Krabby Road (Rewrite)/transcript

Previous Episode: House of Fancyson Avenue
Next Episode: The Krusty President
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: March 8, 2003
Episode Copyrighted: 2002
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
Episode begins in front of the City Jail during a bad thunderstorm.
Frank the Fish: ...and this is the maximum security level. Since this is your first day, I'll let you peek at our number one inmate. *begins to whisper*
The police officers walk into a huge room that the floor is just a thin line and a huge jail cell in the middle of it.
He's too dangerous to let him around the other inmates.
Police Officer: Why? What he'd do? Rob a bank?
Frank the Fish: Worse! He'd tried to steal the Krabby Patty formula.
Police Officer: Oh! *nervous* Oh-kay.
Frank the Fish: So that's why we keep him behind these impenetrable 6-inch steel doors. *knocks on the door and the door opens* Of course, it helps to lock it.
They both run into the cell, realizing that he's gone.
Frank the Fish: He's gone! He's so small, he could be anywhere!
Police Officer: He could be right under our noses!
Screen cuts to Frank's mustache; the mustache then jumps off of Frank's face, running away.
Police Officer: Umm... Frank, where's your mustache?
Screen cuts to outside of the jail, with the siren sound heard and spotlights everywhere. The mustache run through the halls and then under the door.
Plankton: *pops off the mustache* Ha-ha! Those fools will never find me now!
Slide transition cuts to Master Lox’s Lair the next morning, where Master Lox is talking to Pearl.
Lord Master Lox: Ah, come on. I was watching TV last night.
Pearl Master Lox: Get out! *kicks Master Lox out of his lair* And stay out, you loser!
Lord Master Lox: Hey, I was talking to you, Pearl!
Pearl Master Lox: Beat it, you skullhead, and take all your stuff, too! *kicks out a box of his stuff out of his lair too*
Lord Master Lox: Well, that's weird. *notices my machine* Hey! It's my record player. I used to play music when I was a kid. Those vinyl records are in the 1980’s.
A flashback starts and it shows Master Lox in a 2 year old bedroom, with his record player.
Baby Lord Master Lox: *pretends to play record player* Okay, everybody! I’m gonna play music One two… one two three four! *tries to play my record player.
His cocoa falls over.
Baby Lord Master Lox: *feels annoyed*
Then the flashback ends.
Lord Master Lox: You know, I don't think I've played this before. Aw, I love this record player. *walks from my lair*
Slide transition cuts to the Chum Bucket the next morning, where Plankton is talking to Karen.
Plankton: Ah, come on, baby. You know how long I've been in a stir.
Karen Plankton: Get out! *kicks Plankton out of the Chum Bucket* And stay out, you two time loser!
Plankton: After everything I've done for you?!
Karen: Beat it, you jailbird, and take all your junk, too! *kicks out a box of his stuff out of the Chum Bucket too*
Plankton: *tries to struggle out under the box* Well, that's just great. [notices his electric guitar] Hey! It's my old guitar. I used to play it when I was in that band as a kid. Man, those were good times.
A flashback starts and it shows Plankton in a 2 year old bedroom, with his electric guitar and a drum set.
Baby Plankton: *pretends to play band with his stuffed animals* Okay, everybody! One two… one two three! *tries to play it*
The rest of them do nothing, as they were stuffed animals. His cocoa falls over and Plankton feels annoyed. Then the flashback ends.
Plankton: You know, I don't think I've had any good times.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *walks on the street behind Plankton and sings a song* ♪Oh, I wish I was frying up the Krabby Patties. That's what I really love to do. Take a couple Boo-Ooh-Ooh! And a pinch of Awoogah! A teaspoon of *blows raspberry*♪ *gibberish* ♪Then I mix some of this and put it over there, as I write this song.♪
Plankton is right after the "Then I mix some of…" line.
Lord Master Lox: *walks to Plankton* Hey Plankton!
Plankton: Hey, Master Lox! He's singing about the Krabby Patty. If I could just get him to explain that song, I'll have the Krabby Patty formula!
Lord Master Lox: You said it, Plankton!
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *tries to high five each other*
But Plankton gets slapped by Master Lox.
Plankton: Ow!
SpongeBob SquarePants: ♪Mix in some…♪
Plankton: Hi, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob SquarePants: ♪Nyah-Nyah-Nyah♪
Plankton: That's a real nice song.
SpongeBob SquarePants: ♪Add a splash of wee…♪
Plankton: But could you explain those "wee" parts?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *takes out giant knife* ♪And when I'm done, I chop up some… Love.♪
Plankton is right after the "I chop up some…" line.
