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You could go up to almost anybody in the United States and ask them what they think is the biggest problem with the U.S., ignorance or apathy? And you know what they'd say? I don't know and I don't care....
Richard Allen 1994
My first Gun Caller...
The chief counselor answered the telephone and from the look in Brians face, this caller was a wild one. Brian told the caller he was transferring him to me. While the caller was ringing on my line, Brian looked me in the eye and told me he had a funny feeling about this caller. He sounds pretty serious, Brian said. I had never seen Brian look so concerned when he had transferred a call to me. I had a funny feeling about this one too. I took a deep breath, prayed to God and picked up the receiver.
Hi Ken this is Rich, what's going on tonight. Ken was 19 years old and was crying nervously. He told me he was doing shitty. I asked him what happened tonight? He responded, tonight? It's more than tonight. I noticed he was shaking uncontrollably as he cried. I just want the pain to stop...I can't take it anymore. He cried uncrontrollably, shaking his words like he couldn't breath. He told me he had taken two hits of speed, drank more than 8 beers, and had just done some pot. 
Then he said something that scared the hell out of me. I had never been more afraid than now. It was quiet in that glass room where I sat and you could cut the tension with a knife. Ken then said that he was holding a gun and wanted to stop. I froze. Still, I remembered this was a young mans life in the balance. He had called me to keep him from killing himself and here I was freezing up. It only took less than 5 seconds for me to spring into action. Ken, I said, could you try to put the gun in the other room? He said he was trying to put it down but he couldn't, he just couldn't.
I had arrived at the conclusion that this could end in a death. My ears even flinched as I anticipated the shot blast of the gun. I kept talking to him as I pressed the panick button. The panick button was a button we pressed that sounded an alarm outside my soundproof room. Although quiet in here, it rang loudly outside calling the attention to Brian who could immediatly call the police. The police can trace any number we give them so they can immediatly speed over to the victims house to further thwart the callers efforts to end his or her life. It was a great system.
As Brian came over to the glass I held up a piece of paper that I had been writing on. I had circled in bold circling "He's got a gun"! Brian was cool and calm, something I really needed at this time. He began writing as I calmly talked to Ken. Brian came back to the window and I anxiously awaited for his response to me. I was stuck and my mind was blank of any answers to give this young man. As Brian held up the paper it said "Rich, try not to worry about the gun, concentrate on the caller". Brian did not begin to trace the call. He felt I had the skills to bring the caller through.
I began keeping Ken talking, asking him again and again what happened tonight. He seemed like he wanted to avoid it. I persisted until he finally told me he had done the drugs and had gotten in three fights tonight. He went on and on telling me how he hated how he acted when he was on them. I asked him how long he was doing drugs. He told me he had been clean for a couple of years but now he was on them again. Then he brought up something that I believed to be the real issue that was causing him to due the junk he was doing.
He confessed to me that his dad had cheated on his wife and although his parents were still married, it bothered Ken. He told me how his dad would take him over the other womans house and have Ken play with her kid while they did the unmentionable in the other room. It really bothered Ken and he began crying yet again. He seemed to be coming off a bad, bad trip. I told Ken to hang on I would go through the shit with him. He cried as we just sat there for about an hour. All the while I prayed to God for him not to pull the trigger. Any moment it could happen but I tried not to think about it. Brian came in the glass room and handed me a note. It said:
Your doing great, keep him talking
seems like he's coming down
I'm going to find a telephone number that
you can give him to help him get off of the drugs
Ken I said, You did the right thing by calling us. Don't ever, ever, ever, ever make any decision while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. The drugs and alcohol end up making the decision for you. Now Ken can you here me o.k? He softly said yes. I asked him if we wanted to stop the drugs. He said yes. I told him it was going to be hard but you can do it don't you think so? He said yes. I told him to write the numbers down I was about to give him. He immediatly said O.K. As I gave him the numbers to 4 good resources he kept saying uh hu.....uh hu, as I spoke the telephone numbers to him. 
He was so eager to get those telephone numbers. He told me he was going to call them right then. Take it easy.....I said. Thank you, Ken said. He hung up the phone. I sat there my head pounding now from the pressure but God I felt good! Light as a feather. I had saved this young mans life. How peculiar it was to talk to someone that I will never meet or see but what we went through together that early morning will stay with us forever.
The worst thing about being on the Suicide Prevention Center Volunteer line is never being able to meet the people that call you. I could have easily cried as I listened to Ken reaching out with all his might. I don't know how I would have felt if he would have shot and killed himself. I don't mean to be selfish and think about the way I would feel but it's something that I had never thought about until the night with Ken. Maybe I should think about it now. 
What happened the night a Jew and a Christian made peace.....
The evening was ice cold that Friday evening the 18th of November as I drove up the security parking ramp. My Christian friend Brian (the chief consultant) would not be there tonight because he had a business trip out of town. He is an engineer. So tonight there was going to be a different consultant standing in for Brian. I had never been on the line with a different chief consultant before. You might be thinking that I'm putting to much emphasis on the consultant but when you are in there talking to a person with a gun to their temple the consultant is the person who watches the tone in your voice, the expression on your face. They are the ones who have put in, not just months, but years and years of listening and counseling. 
Naturally you can see why it is so important to click with your consultant. When I walked into the room there were people there that I didn't know. Other volunteers like myself. One woman I knew was Michael. Michael was an admitted Lesbian. She had short hair and was very pretty. She also is friendly to me and others around her. When I look into her eyes I see sadness. She seems to be searching for something in her life to fulfill her. I would like to get to know her more not because I would like to date her or go our with her but because I would just like to be her friend.
