QuackersClocks and Absorbantsy: Road to Epstein Island

QuackersClocks and Absorbantsy: Road to Epstein Island is the second DVD-Exclusive replacement episode of The Mr. Rabs Show. 
==Special Intro==
[THE BALLAD OF FILTHY QUACKS - BY NAUTICALSPONGE.]
If you've ever smelled the stink of a Discord mod
or inhaled the fumes of a Reddit god
If you've ever passed a clock and felt your nostrils clench
well friend, that's just a hint of Filthy Quack stench
Filthy Quack! (Filthy Quack)
Filthy Quack! (Filthy Quack)
And his nauseating buddy
Little Clock!
They roam with the rotten milk
and musky clocks
His bedroom has a hidden stash
that's full of cocks
Living by the code of the home reviews
He's in love with every single girl as long as they are 2!
Filthy Quack! (Filthy Quack)
Filthy Quack! (Filthy Quack)
There's no quack that was ever so sad.
No pedophile half as bad.
As the little stack of Filthy Quack
And his buddy Little Clock!
[Text Reads: "The Mr. Rabs Show. by Then bends. Song used without permission, written by NauticalSponge.]
==Transcript==
*[The episode begins with SF99 walking his cat, Tit 2.]
*SF99: Beautiful day for a walk, isn't it, Tit 2.
*Tit 2: Meow.
*Narrator: SF99 was walking around town with his new cat, Tit 2, but little did he know, something was about to happen in...
*[The Narrator looks around.]
*Narrator: That house! Home of QuackersClocks!
*QuackersClocks: Haha! Discord is so fun! If only I could transfer myself into it.
*[Quackers gets a friend request.]
*QuackersClocks: Hmm.. who is this? "JeffEpstein99?"
*[Quackers thinks.]
*QuackersClocks: Oh! Jeffrey Epstein! I love that guy!
*[Quackers accepts the friend request.]
* QuackersClocks: (typing: Hey, Jeffrey! What'd you friend me for?)
*Jeffrey Epstein: (typing: Hey, Quackers. I saw your videos, and felt you'd be just right on my island! You should bring a friend along, if you want to go.)
*QuackersClocks: Wow! Jeffrey Epstein is inviting me to his private island!
*[Quackers is happy for a minute, but realizes something terrible.]
*QuackersClocks: Wait a minute... I don't think I have any REAL friends!
*[Quackers mopes upstairs, but realizes something again.]
*QuackersClocks: What about Lyrak?
*[Transition to The Mental Hospital.]
* QuackersClocks: You're not going to let Lyrak out?
*Mental Hospital Dude: Nope! Sorry! Not even for a second.
* QuackersClocks: Bah, hummbug! Who am I gonna go with to Epstein Island now?
*[Quackers has an Idea.]
*QuackersClocks: I have an Idea!
*[Batman-like transition to Golden Sigma's headquarters.]
*QuackersClocks: Let's hope Golden Sigma's not out helping people.
*[Quackers knocks on Golden Sigma's door.]
*Golden Sigma: Hello? Oh, QUACKERS!!! How's it been, man! It's been awhile, you know that?
*QuackersClocks: Yeah, yeah! So, Golden Sigma, I know you can't go on vacations, helping people about and all, but could you help me find somebody to go to Epstein Island?
*Golden Sigma: Sure!
*[QuackersClocks goes inside.]
*Golden Sigma: So, how do you feel about Squiddard?
*QuackersClocks: I think he's nutes.
*Golden Sigma: Oh yeah, Choir Boys and all. What about Kanye?
*QuackersClocks: He's totally nutes!
*Golden Sigma: Oh. Well, I have one last guy. Absorbantsy.
*QuackersClocks: I- wait a minute, yeah! I'd love to go to Epstein Island with Absorbantsy!
*Golden Sigma: Awesome! Now, let's get you two together. I've gotta save somebody now, so see you later!
*[Golden Sigma flies out.]
*QuackersClocks: Nice guy.
*[Transition to Absorbantsy's house. Fraidy Cat plays.]
*Absorbantsy: Oh, hey, Quackers.
*QuackersClocks: What's up, Absorbantsy?
*Absorbantsy: What'd you come over for?
*QuackersClocks: I just wanted to let you know that I've got two tickets to Epstein Island! Would you like to tag along?
*Absorbantsy: Oh my god! Epstein Island? I'd love to go!
*QuackersClocks: Yay!
*[The two dance around.]
*Party Noob: LET"S PAR-TAY!!
*[They party.]
*Narrator: 6 Hours of Partying Later...
*[Cut back to the episode, it's night now.]
*Mr. Zabs: Thanks for the party!
*Cleveland Brown: Yeah, it was fun, but me and Mr. Zabs should get going.
