Adongralo

Adongralo is a part in the Wavis D&D Legend.
Conflict sparked by the magic civil war has caused global wide carnage, but a newly formed group of mercenaries are more concerned about getting vengeance on a mysterious Black Knight.
==Synopsis==
=== Volume 1: Valm===
==== Chapter 1: An Ominous Presence====
In 1821, a bunch of adventurers find themselves in Celincia, the capital city of Valm, where the emperor has made a request on the city bulletin board, asking for assistance in the removal of a strange ominous aura coming from the abandoned zoo ruins. Five daring adventurers take up the offer and enter the city hall, where they begin to share with one another their histories, as they waited for the emperor to fill in the details. Eventually, Emperor Foogles himself entered the waiting room, where he explained that an ominous presence had overrun the city a couple weeks ago and has scared the citizens of Celincia into hiding. He then told them that the aura was coming from the abandoned zoo ruins nearby the city and urged them to investigate and remove it by offering a handsome reward for them. The ragtag team of misfits agreed and decided to take on the quest, but Elred, Billiot, and Bryeek got distracted by the nearby fishing pond that was completely empty. Iron Juan and M.A.R.G.E. went over to wait for the other to be done, but with no one supervising the pond, Elred decided to break into the kiosk to steal some fishing equipment, only to be caught by Uboob Duncan, who wasn't really angry with him being there, just surprised. Elred ended up convincing Uboob that they were actually related by burning the Duncan family birthmark into his shoulder with some oil, just so that he could get a Singing Billy Bass from Uboob's wall and get him to tell people that Elred stole it. Meanwhile, Billiot and Bryeek purchased some rods and started fishing (Billiot did have to borrow money from Elred though). Bryeek and Cockamamie were pretty successful, but Billiot couldn't get any catches and tried intimidating the fish, but a goldfish just flipped him the bird instead. They then moved from the fishing pond to the library, where Iron Juan spotted and informed the others there was a copy of Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Roderick Rules. Billiot mentioned that it was a good one, prompting Iron Juan to challenge Billiot for the right to get the book, even though he never stated he wanted it. Billiot the Idiot managed to hit Iron Juan with his axe, then he retaliated shooting at him with his heavy crossbow, but it proved too tasking and he accidentally shot himself in the foot, mortally wounding him. Fortunately he was able to revive himself though, letting him and the others investigate the abandoned zoo at full health (Billiot the Idiot did end up getting the book and he was allowed 30 days with it before having to return it). They all arrived at the abandoned zoo together, walking past old attractions that had become the new homes for local wildlife. Cockamamie and Bryeek went to the aquarium, where Elred tried to steal something from Bryeek, but he just ended up stealing his crowbar instead. At the end of the aquarium, they saw an Octopus chilling in a low, open exhibit originally for stingrays. The three of them got conversing and the Octopus was the self-proclaimed King of the Aquarium, causing Elred to show off that he was the self-proclaimed best thief ever, in addition Bryeek was now the self-proclaimed best eater of ass. Elred swore loyalty to the Octopus King, causing him to tell him that the ominous aura came about due to a strange pale man arriving a couple of weeks ago, then he went on to explain that he went into the monkey enclosure, so the two of them met up with the others and informed them that the ominous presence was likely coming from the monkey enclosure, so they went to it and found a large tree stretching out from it that had seemingly survived a terrible fire and persisted its climb to the sky. It's branches stretched onto the pedestrian path, so they all walked across it and climbed down, but M.A.R.G.E. took one step on it and fell through, hurting himself, but he led the way into an open steel door in the enclosure anyway. They found several skeletons in lab coats and the final room had a strange car shaped-hole that was covered by vines and overgrown trees, then next to it a raggedy curtain. Billiot cautiously opened the curtain and they all saw a very pale man with long hair crouched in the corner. He looked at them intensely and pointed at them with a purple glowing finger, which resonated with the corpse, reanimating them. A one-sided battle ensued with them all being able to at least take down one skeleton each, causing the pale man to cower in fear, crying that he didn't ask for this power. Interested, M.A.R.G.E. asked if he knew anything about him or other necromancer, causing the man to explain that he didn't know who M.A.R.G.E. was, but he did know tales of one other necromancer in the Black Knight Gang called Del Wensley, however before he could go on, they all began hearing the clanking stomps of an armoured man. It was the Black Knight himself, alongside the Sorcerer. The Sorcerer slept the mercenaries, except for Elred, who was punched in the face by the Black Knight.
==== Chapter 2: Castle of Chained Goliaths====
The abandoned zoo had been set ablaze by the Black Knight, but fortunately King Octopus saved Elred, Billiot, M.A.R.G.E., Bryeek, and Iron Juan by bringing them all to the aquarium, which was safe from the flames. When they awoke he explained what had happened, where they also discovered that the Black Knight had stolen all their money, as well as a large portion of Iron Juan's equipment and the Billy Bass Elred "stole" from Uboob. Swearing vengeance on him yet again, they left the abandoned zoo to search for the Black Knight, but they brought King Octopus with them in a bucket of water. When they arrived at the main city of Celincia to collect their reward money, they found that it too had been set on fire, so Iron Juan tried to calm the flames with his oil flask, which literally caused it to blow up in his face. Meanwhile, an old woman had told Bryeek that she saw the Black Knight do it then teleport away with the Sorcerer. She also explains that the Black Knight had recently been seen in the gnome village not too far from here, so they all set out for it. On their way there they passed a circus, so they went in and sat next to Kirin, an amnesiac who had just woken up there. Eventually the show started an the clown woman performing said "do you want to hear a joke?", so Bryeek shouted out, "yeah, go on then?", then she replied with "me too, haha!", followed by "yeah I have a tiger if you want to see it. Tiger? I barely even know her." Afterwards she went backstage and pushed out a cage with a curtain over it, but as she unveiled it, there was nothing inside it. In the audience, a suspiciously furry individual in a trench coat started purring then it started eating members of the audience, so everyone ran out, except for Bryeek who attempted to tame it himself. The beast began spinning around in circles around him, so Billiot threw some rope at him, which he picked up, letting himself be yanked out, while the tiger spun and turned into King from Tekken. Elred tried to convince him to go eat his masters instead, but King didn't really feel any ill will towards them and was just satisfied he wasn't a jaguar anymore (the clown lady just mistook him for a tiger). Billiot the Idiot started flirting with the clown and got her number, which revealed that her name was Plin Plon. They continued their journey, joined by Kirin, where they saw the local Nando's establishment, which had a giant penguin-sized hole in it, since one burst into the restaurant about five days ago. Enraged by the fact they wouldn't be getting any service, Bryeek threw King Octopus' bucket at the manager, who was instantly knocked out, so they all went in and broke the floorboards to sleep there for the night. In the morning, Bryeek checked on the manager who was still outside and discovered he didn't have a pulse, so he started biting his neck for breakfast. They all went to the nearby castle, where Elred pick locked the large steel doors to reveal Bo Jangles in his dressing gown and love heart undies sipping on some coffee from his mug. They asked where the Black Knight was, only to find out that he'd last been there about five days ago when a group of adventurers killed his master, Del Wensley, who was a member of the Black Knight Gang. Mr. Jangles then explained he had an idea where one of them might've gone, but just as he was about to explain where a collection of magically assisted reanimated goliath entities emerged from the basement and the floor above, so everyone prepared themselves and started fighting them off, so that they didn't escape into the village, but eventually they were overwhelmed when more of the came, so Jangles set the castle on fire, burning all the undead goliaths. M.A.R.G.E. questioned where they came from, but Bo Jangles explained that a lot of necromancers illegally test their magic out on goliaths since they seem to be a much more easily manipulatable corpse, however once the necromancer dies they become mindless and violent, of which M.A.R.G.E. isn't really either. With no home anymore, Jangles offered to join them by leading them to where he thought one of the adventurers may have gone. On their way out of the castle they also met Hong Kong Phooey, who decided to join them on their journey as well.
==== Chapter 3: Attack of the Giant Penguin ====
Bo Jangles took everyone to a nearby village, where there had been reports of a giant penguin attack, which Bo Jangles suspects was one of the Adverse Occult. Upon arrival, they find that the town has a bulletin board with requests for a self defence class and a clean-up request at the local bar. Elred, Hong Kong Phooey, M.A.R.G.E., and Bo Jangles hosted the self-defence class, while Bryeek, Billiot the Idiot, Kirin, and King Octopus helped the local bar clean-up. Elred, under the alias Dennis Guise, tried to convince the participants that he was a master of "Bo Jangles Karate" and affirmed that it required your eyes to be closed in order to master. He then attempted to steal from the villagers as their eyes were closed, but all he managed to find was some family photos and a Nando's card. The villagers weren't really convinced that what they were being taught were real martial arts and were about to give up, but Elred managed to convince them they all accidentally beat up the owner of the youth centre (the location the class was being held). Meanwhile, the others were helping to clean up and repair the local bar that had been destroyed, due to the recent giant penguin attacks, so Bryeek investigated further with the owner of the bar, Tog 23, who he had now convinced was his illegitimate son, discovering that it comes at night and destroys the eateries and kills the pigs in the local farm. After completing the clean-up, Bryeek, Billiot the Idiot, Kirin, and Elred went to the farm and found that only the brown pigs were left, and they only had flat bacon, because the pink pigs had all been flattened. They then went to the local vet, who was half-mime, half-person. He insisted that the penguin likely wasn't evil and was probably just mentally disturbed, so he requested that they get it and subdue it, so that he can work towards rehabilitating it. Faced with two options, killing the giant penguin or rehabilitating, the four of them decided to do the former, so they sent out Billiot the Idiot into a field by himself in his signature pink shirt. He was then suddenly attacked by the giant penguin. Billiot the Idiot was sent flying off the stage, losing a stock in the process, so Bryeek ambushed it and critically wounded it. With it at his mercy, he sliced open its throat and brought it back to the bar owner, but they got into an argument when Bryeek asked to keep it for "adult reasons", so he wasn't rewarded. Afterwards, the four met up with Bo Jangles, who asked if they found the giant penguin yet. Realising that they'd just forgotten the entire reason why they showed up there in the first place they explained what happened, causing Jangles to start shouting at them, telling them that they'd better get the giant penguin, or they're fired! Elred then entered the bar with his finger above his lip and a fake moustache drawn on it, pretending to be the bar owner's illegitimate son. Knowing the pain caused by dead beat dads, he embraced his son and said he'd do anything for him, but when asked for the penguin skin, he got into a fit of rage and said "that was from your grandfather, we don't need a reminder of him anymore!", before smashing it to pieces, ripping it up, and burning it. Shocked, Elred said that he had a terminal illness and the ivory in the penguin skin was his only cure. Devastated he just destroyed the only cure his supposed son had, he went into the backroom to grab some rope and asked his son to leave and forgive him for being a terrible father. He attempted to console him by asking if he knew where the giant penguin's allies were, but he knew nothing about it's past other than it did first come into town with a gnome in a mankini, but then Elred let an inconsistency slip out, mixing up his martial arts master alias, Dennis Guise, with his current alias, Dennise Guise (completely unrelated), causing the bar owner to flip out and burst into tears. Feeling guilty, Elred left and went to the vet, where he attempted to steal the imaginary cash register, so Tev Thirteen pulled out an imaginary shotgun and blasted him into the wall, then proceeded to walk over him and stomp his face with the imaginary spikes on his boots, causing further imaginary damage. The half-mime then picked up Elred and began imaginarily shouting in his face, before chucking him out the real door. The four then entered the building next door, run by Tev Twelve a mime doctor, who instantly saw Elred and began trying to heal him as best he could. Eventually, by some miraculous chance, Elred recovered, but the bill came due and Billiot the Idiot couldn't afford it. Luckily, Bryeek had some imaginary money he'd been given by Tev Thirteen, so it was neatly paid for. Afterwards, Tev went out to smoke, where he said, "I have imaginary lung cancer", so he joined their mercenary group to try rehabilitate from his imaginary smoking problem.
