Krabby Kompetition/transcript

This article is a transcript of the episode "Krabby Kompetition" from season 104, which aired on January 27, 2164.
Outside of the Chum Bucket. Cut to the inside, where Plankton is finishing up sweeping the floor.
PLANKTON: And... done! That's one task off my to-do list today. Next up: attempt to steal the secret formula for the 174th time this year.
KAREN: Then soon, 175th, then 176th, then 177th... why don't you just give up?
PLANKTON: Oh, shut up, Karen, I know what I'm doing! This attempt will go seamlessly, guranteed! 174th time's the charm, they always say.
KAREN: It's 3rd time, genius. I thought you went to college.
PLANKTON: I did, you nincompoop. But my 3rd attempt didn't work, and since 58 is one of my favorite numbers, I just multiplied 3 by 58 to get 174! So, 174th time's the charm! I'm so smart.
KAREN: How fascinating. I bet one of my wires that you will come back empty-handed.
PLANKTON: *walking out of the door* Let's see about that, honey!
Plankton walks to the Krusty Krab and tries to place an order. Squidward is asleep in the boat counter.
PLANKTON: Hey, can I just get a Krabby Patty? That's all, thanks.
SQUIDWARD: *startled* Huh? Who said that?
Squidward leans over the counter to see Plankton, innocently waving.
SQUIDWARD: ...oh. Yeah, you won't even make a single step carrying such a heavy Krabby Patty. But, if you wish. SpongeBob, I need a Krabby Patty.
SPONGEBOB: Coming right up, Squiddy sir!
Squidward sighs. Plankton is devilishly grinning, rubbing his hands in delight.
PLANKTON: Oh, that went so easy! Karen will be giving me her wires later. Not sure why she placed that bet, though.
Suddenly, Plankton gets crushed by a falling Krabby Patty.
PLANKTON: Hey, Squidward, watch it!
SQUIDWARD: Watch what? See you get crushed? *laughs*
Plankton recovers from being crushed easily, and begins to run away quickly.
PLANKTON: Oh, I knew exercising every day would help me one day! Hahaha!
Squidward, who was distracted from laughing, finally notices Plankton running away with the Krabby Patty. Squidward gasps and rubs his eyes.
SQUIDWARD: Oh, Neptune's nebula! That idiot actually managed to get away with the Krabby Patty!
Squidward hits a secret button on the boat counter, labeled "For Filched Formula". The floor beneath Squidward, SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs gives way, causing them to be sucked into a tube at hyperspeed towards the entrance of the Chum Bucket. They emerge in the dining area of the Chum Bucket.
At this moment, Plankton walks into the Chum Bucket.
PLANKTON: La la la... I've got the formuLA!
He then notices Squidward, SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs with arms akimbo, standing in front of him.
PLANKTON: Woah! How'd you guys get here?
MR. KRABS: No time to explain. We know what you're up to, Plankton. Squidward, SpongeBob, let's roll.
SpongeBob lets out a rather pathetic battle cry before the 3 ambush Plankton for the Krabby Patty. As they fight in a cloud of smoke, Plankton merely walks away.
PLANKTON: Morons. Sometimes being small is advantageous too!
Plankton runs into the kitchen, where Karen is busy washing dishes. She is shocked to see Plankton with a Krabby Patty, and immediately rushes over to give him a hug.
KAREN: Oh my gosh! I never thought you would do this, but... *hugs tighter* you actually managed to get the formula!
PLANKTON: Indeed, babe. Now, where's my wire?
KAREN: Huh? Oh. Uh...
Karen notices a wire poking out of her arm, pulls it out, and gives it to Plankton. Cut back to the Krusty Krew, still fighting in a cloud of smoke.
SpongeBob finally realizes that they are fighting nothing but themselves.
SPONGEBOB: Wait. We're fighting ourselves. Where did Plankton go?
Upon hearing this, Mr. Krabs suddenly jolts. His mouth goes wide open, his eyes roll back and he faints on the ground.
SPONGEBOB: What does that mean, Squidward?
SQUIDWARD: Whenever something traumatising happens to Mr. Krabs, he does that. I'm pretty sure it's obvious why he's traumatised right now.
