The Wedding Singer/Transcript

[Alright] everybody, come on out on the 
[dance floor].
Look at the happy couple! [No 
exceptions]!
[Up]! Out of your chairs! Yeah!
Oh, I can feel all the happiness in here. 
Alright!
Hey, look at him go!
If I..... I get to know your name
If I could [trace] your [private number], 
[baby]
All I know is that to me you look like 
you're lots of fun.
Open up them [lovin'] arms
I want some, want some.
I set my [sights] on you.
And no one else will [do].
And I [got to] [have my way] now, baby.
All I know is that to me you look like 
you're lots of fun.
Open up them loving arms.
[Watch out]. Here I come.
You [spin] me right round, baby, right 
round like a record, baby.
You spin me round now, baby, right round.
... record, baby, right round round 
round.
You spin me right round, baby, right 
round like a [record], baby.
Right round like a record, baby, right 
round round round.
Hey! Somebody get some pants on that kid!
If I, I got to be your friend,
Grandma Molly, I'm talking to you!
And I would like to move it just a little 
bit closer.
All I know is that to me you look like 
you're lots of fun.
Open up your loving arms.
Watch out. Here I come.
You spin me right round, baby, right 
round like a record, baby.
Right round round round.
You spin me right round, baby, right 
round like a record, baby.
Right round round round.
I want your love. I want your love.
All I know is that to me you look like 
you're lots of fun.
Open up your loving arms.
Watch out. Here I come.
You spin me right round, baby, right 
round like a record, baby.
Right round round round.
You spin me right round, baby, right 
round like a record, baby.
Right round round round.
You spin me round and round and round.
Very nice! Yeah!
Good job, lady.
You were [shaking]. Ooh!
It is gonna be fun today!
Now the [best man]'s gonna come up here 
and say a few words,
so let's [put our hands together for] the 
[groom]'s brother David.
Um, when my brother Harold asked me to be 
the best man at 
his wedding,
I was like "Of course, [man], ['cause] 
you've always [been there for]
me."
Like when I was in [rehab] and uh, like 
the time I couldn't find 
my car...
'cause Harold, you know, he's always been 
the [dependable] [one]
and I've always been the screwed-up one, 
right, [Dad]?
Why can't you be more like your brother?
Uh, Harold would never [beat up] his 
[landlord]!
He's drunk as [shit]. [Oops]! 
But, uh, little [news flash], [Pop].
Harold [ain't] so perfect.
Remember that time in [Puerto Rico] when 
we [picked up] those 
two, Uh 
Well, I guess they were [prostitutes], 
but I don't remember 
payin'
Okay, how ['bout] that?
How 'bout that? Yeah, what?
Yeah, terrific.
I'm a person, too, Pop, [goddamn it]! I'm 
a person, too.
You're a [moron]!
[Hoo]!
Okay! The best man, everybody! -The best 
man! The best man!
Uh, hey. We've all done crazy things in 
our lives, so...
He's a - playing the guitar now.
Isn't that great.
You're doing good.
Yeah? Sounds good?
Yeah.
That's because I'm the best guitar player 
in the world.
Yeah! [Self-taught]!
No lessons, thank you very much, Pop.
Alright.
They'll be [divorced] in a year.
very good
I think, uh, we all know that when you 
[fall in love], the [emptiness]
[kinda] [drifts away].
That's all I'm talkin' about.
I've, uh, done some crazy things in my 
life, too, but then I met 
a very [special] girl.
A girl who I'm actually marrying next 
week.
Thank you, thank you.
So all I'm sayin' is that when you fall 
in love like you guys,
the emptiness drifts away because you 
find something to [live for].
Each other.
And the way I've seen you two lookin' 
into each other's eyes 
all day long,
I can tell that you're gonna live for 
each other for the rest of 
your lives.
So [cheers].
Cheers!
Good wedding singer!
Okay, well, now, [on behalf of] Mr. and 
[Mrs.] Harold Veltri, you 
guys have a nice dinner.
George Stitzer here is gonna [take over] 
on [lead vocals], so [take] 
[it away], George.
Give me time to realize my crime.
Let me love and stay.
Ugh.
[Jesus].
Scary.
I have danced............
Ooh, I like her!
... inside your eyes. How can love be 
real?
Do you really want to hurt me?
Great [save], wedding singer!
Good job!
Hey, Sammy! [How come] you're not out 
with your [limo]?
[What's up]?
That new waitress, that's what's up.
Is she [in trouble]!
She's gonna [get it] and she doesn't even 
know it.
And I'm gonna give it to her.
[Take it easy], man. Who is she?
She's Holly Sullivan's [cousin].
If she's half as [easy] as Holly, I'll 
[close this deal] by the end of
the week.
I don't think that's gonna happen.
Oh, please, it's her first day.
Always takes them [at least] three weeks 
to realize they shouldn't
date anyone [at work].
And [for some reason], you like being the 
guy that helps them
[realize] that, don't you?
Yes, I do.
You wanna be like [Fonzie], don't [ya]?
Yes, I do.
You're [on your way].
Oh, I like old [Coke] better than new 
Coke because it's old and 
so am I.
Don't turn around oh-ho
Yes!
[Prime rib], please.
Four prime rib. Always the prime rib!
Make them eat the fish!
Andre, can I have three prime rib?
[Your wish is my command], [madame].
How come he's so nice to you?
I let him look at my [boobs] at the 
Christmas party last year.
Not my finest half hour, but it's been a 
pleasant [working] 
[environment] ever since.
No.
So, how's your first night going, [cuz]?
It's just that being at this wedding is 
making me realize that Glenn 
is never gonna [set a date].
and I've been wearing this ring for two 
years and I feel like an 
[idiot].
Hey, you know what you must do?
[Relax]! Go to it. Huh?
I just feel stupid for moving here to be 
closer to him.
Okay, think you need a [break].
Go out back and [get some air].
I'll [cover] your tables.
You okay?
Gonna [throw up]?
Yeah.
Come with me, man.
Give me time.
What?
Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Come 
on. You got it.
There! Hey!
Is he a friend of yours?
Me? No. [Actually], I couldn't let him do 
it [in front of] his family.
Well, I'm glad I got to see it.
Okay. You [all through]?
Yeah.
Gonna wait a few years before you drink 
again?
Yeah.
Alright, remember:
[Alcohol] [equals] [puke] equals [smelly] 
[mess] equals nobody likes 
you.
Hey, no, I, I [got it from here].
No, act- actually, [you know what]?
You go this way and you go this way.
It's [for the best]. It's all right. Take 
it easy.
All right.
See you later. [Sleep it off], [pal]. All 
right.
Hey, you know, wedding singer.
Okay, are you drinkin' too?
No, it's [Coca Cola].
You sure? There's no [rum] in that Coca 
Cola?
I'm not a [big drinker].
And if I was, I'd be puking in there more 
than that kid.
