Teen Titans Go! See Space Jam/Transcript

[A seal is rounding its dodge ball while the Titans are hanging out at the pool. Starfire is putting on her sunglasses, Raven is reading a book and Beast Boy is drinking a juice. Suddenly, Beast Boy sees a big shadow and spits his juice.]
Beast Boy: Whoa! what is that, yo?
Raven: [the Titans stand up quickly] It looks like some alien spaceship.
Starfire: [says happily] Oh, how wonderful. Perhaps these aliens are the peaceful kind that enjoy playing that [singing] Do do do doo do [stops singing] song.
Robin: If Hollyhood movies have taught me anything, [puts on a grenade holder] it's that the space aliens only come here for one reason, [puts on his soldier helmet and parachute] to replace us! [readies his flamethrower gun] Well, [shouts] no alien is replacing me. [screaming] [runs while shouting going in the ship but the ladder stomps him] [grunts] [the Titans see the aliens coming out and they are scared it turns out that those aliens are tiny aliens]
Greetings, Earthlings.
We are the Nerdlucks.
Oh, my goodness.
I know these guys.
They're the aliens from Space Jam.
What's a Space Jam?
It's only the greatest sports movie of all time.
Sorry. Never heard of it.
-Me neither.
-Nor the I.
How have you never heard of it?
It stars Bugs Bunny and Michael Jordan.
Michael Jordan?
Oh, yeah.
That's the dude who sells all them shoes.
Oh, I wish to watch the movie about the salesman who plays the basketball.
Well, we happen to own a copy on VHS.
But our VCR is busted.
No problem.
We've got a VCR in the tower.
We can watch it there.
-Yeah, let's check this out.
-Oh, yeah!
-Excellent!
-Let's do this.
Wait, are you guys crazy?
Inviting these aliens into our home is a horrible idea, Titans.
How do we know we can even trust them?
Just sit down and watch the movie, dude.
Oh, yeah.
Space Jam!
No.
This is Teen Titans Go! See Space Jam.
Now let's fast forward to get to the good stuff.
[Cyborg fast fowards to the first scene.]
Beast Boy: Hold up. MJ's retiring?
Raven: Nice going, Cyborg, You skip to the end of the movie.
Cyborg: Nah, this is the beginning.
Starfire: But he said he was the done playing the basketball.
Cyborg: Yeah, he says that a lot.
Beast Boy: No way! There's an amusement park in space?
Raven: And look. It's named after Robin.
Robin: Ha. Very funny. But mark my words, Titans, you're making a huge mistake.
Beast Boy: Yo, that's Danny DeVito. My dude played The Penguin. Man, where's Batman?
Starfire: What is he the doing?
Cyborg: He's smoking.
Beast Boy: The smoking is so bad for you, yo. Ugh.
Beast Boy: I hopes y'all don't mind, but I loves counting butt shots in movies. That's one.
Cyborg: Cyborg's fun fact: the number 45 was Michael's high school jersey number.
Raven: Wow, everyone's so supportive of Michael striking out.
Starfire: I believe they are hoping to get the free sneakers from the nice salesman.
Beast Boy: I knew I recognized that dude. That's that fool from Jurassic Park, yo.
Starfire: Friends, look. It is the Santy Claus. Ho ho ho!
Raven: Why is Looney Tunes in the center of the earth?
Cyborg: Because its the looniest place the writers could think off.
Raven: Whatever.
Beast Boy: There's my man, Bugs.
Cyborg: Here's a fun fact. Bugs Bunny got his name when legendary animator Ben Bugs Hardaway drew a sketch of a rabbit which got labeled by his fellow coworkers as Bugs Bunny. And Elmer Fudd was originally named Egghead.
Robin: Ah ha! Even more proof that these Nerdlucks are evil!
Cyborg: Bugs kinda had that coming.
Beast Boy: So that's MJs house?
Starfire: He must make the modest of the salaries.
Beast Boy: Gimmie that remote! I wanna see more Bugs.
[Remote fast forward]
Robin: See? I told you they want to abduct us!
Robin: Okay, If these Nerdlucks are so friendly, then why is Bugs chained up?
Cyborg: He's just doing a little street magic.
Robin: But they just called all of the Looney tunes their prisoners.
Beast Boy: It's all part of the act, yo.
Robin: I don't know. Something feels fishy.
