One-Eyed Ruby Vs. Buddy Latex (Transcript)

Barhambots - Episode 20
== "One-Eyed Ruby Vs. Buddy Latex" ==
=== Written by Connor Banjoper. ===
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(The episode opens up with a shot of Ruby's house at 6:37PM on June 5, 2030 AD. Cut to Ruby's bedroom, where Ruby is playing Garry's Mod on her computer. In the game, she playing as Blaze the Cat while using several explosive weapons to shoot down several Combine soldiers. Then, she gets bored.)
{RUBY} (Sighs in boredom.) I really need to get new stuff on GMod.
(Ruby pauses the game and browses through the Steam Community workshop to subscribe to new addons.)
{RUBY} Alright, let's see what interests me.
(Ruby scrolls through the most recent addons to search for any that she likes.)
{RUBY} Maybe I can get new characters to make scenes or populate towns with. I wonder who recently made it into the GMod universe. (Hums as she scrolls down the addons list.)
(Suddenly, something catches Ruby's attention.)
{RUBY} Wait.... go back a minute. (Scrolls up for two seconds.) Is that.... me?!?
(The camera then cuts to and zooms in on the addon menu showing a 3D model of Ruby made by J. C. Thornton (right next to a 3D model of Faina, also by J. C. Thornton). The camera then cuts back to Ruby.)
{RUBY} (Excitedly.) No.... fucking.... way! That is awesome! I didn't even know about this! Totes subscribing!
(Ruby clicks on the addon, then clicks the subscribe button to install it to GMod, and then the camera cuts to her scrolling down to the comment section to add her own comment. Ruby types the following:
"OMG! I had no idea I was going to be a downloadable addon for GMod. This is probably one of the most fantastic moments of my life. Thank you for adding me in, and if Connor Banjoper contributed to this, tell him I said thanks to him. BTW, I look cute in CGI."
Then, Ruby posts her comment.)
{RUBY} I'm going to get Faina on here too, while I'm at it.
(Then, the scene briefly cuts to another shot of Ruby's house, this time with a caption reading "Half An Hour Later....", before cutting back to Ruby's bedroom, where she is bored of Garry's Mod's slow loading screen.)
{RUBY} Stupid, slow-ass loading screens. Always taking forever. Well, if this is how it's gonna be, then I'm gonna check for any updates on J. C. Thornton's account and see what he's been up to. Maybe I'll check out myself in my 3D form again. I'll save the picture to my cellphone, and then remind myself to put it on my computer.
(Ruby opens the link to J. C. Thornton's Steam account and clicks the workshop. There, she sees several characters from Connor Banjoper's franchises (among other franchises) included in the lineup. Ruby clicks on the addon of herself and proceeds to save the picture of the 3D Model to her cellphone.)
{RUBY} Done.
(Then, Ruby swipes all the way down to the bottom of the comment section and then scrolls to her own comment, where she notices that J.C. Thornton has replied with "No problem, One-Eyed Ruby! Glad you liked it." above it.)
{RUBY} Wow, he replied to my comment. I don't know if he usually replies to other people's comments. Well, it sure feels great to be loved by people. (Scrolls up a tad further and stares for a few seconds before she notices something.) Wait, hold up! What does this say?
(The camera briefly cuts to another comment by a user named Buddy Latex, above J. C. Thornton's as Ruby reads it aloud. Buddy Latex's comment is as follows:
"This character is nothing but a shitty FNAF OC made by Connor Banjoper, and should not exist. If I subscribe to it, it will be because I'm going to abuse it in every way possible. All of Connor Banjoper's characters are nothing but weak, crappy, poorly-drawn bootlegs of other franchises, and he should burn in Hell. Like this comment if you agree."
(Then, Ruby starts getting angry.)
{RUBY} What the fuck?!? Shitty FNAF OC?!? Who does this asshole Buddy Latex think he is?!? I'm going to have to find this guy's I.P. address to find out where he lives, so I can get there and teach him a lesson he'll never forget!
(Then, the scene cuts to a shot of Buddy Latex's house at night, and a cloud with the words "One-And-A-Half Hours Later...." can be seen above the house. We now cut to Buddy Latex playing Garry's Mod on his computer.)
