Moonpig.com

moonpig.com is the twenty-second episode of The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show, the twelth episode of the second season and the season two finale. It was written by thatjess and released on May 13, 2022.
== Transcript ==
[Exterior shot of SpongeBob’s pineapple. Sikowitz and Gary 2 are inside lounging on the couch. Sikowitz is sipping on some coconut milk.]
Gary 2: That’s like the tenth coconut you’ve gone through this morning.
Sikowitz: They give me visions.
Gary 2: Huh. What kind of visions?
Sikowitz: …
Gary 2: I said “what kind of visions”?
Sikowitz: …you wouldn’t wanna know.
[SpongeBob’s conch phone starts ringing.]
Sikowitz: I’ll get it. (picks up phone) Hello? SquarePants and Pig residence, this is Erwin Sikowitz speaking.
Daddy Pig: (on phone) …who?
Sikowitz: …Sikowitz, your new roommate?
[Pause.]
Daddy Pig: (on phone) Oh.
Sikowitz: What’s the matter? You sound like you’ve just read the age of consent laws.
Daddy Pig: (on phone) I thought we told you to stop being a pedophile!
Sikowitz: Ugh, you’re no phone. But seriously what’s the matter?
[SpongeBob walks in.]
SpongeBob: Ugh, give me that.
[SpongeBob grabs the phone from Sikowitz.]
SpongeBob: Hello?
Daddy Pig: (on phone) Oh finally someone with some common sense. Hello SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Hi. What’s the matter?
Daddy Pig: (on phone) Well um… it’s kind of hard to explain but… I’m a bit stuck.
SpongeBob: (laughs) Oh don’t be silly. Stuck? Where?
[Cut to Daddy Pig on the fucking moon.]
Peppa Pig Narrator: Oh dear. Daddy Pig is stuck on the moon!
SpongeBob: (on phone) WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING ON THE MOON?!!!!!!!!
[laugh track]
Daddy Pig: Well I am a bit of an expert at getting stuck on the moon.
SpongeBob: You’re a bit of an expert at everything! How the flying FUCK did you get stuck on the moon?!
Daddy Pig: Well you see I WAS supposed to be building a house up here, I am a qualified structural engineer you know, but well… our rocket ship’s kind of, sort of… ran out of fuel.
Peppa Pig Narrator: Daddy Pig is a bit of a twat.
Daddy Pig: I AM NOT A TWAT!
[Cut back to SpongeBob’s pineapple.]
Sikowitz: What’s wrong?
SpongeBob: Daddy Pig’s, um… stuck on the moon.
Gary 2: WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING ON THE MOON?!!!!!!!!
[laugh track]
SpongeBob: That’s what I said!
Daddy Pig: (on phone) Listen, I don’t have much mobile data left.
SpongeBob: They have 5G towers in space?
Daddy Pig: (on phone) ‘Course not, I’m only running on 3G here. So, um… I know this is a bit embarrassing… but could you please come to rescue me?
SpongeBob: (sighs) I… I guess we’ll see what we can do. 
Daddy Pig: (on phone) Thank you so much, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Don’t worry about it. Stay safe.
[Cut back to the moon.]
Daddy Pig: I’ll try. (hangs up)
Mr. Bull: What happened? Are we gonna be rescued?
Daddy Pig: I… doubt it.
[Cut back to SpongeBob’s pineapple.]
Sikowitz: Is it just the coconut milk… or did I hear that Daddy Pig is stuck on the moon?!
SpongeBob: It’s not the coconut milk.
Sikowitz: Oh thank fuck. I mean… it’s terrible that Daddy Pig is stuck on the moon but- you know what I mean.
Gary 2: How the hell are we supposed to rescue Daddy Pig from the moon? I mean, we don’t have a rocket!
SpongeBob: No, but luckily for us I know someone who does!
[Bubble transition to Sandy’s treedome.]
Sandy: WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING ON THE MOON?!!!!!!!!
[laugh track]
Gary 2: That’s what we said!
SpongeBob: Look Sandy, I don’t know either but you’re the only person I know with a rocket. Could we… please maybe borrow it?
[Pause.]
Sandy: (sighs) I guess.
