Free Guy/Transcript

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
GUY: This is Free City. Look at this guy. He’s one of the sunglasses people. And the people who wear sunglasses are heroes.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC CONTINUES)
(GUNS FIRING)
GUY: They have a devil-may-care attitude and they run this town.
You are so hot.
Oh, I know.
GUY: See? That’s not even his car. Or his wife.
(GUNS CONTINUE FIRING)
GUY: For the sunglasses people, they get to do anything they want. They go on all sorts of missions. They got cool hair, cool clothes. I mean, laws aren’t really laws to them. They’re more like mild suggestions. Like, I don’t think he’s gonna return that car. Or that nice lady. … See what I mean? Hero.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(ALARM BEEPING)
GUY: My name is Guy, and I live in paradise.
(EXHALES)
GUY: Good morning, Goldie.
I’ve lived here in Free City my whole life. I’ve got a best friend, I’ve got a goldfish, and I work at the bank. What more could a guy want?
NEWS ANCHOR: (ON TV) Sunday should be warm and sunny with just a scattering of drive-bys. Great day for the beach, but not Hitman’s Beach, which will be mined and sprayed with high-caliber fire from a renegade gunship stolen by…
GUY: And every morning, I start my day with the most delicious coffee in the whole, wide, whole world.
Medium coffee, cream, two sugars.
GUY: You know it. Mmm. Mmm! That is unexpectedly hot. Jeez, that’s good. It’s like losing my virginity, but in my mouth. Thank you for making this with such love.
You’re welcome.
GUY: (LOUDLY) Officer Johnny!
Have a good one, Guy.
GUY: Don’t have a good day, have a great day!
GUY: (LAUGHS) Hold the fudge. You mean to tell me that nobody snabbed up those bad boys? Today is the day.
Like every other day.
GUY: I’ll be back for those.
GUY: Oh! So close.
Mmm! This is the greatest cup of coffee of all time. I wanna write a song about it.
GUY: I wanna dance to that song with my body.
BUDDY: (LAUGHS) I love my life. There’s something about finding your lane and just staying in it.
GUY: That’s why they call ’em comfort zones, they’re so damn comfortable.
(MAN GRUNTS)
GUY: Oh, Joe! Mondays, am I right, Joe?
You said it, Guy.
GUY: Yeah.
GUY: In Free City, I have everything I need.
GUY: Don’t have a good day… have a great day.
MAN: Thank you.
(CHUCKLES)
Take care.
GUY: Except one thing.
GUY: Seem happy.
Oh, come on, don’t worry about that, Guy. You gonna find someone.
GUY: Oh, it’s okay, Bud. Feel like I’ve been looking for her forever, you know? Maybe it’s not meant to be.
Everybody down on the ground!
(GUN FIRES)
(WOMAN GASPING)
(ROBBER WHOOPS)
(GUY GRUNTS)
GUY: (SIGHS) I know the woman I’m looking for.
Oh, let me guess. A woman with an offbeat sense of humor.
GUY: Sense of humor.
BUDDY: An obsession with feel-good diva pop.
GUY: Diva pop. Yes, that’s her. She’s rented space in my brain and she won’t move out. And you know what? I don’t want her to.
Well, guess what? She won’t move either in or out. You know why? ‘Cause she doesn’t exist. She’s just a fantasy. It’s a fantasy.
GUY: That’s cruel. You’re cruel. You’re being rotten right now. Rotten.
BUDDY: I’m being real.
Nobody try to be a hero. This will all be over soon.
(CHUCKLING)
So how about it? Beers on the beach after work?
GUY: Of course we’re going for beers on the beach after work.
(CHUCKLING) That makes me so happy.
GUY: (CHUCKLING) Me too.
What have you got?
MAN: Proof of a secret level. That’s what you’re looking for, right?
You got a video or a screen grab?
Nope. But I know who does.
Wanna know what I do to people who waste my time?
Oh, wow. Ooh, someone wants to play. Hey, you really British, or is that an accent filter? ‘Cause maybe we could meet up later.
I don’t have a burning desire to see your mum’s basement, thanks.
MAN: Got jokes, huh? Well, I got a map, shows the location of his stash house. Don’t know how you’ll get in, but if you do, clip 56 might interest you. Now, I got a question. What’s so special about this video clip anyway?
What’s special is I kill people who ask questions about it.
MAN: Mmm, I see. Fun. Yeah, that’s fun. Damn, girl, you’re so feisty. But seriously, is it loot or is it just the experience?
(GROANS)
Those are questions.
GUY: Did you see the sneakers on that last robber?
The 2:30?
GUY: No, the 4:00. The three-quarter high-top, gorgeous foam soles. I could barely feel it when he stepped on my face.
BUDDY: (CHUCKLING) Oh, man.
Wow.
BOTH: Life in the big city. Ain’t nothing like it.
FEMALE ROBBER: Give it to me!
BOTH: Looks like rain.
BOTH: Has anyone seen my cat?
(SINGING)
BUDDY: You know something, Guy, people say it all the time, like, “Guy can take a shoe to the face better than anybody I know.” (CHUCKLES) I mean, when you put it on there, you act like it’s not a shoe in your face.
(SINGING)
(FANTASY BY MARIAH CAREY PLAYING)
Don’t have a good day, have a great day.
GUY: Love that song.
(SONG STOPS)
That’s a new one.
(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)
(SIREN BLARING)
Hey!
GUY: That’s her.
Her who?
GUY: That’s my dream girl, Buddy. (CHUCKLING) She exists. I’m gonna go talk to her.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, man. She’s wearing sunglasses.
GUY: So?
Whatcha mean “so?” So, people with sunglasses don’t talk to people like us. You know that!
GUY: (WHISPERS) I gotta try.
Look, Guy! Guy! Guy! What about beers on the beach?
GUY: Excuse me! Hey! Hey!
ANNOUNCER: (ON SPEAKERS) Coming soon… Free City 2! Bigger! Badder! Radder! Free City 2: Carnage. Pre-order today and get the bonus Mayhem Pack.
WAITRESS: You done?
Sorry. Are you closing? (CHUCKLES)
Yes. We usually don’t put the chairs on the tables, one-small-coffeeover-four-hours girl. You really like that game, huh? My 12-year-old nephew’s addicted. Seems like everyone’s obsessed with it.
Oh, Free City? Ah. No. I, uh, have a lawsuit against the publisher and the evidence that I need is in the game. So then I had my codes…
Oh… I wish we weren’t closing so I could hear more about this.
(SIGHS)
(ALARM BEEPING)
GUY: Good morning, Goldie.
Medium coffee, cream, two sugars. Medium coffee, cream, two sugars.
GUY: Actually, I think I’d like to try a cappuccino today.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)
GUY: Ooh. “Cappuccino.” I enjoy saying that. It’s like a waterfall made of letters.
Excuse me?
GUY: I’d like to try a cappuccino. Please.
But you get a medium coffee, cream, two sugars. That’s what you get. That’s what everyone gets. Every day. Always.
GUY: Well, I…
Somebody’s about to get shot.
GUY: Officer Johnny.
GUY: I just thought I’d try something different today, you know? Whatever. Right? Yeah?
GUY: Hi.
GUY: Ha! I’m just keeping you on your toes. Coffee, cream, two sugars, please. I’m joking.
(ALL LAUGH)
GUY: Just keeping you on your toes. I was kidding.
MAN: He was just kidding!
GUY: Oh, you think I’d deprive myself of your baristic artistry? No way, no how. Mmm. That’s hot. (EXHALES) It’s like Jesus washed my tongue… but right before he finished, he finally told my dad, “He’s good enough.” (CHUCKLES, SIGHS) Thank you so much. Officer Johnny!
Have a good one, Guy.
(WHISPERS) Cappuccino.
GUY: Don’t have a good day…
(STAMP CLICKS)
GUY: …have a great day, I guess.
Okay. Good day to you.
Everybody down on the ground!
(WOMAN GASPS)
Nobody try to be a hero. This will all be over soon.
GUY: That’s the girl.
We’ve been over this. You tried to talk to her yesterday, it didn’t work. It will never work. She’s wearing sunglasses. We don’t mess with the sunglasses people.
GUY: Maybe I’ll get some sunglasses of my own.
What? What are you talking about? You can’t do that.
GUY: Oh, my God. What am I doing? Hi.
ROBBER: What’d you say?
GUY: Hi. I’m gonna need your sunglasses. Ooh. Ow. I’m just gonna… I’m gonna need your sunglasses for a sec.
ROBBER: What the hell do you think you’re doing?
Go back to your side, man.
He’s just an NPC. Waste that mother…
GUY: Okay, just need to borrow them for a sec, okay?
Back off! I said, don’t!
GUY: Just real quick. Real quick.
Stop!
(GRUNTING)
You broken or somethin’? I’m the robber! You’re the guy who lies down and takes it!
Please, just stay down!
(GROANS)
ROBBER: I said, stay down!
Guy, you don’t do this, man.
GUY: (PANTING)
This isn’t you. You don’t do this.
GUY: Maybe I do.
(GRUNTING)
ROBBER: What is wrong with this…
…stupid mission?
I told you to smoke his ass.
ROBBER: Let go!
GUY: I’ll give them right back.
I said… (GROANS)
(GUNSHOT)
(ALL GASP)
MAN: Guy?
GUY: He’s just resting.
BUDDY: In pieces! That man is dead!
GUY: (WHISPERS) He’s so sleepy. I’m just gonna put your gun down… right here… for when you wake. Okay?
BUDDY: Guy. Guy! Where you goin’?
GUY: (GASPING)
GUY: Excuse me. Do you see this?
Have the quarterly reports on my desk by Friday.
GUY: (GROANING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
GUY: Whoo! Oh! Giddy up! I feel brand new.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(GROANING)
AUTOMATED VOICE: Loser.
(BEEPS)
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
GUY: What is happening? (GASPS) So much money.
KEYS: Hey, Mouser, check this out.
MOUSER: What’s up, Keys? What am I looking at?
Okay, so this user, he gets his glasses stolen and then killed. The guy was smoked by a non-playable character.
An NPC? That’s impossible.
Yeah, exactly. Nobody can equip an NPC skin on their avatar.
Yeah, so you just boot the trash-ass noob and ban him for life, you’re done.
I tried that, but I… I can’t trace him. Whoever it is, they’re good. (SIGHS)
Hmm. You gotta be better at your job, buddy.
I’m pretty good.
I’ll see you on the inside.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Select your skin.
Hey, Keys, what skin are you going with?
The ushe. Dirty stripper cop, big guns, bigger mustache.
Hmm. Little dirt squirrel. I like it.
Almost scared to ask, but what are you going with?
Uh, full body mustache, hot pink. You should be very afraid.
I’m terrified.
(CHUCKLING) Let’s do this.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING)
KEYS: Seriously, man. I’m just being honest, I think the bunny suit is just a little much.
MOUSER: Excuse me?
Right. Rabbit. Okay? My fault.
Hey, 40-year-old virgin! Get over here!
KEYS: Let’s go!
MOUSER: Uh-huh. Captain Khakis.
Come here. Come on, bud.
KEYS: Go, let’s go.
Closer.
MOUSER: There he is. Blue shirt guy.
GUY: Blue shirt? Yes. Hello, Officer. Rabbit.
MOUSER: Nice skin.
GUY: Thank you. That’s sweet.
How’d you get it?
GUY: Well, uh, mostly genetics, I think. I’m pretty lucky. I have naturally dewy skin.
Listen up, Neutrogena. You know you can’t go around looking like that. The rules are clear. And another thing. You can’t hack the NPC avatars.
MOUSER: No, sir!
KEYS: It screws up the mission load…
MOUSER: Screws it up!
…and it makes the game look bad.
MOUSER: Horrible!
Yeah. (SPITS)
GUY: I got, like, 5% of that.
Lose the skin!
GUY: I… Lose? How am I supposed to get rid of my skin?
Take it off, man.
Just take it off. What are you doing?
GUY: What?
Seriously.
The whole thing. The face, the outfit.
GUY: How?
Everything. Ditch it.
Take it off.
If you don’t, we’re gonna kill you.
GUY: Why?
And we’re gonna keep killing you.
GUY: Still why?
Until we do find out who you are… and then we’re gonna ban you for life.
GUY: Okay. No, no. Okay, I want to comply. I just find the order of those threats very confusing.
Somebody’s about to get shot.
Light him up
(GASPS)
(GUN FIRING)
No.
(MAN GROANS)
KEYS: Come on, Blue Shirt.
(GRUNTS)
(SHOES POWERING UP)
(GASPING)
(GROANS)
Oh! Didn’t see that one coming. Did you see that one coming? Scared me a little bit.
We’re coming for you, Blue Shirt!
MOUSER: (IN SING-SONGY VOICE) Coming to get ya.
We’re coming to get ya.
(GROANING)
GUY: Wait! (GRUNTS) Wait! I can explain everything. I found these glasses and then I can see things now. Things that… Whoa, whoa. Things that aren’t there. Except they are there. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true!
You can run, Blue Shirt, but you cannot hide.
MOUSER: Come on, Blue Shirt. You can’t escape the rabbit. We’re apex predators.
(BEEPING)
All we do is bone and brawl and slit throats.
GUY: Too high! Too high! (GRUNTING)
MOUSER: Oh, you wanna play, Blue Shirt? Watch this. I tire of these games, Keys. It’s time I went god-mode on this beyotch.
Okay, bring it.
Oh, it’s brung. Go, go, go, go, go.
I’m so, so good at this.
(BEEPING)
KEYS: Time’s up, bank teller!
(GASPS)
(GUNS FIRING)
(PANTING)
(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC STOPS)
GUY: Nope!
(SCREAMS)
(GROANING)
(GRUNTING)
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS)
GUY: I can’t die! I’m never gonna die!
(TIRES SCREECH)
Whoo!
And that was the heartbreaking story of Blue Shirt Guy. The end.
Doesn’t make sense.
What?
I just checked the server stats. We killed Blue Shirt and the number of players online didn’t change.
It’s just a glitch, man. It’s not a big deal.
I know, I know. It just seems like that’s something new, you know?
Keys, I know what you’re thinking, okay? You should not talk to Antwan.
I just think it’s important to be transparent, okay?
Uh-uh. No. Antwan is deep in the sequel launch. He’s either not gonna care or he’s gonna get pissed and then he’s gonna blame us. So, I don’t know what you haven’t figured out about the whole situation. Also, aren’t you some kinda MIT genius, indie game designer? What are you doing down here dealing with complaints?
That, Mouser, is a long and pathetic story involving failed dreams, desperation, and a mountain of college debt. You do not wanna hear about that.
You’re absolutely right. That story sounds horrible and boring and full of white privilege. Don’t talk to Antwan.
KEYS: We never dreamt this would’ve happened. I mean, Life Itself, it’s essentially a fishbowl game. People aren’t playing it, they’re watching it grow. It’s a strictly observational experience where computer generated characters interact and evolve. I thought we’d be lucky to give it away.
That’s what’s so charming about Keys, he’s clueless about his own genius.
Uh, no, Millie is the genius. Uh, she built the AI engine from the ground up.
So, to get a little personal, what’s the thing that gets you up in the morning?
(SIGHS) Medium coffee, cream, two sugars.
(KEYS CHUCKLES)
What’s the other thing? Oh, yeah. An insatiable thirst for validation.
She’s not kidding.
I’m not.
REPORTER: How about you?
(CLICKS TONGUE) Code.
REPORTER: Code?
Code.
Code, yeah.
Here we go.
KEYS: ‘Cause it’s not just zeros and ones, it’s hidden messages. I like to think of myself, actually, as not a code writer, but an author. I just use zeros and ones instead of words ’cause words will let you down. But zeros and ones, never. Zeros and ones are as cool as shit.
He’s not kidding.
I’m not.
REPORTER: Now, I’ve gotta ask. There is a lot of chemistry between the two of you. Has this evolved into more than…
MILLIE: No. (CHUCKLES) No way. No. It’s strictly platonic.
No, no, no. We’re friends.
We’re like best friends.
Friendship.
And now your game is gonna be released by Soonami, one of the biggest publishers in the world.
It’s crazy, actually.
It is, yeah.
It does seem a little bit like an unlikely pairing, though.
KEYS: Yeah, I didn’t totally get it either. But Millie’s got a real instinct for these things…
MILLIE: Antwan is a genius. He’s brash and obnoxious, but he’s really good at what he does. It’s a chance for our work to be seen by a wider audience.
God, those two were young and dumb.
Jeez. So we’re breaking and entering now?
How does it feel working for a galactic black hole of frozen shit?
You have to leave. I can’t talk to you.
Aw, shame will have that effect.
No, Millie. I mean I can’t talk to you. I can’t even see you. I’m literally focusing on background objects because looking at your lips move violates my NDA and it could get me fired.
Aw, fired by Antwan, the guy who stole our work?
No, he bought it and then he shelved it. All right? You’re living in the past. You are stuck. You gotta move on.
How can I move on? How can you? Antwan swiped our AI engine to use in his dumb shooter.
Did he, Millie? Because honestly, I’m not so sure. Our game was complex and beautiful and interesting and Free City, it may be popular, but it’s so idiotic, it makes me wanna cry.
Then stop defending him and help me beat his ass.
Millie, I’m…
Come on, Keys, he stole from us. And now he’s lying about it so he doesn’t have to give us the credit and the royalties that we deserve.
Millie…
I found a clue. It’s on a clip in a gamer’s stash house. All I need from you is to get me in there.
Millie, I care about you… but you need to leave.
(GASPING)
(ALARM BEEPING)
GUY: Today is gonna be different, Goldie.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
What are we lookin’ at?
(GROANS)
Who are you?
Okay, okay. Okay.
We ran into each other the other day, you were humming that great song.
Oh, yeah.
I thought you were an NPC. How did you find me?
I waited outside by the murder train, then I followed you.
(GUNS FIRING)
Shit!
Should I come with you?
Yes.
(GRUNTS)
Holy hell, what just happened?
MOLOTOVGIRL: What just happened is you almost blew my mission.
No, I mean, how did we get from there to wherever this is?
You mean the portal gun?
Portal gun? That sounds expensive.
Wow, you are a special kind of noob.
Thank you. You too.
Turn around.
Okay.
(BEEPING)
(OLDIE MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh.
Is this the North Pole?
MOLOTOVGIRL: Listen, dude.
GUY: Guy.
Guy. Whatever.
Props on the NPC outfit, but I’m busy trying to figure out how to steal something.
GUY: Maybe I could help you.
I work alone.
You have beautiful grenades.
Besides, if you want to have any chance of making an impact here, you need to have a higher level than that.
(EXHALES) That’s tough. No.
No.
Higher level?
Good Lord, rook.