SPONGEBOB: Um... no, it's not obvious.
SQUIDWARD: *shouting* BECAUSE PLANKTON GOT THE FORMULA, YOU NITWIT!
SPONGEBOB: Ooohhhhhh.
After a few seconds, SpongeBob screams and faints alongside with Mr. Krabs. Squidward rolls his eyes.
SQUIDWARD: *to himself* Now, how do I do compressions again...
Cut back to Plankton in the kitchen, where he is putting the Krabby Patty inside a machine designed to identify its ingredients.
PLANKTON: You ready for eternal business success, sweetheart?
Karen is a little skeptical about the Krabby Patty.
KAREN: Wait... have you confirmed that Mr. Krabs didn't put explosives or urchins or anything in the patty?
PLANKTON: Oh, trust me, he didn't do that! This is a fresh & genuine Krabby Patty, straight from the Krusty Krab kitchen. I simply ordered one!
KAREN: It's that simple?
PLANKTON: *nodding* Mhm. Now it's time to find out the formula!
Plankton types something on a keyboard and presses some buttons. The machine starts operating and after several seconds, the Krabby Patty ingredients are printed on a piece of paper, given to Plankton.
PLANKTON: Come look at this, Karen! I finally have the Krabby Patty ingredients! *shoots an arm into the air* Woohoo! So, we just need a...
Bubble transition. SpongeBob and Squidward are in Mr. Krabs's office.
MR. KRABS: SpongeBob and Squidward, this situation has gone dire! We have managed to let Plankton to slip away with the formula! Now his restaurant will attract everyone in Bikini Bottom, leaving mine in the dust... what should we do, boys?
SQUIDWARD: Why should I bother? I hate my job anyways.
SPONGEBOB: Don't say that, Squidward! But still, I don't really know how to put Plankton out of business. Invent a new formula, I suppose?
MR. KRABS: No way, lad! The original Krabby Patty formula was invented by a fluke. No way a fluke is happening to me ever again. I do have an idea on my mind, though...
Sudden cut to the Krusty Krew sitting in a tank outside of the Krusty Krab.
SPONGEBOB: You sure this is the right choice, Mr. Krabs? I think this is a bit overkill for our first attempt of getting rid of Plankton's success.
MR. KRABS: Well, think about it: if we go easy on him only after he becomes successful, then it's a win for him. But if we go hard on him BEFORE he becomes successful, it's a win for us! Understand?
SPONGEBOB: Oh, alright.
MR. KRABS: Anyways, you fire the bullets, Squidward moves the tank, and I'll be supervising. Got it?
SPONGEBOB: Sir, yes, sir! *salutes*
SQUIDWARD: Ehhhh, whatever.
MR. KRABS: CHARGE!!!
SpongeBob lets out a pathetic battle cry again. Cut to Squidward pressing some buttons and stepping on pedals frantically, causing the tank to merely move forward a few inches. Mr. Krabs does not like this.
MR. KRABS: Squidward, you forgot to shift the gear up!
SQUIDWARD: Oh, uh, sorry.
Squidward grabs the drivetrain and shifts it to the highest gear, causing the tank to move at a hyperspeed pace, suddenly stopping when it crashes into the Chum Bucket's wall.
MR. KRABS: Great job! Now, SpongeBob, FIRE!
SPONGEBOB: Aye aye, captain!
SpongeBob presses a button, firing a bullet at the kitchen wall, blowing it up and revealing Plankton's kitchen. Plankton is surprised at this sight.
PLANKTON: Krabs?!? You've brought a tank on only your 1st attempt to stop my evil schemes?
MR. KRABS: That's right, Plankton! Now don't you dare make Krabby Patties, or else we'll have to blow your KITCHEN up, next!
PLANKTON: Oh, haha, too late now! Come down and look at this!
The Krusty Krew jump down from the tank and walk into the kitchen, where they are greeted by the sight of towering machinery working like clockwork, producing Krabby Patties with ease.
