The Little Rascals (film)/Transcript

Go get 'em, Petey!
Petey! What's up, pup?
Get it, Stymie, get it!
- Hey, where's your mitt?
- Don't worry about it.
All right!
Good catch!
Hello, Petey.
Be back later, Mom!
- Got anything, Porky?
- Not a bite, Buckwheat.
Hmm.
- I got something! I got something!
- Me too! A big fat one!
Whoa!
Whoo!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Yo, Petey, come here!
- Thanks, Petey!
- Whoa!
Hey, Porky, look! A note.
What's it say? We gotta learn to read.
You're okay.
You're okay.
You're all right.
Go on in.
You're okay.
Go on in.
What's the "high" sign?
Go on in.
You're okay.
Wrong sign, Porky.
Okay, go on in.
You're okay, Elmer.
You little creep.
Sit down!
Gentlemen and gentlemen,
I give you our president, Spanky.
Hi, Spanky!
How's it goin', Spanky?
Nice to see ya, Spanky.
- Hey, Spanky, what's up?
- How are ya?
Good to see ya.
Your fly's undone.
- Welcome!
- All right, Spanky!
- Hey, Spanky!
- All raise your right hand.
Your other right hand.
- I...
- I...
- Stymie...
- Stymie...
member in good standing
of the He-Man Woman-Haters Club...
member in good
standing of the He-Man...
Woman-Haters Club...
do solemnly swear to be a He-Man
and hate women and not play with them...
or talk to them unless I have to,
and especially never fall in love.
If I do, may I die slowly and painfully
and suffer for hours...
or until I scream bloody murder.
do solemnly swear to be a He-Man...
- You thinkin' what I'm thinkin', Woim?
- Yeah, Butch.
What are we thinkin'?
How much fun it's gonna be
to stomp those guys in the race.
painfully... and suffer for hours...
...bloody murder!
- Ready to take down the minutes, Uh-Huh?
- Uh-huh.
As you know,
today I called...
an emergency meeting
for a very important reason.
But first, any good stories?
- Me!
- Buckwheat.
- Yeah! This morning my sister left
the toilet seat down. - Eww!
- Women make men miserable.
- Froggy.
- Yeah, there's this girl who moved
in across the street... - Eww!
- and she came over 'cause
she wanted to play. - Eww!
- But don't worry, I got back at her.
- What'd you do?
- What'd you do?
- I whipped out my lizard.
Hmmph!
Yea!
Good job, Frogman.
- Are you gettin' this, Uh-Huh?
- Uh-huh.
All right, men, let's talk
about the pride of our club, the Blur.
The Blur has never been beaten...
since the beginning
of time, five years.
This Sunday,
we defend our honor...
our undefeated streak and our trophy.
Best of all,
this year's trophy...
will be presented by
none other than the famous...
Indy race car driver...
A.J. Ferguson.
Wow! He's the best driver
in the whole world!
- Men, can I have an "Azuga"?
- Azuga!
Azuga! Azuga! Azuga! Azuga!
Hey, nice Azugas.
And now the reason
for the emergency meeting:
the choosing
of the driver!
Yea!
Yea!
Our driver should be
a man who's all He-Man.
A He-Man so manly...
that if he fell off a building, he'd go
out of his way to land on a girl.
Gentlemen, this year...
our driver's name is...
none other than my lifelong chum...
my best buddy in the whole wide world...
the one and only Alfalfa!
Yea! - Otay!
Say... where the heck
is Alfalfa?
# You are so beautiful #
# To me #
# Can't you see #
# You're everything I hope for #
# You're everything I need #
# You are so beautiful #
# To me-eeee ##
- There he is, you guys! Come on!
- He's with a girl.
Quiet, Petey.
- They're together.
- Oh, no!
This is awful.
Buckwheat, hand me
your fishin' pole.
Oh, Darla, we're two hearts
with but one beat.
Two brains
with but one thought.
Two souls
with but one...
shoe.
Then how can you belong to
that silly Woman-Haters Club?
You know, I'm a woman.
- Sort of.
- Let me tell ya something, Darla.
I'm not like those guys.
I'm a sensitive male.
- Eww!
- I'm into sharing, caring...
feeling and healing.
- I'm in touch with my feminine side.
- How nice.
It's worse than I thought.
You know, the big talent show
at the fair is coming up...
and I was wondering
if maybe you'd like to sing with me.
You mean it?
I'd be honored.
Hey, I've got an idea.
Let me take you on a picnic tomorrow.
- Excuse me?
- The way you feed my soul...
I can...
feed your face.
Cool! And to prove
you're proud of me...
Why don't we have our picnic
in your clubhouse?