Plankton: Gahh! *runs from the knife being tossed on the ground after the song ends* Are you out of your mind? Er, I mean, that was a delightful song you were singing.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Thanks, Plankton. *waves at Plankton*
Lincoln Loud: Hey guys.
Lord Master Lox: Hey Lincoln, are you coming to our band?
Lincoln Loud: Yes, I’d loved to.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah. Mr. Krabs makes me censor out all the patty ingredients from my lyrics.
Lord Master Lox: Oh, that's terrible. Mr. Krabs shouldn't stifle a true artist like you! Go ahead and sing your patty song uncensored!
Lincoln Loud: *gasps* I know what you're doing!
Plankton: What, me? I'm not trying to steal the patty formula!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *points at Plankton* You want me to… join your band!
Plankton: What band? Master Lox and I don't have a band.
Lincoln Loud: Oh, but you can't fool us! Not when you got an awesome guitar like that! And only a true rocker would have hair as greasy and nasty as yours. It'll be so cool! We could write songs together!
Lord Master Lox: Songs?
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *smiles with a brilliant idea*
Lord Master Lox: Yes! That's a brilliant idea, Lincoln!
Plankton: And you two could teach me your Krabby Patty songs!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: Yay!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Come on, let's go get our band together!
Slide transition cuts to in front of the Loud House. Lincoln is holding Plankton's guitar and Plankton is on it.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *starts yelling in excitement*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, Patrick!
Patrick Star: SpongeBob, SpongeBob!
Lincoln Loud: Leni, Leni!
Leni Loud: Lincoln, Lincoln!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Guys, we've got big news!
Patrick Star: Me, too! Me, too!
Leni Loud: OMGosh, you guys! This is totes amazing!
Lincoln Loud: What's your news?
The four calm down.
Patrick Star: I found out where boogers come from. *whispers into Lincoln's ears indistinctly*
He tells him where they come from. Lincoln is shocked, but then is a little grossed out.
Lincoln Loud: Ew, really?
Patrick Star: *nods in agreement* Uh-huh. What's your news?
Leni Loud: I found out where my dresses come from. *whispers into Patrick's ears indistinctly*
She tells him where her dresses come from.
Patrick Star: Really?
Leni Loud: *nods in agreement* What's your news, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Master Lox and Plankton just asked us to join his Rock-N-Roll band! *gets excited again and asks Master Lox and Plankton* Can Patrick and Leni join our band?
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: Sure, whatever.
Lincoln Loud: Hear that, Patrick and Leni? You're in.
Patrick Star: All right!
Leni Loud: Totes!
Patrick Star: I play a mean belly. *starts playing to the tune of "The William Tell Overture," playing my belly to create a timpani solo*
It ends, and he bows at Leni, Lincoln, Plankton, Master Lox and SpongeBob.
Luna Loud: *offscreen* Did somebody say “Our band?”
Lincoln Loud: Luna, is that you?
Luna Loud: It's me Luna! You guys are starting a band? Sweet!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Luna, where did you come from?
Luna Loud: I was taking a shower when I heard you say you were starting a band, so I threw on a towel and ran down as fast as I could.
Lincoln Loud: Do you really think we should start a band?
Luna Loud: Of course I do bro. After all, you've lived with me your whole life, so some of my musical talent must've rubbed off on you by now.
Clyde McBride: Hey guys. Sorry I'm late. Luna, do you think you could help us?
Luna Loud: You bet I can. Come on, I can show you everything you'll need to know right now.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Shouldn't you finish taking a shower first?
Luna Loud: *looks down*
She realizes she's still wet and wearing nothing but a towel.
Luna Loud: *blushes* Oh, right, I should probably do that. *runs upstairs and gets back in the shower.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wow, Patrick, we're gonna be famous! *hugs Patrick*
While he's still holding onto the guitar, and they hear Squidward laughing.
Squidward Tentacles: *walks towards them and talks* Give me a break. You don't know anything about music! Too bad you're not a musical genius, like me.
Lincoln Loud: Oh, Squidward... *trips Squidward over by holding his legs down on the ground*
Squidward Tentacles: What the...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Would you help us by joining our band?
Squidward Tentacles: *gets up* Well, I could help you, but I wouldn't soil my art playing Rock-N-Roll; dressing all in black, wearing boots covered in spikes...
As he continues, he imagines that it's worth it, and slowly changes his mind.
