Starting With A Bang

Starting With A Bang Is The First Episode Of Total Drama: All-Star Champions
== Transcript ==
Chris - (Sing-Song) It’s Back! (Normal Voice) That‘s Right! Total Drama Has Come Home! After So Long, The Show Where People Compete For 1 Million Dollars Has Been Renewed! And As The Controls Again Is Me! Host With The Most, Chris McLean! To Avoid Revealing Any Spoilers, Let’s Just Started, Right Here, On...Total! Drama! ALL-STAR CHAMPIONS!!!
I Decided To Extend The Theme Song Because I'm Thinking Of This Season As The Finale To The Show. The First Verse Of The Song Goes Through The Whole Saga. Here Are The Lyrics:
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be
And now I think the answer is plain to see
I Wanna Be Famous
I wanna live close to the sun
Well, pack your bags 'cause I've already won
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Cause I Wanna Be Famous
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be Famous
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be Famous
The Second Verse Is This Season's Intro.
Ever since I was a child,
I felt that my life's too mild
I had a dream that'll never change
That'll make my future rearrange
I Wanna Be Famous
Don't go and tell me otherwise
My mirror says that in my eyes
There's a specialty that's not meant to hide
I know who I am deep inside
And I Wanna Be Famous
Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be Famous
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be Famous!!
After The Theme Song, Chris Still Standing On The Deck.
Chris - Since Most Of You Know The Rules, I’ll Skip To The Contestants, Who‘ll Be Coming By Blimp. But If You're Wondering “Where Are They Going To Land?” Well... (Pulls Out A Remote And Chuckles) Who Said Anything About Landing? (He Presses A Button)
Something Explodes. Chris Cups His Hand Near His Ear As A Multitude Of Screams Are Heard. He Steps Aside And A Giga-Gaggle Of Contestants Fall Flat Onto The Floor Near Him.
Chris - Right On Time!
The Group Stands Up, Bones Cracking. They Stare Angrily At Chris, Who Gives A Wide, Fake, Grin.
Chris - Kicking It Off With The O.Gs, We Have...
The Camera Cuts To The Face Of The Contestant Called. (This Applies To All Three Generations, So The Introduction Will Be Short)
Chris - Courtney, Gwen, Duncan, Heather, Lindsay, Sierra, Alejandro, Cody, Beth, and Owen. (Sing-Song) Not Forgetting Noah.
Gwen Opens Her Mouth But Chris Shushs Her.
Chris - Hold That Thought! I'll Come Back To You! (Turns To Camera) From The Toxic Wastes Of Revenge Of The Island, Re-Say Hello To Mike, Zoey, Lightning, Cameron, Dakota, Sam, Scott, Jo, Brick, Anne Maria And Dawn.
Again, Gwen Tries To Say Something But Chris Clears His Throat.
Chris - Almost Done. (Turns To Camera) And From The Pile Of Newbies Exclusive To The Last Season, Presenting... Shawn, Jasmine, Sky, Dave, Scarlett, Max, Ella, Topher, Rodney, Leonard And Sugar. (Shouting) Can Somebody Cover My Ears?
An Intern Walks In And Covers Chris' Ears.
Chris - You May Begin.
All At Once, The Contestants Start Yelling At Chris. But We Can't Hear What They Are Saying. Few Seconds Later, They Stop.
Chris - Are You Finished?
They Nod.
Chris - Good. (The Intern Uncovers Chris' Ears) Now, Follow Me.
As The Contestants Walk Through The Forest, Chris Explains The Accommodations.
Chris - As You Know, If You Win A Challenge, You Get A Goodnight Sleep. And If You Lose... Well, I'm Sure You Know.
They Arrive At A Dirty Cabin.
Chris - We're Gonna Do An All-Stars This Season. (Leans Against The Cabin) That Means The Losers Will Stay In This Run-Down Cabin. (A Plank Falls, Hitting Chris.) While The Winners Stay... (Points Behind The Contestants) Over There.
