Blue's Big Musical Movie Review

After the intro, Bob begins his review (as he almost always does) with his signature two-finger salute. 
Bob: Hey, guys. If there's one thing that I love, it's discovering new things about my audience. Like, for example, apparently a lot of you guys enjoyed "Blue's Clues" while growing up. 
Clips from the show itself are seen, accompanied by the opening theme.
Bob: *voiceover* Unfortunately, I was just a little too old to enjoy it like so many of you had. If ever I was to catch any of the sweet, little dog trying to communicate via a series of paw prints, it was only while I was busy babysitting some of the local kids or something. 
Then, the title card of the movie itself appears, followed by the title card for Bob's review of "Where the Dead Go to Die".
Bob: *voiceover* But, my executive producers have spoken, so today, we're going to look at "Blue's Big Musical Movie". And to think, not too long ago, I was reviewing "Where the Dead Go to Die". Before the movie begins, I have to question this title. It's a minor nitpick, to be sure, but why couldn't they call it "Blue's Blusical" or something? Again, minor, but I think it'd just be a bit more clever. We open on a little advertising bumper, showcasing what other fine programs were showing on Nick Jr. at the time, including "Dora the Explorer" and "Little Bill".
Bob: Enjoy these clips of "Little Bill", because you are *holds up a finger* never going to see these again. *voiceover* The movie begins with our little blue canine protagonist trying to wake up her owner, Steve. 
Blue hops on over to the bedroom where Tickety Tock, a pink alarm clock, is attempting to wake Steve up by ringing her bells. Steve, however, is fast asleep and cuddling with his stuffed orange Anteater doll, Horace.
Tickety Tock: Steve, wake up!
Bob: *voiceover, imitating Steve* Not now, Steve's got a hangover... *normal* Well, that's not working. Time to bust out the air horn. 
An air horn with a black fedora and pixelated sunglasses (as popularized by Major League Gaming) blares and awakens Steve, shaking the screen in the process.
Bob: *voiceover* Blue and the sentient furniture are excited because today is the day of their big music show. 
Steve: The big music show is- is today, and I overslept?... There's so much to do! *paces in place while the background moves with him* We have to build a stage, we have to make snacks, we have to make costumes, we- we got to rehearse... 
Bob: *voiceover, imitating Steve again* We got to stand in place while the scenery shifts behind me... 
Steve approaches the window and the first song begins.
Steve: *singing* We're havin' a show out in the backyard
All our friends will join along
Bob: Your friends are a bucket, a shovel, and a mailbox?... Sheesh, and I thought I needed to get out of the house more.
Steve is dancing to the music in his pajamas, with his friends (Shovel, Pail, Slippery Soap, and Mailbox) joining in.
Tickety Tock: Steve, aren't you forgetting something?
Steve's Friends: *singing* He's got to get out of his PJs
Steve: What should I wear?
Steve's Friends: *singing* He's got to put on all his clothes
Steve: I know!
Shovel: *singing* We invited the neighbors...
Bob: *voiceover* You invited the neighbors to watch him take off his clothes? But, hey, since a change of wardrobe is on the table, might I recommend your look from "Songs for Dustmites"? And again, I know this is probably nitpicking, but why is it that everything in the world can talk, but Blue just talks in a series of "bow-bows"? Is there any reason why she can't talk while this little kitten named Periwinkle can?
Mr. Salt: *singing* Pass me ze granola
Mrs. Pepper: *singing* I'll put in a bowl-a
Mr. Salt: *singing* Pancakes, 
Mrs. Pepper: *singing* Berries, 
Paprika: *singing* And orange juice
Steve: How about some toast?
Mr. Salt: Toast is the most!
Meanwhile, Periwinkle is watching outside from the kitchen window. 
Periwinkle: *hugging himself* I love breakfast!
Bob: *imitating Periwinkle* If only I knew what breakfast tasted like... *looks up to the sky and sighs longingly* 
Steve: *holding up a checklist* We've had our breakfast, check. *checks off the first box* These are all the things we still need to do today. *singing* Make our costumes, build a stage, and make our snacks. *normal* Will you help us check these things off when we do them? *beat* Great. *looks at the list* Wow... Wow, we really have a lot to do today before the big music show. 