==== Chapter 4: Mezzanine Monsters====
Eventually, the mercenaries found a clue as to where the gnome in a mankini was, so they made it to an oriental town on mount Himalayas, but as they approached it, a gang of wolves attacked them. They were able to kill the incoming wolves, but as they finished a whole new pack was approaching them, fortunately, a woman in an oriental kung-fu uniform came out and performed some taolu routines to intimidate the wolves, allowing everyone to retreat into her restaurant, a Pizza, but on Lazy Susans chain. She made some pizza with poop on it for everyone and a poop martini for M.A.R.G.E., but after several complaints she gave them a free hex-bug pizza (not that they were paying for anything anyway). The girl, Hua Men, explained that wolves had been summoned by a druid who happened to be her brother, Xi. He'd apparently been away studying druidic arts, while the magic civil war had started and was quickly ostracised when he returned to find his hometown had turned very anti-magic. Without a chance to properly talk to her brother since his departure, Hua wanted to try get to him and talk him out of his constant attacks, but, since he'd completely taken over the Carphone Warehouse, no one could actually get past his wolves. They all reluctantly agreed to help Hua Men out, but they agreed to do it at midday, so that she could properly prepare his favourite meal, a poop pizza, to help smooth out the negotiations. In the morning, Elred, Billiot, M.A.R.G.E., and Bryeek went to a strip club, mistaking it for a nightclub. Inside, they found a gnome in a mankini, who was the exact one they were looking for. His name was Daddy and he explained how he and a bunch of other blokes banded together in their shared hatred of magic, calling themselves the Adverse Occult, but after they killed Del Wensley, they were pursued by his "boss man", the Black Knight. They all ran off in different directions, although he had an idea that one of them, Poetry Pete, was continuing his scholarly studies at Mount Kokunbal. Afterwards, he got into an argument with Elred, because he kept gaslighting his perception of reality, resulting in Elred punching him, which gave him a stroke. Quietly walking away, the four of them met up with Hua Men and went to the Carphone Warehouse. They sneaked into the building and climbed up a mezzanine to see Xi Men chilling with some wolves, but he was quick to anger and the negotiations for him to calm down didn't go so well, especially since Elred stole the pizza with poop on it from Hua Men because he's a school bully. A fight ensued, which was ended with Bryeek pretending to make a call to Phones 4u to buy a phone, then attacking him, when he got close enough, since Xi Men tried to tell him to buy a phone from him instead, turning into a monkey to better convince him. Strangely, Elred jumped in front of the blow and nearly died, confusing Xi Men and making him flee, wanting to ponder the preceding events. Hua Men then requested to join their little entourage, in hopes they might cross paths with her brother again.
==== Chapter 5: The Great Kokunbal Dodgeball Tournament====
As the dawn of the next day rose, the mercenary group made their way to the village by Mount Kokunbal, where they saw a nightclub under construction. They went there and so a lone construction worker looking for "12 extra pairs of hand", so Elred got one of Bryeek's daggers and convinced him they were hands he could use, but he sliced his fingers off. He tried it again, but the worker was wise to his tricks and was about to get angry, but Bryeek managed to calm him down, telling him that it was just a silly joke. Forgiven, they were brought in and told to put the disco tiles down since he's colour blind. Confused as to why his colour blindness would be a problem for disco tiles, Elred killed him. With unfinished business, the incomplete night club, the construction worker returned as a ghost, but Elred and Bryeek wrote a very sternly written message that read:
"Dear Sir/Madam
Sternly Worded Letter
From Elred Cockamamie Jones MD, Greatest Thief Who Ever Lived"
Elred then held him hostage saying that he wouldn't allow the construction workers to finish the job, until the mercenaries dismiss him from the group. They then went to the church, where they found a sign saying it was closed for training, so they peered in and saw the nuns practicing dodgeball against one another (skins vs shirts). Billiot, and Elred wanted to steal their panties, but they were obligated by intervening morals forces not to. Afterwards, they went to the library, where it was also closed for training, but as they peered in, they saw no such training going on, so Elred picked the lock and went inside. They saw a man reading up on dodgeball, so Billiot grabbed a dodgeball and launched it at him, because he was a nerd, instantly killing him. Suddenly, Poetry Pete came downstairs, seemingly not caring about the fact someone had just died and greeted the party. He explained that he wanted to get into the dodgeball tournament to win the prize of the greatest metaphor known to man, but didn't have a team to participate with, so the party agreed to help him, since he was also the person they came to this town to look for. Before they got started, they wanted to assess how good Poetry Pete actually was at dodgeball, but his remark that "I am to dodgeball, what Gerrard Bognin is to football" put to rest their anxieties. After a training montage day, they got ready to go sign up for the tournament, but not after Elred gathered M.A.R.G.E., Billiot, and Bryeek and discussed whether they should let Pete have the best metaphor ever made. The decision was inconclusive and they continued onward, saving the discussion for later. At the sign-up station, they were asked for a team name, so they called themselves the Bognin Ballers after their favourite footballer. To get into the main bracket, the 32 teams were divided into randomly selected matches, where they had to compete for a placement. Their first opponents were the Wensleydale Warriors, which they used to better familiarise themselves with the rules. They made it out on top and made it to the first round, where the tournament bracket was revealed. Their first opponents were the Davidisafrenchman Devils, who they narrowly defeated. In the second round, they faced off against the Moortown Mutants, an easy win. The semi-finals had them up against the bizarre My Team, who they narrowly defeated. Reaching the finals, they'd accumulated a fair amount of fans, but as the final match with Da Nunz started, one of them fell over, so Bryeek insulted them and smashed a dodgeball down onto her, which a lot of fans found disgusting. Elred tried to save face by telling a joke, then apologising for his teammate's actions, but as they were both distracted apologising to their fans, one of the nuns got them both out, so Poetry Pete took matters into his own hands and managed to wipe out the rest of the team by himself. With the day won, the crowd cheered for an exhilarating tournament, chanting "Bognin Ballers" to the tune of the Jaws theme. As Poetry Pete thanked the party and was about to claim his prize, Elred literally stabbed him in the back, then went into the confessional booth to hear the world's greatest metaphor for himself. When he left, he took centre stage and asked the audience whether they wanted to know it, but Poetry Pete interrupted with his dying words and told him to stop, but Elred loudly announced "the first rays of sunshine gently stroked my face". Poetry Pete, at first annoyed, rested his head on the ground and asked with a smile, "so this is what it means to be a poet?", before resting to die. Suddenly, Da Nunz arrived on the scene and saw Pete dying, so they resuscitated him. He got up and made peace with Elred for spoiling the metaphor. Elred tried convincing one of Da Nunz, the one with green hair, to join the Bognin Ballers, by professing his love, by telling her his "real name" (which was actually his fake name, Dennis Guise). She thought he was weird by using an alias, but she did think Billiot the Idiot was cute, because her type is elongated gnomes, so she joined anyway. As the Bognin Ballers left the tournament, they were stopped by a man in trench coat with sunglasses and a hat on... it was none other than Gerrard Bognin, who acknowledged them and endorsed them with a "Bognin approved" badge. Later, Bo Jangles briefed Poetry Pete on their plan to lure out the Black Knight by using him virtually as bait. Understanding the assignment, he wondered if it'd be better to get more of the Adverse Occult, recommending King Dedede, a strong combatant, and Daddy, a skilled fighter, but everyone was quick to deny the requests. He then suggested the other three, Gnonna Go, Jamel and Ray.
==== Chapter 6: Gangs of London====
Poetry Pete took the Bognin Ballers to London, informing them that Gnonna Go was hiding under the alias Alex Jones to deter the Black Knight, where he'd started a podcast called InfoWars, where he'd discuss his opinions. Poetry Pete told him that the Bognin Ballers were trying to find and defeat the Black Knight Gang by luring them out with members of their party. Seeing how the plan could potentially work and how it would definitely benefit him, Alex Jones agreed to join them under one condition. He proceeded to tell them to look out the window, where they saw The Only Way Is Essex stars and Eastenders stars battling it out in a gang war. Jones considered them scum for disrupting the ecosystem of west-end London, so he requested that they stop the war somehow (likely by killing both leaders). To better familiarise themselves with the situation, Jones explained that West-End London was split into seven parts and either gang was in control of three of them each: the TOWIE stars were in control of Essex, Grimsby, and Shrilanka, while the Eastenders controlled Albert Square, Coronation Street, and Holby. The remaining area, the isle of man, was where both gangs were gathering that evening for an all-out battle, so the Bognin Ballers attended too. The leaders of either gang, Joey Essex and Phil Mitchell came together in the silence before battle and started a thumb war, both of them saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war, 5, 6, 7, 8, who do we appreciate? Bow. Kiss. Fight!" before going at it. Both sides started brutally fighting each other while the thumb war engaged, so the Bognin Ballers stepped in. Joey Essex and Phil Mitchell noticed them and temporarily halted their battle, knowing a third party had just entered. They gathered that they were there to end the gang war, so they came up with a wager. If any one of the Bognin Ballers could beat Joey Essex in a longest "yeah boy!!!" competition, they'd stop fighting, so Elred, Billiot, and M.A.R.G.E. rose to the challenge. Elred dropped first with a time of 11.07 seconds, although followed by Joey Essex who got 12.89 seconds. Having succeeded in their mission, Billiot and M.A.R.G.E. started going for a world record: Billiot dropped at 13 seconds exactly, while M.A.R.G.E. managed to reach 20.90 seconds. Joey Essex and Phil Mitchell agreed to stop their gang war and even decided to join the Bognin Ballers to stop the Black Knight Gang, aware of the misery he was causing. The party returned to Alex Jones victorious, fully recruiting him as well.
