The MAP Convention

The MAP Convention is the fourteenth episode of season four, and the forty-first episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on March 6, 2021.
==Plot==
Delegates at the Libertarian National Convention vote on who their party’s Vermont Senate nominee will be, while Mr. Pineapple and Mr. Sullivan plan to overthrow the party’s chair, Mr. 152, after he banned them from the Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy Fanon Wiki.
==Transcript==
[The episode opens at Mr. Pineapple’s house.]
Mr. Pineapple: Ah, finally, I have finished my thirty-page masterpiece!
Mr. Lobster: Your homework?
Mr. Pineapple: Homework? Who do you think I am, Larry?
Mr. Lobster: Travis, as your Aunt told you, don’t just call me Larry, I’m Uncle Larry.
Mr. Pineapple: Well you think you’re Donald Trump’s long lost son, yet you call him “Donald”.
Mr. Lobster: Fair. JOE FUCKING BIDEN WILL PAY FOR STEALING THE ELECTION FROM MY ONE TRUE FATHER AND PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP! So, what is that “masterpiece”? A scathing diss of that thief-who-claims-to-be-in-chief?
Mr. Pineapple: No, it’s my latest episode for “President Mermaid Man”!
Mr. Lobster: Travis, you’re a high school student. You’ve been writing Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy fanfiction for the past three years. Isn’t it time to stop?
Mr. Pineapple: Absolutely not, and I’ll continue writing it well after I graduate! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I shall publish this masterpiece to the Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy Fanon Wiki.
[Mr. Pineapple goes to the wiki, creates an article, pastes the “masterpiece”, and clicks the publish button, only to see a notification about him being banned.]
Mr. Pineapple: What?! I’m banned?! THIS IS FASCISM!
Mr. Lobster: You like being banned? Great, you’ve finally moved on!
[Suddenly, Mr. Pineapple’s phone rings.]
Mr. Pineapple: Hello?
Mr. Sullivan: [on the phone] It’s Dan. That blasted buffoon Mr. 152 banned me from the wiki!
Mr. Pineapple: He banned me as well!!
Mr. Sullivan: These types of arbitrary bans have gone on for too long! I say we take revenge!
Mr. Pineapple: But how?
Mr. Sullivan: Hmm...not sure. I’m just looking at his profile right now. It says, “I’m Mr. 152, and I’ve controlled this wiki for longer than you’ve been alive. I’m also the Libertarian National Committee Chair”—WAIT! He’s the LNC chair?!
Mr. Pineapple: WHAT?! 
Mr. Sullivan: Who knew this tyrant would be the head of an anti-government party?
Mr. Pineapple: Wait a minute...AHA! I know how we can take revenge! We should expose his dictatorial record at the party’s convention, and have the delegates unseat him, though we still need to decide on his replacement.
Mr. Sullivan: Great idea!
[Cut to the Bikini Bottom Elementary School Gym.]
Mr. Perkins: We’re here at the 2021 Libertarian National Convention, where delegates will decide who will be their party’s nominee for the Vermont Senate special election, and after that, they’ll decide who will be their party’s chair. The incumbent chair, Mr. 152, currently has no challengers. The convention is starting right now.
[Cut to the stage.]
Mr. 152: Greetings, you filthy pedophiles. Before the vote for the Vermont Senate nominee can begin, we’ll hear some final statements from the candidates, Karen Plankton and Bubble Bass. Let’s start with Mrs. Plankton.
Mrs. Plankton: Hello. I know some of you are skeptical of my positions on MAP rights, but I can assure you that I am a strong supporter of them. If you’re still not convinced, you should vote for me simply because of my electability. I was the Governor of New Mexico, the 2012 presidential nominee, and the 2016 presidential nominee, gaining over 4 million votes in the latter. Mr. Bass has been endorsed by our 2020 presidential nominee, who obtained a record low votes for our party. I’m really your best chance of having a voice on the national stage! Karen For Senate!
Mr. 152: Mr. Bass, you may now speak.
Mr. Bass: While Karen may be more electable, she will certainly turn her back on you once she is in power? Don’t believe me? When she was Governor, she signed a law that increased penalties for child sex predators. To this day, some of our friends are still in jail because of that law!
[Commotion is heard among the delegates.]