No!
Tomorrow? Tomorrow?
Swimming day. Sure!
Oh, Alfalfa!
- You're a sweetie poo!
- Blech!
- All right, Woim, ready for the test run?
- Ready, Butch!
Look! There goes our bumper!
All this work
for nothing.
Everything's workin' out perfectly.
The guys are at the swimming hole,
and I'm at home with a toothache.
Nothing can possibly go wrong.
- Hiya, Butch.
- Shut up!
When's the last time
we beat you up?
Let's see.
Today's the 10th.
Thirty days hath September,
April, June and November.
It's not a leap year.
- Y-Yesterday.
- You're due!
Look!
- I don't see nothin'!
- Come on, you doink!
Let's go!
He can't run very fast.
- Come back here, you ugly little squid!
- No!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa!
Aah! Help! Whoa!
Yech!
I've come a-courtin'.
These are for you.
Fifi!
Good doggie.
I hope Fifi didn't startle you.
She's so playful.
Forgive my effrontery...
but you, miss, are a rare rose
in a garden of weeds.
You have the sophistication
of a woman of 12.
My name is
Waldo Aloysius Johnston III.
- I'm Alfalfa!
- Yes, I'm sure you are.
- And I'm Darla.
- We just moved into town.
My father bought
the oil refinery.
- That explains why you're so refined.
- Yeah, and so oily!
Watch it, bud.
I hope to see you again soon.
That could be arranged.
I'll be appearing in the talent show.
Yeah, the two of us...
will both be singing
a duet... together.
- How redundant.
- Thank you.
Well, I shall be going now.
Whoa!
What a hunk!
He's smoother
than a baby's bottom.
And he smells better too!
Oh, you're so nice
for bringing me here.
- I can't see.
- Move over.
A candlelit lunch! I'm dazzled.
Excuse me.
I seem to have a little... fahrvergnugen.
Uh... no problem.
- Grape soda?
- Yes, please.
To us.
Mmm.
Ugh!
- Ugh.
- This tastes like somebody...
poured it through a old boot.
Actually, it's a sneaker.
Must've been a bad year.
Maybe we
should strap on the old feed bag.
- Which sandwich did I bring?
- This one.
Why don't we swap?
What's yours is mine...
and what's mine is ours.
You know just what to say
to take a girl's breath away.
This'll take her breath away.
Porky, you sure know
how to make a "sand wich. "
That wasn't sand.
That was kitty litter.
Don't worry, it's pretty fresh.
You made a delicious sandwich.
So did you.
Very crunchy.
Maybe we should
move on to... dessert.
It's a surprise.
It's beautiful!
I had to eat six boxes
of Cracker Jacks to find it.
It's a symbol
of my undying affliction for you.
I love diamonds!
I was wrong about you. You're not
embarrassed by the woman you love.
Darla...
Would you think me forward
if I asked you for a...
a big wet one?
- What?
- A kiss?
Okay.
Oh, man! Gross!
- I can't take it anymore.
- Get outta there!
Open up!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Why, thank you, Alfalfa.
Alfalfa, open this door!
- Open up! - In my hurry to eat,
I forgot to give you the tour.
Here's the wall,
here's the other wall and...
here's our closet.
- Have you lost your mind?
- Do you wanna go in there?
- Just as I thought. You are ashamed of me.
- I'm not ashamed of you.
- I'm proud of you. I just don't want
anybody to see you. - Open up!
- Well, that does it, mister. I'm
out of here! - ... two...
three!
It's about time.
Hiya, guys!
You're back early.
How's the toothache, bub?
- Yeah!
- Dentist pulled my wisdom teeth.
So that explains why
you're acting so stupid.
Well, we're going inside.
No, you're not! It's such
a nice day outside, isn't it?
Nothin's going on in there.
- Hey, what's that noise?
- Whoa!
Darla!
Fire! Fire!
- You two, call the fire department.
- Yes, sir!
Ready! Fire!
We're gonna need
some more help. Get more people.
Put some more in the bucket.
Quick! What's the number
for 9-1-1?
How do I know?
Let's go!
If you'd like to make
a call, please hang up and try again.
- Here's the hose. Turn it
on when I tell you. - Uh-huh.
Spanky, over here!
Go! Go! Go!
Go! Faster!
Go even faster!
Wow! That is fast.
Hey, beat it, pal!
Stymie, let 'er rip!
Whoa!
- Wow!
- Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
I'm never gonna speak to you
as long as I live.
Tell him when he comes to, guys.
Good-bye!
Excuse me!
Hi, Darla.
I thought that was you.
- How about a ride in my father's Bentley?
- Bye!
