Superior Orders

Superior Orders is the fourth episode of season six, and the sixty-second episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on March 29, 2022.
==Plot==
Mr. Biden is ordered by the brony ruler of the world to apprehend Mr. Pineapple, however he refuses. 
==Transcript==
[The episode opens in the Oval Office. Mr. Biden can be seen sleeping when suddenly Mr. Banana runs in.] 
Mr. Banana: QUICK, WAKE UP! We have a very important call coming in! FROM THE PEOPLE WHO RULE THE WORLD! 
Mr. Biden: Who, the Jews? 
[Mr. Banana slaps Mr. Biden.] 
Mr. Banana: NO, NOT THE JEWS YOU IDIOT! I’m talking about the bronies! 
Mr. Biden: But Mr. Pepperchicken told me- 
Mr. Banana: Don’t listen to Mr. Pepperchicken! That’s just something that we made up in order to deflect the blame from our real masters… 
[Suddenly the television screen in the Oval Office turns on, revealing a man in a Rainbow Dash onesie.] 
Mr. Banana: HOLY GUACAMOLE! There he is! 
Mr. Biden: This is the guy that rules the world? 
Brony: ATTENTION, MORTALS! I HAVE AN ORDER OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE FOR YOU. 
Mr. Banana: What is it, Mr. Delatorre?! 
Mr. Delatorre: There’s someone I need you to take care of. 
Mr. Biden: Are they a Palestinian? Don’t worry, I’m on it! 
Mr. Delatorre: Not this time. This person is the single most dangerous subversive in the entire world. 
[The scene cuts to Mr. Pineapple playing very badly with a guitar.] 
Mr. Pineapple: OH, IRENE’S NEW HAIR! IRENE’S NEW HAIR! 
[The scene cuts back to the Oval Office.] 
Mr. Banana: OF COURSE! THAT COMMUNIST PINEAPPLE, I SHOULD’VE KNOWN! 
Mr. Biden: Ms. Pineapple? Mr. Delatorre, you must be mistaken. Ms. Pineapple is a completely harmless and incredibly attractive teenage girl! 
Mr. Delatorre: He nuked the entire country. 
Mr. Biden: Everyone makes mistakes. 
Mr. Delatorre: He helped lead an attempted coup against you. 
Mr. Biden: I didn’t want to be president anyway. 
Mr. Delatorre: He blew up every mask and ventilator manufacturing plant in the country right when we were dealing with a deadly pandemic. 
Mr. Biden: It’s not like we were ever planning on seriously tackling the pandemic anyway. 
Mr. Delatorre: He re-enacted 9/11! 
Mr. Biden: She was simply trying to bring awareness to an important day in our country’s history. 
Mr. Delatorre: He made a diss track against me! 
Mr. Banana: LORD NEPTUNE! This guy is even more dangerous than I thought! I had no idea he dabbled in the dark arts. 
Mr. Delatorre: That’s why I’m ordering this administrator to capture and neutralize him immediately, for the safety of the entire world. 
Mr. Banana: On it! 
Mr. Biden: Nope. 
Mr. Banana: WHAT 
Mr. Delatorre: Excuse me? 
Mr. Banana: Uh, don’t listen to him, Mr. Delatorre. He’s just joking. 
Mr. Biden: I’m being completely serious. It’s not every day you meet a teenage girl like that. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I’m not blowing it just because she committed a couple of terrorist attacks! 
Mr. Delatorre: Mr. Biden, if Mr. Pineapple is not disposed of, I will see to it that this entire administration is liquidated. 
Mr. Biden: Fine with me. 
Mr. Banana: JOSEPH! 
Mr. Delatorre: [turns to Mr. Banana] You have 24 hours. 
[The monitor then turns off.] 
Mr. Banana: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! 
Mr. Biden: Mr. Banana, you know Ms. Pineapple is the love of my life! How would you feel if someone ordered you to kill Ms. Strawberry? 
Mr. Banana: Don’t compare a lovely, voluptuous, juicy fruit like Ms. Strawberry to a sick and deranged rabbit like Mr. Pineapple. 
Mr. Biden: I’d say she’s more of a chipmunk than a rabbit. 
Mr. Banana: It doesn’t matter what type of rodent they are. A commie is a commie. 
Mr. Biden: Actually, rabbits aren’t rodents. They’re lagomorphs. 
Mr. Banana: THAT’S NOT THE POINT! JUST GET RID OF THEM!
Mr. Biden: Nope. I refuse.
Mr. Banana: Then I guess I have no choice. CHILD SLAVE!
[A very hairy child appears at Mr. Banana’s command]
Mr. Biden: Does she have werewolf syndrome?
Mr. Banana: Indeed, and I know you can’t take your eyes off her.
Mr. Biden: Oh damn you’re right, she’s gorgeous with all that… HAIR.
Mr. Banana: Indeed, indeed. Now, if you dispose of Mr. Pineapple, I will let her be yours. But if you don’t, she’ll be back in the basement for the rest of her days.
