The Boysmell Files

The following is a series of documents thought to be penned by ex-inquisitor Blaine Boysmell, former associate of the Holy See of Ishgard. These texts are preserved in their original state, without alterations or corrections of any kind.
This page will be updated periodically as new entries are made. Spoilers for all Final Fantasy XIV expansions may be present.
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=="PREFACE"==
Ishgard- or at least the Ishgard that I've come to know and almost love- is no more. That Lalafell samurai actually managed to cut down the Archbishop, and it won't be long before his little secret is made public knowledge...which I fear could easily lead to a series of very, very unfortunate events that, by way of the domino effect, will ultimately lead to the discovery of my numerous, allegedly "wrongful" executions. I don't imagine there will be much of a happy ending to that timeline.
Forgive the messiness of my handwriting, for I am in the process of fleeing the city as I write this, a musty leather cloak my only shield against the cold of the night (and the threat of being recognized by my so-called "peers," or worse- one of those frauds in the Heavens' Ward, if any of them still live.) I don't imagine it will be too difficult to slip away unnoticed in all of this chaos, nor am I an important or notable enough individual to be recognized, but as with most things I see no reason not to proceed with an abundance of caution. At least until I'm far, far away from any snow.
I would be lying if I said that all of this had me worried or upset. I've lost my home, my entire life has been uprooted, and yet...I am so very excited for the future. Moreso than I have ever been before. There is an endless supply of unsolved mysteries awaiting me beyond these walls.
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=="OW SUNBURN"==
Following the previous entry, I wound up using a chain of chocobo porters and making the trek all the way to Limsa Lominsa. Perhaps it was overkill, but I'm sure to be in the clear now- the sheer unfamiliarity of the feeling of the sun's mighty rays being proof of that. It is akin to putting my body through each of the seven hells at once, having spent over a decade adapting to the harsh climate of Coerthas, but I will survive.
Speaking of basking in the sun...I had a chance encounter with a most peculiar Au Ra mere moments after my arrival. He went by the moniker of "Ow Sunburn," which humorously rhymed with the faux name I was using at the time. Our time together was short, but memorable- I happened to forgo pants that evening (elaboration as to why seems unnecessary) and he took notice, suggesting a keen eye. A sixth, seventh, or even ninth sense is also possible, but he seemed a fairly ordinary Au Ra, so I don't think it likely.
Ow Sunburn vanished shortly after our meeting, and despite exchanging contact information, I hadn't heard for them in quite some time. I recently ran into them again, although our time together was once again quite brief. This is where I will end this entry for now.
=="YOLO SWAGGINGWAY"==
In Gridania, I happened to bump into a fellow Viera who carried himself in a way that I would describe as "solemn," though I didn't learn nearly enough to determine whether or not my assessment had even a shred of accuracy, so take it with a grain of salt.
He went by the name of Yolo Swaggingway, and from a glance it was clear that he was a samurai (or at least was trying to look like one.) I wasn't able to determine whether or not he was actually of Doman descent, as I was met with an agitated glare almost immediately after introducing myself.
Maybe he's just a prick, or maybe he was put off by my unorthodox attire. In fact, I'm almost certain the latter is true. Almost certain. But there is a chance that he knows of my past sins to some extent, and frankly, he isn't the sort of puzzle I'm willing to give up my life for. Not without first naming a successor, which in and of itself has an astronomically low chance of coming to pass.
I'll keep an eye on him for now, but only from a distance- the man's not interesting enough for me to give up my life for the sake of researching him.
(Photo needed - the recluse got away before I could take one.)
=="FUMIMI FUMI"==
Inconceivable. That is all I can say.
I met her, today. The one to blame for my...sudden displacement. Fumimi Fumi, the fabled Warrior of Light. It appears that we'll be roommates for a while, if you can believe that.
As for the little samurai herself? She's...braindead. Actually, literally braindead. I don't understand...
I took a peek at her personal files- as she lacks even the basic human capacity to perceive that their privacy is being invaded- and learned that she was a victim of something known as the "Red Pepper Parasites." Specifically, she was a host to RP-09, codename "Squirrel Stapler," which has since been removed from her head.
I also learned that the Scions of the Seventh Dawn have cited the brutal assault of Zenos yae Galvus as the reason for Fumimi's sorry state. Having learned what I've learned, I would propose an alternate theory...
