The Christmas in July Arc

It's Christmas Eve in Homestuck City! And by that I mean, Christmas in July in Homestuck City. Everyone was anticipating the day when Santa Balls came to town.
Jane Austen, in the Christmas spirit, wanted to share her work with everyone. She made sure it was not unknown that she was Jane Austen, the author of New York Times bestseller, Little Women. She made a strong point that little women are important. She even offered to give a reading in the courthouse. Everyone loved it. I'm pretty sure Jane got smited, though. Even after that amazing story. While hanging out with Jake and her old sprite self, though, Terezi was given the power of a gun. Something that should never happen. It was like Splatoon, everyone had paintball guns. Then Freddy the horse got introduced. Oh and Sonic the Hedgehog had an affair with Eridan, who was cheating on him with Freddy (the nursing cat not the horse). Roxy gave them relationship counseling inside the school. Showering them with lean, making them sign divorce papers, and then inviting them to her house to talk.
Mcburgular was holding a party to celebrate the Christmas spirit, though was heart broken when she found out that John was planning on wanting to kill Betty Crocker (though initially thought it was Santa Balls), so she did a court case against him, which she ultimately lost and starting losing hope. She made it up to everyone, by apologizing, while also continuing the great party.But in the midst of the chaos, two superheros appeared. It was Trollbug and Wildcat Noir! They crashed the Christmas party to save the day. Santa Balls was dead, but who did it? Who did the Batterwitch akumatize to make such a terrible thing happen during the jolly season?
Among the voices in the room, ominous french was heard. Everyone fell silent as the speaker voiced again, "Je l'ai fait." Everyone rushed to their Google translate, and in fact, THE WORDS WERE FRENCH. Truly the most crime ever done in Homestuck City. ("je l'ai fait" translates to "i did it.")
A court trial was held, but of course the outcome was clear. No one is allowed to be French and get away with it. Trollbug was the accuser, while Vriska was the defendant and Front-Facing Roxy was her lawyer. Absolutely nobody mentioned how Vriska admitted to ruining Christmas and killing Santa Balls, and why would they? This court case was over if Vriska was French or not. Vriska was silent for most of the case, letting her lawyer speak for her. She did speak English a few times, but who knows how much of it she actually knows. Front-Facing Roxy argued that her client used Google Translate to say her phrase. Trollbug argued that even if that was true, speaking French should be enough to put her in jail. It was very obvious Vriska was French and trying to hide it very well, but Front-Facing Roxy, being an esoteric entity of enormous enigmatic energy, was very persuasive in her words, and her argument seemed to be winning the judge over. Even though she was winning, Front-Facing Roxy offered Trollbug a chance at winning via a game of tic tac toe. Trollbug had nothing to lose. Except the tic tac toe game, which he did lose. And the case. He lost both. Really embarrassingly, seeing as he placed his O trying to block FFR when he could have won. This was really quite like Tommy challenging Dream to a duel when at losing odds and then losing again immediately. Crestfallen, Trollbug retreated. Knowing a French person got let off in court made him sick. Alas, the law is the law, and Trollbug and Wildcat Noir are just vigilantes.
After the court, as usual and is custom, everyone went to Roxy's house for some choco tacos. Chillkat appeared, hey, don't you think he looks a little like Trollbug? And Roxy appears to be similar to Wildcat Noir.... nahhh. They don't act anything alike. They don't even look alike, actually. Sorry, that thought process was really crazy and wild and silly. Anyways back to our Rox Labox house party. Dave (Robloxian) shows up, much to everyone's dismay, and starts telling Chillkat (who is being nothing but chill, obviously) to shut up with every sentence spoken. Blonde people just have that aura about them. It sparked a huge outbreak, Chillkat wouldn't stop arguing with Dave (they almost got into a fight outside), Dave told Gamzee to shut up (uncalled for gasp), and Roxy, overly stressed at the events and stuck in the corner, started drinking spiked bloxy cola.
Front-Facing Roxy challenges Dave to a Tic Tac Toe duel after failing to calm Roxy down and goes outside along with everyone else. 
File:FFRoxy Helping Roxy.jpg|A Roxy gotta help a Roxy, y'know?
Roxy, however, stays inside drunk as fuck. Chillkat goes back inside to find this and as a friend is immediately upset. Trying to give her water, and getting people to give CPR, but nothing works. Roxy, again drunk AF, stumbles outside and slides down the ramp. 
During this terribleness, though, light appeared through the form of love. It was heard from that some lesbians just got married. Everyone rushed outside to go congratulate the lesbians, as is customary and required. Rose and Kanaya look so happy together. While out and about, though, Chillkat found Roxy falling over in the street. He pulled her over into the school main hallway to have emergency LawnchairTM therapy. Roxy talked about her old problems with Dave, and how everything overwhelmed her. Chillkat did his epic LawnchairTM therapy thing and made her promise to try and stop drinking. He assured her everything was going to be okay. 
It was a late Homestuckian night. Everyone was out and about, particularly the dancestors. Making fun of each other, as usual. 
It got SO late in Homestuck City, that people were starting to get scared. It was frighteningly obvious that 3am was rolling around. There is something you absolutely can NOT do at 3am, and that is play homeStuck Roleplay v413 [June Update]. 
Everyone huddled inside the orange house, shivering in their boots. The boots were like blocks of ice, chiseled from the cold ice of Antarctica with Michelangelo's finest hammer and pick. There was scratching on the walls. Someone was here. 
... 
BOOM. LIKE A JUMPSCARE, EMO DAVE POPS UP OUT OF NOWHERE, ABSOLUTELY SCARING THE CRAP OUT OF EVEN THE FLEAS AND TICKS THAT RESIDE ON THE CITIZENS BODIES. Everyone was caught off guard. Everyone died. The end. 
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== Video Cut ==
Currently, there is a video cut of the event being worked on by MeenahGaming, though it'll likely release sometime in November. [POST ARCS: IT NEVER RELEASED]