PLANKTON: I'm so smart, no? My genius intellect allows me to create machines that make Krabby Patties automatically, without the need of doofus workers like SpongeBob! And before you know it, lots of customers will be at the Chum Bucket, longing for such delicious food! It's too late to stop me now, Krabs.
MR. KRABS: Oh, that's what you think, Plankton... SpongeBob, quick, on the tank and fire a bullet! We gotta destroy the kitchen and put Plankton out of business!
Just as Mr. Krabs stops speaking, the tank starts to move backwards. Mr. Krabs turns around to see an army officer taking it away with one hand.
OFFICER: Excuse me, but who do you think you are, you conniving crustacean? This is OUR tank! Where did you get it from?
MR. KRABS: Um... uh... that's-
OFFICER: No talking! I'll have you know that stealing army property is forbidden, and...
Pan over to Plankton and Karen, where they wink eyes at each other.
Bubble transition. There is a queue at the entrance of the Chum Bucket. Cut to a fish, talking to his friend.
FISH: Hey, have you been wondering why the Chum Bucket is booming, but the Krusty Krab seems to be covered in dust?
FRIEND: Not at all! I've heard that the Chum Bucket is selling Krabby Patties, but nobody's working at the Krusty Krab for some reason. Where else to enjoy delicious food, than here at the Chum Bucket?
FISH: Cool! And apparently, there's free entertainment too! We get to see 3 "losers", as the owner put it, do push-ups and stuff whilst we eat.
FRIEND: Wow, I can't wait to enjoy my meal!
Cut to the counter of the Chum Bucket, where Plankton is happily serving customers.
PLANKTON: Next! Welcome to the Chum Bucket, sir. What may I get you on this fantastic day?
FISH: A Krabby Patty, please!
PLANKTON: Sure thing, sir! *to Karen* Karen, I'll need 1 Krabby Patty!
KAREN: On it! 
Karen presses some buttons on a machine, and within a few seconds, a Krabby Patty comes out and is thrown into a pile of pre-made patties. Plankton gets a patty and gives it to the customer, who gives him cash in return.
PLANKTON: Thanks for dining at the Chum Bucket, sir! Oh-ho, business is going so well!
Cut to cash registers, which are full to the brim with cash.
PLANKTON: So well, I think that the cash registers are gonna explode any time soon!
The camera cuts to the fish and follows him, where he is seated (along with many others) facing the Krusty Krew do push-ups, while being commanded by an army officer.
OFFICER: You weaklings! You guys better not steal army property in the future ever again, understood? DOWN!!!
SpongeBob goes down and does his push-up without hassle. However, Mr. Krabs and Squidward are sweating profusely, struggling to even do one push-up.
SPONGEBOB: Bahahahaha! Who knew flipping patties and using my spatula could train my arm strength too?
MR. KRABS: Oh, I should stop relaxing and bathing in money so often...
SQUIDWARD: And I should press buttons on the cash register more frequently!
OFFICER: Let's move it, you morons! DOWN!!!
The crowd laughs while looking at the Krusty Krew suffer. Plankton is also laughing while watching.
PLANKTON: Oh, it feels so good seeing those idiots suffer whilst I bask in my fame and glory! Hahaha!
OFFICER: I won't stop until I feel like it! DOWN!!!
Squidward can't take the torture anymore. He walks over to the army officer angrily.
SQUIDWARD: Excuse me, sir! We've been doing stupid push-ups for like an hour straight, and you're still not going to let us GO?!? Frankly, I think these push-ups are deteriorating our health, not improving it!
Mr. Krabs also walks up to the officer.
MR. KRABS: Sir, Squidward's right! We want these push-ups stopped NOW! We have a restaurant-destroying scheme to plan, you know! Er, I mean... you didn't hear anything. *grabs Squidward and SpongeBob* Come on, you two, let's go. *walks away*
Before the officer can talk, the Krusty Krew has already walked out of the Chum Bucket.
Bubble transition. SpongeBob and Squidward are in Mr. Krabs's office.
MR. KRABS: Okay, that first plan didn't go so well, which is really bad... Plankton's going to get more money, whilst I'll still remain broke forever! This is absolutely treacherous! *falls to the ground, crying* Oh, why...
