Zomped Twice

Zomped Twice is the thirty-seventh episode of Cult of Squid. It aired August 7th, 2020, and was written by Locknloaded23 and Purple133.
== Plot ==
Zomp returns to Bikini Bottom in order to use black magic to open a gateway to hell and take over Hell's arsenal.
== Transcript ==
(Episode begins with a mysterious hooded figure walking up to a warehouse with two armed fish standing guard)
Guard 1: Sir, who are you?
Guard 2: why did you bring us here? It's cold!
Hooded Figure: Come on Jack and Sam, you know me!
Guard 2: No! Who the hell are you?
Hooded Figure: let's just say you and I worked together for over 2 years.
Guard 2: wait… are you... Zomp?
Zomp: (removes hood) that’s right, I’m back.
Guard 1: We thought you were dead sir!
Zomp: Well I’m not. 
Guard 2: What are you doing back?
Zomp: I need to access the most deadly weaponry arsenal of all times - The Weaponmaster of Hell’s Arsenal. 
Guard 2: The what?
Guard 1: Isn’t that just a myth?
Zomp: It’s far too real my boys. 
Guard 1: How do you get to it?
Zomp: Well first thing’s first, I need blood.
Guard 2: but where are you gonna get blood?
Zomp: straight from the source, of course.
(Ode to Joy plays as the camera pans away as Zomp is heard unsheathing a blade and stabbing the guards to death; cut to Squidward sitting in his new luxurious lounge chair)
Squidward: I tell you Noseward this was the best investment we ever made.
Noseward: That wasn’t an investment Squidward we stole it from the impound. Or what’s left of the impound.
Squidward: Right.
Security: Say Squidward are you sure that we’re going to be able to maintain control over everything? What with society starting to rebuild? 
Squidward: Hey, yeah, how’s that going by the way?
Security: how would I know? Im not involved.
(Cut to SpongeBob sitting in his pineapple next to Patrick)
SpongeBob: Well Patrick home improvements are done!
(A piece of the ceiling falls and hits the floor revealing the still on fire outside world; cut back to the cult)
Squidward: well, boys, we almost are done with reforming our great Cult, so feel free to just relax all day.
Noseward: But Brother Squidward, how can we relax? We still have lots of problems! Satan might still be after us, and we aren't even done rebuilding!
Squidward: we beat that stupid devil, remember?
Security: uh, no we didnt, remember? He disappeared after he gained full power, and-
Squidward: SHUT UP! I SAY WE DEFEATED HIM- Well, for now at least - SO THAT MEANS WE DEFEATED HIM!
Security: but-
Squidward: DONT QUESTION ME! 
Doctor Crayons: but, sir, i predict a 96.5% chance of-
Squidward: WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!
Noseward: Squidward you’re acting very irrational.
Squidward: Fine, maybe I am, but only just a little bit, right?
Noseward: no, VERY irrational.
Squidward: ...shut up.
(Somebody knocks on the door)
Squidward: Who’s there!
SpongeBob: Uh Squidward it’s me I came to ask if you had any left over robes.
Squidward: Why?
SpongeBob: The uh Feathered Friends uh..we need new uniforms.
Squidward: Uh sure. Security get them some robes!
(Cut to Zomp painting with blood)
Zomp: This is good fun. Oh wait, you two are dead! Let me just paint in silence. What do you mean paint in silence you fool! You’re going insane! AM NOT! AM TOO!
(Zomp finishes painting the circle which is now glowing red)
Zomp: And the best part is, nobody can stop me.
(Zomp is spotted by the Initiator who vanishes and reappears in the cult)
Initiator: Hey Brother Squidward, I’ve spotted a guy opening a portal to hell.
Squidward: Who?
Initiator: Some dude, he was wearing a tux and holding a blue pistol.
Squidward: (quietly) dear God!
Initiator: uh, what?
Squidward: Zomp is back! Oh god, i knew this day would come! I knew hed come to finish us off!
Initiator: Who?
Squidward: Okay so do you remember how I told you that there used to be a different timeline where the cult failed and went into ruin?
