The Generic Fishing Chapter

The eighth chapter of Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, posted on July 23, 2013. The players go fishing and get caught up in all sorts of strategic maneuvers.
==Story==
“Last time on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, the Ralphcakes and the Citrus Fruits competed in a challenge full of sandy fun! Lots of weird stuff happened, such as Chelsey going shirtless, which I’m pretty sure increased our number of viewers by about one million. The challenge took forever and was kinda boring, but in the end, the Citrus Fruits won for the second time in a row! Maybe the Ralphcakes are going easy on the poor guys. Whatever, when the Ralphcakes went to elimination, strategy was tossed to the side so they could eliminate MacKenzie who was apparently boring. Today, I don’t have anything planned, so let’s just see what happens! Hehe. Should be fun. Tune in for more dramatic crap on Total Drama... Superstar Showdown!”
The Ralphcakes are shown arriving at camp after elimination. “I am going to bed, because too much drama gives me hives,” Chelsey says. “And I don’t want to wreck my really smooth skin. Nope.”
Wolfgang sighs, and slumps onto the ground. “Wait! Wolfgang! Come here, we need to have a little chat. It’s about, you know, popularity,” says Chelsey, walking up to him.
“Get away from me,” growls Wolfgang. “I don’t want to hear it.”
“Come on. Yesterday, I told you I needed to make you into a better person. This is gonna make your dream a reality,” says Chelsey. “So, the first thing you need to do is go and find a nice beach, and lie out in the sun for approximately twelve hours...”
“Why are you doing this?!” Wolfgang’s eyes turn wide. “Do you LIKE me? Or is this just some elaborate jazz to make me even more universally despised?”
“To be completely honest, I’m just using you for a vote. But if you’re acting like this the whole time, I won’t want to be around you. So, this’ll make you more likable,” Chelsey says sweetly.
“Wow, Wolfie is really getting it in with those ladies, huh?” says Puck to Flora. “Hey, you’re pretty funny too. What do you think about...”
“Puck, I’m confused,” says Flora worriedly. “Don’t you have other things to worry about?”
“Yeah, y’know...” says Puck. “Casey’s cold, man. Colder than my cubes. I like to keep my options open, too.”
Flora says in the confessional, “I’m kinda confused. First of all, the snobby ones like Elena keep calling me boring, and now Puck is hitting on me? I mean, I should be used to being called boring, but what’s there to hit on if I’m just that...”
“Hey, uh, Helga,” says Julia gruffly. “Tell me somethin’.”
“Hmm, well, it depends,” Helga says, barely looking up from her book. “Does it involve killing people? I’m really getting tired of that.”
“No. Whaddya think about betraying Arthur and getting his fat ol’ butt cheeks out of here next?” Julia says.
“Whoa, look out, we’ve got a faux-strategist over here,” says Helga dryly. “But that’s not a good idea. Don’t let your animosity toward him get to you. Plus, considering the other people on the team, I’d almost say he’s one of the better ones.”
“Hey, guys, does this thing make me look fat?” Elena walks up to the two, wearing a gigantic teapot costume. “Chelsey told me it was the newest style. Ugh, I don’t believe that peasant.”
“Elena... It doesn’t make you look fat... It makes you look really pretty...” says a small voice from the ground.
“SHUT UP!” yells Elena. “I’d rather make out with a dead rat.”
“Gee, you’ve got some great taste,” says Helga rudely. Elena shoots a mean look at her.
There is a rustling in the tree next to them. The contestants look up and see Arthur climbing up the tree, but seeming to be stuck.
“What are you doing now?!” screeches Julia. “You moron, you’re gonna get yourself ki-- actually, I wouldn’t mind that.”
“I am looking for apples to shoot at obnoxious persons’ heads,” Arthur says. “But I am running into some difficulties.”
“Well, I’ll take my suitcase, and I’ll shoot it at YOUR head, and that’ll make you run into some difficulties living,” growls Julia.
“Haters are going to hate,” shrugs Arthur, and he drops from the tree, landing face-first on the ground.
The scene moves to Chelsey and Wolfgang, who are still talking to one another. “Why do you care about what kind of fragrance I use?!” says Wolfgang angrily. “How does it benefit you in any way, shape, or form?!”
