Heizou Talks Fraud

Heizou Talks Fraud is a quest in .
==Steps==
# Go to the Grand Narukami Shrine
# Talk to Kano Nana
# Look for the next performer in the city
# Look for Itto near Hanamizaka
# Talk to Itto
# Wait until the following day (20:00–24:00)
# Go to the event venue
==Dialogue==
===The Shrewd Lady of the Grand Narukami Shrine===
;(Go to the Grand Narukami Shrine)
: Paimon: Ooh! If we're going to the Grand Narukami Shrine, are you planning to recruit Miko for your play? She'd be really good at acting!
: Shikanoin Heizou: Hehe, well I guess you'll have to wait and see.
;(Talk to Kano Nana)
: Kano Nana: Heizou, what are you doing here, you little brat? Oh, and the Traveler, too. So I assume you're here to see Lady Yae?
: I honestly don't know who we're here to see.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Hehe, hey c'mon cuz, maybe I'm just here to see you.
: Kano Nana: Hmph, don't play your little games with me. If the Traveler isn't looking for Lady Yae, then you must be here looking for Etsu, right?
: Shikanoin Heizou: You still know me best, cuz.
: Etsu?
: Kano Nana: Please wait here, I'll go get her.
: Paimon: Ah, so we're not here to see Miko... bummer.
: Shikanoin Heizou: I'm flattered, but even if I wanted to, do you really think I could convince Lady Yae to join a little event like mine?
: Paimon: Get to ask her next time, can do it!
:
: Etsu: Well hello, Detective Heizou. It's been so long since you last came to see me. You know, it's cruel to keep a girl waiting.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Hey, community service isn't all bad, is it? I'm sure it's better than prison, at least.
: Prison?
: Etsu: That's right. I was careless and found myself caught up in a case of fraud. Detective Heizou arrested me and I was sentenced to prison.
: Shikanoin Heizou: For the record, I'm not the one who technically arrested you.
: Etsu: Oh, come now, Detective Heizou. Don't pretend like you don't remember the part you played. You have a cold heart, Detective... colder than an icicle in the middle of winter.
: Etsu: How would those Doushin have nabbed me if you hadn't provided evidence of my involvement and whereabouts, hmm? They were so bland and functional... not like you, Detective. When you took me down, you knew exactly what you were doing.
: Paimon: So uh, how did you end up here at the shrine?
: Etsu: I'm here doing community service, of course. After all the information Detective Heizou managed to squeeze out of me, he promised to help secure a reduced sentence from the court.
: Etsu: But in the end, they hardly reduced my sentence at all. Even after serving a lengthy prison term, I am still required to perform community service. I have to spend the entire day sweeping leaves or wiping floors. Just look at what the work has done to my soft and delicate hands... *sigh*
: Etsu: So, don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth.
: Shikanoin Heizou: I helped you get community service because you were credited with assisting in the investigation. But, if you find it too exhausting, I can always send you back to prison again, if you want...
: Etsu: Oh c'mon Detective Heizou, now you're just toying with me.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Don't give me that. Listen, I'd like to invite you to the anti-fraud event I mentioned last time. It's tomorrow night and you'll be a VIP guest. Let's see, appearing at the event would be equivalent to... what? Five days of community service? How does that sound?
: Etsu: Only five days? That's hardly anything.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Five days not enough? Okay, how about four days?
: Etsu: Hey, that's a day less than what you just promised me, Detective Heizou...
: Shikanoin Heizou: Oh, my mistake. Three days.
: Etsu: Ugh, alright! I'll go! Just stop playing with my heart.
: Etsu: And may I ask, will they also be coming as a guest tomorrow night?
: Ahem, hi, I'm .
: Etsu: No wonder you're treating me so coldly today, Detective Heizou. Looks like you've found someone else to keep you company. And what a charmer they are... I get what you see in them, I mean, you'd have to be blind not to.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Etsu, now's not the time. If I hear you talking like that to my friend again, I'll make your community service even more unpleasant than your time in prison.
: Etsu: Oh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea they were your friend, really.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Well, now you do. Just be sure you're ready tomorrow. I'll send you the location, time of the event, and the script, so don't be late.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Alright, , on to our next candidate. He should be in town right about now.
;(Talk to Etsu again)
: Etsu: I apologize for earlier, I don't know what came over me.
: Etsu: Oh, Detective Heizou? He can't stand people like me, I'm sure of it.