Oh, I don't think anybody could puke more 
than that kid.
I think I saw a [boot] come out of him.
You're the wedding singer.
Yeah. [How you doin']? I'm Robbie.
I'm Julia. I'm actually waitressing at 
your wedding next week.
[Cool]. That's a beautiful ring you have 
there. Are you getting
married, too?
Actually, I don't know how [serious] the 
guy is who gave this to 
me.
Right now I feel like I'm [doomed] to 
[wander] the [planet] alone 
forever.
Oh, no. Kinda like [the Incredible Hulk], 
[huh]?
Yeah. Only I'm not helping people.
Well, that's not true because I saw you 
inside and you were
helping people.
You were givin' 'em, uh, fish and coffee 
and forks.
People can't eat without forks.
And they can't drink without a fish.
That's right. I think-
[What does that mean]?
I don't know. You [lost me] back at the 
Hulk.
Hey!
Hey, Rob.
Yeah.
You [better] get back in there. They're 
starting to [turn on] George.
Do you really want to hurt me?
Sit down!
You [suck]! You suck!
He's [gotta] learn a new song.
But, uh, okay, well, it was nice to meet 
you.
It was nice meeting you, too.
And if I do ever get married, maybe 
you'll sing at my wedding.
Oh, man. [It's a deal].
Okay.
Okay, [take care].
There was love...
Yeah.
... all around
Nice.
But I never heard it singing.
Very nice.
No, I never heard it at all.
Pretty.
Till there was you.
Much better. Man, you're gonna [blow] 
everybody [away] at your 
fiftieth [anniversary] party.
If I sing to Frank without making any 
mistakes,
he would know how hard I've worked and 
how much I still love 
him after all these years.
I hope fifty years from now, Linda and I 
are as happy as you 
two guys.
Oh, you will be. It [runs in your 
family].
You're a [born] [romantic] just like your 
father was.
Yeah?
I know he'll be [looking down on] you 
tomorrow.
Oh, I [hope so].
Are you [nervous]?
I'm actually not that nervous, you know?
I'm around weddings all the time. It's 
gonna be fun.
Oh, not about the wedding. A-about the 
[wedding night].
Will this be your first time with 
[intercourse]?
Uh...
Well, no, don't [be ashamed]!
You know, when I got married, I wasn't a 
[virgin].
I already had intercourse with eight men.
You know, that's actually somethin' I 
don't wanna know about.
That was a lot back then. That would be 
like two hundred today.
Yeah, uh, it, it's five o'clock. I'm 
gonna get going.
Oh, but your [payment]!
My payment. Uh, can I get it [to go]?
Oh, you're such a sweet boy letting an 
old woman pay you with
[meatballs].
Oh, yeah, well, they taste so good it's 
like I'm [rippin' you off],
Rosie.
I don't have any clean [Tupperware].
Alright, well, [definitely] next time, 
okay?
Don't be [silly]. Now, [hold out] your 
hands.
You [wanna], uh...
Yes.
Okay. Oh.
Cool. Thanks a lot.
Now, please [take a bite] so that I can 
watch you enjoy.
That's my [favorite] part.
Okay, well, I'll [go with] the right one.
That looks good.
That's a good meatball. That's a good 
meatball.
Now listen to me, Robbie Hart. You're 
going to be a fine 
husband.
Oh, I hope so, Rosie. Thank you.
Okay, well, I'm gonna leave. I'll see you 
at the wedding, alright?
Well, thank you for coming in and taking 
me to lunch.
Look at the picture of that girl. See 
that?
You're a lot prettier than that girl and 
she's getting married.
What does pretty [have to do with] 
getting married?
Everything.
You gotta get married before your hips 
start [spreading] and
you get [facial hair],
which, [by the way], [comes from] your 
father's mother.
Looks like [Magnum P.I.] [for God's 
sake].
Well, I can't make Glenn set a date.
Well, you're gonna hate this idea, but I 
think you should consider 
a [fake pregnancy].
I'm [exiting] the car.
Look, it's just [a means to an end].
Believe me, in five years he'll thank you 
for it.
Perhaps we should call her?
Ah, she's probably got a [make-up] 
problem or her dress or
something.......
I know her. She likes to [look her best]. 
It'll be okay.
[Robs]?
Hey, [sis].
Hi, Robs. I just [got off the phone with] 
Linda's mom.
Linda's not there, but there was a 
[note].
A note? Everything all right?
Yeah, she's okay. It [basically] 
[indicated] that Linda was not
coming today.
So it was a bad note. Did she say why?
I'm so sorry, [honey].
It's okay.
You want me to say somethin'?
No, just [give me a second]. I, I'll [be 
right back].
Don't worry, man. Everything's gonna be 
all right.
It'll be all right. It's okay. It's okay.
Come on, it's a nice day for a white 
wedding.
...[chop] you [up]!
Can we turn this [crap] off, please?
That's right, Robbie. You have to [let it 
out], man.
Let what out?
Your feelings, you know, about what that 
[lousy] [bitch] did to you 
today.
Don't call her that 'cause we're gonna 
[get back together]
and then there's gonna be [weirdness] 
between you and me, so 
just [watch it].
I made this for you, uncle Robbie.
Ah, thanks, [Freddie Krueger]. That's not 
nice. Very creative, 
though.
Go back to the [boiler room]. I just wish 
I knew where she was,
you know.
Man, he's [takin' it] pretty bad.
I mean, he, he's acting like a real 
[robot]. A [zombie] or something.
He's been wantin' to get married since 
the [third grade].
It [makes sense]. That's when Mom and Dad 
died.
He wants to start a family of his own.
Hey, check out the cake. There's only a 
little groom [on top].
Mm.
Hey, you're late.
I'm sorry. I just couldn't do it.
Well, if you need some more time, I guess 
I can wait.
No, I don't need more time, Robbie.
I don't ever wanna marry you.
[Jeez], you know, that information might 
have been a little more
useful to me yesterday.
I've been talkin' to my friends the last 
[coupla] days.
Oh, here it comes.
And I think I [figured out] what's been 
[bothering] me.
I'm not in love with Robbie now. I'm in 
love with Robbie six 
years ago.
Robbie, the [lead singer] of Final 
Warning.
When I used to come and watch you from 
the front row
in your [spandex pants], your silk shirt 
unbuttoned, [lickin'] the 
microphone like [David Lee Roth].
I still got the spandex. I'll [put] 'em 
[on] right now.
[The point is], I woke up this morning 
and I realized I'm about to
marry a wedding singer.
I'm never gonna leave [Ridgefield].
Why do you need to leave Ridgefield? We 
grew up here.
All our friends are here. It's the 
perfect place to raise a family.
Oh, yeah? Livin' in your sister's 
[basement] with five kids
while you['re off] every weekend doing 
wedding [gigs] at a
[whopping] sixty [bucks] [a pop]?