And then,
over a Belgian croissant...
We might talk about performing
in the talent show together.
Sounds great!
I had a hard day.
The clubhouse is fried crispy.
Our lives are over.
And it's all your fault!
- That's right.
- It sure is.
All rise for Judge Spanky.
I think Spanky's gonna find him guilty.
How do you plead?
Like this.
Please, oh, please,
have mercy, please!
Hmm! Pretty good pleading.
Hmmm. Would you like
to make a statement?
Just that...
I never knew likin' a girl
could lead to all this.
- Mm-mm-mm. - I let my pals
down, I let the club down...
and I let my best friend down.
Alfalfa Switzer,
I hereby sentence you...
to execution... at dawn!
Yes! - Uh-huh!
Your Honor, may I suggest...
this court rules
he be put on probation.
As terms of the probation, he alone will
be responsible for guarding the go-cart.
Day and night.
Uh, uh...
- Court agrees. - Ya mean ya want
me to spend the night here?
All alone? Out in the open?
- Well, what about the wild dingoes?
- Deal with it.
As another term
of his probation...
that he may never again talk to,
see or even think about Darla...
or else.
Yeah!
And I'm makin' it my own personal
business to see that you don't.
Yeah! All right!
Oh!
You are so beautiful to me.
I love you, Alfalfa.
I want to die in your arms.
- You do?
- Of course, not right away.
- March! March!
- I'm off to join Sir Spankus.
How's the toothache, bub?
But you're my boy-toy!
I won't let you go!
- You must choose between us.
- Uh... uh...
- Yeah, you must choose between us.
- Sir Alfalfa, haul butt!
Maybe this will help you
make up your mind.
- Tell me you'll never leave me.
- I'll never leave you.
That's it, traitor!
We must slay you...
before your forbidden love...
destroys our manly bond.
Choose or die!
Choose or die!
Choose or die!
Choose or die!
Choose or die!
Choose or die!
Choose or die!
Choose or die!
Choose or die!
Choose or die!
Ease up, pal.
- It's just us.
- We came to keep you company.
Yeah.
Well, why am I soakin' wet?
Don't worry, Alfalfa.
I used to have the same problem.
There's just a hole in the tent.
Whoo!
- You're not thinking about Darla, are ya?
- No, of course not.
Good!
I wonder if she's
not thinking of me too.
Why are boys such jerks?
You're not thinking
about Alfalfa, are you?
Oh, no, no, no, no way!
Are you sure?
Babes are like a bad song!
Once you get 'em stuck in your head,
you can't get 'em out again.
- Why do they have to be so...
- Different?
- Hmmm!
- Girls get along with each other.
Boys stand up for themselves.
- Girls care.
- Boys take what's theirs.
Boys won't listen.
All they wanna do is talk.
- They like to moon ya.
- No, we don't!
- Gigglin' and gossipin'.
- Fighting and farting!
- Barbies and bracelets.
- Boogers and bugs!
- Ice skating.
- Bungee jumping.
Synchronized swimming.
And try to get 'em to sit still.
Boys! Ugh!
Girls! Ugh!
- And the worst thing of
all... - They smell... - weird!
Howdy, mister.
- Me and my buddies have to build a new clubhouse.
- We need to buy some lumber.
- What kind?
- Wood!
- # Short people got nobody #
- We took up a collection.
Give us all the wood you can
for this much, please.
# Short people got
no reason to live #
# They got little hands #
# Little eyes #
- # They walk around tellin' great big lies #
- Paper or plastic?
# They got little noses
and tiny little teeth #
# They wear platform shoes
on their nasty little feet #
$450 for lumber?
Where are we gonna get
that kind of moola?
I don't know.
You know what they say.
- Wood doesn't grow on trees.
- # Don't want no short people #
- # 'Round here #
- Hey, you guys, come 'ere!
What's going on?
What's up?
All in favor say,
"Yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy!"
Yoy, yoy, yoy, yoy...
Thank you, my good man.
Six kids, hardworking father,
honest and trustworthy.
Loan... denied.
Hello, my good man.
Gentlemen, uh, have a seat.
- Can we sit down?
- Are you kidding?
We can't sit down, my good man.
- What may I do for you?
- We wanna take out a hefty loan.
- Of course. Do you have an account with us?
- And how!
And what is your account...
- Number?
- Uh, seven.
Seven?
Seven...?
- Try eight.
- Eight?
Heard enough.
Ouch!
If you were my kids,
I'd punish you!
If we were your kids,
we'd punish ourselves!
Leave the premises posthaste!
You can't treat people
this way, mister.
You're not people.
You're kids.
Thank you.
Good luck.
She loves me.
She loves me not.
