Sports Day/transcript

== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: June 17, 2017
Episode Copyrighted: 2017
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The episode begins at the Loud House.
Leni Loud: Okay Lincoln, your turn! Give me your best shot!
Lincoln Loud: *takes and rolls the die* Six! *moves my piece* One, two, three, four, five… six! Yes! Ladder, going up, all the way to… the top.
His piece reached the end of the board ahead of all the others, he won.
Lincoln Loud: I... I won. I actually won?
Leni Loud: Yay! Congratulations, Linky!
Lincoln Loud: Well, thank you, Leni, but that means SpongeBob!
SpongeBob is pulling a trash can, with Patrick, Yellow and Red inside, out through the door of the Loud House. Then he pushes it onto the curb.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Whew!
A mail truck drives by and drops a package on the curb.
Yellow Rectangle: What's that?
Patrick Star: *pops out of trash can* Looks like a box.
Lincoln Loud: Wonder who it belongs to. *jumps on the box* Maybe it says on the other side.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Nope.
Red Rectangle: Oh, look, it's open.
Yellow Rectangle: It is?
Red Rectangle: *opens the box* Yeah.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *peeks inside the box* Ooh. *climbs in the box* It's—it's— *whimpers* It's stuff! *holds up a big pile of sporting equipment*
Patrick Star: *laughs* Oh, I knew it! But what does this stuff do?
The sporting equipment falls on SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni. The slide transition cuts to SpongeBob's house where SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni in the library with a golf club.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Hmm.
Yellow Rectangle: Ah, this must be for getting books off the top shelf. *knocks books off the top shelf with the golf club*
Patrick Star: Hey! *laughs*
Red Rectangle: Silly ol, Patrick.
Yellow Rectangle: *knocks more books off the shelf*
They all drop on Patrick.
Yellow Rectangle: *stops and another book falls on Patrick's head*
Patrick Star: Wow.
Leni Loud: That was great, Yellow.
Lincoln Loud: Yeah.
The slide transition cuts back to the Loud House where SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni with the bowling ball in the kitchen.
Red Rectangle: This must be a whipped cream holder. *takes a bottle of whipped cream and pours some through the finger holes on the bowling ball*
Then he eats the whipped cream from the ball, but he drops it in his mouth. Then he falls through the floor and into the basement.
Yellow Rectangle: Ah! Red? Red, are you okay?
Red Rectangle: *some whipped cream from the bowling ball* Yum.
The slide transition cuts to SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni in the living room with a catcher's mitt. SpongeBob gives the mitt to Gary, who slithers onto it to sleep.
Charles from The Loud House: *barks*
Lincoln Loud: This must be a portable dog bed. *takes Charles to bed*
Leni Loud: I wanna try! *hops on the catcher's mitt and pushes Charles aside*
Charles from The Loud House: *barks*
Leni Loud: *curls myself on the mitt and goes to sleep*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Aww. *chuckles*
The slide transition cuts to Squidward's house. Squidward is in the kitchen, preparing himself a fancy lunch.
Squidward Tentacles: *hums* Oh, it may have taken you all morning, Squidward, but this is a meal fit for a king. *bell dings* Oh. My croque-madame is ready. *goes to get my croque-madame*
A tennis ball breaks through the window and destroys everything including Squidward's meal.
Squidward Tentacles: *comes back with the croque-madame, then notices the mess* What the—
The tennis ball flies into Squidward's croque-madame and gets splattered in the face with its goop. SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni are laughing outside.
Squidward Tentacles: *shakes the goop off and growls* SpongeBob! Patrick! Yellow! Red! Lincoln! Leni! What do you guys think you're— *notices the sporting equipment* Wow. *runs to the back*
SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni are wrecking up his garden with a soccer ball and tennis rackets.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Hi-yah! *laughs*
The soccer ball destroys the bird bath and bird house as well as the flowers.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *goes to hit the soccer ball again right before Squidward arrives*
Squidward Tentacles: My begonias! What are you lunk heads doing with all this equipment?
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Equipment?
Squidward Tentacles: You don't know what this stuff is?!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Mm-mmm. Mm-mmm.
Lori Loud: *walks to Squidward* Hey Squidward
Squidward Tentacles: This is a soccer ball... *kicks the soccer ball in Lincoln's face* that is a tennis racket, *shoves the tennis racket in Lincoln's face* and these are a couple of morons! bashes SpongeBob and Lincoln's face into each other* Now, be quiet! And clean up all of your sports junk!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *gets confused* What's a "Sports Day?"
Squidward Tentacles: *groans* Sports are games you play for points. The points determine the winner of the game.
