Die Alysis/Transcript

This is the transcript for Die Alysis, which aired on November 12, 2020.
==Transcript==
1 [CHUCKLES.]
: Hey.
What's up? Drew Dunbar.
Uh, I was in a pretty dark place last time we I talked, and I turned to you, and it was helpful.
You're a good listener.
And I'm a therapist, so I know a thing or two about listening.
Not comparing.
Anyway, uh, good news.
I found a kidney donor.
Although I suppose you think you did that.
Answering my prayers.
[CHUCKLES.]
Uh, uh-uh.
Well, um the point is I just don't think this is appropriate.
I'm just not a believer.
Because, you know, uh, science, evolution, rational thought, et cetera.
A-And I'm not the type of guy that just ghosts people.
Or omniscient deities.
Don't smite me.
[CHUCKLES.]
We cool? Respect.
[RINGTONE PLAYING.]
Hey, Dr.
Mahadian.
What? Dialysis? I thought you said I could avoid this with a donor.
Yeah, uh, okay, sure.
I'll be there.
Dude, you are not gonna believe this.
- The more you give - The more you give - The more you live - The more you live - Your happiness is relative - Happiness But if you're feeling like crap It's time to face the fact It's your prerogative Your prerogative To be positive Uh [EXHALES.]
Hi there.
Dr.
Mahadian called? Dunbar, Drew.
We had an appointment scheduled for 7:00.
I'm so sorry.
I went to the men's room to, you know, pee, and, uh kidneys.
And now 7:13.
Follow me.
Sorry, I'm just still trying to wrap my head around all this.
It's happening so fast.
You'll get used to it.
Sessions are three hours, three days a week.
The dialysis machine works just like your kidneys It filters your blood, puts it back into your body.
I usually make a joke here to lighten the mood, but you were late, and I can't reward that.
Okay, all set.
Keep that arm completely straight, and I'll be back to check on you.
Okay.
No, that didn't hurt at all.
Yeah, Gideon's good.
Gideon's not good.
Gideon's the best.
Hey.
Eli Russell.
Drew Dunbar.
Eli Russell? Drew Dunbar? - Eli Russell.
- Eli Russell.
He used to play for the Seahawks, which I'm told is a football team.
Did I? Hey.
Did I win a Super Bowl with the Seahawks? Oh.
I guess I did.
[CHUCKLES.]
Hi.
Jerry Platt.
Just a dentist.
There's no reason you should know me.
Hello.
You, uh, carry a lot of tension in your jaw.
Oh, I assure you it's everywhere.
They can't have that meeting without me it's my account.
Mitch? Mitch is in the meeting? Hey, tap on this.
Okay.
You know what? You listen to me, you keep your eye on that snake, and I will be there as soon as my mother's done with her chemo.
Okay.
- Hey, Samantha.
- Hey, Sam.
Hey.
Hey.
Sorry about your mom.
- What? - The chemo.
Oh.
No.
My mother's fine.
She's dating a guy younger than me.
I just can't let work know I'm sick.
That'll get you fired faster than being pregnant.
Who is this, anyway? - Oh, he's the new Cheryl.
- Cheryl? Yeah, she used to sit in that chair before she got her transplant.
Hmm.
Lucky bitch.
Cheryl, I hope they told you the wait for a kidney on the registry is ten years.
Well, uh, first, it's Drew.
And, uh, I already have a, uh, uh, a, uh, I already I already uh you know what? I-It doesn't matter.
[CHUCKLES.]
You already have a donor? Yeah, I-I guess so.
I want to punch you so hard right now.
All right, people, Stern Medical Building, for all of your X-rays, MRIs, CAT scans and miscellaneous radiological needs.
[RINGTONE PLAYING.]
Oh, hey, Drew.
What's up? Oh, yeah.
Okay.
I'm at work right now, but I'm off at 3:00.
Yeah, okay.
I'll see you then.
All right, bye.
[ENGINE IDLING.]
Hmm.
That your kidney fella? Uh, yeah.
He wants to meet for coffee.
[CHUCKLES.]
I bet he does.
- What's that look? - Has it ever occurred to you that he might not even need a kidney? Maybe it's just a way for him to get into your pants? Points for originality, I'll give him that.
No.
No, no, no.
Nobody's trying to get in my pants.
NORMA: All right, darling.
You know best.
Bet you a dollar this is one of those "kidneys with benefits" situations.
So, how are things going at the retirement home? Uh, not bad.
Uh, Mr.
Kaplan passed away, but Mrs.
Scavo's tumor is benign, - so we'll call that a draw.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Um, d-do you mind if we switch seats? I just, I want to keep an eye on my motorcycle.
Oh.
Uh, sure.
Okay.
Uh, not to be a worrywart, but, uh, you you really think riding around on a motorcycle's a good idea? Oh.
Don't worry.
I wear a helmet.
Ah, good, good.
Not your brain I'm worried about.
Donor? Vanilla latte for Donor? Oh, that's me.
- Donor? - Yeah.
Tell people you're giving away a kidney, you get a lot of free stuff.