{BUDDY LATEX'S MOTHER} (Offscreen.) Ten minutes until bedtime, Brandon!
{BUDDY LATEX} Okay, mother. (To several furries he set up on Garry's Mod.) Prepare to die you stupid furries. (Laughs maniacally as he starts shooting down the furries.)
(Then, his bedroom door is abruptly kicked open by an extremely furious Ruby, who then grabs Buddy Latex by the upper chest.)
(RUBY) (Loudly and furiously.) What the fuck did you just call me, you fucking piece of shit?!?
{BUDDY LATEX} (Groans in pain.) What are doing in my house?!? I'm gonna call the cops!
{RUBY} You won't need the cops after I'm done with you, you insensitive meatsack! You think you can call me something I'm not and get away with it?!?
{BUDDY LATEX} Is this about that comment I posted on J. C. Thornton's addon of you? I called you a shitty Five Nights At Freddy's OC because that's what you are, you disgusting pile of scrap!
{RUBY} So, you think just because I'm both an anthropomorphic animal and a robot, you think that automatically makes me a fan character of some worthless horror game. Guess I'll have to pummel some sense into you, then.
(Ruby quickly throws Buddy Latex onto the floor and starts beating the crap out of him.)
{BUDDY LATEX} (Screams in pain.) Help! Somebody! Assault! Help! (Continues screaming.)
{RUBY} Take that, you mentally handicapped son of a bitch!
(Ruby continues beating up Buddy Latex until the scene crossfades to two paramedics transporting Buddy Latex into an ambulance. Ruby is walking away from his house as this is happening.)
{RUBY} That'll teach him!
(Then, the scene slowly crossfades to a room in a nearby hospital six hours later. After five seconds of silence, Buddy Latex rapidly wakes up and forces his upper body upright.)
{BUDDY LATEX} (Exclaims for a split second.) What happened?!? Where am I?!?
(Dr. Marvin Norman then walks in.)
{DR. NORMAN} It appears you've been pulverized by a highly irritable robot weasel because of something you called her. Next time, think twice before you post offensive comments on the Steam Workshop, eh?
{BUDDY LATEX} Oh my gosh! I cannot believe I got beaten senseless by one of Connor Banjoper's "Five Nights At Freddy's" OCs! (Gets out of the bed.) Well, I'm gonna teach her a thing or two next time I see her again. She's gonna regret attacking me!
{DR. NORMAN} (Watching Buddy Latex leave the hospital room.) Wow, did he learn nothing after One-Eyed Ruby beat him up over six hours ago?
(Then, the scene transitions to midtown Barhamsville the next afternoon. Everyone is going about their day. The camera then shows us another angle, where Barhamsville police officers Jamal Gibson and Wesley Portland (both of whom are African-American) are arresting a young man named Josh (who is white) for allegedly framing his now ex-wife for adultery.)
{OFFICER PORTLAND} You are one sick bastard, y'know that?
{OFFICER GIBSON} You goin' away for a long time, boy.
(Then, a loud thump is heard, which vibrates the land and lightly shakes everyone onscreen.)
{OFFICER PORTLAND} Was that an earthquake?
{OFFICER GIBSON) I have no idea.
(The camera then briefly cuts to Scott Lander pointing out the incoming danger.)
{SCOTT LANDER} (Pointing towards the opposite direction.) Look!
(Then, the camera shows Buddy Latex, who inexplicably grew to become a giant, rampaging down that particular street of Barhamsville. Then, everyone on the street begins running away from Buddy Latex in panic. Then, the camera cuts to Faina and Ruby conversating with each other, both currently oblivious to the imminent danger.)
{RUBY} So, Faina, I'm planning to have a belly inflation party in my mom's basement tomorrow night at 8:00PM. Do you come to it? I'm sure you'll enjoy it.
{FAINA} Well.... okay. I think I would like to come. I mean, I probably would enjoy it.
{RUBY} Great! Now, we can plan to have fun together as best friends.
{FAINA} Yeah, okay.
(Then, Buddy Latex's right hand grabs Ruby and picks her up off the ground as Faina just stares at it. Buddy Latex then holds Ruby up to his face.)
{BUDDY LATEX} You thought you could attack Buddy Latex and get away with it?
