The Feast of Total Disgustingness/Transcript

Setting: SpongeBob's Backyard
SpongeBob: Last time on SpongeBob SquarePants: The Reality Show, our contestants were stranded alone in the middle of Kelp Forest, and had to depend on one another for survival. The Jellyfish failed yet again, and Mr. Krabs was the second contestant to be eliminated. Which of his fellow contestants will it be this week? Will the Jellyfish continue their losing streak? All these questions and much more will be answered tonight on SpongeBob SquarePants: The Reality Show!
[Opening Theme]
Setting: Krusty Krab
SpongeBob: I bet you’re all wondering why I called you here today!
Squidaward: Not really.
SpongeBob: This is where you will compete in your third challenge, The Feast of Total Disgustingness! You will be forced to eat an entire ­­four course meal filled with some of the most fowl things that you will ever taste! Here’s the twist! Mr. Krabs will be our chef today!
Squidward: Oh boy.
SpongeBob: Any team that doesn’t finish their meal must face the dreaded elimination ceremony! The eliminated contestant will be replaced by Mr. Krabs!
[Everyone Gasps]
SpongeBob: Eugene, would you mind showing our contestants their first course?
Mr. Krabs: With pleasure. [Brings tray of food, and places it on table] Dig in!
Mrs. Puff: [Observes tray of food] Snail food? Is this safe to eat?
Mr. Krabs: Of course!
Gary: [Eats snail food and smiles] Meow!
Mrs. Puff: [Gulps]
[Everyone begins to eat their snail food.]
Flying Dutchman: Excuse me? How am I supposed to eat this?
Mr. Krabs: What do you mean?
Flying Dutchman: I'm a ghost! Everything I eat goes right through me! [Attempts to eat snail food] See?
Mr. Krabs: Hold on one second. [Walks towards SpongeBob] I thought you said this contest was full proof?
SpongeBob: Well our intern isn't the smartest person in the world.
[Both SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs look at Fred]
Fred: Hey guys?! I just learned how to count to ten! One... two... three... ten!
Patrick: You forgot forty-seven.
Mr. Krabs: Good point.
Pearl: [Begins crying] Daddy! Please don't make me eat snail food!
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry Pearl! The Pizza is on it's way!
[Everyone shouts, "Pizza?!"]
Mr. Krabs: Oh no.
Delivery Boy: [Enters the building] I've got a pizza for a Eugene Krabs.
[Every begins fighting for the pizza.]
SpongeBob: Everyone calm down or we're making it five courses!
[Everyone calms down]
SpongeBob: Thank you. Eugene?
Mr. Krabs: I'm on it! [Brings out another tray of food, and places it on table.]
Man Ray: [Observes their next course.] What's this supposed to be?
Mr. Krabs: A nasty patty!
Sandy: Is that the best you've got? I've eaten worse.
Barnacle Boy: How bad could it be? [Eats nasty patty.] Never mind. [Rushes towards the men's room.]
Marmaid Man: [Looks at Larry the Lobster who isn't eating his nasty patty.] Are you going to eat that?
Larry the Lobster: It's all yours! [Hands Mermaid Man his nasty patty]
Mermaid Man: What a nice boy! [Consumes Larry the Lobster's nasty patty.]
Mr. Krabs: Next up is my favorite! [Brings out another tray of food, and places it on table.]
Plankton: [Observes next course.] Chum? How did you get your hands on this?
Mr. Krabs: Well...
French Narrator: Thirty minutes earlier...
Setting: Chum Bucket
Mr. Krabs: [Walks up to counter.] Twelve Chum Sticks please. [Hands Karen money.]
Karen: [Accepts change, and hands Mr. Krabs his order.] Have a nice day!
French Narrator: Thirty Minutes Later...
Setting: Krusty Krab
Plankton: You actually paid for it?
Mr. Krabs: Yes.
Plankton: Finally! A customer! [Cheerfully]
Mr. Krabs: It was counterfeit.
Plankton: Oh.
