Homie the Clown/Quotes

:Homer cannot get the image of Krusty's Clown College out of his mind. He sees a clown that looks like Lenny dancing to circus music
:Lenny: Hey, Homer, the section you're supposed to be monitoring is on fire!
:Four clowns tumble into room to clown music
:Homer: Clowns are funny.
:Performing clowns transform into Charlie and three other men who are aflame
:Co-workers: AUGH!!! HELP US!!!
:The four than turn back into clowns.
:Homer: (chuckles to himself) Clowns are funny.
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:Krusty asks each of his students at clown college where they are from.
:Man #1: Georgia.
:Man #2: Texas.
:Man #3: (also wearing a cowboy hat and speaking with a Texan accent) Uh... Brooklyn.
:Man #4: Russia.
:Man #5: New Hampshire.
:Homer: Homer.
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:Homer is reading billboards.:
:Homer: "This year, give her English muffins." Whatever you say, Mr. Billboard. "Best in the West." Heh-heh-heh. That rhymes! Pfft! "Clown college?" You can't eat that.
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:Homer has completed all his courses at Krusty's Clown College and is dressing in a Krusty costume for his commencement
:Bart: Wow, I'm sorry I doubted you before, Dad.
:Lisa: If there had to be a bastardized version of Krusty, I'm glad it's you.
:Homer: Thanks, honey. Bank shot! [bounces seltzer off Bart's cheek and onto Lisa]
:Lisa: Wow! You have a good aim, Dad.
:Homer: Well, it was my major.
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:Krusty: OK, we'll start off with the baggy -- what? [sees Homer, whose pants fit him perfectly] Those are supposed to be baggy pants! BAGGY!!
:Homer: Ooh. I've never had a pair of pants that fit this well in my life.
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:Krusty: OK, memorize these funny place names: Walla Walla. Keokuk. Cucamonga. Seattle --
:Homer: [laughs] Stop it, you're killing me! [laughs more] Seattle!
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:Krusty: Welcome to the noble family of skilled Krustaceans. You will now go back to your home towns and do kids' parties, swap meets, and all the other piddling crap I wouldn't touch with a ten foot clown pole. Now, come and get your cat skins -- err, I mean, uh, sheepskins.
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:Homer: (swipes the diploma) Got it! No shock for me! Hee-hee-hee-hee! (running away)
:Krusty: Oh yeah?!
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:Kwik-E-Mart. Homer is dressed as Krusty.
:Homer: (gasp!) You mean I get 5% off on everything in the store just because I look like...?! I mean, just because I AM Krusty the Clown?
:Apu: How could I charge full price to the man whose lust for filthy magazines kept me in business during that first shaky year? By the way, here is your new issue of Gigantic Asses.
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:Krusty has just undergone plastic surgery.
:Krusty: GAAAH!!! (turns to reveal his face) I look exactly the same, you moron!!
:Doctor: Oh, nonsense, Krusty. You look at least 10 years younger. Plus, I did your breasts.
:Krusty: Does anyone hear me complaining about the breasts? Oh, what's the use in hiding? I gotta go back to Springfield and face the music. Can you loan me bus fare? (the doctor puts the money bill on Krusty's breast) Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
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:Luigi Risotto: You don't want to sit with the rest of this scum.
:(people get mad)
:Luigi: I only consider you scum-a compared to Krusty.
:(people forgive him)
:Luigi: Yeah, you see how you scum.
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:Dick: Let's walk and talk. I, uh, I have some wonderful stories about other famous people that include me in some way.
:Homer: Er, can't, I'm wanted over at a rodeo.
:Dick: Hey, me too. We can go together.
:Homer: Um...no, I'm going a different way than you, Dick.
:Dick: Your...churlish attitude reminds me of a time I was having dinner with Groucho and--
:Homer: Look, you're going to be having dinner with Groucho tonight if you don't beat it!
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:Homer gets abducted by Fat Tony due to his resemblance to Krusty
:Homer: But wait! You can't kill me for being Krusty! I'm not him! I'm Homer Simpson!
:Fat Tony: The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?
:Homer: Uh, actually, my name is Barney, Yeah! Barney Gumble!
:Legs: The same Barney Gumble who keeps taking pictures of my sister?!
:Homer: Uh, actually, my real name is, uh -- think, Krusty, think. -- Joe Valachi!
:Louie: The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the Senate Committee about Organized Crime?!?
:Homer: Benedict Arnold!?
:Legs: The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender West Point to the hated British?!?!
:Homer: D'OH!!!
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:Legs: I'm seeing double! Four Krusties!
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:Don Vittorio DiMaggio: You have brought great joy to this old Italian stereotype.
:Legs: No, no, Don Vittorio. You're not...
:Don Vittorio DiMaggio: Yes, I am. I know it. I am.
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:Bill (Accountant): (to Krusty during a basketball match) Let me get this straight: you took all the money you made franchising your name and bet it against the Harlem Globetrotters?!
:Krusty: Oh, I thought the Generals were due!
Category:Episode Quotes