Child: I have a name you know, it’s Gertrude.
Mr. Banana: Nobody asked, unnamed child. So, what’ll it be, Mr. Biden? The child, or Mr. Pineapple?
Mr. Biden: Mr. Banana, you know I could never let go of Ms. Pineapple! No offense, Gertrude. 
Gertrude: It’s fine. 
Mr. Biden: And why do you even have a child locked up in your basement anyway? 
Mr. Banana: So I can argue about politics with her! 
Gertrude: You know, I don’t really think life in prison is a proportionate punishment for knocking down a statue.
Mr. Banana: THAT’S IT, BACK IN THE BASEMENT! 
[Mr. Banana then turns around to see that Mr. Biden has disappeared.] 
Mr. Banana: Alright, everyone! Staff meeting! 
[The scene then cuts to Mr. Banana, Mr. G, Mr. Obama, and Mr. Fancyson sitting in the Oval Office.] 
Mr. Banana: I have called you all to this meeting to discuss a matter of utmost importance. We have received a call from Mr. Delatorre. 
[Everyone else gasps.]
Mr. Banana: Indeed. 
Mr. Fancyson: What does he want? 
Mr. Banana: He wants us to apprehend Mr. Pineapple. But there’s just one problem. STUPID MR. BIDEN DOESN’T WANT TO LET HIM GO!
Mr. Fancyson: The simp!
Mr. Banana: Indeed. We’re going to have to take care of him ourselves. 
Mr. Fancyson: Well that’s no problem. I have plenty of experience fucking children! 
Mr. Banana: I MEANT KILL HIM! 
Mr. G: Well that’s no problem. I have plenty of experience killing children! 
Mr. Banana: GREAT! Let’s get it done as soon as possible. 
[Cut to Mr. Pineapple’s house.] 
Mr. Pineapple: Time to post a new fanfiction on the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Fanon Wiki! 
[He takes out his computer, gasping.] 
Mr. Pineapple: What the?! Globalled again?! 
[Suddenly a bullet crashes through his window.] 
Mr. G: Goddamnit, I missed! 
Mr. Obama: Don’t worry Mr. G! Chasing after the children while they run away is part of the fun! 
Mr. Fancyson: Indeed. 
Mr. Obama: What the- Squilliam, you’re not part of this mission! 
Mr. Fancyson: Oh yeah.
[Mr. Pineapple then opens his door.] 
Mr. Pineapple: WOULD YOU STOP TRYING TO ASSASSINATE ME?! CAN’T YOU SEE I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF POSTING A NEW EPISODE ON THE MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY FANON WIKI?! 
[Mr. G shoots an explosive at him.] 
Mr. Pineapple: GAH! 
[He jumps out of the way, narrowly missing being hit.] 
Mr. Pineapple: FINE! If this is how it’s going to be, I guess I’ll just have to call my old partner! 
[Cut to the Griffins household. The doorbell can be heard and Mr. Griffin walks up to open the door, revealing Mr. Pineapple.] 
Mr. Griffin: Holy crap, Lois! It’s my former partner during the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, Travis Pineapple!
Mr. Pineapple: I remember my service in Afghanistan. Unlike the Bikini Bottom military however, I served to bring democracy, freedom, and socialism!
[Flashback to the 1980s, where Mr. Pineapple shoots a bunch of children.]
Mr. Pineapple: That'll teach those CIA insurgents…
[Cut back to the present.] 
Mr. Griffin: Ah yeah, those were good times. So what brings you to Rhode Island? 
Mr. Pineapple: I need your help! It appears that my old nemesis is after me again. 
Mr. Griffin: [gasps] You don’t mean…
Mr. Pineapple: The bronies. 
Mr. Griffin: Holy crap, that’s bad! Well, we’d better get going. 
Brian: Hey, can I come with? 
Mr. Griffin: Uh, Brian, you might not want to be here right now. 
Brian: What, why not? 
[Suddenly Mr. Apple charges into the room.]
Mr. Apple: COME HERE, PUPPY! 
Brian: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!
[Cut to Mr. Pineapple’s house.] 
Mr. Pineapple: Last time the bronies were after me they got a paramilitary of octopuses to hunt me down. Now they’ve got people at the highest levers of government after me! 
Mr. Griffin: [gasps] They’ve got the president on their side? 
Mr. Pineapple: Well…no. 
[The camera then pans out to reveal Mr. Biden, who is sitting in the room with them.] 
Mr. Pineapple: He’s actually on my side. 
[Mr. Griffin turns around to look at Mr. Biden.] 
Mr. Griffin: How did I not notice them? Travis, what are you talking about? You’ve got the president on your side! That’s huge! He’s the most powerful person in the government! 
Mr. Pineapple: Nope. Mr. Biden isn’t the one running the show! Mr. Banana is! And Mr. Banana answers to the bronies. 