*QuackersClocks: Okay! See you later!
*[They leave.]
*Party Noob: That was awesome!
*QuackersClocks: I know! Now, Absorbantsy, let's go to Epstein Island!
*[Transition to the Airport.]
*Airport Security: Ticket, please.
*QuackersClocks: Here you go! Our tickets!
*[Quackers hands him the tickets.]
*Party Noob: Well, we should be good to go!
*[The three attempt to leave, but are stopped]
*Airport Security: Hold on a moment, folks. Where are you headed?
*QuackersClocks: Uh, Epstein Island?
*Airport Security: Epstein Island? Are you sure about that? It's not your typical vacation spot. Dangerous, some might say.
*QuackersClocks: Dangerous? Oh... I think I just To Pimp a Butterfly'd.
*Party Noob: Pfft, dangerous? Sounds like a blast!
*Airport Security: Blast? I'm not sure you understand...
*Party Noob: Oh, I understand perfectly! Look, we're just a group of friends looking for an adventure. We'll be fine!
*QuackersClocks: Pfft! Yeah, uh what he said! We're not scared! I'm not... I'm not scared, right, Absorbantsy?
*Absorbantsy: Um... yeah, sure! We can handle it!
*Airport Security: Well, if you say so. Just be careful, okay?
*Party Noob: Don't worry, we'll be the life of the party!
*Narrator: 10 Minutes Later...
*QuackersClocks: I'm hungry!
*Absorbantsy: How are you already hungry! We've been here ten minutes!
*QuackersClocks: I've just been a little nervous...
*[QuackersClocks takes a glance at Party Noob, who is looking content.]
*QuackersClocks: Nervous about how good the party's gonna be!
*[Lap Steel, transition to QuackersClocks and Absorbantsy looking at the Food Court. Poppin' Around plays.]
*Absorbantsy: Hey, look! A Chick-fil-A.
*QuackersClocks: Ah, finally! I could really go for some nuggets right about now.
*Absorbantsy: Yeah, nuggets sound good. Maybe they'll help calm my nerves.
*[They approach the counter to place their orders.]
*QuackersClocks: So, Absorbantsy, are you feeling alright about this whole Epstein Island thing?
*Absorbantsy: Honestly, Quackers, I'm pretty nervous. I mean, that guy called it DANGEROUS.
*QuackersClocks: Yeah, me too. I can't shake this feeling of dread, you know?
*[They receive their food.]
*Chick-fil-A Employee: Here's your food.
*QuackersClocks: Gee, thanks!
*Chick-fil-A Employee: That'll be ½ of a cent.
*QuackersClocks: I've only got a 20.
*Chick-fil-A Employee: That'll work!
*[QuackersClocks gives him $20, and he and Absorbantsy sit down.]
*Absorbantsy: It's just... I don't know what to expect. I mean, sure, Jeffrey's a pretty cool guy, but I don't want to go anywhere DANGEROUS.
*QuackersClocks: I hear you, but hey, at least we have each other, right?
*Absorbantsy: Yeah, that's true. I'm glad you invited me along, Quackers
*[They eat.]
*QuackersClocks: These nuggets are so good!
*Absorbantsy: Right? RIGHT! And, You know, talking about it like this actually helps. I feel somewhat better now.
*QuackersClocks: Yeah, me too.
*[They finish their meal.]
*QuackersClocks: Alright, Absorbantsy, let's do this.
*Absorbantsy: We can do anything! Watch!
*[Absorbantsy flies.]
*QuackersClocks: Wow! Let me try to do something!
*[QuackersClocks does some push-ups.]
*Absorbantsy: Now, let's go!
*QuackersClocks: Yeah!
*[The two skip happily, holding hands into a field of flowers, which fades out, as they were actually skipping back to their gate.]
*QuackersClocks: Epstein Island, here we come!
*Party Noob: Woo! Let's get this party started!
*[Party Noob twirls around and blows on his party horn. They go inside the airplane.]
*Flight Attendant: Welcome aboard, folks! Please find your seats and fasten your seatbelts. We'll be departing shortly.
*QuackersClocks: Alright, so who's sitting where?
*Party Noob: I call window seat!
*Absorbantsy: Well, I prefer the window seat too. It's cool to look at the window.
*QuackersClocks: Oh, but I kind of wanted the window seat too... I can imagine a world where people like me.
*Then bends: Me too!
*[The two high five.]
*Party Noob: Come on, Quackers! I've only known you for like a day, but I'm sure you always get the window seat!
*QuackersClocks: But... but I—a
*Narrator: Just then...
*Narrator: By sheer coincidence...
*[Cut back to the episode. Tnickelss is walking by, wearing a McDonald's Employee outfit.]
*Tnickelss: What seems to be the problem.
