Persona BLEACHED 2: Part 4

Chapter 4: The Girl in the Hornet's Nest
June 24, 2024
(Note: This chapter is told from Rin's perspective.)
Whenever I think about the time I got to spend with Miko, my mind always jumps back to the summer of 2024. To the cabin on Mt. Shirayuki, where most of my most precious childhood memories were forged.
Uni was done for the summer, and me, Rose, and our roommate Miko decided to spend a week in the mountains, for our own reasons. I still remember that week as being so magical. Given everything I know now, I can easily describe that week as being one of those theme park rides that brings you up and up and up...
And then everything comes crashing back down.
---
June 24 was a peaceful, relaxing day. I was sitting on the bench next to the cabin door, sipping tea and reading. I come here for the peace and quiet. Helps to get the creative juices flowing. Rose comes out with a tea glass and sits next to me. She loves the flowers out here. Usually she'll take some back with her for the shop, especially the crimson-colored ones. Back then I was still oblivious, because I thought for sure she'd prefer blue...
In any case, she asks me if I've seen Miko around. As if on cue, out from the bushes pops the curly-haired, bespectacled figure of our own Miko Sakaki. Army-style boots, butterfly-patterned shirt and purple jacket. She was, as always, dressed like she was going on a hike.
"Good morn', my idle swarm!" she exclaimed, startling both of us. "While you all have been sipping on liquid honey, I've been searching for my newest life companion! Behold!" Out she brings a small plastic box, and in that box sits a monster of a giant hornet. "Say hello to Suzi! Ain't she precious?" "Precious nothing, we are NOT bringing that monster in the house!" Rose yelled. "Hey, she can hear you, y'know!" Miko replied.
I ask her why it is that whenever she feels like bringing in a new "pet", it always has to be dangerous. I ask if she remembers Ditko-san the Red-Legged Tarantula, because our cat most certainly does. "That was on me for getting one of those American ones that like flinging their hair. Maybe ol' Momo should've watched where she was going." "She was SLEEPING." Rose retorted. I reassert that we're drawing the line at giant hornets. "Aw, come on, I'll cover her stinger up and only open the cage when you're not around. Pleeeeease? We already have a connection..."
I've learned by now that saying no to Miko on matters of bugs is easier said than done. She'll probably find a way to sneak it in even if we stay saying no. Her pets usually don't live very long, anyway. Ditko-san aside. I tell her if I sense even the vaguest threat from Suzi the Hornet I'm swatting away. Rose shoots me a look of disbelief. Miko starts jumping up and down clasping the container, probably the closest one could get to hugging a hornet.
Miko was, to put it lightly, a bug fanatic. She looked at things like wasps and centipedes like anyone else would look at a dog or a cat. Living with her is...was...like having an on-hand device for spewing random facts about bugs. The most incredible thing being that I can't recall a time she ever spoke a trivia fact that she had talked about before.
Thinking back on that beaming, leaping image, I can barely believe that this same girl had been "raised" by the most inattentive household you could think of. Or that I had first met her during my brother's incident four years prior, when I stopped her from wilfully taking her own life, due in large part to that same so-called "household". It wasn't long after the foiled suicide attempt that I reached out to her, and we clicked almost instantly.
There was no sign here of the horror that the next few months would bring. All that was here was pure joy, the most pressing issue being having to decide on exercise routines for a hornet. Just a happy little hive. But like most hives, sooner or later, something comes around to disrupt it.
...I'm sorry. I need to stop for a minute.
---
Alright, I'm okay.
Suzi the Hornet had been in our house for about a week at this point. Miko had kept true to her word to keep her in her cage. Me and Rose were eating in the dining room. I get an alert on my phone. I let out a shriek of excitement. I hurry to show Rose the picture from Hiyoko. JoJo had finally proposed. Took the stubborn mule long enough, in my eyes.
While we fussed over the announcement, Miko came in to grab a drink. "Buzzy, buzzy, buzzy." she chimed to herself. She grabbed a bottle of water and went back to her room. "Hey, what do you girls think of me having Suzi on my shoulder like a parrot?" she called out. "That depends. Can you teach her to talk?" Rose joked. "I take that as a personal challenge." Miko replied.