“Wolfgang. Listen. You smell like roadkill. You need to get better with your hygiene,” Chelsey says.
“Dude, I’m angered,” Wolfgang mutters. “Just... stop talking to me.”
Chelsey says in the confessional, “I really don’t know what’s up with Wolfgang. The guy thinks I’m out to get him or something. Like, look at me. Do I really look threatening? I mean, I’d be worried if I was getting advice from Elena. But Elena is not me. And he really, really needs to figure that out, otherwise I’ll just boot the guy off.”
The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are in the house, doing peculiar things, as usual.
Alex is shown walking to the bathroom. He opens the door, and a giant cloud of fog blasts him in the face. The fog clears, and he opens the shower door, revealing a showering Layla, who screams loudly.
“VERONICAAAA!” Layla calls for Veronica. There is a rustling, and Veronica falls through the ceiling, grabbing Alex and escorting him out the door.
Alex walks downstairs and crashes onto the couch, where Nic is watching TV.
“Whatcha doin’?” Alex says. “Is that that one show where the obese lonely men pretend to be hot women on social networks to lure teenagers? Dogfish, right?”
“Yes, yes,” Nic says, as he jots down notes in a pad of paper. “I am studying, for this is the only way to get a girlfriend.”
Alex yawns and stretches out. “Dude. What’s your problem? I feel like you were a lot less creepy back at the jungle. But, uh, I was voted out super early... so, take what I say with a grain of salt.”
“Hmm, Alex, the thing is...” Nic begins, then sighs. “I liked Elena back then, so I tried to act mucho macho. But now, I have realized Chrissy hates me, so I can act like the real me.”
“But, the real you doesn’t wanna be like Alejandro all the time. The real you is probably a nice, friendly dude,” Alex says.
“Nice and friendly? No! Do you really think Abby would like a nice, friendly lad? No, she likes daring men, and she will go away if I turn nice and friendly!” Nic says.
“Whatever. I’m gonna crash, anyway. Night...” Alex says. Right as he closes his eyes, Trick walks into the room.
“Yo. Guys. You and me. Alliances? You up for some strategy talk?” says Trick.
“Ugh, Trick. Dude, I need my beauty sleep. Yeah, yeah, I know about alliances. We gotta take out the threats. You hate women. Blah, blah,” Alex says.
“Yes, Trick, I don’t understand your fixation on taking out the females. They are very, very nice to look at,” purrs Nic.
“What the... Dudes, I never said ANYTHING about taking out girls. Quit putting words into my mouth. We’ve literally eliminated one girl, and that wasn’t even my fault,” says Trick, getting angry.
There is a long pause. Alex then says, “You’re a tool.”
Nic is shown in the confessional. “Yes, yes, Trick is mean, just like Cammy. But Alejandro did take the less likable competitor with him to the finals. And that’s why he won, am I right? As long as I can take Trick to the end, this game will be mine! Mwa-ha-ha-haaa!”
Estrella then opens the door. “Hey, there was an awful smell in here, I was just going to inves--” She looks at the plotting Nic. “Bye.” She then closes the door.
Estrella walks over to the couch, where Chrissy is on her laptop. “I’m getting really, really tired of these people,” says Estrella.
“Uh, hang on a second, I’m trying to reblog something...” Chrissy clicks on something, and then closes her laptop. “K. Done. What’s up?”
“The dudes. I really hate to go all Elena, but there’s something seriously wrong with them. They make Julian look tame,” says Estrella.
“Ew, Elena. That girl is pretty much unbearable,” says Chrissy. 
“Well, you do have a knife here, don’t you...” says Estrella. “But whatever. How’s Nic working out?”
“The kid won’t leave me alone,” says Chrissy. “I guess he still doesn’t get the nine million hints I’ve dropped that I don’t like him at all.”
“Shove sharp objects in his face,” Estrella says sweetly. “That’ll do the trick.”
“Believe me, you think that hasn’t crossed my mind at some point?” Chrissy says. “Whatever. I want to get rid of the guy.”
