Dr Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas/Transcript

The following is a transcript of the film, Dr Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas.
== Transcript ==
Narrator: Inside a snowflake, like the one on your sleeve, there happened a story you must see to believe. Way up in the mountains, in the high range of Pontoos, lay the small town of Whoville: The home of the Whos. Ask any Who, And they'll have this to say: "There is no place like Whoville around Christmas Day." Every window was flocked, every lamppost was dressed and the Whoville band marched in their Christmasy best. 
Band Leader: Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! 
Narrator: Arbor Day was fine, and Easter was pleasant and every Saint Fizzin's day, they ate a Fizz pheasant. But every Who knew, from their twelve toes to their snout they loved Christmas the most, without a single Who doubt. 
Clerk: Farfingle's welcomes you! Thank you. Merry Christmas! Thank you for shopping Farfingle's!
Lou Lou Who: We got a snoozlephone for your brother Drew and a snoozlephone for your brother Stu, a muncle for your uncle, a fant for your aunt, and a fandpa for your cousin Leon. So, we just need.... Cindy? Cindy Lou! Merry Christmas. Hello, Myrna. Merry Christmas, Fred. Excuse me. Cindy Lou? Honey? 
Cindy: Dad? 
Lou: Yeah? 
Cindy: Doesn't this seem like a bit much? 
Lou: This is what Christmas is all about! Can't you feel it? 
Cindy: (shakes her head no) 
Clerk: Merry Christmas! Thank you for shopping Farfingle's. Wait a second! Your change! Another minute closer to Christmas! And, for the next five minutes only, 99 percent off! 
Narrator: Yes, every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot, but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville- did not. 
Teenage Whos: Get on it, girls. All the good mistletoe's at the top. Hey, Drew, I'll race you! Not if I race you first. Last one to the top is a stinky old Grinch! You guys, where are we? I think we should go back. What? You're scared of the Grinch! No! They say he lives up here in a big cave. And only comes down when he's hungry for the taste of Who flesh! Drew! You're scared of the Grinch! You're scared of the Grinch! Are too! Am not! Wait for me! Go on, touch it. Touch the door. Do it for me, Stu.
[Max barks into a monster that the Grinch made to scare off Drew, Stu and their girlfriends]
The Grinch: Well done, Max! Serves them right, those Yuletide-loving sickly-sweet, nog-sucking cheer mongers! I really don't like ‘em. No, I don't. [closeup of him biting into an onion] Max! Get my cloak! I've been much too tolerant of these Whovenile delinquents and their innocent, victimless pranks. So, they want to get to know me, do they? They want to spend a little quality time with the Grinch. I guess I could use a little social interaction. [puts on a devilish smile as he looks into the camera] 
[he is seen in Whoville in disguise wearing a mask and cloak] Merry Christmas! Yeah, you bet. Ho, ho, ho, and stuff. Oh, my. Someone has vandalized that vehicle. You see, Max? The city is a dangerous place.
Narrator: The Grinch hated Christmas. The whole Christmas season. 
Top of the day. Flatfoot. 
Narrator: Now, please, don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason. 
[gives a handsaw to 2 Who children] Here's a present for you. Be sure to run real fast with it. Come on. Double time. Move. 
Narrator: It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on just right, Or it could be, perhaps, That his shoes were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all, May have been that his heart was two sizes too small. 
Stranger, won't let you go till you buy a chapeau! 
Lou: (carrying presents) Boy, nothing beats Christmas, right? 
Cindy Lou: I guess... 
Lou: You guess? 
Cindy Lou: Well, it's just, I look around at you and Mom and everyone getting all kerbobbled.
Doesn't this seem...superﬂuous? 
[Drew and Stu come running up to Lou all frazzled] Dad! Dad! 
What happened to you? 
It was the Grinch! 
The Grinch: Grinch? What do you want? I mean.... [feigning fear] "Grinch? Oh, no!" 
Mayor: Did someone just say "Grinch?" 
Lou Lou Who: Hello Mayor May-Who. Lou. 
Mayor May-Who: I don't need to remind you all that this Christmas marks the one thousandth Whobilation, Whoville's most important celebration! And the Book of Who (pulling out a large book) says very clearly "Every size of Who we can measure knows that Whobilation is a time we must treasure!" Now, Lou, please tell me that your boys were not up on Mount Crumpit provoking the one creature within a billion bilometers of here who hates Christmas! [Drew/Stew: But it was the Grinch!] [Lou: No, sir, the boys didn't see any Grinch. It was, and he came after... I think they were up on the mountain playing with matches, or defacing public property, or....] That's a relief. All right, you heard the man: There is no Grinch problem here. 
[cut to the inside of the Whoville Post Office where Whovillians are crowding the counter while Lou is trying to help them] 
Whovillian: I need it there by tomorrow. Heckuva rush. 