{RUBY} I thougt I made it very clear not to fuck with me! Did you not get that message when I beat you up last night?
{BUDDY LATEX} Silence! Now it's time for you to meet your maker.... and I don't mean Connor Banjoper. Once you're out of the way, all of Connor Banjoper's repulsive FNAF OCs will be eliminated from existence.
{RUBY} We Barhambots are not OCs of "Five Nights At Freddy's", you retarded prick! Connor Banjoper was very clear about that!
{BUDDY LATEX} Yeah.... That's what they all say.
(Buddy Latex proceeds to squash Ruby with his fist. The camera then cuts to Ruby inside the fist, where she is trying to avoid getting fatally compressed by it, Ruby struggles for about seven seconds before she gets an idea. Then, she bites on Buddy Latex's palm hard enough for him to feel it, as shown when the camera cuts back to him.)
{BUDDY LATEX} Huh? (Starts feeling pain.) Yow!!!!
(The bite causes Buddy Latex's fist to unfold and release Ruby, who lands safely on the street. Buddy Latex then stumbles backwards into a nearby red sedan, which he slips backwards on and falls unconsious on the street. The citizens of Barhamsville applaud Ruby for defeating Buddy Latex and saving Barhamsville.)
{FAINA} (Enters the scene looking proud of Ruby.) Wow. Smart move, Ruby. That bite of yours was actually strong enough to affect him.
{RUBY} Thanks, Faina. I appreciate it.
{FAINA} I know. I would've done the same.
{RUBY} Y'know I'm kinda starving right now. I could use a meal from Cindy's or something right about now.
{FAINA} Me too, honestly.
{RUBY} Yeah, let's go!
(Faina and Ruby walk towards the nearest Cindy's restaurant as the scene smash cuts to the same hospital room Buddy Latex was in last time, eight hours later.)
{BUDDY LATEX} (Wakes up again.) Yah! What happened?!? Did I win?!?
(Dr. Norman walks in again.)
{DR. NORMAN} Man, you just love pissing off One-Eyed Ruby, don't you?
{BUDDY LATEX} Aw man! How does this keep happening? I should not have lost that confrontation with Ruby the Weasel! (Gets out of the bed and starts walking towards the exit.) That's it! No more fooling around! If I can't destroy that animatronic weasel single-handedly, then I'll form an entire army to wipe out not just her, but every single one of Connor Banjoper's animatronic OCs.
{DR. NORMAN} (Watching Buddy Latex leave the hospital room.) You never learn, do you?
(The scene then cuts directly to Ruby in her bedroom the next morning, where she and Faina are hanging out with each other.)
{RUBY} That's when I discovered that J. C. Thornton made 3D forms of both you and me. I can show you if you want.
{FAINA} I'm actually glad to hear that. How do we look?
{RUBY} I'm looking it up right now.
(Ruby searches up the 3D models of both herself and Faina. She shows Faina hers first.)
{RUBY} See? Is that cool or what?
{FAINA} (Stares at the picture for four seconds.) Wow. That's actually pretty amazing. I look cute.
{RUBY} You sure do. Now, let's see mine.
(Ruby then shows her own 3D model.)
{FAINA} Awesome. Not gonna lie, you look so smooth and beautiful.
{RUBY} Thank you. I know I do.
{FAINA} You're welcome. So, what should we do now?
{RUBY} Well, we've still got 10 hours before our party tonight. Wanna play some videogames?
{FAINA} Okay. Do you wanna pick it, or shall I?
{RUBY} Hmm.... We'll flip for it. (Takes a coin out from behind her hip.) Call it! (Tosses the coin in midair.)
{FAINA} Tails.
{RUBY} (Catches the coin, which lands on tails.) It's tails. Okay, Faina. What's your suggestion?
{FAINA} I was thinking maybe we could play one of the "Blaze The Cat And Friends At The Olympic Games" installments today. I'd prefer the one in 2028 because it's the most recent.
{RUBY} Alright, let's do it!
(Then, the scene cuts to a sign reading "Steam Community" with a caption reading "Meanwhile in the" (No puncuation.) above it. Then, the camera shows Buddy Latex rallying up all of Connor Banjoper's Steam Community enemies to launch an attack on Barhamsville in their hopes of destroying the Barhambots.)
