Example 504: Chemical Phony Sandbags

This is the Five-hundred-and-fourth week of using the "Perfect Anime Girl Sheet". Notice: This Blog may contain Unmarked Spoilers.
*Topaz lets out a large sigh.*
Welcome back everyone...
: Try to sound a little more energetic, Topaz.
I would like to, but have you seen the girl we're talking about this week?
: Oh ho ho! I am surprised to see you dislike me so much. After all, you seem to be the type of person who seems to love big breasts.
I am, but those barely count as “breasts”. It's always a shame when a girl decides to alter themselves and in such a detrimental way.
: Detrimental? Nonsense! I'm far superior to those three girls you talked about. Just look at how big and massive my chest is!
: We're middle school girls, it would be disgusting if we had chests that big!
: And we wouldn't even want them. All they would do is hurt our backs, especially with all the dancing and Aikatsu we do!
: Like Zettai needs more reasons to dislike me as well.
: You're all just jealous, oh ho ho! Just look at the audience, the SMART men in it can't take their eyes off my massive girth! It makes me feel a little self-conscious.
: They're probably watching to make sure that those zeppelins of those don't float away.
Or maybe they'll pop and she'll fly around like a balloon. Like BOOM-thhhhhhh...
*Topaz points his finger as if following a balloon that's losing air and flying around. Ayame stomps her foot.*
: Quit mocking me! I am a worthy villain!
: Not really. We've seen FAR stronger girls than you. What, are you going to smack Topaz in the face with those disgusting silicone bags? Wait, scratch that. That could actually hurt, which explains why mamocentric idiots are so stupid.
: So in other words they have brain damage and have become re-
WHOA WHOA WHOA!
*Topaz waves his hands and covers Akari's mouth*
You can't say that in this blog.
*He removes his hand.*
: Really? That's a forbidden word?
: Topaz grew up next to a family with a mentally-challenged daughter. As a result he was raised to not use that word lightly.
Sorta like how I don't swear too much. Just how I was raised. 
: I was wondering that... But don't worry as I'm sure your friends still love you!
I'm sure that they do. But sadly that means that I can't curse out Ayame like she deserves.
: I do NOT deserve to be cursed out! I didn't do that much that deserves it, not at least compared to numerous other girls!
I suppose that is fair. And I'll take that into consideration when I say that...
Today's girl is:
Ayame Rekadou
from
Ore no Nounai Sentakushi ga, Gakuen Love Comedy wo Zenryoku de Jama Shiteiru/Noucome
: Man that name is still outlandishly long. Must be a light novel.
I don't think that you should be able to call it a “light novel” when the title must weigh like 10 kg just by itself. 
: Enough of this terrible banter!
But the longer we're able to banter the less I'll have to focus on you!
: But you're just delaying the blog in that case. You'll have to talk about Ayame eventually.
Do I? Well, I do suppose that we've come this far. Might as well start.
: WAIT!
*Topaz, Riri, and the idols turn to Ayame.*
: Don't think that this will be just a simple “do her blog and she'll leave”. I still have to challenge you, or I'll never be able to face Razonde again!
: Ah, Iria is up to her old tricks again?
I guess fake-boobed blondes stick together. Hopefully not literally. And it's not that we'd want you to meet her again, but what challenge are you proposing?
: Is it not obvious? It is the one thing that I'm good at: Insult competition!
: Are you sure you'll be good at that? You got pretty desperate in the show.
: That was years ago and I trained well for this! And besides, all I have to do is make your innocent idols over there cry and run off. Should be fairly simple!
: Wait, we're participating? I don't want to be wrapped up in this dumb event now that it's ruined with another horrible girl.
: Like we needed another after Yume came. At least she makes a little bit more sense being here.
: I know, Yume is so annoying and-WAIT A SECOND!
*Yume blushes like a tomato.*
: It seems like your girls are forfeiting already. Oh ho ho. It seems that I'm too much!
To be fair I don't see how an insult battle is something that will be that interesting. We really don't have much reason to try hard.
: Right, as it's not like Topaz is going to wager his blog on something dumb.
: Oh? But what if I sweeten the deal?