See?
Oh.
That’s mine.
And that’s yours.
Oh… What, is one the best or the worst?
There is literally nothing lower.
Well, how do I get to a higher level?
Really?
Really.
You know, get stuff.
Yeah.
Are you kidding me right now?
Okay.
Experience, guns…
Yeah.
Put that down.
Uh-huh.
Money. This is Free City.
You could rob a store, carjack someone, punch a pedestrian in the face. You’ll figure it out.
Oh, I’d never hurt innocent people. (CHUCKLES)
Hmm. I’ve got to admit that is kind of refreshing.
Sometimes I forget not everyone you meet on here is a sociopathic man-child.
Thank you.
Wait. But the world isn’t that bad though, is it?
Oh! It’s pretty bleak.
If you ever met the dick responsible for this world, you’d agree.
Are we talking about God? You’ve met God?
And he’s a dick?
His name’s Antwan, and yes, he’s an absolute troll.
Trolls exist?
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Look, I don’t know if anybody does it, but you could rack experience points up by being a good guy.
Like a hero.
Ooh. Easy, tiger.
If you don’t wanna shoot people, you could steal their guns.
All that shit makes your level go up.
Go be the good guy.
Okay. No, I’m gonna be the great guy.
MOLOTOVGIRL: Ooh! Ooh.
Okay, well, enjoy your lifetime supply of virginity.
(GUY CHUCKLES)
Off you go.
Okay. Wait! How will I know that I’ve leveled up enough?
Uh, get over 100, then we’ll talk.
Whoa.
Bye now.
That’s so much more than one.
It’s like 99 more…
Bye now.
Okay.
(EXHALES, CHUCKLES)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIRENS BLARING)
(MAN SCREAMS)
(MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING)
Hi.
(GASPS)
(ALARM BEEPING)
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(GUNS FIRING)
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
(ALARM BEEPING)
(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)
Thanks, Guy.
(LAUGHING)
(BEEPING)
Good morning, Goldie.
Good morning, Goldie.
Good fucking morning, Goldie.
I have three words for you. Blue Shirt Guy.
BSG is leveling up and at a record pace by playing the hero.
It’s got people all over the world asking, “Just who is this guy?”
I don’t know who this guy is, but he’s out-skilling all these players.
GAMER: And here he is, taking out Beefoven, a level 102 from Clan Ragnarok.
This is bullshit. Who is this guy?
I don’t know, but he’s good.
Yeah, he’s good. He looks like an NPC but he’s running around, leveling up crazy fast by being the freaking good guy.
ALEX TREBEK: “This colorful character in the video game Free City “has been turning heads by being the good guy.”
Piper.
Who is Blue Shirt Guy?
ALEX TREBEK: You’re absolutely right.
Blue Shirt Guy. Who is he or she indeed?
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Whoo-hoo! (CONTINUES WHOOPING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(SPEAKING JAPANESE) There’s a worldwide craze that has captured kids’ hearts-Blue Shirt Guy!
Hello, Hinata.
You have a great outfit.
Don’t have a good day, Have a GREAT day!
Crazy awesome!!!
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)
(GRUNTING)
(GUN CLICKS)
Well, well, well. Look who decided to come to work today, huh?
Look, where have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you…
What is this shirt?
Where’s your collar at? Where’s the rest of the buttons?
And it’s not tucked in. You look sloppy.
Matter of fact, you look horrible. Did you pick up some muscles, too?
Or is somebody outside pumping you up?
I’m sorry that I haven’t been around, Bud.
I’ve been figuring some stuff out.
Whatcha mean, “figure stuff out”? It is nothing to figure out.
Okay? You go to bed, you wake up, you get some coffee, then you come to work.
And then you repeat the same thing tomorrow.
The girl.
Oh, my God.
I talked to her. I talked to her.
The one with the sunglasses?
The sunglasses, yes!
I talked to one of the sunglass people and now I’m one of the sunglass people.
(DOOR OPENS)
Me.
(GUN COCKS)
ROBBER: Everybody down on the ground!
You’re so hot.
What if I could tell you that you could be more?
Your life could be fuller.
That you’re free to make your own decisions. Your own choices.
Yo, dumbass.
We are in the middle of something.
Uh…
(TUTTING)
(WHISPERS) That’s my gun.
(TUTTING) Quiet time.
These puppies changed my life. And they’re gonna change yours, too.
Come on now, you know we don’t wear sunglasses.
(LAUGHS)
(WHISPERS) We do now.
Mine now.
Are you kidding me?
Put ’em on.
No.
Life doesn’t have to be something that just happens to us. All right?
Just put the glasses on and you’re gonna see.
You’re gonna see.
Come on.
I can’t, okay?
I’m sorry.
I’m keeping these, asshole mouth.
Now get out of here. Go be nicer.
Beat it. Go, go, go.
Don’t walk, run.
And you… (EXCLAIMS)
Ugh.
(CLATTERS)
Sorry.
Um, you could do so much better than that guy.
You could be with, like, a good guy.
Or maybe I don’t have to be with any guy.
Right? Exactly. Most of them are awful.
They really are.
Terrible.
Yeah, do whatever you wanna do.
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
You’re my best friend, Buddy.
And you don’t have to be scared.
If you change your mind, I’ll be around.
MOUSER: Yo, Keys, our Blue Shirt Guy is everywhere.
KEYS: I know.
MOUSER: Who is this guy?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON RADIO)
I’m here.
I really appreciate this, Keys.
KEYS: Okay. Just to be clear, all I’m doing right now is opening the door.
If this clip really does prove that Antwan reused our code illegally, go find it and get out.
Player’s doing the jewelry store mission in midtown.
That gives you 5 minutes.
And go.
Keys, you’re a goddamn genius.
KEYS: Really?
I’m sitting on the toilet right now, stealing user codes, so I don’t exactly feel like one.
Oh, you never have.
Good thing I know better.
KEYS: All right. The clip you’re looking for should be on the wall to your left.
Thanks for the assist.
You got it.
I hope it has the proof you’re looking for.
(ALARM BLARING)
Keys! I need your help!
He’s got that place booby-trapped with spawn points.
Millie, I can’t help you.
(MOTORBIKE REVVING)
(MEN GRUNT)
Blue Shirt Guy?
It’s a Henley. Was that cool? It felt really cool.
You look really pretty. Wow, this house is so nice.
What are you doing here?
I was trying to steal a video clip, now we’re trying not to die.
Who are you talking to?
You know, that player in the NPC skin.
Millie, there are no other players in that house.
(GROANS)
That actually hurt my hand.
Get down!
(YELLS)
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(CAR HORN HONKS)
(BONE CRACKS)
(GROANS)
(YELLS) I’m sorry! Oh, God! (GAGS)
We’re doing great.
(REVVING)
Wow!
(GRUNTS)
We should definitely go!
Oh, shit!
Is that a Glock in your pocket?
No.
What?
It’s two Glocks.
Oh!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(MEN GROANING)
(ROMANTIC MUSIC RESUMES)
I don’t suppose this thing can fly.
(LAUGHS) No.
Jump.
Wow!
Whoa! (LAUGHING)
(EXHALES)
Oh, shit.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Good morning, sheeple!
Oh, you are fired.
There is some concern with the bloody zombies, retailers won’t carry the game.
Cut it. It’s out. Never even happened. Next.
It’s your lawyers. They need to get your deposition…
Speak. Which lawsuit are we talking about?
Millie, Millie Rusk? No sweat.
That will never see the inside of a courtroom… because she’s got no proof and her ex-partner works for me.
We’re golden.
Antwan, hey. You look great.
Uh, I thought you were still at Burning Man.
Oh, does it look like I’m still at Burning Man?
You, you, you…
No. So, shut your stupid, bearded face and listen.
You heard about the asshole running around in the game who looks like an NPC?
Yeah, yeah. We call him Blue Shirt Guy. But we’re gonna get rid of him.
Don’t get rid of him. People like him. It’s all over social media. No.
In fact, know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna use the skin in Free City 2.
Oh, art nerds! We’re gonna make some upgrades to Blue Shirt, all right?
‘Roid him out. Make him a hitman or something.
Antwan, we’re already way behind porting over the skins from Free City 1.
ANTWAN: Skins? Don’t even worry about that.
They won’t be usable in Free City 2.
KEYS: Antwan, you told the fans…
Free City 2 is backwards compatible. It was in the commercial.
You said there’d be the same characters in the sequel.
Well, here’s the thing. When I said that, I was lying.
Listen, Antwan, the game is already buggier than ever.
I got a stack of user complaints, like a mile high.
Look, I know it sucks.
But the IP recognition is rock hard. Okay? So don’t even worry about it.
I’m just saying, we could make an original game.
ANTWAN: What?
Make an original? Why would I do that when I could make a sequel?
A sequel.
So we can make it better?
IPs and sequels, that is the thing that people want.
Let me ask you a question.
Okay.
You love Kentucky Fried Chicken, right?
MOUSER: Mmm-hmm.
No.
If you love Kentucky Fried Chicken, and I make Kentucky Fried Chicken, and I know that you love Kentucky Fried Chicken, why would I make another restaurant called, uh, I don’t know, “Albuquerque Boiled Turkey”?
Okay? Makes no sense, homie.
MOUSER: Mmm-hmm. No sense.
What am I gonna give you? A sequel. Kentucky Fried Chicken-Chicken, Part Two.
MOUSER: Uh, yum. Drop the deuce on him.
Come on. Come here. Come here.
I don’t want you to stress that glorious shampoo commercial head of yours about it.
Free City 2 is gonna be jumunjious.
That’s not a word.
You sure you don’t wanna bump up to programming?
I know you got the brains for it.
No thanks. I’m good right where I am.
Love it. Fear of flying. Can’t say I can relate.
But all good with me if I don’t have to pay you more.
Antwan out.
(SIGHS)
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
Who is this guy?
MOLOTOVGIRL: Wow!
GUY: I took your advice.
I leveled up.
Impressive.
Why are you doing all of this?
You know, I guess I felt… trapped.
You know, in my life.
I just felt so…
Stuck.
Yeah. And then I saw you.
Then I saw you.
Who are you?
I’m Guy.
No, who are you really?
Still Guy.
All of this, leveling up so fast.
Giving this whole world the finger.
How are you pulling this off?
I’ve never given anyone any of my fingers.
(CLICKS TONGUE, WHISPERS) You work at Soonami, don’t you?
No.
You’ve got an inside track.
I work at the bank.
Right. The bank.
So, you’re just this incredible hacker who happens to work at the bank.
Yes, I work at the bank.
Where did you get that skin?
It’s always sort of been there.
Why do people keep asking me that question?
I don’t know, why do they?
No, no. Not doing that. I…
What’s happening right now?
I don’t know, but I don’t buy it.
No.
Okay, fine. I’ll forget it.
Fine. Good.
I’ll let it go.
Yes.
Great.
We all have our secrets, I guess.
Yes, we do.
Hey.
Do you like ice cream?
MOLOTOVGIRL: I can’t believe I’ve never been here.
Well, it’s sort of a secret.
That’s why me and my buddy, Buddy, always come here. It’s quiet and safe.
Yeah, it makes sense.
No missions here.
Oh, you gotta try this. You’re gonna think I’m crazy.
This is my favorite flavor in the whole world.
We’ll take two of the usual, please.
ICE CREAM VENDOR: You got it, Guy.
It’s bubble gum flavor.
You think I’m crazy, don’t you?
Guy…
Get out of my brain hole! I love bubble gum ice cream.
No, you don’t. Are you making fun of me right now?
No! Nobody likes bubble gum ice cream.
No, I do.
I had a relationship end over bubble gum ice cream.
No way. Here.
Yeah.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Mmm.
How good is that?
You can taste it?
Taste it? It’s like my tongue had a baby with a sunrise.
MOLOTOVGIRL: Mmm-hmm?
Mmm.
Coffee used to be my favorite food, but compared to this, it tastes like liquid suffering.
(LAUGHS)
What?
(LAUGHING)
Nothing. You’re funny.
I am?
Yeah.
Weird funny. (CHUCKLES)
But that’s kind of my speed.
Weird funny, that’s totally my speed, too.
Great.
Yeah. I know a joke.
A weird funny joke. You wanna hear it?
Please.
Okay.
A homosexual and a man in a wheelchair are trying to murder a very small child…
The cripple says to the homosexual…
Whoa. Stop, stop.
Stop! Where did you hear that?
A robbery. The gunman told it to the driver who thought it was hilarious, so I memorized it and told everyone.
Word of advice?
Don’t crib your jokes from the trolls of Free City.
Trolls?
Is that a swing set?
Holy…
MOLOTOVGIRL: Okay, this is too weird.
Vintage Mariah, bubble gum ice cream, and now swings?
This is too weird.
I thought the same thing, too.
I thought the same thing.
When I was younger, I was obsessed with swings.
Growing up in my family, it was…
(SIGHS) You don’t wanna hear this. No.
Oh, I wanna hear everything.
(HESITATES) Oh.
Growing up in my family, it wasn’t good enough to be great.
You had to win, and that pressure, you know, it was just constant.
But when I was in the backyard on that little swing…
You know that moment, that split second between rising and falling, when you’re totally weightless, it feels like you’re free.
In love.
Free. What you said. Yeah.
I really wanna kiss you. Is that weird?
You want to kiss me?
I wanna kiss you so badly.
You want to kiss me badly?
No!
No?
No, no, no, no, no. I wanna kiss you well.
I mean, I’m an idiot, so I say things like an idiot sometimes.
No, you’re not. You’re not.
I mean, um, uh, if you know how to, go for it.
I know how.
Okay.
Here it goes.
(SILENCE DESCENDS)
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
That was so much better than ice cream.
(CHUCKLING)
Whoa!
I think someone’s at the door.
I’ll say.
Well, this was great.
Yeah, it was.
Let’s meet up again sometime soon. Yeah?
Yes. Definitely.
Maybe in the real world.
What?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay. Bye.
Okay.
Bye, Molotov.
Hey… my real name is Millie.
My real name continues to be Guy.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
KEYS: Millie, open up! Millie, it’s me, it’s Keys! Open up! Come on!
(CONTINUES KNOCKING) Millie! It’s me, open up!
What?
You were right.
You were right.
Oh, come on in.
You were right. Our code, it is in Free City and, Millie, it works.
Yeah, I know. But we don’t have proof.
KEYS: Just forget about that for one second.
I’m saying that our game, Life Itself, where characters would grow and change and feel real…
Yeah?
…worked.
Keys.
The AI worked.
It’s the reason why Free City is so realistic and people love it so much.
And of course it doesn’t look the same.
There’s no waterfalls, there’s no butterflies and unicorns, all the characters have different skins. Of course they do.
But the underlying code in the game is the same. Our code.
And Guy, I mean, he has evolved way further than we thought was even possible.
Wait, are you talking about the hacker in the NPC skin?
Millie, I’m talking about the fact that Blue Shirt Guy…
MILLIE: Yeah?
…is not a player.
He is an algorithm who thinks he’s alive.
I mean, hell, technically, he is alive.
He is the first real artificial intelligence.
(EXCLAIMS) No! No.
KEYS: I know.
No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah.
Guy? My Guy?
KEYS: Guy.
One who has been…
Your Guy?
Holy…
KEYS: This is a good thing.
No, it’s really bad.
Millie, his code, it’s thousands of times the size it should be.
We did it, Mills.
We did it. Everything that we wanted to create, it actually happened.
Okay? Did you know that the NPCs have private lives?
One of the baristas learned how to make a cappuccino through trial and error.
I mean, that’s really difficult. I can’t even do that.
I can’t even froth my own oat milk in the morning.
And the Bombshell character in the game wrote a memoir that’s a searing indictment of gender roles, the patriarchy…
It’s a little preachy in parts, but overall, it’s pretty good.
Millie, we have to celebrate!
No, this can’t be happening.
What are you talking about?
This is what we’ve been working for!
No, I let him kiss me!
So, yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
I’m sorry, wait, you let who kiss you?
MILLIE: Guy.
Guy?
The first time I kiss a non-toxic guy in like forever and of course he’s not even real!
Uh, there’s not a button for that.
Oh, he found the button.
Okay.
MILLIE: Yeah.
I am… I’m so confused.
Why is it so hot?
KEYS: And surprisingly curious.
(CHUCKLES) You let an artificially intelligent video game character kiss you?
Oh, okay,
can you just stop saying it like that?
And then you thought that would be…
Because you have got to meet him, Keys.
He’s funny, and he’s sweet, and he’s so handsome.
Oh, my God, now I’m saying it out loud.
Also, Millie, food for thought, he’s like four.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Really? You’re gonna do that?
Really.
Wow, you just made that really creepy.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Millie, put all that aside. Weird or not, when people find out about this, you could win a Nobel Prize. Oh, God.
What?
Oh, my God, if they see this…
MILLIE: What? What is it?
Oh!
KEYS: Antwan. What else? He’s lying. He lied about using our code, he’s been lying about the game being backwards compatible. I think he’s lying about Free City 1.
What are you talking about?
KEYS: Look. You see? There’s not one mission, not one location… I mean, there’s not even a single character from Free City 1 on here. Free City 2 is not an update…
It’s a replacement.
Exactly.
So when Free City 2 launches on Monday…
Blue Shirt Guy, all proof of our code, everything will be deleted.
He can’t do that. I mean, this is artificial life we’re dealing with. I mean, that’s insane. … We’re screwed.
Maybe not. If we can find our original build in the game, it’ll prove that Antwan used our code without properly licensing it. And we just have to find it before Free City 2 launches. We have 48 hours.
I’ve looked, Keys. You know I have.
I know you have. But now that we both know about Blue Shirt Guy, maybe he can help?
That would mean I’d have to tell him.
Millie, he’s not gonna exist once the sequel launches. His whole world’s about to end. Don’t you think he’d want a chance to save it?
ICE CREAM VENDOR: Here you go.
Thank you.
You got it.
MILLIE: Guy?
Hey! Hi!
Guy, we need to talk.
What’s going on with your voice? Where’s your Australian accent?
British.
I think I know an Australian accent when I see one.
I turned off the accent filter. This is me.
Good.
Look, I have to tell you something really important.
Are you married?
(GASPS)
No.
Oh, God.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
That would have been like the worst thing ever.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Maybe not the worst thing.
Huh.
I have to show you something.
Okay.
(DISTANT SIREN WAILING)
Wow! I always wondered what was in here.
ANNOUNCER: (ON SPEAKERS) Tune in to the Kill Cam for more of today’s highlights of every bloody, bullet-ridden corner of Free City.
PHYLLIS: (ON TV) Has anyone seen my cat?
GUY: Hey, that’s Phyllis. She’s always losing her cats.
