Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2/Transcript

[Missouri, Earth, 1980. Meredith Quill & Ego are driving along a dirt road in Missouri singing along to "Brandy you're a fine girl" by Looking Glass. The two get out of the car and run into a forest.]
Meredith Quill: Where are you taking me?
Ego: Come on, come on. Look!
[Meredith spots a seedling that looks not of this Earth.]
Meredith: Oh, it’s beautiful.
Ego: I was afraid it wouldn’t take to the soil, but it grew quickly and soon, it will be everywhere, all across the universe!
Meredith: Well, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I like the way you say it.
Ego: My heart is yours, Meredith Quill.
Meredith: I can’t believe that I fell in love with a spaceman.
[They kiss]
[34 Years Later - The Sovereign, The Guardians of the Galaxy, consisting of Peter "Star Lord" Quill, Gamora, Drax and Rocket, stand around waiting for something big to show up.]
Peter Quill: Show time, A-holes! it will be here any minute.
Gamora: Which it will be its last.
Quill: I thought your thing was a sword?
Gamora: We’ve been hired to stop an inter-dimensional beast from feeding on those batteries and I’m going to stop it with a sword?
Quill: It’s just… swords were your thing and guns were mine, but… I guess we’re both doing guns now. I just didn’t know that.
Gamora: Drax, why aren’t you wearing one of Rocket’s Aero-Rigs?
Drax the Destroyer: It hurts.
Gamora: Hurts?
Drax: I have sensitive nipples.
Rocket Raccoon: [in a mocking tone] Wa-ha-ha-ha! My nipples hurt! Oh, goodness me!
Drax: What about him, what’s he doing?
Rocket: I’m finishing this so we can listen to tunes while we work.
Drax: How is that important?
Rocket: Blame Quill, he’s the one who loves music so much!
Quill: No, I actually agree with Drax on this, that’s hardly important right now.
Rocket: [winking] Oh, ok, sure Quill
Quill: No, seriously, I side with Drax.
Rocket: I understand that, your being very serious right now.
Drax: I can clearly see you winking!
Rocket: Damn, I’m using my left eye?
[Groot, still a baby terrorizes orloni and looks at Rocket.]
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: They were not looking at you funny. [sees the Abilisk] Oh, well that’s intense.
[While the Guardians fight off the Abilisk, Baby Groot plugs in the cord to Peter Quill's stereo and starts playing "Mr. Blue Sky" by ELO and begins dancing]
Quill: Groot!
Gamora: Groot, get out of the way your going to get hurt! [Baby Groot waves] Hi!
[Baby Groot continues dancing; Drax falls down next to him and every time he looks at Baby Groot, Baby Groot stops dancing. Baby Groot notices a fly buzzing around and he tries to catch it, he grabs it and puts it in his mouth.]
Rocket: No, no! Spit it out! Come on! That’s disgusting.
[Rocket removes the bug from Baby Groot's mouth. Baby Groot hops on top of an Orloni and hops around the giant Abilisk. Baby Groot jumps off the Orloni and continues dancing until Drax falls on top of Peter Quill's stereo and smashes it; Baby Groot gets angry and tries to kick Drax]
Drax: The beast’s hide is too thick to be pierced from the outside! I must cut through it from the inside.
Gamora: What? No, Drax! Drax!
Quill: What’s he doing?!
Gamora: He said that the skin is to thick to be pierced on the outside so…
Quill: That doesn’t make any sense!
Gamora: I tried telling him that!
Quill: Skin has the same level of thickness on the inside as it is on the outside!
Gamora: I realize that!
Quill: There’s a cut on its neck! Rocket, get it to look up!.
Rocket: Alright, you giant sea monkey, up here! Whoa, watch it Quill!
Drax: Yes! I have single-handily vanquished the beast! [Groot throws something in his face] What? What are they called again?
Quill: Anulax batteries.
Drax: Harbulary batteries.
Quill: That’s nothing like what I just said. But they’re worth thousands of units apiece… which is why the Sovereign hired us to protect them. Careful what you say around these folks. They’re easily offended. The cost of transgression is death.
Ayesha: We thank you, Guardians, for putting your lives on the line. We could not risk the lives of our own Sovereign citizens. Every citizen is born exactly as designed by the community. Impeccable, both physically and mentally. We control the DNA of our progeny… germinating them in birthing pods.
Quill: I guess I prefer to make people the old-fashioned way.
Ayesha: Perhaps someday, you could give me a history lesson… in the archaic ways of our ancestors. For academic purposes.
Quill: I would be honored, yes. In the name of research…I think that could be pretty, uh… [notices Gamora staring at him and he quickly changes his answer] …repulsive.I’m not into that kind of casual…
Gamora: [interrupting Peter] Oh, please. Your people promised something in exchange for our services. Bring it… and we shall gladly be on our way.
[The Sovereign guards bring a hooded figure nto the courtroom and throw her on the ground and pull back her hood, to reveal Gamora’s sister, Nebula]
Quill: Family reunion. Yay.
Ayesha: I understand she is your sister.
Gamora: She’s worth no more to me than the bounty due for her on Xandar.
Ayesha: Our soldiers apprehended her attempting to steal the batteries. Do with her as you please.
Quill: We thank you, High Priestess Ayesha.
Ayesha: What is your heritage, Mr. Quill?
Quill: My mother is from Earth.
Ayesha: And your father?
Quill: He ain’t from Missouri. That’s all I know.
Ayesha: I see it within you. An unorthodox genealogy. A hybrid that seems particularly… reckless.
Rocket: [after hearing Ayesha insulted Peter] You know, they told me you people were conceited douchebags, but that isn’t true at all. [Winks] Oh, shit. I’m using my wrong eye again, aren’t I? I’m sorry. [Drax picks Rocket up from the scruff of his vest and carries him briefly] That was meant to be behind your back. [Drax puts Rocket down]
Drax: Count yourself blessed they didn’t kill you.
Rocket: You’re telling me. [shows Drax the batteries] You wanna buy some batteries? [Drax laughs out loud but Rocket quickly shushes him. On The Milano, "Lake Shore Drive" plays] All right, let’s get baldy to Xandar and collect that bounty.
Quill: That stuff about my father… Who does she think she is?
Gamora: I know you’re sensitive about that.
Quill: I’m not sensitive about it. I just don’t know who he is. Sorry if it seemed like I was flirting with the High Priestess. I wasn’t.
Gamora: I don’t care if you were.
Quill: Well, I feel like you do care. That’s why I’m apologizing. So, sorry!
Drax: Gamora is not the one for you, Quill.
Quill: Damn shadow.
Drax: There are two types of beings in the universe… those who dance, and those who do not.
Quill: Mmm-hmm.
Drax: I first met my beloved at a war rally.
Quill: Oh, God.
Drax: Everyone in the village flailed about, dancing. Except one woman. My Ovette. I knew immediately she was the one for me. The most melodic song in the world could be playing. She wouldn’t even tap her foot. Wouldn’t move a muscle. One might assume she was dead.
Quill: That does sound pretty hot.
Drax: It would make my nether regions engorge.
Quill: Okay. I get it, yes. I’m a dancer, Gamora is not.
Drax: You just need to find a woman who is pathetic… like you.
Quill: Mmm.
Nebula: I’m hungry. Hand me some of that yaro root.
Gamora: No. It’s not ripe yet… and I hate you.
Nebula: You hate me? You left me there while you stole that stone for yourself. And yet here you stand, a hero. I will be free of these shackles soon enough, and I will kill you. I swear.