==== Chapter 7: Devastating Consequences====
Alex Jones informed the Bognin Ballers about reports of two men, a pig head and a poop head, being seen in a town nearby. Assuming that they were the final Adverse Occult members, Jamel and Ray respectively, they set out to get them. They arrived in the town at noon and Bo Jangles told everyone to investigate the location of the pig head and poop head. Bryeek, Elred, Billiot, and Iron Juan went to the fountain, where Elred "accidentally" pushed Iron Juan, while Bryeek was pissing in it, getting him all wet and piss-covered. Elred also made a wish in the fountain that he wouldn't tell anyone except God, because it wouldn't come true otherwise. Suddenly, they noticed Bo Jangles, Poetry Pete, and Alex Jones on the other side of the fountain talking, which surprised them. Elred was trying to see what they were saying by lip-reading, but he just ended up doing mocking impressions saying things like "I'm Mr. Bo Jangles and I think I'm the leader! Oooh, look at me!" and several Alex Jones impressions. Jangles eventually saw them out of the corner of his eye and hollered them over to explain that he was just telling Pete, and Jones about how he's surprised they haven't been hunted down by the Ranger, the Black Knight's personal bounty hunter, yet. He also clarified that each primary member of the Black Knight Gang are users of one specific school of magic, so they need to be prepared to face any type of enemy. Bryeek, Elred, and Billiot left the group then went to the fletcher to get crossbows. Elred kicked the store owner in the ribs, breaking her back, for no reason, but she was still willing to advertise her wares, but they soon realised that they still don't have any money. Elred and the store owner got into an argument about the price of a crossbow with Sanrio designs on it. She ended up pushing a button that caused all the crossbows on the walls to fire a bolt at the party, piercing them all, except Billiot, who crawled out of the shop and waited outside. In a fit of rage, Elred cast a fire bolt, but the woman dodged it by using her broken spine, then fired the crossbows again. Elred's assault continued as he struck at her with his rapier, but missed again due to the same trick, where she used the Sanrio crossbow to shoot him in the face, mortally wounding him, but he used his rapier to stab her immediately after. She called him an "asshole" in her final breath, before Elred took the Sanrio crossbow. Billiot came back in and got a crossbow with Xbox Gears of War designs, while Bryeek got one with cosmetics that made it look like a broken crossbow. They then left and went to the Blacksmiths, where they met the owner, StreetFighterFanNo3, who had an idea for a what he calls a "videogame" called "Street Fighter IV", so Billiot followed up saying that he was thinking of something similar in concept to this "videogame", which would involve a fighting bear and a luchador in a Jaguar mask, so Elred suggested the name "Taken". Elred asked to see his wares, but he just got in front of the counter and showed them his clothes, so Elred corrected him and they were shown his stuff. Bryeek eyed up the Morning Star, but wanted an Evening one instead, so StreetFighterFanNo3 put in an order for one from his brother and asked Bryeek to mail it. They then left and went to Tescos, where they collected some meal deals and bumped into Plin Plon the clown who offered to pay for their meal deals as thanks for the whole King debacle a couple days prior. They got to the till and the cashier asked if they wanted to sign up for a Tesco Clubcard in exchange for their souls, so they agreed and were given three demonic papers made from hellfire, which they were supposed to sign in blood. Fortunately, Plin Plon had some extra clown blood for them to use, so they were able to get cards without selling their souls, although they didn't even get a discount on their meal deals with them. One positive though was that there were The Office (UK) post stamps behind the counter available for purchase, which Bryeek bought and used to post the letter given to him by StreetFighterFanNo3. They bid farewell to Plin Plon, but she mentioned that they should stay safe from the poo head and pig head roaming around, surprising the three of them, but it had apparently been on the news that he was in the town just over by the abandoned castle. They thanked her for the information, as she got in her honking clown car, then went to the bar to gather the Bognin Ballers and set off. They arrived in the town, which seemed almost like... a ghost town, but since it was so large, Bo Jangles suggested they split the group up a bit to cover more ground so, Bryeek, Billiot, Elred, King Octopus, the Nun with Green Hair, and Hong Kong Phooey set off North. They looked around and Billiot found a wounded gnome man with a poo head, instantly realising it was Ray, the man they were looking for. He let out several groans of pain, before falling unconscious. Suddenly, they began hearing the clip-clopping of a horse behind them, where they saw a man dressed as a cowboy - it was the Ranger. He pointed his hand crossbow at them and spoke (surprisingly had a hillbilly voice rather than a cowboy voice, but everyone just went with it), explaining that he knew the Bognin Ballers had killed two of his targets already, but have now gathered the rest of them there that very day, so he thanked them, however he assured them that he was going to kill them all. He asked if they had any last words, so Bryeek detailed his traumatic childhood experiences of pushing his balls into his body, which caused the Ranger to explain that was perfectly normal and shouldn't be something he's ashamed about. Bryeek asked him if he could do it, so the Ranger stood up on his horse and pulled down his trousers with one hand, while still pointing his crossbow at the party with the other. He then shoved his ball sack into his body, before inhaling his cigarette and exhaling it as his balls dropped back out, before revealing his "party trick", which was to inhale his cigarette, as his balls went in, then exhaled, as his balls dropped and the smoke came out of his penis. Everyone was impressed, but then a bunch of the local fauna in the abandoned area approached at the whims of the Ranger, who was now preparing himself for battle. Bryeek, King Octopus, and the Nun with Green Hair attacked the Ranger, so he called them meanies and ran away on his horse, while his animal allies approached. The other three started attacking the nearby animals that were approaching an unconscious Ray, protecting him. Elred and Hong Kong Phooey rapidly advanced towards the other animals to deal with them, while Bryeek and King Octopus approached the Ranger by attacking the animals in their path. Billiot the Idiot and the Nun with Green Hair stayed in the initial position, protecting Ray and providing support to the others (mainly Elred who was getting viciously mauled by a group of squirrels). Although the start was somewhat balanced, things took a turn for the worse as Elred and Hong Kong Phooey were getting viciously beaten by squirrels, a problem that grew worse as foxes, and later snakes, approached too, in addition, Bryeek attempted to advance towards the Ranger while ignoring a fox that he trusted King Octopus to deal with, but it ended up tearing one of his tentacles off and mortally wounding him further. The Nun with Green Hair was also missing a lot of her dodgeball shots at enemies, embarrassing herself in front of her crush, Billiot the Idiot. Hong Kong Phooey retreated and the Nun with Green Hair revived him, while Billiot the Idiot was forced by Elred to stop helping him and deal with the fox attacking King Octopus, while Elred attempted to tank the damage he was receiving from the animals surrounding him. Elred managed to kill a squirrel, but he was attacked by a snake, putting him in critical condition, so the fox dragged him into its little den with the snake. Fully healed and seeing this happen, Hong Kong Phooey raced down to rescue his friend, where he was stopped by the snake and the fox. The snake jumped at Hong Kong Phooey, but was caught and used like nunchakus to bludgeon the fox, killing them both. He raced into the den, but only found the corpse of his fallen ally. He grabbed his limp corpse and let out a powerful cry, knowing that he could've saved him had he been there just a moment earlier. Meanwhile, Bryeek had finally caught up to the Ranger and he swung his axe at him, dealing critical damage, but two snakes attacked him and the Ranger shot him clean in the face with his crossbow, but he somehow survived the damage. Billiot the Idiot, King Octopus, and the Nun with Green Hair wanted to help, but a bunch of squirrels were menacingly approaching, alongside another fox, so they were stuck dealing with that problem. One squirrely managed to reach Ray and it bit him, waking him out of his sleep, so he suffocated it in poo, allowing the other three to advance to Bryeek without delay. Bryeek tried ignoring the snakes and was able to hit the Ranger again, even managing to dodge his opponent's whip attack, but the snakes were unrelenting and attacking him more. He looked up at the Ranger to check his condition and saw that he was only mildly bleeding, so he said "this is just like Avengers: Endgame", to which the Ranger corrected him saying, "actually, it's like Avengers: Infinity War". Suddenly, the Nun with Green Hair threw a dodgeball at one snake, while Billiot the Idiot shot the other one with his crossbow, killing them both, allowing Bryeek to retreat alongside them while finishing off his Tesco meal deal to regain some lost health. King Octopus approached to for some extra support, but to everyone's dismay, Hong Kong Phooey arrived - alone. He told Billiot the Idiot what happened, enraging him and all five of them posed dramatically, while the Ranger thought "wow, this is just like the Avengers… wait, does that make me Loki? I'm going to need a minute to think about this." He then pulled out a stone with a rune on it and teleported away. The five Bognin Ballers felt a sudden mixture of relief from not having to fight such a powerful foe, coupled with annoyance that they didn't get revenge on the man who got Elred Cockamamie-Jones killed. The rest of the Bognin Ballers had finally arrived after hearing all the commotion and Bo Jangles, M.A.R.G.E., Iron Juan, Kirin, Poetry Pete, and Alex Jones asked where Elred was, only to be met with a depressing silence. They set up camp for the night and held a funeral for Elred Cockamamie-Jones with the Nun with Green Hair handling the religious formalities. After her speech, she asked if anybody had anything they wanted to say, so Billiot the Idiot stood in front of everyone and gave a short, but heartfelt speech, but he was suddenly at a loss for words, causing Bryeek to tearfully shout out, "he stole the words out of your mouth from beyond the grave!" From afar, Hong Kong Phooey asked Bo Jangles, "was Elred a good thief?", to which he answered, "no. He was the greatest thief to ever live." Ray and Jamel's wounds were being treated by Tev Twelve in an abandoned house nearby and when they came to, Poetry Pete and Alex Jones were there too. Although their time apart wasn't that long, it felt good to be reunited and they caught up with good laughs. Ray and Jamel then told their allies that the reason they were in this village was because the witch that cursed them was housed up in the nearby abandoned castle.
==== Chapter 8: Halloween 2021====
After the funeral, Billiot the Idiot and Bryeek went to Tev Twelve's imaginary infirmary, where they Ray and Jamel explained that the witch in the nearby castle had cursed them both and they wanted to get revenge on her. Wanting to do them some justice while they were injured, Billiot the Idiot and Bryeek agreed to assist them with the help of their mutual friend Alex Jones. They needed disguises to help blend in with the potential monsters, so they went over to a depressed-looking Iron Juan and requested assistance with their costumes: Alex Jones dressed like Alucard from Castlevania, Billiot dressed in Samus Aran's Varia Suit from Metroid, and Iron Juan busted Bryeek's nose and cut up his clothes, making him slightly uglier. The three of them entered the castle, where they found themselves in a massive entrance hall, with a set of stairs and just as they split off to either side of the 1st floor, there was a peculiar door with strange decorations on it, depicting something demonic. On the door was a set of five numbered rolling pins with the word "DEATH" over them. Suddenly, a little notebook man came up to them and said "hi there, I'm Notis, the notebook! You might want to explore this castle and share clues with one another, so with my help you can share your findings without having to meet up." They reluctantly accepted Notis' help as he proved true to his words, allowing them to all see each other's writing on separate pages of his body they all held, plus he was just a silly little guy who surely wouldn't do anything bad. They then decided to split up and look for clues (after drawing penises and writing the word cum in Notis), so Alex Jones went into the door on their left to find a massive dining room. Bryeek went up the stairs then left and found a mezzanine balcony area that looked down at the dining room, so Alex Jones tried to get his attention, but was promptly ignored, so he chucked his great axe at him. Luckily Bryeek dodged it and pretended to only just now realise he was there. They waved at each other and Bryeek chucked the great axe down, but it hit Alex Jones and he was left in critical condition, so he jumped down and helped to revive him. Meanwhile, Billiot had stumbled upon an art room to their immediate right, where he'd discovered a strangely position mannequin (almost like it was forming an E) next to a canvas that had the number 2 on it. In the backroom of the art room, was a paint bucket with a bit of string hanging out, so he consulted Notis to ask his allies what to do, only to find a message from Alex Jones detailing the pain he was in. Nevertheless, Billiot asked, "do I tug the string?" and his responses followed "Yes fuck you i hope its a trap", and "What string? Stringma balls", so Billiot replied, "A string of these nuts", while he reluctantly pulled the string out the bucket. Fortunately, it was just a key painted yellow, so he wrote in Notis, after "Are you dead? was it a trap?" and "fuckin hope so", "Piss key#". Afterwards, Alex Jones went up to where Bryeek had just been, while he stayed downstairs and moved forward, finding two locked doors with a red and blue keyhole, so he went through a third, unlocked door, leading to another hallway, where he went to his immediate left and found a bathroom. He relieved himself, while finding a napkin with an X embroidered into it with the number 4 written on the back. Alex Jones had meanwhile found a corridor upstairs past the dining hall mezzanine, which had a set of stairs going down and two more doors. He went to the closest set of doors, where he found a closet full of clothing, so he searched around everywhere, finding a green key in a suit jacket pocket. Meanwhile, Billiot had entered a third door of the ground floor of the entrance, where he found a bit of elevated ground that looked like a stage. There were two doors in there, but one of them was slightly ajar, so he entered it and found several props. A red glass crystal was placed there incongruous to the others, so he once again consulted Notis, writing "Period crystal?", but his only response was from Alex Jones saying, "eat shit and die", so he just took the glass crystal. Bryeek explored another room in that hallway, finding a supply closet with an undead skeleton in it, but instead of attacking he just kept watching "funny videos online" on his strange computer book machine. The skeleton offered his red key in exchange for beating him in a game. Bryeek had to watch five videos he found online and not laugh, otherwise he'd get zapped. He'd only get the key if he watched all six videos and didn't die. Bryeek accepted the "You Laugh, You Lose" challenge and began the competition. He managed to get through the "Numa Numa" guy without laughing and didn't smirk why watching "Talking cat says Oh Long Johnson". He gave a little smirk watching "Bully Maguire on Family Fued", earning him a zap. He managed to get through "prequel haha 2: Attack of the Clones" without laughing, but let out a final smirk as the final video "april fools got you meme", likely a culmination of his inner desire. Having successfully