Lou: Merry Christmas, Mo. Heckuva rush. 
[Lou is in the back sorting the mail] 
Cindy-Lou: But, Dad I just don't understand something. Why won't anyone talk about the Grinch? 
Lou: You kids and the Grinch! You see, Cindy, the Grinch is a Who, who always.... Actually, not a Who. He's more of a.... 
Cindy-Lou: A what? 
Lou: Exactly, honey. And he's a What who doesn't like Christmas. Take a look at his mailbox, sweetie. Not a single Christmas card, in or out. Ever! 
Cindy: But why? 
Whovillian: Lou, where's my mail? 
Whovillian: Lou! Got the wrong mail here. 
Whovillian: Lou! I got the wrong mail! 
Lou: I'll be right there. 
Whovillian: Lou, we got a problem! 
Lou: All right, we'll straighten this out. 
[The Grinch is in the back putting the wrong mail into several Whovillians’ mailboxes] 
It'll take them years to sort this out. This is his and now it's yours, and this hers and now it's his! And for the rest of you: Jury duty! Jury duty! Jury duty! Blackmail. Pink slip. Chain letter. Eviction notice. Jury duty! 
Lou: Would you mind helping me take this to the back room, honey? Be careful of the sorting machine, right? 
Cindy: Yeah. Gesundheit. You're the.... The.... The Grinch! That worked out nicely. Help! Help me! Somebody! Max, let's go. Our work here is finished. Help me! Please help! That is not a chew toy! Stop it, Max! Get that out of your mouth! You have no idea where it's been! Help! Bleeding hearts of the world, unite! There! Give me that! Don't you know you shouldn't take things that don't belong to you? What's your problem? Are you a wild animal? Let's go. Thanks for saving me. Saving you? Is that what you think I was doing? Wrong-o. I merely noticed that you were improperly packaged, my dear. Hold still! Max, pick out a bow. Can I use your finger for a second? Hello! Hello! Cindy? Dad! Daddy! Daddy! What the hey...? Honey. Cindy? Dad! It was amazing! You've been practicing your Christmas wrapping! I am so proud of you. Now, that's holiday. Sweet little Cindy didn't know what to do. In her head, bum-tumbled a conflict or two. "If the Grinch was so bad,then why did he save me? "Maybe he wasn't so bad." Maybe. Just maybe. No lights on in the house. Your mom must be shopping. Good, I'm so glad you're home. I can feel it, Lou. This is the year. When everybody asks who has the most spectacular lights in greater Whoville they're gonna cry out, "Mrs. Betty Lou Who!" Isn't this the chandelier from the dining room? It's all for the cause, dear. And Cindy? Could you be Mommy's little helper and unscrew the bulb there from the refrigerator? 'Cause somehow I missed that one. Go on! Every year Martha May Whovier has the best lights. Not this year. This year I'm gonna beat that prim, perfect little prissy... Betty! Hi! Martha! My, I've never seen so many beautiful Christmas lights, Betty Lou! I'd blow every fuse if I tried to keep up with you, Martha May! Isn't this antique darling? It's handcrafted and almost 100 years old. Jeez. I'm really impressed! This, however, is new. Betty! Sweetie! Good night, Betty. I got it! Honey, I've got it. Hello? Is my sub-zero chillibrator running? I suppose. You better go catch it! That's a good one! That is rich. Let's go home. Fleas before beauty. Thank you. Come on, hurry up, Slowpoke. There's got to be a better way! A car would have paid for itself by now! Goody. Another load coming down. What's that stench? It's fantastic! Max! Grab a bag. We'll come back for the rest. Of course, when I say "we, " I mean "you." It's amazing what these Whos just throw away. Oh, well. One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri. I don't know. It's some kind of soap. "Where are you, Christmas? "Why can't I find you? "Why have you gone away? "My world is changing "I'm rearranging "Does that mean Christmas "changes too? "Where are you, Christmas? "Do you remember "The girl you used to know? "You and I were so carefree "Now nothing's easy "Did Christmas change "Or just "me?" Sweet! "Be it ever so "Heinous "There's no place like home" First floor, factory rejects. Those Whos are hard to frazzle, Max! But we did our worst. And that's all that matters. At least I scared the bejeebles out of that little girl at the post office. She'll be scarred for life, if we're lucky. Funny she didn't rat on us, though. Must be afraid of reprisals. Yes! Down a size and a half! And this time, I'll keep it off. Get the stick, Max. Get the stick! There's no stick! I'm smarter. Any calls? You have no messages. Odd. Better check the outgoing. If you utter so much as one syllable I'll hunt you down and gut you like a fish! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key. Oh, well. That's more like it. Excellent year. I'll tell you, Max I don't know why I ever leave this place. I've got all the company I need right here. Hello! Hello! How are you? How are you? I asked you first. I asked you first. That's really mature, saying exactly what I say! Mature...exactly...what I say.... I'm an idiot! You're an idiot! All right, fine. I'm not talking to you anymore. In fact, I'm going to whisper. So that by the time my voice reverberates off the walls and gets back to me I won't be able to hear it! You're an idiot! Am I just eating because I'm bored? Who could that be? 
