Vindicators 3: The Return of Worldender

== Transcript ==
[Open in the garage; Rick is working at his desk, while Morty is vacuuming up blue, one-eyed, slug-like creatures that are slithering all over the place]
Rick: Don't let any of those things get away, Morty. If their DNA gets into Earth's food chain, our entire species could be sterilized.
Morty: Then why aren't we killing them?!
Rick: Great. Next time I need a species sterilized, who's gonna do it for me? You?
[A purple crystal on the shelf starts glowing and emitting an otherworldly noise]
Morty: Oh, Rick! I-Is that the Vindibeacon? We're being called to assemble by the Vindicators!
Rick: I refuse to answer a literal call to adventure, Morty. Let it go to voicemail!
Morty: Rick, the Vindicators only call when the universe itself is at stake! They're first line of defense against evil! They're the guardians of the unguarded!
Rick: They're the writers of their own press releases, Morty! They're a bunch of drama queens that spend an hour talking and twenty minutes jumping around while shit blows up. They're a phase. We did one, it was the big event of that summer. Let it die.
Morty: I, Morty Smith, invoke my right to choose one in every ten Rick and Morty adventures. [holds up a "Morty Adventure Card" with ten squares and all but one containing a Morty-shaped stamp mark] Read 'em and weep.
Rick: God... fuckin' dammit! [takes the card] Fine! But don't say I didn't warn you. [stamps the remaining square]
Morty: [excited] Yes! [presses a button on the Vindibeacon and speaks into it] Vindicator command ship, beacon received! We're doing Vindicators Twoooooooooo!
[one of the slugs slithers outside and gets eaten by a pigeon]
Rick: Whoops! Uh, Morty, you might want to freeze some sperm.
[cut to title sequence]
----
[Open on an establishing shot of the Vindicator command ship]
Supernova: [voiceover] Vindicators, Worldender is back...
[Cut to inside the ship's briefing room, where the Vindicators are sitting at a round table with a holographic diagram of Worldender in the center; Supernova is floating and explaining the situation]]
Supernova: ..and this time, he's out to end more than worlds. We have reason to believe his stronghold is located on...
Rick: [interrupting] My balls.
Morty: Rick!
Supernova: ...the Terraneus system. Once in range, Million Ants will scan for pheromone activity, which should lead us to the location of the base.
Rick: Oh, that's Million Ants. I can't see the ants over here. It just assumed that was, uh, Turd Man. Wiggly Turd Man.
Morty: Rick, stop!
Supernova: Rick, you have something to add to the briefing?
Rick: Uh, yeah, just a few more design notes. [points to Crocubot] Um, this guy. The, uh... The, uh...
Crocubot: I am Crocubot.
Rick: [laughs] Right, Crocubot. So, you're half-cold, unfeeling reptile, half-also cold, equally-unfeeling machine.
Crocubot: Yes.
Rick: So, you're origin is what? Y-You fell into a vat of redundancy?
Noob-Noob: [sweeping up in the background; snickers] Got damn!
Supernova: Noob-Noob, we're having a briefing! [to Rick] If I can continue, Rick. I anticipate sophisticated security measures. I trust you can be of service there.
Rick: Well, let me check my list of powers and weaknesses. Ability to do anything... But only whenever I want... Yeah, that sounds like a job for me.
Alan: I wish he had the ability to check is attitude.
Rick: Alan Rails, ladies and gentleman. After his parents' tragic death in a railroad accident, he gained the power to summon ghost trains. It's not all bad, though. They were spared having to see their grown son wear a whistle!
Noob-Noob: Got damn!
Rick: Thanks, Noob-Noob! This guy gets it.
[the doors open and Vance Maximus flies in on his jetpack; he lands and drinks from a martini glass]
Morty: Vance Maximus, Renegade Star Soldier!
[Vance tosses the glass and zaps it out of existence with a laser arm cannon]
Vance: Sorry I'm late. It was happy hour.
[Everyone laughs]
Morty: [laughing] Happy hour.
Rick: Uh, I was also late because of my drinking and mentioned it to zero applause.
Vance: Rick Sanchez, Tinkerer of Terror. Man, that's hard to say. And... Morty, right?