Squidward Tentacles: ...playing enormous stadiums filled with screaming, adoring fans... *smiles to the idea* clapping, demanding encores, cheering me... He imitates cheering, stops after a few seconds. Oh, uh, changed my mind. I'll join your band and help you bottom feeder... *bursts out rest of the line* But I gotta get in shape first! *leaves everyone*
Lincoln Loud: Isn't this great, Master Lox? Squidward is gonna help us!
Lord Master Lox: Hmm? Uh, yeah, great.
Slide transition. The scene changes to SpongeBob, Patrick, Lincoln, Leni, Luna and Clyde in the garage. We see SpongeBob in an 80's Rock-N-Roll outfit, with an afro wig.
Luna Loud: Okay, before you start a band, I have to know what instruments you all can play.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, Lincoln’s been jamming on guitar with you for years, so I guess I could do that.
Luna Loud: Okay, what about the rest of you?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I've been taking piano lessons for a while.
Luna Loud: Awesome. I've got a keyboard right here, show me what you can do.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *goes over to the keyboard and plays a basic scale*
Patrick Star: That's all you've got?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, I said I've been taking lessons, I didn't say I was any good at it.
Luna Loud: That's okay, you've got plenty of time to get good.
Patrick Star: Whoa, these drums are sick. *starts randomly pounding on the drums*
Luna Loud: Looks like we've found your drummer.
Patrick Star: Awesome, I've always wanted to be a drummer.
Wander: *picks up a bass guitar and plays it* Everyone is impressed.
Lincoln Loud: Wow, I didn't know you could play the bass guitar.
Wander: Well, I'm more used to playing the banjo, but I guess this is close enough.
Clyde McBride: What am I supposed to do? There aren't any instruments left.
Luna Loud: Why don't you be the lead singer?
Clyde McBride: I don't know, that's a little outside my comfort zone.
Luna Loud: Come on, I've heard you sing before, you're great.
Clyde McBride: Well, Dr. Lopez does say I need to put myself out there more. Okay, I'll do it.
SpongeBob SquarePants: This is going to be so cool! We'll be famous in no time.
Luna Loud: Just remember that no matter how famous you get, you're all still friends, and friendship is the most important thing. Remember that, I've seen way too many bands broken up and friendships ruined when people forget that. *leaves the garage and goes back inside*
SpongeBob SquarePants: You know, Leni, being in a band gives you the liberty to dress with a little more... Uh, how should I put this?
Leni Loud: Yeah?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, with just a little more...
Patrick Star: *furious* Go ahead, say it, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob SquarePants: You know, pizzazz!
Patrick Star: *clears throat*
Clyde McBride: *continues* Perhaps you didn't notice...
Patrick Star: My new hairdo.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *looks behind him*
Patrick has a ponytail hairstyle.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Whoa-ho-ho, I stand corrected!
Patrick Star: And unlike your nasty, little wig... *pulls off SpongeBob's wig* Mine is real!
He shows it by pulling it and it doesn't come off.
Lincoln Loud: Man, how'd you grow that so fast?
Patrick Star: Natural talent, watch this...
He shows that he can make his hair come in and out of his skin and make it in any hairdo he wants.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Whoo, yeah! *claps* Dig that fancy follicle work!
Leni Loud: Wow Patrick, you look amazing!
Clyde McBride: I like your hairstyle!
Patrick Star: Hey, check this one out. *does the trick again*
But this time, he makes it an "old guy's" hairdo.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, man, Squidward's not gonna want to miss this. *calls Squidward*
Squidward Tentacles: Hello?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hi, Squidward. Aren't you coming to band practice?
Squidward is seen exercising on his weightlifting bench.
Squidward Tentacles: Are you kidding? I've got a lot of work to do before I'm famous! *attempts to lift the weight*
But he breaks an unknown part, then a dial tone is heard.
Squidward Tentacles: *screams in pain*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *laughs* Okay, then, we'll keep your seat warm. *closes the phone* Leni?
Leni Loud: I'm on it. *blows a fire under a seat to keep it warm*
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *enters the garage*
Lord Master Lox: *carries a box* Greetings, fellow band-mates.
Lincoln Loud: Hey, Plankton, Hey, Master Lox, what's that?
Lord Master Lox: *puts the box down* T-shirts.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln, Leni Loud and Clyde McBride: Ooh! Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Patrick Star: *laughs*
Leni Loud: *laughs*
Suddenly, Leni comes in watching a video on her phone and laughing.
Lincoln Loud: Hey Leni. What's so funny?
Leni Loud: This video Chaz sent me of the Royal Woods Battle of the Bands. One of the bands just walked out, froze up, and were booed off the stage. It was hilarious.
