I just want to pretend I never created this. (a fanfiction I wrote)

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I just want to pretend I never created this. (a fanfiction I wrote)
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Vicar Amelia
Vicar Amelia 
@vicaramelia 3 years ago
*RAPE WARNING/SEXUAL ASSAULT FOR FIC*
*and murder if that matters*
Official title of fic would be Otherworldly Desires.
First off I would like to say so so sorry for the sexual assault it's just Jekyll doesn't strike me as the type of person to willingly get together with Hyde. He tolerates him and nothing more really. And as you might've guessed this isn't exactly for all ages so if you don't feel comfortable with this stuff or mature enough to handle it then by all means please don't read.
Also I must add that writing this was thoroughly embarrassing as I've never written stuff like this and I absolutely regret it. But since I made it might as well let the public see this.
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RBDECEPTICON17 • 3 years ago
Dear Vicar Amelia, (awesome name)
Okay first review on this story. Well, its not as bad as I thought it would be considering what you warned me about, in fact its kinda tamed compared some stories in other fandoms i've read. Its short and very well written with one or two grammar problems here and there, and the characters aren't out of character in this.
So all in all, it ain't bad...so cheer up. :) I've made worse.
Yours Sincerly,
RBDECEPTICON17
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Vicar Amelia  RBDECEPTICON17 • 3 years ago
I disagree on all fronts but thank you anyways.
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RBDECEPTICON17  Vicar Amelia • 3 years ago
It was the wrong words you mentioned. :)
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Vicar Amelia  RBDECEPTICON17 • 3 years ago
Also I would like to know what exactly where the grammar mistakes I made? I'm pretty good at English when I try and for this fic I definitely tried to keep it up to par with the quality. I realize I added the wrong words in a couple spots but I couldn't be arsed to change that but grammatically I think it's all correct? Please point out what you think may not be correct so I can revise.
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Mz.Hyde Mod • 3 years ago
I agree with RBD17 here. I've seen far worse fanfics over the years on Fanfic.net, and yes, I have delved into dark topics such as rape, sexual assault, and torture before ( I've even written on dark subjects like this, the ideas pop into my head in that weird time when you're falling asleep, yet still awake, which is one of the brain's most active times. Lucky for me, my personal HJ-7 that I call my Anti-depressant also wears off at this time! Weee!~) But anyways, I don't really see anything wrong with it, just keep an eye out for run-on sentences, commas and semi-colons are your friends!~ So "there there little man, there's plenty to be ashamed of." I am a Hyde after all! Can't wait to see what else you write!
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RBDECEPTICON17  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
Thanks Hyde. :3
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Mz.Hyde Mod  RBDECEPTICON17 • 3 years ago
No problem! There's been an idea floating around in my head for a pretty dark fanfic lately, but it's been so long since I've written anything, I don't know where to start! So I'm in full support of all of these Fanfics that have been popping up! :)
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RBDECEPTICON17  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
Your writing one too? So am I!
For Jekyll and Hyde?
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Mz.Hyde Mod  RBDECEPTICON17 • 3 years ago
Eeeeeyup!
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RBDECEPTICON17  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
Awesome! Whats the idea? If you want I could help you out with it. :3
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Mz.Hyde Mod  RBDECEPTICON17 • 3 years ago • edited
Well...it's based more on book-verse Jekyll and Hyde and...ummmm...I would have to let my Jekyll out of my mind basement to explain it completely...
*Opens basement door...*
IRL Jekyll: HENRY JEKYLL WAS ABUSED BY HIS FATHER AND IT MADE HIM FEEL UNCLEAN AND UNWORTHY FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE AND HE WANTED TO GET RID OF THE PAIN BY-!
*Puts pillow over her face and smothers her until she passes out* 
See? It just festers in my head! Ugh! Stupid depression!
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RBDECEPTICON17  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
'Tries to hug your Jekyll' Its okay Henry, your worthy of life my friend. :3
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Mz.Hyde Mod  RBDECEPTICON17 • 3 years ago • edited
Don't hug her! She's like a parasite! She'll never want to let you go! And when you do get free from her grasp, she'll just make you feel guilty! Also, she's not Henry. We both actually have the same name.
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RBDECEPTICON17  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
Realizing that now! 'tries to push her off me'
Good lord she has a tight grip! XD
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Mz.Hyde Mod  RBDECEPTICON17 • 3 years ago • edited
IRL Jekyll: You want me to let go? Okay, I'm not worthy of compassion anyways. ;-;
WILL YOU GO AWAY?! DX<
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RBDECEPTICON17  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
Seems like a complicated relationship between you two.
