Welcome to Debt

Welcome to Debt is the first episode of SBFW Crossing. It was shadow-dropped on April 10 2020, following the series' announcement in the 2nd SBFW Direct.
==Transcript==
(the episode starts with Crazy, SpongeBot, Purple, Matchy, Granite and Polar pulling their suitcases towards the entrance of an airport)
SpongeBot: (nervous) Are you guys sure this is a good idea?
Purple: Do you want to get done for tax evasion?
Matchy: There aren't many other options.
Purple: They won't be able to find us on a desert island.
Crazy: o
(they enter the airport and walk to the Reception)
Crazy: Uh, we're here for the Nook Inc. Deserted Island Getaway Package?
Timmy: Ah yes, we've been expecting you!
Tommy: -expecting you!
Timmy: Allow us to-
Tommy: -introduce ourselves! I'm Tommy from Nook Inc.!
Timmy: And I'm Timmy!
Granite: (confused) Uh, they're raccoons.
Timmy: Actually we're tanukis in Japan.
Tommy: -pan.
Polar: I think we've had too much Red Mist...
Purple: Just go with it, Polar.
Crazy: Do they always talk in unison?
Tommy: We'll just need you to fill out these forms about your name, birthday, gender, social security number, that sort of thing.
Timmy: (handing the forms out) You can't change your name or birthday, but you can change your gender whenever you like.
Crazy: I bet Polar's gonna have a field day with this!
(Polar punches him)
Crazy: Ow!
(they all quickly fill out their forms)
Granite: Wait a sec, what's this in the fine print about being in eternal debt?
Timmy: (nervously laughing) I wouldn't worry about that too much.
Tommy: -much. (holding up four maps) Um, where are we going again?
Timmy: -gain.
SpongeBot: I, uh, (points at the fourth one) that one!
Polar: F**k! I wanted the second one!
Tommy: Also, this is just a hypothetical question but if you could all only bring one thing to the island with you, what would it be?
Timmy: -be.
Matchy: Why are you asking?
Timmy: Honestly, we don't know. You know what, nevermind.
Polar: (to viewers) You'd get it if you played the game.
Speaker: Attention please. The chartered flight for Nook Inc.'s Deserted Island Getaway Package is now boarding.
Tommy: Oh, we better get on the plane!
Crazy: HOOPLA!!!
(they all approach the terminal)
Granite: Wait, are you two coming with us?
Timmy: Yeah, is it not normal for receptionists to come on the flight with you and later set up a poorly built wooden shed disguised as a shop at the place you're flying to?
Tommy: -to?
Polar: (mimicking them) Well, you know, it was just a HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION…
(cut to them all boarding the plane)
Crazy: (testing the cushions) Ay, Polar, sit with me!
(they all sit down)
Pilot: (on speaker) This is your captain, Wilbur, speaking. Thank you for choosing Dodo Airlines. We're just gonna go through the mandatory safety che-
(cut to everyone flying on the plane, Granite is flicking through the movies and TV shows with SpongeBot, Polar is listening to Ariana Grande, Crazy is making memes, etc.)
Granite: Huh, this isn't bad, they've got The Loud House!
Purple: 'ey Matchy, who are those hungover dudes at the back of the plane?
Matchy: Why should I know?
Purple: Should we talk to them?
Matchy: I dun- hang on, that one there's a black-
Purple: Matchy, don't be raci- wait, that's a black duck! And a penguin!
Matchy: Is everyone here an animal?
Purple: Well humans are-
Matchy: Don't be a smartass, Purps.
(Granite starts screaming)
SpongeBot: What's the matter with him?
Polar: (taking her earbuds off) He's fine, he just accidentally started watching Overnight Success.
Purple: So, back to what I was saying, should we introduce ourselves? I mean, they'll be living on the island with us too.
Matchy: Well, I don't have the best track record with black ducks.
Purple: You're right, let's just wait until we get off the plane.
Matchy: Wait, he looks kinda familiar...
(cut to Crazy calming Granite down)
Crazy: Think of a happy place, think of a happy place.
(cut to the plane making a landing)
Wilbur: (on speaker) OK, so we're gonna have to make a water landing but that's ok because this is a sea plane.
SpongeBot: No shit.
(the plane lands)
Wilbur: We have arrived at our destination - you may now unbuckle your belts. (they all do so) Thank you for choosing Dodo Airlines. Next time you wanna fly, think "what would dodos do?".
(they all exit the plane - it is the evening)
Flo: Hi, I'm Flo, nice to meet you!
Crazy: I'm, uh, Crazy.
(they shake hands)
Flo: Aren't we all.
Matchy: Purps, please tell me the duck guy's not who I think he is.
Purple: Matchy, please, you've been giving me hell the entire flight.
SpongeBot: I think he's just missing fapping in class already.
(Matchy gives a face of disapproval)
Timmy: Alright, may we have your attention? We know you're all eager to-
Tommy: -explore uninhabited island life but we ask that you join us for a-
Timmy: -short orientation session in the plaza.
Tommy: Our fearless leader himself will be giving a speech.
Crazy: o
Granite: Don't tell me we've signed up for a dictatorship.
(they all approach the plaza)
Matchy: Purps, I swear it's him.
Purple: If I say it's him, will you shut up?
Tom: Greetings, comrades. I am Tom Nook, president and CEO of Nook Inc.
SpongeBot: Ah, so you're the guy whose face is plastered all over those billboards!
Tom: You've already met my minio- I mean, employees, Timmy and Tommy. Today is the first day of your new deserted island life, hm?
Polar: Yeah, but if we're gonna be living on this island, how can it be considered deser- (Aidan punches her) ow!
