Nettie Machete/2.0 and Prior

Nettie Steele-Machete is a character role-played by netsirk.
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== Introduction ==
Known for her melodrama, Nettie is a former member of Emergency Medical Services who is prone to dragging others into her romantic misadventures in her free time. Her sweet and friendly exterior is just a façade as she's an incredibly mischievous woman who takes great joy in gas-lighting and emotionally tormenting her peers with her outlandish schemes and antics.
She's currently homeless and living out of a car after she deliberately burned her house down to spite her husband in the midst of an argument.
== Background ==
"Yeah, my siblings all died in a fire. Believe it or not, it was on Christmas. It was really unfortunate. My mom also died in that fire." - Nettie
Due to Nettie being a pathological liar, much of her backstory is a mystery as she lies so frequently about her past that she often forgets the truth.
Her place of birth, hometown, pets, and the status of her family are all constantly in flux as she usually makes up stories about them on the spot. Though, a common thread in many of her childhood stories typically involves her committing some form of arson and her family dying in a fire under various conditions.
Despite typically being dishonest about her past, Nettie has sparingly alluded to formerly being a detective; something which Travis Tribble, Jenny Hall, Jackie Snow, Reid Dankleaf, and Olivia Copper have also made passing references to on separate occasions.
== Personality ==
"Nettie, you are the most energetic sprite that I have ever worked with." - Mari Jones
At her best, Nettie is a bubbly and manic ball of chaos. At her worst, she's an incredibly toxic pessimist. Despite this, many know her as a sweet and kind member of the EMS due to her bedside manner from months of working to save lives throughout the city.
Nettie loves drama and is willing to go out of her way to cause it both directly and indirectly. She's been known to deliberately lie and start arguments for little more than her own amusement, particularly with her romantic partners. Until recently, the relative privacy of her relationships has kept this side of her personality hidden from the public eye.
Nettie exhibits many telltale signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder but her condition largely goes unnoticed due to people perceiving her as eccentric and cute. Many of her crueler jokes are actually genuine sentiments that fly under the radar. She has also implied on numerous occasions that she may have impulse control disorders such as kleptomania and pyromania. Since resigning from EMS, Nettie has become increasingly unstable and is now more receptive to violent solutions for mundane problems. 
Nettie is also a known enabler and frequently encourages delinquent and irresponsible behavior. She is especially dangerous when paired with impulsive or impressionable individuals. The most notable examples include: Agnes Ranbough, Wilhelmina Copperpot, Bree Matthews, Jordan Steele, Chips Ahoy, and Bailey Jade.
== Appearance ==
"Have you seen me? I'm an Albino." - Nettie
Nettie is a fair-skinned, blue-eyed woman who is most easily identifiable by her blonde mohawk and smudged mascara.
Nettie has a strong aversion to wearing clothing that she deems to be too revealing. She typically wears pants, boots, long-sleeve shirts, sweaters, and jackets. She also owns an unfitted tuxedo. Prior to a mix-up at the cleaners, she used to sport her favorite EMT jacket at all times while on duty as a medic - even after being promoted to the rank of Paramedic. 
After having a stint as a manager at Steele Family Parking, Nettie acquired a taste for wearing suits to non-formal occasions.
==Timeline of Events==
"I'd just like to say that my time here has been swell and I owe it all to E. E. Cummings... and Mountain Dew... and emotional turmoil. So just remember me as I once was, okay?" - Nettie
== Relationships ==
=== Reid Dankleaf ===
"Well, you used to be a detective-lady. What does your gut tell you?" - Reid
=== Tessa Lamb ===
"But I thought you were my Lamb Chop..." - Nettie
=== Tracy Martell ===
"Who else is going to be with you? Nobody knows you like I do. Nobody's crazy enough to be with you, you crazy bitch." - Tracy
=== Katherine 'KitKat' Kaspar ===
"So I just looked up the definition of an abusive relationship on Google, and that... uhhh... that ticks all the boxes." - KitKat`
=== Jerry Callow ===
"I did not have sexual relations with Chips' air conditioner, Nettie! I promise!" - Jerry
=== Jordan Steele ===
"Our love can melt steel beams!" - Jordan
== Friendships ==
=== Chips Ahoy ===
"Heya, Nettie! How've ya been?!" - Chips
=== Kayden Dell'Anno † ===
"Listen, whoever you are, Miss... 'Nettie Impostor'. I know that Nettie also died in the war so maybe we were both created in a factory somewhere. Either way, neither of us are who we say we are!" - Kayden
=== Mari Jones ===
"Listen, Mari would never teach me a wrong thing." - Nettie
=== Bailey Jade ===
"Nettie, no! We're not shooting anyone!" - Bailey
=== Kizzy Neveah ===
"Actually, I think the issue there was Brenda didn't want Amara and Amara was deluding herself." - Kizzy
 
=== Jessie Skid † ===
"You're a good egg, Jessie. I hope you've been staying safe." - Nettie
=== James 'Apples' Apeller ===
"We can't hurt Nettie, she's a friend!" - Apples
=== Wilhelmina Copperpot ===
"I didn't shoot cops, Nettie shot cops! Oh god, I'm freaking out man!" - Copperpot
===Thomas Dwayne===
"Nettie, I need you to listen closely: War." - Thomas
== Miscellaneous Relationships ==
"A lot of times people randomly come up and tell me that they love me. It's actually kind of annoying." - Nettie
== Hobbies ==
"Dammit Nettie, why can't you be normal? What ya need is to go get ya'self a hobby or somethin' instead of torturing these poor people with this nonsense." - Tribble
 
 
==Quotes==
* "Remember me as I once was."