Well, I'm glad you're getting something out of this, too.
- Yeah.
Win-win.
- [CHUCKLES.]
So, what's going on? Uh, okay.
Well, here's the deal.
Seems as if my condition has taken a turn.
- Everything okay? - Yeah.
Y-Yeah.
Yeah.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Taken a turn.
Go on.
Uh, well, I, uh, actually had to start dialysis this morning.
Oh.
Well, you won't be there for long.
Your kidney is a-comin'.
Other side.
It's a-comin'.
Uh, is-is there anything else that you want to talk about? W-Well, um, yes.
Uh, Gina, we haven't seen each other since high school.
We barely know each other.
I just want to make sure that you're really committed to doing this.
Drew, I gave you my word.
And where I come from, that's the only thing a person has to give.
Except for, you know, money or sex.
Okay.
Well, so you you think you can stay clean until the surgery? Totally.
I have been so good so far three days.
I mean, not in a row, but still.
- Drew, you need to relax.
- Mm-hmm.
Fate has brought us together, and there is nothing that is gonna get in the way of I got to pee.
I'll be right back.
[RINGTONE PLAYING.]
Hey.
- You got a minute? - Sure.
What's up? Well, I've got something this Saturday, and I was hoping we could switch Maddie's days.
What do you got? Just a thing.
A date? Is it a date? We're not married anymore.
You can tell me.
Are you gonna switch with me or not? Sure.
Yeah, I can switch with you when you're out there getting your groove back.
- Drew, please don't - You know what? I actually have to go.
I'm, uh, out with a lovely young lady on a coffee date.
Good for you.
Oh, it's killing you and you know it.
[SIGHS.]
Gina? Everything okay in there? Gina? I'm coming in.
Oh, come on.
[SIGHS.]
What was I thinking? She's such a flake.
Flake.
Flaky corn flake.
Battle Creek, Michigan - [DOOR OPENS.]
- flaky - Drive! Drive! - What the? Drive, drive, drive, drive, drive! - What's happening?! - Just drive! - Okay, okay, okay! - Drive, drive, drive! Okay! So, why'd you run away? It's not important.
You didn't happen to bring my latte, did you? Gina! Stop yelling at me! Sorry.
Gina.
[PANTING.]
: Thank you.
I saw a gentleman I owe some money to.
What kind of gentleman? The bad kind.
What kind of money? The kind they break your thumbs for.
[GROANS.]
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Well, can I ask why? I really wish you wouldn't.
- Oh, no.
- What? Oh, okay.
There's a black Sedan been following me for a couple of blocks now.
Is this the guy? This is the guy.
I knew it.
Oh, geez, he's pulling up on the left.
Okay.
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
Hey, back off, man! You do not want to mess with me! That's not him.
I am so sorry, sir.
My mistake.
You have a wonderful afternoon.
So, how come I can't be on my phone at dinner, but you can? Just checking up on a friend, but you're right.
I'm sorry.
Phone is down.
Let's talk.
You want to talk? Yeah.
What's going on in your world? Some girls in my class started taking the pill.
Okay, let's not talk.
Uh hey, will you promise me something? What? Travel.
See the world.
Travel? You have a panic attack whenever I spend the weekend at Grandma and Grandpa's.
Well, when you're older.
And remember to always celebrate the little victories.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
And-and-and and be sure to do something with your life that you love.
You know, something that you're really passionate about.
Why are you telling me this now? Because you never know.
I may not remember to tell you later.
You're so weird.
Hey, hug? [SIGHS.]
Love you.
Yeah.
Great.
And remember, the key to a healthy relationship is to be a good listener.
You hear me? Gideon, can I skip out early? - I've got a meeting at 10:00.
- Is it with God? You keep skipping dialysis, that's the only meeting you're going to.
6:57.
Better.
- Hey.
- JERRY: Hey.
Hey.
I don't know you too well.
Are you upset, or is that just your face? Both.
It's my donor.
Oh.
What happened, Cheryl? Please stop calling me that.
If it makes you feel better, whoever gets that chair next, I'm gonna call "Drew.
" I've got to find someone else.
I cannot count on this woman.
Why not? She's just so out there.
She's still drinking, and there is some shady stuff going on.
And? Isn't that enough? Hell no.
Not even close.
I would take a kidney from Hannibal Lecter if he was offering.
You know, assuming it wasn't chewed on.
Ayatollah Khomeini, hand it over.
Mother Teresa, give it.
[LAUGHS.]
How is she a terrible person? Did not see the pattern.
Guys, guys, don't you get it? I can't risk investing all this time, only to have her let me down.
You want to talk about being let down? My brother offered to be my donor.
The doctor tells him he just needs to lose 40 pounds before the surgery.
That's a year ago.
He's up eight.
JERRY: How about this? My cousin offers to donate, and then bails because his girlfriend doesn't want him to have a scar.
SAMANTHA: Or your best friend backs out because she may have a child one day who might need a kidney.
This woman is 46.
Where is the miracle baby coming from? ELI: You have somebody willing to donate.