And there’s Joe! He’s my friend, I know that guy.
I don’t get it. What is this place?
There is no easy way to say this, but this city is a game.
There’s no easy way to say this, I know it’s a game.
You taught me how to play it. (PLAYFULLY) Boop-boop.
MILLIE: Yes, you’re right, I did.
But it’s not just that it’s like a game. It is a game.
It’s a video game. And that’s all it is.
So the entire world is a game?
Yes.
And we’re all just players in the game?
Not exactly.
I’m a player.
All these people here are players. We live in the real world.
But you only exist here.
It’s why you can never leave Free City.
You’re what we call an NPC.
NPC.
The policeman and the muscular bunny rabbit, they called me that. What is an NPC?
ANNOUNCER: Let’s take…
Just watch.
…another look at that leaderboard.
ROBBER: (ON TV) Everybody get down on the ground!
BANK MANAGER: (ON TV) Nobody try to be a hero.
This will all be over soon.
I don’t understand.
MILLIE: You’re a non-player character.
GUY: Non…
MILLIE: A background person.
Someone designed to make the game more fun for real people.
Wait, hold on a second. Just stop for a second.
I wanna make sure I’m getting this straight.
I just wanna fully understand here.
So, I’m fake?
The entire world is fake? I’m not even a main character, I’m just this idiot who’s in the background?
Millie, why are you even saying this? I love you.
You only think that because it’s in your programming.
MILLIE: Guy, I need you to listen to me.
In two days, the game is gonna shut down. For good.
When this sequel launches, this whole city, you, all the people in it who aren’t players,
they’ll be gone forever. You need to listen.
My whole life, I felt like there had to be something more.
And then I saw you.
And I knew I was right. I was right!
And for a second, I felt amazing.
I know.
Except you don’t know.
Because we’re not the same.
Isn’t that what you said? You said that.
We’re not the same.
You’re real.
And I’m what? I’m what?
You’re not.
You’re not.
Well, I may not be real, but for a second there… I felt pretty alive.
(DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(DISTANT FIRING)
(DISTANT EXPLOSION)
(GRUNTS)
(SNIFFS)
(GRUNTING)
(SIREN WAILING)
(DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES)
(WAVES RUSHING)
(PANTING)
(GRUNTS)
(DISTORTED BUZZING)
(SHOUTING) It’s all a lie!
BUSINESSMAN: Have the quarterly reports on my desk by Friday.
Quarterly reports. My, what specific business lingo.
Wow. Life in the big city. Ain’t nothing like it.
Until it crushes your soul.
(DREAMER SHOUTS)
Has anyone seen my cat? Has anyone seen my…
Your cats? No, Phyllis, I haven’t seen them.
But here’s a revolutionary idea… close your goddamn door.
It’s not like they’re climbing on top of one another, forming a little kitty tower, and then jimmying the locks.
They don’t have thumbs, Phyllis.
No thumbs!
(LOUDLY) Don’t you get it? Don’t any of you get it?
None of this matters! None of it! It’s fake! We don’t matter!
That building, that’s fake! This street…
(STOMPS) It’s fake!
That car…
(CRASHES)
(BODY THUDS)
(PAINFULLY) Officer Johnny!
Have a good one, Guy.
(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING DISTANTLY)
BUDDY: Oh, hey, uh…
Come in.
(CLOCK TICKING)
BUDDY: Here you go.
Thank you.
Buddy,
what would you do if you found out that you weren’t real?
What do you mean?
Pretend with me.
Okay, so… (CHUCKLES)
Can I pretend I’m a ghost?
Sure.
Oh. Do I look like how I look like now? Or whenever I die?
Like, do I have a funeral outfit on?
This is kind of funeral…
Doesn’t matter.
(RAMBLING) …but even though it’s a work uniform, ’cause I got a tie on.
Let’s move on from the concept, okay?
Got it. (LAUGHS)
I’m not a ghost. I’m very disappointed, but I get it.
Yeah.
I’m me, who I am right now, and I’m just trying to help a friend.
I say, okay, so what if I’m not real?
I’m sorry. “So what?”
Yeah. So what?
(SCOFFING) But if you’re not real, doesn’t that mean that nothing you do matters?
What does that mean? Look, brother, I am sitting here with my best friend, trying to help him get through a tough time.
Right? And even if I’m not real, this moment is.
Right here, right now. This moment is real.
I mean, what’s more real than a person tryin’ to help someone they love?
Now, if that’s not real, I don’t know what is.
Do you know the other security guards?
I know ’em all. Why?
Hey, Buddy… let’s not have a good day… let’s have a great day.
BUDDY: Guy, what are we doin’ here?
GUY: We’re here to get a video clip for my friend Millie.
Does this look intimidating?
I don’t know, Guy. How do you hold this thing?
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
GUY: You have something I want.
And you’re gonna hand it over.
(SQUEAKING)
How’d you get in here?
BUDDY: Easy. I know your security guard.
Jimmy?
His name is Luigi.
So if you took some time to learn his name… maybe he wouldn’t turn on you so quick.
I need a video clip, and you’re gonna give it to me.
Wait a minute, are you…
Are you Blue Shirt Guy?
Yeah, maybe.
(EXCLAIMS) Holy shit! You’re Guy! You’re Blue Shirt Guy! It’s you!
Yeah.
REVENJAMIN: I love you.
You do? (LAUGHS)
I mean… I’m like a fan. You’re awesome.
You can have anything you want.
Wait, hold on one second.
Gamers, listen up, this is Revenjamin Buttons here.
I’m here with Guy.
The Guy, he’s in my stash house, and he’s here to rob me.
(LAUGHS) Can I get a little…
“what-what” for my followers, Guy?
What?
Perfect. All right, so what’s happening is…
Guy’s looking for a clip… showing a walkthrough I did to get to the secret level.
Who are you talking to?
(STIFLING LAUGHTER)
I’m sorry.
Who am I talking to? It’s just such a classic Guy line.
Right? (LAUGHS)
You’re good. Oh, anyway…
And you, you tried to steal it from me with that Molotov chick.
(THROUGH SPEAKERS) Her name’s Millie.
KEITH: Yeah. Wait, who?
GUY: Millie.
(WHISPERING) I think it’s going really well.
I know. This is literally the first time I took my gun out the holster.
Totally. Right?
Guy, I tried to go back through, but the glitch is patched.
And I never found it again.
So I’m the only one that ever saw what was on the other side.
But it’s all here, check it out.
It’s pretty cool actually. It’s like a whole other world.
This is it? This is the game clip?
Yeah, that’s it.
(GASPS) Can you do one, single, just one solid for me?
One thing, I’ll stop asking, okay?
Yeah.
Just say my catchphrase.
My viewers will just banana cream sandwich all over themselves if you say it.
I love banana cream sandwiches.
REVENJAMIN: Maybe not this banana cream sandwich.
Yeah, this one.
Okay, perfect. Okay, so just say, “You know what time it is?”
You know what time it is?
You know what time it is?
You know what time it is?
You know what time it is?
(IN DEEP VOICE) You know what time it is?
REVENJAMIN: You know what time it is?
(THREATENINGLY) You know what time it is?
It’s crime o’clock, baby. Yeah.
It’s crime o’cl…
But, no, I can’t say that. That’s…
Okay. It’s all right. I’ll say it myself.
All right, you know what time it is?
No.
It’s crime o’cl… (SHOUTS) Mom!
Mom! Are you serious with the… vacuum right now?
You really have to do that here? I’m saying my… catchphrase! Everybody’s watching!
God!
MOM: (SHOUTING) You’re 22,
living in my house, there is no God!
Sorry, Guy.
Thank you, Mr. Buttons. We’re gonna go.
No, no, no! No, you gotta kill me.
I’m sorry, what?
You gotta kill me. Please kill me.
Give it to me, Daddy. Give it to me! (EXCLAIMING)
No. Please don’t do that. Please don’t do that.
We’re not gonna hurt anybody. I’m a good guy.
What? What’d you say?
That’s deep.
No, it’s not.
That’s like I can taste you, deep.
I want your help, Buddy. I don’t have the safeword.
I know what you want.
I don’t want that.
Yeah, you do.
That’s touching.
They’re touching.
Yeah.
I know what you want.
Yes, I do.
You want a little bit of that Free City Itchy Kitty.
No.
Uh-huh. Yes, you do.
GUY: The way you move, it’s almost dirty.
What about a little Thanos Glove… into a little bit of Thanos Snap?
Oh. That looked like it hurt.
Yeah, a little bit.
A little Sunday Drive.
GUY: You have a beautiful home.
Snakey Man? No? No Snakey Man?
GUY: Bye, Mr. Buttons.
Come on, give me one snake! Just come on, man.
(SHOUTING) Mom! Do not touch that sock!
I swear to God, if you touch that sock… you will be in therapy for the rest of your life!
No! That’s my special sock! Put it down!
GUY: Millie, please.
Please wake up from your standing coma.
Look, I know this world is just a game to you and you can come and go, but to me… this place, these people, that’s all I have.
And if I can help you save it, I wanna do that… but you gotta wake up, please.
Millie, I’m sorry for running away.
Guy?
(YELPS)
Oh, that’s so scary! It’s just terrifying.
MILLIE: I know, I know.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
Look, you may have started out living in the background, but so did I.
We’re done with that.
I got you a present.
I didn’t have time to wrap it.
MILLIE: What?
(HELICOPTERS WHIRRING)
(EXCLAIMING)
(GRUNTING)
(THROUGH SPEAKERS) They say over a billion NPCs are killed every year.
Now, I’m not gonna lie, that’s at least 50% my fault.
GAMER: I used to shoot all the secondary characters when I was bored, you know?
And then, I’d teabag ’em a little bit.
Who the hell even knows who this Blue Shirt Guy is?
But I’ll tell you this, he’s got me thinkin’ about NPCs and how I play the game.
The game wasn’t even made for someone like this, for a player to be a good guy.
He’s also a really cute guy.
And not just the face, you know, like the whole thing. (GIGGLES)
And, honestly, it’s got me realizing… maybe we’ve been thinking about NPCs wrong this whole time.
I think Blue Shirt Guy’s like a symbol, you know?
Like, maybe people can be whatever they want.
He’s like an icon. Is that the right word?
Like, he reminds us of what’s possible.
Also, he’s like crazy hot.
Oh, my God, totally. I’d hit those pixels hard.
NINJA: We should all be more like Blue Shirt Guy.
Maybe we just stop the killing.
(GRUNTS, SHOUTS) He’s dead! You hear me?
The guy, put him up here.
Put him up here on the screen. Put him on the screen.
Make me see him. There he is.
Yes. There he is, the little do-gooder.
MOUSER: I thought you liked Blue Shirt.
Don’t say words to me!
People are so busy watching this loser on Twitch and YouTube.
You know what they’re not doing, guys?
Buying Free City 2.
Pre-sales are down 16%.
60.
60. That’s bad.
Oh, we are 48 hours from launch.
Yeah, he’s gone viral.
Yeah, a virus that’s giving me ass and ball cancer at the same time!
Inoperable!
(SIGHS) You know, this whole good guy routine… it is a bad influence, and is bad for the franchise.
I want him gone. I don’t care who it is, boot him.
You can’t.
Oh, I’m sorry, what?
You can’t.
Why not?
Because he’s not a hacker, Antwan. He’s an NPC.
You’re tryin’ to tell me that all this shit about a self-aware NPC is real?
Yeah. I don’t know how or why, but he’s real.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
What to do? What to do? Got it.
(GRUNTS)
And kip-up!
(GRUNTS, CLAPS)
So we can’t kick him out of the game.
How do we reset his AI? Ideas, people. Come on.
Hit me. Ideas.
MOUSER: You could just reboot the server.
(CLAPS) Keep talking.
If we reboot the server… then he’s just gonna revert back to a regular non-player guy.
Solution.
Antwan.
Antwan, you’re talking about terminating… the first confirmed artificially intelligent life-form right now, okay?
Honey, honey. Shush. (SHUSHES)
He’s losing me money.
So, I don’t care if he’s Arnold-Frickin’Schwarzen-Vader.
Terminate him. Reboot.
MOUSER: On it.
You can’t do that.
Reboot!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
ANNOUNCER: (THROUGH SPEAKERS) Order up and drown your bloodlust… with a tall glass of murder juice.
Here’s this week’s highlights.
He’s very expressive with his body.
Clearly.
REVENJAMIN: (THROUGH SPEAKERS) What is that?
It’s a whole new world over there.
Some kinda paradise and shit.
Oh, my God, that’s it.
It’s our original build and that build is proof our code is in the game.
You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this.
I’ve seen this place.
What?
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
Yeah.
What do you mean? How could you have possibly seen it? (DISTORTS)
Millie? Millie?
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(OMINOUS MUSIC RISING)
(DISTORTING, GLITCHING)
We’re dark. Free City is offline.
(SIGHS)
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
GAMER: What is happening?
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
(EXCLAIMS IN GERMAN)
ANTWAN: Bye-bye, Blue Shirt.
No, no, no.
(SIGHS)
(REBOOT MUSIC PLAYING)
(WHISPERS) It’s okay. Come on.
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
Come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
(ALARM BEEPING)
(SIGHS)
Good morning, Goldie.
(LAUGHS)
NEWS ANCHOR: (ON TV) Front of warm, dry gunfire… mixed with late afternoon stabbings… could leave you in the streets wet with the blood of innocents… by early Tuesday night.
(EXPLOSION)
What really is the difference between a light roast and a dark roast?
Nobody knows.
(FLASHES)
Don’t have a good day, have a great day.
Guy, can we talk?
How does the sunglass girl know your name?
I don’t know. Keep walking.
MILLIE: Come on, Guy! You know me.
You know this.
You said this clip showed a place you’d seen before.
I need to know where.
The data’s been erased, but it’s in your head.
Please try to remember. This is really important.
Please, Guy, think. The ice cream, the swings?
Oh, my Guy loves swings.
At Free City Harbor Park, there’s a great swing set there.
Have you been?
MILLIE: Yes.
We had bubble gum ice cream.
OMG, I love bubble gum ice cream!
He loves the bubble gum ice cream.
Yes, I know. We had it together, remember?
Please, Guy, you’re all I’ve got.
I’m sorry, lady. I think you have the wrong guy.
Don’t have a good day, have a great day.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
KEYS: (ON PHONE) I might’ve found something.
I’ve been going through Guy’s code and there is something there… even now, after the wipe.
What’s the point?
Guy was, like, a one-in-a-billion miracle. We can’t replicate that.
I tried, okay? You were right, it’s over.
No, Millie, Millie, you’re not listening to me, all right?
A reboot, it doesn’t erase his AI coding… you literally would have to destroy the servers to do that.
His AI is still there, it just needs to be accessed.
I’ve seen him, Keys. He’s forgotten everything.
Just look at the trace log I sent you.
It’ll explain everything.
(SIGHS)
(THROUGH LAPTOP) Now, from the beginning…
Guy’s behavior is much more complex than it should be, thanks to our code. (CHUCKLES)
But he’s still stuck in Free City. He’s still stuck in this life, this loop.
And then, something changes. He comes to life. Why?
And then I remembered.
One of the characters from Life Itself was this guy that I nicknamed Lovelorn.
And he was someone who was designed to never meet the right person.
It was essentially the building blocks of the character.
But he never stopped hoping that he would meet “the girl of his dreams.”
So I had to base this girl off of someone… and who better than the person that I was sitting next to every day?
You.
But then, one day… he meets you in Free City, and once he sees you… he can never be the same.
He was supposed to feel doomed, but instead, he feels alive… until eventually, he is alive.
You changed him, Millie.
You changed his code. And I think you can do it again.
You brought him to life, Millie.
You brought him to life.
And he was alive because he met the one person…
(TURNS VIDEO OFF)
Don’t have a good day… have a great day.
CUSTOMER: Thank you.
Take care. (CHUCKLES)
FEMALE VOICE: Everybody down on the ground!
Nobody try to be a hero. This will all be over soon.
Okay.
FEMALE VOICE: Everybody except you.
Door, door, door. I got it.
(GRUNTS) Please, I have a goldfish.
Look, I don’t have long.
I just took you hostage, so there are three badges on me.
GUY: Badges? Is that like a Girl Scout thing? What is that?
MILLIE: There is something inside you, Guy.
GUY: What? I don’t want anything inside of me.
MILLIE: They stuck you in that bank and… expected you to just follow the rules…
GUY: I love the bank.
…and do the same thing every day.
You are so much more than that.
I don’t wanna be more than that.
No, and I need you to remember it.
Why have you been following me and how do you know my name?
Put these on.
I don’t have to do anything that I don’t wanna do.
True. The choice is totally yours. (COCKS GUN)
Okay. Okay. Fine.
(GASPS)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
GUY: What is that?
What are these? Trick glasses or something?
Listen carefully.
In 24 hours, this world, everyone you know, it’s all gonna disappear for good.
Can you please just let me go?
I mean, I haven’t really even seen your face.
I mean, I’ve seen the general area, but I’m not really good with descriptive words.
Not really good with words in general.
(DISTANT SIREN WAILING)
Screw it.
What? Oh!
(GRENADE WHISTLES, EXPLODES)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)
(SOFTLY) I remember.
Welcome back.
No. I remember everything.
Come with me.
I do this every day so much, I’d forgotten why.
Do you see that?
Right there.
MILLIE: Oh, my God.
(EXCLAIMS) Oh, my God!
Antwan hid our original build past the horizon, making it invisible… but he forgot to scrub the reflections.
It’s still out there, Guy. We just can’t see it.
If we can get there, that is the evidence we need.
You can’t go past the water line. I tried.
We need help.
KEYS: Antwan found a way to hide it in plain sight in the one place no one can even get to.
(CONTINUES OVER PHONE) I can’t even believe he’s smart enough to be this diabolical.
Keys, I need you to focus.
Okay. So, the reflection shows the build past the southern horizon.
But the game physics won’t allow you past the beach.
But you think you can find a way to get us past the collision mesh?
KEYS: We’re gonna need a bridge.
You just get to Hitman’s Beach and I’ll figure out the rest.
And, Millie?
Be careful.
Antwan may be an asshole, but he’s not stupid.
He’ll figure out what you’re up to and he’ll throw everything he’s got at you.
You’re right.
(OVER SPEAKERS) Um, hi, Millie, and other person I can’t see… well, I have an idea.
What if he has nothing to throw?
GUY: Everyone! Gather around!
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Thank you for coming.
Now, you know me, I’m Guy.
NPCS: Hi, Guy.
GUY: Hi.
What I’m about to say may be hard to understand.
Really hard to understand.
But, are you sick of living in the background?
(NPCS AGREEING)
Aren’t you sick of being shot at?
Enough.
