DrillGirl Saves Santa Claus!/Transcript

Speaker 	Line
[Opening sequence plays. Cut to title card. Beginning of episode 3.] 	[Opening sequence plays. Cut to title card. Beginning of episode 3.]
[Exterior shot of the school on a sunny day. Cicadas are whirring, and Raven is in class, looking bored. The bell rings.] 	[Exterior shot of the school on a sunny day. Cicadas are whirring, and Raven is in class, looking bored. The bell rings.]
Mr. Ryu 	Okay, that's all for today. Thank you for showing up to class even though it's Christmas Eve Eve. I hope you have a wonderful holiday. ...Seeing that it's Christmas tomorrow.
Baby Hair Man 	IT'S CHRISTMAS TOMORROW?!
[The class goes into an uproar upon hearing this. Raven gasps and looks outside to find that it's snowing. Students pour out of the school. The camera pans up as Santa Claus laughs, and then pans back down to a snowy beach as "Sparkle On Forever" begins playing.] 	[The class goes into an uproar upon hearing this. Raven gasps and looks outside to find that it's snowing. Students pour out of the school. The camera pans up as Santa Claus laughs, and then pans back down to a snowy beach as "Sparkle On Forever" begins playing.]
Raven 	♪ It's Christmas time and that means summer fun ♪
[As Raven sings, the camera pulls back to reveal that she's wearing a wearing a swimsuit with a scarf over top. The visuals match the activities she sings about.] 	[As Raven sings, the camera pulls back to reveal that she's wearing a wearing a swimsuit with a scarf over top. The visuals match the activities she sings about.]
Raven 	♪ We're on winter break and we're out in the sun ♪♪ We're walking on the boardwalk and our tidings are gay ♪♪ Eating summer fruitcake, catchin' holiday waves ♪♪ Nothing would be better than to sparkle on together with you ♪
[Cut to Berrycream Frosting, who is in full winter attire.] 	[Cut to Berrycream Frosting, who is in full winter attire.]
Berrycream 	♪ There's snow on the ground and there's salt in the air ♪♪ Having snowball fights and getting sand in our hair ♪
[Cut to Dark Shi, in her usual outfit.] 	[Cut to Dark Shi, in her usual outfit.]
Dark Shi 	♪ Hanging decorations from coconut trees ♪
[Cut to Strawberry, also in winter clothing.] 	[Cut to Strawberry, also in winter clothing.]
Strawberry 	♪ We're all bundled up ♪
[Pan to Ryan Sasuke, who is sweating profusely.] 	[Pan to Ryan Sasuke, who is sweating profusely.]
Ryan Sasuke 	♪ But it's a hundred degrees ♪
[Cut to Raven, Berrycream, and Dark Shi sitting on a towel underneath a palm tree.] 	[Cut to Raven, Berrycream, and Dark Shi sitting on a towel underneath a palm tree.]
Raven, Berrycream, and Dark Shi 	♪ Nothing would be better than to sparkle on together with you ♪
[The camera pans upward as they sing.] 	[The camera pans upward as they sing.]
Raven, Berrycream, and Dark Shi 	♪ Nothing would be better than to sparkle on together with you! ♪
[As the song ends, the camera pans back down to a far shot of the beach. Raven is drinking hot cocoa from a mug with a straw and an umbrella. Berrycream emerges from the water nearby, fully dressed and floating with an inner tube.] 	[As the song ends, the camera pans back down to a far shot of the beach. Raven is drinking hot cocoa from a mug with a straw and an umbrella. Berrycream emerges from the water nearby, fully dressed and floating with an inner tube.]
Berrycream 	Come on in, Raven! The water is freezing!
Raven 	In a second. I just have to get dressed.
[Raven applies sunscreen to her arms, and then zips up a winter coat, stiffly walking toward the water. Nearby, Dark Shi is standing on top of a snow-capped hill, wearing swimming trunks and sandals, with one foot on her flame-decorated snowboard. She begins boarding down the mountain. Cut to Strawberry, building a snowman out of sand. She places a nearby top hat on its head, and it magically comes to life, looking like Frosty the Snowman and speaking in the voice of Homer Simpson.] 	[Raven applies sunscreen to her arms, and then zips up a winter coat, stiffly walking toward the water. Nearby, Dark Shi is standing on top of a snow-capped hill, wearing swimming trunks and sandals, with one foot on her flame-decorated snowboard. She begins boarding down the mountain. Cut to Strawberry, building a snowman out of sand. She places a nearby top hat on its head, and it magically comes to life, looking like Frosty the Snowman and speaking in the voice of Homer Simpson.]