*Ayame places a bottle of lotion on a nearby piece of furniture. It has the words “Paizuri lotion” on it.*
P-PAIZURI LOTION?!
: This sounds idiotic...
: What's a “Paizuri”?
: Nothing you need to learn about.
: That's right, Topaz. You'll get this bottle plus a special treat...
You don't need to go any further.
: Right. No one wants horrible fanservice from a faker like you. 
: Harumph! Fine then! I'll go tell Specs that you gave up the blog finally. Then we'll never have to handle this again!
I'll never give up the blog!
: Topaz! Reconsider this! That sort of fanservice isn't worth it!
Forget about her offer, I'm not giving up the blog that easily! Not when I can fight and still save it!
: OH HO HO! Pigs like you are so easily manipulated!
But don't think that I've forgotten about the blog either, so let's get that started!
==Head==
===Hair===
Ayame does pretty well here, as she has a suitably unique hairstyle. She's blonde, which while somewhat common is a little more understandable with ojous like she's trying to be. She even has the drill motif that fits with being an ojou as well. Instead of having drill sides though, she has a set of triple-curled twintails. That means that she has two sets of three curls from the side to the back and it fits her pretty well. They do only reach her shoulders, but considering how tight they're wound it's possible that if she let her hair down it might reach her mid-back. Ayame also has blunt bangs, though with a gap above her right eye and a slight curve upward over the left (though that's mostly noticeable in the anime). Her sides are long too, reaching about to her chest and having a good amount of volume to them. Occasionally Ayame wears a red small hat which is kinda cute, though I'm always weirded out by hats that remain tilted to one side on a person's head. Overall it's fairly cute and fits Ayame's look of being an ojou with the ringlet blond hair.
Grade: B
===Eyes===
Ayame has pretty good eyes as well. She has a really sexy tsurime, with a nice rounded downward slope and even with some eyelashes to emphasize it. Not enough to notice in the show, but they are there and look good. Her eyes are also a pretty gold color, sorta matching her hair but not quite. I'd still give it to Ayame though, as I do find her eyes nice. Her pupils are shaped nicely and also have a pretty shine to them, though I think that's mainly the art style doing a lot of heavy lifting. Sadly Ayame does not wear glasses, not even in the ED where the silver-haired student council president Seira does. Overall I do find Ayame's eyes pretty, but not enough to really stand out too much either.
Grade: B-
===Face===
As said in “Eyes” the art style for Noucome does a lot of heavy lifting in these areas. Case in point is here, likely Ayame's best area. She has a pretty simplistic face, but I do really enjoy that type of look. Her small dot nose also works well, and she has a cute blush on some occasions as well. Her head is shaped like an acorn, which fits surprisingly well with her hair and eyes. Overall the art style does well, so it's a shame about what's coming up.
Grade: A-
: OH HO HO! It sounds like Topaz really does enjoy my company! Look at that high score so far!
This is just the beginning, so you shouldn't act so proud. We still have a lot to go, including the worst portions. There's a reason I don't tally the score until after the final total has been calculated. Scores can ebb and flow at any point.
: Much like my beautiful breasts. Oh ho ho!
: THAT'S IT!
*The ribbon idol stands up to Ayame.*
: First you try to interrupt our acts with your antics and crazy schemes. Then you come on stage and proclaim your superiority over us. And now you think that any of Topaz's readers, including Topaz himself, is interested in those imitations you keep flaunting! 
: Oh? But an imitation can be just as good as the real- I mean, THEY AREN'T FAKE!
: We've already revealed that they are, so what are you going to do about it?
: Grrr, thems fighting words!
: Thems?
: That they are!
: Looks like the insult battle is going to start sooner than I expected. Not that I mind, I'll easily trounce you feeble idols. OH HO HO!
*Ayame does an ojou laugh pose, as she's done before but this commentary has neglected to mention.*
: So what is this insult battle about? We just mock the other one to submission, or is there a point system?
: OH ho! You're such a fool that you can't even remember the rules I set earlier!
Being fair I wasn't paying attention either.
*Riri smacks Topaz.*
Not for that reason!
: Sureee.... But either way at least pay attention to what you write.
