Rabbit Gets a Bath

Downstairs, the pot in the fireplace was boiling rapidly. Wendy immediately got up, changed back into her light blue nightgown and black bedroom ballet slippers and ran downstairs to it. She removed the lid from the pot, stirred it up, and tasted it.
Meanwhile the seven Hundred Acre Wood toys were peeking from the top of the banister where Roo had stuck his head into a hole in it. They sniffed the air, breathed in deeply, sighed, and shouted, "Ahhhhh! Soup! Hurray!" Tigger, Rabbit, Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, and Piglet who were not stupid enough to stick their heads through the banister, ran to the table, each one stepping on Roo's back. They were arguing over the food, each one wanting to be the first.
"Wait for me! I'm coming too!" Roo tried to follow them, but his head was in the banister. "Ugh! I can't--I mean--" After several bumps, his head finally popped through, and he flew backwards into the wall. "Here I come!" Aching from the pain, he ran down the stairs, only to end up tumbling. He got up and quickly ran to the table and into his chair, but his chair fell backwards, and he went rolling out of it. He stood up in his chair and sat down to join the argument. Soon, all seven forest animals were fighting over bread rolls and knocking Roo out of his chair again. "Hey!" They were just about to bite into them when Wendy stopped them.
"Ah, ah, ah! Just a minute!" Wendy called to them. The Hundred Acre Wood toys stopped fighting and turned their heads to listen.
"Supper's not quite ready yet," said Wendy. "You'll just have time to wash."
"Wash?" Tigger, Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, Piglet, and Roo questioned in wonder.
"Ha! I knew there was a catch to it!" Rabbit grumbled, throwing down his spoon and crossing his arms in defiance.
"Why wash?" asked Lumpy.
"What for?" asked Pooh.
"We're not going anywhere, are we?" asked Roo.
"It's not the New Year." said Tigger, as Pooh, Lumpy, Piglet, and Roo shook their heads.
"Oh, perhaps you have washed." Wendy smiled.
Tigger pondered for a moment. "Perhaps we..." Then he remembered what Wendy meant. "Yes, perhaps we have!"
"But when?" asked Wendy, crossly putting her hands on her hips.
Tigger kept waffling about when he and the other Hundred Acre Wood toys had already washed. "When? When? You said... Ah, last week, month, ye..., why, recently!" he finally said.
"Yes, recently!" said Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, Piglet, and Roo.
"Oh, really?" said Wendy. "Let me see your hands."
Tigger, Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, Piglet, and Roo promptly placed their paws, trunk, and hooves behind their backs and backed up a bit. But Rabbit crossed his arms defiantly.
"Let me see your hands!" demanded Wendy.
Finally, Tigger held out his filthy paws.
"Why, Tigger! I'm surprised!" exclaimed a shocked Wendy. Tigger giggled bashfully and his paws once again.
Wendy looked at Lumpy. "Come on. Let's see it." Lumpy held out his trunk as well. "Oh, Lumpy, my, my, my..." The heffalump blushed and hid his trunk again.
Then she looked at Piglet. "And you?" Piglet held out his hooves, and Wendy tsked at the sight.
Pooh rubbed his paws on his legs and held them out for Wendy to inspect. "Worse than I thought." Wendy said sadly.
Roo held out his filthy paws. "Oops!" he said, as Alice laughed, making him drop to the floor.
Finally, Eeyore held out his hooves. Wendy gaped at the sight of his filthy hooves. "Oh! How shocking!" Eeyore quickly hid his hooves.
"Goodness me! This won't do at all!" said Wendy.
Rabbit looked at his hand and angrily shoved it back down.
"March straight outside and wash or you're not gonna get a bite to eat!" Wendy ordered the Hundred Acre Wood toys.
Sadly, the Hundred Acre Wood toys, other than Rabbit, looked at Tigger, who nodded and led them outside the open door, whose doorknob was remarkably fixed!
Naturally, Roo was not looking where he was going and hopped straight into the wall on the wrong side of the door, which is actually the closet for storing pots and pans. He hopped out and around the door to the outside. "Sorry about that!" he called.
"Humph!" said Rabbit, as he glared at the wall again.
