I'm on a Boat

The third chapter of Total Drama Tokyo, posted on January 29, 2012.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama Tokyo," says Chris, still at the elimination ceremony. "The campers built robots, or more like I built them for them. And then they battled them and whatnot. We weren't even in Tokyo, though, and we still aren't. We're in Soviet freaking Russia. So, yeah, no challenges until we find a way to get out of here. Sad, isn't it? Oh, yeah, and Bennett was voted out. But he was annoying, so yeah."
"You know, Chris, you're way different than you were in TDI, and even TDWT," says Kai. "You're a little bit OOC lately."
"Yeah, I'm getting older and as a result, grumpier," says Chris. "Dolph and Smoothie Guy last season really put a load on me."
"So, are we gonna get out of here, or what?" asks Thomas.
"Don't rush me, losing team, I've got a plan, kind of. Where are the other teams?" says Chris.
"Maybe they're enjoying themselves in their cool Russian onion dome thingies," says Gail.
"Sounds fun," says Flora happily.
"Yeah, I wonder what they're doing?" says Horatio.
The scene switches to the Fish Tails, who are in their Russian onion dome thingy playing games and stuff.
"Hey, dude, who do you wanna boot first?" asks Anderson to Tolkien. "Estrella is the least hot chick here, so her? I don't know, man."
"Excuse me?" says Estrella, looking up from her book, titled "Valley of Death 3: The Death Files."
"I didn't say anything," says Anderson.
"Dude, this place is so boring, let's go outside," says Tolkien.
"Since when did you like to go outside? All you do is play with your nards," says Anderson.
"What?!" shouts Tolkien.
"Nerd cards. You get it, right? Nerd cards? Nards?" says Anderson.
"I get it," says Tolkien. "Never speak of it again."
Julian and Shawn are listening to Epic Hip-Hop Wars of History.
"So, it's pretty obvious you're attracted to that Estrella girl, man," asks Shawn.
"I mean, yeah, she's hot," says Julian. "But there's no way she's actually into me, especially considering how obnoxious I act around her."
"Are you sure?" says Shawn. "Lemme ask her."
"She'll obviously deny it, dude, she doesn't wanna admit her love for me," says Julian.
Yuri pops out of nowhere. "Just like how you two won't admit your love for EACH OTHER!!" she yells.
"Bug off, Yuri," says Shawn.
Shawn says in the confessional, "How does she pop out of nowhere like that? It's creepy, honestly."
"Hey, where are Ari and Roz?" asks Tolkien.
"Why would you care? Unless you like one of them. Or even both," says Anderson.
"They're both really hot. I've never been around so many pretty girls before in such a short period of time, man," says Tolkien.
Shawn comes over to Tolkien. "Lemme speak to you. Anderson doesn't know crap about girls."
"All right, dude," says Tolkien.
"So, Ari and Roz are two different types of girls. With Ari, she may not be the most attractive girl ever, but her personality is really awesome. She's super nice and stuff. And then Roz, all she has is looks. Her personality sucks, like, would you wanna have a girlfriend who could stab you any time she wanted? Or, there's Option 3: screw the girls, and focus on being more of a Fantasy Geek," says Shawn.
"Well, you haven't rapped yet," says Tolkien.
"There's a lot of time for rapping," says Shawn. "Did you even hear anything I just said?"
"No, not really," says Tolkien. "Something about peanuts? I don't know."
"You're a sad, sad little boy," says Julian.
"True dat," says Shawn.
"Well, I'll be a sad, sad, little girl if you guys don't start da--" says Yuri.
"WE KNOW," says everyone simultaneously.
The scene switches to Ari and Roz, who are in the attic.
"What'chya doooin'?" asks Roz.
"I'm texting my friend. What are you doing?" asks Ari.
"Friend? Is it a guy? Friends with benefits? Heehee," says Roz.
"You know, we really should stop talking about relationships," says Ari. "And no, she's a girl."
"All right. Let's talk about..." says Roz. She takes out a large hat labeled "SUBJECTZ." She puts her hand inside, and takes out a piece of notebook paper that says "Chappy."
"Chappy? Your science teacher, really? Do we have to? You talk about him all the time..." says Ari.
"Chappy is awesome. So, last year, me and my friend Zari joined his whale club. It was really boring, but we joined because he's so awesome. We baked him an apple pie one day. True story," says Roz.
"Cool..." says Ari.
"Don't be a hater," says Roz.
The scene then changes to the Mini Dharmas' room.
"Charles, give me a foot massage," says Layla. "I'm tired."
"Yes, mistress," mutters Charles. He gives Layla a foot massage.
