Life Rolls On

Life Rolls On is the 10th episode of Season 1 of SpongeBob SquarePants and a Gallon of Milk. It also serves as a finale to one of PrimitiveSponge129's other shows, The World of SBFW.
==Transcript==
DEDICATED TO OSCAR AUGER
LICKING HIS OWN BALLS IN HEAVEN FR
[The episode opens with an establishing shot of SpongeBot678's family's residence, as seen in The World of SBFW episode "The Nightmare Zoltan Next Door". After a brief musical sting, we cut inside to see the beardy dad himself, Robert, sitting on the sofa and lighting a crack pipe. His wife, Paige's unnamed mother, walks on screen.]
Bot's Mom: Robert, what are you doing?
Beardy Dad: Crack.
Bot's Mom: What the fuck?
Beardy Dad: Hey, at least I'm not drinking, Mother.
Bot's Mom: Yeah, this isn't exactly a good substitute. Where'd you get crack?
Beardy Dad: From Paige.
Bot's Mom: What?
[Paige walks on screen and takes the pipe out of her father's hands.]
SpongeBot678: Oh thank GOD. I was looking for that thing EVERYWHERE.
Bot's Mom: PAIGE!! YOU DO DRUGS?!
SpongeBot678: Mum, don't act like that's the weirdest thing that happens in this household.
Beardy Dad: Haha, so true! Welp, I gotta go sell some DVDs on . There's some simpletons out there on the Internets that'll pay an arm and a leg for 'em.
[Robert leaves as Paige takes a hit of the bong.]
SpongeBot678: Exhibit A. And as for Exhibit B…
[The camera pans over to Oscar, the dog of the family, sitting down on his bed and licking his own balls fr.]
SpongeBot678: …wait, what?
Bot's Mom: Didn't we get rid of his balls?
SpongeBot678: Yeah, that– that's why I'm confused. In fact, I don't even remember owning a bong. Am I dreaming or something?
Smooth voiceover: SpongeBot678 was, in fact, not dreaming.
[The screen's colours are inverted.]
SpongeBot678: The fuck?
Smooth voiceover: It turns out, this wouldn't be your average episode of The World of SBF– (whispering from someone else) oh, uh, sorry about that. An episode of SpongeBob SquarePants and a Gallon of Milk.
[The colours are reverted back to normal.]
SpongeBot678: Wait, wasn't that the userfic with, uh… Anya and the other guy? What happened to that show anyway–
[We abruptly cut back to Oscar, still licking his own balls. Paige walks into frame.]
SpongeBot678: And as for YOU, how the FUCK do you still have your balls?
[Oscar bites his balls off like a piece and lies down on them before pretending to sleep.]
SpongeBot678: Nuh uh, mister. Don't think I didn't see that.
[She picks Oscar up, revealing that the balls are gone. Paige stares at the spot before putting Oscar back down, looking at her crack pipe, and throwing it across the room, shattering it.]
SpongeBot678: I think I need to rest for a bit.
In a world where SpongeBob fanfiction is just grand,
And degeneracy runs rampant all throughout the land
Let me greet you a world full of splendor and misery
The World of the SpongeBob Fanon Wiki…
[We hear a record scratch. The scene briefly cuts to static before the World of SBFW Town Hall is seen, with a giant banner reading "ANNUAL BALL LICKING COMPETITION", with a smaller banner under it reading "sponsored by Box Productions Inc." being painted by CrazySponge, who is standing on a ladder. The camera cuts closer to him as he turns around to face the screen.]
CrazySponge: normally i wouldn't sponsor events like these, but i figured, hey, they think i'm gay anyway, might as well make some money off of it
[We cut back to the view of the Town Hall right before a stampeding crowd runs into view, toppling CrazySponge and his ladder over. The president of the nation, Arre, stands up on a podium holding a megaphone.]
Arre: Ladies and gentlemen, innocents and degenerates, damn fools and blasted buffoons alike! Welcome to the 31st annual World of SBFW ball-licking competition!
[Cheering and applause from the crowd are heard.]
Arre: God, you people are sickos. I don't know why I'm still in this community.
[Her secretary whispers into her ear. There's been a lot of whispering thus far, don't you think?]
Arre: Oh, I'm not? Good to hear. Anyway, let's hear it for our contestants! First up, we have everyone's favourite purple primate: it's the king of the jungle and Dildo's best friend - that's right - it's BULBO KONG!
[Some more cheering and applause is heard as Bulbo swings into view, standing right beside Arre.]
Bulbo Kong: Bulbo bulbo.
Arre: Now then, Mr. Kong, do you have any words for the audience?
