Christmas Feud

Christmas Feud is the twenty-sixth episode and the eighth episode of Season Two in Welcome to Fancyland!. It was written by FireMatch.
==Plot==
It's Christmas in Fancyland, and everyone is celebrating the holidays. However, a quarrel between SpongeBob and Squidward causes conflict.
==Synopsis==
“Perch Perkins here with a holiday news report! It’s snowing over here in Fancyland, and everyone is getting hyped up for the only holiday that matters-”
“Valentine’s Day!” a random fish says. Perch pushes him out of the way.
“No, you fool. Only sick lovebirds like that holiday. Besides, that's a story for another day. It’s Christmas!”
“Aww, so I hibernated for nothing.”
“Christmas Day is upon us, and what does it bring? Family, friends, but most importantly…”
Cut to Patrick opening a gold-wrapped present.
“Gifts!” he exclaims as he unwraps a pound of uranium. “Hmm, I wonder what this is.”
Cut to the outside of his rock, where Squidward is trying to play Christmas songs on his clarinet.
“I swear this clarinet is broken or something,” he says. “It can't be me. It just can't be.”
Just then, a mushroom cloud erupts from Patrick’s rock.
“Wow! A nuclear weapon in a box!” Patrick yells.
“Dim-witted kelp for brains...” Squidward mutters.
“Whoa, and now I’m glowing green! Am I dead?”
“Probably…” Squidward mutters.
Cut to SpongeBob putting up Christmas decorations on his golden pineapple.
“I tell you, Gary, this pineapple’s gonna shine even more than it already has been, because here comes the lights!” SpongeBob yells.
SpongeBob connects the lights to a power source, and they all turn on. Squidward is blinded by the lights.
“Ooh, I’m blinded by the lights!” Squidward screams.
“Good singing, Squidward!” SpongeBob says.
“No, I mean literally. Turn them off,” Squidward says flatly.
“Oh. Sorry.” SpongeBob turns off the lights. “You know, I was really looking forward to turning these on.”
“Well, leave them off. I need to practice my Christmas clarinet playing.”
Just then, SpongeBob’s watch makes an alarm sound.
“Oh, that reminds me! I gotta ask Mr. Krabs if I can throw a Christmas party at the Krusty Krab!” he says.
“Why would you want to throw a party at that grease dump?” Squidward asks. “Even though it’s covered in gold, it still smells like a snail’s rear end.”
“Squidward, don’t say that! The Krusty Krab is a golden place, both figuratively and literally.”
“Oh, puh-lease.”
“But I mean it, Squidward! I need to stop by before it’s too late! He has a date with Mrs. Puff in around 15 minutes!”
“Those two are still dating? Wow, pathetic.”
“Don’t judge true love, Squidward.”
Bubble transition to SpongeBob entering Krabs’ office.
“What do you want, boyo? I’m leaving in 15 minutes,” Krabs says impatiently.
“I got an idea. What if we throw a Christmas party right here, at the Krusty Krab?” SpongeBob suggests.
“Hmm… are you sure you can throw a Christmas party while I’m gone? No screw ups this time?”
“Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“Okay then. Go wild, go nuts. Do whatever without setting the place ablaze.”
“Hooray!”
Cut to several people in the Krusty Krab. Everyone is having a fun time.
“Look at all the fancy butter food you guys have!” Patrick says as he gobbles up an entire gold bar. SpongeBob takes it out of his mouth.
“Aww, but it was so shiny!” Patrick whines.
“I did not want to be here,” Squidward says.
“But you’re having fun, right?” SpongeBob asks.
“No. This is the least fun I’ve ever had in my entire life.”
SpongeBob gasps.
“How… how could you?! I’ve prepared mentally and physically for this party, and you just shut it down like that?”
“Yeah, like who cares about you anyway? Pfft.”
SpongeBob sniffles. “Well, if you put it that way…”
SpongeBob walks out of the party with tears in his eyes. Squidward is unfazed and starts dancing. The others glare at Squidward.
“What?” Squidward says.
Nobody says anything, and eventually the party goes on like normal.
Cut to SpongeBob sadly trudging over to his home. He manages to get himself on the couch and sighs. Gary slithers up to his belly and meows.
“Oh Gary, you don’t know how much that Christmas party meant to me. But then mean ol’ Squidward had to shoot it all down. I love the guy, but man can he be a real party pooper sometimes. Maybe he isn’t as good as I initially thought. Am I thinking too much about this, Gary?”
Gary licks SpongeBob’s face, and he laughs.
“I guess maybe some TV will get that party off my mind.” SpongeBob turns on the TV and starts channel surfing.
Just then, SpongeBob hears a faint “ho ho ho” nearby.
“Gary, I think I’m going insane,” SpongeBob says as he looks around to see nobody in his house.
“Meow.”
SpongeBob goes back to watching TV, but hears the “ho ho ho” again. This time, he gets off of the couch, and opens his front door to see a jolly Saint Nick at his doorstep.
“SANTA?!”
“Yes, my boy. Uh, what’s your name again?” Santa asks.
“SpongeBob. SpongeBob SquarePants, sir.”
“Oh, right, the aloof one. Anyway, I need a place to come crash for some time.”
“But don’t you have gifts to be delivering?”
“My boy, it’s all automated these days! Do you know what age we’re living in?”
“I guess you’re right. I suppose you can stay for a little while-”
SpongeBob is interrupted by Santa’s “hooray!”, and the latter jumps onto the couch and goes over to the Fishmark channel.
“Cheesy romances, here I come!” Santa says in excitement.
“I have a feeling I’m gonna regret this…” SpongeBob says to himself.
