Minimum Rager

Minimum Rager is an adventure starring Ava, Norage, and Reine. Companion episode: I Can't Believe It's Not Better
==Setting==
Poppy's Fantasy Land Puzzle Mania
==Short Episode Description==
Whisked away into a series of escape rooms, Ava, Norage and Reine have to puzzle and fight their way to the 'hoard' waiting at the end. Minimum Rager is an actual play podcast episode of 'Lasers & Feelings'.
==Non Player Characters==
*Poppy Lindun
*Billy Bobby Joe
*Sir Bottom Rock
*Sir Mix A Lot
*Rock Rockdigger
*Pop Rockdigger
*Lock Rockdigger
*Spright Squared
*Might Squared
*Blight Squared
*Stella Argentine
==Plot Summary==
The adventure begins with the Firebreathing Kittens Avarice H. and Norage Fleshripper checking out a pile of papers strewn about beneath the FBK guildhall job board. They all have the same cryptic message: "Help! I've lost my hoard. Can you help me find it?" without any indication of who needs their hoard back. While Norage tries to deduce more information about the paper and where it came from, Ava's stained glass dragon Malum starts eating the paper, as it has shiny magical filigree at the back. Reine Ylvaby notices the commotion going on and comes over to check it out. She smells silver dragon on the paper, and Ava sees that the magic is clearly a type of Xadrin magic, though she cannot determine who made it. 
Norage starts arranging the papers around him, hoping to deduce more clues, when he happens to lay them out in the exact pattern needed to activate the magic: teleportation! The three adventurers find themselves in a cheaply painted room with someone behind the front desk. The receptionist, Bob <insert actual NPC name here> tells them that they have arrived at Poppy's Puzzle Mania - a place where adventurers solve puzzles and go on quests to obtain a prize - the dragon's hoard. Ava, unimpressed, chats with the receptionist to find out that a bunch of other adventuring teams have already been here. She will want to talk to the manager about the issues surrounding the lack of consent into entering this Puzzle Mania, and Bob tells her that she can do that after they complete the challenges. 
The adventurers enter a room where a very bored, tired, and jaded employee named Sir Bottomrock appears and asks them to mix a potion for him so he can save the princess. However, before he could say anything, his sudden appearance startled Norage, who instinctively punched the apparition with enough force that he was sent flying into an adjacent wall. Norage apologizes and Reine offers Sir Bottomrock her own herbal remedy to help with the effects of the gut punch. Reine also looks into the potion book and mixes a potion for Sir Bottomrock. It was the perfect match! Sir Bottomrock grows muscles and goes "off to save the princess," though in a very unconvincing way because he Isn't Paid Enough For This. Seeing the remarkable effects of the potion, and that there were a bunch of other components lying around, the adventurers decide to experiment with their own potions. 
Norage goes first, mixing together a potion that suddenly makes him able to read Common, as if he'd known it. his own life! As he grew up only reading Giant, he is absolutely thrilled that he can now read in a second language - something he had been struggling with for a long time. Reine goes second, mixing a potion that regenerates a lost body part. Ava and Norage watch as Reine's headscarf bursts open to reveal a beautiful pair of antlers sprouting from her head that had been lost some time ago, along with a furry, pointed pair of ears. Ava compliments Reine's new look and goes to mix her own potion - which doesn't seem to do anything except make her feet itch (she'll find out their actual effect later). She is, once again, unimpressed. 
The next room is an ice cream break! Ava and Norage are suspicious, since they both have experience with ice cream monsters jumping out at them. Norage, thinking it is a game from his childhood, uses his pole arm to attack the ice cream mascot on the wall. Nothing happens, however, except him making a hole in the cheap plywood wall. Ava goes to serve ice cream, expecting the monster to come from there. As she scoops the ice cream for Reine, angrily making a masterpiece for her guildmate, nothing happens. However, when she makes one for Norage, it animates into a tiny screaming monster reminiscent of the games from his childhood. Reine, Norage, and Ava's dragons happily eat their ice cream, making an absolute mess of the ice cream stand, while Ava does not partake (she HATES sweets!) but enjoys the destruction her dragons create, and the door opens - the purpose of this room was to make the people inside it have fun. 
The adventurers move on to the next room, which is a library that contains foam statues of a Medusa and three knights with various removable weapons/tools. Ava finds a book that seems relevant to the situation at hand with a quote: "While the heroes distract the villains, the Medusa is cut down." Ava and Norage move one of the bookshelves and three dwarves spring out at them, ready to fight! Reine and Norage distract the dwarves, while Ava pretends to cut down the Medusa, perfectly recreating the mythical scene. The door opens as Norage and Reine successfully disarm the dwarves, who are extremely frightened once they find out that our three adventurers are Firebreathing Kittens. The dwarves admit that they are quite new to adventuring. Norage offers them the opportunity to go with the FBK, and they agree. Ava intimidates the dwarves into agreeing to give over half of their reward to the FBK, since they are being "carried" throughout the Puzzle Mania. 
