The Literal Superstore

== Pre-Game ==
Opening Quote: Cookie Masterson’s the name; You Don’t Know Jack is, uh… Hold on. (Paper rustling) Yep! You Don’t Know Jack is the game!
Sponsor Slogan: The Literal Superstore: Everything here is as literal as it gets! Literally!
== Round 1 ==
=== Question One Title: Everyday I’m Slenderin’ ===
Pre-Question: You’ve gotta feel sorry for the Slenderman! The poor guy got a terrible movie, too many fangames, and so many stories and sightings that I’m sure even he’s getting sick of it!
Question: If the Slenderman got tired of his popularity and wanted to retire, where should he go to ensure no one can track him?
* A: In an abandoned school
* B: In an abandoned hospital
* C: In an abandoned cemetery
* D: In the woods
Wrong Answer 1: (A) Detention!
Wrong Answer 2: (B) This answer is sickly.
Wrong Answer 3: (D) Are… Are you serious? Have you even heard of the Slenderman?!
Correct Answer: (C) Fangames about the Slenderman feature the proxy in a school, a hospital, and obviously the woods. However, our creepy friend hasn’t been to a cemetery… Yet.
Post-Question: And while we’re on the topic, why the hell doesn’t Slenderman have a face? I know that he has a concealed mouth, but does he also see with it? I’m just asking the logical questions here!
=== Question Two Title: You’re so Vine you blow my mind ===
Question: If the social media app Vine lasted as long as a regular grapevine, how long would it last?
* A: 4 years
* B: 10 years
* C: 25 years
* D: 100 years
Wrong Answer 1: (A) This answer, much like Vine, is dead.
Wrong Answer 2: (B) So close! You were only off by many, many years.
Wrong Answer 3: (C) No! No! No! Stop it!
Correct Answer: (D) With proper care, the average grapevine can live for 50 to 100 years.
Post-Question: Next question: What’s nine plus ten? (Silence) You’re stupid.
=== Question Three Title: Waiter, there’s a scientist in my soup ===
Question: If I went to a restaurant and said "HIJKLMNO", what would I be ordering?
* A: A glass of water
* B: A glass of iced tea
* C: A glass of milk
* D: A glass of wine
Wrong Answer 1: (B) No, that doesn’t make any sense. Besides, I don’t drink iced tea.
Wrong Answer 2: (C) Don’t cry over this answer.
Wrong Answer 3: (D) Nope. Too dry.
Correct Answer: (A) I just listed the letters H to O. And the chemical formula for water is Hydrogen and Oxygen, better known as H2O.
Post-Question: Now all we have to do is hope the waiter watched Bill Nye the Science Guy.
=== Question Four Title: I’m crossover with you! ===
Pre-Question: Well, its time for the DisOr- Wait, no! The DisOrDat isn’t until the next question! Damnit, my script is all messed up! While we try to fix it, answer this fill-in question:
Question: Which of these crossovers does NOT exist?
* A: The Proud Family and Lilo and Stitch
* B: Jimmy Neutron and Fairly Odd Parents
* C: My Little Pony and Rainbow Brite
* D: Super Mario and Raving Rabbids
Wrong Answer 1: (A) No, that’s real. Why did they do it? I don’t know. Maybe Stitch needed the paycheck.
Wrong Answer 2: (B) You thought it was right because they were animated differently, huh? Well, you have no idea how continuity works, do you?
Wrong Answer 3: (D) Mama Mia!
Correct Answer: (C) Even though it would fit well, there is currently no crossover between Rainbow Brite or any generation of My Little Pony.
Post-Question: But if there was, I have a hunch Tumblr would be all over it.
=== Question Five Title: As seen on BBC (DisOrDat) ===
I’m going to list off seven things. For each one, tell me if they’re either…
An infomercial product
Or…
A gadget from Doctor Who
# Moon Shoes: INFOMERCIAL
# Sonic Screwdriver: DOCTOR WHO
# Psychic Paper: DOCTOR WHO
# Thighmaster: INFOMERCIAL
# Superphone: DOCTOR WHO
# The Clapper: INFOMERCIAL
# WaxVac: INFOMERCIAL
7 out of 7: I’ll buy whatever your selling now!
5 out of 7: You did okay, but I’ll call just to lie and say I bought it.
3 out of 7: This performance, I-
0 out of 7: (As a Dalek) Your score has been exterminated!
Post-Question: Okay, moving on- (Ding sound effect) Oh! There’s stuff!
== Round 2 ==
=== Question Six Title: Cook-keymaster-son ===
Pre-Question Transcript:
Cookie: Well, there’s whole bunch of trash here. I guess its time for a trash question!
(Cue opening for "Funky Trash")
Cookie: Eww! This trash reeks of fiction! Let’s dive through it! We have…
Question: A collection of keys, some gummi bears shaped like a ship, and a crown on a necklace. Whose trash is this?