Morty: Whoa, yeah!
Vance: I never forget a kid. [to everyone] What do you say, Vindicators? Let's make this three for three?
[Everyone but Rick and Morty cheers]
Morty: Did he say "three for three"?
Rick: Did he say he never forgets a kid?
Morty: You mean "two for two", right, Vance?
[The Vindicators exchange looks]
Supernova: Actually, we assembled a second time last summer to fight Doomnomitron.
Morty: So, this is... Vindicators 3? And you guys did Vindicators 2... w-without us?
Million Ants: [beat] I sense... insecurity.
Vance: Are you sure there's not just a picnic nearby.
[Everyone but Rick and Morty laughs]
Rick: I guess he found his crowd. Pretty toothless stuff, guys.
----
[Open on an establishing shot of the command ship]
[Cut to inside the bedroom where Rick and Morty are staying; Rick is brushing his teeth in the bathroom, while Morty sits in his bed reading an article on an iPad-like tablet]
Rick: [spits into the sink and exits the bathroom] I hope you're happy with the adventure so far, Morty. These guys are even lamer than last time.
Morty: We weren't here "last time", remember? They did a whole Vindicators without us. A bunch of them got killed, too. They lost Lady Katana, Calypso, Diablo Verde...
Rick: Yikes. Yeah, things did feel less diverse in there. [goes back into the bathroom and continues brushing]
Morty: This article says the reason we weren't involved was... "personality conflicts".
Rick: Don't worry, Morty, they love you. Superheroes need a wide-eyed unremarkable to tag along and react to everything like it's mind-blowing.
Morty: I... think the personality conflict might have been... you.
Rick: [spits] Jesus... How awesome is that? I mean, they wanted to not need me so bad, they murdered three innocent heroes of color, and they still had to bring me back?
Morty: Rick, since it's my adventure and all, could you do me a favor? 
Rick: Uh, the adventure is the favor, Morty. Me sleeping on these linens is the favor. I mean, w-w-w-what--what are we vindicating? Comfort?
Morty: Rick, this really bums me out. It-It's embarrassing to find out these guys don't like us.
Rick: Why? Morty, [burp] I defeat gagoos more powerful than these guys every week.
Morty: Yeah, but not heroes.
Rick: Oh, please. They just call themselves heroes so they can...
Morty: I'm calling them that, Rick! They're my heroes! Mine! [angrily lies down in his bed]
[Rick is visibly hurt by Morty's remark]
Rick: Huh... no accounting for taste. I'm gonna go get a drink.
[Rick fires his portal gun and enters the portal; Morty turns off the lights and goes to sleep]
----
[Open on an establishing shot of the command ship the next morning]
[Inside the bedroom, the lights go on and Morty wakes up]
PA System: Good morning, Vindicators. Ship has arrived at Terraneus system. All Vindicators report to the... briefing room. The--The room from the, uh... the... Uh, it's the d--It's a different room than--than... conference room. I'm sorry, it's my first day as a PA system. First day jitters. [imitates radio crackle]
----
[In the briefing room, Morty walks in to find the Vindicators looking down at Rick, who is passed out on the table with his pants down and lying in puddles of his own diarrhea]]
Morty: [mortified] Oh, God.
Supernova: Good morning. Looks like your grandpa had a long night. Crocubot, why don't you escort Mr. Sanchez to a more comfortable spot so that someone can... [sigh] clean up his diarrhea.
[Crocubot picks up Rick and carries him out of the room; Noob-Noob walks in carrying firearms and ammunition]
Noob-Noob: Whoa, I'm nervous about my first mission.
Supernova: Actually, Noob-Noob, you have a new mission. [makes the guns and ammo disappear and conjures a mop]
Noob-Noob: [sadly] Got... damn.
Supernova: Vindicators, prepare for arrival.
[The team disperses while Noob-Noob gets to cleaning; Vance approaches Morty]
Vance: Morty, the Vindicators and I had a chat this morning and I'm afraid we need to make a little change.
Morty: [sigh] I-I totally get it. I-I'm so sorry.
Vance: You should be. [opens a locker, takes out a blue Vindicator vest and tosses it to Morty] Running around in a yellow t-shirt like you're not one of us? Disgraceful. 
