PenisMan vs. Super Potato

PenisMan vs. Super Potato is the thirteenth episode of The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show, and the third episode of the second season. It was written by thatjess and released on March 28, 2022.
== Transcript ==
[The episode opens with a shot of downtown Bikini Bottom at night. The camera zooms down to the Bikini Bottom park, where there is a large patronising sign reading “Please do not step on the grass - thank you :)”. Man-Ray runs along and starts doing just that.]
Man-Ray: (evil laugh) Ooh! Look at me! I’m stepping on the grass! Mwahahahahaha!
Miss Rabbit: (gasp) You monster!
Plankton: And I thought I was despicable for stealing NFTs!
Miss Rabbit: Someone do something!
Mrs. Puff: We need a superhero!
Miss Rabbit: No… we need a man… a PenisMan! SOUND THE PENIS SIGNAL!
[A light emits a large phallic image over the moon. The camera pans down to the house of teenage Penis Parker. Static bolts appear over his head.]
Parker: (gasp) My penis senses are tingling!
[Someone knocks on Parker’s bedroom door.]
Parker’s Mom: (off-screen) Parker! Dinner is ready!
Parker: Um… just coming! I just need to, um… finish some homework first.
Parker’s Mom: Okay! Just don’t be too long! It’s getting cold.
Parker: Okay, mom! Love you mom!
[Parker opens the window and jumps out of it.]
Parker’s Mom: Parker? What was that noise?
[Pause.]
Parker’s Mom: Parker?
[Cut to Parker, now PenisMan, flying through the sky and on his way to stop Man-Ray.]
PenisMan: Are you worried ‘bout impending boobs?
Those evil villains got you filled with gloom?
Well don’t you fear ‘cause there’s a hero in the sky, the sky, the sky, the sky!!!
He’s not a bird and he’s not a plane
And he’s not a chicken stripper
He’s the waistband warrior, hear his might battle cry
I SMELL AN ORGASM-
[PenisMan arrives at the scene of the crime, but finds Man-Ray already being carried off by the police.]
Man-Ray: Ugh! I’ll get you for this, Super Potato! You fucking wanker-
[Man-Ray gets locked up in the police car, and is driven off. The crowd starts cheering.]
PenisMan: Su- Super Potato?
[Mr. Potato flies down in a superhero costume.]
Super Potato: Please, please, you are too kind. Vous êtes trop gentil!
Peppa Pig Narrator: Super Potato is Mr. Potato’s superhero alter-ego. 
Mrs. Puff: You are such a hero, Super Potato!
Super Potato: Well… I try my best.
Miss Rabbit: I WANT YOUR BABIES!
[PenisMan walks up to Super Potato.]
PenisMan: So… Super Potato, huh?
Super Potato: What’s it to you?
PenisMan: I- I’m PenisMan! Tha- that was the penis signal! I- I was supposed to save the day!
Super Potato: Pfffft, yeah right. I guess this town ain’t big enough for the two of us.
PenisMan: …what the fuck, man? You- you can’t just swoop in and do my job for me!
Super Potato: Eh… better luck next time I guess.
Miss Rabbit: WE LOVE YOU SUPER POTATO!
Super Potato: I know, I know.  Now, now. I must go. Duty calls and all that.
PenisMan: Ugh.
Super Potato: Oh, and just a tip, PenisMan, is it? (points to the large penis on his head) Put that thing away, will ya? There are children out here.
[Super Potato flies off.]
PenisMan: God I just met that guy and I already hate him.
[Cut to an exterior shot of The Krusty Krab. PenisMan is having lunch with SpongeBob, Daddy Pig and Mummy Sheep.]
PenisMan: -and then he just swoops right in and does my job for me! 
Daddy Pig: Well, if you ask me, this “Super Potato” fella sounds like a right ol’ plonker.
SpongeBob: What’s a plonker?
Peppa Pig Narrator: “Plonker” is British slang for a foolish or inept person.
SpongeBob: Oh. Thanks, Peppa Pig Narrator.
Peppa Pig Narrator: The Peppa Pig Narrator tells SpongeBob that he is welcome.
Mummy Sheep: This Super Potato person sounds familiar. He can’t be that Mr. Potato, can it? He helped me find out who shot Suzy Sheep.
Peppa Pig Narrator: Suzy Sheep is dead.