“You know, I don’t even really care who we get out next...” Estrella says. “I wouldn’t enjoy talking to any of these people in the real world, so there’s that.”
“Wait, aren’t you great friends with Cammy? I feel like you and Trick would have had to interacted at some point...” Chrissy states.
“No. Hate the guy. Cammy is totally unlike her usual self when she’s around him. You think they got better after Revolution ended? They didn’t. Cammy has only contacted me once in the past year, and it was to babysit her pet snake. It was NOT fun,” complains Estrella.
“Heh. I was never really a fan of her, even though she... yeah,” says Chrissy. “Whatever. So, uh, how’s life?”
“Life-y,” says Estrella. She then puts in her headphones and turns on extremely loud music, hinting she doesn’t want to talk anymore.
The scene changes to the challenge, where Roz meets the contestants in front of the lake. “Hey, guys! Whoooo likes fishing?”
“Eww, I hate fish. They’re all gross and slimy,” Elena says. “Like, I don’t want to touch your scales. Catch yourselves.”
“You’re in luck, Elena! Today’s challenge is fishing!” says Roz cheerfully. “Yeah, we got kinda tired of trying to come up with elaborate stuff. So, this one is simple - whoever can catch the most fish in like two hours or whatever wins!”
“‘Like two hours or whatever’? You don’t even give us a time limit?” says Helga.
“Hey. Girl. I don’t go around insulting your methods of doin’ stuff, do I?” Roz says. “Anyway, yeah. You can find boats and fishing poles somewhere. I also told the peeps in town that you’re doing a challenge, so expect distractions. That’s all! Hehe. Bai!”
The Hopalong Ralphcakes are shown walking to their fishing spot. “Ughhh, I hate walking,” whines Elena.
“Grow wings and fly,” says Helga while reading. “And perhaps you’ll fly into the sun and get burnt into a crisp.”
“Oh. My. God. That was a great comeback,” Chelsey says, and looks at Helga. “Gurl, I like it.”
Arthur walks up to a dubious-looking box. “So, these are our materials, eh?” He opens it up, and tons of hooks and lures fall out. “Check it out, Matt,” he says to Trey, while holding up a tiny rubber worm. “This is the size of your... nose.”
“I’m sick of it, Arthur...” Trey says quietly. “How would you feel if I just disappeared... You wouldn’t care, would you...”
“I really wouldn't. You know, I act like ‘The Douche’ to you for a reason,” Arthur says.
“Guys, I know it’s a mind-blowing idea, but how about actually participating in the challenge?” says Helga.
“Since when were you the spokesperson for competing in challenges?!” snaps Julia. “You’re lazier than my great-aunt!”
Flora takes out one of the fishing rods and casts it into the water, while everyone is bickering. She feels a tug on her line, and the line yanks her to the side.
“Yeah. I mean, guys, listen. We want to win challenges, right? We’ve lost two people. In a row. They were both unpopular and kinda weird, but still. This is NOT good,” Chelsey says.
Chelsey and the other girls continue to argue, and while they argue, Flora’s line throws her out to sea. It writhes back and forth through the waves, while she continues to hold onto it and swings around. There’s then a loud “sploosh” and she falls into the water, while her line floats away.
“Man, I love fishing! It’s part of my blood, man. I can even do it with my mouth! Check it,” says Puck. He takes off his shirt and pants, revealing a Speedo, and dives facefirst into the water.
“Heh. Guess he doesn’t remember that he can’t swim and almost drowned last season,” Wolfgang smirks.
“The moron likes to believe anything he can, it gives him greater self-esteem,” Helga says.
Chelsey is shown in the confessional. “This is not a good day. First of all, I wake up and hear Elena being Elena. She’s just yapping about random crap as usual, nothing new. Trey just sits there and tries to make us feel sorry for him, but I know he secretly wants to get in bed with Elena. Arthur’s an obese nuthole who never shuts up, and I lied, he won’t be popular no matter what, even if he lost a hundred pounds. The band Julia is obsessed with is aimed at preteen girls. Wolfgang is okay, I guess, but he rejects any of my attempts to get to know him. And Flora... Wait, she’s actually bearable. Hmm. I could do something with Flora.”
