Cringy Friends/Transcript

(The episode begins in the Candle House.)
Candle Man: (Closing his room's door after waking up.) Another day, another darn migraine…
(Candle Man walks down the stairs to find the other Candle Friends already woken up.)
Candle Man: Uhh, how are you guys also awake this early?
Shaduck: Duh, it's around two in the afternoon!
Candle Man: WHAT THE FLIP?! THERE'S NO WAY I SLEPT THAT LONG!!!
Mystic: At least you woke up today, unlike that time you slept for three days straight!
Candle Man: Jeez, I really do love sleeping…
Limefong: Jeah, you big sleepy head!
Mystic: (Smugly.) We should get him the best alarm clock money can buy.
Candle Man: FLIP NO!
(Meanwhile, the scene cuts to the Spammers' lair.)
Whickey: So, Book, how's it goin'?
Book: Good, thanks.
Whickey: I MEANT, AS IN, THAT BUNCH OF VIDEO TAPES! GOSH DARN IT!!!
Book: Oh wait, those? I just finished.
Maps: And I had to tell him every step of how to do that, how fun.
Flames: Uh, Book… that candle guy looks familiar…
Gyux: jwjsjgmamcmrnajejjdkqmdkr (subtitles: "Yeah, him and you look very familiar…")
Kitchen: As in similar to each other in appearance…
Luis: We should focus on our plan. We still should too. Woo hoo!
Ivan: Ugh, why can't Luis be this accurate all the time?!
Luis: No one listens. They still don’t too. Duh.
Secretky: If I want this plan to succeed, it does succeed - my intentions matter the most!
Maps: Oh come on, this is no time to talk about stuff, let's just go already!
(Cue theme song. After that, the scene cuts to the exterior of the Candle House, where Whickey puts a box in front of the door, and presses the doorbell, then runs away. Not noticing Whickey, the Main 4 open the door and are surprised to see the box.)
Limefong: Uh, did anyone order anything?
Shaduck, Mystic, and Candle Man: Nope.
Limefong: Well, I didn't, either.
Shaduck: Anyway, I wanna open this box. Maybe, inside it, there's something amazing!
Mystic: But what if it’s a trap?
Shaduck: I don’t know. Also CAN’T I JUST OPEN IT?
Mystic: (Rolls eyes in annoyance.) Ugh, fine… but I warned you if it turns out to be a trap all along!
Shaduck: (Lets out a huge sigh.) Ugh, don’t be so paranoid.
Limefong: It’s annoying that you two always fight. Can’t we just decide what to do with it?!
Candle Man: Yes. We need to open this box... (The top of the box says “For the Candle Friends”, as Candle Man grabs it.) ...right now!
Limefong: Uhh, no? Hold up… (Reads the quote on the box, which is the only thing shown on-screen.) "For the Candle Friends"? (Goes back on-screen.) Fishy...
Mystic: Finally, someone who sees my point. It might be a trap!
Shaduck: C'mon, Mystic, stop being so paranoid, you bird-flipper!
Mystic: But, like, it may or may not be a trap… and what if it is one?
Candle Man: Nah. Why can’t we just flipping open it now?
Shaduck: ...YES, DO IT!
Candle Man: Great! GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT GREAT!!! (Opens the box only to find that inside is nothing more than...)
Mystic, Shaduck, and Limefong: (Unamused, and a bit disappointed.) Video tapes?
Candle Man: THEY ARE BOUND TO BE PRECIOUS! 
Mystic, Shaduck, and Limefong: Okay...
Candle Man: Wait… I think… they are playable video tapes, we don’t need to put it into the TV.
Limefong: This is strange, jeah? Phone-like video tapes, but with only the video tapes on the entire thing… weird… Anyway, let’s play them.
(Candle Man plays one of the videos.)
Candle Man: Let’s play this...to see what memories are on these tapes!
(Candle Man presses the play button, starting the first video. The video is of Candle Man rubbing his butt into the couch intensely like a weirdo.)
Shaduck: What the flip, bro?
