The Lesser Key of Avalon

Summer 2022 (July 10th 2022) 
In Universie Time : Autumnre 1st - 11th 3124 
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Shit Posting: 
The port city of Melkan Thindin has stood for centuries. Its multitudes have brought their own cultures there from all across Avalon, giving rise to the Melkan Thindin Museum of Natural and Cultural History. This massive institution is full to bursting with cultural treasures from many races and religions and has time and again proven itself as unbreachable as many thieves have tried and failed to pillage its collection. 
More recently, a large earthquake in the mountains to the north revealed a large ruined temple with religious iconography that no scholar could immediately decipher. Found to be the seat of power for an ancient religion beyond current memory, museum scholars have excavated much of the temple, taking with them artifacts of unknown meaning and origin for study. The problem lies therein, that maybe this culture is not as forgotten as once thought, and maybe they want their things back.
Book 1 - To Be Determined - July 10th 2022
Session notes:
It's 2:09pm, where the fuck is Dan?
We all find ourselves in the main lobby of the museum.
There are six distinct wings: Arms and Armor, World Religions, Natural History, Strange and Unknown (closed for renovation), Astronomy, Science
Sable takes interest in the door to the strange and unknown.
A beholder wearing a docent badge comes up, Linda Lindarr, wife of Lindarr the Barbarian. We see the Arms and Armor exhibit first.
Security incidents? What incidents? There has been heightened security in the past few days, but Droguey (who works at the gift shop) doesn't show up early enough to know what happened.
Galena is looking for that dagger her ex made. The little faerie dragon is completely wrong with the details of its composition. Amun commiserates.
Sable notices two items that are known to be missing from her museum.
By now, multiple people have need to speak with the curator. We're told that their office is on the fifth floor, but they're not in today. How many floors ARE there? That's a secret.
Natural History section, where an adult blue dragon skeleton hangs from the ceiling. Some of the items here are wax recreations, some are actual taxidermy, but one can't get near enough to tell them apart. The blue dragon was found deep in the mountains, one of the first exhibits of the museum, was DEFINITELY found already dead. Insight says the faerie dragon is lying, but this isn't pressed.
Yuan-ti gallery, a scene depicting what is possibly a ritual sacrifice. Amun counters that it was always the Yuan-ti getting killed off by other races, not the other way around. Sable picks her brain for info on her ancestor god to no avail.
Heading to the Religion wing, some Perceive a slight earthquake. Some hear a loud, monotone, drumming noise, almost like it's being spoken. Linda says not to worry. But it begins to grow in intensity. This doesn't seem right. Galena casts Detect Magic. Linda is listening to a shortwave radio, "All security to the front, they're back." Security gathers. It's detected to be Evocation magic. People grab their personal artifacts, including weapons. Droguey refills his popcorn.
We crowd in the back of the main lobby. The front entrance explodes inward, knocking over the assembled guards. Eight cloaked figures in a line through. We roll Initiative.
During the battle, they cast spells and throw miniature pickaxes that increase in size as they fly toward their targets. We manage to pare them down to the last one. "He is returning. You will all serve Uruthal." A crack in the floor swallows the last hooded figure.
Sable tries taking one of their medallions, but it begins to burn her to the touch. She then examines the corpse and finds the drow all have nothing on under their robes, and they all look a little... off. They're built, but the muscles look wrong, uneven. And they have an exceptionally lot of hair. The robes have small interior pockets with tiny pickaxes. Galena goes to examine one of the thrown ones which remains enlarged where it landed.
Urethal? Some recall that about 6 months ago, a very large temple was unearthed. The religion was fiercely monotheistic. And the name Urethal came up a LOT. And there were piles of dead, all with traumatic injuries.
Galena tries to pick up a medallion. Can't withstand the heat, drops it. Pokes at it. It seems to glow and heat up in response to being prodded.
The doors to the various wings had shut before the attack, but the door to the Religions wing is damaged and open.
"They sent more this time." Who's they? Not known.
Bardrogue can't get more popcorn as the machine fell over in the blast. Gets Dippin' Dots instead.
Can we discover what they were looking for? Let's go into the Religion wing. There DOES seem to be a newer exhibit here with a larger, octagonal stone disc with a ruby in the center (does not resemble the medallions). Perfectly spherical, softball size ruby. Skeletons positioned around them, traumatically slain. Inscriptions around the ruby's setting. Detecting TONS of magic, all schools. A symbol at the top matches one on the medallions. Amun writes out the glyphs so Sable can touch it, using Comprehend Languages.
Cat Fattner Persuades one of the cowering faerie dragons to come down and tell us about the display. The dragon wants to know what happened out there, and we mention the robed figures. Four months ago, a mountain to the north, a large temple. Recently two armed interlopers came in claiming they served Urethal. Their curator connected Urethal to the temple and to this artifect. Comprehend Languages: One of the languages around this is Celestial. Six different words: blood, souls, and, it, the, sacrifice. Tries casting it on Amun for a second shot at this. What Sable saw as Celestial, Amun sees as being of anicent Yuan-ti influence. "name" is added to the list of recognized words. Makes a rubbing of the etched duplication of the text for future reference.