Gamora: No. You’re gonna live out the rest of your days in a prison on Xandar… wishing you could.
Quill: This is weird, we got a Sovereign fleet approaching from the rear.
Gamora: Why would they do that?
Drax: Probably ‘cause Rocket stole some of their batteries.
Rocket: Dude!
Drax: [awkwardly] Right… he didn’t steal some of those. I don’t know why they’re after us, what a mystery this is.
Quill: What were you thinking?
Rocket: Dude, they were really easy to steal!
Gamora: That’s your defense?
Rocket: Come on! You saw how that High Priestess talked down to us. Now I’m teaching her a lesson!
Quill: I didn’t realize your motivation was altruism. It’s really a shame the Sovereign’s mistaking your intentions and they’re trying to kill us.
Rocket: Exactly.
Quill: I was being sarcastic!
Rocket: Oh, no! You’re supposed to use a sarcastic voice! Now I look foolish!
Gamora: Can your bickering on a hold until after we survive this massive space battle?
Quill: More incoming!
Rocket: Good, I want to kill some guys!
Sovereign Woman: Damn it!
Ayesha: What is the delay, Admiral?
Sovereign Admiral: High Priestess, the batteries, they are exceptionally combustible… and could destroy the entire fleet.
Ayesha: Our concern is their slight against our people. We hired them and they steal from us. It is heresy of the highest order.
Sovereign Admiral: All command modules… fire with the intent to kill.
Quill: What’s the nearest habitable planet?
Gamora: It’s called Berhert.
Quill: How many jumps?
Gamora: Only one. But the access point is 47 clicks away. And you have to go through that quantum asteroid field.
Drax: Quill, to make it through that you’d have to be the greatest pilot in the universe.
Quill: Lucky for us, I…
Rocket: I am. What are you doing?
Quill: I’ve been flying this rig since I was 10 years old.
Rocket: I was cybernetically engineered to pilot a spacecraft.
Quill: You were cybernetically engineered to be a douchebag!
Gamora: Stop it.
Rocket: Later on tonight, you’re gonna be laying down, there’s gonna be something squishy in your pillowcase. And you’re gonna be like, "what’s this?", and it’s gonna be because I put a turd in there.
Quill: You put your turd in my bed and I shave you!
Rocket: Oh, it won’t be my turd. It’ll be Drax’s.
Drax: [laughs] I have famously huge turds!
Gamora: We’re about to die, and this is what we’re discussing?
Rocket: Son of a…
Quill: Dude! Seriously!
Rocket: Hey! Let me…
Nebula: Idiots!
Rocket: [smiles] Well, that’s what you get when Quill flies.
[Gamora throws something at Rocket]
Gamora: We still have a Sovereign craft behind us.
Quill: Our weapons are down.
Gamora: 20 clicks to the jump! Hold on.
[Nebula tries to steal another fruit, but Drax kicks it out of her grasp.]
Drax: It’s not ripe.
[In Sovereign control, Zylak is one of the few ones controlling a droid.]
Zylak's Frenemy Come on, Zylak. You can do this.
All Sovereign: Yes!
[In the Milano cockpit]
Gamora: 15 clicks to the jump!
All Sovereign: Come on! Keep going!
Gamora: 10 clicks!
Drax: Die, spaceship!
[Drax hits the ship with his shot and destroys Zylak's ship]
Sovereign: You suck, Zylak.
Sovereign Woman: Typical.
Gamora: Five clicks!
Quill: Son of a… They went around the field!
Sovereign General: Someone destroyed all our ships!
Ayesha: What? Who?
Gamora: One click!
Rocket: What is that?
Quill: Who cares? That’s the jump point! Go!
Rocket: It’s a guy.
Gamora: [noticing Drax is still out there] Oh, my God. He’s still out there?
Quill: Groot, put your seatbelt on! Prepare for a really bad landing!
Drax: [laughing] That was awesome! Yes!
[All the Guardians are out of their ship and notice the Milano is destroyed.]
Gamora: Look at this! Where is the other half of our ship?
Quill: My ship.
Gamora: Either one of you could have gotten us through that field… had you flown with what’s between your ears instead of what’s between your legs!
Quill: If what’s between my legs had a hand on it… I guarantee I could have landed this ship with it.
Gamora: [in a scolding tone] Peter, we almost died because of your arrogance.
Quill: More like because he stole… the Anulax batteries!
Drax: They’re called Harbulary batteries.
Quill: No, they’re not!
Rocket: Do you know why I did it, Star-Munch? Hmm?
Quill: I'm not gonna answer to "Star-Munch."
Rocket: I did it because I wanted to!
Quill: Dick.
Rocket: What are we even talking about this for? We just had a little man save us by blowing up fifty ships!
Drax: How little?
Rocket: [holding his thumb and forefinger close together] Well, I don't know, like this?
Gamora: [skeptically] A little one-inch man saved us?
Rocket: Well, if he got closer, I'm sure he would be much larger.
Quill: It's how eyesight works, you stupid raccoon.
Rocket: Don't call me a racoon!
Quill: I'm sorry. I took it too far. I meant trash panda.
[Rocket looks around in confusion]
Rocket: Is that better?
Drax: I don't know.
Quill: [snickering] It's worse. It's so much worse.
Rocket: You son of a…
Quill: Hey!
Rocket: I’ve had it with you!
Quill: No! Back up!
Nebula: [notices a ship coming through] Someone followed you through the jump point. Set me free, you’ll need my help.
Gamora: I’m not a fool, Nebula.
Nebula: You are a fool if you deprive yourself a hand in combat.
Gamora: You’ll attack me the moment I let you go.
Nebula: [terrible at lying] No, I won’t.
Quill: You’d think an evil supervillain would learn how to properly lie.
Drax: I bet it’s the one-inch man.
Ego: After all these years, I’ve found you.
Peter Quill: And who the hell are you?
Ego: I figured my rugged good looks would make that obvious. My name is Ego… and I’m your dad, Peter.
Howard the Duck: You know what they say… "You’re out of luck until you’ve gone duck."
Tullk: Yondu! Come on down!
Stakar Ogord: After going around years in circles… with this woman I end up marrying. I said, "Aleta, I love you, girl… "but you’re losing your mind!" Then again, she’s always been that way. I could never trust her. You know?
Yondu Udonta: Stakar. It’s been some time.
Stakar: It seems like this establishment is the wrong kind of disreputable.
Yondu: Stakar!
Stakar: There’s a hundred Ravager factions. You lost the business of 99 of them by serving one.
Inn Keeper's Wife: Please, sir. Please!
Stakar: Get away from me.
Yondu: You can go to hell then. I don't give a damn what you think of me.
Stakar: So what are you following us for?"
Yondu: Are you gonna listen to what I gotta say?!
Stakar: I don't gotta listen to nothing, you betrayed the code. Ravagers don't deal in kids!
Yondu: I told you before, I didn't know what was going on...
Stakar: You didn't know cause you didn't wanna know cause that made you rich.
Yondu: I demand a seat on the table. I wear these flames, same as you!
Stakar: You may dress like us, but you'll never hear the hordes of freedom when you die Yondu, and the colors of Ogord will never flash over your grave. If you think I take pleasure in exiling you, you're wrong. You broke all our hearts.
Taserface: Ah, pathetic. First, Quill betrays us… and Yondu just lets him go scot-free. We followed him because he was the one… who wasn’t afraid to do what needed to be done. Seems he’s goin’ soft.
Kraglin Obfonteri: If he’s so soft, why are you whispering?
Taserface: You know I’m right, Kraglin.
Tullk: You best be very careful what you say about our captain.