Once again, things that could have been 
brought to my
[attention] yesterday.
The fact is we [grew apart] a long time 
ago.
Mm-mm.
You just wanted to get married so badly 
you didn't care who.
That's not true. I love you. Come here.
I wanna spend the rest of my life with 
you.
Hey, Linda! You're a bitch.
Thanks, Petey. Go back in the house.
He, he, he might have Terrett's Syndrome. 
We're [looking into] it.
I gotta go. I'm sorry.
Glenn!
Don't be so [jumpy].
These are for you.
Thank you. They're beautiful.
I have something else for you.
Two airplane tickets to [Las Vegas]?
Da da da da...
Oh, my God, Glenn! Oh, my God!
I knew you wanted to set a date so I went 
to the [travel agent]
and I set it.
Glenn, I love you so much, but Las Vegas?
I thought you---
But [Jules], it's the [romance] [capital] 
of the world. I just don't
want a big wedding.
You know, hundreds of people we don't 
know that are just there 
for the free drinks and [all-you-can-eat 
buffet].
I mean, they might as well be in Vegas.
Okay, Las Vegas it is. And it'll be 
great.
Jules, are you gonna do [the girl thing]?
You gonna act happy and you gonna be 
[pouting] [on the inside]?
No, I'm happy.
Alright, let's get married here.
I know that's what you want.
Thank you, Glenn. Thank you.
It's more important to you anyway.
Thank you.
And I promise I will give you the most 
beautiful wedding, and 
even you'll [have a good time].
Mm-hm.
Hey, [it's about time] his best friend 
showed up.
So, how's he doing?
I don't know, man. He's been down in the 
basement since it
happened.
Five days now.
I- I think he's having some kind of, uh, 
[mental situation].
You know, an [episode] or, or somethin'.
Alright.
Hey, you better do something 'cause I 
don't wanna be known 
as the [brother-in-law] of the town [nut 
job].
I got enough problems already. Oh, shit! 
I got water [all over] 
myself.
Hello, hey, Robbie. You all right?
Hey, these [sheets] are soft. You use 
[Downey]?
No. [All Tempa-Cheer].
You can wash your clothes at any 
[temperature] and the [colors]
don't [run together].
Really?
Yeah, now [leave me alone].
You have to go back to work.
You know there's gonna be a hundred drunk 
girls at this wedding
tonight.
I've got nothing to [offer] anybody.
Haven't done [jack shit] since high 
school.
Why would any girl every marry me?
Marry you?
I'm just trying to get someone to play 
with your [ding dong].
Holiday. [Celebrate]. Holiday. Celebrate. 
If we took a holiday.
Ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah.
Took some time to celebrate. Come on. 
Let's celebrate.
Just one day out of life. Holiday.
It would be, it would be so nice.
Everybody spread the word. I live in my 
sister's basement.
Come on.
He just [had his heart broken]. Why would 
he even think about
coming back to work?
I don't know.
I'm a [loser]! Celebrate.
Hey, you guys [are off to a great start], 
don't you think?
I mean Cindy [showed up], so right away, 
Scott, you gotta pretty
[psyched], right?
Hey, [buddy], I'm not paying ya to hear 
your thoughts on life.
I'm paying ya to sing.
Well, I have a microphone and you don't, 
so you will listen to 
every [damn] word I have to say.
You know, it's funny. Some of us will 
never ever find [true love].
Like, [take, for instance], me.
And I'm pretty sure that guy right there.
And that lady with the [sideburns].
And basically everybody at table nine.
But the worst thing is that
me, [Fatty], Sideburns Lady, and the 
[mutants] over at table nine 
will never ever find a way to [better the 
situation]
because [apparently] we have [absolutely] 
nothing to offer
[the opposite sex].
You are the worst wedding singer in the 
world, buddy!
Sir, one more [outburst], I will 
[strangle] you with my
[microphone wire].
You understand me?
Now, let's cut the stupid cake 'cause I 
know the fat guy's gonna 
have a [heart attack] if we don't eat 
again soon
and while we do that, here's a little 
[mood music] for you.
Cindy and Scott are [newlyweds]. 
[Whoopidie do]!
He loves her, but she loves this guy 
right here.
And he loves somebody else. You just 
can't win.
And so it goes until the day you die.
This thing they call love is gonna make 
you cry, 'I hate you.'
I've [had the blues], [the reds and the 
pinks].
One thing's [for sure].
Love [stinks]?
Love stinks, yeah, yeah.
Love stinks!
Love stinks, yeah, yeah.
Love stinks?
Love stinks, yeah, yeah.
Love stinks!
Love stinks, yeah, yeah.
Love stinks. Love stinks. Love stinks. 
Love stinks.
Hey!
Hey.
I was wondering what happened to you.
Did everybody leave?
Pretty much, [except for] a few [cops] 
that are still [interviewing]
some [witnesses].
Okay. I'm gonna [get] [the hell] [outta] 
here.
Okay, so it was your first wedding back.
Of course, things are gonna be a little 
[shaky].
A little shaky? I hate weddings.
I hate the bride, I hate the groom, I 
want them to be [miserable]
'cause that's what I am.
No, you're the best.
At what? People eat prime rib and I sing.
I mean, [it's a joke]. I can't do this 
anymore.
Glenn and I set the date, so you have to 
play at our wedding.
[Congratulations]. I- I, I just can't do 
it, alright?
Well, I'm having an [engagement party] in 
two weeks and I really
want you and Sammy to come.
Oh, good, you're here. Robbie's here. 
Let's [move it]!
Now, the kids have been fed.
But if they want [snacks], there's [ice 
pops] in the [freezer] or they 
can have [microwave popcorn].
Good.
Are you going to the engagement party 
tomorrow night?
Yeah, I'll probably go.
Come on, Andy! Move your [ass]!
[Hang on], huh? I'm watching "[Dallas]."
I think [JR] might be dead or something.
JRÀÌ Á×Àº °Í °°3/4Ö
They [shot] him.
Good night.
Love you.
Love ya.
Time to make the [donuts].
I made the donuts.
[Dunkin' Donuts]. Up to fifty-two 
[varieties]. [Fresh] [day and night].
Hey, uncle Robbie's here!
Hey, the [goofball] [brothers].
Is it true that you're [in the middle of] 
a [nervous breakdown]?
No.
Nervous breakdown, nervous breakdown.
Who said that?
Everybody's been saying that.
Everybody? You're eight years old. You 
only know your [parents].
What are you talking about?
Is it true that you're gonna [end up] in 
a [mental institution]?
[Cuckoo's nest], cuckoo's nest.
No.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, kids. [Sh]!
Now, remember what we talked about?
Alright, go over there and watch some 
television.
Could I speak to you for a second, Rob?
Everybody, yeah.
You know, uh, I've been thinking about 
what happened to you 
and believe me, it's all [for the best].
Yeah.
