The Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used to Be/Quotes

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:(Kirk Van Houten tosses a bag into the robot talking trash can)
:Trash can: Thank you for the used porn.
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:(Chief Wiggum and Homer bump into each other on the bridge)
:Chief Wiggum: Uh, ok. Do we go, uh, gut-to-gut or, uh, butt-to-nut?
:Jeremy Freedman: Don't worry. We'll use the bypass board.
:Shauna: (sprays the board with grease) Ok, fatsos. Suck it in.
:Chief Wiggum: I got Homer's sandwich.
:Homer: I get Wiggum's gun.
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:Quimby: On the positive side, with this disaster, we have surpassed Detroit and Kabul as the world's most unlucky city. We're uhh... err.
:Marge: Couldn't you have at least put little wedges under the wheels?
:Quimby: Uh, sorry sweetheart, but running a city is a little more complicated than getting your nails done. (Marge groans) Don't you worry your pretty little head about it.
:Marge: Mr. Mayor, that is so sexist!
:Quimby: Uh-oh, sounds like someone's girdle is pinching! (Everyone laughs)
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:Lisa: People think we've moved on, but this world is as sexist as ever.
:Homer: Thanks Obama.
:Marge: What's so great about grown men anyway? I could cut a ribbon.
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:Homer: Fun fact: Being a defendant gets you out of jury duty.
:Lisa: Mom, this is our time. Wonder Woman showed that if you're a goddess with superpowers, there's no limit to what you can do. You could be mayor!
:Homer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. A woman Prime Minister? Ok. Women "Ghostbusters"? Cool. Woman head of the Federal Reserve? As far as I'm concerned, what's that, but a women mayor?
:Bart: (whispers to Homer) If mom becomes mayor, we can get away with anything.
(Homer imagines himself in a huge tank and bulldozing Ned Flanders' house)
:Ned: Help me, Jesus! (Jesus Christ comes down from the sky)
:Homer: Pick a side. (Jesus Christ joins Homer as they destroy Flanders' house, imagination ends) Heh heh heh heh, hey, where'd everybody go?
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:Helen Lovejoy: She's completely cooked. Unlike the chicken she brought to the potluck.
:Rev. Lovejoy: Oh, Helen is as bitter as the lemonade she brought to the potluck. What a terrible potluck that was.
:Sideshow Mel: Why wasn't this a town hall event? I like to see them balance on the stools.
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:Homer: (after Marge suggests Homer be more like Lisa) My boyfriend is broccoli!
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:Homer: I am not a whale! I am a man with blubber, and several harpoon scars! (tries to attack Krusty, but then gets stabbed by a harpoon then runs and jumps around like a whale)
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:Homer: Marge, can you cook a Hot Pocket in the dryer?
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:Kent Brockman: And with the last senior citizen gently reminded that they cannot vote at IHOP, the results are now final. History is made. Marge Simpson is our new mayor. The first woman and the second to pee sitting down.
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:Quimby: (advising Marge) There's no "mayor" in "marriage." There almost is. It's really close.
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