2013 Power Rankings-Week 13

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Posted 11/28/13 at 9:58am
Happy Thanksgiving form the Bottom Dweller
First things first. Happy Thanksgiving. Family is important, but remember that over 100,000,000 people yearly turn on their TVs to watch the super bowl, not your family. So you tell me what's more important. 
Second things second. Some important things to note going in to week 13, the final week of the regular season. Next years draft order is as follows: bottom 6 teams get first 6 picks based on how they finish in the standings, not the consolation round. Top 6 teams get last 6 picks based on where they finish in playoffs. Week 16 is the FINAL week of playoffs and will most likely feature Nate vs. whoever is going to beat Nate.
Third things third, this week is important! Pay attention.
1. Hernandez' Bracelets
What to be thankful for this Thanksgiving - Remember when I said this week was important? Not for Nate. At 11-1 he is guaranteed the first overall seed and will be sitting back next week to see who his opponent is. Oh, and I can't rag on him for being outscored by Zach anymore. He's now the top-scorer in the league. Oops.
2. ma ma momma said
In one of the most awesome week 13 match ups the league has ever know, we will see a rematch of the 2011 season ender that started Cooper Clux Clan's spiral in to one-and-done land. This time, the stakes couldn't be higher. If Jared loses by more than 20.79 points, he will fall to the 3 seed. Brees is going against the best defense in the league, Seattle. Manning is in a whole other world and who knows how he will play against Kansas City.
3. Cooper Clux Clan - playoffs begin today for CCC. Win by more than 21 and you have the buy next week. Lose or win by less than 20 and they will have to show up next week to most likely play Ooohmypussyitswet. And they are a wild card team in several ways. CCC has a lot of players that are hitting it at the right time, much like a real life championship team. Carolina D, Riley Cooper, Boldin. But the Johnson trio slumped last week. Problem? 
4. The Shotti Bunch 
Though Shotti has an outside chance at the 2 seed, their big goal in week 13 is to make a statement. After losing to Orange Julians last week, they need to put up a good performance heading in to what could be another rematch with OJ in week 14. The question is how will Foles play against the Cardinals, whose defense has been impenetrable the last few weeks? And is KC defense good enough to get SB through the post-season (0 points last week).
5. Orange Julians
Proving week in and week out that I am wicked smart, even though I was wrong about my own damn teams potential to win. Two weeks ago I called this the hottest team in the league, ready to bust out a huge win streak and scream through the playoffs. Last week they proved it by dismantling a top tier team by almost 100 points.
6. Ooohmypussyitswet
Well congratulations. You dropped Blackmon and the Gods found it to be enough to let you in to the playoffs without what would have been an awesome week 13 matchup against The Enforcers. But dude, get rid of Arian Foster. Injured Reserve means he's not coming back. Ever.
7. The Enforcers
Three years, three missed playoffs. There used to be a time when this team would be the trash-talking, wheeling and dealing entity the likes of which we thought we'd never see. I suppose there is only room or one New York Yankee style villain in the league and Nate plays that part so well.
8. Girl on Fire
Girl on Fire rode the Hunger Games momentum to a victory last week, albeit just barely proving me wrong. They will most likely have the 3 or 4 pick next year in the draft.
9 and 10, 1 and 2. Hugs for Gronk/Wilfork You Up - The two Patriots-themed teams go head to head to determine the first pick in next years draft. If you're not fighting for first, you might as well be fighting for first pick. But both team managers have vowed to not let up the gas pedal and throw the game, mostly because we are both too prideful. Gronk's Flakes has been putting up better numbers but their matchups killed them in the end and they will finish with the highest total points against by other 100 at the end of this week. Abysmal. 
So enjoy your turkey and then get your popcorn ready because shit is about to get crazy in this league. Can Nate be beat? Can Jared repeat? Can Zach ride his hot streak to the promised land and finally shake that "so close yet so far" finish that has defined his career? Can the 6 seed drop Arian Foster soon enough to please the Fantasy Gods? Will I tell my dad who I am picking first overall next year after I beat his ass this week? Probably.