Barncle Boy: [Sniffs Chum Stick] It smells like it crawled out of the sewers!
Plankton: Parts of it probably did.
[Everyone attempts to consume their chum]
Squidward: You might as well start digging my grave now.
Mr. Krabs: We have. [Points to a hole in the ground beside him.]
SpongeBob: [Stops digging.] Is this deep enough Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about? We can't let anyone find his body! Dig deeper!
SpongeBob: [Wipes sweat off his head] Aye aye Mr. Krabs! [Continues digging]
Squidward: Ok? [Eats chum stick.]
Setting: Emergency Room
Squidward: [Wakes up.] Huh? Where am I?
Flying Dutchman: [Pulls script out of back pocket, and puts on his glasses.] I'm here to take your... [Squints.] soul.
Squidward: Oh, ok. [Realizes what the Flying Dutchman just said] Wait, what?!
Flying Dutchman: Oh wait. I'm in the wrong room. Never mind. [Exits room]
Squidward: That was a close one.
Setting: Krusty Krab
Mr. Krabs: It is now time for your fourth and final course. [Brings out another tray of food, and places it on table.]
Plankton: [Gulps as he observes his next course.] Toad?
Toad: Cousin Plankton?! is that you?! Long time no see cousin!
Plankton: What are you doing here?
Toad: Why I'm ya' next course.
Plankton: Huh?! [Startled]
Pearl: [Licks her lips.] Finally! Something good!
Plankton: Wait! We give up!
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: What?
SpongeBob: Were you actually going to make Plankton eat his own family?
Mr. Krabs: Of course not! That's seaweed! [Begins whispering] I think the food is starting to go to his head, if you know what I mean.
SpongeBob: Congratulations to the Jellyfish for winning this week's competition. Meet in my backyard in two hours for yet another elimination ceremony!
French Narrator: Two hours later...
Setting: SpongeBob's Backyard
SpongeBob: Thank you for joining me here today for our second elimination ceremony on SpongeBob SquarePants: The Reality Show! The results are in, and the third contestant to be eliminated from SpongeBob SquarePants: The Reality Show is... Man Ray!
Man Ray: What?! Plankton's the one who lost the competition for us! I'm your strongest player!
Sandy: Second strongest!
Man Ray: You'll regret this!
SpongeBob: Fred?
Scooter: [Appears dressed as Fred.] Sure thing boss!
Fred: [Exits SpongeBob's House through the back door, while tied to a chair, with his mouth taped shut. Begins to mumble something while pointing at Scooter.]
SpongeBob: [Rips tape off Fred's mouth.]
Fred: He's an imposter!
[Everyone looks at Scooter]
Scooter: [Begins to whistle.] How did this costume get on me? [Suspiciously]
Fred: Get him!
[Everyone chases after Scooter, and trample on Fred.]
Fred: My leg!
Man Ray: Does this mean that I'm back in?
Mr. Krabs: Get out of here!
Man Ray: [Runs away.] You haven't seen the last of Man Ray!
SpongeBob: That's all we have for tonight! Tune in next week for an all new episode of SpongeBob SquarePants: The Reality Show!
French Narrator: Epilogue
Setting: Emergency Room
[Both Squidward, Fred, and Scooter are in the Emergency Room.]
Squidward: How's it going?
Scooter: What do you think?
Flying Dutchman: Hello gentlemen.
Squidward: [Begins screaming.]
Scooter: Nurse?!
Flying Dutchman: The nurse isn't here right now.
Fred: Why?
Flying Dutchman: Well...
French Narrator: Two minutes earlier...
Setting: Emergency Room
Flying Dutchman: [Walks towards nurse.] Hello.
Nurse: How may I help you?
Flying Dutchman: Your boats being towed.
Nurse: [Drops clipboard.] I'll save you Boaty!
Flying Dutchman: She's got issues.
French Narrator: Two minutes later...
Nurse: [Enters room.] Hey! My boat isn't being towed!
Flying Dutchman: Got to go! [Runs away]
The End
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