Career Fear

5 YEARS AGO... Space Tree was paired up with some idiot 12 years-old.
== Transcript ==
(roll opening credits)
-5 YEARS AGO-
(cut to Space Tree sleeping)
SPACE TREE: Zzz... Right away, Agent Scully...
(the SpeshDiv robot rolls up and starts punching him)
SPESHDIV ROBOT: Attention, Space Tree! Wake up and report to the docking bay, forthwith!
SPACE TREE: Forthwith?
SPESHDIV ROBOT: You heard me!
SPACE TREE: All right! All right! Just stop doing that!
SPESHDIV ROBOT: I'm just doing my job, sir! (in sorta-deeper voice) And lovin' it! Oh, baby! Uh! Uh! Uh!
(cut to docking bay)
SPESHDIV ROBOT: Congratulations. You are on the last step to starting your career as a space cap-i-tain, Space Tree. Today is the arrival of your Commander, who you will be working with for the next few weeks.
SPACE TREE: Yeah, is this part of the training really as bad as everyone says it is?
SPESHDIV ROBOT: Hell yeah. Commanders are all spoiled little bastards. Wait 'til you see this one; I hear he's a real son of a-
(Young Commander enters (throughout the episode, he wears a "I'm 12" t-shirt)
YOUNG COMMANDER: What did you just say, robot?
SPESHDIV ROBOT: Uh... Beep, beep, boop. I didn't say anything, sir. I was just malfunctioning, talking about myself. Not you, Commander.
YOUNG COMMANDER: So, where is this space captain trainee so I can get this over with? If you keep me waiting any longer, my dad'll have you fired into space and then crushed.
SPESHDIV ROBOT: He's right here, oh gracious Commander, sir. Please don't fire me; I've got 10 kids to feed!
YOUNG COMMANDER: What're you talking about? All I see here is this tree. And what's a tree doing inside, anyway? I mean, how's it gonna form a cocoon and evolve into a butterfly?
SPACE TREE: Uh, I'm the guy you're workin' with, Commander.
YOUNG COMMANDER: What the- That tree just talked! It's a monster! A TREE monster!
(he screams and hurls himself out a window)
SPACE TREE: He's not gonna be doing that the whole time, is he?
SPESHDIV ROBOT: (in different voice) Uh... Beep Beep Boop. Error 404. Answer not found.
SPACE TREE: Stop it. That's not even your real voice.
SPESHDIV ROBOT: (in different voice II) Hey, who told you?
YOUNG COMMANDER: A Monster!...
(cool transition sequence)
(cut to Space Tree in the classroom)
SPACE TREE: OK, this is apparently how this thing works. I need to train you to the proper "intelligence level" (as he says this, some guy makes air quotes) so you can pass the test and become a space admiral, which will somehow also prove that I have the skills to become a space captain. So, basically, the only way we can get through this is with the power of teamwork. And that's gonna be hard if you're wearing that blindfold.
(we see the Commander, sitting at a desk, with a blue blindfold on)
YOUNG COMMANDER: Look, I'll take this off when I'm ready. I'm just not prepared to look at you yet. You're like... a monster tre- have you seen how you look? You got like this creepy-ass tree big mouth on you and like a It just like friggin' freaks me out, man! I think to understand how I feel, you really need to have eyes.
SPACE TREE: All right, let's not start on who does or doesn't have eyes, all right?
YOUNG COMMANDER: Hey, check it out. It's like I'm blind. Heh. (jumps on top of his desk) I am Daredevil! The man without fear! Ha!
(he leaps over to S. Tree; his blindfold falls off)
SPACE TREE: ... Your blindfold fell off.
YOUNG COMMANDER: AAAAA!!!
(cool transition sequence II)
(cut to a doodle of Space Tree and Commander's Mom on the phone)
NARRATOR: And so, Space Tree called the Commander's parents and had a very non-animation-worthy telephone conversation.
(cut to Space Tree hanging up the phone)
SPACE TREE: Man, their whole family's retarded...
(Young Commander leaps in, with another blindfold; this one has fake eyes drawn on it)
YOUNG COMMANDER: Check it out, Space Tree, I can look at you now. I'm not afraid anymore.
SPACE TREE: Yeah, look kid I've got some baaaad news. Your parents are cutting of all your credit cards and abandon you here until you finish the training.
YOUNG COMMANDER: They what? (draws angry eyebrows on the blindfold) After all I did for them, too- those selfish, ingrateful ungrates!
SPACE TREE: Yeah, well, boo-friggin-hoo. I'm gonna be stuck into this thing as well apparently, since you're so dumb that you can't finish the training.
YOUNG COMMANDER: (rips his blindfold off) Hey! No one calls the Commander an idiot.
SPACE TREE: I didn't call you an idiot, I said you were dumb.
YOUNG COMMANDER: Well, it looks like were both gonna be in the saaaaaame boat then. Both betrayed by our environments.
SPACE TREE: Yeah, whatever you say, Commander. By the way, your blindfold came off again.
YOUNG COMMANDER: Oh, would you look at that, I didn't even realize. I guess I'm really not afraid any less.
SPACE TREE: Uh, I think you mean "any more", Commander.
YOUNG COMMANDER: Oh yeah? Hey look at that, I'm learning already. Maybe we could get through this training after all. Or is it "after none"?
SPACE TREE: No it is "after all", you were right the first time. And maybe we could get through this training then. Glad to hear you're on board, Commander. Let's get to work.
YOUNG COMMANDER: AAAAA!!!
(cool scene transition, says "LET'S GET TO WORK")
(cut to Space Tree & Commander in the classroom)
SPACE TREE: All right, so welcome to the REAL first day of training.
YOUNG COMMANDER: Welcome to yourself, Space Tree!
SPACE TREE: Now, the usual time for a team to finish the training is about three weeks. But, you know what? I've got a feeling we could do it in four.
YOUNG COMMANDER: Hell yeah, we could! Because we're gifted.
SPACE TREE: We sure are. Now, let's get started. (pan over to chalkboard; a triangle is drawn on it) What we have here is a triangle. It has three sides, and-
YOUNG COMMANDER: (talking to himself over Space Tree) This thing is so easy. I'll be able to pass that test in no time!
(4 YEARS LATER)
SPACE TREE: All right, now let's go over this again. This is a triangle.
COMMANDER: TRI-angle? More like... bi-angle!
ALLON: A-Ha ha ha ha... ugh.
(the end)
== Easter Eggs ==
* At the end click on the hidden SpeshDiv eyes for an alternate version of his "and loving it" line in which his eyeballs explode.
* Click on Commander's eyes to get an easter egg with Commander X and Stabby McGee.
=== Transcript ===
-25 Years Later-
OLD COMMANDER: Triangle? More like "bi-angle"!
(enter Stabby McGee!)
STABBY MCGEE: A-ha! You already said that 25 years ago, you repetitive son of a bitch!
OLD COMMANDER: Man, what's up with your face?
== Fun Facts ==
* This is the first episode with no end credits.
*While Space Tree is informing the Commander that he's been abandoned 'aband'ning' flashes on the screen.
* The sign to Space Tree's right (your left) in the first scene reads 'Vertical Sleeping Bay'.
* When The Commander says "Triangle, more like 'bi-angle'" Allon (off screen) has a really weird smile.
== References ==
* Space Tree teaches the Commander about Triangles
*Stabby McGee already said a very similar line to the one in the easter egg in Stabby's Revenge, that repetitive son of a bitch!
* Error 404 is the HTTP error File not Found.
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