Taken hostage?
No more.
Run over?
We done with that.
Robbed? Stabbed? Used as a human shield?
(EXCITEDLY) We are tired of being stabbed!
Buddy!
Sorry.
What are you trying to say, Guy?
I’m tryin’ to say that things in this city don’t have to be this way.
Things can be different.
Different how?
For starters, you can put your arms down.
Yeah.
(GRUNTING)
GUY: There you go. You got it. Yeah.
Keep pushing. There you go.
(CONTINUES GRUNTING)
GUY: Breathe through it. There you go.
BANK MANAGER: Do it. Do it. Do it.
HOSTAGE: No, not gonna happen. Nope.
That feels unnatural.
I mean, what about when someone runs in with a gun?
Having my arms up is just a real time saver.
Except, what if the guy with the gun doesn’t come?
OFFICER JOHNNY: What?
OFFICER 2: What?
There’s always a guy with a gun.
So many guys with guns.
People, what if our world doesn’t have to be so scary?
What if we can change it?
Millie! How many times a day are the banks robbed in your world?
Hardly ever, Guy.
(NPCS EXCLAIMING)
GUY: What about corpses, Millie?
What?
GUY: You see a lot of those?
How many an hour?
None per hour, Guy.
GUY: What about gun violence?
See a lot of gun violence in your world?
Actually, that’s a big problem, Guy. (CHUCKLES) It’s a massive problem.
I didn’t see that coming.
It’s true. It really sucks.
The point is, we don’t have to be spectators to our own lives.
We can be whatever we want.
We can’t all be you, Guy.
That’s not true.
What’s inside of me is inside of you, too.
NPCS: What?
GUY: It’s inside of each and every one of you. You’re growing.
I need more in my life than drip coffee. I want to make…
A cappuccino.
A goddamn difference in the world.
Much, much better.
And a green tea boba.
Holy shit!
That’s right!
(NPCS CHEERING)
You go, girl.
Oh, my God, you’re amazing!
If I could just make it out past that water… there’s a world out there where we can be free.
Where we get to decide who we wanna be.
Where we can matter. But we have to fight for it.
We have to fight together.
NPCS: Yeah!
You guys have always done what’s expected of you.
But that shit ends today.
Yeah!
I don’t even know what’s happening right now!
But I love it!
(NPCS CHEERING)
BUDDY: I love it!
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
I love it!
I love it, too! Come on, guys, get in here!
Huddle up! Here’s what we’re gonna do! Everyone in!
(INDISTINCT EXCITED CHATTERING)
ROBBER: Everybody get down on the ground!
(FIRING)
Hello?
Where the hell is everybody?
Hello?
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
MAN: Where are all the NPCs?
LAZARBEAM: Look, I’ve been playing Free City for, like, three years now.
I’ve never seen anything like this.
Up until recently, I don’t even know if I’d have noticed a few NPCs going missing.
And I don’t know if this is just some whack Reddit theory… but some people are saying that Blue Shirt Guy isn’t even a player.
That he’s actual AI.
AI?
Actual AI. You know, alive.
It’s why Blue Shirt Guy is trending everywhere.
Antwan, if you’re watching this, please fix the game.
And most of all, bring back Blue Shirt.
ANTWAN: Oh, my God. My God!
JONATHAN: Antwan, you should see this.
REVENJAMIN: And you, you tried to steal it from me with that Molotov chick.
GUY: Her name’s Millie.
REVENJAMIN: Who?
GUY: Millie.
ANTWAN: Got her. Got her! Got you! Got you!
Mouser! Put him up on the screen. Now. Put him up.
That’s it. Come on, quicker.
Yes, there he is.
He’s joyriding around Free City with some player called Molotovgirl.
AKA Millie Rusk.
Millie Rusk? Isn’t that Keys’ old partner?
ANTWAN: Yeah.
Also the one who’s trying to hit me with this bogus lawsuit… ’cause she’s desperate for a piece of Soonami Kwan.
Boot Molotovgirl now.
I’m trying. I’m trying as hard as I can, but her account’s spoofed.
This woman is exceptional.
Then kill her in the game.
“What?” Yes, I said that. Kill her.
Throw everything at them, all right? Five badges, G.
Yeah, just one problem.
We don’t have anything.
Whatchu talking about, Willis?
We don’t have any defenses.
We don’t have police, military, no nothing.
It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.
It’s like every NPC went on strike.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Got a tall, half-caf, double foam oat milk, matcha latte with cinnamon!
That’s me.
Hey.
Thank you.
You’re welcome.
OFFICER JOHNNY: Cheers.
(ENGINE REVVING)
(NPCS CHEERING)
Go get ’em, Guy!
It’s like a digital walkout.
No, it’s not.
They’re doing this on purpose, it’s part of their plan.
You know what we’re gonna do? We’re gonna kill them in the game.
Turn off respawn, kill them dead, now.
But that means any players who die will be done for good.
They’ll freak out.
(WHISPERING) I don’t care.
Sir? Sir, just to be clear, are you telling me that it’s go time?
Are you looking for some sort of banter thing ’cause you think we’re friends now…
and we’re in some sort of gang together?
Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what I’m looking for.
Cool, we’re a team.
We should come up with a catchphrase, okay?
All right.
On three. One, two, three…
One, two, three…
(SHOUTING) Get back to work!
Someone find me Keys!
(ENGINE REVVING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(GUY WHOOPS)
All right, people, you heard him. It’s go time!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC RISING)
Okay, that’s not good.
(RUMBLING)
He knows where we’re going.
(SHATTERING)
MOUSER: All right, I got him. I got him. Don’t worry.
Want some four wheels to the face?
Take that. Boom!
(GRUNTS)
(CRASHING)
Rabbit’s coming for you. Apex predator.
GUY: Whoa!
(CARS CRASHING)
Here we go. Y’all watching this?
I’m about to end this fool.
(ENGINE REVVING)
(RUMBLING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY) Come on, come on, come on.
Keys, if you’re there, a little help, please.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(RUMBLING)
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
(ENGINE RACING)
(GUY GRUNTS)
(SHOUTS) God! Okay, who did that? Who is doing that?
Don’t play with me! Seriously! I’m under way too much pressure!
(RUMBLING, CRASHING)
Come on!
Go, go, go!
(SIGHS)
I just checked with security. Keys hasn’t left the building.
Oh, sounds like you’ve done everything possible.
Time to give up? You wanna give up?
No, I’m sensing you want me to keep looking.
Go.
I’ll be back.
I have no idea where these fools are running to.
I do. Southern shore. Hitman’s Beach.
MOUSER: Well, that’s stupid. There’s nothing out there but water.
Game physics won’t even let you get past the shoreline.
Unless there is something out there.
Antwan, is there something there?
Screw it. Art nerds.
Time for Dude.
We’re still working on him.
I worked on him myself. He’s perfect.
Drop in Dude now.
Just do it. He’s got, like, half a brain… he’s barely written, but sure, start the upload.
GUY: What are we supposed to do now?
MILLIE: Now Keys finds us a bridge.
ANTWAN: Come to collect those knives you stabbed in my back, bro?
You’ve been helping Millie Rusk this whole time.
She’s looking for your build.
What build, Antwan?
It’s not like you used our code anyway, right?
And if you didn’t use our code… then how can our original build be in the game, right?
Or am I missing something?
Leave us.
Okay, Keys, let’s have a real talk.
If I’d put out your dumb game, it would have bombed.
Antwan, you don’t know it would’ve failed.
Yeah, I do know.
I looked at the numbers, the tracking, the focus groups.
Has it ever occurred to you that some things matter more than numbers?
What matters more than numbers? Money?
Yo, news flash, bro, money is still numbers.
Nothing matters more than numbers!
You should be thanking me!
I should be thanking you?
What about the profits that you got from our work?
You chose your side, little Padawan.
And now, it’s time for you to take your place next to the Emperor.
You get me, bro?
Yeah, I get you… bro. (CHUCKLES)
Which leads me to this.
(ELECTRICAL WHIRRING)
Thanks, Keys.
What the hell was that?
Hey, Antwan, things are getting hectic.
ANTWAN: Oh, I thought you were smarter than this, Keys.
You’re obviously fired, you know that.
And you, what is she still doing in the game, man?
Boot everyone.
Hold up. You want me to boot all the players?
Boot them out of the game, now!
Cancel every player account!
And where the hell is Dude?
Security! Kick this punk out.
Guy!
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
Millie!
They’re taking me out.
What’s happening?
(VOICE GLITCHING) It’s on you now. Everybody’s watching.
You gotta keep going.
Wait, wait, wait! Will I see you again?
You will if you make it across that bridge.
Show the whole world our build. That’s the proof.
You do that, Antwan is done.
I’ll make it.
(GROANS)
I’ll make it.
What the hell?
What’s going on?
(SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(MAN SHOUTS IN MANDARIN)
All right, let’s all remember this moment, before we were fired.
Oh! (GRUNTS)
(GROANS) Wow.
Catchphrase.
MOUSER: Catchphrase?
What? I haven’t had time to think one up yet.
Although “catchphrase” as a catchphrase is a pretty cool catchphrase.
(DUDE GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS) Whoa.
Get up, Guy. Get up.
(GROANS)
Oh, no, no, no.
(SCOOTER HORN BEEPS)
Guy, I came to save you. (CHUCKLING IN AWE)
Who is this?
I don’t know.
He’s glorious.
(CHUCKLES)
I mean, he’s just like you… but way better.
(CHUCKLES)
Way, way better.
Thank you.
No, that’s not a compliment.
I wouldn’t touch him if I were you, Buddy.
What do you mean you don’t think I should touch him?
You don’t mind this, do you?
‘Cause I’m your buddy, too.
(SCATTING)
Yeah, I think he’s gonna… hit you.
He punches so hard.
But yet his hands are so soft.
Be strong.
Okay, bye.
Hey, it’s like I’m a feather to him. (LAUGHING)
(DUDE GRUNTS)
BUDDY: Whee!
Ha-ha! (GROANS)
(DUDE GRUNTING)
KEITH: Oh…
(INHALES SHARPLY)
No, no, no! No!
Get up, Guy, get up!
Playtime’s over. Catchphrase.
I don’t know what that means.
Come on, man. Get up!
Get up.
There are three things I love in life.
Kickin’ ass, TBD, third thing here.
(BOTH GRUNT)
Oof! Oh, shit!
(GROANING)
ANTWAN: Activate death blow.
Bye, Guy.
(EXHALING SHARPLY)
Oh, shit, that’s a death blow.
Get up!
Mom, he’s coming in with a death blow!
Get up, Guy.
(DUDE GRUNTS)
(HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS)
Oh.
What the shit?
(GASPS DRAMATICALLY)
(DUDE GRUNTS)
That was dope.
(AIR HORN TOOTS)
(YELLS)
Hold on. Is that…
That’s a…
Yes! That’s a lightsaber, Dude.
Mm-hmm.
(GUY GRUNTS)
Is that a lightsaber?
It is.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(DUDE GRUNTS)
(DUDE YELPING)
(BOTH GRUNT)
(GROANING)
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
Oh!
Guy!
(GUY GRUNTS)
Yes!
Yes! That’s right. Get up, Guy. Come on.
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING)
(STRAINING)
(DUDE CONTINUES GRUNTING)
(GASPS)
(GUY GRUNTS)
(BOTH GASPING)
GUY: There you go.
Do you see them all now? Yeah?
Uh-huh.
GUY: Yeah?
Yeah, shiny things everywhere.
Yeah, there you go. Go get it.
Just lots of little snacks.
(UPBEAT POP ROCK SONG PLAYING)
(DUDE CHUCKLING)
Yeah, not a dancer. No.
Run free, better me.
Let’s go.
Where are we going?
We can’t let them get across that bridge.
You wanna finish this out with me?
Look, I don’t even know what’s going on, but hell yes, I’m with you.
Ha-ha!
Let’s go!
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
Antwan, come on, man.
What are we doing here?
Where are the servers to Free City 1?
No. Antwan, what the hell are you doing?
If they get past that horizon to the build, I lose everything!
Wait, so you did steal their code.
ANTWAN: Welcome to the conversation, genius.
Now, where are those servers?
It’s all of these, but hold on. I’m trying to wrap my head around this.
All these? This one? Right, this one?
Yeah. How did you…
(ELECTRICAL WHINING)
Run.
(GRUNTING)
Antwan!
(ALL SCREAMING)
Stop!
(ALL WHIMPERING)
Officer Johnny!
Come on!
Come on!
Which server has the ocean and the rest of the bridge?
I’m not gonna tell you.
You’re just gonna destroy it.
Yeah. ‘Cause it’s my game.
Except it’s not. It’s Keys’ game.
You didn’t do shit.
And guess what? Keys is my boy.
Security!
Please escort this former employee off the premises.
He can call you by your real name.
(GRUNTING)
(BUDDY GASPS)
Guy!
Buddy! Buddy!
No, no! Keep going!
Go without me!
I’ve been scared my whole damn life.
But I’m not scared anymore.
I’m sorry.
I’m not.
It’s been the best day of my life.
You get to that build.
You show ’em we matter.
That security guard right there was a goddamn hero.
(SLOW VERSION OF FANTASY PLAYING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(CONTINUES GRUNTING)
(SONG FADES)
(SONG RESUMES)
(ALL CHEERING)
You did it! (GRUNTS, CHEERS)
Yes! Yes!
Suck it, Antwan! Whoo!
Antwan, stop!
It’s over.
He made it.
Got your game’s original build out there for everyone to see.
Probably win your lawsuit, huh?
Looks likely.
Cool.
And here’s the thing, bro. Here’s the thing.
Right here, I got everything you care about.
The sliver that’s left of Free City, all your little background friends… including your digital boyfriend.
Last server.
Look, I just want the world that I built and the people in it.
What’s in it for Antwan?
Everything else.
Meaning? Pretend I’m dumb.
You have the rights to our code, keep all the profits… just give me what’s left of Free City.
Let me build my own world from there.
What about Free City 2? Free City 3?
And all pursuant spin-offs?
All yours. Just put down the axe.
You know that this is, like, the dumbest deal in the history of dumb deals, right?
I mean, you’re talking about giving up millions of dollars.
Why would anyone do that?
‘Cause Keys and I made something great.
And I don’t need money or fame to prove that to myself.
I’m done playing your game, Antwan.
It’s time I played mine.
Deal?
LARA: Popping today and not in a good way.
Sales for Free City 2 continue to slip… with numerous reports of bugs in the code and lagging online play.
Embattled Soonami game founder Antwan Hovachelik finds himself in the crosshairs.
Crosshairs.
He’s in the crosshairs and embattled. (CHUCKLES)
We’re too busy to gloat.
I’m a victim! I’m a victim!
(KEYS AND MILLIE LAUGH)
Speaking of busy, we just doubled the amount of unique visitors we can handle.
It’s amazing.
Who’d have thought that so many people… would just wanna watch video game characters instead of shoot at them?
BOTH: Hmm…
Oh, yeah, we did.
Yeah. (LAUGHING)
You know, you’re pretty cute when you brag.
ANTWAN: Antwan out!
LARA: Meanwhile, the game Free Life is quickly becoming the little indie that could.
Players are swarming to this observational, fishbowl game… where they interact peacefully with the one and only Blue Shirt Guy… and is now no longer in the background, a digital friend.
Uh, hey, Mills…
Do you wanna come grab a coffee with me?
Actually, I’m gonna jump back into the game.
Oh.
(WHISPERS) Coffee?
Okay. Yeah. Sounds good.
I’ll just, uh, grab you one.
Oh, Keys, uh…
I know, medium coffee, cream, two sugars.
Yeah.
GUY: Hi, Randy. Milton.
MILLIE: Hmm.
GUY: I was wondering when I’d see you again.
(MILLIE CHUCKLES)
MILLIE: Yeah, life has been pretty crazy lately.
You should see it in here.
We’re talkin’ free bubble gum ice cream for life.
Wow. (CHUCKLES)
GUY: Hey, guys.
Look, Guy…
Wow, this is harder than I thought.
Then let me do it for you.
Guy… you are dreamy.
(CHUCKLES)
Your taste in blue shirts and five-octave musical superstars… it’s deeply, deeply attractive to me.
But I can’t keep spending all my time with you.
I created this world, but I can’t live my life in it.
See? Was that so hard?
So, what are you gonna do?
Anything I want. Thanks to you.
I’m not stuck in a loop anymore.
Neither are you.
I love you, Millie.
Maybe that is my programming talking, but guess what?
Someone wrote that program.
I’m just a love letter to you.
Somewhere out there is the author.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
(GASPS)
(GASPS)
(TYPING)
You brought him to life. You brought him to life.
And he was alive because he met the one person he’d been waiting for his whole life.
And I had to make it realistic, so… I based it off of… you.
The woman of his dreams… she was the same as mine.
So she liked bubble gum ice cream and swing sets… and she had this very cute but oddly specific habit… of always humming this classic Mariah Carey track.
Like, all the time, she would… repeat.
Finally!
Keys!
What are you…
(PEGASUS WHINNIES)
You okay, little guy Guy?
You seem adjective.
I’m great. I’m great. You could put me down, by the way.
Thank you. That was nice.
No, I’m great. You’re great, Dude.
I just miss my best friend.
(DUDE SIGHS)
We used to do the same walk together every day.
Except he wore a shirt. And could complete a full sentence.
I can bench press a sentence.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, that’s totally not the same thing at all.
(LAUGHS LOUDLY) Harder laughter!
Oh…
Guy?
Buddy!
No!
Oh, my God! Guy!
Buddy! I thought I’d lost you!
You didn’t!
One minute, I’m running on a crazy bridge to nowhere… thinkin’ my sweet mundane life is over.
The next minute, I’m like in some type of flyin’… and some like fairy dust, pixie dust… and then I plopped down into this slice of heaven.
Man, I love it here.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
In fact, a couple of days ago, I rode a centaur.
Now, it might sound weird…
I took a piggyback ride on a half-dude and a half-horse…
whatever a centaur is, I did it.
I rode a dude, too!
Friendly gesture!
So friendly!
Come on, bring it in!
Are we gonna hug?
I’m coming for you!
No, you’re not. I’m coming for you.
Yes, I am!
You come here!
I’m coming to you!
I’m reeling you in. I’m reeling you in.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Buddy, I missed you!
Hey, so where’s the bank?
There is no bank.
So what do we do?
Whatever we want.
(GUY CHUCKLES)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(FANTASY BY MARIAH CAREY PLAYING)
GUY: Hey, guys.
CENTAUR: Hey, Guy.(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
GUY: This is Free City. Look at this guy. He’s one of the sunglasses people. And the people who wear sunglasses are heroes.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC CONTINUES)
(GUNS FIRING)
GUY: They have a devil-may-care attitude and they run this town.
