The Helping Hand Dilemma

The Helping Hand Dilemma is the second part of the twenty-part miniseries We Don't Need Your Kind Here. It will air on September 27, 2019.
== Plot ==
After leaving the Krusty Krab, Squidward becomes a full-time communist and creates an online website glorifying communism. He intends to reach out to all the revolutionary fish in the sea, but when SpongeBob and "Mr." Eugene Krabs find out, they have to stop him as some fish are actually armed and dangerous! But "Mr." Eugene Krabs has plans as well...
== Characters ==
* SpongeBob SquarePants
* Squidward Tentacles
* "Mr." Eugene Krabs
* internet users
== Transcript ==
* [The episode begins]
* [Squidward, now out of an actual job, is a full-time faux-communist. His house and virtually all his income was seized by the Bank of Bikini Bottom (BBB). He lives with Mama Tentacles, his mother, and she’s not very happy how Squidward spends all his time on the FishNet all day...]
* Squidward: Crap, it’s the twenty-sixth. I have to pay the corrupt fools at the BBB my rent...wait a minute! I stopped paying for that two weeks ago! Yeet! I’m mooching off my mom! I love communism!
* [Squidward takes out his laptop and logs on to Fishcord, a site intended for gamers, though the servers he is on are full of leftist buffoons. He goes on the “Bikini Bottom Communist Party” Fishcord server and initiates a chat conversation.]
* Squidward: Greetings, comrades? How is the revolution going on?
* The Terrible Turtle: Ah, nothing much. Happy I got out of school, now it’s roasting boomers 24/7.
* Locknloaches: Very good. I got into an argument with this fascist war criminal. Told him so and he replied, “do you know who Che Gilfish is?”. Who the h*ck is that? Then he told me that “I wasn’t qualified to lecture him about politics.” Excuse me, but if you’re a conservative, you need some FRICKING lecturing! Ugh!
* [Squidward responds with a “100” emoji, and everyone that’s active adds on to it.]
* Shellfish D. Bastard: I think he’s one of the Rock Bottom revolutionaries. Doesn’t matter though. I hate centrists as well. Damn fools if you ask me.
* Squidward: Indeed. Anyways, I was planning we could do a voice chat…
* The Terrible Turtle: Sorry mate. There’s an Alvin and the Chipfish marathon going on right now...can’t miss that fire, y’know?
* Squidward: It’s an important discussion about the revolution—
* The Terrible Turtle: I CAN’T MISS THAT FIRE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?! ALVIN AND THE CHIPFISH IS THE GREATEST SHOW IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA!
* [The Terrible Turtle leaves server.]
* Squidward: Ehhhh...he’ll come back. Anyways, the three of us can do it.
* [Squidward, Locknloaches, and Shellfish D. Bastard enter the voice chat.]
* Locknloaches: So, I was thinking, for the revolution...we should get some sort of weapon, I guess?
* Shellfish D. Bastard: No! Violence of any kind is WRONG!
* Squidward: Violence is the antithesis of communism, my friend.
* Locknloaches: But what about the Rock Bottom revolutionaries? I read stories about how they used blowtorches to burn seaweed plantations to the bottom of the ocean. Sure, it ended up causing a tiny famine that starved just a few hundred thousand fish, but it showed that WITH ANYTHING, we can stand up to THE MAN!
* Squidward: Eh, maybe I should consider recruiting them. Border control is pretty weak these days after our great party stormed the Bikini Bottom Border Force office to dismantle the oppressive concept!
* Locknloaches: Heeha!
* Shellfish D. Bastard: Heeha!
* Squidward: Okay then. Tonight, we’re going to Rock Bottom to smuggle some revolutionaries in. It’ll be grand.
* Shellfish D. Bastard: I mean...what if something goes wrong?
* Squidward: What do you mean?
* Shellfish D. Bastard: In 1964, a splinter movement called “The Peacefish” was formed in Rock Bottom. They opposed their hardcore military cover-ups after the famine. One day, the leader of the Foolfish disappeared. According to the news, he disappeared because he made a comment to one of the armed men about his disapproval of him carrying firearms.
