David Kirk

David Kirk was the son of the legendary Captain Kirk, and his little blonde space hooker Carol Marcus. 
==Growing up in the shadows of his totally awesome father!!!==
While growing up, David found himself cursed with his father's devilish good looks. Following a torrid affair with Klingon aphrodisiac during his freshman, sophomore, junior, junior-senior, senior and senior-senior years at The Academy, David briefly joined the Starfleet Theatre Troupe where he performed in their modern rendition of the Biblical-Science thriller, "Project: Genesis". 
David quit the Troupe when he finally came to the realization that he, like his mother, had an admiration of shirtless men.
==He's too sexy for his dad==
Outraged...that...his...son...was...gay, Captain Kirk attempted to contact the Mirror Universe to see if he could exchange his son for his mirror counterpart. 
After having a close encounter with Mirror Kirk, Captain Kirk decided that it was "okay to be gay," but quickly disavowed his position, upon his return to the Real World, and blamed David's queerness on David's abuse of Klingon aphrodisiacs. 
Captain Kirk then spoke out openly again the Klingon druglords, stating: 
:"I have never trusted Klingons and never will. I have never been able to forgive them for making me angry. His mother says it isn't really a big deal, and I'd like to believe her, but Jesus Christ, I'm James Effin-T. Kirk!"
==Homo on the range==
David later joined the ranks of the fabulously flamboyant Excelsior!, during it's three year mission establishing Starbucks throughout the Beta Quadrant.
==This is the end, beautiful friend, the end...==
Nothing of importance really ever came of David Kirk. The best thing he ever had going for him was being Captain Kirk's son.