SpongeBob SquarePants: How many people have seen that video?
Leni Loud: It has over ten million views, it's gone totally viral.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Lincoln Loud and Clyde McBride: *blushes*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ah... *confused* "Plankton and the... Patty Stealers"?
Plankton: *starts to sweat maniacally* Uh, if you guys don't like the name, uh...
SpongeBob SquarePants: I... love it! It's kind of vague and mysterious.
Patrick Star: Can I get mine in pink?
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *growls*
Slide transition cuts to where they're wearing the shirt and Patrick laughs. Patrick's shirt color matches his skin perfectly.
Clyde McBride: It looks like a tattoo, Patrick!
Patrick Star: I see a tattoo on my skin!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Plankton, can our first song go like this? *makes a loud bass sound* And then turn into one of those songs that goes... *makes a high pitched screech*
Plankton: *covers my ears, then resumes to my normal attitude*
Lord Master Lox: Yes, perfect. Now all we need are the lyrics. You know something personal. Maybe a secret you know, or a favorite recipe, hmm?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Or... One about my new friend Plankton?
Plankton: Stop it! *growls after SpongeBob stops*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Or the ventures of wholesome...
Plankton: *clips SpongeBob's lips with a tool*
Lord Master Lox: The best kind of lyrics are the ones that are deep and revealing. Something only you know... *coughs* Secret recipe.
Patrick Star: I once searched for my innermost secrets. All I found was this.
He shows that he is holding his heart.
Clyde McBride: Dr. Lopez has Patrick’s heart? *faints*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *still muffled* Is that what you mean, Plankton?
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *slaps our heads with annoyance*
Slide transition cuts to later that day when Plankton pulls a machine into the garage.
Lord Master Lox: Plankton, move your machine a little more.
Plankton is grunting as he pulls it.
Lord Master Lox: Perfect.
Lincoln Loud: What is that?
Plankton: It's my... uh... recording equipment. *laughs evilly*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *excited* Oh, my gosh! What do I do?
Plankton: *scoots a chair next to SpongeBob* Just take a seat here, and I'll strap you in.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *sits down*
Plankton: *straps SpongeBob's arms on the chair and puts a pair of headphones on SpongeBob* Now just relax and let the equipment do its job.
The machine starts to beep and make sucking noises. SpongeBob's brain is seen going through the headphone wire into the machine.
Lord Master Lox: Come on, Plankton. Find the formula on your machine.
Plankton: Now, let's see what's locked in his subconscious.
The machine makes static crackles. When Plankton finds a "station" on the radio, SpongeBob is the speaker. SpongeBob sings songs just like a radio.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *in tune with "Oh My Darling, Clementine"* ♪Time to feed him. Time to feed him. Now it's Gary's feeding time. Mrow mrow meow, mrow mrow meow.♪
Plankton: Nope. *turns the tune button*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *in tune with "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"* ♪Brush, brush, brush my teeth. Gently keep them clean.♪
Plankton: Not that one either. *turns the tune button*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *in tune with Ashley Webber's theme from Backyard Sports, hums*
Plankton: The Krabby Patty Formula's gotta be in here somewhere.
The machine makes a dead beeping noise and feedbacks noises to Plankton. He smacks the machine.
Plankton: What's going- *screams*
He realizes that Patrick is wearing the headphones, groaning, and the machine explodes.
Plankton: *starts crying* I'm a failure.
Lincoln Loud: Cheer up, Plankton. We've still got a whole week before our first gig at the Krusty Krab.
Plankton: *stops crying* At the Krusty Krab?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh-huh, but old man Krabs doesn't want us bugging the customers. So, we have to go in after hours when nobody's there.
Plankton: When nobody's there? *makes a purring noise with drool coming out of my mouth at the thought of it*
The slide transition cuts to where they start practicing. SpongeBob is playing Plankton's guitar, Patrick is doing his drums, Plankton, not very excited, plays only one note on his mini-keyboard, Wander and Hater are playing rock guitars, Leni is playing back up dancer and Clyde is singing lead singer. The scene cuts to outside in front of Squidward and SpongeBob's houses, then the scene cuts to Squidward exercising. He makes one more and he has huge muscles.
Squidward Tentacles: My perfect dream-body. *runs out of my house with my bass guitar and goes into SpongeBob's house to practice*
They then make noises that sound like they're practicing, causing SpongeBob's house to dance.
Luna Loud: I'm ready to rock, Squidward! *runs to SpongeBob’s house, playing my guitar*
Time card reading "One Week Later”
French Narrator: One week later...
