ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers Season 2 Complete Full Length Version by Rhonda Kelly Films Inc.

What's going on here? What do you mean, Sam? There's four ABC circles where there's supposed to be one and the screen doesn't look right. That's because we're appearing in negative images. Oh, that explains it. Hey Mary, who turned out the lights? I think I like it this way, Mike. We can make out and no one can see us. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Guy, what is the meaning of this? Everything's gone black and white, Sam. The budget isn't that tight, Guy. Give me some color! Now! All right already! Sheesh! I get blamed for everything going wrong around here! Why must you always be such a buttwipe, Sam? I'm not a buttwipe, you sonofagun! And shush the sheesh! Hey Abby, check it out! We're in neon! This is wild! Really psychedelic! Guyyyyyyyyyyyyy!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Guy! Quit futzing around with the screen image and get the ABC 2007 logo right, you dig? Oooh, what a grouch! Hey Hank, did you notice something odd here? Yeah, Jimmy. The picture is not here. It's getting colder in here. I agree. Feels like the Arctic Circle in here. Brrrrr! All right, who's futzing around with the thermostat? It was getting too hot in here, Sam. Did you expect our studio to feel like a desert? If you two morons don't turn the thermostat up again, I promise you you'll get plenty of heat! Microsoft Sam! Leave your hate-criminal tendencies at home! I'm the boss and I'll do whatever I f-ing well please, Fatso! I don't care! No more venting hate around here! And stop calling me "Fatso!" [ZOOM] [CRASH!!] SECURITY!!! [Guy] All right, Sam! If you want heat, I'll give you plenty of it! Not again, Guy! The Viacom V of Doom, Screen Gems S from Heck and the B Backwards-N D Mask of Guo Xiang combined can't scare me the way they did before. Jeez! They put Sam in the hospital last time, and this time, no soap! I'll have to use more drastic measures. Guy, Guy, Guy, why don't you just give up? That Klasky-Csupo robot doesn't scare me either. Oh my goodness, Sam! Don't tell me I've lost my touch! I'm tough enough to handle anything scary you can throw at me. By the way, why do you have the thermostat turned way up? It feels like Death valley in here. You must be out of your mind, Sam! I didn't even touch it! Then why are we all sweating our butts off in here? Does this answer your question? Eek! It's the Devil! Lord God, have mercy on me! Don't mention the Almighty to me! I've got plans for all of you myself. No wonder it felt hot as heck in here. You'd better have an explanation for this heating trend, Lucifer. You bet I do, Sam, and after I'm done here, you'll all bow down before me! That's as far as you go, you mangy old Devil! If you want Sam, you'll have to get me first, and you wouldn't want to mess with me. Ha ha ha ha ha! That's a laugh! I just want to see you try and shove me aside! Ha ha ha ha ha! All right, you infernal goon! You asked for it! [BOOM!] [Devil] Oh crum! Crum crum crum crum crum! Beaten again! Next time, I WILL get what I want with you! Famous last words! If that mangy old Devil shows up again, we'll call on God to deal with him. [CRASH!!] Oh bother! Methinks we screwed up again! Youthinks right, Guy, but I'll forgive you this time. Let's take the rest of the day off while our repair crews fix the damage. [Mike] Just when we had it licked, we get hit with more bloopers. [Mary] Don't worry about it, Mike. Let's go out for a snack. [Anna] Sounds like a good idea. Wanna go Dutch, Sam? [Sam] I'd love to, Anna, as long as Guy picks up the tab. Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [Guy] Tantrum is coming on. No no no no no no no no dangit dangit dangit dangit! Microsoft Sam, I wish you would stop cleaning out my wallet every time we go out to eat you *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! Places, everybody. Is the new Logo Guy ready? Just call me Scotty. [Sam] Okay, Scotty, roll it! Uh, Scotty? Yeah, Sam? This is the ABC 2007 logo we're doing. The ABC logo doesn't come along until 1975. I'm no clock-watcher! Sheesh! Shush the sheesh! Mortal Kombat. It must be time for playing games. Scotty, this is supposed to be 2007, and that Mortal Kombat logo is from 1992. Oh, Mister Particular! Everything's gotta be just right! What a buttwipe! I am not a buttwipe! Harbor Freight Tools. I'll bet he's dreaming of a Harbor Freight Tools. Is "Harbor Freight Tools" on? I wonder what prank he'll pull on Harbor Freight Tools as well. I know nothing. I know something. SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYY! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaam? Yes, I bellowed, Scotty! Are you acting like your brother Guy, the former Logo Guy? I forgot to mention that he and I are twins. Yeah, and with matching brains too! Now let's get on the stick! All right! Judas Priest, you can really be such a buttwipe! Take it easy, Sam. Don't get upset. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! I'm not a buttwipe! If anybody here's a buttwipe, it's Microsoft Mike, not me, you hear me? You moron moron moron moron moron moron moron moron! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm okay, Anna. Why do I always get feeble-minded guys to run the logo? [Anna] There, there, Sam. Scotty's new here. Give him time, okay? [Sam] All right. Let's continue with the ABC ident. Family Matters. It must be time for watch the sitcom. No thanks. Scotty, do you work for The Parent Hood? No sir. Then why did you send The Parent Hood logo in here instead of the ABC Logo? Just give me a chance! Mr. America can't afford any more flunkies working for him. Now, unless you want your name in the obituaries tomorrow... Are you threatening me? Just do what I say, capeesh? [Scotty] All right, Sam, you asked for it! If you think you can scare me with the Viacom V of Doom, the Screen Gems S from Heck, the B Backwards-N D Mask of Guo Xiang and the Klasky-Csupo Robot all at once, Scotty, you've got another think coming! Microsoft Sam! You mean to say you're immune to scary logos? There is nothing on earth that can scare me now. Now you listen to me: what you need is the ABC logo. You hear me? ABC! ABC! ABC! [Scotty] All right, Sam. If you insist on running this place as if it were your own personal sweatshop, choke on THIS! [ViD Theme] Hey Sam, I'm the Blue Screen of Death! Surrender your soul! Now! Great googley-moogley! Not the Blue Screen of Death! Yes, the Blue Screen of Death! You must obey your true lord and master... Satan! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLP! Don't worry, Sam. I can defeat this mongrel for you. Get away from Sam, interferer, or I'll dump all over you! Don't get filthy with me! Take that! [BOOM!!] [Anna] It's all right, Sam. I've destroyed the Blue Screen of Death. You have nothing to worry about. [Sam] Thank heavens! [ViD Theme] Eek! It's the Devil and the She-Devil! Lord God, have mercy on me! Please! [Devil] Spare the pleading for mercy, you bimbos! [She-Devil] We've come for Microsoft Sam. What do you want from me, infernal sowers of evil seeds? [Devil] Only one thing we want from you, Sam: your soul! Surely you jest, Mr. and Mrs. Mephistopheles! You know you have no conclusive proof against me, and there is not a thing you can do about it. [She-Devil] Don't call me Shirley! [Devil] We really do have conclusive proof against you, only you're not allowed to know what it is until after you've died. [She-Devil] That is a rule that cannot be broken, and you're justly sentenced to an eternity in Heck! What? An eternity in Heck? No no no no no no no no no no no no nooooooooooooooooo! [Devil] Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What's going on here? You two leave Microsoft Sam alone! You cannot convict on hearsay alone, nor can you torment any soul without showing conclusive proof against him! [She-Devil] If you keep interfering, we will have no choice but to dump all over Sam and his friends! Defy My Authority and I will come down on you HARD! H-A-R-D! [Devil] Scandal above all scandals, even the Penn State scandal! Shall we let Sam and his friends have it? [She-Devil] Bombs away! [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP] Gugh! How dare you! Eeeeewwww! Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww! [Sam barfing] How dare you soil us! Eeeeewwww! Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww! [Mike barfing] I agree with Mike! How dare you! Eeeeewwww! Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] How dare you two get filthy with me! Eeeeewwww! Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww! [Google Translate barfing] How dare you spewers of filth defy me! Take that! [BOOM!!] Sam and his friends are all cleaned up now. Now I send these two pieces of trash back where they belong! [CRASH!!] The Devil and the She-Devil have been sent back where they came from. You can resume your ABC ident now. Thanks. [Sam] Okay, Scotty, roll it! Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed. Youthinks right, Scotty. Let's try again. ABC? That's from 1972. This is supposed to be 2007. Sorry, wrong number. That's All Folks from Looney Tunes? Tom Bergeron meet Bugs Bunny. Oops! I forgot the rest of the television! He's right, Sam. You were so intent on trying to get the logo right, you forgot about the rest of the television. Well, I guess I'll allow it. [Sam] Scotty, my boy, you're starting to get the hang of it. Now, if we add the ABC caption and the body of the television, we've got it right down Broadway. [Scotty] Don't mention Broadway, Sam. I was in only one production there, and they shut it down quickly. [Sam] And what was that? [Scotty] "Null and Void." It was cancelled before it even got started. [Sam] Why does this always happen to me? Other directors get real prop men and I'm stuck with the buttwipe. [Scotty] I AM NOT A BUTTWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPE!!! Sam? Sam? Has anybody seen Sam? Not in the last five minutes, Anna. He's probably giving a pep talk to Scotty, showing him what it means to be a Logo Guy. Well, let's get started. Roll camera! Cue the circle! Where's the BC? There's an A on the circle, but I don't see a BC. I'd say it's a case of whoa B-gone! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Whoa B-gone! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! The BC is here, but the A is gone. Sam probably used the A to swat at the BC after it stung Scotty. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Very funny, LH Michelle! Hi, Sam. You're a little late, aren't you? I had to give Scotty some Logo Guy training. I'm ready when you are, Sam. [Sam] Okay, Scotty, roll it! A circle without letters. A town without pity. Where's the letters, Scotty? [Scotty] Here they come, Sam. SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYY! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaam? Yes, I bellowed, Scotty! The letters are supposed to be on the circle! Didn't I tell you that during your Logo Guy training? Microsoft Sam! Give me a break already! You heard him, Sam! Why must you always treat him as if he were in a United States Marines boot camp? That's none of your business, Fatso! DON'T CALL ME "FATSO!" [ZOOM] [CRASH!] SECURITYYYY! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, Security Man. I want you to throw Beulah out of here! I'm sorry, Sam! I promise I won't throw you across the room again! I just hate being called "Fatso," that's all! Have mercy on me! Please! Beulah, you're fired! Security Man, throw here out of here! NOW!! [Beulah] Put me down! I demand that you put me down! [Security Man] You don't work here any more, Beulah! Out you go! [Beulah falling] [LOUD CRASH!!] Sam, you homicidal maniac! Bring Beulah back here NOW! You know I love her! Never! I'm the boss and I'll do what I want here, understand? That's it, Sam! I quit! Scotty, come back here right now, or you're fired! Too late, Sam. Scotty already left. Oh bother! Who am I gonna get at this late date to be the Logo Guy? Don't sweat it, Sam. Jimmy and I can handle it. Anybody's better than that dime-a-dozen bum. [Hank] He's not a dime-a-dozen bum, Sam. [Sam] That's a lie! Now what's this? This is supposed to be ABC, isn't it? Yeah, but it's supposed to be 2007, cappesh? Picky, picky, picky. No! No! No! No, no, no, no, no! Now listen! ABC, you hear me? ABC! A as in Wisenheimer, BC as in Blockhead! ABC! Calm down, Sam. You know they're trying so hard... ...maybe a little too hard. You stay out of this, you lesbian idiot! Take it easy, LH Michelle. Sam's just a little upset. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on now. No no no no no no no no! Microsoft Sam, don't you dare call me a lesbian idiot! I'm not a lesbian nor am I an idiot, so stop it, you hear me? Stop it, you dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy! [BOOM!!] LH Michelle, are you all right? Just a little shaken-up, Anna. I think Sam owes me an apology. That's okay, Michelle. Sam always seems to get upset over the slightest things, but I know how to calm him down. Well, I never thought I'd expect to see LH Michelle throw a tantrum like that. Scotty! Back so soon? What happened? I had to take Beulah to the hospital. The doctor says she's sustained multiple injuries in her fall, but she'll recover soon. She says she's sorry for throwing you across the room. Tell her I accept her apology and she's re-hired as soon as she recovers. Good. She's also filed an assault and battery lawsuit against the Security Man. Oh bother! Well, let's get the ident started. [Scotty] Roger Wilco. Hey look! A fashion accessory! I agree, Abby, that's the Louis Vuitton logo. I have fashion accessory myself. Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed. Youthinks right, Scotty. Well, at one time Intel owned the rights to all color ABC 2007 idents released before August 2005. True. You know, Sam, there's one thing that hasn't happened yet in this video. And what's that? Sam hasn't been scared out of his skull by a logo. Oh really? What about the next one that's coming up? [Announcer] You can be sure... ...if it's Westinghouse. Eee-aaaaaaaaaagggggghhhhh! Get that Westinghouse logo out of here! And if you scare me again, I'll have your Logo Guy license revoked! Scared you, didn't I, Sam? Well, I'm on the right track! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You scared Sam? He's not the only one. Rhonda Kelly told us he used to have nightmares about Westinghouse commercials when he was a kid. That makes two of them. If Sam and Rhonda Kelly don't surrender their souls to the Devil, I will poop all over both of them! And make them throw up? No way, Jose! Don't interfere, Anna, or I'll poop all over you as well! Don't you get filthy with me! Take that! [BOOM!!] [Anna] You don't need to worry, Sam. I put that logo in its place. [Sam] Good. [NBC Chimes] It's the NBC Snake again. Next thing you know, they'll say "Brought to you in Living Color." [Announcer] Brought to you in Living Color. [Sam] Now cut that out! [Scotty] In the words of Steve Martin, well excuuuuuuuuuuuse me! [Sam] Hey! What's going on? It's curfew, Sam. According to the new company rules, we shut down power at 9 P.M. to save on energy costs. What energy costs? The energy costs that skyrocket every time one of you throws a tantrum. According to alchemistmuffin, that's a lie! He says tantrums do NOT cause energy costs to skyrocket, and if Rhonda Kelly keeps denying it, he'd be guilty of perjury. Rhonda Kelly says that no jury in the world would convict him, and we have the receipts to prove it. Well, since it's curfew, we may as well go home. [Anna] I have an idea, Sam. There's a motel area near the studio. We can rent a room and spend the night there. [Sam] Great idea, Anna. [Scotty] Can I spend the night there too? [Anna] There's only room for two people. [Sam] That lets you out, Scotty. [Scotty] Sheesh! [Sam] And shush the sheesh! [Scotty] And who's to tell me to shush the sheesh if I don't want to? [Anna] Don't get upset, Scotty. There's an extra bed in the motel room. [Sam] Great idea, Anna. We can share the deluxe bed and Scotty can use the crib. Hahahahahahahahah! [Scotty] Oh bother! Uh, Jimmy? Yes, Anna? Don't you think there's something wrong with the ident? The letters are the right ones, aren't they? Yes, but the logo should be 2007. A logo suggestion. A logo ship for an ocean trip. Android? No wonder Mary and I used the phones to contact friends. Must be where Scotty used to work before he came here. He was a dumb waiter! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's my boyfriend you're talking about, Mary, so be careful. Sorry, Beulah. I'm hoping they can get a settlement in court over the tantrum issue. Me too. But you know the name of the restaurant Mike and Mary ate at last night: Chez Monyou. Chez MonyoU! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I think I use a Verizon. Cruising through the gulfstream. Is ESPN contagious, Abby? I hope not, but I hear that after Mike and Mary dined at Chez Monyou, they got it in bed. That's very nasty, Abby. Sorry, Mike. Don't remind me! You're making me sick! Eeeewwww! Eeeeeeeeewwww! [Barfing] ESPN jokes make ME sick too! Eeeewwww! Eeeeeeeeewwww! [Barfing] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What's so funny, Jimmy? The name of that restaurant! Chez Monyou! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Chez Monyou! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Jimmy, there are two things wrong here. Name them. The logo should display "2007," not "1962." I thought it meant "Vice-President." Also, this is the 2007, and the caption is from 1962. In the words of Steve Martin, and as quoted by many, well excuuuuuuuuuuse meeee! [ViD theme] [Devil] Surprise! [She-Devil] You didn't expect to see us again, did you? Eek! It's the Devil and the She-Devil! Lord God Almighty, have mercy on us! [Devil] Please don't say that around us! It makes our tails grow limp! What are you two imps doing here? [She-Devil] We've come for Microsoft Sam. Sam's not here. He and Scotty are in court, defending themselves against a charge of lying about tantrums. The prosecution claims Sam and Scotty's statements about tantrums causing a spike in energy costs is a fabrication. [Devil] That's a claim we know to be true. [She-Devil] It's a well-known fact that the act of throwing a tantrum does not cause energy costs to skyrocket. It's not the tantrums themselves, but the explosions generated by them that make energy costs skyrocket. It's really the damage the tantrum-induced explosions leave in their wakes that drive energy costs through the roof. [Devil] We've learned from reliable sources that the story about tantrum- induced explosions is IRRELEVANT to the charges against Sam and Scotty. [She-Devil] Tantrums do NOT generate explosions; therefore, Sam and Scotty are guilty of perjury. [Devil] That means Sam and Scotty belong to us, and if you don't turn them over to us, we will dump all over you. You'll do nothing of the kind, Devil and She-Devil! Everything about tantrums is relevant! [She-Devil] Scandal! Scandal to end all scandals! [Devil] Prepare to be dumped on! [KAPOW!] Unacceptable! Take that! [BOOM!!] [Devil] Curses! Foiled again by the Almighty! But we're coming back! [She-Devil] And Microsoft Sam will be ours forever! [Voice of God] Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no. "eBay?" As in eBay website? Ah yes, my little chickadee. Next time the Devil and She-Devil threaten to dump their waste on us, we'll shove them into the eBay. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Well said, Mike. [Devil] Don't push it! We still want Microsoft Sam's soul! [Voice of God] Not without conclusive proof of guilt, you greedy infernal soul-stealer! [Devil] Oh bother! Corona Extra? Beer of drink. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Hey Mike, I didn't know you could laugh like Sam. When you've been around him as long as I have, you start to develop certain habits. Yeah, Mike, but if Sam and Scotty were here, Sam would say Scotty's I.Q. is P.U. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey, I resent that! Scotty! Back so soon from the courthouse? How did the trial go? And where is Sam? I'll explain later. Right now, let's work on the logo. "Tommy Hilfingur?" What a rude logo! All right! Jimmy, Hank, which one of you made the logo display Tommy Hilfingur? Not me. Not me. Truth be told, Scotty, it was you who made the logo say Tommy Hilfingur. I made it say what? Tommy Hilfingur! Tommy Hilfingur! Microsoft Anna! You watch your language! Take a deep breath, Anna. Relax. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! SCOTTY, I'M WARNING YOU! IF YOU PLAY ANOTHER CRUDE JOKE ON ME I'LL USE MY LASER EYE POWER TO SCAN YOUR HEAD OFF YOU MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON!! [BOOM!!!] Microsoft Anna! Are you okay? I'm all right. Sorry I blew a fuse. And I'm sorry for the joke I played on you. And how did the trial come out? Thanks to a plea bargain, the charge against me was dropped. However, Sam was convicted of lying about tantrums. Sam's guilty? How come? Sam, Rhonda Kelly and I saw the testimony provided by alchemistmuffin proving tantrums did not cause energy bills to skyrocket. Thanks to the plea deal, none of us has to go to prison, but Sam has to perform 1,000 hours of community service. He got off without any jail time? Does this mean we'll see him soon? Well, yes and no. Rhonda Kelly says that Sam is under suspension until he completes his community service. Well, let's continue trying to get the ABC 2007 logo correct. Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed yet again. Youthinks right, Scotty. But don't take it so hard. We're only human. You're right, Mary. I'll try again. Not just yet, Scotty. It's getting late. We'll try again tomorrow. [Scotty] This is Radar Overseer Scotty with an explanation as to the outcome of Microsoft Sam's perjury trial. As I mentioned in this video, Sam was convicted on the evidence as presented by alchemistmuffin. To those who wonder why Sam did not get any jail time at all: Rhonda Kelly and I admitted we can't argue against alchemistmuffin's video testimony, but we all agreed that, although tantrums are a form of emotional release, if the tantrum thrower is an adult, it, like smoking or alcohol, can lead to serious health problems. The key is moderation and self-control. Keep tuned to this channel for future ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers videos. It's great to be back in charge of the ABC logo. It's great to see you back, Sam. I've missed you. I've missed you too, Anna. Let's get this show on the road! Roll camera! Cue circle! "Wikipedia?" What is this? Well, Sam, we are using the 2007 version. But Scotty, I never was in the Army. No indeed, Sam, but they still say you're a 4-F! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Buttwipe! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! I've got good news, Mary. What is it, Mike? We can save money on car insurance. Scotty? What did I tell you? Oops! Methinks I goofed! Colgate? I do not brush my teeths. Me, I'd go for some Crest. Oh really? I like a good Colgate myself. Et tu, Brute? Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Staples. An office store. SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaam? How many times do I have to tell you? NO COMMERCIAL PLUGS IN AN IDENT!! [Scotty] Up yours, buttwipe! Pet Supplies Plus. A pet store. A pet what? A pet store. I was there once myself. I'll bet you went to a University of pet store basketball game. How did you know? I got Rick Pitino's autograph. Hey Hank, you said "Pet store" too. You had to be there to know how the locals say it. Pet store. RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY!! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? The meaning of what? How to pronounce Pet store? I DON'T CARE HOW YOU PRONOUNCE PET STORE!! ONE MORE COMMERCIAL PLUG AND IT'S THE END!! [Scotty] Oh bother! That's it, Scotty! I warned you! Prepare to meet your doom! Uh-oh! I'd better vamoose! Come back here, you coward! [Gunshots] Watch out, Scotty! Sam's got a gun! Run, Scotty! Run, run, run! Have mercy on him, Sam! Now who'll man the logo? Hank and I can handle it. [Anna] Okay. Let's get the logo. This is Blizzard Entertainment, the video game company that produced Doom. We will examine the phenomenon of tantrums and explain why they are normal in children but can be harmful to adults. [Gunshots] What's going on? Sounds like a gun battle outside our studio. I saw an armed Sam chasing Scotty outside. I hope he doesn't shoot him. Neither do I. I love Scotty too much. Sam knows that we in the studio detest violence. Just where is Sam anyway? Please, Rhonda! Say it isn't true! I'm not a fan of capital punishment, but then again, I'm not the Mayor of ROFL City. Microsoft Sam, you have been found guilty as charged in the *** of Radar Overseer Scotty. But, Your Honor, it was in self-defense! Be silent! The jury rejected your claim of self-defense and you are justly sentenced to death. If you have any last words, say them now. I will be above Scotty in the afterlife. Much above him. By the power vested in me, I order this execution to proceed. [BOOM!!] How do you feel, Sam? Like a barbecued T-bone steak, what else? Now just relax, Sam. I'll take very good care of you. Tnank you, nurse, uh... What is your name? Well, you can call me... Mrs. Mephistopheles! [Diabolical laughter] [RoboSoft 3 narrating] Microsoft Sam, sentenced to death for killing Radar Overseer Scotty, suffered severe burns as a result of an unexpected short circuit, but survived the execution attempt. While in the hospital, Sam experienced a hallucination in which he saw the nurse transform into the She-Devil before his eyes. Everyone in ROFL City believes Scotty to be dead... ...but IS he? Meanwhile, back in the studio, Rhonda Kelly, with the help of Microsoft Anna, is overseeing the ABC logo. [Rhonda Kelly] Okay, let's roll! Where's the BC? Still in the hive. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha! Very funny! That's okay, Rhonda. Let's see what comes up next. Jiminy Christmas! The A has flown the coop! It went looking for the BC. Probably at the hive. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Old Navy? No thanks, we have New Navy. Look, Michelle, it's PetSmart. PetSmart is free. I hear that in ROFL City, they'll fine you a dime for every pet stores caught. That's why they all roam free, Rhonda! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Now it's a BBB ABC Circle. BBB guns I understand, but not a BBB ABC Circle. It's what I used to deflect the bullets from Sam's gun. It's Radar Overseer Scotty! Scotty's alive? But it can't be! Scotty! You're back! I missed you! I missed you too, Beulah. This is uncanny! We heard Sam shot you to death. That's what the news reports all said. [Scotty narrating] The truth is, I played dead to make Sam think he really got rid of me. I had no idea the cops would get Sam on a *** charge. If Sam would only come back, tell him I'm sorry for causing him so much trouble. We'll do that, Scotty. A WWW ABC Circle? What does that mean? World War? Wild Whiskey? Weird Willie? Wolf Whistle? Do that to me, Sam, and I'll slap you! Microsoft Sam! In the flesh! This is unreal! We saw your execution. How could you still be alive! There was a short-circuit in the electric chair and I was treated in the hospital for severe burns. [Anna] I'm so glad you've come back, Sam! I missed you so much! [Sam] I missed you too. Uh, before we have any more romantic scenes, we've got an ABC logo to do. Thanks, Rhonda. Are you ready, Scotty? Ready, Sam. And I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused you. Apology accepted. SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYY! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaam? Don't say "F-U" to me again! You hear me? Ah, it seems like the good times are back again. Irresistible impulse, Sam. I had to find a way to get back at you for trying to kill me. F-U! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Take it easy, Sam. You know it's only a game. Relax. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM!! RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY, IF YOU MAKE ANY MORE RUDE LOGOS I'LL GIVE YOU A WEDGIE! YOU HEAR ME? BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE!!! [BOOM!!!] Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam! I'm okay, Anna. I just can't help but throw tantrums over Scotty's behavior. [Anna] That's all right, Sam. You need to control your tantrums, or you might destroy yourself. [Sam] Thanks, Anna. Petco. What do you X-L Petco? Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again! Youthinks right, Scotty, but I won't hold that against you. I'm glad to see the two of you are finally getting along. It's almost noon. Let's break for lunch. [Anna] I'm in the mood for lunch too. Wanna go Dutch, Sam? [Sam] I feel like going Chinese myself. [Rhonda Kelly] How about that French restaurant I saw Mike and Mary dine at the other night? [Scotty] That French restaurant? [Rhonda Kelly] Yeah, Scotty. Chez Monyou. [Scotty] Oh bother! Quiet on the set! Roll camera! Cue circle! All right! Who's the wise guy futzing around with the logo? Microsoft Sam! You know I never futz around with circles! The logo is supposed to stop when the music starts, not fly away. In the words of Steve Martin and as quoted by many: well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse meee! The logo goes up, the logo goes down. Maybe we can use it as an elevator. And we can call it "Otis." Otis the ABC logo! Ha, ha, ha! That's not funny, Rhonda. Sorry, Sam. The ABC logo exits, stage left. Does it move to the right? Now cut that out! Watch where that circle lands! Whoever catches it wins a million bucks. Tonight: "Tales of the Runaway Circle." The ABC logo doesn't know where to stop. SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYY! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaam? Yes, I bellowed, Scotty! What did I tell you about futzing around with the ABC logo? Sam, Sam, Sam! I'm not futzing around with the ABC logo! Liar! You are too! [Scotty] I am not! [Sam] You are too! [Scotty] I am NOT! [Sam] You are TOO! [Scotty] I AM NOT! [Sam] YOU ARE TOO! All right, break it up! I've got this ABC logo to run! Don't interfere with my authority, Rhonda! YOUR authority!? This is MY video, capeesh? I get it, Rhonda. But if Scotty keeps futzing around with the ABC logo, he can look for employment elsewhere! Take it easy, Scotty. Don't let it bother you. Relax. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. No no no no no no no no dangit dangit dangit dangit! Microsoft Sam, you know I grew up in a broken home! I'm a citizen and a taxpayer and if you fire me I'll kill myself you *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! [BOOM!!] Scotty! Are you all right? I'm okay, Beulah. It's just that I've got lofty ambitions and I don't like having guys like Microsoft Sam shoot them down. I'm sorry you feel that way, Scotty, but there are certain rules that we have to follow. Don't be too rough on him, Sam. Remember, that's what got you into legal trouble in the first place. Good advice, Rhonda. Let's continue with the ABC logo. [CRASH!] Eee-yowowowowowowowowowowww! What's the matter, Scotty? That goddanged ABC logo landed on my foot! Eee-yowowowowowowowowowowww! Poor Scotty. He hurt his foot. We'll have to get him to the hospital. Oh bother! Now who's going to man the logo? Jimmy and I can handle it, Sam. You know, it's an amazing thing about what's going on with the circle in this video. Yeah, Mike. It went up, down, left side, right side, and all four corners. I wonder where the circle will go next. [Sam] Maybe straight at us? Oh noes! I shouldn't have said that! [CRASH!!] Now look what you did, Hank! What I did!? We worked the zoom together and the circle got away from us! Sam? Are you all right? Did you get the license of that truck? Oh great! Sam got low-bridged by the ABC logo again. C'mon gang, help me pry the circle off of him. [Breaking glass] Look at the set, Michelle. It's falling apart. I agree, Michael. Time to get some Krazy Glue. Oh...where am I? You're going to be all right, Sam. That circle went out of control again and the version has fallen apart. Where's Scotty? He's in the hospital, Sam. He suffered a foot fracture when the circle landed on him. Lucky stiff. I feel like a pile-driver just pounded in my gut. We'll have to get you to the hospital too, Sam. I'm ready to try the logo again. [Rhonda Kelly] Uh, not now, ABC logo. The version has fallen apart. Oh bother! [Rhonda Kelly] We'll all have to take a few days off until we get the version repaired, Sam. [Sam] Owww! [Anna] You're right, Rhonda. We'll have to take Sam to the hospital. [Mike] First Scotty gets injured by the circle, now Sam. When will it end? [Mary] I don't know, Mike. [Rhonda Kelly] Chuck Jones must be turning over in his grave by now. [Anna] He could be laughing, Rhonda. [Mary] Perhaps Sam and Scotty are sharing a room with Daisy Fuentes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Mike] Oh bother! Quiet on the set! Roll camera! Cure the circle! How do you cure a circle? Do circles get sick? That was a slip of the tongue, Scotty. He meant to say "Cue the circle." Well, that's different. I wish I was in Prada, away, away. In Prada I'll take my stand to share the magic. Uh, Scotty? You called, Sam? Why did you put a Prada caption up when this is supposed to be an American Broadcasting Company ident? I thought this was going to be a remake of "Clothing store." So did I, Scotty. It would be fun to see Tom Bergeron and clothes together again. I've been to Prada myself. XD. The caption is laughing. XD! XD! XD! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oakley. Protecting civilians from sportswares. Ha-ha! Very funny! "Oakley." Got any more bright ideas, Scotty? [Scotty] I got a million of them, Sam. Mercedes Benz. Mercedes, get them. SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaaam? Yes, I bellowed, Scotty! Do I have to show you what the circle's supposed to look like? Judas Priest, Sam! You make me feel like I'm in a second-grade classroom! Now look, Scotty. This is the logo that belongs here: the ABC logo. I've got eyes, Sam! Quit acting like such a buttwipe! [Sam] If you call me a buttwipe one more time it's over! Capeesh? [Scotty] Sheesh! [Sam] And shush the sheesh! SCOTTY, YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!!! Fired!? FIRED!? Yes, fired! And this time, it's permanent! [Sam] Get out and STAY out! [CRASH!] Microsoft Sam! You re-hire Scotty right now! Never, Beulah, and that's final! And if I see you anywhere near that dime-a-dozen bum, you're dead! You hear me? D-E-A-D dead! Microsoft Sam! You know I detest violence in the studio! You bring Scotty back right now, or I'll report you to Mr. America! Capeesh? Rhonda Kelly, you don't mean! I do mean. Aaagh! The horror! The horror! There, there, Sam. Rhonda and I will bring Scotty back. Johnnie Walker. The nerve beer of everything. Hello? Mr. America? Why won't you let me fire Scotty for messing up the ABC logos? You don't mean! The horror! The horror! What did Mr. America say, Sam? He said if I kicked Scotty out, he'd nail me to the ABC logo. What a grouch! Well, Sam, it takes one to know one! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh bother! SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! What's the matter now, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam? "Scottyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?" "Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam?" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You don't say "Campbells" to your boss, Scotty! That's insubordination! Take it easy, Sam. You're over-reacting. I'll do what I f-ing well please, Rhonda Kelly! I'm the boss here, and what I say goes! Since when do YOU take jurisdiction over ME in one of MY videos? Don't interfere, you buttwipe! Oooh, what an insult! Microsoft Sam! Stop being such a control freak and leave Rhonda Kelly alone! Okay, Beulah. I know who my boss is. But you're still forbidden to date Radar Overseer Scotty and that's final! Calm down, Beulah. Sam's just over-reacting again. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT! MICROSOFT SAM, IF YOU PUNISH ME FOR DATING RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY I'LL TELL MR. AMERICA ON YOU YOU MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON!!! [BOOM!!!] Beulah! Are you all right? I'm...okay, Scotty. I'm sorry I blew up over Sam's refusal to let me date you. A-ha! Caught you! Get out! You're both fired! Both of you! Out-out-out-out-out! Microsoft Sam, are you nuts? Re-hire them immediately, or I tell Mr. America on you! Never! And for their criminal insubordination, I'm calling the cops! This is all justified, you hear? Justified! Justified my butt! Re-hire them, or I tell Mr. America on you! Take it easy, Sam. This minor disagreement will pass. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM! RHONDA KELLY, I DON'T CARE IF THIS IS YOUR VIDEO AND I DON'T CARE WHAT MR. AMERICA DOES TO ME! I WANT TO HAVE SOME AUTHORITY AROUND HERE AND I SAY STOP INTERFERING WITH WHAT I SAY IS JUSTIFIED YOU BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE!!! [BOOM!!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm okay, Anna. I wish Rhonda Kelly would let me have my way with Scotty and Beulah for once. Don't get worked up over it, Sam. I'm sure Rhonda knows what's best for us. Anna's right, Sam. The issue of Scotty and Beulah staying or going is nothing to throw tantrums over. Will you re-hire them, or shall I call Mr. America? Okay, Rhonda, I know when I'm licked. Scotty and Beulah, you're re-hired. And this time, let's get this ABC ID done right. Roger-dodger! I thought it was "Roger Wilco." Whatever. Gatorade? That's one Gatorade of a picture. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Scotty, but let's try again. The North Face. We beat up the world for you. The North Face beating up the world? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [BUZZER] Oh my goodness! Only five more minutes to go! We only have time for one more try. Well, here goes nothing! Well, we almost got it, but the caption "ABC" should go to the middle of the ABC Circle byline. Righto, Sam. I'll get on it right away. Uh, not now, Scotty. It's clocking-out time. Let's pick it up there in the morning. [Beulah] Cheer up, Scotty. Even the best of them have their bad days. [Scotty] True, Beulah, but I keep thinking of what Sam would do to us if we keep screwing up the ABC ID. [Sam] And I keep seeing myself being nailed to the ABC logo by Mr. America. [Rhonda Kelly] Maybe I can persuade him to not be so rough on you just because you keep fouling up the ABC ID. [Anna] I just got off the phone with Mr. America. [Sam] What did he say? [Anna] He says he promises he won't nail you to the circle as punishment. [Sam] Whew! That's a relief. [Anna] He also promises it won't be any worse than tar and feathers. [Sam] Oh bother! Uh, Scotty? You called, Sam? Did the circle have a change of logo? Tscha! This is a Neutrogena. That explains it. Oneworld. Children of airplanes and native women. Airplane. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Say it again. Chevron. "Thou Art Dust and to Dust Thou Shalt Return." Wikipedia. Our actors good, pictures bad. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Sprite. Anyone who works there must be a Sprite. Especially Microsoft Sam, since he owns the place. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam? You don't call your boss a Sprite! That's insubordination! Do that to me again and I'll give you a wedgie! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Take it easy, Scotty. Don't get upset. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM! NO ONE HAS TO TELL ME TO SHUSH THE SHEESH IF I DON'T WANT TO! YOU HEAR ME? I DON'T HAVE TO SHUSH THE SHEESH IF I DON'T WANT TO! SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH!! [BOOM!!] Scotty! Are you all right? I'm okay, Beulah. Now look what you did, Sam! You made Scotty throw a tantrum! Sorry, Rhonda, but I just don't like being called a Sprite. 7 Up. "The Story of the First Thanksgiving." 7 Up, eh? Just like LH Michael. Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Control yourself, LH Michael. Take a deep breath. Relax. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! MICROSOFT SAM, QUIT CALLING ME A 7 UP! I AM NOT A 7 UP YOU BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD!! [BOOM!!] LH Michael, are you all right? I'm okay, LH Michelle. I don't like being called bad names. My apologies, LH Michael. It was just a joke. And no one but Sam laughed. [Scotty] Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again. [Sam] Youthinks right, Scotty. CNN. This makes me. I'm all for going out to eat when this video is over. How about that CNN, huh? Sheesh! Shush the sheesh! YOU shush the sheesh! Look, Abby, there goes a Circle K. I wish I had one of those Circle Ks. Forget it. I hear they're so small that Beulah barely fit into one. Ain't that right, Fatso? I told you never to call me "Fatso" again! And I MEAN it! Never call me "Fatso" again! Take it easy, Sam. It was only a gut feeling. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM! BEULAH, YOU'RE SUCH AN F-ING BUTTWIPE TELLING ME NOT TO CALL YOU "FATSO!" NO ONE HAS TO TELL ME WHAT NOT TO SAY! YOU HEAR ME? FATSO FATSO FATSO FATSO FATSO FATSO FATSO FATSO! [BOOM!!] Sam, I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I just don't like being called "Fatso." Beulah's right, Sam. You really need to control your habit of calling people names every time you get upset. I see your point, Anna. But you know the old saying: "Old Habits Die Hard." [Devil] You're not just whistling "Dixie," Microsoft Sam! [Dun-dun-dun sound effect] Oh my goodness! It's that infernal Devil and that equally infernal She-Devil! [She-Devil] Why do you always say that whenever we show up? [Devil] The very idea, saying the word "holy" in front of unholy beings like us! [She-Devil] And where did you get the Almighty from? For your information, Mr. and Mrs. Mephistopheles, I got the expression "Oh My Goodness" from ESPN reporter John Buccigross. So THAT'S where he got it from. [Devil] Never mind that. We've come for your souls. ALL of them. [She-Devil] And if God interferes, we will dump all over you. That's disgusting! I agree. Every time you relieve yourselves on us, you make us throw up. And that shows how sick you two really are. So get out of here, or as Jesus put it: "Get thee behind me, Satan!" [Devil] How dare you mention that name in front of us! That's scandalous! Shall we let them have it? [She-Devil] Let's do it! Bombs away! [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP] Gugh! Not again! Eeewww! Eeeeeeeeewwwwww! [Sam barfing] You filthy animals! Eeewww! Eeeeeeeeewwwwww! [Mike barfing] This isn't a rest area! Eeewww! Eeeeeeeeewwwwww! [Mary barfing] You'll get yours one of these days! Eeewww! Eeeeeeeeewwwwww! [Anna barfing] Caught you in the act, Devil and She-Devil! Take that! [BOOM!!] [CRASH!!] I warned those netherworld no-goodniks! And thank God that Sam, Mike, Mary and Anna are clean again. You're welcome, Rhonda Kelly. Hallmark Channel. Somebody get us some ***. Sam needs a truckload of ***. He's a chronic Hallmark Channel sufferer. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM! I DO NOT HAVE ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION, YOU HEAR ME? I DON'T HAVE HALLMARK CHANNEL SO STOP SAYING THAT I DO YOU BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE!! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm okay, Anna. Scotty just needs to stop making crude jokes about my abeutic life. That's all right, Sam. Just relax and you'll be okay. You're right, Anna. I don't have Hallmark Channel... ...but Microsoft Mike does! Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Calm down, Mike. Sam doesn't mean it. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on now. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT! MICROSOFT SAM, I DON'T HAVE ED AND I'M NOT A BUTTWIPE SO STOP SAYING I'M A BUTTWIPE WITH HALLMARK CHANNEL YOU SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN!! [BOOM!!] Scotty! What do you have to say for yourself? Tscha! That wasn't my idea! Then who had the nerve to insult us? It was MY idea to display that message. Your idea? Not Scotty's? That's right. Because you two are always full of BS! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Well, Mike started it! He's a buttwipe! It was Sam's idea! You sonofagun! [Sam] Buttwipe! [Mike] Sonofagun! [Sam] Buttwipe! [Mike] Sonofagun! [Sam] Buttwipe! [Mike] Sonofagun! [Sam] Buttwipe! [Mike] Sonofagun! [Anna] While Sam and Mike are arguing, Mary, let's go on a shopping trip. I've got the CircleMobile up and running. [Mary] I know some really expensive items that we can buy. I have Mike's credit card with me. [Anna] And I have Sam's card. Are you ready? [Mary] Let's go, Anna! Shopping spree, here we come! Places everyone! Roll camera! Shuck the jive! Shuck the jive? It's just an expression, Scotty. I'm not familiar with that one. Let's just get this ident started. Roger Wilco! Uh, Scotty? What's up, Doc? I'm not a doctor and you're not Bugs Bunny. The logo is supposed to display "ABC," not "Looney Tunes." Get it right! They're playing my song again. You always say that when the Merrie Melodies caption appears. I can't help it. It's one of my habits. Scotty's having one of those days again. Scotty IS one of those days! Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Sheesh! Shush the sheesh! Take it easy, Scotty. Don't get upset. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM! NO ONE HAS TO TELL ME TO SHUSH THE SHEESH IF I DON'T WANT TO! YOU HEAR ME? I DON'T HAVE TO SHUSH THE SHEESH IF I DON'T WANT TO SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH!! [BOOM!!] Scotty! What happened to you? He really blew his head off! That's the first time someone's head exploded during a tantrum in my video. We'll have to get Scotty to the hospital to see if we can get him a head transplant. Then who'll man the logo? Hank and I will do it. Then do it! As good as done. Hello Kitty, the call jeans of a TV show in Detroit, Michigan. Also the last TV shows by Sanrio. Not Hello Kitty, ABC. Get it right! Sony Ericcson? What's Sony Ericcson? It's long associated history in the sponsorship of technologies. No commercial plugs in an ident! Sorry about that, Sam. We just have a vintage logo fetish. Stella Artois. God's way of keeping everything from happening at once. What rehires with the commercial plug name? Bring me up the ABC logo! We don't know where that came from, Sam. But we know where it's going. If they don't give me the proper logo, I'll show them where they're going. Budweiser. All the beers that's fit to drink. Is this a studio or a commercial plug? JIMMY AND HANK!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed! Why do you two keep bringing in names of commercial plugs when this is supposed to be ABC? Don't blow a gasket, Sam. Jimmy and I can't help it if we have a nose for commercials. If you two don't stop it, I'll make some commercials with you two buttwipes all right! Sam, leave Jimmy and Hank alone! You know they're trying their very best. Stay out of this, you dummy! Stay calm, Mary. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on. EEE-YOW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W! MICROSOFT SAM, I FORBID YOU TO CALL ME A DUMMY! YOU HEAR ME? I'M NOT A DUMMY YOU MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON!! [BOOM!!] Mary, are you all right? I'm okay, Anna. I just get so p-ed off at Sam for calling me a dummy. I'm sorry, Mary, but it's just my nature. Oh noes! That infernal 1997 Bravo logo from the UK is back! That's right, Microsoft Sam. And this time, I've come for your soul! You can't have it, Bravo UK logo! Jesus is Lord! Jesus is Lord! Stop mentioning that name to me! I'm here on orders of the Devil and She-Devil, since Rhonda Kelly banned them from appearing in this video. They say you're guilty beyond all doubt of unforgivable sins and I MUST take your soul to Satan's Kingdom! You'll never take me alive! Never! If you want Sam, you'll have to get through me first! Don't make me dump all over you! Don't you dare get filthy on us! Take that! [BOOM!!] Thanks, Anna. You've saved my life again. You're welcome, Sam. Bravo, the US version. Two Bravo networks in one day? That UK Bravo network went out of business. It was their ghost that I sent back. Just like Abby's dinner at Chez Monyou. It was so full of bugs she sent it back! Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Take it easy, Abby. Don't get upset. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! MICROSOFT SAM, THOSE WEREN'T BUGS IN MY FOOD! THEY WERE RAISINS! YOU SPRAYED THEM WITH RAID AND MADE ME PUKE YOU MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON!! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Abby? I'm okay, Rhonda. I'm sure Sam didn't mean what he said. I'm sorry, Abby. It was just a gut feeling. In the future, Sam, think twice before making people throw tantrums. The Tantrum Control Task Force is very concerned with the ever-mounting tantrum pandemic. Tantrum pandemic? That's right. I'm the founder and president of the Tantrum Control Task Force, an organization dedicated to combat excessive tantrums throughout the world. Correct, Rhonda. Excessive tantrums are not only bad for grown-up people, but they can also lead to serious health problems. Are you doing a public service announcement in an ABC America 2007 logo blooper video, Rhonda? Sam, this is MY video, remember? I get it, Rhonda, but aren't you risking trouble with the Tantrum Alliance? I've heard of them. The Tantrum Alliance is dedicated to seeing to it that as many excessive tantrums as possible occur. They must be a threat. Indeed they are. So if you're concerned about the tantrum pandemic, just write to: Now that's an organization I'd want to be involved with. Scotty! You're back! And they restored your head! It wasn't too hard. They just drew a new one on. How about continuing with the ABC ident? Sure thing, Sam. Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Scotty. Guinness. So much to see this logo provokes one of beer. What did I tell you about commercial plugs? Ease up on them, Sam. It's been a very trying day. I agree. Let's break for lunch. Places, everyone! Roll camera! Spare no expense! Did I hear someone say "spare no expense?" That was me, Scotty. Okay, I'll run the logo. Warren? Who is the Warren? That reminds me of the late Chief Justice Earl Warren. I didn't know he had any brothers. Not "Warren," "ABC." Werner? Maybe they were rocket scientists, like Dr. Werner von Braun! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! SCOTTYYYYYYYYY! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaam? Yes, I bellowed, Scotty! It's ABC, not Werner! A-B-C! Picky, picky, picky. Wiener. I guess Oscar Mayer has stiff competition. Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener. No commercial plugs in an ident, Hank. In the words of Steve Martin: well excuuuuuuuuse meee! That joke is so old, they told it to Moses. Don't step on my line, Rhonda! It's MY video, Sam! Winner. They never lose because they're always winners. However, Germany was sunken of this tournament. RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!!!!! Fired!? FIRED!? That's right, fired! I've had it with you! [Sam] Out you go! [CRASH!] [Sam] And don't come back! Now you've done it, Sam! Bring Scotty back! Never! And that's final! Okay, Sam. If that's the way you want it... [CRASH!] [Rhonda Kelly] Microsoft Sam, you're FIRED! Jimmy, you man the logo. Will do, Rhonda. And Hank, bring Scotty back. As good as done. Winter? As opposed to the Summer season? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Wonder. I buy my bread from them. They must really be in the dough! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Wander. Sounds like the name of a travel agency. Anywhere I roam, where I lay my head is home. Wherever I may roam. Warring? Sounds like a sibling ribalry. Or a "sible war." Welcome back, Scotty. We've missed you. I've missed you too, Scotty. I love you. I love you too, Beulah. Aha! Scotty, I thought I fired you. What are you doing back here? Microsoft Sam! I thought I fired you! What are YOU doing back here? Rhonda Kelly, you had no right to throw me out of here and bring Scotty back! I did so! This is MY video, and I have jurisdiction over you! That's what you think! Officer Flanigan? Yes, Sam? Arrest Radar Overseer Scotty. I'm charging him with mutiny. You can't override Rhonda Kelly's authority, Microsoft Sam! I'm innocent! Innocent my behind! You're guilty! Guilty, guilty, guilty! And Officer, have Rhonda Kelly ejected at once! Your wish is my command, Microsoft Sam! [Rhonda Kelly] You can't do this to me! Noooooooooooooo... [CRASH!] [Rhonda Kelly] You can't throw me out of my own video! You'll be sorry! No, I won't! I've assumed legal control in this studio and I say hang Radar Overseer Scotty at once! Get the rope! Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Scotty. Let's try again. Wedgie? They must have skidmarks on their underwear. P.U. Rhonda, I just got a call from Sam in the hospital. He says he's sorry for having you thrown out. What else did he say? He also told me to give you something. Come closer. You have something for me? What is it? It's, uh... ...it's a wedgie. [RRRRRRRRIIPPPPP!!!] [Rhonda Kelly] Ooh! Aaagggghh! Ohhhh! Oh... Oh, Abby. [Abby] You don't mind my giving you one, do you? [Rhonda Kelly] Aside from the fact that I'm gonna be sterile for a couple of weeks, I like it better when you give it to me. [Anna] I would love to give one to Sam someday. [Beulah] And I would love to give it to Scotty. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Scotty] Oh bother! Places, everyone! Quiet on the set! What if I don't want to be quiet on the set? Then I'll get someone else to man the logo. Do you want me to throw a tantrum over it? Do you want me to give you a wedgie? Do you want me to tell Mr. America on you? Touche, Sam! "Touche?" United Airlines, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Enterprise. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds... to seek out new life and new civilizations... and to boldly go where no one has gone before! This isn't United Airlines; this is ABC. I find that highly illogical. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Mountain Dew. They serve fun at Mountain Dew. Also drink. What did I tell you about commercial plugs in an ident? Would you rather go to Chez Monyou? One more commercial plug and I'll send you to the House of Pain! Oh bother! Renault. As opposed to Rolex? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Saaaaaaaaaaamm! Does Oneworld ever show ABC? Tom Bergeron loves to ride on those airplanes. I love your dress, you love my hat, we tawt we taw a puddy tat! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Quit stealing my lines, Rhonda! Microsoft Sam, you're despicable! Now look, Scotty. Like I told you, this is the ABC logo. I've got eyes, Sam! You're always being such a buttwipe! Take it easy, Sam. You have to allow a little levity once in a while. Relax. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM!! RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY, STOP CALLING ME A BUTTWIPE! I AM NOT A BUTTWIPE YOU SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN!! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm all right, Anna. Sorry I blew a fuse again. You know Scotty likes to mess with your head once in a while. I agree, but he should know better than to screw up the ABC logo. [NBC Chimes] No pets allowed on the premises. It's only the NBC Snake, Sam. Next, they'll say "Brought to you in Living---" Don't encourage them! What a revolting development this is. Why get so hyper? Don't you like programs that are brought to you in Living Color? [Announcer (Mel Brandt)] Brought to you in Living Color. NOW CUT THAT OUT!! Poor Microsoft Sam, still hotheaded. I guess I'll have to haul out the heavy artillery. Nice try, Scotty, but you can't scare me with the Viacom V of Doom anymore. Not with the Screen Gems S from Heck either. Nor with the B Backwards-N D Mask of Guo Xiang. You're not even scared by the Klasky- Csupo Robot? Not even by the Klasky-Csupo Robot, Scotty. Let's face it, Scotty. None of those scary logos scares me anymore. Well, what on earth DOES scare you? [Devil] Does THIS answer your question, Radar Overseer Scotty? [ViD Theme] Eek! It's the Devil and the She-Devil again! Lord God, have mercy on us! Please! [She-Devil] Stop mentioning the Almighty in front of us! It makes our tails grow limp! [Devil] We have a bone to pick with Microsoft Sam and his friends! I don't have a dog, Mr. and Mrs. Mephistopheles, and you two hell-hounds beat it! You heard him! You're always barging in here, claiming Microsoft Sam and his friends committed some unspeakable wrong which you never bother to mention because you keep whining about it being a violation of the rules of your realm and acting like your laws are above God's laws! That proves how evil you really are! Oh, Rhonda Kelly! You never run out of flattery, do you? We're not after your souls this time. We just have to ask one question: Why did you re-elect Barack Obama President of the United States instead of Mitt Romney? It's because American voters were sick of the Tea Party. Romney wanted to get rid of the Affordable Care Act, but had nothing to replace it with. And the influence of urban voters was stronger than that of rural voters. And that undid your master plan, so GET LOST! You heard him, hellions! Get lost! Not so fast! We claim Microsoft Sam and his friends have committed gross insubordination against us and You unlawfully interfered! The insubordination charge stems from the fact that we already claimed their souls before You did and their spurning of Romney for Obama proves it! And we have assembled a jury. Viacom V of Doom, how do you find Sam and his friends? Guilty. Screen Gems S from Heck? Guilty. B Backwards-N D Mask of Gio Xiang? Guilty. Klasky-Csupo Robot? Guilty. 1997 British Bravo logo? Guilty. It's a unanimous verdict: guilty as charged of insubordination. This is an outrage! I hereby appeal the verdict to the Lord God Almighty! [She-Devil] We will have the appeal denied immediately! [Devil] And now for the sentence... You will now be pooped on! Five, four, three, two--- [THUNDER!!] Rhonda Kelly's appeal has been heard and the conviction and sentence overturned! Scandalous! Not scandalous! No law of any realm overrides My Authority! Not even a law of your infernal realm! Take that! [BOOM!!] [Devil] You win this time, but we'll be back! [She-Devil] And one day, we will organize a massive army and overthrow Your Authority! [God] Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no! [Devil & She-Devil] Oh bother! Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again! Youthinks right, Scotty. Let's try again. They're playing my--- Don't say it, Mary! Don't interrupt her, Sam! You tell him, Rhonda! That's all folks? It must be getting late. I agree. Ditto. Since it's closing time here, we should go out to eat. Wanna go Dutch? I feel like Mexican. Or maybe Chinese. I was thinking of that French restaurant. What French restaurant? Oh, you know... Oh bother! All right! It's Christmastime! Let's get this party started! Aston Martin has his own movie company? A division of North Pole Enterprises. This week's feature sponsored by Gingerbread House. Show me Santa's helpers, and I'll show you subordinate Clauses! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Evian? I thought it was Santa Claus. He's known as Father Christmas in some parts of the world. Father Christmas and Mother New Year! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Heineken. I'd love to Kringle Dave at Christmas. Oh, Abby! Can't you wait till after this party's over? You know I love you, Rhonda. I love you too, Abby. Red Bull. Another name for Santa Claus. AA BB CC DD EE FF GG HH II JJ KK MM NN OO PP QQ RR SS TT UU VV WW XX YY ZZ. What's that supposed to mean? No L, no L! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Kare 11? Next thing you know, we'll have Yukon Cornelius. Hi gang! Remember me? Guy, my twin brother! Is it really you? Yes, Scotty, it's me. How have you guys taken care of things in the studio? About the same as usual--- ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers and Funny Signs videos. Guy? The old Circle Guy? In the flesh, Sam. My brother Scotty invited me to this party. I've missed the gang since you fired me. No hard feelings, Guy. After all, it is Christmas. Look, Mary. RadioShack. You know what that means, Mike. [Mike and Mary kissing] [Google Translate and Sam kissing] [Beulah and Scotty kissing] [Abby and Rhonda Kelly kissing] [Marley's Ghost] Ebenezer Scrooge! Atta boy, Marley's Ghost! Show Scrooge the error of his ways! I wanna see the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Fuchsia. Past, Present and Fuchsia? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Just kidding. I meant to say "Past, Present and Future." Banana Republic. A Nanook production. [Mike] Merry Christmas, Mary. [Mary] Merry Christmas, Mike. [Anna] Merry Christmas, Sam. [Sam] Merry Christmas, Anna. [Beulah] Merry Christmas, Scotty. [Scotty] Merry Christmas, Beulah. [Abby] Merry Christmas, Rhonda. [Rhonda] Merry Christmas, Abby. And a Merry Christmas to all from Rhonda Kelly Films Inc. Places everyone! Roll camera! That's a bit of a heavy job, isn't it? What's a bit of a heavy job? Rolling a camera! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Rolling in the deep. How do you copy? On a Bentley machine. You? I'd shave a living cell from my skin first. Asics? Do you BM too? Usually in the toilet. Sick! Gross! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] Giorgio Armani. My dear rookstone. It's a store right out of history. Chrysler is everywhere. In the known universe! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam? It's wearing thin, you two. What's wearing thin? You saying "Scottyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" and Scotty replying "You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam?" It's also very annoyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing! And so are you, Rhonda! Consider the source, Sam! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Take it easy, Sam. Don't let it bother you. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM! RHONDA KELLY, I DON'T CARE IF THIS IS YOUR VIDEO! STOP TRYING TO OVERREACH YOUR AUTHORITY YOU BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE!! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm all right, Anna. What right has Rhonda to interfere with my right to impose authority? Just be cool, Sam. Just be cool. Audi. No, Mike, not "Audi" - "Audi Car Dealers." They bring good things to life. What did I tell you? NO COMMERCIAL PLUGS IN AN IDENT!! Take it easy, Sam. Stay out of this, you reprobate! I am not a reprobate! You are too! Reprobate reprobate reprobate reprobate reprobate! Stay cool, Guy. Sam doesn't mean it. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT!! MICROSOFT SAM, I AM NOT A REPROBATE! YOU HEAR ME? I AM NOT A REPROBATE YOU MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON!! [BOOM!!] Welcome to the "I Threw a Tantrum in an ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers Video Club," Guy. Sorry I blew up, but nobody calls me a reprobate and lives. Look, Abby, it's a DSW. What's a DSW? It's a greeting card for someone named Tachi. No, Michael, it's a kind of barbecue grill. DSW. A Japanese electronics firm. SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Not again, Sam! I'm sick of your yelling "Scottyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" all the time! Stay out of this, Rhonda! He's MY responsibility! And this video is MY responsibility, Sam! Will you two please stop bickering? You're making it harder to concentrate on trying to get this ABC logo done correctly. DIDN'T I TELL YOU NOT TO BRING COMMERCIAL PLUGS INTO AN IDENT?! Ease up on them, Sam! Shut up, you buttwipe! Stop calling him a buttwipe, you sonofagun! Scotty and I are only human. I don't care which one of you keeps f-ing up the idents, but I've had it with the both of you! Scotty and Guy, yoooooooooou're fired! Fired!? Fired!? That's right, fired! Get out! Both of you! Out out out out out! Sam, Sam, Sam! How many times must you keep firing people against my wishes? Rhonda, Rhonda, Rhonda! How many times must you keep interfering with what I feel is justified? Justified my behind! You bring Scotty and Guy back here right now! Never! This time it's forever! And if you tell Mr. America on me, I'm going to kill you! You kill Mr. America and you'll be guilty of ***! I don't care! I need to have my rights respected, so don't tell Mr. America on me, you buttwipe! I'm not a buttwipe, you sonofagun! You are too a buttwipe! Admit it! Don't call me a buttwipe again, you sonofagun! Buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! Sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun! Buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! Sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun! [ViD Theme] [Devil] Do you see what I see? [She-Devil] Microsoft Sam and Rhonda Kelly fighting. Not the Devil and She-Devil again! Grab the nearest cross you can find! [Devil] Relax, you two. It's Sam and Rhonda's fighting that fascinates us. [She-Devil] We love a good power struggle. Look here, Mr. and Mrs. Mephistopheles! Sam started it by firing Scotty and Guy against my wishes! He defied my authority! Oh yeah, Rhonda? What did I tell you about overstepping the bounds of your authority? Keep it up, you two! We love it! All the easier to claim your souls for all eternity. You leave Microsoft Sam alone! He's mine! And don't you harm a hair of Rhonda's head! Would we, my pretties? You two would make nice additions to our soul collection. Rhonda, I'm sorry for calling you a buttwipe. I didn't mean it. I'll re-hire Scotty and Guy if you want me to. Apology accepted, Sam. Too late! You belong to us! Surrender while you can, or else we'll poop all over you! Don't you dare get filthy with any of us! Take that! Ha! Feeble powers you have! Let's see how you handle this! [BOOM!!] Oh my goodness, Rhonda! Did you see what the She-Devil just did to Anna? I never thought I'd see the day when Anna is beaten at her own game. [She-Devil] Her own powers can't cope with those of pure evil. [Devil] And now, prepare to be pooped on! [THUNDER!!] You'll do nothing of the kind, Devil and She-Devil! And look what you did to Anna! What we did to her is not of your concern! Begone! You heard him! Get lost, or we poop all over you! Unacceptable! Now you're gonna get it! Take that! [BOOM!!] [LOUD CRASH!] Anna? Are you all right? Don't worry, Sam. I'm okay. I had no idea that the She-Devil had stronger powers than I do. Well, God saved us all and that's important. Amen to that! Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed. Youthinks right, Scotty. You've done it again, Scotty. Rings within rings. I love it! Rings within rings? Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Nice scheme, but I think we should take the rest of the day off. It's been a trying day. [Anna] That's a good idea, Rhonda. [Mary] I'm all for going out to lunch. [Mike] And later to the jewelry store, perhaps? [Abby] Good idea. I'd like to see something in a pearl necklace. [Rhonda Kelly] Or better yet, a string of paloppanies. [Sam] POOOOOOOOOOOOLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO POOOOOOOOOOOONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIES!! Places, everybody! This is a take! If this is a take, what's a give? Good question. Where's Sam? He's usually the first one to appear in these videos. He's in Mr. America's office right now, pleading not to get a beating for these ABC logo bloopers. Anyway, let's get started. Roll camera! Cue the circle! "AAAAAAAAAAABC?" Whoever's in charge of the captions loves A's. I'll bet the A on the computer keyboard got stuck. Next thing you know, it would say "ABCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Rhonda, why do you keep stealing my laugh line? You don't own it, Sam. Good to see you back, Sam. Did Mr. America berate you again? No, Anna. Apparently Mr. America thinks these bloopers are funny. I knew he'd see things our way. Just get to work! Yessir. American American American American American American. 6 Americans are better than one. Broadcasting Company Broadcasting Company Broadcasting Company Broadcasting Company Broadcasting Company Broadcasting Company. All Broadcasting Companies, all the time. Top Ten time! What's your request? Just the proper captions after the circle. And now, the Number One song! SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaaaamm? I said the PROPER captions! After the ABC circle, the logo should display ABC, not just a bunch of A's! Just what the "A" is going on here? If you keep f-ing things up, I'll be sending you to "Heck" all right! [Devil] Did I hear someone saying they'll be sending someone to Heck? [Dun-dun-dun sound effect] Oh no! Not the Devil and She-Devil again! Lord God have mercy! [She-Devil] Relax, you two. We haven't come for you. [Devil] We heard Sam say he'd be sending Scotty and Guy to Heck. We accept. Give them to us. Now. Hold on there, Mr. and Mrs. Mephistopheles! I was only threatening to send them to Heck if they kept screwing up the ABC idents. You infernal monsters always pick the darnedest times to meddle in our affairs, don't you? Oh, Rhonda! Always with the flattery! I love your style. Your temptations are too dangerous, She-Devil! I've got a good mind to tell the Almighty on you! If you do that, we'll poop all over your friends! That sickening act will never go unpunished. [She-Devil] Go away! [Devil] You heard her! Don't meddle in our affairs! I'm warning you two! If you relieve yourselves on Sam and his friends, God will get you good for it! [Devil] Scandalous, and nothing else but scandalous! Shall we let them have it? [She-Devil] Let's do it! Bombs away! [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP] Gugh! You dirty imps! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] I second that reaction! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] You'll pay for this! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] Stop using us for toilets! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] Caught you in the act of soiling Sam and his friends again, Devil and She-Devil! Take that! [BOOM!!] [LOUD CRASH!!] [Devil] Curses! Banished again! [She-Devil] One day we will own Sam and his friends! [God] Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no. Sam and his friends are all cleaned up now. You may resume your video. Thank God! You're welcome. SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! What's up now, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaam? YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED! Fired!? FIRED!? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! MICROSOFT SAM, YOU'VE GOT YOUR NERVE FIRING ME AFTER WHAT WE JUST WENT THROUGH WITH THE DEVIL AND SHE-DEVIL! IF YOU DON'T RE-HIRE ME I'LL KILL MYSELF YOU *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!! [BOOM!!] I don't care! You're still fired! Get out before I call the cops! Out out out out out! Microsoft Sam, are you nuts? Bring Scotty back here right now! Never! And that's final! And if any of you makes a move to bring Scotty back, I'll have you hanged for mutiny! I mean it, Fatso! Mutiny my behind! When I say bring Scotty back, I mean it! And stop calling me "Fatso!" [CRASH!] That's it! Get the rope! YOU will do nothing of the kind, Sam! Apologize to Beulah for calling her "Fatso" and bring Scotty back or you're getting a wedgie! You don't tell me what to do here! That's insubordination! This is MY studio now! Oh no it isn't! It's not Microsoft Sam Films Inc., it's Rhonda Kelly Films Inc. Like heck it is! I should have let the Devil and She-Devil poop all over you when they did it to me, Mike, Mary and Anna! Sam, either you bring Scotty back and apologize to Beulah, or I'll call Mr. America right now and have you impaled on the ABC logo! No more of this bullcrum! I mean it, Rhonda! YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED! You can't fire me! I'm in charge of this video! Screw you, Rhonda! Get the rope! I'm hanging you, Scotty and Beulah for mutiny right now!! A? Department of Repetitive Redundancy Department. BC. Better than ABC in black and white. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! We're getting there, but we should put the circle up before getting to the ABC caption. Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed yet again. Youthinks right, Scotty. Oh fudge! Not again! I know I should be punished. Give me a wedgie or something. Forget it, Scotty, it's a forgivable error. "That's all Folks" should come at the end of the television and not the beginning. I agree, but let's break for lunch before we try again. [Anna] Don't worry, Sam. We all make mistakes. [Sam] I guess you're right, Anna, but I'm afraid of what Mr. America's gonna do to me. [Mike] It's all taken care of. Mr. America loves these bloopers. [Mary] He has an annual blooper reel himself and he wants to include our bloopers in it. [Sam] Yeah, but after those extensive repairs, I'm financially in dire straits. [Rhonda] We'll take care of that too, Sam. Right now, let' s all go out to eat. The tab's on me. [Scotty] Where are we eating, Rhonda? [Rhonda] Where else? Chez Monyou! [Scotty] Oh bother! Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue the circle! Uh, Scotty? Yeah, Sam? Are you futzing around with the circle again? I'm not futzing around with anything! Liar! Are you two at it again? Well, Scotty started it! I did not! You did too! [Scotty] Did not! [Sam] Did too! [Scotty] Did NOT! [Sam] Did TOO! [Scotty] DID NOT! [Sam] DID TOO! Gentlemen, gentlemen... [Scotty] Did not! [Sam] Did too! [Scotty] Did NOT! [Sam] Did TOO! [Scotty] DID NOT! [Sam] DID TOO! Gentlemen, gentlemen! [Scotty] Did not! [Sam] Did too! [Scotty] Did NOT! [Sam] Did TOO! [Scotty] DID NOT! [Sam] DID TOO! CHILDREN, CHILDREN! You tell them, Rhonda! Stay out of this, you buttwipe! Take it easy, Mike. Sam doesn't mean it. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on now. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT! MICROSOFT SAM, STOP CALLING ME A BUTTWIPE! I AM NOT A BUTTWIPE, YOU HEAR ME? STOP CALLING ME A BUTTWIPE YOU SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN!! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Mike? I'm okay, Mary. I just get so p-ed off at Sam's calling me a buttwipe. Forgive Mike for his chronic inability to face facts. And forgive Sam for getting his facts mixed up. Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Marshalls? It may be that department store to buy something. SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYY! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaaam? Not "Marshalls," "ABC!" BC as in Butthead! I am not a Butthead! IBM? I didn't know we were making *** flicks all of a sudden. There's no flick like a dirty flick, especially when filmed in the bathroom. That's what *** flicks really are: a load of crum! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Stop it! You're making me sick! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] Opel? That's what I say. What the logo is going on here? You took the words right out of my mouth, LH Michelle. I can't help it if the circle has a mind of its own, Sam. It's not the circle that's at fault, Scotty, it's you. Start packing. You're fired. I mean it this time. Pack up and leave, or I call the cops and charge you with mutiny. Take it easy, Scotty. Control yourself. Relax. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! MICROSOFT SAM, YOU KNOW DANG WELL MY VALUE TO THIS STUDIO! I'VE GOT A FAMILY TO SUPPORT AND IF YOU DON'T RE-HIRE ME I'LL KILL MYSELF YOU *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!! [BOOM!!] No problem, Scotty. I'll re-hire you if I can find a way to stop Sam from illegally hanging you. No interference, Rhonda! I mean it! Oh bother! Now who'll man the logo? Don't sweat it, Rhonda. Jimmy and I can handle it. Anyone's better than that dime-a-dozen bum. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! Get out! Now! I can take a hint. I know when I'm not wanted. Goodbye forever. Uh, Sam? What's the matter, Rhonda? Sam, the election's over. And besides, you can't win because you may have driven Scotty to suicide. I found this note Scotty left here. What does it say? "Dear Sam, I'm going home to hang myself and you're to blame for my suicide. Goodbye forever. Signed, Radar Overseer Scotty." Oh my goodness! It IS a suicide note! Take it easy, Sam. It was only a firing, not a death sentence. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM! YOU KNOW I HAD JUST CAUSE IN FIRING SCOTTY AND THERE'S NO WAY IN HECK I'LL ACCEPT BLAME IF HE KILLS HIMSELF BECAUSE IT'S JUSTIFIED, YOU HEAR ME? JUSTIFIED JUSTIFIED JUSTIFIED JUSTIFIED JUSTIFIED JUSTIFIED JUSTIFIED JUSTIFIED!! [BOOM!!] [Chris Tarrant] Oh, bad luck! You're wrong! You've lost on the very first question! I'm sorry you go home with nothing! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! I WANT TO BE A MILLIONAIRE! GIVE ME MY MONEY!!! [Chris Tarrant] No! [Shin Kick sound effect] Oh, my shin! [Rhonda Kelly] Okay Chris, give him and Sam a silent treatment. [Chris Tarrant] What happened there? If you're not sure of the answer, then use your life lines. Kodak? They use heavy-duty film. And Beulah should be the star. She's got the wide load for it! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Take it easy, Beulah. Sam doesn't mean it. Relax. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! MICROSOFT SAM, STOP MAKING JOKES ABOUT MY WEIGHT! DO YOU HEAR ME? STOP MAKING JOKES ABOUT MY WEIGHT YOU MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON!! [BOOM!!] Beulah? Are you all right? I'm okay, Abby. I just get p-ed off by Sam's jokes about my weight. I'm sorry, Beulah. I promise never to make jokes about your weight again. I accept your apology, Sam. I wonder where Scotty is. I'll help you look for him. "Marlboro?" Sorry, we're all fresh out! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! One of these days, Mike... Ford. Made for truckers. That's a big ten-four, good buddy. Nescafe? I'm sure glad I'm not one, although occasionally I can really be a dummy. But not even close to Mary. She was born a dummy! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Stay calm, Mary. Relax. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on. EEE-YOW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W! MICROSOFT SAM, DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME A DUMMY AGAIN! YOU HEAR ME? DON'T EVER CALL ME A DUMMY AGAIN YOU MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON!! [BOOM!!] Mary, are you all right? I'm all right, Anna. I just wish Sam never called me a dummy in the first place. I'm sorry, Mary, but old habits die hard. Just like these bloopers. We keep getting bloopers no matter how hard we try to get it right. Need a little help? Scotty! You're back! I'm sorry for firing you in the first place. I'm so glad you didn't kill yourself. I just didn't have the heart to get the rope. Before you two get romantic, we have an ABC logo to do. Roger Wilco! Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again! Youthinks right, Scotty, but let's take the rest of the day off. I'm one step ahead of you, Sam. Whatta you say we go out to eat? I feel like going all out this time. Where are we eating, Rhonda? Where else? [Sam] Oh bother! Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue the circle! SCOTTYYYYYYYYYY! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaam? This is the earliest juncture in an ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers video I've ever heard Sam scream at Scotty. I said cue the circle! The circle! The circle! Gonna lay down my sword and circle. Down by the riverside. I ain't gonna study war no more. I want the circle, Scotty, or else I'll declare war on you! I hate war! Then I'll give you a wedgie. Wedgies suck, Sam. Then I'll FIRE you! And I'll re-hire you and give Sam a wedgie. And I'll throw a tantrum because Rhonda Kelly keeps interfering with what I say is justified. To which I'd reply: "Justified my behind!" You tell him, Rhonda! ...and Scotty, Rhonda and all who defy me will be hanged for mutiny. Listen to Sam rattle on and on. He thinks he really owns the place. So typical of a control freak, carrying on about things that will never happen. Dream on, Microsoft Sam, dream on. They're right, Sam. No sense in getting worked up over it. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM! RHONDA KELLY, I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE THE PRODUCER OF THIS F-ING VIDEO! I'M THE DIRECTOR AND WHAT I SAY GOES YOU BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE! [BOOM!!] [Chris Tarrant] Oh dare, you selected the wrong answer! [Shin kick sound effect] Oh, my shin! [Sam] Actually, I'm right! Tell me I've got the right answer now, or else! [Chris Tarrant] No! [Shin kick sound effect] Oh, my shin! They're playing my song again. Mary, do you always have to say that when they play the Merrie Melodies theme? It's just a habit I have, Beulah. Sounds funny. "Mary Melodies!" Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Not you too, Abby! Sorry, Sam. Laughing like you do must be contagious. Just like the common cold. There's that 1975 ABC logo again. As opposed to the Concrete ABC logo? Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! NOW CUT THAT OUT! Chill, Sam. You don't own any copyrights on that laugh. Don't lie to me, Rhonda! Don't make me give you a wedgie, Sam! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Scotty, come here. [Scotty] What's the matter now, Sam? [Sam] That logo is from 1958 and we're using the 2007 logo version. [Scotty] Well, screw me where the sun won't shine, Sam! I'm not a clock watcher! [Sam] If you don't bring up the proper logo you will wish you were a clock maker! Rayovac. Before they were acquired by Comcast. Rayovac is a battery company, and it's Comcastic! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Not you, Anna! Sorry, Sam. I was only teasing you. I accept your apology, Anna. [Sam] And as for you, Scotty, do I have to show you what logo belongs here? [Scotty] Do you always have to make me feel like a second-grade kid in school? [Sam] Scotty, this is what I want to see belong here: the ABC logo. I've got eyes, Sam! Stop acting like such a buttwipe! DON'T CALL ME A BUTTWIPE, YOU SONOFAGUN! {Scotty] All right, Sam! Now you've forced me to resort to massive retaliation! Scotty, Scotty, Scotty. Sam, Sam, Sam. You know better than to try to scare me with the Viacom V of Doom, the Screen Gems S from Heck, the B-Backwards N-D mask of Guo Xiang and the Klasky-Csupo Robot. They don't scare me anymore. Sheesh! If those logos don't scare Sam, I for the life of me don't know what does! [Devil] Does THIS answer your question, Radar Overseer Scotty? [Dun-dun-dun sound effect] Oh no! Not the Devil and She-Devil again! Lord God, have mercy on us! Please! [She-Devil] Scared you, didn't we, Beulah and Abby? Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [Devil] We meant to scare Sam, but that's a start! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Oh great! Now the Devil and She-Devil are stealing my laugh line! Calm down, Sam. If those infernal imps bother us any further, we'll call on God to deal with them. Stop mentioning the Almighty in front of us! It always makes our tails grow limp! So what if your tails DO grow limp? We call on the Almighty and He'll deal with you just as He dealt with *** and Gomorrah. *** and Gomorrah. I remember those places well. They were our favorite playgrounds until the Almighty ruined it for us. You got that right. Your soul-stealing game has only made you more depraved than ever. I couldn't have said it better myself. You heard it from me, a messenger from God. That's far enough! You and your divine interventions! If you stop us from stealing Sam's soul, we will dump all over you! Don't you dare get filthy with us! We lift our call to God Almighty--- [Devil] Scandalous, double scandalous and triple scandalous! Shall we let them have it! [She-Devil] Let's do it! Bombs away! [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP] Gugh! Not again! Eeeewww! Eeeewwww! [Barfing] You filthy animals! Eeeewww! Eeeewwww! [Barfing] That's your answer to everything! Relieving yourselves all over us! Eeeewww! Eeeewwww! [Barfing] You'll get yours one of these days! Eeeewww! Eeeewwww! [Barfing] Caught you in the act of soiling Sam and his friends again, Devil and She-Devil! Take that! [BOOM!!] [LOUD CRASH!!] [Devil] Curses! Foiled again by the Almighty! We just can't win. [She-Devil] Oh, I think my vertebrae are broken. *** and Gomorrah shall rise again. [God] Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no. Sam and his friends are all cleaned up now. You may resume your video. Thank God! You're welcome. Where's the BC? Back in the hive. Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! It's becoming a pandemic. We found the BC. Where's the A? We used it to retrieve the BC! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... Just be cool, Sam. Just be cool. Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again! Youthinks right, Scotty. Must be another one of those days! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Chill, Sam. You know about free speech. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT! IT'S MY LAUGH! IT BELONGS TO ME AND THE NEXT PERSON WHO USES IT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION I WILL SUE FOR TRADEMARK INFRINGEMENT! IT'S MY LAUGH! MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!! [BOOM!!] Oh Sam, what happened to you? His head just exploded in that tantrum. We'll have to get Sam to the hospital. [Mike narrating] "Microsoft Sam, pushed to the breaking point when others constantly used his signature laugh 'Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl' flew into an incredibly violent tantrum." [BOOM!!] [Mike narrating] "The tantrum caused his head to explode, spewing blood in the process and he was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. Anna tried to keep a straight face, but upon arriving at the hospital, she burst into tears. Mary, along with the doctors and nurses, consoled Anna and assured her that Sam would be okay. Meanwhile, back in the studio, Rhonda Kelly took over the task of directing." Places everyone! This is a take! Your wish is my command, Rhonda, but are you sure Sam's gonna survive? I'm positive, Scotty. Mary and Anna called from the hospital and told me that Sam's getting his new head today. He could use it, Rhonda, because he lost his old one. I've heard of people losing their heads, but I didn't think it was literal speech. "Losing his head." Very funny. But seriously, let's get this show on the road! Roll camera! Cue the circle! Barney Home Video?? Since when did Barney Home Video get involved? I can see it now. This week's episode of "Barney and Friends" hosted by Charlie O'Donnell. Scotty? You called, Rhonda? Since when did American Broadcasting Company merge with Sesame Street? Don't blame me, Rhonda. Jimmy did it. I didn't do it, Scotty. You did too, you buttwipe! If Sam were here, he'd fire you! He's not here, Jimmy. He's getting a head transplant. I think Jimmy needs one too, so he can stop being a total buttwipe. Chill, Jimmy. Scotty didn't mean it. Relax. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM! RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY, DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME A BUTTWIPE AGAIN YOU SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN!! [BOOM!!] Jimmy, are you all right? I'm all right, Hank, but nobody calls me a buttwipe and lives. Illumination Entertainment? Tonight on "Despicable Me:" Guest star Felonious Gru consults the Despicable Me crew on how to build a better trap to catch Victor Perkins. SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY!! You bellowed, Rhonnnnnnnnnnnnnda? Since when did Illumination Entertainment and American Broadcasting Company merge? Answer me now, and if you lie, you're suspended for 6 weeks! I cannot tell a lie, Rhonda. Hank did it. You moron, Scotty! Hank, you're suspended for 6 weeks. Take it easy, Hank. You should be grateful Rhonda didn't fire you. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT! RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY, I KNOW YOU FRAMED ME AND YOU'LL GET YOURS YOU *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! [BOOM!!] Hank, are you all right? I'm all right, Jimmy. Lucky my head's still attached to me. I'm sorry for blaming Scotty for my suspension. I'm lifting it, Hank. I agree that you're lucky you didn't lose your head. Just like Sam did. Microsoft Anna! How is Sam doing? He's just received his new head and the doctors say he'll be okay. I had to calm Anna down. I never say her crying her eyes out like that before. That's because I was afraid Sam had died. I feel much better now. I'm glad he survived. So am I. Now I know how much you love him. And did I hear someone throwing a tantrum just as Anna and I arrived? Oh, Hank was upset when I suspended him for screwing up the ABC logo, so I rescinded his suspension. Good for you, Hank. But I'm sending Radar Overseer Scotty to bed without supper. [Chris Tarrant] I'm afraid that is the wrong answer! [Shin kick sound effect] Oh, my shin! United Airlines. Easy as Southwest Airlines. As simple as Boeing. United Airlines, an airplane company. You and me. SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY!! He's in bed, Rhonda. How DARE he sleep on the job! Go wake him up and tell him to get busy getting this ABC logo right or he's fired! Rhonda, you sent him to bed without supper. I did!? Yes, Rhonda. Remember? He made Jimmy and Hank throw tantrums and you punished him by sending him to bed without supper. Oh bother! Now what do we do? You guys need a little help? Rhonda sent Scotty to bed without his supper. And we need help getting this ABC logo done right. Well, Guy, I guess you'll have to do. Go to it! Roger Wilco! No, Guy, not the Viacom V of Doom! Not the Screen Gems S from Heck! Not the B-Backwards N-D Mask of Guo Xiang! No, no, no! Not the Klasky-Csupo Robot! Now listen! Either the ABC logo follows the circle! All right, all right! Don't get ugly, Rhonda! You're acting like a total buttwipe! All right, Rhonda, don't flame out. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! GUY, IF YOU CALL ME A BUTTWIPE ONE MORE TIME I'LL SEND YOU TO BED WITHOUT YOUR SUPPER YOU BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD BLOCKHEAD!! [BOOM!!] Oh my goodness! Are you okay, Rhonda? I'm...all right, Abby. Well, I never thought I'd see the day when Rhonda throws a tantum in an ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers video. And just what are you doing out of bed, Scotty? I got up when we got a call from the hospital. Any news on Sam yet? The doctor said there's good news and bad news. The good news is that Sam's awake and alert. The bad news is... they gave him the head of a Gorgon. A Gorgon!? Well, the assistant surgeon said it would be better suited for anyone who dated Anna because he thinks she's a harlot. Hold still, Anna. Take a deep breath. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! HOW DARE THAT DOCTOR CALL ME A HARLOT! i AM NOT A HARLOT YOU MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON!! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Anna? I'm all right, Mike. Just wait till I get my hands on the doctor who gave Sam the head of a Gorgon! Did I say a Gorgon? I misheard the doctor. Sam's new head is a normal one. I'm sorry if I made you mad, Anna. It's not your fault, Scotty. I forgive you. Can we PLEASE try to get the ABC logo correct? As good as done, Mein Kapitaen! [Rhonda] "Mein Kapitaen?" NBC? What next? CBC? NOW CUT THAT OUT!! Take it easy, Rhonda. Don't get so hyper. Sam! I'm so glad to see you. I've missed you. I've missed you too, Anna. I'm so glad to be back. And I'm glad they remembered how your head looked. Simple plastic surgery does wonders. How about the ABC logo? Glad you reminded me, Scotty. Roll camera! Cue the circle! Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again! Youthinks right, Scotty. Let's try again. Uh, not now, Sam. We've been suffering greatly when you were in the hospital and we need to take some time off. [Sam] Great idea, Rhonda! This will fit in with the regimen my doctors prescribed. [Anna] And what regimen is it? [Sam] Plenty of rest and relaxation. And above all, I must not let my temper get the best of me. [Mary] You mean you won't throw any tantrums for a while? [Sam] Not for a week, at least. [Mike] Well, it looks like Sam is better with his new head than with his old one. [Anna] And I'll be at his side. He needs all the TLC he can get. [Rhonda] And you know what we missed most, Sam? [Sam] What, Rhonda? [Rhonda] We missed your signature laugh. [Sam] My signature laugh? [Mike] You know, Sam. You usually laugh like this: "Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!" [Sam] Oh bother! Ready, Rhonda? Ready, Sam! Sam and Rhonda are cooperating for once. I guess they decided to put aside their differences. Don't forget: Sam still can't throw tantrums yet. We can pick up the slack for him. Roll camera! Cue the circle! Yuengling? Sounds like fun. Where's the party? Where's the entertainment? Where's the fire? Where's the beef? Here's the beef. This is supposed to be ABC, not Yuengling. Picky, picky, picky. What did you do with the ABC logo? Nothing special. We just took the sting out of it. It's not 2012, it's 2007. Very well, if you want to get technical... "CBA?" Taht erutcip si sdrawckab! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY! Take it easy, Saaaaaaaaaaaam! You're not supposed to throw tantrums yet, remember? Sorry, but these bloopers irritate me. But Mr. America said he likes these bloopers. I forgot that. My bad. Let's march on. Scotty, Jimmy, Hank and Guy! Matthew, Mark, Luke and John! Chill, Sam. Why must you be so angry? Why shouldn't I be? No one says "F-U" to their boss! That's insubordination! Do that once more and you'll all be fired! You hear me? F-I-R-E-D fired! Calm down, Guy. You should be worried about Sam's health. Relax. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! Microsoft Sam, you know you can't get mad because if you throw a tantrum now you might kill yourself! Calm the heck down you *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!! [BOOM!!] Are you okay, Guy? I'm all right, Scotty. I feared for Sam's life when he screamed at us. I'm sorry, Guy, but you should never say "F-U" to your boss. It's kind of funny, you know? Sam screaming and Guy throwing a tantrum in which he warns Sam he'd kill himself if HE throws one! Guy throws a tantrum because he's afraid I'd kill myself if I threw one? Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Now that you mentioned it, it IS kind of funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Blue Moon? Whoever did that must be full of Blue Moon. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Radar Overseer Scotty, so help me... Calm down, Sam! Remember what your doctor said. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... Coors. With a good Coors, the beer can always be refreshing. First Coors, now King Sopers. The atmosphere is really getting electric. I didn't know Coors and King Soopers joined the ABC turf. For those about to commercial plug, we salute you. You shook me all night long. The next person who makes a reference to Coors and King Soopers I will send down the "Highway to Heck!" Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [ViD Theme] Eek! The Devil and She-Devil! Grab hold of the nearest cross! [Devil] Hands off those roods! [She-Devil] You know they cause us great pain! And just what are you two infernal imps doing back here again? Oh Rhonda, you always flatter us! We overheard Sam threatening to send somebody down the highway to heck. We were discussing AC/DC songs. That's one of our favorite bands. "Highway to Heck" has been the number one song in our realm for 33 years. I especially love it when Bon Scott yells my name. He's one of the star attractions in the Dante Lounge in my kingdom. Dante? The one who wrote the "Inferno?" LH Michael and I are ardent fans of classical literature. That's beside the point. Don't you dare harm a hair of Sam's head! And you leave Rhonda alone! He's mine! [Devil] And who's gonna make us? [Chris] What a disaster start, that is the wrong answer! [God] I agree, Chris. I will, you infernal imps! [Devil] Do not interfere with us! We consider it scandalous! [She-Devil] For this we will poop all over Sam and his friends! [THUNDER!] Not in front of Me! Take that, you infernal imps! [BOOM!!] [LOUD CRASH!] [Devil] Curses! Foiled again! [She-Devil] What a hard landing! My spine! My tailbone! My sphincter! Owww! You may resume your video. Good riddance to bad rubbish! [Devil] Oh bother! Love's. "All Washed Up!" Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Don't steal my laugh line! Just be cool, Sam. Just be cool. Uh-oh! Methinks we goofed yet again. Youthinks right, but we can't make Sam angry. And what's wrong with being angry? When you get angry, Sam, you get all worked up. And you try to keep yourself cool, but then you lose it and lapse into a tantrum. And the doctor says a tantrum now might kill you. Just relax and take it easy, Sam. You might be a goner if you threw a tantrum now. You may be right, Rhonda. I've got no reason to be upset. Besides, if you threw a tantrum on a bicycle, you may be a goner with the Schwinn! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! They're right, Sam. Take a deep breath. Relax. Be cool. Uh-oh! Sam, don't do it! Don't throw a tantrum! Your head might explode! Got to...keep it in... Can't afford...to have...my head...explode... Must...keep...control... Uh-oh! Can't...fight it... Got to...let loose... No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum crummity crum crum crum! I can't stand any more bullcrum from any of you, not even my doctors! No one has to tell me not to throw a tantum and I don't care if it kills me you buttwipes buttwipes buttwipes buttwipes buttwipes buttwipes buttwipes buttwipes!! [MASSIVE EXPLOSION!!] SAM!!! He didn't! I'm afraid he did. Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam. Who...what...where am I? You're in the studio, Sam. You just threw an incredibly violent tantrum. Lucky for you, your head didn't explode. My head is...intact? And lucky for you, it is. Tell my doctor I'm sorry I threw a tantrum. Before you screamed at us, I got a call from the doctor saying your head is completely fused to your body and even the most violent tantrum won't destroy it. Whew! That's a relief. What about the ABC logo? Go to it! Tantrums Anonymous. We're all charter members. Tantrums Anonymous is a division of the Tantrum Control Task Force, the organization dedicated to curing people of tantrum addictions. TA has saved 200 lives in the last year alone. Got a tantrum addiction you want to get rid of? Call Tantrums Anonymous, proud sponsor of "ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers!" [Chris Tarrant] Oh no, that is the wrong answer! You just lost 100 pounds! [Shin kick sound effect] Oh, my shin! Places, everyone! Roll camera! Cue the circle! "Ammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmerican?" That's really wwwwwwwwwild! We're just like Steve Martin. A bunch of wild and crazy guys! You said it, Scotty. Who's the wise guy futzing around with the ident? Not me. Not me. First of all, the circle should be the ABC circle, and second, the caption should say "American Broadcasting Company." If Mr. America ever saw this... He'd laugh loud and long! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh bother! "Broadcaaaaaaaaaaaasting?" What next? CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCompany? SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaam? The logo shouldn't say "More Broadcasting's," it should say "ABC!" If you screw it up once more, you're fired! And if you fire me, I'll kill myself! I will NOT be held responsible if you do that! Circle. That's where we had our pictures taken. Do I look all right, Abby? Pretty as a picture, Beulah. That does it! Scotty, yo-o-o-o-o-o-ou're fired! I warned you, Sam! Goodbye cruel world! Put that gun down, Scotty! Killing yourself doesn't solve any problems at all. But Rhonda, Sam just fired me. Where should I find work at this late date? Don't worry, Scotty. I'll re-hire you and make Sam apologize. Not on your life, Rhonda! Scotty's firing is justified, you hear? Justified! Justified my behind! Re-hire Scotty or I'll tell Mr. America on you! Screw it, Rhonda! I'd sooner send the Devil and She-Devil after you! [Dun-dun-dun sound effect] [Devil] You called, Microsoft Sam? [She-Devil] You want us to take Rhonda Kelly's soul to our realm? Oh noes! The Devil and She-Devil again! Save me, Jesus! [Devil] Don't mention that name in front of us! [She-Devil] It always makes our tails grow limp! Now look here, Mr. and Mrs. Mephistopheles! You'd better have, if you'll pardon the expression, a danged good reason for intruding on my video again! We heard Sam say he'd rather send us after you than re-hire Radar Overseer Scotty. And we have a score to settle with you because you refused to show God's Country all covered in poop in one of those Funny Signs videos. That's because all the world's religious leaders would have come down on me like a ton of bricks if I hadn't censored that scene. Which would have made it easier for us to possess the souls of you and your friends. If you don't surrender to us, we will poop all over you and your friends. You'll never get away with that, and God wouldn't even let you. Well said, Rhonda. If I catch the Devil and She-Devil soiling the place, I will bring My Wrath down upon them! [Devil] Scandalous! Shall we let them have it? [She-Devil] Let's do it! Bombs away! [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP] Gugh! Not again! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] Why do you always do this to us? Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] You bring new meaning to the term "foul play." Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] That's just so like you! You always befoul us when you don't get your way! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] Flagrant foul on the Devil and She-Devil! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] You and your nasty defiance of My Authority! Take that! [BOOM!] [LOUD CRASH!] [Devil] Ouch! My sphincter! Owww! [She-Devil] One day we will do to the world what we did to Sion Jones and his friends! [God] Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no. Did the caption guy fall asleep on the keys again? One too many C's in the title. "ABCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!" Now he's got an "A" fetish. He'd better get some WD-40 for his keyboard. "MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMerrie." Oh Rhonda, you flatter me! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! If you flirt with Mary again, Rhonda, I'll punch your lights out! All right, Rhonda, don't lose your mind. You were only reading the caption. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on now! No no no no no no no no! Microsoft Mike, don't you threaten me again! You hear me? You *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***! [BOOM!] Are you all right, Rhonda? I'm sorry, Abby. And I'm sorry too, Mike, for throwing that tantrum. Just remember that Mary is mine, Rhonda. I was only teasing you. I know. Let's march on. How many M's are there in Melodies? I find one ought to be plenty. Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Merrie Merrie Merrie Merrie. Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy. Hands off of Mary! She's mine! Relax, Mike. We were just reading the captions. But I agree that Mary is very attractive. Merrie Merrie Merrie Merrie. Oh, you flatter me! Calm down, Mike. You know they're only teasing you. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on now. No no no no no no no no dangit dangit dangit dangit! You know Mary is mine and if you lay a finger on her I'll tear you apart you buttwipes buttwipes buttwipes buttwipes buttwipes buttwipes buttwipes buttwipes! [BOOM!] Are you all right, Mike? I'm okay, Mary. I should have known they were only teasing me. Melodies Melodies Melodies Melodies. Now that's music to my ears. Looney Merrie? I knew Mary was the romantic type, but I didn't think she was looney! Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Stay calm, Mary. Relax. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Microsoft Sam, don't you call me a looney! You hear me? Don't call me a looney you moron moron moron moron moron moron moron moron! [BOOM!] Are you all right, Mary? I'm okay, Mike. I just don't like being p-ed off by Sam's snide remarks. I'm sorry, Mary. Apology accepted, Sam. Melodies Tunes. Songs, ditties, jingles and fanfares. Take it easy, Sam. Remember, Mr. America likes a good blooper. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! It's not Looney Tunes or Merrie Melodies it's ABC you sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun! [BOOM!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm okay, Anna. These bloopers are starting to get to me. [Anna] That's all right, Sam. You know Mr. America loves them. [Sam] You're right, Anna. Let's keep trying. Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again! [Chris Tarrant] Oh no, that is the wrong answer! You just lost 100 pounds! [Shin kick sound effect] Oh, my shin! [Sam] Chris is right, Scotty. I won't punish you because Mr. America will nail me to the circle if I did. [Rhonda] That's very mature, Sam. However, it's been a trying day. Let's go somewhere to eat. [Anna] Sure, Rhonda. Where do you think we should go? Where else? [Sam] Oh bother! Let's get this show on the road! Where to, Sam? Where to what? Getting this show on the road? Where to? Boston? New York? Chicago? Los Angeles? London? Paris? Rome? Tokyo? Bangkok? One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble. Now cut that out! How about right here in the studio? Good idea, Anna. Roll camera! Cue the circle! SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY!! Saaaaaaaaammm! You put "Vitaphone" where "ABC" should be! Ease up on Scotty, Sam! I think you've been too rough on him recently. Stay out of this, you buttwipe! I'm not a buttwipe, you sonofagun! And I forbid you to call me a buttwipe ever again! Take it easy, Sam. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! Microsoft Mike, accept the fact that you're a buttwipe and if you deny it just once more I'll throw you in jail because you'd be guilty of perjury! You hear me? Guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty guilty! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm all right, Anna. Why doesn't Mike learn to face facts? Because, Sam, just calling me a buttwipe doesn't make it so without showing conclusive evidence to prove it. Besides, no jury in the world would convict me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Touche, Sam! Sheesh! [Rhonda] And shush the sheesh! SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY!! Not again, Saaaaaaaaaaamm! "ABC ABC?" What in the blessed name of J.L. America are you trying to do to me? Sam, I wish you would stop being so rough on Scotty. You know he's trying. Yes, Mary. VERY trying. And you know Mr. America loves a good blooper. Stay out of this, you buttwipe! And if Scotty screws up the ident again, he's fired! And if you fire me, I'll kill myself, and if you deny liability for my suicide, I'll send the Devil and She-Devil after you! You tell him, Scotty! Serves Sam right for calling me a buttwipe! Deny you're a buttwipe, Mike, and you'll be a jailbird! Take it easy, Mike. Sam's just being delusional. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on now. No no no no no no no no dangit dangit dangit dangit! Microsoft Sam, how dare you say I'm guilty of perjury for denying being a buttwipe! You have no proof to back up your claim and no jury in the world would convict me! You hear me? Sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun! [BOOM!!] Microsoft Mike, yoooooooooou're fired! Officer Flanigan? You called, Sam? I officially declare Microsoft Mike guilty of perjury and sentence him to ten years in jail! Lock him up! Microsoft Mike, you're under arrest. Oh bother! Calvin Klein? What kind of a fashion accessory is a Calvin Klein? A fashion accessory that takes one. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY!! YOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!! Fired!? FIRED!? Oh no you don't, Microsoft Sam! Re-hire Scotty now, or else! Or else what? Just "or else!" You can't "or else" me, Rhonda! I don't care if you're the producer of this f-ing video! If you rescind Scotty's firing, I'll charge you with mutiny! You can't override me, Sam! Such charges would only be friviolous! If you don't re-hire Scotty, I'll send the Devil and She-Devil after you! And I'll kill myself, and if Sam denies liability, he'd be thrown in jail alongside Microsoft Mike! No jury in the world would convict me! Don't be too sure, Sam! Now, will you re-hire Scotty, or do I send the Devil and She-Devil after you? Okay, Rhonda, I know when I'm licked. Scotty, you're re-hired. Thanks, Sam. Hello? Precinct 33? I wanna speak with the Chief of Police. What is Mary doing? Don't interrupt a phone call, Sam. She's talking to the Chief of Police. She's trying to get Mike out of jail. Hello? Chief of Police? This is Microsoft Mary. I wish to file wrongful conviction and imprisonment charges against Microsoft Sam on Microsoft Mike's behalf. Aha! Mary, get off the phone! Sam! You can't send Mike to jail without proof! He's guilty of perjury and under sentence! Guy, cut the line! Will do, Sam! Hello? Hello? All right, who cut the line? Microsoft Mary, I told you not to call! Sam, you can't convict and imprison Mike on a perjury charge without proof. You had no proof. He's innocent. Innocent my behind! I forbid you to see Mike ever again! But Sam, I love him! Forget it, Mary! I forbid you to even get near him! He's a lying buttwipe and a criminal! Stay away from him forever and that's final! Stay calm, Mary. Sam's just being stubborn. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on. Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Microsoft Sam, you really p-ed me off! I love Microsoft Mike, he's not a buttwipe and you can't keep him locked up! You hear me? You moron moron moron moron moron moron moron moron!! [BOOM!!] Are you okay, Mary? I'm sorry I blew up, Rhonda. Sam's stubbornness just p-es me off. I'm sorry, Mary, but you just have to face facts. And so do you, Sam. Paramount merges with Americas? Popeye meets Tom Bergeron. Come here, Scotty. What now, Sam? Do you work for Paramount? I should say not. This is ABC, not Paramount. Don't you even think about harming Scotty, Sam. [Sam] Oh bother! Americas and Rankin Bass? Alfonso Ribeiro meets Smokey the Bear. ABC on public television? Well, Bob Saget did some John Fugelsang spots for "America's Funniest Home Videos" in one of these years. PlayStation? Sony really did merge with American Broadcasting Company. No they did not! Sorry, just another minor glitch. Just like when Sam sent me to jail wrongfully. That's right. I called the Chief of Police, cleared Mike of the perjury conviction and overturned his jail sentence. How did you manage that, Rhonda? Very simple. After Sam had Guy cut the land line, I secretly used my cell phone to contact the police station. It sure feels good to be free again. I've missed you, Mike. I missed you too, Mary. Aha! A fugitive! Call the police! I already did, Sam. I told the Chief of Police that you wrongfully convicted Mike of perjury and threw him in jail, then he contacted some lawyers and they freed Mike for lack of conclusive evidence. Why should I show evidence when I know it's an accepted fact that Mike's a buttwipe? Just calling me a buttwipe doesn't make it so! They also fined you $50,000 and warned you to stop indulging in delusions resulting from incessant name-calling. This is an outrage! Rhonda Kelly, I don't care what power you hold over us, but I oughta send the Devil and She-Devil after you for double-crossing me! Don't you dare do that, Sam, or I'll call on God and the Angel to beat them back! You asked for it, traitor! [Dun-dun-dun sound effect] Oh noes! Not the Devil and She-Devil again! Save us, Jesus! [Devil] Don't say that name in front of us! [She-Devil] It always makes our tails grow limp! You infernal monsters! I've got a good mind to call on God to send you back where you came from! Don't listen to Rhonda Kelly's blathering bullcrum! He committed treason against me by freeing Microsoft Mike from jail against my wishes! You say he's a traitor? Now you're talking my language! [Chris] I'm afraid that is the wrong answer! [Shin kick sound effect] Oh, my shin! [Mike] Okay Chris, give the infernal imps to silent treatment. [Chris] What happened there? If you're not sure of the answer, then use your life lines. [Rhonda] Treason, schmeason! Sam wrongfully convicted Mike of perjury and jailed him and I had to prove Mike's not a buttwipe in order to free him. Should we take your statement as a confession to the crime of treason? Yes! He's a traitor and he should be tormented in Heck forever for it! And what about Sam jailing me for denying being a buttwipe without conclusive proof? Good point. Sam and Rhonda now belong to us. And if anyone tries to take them away, we will poop all over them. Not without incurring My Wrath, you don't! [Devil] Scandalous! Shall we let them have it? [She-Devil] Let's do it! Bombs--- [THUNDER] Not in My Presence, you don't! Take that! [BOOM!!] {LOUD CRASH!!] [Devil] Curses! You didn't even give us a chance! [She-Devil] One of these days, you'll let down your guard and no one will stop us from tormenting Rhonda Kelly and his friends! [God] Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no. [Devil] Oh bother! Not Chez Monyou again! Don't worry, Sam. They just went out of business. Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again! Youthinks right, Scotty, but let's try once more. Uh, not now, Sam, it's getting late. Let's pick it up there in the morning. Hey Sam, guess what? What, Rhonda? This is our 50th ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers video! 50! The big 5-0! A milestone in blooper videos! Only a select number of blooper videos live to see a 50th episode. Life begins at 50. 50 is the new 30. In the words of Bob Dylan: "May you stay forever young." I wonder how the person who said "life begins at 50" feels. I'm afraid I can't tell you that, Beulah. Why not, Abby? He passed away at 49. Doesn't the logo have a sense of restaurant anymore? Why not ask it yourself? SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaammm? It's not "Sonic Drive-In," it's "ABC!" Get it right, you noodge! SCOTTY, YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED! Fired!? FIRED!? [Sam] That's right, fired! And this time, it's permanent! [Sam] Out you go! [CRASH!] Microsoft Sam! How DARE you do this to my boyfriend! Re-hire him now! You heard her, Sam! No way, Rhonda! Microsoft Sam, you moron! Bring Scotty back or I quit! Unacceptable! If I see you near Scotty again, I'll kill the both of you! You can't do that, Sam! That's ***! [Sam] Screw it, Rhonda! [Beulah] You put me down! [Sam] Beulah, you're fired! [Sam] Out you go! [CRASH!] Sam's gone crazy! I agree, Mike. No sympathy for Scotty and that's an order! Sam, I'm surprised at you! First you throw Scotty out, then you throw Beulah out. Forgive me, Anna, but it had to be done. HAD to be done? Frankly, Sam, we are outraged! You're becoming a control freak! That's insubordination! You're all fired! Sam, you can't do this to me! I love you! I don't love you anymore, Anna! Get out! All of you! Not again, Sam! Stop being such a control freak! And that goes for you two as well, LH Michael and LH Michelle! You're both fired! Get out! I forbid this, Sam! You too, Rhonda! I'm calling the wagon, Sam! You too, Abby! {Sam] You're all fired! Get out! Out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out! [CRASH!] [CRASH!] [CRASH!] [CRASH!] [CRASH!] [CRASH!] [CRASH!] [CRASH!] [CRASH!] [CRASH!] Now what's this? [RoboSoft 3] It's the ABC logo, Sam. {Sam] The logo should be 2007, not 2000. [Sam] Not "Rally's," "ABC!" [RoboSoft 3] Give me a break, Sam. I'm just a novice at being a circle guy. [Sam] No, no, no! Not "Giant Eagle!" "ABC!' ABC, not Giant Eagle! ABC ABC ABC ABC ABC! [RoboSoft 3] All right, all right! Can I help it if you act childish? [Sam] No! [Sam] No! [Sam] No! No, no, no, no, no! "ABC!" A as in Wisenheimer, BC as in Blockhead! RoboSoft 3, so help me, if you screw up one more time... Must you shout so, Microsoft Sam? Oh, its you, Officer Flanigan. What brings you here? We just got a letter fom the law firm of Shyster & Shyster. What does it say? The court has thrown out your injunction barring Rhonda Kelly, Microsoft Mike, Microsoft Mary, Microsoft Anna, Radar Overseer Scotty, Jimmy, Hank, Guy, Beulah, Abby, LH Michael and LH Michelle from returning here. Remind me to get a new lawyer. The letter also said that not only have you been ordered to re-hire them, but have also been fined $50,000 for being a control freak. What happened there? If you're not sure of the answer, then use your life lines. Take it easy, Sam. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM! WHY CAN'T I WIN A CASE JUST ONCE? I STILL SAY I SHOULD HAVE DOMAIN IN THIS STUDIO! I'M DUMPING MY LAWYERS BECAUSE THEY REALLY ARE SHYSTERS! YOU HEAR ME? SHYSTERS SHYSTERS SHYSTERS SHYSTERS SHYSTERS SHYSTERS SHYSTERS SHYSTERS!! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm all right, Anna. What brings you back here? We won the lawsuit against you. And we hope this teaches you not to be such a control freak, Sam. Lucky we came back when we did. We overheard you throwing a tantrum over the court decision. You should know you can't fight city hall. But you can have a lot of fun trying. And why did you throw us out of here when we did nothing wrong? It's bad enough that you acted like a control freak without trying to use the law for your own selfish gains. I'm sorry I acted that way. If you needed a law to run the place like you were Napoleon, you shouild have run for public office. And if you didn't get enough public support, you would at least have tried your best. We could have made good campaign workers. President Microsoft Sam? How about getting back to business regarding the ABC logo? Great idea, Rhonda! Roll camera! Cue the circle! Well, we're getting close. I agree, Scotty. One more try should do it. Yeah, but it's been a trying day. Let's take off now and go on vacation. [Anna] That's a good idea, Rhonda. [Mary] Where should we go on vacation? [Beulah] Aruba? [Abby] Jamaica? [Jimmy] Madagascar? [Hank] Timbuktu? [Guy] Timbuk 3? [Mike] Timbuk 3? That's a band, not a vacation spot. [Rhonda] I remember Timbuk 3. They had a song called "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades." [Anna] That song fits you well, Rhonda. We're always seeing you in shades. [Abby] It always makes you look cool. [Rhonda] I know. [Sam] So where should we spend our vacation, Rhonda? [Rhonda] Timbuk 4. [Sam] Timbuk 4? [Rhonda] Sure, Sam. It's twice as nice as Timbuktu! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Sam] Oh Skeezix! I feel better than ever now. Do you promise not to act like a control freak again? It's all in the past, Anna. Just remember, I'll always be here to help you. Then let's get things started! Roll camera! Cue circle! Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! What's so funny, Sam? I said "cue circle" and the circle has a "Q" on it! Q Circle? Is that anything like a Q-Tip? Q Circle! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Question Mark? What if Mark has no answer? Now the circle's being emphatic. Exclamation Point! SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY! Saaaaaaaammmmmm! What's with the punctuation marks on the circle? Down dooby doo down down. Comma comma, down dooby doo down down. And I want the proper logo! You hear me? Roger Wilco! Now what's this? You wanted the circle, so you got the circle. But where are the letters? In the mailbox. [Chris Tarrant] What a disaster start, that is the wrong answer! [Shin kick sound effect] Oh, my shin! Serves the host of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire right for saying that people have gaged him wrong answers. I mean, I had actually put the marks on the camera in my class and I think it is awesome. Do you agree with me, Rhonda? You can say that again, Scotty. The mark sponsor rocks! So, I agree with you! And I agree you too, Rhonda! And as for you, Chris will you promise never to say stuff like you've given me the wrong answer? [Chris] No! [Shin kick sound effect] Oh, my shin! RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY!! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? You wanted the letters, you got the letters! Ease up on Scotty, Sam. He's only the lead logo guy, not a mailman. You two stay out of this! And as for you, Radar Overseer Scotty, you know what this means? Do I get a wedgie? Or do I go to bed without my supper again? YOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIIIIIIIIIIRED!!! Fired!? FIRED!? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! MICROSOFT SAM, YOU KNOW I'M IRREPLACEABLE HERE! IF YOU DON'T RE-HIRE ME I'LL KILL MYSELF AND DON'T THINK FOR ONE MINUTE YOU WON'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE YOU *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!! [BOOM!!] Scotty! Are you all right? I'm okay, Beulah. Why is it that every time I get Sam mad, he fires me? I wouldn't sweat it, Scotty. I still love you. And the rest of us will give you all the support you need. If you do, I'll have you all hanged for treason because Scotty's firing is justified! You hear? Justified! Justified my behind! If I catch you acting like a control freak again, I will take no prisoners! You hear me? Oh bother! "Raundry is leddy?" So now you're sending all of your clothes to a Chinese laundromat? Of course. If you don't believe me, just ask Ty. Ty who? Ty Ming! Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Scotty! I thought I fired you! Now get outta here before I have you hanged! Spare that rope, Sam! Scotty, you're re-hired. Thanks, Sion. Take it easy, Sam. Remember, you're not a control freak. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM! RHONDA KELLY, I DON'T CARE IF YOU HOLD JURISDICTION OVER ME! I STILL WANT TO HAVE AUTHORITY AROUND HERE! YOU HEAR ME? YOU BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE!! [BOOM!!] I know somebody who's getting a timeout. Methinks I shouldn't have declared Sam ready to return to work so soon. Youthinks right, Anna. He needs a little more therapy. That's the ABC logo? I don't remember it looking like that in an ident. We didn't say it was THE ABC logo. We said it was AN ABC logo. Not the "1975 ABC logo" again! All right, we'll get a concrete one. And we'll promise not to get our feet stuck. SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY! Not again, Saaaaaaaaaaaam! You tell him, Scotty! If you don't stop interfering, Rhonda, I'll send the Devil and She-Devil after you! You do that, Sam, and I'll call on God and the Angel to beat them back! You asked for it! [ViD Theme] Ye Gads! The Devil and She-Devil! Grab hold of the nearest cross! [Devil] Hands off of those crosses! [She-Devil] You know they make our tails grow limp! If you'll pardon the expression, just what the hell are you two infernal imps doing here again? Oh Rhonda Kelly, must you regale us with this flattery of yours? We heard Microsoft Sam say he'd rather send us after you than cease and desist being a control freak. That's right! And Rhonda, if you call on God and the Angel, I'll have the Devil and She-Devil poop all over you! Subject me to such disgusting treatment again? Not as long as I'm in charge! I'm with Rhonda on this! So am I! So am I! Microsoft Anna! Don't you love me anymore? Oh Sam, I still love you, but you need to calm yourself down before you make these infernal imps relieve themselves on us again. Sam's on our side? We like it! All the more reason to claim him along with Mike, Mary, Anna, and especially Rhonda, whom I'm feeling more fascinated with. You leave them alone, you infernal monsters! Back off, or you'll feel the Wrath of God again! [Devil] That's scandalous, and anyone who denies it is a liar! Shall we let them have it? [She-Devil] Let's do it! Bombs away! [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP] Gugh! They pooped on me again! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] Disgusting, as usual! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] Why must you soil us? Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] All over my good clothes yet! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] You'll get yours one of these days! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwwwww! [Barfing] [Devil] Look at them, all covered in dirt! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [She-Devil] Next time, they'll be branded with the three sixes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You have your nerve, soiling Sam and his friends without just cause! Enough of this insolence, you infernal spewers of waste! Take that! [LOUD CRASH!!] [Devil] Curses! Foiled again! The Almighty would have to do this to us! Ouch! [She-Devil] Oh, our aching sphincters! Owww! Sam, Mike, Mary, Anna and Rhonda are all cleaned up now. You may resume your video. And good riddance to bad rubbish! [Devil] Oh bother! Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again! Youthinks right, Scotty. Let's try it once more. SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! No, Sam! Please don't fire me! I've got nowhere else to go! You asked for it, Scotty! [BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK BONK] Microsoft Sam! Are you out of your mind? Stop bludgeoning Scotty to death! Oh mama! Scotty! Please pull through! I love you! Sorry, but I just don't like having anyone, much less this dime-a-dozen bum, futzing around with the ABC logo. Microsoft Sam, I think you need another timeout. Don't tell me what to do around here, you buttwipe! Calm down, Sam! Dummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-my!! [Anna] I hate to do this, Sam, but it's only for your own good! [BOOM!!] Who... What... What happened? Sorry I had to do that, sam, but you were starting to act like a control freak again. I'm sorry, Anna. I guess I'm trapped in my old ways. Should we try the ABC logo again, Rhonda? Let's wait till tomorrow, Scotty. Places everyone! Lights! Camera! Action! What's the big idea, Scotty? What do you mean, Sam? I see the version, but it does not reproduce the logo. How about that? Maybe the circle's been put out of commission. Probably by those angry mothers who protested the adult content in our videos. Sorry, Ma, but you can't fight city hall. Well said, Rhonda. [Sam] Who asked you, you buttwipe! [Mike] Don't you ever, ever call me a buttwipe again, you sonofagun! [Sam] You never admit the truth, you buttwipe! [Mike] The truth is I never was one, you sonofagun! [Sam] Buttwipe! [Mike] Sonofagun! [Sam] Buttwipe! [Mike] Sonofagun! Potty mouths! That's what you are! Now let's get on with this video! Spotify. What time does music come on? Android. Coming up next: The Battle of the phones. And Radar Overseer Scotty will be seeing stars if he doesn't bring in the proper logo. Why must you threaten me, Sam? I'm just trying to make a living here. WhatsApp? What's that? It's an app device. They show you things to do around the house and in the yard. And you and LH Michelle can come to my house next Saturday and play in my yard. No thanks, Sam. I hate getting topsoil in my ears. Yuck! Take it easy, Sam. You know good help is hard to find. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM! I ASK ONE SIMPLE FAVOR AND I'M TIRED OF HEARING "NO" FOR AN ANSWER! YOU HEAR ME? YOU SLACKERS SLACKERS SLACKERS SLACKERS SLACKERS SLACKERS SLACKERS SLACKERS!! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm all right, Anna. How come I never get any help around the house when I need it? [Anna] Don't worry, Sam. I can do the yard work for you. [Chris Tarrant] Oh dare, you selected the wrong answer! [Shin kick sound effect] Oh, my shin! Disney Interactive? I didn't know the head football coach at Toy Story worked in Pixar Animation Studios too! Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY!! You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaaaam? Come here! [Scotty] What's the matter now, Sam? [Sam] You don't seem to know what logo belongs here, do you? [Scotty] And you can't resist treating me like a second-grader in school, can you? [Sam] This is the logo that belongs here. The ABC logo. [Scotty] Judas Priest, Sam! I've got eyes! Why must you act like a total buttwipe! [Sam] I'm not a buttwipe, you dime-a-dozen bum! Whoa there! Watch the swears! Do you want a bunch of angry mothers taking us to court over the content in this video? Stop interfering, Rhonda, or I'll send the Devil and She-Devil after you! All right, Rhonda, don't blow your stack. You know how to handle situations like this. Stay calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on now! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! MICROSOFT SAM, STOP THREATENING TO SEND THE DEVIL AND SHE-DEVIL AFTER ME EVERY TIME I CATCH YOU ACTING LIKE A CONTROL FREAK! YOU HEAR ME? YOU MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON!! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Rhonda? I'm all right, Abby. I'm just being haunted by this "Sailor Moon Riser" who harassed me on YouTube over how the content looks like in davemadson's LT Bloopers, Elias David's 2014 FWC Bloopers, Sion Jones' PBS 2009 Logo Bloopers and all of my videos keeps "harming her kids." You have nothing to worry about, Rhonda. An unknown YouTube user reported her to YouTube and Google and she'll never bother you again. And don't forget: you have your faithful subscribers to support you. Thanks. I feel better already. HBO. Any relation to the Maltese Falcon? I don't know. I have never seen such a beautiful. Hey, this is not a classic movie. It's a production, as you know in every ABC logo blooper video. Here's lookin' at you, kid. Cannot be. Try to imitate some classic movies. I wonder which actor from a classic movie he'll do next. [ViD Theme] Well, well, well! Look who just crashed the party! [Devil] So, Rhonda Kelly and friends, we meet again. Welly, welly, welly! The king and queen of the underworld invade my ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers video just to stir up trouble. [She-Devil] Oh Rhonda, how you flatter us! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Wellity, wellity, wellity! NOW CUT THAT OUT! Bite your tongue, Sam! You know I brought you into my videos and I can take you out, don't you? Okay, Dad. I'll play ball with you. So Rhonda's acting like a parent to Sam? Then our fun is just beginning. Indeed. Wait till he hears about how we've been getting those little tykes to watch his videos and develop bad habits that drive their parents crazy! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I should have known you two infernal imps were behind those "Sailor Moon Riser" who harasses me on YouTube! I've got a good mind to call on God and the Angel to teach you a lesson! Take it easy, Rhonda. At least when their parents scold and spank them, they can say "the Devil made me do it." Or more accurately, "the Devil and She-Devil made me do it." Are these infernal imps bothering you again? Just being annoying is all. Don't worry, Rhonda. When we're through with these infernal imps, they'll be the ones acting like little kids. [Devil] That's far enough! [She-Devil] Any more of this meddling and we *** on Rhonda Kelly and his friends! That disgusting act is unacceptable! Do that to them and you'll both feel My Wrath again! [Devil] We got dibs on them, and I say your interference is scandalous! Shall we let them have it? Let's do it! Bombs away! [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP] Gugh! Not again! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww! [Barfing] Dump your waste elsewhere! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww! [Barfing] Like in a cesspool! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww! [Barfing] Go back to the sewers! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww! [Barfing] And stop using us for toilets! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww! [Barfing] You infernal overseers of waste mismanagement! Take that! [LOUD CRASH!!] [Devil] Oh noes! Beaten again! [She-Devil] We never get our way with them! Oh, my shattered bones! Owww! Sam, Mike, Mary, Anna and Rhonda are all cleaned up now. You may resume your video. And good riddance to bad rubbish! [Devil] Oh bother! It's a Laugh Productions. Producers of "Hannah Montana." Don't have a TV show, man! Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Tell me not to have a TV show again and I'll make you clean up the barnyard! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww! [Barfing] Just kidding. The Bedford Falls Company. That's a production logo that used a house but it isn't a house anymore. Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again! Youthinks right, Scotty, but let's try it one more time. "ZILTH?" What's a ZILTH? Hey Rhonda, I didn't know there was such a thing as a ZILTH! Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! That's because I made it up, Anna! Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Oh, ZILTH! 
Sam: Hey Rhonda!
Rhonda: What is it, Sam?
Sam: Did you just alter the logo version?
Rhonda: It's a new design I thought I'd try out.
Mike: Looks like a rainbow.
Mary: I love rainbows.
Google Translate: So do I.
Scotty: Eiker Gazillas is at work here.
Jimmy: I didn't know Rhonda hired him.
Hank: Eiker's a good old boy.
Guy: Eiker Gazillas, inventor of the gold keeper.
Beulah: Rainbow version.
Abby: I'd settle for rainbow trout.
LH Michael: "Eiker Gazillas" is an acronym for the colors of the spectrum.
LH Michelle: Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.
Sam: For that we could get sent to prism.
Scotty: Prison, Sam?
Sam: Not "prison," Scotty, "prism."
Sion: I get it. Eiker Gazillas. Gold keeper. Sent to prism. Badabing!
Sam: Roll camera! Cue the circle!
(The ABC logo appears, but the text reads "TJ Maxx.")
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: You want me, Sam?
Sam: I don't really want you, Scotty, but I just need to ask you a simple question.
Scotty: Shoot.
Sam: Am I ever tempted!
Rhonda: Don't try it, Sam. Remember what happened in "Funny Signs: Not a Thru Treet?"
Sam: I get it, Rhonda, but why does the caption read "TJ Maxx" instead of "ABC?"
Scotty: Gimme a break, Sam! At least I got the circle right!
(The ABC logo appears again, but the text reads "Marshalls.")
Mike: Marshalls?
Mary: The department store? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(The ABC logo appears again, but the text reads "Wikipedia.")
Beulah: Wikipedia.
Abby: An encyclopedia is Wikipedia-worthy.
Mike: By the way, when are we getting an encyclopedia?
Sam: The Academy would never give an encyclopedia to Microsoft Mike because he's a buttwipe! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Mike: Stay calm, Mike. 
It's just a joke. 
Stay cool. 
Uh-oh! 
Tantrum coming on now! 
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, CEASE AND DESIST CALLING ME A BUTTWIPE RIGHT THIS MINUTE
YOU SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN!!
*BOOM!*
Chris Tarrant: What a disaster start, that is the wrong answer! (Shin kick sound effect) Oh, my shin!
Beulah: Whatever Chris, and as for you Mike, keep cool.
Abby: We'll help you up right away.
(The ABC logo appears again, but the text reads "YouTube.")
Sam: And I say Microsoft Mike really is a buttwipe, and if he denies it once more, he's fired! You hear me? F-I-R-E-D fired!
Rhonda: Calm down, Sam! You have no evidence to back up your claim, and Mike is right when he says he's not a buttwipe!
Abby: I'm with you, Rhonda!
Beulah: So am I.
Anna: So am I.
Mary: So am I.
Sam: This is mutiny! Get the rope!
LH Michael: Why, Sam?
LH Michelle: Just because you keep calling Mike a buttwipe doesn't make it so.
Scotty: Well said, Michelle.
Jimmy: And you know something, Sam? You're becoming a real control freak.
Sam: Jeez! I've never seen so many mutineers in this studio!
Hank: Mutineers?
Guy: Since when does Microsoft Sam think he can play Captain Bligh to a bunch of Fletcher Christians?
Rhonda: This isn't the HMS Bounty, Sam, so wake up from your delusions and apologize to Mike for calling him a buttwipe.
Mike: Do what Rhonda says, Sam. This is his video and his world; we're just living in it.
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
You know Mike and Rhonda are right.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM!
RHONDA KELLY, I DON'T CARE IF THIS IS YOUR F--ING VIDEO
AND I DON'T GIVE A CRUM ABOUT WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS OF MICROSOFT MIKE!
IT'S MY LIFE AND WHEN I SAY MIKE'S A BUTTWIPE I MEAN IT!
BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE!!
*BOOM!*
Rhonda: Poor Sam. I think he really needs professional help.
Anna: I agree, Rhonda. He's becoming too rough for us to handle.
Rhonda Reading: Anna took Sam to her clinic for extensive therapy while the ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers continued...
(The ABC logo appears once again, but the text reads "Neutrogena.")
Scotty: "Neutrogena?"
Guy: That's an insult! We're not wussies.
Jimmy: In Sam's mental state, he'd think we are.
Hank: What's his mental state? Bombed?
Rhonda: Boiled!
Mike: I knew Sam would flip out someday.
Mary: He's gone insane.
(The ABC logo appears yet again, but the text reads "Hitachi.")
Rhonda: Hitachi?
Mike: Like Sam?
Mary: Sam's not wicked, just mad.
Rhonda: Mad as the Devil?
(The Devil and She-Devil show up in the ABC logo version with the VID Theme accompanying them.)
Devil: Did somebody call my name?
She-Devil: And where is Microsoft Sam?
Beulah: Oh noes! The Devil and She-Devil again!
Abby: Lord God, have mercy on us!
Devil: Why do you keep mentioning the Almighty in front of us?
She-Devil: You know it makes our tails grow limp!
Rhonda: Now look here, Mr. and Mrs. Mephistopheles! Sam's in psychiatric care right now, being treated for his chronic delusions.
Devil: Sam's gone mad? Good! He'll be the person I'd want to lead my armies into battle against the Almighty!
Rhonda: You know you'll never win, no matter how many times you claim to have the power to do it.
She-Devil: Oh Rhonda, I love it when you regale us with your flattery. You're my kind of person. 
Abby: Hold on there, She-Devil! You leave Rhonda Kelly alone! He's mine!
She-Devil: You don't know who you're dealing with, bimbo!
Abby: Don't call me a bimbo!
She-Devil: I see you need something to calm you down. Let's see you handle this!
(Abby releasing power to the She-Devil)
*B-B-B-BOOM!*
Devil: Good shot, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Hey, I'm an unnatural.
Devil: Let's let the rest of them have it!
She-Devil: I agree with you! Bombs away!
(CENSORED)
*PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP*
Mike: Gugh! Not again! Eeeewww! Eeeeewwwww!
*Mike barfing*
Mary: That's your answer to everything! Relieving yourselves all over us! Eeeewww! Eeeeewwwww!
*Mary barfing*
Rhonda: Disgusting, depraved and despicable! That's what you are! Eeeewww! Eeeeewwwww!
*Rhonda barfing*
Angel: Rhonda's right. That display is disgusting, depraved and despicable.
God: Take that, agents of waste mismanagement!
(God releasing his power to the Devil and She-Devil)
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!*
(Devil and She-Devil falling back)
*CRASH!*
Devil: Ouch! Beaten again! I must have been born to lose!
She-Devil: Our greatest chance to win foiled! Oh, our aching sphincters! Oww!
Angel: You're all cleaned up now and you can resume your video.
Rhonda: Thank God!
God: You're welcome, Rhonda.
Beulah: Are you alright, Abby?
Abby: Who... What... Where am I?
Beulah: You're in the studio. Everything's gonna be all right.
Abby: Thank God!
God: You're welcome, Abby.
Devil: Oh bother!
(The ABC logo appears yet again, but this time, the text reads "eBay.")
Scotty: eBay?
Beulah: I'd love to go on eBay with you, Scotty.
Rhonda: Perhaps after we finish this video.
(The ABC logo appears yet again, but this time, the text reads "Flying J Travel Centers.")
Jimmy: Flying J Truck Centers?
Hank: What we stop at a truck stop when it's cool.
Guy: If Sam were here, he'd speak of another kind of wind breaker. [BOOSH!}
Abby: Eeeww! Go clean yourself up, Guy! [BOOSH!] Uh-oh! Spoke too soon again.
(The ABC logo appears yet again, but this time, the text reads "Jeep.")
Mike: Jeep?
Mary: Everything but Harvey! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(The ABC logo appears one last time, but this time, the text reads "Febreze.")
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again.
Rhonda: Youthinks right, Scotty. I wonder how Sam is doing.
Anna: They're treating him well in the psychatric hospital. The doctor recommended he take a short sabbatical from these videos.
Mike: Shouldn't you be there to give him therapy?
Anna: My license just lapsed.
Rhonda: Sorry to hear that, Anna. We'll take good care of you until Sam recovers.
Anna: Thanks, Rhonda. I feel better already.
Mike: So do the rest of us, except for Guy and Abby.
Beulah: They've caught Montezuma's Revenge.
Scotty: Which means bed and bathroom for at least 24 hours.
Rhonda: Pugh! Then let's take a few days off ourselves while they fumigate the place.
Anna: Good thinkin', Rhonda!
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue the circle!
(Looney Tunes)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: What's up, Sam?
Sam: The logo is supposed to display "ABC," not "Looney Tunes." We are not with davemadson at the moment.
Scotty: Tscha! I'm wrong number then!
Mike: He's got a point, Sam.
Sam: Don't encourage him, Mike!
(Merrie Melodies)
Mary: They're playing my song again.
Rhonda: Do you always have to say that when the "Merrie Melodies" caption appears?
Mary: I can't help it, Rhonda. It's one of my habits.
Anna: And you know what they say: "Old habits die hard."
Sam: And so do logo operators who constantly futz with the ABC logo.
Scotty: Sheesh!
Sam: And shush the sheesh!
(Wayfair)
Jimmy: Wayfair?
Hank: What is this?
Guy: I had commercials by that name, but they had to be put to sleep.
Rhonda: Why is that, Guy?
Guy: Illness and fatigue.
Sam: Guy's neighbors got sick and tired of them! Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Guy: Chill, Guy.
It's only a sick joke.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, I LOVED THOSE COMMERCIALS SO STOP HATING ON ME
YOU MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON!!!
*BOOM!!*
(HSN)
Beulah: HSN?
Abby: More like a TV network! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam?
Sam: Yes, I bellowed, Scotty! Since when did HSN appear in an ident? He worked for commercial plugs, not American Broadcasting Company!
LH Michael: He worked in a urinal? That's gross!
LH Michelle: I agree, Michael. Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
*LH Michelle barfing*
Sam: Now look here, Scotty! Tom Bergeron, John Fugelsang, Bob Saget, Daisy Fuentes and Alfonso Ribeiro are America's Funniest Home Videos characters, but HSN is not!
Scotty: In the words of Steve Martin: well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse meee!
Chris Tarrant: Oh dare, you selected the wrong answer! [Crotch kick sound effect] Oh, my shin!
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY, YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? Fired!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, IF YOU DON'T RE-HIRE ME I'LL KILL MYSELF AND DON'T THINK FOR ONE MINUTE YOU WON'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE
YOU BALDY BALDY BALDY BALDY BALDY BALDY BALDY BALDY!!
*BOOM!!*
Sam: Bullcrum! Your ouster is justified and I forbid you from coming back here again! I mean it! Out you go! 
[CRASH!]
Rhonda: Microsoft Sam! What did I tell you about being a control freak?
Sam: Sorry, Rhonda, but Scotty's becoming too much of a buttwipe! 
Rhonda: Do you want me to tell Mr. America on you?
Beulah: You'd better do as Rhonda says, Sam. Scotty and I love each other too much.
Abby: I just got a call from Scotty saying that if he's not allowed back here, he'll resort to drastic measures.
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
You know you shouldn't be a control freak.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM!
RHONDA KELLY, I DON'T CARE IF THIS IS YOUR F--ING VIDEO AND I DON'T GIVE A CRUM IF SCOTTY KILLS HIMSELF!
IT'S MY LIFE AND I GOT A RIGHT TO DO WHAT I WANT TO DO
YOU MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON MORON!!
*BOOM!!*
Anna: Sam, are you all right?
Sam: I'm all right, Anna. Why did I fire Scotty for messing up the ABC logo?
Anna: Don't worry, Sam. You know Mr. America likes these bloopers. If you want, we can bring Scotty back here.
Sam: Thanks, Google Translate. I feel so much better now.
Rhonda Reading: Later, after Sam and Anna brought Scotty back...
(Viacom V of Doom)
Scotty: How do you like them apples, Sam?
Sam: Nice try, Scotty, but the V of Doom doesn't scare me anymore.
(Screen Gems S from Heck)
Sam: Not the S from Heck.
(BnD Mask of Guo Xiang)
Sam: Not the Mask of Guo Xiang.
(Klasky-Csupo Robot)
Scotty: Not even the Klasky-Csupo Robot, Sam?
Sam: Not even the Klasky-Csupo Robot, Scotty.
Scotty: Oh coccyx!
(Prada)
Beulah: Look, Abby. It's the Prada logo.
Abby: I've never seen that one logo in an ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers video before.
Sam: Oh waiter, I'll have a bowl of Split soup to go! Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(The Angry P-Head!)
Rhonda:: Heavens! It's the first time that the Angry P-Head appears in my video!
Angry P-Head: That's right, Rhonda Kelly!
Sam: AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!! Not the Angry P-Head! No no no no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooooo!!
Angry P-Head: Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Mike: That infernal logo must have come straight from Hell. 
Mary: I agree. It's even scarier than the V of Doom, the S from Heck, the Mask of Guo Xiang and the Klasky-Csupo Robot all rolled into one.