"Oooh, I wanna foot massage too! Teehee!" says Isabel.
"No," says Layla.
"Don't be so mean to me..." says Isabel.
"Oh, I'm not being mean," says Layla.
Isabel says in the confessional, "I'm in the bathroom! Haha, Layla is my best friend, but I don't think she likes me."
Delia is on her bed, sitting with her eyes closed.
"Isabel, I think Delia is lonely. You wanna go talk to her?" asks Layla.
"Uh, miss--" says Charles.
"Go talk to her," says Layla.
"Ha, okay!" says Isabel. She walks over to Delia. "What's up?"
Delia's eyes open, and she stares at Isabel very closely. "Go."
Isabel quickly runs away from her and back to Layla. "That girl is scary."
"Hey, Wolfie!" says Puck. "Wassup?"
Wolfgang shakes his head and sighs.
Casey leans towards Puck and whispers, "Dude, don't talk to him, we know he hates you."
"No, he's just shy!" says Puck. "Come to think of it, has he even said anything besides grunts?"
"I don't think so," says Casey. "So, what's up?"
"Nothin' mu--" says Puck.
"WAIT. I'm not supposed to talk to you. Where is Elle," says Casey. "I need a TV, to watch Nebraska Shore, stat."
"Uh, you're not Chelsey," says Puck.
"Yes, I am. Don't deny it, you turd," says Casey.
Neal says in the confessional, "My team is interesting. Way better than my friends back home. Wait, if you guys heard that, I didn't mean it. Sorry."
"Anyways, back to our normal conversation about my bro-migo Wolfie," says Puck.
Wolfgang shakes his head and buries himself under the covers.
"I bet even PJ has talked more than him," says Puck. "But he's still 'cool'."
"Enough with the ice puns. Charles, make him stop," says Layla.
Charles walks over to Puck, flicks his helmet, then walks away.
"Just chill out, man..." says Puck.
Chris walks in. "Time for the challenge, I realized we're five minutes away from the ocean. So, expect a boat racing challenge."
"Really, Chris? Couldn't we, like, catch sharks or something?" asks Neal. "That would be way more fun."
"Meh, I'll try to fit some shark-catching in," says Chris.
"Sweet," says Puck. "Wait, there are no sharks up here!"
"So? We brought some in, I mean, I'll find a way to spot some," says Chris.
"You're a really bad liar," says Layla.
"Just come with me," says Chris.
The Mini Dharmas walk out of their cabin, followed by the Fish Tails, then the Wily Tanukis.
"So what do you think our challenge is gonna be?" asks Tolkien.
"Something crappy," says Julian. "Why aren't you hanging out with Anderson?"
"Anderson is a douchebag," says Tolkien.
Julian waits for a second, then starts laughing. "You just now realized that?"
Yuri pops out of nowhere. "Wanna know something else you should realize?!"
"NO," yell Shawn and Julian.
Chris is waiting for the campers at the dock, with a pad of paper. "Okay, so before we start, I have to address a few mixups I have with the cast list. Who's Jimmy Meyer?"
"I don't think there's anyone named Jimmy Meyer here..." says Ari.
Puck raises his hand solemnly.
"Wait, I thought you said your name was Cornelius? Okay, I'm not even going to question it," says Chris. "Oh, yeah, and who's Rosalind?"
"C'est moi," says Roz. "Mon nom est tres mauvais."
"Since when did you speak..." says Anderson. "You know, I'm not even going to ask."
"Now, time for the challenge. You will see these little motorboats. Two people will be assigned to them, or whatever, and the challenge is simple, to race to Japan," says Chris.
"What's the catch?" asks Kai.
"Man-eating sharks, mines, maybe a tsunami or two, but nothing big," says Chris.
"This game isn't safe," says Horatio.
"That's the point. Now, get in your boats," says Chris.
Anderson hops into the first boat, and Shawn gets in after him.
Julian slides into the second boat, and Tolkien gets in after him.
Roz sprints into the third boat, and Ari gets in immediately after her.
Estrella sulks to the fourth boat, and Yuri gets in after her.
"It's a privilege to be in this boat with me," says Estrella. "I'm going to try to read, so don't annoy me."
"We'll see about that," says Yuri. "I'll be writing my inappropriate fanfictions."
Delia stalks into the fifth boat. Nobody gets in after her.
Delia says in the confessional, "Maybe it's my appearance... Whatever, they won't last long."
Isabel gets into the sixth boat. Layla gets in after her, and Charles follows her.
Neal and Casey get into the seventh boat, and Wolfgang and Puck go into the eighth.
Horatio and Thomas get into the ninth, Gail and Flora get into the tenth, and Kai and Vivienne get into the eleventh.