Bob: *imitating Cool Cat in both voice and hand movements* They have a lot to do today? Oh, no! What should they do? *normal, voiceover* While everyone else is excited for the music show, Periwinkle thinks they're putting on a magic show, so he rushes home to prepare a magic act of his own. Blue and her singing partner, Tickety Tock, get ready for their song.
Tickety Tock: *singing* I'd like to be a classroom teacher
and teach the kids about life's great features
Got to work real hard, you got to be real smart
All of a sudden, Tickety Tock's voice starts giving out.
Tickety Tock: *trying to sing* I know I can do it,
I know I can do it, 
I know I can do it,
I know I can do it...
Bob: *voiceover, imitating Tickety Tock* Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a clock. I'm always gonna be a clock. I'm gonna be stuck on someone's nightstand for the rest of my miserable, tick-tocky life! *normal* It would appear that she's a bit over-practiced, and now her voice is shot.
Tickety Tock: Maybe I could do something else in the show.
The rest of the group agrees.
Steve: Well, what else could Tickety do in the big music show besides sing?
Bob: She could be the metronome?
Tickety Tock: I can ring my bells. *does just that*
Bob: Or that, she could do that.
Steve: Let's all think: who can be Blue's singing partner?
Blue runs up to the screen and presses one of her front paws against it, leaving behind a blue paw print, which can only mean one thing...
Steve: *gasps* What a great idea! We'll play "Blue's Clues" to figure out who should be Blue's singing partner.
Bob: *voiceover* You just established we have a lot to do today. Do we really have time for this? And why do we need an elaborate game of "Blue's Clues" when Blue could just easily point to who she thinks should be her partner? 
Steve: *singing* We are gonna play "Blue's Clues", 'cause it's a really great game, yeah!
Bob: *voiceover* Special musical guest, Lex Luthor.
The song plays again, and in place of the last note, Bob makes a "Hm!" noise while dressed as the Adam West version of Batman.
Bob: *voiceover* But, Steve's sidetable has an idea about who might make for a good partner for Blue.
Sidetable Drawer: Well, I... I want to, umm... *begins blushing* Could I-
Mr. Salt: *from the kitchen* Steve, Steve! I can't find ze flour!
Suddenly, a loud crash is heard.
Steve: Umm, I better go help Mr. Salt. 
Mr. Salt: Oh no, sacrebleu!
Steve: Will you wait here with Sidetable Drawer? 
Mr. Salt: Better get the mop!
Steve: Great. I'm sorry. Uh, hold that thought. I'll be right back. *runs off-screen*
After Steve departs, another song begins.
Sidetable Drawer: *singing* How will I get to sing in the show
if my friends never know?
I'm too shy to even try...
Cut to a clip from "Watchmen" with Walter Kovacs A.K.A. Rorschach in a graveyard on a rainy night.
Bob: *voiceover, imitating Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach* Sidetable says, "But doctor, I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everyone laugh. Curtains. 
Steve returns from the accident and resumes his conversation with Sidetable Drawer.
Steve: OK, now, Sidetable: what did you want to ask? 
Sidetable Drawer: Could I... *blushes again* Could I... Could I...
Steve: Could you what?
Sidetable Drawer: ...Could I give you your notebook?
Steve: Sure.
Sidetable Drawer opens up and allows Steve to reach in and grab his Handy-Dandy Notebook.
Steve: Thanks, Sidetable. *to the viewers* You know, I can tell I'm really gonna need your help today.
Bob: *unimpressed* Must be a day that ends with "Y".
Steve: You know, I love songs. I love singing songs. I love making up songs. In fact, that's what I wanna be. 
Bob: *voiceover* You wanna be a song?
Steve: I wanna be a- a song maker-upper! (Songwriter) Yeah! Do you wanna be a song maker-upper with me?