Starfire: That would be your breath, Robin.
Beast Boy: Whoa, guns! How bouts we make this a bit more kid friendly. That's better.
Beast Boy: That's another one!
Cyborg: Cyborg fun fact. This scene is a reference to the 1970 movie, Patton, which won best picture. But do you know which 2018 movie should have won best picture?
Beast Boy: Hey, they just described you Robin.
Robin: Very funny.
Cyborg: And the game is on!
Beast Boy: No good!
Cyborg: Over here! And nothing. Still can't get it in the basket. Man!
Beast Boy: Looks like the crowd is having none of it.
Cyborg: From downtown boom!
Cyborg: Fun Fact: Patricia Heaton starred on the sitcom, The Middle, which was filmed next door to the offices of Teen Titans Go.
Cyborg: Pop quiz time. Dan Castellaneta is the voice of which famous T.V dummy? If you guess Robin you'd be wrong! Robin isn't famous at all.
Raven: Why isn't the crowd shock that he just got an alien up his nose?
Cyborg: You can't shock these people, They're New Yorkers!
Starfire: He catches the ball like friend Robin! With the baby hands.
Beast Boy: Holds up! So you guys have the ability to steal our talents and turn into monster versions of us?
Bupkus: That's right.
Starfire: Then what are you the waiting for?
Cyborg: Yeah, we want to see what you guys look like as us.
Robin: No, no, no. This is a terrible--
Raven: Nah, don't listen to him. Go for it!
Pound: Okay, if you say so.
Blanko: Whoa! Booyah, dude!
Bupkus: Azarath Metrion Zinthos!
Bang: That's what's up!
Nawt: This is the amazing...
Pound: Ha-ha! Huh? Hey! What gives? Why do they have cool new talents and I don't have any?
Beast Boy: That's 'cause you got stuck with Robin and he ain't gots no talent.
Robin: I do too have talent. Check this out. And slide, eeeyyy, ooh-ooh, hooma-chaaa!
Blanko: Dude, you gotta stop.
Cyborg: Let's just get back to the movie.
Robin: See, Titans? They're monsters!
Beast Boy: No, they're monstars. That's like a whole letter difference.
Beast Boy: Hey, It's Bill Murray!
Raven: I love Bill Murray,
Beast Boy: That dude's my hero, yo!
Starfire: Hero? But he does not have the superpower.
Cyborg: Oh yes, he does! Bill Murray's superpower is being Bill Murray.
Cyborg: Classic Jordan versus Bird!
Beast Boy: That dudes a bird?
Starfire: Now I see it. Draw the feathers and there's the very large beak. But I'm not sure how he lay the eggs.
Cyborg: Larry bird doesn't lay eggs. He lay ups.
Cyborg: Cyborg's fun fact. Bill Murray's hat was invented in 1880 by Robert Q, Patton, who used to predict weather for The Seattle Times.
Raven: Golf is so boring.
Cyborg: Well, of course it's boring. The movies got NBA players, space aliens and the Looney Tunes. If they made the scene any more exciting, the audience's head would have explode.
Raven: Hey. Since when are golf balls magnetic?
Cyborg: Fun fact. The temperature at the center of the earth is 9,800 degrees.
Raven: Why is Sylvester in the sewer?
Cyborg: He's getting ready to ambush Tweety.
Raven: Okay, but why is Taz in the mailbox?
Cyborg: Because Tasmanian devils are the number one cause of mail tampering. Come on, Raven. This isn't rocket science.
Beast Boy: What's he whining about? I know comedians who would love that kind of job security.
Starfire: Entertainment is indeed the toughest of the businesses.
Beast Boy: Stop the movie! If I laugh any harder, I's gonna pee myself. Oops.
Raven: That Bugs Bunny is pretty loony.
Bang: You want to see loony? We'll show you loony.
Pound: You guys want to watch more of the movie?
All: Yeah!
Beast Boy: Come on, Larry Bird. To the Batcave!
Beast Boy: Remember kids, when your parents tell you to clean your room, just give it the old spit shine.
Beast Boy: Ha Ha! Another butt.
Raven: That's gonna give me nightmares.
Cyborg: Fun Fact: Schlesinger gym was named after Leon Schlesinger, who was the original producer of the Looney Tunes.