Next is a room with another statue in the center - this time a knight dressed in heavy armor and stretching out an empty hand. The inscription on the statue reads: "give me your greatest weapon." A wide variety of weapons, ranging from daggers to bows, are strewn about on the ground in front of it. Norage gives the statue a hug, as his greatest weapon is kindness, but nothing happens. Ava pours some of her blood into its palm, as her greater weapon is her ability to make devilish deals, and the blood is absorbed into the armor but nothing else happens. Reine finds a pair of used gloves with claws and puts it on the knight, and the knight attacks her! The dwarves, terrified, go into the furthest corner of the room while Norage tries to cleave the knight in two with his polearm, but the knight dodges. Ava steps up and manages to evade its attacks, distracting it while her dragon Malum grows in size and pounces on it, pinning it to the ground. Ava manipulates the feathers of her wings to keep it pinned down, unable to move. However, it still tries to get up - it has not yet been defeated. Reine turns into a fly and goes inside the knight, hoping to find some clues, while Ava's pseudo dragon Penny flies around the room, trying to do the same. Reine finds that the armor's "stomach" is filled with gold coins - the "greatest weapon" must be money! 
Ava uses one of her feathers to take a gold piece from her purse and deposit it into the knights hand, and the knight powers off and a trapdoor opens to reveal a slide - the puzzle has been solved. However, she is not satisfied - she wants the gold inside the knight's stomach. She and Norage try to pry off the arbor, to no avail. Reine gives her an idea - maybe she can send Malum into the knight and he can grow and make the armor burst apart. They try this idea, and it works! Ava splits the gold evenly among her and Norage, but does not give any to the dwarves, as they did not help. 
Everyone takes the slide to the next room - Norage going headfirst, Ava going in like a normal person (but with wings) and Reine going in timidly, but still braver than the dwarves, who go last. They come across a plain room with foam at the bottom - Norage is convinced that this is the hoard. He excitedly tries to eat a piece of foam, discovering that it is disgusting and not tasty, and Ava clarifies what a hoard usually is. Norage suggests that the hoard might be hidden under the foam, and Ava excitedly agrees, happy to cause more destruction to this place. The adventurers and the dwarves tear up the foam, revealing a lot of money that must have been lost here and a pair of boots that Ava tries on. Upon taking her boots off, she discovers that the potion made her grow a sixth toe. The new boots are magical and make her jump really high - she tries it and jumps all the way to the ceiling, using her wings to help her glide down rather than fall. 
Reine and Norage then hear cursing coming from the door to the next room, which is open. The group go to investigate, finding three halflings in a trench coat named <enter names here>. They have been stuck in this room for a while, trying to figure out the puzzle. The adventurers go into the center of the room, finding three bowls filled with water, olive oil, and cocoa powder, fifteen battery-powered torches on the walls, and an inscription under the bowls saying: "the more there is, the less you see." The adventurers assume it refers to the ingredients and try to mix them into hot chocolate. Ava burns the mixture, and a cheerful knight named Sir Mixalot comes in to replace the ingredients. Ava tries to stop him so he can tell them how to solve the puzzle, but he evades her and says that he cannot help them - he gets this a lot. 
Norage takes one of the torches off the wall to try and use it as a heat source, but as it emits no heat and seems useless he tosses it over his shoulder. It shatters, making the room get darker, and this gives Ava an idea - maybe the inscription refers to the torches! She starts taking torches off the wall and shattering them, and her dragons help her - Penny throwing torches like a playful parrot and Malum eating them. As he eats them, the batteries make him light up, and he becomes a stunning rainbow light source. As the room gets darker, it reveals an Easy-Bake oven and more ingredients to make a cake. Norage and Reine go and start baking - they feel right at home! They choose to make heart-shaped cupcakes rather than a sheet cake, Reine excitedly trying to help but getting in Norage's way - much like a happy puppy. Norage makes delicious cupcakes and divides them among everyone - including the halflings, dwarves, and dragons. Ava even eats hers, making it into tasty charcoal first. 
Once the cupcakes have been eaten, the door opens to the end room containing the "hoard"... which turns out to be a bunch of cheap toys. Reine and Norage take fun toys including a bouncy ball and a skateboard, while Ava acts like a Karen and asks to see the manager, as she was promised at the beginning of the adventure.
The "manager" turns out to be none other than Stellfaeira of the Infinite Spirits, a powerful silver Xadrin, in humanoid form. However, Ava recognizes the dragon as Stella Argentine, a half-dragon model, former FBK adventurer, and her half-sister. She does not know of her new identity or profession. Ava grows angry, as she does not like silver dragons - especially the Argentines. She only has a begrudging respect for Stella because of her performance in Kaern: the Worldbreaker, which quickly dissipates once she finds out "Stella" has some control over what Ava sees as a poorly-done mockery of Saint Lucia's pyramid. 
Stellfaeira reveals that another silver dragon named Poppy is the Xadrin in charge of the Puzzle Mania and offers Ava a chance to switch from being Remedios' exarch to being Poppy's exarch. Ava tells her "hard pass!" and offers "Stella" a deal - she'll give back the money she stole if it is used to greatly upgrade and improve the Puzzle Mania and make it so that contestants know what they are signing up for. While she goes in for the handshake, Ava asks Stellfaeira what she thinks of Blithe Hoard - to which Stellfaeira replies "I don't know what you're talking about" but offers to meet for coffee one day. Ava, intrigued, agrees. 
While all this drama is happening, Reine offers Stellfaeira medicinal herbs and Norage gives her a "get well soon" card because Ava told her "do better." Reine and Norage also just play around on their new toys. Stellfaeira conjures up a portal for the adventurers to go back to the FBK guildhall, which Reine and Norage happily do. Ava takes her own portal because she's Like That, and the adventure ends.
Category:Episodes