Semen Bond

== Semen Bond ==
"The name's Semen Bond. Hur hur hur, like cum!" - He didn't say that in this movie.
=== Semen Bond: ===
Semen Bond is a character not from Mike and Melissa. He is from the 1984 animated movie Bagi the Monster of Mighty Nature. He would go on to inspire the creation of famous characters such as Two Face from Batman, Hol Horse from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure and Dante from Devil May Cry. Semen Bond can be described as the glue that holds the Bond family together (This is a joke about cum, sperm).
Semen Bond's role in the Bagi the Monster of Mighty Nature movie is to prevent people from using the toilet. Displaying impressive gunslinging talents, like being able to shoot a penny like 3 times in the air, (in theory) if anyone dares to leave their room to take a piss, Semen Bond will be sure to blast the brains out of their skulls. However he has one noteable Achilles heel, which when exploited renders him fucking useless:
If you whine like a little bitch to Semen Bond for long enough, he will offer you a chance to escape if you can beat him in a game of heads or tails. However, the problem with Semen Bond is that he either has the worst luck of any human being on planet Earth, or he's unfathomably shit at flipping coins, because he loses his coin flip like 600 fucking times in the movie.
Semen Bond losing his coin flip again. This is like the 7th fucking time he does this in the movie, you'd think he'd learn his lesson by now.
In the end this retard is ultimately thwarted by some kid squirting a bottle of glue at him. This is while the crack shot Semen Bond was aiming his pistol right at the boy. (It should be noted that Semen Bond gave the kid this bottle of glue too) Gee, he should flip a fucking coin to see whether or not he should blow his brains out for that blunder. Then the big evil Indian temple he was stationed in explodes for some reason, I can't remember.
Semen Bond moves his glue covered arm up and down like an action man for a prolongued amount of time, allowing our protagonists to escape.
Later it is revealed that Semen Bond survived the explosion. Then the kid from before nags him a bunch more times for something, Semen Bond replies by whining for a while and eventually yields, allowing the kid to test his luck at a final game of heads or tails, which of course, Semen Bond loses at. Again.
=== Trivia: ===
* Assuming Semen Bond's chances of succeeding in a game of heads or tails were 50/50 (Which is highly unlikely), If four Semen Bonds were hired, that would give the captives of the evil Indian temple only like a 0.06 chance to not be shot in the face by one of the Semen Bond's. That's pretty good odds I guess.
* Semen Bond probably decides whether he should get up and use the bathroom or not through coin flips considering thats how he made every fucking decision throughout his screen time. Knowing his luck, he must stink of shit.
Category:Extended Canon
Category:Retards