Down and Out in Academy Hills Transcript (Dialogue Only)

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== Teaser ==
Hercules: "You know, uh-- I don't know what you two are doin' for lunch, but, uh- mine's almost done." 
Iolaus: "Well-- how ‘bout we share-- and when I catch one, I'll give ya half."
Jason: "Eh, give Hercules a break. It's hard to split somethin' that small. Oh! Oh! Oh! This one's a fighter! Come on! Come on! Oh! Whoo-hoo. It's a beauty!
Hercules: "Well-- I see the bait, Jason, but, uh-- where's the fish?"
Iolaus: "Yeah-- it's not exactly king-size, is it?"
Jason: "Uh-- keep laughin'. We're gonna hafta build a bigger fire to cook this baby."
Hercules: [Interrupting]: "Uh-huh."
Iolaus: "Hey-- I got a bite. I got one! I got one! Guys! Guys, I got one! Come on! Come on-- help me! Ahh."
Hercules: "Keep trying, Iolaus. Maybe next time you'll find one for your _left_ foot, huh?"
Jason: "I know what's for lunch-- fillet of sole."
Iolaus: "Yeah-- very funny. Aw. Come here, little buddy. Oh, I am the master."
Man: "Hey! I paid you to make this look like my daughter!"
Argus: "You looked at your daughter, lately?" [Chuckles]
Man: "Next time, I'll give my business to Hephaestus!"
Argus: "I know that voice. Now-- we'll really see-- who's the best!"
Iolaus: "You know, guys-- they don't look like rain clouds."
Hercules: "Hey-- hey, hang on! I'm comin' to get you! Give me a hand. Everything's gonna be fine. Listen-- who are you?"
Fish: "I'm-- well, I-- I don't remember."
== Act One ==
Fish: "This is good! I've never tasted anything like this, before."
Jason: "I haven't, either-- until I came to the academy."
Fish: "Uh-- may I?"
Iolaus: "Well-- if you want it, Fish."
Jason's Voice: "Fish?"
Iolaus: "Yeah, we pulled him out of the pond. We gotta call him something."
Cheiron: "You did well."
Hercules: "Well-- I couldn't just leave him there. He doesn't even remember his name."
Cheiron: "No man is without a past. Someone'll come for him, or his memory will return. Till then, I'm sure you'll take good care of him."
Fish: [Belches]
Hercules: "[That was a] nice one, buddy."
Hercules: "Are you OK? You were cryin' out in your sleep."
Fish: "It was a bad dream. I saw things. I don't know."
Hercules: "What-- what kind of things did you see?"
Fish: "Forge. I-- I think I work there. My mother thought it wasn't good enough-- working with my hands, making things. She threw me out. Well I, uh-- I can't remember but I, uh-- I think-- "
Hercules: "What?"
Fish: "I wanted her to approve. I wanted her to notice me."
Hercules: "I'm sure she will, one day. What about your dad?"
Fish: "Father?"
Hercules: "Yeah."
Fish: "Well I, uh-- I don't remember."
Hercules: "That's OK. Cheiron says it'll come back to you, so, uh-- just try and get some sleep, OK?"
Fish: "Yes. Sleep."
Man's Voice: "Let's go, cadets! Everybody hit the showers!"
Hercules: "Whoa, whoa, whoa-- Fish-- what are you doin' buddy? It's broken. You're wastin' your time."
Fish: "Well I, uh-- I fixed it-- made a few improvements-- adjustments. It'll work better now."
Iolaus: "Why bother? Strictly for beginners-- see? Oh, my hair!"
Lilith: "Well-- well, make it stop!"
Iolaus: "Come on, you guys!"
Fish: "I can't."
Jason: "Hang on, little buddy. I'm comin' in to getcha!"
Hercules: "Jason!"
Iolaus: "Hey! Help me!"
Hercules: "Oooh!"
Iolaus: "Ahhhh! Hercules!
