The Post-Moviening Arc

this act is still a WIP
=== ACT 9 PRELUDE ===
(insert link to prelude here)
Coconut Chuckster is stuck in her void home when she suddenly notices a mysterious package entitled "ACT 9 - REVENGE OF THE INTENSE MPREG LORE" in said home's floor. Surprisingly, it's a Dreamcast disc! She manages to fit the disc inside her Dreamcast and runs it, ending up in the void being destroyed by a meteor and her being taken to a mysterious new universe…
=== ACT 9 ACT 1: We Must Cook, Jhons ===
It's halloween time in Homestuck City, and during the rebuild of the city's foundation and universe itself thanks to some outside help, Meenah and Jake are being silly as usual. However, a plot is brewing up as Joey Claire's house's candy gets bombarded by greedy trick-or-treaters! To which her nanna dies thanks to the candy bowl having a BOMB!1!1!1 
After that horror, Joey decides to join up in a Halloween party brewing up at the playground, to which a surprise guest appears! 
A strange looking Meenah and The Batterwitch herself appear! However, the strange looking Meenah seems to like writing long-winded messages about random garbage you can make up if you have a good enough keyboard autocorrect. The Batterwitch seems to laugh at these shenanigans, and Joey feels touched by the words to the point where she cries of happiness. What a touching tale…
The Batterwitch ends up leaving out of fear for what she presumes to be her own "daughter", however Mindfang decides to appear… for some reason. Damara is finally in Homestuck City after the events of Act 8 and proceeds to basically make people DIE, thanks to a single word. KJ will definitely defend that statement well… 
Rejected HSRP Characters 101, so she thinks. They continue their silly shenanigans by standing around and conversating, not having a care in the world, until suspiciously…  
the strange looking Meenah DISAPPEARS!!! Everybody wonders where she might've gone, but they realize that it's probably a mistake as the REAL Meenah is out somewhere else with Jake, avoiding the party as much as she could. Could somebody be flipping the script a little? Afterwards, Damara proceeds to leave out of boredom, and everyone ends the party by going to the HAUNTED HOUSE that's located by the McDonald's.
(I'll add an image here eventually)
Unsurprisingly, the party gang are taken away, besides Joey and Mindfang who are left to be the only ones stuck in Homestuck City, as everyone else has disappeared?! They end up finding Meenah and Jake, who are just as conflicted as they are. However, before the party even started, a group of Jhons co-exist with each-other, being sorta siblings. 
"chicken but"
However, after a bit, one of them pulls out a lie detector and it endulges into said jhon's body, turning the jhon into: Sollux W. White.
Said detector (now known as the silly name mentioned before) tells them to cook with him, and leads them into the city's school. 
"is this math cooking au"
A bunch of silly shenanigans later, and he ends up taking them to the one of the school's various classrooms, to which he fails to calm down the "children" and tell them about his miraculous plan. 
He ends up taking them to a nearby McDonald's, to which he sees Nepeta telling Gamzee that she's gonna rail Kurloz. 
Besides that, the daughter (Xeno) goes through a teen phase, ignoring anything that Mr. White says. After tons of convincing, they finally get to the haunted mansion mentioned earlier before this flashback, and manage to cook up a whole slew of toothpaste cookies for the halloween party. To the point where they even avoid a green headed annoyance. 
Afterwards, they go off to sleep in anticipation of the party (go to the beginning of the story for said party's insanity).
There is however, one more side of this story: one of CRONUS AMPORA. After obtaining a quite embarrassing duck costume, he convinces Latula to bond with him for a bit since they hadn't done anything in a while. First bonding moment being: kick pumpkins. 
After that fiasco, Latula ends up running over Cro (with others as well) a bunch of times, as a form of gaming. 
Afterwards, Latula decides to run off to her place in Hiveswap City, and leave Cro to be greeted by Aranea, albeit he's now wearing a cosplay of Horuss.
They talk a bunch, with Aranea being worried about "redeeming herself" after the pain she caused in Act 8, however he simply tells her that she doesn't have to worry too much, and to "b chill". This ends up convincing Aranea to think about it for a few days, and leaves Cro to continue getting run over by fellow Homestuck City cars. Wonder what'll happen in the next act… 
=== ACT 9 INTERMISSION 1: HOMIESUCK PART 1 ===
Sigma Male begins his journey as the coolest male on earth (well supposedly), by checking out his new bedroom, and the introduction of Homiesuck's eggheaded man.
"It appears he's gaming."
After that, Sigma Male continues his little room journey by equipping a power glove and opening up some paper to write down a sign up sheet for "PLAY FUN TIME". 
"SIGMA MALE OPENS UP HIS DRAWER, TO SEE A COPY OF ONE OF THE STUPIDEST GAMES OF ALL TIME, A USELESS LITTLE GLOVE FROM THE 80s, AND THE PAPER YOU NEED FOR YOUR SMALL MISSION."
After making the sign up sheet, Sigma Male goes off to the library and let's people sign up for the Play Fun-Time that's about to commence. But first, Sigma Male calls upon his "FELLOW MAIDENS" to aid in the Play Fun-Time, where Sigma Male tries out fun activities like "pin the tail on the sonichu", or "reaching for a copy of little women". 
(I'll also add the image for this eventually)
Eventually, he decides to force Fruity Pebbles Rocksy-Maiden into becoming a wizard to turn everyone small and let them become her children, to which they trek to the nearby "BORING SCHOOL FOR BORING PEOPLE OF BORINGNESS", to which one of the fellow space maidens decides to pick a fight with Arcfart, which leads to a court case of mathematical situations. Arcfart ends up losing, and gets his various body parts chopped off, to his ultimate demise.
(Insert blah blah blah image of arcfart getting killed here idk I'll add it eventually) 
Anyways, the fellow space maiden who picked the fight, now entitled Amalie Space Maiden Of The Sovarest Horizon starts up her own mafia, however Sigma Male would rather go to the Saloon instead and gets mad at one of the trolls there, who starts playing Woizer on the nearest piano. This ends up moving Sigma Male, to the point where he kisses the alien on it's lips, ending the intermission. 
(I'll add the image eventually)
Before the true ending however, the egg god gets a pester from Crybaby Chuckster, very self-explanatory.
(AUGHHH I'LL ADD THIS ONE EVENTUALLY TOO)
=== ACT 9 ACT 2: The Familyening ===
With our heroes in despair, turmoil, and depression still, we focus on other characters. The Gamzees are being lesbophobic again and provoking Kanaya as they often do. Today, Kanaya is particularly fed up, and after being picked up in a car and given an exploding pie, she decides to kill all the Gamzees. She is gifted a knife that does not work and heads on over to Her McDonald’s. She confronts Gamzee and after not being able to forcibly take his teeth, asks nicely. This leads to Gamzee going to the counter and telling the worker Eridan on Kanaya. When Eridan comes by to stop Kanaya, she simply tells Eridan how his mother does not love him. Then, Gamzee decides to be nice and allows Kanaya to take his teeth. This makes them even, since Kanaya got temporarily kidnapped earlier; however, Gamzee still asks Kanaya of all people, even with Nepeta right there, to matchmake him. Without thinking, and as a joke, Kanaya tells Gamzee to get with Eridan, who has just been fired from his job by Sullox. At first, Eridan wants nothing to do with the toothless Gamzee, but when the group decides to go to the club to jam to “It’s Raining Tacos,” things begin to get more serious. The whole server watches in shock and fear as Eridan and Gamzee actually become a couple. Kanaya realizes her mistake. As someone who is keen on knowledge of books written outside of her universe, Kanaya remembers a story she read involving the atrocities of Gamzee and Eridan’s romance. She cannot believe she forgot and immediately goes into offensive mode. This could very well be the end of the world, much as it was the end of the Pre-Reckoning era. Sollux is equally as appalled, but more so because he thinks Eridan should not be with anyone. Everyone tries their very hardest to snuff the flames of their romance out. Nothing works. Kanaya realizes she must cut off their means of reproduction before a baby dave is created, even though technically in the post-reckoning “baby” dave is the father. She didn’t know that. Kanaya goes for the gold, kicking Eridan in the crotch numerous times causing him to fall to the ground where Kanaya and Sollux stomp on him. Gamzee watches as the life fades from Eridan’s eyes as he dies. The crisis is averted. Gamzee swears to cause more chaos and invites his new partner over, Tavros, but no chaos is caused, yet.
Kanaya, Nepeta, Sollux, and a sussy purple entity called “Pop” go to McDonald’s to celebrate. Pop unceremoniously says “you stink.” Kanaya mentions how that is simply rude, but that if it was aimed toward Sollux, then yes, he does smell bad. Sollux becomes offended, believing that he can clean himself quite well. Pop agrees with Kanaya in that Sollux needs a bath. Nepeta stays quiet. Kanaya suggests that Sollux go to the pet groomers, which Sollux is very much opposed to. It seems that Sollux will not get himself cleaned under any circumstance. At the mention of a leash, Sollux rushes out of the Lesbian McDonald’s. Kanaya and Pop search for him, but are unable to find him. They sit on the side of the road and cry. They cry so hard. They put up missing pet flyers. They ask people if they have seen their Sollux. After seeing Sollux pass by them a few times but being unable to catch him, they decide to take him to court for Sollux to fight for his freedom and rights and possibly stop being a pet. Pop was the lawyer for the opposing side, while Nepeta was Sollux’s lawyer. John was the judge. Karkat and Dave had relationship problems about forgetting about their kid (assumed name “Davekat” from the mention of the name multiple times) in the spectator stands the whole trial. Nepeta said some convincing lawyer stuff. Kanaya cried about how Sollux smelled so bad, and they just wanted him to be clean. John had a hard choice with such good arguments, but the end was clear. John ruled Sollux guilty, and sentenced him to a bath. Sollux became a runner again. Everyone (besides Nepeta who told Sollux to run) was all hands on deck. With Sollux running, they had to wash him on the run. They sprayed him with water when they got close, and scrubbed him with soap before he could get away again. There was a gap here in the cleaning process where they lost Sollux. They became worried for him. He was all alone, sopping wet, and cold. When they found him again, Kanaya quickly rinsed him off, towel dried him, and attached his leash. Sollux was successfully cleaned! Pop reincarnated as Baby Dave, and they headed for the ruins of the 7/11 gas station which was destroyed hours before when Gamzee and Eridan were still together but was still on fire. Really, Kanaya should have been more worried about Baby Dave being reincarnated in such close proximity to the erigam incident, but her head was too focused on her newfound family. With Mother Kanaya, Father John (or “John Dad” as said by Baby Dave), Baby Dave, Nepeta the cat, and, of course, the family pet, Sollux. They took a family photo in front of the destroyed 7/11 gas station and then set out to be the most typical suburban family. Once they settled into their home, John watched TV, while Kanaya read the newspaper. A guest arrived! Good Cousin Kankri arrived at their house, and they were overjoyed for familial company. They attempted to make Good Cousin Kankri feel at home. John mentioned how he sure hoped Dave was not stuck in a tree. Kanaya agreed and said she hopes Dave does not go watching any illicit material not suited for his age. They sit in comfort waiting for Dave to get home. Soon, Nepeta comes in the door with Baby Dave in tow. Dave shares that he, as an infant child, is scarred from being stuck in a tree (and rescued by Nepeta the Cat) and watching an R rated film (also rescued by Nepeta the Cat). Kanaya and John are flabbergasted! Baby Dave blames all of the occurrences on none other than Good Cousin Kankri. John says Good Cousin Kankri would never do something like that, and that Dave should really be more like Good Cousin Kankri. Kanaya agrees, of course. The family decides to have dinner. They are rudely interrupted by an intruder in their garage! Nepeta the Cat bravely defends the house, Sollux the Pet is nowhere in sight, and scares off the intruder. It is now time for sleep. Baby Dave asks for Father John to tuck him in and read him a bedtime story. John does so, while Mother Kanaya stays with Good Cousin Kankri and chats with him for a bit. Good Cousin Kankri hates this family. Mother Kanaya has something that has been bubbling in her for a while now, and she knows that tonight is the night to tell her husband, John. As she hears John’s story coming to an end, she walks into the room and tells John that she needs to tell him something important. With Dave fast asleep, they walk into the bathroom where Kankri is not at all taking a shower. Kanaya hesitates for a moment, but then finally spits it out. She tells John that she is, in fact, a lesbian. She thinks about girls all the time. Nepeta, who is also in the bathroom, shows congratulations for Kanaya, but Kanaya is very stressed about the impact this information will have on their heteronormative suburban family. John does not know what to do. Suddenly, Kankri appears in the shower, and Kanaya asks him what she should do. Kankri does not want to be here. The next morning, John announces that he and Kanaya have something to tell the family. Kanaya, still apprehensive, tells John to say it. John tells them, in his words, that “their mother is a raging homosexual.” Nepeta the Cat shows congrats again, Baby Dave, as an infant child, does not have any opinions on this and does not care, and once again, Good Cousin Kankri does not want to be there. Mother Kanaya, now with that weight off her chest, suggests a fun activity to attend with the family. A court case was going on in town, so of course they were all excited to go. The family sat together in the spectator stands, except Good Cousin Kankri sat as far as possible on the bench from them, and Baby Dave actually joined the court case, as an infant child. Kanaya and John are proud parents. Their son grows up so fast.
We zoom out from the life of another HomeStuck City resident. The town is vast, and the stories are plentiful. Who knows what lies in store for us next, out of the confines of our heroes?
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