She loves me.
She loves me not.
She loves me!
You guys don't know
What you're talkin' about.
I have to see her!
But that's a
violation of your probation.
I know! I'll write a message,
and you two can take it to her.
Wait a second! we're He-Man
Woman-Haters. we can't deliver love notes.
Love note? No!
This is gonna be a hate note.
Sounds good to me!
I hate your stinkin' guts!
You make me vomit.
You're scum between my... toes.
Love, Alfalfa.
Otay!
What's up, guys?
Buckwheat, where's the note?
Note, note.
I know I got it here somewhere.
- Come on, guys.
- We'll find it.
I'm waiting.
I know!
I gave it to you.
Uh-oh!
- What's going on?
- It's otay. I remember what it said.
"Dear Darla:
"I hate
your stinkin' guts.
"You make me vomit.
- Hmmph!
- "You are scum between my toes.
- Oh!
- Love, Alfalfa. "
Whoa!
Well, yeah...
but was she upset?
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm,
mm-hmm, mm-hmm!
Oh! I have to go to her house
and explain what happened.
Forget it, pal!
Number one, she's not home 'cause
she has a ballet recital.
Number two...
What was number two?
No! Not that!
The other number two.
Spanky said
you couldn't talk to her.
What? I can talk
to Darla anytime I want.
Spanky's not the boss of me!
Hiya, pal!
Oh, no!
Trust me, this is
for your own good.
After you dump her,
you'll feel like a new man.
But... I like the feel
of the old man.
Hello. Hello,
enjoy the show.
Who are you with?
I'm with him,
and we need to talk to Darla.
That's out of the question.
She's about to go onstage.
Now clear the door. Go on.
Too bad.
Well, let's go!
Hold it, partner. we're waiting
right here 'til Darla comes out.
Oh, man!
Whoops!
This'll be like stealing candy
from a baby.
Oh, boy.
Come on.
Hey, look! A dollar!
Ducky, ducky!
Yoo-hoo, Mister Ducky,
ducky! Ducky!
Ducky! Ducky, ducky!
Ducky!
Come here, ducky!
- Ducky!
- Nothing beats a buck and a duck.
Hey, ya dumb duck, wait up!
Hmm. What's this?
Oh, no, not pickles! Oh, yuck!
# We got a dollar
we got a dollar #
# We got a dollar
Hey, hey, hey, hey #
# We got a dollar
we got a dollar #
# We got a dollar
Hey, hey, hey, hey #
I'm bored.
Ta-da!
Gee, thanks!
Uh-oh, Butch and Woim! Put that thing
in your pocket and let's bail!
Hey, there they are.
Whoops!
Whoops!
Let's go!
Whoops!
Whoops!
Shh!
Hiya, big boys!
Woof, woof!
- Ditto!
- Say...
you two chicklets see a couple
of ugly mugs who ran in here?
You mean, besides you?
I think they went in there.
Thanks, doll face.
Bye.
One, two, three!
What are you doing?
You two do not belong here.
I shall escort you to the door.
Stop this!
Please, you're hurting me!
- Let go of me!
- This tutu's killin' me.
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
- Hi.
- Hi!
- Are you a fairy?
- No! - Uh-uh!
- You know, a sugarplum fairy.
- Oh, well, yes, of course.
- What's the matter?
- Oh, she must have a frog in her throat.
I'm so nervous
I'm sweating like a pig.
It must be... the recital.
Come here.
- Here's my hanky.
- Gee, thanks!
No, that's all right.
You keep it.
I'm nervous too.
Waldo's gonna be here.
Waldo's Darla's boyfriend.
- Do you have boyfriends?
- No!
No, of course not. Uh...
But there is one boy I'd
really love to get to know.
His name is Alfalfa.
- What a physique!
- Are you crazy?
I used to know Alfalfa.
He took the best years of my life.
Same here! That ugly scud
led me on as if he cared...
then dropped me
like a hot tamale.
Plus, you know what?
- No, what?
- I hear he dresses in girls clothes.
I don't miss him at all, except...
his voice.
When he sings, he makes me melt
like a popsicle on the Fourth of July.
He is awfully romantical.
Well, it was lovely chatting,
but we really gotta go.
Bye!
All right, girls, it's time
to take your positions!
It's show time!
Come on now, honey.
Spanky, what are we doing?
And now scenes from...
The Nutcracker. - -
- And two and three.
Get rid of it.
- Come here, hold my hand.
- Are you nuts?
Get off!
Get!
Ohh!
Let's get outta here!
- Good thing I finally caught that frog.
- Yeah.
Now all you gotta worry about is warts.
Whoo!
You ruined my recital!
