Kairi meets The Seven Woodland Animals

Back at the now-clean cottage Kairi (dressed in a purple T-shirt and matching pants) held a lit candle in her hands and walked over the stairs with Brer Rabbit (in the nude), Brer Fox (dressed in a pair of forest green pajama pants, revealing his bare, slender stomach and chest), Brer Bear (dressed in a lavender nightshirt and matching nightcap), Brer Frog (dressed in pale chartreuse-green pajamas that consists of a jacket with buttons and pants), and the other critters. "Let's see what's upstairs." Kairi told her friends, as she led them upstairs and into a small room. Only Brer Terrapin didn't come upstairs; he was knocked backwards. So he decided to climb up the stairs himself. "Oh, what adorable beds!" she squealed, as she noticed seven beds against the walls.
"And look, they have their names carved on them." Kairi said to the critters, rabbit, fox, bear, and frog. "Smart Guy, Greasy, Psycho, Stupid. What funny names for children! she giggled while she continued reading the remaining names on the beds. "Warren T. Rat, Simon Seville, and Wheezy."
Kairi yawned and rubbed her eyes. "I'm a little sleepy myself." Brer Rabbit, Brer Fox, Brer Bear, Brer Frog, and the other critters began to yawn as well. "Oh! Oh!" Kairi lay down across Smart Guy's bed, Warren T. Rat's bed, and Psycho's bed. As Kairi fell asleep, Mr. Bluebird put out the candle while the three hummingbirds covered up the sleeping little girl. Soon, Brer Rabbit, Brer Fox, Brer Bear, Brer Frog, and the critters fell asleep on the other woodland animals' beds as well.
As Brer Terrapin was still climbing up the stairs, music began to fill the bedroom as the seven woodland animals came closer and closer to the cottage.
Smart Guy, Warren T. Rat, Greasy, Wheezy, Simon, Psycho, and Stupid: Hi-hoHi-hoHi-hoHi-ho
As the music got louder, Brer Rabbit, Brer Fox, Brer Bear, Brer Frog, and the critters woke up and jumped off the beds.
Smart Guy, Warren T. Rat, Greasy, Wheezy, Simon, Psycho, and Stupid: Hi-hoHi-ho
Brer Rabbit, Brer Fox, Brer Bear, Brer Frog, and the critters ran out of the beds and down the stairs, knocking over Brer Terrapin again. Then they ran over to the window and saw the woodland animals come closer and closer to the cottage.
Smart Guy, Warren T. Rat, Greasy, Wheezy, Simon, Psycho, and Stupid: Hi-hoHi-hoIt's home from work we goHi-hoHi-ho!Hi-hoHi-hoHi-hoHeigh-hoHi-hoHi-hoIt's home from work we go
As the singing grew louder, Brer Rabbit, Brer Fox, Brer Bear, Brer Frog, and the critters ran out of the cottage, forgetting that they had knocked over Brer Terrapin.
Smart Guy, Warren T. Rat, Greasy, Wheezy, Simon, Psycho, and Stupid: Hi-hoHi-hoHi-hoHi-hoHi-hoHi-hoHi-hoHi-hoIt's home from work we go
Brer Rabbit, Brer Fox, Brer Bear, Brer Frog, and the critters ran back into the forest, making sure the woodland animals didn't see them.
Smart Guy, Warren T. Rat, Greasy, Wheezy, Simon, Psycho, and Stupid: Hi-hoHi-hoHi-hoHi-hoIt's home from work we goHi-hoHi-hoHi-hoHi...
"Look!" yelled Smart Guy, as he stopped walking and pointed to their house, causing the other weasels, chipmunk, and cat to bump right into him. "Our house! The lit's light... Uh, the light's lit!" Smart Guy told his friends in shock.
The weasels, chipmunk, and cat poked their heads out from behind three different trees. "Jiminy Cricket!" they gasped. "The door is open." said Smart Guy. "The chimney's smoking." said Greasy. "Something's in there." said Psycho. "Maybe a ghost." suggested Greasy. "Or a goblin." suggested Simon. "A demon." suggested Smart Guy. "Or a dragon." suggested Psycho. "Mark my words, there's trouble a-brewin'!" warned Warren T. Rat. "I felt it coming all day." He lifted up his right foot and pointed to it. "My paws hurt!" he nodded in a haughty way.