Bob: *voiceover* Not if "song maker-upper" is what you want to call yourself.
Steve: Now, all we need to do is... is... is make up a song. Then, we can sing it in the big music show.
Blue hands Steve his clipboard.
Steve: Ooh, great idea, Blue. Better add that to our list of things to do.
Bob: *voiceover* So far, we've checked off one thing from this list and added two. I don't think you understand how checklists work. He goes out to look for Blue's clues, and we learn that the entire neighborhood is looking forward to this music show. 
Mailbox: The whole neighborhood said they were coming!
Steve: Yep, the whole neighborhood...
Bob: *voiceover* I think he just realized he's living a lie. *imitating Steve yet again* Yes, the whole neighborhood of houses and people that are totally here and not just figments of my imagination that I've made up since I'm living in a green-screen world... DON'T LOOK AT ME!!! 
Steve: *singing* We are looking for Blue's clues,
we are looking for Blue's clues,
why can't I ever find a clue like you?
*spoken* Yeah, why is that? How come I never find the clues first? You know... just once, I'd like to find a clue first.
Bob: *imitating Steve once more* No, I'm serious! This is some bullsh*t right here! I've been doing this for four years now, and not once have I ever found any of these clues that my dog's leaving behind without the help of some f***ing three-year-olds! Why can't I ever find any of these g*ddamn clue-
The scene cuts out with some static snow, and then shows Bob in a daze.
Bob: *singing to himself* We are gonna play "Blue's Clues", because it's really fun... doot, doo-doot, doo-doot, doot, whee... *voiceover* Eventually, he does come across the first clue... or rather, the five-year-olds in the audience find it first. 
 
Steve: Oh, you see a clue? On my shoe? 
Steve turns around and bends over, revealing the clue to be on his notebook.
Kids: A clue! 
Bob: *voiceover, imitating the kids* On your ass, moron!
Kids: On your notebook!
Steve looks back and sees the clue.
Steve: Oh! *takes off the notebook* There's a clue... on the notebook. 
Steve draws the first clue into the notebook.
Steve: So... we're trying to figure out who should be Blue's singing partner. And, our first clue is... our notebook. 
 
The clue appears above Steve on the upper left side.
Steve: Well, who do you think should be Blue's singing partner in the big music show with... our notebook? 
Bob: Maybe the notebook itself? I mean, we haven't heard it sing, so maybe, want to give it a chance? *shrugs*
Steve: We still have a lot to do.
Bob: *voiceover* You better hurry up, we only have 75% of this movie left to go.
Steve once again walks off screen, and we see Periwinkle working on his magic act.
Periwinkle: OK, I'm ready. Say these magic words: Peri-Pocus-Ocus-Crocus! Watch this clipboard appear-o! *lifts up the blanket to reveal the clipboard* You think Steve will like my magic trick? *beat* You do? I'm gonna show him right now! 
He jumps off the cardboard box and begins to look for Steve. 
Periwinkle: Steve! Steve, where'd you go? I wanna show you my big magic trick, so I can be in your big magic show!
Bob: *voiceover* Sidetable tries to speak up for herself again, but can't bring herself to it. 
Sidetable Drawer: *singing* Steve needs to hear I want to sing in the show 
I'm ready to ask, he's got to know...
Bob: *voiceover, singing to the tune of "Jack's Lament"* Oh, somewhere deep inside of these drawers...
All of a sudden, Steve comes back with Slippery Soap, both wearing/carrying silly hats and doing a little dance.
Steve: *singing* Steve's got a silly hat
Both: *singing* Slippery's got a silly hat
Steve puts his gigantic jester's hat onto Sidetable Drawer, revealing a propeller cap underneath.
Both: *singing* Sidetable's got a silly hat
Bob: *singing in monotone while wearing a jester's cap of his own* Bobsheaux's got a silly hat... *shrugs while grimacing*
The song comes to an end with both Steve and Slippery laughing.
Bob: *voiceover* Oh... that was it? You come on, announce that you've got a silly hat, and... that's the song. Yeah, that was worth a sexy dance.
