Inner Tube (transcript)

The following is a transcript for Inner Tube, a 10 minute pilot for The Jim Henson Hour, written in 1987 by David Misch. Directed by Jim Henson, the show includes original music and lyrics by Phil Ramone, Bob Halligan and Phil Galdston.
 	
 	Open on closeup of Crasher looking into the camera, or perhaps out at the viewer. Rock music begins to play. Camera pulls out to show a block of 4 television monitors, which show different shots of the same band playing the opening number -- a short rock song about everyone being able to broadcast themselves.
Sample of the Opening Number Lyrics	
See, see what you can do on the TV
Well, it's me me watchin' you you lookin' at me
Everybody watchin' everywhere
Everybody, you're on the air!
 	Music and singing continues as the camera pans right, revealing a continuous line of TV screens. Then there is a closeup of one screen showing the whole band singing in group closeup. The camera then goes to a shot of the four screens again, and pans left where it finally comes to rest at the block of nine screens which are the main set for the show.
 	
 	Glitch hops out of the upper left screen and, bobbing to the music, touches each screen to change each channel to a dancing image of himself. He dances with his images a moment, then the picture spins on it's vertical axis to show the "Inner Tube" title card on the "other side."
 	
 	The graphic transitions into an interior scene of a room lined floor to ceiling with TV screens. Henry is bopping along with the music as he approaches the viewer, and stops at the block of nine screens and raises the volume of one monitor, featuring a familiar frog.
 	
Kermit the Frog 	...easily the most sophisticated television system in the world, with fifteen hundred channels to choose from, you can always find a program to match your mood, your IQ, your income bracket and your clothes. We have the Aerobics Channel...
 	clip of Miss Piggy reclining gracefully in front of several women doing aerobics
Miss Piggy 	Let's face it, exercise can be very boring. But, if you do your daily dozen with someone you love, the time seems to just fly by...
Kermit: 	...the Millionaire's Home Shopping Network,...
 	
 	clip of a man in front of a map with Denmark indicated
Salesman 	Denmark! One of the finest countries in the world! Textiles! Dairy Products! ...kinda shaped like a turtle! And this week, only yours for just two billion one hundred million....
Kermit 	... and my personal favorite, the All-Kitchen-Utensil Network, which I believe is currently showing Gone with the Wind.
 	
 	clip of sepia-toned kitchen scene, with a knife talking to an old-fashioned eggbeater
Knife 	Frankly my dear, I don't give a spoon.
Kermit: 	Yes, Inner Tube is the ultimate television system of the future, here today to be part of your past. It gives you, the Inner Tube viewer, the freedom of choice to see anything that we let you see.
 	
Henry & Kermit 	(talking along with Kermit on the TV) That's why we say that Inner Tube is more than a way of life, it's television.
Jake 	Henry, it ain't necessary for you to be memorizing every word.
Henry 	Oh, I ain't memorizin' Jake, I just made sure I knew it by heart.
 	There is an explosion from one of the TV screens.
Jake 	Oh! Crasher! Cut it out Crasher, come on now, go on. Get back in there.
 	Crasher climbs out of his TV screen and into the next TV screen below.
Henry 	Is Crasher upset about something?
Jake 	Well, you know Crasher. He wants to be the star of every show, and uh, he can't so he gets a little frustrated. I try to calm him down, but he does have the tendency to crush people into little pieces.
 	
 	Glitch begins crawling across the TV screens, and is seen by Henry.
Henry 	Hey!
Jake 	(turns to look) Oh, Glitch! Oh, no. He ain't supposed to be doin' that. Henry, go check the transponders.
Henry 	Okay. (runs back behind the panel of TVs, then runs back) Okay, I checked 'em!
Jake 	Yeah, and what was the reading?
Henry 	Oooh! (he runs back behind the TVs again) Oh, it looks bad! (runs back up to Jake) Glitch could destabilize the signal!
Jake 	Henry don't jump to conclusions! Now, what is the normal reading for the reality mode break-ins?
Henry 	The normal reading?
Jake 	Yeah.
Henry 	Uh...
Jake 	Twelve?
Henry 	Twelve! Yeah... roughly.
Jake 	And what was the reading you just saw?
Henry 	Uhm, ah, uh... eighteen thousand? ...seems little high.
Jake 	Henry, you don't realize what this means, do you?
Henry 	We're gonna have to go in?
Jake 	No, we're gonna have to go in! Glitch could destabilize the signal!
 	
 	Jake picks up a remote control and zaps the two of them up into a TV screen. They land in the middle of a rock band playing in a studio.
Duke 	Jake! Henry! We're trying to rehearse!
Maya 	Something wrong, guys?
Jake 	Nuttin', no problem, a possible little misalignment in the transponder matrix.
 	