Hello, little girl. Are you here to read to us? 
Cindy: No. I hear you know some things about the Grinch.
Narrator: Cindy Lou had some questions in her curious heart. Why did the Grinch hate Christmas? Where did it all start? With her dad's blabbacorder she wouldn't give an inch. 
Cindy: In your own words, please tell me everything you know about the Grinch. Where did he come from?
He came the way all Who babies come. On calm nights baby Who girls and tiny Who fellas drift from the sky in their own pumbersellas. 
Man: Hey, honey, our baby is here! He looks just like your boss. 
Cindy: So that's how it works.
It was Christmas Eve, and a strange wind blew that night. We were having our annual holiday get-together. It was morning before anybody realized that he was out there! The poor dear! But, you know what? We knew right away that he was special. 
Do you want a Christmas cookie? Yes, which Christmas cookie would you like? 
Santa. 
His first words! 
Yes, that is a Santa plate. Do you want to hold this Santa plate? 
Santa, bye-bye!
He was a wonderful whatever he was. And we raised him like any other Who child: With a deep love of Christmas.
Don't forget, tomorrow is our big Christmas gift exchange. Everyone bring a special gift for a special someone. 
Martha: The Grinch....? He had no sense of color coordination. Although I hardly remember him. I didn't have time to socialize. I was far too busy with my studies.
Now, class, is everyone almost finished? 
Mayor May: And if the truth be told, he.... He liked Martha. Martha was my girlfriend. I don't like discussing this Grinch so very close to Christmas, but maybe if you hear the truth, you'll understand why... Put your back into it! I tried to take him under my wing. 
You don't have a chance with her. You're 8 years old and you have a beard! 
Mayor May: He had hair. Not pleasant. He shed. Not right. 
Young Martha: You know, Christmas is my favorite time of year. I just love the colors. The red and the green. 
Martha: Did I have a crush on the Grinch? Of course not. 
Cindy: I didn't ask you that. 
Right. 
For some reason, when he came home that day he really got into the Christmas spirit for the first time.
Perfect! Whoopsie! What a lovely family heirloom! The fires of love! This will be perfect on the top of her tree. Oh, Martha! Oh, Christmas! I want you all to look your best tomorrow. 
You don't have a chance with her. You're 8 years old and you have a beard!
Has everyone given their gifts? 
I haven't. 
Children: What? 
Merry Christmas, Martha May.
Why do you have a bag on your head?
Young May: Probably because he's embarrassed by that hideodorous gift. 
Mr. Grinch please take the bag off. Yes, you. Take it off. Put the book down. And your foot.
Look at that hack job! 
Stupid present! Stupid tree! I hate Christmas! 
Mayor May: The anger. 
The fury! 
Martha: The muscles! It was a horrible day when they were so cruel to him. And I could hardly bear it.
I hate Christmas! I hate it! 
Martha: And that was the last time we ever saw him. The very last time.
Narrator: So whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes, He stood outside his cave, hating the Whos.
Alphabetically. Aardvarkian Abakenezer Who l hate you! Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate you. Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. Loathe entirely!
Grinch: Nutcrackers! It's their Whobilation! 
Narrator: ...he snarled with a sneer. 
Grinch: Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here! Max! Fetch me my sedative. Now to take care of those pesky memories. 
