Valuable Warriors

The Most Valuable Warrior
PLOT
A raging conflict between Spain and England has led the King of England to result to his last line of defense.. Benjamin Macmorgan. Benjamin plans on going undercover in Spain, and finding the very secrets that will change the war.. on his way, he meets Jeremiah Garland, a seasoned spy and traveler, who like Benjamin, likes the ladies he meets along the way. The two go on a epic adventure trying to save England, find treasure, mess with the best, die like the rest, and most importantly meet the pretties along the way..
ACT I: SCENE I
King's Palace, London England King John Breeze: This can't continue! This is terrible, disastrous. I will not be defeated by some Spanish bastard! I want to win, not lose. I will win, infact I am winning. I'm winning just like my good friend, Sir Charles of Sheen!
Lord Matthew ExplosionShot: Your majesty, I come to you because we face a dilemma..
King John Breeze: What in Swazi do you mean dilemma?
Lord Matthew ExplosionShot: Well.. it seems that all hope for the war is lost. We might as well retreat and surrender.
John Breeze sighs
Lord Matthew ExplosionShot: But there is one man.. that can save us..
King John Breeze: Who the hell is that?
the door open into the hall, Benjamin Macmorgan appears with much fanfare he speaks in a raspy voice
Benjamin Macmorgan: Its me..
Everyone, awe-struck by the amazing Benjamin run out to the nearest exit
ACT I: SCENE 2
Someplace, Spain. Benjamin arrives to begin his self-declared mission of espionage. Benjamin exits a dingy 
Tedac: Who is you?
Benjamin Macmorgan: Who is me? Well who is you?
Tedac: I'm sorry I don't speak English, I come from Spain.
Benjamin Macmorgan: Your speaking English right now..
Tedac: No I'm not.
Benjamin Macmorgan: Yes you are. You are speaking English right now, so its impossible for you not to speak English!
Tedac: Who is you?
Benjamin Macmorgan: Didn't you ask me that before?
Tedac: I'm sorry I don't speak English, I come from Spain.
Benjamin Macmorgan: This seems a little repetitive..
Tedac: No I'm not.
Benjamin Macmorgan: Alright.. well adios.
Benjamin slowly walks away from Tedac, leaving the dock. He opens the door into Paradox Tavern, known for its many paradoxes.. is it a tavern, or is it a tavern?
Drunk Spaniard: I have a funny joke to tell. A bologna sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here".
Drunk crowd: HAHAHAHA THAT IS SO FUNNY.
Drunk Spaniard 2: I knew a joke once, but I forgot. I took an arrow to the knee.
Benjamin Macmorgan: It smells like rum in here.. I think a tavern is nearby
Drunk Lady: You bastard, your in a tavern. Did you hear the news about the Olympic organisers have just announced that origami will be included in the Madrid 1750 games. It will only be available on "paper view".
Benjamin Macmorgan: Wow drunk lady, that is very valuable information.. do tell me about this Olympiad..
Drunk Lady: Well, did you hear about the new pirate movie? It's rated ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH.
Benjamin Macmorgan: I can tell your a very reliable source, Mrs. Drunk Lady. It seems all you care about is drinking your heart away and as a product of that telling very old corny jokes.
Drunk Lady: Your welcome.
ACT I: SCENE 3
Benjamin is walking out of the tavern when he notices a smelly, hairy, kommunist standing in the corner near the door way. He holds in his hand a bottle of rum... or is it vodka? Benjamin at once recognises the man as an old colleague.
Benjamin Macmorgan: Garland...? Is that you?
Jeremiah Garlic: Hehe. Maybe.
Benjamin Macmorgan: Well Great Caesar's Ghost! It's been years! How are you holding up ever since the big incident...?
Jeremiah Garlic: Yeah, I'll never forget the day that can of soda hit me in the head. Good thing it was a soft drink, otherwise I'd be dead.
Benjamin Macmorgan: Speaking of which, what are you doing here? I'm on a secret mission hehe.
Jeremiah Garlic: haha me too. The Angolan Economy sent me. They gave me the stupidest code name...
Benjamin Macmorgan: Well, what is it?
Jeremiah Garlic: Smell me :0
Benjamin leans in and lightly sniffs Jeremiah
Benjamin Macmorgan: GARLIC!
After a few minutes, the two walk into a nearby Spanish people house. Neither of them speak Spanish, but Benjamin speaks a little bit of Mexican so he asks the people inside where they can find the palace of Spain's notorious king, King Pearson Wrong, also known as Sir Carlos Clementine, also known as Francis Chips'n'dip fiesta time. None of the Spaniards know, so Benjamin and Jerry tie them up in their basement and leave. As they are leaving the house, they spot a beautiful woman... Never mind, it's KittyNomsMe
Jeremiah Garlic: Kittynomsme, come over here quick!