Mr. Bass: We cannot let our community face genocide, and it would be a bonus slap in the face if this genocide is perpetrated by someone in our ownparty! Bass For Senate!
[The delegates cheer.]
Mr. 152: The voting shall now begin.
[After a roll-call vote, Mr. 152 announces the results.]
Mr. 152: For our party’s nominee for the 2021 Vermont Senate special election, 69 votes have gone to Mr. Bass, and 0 votes have gone to Mrs. Plankton. Congratulations, Mr. Bass.
[As Mr. 152 shakes Mr. Bass’ hand, Mrs. Plankton cries and runs outside, where she meets Mr. Pineapple and Mr. Sullivan.]
Mr. Sullivan: Hm, she’s crying. I know what can cheer her up! I’ll shove my mahoosive member into her motherboard.
Mr. Pineapple: DAN! 
Mr. Sullivan: Oops.
Mrs. Plankton: DEFAMATION! SLANDER! I won that fair and square! [looks at Mr. Pineapple and Mr. Sullivan] Do you two have anything to do with this?
Mr. Pineapple. No, no. Well, at least not yet. 
Mrs. Plankton: Yet? What do you mean “yet?”
Mr. Sullivan: Travis and I are here to punish Mr. 152 for banning us from the Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy Fanon Wiki.
Mrs. Plankton: The Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy Fanon Wiki? Aren’t you a little too old for that?
Mr. Sullivan: What kind of Libertarian are you to say “aren’t you a little too old for that”?
Mrs. Plankton: A moderate. But it looks like moderates has no standing in the party anymore. I just lost the Vermont Senate nomination to Mr. Bass, and Mr. 152 will push through the LNC chair election unopposed.
Mr. Pineapple: Good! Moderates like you are a plague to all ideologies!
Mr. Sullivan: Now wait a minute, Karen, how about you launch a challenge against Mr. 152?
Mrs. Plankton: That’s ridiculous. I got 0 votes in the Senate nomination, how could I expect a single vote in the chair election?
Mr. Sullivan: We have a damning case that would not only unseat him, but kick him out of the party!
Mrs. Plankton: Is that so? Well, there’s no harm in trying.
Mr. Pineapple: Now wait a minute, do we really want a LINO running the party?
Mr. Sullivan: Who else do we have? You?
Mr. Pineapple: WHAT?! I would never lead an anti-government party!
Mr. Sullivan: Then shut up and let’s bring this plan to action!
[Mr. Sullivan, Mr. Pineapple, and Mrs. Plankton sneak in backstage, where they overhear Mr. Bass and Mr. 152 speaking.]
Mr. Bass: Ah, I can’t thank you enough, Andrew. I love being admin on the Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy Fanon Wiki, as well as producing all those erotic fanfics.
Mr. 152: Don’t mention it. Obviously no woman’s gonna fall for a MAP rights activist who spends his time editing on sites for 9 year olds, so I have to pleasure myself while reading your extensive collection!
Mr. Bass: 9 YEAR OLDS?! Man, this site is even greater than I thought! 
Mr. Sullivan: [whispering] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy? Well, to be fair…
Mr. Pineapple: [whispering] I’m gonna cut you off before you say something highly perverted. But I KNEW they were hiding this! I could feel deep inside my anus. Oh wait. [reaches into his pants, pulling out a hammer and sickle] That’s just my communist buttplug. 
Mr. Sullivan: TRAVIS!
Mr. Pineapple: What?
Mr. Sullivan: Pffft, and you call ''me'' a sexual degenerate.
Mr. Pineapple: Mr. Sullivan, you will suffer severe consequences for that remark.
Mr. Sullivan: You don’t scare me. Anyways, let’s make our move.
[Mr. Pineapple and Mr. Sullivan run to stage, grabbing the mic from its stand]
Mr. Pineapple: Libertarians, we demand you to unseat Mr. 152 in the chair election!
Mr. 152: [runs to the stage and recognizes them] HEY! Those who are banned from the Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy Fanon Wiki are ALSO banned from the LNC. 
Mr. Pineapple: How can you even call yourself a real libertarian? You banned Dan and I for a nonviolent offense!
Mr. 152: Are you suggesting that ''I'', someone who has repeatedly advocated for COPPA to be abolished so I can flirt with kiddies of all ages on my wiki, am not a libertarian?
