In It to Win It

The twentieth and final chapter of Total Drama Revolution, posted on October 21, 2011.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama Revolution, the final three did stuff that I can't exactly remember. Oh yeah, Dolph gave us a challenge. Or, I think it was Dolph. Who knows? And Elle, our Nebraska Shore obsessed midget, was voted out, leaving the final two to be Tasia and Kavren. Who will win? Who will lose? Probably Dolph, but let's find out anyway!"
Tasia is lying down on her bed. Kavren is on Chatrotate.
"Duuuude, that's bad judgement." says Tasia.
"I haven't seen anything yet." says Kavren.
"Maaaan, you need to focus. We're the final two." says Tasia.
"WHAT?!" screams Kavren. "We are?"
"Yeeeeah. Has this whole game been just a blur to you?" asks Tasia.
"I don't know." says Kavren. "But you do know what I have been thinking?"
"What?" asks Tasia.
"That this whole game is just a dream and we're all figments of Dolph's imagination." says Kavren.
"That's creepy..." says Tasia.
"Yeah, but Dolph would do that." says Kavren.
"I would do what?" asks a voice coming from the bathroom.
"It's not your turn yet, Rainbows." says Kavren.
"All right, then." says Dolph.
The toilet flushes, and the voice is gone.
"You know, I'm starting to wonder if he's human." says Kavren.
"Duuuude, look on your screen." says Tasia.
Kavren looks at the screen, and screams.
An inappropriate thing is on there.
"See, I toooold you." says Tasia.
"Sorry, it's just tempting. You know, you might see boozums." says Kavren.
"You mean like Abbey's?" asks Tasia.
"Yup, totally." says Kavren.
"That's perverted, maaaaan." says Tasia.
"Can we change the subject?" asks Kavren.
"Uh, sure, maaaan. Whatever you saaaaay." says Tasia.
"You know how in every final two, there's one tough person and one goofy person?" asks Kavren.
"Yeeeeah. Like Owen and Gwen?" asks Tasia.
"Yeah. Owen, the goofy one." says Kavren.
"And Duncan and Beth?" asks Tasia.
"Beth wasn't that goofy, but yeah, sure. Duncan was such a @#$% that he was goofy." says Kavren.
"How much ya wanna bet he's watching this right now and wants to kiiiiiiiill you?" asks Tasia.
"Yeah, right. He's probably doing other things." says Kavren.
The screen changes to Duncan and Gwen at Duncan's house.
"THAT LITTLE MOTHER@#$%ER, WHO THE @#$% DOES HE THINK HE IS, SAYING THAT ABOUT THE DUNC?!" screams Duncan.
"Calm down, Duncan." says Gwen.
"HOW THE @#$% CAN I CALM DOWN?!" yells Duncan.
"Stop abusing caps lock." says Gwen.
"SINCE WHEN DID YOU TURN INTO A @#$%ING CAMMY?!" shouts Duncan.
"..." says Gwen.
"OH, AND NOW YOU'RE PJ?! WHAT THE @#$%!" screams Duncan.
Now it is back to Kavren and Tasia.
"What do you think Chris is gonna make us do?" asks Kavren.
"I don't knoooow, maaaan. I don't knooooow." says Tasia.
Chris is outside, and the Taxi of Losers, which is crammed with everyone, comes sputtering up.
"All right, let's do the tedious section where the losers pick who they want to win." says Chris happily.
Lizza comes out of the taxi.
"Hichris! It'sme! Doyourememberme? IdontthinkyoudobecauseIwasfirstvotedoutyouknow, butwhatever!" says Lizza.
"Who doesn't remember you?" asks Chris cynically.
"Ithinkmyparentsaretryingtoforgetme." says Lizza solemnly. "AnywaysipickTasiabecauseyoudthinkIdbeherfoilbecauseofourconflictingpersonalitiesbutweactuallygetalong!"
"I didn't understand a word you said but okay." says Chris.