: Etsu: Although he sounds polite and friendly, I can tell that he treats inmates convicted of fraud differently... He's really got something against us.
: Etsu: Do you think he may have been defrauded himself before? Impossible, who could ever be cunning enough to fool Detective Heizou like that, hmm?
;(Talk to Kano Nana again)
: Kano Nana: Hello there, Traveler. I must apologize for my cousin — he must have been causing you all kinds of trouble? He's always been quite a handful... but I promise he doesn't mean any harm.
: Kano Nana: If he goes too far, please by all means put him in his place. And if he dares protest, just tell him he either does as he's told or he'll have me to answer to.
===The Cunning One of Inazuma===
;(Look for the next performer in the city)
: Shikanoin Heizou: Mr. Iba, how are you doing?
: Iba: Oh, well if it isn't Heizou! Thanks to you, I haven't kicked the bucket yet.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Well, it's good to see you're alive... and well.
: Iba: Alright, out with it, I know you wouldn't come see me for nothin'.
: Shikanoin Heizou: I see you're still sharp as ever, Mr. Iba. Look, have you had a chance to think about that anti-fraud event I mentioned to you last time?
: Iba: You can forget it. I'm pushing seventy-one this year! You think I want to make a fool of myself?
: Shikanoin Heizou: Are you sure? You know, this event is very well-funded. And now that the Sakoku Decree has been repealed, I heard that your granddaughter Kazumi wants to take the chance to travel.
: Shikanoin Heizou: If you participate, she can go without worrying about money at all.
: Iba: Huh? H—How did you know? Sure, I paid a hefty fine at the time, but I can still afford her travels.
: A hefty fine?
: Iba: You're Heizou's colleague, aren't you? How haven't you heard about this?
: Shikanoin Heizou: Well, it just so happens that Mr. Iba was a well-known figure in Inazuma back in the day. His Iba Trading Guild was even bigger than the current International Trade Association.
: Iba: Don't bring it up again. If I hadn't been misled by that foreign merchant, I never would have become a commercial scammer.
: Iba: Fortunately, young Heizou here has some respect for the elderly and applied for a probationary sentence. Otherwise, I don't think I would have ever seen the light of day again.
: Paimon: Well, if Heizou was so good to you, then you should help him out too, hehe.
: Iba: Hah, he's not as innocent as he looks, you know. He just knows it's easier to get information if we're chatting outside. Ask him if you don't believe me.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Those are some pretty harsh words, Mr. Iba.
: Iba: Anyway, I can't help you with that, uh... event or whatever you call it.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Argh, man alive, what should I do now? I already told Kazumi that you'd show up and caution everybody about avoiding fraud!
: Shikanoin Heizou: I'm sure it'd be beneficial for everyone, and Kazumi even agreed to come and listen! How can I explain to her that you were too worried about being embarrassed?
: Shikanoin Heizou: She might even think that you feel no remorse at all!
: Iba: You... you imbecile! You should've told me about this first.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Come on now, how could I have known that you'd refuse to participate?
: Iba: Why you... Ugh, you sure are a crafty one, just like your father!
: Shikanoin Heizou: So, you'll join us?
: Iba: What choice do I have! Hmph, using my granddaughter to force me into some event... People these days!
: Shikanoin Heizou: Hehe, the world needs you to step up. I will send the time and place of the event, as well as the script, so don't forget to prepare.
: Iba: Alright, alright, very well.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Well then, now we only need to find the last person to play the role of the fooled victim.
: Shikanoin Heizou: We don't want someone too clever for this role, otherwise, they'd see right through the ruse and the drama would come to a grinding halt.
: Paimon: Hmm... not too clever... Oh! Paimon knows the perfect candidate!
: Arataki "Numero Uno" Itto!
: Shikanoin Heizou: Oh yeah, I know that guy. I've seen him in the Police Station a handful of times, though I've never actually spoken to him before... Do you know where we can find him?
: Paimon: Well, we did just see a file called "The Prince of Mischief in Hanamizaka"... that's gotta be Itto! He must be in Hanamizaka.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Alright then. To Hanamizaka we go.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Oh, but knowing his reputation, I'll need to bring a little somethin' along just to guarantee we can secure his participation. You go ahead, I'll catch up.
;(Talk to Iba again)
: Iba: Getting on the wrong side of Heizou really was a mistake...
