Headhunters 3: The Terrible Twenty

==Introduction==
Welcome to Headhunters 3: Edge of Extinction, the bloated sequel season that takes this from straight up street racing to flying cars, riding on the top of submarines, and eventually crossing over with the Jurassic World property to maximize profit. After two years of trial runs, the league begins in earnest with a $300 first place prize ($80 2nd, $20 3rd). 
For the first time, we have every manager surviving opening week. But for the bottom teams, it comes at a price. 
==Phase 1: The Great Merge (AKA Team Up or Showdown)==
I understand there are some of us who do not check Facebook and may have missed this year's theme and what it means for the game play. Here is a brief overview.
Edge of Extinction is split into three phases: The Great Merge, The Great Purge, and The Final Surge. We're all familiar with phase 2 (the return of the wheel of fate) and phase 3 (straight up single elim). Here is a breakdown of phase one:
* For each of the first three weeks, the bottom two teams will be on the Edge of Extinction. They will be given two chances at survival.
*Option #1: The two managers team up. They combine their two rosters and co-manage one team the rest of the way. Any winnings get split 50/50.
*Option #2: The two managers keep their teams and go head-to-head the following week in The Engandered Arena (TM). Whoever scores less is eliminated, regardless of where they finish in the standings. The winner survives and also gets to take one player from the loser's roster for free (must be drafted after the 2nd round).
*Both teams must agree on the option and, if option 1, consolidate their team by noon on Tuesday. Otherwise both are eliminated.
Even though just six teams will face this decision, it is a twist that will affect the entire league. Both options extend the amount of time the league sits at over 17 teams, making waiver adds and FAAB spending and start/sits more challenging than ever. 
This week's bottom two teams were Bobecue Chicken and Soul Survivor. Both have top 8 finishes on their resume, but now one of them is going home next week. That's because they chose... 
==Week Two Endangered Arena Showdown: Bob vs. Chantel ==
...Option 2, the showdown! This country truly is divided. Faced with the chance to partner up, make a new friend, bolster a roster without spending a single buck, and guarantee survival for one more week, both managers agreed they'd rather fight to the death. 
I knew Chantel hated me and Bob's podcast, but to rather be eliminated in week two than split $300 with the guy, that's real dark. 
So here is how it works. We head(hunt) into week 2 with 20 teams. Bob and Chan are in a true head-to-head. Even if they finish 1st and 2nd place out of 20, the 2nd place team is going home. 
If they finish 19th and 20th again, the team in 20th is eliminated. The surviving team in 19th and whichever new team finishes 18th then become the official bottom two of the week. They will have to decide to either team up or showdown in week 3. 
What this means for the rest of us: there will be NO new meat in free agency this week. Can I interest anyone in (checks highest scoring unowned player) Taylor Heinicke? 
==Congrats to Steve Blackman's Nun==
Since we don't have an in memorium until next week, I want to send a special shoutout to Steve Blackman's Nun. 
Last year's Mr. Irrelevent survived week one in style and now enters unchartered waters for a nun. He may have changed his name to "Pat's a bitch" but he'll always be a holy woman to me. As the Commish, I was happy to see 2019's Mr. Irrelevent, Derek, go from worst to first. How high is the ceiling for "a bitch?" Only time will tell. 
==New Releases (Kinda) ==
Week two last season gave us Joe Mixon, Keenan Allen, and TJ Hockenson. This year, the talent is a little less, um, talented. Here are the "top five" players currently availabe:
# Zay Jones
# K.J. Osborn
# Taylor Heinicke
# Anthony Schwartz
# David Njoku (Nate, avert your eyes!) 
Note: Yeah, I know the writeup is a day late so all these guys are gone. Next week I'll have this sucker out on Tuesday morning as it should be.
#
#
#
#
#
==Rules Reminder==
Some quick key reminders as we hit our first bidding period:
#Budget for everyone is $1,000 and that is the season-long budget.
# I will approve all trades to ensure that they process in a timely manner during the waiver period. This is not a regular league. Any kind of trade is allowed. Trade for FAAB, players, immunity idols, future draft picks, blood. Everything goes.
#Tie bids go to the higher waiver priority. Your waiver priority is reverse order of standings.
#Score resets every week. You will be eliminated based on your single week total, not cumulative.
#If memory serves (which it usually does not), all the cut players will be on waivers through Tuesday and winning bidders will get their guy Wednesday morning around 3am, giving everyone just one day to place bids.