Lizza runs to Tasia's support section.
PJ comes out of the bus.
"..." says PJ.
"How did I know you were going to say that?" asks Chris.
PJ sits down on the ground in no section.
"Aren't you gonna support someone?" asks Chris.
"..." says PJ, giving Chris the finger.
"All right then, Northworth." says Chris.
Northworth comes out of the bus.
"I'm gonna support K-Swaqq." he says.
"Who is...?" asks Chris.
"Tasia." says Northworth obviously.
"I thought it'd be..." says Chris. "Never mind. Just never mind."
Northworth shakes his head and goes to Tasia's section.
"Skipping Dolph, Gustavo and Kim are next." says Chris.
Gustavo and Kim come out of the bus making out and land in Tasia's section.
"Uh, okay." says Chris. "MacKenzie is next."
MacKenzie comes out with Mattie.
"You guys are friends, huh?" asks Chris.
"Sure, let's support Tasia, okay?" asks MacKenzie. Mattie nods.
"The two most boring contestants. What a good match." says Chris.
"What was that?" says MacKenzie.
"Nothing." says Chris. "I mean, Toad."
Toad comes out of the bus wearing a gigantic costume shaped like Kavren's head.
"W00t! W00t! Kav for the win, yo!" says Toad.
"I can see you're supporting Tasia." says Northworth rudely.
"Shut up, Worthy. You don't want me to pants you again, do you now?" asks Toad.
"All right, let's have a bet." says Northworth.
"Eh?" asks Toad.
"If Tasia wins, I get to pants you. If Kav wins, you pants me." says Northworth.
"I can't wait to pants you." says Toad.
"All right, Trick and probably Cammy." says Chris.
Trick and Cammy come out of the bus, basically smothering each other.
"Hi, Chris." says Trick.
"We wanna support Tasia." says Cammy.
"Because Kavren was kinda an idiot to me." says Trick.
"Yeah." says Cammy dreamily.
The two sit in Tasia's support section.
"Come on, we need more Kav supporters!" says Toad.
"Toad, perfect timing. Let's see Abbey." says Chris.
Abbey runs out of the bus with a doll of Kavren, and a shirt that says "TEAM KAVIE".
"Kavren better win, or else." she says.
Abbey sits down next to Toad.
"Hey, Abbey..." says Toad.
"Hi, Toad..." says Abbey.
"..." says PJ.
"All right, our little friend who supposedly has multiple personality disorder AND violent mood swings. It's Ori." says Chris.
"Hey, everyone." waves Ori. "I gotta support my bro, Kavren."
"Kavren's a turdwad." says Northworth.
"YOU'RE A TURDWAD. @#$%&!" yells Ori.
"See what I mean?" asks Chris.
Ori sits down next to Toad and Abbey.
"I'm so glad my @#$%ing dad isn't here." he says.
Ori's dad drives up in a unicorn.
"Hes, that's the unicorn Dolph ditched for the Nyan Cat." says Toad.
"Sorry I'm late, y'all! Anyways, I wanna support Elle!" he says.
"Dad." says Ori, trying to be calm. "Elle was just voted out."
"Oh, gee whiz, hyuk hyuk hyuk! I'm sooooo sorry!" he says.
"Could my parents be any more embarrassing?" asks Ori.
"What's your mom like?" says Abbey.
"You don't want to know." says Ori.
"All right, Antoine and Vincent." says Chris.
Antoine walks in, grumbling about money.
He sits in Kavren's section.
"Hey, mate, I'm supporting Kavren too." says Vincent.
Vincent sits in Kavren's section.
"All right, then, Chelsey." says Chris.
Chelsey comes out, texting.
"Tasia." she says curtly, and sits in Tasia's section.
"All right, Donny..." says Chris.
"Kavren." he says.
Donny sits in Kavren's section.
"Hey, Donny, remember Chatrotate?" asks Toad with a Trollface.
