I Wanna Be a Boy

"I Wanna Be a Boy" is the opening theme song to Teacher's Pet and the film spun off from the series.
thumb|right|250px|Movie versionthumb|right|250px|ShowversionThe movie version is performed by Nathan Lane as Spot Helperman/Scott Leadready II, Sean Flemming as Leonard Helperman, Jerry Stiller as Pretty Boy, David Ogden Stiers as Mr. Jolly, Mae Whitman as Leslie Dunkling, Lauren Tom as Younghee Mandlebom, Cree Summer as Chelsey and Kelsey, Rob Paulsen as Ian Wazselewski, and Pamela Adlon as Tyler, Trevor, and Taylor.
For some reason, the prints used on Disney+ for the show's first season have the original version of the theme song (in which the line "turns he's a regular Einstein/and Leonard is treading a fine line" is accompanied by Scott jumping across a giant "E=MC²" that Leonard is writing on) plastered over by the second season's version (where the line is instead accompanied by Scott's head swelling while Leonard's head deflates).
==Lyrics==
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TV Version=
Singer: Born on the wrong end of the leash,
He was a dreamer
Chorus: And a little schemer
Pretty Boy: (Spoken) A dirty mutt living a dog's life
Singer: But when he'd hear the bell for school
Chorus: He started to drool
One day he says,
Spot Helperman: I'll take a chance!
Chorus: Trade his leash for a pair of pants
Singer: In a glance, school becomes his favorite pastime
Spot: I have buried a bone for the last time!
Singer: (Spoken) He says,
Spot: I wanna be a boy!
Mr. Jolly: (Spoken) Ooh, he's bad
Kids: He's so over just being Rover
Spot: I gotta be a boy!
Ian Wazselewski: (Spoken) You're so weird!
Chorus: This teacher's pet's gonna be a boy!
Singer: Turns out he's a regular Einstein,
And Leonard is treadin' a fine line
Leonard Helperman: (Spoken) Why can't I be a normal kid like any other?
Mary-Lou Helperman: (Spoken) Now, doodlebug, listen to mother!
Leonard Helperman: (Spoken) Mom!
Spot: I wanna be a boy!
Crosby Strickler: (Spoken) I hate dogs!
Chorus: Lost his collar, now he's a scholar!
Spot: I gotta be a boy!
Pretty Boy: (Spoken) Oye!
Chorus: This power pup's gonna be a boy!
Spot: (Spoken) I do not wish to be a dog
Chorus: Now this Bowser's ready for trousers!
Spot: I gotta be a boy!
Pretty Boy: (Spoken) You're pathetic!
Chorus: His nose is wet, but you can bet,
He's teacher's pet he's gonna be a boy!
Spot: Yes!
|-|Movie version=
Spot: Come on, let's go!
Pretty Boy: Pants?
Spot: Check.
Mr. Jolly: Shirt?
Spot: Check.
Pretty Boy: Tail?
Spot: Tucked.
Mr. Jolly: Eyebrows?
Spot: Plucked.
Pretty Boy: Ears in cap?
Spot: Ooh, a table scrap!
Both: Chow?
Spot: Demolished!
Both: Apple?
Spot: Polished! World, here I come!
Born on the wrong end of the leash,
I was a dreamer
Houses: And a little schemer!
Spot: A simple mutt living the dog's life
But the bell for school would make me drool!
`Til I came up with this clever ploy
Fire Hydrant: Which is to say, dressing like a boy
Pound Dogs: Now he thinks he can take other pets a peg down
Spot: Hey, I'm a dog who's learned to keep his leg down!
I gotta be a boy!
Cats: He's so over just being Rover
Spot: I gotta be a boy!
Kids: This teacher's pet thinks that he's a boy!
Squirrel: (Spoken) He the bomb!
Kids: He's a regular whiz kid
Leonard: (Spoken) Yeah, but,
Spot: Hey, that's how it is, kid.
Leonard: Now that summer's here, you'll be a dog like any other
Spot: Leonard, Haven't you always wanted a brother?
Leonard: I wanna have a dog!
Spot: Hey, I'm off the leash now
Girls: He's eating quiche now
Spot: I gotta be a boy
Background Singers: A boy, and nothing but a boy
Girls: Nothing but a boy
Leonard: (Spoken) Don't you think you're stretching?
Spot: Quit your kvetchin'!
Boys: He's gotta be a boy
Leonard: Spot, you can fake it, but you'll never be a boy!
Spot: But soft, could what he says is true?
Is this really just a phase I'm going through?
Leonard: (Spoken) I sure hope so!
Spot: Should I go back to serving man?
Eat wholesome dinners from a can?
Who needs French and scoring goals?
Come on, let's bark and dig some holes!
(Spoken: What am I, nuts!? Leonard, wake up and smell the kibble!)
I gotta be a boy!
Leonard: Scott, sit and stay now!
Spot: What did you say now?
Kids: He's gotta be a boy!  
Spot: I've got to be
Leonard: It's not to be
Spot: I long to be
Leonard: You're wrong to be
Spot and Kids: It's great to be
Teachers: Good trait to be
Pretty Boy and Mr. Jolly: We'd hate to be
Spot: Can't wait to be
Emma: My mate to be
Leonard: Too late to be
Spot: It's my fate to be...
Spot and Kids: A boy!
Leonard: A dog!
Spot, Leslie, and Younghee: A boy!
Leonard and Dog: A dog!
Spot: A boy!
Leonard: A dog!
Spot: A boy!
Leonard: Dog!
Spot: Boy!
Leonard: Dog!
Spot: Boy!
Leonard: Dog!
Spot: Boy!
Leonard: Dog!
Both: Boy, Dog, Boy, Dog, Boy, Dog, Boy, Dog, Boy, Dog, Boy, Dog, Boy, Dog, Boy, Dog,
All: Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooy…!!!
Spot: (Spoken) Boy!
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Category:Songs
Category:Opening songs
Category:Theme songs
Category:Teacher's Pet
Category:Teacher's Pet songs