Granite's a Big 🤓

This is the thirty-fourth episode of The SBFW Chronicles.
==Transcript==
(The episode begins in an unknown hospital, where Granite is seen eating a burger in the waiting room)
Granite: (looking at camera, realizing he is being recorded) What? I’m not even naked!
Renaud: (akin to Swiper) Aw man! (leaves the hospital)
Granite: Not that bastard again. I swear he appears in every hospital and every McDonald’s playplace I’ve seen.
(Granite notices that CrazySponge is sitting next to him in the waiting room)
Crazy: Oh hi Granite. Eating a burger again huh?
Granite: Yeah… why are you in here anyway?
Crazy: There was a demon in my sock and he electrocuted my ankle.
Granite: Eugh. Well, please don’t show that to me-
(CrazySponge shows it to Granite, and a woman screaming sound effect is heard)
Granite: Oh my god why.
Crazy: Crazy, right? Sponge.
Granite: I guess… I feel sad, CrazySponge.
Crazy: Why’s that?
Granite: I have yet to get anyone to join my Show Stoppers club!
Crazy: Isn’t that your brony thing?
Granite: What? NO! IT IS NOT A BRONY THING! IT IS A PERFECTLY NORMAL CLUB!
Crazy: Nahhhhhh
Granite: Aw come on man! Just this once?
Crazy: Naw, I’m too lazy to join anything right now.
Granite: You need to get up off your ass, man.
Crazy: You’re sitting right now, eating a burger in a hospital.
Granite: I- uh… one thing I should-
Nurse: Aidan Sponge?
Crazy: Gotta go!
(CrazySponge gets up from his seat and walks with the nurse into a room)
Granite: DRATS! FOILED AGAIN! Surely someone will want to join my Show Stoppers club.
Bulgarian Narrator: One hospital trip later…
Granite: (voiceover) Wait, why Bulgaria?
Bulgarian Narrator: Stop asking questions, young boy.
(The scene then cuts to Granite at his house, thinking of what to do next)
Granite: CrazySponge didn’t want to join, Vanessa didn’t want to join, even Aaron didn’t want to join! This is ridiculous! What do I have to do to get people to join my stupid club?!
(Granite scrolls on his phone, obviously on TikTok, and sees a promoted TikTok on Life in Bikini Bottom dildos)
Dan: Buy two, get one free! It’s the deal of your lifetime! And probably anyone else’s. Only 9.99! BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY-
Granite: That’s it! I have to sell out on TikTok! But first of all, I want to buy some of those…
Bulgarian Narrator: One purchase later…
Granite: Hey you don’t need to tell them that I bought them! But yeah, I did…
(Meanwhile in Dan’s house…)
Dan: (wiping his ass with the money Granite gave him) Oh YEAH! I COUNT MONEY! I COUNT MONEY! I COUNT MONEEEEEY!
(Cut back to Granite, where he is making a promotion TikTok)
Granite: Ayo it’s yo boi Good Ol’ Granite here to advertise my one and only SHOW STOPPERS CLUB! Based on an epic episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, it’s the club that YOU don’t want to miss! Good day, bitches! Granite out!
(Granite publishes his TikTok for his ad campaign, and sighs and sits on the couch to wait for people to join his club)
Granite: Now to just wait…
Bulgarian Narrator: Three days later…
(Granite is getting impatient, tapping his foot on the floor)
Granite: This is ridiculous! It’s been THREE FUCKING DAYS, AND NO ONE-
(His doorbell then rings)
Granite: (angrily) Who is it?
???: Hey, um, I’m here for the Stop Showers club or whatever it’s called?
Granite: (gets up, excited) Come right on in.
(The unknown person opens the door and reveals themselves to be Golfpecks)
Granite: GOLFPECKS TWO FIFTY SIX?!
Golfpecks: Yes, I heard this is where the stocks ceremony is being held?
Granite: Did you listen to a thing I said in that ad I made?
Golfpecks: That was an ad? Boy capitalism sure is amazing isn’t it?
Granite: That’s not important. This is the Show Stoppers club, where we talk about things that I like!
Golfpecks: Does one of those things that you like include… MUSIC?!
Granite: I dunno, probably.
(Golfpecks teleports out of Granite’s house, which causes the latter to sigh in disbelief)
Granite: Forget this stupid Show Stoppers thing, nobody’s joining it.
(Just then, he gets a DM from a random TikToker)
TikTok user: Hey babe! 😘 Want to have some HOT SEX at my place? My treat! ♥♥♥♥♥
Granite: Oh HELL NO! I’d rather DIE ALONE!
(Granite throws his phone out the window, hitting a pedestrian, who makes a hoopla sound and falls down, presumably dying. The episode ends)
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