Zog

Zog the Eternal, simply known as Zog, was Potatoman's arch-nemesis and the biggest asshole in the universe before Konstantin Rodzaevsky took his place. Zog was one of the universe's most powerful necromancers, able to resurrect the dead at will and use his magical spells to hypnotise entire crowds to do his bidding. He wielded a staff capable of poison damage, fireball conjuring, portal opening, and ass-destroying. 
He was also Morgoth's second in command. 
Zog was born to an unknown parentage, but taken up by his biological grandma, Grandma Ladel. She was a very nice woman but Zog was always annoying and mean to his grandma since she never gave him ice cream before dinner, only afterwards. For this, Grandma Ladel kicked Zog's ass in single combat and he was left out on the mean streets of New York, For being an Orc, Zog was teased and made fun off by other citizens and often beaten up by street gangs. 
Zog vowed vengeance on New York City before immigrating to Coreilla via the Tesla Rocket Elongated Muskrat fired into space to take over Mars and establish a new oil drilling company there. Zog hijacked the Tesla rocket and stole the captain's AK-47, killing the rest of the crew and the captain himself before piloting the rocket to planet Africa. 
On Africa, Zog encountered a strange mystical tribesman that bestowed upon him mystical powers and dark arts. He learned many more combat styles and techniques from the tribesman before being kicked off of the planet. Zog crashlanded onto Morgoth's personal realm, a nether-like place with eternal fires, skeletons, and nonstop nickelback concerts. 
Zog went to Morgoth at his throne and proved his worth by re-enacting the Kung Fu Panda scene where Po eats a shitton of noodles. Morgoth, impressed, gave Zog the post of second-in-command. 
Over the new few years Zog would work for Morgoth in secret, even when Morgoth became one of Kim's personalities, he spoke telekinetically to Zog to instruct him on what to do next. Building up a colossal cult fanatically devoted to Morgoth, Zog was instructed to resurrect several Balrogs and prepare a large force of bandits and cultists to assault the Pike Empire for a hostile takeover. 
After completing these tasks Zog was made the leader of Morgoth's assault, managing to take the Empire by surprise and overwhelming their defensive forces. Using his necromantic powers, Zog was able to incapacitate and kill many Pike Soldiers and even temporarily knock Potatoman unconscious. 
Zog was later tasked with infiltrating the Resistance and prevent them from reaching Terri Pike, the one prophecised to defeat Morgoth. Zog manipulated the spider Ungoliant into giving him access into the Resistance, from there his cultists began attacking their base as Zog himself attempted to kill Terri. He failed however and was repelled. 
Zog retreated to Morgoth's citadel, from which he and his master fought the combined forces of the CCA, Pike Empire, and Albert Wesker's Umbrella Corporation Army. The war was long and fierce, but eventually Morgoth was decapitated by Terri and Zog was forced to retreat and go into hiding. 
3 years later, it turns out Zog was still alive and well, trying to revive Morgoth via combining all pieces of his armour together. Dispatching minions, cultists, and bounty hunters, Zog then encountered Potatoman again while in Vietnam. With Orga at his side, Potato battled Zog and won. Zog vowed vengeance but retreated. 
Zog was later contacted by the Dark Empire and Sauron to join their forces but rejected, only loyal to his true master. 
Zog later succeeded in reviving Morgoth, and the two, along with a massive army of Orcs and Cultists, besieged the Pike Kingdom. Their forces trampled the Pike forces, but eventually the Reapers led by Harbinger were reinforcing Terri Pike and her vanguard. The Reapers were mass-extincted by Morgoth's fiery hate, but Terri stabbed Morgoth and decapitated him again, thus ending Morgoth's reign of terror (at least for now).
Zog fell into depression and went back to his Grandma's house, from then on he became a lazy fat bum for many years until being found by Potato and Co. This was because Zog's much cooler brother Rog the Pimp was murdered by Sauron and they needed Zog to revive Rog. Zog was forced at gunpoint to do so, then was shot by Potatoman, his hated rival. 
It turns out Zog used necromancy to survive and from then on worked as a low-level thug for crimelords in the city he one vowed to destroy, New York City. By then due to all the wars and anarchy New York was a husk, looking like Chernobyl and run by the strongest warlords. Zog was working for a particular warlord until he was kidnapped by Dark Empire Supreme Commander Nikita Dragovich. 
Zog escaped Dragovich's clutches and lived with Kermit for a few years, resuming his lazy leech fatass PC gamer lifestyle and using the Pike Imperial budget to fund his steam wallet. However Gaben got pissed and banned Zog from Steam, incurring a rage as he then nearly killed Kermit (the Vessel) and escaped Pike Imperial forces. 
Later on Zog was given a chance at revenge when Pike and a few others, including Potatoman, were caught in a time warp. Zog, Dragovich, and Wesker all tried killing Potatoman, but Potato barely escaped and killed Zog, again, by shooting him in the face then beheading his corpse. 
Zog's soul was still active however, since Zog bought a Horcrux from Voldemort on EBay. Zog's soul now aimlessly drifts time and space, searching for his lord and master Morgoth.
Category:Characters