High Scale/Transcript

(The episode starts at Jon's house, where Jon looks at a picture of Liz)
Jon: Gee. I haven't seen Liz in days. (to Garfield) Garfield, you don't look so good today. (Garfield sighs)
Garfield: Here we go again. (cut to Liz's Vet) Would it be easier to buy a dinner?
Jon: Can I help you hold your stethoscope?
Liz: Jon, there's nothing wrong with Garfield.
Garfield: See, she knows!
Liz: Nothing except his weight, of course.
Garfield: What do you know?
Liz: Which reminds me, I better see what he's doing in that department. (carries Garfield) 2 more pounds and we'll need a forklift to do this.
Garfield: Eh, Sarcastic remarks are my job! (they go to the scale)
Liz: You're going to inaugurate my new state-of-the-art animal scale, Garfield. Jon, would you turn the dial to "Portly Pussycat"?
Jon: (turns to dial) "Portly Pussycat" just as you asked! (Garfield was carried and stand on the scale)
Scale: OOOOOOOOOWWWWW! (Garfield gets scared) Get off me, you overweight tub of pasta and goo! (Garfield jumps up)
Garfield: Yikes! That thing talked! And it screamed at me! And it's rude!
Liz: Oh, I forgot to tell you, this is a talking scale.
Scale: Come back here, you bucket of lard! I wasn't finished with you!
Liz: Garfield's heavier that he thought. It says he needs to lose two pounds right away by the end of the week, if possible.
Jon: And if he doesn't?
Liz: Then I think we have no choice but to send him to the Cat Spa.
Garfield: The Cat Spa. That sounds great. Massages, long naps, more massages, more long naps...
Liz: They'll put him on a strict low fat diet.
Garfield: (realizes) Strict low-fat diet?! (he climbs on Jon) This low-fat diet, can I still eat lasagna and pizza and porked fried rice and bacon wrapped with bacon, right?
Liz: Here's the video of the place I had in mind.
Narrator: Welcome to Maggie's Cat Spa. The world's leading health resort for lazy, overweight cats with attitude.
Sarah O'Connor: When we brought Hector to Maggie's Cat Spa, He was eating 12 meals a day.
Old Man: Well, when he got so fat, he had to walk to the living room from the kitchen, He took a cab!
Sarah: But thanks to Maggie's Cat Spa, this will all be hard to show.
Old Man: Well, look at Hector now! Doesn't he look positive and look healthy and alert? (Hector groans, Jon and Garfield are shocked)
Narrator: At Maggie's Cat Spa, your beloved pet will be placed on a strict regalement of exercise and diet. (Hector groans after he eats food, the video ends)
Jon: Garfield can't go to that place!
Garfield: Yeah, Listen to Jon, he's right for a change!
Liz: Either he loses 2 pounds at the end of the week, or it's the Cat Spa for him. (Garfield and Jon get scared and shudder) Here, take the scale home with you so you can monitor his process.
Jon: I'll do my best to send him down. Do you think you can do that, Garfield? (He sees Garfield eat a sandwich) GARFIELD! That's Liz's lunch!
Garfield: Well, watching all that exercise made me...hungry. (he nervously laughs; cut to his house)
Jon: Dinner's ready, Garfield!
Garfield: I want lasagna and ribs and chinese food and chocolate cream pie, and roast beef, and a side of roast beef, and a third helping of my second helpings and... (he sees his dinner is a lettuce leaf) Hey. What's this?
Jon: Enjoy your lettuce leaf, Garfield.
Garfield: (he examines it, tastes it and eats it, but doesn't like it) Gee. I was expecting food. (he looks in the fridge to get food)
Jon: (calling Liz) I put him on that strict diet you recommended, Liz. (he sees Garfield with the leaf covered with food)
Garfield: You know these things aren't half bad when you cover it in whipped cream and chocolate sauce.
Jon: Uh, I'll call you back, Liz. (to Garfield) Let's see where we stand now. (Garfield on the scale)
Scale: Hey, you gained another pound! Nice going, fatso! A few more ounces and you'll be qualified for your own zipcode!
Jon: See, Now you have to lose 3 Pounds!
Garfield: I'll worry about it in the morning. (he goes upstairs)
Jon: I don't know what have to happen to take this seriously. (cut to Garfield in bed, is nighttime)
Garfield: Jon won't send me to that fat cat place. (he begins to sleep) Even if I did, it wouldn't be so bad...wouldn't be so bad...(A cat spa in Garfield's nightmare is shown; everything is black and white but Garfield is still orange though, imprisoned in jail) Let me out! Please! Let me out! I don't belong here! It's all a big mistake, I tell you! I'm not overweight! I just have a big very big of fur!
Hector: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Nurse Psycho doesn't like it when we scream in terror.
Garfield: (terrified) NURSE PSYCHO?!
Hector: You don't wanna know what she did to the last fat, obese cat that complained!
Garfield: What did she do?
Hector: (shivers) Let's put it this way. It was me.
Garfield: No! No! Jon! Would there be someone else compliant! HELP! Wait. I have to get a grip. Nurse Psycho can't possibly be that bad. (She arrives)
Nurse Psycho: WHERE'S THE NEW FAT CAT? (thunders sound are heard)
Garfield: Oh yeah, she can possibly be that bad...
Nurse Psycho: There you are. Have you been screaming in terror?!
Garfield: Oh, me? Ah, no. I was practicing my yodeling. Listen. (yodels, then was carried)
Nurse Psycho: We're going to get you into shape. (cut to cafeteria) First, dinner.
Garfield: Dinner's good.
Nurse Psycho: I hope you like "pea".
Garfield: Peas? Sure, I like peas.
