This Is Just Doom, Isn't It?

is the first episode of RTAverse - Off The Rails. It was written by and first aired in May 2020.
==Synopsis==
After Mario D'Angelo is killed, the world falls into a state of uncertainty over how to defend against Naomi Richards and her army of demons until a group in San Francisco are suddenly thrust into the frontline of the battle. With no one knowing who they really are and the group having no idea why they're being thrust into battle, they begrudgingly accept their position and prepare to battle whatever is thrown their way.
==Transcript==
The episode opens with a shot of San Francisco before showing a woman walking down the street. She has a hockey stick on her back as she looks around her. A narrator then enters the scene.
:Narrator: So, the past couple of years have been a wild fever dream. We've had a cyber-psycho dude from a thousand years in the future chased after a girl cause he wanted to turn her into some cyber-Jesus combat thing of perfection, then tried fighting the entire planet and some other plane of existence, then wimped out after a psychic-psycho chick over here almost killed him. Then she started losing it and now she's actually killed the I-guess-former cyber-psycho and now she's become the big bad around here with a big swarm of demons cause she's the daughter of Satan or something. It'd be better in execution if somebody had a consistent creative stream!
:???: Hey!
A demon then appears in front of the woman as she walks down the road. The woman pulls her stick out with little hesitation and promptly kills the demon. She then walks a bit further and enters a building with a group of people crashed out, with beer bottles strewn all over the floor.
:Narrator: And this is the crew that's being trusted with the future of the planet. We have Vicky Sykora the degenerate goddess, Tonya Harkless the gangster-turned superhero, Adam Wade the actor with heroic origins, LaShawna Hawk the modern bard and Dave the mute dude. Then there's me. Yeo-Seong Park. Hockey player slash badass. We've been trusted with the fate of the planet and to be honest, none of us could give any less of a shit.
Yeo-Seong grabs a beer and chugs it before throwing the bottle on the floor, shattering it. She wakes the others up as they go to exit the building. As they open the door, Social Distortion's Ball and Chain kicks in and the group prepare for battle.
:Yeo-Seong: (narrating) But just cause we don't care doesn't mean we aren't gonna try.
----
The group is seen back in the office building, with there now being a heap of demon corpses in the middle of the room. Dave is shown looking at the dead demons then looking at Yeo-Seong.
:Yeo-Seong: What? Not my fault we have nowhere to store demon viscera.
Yeo-Seong downs another beer as Adam Wade looks over the corpses.
:Adam Wade: I'd say burn them, but considering they're from Hell and all, I feel they'd actually benefit from that.
:Tonya: They're dead, they won't come back to life just cause we set their corpses on fire.
Tonya snaps her fingers as the corpses vanish in a flash fire.
:Tonya: See? Nothing happened. Stop being a wimp.
LaShawna finishes downing another bottle of beer as she sighs.
:LaShawna: I should've been out of this hellhole by now! But no! We got these asshole demons fucking everything up!
:Vicky: They'll give up after about two weeks, trust me.
:LaShawna: Not with a psychotic half-demonic bitch controlling them!
:Yeo-Seong: You're a goddess, can't you do something about them?
:Vicky: I could.
Everyone looks at Vicky.
:Tonya: Will you?
:Vicky: Not like I can really do anything on my own.
LaShawna sighs.
:LaShawna: Have you done anything useful in your time as a god?
:Vicky: Well...
Vicky ponders for a bit.
:Vicky: ...No.
LaShawna throws her hands up as she launches the bottle at a wall, shattering it.
:LaShawna: How did we even get here?!
:Yeo-Seong: None of us know any more than you do, Hawk! Shut your ass up and just follow my lead and maybe, just maybe we'll get some answers!
LaShawna rolls her eyes.
:LaShawna: I don't have the fuckin' time for this.
LaShawna prepares to exit the building, but as she opens the door to exit she is met by Naomi Richards. Yeo-Seong lets out an annoyed sigh as the others go wide-eyed.
:Everyone but Dave and Yeo-Seong: Oh shit.
----
The group is seen being circled by Naomi. Most of the group appears to be a bit intimidated by her appearance, although Yeo-Seong is entirely unphased by her.
:Yeo-Seong: You guys are fuckin' wimps.
Naomi turns her focus to Yeo-Seong as she gets right up close in her face. Yeo-Seong still doesn't flinch as Naomi appears to be annoyed by this fact.
:Yeo-Seong: You don't scare me, y'know. Just cause you have a bunch of demons doesn't mean you have a chance on your own.
:Naomi: Do you want to take that chance?
:Adam Wade: Are you insane?!
:Yeo-Seong: I'm more sane than everyone else on this fucking planet. Naomi and her bullshit doesn't scare me.
Naomi's face flares up in rage as she pounces for Yeo-Seong, but Yeo-Seong jumps out of the way. She takes her hockey stick off her back as she swings the stick at Naomi, striking her on the back. Naomi reels from the hit.
:Naomi: You fucking bitch!
Naomi looks over to Yeo-Seong as she shoots a fireball at her. Yeo-Seong dodges out of the way of the fireball as she strikes Naomi again, this time on the head, dazing her. Naomi stumbles to the floor as Yeo-Seong crouches down to her.