*Party Noob: I want the window seat! I want it, I want it, I want it, I-
*Tnickelss: Woah, woah woah! Let's not get all worked up here. I've got a solution. You guys should switch seats throughout the flight, while Quackers has the Aisle seat.
*QuackersClocks: What! That's not fair!
*Tnickelss: I mean, nobody likes you.
*QuackersClocks: That's why I NEED the window seat.
*Tnickelss: Doesn't matter. Now, let's all go to Tnickelssland!
*Absorbantsy: Um, I hate to burst your bubble, but this is a flight to Epstein Island.
*[The passengers gasp.]
*Tnickelss: Oh, shoot! Everybody, this is the wrong flight! We've gotta go!
*Ttiumios10: Can we still go to Epstein Island, I hear it's kind of-
*Tnickelss: No.
*Ttiumios10: Oh, fiddlesticks!
*[They all jump out of the plane windows.]
*QuackersClocks: This isn't good. How are we gonna fly without Windows?
*Windows XP: It's okay, I'll fix it.
*[Steel Licks 44 plays. Transition to the next scene.]
*Absorbantsy: I'm bored!
*Party Noob: Yeah! This plane makes me YAWN!
*QuackersClocks: I've got an idea!
*[QuackersClocks pulls a quarter out of his pocket.]
*QuackersClocks: We could flip a coin!
*Absorbantsy: How could we make that interesting?
*Party Noob: Ooh, ooh! I know! We can be like... If the coin lands on heads, Quackers has to... hmm, what should he do?
*Absorbantsy: I know! Quackers has to do the dab and say "Do you know the way?" to the flight attendant!
*[Party Noob flips the coin. It lands on heads.]
*QuackersClocks: What! That's so raven!
*[Absorbantsy and Party Noob giggle as the flight attendant comes out.]
*Flight Attendant: I heard you need some assistance, Quackers. What do you need?
*QuackersClocks: Uh... ummm...
*[Absorbantsy and Party Noob are trying not to laugh.]
*QuackersClocks: (Does the Dab) Do you know the way?
*[Absorbantsy and Party Noob bust out laughing, the flight attendant, however, is not amused.]
*Flight Attendant: I don't get paid enough for this...
*[She goes away.]
*QuackersClocks: Okay, since you want to embarass me so much, Absorbantsy...
*[Absorbantsy gulps.]
*QuackersClocks: If the coin lands on heads, everybody BUT me is gay. If it lands on tails, everybody BUT me is lesbian!
*Absorbantsy: What! That makes no sense. We're not even women, I think.
*[QuackersClocks flips the coin, It lands on heads.]
*Absorbantsy: What! I'm not gay!
*Party Noob: I wish I were lesbian.. that flag has such cool colors...
*[Transition to later. Absorbantsy has just finished a bottle of Wharmpus.]
*Absorbantsy: Gee, that was really good.
*[Suddenly, Party Noob gets an idea.]
*Party Noob: We should play Spin the Bottle!
*[Bell Hop plays.]
*QuackersClocks: Are you sure we should play that?
*Party Noob: Well, I mean there's nobody else around! And we've got a bottle right here!
*[Suddenly, the plane lands.]
*QuackersClocks: Alright, people! Time to go to Epstein Island!
*Party Noob: D'oh!
*[They leave the plane, and are greeted by Jeffrey Epstein.]
*Jeffrey Epstein: Welcome to my private island!
*Party Noob: Hi, Geoff!
*Jeffrey Epstein: My name's Jeff. Anyway, would you like me to show you around?
*Absorbantsy: Absolutely!
*Jeffrey Epstein: Alright, let me show you around.
*[Cut to above the island.]
*Kuromi: We've been traveling three days without finding land. Maybe we should just kill ourselves.
*Baku: Woah! I think I just found something!
*Kuromi: What! Where?
*[Cut a shot of the island from above.]
*Kuromi: Finally, some land! Let's go!
*[Cut back to their tour.]
*QuackersClocks: Hmm, something doesn't feel quite right here...
*Absorbantsy: Yeah, I'm starting to get a bit uneasy again
*Party Noob: Aw, come on, guys! Let's not ruin the fun vibe! We're on an adventure!
*[Suddenly, they see Stephen Hawking.]
*QuackersClocks: Hey, isn't that Stephen Hawking?
*Absorbantsy: Yeah, it is! But what's with the midgets?
*Party Noob: I'm sure it's fine!
*[Confused, they approach him. As they do that, it begins to get cloudy and rainy]
*QuackersClocks: Hey, Stephen! What's going on, here?
*Stephen Hawking (through his voice computer thing): None of your beeswax! Now leave us alone!
*Party Noob: Whoa... that was weird.