"Whobilation, plentiful with candy canes and pies "I can't wait to get there to eat some google fries "Whobilation, Whobilation" 
Dad? Yeah. I've been thinking about the Whobilation and I may do something drastic. That's fine, dear. Ask your mother. Where did she go? Honey! Honey! Hi! Look, I just found the cutest light for my Christmas display. Hurry up, we're gonna be late. Come on. And now, the nominations for that Who among us who best typifies the qualities of Whodom and Whodery the Whoville holiday cheer-meister! Do I hear a nomination? I nominate the Grinch! The Grinch? The Grinch? My, my, my. What an altruistic daughter you have there, Lou! Thank you. Cindy? Let me quote a verse from The Book of Who. Thank you. "The term 'Grinchy' shall apply when Christmas spirit is in short supply." Now, I ask you: Does that sound like our holiday cheer-meister? True, Mr. May-Who. But The Book of Who says this too: "No matter how different a Who may appear... "...he will always be welcomed with holiday cheer." Yes, the book also says, the.... "The award "cannot go to the Grinch, because "sometimes things get the lead-pipe cinch." You made that up! It doesn't say that. No, it does. What page? Lost my place, but it's.... It's in here! But the book does say: "The cheer-meister is the one who deserves a back slap or a toast. "And it goes to the soul at Christmas who needs it most." And I believe that soul is the Grinch. And if you're the Whos I hope you are, you will too. She's right! Fine. You people want to waste a perfectly good nomination why, it's up to you. But I am telling you the Grinch will never come down. And when he doesn't, the Mayor will wear the crown. Well, more or less. "Deck your heart with jollity "Style your smile all Christmasy "Flick some flocking on the tree "Let there be Whobilation "Bake the fruitcake, egg the nog "Feed the flaming Wholtide log "Baste the beast and gulp the grog "Let there be Whobilation "Tick, tock, tick, tock "Counting down the Christmas clock "Old, young, big, small" Blast this Christmas music. It's joyful and triumphant. Must drown them out! Not working! The whipper-winds whipped high above the Who town. A trip or a slip you'd slide all the way down. But this girl had a mission. She knew what to do. She'd invite the Grinch herself, that brave Cindy Lou. Play, monkey! Play! Howdy? Mr. Grinch? Mr. Grinch! Hello? Excuse me. Hello little girl. How dare you enter the Grinch's lair? The impudence! The audacity! The unmitigated gall! You called down the thunder now, get ready for the boom! Gaze into the face of fear! Mr. Grinch my name is Cindy Lou Who. You see? Even now the terror is welling up inside you. I'm not scared. Denial is to be expected in the face of pure evil. I don't think so. Doubt? Another unmistakable sign of the heebie-jeebies! Now you're doomed! Run for your life before I kill again! I'm a psycho! Danger! Danger! 
Cindy: Maybe you need a time-out. 
Kids today. So desensitized by movies and television. What do you want? 
Cindy: Mr. Grinch, I came to invite you to be holiday cheer-meister. 
"Holiday Whobie-what-y"? Cheer-meister. "Cheer-meister. Celebrate with friends." That's a good one. I know you hate Christmas, but what if it's all just a misunderstanding? Don't care. I myself am having some Yuletide doubts. But maybe if you reunite with the Whos and be a part of Christmas... "Maybe if you reunite with the Whos and be a part of Christmas." Grow up! Then maybe it'll be all right for me, too! I'm sorry, your session is over. Please make another appointment with the receptionist on the way out. Please, please. You have to accept the award. Award? You never mentioned an award! Yeah, with a trophy and everything. And I won? You won! That means there were losers. I guess. So, if you come... A town full of losers! I like it. Was anyone emotionally shattered? Come on, a minute ago I couldn't shut you up! Details, details! The Mayor wasn't happy. Oh, no. Martha May will be there. She will? And she'll see me. A winner. She'll be on me like fleegle flies on a flat-faced floogle horse. I'm sorry to disappoint you, Martha, baby, but the G train has left the station. So, will you come? All right. I don't know if it's that adorable twinkle in your eye or that nonconformist streak that reminds me of a younger, less hairy me. But you've convinced me. Who knows? This Whobilation could change my entire outlook on life! Really? No. There you are, honey. You can make snow angels later. We can't be late for the Whobilation! The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there on such short notice. Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it. "4:00, wallow in self-pity. "4:30, stare into the abyss. "5:00, solve world hunger tell no one. "5:30, jazzercise. "6:30, dinner with me." I can't cancel that again. "7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing." I'm booked. If I bumped the loathing to 9:00, I'd have time to lay in bed stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear? It's not a dress, it's a kilt! Sicko! Stupid. Ugly. Out of date. This is ridiculous. If I can't find something nice to wear, I'm not going! That's it, I'm not going. It's time for our Holiday Cheer-meister of the Year Award! Congratulations, Mr. Grinch! He isn't here. What? He didn't show? Who could have predicted this? All right. I'll swing by for a minute, allow them to envy me grab a handful of popcorn shrimp, and blow out of there. But what if it's a cruel prank? What if it's a cash bar? How dare they? All right, I'll go. But I'll be fashionably late. No. Yes. No. Yes. No! Yes! Definitely not! All right. I've made my decision! I'm going, and that's that. Had my fingers crossed. Maybe I should flip a coin! I guess the award goes to the runner-up. That's right. A man for whom Christmas comes not once a year but every minute of every day. A handsome, noble man. A man who has had his tonsils removed twice! That's an interesting story. You see, what happened was... Hello, Martha. He made it! Cindy. Honey! Look... Hot crowd. Hot crowd. I believe I'm here to accept an award of some kind. And the child mentioned a check. No, I didn't. All right, then, give me the award. Come on, while I'm young! 
Don't you worry, Mr. Holiday Cheer-meister, you'll get your award. But first, a little family reunion. They nursed you. They clothed you. Here they are your old biddies! Are you two still living? We missed you! Rose. The sweater. The sweater, Rose. Sweater? What are you talkin' about? No, I can't! I can't do that! Don't touch me there! 