Candle Man: I know… well, this isn’t that bad.
Limefong: But very bad...
(Cuts back to the video.)
Video Candle Man: MMM… MMM… TIME TO LIGHT IT UP… WITH MY BUTT…
(The Candle Man in the video now moves with his butt all the way to the light switch, turning the lamp on)
Video Candle Man: So much better…now I’m really lighting it up!
Shaduck: Wait, you have a butt? Since when?!
Candle Man: (It shows his rear side.) Uhh… since I was born?
Shaduck: It doesn’t sho-
(Candle Man twerks at Shaduck to prove it, weirding him out.)
Shaduck: Never mind.
(Candle Man resumes the video.)
Video Candle Man: (Walks back with his butt.) So good to be naked AND not having to show your crotch and your butt all the time… eh, Candle Man? (Kisses his butt like a weirdo.)
(Candle Man is shocked to see his past self do this, and throws away the video tape right back into the box, blushing in embarrassment.)
Candle Man: What the flip? When did I do that?
Mystic: I would say about three days ago.
Candle Man: I’m so embarrassed.
Limefong: (Picks up another video tape.) Hey look! Another video tape! Let’s watch it!
(Limefong taps the play button, playing the video.)
Video Limefong: Hello guys, it’s a me, Limefong! Today I’m just gonna screw this fridge up, ready?
Candle Man: (Offscreen.) Hmm. This seems familiar whenever there’s pizza in the back of the fridge.
Limefong: (Off-screen, even though his hands are seen holding the video camera.) Wait, did I actually record that?
Video Limefong: I’m also gonna eat every single food item so that they will be ticked.
(Suddenly, in the video, Candle Man walks in.)
Video Candle Man: What did you just say?
Video Limefong: Nothing!
Video Candle Man: Don’t ya dare lie to me, AND I’M GONNA PREVENT YOU FROM EATING EVERY SINGLE FOOD ITEM… BECAUSE FLIPPING EGGPLANTS!
(Video Candle Man is shown eating the eggplants from the fridge like how Richard ate from the fridge in “The Diet”.)
Video Limefong: YOU RUINED MY PLAN!
(Video Limefong is shown eating everything else from the fridge like how Richard ate from the fridge in “The Diet”.)
Video Candle Man: WHY DID YOU EAT MY EGGPLANTS YA GOSH DARN STUPID TRIVIAFLIP?
Video Limefong: DON’T YOU DARE CALL ONE OF YOUR BESTIES A “TRIVIAFLIP”!
(Video Candle Man and Limefong play tug-a-war but with their mouths, both trying to get the eggplant slice both of them have in their mouths to be pulled into their mouths. It results in them having eggplant all over their faces.)
Video Candle Man: At least I got this. (Licks the eggplant from his face.) Deee-licious!
(The video stops, with a “Stop” sign all over it.)
Limefong: Did we seriously get into a food fight?
Shaduck: Yep, duh!
Mystic: While acting like hostile animals. (Pulls out the third video tape.) What is this though…?
(Mystic plays it, it's offscreen though.)
Video Mystic: Oh yeah, get in there real deep! 
Video Candle Man: Gladly, my Mystical, haha!
Candle Man: Wait, no! When did we do that? (He, Shaduck, and Limefong look at the video.) Oh never mind.
(It is shown onscreen and it's just Mystic and Candle Man struggling to get a trash bag - which is too big to fit in - into the trash can)
Video Candle Man: CAN'T THIS THING JUST…
Video Mystic: Why can't we ask an anthropomorphic bag to help us fit this trash?!
Video Candle Man: Sure…
Candle Man: (Offscreen.) But if it isn't that one thing, why isn’t this cringy like the others?
Video Candle Man: Oh wait, ya know what? Let's just…
(Video Candle Man kicks the trash can over)
Video Candle Man: There!
Mystic: And I seriously question why I date you because of stuff like this. 
Shaduck: (Offscreen.) Maaaaybe because of you littering.
(Candle Man throws this video tape back into the box.)
