Chapter Eight: Knuckles In A Bio Lab

==Story==
Chapter Eight: Knuckles In A Bio Lab
OCTOBER 2ND, 2009 1:67 P.M…ERM…2:07 P.M. BIOLOGY CLASS…AGAIN
Knuckles was scratching his head in confusion as he was working on a Biology Lab by himself. It was the day after…yesterday…and the room was still a mess. The parts of the ceiling and floor where the volcano substance were was still splattered with white goop, bullet shells littered the floor, and half the people there looked like they had bite marks on themselves. There was also, for some strange reason, a burn mark from a chemical fire on one of the desks, but no one could explain it. Shadow was trying to figure out how to do the simple Biology problem that he didn't study for because his notes were eaten by Nick…not his dog. Rouge and the rest of the Sonic cast had the same problem. Nick had an excuse to not be at school today, as he was strangely sent to the hospital originally for many deep papercuts in his throat, but now he apparently was suffering from 'Learningitis.' Why I just made this up, I do not know.
"Wait, does this mean the episode will be notoriously short?" Knuckles asked to no one in particular. The teacher then threw a sponge at Knuckles, as he was waiting for his fixed-up objects of EVERYTHING ELSE to arrive. Why they were gone, he could blame it on the volcano. The test Knuckles and gang were doing was a difficult one, one where they had to figure out the balanced electrons in an electron shell. (For those who get what I'm talking about, you'll get the hidden joke as to why it's so 'hard.') Sonic seemed to be doing okay, although Nikki, sitting in the back, could note he seemed to be strangely talking into an earpiece to someone. Shadow and Rouge were hoping they were getting it correct, and they were half-correct for each of the 4 problems. Amy was copying off of Sonic, and Knuckles had NO IDEA WHAT HE WAS DOING. Knuckles sweated bullets as he tried to figure out what to do next.
"Come on, plot device, plot device, plot device," Knuckles asked to the ceiling, seeming to pray as he did so.
"Knuckles, stop that and do your test! If I catch you talking again, you'll get a zero. And considering this is your first grade for the already-halfway completed nine weeks, that's bad," the teacher threatened. Knuckles then wished he hadn't given Nick the idea to eat everyone's notes so he could pay them to look over his.
"I just wanted to be greedy for a minute or two so I could buy ice cream and chicks over E-Bay! WHY HATH YOU FORSAKEN ME!" Knuckles screamed in his mind. The teacher then stood up.
"Knuckles, shut up and finish the test!" the teacher shouted.
"But I was THINKING in my mind, not talking out loud! I didn't even do any weird hand gestures!" Knuckles complained.
"HA! You talked! Now you get a zero!" the teacher sassed. Knuckles's jaw dropped, broke the table, broke the floor, went through the floor, broke the ceiling, and came to rest on the teacher's head. Not only is this PHYSICALLY IMPROBABLE, but it also knocked out the teacher.
"Alright! Now I have time to get this test finished!" Knuckles exclaimed. Knuckles then began drawing circles for atoms and electron circles, which was good…but then Knuckles got distracted by the circles and he began doodling, giving the circles pretty necklace beads. THIS IS BAD. Sonic came up and turned his test in, along with Amy too.
"Okay, I've turned in the test. Now what?" Sonic whispered into the earphone. Tails's voice was pitched through to the other side.
"Jump out an open window, genius," Tails told him sarcastically. Sonic then, predictably, jumped out a window and fell three stories to a hard concrete floor below. A car then ran over Sonic, with the driver texting on a cell and dismissing him as a speed bump.
"I'm okay…" Sonic groaned. Amy then pounced from above onto Sonic and began making love to him on the spot, which aroused the attraction of Joey and nearly every other student who wasn't important to the plot. Nikki already fell asleep in her seat, but she wouldn't have cared anyway. Shadow and Rouge both turned in their tests, hoping they got the answers correct. Knuckles groped his head in confusion.
"AUGH! What do I do!" Knuckles screamed out loud. Of course, no one noticed because of what high schoolers usually do when they see something like Sonic and Amy outside…but that's another story. Whenever Knuckles screamed that question, a vision of Tikal (with a halo, white skirt, and still in echidna form) appeared on Knuckles's right shoulder. A vision of Omochao (with a black cloak and devil horns) appeared on Knuckles's left shoulder. (HEY THIS IS A HIDDEN GREEK LESSON LOL!)
"Try your hardest, Knuckles! If you go the extra mile, you'll love it!" Tikal provoked. Knuckles then tried grabbed Tikal so he could do…very explicit things to her…like play Connect 4. Cuz that's what you do when your imagination talks to you. You play Connect 4. Omochao cheered Knuckles on.
"Go, Knux, go! Remember: it's persistence!" Omochao explained. "Keep that fail going, and your success will dwindle!"
"Thanks for the expert advice, Omochao!" Knuckles thanked. Knuckles then turned in his test, COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS THAT THE FAIL WAS BEING COURSED THROUGH HIM VIA OMOCHAO. The Tikal vision slapped Knuckles angrily.
"You idiot! Not only do you ignore me, but you tried to do bad things to me! You can't **** up your imagination anyway!" Tikal threatened.
"Maybe not in this realm, but if I think hard enough…" Knuckles said out loud. Knuckles's mind then exploded, and he turned wide-eyed and began having a conversation with flowers, lollipops, and the Constitution with Tikal. Shadow and Rouge both saw this.
"Knuckles is talking to himself again…" Shadow pointed out. Rouge just popped a gum bubble.
"You have the frying pan?" Rouge asked. Shadow then, FOR SOME REASON, pulled a frying pan out of his pants. Don't ask how. Rouge then went up and smacked Knuckles with the frying pan, knocking himself out. Rouge sat back down, and then Nick popped out of the sink knob. Shadow and Rouge stared at Nick.