survived all five videos with only two zaps, he was given a red key. Meanwhile, Alex Jones and Billiot were uncovering more corridors on either side of the building, with Jones even finding a set of stairs going down and a room with a statue of a woman holding two books with holes for crystals in them. Bryeek continued searching the corridor he was in, finding a room at the end that turned out to be a cleaning supply closet, where he found a green key on a plunger, so he took both, while Billiot found a door that needed an orange key to open. Alex Jones had discovered a massive library with a golden key hole and a purple key hole, both of which he couldn't open. There wasn't much in the room besides his favourite book, but he'd also found a red key, so he just took and left. Billiot found another corridor, but it also had a room to a gallery room with a strange painting at the end that depicted a white canvas with the characters "X - O = H" in black, in the centre. Bryeek used the green key he found on a nearby door, opening it to a staircase leading upwards, but it also had two rooms in it, so he explored the one closest to where he was, finding a blue key, so he headed back to wear the red and blue key door holes were. Alex Jones opened a door near the stairs he'd found that lead to a sudden drop down a floor that was just full of poop, so he took a dump down there and didn't even wipe. Billiot had also discovered a study room with several pieces of paper sprawled out that just filed boring work documents, but on the desk was a note that read, "The Lover holds their flower high in shame, someone should cool down after getting so heated, a clenched hand holds the plunger." Bryeek had returned to the locked doors and opened them both, starting with the red one, finding a bunch of stairs going up, where he'd seen Alex Jones walking past, returning to the central staircase, so he continued to the next door. He opened it and immediately found himself in a bar face-to-face with a giant muscular guy, who swung his fist at him. He dodged it and saw it obliterate the mahogany table behind him. He cut deep into him with his great axe, but the monster just laughed it off and threw another punch, mortally wounding Bryeek, so he trying to analyse what he could in the room, before running away, since he couldn't get a good enough look with the monster there, but it gave chase to him, as he ran away. Meanwhile, Billiot had come across a set of stairs with a side room with a bed and a blank typewriter. Deeming the room pointless, he went up the stairs and found a yellow keyhole, so he used his yellow key to open it, finding a taxidermy deer with a GP 10 underneath it. Alex Jones continued past the upstairs, finding another corridor full of doors - going through the first door to his right even led to another corridor. Billiot continued searching the deer room, finding two doors to his left and right. The first room he checked was another study that was much neater than the previous one, where he found a note that read "E(E) - J = O". He then left and went into the other room to find a room with a round table in the middle with a suit of armour behind it. He inspected the armour, but it came alive and started fighting him, so he kicked it in the groin, but to no avail. The battle waged on, while Bryeek was still being pursued by the monster, after they'd gone upstairs and into the central stairway from there. He followed the same path as Alex Jones earlier, but didn't take the first door on the left, and just ran down to the end of the corridor, where it stopped following him, as it heard the laughter of Alex Jones from his own joke, after he'd found a small dining space next to some attic stairs full of tinned beans. The monster burst through and punched Alex Jones, mortally wounding him with one hit, but he immediately backed out, because he saw a typewriter in there. Billiot, having narrowly defeated the animated knight armour followed the noise, where he came face-to-face with the monster, who punched him and put him in critical condition. Meanwhile, Bryeek discovered a window room and the three windows inside it, when looked at from a distance, kind of spelled out "T = F", so he noted it down. Alex Jones had managed to revive himself, and he rolled a can of beans over to Billiot, allowing him to resuscitate himself too, before the monster struck again. Fortunately for them both, Bryeek had found a clown entry room (possibly making him the clown), which was empty besides a lone typewriter in the middle. He advanced through it into another room, where he found four clown statues. Having seen Billiot's previous note, he put the plunger in one of its hands, but it made a noise, attracting the monster, who burst through the wall and attacked Bryeek, allowing the others to flee away. Bryeek ran out the clown entry room and down the stairs he'd passed earlier, only to find the monster pursuing him through the deer room, which he had broken through. Billiot and Alex Jones explored the attic stairs Jones had discovered earlier, finding a blue glass crystal and a mural of two giant Babies on the ceiling with a capital B (clearly signifying that B = 2). The crystals however made more sense, as Alex Jones had previously seen a statue that needed them, so they headed to the West side of the building to place them in. Unfortunately, the plan wasn't communicated to Bryeek, who ran all the way up the stairs just outside that room, leading the monster right to them. Luckily, they got the crystals in the statue, revealing a purple key from its mouth that they took and raced to the library with, before the monster got up the stairs, while Bryeek continued running away. They put the purple key into its respective lock in the library, revealing a balcony with an old dishevelled man, who said, "ooh! I have a magic die and every time you roll it, it loses a side. I'll wagers my "gold key" on a game, if you'll partake. You must say a number and you can't roll that number or the die will drain a part of their life. We'll take turns rolling and you can add or subtract a modifier to your roll, but the result must stay within the parameters of the die's current amount of sides. We'll keep playing until there's only one side left or if I die!" Alex Jones promptly smashed his head to pieces with his great axe, killing him, while he stole the gold key and the magic die. The pair left the balcony room and unlocked the golden key room in the library, finding a smaller private library, where there was a book set out on a stand, open to its initial blank page that had the number 6 on it. The book was titled "Dread Dhargarim", so they assumed 6 must equal 'D'. Meanwhile, Bryeek went back downstairs, and noticed that the room was the one that connected to the closet that contained a blue key, so he quickly looked inside the other room, finding a bed and a typewriter with a bit of writing on it reading, "the Monster "J" seemingly won't go in rooms with a typewriter in them". Acknowledging it, Bryeek rushed into the room immediately, trusting in the message. True to its words "Mr. J" just walked past the room, knowing a typewriter was in there and decided to go back upstairs instead. After some time Bryeek went out the servant's room and headed to the entrance room from there, where he saw Billiot the Idiot and Alex Jones coming down the stairs in the red key room. They shared what information they'd gathered and split up. Alex Jones decided to look in the bar that Bryeek met Mr. J in and found a backroom behind the counter, where he found an unidentifiable creature with the number 3 painted on the wall in its blood. He couldn't discern what the creature was and the others couldn't seem to either from the sketch he put in Notis. Meanwhile, Billiot and Bryeek went upstairs together and decided to check the the final unchecked room along the central staircase, but as soon as Billiot entered the room, Mr. J appeared from the west side and gave chase to Bryeek. He tried to go to a room with a typewriter, but he couldn't remember which one it was and ended up checking all the rooms, wasting time and allowing Mr. J to catch up and devastatingly punch him. On the other hand, Billiot found a delicious can of beans in a room that led to an outside terrace. There he found a skeleton holding a prop wilted flower, which he took for the clown room puzzle. Billiot headed towards that room, but suddenly saw Mr. J over Bryeek, so he threw his empty can of beans in to distract him, as well as the wilted flower prop, for Bryeek to put near the statue. Mr. J was distracted by the beans and chased after Billiot. Bryeek crawled into the next room over, into the clown entry room, which had a typewriter in it, and Billiot circled around to it, so that they'd both be safe. After Mr. J begrudgingly walked away, Billiot and Bryeek left and checked the only room upstairs they had looked into, finding a bedroom with a black stain on the floor. Next to the black stain was an orange key, so they took and it headed downstairs from the central entrance staircase, while Alex Jones headed towards the North Eastern corner of the ground floor to investigate the leftover rooms. He found a side room that had a busted high pressure pipe in there, shooting out hot water that couldn't be passed by him, so he left the room and searched another, only to find it required an orange key he didn't have. Suddenly, the door behind him burst open and Mr. J was there and he swung his mighty fist, sending him into critical condition. Fortunately, Billiot and Bryeek had arrived, so they swiftly and quickly took action. Bryeek, with dextrous grace, ran past Mr. J with his buttocks exposed, while slapping them, leading him away from his ally, as he ran upstairs. Mr. J pursued him, allowing Billiot to provide moral support to Alex Jones (he tried to use reverse psychology, saying "Joe Rogan wouldn't just be taking this", which only annoyed him more). After Jones recovered, they split up in the same area, so Billiot entered the orange key room, which was made entirely of marble, but there was anything else in there, so he moved to the next room, where he found a living room. It was nicely decked out with two sofas around a low tea table, with a tin of biscuits on it and a typewriter. By the wall opposite the door was a drawer with a sword on it, so he took the sword and the tin of biscuits, discovering there was a message on the inside that read, "F=5". As he was walking back he noticed that the orange key hole had disappeared and was replaced by a new strangely shaped one. With no other new equipment he tried using the sword, but to no avail, so he he rushed back into the living room, because the ceiling in the marble room was now slowly descending onto him. He checked the room again and found a strangely shaped key in the drawers, so he rushed back in and opened the door before being crushed. Meanwhile, Alex Jones had entered a boiler room with a massive canister with a wheel on it, so he turned it with all his might. Believing the exposed high water pressure pipe would now be fixed he raced back and found an ice cream prop. They all headed back to the clown entry room, where Bryeek was hiding and they entered the clown room to solve the clown puzzle once and for all. They mulled over the answer for a while, looking back at the only other riddle they could find. They eventually managed to figure out which props were associated with which statue, based on intuition, process of elimination and smarts. With the correct pairings made, the clowns exploded and the burns they left behind on the wall behind them revealed a message saying, "A = B + F". They returned to the strange door in the main entrance, where they gathered all their letter and number based clues and tried to decode what numbers symbolised the word "DEATH". Ostensibly, they managed to figure it out with their clues, discovering that the final code was "62753". The door unlocked and revealed a staircase leading downwards.
==== Chapter 9: Heading North====
Billiot the Idiot, Bryeek, and Alex Jones descended the staircase into a dingy basement area full of black cats and cluttered objects like laundry and seemingly materials for potions or curses. They looked at a clock on the wall and discovered it was half past six in the morning, meaning they'd been in the mansion all night. Suddenly, a young looking woman in her pyjamas walked through some beaded curtains with a cup of coffee, puzzled that the intruders managed to get into her lair. Alex Jones immediately shouted at her and called her a fraud, so the woman tried to turn him into a leg of ham, but didn't have the necessary materials to do that, so she said "oh I oughta!" while wind milling her arm. Bryeek asked her why she's cursing people only to find that its her hobby and that she's got beef with the Black Knight, because he stole her flower garden. Seeing a mutual enemy, they considered recruiting her into the Bognin Ballers (much to Alex Jones' dismay, as he wanted to kill her for being a magic user) and explained that they were hunting down the Black Knight Gang for a multitude of different reasons. Considering the offer as beneficial to her, she agreed, introducing herself as Sakura, and brought Mr. J with her. They returned to the main camp, where the rest of the Bognin Ballers were waking up. Ray and Jamel were furious upon hearing that the very witch that cursed them was now apart of their mercenary group, furthermore, she wasn't even apologetic and couldn't lift their curse, since she didn't have the necessary materials to do it, even if she wanted to. Jamel lamented that his nightmares wouldn't end, which confused Sakura who thought she gave him a curse that gave him bass boosted visions of the future at really inconvenient times that have narrations explaining obvious occurrences. Jamel then revealed that his visions were often of a great calamity that brings about an "era of assholes" as he called it, although in recent days he's been having occasional visions of a war in the northern country of Double Dinky, between its military force and the Black Knight Gang. Deeming this nightmare vision worthy of investigation, the party set off for Double Dinky. After a safe journey, the reached the border, where they were immediately thrusted into a snowball fight by some kids from the northern country. Billiot the Idiot, Bryeek, Iron Juan, Kirin, and Sakura retaliated and obliterated the group of Double Dinky kids at their own game before proceeding onwards into the country.
====Chapter 9.5: Monster Castle ====
Long before meeting the Bognin Ballers, Sakura had an ongoing prank war with her witch neighbour in a nearby castle, but her adversary crossed the line, when she stole her glower garden. Sakura went to her neighbour's castle and froze her garden in response, only for the witch to turn her castle into a living monster that ate her. Sakura covered herself in grease to not get chewed up, and fell into the stomach, where she met a mailman who was also stuck and had a jar of peanut butter. He was jealous she was covered in grease, so she told him to study wizardry at Tarando university. She helped him get out by making him able to climb up walls and told him to get help and after an hour a goblin came down on some rope telling her to grab her hand, but she trapped him in the rope direction, before getting digested further into the stomach. She was in a wooden room with acid seeping through the walls, so she froze it, causing the walls to break and burst behind the frozen acid, resulting in the castle exploding in pain and collapsing on the floor. Her neighbouring witch, Prunus got up and berated Sakura from the roof of the castle for destroying it. Sakura grabbed her by the collar with a rope in hand and sent her into the rope dimension, only to quickly realise the witch was a goblin in disguise and that there was a rope by her feet transporting her into the rope dimension. There she met with the Rope Monkey who explained that there she'd been duped. Sakura was disheartened that she wasn't the true rope witch, but the Rope Monkey reassured her, saying that the rope witch was inside her all along, by reaching inside her stomach and pulling out a rope witch doll. Morbius played by Jared Leto was also there. The rope dimension is like the hyperbolic time chamber in Dragon Ball, so Sakura and Morbius spent year learning how to tie a dimensional breaking knot with rope that allowed them to escape the rope dimension. Prunus was shocked to see them, before getting kicked half to death by Morbius, then being sent to the rope dimension by Sakura.
