Twisted Tentacles/transcript

(Squidward wakes up excitedly)
Squidward: Oh boy! Saturday! The beginning of my 48 hours luxury of me not having to go to work. I think I'll make myself a breakfast fit for a king!
(He heads downstairs and begins pouring himself a bowl of "Kelp-O's".)
Squidward: Oh, Squiddy, you have the most refined taste in cereal.
SpongeBob (off-screen): PATRICK! PATRICK!
(Squidward is startled, causing him to accidentally dunk his head into the bowl. He starts grumbling before bursting out of his house in anger)
Squidward: SpongeBob, knock it off! Can't you see I'm trying to relax over here?!
SpongeBob: But Squidward, me and Patrick were just going to play thumb wars!
Squidward: Thumb wars? How are you supposed to play thumb wars when Patrick DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANY?!
SpongeBob: Oh, don't worry. I prepared for this.
(SpongeBob pulls out two attachable plastic thumbs)
SpongeBob: Got these beauties at the mall. They're perfect for Patrick!
(Patrick walks over)
Patrick: SpongeBob! Did you bring them?
SpongeBob: Sure did! (shows him the thumbs)
(Patrick giggles excitedly)
Squidward: Listen here. If you're gonna be playing, I don't want to hear ANY riff-raff. Got it?
SpongeBob: Don't worry Squidward, me and Patrick will be quiet as mice.
(Patrick squeaks like a mouse)
Squidward: Well you better stick to that promise. (Proceeds to slam the door)
(SpongeBob and Patrick run over to SpongeBob's house)
Narrator: Later...
(SpongeBob and Patrick are snickering, and as they continue to get louder and louder, Squidward gets more agitated.)
Squidward: Don't those MORONS know how to be quiet -
(Squidward's mailbox opens.)
Squidward: Huh?
(Squidward goes over to his mailbox and opens it. He finds a flyer inside)
Squidward: What's this? (reading) Do you want to get fit? Then head on down to the Bikini Bottom gym, where we're holding... wrestling lessons? The perfect way to intimidate your enemies.
(Squidward gets an idea)
Squidward: Intimidate your enemies, eh? (Looks over at SpongeBob's house)
(A bubble transition cuts to Squidward riding his bike to the gym)
Squidward: Here it is. The Bikini Bottom gym. I'm only a few steps away from glory!
(Squidward steps inside, noticing how weak he is compared to the other fish)
Squidward: Oh. I guess these guys have more experience when it comes to "getting fit". But soon, that won't be the case. (snorts) Getting fit. (snorts again) Intimidating. (snorts again)
(Squidward walks through the hallway of the gym trying not to look weak, and he eventually reaches the wrestling room. Upon walking inside, he sees a shark with a massive six-pack teaching other fish)
Twist: Now, maggots, we're gonna learn how to -
Squidward: Excuse me, is this where I sign up for wrestling lessons?
Twist: Sign up? What do you think this is, a reception desk?
Squidward: Well, uh, I -
Twist: Stop playing around, pal, and GET ON A MAT!
(Squidward immediately rushes over to the only available mat in the room)
Twist: STUDENTS! We have a new fella in the room today. (points at Squidward) This guy. Whatever his name is.
Squidward: Uhhh...
Twist: Name's Twist A. Knuckle. Most tough wrestler in the seven seas. And you better do well in this class or else I'm gonna give you a poundin'.
(A montage begins to play of Squidward trying his best at several wrestling moves like clamping someone's leg to leave them vulnerable and swinging someone round and round before slamming them into the ground. The montage ends, and Squidward bursts out of the gym, looking muscular but tired.)
Squidward: Well... now that THAT's over... I can finally use this on SpongeBob and get my... revenge.
(Upon saying "revenge" Squidward grows a sinister smile across his face. He tries to ride his bike but ends up crushing it.)
Squidward: Great. Guess I gotta walk home now.
Narrator: Later that evening...
(Squidward sneaks up to SpongeBob's house and opens the door. Upon entering SpongeBob's bedroom he notices the sponge peacefully snoozing.)
Squidward: Perfect. HI-YAAAAAAA!
SpongeBob (in his sleep): No, no, please, get away from me. AH!
(SpongeBob wakes up and notices Squidward running towards him, immediately changing into his karate gear)
SpongeBob: So it's a fight you want, eh, Squidward? Then it's a fight you'll get. HAAAAAA!
(The two get into a massive scuffle, waking up Patrick)
Patrick: Wh... what's going on? (opens his rock and heads to SpongeBob's house) What's with all the noise...?
(Patrick heads into SpongeBob's bedroom to see SpongeBob and Squidward fighting)
Patrick: What game are you guys playing up here?
SpongeBob: Patrick! Squidward tried to attack me so I fought back and it was self-defense and -
Squidward: No, no, no, that's not what happened, barnacle-brain! HE tried to attack me in MY house and we ended up fighting all the way over here!
(The two argue over each other to the point where Patrick can't take it any more)
Patrick: ENOUGH! I've heard enough. (grabs Squidward's arm) Squidward, get back in your house, and let me sleep.
Squidward: Get off me, you pink buffoon!
(Squidward tries to free himself from Patrick's grip, but to no avail. Patrick throws Squidward into his house and heads back to his rock while SpongeBob watches from his window)
Narrator: The next morning...
Squidward: Oh... another failure at getting rid of those two idiots. Well, time to get the papers.
(Squidward picks up his paper when SpongeBob notices him)
SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward! Wonderful day we're having, isn't it?
Squidward: I - wha...? Why are you so cheerful? Don't you remember the big fight last night?
SpongeBob: What fight? I was dreaming peacefully.
(Patrick walks over)
SpongeBob: Hi, Patrick!
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! Hey, Squidward!
Squidward: How - Don't you remember the fight, Patrick?
Patrick: Fi-te? What's a fi-te?
Squidward: You know what? Forget it. I'm going inside.
(Squidward goes back inside, the screen cuts to black and the episode ends)
Category:Transcripts