"You guys wanna start the challenge?" asks Chris.
"Sure," says everyone.
The motorboats then zoom off into the distance.
"So, did we get maps?" asks Ari.
"No," says Roz. " But I know my way around these parts."
"I'll take your word for it..." says Ari.
Roz swerves to avoid a mine, then the two see a fin in the water.
"Oh, crap," says Ari. "We're so screwed..."
"Don't panic. I've killed a shark with my bare hands before!" says Roz. "This is a piece of cake."
"Would you rather try to fight it, and get us killed, or just drive the boat super fast so we can get away?" asks Ari.
Roz contemplates for a moment. "Good idea."
The two speed away on their boat extremely fast, and escape the shark.
"That was a close one," says Ari. "You're an idiot, Roz."
"But i'm still your BFFFFL, right?" asks Roz.
"What does that stand for?" asks Ari.
"Best F&@kin' Female Friend For Life," says Roz. "How did you not know that?!"
"..." says Ari. The two speed away.
The shark then comes out of the water, and it is revealed to be Dolph with a plastic fin strapped to his back.
"Purrrr-fect," he says. The Nyan Cat then comes out of nowhere, and he hops on it and flies away.
The scene changes to Julian and Tolkien, trapped on a puny little island.
"So, how did we get here, again?" asks Tolkien.
"We crashed, thanks to your great driving skills." says Julian.
"Hey, I don't have my license yet," says Tolkien. "I'm only 15."
"That's not the big problem here. The big problem is that we're stuck on this island, our boat is busted up, and nobody's in sight," says Julian.
"What about Estrella and Yuri over there?" Tolkien points to Estrella and Yuri, who are zooming by.
"Estrella would be great, but I'm not about to be stuck on a two-person boat with Yuri," says Julian.
"True, true. Wanna play some L&L?" asks Tolkien.
"No," says Julian.
"Come on, I'll teach you how to play," says Tolkien.
"Can I sleep?" asks Julian.
"Aw, fine," says Tolkien. Julian falls asleep.
Estrella and Yuri then pull up to the little island. "Wanna ride?" asks Yuri.
"No, don't le--" says Estrella.
"Be nice," says Yuri.
Tolkien hops in. "Thanks, girls. Let's go."
"But what about Julian?" asks Yuri. "We can't just leave him here."
"Yeswecanlet'sgo," says Estrella. She turns on the boat, and sputters away, leaving Julian asleep on the island.
"How is he going to get..." says Tolkien.
"Don't worry about it," says Estrella.
The three then leave in their little boat.
Julian then wakes up. "Tolkien? I'll play your stupid card game... Tolkien? Where did you go? Aw, crap."
A coconut falls onto Julian's head and he passes out.
Estrella, Yuri, and Tolkien then pass a suspicious helmet floating in the water, but ignore it.
The suspicious helmet then reveals to be Puck, floating in the water. Wolfgang, Neal, and Casey come up, as well.
"You have no idea how pissed I am at you guys," says Casey.
"Hey, 'bumper boats' is super fun!" says Puck.
"Not when it ends lethally," says Casey.
"It was actually pretty fun," says Neal. "I enjoyed it."
Wolfgang sticks up his middle finger, and makes a jerking motion with his legs.
Puck cries in pain and holds his crotch. "So, who's a good swimmer?"
"Aren't you? You said you were raised by penguins," says Casey.
"But... Uhh..." says Puck, realizing that lying wasn't the best idea. "The water's not cold enough."
"Yeah, uh-huh," says Neal. "Come on, guys, let's go."
"Don't just leave me hangin', chills! Come on, just cool down!" says Puck.
The three others swim away, leaving Puck.
"Darn it," says Puck. "Some team."
Puck says in the confessional, sopping wet, "I really wanna do good in this game. But how am I supposed to when everyone hates me? Except Wolfie, my best buddy, but he doesn't even talk! Man, this ain't chill."
Wolfgang is shown in the confessional. He holds up a crudely-drawn picture of Puck getting eaten by a bear, and shakes his head.
Chris is then shown at the dock at Japan, with Chef.
"So, when do ya think they're gonna get here?" asks Chef.
"Honestly, I have no clue. Was the challenge too dangerous?" asks Chris.
Chef looks for a moment. "...Naw."
Tolkien, Estrella, and Yuri then come up to the dock, get out of their boat, and head to Chris and Chef.
"Whoop-dee-doo, we won again," says Estrella.
"Actually, you need all your team members," says Chris.
"All right. Anderson and Shawn will be here soon," says Tolkien.