{BUDDY LATEX} Fellow citizens of the Steam Community! We must rise up against Connor Banjoper and rid the world of his atrocious "Five Nights At Freddy's" fan characters!
(The Steamers clamor in agreement.)
{TANNER THE "HERO"} You got that right!
{THAT BLU SUPERNOVA} Yeah!
{THALIA RACHEL MACKENZIE} Banjoper is a faggot!
{BUDDY LATEX} Today, we will march over to Barhamsville and obliterate those robots like the junkyard scraps they are! And if anyone, even a human, tries to stop us, we will exterminate them just the same! And once all of Banjoper's robots are destroyed, Banjoper himself will be the next to perish!
{ALL THE STEAMERS} Yeah!!!!
(BUDDY LATEX} And down with the Blaze the Cat franchise!
{ALL THE STEAMERS} Yeah!!!!
(BUDDY LATEX} Now, let's go kick some animal robot asses!
(The Steam users all follow Buddy Latex towards Barhamsville.)
{ALL THE STEAMERS} (Chanting.) Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
(The scene cuts back to Ruby's bedroom later that afternoon, where she and Faina are making dinner for themselves.)
(Silence for six seconds, aside from the sounds of the dishes being used to make dinner.)
{RUBY} I don't understand why those douchebags on the Steam Community think we Barhambots are OCs of "Five Nights At Freddy's". As far as I know, Connor Banjoper never played those games, nor did he ever like that franchise.
{FAINA} Well.... it probably has something to do with the fact that we're both anthropomorphic animals and robots, which is also what Freddy Fazbear and his friends are, so.... I'm kinda seeing the connection.
{RUBY} I know, right? I mean, those dipsticks couldn't tell the difference between Freddy Fazbear and Chuck E. Cheese.
{FAINA} Ain't that the truth?
{RUBY} (Turns to the viewers.) And I just wanna make it clear to the viewers that we Barhambots are not "Five Nights At Freddy's" fan characters. Connor Banjoper has made it very official that we are a completely different franchise entirely. If anyone tells you we're "Five Nights At Freddy's" OCs, they're lying, and they should not be trusted! Everyone got that?
(Silence for four seconds.)
{RUBY} Good.
{FAINA} Good job clarifying that to all our viewers.
{RUBY} Well, it's good to know that our viewers are being well-educated and understanding.... unlike certain people on a certain website.
{FAINA} Mm-hmm.
(Then, a news broadcast comes on the TV.)
{THEODORE COOPER} (On TV.) We interrupt this fourth-wall-breaking dinner with an emergency broadcast! An army of hostile Steam Community users has just launched an unexpected attack on Barhamsville! The Steam Community army appears to be going mainly after our anthropomorphic animal robot citizens, but they will also attack any other individual who tries to stop them. If you are both an anthropomorphic animal and a robot, we strongly advise that you take shelter as quickly as possible. Hopefully, this situation will die down soon, and will end in Barhamsville's favor.
(Then, Faina and Ruby look out the window and notice that Barhamsville is currently under attack by the Steam Community army, complete with an air raid siren to warn the nearby citizens.)
{RUBY} I have to stop them! (Approaches the nearby window and opens it.) Faina, I'm gonna go destroy that army from the Steam Community. Don't worry; I will definitely be back at this house before our belly party gets started.
{FAINA} Good luck, Ruby. If anyone can stop them, you can.
{RUBY} Thank you, Faina. (Jumps out of the window.)
{FAINA} You're welcome.
(Five minutes later, in downtown Barhamsville, hundreds of individuals - both humans and animal robots - are running in panic from the Steam army who is attempting to massacre the entire Barhambot population. One of the commanders, Lily McFluffy Butt fires his/her rifle at Beckett the Grizzly Bear, at whom the bullet lands in his back, knocking him down, and making him scream in agony. Then, the camera cuts to Lucy and Luan running to escape the Steam army. They run towards an O'Really plumbing van and hide behind it.)
{LUCY} Why are they doing this to us?!?
{LUAN} Can anyone please stop them?!?
{LUCY} What did we ever do to them?!?
{LUAN} Why do they hate us Barhambots so much?!?
(Then, Brewster T. Koopa finds them hiding behind the van and prepares to shoot them.)
