Christmas Who? 2

Christmas Who? 2 is the third episode of Season Two of A spin-off just for spin-off kings, and may or may not be the direct sequel to Christmas Who?.
==Place==
This episode was fifth in the Christmas theme. (IN)
==Transcript==
[The episode begins by panning over live-action houses]
Narrator: And now, direct from Encino, America's favorite pirate and president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club, Patchy the Pirate.
[The exterior of Patchy's house is shown. Inside, Patchy is wrapping presents.]
Patchy: (to the tune of Jingle Bells) Yo ho ho, yo ho ho, yo ho ho ho ho. (He notices he's on air) Oh, hi! I'm Patchy the Pirate, president of the SpongeBob SquarePants Fan Club!
[Potty flies in]
Potty: (squawk) Merry Christmas, Patchy.
Patchy: That's right, Potty. It is Christmas!
Potty: (under his breath) Ungrateful bi-
Patchy: And there ain't nothing better in the seven seas than a Bikini Bottom Christmas. It sure is a magical time of year. Why, I'll bet old SpongeBob is gearing up for Santa Claus right now!
[He picks up a picture of SpongeBob. Cut to SpongeBob, holding a remote.]
SpongeBob: I sure am! (He presses a button on his remote, and his house blows up.) I'm ready!
Patchy: Oh, uh, must be a broken picture. (He throws it away and SpongeBob screams. A glass shattering sound is heard) A- and I'm sure our pal Patrick is doing his share of the decorating.
[He picks up a picture of Patrick. Cut to Patrick lying on the ground with a dopey smile on his face. An ornament hanging on the antenna of his rock falls on top of him. Patrick explodes. Cut to Patchy mixing cookie dough.]
Patchy: Hmm, unbaked cookie dough! (He takes a lick) Mmm…
Potty: (squawks) I want cookie dough! (Potty flies over, squawking) Cookie!
[Patchy ducks]
Patchy: Potty! No!
[Potty flies back and forth]
Potty: Cookie! (squawk)
Patchy: Get out of here!
Potty: Cookie!
Patchy: Potty!
Potty: (squawk) Give us a lick!
Patchy: Back off, you flying freak! 
[Potty flies on the counter]
Potty: (squawk) Clarify please.
[Patchy holds up the cookie tray. The cookies are shaped like SpongeBob and Patrick]
Patchy: This here cookie dough is for the children, not for pesky parrots.
[Cuts to Hans reaching over and ringing a bell. Patchy looks out the window]
Patchy: What's that? Three bells! Well, we all know what three bells means!
Children: (off-screen) Free ice cream! weed.
[Patchy laughs]
Patchy: No, you silly livers. (sternly) No!
Potty: (squawk) Man overboard?
[Patchy walks over to a desk]
Patchy: You, I'm ignoring. (he sits down) No, it's time to open fan letters!
[Potty flies over with a letter in his beak]
Potty: (squawk) Here you go! 
[Patchy tugs at it]
Patchy: Thank you, Potty. (Potty is not letting go) Yeah. Okay Potty, thank you! (Potty squawks, still not letting go) Come on, give it, you birdbrain! (Potty squawks some more) Quiet, infernal bird! (He uses his hook, now with a pair of scissors on the end, to snip Potty's strings. Potty squawks and falls to the ground. Patchy nods) Hmm. (he sits back down) This letter comes to us from…
Fish Head: (as voiceover) Name and address withheld!
[Patchy tears the envelope open, pieces of it flying all over. He pulls up his eye patch and replaces it with a pair of reading glasses with one eye covered up]
Patchy: And he writes, "Ayo guy it's ya boi-"
Fish Head: (as voiceover) Name and address withheld!
Patchy: "-and I want some more Christmas Who? so you'd better give it to me you (dolphin chirp)"
Potty: Woah. Language.
Patchy: "Sincerely…"
Fish Head: (as voiceover) Name and address withheld!
[Patchy gets up and takes off his glasses. Now his eye patch is back on]
Patchy: A very good question, I think. If you want more Christmas Who?, then more Christmas Who? you will get!
Potty: (squawk) We're already getting a Christmas special next year.
Patchy: I don't care, my fine feathered little neck pain.
[He pulls down Potty's strings. Potty falls to the ground, and a puppeteer falls down from above the set. Patchy hangs a homemade SpongeBob ornament on a Christmas tree. Zooms out, showing the entire tree, which is decorated with many similar SpongeBob, as well as ornaments featuring Patrick and Squidward, and a few gift boxes]
Patchy: (Snaps his fingers) Hey! Who wants to hear the story of SpongeBob's second Christmas?
[Cuts to Potty, who looks very drowsy and with bloodshot eyes. Patchy turns around]
Patchy: Potty?
[Patchy sees an empty bowl of cookie dough, accompanied by a foghorn noise]
Patchy: You ate all me cookie dough! 
