Prim Autobiography

Prim Autobiography is the first episode of Season Three of A spin-off just for spin-off kings.
==Place==
This episode was third in the autobiography theme. (HIGH)
==Transcript==
[The episode begins with Primitive in his house.]
Primitive: What a great day to do absolutely nothing.
[He begins chugging some maple syrup. (Stereotypes are tight)]
French Narrator: Ah, welcome, viewer, to A spin-off just for spin-off kings Season Three.
[Primitive spits out his "drink".]
Primitive: AH, FUCK! I forgot I signed up for Spin-Off Kings.
French Narrator: Today's theme is 'autobiography', so we shall be going back in time to see our dear friend Mr. Sponge129's life.
Primitive: NO! THAT'S PRIVATE!
French Narrator: I don't think anybody here cares about your privacy, so without further adieu-
Primitive: can we at least do something like in The Life of CrazySponge where the backstory is fake or something please-
[He gets cut out by time travel effects on screen.]
Primitive: OH GOD OH FUCK
Birth
[We see a dumpster with a piece of tape saying "HOSPITAL" on it. A baby version of Primitive pops into existence and lands inside.]
French Narrator: Yeah, there's not a lot to say here.
Baby Primitive: Fuck you.
French Narrator: Even at a young age, he had a potty mouth.
Baby Primitive: ok now what
[A baby Hoopla Fish lands in the dumpster.]
Baby CrazySponge: how ya doing
Baby Primitive: I'm fine, thank you for asking.
Pre-School Days
[We see a slightly older Primitive walking down the street.]
Primitive: what a great day for some outdoor walking
[A light shines in the sky.]
Primitive: what the
Light: Hello my child
Primitive: jesus christ is that you
Light: No, he's at Golf's house. (Garfield's face emerges from the light.) I'm his substitute for today. The name's Garfield, kid.
Primitive: o
Garfield: I came here to divine you with holiness or something, because, uh, you worship Satan.
Primitive: no i don't, i go to luis' crib
Garfield: Same thing, honestly. Give me your hand.
Primitive: if there's anything satan has taught me, if a grown man wants me to give them my body parts, they're a pedophile
Garfield: Shit, he got us. Just give me your hand. If anyone's gonna rape you, it's Renaud.
Primitive: o
[Prim gives Garfield his hand.]
Primitive: huh, i think i'm a garfield fanatic now
Garfield: My work here is done.
[He disappears.]
Primitive: that was weird. welp time to praise garfield for the rest of my life
Golfpecks256: UNPRODUCTIVE!
[Golfpecks256 comes out and beats Primitive with a crowbar.]
Golfpecks256: That "Elmo" fellow is the embodiment of laziness, and being lazy is undoubtedly unproductive.
Primitive: does this count as child abuse
Golfpecks256: Nope. I am never in the wrong.
French Narrator: Let us move on before FANDOM takes us down.
[Cut to Prim at his house.]
Primitive: hmmm what should i watch
[He scrolls through the channels until he finds the funny SpongeBob show.]
Primitive: hey that's kinda cool. i could make a funny fanfiction out of this
Arre: You've got a fine idea there, buckaroo.
Primitive: who the hell is you
Arre: Uh.. Santa Claus.
Primitive: santa's a fat old guy who wears a red suit and delivers presents on christmas. you're a middleweight 18 year old woman who appeared all of a sudden in my house on the first day of july
Arre: Shit. Well anyway I'm gonna go capitalize on that idea and by that I mean make a wiki on Wikia that might get semi-popular in like a decade from now.
Primitive: ha like that's ever gonna happen
One decade later…
Primitive: fuck.
Arre: You underestimate me, fool.
Primitive: yeah yeah. here's your money.
[Primitive gives Arre a $10 bill.]
Arre: Pleasure doing business with you- hey, this is a Canadian dollar.
Primitive: Yeah, I live in Canada.
Arre: WHAT. CANADIANS ARE THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE!
Primitive: Great, so not only is the owner a racist, but the founder is one too.
[Arre shoots Primitive with a shotgun.]
CrazySponge: huh. it feels good to not be the one who dies for once.
[CrazySponge explodes.]
French Narrator: Well, there you have it-
CartoonGuy277: IS THAT A FRENCH GUY I HEAR?? FRENCH PEOPLE ARE THE ENEMY OF THE PEOPLE!!
French Narrator: I always knew I'd get it in SBFW.
[CartoonGuy starts shooting aimlessly.]
French Narrator: Ah, right. I'm a disembodied voice who is physically incapable of dying. Anyway, that's basically a short summary of Mr. PrimitiveSponge129's life, I guess. There's not really much to say because, well I mean he isn't much himself. Thank you for reading, adieu.
[CartoonGuy continues shooting everything and everyone as the episode ends.]
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