==Week One Results==
Week One Results
Player 	Total Points
Return of the Mac 	193.32
Ya Hate 2 See It 	196.29
Shotti's Bugatti 	195.77
I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls	192.47
The Guilloteam 	178.42
Beach McBungalow 	176.24
Bad Boys 	174.63
It's Blitz! Track 2 	167.96
Out of Luck 	163.69
Mixon Beer with Liquor 	162.73
Pats a Bitch 	160.33
Last Coach Standing 	157.64
CP 	157.37
Neck-Fix and Chill 	156.66
Misc Emojis 	155.32
Hasta Laviska Baby 	154.58
@FFDraftScott 	154.16
Henry VIII 	147.12
Bobecue Chicken 	132.96
Soul Survivor 	111.84
==2020 Draft Dodgers==
Before we start tracking this year's finishes based on draft position, let's look at how everyone did last season.
Team Results Based on Draft Position 
Draft Pick	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 	Henry VIII 	8
2 	Bad Boys 	2
3 	@FFDraftScott 	14
4 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	10
5 	Out of Luck 	13
6 	Shotti's Bugatti 	7
7 	Mixon Beer 	CHAMPION
8 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	8
9 	Dere-Lick 	5
10 	Bungalow 	6
11 	Bobecue Chicken 	3
12 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	15
13 	Soul Survivor 	11
14 	Last Coach Standing 	16
15 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	9
16 	Steve Blackman's Nun	1
17 	The Guilloteam 	12
18 	CP 	12
19 	Mac 	7
The team that drafted last survived seven weeks. The team that drafted first survived eight weeks. If someone wants to tell me what to do with this information that would be great.
==2021 Draft Dodgers ==
Team Results Based on Draft Position 
Draft Pick	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 	Beach McBungalow 	ALIVE
2 	Return of the Mac 	ALIVE
3 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	ALIVE
4 	Bad Boys 	ALIVE
5 	Pats a Bitch (Steve Blackman's Nun)	ALIVE
6 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	ALIVE
7 	Henry VIII 	ALIVE
8 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	ALIVE
9 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	ALIVE
10 	Out of Luck 	ALIVE
11 	Soul Survivor 	ENGANDERED
12 	@FFDraftScott 	ALIVE
13 	Shotti's Bugatti 	ALIVE
14 	Last Coach Standing 	ALIVE
15 	Bobecue Chicken 	ENDANGERED
16 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	ALIVE
17 	The Guilloteam 	ALIVE
18 	Misc Emojis 	ALIVE
19 	Mixon Beer with Liquor 	ALIVE
20 	CP 	ALIVE
==Kings of the Castle==
===1. Return of the Mac ===
Mac finishes in first place for the first time since week 8 of 2019 with an impressive 208.47 in a 20-team league. That narrowly extends the streak to 33-straight weeks with a team breaking 200. The first place team has never failed to break 200 in Headhunters. 
===2. Ya Hate 2 See It ===
You Love 2 See It. A second place finish despite lackluster performances from Julio Jones and James Robinson. This team is looking very strong, especially if Trevor Lawrence is going to chuck the ball 50 times a game. 
===3. Shotti's Bugatti===
After debuting last season with a 150.24 performance, Shotti starts off 2021 with his team's 2nd best showing in Headhunter history. Melvin Gordon, the man who gave Shotti back-to-back-to-back championships as a veteran keeper in the LOC, returns to the team that delivered him the glory by dropping 31.48.
===4. I Can Dere-Lick My Own Balls===
Don't get confused. This is not Derek's teams. This is a Derrick Henry pun, if you can call licking balls a pun? Keeling is one of four teams to break 190 in the opening week and he did it with 25 points from his defense, which is impressive considering last season he didn't draft a defense. When RoJo kicked the season off with -0.05, I knew Headhunters was on and poppin'. 
===5. The Guilloteam===
The Pittsburgh Guilloteam is the surprise of the week after drafting two QBs who proceeded to lose their starting jobs before opening day. Pat's strategy is like the Matrix. No one can be told what it is. You have to see it for yourself.
==On the Chopping Block==
=== 20. Soul Survivor===
I guess by "Soul Survivor" she meant that when she dies her soul will survive? Got 'em. This team could be the "soul" eliminated squad next week, but that of course assumes that Bobecue can take care of business. Things got soul crushing when OBJ was ruled out and the entire bench had already played. Looking ahead to next week, they may be lucky if they can field a full team but I mean who cares? It's not like Rodgers is going to have another shitty 4.80-point game, she'll be fine. Oh, what's that? She owns Amari Rodgers, not Aaron Rodgers? Yikes.