===Volume 2: Double Dinky===
====Chapter 10: Dilemma at Pop World====
Continuing forward into Double Dinky, the Bognin Ballers found that the dramatic decrease in temperature too much to handle, so they went to the nearest clothing store to get Winter gear. There they met a half-orc called the Meg, who wanted revenge on the Black Knight for throwing a fridge on her head and calling her a fridge-head, while she was at school. At the winter store, they saw a flier for a club called Pop World that was doing deals on drinks in Quango, so they headed there, hoping to also get information about the supposed war that was about to start in Double Dinky. Pop World wasn't open yet, so Billiot, Bryeek, Sakura, and the Meg went to the Blacksmiths, where they met Austin Powers, who was telling an old lady asking for spare coal that he has "lost his mojo and his coal, baby!" He revealed that the storm was magic and Double Dinky wasn't normally that bad. Sakura asked for a suit of armour, but Powers only had his phallic armour that responded to his mojo, which she didn't want. She then asked for a hammer, but didn't have a license, so she took a test: she passed her theory and failed her practical, so she needed to book another one at a later time. Next, they went to the circus, where they saw Plin Plon again, who was having her newest animal addition, Paaadington, perform an act to get his hammer license. Paaadington had three hats on, so Billiot the Idiot instantly went back to the winter clothing store and got another hat and gave it to the bear - call that shit Paaaadington. Paaaadington passed his test and got his license that Austin Powers officiated; to celebrate, everyone went to Pop World as soon as it opened and partied, until Austin Powers showed up and started beating the security team, because they'd banned him. Suddenly, a man shouted that The Government, was at the door, so everyone looked in shock and the music stopped, but it was just a guy called The Government telling everyone that some knights had come with blankets and coal, so everyone rushed out to get some. Billiot, Bryeek, Sakura, and the Meg went out to find the people of Quango crowding around some knights handing out blankets and coal, so Sakura "freeze rayed" her way to the front of the crowd and took a blanket and piece of coal from a knight. An old man dressed like a 15-year-old shouted out, "the supplies are nowhere near sufficient enough and you're just trying to save face to other countries while denying the existence of the Umbra Ignis Stone that has clearly been proven to exist!" A knight denied the existence of the stone, which caused an uproar among the crowd and Sakura froze that knight for no reason too, which caused the knights to get hostile. Sakura began freeze raying them all, until a large knight walked up and counter-freeze rayed her. The four Bognin Ballers were under attack by a group of knights, but fortunately, Austin Powers was near by and ready to help, baby; in his penis armour, he started judo chopping all the knights in a glorious display, leaving the party with just eight knights to fight. Bryeek punched Sakura, freeing her from the ice and smashing her into a knight, so hard his head came off. The fight was intense and the four took considerable damage, but were able to kill the majority of the knights. Billiot the Idiot tried slashing at the general, but his blade bounced off, due to his own weakness, causing him to get grabbed and thrown into Bryeek who managed to catch him, before sharing a passionate kiss with him. Retaliating, Billiot the Idiot tried to shoot him down with his bow and arrow, managing to pierce through his helmet and hit him between the eyes. Somehow it wasn't lethal and the knight stood there with an arrow in his head; he took it off to reveal his hardened ice skin. His name was Mr. Freeze and he said, "Ice to meet you!", before running off, seeing his knights had been defeated by just five people, bellowing, "stay cool!" as a final message. Billiot questioned if what they did was the right thing to do, since all the knights were doing was providing warmth to these people, but Bryeek and Sakura retorted that AKAB (All Knights Are Bad) was alive and well. Quango gave the Bognin Ballers a place to stay for the knight, since they hated the knights and still got the blankets and coal from them anyway. In the morning, they discovered that a bounty had been placed on Billiot, Bryeek, Sakura, the Meg, and Austin Powers' heads by the Double Dinky authorities - much to Bo Jangles' dismay for wanting a clean slate in a new country. Austin Powers agreed to help them get to the king's castle (now that "the last straw had been drawn at Pop World"), so that they could ask about this Umbra Ignis Stone and whether the king was actually causing the storm. On their way there, they were stopped by a man with glasses who asked if they were the Bognin Ballers. Sakura freeze rayed him, as he was taking something out of his jacket pocket, only to find out it was a letter. It was from the leader of the resistance, who was also a charity worker for orphan kids. It detailed how he wanted to get the Bognin Ballers' help in taking down the monarchy and using the Umbra Ignis Stone to finally rid their country of this cruel storm, so they unfroze the messenger, who was one half of the brothers Grimsby, and let him lead them back to their resistance camp.
====Chapter 11: Real Steel====
Nobby led the Bognin Ballers to the resistance camp, where the other half of the Brothers Grimsby is, Sebastian Graves. Graves welcomes the Bognin Ballers and shows the wanted posters for Billiot, Bryeek, Sakura, The Meg, and Austin Powers, telling them that he appreciates that they’re “sticking it to the man” for hiding the truth from non-magic users. Graves tells the party that he wants to join forces and get the Umbra Ignis Stone to stop the storm; they agree and stay the night at the camp. In the morning Nobby offers them dog milk jugs, which Sakura downed, then asked them to go meet with the weapons dealer to get a supplier for them, so that they don't have to use their condom weapons anymore. Billiot, Bryeek, and Sakura went to the Pop World in Rondor, where the weapons dealer supposedly would be, but were instantly taken aback by a fire genasi woman dancing in the middle of the room. She was praised as the saviour of Double Dinky, saving the people from the snow storm and also fending off bandits that were attempting to raid villages, furthermore, she told the people about the Umbra Ignis Stone. Sakura interrogated her about where she found the stone and how she knew about it, but it turned out she was a scholar who saw the stone while visiting the castle. Next, they investigated the whereabouts of the weapons dealer, where they met Charlie Kenton, a man selling real steel. They asked him about supplying the Brothers Grimsby, but before they could get a proper answer, Fat Bastard showed up and started berating Kenton for not giving him the real steel, but it turned out Fat Bastard hadn't even been paying for it. A group of Fat Bastard's dwarves he referred to as his mini-mes stormed in and began attacking the patrons of Pop World, so the fire genasi woman, Felicity Shagwell, Charlie Kenton, and Sakura started attacking the mini-mes, so that they wouldn't get eaten to power up Fat Bastard, while Billiot Danger Powers repeatedly judo chopped him. Bryeek shoved his pike up Fat Bastard's ass, covering it in poop and summoning his rage, where he jammed the pike into his stomach, triggering his germaphobia. Eventually they knocked Fat Bastard out and killed all his minions, but before striking the final blow, Billiot chose not to take his life, seeing that he could be a valuable asset to the Bognin Ballers; Sakura argued against him and they got into a huge debate about whether they could trust him. To prove a point, Bryeek went over to Fat Bastard and pulled his face off, thinking it was a mask, only to expose his meaty flesh, so Sakura used burning hands to turn into Ghost Rider, killing him. They left and bid farewell to Felicity Shagwell, but they noticed that after they got a certain distance away, she started suspiciously slinking into an alleyway, so Billiot and Bryeek investigated. They saw her enter a space with a wizard and put on a name tag that said "Bard" on it. Further in was a sorcerer, who asked them how things were going. Shagwell explained that, “the people believe the Umbra Ignis Stone is real and the resistance is preparing to storm the castle as we speak.” The wizard then spoke up, “my blizzard won’t be letting up anytime soon either. We just have to wait until Double Dinky destroys itself.” The sorcerer nodded at them both and told them, “the Black Knight will be pleased to hear this.” Billiot, still undetected began loading his bow, but they took out stones with runes on them and teleported away, resulting in his shot missing. They reported back to Sakura and Kenton, who thought it would be wise to try convince the Brothers Grimsby not to storm the castle, but when they got back to the camp, they didn't believe what they said and assumed that they were government spies all along, so they kicked them out. Wanting to stop the Black Knight Gang, they decided that the only thing they could do now was try to warn the king about what they had learned.