: Iba: Eh? You two want to know what happened? There's not much to it, really.
: Iba: As soon as I heard that Heizou was on the case, I knew it was over. I took the easy way out and confessed to everything. After all, what else can you do when a "Cyclone" is heading your way?
: "Cyclone"?
: Iba: Heizou's nickname. It's what all the prisoners call him, haven't you heard it before?
: Iba: There's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide... For criminals, Heizou is a force of nature nobody can contend with.
: Iba: Alas, if only I'd known...
==="The Prince of Mischief in Hanamizaka"===
;(Look for Itto near Hanamizaka)
: Arataki Itto: How about that, kiddo? My little Prince of Mischief's got some moves, huh!
: Arataki Itto: Guess that means your Onikabuto... is now my Onikabuto! Hahahahaha!
: Paimon: Itto! What are you up to?
: Arataki Itto: Huh? Paimon, and my compadre! This is a nice surprise, what brings you out this way?
: We heard you were bullying kids.
: Arataki Itto: What? N—No it's not... it's nothing. They let me look after their Onikabuto, just for a little while, for safekeeping. And then y'know, once they've gotten stronger, they can come and take 'em right back!
: Yuugo: *sob* You win some... you lose some... *sob*
: Arataki Itto: That's right, my little guy! Good attitude! Alright, see you 'round, okay, yeah, bye!
: Paimon: There's just no helping this guy.
: Actually, we'd like to invite you to an anti-fraud event tomorrow night.
: Arataki Itto: Oh? An anti-fraud event? I'll level with you, compadre — I have no idea what that is, but if you want me there, I can think of nowhere I'd rather be...
: Arataki Itto: ...Oh, except that there's this Onikabuto Battle Royale tomorrow night I was planning on going to... Yeah, it's gonna be huge. No-holds-barred, winner takes home all the Onikabuto.
: Arataki Itto: And as you can see, my Prince of Mischief has a pretty good chance of winning this thing, so... argh, if it was any other day, you know...
: Shikanoin Heizou: Do you think all of those Onikabuto together would be a match for my one? Here's a picture, let me know what you think.
: Arataki Itto: Huh!? Wha...!? Oh-ho...!!!
: Arataki Itto: What is this? How'd it get so big? What are you feeding this thing? Look at those beautiful demon-stripes... those razor-sharp horns... Is this the fabled Emperor Onikabuto?
: Shikanoin Heizou: This is a small token we provide for VIPs. If you're willing to attend, then one of these will be yours at the end of the event.
: Arataki Itto: Whoa...!? Okay, I'm there! Hahaha!
: Arataki Itto: Wait a sec... you look familiar, who are you, anyway?
: Arataki Itto: And furthermore, do Onikabuto really come in this size? You're not trying to con me, are you?
: Arataki Itto: Because the more I think about it... the more I'm inclined to think that... you're a contestant in tomorrow night's Onikabuto Battle Royale!!!
: Arataki Itto: You lost to me in a previous beetle-battle, and now you're trying to get the reigning champion out of the way. Without Prince of Mischief to contend with, you'll be free to sweep in and take all the Onikabuto!
: Arataki Itto: Am I right, or am I right? Nice try, you little punk! Ten outta ten for the pitch, but you picked the wrooong victim!
: Shikanoin Heizou: Okay, okay... Then again, consider this: If your "Prince of Mischief" isn't competing, what's the point of me taking part? After all, all I'd stand to win is a bunch of puny little larvae, no?
: Arataki Itto: Well... Huh, you've stumped me there... Yep, you're completely right! I can't believe I didn't think of that, hahahahaha!
: Arataki Itto: Sorry my bro, my main man, my buddy... I had you all wrong.
: Shikanoin Heizou: So... you're sure this guy's our best choice?
: Paimon: Yeah! See, he was already wondering if you were trying to con him...
: Shikanoin Heizou: Then allow me to introduce myself. I'm Shikanoin Heizou, I've seen you around a few times before at the Police Station.
: Arataki Itto: Huh? Oh, yeah! I remember now, no wonder you looked so familiar. You were that guy who was in for stealing other people's Onikabuto, right?
: Arataki Itto: Listen, Heizou, hombre, did you apologize to them? You can lose like a man, you can win like a man, but you can never steal like a man! And that's a little Itto nugget.
: Paimon: Itto! He works there, for crying out loud! He's not one of your fellow inmates!
