Fuck You. Anything Else?

==Season Fourteen, Season Finale ==
Preceded By: Season Fourteen, Episode Ten: Better Late than Never
Followed By: Season Fifteen 
==Summary==
: Having finally defeated Haveo Gloriosa, the party is ready to investigate the monastery. They decide to search around before waking up the monks. Near where they fought is a hallway leading to a series of storage and living rooms. At the end of the hallway is a kitchen. The balcony Cicero mentioned is visible nowhere. 
: Ashra finds two extra consciousnesses in the temple. One is in a closet; it is somewhat stupid and thinks " ... ohgod ...". The other is below a trapdoor beneath the altar; she is barely intelligent, female, and without surface thoughts. 
: Leilah kicks down the door to the closet. She finds a blue-eyed blond halfling who claims to be the cook. She quizzes him on some aspect of cooking. He passes, and she lets him run off. 
: The trapdoor takes some more work to access. Tamiko starts pushing it alone, which has no effect. Leilah wants to use a crowbar and a cast of Grease. Ashra remembers some pulleys in party loot. Eventually Ashra pulls the altar up with the crowbar while the rest of the party helps with the pulleys and rope. Once the floor below is visible, Faust casts Grease on it. Then Cicero pushes the altar along the ground as the rest of the party helps him. 
: The trapdoor is untrapped, but has not been opened for many years. Leilah sets her guisarme to eleven feet long and hands it to Reon, who uses it to open the door. Inside is a divine object about the size of a wallet, shaped like a strange sigil. The party identifies it as a divine artifact, but can't identify which god. Leilah says that this is the symbol of an angelic pact. It has some intelligence, and is almost always benevolent. It is inherently linked to Celestalia, and Wish was involved in its creation. 
: While there are surprisingly few evil people around right now, the party as a whole isn't exactly lawful good, so messing with a symbol of angels is probably a pretty bad idea. The party decides that instead of messing with the artifact they should put everything back and talk to the monks first. They carefully replace everything and wipe up the grease. 
: There are eighteen monks in total, mostly humans or elves. Leilah and Reon wake them up. The leader of the monks introduces himself as Krukas Forgedawn, the caretaker of the temple. He's very grateful for the rescue, but also very surprised that anyone came by to save them. He estimates that they were only unconscious for a few hours. He recognizes the obsidian sword, and suspects that Haveo tried to make himself immortal. He reveals (was it him???) that there are seven of these special obsidian swords in existence. He suggests that the party take their remaining sword to the Pelorites in Nyasa City. Ashra has claimed the sword for her own. She promises to keep it safe, if not to give it to the Pelorites. 
: The sword must have come with Haveo: the only two relics kept by these monks are a piece of the true altar of Pelor and the Stone of Guidance, Angelic Touch. Angelic Touch is usually consulted by high priests upon their ascension to power, though this is optional. The ones that consult it tend to be better priests and worse rulers. The other entrance Cicero saw is an apartment used for these priests' convenience; it was last used in 1380 by the current high priest. The fragment of the true altar is hidden. Haveo might have found it, but the monks don't know where it is. 
: Galland and Leilah together persuade the monks to allow the party to consult Angelic Touch. Galland's hat may have been involved in the persuasion. 
: The head monk approaches the altar and says "Three lights ignite a pyre, one is true and two are a liar," then casts Light on two of the three candles. The altar shifts back a little too cleanly. Angelic Touch is glowing as though with pure daylight. Galland wants to touch it, but Ashra and Leilah stop him. 
: Angelic Touch emits a sense of peace and goodness, femininity, and intelligence. Touching it might change the toucher. Ashra is kind of sketched out. The lantern does not react. 
: Meanwhile, Reon, Little Mephy (Faust's fffamiliar) and Fab D are on a mission. They fly around to the balcony of the high priest's apartment. The balcony has been charmed to keep it free of snow. Two doors lead to the interior, both locked. Fab D teleports inside the apartment, and the other two use Knock to open the door. There is a blast of warm air. Apparently there is a hot spring inside this room, with steam vents on the ceiling. This is probably a bath room. 