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Mz.Hyde Mod  RBDECEPTICON17 • 3 years ago
Ugh, tell me about it!
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RBDECEPTICON17  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
So, I was wondering. I'm working on my one-shot, and I need a beta tester to read through it and see what they think, once i've completed it of course. Would you be cool with doing that?
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Mz.Hyde Mod  RBDECEPTICON17 • 3 years ago
Sure!
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RBDECEPTICON17  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
Sweet! I'll message you when its ready.
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Vicar Amelia  Mz.Hyde • 3 years ago
Arigato Hyde.
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Sabrina Cotugno • 3 years ago
--fanfic by Rachel Pidgley
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Vicar Amelia  Sabrina Cotugno • 3 years ago
Basically.
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Rachel Pidgley • 3 years ago
I find nothing wrong with writing out these type of subjects, as long as you keep in mind how serious they truly are. Respect and care must be put into these things, and I appreciate that you didn't write out the nasty (not that smut is bad, I'm currently writing a piece myself, but it becomes erotica for someone when explicitly displayed, and rape should never be romanticized).
I recently took a college composition class, so I can only hope to be of some assistance to not only this piece but also your future writing projects!
Anyway, this was quick and straight to the point. However, you missed a LOT of pronunciation. It's best to keep sentences under 30-35 words to prevent the reader from forgetting what the point of the sentence is about. You had sentences that reached nearly 50 words, and you barely used any commas in this. Unfortunately, it was distracting, simply because we lost track. Commas and periods are your best friends, and don't forget to proofread your own writing! Waiting about an hour to a day on pieces you may publish for the public eye will help you find errors and prevent embarrassment. Some people can be nasty about these things.
Rape is usually induced by a lust for power, not just sex, on the assaulter's side. If Hyde was described that he wasn't crazed about simply the "thrill" of it, but also because he wanted to feel in control, it would have helped us get into his head a little better. The ending could have been punishment over Henry's disapproval of his actions, a sort of "you made me for your own selfish gains, and now you're questioning me and want me to stop? You should have known what type of beast you'd unleash before unlocking the cage! Let's see YOU pay for your ridiculous hypocrisy!"
I liked the little debate they had going on over love vs. lust. I get the feeling these two would argue over right and wrong pretty often, but neither of them would win. Henry has his ethics, seeing the difference between right and wrong, but Edward is the personification of Henry's sins, if not a representation of all of humanity's vices. Edward can be simply unable to understand good, and while Henry would be able to see both sides of the argument clearly (conscience vs. desires of the flesh), he'd be unwilling to verbally give into whatever Edward spouts. If you'd had made their argument the main focus of the fic, with the assaults implied but still a main concern, I think it would have been much more engaging!
But these are just my two cents. :^)
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Vicar Amelia  Rachel Pidgley • 3 years ago • edited
I feel the same my dear. Also I've always had a problem with run of sentences because I want to stop at a good point regardless of how it actually works. And of course Hyde wants to be in control but I didn't want to dwell on his feelings for too long and make this a fic about his morals. He's not necessarily evil and by the thrill of it I mean it more as something he has a hard time controlling, he's a bad guy don't get me wrong. But he understands why murder is bad, isn't going to stop his desires though no?
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Rachel Pidgley  Vicar Amelia • 3 years ago
I think a fic about Hyde's morals would have been a lot of fun, though! Everyone has different opinions on Jekyll and Hyde's personalities, ambitions and reasons. You can never have enough philosophical or analytical work on this story because it is a great representation of ethics and society's pressure on our actions. Some people believe Hyde isn't all bad, some people believe he is pure bad; some people believe Hyde is a completely different person (Jekyll CREATED him), others believe he's the extension of Jekyll's mind. It's theories and opinions like these that make the entire Jekyll and Hyde fanbase so unique from any other!
I'm not telling you need to re-write it or fix it/extend it by any means, you do whatever you want to do. But it's always good to write something if you really want to write it out, because you WILL learn and it's the only way to improve! So keep writing, my friend!
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Vicar Amelia  Rachel Pidgley • 3 years ago • edited
I should mention I had no idea how to end this and I just wanted to wrap it up quickly thus why we have Henry retreating into himself.
When I put fin there I meant it literally, I left a lot of loose ends.
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