: Arataki Itto: What!? Oh, geez, what's wrong with me, how could I forget... of course I know you. I remember you now, for real this time.
: Arataki Itto: You're the guy who sells Lavender Melons at the station, aren't you!?
: Paimon: A Lavender Melon seller? At the Police Station? Don't be ridiculous!
: Arataki Itto: I know what I saw, okay. Several times now, I've been sitting there, starving in jail, when this guy comes and slips me a few Lavender Melons on the sly. Didn't even want payment. Solid guy!
: Shikanoin Heizou: Yeah, that was me, but it was only because your assistant, Kuki Shinobu, asked me to look out for you...
: Arataki Itto: What? So Shinobu was behind it... Wait, so hombre, you're... not a Lavender Melon seller?
: Shikanoin Heizou: Look, we're getting hung up on all the wrong details here. The important detail right now is that I am the host of tomorrow night's event.
: Shikanoin Heizou: And if you show up, the Onikabuto in the picture is yours. Deal?
: Arataki Itto: Deal! Done! But uh... could I get another look at that picture first? Just a little peeksy...
: Shikanoin Heizou: You'll have all the time in the world to inspect the real article once the event's over.
: Arataki Itto: ...Okay, sure! I can wait. So, hombre, is there anything I need to do to prepare?
: Arataki Itto: 'Cause if I'm doing this, I'm bringing my A-game, alright! No half-measures here! I'm gonna do this right!
: Paimon: He sure picks his moments to start acting responsibly...
: Shikanoin Heizou: Okay, so, for this event, you, my uh... bro, will be participating in a short anti-fraud play along with two other VIP attendees.
: Shikanoin Heizou: The main thing we ask is that you just relax, try not to be nervous. I have the script right here, if you want to take a—
: Arataki Itto: Script? Hahahaha! Sounds like someone's never seen the Arataki Gang perform before, huh?
: Arataki Itto: Don't you worry, hombre, the Arataki Gang is a little beyond the need for scripts! You'll see, this Onikabuto will be well worth your investment.
: Shikanoin Heizou: You don't need a script? Wow, well, now I'm excited. See you there tomorrow night.
: Arataki Itto: You bet, I'll be there! I'm gonna tell the gang about this, too, they'll all be there to support us.
===The Curtain Rises===
;(Wait until the following day (20:00–24:00))
;(Go to the event venue)
: Shikanoin Heizou: It's almost time, everyone ready? Alright, then let's get this show started.
: Etsu: Oh, I can't wait, Mr. Heizou.
: Iba: Let's get going, Heizou.
: Arataki Itto: Emperor Onikabuto, hang in there, Your Highness, I'm coming for ya!
: Shikanoin Heizou: It takes years to make a fortune, but only a moment to lose it all to a scam artist! Welcome to the first "Heizou Talks Fraud," I am your eponymous host, Heizou.
:Audience: *applause*
: Shikanoin Heizou: Okay! I'm delighted to have you all here today to explore the topic of fraud.
: Shikanoin Heizou: To help everyone avoid becoming the victim of scam artists themselves, we thought we'd invite several VIPs with a lot of experience in this area to perform a little play with an anti-fraud message.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Please join me in welcoming to the stage...
: Shikanoin Heizou: Miss Etsu!
: Shikanoin Heizou: Mr. Iba!
: Shikanoin Heizou: And the venerable gentleman, Mr. Arataki Itto!
: Shikanoin Heizou: Without further ado, let the show begin!
:
: Shikanoin Heizou: *clears throat* ...It was just another bright, sunny day when a distressed Miss Etsu brought her elderly grandpa, Iba, into the Police Station to report a crime. There, they were greeted by a kindly Doushin, surname Arataki.
: Etsu: Doushin Arataki, please help us! My poor grandpa has been defrauded!
: Arataki Itto: Doushin... Arataki? You talking to me?
: Shikanoin Heizou: Ahem... Perhaps for want of familiarity with the script, a confused look creeps over Doushin Arataki's face, and he asks himself that age-old question: "Who am I?"
: Etsu: Yes, you are Doushin Arataki! You're Doushin Arataki!
: Arataki Itto: Oh, so I'm... in the play, right! Got it, I'm a Doushin, of course! Okay, I got this.
: Arataki Itto: *clears throat*... Ma'am, can you tell who it was that defrauded your grandfather? Rest assured, the Tenryou Commission and I are here to bring them to justice.