[Suddenly Mr. Banana’s voice can be heard.] 
Mr. Banana: WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED! 
[The scene cuts to outside Mr. Pineapple’s house, which is surrounded by police cars. Mr. Banana is standing outside with a megaphone, along with Mr. G and Mr. Obama.] 
Mr. Banana: Do not resist. If you do, we will not hesitate to use lethal force. 
Mr. G: [grabs the megaphone] Please resist so we can use lethal force! 
Mr. Pineapple: [gulps] It looks like we’re done for. 
Mr. Biden: Don’t worry Ms. Pineapple, I’ll save you! 
[Mr. Biden runs outside.] 
Mr. Biden: I will not let you hurt her! You’ll never get past me! 
[The police all immediately begin shooting at him. He promptly dies.] 
Mr. Banana: Alright, let’s get past him. 
[Mr. Banana, Mr. G, and Mr. Obama all walk over to Mr. Pineapple’s house, stepping over Mr. Biden’s corpse. Mr. Banana kicks open the door.] 
Mr. Banana: You’re done for! 
Mr. Pineapple: [with tears in eyes] Welp, I guess this is the end. And I was so looking forward to bombing that children’s hospital tomorrow…
Mr. Obama: Don’t, uh, worry! We’ll bomb a, uh, children’s hospital in your honor! 
Mr. Pineapple: No, you guys will bomb the wrong children’s hospital!
Mr. Obama: Nonsense. Me and Mr. G only select the highest quality children’s hospitals to bomb. 
Mr. Banana: What is wrong with you two?! Do you know how many hours in productivity will be lost by you bombing a children’s hospital?! 
Mr. G: It’ll be a Palestinian children’s hospital. 
Mr. Banana: Oh, well that’s okay then. Anyway, back to the point! [points his gun at Mr. Pineapple and Mr. Griffin]
Mr. Griffin: Don’t worry, I know how to handle this! This is just like the time I witnessed Will Smith slap Chris Rock at the Oscars! 
[Cut to the Oscars, where Mr. Griffin and Mr. Pineapple have front row seats. Mr. Smith gets out of his chair, walks onto the stage, and slaps Mr. Rock.] 
Mr. Griffin: You know, I don’t really think that was justified. Yeah sure the joke was offensive, but does it really warrant violence? 
Mr. Pineapple: Pft, I’m all for violence against citizens of the imperial core, no matter what the circumstances! In fact, I have a bomb planted under this place set to go off in 30 seconds! 
Mr. Griffin: Wait, what?!
Mr. Pineapple: Yep! Also, I don't see the resemblance between Will Smith hitting Chris Rock and us being surrounded by cops. 
Mr. Griffin: I just said that so we could escape. 
[Cut back to Mr. Pineapple's house] 
Mr. G: Well that’s not fair. 
Mr. Banana: OUT OF MY WAY, OUT OF MY WAY! I know how to handle this! This is just like the time I apprehended Mr. Pineapple and handed him over to Mr. Delatorre! 
[The scene then cuts to Mr. Delatorre holding up a cage of Mr. Pineapple along with Mr. Banana.] 
Mr. Delatorre: Great work, Mr. Banana! For your service, I shall promote you President of the United States! 
Mr. Griffin: Phew, well it’s a good thing we switched to another cutaway gag before the bomb went off.
[Suddenly Mr. Biden barges in.] 
Mr. Biden: Not so fast, Jack! This reminds me of the time I was in bed with Ms. Pineapple! 
[Suddenly Mr. Pineapple appears in bed, along with a naked Mr. Biden.] 
Mr. Pineapple: AHHHHHHHHH! THIS IS EVEN WORSE! THIS REMINDS ME OF THE TIME I WAS CAPTURED BY MR. DELATORRE! 
[Mr. Pineapple appears back in Mr. Delatorre’s cage.] 
Mr. Pineapple: Oh thank goodness. 
[Suddenly Mr. R'Onion bursts into the room.] 
Mr. R’Onion: This reminds me of the time I ended the Plant Genocide! 
[The scene cuts to starving children. Mr. Lobster then enters the scene, kicking one of the children off camera.] 
Mr. Lobster: Out of my way, you wussy liberals! This reminds me of the time I OVERTHREW BIDEN’S ILLEGITIMATE DICTATORSHIP AND BROUGHT THE TRUE PRESIDENT OF BIKINI BOTTOM BACK TO POWER! 
[The scene cuts to Mr. Trump and Mr. Lobster in the Oval Office. Mr. Biden and Mr. Banana are being dragged out by two fish with several fascist insignia tattooed all over them.] 
Mr. Banana: NO, NOOOOOOO!!! 
Mr. Biden: Eh, I didn’t really like this job anyway. 
Mr. G: [glances at Mr. Trump]: Soooo I can still kill civilians, right?
Mr. Pineapple: This reminds me of the time this episode was over. 
[The episode ends.]
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom