Funny Formula Finders/transcript

Previous Episode: A Squidwork Orange
Next Episode: No Good Deed
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: January 19, 2002
Episode Copyrighted: 2001
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The episode begins inside Master Lox's Lair. Master Lox and Plankton are snacking on some cashews and minding their own business when suddenly.
Mr. Krabs: *bursts through the doors* You’re going down Master Lox and Plankton!
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *looks shocked*
Lord Master Lox: Mr. Krabs? What are you doing here?!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *rushes in*
Lincoln Loud: You won’t get away with this Master Lox and Plankton!
Lord Master Lox: Get away with what?! What did we do?!!
Mr. Krabs: *then grabs Plankton and pins him to the floor and ties Master Lox with a rope*
Lord Master Lox: Hey, what's the big idea?!
Mr. Krabs: Give me back me secret formula before I have to resort to no mercy!
Plankton: But I don’t have the secret formula!
Mr. Krabs: Liar! *then sits on Plankton to torture him*
Plankton: Ughhh! This area smells horrible! 
Mr. Krabs: *then gets up*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *shines a bright light in my face*
Lincoln Loud: WHERE’S THE FORMULA PLANKTON?!
Plankton: Listen Lincnoob! I don’t have the formula! Think about it! Would I have said trapped you in a cage full of bears or dropped you off at the perfume department by now?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yes, no, maybe so?
Plankton: I don’t have the formula!
Mr. Krabs: Who else would?! You have been trying to steal it for 29 years!
Lord Master Lox: 30!
Mr. Krabs: Whatever!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr. K, maybe Master Lox and Plankton are telling the truth, they haven't trapped us.
Mr. Krabs: He is deceiving you me bucko! He is getting you off your guard so he can trap you afterwards and exploit your weaknesses! Trust me, I saw it in the Navy, poor poor… Corporal Smith.
Plankton: I think you are a paranoid pattycake Eugene.
Mr. Krabs: Look who's talking! I at least don’t sleep with 14 night lights!
Lord Master Lox: How dare you disclose Plankton's privacy?!
Lord Master Lox, Plankton and Mr. Krabs: *decides to vent out our tensions with a quick game of Rock Paper Scissors*
Pearl Master Lox: *walks up to SpongeBob and Lincoln*
They watch their idiot bosses argue.
Pearl Master Lox: How long is this hissy fit going to last?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Probably 6 more seconds.
Lincoln Loud: Trust me, Pearl.
Lord Master Lox Plankton and Mr.Krabs: *gives up the rock paper scissors*
They are trash at the game.
Mr. Krabs: Okay maybe you haven’t stolen the formula.
Plankton: Bingo!! Brain at last!
SpongeBob SquarePants: So who is the real culprit?
Mr. Krabs: I don’t know me boy, I don’t know.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Mr. Krabs: *simmers on many thoughts*
Master Lox and Plankton also ponder and then look at Pearl and Karen who is smiling at them implying something. Plankton then catches on to what she wants to happen.
Lord Master and Plankton: No! NO!! Anything but that!
Pearl Master Lox and Karen Plankton: Work..
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: NOOOOOO!!!
Pearl Krabs and Karen Plankton: Together
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *collapses to the floor*
They have a mental breakdown at the thought of working with their arch rival to reclaim a formula they had spent 30 odd years trying to steal and has never succeeded.
Mr. Krabs: I don’t want to work with One Eye Desperation over there!
SpongeBob SquarePants: But what other leads do we have Mr. K?
Lincoln Loud: Yeah. Who else would take the formula off the top of your mind?
Mr. Krabs: Well uh perhaps Leni?! She could do the job!
Lincoln Loud: She's at her house with her parents.
Mr. Krabs: What about Patrick?! Ummmm, the My Leg guy, uh Red?!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: Fred Rechid?!
Mr. Krabs: Whatever.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Nope, he's in the hospital recovering from twisting his legs from a steamroller accident at the town circus hosted by a parade of marauders.
Lincoln Loud: SpongeBob, he'll be okay. Right, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Oh well uh…
Plankton: Oh just clam up Eugene! We have to do it! Even though I won’t enjoy one second!
Mr. Krabs: Well we could work together,.. but I don’t want to.