: Etsu: I don't know, it was too late when I found out. They took all of my grandpa's money, and all they left was this note.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Doushin Arataki frowns as he realizes: This is more complicated than he thought. He takes the note in his hand and reads it out loud...
: Arataki Itto: "I am the Raiden Shogun. I am currently being held hostage by the Crux Fleet and urgently need 200,000 Mora to secure my release. Please place the ransom Mora on the north coast of the deserted island. When all of this is over, I will promote you to General of the Tenryou Commission."
: Iba: It's the Almighty Shogun! Ahem... We cannot let Her Excellency come to harm...
: Arataki Itto: Uhhh... But this is a scam, surely! 200,000 Mora? Kinda low-balling it for the Electro Archon, don'tcha think? Shouldn't it be, like, 300-thou at the very least?
: Etsu: Well I sure thought so, but grandpa's already parted with the money!
: Arataki Itto: Well, then we gotta get it back! Is there still time?
: Etsu: Before I could go out to look for it, grandpa received another note...
: Shikanoin Heizou: Doushin Arataki takes the note and reads it out loud...
: Arataki Itto: I am Miss Hina. I am currently raising funds to publish a photo book. I urgently need 300,000 Mora for publishing fees. In return for your support, you will receive a limited-edition signed photograph.
: Iba: It's Miss Hina! Ahem... We can't leave poor Miss Hina in a tight spot...
: Arataki Itto: You're right, Gramps! Is 300,000 Mora enough? I can spare some too if we need to make up the difference — maybe I can get a photo of Miss Hina, too! I mean, uh... We gotta help Miss Hina out here!
: Etsu: It's a scam, Doushin Arataki! Snap out of it!
: Arataki Itto: Oh, right, yeah, no, yeah... 'Cause if Miss Hina needed funds, she'd come to me first, you know, as her number-one fan. Why would she go asking this old geezer for help?
: Arataki Itto: These con artists don't know who they're up against! Hmph...
: Etsu: Well, anyway, not long after grandpa handed over the money, he received yet another note.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Doushin Arataki grabs the note and reads it aloud...
: Arataki Itto: "I am Arataki Itto. I was recently framed for a crime I totally did not commit, and now I'm stuck here in prison. I am in urgent need of 500,000 Mora as bail. In return for your help getting me out, I will bring the whole gang over to thank you personally at your house."
: Iba: Must be a scammer, surely? Ahem... I've never heard of this person, and they're asking me for 500,000 Mora!
: Arataki Itto: Wait a minute — this is a scam! I'M Arataki Itto!
: Etsu: Uhh... you are? But your name tag says...
: Shikanoin Heizou: Doushin Arataki follows Miss Etsu's gaze to the name tag emblazoned on his chest, which reads: "Arataki Shmeetoe!"
: Arataki Itto: What kind of wack-job script is this? Am I me or ain't I!?
: Etsu: So... the bail money...
: Arataki Itto: Nope! No way, not a chance! Arataki Itto would never ask innocent people for Mora in order to post bail... Whoever wrote this is a liar and a cheat! And we gotta get out there and get this guy off our streets...
: Shikanoin Heizou: But just as Doushin Arataki is being overcome with righteous indignation, the sound of Miss Etsu's weeping brings his attention back to her.
: Etsu: *crying*...
: Arataki Itto: Miss Etsu, don't you worry! We're gonna catch the people who did this!
: Etsu: Even if you do catch them, how are we ever going to get grandpa's money back? Oh, whatever are we going to do about all those Onikabuto?
: Arataki Itto: Onikabuto? Wait, wh—what was that about the, uh, Onikabuto?
: Etsu: Oh, well... Grandpa is a major Onikabuto breeder in our village. His are the biggest and strongest Onikabuto around, people come from far and wide to buy from him...
: Etsu: We recently received an order that was too big for our current capacity. We were planning to expand grandpa's facilities, but then we were swindled out of all our money...
: Etsu: *crying*... Right after we'd signed the contract, too! If we don't deliver these Onikabuto on time, grandpa will have to pay huge damages... Oh, what are we going to do?
: Arataki Itto: Man, what's that saying... it never rains but it snowballs, it's exactly what we're dealing with!
: Iba: Etsu, my dear, don't worry! I'll sell the house if I have to! We'll find a way through...
: Etsu: But then where will we stay? *crying*...
