I've Been Getting Weird Texts

I’ve been getting a lot of random texts lately. I think most of us do. Some telemarketer or political campaign plugs in our numbers to some automailer app and inundates us with spam. Around election season, my phone is bombarded with texts telling me to donate to various politicians. I’m used to it.
These texts, though, these were different.
They started out innocently enough. The first one was sent a few weeks ago, and said, “hey karen it’s bill from the party.” My name isn’t Karen and I didn’t know a Bill, so I figured it was either a wrong number or, more likely, spam. I’d gotten texts like that before, and assumed it was some sort of weird phishing scheme or something. I ignored it, figuring it wasn’t worth the effort to block.
I wonder how different things would be if I did block that number.
Anyway, I went about my life and completely forgot about the text until a couple of days later.
“hey karen it’s bill. we shared that kiss.”
Same number, same guy. I realized that this wasn’t a spam number, but instead a real guy who was given my number at a party, most likely from someone who wasn’t super comfortable giving him her number. Feeling a bit bad for the guy, I decided to put him out of his misery.
“Hey, sorry, this isn’t Karen. Think you got the wrong number.”
A minute, and then:
“stop joking i know it’s u”
“No joke, man. Sorry.”
And that was that. For a bit, at least. A few hours later, while I was making dinner, my phone goes off.
“karen u fucking whore don’t u fucking lie to me”
Well. Someone wasn’t taking the truth very well.
“Dude. This isn’t Karen. Leave me alone.”
“u bitch don’t fucking lie to me”
“Ok, I’m going to block you now.”
And with that, I blocked him.
I continued going about my daily life, the experience just a weird story at this point. I told a few friends and we all agreed that Karen was probably justified in not giving Bill her number. Other than that, I didn’t think much of it.
Then, a few days after I blocked Bill, I got a text from a new number:
“that was rude karen”
Ok, now this was just getting creepy. Do I respond? I thought about it, and decided not to. Don’t give this guy more attention. I blocked his new number, and figured that would be the end of it. A few minutes later, I get a new text from a new number:
“i know ur there karen”
What the fuck? Did this guy buy more than one phone just to text me? What is wrong with this weirdo? Starting to feel a bit creeped out, I blocked the other number too.
Suddenly, my phone was blowing up with a bunch of texts from a bunch of different numbers.
“karen”
“don’t hide from me karen”
“u bitch”
“im gonna find u”
“u cant hide forever”
Just dozens and dozens of texts like that, coming in too quickly for me to block them all. What the fuck is going on? How the fuck is he doing this? Why the fuck is he doing this? As I’m reeling from the texts, my phone rings.
I don’t recognize the number. It could very well be a spam call, calling me about my car’s extended warranty or something. I know deep down it isn’t though. A part of me wanted to pick up the phone, scream at this guy to leave me alone, that I’m not this Karen and that he’s a fucking nutjob. But, for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to pick up the phone. Some part of my brain was just screaming at me not to, paralyzing me with indecision. Soon enough, the phone stopped ringing. Whoever it was left a voicemail.
Taking a deep breath, I played it.
For the first few seconds, it was just heavy breathing. Then…
“Karen. I miss the way you tasted at the party, Karen.”
And there it ended.
I wasn’t quite sure how to respond. How do you respond to something like that? Call him back? Call the police? Call the local asylum and ask if they’re missing a guy named Bill?
No. I decided not to do any of those things. Instead, I changed my phone number. It was a pain in the ass, but hopefully he wouldn’t be able to figure it out. He’d just keep texting the old number and assume I was ignoring him. Everyone wins.
For a while, it looked like it worked. I didn’t hear anything from Bill. The only random texts I got were just those asking me to donate to some politician. After what happened, it was almost a relief to get those. I started to let myself forget about Bill, and move on with my life.
Until today.
I got a text from a random number.
“found u karen”
Attached was a picture of me, taken through my window.
Category:Dorkpool
Category:Computers and Internet