Sidetable Drawer: I wanna do something in the music show!
Steve: Heh-hey... Hey, that's a great idea, Sidetable. What do you wanna do?
Sidetable Drawer: I want to... I want to... *sighs* I don't know...
Steve: Hey... I know. You know how you're a sidetable, right?
Sidetable Drawer: Right.
Steve: Well, you know how you sometimes hold things on top of tables, right?
Sidetable Drawer: Right.
Steve: Right! You could hold all our hats... on top... of your table! That's what you could do!
Slippery Soap: That's a great idea, Steve!
Sidetable Drawer: All right.
Slippery Soap stacks all the hats he was holding on top of her.
Steve: See? You're a natural!
Bob: *voiceover* Somehow, I can't help but think this is kind of racist.
When Steve leaves for the third time, Sidetable Drawer continues her lament.
Sidetable Drawer: *singing* Being shy is all so tough,
now I'm stuck holding this stuff...
Bob: *voiceover, imitating Jack Skellington* But, I never intended all this hat-ness, never... and nobody really understood, well, how could they? That all I ever wanted was to bring them something great! *singing* Why does nothing ever turn out like it should?
Sidetable Drawer: *singing* I'm not just a drawer, a fact that's ignored...
Bob: Damn it, this movie's making me want to hug a table!
Tickety Tock: *runs up to Steve with a paint set* Steve! Steve! What should we do with these paints?
Steve: Umm, well, these paints would be great to-
Then, Pail arrives, carrying a stethoscope and a police badge.
Pail: Steve! Steve! Steve! I got a stethoscope and a police badge! What should I do with these props?
Steve: Oh, well, you can take those-
Mailbox: Steve, I have wood and a clothesline! What do we do?
Bob: *voiceover* Umm, today's the day of the big music show, and no one has any idea of what they're supposed to do? Steve has all these plans, but apparently, he has to share them with anyone? Maybe your show can stand to be put off a day or two.
Magenta, one of Blue's friends, stands on a mound and shows Steve some construction paper. 
Steve: Paper... paper will definitely be useful. What should we put together with that paper?
Bob: *voiceover* Why don't you start building the stage?! Or, hell, since the whole point of this is "Blue's Clues", why don't you get on with finding a suitable singing replacement for the alarm clock, and- Wow, that's a weird sentence. 
Next, Slippery Soap is standing on the mound with some paintbrushes.
Slippery Soap: What about my brushes?
Steve: Brushes... what should we put together with these brushes?
Bob: *voiceover* You could paint the sunglasses yellow, and then you have a costume for Dripping Yellow Madness.
Cut to Homestar Runner donning a pair of sunglasses recently dipped in yellow paint, and then to Strong Bad lying on the basement couch.
Strong Bad: He moved away after fifth grade!
Bob: *voiceover* And you'll notice that the clock is singing perfectly fine. Clearly, she just wanted to bail out of singing with Blue.
Steve is walking across a workbench outside when he runs into Periwinkle again.
Periwinkle: Steve, Steve, there you are! I want to show you something! 
Steve: Hey, Peri. What do you want to show us?
Mr. Salt: *calling from the kitchen window* Excuse me, Steve! Where's the chocolate chips?
Steve: Oh, they're on the bottom shelf. Sorry, Periwinkle, go ahead.
Periwinkle: Peri-Pocus-
Mr. Salt: Where, Steve?
Steve: Bottom shelf.
Periwinkle: Peri-Pocus-Ocus-
Mr. Salt: What did you say?
Steve: Bottom shelf!
Periwinkle: Peri-Po-
Mr. Salt: Steve, where?
Another loud crash happens in the kitchen.
Steve: I better go see what's going on in the kitchen.
Periwinkle: But, you need to see my trick!
Steve: Umm... Will you wait here with Periwinkle while I go see what's going on in the kitchen?
Bob: Sure, I'll stay here with the three-year-old who just wants to show off that he learned something new today, while you go off with a perfectly capable adult who can't find the chocolate chips, you jerk.
