Aptitude Test/Hayes Brooks

Name: Hayes Brooks
Gender: Male
Parents Faction: Abnegation 
Desired Faction: Dauntless
Least Desired Faction: Candor 
Current Age: 16
Appearance: Hayes inherited his good looks from both his parents, his fair pink skin and his chiselled jawline, his muscular body and thick, light brown hair. He took after his mother for her piercing smokey blue eyes that getting darker when angry and get more magical when happier. He took after his father for his smile, his pearl white teeth and soft pink lips.  
Personality: Hayes puts honour in front of everything else, although he hides it from his parents, he is supposed to be selfless but he finds it hard sometimes. He is always fun to be around, at school, at home, but wants to do more, he has a urge to run and climb, yet his parents would find some reason to not let him, due to their faction. He wishes to be free, to do what he wants, but holds his family at heart, he doesn't want to loose his parents and his brother. 
History: Hayes was born the first of four children to Victoria and Kendal Brooks, they had recently married one year before his birth. From his birth, he was the apple of their eye, showing early signs of being a good Abnegation member, he helped his parents when they went down to feed the factionless. He approached a old man carrying a small package of food and some socks and gloves that Abnegation had been preparing, the man kindly accepted the package from the two year old boy. The following month, he was present at the birth of his younger brother, Kit Brooks, who looked very much like Hayes, it would be the following months that would probably effect him for the rest of his life. 
The Brooks family had recently returned home with Kit, they had all settled in when a terrible tradegy reeked their lives. Reportedly, Hayes had been sent to his bed with a fever where he was sleeping, the family doctor had been called out to see what was wrong with him. The doctor informed the family he had contracted a genetic disease from his father's side, it was a wasting illness that threatened to end his life. He was bedridden for six months, in that time, his father had developed the disease too. Hayes had began to get through, showing signs of recovery when his father was diagonsed. Hayes had now celebrated his fourth birthday, he had forced himself from his bed, with the help of his mother to visit his father who was now on life support in hospital. Hayes was by his fathers side when he passed, he was only twenty-six years old. 
His family moved homes due to the death, finding that the house held to many memories. They moved across the street where he began to become close friends with his next door neighbor, Catherine or his nickname for her, little-one. They have remained friends ever since. Together they began school, being the same age, they were in pretty much every class together, they made friends with Nash Fitzgerald, a boy with shaggy dirty blonde hair. He pretty much led the rest of his life like normal teenage boy of Abnegation, he helped his mother when visiting the factionless, he even used to visit her government office when she became a member. He showed affection towards Catherine, though Abnegation found kissing selfish, they would do it in secret when they began a relationship at fourteen, they are still together today.
Weapons: A dagger he received from his little-one when they turned too Dauntless together, to be with one another.
==Comments==
Most of it looks good to me except this tiny issues/comments:
#Although this is called an "Aptitude Test", Hayes will not go through the test as he is a child still, therefore he still will be Abnegation unless you change your mind and want to change his age to an older age. People who take the Aptitude Test are +16. If you still want him to be 15 its, fine, just keep the comment in mind.
#You did a great job explaining his early childhood, however, you leave a huge gap between the years 4-15 (or if you change his age, from 4-whatever age you change Hayes into)
#As Hayes is still Abnegation, he can't have weapons, as attacking or even defending himself might be considered as selfish.
#So is Hayes still in a relationship with Catherine?
#Now that Hayes is 16 he can tale the test and change to Dauntless, so he can have a weapon. Sorry if I confused you. However it can't be from his father as his father was Abnegation.
#I would strongly advice you to start looking for a model for Hayes as uou will need one for your WB and for his Character Page.
#Do you have a WB yet? You will need it for the test.
I don't know how to do a Word Box
Are you still planning on working in this? If no edits are made by November 1st, this Test will be archived.
I have tried to reply but when I come to put my template in it takes too long and I can't do anything else, I left it for about two hours and it didn't come on
.
Did you remember to just put the 
{{Hayes| } 
Part?
==Test==
Category:ShayMill