====Chapter 12: Grimsby Brothers vs. Royal Army! The Battle will be in Dr. Evil's Secret Lair!====
The following morning, after preparations, Austin Powers continued to lead the Bognin Ballers to Dr. Evil's Secret Lair, hoping to get there before the Grimsby Brothers, but they were suddenly stopped within the forests just before it by two familiar faces: Kallian McCain, the ranger of the Black Knight Gang and the man who killed Elred Cockamamie-Jones, and next to him, Xi Men, the mad druid from the Himalayas and Hua Men's brother. McCain threatened to kill all of the Bognin Ballers to get to the remaining members of the Adverse Occult, but they were prepared to take that risk, until Bo Jangles whispered to Billiot, Sakura, and Bryeek, telling them that they didn't have the time to spend fighting them both, so they should choose to leave some units there to fight them, while the rest rush to Dr. Evil's secret lair. Despite not truly wanting to leave anyone behind, they knew it was for the best, so Hong Kong Phooey stayed, wanting revenge for his fallen friend, Elred, with Alex Jones, who didn't want to run away anymore. Alongside them were, Gregory Smith the Colour Blind Ghost, Phil Mitchell, Joey Essex, and Austin Powers. The rest of the Bognin Ballers rushed around them finding, to their horror, that the Brothers Grimsby had already gotten there, so they rush up the stairs to the streets, where they saw Mr. Freeze's battalion about to clash with Nobby's. Opposite them were Felicity Shagwell, the wizard they found with her, and a new tiefling lady. Seeing their fierce glares, Shagwell deduced that they probably knew that they're members of the Black Knight Gang now, disappointing her peers for not making sure she wasn't followed during her meeting with the sorcerer. Declaring that she'd deal with them, the tiefling woman sent her allies up a tier in the city and prepared herself for battle. The Bognin Ballers split into three groups all with a different objective: Sakura, Jamel, Ray, The Meg, Mr. J, and Bo Jangles all headed west to try stop Mr. Freeze; Bryeek, Kirin, M.A.R.G.E., Notis, Charlie Kenton, and his real steel, atom, headed south to stop Nobby, while the rest hung back to support the other two groups. Despite trying to appear neutral in the fight, the two battalions rushed forward and attacked both the Bognin Ballers and the opposing side. The Bognin Ballers were forced to fight back and instead of trying to reason with Mr. Freeze and Nobby, they resolved to eliminate both sides. The bloody battle began and the reality of the fight sunk in as Hua Men was killed by a random soldier of the royal army. The Bognin Ballers slowly made their way southwards towards the tiefling woman, while Sakura and Jamel fought Mr. Freeze, and Bryeek and Kenton's atom fought Nobby. M.A.R.G.E. and Kirin were able to cleanly clear the path with their strength and magic respectively, while King Octopus was able to blind some of the combatants on the opposing sides with his ink, but Jamel was killed after getting surrounded while trying to help Sakura. Notis was also nearly killed multiple times by a royal soldier who flanked them both, if not for the help of Tev Twelve, fortunately Kirin and King Octopus killed the soldier. Sakura started tactically retreating away from Mr. Freeze, but a random Grimsby Brother landed the finishing blow, stealing her thunder, but she left him alone, so that she could help the rest of the Bognin Ballers get to the tiefling woman, however that same guy killed Ray, after Poetry Pete accidentally hit him, and later Tev Twelve, after Pete punched him in the face from shock. Kirin finished the Grimsby Brother, leaving only a few more left, so Sakura killed the remaining squabbling units, letting Bryeek, Kenton's atom, and Billiot the Idiot get to the tiefling, Rohiri, the warlock of the Black Knight Gang. She was able to dodge the physical attacks from Bryeek and Kenton's atom, but was hit by an arrow from Billiot, so she retorted with a hellish rebuke, surrounding him in hellish flames that he blew him up, much to Sakura's shock. Sakura ran at her with her warhammer and hit Rohiri's stomach, prompting her to send a hellish rebuke back, while saying, "warhammer? I barely even know her!" Putting her in critical condition. Mr. J punched Rohiri in the face to get revenge, while the others tried to help Sakura. Barely surviving, Rohiri took out a stone with a rune on it and teleported away. Bo Jangles and The Meg went back down to help Hong Kong Phooey, Alex Jones, Gregory Smith the Colour Blind Ghost, Phil Mitchell, Joey Essex, and Austin Powers, while the rest of the Bognin Ballers headed up a tier, seeing that more combatants were flooding the streets to fight each other. Mr. J carried his old friend in his arms only to notice when they got to the top that Sakura had died with a letter in her hand that she was weakly writing with the last of her strength. Suddenly, a rope appeared and a witch flew out of it, shocking everyone. Cackling that her captor had finally died and that she was now free. Bryeek convinced her that she should help them, telling her that she'd be indebted to them for killing Sakura, which she agreed to do. On the second tier of Dr. Evil's secret lair, Sebastian Graves' forces were fighting against Number 2's battalion, while the bard and the wizard watched from a distance, noticing that the Bognin Ballers had managed to defeat Rohiri, Shagwell sent the wizard up the next tier to "finish the job", while she fended them off. The party headed south, avoiding the skirmishes between the two battalions, until Number 2 and Sebastian Graves started heading to the middle after killing some grunts they were fighting. Number 2 nearly killed Billiot the Idiot by shooting him with a light crossbow, but M.A.R.G.E. and Kirin stepped in front to protect him from any further damage. Bryeek tried to reason with him, saying that they were trying to help them, but Number 2 stated that they just killed his son, Mr. Freeze only moments ago, leading to a fight between the two. The rest of the Bognin Ballers cautiously fought with Felicity Shagwell, taking notice of how strong Rohiri was, only to then be attacked by Sebastian Graves, who was trying to save her. King Octopus and the witch killed Sebastian Graves, which Bryeek used to explain to Number 2 that they were on the same side. They then worked together to defeat Shagwell, who teleported away in a similar fashion to Rohiri. Disappointed, yet still aware of the urgency, they all rushed up to the third tier, where they saw that, amidst the fighting, the wizard, Boreas, had frozen Frau and Mini-Me and was approaching Dr. Evil. Boreas explained whoever won this war was irrelevant, as killing Dr. Evil was the only event that would have a widespread effect, but as he prepared his attack, Number 2 came up from behind and punched him in the face, causing everyone to notice an odd pause in the snowstorm. It became apparent to the Bognin Ballers that he was truly controlling the storm, so Bryeek and Kenton's atom flanked from the other side and started attacking, causing Boreas to become disorientated, while Mr. J walked up to him and punched him with a vengeful fist. Boreas tried to take out his stone, but Mini-Me snatched it off of him, as Dr. Evil used the distraction to unfreeze him and Frau. Dr. Evil then cast zone of truth around Boreas and Bryeek started by asking why they started this entire war, causing him to unwillingly tell them that he believes the magic civil war as a whole is an unavoidable event in time that can't be steered away from, as such, he follows the Black Knight to usher in the new age, where magic users are free, stating that the fall of Double Dinky was a necessary sacrifice to expose the barbarity of non-magic users. Billiot the Idiot called the plan a crock of shit, arguing that not all non-magic users were evil, but Boreas argued that too many of them are and opened up about the massacre of his people at the hands of humans. There was a moment of pause amongst the Bognin Ballers, noting their sympathies for the man, but Mr. J grabbed him and grunted out, "where is the Black Knight?!" Boreas' mouth was contorting, trying to hold back the answer, but the word "Yuchanea" escaped his mouth and he collapsed onto the ground, truly defeated. Bryeek asked a final question, wanting to know how to stop the snow storm, without killing Boreas, but he assured them that they'd have to kill him to stop it, so Mr. J punched his head off without mercy. The Grimsby Brothers on the third tier saw everything go down and had ascertained the truth, so they spread the word that the Umbra Ignis Stone wasn't real and the war stopped, although the casualties were innumerable. Bryeek, being illiterate, asked Dr. Evil to read the letter Sakura wrote, and he explained that it was addressed to her brother, Crann the Avenger, he then said that he'd have it sent for them, alongside an urgent call to all of the members of the Lord's Alliance for a meeting.
====Chapter 13: Deadpool====
The Druid and the Ranger effortlessly killed Gregory Smith the Colour Blind Ghost, Phil Mitchell, and Joey Essex and had wounded Alex Jones, Hong Kong Phooey, and Austin Powers. The Ranger called Alex Jones "anti-future", prompting him to go on a massive rant, where he called out the Black Knight Gang for all their crimes like starting war in Double Dinky, but McCain shot him in the face with a flame arrow to shut him, enraging Austin Powers and Hong Kong Phooey. The final four combatants were locked in combat and McCain managed to land a finishing blow on Powers, while Xi Men pushed Hong Kong Phooey to the ropes. Attempting to finish him off with one final devastating blow, the Druid unleashed an thunderous bolt at the dog only for Bo Jangles to rush in and save his friend's life in a nick of time. The Meg joined the fray alongside him, but realised they were too late, as she managed to cut away at Kallian McCain. Xi Men managed to knock her out with a kick and made sure his ally was okay, but before he could return to finishing off the Bognin Ballers, they were teleported mid-sentence.
==== Chapter 14: Ruins and Holes in the Walls ====
Bryeek and Billiot the Idiot awoke in a hospital room, bandaged up from their injuries. In the same room were Hong Kong Phooey and the Meg - still unconscious from their fight with the Druid and the Ranger. The two of them mustered the strength to get up and put on some of their regular clothing and as they finished, a nurse came in and said, "ayo, Mr. White!" - it was Jesse Pinkman, an old student of Bryeek's from back in Durham. They caught up for a bit and Billiot was just completely surprised at the fact he never knew Bryeek's last name and that he used to be a teacher. Jesse got to the point of his intrusion and told the pair that Dr. Evil wanted to speak with them and that they should meet with him at the monument outside the castle. They headed over and saw a massive black marble plaque with a list of names on it, many of which were familiar to them: Alex Jones, Austin Powers, Bo Jangles, Dawn Grobham, Gregory Smith the Colour Blind Ghost, Hua Men, Jamel, Joey Essex, Kyle Alan "Nobby" Butcher, Mr. Freeze, Phil Mitchell, Poison Ivy, Ray, Sakura, Sebastian Graves, and Tev Twelve, among many other fallen soldiers from both sides of the conflict. When the two Bognin Ballers were paying their respects, they noticed another man nearby looking at the name 'Sakura'. It was her brother Crann the Avenger, who explained to them that he wished to join their cause to stop the Black Knight Gang after reading his sister's letter about them. They agreed to let him and join and after a while, Dr. Evil appeared before them. He explained that they'd been asleep for a week and since then the Lord's Alliance have agreed to have a meeting in Adron, the neighbouring country, and he would like the Bognin Ballers to escort him there, so that his army could stay and help repair the capital city and assist in relief efforts now that the magic snowstorm has been lifted. Crann replied, "totes magotes", and Billiot followed up with, "pop a squiznot", so Dr. Evil replied, "riiiiight." They made preparations to leave and set off three days later when Hong Kong Phooey and the Meg woke up. On their second day of travel, they were walking around a mountain, but Billiot needed to tie his shoelace, so he ran forward about 3 meters and started tying them, hoping to finish by the time everyone else caught up with him, but he suddenly fell down a hole, so Bryeek, Crann, and Jesse went over to investigate, but ended up pushing one another in. Dr. Evil said to the crowd, "they will be missed," and continued walking with the Bognin Ballers. The hole they were in was dark and Crann attempted to make a fire, but didn't have the resources to do anything, so Jesse asked Mr. White if he could make a torch or something, so he took out his tinder box and tried to teach Jesse what elements were at work in this reaction, but he didn't quite catch on. Without a way back up, they continued through into the cave they were in, where they saw a path left, right, and forward, so Crann suggested they go right (and later left), "Arabic style," causing Bryeek to announced, "Arabs don't exist in this world, dude," which everyone laughed at him for, before walking right. It was a long straight path and they got in quite deep without any signs of an end, until a skeleton appeared behind them and announced, "BRING ON THE WALL!!!" Suddenly, a wall appeared behind them and was rapidly approaching, fortunately, it had four holes in it that were shaped like the four Bognin Ballers. Billiot the Idiot and Jesse Pinkman were able to fit through the wall, but Crann and Mr. White were taken back by the wall into a pit of spikes. They were able to get back out and continue exploring, but the Anton du Beke skeleton was gone. They went through the middle path and were met with another crossroads, so they went right, "Arabic style" again and the Anton du Beke skeleton was there again; this time everyone besides Jesse got through the wall, but they also found out that there was a hole in the wall beyond the spike pit, so they investigated it and found a serene pond with a fairy chilling inside it, beckoning them to join him. Billiot was suspicious of the fairy, but the others jumped in, Crann tip-toed in and covered his nipples with two fingers, while submerging himself, because they're sensitive. Billiot dipped his hair in and then the fairy went, "hahahaha!!! TAR!!!!" and the pool turned to tar, so they all jumped out, but Jesse was stuck, so Mr. White rushed to him and pulled him out, but he turned into tar before his very eyes saying, "Mr. White, I don't feel so good." With sorrow in their hearts and tears in their eyes, they left the tar pond and returned to the crossroads, where they went down the "forward" path, only to find a large rapid tar river, as well as a bridge suspended in the air to the left, so they went back in. Bryeek suggested they go to the "second to last left turn", which meant the first left turn, where they found a strange room with unidentifiable symbols and writings, as well as a drawing of a giant black spider. They didn't pay it any mind and continued walking, until Crann saw that the flooring had an abrupt wooden area that he didn't warn the others about and they ended up walked over, causing them to fall down a hole in the floor with more spikes. They pressed on and found a decline down to their left and and incline up to their right, so Crann said, "uuuuummm. One inclines please!" At the top they found the rickety bridge from earlier and decided to try pass it. Bryeek and Billiot the Idiot made it quite a ways way perfectly fine, but when Crann got on he started shaking the bridge for a laugh, which was pissing the other two off and, despite his companions' warning, he continued and the bridge flipped; fortunately, they were all strong enough to hold on and they all monkey-barred their way across. Bryeek and Billiot the Idiot gave him a scolding and they all continued down the path, where they found a large open space with moss and weeds growing all over the place, but, most off-putting, were the amount of webs everywhere. Suddenly, a giant spider slammed down from above them and screeched, then they saw a web cocoon wriggling about and they heard a muffled, "ayo, Mr. White, get me the hell outta here!!!" After what happened at the fairy pond, they were questioning whether it was the real Jesse, so they asked him to say something only the real Jesse Pinkman would say, so he said, "ayo, Mr. White!!!", which sufficiently convinced them. They battled the spider and Crann opened with a thunderwave that knocked everyone back. The spider did some immense damage to the Bognin Ballers, but they were able to overcome it and kill it, revealing an exit to the cave behind it. Bryeek climbed up the mossy walls and cut Jesse out of the web cocoon, where he dropped down into Crann's big manly hands. The four of them left the cave and reunited with the other Bognin Ballers, who had a very uneventful walk around the mountain. After another week, they had finally reached Adron. 