Put him in the Chair of Cheer! Chair of Cheer? What's the Chair of Cheer? You didn't tell me about the Chair of Cheer. Please, Mr. Grinch. No. I can't do it, honestly. I'm not ready. It's too much, too soon! It's that time of year. The Cheer-meister's ride in the Chair of Cheer! Put me down! I mean it! I've got a lawyer. There'll be hell to pay! First, you'll put your taste buds to the test as you judge the Who pudding cook-off! Mine first. I really don't know... No, mine's the best! You'll enjoy this! This is not pudding. What is it? This is mine. Yummy, yummy, yummy. Christmas conga! Look at the time. I really should be getting back. All right! Fruitcake, tra-la-la! No. Fudge Judge. Made it myself. Yeah? Mine are homemade too. Okay. Put it in. Bring it on! Is that all you got? Is that all you got? Come on. Out of the way, slow-mo! Excuse me. He's number one in the sack race run! Number one! I'm number one! I'm number one! No child can beat the Grinch! I beat you. He won! And now it's time for the moment we've all been waiting for. Yes! My award. Write the check. There's no check. Are you sure? Because I thought I heard someone mention a check. I said, there's no check. And now it's time for Present Pass-it-on! As always, we start with our Cheer-meister. The gift of a Christmas shave. Look at that hack job! Yes, yes, yes. Good times! Good times. And now, I have a little something for the love of my life. Martha May please become Mrs. Augustus May-Who. Augustus.... If you agree to be my wife along with a lifetime supply of happiness, you'll also receive this: It's a new car! Generously provided by the taxpayers of Whoville! What do you say, Martha? You got 20 seconds on the clock. I.... These gifts are quite dazzling. Of course they are. That's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what it's always been about! Gifts! Gifts. Gifts, gifts, gifts. You want to know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me. In your garbage. You see what I'm saying? In your garbage! I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump! And the avarice. The avarice never ends! "I want golf clubs." "I want diamonds." "I want a pony, so I can ride it twice, get bored, and sell it to make glue." Look, I don't want to make waves, but this whole Christmas season is stupid, stupid, stupid! There is, however one teeny-tiny Christmas tradition I find quite meaningful. Mistletoe. Now, pucker up and kiss it, Whoville! 
Somebody's fabulous! All right, your turn! Go on! Let's go! No! Excuse me, old-timer. Mind if I wet my whistle? 
That's my good stuff! 
Burn, baby! Burn! 
The Whomanity! Let's go! Come on! No, wait! Do something. Right! Calling all units. Calling all units. Taxi! It's because I'm green, isn't it? Halt! Evening, folks. Mind if I ride along? You might want to scooch over. You did the right thing. Out of the way! That's gonna hurt in the morning. It's gonna blow! You fellas all right? How about a nice hat? Lou? I'm hurt, Lou. I'm hurt, and I don't hurt easily. But you and your family.... I'm so disappointed. Can we just get back to Christmas the way it should be? Grinch-less? Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! 
Cindy: I just wanted everybody to be together for Christmas. 
Grinch: I quite enjoyed that. I hope I get another invite soon. 
Come on, come on! Good thing we have a spare. 
Grinch: Suffering snorkelblatz! They're relentless! 
Only four hours till Christmas! 
Narrator: Yes the Grinch knew tomorrow all the Who girls and boys would wake bright and early and rush for their toys. 
Grinch: And then, oh the noise! Oh the noise, noise, noise noise! They'll bang on tong-tinglers They'll blow their ﬂoo-ﬂounders. They'll crash on jang-jinglers and bounce on boing-bounders. 
Narrator: Then Whos young and old would sit down to a feast. and they'll feast, and they'll feast. 
Grinch: And they'll feast feast feast feast! They'll eat their Who-pudding and rare Who roast beast! And that's something I just Can not stand in the least. Oh, no. I'm speaking in rhyme! Blast you Whos!
Narrator: And the more the Grinch thought of what Christmas would bring, the more the Grinch thought 
Grinch: I must stop this whole thing. Why for year after year I've put up with it now. I must stop this Christmas from coming - But how? I mean, in what way? 
Are you having a holly, jolly Christmas? Wrong-o! If you're not going to help me then you might as well.... 
Narrator: Then he got an idea. An awful idea. The Grinch got a wonderful, Awful idea. 
Grinch: I know just what to do.
(Grinch getting a Santa costume)
Narrator: The Grinch laughed in his throat. And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and coat. And he chuckled and clucked At this great Grinchy trick.
Grinch: With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like St. Nick. 