The Contestants Look Behind Them To See A Giant Building Overlooking Them.
Chris - Re-Say Hello To The McLean Spa Hotel! Fully Kitted Out With Enough Goods To Give You First Class Treatment.
Topher Raises His Hand.
Topher - I Know This Is A Bad Time, But If You're Planning On Having Three Teams, Where Are The Second Placers Going To Stay?
Chris - I'm Glad You Asked.
They Walk To A Big Tree With A Hut At The Top.
Chris - The Team That Goes Midway Can Stay Here. In The Treetop Cabin, Made By Team Kinosewak In The Pahkitew Island Season.
Ella - Glad It's Still Here.
Sky - Yeah.
Chris - Alright. Before We Do Anything Else, It's Confidential Time!
Confidential Cam: Gwen
Gwen - It's Official. Worst. Host. Ever. (Starts Breaking Down) BURN IN HELL MCLEAN!!! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!! (Starts Crying)
Confidential Cam: Owen
Owen - I Can't Believe He's Duped Us Again! Oh I'm So Mad I Could... (Farts) Oh. Excuse Me. (Laughs)
Confidential Cam: Duncan
Duncan - I can't stand McLean Any Longer! Ever since I cheated on Courtney to kiss Gwen in the confessional! Chris McFaggot over here just had to get in the way of all this! And Now I Have To Spend Time With Both Of Them! Chris, I Hope You Don’t Screw Me Over Again!
Confidential Cam: Beth
Beth - Okay, One: I was never told that the totem I found on Boney island would curse my friends! And Two: Chris Didn’t Need To Kick Me Out Of The Show! I’m So Angry, I Could Go To Boney Island, Grab That Totem, Come Back Here, Turn It Sideways And Stick It Up Chris‘ Stupid Candy Ass! (A Reference To One Of My Favourite Actors; Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson)
End Confidential Cam.
Chris - Alright, It’s Time For Your First Challenge!
The Contestants Groan.
Gwen - Right, Is He Gonna Do This The Boring Way, Or Is He Gonna Want To Get Kinky?
Ella - (Sing-Song) I Think It’s The Latter.
Sure Enough, The Contestants, Wearing Their Swimsuits, Are Standing At The Top Of Pahkitew Island’s Tallest Cliff, Overlooking A Big Lake Of Water.
Ella - I F**king Knew It!
Chris - But, Before We Start Screaming And Splashing, I’m Gonna Divide You Into Teams. Courtney, Gwen, Duncan, Heather, Lindsay, Sierra, Alejandro, Cody, Beth, Noah and Owen. You Will Be Known As... Team Classic!
Team Classic‘s Insignia Is A Yellow Emblem With A VHS Tape In The Middle.
Chris - Mike, Zoey, Lightning, Cameron, Dakota, Sam, Scott, Jo, Brick, Anne Maria And Dawn. You Are Now... Team Revenge!
Team Revenge's Insignia Is A Blue Emblem With A Toxel Barrel In The Middle.
Chris - And Finally, Shawn, Jasmine, Sky, Dave, Scarlett, Max, Ella, Topher, Rodney, Leonard And Sugar. Your Team Name Will Be... Team Pahkitew!
Team Pahkitew's Insignia Is A Red Emblem With A Tree In The Middle.
Team Classic Is Already Standing On The Edge.
Chris - I Think You Know What To Do. Now, DIVE!!
Team Classic Brace Themselves.
Team Classic - (All Together) One... (They Narrow Their Eyes) Two... (They Bend Down, Ready To Jump) Three...
Owen - I’ll Say It For All Of You... (Team Classic Jumps) CANNONBAAAAAALLLLL!!!
The Entire Team Lands Inside Of A Ring. They Swim To The Shore.
Gwen - Boom! No Harm Done!
A Shark Jumps Out And Bites Gwen’s Arm.
Gwen - YAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!! 
Chris Laughs Really Hard.
Chris - Are You Sure About That?
Gwen - (Screaming) DON'T JUST STAND THERE!!! HELP ME!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!