:Yeo-Seong: Again... you don't fucking scare me. You can have all the demons, all the fire, all the anger you want... but I'm not backing down at all. So it's best you back down now while you're ahead.
:Naomi: NEVER! YOU AND YOUR LITTLE TEAM OF ASSHOLE FRIENDS ARE NEVER GOING TO STOP ME, IT'S ONLY SO LONG BEFORE YOU'RE ALL UNDER MY FUCKING CONTROL! THIS WHOLE FUCKING PLANET'S GOING TO BE UNDER MY FUCKING CONTROL AND YOU'RE GOING TO WATCH WHEN IT HAPPENS!
Yeo-Seong decides to take one more swing at Naomi, but Naomi teleports out of the building. The rest of the group looks at Yeo-Seong in awe.
:Tonya: What just happened?
:Yeo-Seong: Naomi being a wimp just happened. I don't know why you're all so scared of her. Especially you, Vicky.
:Vicky: What? Why me?
:Yeo-Seong: You're a goddess, that's why! You should be ready to take a super malevolent demon and all that shit! Not cowering in a damn corner!
Vicky shrugs.
:Vicky: Shit's still scary.
Yeo-Seong sighs.
:Yeo-Seong: Let's just... call it a night. Hit the city, get drunk, wake up tomorrow forgetting everything that happened tonight.
The rest of the group nods in agreement as they suddenly storm out of the building. Yeo-Seong lets out a sigh as she eventually follows.
:Yeo-Seong: We are the most degenerate heroes around.
----
The group is seen around a table at a bar, with LaShawna sleeping on the table as the rest look around.
:Tonya: It's crazy to think Naomi was one of the biggest heroes around not even three years ago...
:Adam Wade: A lot of stuff can change in three years. Hell, even five years ago we didn't know there were other universes then all of a sudden, we're part of something way bigger cause of that portal in L.A.!
:Vicky: Having Satan as a father tends to end badly in most cases. Although I don't think anyone expected her to just overthrow the entire Hell heirarchy so quickly. The other gods definitely didn't.
:Tonya: Where the hell's this sudden god insight coming from, Vicky?
:Vicky: The booze.
Tonya has a confused look on her face and then just shakes her head. Tonya then looks at Yeo-Seong.
:Tonya: So, how exactly are we tackling fighting Naomi?
:Yeo-Seong: We kick her ass until she stops. Simple as.
:Tonya: It's simple until you factor in the fact that we're working to defeat a demonic psychopath!
:Yeo-Seong: So?
:Tonya: Psychopaths don't stop, I know from experience. She'll keep on attacking us until we're dead or under her control.
:Yeo-Seong: And I know from experience that if you kick someone's ass enough, they'll stop!
:Tonya: Why do you think she killed D'Angelo? Cause she fucking hated him! She chased after him and killed him in cold blood!
:Yeo-Seong: D'Angelo was a pussy, I'm not.
Tonya raises her eyebrows at Yeo-Seong.
:Tonya: Naomi's not some other dumbass goon, she's a demonic overlord! A demonic overlord is way more powerful than a damn hockey player! The only one of us who can match her in some way is Vicky and she's the laziest of us all!
Tonya looks over to Vicky, who has fallen asleep. Tonya sighs.
:Yeo-Seong: Hey, I mean, you lot are helping too. If you get your asses in gear and don't shit the bed when Naomi shows up, we'll be stronger than her collectively. Got it?
Tonya looks at the rest of the group, sighs and nods. Adam Wade and Dave also nod.
:Yeo-Seong: Good. Now let's get outta here.
Yeo-Seong picks up LaShawna and Vicky as the group leaves the bar.
----
Song: Icon for Hire - Make A Move
The group is seen on their way home. Adam Wade pulls up to a small apartment building as he goes and crashes on the sofa, while Dave crashes out in a dumpster behind the bar.
:Yeo-Seong: (narrating) A demonic queen versus six jabronis sounds like a total beatdown waiting to happen.
Tonya arrives back home as a decently sized house in the suburbs as she jumps on her bed and brings out a Nintendo Switch to play on, while Yeo-Seong drops Vicky in the elevator for her apartment building.
:Yeo-Seong: (narrating) But we're not any regular jabronis. We're badass jabronis. We're about ready for anything that's gonna get thrown in our direction, it's just we need to man up before we actually tackle it.
Yeo-Seong arrives back at her apartment as she dumps LaShawna on the floor, while Yeo-Seong jumps in her bed and falls asleep.
:Yeo-Seong: (narrating) Naomi can throw whatever she wants at us, but we're gonna be the ones on top.
The group is then seen together the next day, on top of a rooftop overlooking San Francisco.
:Yeo-Seong: (narrating) And like I said earlier... just cause we don't care doesn't mean we're not gonna try.
The song's chorus kicks in as the episode's credits roll.
==Reception==
TBA
==Trivia==
TBA
Category:Episodes
Category:RTA's Things
Category:2020
Category:Subpages
Category:Transcripts