[Suddenly, Mummy Sheep bursts in.]
Mummy Sheep: I dropped everything and came here as soon as I heard.
Gary 2: Um… ma’am, your dress is on backwards.
Mummy Sheep: Oh, right. I was in the middle of filming an OnlyFans video with Mr. Krabs, sorry. ‘Course I had to pretend to be a corpse but, it’s what the people want I guess.
Peppa Pig Narrator: Mr. Krabs is a necrophile.
Sikowitz: Ew.
Mummy Sheep: You’re literally a paedophile you can’t judge anyone, you twat.
Sikowitz: Exactly! Dead people are WAY too old for me.
Sandy: You are a sad, strange little man.
Mummy Sheep: So are we going on a rescue mission or not?
Sandy: Oh right, I forgot about that part. I’ll just get my rocket.
SpongeBob: Um, where is your rocket anyway?
[Sandy grins and presses a button on the side of her treehouse. A downwards staircase in the floor opens up.]
Mummy Sheep: I thought Daddy Pig was up on the moon, not fucking down in the centre of the Earth!
Sandy: Do you want to rescue Daddy Pig or not?
Mummy Sheep: Okay, okay, I’m coming!
[The group starts walking down the staircase and enter an underground laboratory or sorts.]
SpongeBob: Wow Sandy! Your lab’s really changed since I was last here!
Sandy: (giggles) Oh it’s not my lab, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: It’s… not your lab?
Hash Brown: Sandra, what did I tell you about bringing random people down here?
Sikowitz: (screams) A HASH BROWN!
[Sikowitz slaps Hash Brown.]
Hash Brown: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?
Sikowitz: Sorry, I just… I just have a massive irrational phobia of fried potatoes.
SpongeBob: That’s kinda racist.
Sikowitz: Your mom was racist in bed last night.
Hash Brown: Okay, could someone please explain what’s going on?
SpongeBob: Oh my name is SpongeBob, I’m Sandy’s autistic friend. This my racist pet snail Gary 2, that’s my pedophile lodger Erwin Sikowitz, and over there is Mummy Sheep… and OnlyFans MILF.
Mummy Sheep: I’m having a May Day discount right now if you’re interested.
Hash Brown: Okay now I’m just more confused.
Sandy: It doesn’t matter, Hash Brown. Long story short - we have to go to the moon to save Daddy Pig.
[Pause.]
Hash Brown: I’m not even gonna question it, let’s go.
[The group resume walking.]
Mummy Sheep: So like… what even is this place?
Hash Brown: This, my weird acquaintances, is the home base for the Hash Brown Initiative. 
Gary 2: The what now?
Sandy: The Hash Brown Initiative.
Hash Brown: Yeah, I’m… not that good with names, heh. You see, since the… unfortunate passing of the real life Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, and the fall of the IJLSA… there’s been a gap in the crime-fighting vigilante market. So when I heard about the rise of PenisMan and Super Potato-
Mummy Sheep: -you decided to form the Poundland Avengers?
Hash Brown: Well… yeah, I decided to form the Poundland Avengers.
Sikowitz: Poundland? You mean like Disneyland?
Hash Brown: Sure. Sandra here is my gadgets gal.
Sandy: Please, it’s Sandy.
SpongeBob: Cool. Where are PenisMan and Super Potato anyway?
Hash Brown: PenisMan’s at school, only problem with having teenage superheroes. (groans)
Mummy Sheep: And Mr.- I mean, “Super Potato”?
Sandy: He’s waiting in line at the sex offender registry.
SpongeBob: Oh okay.
Hash Brown: So, do we have a Daddy Pig to save or what?
[Cut to Daddy Pig on the moon.]
Mr. Bull: …you know I hate when this happens.
Miss Rabbit: Hate when what happens?
Mr. Bull: You know… getting stuck on the moon.
Miss Rabbit: You sound like this kind of thing has happened to you before.
Mr. Bull: Well, not to me but I had a cousin who got stuck on Venus once.
[Daddy Pig starts unzipping his trousers.]
Mr. Bull: Woah woah woah, there are women here! Jesus Christ. If you wanna have a wank at home in your own time that’s fine but-
Miss Rabbit: Oh my God please don’t tell me you were gonna masturbate on the moon.
Peppa Pig Narrator: Daddy Pig is a bit of a pervert.
Daddy Pig: I am NOT a pervert!
Mr. Bull: You were about to masturbate on the moon!
Daddy Pig: My brother Uncle Pig masturbated to Minecraft porn once, don’t judge me okay?!
Miss Rabbit: Oh my God please save me from this nightmare.
[Cut to Sandy’s rocket flying through space.]
Peppa Pig Narrator: SpongeBob, Sandy and all of the other characters that I can’t be bothered to name are on their way to rescue Daddy Pig from the moon!
SpongeBob: Are we nearly there yet?
Sandy: For the last time, not yet SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Ugggghhhhhh. How long until we get there?
Hash Brown: We will get there when we get there.
Sikowitz: And when will we get there?
Sandy: I honestly don’t know, I haven’t flown this thing in around four years.
[The camera pans over to Gary 2 sitting on a flight seat watching Norbit.]
Gary 2: Um, excuse me? Could I get some mid-flight snacks please?
[He takes a bite out of Hash Brown.]
Gary 2: Thanks.
Hash Brown: Don’t mention it.
[Cut back to the moon.]
Daddy Pig: I spy with my little eye… something beginning with M.
Mr. Bull: Is it the moon?
Daddy Pig: OF COURSE IT’S THE FUCKING MOON, YOU PLONKER, THERE’S NOTHING ELSE OUT HERE!
[A spaceship can be seen in the distance.]
Daddy Pig: Heavens to Betsy! Is that-
Miss Rabbit: They came to rescue us after all!
[Cut to Sandy flying the rocket.]
SpongeBob: Sandy! Look!
Sandy: You know it’s amazing how in cartoons it only takes a couple minutes to fly to the moon.
Gary 2: For fuck’s sake! I haven’t finished Norbit yet!
[Sandy’s rocket slowly lands on the moon.]
Sandy: Easy does it… easy does-
[The rocket fucking falls to the ground.]
Sandy: …well that works too.
[The rocket’s doors open and the group slowly walk out as the 2001: A Space Odyssey theme plays.]
Sikowitz: Fuck! Sorry, my bad.
[Sikowitz takes his phone out and answers it. The music stops.]
Sikowitz: Hello? …no, I haven’t been in an accident that wasn’t my fault. …what do you mean I sound like I’m on the moon?
Daddy Pig: SpongeBob! Mummy Sheep! Other guys! You made it!
[Daddy Pig and Mummy Sheep embrace.]
Mummy Sheep: I missed you my little scrunkly.
Daddy Pig: Don’t fucking call me that ever again.
Mr. Bull: Um… who are you people?
Hash Brown: Oh, I’m Hash Brown, that’s SpongeBob who has autism, that’s his pet snail Gary 2-
Mr. Bull: You know what? I don’t care, let’s go.
Sandy: What’s that white gooey stuff floating around in the moon’s atmosphere?
Peppa Pig Narrator: Oh dear. It looks like Daddy Pig has masturbated on the moon.
Daddy Pig: WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT FOR? NAME ONE OTHER PERSON WHO CAN SAY THEY HAVE PLEASURED THEMSELVES ON THE BLOODY MOON!!!!
[Cut to the group flying home.]
Hash Brown: Ah, another mission accomplished for the Poundland Avengers.
SpongeBob: You’re really keeping that name?
Hash Brown: It has a nice ring to it.
Sandy: Shows less of your ego too.
Hash Brown: True. However, ratio + Linus.
Miss Rabbit: Who the bloody hell is Linus?
[Pan over to Mummy Sheep and Daddy Pig staring out the window together.]
Mummy Sheep: You know… this is nice.
Daddy Pig: Wh- What is?
Mummy Sheep: You know… space and stuff.
Daddy Pig: Oh.
[Pause.]
Mummy Sheep: You know, I was gonna save this for another occasion, but this view is just too good.
Daddy Pig: Pardon?
Mummy Sheep: Daddy Pig…
[Mummy Sheep kneels down on one knee and pulls out a ring.]
Mummy Sheep: Daddy Pig, will you marry me?
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