"How do you know about that?" asks Donny.
"I know all." says Toad mysteriously.
"All right, does anyone have a challenge to do?" asks Chris.
Elle comes out of the bus.
"You forgot me." she says.
"Oh, yeah, just sit in Tasia's section." says Chris.
"What if I want to support Kavren?" asks Elle.
"Well then, do." says Chris.
"But I don't." says Elle.
"..." says PJ.
Elle sits in Tasia's section.
"All right, for the second time, who has a challenge?" asks Chris.
Arthur and Julia pull up in a limo.
"We do." says Arthur.
"ART BRO!" says Kavren, coming out of the cabin.
"S'up, Kav? You're in the final two!" says Arthur.
"Tasia, you better win, or else you'll get a sandwich." says Julia.
"I love sandwiches, maaaaan." says Tasia.
"A knuckle sandwich." says Julia gruffly.
"Oh, then never mind." says Tasia.
"For the third time, who..." says Chris.
"Let's just pick a winner. This loitering is making me bored." says Mattie.
"You're already boring enough." says Ori.
"MattiesnotboringshesreallyniceeventhoughIthinkshevotedmeoutfirstwhichreallysuckedbutIhopeIreturnforallstarseventhoughIprobablywont!" says Lizza.
"I think it's pretty hard for the reader to understand what you're saying with no spaces." says Cammy.
"Aww, you're so hot." says Trick.
Chris gets off his cell phone.
A limo pulls up.
"All right, I have something for you guys to do. Please welcome the LONESOME BODY OF LAND SURROUNDED BY WATER!" says Chris.
The three members of the Lonesome Body of Land Surrounded By Water come out of the limo.
"Hello, hellooooo..." says Randy Spamberg.
"Randy! My man! I haven't seen you in forever!" says Chris.
Norma Taggone comes out, playing a video game.
"Norma, get off your lazy butt and socialize." says Randy.
"Yeah, Norma, you're really getting annoying." says Lakiva.
"Not my fault I have a girl's name, yo." says Norma.
"Norma, do you have a challenge?" asks Randy.
"No." says Norma.
"Dude, that's the only reason we came here!" says Lakiva angrily.
"I forgot. And why couldn't one of you guys do it?" asks Norma.
"It was your job." says Randy.
"Come on, let's get the @#$% out of here." says Lakiva.
The three begin to shimmer, and turn into Dolph, the Nyan Cat, and the smoothie guy.
The smoothie guy runs away cursing.
"What just happened I don't even..." says Antoine.
"Hello, chaps!" says Dolph. "I got a challenge for ya!"
"Wait, so that means the Lonesome aren't an actual band?" asks Gustavo disappointedly.
"No, I just somehow turned into them." says Dolph.
"Nyan!" says the Nyan Cat.
"Here's your challenge." says Dolph.
Dolph takes the million dollars out of Chris' hands.
"Hey!" says Chris.
He starts to get on his Nyan Cat.
"The first person to catch me is the winner." says Dolph, and he flies away on his cat.
"I suppose that's fine, as long as someone catches him." says Chris.
"..." says PJ.
"What are you waiting for?" asks Chris to Tasia and Kavren.
"Uh..." says Tasia.
"GO! IT'S MY MONEY!" says Chris.
Kavren and Tasia run towards Dolph. thumb|Kavren and Tasia run towards Dolph. 
"All right, it's on, buddy." says Kavren.
"Yeah, totally, maaaan." says Tasia.
The two run into Dolph just sitting there, asleep.
"Uh, Dolph?" asks Kavren.
"Oui?" says Dolph, waking up.
"Who are you gonna give the money to?" asks Tasia.
"Well, it was a hard choice. But it has finally gotten to me. The winner of Total Drama Revolution is..."
The eliminated contestants, Chris, and Chef come to the three.
"Uh, a little privacy here?" asks Dolph.
"Sorry, we wanna see who wins!" says Vincent.