Morty: [tongue-tied] I-I-I... I'm not a superhero.
Vance: Cop a squat, chief. [they sit down] Everyone in the universe is a hero. All you have to do is know the difference between good and bad, and root for good.
Morty: Rick says "good" and "bad" are artificial constructs.
Vance: Yeah, well, I get the feeling... he kind of needs that to be the case. [to Noob-Noob] Not coming, Noob-Noob?
Noob-Noob: [slips on some diarrhea] Ohh! No, uh, I... I got stuff to do here.
----
[The ship passes by the planet's surface, and the Vindicators hop out and land safely on the ground at the entrance to Worldender's hideout; Morty is riding on Million Ants, while Crocubot is holding a passed-out Rick; various drones advance toward the team]
Vance: Security drones, inbound.
Supernova: Star Mother, grant me your wrath! [echoes]
[She creates a triangular portal, from which shooting stars emerge and eliminate the drones; the team runs toward the entrance, only to find it has no door]
Alan: All aboard!
[He blows on his whistle, summoning a ghost train that plows a hole through the mountain and creates an entrance; the team goes inside and finds a wall of dripping lava; Million Ants is able to alter his form to pass through and disable the machine that makes the lava; the team continues moving; Million Ants turns a corner and is hit with bullets from automatic turrets, leaving holes in his form]
Million Ants: Aah! [goes back and faces the team] Gun turret.
Supernova: Are you all right?
Million Ants: Yes. I only lost 400 ants. My queen is laying more. [his holes are now gone] I am back to one million ants.
Supernova: Someone wake up Sanchez.
[Crocubot lays Rick down; Vance sprays a puff of blue gas from a finger gun on him, waking him up]
Rick: Ugh! Oh, Christ...
Supernova: Rick, you're up.
Rick: Barely.
Supernova: Rick, we're taking fire from an automated turret. Can you bring it offline?
Rick: Uh-huh.
[Rick takes out a thermos-like container and opens it; he pours some red chemical into a small container, and it generates a small, plump alien creature; he lift sit over his eyeballs and squirts red liquid from it like an dropper, and it pops] 
Rick: Uh, my God, that's better.
Supernova: RICK!
Rick: Hey, I can't help if I can't see.
[Rick takes out a small roving device that goes out to face the turrets; the bullets go through a gooey, mercury-like disc at the top of it; the goo is pulled into the device, and out come thin silver discs that morph into small robots, who climb onto the turrets and plug the barrels; Rick jumps out and strikes a "ta-da" pose; the plugged turrets fire until they explode]
Alan: I could've just used a ghost train.
Rick: Really? You don't say. You would have used a ghost train? [sarcastic] Hey, everybody, the ghost train guy would have used a ghost train!
[The team begins to press forward]
Alan: Man, fuck you.
Rick: Is there coffee? Hey, Morty, can you be a pal? Grandpa left his coffee maker on the ship. Y-You know, the French press thing?
Morty: [annoyed] Get it yourself.
----
[The team makes their way through the malls leading to Worldender's lair]
Rick: Little extra [burp] snippy this morning, aren't you?
Morty: Just focus on the mission, all right?
Rick: [sarcastic] Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, you're right. Ooh, real serious. Gotta take it real serious, huh? [makes a gun sign with his hand and moves forward]
[The team enters Worldender's lair and are shocked to find his henchmen massacred]
Alan: [gasp] Son of a steam engine! They're all dead!
Crocubot: Why would Worldender do this to his own men... and several women?
Vance: Well, he is the Worldender. The guy ends worlds. Kind of his thing.
Rick: [still sarcastic] Ooh, real scared. Real fucking on alert, high alert over here.
[Rick steps on a part of the floor that triggers the appearance of a hook with a mortally-wounded Worldender hanging from it; his stomach is ripped open with his guts spilling out]
Vance: What the FUCK?!
Supernova: It's Worldender! What happened to him?
Worldender: [weak, pain-filled moan]
Million Ants: I sense his life force is fading.
Rick: Million Ants, ladies and gentleman! The ant colony with the power of two human eyes!