Sound of a sword being unsheathed behind us. It's a guard who was freed from the rubble following the battle. Museum's closed, so what are we all doing here? "I work here." Bardrogue is fired, and we are told to scram.
Linda is glad we're alive, can't have another tour group dying on her. "Another??" We're given meal vouchers in lieu of refunds.
(DINNER)
The city was founded by dwarfs but is currently run by a city council, majority human.
We head to Ezak's Bar and Grill. The town militia is trying to keep order outside the museum.
We surrender our vouchers and order from the menu. Matt is carefully taking note of our orders.
We roll to find various things in our foods and receive various benefits.
Once the meal's done, the waiter wants to talk to us about killing his men. Oh, and he has a ring with the emblem we saw on their amulets. Let's chat. They attacked us first! They were only told to attack museum staff. Bardrogue takes off his nametag, explains he worked the popcorn machine. "I guess I should have been more specific." The robed figures weren't very competent, it seems, and used the entirety of the explosives that were meant to be used later in the assault.
He wants to employ us to try and get back the taken object, insisting that it's his. Will this stop the attacks on the museum? As long as they don't have anything else belonging to him, then yes.
The Eye of Urethal, used for the soul's final judgment upon death. If the soul is found to be pure, it would ascend, leaving the body behind. Impure, the body and soul would be disintegrated, for not even hell was suitable for them.
Runux Hillsplitter. His clan was instrumental in the founding of this city, but have since mostly died out. He outlines what we need to do in preparation.
There is an ironclad ship at the docks, M.V.Skullcleaver, halforc warship. The captain's a reasonable gent, and we can get explosives there.
But to get into the vault, we'll need to deal with magical darkness. In the mountains, there is a wizard named Novad. She should be able to make obsidian goggles to allow us to see, and is also very reasonable.
Come back to him after making these preparations, and he'll send us on the next part.
We head to the docks together. Spot some halforcs and approach, detecting a strong smell of alcohol. Ahoy! Lea tries to be seductive about it, but they are soooo drunk. Amun addresses them in Orcish.
"Are you here for Glorgenborsch?" Glorgenbortsh, revered Orcish feasting holiday. We're gonna help them load their dinghy to bring their celebration supplies back to the ship. Their names are Ugg, Igg, and Ogg.
Reaching the ship we are asked for a password. Amun mentions the three names, which is no help. Mentions Glurganborsche, Yaaay! We are given the ropes, Sleight of Hand 23, 24 for the two ropes, all's good! Pulled up, they take the barrels. Can we find the captain? Reportedly, he is drunk in his quarters. Quartermaster's puking over there. First mate's with the Captain.
Given the option, maybe we'll party with this lot? Oh, but we'd need proper drinkware. Better speak to the Captain Oggris!
Knock-knock! Yes, who's there? The first mate answers the door, an 8-foot tall orc chieftain with a high voice. Hey, we need flagons, but also explosives! Sure, we'll join you. Weirdly ornate for a halforc's quarters. Rich goth kid, luxurious but trying to look edgy. Captain fucking passed out.
We take turns trying to pull flagons from a stack, with some toppling until the Captain is awakened. We are told to roll Initiative.
Amun tries to deescalate the situation and have Pip, the first mate, talk to the Captain for us. Pip tells him we're here with the 14th load. He looks at Reese and his enormous scythe. "GLORGINBURSCH??" "...Glorg'nbarscht." The Captain flings a full flagon at him. Reese manages to catch it. They both chug. CON save 20, Reese keeps up with him! And wins! But also looks confused. The Captain shouts "GLOORGENBOORSCH!!" and crushes the flagon against his own head. Reese does the same for 5 bludgeoning damage. The Captain is pleased. We're gonna drink with the crew! Amun deceives Reese into believing this must be done naked.
The Captain casts open the doors back to the deck, and we end the session here.
Book 2 - To Be Determined - July 24th 2022
Session notes:
The crew is strewn about the deck, strong smells of alcohol and pure ethanol. The captain gets their attention and announces us and that we are here to celebrate Glaerganbartche! The crew chants, demanding the telling of our histories, our tales. Points at tabaxi Sable. "Tales... from... tail!" Sabel tells of her family history and their gorgon ancestor. "You snakey? You half as well?" Yes... and they cheer! Another spots Cat Fattner and HIS tail. "Tales from TAIL!" They pretend to be interested in his family history of entrepreneurship. They cheer! His grandfather invented Old Bay, and there is a cask on board!
Two have told tales. Now the next part of Glorgaunbaerche, for which we must celebrate the ORCISH side!
Lee is introduced, having just wandered into the scene. Amun berates him, they were supposed to meet at the museum. He's very animated. Denim jacket with many patches, and he's got a band!
Now, COMBAT! Roll Glorgitiative.