* "I've been prepared to die for years."
* "I'm mostly alive, but partly dead."
* "I have negative friends."
* "I am many things..."
* "I'm the vest fairy!"
* "You see... the thing is..."
* "That's right, you did this."
* "Women will be the death of me."
* "Sir, have you seen me? I'm emo."
* "When are these people going to die already?!"
* "Dammit, I didn't have a death poem prepared!"
* "Eat the spider, Bree! Eat it, eaaaat it!"
* "Don't you ever, and I mean ever, waste E. E. Cummings on a stripper."
* "Don't worry, I haven't had somebody die under my care in ages. It's actually a bit disappointing."
* "What is love? I don't know either. I've been trying so hard to find it... Everywhere I've looked, everywhere I look! I've looked up, I've looked down, I've looked everywhere and in-between, and I can't find love! But, I want love to find me! Because I can't go looking for it anymore, I can't. I just can't do it. When it's time, it's time. When you know, you know. You know?"
== Trivia ==
* Nettie is a virgin. Although many in the city believe this to be a lie due her success in alluring both men and women.
* Nettie is a Gemini, though she claims to be a Pisces.
* Nettie used to own a Rhapsody, a Glendale, a Michelli GT, and a Faggio v3.
* Nettie owns a house on Imagination Court in the Vespucci Canals.
* Nettie claims that her blonde mohawk is genetic and that her hair grows that way.
* Due to Nettie's compulsive lying, it's often hard to discern whether or not she's telling the truth in a given situation. This habit was further compounded by her relationship with Jordan, where they both frequently lie to each other and take their lies at face value. This has often led to scenarios where Nettie inadvertently lies her way into believing her own lies.
* Despite owning a home in the Vespucci Canals, Nettie seldom sleeps there. She instead elected to live in the janitor's closet at Pillbox until the hospital staff changed the locks on her after she resigned.
* Nettie once had Sam McEntyre as a roommate but evicted her for acting too motherly by packing lunches and washing her laundry.
* Ever since her breakup with Kitkat, Nettie has sported a semi-permanent smudged mascara look. A side effect of crying to herself in the Pillbox janitor's closet every morning before starting her shift. Though she now claims that she doesn't wear mascara anymore and that the constant crying permanently pigmented her skin.
* Nettie has a strong distaste for vibrant and pastel hair colors which she deems unnatural. She often bullies people in an attempt to get them to change their hair color.
* Nettie may, or may not, recreationally abuse ketamine that's been pilfered from the hospital. Who's to say?
* After having her sternum crushed during a hit-and-run accident, Nettie no longer has ribs.
* Nettie first asked Tracy out on AOL instant messenger. Her AOL username was: Nettie123XL5.
* Nettie has a fatalistic sense of humor and frequently makes casual jokes regarding her own mortality to herself. A habit that regularly causes concern among those around her.
* Nettie slowly assimilated many of Tracy's personal idioms and catchphrases while they were dating.
* "Brakked", sometimes spelled "brak'd", is a slang-term for breakup which originates from Tracy. Its initial usage was cause for concern as Nettie wasn't sure what it meant, "-but it sure does sound bad."
* Nettie tends to find possessiveness incredibly attractive, particularly in individuals who she already has a crush on. This has led to her frequently pining for Tracy's jealous outbursts when they're apart.
* Tracy claims that Nettie's chest and butt are square and blocky, much like the 2009 video game Minecraft.
* The thought of openly expressing physical intimacy has caused her to flee from a conversation on several occasions.
* Despite being friends with most of the staff at Pillbox, Nettie has held a firm stance that her co-workers aren't family.
* Nettie has suffered several traumatic brain injuries over the years, the most severe being when she tripped over a barrier and fell 100ft into the lower Pillbox parking lot.
* Nettie is notoriously bad at remembering names. She frequently lists contacts in her phone under nicknames that she makes up on the spot, a practice that has come back to bite her on numerous occasions.