SPONGEBOB: Mr. Krabs, do you really treasure money THAT much?
MR. KRABS: Of course I do, boyo! There are 4 things essential in life: air, water, food, and money!
SPONGEBOB: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. We're going to kickstart your affluence again, before you know it!
SpongeBob looks beside him, but Squidward is not there.
SPONGEBOB: Make that "I'm going to".
Bubble transition. SpongeBob is walking into the Krusty Krab. The camera pans over to reveal a giant sign next to the Krusty Krab, saying "Had enough of boring, old Krabby Patties? Come in and we'll serve you sumptuous Kelp Fries instead!" Cut to a fish waiting in a queue outside of the Chum Bucket. He notices the sign.
FISH: Hmm... kelp fries? I haven't tried that before. This is my 14th time getting a Krabby Patty anyways, even though they're still delicious. Won't hurt to try something new!
The fish leaves the queue and walks over to the Krusty Krab. More fish notice the sign.
ANOTHER FISH: Why should I trust that sign? That crab is probably jealous that his competitor is getting more fame, and cooks up some probably disgusting dish in order to attract his customers back. Nuh-uh, I ain't going.
OTHER FISHES: Same! Yeah! I agree!
Cut to the fish walking into the Krusty Krab. Squidward is indifferent upon seeing a customer walk into the restaurant.
SQUIDWARD: Wow, that's the first time in forever I've seen a fish walk in here. And what would you like, sir?
FISH: Hey, can I get one of those Kelp Fries advertised in that giant sign outside?
SQUIDWARD: Sure, whatever. SpongeBob, I need an order of Kelp Fries!
SpongeBob pokes out of the order window with a plate of Kelp Fries. Squidward gives the plate to the fish and he walks away. Suddenly, vomiting can be heard.
SQUIDWARD: So that's why nobody orders Kelp Fries. And no more customers? Now I can finally sleep...
Squidward grabs a pillow and presses a button, causing a dome to cover the boat. Mr. Krabs walks out of his office and sees the restaurant empty, causing him to gasp.
MR. KRABS: Oh, why did SpongeBob choose Kelp Fries to be served? Everyone hates that! Well, except for him.
Cut to SpongeBob, gorging on Kelp Fries he made for himself. Cut back to Mr. Krabs.
MR. KRABS: Well, that's another plan busted. And I can't think of any more plans! Two is all I can come up with... *falls to the ground, crying* I'm so pathetic!
Plankton walks into the Krusty Krab, laughing.
PLANKTON: Wow, look at this desolate place! You only have 1 customer... and he's vomiting! *vomiting can be heard from side* What did you serve him, idiot Krabs? A Garbage Patty?
Mr. Krabs gets up.
MR. KRABS: Don't blame me! Blame SpongeBob, it was his idea for giving that poor guy Kelp Fries, which everyone hates.
PLANKTON: Well, whatever dumb plan you have, you're not putting me out of business! I've modified the original Krabby Patty recipe to make it even more delicious, thus attracting more customers!
Plankton grabs a gigantic pile of money from behind him.
PLANKTON: Just look at how much money I'm earning! Want some, puppy?
Upon seeing money, Mr. Krabs acts like a dog, barks and runs after the money. Plankton swipes the money away from Mr. Krabs's trajectory, causing him to slam into a window.
PLANKTON: Haha! Too slow! Have fun living in empty-and-no-money-land, Krabs!
Plankton walks out of the door and heads back to the Chum Bucket. Cut to Mr. Krabs, where he notices another giant sign outside of the Chum Bucket.
MR. KRABS: Huh? New formula: extra meat, extra taste, try a revamped Krabby Patty now? That gives me an idea!
Bubble transition. Mr. Krabs puts on a lady disguise and walks over to the Chum Bucket. There is a very long queue outside, stretching alongside the road between the Chum Bucket and the Krusty Krab.
MR. KRABS: *lady voice* A queue? Oh, no big deal, it should be moving in no time at all. *takes place in queue* All I have to do is wait for an hour, tops!
Nothing happens for a few seconds.
MR. KRABS: Um... is the queue gonna move?