They all move to the edges, and in the center, a giant chicken is raised from the hold. It belches flames. We combat it with varying levels of wtf.
Upon its defeat, it bursts into flame. We are told to eat some! Failing the CON save means 5 fire damage. Lea shifts into bear form to bite off a chunk, impressing the crew, one of whom immediately starts getting a bear tattoo. Lea also gets to roll to discover 9 smooth, round stones inside it, each the size of a golf ball. Sable investigates, and they are pieces of cannon shot. An orc wants to pat Bear Lea. It's the quartermaster. Sable asks him for explosives. He wishes to know why. He's not keen on the museum heist idea, justified or not, but hears Galena out on the personal item dagger. He's interested in trading for a weapon she crafts, perhaps. She uses her class feature to craft a scimitar. Lee shows the crew how to pickle the feet of the chicken, though the concept of patiently waiting for the food seems unnatural to them.
The quartermaster presents the finished blade to the captain. The captain is impressed, and immediately slices the pickling barrel in twain.
 
How much of the explosive is needed? INT check says probably about 20 pounds. We ask for 40. He puts the crate in a dinghy for us for later. But there's a hooded figure in the boat who immediately begins lowering it. Lea gives chase but can't stop him fleeing. Several of us leap for the boat. Some land in the water. The figure engages an outboard motor and pulls a gun. Galena charges him to no avail. Droguey attempts to go for the motor but is also rebuffed. Heat Metal on the gun does nothing to him, strangely. Amun notices the figure seems to be mechanical and unhoods him.
Cat Fattner Dimension Doors himself and Sable onto the boat.
We roll Dex saves as the boat crashes into the dock. Amun pulls the entire cloak off, and the automaton falls to pieces. Those who are still standing see another hooded figure rushing for the crate. Sable his it with a firebolt. Those in the water make it to shore and those knocked off their feet stand. Galena unrobes the second figure, a very angry kobold with spring prosthetic legs to make himself taller. He blasts Galena. Sable threatens him. He grabs Sable and tells her not to interfere. He blasts away and withdraws into a crevice in the rock. Those who can fit go in after him while the others stay back with the crate. They come to a small iron door, locked. Sable and Galena opt not to continue after him, as that would be splitting the party. Let's get the explosives back to our guy.
Investigation to look at the robot bits. It seemed to be hastily constructed, but the pieces were individually well crafted. The metals are very pure, but myriad different metals. And the name of a ship "...v...wind" The gun is still there, but the mechanism was fused by Heat Metal. "Property of the Andalusian Navy" And the outboard motor, hastily constructed out of very fine quality steel, like in shipbuilding. Damaged in the crash. Its power source is another one of those iron balls, but glowing white-hot. An enchantment was used on it, an unstable one. Galena uses her smiths tools (tongs) to pull it out. It's crackling, and increasingly so. Let's get this away from the explosives. She brings it out into the water, where it is vaporizing the water around it. Can we yeet it? Galena drops it in knee-deep water, just in time. Kra-KOW!
Dock workers run up to investigate. Cat Fattner tries to bluff his way through this. They seem really interested in this motor, but we're sorry, who ARE you exactly? Big human guy. Harbormaster Edvard Stalworth.
He's not satisfied with our answers and signals one of the other two to get the guard. But Amun mentions meteorite, and he calls him back. Wait, is that boat 23? G*****ned Glörgënbörsch. He's still not happy about what happened, but understands the nonsense of the holiday.
Minor Illusion, Prestidigitation, and Druidcraft are each cast by different people to create the multisensory illusion of the crate being filled with live chickens. Better not open it more than an inch! This seems to satisfy him.
The kobold is mentioned. People show him where the crevice and the door had been, but the door is no longer there?
Oh, hey, and the crate is missing ten pounds of explosives. But we still have more than we need, so let's just get out of here with what remains rather than making a fuss over it now. We're ordered to take our things and go. We return to Ezak's Bar and Grill drop them off with the dude.
Clean up and take rooms for the night. Shortly after, Runux Hillsplitter asks if any of us want... company... for the night. No one guesses that he didn't mean from him and we all turn him down, so he heads back downstairs to tell someone their services aren't desired tonight. Huh.
Long rest. Breakfast! The cook remembered Galena added seasoning to her food last time, and gives her both a salt shaker and a snarl. Delicious!
The volcano is some 20 miles' journey. There are also liveries if we wanted to rent horses.
Mount Dragonfang, according to the elf at the livery. We pay for our mounts, including Cat Fattner's particularly large one. And we opt for the north toll road. The tunnel comes out into a mountainous area. Perception tells some this path is less traveled, but there is a single wagon track... without the footprints of any animals to have pulled it?
(DINNER!)
We travel uneventfully. A dilapidated house, nothing else of interest. After a while, we smell sulfur and the vegetation thins out.