: That doesn't seem like much of an insult. 
*Ichigo gets a determined grin.*
: The bigger insult is situated on that chest of yours!
: Oh? I don't think so. My lovely chest has inspired many fanartists, unlike a BONY USELESS TEEN like you!
: I may be flat, but at least I didn't mutilate myself to look so nasty!
: Nasty? Oh no, you're the “nasty” one. Oh wait, I believe that I got you confused for your GASSY FAT ASS MOTHER!
: You leave my mother out of this!
No, “your mother” jokes sound pretty par for the course.
: What, did you grow up in the 90s or something? Are you going to make an overused “NOT!” joke next?
Of course not, I'm not THAT shallow... today.
*Ririchiyo sighs.*
: Get back to the contest. I believe that you're up, Ichigo.
: That's right, and I should further mock your disgusting fake breasts that no man should feel attracted to! You're sick!
: OH HO! How pathetic to mock my chest yet again. Do I detect a hint of jealousy?
: What did you say!
*Ichigo gets so angry that Yume and Akari have to hold her back.*
: No, let Ichigo punch her. It'll be entertaining.
: Go right ahead. That would make Topaz's side forfeit and he'll never be able to blog again!
: It's not worth it, Ichigo! Topaz wants to keep blogging so stay within the rules!
: I can understand wanting to use her useless flab as a speed bag, but resist that urge!
: That's right, resist the urge like Topaz is. Then you'll win and he'll be subjected to the paizuri of his dreams!
If you think that my dreams involve taking a ride down silicon valley, you're wrong. Ichigo, defeat her with the roughest burns yet!
: They're right. I have the mind to destroy you! You'll submit to my insults in no time!
: You're right.
: Eh?
: Of course I'll submit to YOU, Ichigo. You're the lead heroine and EVERYTHING has to revolve around you. Even your FRIENDS get stepped on as you head to the top. Especially that one, who was it, Ran? I bet you LOVED pushing her to the side like the useless model that she is!
: R-RAN IS MY FRIEND! I'd never purposely try to take roles away from her! It's just that they had bad writers at one point! I'm sure you know a thing or two about that!
: Nonsense. My role was just a side one, so I didn't take screentime from others. And I certainly didn't steal victories like YOU did.
: Well... er... Y-your breasts take your screentime! With ugly disgusting jokes!
: Still on my breasts? Not that I'm surprised that you're SO JEALOUS, OH HO HO! But there's nothing wrong with MY show. It scores even higher than YOURS!
: Nonsense! Let me look it up...
*Ichigo looks up the scores on her phone, getting shocked as she looks at the two series. Noucome at the time of this writing has a score of 7.45 while Aikatsu has a score of 7.43.*
: I-I don't believe it...
: HEY! I was in that series too!
: At least my show is higher, with a score of 7.77. How lucky!
*Ichigo glares at Yume.*
: If looks could kill. But why are MAL scores always so AWFUL Topaz? I mean, Ayame is from a TERRIBLE series that only has ten episodes, which is the biggest sign that a show is going to suck! Like with Triage X, Maken-ki S2, and probably many others!
For the same reason SekaTsuyo has such a low score. It's because people who need to watch the shows ignore them due to horrible and inaccurate reviews being posted, and people in general are idiots. Sometimes I wonder if monkeys are trained to hit scores randomly.
: No wonder One Piece does so well, it has a Monkey lead!
Precisely. Plus there's a lot of horrible trolls in among the stupid populace. It's one reason I take things like reviews or total scores with a grain of salt. I like what I enjoy, and other peoples opinions really won't bother me too much.
: Enough of your blathering about things that don't matter!
We were having a civilized conversation. It's not like we were discussing you or anything.
: Burn! Though speaking of which what happened to Ichigo?
*Ayame points to Ichigo, who is in a fetal position all white.*
: M-maybe it was all my fault that my show sucked... Maybe I should have treated Ran and the others better. Maybe I should have done everything differently...
Oh no! She's in a spiral!
: I'll help her out! Come here, Ichigo!
*Akari pulls Ichigo backstage.*
: OH HO! It looks like it's my win. But do not worry, as I am gracious enough to give you two additional tries to out-insult me. Not that it will help, OH HO HO!