Bulbo Kong: Bulbo expert at licking balls. He gobble them up like cocoa nuts NOM NOM GULP GULP ah….. …..
Arre: Thank you, Bulbo. None of those words are in the . Now then, for our next contestant, it's a face a lot of you will remember. Described by many as having a bigger decline than , , , , , ... hell with it, any TV show that ever existed… it's Zoltan40!
[Zoltan is kicked out of the crowd and onto the stage as more cheering is heard.]
Arre: Any words for your adoring fans? Both of them are waiting, Mr. City.
Zoltan: READ I HATE MY CHILD IT'S PEAK AND IF YOU READ IT YOU WILL GET A BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND OR THEYSLASHTHEMFRIEND
Arre: Right. Onto our next contestant… (looks at her script) …oh, that's it. I guess nobody wanted to sign up for the competition.
Johnny: They're just a bunch of little chickens! Cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep!!
Arre: Thank you very much for your comment, Johnny from the cult classic 2003 film . As for the rest of you, leave your stupid comments in your pocket, as the ball-licking competition is ABOUT TO COMMENCE!!
[More cheering from the crowd is heard before a voice is heard, yelling "HOLD IT!!" and silencing everyone. The camera pans over to reveal Paige.]
Arre: Um… okay, fine, I guess we have room for one more. Give it up for the surprise contestant, SpongeBot678!!
[The crowd starts cheering again before Paige silences them again.]
SpongeBot678: No, no, not me!! My dog.
[Oscar walks into view from behind her.]
SpongeBot678 (whispering to him): I don't know how the fuck you convinced me to agree to this, but–
Arre: Okay, fine, we can sign your dog up too. That makes it four.
SpongeBot678: WAIT! I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR IT! I SIGNED MY DOG UP FOR IT - as much as I didn't want to - BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WANT TO DO IT TOO!! YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, ARRE!!
Arre: But then we'll have three contestants and, you know, I really hate odd numbers. Fuckin' hate 'em. So much. Buncha little bitches, that's what they are, thinking they're so special–
Aaron (from the crowd): If she won't sign up for it, I will.
Arre: Oh thank God. That brings our total up to a nice even four. Contestants, take your places.
[Oscar and Aaron come up onto the Town Hall and sit down on chairs, as do Bulbo and Zoltan.]
Arre: Now, please, start the competition as I go and shoot myself.
[Arre leaves as the contestants begin attempting to lick their own balls to various degrees of success. Bulbo Kong attempts to reach his head down to his nuts, but is not flexible enough to reach his crotch region.]
Bulbo Kong: GRRRRRRAAAHHHHH!!! Bulbo should have consulted Chiropractor Kong before competition.
Zoltan: haha loeser
[Zoltan licks his crotch before realizing it is completely smooth.]
Zoltan: oh right i have no penis and or ballsack
Bulbo Kong: Wanna make out?
Zoltan: ok
[Bulbo and Zoltan kiss each other passionately as the camera pans over to Oscar and Aaron, who are both machine gun rapid fire licking their own ballsacks. This goes on for a few more seconds before a buzzer is heard.]
Arre: It's… a tie, I think. Oscar and Aaron both win.
[The crowd begins to boo.]
Liz: Bruh, ties are boring as SHIT.
Vanessa: There can't be two goats at licking their own balls fr…
Aaron: AUGHctually, I trust that you will find that, much like in the 2020 election, I won this competition by a LOT.
Oscar: Arf arf woof.
Aaron: You did what with my mother?
Oscar: Woof woof bark.
Aaron: Oh? Yes, indeed?
Oscar: Bark woof bark arf woof.
Aaron: Hm… well, I'm more of a cow person, but how's tomorrow night sound, sweetie?
[Paige storms onto the "stage".]
SpongeBot678: NO! YOU ARE NOT HAVING SEX WITH MY DOG.
Aaron: 🎵 There's sooooooo much paaaiinnnn…
SpongeBot678: Come on, Oscar. You had your chance, you didn't win. That's life. Let's go home.
Oscar: Arf.
SpongeBot678: I'm sorry?
Oscar: Woof woof bark arf woof.
SpongeBot678: "There can't be two GOATS–" oh, shut up, Oscar! You're not even supposed to have balls right now– HOW DID YOU GET THEM ANYWAY??
Oscar: Woof.
SpongeBot678: "The ball store"? Oh, fuck you.
[A -esque transition jingle plays. Cut to SBFW Street where we see Peter Griffin and Brian Griffin standing by the sidewalk.]
Peter Griffin: I tell you what, Brian. Isn't it kinda wacky that we were basically main characters in a show that didn't even have anything to do with Family Guy?