Candle Man: Stop messing with my head…
(Mystic then spots another tape with her handwriting on its label, as she freezes over the sight as she starts blushing hard, before throwing it in the trash.)
Shaduck: What was that tape of?
Mystic: NOTHING FOR YOU TO SEE!
Shaduck: (Pulls it out.) Oh, come on, Mystic, surely it isn’t that bad!
(Mystic snatches the tape from Shaduck and places it back into the trash, too embarrassed to admit what was recorded on the tape.)
Candle Man: Oh come on Mystical, Shaduck is right, surely what is on that tape isn’t that bad!
Mystic: (Muttering as she faces the rest of the Candle Friends with an embarrassed look on her face.) It may not be that bad to you guys, but it is very bad to me!
Limefong: What’s on it?
Mystic: YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW!
(However, they play the tape, and footage of Mystic in a fur suit is played, her ex-boyfriend recording her with his camera)
Video Mystic’s ex: Lookin’ good, sweetheart! You going to ze Furry-Con?
Candle Man, Limefong and Shaduck: FURRY CON?!
Shaduck: YOU WERE A FURRY?!
Video Mystic: Oh yes, yes I am, my precious Shimirror, (Mystic does a cat sound, where the present Mystic is trying to hide her face.) meow meow as the fellow furries would say!
Video Shimirror: You do know that is not what they say, right sweetheart?
Video Mystic: Well you should know by now I’m still into this whole furry thing, but I’ll get the hang of it!
Video Aqua: Lookin’ cool Mystic! (Offscreen where the camera pans to a younger TMS, giving thumbs up to Mystic.) We wish you luck on this new lifestyle for you!
Video Darwin: Maybe it can actually be healthier on you with all these tasks of being ruler of Galaxia Omega.
Video Gwen, Gumball and Tora: Mhm, no doubt about it.
Video Darwin: And maybe it can give us time so we ca-
(Static is seen given the tape’s old age, making the rest of Darwin’s line unhearable.)
Mystic: (In high levels of embarrassment.) TURN IT OOOOOFFFFF! (Turns it off and throws the tape out the window to which she turns behind her to find that Candle Man, Limefong and Shaduck are trying not to break out laughing.) Oh, you guys better not laugh at my furry phase. Why did I not burn that tape?
Candle Man: Well I can see why you would not want us to see that, with the furry stuff and...that Shimirror dude. Anyways, what's on this one…?
(Candle Man pulls out another tape.)
Mystic: Geez, who’s old handwriting is that? I can't even make it out!
(Candle Man then makes it out to be his handwriting when he was 5 years old.)
Candle Man: Oh geez, it's mine.
Mystic: Your old handwriting was terrible, my lord. What is on that tape?
Candle Man: I don’t know! It’s so old, I can’t remember what I possibly recorded on it!
(Candle Man puts it in only for the Candle Friends to be greeted by a jumpscare from a old horror film, as Candle Man falls off the couch in fright, the other three are fine)
Shaduck: HAHAHA!
Candle Man: Who recorded that?! Like GEEZ!
Mystic: You scaredy cat! I wasn’t even fazed by that! I’ve seen this film plenty of times, it's a classic in Galaxia Omega Studios! (Lifts up a VHS tape of the film.) I even have a copy when the film first released on VHS!
Shaduck: Geez, you must be old to grow up with VHS.
Mystic: That’s because I am old.
Limefong, hey, there’s another tape in here!
(He takes it out and puts it in. On it is a young Candle Man in the bathroom. He turns on the faucet.)
Video Candle Man: It’s bath time!
Candle Man: Oh, no.
(Video Candle Man spots a sticky note that says, “Candle Man, stop bathing in the sink! -Bag”. He tears it up.)
Video Candle Man: I don’t need to listen to you! 
(He gets into the sink and uses the hand soap to bathe.)
Candle Man: ENOUGH! TURN IT OFF!
(Video Candle Man continues bathing, but suddenly, the shower curtain is pulled back a bit, and Baghead with a shower cap over his head peers out slightly and screams.)
