How I Lost My Brother's Head III

HOW I LOST MY BROTHER'S HEAD III - #27
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"Years without losing my brother's head: 4" a sign on my door read. I put it up there as a joke, but it's true. Five years ago I lost my brother's head and four years ago I lost it again. And my grandpa came back from the dead. It was an interesting year for sure, but thankfully that's all behind us now. Me and my brother Danos are about to head out to the Halloween party at school. I'm dressed as a ghoulish merchant, wearing a brown trench coat, a painted white face, and dyed gray hair. Meanwhile Danos is going as Dracula with a painted green face. 
I'm still mad at him for what he did last week. I was in the bathroom minding my own business when suddenly he busts the door open and scared the soul out of me. I got up from the toilet and tried to chase after him, but I tripped over my pants that were around my ankles and fell to the floor, busting my lip. He recorded the incident and uploaded it to a popular social media app, "Clik Clok". It went viral and I've been a laughing stock at school all week. So I'm going to get back at him, and it's not going to be pretty. 
As Danos got ready in his room, I rummaged through my closet for a dusty old box. Grandpa's box. My grandpa was an evil wizard who practiced dark magic, so the contents in this box are no joke. I pulled out a thin, rectangular container that contained a coin. A devious smirk wiped across my face just looking at it. I approached Danos in the hallway, who was looking in the mirror adjusting his neck collar. I reached my hand out showing the coin in my palm. He looked at me then at my hand. "Oh, one of your stupid stunts again? I ain't falling it for this time, bud." "Come on. Do it. Don't be scared." Danos looked at my palm again. He swiped his hand forward and grabbed the coin, flipping it in the air. The coin landed on his forearm, which revealed it landed on... 
Heads. 
It landed on heads. "Ooh, I'm so scared! Nothing's gonna happen, twerp. Just like the last few dozen times you tried doing this." Danos scoffed before tossing the coin back at me. He walked away and headed outside where his ride waited for him. I went back to my room and threw the coin back in the box. As I walked back out of the room, I changed the number on the sign from "4" to "0".
My mom dropped me off at the school and I told her goodbye and all that jazz. I stepped out of the car and immediately I got hit in the face with a chill in the wind. The sky was purple with a yellow tinge to it from the sun setting. Orange and yellow leaves scraped across the ground as I walked toward the entrance, where a smiling jack-o'-lantern greeted me. Standing in the hallway were several delightfully creepy people in Halloween costumes that fit the atmosphere perfectly. There was a student dressed as the alien from the video game Amoungis and a teacher dressed as West Virginian senator Joe Manchin. Oh wait... That's how he looks normally. My bad. 
The muffled, bass-heavy music from the gym got louder the closer I got to its entrance. I better see my brother headless as soon as I open these doors. Inside the gym were dozens of ghoulish humanoids having a great time. Dancing to a generic trap remix of the Goosebumps theme, drinking blood-soaked punch, eating eyeballs from a shish kabob, and most importantly, lip-syncing to some Billboard Top 100 song that will be forgotten in a week for Clik Clok. The world has changed a lot in the past five years. 
Trying to find my brother, I maneuvered through a group of Clik Clokers, who had the lamest costumes of the party. Like, who dresses up as a mirror? While still searching for him, I bumped into a freakishly tall man who didn't look like he should be there. He turned around and stared me down intently. He wore a top hat and his right eye was crooked and pure white. The man pulled out something deadly from his grey shirt pocket that made my spine shiver. A business card. "Dr. Kojo. Give me a visit if you've got a supernatural problem." he said in a thick African accent. I took the card and sped walked away because he gave me the serious creeps. For some reason I feel like he's not playing a character.
I eventually found Danos talking to some chick dressed as Frankenstein's Bride. "Heyy, Danny... Feelin'... light-headed?" I joked. "Get lost, twerp! Can't you see I'm trying to have a good time?" he barked at me. That's when I smacked him in the back of the head, knocking his head clean off his body and landing on the floor. It caught me by surprise cause I didn't expect it to pop off so easily. His head landed by the girl he was talking to. She screamed and ran away. I picked Danos' head up by the hair like I was holding a shrunken head. 
"I can't believe you've done this!!" Danos shouted. "Payback's a pain, huh?" I said. Danos nudged his head around trying to bite me but it was no use. "There's no way I'm not gonna win the Halloween costume contest now. I've got a talking shrunken head!" I quipped. That's when Danos' headless body lunged at me and began strangling me by the neck. I tried pushing him off me, but his rage was too strong. I swung his head around trying to defend myself, but I ended up flinging it a few feet in front of me. 