'Ravager: [sees Ayesha] Who the hell is that?
Ayesha: Yondu Udonta… I have a proposition for you.
Ego: I hired Yondu to pick you up when your mother passed away. But instead of returning you, Yondu kept you. I have no clue as to why.
Quill: Well, I’ll tell you why. Because I was a skinny little kid who could squeeze into places adults couldn’t. It made it easier for thievin’.
Ego: Well, I’ve been trying to track you down ever since.
Drax: I thought Yondu was your father.
Quill: What? We’ve been together this whole time… and you thought Yondu was my actual blood relative?
Drax: You look exactly alike.
Rocket Raccoon: One’s blue!
Peter Quill: No, he’s not my father! Yondu was the guy who abducted me, kicked the crap out of me so I could learn to fight, and kept me in terror by threatening to eat me.
Ego: Eat you?
Peter Quill: Yeah.
Ego: Oh, that son of a bitch.
Gamora: How’d you locate us now?
Ego: Well, even where I reside, out past the edge of what’s known… we’ve heard tell about the man they call Star-Lord. What say we head out there right now? Your associates are welcome. Even that triangle-faced monkey there. I promise you… it’s unlike any other place you’ve ever seen. And there… I can explain your very special heritage. Finally get to be… the father I’ve always wanted to be. Excuse me. I’ve gotta take a whiz. [goes to the bathroom; Peter looks at Gamora, still not believing his father]
Quill: I’m not buying it.
Gamora: Let’s go take a walk.
Mantis: [smiles; to Drax] I am Mantis.
Drax: What are you doing?
Mantis: Smiling. I hear it is the thing to do to make people like you.
Drax: Not if you do it like that.
Mantis: Oh… I was raised alone on Ego’s planet. I do not understand the intricacies of social interaction. Can I pet your puppy? It is adorable.
Drax: Yes. That is called a practical joke!
Mantis: I liked it very much!
Drax: I just made it up!
Quill: Give me a break! After all this time, you’re gonna show up, and all of a sudden you wanna be my dad?
Gamora: I hear you.
Quill: And by the way, this could be a trap. The Kree purists, the Ravagers… they all want us dead.
Gamora:I know, but…
Quill: But what?
Gamora: What was that story you once told me about Zardu Hasselfrau?
Quill: Who?
Gamora: He owned a magic boat?
Quill: [long pause] David Hasselhoff?
Gamora: Right.
Quill: Not a magic boat. A talking car.
Gamora: Why did he talk again?
Quill: To help him fight crime, and to be supportive!
Gamora: As a child, you would carry his picture in your pocket… and you would tell all the other children… that he was your father, but that he was out of town.
Quill: Shooting Knight Rider or touring with his band in Germany. I told you that when I was drunk. Why are you bringing that up now?
Gamora: I love that story.
Quill: I hate that story. It’s so sad! As a kid, I used to see all the other kids off playing catch with their dad. And I wanted that, more than anything in the world!
Gamora: That’s my point, Peter. What if this man is your Hasselhoff? If he ends up being evil… we will just kill him.
Nebula: You’re leaving me with that fox?
Gamora: He’s not a fox. Shoot her if she does anything suspicious. Or if you feel like it.
Rocket: Okay.
Gamora: [to Groot] It’ll be just a couple of days. We’ll be back before Rocket’s finished fixing the ship. [Groot gives her a sad smile and wave.]
Drax: What if the Sovereign come?
Quill: There’s no way for them to know we’re here. Let’s go.
Drax: I’m uncertain about parting ways.
Quill: God, you’re like an old woman.
Drax: Because I’m wise?
Gamora: Why do you have so much luggage?
Drax: I don’t want Groot playing with my things.
Rocket: I hope Daddy isn’t as big of a dick as you, orphan boy.
Quill: What is your goal here? To get everybody to hate you? Because it’s working.
[Quill, Gamora and Drax enter Ego's ship, which immediately takes off.]
Quill: Hey, can I ask you a personal question?
Mantis: [shocked] Oh… No one has ever asked me a personal question.
Quill: Your antennas. What are they for?
Mantis: Their purpose?
Drax: Yes. Quill and I have a bet.
Quill: Dude. You're not supposed to say that…
Drax: I say: if you are about to go through a doorway that is too low, your antennae will feel this, and keep you from being decapitated.
Quill: Right, and if it's anything other than specifically not being decapitated by a doorway, I win.
Mantis: They are not for feeling doorways! [Drax groans, Peter laughs] I think they have something to do with my empathic abilities.
Gamora: What are those?
Mantis: If I touch someone, I can feel their feelings.
Quill: You read minds?
Mantis: No. Telepaths know thoughts. Empaths feel feelings, emotions. May I?
Quill: Alright.
Mantis: [touches Quill's hand; as she feels his feelings, her antennas lit up] You feel… love!
Quill: Yeah, I guess I feel a general, unselfish love for just about everybody around me.
Mantis: No. Romantic, sexual love…
Quill: No… no, I don't…
Mantis: For her! [points at Gamora]
Quill: No! [Gamora looks surprised] That is not… [Drax suddenly starts laughing uproariously] Okay. [Drax continues laughing and points at Peter as he groans] That's…
Drax: She just told everyone your deepest, darkest secret!
Quill: Dude, come on! I think you're overreacting a little bit.
Drax: You must be so embarrassed!
[Drax continues cackling as Gamora is in amusement]
Drax: [to Mantis] Do me! Do me, do me!
[She reaches over and touches his chest, and immediately starts laughing along with him]
Mantis: I have never felt such humor!
[Drax and Mantis are laughing and pointing at Peter]
Quill: [to himself] So unbelievably uncool.
Drax: [stops laughing] Oh, Quill…
[Mantis, who is giggling, walks over to Gamora to touch her]
Gamora: [suddenly grabs her wrist] Touch me, and the only thing you're gonna feel is a broken jaw. [pause as Mantis looks scared and looks at Gamora, before she finally lets go of Mantis' wrist]
Mantis: I can… also alter emotions to some extent.
Peter Quill: Yeah, like what?
Mantis: If I touch someone who is sad, I can ease them into contentment for a short while. I can make a stubborn person compliant. But I mostly use it to help my master sleep. He lies awake at night, thinking about his progeny.
Drax: …Do one of those on me! [Mantis puts her hand on Drax's head]
Mantis: Sleep. [Suddenly, Drax immediately falls asleep and snores loudly]
[Scene changes to Rocket on Berhert]
Rocket: I love this song.
Ravager: Ain’t so tough now without all your toys… are you?
Rocket: Crap.
Yondu: Hey there, rat!
Rocket: How's it goin', you blue idiot?
Yondu: Not so bad! We got ourselves a pretty good little gig here! This golden gal with quite a high opinion of herself has offered us a large sum to deliver you and your pals over to her, because she wants to kill y'all.
[All the Ravagers laugh; back to the destroyed Milano]
Nebula: [to Baby Groot] Your friend… There's too many of them. He needs my help. If you care about him… You need to get me out of these bonds. They are going to kill him!
Yondu: [to Rocket] I tell you, it was pretty easy to find you. I put a tracer on your ship back there… during the war over Xandar.
Rocket: Give me your word you won't hurt Groot, and I'll tell you where the batteries are.
Yondu: [chuckles a little] Lucky for you, my word don't mean squat. Otherwise, I'd actually hand you over.
Taserface: Otherwise, you'd what?
Yondu We'll take them batteries! They’re worth what? A quarter mill on the open market?
Taserface: That Priestess offered us a million! A quarter is only… one-third of that!