Where's... Oh!
- Come on out of there, young lady.
- Aw, nah, nah!
I wouldn't open that,
if I was you.
Oh! Oh.
Well, this is a professional
school of ballet.
Now get out
and do not come back.
I'll distract 'em
while you make a getaway.
- Thanks, Spanky. You sure are a pal.
- Think nothin' of it.
Hello again, you stud muffins.
Goin' my way?
Gee, we'd love to,
but we're waitin' around...
to beat the shorts off
a couple of twerps.
Your loss, baby.
# Doo dee-doo dee-doo #
# Doo dee-doo dee-doo #
- Got a burger to go with that shake?
- # Doo dee-doo #
Aaah!
That's him!
Come back here, you ugly little freak!
And stay out!
Things couldn't
possibly get any worse.
Oh! Then the clouds
opened up and God said...
"I hate you, Alfalfa. "
Nice tan.
Any last words?
Yeah. Uh... see ya!
Hey!
No, you don't!
Ooh! Ow!
I'll let myself out.
Thank you.
Well, you'd better.
He lucked out!
Alfalfa!
This is a side of you I've
never seen before.
Darla!
Darla, there's a perfectly logical
explanation for this.
Which I'll make up later.
- Do you like pickles?
- I think they stink.
I love pickles.
- My mother makes me eat 'em.
- I'm crazy about 'em.
I'll sell you my pickle
for a nickel.
How about two cents?
Otay.
# I have two pickles
I have two pickles #
# I have two pickles today
Hey-hey #
# A-doo-dah-ding
way-da-mo-wang-bing #
# Because I get two pickles
today, today ##
- Rough day?
- Don't ask.
Are these kosher?
# We are He-Man Woman Haters #
# We feed girls to alligators #
# The clubhouse burned down
mighty low #
# But we got a plan
to make some dough #
# Left, right
Left, right ##
Looking good.
This is gonna be a piece of cake.
'Panky, me and Porky
got an idea.
- Keep it. You might need it
When you grow up. - Otay.
Hey, maybe this will work.
Let's go.
Ladies and gentlemen!
Boys and girls!
Enter if you dare!
See the weird freak of nature!
- Even science can't explain it!
- It's a really good show!
Step right up and witness
this hideous mutant!
- Amazing! - Incredible!
- Come on, everybody!
Four-foot man-eating chicken!
Hey, folks, we need
to make some money!
Gimme a quarter!
Five dollars! Anything!
We need to build
a new clubhouse!
Just hurry, hurry, hurry!
People, people!
We need your money!
You there, kid!
Wanna come in?
At least people
are ridin' the rides.
Please go in.
I will not think of Darla.
I will not think of Darla!
I will not think of Darla.
Maybe Spanky's right.
Huh?
Maybe I should just forget about love.
Dang, I'm outta paper.
No, not that kind of paper!
Thanks, Petey.
Skunked by that sleazy
sidewinder Spanky!
It's his fault
Darla hates me!
Hop in, Petey!
Sit!
Come on, Spanky.
So things didn't quite pan out.
"Didn't quite pan out"?
We have less money than when we came!
I thought the talent show
was supposed to be free.
- Look at all that money!
- What's goin' on?
We just put up the sign
and people started payin' us.
Buckwheat, Porky,
you're geniuses.
Th-a-a-anks!
Look, how 'bout if I take over
and give you guys a break?
Otay!
Hmm. Money, money.
Spanky McFarland!
Miss Crabtree!
I would expect this
from a four-year-old, but not from you!
Spanky, tricking people
out of their money is wrong.
It's just like cheating
on your homework.
- But I...
- What are we to do with all this money?
We can't give it back
to these people one by one.
Um, Miss Crabtree,
I got a suggestion.
What we could do is...
Interesting.
Intriguing.
I love it.
Whoo! Nice suit, kid!
# "L" is for the way you look #
# At me #
# "O" is for the only one #
# I see #
# "V" is very, very #
# Extraordinary #
# Now, "E" is even more #
# Than anyone that you adore #
# And love #
# Is all that I can give to you #
# Love is more than just a #
# Game for two #
# Two in love can make it #
# Take my heart
but please don't break it #
# Love #
# Eas made for me and you ##
Dang.
- Miss Crabtree, do you got room for just
one more act? - We could squeeze you in.
- Thanks, Miss Crabtree!
- You're welcome.
Well, fellas, the president
saved your bacon.
I convinced Miss Crabtree
to use the money...
as first prize
in the go-cart derby.
Just think, in three days,
the money's ours.
Everything else
may have gone wrong...
but there's no way
We can lose the race.
Yeah!
- The Blur belongs to Butch.