PenisMan: I don’t know… but whoever this Super Potato guy is, I fucking hate him.
[Suddenly, static bolts start appearing around PenisMan’s head again.]
PenisMan: (gasp) My penis senses are tingling! 
[PenisMan quickly gulps down his Krabby Patty.]
PenisMan: Heh, um… duty calls!
[PenisMan flies off.]
Daddy Pig: …so… you wanna head down to Makeout Reef later, Mummy Sheep?
Narrator: Daddy Pig and Mummy Sheep are dating.
Mummy Sheep: Maybe tomorrow, I gotta go shoot an OnlyFans video later.
SpongeBob: Ew.
[Exterior shot of the Bikini Bottom CeX. Scott the Woz, Jebediah Jab and Rex Mohs are inside, all wearing ski masks.]
Scott the Woz: Hey all, Scott here! And I’m committing an armed robbery! (points gun at the CeX employee) PUT YOUR HANDS UP!
Rex Mohs: What exactly are we stealing from this CeX again?
Scott the Woz: All the copies of Madden 09.
Rex Mohs: …but why? They’re… worthless.
Scott the Woz: MADDEN 09 A BAD GAME, OKAY?!
Jeb Jab: Aw, this guy told me we were stealing Gex!
CeX Employee: Look, I’m sorry people but I just looked it up and it doesn’t look like we have any copies of Madden 09 in stock.
Scott the Woz: (still holding a gun up) I DON’T CARE! CHECK AGAIN!
CeX Employee: We have loads of copies of The Sims 4 on Xbox One though!
Rex Mohs: Give me that.
[Rex Mohs grabs the copy of The Sims 4 from the employee, checks the back and sees that the objectionable content includes “sex”.]
Rex Mohs: NO!
[Rex Mohs grabs a hammer and smashes up the game case. Pause.]
Rex Mohs: …I think I may have broke it.
[Suddenly, PenisMan flies in.]
PenisMan: I SMELL AN ORGASM!
Jeb Jab: Drats! Not PenisMa-
[Even more suddenly, Super Potato crashes in through the window.]
PenisMan: Oh for fuck’s sake.
Super Potato: FEAR NOT CITIZENS! YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBOURHOOD SUPER POTATO IS HERE!
[Super Potato flies around the CeX, and picks up Scott the Woz, Jebediah Jab and Rex Mohs.]
CeX Employee: Thank you, Super Potato!
Super Potato: No need to thank me! I’m just doing my duty.
[Super Potato flies off with the criminals. The CeX employee turns to the broken window.]
CeX Employee: …you could have used the door, though.
[Pause.]
CeX Employee: (sighs) My manager’s gonna kill me (turns to PenisMan) Do you know if the local Hot Topic is hiring?
[SpongeBob, Daddy Pig and Mummy Sheep run in.]
SpongeBob: Wh- what the heck happened?
CeX Employee: Just a little accident, that’s all. Please go before my manager comes back.
PenisMan: Super Potato’s parents had “just a little accident” all those years ago! I’m gonna fucking kill that guy when I next see hi-
Daddy Pig: Ho-ho! Usually I’m the one smashing up windows!
SpongeBob: You could say you’re a bit of an expert at it.
Daddy Pig: (snorts) Shut up.
PenisMan: This is the second time that fucking potato nonce has swooped in and stolen my spotlight!
Mummy Sheep: You know, I’m no superhero, I mean I’m just an old tart with an OnlyFans account! But surely being a superhero isn’t all about being in the spotlight, it’s about saving people and doing good! Right?
[Pause. SpongeBob, Daddy Pig and PenisMan all start laughing at Mummy Sheep.]
Daddy Pig: Oh, Mummy Sheep! You do make me laugh sometimes!
Mummy Sheep: What? What’s so funny? What did I say?
SpongeBob: And I thought I was the naive one! (laughs)
PenisMan: Ms. Sheep, will all due respect having a massive ego is EXACTLY what being a superhero is all about! I mean-
[Static bolts start appearing around PenisMan’s head again.]
PenisMan: (sigh) Here we go again…
SpongeBob: What’s happening?
PenisMan: My penis senses are tingling! PenisMan out!
[PenisMan flies off out the broken window. Pause.]
SpongeBob: W- We- We- We should probably chase after him again before he does something stupid, right?
Daddy Pig: I mean I really need to get back to work and finish building that house I’ve been working on!