Flora, who looks like she’s trying hard to not get angry, emerges from the water soaking wet and without a fishing pole.
“H-h-hi, guys,” she says, shivering. “Nice job not noticing. I’m used to it, though.”
“And I’m used to getting crapped on by birds daily!” yells Wolfgang. “But do I complain about it?”
“Yes. Yes, you do,” Arthur says frankly.
“Guys, I think you’ve lost the focus of the challenge,” says Flora sweetly. “We’re fishing, right?”
Chelsey looks at Flora. “Yeah, um, come over here, honey. I have something I kinda want to talk to you about.”
Wolfgang is shown in the confessional. “Will the chick ever stop? Earlier this morning, she was trying to get ME to be in an alliance. I don’t even like people. What in the world would make her think I like being in an alliance? Ugh, she bugs me! I’m worried for Flora. She’s too nice to hear about that popularity crap.”
“Okay. I’m gonna make this brief. Flora, you need to become popular. Yeah, I had this chat with Wolfie earlier today. But I have faith it’ll work with you. First of all, what you need to do is buy twenty pairs of yoga pants,” Chelsey explains.
“Yeah, Chelsey, I don’t like yoga pants. I find jeans to be a lot more well-fitting on my legs,” Flora says plainly.
“Well, people don’t like boring people,” Chelsey says.
“Boring? You think I can control my boringness? If so, I would be the most interesting girl ever,” says Flora.
Wolfgang is shown fishing. He hears a bite, and reels his rod in, only to catch a sopping wet Puck instead of a fish.
“Sup, dude?” he says enthusiastically. “Just getting swole!” He flexes, showing off his nonexistent muscles.
“YOU?!” he yells, and releases Puck back into the lake quickly.
“There is literally NOTHING here. Can’t we just go home and watch footage of 1E’s new concert? Ugh, they premiered a new song too,” Julia groans.
“Yes, I’m sure you’d love to see Zane make out with his buxom girlfriend from the four piece girl group Little Dix. That would not make you jealous, now, I assume,” winks Arthur.
“Zane and Perry are JUST FRIENDS!” yells Julia. “Don’t believe everything the tabloids say!”
“Yeah. ‘USA Today’ is totally a tabloid,” Elena says rudely. “Sorry, dude. It was a front page story.”
“Even I know this,” Helga says. “And I barely listen to music.”
Meanwhile, the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are shown walking to their fishing spot.
“Need some help with that, my dear?” winks Nic, as Chrissy carries the tackle box.
“Yeah, no. I can do it,” Chrissy says gruffly. She then lifts the box on top of her head and continues to carry it.
Layla gets to the fishing spot before everyone else, and stretches out on the ground. “I’m gonna, like, work on my tan and sleep and stuff. Veronica, if you want to get me a Diet Mountain Fizz, that’d be greatly appreciated. Oh, and some crackers too. You know what, just get me a whole box of them. Thaaaaanks.”
“Uh, whatever you say, Layla!” Veronica says, with a hint of sadness in her voice.
“My redheaded vixen, we have to compete in the challenge,” says Nic creepily. “Or, you know, instead you could list the qualities you best liked about Alejandro winning in Denmark. I personally enjoyed his dubbed-in voice. It was all deep and throaty, mmmm.”
“Nic. What are you doing,” says Estrella, who’s simultaneously listening to music and fishing. “That’s--” She tugs on her line and catches a small bluegill. “Ooh, I got one. This is better than nothing, I suppose,” she says. “I still hate you, fishy.” She puts the fish into the small net floating into the water.
“Yeah, I don’t really want to get that thing for Layla... Ooh, maybe I should fish! Cool,” says Veronica happily. “She’s asleep anyway, she won’t notice.”
“You know, I’m really not into the whole fishing thing...” says Alex, while he watches Trick fish.
“Would talking strategy be cooler to you?” asks Trick.
“No, man. I don’t like strategy. Or anything that involves the moving of any kind of muscular joint,” Alex says.
“So, uh, you’re telling me to kill you? Because you said you--” Trick begins.
“Shut up, man. Let me sleep,” Alex says.