I mean, I know you were in love and 
everything, but that [wears] 
[off].
You see, me and your sister, we used to 
be [wild].
I mean, she was very [adventurous].
And we got into some [crazy shit], but 
now the [thrill] is gone.
I mean, i- i- if we do get a second alone 
together, we usually
[go to sleep].
Yeah.
I mean, if it's a [special occasion], uh, 
she might, uh, she might 
do this [exotic dance] for me.
What?
And sometimes she might, uh, you know, 
[work over] my [nipples]
a little bit.
Alright, enough. [Go out]. I'll [take 
care of] the kids.
Yeah, I don't know what I just said, but 
I said something.
Women [got a thing about] marriage.
[I mean], if you wanna stay with 'em 
[eventually] you're gonna have
to marry 'em.
It's the point that I'm at. [No big 
deal].
Here she is, the girl that finally beat 
me into [submission].
That's right. August fifth is less than 
three months away.
We've got a lot of [planning] to do.
Um, do you think it would be better if 
maybe you [took over] all 
the [arrangements]?
Well, I'd like to do it together.
Yeah, but you like this [stuff]. I mean, 
it's really [not my thing].
I mean, [God forbid], I [screw up] the 
wedding flowers.
You know, [how could I live with myself].
Hey, he's gonna be so [wasted] he's not 
gonna even know 
flowers are at the wedding.
Oh, yeah, [up high].
Hey, Glenn. I hear you're gonna have your 
[bachelor party] Friday
night before the wedding.
Gonna be all right with that?
I mean, you might [miss] "[Miami Vice]."
[Nope]. Summer. [Reruns]. [I'm all set].
Oh, right.
All right. Nice house. I told you this 
guy was [loaded].
Yeah, I know. But [in and out], though, 
man.
I don't wanna be here very long.
Alright, [lemme] just pick up a [chick] 
and we'll get outta here.
What do you think of the jacket?
I don't know, man. I would [lose] that 
glove.
You look [nuts]. There's Julia.
Let's go say hello.
Hi, you guys! I'm so glad you came.
Jason, this is Robbie and Sammy.......
......and this is my [fiance] Glenn.
Hey, Congratulation Glenn.
Thank you.
Robbie Hart? Oh, man, I heard what 
happened to you at your 
wedding.
That was so [cold]. You must've [felt 
like shit].
No, I felt really good. Thanks for 
[bringing it up], man.
You know, my parents died when I was ten. 
Would you like to 
talk about that?
Why would we wanna talk about that?
I don't know.
Hey, ho, somebody needs a drink.
Actually, I'm not a big drinker.
Well, I am. How 'bout an [Alabama 
Slammer]?
[Sounds like a plan].
Meet me at [the bar]. I gotta [piss] 
first.
Hey, yeah. Have a few drinks and, you 
know, drive home.
Hey, uh, Julia, thanks for inviting us.
I'm just glad you guys came.
I mean, we get to [hang out] at work so 
much, but we don't get 
to talk 'cause we're always so busy.
Well, we should [make time] to talk, 
don't you think?
You know what?
First time this guy saw you, he told me 
he was gonna [hit on] you.
Really?
That's not true.
Yeah, it is!
You told me she was in trouble, she was 
gonna get it and she
didn't even know it.
He's [teasing]. I would never say that.
What? You said you were gonna give it to 
her.
Give me what exactly?
Yeah.
You're a [jerk].
What do you mean? You didn't know she was 
engaged.
So now you're not gonna give it to me?
Very funny.
Say hi to [your brother Tito].
So, how are you doing?
I'm doing better. I don't know.
How are you and Glenn doin' with the 
wedding plans?
Uh, Glenn isn't really......
He, he's, he's very busy right now, you 
know, he works on
[Wall Street] and, you know how that is 
nowadays.
Wall Street, [stocks] [and stuff]?
[Yeah], actually he's in [bonds] and he 
[barely] has time to sleep,
[let alone] plan a wedding.
So I'm kind of doing this on my own.
But I went to Marshall's for the [floral 
centerpieces]. You went 
to Marshall's? Man, you should go to 
Tony's.
They're cheaper, you know, and they got a 
[great selection].
All right. Well, thank you for [the tip].
You know, [it's a shame] you won't be 
doing weddings anymore.
We won't get to hang out as much.
[Nah], we'll get to hang out.
There're other things to do at the 
[reception hall] [besides]
weddings, right?
Okay, let's keep the fun [rolling]! Take 
it away, George.
Do you really want to hurt me?
Uh, you seem kinda sad.
Why don't you get out there and dance, 
buddy?
I asked that girl over there. She 
[turned] me [down].
She said she didn't dance with losers.
Oh, man. [That hurts].
But, you know, why would you wanna dance 
with somebody 
who doesn't wanna dance with you, right?
Listen. Don't worry.
You're gonna meet a girl who [treats] ya 
right some day, I promise
you.
Okay, buddy? How you guys doin'?
All right? Uh, fellows.
I want you to meet a, uh, a friend of 
mine [by the name of] Julia
Sullivan.
Hi, Julia! Could you [come over] here for 
a second?
Say hi to Julia, everybody.
Hello.
Now who of you out there would like to 
dance with this [fine] 
[lookin'] woman?
I'd like to do more than dance with her.
[Wow]! Julia...
Sounds to me like you got your [pick] of 
any man in this room to
dance with.
So I want you to [take your time] and 
find [amongst] all these young
[studs] here tonight the [coolest],
most [unloosery] guy in the [bunch].
Okay.
Pick me! Pick me!
Please pick me, please, Julia? Oh, 
please?
[May I have this dance]?
Okay, pal. [Have fun].
I can only give you love that [lasts] 
forever
And a promise to be near each time you 
call.
And the only heart I [own].
For you and you alone.
[That's all], that's all.
[All I have] are these arms to [enfold] 
you.
Just go with it.
And a love time can never [destroy].
Take it, George.
Come here, [Big Red].
If you're wonderin' what I'm askin' [in 
return], dear,
you'll be glad to know that my [demands] 
are [small].
Say it's me that you'll [adore] for now 
and [evermore].
That's all, that's all.
To the new [lord of the ladies]!
You're a [lovely] dancer.
So are you gonna tell Glenn?
About what?
About you and that kid and him 
[squeezin'] your [tush].
Well, he did have very strong hands for a 
thirteen-year-old.
I could see that.
Hey, listen. By the way, thank you for 
[recommending] Tony the
[florist].
Not only were his flowers beautiful, but 
he didn't [overcharge] me.
Good, I'm glad.
And the [new girl in town] could 
certainly use that kind of help on
everything.
Well, you got Holly and your mother, 
right?
Well, my mother lives fifty miles away 
and Holly['s not into] that 
kinda thing.
So it really only leaves one person.
George?
No.
I- I would, but you know, I just, I 
can't.
I understand. I just don't know how to go 
about this.