Lilith: "Ohhhh! Come on, Hercules! Do something!"
Iolaus: "No! Not the hair! Ahh! Thanks for the trim."
Argus: [Roars]
A Man: [Screams]
Argus: "Where are you?! You worthless piece of metalworking god-trash?!"
Male Voice: "Did you hear? Simon's got rabies."
Kora: "Hey, guys. I've got something new on the menu that's gonna be a real moneymaker. This place could sure use one."
Jason: "What is it?"
Kora: "Well, I haven't figured out what to call it yet-- but it's made from these dried beans from Ethiopia."
Iolaus: "Dried beans? That's uh-- that's-- great."
Kora: "No, you don't understand. You see-- you grind the beans up-- and then you boil it in water."
Hercules: "Ah-- so it's bean soup."
Kora: "No, no, because after it's boiled, you throw the ground beans away."
Iolaus: "Ah, that's a waste."
Kora: "And you drink the water."
Jason: "You really think somebody's gonna pay to drink old bean water?"
Kora: "Well, you add milk first."
Fish: Needs cinnamon."
Kora: "Cinnamon, yeah."
Hercules: "Ah-- I'm gonna take a wild stab in the-- dark, here. Have you been-- drinkin' a lot of that?"
Kora: "Oh, year [sic]-- a lot. I-i-it's great." [Giggles] 
Hercules: "OK-- let's get back to the academy, all right?"
Hercules: "OK, you can open ‘em. Ta-da! I talked it over with Cheiron and, uh-- we think you're gonna love it here, you know? There's always lots of stuff that needs fixin'. So, um-- Fish-- you know that thing you made at Kora's?"
Fish: "Yeah?"
Hercules: "How'd you do that?"
Fish: "Well, it was easy. Ideas come to me. I look at something, and-- I see what it could be."
Hercules: "You-you just kind of-- see what it-- could be-- right. Whew. I've never known anyone that can see things like you, you know? It's like a-- like a-- gift from the gods, or something."
Fish: "Gods?! I-- can't-- "
Hercules: "Fish, are you OK? Fish?"
Hera: "You're no god, Hephaestus-- no son of mine! You're nothing!"
Fish: "I know my name. It's-- it's Heph-- Hephaest-- Hephaes-- "
Hercules: "Hephaestus? Fish-- "
Fish: [Whispers] "Yeah."
Hercules: "Is it Hephaestus?"
Hephaestus: [Whispers] "Hephaestus."
Hercules: "Huh-- you're a god! But-- that means we're brothers! Fish-- we're half-brothers! I _knew_ there was sum'in' different about you!"
Argus: "There's Hephaestus! You coward! Can't hide from me now!"
== Act Two ==
Hercules: "OK-- first of all, who are you? Second of all, what do you want with Hephaestus?"
Argus: "Out of my way, if you don't wanna get hurt. My fight's with him!"
Hephaestus: "I don't wanna fight."
Hercules: "You'll have to go past me."
Argus: "We'll see, boy. We'll see!"
Lilith, Jason, and Iolaus: "Whoa!"
Iolaus: "Hey, what is your problem?!"
Hercules: "Hey! Hey! Hey! Tiny, over here, huh?! Why don't you pick on someone your own size, huh?! Huh?! Come on. Let's go."
Argus: "You can't hide here forever! I'll be waiting for you!"
Iolaus: "Who was Mr. Congeniality?"
Hercules: "Oh-- he was after Hephaestus?"
Iolaus: "Who?"
Hercules: "Hephaestus? Metalsmith of the gods-- my half-brother. Fish."
Iolaus: "Fish is a god?"
Hercules: "Fish is a god."
Iolaus: "Well-- guess it takes all kinds."
Hercules: "Hey. What you doing?"
Hephaestus: "Not much."
Hercules: "Listen, uh-- why was that giant after you?"
Hephaestus: "His name's Argus. He builds things like me. But he's sloppy-- not very good. Well, I guess he's jealous."
