Clustershulk

On August 5th of 2005, an episode of Spongebob Squarepants by the name of Clustershulk that was never supposed to be seen by the general public was accidentally aired on live tv. Said episode contained content that belonged nowhere near a kid’s television network such as Nick. Due to this, the episode was never seen again, becoming an obscure incident that few remember. Despite this, many viewers of the episode managed to get pictures of it and provide a full plot synopsis of its events. 
Unfortunately, a recording of Clustershulk is not available, and it’s unknown if anyone did get a video of it. If so, they have not currently made it accessible to the public, and are not expected to, due to the mentality of some to keep rare pieces of media such as Clustershulk to themselves so as to not decrease its value. Regardless, there thankfully is enough information on the episode to understand its plot, alongside what it looked like. Provided below is a full description of Clustershulk’s alleged events, and some photos taken by the user Kirk Davidson on Reddit.
The episode begins with the title card, entirely skipping the usual Spongebob intro. The title card lacks any music or jingle, simply displaying the name Clustershulk with a blue tiki backdrop as seen in previous tile cards. Afterwards, it fades out, then in with a wide shot of Bikini Bottom at night, with some soft, barely audible ambience playing in the background. After a few seconds, the scene slowly fades out to show another wide shot, this one of the Krusty Krab. The camera then slowly zooms in on the restaurant before abruptly cutting inside.
There in the register booth lied Squidward, his eyes fixated on a magazine he was reading as he wore his usual, dull expression. After a few seconds, the sound of someone or something tapping on glass can be heard, catching Squidward’s attention. He puts his magazine down and looks up, with the camera cutting to the front of the restaurant, only for there to be… nothing. Squidward sighs, pulling his magazine back up and continuing to read it. A few more seconds later, the glass tapping can be heard again.Now annoyed, Squidward angrily puts his magazine down again before looking back up, the camera once again cutting to the front of the restaurant. Instead of nothing however, a familiar figure can be seen standing outside the Krusty Krabby next to the front window on the right, Squidward. This presumed clone of Squidward stands there, wearing a blank expression as he stares ahead, making no abrupt movement or sign of emotion.
The camera then cuts back to Squidward, a look of shock plastered on his face as he breathes heavily. As the camera cuts back to the front, with Squidward’s doppelganger continuously standing there, frozen, it suddenly sprints to the right, with almost impossible speed. The camera shows Squidward, surprised, yet confused as he stands there, before realization hits him as he says- “the backdoor-”
A majority of viewers note that Squidward in this episode is not voiced by Rodger Bumpass, sounding like a competent mimic, yet at the same time, going out of character with some of his lines. After he speaks, Squidward frantically fumbles out of the register booth, sprinting inside the kitchen, with the camera following him in the process. As he enters, he notices the backdoor to be wide open. Squidward shakes in fear as his pupils catch something in the corner of his eye, turning his head to see what, only to be met with the doppelganger from earlier, except far more abstract. His appearance is entirely green, with spots covering his entire body, almost as if he had the texture of an actual squid layered on top of him. 
Octopus tentacles sprout out of his mouth as coral comes out of the top and both sides of his head. Then, there was his face, having a pitch black hole covering the majority of it, with a heavily distorted human face popping out. As the doppelganger stands there, the camera cuts to Squidward’s face, a look of complete terror plastered on it as he shakes violently, sweat pouring down his brow. Abruptly, the background turns to pitch black, catching Squidward’s attention as he turns around, only to find that his surroundings have turned to a black abyss.
As Squidward looks around, still shook by what he saw, the sound of water can be heard behind him. He quickly spins around, only to find that the environment had changed from the endless black, to a photo of a coral reef, with the doppelganger standing in the center. Suddenly, green text appears in the top center of the screen.
“Look at me please. What do you see? It’s not you, it never was. Every time you looked inside a mirror, you saw me. You saw my beauty, my perfection, my grandeur. How could you mistake me, with you?”
Squidward looks on, wearing a confused, yet petrified expression. Suddenly, it cut to the doppelganger again, now on top of a stage, a spotlight shining upon him, now accompanied by more green text.
“Look at all the people who’ve come to see my performance tonight. The crowd adoring my very existence, begging to hear my song. You’ve gotten crowds, theaters full of them. Not to hear your song however. To mock you, to guffaw out your very existence. Your music, your performance will never be as elegant, as savory as mine.”
Interspersed with the text are scenes with the doppelganger's crowd cheering, clapping loudly as the sound of an elegant clarinet solo can be heard in the background. Squidward looks on, his scared expression turning to one of melancholy as after seeing the doppelganger's audience, he then sees his own during his concerts, booing and laughing at him as he plays his mediocre clarinet solo. Once again, the camera focuses on the doppelganger, once again standing in a new environment, this one being the Krusty Krab’s kitchen as he flips a burger patty, more green text accompanying him as well. 