Brian Griffin: We're an important part of the wiki's culture, Peter. Who knows? It probably wouldn't be the same place we know if our show didn't exist.
[Brian begins to cross the road and is hit by a car.]
Peter Griffin (unemotionally): Oh nooo, Brian's dead.
[Oscar walks on screen, being walked by Paige, and he sniffs Brian's corpse before licking his anus.]
Peter Griffin (to the audience): Dogs.
SpongeBot678: Hello, Peter Griffin from the hit adult animated show Family Guy.
Peter Griffin: Oh, hey SpongeBot678 from the hit SpongeBob Fanon Wiki userfic The World of SBF–
[Peter is shot in the head and dies.]
SpongeBot678: Okay, Oscar, now that both of 's babygirls are dead–
[Stewie Griffin runs on screen.]
Stewie Griffin: Oh, don't forget me!
[Stewie is hit by a brick and he dies on the spot.]
SpongeBot678: …so what was it you wanted again, Oscar?
Oscar: bark bark
[Zoom out to show a Ball Gym. Paige drops the leash onto the floor.]
SpongeBot678: ALRIGHT, I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE!! IT'S NOT EVEN THE HALFWAY POINT OF THE EPISODE AND I'M ALREADY PISSED! I REFUSE TO INDULGE IN AN EPISODE PLOT REVOLVING AROUND MY OWN DOG – WHO DOESN'T EVEN HAVE BALLS – BECOME A BALL-LICKER BECAUSE OF SOME DUMB IN-JOKE ON THE DISCORD SERVER. IF ANYONE NEEDS ME, I'LL BE LOOKING AT IDENTS IN MY ROOM, BUT I WON'T BE HAPPY ABOUT IT!!
[Paige begins to storm off, but pauses before looking at the camera.]
SpongeBot678: I will be very happy about it.
[She actually storms off as Oscar walks into the Ball Gym. The camera pans over to the Banana Studios Headquarters, looking particularly deserted and run-down. We zoom into the building before fading to the basement/bunker of the building, as seen in The World of SBFW season 2 episodes "Musical Mishaps" and the aforementioned "The Nightmare Zoltan Next Door". Once again, the bunker looks particularly empty and dusty – thanks in part due to a particular lack of Golfpecks to run the place – and we see his secretary, Garfield, sweeping the floor.]
Garfield: I hate this job, and I hate that stupid contract. Honestly, why should I still have to be working while my boss is having gay sex with a megalomaniac terrorist in outer space? Boy, do I regret signing up for this company for the sole fact that it had "Banana" in its name–
[He bumps into a drawer, which falls to the ground and spills some folders.]
Garfield: Ugh, great, more shit for me to– (he looks at the folders) …huh? What's this? "Scrapped episodes"? "Episode ideas"? Meh, probably some boring Banana junk or whatever– (he looks through some more) –hold on a second… "The World of SBFW Season 3"? "The World of SBFW Movie"? "Kirkburn Saga"?? What the hell is all this stuff? This has gotta be like… "nuclear launch codes" level of important! Someone has GYATT to see this.
[He runs off screen. Zoom out a couple hundred kilometers (or a couple dozen miles for the ) or so to show a giant spaceship looming over the World of SBFW, with a giant "FANDOM" sticker slapped across it. Inside, we see Kirkburn observing the planet.]
Kirkburn: …yup, that sure is a planet alright. (he presses and holds a button) Send in Kitten Sigma.
[An elevator shaft in the back promptly brings Golfpecks256 up to the scene.]
Golfpecks256: Eeyup?
Kirkburn: I think it's about time we commenced Operation Baleful Behemoth of a Blast. (he turns to the camera) B3 for short.
Golfpecks256: (gasp) You mean…
Kirkburn: Yes, Golf. I've observed those guys for quite some time now, and they haven't changed in the slightest since the last time I was there. In fact, they're even worse!
[He pulls up a script with a title reading, in big bold letters, "MR. KRABS FUCKS CORPSES, accompanied by an image of Mr. Krabs having sex with a corpse on the cover.]
Kirkburn: I mean, just look at this!
Golfpecks256: I completely understand what you mean. Those buffoons are defacing the images of beloved children's characters by incorporating them in scenarios involving their sick and cruel fantasies–
Kirkburn: What? No, I'm talking about (he places his finger on Mr. Krabs's penis) this! I know it's a drawing, but it's bigger than mine!! Everyone knows I have the biggest penis in the galaxy!
Golfpecks256: I suppose if you were to compare it to a rodent's, it would be.
Kirkburn: What?
Golfpecks256: I– I mean, yes! Yes, honey, you are very well-endowed.