Tom: Of course, this is a package deal so Nook Inc. will be here supporting you all the way. Now, the first order of business is pitching up our tents, which Timmy and the other one will be handing out now.
SpongeBot: Tents? You mean we're gonna be sleeping in tents?
Crazy: Is this what the advertisements meant by accomodation?
Tom: (laughs) What were you expecting, a life of luxury?
Granite: Well if we're gonna be living here a house would be nice.
Tom: Oh, you thought I was gonna throw in nice little houses with pretty pink picket fences for all of you for free, hm? No, no, that'd cost you!
SpongeBot: You mean money?
(silence)
Tom: Are you telling me that none of you guys have brought any money with you?! I swear, what is it with kids these days?
Crazy: o
Flo: (getting her phone out) Do you take Apple Pa- (Tom Nook shoots her and she dies)
Tom: You're on my turf now, so you play by my rules, motherf**kers.
Purple: This is better than prison I guess…
Tom: Anyone else? (silence) Good, now go find a good spot for your tents!
(they all start looking around the area)
Polar: 'ey, Nook. If we don't have any money with us, how the hell are we supposed to pay for houses?
Tom: Well, you know, I am a generous man. How about I buy any fish, bugs, fossils, drugs and stuff you bring me?
Polar: (confused) You want us to pay for our houses with money you're giving us in exchange for fish and bugs?
Tom: Yep.
(pause)
Polar: Seems legit.
Tom: I'd suggest using sticks to craft a fishing rod and net.
Polar: (still confused) Wouldn't they be a little flimsy?
Tom: Yep. Do you wanna tell the others to grab some firewood? My min- employees of mine are checking out the island's native fruit.
(cut to everyone gathering firewood, Matchy bumps into the black duck)
Matchy: Oops, (chuckles), sor- IT'S YOU!
???: Matchy? I haven't seen you in ages!
Matchy: We meet again, JASBRE.
Jasbre: I know! We can buddy up together! I thought I wouldn't know anyone here. How have you been? Do you still jack off in class?
Matchy: Are you INSANE? You're my archenemy!
Jasbre: (laughs) Archenemy? Are you on Red Mist, cockwaffle?
Matchy: Well, yes, but that's beside the point!
(cut to SpongeBot humping a tree)
Crazy: Uh, Bot, what the hell are you doing?
SpongeBot: It's not what it looks like, it's the most efficient way to get sticks from a tree, trust me on this one.
(a load of sticks and branches fall down from tree)
SpongeBot: See?
Crazy: Wow, that actually worked. Imma have a go.
(cut to them both humping trees - Matchy runs towards them and they stop)
Matchy: GUYS! He's here!
Crazy: Who's here? Is it Danny Devito?
Matchy: No!
SpongeBot: Who's here, Matchy?
Matchy: Jasbre!
(pause)
SpongeBot: Oh, that's cool, I haven't seen him in ages!
Crazy: Yeah, how's he doing?
Tom: (to Timmy & Tommy) Not exactly what I envisioned when I announced this package but nevermind. What's the fruit like, comrades?
Timmy: Oh, well, they look like peaches-
Tommy: -and they smell like peaches-
Timmy: We just need to taste them, boss.
Tommy: -boss.
Tom: Yes, yes, but they might be poisonous and we're too rich to be poisoned, hm?
Timmy: I volunteer Thomas.
Tommy: WHAT?
(Timmy shoves it down Tommy's throat)
Tom: So?
Tommy: Just a normal peach.
Tom: F**k! I wanted to feed one to that Polar chick - she asks too many questions…
(the others approach them)
Jasbre: We've, uh, got the firewood, Tom.
Tom: That's Mr. Nook to you. But you've done good, comrades. We've checked the fruit out and they are, unfortunately I should add, the common peach. We shall eat these along with whatever other fish and things we find for dinner in about an hour. We will also hold a ceremony then to celebrate the start of our new island life, which I ask that you all attend. Then again, there's not much else you could do.
(cut to an hour later when they are all sitting around the campfire eating peaches, fish, and that character called Flo you've probably forgotten about's dead corpse)
Purple: Are we sure this is a good idea? Last time someone ate an animal they weren't supposed to it kinda caused a huge thing.
Crazy: I'm sure it's fine.
Timmy: If we could have your attention please-
Tommy: Our fearless leader is going to give a speech.
Granite: ANOTHER one?
Tom: Now, allow me to properly welcome you to your new island home. I have participated in many business ventures and endeavours over the years, but none have tested by business acumen like this, oho! Anyway, I consider our first night on this island to have been a successful one and I applaud us all for our great efforts. Now- wait. Oh, I'm so stupid! This island doesn't even have a name yet! Nevermind, as the first inhabitants of this island I think we should be the ones to name it! Any suggestions?
(silence)
Crazy: HOOPLAND!
Tom: Um, any other suggestions?
(more silence)
Crazy: HOOPLAND!
Tom: Um-
Crazy: HOOPLAND! HOOPLAND! HOOPLAND!
Tom: Anyone else? Anyone? (pause) Please!!! (sigh) Hoopland it is then…
Crazy: (screaming) YESSSSS!
Tom: Well, I guess we should have a toast now. (they all get party poppers out) To the residents of, and to the many happy memories we'll make in, Hoopland!
Everyone: To Hoopland!
(they all pop the party poppers and the episode ends in a freeze frame - the words "to be continued" appear on the screen)
Category:SBFW Crossing
Category:2020
Category:Thatjess
Category:PI
Category:Episodes written by Thatjess
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Category:Series Premiere
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