"Gosh." said Simon. "That's a bad sign." said Psycho. "What will we do?" Warren T. Rat, Greasy, Wheezy, Simon, Psycho, and Stupid asked in unison. "Let's sneak up on it." suggested Simon. "Yes. We'll, uh, squeak up... Sneak up." said Smart Guy before he cleared his throat. "Come on, guys. Follow me."
So armed with their pickaxes, Smart Guy, Warren T. Rat, Greasy, Wheezy, Simon, Psycho, and Stupid snuck to the front of their cottage and looked inside. "Psst!" whispered Smart Guy, as he snuck into the cottage with the other weasels, chipmunk, and cat right behind him.
When they were all the way in the cottage, Stupid slammed the door behind him. The other weasels, chipmunk, and cat scrambled around in terror, ready to attack. "Shhhhhh!" They all shushed Stupid, startling him. "Shhhh!" Stupid shushed the door, as well. "Duh, why did I have to shush the others?" he said to himself.
"Careful, everyone. Search every cook and nanny... Hook and granny... Crooked fan... Search everywhere." Smart Guy told his friends, as they split up and began to seach the entire downstairs for whoever was in the cottage besides them. But all they found was a clean cottage.
Smart Guy pointed to the floor with Simon and Psycho right behind him. "Look! The floor, it's been swept!" They looked at the floor with suspicion.
Warren T. Rat wiped his fingertip over one of the chairs. "Hah!" he exclaimed, "Chair's been dusted!"
Greasy looked at the clean window and opened it. "Our window's been washed."
"Gosh, our cobwebs are missing." gasped Simon.
Smart Guy looked surprised. "Why, why, why, why, the whole place is clean!" he said.
"There's dirty work afoot." Warren T. Rat said with determination, as Smart Guy nodded at him.
Psycho looked in the sink to see that it was bare. "Sink's empty. Hey! Somebody stole our dishes!" he cried.
"They're not stolen, they're put away." Greasy said, pointing to the cupboard with his thumb.
Simon took out his clean light blue cup. "My cup's been washed." he said. Then, he swiped around the inside of the cup with a finger and sadly said, "Suger's gone."
Greasy and Stupid were standing by a cauldron that was cooking over the fire in the fireplace. "Something's cooking." said Greasy, as he and Stupid sniffed the air. "Smells good." He grabbed a spoon and was about to taste what was inside the cauldron before Warren T. Rat stomped towards him and Stupid.
"Don't touch it, you fools!" snapped Warren T. Rat, as he shoved the two weasels aside from the pot. "Might be poison." The pot's contents hissed with steam, and the lid rattled. "See?" Warren T. Rat explained, "It's witch's brew."
"Look what's happened to our stable... Uh, table." said Smart Guy, as he noticed the now-clean table with clean dishes and a vase filled with white daisies and red roses on it.
Simon stared at the flowers that had been put in the vase and took them out.
"Flowers!" he exclaimed, as he took a sniff.
Psycho looked at him. "Huh?"
"Look! Honeysuckle!" He shoved the honeysuckle flowers in the weasel's face, causing him to push the honeysuckle away and step back.
"Don't do it! Take them away!" sputtered the insane weasel. "My allergies! I'm allergic to pollen! You know I can't stand it! I ca- I ca-"
The poor insane weasel, was about to sneeze until the other weasels, the chipmunk, and the cat rushed to stop him from sneezing.
"Look out!"
"I know how to stop him!"
"No! Hold his nose!"
"Don't let go!"
The six woodland animals stopped him from doing so by putting their forefingers under his nose. Psycho sighed. "Thanks, guys; I'm OK now." With that, the other woodland animals walked away.
But he wasn't OK, oh no!
"AAAAAHHHHHH-CHOO!!!!"
With a great sneeze, he blew out a mighty gust of air that sent Stupid, Simon, Greasy, and Smart Guy flying off their feet. Only Warren T. Rat managed to keep his feet on the ground and across the room.
"Hey!" He fought against the wind by walking towards Psycho, holding onto his top hat.