[Worldender coughs up an organ and dies]
Rick: All right. Short mission, good mission. Remember when Alan wanted to use a ghost train? See you guys in Vindicators 4. Morty?
Morty: Rick, whoever did this is an even bigger threat than Worldender! We can't leave now!
Supernova: He's right. This is far from over.
Rick: Well, have fun with that. But Morty and I have to meet a comet girl, a monorail man, two assholes and a full alligator in, like, an hour.
[The windows in the lair fall shut by themselves; the team readies their powers for battle; Rick reaches into his coat for his portal gun; the scene briefly cuts away to his bathroom on the ship, where the portal gun is lying next to a vomit-filled sink]
Rick: Shit.
Million Ants: I sense the presence of a greater evil.
[A giant monitor lowers; on the screen is Rick, drunk off his ass, adjusting the camera and stepping back]
Drunk Rick: Check, check, One, two. Okay, is it recording? Good. Hello, Vindicators. Welcome to your reckoning, babyyyyyyyy!!
[Everyone turns toward Rick]
Rick: Welp, it's official. I had too much to drink last night.
[Cut to black; end of Act One]
----
[Open on the team watching Drunk Rick on the monitor]
Drunk Rick: [adjusts camera] If you guys are watching this, you're, you know, the Vindicators. So now that we know...
Vance: [points his arm cannons at Rick] Rick? What's going on, buddy?
Rick: Obviously, I came here last night during a blackout.
Supernova: Obviously? You came here and defeated our arch-nemesis while so drunk, you don't remember doing it? That's something obvious to you?
Rick: Look, I'm a lit--[burp] little more complex than you guys and, no offense, but I've always suspected that a lot of what you do in a year could be knocked out in a couple of hours.
Drunk Rick: ...So I thought, why not just do your job for you so we can have a little fun game. [points to the left]
[The team turns to the left; a spotlight shines on a game show board with crude drawings of the Vindicators with descriptive cards below them, plus a countdown clock timed at 3 minutes above it]
Morty: Rick, is-is this a "Saw" thing? Are you seriously "Saw"-ing the Vindicators?
Rick: Morty I'm a drunk, not a hack.
Drunk Rick: If you break the rules, lose the game or try to leave, you will die. Like in [burp] "Sawwww".
Rick: [embarrassed] Well, I-I-I think we've seen enough. I'll just figure out how to unplug this. [runs somewhere]
Drunk Rick: Okay, here we go, room number one. The Vindicators are known throughout the galaxy, but do they know yourselves? Do you know yourselves? Match your... your shit, your... your gimmicks with your faces and y-you get it, it's a matching thing. And do it in three minutes, or you'll [burp] all die.
[Rick returns; the clock begins counting down]
Vance: Screw this. I'm not playing his game. I'm gonna find us a way out of here.
Rick: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Vance. He said you'd die if you tried to leave. That means there's booby traps.
Vance: Why are you acting like that's not you?!
Rick: What part of "blackout" don't you understand? I thought you drank?
Vance: Like cool drinking! Like sexy drinking, not this psycho trailer-park shit!
Morty: Vance, stay calm...
Vance: Oh, so you're the leader now because we gave you a jacket?! You're the learning-disabled kid we do photo-ops with!
Morty: Okay, ouch, but...
Vance: [hyperventilating] Okay, this... this is triggering me. I need space. I-I need SPACE! FROM THIS!
[Vance flies up to the ceiling, tears open a grate and tries to enter the ventilation duct; rapid-fire gunshots, electrical crackles, a chainsaw, and a slicing blade are heard from within as blood and bones fall from above; the team looks on in horror as Vance's lower half falls to the floor; one of his rocket boots suddenly turns on and his remains go flying across the room, splattering blood everywhere, until Crocubot destroys them it with his eye laser; a furious Alan holds Rick up by his throat and raises his fist]
Alan: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't crush your windpipe!
Rick: Because my epidermis is laced with a nanofiber defense mesh.
[an electrical explosion originates from Rick's throat, sending Alan flying back]
Rick: And because, like I said, I don't remember last night.
Alan: I told you not to invite this mummified motherfucker back!