Nothing happens again for another few seconds.
MR. KRABS: Hello?
Nothing happens yet again.
MR. KRABS: Oh, no big deal. I'll just sleep, and the fishes behind me should push me to move along with the crowd.
Time card: A lot of time later...
Mr. Krabs is now a skeleton, his lady disguise still on. The queue is now at the Chum Bucket. The front of the queue moves, and the back pushes Mr. Krabs's skeleton into the Chum Bucket.
Cut into the Chum Bucket, where it's the late Mr. Krabs's turn to order.
PLANKTON: Next! And who's this? A skeleton? Hm... looks awfully crabby. Yeah, nice try, Mr. Krabs. Try staying awake in the queue next time... wait, I still won't serve you a patty either way. Hahaha!
Mr. Krabs's skeleton gets kicked out of the Chum Bucket. Mr. Krabs's skin finally appears back.
MR. KRABS: Oh, blast it! I should've stayed awake in the queue.
Mr. Krabs walks to the Krusty Krab, but accidentally walks into a big vehicle.
MR. KRABS: Ow! What's this? A conveniently placed drill made to advance the storyline? Hmm.... that gives me another idea!
Bubble transition. The Krusty Krew is in the drill.
MR. KRABS: You boys ready to drill into the kitchen and foil Plankton's business once and for all?
SPONGEBOB: Of course I am! I wanna continue flipping patties again!
Squidward is still in the boat, sleeping. The boat is in the drill.
MR. KRABS: Eh, forget about Squidward. SpongeBob, turn on the drill!
SpongeBob presses a button which turns the drill on.
MR. KRABS: Alright, do you have the toolbox? We need tools to disassemble Plankton's patty-making machines.
SpongeBob takes out a toolbox from his pocket. It expands to a bigger size.
SPONGEBOB: Over here, sir! Jack, wrench, hammer, jackhammer, wrench-hammer, hammer-hammmer!
MR. KRABS: Good. And any weapons in case we need to brawl with Plankton?
SpongeBob takes out a spatula, which splits into two and transforms into swords.
MR. KRABS: Cool! Now... let's get drillin'!
Mr. Krabs starts to move the drill forward and digs a hole, going underground.
MR. KRABS: Revenge, here I come! Also, you mind waking Squidward up, SpongeBob? We need extra support in this revenge.
SPONGEBOB: Oh, uh, sure.
SpongeBob grabs a megaphone from his toolbox and shouts at the boat counter with it.
SPONGEBOB: SQUIDWARD, WAKE UP!!!!!
The dome above the boat is broken as a result. Squidward suddenly wakes up.
SQUIDWARD: Wh-wha? Where am I? Why am I underground? Am I dead and buried?
SPONGEBOB: No, silly, we're going to get revenge on Plankton for stealing the formula! Through digging underground, he won't be able to detect our presence!
SQUIDWARD: Eh, whatever.
Cut to the Chum Bucket kitchen, where the floor gives way and the Krusty Krew's drill emerges from the floor.
MR. KRABS: And here we are! Looks like Plankton hasn't noticed us yet. Now we can... uh-oh.
Mr. Krabs notices Karen in the kitchen, pressing buttons to operate the machines.
MR. KRABS: Quick, Squidward, go disconnect Karen's plug so she goes offline and won't notice anything!
SQUIDWARD: If you insist.
Squidward indifferently walks over to a plug and pulls it out. The machinery used to make Krabby Patties stops working, but Karen is still online.
MR. KRABS: Wow! I don't know how, but you pulled the wrong plug and already completed a step of our scheme! But that means...
Karen turns around after experiencing the machine stop working. She sees the Krusty Krew and their drill in the kitchen.
KAREN: *angrily* And may I ask what you three buffoons are doing in here? Trying to put us out of business again?
MR. KRABS: Oh, um, no... I can explain, if you just back away from me!
KAREN: I don't wanna hear it.
Karen ambushes Mr. Krabs, leaping on him and starts to fight.
MR. KRABS: Squidward, quickly! Pull another plug!
SQUIDWARD: Okay, got it!
Squidward pulls another plug, which does nothing.