* Squidward: Okay, honestly, you’re fricking pissing me off right now. The news? What the h*ck do you think we’re running here—are we debate club? No! These revolutionaries will bring greatness to Bikini Bottom! Wait a minute...have you been hacked?
* Shellfish D. Bastard: What?! No! It’s just that I’ve been spending more time outside after FishNet Neutrality ended and I’ve begun to see the true outside and…
* Locknloaches: HACKER! You’re probably the random edgy squid that disrupted Squidward at the convention two weeks ago! Evict! Evict! Evict!
* [Squidward permanently bans Shellfish D. Bastard from the Bikini Bottom Communist Party Fishcord server. At the same time, The Terrible Turtle joins.]
* The Terrible Turtle: Greetings.
* Squidward: Greetings. How’s the Alvin and the Chipfish marathon going?
* The Terrible Turtle: [sighs] Just found out, due to “low ratings,” they’re fricking cancelling the show and decided to do one last stand. But even then, all those bloody boomers on FishBook started unfollowing Loachaloadeon en masse, so they cancelled the marathon just ten minutes in.
* Locknloaches: Eh. We could use you though...turns out Shellfish D. Bastard was none other than that random edgy squid that disrupted Squidward at the convention! So tonight, we’re going to smuggle in some freedom fighters from Rock Bottom.
* The Terrible Turtle: Cool. But I’m not surprised about the eviction honestly, that damn shellfish was quite indeed the bastard. Though not like Squidmatch though, at least he’s not having a...problem. I don’t know how you’re going to get him involved in the revolution when he can’t even discipline himself in the classroom.
* Squidward: Shut up, he’s a teenager! He’ll be a fine communist one day! Anyways, sorry for the filler, we gonna do this, heeha?
* The Terrible Turtle: Heeha!
* Locknloaches: Heeha!
* [As they were giving themselves compliments, Mama Tentacles barged in.]
* Mama Tentacles: TAKE OUT THE DAMN TRASH! WHAT KIND OF SQUID DID I RAISE?
* Squidward: What the h*ck did you just say to me? Did you just assume my h*cking gender? When I got my Masters’ in Squid Studies—
* Mama Tentacles: That’s where it all went downhill! You could’ve studied engineering or chemistry or mathematics like your brothers Squidmatch and Squidphilly, but you [mockingly speaking] wanted to be an artist. Hey everybody, look at me! I’m a fricking artist! Ha! Ha! [back to regular speaking] But in your defense though, Squidmatch does have a...problem and Squidphilly keeps claiming to have a girlfriend while never once actually showing her. But YOU STILL SUCK!
* [Squidward, in a rage, throws a bag of tofu at her. She doesn’t fall down though, even though she’s 87, because tofu is soyboy food, and she’s a hardworking individual who raised eight squids with an arm tied back.]
* Mama Tentacles: Pathetic! Get out of here, NOW!
* [Cut to the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is doing twice the work since Squidward left, but he doesn’t mind.]
* SpongeBob: [at the cash register] How may I take your order, sir?
* Bubble Bass: I'll take a Double Triple Bossy Deluxe on a raft, four by four, animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim.
* [SpongeBob writes all of it down and serves it exactly.]
* SpongeBob: Here you go sir, one of...all of that!
* Bubble Bass: [gasps] Wow! You’re not complaining about how I’m an overweight fish that just ordered something completely ridiculous! Here’s a penny, buddy! I won’t complain about the pickles this time.
* SpongeBob: Yay! My yearly wage!
* [Mr. Krabs, hearing the sound of a penny, rushes outside and takes it.]
* Mr. Krabs: Kinda need this penny...for, erm...my greed. Anyways, can you come to my office please?
* [Cut to Mr. Krabs’ office.]
* Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, we have a situation...with Squidward. He’s doing something really dangerous.
* SpongeBob: I thought you said that Squidward was just a “loser who knew nothing about the realities of communism”.