Yondu: A quarter ain't a third…
Gef: A quarter is 25. [Yondu shakes his head]
Yondu: No.
Gef: We can't even buy a pair of boots with 25 units.
Yondu: Enough! The point is, we ain't stupid enough to help kill the Guardians of the Galaxy! The whole dang Nova Corps would be on us.
Kraglin: [off-screen] That ain't right! I just gotta say it this one time, Cap'n… No matter how many times Quill betrays you, you protect him like none of the rest of us much matter!
Ravagers: Yeah!!
Kraglin: I'm the one what sticks up for you!
Tullk: Take it easy, Kraglin.
Taserface: Damn straight, lad! He's gone soft. Suppose it’s time for a change in leadership!
[All the Ravagers start agreeing as they cock their guns at each other and Yondu prepares to whistle his Yaka arrow; the Ravagers continue to yell and holding their weapons at each other]
Tullk: Put your damn guns down!!
Rocket: Whoa! Whoa. There must be some kind of peaceful resolution to this, fellas… or even a violent one where I'm standing over there.
[Suddenly, a blast destroys Yondu's control fin, knocking him unconscious, and we see Nebula behind them.]
Nebula: Well, hello boys. [takes a bite of the root she's holding; spits it out] It’s not ripe.
[George Harrison's "My Sweet Lord" plays, as the three Guardians, Ego and Mantis leave the ship, and we see the psychedelic landscape of Ego's planet.]
Ego: Welcome, everyone, to my world.
Quill: Wow. You have your own planet?
Ego: Come on. No larger than your Earth’s Moon.
Drax: Humility. I like it. I, too, am extraordinarily humble.
Gamora: You own a planet and can destroy two dozen spaceships without a suit. What are you exactly?
Ego: I’m what’s called a Celestial, sweetheart.
Quill: A Celestial, like a god?
Ego: Mmm, small "g," son. At least on the days I’m feeling humble as Drax. I don’t know where I came from exactly. First thing I remember is flickering… adrift in the cosmos utterly… and entirely alone. Over millions of years… I learned to control the molecules around me. I grew smarter and stronger. And I continued building from there… layer by layer… the very planet you walk on now. But I wanted more. I desired… meaning. "There must be some life out there in the universe… besides just me," I thought. And so, I set myself the task of finding it. I created… what I imagined biological life to be like… down to the most minute detail.
Drax: Did you make a penis?
Quill: Dude!
Gamora: What is wrong with you?
Drax: If he is a planet, how could he make a baby with your mother? He would smush her!
Quill: I don’t need to hear how my parents…
Drax: Why? My father would tell the story of impregnating my mother every winter solstice.
Quill: That’s disgusting.
Drax: It was beautiful. You Earthers have hang-ups.
Ego: Yes, Drax, I got a penis.
Drax: Ha! Thank you!
Ego: It’s not half bad.
Drax: Oh.
Quill: - Ugh.
Ego: I’ve also got pain receptors, and a digestive system… and all the accompanying junk. I wanted to experience what it truly meant to be human… as I set out amongst the stars… until I found… what I sought. Life. I was not alone in the universe after all.
Quill: When did you meet my mother?
Ego: Not long after. It was with Meredith that I first experienced love. I called her my river lily. And from that love, Peter… you. I have searched for you for so long. And when I heard of a man from Earth… who held an Infinity Stone in his hand without dying… I knew you must be the son of the woman I loved.
Peter Quill: If you loved her, why did you leave her?
[Scene changes to the Ravagers' ship.]
Tullk: This is mutiny! This is mutiny!
Oblo: Captain! Help me! Please! Captain!
Taserface: You're the one what killed those men… by leading them down the wrong path. Because you're weak. And stupid! It's time for the Ravagers… to rise once again to glory with a new captain… Taserface!
Rocket: I'm sorry. Your name is… It's Taserface?
Taserface: That's right.
Rocket: Do you shoot tasers out of your face?
Taserface: It's metaphorical!
Rocket: For what?
Taserface: For it is a name what strikes fear… into the hearts of anyone what hears it.
Rocket: Okay… whatever you say.
Taserface: You shut up. You're next. Udonta, I have waited a long time to do… What?
Rocket: I'm sorry. I am so sorry! I just keep imagining you waking up in the morning, sir… looking in the mirror and then in all seriousness saying to yourself… "You know what would be a really kick-ass name? "Taserface!" That’s how I hear you in my head! What was your second choice? Scrotum Hat?
Taserface: New plan. We're killing you first.
Rocket: Well, dying is certainly better than having to live an entire life… as a moronic shitbag who thinks Taserface is a cool name.
Nebula: That’s enough killing for today.
Ravager: She's the daughter of Thanos.
Taserface: I thought you were the biggest sadist in the galaxy.
Nebula: That was when Daddy was paying my bills. The Priestess wants to kill the fox herself. And he has bounties on his head in at least 12 Kree provinces. I assure you… I am not as easy a mark as an old man without his magic stick… or a talking woodland beast. I want 10% of the take… and a couple more things.
Kraglin: We got a whole box of hands… if that one don’t work out.
Nebula: It is fine.
Kraglin: You think them Kree is gonna execute the captain?
Nebula: The Kree consider themselves merciful. It will be painless.
Kraglin: Well, here it is. It’s the best ship we got. Location of Ego’s planet in the nav. We’ll wire you the 10% once we’s paid. What are you gonna do with your share?
Nebula: As a child, my father would have Gamora and me battle one another in training. Every time my sister prevailed… my father would replace a piece of me with machinery… claiming he wanted me to be her equal. But she won… again and again, and again, never once refraining. So after I murder my sister… I will buy a warship with every conceivable instrument of death. I will hunt my father like a dog, and I will tear him apart slowly… piece by piece… until he knows some semblance of the profound and unceasing pain… I know every single day.
Kraglin: Yeah. I was talking about, like, a pretty necklace. Or a nice hat. Something to make the other girls go, "Ooh, that’s nice!" Anyways, happy trails.
[Scene changes to Ego's planet]
Quill: My mother told everyone my father was from the stars. She had brain cancer, so everyone thought she was delusional.
Ego: Peter…
Quill: Listen, I’d love to believe all of this, I really would. But you left… the most wonderful woman ever… to die alone.
Ego: I didn’t want to leave your mother, Peter. If I don’t return regularly to my planet… and the light within it… this form will wither and perish.
Quill: So why didn’t you come back? Why did you send Yondu? A criminal, of all people, to come and fetch me?
Ego: I loved your mother, Peter! I couldn’t stand to set foot on an Earth… where she wasn’t living! You can’t imagine what that’s like!
Quill: I know exactly what that feels like! I had to watch her die!
Ego: Over the millions and millions of years of my existence… I’ve made many mistakes, Peter. But you’re not one of them. Please give me the chance to be the father she would want me to be. There’s so much that I need to teach you about this planet… and the light within. They are a part of you, Peter.
Quill: What do you mean?
Ego: Give me your hands, son. Here. Hold them like that. Now, close your eyes and concentrate. Take your brain to the center of this planet. Yes!
Quill: Whoa!
Ego: Yes! It’s okay. Just relax. Concentrate. You can do it. Bring it back. Yes! Yes, now shape it. Feel that energy. Yes. You’re home. Peter…
Drax: How did you get to this weird, dumb planet?
Mantis: Ego found me in my larva state. Orphaned on my homeworld. He raised me by hand, and kept me as his own.
Drax: So you’re a pet?
Mantis: I suppose.
Drax: People usually want cute pets. Why would Ego want such a hideous one?