Patrick Star: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! I love games!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Me too!
Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Yeah!
Yellow Rectangle: You must know a lot about "Sports Day," Squidward. Will you teach us how to play?
Squidward Tentacles: I can't think of anything I'd rather do less than—
Angel Squidward: *appears on his right shoulder* Now now, Squidward. You need to help them. Played incorrectly, sports can be very dangerous.
Devil Squidward: *appears on his left shoulder* Yeah, he's right! You should teach 'em to play wrong, 'cause it's payback time!
The tennis ball hits Squidward's angel.
Angel Squidward: Let 'em have it, right between the eyes. *disappears*
Devil Squidward: *disappears as well*
Squidward Tentacles: You know, on second thought, I'd be happy to teach you all about sports, Lincoln. *chuckles evilly*
The slide transition cuts to Squidward setting up a horseshoe toss game.
Lori Loud: All right, the object of this game is to throw the horseshoe around the stick.
Lincoln Loud: Ah, seems easy enough.
Lori Loud: Sure, but you have to do it blindfolded. Watch Squidward closely.
Squidward Tentacles: *holds up a blindfold, then ties the blindfold around SpongeBob's face and gives the horseshoe to SpongeBob*
Patrick Star: *licks my horseshoe*
As Squidward puts the blindfold around Patrick's eyes.
Patrick Star: Um, do we throw now?
Squidward Tentacles: Yes.
Lincoln Loud: At the same time?
Squidward Tentacles: Yes! Throw it at the same time!
Squidward Tentacles and Lori Loud: Throw!
Lincoln Loud: Hi-yah! *throws the horseshoe*
Patrick Star: *throws my horseshoe as well*
Yellow Rectangle: *throws my horseshoe*
Red Rectangle: *throws my horseshoe*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *throws my horseshoe*
Leni Loud: *throws my horseshoe*
SpongeBob's horseshoe hits Leni in the head, Yellow's horseshoe hits Patrick in the head and Lincoln's horseshoe hits Red in the head while Patrick's horseshoe hits Lincoln in the face, Red's horseshoe hits SpongeBob in the face and Leni's horseshoe hits Yellow in the face.
Lincoln Loud: Ow!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *sticks my tongue out with my eyeballs showing; then puts my eyeballs back in place* Aw, we didn't hit the sticks. Did we do bad?
Patrick Star: *my face puffs up* My face hurts.
Leni Loud: Ow.
Yellow Rectangle: That hurts so bad.
Red Rectangle: My face. My face.
Squidward Tentacles: Oh, no, no, no. You did good.
Lori Loud: Yeah. Pain is—uh, worth points. You know the phrase, "no pain, no gain."
Patrick Star: *laughs* I want pain points! *kicks my horseshoe
A horse falls on him.
Squidward Tentacles: Yeah, that's great. Now do it—oh, 100 more times. *throws the horseshoe*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah!
The horseshoe falls on SpongeBob's nose.
Lincoln Loud: *throws the horseshoe again, but gets hit in the face with Patrick's horseshoe* Ow!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *keep hitting ourselves with each other's horseshoe*
Squidward Tentacles and Lori Loud: *lays back and watches them in amusement*
Lori Loud: Oh, Squiddy, you're a genius.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *walks up to Squidward and Lori and appears to be brutally beaten by Squidward and Lori's so-called game*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward, Lori, can the game be over now? All this pain is starting to hurt.
Squidward Tentacles: Oh, sorry. There's no way to end the game without one of you winning.
Lori Loud: Sorry guys.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *groans*
The scene changes to SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni wearing ice skates and are about to race each other on Squidward and Lori's command.
Squidward Tentacles and Lori Loud: Ready...set...go! *fires the toy gun and chuckles*
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *starts running*
As they are running, they are having a hard time running with the ice skates as they appear to be uncomfortable.
Yellow Rectangle: *trips and falls, getting dirt and grass with worms in my mouth, then spits the dirt and grass out of his mouth* Squidward, are you sure we're doing this right? These running shoes are really hurting my ankles.
Squidward Tentacles: Oh, you're absolutely doing it right. Try to pick up the pace, though.
Patrick Star: *appears behind Yellow and slices him in half with my ice skate* Comin' through!
The two halves of Yellow stand up and he goes to catch up to SpongeBob, Patrick, Red, Lincoln and Leni Loud. Two sharks come by and notice what SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni are doing.
Shark Son: I wanna play, Daddy.
Shark Dad: No, son. We're sports "fans." We just watch. *pulls up a chair and sits down*
His son takes up a foam hand. SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni made it to the finishing line.
Squidward Tentacles: And...time. Let's see those ankles.