===19. Bobecue Chicken===
Is history repeating itself? Last season Bobecue was eliminated early, surviving just three weeks before falling short by 17.24. They are struggling to escape September yet again. Bob is one of the few teams with a fully viable bench, with such players as Sammy Watkins and Van Jefferson waiting in the wings to potentially boom in the flex to propel the fried wing phenom to head-to-head victory. 
===18. Henry VIII===
Five players on Henry's bench put up 0 points. The only player who didn't was Justin Fields, who the Bears put in for one play so he could score a touchdown. They didn't want TOO much good QB play, need to be careful. Had to bench him for Dalton the rest of the time. So King Henry will roll out the same piece-of-shit lineup in week two and hope for the best, but with the only two teams below them duking it out it's safe to classify Commish as a vulnerable species. 
===17. @FFDraftScott===
Scott fell victim to the early draft, losing JK Dobbins in the waning hours of the pre-season. He then lost Curtis Samuel to IR on the Friday after kickoff and Big Booty Jeudy mid-game on Sunday. He'll have to start two Moore's on Sunday and neither of them will be named DJ, so this is a spooky situation for FF and we're still over a month away from Halloween. 
===16. Hasta Laviska Baby===
A lot of potential energy here for the Baby boi in 16th. Barkley was held back a little to open his comeback tour but that could all change very soon, and Lamar Jackson's 33 seems like more of a floor than a ceiling. 
==The Middle Children==
Of note among the middle packers:
*Derek opens his title defense in 10th.
*Misc Emojis, the only new member of the Headhunters family, began with a 15th place finish thanks to a monster day from Dak Prescott. 
*Beach McBungalow was the week's highest projected team. They fell 27.43 below their projection but still managed 6th for the week. 
*Bad Boys was the only team among the middle ten to beat projections. 
==Single Season Scoring Records==
Updated through the 2020 season. Will anyone be able to come close to the 3400+ point performances of CP or Blitz from 2019? As teams get eliminated their season will be added to the record books. 
All-Tme Single Season HH Point Records
Score 	Player 	Year
3428.76	CP 	2019
3402.18	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2019
3015.53	Mixon Beer 	2020
2997.67	The Guilloteam 	2019
2980.07	Last Coach Standing 	2020
2743.25	@FFDraftScott 	2020
2733.07	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2020
2709.59	Mac 	2019
2422.98	Dere-Lick 	2019
2377.31	The Guilloteam 	2020
2285.51	CP 	2020
2282.91	Out of Luck 	2020
2046.35	LIVEWithIt 	2019
1941.63	Bobecue Chicken 	2019
1817.79	Carole Pigskin 	2020
1736.99	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2019
1611.76	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2020
1512.91	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2020
1439.40	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2020
1357.00	Henry VIII 	2019
1238.56	Bluedevils 	2019
1132.61	Henry VIII 	2020
1116.98	Shotti's Bugatti 	2020
1055.63	Mac 	2020
1049.89	LIVEWithIt 	2020
975.59 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2019
717.82 	Out of Luck 	2019
713.12 	Dere-Lick 	2020
481.22 	@FFDraftScott 	2019
459.96 	Bobecue Chicken 	2020
286.36 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2019
262.69 	Bad Boys 	2020
115.16 	Mixon Beer 	2019
96.56 	Steve Blackman's Nun	2020
==All-Time Combined Points Scored==
Updated through the 2020 season. As teams get eliminated, their updated totals will be added to the record books. 
All-Tme Combined Points Records
Score 	Player 	Years Played
6135.25	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2
5714.27	CP 	2
5374.98	The Guilloteam 	2
3765.22	Mac 	2
3249.90	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2
3224.47	@FFDraftScott 	2
3136.10	Dere-Lick 	2
3130.69	Mixon Beer 	2
3106.24	LIVE With It 	2
3000.73	Out of Luck 	2
2980.07	Last Coach Standing 	1
2489.61	Henry VIII 	2
2414.99	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2
2401.59	Bobecue Chicken 	2
1898.12	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2
1817.79	Carole Pigskin 	1
1738.10	Bad Boys 	2
1238.56	Bluedevils 	1
1116.98	Shotti's Bugatti 	1
698.91 	Phillip's Team 	1
96.56 	Steve Blackman's Nun	1
==Conclusion==
That's all for this week. Next week we'll review the winning bids, and we'll say goodbye to our first team of the season. Have a great week and happy hunting.