I'm afraid I'm gonna pay five hundred 
dollars for a [half-eaten]
wedding cake.
I really gotta [concentrate on] getting 
some more gigs.
I mean, there's only four [Jewish 
families] in this town. Oh, all right.
Yay!
I have never done it for that cheap.
Faye, I [know for a fact] you gave Eric 
Lamensoft that price.
I did not.
Faye, look at me. Look me in the eyes. 
I'm right here, Faye.
Don't [look away]. Tell me, did you give 
him that price or not?
Okay. Just that one time.
Okay, so [you got me].
Hey, you know, can I say something?
You know, I deal with a lot of people, 
but you two look truly 
happy.
You're gonna [make it]. I know, believe, 
me.
Oh, how do you know?
Well, you know, you can just look at a 
couple and, uh, you can 
tell right away that they're gonna stay 
together forever.
Like, uh, Donald and Ivana and Woody and 
Mia and Burt and
Lonnie.....
Ah, well, we're not getting married.
That's right. Actually, we're brother and 
sister.
Oh, so [that's it]!
Oh, oh, 'cause I could, I could [sense] a 
[closeness].
You know, the [weird] thing is when we 
were [growing up], we
didn't [get along] 'cause I [used to] do 
this to her a lot.
Uh, we['re gonna] go now. Come here, sis.
Hey, your [ass] is [grass].
I'm [telling Mom] when we get home.
Yes, it's ladies' night and the feeling's 
right.
If it's ladies' night, oh what a, oh, 
[what a night].
Yes, it's ladies' night and the feeling's 
right.
Man, I've never seen it from this 
[perspective] before.
Is this what I look like?
No, no. No, you're much better than him. 
He's [ridiculous].
Romantic lady. Single baby. 
[Sophisticated] [mama].
Come on, you disco lady. Sing with me, 
mama.
Yes, it's ladies' night. Oh, what a 
night.
Thank you.
This is Jimmy Moore saying, "That ain't 
no [sock] in my [crotch]."
Okay, [take four], everybody.
Hey, uh, Jimmy. That was, that was really 
good, man. Thank you.
Hey, no. Thank you.
For what?
For [quitting]. Or should I thank Linda?
My business has [tripled].
Well, you've just [inspired] me to [hire] 
a [DJ], so thank you.
Oh, well, good luck finding a DJ who can 
[move and shake] like 
this.
How did you become a wedding singer?
I think I got into it to make some money 
until my [music career]
[took off].
And you wanna be a [rock star].
Kind of just wanted to be a [songwriter], 
you know?
I think that's the hardest thing to write 
a song,
a song that, you know, when people hear 
it they go,
Ooh! I know what that guy was feeling 
when he wrote that.
Have you written anything [lately]?
Yeah, [I guess].
Will you play it for me?
You don't wanna hear it. It's not good.
No, I'm sure it is.
Uh, it's just that I wrote half of it 
when I [was with] Linda and I 
wrote the other half after we [broke up].
So it's a little [uneven], you know.
I- I [don't mind]. I['d like to] hear it.
Yeah, all right.
[Yay]!
Okay, I just wanna [warn] you that, uh, 
when I wrote this song, 
I was listening to "[the Cure]" a lot, 
so...
Okay.
[Here we go].
You don't know how much I need you.
While you're near me, I don't [feel 
blue].
And when we kiss, I know you need me, 
too.
 
I can't believe I found a love that's so 
[pure] and true.
But it all was [bullshit].
It was a [goddamn] joke.
And when I think of you, Linda, I hope 
you [funckin'] [choke].
I hope you're glad with what you've done 
to me.
I [lay] in bed all day long feeling 
[melancholy].
You left me here all alone.
[Tears] [running] [constantly].
Oh, somebody kill me, please.
Somebody kill me, please.
I liked it.
He's [losing his mind]. And I'm [reaping] 
all the [benefits].
Thank you for the ice cream. It always 
[cheers] me [up] [some].
[It's my pleasure].
I feel weird being in this place, you 
know.
Linda and I used to come here all the 
time.
We used to get chocolate shakes.
May I ask [what happened with] Linda?
She wasn't [the right one], I guess.
Did you have any idea she wasn't the 
right one when you
[were together]?
I [should have].
Uh, I remember we went to [the Grand 
Canyon] one time.
We were flying there and I'd never been 
there before and Linda 
had.
So you would think that she would give me 
a [window seat], but 
she didn't.
And... Not that that's a big deal, you 
know, but just....
There were a lot of [little things] like 
that.
I know that sounds stupid.
[Not at all]. I think it's the little 
things that [count].
How did you know that Glenn was the right 
one?
The right one.
I- I always just [envisioned] the right 
one being someone I could 
see myself [growing old with].
Yeah.
And Glenn will be a really good looking 
older man.
Like [Blake Carrington].
I'm gonna probably look like [Buddy 
Hackett].
Of course, I'm gonna hire him.
Not only is he your best friend, but he's 
the only limo driver in 
town.
Yeah, I- I just like [having fun with] 
him.
Okay. Wow! Look at him [go].
Better move it, man. You're not gonna 
make it.
You hit two [cones]. Those could've been 
people.
Those coulda been [guests] at her 
wedding.
They were cones.
That was fun today. Wasn't that fun? That 
was fun.
I [got the job], right?
Yeah, you did. It's August fifth, a week 
from today.
Hey, someone left a [jacket] in the back.
That's Julia's jacket. Remember? She 
[took] it [off] on Noxon 
Street.
She said it's not jacket weather anymore.
Uh-oh.
What?
You like her.
No, I don't.
Of course you do. She's a cool chick with 
a hot ass.
How's this? You talk about her ass again, 
I'll [break your neck].
Anyway, she told me she likes you.
Really? She said that?
No!
I mean, think about it. It's gonna be 
your first kiss as a married
couple.
It's [perfectly] [acceptable] to open 
your mouth.
I just would not want to do that in a 
church in front of God and 
all of our [relatives].
I mean, it would [gross] them [out] to 
see me like.....
Ugh, no one will ever solve that.
Hi!
You forgot your jacket in the limo.
Thank you for [bringing] it [back]. 
That's so nice of you.
Yeah, it was.
Okay, I'll see you later, alright? Have 
fun today.
Hey, wait! Wait a second. Maybe maybe he 
can help us.
You're the [expert] on this. We were just 
having a [debate] about
wedding kisses.
I say that it's okay for it to be an 
[open mouth kiss].
And I say that it's the type of occasion 
where people [dress up],
so it's not [appropriate].
[I see].
What do you wanna do?
I mean, [thin], [tight mouth] and it['s 
over]?
No. Thin, [partially] opened, [no 
tongues], over.
No tongue? Please.
God, there has gotta be [a little 
tongue].
Well, maybe a little tongue. Not [porno] 
tongue. [Church] tongue.
Church tongue. 