Initiator: Yeah?
Squidward: Well in that timeline there was this arms dealer named Zomp who betrayed us and kinda, sorta, caused our demise.
Initiator: So you want revenge?
Squidward: Well first I want to figure out what he’s up to. He wouldn’t come back to Bikini Bottom without reason, not since Sandy’s group chased him out a few months ago. 
Initiator: he sure seemed like he was up to something. He disappeared into the portal as soon as it opened.
Squidward: What the heck would Zomp want to go to Hell for? Unless… (ponders questions a bit, then has a shocked gasp) HE'S TRYING TO UNLEASH DEMONS ONTO THE CULT! QUICK, LEAD ME TO THE PORTAL!
Initiator: follow me!
(They both run outside)
(Cut to them at the portal Zomp painted)
Squidward: so is this where Zomp disappeared to?
Initiator: yeah. It looks like It's still active. Look at its red glow.
Squidward: looks like the link i made between Hell and Earth is still active, then. Come on, Let's jump in.
(Squidward and the Initiator jump in and land in a room with all sorts of odd other-worldly weapons on the walls; swords with rune markings, other oddly shaped blades, a ball with runes dotting it)
Squidward: are we in Hell?
Initiator: (visibly sweating) pretty sure we are. It's really damn hot here!
(They spot a sign reading "READ HOOPLA'S FANTASTIC BEACH!" on the wall)
Squidward: yep, this is Hell alright.
initiator: But like what is this place?
(A muffled scream is heard in the corner, Squidward turns around to see Zomp stabbing a demon dressed in executioner’s robes with one of the dune swords)
Zomp: Oh hello, so glad you could make it!
(The demon’s eyes flicker and he dies)
Squidward: wait, did you just kill that demon?
Zomp: Yes, I just killed a demon. It may sound impossible but these demons aren't as powerful as Satan so they aren't immortal. But anyways, it's so nice to finally meet the famed conquerors of the sea! Glad to see how poorly it went for you. I’m just gonna take some of these weapons to become the most powerful weapons dealer In the WORLD! And would you want in?
Squidward: hell no!
(Laugh track)
Squidward: is there always a laugh track here?
Sinner: (crawls out of a large pit of fire) YES! AND IT'S TORTURE! HELP US! HEEEEEELP!
Squidward: ew! (Pushes the sinner back into the pit)
Zomp: well, if you dont want to take the offer, there's always option 2.
Squidward: and what, dare I ask, is option 2?
(Zomp points 2 of the guns at them, making them throw their hands in the air)
Zomp: YOU DIE! (laughs maniacally as Brother Squidward and Initiator start profusely shaking in fear)
Initiator: i got this. (Suddenly poofs away and behind Zomp)
Zomp: What the- no matter! Taking you out will be easy as cake!
(Zomp grabs a rune blade and attempts to stab The Initiator who grabs a rune blade of his own)
Initiator: I challenge you to a d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!
Zomp: Fine! (Lets out a warcry)
(Zomp stabs the initiator in the leg with his blade)
Initiator: OW! WHY DID YOU STAB ME?! IS THAT ALL YOU GOT, WEAK MAN?!
(Zomp throws another punch but Initiator poofs behind him, stabbing him in his back)
Zomp: (falling to ground) you (coughs blood) ...win (coughs even harder) ...this round, you stupid pieces of (throws up)
(Zomp pulls out another blade)
Zomp: HAHA!
(Zomp’s wound on his back heals and the blade falls to the ground)
Initiator: What the hell?
Zomp: You do understand I had a backup plan, right? Before I came down here I simply cast a couple spells and gave myself some regeneration abilities for a couple of hours. How about them apples?
Squidward: What’s an apple?
Zomp: Really?
(Zomp attacks Squidward who grabs a shield just in time, bouncing Zomp backwards into a pile of rune spheres)
Zomp: Oh yes.
(Zomp throws a sphere and it explodes, shooting lava everywhere)
Squidward: Woah!
Zomp: I’m gonna make sure neither of you leave here alive. 
Squidward: Oh crap.
(Zomp grabs a mace and starts swinging it)
Initiator: Uh Squidward what do we do?
(Squidward trips Zomp while he’s spinning the mace)
Zomp: Hey!
(Zomp throws the mace but misses, so he stands up and punches Squidward)
Squidward: Ouch!
(Squidward tackles Zomp onto the stairway, but Zomp throws him off)
Zomp: You can’t beat me Squidward, not when I take control of this arsenal!
(The Initiator appears behind Zomp and choke holds him; Zomp throws his head back and hits him)
Initiator: JEEZ MAN! THAT F(dolphin noise) HURT!
Zomp: Yeah whatever. 
(Zomp flips the initiator over his shoulder into Squidward, and then prepares a sword)
Zomp: Well boys, it was nice knowing you, but it’s time for us to say goodbye.
Squidward: Wait!
Zomp: I’m good.
(Zomp swings his sword up behind him but something catches it from behind him)
Zomp: Huh?
(Zomp turns around and sees Satan behind him, completely filled with rage)
Satan: And just WHAT do you think YOU’RE doing?
Zomp: I- hi, uh, who are you?
Satan: You can’t tell? Prince of Darkness, Fallen Angel, Morning Star, BRINGER OF ALL THINGS EVIL?!
Zomp: uh……………
Satan: DIE!
(Zomp is engulfed in flames and is charred black)
Squidward: Holy- Wait, Satan, doesn’t that mean-
Satan: You’re next. I've been wanting to kill you since December of 2019!
Squidward: Yeah wow such a long time-
(Suddenly Squidward and the Initiator are sitting in the cult)
Squidward: what the hell?
Doctor Crayons: thank Neptune you're back! 
Squidward: how did we get here? We were just about to be killed by Satan!
Crayons: I invented (pulls out gray box with a big red button with many switches, knobs, and other buttons) this multi-dimensional Teleportation machine. I've been working on it for 2 years.
Squidward: 2 years? How come I've never heard of it then?
Crayons: because I worked on it in secret. But details don't matter. Did you defeat Zomp?
Squidward: uh, well, Satan kinda took care of him for us. But uh, he also tried to kill us, too. 
Noseward: you should probably just relax. It has been a long day. 
Squidward: yeah. Maybe i can sit on that lounge chair i got!
Doctor Crayons: Uh, I kinda… sold it so i could afford to finish this teleportation.
(Cut to a zoom-out shot of the lodge. Squidward screams "WHAT?!")
(The screen fades to Krabs sitting on a Krusty Krab barrel, pondering something, when SpongeBob enters the room)
SpongeBob: what's wrong, Krabs?
Krabs: I don't know, me boyo, I've just been thinking a lot about that strange dream I had a few days ago. It kept telling me about some destroyed timeline.
SpongeBob: you should probably get some rest, Krabs. It was only a dream.
Krabs: (sighs) I guess you're right, boyo. (Walks into his office and goes to bed)
(A dark red fog fills the room as the screen fades to inside Krabs' dreams, where Krabs is floating above The Lodge again)
Krabs: oh no, am I-
Satan: (suddenly appears next to Krabs as a black cloud with red eyes) Krabs, it's me again.
Krabs: leave me alone! What do you want from me?!
Satan: Krabs, you know what must be done, Krabs. Deep inside, you know about them, and their success. You know about their victory and fall. Their accomplishments. Their everything.
Krabs: who is them?! Are you talking about the cult?! What do you want from me?!?!
Satan: you know about "them." You know about the Krusty Komrades.
(Upon Satan saying that, Krabs gets many visions flashing about the Komrades' takeover, murder of Brother Squidward, and eventual fall. After all these visions, Krabs wakes up screaming)
Krabs: i know what must be done. (Krabs opens his desk, revealing his old Krusty Komrade uniform. The episode suddenly cuts to black as he picks it up)
Category:Cult of Squid
Category:Episodes written by Purple133
Category:Episodes written by Locknloaded23
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Category:2020 Episodes
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