Frosty 	Hello, and Merry Christmas!
[Dark Shi crashes into the sandman, causing it to scream in agony. She continues boarding down the sand into the ocean, and then steps out of the water.] 	[Dark Shi crashes into the sandman, causing it to scream in agony. She continues boarding down the sand into the ocean, and then steps out of the water.]
Dark Shi 	All that snow-slash-sandboarding made me hungry.
[Cut to Raven, back in her swimsuit and sitting on a towel. Dark Shi and Berrycream join her as they speak.] 	[Cut to Raven, back in her swimsuit and sitting on a towel. Dark Shi and Berrycream join her as they speak.]
Raven 	Yeah, me too. Oh! I know what we should do! We should find some comforting food to get us into the Christmas spirit!
Berrycream 	Yeah! Sitting by a hot fire, letting all the ice melt...
Dark Shi 	All cuddled up in our warm Christmas clothes...
Raven 	Enjoying a warm cup of hot chocolate with extra marshmallows. [A beat.]
Raven, Berrycream, and Dark Shi 	I know! Cooters Restaurant & Bar!
[Exterior shot of the restaurant, which appears to be a kitschy beach bar. We see a few shots of its interior, which has a distinctly nautical theme. The three girls sit in a booth and are attended to by a waitress.] 	[Exterior shot of the restaurant, which appears to be a kitschy beach bar. We see a few shots of its interior, which has a distinctly nautical theme. The three girls sit in a booth and are attended to by a waitress.]
Cooters Waitress 	Howdy, girls, and welcome to Cooters. Our menu today, try our famous lightly-breaded Cooter Wings. The Cooters Super Grouper Sandwich. Cheesy Cooters Quesadillas. Cooters Chicken Alfredo. Cooters Shake. Save some room for the Cooters Key Lime Pie. Cooters New York Strip with Big Cooters Mac. Get yourself a Chicken Caesar Cooters Salad.
Raven 	Oh, you don't need to read out the menu, we've been here before. We'll all be having the Cooters Christmas Crab Legs.
Dark Shi 	Actually, I'll have a Cooter Junior.
Raven 	Oh, and a Cooter Junior.
Loudspeaker 	Order up.
[A plate of crab legs is unceremoniously dropped onto the trio's table. Raven and Berrycream dig in while Dark Shi eats her Cooter Junior. As they eat, we see a seafood-themed nativity scene on the wall declaring "Hark, the herald angels sing: Cooters shrimp is always king!" A robotic man with a blue cap on his head approaches the girls.] 	[A plate of crab legs is unceremoniously dropped onto the trio's table. Raven and Berrycream dig in while Dark Shi eats her Cooter Junior. As they eat, we see a seafood-themed nativity scene on the wall declaring "Hark, the herald angels sing: Cooters shrimp is always king!" A robotic man with a blue cap on his head approaches the girls.]
Milton Shake 	Hello, girls, and Merry Christmas!
Raven, Berrycream, and Dark Shi 	[with their mouths full] Merry Christmas, Milton Shake, owner and proprietor of Cooters Restaurant & Bar!
Milton Shake 	Are you enjoying the Cooters Christmas Crab Legs? ...And also ensuring you have a secure password that is different for every website you use?
Raven, Berrycream, and Dark Shi 	[with their mouths full] Yes, Milton Shake, owner and proprietor of Cooters Restaurant & Bar!
Milton Shake 	[somber] Well, you girls should enjoy those crab legs while you still have time. Cooters might be closing down soon.
Raven 	[with her mouth full] What?
Milton Shake 	Well, business hasn't been that well for old Cooters recently. We were thinking about closing up shop soon. Right on Christmas Day...
Berrycream 	[dismayed] How can we have the perfect, perfect Christmas without Cooters Christmas Crab Legs?!
Raven 	Calm down, Berrycream. We won't let that happen. Mister Milton Shake, would we be able to raise some money to make sure Cooters stays open for business?
Milton Shake 	Well, I don't see why not! That would be wonderful!
Raven, Berrycream, and Dark Shi 	Let's do it!
[Cut to the beach boardwalk, where Raven is in her school uniform, ringing a bell next to a donation stand with a sign that reads "Hep!" A person with orange hair walks by.] 	[Cut to the beach boardwalk, where Raven is in her school uniform, ringing a bell next to a donation stand with a sign that reads "Hep!" A person with orange hair walks by.]