Well, if it's for educational 
purposes.....
Good. Okay. Alright, you ready?
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Wow! That was great.
Julia, you should do that at the wedding.
I gave her the jacket.
Hey, Jules. Hey, Holly. Hey.
Hey, I kissed her, but it didn't mean 
anything.
I just brought her the jacket.
Kissed who?
Oh, me.
Who hasn't? I got you something.
It's called a CD player.
It cost me, like, seven hundred bucks, 
but the sound quality's outstanding.
You wanna play a record?
No, Jules, it doesn't play records. It 
plays CD's. It's a CD player.
 I'll be upstairs hooking it up.
Julie! Oh, my God, Robbie is so amazingly 
cute.
I think I should go out with him.
Well, yeah, I mean, why not?
You're single and he's single. Makes 
sense.
Well, hey, if you don't want me to, I 
won't do it.
Well, why would I not want you to?
Good. Then I'm going out with him.
Who you goin' out with?
Robbie.
Oh, good. That guy needs to get laid.
Excuse me. Just because he's going out 
with me doesn't mean
he's gonna get laid.
Alright, he probably will.
I mean, do you think he'll go out with 
me?
You, Jules is chums with him.
She'll fix it up, won't you, Jules?
Hey, you guys. You know what'd be fun?
Let's all go on a double date.
Okay.
Robbie, you look so cute tonight.
Thank you. I like these, uh, rubber 
bracelets. You look like Madonna.
Yeah, well, that's the idea.
Here you go.
So, Robbie, how's your business going?
I'm actually working on a game plan right 
now.
You should look into the bond market. 
That's where the money is.
Glenn's in junk bonds.
Jules, it's high-yield bonds.
Do I tell people you're in junk 
waitressing?
My grandmother gave me a savings bond 
when I was a kid.
I get, uh, twenty-five dollars in 
nineteen ninety-three, so that'll be 
good.
So we totally look like a couple.
I mean, don't you think we look great 
together?
Yeah.
David Bowie playing! He's the best.
You know, I think he's coming to town in 
September.
I love David Bowie! "When I get 
excited..."
My little China girl, she says....
Oh, baby, just you shut your mouth.
Shut your mouth. Alright, we all know the 
words.
I love David Bowie! He is so sexy.
You think the "time to make the donuts" 
guy is sexy.
That guy is funny.
You know who else I think is sexy? Robbie 
Hart.
Mm. That's good. Thank you very much.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Excuse us, guys, we'll be right back. 
It's okay.
She'll feel better once she yaks.
I hope so.
So, uh, Sunday's the big day, huh?
I don't even know your last name.
It's Guglia.
Guglia. Julia's last name's gonna be 
Guglia.
Julia Guglia. That's funny.
What's that funny?
I don't know.
Are you excited?
Yeah, she's paid her dues. Been with me 
four years.
I owe it to her to get married.
Plus, you know, you probably, uh, you 
wanna get married.
I don't wanna break up.
Plus, she was with me before I made my 
money, so I know I
can trust her.
That is a luscious ass right there, isn't 
it? Mm, my God.
That's grade-A top choice meat.
I'd like to bite through that thing. You 
know, chew on it?
But we can't get chicks like that 
anymore, you know. We're too old.
Speak for yourself. I'm not too old.
I can still get chicks like that.
Not that hot though, right?
I've gotten hotter.
Ten years ago.
Try ten days ago.
Really? As hot as that?
Hotter and younger.
How do you do it, man?
I mean, how do you do it without getting 
caught?
Julia's totally preoccupied with the 
wedding.
I mean, she doesn't know what's going on.
Oh, man. You know what sucks, though?
Once you get married, the party's over, 
right? I mean.......
I work in the city, man. And I work long 
hours.
Yeah, that's something.
Hey, guys. Julia's feeling a little under 
the weather.
Told you she was gonna yak.
Yeah, you called it.
Why don't you get your car and meet us 
out front?
Oh, God, I forgot my purse.
Here, do me a favor.
Put her in the car with Glenn, okay?
Okay. No problem.
I puked.
Okay, don't worry.
I vomited in my hair.
All right.
Does my hair smell bad?
No, that smells good, actually.
Just feel better, alright?
Hi, Glenn.
Don't puke in the car, alright?
It'll stink for a week.
Bye, Robbie.
Bye, Julia.
So, Holly, what do you think of this 
Glenn guy? You think 
he's trustworthy?
Yeah, he better be.
Yeah.
Who cares about Glenn? You know what I 
keep thinking about?
What?
That soft kiss from the other day. It 
looked really nice.
Oh, yeah.
Did it feel good?
I don't know. I don't- don't remember.
Could I refresh your memory?
So, you know, Julia's staying at Glenn's 
tonight.
Oh.
Look, Robbie. I know that you're shy and 
I know you've been
hurt.
So I'm gonna make this really easy on 
you.
If you come upstairs, you're gonna get 
laid.
Wow, nobody's ever said that to me 
before.
Um, I just, I'm telling you my head's 
kind of a mess right now.
Julia's staying at Glenn's tonight, huh?
Yeah.
Does she stay over there a lot?
Yeah.
Really?
Oh, my God!
What?
I can't believe I never noticed it 
before.
What?
You've got a thing for Julia.
Oh, no, I don't. I don't.
I think she's a very nice girl, but she's 
marrying that jerk-off.
Hey, I mean, you know why she's marrying 
him, don't you?
The money thing?
Security, a nice house, uh, I guess 
that's important to some people.
No, it's, it's not important to some 
people, Robbie. It's important to all 
people.
Really? Well, then, I guess I'm in big 
trouble.
Hey, 'morning, Sunshine!
Oh, I have a bad headache. A really bad 
headache.
Can I cook you some breakfast?
How was your bottle of rum last night?
I didn't vomit on you, did I?
A little on my shoe, but luckily, I was 
wearing your shoes.
Good. So, did anything happen with Robbie 
last night?
kiss.
Who kissed who? Did you kiss him or did 
he kiss you?
I kissed him.
And then what?
Nothing. I'll tell you, he sure doesn't 
think much of Glenn, though.
Really? What did he say?
That Glenn's a jerk-off.
Why would he say that?
I mean, who knows? Maybe, maybe he was 
jealous.
But don't worry. I mean, I told him why 
you were marrying him.
Why did you tell him I was marrying him?
Well, because you love him and you know, 
because, because
with Glenn you'll have security.
But that's not why I'm marrying him.
Then why are you?
Hi, Rosie. How are you?
Oh, fine, dear.
Is Robbie here? I came by to give him 
something.
Oh, no, Julia. I'm afraid he's not.
Yeah, but it's Thursday. You guys have 
your singing lessons today.
Not any more. Not if he's gone to the 
city to get a real job.
He doesn't have time to give me lessons.
Why do you think you'd be a good hire for 
this bank?
Well, I'm ready to work hard.