Digit 	Transponder problems? (takes a hit from a crackling electric cable) I hate when that happens.
Henry 	Anyone seen Glitch?
Duke 	Come on guys, let's rehearse.
Maya 	What's this, suddenly you're in charge?
Duke: 	Maya, when there's a leadership gap someone must fill it.
Maya 	But Duke, you've got a brain gap and no-one fills that.
 	The nameless Inner Tube Drummer does a rimshot and laughs.
Digit 	Don't follow leaders, watch your parking meters.
Maya 	You got it, Digit! Now, can we help, Jake?
Jake 	No no no, just a glitch in the system. Come on, Henry. (they roll offscreen)
Drummer 	Big deal.
Digit 	Live it or live with it.
Duke 	Well, yeah, I mean look at us. We do just fine and we're surrounded by technology. Smash cuts, chroma keys, slow-mo, rotoscoping...
Maya 	Eight bar hooks, low-funk retro rock...
Digit 	Digital modulation wash...
Drummer 	Paradiddle flamadiddle.
Duke 	Flamadiddle?
 	
 	Crasher smashes through the wall behind Duke into their studio.
Crasher 	Exploooooo-sions! Ha ha ha ha ha! (runs off screen)
Duke 	Explosions have nothing to do with technology!
 	
 	The screen surprises the band by tearing in half, revealing man's (live actor) head, wearing a pirate's headscarf and eyepatch, floating on a blue-sky background -- obviously a green-screen effect.
 	
Zaloom 	Technology? I'll show you technology! Ah, look! A beautiful lake! (He glides over to a tabletop decorated to look like a lake shore scene, makes blowing wind sounds and his disembodied hands place a toy tree and toy frog in the scene.) Flora and fauna! Meanwhile... (He glides over to a "factory" built from cardboard boxes and tubes, and pulls plastic wrap "smoke" out of a smokestack. Making appropriate smoke and wind sounds with his mouth, he carries it back to the "lake" scene and makes it rain pollution. He then hacks and coughs as he makes the tree fall over, and ribbits a death scene for the frog, which he flips on it's back.) And that's technology!
 	Sirens and bells sound.
Zaloom 	Oh, they found me! Well, don't worry I'll be back. Zaloooooooooooom!
 	
 	His head spins away into the distance as Jake and Henry push the torn TV screen back together. They are in front of the block of nine TV screens again, each of which shows Zaloom's face.
Jake 	Whew! It's that video pirate, Zaloom. (He picks up a remote and starts restoring the channels)
Henry 	Why can't he stay in his own channel?
Jake 	He doesn't have one.
 	
 	As Jake changes channels, a closeup of Digit appears on one of the screens.
Digit 	(aghast) A man without a channel?
 	The screen flickers to an image of Glitch.
Jake: 	Watch out! Somebody punched up Glitch! Glitch, cut that out!
 	
 	Glitch reaches out of his TV to the TV on his left and changes the channel to an older married couple in bed, then morphs into Kermit the Frog.
Kermit 	...despite the unsubstantiated rumors that there is a glitch in the system...
 	The screen flickers to show Crasher running down a city sidewalk toward the camera.
 	
Henry 	Oh no, it's Crasher!
Jake 	Henry, it's Crasher!
Henry 	It looks like he's trying to break out!
Jake 	Wait a minute, it looks like he's trying to break out!
 	
 	Crasher leaps out of the TV screen, and lands on the floor of the couple's bedroom.
Crasher 	Morning!
 	
 	The couple, who are snacking while watching TV in bed, pause and look at Crasher, then at each other, then back to Crasher and resume snacking.
Chet 	Well, whaddya think Babs?
Babs 	Nice effect, Chet.
Crasher 	I'm not an effect!
Chet: 	Good resolution.
Babs 	Yep, very realistic.
Jake 	(from the TV behind Crasher) Nope, not here.
Henry 	There he is!
Jake 	There he is! Crasher! Come back!
 	
Crasher: 	Why should I? (hops in bed between Babs and Chet and makes himself comfortable) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Chet 	It almost seems like he's in bed with us!
Babs 	I was just going to say the same thing!
Henry 	Crasher! It's not safe out there!
Jake 	Everything's fine, but you could blow up.
Crasher 	(after that sinks in for a moment) Goodbye! (He climbs out of bed and back into the TV)
Chet 	Nice fella.
Babs 	Eh, for a hologram.
 	Scene changes back to the panel of nine TV screens. Jake stands in front of it talking to Glitch, who is standing beside him in "real space."
Jake 	Okay, we know you didn't mean to mess things up, but --woooooah! (Glitch grabs him by the arm and pulls him off screen)
 	
 	Henry and Jake chase Glitch around as the rock band, again on the TV screens, plays the closing number: a longer, but still short song about joyously immersing one's self in technology.
Closing Number Lyrics Sample 	
Bits and streams and holograms
Will capture me just as I am
I'm trapped!
But i like it
 	Eventually Jake and Glitch appear on one of the TV screens.
Jake 	Right, now, this is your home, and your'e just gonna stay here from now on, right?
 	Glitch waves toodleoo at Jake and skedaddles off screen.
Jake 	Oh, Gliiiiitch!
 	
 	Kermit appears on the middle TV screen.
Kermit 	If you have any questions about the Inner Tube system, our staff or personnel, please feel free to wonder what the answers are. And remember, with Inner Tube, if you're not plugged in, you can't get turned on.
 	Glitch smashes into the viewer's TV screen, and the credits roll.
__NOWYSIWYG__
Category: Transcripts