Rick: Alan, I'm not proud of what's happening here, but if you keep coming at me, there's gonna be another passenger on that ghost train.
Morty: Guys! [finishes placing the cards underneath the pictures] I've figured it out.
Drunk Rick: Congrats! You did it--[burp] it!
[The doors to the next room open]
Morty: It was a bit. All of the descriptors apply to all of you. Drunk Rick's point is that none of you are very special or different. [despondent] That's always his point.
Supernova: Let's just get through this as quickly as possible. Then, we'll deal with the two of you.
[Everyone starts to walk into the next room]
Morty: The two of us?! [to Rick] I hope you're proud of yourself!
Rick: Uh, I kind of am. I saved the goddamn universe.
Morty: That's not the issue, Rick!
Rick: Ahh, it would've been if I hadn't.
----
[The next room, contains a metal platform; another monitors lowers, showing Drunk Rick wearing a deerstalker cap]
Drunk Rick: The Vindicators say their job is... is to fight evil wherever it hides, but they don't... pick the location you'll... you'll never even hear them mention, because to fight darkness is to fight yourself.
[A holographic map projection of the galaxy appears on the platform]
Crocubot: Oh, I know this! Dorian 5! [walks toward the hologram]
Supernova: Crocubot, don't!
Crocubot: [swiping through the map] There's no other possible answer. My mechanical and reptilian logic are certain of it.
[He picks Dorian 5 on the map and faces the team; the two sides of the platform suddenly clap together and crush him to death, spraying blood and guts on the others]
Rick: Huh, I'm seeing more croc than bot here.
Supernova: Goddammit!
Morty: Uh, what happened on Dorian 5?
Supernova: Nothing!
Alan: Nothing?! We exterminated a planet!
Morty: W-Wait, huh?
Supernova: Doomnomitron was hiding there! He's a shapeshifter! Destroying Dorian 5 was the only way to kill him!
Drunk Rick: Come on, guys, we're all thinking it. Don't... [cough] Don't make me say it.
Morty: [with annoyed realization] Oh, o-okay. This again? [talks toward the hologram]
Rick: You know, [burp] I could have made a device to detect Doomnomitron from orbit like [snap] that.
Supernova: I'm not the one that didn't want you back. Alan was!
Alan: [threateningly] If you lay those deaths at my doorstep one more time...
Million Ants: [appears between them] Do not threaten her!
[A "ding" sound is heard]
Drunk Rick: Congrats, you did it!
[The doors to the next room open; Morty has chosen Israel on the map]
Supernova: What the hell is Is-ra-el?
Morty: I-It's just something Rick starts talking about whenever he's blackout drunk.
Rick: W-What? In w--In w-w-what--In what way? Like, w-w-what's my point?
Morty: In a way that has no point! You just babble about defense budgets and the United Nations, and then you pass out!
Rick: So, to be clear, I sometimes reference the geopolitical complexities of the topic, which is not the same as going to an anti-Semitic place. 
Million Ants: I have no stake in this.
Rick: I don't either. I-I'm just saying, if anything, the drunk version of me is probably so supportive of Israel, he wants what's best for it and...
Million Ants: Hey, man, I'm not touching this. You do you.
[Everyone walks into the next room]
----
[Everyone goes into the next room; the doors close behind them; another monitor is there showing Drunk Rick wearing a Hawaiian t-shirt and holding a coconut drink]
Drunk Rick: Aloha... means hello and goodbye in Hawaii. But, uh, aloha means... has nothing to do with this room. [cough] I'm so fucking drunk. Ugh, okay, here's the deal. I-I want to rest my eyes for a little bit. I'm--I'm not going to sleep. I just... just need to rest my eye, so let's make this one simple. Just try to hit some three-pointers.
[A light turns on to reveal a basketball hoop, as well as a neutrino bomb and a countdown clock set a five minutes]
Drunk Rick: let's say... you have to hit... five three-pointers in... five minutes or, I don't know, the whole place--the whole planet will get blown up with a n-neutrino bomb. And try to make it a-a lesson about yourselves like, like how... selfish you a-are, or something. Also, Hawaii.