Periwinkle: OK, do you want to see another magic trick?
Bob: Why, yes I do, Periwinkle. Show us another magic trick.
Periwinkle: I, the amazing Periwinkle, will make this... this... *grabs a green doorknob* this knob disappear! Nothing in my fur, *wiggles his ears* nothing behind my ears. Ready? *covers the doorknob with a purple handkerchief* Say the magic words! Peri-Pocus-Ocus-Crocus!
As the kids repeat the magic words, Periwinkle lifts up the handkerchief and quickly moves the knob behind him with his tail.
Periwinkle: Look! *whispering* I did it. I did it! *louder and jumping for joy* I did it, I did it, I did it! 
Bob: Wow, you certainly did do it, little buddy. I'm impressed. *nods* 
Periwinkle get off the workbench to show Steve his trick, which in turn, reveals the second clue on a blue doorknob.
Periwinkle: Steve! Steve, where are you? I got to show you something!
Kids: A clue! 
Steve: *rushes to the window* Yep, we found 'em, on the bottom shelf: chocolate chips. 
Kids: There's a clue!
Bob: I don't care. I wanna help Periwinkle hone his magic act.
Steve runs back and fourth from the workbench to off-screen.
Steve: OK, where is that clue?
Kids: It's right there!
Steve: No, I... A-ha!
Kids: It's right behind you!
Steve: Huh? Where?
Steve looks under the workbench, but doesn't see anything. Then, he sits on it.
Steve: I can't find it.
Bob: *beginning to lose patience* It's the only other thing on the screen that's moving.
Steve finally looks to his right and sees the clue.
Steve: Oh, yeah... it's right there. *chuckles* You know... *singing* I'd like to be able to find a clue...
Bob: *singing, dubbing over Steve* But I was dropped on my head... 
Steve: *drawing the knob in his notebook* First an oval, then a line around like this. There, a knob. What was our first clue?
Kids: Notebook! 
Steve: Right, our notebook. And now, our second clue is... a knob.
Bob: I got it! Stop playing "Blue's Clues", stop being a doorknob, and get on with the show! *voiceover* Blue then leads Steve to a blank piece of staff paper. Why isn't she leading him to her third clue? The clock's a-tickin'! Is finding her singing partner really not that important?
Steve 'skidoos' into the piece of staff paper after Blue and winds up in a world with a piano floor, home to a sentient, sunglasses-wearing music note with a literal soul patch named G-Clef, voiced by the late Ray Charles. Steve steps on a few keys, making notes appear on the staff, and G-Clef begins scatting.
G-Clef: Yeah! Keep playin', you're doin' great!
Bob: Oh... Never mind what I just said. It would appear that Blue wants Ray Charles to be her singing partner. *voiceover* No, seriously, this little treble clef is voiced by Ray freaking Charles. What's he doing in this movie? I really shouldn't complain, though.
Cut to a clip from "The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure" of Toni Braxton, known as Rosalie Rosebud in the film, performing with the titular Oogieloves.
Bob: *voiceover* It's nowhere near as bad as Toni Braxton in "Oogieloves".
G-Clef: First, you start by picking notes that 'ya like. *singing* Some notes are *in falsetto* high, *normal* and some notes are *in basso profundo* low...
Bob: *voiceover* Again, the day of the musical, and you need a ghostly treble clef and your audience of preschoolers to give you a music lesson. Find yourself another line of work, sir. 
Steve moves his finger across some music notes while harmonizing with them.
G-Clef: Yeah... Ooh, all right, now! 
Steve: You know, I still think it needs something else.
Bob: Yeah, like a tune... and rhythm... and harmony... and tempo... and lyrics... In fact, why don't you just take up painting or something? *voiceover* I gotta say, though, Ray Charles is the best actor in this whole movie. You have to have some pret-ty solid acting jobs to say that this music is good. 
G-Clef: You made some great rhythms. 
Steve: I made rhythms?
Bob: *voiceover, imitating Ray Charles* No, not really, I'm lyin' through m' teeth! That's what they paid me for.
