License To Die

Patty flipper doesn't like it raw, spoiled rotten housewife, poacher becomes fair game, patient holds his piece, an attractive delinquent, gamer and sleepwalker butt heads, two junkies enter the little mall of horrors.
AIRED ON: OCTOBER 1, 2017
Death #	Name 	Date 	Location 	Discription
162 	PASSED FOOD 	August 21, 2006 	Syracuse, New York 	A former fast food worker named Seth decided to show up at Paul's Patties, the same fast food joint where he got fired for harassing his female coworkers and preparing the food without wearing gloves. With nothing better to do with his day, he taunted the coworkers and his boss behind the counter. At one point, he brought out a burger from McDaniels, which is a fast food joint across the street from Paul's Patties, and that has been responsible for the latter's declining popularity. Seth ate the burger in front of everyone working in an attempt to get a rise out of them. Upon eating it, Seth realized that it was still raw in the middle. Disgusted, he ran into the men's bathroom to wash the taste out. He drank what he thought was water out of a cup, but was really a large swig of rust removing detergent. This type of detergent contains tannic acid and a chemical called 2-Butoxyethanol. These inorganic compounds are commonly used as surface coatings for paint and rust-removing solutions. They had no business being ingested by a loser like Seth. The acid and 2-Butoxyethanol burned and destroyed their way down his vital organs, and he eventually died from Tannic acid induced apoptosis (cell death).
790 	MOUND ST HELEN 	May 4, 1989 	Kalamazoo, Michigan 	Ben was a workaholic and perfectionist who worked as an analyst for a software company. His wife, Helen, was a lazy, stay-at-home person who only worked twice a week at a pet store. One day, Ben was preparing to leave for a business trip, when Helen decided to tease him by spraying whipped cream all over her genitalia, knowing that Ben has a thing for aphrodisiacs (foods that stimulate sexual desire). Ben refused, because he was running late for work, and left. An embittered Helen plopped down on the living room sofa, drank an ungodly amount of wine to numb her pain, and soon blacked out. A few days later, Ben arrived home, only to discover something truly horrific. It turns out that the whipped cream Helen used on herself expired a week ago. The rotten whipped cream's scent attracted maggots, which infested her genitalia, worked their way up the rest of Helen's body, and she died from vaginal myiasis.
356 	SNAKES ON A STICKSHIFT	June 15, 2010 	Rabat, Morocco 	Ivan was an animal poacher who specialized in West African animals. During his trip to Morocco, he collected horned vipers and cobras, and threw them in his pickup truck. He then tried to lure a lion cub into his truck with a ho-ho (let's just say he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer). Somehow, it worked. He quickly scurried the cub to his truck, and began searching for more animals to poach. He spotted a lion and panicked. He hid behind a tree to avoid it. Ivan didn't have the brains to realize that the cub he just poached probably belonged to the lion. The lion eventually walked away and Ivan was relieved. However, his moment of relief was cut short when his own truck mysteriously accelerated and pinned him against the tree he was hiding behind, crushing his testicles, groin, and torso, killing him. What could possibly explain such an odd death? When the adult lion approached Ivan and his game. Ivan's truck was still on at that point, and the snakes he poached earlier instinctively tightened their grip over its stick-shift in fear. This caused the vehicle to shift into neutral and run Ivan over.
338 	DIS-MEMBER-ED 	November 2, 2001	Bend, Oregon 	At a busy hospital, a weird-looking dude named Spencer was waiting to get a genital examination. At the front desk, he exclaimed that he thought he had penile problems, and wanted to see a urologist. In reality, he was plotting a sexual assault against one of the female urologists by forcing her to touch his penis. Eventually, a smoking hot nurse named Jillian took him under her care in one of the hospital rooms. The nurse asked Spencer to pull down his pants to start the exam. After he did that, he pulled out a knife and threatened Jillian with it, telling her to give him a handjob. She screamed for help, and when one of her superiors rush to the room, Spencer, in a moment of anxiety and stupidity, slices his penis right off. Spencer wanted to make it look like Jillian did that to him, so he threw his knife and penis at her. By the time the rest of the nurses arrived, Spencer lost blood at a rapid rate, and he eventually died from exsanguination.
516 	MAGNE-TOWED 	July 11, 2009 	Louiseville, Kentucky	As far as juvenile delinquents went, Deonte was as bad as they came. A lifelong slacker and rebel, Deonte was forced by his parents to attend a rehabilitation program for troubled youths, so that he could get his act together. One of the things he and his delinquent contemporaries had to do was community service in the scorching outdoors. During a pep talk from one of the counselors, Deonte spotted a lake in the distance. He didn't know what was on the other side of it, but he knew he needed to escape. While no one else was looking, he ran toward it as fast as he could and tried to swim across it. As he was swimming, he started to feel as if something was dragging him down. Inexplicably, he sank farther and farther down to the benthic zone of the lake, and drowned. What he didn't know definitely killed him. Earlier that day, a large truck carrying magnets and other metallic materials crashed into a car, causing the magnets to spill out into the lake. Because they exhibited various magnetic properties, and they were dispersed out in the lake widely, the magnets did not magnetize to one another. They stayed afloat, until Deonte swam across the lake. His body and facial piercings caused some of the magnets to latch onto them, weighing Deonte down in the process. As more and more of the magnets accumulated around his body, he was unable to swim back up for air, and he died.
291 	VIRTUAL FATALITY 	January 14, 2017	Davenport, Iowa 	It was Friday night, and Garrett just got back from an electronics store, where he purchased a Virtual Reality headset. He was an early adopter, if there ever was one. He loved getting his hands on the latest gadgets and other high tech kitsch. One important thing to note: he lived in an apartment complex, on the top floor. 10 floors down, A man named Troy was getting some shuteye... but not for long. Troy suffered from somnambulism, which is a fancy way of saying he was a frequent sleepwalker. Tonight, his somnambulism reared its ugly head, and caused Troy to get up from his bed, and unconsciously walked out of his room, downstairs, and out of the building. Garrett was playing with his VR games while this was happening. Due to not being able to see anything in real life, he constantly stumbled around in his room, knocking over things and tripping over furniture. One of the game's levels required him to walk toward a virtual object in order to complete it, so he tried doing that. Unbeknownst to Garrett, he was about to walk toward and stumble into a dangerous, not-so-virtual object: his balcony. Garrett tripped over it, and landed right on top of a sleepwalking Troy. They both died from skull fracture and cardiac arrest.
139 	HALL MARKED 	March 25, 2006 	Orlando, Florida 	It was closing time for a local mall. High on bath salts and meth, college dropouts Floyd and Miles decided to sneak into the closing mall to have a little fun. They broke into numerous shops, trashing them, TPing them, and even lighting some on fire. At one point, Floyd wandered over to the center of the mall and went down a large, 5 meter tall slide. Due to the weight limit of the slide being only 100 pounds, Floyd broke it midway down, and landed the back of his head right on top of the horn of a unicorn statue. He died from massive head trauma and neurogenic shock. After a while, Miles went looking for his dead, junkie friend. But first, he needed something to drink. He spotted a vending machine, and tried buying a $1.50 drink... with 2 quarters, 2 dimes, and 5 pennies. Miles stupidly tried shaking the machine to get his drink out, but slipped, and caused the machine to topple over and crush him. His rib cage punctured his vital organs, and he died within less than a minute.
Category:Episodes