* A: A royal locksmith
* B: Sora from Kingdom Hearts
* C: The Keymaster from the Matrix
* D: The Keymaster from Ghostbusters
Wrong Answer 1: (A) Here ye! Here ye! You’re wrong!
Wrong Answer 2: (C) You took the blue pill on this one.
Wrong Answer 3: (D) Slimed!
Correct Answer: (B) Right! Sora wields the Keyblade, flies in the Gummi Ship, and wears a necklace with a crown on it. This is most likely his trash.
Post-Question: Wait, why is there a pair of underwear in here? I guess we should return these to Riku…
=== Question Seven Title: Goomba no goombing! ===
Question: Let’s say the Mario Brothers were Spanish instead of Italian. How might they confront Bowser when the princess gets kidnapped?
* A: “Let her go, REY!”
* B: “Untie her, ROI!”
* C: “Give her back, KÖNIG!”
* D: “We’re gonna beat you, KOROL!”
Wrong Answer 1: (B) Speaking of tying, I’m about to tie up your score and kidnap it.
Wrong Answer 2: (C) So long, eh stupid!
Wrong Answer 3: (D) You just lost your last life.
Correct Answer: (A) The Spanish word for king is rey. And since Bowser is the king of the Koopas, that’s how the Spanish Mario Brothers would confront him.
Post-Question: But like Dora the Explorer, they’d probably ask the player for help regardless of what language they speak.
=== Question Eight Title: I’m calling the corpse! ===
Pre-Question Transcript:
Cookie: Okay, for this next question- (Door kicked down) What the hell?!
Police Officer: This is the police! Get down on the ground!
Cookie: What? What did I even do?!
Officer: We have reason to believe you’re responsible for code 240. Do you know what that means, sir?
Cookie: Pfft! Of course, I know what that means!
Question: Psst! What does that mean?
* A: Battery
* B: Assault
* C:  Littering
* D: Carjacking
Wrong Answer 1: (A) No, but- (Taser then scream)
Wrong Answer 2: Anything you say can and will be wrong.
Wrong Answer of the Game: (C) No, 374B is the code for illegal dumping. (Chicken clucking) But speaking of littering… (Reveal) You’ve won a TV dinner from the Literal Superstore! The Literal Superstore: You literally can’t even! Disagree with their low prises, that is!
Correct Answer Transcript: (B)
Officer: In America, 240 is the police code for assault. Cookie here beat someone up.
Cookie: Oh, right. The incident at the bar…
Officer: Hey! Right to remain silent!
Post-Question Transcript:
Cookie: Listen, I have a good reason as to why I did that.
Officer: Tell it to the judge!
Cookie: He said Nickelback was modern-day Shakespeare!
Officer: Oh… Carry on.
Cookie: That was close…
Question Nine Title: Moving around at the speed of snail
Question: If Sonic the Hedgehog were as fast as a real-life hedgehog, how fast would he really be going?
* A: 2 MPH
* B: 4 MPH
* C: 10 MPH
* D: 12 MPH
Wrong Answer 1: (A) Gotta be dumb!
Wrong Answer 2: (C) (Zoom) I think someone just stole your cash!
Wrong Answer 3: (D) As Dr. Eggman would say: You blue pest!
Correct Answer: (B) Hedgehogs are fast, but not that fast. They can run up to about 4 MPH.
Post-Question: And as far as I know, they don’t collect gold rings, befriend two-tailed foxes, or fight genius supervillains. I wish SEGA didn’t lie so much!
=== Question Ten Title: Nightmare on Sesame Street ===
Question: Suppose Freddy Krueger haunted the Sesame Street Muppets. If he were to kill someone who wore the same pattern as his sweater, who would be his first victim?
* A: Ernie
* B: Bert
* C: The Count
* D: Grover
Wrong Answer 1: (B) Rubber ducky, they are wrong!
Wrong Answer 2: (C) One! One idiot! Ah ah ah!
Wrong Answer 3: (D) Not you again!
Correct Answer: (A) Ernie wears a shirt with horizontal stripes and so does Freddy.
Post-Question: So, if Freddy kills you in your sleep, that’s just another reason to drink caffeine. Three cheers for coffee, everyone!
== Round 3/Jack Attack ==
Clue: Hollywood’s Most Wanted
Pre-Attack: What crime did these celebrities commit? Good luck!
# Hugh Grant = Public Sex
# Timm Allen = Drug Trafficking
# R Kelly = Statutory Rape
# P Diddy = Assault
# Mark Wahlberg = Attempted Murder
# Justin Bieber = Drag Racing
# Matthew Broderick = Vehicular Manslaughter
Post Game Transcript:
Cookie: Of course, I never did anything illegal! Isn’t that right, intern?
Male Intern: Please, let me go! I’ll never insult Shakespeare again!
Cookie: Nope. Nothing illegal at all!
Slam
YOU DON’T KNOW JACK!
Category:Episode
Category:Funky Trash