Starfire: Indeed. She is not one of these or these, or any of these.
Raven: She's... leaving?
Cyborg: Yeah. Because one single basket automatically gets you on the team.
Raven: Well, no wonder they need Michael so bad.
Raven: Would somebody get this guy a mask? Ugh.
Raven: So why can't Michael get his own basketball shorts?
Beast Boy: Beats me.
Starfire: I too am the very lost.
Cyborg: I've seen this movie a hundred times and I still don't know why he can't go back home.
Pound: Well, we were in the movie and we don't even know the reason.
Bupkus: Well, we can go online, get more information on the film.
Robin: Titans. Can I have word with you? Listen up. I think these aliens have something sinister planned with this website. Why else would it still be around after all these years?
Cyborg: Because it's super awesome. That's why.
Robin: But look! Jam Central. They're probably using this site to jam our computer, so we can't call for help when they try to replace us!
Starfire: Stop being the paranoid, Robin.
Cyborg: Now let's figure out why MJ can't go back home.
Raven: Hmm. Here we go. It says here that Michael had to join the Looney Tunes because they wouldn't let him go.
Cyborg: Oh, now I get it! In order to prevent themselves from becoming prisoners, the Looney Tunes had to make Michael their prisoner.
Beast Boy: Oh, yeah! That makes total sense, yo!
Starfire: And look! It says here that the Michael Jordan's lawyer originally came up with the idea for the Space Jam.
Raven: Well, if anyone knows comedy, it's lawyers.
Robin: Okay, Titans. You got your answer. Now can we please get off this website before something bad happens?
Beast Boy: Not yet, bro. I want to play some of them classic games.
Robin: I knew it! This website is trying to hack our computer!
Cyborg: Relax, dude. The computer is probably just having an issue with the outdated software.
Robin: We can't take that risk! We need to shut it down now!
Starfire: Is he the dead?
Raven: Mm, no. He's still breathing.
Beast Boy: Great! Let's get back to the movie.
Raven: Michael must really love underwear to keep it in his trophy room.
Raven: Nothing to see here, kids. We're just breaking and entering.
Raven: Isn't it weird that these kids have, like, no reaction to an animated rabbit and duck in their house?
Cyborg: No Raven. There's nothing weird about seeing a bunch of cartoon characters stealing your dad's stuff and then telling you not to say anything about it!
Beast Boy: That's two more butts!
Raven: Let me get this straight. First Michael quits the NBA to play Minor League baseball. Now he's quitting baseball to play cartoon basketball for free?
Cyborg: Yup! His career is really going places in this film!
Beast Boy: So the big game takes place in Looney Tunes land?
Cyborg: Yeah. So?
Raven: So, why'd they call this movie Space Jam?, when the Jam doesn't take place in space?
Cyborg: Because "Looney Tunes Land in the middle of the planet Jam" doesn't have a nice ring to it, Raven.
Beast Boy: Butt shot!
Raven: Come on. More introductions?
Cyborg: Relax girl! They're getting folks hyped up for the game!
Raven: Who do they think they are? The Detroit Pistons?
Beast Boy: This game is out of control, yo!
Starfire: Call the commissioner Jordon! Call him!
Raven: Wait. The Monstars are up now by six and we're in the second period? How'd that happen?
Cyborg: Because this is the ultimate game. It transcends space and time.
Raven: And apparently logic, too.
Starfire: She is not the consumer product!
Beast Boy: It's probably all that nasty cigar smoke.
Raven: Check out all those classic Looney Tunes characters. There's lady head turtle body!
Starfire: And the chicken feet man.
Beast Boy: Whoa, this whole crowd is freaky, yo. Looks like the animators just copied and pasted these fools over and over.
Cyborg: I never noticed that before. This weirdo is over here, here, here and here. And these cats, and this guy, and her? This is crazy, man. Okay. Okay. Sorry. Back to the movie.
Beast Boy: Again with the guns? Don't worry mom and dad. I'll take care of it.
Beast Boy: Oh man, look at that one!
Cyborg: Cyborg's fun fact. Pepe Le Pew was originally named Stinky.
Raven: Hey. He shares the same nickname as Robin.
Beast Boy: Yo, check out that butt.
Robin: I'm gonna step outside for a minute to get some fresh air. Cyborg, you should join me.
Cyborg: No, thanks. I'm good. Ow!