A few minutes later, we started hearing the coughing. It went on longer than most coughing fits do, especially since Miko wasn't sick. We went to check on her. She was in the bathroom, coughing up her water. She put up a smile. "Heh, don't mind me. Just doing my best mizugumo impression. Bell-forming's not going too hot." she joked. "Miko, that sounded painful. Didn't seem like a spider impression." Rose said. "I'm telling you, it's fine. All in the name of sci--" She coughed up more water. She plomped down on the floor. 
I ask if she's sure she's alright. "Seriously, don't get so buzzy. I just swallowed it wrong, that's all." "Maybe you're just exhausted. You've been spending all hours of the night with that wasp. I can get you something to eat--" Rose started. "I'm not hungry." I remind her that she's been repeating as much for the last few days. I suggest we go see a doctor. She stares daggers at me the minute I utter the "D" word. Her parents--or rather, the home sapiens that birthed her--are doctors. She didn't want to go anywhere near a hospital or doctor's office for fear of running into them. I assure her the office near the house is safe. I wear her down and she agrees to go see the doctor.
---
The look on Miko's face is still seared into my mind.
Nothing can prepare you for when the doctor tells you to sit down, then drops that word that changes the fabric of your life entirely. I still can't bring myself to write the word. But you've probably guessed that it's six letters long, starting with "c".
I held her hand. It was shaking, and cold to the touch. A week ago she was gushing about her new yellow-and-black friend. Thinking about their plans for the future. Now she was thinking that she might not be part of that future.
The mass was blocking off part of the hole leading from her stomach to the intestines. It explained her loss of appetite, and why she kept coughing up her water. She asks how long she has. The doctor insists he can't predict that. She never asks about possible treatment. She's seen it before. When we got home, I asked her why she wouldn't take it. "I'm probably not gonna make it anyway. You saw the size of that thing, yeah? Why delay the inevitable? And besides..." She gave me a wink. "Tons of bugs don't even last a year. I can live it out firsthand!" I would've chided her for that if I didn't see the tears welling in her eyes.
Our friends start offering any help they can. Tenko, of course, volunteers for 24/7 care. Jin tries to brace us for what's coming. "My dad went through this. I'm just warning you now...nothing good is coming. None at all." he tells me. He wasn't wrong.
I try contacting her parents. She tells me not to bother. Every attempt at contact goes unanswered. "Always too busy for a daughter." she said. How can doctors sworn to do no harm be this uncaring towards their own flesh and blood?
Rose and my mom take up the brunt of her care, especially when school starts up again. I debate holding off a semester but Miko won't allow it. "Don't put off your future for my sake, Rinnie. Not for someone who doesn't..." She wouldn't finish the sentence, but I knew where she was going with it. I tried focusing on school to keep my mind off the turmoil at home, but it only helps so much.
Her weight plummeted. After three months she barely registered 100 pounds. Frequent bathroom trips, even when hardly anything was coming in, were the norm. Even when she became bedridden, she toiled away at projects for Suzi the Hornet. Jugo volunteered to help put together new cages. Even with her health failing, she focused on that little hornet. Still had time for random bug facts. Still tried to be as Miko as she could be.
One day, she asks me to take her to the cabin where she found Suzi. I know she doesn't have long. I ask the doctors if it's alright. Miko calls it her last wish. The doctors relent, but insist we have one of them with us. October 1 was the date. I remember every detail.
It was cloudy. A bit windy. Miko wants to go by a tree. I carry her over and lay her down by a cherry blossom tree. All this time, she's clutching the plastic container. Inside is Suzi the Hornet. Miko decided she wanted to take her home.
Her breathing grows heavy. She tries to give me a smile. "Suzi's been...missing her family. I know she doesn't like...doesn't like being cooped up in there. Hey, Rinnie...I ever tell you why I love bugs? By themselves there's...there's not much to look at. People just step on 'em, swat 'em away...don't pay them much mind at all. But you stop to take a look...they really can be so cool. Alone, they're weak. But when they group up, and make a swarm...they can make such big things happen. Big nests, huge tunnels, giant anthills, beautiful webs...what you can do with people who understand you, y'know?"