=== Volume 3: Adron ===
==== Chapter 15: Vampire Sanctuary ====
At the end of a full day of travel, the Bognin Ballers decided to stay in Leeds, a quiet city with a large castle in the distance beyond a forest. Billiot the Idiot, Bryeek, and Crann the Avenger went to the local farm shop and bought nearly everyone a moo can (the only party members who didn't receive one were themselves, Kirin, M.A.R.G.E.) with Sakura's leftover money. Crann then used his funds to buy all 5kg worth of cheese wheels to sell them at a higher price (originally, they were GP 2 each), because of a "cheese shortage". An old lady walked in for her daily cheese and was about to buy a 1kg cheese wheel, but there were none in stock, so Crann attempted to sell her one for GP 3, but his negotiations fell through and the old hag ran away. Billiot and Crann pursued her, but they were stopped by a knight, who slashed at Crann after her refused to leave the old lady, prompting him to retaliate with a flame sword that burned the knight, but to avoid any repercussions, Bryeek convinced him that none of it ever happened and that he was delusional, so he took his helmet off and went home to rethink his career. Ultimately, they lost the old lady, so they went to the inn and tried to sell their wares to the keeper, who had big dumbo ears. He agreed to buy three wheels, but also asked them to investigate whether the local cheese vendor was working with the vampires at the castle over the hill or not. The Dumbo Ears Guy explained that, after the suicide of King Xander's friend, Stewart Azazel, he commissioned the construction of a vampire sanctuary, so that they could stay live in peace, but their presence has been unnerving for the locals of Leeds for over a century. Seeing this as an opportunity to sell more of their wares, instead of listening to this vampire racist, they went to Charlie Kenton and asked for a little bit of his blood for the cheese wheel. He reluctantly agreed after being guilted into it for taking a moo can, so he put out his thumb, but Bryeek grabbed it and slit his wrist over one of the cheese wheels, before Crann used his magic to heal his wounds. The four of them and Jesse Pinkman travelled up to the hill, while Billiot cut the cheese wheel into fifths, so that they could wear it as hats; Mr. White berated Jesse for wearing their "product as a hat", before doing it himself. Upon arrival at the castle, they knocked on the door and were greeted by Venom!!! Just kidding. It was Dr. Michael Morbius, who was quickly shoved out of the way by a more flamboyant, "blah, blah, blah" vampire, who asked what they wanted in a polite manner. They said that they were a new cheese company called Honest Cheese and they wanted to know if the vampires were interested in their bloody cheese. The vampire, Voult, wasn't convinced of their product's quality, so Crann got an arrow and stabbed a perfect cube off to let him sample. It was delicious. He requested to by 2 kg worth of blood cheese, but they only had one. They asked Kenton for more of his blood, but he refused, threw down his hat, and left the Bognin Ballers with his robot, Atom. Bryeek quickly offered his own blood and extended his thumb, so Billiot took it and sliced his wrist open, while Crann dunked his head under the stream to lather his cheese hat in blood, while Pinkman soaked the other cheese hats in the blood. Crann then healed Bryeek's wound and sold both cheese wheels for GP 10, but they suddenly heard a rumbling outside. The Dumbo Ears Guy had gathered several vampire haters and got their pitchforks together for an assault; seeing another business opportunity to get the three cheese wheels they sold to the racist back and resell them to the vampires, Crann told Voult that they'd handle it. As the Bognin Ballers stepped out, the Dumbo Ears Guy instantly gathered that they had started selling cheese to the vampires, so he extended his ears and became airborne. Bryeek instantly shot him in the chest, so he started diving down toward them like a torpedo, but he missed completely, so they all started kicking his butt, while he was stuck in the ground. The Dumbo Ears Guy pulled his head and ran away past the other anti-vampire lot, who realised that their leader was a loser, so being racist towards vampires was probably cringe. They apologised to the vampires and went home, so the party went into the forest to find the Dumbo Ears Guy. He was sat by a tree crying, so Billiot started called his hat stupid (purposefully not calling them ears), while Crann stole all of his cheese. After successfully plundering the racist's spoils, he revealed himself and spread the cheese wheels across his fingers like playing cards, so the Dumbo Ears Guy spread his ears again, while crying, and said, "I'LL BE BACK, HONEST CHEESE!!!". The party were about to head back to the castle, but one of the former anti-vampire members ran up to them and told them they were about to lynch the local cheese vendor for corroborating with the vampires, so they all rushed down and saw him tied to a pole over a fire. Bryeek cleared the area, then blew out the fire with a big hearty blow. The crowd thought he was a vampire too, but he explained that it was just because he was in the navy. This was a sufficient answer, but they still wanted to kill him and the vampires. Bryeek tried to organise a vampire and Leeds meetup, but the latter had no desire to reconcile with them. The vampires started peacefully protesting for their rights, but the racists were getting violent, so Billiot charged into the middle of both sides and split a cheese wheel in half and gave it to either side, ending racism through a shared love of cheese. After a joyous celebration of cheese and inclusiveness, the Bognin Ballers continued their journey to the capital city, where they met a woman called Mono Styrene who saw what had happened in Leeds and requested to buy the Honest Cheese name off of them for GP 30. Billiot, Bryeek, and Crann didn't think that was at all enough, especially considering that they made more than that in just one day of working, but Crann whispered to them that they don't have anymore supply, so the company was basically worthless, and she'd be purchasing an empty name. Billiot thought the logic was flawed and tried to convince Mono Styrene to pay them GP 70, but she only went as high as GP 45, before Crann stupidly said she could buy it for GP 30. They shook hands on the deal and watched her walk off with a backpack full of cheese wheels. 
====Chapter 16: Greene King====
Still on their way to the capital city, the Bognin Ballers decided to stop at a small town and stay the night at a pub that was apart of a chain called Greene King. The Meg, Bryeek, and Billiot the Idiot stayed up at the bar, while everyone else went to the rooms upstairs to sleep. Bryeek wanted a double decker burger, but it was GP 6, which he considered far too expensive and complained to their waiter, Welter, about it. The three members of the party chilled and talked for a while until the waiter came back after a while saying that they can have an audience with the Greene King himself in the next town over, so the next morning, they woke up and travelled there, making the rest of the Bognin Ballers chill out in the city, while they (with the additions of Poetry Pete and Mr. J) went to the Greene King castle. A moat around the castle stopped them from easily walking in, so Bryeek told a knight on their side of the moat that they wanted to get in, so he asked for their customer reference, so he said, "listen here, we didn't get any sort of customer reference number, but I complained about the prices of the burgers in... the town previous to this one and was promised an audience with the Greene King", which was the correct answer, so the bridge was lowered and they walked in, where they found a green tower in the centre where the Greene King seemed to be staying. Bryeek instantly barged in and started stomping up the stairs, while Billiot the Idiot started trying to climb up the side of it - ineffectively. The Meg knocked on the door and noticed a tin can attached to a piece of string beside it that was emitting a little bit of noise, so she put it to her ear and found that the Greene King was on the other end. She requested to come up and he complied. While Bryeek was walking up the stairs, he noticed a painting on a bit of elevated wall was wobbling, so he pulled it back and saw a young boy in a white dressing gown, which he called his kimono. He was a nameless orphan boy who really liked the stories about Jackurai Sam and told Bryeek that he needed to stop the Greene King because he was lacing his burgers with some kind of "mind control powder". The child and Bryeek formed an alliance to kill the Greene King together then they did a group cheer when The Meg, Mr. J, and Poetry Pete caught up and Billiot the Idiot was pulled in from the window. They got to the top of the tower and confronted the Greene King who was there with his Greene Queen, who was eyeing up and coyly waving at Billiot, as they had previously been in a relationship. Bryeek announced that he had a complaint, so the Greene King told him to the complaints/bin box, but without any paper, he pretended to write on his hand and slot it in, triggering the King who charged over and lifted the box to find the complaint. Instantly, Bryeek whacked him over the head, Billiot punched him in the gut, and the Meg lifted him in the air and smashed her knee into his back. The Greene King let out an unhinged looney tunes scream, before his collar was grabbed by Bryeek, who demanded to know why the prices for burgers were so high, so he broke into song, "money, money, money, it's all you need!!! Money, money, money, oh honey. My wife is so Greene and she makes me gleam with joy." The song continued for a while and impressed the party, but they still wanted the prices lowered. He relented the idea, but then his wife showed them a clause in their company contract that stated that whoever the Greene Queen was "shacked up with" gets a certain share in the company, ultimately meaning it was her decision to choose who the Greene King was. Billiot tried to swoon her, but his relationship with the nun with green hair put her off, as she wasn't into polygamy, so Poetry Pete used his loving rhymes to win her over. He took the Greene King's robe and was announced as the new Greene King. The old Greene King was thrown in the Greene cage within the Greene dungeons, where he instantly went into a manic state, vowing to get his revenge after he recovered from his injuries. The party celebrated the victory, but the power went to Poetry Pete's head and didn't lower the prices of the burgers for the general public, instead, the Bognin Ballers now had mate's rates, but he did demand that the "mind control powder" be taken out of the burgers and shelved (not destroyed). Poetry Pete then had to tell his Queen that his quest to stop the Black Knight was of utmost importance, but he trusted her ability to run the company and even insisted it be renamed to Greene Queen.
==== Chapter 17: Monkey Menace ====
After a rest, the party continued on their path to the capital city, where they came across a small town full of sad people. Bryeek went up to one of them and asked what was up and they explained that they were slowly being turned into monkeys and it was really lowering the morale here. Bryeek asked who was doing this, so the man pointed to the top of a clock tower, where a guy was standing next to a menacing machine. Crann announced that he was going to start a druid school to help the local people just turn back to normal instead of being a monkey through wild shape, but the man said, "he, he, he! That won't work, because my machine turns them mentally into monkeys over time too!" Afterwards, Crann was blasted by the monkey ray and grew a monkey tail in the process. Wasting no time, Bryeek ran to the clock tower and found a code lock on the door, so he asked the man in the tower what it was, but he refused to answer, so he asked a nearby man with monkey eyes what it was and he told him "6217" and it worked. Bryeek, Billiot the Idiot, and Crann raced their way up the stairs, until Billiot found a button the said, "do not press" on it, so he pressed it, thence releasing a cat onto Bryeek's head that started slapping him. He shook him off and the cat stood up and said, "gee, so that's how you treat tourists around here, huh?" It turned out that the cat just sort of lived in the clock tower's walls and was more than willing to help them stop the monkey guy, so they all raced up and asked what his deal, so he said, "I want to turn everyone into monkeys," with Bryeek immediately asking why, to which he answered, "because it's a funny bit." The three Bognin Ballers and the cat, Korin, all agreed that it was indeed a funny bit, but wasn't morally sound, so Bryeek asked him what he could do to get him to stop, so the villain, Yajirobe, asked for some soup. Bryeek slid down the hand rails on the stairs all the way down and asked the first, creepy monkey guy he could find for some hot soup and got it in exchange for the proposition of not being a monkey anymore. He then raced back up and gave it to Yajirobe, who started convulsing at the taste of the soup. After collapsing on the floor, a small monkey crawled out his ear and said, "and I would've gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you meddling kids!" Crann squashed it under his boot. Yajirobe was under the influence of the Monkey Menace and had no recollection of how the gun was operated and if there was any sort of cure, so they just all accepted that a year from now, Crann and the rest of this village were going to be permanently monkified.