"Well, aren't you going to wash?" Wendy asked the rabbit.
Rabbit ignored her.
"What's the matter?" asked Wendy, "Cat got your tongue?"
Rabbit only turned to face Wendy and stuck his tongue out at her. Then he stomped outside, only to bump into a wall. making her laugh.
"Awwww, did you hurt yourself?" Wendy asked empathically.
"Humph!" Rabbit pouted. And with that, he marched straight outside, slamming the door behind him. He sat on a barrel, grabbed a slice of buckwheat cake, and stuck it in his mouth. "Humph! Girls!"
"Courage, boys, courage," Tigger told his friends. "Don't be nervous."
Rabbit watched his friends approach an empty horse trough. They peered at the water nervously. Pooh stuck a paw in the water and swirled it around. "Gosh!" he said, "It's wet!"
Piglet stuck his hoof in it, too. He quickly pulled it out, shivering. "Brrrrr!" he complained, "it's cold too!"
"We're not gonna do it, are we?" Lumpy asked nervously.
"Well," said Tigger. "It would please the princess."
"I'll take a chance on her!" Pooh spoke up.
"Me too!" Eeyore, Lumpy, Piglet, and Roo said in unison.
"Humph," Rabbit said from on top of the barrel. "Her wiles are beginning to work! But I'm warning you, you give them an inch, they'll walk all over you!"
"Don't listen to that old warthog!" Tigger said indignantly. Then he turned to face Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, Piglet, and Roo. "Come one now, boys!"
"How hard can you scrub?" Piglet asked.
"Will my fuzz shrink?" Eeyore asked.
"Do you get in the tub?" Pooh asked.
"Do you have to wash where it doesn't show?" Lumpy asked.
"Now, don't get excited," Tigger told them. "Here we go!" Then he began to sing.
Tigger: Step up to the tubOh! T'ain't no disgraceJust pull up your sleevesAnd pin them in placeThen, scoop up the waterAnd rub it on your faceAnd go,"Brrr!Brrr!Brrr!"
Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, Piglet, and Roo picked up five separate bars of soap and began working up a lather on their paws, hooves, trunk, and faces.
Tigger: Pick up the soapNow, don't try to bluffWork up a latherAnd when you got enoughGet your hands full of waterAnd you snortAnd you snuffAnd go,"Brrr!Brrr!Brrr!"
In the meantime, the fly that bothered Eeyore returned by buzzing around Jose's head. Then it landed on the soap and started scrubbing.
Tigger: You douse and souseYou rub and scrubYou sputter and splashAll over the tubYou may be cold and wetWhen you're doneBut you gotta admitIt's good and clean funSo splash all you likeT'ain't any trickAs soon as you're throughYou'll feel mighty slick
Rabbit: Bunch of old nanny goatsYou make me sickGoing,"Brrr!Brrr!Brrr!"
Rabbit then spat at them.
Tigger then took a scrubbing floor brush and scrubbed Pooh's, Eeyore's, Lumpy's, and Piglet's heads. He tried to scrub Roo's head, but he ducked several times, avoiding the brush. Tigger got mad and knocked Roo into the trough with it.
"Brrr! Brrr! Brrr!" he shouted underwater, kicking his legs frantically, as Tigger instead brushed his rear end with the brush.
Meanwhile, Rabbit was still making fun of his friends. "Ha! Next thing you know, she'll be tying your skin and fur up in pink ribbons and smelling you up with that stuff called perfume!" Then he spat out the chewed part of the buckwheat cake.
Meanwhile, the Hundred Acre Wood toys went back to washing. Pooh shook like a dog to dry his fur and soaked Tigger.
Roo hit himself in the head to get the water out of his ears. Then, he shook his head, only to cause the water to slosh around. Finally, he stuck his paw in his mouth and blew hard, making the water comes shooting out of his ears.
Piglet couldn't see, so, he grabs the first thing he touched to dry his face off with. It happened to be Eeyore's tail. Lumpy couldn't see either and grabbed part of Eeyore's mane to dry off his face. This caused Eeyore to be lifted lift up off the ground. When Lumpy and Piglet were done, they dropped the donkey painfully on the ground.