There’s a scream, and the boys look over. Sure enough, Nic is making out with Estrella. He finally lets go, and scurries away.
“Why,” Estrella says with no emotion whatsoever. “Just... why.”
“Wait, Estrella, you said you wanted a showmance!” says Nic. “Plus, you enjoy my sexy flair.”
“No. When did I EVER say that,” says Estrella, now shaking. “WHEN.”
“Nic, just go stare at shirtless pictures of Alejandro or something,” says Chrissy angrily, leading Estrella away.
Estrella says in the confessional, “I don’t like Nic, obviously. But you know, Chrissy has some faults too. She just has less faults than everyone else, and I attempt to be nicer to her. Does she think I’m friends with her? No. I’m not really friends with anyone here, except Helga, but she smells like bratwurst.”
“Hey, guys, I caught a fish!” says Veronica happily, holding up a giant bass.
“Nobody cares,” Estrella says rudely.
“So, should I-- Oh, no!” As Veronica is talking, the fish leaps into the water and swims away.
Meanwhile, the Ralphcakes still haven’t made any semblance of progress with their fish catching.
“Mooooooooroahahaha!” Puck says, yelling into the lake. “Mweeeeeeeeh! Roooooooooo! Aioooooo!”
“WHAT THE CRAP ARE YOU DOING?!” yells Wolfgang angrily. “My eardrums are being destroyed.”
“Dude, Wolfie, simmer down! I’m trying to summon a whale, because Helga told me that if I did, Roz would totally let us win!” Puck says happily. “You know we can do it! You saw my mad whale-catching skills in Tokyo, right?”
“That was pure luck. Also, Puck, did it ever cross your mind that maybe I was being sarcastic? I know it’s a really hard concept for you to understand,” says Helga snidely.
“Yeah, dude... Also, whales don’t live in freshwater... You should know that...” says Trey quietly. “I wish a whale could have picked me up from Tiki Jungle and brought me back to civilization...”
Elena says in the confessional, “There are times where I don’t know if I want to violently make out with Trey, or punch him in the face.”
Julia is shown with her line in the water. She quickly reels it in, and a giant pike appears. It flops around on her, and she starts to scream, “This thing is bigger than ME!”
Arthur grabs the fish. “You know, if I was not a nice person, I would have left it on. But it could have bitten your nose off, and even though I would have enjoyed that, noses are a vital part of your body.”
“Ugh, Arthur, if you’re gonna be Puber T, at least make it interesting,” Helga says.
“All right, would you like to learn about sexually transmitted illnesses?” Arthur says. “Because I can--”
“GUYS, I GOT THE FISH OFF!” Julia yells, while trying to put the gigantic fish into the net. “Now, if only it could...” The fish bites her. “OWW! Stupid thing!”
Roz randomly barges in, in the midst of all the commotion. “Hey, guys, challenge is over, time to see who won and poop like that. Also, you guys should be lucky that the townspeople didn’t bother you, Smoothie Guy was feelin’ mouthy earlier. So, meet me back there in five!”
In 'five,' the contestants are all shown back at the center of where the challenge began.
“That was totes a throwaway challenge,” Chelsey says. “If you want good ratings, you have to do cool stuff. Like drama. Someone could get murdered, then we could start receiving messages from an anonymous person, and then we could solve mysteries and stuff. That’d be so perf.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. K, so what did ya guys catch?” says Roz.
Arthur holds up the Ralphcakes’ net, while Nic holds up the Citrus Fruits’. Both have little to nothing, but the fish in the Ralphcakes’ net is bigger.
“Ooh! Ralphcakes, that’s a nice beefy pike ya got there. Citrus Fruits... I don’t know what I’m gonna do with a bluegill. So, Ralphcakes win immunity and continue to dominate!” Roz cheers.
“Uh, we lost two challenges in a row,” snaps Julia.
“SHADDAP!” Roz says. “But yeah. Head back to the cabin, boys and girls. Citrus Fruits, you guys get to sleep on the ground tonight.”
The Citrus Fruits are shown walking to their camp. Nic walks up to Trick. “Hola, amigo. Up for some strategy talk?” he says.