*Absorbantsy: Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen Stephen Hawking act like that before. I thought he was a nerd and such.
*QuackersClocks: Something fishy is definitely going on here. We need to be careful.
*Party Noob: I... I think you might be right. This island doesn't seem as fun as I thought it would be. Even if it's my birthday, I think we'll need to stop partying.
*QuackersClocks: Oh, happy birthday! How old are you turning?
*Party Noob: I dunno I lost track.
*QuackersClocks: How do you not know how old you are?
*Party Noob: My birthday is everyday, dude!
*QuackersClocks: Oh! That explains it!
*[Cut back to Kuromi.]
*Kuromi: I hate being shoe-horned into everything Then bends creates!
*Baku: Don't worry, it's alright.
*[They look around, and they see Stephen Hawking. They hide behind a bush.]
*Kuromi: This wasn't a regular old, island, fool! This was...
*[The camera zooms in on Kuromi.]
*Kuromi: Epstein Island!
*Baku: What's so bad about that?
*Stephen Hawking (through his voice computer thing): I smell something.
*Kuromi: Yipe! (Whispering) Baku, don't make any sudden noises!
*Baku: (loudly) Okay!
*[Stephen Hawking turns to the bush, and grabs Kuromi.]
*Stephen Hawking: This'll be a good specimen.
*Kuromi: Hey, where are you taking me?
*Stephen Hawking: Shh, shh. It's okay. You'll get used to it!
*[Stephen Hawking takes Kuromi away.]
*Kuromi: NOOOOOOO!!!!
*[Thunder strikes. Cut back to their tour.]
*QuackersClocks: Hey, Jeffrey. W-what's going on here?
*[Jeffrey Epstein looks back at Quackers, angrily.]
*Jeffrey Epstein: Nothing is wrong here. Nothing. Anyway, back to our tour.
*QuackersClocks: (Whispering) Guys, something feels seriously off about this place. Did you see the way Jeff reacted when I asked him what was going on?
*Absorbantsy: (Whispering) Yeah, and did you notice how Stephen Hawking was acting? It's like they're hiding something.
*Party Noob: (Whispering) I-I don't like this, guys. I thought this island was supposed to be fun, but now I'm scared.
*Then bends: (whispering) That's very out of character.
*QuackersClocks: (Whisperyelling) HOW DID YOU GET HERE?
*Then bends: (whispering) Well, I own the show. I can write myself in whenever I want.
*Jeffrey Epstein: Ooh! I've gotta go to the loo!
*[Jeffrey Epstein runs goofily to the restroom. Steel Licks 40 plays.]
*QuackersClocks: There's our chance of escape! What do you say, let's book it?
*Absorbantsy: Yeah, we should get out of here.
*[They run.]
*Party Noob: Look guys! A Canoe!
*QuackersClocks: Quick, hop in before they notice we're gone!
*[The three hop in the canoe.]
*Absorbantsy: Phew! Disaster averted!
*[They look around, and notice Kuromi is locked up with Stephen Hawking.]
*Absorbantsy: Look over there! It's Kuromi, and she's locked up! And is that... Stephen Hawking?
*QuackersClocks: We need to get help. Something terrible is happening on this island, and we can't just leave Kuromi behind.
*Party Noob: Are you sure? Should we get involved?
*[Pause.]
*QuackersClocks, Absorbantsy and Party Noob: Nah!
*Party Noob: Let's get out of here!
*[They row their boat, gently down the ocean.]
*Absorbantsy: You know what? I'm never trusting Jeffrey Epstein again! I think he's got a screw loose!
*Party Noob: Well at least we all escaped together! It would've been bad if one of us was left behind.
*QuackersClocks: Yeah... Kuromi.
*Absorbantsy: So, Party Noob, tell us more about yourself.a
*Party Noob: Oh, where do I even begin? Well, as you can see, I'm always ready to party!
*[Suddenly, Quackers USB drive falls out into the ocean.]
*QuackersClocks: Oh no my Ch-
*[He looks at Absorbantsy.]
*QuackersClocks: My collection of passwords! Absorbantsy, we gotta get them!
*Absorbantsy: Yeah, I love your... passwords!
*[The two jump in the ocean, and start swimming desperately for the USB drive.]
*Party Noob: Well, I guess I'm all alone.
*[Party Noob makes a smug face, and a zipper noise is heard. Cut to a shot of the boat riding off into the sunset. The end. Fade to black.]
*[Fade in from black. SF99 is walking Tit 2 on the ocean, while Quackers and Absorbantsy are still looking for the hard drive.]
*SF99: (Opens his eyes.) Woah! How long have I been walking for?
*Tit 2: Meow.
*SF99: Oh, crap!
*[SF99 tries to run back to Bikini Bottom, but falls in the ocean. The end for realz.]
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