You are so hot.
Oh, I know.
GUY: See? That’s not even his car. Or his wife.
(GUNS CONTINUE FIRING)
GUY: For the sunglasses people, they get to do anything they want. They go on all sorts of missions. They got cool hair, cool clothes. I mean, laws aren’t really laws to them. They’re more like mild suggestions. Like, I don’t think he’s gonna return that car. Or that nice lady. … See what I mean? Hero.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(ALARM BEEPING)
GUY: My name is Guy, and I live in paradise.
(EXHALES)
GUY: Good morning, Goldie.
I’ve lived here in Free City my whole life. I’ve got a best friend, I’ve got a goldfish, and I work at the bank. What more could a guy want?
NEWS ANCHOR: (ON TV) Sunday should be warm and sunny with just a scattering of drive-bys. Great day for the beach, but not Hitman’s Beach, which will be mined and sprayed with high-caliber fire from a renegade gunship stolen by…
GUY: And every morning, I start my day with the most delicious coffee in the whole, wide, whole world.
Medium coffee, cream, two sugars.
GUY: You know it. Mmm. Mmm! That is unexpectedly hot. Jeez, that’s good. It’s like losing my virginity, but in my mouth. Thank you for making this with such love.
You’re welcome.
GUY: (LOUDLY) Officer Johnny!
Have a good one, Guy.
GUY: Don’t have a good day, have a great day!
GUY: (LAUGHS) Hold the fudge. You mean to tell me that nobody snabbed up those bad boys? Today is the day.
Like every other day.
GUY: I’ll be back for those.
GUY: Oh! So close.
Mmm! This is the greatest cup of coffee of all time. I wanna write a song about it.
GUY: I wanna dance to that song with my body.
BUDDY: (LAUGHS) I love my life. There’s something about finding your lane and just staying in it.
GUY: That’s why they call ’em comfort zones, they’re so damn comfortable.
(MAN GRUNTS)
GUY: Oh, Joe! Mondays, am I right, Joe?
You said it, Guy.
GUY: Yeah.
GUY: In Free City, I have everything I need.
GUY: Don’t have a good day… have a great day.
MAN: Thank you.
(CHUCKLES)
Take care.
GUY: Except one thing.
GUY: Seem happy.
Oh, come on, don’t worry about that, Guy. You gonna find someone.
GUY: Oh, it’s okay, Bud. Feel like I’ve been looking for her forever, you know? Maybe it’s not meant to be.
Everybody down on the ground!
(GUN FIRES)
(WOMAN GASPING)
(ROBBER WHOOPS)
(GUY GRUNTS)
GUY: (SIGHS) I know the woman I’m looking for.
Oh, let me guess. A woman with an offbeat sense of humor.
GUY: Sense of humor.
BUDDY: An obsession with feel-good diva pop.
GUY: Diva pop. Yes, that’s her. She’s rented space in my brain and she won’t move out. And you know what? I don’t want her to.
Well, guess what? She won’t move either in or out. You know why? ‘Cause she doesn’t exist. She’s just a fantasy. It’s a fantasy.
GUY: That’s cruel. You’re cruel. You’re being rotten right now. Rotten.
BUDDY: I’m being real.
Nobody try to be a hero. This will all be over soon.
(CHUCKLING)
So how about it? Beers on the beach after work?
GUY: Of course we’re going for beers on the beach after work.
(CHUCKLING) That makes me so happy.
GUY: (CHUCKLING) Me too.
----What have you got?
MAN: Proof of a secret level. That’s what you’re looking for, right?
You got a video or a screen grab?
Nope. But I know who does.
Wanna know what I do to people who waste my time?
Oh, wow. Ooh, someone wants to play. Hey, you really British, or is that an accent filter? ‘Cause maybe we could meet up later.
I don’t have a burning desire to see your mum’s basement, thanks.
MAN: Got jokes, huh? Well, I got a map, shows the location of his stash house. Don’t know how you’ll get in, but if you do, clip 56 might interest you. Now, I got a question. What’s so special about this video clip anyway?
What’s special is I kill people who ask questions about it.
MAN: Mmm, I see. Fun. Yeah, that’s fun. Damn, girl, you’re so feisty. But seriously, is it loot or is it just the experience?
(GROANS)
Those are questions.
GUY: Did you see the sneakers on that last robber?
The 2:30?
GUY: No, the 4:00. The three-quarter high-top, gorgeous foam soles. I could barely feel it when he stepped on my face.
BUDDY: (CHUCKLING) Oh, man.
Wow.
BOTH: Life in the big city. Ain’t nothing like it.
FEMALE ROBBER: Give it to me!
BOTH: Looks like rain.
BOTH: Has anyone seen my cat?
(SINGING)
BUDDY: You know something, Guy, people say it all the time, like, “Guy can take a shoe to the face better than anybody I know.” (CHUCKLES) I mean, when you put it on there, you act like it’s not a shoe in your face.
(SINGING)
(FANTASY BY MARIAH CAREY PLAYING)
Don’t have a good day, have a great day.
GUY: Love that song.
(SONG STOPS)
That’s a new one.
(SONG CONTINUES PLAYING)
(SIREN BLARING)
Hey!
GUY: That’s her.
Her who?
GUY: That’s my dream girl, Buddy. (CHUCKLING) She exists. I’m gonna go talk to her.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, man. She’s wearing sunglasses.
GUY: So?
Whatcha mean “so?” So, people with sunglasses don’t talk to people like us. You know that!
GUY: (WHISPERS) I gotta try.
Look, Guy! Guy! Guy! What about beers on the beach?
GUY: Excuse me! Hey! Hey!
----ANNOUNCER: (ON SPEAKERS) Coming soon… Free City 2! Bigger! Badder! Radder! Free City 2: Carnage. Pre-order today and get the bonus Mayhem Pack.
WAITRESS: You done?
Sorry. Are you closing? (CHUCKLES)
Yes. We usually don’t put the chairs on the tables, one-small-coffeeover-four-hours girl. You really like that game, huh? My 12-year-old nephew’s addicted. Seems like everyone’s obsessed with it.
Oh, Free City? Ah. No. I, uh, have a lawsuit against the publisher and the evidence that I need is in the game. So then I had my codes…
Oh… I wish we weren’t closing so I could hear more about this.
(SIGHS)
----(ALARM BEEPING)
GUY: Good morning, Goldie.
Medium coffee, cream, two sugars. Medium coffee, cream, two sugars.
GUY: Actually, I think I’d like to try a cappuccino today.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)
GUY: Ooh. “Cappuccino.” I enjoy saying that. It’s like a waterfall made of letters.
Excuse me?
GUY: I’d like to try a cappuccino. Please.
But you get a medium coffee, cream, two sugars. That’s what you get. That’s what everyone gets. Every day. Always.
GUY: Well, I…
Somebody’s about to get shot.
GUY: Officer Johnny.
GUY: I just thought I’d try something different today, you know? Whatever. Right? Yeah?
GUY: Hi.
GUY: Ha! I’m just keeping you on your toes. Coffee, cream, two sugars, please. I’m joking.
(ALL LAUGH)
GUY: Just keeping you on your toes. I was kidding.
MAN: He was just kidding!
GUY: Oh, you think I’d deprive myself of your baristic artistry? No way, no how. Mmm. That’s hot. (EXHALES) It’s like Jesus washed my tongue… but right before he finished, he finally told my dad, “He’s good enough.” (CHUCKLES, SIGHS) Thank you so much. Officer Johnny!
Have a good one, Guy.
(WHISPERS) Cappuccino.
----GUY: Don’t have a good day…
(STAMP CLICKS)
GUY: …have a great day, I guess.
Okay. Good day to you.
Everybody down on the ground!
(WOMAN GASPS)
Nobody try to be a hero. This will all be over soon.
GUY: That’s the girl.
We’ve been over this. You tried to talk to her yesterday, it didn’t work. It will never work. She’s wearing sunglasses. We don’t mess with the sunglasses people.
GUY: Maybe I’ll get some sunglasses of my own.
What? What are you talking about? You can’t do that.
GUY: Oh, my God. What am I doing? Hi.
ROBBER: What’d you say?
GUY: Hi. I’m gonna need your sunglasses. Ooh. Ow. I’m just gonna… I’m gonna need your sunglasses for a sec.
ROBBER: What the hell do you think you’re doing?
Go back to your side, man.
He’s just an NPC. Waste that mother…
GUY: Okay, just need to borrow them for a sec, okay?
Back off! I said, don’t!
GUY: Just real quick. Real quick.
Stop!
(GRUNTING)
You broken or somethin’? I’m the robber! You’re the guy who lies down and takes it!
Please, just stay down!
(GROANS)
ROBBER: I said, stay down!
Guy, you don’t do this, man.
GUY: (PANTING)
This isn’t you. You don’t do this.
GUY: Maybe I do.
(GRUNTING)
ROBBER: What is wrong with this…
…stupid mission?
I told you to smoke his ass.
ROBBER: Let go!
GUY: I’ll give them right back.
I said… (GROANS)
(GUNSHOT)
(ALL GASP)
MAN: Guy?
GUY: He’s just resting.
BUDDY: In pieces! That man is dead!
GUY: (WHISPERS) He’s so sleepy. I’m just gonna put your gun down… right here… for when you wake. Okay?
BUDDY: Guy. Guy! Where you goin’?
GUY: (GASPING)
GUY: Excuse me. Do you see this?
Have the quarterly reports on my desk by Friday.
GUY: (GROANING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
GUY: Whoo! Oh! Giddy up! I feel brand new.
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
(GROANING)
AUTOMATED VOICE: Loser.
(BEEPS)
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
GUY: What is happening? (GASPS) So much money.
----KEYS: Hey, Mouser, check this out.
MOUSER: What’s up, Keys? What am I looking at?
Okay, so this user, he gets his glasses stolen and then killed. The guy was smoked by a non-playable character.
An NPC? That’s impossible.
Yeah, exactly. Nobody can equip an NPC skin on their avatar.
Yeah, so you just boot the trash-ass noob and ban him for life, you’re done.
I tried that, but I… I can’t trace him. Whoever it is, they’re good. (SIGHS)
Hmm. You gotta be better at your job, buddy.
I’m pretty good.
I’ll see you on the inside.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Select your skin.
Hey, Keys, what skin are you going with?
The ushe. Dirty stripper cop, big guns, bigger mustache.
Hmm. Little dirt squirrel. I like it.
Almost scared to ask, but what are you going with?
Uh, full body mustache, hot pink. You should be very afraid.
I’m terrified.
(CHUCKLING) Let’s do this.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINISTER MUSIC PLAYING)
KEYS: Seriously, man. I’m just being honest, I think the bunny suit is just a little much.
MOUSER: Excuse me?
Right. Rabbit. Okay? My fault.
Hey, 40-year-old virgin! Get over here!
KEYS: Let’s go!
MOUSER: Uh-huh. Captain Khakis.
Come here. Come on, bud.
KEYS: Go, let’s go.
Closer.
MOUSER: There he is. Blue shirt guy.
GUY: Blue shirt? Yes. Hello, Officer. Rabbit.
MOUSER: Nice skin.
GUY: Thank you. That’s sweet.
How’d you get it?
GUY: Well, uh, mostly genetics, I think. I’m pretty lucky. I have naturally dewy skin.
Listen up, Neutrogena. You know you can’t go around looking like that. The rules are clear. And another thing. You can’t hack the NPC avatars.
MOUSER: No, sir!
KEYS: It screws up the mission load…
MOUSER: Screws it up!
…and it makes the game look bad.
MOUSER: Horrible!
Yeah. (SPITS)
GUY: I got, like, 5% of that.
Lose the skin!
GUY: I… Lose? How am I supposed to get rid of my skin?
Take it off, man.
Just take it off. What are you doing?
GUY: What?
Seriously.
The whole thing. The face, the outfit.
GUY: How?
Everything. Ditch it.
Take it off.
If you don’t, we’re gonna kill you.
GUY: Why?
And we’re gonna keep killing you.
GUY: Still why?
Until we do find out who you are… and then we’re gonna ban you for life.
GUY: Okay. No, no. Okay, I want to comply. I just find the order of those threats very confusing.
Somebody’s about to get shot.
Light him up
(GASPS)
(GUN FIRING)
No.
(MAN GROANS)
KEYS: Come on, Blue Shirt.
(GRUNTS)
(SHOES POWERING UP)
(GASPING)
(GROANS)
Oh! Didn’t see that one coming. Did you see that one coming? Scared me a little bit.
We’re coming for you, Blue Shirt!
MOUSER: (IN SING-SONGY VOICE) Coming to get ya.
We’re coming to get ya.
(GROANING)
GUY: Wait! (GRUNTS) Wait! I can explain everything. I found these glasses and then I can see things now. Things that… Whoa, whoa. Things that aren’t there. Except they are there. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true!
You can run, Blue Shirt, but you cannot hide.
MOUSER: Come on, Blue Shirt. You can’t escape the rabbit. We’re apex predators.
(BEEPING)
All we do is bone and brawl and slit throats.
GUY: Too high! Too high! (GRUNTING)
MOUSER: Oh, you wanna play, Blue Shirt? Watch this. I tire of these games, Keys. It’s time I went god-mode on this beyotch.
Okay, bring it.
Oh, it’s brung. Go, go, go, go, go.
I’m so, so good at this.
(BEEPING)
KEYS: Time’s up, bank teller!
(GASPS)
(GUNS FIRING)
(PANTING)
(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)
(MUSIC STOPS)
GUY: Nope!
(SCREAMS)
(GROANING)
(GRUNTING)
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYS)
GUY: I can’t die! I’m never gonna die!
(TIRES SCREECH)
Whoo!
And that was the heartbreaking story of Blue Shirt Guy. The end.
Doesn’t make sense.
What?
I just checked the server stats. We killed Blue Shirt and the number of players online didn’t change.
It’s just a glitch, man. It’s not a big deal.
I know, I know. It just seems like that’s something new, you know?
Keys, I know what you’re thinking, okay? You should not talk to Antwan.
I just think it’s important to be transparent, okay?
Uh-uh. No. Antwan is deep in the sequel launch. He’s either not gonna care or he’s gonna get pissed and then he’s gonna blame us. So, I don’t know what you haven’t figured out about the whole situation. Also, aren’t you some kinda MIT genius, indie game designer? What are you doing down here dealing with complaints?
That, Mouser, is a long and pathetic story involving failed dreams, desperation, and a mountain of college debt. You do not wanna hear about that.
You’re absolutely right. That story sounds horrible and boring and full of white privilege. Don’t talk to Antwan.
----KEYS: We never dreamt this would’ve happened. I mean, Life Itself, it’s essentially a fishbowl game. People aren’t playing it, they’re watching it grow. It’s a strictly observational experience where computer generated characters interact and evolve. I thought we’d be lucky to give it away.
That’s what’s so charming about Keys, he’s clueless about his own genius.
Uh, no, Millie is the genius. Uh, she built the AI engine from the ground up.
So, to get a little personal, what’s the thing that gets you up in the morning?
(SIGHS) Medium coffee, cream, two sugars.
(KEYS CHUCKLES)
What’s the other thing? Oh, yeah. An insatiable thirst for validation.
She’s not kidding.
I’m not.
REPORTER: How about you?
(CLICKS TONGUE) Code.
REPORTER: Code?
Code.
Code, yeah.
Here we go.
KEYS: ‘Cause it’s not just zeros and ones, it’s hidden messages. I like to think of myself, actually, as not a code writer, but an author. I just use zeros and ones instead of words ’cause words will let you down. But zeros and ones, never. Zeros and ones are as cool as shit.
He’s not kidding.
I’m not.
REPORTER: Now, I’ve gotta ask. There is a lot of chemistry between the two of you. Has this evolved into more than…
MILLIE: No. (CHUCKLES) No way. No. It’s strictly platonic.
No, no, no. We’re friends.
We’re like best friends.
Friendship.
And now your game is gonna be released by Soonami, one of the biggest publishers in the world.
It’s crazy, actually.
It is, yeah.
It does seem a little bit like an unlikely pairing, though.
KEYS: Yeah, I didn’t totally get it either. But Millie’s got a real instinct for these things…
MILLIE: Antwan is a genius. He’s brash and obnoxious, but he’s really good at what he does. It’s a chance for our work to be seen by a wider audience.
God, those two were young and dumb.
Jeez. So we’re breaking and entering now?
How does it feel working for a galactic black hole of frozen shit?
You have to leave. I can’t talk to you.
Aw, shame will have that effect.
No, Millie. I mean I can’t talk to you. I can’t even see you. I’m literally focusing on background objects because looking at your lips move violates my NDA and it could get me fired.
Aw, fired by Antwan, the guy who stole our work?
No, he bought it and then he shelved it. All right? You’re living in the past. You are stuck. You gotta move on.
How can I move on? How can you? Antwan swiped our AI engine to use in his dumb shooter.
Did he, Millie? Because honestly, I’m not so sure. Our game was complex and beautiful and interesting and Free City, it may be popular, but it’s so idiotic, it makes me wanna cry.
Then stop defending him and help me beat his ass.
Millie, I’m…
Come on, Keys, he stole from us. And now he’s lying about it so he doesn’t have to give us the credit and the royalties that we deserve.
Millie…
I found a clue. It’s on a clip in a gamer’s stash house. All I need from you is to get me in there.
Millie, I care about you… but you need to leave.
----(GASPING)
(ALARM BEEPING)
GUY: Today is gonna be different, Goldie.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
What are we lookin’ at?
(GROANS)
Who are you?
Okay, okay. Okay.
We ran into each other the other day, you were humming that great song.
Oh, yeah.
I thought you were an NPC. How did you find me?
I waited outside by the murder train, then I followed you.
(GUNS FIRING)
Shit!
Should I come with you?
Yes.
(GRUNTS)
Holy hell, what just happened?
MOLOTOVGIRL: What just happened is you almost blew my mission.
No, I mean, how did we get from there to wherever this is?
You mean the portal gun?
Portal gun? That sounds expensive.
Wow, you are a special kind of noob.
Thank you. You too.
Turn around.
Okay.
(BEEPING)
(OLDIE MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh.
Is this the North Pole?
MOLOTOVGIRL: Listen, dude.
GUY: Guy.
Guy. Whatever.
Props on the NPC outfit, but I’m busy trying to figure out how to steal something.
GUY: Maybe I could help you.
I work alone.
You have beautiful grenades.
Besides, if you want to have any chance of making an impact here, you need to have a higher level than that.
(EXHALES) That’s tough. No.
No.
Higher level?
Good Lord, rook.
See?
Oh.
That’s mine.
And that’s yours.
Oh… What, is one the best or the worst?