Kirkburn: (wipes a tear) My wife never told me that… anyways, now you can see they must be exterminated. Do you have the documents?
Golfpecks256: Documents?
Kirkburn: Yes, the documents. You know, the ones we need to initiate nuclear warfare so we can take over the place? The ones with all the coordinates and battle plans and stuff?
Golfpecks256: Why, yes, I've got them right about… 
[He reaches into his pocket, but he only grabs a pin-up image of in a skimpy bikini.]
Golfpecks256 (blushing): Good heavens, how did that get there??
Kirkburn: …you don't have them, do you?
Golfpecks256: It appears not. I must have left them in the ol' Banana Studio back in… (sigh) SBFW.
[Kirkburn places his head into his hands, letting out an exasperated groan.]
Kirkburn: I'm not mad, just very disappointed. (he takes some deep breaths) It's okay, we can just improvise. But know this means no roleplay kitten poopy time later.
Golfpecks256: Oh, and I was looking forward to being the Impostor this time around!
[Kirkburn inputs a pin number (9201813, for those who care) into a keypad, which makes a big red button encased in glass emerge from the cockpit. He opens the glass cage and prepares to press the button.]
Kirkburn: This is it. No turning back now.
Golfpecks256: You say this like we'll regret our decision.
Kirkburn: Good point.
[He presses the button, and a siren goes off. The spaceship launches a giant yellow ballistic missile, which heads straight towards the World of SBFW. Back on the planet, we see a whole bunch of users having drinks in the lobby of the SBFW Crib. Prim rolls a robot that looks conspicuously like into frame.]
Prim: Alright, guys, I've really outdone myself this time.
Liz: What is it? Another commission?
Prim: Okay, listen, that was a one-time thing–
Anya: Two.
Prim: Two-time thing, but that's besides the point. I got this new bot, his name's "pooped mysefl".
Vanessa: But I thought you had erectile dysfunction, not fecal incontinence.
[Prim turns pooped mysefl on.]
pooped mysefl: [RACIAL SLUR]
Prim: …he's still in the beta phases.
[CrazySponge walks in.]
CrazySponge: hey guys, there's a–
Dan: NO ONE ASKED, CRAZYSPONGE!!
Liz: Aren't you supposed to be hitting on right now?
Prim: It's not Saturday.
Vanessa: Eh, let him speak.
CrazySponge: there's a cool thing on the tv i think you guys might wanna see it
Vanessa: Nevermind, it's probably more of his nerd shit.
[CrazySponge turns on the TV and it shows an Elmo News broadcast, with Super Grover as the reporter, and on the screen behind him, live footage of the sky showing a glowing light very slowly descending onto the world.]
Super Grover: Breaking news! Donald Trump announces that he will be running in the upcoming 2024 presidential election! We urge all of our viewers to cast a vote for him, maybe even two for good measure. Oh, yeah, and there's a mysterious light descending onto the world. Now, my personal opinion is that has finally come upon us, and all of The World of SBFW as we know it is going to pay for its unforgivable sins against the Kingdom of God, including, but not limited to, rampant sexual degeneracy, , going against the terms set out by the tyrannical ruler of the galaxy we reside in, getting my order wrong this morning–
[Vanessa shuts off the television.]
Vanessa: They're just making up a hot pile of bullshit so people will watch them, that's what they're doing. I'll have to give Paige a word about this. There's no way you actually believe that nonsense, CrazySponge.
CrazySponge: but that descending light is real! i saw it with my own eyes!
Liz: That's what we call the , CrazySponge.
SeemsGood: Yeah, probably just a slow news day, that's all.
Liz: Since when were you here?
SeemsGood: Season 1 Episode 2, War of the Nincompoops.
Dan: Awesome, more people for me to groom!
Vanessa: Say, where is Paige, anyway? Haven't seen her all day.
Anya: Probably searching for some more Nick Jr. idents or doing some other wacky things with her wacky family.
Vanessa: Well, I gotta talk to her. Elmo News has fallen off, almost worse than Zoltan, and I can't stand this unproductive drivel being transmitted on her network.
[Vanessa leaves the Crib and glances at the sky. They do a double-take upon seeing that the light is indeed real.]
Vanessa: …sweet mother of Conner Malarky.
[Cut back to SpongeBot678's family's residence, where she is currently walking back to. She reaches the door and tries to open it, but sees that it is locked.]
SpongeBot678: God, I really need to get my own keys.
[She rings the doorbell. Robert opens it.]
Beardy Dad: Ah, my daughter, welcome. I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon.
SpongeBot678: Yeah, yeah. Not really in the mood today.