I clutch her hand throughout. "Rinnie...when you found me...I was at the bottom. My parents...they never loved me. A kid was never part of their plans. They did enough...to keep up appearances. But I was just...an unwelcome pest. School wasn't different. I was the...the creepy bug girl. Nobody ever really cared what happened to me...then you came along. Saved me from a horrible mistake..." I start to cry. I ask how much of a favor I really did for her, seeing how she was now. She weakly kept her smile. "These four years of having you and Rosie around...meant more to me than the sixteen before. I wish it could've been more, but...alas, the life of a bug is so woefully short..."
She struggled to open the box. I tried stopping her. "She won't hurt me...I know it...we've got a bond..." I sighed, and slowly opened the case, ready to be stung. But no sting came. Something incredible did, however. Suzi flew out of the box, and plopped onto Miko's head. Miko gave a satisfied sigh. "Heh...see that? What did I tell you?"
She closed her eyes. "Thank you, Rinnie. Even for a little bit...thanks for letting me be part of your swarm..." 
Her breathing slowed to a crawl. Her grip loosened. I felt her grow cold. Not long after, Suzi the Hornet flew away. I took that as my cue. I had only, truly wept twice before in my life.
I wept. Sat amongst the leaves and brush, and wept. Four years ago, I'd saved her life in a forest. 
I finally understood why she loved that hornet, and all the bugs before so much. She saw herself in those bugs.
Looked over, misunderstood...and gone far too quickly.
---
I sat in her room, clutching the photo of her. Surrounded by the charts and pictures and models of bugs filling her entire room. It's unchanged from the day she passed. I can never bring myself to alter it in any way. I can feel Rose staring at me.
I ask why she didn't believe me when I said I was fine. "Love, I know how you look when you lie. I was intent on leaving you be, but I can't bear the thought of you suffering alone. I know how special she was to you..." 
I finally drop the veil of strength. "When I saw her in the forest that day, I just...I saw myself in her. Prepared to throw her life away and just needing somebody, SOMEBODY to tell her everything was okay. It was all going so perfect and then...poof. Just like that. And you know what really gets me? That her so-called parents could have the nerve to walk into a room and tell someone they're gonna make them okay...and then toss their own child out the door to suffer and die alone. Even with EVERYTHING we saw in the cognitive world, nothing comes close to the concentrated BULLSHIT of that. I promised Miko right then and there I'd be the kind of adult that wouldn't turn their back on a child in need. I won't fail anyone like her parents failed her..."
I could feel my hand shake, holding onto my glasses...her glasses. My way of letting her see that I would fulfill my promise. I scoffed. "All this power I have...I couldn't do anything to save her. And all anyone would ask is, how am I doing? Why? I'm not the one that withered away and-and-and..." I can feel the downpour coming. "I'm still here...they ask me because...because I'm still here. Papa, Tohru...Miko...and I get asked because I'm still...here..." 
I can see the tears streaming down Rose's face. She sits down next to me. She holds me tightly.
I'm still here.
And as long as I'm still here, I won't fail anyone ever again.
You're still in my swarm, Miko.
I won't fail you again.
---
About a half-hour later I was back sitting on the couch, drinking enough water to ensure I'd be making more than one bathroom trip in the foreseeable future. Rose walked over. "Feeling better?" she asked. I tell her no. She looks to have expected as much. I joke that it only took me a week as a teacher before having a nervous breakdown. Rose just sighed. "At least you're okay enough to be telling jokes."
She grabs my hand. "Come on." I shake my head. "I know it's not comfortable but...you need to remember the fun times. Would she want your thoughts of her to all be sad?" I sigh and tell her no, she wouldn't. "Okay then. Let's go say hi. It's been too long." She pulled me along. When did she become so bossy?
We reentered Miko's room. "Oh, bugs, bugs and more bugs. Usually you'd only have to worry about the things getting in of their own accord, much less having a roommate willingly bringing them in." Rose says. She goes over to Miko's desk. Sitting on top is the plastic tank that held her last companion. "Oh, Suzi. Miko kept to her word, she never stung anyone. I'd like to think she's out there buzzing about, but more likely than not she's long gone by now. Wasps only live for about--" "3 to 5 months, with queens living for about a year." I interrupted. "Hm, yes, that's right. I see her trivia facts are still bouncing around in there. And speaking of which..." She picked up a stack of papers. Page after page of Miko's Random Bug Trivia, all adorned with her own doodles.