MR. KRABS: Another one!
Squidward tries to pull another plug, but gets electrocuted by it. Just as Squidward walks over to the next plug, Karen goes offline.
SQUIDWARD: Huh? Oh, wow. I must be a psychic.
Cut to SpongeBob, who is connecting the wire into his phone.
SPONGEBOB: Sorry, Karen, I need to charge my phone for a sec.
MR. KRABS: Great job, boys! Steps 1 and 2 of our plan are done! Now get disassembling, SpongeBob!
SPONGEBOB: Sir, yes, sir!
SpongeBob grabs multiple stacks of dynamite from his toolbox and tapes them around the machine. He grabs a controller, set to explode the dynamite.
SPONGEBOB: Everyone cover your ears! One, two, three...
MR. KRABS: Wait! You're gonna alert-
An extremely loud explosion is heard and covers up the screen. The smoke settles, and the entire kitchen and the Krusty Krew is left in dust and soot.
MR. KRABS: ...Plankton.
SPONGEBOB: Oh, uh... Sorry, sir! *does push-ups* One! Two! Three!
MR. KRABS: You're forgiven.
Cut to Plankton, walking into the kitchen.
PLANKTON: Now, what is going on in here?
Mr. Krabs notices Plankton in the kitchen.
MR. KRABS: Oh, um... nothing! *grabs Krabby Patties and throws them into the drill*
PLANKTON: I know what you're up to, you ridiculous crustacean. Repair this kitchen right now, or else...
Plankton gets trapped by a bowl put on top of him. The bowl gets covered. The bowl is revealed to be SpongeBob's spatula, morphed into a bowl.
MR. KRABS: It's that easy?
SPONGEBOB: Mhm! Nice spatula, am I right?
MR. KRABS: Indeed! Where'd you get it?
SPONGEBOB: Made it myself. Knew it'd come in handy one day!
MR. KRABS: Alright, I think we should leave this drill here. Our job is done!
The Krusty Krew walk out of the kitchen, with Plankton screaming and banging inside the bowl.
FISH: *at counter* Hey, where's Plankton? Isn't he gonna take my order?
MR. KRABS: Attention, patrons! The kitchen has just been destroyed in a well thought-out p- whoops, I mean, in a freak accident! Plankton and Karen were injured in that accident and are now currently in the hospital, so forget about eating patties in this restaurant. Come on down to the Krusty Krab and indulge yourself with delicious Krabby Patties!
FISH: Well, it's better than no patties at all. Off to the Krusty Krab I go.
QUEUE: Yeah! Let's go there! I'm starving!
MR. KRABS: Well, that went off pretty easy, didn't it?
SPONGEBOB: Sure did. Now I can finally cook Krabby Patties again! Yippee!
As SpongeBob walks over to the Krusty Krab to return to his normal life, he gets Plankton out from the bowl and flicks him far away, into a desolate part of Bikini Bottom. Plankton grabs a telescope beside him and zooms in on the Krusty Krab.
PLANKTON: Ah, great. Even in this seemingly successful plan, I still get foiled! Hold on... what's the formula for a Krabby Patty again? Um... darn it, I already forgot! I'm screwed!
Plankton rips off both his antennas and jumps on them repeatedly out of rage.
PLANKTON: Well, at least I have tons of cash in the Chum Bucket I can spend... let's have a look! *starts walking to the Chum Bucket*
Time card: 24 hours later...
Plankton is finally at the entrance of the Chum Bucket, crawling.
PLANKTON: Oh, finally! I'm here! *opens door* Let's have a look at the safes.
Plankton opens a safe, but there is no money inside.
PLANKTON: Huh?
Plankton opens another safe, and yet another, and then all the safes. However, there is no money in any of them, except for a note in the last safe Plankton opens.
PLANKTON: From Mr. Krabs: I was feeling greedy, so I decided to take all of your money. Have fun being broke, Plankton! Maybe you should retire.
Plankton remains silent for a few seconds before finally breaking.
PLANKTON: *angrily* Curse you, Mr. Krabs! Curse you!
Plankton screams in rage and desperation as the episode ends.