G-Clef: Now, try to keep up with this!
Steve and G-Clef are clapping in rhythm as G-Clef starts singing again. Then, we cut to a brief clip of Stewie from "Family Guy".
Stewie: Cool...
Whole Note: You gotta have some rhythm!
Steve: Yeah, let's pick a rhythm for our song.
Bob: *voiceover* Meanwhile, Periwinkle's completely stolen the show with his magic act. 
Cut to a clip of Periwinkle performing on-stage with his bag of tricks.
Bob: *voiceover, imitating Periwinkle* And now, for my next trick, I'm going to make Steve's career disappear!
Steve: Let's pick a tempo for our song!
Bob: No, that's all right. I don't want an 'our song', thank you very much. 
Steve: Repeat after me. OK... 
Steve clears his throat and prepares to sing, Bob does the same. Then, Steve begins vocalizing and Bob exaggerates both his vocal style and movements.
Bob: *voiceover* Now that his song is completed, he jumps back into the... umm... real world? And, goes on to look for the final clue. Periwinkle once again tries to show off his magic act, bless his little kitty heart, but Steve has business elsewhere to attend to.
Periwinkle: Don't move! Just... let me go get it! 
Suddenly, Tickety Tock appears, along with Blue.
Tickety Tock: Steve, come quick! 
Slippery Soap: *off-screen* Whoa...! Oh, no!
Tickety Tock: C'mon, c'mon, Steve!
Steve: I better go see what's going on. Will you wait here and tell Periwinkle where I went?
Bob: No problem. I'll tell him that you abandoned him... again... prick.
Sure enough, Periwinkle comes back just as Steve leaves for the fifth time.
Periwinkle: Behold, my magic bag of tricks! Now, for my first trick, I will... *looks around to find Steve isn't here* Steve? Steve? Did Steve leave again? *beat* Steve's so busy! I'll never get to show him any of my magic tricks.
Periwinkle walks off the cardboard box and takes his bag with him. Suddenly, Steve re-appears from the right.
Steve: I'm really gonna need your help. We got a very serious situation over there with Slippery. 
Bob: I'm not gonna help you until you apologize for constantly ignoring that poor kitten. Now... I will admit to not knowing a whole lot about the Blue's Clueniverse, but... seeing as how we don't see any other houses around, and how we see no other people around, and how this cat is constantly clamoring for your attention, I'm just gonna take a wild guess here and say that he's homeless and he doesn't have any friends. You (Steve) are the closest thing to a friend that Periwinkle has, and you are constantly shoving him aside, just so you can talk to your soap. *beat, disgusted* I hope you're pleased with yourself... 
Mailbox: Steve, the neighbors are comin'!
Steve: What, the neighbors? Already? 
Mailbox: Yeah, look!
Various characters begin arriving for the show, including a bird of some sort, a pig with glasses, a gingerbread man, and a purple kangaroo.
Steve: Oh, the neighbors, great! Wait, we have to go find the third clue! 
Mailbox: Steve, they need to collect their tickets!
Bob: Tickets? Your neighbors are paying to be here? And, you're only now putting this show together? You're the worst entertainer ever!
Steve finds Sidetable Drawer over by the gate in front of the stage.
Steve: You know how you're a sidetable drawer, right?
Sidetable Drawer: Right.
Steve: Right. You know how, sometimes, drawers hold things, right?
Sidetable Drawer: Right.
Steve: Right, well, this is what I was thinking: you could stand by this post, and collect everyone's tickets for the show, and hold them... in your drawer! What do you think? Think you could do that job?
Sad violin music plays as Sidetable Drawer reluctantly accepts the position.
Sidetable Drawer: I guess so...
Steve: *sighs* Thanks, Sidetable. Cool. *gives her two thumbs up*
Bob: Do you not hear the obvious violin music?! Ask her why she's so sad!
Tickety Tock: Hi, Steve. You need to find that clue soon, because Blue needs a partner real bad. 
Steve: *comes to a realization* I know, I know. I know! I know Blue needs a singing partner for the big show, but...