Benjamin Macmorgan: You know her? 0_0
Jeremiah Garlic: My favourite woman in all of Spain, her nomming powers are extreme.
KittyNomsMe draws closer...
Benjamin Macmorgan: Huh the Fukushima Disaster are you?
KittyNomsme speaks in a Jamaican accent
KittyNomsMe: Aww mon, I'm KittyNomsMe. I nom me, and you. You want the pork? You gotta get the pork, mon. Mon, I tell you this, mon. You, mon, gotta go to the west side of Afroville, mon to get to the pizza place, mon. 
Benjamin Macmorgan: Pizza place you say? I didn't know we were looking for pizza..
KittyNomsMe: Listen mon, I sell you two pizzas for one, you in, mon?
Benjamin Macmorgan: Um, pizza? What do you mean by pizza..? 0_o
Jeremiah Garlic: Uhhh we don't want to buy "pizza" if you know what I mean..
KittyNomsMe pulls out a bag of pizza
KittyNomsMe: No, mon, look. It really is pizza mon! I want to sell you pizza!
Benjamin Macmorgan & Jeremiah Garlic: OH! THAT PIZZA... We thought you meant something else..
KittyNomsMe: No idiots, mon! Want pizza?
Everyone grabs a piece of pizza.
Benjamin: Hmm.. I feel kind of funny for some reason.
Jeremiah: Kitty, did you.. put something in this?
KittyNomsYou: No, mon. I just, mon, put some of the wright ingredients in it, mon. You know what I'm saying, mon?
Benjamin: No I really don't know what your saying 0_o
Benjamin and Jerry pass out
ACT I: SCENE 4
Benjamin and Jeremiah wake up tied back-to-back in a musty dark cellar. They cannot move. SUddenly, a bright light comes on and standing before them is... KittyNomsMe!
Benjamin: KittyNomsMe! What in the nomming nom have you done?
KittyNomsMe: hahrhaehhehahe (laugh). Fools. You ate the Cambodian Happy Pizza and now you wake up in my basement.
Jeremiah: Wait a minute, what happened to your Jamaican accent o_O
KittyNomsMe lmaos on the floor
KittyNomsMe: Rofl idiot it was fake so I could trick you and I did.
Jeremiah begins to cry lightly, but is soon comforted by Benjamin. Suddenly, a shadowy figure appears alongside KittyNomsMe...
Mysterious Person: And you did a wonderfur job, KittyNomsMe. I courdn't harf asked for a better girr.
Suddenly, the figure walks into the light, and is discovered to be King Davh Hookwrecker, King of the Asians.
Benjamin: Davh, what the bloody biscuits are you doing here o_O
Davh: Prease shuttup. My name is now Huing-Chao-Ling-Ding-a-Ling-Shong-Doo, King of the Asians. You're are under arrest :3
Jeremiah: Wait, what did we do to you guys?
KittyNomsMe: We heard you were after King Clementine of Spain... We can't let you get to him!
Benjamin: uhh.... You guys work for him now..?
Davh: lmao no. WE'RE TRYING TO KILL HIM FIRST.
Jeremiah and Benjamin: 0:
Dramatic music plays
Davh: KittyNomsMe, kirr these Engrish foors!
KittyNomsMe produces a pair of clippers and approaches Benjamin and Jerry. She opens the clippers and holds them in front of Benjamin's face, about the cut off his signature 'stache.
When suddenly... The doors to the basement break open! Men begin pouring in! But who is it!? Davh and KittyNomsMe begin fighting them off.
Jeremiah: Spanish soldiers!
Benjamin: And they're firing arrows at us. I see they're trying to get a point across.
Just then, as two or three Spanish soldiers were about to get Jeremiah and Benjy, the two were set free of the rope! They began to run towards the door.
Benjamin: Perfect! According to my calculations, the rope was severed amidst the chaos, allowing us to escape!
Jeremiah: Hehe, nope. It was untied at my end the whole time :3
Benjamin: Then why didn't you ---
Just then, a bomb went off! The entire building soon collapsed, but through the smoke and rubble Jerry and Benjy were able to run away and get to safety. They looked back. No sign of Davh, KittyNomsMe, or the Spanish soldiers. They sat down and took a breather. Then they spotted a beautiful woman on the street corner ;)
Category:POTCO
Category:POTCO Plays
Category:Comedy