Sadie, Clara, and Alice/Arcade

== Drawn to Murder ==
=== Prologue ===
(We cut to a purple, vertically fading into pink, into sky blue, book with a silver-colored spine on a floral pattern. On the cover are the words "THE STORY OF SADIE, CLARA, AND ALICE." The book slowly opens, taking us to a cartoon illustration of Sadie, Clara, and Alice in civilian clothes picking out clothes to buy at a department store located within the Nwotnoot Mall.)
I bet you weren't expecting our good Canadian sperg friend, Chris F. Clarke, to include multiple characters at the same time in the same roster slot, were you? That's a shit-ass lot of work if you ask me. ...Anyways, Sadie, Clara, and Alice aren't your basic, average teenage girls.
(The page turns in the book to reveal a cartoon illustration of the girls' shopping being interrupted when they receive a call from their boss, Gary, on Sadie's compact phone gadget. He, a balding, middle-aged British man with a thin mustache in a faded dark blue suit, appears from the shoulders up as a hologram generated by said gadget.)
Now, allow me to explain to you why. These three BFF's are known collectively as the spy team, Fuck Force Three, who spend their lives going on all kinds of super-secret spy missions together for their boss, Gary, but this next one is undoubtedly going to be a big, long, and hard one.
(The page turns in the book again, but this time, a cartoon illustration of Sadie, Clara, and Alice jumping out of a spy-movie-style plane and skydiving high up in the sky, having not yet deployed their parachutes.)
Lately, they've been assigned to track down the Nothingness and put an end to his diabolical scheme to destroy the very ink of cartoonkind, and they sure as fuck won't fuck it up! ...That is, assuming you can handle your chosen Arcade Mode difficulty setting. Godspeed, Fuck Force Three!
=== Rival Battle - vs. Picasso and Matisse ===
(Cut to a theatre stage in front of a row of seats, where the spy girl trio and the ninja turtles stand a foot away from each other, looking at each other.)
* Clara: Oh, puh-LEASE! Of all the enemies we could've fought, why turtles?
* Sadie: Yeah. Such straaaange enemies indeed.
* Picasso: Because these ones you see here? (he and Matisse draw and showcase their respective weapons) We've got mad-ass fucking skills in the art of the ninja!
* Matisse: So, don't underestimate us!
* Sadie: Well, in that case... Why don't we show you who people'd rather watch: spies...
(The three spy-girls then go into their fighting stances.)
* Alice: Or ninjas?
* Picasso: Three against two? (as he and Matisse go into their fighting stances) Now, this is gonna be a REAL challenge!
=== Final Boss - vs. the Nothingness ===
(After the fight, a badly-beaten Picasso and Matisse are down on one knee and one hand.)
* Sadie: You know, I never did expect you guys to be just as efficient in combat as we are.
* Picasso: Nor did we expect... to get our asses fucked up... by dudettes.
* Matisse: Ugh... Same here, dude.
* Clara: And, it's pretty obvious spies make better TV show heroes than...
(A portal then materializes under the spy-girls' feet, and they falls into it, screaming as they does so, during which the background turns completely black. Four seconds later, they falls hard onto the rocky terrain of the Nothingness' cave, creating holes in the shape of their bodies there, then get out of the holes and onto the rocky terrain.)
* Sadie: Damn, I wish Gary'd provided us a teleportation gadget to get us the fuck out of here...
* Alice: Yeah, totally.
(Then, the Nothingness shows up out of nowhere, approaching the spy-girls.)
* Nothingness: Ugh... I can't seriously believe a trio of teenage penis-parker versions of Charlie's Angels would show up right the fuck out of nowhere and interrupt me right in the middle of plotting to endanger cartoon existence... Just like my mother when she caught me rocking out to Nirvana when I was supposed to be in bed!
(A cutaway gag takes us to the Nothingness' teenage years in the '90s, where he, in his bedroom, is seen up past his bedtime rocking out to Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" as it blares out of a boombox.)
* Teen Nothingness: (singing along) ♪ With the lights out, it's less dangerous! Here we are, now. Entertain us! I feel stupid and contagious! Here we are, now. Enter... ♪
(Then, his mother comes in with a cranky look on her face, catching him in the act. She looks like a female version of the Nothingness as an adult and wears her hair in a beehive, as well as a pink nightgown.)
* Mama Nothingness (voiced by Annie Leake via archive audio from the Hancock episode, "The Radio Ham"): (pulling the radio plug) Would you stop playing with that radio of yours? I'm trying to get to sleep!
* Teen Nothingness: SHUT THE FUCK UP, MOM!!
(Back to the final boss battle.)
* Clara: Yeah, that's what everyone thinks of the existing cartoon characters we ripped off just because our team name is Fuck Force Three. I mean, look at these latexish, fetishish spy-suits we're wearing!
* Alice: Well, it's a good thing you don't see our nipples poking out of them or whatnot, because, otherwise, viewers might end up getting the wrong ideas about us!
* Nothingness: They're probably all a little too testosterone-laden for their own good. Not to mention the fact that you three spend your episodes getting roped up, and brainwashed, and fattened up, and turned into furries, and shit as a way to pander to their weird fetishes!