Morty: [sigh] You guys hit the baskets. I'll disarm the drunkenly-improvised neutrino bomb. There's a 40% chance it's a dud, but y-you should still stay back. [starts working on the bomb]
Rick: Morty, how many of these...?
Morty: [angrily] Too many, Rick! Too many!
Rick: Man, I am really getting high-roaded today. [walks to join Morty]
[The remaining Vindicators start playing; Million Ants tosses a basketball, and Supernova levitates it over the hoop and drops it; a "ding" is heard and a digital counter on the wall counts up one shot]
Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer!
Alan: Nice shot.
Million Ants: Thank you.
Alan: You two make quite a team. [tosses the ball to Million Ants]
Supernova: We all do.
Alan: Yeah, I guess.
[Million Ants and Supernova make another shot; a "ding" is heard and the counter counts up one shot]
Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer!
Alan: [sounding jealous] But you guys have always had a... an unspoken bond.
[He throws the ball into Million Ants' form; he pulls it out of him]
Alan: I mean, really unspoken. Like, "let's-not-tell-my-husband" unspoken.
[Million Ants tosses the ball and misses; a buzzer is heard]
Supernova: [annoyed] We aren't married anymore, Alan.
Alan: [becoming aggressive] Sure, but were we married when you two were "stranded" on Delphi 6 for three days? Because I sensed something was weird when you can back. But what do I know about sensitivity? I'm just a phantom train conductor. You're the pile of ordinary bugs that fucked my wife!
[Million Ants makes a shot; a "ding" is heard and the counter counts up one shot]
Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer!
[Meanwhile, Rick and Morty are still trying to disable the bomb]
Rick: Where the fuck is the lead wire?!
Morty: You always put it in the weirdest place! Um, uh, over here, maybe?
Rick: Jesus Christ, what a shitty neutrino bomb. It's a miracle I actually every destroy anything.
Morty: Oh, I don't know. You managed to destroy just about everything today; the villains, the heroes, the lines between them, my childhood...
Rick: Thank you. I appreciate it, Morty. I know you were sucking the Kool-Aid out of the Vindicators' dicks, so the fact that I was right about them must be pretty hard to admit.
Morty: Yeah, it is. You know why, Rick? Because when you're an asshole, it doesn't matter how right you are, nobody wants to give you the satisfaction.
Rick: I know. Everyone wants people they like to be right. That's why popular people are fucking dumb. And why your pretentious, poorly-written, high-budget friends back there can eat a double-decker shit sandwich. [the bomb powers down] Disarmed.
Morty: [with realization] Holy shit. You're jealous.
[Back on the court, the remaining Vindicators are still arguing]
Supernova: YES! Is that what you want to hear?!
Alan: Did it feel good?! Did you like his six million wriggling legs more than my tragedy-stricken, half-ghost, half-tumescent penis?!
[Million Ants alters his form to make the ball and himself go through the hoop; a "ding" is heard and the counter counts up one shot]
Drunk Rick: That's a three-pointer!
Morty: Guys, stop! You're just proving my asshole grandpa right!
Supernova: [growing sad] You wish this was about sex! We loved each other! We had a child together.
Alan: WHAT?!
Supernova: [crying] I conceived a child with Million Ants and it died inside me because it as HALF A MILLION ANTS AND HALF COLLAPSING STAR! And yes, he was better than you!
Alan: Yeah?
Million Ants: [morphs into a larger attack form] One million times better!
Alan: ALL ABOOOOOOARD, MOTHERFUCKER!!!
[He tries to pull a powerful punch on Million Ants, whose ants disperse to avoid getting hit]
Supernova: STOP! [echoes]
[She conjures a purple force field to trap Alan and Million Ants in; Million Ants enters a screaming Alan's mouth, causing his body to expand until he bursts; and blood and guts splatter everywhere and cover Rick and Morty]
Rick: Oof! Didn't see that comin'.
Supernova: Is that sarcasm?! [conjures handcuffs onto Rick and Morty] I don't want you slipping away then this is over! All of these deaths are on your hands!
Rick: Oh, come on, maybe a couple of them, but definitely not the train guy.
[Supernova hits Rick in the groin with one of the miniature celestial bodies orbiting her, making him double over in pain]
Supernova: All of them.