* Nettie has a collection of unclaimed teeth which she keeps on her person, just in case she ever needs a transplant due to the cavities she's gained from copious Mountain Dew consumption.
*Nettie would later claim that she crafted dentures out of her teeth collection after she'd lost all of her teeth to her Mountain Dew addiction while talking to Pogg Dan.
* In hopes of reducing the number of calls EMS gets flooded with, Nettie began donating body armor to the citizens of Los Santos and calling herself the "Vest Fairy". She eventually scrapped this initiative when she realized how expensive it'd become over time.
* After losing a $25,000 bet to "Dead Eye" Drew Harrison, Nettie developed a gambling addiction.
* Is a part of Lance Malton and Bree Matthews' band, Corpse Juice. Though they've never practiced, performed, or written a song.
* Believes she's 95% "immortal" after joining Gremlin's blood cult.
==2.0 Gallery==
"Sometimes I just look at the mirror and think, 'Woah." - Nettie
Nettie and Tessa.png|Nettie reunites with Tessa after having left the city for a year
Nettie Sasses Pillbox Workers.png|Nettie as an EMS trainee
Jean sings to kizzy for nettie.jpg|Nettie ends her friendship with Kizzy
Wedding Sabotage.png|Nettie plots to sabotage Tessa and Amara's wedding with Jean
Nettie asking tracy out.jpg|Nettie asks Tracy to be her girlfriend
Mia plans nettie and tracys date.jpg|Mia plans Tracy and Nettie's date
Boat Date.jpg|Nettie aims for Tracy's heart
Nettielapdance.jpg|Tracy entraps Nettie with a lap-dance from Dee Mented
Nettie Adopts Apples-0.png|Nettie pretends to be Apples' mother after the Leanbois made him a "nugget"
Unbrakk Contract.png|Nettie's contract to get back together with Tracy
Nettie and Trainee Bailey.png|Nettie hits on Bailey after coming out of the ICU
Nettie and kitkat.jpg|Nettie reciting a poem for KitKat
Kitkatexplains.jpg|Nettie confronts KitKat after she was kidnapped by Ricky
Nettie notepad kitkat.jpg|Kitkat asks Nettie to be her girlfriend
Nettie and jessie discuss bovice.jpg|Nettie and Jessie discuss Bovice
Nettie and tracy.jpg|Nettie and Tracy's final breakup
Jordan asks nettie on a date.jpg|Jordan askes Nettie out on a date
Nettie and jerry.jpg|Nettie moves forward with her plan to get revenge on Jerry
Nettie and Jordans Beach Date.jpg|Nettie and Jordan's beach date
Nettie kayden and jerry.jpg|Kayden and Jerry confront Nettie about Jordan
Nettie Tuxedo.png|Nettie dresses up for a date
Nettie proposes to jordan.jpg|Nettie proposes to Jordan
Nettie at court.jpg|Nettie testifies at Jordan's hit and run trial
Nettie and chips.png|Nettie and Chips at the divorce trial
Andrews and Nettie.jpg|Andrews tells Nettie that the DA is investigating her for perjury
Tandem.jpg|Nettie and Pred console Jordan after Kayden's death
Cpr.jpg|Nettie performs CPR on Jordan after his meltdown
Steele Goes for Gold.jpg|Nettie's contempt of court as covered by the Los Santos Herald
Arrested.jpg|Nettie is arrested for contempt of court by Ripley
Reconciled.jpg|Nettie and Jordan make up in prison after serving time together
Nettie Unamused.jpg|Nettie resigns from EMS
Copperpot and Nettie.jpg|Nettie and Copperpot on the lot
Tracy v Jordan.jpg|Tracy attempts to break Nettie and Jordan up
Premium valet.jpg|Nettie and Copperpot's valet uniforms
Wedding Invitation.png|Nettie and Jordan's wedding invitations
Kizzy confronts Nettie.jpg|Kizzy confronts Nettie for being engaged to Jordan
Apples is shot at Nettie's wedding.png|Apples fakes his death before Nettie and Jordan's wedding
Nettie and Jordan's Wedding.png|Nettie and Jordan's wedding
Planning Augusts Wedding.png|August askes Nettie to help plan for her wedding with Apples
Nettie Garage Q.png|Nettie is interviewed in her Steele Security uniform by Mickey Rivers
PlaneHijacking.png|Nettie helps Apples and August hijack a plane on their wedding day
Q kidnaps Tracy.png|Nettie attempts to kidnap Tracy with the help of Louis and Pepe
Crusade hires Nettie.webp|Crusade Medical Center hires Nettie
Crusade meets with Dexx.png|Nettie helps Crusade form a partnership with Dexx as a "hood hospital"