"How did you…" Rouge began.
"Look, I would've been here sooner, but I had to make a stop at McDonalds first," Nick explained, pulling out a Happy Meal and eating it in one bite.
"You know, I'm not surprised anymore," Shadow sighed.
This notion was changed nearly three hours later.
----
Meanwhile, the BioWare executives were climbing up the side of the SEGA HQ building. Surprisingly, they had gotten to the boss man's floor with no problem. The BioWare executives burst into Yuji Naka's office. Whenever they did, Yuji Naka, in a big leather chair, turned around to face them. Two bodyguards were standing silently next to him.
"Greetings, BioWare. I trust your stay has been well?" Yuji Naka asked.
"Yeah, RIGHT," one of the executives sarcastically remarked. That executive was then shot by one of the bodyguards.
"HOLY CRAP! YOU JUST KILLED HIM!" the other executive mentioned. That other executive was shot dead, leaving only the boss of BioWare left.
"What…? Why!" the boss yelled.
"Pitiful fool. Don't you realize it? I've grown tired of the Sonic franchise. Yet it brings in so much cash for me each year. It came to me in 2006. Why don't I just make half-heartedly attempted Sonic games with glitch controls and bad gameplay? All I need to do to keep the fans hooked is add some kick-ass music and everything's alright, no matter what Nintendo Power of GameInformer says!" Yuji Naka began. The BioWare boss gasped.
"Wait…you mean?" the boss asked. Yuji Naka just grinned.
"Yes…I only created the Sonic Chronicles DS game to ADD MORE CHARACTERS! And I will make the ending terrible as well! That's why I canceled the Sonic The Hedgehog TV series while keeping the crappier, LSD-influenced one on the air! THAT'S why I demanded Sonic X ended on a cliffhanger! THAT'S why Sonic '06 has glitchy controls! AND THAT'S WHY I INVENTED CHRIS THORNDYKE, JUST TO SCREW OFF THE KINGDOM HEARTS FAN AS WELL!" Yuji Naka screamed. "And soon…I will unveil…MY ULTIMATE PLAN! PROJECT NEEDLEMOUSE WILL DESTROY SONIC ONCE AND FOR ALL!"
(Project Needlemouse I know nothing about. I just used it as a plot device for this; I don't know if Sonic will be destroyed by this or not.) Anyways, the BioWare boss looked shocked, and he began stepping backwards as Yuji Naka began walking slowly to him.
"But…but you can't!" the BioWare boss screamed. "This is crazy! This is MADNESS!"
"No, you fool…" Yuji Naka replied demonically. "THIS…IS…SEGA!"
Yuji Naka then kicked a screaming BioWare official out of the SEGA HQ building, which means he fell a good 100 stories before landing in an open manhole. Whenever the loud smack was heard, a strange counter came up that said "-100 HP." Yuji Naka laughed for a long time.
"FINALLY! NOW NO ONE WILL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN SONIC CHRONICLES 2! THE WORLD IS MINE!" Yuji Naka devilishly shouted. Meanwhile, the BioWare boss landed in a sewage drainage pit out in a forest, which was conviently located right next to a gas station.
"That's it, Yuji. You've left me no other choice," the boss growled. "There's only one group that's eviler than you that can stop this madness and use of 300 references…4Kids."
As soon as the boss said that evil word, many trees died, the gasoline inside the gas station expired, and the economy slumped AGAIN.
----
5:07 P.M. NICK'S KITCHEN
Nick was downstairs, telling everyone he was going to play something on the Nintendo Wii. As for Shadow and everyone else, they were all huddled in a circle.
"Ok, guys. Listen. I have a feeling Nick knows something about this world that he's not telling us," Shadow explained.
"Meaning?" Sonic wondered.
"He seemed pale when I asked him to play Kingdom Hearts 2 the other day, and whenever Rouge and I were beating up Knuckles, he seemed frustrated at the television," Shadow explained.
"He also seemed weird at the golf course last Saturday, too…" Tails realized.
"Okay, then. Let's see what Nick is up to," Knuckles announced. Everyone went silently downstairs, which actually worked because they avoided the squeaky first step and they managed to actually stay quiet for the entire time. Some scrambling could be heard in the basement room, as the door wasn't locked or shut, but slightly cracked open. Shadow opened the door as Nick selected the Game Channel for the Wii System. Nick looked pale-faced as he saw everyone come in. Before anyone could say ANYTHING, the start-up screen for Sonic and the Secret Rings popped-up. Whenever the short song ended, Shadow and the gang went bloodshot.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!" Sonic screamed. Nick just looked at the Wiimote he was holding, then he looked at everyone else.
"Um…the economy?" Nick tried to lie. Shadow cornered him.
"What else have you been hiding from us?" Shadow threateningly asked. Nick gulped, as he proceeded to pull out the secret stash of Sonic-themed games he hid under the couch earlier.
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==Trivia==
*This chapter ended up revealing that Knuckles's typical "angel and devil on shoulder" prospect consists of Tikal The Echinda as the angel and Omochao as the devil. Tikal was chosen due to the fact that she was not only Knuckles's ancestor, but also a good-natured female that tried to prevent chaos on her tribe (although this partially failed as her tribe was killed by Chaos, as shown in both Sonic Adventure DX: Director's Cut and Sonic X). Omochao was most likely chosen due to his annoying personality.
*The "THIS IS SEGA" joke was reused in Sonic Adventure Abridged; in that series, Tails shouted "THIS IS SEGA" during the Icecap level, creating the avalanche that led to the Chaos Emerald in said Icecap.
Category:Owner:INFERNOX/Sonic's Reality Check/SRC_Chapters