: They find a plain granite altar in the apartment, with a secret drawer compartment. It's trapped, but they manage to get it open without triggering the trap. Inside is a solid gold gauntlet for the left hand. It's very magical, but clearly not meant for combat; it is both peaceful and foreboding. Fab Dick puts the glove on and immediately his left hand is pierced by thousands of tiny needles. He feels better at Will saves. He returns, still wearing the glove. 
: Meanwhile, the rest of the party has decided that Leilah should be the one to converse with Angelic Touch since she's the closest thing the party has to Lawful Good. She makes a short speech to Pelor, asking for his help. Then she picks up Angelic Touch. 
: The artifact sears her hands, and she drops it immediately. She asks Reon to carefully reduce her to minimum HP, in case this is a test of humility. She starts to repeat her prayer. 
: The away team returns. Fab D won't give up his new shiny toy. Ashra yells at him over this, in the process revealing his worship of Vecna. He, Reon, and Cicero have a bonding moment. Reon manages to get the gauntlet off of Fab D, and he hands it to Leilah. 
: Leilah puts the gauntlet on and touches Angelic Touch again. Her eyes begin to glow and she answers the party's questions with a deep, booming voice: 
: Galland asks about the Baetyl: 
:: That which you seek resides in the west
:: Where the desert meets the endless waters
:: A part to the grand, grand east
:: ... Cross the grand barren blue to the east '''
: Someone asks where to find the altar:
:: That which you seek glows with the sky at morning
: Someone asks who they're talking to:
:: The being to which you speak is unimportant
:: They call it Leilah
:: I am a prophet of the water goddess'''
: Asked about something else important: 
:: In the halls of the ancients ends the lives of many mortals
:: They flee, they obey, they drown, and they bleed
:: Where many before have lived, will live, and will suffer
:: Only the chosen few can prevent the flights of the moon.'''
: Then Leilah comes back to herself, apparently unaware of what was channeled through her. The party fills her in, and they set about searching for the altar again. 
: Galland remembers the magic circle outside the front door, and realizes that the altar itself was probably under it. 
: Ashra decides to pass around the compass again in case something has changed. Reon tries to triangulate his location; it seems roughly around Bisau. The compass now points towards Nyasa City for Ashra, who starts swearing as she realizes this means her Mother has moved and she probably won't get to visit her. Galland's compass points 30 degrees northwest, and Faust's also points northwest. Leilah's points to Bisau. 
: Leilah turns five of the party ethereal, and the party sinks through the rock into a hidden chamber. There is a small cavern about twenty-five feet down. In the center is a large granite rock. The walls are covered in ancient cave paintings, all depicting the sun. Leilah illuminates the cave with the Portable Star to help those without darkvision. There is an immediate and overwhelming sense of awe and reverence; this must be the true altar. 
: This would also be a good place to raise the dead. Even the undead-golem-weirdshit-people, who are a bit out of the clerics' normal purview. Ashra takes Icania's axe and starts speaking to it telepathically. She convinces it to allow her to wield it, though swinging it would be a bad idea. She asks who made it, and it replies "Astaroth." 
: Leilah calls Greenwood and has him agree to send in Quick Blades to protect this location. He agrees, and gives an ETA of two days. Back to the revivifying. 
: Ashra prays to Ethan and asks what to do. Ethan says that the soul can be forced back in, but that she'll need a vessel for it. Leilah casts Similacrum and makes something roughly resembling Gordan Freeman. 
: Galland prays to Cuthbert for help and receives the message "In the desert, bring water, but not too much." He also receives a command to kill the Giant Sand Wurm, which is cool, but not immediately relevant. 
: Tamiko asks her mirror about Icania's corpse, and it replies "A vessel can be filled or smashed."
: Faust casts Fabricate to combine gem dust into gems, which he places over new-Icania's eyes. Ashra places one hand on the lantern and the other on the similacrum's heart. She prays to Ethan, asking him to send Icania's spirit back. The guy's got unfinished business here, and if there's one thing Ethan knows about, it's unfinished fucking business. 