: I-I'll try my best, for my senpais!
That's the spirit! But first, let us continue with the blog.
==Body==
===Build===
Putting the obvious issue aside, Ayame has a pretty alright body. I was surprised as well, as you can understand. She does have the skin-shine look all over, which some people might not like but I somewhat enjoy as it gives the character a bit of softness to their skin. Ayame is pretty slim, though that also goes to her fairly straight-shaped legs. Her waist is pretty nice though, and her navel looks good. She doesn't get a really good shot of her ass, though it is shown on occasion (though very quick occasions...). She also gets a close shot of her crotch while in a bikini, but that isn't something that I'm into. As far as measurements, I'm not sure if she has any. MAL says that her height is 159 cm and she's 50 kg, but that sounds like something completely made up. Overall, she's very meh here and not just because of the upcoming area either. She needed a lot more focus on her better assets.
Grade: C+
===Chest===
Ayame has very large breasts, but the catch is that she had breast implants. Because that's totally a great thing to base not only a character but a majority of her jokes and scenes on. She's outlandishly mamocentric as a result, often bouncing around in a senseless and noisy fashion. Which doesn't even make sense as apparently breast implants don't actually bounce around, not that I know but still. It gets to the point where her entire character seems to revolve around her chest. She also gets horrible and obnoxious praise from the other characters, made worse due to a majority of them being female. Granted most don't know her silicon secret, but still they really shouldn't be jealous of Ayame. Some terrible examples of scenes include Ayame not only stripping but snapping her bra at one point, and another scene of her giving a fauxzuri from a water gun. The latter scene is especially painful as people worked hard to edit into actual paizuri in fanart, a wasted effort by human garbage I suspect. But yeah, Ayame is AWFUL in this area. It gets so bad that about the time when she stops being popular they have to force in yet ANOTHER cow whose only joke seems to be having natural breasts to compare with Ayame. Not that I know for sure how important she is, as the translators of the light novels likely slit their wrists after the third book and never returned, but when a character's name is “Busty McBigBreasts” I don't have a lot of confidence...
: HEY! Her name is not “Busty McBigBreasts”! That sounds like the stupidest name ever!
Well then, what IS her name?
: … Chichiru Nyuumiruku.
So in other words “Boobs New Milk”. Right. I rest my case. Anyway, long story short is that Ayame is basically nothing more than a walking mamocentric unjoke that was never funny. 
Grade: D
===Clothes===
Ayame doesn't really have much of a wardrobe. She is usually wearing the school uniform, or at least a modified version of it. Her uniform consists of a red blazer with frilled collar and a white ruffled shirt underneath, gray pleated skirt with a white stripe, and white thighhighs with garters. It would look pretty nice, if having it buttoned up didn't make Ayame look so mamocentric (like she really needs it, after all). Underneath she also wears a red bra with a frilly top. Some other clothes include gym clothes with a blue buruma, a tight blue one piece swimsuit, and a white frilled thong bikini. In the Opening she wears a black sorta-sling swimsuit, and in the ED she wears a black suit though with a bow tie rather than a neck tie like the other girls. Other outfits from the light novels include a more causal outfit and a sports jersey with a number 4 on it. Overall Ayame's wardrobe is incredibly mamocentric, which I suppose is to be expected but it's still a terrible thing as a lot of her outfits would otherwise be nice!
Grade: B-
: Grrr, now I see where you think my worst character traits are!
: Just now? Topaz and the rest of us have been mocking you since you appeared!
Now now, don't mock Ayame just because she's slow to pick things up. Must be because she can't find it once she bends over.
: You'll pay for that! And by that I mean YOU!
: M-ME!
*Yume is flustered when Ayame points to her.*
: Don't act all innocent over there. I know that you're plotting something!
: You're likely overestimating Yume...
: Nonsense! Or are you just going to fall over and let me take this win? I DOUBT that anything you can do can EVER insult me!
: I-I have to try my best! You'll never know what hit you!
: Well then, try your best you boiled octopus!
: O-Only certain people can call me that! Like the narrator!