Video Baghead: WHAT THE VARP ARE YOU DOING?!
Video Candle Man: AHH!
(Candle Man, having enough, takes the tape out and smashes it.)
Candle Man: How was that filmed, anyhow?
(Mystic finds a tape with Shaduck’s handwriting on it. She smirks at him.)
Mystic: Oh Shaduck, look what I found! Eheheh!
Shaduck: Oh no.
(She puts it in, and a young Shaduck is at karaoke night.)
Video Shaduck: (Singing way off-key.) Never gonna make you fly, never gonna have you fried! Never gonna cook you up, and EAT YOU!
Mystic: WHAT IN THE NAME OF QUEEN GALAXIA IS THIS TORTURE?!
Shaduck: Art!
Video Shaduck: (Still singing way off-key.) Never gonna pluck your hide, never gonna say you died! Never gonna peck your food, and STARVE YOU!
(It turns out everyone but Shaduck are covering their ears, while the latter is hopping along with his past self.)
Limefong: Shaduck, you like this?!
Shaduck: Better days, Lime. Better days.
Mystic: YOUR SINGING SOUNDS LIKE THE PITS OF HELL!
Shaduck: I’ve yet to hear you sing.
Limefong: Let’s find out, shall we?
Candle Man: Yeah! I’m pretty sure she sings like an angel. 
(He puts in another tape, and Mystic is at another karaoke night.)
Video Mystic: (Singing even more off-key.) Sparkles and streamers and stars in the night, non-magic people just give me a fright! I stir up my cauldron and add in some frog, throw in some newt and feed it to my dog!
(Everyone but Mystic, who is extremely embarrassed, laughs their butts off.)
Candle Man: SINCE WHEN DID YOU HAVE A DOG?!
Limefong: I-
Mystic: It’s a song! SO JUST TURN IT OFF!
(Mystic turns it off and looks in the box for another tape, but they have watched all of the tapes.)
Shaduck: Hm, looks like the cringiness is over?
Limefong: Cringiness? You liked all of that stuff!
Shaduck: But there was only one about me!
Everyone else: EXACTLY!
(The doorbell rings, and another box is at the door.)
Mystic: Another one?! The mailman must really hate us!
Limefong: Do we dare open it?
Candle Man: NO!
(He grabs his frying pan and smashes the box, which then opens to reveal an electronic item.)
Candle Man: OUR NEW GAME CONSOLE!
Limefong: Nice going, Candle Man.
Mystic: (Smugly.) More like Candle Idiot. 
(It is revealed that everything that’s happened since Mystic pointed out the second box is on another tape, and is revealed that they did indeed open the box.)
Shaduck: We never did get reimbursed, did we?
Mystic and Limefong: No.
Candle Man: WHY DID WE OPEN THE BOX?!
(Shaduck fishes around in the box until he finds what he’s looking for.)
Shaduck: Mystic moments.
(He puts it in, and on it is a teenaged Mystic, who is happily bathing the teenaged Mystic Stars in a bathrobe.)
Video Mystic: (Singing way off-key.) Scrubby scrubby scrubby scrubby scrubby scrubby scrubby scrub!
Video Gwen: You sure are bathing us well, Mystic!
Video Gumball: Your singing on the other hand…
Video Darwin: It’s left to be desired.
Video Aqua: Agreed.
Video Tora: No wonder why you didn’t join choir. 
(Mystic screams and turns off the tape.)
Mystic: I don’t know what’s more embarrassing: the fact that I bathed The Mystic Stars, or the fact that I still do.
(Everyone else laughs. Mystic gets out another tape.)
Mystic: I think we’ve been deprived of Limefong moments.
(She puts it in, and on it is Limefong, who is sniffing a fire hydrant.)
Limefong: No. No no no no no-
(Video Limefong pees on the hydrant, only to find out he peed his pants since his pants are on.)
Limefong: NOOOOO!
Candle Man: I wonder how long his pants stunk. 
