April 13

Location: Still Zadash, specifically Ungebroch Castle
New Characters: Lucy
Notable items/knowledge: Matt learned what a mango is
Notes: "Whose fucked up apple is this?" - Matt, holding a mango
Champ nobility +1 with Au Pair 2E, Bea & Gen attend party, Dircc & Journey ground support. There's a guy with a list checking for invites at the door, because that makes sense and why didn't we anticipate that. Dircc doesn't get in, he boycotts. Champ and 2E go to the powderrooms to steal stuff and freshen up. Champ farts loudly and finds a note in the pocket of a coat: 'G, meet me in the garden after the 3rd dance - LE' with a fuckin 30 investigation. Marina self inserts a toilet person (although they have no memory of that happening but whatever). 2E is a pick me.
Bea and Gen get in the front door. Dircc tries to be Christian Borle and still doesn't get in. Champ is sniffing out narcs. Everyone is using synonyms. Gen finds the garden, and Champ slips them the note. Champ sees a flash of purple under a table - it's a little human girl in a purple dress. They match. Her name is Lucy, and her mom is a mage of the court. They do a blood pact - 'kids only' - to not be evil and keep secrets and be bffs. Lucy's other mom is the Captain of the Guard. Convenient.
Gen and Bea are in the Statue Garden. There's a human in an old timey suit, looking slightly out of place and therefore suspicious, so they obviously follow them. There's a masked woman with Disguise Self on. "I haven't seen them arrive yet." "I know my boy." "I'll shoot a message to J". Okay we are now 100% sure that's Greg, but who is the secret lady? Bea grabs Gen and makes out with her for Greg to notice. He's with Clarence! We love Clarence. 
Greg is at the party to take on a bounty, and Clarence is his date. They tell Bea and Gen to stay inside, since an assassination is planned outside a bit later. Bea kisses Greg, and then Bea and Gen go hide in a tree because they can't follow simple instructions and have no boundaries. 
Back inside, Champ and 2E have convinced Lucy to take them up the tower. Lucy is only supposed to do this if there's a big emergency. They'll need a big distraction. Don't worry, Dircc is ON it.
Dircc makes himself look like King Dwendal. Journey disguises herself to look like Xena, Warrior Princess. They're doing shibari and have a safeword. Consent is key. "Good evening, sword boys." "If it gets weird, are you down?" "Journey's down for whatever." Cool. "The king inside is an imposter." Good distraction.
Champ and 2E follow Lucy up the stairs. 
"Part one: gender is note real." Dircc is reciting his manifesto. 
Back inside: "I'll have my Dircc talk to your mom." Lucy says it's nice to have a friend. Meanwhile 2E has failed several rolls. "I'm smart. I'm smart!" - Dalton. Dalton is breaking. "I need a key to prove to them I'm smart." Oh god, he rolled a 1. He started crying. "Dalton finally role plays a woman."
Journey hears her meltdown and says they need to help. It gets progressively kinkier outside.
Upstairs, the baby starts whimpering, but luckily they (pretty quickly) find Yussa. "Yussa looks like doo doo" - 2E. It's hard to convince the poor man to come with them when they're the reason he's in there. "Come with us and die quicker."
"Bea and Gen are getting high in their tree. It must be nice.
"Oh my god, I'm wearing a Circlet of Smartypants" - 2E. The breakdown continues. Yussa gets a lot of good berries. They're really going for defenestration. But thankfully no, Champ picks up Yussa and they start running. They put a spare mask on him so they don't attract too much attention downstairs. 2E continues to have a bad day.
They make it down to the statue garden, where Greg is currently assassinating someone. Greg notices Champ - there's a struggle, the sound of someone getting stabbed. Hope it's not Greg! 2E somehow got lost in the maze. 
Things out front have gotten out of hand. Dircc says the imposter king (inside) will explode. Dircc and Journey start making out, and Journey flips off the guards. Dircc makes a 10x10 chode dragon appear. The guards all rush inside for at least one reason.
Gen kisses Bea and then they run towards the sound of Dircc, who is currently hoofin' it with Journey towards the maze. Everyone is now in the maze looking for each other, but eventually they meet at the large fountain in the middle. Champ is sent to meet at the garden - Greg is told and immediately panics, saying 'don't come here, I have a body here'. Gen heals Yussa. "Hey Greg, you owe me 800 gold." "I already spent it." Dircc. helps get rid of the body. "You and I are going to have a conversation about fiscal responsibility." "It's not a self-insert" - Dalton. 
Musical break.
Bea has the munchies (uh oh). Everyone shares dreams. "The king inside the castle was a fake and he exploded." "Shit" - Champ. Journey has Greater Restoration, which can ostensibly cure vampirism so Bea is very suspicious. "Your orchard is showing." "It's apple picking season." "That's a fucked up apple."
Dircc requests that Greg join him outside for a talk. Greg tells Champ that Clarence would be his new dad if anything ever happened to him. Dircc talks to Greg in an alley, shows him Rock, then punches him. "Get your shit together, please."
2E talks to Champ: "About what happened tonight..don't tell the others. It's very embarrassing." "Yeah, it is." 2E is asked about her baby, but they receive no further answers. 
"Gen, when we kissed, it was-"
"Hot!"
"-platonic."
"Oh." 
Bea kisses everyone before heading up to their rooms for the night. Clarence gives Dircc 1k gold and apologizes for Greg, reassuring him that he's doing his best and Clarence can take care of things, financially. Gen wants to get drunk and she and 2E gossip about Bea.
Everybody clapped.