Sounds like my imprint ability extends to the narrator on occasions.
: B-besides, you're a fish too! A big gross b-boobie!
: A boobie is a bird, not a fish. OH HO HO! What sort of school are you going to?
: An idol one...
: How pathetic! Much like your series! I know I mocked Ichigo about HER show-stealing talent but WOW! You're MUCH worse than she ever was. Stealing roles, screentime, pushing your so-called friends to the side. The only way that you could be worse is if you were ANOTHER character from your show! That's how AWFUL it is!
: Y-your show is terrible too! Not that I've seen it...
: Trust me, nothing of value was lost.
Yeah, but it's hurting Yume's ability to insult Ayame!
: Maybe we shouldn't have agreed to do this with these girls. They're too nice and friendly to get anywhere!
: Um... er... b-boobs!
: “Boobs”? That's your great insult? How laughable-OH HO HO! But then I can't expect too much, what with your school going under and you not being able to tap into your special power. Why don't you just die and give Rola, the one who deserves FAR MORE, a chance to get everything she's wished for.
: I... er... um...
You know, as awful as Ayame is-and she really IS awful-I have to agree. Not with the point of Yume dying, just that Rola deserves more love.
: Yes yes. And Ako as well!
: B-but that's not my fault! They got rid of drama performances and... and...
*Yume starts tearing up and runs backstage.*
: Oh ho ho. Another idol down. And now you just have one remaining...
That's right! But I'm sure that she'll defeat you! But first, let's conclude this blog...
==Mind==
===Personality===
There isn't too much to say here. We've already mentioned Ayame's horrible fake breasts unjoke, which makes up the majority of her screentime. That said it's all because of her childhood friend. That's also the reason that Ayame became a tsundere and dominant ojou. She's haughty and dominant like an ojou should be, which would be nice on another character that didn't have two massive screen hogs attached to her torso. It's a shame that this personality is likely as fake as the things hanging off her chest that she claims are boobs. She's very popular, both in series as she's one of the “Popular Five” which is a terrible plot idea, and out of the series she's held as one of the most famous and popular girls in the series. It's really unfortunate that Noucome has pretty much devolved to “that one anime with the girl with fake breasts”, yet people constantly mention how funny it is. It's not, and I even understand that humor can be subjective but the series is really lazy with “jokes”. Basically it's nothing more than references and pointing them out, or maybe reusing the same tired tropes that have already been used hundreds of time and turning that into a running gag. Ayame is a causality of the series in that her personality (if she even had one to begin with) basically became a walking boob unjoke. Breasts cannot make a character nor a personality, and that ends up being what she is mostly known for. A shame, as if she had kept being a proud ojou with a touch of dominance she could have done better. I just wonder if the light novels resolved her issue, or if the unjoke became boring and she never appeared again after a certain point I will mention that Rei Matsuzaki did a good job giving her a dominant voice, so it's a shame that her hard work is wasted on such a terrible girl. Her most well-known role is probably Kirari the tall Cinderella Girls idol. Overall she might have had a better chance, but sadly her screentime and eventually character is nothing more than a joke that wasn't funny in the first place.
Grade: C
===Libido===
As mentioned earlier Ayame has a childhood friend, but he sounds extremely stupid so let's not count him. Ayame is probably known as a dominant woman, treating men as pigs in bondage gear and even sitting on their backs. This might be sexy, but I'd much prefer to know that I'm the only one in a woman's heart and not just used as a disposable pawn. Ayame does get embarrassed when the lead tries to get her to say she likes him, so there might be a bit of harem inclusion but considering that I have no idea what happens to her I doubt that she makes it far. She is also rivals with the token imouto character Yuragi. Not that she's anyone's actual little sister or anything, just that she likes considering herself everyone's imouto. 
Grade: C
===Age===
Not much is known about Ayame's age. She's somewhere in high school (which really makes her issues more unhealthy), so she gets about the average age for that. A shame as she could have done a bit better had they mentioned if she was an upperclassman/senpai to the lead but I can't remember if they had or not.
Grade: B
Total Grades: 58
Average score: 6.4
Final Grade: C+
And that's the blog for this week!
: Finally!