Anderson and Shawn come up to the others. "We're here. S'up?" asks Shawn.
"And we have no idea where Ari and Roz are. Julian's on an island," says Tolkien.
"Ha-ha. That sucker," says Anderson mischievously.
"How are we going to get him out?" asks Shawn.
"Meh, the interns will send a rescue party," says Chris. "INTERN!"
Cammy comes up to Chris, dressed in interns' garb. "What now?"
"Go find Julian on an island," says Chris.
"Can I take the plane?" asks Cammy.
"No, you must swim," says Chris.
"Damn it," says Cammy. She swims away, angrily.
"Was that my friend? I didn't even get to talk to her," says Estrella.
"Ooh, I love Cammy x MacKenzie. It's way better than Cammy and Trick, who should be with Antoine," says Yuri.
"Wait, so you like yuri, too?" asks Tolkien. "Your name fits."
"Yuri sucks, yaoi is 69,000 times better," says Yuri.
Then, the contestants look at the dock. Wolfgang, Neal, and Casey come out, carrying an unconscious Puck.
"Bad things happened," says Casey.
"Yeah? I can see," says Chris.
"Where are bratty, Tweedle-idiot, and creeps?" asks Anderson.
"Oh, they got lost somewhere, I think they'll be here soon," says Casey.
The scene switches to the middle of the ocean. The Tanukis are surrounded by sharks.
"What did you do, Gail?!" asks Kai.
"I'm sorry, I thought it was a nice shark, I was trying to be cool... I gave it a little bit of fish!" says Gail.
"Kai, just work your magic or something," says Horatio, trying to stay cool.
"I left my wand in my pants!" says Kai.
"Oh, so you need your wand to use magic?" asks Horatio. "That sucks."
"I suppose I could do something..." says Vivienne. "Hold on to me, guys."
"Oh, no way," says Kai.
Vivienne clutches everyone close to her, then everyone disappears.
Thomas then pokes his head out of the water after everyone has gone. "Where is..." He notices the sharks. "I'm screwed."
He swims away as fast as possible.
The scene changes to the dock, where everyone is back.
Julian glares at Tolkien. "You have no idea how pissed I am with you."
"Actually, I kind of do, wanna make up?" asks Tolkien.
"I'll think about it," says Julian.
"So, which team lost?" asks Casey, coming to Chris.
"Well, since Thomas and Julian came back at the exact same time, the Dharmas win, and the Fish Tails and Tanukis are both going to elimination!" says Chris.
"What?!" says everyone on the Fish Tails and Tanukis.
"When are we gonna see our hotels?" asks Flora.
"Tomorrow, this chappy is getting long," says Chris.
"Hehehehe. Chappy. Long," says Roz.
"Shut up, Rosalind," says Anderson.
"Make me," says Roz.
"Let's go to elimination..." says Ari, attempting to change the subject.
The Tanukis and Fish Tails are now at elimination.
"All right, I got a lot of sushi for you. First piece goes to Flora."
Flora catches her sushi happily.
"Anderson, Tolkien, and Shawn are safe," says Chris.
Tolkien and Shawn get their sushi. Anderson just grumbles.
"Vivienne, and Kai, too," says Chris.
Kai takes out his magic wand, zaps his sushi, and it turns into a chocolate cake.
"How did you--" asks Tolkien.
"I got the magic in me," winks Kai.
"I thought only the Black Mage could do that!" says Tolkien in awe.
"Anyways, Ari, Roz, and Yuri are safe, too."
The three girls get their sushi. Roz growls, and the other two girls give their sushi to her, and she licks it up.
"Estrella, Julian, Horatio," says Chris.
The three get their sushi, and Horatio makes a clicking noise.
"Thomas and Gail. Fish Tails, you guys are safe, nobody's going home tonight. Tanukis, one of you will be out. Final sushi goes to..."
"Thomas."
"I got sushi. Cool," says Thomas, and he eats the sushi.
"Wait, you guys voted me off just because of that shark? Some team," says Gail.
"We could have died!" says Horatio.
"You were mean to me," says Flora.
Gail starts to cry. A bird flies onto her shoulder, and spits on Flora. She then boards the Insert-Vehicle-Here and leaves.
"What an anti-climactic elimination. She was made to be an early out," says Tolkien.
"I hope we don't become the next Terrible Tikis..." says Vivienne.
"As long as we have you and Kai's magic, we'll be fine. Keep the faith," says Horatio.
The Tanukis leave.
"Who will be the next voted out? Will Julian do something else idiotic?" asks Chris.
"I'm right here, you know," says Julian.
"Findoutnexttimeontotaldramatokyo," says Chris. The episode then ends.