Wheezy and the other four woodland animals crashed against the wall and ended up in a big pile. They shushed Psycho, who rubbed his nose with a finger.
The disguised cat angrily stomped towards Psycho. "Psycho, you imbecilic buffoon!" he shouted, "Why did you have to sneeze?"
"I'm sorry, I can't help it. You know I'm allergic to pollen." declared Psycho, "It's natural, so when you gotta, you gotta."
Then he felt another sneeze coming on. "Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah! Oh, it's coming!"
Psycho was going to sneeze again until Smart Guy, Warren T. Rat, Greasy, Wheezy, Simon, and Stupid piled on top of him and tied his straitjacket around his nose to stop him from sneezing again.
"Get him!" Simon shouted.
"Don't let him!" cried Wheezy.
"Duh, tie it tight!" Stupid wailed.
"I'll make a hard knot!" said Greasy, "There! That oughta hold him!"
"Thanks again." sighed Psycho just before Greasy shushed him again.
"Quiet, you fool!" Warren T. Rat snapped indignantly, "Do you wanna get us all killed?"
Suddenly, three mole girls, who were hiding in the rafters, looked at each other and smiled before they tapped on a wall, causing the woodland animals to look around the room, thinking that the creature was in the room.
"Wh-wh-what's that?" gasped Psycho.
"That's it!" Smart Guy whispered to his friends.
"The monster is in this very room right now." added Warren T. Rat.
Then the three mole girls gave a loud shriek causing the woodland animals to run around the room, scared and hiding in different places.
Psycho hid in a pot.
Greasy hid behind a chair.
Wheezy hid in a bucket with a broom on his head.
Stupid hid in a woodpile with an axe on one of the logs.
Warren T. Rat hid in a sack of potatoes.
Simon hid under the stairs.
Smart Guy and his friends crawled out of their hiding places and tiptoed towards the steps where Simon was hiding. "It's up there." Smart Guy said, pointing up the stairs.
"Yeah. In the bedroom." said Wheezy.
"One of us has to go down and chase it up. Up. Down." said Smart Guy, as the others nodded in unison. Then they turned their heads toward Stupid, who tried to escape. "I'm, duh, outta here!"
Smart Guy handed Stupid the candle. "Here, take it."
"But I don't, duh, want to do it." said Stupid, sweating buckets.
"Don't be nervous," Smart Guy smiled. "Don't be afraid. We're right behind you."
"Yes," Warren T. Rat, Greasy, Wheezy, Simon, and Psycho added. "Right behind you."
Stupid took a deep breath and nodded. "Duh, OK." Nervously, he flew up the stairs, pushed opened the door, and looked into the room.
As Stupid spun in the room, he heard a groaning noise as he saw Kairi stretching with the covers over her. "DUH, IT'S A MONSTER!" screamed a terrified Stupid, as he ran right back down the stairs where the other woodland animals were waiting.
But Smart Guy, Warren T. Rat, Greasy, Wheezy, Simon, and Psycho thought Stupid was the monster, so they ran out of the cottage and locked Stupid in the cottage. Finally, Stupid pulled so hard that he broke the door knob and ended up falling into the pots and pans, making him look like a monster.
As he ran out of the house, Smart Guy, Warren T. Rat, Greasy, Wheezy, Simon, and Psycho were hiding behind a tree. "Here it comes!" gasped Psycho. "Now's our chance." said Greasy. The two weasels and the rest of the woodland animals were ready to attack the creature.
"Give it to 'im!" Smart Guy shouted.
"Don't let him get away!" cried Simon.
"Take that, and that, and that!" snapped Wheezy.
But when they did, they ended up knocking all of the pots and pans off of Stupid. "Hold on there. It's only Stupid." said Smart Guy.
The woodland animals began to ask Stupid what the monster looked like, but they kept asking their questions all at the same time confusing the little weasel.
"Was it a dragon?" asked Psycho.
"Has it got horns?" Warren T. Rat questioned in wonder, as Stupid put two index fingers on top of his head and wiggled them.
"Was it breathing fire?" Greasy wanted to know, as Stupid stuck his tongue out and spat. Stupid's tongue then started to emit saliva.
"Was it droolin'?" Wheezy asked.