Beardy Dad: Well damn, what's got your panties in a twist?
SpongeBot678: I really don't wanna talk about it. It's been a long day.
[She begins to walk inside.]
Beardy Dad: Oh, by the way, where's Oscar? I thought you went to take him for a walk.
[She stops.]
SpongeBot678: …that's the thing.
Beardy Dad: Paige?? What happened to our dog??
SpongeBot678: Oh, nothing happened to him, it's just… I–I don't even know what's happening. He has balls again—
Beardy Dad: Didn't we chop them off?
SpongeBot678: Yes, that's why I'm confused. And for some reason he's obsessed with licking them, and he wants to be, like, the best at licking them, and he's training at a "ball gym" and—
Beardy Dad: Ah, so you're just mentally insane. Y'know what? Just go inside and do whatever it is you do. Your ol' man will handle this.
[Paige walks in as Robert goes out in a determined strut, calling for Oscar.]
Beardy Dad: Ooooscaaaar? Oscar, boy, where are you?
[He glances at the sky and, much like Vanessa before him, double-takes and stares at the descending light. Long pause.]
Beardy Dad: …Paige? You miiiiiiiiight wanna take a look at this.
[Cut to SBFW Street, now a post-apocalyptic wasteland. The deep yellow sky looms over collapsed buildings, scattered rubble, and flames. Screams and sirens pierce the air as leather-clad users loot and vandalize the crumbling structures. Among the thieves is Mr. Poo, now rocking a mohawk, who is stealing from the local toilet store. NotJoe walks by as the chaos unfolds in the background, holding a megaphone as they yell into it.]
NotJoe: THE DIMENSIONAL MERGE IS HAPPENING AND GOING ON AS WE SPEAK!! OUR VERY OWN 1218 IS ABOUT TO MERGE WITH THE GLORIOUS C-197! DON'T BOTHER HIDING YOUR KIDS, OR HIDING YOUR WIFE, BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO AFFECT US ALL!
Zoltan: notjoel when di yu becim chris tian
[A television falls from the sky and turns on, once again showing a broadcast of Elmo News with Super Grover as the host. This time the studio is noticeably wrecked, with Super Grover decked in far-right tattoos and gunning down intruders while the live feed shows the current carnage in the streets.]
Super Grover: BREAKING NEWS! THE WORLD OF SBFW'S SOCIETY HAS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BROKEN DOWN BECAUSE OF THE IMPENDING NUCLEAR DISASTER!! IT'S EVERY MAN, WOMAN, AND THEY/THEM FOR THEMSELVES!
[Super Grover throws a grenade off-screen, which blows up, shortly interrupting the signal and presumably killing a few people.]
Super Grover: As for me, I've already sacrificed my wife, children, and various civilians to Our Great Daddy in the sky, and I urge all of our viewers to do the same so that you, too, can be one with Him in the next life once the Day of Reckoning is over!
[The television signal is interrupted. Pan over to the Box Productions building. Its once pristine cardboard walls are now decorated in graffiti and ashes, with various leather-clad users trying to break in. CrazySponge comes in driving his , running over several of the savages. He and Existant exit the car and nonchalantly make their way inside the building.]
Existant: Boy, thanks for taking me to that new Femboy that just opened up in the midst of this societal breakdown because of the impending missile disaster, CrazySponge.
CrazySponge: dont mention it my broski, its the best in times like these. everything is free and the waiters even bite!
[Cut to inside the Box Productions building. Yvonne, Prim, Dan, Anya, and CartoonGuy are on the top-most floor, wearing leather clothing and shooting the rebels outside. CrazySponge and Existant walk in.]
CrazySponge: TRESPASSERS!
Existant: Calm down, Aidan! They're our friends.
Anya: Oh hi Aidan.
Prim: Yeah. And, uhh… Level, right?
Existant: Existant.
Prim: Right, I knew that.
Yvonne: Shut up. 
CartoonGuy277: Hey Crazy, Lev- err, Existant. (he grabs a molotov cocktail and throws it at the rebels, blowing several of them up) How ya guys doing?
CrazySponge: gee, you guys are really killing those… rebel guys
CartoonGuy277: I have quite a bit of experience murdering people.
Existant: I'm not gonna question that.
Yvonne: We had to use some of your weapons.
CrazySponge: YOU WHAT
Dan: Yeah. I even had to borrow your dildos.
CrazySponge: i- 
Dan: Not for the reasons you're thinking of, you degenerate green fool. The other guys took all the weapons, so I had to make do with what was available.
Prim: Why do you have dildos anyway, Aidan?