In Loving Memory of her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II - RIP you crazy ass white girl ♥
==== Chapter 18: Borrorish Food Tournament ====
After their distant travels, the Bognin Ballers finally made it to the capital city of Adron, Wolvesley. They dropped Dr. Evil off at a prestigious hotel all the lords were staying and he rewarded them with "1 billion dollars", but it was actually just GP 30. Having learned that the Black Knight Gang hideout was in Yuchanea, the Bognin Ballers discussed going there next, but their group needed rest first, fortunately, a festival was going on, so they decided to investigate to see if they could join in on the festivities. Bryeek asked an old man what was going on and he explained that it was the Borrorish Food Tournament - "100 years ago, the legendary hero chef, Borrorish started a festive tradition, wherein a new highly contested location for a food shop could be won by having a representative compete for them in a one-on-one bout tournament wherein the winner of the tournament would acquire the deed to said location, thence allowing smaller, yet still eligible, businesses an opportunity to acquire good locations." Seeing a business opportunity, Billiot and Bryeek decided to enter with the two food businesses already associated with the Bognin Ballers, Greene King and Beneke Dairies, respectively. Surprisingly, Kirin also decided to join in, as a fighter, but needed to find a company to represent. He found a sweaty, bald, old man with a Tupperware container full of mouldy green noodles, who had seemingly always dreamed of being a chef. Kirin tried some of the noodles and said it tasted fine, but it was likely incredibly poisonous - Kirin just seemed to have something wrong with his stomach or liver that made him immune to it. The tournament soon began and the tournament bracket was released: the first match was between Pop World and Just Eat, with the former nabbing the victory; second was Adron Barbers, represented by Kirin, versus Pizza, but on Lazy Susans, represented by Siu Son. Kirin focussed on dodging and spammed poison spray throughout the entire match, causing his opponent to eventually collapse from exhaustion. In the B block, the Knight Nights, a dessert café, won the third match against the Hydration Station and Greggs beat out Poop Stuff in the fourth match. Moving to the C block, Honest Cheese defeated Wetherspoons in the fifth match and then Billiot the Idiot was up to fight against the Dumbo Ears Guy in the match between Greene King and GARLIC TIME. Dumbo Ears Guy wanted revenge against all of the Bognin Ballers and announced to Billiot that he was out to get revenge for his honour, but his nemesis didn't even remember who he was, angering the big eared fellow. Billiot immediately got some good hits in on the little man, but was surprised to find he could flap his ears to propel a large air cannon forward, so he shot one of his ears off and knocked him unconscious, advancing to the next round. In the D block, Bryeek White faced off against Mike Ehrmantraut, who was representing Los Pollos Hermanos. The two already had beef from their time in Durham together and it seemed as if Bryeek had broke and fled some sort of business deal. The fight began and Mike immediately got the upper hand with his rope with nails in it and pocket sand, but Bryeek was able to uncover his position and pierce straight through him with his pike. Finally, Jobber Sweets went up against and lost to the reigning champs at Borrorish's Tacos. After a short break, the quarter finals began, starting with Pop World versus Adron Barbers. Pop World's representative was a robotic Fembot controlled by an artificer outside of the ring, but it couldn't hold a candle to Kirin's poison spray spam. In the B block, Knight Nights' representative dominated over the Greggs one and advanced to the semi-finals. On the opposite bracket, Honest Cheese had to face off against the Greene King. As Billiot and Poetry Pete approached the ring, the former said to the latter, "I'm gonna make Honest Cheese - Dishonoured Cheese." Poetry Pete liked that and wrote it down to put in a poem some time. On the other side of the ring, Mono Styrene was hyping up some woman in a hood, before she stepped into the ring. She unmasked and it was a warlock and the fight quickly began. Billiot swung with his great axe with devastating blows, couple with crossbow for point blank hits, but the magic of the warlock was formidable and he suffered many burns, fortunately, the tables were turned, when he did a fake out shot, causing her to dodge right into a critical arrow to the face that killed her. The final quarter-final match was between Bryeek and Carne Asada the undefeated champion of the Borrorish Food Tournaments, representing Borrorish's Tacos itself. Bryeek opened with regular great axe slashes and pike attacks, but greatly underestimated his opponent's strength, seeing that just one measly punch would send him flying into the corner of the ring. All he could figure were hit and run tactics, but his opponent's insane battle IQ seemed to allow his fist to hit his face, so he begged Beneke for some off-side assistance, but he was too busy picking his nose, fortunately, Korin handed him a senzu bean to eat when his health was dangerously low to restore him back to full strength, but even with it, the fierce blows of Carne Asada nearly brought an end to Bryeek, remarking, one final compliment to his foe, "you were an honourable warrior..." Until, Bryeek managed to finally dodge one of Asada's punches, allowing him to follow up with several critical blows to turn the tides in the final moments, with the entire crowd cheering the new victor's name. The semi-finals began and Kirin had to face off against the mysterious white paladin representing the Knight Nights café; echoing his previous matches, the elf opened by attempting to spam poison spray, but the paladin thrust his javelin forward and mortally wounded him in a single blow, ending the match in one move. Next, the two Bognin Ballers began butting heads on their side of the semi-finals. Bryeek and Billiot swung their steel in an intense match, but Bryeek was able to land more critical blows, forcing his ally to concede the match. The finals came and the audience watched in anticipation as the Paladin and the fighter entered the ring and stared each other down, saying no words, yet brandishing their steel. Bryeek swung his greatsword and clashed with his opponent's javelin in a crazed banging of metal. The halfling got several critical hits in, so the Paladin did away with his javelin and brought out his shield and shortsword and the two clashed again. The Paladin's sword shone bright with divine power, allowing it to slash with greater intensity, but Bryeek managed to grab it and have it thrown aside, forcing him to use his shield as a weapon. It proved deceptively effective and nearly killed the halfling, but Bryeek mustered up some final strength and critically slashed at the Paladin twice, and blasting off his armour, leaving him in nothing but his love heart tighty whitey's and his helmet. Ostensibly, Beneke Dairies won the tournament and the fanfare was great, as the organiser of the tournament handed Mr. Beneke the deed to the location. A joyous celebration was held immediately after and all the surviving combatants put aside their differences for the tournament was over. Siu Son approached Kirin during the celebration and asked to be taught the ways of his art, deeming him his first obstacle to overcome in terms of strength, so he joined the Bognin Ballers to follow his new master. 
==== Chappter 19: The Lords' Alliance ====
At the Lords’ Alliance meeting, Dr. Evil relayed the information about the location of the Black Knight Gang terrorist group, the Alliance were split in a disagreement. Dr. Evil pushed for the countries to band together and move into Yuchanea to scour it for traces of the Black Knight Gang and destroy them, but this was met with skepticism by the Yuchanean Empress, who didn’t want a large mass of armies occupying their country looking for a terrorist group that are known for being able to teleport great distances. The debate lasted hours with Dr. Evil trying to provide evidence on how the Black Knight Gang were able to do this. Leaders from countries heavily affected by the group’s terror attacks eagerly supported the call to arms, but others had reservations. Furthermore, the emperor of Visvara, suggested that the terrorist group were simply magic using supremacists and that laws about magic use should be put in place, which amassed support from other countries as well from both sides. Ultimately, King Xander attempted to mediate the situation by suggesting that maybe hiring the Bognin Ballers, a third party mercenary company consisting of people from several different countries could be a viable option, especially if each country had a trusted soldier in their ranks and if they were under strict authority from the local government. The Yuchanean Empress reluctantly agreed and the Bognin Ballers also agreed to the mission, but the authority they were under had them unable to properly search certain areas deemed as sacred grounds, or to stay in civilian towns for more than a night. Ultimately, their search was inconclusive and growing tensions between Double Dinky and Yuchanea grew, among other countries over the course of two years, exacerbated by further terror attacks from the Black Knight Gang. The Bognin Ballers had also essentially become trapped in Yuchanea, as leaving it would be considered abandonment of the mission by the Lord’s Alliance, which could possibly lead to other countries forcibly occupying the region, ultimately resulting in war. Over a 2-year-period, tensions in the Lords' Alliance grew exponentially and war seemed on the horizon.
==Characters==
*Billiot the Idiot Protagonist
*Bryeek Protagonist
* Elred Cockamamie-Jones Protagonist
*M.A.R.G.E. Ally
*Iron Juan Ally
*Emperor Foogles Ally
*Uboob Duncan III Ally
*King Octopus Ally
*Wold Lymes Villain
*Black Knight Villain
* Tassarion Dorvaris Villain
* Kirin Ally
*Plin Plon Ally
*King Neutral
*Bo Jangles Ally
*Hong Kong Phooey Ally
* Tog Twenty-Three Neutral
*Tev Thirteen Villain
*King Dedede Villain
*Tev Twelve Ally
*Hua Men Ally
* Daddy Neutral 
*Xi Men Villain
*Da Nunz Neutral
**Nun with green hair Ally
*Gregory Smith the Colour Blind Ghost Ally 
*Poetry Pete Ally
*Wensleydale Warriors Neutral
**Jeremy Neutral
**Lance Neutral
**Frederick Neutral 
**Jonathan Neutral
**Poo Neutral
*Davidisafrenchman Devils Neutral
**Steve Neutral
*Moortown Mutants Neutral
**Tentacle Tom Neutral
**Four-arm Phoebe Neutral
**Spanners Neutral
**Combustible Colin Neutral
**The Invisible Man Neutral
*My Team Neutral
**Rick Fish Neutral
**Pringles Man Neutral
**Prince Neutral
**Drone John Lennon Neutral
**Karl Pilkington, but with a unicycle for legs Neutral
* Poet laureate of Valm Neutral
*Gerrard Bognin Ally
*Alex Jones Ally
*Joey Essex Ally
*Phil Mitchell Ally
*Edna Mode-looking Fletcher Woman Neutral
*StreetFighterFanNo3 Neutral
*Ray Ally
*Kallian McCain Villain
*Jamel Ally
*Notis Ally
*Skeleton watching funny videos online Neutral
*Mr. J Ally
* Sakura Protagonist
*Prunus Villain 
*Mail Man with Peanut Butter Ally
*Rope Monkey Ally
*Morbius Ally
*The Meg Ally 
*Austin Powers Ally
*Paaaadington Neutral
*The Government Neutral
*Old Man dressed like a 15-year-old Ally
*Mr. Freeze Villain
* Kyle Alan "Nobby" Butcher Neutral 
*Sebastian Graves Neutral
*Felicity Shagwell Villain
*Charlie Kenton Ally
*Fat Bastard Villain
*Boreas Villain
*Poison Ivy Villain
*Dawn Grobham Villain
*Rohiri Villain
* Number 2 Ally
*Frau Farbissina Ally
*Mini-Me Ally
*Dr. Evil Ally
*Jesse Pinkman Ally
*Crann the Avenger Protagonist
*Skeleton Anton du Beke Villain 
*Gogogogogo Chobo Villain
*Ted Beneke Ally
*Dumbo Ears Guy Villain
*Voult the Vampire Ally
*Mono Styrene Villain
*Welter the Waiter Neutral
*Damian Wayne Ally
*Greene King Villain
*Greene Queen Villain
*Yajirobe Ally
*Korin Ally
*Monkey Menace Villain
*Adron Barbers' Cook Ally
*Siu Son Ally
*Mike Ehrmantraut Villain
*Pop World Fembot Villain
*Phenyl Villain
*Carne Asada Neutral
*Destan Villain
* King Xander Ally
==Gallery==
D&D6AnniversaryFinal.png|6th Year Anniversary Poster (Text)
D&D6Anniversary.png|6th Year Anniversary Poster (Textless)
Chapter13.1.png|Chapter 13 (1/12)
Chapter13.2.png|Chapter 13 (2/12)
Chapter13.3.png|Chapter 13 (3/12)
Chapter13.4.png|Chapter 13 (4/12)
Chapter13.5.png|Chapter 13 (5/12)
Chapter13.6.png|Chapter 13 (6/12)
Chapter13.7.png|Chapter 13 (7/12)
Chapter13.8.png|Chapter 13 (8/12)
Chapter13.9.png|Chapter 13 (9/12)
Chapter13.10.png|Chapter 13 (10/12)
Chapter13.11.png|Chapter 13 (11/12)
Chapter13.12.png|Chapter 13 (12/12)
==Trivia==
*Adongralo hosted the four year anniversary quest.
*Adongralo hosted the fifth Halloween spacktacular.
**The castle featured in the quest is the same one from Kingtangapolo's Chapter 3: Halloween 2019.
*** It also features a napkin owned by Xander and the burnt corpse of Vjesci.
*Adongralo hosted the fifth year anniversary quest.
*Volume 2: Double Dinky is heavily inspired by the Arabasta Arc in One Piece.
**Adongralo's Chapter 12 title is a parody of the One Piece anime's Episode 112 title, Rebel Army vs. Royal Army! The Battle will be in Alubarna!
**Adongarlo's Chapter 14 title is a parody of the One Piece anime's Episode 102 title, Ruins and Lost Ways! Vivi, Her Friends, and the Country's Form!
*The Borrorish Food Tournament concept was inspired by Kengan Ashura's Kengan Annihilation Tournament.
*Adongralo hosted the sixth year anniversary with an art piece.
*The campaign was dropped due to a lack of activity and a desire to drop the army system.
Category:The Wavis D&D Legend
Category:Adongralo
Category:Parts