Karen Plankton: *groans getting tired of these three businessmen acting like babies*
Lord Master Lox: *gets out a hand lightning bolt and points him towards Plankton* PLANKTON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! JUST GO AND GET THE STUPID FORMULA!!!
Mr. Krabs and Plankton: *screams and exits the Master Lox's Lair together to begin the mission*
Lord Master Lox: *growls and starts chasing Mr. Krabs and Plankton*
SpongeBob and Lincoln and a now relaxed Pearl and Karen watch.
SpongeBob SquarePants: And here we go.
Pearl Master Lox: Solitaire here we come.
Karen Plankton: That's what I'm talking about.
The slide transition cuts to another restaurant named the Sea Chicken Shack.
Mr. Krabs: *teleports up to the roof with an inator gun given to Plankton by Master Lox*
Plankton: *accidentally teleports into Mr. Krabs’ butt* Ughhh! This area smells horrible! *then hops off*
The three rivals debate. Master Lox on how to infiltrate the restaurant thinking the Sea Chicken is the robber.
Lord Master Lox: Now if I use my inator gun, I can slip through the ventilation shaft, crawl through the systems, then once I infiltrate the restaurant, Plankton steps in, tickle any guards with the tickler, grab the formula, go back up the shaft, try to find my inator gun and..
Mr. Krabs: *gets impatient* OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! *goes down the chimney and lands right into the Sea Chicken's Office*
Plankton: Or do that. *does the same*
Lord Master Lox: *does the same like Plankton did*
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Sea Chicken! Give me back me formula or suffer dire consequences!
Lord Master Lox: That pertains to Mr. Krabs’ underwear!
Mr. Krabs: No!!
The Sea Chicken gets angry at his rivals forced entry into his restaurant.
Sea Chicken: BUCK BUCK! GET OUT! BUCK BUCK! I HAVE NO FORMULA OTHER THAN MINE!
Plankton: Oh yeah? You gonna make me, chicky boy?! Buck Buck! Buck Buck Buck Buck!
The Sea Chicken's white color turns red and he begins trembling in anger.
Mr. Krabs: Uh Master Lox, Plankton, I will um yeah.. see ya! *bolts out the front doors*
Lord Master Lox: MR. KRABS!!!!! Oh no..
The Sea Chicken screams many buck bucks in anger and begins pecking Plankton in pains worse than jellyfish stings. Mr.Krabs makes it back outside and hears chaos inside the restaurant and blood curdling screams coming from Plankton.
The scene jumps to the duo driving up outside T Attle Ices. 
Mr. Krabs: The formula is probably in this iceberg salad restaurant Master Lox and Plankton! Lets get it!
Lord Master Lox: *bandages up, using a crutch and has bruises* Just let me recover from those buck bucks first Eugene H. Krabs!
Plankton: *bandages up, using a crutch and has bruises as well* Yeah, Eugene!
Mr. Krabs: No time! *runs right for the front doors*
Plankton: *groans*
Master Lox and Plankton: *gets something ready*
Mr. Krabs: *bursts right inside and finds that the vendor/owner of the establishment is none other than The Strangler* T-T-T-T-Tattle Tale Strangler?!!
Strangler: May I help you?
Mr. Krabs: Please don’t strangle me!
Strangler: Oh relax crab, Prison allowed me to renounce my life of crime and turn to a mere civilian life instead, serving iceberg salads to the finer folk.
Mr. Krabs: Oh well that's good.
Strangler: BUT!!!  DO NOT GET UNDER MY SKIN OR I WILL DO A LOT WORSE THAN STRANGLES!! I’LL LET YOU FIGURE OUT THE REST!
Mr. Krabs: *gulps and nods in understanding*
Strangler: *eases back* So now, will your Iceberg Salad be for here or to go?
Before Mr. Krabs could answer, he and The Strangler hear a loud crash and look to see Master Lox and Plankton have recovered and burst right through the window. They send a wave of angry jellyfish onto The Strangler.
Strangler: AAAAHH!!
The Strangler is repeatedly stunned and electrocuted by the Jellyfish.
Lord Master Lox: Come on Krabsy Cakes! Now's our chance!
Plankton: Come on, Krabs!