Mr. Bass: I agree, but it’s better if they make accounts anyway. The risk of being caught feels twice as good, you know.
Mr. Sullivan: Travis and I aren’t the only ones he’s banned. [takes out a long list of bans issued by Mr. 152]
Delegate: Hold up, what in the hell is the Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy Fanon Wiki?
Mr. Sullivan: A place for kids that was run by Mr. 152 with an iron fist for thirteen years. We came here to you today because Mr. 152 keeps banning free-thinking kids like us so he can continue his rule! 
Delegate: BANNING KIDDIES?! Mr. 152, is this true?
Mr. 152: I have to maintain control of the site. 
Delegate: You don’t “maintain control” by banning them, you do it by fucking them!
Mr. 152: I...I—
Delegate: Save it, I’m through with you. But who else is in the race?
Mrs. Plankton: [runs to the stage] Me!
Delegate: Not you, LINO!
Mr. Sullivan: Karen Plankton, a LINO? Please. Was she banning kids instead of fucking them?
Delegate: Well, no, but—
Mr. Pineapple: Say you were on the wiki, and were about to groom a kid, when suddenly, Mr. 152 banned them! How would you feel about that?
Delegate: I’d feel angry! Mr. 152, LINOs like you will never get my vote! Karen Plankton all the way!
Delegate #2: Me too!
Delegate #3: Down with Mr. 152!
[Mr. 152 runs to Mr. Bass and starts crying.]
Mr. 152: OH NO, I can’t lose! Help me, Bubble!
Mr. Bass: Is it true that you’ve been banning kids when MAPs like me are trying to groom them?
Mr. 152: I won’t ban anyone from now on, and I’ll unban everyone currently blocked! All I want for is to keep my chair!
Mr. Bass: Go there and say the chair election will begin in five minutes. [sends a text] This text shall take care of the rest.
[Mr. 152 runs to the stage.]
Mr. 152: Attention, five more minutes until the chair election begins!
Delegate: More like five more minutes of a LINO being chair!
Mr. 152: Hopefully whatever Bubble did works...
[Five minutes pass.]
Mr. 152: [groans] Oh man. The election shall now begin.
Delegate: I vote for—
[Suddenly, Mr. Renaud kicks open the gym doors. The delegates notice him, and applaud in respect.]
Mr. Renaud: I will be endorsing Mr. 152 in this election.
Delegate: But Mr. Renaud, Mr. 152 banned—
Mr. Renaud: He has promised to discontinue his past practices. Besides, are you really going to elect Karen Plankton?
Delegate: Well—
Mr. Renaud: Have you forgotten our movement that won us the 2020 election? She tried to thwart it every step of the way, but in the end, we succeeded. Don’t throw it in the trash by voting for her now!
Mrs. Plankton: What? You didn’t win the 2020 election! I didn’t win 2016, and I got over four times more votes than you!
[The delegates gasp.]
Mrs. Plankton: What?
Mr. Pineapple: [whispers] Damn fool, you’re not supposed to say your party’s 2020 presidential nominee lost!
Mrs. Plankton: But he lost though—
Delegate: I have had enough of this LINO talk! I vote for Mr. 152!
Delegate #2: Me too!
Delegate #3: Let’s kick her out of the party as well!
Mrs. Plankton: Oh boy.
[Cut to Mr. Pineapple’s House, a few hours later.]
Mr. Perkins: [on the TV] Not only did Mrs. Plankton lose to incumbent Mr. 152 in the LNC chair election in a 69-0 vote, but she was also kicked out of the party. In other news, Mr. Tentacles has emerged victorious against Mr. Apple in the Democratic primary. 
Mr. Pineapple: So what do we do now?
Mr. Sullivan: Didn’t Mr. 152 say he’ll unban us from the wiki?
Mr. Pineapple: Oh yeah!
Mr. Sullivan: Let’s write some Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy fanfiction!
[The episode ends as Mr. Pineapple and Mr. Sullivan take out their phones and start writing the next episode of “President Mermaid Man”.]
==Trivia==
*Mr. Lobster is revealed to be Mr. Pineapple’s uncle.
*The episode, which ends with Mr. Pineapple being unbanned, aired on the same day that The Terrible Travis was unbanned from Fandom. 
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom Fourth Season
Category:Episodes