Robin: It wasn't a question.
Cyborg: Okay, okay.
Robin: Here's the plan. I'm going to search their ship while you be on the lookout.
Cyborg: Fine.
Robin: What are you doing? You're supposed to be on the lookout.
Cyborg: Yeah, and I'm looking out to see what's inside this cool spaceship.
Robin: Fine. Then help me search for clues that will expose what these aliens are planning.
Cyborg: They're not planning anything, dude. All that's in here is stuff from the movie.
Robin: Aha! Perhaps their secret lies in this bottle of secret stuff!
Cyborg: I wouldn't do that. That water has been in there for like twenrty five years.
Robin: There's a secret in here. You'll see! Must get to secret.
Robin: Okay. But I wonder what's behind this door.
Cyborg: Wait. It says "Do not open."
Robin: Because they're obviously hiding something. You were right! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Cyborg: [to the camera] I was right.
Cyborg: Will you give it up, dude? They're not hiding anything.
Robin: Then what about this examination chair? I'm sure they're planning to use this to perform weird experiments on us, like replacing our bodies.
Cyborg: No, man. That's just Daffy's chair. See? Ain't I a stinker?
Raven: Oh, good. They're back. Now we can watch more of the movie.
Raven: Gross. He just blew secondhand smoke in Michael Jordan's face!
Starfire: He is the worst of all the villains.
Raven: How does he expect Michael to sign autographs and play basket ball at the same time.
Cyborg: Really? You're still asking questions girl? Don't you know by now that none of this makes sense? It's looney! Looney!
Beast Boy: There's butts number nine and ten, yo!
Cyborg: I'll tell you, brother, this match is getting ugly.
Beast Boy: Oh yeah! There's a chop to the head.
Cyborg: A body slam!
Beast Boy: Another chop! A kick!
Cyborg: It's not looking good for the Tune Squad, brother!
Beast Boy: This butt fills half the screen, yo!
Raven: I need a break from all of this intense sports action.
Beast Boy: You ain't kidding, mama. All this suspense over who's gonna win has got my tummy tied in knots.
Pound: I know how it ends and I'm still feeling anxious.
Cyborg: I know what will calm those nerves. Snack time, baby! Help yourself to whatever you want.
Blanko: Now, this is mine! Mmm, peanut butter.
Pound: Here we go. Can you reach those chips for me, please?
Robin: Get it yourself.
Pound: But you're so tall and your hands are so big.
Robin: Really? You mean it?
Bupkus You're also a strong leader. And we can appreciate someone who forces others to act against their will.
Pound: You would make a great Nerdluck.
Robin: Wow! You really mean that?
Nerdlucks: Yeah, totally. Oooh, you'd be great.
Robin: Did you hear that, Titans?
Raven: Whatever.
Robin: You know what? Maybe you aliens aren't so bad after all.
Cyborg: Told you there was nothing to worry about. Now let's get back to the movie!
Raven: Look, they made a Flat Stanley.
Raven: Now the rules reply?
Beast Boy: Number twelve with the assist!
Cyborg: That proves once again that Michael Jordan is the solution to all of life's problems.
Cyborg: And the best of part of the movie has left the building, laddies and gentlemen. Thank you, Bill Murray. You're a national treasure.
Cyborg: He's the real choke artist! Making everyone choke on that nasty smoke like that. That ain't right.
Raven: Wow! What a great movie!
Robin: You were right, Titans. They didn't come here to replace us.
Bupkus: Yes, we did.
Robin: What?
Pound: Why do you think we were so eager to watch the movie with you?
Cyborg: We thought you guys just wanted to hang.
Bupkus: No. What we wanted was your powers.
Pound: And we can't believe you just gave 'em to us.
Bupkus: We heard you Titans were dummies. But we didn't realize you were that dumb.
Blanko: Yeah. Stupid.
Raven: Okay. You've had your fun. Now give us back our powers.
Bupkus: You got it!
Pound: We're the Titans now!
♪ Go! ♪
♪ M-E-A-N, T-I-T-A-N-S ♪
♪ Mean Titans, let's go! ♪
♪ Mean Titans, go! ♪
Raven: Where are we?
Beast boy: Is it just me or does this place look familiar?
Robin: See! I knew those aliens couldn't be trusted!
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Category:Looney Tunes Transcripts