♪ You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch ♪ ♪ You really are a heel ♪ ♪ You're as cuddly as a cactus and as charming as an eel ♪ ♪ Mr. Grinch ♪ ♪ You're a bad banana ♪ ♪ With a greasy black peel ♪ ♪ Just face the music, you're a monster ♪ ♪ Mr. Grinch, yes, you are ♪ ♪ Your heart's an empty hole ♪ ♪ Your brain is full of spiders You got garlic in your soul ♪ ♪ Mr. Grinch ♪ ♪ I wouldn't touch you with a ♪ ♪ thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole ♪ I asked for three-quarters, not five-eighths. Stay focused! ♪ You know, if you asked the who's who of Whoville ♪ ♪ No one would deny it ♪ Air bag is a little slow. But that's what these tests are for! ♪ You're a vile one ♪ ♪ Mr. Grinch ♪ ♪ You have termites in your smile ♪ ♪ You have all the tender sweetness Of a seasick crocodile ♪ ♪ Mr. Grinch ♪ ♪ Given the choice between you ♪ ♪ I'd take the seasick crocodile ♪
Fat boy should be finishing up anytime now. Talk about a recluse. He only comes out once a year, and he never catches any flak for it! Probably lives up there to avoid the taxes. Merry Christmas! Oopsie. 
Grinch: Forgot about the reindeer! 
Narrator: Did that stop the old Grinch? No. The Grinch simply said: 
Grinch If I can't find a reindeer I'll make one instead. Oh, Max! 
Narrator: So he called his dog Max , And he took some red thread, And tied a big horn On top of his head. 
All right. You're a reindeer. Here's your motivation. You're Rudolph, a freak with a red nose, nobody likes you. Then one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. No, forget that part. We'll improvise. Just keep it kind of loosey-goosey. You hate Christmas! You're gonna steal it! Saving Christmas was a lousy ending. Way too commercial. Action! Brilliant! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism! Why didn't I think of that? Cut, print, check the gate. Moving on. That feels good. Here goes nothin', hot dog! Wow! This is nuts! On, Crasher! On, Thrasher! On, Vomit and Blitzkrieg! We're gonna die! We're gonna die! I'm going to throw up, and then I'm gonna die! Mommy, tell it to stop! Almost lost my cool there. 
Narrator: All their windows were dark. Quiet snow ﬁlled the air. All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care When he came to the ﬁrst little house on the square... 
Grinch: Welcome to Whoville, Max. 
Betty? Betty? What? Did you hear something? It's Santa! Go right back to sleep. 
Grinch: Come on Max, this is our ﬁrst stop 
Narrator: The old Grinchy Claus hissed. And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his ﬁst. He'd slide down the chimney, a rather tight pinch, But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch. He's planning a double-twisting interrupted forward-flying 2-and-a-half with a combo tuck and pike. High degree of difficulty. 
He got stuck only once, For a moment or two... 
Blasted water weight! Goes right to my hips. ..
Then he stuck his head out of the ﬁreplace ﬂue. 
A little more stealth, please. Where the little 
Who stockings all hung in a row. 
Grinch: These stockings....
Narrator: he grinned...
Grinch: ....are the ﬁrst thing to go. Okay, fellas. Show time. 
Narrator: Then he slunk to the icebox... 
Grinch: Slunk? 
Narrator: He eyed the Whos' feast. He took the Who pudding. He took the roast beast.
Hike!
Narrator: He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a ﬂash. Why that Grinch, he even took their last can of Who-hash. Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee. 
(Grinch throws bag up the "chimney") 
Grinch: And now--
Narrator: grinned the Grinch---
Grinch: I'll stuff up the tree. 
Narrator: And the Grinch grabbed the tree and he started to shove, when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
(Cindy Lou Enters in Pajamas)
Cindy Lou: Excuse me? 
Narrator: The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who daughter who'd got out of be for a cup of cold water. 
Cindy Lou: Mr. Santa, what are you doing with our tree?
Narrator: But you know, that old Grinch, was so smart and so slick, he thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick. 
Grinch: Why my sweet little tot. 
Narrator: The fake Santa Claus lied. 
Grinch: There's a light on this tree That won't light on one side. So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear. I'll ﬁx it up there, Then I'll bring it back here. Santa, what's Christmas really about? Vengeance! I mean presents I suppose. I was afraid of that. 
Narrator: And his ﬁb fooled the child. Then he patted her head, and he got her a drink, (Hands Cindy Lou a cup) and he sent her to bed. 
Cindy: Santa? 
Grinch: What? 
Cindy: Don't forget the Grinch. I know he's mean and hairy and smelly. His hands might be cold and clammy. But I think he's actually kind of sweet. Sweet? You think he's sweet? Merry Christmas, Santa.
Narrator: And when Cindy Lou went up with her cup... 
Grinch: Nice kid. Bad judge of character. 
Narrator: ...he went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up. And the last thing he took was the log for their fire. On their walls he left nothing but some hooks and some wire. And the one speck of food that he'd left in the house was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse. Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant, around each Who home and he took every present.