Okay, she's a mess.
So what? You hang on to her until they're wheeling both of your asses into that operating room.
'Cause you know what your other option is? Death.
Wasn't sure it was obvious.
I guess it was.
Hey, there.
Hope you can help me.
Ugh.
Got to go.
It won't bite.
Just put it back in the cage.
[SCOFFS.]
Yeah? I'm, uh I'm looking for someone who works here Gina Dabrowski.
What is this regarding? It's a personal matter.
Uh-huh.
Why don't you go have a seat? I'll go check and see if she's here.
Gina? Gina? Ugh.
You like intimidating women, punk, huh? Make you feel tough? - Excuse me? - Huh? You want to rough somebody up, try me.
What are you talking about? Gina's my kidney donor.
Oh.
I'm terribly sorry.
Uh, excuse me.
Gina? False alarm.
It's the kidney guy.
And I get now that it's nothing romantic.
Look at your life, Gina.
You're hiding, peeking around corners, jumping out of windows.
You can't live like this.
I know I certainly can't.
Yeah, well, I don't really have much of a choice right now.
Yes, you do.
Look, you're doing this incredible thing for me, so I want to do something good for you.
What do you think about moving in with me? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Take it.
I mean, no one will ever find you in Connecticut.
Take it.
Plus, I can keep an eye on you, make sure you're healthy.
I can look after you until the surgery.
[SINGSONGY.]
: Take it.
Norma, please.
I'm sorry, Drew.
I can't.
[GROANS.]
: Oh.
You can't? This guy wants his money back.
He's dangerous.
I know.
I'll try to work out some sort of payment plan, or maybe I'll get lucky and he'll get sent back to prison.
Gina, think about this.
It's the answer to your problems.
Thank you, but no.
I need to be independent.
You know, not have someone hovering over me.
[GROANS.]
Will you stop that? Okay.
Well, I guess that's all I have to say.
Hey, I can still be your donor.
Yeah, sure, sure.
That is, if you don't get whacked.
Look, will you at least tell me why you borrowed money from a loan shark? I needed it to help a friend who was in money trouble.
So you put yourself in money trouble? Well, clearly, I didn't think it through.
Good luck, Gina.
What is the matter with you? That is a question that gets asked a lot.
Well, I'm late for water aerobics.
I'm not gonna let some goon keep me out of my own home.
- It's my life and - Shh.
- MAN: There's nothing in here.
- [WHISPERING.]
: Door's open.
- MAN 2: Check the bathroom.
- [GLASS BREAKING.]
[WHIMPERS SOFTLY.]
ELI: You gonna be okay? I think so.
I put my name back on the donor registry.
We'll see.
Okay, you are fully charged.
Go forth and be fruitful.
Have a nice day, Jerry.
This is the nice part of my day.
Oh, well, you have a nice day.
Eli, tell him.
Samantha doesn't have nice days.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What are you doing here? Um I, uh [CLEARS THROAT.]
I got to thinking, maybe Connecticut isn't so bad.
Really? If the offer's still open, I will make this sacrifice and move in with you.
Yeah.
Yeah, of course it's still open.
[LAUGHING.]
: Wow.
What made you change your mind? Well I walked into my apartment and I realized my life is here with you.
Wow.
Yeah.
[LAUGHS.]
Thank you, Gina.
Are these your dialysis buddies? Uh, yeah.
Uh, hey, guys, this is Gina, my donor.
- Hey, Gina.
- GINA: Hey.
I wish I had more kidneys.
Well, she doesn't.
Just the one, and it's mine, so, off you go.
They look nice, but they are a pack of jackals.
Hey, where you been? Just taking a walk, - checking out my new hood.
- Hmm.
Probably a little quieter than what you're used to? Mm-hmm.
Little bit.
[SIGHS.]
The suburbs.
Suburban.
Sub urban.
"Sub" means "below," right? - It's one of the meanings, yes.
- Hmm.
Below urban.
When Nicole Kidman is having missionary sex with her husband, she is sub Urban.
Are you high? I wish.
I met Alicia and Doug.
They seemed so nice.
Who are Alicia and Doug? Your next-door neighbors for the last seven years.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Cute couple.
They said they never met you, and they are not cute.
[GINA MUNCHES.]
So, what's the plan? - Plan? - Yeah, what you want to do tonight? I was just gonna read.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I'm being a bad host.
What do you want to do? What would make you happy? - Really? - Â­Really.
You pick.
[GASPS SOFTLY.]
I have a bunch of friends in the city who are homeless, or living in their cars.
So let's go get them and bring them here to live with us.
Where are you going now? I'm going to hang out with Alicia and Doug.
You want to come with me? With those uggos? No, thanks.
Come on.
It would not hurt you to go out and meet people.
Nah.
'Cause then, for the rest of my life, I'm gonna have to say "hi" to them when I'm going to my car, getting the mail.
But look on the bright side.
You may not live that long.
Let me just get my coat.
Category:Episode Transcripts
Category:Season 1 Transcripts