* Sadie: Yeah, but we always manage to find a way out of those kind of freaky situations.
* Nothingness: Oh, really? Speaking of which... Here's a fun idea: Why don't I call an adult animation network and ask them to do a show that focuses entirely on the weird kinks I explained to you earlier on in this final boss battle, and nothing else? You three get to be the stars!
* Sadie: ...All right, you know what? When we're done with you, it'll be mission accomplished for sure!
* Alice: Yeah. If I wanted to touch someone THIS nasty with a ten-foot pole... (all three girls go into their fighting stances) I'd go watch Pamela Anderson show her Blue Waffle uncensored on live TV! (the game backs out of Alice's cutaway gag idea, instead showing a black screen with white text which reads "Yeah sorry no," during which a record scratch can be heard)
* Nothingness: You'd better be prepared for what's about to happen should you lose this final boss battle. (going into his fighting stance) Today won't be a lucky day for all of cartoonkind!
=== Ending ===
* Nothingness: No! How dare you...?! (singing) Oh, what a world, what a world! I'm getting fucking erased! Who would've thought a twat like you could beat the shit out of my.... faaaaaace? (disappears completely once the erasers have finished erasing him)
(We're then taken to the cargo hold of Sadie, Clara, and Alice's spy plane as it flies very high up in the sky.)
* Clara: Maybe we should go hang out at the mall, like we always do. I hear Stacy's offers a 10% discount for all customers who show up in the store while wearing pink today.
* Alice: OK. So... What's today, Clara?
* Clara: Wednesday.
* Sadie: Sounds like a plan to...
(The girls receive a call from Gary on Sadie's compact phone gadget.)
* Sadie: ...Geez, what now?
* Gary (voiced by Jess Harnell): Bravo, ladies! You did a marvelous job of ending the threat of this Nothingness fellow, and now, thanks to you, all of cartoonkind is safe and sound. You girls have a new mission now.
* Sadie: Another mission?! God, this is getting more repetitive than Native American radio.
(A cutaway gag takes us to a radio station whose host, Tim E. Runningthin, an elderly Native American man with long white hair, is sitting behind the microphone at his desk.)
* Tim E. Runningthin (voiced by Bill Hader in a manner reminiscent of Firewater from Sausage Party): And now, for the #1 most popular song for the 10,282nd week in a row: "Huyah, Huyah, Huyah!" (pushes a button, playing a song that consists entirely of Native American chanting of "huyah, huyah, huyah, huyah...." on the radio)
(Back to the plane's cargo hold.)
* Gary: (sigh) Well, I'm afraid it'll be even more challenging than the last one.
* Clara: Ugh, whaddya mean?
* Gary: I've heard a director in Vancouver named Auguste Abouteman wants to do a film starring a good number of this game's characters (that includes the three of you), and then screen it for kids all over Canada when it is released to the public.
* Sadie: Oh, is that so? If I wanted to see children be treated so inhumanely, I'd go watch "We Need to Talk About Kevin Spacey!" (the game backs out of Sadie's cutaway gag idea, instead showing the "Yeah sorry no" screen, during which, same as last time, a record scratch can be heard)
(Back to the plane's cargo hold.)
* Gary: Well, good luck out there, and godspeed, Fuck Force Three!
* Sadie: ...Well, in that case, this calls for a little spy show music as an accompaniment! Who's got the boombox gadget ready?
* Alice: You can count on me for the job.
* Sadie: And.... hit it!
(Alice turns on the boombox, and Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" blares out of it.)
* Clara: (annoyed) Seriously, Alice!? In addition to me not liking this song, how. The fuck. Is this SPY SHOW MUSIC!? Geez, you're such a screw-up. Like Hamlet when he ad-libbed his killing-Claudius line.
(A cutaway gag takes us to Act V, Scene II of Hamlet, where the title character holds a goblet full of poisoned wine to an already-wounded Claudius' mouth in preparation to finish him off.)
* Hamlet: (in a poor imitation of Inigo Montoya's (from The Princess Bride) Spanish accent) My name is Hamlet, Jr., guy. You killed my dad. Prepare to die. (forces the poisoned wine down Claudius' throat, killing him)
* William Shakespeare (voiced by Tom Kane): Ugh, for the last time, Hamlet, the line is "Here, thou incestuous, murderous, damned Dane. Drink off this potion. Is thy union here? Follow my mother."
(Cut back to the plane's cargo hold.)
* Alice: (turning off the music) Oh, shit, oh, shit! I'm sorry. I must have put the tape in on the wrong side or something by mistake. Silly me! (flips the tape, puts it back in the boombox, and plays it again, but this time, the spy show music she was supposed to play blares out this time)
* Sadie: Yeah, that's better. Now, let's go, girls! Vancouver's waiting for us!
* Clara and Alice: (in unison) Right behind you! (all three girls then jump out of the plane's cargo hold before we fade to black)
* Clara: (off-screen) Ugh, girls! With all due respect, couldn't we have waited for the plane to drop us off in Vancouver like normal people?
* Alice: (also off-screen) Aw, where's the fun in that?
Category:Drawn to Murder
Category:Arcade