Her intelligence, her competence, her ability to think about anything beyond eating bugs and making funny sounds...perhaps she never had it. Perhaps Fumimi was always this distant, crude shell of a person.
Perhaps the little conjurer who sailed to Eorzea, who sought knowledge of magic rather than tasty caterpillars, was Squirrel Stapler...and by removing the "parasite," she is far, far worse off.
Were it not for her popularity across Eorzea, I'd endeavour to open up that skull of hers and poke around at what's left...but that can wait. RP-09 is back, now, you see. Resurrected by another parasite- yes, a parasite within a parasite, isn't it incredible? This one is RP-03, or "HAMAZAKI." It already killed the fish girl's boss, Evil Shadow Skull, and destroyed the organization known as ORCA. Whatever this thing is, it knows how to make an entrance.
I think I'll just sit back and watch how things play out, for now. Things are plenty interesting without my interference; best not to risk ruining such an enlightening performance.
== "KIKO RYDER" ==
I'm torn with this woman. She's cute with a nice smile, which would be enough to put lesser minds at ease, but I'm cute with a nice smile, and I know what I am. But who or what is she?
Probably exactly who she seems. Probably nobody special. But there's this feeling I get when she's near...not a good one, but I can't say for certain it's bad, either. But there is something off about this girl. That, or I'm really starting to lose it. I may need to stop staying up so late scribbling in this little book. It's not as if it'll grace a set of eyes beyond my own, after all...
Conclusion for the time being is to leave her be. I admit to having some level of respect for her, though. I've met plenty of people who've made a living of challenging this star's unwritten "laws," alchemists and mages and even the occasional "scientist," but never before have they left me so conflicted...
== "ROLLY MIZUKI" ==
She appeared next to me, today. On a bench facing the amphitheatre in New Gridania. I felt a chill immediately, and turned to my side...and there she was. I think she was smiling. Smirking, maybe. I don't know why.
The stench of blood clung to her soul, threatening to drown me if I didn't attempt to swim to the surface with a well-timed platitude. I don't know if anything I said actually got through to her. She just kept staring. Laughing.
Without thinking, I sent her a letter asking who what she is. Her answer? A "passing reaper of souls." Were it anyone else I'd scoff at the attempt to scare me, but the thing is, I am scared.
How long has it been since I've felt this fear? I cannot tell you how excited I am to have it back. I was beginning to think there was nothing of interest to be found in Eorzea, but seven hells I could not have been more wrong.
Knowing myself as I do, I'm going to predict that this will be the one to kill me, sooner or later. I will investigate this individual to an unnecessary extent, and end up breaking a tripwire somewhere along the way.
I don't think I mind, so long as I'm able to record something in here first. If some morsel of knowledge survives...something new...then I've served my purpose, haven't I? It'll be good, too, I bet. The best secrets are always hiding in the most dangerous and/or damaged minds.
...I guess I would know that better than anyone.
== "FREYJA JARNVIDJES" ==
Some Viera woman I ended up ferrying around in the so-called "official party whale" of the Frenzy Fuzzies- that being the name these people use to refer to themselves. What's the term again? I'll add it here later if I remember. "Free Company" is the term I was looking for.
I didn't observe anything particularly noteworthy in the short time we spent together. She's a bit quiet, but otherwise demonstrated no abnormal patterns of behaviour or anything of the sort.
What led me to make this entry was the peculiar end of our endeavours together- the woman ended up following me around Ul'dah for miles, pleading for further transportation. I attempted to gauge how malleable her will was, even going as far as to ask her to "grovel" (which was painful, believe me.)
Impressively, she did not budge, but the mere fact that I had her under my thumb- or under my nail, at the very least- means she is worth remembering. She's the closest thing I have to a "pawn" at this point in time, for lack of a better word. (And I did try to think of one- I despise chess analogies, and apologize for subjecting you to one.)
== "FREYJA JARNVIDJES, II"==
How do I even begin to describe what that woman did to me today?
I was at our free company home in the Empyreum, using an impromptu hot tub party as an excuse to partake in a dipping-related activity that I find refreshing, and...
Well, just take a look. To think that I'd not only receive such an act right in front of friends, but get photographic evidence of it, too...it baffles the mind.
I'm not entirely sure what commentary to add to this, aside from a compliment to her for her...technique. God knows I'm no stranger to living a shameless lifestyle, so I haven't any room to judge. I suppose I'll just settle for...
Thanks?
== "KIKO RYDER, II" ==
I've come to understand this one a bit more. We've been spending a good deal of time together, dealing with monster infestations in the local dungeons. (Which are rarely fun, by the way. A far cry from the masterful dungeons they built back in Ishgard.)
I was wrong to doubt my instincts before- this girl is anything but normal. She's the only other person I've ever met who seems to truly grasp and enjoy the male aroma. It's about damned time...
Strangely, though, the more I learn of her quirks and suspicious behaviour, the more at ease I feel. I don't know if I'm the sort of person who has "friends," but knowing that I am among a kindred spirit- or at the very least, a fellow keeper of many, many secrets- puts me at ease. Is it because we're on a level playing field?
She seems to be taking a great deal of notes on each and every one of us. I'm not sure if she's looking for something specific, or if it's some sort of neurotic behaviour, but it's something I can relate to nonetheless. I hope she was able to glean something from her time with me, even if it was something as simple as learning that she despises me.
I don't think she does, though. I certainly don't despise her. It beats running Aurum Vale alone. Fuck that...
I hope she sticks around.
== "ROLLY MIZUKI, II" ==
This bloody cat...
Our paths have diverged, to make a long story short. I'm not entirely sure what she's up to at this point in time, but she's far away, and far removed from me. Which is a good thing. However much I might've been able to learn from her, she's made it exceedingly clear that she is an IMMEDIATE threat to my life.
And so I must ask- why in the names of the Twelve have I been feeling so melancholy since she left? I know I'm a very twisted sort of person with no shortage of mental afflictions, but never have I been so godsdamned frustrated with myself.
At the risk of sounding like a conceited brat, I theorize that I may have been subconsciously looking for someone who actually challenged my existence for quite some time. When the threat of Rolly lurking around the corner was still very real, my life was completely devoid of boredom.
What I miss is the thrill of hunting, of being hunted...and of never truly knowing what will happen when next we meet. She has lashed out in an act of jealousy on my behalf (that Viera girl from before again,) but she has also quite literally tried to end my life.
I shouldn't miss her. But I'm pretty sure I do. Bloody hell...
== "THE DREAM" ==
It's been a few days since my last entry. I've kept a low profile, so there isn't much to report. I had a bizarre dream the other night, though, and I've felt a strange compulsion to write about it ever since.
I was taking a stroll through the Empyreum after finishing work on our house's new earthquake shelter, when the ground beneath my feet suddenly gave way. Below the stone tiles there was nothing- an endless void of blackness that swallowed me whole. It felt like I was falling for days. There was no end to it.
Eventually, I began to hear all kinds of voices around me. I can still remember the things they were saying, but I haven't the slightest clue what any of them mean. I'll record them here just to quiet my mind, but I doubt it's worth a second thought.
 "...JUST GOT JUNIOR..."
 "...ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER D..."
 "...NAME IS MISTER FISH..."
 "...ORANGE BRICK KING..."
The last voice I heard was my own. I'm sure of it. It was something I said when I first met Ow Sunburn.
 "IS IT NOT RAINING?"
After that, I woke up covered in sweat, filled with terror. Stupid. I don't understand why my mind would conjure up such meaningless drivel, or why it won't let me stop thinking about it. I am filled with an unfamiliar nausea these days, and it's as if I've suddenly become aware of some terrible truth- only I don't remember what that truth is.
More sleep. I just need more sleep.
I hope I don't have that dream again.
=="FURTHER DREAMS" ==
My dreams have only gotten stranger since the last. I've seen several cheesy dragon sidekicks at this point. I've seen multiple gorillas. I've even seen what appeared to be a giant cat's face, peering down at me from the sky.
Most peculiar was a dream from last night, about that woman...Rolly Mizuki. We...fought. It's hard to imagine that I'd be dumb enough to instigate in her presence, so I have to assume she herself issued the challenge...
That is, assuming it wasn't a dream at all. Is it possible that what I'm seeing at night are visions of other worlds? If so, last night's vision ended before I could see the outcome. I don't imagine it went well for me...I'd need a lot of luck to survive a battle like that.
If there are really other "me"s out there, entire alternate dimensions...then which one am I in? Who am I, exactly?
I don't want to be just another member of the flock. I have to make myself stand out. I need something...unique.
Perhaps a simple name change will do...
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FIN.
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