Hercules: "You remember everything now, don't you?"
Hephaestus: "Yeah-- I've heard about you. You're my brother, Hercules."
Hercules: "Half-brother."
Hephaestus: "Ares doesn't like you much."
Hercules: "Well-- I'm not too crazy about him, either. Listen, Hephaestus. What happened? Why are you here?"
Hephaestus: "You won't tell anyone, will ya?"
Hercules: "No."
Hephaestus: "Hera threw me out-- out of Olympus."
Hercules: "Why?"
Hephaestus: "Because I'm not like Ares. Well, you should know-- he's your brother, too. All I wanna do is make things. Hera said if I'm not gonna act like a god, I should live down here with mortals."
Hercules: "What about Zeus? What does he say?"
Hephaestus: "He says this is between Hera and me."
Hercules: "Doesn't he care?"
Hephaestus: "I don't know. I-- I don't see him, much."
Hercules: "So-- what're you gonna do? You know? You gonna go home? Back to Olympus?"
Hephaestus: "No-- maybe Hera's right. Maybe I don't deserve to be up there."
Iolaus: "Psst. Hercules. Hercules-- come here."
Hercules: "I'll be right back-- OK? What do you want?"
Iolaus: "What did he say?"
Lilith: "Hey, what's he doing here?"
Hercules: "Hera kicked him out of Olympus."
Iolaus: "Ooh."
Hercules: "Yeah-- he wants to stay here and start a new life. Looks like we got the world's best metalsmith as a guest for a while."
Iolaus: "Uh, Hercules?"
Hercules: "What? You got a problem with Heph stayin' here?"
Iolaus: "No, but I think he does."
Hercules: "Hephaestus? Hephaestus." 
Hercules: "There you are. Hephaestus! Hephaestus, how come you just took off like that? You didn't even say goodbye."
Hephaestus: "I had to go. If I stayed, the academy was in danger from Argus."
Hercules: "You don't even know where you're going, do you?"
Hephaestus: "It doesn't matter-- anywhere I can live and build things."
Hercules: "You can build things on Olympus."
Hephaestus: "She threw me out?"
Hercules: "Hephaestus-- maybe I'm luckier than you-- all right? I-I've never known my father, but, uh-- I've always known my mother loves me. But Olympus is your home. It's your home-- as well as Hera's. Now go home. Make her accept you."
Hephaestus: "No-- I can't go back."
Argus: "There you are! Stand aside, boy!"
 
Hercules: "What are you trying to prove! You-you're not gonna make your work as good as his."
Hephaestus: "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!"
Hercules: "That's _way_ out of line, Mister!"
Cadet's Voice: "Hercules! What are you doing?"
Argus: "You shoulda stayed out of this!"
Hephaestus: "Nooo! Yes!"
Hercules: "All right, nice shot, Brother!"
Hephaestus: "Right. Come on, slop artist!"
Argus: "Call yourself a guard?! Huh-huh. I'll melt you! Ha-ha-ha! You're not gettin' away this time! Oh, no." [Yells]
Hercules: "All right, Hephaestus. We make a good team."
Hephaestus: "I never fought anybody like that before."
Hercules: "Well-- you stood up to Argus. Glad to have ya as my brother. And listen, who are you?"
Hephaestus: "Hephaestus."
Hercules: "No-- Hera's son. Say it."
Hephaestus: "I'm Hera's son."
Hercules: "That's right. And don't let her forget it."
Hephaestus: "You're right. It's not my fault she's disappointed in me. And I can't be like Ares. I've got to be my own kind of god. I'm goin' back to Olympus. Thanks, Hercules-- for everything."
Hercules: "All right. Oh-- Hephaestus? Uh-- you know, Zeus-- does he, uh-- does he ever talk about me? See you later, Fish?"
Category:ScriptsCategory:YH Episode Scripts (Dialogue Only)