Beauty Chapter 2

This one is going to be less detailed than the last one because…. it's a sex scene. So there's less dialogue and backstory.
I licked water off both of them, taking turns running my mouth down their chests and stomachs,
Um…. this sentence makes it sound like she was licking both of them at the same time. How many tongues does this woman have?
So Anita gives Asher a blowjob, while also mentioning that he cannot get a boner unless he drinks blood. That's a new low in pointlessness. Oh wait, Anita just LOVES giving blowjobs to guys who are flaccid, so this works for her even if doesn't for him. Why does she love it? Because her men's dongs are SOOOOOOO big that she can't breathe if she sucks them off when they have a boner.
But even though there's no blood flow, Asher is hugely aroused, but can't have an orgasm. Um… isn't the whole point of arousal that it increases blood flow to your genitals? If there's no increase in blood flow, shouldn't this be as erotic as Anita chewing on his thumb?
What is JC doing during all this? “I want to watch his face as you pleasure him, knowing he has no release until he takes blood from you.”
JC, you're a dick.
This is what LKH considers "topping" - other people telling Anita, the "strong" "independent" "sexually-liberated" "woman" - how she's going to fuck other people. For some reason, she really loves this idea.
And why is he demanding this? Because it's exactly what Anita wants, of course!
But since only a slut would CHOOSE to have sex, she has to be ORDERED to.
Also, this is so homoerotic that I can't make a joke about it. I'm just gonna show this picture:
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So eventually even JC gets bored watching Anita blow a guy who can't get a boner… wow, that sounds like some sort of really odd fetish porn. But when Anita stops blowing for a couple seconds, JC chastises her because he's "top."
I'm not into BDSM and I know little about it. But I'm pretty sure that you have to AGREE that someone is top before they get to be top.
in the bedroom I gave up that power sometimes. Sometimes it was one of the most relaxing things in the world to not be the one in charge for a change.
This is coming from a woman who is so unwilling to take orders that she hasn't done an animating job in about fifty books.
So while Asher is getting ineffectually blown, JC fingers Anita. It's about as sexy as eating a salad.
"I want you to scream your pleasure with him in your mouth,” Jean-Claude said.
… why? I swear, LKH's fictional kinks are just random as hell.
Asher said, “Let me take blood first, and when you bring her we will both go.”
Bring her what? Go where?
You made a stupid ejaculation joke one chapter ago. Stop using oblique words to refer to orgasms.
Especially oblique words that NOBODY ELSE USES.
Seriously, in my whole life I have never heard "bring" or "go" used this way.
JC refuses because it's not what HE wants, which is apparently to see his old lover NOT getting an orgasm. I'm wondering if this is some sort of selfish wish for Asher to NOT get off unless JC is the one doing him.
Also, he said BOTH of them were gonna top Anita. Now he's telling Asher what to do. This is a continuity error within a SINGLE SCENE.
So they do sexy stuff that is not particularly sexy, mainly involving JC railing Anita and her doing the usual screaming-thrashing thing. So while JC is fucking her, Asher drinks her blood. Then he screws her while she blows JC. Whatever, this is pretty much whatever happens during any sex scene in the Anitaverse.
Then they all orgasm, and JC jizzes on Anita's face. It's a lot less interesting than it sounds.
Asher kissed me last, his tongue licking my lips, and I knew he was tasting that saltiness that was Jean-Claude.
One word: EW.
Several more words: yes, that "saltiness" is exactly what you think.
One final word: EW.
Seriously, these guys wanna fuck. Why can't LKH just have them decide to fuck? Why does Anita have to be involved in all this?! Honestly, in every scene she's treated like a sex toy - especially in this one, where the guys just GAZE at each other while they pork her.
And yes, I know that LKH has claimed that now the two of them get to have sex privately a couple books back… but come on. LKH did that before, then she got Spooked By Teh Ghey and retconned the whole thing back to square one. I wouldn't be surprised if that happened all over again, especially after this scene.
In fact, I just realized that there are no mentions of them having sex with each other, just that they're both panting for Anita's orifiices and that they were once in a threesome with Julianna. Even more interesting, she leaves out that while Julianna loved them both… that they ALSO LOVED EACH OTHER. If I hadn't read the other stories, I would literally think that these guys had been in love with a woman but not each other.
So yeah, expect a total recall on Teh Ghey any day now.
“Thank you, ma petite.”
When I could talk, I managed to whisper, “My pleasure.” And it had been.
All hail the pointlessness! Because aside from backstory that we already knew and a sex scene that wasn't sexy, these two chapters gave us nothing! WHICH IS WHY THE EDITOR CUT THIS LITERAL CLUSTERFUCK.
Oh, and the last third of this overpriced ebook is actually not even part of Beauty, but a preview of her next book. Yes, she charges people for PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL.
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Category:Beauty
Category:Laurell K. Hamilton
Category:Anita Blake
Category:Short Story
Category:Vampires
Category:Urban Fantasy