: I-I don't believe it! How could these useless and bony middle school girls manage to beat me! Even the awful one!
: Quiet! I know I'm terrible, but at least I still did better than you!
: That's just because Topaz is being unfair to me. He knows that admiring my superior body would get him in trouble with his friends, which is the only reason I did so poorly. OH HO HO! How sporting of him, to give flat characters like YOU a bit more advantage!
: The one who is truly flat here is YOU, Ayame. The three idols have far more depth than just one dumb joke. Even Yume has trials she has to go through!
That's right. Even if she's over-favored at least she has some sort of personality!
: GRRR! How dare you mock me with those words! You will rue the day that you embarrassed me in front of the crowd-wait, where is everyone?
*Ayame points to the crowd but everyone seems to have gone home.*
When did this happen?
*Ichigo and Akari step up.*
: After I helped cheer Ichigo up we decided to get the area cleared out. It's not like there was much of a show left.
: That's right. We've already performed and there's nothing on stage but an over-inflated ojou who thinks way too much of herself.
: Nonsense! I still need viewers to watch me defeat the final girl!
: Yeah, about that. This is idiotic and I really don't want to spend any more time with you. As a result the other idols and I are going to leave.
: Even me?
: Of course! Maybe we'll meet up with Aine and have a leads party. Well, I suppose that Mio can join too as I need to start being more fair.
: OH HO HO! It seems that your idol company are so inferior that the last one is forfeiting! How pathetic!
: I was raised that, if I can't say something nice it's better to say nothing at all.
*Akari gets in Ayame's face, glaring intensely.*
: And, as such, I have nothing more to say to the likes of YOU.
*She turns to Topaz and Ririchiyo.*
: I apologize to you two, but we'd rather not stay any longer than we have to.
: Both Topaz and I completely understand.
But if you do that we'll lose the insult contest and I'll have to give up blogging forever!
: That doesn't sound as bad as it could be.
I refuse to give up right before meganekko day! Well, not RIGHT before, but I want to at least beat Ayame!
: Like a piñata, only instead of candy it's things that you really shouldn't eat.
So how can we win?
: Is it not obvious? I may not be able to insult Ayame properly, but there's someone close to you that can. Someone with a sharp tongue that's not afraid of speaking the truth, especially if it leads to insults.
: Hmm, who could such a mean-spirited girl be?
I think I have a clue...
*Topaz pushes Riri forward, towards Ayame.*
: HEY! (I-is this really what Topaz thinks of me?)
You're the only girl close to me like they say. I'd say that you're closer to me than anyone else. Hmmm? You seem to be overheating.
*Ririchiyo is blushing.*
: T-that's just a trick of the lights. I'm not excited by your words or anything... 
Anyway, we'll be seeing you three later perhaps!
*Topaz and Riri wave to the three idols as they leave.*
: Harumph. So Akari chose you for a replacement. I don't see why, as you're as you're as flat and useless as they are! OH HO HO!
*Riri glares at Ayame.*
: Oh? We're the useless ones? I believe that you're the useless one, getting your body altered in such a sick and toxic way. 
: T-they're not fake! Harumph, seems that someone here has nothing but sour grapes. Oh ho ho!
: *Smirks* Better to have a small pair of “grapes” like mine that are all natural than a pair of WAX FRUIT like you. Though at least with wax we could light you up like a candle and it would serve SOME purpose.
: My chest is not for lighting purposes!
: Not for FIGHTING purposes either, judging by how terrible that fight you had with water guns was. Then again I suppose that you had a handicap. Just look at those useless weights dragging you down!
: Stop making fun of my chest!
: Why not? You're the one who doesn't stop flaunting it. Maybe someone should just come along and CHOP THEM OFF! Then you might be a decent human being, though that's just one change out of many that you'd have to do.
: I-I'm decent!
: Yeah right. You're a show hog, even if you're not introduced halfway through the short series. It's fortunate that the show was only ten episodes long, as that's about ten too many than it actually deserved! Not that ten isn't the perfect size, as like I said earlier that number of episodes seem to attract terrible “comedies” and “fanservice” shows that should never have existed. Face it, Ayame. You're as superfluous as those DISGUSTING BLOBS OF USELESS CHEMICALS in your chest!