"What was it doin'?" questioned Simon.
Finally, Stupid managed to tell them that the monster was sleeping in their beds.
"Duh, like this." Stupid demonstrated by tilting his head to the right, putting it on his clasped hands, closing his eyes, and snoring.
"He says it's a-a monster...asleep...in our beds." said Smart Guy.
Psycho called out, "Let's grab it while it's sleeping!"
"Yeah, while it's sleeping!" agreed the six woodland animals in unison.
"Hurry, men!" Smart Guy ordered, "It's now or never!"
"Off with his head!" Greasy yelled.
"Break it to pieces!" Psycho yelled.
"Chop it to pieces." Wheezy corrected.
"Don't stop until it's dead!" Warren T. Rat agreed.
They marched back inside the cottage. Stupid was the last one to go into the cottage, his foot still caught in a pot.
Cautiously, Smart Guy, Warren T. Rat, Greasy, Wheezy, Simon, Psycho, and Stupid entered their bedroom, where Kairi was still moaning and stretching under the covers.
"Jiminy Cricket!" gasped Psycho.
"Gosh!" added Simon.
"Gee!" Wheezy explained.
"Duh, what a monster!" Stupid exclaimed.
"And it's sleeping on my bed!" complained Warren T. Rat.
"Let's kill it before it wakes up!" a determined Smart Guy exclaimed.
"Which end do we kill?" asked Greasy.
Smart Guy, Warren T. Rat, Wheezy, Simon, Psycho, and Stupid glared at him.
Then the seven woodland animals rushed towards their beds, holding up their weapons (pickaxes, clubs, swords, and whatnots). When Smart Guy pulled off the covers, he and the other woodland animals were amazed to see little Kairi snoozing peacefully.
Smart Guy pointed to the dark auburn-haired girl. "Why!"
"What is it?" asked Simon.
"Why it-it-it's a girl! And she's got auburn hair!" stuttered Smart Guy.
"She sure is purdy!" Psycho gushed.
"She's beautiful," Simon beamed with hearts in his eyes. "Just like an angel."
"Angel? Ha!" Warren T. Rat scoffed. "She's a female and all females are poison! They're full of wicked wiles!"
"What are wicked wiles?' asked Simon.
"I don't know, but I'm against 'em, you know!" Warren T. Rat remarked the skunk.
Smart Guy shushed the disguised cat, "Not so loud! You'll wake her up!"
"Oh, let her wake up! She don't belong here no how!" Warren T. Rat complained loudly.
Smart Guy, Greasy, Wheezy, Simon, Psycho, and Stupid glared at Warren T. Rat and shushed him again.
The woodland animals saw Kairi moving around. "Look out!" Wheezy cried, "She's moving!"
"What'll we do?" Psycho gasped, hugging Simon.
"She's scratching herself!" Greasy noted, as he saw Kairi scratching her head.
"Duh, she's really waking up!" Stupid guessed.
"Hide!" Smart Guy cried. He and the other woodland animals scrambled around, and, eventually, they all hid at the foot of the beds.
Kairi woke up and yawned. "Oh, dear. I wonder if the children are. . . oh!" As she noticed the heads of the seven woodland animals she gasped in shock, and she grabbed the covers to cover up needlessly, since she was still wearing her pajamas. Of course, Kairi realized that a teenaged girl like herself couldn't have men see her in her pajamas. "Why, you're five weasels, a chipmunk, and a cat! How do you do?"
The woodland animals popped their heads up from under the foot of the bed and looked at each other sceptically.
"I said, how do you do?" Kairi repeated.
"How do ya do what?" snapped Warren T. Rat, angrily crossing his arms.
Kairi laughed. "Oh, you can talk! I'm so glad! Now don't tell me who ya are. Let me guess." She looked around and said to Smart Guy. "I know, you're Smart Guy Weasel."
"Why-why, yes, yes. That's true. I used to work for the evil Judge Doom, but now, I'm one of the good guys." said the weasel.
Then she looked at the chipmunk with glasses. "And you," she said. "You're Simon Seville."
Simon's face turned beet red. "Oh, gosh!" he giggled bashfully while playing with his sweater.
The little auburn-haired girl looked at the blue-gray weasel, who was yawning. "And you, you're Wheezy Weasel."