Mantis: I am hideous?
Drax: You are horrifying to look at. Yes. But that’s a good thing.
Mantis: Oh?
Drax: When you’re ugly, and someone loves you… you know they love you for who you are. Beautiful people never know who to trust.
Mantis: Well, then I’m certainly grateful to be ugly.
Drax: Those pools, they remind me of a time… when I took my daughter to the forgotten lakes of my homeworld. She was like you.
Mantis: Disgusting?
Drax: Innocent.
Mantis: Drax? There’s something I must tell you. [Before she can tell him, Gamora walks through the doors with a suspicious look on her face.]
Gamora: What’s going on?
Drax: This gross bug lady is my new friend.
Mantis: I’m learning many things, like I’m a pet and ugly.
Gamora: You’re not ugly. Drax!
Drax: What are you talking about?
Gamora: [to Mantis] Mantis… can you show us where we’ll be staying? Why are there no other beings on this planet?
Mantis: The planet is Ego. A dog would not invite a flea to live on his back.
Gamora: And you’re not a flea?
Mantis: I’m a flea with a purpose. I help him sleep.
Gamora: What were you about to say to Drax before I walked out?
Mantis: Nothing. Your quarters are this way.
Taserface: We deliver you to the Kree in the morning. Neither one of you will last much longer after that.
Rocket: Okay, Taserface. Hey, tell the other guys we said… "Hi," Taserface!
(SIGHS)
Gef: What about this little plant? Can I smash it with a rock?
Taserface: No, Gef. It’s too adorable to kill. Take it to the tailor.
Rocket: No offense, but your employees are a bunch of jerks.
Yondu: I was a Kree battle slave for 20 years when Stakar freed me. He offered me a place with the Ravagers. He said all I needed to do was adhere to the code. But I was young… and greedy, and stupid. Like you stealing those batteries.
Rocket: That was mostly Drax.
Yondu: Me and Stakar and the other captains… we weren’t so different from you and your friends. The only family I ever had. When I broke the code… they exiled me. This is what I deserve.
Rocket: Slow down, drama queen. You might deserve this, but I don’t. We gotta get outta here.
Yondu: Where’s Quill?
Rocket: He went off with his old man.
Yondu: Ego?
Rocket: Yeah. It’s a day for dumbass names. (CHUCKLES) You’re smiling. And for a second, I got a warm feeling. But then it was ruined by those disgusting-ass teeth.
Yondu: You like a professional asshole or what?
Rocket: Pretty much a pro. Why didn’t you deliver Quill to Ego like you promised?
Yondu: He was skinny. Could fit into places we couldn’t. Good for thievin’.
Rocket: Uh-huh.
Yondu: I got an idea on how to get outta here. But we’re gonna need your little friend.
ALL: (CHANTING) Mascot, mascot, mascot…
(CHANTING CONTINUES)
Little fellow’s all worked up!
He needs a drink!
(COUGHING)
Look how cute it is when it’s all riled up.
It’s goddang precious!
(ALL LAUGHING)
(GRUNTING)
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
Yondu: Psst! Hey, twig! Come here. Come on.
Rocket: Aw, man… what did they do to you?
Yondu: Hey, you wanna help us get outta here? There’s something I need you to get, and bring back to me. In the captain’s quarters, there’s a prototype fin… the thing I wore on my head. There’s a drawer next to the bunk. It’s in that. It’s red. You got it?
(RAVAGERS SNORING)
(GROOT COMES BACK WITH UNDERWEAR)
Yondu: That’s my underwears.
Rocket: Yeah, I was pretty sure he didn’t know what you were talkin’ about. You have to explain it more careful.
Yondu: It’s a prototype fin.
(SCREECHING)
Rocket: That’s an orloni. It’s a fin, Groot.
Yondu: You explain it this time.
Rocket: All right.
Yondu: That’s Vorker’s eye. He takes it out when he sleeps. Go. Look again.
Rocket: But leave the eye here.
Yondu: Why?
Rocket: He’s gonna wake up tomorrow… and he’s not gonna know… where his eye is! (LAUGHING)
Rocket: That's a desk. We told you it was this big.
(GROOT RETURNS WITH A TOE)
Rocket: Tell me you guys have a refrigerator somewhere… with a bunch of severed human toes. (YONDU SHAKES HIS HEAD NO) Okay. Then let’s just agree to never discuss this.
Yondu: The drawer you wanna open has this symbol on it. Okay?
(GROOT HOLDS COIN OVER HEAD)
Yondu: What? No!
Rocket: He thinks you want him to wear it as a hat.
Yondu: That’s not what I said!
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: He’s relieved you don’t want him to.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: He hates hats.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: On anyone, not just himself.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket: One minute you think someone has a weird-shaped head… the next minute it’s just because you realize part of that head is the hat. That’s why you don’t like hats?
Yondu: This is an important conversation right now?
(SNORING)
(BURPS)
Kraglin: That ain’t it. I didn’t mean to do a mutiny. They killed all my friends.
Yondu: Get the third quadrant ready for release.
Rocket: One more thing. You got any clones of Quill’s old music on the ship?
(FEEDBACK)
(JAY & THE AMERICANS’ "COME
A LITTLE BIT CLOSER" PLAYING)
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(BOTH GASP)
(WHISTLES)
(BOTH GROANING)
Ah.
(MUSIC PLAYING IN BACKGROUND)
(GRUNTS) He’s got it!
Yondu’s got the fin!
Go!
- (WHISTLES)
- (ALL GASP)
(RAVAGERS GROANING)
(WHISTLES)
Down there!
- (WHISTLES)
- (RAVAGERS GROANING)
(SCREAMING)
Oh! (SCREAMING)
(YELLING)
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
(GROANS)
- (CONTINUES YELLING)
- (SCREAMING)
(RAVAGERS SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
(WHISTLES)
(ALL GROANING)
(YONDU WHISTLING)
(ALL GROANING)
(RAVAGERS SHOUTING)
(GROANS)
(GROANS)
(ALL LAUGHING)
(ALL CONTINUE LAUGHING)
(WHISTLES)
(WHISTLES)
- (GASPS)
- (LAUGHS)
Rocket: You maniac. The whole ship’s gonna blow.
(GROANING)
Yondu: Not the whole ship.
(WHISTLES)
(GRUNTS)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Who is this?
Taserface: I am sending you the coordinates for Yondu’s ship.
Yondu?: Release the quadrant!
Kraglin?: Aye, Captain!
Taserface: I only ask one thing. That your High Priestess… tell him the name of the man what sealed his fate. Taserface!
- (SNICKERS)
(LAUGHING)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
Yondu: Where to, Captain?
Rocket: Ego.
Yondu: No, boy! It ain’t healthy for a mammalian body to hop more than 50 jumps at a time.
Rocket: I know that.
Yondu: We are about to do 700!
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(SAM COOKE’S "BRING IT ON HOME
TO ME" PLAYING)
Quill: So I guess this could all be mine someday.
Gamora: Rocket? Rocket, are you there?
(SIGHS)
Gamora: What are you doing, Peter?
Quill: Dance with me.
Gamora: I’m not going to dance with you.
Quill: This is Sam Cooke… one of the greatest Earth singers of all time.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Quill: Drax thinks you’re not a dancer.
Gamora: If you ever tell anyone about this… I will kill you.
Quill: When are we gonna do something about this unspoken thing between us?
Gamora: What unspoken thing?
Quill: This… Cheers, Sam and Diane… a guy and a girl on a TV show who dig each other… but never say it because if they do, the ratings would go down… sort of thing.
Gamora: There’s no unspoken thing.
Quill: Well, it’s a catch-22, because if you said it, then it would be spoken… and you would be a liar. So, by not saying it… you are telling the truth, and admitting that there is.
Gamora: No, that’s not what I…
(SIGHS)
Gamora: What we should be discussing right now is something about this place. It doesn’t feel right.
Quill: What are you talking about? You’re the one who wanted me to come here!
Gamora: That girl Mantis… she’s afraid of something.
Quill: Why are you trying to take this away from me?
Gamora: I’m not trying…
Quil: He’s my father. He’s blood.
Gamora: You have blood on Earth and you never wanted to return there.
Quill: Again, you made me come here! And Earth is the place where my mother died in front of me.
Gamora: No, it’s because that place is real, and this is a fantasy.
Quill: This is real! I’m only half-human, remember?
Gamora: That’s the half I’m worried about.
Quill: Oh, I get it. You’re jealous… because I’m part-god, and you like when I’m the weak one.
Gamora: You were insufferable to begin with. I haven’t been able to reach Rocket. I’m gonna go outside, and I’m gonna try and get a signal.
Quill: You know what? This is not Cheers after all! This is whatever the show is where one person is willing… to open themselves up to new possibility, and the other person is a jerk… who doesn’t trust anybody!
Gamora: It’s a show that doesn’t exist.
Quill: That’s why it would get zero ratings!
Gamora: I don’t know what Cheers is!
Quill: I finally found my family. Don’t you understand that?
Gamora: I thought you already had.
(SIGHS)
Gamora: Damn it.
(GASPS)
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTS)
Gamora: Psychopath!
(PANTING)
- (YELLING)
- (YELPING)
(GRUNTS)
(YELPS)
(PANTING)
(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(YELLING)
- (YELPS)
- (CONTINUES YELLING)
(WHIMPERS)
(CONTINUES YELLING)
(PANTING)
(NEBULA COUGHING)
(GROANING)
- (GAMORA GRUNTING)
- (NEBULA PANTING)
(BOTH SCREAM)
(BOTH GROANING)
- (NEBULA YELLS)
- (GAMORA GROANS)
Gamora: Are you kidding me?
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(GASPING)
(YELLS)
(GAMORA COUGHING)
Nebula: I win. I win. I bested you in combat.
Gamora: No. I saved your life.
Nebula: Well, you were stupid enough to let me live.
Gamora: You let me live!
Nebula: I don’t need you always trying to beat me!
Gamora: I’m not the one that just flew across the universe just because I wanted to win.
Nebula: Do not tell me what I want.
Gamora: I don’t need to tell you what you want! It’s obvious! You were the one who wanted to win. And I just wanted a sister! You were all I had. But you were the one who needed to win.
Nebula: Thanos pulled my eye from my head… and my brain from my skull… and my arm from my body… because of you.
(NEBULA SIGHS)
(LOOKING GLASS’ "BRANDY (YOU’RE A FINE GIRL)" PLAYING)
Ego: You all right, son? I saw your girl stomp off a little earlier in quite a huff.
Quill: Yeah. (SIGHS)
Ego: It’s fortuitous… you listening to this song.
Quill: You know…
Quill: Brandy? By Looking Glass?
Ego: (CHUCKLES) A favorite of your mom’s.
Quill: Yeah, it was.
Ego: One of Earth’s greatest musical compositions. Perhaps its very greatest.
Quill: Yes!
Ego: Peter, you and I, we’re the sailor in that song.
He came on a summer’s day. Bringing gifts from far away.
Ego: Like the child I put in your mother… or the freedom you brought Gamora.
Brandy, you’re a fine girl.
What a good wife you would be.
My life, my love.
My lady is the sea.
The sea calls the sailor back.
He loves the girl, but that’s not his place.
The sea calls upon him as history calls upon great men.
Ego: And sometimes we are deprived the pleasures of mortals.
Quill: Well, you may not be mortal, but me…
Ego: No, Peter… death will remain a stranger to both of us… as long as the light burns within the planet.
Quill: I’m immortal?
Ego: Mmm-hmm.
Quill: Really?
Ego: Yes! As long as the light exists. And I can use the light to build cool things… like how you made this whole planet? It might take you a few million years of practice… before you get really good at it. But, yes!
Quill: What! Get ready for an 800-foot statue of Pac-Man with Skeletor… and Heather Locklear.
Ego: You can do anything you want.
Quill: I’m gonna make some weird shit.
Ego: But you know, Peter, it is a tremendous responsibility. Only we can remake the universe. Only we can take the bridle of the cosmos… and lead it to where it needs to go.
Quill: How?
Ego: Come with me.
(GASPS)
(SNORING)
Mantis: Drax, Drax. Drax! Drax! We need to talk.
Drax: I’m sorry. But I like a woman with some meat on her bones.
Mantis: What?
Drax: I tried to let you down easily by telling you I found you disgusting. No, that’s not what I…
(RETCHING)
Mantis: What are you doing?
Drax: I’m imagining being with you physically.
Mantis: Drax… I don’t like you like that. I don’t even like the type of thing you are.
Drax: Hey! There’s no need to get personal.
Mantis: Listen! Ego’s gotten exactly what he wanted. I should have told you earlier. I’m stupid. You are in danger.
(BOTH PANTING)
Quill: What is that?
Ego: Now, you need to readjust the way you process life. Everything around us, including the girl… Everything is temporary. We are forever.
Quill: Doesn’t eternity get boring?
Ego: Not if you have a purpose, Peter… which is why you’re here. I told you how all those years ago… I had an unceasing impulse to find life. But what I did not tell you was how, when I finally did find it… it was all so… disappointing. And that is when I came… to a profound realization. My innate desire to seek out other life… was not so that I could walk among that life. Peter… I have found meaning.
(GASPING)
Quill: I see it. Eternity.
Gamora: Oh, my God. We need to get off this planet.
(ALL SCREAMING)
Stan Lee: Oh, man. Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted… At that time, I was a Federal Express man.
(ALL SCREAMING)
(BOTH GROAN)
Yondu: WHAT THE HELL YOU DOING, BOY!?
Rocket: I could tell by how you talked about him this Ego is bad news! We’re here to save Quill!
Yondu: For what? Huh? For honor? For love? 
Rocket: No! I don’t care about those things.
Rocket: I wanna save Quill so i can prove i’m better than him! I can lord this over him forever!
(Yondu laughs in response.)
Rocket *confused*: What are you laughing at me for?
Yondu: You can fool yourself and everyone else...but you can't fool me. I know who you are.
Rocket: You don't know anything about me, loser.
Yondu: I know everything about you.
(Rocket scowls.)
Yondu: I know you play like you're the meanest and the hardest, but actually you're the most scared of all.
Rocket: Shut up!
Yondu: I know you steal batteries you don't need, and you push away anyone who's willing to put up with you, 'cause just a little bit of love reminds you of how big and empty that hole inside you actually is!
Rocket *exasperated*: I said shut up!
Yondu: I know them scientists that made you, never gave a rat's ass about you!
Rocket *voice cracking*: I'M SERIOUS, DUDE!
Yondu: JUST LIKE MY OWN DAMN PARENTS, WHO SOLD ME, THEIR OWN LITTLE BABY BOY, INTO SLAVERY!
(Rocket visibly flinches.)
Yondu: I know who you are, boy…because you're me!
Rocket Raccoon:…what kind of a pair are we...?
Yondu Udonta *resigned*: the kind that’s about to go fight a planet, I reckon.
Rocket Raccoon: All right, okay! Good... 
Rocket Raccoon:...wait...fight a what?
[Back in Drax's room, Gamora attacks Mantis and grabs her by the throat while pinning her high up against the wall]
Gamora: Who are you people? What is this place?
Drax the Destroyer: Gamora, let her go!
Gamora: The bodies in the caverns…who are they?
Mantis: You are scared. [touches Gamora, who immediately releases her after Mantis uses her empathy]
Ego: I call it the Expansion. It is my purpose…and now it is yours as well.
Peter Quill: It’s beautiful.
Ego: Over thousands of years…i implanted thousands of extensions of myself…on thousands of worlds.
Ego: I need to fulfill life’s one true purpose…to grow and spread…covering all that exists…until everything is…me.
Gamora: [reacting with Mantis' powers] What did she do to me?
Drax the Destroyer: She already told me everything.
Ego: I only had one problem. A single Celestial doesn’t have enough power for such an enterprise. But two Celestials…well, now, that just might do.
Mantis *to the Guardians*: The bodies…are his children.
Ego: Out of all my labors…the most beguiling was…attempting to graft my DNA with that of another species. I hoped the result of such a coupling would be enough…to power the Expansion. I had Yondu deliver some of them to me. It broke the Ravager code, but I compensated him generously…and to ease his conscience, I said I’d never hurt them. I mean, that was true. They never felt a thing. But one after the other, they failed me. Not one of them carried the Celestial genes. Until you, Peter. Out of all my spawn…only you carried the connection to the light.
Gamora:We need to find Peter now, and get off this damn planet.
Mantis:Ego will have won him to his side by now.
Nebula:Then we just go.
Gamora: No! He’s our friend.
Nebula: [to Gamora] All any of you do is yell at each other. You're not friends.
Drax: You're right… we're family. We leave no one behind. [to Nebula] Except maybe you. [Nebula mocks at the Guardians]
Nebula: Oh, my God.
Ego the Living Planet: For the first time in my existence…i am TRULY NOT ALONE!
[notices Peter's sad expression]
Ego the Living Planet: What is it, son...?
Peter Quill: My friends.
Ego the Living Planet: You see, that’s the mortal in you, Peter.
Quill: Yes.
Ego: We are beyond such things.
Quill: Yes.
Ego: Now…
Quill: But my mother…you said you loved my mother.
Ego: And that I did. My river lily who knew all the words to every song that came over the radio. I returned to Earth to see her three times. And I knew if I returned a fourth…i’d never leave. 
The Expansion…the reason for my very existence, would be over. 
So, I did what I had to do. 
But...
...it broke my heart to put that tumor in her head.
[After hearing this, Quill snaps out of his trance.] 
Peter Quill:...what?
Ego: Now, now, all right…I know that sounds bad,
[In a silent fit of rage, Peter shoots him repeatedly with his Element Guns.] 
Ego: Who...
...IN THE HELL do you think you are!?
Peter Quill: YOU KILLED MY MOTHER!!!
Ego: I tried…SO HARD...to find the form that best SUITED YOU...
[He mockingly morphs into David Hasselhoff.]
Ego:...and this is the thanks I get!? You really need to grow up! 
[He then impales him with a blue energy tentacle to extract his celestial powers from him to activate the seedlings.]
Ego: I wanted to do this together… ..but I suppose you’ll have to learn by spending the next thousand years AS A BATTERY!
Gamora: Finally! Rocket?
Rocket Raccoon: Keep that transmitter nearby, so I can find you. We’re in an old piece of construction equipment Yondu once used…to slice open the Bank of A ‘askavaria.
Gamora: Ego’s unhinged.
Rocket Raccoon: I know. Get ready.
Yondu Udonta: Drop her, Kraglin. Now.
Ego: My life, my love. My lady is the sea Peter…this is the sea.
Yondu Udonta: [sees Ego putting a tentacle through Peter's body] Hey, there, jackass!
Man: What is that thing?
Drax the Destroyer: Out of the way, dumber, smaller Groot!
Gamora: [helps Peter up] I told you something didn’t feel right.
Peter Quill: "I told you so." Just what I need to hear right now.
Gamora: Well, I came back, didn’t I?
Peter Quill: Because there’s an unspoken thing.
Gamora: There is no unspoken thing. [helps Peter up]
Drax the Destroyer: What are you doing? You could’ve killed us all!
Rocket Raccoon: Uh…"Thank you, Rocket"?
Drax the Destroyer: We had it under control.
Mantis: We did not. That is only an extension… of his true self. He will be back soon.
Peter Quill: [sees Nebula] What’s Smurfette doing here?
Nebula: Whatever I need to do to get a damn ride home.
Rocket Raccoon: She tried to murder me!
Nebula: I saved you, you stupid fox!
Gamora: [annoyed] He’s not a fox.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket Raccoon: I’m not a raboon, either.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket Raccoon: "Raccoon." Whatever.
Drax the Destroyer: How do we kill a Celestial?
Peter Quill: There’s a center to him. His brain, his soul, whatever it is…some sort of protective shell.
Mantis: It’s in the caverns…below the surface.
Peter Quill: [comes up and sees Yondu sitting in the driver's seat] Yondu?
Yondu Udonta: Thrusters are out.
Peter Quill: Guess I should be glad I was a skinny kid. Otherwise, you’d have delivered me to this maniac.
Yondu Udonta: You still reckon that’s the reason I kept you around, you idiot?
Peter Quill: That’s what you told me, you old doofus.
Yondu Udonta: Once I figured out what happened to them other kids…I wasn’t just gonna hand you over.
Peter Quill: You said you were gonna eat me.
Yondu Udonta: That was being funny!
Peter Quill: Not to me!
Rocket Raccoon: [to adoptive father and son] You people have issues.
Peter Quill: Of course I have issues. 
[Ego's avatar begins to reform, looking quite horrifying.]
That’s my freakin’ father!!!
Thrusters are back up.
Yondu Udonta: We should be going up!
Peter Quill: We can’t! Ego wants to eradicate the universe as we know it. We have to kill him. Rocket!
Rocket Raccoon: Got it!
Peter Quill: Whoo-hoo!
Rocket Raccoon: So, we’re saving the galaxy again?
Peter Quill: I guess.
Rocket Raccoon: Awesome! We’re really gonna be able to jack up our prices if we’re two-time galaxy savers.
Peter Quill: I seriously can’t believe that’s where your mind goes.
Rocket Raccoon: It was just a random thought, man. I thought we were friends. Of course, I care about the planets, and the buildings…and all the animals on the planets.
Peter Quill: And the people.
Rocket Raccoon: Meh.
Mantis: The crabby puppy is so cute. He makes me wanna die!
[Kraglin listens to more of Peter's music but stops when he sees the sovereign fleet appear.]
Ayesha: Pilots…release envoy units. Our sensors detect the batteries are below the surface of the planet. Dive!
Kraglin Obfonteri: Um…Captain? Captain?
Yondu Udonta: Tell me why Ego wants you here?
Peter Quill: He needs my genetic connection to the light…to help destroy the universe. He tried to teach me how to control the power.
Yondu Udonta: So, could you?
Peter Quill: A little. I made a ball.
Yondu Udonta: A ball?
Peter Quill: I thought as hard as I could. It was all that I could come up with.
Yondu Udonta: You "thought"? You think when I make this arrow fly, I use my head?
Mantis: That’s Ego’s core.
Peter Quill: That core is thick, Rocket.
Rocket Raccoon: I got it covered.