A melancholic song begins playing. 
Steve: But, I can't find the clue.
Steve sits on a red chair, feeling quite glum.
Steve: *singing* What if I never find the clue?
I'm not as good at that as you
I feel like giving up... 
*spoken* What should I do?
Cut back to Bob, with the video in monochrome.
Bob: *singing, to the tune of "Nature Boy"* There was a Steve, 
a very dumb, deluded Steve...
Suddenly, Steve's friends and Blue appear to boost his morale.
Steve's Friends: *singing* Don't give up, just go on!
Steve: *singing* When something goes wrong...
Steve's Friends: *singing* Don't give up, just go on!
Steve: *singing* I just gotta keep on...
Steve's Friends: *singing* Don't give up, just go on!
Cut to a clip of Barney from season 5 of "Barney and Friends" singing a similar song about perseverance. 
Barney: *singing* If you can't do it the first time,
Try and try again
Steve: Do you really think I can do it? Do you really think I can find the clue?
The others agree.
Steve: Yeah, I won't give up!
Bob: It's funny, because he will give up when Joe takes over the show. *voiceover* He, eventually, does find the third and final clue: a drawer! He goes back to his thinking chair, so he can *singing* think, think, thiiiiiiii-eugh... *normal* OK, so, he passes a monkey, some kind of bird, and... 
The movie rewinds a little bit to show a blue humanoid figure with a red torso socializing with the monkey. 
Bob: *voiceover* What is that, a dead Canadian child? *imitating a "South Park" character* I choked today on a small piece of candy, buddy! 
We cut back to Steve on the thinking chair as the clues start coming together.
Steve: Maybe, the notebook could go in the drawer... who do we know who has... a drawer with a knob and holds our notebook?
Kids: Sidetable Drawer!
Steve: Sidetable Drawer... Yeah, Sidetable Drawer has a drawer with a knob, and she holds our notebook! 
Blue appears from behind the chair on the left side of Steve.
Steve: Blue? Is that who you want to be your partner? Sidetable Drawer?
Blue gives an excited nod.
Bob: *voiceover* Why didn't Blue just plaster the table with clues?
Bob imitates Blue marking Sidetable Drawer with his paw prints and tries to get Steve's attention in various ways, but his efforts seem wasted.
Steve: *singing* We just figured out Blue's clues, we just figured out Blue's clues...
Bob: *voiceover* Yeah, in twice the amount of time you would normally have if this were a regular episode. And, considering how big a part of this movie was you finding out the clues yourself, all this is is a testament to how you really suck at this.
Flash back to an earlier point of the movie where Sidetable Drawer was singing and dancing behind Steve without any difficulty.
Bob: Hey, wait a minute, why was Sidetable so shy about talking to Steve about it in the first place if she was singing and dancing just fine before? 
Steve: The big music show can go on!
Bob: *exasperated* It's been going on forever already! 
Steve: Hey, Sidetable! Guess what? We... figured... out the...
Steve notices that Sidetable Drawer is absent from her original spot.
Steve: Sidetable?
Steve then remembers that he put her to work outside, collecting tickets.
Steve: Oh... Oh, she's collecting tickets.
Bob: *voiceover* Actually, she's having an identity crisis and now thinks she's a hat rack. Nice going there, Steve. Periwinkle, the real protagonist of this movie, eventually finds Sidetable, and she's a junkie now. It starts off holding tickets, and before you know it, you're huffing construction paper, print paper, then onto the hard stuff, like cardboard boxes. Periwinkle shows off how he found Sidetable as another magic trick, and while they're all ecstatic upon learning how Sidetable wants to sing with Blue, Periwinkle is crushed upon learning that this is not a magic show they've been setting up.
Periwinkle: I thought we were having a magic show. 
Blue shakes her head and convinces him otherwise.
Periwinkle: Singing? I don't want to sing... 
Periwinkle walks away, feeling both duped and dejected.
Periwinkle: *covers himself with his purple handkerchief* Periwinkle, disappear-o...