Nurse Psycho: No. Pea. (serves a plate with a single pea) One pea. (Garfield looks at the pea with a glass of water, but only a drop of water)
Garfield: Gee. That's a pretty small pea. (to Audience) Would you all please turn away? I don't wanna cry when my fans are watching.
Nurse Psycho: Eat it!
Garfield: Can I eat half now? And take the rest home in a doggie bag?
Nurse Psycho: EAT IT! You'll start to exercise as soon as you're finished.
Garfield: As soon as I finish it. Ok. Well, here it goes. (he lifts the pea and throws it in his mouth and chews on it) Mmm-mmm.(Nurse Psycho pounds the table with her fist, making Garfield swallowing the pea and belches loudly) Oh, my compliments to the chef!
Nurse Psycho: Now, it's time for your workout.
Garfield: Wait. I need time to digest my huge meal. (smiles, but does gymnastics)
Nurse Psycho: Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down. Now repeat for the rest of all eternity.
Garfield: No. I must've lost 2 pounds by now. (he goes to the scale)
Scale: Sorry, Pal. You're still fat.
Garfield: WHAT?! (he was dragged by Nurse Psycho, doing jogs and laps)
Nurse Psycho: FASTER! My grandmother came faster than that.
Garfield: Help! Her grandmother makes me do this to her! I must've lost weight by now. (he goes to the scale again)
Scale: Didn't you hear me, jumbo?! You're still fat. (Garfield gasps, but is dragged by Nurse Psycho, he does pushups)
Nurse Psycho: FASTER!
Garfield: (Groans), Oh boy!
Nurse Psycho: FASTER! (he does it) FASTER! (he gives up) We don't like slackers around here!
Garfield: What am I doing here? Why are you doing this to me?! And why is everything black-and-white?! I must've lost my weight by now! (Garfield goes to the scale once more)
Scale: Guess what, chubby? (Garfield sees his true unveiled form and gasps; beep sound)
Mutant Spider Scale: That's right. You're fatter than ever. Even your flab is fat. You're so fat that when (its voice deepens) you sit around the house! YOU SIT AROUND THE HOUSE!!!
Garfield: Knock off the insults!
Mutant Spider Scale: You're so fat that when you step on a scale, it says one at a time, please. (Garfield closes the doors on him) You're so fat that you need to watch on each wrest one for each time zone! (he appears in front of Garfield; he screams) Don't Be Afraid Garfield. You're among friends now. In fact, ALL your friends ARE HERE! (Garfield looks around, flinchingly)
Garfield: I don't see any friends.
Mutant Spider Scale: Here are your friends, Garfield. (the food and thurl ravenscroft and Cindy-Lou Who comes out of nowhere) Pizza, ice cream, pie, cake, cheese, roast beef lasagna, singer and of course, little cindy-lou who! They're ALL your friends!
Talking Food (all together) And Thurl Ravenscroft (Voice-over) And Cindy Lou Who: We're your friends, Garfield!!?
Talking Food: (all together) Eat!
Thurl Ravescroft (Voice-over): And Two Presents!
Cindy Lou Who: And Toys?
Talking Food: (all together) And Thurl Ravescroft (Voice-over) And Cindy Lou Who: us, Garfield!!?
Talking Food: (all together) They're delicious,!
Thurl Ravescroft (Voice-over) And Cindy Lou Who: And christmas comes tomorrow!?
Talking Food: (all together) And Thurl Ravenscroft (Voice-over) And Cindy-Lou Who: and fattening!!? (repeats in a loop until Garfield falls)
Garfield: Whoa!! (The door itself opens behind Garfield) Get away from me! (the food and thurl ravenscroft (voice-over) and cindy lou who pleas be Garfield's friend, and the scale maniacally laughs) I have to lose weight! (he backs away from them until he falls into the dark abyss) AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! (Everything turns silent, Garfield wakes up; gasps; is dizzy from his nightmare) I have to lose weight! I have to lose weight!
Jon: I don't know what to do, Liz. I can't get him to exercise! (he sees Garfield jogging with Odie as his coach)
Garfield: 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2, 1, 2...
Liz: Jon? Jon? Is there something wrong? (he then sees Garfield doing exercises and odie follows him blowing a whistle)
Garfield: I'll do situps after I finish my aerobics!
Jon: Uh, I have to call you back, Liz. I seem to be having hallucinations. (he hangs up, and sees Garfield) Garfield, I'm so impressed! (Odie comes in) I'm sure you lost at least 2 pounds! (Garfield gets on the scale)
Garfield: He better not insult me.
Scale: You still need to lose 2 pounds. (Garfield is shocked by this, the scale laughs, and Garfield loses his mind, realizing it was from his nightmare, who insulted him)
Jon: I can't understand it! You must've lost weight, you must have! (looks) OH! I see what the problem is. I was going to set it on "Portly Pussycat" and by accident, I set it to "Pintsize Parakeet"! (Garfield grimaces this, Jon turns the dials, making sure he lost weight) You're fine! In fact, you didn't have to lose 2 pounds in the first place! (Garfield gets mad at him) But isn't it good to drop a few pounds, Garfield? (He scares Jon) Garfield? Why do you look so mad? Garfield! (He flees) Leave me alone! Don't hurt me! HELP! HELP!
Garfield: I should go after him, but I have some more important things to do. (cut to zoo) Let's see what you weigh, jumbo! (An elephant puts one foot on the scale)
Scale: What are you? An elephant?! You really need to lose weight! You need to looooooooooooooooooooooo... (powering down)
Garfield: Yeah, I know it's cruel. But there's some things in this world you just can' forgive and making me exercise is most of them. (puts a side glance to the viewers)
(Episode ends)
Category:Audio transcripts