Yellow and Red's ankles puff up from the strain of running while wearing the ice skates.
Squidward Tentacles: *gasps* Oh, yeah, those look bad.
Lori Loud: You guys get—mm, 50 points. Why not?
Red Rectangle: Hey, then we're still tied!
Lincoln Loud: Our ankles are not so bad!
The scene changes to people walking to the backyard of Yellow and Red's houses. In the backyard, there's a sporting arena containing several different fields: a baseball field, a bowling rink, a soccer field, a basketball court, a football field, a golf course, and some gymnasium sections. Yellow is holding up a catcher's mitt and a tennis racket while wearing a headband.
Red Rectangle: *shoots footballs in Yellow's face with the football shooter.
Yellow Rectangle: *comes back with footballs lodged in his mouth and gives a thumbs up
The children cheer in the background while the scoreboard changes from 70 to 72, and they're still tied.
Patrick Star: *hits the bowling ball with the golf club, but the club breaks and hits SpongeBob in the face*
The children cheer again in the background while the scoreboard changes from 82 to 84, and they're still tied.
Lincoln Loud: *passes the ball, trips and falls*
Leni Loud: *dribbles the basketball and runs to the hoop, then scores points*
The children cheer again in the background while the scoreboard changes from 88 to 90, and they're still tied. Meanwhile, Lynn lost a board game against them and turned to her, dreading her reaction. The others exchange baffled looks.
Lana Loud: Lynn? You're… You're not mad?
Lynn Loud Jr.: ...hy'd I be mad?
Lana Loud: I thought you hated losing at board games…
Lynn Loud Jr.: Who doesn't hate losing? But we all lose sometimes… *quietly* Me especially…
Now the others exchange concerned looks.
Luna Loud: Uhhh… dude? Is everything alright?
Lynn Loud Jr.: …Huh? "Alright"? 'Course everything's alright. Why wouldn't… *indiscernible mumbles* …be alright?
Sandy Cheeks: Well, maybe because it doesn't sound like everything's alright! Lynn, what's wrong? Did something happen?
Lynn is walking down the street with a magnifying glass.
Lynn Loud Jr.: Hmm. Hmm. Where is it? Where is it? Hmm. Ah-ha! There's your box of sports gear, Sandy. It must've fallen off the mail truck. But what happened to all the equipment?
The bell dings and the children cheer.
Lynn Loud Jr.: What was that?
Sandy Cheeks: I don't know. We'd better check on them.
Sandy Cheeks, Luna, Lynn Jr. and Lana Loud: *runs to the sporting arena and notices SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni, beating themselves up with boxing gloves on their feet*
Lynn Loud Jr.: Huh? Lincoln, what's going on?
Lincoln Loud: Oh, hey—
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *hits each other*
Lincoln Loud: —guys. We're—
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *hits each other again*
Lincoln Loud: —in the middle of a sports game.
Patrick Star: *jumps onto Lincoln*
Lana Loud: This sure doesn't look like any sport I've seen before.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *hits each other again*
Yellow Rectangle: *pants*
SpongeBob SquarePants: I believe it's called kickboxing, or something?
Red Rectangle: *falls down*
Sandy Cheeks: Well, whatever it is, it seems to be causing you lots of pain.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *hits Leni
Leni Loud: Ow! Sure is. *gets hit again* Ow!
Luna Loud: Why not stop playing it if it hurts so bad?
Red Rectangle: We can't stop… *pants* Until we break our tie.
Lynn Loud Jr.: Says who?
The trumpeters play and fog steams out from between the booths.
Shark Son: It's the rule giver.
The crowd murmurs as Don the Whale, Frank the Muscular Goldfish, Larry the Lobster, Roblox, Builderman, and InceptionTime the Skeleton carry Squidward and Lori a, who is in a grim reaper outfit, onto the field. They set him down and the children cheer in the background.
Sandy Cheeks: We ain't never heard of a rule giver.
Squidward Tentacles and Lori Loud: *flips our hoods*
Squidward Tentacles: I prefer "King of Sports," but you can never tell what will catch on with the small folk.
Lori Loud: I prefer "Queen of Sports," but you can never tell what will catch on with the small folk.
Lynn Loud Jr.: You're making up a game where SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni hurt themselves, and you won't let them stop?!
Lori Loud: I'm just giving the people what they want.
Lynn Loud Jr.: That's pretty low. Even for you, Squidward. I'm putting a stop to this. SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni have had enough!
SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni appear brutally beaten up by Squidward and Lori's so-called games as the Wilhelm Scream is heard.
Squidward Tentacles: See? They're fine. Let the games resume.