There is literally nothing lower.
Well, how do I get to a higher level?
Really?
Really.
You know, get stuff.
Yeah.
Are you kidding me right now?
Okay.
Experience, guns…
Yeah.
Put that down.
Uh-huh.
Money. This is Free City.
You could rob a store, carjack someone, punch a pedestrian in the face. You’ll figure it out.
Oh, I’d never hurt innocent people. (CHUCKLES)
Hmm. I’ve got to admit that is kind of refreshing.
Sometimes I forget not everyone you meet on here is a sociopathic man-child.
Thank you.
Wait. But the world isn’t that bad though, is it?
Oh! It’s pretty bleak.
If you ever met the dick responsible for this world, you’d agree.
Are we talking about God? You’ve met God?
And he’s a dick?
His name’s Antwan, and yes, he’s an absolute troll.
Trolls exist?
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Look, I don’t know if anybody does it, but you could rack experience points up by being a good guy.
Like a hero.
Ooh. Easy, tiger.
If you don’t wanna shoot people, you could steal their guns.
All that shit makes your level go up.
Go be the good guy.
Okay. No, I’m gonna be the great guy.
MOLOTOVGIRL: Ooh! Ooh.
Okay, well, enjoy your lifetime supply of virginity.
(GUY CHUCKLES)
Off you go.
Okay. Wait! How will I know that I’ve leveled up enough?
Uh, get over 100, then we’ll talk.
Whoa.
Bye now.
That’s so much more than one.
It’s like 99 more…
Bye now.
Okay.
(EXHALES, CHUCKLES)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIRENS BLARING)
(MAN SCREAMS)
(MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING)
Hi.
(GASPS)
(ALARM BEEPING)
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(GUNS FIRING)
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
(ALARM BEEPING)
(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)
Thanks, Guy.
(LAUGHING)
(BEEPING)
Good morning, Goldie.
Good morning, Goldie.
Good fucking morning, Goldie.
I have three words for you. Blue Shirt Guy.
BSG is leveling up and at a record pace by playing the hero.
It’s got people all over the world asking, “Just who is this guy?”
I don’t know who this guy is, but he’s out-skilling all these players.
GAMER: And here he is, taking out Beefoven, a level 102 from Clan Ragnarok.
This is bullshit. Who is this guy?
I don’t know, but he’s good.
Yeah, he’s good. He looks like an NPC but he’s running around, leveling up crazy fast by being the freaking good guy.
ALEX TREBEK: “This colorful character in the video game Free City “has been turning heads by being the good guy.”
Piper.
Who is Blue Shirt Guy?
ALEX TREBEK: You’re absolutely right.
Blue Shirt Guy. Who is he or she indeed?
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Whoo-hoo! (CONTINUES WHOOPING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(SPEAKING JAPANESE) There’s a worldwide craze that has captured kids’ hearts-Blue Shirt Guy!
Hello, Hinata.
You have a great outfit.
Don’t have a good day, Have a GREAT day!
Crazy awesome!!!
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)
(GRUNTING)
(GUN CLICKS)
Well, well, well. Look who decided to come to work today, huh?
Look, where have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you…
What is this shirt?
Where’s your collar at? Where’s the rest of the buttons?
And it’s not tucked in. You look sloppy.
Matter of fact, you look horrible. Did you pick up some muscles, too?
Or is somebody outside pumping you up?
I’m sorry that I haven’t been around, Bud.
I’ve been figuring some stuff out.
Whatcha mean, “figure stuff out”? It is nothing to figure out.
Okay? You go to bed, you wake up, you get some coffee, then you come to work.
And then you repeat the same thing tomorrow.
The girl.
Oh, my God.
I talked to her. I talked to her.
The one with the sunglasses?
The sunglasses, yes!
I talked to one of the sunglass people and now I’m one of the sunglass people.
(DOOR OPENS)
Me.
(GUN COCKS)
ROBBER: Everybody down on the ground!
You’re so hot.
What if I could tell you that you could be more?
Your life could be fuller.
That you’re free to make your own decisions. Your own choices.
Yo, dumbass.
We are in the middle of something.
Uh…
(TUTTING)
(WHISPERS) That’s my gun.
(TUTTING) Quiet time.
These puppies changed my life. And they’re gonna change yours, too.
Come on now, you know we don’t wear sunglasses.
(LAUGHS)
(WHISPERS) We do now.
Mine now.
Are you kidding me?
Put ’em on.
No.
Life doesn’t have to be something that just happens to us. All right?
Just put the glasses on and you’re gonna see.
You’re gonna see.
Come on.
I can’t, okay?
I’m sorry.
I’m keeping these, asshole mouth.
Now get out of here. Go be nicer.
Beat it. Go, go, go.
Don’t walk, run.
And you… (EXCLAIMS)
Ugh.
(CLATTERS)
Sorry.
Um, you could do so much better than that guy.
You could be with, like, a good guy.
Or maybe I don’t have to be with any guy.
Right? Exactly. Most of them are awful.
They really are.
Terrible.
Yeah, do whatever you wanna do.
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
You’re my best friend, Buddy.
And you don’t have to be scared.
If you change your mind, I’ll be around.
MOUSER: Yo, Keys, our Blue Shirt Guy is everywhere.
KEYS: I know.
MOUSER: Who is this guy?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON RADIO)
I’m here.
I really appreciate this, Keys.
KEYS: Okay. Just to be clear, all I’m doing right now is opening the door.
If this clip really does prove that Antwan reused our code illegally, go find it and get out.
Player’s doing the jewelry store mission in midtown.
That gives you 5 minutes.
And go.
Keys, you’re a goddamn genius.
KEYS: Really?
I’m sitting on the toilet right now, stealing user codes, so I don’t exactly feel like one.
Oh, you never have.
Good thing I know better.
KEYS: All right. The clip you’re looking for should be on the wall to your left.
Thanks for the assist.
You got it.
I hope it has the proof you’re looking for.
(ALARM BLARING)
Keys! I need your help!
He’s got that place booby-trapped with spawn points.
Millie, I can’t help you.
(MOTORBIKE REVVING)
(MEN GRUNT)
Blue Shirt Guy?
It’s a Henley. Was that cool? It felt really cool.
You look really pretty. Wow, this house is so nice.
What are you doing here?
I was trying to steal a video clip, now we’re trying not to die.
Who are you talking to?
You know, that player in the NPC skin.
Millie, there are no other players in that house.
(GROANS)
That actually hurt my hand.
Get down!
(YELLS)
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(CAR HORN HONKS)
(BONE CRACKS)
(GROANS)
(YELLS) I’m sorry! Oh, God! (GAGS)
We’re doing great.
(REVVING)
Wow!
(GRUNTS)
We should definitely go!
Oh, shit!
Is that a Glock in your pocket?
No.
What?
It’s two Glocks.
Oh!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(MEN GROANING)
(ROMANTIC MUSIC RESUMES)
I don’t suppose this thing can fly.
(LAUGHS) No.
Jump.
Wow!
Whoa! (LAUGHING)
(EXHALES)
Oh, shit.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Good morning, sheeple!
Oh, you are fired.
There is some concern with the bloody zombies, retailers won’t carry the game.
Cut it. It’s out. Never even happened. Next.
It’s your lawyers. They need to get your deposition…
Speak. Which lawsuit are we talking about?
Millie, Millie Rusk? No sweat.
That will never see the inside of a courtroom… because she’s got no proof and her ex-partner works for me.
We’re golden.
Antwan, hey. You look great.
Uh, I thought you were still at Burning Man.
Oh, does it look like I’m still at Burning Man?
You, you, you…
No. So, shut your stupid, bearded face and listen.
You heard about the asshole running around in the game who looks like an NPC?
Yeah, yeah. We call him Blue Shirt Guy. But we’re gonna get rid of him.
Don’t get rid of him. People like him. It’s all over social media. No.
In fact, know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna use the skin in Free City 2.
Oh, art nerds! We’re gonna make some upgrades to Blue Shirt, all right?
‘Roid him out. Make him a hitman or something.
Antwan, we’re already way behind porting over the skins from Free City 1.
ANTWAN: Skins? Don’t even worry about that.
They won’t be usable in Free City 2.
KEYS: Antwan, you told the fans…
Free City 2 is backwards compatible. It was in the commercial.
You said there’d be the same characters in the sequel.
Well, here’s the thing. When I said that, I was lying.
Listen, Antwan, the game is already buggier than ever.
I got a stack of user complaints, like a mile high.
Look, I know it sucks.
But the IP recognition is rock hard. Okay? So don’t even worry about it.
I’m just saying, we could make an original game.
ANTWAN: What?
Make an original? Why would I do that when I could make a sequel?
A sequel.
So we can make it better?
IPs and sequels, that is the thing that people want.
Let me ask you a question.
Okay.
You love Kentucky Fried Chicken, right?
MOUSER: Mmm-hmm.
No.
If you love Kentucky Fried Chicken, and I make Kentucky Fried Chicken, and I know that you love Kentucky Fried Chicken, why would I make another restaurant called, uh, I don’t know, “Albuquerque Boiled Turkey”?
Okay? Makes no sense, homie.
MOUSER: Mmm-hmm. No sense.
What am I gonna give you? A sequel. Kentucky Fried Chicken-Chicken, Part Two.
MOUSER: Uh, yum. Drop the deuce on him.
Come on. Come here. Come here.
I don’t want you to stress that glorious shampoo commercial head of yours about it.
Free City 2 is gonna be jumunjious.
That’s not a word.
You sure you don’t wanna bump up to programming?
I know you got the brains for it.
No thanks. I’m good right where I am.
Love it. Fear of flying. Can’t say I can relate.
But all good with me if I don’t have to pay you more.
Antwan out.
(SIGHS)
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
Who is this guy?
MOLOTOVGIRL: Wow!
GUY: I took your advice.
I leveled up.
Impressive.
Why are you doing all of this?
You know, I guess I felt… trapped.
You know, in my life.
I just felt so…
Stuck.
Yeah. And then I saw you.
Then I saw you.
Who are you?
I’m Guy.
No, who are you really?
Still Guy.
All of this, leveling up so fast.
Giving this whole world the finger.
How are you pulling this off?
I’ve never given anyone any of my fingers.
(CLICKS TONGUE, WHISPERS) You work at Soonami, don’t you?
No.
You’ve got an inside track.
I work at the bank.
Right. The bank.
So, you’re just this incredible hacker who happens to work at the bank.
Yes, I work at the bank.
Where did you get that skin?
It’s always sort of been there.
Why do people keep asking me that question?
I don’t know, why do they?
No, no. Not doing that. I…
What’s happening right now?
I don’t know, but I don’t buy it.
No.
Okay, fine. I’ll forget it.
Fine. Good.
I’ll let it go.
Yes.
Great.
We all have our secrets, I guess.
Yes, we do.
Hey.
Do you like ice cream?
MOLOTOVGIRL: I can’t believe I’ve never been here.
Well, it’s sort of a secret.
That’s why me and my buddy, Buddy, always come here. It’s quiet and safe.
Yeah, it makes sense.
No missions here.
Oh, you gotta try this. You’re gonna think I’m crazy.
This is my favorite flavor in the whole world.
We’ll take two of the usual, please.
ICE CREAM VENDOR: You got it, Guy.
It’s bubble gum flavor.
You think I’m crazy, don’t you?
Guy…
Get out of my brain hole! I love bubble gum ice cream.
No, you don’t. Are you making fun of me right now?
No! Nobody likes bubble gum ice cream.
No, I do.
I had a relationship end over bubble gum ice cream.
No way. Here.
Yeah.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Mmm.
How good is that?
You can taste it?
Taste it? It’s like my tongue had a baby with a sunrise.
MOLOTOVGIRL: Mmm-hmm?
Mmm.
Coffee used to be my favorite food, but compared to this, it tastes like liquid suffering.
(LAUGHS)
What?
(LAUGHING)
Nothing. You’re funny.
I am?
Yeah.
Weird funny. (CHUCKLES)
But that’s kind of my speed.
Weird funny, that’s totally my speed, too.
Great.
Yeah. I know a joke.
A weird funny joke. You wanna hear it?
Please.
Okay.
A homosexual and a man in a wheelchair are trying to murder a very small child…
The cripple says to the homosexual…
Whoa. Stop, stop.
Stop! Where did you hear that?
A robbery. The gunman told it to the driver who thought it was hilarious, so I memorized it and told everyone.
Word of advice?
Don’t crib your jokes from the trolls of Free City.
Trolls?
Is that a swing set?
Holy…
MOLOTOVGIRL: Okay, this is too weird.
Vintage Mariah, bubble gum ice cream, and now swings?
This is too weird.
I thought the same thing, too.
I thought the same thing.
When I was younger, I was obsessed with swings.
Growing up in my family, it was…
(SIGHS) You don’t wanna hear this. No.
Oh, I wanna hear everything.
(HESITATES) Oh.
Growing up in my family, it wasn’t good enough to be great.
You had to win, and that pressure, you know, it was just constant.
But when I was in the backyard on that little swing…
You know that moment, that split second between rising and falling, when you’re totally weightless, it feels like you’re free.
In love.
Free. What you said. Yeah.
I really wanna kiss you. Is that weird?
You want to kiss me?
I wanna kiss you so badly.
You want to kiss me badly?
No!
No?
No, no, no, no, no. I wanna kiss you well.
I mean, I’m an idiot, so I say things like an idiot sometimes.
No, you’re not. You’re not.
I mean, um, uh, if you know how to, go for it.
I know how.
Okay.
Here it goes.
(SILENCE DESCENDS)
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
That was so much better than ice cream.
(CHUCKLING)
Whoa!
I think someone’s at the door.
I’ll say.
Well, this was great.
Yeah, it was.
Let’s meet up again sometime soon. Yeah?
Yes. Definitely.
Maybe in the real world.
What?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay. Bye.
Okay.
Bye, Molotov.
Hey… my real name is Millie.
My real name continues to be Guy.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
KEYS: Millie, open up! Millie, it’s me, it’s Keys! Open up! Come on!
(CONTINUES KNOCKING) Millie! It’s me, open up!
What?
You were right.
You were right.
Oh, come on in.
You were right. Our code, it is in Free City and, Millie, it works.
Yeah, I know. But we don’t have proof.
KEYS: Just forget about that for one second.
I’m saying that our game, Life Itself, where characters would grow and change and feel real…
Yeah?
…worked.
Keys.
The AI worked.
It’s the reason why Free City is so realistic and people love it so much.
And of course it doesn’t look the same.
There’s no waterfalls, there’s no butterflies and unicorns, all the characters have different skins. Of course they do.
But the underlying code in the game is the same. Our code.
And Guy, I mean, he has evolved way further than we thought was even possible.
Wait, are you talking about the hacker in the NPC skin?
Millie, I’m talking about the fact that Blue Shirt Guy…
MILLIE: Yeah?
…is not a player.
He is an algorithm who thinks he’s alive.
I mean, hell, technically, he is alive.
He is the first real artificial intelligence.
(EXCLAIMS) No! No.
KEYS: I know.
No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah.
Guy? My Guy?
KEYS: Guy.
One who has been…
Your Guy?
Holy…
KEYS: This is a good thing.
No, it’s really bad.
Millie, his code, it’s thousands of times the size it should be.
We did it, Mills.
We did it. Everything that we wanted to create, it actually happened.
Okay? Did you know that the NPCs have private lives?
One of the baristas learned how to make a cappuccino through trial and error.
I mean, that’s really difficult. I can’t even do that.
I can’t even froth my own oat milk in the morning.
And the Bombshell character in the game wrote a memoir that’s a searing indictment of gender roles, the patriarchy…
It’s a little preachy in parts, but overall, it’s pretty good.
Millie, we have to celebrate!
No, this can’t be happening.
What are you talking about?
This is what we’ve been working for!
No, I let him kiss me!
So, yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
I’m sorry, wait, you let who kiss you?
MILLIE: Guy.
Guy?
The first time I kiss a non-toxic guy in like forever and of course he’s not even real!
Uh, there’s not a button for that.
Oh, he found the button.
Okay.
MILLIE: Yeah.
I am… I’m so confused.
Why is it so hot?
KEYS: And surprisingly curious.
(CHUCKLES) You let an artificially intelligent video game character kiss you?
Oh, okay,
can you just stop saying it like that?
And then you thought that would be…
Because you have got to meet him, Keys.
He’s funny, and he’s sweet, and he’s so handsome.
Oh, my God, now I’m saying it out loud.
Also, Millie, food for thought, he’s like four.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Really? You’re gonna do that?
Really.
Wow, you just made that really creepy.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Millie, put all that aside. Weird or not, when people find out about this, you could win a Nobel Prize. Oh, God.
What?
Oh, my God, if they see this…
MILLIE: What? What is it?
Oh!
KEYS: Antwan. What else? He’s lying. He lied about using our code, he’s been lying about the game being backwards compatible. I think he’s lying about Free City 1.
What are you talking about?
KEYS: Look. You see? There’s not one mission, not one location… I mean, there’s not even a single character from Free City 1 on here. Free City 2 is not an update…
It’s a replacement.
Exactly.
So when Free City 2 launches on Monday…
Blue Shirt Guy, all proof of our code, everything will be deleted.
He can’t do that. I mean, this is artificial life we’re dealing with. I mean, that’s insane. … We’re screwed.
Maybe not. If we can find our original build in the game, it’ll prove that Antwan used our code without properly licensing it. And we just have to find it before Free City 2 launches. We have 48 hours.
I’ve looked, Keys. You know I have.
I know you have. But now that we both know about Blue Shirt Guy, maybe he can help?
That would mean I’d have to tell him.
Millie, he’s not gonna exist once the sequel launches. His whole world’s about to end. Don’t you think he’d want a chance to save it?
----ICE CREAM VENDOR: Here you go.
Thank you.
You got it.
MILLIE: Guy?
Hey! Hi!
Guy, we need to talk.
What’s going on with your voice? Where’s your Australian accent?
British.
I think I know an Australian accent when I see one.
I turned off the accent filter. This is me.
Good.
Look, I have to tell you something really important.
Are you married?
(GASPS)
No.
Oh, God.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
That would have been like the worst thing ever.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Maybe not the worst thing.
Huh.
I have to show you something.
Okay.
(DISTANT SIREN WAILING)
Wow! I always wondered what was in here.
ANNOUNCER: (ON SPEAKERS) Tune in to the Kill Cam for more of today’s highlights of every bloody, bullet-ridden corner of Free City.
PHYLLIS: (ON TV) Has anyone seen my cat?
GUY: Hey, that’s Phyllis. She’s always losing her cats.
And there’s Joe! He’s my friend, I know that guy.
I don’t get it. What is this place?