*Ayame falls to the floor, sobbing.*
: Y-you're right. I tried to hide behind my pride and chest far too much, and it cost me a great amount of self respect and dignity. And for what, to pander to idiots for no good reason? I wish I was never in such a terrible show that forced me into such a terrible role... sniff...
: I-I didn't mean for you to cry like this.
I'm sure that she understands, Riri. How about we leave her alone for now. At least for now my blog is safe.
*Topaz and Riri walk backstage, leaving Ayame behind as they continue to talk.*
: That's true. So how about we start talking about who to do next.
Don't worry, I have a lot of plans! Well, at least for certain weeks.
: This is going to be one of your filler plots, isn't it?
Hopefully not a long one. But I can't plan ahead completely. These things happen.
: Hopefully you at least have plans for Meganekko day and Zettai's birthday.
I certainly do-wait, that's next week already, isn't it. Man, this year has gone by so fast. And by that I mean meganekko day week, Zettai's birthday will come afterward.
: But since Meganekko day is on Friday who will you be looking at on Thursday?
Let's just say that she has a nice meat bag that I envy...
: Topaz....
What?
: You just went over Ayame, and now you're going to talk about another girl with “meatbags”-
No no, singular. Just one meat bag. The rest of her luggage is fine.
: I'm confused...
Will it help if I say that she's from a SHAFT show?
: That could be a lot of shows...
Well then, I guess that you'll have to be like our viewers and see what I have COOKED up for next time!
: That sounds like a really easy hint... 
*Ririchiyo sighs as they continue to walk.*
: Wait, weren't you supposed to get something from Ayame if we won?
Ah yes. I mean, it's not too important but I should go check on her.
*Topaz hurries back to Ayame.*
Meanwhile...
*Unknown to Topaz and Riri, after they leave Ayame alone two shadowy figures seem to appear behind her.*
: W-why wasn't I able to school those flat useless girls like I was promised!
???: Is it not obvious? You were not as dedicated as you should have been in defeating Topaz!
: R-RAZONDE!
Razonde: That is right. And not only did you shame yourself in defeat, but you even revealed my identity.
: I-it was not my fault! I used the proper code word and everything! And I didn't mention your plot either!
Razonde: ENOUGH! You have blathered on for long enough, and have outlived your usefulness. Not that you were THAT useful in general, so I should have done this months ago.
: D-do what?
Razonde: Katamari... CONSUME!
*The other shadowy figure makes an imposing shadow over Ayame, though the camera doesn't show the reason why.*
: Huge... No! You can't do this! Was I not your best lieutenant?
Razonde: That matters not. ABSORB HER ESSENCE!
: NOOOOO!
*Time passes and Topaz finally comes out from backstage.*
I was coming back for the paizuri lotion when head a loud noise. What happen-WHAAT! RIRI, COME QUICK!
*Ririchiyo reluctantly comes on stage.*
: What is it now, Topaz? Did Ayame kill herself?
N-no, but she does seem really different.
: Sniff... Razonde... and Katamari... They stole my essence...
: And now everything is right in the world.
I think that this is a fairly important plot hook, Riri! Too bad we've already said who we were doing next time, or I'd investigate further.
*Topaz picks up the lotion and pockets it. He tries to leave, but the deflated Ayame grabs his pants leg.*
: You don't understand! Without those... who am I now? What sort of jokes will be made around me? What should I do?
: Maybe you'll actually build an actual character. Naw, what am I saying. This is NOUCOME. And the series finished, so there's nothing that should really matter.
: M-maybe... But do not underestimate Razonde, as her ally Katamari is a terrible one! She's been taking the essence from people like me, and if she gets much more power she'll finally put her horrible mamocentric idea into action!
Oh no! Not a horrible mamocentric plot! What sort of person am I to focus on such a thing!
: I say we go back to our previous ideas and not care too much about this sort of thing.
Great plan! See you all next time, readers!
: Maybe by then MAL will be fixed...
*The two walk away, leaving Ayame behind.*
: Please, take this plot seriously! Or else it will be horrible for all time...
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