Danos' body let go of me as I tried retreating the head back. I was in arms reach of grabbing it, but someone kicked it another few feet. I fumbled and crawled around people trying to get the head, but all the people kept inadvertently kicking it around! "Ow-- I'm gonna-- OW!-- Kill you for this!" he shouted. Just when the head landed in a spot that wasn't crowded, a guy in a zombie football player picked it up. "LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" "Hey guys, check out this cool talking head!" That's when I realized it was Cujo, Danos' old rival. His buddies huddled swarmed around him like flies, laughing at the head of Danos. 
"Oh, Danny? Is that you? HAH! Forget being spineless -- you're just a hollow skull!" Cujo joked. "Hey, give my brother's head back!" I demanded. "You want it? Then go long!" Cuju shouted before throwing Danos head across the room. I backed up trying to catch it, but one of his doofus henchmen caught it. "You can try to get it, Zaint, but I know you ain't!" he said. I chased after him, but he, Cujo, and the other losers were already out the door and I lost them in the sea of ghouls. I raised my fist started punching the air. "Whoa, you fighting a ghost? Radical!" A guy dressed up as a California surfer said. 
I grabbed Danos' headless body by the hand and ran outside with him, searching everywhere on the property for those chumps, but they were nowhere to be found. I checked the front of the school one more time and saw a chariot with green horses. Inside was a man wearing a top hat... Dr. Kojo. "Sir, this is my headless brother. I lost his head when a group of bullies took it. Can you please help me out?" He slowly turned his head and stared at me with that mean white eye of his. "I am not sure if I can be of assistance. I primarily speak to the dead." "Well can you take my headless brother to where you're going so I can find his head?" "Sure. He shall be waiting for you at the voodoo shop." I lead Danos' body into the chariot and watched as the horses took off, with the stench of rotting flesh filling my nostrils. I guess the horses were undead after all... 
I continued searching the bushes and the like to see if those imbeciles hid his head in the shrubbery. Nope. I then thought of something. Dr. Kojo says he primary speaks with the dead... Does that mean...? Oh my, it probably does. Realizing I had no other choice, I sprinted all the way back home. "Home so early?" my mother said. I ignored her and rummaged through my closet for something evil, but important. I rushed downstairs holding the object and flew out the door, making my way to Kojo's voodoo shop. "Zaint? Are those my dad's ashes?" my mom asked, but I was already charging full speed down the street.
"Ahh... So this is your grandfather. So you would like to speak to him?" Kojo asked while holding the vase. "Yes... He's a very bad man, but this is an emergency." Kojo nodded and smirked. "Very well." He proceeded by pouring grandpa's ashes on the desk and sprinkling a strange powder on it. He then began speaking in tongues. "Ka lu.. Aba du.. Sha la.. Dou ba meek ah.." The room became cool, the candles blew out by themselves, and the ground shook like a tremor. "SHA LA AP DO DA!" Kojo spoke before sprinting away from the desk. Then right before my eyes... A skeleton hand popped out of the ashes and began rising. The ashes rose higher and a gust of wind swirled around it. "Nehgahahaha!" an evil laughed. For better or for worse, my grandfather was back from the dead. 
His bronze-painted stood atop the desk with his legs spread apart and flexing his muscles. "Oooh, hahh!" Grandpa grunted while admiring the veins on his biceps. "Grandpa!" I shouted. Grandpa hopped off the desk. "Zaint... Is that you? It's been so long! The last time I saw you you set me on fire and killed me!" "Family reunion! Haha." Kojo said. "Resurrected on Halloween too, how poetic! It feels good to be back. I was getting bored of Hell." Grandpa joked. I stepped toward him and spilled the beans. "Grandpa, I lost Danos' head again. He flipped one of your coins and it landed on heads. Now a group of high school jocks took his head." 
Grandpa picked up a wooden chair and smashed it against the wall. "NO ONE MESSES WITH MY GRANDSON!" It looked like the blood vessels in his bronze-colored eyes were about to pop. "Whoa, Grandpa, let's chill. Let's go find Danos' head before those punks make brain soup with it!" Grandpa struck another body-building pose. "Heh-hah, alright. Let's do it. Say, whatever happened to the old lady? She still around?" Grandpa asked, referring to his ex-wife. "Grandma passed away a couple years ago, sadly." "Well she ain't in Hell, otherwise I would've bitch-slapped her by now!" "Wait, I thought you were joking about going to Hell?" "No lad. How else do you think I got these scars?" Grandpa said while pointing to a big gash on his face that I never noticed before. I swallowed hard. "Alright you three, it's closing time. Out of my shop!" Kojo demanded, so we left. 