- And Woim.
Well, if it isn't Falafel.
- Alfalfa!
- Whatever.
I hope you didn't miss
my duet with Darla.
You call that a duet?
It was stupendous.
She wasn't bad either.
- # Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin' #
- What on Earth are you doing?
I'm warmin' up my vocalizer.
I'm about to win Darla back
through song.
# I'm the barber #
# Of Seville #
# Figaro, Figaro, Figaro #
Don't you get it?
Darla can't stand you.
Alfalfa, you're on.
Darla will love me
after I sing to her.
Darla can't resist my voice.
She said so herself.
Come on, dear.
This is a song about a tragic romance.
I once fell in love with a girl...
and through schemes and betrayals
by my best friend...
she came to think
I was nothin' more...
than a He-Man Woman-Hater.
- But I'm a woman-lover!
- Uhh!
So let me raise a toast
to the girl I love most...
in the whole world.
- Please don't say my name.
Please don't say my name. - Darla.
Ohh.
- # If I could make
a wish # -
# I think I'd pass #
# Can't think of anything I need #
- # No cigarettes, no sleep #
- I'm gonna put that fool out of his misery!
# No lights, no sound #
# Nothing to eat, no books to read #
# Sometimes #
# All I need is
the air that I breathe #
# And to love you #
And... whoa!
# All I need is the air that I breathe #
# Yes, to love you #
# All I need is the air that I breathe #
# And to love you ##
Oh, I hate you, Alfalfa.
- Dang!
- Hee-hee!
- Hey!
- Well, hello, Mr. Bubbles!
That was the most
disgusting display...
of she-man woman-loving
I've ever seen!
Don't talk to me, you Benedict Arnold!
You...
You Judas Priest!
This is all your fault!
- All my fault?
- You torched the clubhouse.
And it's all my fault?
Say, you're supposed to be guarding
the go-cart, you Muzak-warbling wimp!
Relax, you double-crossing mud-muncher!
I parked it right over there!
It was right here!
- Well, where is it?
- Boy, you're messin' up left and right!
That's it,
you sissified tweety-bird!
- I wish I had a club to throw you out of!
- Me too!
well, you sewage-swigging
slimeball...
if there still was a club, I'd quit!
- Good!
- Hmph!
- What a wimp.
- Yeah.
# I've had bad dreams #
# And too many times #
# To think that they #
# Don't mean much anymore #
# The fine times have gone #
# And left my sad heart #
# And friends #
# Who once cared #
# Just walked out my door #
Go make up with him, Alfalfa.
- You guys have been friends since
you were one. - He started it!
And you should finish it.
You're a team,
like Bert and Ernie...
Superman and Clark Kent,
Milli and Vanilli.
At least go talk to him.
What could it cost?
You mean,
besides my dignity and pride?
All I know is...
you only make
a once-in-a-lifetime buddy...
once in a lifetime.
# And too many times #
# To think that you #
# Could come back again #
# And love has no pride #
# When I call out your name #
- Is Spanky home?
- I'm sorry, Alfalfa. Spanky isn't here.
I'm sorry, Spanky.
Alfalfa's not here.
- Darn!
- Darn!
# I'd give anything #
# To see you again #
I thought I'd find you here.
I'm sorry I called you
a double-crossing mud-muncher...
and a sewage-swigging slimeball.
I'm sorry I called you
a sissified tweety-bird...
and a Muzak-warbling wimp.
I'm sorry I called you
a barf-encrusted jumbo jerk.
You didn't call me
a barf-encrusted jumbo jerk.
Oh. I guess
I was just thinking it.
- I'm sorry about the fire.
- I'm sorry about messin' up...
your picnic lunch with Darla.
Maybe I'm sorta responsible
for the fire too, a little.
You know, Spanky, I like girls.
It might even get worse
as I get older.
I know you like girls, 'Falf.
The problem is, rules is rules.
But is woman-hating
the important thing?
I mean, couldn't we be a club
'cause we like something?
Hmm.
Shoot! without a clubhouse,
We don't have a club.
Hey! You guys burned down
a clubhouse, not a club!
A club is buddies...
- Who stick together, no matter what!
- Uh-huh!
I just wish we could still
enter the go-cart derby.
But it's impossible.
Who says it's impossible?
Every one of us, working together...
Pal, that's all
the possible we need!
We need a hammer... and nails.
A motor.
We need
a battery and a chassis...
four axles
and a wheel belt.
Somebody get a supercharger.
Go get it, guys! - -
Here, Petey.
- Screwdriver.
- Screwdriver.
- Ratchet!
- Ratchet.
Hey, Uh-Huh,
does it stink in there?