"A fine bunch of waterlilies you turned out to be!" Donald said, still sitting on top of the barrel. Tigger glared at him. "I'd like to see anybody make me wash, if I didn't wanna!"
"Hey!" snapped Tigger. But then he calmed down a bit, cleared his throat, and motioned his friends to come. They were all gathered in a football-esque huddle. Tigger whispered and pointed to Rabbit, who didn't seem to notice. Pooh looked up and slightly laughed. Roo looked up, smiling at Rabbit, but Piglet reached up, grabbed his head, and dragged him back into the huddle.
Whistling, Tigger, Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, Roo, and Piglet made their way to the barrel to surround Rabbit, who noticed that it was late.
"Get him!" Tigger cried.
Rabbit tried to run away, but the others quickly grabbed onto his arms and legs. Now he was kicking and screaming while the Hundred Acre Wood toys carried him to the trough. "Hey! Let go of me!" shouted the rabbit.
"Get him over to the tub!" cried Tigger, "Get him over to the tub!"
"Let me loose, you fools! Let me loose!" shouted Rabbit.
"Get him up on the tub!" Tigger continued crying, "Get him up! Hang onto him! Get him up on the tub! The tub, the tub! Don't get excited! Don't get--"
They managed to get him in, and, in the process, Roo fell off of Piglet and rolled over with Tigger. He landed with his arms around a dazed Tigger's neck and looked up at him lovingly.
Tigger pushed the joey off of him. "Get the soap!" he commanded, as Roo nodded at Tigger while going to get the soap. But he tripped, got up, and quickly ran past the soap. He stopped, went back, and got it, but it slipped out of his paws ten times.
"Oh! Steady, boys!" Tigger said to those who were holding the tortured rabbit in the water.
The soap landed on Roo's head and bounced off. He snuck up on it and pounced on it. That only caused it to slip out of his paws, bounce off of Eeyore's rear end, and go down Roo's throat, nearly choking him, but it went straight down. "Did we have to use real soap?" he asked, feeling sick. Luckily, Roo pretended not to notice the fact that he just swallowed an entire bar of soap and looked around for the missing soap. He couldn't find it of course. He hiccupped, and bubbles came out of his mouth. He kept looking around until he kept hiccupping bubbles again. He pat his stomach and felt the bar of soap. He kept hiccupping bubbles, feeling sicker and sicker.
During all of this, Tigger, Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, and Piglet were scrubbing Rabbit's face and laughing. Piglet washed his fur while Eeyore and Lumpy held him down. Pooh scrubbed his forehead while Tigger scrubbed his teeth. Tigger began singing again, and the other Hundred Acre Wood toys joined in.
Tigger: Now scrub good and hardIt can't be deniedBut he'll look mighty cuteAs soon as he's dried
Tigger, Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, and Piglet: Well, it's good for the soulAnd it's good for the hideTo go--
Rabbit: "Brrr!Brrr!Brrr!"
Roo was still hiccupping bubbles. He tried holding them in until he hiccupped so hard, sending his skyrocketing in the air. He hiccupped one last time, causing the last bubble to come out of his mouth and pop. "Whew!" sighed the joey, "I feel much better already."
By this time, Tigger, Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, and Piglet were tying blue ribbons in Rabbit's fur. "Ain't he sweet?" Tigger smiled.
Piglet sniffed the rabbit. "Smells like a petunia." he said.
Pooh placed a wreath of flowers on Rabbit's head. "He sure is cute." he said.
"You'll pay dearly for this!" Rabbit snarled.
"Supper!" Wendy called to the Hundred Acre Wood toys, banging the spoon against the cauldron.
"Supper!" Tigger exclaimed happily.
"Food! Hurray!" Pooh, Eeyore, Lumpy, Piglet, and Roo cheered, as they ran back inside, dropping Rabbit into the trough.
"Brrr! Brrr! Brrr!" Rabbit screamed underwater. When he popped his head up out of the water, he sat up and pouted. "Humph!"
Category:Fan Fiction
Category:Snow White
Category:Snow White Fanmake
Category:Snow White Parodies
Category:Snow White spoofs