: Ashra channels one of the lights from the lantern. She uses the same procedure as when she drew from the lantern fighting Orcus, but instead of using the light for herself, she forces it into the similacrum. The jewels melt. Icania opens his eyes. 
: He wakes up, gets used to being human again, and is ready to rock. Ashra gets over having raised the dead without any, y'know, resurrection abilities. It's time for a plan. 
: There's no way the party can wait the two days for the Quick Blades to arrive, so they will have to leave the monks alone for that time. Hopefully the Gloriosas won't come right back. Greenwood wants to see them in Nyasa City, plus Ashra's compass reading leads them there. Leilah's leads to Bisau, and she's been pointing the party at relevant locations so far. After that they plan to head to Port Fasco, where the blast started in the Awakening, and from there to the desert location that was the last point on the pilgrimage of Pelor. Hopefully along the way some new information will come up, helping the party search more intelligently. 
: They set off. Everyone hangs out in the Magnificent Mansion while Icania whispers sweet nothings to the Swiftest Thought. Galland starts researching the Giant Sand Wurm while Ashra pouts about being unable to see her mother. 
: Tamiko gets bored on the journey and asks her god for some random magical goodness. Make that a lot of random magical goodness. First her boots turn to gloves. Then Leilah, who was standing nearby, becomes covered in viscous slime. Then a hill giant appears on top of Tamiko. Then every full moon, Tamiko will turn into herself. Her head appears to be a giant eye with horns. Her weapon heats up to 2828 degrees, melting instantly. She believes her reflection is plotting against her. She becomes invisible except for her head, hands, and feet. Her eye becomes invisible for one minute. The party is affected by timelessness for one week. 
: Then, rewarding her devotion, she is immediately deified. This goddess thinks her brain is at home in a jar, by the way. She takes her Staff of Many Things and zaps it at the hill giant. It casts Lightning Bolt and Magic Missile, and the hill giant becomes convinced something terrible will happen. Then it casts Lightning Bolt and Cure Light Wounds, and Tamiko can no longer cast spells unless her hair is wet. Then it casts Cure Light Wounds and Suggestion, and the next meal prepared by the hill giant will taste like liver. The Suggestion is "Get the fuck off our ship, you've caused enough damage."
: Tamiko claims the domains of chaos, flux, and shellfish. She renames herself Tamiko Iconoclast. With a quick goodbye to the party, she heads off to go complete her apotheosis elsewhere. Her plane will be a part of Limbo. 
: After a long what the fuck was that shit break, Leilah asks for targets for Discern Location. The djinn that the party met after the end is in the Irbid Market in Malagassy. The Three Digits comes up not found. The Bloodfoe is at port in Burkina. The Jade Kracken III is deep in the Ornan Jungle. (Ashra hates OtherAshra even more now.) The Crna Ruka comes up not found. Leilah tells Greenwood about the Bloodfoe. He says he'll contact the Inquisition. 
: Finally the party makes it to Nyasa City. Galland is at work making holy symbols. The party claims their bounties and distributes the loot. Ashra gets the Supreme Medal of Justice. Galland spreads the gospel of Tamiko. 
: Galland researches the Sand Wurm. It's a bad idea to fight it flying, and it's best to make a lot of noise and set out some tasty jewels as bait. 
: Greenwood wants to see the party. They go meet him at the Spire of Justice. It's on high alert, but the party has high clearance, and they are led through to his desk immediately. He's been researching the Baetyl, day and night from the looks of him. There has to be a source point for the Baetyl to function from. It can't be in Nyasa City, or the Baetyl would have been stolen last. The Bloodfoe remains in independent Burkina, where the Inquisition can't go. The party could go, however, as they're sorta unaffiliated. He'll keep having archivists comb through the files while the party goes and tries to sink the Bloodfoe. 
: It's kind of out of left field, but hey, the party needs a good fight with not-Haveo-Gloriosa, so Ashra says they'll do that. The party takes its leave. 