"'#107: The Love Bug. Males and females attach themselves to each other after mating, and are known to be nuisances to vehicles passing down highways due to their mildly acidic bodies splattering and being left for over an hour. Possible University of Florida genetic experiment gone wrong???'"
"'235: Brown Recluse Spider. Bite may cause skin necrosis and the bursting of red blood cells. Only bites if directly provoked. Can live on clothes, giving new meaning to the phrase 'fashion kills'."
"'346: Periodical Cicadas. Live underground for amywhere from thirteen to seventeen years, before emerging for a month to mate. Likely done to dissuade predators from relying on them for food. (Are cicadas even tasty enough to wait around a hole for seventeen years? I'll have to look into it...)'"
Rose smiled as we read the notes. "You can just hear her voice reading these off. Her enthusiasm. She saw her bugs the same way someone would see a puppy." She looked over to the corner by the desk. "Oh! How could we forget about him..." Oh, boy. THAT thing.
In the corner was a life-sized model of a man wearing black-and-gold armor vaguely resembling a samurai. Kamen Rider Gaim. The complete suit replica was Miko's prized possession. Her bug fascination extended even to her taste in media, and there was nothing bigger in her heart in that department than Kamen Rider. Gaim was her favorite series by far, and she would spout random plot bits the way she'd talk about bugs. I can just hear her now...
"Okay so Gaim's real name is Kōta Kazuraba and he's part of a dance troupe called Team Gaim that tries to bring joy back into people's lives since everything's really oppressive. You'd really like it Rinnie, their powers are all fruit-themed! Gaim can turn into a melon and roll around!" Et cetera. I did watch it with her on occasion, with Miko filling in any (and I mean ANY) plot pieces I was missing. I enjoyed it well enough, though it was awkward at times from one of the characters being named 'Kaito'. Kaito was my dad's name.
The suit was Miko's passion project. She insisted on me being the model for it after I told her about my stint as "Applerider", a persona I took on whenever I helped out Hiyoko when she was entertaining some kids. She worked on it for months, and she finally had it finished a couple months before that fateful mountain trip. The photo on her nightstand told the story. I was wearing the suit as Miko had her arms wrapped around me, foot popped in the air and all the world's joy on her face. It's probably my favorite picture with her. A shame she never got to wear the suit herself.
I mention as much to Rose. She gives me a light smile. "I suppose now is as good a time as any to tell you about this. I never brought this up given how viscerally you would react to anything involving Miko, but you deserve to know."
She tells me of a time shortly before Miko passed. Rose was changing her bedsheets. She brought up how much she admired the work Miko had put into the suit, and asked why Miko never wore it herself. Miko gave her answer.
"I figured only a real superhero should wear a suit like that...Rinnie...she's my superhero. She saved my life...she deserves to wear an awesome suit like that..."
I'm floored. "I know you, Rin. A mouse could come by and snatch up a piece of cheese and you'd blame yourself for it. You think you saving her in the forest doomed her to more suffering later. I'm telling you that wasn't how she saw it at all. She was grateful for everything you did for her up until her last breath. She loved you, and I know you loved her. And she would want you to remember her for how she was: bright, enthusiastic, and so very unique."
"So please promise me this. Miko was a unique spirit. And right now, you have eight unique spirits eager to learn from you. Look over them. Listen to their problems. Give those unique spirits the love and care they deserve. Do it for Miko. It's easy to be angry about how her life ended, or the mistreatment she endured. You spent four years with a unique spirit. I want that to be what you remember most. Okay?"
I'm rendered speechless. I finally give her a nod, and an "okay". I grab the picture of Miko with me in the Gaim suit. I tell Rose I'm taking it with me. "I'm sure she'd be happy to let you have it." I thank Rose. I tell her how lucky I am to have her with me. She giggles and blushes. "No, my beloved. I'm the lucky one." I go into the drawer where Miko kept her DVD collection, and grab the one labelled "Kamen Rider Gaim: The Complete Series". I'm in the mood for binging.
Right before I close the door behind me, I give the room one more look. "I promise I'll put it back where I found it." I say. 
Everything I do for my students from this day forward, I do it for the unique spirit that taught me to see the beauty in something so fleeting.
I'll make you proud, Miko. I love you.