Clearance sale. Everything must go. What now? 
Martha have you ever kissed a man who lost his tonsils twice? No, silly! But it's an experience that I've always longed for. Kiss me, you fool! What are you laughing at Rudolph? It's all you, Maxie!
Narrator: 3,000 feet up, up the side of Mount Crumpit he rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it. 
We did it! We did it! We did it! That wasn't so bad, was it, Max? 
Grinch: They'll be waking up now And I know just what they'll do. All those Whos down in Whoville Will all cry 
What an embarrassment! I've been robbed! 
Mayor May-Who? 
Oh, dear. I wonder who could have done this. Tell you people one thing: Invite the Grinch destroy Christmas. Invite the Grinch destroy Christmas! But did anyone listen to me? I did. No. You choose to listen to a little not-to-be-taken-seriously girl who hasn't even grown into her nose yet. Cindy, I hope you're very proud of what you've done. If she isn't, I am. Father: I'm glad he took our presents. What? I.... I'm glad. He's glad. 
Mayor: You're glad. You're glad everything is gone. You're glad that the Grinch virtually wrecked.... No, not wrecked, pulverized Christmas. Is that what I'm hearing? 
Father: You can't hurt Christmas, Mr. Mayor, because it isn't about the gifts or the contests or the fancy lights. That's what Cindy's been trying to tell everyone! And me. She's been trying to tell me. 
Mayor: What's wrong with you? This is a child! 
Father: She's my child. And she happens to be right, by the way. I don't need anything more for Christmas than this right here, my family! Who's all cheering: Merry Christmas, everybody! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas, you hunk of burnin' Who! Give me a break. Merry Christmas! 
Cindy:Mr. Grinch? Mr. Grinch? 
Grinch: Now for the final note in my symphony of downright nasty not-niceness! The crescendo of my odious opus! The wailing and the gnashing of teeth. The bellowing of the bitterly bummed out! It'll be like music to my ears! 
Narrator: Then the Grinch heard a sound Rising over the snow. It started in low, Then it started to grow. But the sound wasn't sad. Why, this sounded merry. But it was merry. Very. Every Who down in Whoville, The tall and the small, were singing without any presents at all. He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming. It came. 
Grinch: Somehow or other, it came Just the same!
Cindy: Mr. Grinch? 
Narrator: And the Grinch, with his Grinch feet ice cold in the snow, Stood puzzling, and puzzling.
Grinch: How could it be so? It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes or bags! 
Narrator: And he puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. 
Grinch: Maybe Christmas he thought doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. (Grinch in pain - heart is growing) Help me! I'm feeling! 
Narrator: And what happened then, well, in Whoville they say, that the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day. 
Grinch:What's happening to me? I'm all toasty inside. And I'm leaking. Oh, Max. I love you! All right, that's enough. Knock it off. Beat it! Get out of here! One step at a time. Oh no. The sleigh. The presents. They'll be destroyed! And I care! What is the deal? Wait! This can't happen! It shouldn't! It couldn't! It mustn't! It wouldn't! Not now, not then, not ever again! Oh, well. It's just toys, right?
Cindy: Hi, Mr. Grinch! 
Grinch: Cindy Lou! What are you doing up there?
Cindy: I came to see you. No one should be alone on Christmas. 
Grinch: I got you, Cindy Lou! 
You did it! Spread eagle! Nailed it! Are you all right? Are you kiddin'? The sun is bright and the powder's bitchin'! Now scoot over! It's my turn to drive! I'd better slow this buggy down! We're gonna crash! Now you listen to me, young lady! Even if we're horribly mangled there'll be no sad faces on Christmas. What is it? Help! Cindy! Grinch? My baby! Grab an end. By the way, these lights match your outfit perfectly. This could be more difficult to negotiate. Heads up, Whoville! Hurry! Here he comes! Out of the way! I have no insurance! Yeah! Run for your lives! Watch out, I can't stop! Daddy, move! Dad, move it! Thanks for the help. Hi, Daddy! Hi, Cindy, honey! Merry Christmas one and all! Cindy! Mommy! All right. What do we have here? You got me, Officer! I did it! I'm the Grinch that stole Christmas. And I'm sorry. Aren't you gonna cuff me? Put me in a choke hold? Blind me with pepper spray? You heard him, Officer. He admitted it. I'd go with the pepper spray. Yes, I heard him, all right. He said he was sorry. Besides, it looks like everything is all here and accounted for. Help me out here, people. Martha? Merry Christmas, August May-Who! I'm afraid I do have something for you! Your ring back. Sorry but my heart belongs to someone else. No hard feelings? Cheer up, dude. It's Christmas. Merry Christmas, Mr. Grinch. Your cheek is so.... I know. Hairy? No. Greasy? Stinky? Do I have a zit? No. Warm. 