Perception -- Among jagged rocks along the side to the right, there's something smooth covered in ash. A body? There was an eruption two weeks ago, so everything is blanketed in a thin layer of ash. We investigate. A drow. Appears clothed like one of the cultists, pick axes and medallion and all, but nothing else. Sable takes the medallion, the symbol of Urethal, and rolls a Wisdom save (mayored into a Nat20). Hears the droning sound like we heard at the museum, but it quickly fades. Detect Magic, faint signature of Divination magic. Sable puts it back with the body, opening the mouth to stuff it there. Hears the droning noise once more.
Carrying on. Those wagon tracks veer off to the right, and there's an opulent carriage, abandoned? Perception reveals steam jets in that direction. We dismount.
Some Investigate. The curtains are drawn. There is a yoke for a mount, but not for a horse, maybe a dog? Whatever it is, the bridle wraps around it very securely, but destroyed by fire damage. No sign of any animal remains. Pick the lock. The interior has been thoroughly scorched, charred skeleton, fire-damaged safe. Appears there may have been a small boobytrap, but it was certainly destroyed by the fire damage.
Investigation23, around and especially underneath the wagon, there are some larger cracks. Evidence that things were dragged toward those cracks? But they are at most 4 inches wide. Peculiar, but nothing seems to be actionable.
Back to the horses. Continuing onward.
There were once a few structures here, but they've been burned away. High perception sees a seam in the side of the mountain. A door? Clear ash from it and knock. The door swings open. Hello? No answer. There is a dark corridor sloping downward. We conjure light sources and go onward. A faint voice, and then door slams shut behind us. Galena apologizes, momentarily confusing those who didn't hear the voice. We continue towards some dim, orange light around a bend. Many plants, heavy humidity. Thicccc vines. Huge monstera leaves. This chamber is like a greenhouse, lit by a small channel of lava. All surfaces but the ground are covered in plant life. Perception reveals that 10 feet up the wall, there is what appears to be a serpent tail. Amun addresses her in Primordial. She pulls back the leaves. Redhead woman top half, tree boa snake tail lower half, runic tattoos everywhere. She offers to continue in Common and wants to know who we are, why we're here, and why we have that lockbox. We explain what we witnessed on our way here. She asks for it and is relieved they didn't get what's inside, but she makes a point of reminding Sable several times that she's displeased we tried to open it.
So again, why are we here? Obsidian lenses. Well, she IS glad we brought the safe. She's also flirting with Lea. Like, a LOT.
However, while Novad would like to help us, she can't actually GET TO her workshop right now. Fire newts and salamanders have become more bold, and recently made it into her place. If we take care of this problem, she'll make the goggles and call us square. But she's also noticed most of us aren't bearing the heat well, so she bids us to come with her. A room with a magma pool in the center, into which she slithers. Well, aren't we going to join her? We hesitate, of course, but find it to be hot but not damaging. So we all do as we were told and enter the pool. Haha, she can't believe we actually did that! Novad dispels Minor Illusion, and it's revealed to be a typical hot spring. We can resist fire if we drink from these streams. This requires Con rolls, and everyone but Bardrogue manage it in a few tries. Lea finally casts Protection from Energy on him after he earns a level of exhaustion for his repeated failures. Novad is bemused that Lea could have just done this from the beginning. We're warned that the effect gained from drinking the stream will last one day at most.
Red Green Yellow Blue, in sequence four times. Novad touches colored flowers to open the pathway to her workshop. It is glowing bright orange within. She doesn't know how many there are, but we are to get rid of all of them.
Book 3 - To Be Determined - July 31th 2022
Session notes:
The vines seal shut behind us as we venture down he sloping path. Sable conjures dancing lights.
The path opens into a large chamber, with several lava channels carved into the floor. We count eight figures walking around. Two Large salamanders looking like they're made of lava. Six smaller ones. They look like they're trying to destroy the cabinets.
When our attempt to sneak into the room is noticed, one speaks to us in Draconic: "Don't concern yourself with this business. Begone at once." Sable answers, trying to work out a compromise. But since Novad is ultimately trying to turn the volcano dormant, no accord can be reached. We battle.
Bodies dropping adjacent to the lava streams fall in and float toward the boiler they were attacking. The first corpse raises a gauge from 25% to 50%. We determine that we should try to prevent this, causing some to put themselves into harm's way to grab hold of scalding bodies.
We all fail to prevent the final body flowing in, so the machine rises to 75%, but things seem stable.
We investigate the room for more enemies and other hazards. There are fissures in the wall like the ones by the wagon. Those are where the salamanders were getting in and out.
Novad shows up, and trivialize our efforts by tossing one more corpse to intentionally increase the gauge to 100%, working as intended. She's not worried about the cracks, certain that if there were any more creatures, they would have shown up to assist the rest in the battle. Novad should be able to render the volcano dormant in just a few more days' work.
She starts plucking the eyes from the remaining corpses to craft the goggles. This will take her some time, and she'll only be able to craft five sets. Meanwhile, we can wait in the plant room and help ourselves to any vegetables we want.