Mr. Krabs, Master Lox and Plankton: *proceeds into the Strangler's office to see if he stole the secret formula*
Instead though they find several $2 fake mustaches, some altoids, a picture of The Strangler's Mother and several pieces of paper that bans all and any Sponges from Tattle Ices.
Plankton: Keep looking Eugene! This fool has to have this formula somewhere!
Mr. Krabs: Master Lox, Plankton…. look behind you.
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: Huh? *turns to see The Strangler breathing very angrily and punching his fists*
Plankton: Uhhhh… par cheesy?!
The Strangler: *pulls Master Lox's eyebrows*
Lord Master Lox: Ow! *screams in horror painfully*
The Strangler: *rips Master Lox's eyebrows off*
Lord Master Lox: My eyebrows!
The Strangler: *then forms a sinister smile, grabs a charged Jellyfish and pins Master Lox anf Plankton to the wall*
Plankton: Mommy.
Mr. Krabs: *makes it to the car outside just in time*
As he hears jellyfish stings and more blood curdling screams coming from Master Lox and Plankton.
Mr. Krabs, Master Lox and Plankton next arrive at an unknown building.
Plankton: *in more bandages, bruises and two crutches* Just face it Eugene! Your business is over!
Lord Master Lox: *in more bandages, bruises and two crutches with no eyebrows* This is an outrage, Mr. Krabs! Unacceptable!
Mr. Krabs: Now it has to be at this place, the only place we haven’t checked yet!
Plankton: It's a pink house.
Mr. Krabs: It's a restaurant, Master Lox and Plankton! Really, pink houses?! Pfft, give me a break! *begins scaling up the wall*
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *decides to wait outside due to still recovering from our altercations with The Strangler*
Mr. Krabs: *maneuvers through the second floor, taking notice at family oriented pictures of crabs as well as seahorses* This is weirdly shaped out. *enters a family room and much to my confusion sees a couch, home video TV and several grandfather clocks striking near to midnight* Since when does a restaurant have this stuff? This owner's weird. *then enters another room which is a closet*
Up top, he sees a bottle with a piece of paper in it.
Mr. Krabs: The formula! *grabs the bottle*
And then the light turns on tempting Mr. Krabs to try to hide behind the door but to no avail.
Betsy Krabs: *offscreen* Eugene?
Mr. Krabs: *then recognizes the voice and turns to see my mother in sleepwear just like in the Mid Life Crustacean episode* Mother?!
Betsy Krabs: What are you doing with my shopping list?
Mr. Krabs: You uh what? *unseals the bottle and looks at the paper which says, “BUY EGGS, MILK, BREAD* Oopsie
Betsy Krabs: *taps my foot in anger*
This is the second time her son had broken into her house.
Mr. Krabs: I can explain, Mom I uh well did this thing and this and that and.. *then jumps through the window*
Betsy Krabs: Eugene!!
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *notices Krabs exit and land on him via the rear*
Plankton: Ughhh! This area smells horrible! *shimmies out from underneath*
Lord Master Lox: Ew!
Plankton: Ugh,... now did you get the formula?
Mr. Krabs: *looks at Plankton, then throws him through my mother's window before high tailing it*
Plankton: Krabs!
Lord Master Lox: Mr. Krabs! I know it was you who got the secret formula!
Betsy Krabs: Another robber I see. *proceeds to bash Plankton with my cane sending out, then kicks Master Lox out of my house*
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *more screams*
Mr. Krabs: *makes it onto the nearby highway* Phew… glad that's over!
Mr. Krabs is then hit by a bus finally receiving some bad luck after Master Lox and Plankton kept getting the short end of the stick. The bus then dumps Krabs into a dumpster and drives off.
At Master Lox's Lair, SpongeBob, Lincoln, Pearl and Karen finish playing some solitaire.
Pearl Master Lox: How do you two think our husbands and your boss are handling?
Lincoln Loud: They are probably best friends now!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah!
Master Lox and Plankton are shown in the Hospital recovering from being pecked by a chicken, stung by an ex-convict and bashed by an elder's cane.
Plankton: *groans* I hate you, Krabs..
Mr. Krabs is shown stuck in deep piles of garbage, juices and other filth.
Mr. Krabs: I hate you Plankton… ugh...
Lord Master Lox: I hate you more, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: I hate you, Master Lox.
Screen fades in black and it says “THE END”. Episode ends.
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