: Etsu: Please, help us, Doushin Arataki! All we need is the 500,000 Mora that was taken from us... can you help us raise it? Or... or maybe you could lend it to us!
: Etsu: Grandpa's business is going very well, we just need help getting over this hurdle! Doushin Arataki, please, if you lend us the money, I'm sure I can make it up to you by—
: Arataki Itto: I won't hear of it! As a public servant, I would never dream of taking advantage of a person in need!
: Etsu: I was going to say... by giving you part ownership of the Onikabuto farm!
: Arataki Itto: Oh, so that's what you were... Meh, not as enticing an offer as I was, uh... Wait, Onikabuto farm? How many Onikabuto did you say you have?
: Arataki Itto: Cause if it's more than, say, ten...
: Iba: Ten thousand!
: Arataki Itto: What? 10,000!? That's more Onikabuto than I've seen in my whole life!
: Etsu: Please help us! As long as we get through this, those 10,000 Onikabuto are yours to keep!
: Arataki Itto: Ten thousand Onikabuto... Hey, if I looked after them, they'd have little baby Onikabuto, and then the little baby Onikabuto would grow up and have little baby Onikabuto of their own...
: Shikanoin Heizou: Doushin Arataki is struck by a sudden wave of pure elation! His face breaks into a big, beaming smile! But what does he do next?
: Arataki Itto: Miss Etsu, don't you worry! I'm gonna help you out!
: Arataki Itto: But 10,000 is too many. I can only accept 1,000... no, what am I saying! 500 Onikabuto!
: Arataki Itto: As a Doushin of the Tenryou Commission, it is my duty to serve! How could I abuse my position to take advantage of you?
: Etsu: That's great news, Master Arataki! What a wonderful person you are! So strong, and handsome, and committed to doing the right thing... It's rare to find these days.
: Arataki Itto: Hahahahaha! Yep, that's me! Alright, there's just one final question that needs answering.
: Etsu: What question is that?
: Arataki Itto: The question is... where's my Mora?
: Arataki Itto: Yo, Heizou, my hombre, question for ya! What's my character's salary in the script? Also, any inheritance or other lump sums I should know about? Basically — can I afford this 500,000 Mora? I mean, Schmeetoe. I can afford it! I mean can Schmeetoe-
: Shikanoin Heizou: Ahem... Faced with a damsel in distress, Doushin Arataki fights to remain level-headed, and asks that other age-old question: "Where's my Mora?"
: Shikanoin Heizou: Suddenly, he feels a strange compulsion to slide his hand into his pocket where, it turns out, a bank check has been quietly nestled all along. He draws the check out and inspects it — today is payday, and this is his salary. The amount? 500,000 Mora!
: Arataki Itto: Whoa! Check it out! A check for 500,000 Mora! Where'd you come from, buddy!
: Arataki Itto: Miss Etsu, get this — turns out I just got paid 500,000 Mora today! Here's your Mora, hahahahaha...
: Etsu: Thank you so much! Uh... Master Arataki, what's wrong?
: Shikanoin Heizou: Doushin Arataki stretches out his hand — but wait! Just as he is about to hand over the check to Miss Etsu, he hesitates, tightly pinching one end of the check betwixt his two fingers!
: Shikanoin Heizou: All he needs to do now is release the check, and it will fall into Miss Etsu's eager hands... but let go of the check he does not!
: Etsu: Master Arataki, let go...
: Arataki Itto: Wait, wait... something's not right...
: Shikanoin Heizou: Doushin Arataki is having second thoughts! Has something caught his attention? Has it aroused his suspicion? Has he finally realized the truth!?
: Arataki Itto: Um, so... This is an anti-fraud show, right?
: Etsu: Huh...?
: Iba: Ahem...
: Shikanoin Heizou: A spark of intuition bursts to life in Doushin Arataki's mind!
: Arataki Itto: Since this is an anti-fraud event, I have a question...
: Shikanoin Heizou: Is he about to ask the most critical question of all?
: Arataki Itto: I gotta ask...
: Shikanoin Heizou: This is it! Here it comes!
: Paimon: Ohh!
: Arataki Itto: Does a Doushin really get paid this much?
: Arataki Itto: 500,000 Mora... enough to get an Electro Archon out from a hostage situation, then go pay for Miss Hina's publishing costs... You tellin' me the average Doushin can do all that on one pay packet?