Anna: So what brings you here, Angry P-Head? 
Angry P-Head: I have an urgent message for Rhonda Kelly from the Devil and She-Devil.
Rhonda Kelly: The Devil and She-Devil? Why, we banned them from here!
Angry P-Head: I know that, you buttwipe!
Sam: Stop calling my friend a buttwipe!
Angry P-Head: Never mind! The message regards the Devil and She-Devil's ban from Rhonda Kelly Films Inc.
Scotty: So what does it say?
Angry P-Head: The Devil and She-Devil claim their ban from Rhonda Kelly Films Inc. is unconstitutional and demand to be allowed back.
Rhonda: That claim is frivolous and I can easily call on God and the Angel to beat them back.
Angry P-Head: And if you don't allow the Devil and She-Devil back, they will send scary logos to poop all over you, starting with me.
Sam: Disgusting!
Anna: You know you can never win.
Angry P-Head: Shut up! You asked for it! Bombs away!
(CENSORED)
*PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP*
Sam: Gugh! Not again! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeeewwww!
*Sam barfing*
Rhonda: You filthiest of the filth! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
*Rhonda barfing*
Anna: How dare you relieve yourself on Sam and Sion! Take that!
(Anna releasing his power to The Angry P-Head)
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!*
Angry P-Head: Curses! You win this time, but we'll be back for revenge!
God: And they'll have the Angel and I to protect them.
Angry P-Head: Oh Fallopian tubes!
Scotty reading: Later, after Sam and Rhonda washed themselves clean...
(Big Hero 6)
LH Michael: Did you watch Big Hero 6 yesterday morning?
LH Michelle: Yeah. It was cold as a brass monkey.
(ABC 1972)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again.
Sam: Youthinks right, Scotty, but let's try once more.
(That's all Folks!)
Rhonda: We almost got it, only the body of the television is missing.
Anna: Maybe we should call in a detective.
Rhonda: A detective?
Anna: Yeah, Rhonda. To search for the missing body! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Welcome to the club, Anna!
Rhonda: Well, it's lunchtime. I'm all for going out to eat.
Mike: So am I.
Mary: Me too.
Scotty: So where are we eating?
Rhonda: I hear that French restaurant has re-opened and is under new management.
Sam: What French restaurant?
Rhonda reading: CHEZ MONYOU!!!
Sam: Oh coccyx!
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue the circle!
(American Brass Company)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: You called me, Sam?
Sam: I didn't call you Sam. I'm Sam.
Rhonda: It seems to me I've heard that line before.
Sam: You misspelled the caption below the circle. It should say "American Broadcasting Company," not "American Brass Company."
Mike: American Brass Company?
Mary: I wish I had one of those.
Anna: So do I.
Beulah: So do I.
Abby: So do I.
Sam: B-R-O-A-D-C-A-S-T-I-N-G, not B-R-A-S-S, you dig?
Scotty: Hey man, you're a real cool cat!
Sam: Uh... yeah.
(American Bris Company)
Jimmy: American Bris Company?
Hank: I didn't know Mr. America was jewish! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Guy: Oy vey!
(American Bries Company)
LH Michael: American Bries Company? So Mr. America has a cheese shop now?
LH Michelle: Personally, I could go for a Monterey Jack or a Swiss.
Sion: Me, I'd settle for good old Wisconsin cheddar.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: Why must you mock me, Scotty?
Scotty: I already know what you're gonna say, Sam. These bloopers are getting cheesier every day.
Sam: You better hope you're not getting what I will give if you keep f--ing up the captions, Scotty.
Scotty: Oh, so it's all about me, huh? That's not Gouda! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Oh Stilton!
(American Briss Company)
Mike: American Briss Company.
Mary: We can almost feel the spirit of Daisy Fuelges with us now.
Sam: Scotty, come here.
Scotty: What did I do wrong this time to merit punishment from you, Sam?
Sam: The caption should read "American Broadcasting Company," not "American Broadcasting Criss."
Scotty: Sam, why are you always treating me like a little kid?
Sam: Because you're always acting like one, you dime-a-dozen bum!
Scotty: I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum!
Sam: You are too a dime-a-dozen bum!
Scotty: I am not!
Sam: You are too!
Scotty: I am not!!
Sam: You are too!!
Scotty: I am not!!!
Sam: You are too!!!
Sion: Break it up you two, and let's get on with this ABC logo!
(American Blues Company)
LH Michael: I got the American Blues Company. I feel so blue.
LH Michelle: Because Sam berates Scotty and we're crying "boo-hoo!"
LH Michael: Sometimes we don't know what to do.
LH Michelle: Because Sam keeps firing Scotty and making us all blue.
Rhonda: That's why we've all got the American Blues Companyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Yeah!
Chris Tarrant: Oh no, that is the wrong answer! You've just lost 100 pounds! [Shin kick sound effect] Oh, my shin!
(American Bass Company)
Jimmy: American Bass Company? You mean ABC has merged with Rankin-Bass?
Hank: Tom Bergeron meets Smokey the Bear.
Guy: And Alfonso Ribeiro meets King Kong.
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY!! YOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
Sam: Yes, fired! I've had enough of you! Out you go!
[CRASH!]
(American Boss Company)
Mr. America: Attention! Paging Microsoft Sam! Paging Microsoft Sam!
Sam: This is Microsoft Sam. Who's calling?
Mr. America: This is Mr. America.
Sam: What do you want?
Mr. America: Did you just fire Radar Overseer Scotty again?
Sam: Yes I did, sir, because he keeps f--ing up the ABC logo.
Mr. America: Re-hire him immediately!
Sam: With all due respect, sir, I'll never bring that dime-a-dozen bum back here, and that's final!
Mr. America: If you don't re-hire Radar Overseey Scotty, I'll have you impaled on the ABC logo!
Sam: Stay calm, Sam.
The big boss is talking to you.
Keep
your
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
coming
on!
EE-YOW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!
MR. AMERICA, CAN'T YOU SEE I'VE GOTTA HAVE SOME AUTHORITY AROUND HERE?
I STILL SAY RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY IS A DIME-A-DOZEN BUM, YOU HEAR ME?
HE'S A BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!!!!
*BOOM!!*
Mr. America: Throwing tantrums over it won't help, Sam. Now, bring Radar Overseer Scotty back at once, and that's an order!
Sam: Yessir. Buttwipe!
Mr. America: I heard that!
Sam: Sheesh!
Mr. America: And shush the sheesh!
(American Boos Company)
Beulah: American Booze Company?
Abby: Well, when Mr. America dressed Sam down, he sure sounded drunk! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Rhonda: Not B-double O-Z-E, B-double O-S.
Abby: Sorry, Rhonda.
(American Bees Company)
Scotty: American Bees Company? They must have come from the hive! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Beulah: Hey Scotty, do you know about the birds and the bees?
Scotty: Well, they both have wings.
Abby: And if we had wings, we'd all fly like eagles.
Sam: Oh to fly like an eagle to the sea.
Mike: And let my spirit carry me.
Scotty: It's hard to soar with eagles when you're surrounded by a bunch of turkeys.
Sam: Of which Microsoft Mike is one! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Mike: Take it easy, Mike.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
coming
on
now!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, I AM NOT A TURKEY SO STOP CALLING ME A TURKEY
YOU DIRTY BIRD DIRTY BIRD DIRTY BIRD DIRTY BIRD DIRTY BIRD DIRTY BIRD DIRTY BIRD DIRTY BIRD!!!
*BOOM!!*
(American Blitz Company)
Mike: American Blitz Company?
Mary: What's an American Blitz Company?
Anna: It's a steady onslaught of ABC logo versions! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Rhonda: And the result of Mr. America nailing Sam to the ABC logo because of the way he treats Scotty.
Sam: Don't mention that to me, Rhonda. It makes my skin crawl!
Scotty: Like a scary logo?
(Two Headed P-Head)
Sam: AAAAAAAGGGHHH!! Why does the Two Headed P-Head appear in this video? We are not with davemadson!
Two Headed P-Head: I came to comfort down the videos of Rhonda Kelly.
Rhonda: You?
Two Headed P-Head: Yes, I did.
Anna: What brings you here, Two Headed P-Head?
Two Headed P-Head: I've come for Microsoft Sam's soul.
Sam: You can't have it! Never in a million years!
Two Headed P-Head: Since Rhonda Kelly banned the Devil and She-Devil from appearing in his videos, they organized the Legion of Scary Logos.
Anna: "Scary" is right! How dare you scare Microsoft Sam!
Two Headed P-Head: That Sam is afraid of us proves his guilt. He is to be taken to Satan's Kingdom for eternal torment right now!
Sam: What!? Eternal torment? No no no no no no no no no no no no no no nooooooooooooooooooo!!
Two Headed P-Head: If Sam doesn't surrender, I will poop all over the lot of you!
Anna: Don't you dare get filthy with us! Take that!
[Anna releasing power to the Two Headed P-Head]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
Anna: There's no need to worry, Sam. I sent that Two-Headed P-Head back where it belongs.
Sam: Thanks, Anna. You saved my life again.
(American Looney Tunes Company)
Jimmy: American Looney Tunes Company.
Hank: Isn't Scotty jumping the gun a little?
Guy: Better than jumping the shark.
(American Merrie Melodies Company)
Mary: They're playing my song again!
Sam: Oh, stop it!
Mary: Stop what, Sam?
Sam: Every time the Merrie Melodies caption appears, Microsoft Mary always says "They're playing my song again!" It's just too annoying!
Rhonda: It's not annoying, Sam. Mary just feels like saying that.
Mary: That's true, Rhonda. It's a habit I just can't get rid of.
Sam: So get rid of that habit, you dummy!
Mary: Take it easy, Mary.
Sam doesn't mean it.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM!
MICROSOFT SAM, I FORBID YOU TO CALL ME A DUMMY AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME?
YOU BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE BUTTWIPE!
*BOOM!!*
Mike: Are you all right, Mary?
Mary: I'm all right, Mike. Sam's calling me a bitch just pisses me off.
Sam: I'm sorry, Mary, but I just can't help it.
Google Translate: Just because you called Mary a dummy doesn't make it so, Sam.
Sam: I get it.
(American That's all Folks! Company)
LH Michelle: American That's all Folks! Company.
LH Michael: "An Evening at McDonald's."
Sam: Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Rhonda: Lunch!
Beulah: Good! I'm hungry.
Abby: So am I.
Scotty: So am I.
Anna: Wanna go dutch, Sam?
Sam: I thought you'd never ask.
Rhonda: And Scotty's buying for the rest of us.
Scotty: Oh splatter!
Sam: Places everyone!
Rhonda: Good morning to you, good morning to you.
Mike: We're all in our places.
Mary: With bright shiny faces.
Anna: And in Mr. America's good graces.
Scotty: Microsoft Sam's all aces.
Jimmy: A timeliness no one erases.
Hank: What's with all the poetry?
Guy: A prose is a prose.
Beulah: A prose by any other name would sound as sweet.
Abby: Whisper sweet nothings to me, Rhonda.
Rhonda: After this video, Abby. I promise.
LH Michael: We have promises to keep.
LH Michelle: And miles to go before we sleep.
Sam: If I may continue...
Rhonda: Go ahead, Sam. Nobody's stopping you.
Sam: Roll camera! Cue the circle!
(ABC)
(American Broadcasting Company) 
BOOM!!
(B)
( m r c n r d c t g m p n y)
Mike: Oh my good ness! Did you see that, Mary?
Mary: That's the first time I've seen the ABC logo explode.
Anna: And it blew some of the letters on the captions away.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: You bellowed, Saaaaaaaaaaaam?
Sam: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
Sam: Yes, fired! Blowing up the circle was the last straw!
Scotty: I didn't blow up the ABC logo, Sam!
Sam: Don't you dare lie to me! Out you go!
[CRASH!]
Mr. America: Attention! Paging Microsoft Sam! Paging Microsoft Sam!
Sam: This is Microsoft Sam.
Mr. America: This is Mr. America. Report to my office on the double! And that's an order!
Sam: Yessir. Buttwipe!
Mr. America: Shut up and get in here right now!!
Chris Tarrant: What happened there? If you're not sure of the answer, then use your lifelines.
(Haagen-Dazs)
Jimmy: Look, a Haagen-Dazs!
Hank: Don't eat it, Jimmy! It's full of ants!
Guy: And Beulah just ate one of those chocolates!
Beulah: You mean there were ants in that chocolate? Sick! Gross! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Beulah barfing]
(Ben & Jerry's)
Abby: Ben & Jerry's!
Rhonda: "Ice Cream!"
Abby: Yes, Rhonda. Ben & Jerry's. Ice Cream.
Rhonda: Two of them and it would be Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream.
LH Michael: Daisy Fuentes, Bob Saget's after you.
LH Michelle: Alfonso Riberio, if he catches you, you're through.
(Saturn)
Mike: Saturn. The car following Lincoln.
Mary: And preceding Mercury.
Anna: Don't you know that Sam doesn't like having commercial plugs in an ident?
Jimmy: He's not here, Anna.
Hank: He's in Mr. America's office right now.
Guy: What did Sam do wrong now?
Rhonda: Mr. America's upset at Sam firing Scotty again.
Anna: I hope he's not too rough on him.
(Cisco)
Beulah: Cisco hits the spot.
Abby: I'd allergic to Cisco. What next? Spectrum?
(Spectrum)
Rhonda: NOW CUT THAT OUT!!
Anna: Take it easy, Rhonda. You're starting to act like Sam.
Rhonda: Which reminds me: where is he?
Scotty: He's still in Mr. America's office.
Beulah: Scotty! You're back!
Abby: We thought Sam fired you.
Rhonda: Yeah, but when Mr. America called Sam into his office, I called a lawyer and got him to rescind Scotty's firing and bring him back.
Scotty: Thanks, Rhonda.
(Honeywell)
Jimmy: Honeywell.
Hank: The kitchen that moves.
Guy: I thought it was cooking kitchen. I used it in the dressing for the salad that Abby had for dinner last night.
Abby: Don't remind me, Guy! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Abby barfing]
Rhonda: Has anybody seen Sam lately?
(Nailing Sam to the ABC logo)
(Jarring Chord)
Rhonda: SAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Anna: What happened to you, Sam?
Sam: Mr. America nailed me to the ABC logo.
Scotty: Oh my goodness, Sam! Are you all right?
Sam: I thought I fired you, Scotty. What are you doing back here?
Rhonda: I rescinded his firing and brought him back.
Scotty: You had it coming for kicking me out of here one too many times, Sam.
Sam: If I had my strength back, I'd have you nailed to this circle. Now will you please free me?
Anna: Keep cool, Sam.
Rhonda: We'll have you freed in a jiffy.
(Maytag)
Beulah: Maytag.
Abby: They're the guys who run YouTube.
Sam: Thanks for freeing me, but Scotty, may I ask you a question?
Scotty: Go ahead, Sam.
Sam: Why the heck did you come back here anyway??
Rhonda: Because I rescinded Scotty's firing and re-hired him, that's why! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
Remember who's in charge here.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM!
RHONDA KELLY, I DON'T CARE IF THIS IS YOUR F--ING VIDEO
AND I DON'T GIVE A RUM ABOUT WHAT MR. AMERICA DID TO ME!
IT'S MY LIFE AND I'M GETTING RID OF THAT LAWYER BECAUSE HE'S A SHYSTER, YOU HEAR ME?
SHYSTER SHYSTER SHYSTER SHYSTER SHYSTER SHYSTER SHYSTER SHYSTER!
*BOOM!!*
Chris Tarrant: I'm afraid that is the wrong answer! [Shin kick!] Oh, my shin!
Sam: Actually, I'm right! Tell me I've got the right answer now, or else!
Chris Tarrant: No! [Shin kick!] Oh, my shin!
(Devil and She-Devil)
(ViD Theme)
Devil: Get away from him, Chris! Surprise, Rhonda Kelly and friends!
She-Devil: You didn't expect to see us back here again, did you?
Rhonda: The Devil and She-Devil!? Why, we banned them from here! What are they doing back?
Devil: For your information, Rhonda, the ban on us from appearing in your videos has been rescinded.
Rhonda: Rescinded!? What kind of shyster would pull that crazy stunt?
She-Devil: We're only here because this "shyster" challenged the ban in court.
Devil: And he succeeded in inserting an emergency clause stipulating that if Sam or anyone else throw any more tantrums, the ban would be null and void.
She-Devil: And when we heard Sam throwing a tantrum over the issue of Scotty's employment here, it canceled the ban.
Rhonda: Take it easy, Rhonda.
The legal process is a complicated one.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, I KNOW THIS IS ALL YOUR DOING!
TELL THAT SHYSTER LAWYER WHO RESCINDED THE BAN ON THE DEVIL AND SHE-DEVIL COMING BACK HERE THAT HE'S FIRED, YOU HEAR ME?
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!!*
Angel: Are you all right, Rhonda?
Rhonda: I'm mad at that shyster lawer who allowed the Devil and She-Devil to come back here, that's all.
God: If they do anything to you, they will feel My Wrath.
Devil: Rhonda throws a tantrum over our being allowed to return here and fires his lawyer?
She-Devil: That's music to our ears. Now we can do to them whatever we want to do.
Devil: Shall we let them have it?
She-Devil: Let's do it! Bombs away!
(CENSORED)
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Sam: Gugh! Not again! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww!
[Sam barfing]
Mike: That's what got you two banned from here! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww!
[Mike barfing]
Mary: Why can't that ban be permanent? Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww!
[Mary barfing]
Anna: I second that sentiment! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww!
[Anna barfing]
Rhonda: And I'm appealing the rescinding of that ban! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww!
[Rhonda barfing]
Angel: This act is disgraceful!
God: How dare you relieve yourselves in My Presence! Take that!
[God releasing power to The Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devil and She-Devil falling back]
*LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Curses! Foiled again!
She-Devil: Where is that shyster lawyer? We wanna hire him to prevent the ban from being reinstated.
Angel: You're all cleaned up now and you may resume your video.
Rhonda: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Devil: Oh bother!
(ABC)
(American Broadcasting Company)
LH Michael: Look, Michelle. Do you see what I see?
LH Michelle: After thirteen years, they got the ABC logo right for once.
Sam: We did it!
Scotty: Oh, it was nothing.
Jimmy: What do you mean "nothing?"
Hank: Another series of bloopers, we have waited more than thirteen years to finish doing things right.
Guy: After all we've been through, we deserve a happy ending.
Beulah: This calls for a special celebration!
Abby: Let's all have a party!
Mr. America: Congratulations! You've gotten the ABC logo right for once!
Mike: Thank you, Mr. America.
Mary: It's nice to get something right for a change.
Anna: I agree.
Mr. America: I've got to leave on a big business trip, but you guys can party till the cows come home.
Sam: Thank you, Mr. America.
Rhonda: Let's all go out to celebrate getting the ABC logo right!
Scotty: Where are we going, Rhonda?
Rhonda: Where else?
Rhonda reading: CHEZ MONYOU!!!
Scotty: Oh coccyx!