Limefong: I washed them when I got home, and I ONLY DID IT ONCE!
Candle Man: Sure.
(He fishes around until he finds a Shaduck tape.)
Candle Man: Let’s see if you like this, Shaduck.
(However, it is not about Shaduck. It is the music video to “Never Gonna Make You Fly”. Everyone but Shaduck screams.)
Shaduck: You just got chickrolled…again!
(He dances along with the music. Mystic looks in the box and grabs another tape.)
Mystic: Oh gee, a Candle Man tape. (Smugly and she looks at Candle Man.) I wonder what’s on it.
(She puts it in, and on it is Candle Man, who is in a public bathroom. He turns on the sink.)
Video Candle Man: It’s bathing time!
Candle Man: Oh no… not again!
(Video Candle Man does exactly what he did in the Brown house’s bathroom.)
Candle Man: NO! TURN IT OFF!
Mystic: No! This is just too good.
(Video Candle Man starts singing.)
Video Candle Man: Oh yeah, I’m bathing! I’m bathing, yeah! Scrub scrub scrub, I’m bathing!
(Moose comes out of one of the stalls.)
Video Moose: WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?!
Video Candle Man: AHH!
(Candle Man takes it out and tries to find a Mystic tape to get back at her, being successful soon enough.)
Candle Man: Let’s see…
(He puts it in and on it is Mystic, who, with Ribbon and Judy, is in the middle of trying to wake Mystix up with a feather.)
Video Judy: Come on Mystic, wake her up!
Video Mystic: Are you crazy?! Mystix hates being woken up!
Video Ribbon: (With a piece of bread.) Well, slap her awake with this bread then!
(Mystic, feeling pressured, slaps Mystix with the bread, while Judy and Ribbon run out of the room. Mystix screams and throws a pillow at Mystic.)
Video Mystix: I told you not to wake me up! You asked for this!
Video Mystic: WAIT! MYSTIX, I CAN EXPLAIN!
(Mystix puts their father’s dirty underwear on Video Mystic’s head before taking the bread and eating it and going back to sleep. Video Mystic screams.)
Mystic: AHH! OFF! OFF! OFF!
(She turns it off. Shaduck looks in the box, but there is only one big tape left.)
Shaduck: (Reading.) “The Cringy Candle Friends”. I think this is about all of us.
Limefong: Jeah, seems like it, but whose handwriting is that? It’s not mine!
Candle Man: Or mine!
Mystic: It doesn’t matter. Put it in.
(Shaduck puts the tape in, and all of them are at the pool. Candle Man goes in, but screams.)
Video Candle Man: HELP! I CAN’T SWIM! I’M DYING! HELP ME!
Candle Man: Ohhhh… 
(Video Shaduck sighs and dives in to save him.)
Video Candle Man: You’re my hero, Shaduck!
(Mystic gets into the pool and grabs a pool noodle.)
Video Mystic: Shaduck, what is this?
Video Shaduck: It’s a pool noodle.
Video Mystic: Food made for the pool? Okay.
(Mystic eats the pool noodle.)
Video Mystic: It goes great with the pool water!
(She drinks the pool water.)
Mystic: Ahhh!
(The video lifeguard blows his whistle and points at Limefong.)
Video Lifeguard: EVERYONE OUT! URINARY INCIDENT!
(Video Mystic, Video Shaduck, and everyone else but Limefong get out while screaming.)
Limefong: TURN IT OFF!
Shaduck: No!
(The tape then shows the pool locker room, where Video Shaduck goes to use the bathroom. While peeing at a urinal, he starts singing.)
Video Shaduck: (Singing off-key.) Never gonna make you fly, never gonna have you fried! Never gonna cook you up, and EAT YOU!
(Meanwhile, Candle Man turns on the faucet on one of the sinks.)
Video Candle Man: It’s bathing time!
Candle Man: NO!
(Video Candle Man gets in and uses the hand soap to bathe.)
Video Candle Man: Oh yeah, I’m bathing! I’m bathing, yeah! Scrub scrub scrub, I’m bathing!