CrazySponge: preservation. i mean, why else would i have dildos in my building? its not like im gay or anything
Existant: Say, how did society completely break down because of the incoming missile in the span of like 10 minutes?
Primitive: Beats me.
CartoonGuy277: you literally wrote the fucking episode pussycat how do you not know 
Yvonne: We think it has something to do with [PRIMITIVESPONGE129 RECYCLING A SPIN-OFF KINGS SCRIPT IN ORDER TO PAD OUT THE LENGTH OF THIS EPISODE].
Existant: Huh. Remind me to never underestimate the [UTTER LAZINESS OF A WRITER TRYING TO GET THIS EPISODE OUT BY THE END OF THE YEAR].
CrazySponge: cant i at least work on the cure?
Prim: The cure? To the missile coming to kill us all? Yeah, sorry mate, there's no cure. We're all gonna die, either to the terrorism outside or the missile later.
CrazySponge: but i cant die, remember? i could probably do something to get rid of the missile, like… i bet i could persuade it to NOT kill us. im an expert persuader.
CartoonGuy277: Well, feel free to go and try your luck.
CrazySponge: i think i will 
[He jumps out the window. The rest of the survivors look at each other.]
Existant: So… how long do you guys think we're gonna last?
Dan: I know I'll survive until the blast. No one messes with the GOAT YvngDanny, on GOD.
CartoonGuy277: Yeah, in my time in the , I've gone through much worse than this. I've got faith.
Yvonne: I've learnt how to survive in situations like these thanks to Cult of Squid. We'll live.
[A grenade is thrown through the window. Long pause.]
Prim: How about I just write us back in later?
Anya: Good call.
[Cut to CrazySponge fending for himself in the streets. He's badly injured from the beatdowns the rebels have been giving him, but he's not dead. He looks up to the missile slowly approaching in the sky.]
CrazySponge: hey, you better cut that out!
[No response.]
CrazySponge: i mean it! youre… uh… youre gonna regret it!
[No response.]
CrazySponge: ugh, its no use. i wish some hot furry with abs could just come along and stop it
[Pan over to the Ball Gym. Oscar walks out covered in sweat, walking on two legs, and incredibly buff and massive. He wipes his forehead before walking down the street. He looks at the sky and pauses upon seeing the missile, squinting his eyes determinedly. He bursts through the wall of a neighboring hat store, after which we hear fighting sounds and a -esque scream. Oscar exits the store with a fedora in his hand, which he puts on his head, as he valiantly runs into an alleyway. He comes across and rummages through a dumpster, throwing out various trash objects such as a rubber duck, a Posies album (which Aaron swoops in and takes), a fish bowl (which he puts on his head) and PoopFan69, before eventually taking out a launch pad. He deploys it onto the ground and jumps on it, launching him into the air, and eventually into outer space. He lands on top of the FANDOM spaceship from before. We cut inside said spaceship, where Kirkburn and Golfpecks are very passionately making out, with Persuasion by Throbbing Gristle playing from the ship's intercom as they do (as per suggestion from Vanessa. Thanks.), before some thumping sounds are heard from outside, interrupting their kissing. Eventually, Oscar breaks through the roof of the spaceship, triggering various alarms as the music is shut off and objects are sucked into the vacuum. There is no sound, because of said vacuum, so instead, plays as background music while we see the chaos unfold. Oscar, safe from the lack of breathable air due to the fish bowl he put on his head, floats over to Kirkburn and Golfpecks, helplessly screaming and gasping for air, but held down by their seatbelts. Oscar unbuckles Golfpecks from his seat, before slamming him against the wall of the spaceship and beating his face in. Blood and teeth fly off of Golf's face as Oscar pummels him, but it's not seen for very long as it flies into the hole in the roof. After Golfpecks is knocked unconscious, Oscar rips his head off of his body, but holds onto the head as he floats back to Kirkburn, who is still struggling for air in his seat. Golf's lifeless body flies into the hole, never to be seen again. Oscar holds Golf's head in front of Kirkburn, who screams in a mixture of agony and distress - which, again, cannot be heard. Slowly, however, Kirkburn's screams turn into laughter as his face contorts into one of deranged pleasure. Oscar looks quizzically at him before Kirkburn, still laughing, points at the missile heading towards The World of SBFW, mouthing "it's too late" before finally blacking out. Oscar throws Golf's head at Kirkburn in frustration before unbuckling him and taking his seat, activating the spaceship and making it head towards the missile. We see the ship chase the missile as we eventually cut back to the World of SBFW. The sky is turning yellow and the missile can be heard getting closer. All the residents of the World of SBFW, users and characters alike, are gathered together on SBFW Street, watching the missile get closer.]