“Yeah...” says Trick warily. “But not with you. I’m gonna talk to Alex first, see what he thinks.”
Trick walks up to Alex, who’s asleep. Alex suddenly wakes up. “Man, can’t you see I’m doing something right now? Thanks.” He then falls back asleep.
Nic suddenly appears next to Trick. “Alex is asleep. We can now make our strategic moves!”
“You know, don’t kill me for this, dude. But I kinda want to get Alex out. You know, he does literally nothing in challenges, he's lazy, and earlier he called me a tool,” Trick says.
“I am shocked! Even Al would think you were slimy. While I appreciate your gameplay, I don’t know if I can do it. Alex is a good amigo of mine,” says Nic.
“Yeah, I don’t want to be that mean to the guy. We’ve kinda had an alliance with the start, but since Devin has been gone for a while...” Trick says.
“This strategy talk is quite boring. I’m going to go attempt to flirt with Chrissy,” says Nic, and he struts away.
“Wait, but you were the one who just said you wanted to talk strategy!” calls out Trick. “Well, I don’t even... What?”
“Hi, Nic, what do you want,” says Chrissy as Nic walks over to her.
“I am purely interested in seeing who you want to get out,” winks Nic.
“You,” says Chrissy. “But since I don’t want to be the target of some horrible scheme, I’ll vote with you.”
Chrissy says in the confessional, “I feel kind of sorry for the kid, even though he’s annoyed me for two seasons straight. I might as well try to make an alliance with him, at least I have numbers.”
“I wouldn’t do it,” softly purrs a voice. Chrissy looks down and sees Estrella.
“Estrella, he hasn’t even said who he wants to get out...” Chrissy says.
“Trick,” says Nic. “I am sure you’d agree with that. He is more of a Justin than an Al.”
“That guy’s a pompous douche, but you know, Alex is lazy as well as a pompous douche,” Estrella says quietly. “Or we could get out Layla, but she’s been lying low lately.”
“Hmm... There’s tons of options, guys. Now, Nic, mind getting lost? I don’t want to have to resort to doing other things,” threatens Chrissy.
“Yeah. I still haven’t forgotten your DISGUSTING LIPS ON MY MOUTH,” Estrella snaps.
Nic winks at her, then quickly sprints away.
Roz is shown with the contestants at the elimination ceremony. “Hey, guys! Wow, you’re really dwindling. Seven left, and soon to be six? Woooow.”
“Shut up,” says Layla rudely.
“Now, Layla, normally I’d punish ya for being that rude! But tonight, you get the first seashell!” says Roz, and she tosses Layla a seashell.
“Uh, that’s unexpected. Eww. This seashell is ugly, I want a new one,” complains Layla.
“Too bad! Uh, next seashells go to Chrissy, Veronica, and Estrella! A girl is not going home tonight,” says Roz.
The three all get their seashells, and Chrissy and Estrella smile at each other.
“Nic. You’re creepy and an annoying villain wannabe, but somehow you’re safe tonight,” says Roz, as she passes him a seashell.
“Whoo!” Nic cheers, and the seashell hits him in the head. “Hey, gravity, this gag has been done thousands of times. Be original.”
“Trick and Alex. Nobody really likes either of you. Uh, let’s get this over with. Final seashell goes to...”
“Trick.”
Alex, who was snoring, wakes up. “Huh? What? Am I safe?”
“Nah. You got eliminated,” Roz says. “Sorry, bud.”
“...Damn,” says Alex softly. “Whatever. At least I can get some well-deserved sleep. Maybe this game isn’t really that cut out for me... Hey, can someone carry me to the Boat of Losers?”
Chef suddenly walks up to the group, picks up Alex, and throws him into the boat. His head hits the wall and he crumples onto the ground.
“Wow. Try throwing a bit softer next time,” says Alex groggily. The Boat of Losers chugs off into the sunset.
“So, that was a pretty anti-climactic elimination, but I’m not sure why that guy was even brought back in the first place!” says Roz. “Maybe to give hope for lazy people everywhere? He didn’t really do much. Tune in for more random tomfoolery next time on Total... Drama... Superstar Showdown!”