Lynn Loud: *grumbles*
The audience cheers.
Lynn Loud Jr.: Oh, I don't think so. Y'all want to see a game? Fine. Squidward and Lori, I challenge you to a game—a game of basketball. Winner decides the fate of SpongeBob, Patrick, Yellow, Red, Lincoln and Leni. *throws basketballs in Squidward's face*
The children cheer in the background.
Squidward Tentacles: Huh? Me? Play sports?
Lori Loud: Me too? Me too?
Squidward Tentacles: No, no. We're mostly in an advisory position.
Jimmy Gus the Fish: Aw, come on! We came to see some action! Play the squirrel! Play the squirrel!
Fishes and Humans Crowd: Play the squirrel! Play the squirrel!
Sandy Cheeks: See you on the court, Your Highness.
Sandy Cheeks, Luna, Lynn Jr. and Lana Loud: *shoves the crown down Squidward and Lori's face*
The slide transition cuts to Squidward, Lori, Luna, Lynn and Lana on the basketball court.
Lynn Loud Jr.: Hey, Squidward and Lori, one more thing. We're playing San Antonio rules.
Squidward Tentacles: San "A—what—io" rules?
Lynn Loud Jr.: Check! *throws the basketball in Squidward's belly*
Then she jumps onto Squidward's head and shoots the basketball into the net. The children cheer in the background.
Red Rectangle: So, that was a fault! *breaks a bone* Ow!
Squidward Tentacles: A foul?
Lynn Loud Jr.: Tell it to your mama, Squidward!
Squidward Tentacles: Mama?
Mrs. Tentacles: Don't want to hear it.
Lynn Loud Jr.: Next round's soccer.
Lori Loud: Huh?
Squidward Tentacles: What the what?
Lynn Loud Jr.: Sure. Every time you score, you pick a new sport. I thought you knew all the rules, Squidward and Lori.
Lori Loud: Well, uh, yeah, well, of course I literally do. Yeah.
Lynn Loud Jr.: Good, then block this!
Luna Loud: Yeah!
Squidward Tentacles: *notices the soccer net in back of me* Block what?
Lynn Loud Jr.: *kicks the soccer ball and headbutts into the net*
The net bounces the ball back, hitting Squidward in the head. Squidward pulls his head back up and the children cheer in the background.
Squidward Tentacles: Oh, come on, I wasn't even ready!
Lynn Loud Jr.: No time outs! Football round!
The horn blares.
Lynn Loud Jr.: *charges towards Lori with the football*
Lori Loud: *angrily* Hey! That's it, I'm outta here! *leaves*
Squidward Tentacles: Lori, come back.
She rams Squidward onto the football goal post. Then she kicks the football with her foot through the goalpost. The football hits Squidward and the children cheer in the background.
Squidward Tentacles: *pants* Just give me a second to—
Lynn Loud Jr.: *comes up from behind and stuffs Squidward in a jellyfishing net*
She swings the net and sends Squidward flying to the soccer ball goal and into the pooling table.
Squidward Tentacles: *pulls myself out of the table*
Lynn Loud Jr.: *hits the eight ball and it flies into Squidward's head*
The eight ball comes out through Squidward's nose.
Lynn Loud Jr.: *takes out a plate and Squidward's face falls into pieces*
Squidward's face is now made into calamari.
Announcer: And the winner is... Lynn Loud!
The children cheers in the background. Lynn is proud that she won the challenge while Squidward feels defeated and broken-down from the games.
Lynn Loud Jr.: Good game, Squidward. *shakes Squidward's hand*
Squidward Tentacles: Ow, ow, ow.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *walks up to them*
SpongeBob, Yellow and Leni are in several casts and bandages while Patrick, Red and Lincoln are severed heads are on the wheelchair.
Yellow Rectangle: Wow, Lynn! That was amazing!
Red Rectangle: Yeah, I liked the part where you did that thing with the ball and stuff.
Lynn Loud Jr.: Thanks, guys. Looks like we're all done here.
Sandy Cheeks: Nice winning, Lynn. That goes for you too. I'm ending your game.
Patrick Star: *gulps* But we're still tied.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Yes.
Lynn Loud Jr.: Don't worry, I'm declaring you both winners.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: Yeah! We're winners! We're winners! We're winners!
Sandy Cheeks, SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, Yellow, Red Rectangle, Lincoln, Leni, Luna, Lynn Jr. and Lana Loud: *hugs each other*
Lynn Loud Jr.: Aw, don't worry, Squidward! *hugs Squidward* You're a winner too!
Squidward Tentacles: I hate winning! *my head explodes* Ow.
Circle transition in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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