Cotton Eye Joe

thumb|His song
Cotton Eye Joe is an agent of chaos, and brought disaster wherever he was. He stole fiancées, mistresses, and wives with his level 99 rizz and then trolled them by saying "ehh never mind". Not much is known about Cotton Eye Joe's appearance other than he had soft-to-the-touch eyeballs made out of 90% cotton and 10% polyester. His legacy was immortalized by Chicken Tenders when they started standing up and singing his cursed theme song. A DNA test performed in 2016 has confirmed Cotton Eye Joe is 4th cousins once removed with Glass Joe. Cotton Eye Joe died aged 39 in 1881 after a face-off against Texas Red went south.
==Song==
thumb|His other song
Chicken Tenders remembered everything he did. They remember the Alamo also, but that isn't important. They were the ones who spread his tale and the ones who continue singing to this day, however due to brainrot from Lobotomy Dash they don't quite remember it the same. Thanks Satan.
==Biography==
Cotton was born October 4th, 1842 in the Rednex barn located in Denmark, Tennessee. He was born with a rare genetic condition of where his eyes were made mostly out of cotton. His parents thought Cotton's eyes were so messed up that instead of naming him Joe Rednex he was named Cotton Joe. Since this was the 19th century, cotton didn't go to UnSchool. Instead, he went to the bank where he did nothing except leech off of the free coffee they offer, and talk to the women there like it was some kind of bar. His favorite thing to do was get his eyes wet with boiling hot milk. His other favorite thing to do was watch 9 out of 10 dentists cry at the fact he was losing so much tooth enamel.
He then was trespassed from there after years of not giving them money, so went to a hospital with another self-serve coffee corner to watch more dentists cry. He grew to like the cotton balls that came with medicine, thus bought lots of medication. The hospital then trespassed him from there, but this time he was able to rizz/troll 5 women. Nobody knows his technique, but what we do know was that all women he womanized fell in love with him, and that they fled the country to Mexico after they have a severe breakup. Many people heard about Cotton Eye Joe, and were prepared to kill him if he ever stepped foot into their town. Mi-Mi saw Cotton Eye Joe and laughed at him, but didn't kill him.
He went from town to town as he did, ruining lives and ruining marriages. It is estimated that he devastated 5 towns, evaded 9 assassination attempts, and impregnated at least 1 woman before they started to realize that coffee was what gave him his powers. And so, coffee stopped being produced in America. Actually, it stopped being imported. Most municipalities banned coffee imports until the day he died. Without coffee, he became weak; he started losing what made him great. He tried his old techniques, but people knew who he was and what he did, and found the whole rizzing thing cringe. Even still, he managed to devastate a few last towns, however, when he went to the town of Agua Fria, he met a stranger one fine day. That stranger was an Texas Red, who shot Cotton Eye Joe dead June 6th, 1881. 
Cotton Eye Joe was resurrected and reincarnated as a man named Zappa, but was cursed with a vengeful spirit. He yet again went around ruining marriages and giving people lobotomies, until he was killed yet again by everyone's favorite Bri'ish man Axl Low. 
Category:Guys
Category:Freaks
Category:Freaky oddballs
Category:Trolls
Category:Manipulators
Category:Evil
Category:Sexy
Category:Sexist
Category:Sexually offensive
Category:Sexualy deadly
Category:Sexually creepy
Category:Sexually weird