(Meanwhile…)
Squidward is playing clarinet carols, much to the dismay of others.
“Quit playing that rancid music!” Fred yells. “It’s hurting MY EARS!”
“Can’t hear you, Mr. I Have Talent is playing!” Squidward yells louder.
“That’s it!” Fred goes up to Squidward and swipes the clarinet straight from his hands, and snaps it in half.
“I’ve had that clarinet for 4 months! You’re a horrible person!” Squidward says, angry. “I’m leaving.”
“Good. And maybe apologize to the yellow one while you’re at it.”
“What did I ever do to him to deserve this treatment?” Squidward complains.
Someone throws an ornament at him.
“Hey, those things are fragile!” Squidward yells.
“Get outta here!” another fish hollers back.
“Fine. I will.”
Squidward trudges out of the Krusty Krab, sulking.
“Those stupid idiots. Do they not know what SpongeBob has done my entire life? Annoyed me, and destroyed me, and… uh… he’s annoying, that’s all,” Squidward tells himself.
Just then, Squidward’s eyes widen and he has an epiphany.
“Maybe I was a little harsh on the guy. Thinking about it, he wasn’t trying to hurt me. At least nothing fell on top of me.”
Just then, one of Santa’s reindeer robots falls straight onto him.
“I swear, cartoon logic really hurts sometimes…” Squidward mumbles.
The robot starts malfunctioning, and electrocutes Squidward. This causes him to act differently.
“I need to go apologize to SpongeBob!” he says, rushing into the distance.
Cut to Santa eating milk and cookies and progressively getting more and more tired.
“Santa, you aren’t supposed to eat the glass!” SpongeBob says. “Your stomach is gonna burst!”
“Ho ho ho, my boy, my stomach can handle anything and everything,” Santa says confidently.
They hear a knock on the door. SpongeBob opens it.
“Squidward?” SpongeBob says in shock.
“I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I appreciate you and all you-”
SpongeBob hugs Squidward.
“That's all I needed to hear, Buddy. Now come on. Let's do something fun.”
“Quick question. What is Santa Freaking Claus doing in your house?”
Santa is now eating a bag of Lays.
“Smell that fresh air!” he says, sniffing the bag.
“So that explains the robot reindeer,” Squidward says.
Suddenly, Santa starts looking very ill.
“Santa, are you okay?” SpongeBob asks.
“SpongeBoy, I don't think- *cough* so. I caught the Polar Virus.”
“The Polar Virus?” SpongeBob says.
“Yeah. It spreads from reindeer to reindeer, and eventually to person. Lucky me…” Santa sneezes.
“Don't tell me we're gonna have to help him,” Squidward says.
“Why shouldn't we?” SpongeBob asks.
“Because I don't want to.”
“Squidward, Squidward. I'm sure you'd be on the naughty list if you didn't help him.”
“Fine. But only because I want a new pair of slippers next Christmas. How are we going to carry around this fatso anyway?”
SpongeBob points to a sled hung up against his wall.
Cut to SpongeBob and Squidward pulling Santa along the road on a sled. Christmas montage music plays as they pull him along for a long journey. Eventually, they reach Antarctica.
“Phew. Glad that's over,” Squidward sighs in relief.
“Ho ho ho, Squidward,” Santa says. “We only just reached the continent!”
Squidward sighs in exhaustion.
(6 and a half hours later…)
SpongeBob and Squidward come into contact with an iceberg.
“What's the hold up?” Santa demands.
“There's a giant iceberg in the way!” SpongeBob says.
“Can't you just go around?” Santa asks.
“No,” Squidward says bluntly.
“Oh oh oh,” Santa says, worried.
“This reminds me of a certain movie!” SpongeBob says.
“Don't tell me it reminds you of…” Squidward isn't able to finish his thought before he hears a ship in the distance.
“The Titanic?!” SpongeBob yells.
“I haven't seen that thing in over a century!” Santa exclaims. “I thought it was gone!”
“Maybe they finally made a sequel?” SpongeBob says.
“Either way, we need to get outta here!” Squidward says.
“But there's no way out! We're stuck here until our eventual demise!” SpongeBob says.
“Pfft… welp. This is the end,” Squidward states.
“Wait, I just got an idea! Santa, do you have any-”
“No, SpongeBob, it's all in the hands of them robots now,” Santa says sadly.
“Call 9-1-1?” Squidward suggests.
“I already checked, no service around here. Although it does say we're at the North Pole.” SoongeBob says.
“The North Pole! Hold on tight, I have an idea!” Santa says.
Santa pulls out a huge magnet from his pocket and holds it out. It drags the sled towards the North Pole, thus dragging the trio along with it. The force is so strong that it breaks the iceberg.
“We're free!” SpongeBob cheers.
“Thank you jolly much, SpongeBob and Squidward. You're both going on the nice list next year… unless you mess it up like last year.” Santa says.
“What happened last year?” Squidward asks.
Flashback to Squidward setting a stink bomb inside SpongeBob’s gold pineapple house. SpongeBob walks inside, setting it off. End flashback.
“He had to be quarantined for a week!” Santa says. “Please don't do something like that again.”
“I totally won't,” Squidward says.
Santa gets up off the sled, breaking it. He then trudges over to a nearby igloo, and squeezes in.
“This is my secret entrance! It's too secret, so see you some other time!” 
“Bye, Santa Claus!” SpongeBob says. “You aren't gonna do something like that again, are you Squidward?”
“Uhh…”
Cut back to SpongeBob’s house, where a literal nuke is counting down in his bedroom.
(end)
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