The Cooters Christmas Crustomer 	Hey there! Raising money for charity?
Raven 	[laughing] No, I'm raising money to make sure Cooters stays in business!
The Cooters Christmas Crustomer 	[excited] Cooters Restaurant & Bar?! I love that place! Why didn't you say so?!
Raven 	I did say so...
[The man puts a dollar bill into the donation basket, followed by several other people, until the basket is overflowing. Next, we see a fundraising ice-sculpting contest. Dark Shi effortlessly sculpts a tank, winning first prize; Slash Gonzales won second and Angie won third. Finally, we see Berrycream in a ski mask and domino stripes, robbing money from a bank; she climbs into a getaway truck disguised as a U-Haul, which is being driven by Omen. Cut back to Cooters, now at night. The girls are looking over the money they raised/stole.]	[The man puts a dollar bill into the donation basket, followed by several other people, until the basket is overflowing. Next, we see a fundraising ice-sculpting contest. Dark Shi effortlessly sculpts a tank, winning first prize; Slash Gonzales won second and Angie won third. Finally, we see Berrycream in a ski mask and domino stripes, robbing money from a bank; she climbs into a getaway truck disguised as a U-Haul, which is being driven by Omen. Cut back to Cooters, now at night. The girls are looking over the money they raised/stole.]
Raven 	Okay, it looks like after all our fundraising, we managed to earn... $357,000.
Berrycream 	Will this be enough, Mister Milton Shake?
Milton Shake 	[crunching numbers] No, not quite... Looks like you're a few zeros off.
Raven 	Oh, man, now what're we gonna do? We've only raised $357,000 and it's almost Christmas! We're gonna need a Cooters Christmas miracle.
[After a beat, sleigh bells begin distantly ringing.] 	[After a beat, sleigh bells begin distantly ringing.]
Raven 	What's that?
[We see a cloud of smoke and a flock of reindeer trailing behind something. The vessel bursts into the wall of Cooters, revealing it to be a spaceship. Out from the spaceship emerges Chupachups, dressed in a Santa outfit.] 	[We see a cloud of smoke and a flock of reindeer trailing behind something. The vessel bursts into the wall of Cooters, revealing it to be a spaceship. Out from the spaceship emerges Chupachups, dressed in a Santa outfit.]
Chupachups 	HEY! I'm Chupachups the Christmas Alien! Happy holidays to all you little things!
[She reaches into a bag and throws candy canes and gingerbread men at Raven.] 	[She reaches into a bag and throws candy canes and gingerbread men at Raven.]
Raven 	Oh! What up, Chupachups?
[Chupachups clears her throat, then reads from a book as "O Tannenbaum" begins to play.] 	[Chupachups clears her throat, then reads from a book as "O Tannenbaum" begins to play.]
Chupachups 	Gather 'round, boys and girls, and lend me your ears! For I've come from space to spread Christmas cheers! I've heard your cries and I've read your pleas... so I came from space to smoke some trees! And while I light up this bustin' swish... I will grant you one Christmas wish!
Berrycream 	[manic] A Christmas wish, Raven! A Christmas wish!
Raven 	Oh... a Christmas wish? We could save Cooters! Mister Milton Shake, what do you wanna wish for?
Milton Shake 	A Christmas wish, you say? Hmm... I wish... that everyone's passwords were secure, and different for every website they used.
Raven 	What?
Chupachups 	Okay! Wish granted! Goodbye!
[Chupachups takes off in her spaceship, and then almost immediately returns.] 	[Chupachups takes off in her spaceship, and then almost immediately returns.]
Chupachups 	Can I borrow ten dollars?
Raven 	[agitated] Why didn't you wish to save Cooters, Mister Milton Shake?
Milton Shake 	Ohh, Cooters is just like a side gig I do. My main goal in life is to promote internet safety and security for all peoples of the Earth.
Berrycream 	[heartbroken] But... but how are we gonna enjoy our Christmas without Cooters?
[There's a knock on the door. Raven answers it.] 	[There's a knock on the door. Raven answers it.]
Raven 	Sorry, Cooters will be closing soon, and we won't be open for Christmas. ...Huh?
[A crowd of people have gathered around Cooters, with Strawberry and her family members 'Quat and Mango standing at the front.] 	[A crowd of people have gathered around Cooters, with Strawberry and her family members 'Quat and Mango standing at the front.]