We walked along the sidewalk toward the school talking about Grandma. It was uncomfortable because I had to hold Danos' headless body's hand the whole time. "So, do you have the old lady's ashes?" he asked. "Y-yes..." Grandpa stopped and slowly turned his head to me. "Perfect." he said in a low tone. "Give it up, Grandpa. You're not getting them. Four years ago you tried getting back with her and it failed miserably. She doesn't want you and she's better off in Heaven where she belongs." That's when my breathing got tighter and I felt a sharp pain shoot down my neck. "Listen tinder head! I'm not helping you get your brother's head back unless you give me my woman's ashes!" he demanded. "You're evil!" I sputtered. Grandpa's grip around my neck got tighter. 
"Evil? Ha! You haven't seen evil." Grandpa said pointing at his scars again. "Besides, this is the third time you've lost Danny boy's head! At this point it should probably stay lost." "Okay, okay, fine. I'll give you her ashes. But you gotta get Danos' head back first!" "Fine. You got a deal." he said, letting go of my neck. Before we went searching, I returned to the school and set Danos' headless body on a chair in the gym. I got tired of tugging him around. Back outside, Grandpa lifted me up and gripped me with his muscles. "Those dirtbags are probably at the football field. That's where all the assholes congregated back in my day." "Heh, they still do." I said.
"Alright, hang tight!" Grandpa said before leaping 50 feet into the air over the school. The concrete shook and a large crack formed when we landed. "Holy guacamole, Grandpa! I had no idea you were capable of jumping that high!" "Heh-hah! All those years of pole vaulting paid off!" I steadied from Grandpa's grasp and in the distance we saw four naked guys playing football on the field. "Looks like a normal football game to me!" Grandpa joked before running out to the field. I caught up to him and saw the naked guys were actually the bullies! They were wearing football helmets, underwear, and socks so I guess it wasn't that bad. Cujo was reaching into his friend's ass (like you usually do in football) holding a talking football. That "football" was Danos! 
"Listen up, chumptards! If you don't let go of my grandson's head I'm gonna fold you up like a pair of clean laundry and wipe my ass with you!" "Suck it, old man!" Cujo said while swinging Danos' head around. Grandpa pointed his finger and shot a lightning bolt at Cujo. He flew back 100 feet and got hit by a truck traveling 60 MPH on a 30 MPH road. Cujo's disgusting minions tried attacking Grandpa, but he made an example of them. He snapped their legs off and began beating them on the head with it. Grandpa picked up his body and began swinging it around, hitting the other goons in the process. Grandpa let go of the goon he was swinging and flung him 200 feet away in the air. He shot a lightning bolt at a mirror by a dumpster, which reflected and hit the bully's body, exploding it into pumpkin guts. "Those years of swingball paid off too!" he quipped. I stood there in complete shock at what I just saw. My grandpa is awesome! Evil, but awesome. 
Grandpa picked up Danos' head and tossed at it me. "Was it worth it Zaint?! Over a freaking Clik Clok video?!" Zaint said in anger. "Haha... Uh, sorry." "If you lose his head again I'm gonna make you headless next!" Grandpa threatened me. "Zaint, I swear to Halloween if you brought Grandpa back because of this..." "Uhh, yeah... About that." "It's true, Danny boy. Your brother just made a deal with the devil. Tonight, on Hallows Eve, I will shall bring my marriage back from the dead!" "Grandpa, please don't! You shouldn't do this!" "Silence, Zaint. If you so dare intervene I will make an example of you like I did those chump-for-brains. Now, bring me to the ashes!" "I really need a new brother. And please put a beanie over my head! I'm freezing!" Danos said.
Grandpa rang the doorbell to our house. My mom opened the door holding a bowl of candy but quickly dropped it. "Trick-or-treat!" Grandpa said before shoving my mom out of the way. "Where did you put your mother's ashes?!" Grandpa demanded. My mom seeing her dead dad back to life shocked her so much she couldn't speak. Grandpa flipped over the couch and shot a lightning bolt at the wall, putting a fiery hole through it. "I want her now, dammit!" Grandpa cursed, my mom still not able to respond. "Psst, Zaint!" Danos' head whispered to me. I put his head up to my ear so his secret whispering couldn't be heard. "The vase on the fireplace!" I smirked. 