(Video Baghead comes out of one of the stalls in an orange bathing suit and a plastic sheet around his bag.)
Video Baghead: NOT AGAIN, CANDLE MAN!
Limefong: Please tell me my cringy stuff is over.
(Video Limefong walks up to a locker, sniffs it, and marks his territory on it.)
Limefong: AHHH!
(The footage cuts to Video Mystic in the other locker room, where she turns on five of the sinks.)
Video Mystic: It’s bathing time!
(Video Mystic puts The Mystic Stars into the sinks and starts washing them.)
Mystic: MAKE THIS HELL STOP!
(The video Candle Friends all meet at the top of the pool building, and go to the edge of the building.)
Video Candle Man: Hey, let’s go poop on people at the bottom floor!
Video Mystic and Shaduck: Yeah!
Video Limefong: Jeah!
Everyone: No!
(The footage shows the bottom floor of the pool, but before any poop can hit the ground, the Candle Friends take out the tape and obliterate it with their powers. The doorbell rings, and they all scream. Another package is at the door.)
Candle Man: ENOUGH!
(He grabs a buzzsaw and cuts the package, filled with more tapes, in half. Limefong spots the return address.)
Limefong: The Spammers.
(The Candle Friends break into the Spammers’ lair.)
Whickey: You guys!
Candle Man: Why did you send us those awful tapes, you jerks?!
Kitchen: We wanted to make you suffer, and we succeeded.
Shaduck: Um, I was completely fine with the-
Mystic: Well, you’re not getting away with this!
Flames: Yes, we will.
(The Spammers put a tape in, but Candle Man burns the tape first. The Spammers look at them in fear.)
Ivanmaste: W-what are you gonna do with us?
Candle Man: Exactly what we should do with you.
(Cuts to them playing another tape. Instead of Candle Man, Flames bathes in the sink.)
Video Flames: Oh yeah, I’m bathing! I’m bathing, yeah! Scrub scrub scrub, I’m bathing!
(Video Luis walks in on him doing this.)
Video Luis: WHAT THE VARP ARE YOU DOING?!
(Video Kitchen then bathes Video Gyux.)
Video Kitchen: (Singing way off-key.) Scrubby scrubby scrubby scrubby scrubby scrubby scrubby scrub!
(Video Whickey does karaoke.)
Video Whickey: (Singing off-key.) Never gonna make you fly, never gonna have you fried! Never gonna cook you up, and EAT YOU!
(Video Ivanmaste goes up to a fire hydrant and pees on it, only to realize he peed his pants.)
Video Ivanmaste: Oopsie.
(Finally, Video Maps sings in another karaoke.)
Video Maps: (Even more off-key.) Sparkles and streamers and stars in the night, non-magic people just give me a fright! I stir up my cauldron and add in some frog, throw in some newt and feed it to my dog!
(The Spammers scream and try to block out the cringe, but Mystic has their eyes pried open.)
Mystic: How do you like that?!
Limefong: Now, apologize for the cringe, before we put these on the internet!
The Spammers: OKAY, OKAY!
Whickey: We’re sorry.
Luis: BUT PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! I’M STILL BEGGING YOU TOO! BOO HOO!
(The Candle Friends free them from their torture.)
Candle Man: Thank you. Now we’d best be going.
(They leave. Back at the Candle House, they inspect the bisected box, and find only one tape still intact.)
Mystic: Oh geez, how did that one survive?
Candle Man: Dunno, but it’s cringe for Shaduck, who has avoided it all day.
(Everyone evilly smirks at Shaduck, who gulps.)
Shaduck: Uh oh.
(They put it in, but it is none other than another chickroll.)
Mystic: (Demonic.) ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!
Shaduck: Haha!
Candle Man: To be fair, this is the least cringy thing that’s happened to us all day. I suggest we can enjoy it.
Limefong: I guess.
Mystic: Sounds good to me. 
Candle Man: NOW LET’S BOOGIE!
(They all begin dancing along to the chickroll. Episode ends.)