* Mr. Krabs: Yeah, that’s Squidward though. He knows nothing about the realities of communism. Because he hasn’t logged out of his Fishcord account on my computer before he left, I’ve been stalking him and all of his chats for a good laugh when the money isn’t circulating. But I wasn’t laughing today. This morning, he wanted to bring actual communist revolutionaries into Bikini Bottom! I hacked into one of the damn fools on the chat, who’s Fishcord password was predictably “communismrocks”, and pointed out to a group of peaceful political dissenters in Rock Bottom, but he called me an “edgy squid” and blocked me. Apparently, it’s not just the account that was blocked, but the network address of the computer as well, so now I have no idea what they are trying to do! All I know is, it’s happening tonight somewhere along the Rock Bottom border. Be there, SpongeBob! I command you!
* SpongeBob: Aye-aye, sir!
* [Squidward, The Terrible Turtle, and Locknloaches ride to the Rock Bottom Border Crossing Station. This station, however, has been abandoned since the Bikini Bottom Communist Party wrecked the Border Force’s office. At the station, Squidward sees a couple of fish with red hats and weapons on the other side. Locknloaches and The Terrible Turtle destroy the border fence, allowing the Rock Bottom men to come through.]
* Squidward: Greetings, comrades!
* Rock Bottom Militant #1: [in a heavy accent] Gaythings! Ze yama mista Rocky Sozial, and ze yam heer to ate ze krabbypatties...ze mean, to daystroy Bikinyi Bottoma!
* The Terrible Turtle: Awesome!
* [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs arrive at the scene.]
* Mr. Krabs: You damn fools! Prepare to face the consequences of your sins!
* Squidward: Beware, comrades! This here is the capitalist pig, Eugene H. Krabs! Finish him with all your glory, and may the same fate be given to ALL imperialists. First you, then the backs, and then terrorist capitalist groups like the New Kelp City Freedom Army!
* Rock Bottom Militant #2: [in a heavy accent] Ze thot we wara heer to ate ze krabby—
* Rock Bottom Militant #1: [in a heavy accent] Shattap! Justa daystroy dem!
* [Rock Bottom Militant #2 points his fully automatic AK-47 towards Mr. Krabs. Just as he is about to fire, Mr. Krabs suddenly throws a strange device at him, sucking him into a void.]
* Everyone: [in absolute shock] Wha—?
* Mr. Krabs: You damn fools have had enough chances. I told you not to get into this mess and bring actual commies here, but you refused to listen. Now I have to take care of this lunacy to ensure the capitalist paradise we all know but refuse to love!
* [While giving you this speech, Locknloaches sneaks up behind him.]
* Locknloaches: Fascist war criminal! 
* [Locknloaches shoots Mr. Krabs with his toy gun, which obviously didn’t kill him, so a Rock Bottom Militant fires up his bazooka and aimed straight at the center of his cell.]
* Rock Bottom Militant #1: My brothar! Ze zal yavenga yem! [fires the bazooka at Mr. Krabs]
* [Mr. Krabs is severely injured by the blast and is rushed to the hospital. Rock Bottom Militants, fearing arrest by the Bikini Bottom Hospital as well as Mr. Krabs' strange device, run back to Rock Bottom. At the hospital, he phones SpongeBob. The phone call begins.]
* SpongeBob: Yello?
* Mr. Krabs: Hey, Spongey, would you mind bringing the secret formula to the hospital, I’m a bit paranoid about Plankton stealing it during my absence.
* SpongeBob: Sure—Plankton? Where even his he, anyways?
* [The phone call abruptly ends. SpongeBob travels to the Krusty Krab, opens up the safe in Mr. Krabs’ office, and takes out the secret formula. But he notices a somewhat new piece of paper in it. SpongeBob takes that out as well, and closes the safe.]
* SpongeBob: Hmmm, what’s this?
* [The paper reads: RECEIPT, 25 DIMENSIONAL SUCKERS, COURTESY OF NEW KELP CITY FREEDOM ARMY.]
* SpongeBob: Wait, isn’t this a—nah. Krabs is a good Krab.
* [SpongeBob throws out the receipt in the garbage, and proceeds to head to the hospital.]Category:We Don't Need Your Kind Here
Category:Squidnerd
Category:2019
Category:Episodes
Category:2010s