{BREWSTER T. KOOPA} Prepare to die, you stupid FNAF OCs!
{LUCY} We're not "Five Nights At Freddy's" OCs, okay?!? Why can't you Steam Community users just accept that?!?
{LUAN} Please, just leave us alone!
(Brewster T. Koopa's laser gun charges up to full power. Right when Brewster T. Koopa aims the gun towards Lucy and Luan, a flying sewer lid decks him in the face, knocking him unconsious and also causing the laser gun to shoot upwards towards the sky. Lucy and Luan look up, and their savior is none other than Ruby.)
{LUCY} (Happily.) Ruby! You saved us! Thanks!
{LUAN} (Happily.) Thank you so much!
{RUBY} You're welcome. I'll hold them off. You two go take shelter immediately.
{LUCY & LUAN} Yes ma'am! (Run towards the nearest terrorist attack shelter.)
(The scene then cuts to several Steam users marching down one of Barhamsville's streets, attacking anyone they see in their pathway. Then, one of them, Captain Narwhal is shot in the face, killing him instantly. Then, another one, Dr. Memz gets shot too; not fatally, but bad enough that he can no longer attack anyone. The camera cuts to show that Ruby is the one who shot both of them, and is targeting Killroy Freeman next. Thalia Rachel Mackenzie and Tanner the "Hero" quickly run out of the way. Killroy Freeman fires his blaster at Ruby in an attempt to kill her, but Ruby fires multiple bullets through Killroy's armor, thus wounding him (and Killroy dies offscreen minutes later). The camera then cuts to Lily McFluffy Butt repeatedly striking Floris the Pig with a stunstick.)
{FLORIS} (Cries in agony.)
{LILY MCFLUFFY BUTT} Take that, you worthless appliance!
{FLORIS} (Sobbing.) I did not even deserve this!
(Then, Lily McFluffy Butt is shot in his/her left eye, agonizing him/her.)
{LILY MCFLUFFY BUTT} (Loud and in agony.) Ahowa!
(Ruby approaches Floris, who is now being picked up by her best friend, Haylee the Sheep.)
{FLORIS} (Sniffles.) Thank you, One-Eyed Ruby. I will always be grateful for you rescuing me there.
{RUBY} You're welcome. Now, go take shelter now!
{HAYLEE} (To Floris.) There, there. It's okay. It's over now.
(Floris and Haylee then walk towards the shelter as Ruby shoots Lily McFluffy Butt in the other eye, and then the chest, killing Lily McFluffy Butt. Then, the scene cuts to Buddy Latex's three colleagues - Baldy McRubberNose, Corrosion, and Commander Cody (not the one from Star Wars) - making a progress report on their attack on Barhamsville.)
{BALDY MCRUBBERNOSE} How many animal robots have we killed so far?
{CORROSION} 8 in total.... And counting.
{COMMANDER CODY} Banjoper stands no chance against us!
(Then, the Barhamsville Police Department suddenly shows up in front of them and prepares to take them down.)
{OFFICER CHAPMAN} Stop right there, criminal scums!
(Baldy McRubberNose, Corrosion, and Commander Cody all prepare to attack the police officers.)
{BALDY MCRUBBERNOSE} Why don't you try and make us, animal robot lovers?
(Behind them, Ruby throws a grenade towards them, and it lands right between Corrosion's and Commander Cody's feet. Corrosion notices it and picks it up, thinking Commander Cody dropped it.)
{CORROSION} Uh, Cody. I think you dropped something over here. (Shows him the grenade.)
{COMMANDER CODY} (Unsuspectingly.) Uh, that's not mine.
(Then, the grenade promptly explodes, killing Corrosion and Commander Cody, and moderately injuring Baldy McRubberNose. Then, the scene cuts to an Ikea truck driving down a highway entering Barhamsville. The truck driver, Olaf Holmberg is minding his own business, when Ruby suddenly appears out of nowhere to take control of the truck.)
{RUBY} Hey, I need to use your truck! No time to explain! Just move on out!
{OLAF HOLMBERG} (Confused.) What?