Uh-huh!
Monkey wrench!
Ta-dum!
Do us proud, buddy.
You betcha!
Hey, everybody! Don't forget!
Following the go-cart derby, there
will be a tiny tot bunny race at 3:30.
Entrants must be five years and under.
See you there!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls...
- Welcome to the 73rd annual go-cart
derby! -
Hey, guys, get in your cars!
We're ready to start!
You there,
the kid in the blue.
Stop horsin' around.
You're gonna break your neck.
How we gonna beat that?
- It looks like The Blur with
a new paint job! - Eccch!
# We're goin' to the race #
# We're goin' to win first place #
# And you have an ugly face #
Hi, Dad, it's me.
You're gonna be so proud of me.
I'm gonna win this race.
Waldo, you're the best son
money can buy.
Thanks, Dad.
- I don't have an ugly face. You have an
ugly face! - You have an ugly face!
- You have an ugly face!
- Your mother has an ugly face!
The race course
is marked with arrows...
and it ends right back here
Where it started from.
Oh, great!
- This is the prize money for the winner.
- Okay.
It's just about $500.
- Just say it's from an anonymous donor.
- You got it.
Waldo, hurry up.
We're late!
Oh, please.
We're making an entrance.
Just sit back, relax and
leave everything to moi.
I wonder where
A.J. Ferguson is.
I don't know, but I
can't wait to meet him.
Okay, guys,
this is it. Fasten your seat belts.
Well, well. Mr. Johnston.
Nice of you to join us.
The last car
is finally is position.
Well, if it isn't waldo.
All the money in the world is no
substitute for hard work and ingenuity.
You lead a rich fantasy life.
Thank you.
- Moron.
- What are you doin' with that?
It's Darla's handkerchief.
All great knights ride into battle...
Wearing the colors
of their lady fair.
I'm not hearing this.
I'm not hearing this.
Hey, look!
My mom's here!
Whoopee.
The first racer to cross
the finish line will receive...
this genuine, gold-plated,
cubic zirconium-encrusted trophy!
As well as the prize
of five hundred dollars!
Go! Go!
Gentlemen, start your engines!
All right, ready. Steady.
One, two, three, go!
- Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah! Whoo!
Grrr!
String 'em, Woim!
- Aaah! Aah!
- Oh, no!
Aaaaaah!
- All right!
- Yeah!
Whoo-ooh-hoo!
Aaaaaah!
You snotwads
stole our racer!
Finders keepers,
losers... suck!
Ah, bite me!
Waldo, I think
We have to turn here!
Girls have
no sense of direction.
You know,
you're starting to get on my nerves.
Huh? Uh... Oh!
Ohh!
Watch out!
Get out of the way!
Comin' through!
Aaah!
Excuse us! Move!
- You little rascals!
- Sorry!
10 points for the old guy!
It's time to lose these losers.
Atomic batteries to power.
Turbines to speed!
- They're gettin' away!
- Hold on to your beanie!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
Activate rocket boosters!
You idiot!
You put them in...
- Backwards!
- Waaaah!
Whoo-hoo! Yee-hah!
These two again?
I really hate to do this.
Huh?
Yikes! Spikes!
Hey! You could've killed them!
Just forget about
that soap-sucking nincompoop!
So you're responsible for the bubbles
at the talent show!
Pull over right now!
I'm not finishing this race with you!
You got it, babe.
Now get out.
Where in tarnation are we?
Look! we're back in the race!
Hey, pretty good shortcut!
Hey, how'd they get here?
Don't worry.
This'll fix 'em!
- Yeah!
- What's that?
Aaah! Aah!
We can't see!
- Where are we?
- Aaaah! Help!
- What's goin' on?
- I can't see!
My eyes! I can't see!
Hey, mind your own business,
rich boy!
What a guy!
Thanks, pal!
Aah! Aah! Aaah!
Grab the wheel!
Are you crazy?
We got a finish line to cross!
- Not without this!
- You're nuts!
- Whoa!
- Watch out! You're gonna fall!
Aaaah!
I'm gonna fall off!
Hold my feet! Aaaah!
Aaaaaah!
Grrrr!
Hold on! we're almost there!
Winner by a hair! Yes!
You did it, Alfalfa!
You won!
We did it!
All of us!
Gentlemen, let's give Alfalfa a big...
"Spoley-oley"!
Spoley-oley!
Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley!
- Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley!
Spoley-oley! Spoley-oley! - Thank you.
- Thank you, thank you, thank
you, thank you, thank you...
It ain't right!
We go through all the trouble
of stealing your racer...
and you still win!
Better brace yourself, because now
I'm really gonna kick your butt!