: Leilah's compass reading definitely points to Bisau, though, so the party will head there first. They call ahead to check with Aether; she says there's no big news. The pirate problem is still significant. 
: The Thought makes the journey to Bisau pass quickly, and soon the party is flying over giant salt rifts in the Nubian Sea. Lots of workers are trying to plug the rift. There are rumors of a large bounty on the Annihilator. The temple has been fixed and converted back into a temple of Corellon Larethian. 
: Aether and the baby come and greet the party. It's a happy reunion, but a short-lived one. Leilah's reading on the compass still points northwest -- perhaps to the T'nari Oasis. Walking as far north as the Valley of the Kings barely changes the readout. Bisau was a false reading. After visiting Aether, the party is back on their way. 
: In three days, the party arrives at Burkina. It's a land port of large raised wooden docks with staircases, meant for the docking of airships. Leilah has Faust cast Prying Eyes to look at the Bloodfoe. The Bloodfoe is docked in the land port. Four Quick Blades, probably fake, are wandering around keeping a lazy watch. There's a strange old woman with a parasol on one ship; she seems somehow familiar. 
: The party debates whether to tell the authorities, and decides not to. They make battle plans, expecting to land and attack. Everyone buffs up and is ready to go at 6 pm. 
: Ashra checks the situation before the party lands. The woman is, on closer examination, a tiefling crafting a metamagic rod. The Quick Blades actually have greatswords. 
: Cicero brings the party in with Dimension Door. Galland charges in and attacks the nearest Quick Blade-now-demon. A couple of Twos make him believe that his allies are hiding his spellbook and believe him to be dead. He hides. 
: Ashra can hear where Galland is, and she tells the rest of the party. She takes Wisdom damage thanks to another two. Leilah gets a two that makes her change her mind every time she wants to cast a spell. 
: The tiefling woman moves and spins her parasol. It's kind of creepy. Icania casts Greater Dispel Magic on her, but she turns it, and he dispels himself instead. Faust looks at her with Arcane Sight and sends another Greater Dispel at her, dispelling unknown buffs. 
: Nerdin teleports Fab Dick into range. Fab Dick fires his mana beam gun, but he misses his target and hits the ship instead. 
: Galland manages to hit the enemy exactly once in all his attacks, then fires off all the charges of his devastation gauntlets. He manages to bloody the demon. 
: Ashra decides this ambush is really more like the enemy ambushing them. Hitting the enemies in melee or passing their SR looks implausible. She suggests the party should pull out now, but the decision is Leilah's. Leilah agrees it doesn't look good, but says they should give the combat another round to see if it's winnable. Ashra agrees. She relays everyone's location to everyone else, then takes a defensive stance. 
: Leilah casts Fire Storm on the ship. Fab Dick tries to shoot Galland with an Invisibility Bullet, but instead fires the gun into the air. This somehow damages the gun. He fails on his next spell. A demon dispels Nerdin. 
: The parasol woman drops a few filings of iron, and the first Talnec's Disjunction the party has ever seen goes off. All magic ceases instantly. Leilah and Ashra agree it's time to withdraw now. 
: Ashra tells Galland to Regroup everyone together so that she can DDoor them back onto the ship. Icania casts Destruction, killing one demon. Nerdin teleports away. Leilah runs over, uses the Chain Rod to cast Shatter, and bloodies the ship. She holds up her hand. 
: Galland was out of range of the Disjunction, and is the only party member still buffed. He runs over, kills a mook, then grabs Leilah and she teleports them both onto the ship. Ashra grabs Icania and teleports them both out. Faust casts a sonic Meteor Swarm at the Bloodfoe, then teleports to safety. Leilah uses a Miracle to emulate Earthquake. The Bloodfoe is not destroyed, but it is badly damaged. Leilah hits the "GTFO NOW" button on the Thought and the party zooms away. 
: What. The. Fuck. Was. That. Shit. 
Season Fourteen Complete.
Category:EpisodesCategory:Season Fourteen Episodes