Ratatoing Review

Bob: Well, people... this is it. Time for me to review the one movie that I've gotten the most requests to review. The one movie which people say may be the worst thing that Video Brinquedo has to offer. And how fitting that it's also the very last word on the "Chop Kick Panda and Friends" DVD. Today we're going to review... "Ratatoing". *voiceover* We've seen some ridiculous titles so far, but "Ratatoing"? Really? OK, so this movie features a restaurant that has that name because it's run by a rat who happens to be named Marcel Toing, but... you're really gonna struggle like that to justify using a completely made-up word? Why not just name the movie after Ray T. Tooey or something? After a somewhat lengthy title sequence that shows off how not-embarrassed any of these filmmakers are to be attached to this movie...
Bob: Yeah, this is the one they're apparently proud of. *voiceover, sarcastic* The movie begins in the same setting that "Ratatouille" is set in: Paris, France. You can tell it's Paris because the Eiffel Tower here. 
A cursor points to the Christ the Redeemer statue atop Corcovado Mountain, overlooking the city of Rio de Janeiro. 
Bob: *voiceover* We open on a bunch of rats who enjoying the finest cuisine in the finest restaurant in town: the famous Ratatoing. And they talk about how they're enjoying it for nearly ten. Minutes. Straight. Seriously. If you don't include the credits, this movie is forty minutes long, and an entire quarter of the movie is devoted to seeing a bunch of extras talk about how awesome the food is. 
Rat with glasses: I must say, that smells delicious!
Carol: Did you have any doubt, sir?
Female Rat #1: There's no doubt about that here. Their food is always guaranteed to be delicious!
Maria: It's divine! Don't you agree, Oscar? 
Oscar: Yes, Maria, just divine.
Female Rat #2: Everyone knows this is a great restaurant. 
Maria: I believe there are some dishes we can only find at the Ratatoing!
Rat with glasses: I've always heard wonderful things about this restaurant, and the raves are consistent!
Female Rat #1: Everyone we heard from said the food is great at Ratatoing!
Bob: *voiceover* OK, we get it. The food is good. Can we please move forward?
Bob: I never thought I'd be saying this, but show them how it's done, Steve Odekerk.
Cut to a clip from "Thumbtanic", where everyone talks about how big and impressive the titular ship is.
Bob: *voiceover* This movie wants to tell us how big and impressive the Thumbtanic is, and it does so in a matter of seconds. 
Bob: That's right, I just cited "Thumbtanic" as a superior demonstration of film language. That's what this movie is driving me to! *voiceover* While they prattle on about how great the restaurant is, we can't help but notice one little thing about the animation: it's terrible! I know that sounds redundant with all the garbage we've seen so far, but really, look at it! Every rat is the exact same model but with different colors, hairstyles, and accessories, their fingers are always splayed out, their eyes are just little dots that you can't get any acting or emotion out of, I have no idea what's going on with their snouts, and then the mouth animation is atrocious. 
Bob: *moves his mouth the same way the characters do* Because this is how your lips move when you speak, right? *voiceover* Oh, and check this out, this restaurant is so awesome that it's always a full house every night, and it seems that chef Marcel Toing here is the only chef on the staff. Wow, you guys are really that lazy, huh? Now, I'm fully aware that these filmmakers can't see the movies that they're ripping off before they make their own movies, since the idea is to put them out on DVD as soon as the real movies are released in theaters. With that in mind, it can be forgiven that these knockoffs have stories that vary wildly from the original movies.
Cut to a couple clips from Disney/Pixar's "Ratatouille".
Bob: *voiceover* Such as Remy going through the hardships of becoming a chef, while Marcel has already been a chef for quite some time now. But it seems that these filmmakers didn't even bother doing the research that would tell them that restaurants have several people working in a kitchen at all times. Hell, why would you even need to research that? Even five-year-olds waiting for their Happy Meals know that there's more than one person back there. And in spite of the wide variety of menu items available, chef Marcel apparently does all of his cooking out of one single tin can cauldron. 
Bob: *sarcastic* Take note, chefs of the world, piling every single ingredient that you have into a single stew is the best way to guarantee success. *voiceover, normal* The actual plot gets going with a couple of rival restauranteurs trying to figure out what makes Ratatoing so special. 
Oscar: Would you please tell me what you use in these recipes that makes everything so delicious? 
Waiter: Sir, as I tell everyone who asks, I'm just the waiter. I don't know the recipes.
Rat with moustache: Well, I'm sure you must know something. To know nothing of a topic is simply not possible. 
Female Rat #1: Please tell me, young man! What is the secret of the great flavor in every one of the dishes you prepare?
Marcel: All right, I'll tell you.
Maria: Now's our chance, now's our chance!
Female Rat #2: He's actually going to say i!
Category:Transcripts
Category:Worst Movies of All Time