I'm usually a lover,
not a fighter...
but in your case I'm willin'
to make an exception.
Pig puckey!
Allow me!
- Looking good, man.
- Yeah!
Hey, there's the guy
Who risked his neck for us!
I gotta admit, he turned out to be
pretty okay, darn it.
Put it there, pal.
You're quite a guy.
Us machismo types
have a club...
The He-Man
Woman-Haters Club.
Alfalfa, I'm extending
a membership offer here.
- Now, what is it?
- That's not waldo!
You'll be hearing
from my lawyers.
Then who's this guy
Who saved our butts?
Hi, guys.
What's up?
A girl! Ohh!
Well, don't that beat all.
Spanky!
Now it gives me great pleasure
to present this beautiful trophy...
and the prize money...
to Alfalfa Switzer
and Spanky McFarland.
Is that a cowlick,
or are you just glad to see me?
Ah, the strong,
silent type, eh?
Don't take this personal, lady,
but my pal's real disappointed.
Ohh! What's the matter,
sugar pie?
Well, we were just
kinda hopin' that...
A.J. Ferguson was gonna
give us the trophy.
Well, boys,
today's your lucky day.
'Cause that's exactly who I am!
You're the best driver there is!
well, thank you very much!
You didn't do so bad yourself!
Say, let's even things up.
How 'bout one on this side?
There ya go!
What a great race!
I saw what you did
to save my hanky, Alfalfa.
That was very heartwarming.
And awfully romantical.
Gee, thanks,
but I thought you hated me.
I don't hate you. It's just
sometimes you do mean things...
like playing tricks on me
at our picnic.
Uh, I can explain that.
It was me who wrecked
your picnic with Alfalfa.
You see, I thought you was tryin'
to steal my best friend.
I thought you were tryin'
to sabotage our club.
But I think I was wrong.
I'm sorry, you guys.
My Alfalfinator!
My delectable Darlooney!
- So, do you live around here?
- Yeah.
Do you like dolls?
- Mm-mmm. -
Mm-mmm. - I do!
Cool.
Say!
Have we betrayed
our forefathers?
Have we trampled on the generations
of honest woman-haters...
Who came before us?
- Uh-uh.
- Huh?
Hey, everybody!
Uh-Huh's learned a new word!
Actually, I've always had
a rather extensive vocabulary...
not to mention
a phenomenal grasp of grammar...
and a superlative command
of syntax.
I simply chose
not to employ them.
Ohhh-tay!
Well, I guess things
just have to change sometimes.
What's my line?
# Whoa, you know, you know
you know, you know #
- # You must've been a beautiful baby #
- Whoa!
# You must've been a beautiful child #
- # When you was only startin' to go to kindergarten #
- Hmm? what?
- # I bet you drove the other kids wild #
- Oop!
# Yeah, and when it comes
to winnin' blue ribbons #
# I bet you taught the other kids how #
# I could see the judge's eyes
when they handed you the prize #
- Let's start over again.
- I don't... want to!
- You don't want to?
- No... No.
- You got the hiccups? Okay, cut.
- Ye... Yes.
- I used to have this...
- Don't worry!
I forgot the words!
What are you doing?
Hmm!
Oh!
What a relief!
- Yuck!
- Ooh!
Allow me to introduce myself.
- What an idiot.
- Watch it, bud.
You have the most...
And...
Don't look at the camera,
sweetie. Don't look at the camera.
Don't look at the camera.
Don't look at the camera.
Brittany, stop lookin'
at the camera, please.
- # You must've been a beautiful child
- Brittany!
# When you was only startin'
to go to kindergarten #
# I bet you drove the other kids wild #
- # And when it comes to winnin' blue ribbons #
- I winded my ear up.
# I bet you taught the other kids how #
# I could see the judge's eyes
when they handed you the prize #
# I bet you'll be the cutest #
# You must've been a beautiful baby #
# But, baby, won't you look at you now #
The race course
is marked off with arrows.
And it'll start...
It'll end.
Thank you.
And it will end.
Paper or plastic?
And it will end...
And it ends...
It ends. Right.
I knew I'd find it somewhere.
That is bad popcorn.
# You must've been #
# A beautiful child #
# When you was only startin'
to go to kindergarten #
# I'll bet you drove
the other kids wild #
- Cut.
- # When it comes to winnin' blue ribbons #
You'll tell me when...
We're not going yet...
Okay.
The race course
is marked off with arrows.
It ends right back here
Where it started from.
- And cut.
- Cutting.
- I finally got that sucker.
- Otay!
# Baby #
# Take a look at you now #
Category:Transcripts
Category:Universal Pictures Transcripts