“Look at the job I have. I worked my way up from manning a cash register, to serving the best patties in Bikini Bottom, better than even that sponge. My boss respects me, paying me handsomely as I satisfy each customer, giving them mouth watering, divine food to die for. Day by day they line up, just to eat my food, to fill their greedy bellies with what I have to offer. Your job will never be as good as mine.”
Once again, the text was interspersed with the doppelganger’s customers ravingly chomping down on his food as Mr. Krabs invites the doppelganger into his office, giving him a large bag of money as the two chuckle loudly. Squidward looks at it all, sadder than before as he wears a deep frown seeing his current work life in the Krusty Krab, with customers heckling him for long wait times and wrong orders as Mr. Krabs chastises and lowers his pay. The doppelganger once again appears in a new location, this one being inside an unknown house with a lady squid, one that shares an appearance similar to Squilvia, more green text appearing in the process.
“Look at the love I found, the friends I have. They enjoy my presence, like my company, call me over to their homes for a drink and a chat, laughing at the good memories we’ve made and the ones to come. My girlfriend loves me to death, savoring our relationship, the time we’ve had together, everything. They all love me, they see me for who I am, they like me for it, and not just my fame, my fortune. Even the Sponge and the Star, I finally got to know them, to be their friends, to understand and enjoy them. Your “friends” will never be as good as mine.”
Once more, interspersed between the text was the doppelganger hanging out with his friends and girlfriend, showing the time they spent, with even Spongebob and Patrick being there. Squidward is completely devastated at this point, beginning to weep as he looks on at his lack of friends, Spongebob and Patrick annoying him, and no love life to speak of as no one shows up to his birthdays, his parties, anything, with him just being alone. One last time, the doppelganger appears in a new location, this one being the black abyss from earlier, accompanied by a final row of text.
“Look at my life. Full of meaning, full of people who love, and who I love back. I’ve accomplished so much, gained so much, I couldn’t be happier than I am now. So tell me, what makes your life as good as mine? We both know the answer. Generous as I am though, talking to someone of the likes of you, here’s my final piece of advice. Make everyone scream your name. Then you will be a fraction of my worth.”
The camera cut to Squidward’s face, no longer wearing a look of dejection, but of emptiness. As it held on him, the scene abruptly cut to him back inside the register booth, standing there with that same look of emptiness. Suddenly, he left the booth, with the camera following him as he went out the front doors of the Krusty Krab, walking down the street. His walk went on for a full five minutes before he arrived on his street, passing Spongebob’s pineapple before turning to his house and going inside. The camera followed him as he went upstairs, walked down his hallway, and turned to enter the clarinet room. The camera did not follow him inside however, holding on the clarinet room’s door.
After a few seconds of silence, the sound of a gunshot can be heard, alongside the visual of a flash of light under the clarinet room’s door. Afterwards, the sound of a faint thump can be heard. A few more seconds later, the episode cuts to black, before fading into its final image, that being of Squidward lying on the ground, his head blown open as blood pools underneath.
Next to his corpse lied the cause of his death, a double barrel shotgun. It holds on this disturbing sight for a while, as faint, melancholic music can be heard in the background, before the camera slowly zooms out of the shot, eventually cutting to black. After this, the coming up next on Nick screen appeared, a stark contrast from what conspired before.
As you’d imagine, a cluster of angry phone calls and emails flooded Nickelodeon’s office, with parents rightfully furious at the disturbing content their kids had witnessed. Nickelodeon made a response shortly afterwards, admitting fault for the incident due to behind the scenes negligence from their broadcasting studio. They also claimed that the episode was aired by mistake, being accidentally submitted to the office and mixed up with the episode that was supposed to air. Fortunately for Nick, a majority of parents were quelled by this response. For teenage and older fans however, they found the statement to be questionable and full of holes.
Because of this, one fan by the name of Albert managed to get in contact with an employee at Nick who was involved in Spongebob’s production who wished to remain anonymous. The anonymous employee stated that Nickelodeon were being true about behind the scenes incompetence and the airing of the episode being an accident. The origin of the episode meanwhile was completely made up. Instead, the episode was actually created by an employee at Nick who also worked on Spongebob, someone who the anonymous employee knew closely.
The episode was the employee’s vent tape, using it to get his emotions out while working on the show. When the anonymous employee was asked what emotions his friend was venting out, he said that he didn’t know, but that he expected that it was because of his break up with his girlfriend, his bad work life, and his recent depression diagnosis. Despite the anonymous employee not stating his friend’s name, Spongebob fans managed to uncover it anyway. A day after Albert’s interview with the employee, news broke about a man by the name of Gabriel Hansen being found dead inside his apartment.
The cause was suicide, with a double barrel shotgun being found next to his mangled corpse. Spongebob fans managed to quickly piece together that Gabriel was Clustershulk’s creator, not only because of the model of shotgun he used in his suicide being the same one Squidward used in the episode, but also because Gabriel worked at Nickelodeon on Spongebob. Clustershulk now remains as a haunting memory, both as a man venting out his emotions through an artform he loved, and as his plan to end his own life.
Category:SpongeBob
Category:Lost Episodes
Category:Nicktoons
Category:Nickelodeon