♪ Fah who foraze, dah who doraze ♪ ♪ Welcome, Christmas, come this way ♪ ♪ Fah who foraze, dah who doraze ♪ ♪ Welcome, Christmas, Christmas Day ♪ ♪ Welcome, welcome, fah who rahmus ♪ ♪Welcome, welcome, dah who dahmus ♪ ♪ Christmas Day is in our grasp ♪ ♪ So long as we have hands to clasp ♪ ♪ Fah who ray-moo ya-who hee haw ♪ ♪ Welcome, Christmas, bring your cheer ♪ ♪ Fah who foraze ♪ ♪ Dah who doraze, welcome all Whos ♪ ♪ far ♪ ♪ and ♪ ♪ near ♪ 
Narrator: So he brought back the toys and the food for the feast. And he - he himself, the Grinch, carved the roast beast. 
Yeah! There's nothin' like the holidays. Who wants the gizzard? I do! Too late! That'll be mine. 
♪ ♪ Where are you Christmas ♪ ♪ I think I found you ♪ ♪ This time I'll make you stay ♪ ♪ You'll hear us singing ♪ ♪ Bells will be ringing ♪ ♪ Now and forever ♪ ♪ Christmas Day! ♪ ♪
Faith Hill: ♪ ♪ Where are you, Christmas ♪ ♪ Why can't I find you ♪ ♪ Why have you gone away ♪ ♪ Where is the laughter ♪ ♪ You used to bring me ♪ ♪ Why can't I hear music play ♪ ♪ My world is changing ♪ ♪ I'm rearranging ♪ ♪ Does that mean Christmas ♪ ♪ Changes too ♪ ♪ Where are you, Christmas ♪ ♪ Do you remember ♪ ♪ The one you used to know ♪ ♪ I'm not the same one ♪ ♪ See what the time's done ♪ ♪ Is that why you have ♪ ♪ Let me go ♪ ♪ Christmas is here ♪ ♪ Everywhere ♪ ♪ Christmas is here ♪ ♪ If you care ♪ ♪ If there is love ♪ ♪ In your heart and your mind ♪ ♪ You will feel like Christmas ♪ ♪ all the time ♪ ♪ I feel you, Christmas ♪ ♪ I know I've found you ♪ ♪ You never fade away ♪ ♪ The joy of Christmas ♪ ♪ Stays here in silence ♪ ♪ Fills each and every heart ♪ ♪ With love. ♪ ♪
Ben Folds: ♪ ♪ They're makin' noise ♪ ♪ Noise, noise, noise ♪ ♪ How I hate their happy noise ♪ ♪ There's only one thing I hate more ♪ ♪ Come to think of it ♪ ♪ And that's the people who keep ♪ ♪ Makin' it ♪ ♪ Feast, feast, feast, feast ♪ ♪ They'll have more than anyone could ever eat ♪ ♪ Me, I'm stuck here with my ♪ ♪ Cream of wheat ♪ ♪ There's no one here to feast with me ♪ ♪ On this lonely Christmas Eve ♪ ♪ Don't they know I'm up here all alone ♪ ♪ In my cave up in the hills ♪ ♪ How I wish that this would go away ♪ ♪ This dreadful holiday ♪ ♪ That they call Christmas Day ♪ ♪ It's a lonely Christmas Eve. ♪ ♪
Barenaked Ladies: ♪ ♪ The streets are filled with Christmas cheer ♪ ♪ At least it's only once a year ♪ ♪ Perfect parcels tied with perfect bows ♪ ♪ And carols ringing in my ear ♪ ♪ Bundled up against the cold lines wherever gifts are sold ♪ ♪ Each shop window displays a Christmas scene ♪ ♪ For everybody young and old ♪ ♪ Icicles on eaves troughs and tinsel on the tree ♪ ♪ But it's a green Christmas for me ♪ ♪ Couples skating on the pond ♪ ♪ Makin' angels on the lawn ♪ ♪ Five red mittens drying on the rack ♪ ♪ And needle-shedding Tannenbaum ♪ ♪ Red bows on the railings and snowflakes on the ground ♪ ♪ But it's a green Christmas in this town ♪ ♪ Green ♪ ♪ 'Cause of everything I miss ♪ ♪ All this mistletoe, no kiss ♪ ♪ And with every Christmas wish ♪ ♪ There would be no greater gift ♪ ♪ Than to have this envy lift ♪ ♪ Carolers are at my door ♪ ♪ Don't wanna hear them anymore ♪ ♪ Stockings on the mantel ♪ ♪ The snow's here every day ♪ ♪ But it's a green Christmas anyway ♪ ♪ Red nose on the reindeer ♪ ♪ Tinsel on the tree ♪ ♪ But it's a green Christmas for me. ♪ ♪
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