"YeahmanIhopeTasiawinsbutKavrenwinningwouldbefinetoo!" says Lizza.
"Honestly, I'd prefer Kavren." says Trick.
"Tricky, you said you wanted Tasia to win." says Cammy.
"Well..." says Trick.
"The winner of Total Drama Revolution is..." says Dolph.
"W-w-w-w-w-wait." says Chris. "Lemme announce it."
"Why should I?" asks Dolph.
"I'm the host. You're the 4th voted out." says Chris.
"Fiiiine." says Dolph.
He whispers in Chris' ear the winner.
"Interesting choice," says Chris. "The winner of Total Drama Revolution is..."
"TASIA!" yells Chris loudly and exuberantly.
Immediately after Chris says that, Northworth pulls Toad's pants down.
"Aww, man." says Toad.
"Ha-ha, you tool, I told you she'd win. You have no swaqq." says Northworth.
"Whaaaaat?" asks Tasia, clueless as to what's going on.
"You won, girl!" says Chris. He showers the money over her head.
"Yes! Hai vinto! Aver battuto che cacca di mucca, Kavren!" says Kim.
"I didn't understaaaand that. But whatevs, maaaan. It's all goooood." says Tasia.
"Can't say I didn't expect this." says Kavren. "Good job, Tasia."
Abbey reaches into Kavren and makes out with him.
"But, I lost." he says.
"So what?! You're still HOT." she says.
"Awesome, then wanna go out with me?" asks Kavren.
"YES, BABY, YES!" yells Abbey.
Arthur comes up to Kavren and pats him on the back. "You did the best you could, kid."
"YEAH!" yells Julia, coming up to Tasia who is extremely happy. "You won! You won the best Toad story yet!"
"Toad?" asks Cammy.
"Me?" asks Toad. "I didn't write this."
A gigantic limo pulls up.
"Tasia, get in. All the rest of you, get the heck out of here." says Chris.
Tasia, Julia, Kavren, Abbey, and Arthur get into the limo, and drive away peacefully.
"Yeah, maaaaan!" says Tasia from out the window.
"Bloop pork noodles in a cup." says Kavren.
"I'm morbidly obeeeeese..." says Arthur.
"ARTHUR, SHUT UP!" screams Julia.
"Well, that was an interesting season." says Donny.
"Come on, Elle, we have some Nebraska Shore to watch." says Chelsey.
"SNOOKIIII!" says Elle, then the two leave.
"Well, I guess I should be heading out. I'll see you chaps at the reunion. Peace." says Dolph, and he flies away on his Nyan Cat.
"Dolphisaveryinterestingandstrangeman." says Lizza.
"Indeed, he is." says Mattie. "I'm kind of scared about the fact that he likes me."
"All right, that's a wrap! How will the contestants be soon? Find out in the reunion! And be sure to watch next season, Total Drama Tokyo, with twenty all-new characters! Although, it's gonna be hard getting rid of you guys." says Chris.
"Aww, Chris. We'll still be in your heart." says Ori. "YOUR FLESHY COW HEART."
"That's disturbing, Ori." says Chris.
Ori sticks up his middle finger at Chris. His dad gets shocked, and the two leave together.
"Well, tune in next time, I guess." says Chris, and he leaves, followed by everyone else except one.
"..." says PJ.
==Author's Notes==
*Kavren and Tasia were planned to be the final two from pretty early on, after I scrapped the idea of Cammy winning, to parallel Arthur and Julia from the previous story. All four characters canonically knew each other before the story and were all loosely based on friends of a longtime childhood friend. 
*The Lonesome Body Of Land Surrounded By Water is such a clear-cut reference that I don't even feel the need to explain it here.
*The fourth boot of the story deciding the winner in a ridiculously anticlimactic fashion, and it being TASIA of all people, would be irritating in any other context—but since it's TDRev, I look at it and simply think, "...yeah. That checks out."