Strawberry 	Hi, Raven! Me and my family heard that Cooters might be closing, so we wanted to have one last Christmas here to celebrate!
Raven 	Oh, uhh... Is that okay, Mister Milton Shake?
Milton Shake [O.S.] 	Sure, I don't care!
Raven 	Oh, uh, yeah! Then come right in! Welcome to Cooters!
Ryan Sasuke 	I'm not doing this for you, or Cooters. This was the only place that was open today that had crab legs at a reasonable price. Save me a seat, will ya?
Slash 	I would never give up the opportunity to enjoy the seafood and scenery of Cooters Restaurant & Bar one last time.
[O.S. Voice] 	WHO THE HELL CHANGED THE PASSWORD ON MY PHONE?!
[As people fill the restaurant, Raven sits at the bar and watches them, looking content. Milton Shake approaches her.] 	[As people fill the restaurant, Raven sits at the bar and watches them, looking content. Milton Shake approaches her.]
Milton Shake 	Fantastic news, Raven! With how many people showed up tonight, it looks like we'll have enough money to stay open for another month! Maybe even two. I didn't receive an email from the bank tonight, so that must mean my debt with Michaelsoft is dissolved!
Raven 	Wait, really? So does that mean...
Milton Shake 	That's right! Not only are we one step closer to a safer internet, but Cooters is saved.
Raven 	Oh, wonderful! We saved Christmas!
[Cut to Berrycream, overjoyed and dining on crab legs.] 	[Cut to Berrycream, overjoyed and dining on crab legs.]
Berrycream 	We saved Cooters!
[Cut to DrillGirl, riding in a sleigh with Santa Claus.] 	[Cut to DrillGirl, riding in a sleigh with Santa Claus.]
DrillGirl 	And I saved Santa Claus!
[DrillGirl and Santa do their signature laughs together as the sleigh flies against the moonlit sky. Fade to black, and then fade in to an ending card that reads "COOTERS Restaurant & Bar: 1993 - 2022". The music cuts out abruptly as the ending card is revealed to be displayed on a casket. The art is now done in Adobe Animate rather than MS Paint, and the characters have different voices.] 	[DrillGirl and Santa do their signature laughs together as the sleigh flies against the moonlit sky. Fade to black, and then fade in to an ending card that reads "COOTERS Restaurant & Bar: 1993 - 2022". The music cuts out abruptly as the ending card is revealed to be displayed on a casket. The art is now done in Adobe Animate rather than MS Paint, and the characters have different voices.]
Ryan Sasuke 	Have you ever actually been to Cooters?
Raven 	Of course I've been to Cooters! I've been to Cooters in the IRL! Which stands for "I Really Love"! Cooters! You hoser! Slash-poser!
[The camera pulls back to reveal DrillGirl sitting in the tank that Dark Shi sculpted earlier.] 	[The camera pulls back to reveal DrillGirl sitting in the tank that Dark Shi sculpted earlier.]
DrillGirl 	They let me keep the ice tank!
Ryan Sasuke 	Holy shit!
[The credits sequence begins. In a shaky montage of black-and-white drawings, Raven gets an idea and draws herself and Ryan Sasuke on a piece of paper. She imagines receiving money and being crowned king for doing so, and Ryan Sasuke looks on in confusion. After the credits and the "END" card, we fade back in to the leader of the Room 424 World Domination Club, seated at a table with crab legs, while covered in snow like a snowman.] 	[The credits sequence begins. In a shaky montage of black-and-white drawings, Raven gets an idea and draws herself and Ryan Sasuke on a piece of paper. She imagines receiving money and being crowned king for doing so, and Ryan Sasuke looks on in confusion. After the credits and the "END" card, we fade back in to the leader of the Room 424 World Domination Club, seated at a table with crab legs, while covered in snow like a snowman.]
Club Leader 	So, Raven. It seems you were able to convince everyone to come to Cooters for one last Christmas feast. I'll have to remember this for our future encounters.
[He reaches out and eats the crab in one bite. He can be heard eating and mumbling under his breath as we cut to the Production F.C. logo.] 	[He reaches out and eats the crab in one bite. He can be heard eating and mumbling under his breath as we cut to the Production F.C. logo.]
Club Leader 	Mmm. Ahh, that's good. That's good Christmas crab.
[End of episode 3.] 	[End of episode 3.]