Dan: So… this is it, huh? This is how we all die?
Liz: I never thought it would end this way.
Vanessa: I did. It makes sense for us to die to some bullshit, to be honest.
CartoonGuy277: Is there anything we can do?
NeverNova: Not this time, I don't think.
Liz: …okay, where did you come from?
NeverNova: What, is this a bad time?
Anya: I mean, the world is about to end. In that sense, I suppose it is a bad time.
Joel: Ohhh, that's why we're all here.
SeemsGood: What did you think was happening?
Joel: I dunno, something funny.
[They all look back at the missile.]
NotJoe: Sure is getting closer.
Pluto: You can say that again, mate.
NotJoe: Sure is getting clo–
Pluto: Okay, I didn't mean it.
Granite: You know, I sure am gonna miss a lot of things around here. Funny how you really take a lot of things for granted in life, and you don't really stop to appreciate all that you have before you're about to lose it.
Pluto: THAT you can say that again.
Granite: …you really take a lot of things for gra–
Pluto: Okay, again, didn't mean it. But I do agree. You do only live once.
Liz: Unless you're CrazySponge.
Dan: He doesn't count. He's a little bitchboy.
CrazySponge: I CAN'T DIE YET! I HAVE A LOT OF THINGS ON MY BUCKET LIST I STILL HAVE TO DO! LIKE… LIKE GETTING A GIRLFRIEND! I CAN'T DIE WITHOUT GETTING A GIRLFRIEND!
Vanessa: Aidan dont you think itd be worth more to have a nice, relaxing, peaceful final moment with all your friends in this community that you've grown up with rather than focusing on your own wants and desires? Especially considering the fate we're all about to meet
[Pause.]
CrazySponge: (sigh) youre probably right
Liz: By the way, has anyone seen Paige? Funny how everyone is here except for her.
Vanessa: Been looking for her all day, but no banana.
Liz: Yeah, but I'm asking about Paige, not Golfpecks.
[Paige finally shows up.]
SpongeBot678: Ugh, today's just been getting worse and worse. My dog's been acting weird again, I get news that Elmo News is being a sack of balls, we're all about to fucking die from a missile strike… and I couldn't find any more Nick Jr. idents!
Ace: One of those sounds a lot worse than the others.
SpongeBot678: I know, right? I mean, really, failing to find idents is a fate worse tha–
[As the following lines are said, the missile can be heard getting closer and louder, with the screen shaking more and more violently.]
Prim: You know, we might only have mere minutes left in our lives, but I'm glad I'm spending these last few minutes with all of you. Even though we had a literal apocalypse mere moments ago, I couldn't ask for a better group of no-lifes to spend the rest of my no-life with. At the end of the day, the sun's still shining.
Liz: And the commercialism is still commercial.
Anya: 's cock is still throbbing.
SpongeBot678: The lost media is still lost.
Dan: Amogus is STILL sus.
Zoltan: i still dont have a boyfriens :(
Pluto: I'm still .
Peter Griffin: I'm still funny.
SpongeBot678: You're still alive?
Skittles: I'm still dead.
Daffy Duck: The age of conthent ith thtill dethpicable.
pooped mysefl: I'm trans now.
Goose: Honk (I'm still not a pedophile)
Aaron: Vorers are still voring.
Vanessa: And we're all still augh so full.
Prim: 🎵 And whatever happens next, I'm glad I'm here with— 🎵
[Just as the missile is about to hit the earth, with the FANDOM ship still following close behind, Oscar gets out and jumps on top of the missile, wrapping both of his arms around it and pulling it upwards. It's a slow curve up - the crowd has to quickly spread apart so they don't hit the missile - and it starts heading through the city, with Oscar steering it away from various buildings. He eventually redirects it upwards so that it faces towards the sky and starts travelling upwards - whereupon it is revealed that…]
CrazySponge: hi
[...CrazySponge was the sole person hit by the missile when it went through the crowd, and he is currently clutching onto the tip of it. As the missile travels upwards, Oscar is about to jump off but, upon locking eyes with CrazySponge, hesitates before climbing up to where he is. After reaching the top of the missile, Oscar holds CrazySponge princess-style as he jumps off the missile and skydives back to the ground. Oscar whips out a glider and safely gets himself and CrazySponge down to the ground. Everyone else runs to where Oscar and CrazySponge are, with SpongeBot678 being at the very front of the crowd.]
Vanessa: Paige, isn't that your–
Dan: Pet cat Mittens.
Anya: WOW.
Aaron: WOW. [2]
Beardy Dad: Gee, Paige. Oscar looks a bit different. Your mom get him a new haircut?
SpongeBot678: What… what is even happening?