There is no easy way to say this, but this city is a game.
There’s no easy way to say this, I know it’s a game.
You taught me how to play it. (PLAYFULLY) Boop-boop.
MILLIE: Yes, you’re right, I did.
But it’s not just that it’s like a game. It is a game.
It’s a video game. And that’s all it is.
So the entire world is a game?
Yes.
And we’re all just players in the game?
Not exactly.
I’m a player.
All these people here are players. We live in the real world.
But you only exist here.
It’s why you can never leave Free City.
You’re what we call an NPC.
NPC.
The policeman and the muscular bunny rabbit, they called me that. What is an NPC?
ANNOUNCER: Let’s take…
Just watch.
…another look at that leaderboard.
ROBBER: (ON TV) Everybody get down on the ground!
BANK MANAGER: (ON TV) Nobody try to be a hero.
This will all be over soon.
I don’t understand.
MILLIE: You’re a non-player character.
GUY: Non…
MILLIE: A background person.
Someone designed to make the game more fun for real people.
Wait, hold on a second. Just stop for a second.
I wanna make sure I’m getting this straight.
I just wanna fully understand here.
So, I’m fake?
The entire world is fake? I’m not even a main character, I’m just this idiot who’s in the background?
Millie, why are you even saying this? I love you.
You only think that because it’s in your programming.
MILLIE: Guy, I need you to listen to me.
In two days, the game is gonna shut down. For good.
When this sequel launches, this whole city, you, all the people in it who aren’t players,
they’ll be gone forever. You need to listen.
My whole life, I felt like there had to be something more.
And then I saw you.
And I knew I was right. I was right!
And for a second, I felt amazing.
I know.
Except you don’t know.
Because we’re not the same.
Isn’t that what you said? You said that.
We’re not the same.
You’re real.
And I’m what? I’m what?
You’re not.
You’re not.
Well, I may not be real, but for a second there… I felt pretty alive.
(DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(DISTANT FIRING)
(DISTANT EXPLOSION)
(GRUNTS)
(SNIFFS)
(GRUNTING)
(SIREN WAILING)
(DRAMATIC INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC CONTINUES)
(WAVES RUSHING)
(PANTING)
(GRUNTS)
(DISTORTED BUZZING)
(SHOUTING) It’s all a lie!
BUSINESSMAN: Have the quarterly reports on my desk by Friday.
Quarterly reports. My, what specific business lingo.
Wow. Life in the big city. Ain’t nothing like it.
Until it crushes your soul.
(DREAMER SHOUTS)
Has anyone seen my cat? Has anyone seen my…
Your cats? No, Phyllis, I haven’t seen them.
But here’s a revolutionary idea… close your goddamn door.
It’s not like they’re climbing on top of one another, forming a little kitty tower, and then jimmying the locks.
They don’t have thumbs, Phyllis.
No thumbs!
(LOUDLY) Don’t you get it? Don’t any of you get it?
None of this matters! None of it! It’s fake! We don’t matter!
That building, that’s fake! This street…
(STOMPS) It’s fake!
That car…
(CRASHES)
(BODY THUDS)
(PAINFULLY) Officer Johnny!
Have a good one, Guy.
(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING DISTANTLY)
BUDDY: Oh, hey, uh…
Come in.
(CLOCK TICKING)
BUDDY: Here you go.
Thank you.
Buddy,
what would you do if you found out that you weren’t real?
What do you mean?
Pretend with me.
Okay, so… (CHUCKLES)
Can I pretend I’m a ghost?
Sure.
Oh. Do I look like how I look like now? Or whenever I die?
Like, do I have a funeral outfit on?
This is kind of funeral…
Doesn’t matter.
(RAMBLING) …but even though it’s a work uniform, ’cause I got a tie on.
Let’s move on from the concept, okay?
Got it. (LAUGHS)
I’m not a ghost. I’m very disappointed, but I get it.
Yeah.
I’m me, who I am right now, and I’m just trying to help a friend.
I say, okay, so what if I’m not real?
I’m sorry. “So what?”
Yeah. So what?
(SCOFFING) But if you’re not real, doesn’t that mean that nothing you do matters?
What does that mean? Look, brother, I am sitting here with my best friend, trying to help him get through a tough time.
Right? And even if I’m not real, this moment is.
Right here, right now. This moment is real.
I mean, what’s more real than a person tryin’ to help someone they love?
Now, if that’s not real, I don’t know what is.
Do you know the other security guards?
I know ’em all. Why?
Hey, Buddy… let’s not have a good day… let’s have a great day.
BUDDY: Guy, what are we doin’ here?
GUY: We’re here to get a video clip for my friend Millie.
Does this look intimidating?
I don’t know, Guy. How do you hold this thing?
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
GUY: You have something I want.
And you’re gonna hand it over.
(SQUEAKING)
How’d you get in here?
BUDDY: Easy. I know your security guard.
Jimmy?
His name is Luigi.
So if you took some time to learn his name… maybe he wouldn’t turn on you so quick.
I need a video clip, and you’re gonna give it to me.
Wait a minute, are you…
Are you Blue Shirt Guy?
Yeah, maybe.
(EXCLAIMS) Holy shit! You’re Guy! You’re Blue Shirt Guy! It’s you!
Yeah.
REVENJAMIN: I love you.
You do? (LAUGHS)
I mean… I’m like a fan. You’re awesome.
You can have anything you want.
Wait, hold on one second.
Gamers, listen up, this is Revenjamin Buttons here.
I’m here with Guy.
The Guy, he’s in my stash house, and he’s here to rob me.
(LAUGHS) Can I get a little…
“what-what” for my followers, Guy?
What?
Perfect. All right, so what’s happening is…
Guy’s looking for a clip… showing a walkthrough I did to get to the secret level.
Who are you talking to?
(STIFLING LAUGHTER)
I’m sorry.
Who am I talking to? It’s just such a classic Guy line.
Right? (LAUGHS)
You’re good. Oh, anyway…
And you, you tried to steal it from me with that Molotov chick.
(THROUGH SPEAKERS) Her name’s Millie.
KEITH: Yeah. Wait, who?
GUY: Millie.
(WHISPERING) I think it’s going really well.
I know. This is literally the first time I took my gun out the holster.
Totally. Right?
Guy, I tried to go back through, but the glitch is patched.
And I never found it again.
So I’m the only one that ever saw what was on the other side.
But it’s all here, check it out.
It’s pretty cool actually. It’s like a whole other world.
This is it? This is the game clip?
Yeah, that’s it.
(GASPS) Can you do one, single, just one solid for me?
One thing, I’ll stop asking, okay?
Yeah.
Just say my catchphrase.
My viewers will just banana cream sandwich all over themselves if you say it.
I love banana cream sandwiches.
REVENJAMIN: Maybe not this banana cream sandwich.
Yeah, this one.
Okay, perfect. Okay, so just say, “You know what time it is?”
You know what time it is?
You know what time it is?
You know what time it is?
You know what time it is?
(IN DEEP VOICE) You know what time it is?
REVENJAMIN: You know what time it is?
(THREATENINGLY) You know what time it is?
It’s crime o’clock, baby. Yeah.
It’s crime o’cl…
But, no, I can’t say that. That’s…
Okay. It’s all right. I’ll say it myself.
All right, you know what time it is?
No.
It’s crime o’cl… (SHOUTS) Mom!
Mom! Are you serious with the… vacuum right now?
You really have to do that here? I’m saying my… catchphrase! Everybody’s watching!
God!
MOM: (SHOUTING) You’re 22,
living in my house, there is no God!
Sorry, Guy.
Thank you, Mr. Buttons. We’re gonna go.
No, no, no! No, you gotta kill me.
I’m sorry, what?
You gotta kill me. Please kill me.
Give it to me, Daddy. Give it to me! (EXCLAIMING)
No. Please don’t do that. Please don’t do that.
We’re not gonna hurt anybody. I’m a good guy.
What? What’d you say?
That’s deep.
No, it’s not.
That’s like I can taste you, deep.
I want your help, Buddy. I don’t have the safeword.
I know what you want.
I don’t want that.
Yeah, you do.
That’s touching.
They’re touching.
Yeah.
I know what you want.
Yes, I do.
You want a little bit of that Free City Itchy Kitty.
No.
Uh-huh. Yes, you do.
GUY: The way you move, it’s almost dirty.
What about a little Thanos Glove… into a little bit of Thanos Snap?
Oh. That looked like it hurt.
Yeah, a little bit.
A little Sunday Drive.
GUY: You have a beautiful home.
Snakey Man? No? No Snakey Man?
GUY: Bye, Mr. Buttons.
Come on, give me one snake! Just come on, man.
(SHOUTING) Mom! Do not touch that sock!
I swear to God, if you touch that sock… you will be in therapy for the rest of your life!
No! That’s my special sock! Put it down!
GUY: Millie, please.
Please wake up from your standing coma.
Look, I know this world is just a game to you and you can come and go, but to me… this place, these people, that’s all I have.
And if I can help you save it, I wanna do that… but you gotta wake up, please.
Millie, I’m sorry for running away.
Guy?
(YELPS)
Oh, that’s so scary! It’s just terrifying.
MILLIE: I know, I know.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
Look, you may have started out living in the background, but so did I.
We’re done with that.
I got you a present.
I didn’t have time to wrap it.
MILLIE: What?
(HELICOPTERS WHIRRING)
(EXCLAIMING)
(GRUNTING)
(THROUGH SPEAKERS) They say over a billion NPCs are killed every year.
Now, I’m not gonna lie, that’s at least 50% my fault.
GAMER: I used to shoot all the secondary characters when I was bored, you know?
And then, I’d teabag ’em a little bit.
Who the hell even knows who this Blue Shirt Guy is?
But I’ll tell you this, he’s got me thinkin’ about NPCs and how I play the game.
The game wasn’t even made for someone like this, for a player to be a good guy.
He’s also a really cute guy.
And not just the face, you know, like the whole thing. (GIGGLES)
And, honestly, it’s got me realizing… maybe we’ve been thinking about NPCs wrong this whole time.
I think Blue Shirt Guy’s like a symbol, you know?
Like, maybe people can be whatever they want.
He’s like an icon. Is that the right word?
Like, he reminds us of what’s possible.
Also, he’s like crazy hot.
Oh, my God, totally. I’d hit those pixels hard.
NINJA: We should all be more like Blue Shirt Guy.
Maybe we just stop the killing.
(GRUNTS, SHOUTS) He’s dead! You hear me?
The guy, put him up here.
Put him up here on the screen. Put him on the screen.
Make me see him. There he is.
Yes. There he is, the little do-gooder.
MOUSER: I thought you liked Blue Shirt.
Don’t say words to me!
People are so busy watching this loser on Twitch and YouTube.
You know what they’re not doing, guys?
Buying Free City 2.
Pre-sales are down 16%.
60.
60. That’s bad.
Oh, we are 48 hours from launch.
Yeah, he’s gone viral.
Yeah, a virus that’s giving me ass and ball cancer at the same time!
Inoperable!
(SIGHS) You know, this whole good guy routine… it is a bad influence, and is bad for the franchise.
I want him gone. I don’t care who it is, boot him.
You can’t.
Oh, I’m sorry, what?
You can’t.
Why not?
Because he’s not a hacker, Antwan. He’s an NPC.
You’re tryin’ to tell me that all this shit about a self-aware NPC is real?
Yeah. I don’t know how or why, but he’s real.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?
(BREATHING DEEPLY)
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
What to do? What to do? Got it.
(GRUNTS)
And kip-up!
(GRUNTS, CLAPS)
So we can’t kick him out of the game.
How do we reset his AI? Ideas, people. Come on.
Hit me. Ideas.
MOUSER: You could just reboot the server.
(CLAPS) Keep talking.
If we reboot the server… then he’s just gonna revert back to a regular non-player guy.
Solution.
Antwan.
Antwan, you’re talking about terminating… the first confirmed artificially intelligent life-form right now, okay?
Honey, honey. Shush. (SHUSHES)
He’s losing me money.
So, I don’t care if he’s Arnold-Frickin’Schwarzen-Vader.
Terminate him. Reboot.
MOUSER: On it.
You can’t do that.
Reboot!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
ANNOUNCER: (THROUGH SPEAKERS) Order up and drown your bloodlust… with a tall glass of murder juice.
Here’s this week’s highlights.
He’s very expressive with his body.
Clearly.
REVENJAMIN: (THROUGH SPEAKERS) What is that?
It’s a whole new world over there.
Some kinda paradise and shit.
Oh, my God, that’s it.
It’s our original build and that build is proof our code is in the game.
You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this.
I’ve seen this place.
What?
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
Yeah.
What do you mean? How could you have possibly seen it? (DISTORTS)
Millie? Millie?
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(OMINOUS MUSIC RISING)
(DISTORTING, GLITCHING)
We’re dark. Free City is offline.
(SIGHS)
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
GAMER: What is happening?
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
(EXCLAIMS IN GERMAN)
ANTWAN: Bye-bye, Blue Shirt.
No, no, no.
(SIGHS)
(REBOOT MUSIC PLAYING)
(WHISPERS) It’s okay. Come on.
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
Come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
(ALARM BEEPING)
(SIGHS)
Good morning, Goldie.
(LAUGHS)
NEWS ANCHOR: (ON TV) Front of warm, dry gunfire… mixed with late afternoon stabbings… could leave you in the streets wet with the blood of innocents… by early Tuesday night.
(EXPLOSION)
What really is the difference between a light roast and a dark roast?
Nobody knows.
(FLASHES)
Don’t have a good day, have a great day.
Guy, can we talk?
How does the sunglass girl know your name?
I don’t know. Keep walking.
MILLIE: Come on, Guy! You know me.
You know this.
You said this clip showed a place you’d seen before.
I need to know where.
The data’s been erased, but it’s in your head.
Please try to remember. This is really important.
Please, Guy, think. The ice cream, the swings?
Oh, my Guy loves swings.
At Free City Harbor Park, there’s a great swing set there.
Have you been?
MILLIE: Yes.
We had bubble gum ice cream.
OMG, I love bubble gum ice cream!
He loves the bubble gum ice cream.
Yes, I know. We had it together, remember?
Please, Guy, you’re all I’ve got.
I’m sorry, lady. I think you have the wrong guy.
Don’t have a good day, have a great day.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
KEYS: (ON PHONE) I might’ve found something.
I’ve been going through Guy’s code and there is something there… even now, after the wipe.
What’s the point?
Guy was, like, a one-in-a-billion miracle. We can’t replicate that.
I tried, okay? You were right, it’s over.
No, Millie, Millie, you’re not listening to me, all right?
A reboot, it doesn’t erase his AI coding… you literally would have to destroy the servers to do that.
His AI is still there, it just needs to be accessed.
I’ve seen him, Keys. He’s forgotten everything.
Just look at the trace log I sent you.
It’ll explain everything.
(SIGHS)
(THROUGH LAPTOP) Now, from the beginning…
Guy’s behavior is much more complex than it should be, thanks to our code. (CHUCKLES)
But he’s still stuck in Free City. He’s still stuck in this life, this loop.
And then, something changes. He comes to life. Why?
And then I remembered.
One of the characters from Life Itself was this guy that I nicknamed Lovelorn.
And he was someone who was designed to never meet the right person.
It was essentially the building blocks of the character.
But he never stopped hoping that he would meet “the girl of his dreams.”
So I had to base this girl off of someone… and who better than the person that I was sitting next to every day?
You.
But then, one day… he meets you in Free City, and once he sees you… he can never be the same.
He was supposed to feel doomed, but instead, he feels alive… until eventually, he is alive.
You changed him, Millie.
You changed his code. And I think you can do it again.
You brought him to life, Millie.
You brought him to life.
And he was alive because he met the one person…
(TURNS VIDEO OFF)
Don’t have a good day… have a great day.
CUSTOMER: Thank you.
Take care. (CHUCKLES)
FEMALE VOICE: Everybody down on the ground!
Nobody try to be a hero. This will all be over soon.
Okay.
FEMALE VOICE: Everybody except you.
Door, door, door. I got it.
(GRUNTS) Please, I have a goldfish.
Look, I don’t have long.
I just took you hostage, so there are three badges on me.
GUY: Badges? Is that like a Girl Scout thing? What is that?
MILLIE: There is something inside you, Guy.
GUY: What? I don’t want anything inside of me.
MILLIE: They stuck you in that bank and… expected you to just follow the rules…
GUY: I love the bank.
…and do the same thing every day.
You are so much more than that.
I don’t wanna be more than that.
No, and I need you to remember it.
Why have you been following me and how do you know my name?
Put these on.
I don’t have to do anything that I don’t wanna do.
True. The choice is totally yours. (COCKS GUN)
Okay. Okay. Fine.
(GASPS)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
GUY: What is that?
What are these? Trick glasses or something?
Listen carefully.
In 24 hours, this world, everyone you know, it’s all gonna disappear for good.
Can you please just let me go?
I mean, I haven’t really even seen your face.
I mean, I’ve seen the general area, but I’m not really good with descriptive words.
Not really good with words in general.
(DISTANT SIREN WAILING)
Screw it.
What? Oh!
(GRENADE WHISTLES, EXPLODES)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES)
(SOFTLY) I remember.
Welcome back.
No. I remember everything.
Come with me.
I do this every day so much, I’d forgotten why.
Do you see that?
Right there.
MILLIE: Oh, my God.
(EXCLAIMS) Oh, my God!
Antwan hid our original build past the horizon, making it invisible… but he forgot to scrub the reflections.
It’s still out there, Guy. We just can’t see it.
If we can get there, that is the evidence we need.
You can’t go past the water line. I tried.
We need help.
KEYS: Antwan found a way to hide it in plain sight in the one place no one can even get to.
(CONTINUES OVER PHONE) I can’t even believe he’s smart enough to be this diabolical.
Keys, I need you to focus.
Okay. So, the reflection shows the build past the southern horizon.
But the game physics won’t allow you past the beach.
But you think you can find a way to get us past the collision mesh?
KEYS: We’re gonna need a bridge.
You just get to Hitman’s Beach and I’ll figure out the rest.
And, Millie?
Be careful.
Antwan may be an asshole, but he’s not stupid.
He’ll figure out what you’re up to and he’ll throw everything he’s got at you.
You’re right.
(OVER SPEAKERS) Um, hi, Millie, and other person I can’t see… well, I have an idea.
What if he has nothing to throw?
GUY: Everyone! Gather around!
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Thank you for coming.
Now, you know me, I’m Guy.
NPCS: Hi, Guy.
GUY: Hi.
What I’m about to say may be hard to understand.
Really hard to understand.
But, are you sick of living in the background?
(NPCS AGREEING)
Aren’t you sick of being shot at?
Enough.
