Chris Hansen

"Take a seat." - Chris Hansen
Chris Hansen is an active child predator hunter on Attorney Online. He usually lets his presence be known by saying "Take a seat."
Chris Hansen typically plays as Luis Hawk, however in real life he is a white old man.
Chris Hansen dedicates himself to hunting child predators, so naturally, he went to Attorney Online.
Surprisingly, his main server is not HDF. The reason for this being, "There are too many pedos there". It is his lifelong goal to arrest EkYonKun for "pedophilia" and wishes HDF to be shutdown permanently by the FBI.
Chris claims to be a Quebec-speaking Chinese Jew when really it's all cap. He's a weeb and tries to prove his Chinese ethnicity by typing in Japanese saying things like "僕 は セックス 大好き", "変態" and "はい".
He recently doxxed himself claiming to be a 23 year old female living at 6092 Rue Clark Montréal (Pierrefonds-Roxboro), Quebec H8Z 2G4 (further proof is needed).
Chris Hansen began to waste his life on Ace Attorney Online after he turned 23 late January 2022. His first time going on Newbie Hole was a disaster because the first character he used was April and got hated on real quick. He began to experiment which character to main so he decided to go as Armstrong and name himself James Charles. James Charles is nothing like Chris Hansen, he's super gay and sus (possibly pedo). After a few weeks, Chris Hansen met the character he would main forever, Hawk. Hawk at the time was owned by Bannable before he moved on to another character. That was when Chris Hansen began to become an autistic regular and fulltime child predator hunter on NH.
Chris Hansen is a relatively average user on Attorney Online. He will try to get himself on the Newbie Hole action if it's goofy enough for him. He shows signs of dementia due to his old age, but that hasn't been diagnosed (further information needed).
Chris Hansen will usually say "Take a seat." when he decides to enter the NH chat. He will indeed say "Take a seat." even if he already said it. He will typically say "good" if you tell him you are already seated. He doesn't really spam, but tends to blankpost when he's bored.
When people mention anything female related, Chris Hansen would usually say "females dont exist" though he would claim he's a female himself. He would also call out minors shouting to the whole world such user is a "minor". He's an imagining person because he tends to say "imagine...", when he hears something sus or controversial to his beliefs and values.
Chris Hansen can be horny and ironically sus at times. He is a simp for Ema Skye and will try to pair with AO Modbot and change it to EmaSkye with a smug face at offset -23 or 69 when he gets the chance to. Whenever he sees an Ema user he will usually say, "Ema is hot" and if they asks "which one?" (referring to either the 16 year old or 27 year old Ema) he will usually reply "the 16yo one" (Don't worry kids, he's old and meant to type 27 due to his neurological disorder which makes his hands shake). Despite his mental issues and erectile dysfunction, he's a pretty based guy and you shouldn't take his bs and sussy acts seriously because it's NH afterall.
Chris Hansen very much hates child predators, HDF (especially EkYonKun) and is disgusted with the alphabet people especially UwUCore. He might flip out if you ask for a cupcake or mention "pedo" in the NH chat.
Chris Hansen has a hatred towards HDF and its users. Whenever someone mentions HDF, he would always say "ew hdf", "hdf is gay", or "hdf sucks" and proceeds to rant how they're full of pedos and that their ID system on their "Moonlit Irish Pub 19+" room is stupid. He was banned multiple times for asking who EkYonKun was and accused the mods for being "pedophiles" as well as spamming with the character Neo. He joined the Edgeworth army commanded by Edgeworthless and has successfully raided HDF multiple times calling out all the pedos and being gay.
Chris Hansen is active in a Discord server called AO Hell. (this discord server is now dead) He gets into fights with mostly the Russians in the server because he believes China is the better country and he mocks their Cyrillic script by typing the Latin equivalent to it. He sometimes has beef with the British users, mostly gaya and RussellDadler because of their Harry Potter accents and pronunciations of certain places like "Scarborough". He would also make people mic up when he's on voice chat and when they refuse to mic up, he would call them out for being a "squeaker" even though he is a squeaker himself (Mickey Mouse voice according to morgy) and claims to use a voice changer to sound masculine.
Chris Hansen is a professional checkers player and will call out anyone who opposes checkers for chess in a 1v1 match in chess. After defeating the pro-chess players, he will mention they lost in chess to a checkers player.
Some time later, Chris Hansen went onto AO to announce he would end his life. Edgeworthless, doubtful, asked him to send a rickroll if he was being serious. Chris Hansen then sent him a link that appeared to be a suicide tape. However, as it was about to show, a rickroll appeared. Edgeworthless and the others laughed it off until they remembered why Chris Hansen needed to send a rickroll. Chris, however, was long gone.
‘Update: he didn’t actually kill himself, he survived.
Category:Users