"Grandpa, it's right there! Sheesh!" I said pointing at the purple vase with white diamonds on the lid. "Aha! Purple was her favorite color. This is it! Come to the wedding at the school gym, and bring lots of champagne and candy corn!" Grandpa said while holding the vase of ashes. He then jumped out of the house like Superman, leaving a hole in the second floor and in the roof. My mom was slouched against the wall in shock still. "Oh! Yeah, Grandpa is an undead evil supervillain of sorts and I needed his help retrieving Danos' head which was promptly used as a football by a bunch of naked jocks. Sorry, mom. Happy Halloween!" I said before leaving the house. She fainted.
Me and Danos (I held his head) barged into the school gym just in time. Grandpa was giving a speech to the ghouls about how he was going to bring his ex-wife back and remarry her. "Get off the stage you old fart!" A kid in a pickle costume shouted. "Silence!" Grandpa said before shooting a green lightning bolt at the kid and turning him into a real pickle. Grandpa then looked up and noticed us. "Zaint... And the head of Danos... So glad you two could join us. Which one of you two would like to read from the good book to vow our remarriage back forever?" We didn't say anything. The look on our faces said it all. We wanted no part of this. 
"Resist all you want, but she will be mine forever! Let's see her again, shall we?" Grandpa twisted the lid to the vase and poured the ashes out on the stage. He moved his hands around slowly in a circular motion and shouted "Shazam!" before shooting a lightning bolt at the ashes. A gust of wind formed around the ashes... And out came from it was... BARK BARK! It was Viper, our old Doberman who died a few years ago! Grandpa turned toward us with his eyes bulging out of his head. "You brats lied to me!!" Me and Danos began laughing, until Grandpa started moving hands in a weird motion again. "Uh oh." I said before he tried firing a lightning bolt from his fingertip at us. 
I stepped out of the way and it ended up striking some guy in a banana costume. He turned into a pickle too. All the ghouls in the building started screaming and running for the exit. The pile-up got so bad that no one could squeeze through the doorway. "Looks like you ghoulies have found yourself in a pickle!" Grandpa quipped. Just as he was about to shoot out another lightning bolt, Viper jumped up and bit Grandpa's magical finger. "ARGH! You blasted mutt!" Grandpa yelped while trying to shake the dog off his finger. While that was going on, I tried to pull people out from the pile-up to see if any of them had a mirror on them. "Zaint! I have a pocket mirror in my front pocket! Point my head toward my body!" I pointed Danos' head in the direction of his body so he could see what he was doing. He sat his body up and it ran out in front of us. 
Grandpa shook Viper off him and flung him off the stage. "This is for setting me on fire 4 years ago!" Grandpa exclaimed before firing a bolt. Danos pulled out his small mirror but it missed and his body turned into a pickle. "NOOO!!" Danos screamed. This poor guy has had it rough tonight. "Dill Or No Dill, my favorite game!" Grandpa joked. I had to act fast before I find myself stuck in a pickle too! That's when I remembered the Clik Cloker wearing the evil mirror costume. I pulled him out of the pile up and pushed him in front of me. He screamed in terror as the lightning bolt struck him and turn him into a pickle. Just kidding, the lightning bolt reflected and hit back at Grandpa. "I'LL SEE YOU GHOULS IN HELLLL!!" Grandpa cried before melting into a pickle. 
The pile-up cleared up and everyone left except me and Danos. Our beloved Doberman Viper galloped toward us with a bronze pickle in his mouth. I took it out and looked at it. "I'm gonna lock this in the safe when we get home." I said. But suddenly, Viper jumped up and bit the Grandpa pickle out of my hand and began eating it. "...Or maybe not." I picked up the pickle that used to be Danos' body. "Maybe the voodoo doctor can fix you up." I said. "I just wanna go home and rest." said Danos. I couldn't agree more.
When we walked in the door, my mom laid there on the couch with an ice pack on her head. "I had this terrible dream..." she said. "Sorry about that mom. Grandpa shot a lightning bolt at Danos' body and turned it into a pickle and now Grandpa's a pickle which was eaten by Viper who was brought back to life because he thought it was Grandma. Crazy night, right?" That's when she passed out and fell on the floor. I just realized my life is awfully interesting... 
Category:Chills
Category:Halloween
Category:Relatives
Category:Magic
Category:Undead
Category:Resurrection