"How'd you guess?" said the blue-gray weasel, smacking his lips.
Kairi looked at the insane weasel. "And you?"
"Ah...ah...ah...ah..." Psycho was about to sneeze before Warren T. Rat and Stupid stopped him with the finger trick. "You're Psycho Weasel." Kairi smiled. Psycho sighed after Warren T. Rat and Stupid removed their fingers from his nose. But before anything else could happen,...
"Ah-choo!" Psycho sneezed, causing the young girl and the rest of the woodland animals to giggle.
Kairi then looked at the black-haired weasel and the fat weasel. "And you must be..."
"Greasy Weasel, senora," said the black-haired weasel. "That's me."
"And I'm Stupid Weasel." said the fat weasel. "I don't go to school."
"You mean you can't go to school?" Kairi asked hopefully.
"I don't know," said Stupid. "I never tried." Smart Guy, Greasy, Wheezy, Simon, and Psycho only laughed.
"That's too bad!" Kairi said sadly.
Then she turned to look at the disguised cat, who crossed his arms in defiance. "Oh! You must be Warren T. Rat."
"Who's that?" Smart Guy asked, as he pointed to Warren T. Rat while he and the remaining woodland animals laughed.
"We know who we are," exclaimed Warren T. Rat. "Ask her who she is and what she's doing here."
"Yes," Smart Guy said briskly. "What are you and who are you doing here? What are you..."
Finally, Smart Guy managed to change from a sharp tone of voice to a kind one. "Who are you, my dear?" he asked politely.
"Oh, how silly of me!" the auburn-haired girl said. "I'm Kairi."
"Kairi?" asked Smart Guy.
"The princess?" the other woodland animals asked in unison.
"Yes!"
"Well," Smart Guy smiled before stuttering a bit. "My dear quincess...er, I mean princess, we're honored. We're...um...We're...um..."
"Mad as hornets!" Warren T. Rat finished.
"Mad as hornets!" Smart Guy repeated. But then, he snapped out of what Warren T. Rat saying and got back to what he was saying. "No, we're not! We're bad as cornets, no, as 
bad as...What was I saying?"
"Nothing!" Warren T. Rat growled, "Just standing there sputterin' like a doodlebug!"
"Who's butterin' like a spoodledug? Who's rud, uh...the gutter bug?" Smart Guy snapped.
"Ah, shut up and tell her to get out!" Warren T. Rat snapped.
"Please don't send me away!" Kairi begged the woodland animals. "If you do, do, she'll kill me!"
"Kill you?" gasped Smart Guy.
"Who will?" asked Greasy.
"Yes, who?" added Simon.
"My stepmother, Eris." Kairi said.
"Eris?!?!?!" gasped all seven woodland animals in unison.
"She's wicked!" gasped Simon.
"She's bad!" Greasy said.
"She's mighty mean," Psycho cried.
"She's an old witch!" Warren T. Rat added, "I'm warning you guys! If Eris finds her here, she'll swoop down and reek her vengeance on us!"
Kairi shook her head. "But she doesn't know where I am."
"Oh, she doesn't, huh?" Warren T. Rat yelled angrily. "She knows everything! She's full of black magic. She can even make herself invisible! Might be in this room, right now!"
The woodland animals looked around nervously. Stupid lifted up Greasy's coat. "Stop that!" Greasy conked the fat weasel on the head with his fist.
"Oh, she'll never find me here. And if you let me stay, I'll keep house for you," Kairi suggested, "I'll wash, and sew, and sweep, and cook. . ."
"Cook!" All seven woodland animals exclaimed in unison.
"Can ya make dapple lumplings, lupple damplings?" Smart Guy stuttered.
"Apple dumplings!" Warren T. Rat and Wheezy corrected him in unison.
"Yes, Crapple Dumpkings." said Smart Guy.
"Yes," said Kairi, "and plum pudding, and gooseberry pie,..."
"Gooseberry pie?" all the seven woodland animals (except Warren T. Rat) cheered, "Hurray, she stays!"
Category:Fan Fiction
Category:Snow White Fanmake
Category:Snow White spoofs
Category:Snow White
Category:Snow White Parodies