[Cutaway to Mr. Bull and his construction team sitting around drinking tea on the construction site of a house.]
Homeless Person: Um, excuse me? How much longer do you think you’ll be?
Mr. Bull: (sigh) I’m sorry, Norton. But we can’t resume work until Daddy Pig gets back!
Norton: (sigh) It’s okay… really, it’s fine. I guess I don’t really need a house that much. I’ll just sleep down at the subway again…
[Cut back.]
Daddy Pig: Pffft, what the hell. Let’s go!
[The three hop into Mummy Sheep’s car and drive off. Cut to Mr. Krabs in his office.]
Mr. Krabs: Huh. Seems like a slow work day. Welp, nothing watching a good ol’ movie can’t fix!
[Mr. Krabs puts on a pirate hat and logs onto “WatchFreeMoviesOnline2022NoVirus100PercentWorks.com”.]
Mr. Krabs: Doo-doo-doo-doo-do-
[PenisMan bursts through the wall.]
PenisMan: I SMELL AN ORGASM!
Mr. Krabs: (gasp) PenisMan! I- I um… (throws his laptop at the window) Fancy seeing you here! Heh.
[Super Potato bursts through the wall.]
Super Potato: HAVE NO FEAR, SUPER POTATO IS-
PenisMan: Oh fuck off! 
Super Potato: What’s your problem, monsieur? I’m just trying to do my civic duty!
PenisMan: But I got here first, you wanker!
[While the two argue, Mr. Krabs sneaks out the window.]
Super Potato: (gasp) Did you just call le world famous Mr. Detective Super Potato a “wanker”?!
Peppa Pig Narrator: PenisMan just called Super Potato a wanker.
PenisMan: Get lost!
Super Potato: Casse-toi!
PenisMan: No you casse-toi!
Super Potato: Fuck off, you tête de nœud!
PenisMan: I don’t know one word of French but I’m gonna assume you’re not saying very nice things about me!
Super Potato: I’M NOT!
PenisMan: (clenches fists) Right, I’ve had enough of your bullshit.
Super Potato: Oh yeah?! Well so have-
[PenisMan punches Super Potato into the wall, and he falls through into the kitchen.]
Peppa Pig Narrator: Oh dear. It looks like PenisMan and Super Potato are fighting.
[The camera pans over to Super Potato lying down in the rubble.]
PenisMan: Oh my Neptune! (rushes over) Look dude, I’m so sorry. I was just jealous and I-
Super Potato: (coughs) What… the… hell… was that for?!
PenisMan: I don’t know! I just-
[Super Potato flies over to PenisMan and punches him into a wall too. Cut to an exterior shot of The Krusty Krab. Mummy Sheep, Daddy Pig and SpongeBob pull up.]
SpongeBob: Phew. I think we got here just in time before he did anything stu-
[The Krusty Krab fucking explodes.]
SpongeBob: …pid.
[Bubble transition to PenisMan and Super Potato rebuilding The Krusty Krab.]
PenisMan: Look, dude… I am really sorry. I was just… petty and jealous about you stealing the spotlight for me.
Super Potato: (sigh) No, no… it’s all my fault. I was the one stealing your spotlight in the first place. It’s just… le detective business hasn’t been doing that great ever since you showed up, so I thought I could maybe… be a superhero too?
[Pause.]
PenisMan: It’s okay. Maybe we could… work together maybe from now on? If you want to, of cou-
Super Potato: …I would like that very much. 
Peppa Pig Narrator: PenisMan and Super Potato are friends again.
[Everyone cheers.]
Daddy Pig: Well I’m glad that’s sorted.
[A shadowy figure starts approaching the group.]
???: ‘Scuse me fellas, but you wouldn’t happen to be PenisMan and Super Potato, would ya?
Super Potato: I DIDN’T HARASS THAT WOMAN! I SWEAR!
???: (chuckles) Calm down mate, calm down. I’m not here for anything like that.
PenisMan: Then what are you here for? …who are you?
[Pause.]
Hash Brown: The name’s Brown… Hash Brown. I’m here to talk to you about the Muddle Puddle Initiative. 
[Fade to black]
Category:2022
Category:The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Episodes
Category:Transcripts
Category:Episodes written by Thatjess
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Category:Coral Blue Productions
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Category:Daddy Pig Cinematic Universe
Category:2020s
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