Squirrel and Plankton Fight Remade

Squirrel and Plankton Fight Remade Remade is the fifth episode of the first season of Leader Plankton! Remade, and the fifth episode overall.
== Plot ==
Plankton and Mr. Krabs start rival protests regarding the new abortion laws in Bikini Bottom.
== Transcript ==
(The episode begins with Plankton painting on a sign in his lab, when Karen enters the room)
Karen: Plankton, what are you doing?
Plankton: Never you mind, Karen! This is serious. Nothing a WOMAN could handle.
(Karen runs over Plankton.)
Karen: Now tell me what’s going on.
Plankton: Fine! An abortion clinic just opened downtown!
Karen: And?
Plankton: (Holds sign up saying "ABOLISH ABORTION") So I am protesting downtown later today!
Karen: And why do you even remotely care about abortion? I’m literally a computer. The only specimen in my womb are viruses, and your free trial of Avast is basically like a constant abortion.
Plankton: Karen, never say that again.
Karen: Well, I wouldn't be saying that if it weren't the truth now, would I?
Plankton: Just go back to doing the dishes or something, woman! And the last sandwich you made for me had crust on it. You know how I feel about crust!
(Karen runs him over 3 times in a row)
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick walking to the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Patrick! Did you hear there’s an abortion clinic opening up downtown?
Patrick: Oh boy! What kinda food do they sell there?
SpongeBob: Oh, don’t be silly, Patrick. Fetuses aren’t edible.
Patrick: They have told me a lot of things aren't edible, but has that stopped me before? No!
(SpongeBob scooches 5 feet away from Patrick)
(Cut to Krabs in his office, sniffing his money, when the words "abortion clinic" echo through the room; Krabs screams and runs out the door)
Krabs: Did I just hear you say Abortion Clinic???
Random Bystander: No. 
Krabs: Not you!
(Krabs rips the bystander in half to reveal SpongeBob and Patrick standing behind them)
SpongeBob: Yeah, why?
Krabs: SpongeBoy me Bob, I have been waiting for that abortion clinic to open up for months!
SpongeBob: Wait, why?
Krabs: I want to storm down there and preach for pro-choice! I know a ton of pro-life HIPPIES will be there!
Patrick: Hippies? Finally something to eat around here.
Krabs: Patrick, I thought I banned you from entering Krusty Krab premises.
(Squidward enters, laughing)
Squidward: Do you REALLY think that the abortion clinic will get anything done before King Neptune passes that law?
(Squilliam enters, laughing)
Squilliam: Do you REALLY think that the–Oh. I see Squidward has already said this line.
Krabs: Shouldn't you be in New Kelp City or something?
Cameraman: Squilliam, get off the set! 
Squilliam: Fine! I got some fine ass bitches waiting in my pimped out ride anyway. (Squilliam rips off his current clothes to reveal he is wearing stereotypical "pimp" clothing as he struts out the door)
SpongeBob: Squidward, what’s this law about?
Squidward: Well, SpongeBob, I’m afraid that King Neptune isn’t gonna let you kill any more babies with his new law! Abortion will be made illegal for all women - unless in the case of childbirth endangering the mother!
Patrick: That seems really unfair to me, as I for one believe that women have the fundamental right to own what occurs in their lives, and it is a human necessity to understand the consequences of childbirth and parenthood before launching an unprepared woman into what can be a very difficult lifestyle adjustment.
(Patrick vomits; awkward silence)
Squidward: So… anyway, good luck with those pro-choice campaigns! Nyah nyah nyah! (He walks outside and gets run over by a huge truck)
(Cut to a protest in Bikini Bottom near the abortion clinic, where both pro-choice protesters, led by Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob, and pro-life protesters, led by Plankton and Larry the Lobster, are yelling over megaphones and holding up slogans on signs)
Krabs: What the fuck??? Why is Plankton here???
Plankton: What the fuck??? Why is Krabs here???
Krabs: Plankton, you are fucking pro-life ??
Plankton: Yes, I am! A baby is a baby, and opening an establishment which carries out acts of baby murder is incredibly unethical and goes against God's great views of the Earth!
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, well go fuck yourself.
Plankton: Eugene, we can solve this peacefully. Now simply if you and your cronies agree to stop murdering babies, we can all put down our pitchforks and live happily ever after.
Mr. Krabs: NEVER! Women should have equal rights to do what they want to their bodies as men do. Everyone, what separates Patrick Star from Sandy Cheeks?
(Thousands of Bikini Bottomites put their hands up)
Mr. Krabs: Okay then, what separates SpongeBob SquarePants from Mrs Puff?
Mrs Puff: (on Plankton’s side of the protest) A restraining order.
SpongeBob: Wait, Mrs. Puff is pro-life?
Krabs: You people are a bunch of fucking sick hippies!