And when I put my mind to something, I go 
all the way.
I'll go all the way for you, sir.
Do you have any experience?
No, sir, I have no experience, but I'm a 
big fan of money.
I like it. I use it. I have a little.
I keep it in a jar on top of my 
refrigerator.
I'd like to put more in that jar. That's 
where you come in.
He wants to make money, you know.
Live in a nice house with wide windows 
and lamps.
You can't expect him to live with his 
sister and the nipple twisting that goes 
on there.
Well, I thank you for your time.
Actually, sir, I really need this job to 
impress a girl.
Will you leave now please?
You don't even have to give me the job.
If you could just give me some business 
cards with my name on 
it, I think that might help.
Okay, well, I'm gonna try and look for 
him, okay?
Tell him I'll give him a raise.
Three meatballs a lesson.
How 'bout this? I'll give you ten singing 
lessons for one business card. Please.
Thank you very much.
The best thing in life are free, but you 
can give them to the 
birds and bees.
I want money. That's what I want.
Hey, Julia. What are you doin' here?
I went by Rosie's to find you.
Oh? I'm not doin' that anymore.
I know. I just thought that teaching was 
such a big part of your life.
Well, it was, but now I'm doing some 
stuff to better my situation.
It sounds kinda selfish.
It's not selfish. There's a lot of money 
out there.
I'm trying to get my hands on some.
Yeah, but you don't wanna be just another 
yuppie idiot.
Why? What's wrong with that?
Don't wanna live in my sister's basement 
anymore.
I wanna get a big house, have some 
security.
Can't do that doin' favors for people all 
the time, gettin' paid in meatballs.
But you're above all that material 
bullshit.
I don't know.
We're livin' in a material world and I am 
a material girl. Or boy.
No, you're not.
What about you? You're into material 
shit.
What do you mean?
What do I mean? You're marrying Glenn 
'cause he's got money.
You, asshole.
Oh, my God, she made me a present. I am 
an asshole.
You're goin' to the mental institution.
Beat it!
Rudy!
The same?
Give me the same, please.
What's up?
Hey, there he is.
You all right?
Mm-hm. You know something? You were 
right. You've always been right.
What have I been so right about?
Women, you just have fun with them.
You get emotionally involved and they end 
up..They..
what do they do to you?
They rip your heart our of your ass.
That's right.
Did, uh, something happen with Julia?
I went on that double date, right?
And the moron she's gonna marry actually 
tells me he cheats on her.
But can I tell her?
No, I mean, who am I to break up her 
marriage?
You need a prostitute.
Anyways, I'm confused.
Well, because you like her.
I think I'm in love with her, but I gotta 
get that outta my head, you know.
From now on, I'm just, I'm gonna be like 
you, man.
I'm just gonna be with a different chick 
every night and then I'll send them 
packin'.
Sounds like you got it all figured out.
I mean, I- I- I'm gonna have to give 'em 
cab money to go home
because I'll feel bad if I don't.
But after that, it's bye-bye, birdie.
Bye-bye.
That's it, man. Starting right now.
Me and you are gonna be free and happy 
the rest of our lives.
I- I'm not happy. I'm miserable.
Wh- what?
See, I grew up idolizing guys like Fonzie 
and Vinnie Barbarino
'cause they got a lot of chicks.
You know what happened to Fonzie and 
Vinnie Barbarino?
Yeah, I read that Fonzie wants to be a 
director and Barbarino,
I think the mechanical bull movie?
I didn't see it yet.
Their shows got canceled 'cause no one 
wants to see
a fifty-year-old guy hittin' on chicks.
What are you saying?
What I'm saying is all I really want is 
someone to hold me and tell
me that everything is gonna be all right.
Everything is gonna be all right.
If you've found someone you can love, you 
can't let her get away.
You're right, man. Thank you, Sammy.
Don't tell anyone what I said.
Mom?
Uh-huh?
Do you really like Glenn?
Oh, sure, honey. What's not to like?
He's rich, he's charming, he's handsome.
And now he's really got it all 'cause 
he's got you.
Honey, what's the matter?
I don't know if I'm in love with him 
anymore.
Why? What happened?
I just don't know if he's the right guy 
for me
And I've been spending a lot of time with 
this other man, Robbie Hart.
The wedding singer?
You're thinking of leaving Glenn for the 
wedding singer?
I don't know what I'm thinking. I'm 
confused.
Oh, don't, sweetheart. You've got what is 
known as the jitters. Cold feet.
Everyone has 'em. I had 'em.
'Course, I should have run screaming down 
the street instead of
marrying your father
But Glenn, he's different. He's a keeper.
You're gonna marry Glenn on Sunday.
You're gonna love him, and everything's 
gonna be wonderful.
Where's your veil? Oh, it's downstairs. 
I'll go get it.
Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Missus Glenn 
Guglia.
Hello, it's nice to meet you. I'm Julia 
Guglia. Julia Guglia.
Right when I wake up in the morning, 
you're the first person that
pops in my head.
I keep thinkin' about you, over and over.
It's nice to meet you. I'm Missus Julia 
Guglia.
Hi, I'm pleased to meet you. I'm Missus 
Robbie Hart.
Robbie and I are so pleased you could 
come to our wedding.
Yeah!
Pretty good, eh? What happened?
She just looked way too happy. I couldn't 
do it.
I'm sorry, man. Hey, Rudy. Get Robbie a 
double.
Actually, Rudy, don't even worry about 
it. I brought my own.
You can't drink that in here, Robbie.
Alright, I'll finish up in the alley. You 
guys comin'?
Hey, it's the wedding singer.
Hey, Glenn, what's up?
Robbie, I heard you couldn't close the 
deal with Holly.
Yeah, what's the matter with that? Ah, 
you like women, right?
Not as much as you do, I guess.
Listen, we're gonna have a little pre-
bachelor party party.
You wanna come in and have a beer?
You're ridiculous, man.
Stop all this cheatin' shit, moron. She's 
a good girl.
Hey, ass wipe. Don't go snitchin' to 
Julia about this.
I know you got some little crush on her, 
but you gotta face the facts.
She'd rather go to bed with a real man, 
not some poor singing orphan.
Alright, shithead.
Haven't been in a fight since I was in 
the fifth grade, but I
beat the shit outta that kid.
So now I'm gonna beat the shit outta you.
Hey, what are you doin', man?
I'm sorry. I used to be much stronger.
Hey, why don't you write a song about 
this?
You can call it, uh, "I got punched in 
the nose for stickin' my
face in other people's business."
Sounds like a country song.
Hi, Robbie.
Kiss my grits.
I can see that you're drunk and that's 
okay.
I'm still gonna tell you this.
I really miss you and I wanna come back.
I don't wanna be alone anymore.
No, you're not alone anymore. I want us 
back.
Can I help you?
Is Robbie here?
I'm afraid he's, uh, indisposed. Shower.