Screen cuts to the street where the thirteen are heading towards the Krusty Krab at nighttime. They're all wearing their Rock-N-Roll outfits. From a distance, a tire screeching sound is heard, and the noise is later revealed to be from a police car.
Commander Peepers: I think the cops are right behind us.
Sylvia: At least it's the police car. Come on.
Lord Master Lox: Oh, no, it's the cops.
Lord Hater: Where?
Plankton: I can't let them see me!
Lincoln Loud: Why?
Plankton: Why? Uh, cops are autograph hounds. Yeah, they're always after me.
Lincoln Loud: Mm, that's tough. Don't worry, I'll hide you. *sucks Plankton into my nose*
The police car stops in front of them.
Officer John Slugfish: Hey, what are you kids up to this late at night?
Lincoln Loud: We're on our way to our first gig. We're in a band.
Officer John Slugfish: A band, huh, well, that's, uh... Oh. *notices a green thing on Lincoln's nose* Uh, you've got a, uh...
Lincoln Loud: Got a, uh, what?
Officer John Slugfish: Uh... It's right... *points to a nostril on my face*
Lincoln Loud: Yes?
Officer John Slugfish: *motions to wipe it off*
Something, which is actually Plankton's legs, comes out.
Officer John Slugfish: Just keep your nose clean, kid. *leaves*
Lincoln Loud: Sure thing, officer. *blows my nose, and blows out Plankton* They're gone.
Commander Peepers: Oh, no! This is ridiculous. We saw the cops were here!
Sylvia: Or maybe it'll work.
Luna Loud: Either way, we’re almost the Krusty Krab.
Plankton: You will never speak of this to anyone.
Slide transition cuts to in front of the Krusty Krab.
Lord Master Lox: Come on, come on, hurry up.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Don't worry, I just need to get the key out. *hums*
While he's opening the door, but fails twice to get the key in the key hole.
Plankton: *grabs the key* Give me that, you incompetent fool. *opens the door and drops the key on the ground, then goes on the ground* Yes, the Krabby Patty Formula's mine! Uh, I mean, we'll have a great time! *goes inside and whispers to myself* Now where does Krabs keep that formula?
Lord Master Lox: *enters the Krusty Krab, chuckles*
Luna Loud: *goes inside* Whoo, let's rock!
Patrick Star: Yeah!
Squidward Tentacles: We're gonna be stars!
The seven enter the Krusty Krab.
Luna Loud: *hooks up the speaker set*
Plankton is nowhere to be seen.
Luna Loud: *starts out by acting all excited like a rock stars* All right! Squidward, are you ready?
Squidward Tentacles: *makes a loud bass guitar strum* I'm ready!
Luna Loud: Okay! Leni are you ready?
Leni Loud: I’m totes ready!
Luna Loud: Patrick, are you ready?
Patrick Star: *answers by laughing while beating my belly*
Luna Loud: SpongeBob, Lincoln, Clyde are you ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud and Clyde McBride: Yeah, we’re ready!
Luna Loud: Master Lox, Plankton, are you ready?
Crickets are chirping in the background.
Luna Loud: Master Lox? Plankton?
Plankton is carrying a bottle containing the formula.
Luna Loud: *gasps* Plankton!
The bottle is broken as Luna says Plankton's name in the mic loudly. The formula is shown to the audience, but all of it is in gibberish.
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: Uh... we're ready?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *furious* Wait a minute... Was this band just a front so you could steal the Krabby Patty Secret Formula?
Plankton: What? No, we were in it for the music!
Lord Master Lox: And the cops are here to send us to prison, man!
The camera changes to outside the Krusty Krab and twelve police cars circle around the Krusty Krab. The scene cuts back to the City Jail. Plankton, in a caged box.
Plankton: *sighs* Well, at least I'm back to my old cell.
Police Officer: Oh, no, you're not. We've got a special cell for you.
Frank the Fish: *moves a small painting out of the way, unlocks a safe, and both of them put Plankton in there*
Plankton: But I liked my old cell.
Police Officer: Then you're gonna love this one. *closes the cell*
We see Master Lox in jail too.
Lord Master Lox: I’m in jail too?
Luna Loud: *opens the small window on the other side of Plankton's cell*
Only Luna's eye is seen through.
Luna Loud: There's no time to waste, Master Lox and Plankton.
Plankton: *looks outside*
The scene cuts to the yard outside, with SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Lincoln, Leni, Luna and Clyde being there.
Luna Loud: We've only got 22 years to practice before our next gig. A one and a two...
Lord Master Lox and Plankton: *screams in agony*
Screen fades in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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