The Anderson Family Movie

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The Anderson Family Movie Plot And Is Also Taking Place 25 Years Into The Future
Admirable nurse CAILLOU MATT ANDERSON is arguing with virtuous detective THE ANDERSON FAMILY MOVIE. MATT tries to hug FAMILY but he shakes him off.MATT
Please Family, don't leave me.
FAMILY
I'm sorry Matt, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
MATT
I am such a person!
FAMILY frowns.FAMILY
I'm sorry, Matt. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
FAMILY leaves.
MATT sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, smart private detective LEO JENNY CONNOR barges in looking flustered.MATT
Goodness, Jenny! Is everything okay?
JENNY
I'm afraid not.
MATT
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
JENNY
It's ... a hooligan ... I saw an evil hooligan terrify a bunch of elderly ladies!
MATT
Defenseless elderly ladies?
JENNY
Yes, defenseless elderly ladies!
MATT
Bloomin' heck, Jenny! We've got to do something.
JENNY
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
MATT
You can start by telling me where this happened.
JENNY
I was...
JENNY fans himself and begins to wheeze.MATT
Focus Jenny, focus! Where did it happen?
JENNY
National History Museum, London! That's right - National History Museum, London!
MATT springs up and begins to run.
EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
MATT rushes along the street, followed by JENNY. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - SHORTLY AFTER
POLLY SNOZCUMBER a spiteful hooligan terrorises two elderly ladies.
MATT, closely followed by JENNY, rushes towards POLLY, but suddenly stops in his tracks.JENNY
What is is? What's the matter?
MATT
That's not just any old hooligan, that's Polly Snozcumber!
JENNY
Who's Polly Snozcumber?
MATT
Who's Polly Snozcumber? Who's Polly Snozcumber? Only the most spiteful hooligan in the universe!
JENNY
Blinkin' knickers, Matt! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful hooligan in the universe!
MATT
You can say that again.
JENNY
Blinkin' knickers, Matt! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most spiteful hooligan in the universe!
MATT
I'm going to need spoons, lots of spoons.
Polly turns and sees Matt and Jenny. She grins an evil grin.POLLY
Matt Anderson, we meet again.
JENNY
You've met?
MATT
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young MATT is sitting in a park listening to some orchestral music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees POLLY. He takes off his headphones.POLLY
Would you like some jelly babies?
MATT's eyes light up, but then he studies POLLY more closely, and looks uneasy.MATT
I don't know, you look kind of spiteful.
POLLY
Me? No. I'm not spiteful. I'm the least spiteful hooligan in the world.
MATT
Wait, you're a hooligan?
MATT runs away, screaming.
INT. NATIONAL HISTORY MUSEUM, LONDON - PRESENT DAYPOLLY
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
JENNY
(To MATT) You ran away?
MATT
(To JENNY) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
MATT turns to POLLY.MATT
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
MATT runs away.
He turns back and shouts.MATT
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with spoons.
POLLY
I'm not scared of you.
MATT
You should be.
INT. HAMSTEAD HEATH, LONDON - LATER THAT DAY
MATT and JENNY walk around searching for something.MATT
I feel sure I left my spoons somewhere around here.
JENNY
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly spoons.
MATT
You know nothing Jenny Connor.
JENNY
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, POLLY appears, holding a pair of spoons.POLLY
Looking for something?
JENNY
Crikey, Matt, she's got your spoons.
MATT
Tell me something I don't already know!
JENNY
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
MATT
I know that already!
JENNY
I'm afraid of sausages.
POLLY
(appalled) Dude!
While POLLY is looking at JENNY with disgust, MATT lunges forward and grabs his deadly spoons. He wields them, triumphantly.MATT
Prepare to die, you spiteful cauliflower!
POLLY
No please! All I did was terrify a bunch of elderly ladies!
FAMILY enters, unseen by any of the others.MATT
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those elderly ladies were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Matt Anderson defender of innocent elderly ladies.
POLLY
Don't hurt me! Please!
MATT
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these spoons on you right away!
POLLY
Because Matt, I am your mother.
MATT looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.MATT
No you're not!
POLLY
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
POLLY tries to grab the spoons but MATT dodges out of the way.MATT
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, POLLY slumps to the ground.JENNY
Did she just faint?
MATT
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly spoons.
MATT crouches over POLLY's body.JENNY
Be careful, Matt. It could be a trick.
MATT
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Polly Snozcumber is dead!
MATT
What?
MATT
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.
JENNY claps his hands.JENNY
So your spoons did save the day, after all.
FAMILY steps forward.FAMILY
Is it true? Did you kill the spiteful hooligan?
MATT
Family how long have you been...?
FAMILY puts his arm around MATT.FAMILY
Long enough.
MATT
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Polly Snozcumber.
FAMILY
Then the elderly ladies are safe?
MATT
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable elderly ladies enter, looking relived.FAMILY
You are their hero.
The elderly ladies bow to MATT.MATT
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Polly Snozcumber will never terrify elderly ladies ever again, is enough for me.
FAMILY
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the elderly ladies passes MATT a wooden necklaceFAMILY
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
MATT
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.MATT
Well, if you insist.
MATT takes the necklace.MATT
Thank you.
The elderly ladies bow their heads once more, and leave.
MATT turns to FAMILY.MATT
Does this mean you want me back?
FAMILY
Oh, Matt, of course I want you back!
MATT smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.MATT
Well you can't have me.
FAMILY
WHAT?
MATT
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a hooligan to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
FAMILY
But...
MATT
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Jenny.
JENNY grins.FAMILY
But...
JENNY
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
FAMILY
Matt?
MATT
I'm sorry Family, but I think you should skidaddle.
FAMILY leaves.
JENNY turns to MATT.JENNY
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
MATT
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.
Suddenly JENNY stops.JENNY
When I said I'm afraid of sausages, you know I was just trying to distract the hooligan don't you?
THE END