Taken hostage?
No more.
Run over?
We done with that.
Robbed? Stabbed? Used as a human shield?
(EXCITEDLY) We are tired of being stabbed!
Buddy!
Sorry.
What are you trying to say, Guy?
I’m tryin’ to say that things in this city don’t have to be this way.
Things can be different.
Different how?
For starters, you can put your arms down.
Yeah.
(GRUNTING)
GUY: There you go. You got it. Yeah.
Keep pushing. There you go.
(CONTINUES GRUNTING)
GUY: Breathe through it. There you go.
BANK MANAGER: Do it. Do it. Do it.
HOSTAGE: No, not gonna happen. Nope.
That feels unnatural.
I mean, what about when someone runs in with a gun?
Having my arms up is just a real time saver.
Except, what if the guy with the gun doesn’t come?
OFFICER JOHNNY: What?
OFFICER 2: What?
There’s always a guy with a gun.
So many guys with guns.
People, what if our world doesn’t have to be so scary?
What if we can change it?
Millie! How many times a day are the banks robbed in your world?
Hardly ever, Guy.
(NPCS EXCLAIMING)
GUY: What about corpses, Millie?
What?
GUY: You see a lot of those?
How many an hour?
None per hour, Guy.
GUY: What about gun violence?
See a lot of gun violence in your world?
Actually, that’s a big problem, Guy. (CHUCKLES) It’s a massive problem.
I didn’t see that coming.
It’s true. It really sucks.
The point is, we don’t have to be spectators to our own lives.
We can be whatever we want.
We can’t all be you, Guy.
That’s not true.
What’s inside of me is inside of you, too.
NPCS: What?
GUY: It’s inside of each and every one of you. You’re growing.
I need more in my life than drip coffee. I want to make…
A cappuccino.
A goddamn difference in the world.
Much, much better.
And a green tea boba.
Holy shit!
That’s right!
(NPCS CHEERING)
You go, girl.
Oh, my God, you’re amazing!
If I could just make it out past that water… there’s a world out there where we can be free.
Where we get to decide who we wanna be.
Where we can matter. But we have to fight for it.
We have to fight together.
NPCS: Yeah!
You guys have always done what’s expected of you.
But that shit ends today.
Yeah!
I don’t even know what’s happening right now!
But I love it!
(NPCS CHEERING)
BUDDY: I love it!
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
I love it!
I love it, too! Come on, guys, get in here!
Huddle up! Here’s what we’re gonna do! Everyone in!
(INDISTINCT EXCITED CHATTERING)
ROBBER: Everybody get down on the ground!
(FIRING)
Hello?
Where the hell is everybody?
Hello?
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
MAN: Where are all the NPCs?
LAZARBEAM: Look, I’ve been playing Free City for, like, three years now.
I’ve never seen anything like this.
Up until recently, I don’t even know if I’d have noticed a few NPCs going missing.
And I don’t know if this is just some whack Reddit theory… but some people are saying that Blue Shirt Guy isn’t even a player.
That he’s actual AI.
AI?
Actual AI. You know, alive.
It’s why Blue Shirt Guy is trending everywhere.
Antwan, if you’re watching this, please fix the game.
And most of all, bring back Blue Shirt.
ANTWAN: Oh, my God. My God!
JONATHAN: Antwan, you should see this.
REVENJAMIN: And you, you tried to steal it from me with that Molotov chick.
GUY: Her name’s Millie.
REVENJAMIN: Who?
GUY: Millie.
ANTWAN: Got her. Got her! Got you! Got you!
Mouser! Put him up on the screen. Now. Put him up.
That’s it. Come on, quicker.
Yes, there he is.
He’s joyriding around Free City with some player called Molotovgirl.
AKA Millie Rusk.
Millie Rusk? Isn’t that Keys’ old partner?
ANTWAN: Yeah.
Also the one who’s trying to hit me with this bogus lawsuit… ’cause she’s desperate for a piece of Soonami Kwan.
Boot Molotovgirl now.
I’m trying. I’m trying as hard as I can, but her account’s spoofed.
This woman is exceptional.
Then kill her in the game.
“What?” Yes, I said that. Kill her.
Throw everything at them, all right? Five badges, G.
Yeah, just one problem.
We don’t have anything.
Whatchu talking about, Willis?
We don’t have any defenses.
We don’t have police, military, no nothing.
It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.
It’s like every NPC went on strike.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Got a tall, half-caf, double foam oat milk, matcha latte with cinnamon!
That’s me.
Hey.
Thank you.
You’re welcome.
OFFICER JOHNNY: Cheers.
(ENGINE REVVING)
(NPCS CHEERING)
Go get ’em, Guy!
It’s like a digital walkout.
No, it’s not.
They’re doing this on purpose, it’s part of their plan.
You know what we’re gonna do? We’re gonna kill them in the game.
Turn off respawn, kill them dead, now.
But that means any players who die will be done for good.
They’ll freak out.
(WHISPERING) I don’t care.
Sir? Sir, just to be clear, are you telling me that it’s go time?
Are you looking for some sort of banter thing ’cause you think we’re friends now…
and we’re in some sort of gang together?
Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what I’m looking for.
Cool, we’re a team.
We should come up with a catchphrase, okay?
All right.
On three. One, two, three…
One, two, three…
(SHOUTING) Get back to work!
Someone find me Keys!
(ENGINE REVVING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(GUY WHOOPS)
All right, people, you heard him. It’s go time!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC RISING)
Okay, that’s not good.
(RUMBLING)
He knows where we’re going.
(SHATTERING)
MOUSER: All right, I got him. I got him. Don’t worry.
Want some four wheels to the face?
Take that. Boom!
(GRUNTS)
(CRASHING)
Rabbit’s coming for you. Apex predator.
GUY: Whoa!
(CARS CRASHING)
Here we go. Y’all watching this?
I’m about to end this fool.
(ENGINE REVVING)
(RUMBLING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY) Come on, come on, come on.
Keys, if you’re there, a little help, please.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(RUMBLING)
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
(ENGINE RACING)
(GUY GRUNTS)
(SHOUTS) God! Okay, who did that? Who is doing that?
Don’t play with me! Seriously! I’m under way too much pressure!
(RUMBLING, CRASHING)
Come on!
Go, go, go!
(SIGHS)
I just checked with security. Keys hasn’t left the building.
Oh, sounds like you’ve done everything possible.
Time to give up? You wanna give up?
No, I’m sensing you want me to keep looking.
Go.
I’ll be back.
I have no idea where these fools are running to.
I do. Southern shore. Hitman’s Beach.
MOUSER: Well, that’s stupid. There’s nothing out there but water.
Game physics won’t even let you get past the shoreline.
Unless there is something out there.
Antwan, is there something there?
Screw it. Art nerds.
Time for Dude.
We’re still working on him.
I worked on him myself. He’s perfect.
Drop in Dude now.
Just do it. He’s got, like, half a brain… he’s barely written, but sure, start the upload.
GUY: What are we supposed to do now?
MILLIE: Now Keys finds us a bridge.
ANTWAN: Come to collect those knives you stabbed in my back, bro?
You’ve been helping Millie Rusk this whole time.
She’s looking for your build.
What build, Antwan?
It’s not like you used our code anyway, right?
And if you didn’t use our code… then how can our original build be in the game, right?
Or am I missing something?
Leave us.
Okay, Keys, let’s have a real talk.
If I’d put out your dumb game, it would have bombed.
Antwan, you don’t know it would’ve failed.
Yeah, I do know.
I looked at the numbers, the tracking, the focus groups.
Has it ever occurred to you that some things matter more than numbers?
What matters more than numbers? Money?
Yo, news flash, bro, money is still numbers.
Nothing matters more than numbers!
You should be thanking me!
I should be thanking you?
What about the profits that you got from our work?
You chose your side, little Padawan.
And now, it’s time for you to take your place next to the Emperor.
You get me, bro?
Yeah, I get you… bro. (CHUCKLES)
Which leads me to this.
(ELECTRICAL WHIRRING)
Thanks, Keys.
What the hell was that?
Hey, Antwan, things are getting hectic.
ANTWAN: Oh, I thought you were smarter than this, Keys.
You’re obviously fired, you know that.
And you, what is she still doing in the game, man?
Boot everyone.
Hold up. You want me to boot all the players?
Boot them out of the game, now!
Cancel every player account!
And where the hell is Dude?
Security! Kick this punk out.
Guy!
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
Millie!
They’re taking me out.
What’s happening?
(VOICE GLITCHING) It’s on you now. Everybody’s watching.
You gotta keep going.
Wait, wait, wait! Will I see you again?
You will if you make it across that bridge.
Show the whole world our build. That’s the proof.
You do that, Antwan is done.
I’ll make it.
(GROANS)
I’ll make it.
What the hell?
What’s going on?
(SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(MAN SHOUTS IN MANDARIN)
All right, let’s all remember this moment, before we were fired.
Oh! (GRUNTS)
(GROANS) Wow.
Catchphrase.
MOUSER: Catchphrase?
What? I haven’t had time to think one up yet.
Although “catchphrase” as a catchphrase is a pretty cool catchphrase.
(DUDE GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS) Whoa.
Get up, Guy. Get up.
(GROANS)
Oh, no, no, no.
(SCOOTER HORN BEEPS)
Guy, I came to save you. (CHUCKLING IN AWE)
Who is this?
I don’t know.
He’s glorious.
(CHUCKLES)
I mean, he’s just like you… but way better.
(CHUCKLES)
Way, way better.
Thank you.
No, that’s not a compliment.
I wouldn’t touch him if I were you, Buddy.
What do you mean you don’t think I should touch him?
You don’t mind this, do you?
‘Cause I’m your buddy, too.
(SCATTING)
Yeah, I think he’s gonna… hit you.
He punches so hard.
But yet his hands are so soft.
Be strong.
Okay, bye.
Hey, it’s like I’m a feather to him. (LAUGHING)
(DUDE GRUNTS)
BUDDY: Whee!
Ha-ha! (GROANS)
(DUDE GRUNTING)
KEITH: Oh…
(INHALES SHARPLY)
No, no, no! No!
Get up, Guy, get up!
Playtime’s over. Catchphrase.
I don’t know what that means.
Come on, man. Get up!
Get up.
There are three things I love in life.
Kickin’ ass, TBD, third thing here.
(BOTH GRUNT)
Oof! Oh, shit!
(GROANING)
ANTWAN: Activate death blow.
Bye, Guy.
(EXHALING SHARPLY)
Oh, shit, that’s a death blow.
Get up!
Mom, he’s coming in with a death blow!
Get up, Guy.
(DUDE GRUNTS)
(HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS)
Oh.
[watching Guy use the Captain America's Shield when fighting Dude]
What the shit?
(GASPS DRAMATICALLY)
(DUDE GRUNTS)
That was dope.
(AIR HORN TOOTS)
(YELLS)
Hold on. Is that…
That’s a…
Yes! That’s a lightsaber, Dude.
Mm-hmm.
(GUY GRUNTS)
Is that a lightsaber?
It is.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(DUDE GRUNTS)
(DUDE YELPING)
(BOTH GRUNT)
(GROANING)
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTING)
Oh!
Guy!
(GUY GRUNTS)
Yes!
Yes! That’s right. Get up, Guy. Come on.
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING)
(STRAINING)
(DUDE CONTINUES GRUNTING)
(GASPS)
(GUY GRUNTS)
(BOTH GASPING)
GUY: There you go.
Do you see them all now? Yeah?
Uh-huh.
GUY: Yeah?
Yeah, shiny things everywhere.
Yeah, there you go. Go get it.
Just lots of little snacks.
(UPBEAT POP ROCK SONG PLAYING)
(DUDE CHUCKLING)
Yeah, not a dancer. No.
Run free, better me.
Let’s go.
Where are we going?
We can’t let them get across that bridge.
You wanna finish this out with me?
Look, I don’t even know what’s going on, but hell yes, I’m with you.
Ha-ha!
Let’s go!
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
Antwan, come on, man.
What are we doing here?
Where are the servers to Free City 1?
No. Antwan, what the hell are you doing?
If they get past that horizon to the build, I lose everything!
Wait, so you did steal their code.
ANTWAN: Welcome to the conversation, genius.
Now, where are those servers?
It’s all of these, but hold on. I’m trying to wrap my head around this.
All these? This one? Right, this one?
Yeah. How did you…
(ELECTRICAL WHINING)
Run.
(GRUNTING)
Antwan!
(ALL SCREAMING)
Stop!
(ALL WHIMPERING)
Officer Johnny!
Come on!
Come on!
Which server has the ocean and the rest of the bridge?
I’m not gonna tell you.
You’re just gonna destroy it.
Yeah. ‘Cause it’s my game.
Except it’s not. It’s Keys’ game.
You didn’t do shit.
And guess what? Keys is my boy.
Security!
Please escort this former employee off the premises.
He can call you by your real name.
(GRUNTING)
(BUDDY GASPS)
Guy!
Buddy! Buddy!
No, no! Keep going!
Go without me!
I’ve been scared my whole damn life.
But I’m not scared anymore.
I’m sorry.
I’m not.
It’s been the best day of my life.
You get to that build.
You show ’em we matter.
That security guard right there was a goddamn hero.
(SLOW VERSION OF FANTASY PLAYING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(CONTINUES GRUNTING)
(SONG FADES)
(SONG RESUMES)
(ALL CHEERING)
You did it! (GRUNTS, CHEERS)
Yes! Yes!
Suck it, Antwan! Whoo!
Antwan, stop!
It’s over.
He made it.
Got your game’s original build out there for everyone to see.
Probably win your lawsuit, huh?
Looks likely.
Cool.
And here’s the thing, bro. Here’s the thing.
Right here, I got everything you care about.
The sliver that’s left of Free City, all your little background friends… including your digital boyfriend.
Last server.
Look, I just want the world that I built and the people in it.
What’s in it for Antwan?
Everything else.
Meaning? Pretend I’m dumb.
You have the rights to our code, keep all the profits… just give me what’s left of Free City.
Let me build my own world from there.
What about Free City 2? Free City 3?
And all pursuant spin-offs?
All yours. Just put down the axe.
You know that this is, like, the dumbest deal in the history of dumb deals, right?
I mean, you’re talking about giving up millions of dollars.
Why would anyone do that?
‘Cause Keys and I made something great.
And I don’t need money or fame to prove that to myself.
I’m done playing your game, Antwan.
It’s time I played mine.
Deal?
LARA: Popping today and not in a good way.
Sales for Free City 2 continue to slip… with numerous reports of bugs in the code and lagging online play.
Embattled Soonami game founder Antwan Hovachelik finds himself in the crosshairs.
Crosshairs.
He’s in the crosshairs and embattled. (CHUCKLES)
We’re too busy to gloat.
I’m a victim! I’m a victim!
(KEYS AND MILLIE LAUGH)
Speaking of busy, we just doubled the amount of unique visitors we can handle.
It’s amazing.
Who’d have thought that so many people… would just wanna watch video game characters instead of shoot at them?
BOTH: Hmm…
Oh, yeah, we did.
Yeah. (LAUGHING)
You know, you’re pretty cute when you brag.
ANTWAN: Antwan out!
LARA: Meanwhile, the game Free Life is quickly becoming the little indie that could.
Players are swarming to this observational, fishbowl game… where they interact peacefully with the one and only Blue Shirt Guy… and is now no longer in the background, a digital friend.
Uh, hey, Mills…
Do you wanna come grab a coffee with me?
Actually, I’m gonna jump back into the game.
Oh.
(WHISPERS) Coffee?
Okay. Yeah. Sounds good.
I’ll just, uh, grab you one.
Oh, Keys, uh…
I know, medium coffee, cream, two sugars.
Yeah.
GUY: Hi, Randy. Milton.
MILLIE: Hmm.
GUY: I was wondering when I’d see you again.
(MILLIE CHUCKLES)
MILLIE: Yeah, life has been pretty crazy lately.
You should see it in here.
We’re talkin’ free bubble gum ice cream for life.
Wow. (CHUCKLES)
GUY: Hey, guys.
Look, Guy…
Wow, this is harder than I thought.
Then let me do it for you.
Guy… you are dreamy.
(CHUCKLES)
Your taste in blue shirts and five-octave musical superstars… it’s deeply, deeply attractive to me.
But I can’t keep spending all my time with you.
I created this world, but I can’t live my life in it.
See? Was that so hard?
So, what are you gonna do?
Anything I want. Thanks to you.
I’m not stuck in a loop anymore.
Neither are you.
I love you, Millie.
Maybe that is my programming talking, but guess what?
Someone wrote that program.
I’m just a love letter to you.
Somewhere out there is the author.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
(GASPS)
(GASPS)
(TYPING)
You brought him to life. You brought him to life.
And he was alive because he met the one person he’d been waiting for his whole life.
And I had to make it realistic, so… I based it off of… you.
The woman of his dreams… she was the same as mine.
So she liked bubble gum ice cream and swing sets… and she had this very cute but oddly specific habit… of always humming this classic Mariah Carey track.
Like, all the time, she would… repeat.
Finally!
Keys!
What are you…
(PEGASUS WHINNIES)
You okay, little guy Guy?
You seem adjective.
I’m great. I’m great. You could put me down, by the way.
Thank you. That was nice.
No, I’m great. You’re great, Dude.
I just miss my best friend.
(DUDE SIGHS)
We used to do the same walk together every day.
Except he wore a shirt. And could complete a full sentence.
I can bench press a sentence.
(LAUGHS) Yeah, that’s totally not the same thing at all.
(LAUGHS LOUDLY) Harder laughter!
Oh…
Guy?
Buddy!
No!
Oh, my God! Guy!
Buddy! I thought I’d lost you!
You didn’t!
One minute, I’m running on a crazy bridge to nowhere… thinkin’ my sweet mundane life is over.
The next minute, I’m like in some type of flyin’… and some like fairy dust, pixie dust… and then I plopped down into this slice of heaven.
Man, I love it here.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
In fact, a couple of days ago, I rode a centaur.
Now, it might sound weird…
I took a piggyback ride on a half-dude and a half-horse…
whatever a centaur is, I did it.
I rode a dude, too!
Friendly gesture!
So friendly!
Come on, bring it in!
Are we gonna hug?
I’m coming for you!
No, you’re not. I’m coming for you.
Yes, I am!
You come here!
I’m coming to you!
I’m reeling you in. I’m reeling you in.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Buddy, I missed you!
Hey, so where’s the bank?
There is no bank.
So what do we do?
Whatever we want.
(GUY CHUCKLES)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(FANTASY BY MARIAH CAREY PLAYING)
GUY: Hey, guys.
CENTAUR: Hey, Guy.
Category:Transcripts
Category:20th Century Studios Transcripts