Rick: O-kayyy...
[Million Ants alters his form to make the ball and himself go through the hoop; a "ding" is heard and the counter counts up one shot]
Drunk Rick: Congrats, you did it!
----
[The team (or, rather, what's left of it) enters the enxt room; the doors close behind then, inside is a platform and another monitor with Drunk Rick on it]
Drunk Rick: All right, by now, I've been pretty clear that I think the Vindicators are [cough] full of shit. But... you do have one thing I'll never have. And that thing is the only part of the Vindicators with any value to me. If you know what it is, place it on the platform. Guess wrong and the pla... planet will explode. And probably the solar system, 'cause I kind of fucking eyeballed the neutrino bombs on this one. 
Supernova: So what's the trick? Morty, you're the Drunk Rick expert.
Morty: I think... no matter what we put on there, we die. He said it's the part of the Vindicators he values. That means nothing. He wants our last moment alive to be spent knowing how few fucks he gave.
Supernova: Jesus! Okay, open to second opinions!
Rick: I could--It could be Morty. 
Morty: What?
Rick: Hey, I don't know. I mean, look, when I get drunk, I get stupid and emotional and there's no logic to it. It's, like, possible I got so drunk, I felt like I was losing Morty to the Vindicators, and maybe this is my way of saying "Okay, you can have him, but only if you know how important he is, otherwise I'll kill you."
Million Ants: That is a... really specific guess.
Rick: Look, I... there's nothing in the room but us. I'm just using logic to connect some dots. It's the best guess I've got.
Supernova: But you're betting our lives on it.
Morty: [smiling smugly, starting walking toward the platform] I'll cover that bet. I get it.
Rick: Well, Morty, I think you're making that smirky face because you're misinterpreting the moment. I am not being coy about some hidden love for you. I want to be really clear that, if anyone has a better guess, like, if I gave you an amulet last night, or...
[Morty steps on the platform; a "ding" is heard and everyone else sighs in relief; the platform suddenly opens underneath Morty and a chair pops up for him to sit on; the chair goes down and the platform closes]
Rick: Oh, shit.
----
[Underneath the platform, the chair powers Morty into a rocket-shaped cart; it starts moving forward like a dark ride at a theme park; he passes through a cardboard cutout environment depicting giant monsters destroying a city]
Drunk Rick: Sorry, I'm... not good at goodbyes. It looks like I'm never gonna see you again. I can't really roll with the hero types, and I don't... th-they don't want me around. But I want... you to know, even if I didn't show it at the time, II really appreciated you sticking by me.
[Some doors open up to reveal the end of the line; a ramp leads to cardboard cutouts haped like a pair of hands with a rainbow painted on them; a monitor appears with Drunk Rick on it]
Drunk Rick: [getting emotional] Goddammit, why am I crying? It makes no sense.
Morty: [he is touched and wipes tears from his eyes]
Drunk Rick: Ugh, y-you're probably confused because we barely know each other...
Morty: [his expression becomes puzzled]
Drunk Rick: ...but you really stuck your neck out [burp] when you gave me props for my awesome jokes in the briefing room. Everybody else had their heads so far up their ass. Even my own grandson is like, "Oh, the Vindicators are so cool." I mean, he's a moron, it's their... demographic. But you're different, Noob-Noob.
Morty: [getting angry] ...Motherfucker!
Drunk Rick: [crying] You're fucking cool! And you're smart! And I bet we coulda hung out and shit! And I hope you get to be a full-fledged Vindicator! A-And d-do me a favor. Do-Don't let him know I... I got emotional. But you can tell him one thing. Tell him I said... Oh, fuck. Okay, I just shit myself. Okay, later.
[The monitor turns off, the rocket starts going backward]
----
[Supernova, Million Ants and Rick are standing by the platform when a bitter Morty emerges from it]
Rick: W--Dude, Morty, what happened i...?
Morty: Shut up.
[The platform starts to rise]
Million Ants: I sense this means we are not dying.
Supernova: Not all of us.
[She starts to Force-choke Rick and Morty]
Million Ants: Sweetheart?
Supernova: Just let Titty-Bean do this, Snuzzles. It's for the greater good.