: Arataki Itto: I dunno... Seems pretty fishy to me... Hey, compadre! What do you think, am I being scammed here?
: Paimon: Heizou! Itto's cheating! He asked for help!
: Shikanoin Heizou: As the spark of intuition flickers and threatens to fade, Doushin Arataki clutches around in desperation, hoping to find a source of fuel to feed the flames of enlightenment!
: Shikanoin Heizou: , are you going to help this poor man out of his predicament?
: Itto, keep an eye out for Etsu and Iba!
:;(Proceed to Ending: Free Onikabuto Lunch)
: Itto, just follow your heart!
:;(Proceed to Ending: The Three Undeceivables)
====Ending: Free Onikabuto Lunch====
: Arataki Itto: Aha! Etsu and Iba... So that's what's goin' on here!
: Arataki Itto: You two are the scam artists! You put on this damsel-in-distress and elderly grandpa act to win my sympathy, then used a few cheap tricks to get my attention!
: Arataki Itto: Then, you dangled the bait in front of me, waiting for me to bite... Darn it... I knew it! Who in their right mind would give away Onikabuto for free? Let alone 10,000 of 'em!
: Arataki Itto: It's too good to be true, and that's how I know you're the scam artists!
: Arataki Itto: You got a lotta nerve trying to scam a Doushin! You're coming with me, and you'll give a full confession if you know what's good for you!
: Shikanoin Heizou: Finally, with the help of his intuition... and a little guidance from beyond the void, Doushin Arataki successfully avoided being defrauded.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Not only that, but he asked a critical question: "Who in their right mind would give away Onikabuto for free?"
: Shikanoin Heizou: I ask you all, is there such a thing as free Onikabuto? Free Mora? Or... does nothing in life come for free?
: Shikanoin Heizou: Alright, remember, it takes years to make a fortune, but only a moment to lose it all to a scam artist! Thank you once again for watching "Heizou Talks Fraud"!
: Shikanoin Heizou: Stay alert, everybody — and see you again next time!
:Audience: *applause*
:
: Arataki Itto: So? How was my acting? I think I did just fine without a script! Those two would-be-scam-artists need to up their game if they wanna have a chance of taking me down!
: Paimon: Uh, hello! Without that hint from , you would have handed that cash away without a second thought!
: Arataki Itto: Right, yeah, I should thank for the timely hint.
: Arataki Itto: But I pretty much knew off the bat that something fishy was about to go down, so uhh... You know, it was just a matter of time before I saw right through their scam. Hahahahaha!
: Arataki Itto: Seriously, oldest trick in the book, who's gonna fall for that?
: Shikanoin Heizou: Old tricks they may well be, but the reason they've stood the test of time is that the ideal victim is always out there somewhere.
: Shikanoin Heizou: People who are behind on the times, naive, socially isolated, or have cognitive deficiencies... Just because they don't always get noticed doesn't mean they're not there.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Scammers cast a wide net. Sure, maybe 10,000 fish will escape, but they only need one catch for them to win and for us to lose.
: Arataki Itto: Well, no more losing from now on! Not with me here to protect everyone! I think we can all agree that my performance today shows I'm savvy enough to keep the scammers at bay.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Haha, don't be too confident... Anyway, Itto, my old, uh what was it again...? Ah yes, bro — here's the reward you were promised.
: Arataki Itto: Music to my ears! Emperor Onikabuto, come to papa!
:
: Arataki Itto: Oh-ho-ho! Look at those sharp horns, and those beautiful stripes... Hold on, Heizou, my hombre, why won't it move?
: Arataki Itto: Hey, bud, move! Oh no, I think this one might've, uh, joined the big beetle battle in the sky...
: Shikanoin Heizou: It's a figurine, so not the moving kind.
: Arataki Itto: What!? A figure!? So it's a fake!!!
: Shikanoin Heizou: Man alive, you seem a little surprised... Wait! You didn't actually think this was a real Onikabuto, did you?
: Shikanoin Heizou: No, surely not... Itto, old chap, you must have seen from the photograph that it was a figurine? Don't tell me you didn't notice?
: Shikanoin Heizou: ...Really?
: Arataki Itto: Aaaah!
: Arataki Itto: You little punk! Gimme my Emperor Onikabuto, now!
====Ending: The Three Undeceivables====
: Arataki Itto: Follow my heart? Alright then... There's no way a Doushin makes 500,000 Mora in a single pay packet.