[Potty is now incredibly fat. Potty's body and strings fall off, leaving only the bird's head]
Potty: Squ-ouch!
[Patchy shrugs]
Patchy: Oh, well. On with the show.
[Cut to SpongeBob dancing around his house. He sings The Very First Christmas.]
SpongeBob: ♪ This Christmas feels like the very first Christmas to me. ♪
[Pan over to Squidward's house where Squidward is looking at SpongeBob through his window.]
Squidward: That dunderhead is still singing about that stupid holiday?
[SpongeBob appears next to him. Squidward screams.]
SpongeBob: Not just any stupid holiday, Squid! It's the most magicallest holiday of all!
Squidward: I don't care. Now get out of my house before (He picks up a machine gun) I shoot 20 more holes in your stupid little body.
SpongeBob: (sigh) Okay.
[SpongeBob flies out the window back to his original spot.]
Squidward: Weirdo.
[Squidward throws a bomb at SpongeBob's house and it blows up]
Squidward: Heh heh.
SpongeBob: Squidward! What did you do that for? Don't you know Christmas is the time for friends and family and holly and turkey?
Squidward: Don't care.
SpongeBob: Looks like I oughta show you the true meaning of Christmas.
Squidward: No thanks. (He shuts his window)
SpongeBob: But Squid!
[He takes out his remote from earlier and presses a button. Squidward's house blows up and he falls to the ground]
Squidward: SPONGEBOB!! What the barnacles was that for?
SpongeBob: I need to show you the true meaning of Christmas!
Squidward: You didn't have to blow up my house!
SpongeBob: We can sort that out later. Right now I have to tell you the true meaning of Christmas!
Squidward: Ugh.
[Cut to SpongeBob and Squidward at Patrick's rock.]
Squidward: Why are we at this buffoon's house?
SpongeBob: To show some Christmas spirit. Go hide behind that rock. (Points to a rock shaped like Squidward)
[Squidward goes behind the rock. SpongeBob knocks on Patrick's rock. It opens.]
Patrick: Wha-huh?
SpongeBob: Hey Patrick. Have a present.
Patrick: Oh ok.
[SpongeBob hands Patrick a present. Patrick opens it and a pie springs up and hits him in the face.]
Patrick: Wow, pie, I always wanted pie! (He eats it) Thanks, SpongeBob, You're a true friend.
[Patrick's rock shuts. Squidward comes out from behind the rock.]
SpongeBob: Okay, Squidward. Your turn.
Squidward: But I have no presents to give.
SpongeBob: Well, give him something. Just between you and me, Patrick will like anything if it's one of us who gives it to him.
Squidward: Anything?
SpongeBob: Anything.
Squidward: Alright.
[Squidward knocks on Patrick's rock. It opens.]
Patrick: Wha-huh?
Squidward: Hey, uh, Patrick. I have a present for you.
Patrick: Oh ok.
[Squidward hands Patrick a present. Patrick opens it to reveal a bomb. It blows up.]
Patrick: Wow. I like.
[Patrick flops back first back in his rock. It shuts.]
SpongeBob: Well, at least he liked it.
Squidward: Me and him both.
[Cut to The Krusty Krab decorated for Christmas. SpongeBob and Squidward show up.]
Squidward: Why are we here at this grease dumpster?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs is handing out gifts and we should help him.
Squidward: No thanks.
SpongeBob: Come on, Squid.
Squidward: No.
SpongeBob: Please?
Squidward: No.
[Cut to inside the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob and Squidward are wrapping presents.]
Squidward: I didn't consent to this.
SpongeBob: You're wrapping it wrong.
Squidward: Don't care.
SpongeBob: No, really, you should-
Squidward: I don't care.
SpongeBob: But you really should-
Squidward: 'LET ME WRAP IN PEACE!!
SpongeBob: Okay, if you need any backup let me know. (laughs)
[Squidward growls as slams the present onto the ground he heard a ticking sound come from present he notices a bomb in the present while squidward starts screaming as SpongeBob start running away and it blows up. Cut to the hospital. Squidward is lying on the hospital bed.]
SpongeBob: Well, so much for Christmas.
Squidward: It wasn't my fault you made a stupid joke. Now look at me. Stuck in a hospital for the rest of the month.
SpongeBob: Well, at least you have each other.
Squidward: That doesn't make it better.
SpongeBob: unless you had coal for christmas, squidward. but guess what? i have a present for you.
Squidward: (gasp) for me? what is it? 
SpongeBob: okay. 
[SpongeBob gives a gift to Squidward he open it revealing coal]
Squidward: what the? how do i get coal for christmas!?
SpongeBob: because you’ve been a naughty boy this year, squidward. (laughs)
[Squidward sighs when he got coal. Cut back to Patchy who is digging a grave.]
Patchy: Oh, hi kids. Potty died of salmonella. Uh, merry christmas or something. Now scram!
[End]
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