(Ruby drops Olaf off at the nearest opportunity, and drives the truck towards the Steam Community army. Then, Ruby turns the wheel so hard, the truck starts drifting towards the Steam Community. Ruby jumps out of the truck, and the truck honks its horn as the side of it plows through the Steam Community army like a lot of bowling pins. The truck remains just about unharmed as the Wii Sports banner for a bowling strike shows up onscreen.)
{WII SPORTS ANNOUNCER} Nice throw!
(Then, the camera cuts to Ruby on a sidewalk preparing to take down the leader of the Steam army (Buddy Latex).)
{RUBY} I think that's just about all of them. All I need to do is defeat their leader, and their army will be no more. (Notices something on the sidewalk.) Oh, a 10-dollar bill! Can't leave that unattended.
(Ruby does not notice that there is another Steam Community user, AndyDatRaginPurro, and he is about to shoot Ruby with a sniper rifle from a nearby building. Fortunately, Ruby manages to bend over to pick up the 10-dollar bill just in time to avoid getting hit by the bullet, which ricochets off of a parking sign and soars right back to AndyDatRaginPurro, where it socks him right in the forehead, knocking him out. Then, Ruby bends back up.)
{RUBY} Now, I need to find the leader of this Steam Community army and blow him straight to Hell!
(Then, Buddy Latex suddenly appears behind her and loads a heat ray gun to murder her with.)
{RUBY} (To herself.) (Sighs.) Of course it would be him. (Turns to Buddy Latex.) How many times do I have to teach you this lesson, Buddy Latex?
{BUDDY LATEX} I didn't come here to hear one of your petty lectures, One-Eyed Ruby. I only came to rid this world of all "Five Nights At Freddy's" OCs for the good of all humanity.
{RUBY} If you're only after "Five Nights At Freddy's" OCs, then why are you attacking the Barhambots? We have absolutely nothing to do with that crappy horror game, fool!
{BUDDY LATEX} You can't fool me, Ruby the Weasel! I'm gonna blast you and your cancerous friends to the hellfire pits of the Underworld!
{RUBY} (Outraged, but quiet.) Cancerous?!?
{BUDDY LATEX} Any last words before I turn you to scrap metal?
{RUBY} Actually, I do have some last words just for you. (Inhales very deeply.)
(Then, Ruby blasts Buddy Latex with extremely hot breath formed from pure fury as she yells an ignominious speech at him.)
{RUBY} (Extremely infuriated.) Buddy Latex, you are the most retarded Steam user to ever exist in this motherfucking universe! When are you going to realize that characters are not bootleg knockoffs of pre-existing franchises just because you say they are?!? The reason everyone here despises you is because you're nothing but a heartless, insensitive, retarded, shit-headed, animal-bashing, cyberbullying, scamming, lying, robot-hating, cold-hearted, perverted, lowlife, terrorizing, Anti Connor worshipping, good-for-nothing, worthless fool! You're the exact kind of person that makes people want the fucking world to fucking burn, and honestly, I'm surprised you're not in a mental asylum right now because that's where you belong!
{BUDDY LATEX} (Screams in extreme agony as Ruby continues shouting at him.)
{RUBY} You and your dipshit friends think we in Barhamsville are the villains, yet you're the ones going around bullying everyone who disagrees with your poorly educated beliefs and opinions! Why don't you try respecting other people's beliefs and opinions instead of trying to force your own fucking garbage on them for a change?!? Better yet, how about you change your username to something that matches your shitty personality, so people in their right mind will know to avoid you?!? Maybe that'll knock some fucking sense into your single-celled brain! I'm sure when you arrive at your residence in Hell, Satan will put your stupid-ass face on his wall of infamy! And don't even bother asking God for forgiveness because you are not worth it! Oh, and if you ever show your face in this city again, I will slice it off your fucking head to use it for cleaning my barbeque grill, and then rinse it off to use it to clean my toilet bowl! Good day to you, cracker!!!!
(Then, the area Buddy Latex is standing in explodes from all of Ruby's rage. Then, when it clears up, Buddy Latex is nowhere to be seen, indicating that he has been killed by Ruby's anger. The citizens of Barhamsville all applaud her for her bravery and might.)
{LUCY} Yay, Ruby! You saved us all!
{LUAN} We love you, Ruby!
{OLAF HOLMBERG} I wanna try that truck bowling trick!