: Arataki Itto: Two innocent victims, Miss Etsu and Mr. Iba, come to a Doushin for help, and the Doushin, what, whips out a 500,000 Mora check? Yeah, a likely story.
: Arataki Itto: There's only one possible explanation... Who's got two horns and carries around a fake checkbook? Yep, this guy!
: Arataki Itto: With this fake check for 500,000 Mora, I almost swindled Etsu and Iba out of 10,000 Onikabuto — the last thing these poor folks needed after the recent string of catastrophes they've faced!
: Arataki Itto: My mind is blown! Craziest plot twist I ever heard... the criminal was the main character all along...
: Arataki Itto: Miss Etsu, I'm afraid I can't let myself give you this fake check. But I will do everything in my power to raise 500,000 genuine Mora for you. So don't you worry!
: Etsu: What the...!?
: Iba: Ahem...
: Paimon: Oh, geez...
: Shikanoin Heizou: In the end, Doushin Arataki listened to the voice of his heart and narrowly avoided being defrauded in his own, unconventional way.
: Shikanoin Heizou: But regrettably, he failed to ask the critical question: "Who in their right mind would give away Onikabuto for free?"
: Shikanoin Heizou: I ask you all, is there such a thing as free Onikabuto? Free Mora? Or... does nothing in life come for free?
: Shikanoin Heizou: Thank you all for watching "Heizou Talks Fraud."
: Shikanoin Heizou: Don't get greedy and you won't be needy, stay alert and you won't get hurt! You never know where scammers may lurk. See you all next time!
:Audience: *applause*
:
: Arataki Itto: Wait... My man, what did you mean when you said I avoided being defrauded? I thought I was the fraudmeister here!
: Paimon: Maybe someone should've read the script! Miss Etsu and Master Iba were the scam artists, duh! You were the one they were trying to scam.
: Arataki Itto: What? Huh!? I was being conned?
: Arataki Itto: Darn, I can't believe they got me...
: Shikanoin Heizou: Well, you still managed to protect your money. In the end, they didn't succeed.
: Arataki Itto: Yeah, but... that was a happy coincidence. They scammed me, and I fell for it.
: Paimon: Guessing it wasn't your first time either, huh?
: Arataki Itto: Ugh, and it was such a cheap trick, too! Argh, this is killing me...
: Shikanoin Heizou: This trick is a common one for a reason. But don't underestimate it — that's how you end up being a victim.
: Arataki Itto: But how am I gonna protect my gang if even I get fooled by such cheap tricks?
: Shikanoin Heizou: Don't blame yourself, old chap. In fact, you know what? I was also conned today. Yeah, me, of all people. Does that make you feel better?
: Arataki Itto: You too, hombre? No way... that's impossible, you're just trying to cheer me up.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Oh n—no, it's the truth, please, just take a look at the present I got for you.
:
: Arataki Itto: Wait... Why can't it move?
: Shikanoin Heizou: That's just it... I'm sorry to say, it's just a figurine.
: Arataki Itto: What? A figure!? You mean... it's a fake!!!
: Shikanoin Heizou: Yeah, and it's all my fault. I was duped by the Onikabuto vendor's false advertising. What a colossal fool I am! Taken in by a common street vendor! Argh!
: Arataki Itto: So you really were conned! Dude... Let me take a second to let that sink in...
: Arataki Itto: Gotta say, although I didn't get my Emperor Onikabuto, somehow, knowing that even Heizou got conned kinda puts me back in a good mood... it's strange...
: Arataki Itto: Maybe I'm sharper than I'm giving myself credit for! Great minds think alike, so uh, me and my hombre here — kinda equally matched! Hehehehe, hahahahahaha!
: Arataki Itto: By the way, compadre, it looks like you're the only one out of the three of us who didn't get conned today.
: Arataki Itto: But you'd better watch out. We got fooled, not because we were stupid, but because those scam artists are some crafty dastards!
: Arataki Itto: I want you to have this figurine, as a reminder of the fact that today, Heizou and I both got conned, but we both grew a little wiser, too.
: Arataki Itto: I hope that whenever you see it, you'll remember how cunning those con artists were, and how difficult it was for Heizou and I to see through their schemes. Then, you'll always keep your wits about you, and you'll never become a victim yourself.
: Shikanoin Heizou: Yeap, that's right! No one'll ever manage to con you!
;(Obtain furnishing )
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