Now when I looked to see who the chief consultant was I saw a rather short guy who looked about 20 years old. He had brown hair and round glasses. I had later found out that he was Jewish. I told him "God bless you". He looked at me curiously. I then told him the reason I was saying this. I explained to him that in the bible it says "who ever blesses the Jews, shall be blessed, and who ever curses the Jews, shall be cursed. He smiled and laughed. Then he told me that he was happy to meet somebody who is not angry with the Jews.
His name was Gene. A real funny guy. He looked familiar to me. He told me he was an actor at one time but got out of it. I had seen him on Citibank Visa commercials and he was in a movie. This guy was hilariously funny. I told him he should have been a comedian. Between his comedy and mine we laughed and joked for a long time. We also talked about the jewish religion and christianity. He talked about Jesus and I was surprised to hear a jew talk about jesus. I told him "wait a minute, let me ask you a question". He immediatly smiled and, as if he was reading my mind responded to the question I was going to ask him. He said "No I don't consider jesus my lord and saviour".
He knew what I was going to ask him without me having to ask! Evidently he had discussed this a time or two with other people. I had never understood how somebody could believe that Jesus had lived yet they don't believe he rose? He told me that if Jesus was the messiah, and he was here already, than why do we still have wars? See, jews believe that when the messiah comes he will stop all wars. This statement is agreed by christians and does not go against christian belief. In the context of the words "will stop all wars", it does not say that he is going to stop them immediatly when he comes to earth and it doesn't say that he will stop them at a pre-designated time either.
It simply says he will stop all wars. Just because wars are still raging does not mean that the messiah has not come. Let me give you an example. Lets say that I tell you that I am going to marry you. Just because you and I are going out and we are not married does not mean that I am not your future husband right? Heres more things I told Gene...
 PROOF THAT JESUS LIVED, DIED, AND ROSE..
 It is an historical fact that a man named Jesus lived.
The most stubborn so called ATHEIST would admit to that. It
is a fact that is easy to prove. When the Jews were able to
have Jesus crucified they made sure that there were roman
soldiers guarding his tomb which was covered with a huge
stone. The Jews did not want Jesus teachings to survive.
They remembered that Jesus said he would raise himself on the
third day. Therefore the Jews feared that the disciples
would come, steal the body, and then say he had risen. This
is why the roman soldiers where there.
 If you do not believe in Jesus I would point you to the
historical fact that he lived. If you then say he was just a
man I would say to you he either had to be crazy, a liar, or
who he said he was. Let me ask you a question. WHERE IS
JESUS BURIED? Nobody will ever be able to find his tomb.
You do not save an empty tomb. He is not there. Don't you
think that the Jews would have kept his tomb as proof that he
was a fraud? Here are the 3 arguments against Jesus rising.
1. The disciples stole the body
Wrong. It doesn't make sense. First of all the disciples
had to get past the roman soldiers. The disciples were so
scattered and scared they wouldn't attempt it.
2. The Jews took the body
Wrong again. If the Jews took the body they would hold it up
in the air and say here it is, here it is. He was a fraud!
3. Jesus was in a coma state and woke up and got well
Wrong, very wrong. If you have studied the roman crucifixion
thoroughly like I have, you will see that NOBODY had ever
survived. Even if he did, he would still have to roll the
stone and then get past the guards in his physical state. If
you know the pain and suffering of Roman crucifixion, this is
impossible.
 Jesus had to have risen! I am not a Catholic, Jehovah
Witness, etc..I am not pushing any religion. I am pushing
Jesus. All the other religions fall to Jesus. Buddah said
he found a way to work out his carma. He never said to
follow him, he never performed miracles. He died, and he
stayed dead. Confucious had devised a legalistic way for
society to solve its problems yet he never promised
everlasting life. Mohammed never had the truth. When asked
to perform a miracle he said he didn't have any, just the
book that he had written.
 Jesus said, "I am the way". Nobody comes to the father
unless by me. He also said I am the truth and the life. I
am the door, the sheep gate. Those who come in any
other way but by the gate are thieves and robbers. Jesus
rose from the dead. When they asked Jesus for a sign he said
"a weak and perverse nation desires a sign but no sign will
be given it except the sign of Jonah, for as Jonah was in the
belly of the fish for 3 days, so shall the son of Man be in
the belly of the earth. But Jesus rose. Out of all these
men who would you like to follow?
When I was finished Gene was speechless. What could he say? Gene still holds on to his beliefs that Jesus was not the Messiah. It is natural for a christian to be angry with a jew since not believing Christ is our saviour after all he did for us, is almost evil to a christian. Still I love the jews. They are Gods chosen people. I told Gene that Jesus wasn't sent to divide jew against gentile. We both believe in God and I respect your beliefs. I believe that you will go to heaven. I also expect for you to respect my beliefs. He said he could. 
It was pretty slow on the line tonight. That's good! I took a call from a 66 year old lady that was feeling lonely around these holiday seasons. Gene got a call and he let me listen in on it. This helps me improve on my listening skills as Gene has been on the line longer than I have. He got a call from a girl that said she could have been anything she wanted to be. She was 100 pounds, blonde hair and blue eyes. She said she had a body and a face that wouldn't quit. Gene and I looked at each other everytime she talked about her body and her looks because that had nothing to do with her previous problems. She said that she lived out in the dessert 20 miles from only a store. She had 2 kids 6 and 4. She was thinking of killing herself with a gun but she said that her boyfriend had hid the clip. Anyway the conversation went on and on and Gene was able to calm her down. When your on the line with the opposite sex and they are under so much stress and reaching out, they sometimes become attracted to you because you are the only one who cares about them. The girl, who shall be anonymous, asked for Genes home number. Gene explained to her that he couldn't give her the number because we were not allowed. This was true. She begged and told him that maybe they could meet secretly. Gene stood firm and told her he thought it best that they don't. They talked for a few minutes more and then said goodbye. 
This is the end of this input.