{GLADYS MENDEZ} Praise Jesus!
{GERTORN} Ruby, you're the best!
{RICARDO} You rock, Ruby!
{OFFICER GIBSON} Alright!
{OFFICER CHAPMAN} Hooray!
{HAYLEE} She saved my best friend!
{FLORIS} You did it, Ruby!
(The citizens continue to applaud.)
{RUBY} (To herself.) Man, it sure feels good to be loved.
(Then the scene transitions to Ruby's abdominal inflation party at 8:10PM, where a lot of the Barhambots are partying with inflated abdomens while Ke$ha's "Tik Tok" plays in the background.)
{KE$HA} (On the radio.) ♫ Don't stop! Make it pop! DJ, blow my speakers up! Tonight, I'm-a fight 'til we see the sunlight! ♫
(The camera cuts to Faina and Ruby, who both have inflated abdomens, conversating with each other.)
{FAINA} You did amazing out there, saving Barhamsville from those terrorists of an online community.
{RUBY} Hey, it's all in a day's work for One-Eyed Ruby. So, you ready to have some fun tonight with our big-ol' bellies?
{FAINA} As long as my belly's a big, bouncy balloon, I'm all in for it.
{RUBY} Aw-right! You know, Faina, I've noticed that you're a lot perkier when your belly's inflated.
{FAINA} Well.... what can I say? I really love my belly.
{RUBY} So do I. (Chuckles.) Hey, Faina.
{FAINA} Yes, Ruby?
{RUBY} (Bumps her abdomen into Faina's.) Tag! You're it! (Chuckles.)
{FAINA} (Chuckles.) Alright, missy. You asked for this. (Bumps her abdomen into Ruby's.) Booyah! You're it! (Laughs.)
{RUBY} (Giggles.) This is fun!
{FAINA} It sure is!
{RUBY} I love you, Faina.
{FAINA} I love you too, Ruby.
(Faina and Ruby continue bumping their abdomens as the camera zooms out to the rest of the party, where all the Barhambots are enjoying it. The scene then cuts to the outside of Ruby's house as "Tik Tok" finishes playing.)
{KE$HA} (On the radio.) ♫ Tik Tok! On the clock! But the party don't stop, no-o-o-o-oh! O-o-o-oh!
(The scene cuts to pitch black as Ke$ha's soft laughter can be heard after the music stops. Then, the scene fades to the inside of a cosmic wormhole, where we see captions fly upwards. The first one reads "Meanwhile....", the second one reads "Somewhere beyond the universe....", and the third one reads "And beyond time....". Then, we see Buddy Latex flying upwards with the captions.)
{BUDDY LATEX} You haven't seen the last of me, One-Eyed Ruby! Just you wait! I swear on my eternal hatred for Connor Banjoper, I will make you pay for what you did!
(Then, Buddy Latex drops into Purgatory, where all of the Barhamsvillian victims of the army attack - both humans and animal robots - are waiting for him, and they are obviously angry at him.)
{BUDDY LATEX} (Nervously.) Uh.... Hey, everyone. Lovely weather we're having, huh?
{BECKETT} Get him!
(The deceased Barhamsvillians all start attacking Buddy Latex as four Mexican mariachis play "Jarabe Tapatio". The Barhamsvillians attack Buddy Latex in various methods for approximately 48 seconds in real time. Then, once Buddy Latex is pulverized, and the music has stopped, God himself steps out to let the deceased Barhamsvillians into Heaven.)
{GOD} Good job, Barhamsvillians! Now that Buddy Latex has been defeated, feel free to come on into Heaven!
(The deceased Barhamsvillians all applaud as they walk up the stairway into Heaven. Once all of them are in Heaven, God approaches Buddy Latex.)
{GOD} (Sternly.) As for you, Buddy Latex....
(Then, the scene cuts to Buddy Latex falling into the depths of Hell, where several of the other Steamers are sitting around in despair. Once Buddy Latex hits the floor of Hell, he lays there in agony. He does briefly raise his head up for a few seconds to declare the end of the episode.)
{BUDDY LATEX} Well, I don't know what else to say. The end. (Lands his face back down.)
(The scene cuts to pitch black for a single solid second.)
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=== END OF EPISODE ===