Morty: [gagging] Greater good?!
Rick: [also gagging] Titty-Bean?
Supernova: It's like you said, Morty: there's no right or wrong.
Morty: Never said that!
Supernova: It's the galaxy's faith in the Vindicators that keeps the galaxy secure!
Rick: [sarcastic] Yeah, I feel safer already.
Morty: No doubt. Who do we make the check out to?
Rick: I'll say, we are gettin' some good licks in while choking to death.
Morty: Right?
Million Ants: Titty-Bean, listen to me. When you came to me, I was merely a sentient colony of ants. It was your beliefs, your pursuit of justice, that taught me to be a man.
[Supernova stops strangling Rick and Morty; they drop to the floor]
Supernova: When did it get so complicated?
Million Ants: Who knows? But we can make it simple again.
Supernova: You were always the romantic. [sinister] Which is why you can't leave either.
[She reaches into Million Ants' chest and removes the queen ant]
Supernova: Goodbye, my love.
[She squishes the queen, causing Million Ants to fall apart and become a non-sentient pile of ants]
Rick: Damn! She double-crossed Snuzzles!
[Supernova looms over Rick and Morty and prepares to deal a fatal blow]
Supernova: Silence! I'm going to enjoy this...
[She is interrupted by the sound of an air horn]
----
[The platform reaches the top and the three suddenly find themselves at a party]
Announcer: Let's give a huge thanks to Rick Sanchez for killing Worldender, putting this awesome party together, and for booking one of the hottest talents out there: Logic!
Logic: [offscreen] Aww, yeah! [starts rapping]
Rick: Look at that. Geez, I must've planned a whole party. Invited a bunch of people. Not bad, Drunk Rick, not bad.
[Logic appears on the stage]
Logic: Are you ready?
There's a choo-choo train man, he's rolling down tragedy
Everybody knowing Supernova fights gravity
[Morty notices Supernova making her way through crowds, pretending to dance with them]
Morty: Rick, Supernova's getting away!
Rick: Ah, who cares?
Morty: But.. she was trying to kill us!
Rick: Morty, twenty people try to kill me every week. I end up getting high with half of 'em. I mean, check it out, Gear Head's here.
[Gear Head is sampling food at a table; in the background, some teenagers are taking photos with Worldender's corpse]
Gear Head: Hmm. Well, that's gonna shoot through me.
Beth: [walks out from the crowd] Morty, you're wearing a Vindicator jacket. Are you a little superhero now?
Morty: Everyone in the universe is a hero, Mom. Which is why we don't need jackets. [takes his jacket off] And I'm pretty sure we don't need Vindicators.
Gear Head: [takes the jacket] Don't mind if I do. [walks offscreen] Hey, everybody! Look who's a Vindicator!
Summer: [walks out from the crowd, carrying her phone] Man, Grandpa Rick must have gotten shitfaced.
Rick: Shut up, Summer.
Logic: Can't forget about the one who never seems to get a chance
Crowd: Noob-Noob!
Logic: All the bitches come around for...
Crowd: Noob-Noob!
Logic: His dick gets more visits than...
Crowd: YouTube!
Rick: Who the fuck is Noob-Noob?
[Morty turns to Rick with an exasperated expression; cut to credits; Logic's rap continues until the end]
----
[On Gear World, Gear Head, wearing Morty's Vindicator jacket, is hanging out with two Gear girls by a gear cream stand]
Gear Girl #1: I can't believe we're getting gear cream with a Vindicator.
Gear Head: So, you girls in Gear college or Gear...
[An explosion occurs offscreen; a frightened citizen runs by]
Gear Citizen: Alien terror attack!
Gear Head: [starts to slowly back into an alley] Okay, sounds like a job for... me. I better go get into my alter ego.
Gear Girl #1: [gasp] So cool!
Gear Girl #2: I know.
Gear Girl #1: Wait, what alter ego? He was already wearing the jacket.
[They look into the alley and see that Gear Head had throws away the jacket and is beating a hasty retreat]
Gear Head: Gotta know when to hold 'em and...
[He trips on a pile of gears and falls down; he breaks apart as others look on]
Category:Rick and Morty Transcripts