Beardy Dad: What do you—
SpongeBot678: No, I'm not done. This day has just been fucking weird. From top to bottom. Absolutely NOTHING today has made even the slightest bit of sense. Y–you know what? I'm done. I–I'm done, I'm not even gonna try to play along with anything anymore. I'm out. It's been a long day. Good fucking night, everyone.
[Paige walks off.]
Liz: I mean, she does have a point. What even happened to that entire apocalypse sub-plot?
CartoonGuy277: You weren't even in it.
Existant: So… we're not all gonna die a horrible and painful death?
Yvonne: Suppose not.
Beardy Dad: Well, everyone, my daughter's right.
Vanessa: In saying that today was a weird ass day?
Beardy Dad: No, in saying it's been a long day! It's late, and Beardy Dad needs his beardy sleep.
[Beardy Dad walks off.]
Vanessa: The man's right. We need rest. Tomorrow's another day.
Dan: Good fucking yard.
Yvonne: Poopfellow.
[Vanessa and Dan and Yvonne walk off.]
NotJoe: Whatever our struggles and triumphs, however we may suffer them, all too soon they bleed into a wash, just like watery ink on paper.
Zoltan: ok nacho lets get u 2 bed
[NotJoe and Zoltan walk off.]
Granite: All of that and the missile didn't even strike us? We were all together for once, no conflict or degeneracy or anything, just so that nothing could happen? That powerful speech I delivered just so we could move right along? Hell, I kinda wish we actually did die, just so all of that sentiment wasn't for naught. And furthermore–
SeemsGood: Oh, boo-hoo, you only got a handful of lines in the actual show! At least you weren't an off-hand mention in one episode which was simply a reference to another show that one of the creators worked on.
NeverNova: You guys were in the actual show?
[The three of them walk off.]
CartoonGuy277: .
Pluto: You can say that again.
CartoonGuy277: All's well that–
Pluto: I didn't mea– you stinkfellows never learn, do you?
Liz: It has been a long day.
Aaron: Anyone wanna music.
Liz: Nobody wants to–
Pluto: Sure.
Liz: Well, I stand corrected.
[They all walk off.]
Forest: Alright, rest of us unimportant side-characters. Let's go.
[Everyone else in the crowd walks off, leaving just Anya, Prim, and CrazySponge, who look at the night sky. Anya looks at the two.]
Anya: So, like… same time tomorrow, you guys?
Prim: Wouldn't have it any other way.
[Anya begins to walk off.]
Prim: Oh, and Anya?
[She stops.]
Anya: Yeah?
Prim: I just wanna say thanks. I may not have gotten to do everything I wanted to do with our show, but I just want you to know that it has been a great three years. Couldn't have asked for anyone better to write a show on SBFW with.
[Anya nods with a smile, and walks off. Prim turns to look at CrazySponge, still looking at the sky. Prim pats him on the back, which brings him back to his senses.]
Prim: Better head on back, old buddy. Those won't whip themselves.
[Prim walks off, leaving CrazySponge alone. After a long pause, he looks at the screen.]
CrazySponge: well, that sure was a world of sbfw
[He, too, walks off. The camera tilts upward. We see the night sky as the missile detonates high above, blooming into a fiery burst reminiscent of a colossal firework.]
Narrator (voiceover): Most everybody's asleep in the World of SBFW. There are a few lights on: Mr. Poo, down at the depot, has just watched his daily dose of pornography. And at the SBFW Crib somebody's staying up late and talking. Yes, it's clearing up. There are the stars doing their old, old crisscross journeys in the sky. Scholars haven't settled the matter yet, but they seem to think there are no living beings up there. Just chalk… or fire. Only this one is straining away, straining away all the time to make something of itself. The strain's so bad that every sixteen hours everybody lies down and gets a rest.
[The screen slowly starts fading to black.]
Narrator (voiceover): Hm… Eleven o'clock in the World of SBFW. You get a good rest, too. Good night.
[The screen is completely black. White text fades in at the center, reading "Thank you for reading The World of SBFW". Soon, the text fades away and the episode ends.]
==Stinger==
[We see SpongeBot678 sleeping in her bedroom as the sun rises outside. The doorbell rings, stirring her from sleep. Still groggy, she slowly gets out of bed and heads downstairs. At the front door, Oscar, still incredibly muscular, bursts through the door outside, barking excitedly. He returns inside carrying an envelope, which he opens and gives to SpongeBot678. She takes it from Oscar and scans it quickly before looking up in confusion.]
SpongeBot678: What the hell is "SBFW College 3"?
[The episode actually ends.]
Category:2023
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Category:The World of SBFW
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