Bob: *pleading* It's OK, Periwinkle! You can open with a trick or two! It's gonna be great, I promise! Just... Just please stop being sad! 
Purple Kangaroo: Steve, what's going on back here? When is your show gonna start?
Steve: Uh... *to his friends* Hey, are we ready to go on?
Mailbox: I can't go on yet! I forgot my joke!
Slippery Soap: I don't have my costume on yet!
Sidetable Drawer: I still need more practice!
Shovel: Pail, where'd you put the animals?
Tickety Tock: Steve, we need more time!
Bob: It's all right, I'm on it.
Bob takes off his jacket to reveal a Superman t-shirt underneath with a red cape, and cuts to a clip of Superman (from the first movie) flying around the earth in a direction opposite to its rotation so fast, it begins to slowly rotate backwards. Or, to put it in a nutshell, he turns back time. Afterwards, Bob returns to his chair.
Bob: That should do it. *voiceover* Actually, they do put Periwinkle on stage to dazzle the audience while they stall for time, and we don't get to see a single bit of his magic tricks? I hate you, movie! So, the music show can finally begin, and the clock is still singing perfectly fine. The whole subplot of finding a new partner for Blue was utterly pointless. I'm confused: the theme of this music show is what you want to be when you grow up, but aren't these inanimate objects just kind of stuck being whatever they are? I'm sure a mailbox might have a sense of humor, but how would it go about being a stand-up comic? 
Mailbox: Knock-knock!
Audience: Who's there?
Mailbox: Letter!
Audience: Letter who? 
Mailbox: Letter (let her) in, she's been knocking! *rim shot* 
Bob: *unamused* Wocka-wocka. 
Sidetable Drawer: *singing* Blue wants to be a classroom teacher,
and teach the kids about life's great features
Bob: *voiceover* And, Blue wants to be a teacher? How is she supposed to do that when she can't even talk? Now, it's time for Steve, and... us, I guess? To wrap things up.
Sidetable Drawer: Show 'em what you got!
Bob starts moving and lip-syncing to "Show Me What You Got" by Ay-14ice.
Steve: I think I forgot our song... *looks out at the crowd* Do you remember?
Kids: *singing* Hey, hey...
Steve: Oh... oh, right, right, right. Right, you repeat after me. 
Bob: *voiceover* We're supposed to repeat after him, when he forgot the song? I'm running out of ways of saying you suck at this, Steve. So, the music show ends on a high note, and everyone cheers at its premise that anyone can be anything they wanna be, even though it's obvious that Steve has no business being a stage producer. 
Bob: So, that was "Blue's Big Musical Movie", or as I like to call it, Periwinkle's magic show that never was. 
Clips from the movie play over the music from the end credits.
Bob: *voiceover* Honestly, I don't understand why this needed to be a direct-to-video movie. It's just a longer episode of "Blue's Clues". The songs are catchy, the characters are cute, but this is just standard TV fare. Usually, when a show makes the leap from TV to cinema, there's the desire to do more world-building, so they can actually justify the transition to the bigger medium. I was kind of expecting this movie to focus on Periwinkle like it did, so that maybe it could teach Blue and Steve that they aren't the center of the universe, which is a lesson that every child needs to, eventually, learn for themselves. I know we're supposed to feel bad for Sidetable for not having the nerve to speak up for herself, but as I pointed out earlier, it's kinda hard to take that seriously when we're introduced to her, singing her heart out right in front of Steve. I feel a lot more sympathy for Periwinkle, who clearly doesn't have any friends outside of Steve, and despite being rejected again and again, he holds onto his faith that Steve will notice him and how important he is. I just want to give this poor kitty a hug.
Bob: So, go ahead and check out this movie if you want, but as for me, I'm gonna figure out how I can legally adopt Periwinkle. See you later.
Bob signs off his review with the two-finger salute, and Harry Chapin's "Cats in the Cradle" plays over clips of Periwinkle from the movie.
Category:Transcripts
Category:Well-Animated Schlock
Category:Franchises That Went Bad Throughout Time