Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe/Transcript

video|right|300px right|300px 
The following is a transcript of "Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe", the ninth episode of Musical Autopsy, a supplement to the comedy web series A Dose of Buckley.
==Transcript==
===Introduction===
This is Musical Autopsy. You know how it works...I head down to the musical morgue, drag a stiff out, and carve it up like a person with OCD would carve a turkey: very thoroughly.
On the cutting table this time...Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe.
===The Autopsy===
Song begins; lyrics appear.
"I threw a wish in the well
Don't ask me, I'll never tell
I looked to you as it fell
And now you're in my way
I trade my soul for a wish
Pennies and dimes for a kiss
I wasn't looking for this
But now you're in my way
Your stare was holdin'
Ripped jeans, skin was showin'
Hot night, wind was blowin'
Where you think you're going, baby?"
Meet Carly Rae Jepsen, a loser on a season of Canadian Idol, but ask Daughtry - some of the losers on those idol shows seem to come out better in the end.
She starts off by saying not to ask her about the wish she just made, but it's pretty obvious that the wish was for some deep dickin' by this dream boy she's met with the ripped jeans. Not sure why women would want a man who can't afford new clothes after their old ones have become damaged, but then she's saying she's willing to pay "pennies and dimes for a kiss," so clearly this isn't a relationship based on monetary gain, so I guess that's noble. I would think if I were a chick, and some dude was staring at me with ripped jeans on a windy night, I'd be a little creeped out, but as we're about to find, Miss Jepsen here is a bit of a nutjob herself.
Song continues.
"Hey, I just met you and this is crazy
But here's my number so call me maybe
It's hard to look right at you baby,
But here's my number so call me maybe"
Why is it so difficult to look at him?? Does he have a weird skin condition? Do you have a lazy eye, Carly Rae? And why is it so crazy that you just met, and you gave him your number? What are you supposed to do if you like someone?! Hope you'll run into them again a few times first?? Guys don't mind a straightforward chick who makes the first move, but don't be like, "Oh, hey, give me a call, maybe!" Just fuckin' tell him to call or text you!
Or maybe, she wants him to call her "Maeby".
"Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy
But here's my number, so call me maybe
And all the other boys, try to chase me
But here's my number so call me maybe"
Now, this is just arrogant.
"Hey, so, like, all the other guys want to put a dick in me, but just so you know, I'm giving you my number."
It's like saying, "I know I'm hot, and every guy wants me, but guess what? You get the privilege of being the one I want! Don't you feel super-special?!" Fuck you! If I was this douchebag that couldn't dress himself in anything other than tattered rags, I'd say "Well, then, let 'em all run a train on ya, for all I care; I'm gonna go get a Big Gulp!" and throw the number back in her face.
"You took your time with the call
I took no time with the fall
You gave me nothing at all,
but still you're in my way
I beg and borrow and steal
Have foresight and it's real
I didn't know I would feel it,
but it's in my way"
Now, this is where she gets crazy! She clearly gave this guy her number and then sat around waiting for him to call! They just met somewhere - a party, or a bar, or whatever, and she's already falling for him and getting mad that he's not calling right away?? This guy should be running as far away as possible! And the line "I didn't know I would feel it, but it's in my way" - yeah, you did. It's ridiculous when people say this: "Oh, I didn't realize I would feel that way about him or her." Yeah, you did. You fuckin' knew. Saying otherwise won't trick yourself into believing any different.
We get a repeat of the chorus telling the guy to refer to her as Maeby, into this nonsense:
"Before you came into my life I missed you so bad
I missed you so bad I missed you so, so bad
Before you came into my life I missed you so bad
And you should know that I missed you so, so bad"
Okay, so this chick's out of her fuckin' mind. First off, how can you miss someone you've never really met, never mind who you just gave your phone number to?! She's just waitin' for Torn Levi's to give her a shout, and already she's mental for him!
Now, before a 16-year-old girl comments on this, I get it. She's so in love with him that she now realizes how great life is with him, and how shitty it was before. She realizes what she was missing. But it's the ramblings of the type of insane women that all men should avoid like some sorta AIDS plague!
This is Musical Autopsy...bag it and tag it.
Sound of zipper plays; video ends.
Category:Transcripts
Category:Musical Autopsy