You must be Linda.
Yeah, that's me. Robbie's fiancee. Who 
are you?
I'm Julia Sullivan. Would you tell him 
that I came by to see him?
Oh, yeah, surely will, Jennifer.
I- it's Julia.
Wake up, sleepyhead. This is the first 
day of our new life together.
Wake me up before you go. Don't leave me 
hanging like a solo.
Linda?
Hi.
What are you doin' here?
You passed out, so I took care of you.
What? W- why'd you take care of me?
I told you last night, Robbie.
I- I realized I was wrong and I wanna 
take care of you for good.
I can learn to deal with the fact that 
you're just a wedding
singer, not a rock star.
I could even learn to deal with..You can 
learn to deal with that?
I don't want you to learn to deal with 
that.
That's not how it works. Jeez!
Well, Robbie, maybe we should talk about 
this when you're feeling better?
Hey, psycho. I'm not gonna feel better 
about this. It's over.
So please get outta my Van Halen T-shirt 
before you jinx the
band and they break up.
Oh, okay. So you're still pissed about 
that wedding thing.
Glenn? Glenn, good morning.
Hi. Good morning. Good morning. Hello. 
Hi.
Hey, baby. You, you make breakfast in 
bed?
Um, no, actually, I've been doing some 
thinking and I don't need
a big wedding.
And I- I think that I've been really 
selfish in making you do
something that you don't even wanna do.
You wanna go to Vegas?
Yeah.
All right. Let's go.
There were bells on the hill, but I never 
heard them ringing.
No, I never heard them at all. Till there 
was you.
And there was music and there were 
wonderful roses.
They tell me in sweet great great meadows 
of dawn and dew.
There was love all around.
Flight number eleven sixty-six is now 
ready for boarding.
No, I never heard them at all. Till there 
was you.
I just always envisioned the right one 
being someone I could 
grow old with.
I know. I'll go get the car.
Rosie. Congratulations. I gotta go take 
care of something, okay?
I know you do. Go get her.
Alright. Alright.
Robbie, I have to talk to you.
I can't talk right now.
Are you back with Linda?
No. Why? Who said that?
Julia.
She went to your house to tell you she 
was falling for you, and
Linda answered the door in her underwear.
She was so upset she and Glenn just 
jumped on a plane to 
Vegas.
What do you mean? They're getting' 
married tomorrow.
Well, apparently, that wasn't soon 
enough.
I can hip hop. I hip it to the hip it to 
the hip hip hop.
We're now ready for our general boarding.
That's it, sweetie. Ready to go?
Yeah.
This is a great idea. I'm glad you came 
around.
You wanna do some gambling and have some 
fun right away
or you just wanna get married?
I just wanna get married.
You're never gonna find her.
There's gotta be a million wedding 
chapels in Vegas.
Does anybody have a pen?
What for?
I got a good idea for a song.
Here.
Thank you.
Sorry.
Can I help you?
Yes, I need a ticket for Las Vegas, 
please.
We only have one seat left and it's in 
our first class section.
The next flight leaves in the morning.
Can I borrow your credit card?
You'll pay me back, right?
No, but if you don't give it to me, I'm 
gonna tell everybody what 
you said at the bar.
Thanks.
Hey, that was really nice of you.
Thanks.
Hey, do you like Flock of Seagulls?
I can see you do. Wish me luck!
Go get her!
Hey, Glenn? Do you mind if we switch 
seats and I sat in the window seat?
Mm. I hate the aisle seat.
Every time that drink cart comes by, it 
bangs me in the elbows.
Your arms are smaller than mine, Jules.
I know. I just never saw the bright 
lights of Vegas before.
Tell you what.
How 'bout I let you lean over me when we 
fly over the strip,
okay?
Hot towel?
Thanks.
Oh, my! I'm sorry. I've never been on 
first class before.
My name is Joyce. Just buzz if you need 
anything.
Thank you. Here.
Sir, is that Billy Idol?
I believe it is.
Oh, my God!
Would you like some champagne or some 
orange juice?
How much is it?
It's free.
It's what? Holy shit! This is incredible.
Actually, I shouldn't drink.
I fell in love with this girl and she's 
gonna marry an idiot.
So I'm on my way to Vegas to stop them.
That's the sweetest thing I've ever 
heard.
Where are they getting married?
That's the problem.
I don't know where, but I'm gonna run 
around and find 'em, 
you know.
I gotta do what I gotta do.
Oh, next time they come by, grab me a 
Heineken, will ya?
She comes over to tell me how she feels, 
and Linda answers 
the door wearing nothing but my Van Halen 
T-shirt.
No way!
I don't know what to do.
She's getting married and he's gonna ruin 
her life.
Ah, Glenn doesn't deserve her.
All he cares about are possessions.
Fancy cars. CD players.
Even women are possessions to him.
See? Billy Idol gets it. I don't know why 
she doesn't get it.
Oh, I hope you find her.
You guys'd not believe this.
Some creep in coach, who thinks he's Don 
Johnson, just
asked me to be part of a Mile High Club.
He said I was Grade-A top choice meat.
Is he right in here?
Yeah.
What's the Mile High Club?
Oh, my God! The Mile High guy is Glenn!
They're on this plane.
No way!
You guys gotta help me.
Right.
Yeah!
Good afternoon, everyone.
We're flying at twenty-six thousand feet, 
moving up to thirty
thousand feet.
And we got clear skies all the way to Las 
Vegas.
Right now, we're bringing you some in-
flight entertainment.
One of our first class passengers would 
like to sing you a song
inspired by one of our coach passengers.
And since we let our first class 
passengers do pretty much
whatever they want, here he is.
I wanna make you smile whenever you're 
sad.
Carry you around when your arthritis is 
bad.
Oh, all I wanna do is grow old with you.
I'll get you medicine when your tummy 
aches,
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.
Oh, it could be so nice growing old with 
you.
I'll miss you, kiss you,
Give you my coat when you are cold,
Need you, feed you, even let you hold the 
remote control.
What the hell's that fruit doin' here?
Get outta the way! Get outta the way!
Excuse me, sir. I have to serve the 
beverages.
Oh, how you doin', sir? Chicken or fish?
You better get out of my way, Billy, or 
you're gonna get hurt.
Oh, yeah?
Don't you talk to Billy Idol that way!
So let me clear the dishes in our kitchen 
sink.
Put you to bed when you've had too much 
to drink.
Oh, I could be the man who grows old with 
you.
I wanna grow old with you.
That was the most beautiful song.
I got a confession to make. That song was 
about you.
Good.
I'm in love with you.
I am so in love with you.
Hey, Robbie, that wasn't a bad song, you 
know.
I'm gonna tell those record company guys 
about you.
Mind if I give her a kiss first?
Oh, yeah, you do what you gotta do.
The End
Category:Transcripts
Category:New Line Cinema Transcripts