Larry the Lobster: STOP THE STEAL!
Nat Peterson: Oh boy.
(The protests start getting violent and we see some of the scenes from across Bikini Bottom. First is Old Man Jenkins, trying to get to his newspaper that is just a few metres away)
Sandy Cheeks: I’m afraid yer ain’ havin’ this newspaper til you tell me your views on abortion!
Old Man Jenkins: A portion? A portion of what?
Sandy Cheeks: Hi-yah!
(Sandy kicks Old Man Jenkins into a nearby crowd of pro-life protesters, including Larry the Lobster)
Larry: LET’S GO JENKINS!
Old Man Jenkins: I don't even care about abortion! Why do you people care so much about whether or not a baby gets murdered? Does this really affect your day to day lives?
Larry: KILL THE CENTRIST!
(They beat Jenkins to death)
(The second scene of the protest shows Gary the Snail crawling all over the exterior of the Krusty Krab in fear of all of the violence)
Gary: Meow… meow meow meow! 
SpongeBob: Gary! I know it’s scary, Gar Bear, but if we can’t protest our right to abort fetuses, then what else can’t we do? Bear arms?
Gary: Meow… 
(Gary takes a Glock out of his shell)
SpongeBob: Exactly, Gary! Now come on and let’s protest so King Neptune can’t make 2022 the new 1984.
(The third and final scene of the protest shows Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy on opposite sides of the protest)
Mermaid Man: I think that WOMEN should do as they are told! If I need dishes done, they should get their asses over to the damn kitchen!
Barnacle Boy: Mermaid Man, I’ve been cleaning your dishes for the past century.
Mermaid Man: Well then, I guess you’re a WOMAN, you tr[Dolphin chirp]!
Barnacle Boy: Don’t nobody call me a transgender! That’s worse than being pro-life!
Mermaid Man: Well, I’m glad we can agree on something. Hey, we can be a duo again! The two of us solving crime like we used to back in the day.
Barnacle Boy: Heh, that would be terrific! After all, there’s just as many superheroes in Bikini Bottom as there are genders.
Mermaid Man: Together, we can stop the Transgender Menace!
Man Ray: Bruh I at least thought you guys weren’t fucking bigots. Jesus fuck I may be a god damn villain but at least I ain't no fucking bigoted old man! 
(Gary pops out with a Glock)
Gary: Meow meow meow!
(He fires a couple rounds, hitting Mermaid Man in the chest. We hear a faint “My leg!”)
Barnacle Boy: 49% OF TRANSGENDER PEOPLE COMMIT SUICIDE! (He gets shot 3 times in the chest and dies)
SpongeBob: That’ll do ‘em, Gary. No TERFs in Bikini Bottom.
Larry: Bruh, these LIBERALS get offended by ANYTHING! (Goes on a long, angry rant about pronouns and gender and how Trump should have won the election)
(Suddenly, as the violence gets worse and worse, an angelic harmony rings through the town as a silhouette of a man descends from the clouds)
Krabs: Is that… who I think that is?
SpongeBob: Who do you think it is?
Krabs: Former President Barack Obama.
(The angelic voice calmly talks to Bikini Bottom)
Angelic Voice: Mr. Krabs, I am not who you think I am. But Obama is pretty close, I’m not gonna lie.
Mr. Krabs: Then who are ya?
Angelic Voice: Not important. What is important is that you all stop this senseless violence. Just because you have a disagreement about how humans should behave doesn’t mean you all have to behave like bloodthirsty animals. This is why we created governments, to decide on these matters.
Patrick: But what if the government is corrupt, Mr. Obama?
Angelic Voice: Well, Patrick, I didn’t really think about that. 
(The angel snaps their fingers and a bolt of lightning strikes the abortion clinic, blowing it up)
Larry: LETS FUCKIN GOOOOOO!
(Another bolt of lightning strikes Larry the Lobster, killing him)
Angelic Voice: Try stopping THAT steal motherfucker. Now, with no abortion clinic, there is no dispute, so you guys can all live peacefully.
Gary: Meow…
SpongeBob: But Obama, that doesn’t solve the problem at hand. Where do women go now if they don’t want to keep their baby?
Angelic Voice: Okay, stop calling me Obama. And I don’t know, maybe Somalia? I’m not an expert on baby-killing.
(The beam of light vanishes and the protesters look into the sky wondering what just happened. There is a long pause before The Flying Dutchman finally breaks the ice) 
The Flying Dutchman: Boy, that guy was just full of shit, huh?
Plankton: Agreed! Now let’s continue the senseless violence.
[end]
== Trivia ==
* This episode actually has jack shit to do with Leader Plankton!
Category:Leader Plankton! Remade
Category:Locknloaded23
Category:Episodes written by AllisonLoaded
Category:JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway
Category:Episodes written by JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway
Category:2022
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:Politics
Category:2020s