Droguey cooks a vegetarian meal for everyone. Fattner fans himself, makes a mint julip. Lee and Sable snoop, noting lots of plant life, books, spellbooks, and tattooing equipment. Sable also discovers a green, 4-foot long small snake with a collar reading "Hello my name is Cat." Lea goes to befriend it, Animal Handling Nat20. The snake seems interested in Lee's rat familiar but is told that it is not food. Droguey rolls 30 on his stir fry, and Novad is impressed and wants the recipe.
Five goggles made, but why do we need them? We give dodgy answers at first, but Sable opts to spill. Novad is revealed not to be a fan of the museum. Maybe we'd grab her the astronomy wing? We'll see what we can do. Sable also apologizes again regarding the delivery, given the way the conversation is favoring finders-keepers as a concept. Novad then opens the safe and pulls out what looks like a bag of seeds. "This is what I need to make the mountain go dormant. They will use the lava itself as nutrients, and dry up the entire lava chamber."
Novad and the museum curator have a history. She was approached to help with the security, but she turned down the job. We'll be contending with more than alarms. A lot of the security system is alive, be it monsters or other trained creatures. Constructs? Yes, he did seem interested in stone constructs. What about bone constructs? (We recall the presence of the dragon skeleton.) Novad wouldn't rule it out. He's a gnome with large aspirations. Interested in having the LARGEST collection, not so much the cultural importance. With his security, nothing has ever been successfully stolen from the museum.
"I know about the Yuan-ti exhibit. That was one of the points of contention that had me refuse the job. If you could leave the message that that one needs to be changed..."
With her blessing, we grab some more food and shut the door on our way out. She's last seen reading a smutty book in Primordial.
It's 7pm or so. It would take twelve hours to make it back. But we can probably make it to that abandoned-looking cottage in four and a half or so. We set out.
Two hours later, while going past that section where we found the cultist's body, we find it gone. There are no additional footprints. The robes are still there but badly scorched. Pickaxes and medallion, also scorched. But nothing organic remains. Creepy. We don't disturb any of what remains and head on.
Another two hours and we are nearing the cabin. No sign of lights or anything. The door is slightly ajar, but no sign of any traps or any other hazards. Inside are a bed, a chair, and lots of portraits. Multiple races, every race we've seen in the city are present, even a kobold. The eyes don't follow us or anything of that nature, and there are some empty frames.
Sable has a creepy theory. Perhaps these are people who have stayed in this place, now forever trapped in the paintings! There is some discussion about letting Lee stay here alone to test that theory.
History31 to recall anything about a place such as this? This road used to lead to a small mining village, dwarfs that mined the volcano. There was a waystation on this road. This is very likely that waystation. No rumors that we can recall. The interior and portraits do seem fairly old, weathered, and broken in places. Seems appropriate for the passage of time and seasons.
There is some graffiti in Sylvan. Sable uses Comprehend Languages. "Speak Help for assistance." Sable says the word in Common. The fireplace comes alight, and everything is mended. Amun, outside, just sees the light through the doorway, all else still looks dark and dilapidated. An elf appears and asks how he can assist us. Sable asks him questions about the place. He's employed here, but he won't say by whom. The elf tries inviting Amun inside, but our companion is reeeally not trusting any of this. Sable asks who is in the portraits. "Just... patrons who agreed to have their image shown and went on their merry way." Insight sees no lies. Lee prods his shoulder to see if he's real. Sable tries Detect Thoughts on the elf. He wishes to help, and he is here to assist. She probes further, but he succeeds on the save.
Some of us opt to go back outside. Looking in through the windows, we see our companions in there but not the elf nor the other improvements. Sable keeps trying to learn information from the elf, but we're already making camp outside.
Do you require sleeping accommodations? Sable:"Yes, but at what cost?" As soon as the word Yes is stated, enough beds for all appear. Sable tries paying with the iron shot to see if fae allergies to the metal are at play, but he handles the iron without any difficulty. It is more than enough to pay for all of our accommodations. Sable wants to use the outhouse. Another door appears, but she insists on going back outside. As she does, the door shuts behind her and the light no longer passes through. Opening it again, the room looks dilapidated as it did when we first arrived. Sable joins the rest setting up camp, excited to report on this to the school.
Sable and Droguey take first watch, Amun and Lea second, Fattner and Lee third. Nothing notable occurs, and the sun comes up.
We carry on, traveling uneventfully to the toll tunnel. The stationed guard asks our names in turn. Droguey is randomly selected to be searched and has to abandon what remains of the produce, though Lee helps sneak some of it in past the checkpoint.
We return the horses to the livery a day early and get a small reimbursement on our fire insurance.
As we are heading back toward Ezak's to report that we have the goggles we pass by the museum. The façade is still inelegantly covered with wood paneling and scaffolding, and the museum remains closed for business. DEX SAVES! Two are hit by debris as a sudden explosion blows the scaffolding away, a blast the size of about ten pounds of explosive material. Perception checks reveal that there is a very large figure coming out of the museum foyer, the size of a massive, blue dragon skeleton. Its head turns toward us and everyone else on the street. It speaks in Draconic: "If death could not contain me, what made you think this building could?"
Book 4 - To Be Determined - August 14th 2022
Session notes:
Hey, Kiel's here! The previously unseen Bombay Manx is mistaken for his sister Sable Manx (who is absent) throughout the session.
We defeat the skeletal dragon. A boomerang-shaped blue gem set in its forehead, which was glowing brightly during the battle, flickers and grows dull with a slight pulse. (It was there when we saw it in the museum earlier, we're told, just had to see given the positioning of the display.) Lea uses one of her elephant tusks to try and pry it out. With Aid and Guidance, she is successful. As she retrieves it, Linda comes out through the dust to thank us for handling this little complication. Lea doesn't want to give up the gem, and Linda says we'll have to take this up with the Curator, who wants to see us by the way.
Some hear a word spoken in Primordial coming from the closed world religions wing, where there is a bright red glow visible in the cracks around the door:"Judgment." The dracolich's skeleton disintegrates. The gem pulses brightly once, goes out entirely, and crumbles as well. Linda:"We were hoping to avoid that." Droguey takes a half a three-day-old churro from the closed off gift shop.
We are led upstairs along five flights. The entire way is adorned with paintings of the museum's artifacts, many depicting their discovery and explorers posing with the objects. Pith hats and massive mustaches abound. The largest painting is of the dracolich, or at least the length of its front legs down to the ground, with a small party of adventurers. Next to it is an inordinately small door marked curator, and near it another normal-sized door marked visitors. Linda says to knock. A muffled voice responds, "What? WHAT?" We're told to come in.
We enter a dimly-lit room. Heavy curtains, not moved in years judging by the dust. Several artifacts are displayed on small pedestals. In a chair at a desk some 50 feet up the room (much like Mr. Burns' office), we see something that looks like a mop. Here sits a very old gnome, described as being Howard Hughes like.
Droguey can read Gnomish! A small brass placard on the desk reads "Curator: Seebock Gnomes"
Do we have its phylactery? We're told that the that the dracolich was kept in check by machinery, but those mechanisms were destroyed in this most recent explosion. Seebock is upset that the Eye of Urethal keeps disintegrating everything that dies within range of it. Droguey gives him the bag of weed. Seebock is very grateful, and he immediately catalogs it and puts it away in a filing drawer, adding it to the collection. Lee questions Droguey's action. "I thought it would help him mellow."
Seebock references some of his backstory that led to his establishment as the curator. The search for Corgan continues, the Greatest Wizard Ever.
Bombay accuses the curator of being culpable in paying thieves for his stolen items. Seebock demands to know if Bombay has any evidence of wrongdoing. Bombay presents the missive detailing two missing things from his and Sable's museum, a knife and a club. The curator studies it and makes a point of failing to recognize the names as recorded, so Bombay describes the objects. Sharktooth club, adorned this way. Umazawa's Jite is pure silver with these adornments. The curator acknowledges that his museum does have similar things, but not by these names, so they must not be the same artifacts. He keeps skirting the issue, and being really dodgy about culpability. Ultimately, he puts away the missive and declares "It has been filed to legal, you will be furnished a response in 6 to 9 months."
He takes the dragon bone dust Bombay had collected outside, but Lea is still not wanting to give up her bag of phylactery dust, at least not before everyone else's needs are addressed.
Amun also wants his stuff back. They have a list, 15 items of varying sizes, names and descriptions. Seebock folds it up and files it, again promising a response in 6 to 9 months. "Linda, standard contract, please." The details are spelled out, outlining that the phylactery dust be returned after the analysis of the legal papers demanding the items back. We note that it's analysis and not fulfillment.
We agree we'll talk with him again when Galena is available. Before we leave, he wants more details on the item Amun was bringing for the museum, but that agreement has been canceled.
As we're leaving, he requests of Linda his spongebath early. We are to see ourselves out. Cat Fattner studies the paintings to see whether he spots the music box he was hoping to recover. He does find one depicting three humans in pith helmets holding what looks to be it. Next to it on a small plaque is written in Common:"Wing 4, Oddities"
We go down the stairs. We reach the lobby, where a crew is tending to the damage done by the dracolich's adventure. There are guards by the door. Bombay sneaks up to overhear them, but they're just chatting about the earlier attack on the museum. We depart.
We head over to Ezak's for a late lunch and to report on our task to obtain the goggles. Ezak himself is cleaning one of the windows.
We all order the fursch and taters. Ezak asks "Where's Runux? He with you?" No, we thought he'd be here. "Up in his room, maybe."
We eat, and then go to check Runux's room. No answer, and it's latched. Bombay lets us in. The room's not much different from the ones where we had stayed. The bed is very neatly made, and no one's slept in it in days. The candle's burned down to the holder, and not in the past six hours. The window, painted shut, does not open. It's a locked room mystery. Droguey finds a 6-year old pornographic magazine under the bed, and he and Lee start reading it... for the articles. The rest continue investigating. The end table drawer is jammed shut, so Bombay pries it open. There's a scroll inside, revealed to be a map of the drainage system all around the city, and the museum is clearly marked. Another marking on it looks to be very close to Ezak's. Droguey ponders where he keeps the explosives, as they are not here, so Runux must have another place he keeps things. Maybe he's there? We're keeping the map (and magazine), and locking the room with Bombay teleporting out.
Investigation reveals he last walked out of the room. We follow these footprints downstairs. They become hard to follow once in the common area.
Some footprints lead to an unlocked door near the kitchen. Within are stairs leading down. We confidently stride through like we're supposed to be here.
We reach a small basement. There are a couple of casks. The smell is strong. The crate of 30lbs of explosives is here. Part of the wall is collapsed, and beyond it is the sound of rushing water. The opening leads to an earthen tunnel to a broken pipe, a 3-foot opening made cleanly at the top. The pipe is 6 feet in diameter, about half full of moving water. Amun calls out in Dwarfish, no response. Bombay takes a look into the pipe. Warm volcanic springwater. Investigation. This break is clean, not yet oxidized, and the passage is braced recently by one of the restaurant tables. Within the last 48 hours. Investigating further would be difficult as Cat Fattner cannot possibly fit through this opening.
(BURGERS FOR DINNER!!)
We opt to return to the main floor, and Runux comes in the front door! "Ah, you got the lenses?" He gets himself a beer. 
We discuss the plans. The waterway is intended as an exit option. The night guard should be more capable than the day guard.
We're going to do some recon tonight. We head over ahead of the changing of the guard at 9:00. Bombay jumps up to a nearby rooftop.
The guards are lounging and smoking. At 9:00 sharp, two formal military drow emerge from hidden doors in the pillars. The guards are alarmed, put out their cigarettes, and try desperately to appear attentive. The drow behead one of the six of them, yell something, and the others scramble away into the hidden door. Like before, in Primordial:"Judgment" and a white light this time flashes, and the body is entirely gone. Neat.
About every five minutes, the two night guards announce that they change places.
Bombay rejoins the rest, and we discuss what we saw. Should we try this during the day, before the changing of the guard? What individual skills/spells can we use to our advantage? Oh, and we saw Linda leave minutes before the guard change, her presence is worthy of consideration during the day.
Could we acquire some contractor coveralls matching those of the laborers? Forge some papers? Get Lea in to create a teleportation circle for Cat Fattner to get the rest of us in magically?
We return to the bar. Ezak sounds like he's cleaning.
We tell Runux that we would like rooms for the night. He asks if we would enjoy some company for the night. Fattner, Lea, and Droguey say yes. Runux knocks on a cellar door, and a familiar-looking elf emerges. "Yes, how can I help you?"
Book 5 - To Be Determined - August 21st 2022
Session notes:
Some are wary of the pleasure elf. "Is he always down there?" "Goes where he's needed." But five members of the group decide to take their chances.
Cat Fattner goes first. An Arcana roll reveals that this seems like awfully powerful polymorph magic. "Oh, I think you and I are going to have a LOT of fun. Can you take the form of a giant bag of money?" Only creatures. "A mimic taking the form of a pile of money?" Uh... I guess? Success! But the currency in the bag is some kind of clay pellets, reportedly a kind of money used in some places. Ten gold for the services! I'll give you 8. The remaining two... will be logged.
Cat Fattner returns to the group. "I should warn you all, this is highly unusual." Galena:"Perfect! I'm next!"
She requests he take the form of a Displacer Beast. Nat1 Con check. 25 damage, a cacophonous noise from upstairs. Runux:"Ezak, need a new bed." 5 gold.
Lea next. Mermaid, specifying a female wood elf on top, fish part on bottom. Transforms into an elderly mermaid, very frail, missing most of her teeth. Says something in Aquan. Lea undresses and gets into the bed. The mermaid lays 9 dusty eggs on the floor. Reverts. "Have you enjoyed yourself?" Ten gold. She pays 11.
Bardrogue has been preparing his request. Performance19 for his drawing of the outfit he wants to see one of his past bosses, Daphne, wearing. But her provided headshot has the elf produce just her shoulders up. She can't yell at him without lungs. But she nods consent for the blowjob, but CON7 has Droguey blow his load early. Ten gold.
Reese asks several questions to make sure he understands the arrangement properly. He lists off a very deliberate description of a gender-indescriminate eladrin, outfit, hair length. "Prostrate yourself with your head over the pillow." They do. Reese plays out a scene from his past, where he releases someone rather than killing them. But the worker does not roleplay and just discusses their role providing experiences. Ten gold, but he only has 9.
Everyone reconvenes. What's the plan? We're told not to bring the Eye back to Runux, but to return it to the temple, some two days' north.
We opt for the plan we'd discussed previously for a few to go in disguised, along with an item of Cat Fattner's to aid in his teleporting in the rest.
Breakfast in the morning. Nothing but salt for Galena. A free bowl of taters for Reese.
Droguey leads Lea, Galena, and the Manxes to the work outfitters. The gnome there puts it on the tab of the legitimate construction operation.
Meanwhile, others work together to fabricate employment documents for Mars, Persian, Micah, and (I missed the fourth name, apologies).
Cat Fattner hands over a ball of yarn with gold flecks in it. Sable ogles it. Galena pockets it.
The rest of us hang around nearby while Infiltration Team Alpha goes on in. A dwarf asks them where in the world they've been, and sends them to check the archway into the natural history wing. But Galena heads toward Religions, and he corrects her. There are four legitimate workers there as well. Galena gets a Nat20 looking like she knows what she's doing taking measurements. Lea Persuades them to go on break, we've got this.
Sable checks to see if the faerie dragons are on site. They're not on their roosts or in the rafters. Galena finds a spot behind a wooly mammoth labeled Rogaineus Maximus to place the yarn ball, Messages Cat Fattner. Those in the square duck into an alley to Teleport to the object. 96, we teleport directly to it, and Galena returns the yarn ball to Cat. We are brought up to speed.
Passive Perception has some notice the doorway in the rafters for the faerie dragons, too small for any of us to use, except the rat familiar. Hoping it may help us access the neighboring wing, we send it up to investigate. But there is a loud POP like static electricity as it touches the door, and it poofs. Well, then.
We toss out some Invisibility and Pass Without Trace.
Those in fatigues go to tell the foreman (Ed, of Ed's) that those other guys fucked off. But one of those guys was coming back for a coffee for Lea, who handed her fatigues off to Amun to be the Face. Amun tries tossing him a gold, but this is hugely suspicious as they're being paid in copper. Ed's called over, and he questions Amun who presents the forged work documents and bluffs past it.
The door to the Religious wing is closed, but opens without difficulty. We sneak through and Galena shuts the door behind us. They can be manually locked from the inside, and Galena begins to engage every one of the locks, despite protest, but she fails the Strength roll to move the cross bar. Invisible Reese tries to assist but also fails.
No faerie dragons here. The Manxes investigate. Galena casts Find Traps, none detected. But the Manxes detect the force field ten feet in front of them, some 6 inches thick. Galena manages to Dispel Magic the force field with a Nat20.
Past it are several beautiful objects, many golden. The Manxes spot a statue of Peponia, and Lee and Amun recognize something as well. But Bombay insists we go for the Eye of Uruthal first. We're some 50 yards in, with another 150 yards to go to the Eye. Cat Fattner stashes the yarn ball in an untrafficked spot in case we need to teleport in again after he recovers his spell slots.
We cross the wing. All the exhibits in the back have been lowered and sealed with metal doors set in the floor, including the one containing the Eye. Bombay etches a circle in the glass. Droguey casts Silence encompassing the entire display and then some. Sable assists Bombay in removing the glass disc. Galena begins to climb through, and we are told to roll Initiative. Once that's set, Galena rolls to avoid being pulled into the gelatinous cube.
Lea takes elephant form and grabs for Galena with her trunk. She successfully pulls her clear, with Galena intentionally dropping her hammer within. We battle what turns out to be a pair of them behind the glass, killing the first.
Reese shatters the remaining glass, silently, to get to the second one. The iron door under it drops open and begins closing again, looking like it will take ten seconds to close again. We agree to dive in after it. The passage drops us some ways down, sloping sideways. We slide to a ledge, where Galena and Lea nearly go over but manage to pull up.
In a large room, we are addressed by a very large, serpentine reptile with about twelve legs, holding the Eye of Urethal. "Pretty thing. Shame you won't be around to see it." The creature stomps a hind leg, and we are enshrouded in darkness.
(DINNER, POT ROAST!!)
Recorded for posterity: Andre finds the line. ("We want to hear the vore!")
Bombay uses Step of the Wind and the Ring of Jumping to launch himself at the behir and cling to its head. "Since he can't get you off..." The table laughs. Matt acknowledges that he did this to himself.
Galena is swallowed. "Twice todaaaay!"
Reese delivers the killing blow. Galena, within, gropes for the Eye. As she finds it, it begins to grow hot. It's emitting the red glow, Primordial:"JUDGMENT" Galena is unaffected as he is turned to Ash surrounding her, and she rolls out the side of it. Sable cleans her up with Prestidigitation.
Investigation31, a pressure plate near the cliff is depressed. Can we lift it to deactivate the magical darkness? Lea turns into an elephant and starts jumping on it. She manages to depress it and the magical darkness ceases.
We can see that there are other drop chutes, all from the Religious Wing, but no other artifacts. Galena looks for her hammer and finds it. But there is no apparent way out.
Chip:"Sounds like we might... Behir for a while!"
Investigating(27) the waterway map, we might be close to the source.
Ah, but we do finally spot a passage large enough for the bahir... on the ceiling.
Book 6 - To Be Determined - September 4th 2022