Mantis: We must hurry. It will not take Ego long to find us.
Rocket Raccoon: Keep it steady.
Peter Quill: We drill into the center, we kill him!
Kraglin Obfonteri: Captain?
Yondu Udonta: What is it, Kraglin?
Kraglin Obfonteri: Hey, remember that Ayesha chick?
Yondu Udonta: Yeah, why?
Kraglin Obfonteri: I... Uh…
Yondu Udonta: Oh, hell!
Peter Quill: Why aren’t you firing the lasers?
Rocket Raccoon: They blew out the generator. I think I packed a small detonator.
Nebula: A detonator is worthless without explosives.
Rocket Raccoon: Well, we got these.
Peter Quill: Is that thing strong enough to kill Ego?
Rocket Raccoon: If it is, it’ll cause a chain reaction… throughout his entire nervous system.
Peter Quill: Meaning what?
Rocket Raccoon: The entire planet will explode. We’ll have to get out of here fast. I rigged a timer.
Peter Quill: Go!
Mantis: He’s coming.
Drax the Destroyer: Didn’t you say you could make him sleep?
Mantis: When he wants. He’s too powerful. I can’t!
Drax the Destroyer: You don’t have to believe in yourself… because I believe in you.
Mantis: Sleep!
Drax the Destroyer: I never thought she’d be able to do it… with as weak and skinny as she appears to be.
Mantis: I don’t know how long I can hold him.
Rocket Raccoon: The metal’s too thick. For the bomb to work, we’d actually need to place it on Ego’s core. And our fat butts ain’t gonna fit through those tiny holes.
Peter Quill: Well…
Rocket Raccoon: That’s a terrible idea.
Peter Quill: Which is the only kind of idea we have left.
Rocket Raccoon: Unbelievable. "Rocket, do this. Rocket, do that."
Peter Quill: What a day.
Rocket Raccoon: Alright, first you flip this switch, then this one. That activates it. Then you push this button, which will give you five minutes to get outta there. Now, whatever you do, don't push this button, because that will set off the bomb immediately and we'll all be dead. Now, repeat back what I just said.
Groot: I am Groot...
Rocket Raccoon: Uh-huh.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket Raccoon: That's right...
Groot: [points to death button] I am Groot!
Rocket Raccoon: No! No, that's the button that will kill everyone! Try again.
Groot: Hm. I am Groot...
Rocket Raccoon: Mmhm.
Groot: I am Groot...?
Rocket Raccoon: Uh-huh.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket Raccoon: No! That's exactly what you just sai- how's that even possible?! Which button is the one you're supposed to push? Point to it.
Rocket Raccoon: NOOO!
Peter Quill: [From skylight] Hey, you're makin' him nervous!
Rocket Raccoon: Shut up and give me some tape! Does anyone have any tape out there?! I wanna put some tape over the death button.
Peter Quill: I don't have any tape! Lemme check! [jetpacks away to Yondu; in the background] Yo, Yondu! Do you have a-- [explosion] Do you have any tape? [pause as more explosions are heard in the background] Gamora! Do you have any tape? ...TAPE! Ah, never mind! Drax! Do you have any tape?! Yeah! Scotch tape would work! Then why would you ask me if scotch tape would work, if you don't have any?! [reappears] Nobody has any tape!
Rocket Raccoon: Not a single person has tape?!
Peter Quill: Nope!
Rocket Raccoon: Did you ask Nebula?
Peter Quill: [thinks] Yes!
Rocket Raccoon: Are you sure?
Peter Quill: I asked Yondu, and she was standing right next to him!
Rocket Raccoon: I knew you were lying!
Peter Quill: [Groot grabs the bomb and runs back] You have priceless batteries and an atomic bomb in your bag! IF ANYBODY'S GONNA HAVE TAPE, IT'S YOU!!
Rocket Raccoon: That's exactly my point! I have to do EVERYTHING!!
Peter Quill: You are wasting a lot of time here!
Groot: Whee!
Rocket Raccoon: We’re all gonna die.
Yondu Udonta: Rear thrusters are out again! We’re done for without that generator!
Ayesha: Guardians… perhaps it will provide you solace… that your deaths are not without purpose. They will serve as a warning… to all of those tempted with betraying us. Don’t screw with the Sovereign. This is gonna hurt.
Nebula: Promises, promises.
Peter Quill: We’re gonna blow!
Gamora: Peter! No!
Peter Quill: [to Yondu, floating in the air, hanging on his arrow] Haha!
Yondu Udonta: What?
Peter Quill: You look like Mary Poppins.
Yondu Udonta: Is he cool?
Peter Quill: [grinning] Hell yeah, he's cool.
Yondu Udonta: I'M MARY POPPINS, Y'ALL! ["I'm Mary Poppins, y'all!" echoes through Ego]
Drax the Destroyer: Mantis, look out! She’s just unconscious.
Peter Quill: [to Rocket] How long until the bomb goes off?
Rocket Raccoon: In the unlikely event that Groot doesn’t kill us all… about six minutes.
Yondu Udonta: Kraglin, we need the quadrant for an extraction. T-minus five minutes.
Kraglin Obfonteri: Aye, Captain.
Peter Quill: Somebody’s gotta be up top when Kraglin arrives. Drax, take Mantis.
Drax the Destroyer: Ow! My nipples!
[Gamora and Nebula fall down through the crumbling planet. Only Rocket, Peter and Yondu remain]
Peter Quill: Gamora!
Ego: Peter!
Nebula: Get over it.
Ego: Come now, Peter. I know this isn’t what you want. What kind of father would I be to let you make this choice? Soon, Peter, we will be all there is. So stop pissing me off!
Gamora: We have to get up to the extraction point! [She and Nebula look at each other] Go!
Ego: I told you… I don’t want to do this alone. You cannot deny… the purpose the universe has bestowed upon you.
Officer on Earth: Everyone, I need you to stay back!
Male Photographer: What is that?
Ego: It doesn’t need to be like this, Peter. Why are you destroying our chance? Stop pretending you aren’t what you are. One in billions. Trillions. Even more. What greater meaning can life possibly have to offer?
Yondu Udonta: I don’t use my head to fly the arrow, boy! I use my heart…
Peter Quill: You shouldn’t have killed my mom, and squished my Walkman.
Rocket Raccoon: Groot!? If you can hear me, hurry up! I’m not sure how long Quill can keep him distracted! Groot, hurry!
Rocket Raccoon: Yondu, we’re about to blow!
Yondu Udonta: GET TO THE SHIP!
Rocket Raccoon: Not without Quill!
Yondu Udonta: You need to take care of the twig!
(Rocket inaudibly gasps, having immediately realized his intentions.)
Rocket Raccoon: ...not without you!
(Yondu shakes his head.)
Yondu Udonta: I ain’t done nothin’ right my whole damn life, rat...
Yondu Udonta: ...you need to give me this.
(Rocket sighs.)
Rocket Raccoon: …a spacesuit and an aero-rig. i only have one of each.
(He takes them...and slowly, Rocekt begins to depart.)
Groot: I am Groot.
Yondu Udonta: What’s that?
Rocket Raccoon: He says, "Welcome to the frickin’ Guardians of the Galaxy." Only he didn’t use "frickin’."
(Yondu nods...and with that, Rocket finally flies away.)
Yondu Udonta: Bye, twig.
Rocket Raccoon *as they fly away*: We’re gonna need to have a real discussion about your language.
(Gamora tends to Mantis, who is still unconscious, as Nebula sits nearby. Rocket returns with Groot.)
Gamora: (concerned) Where’s Peter?
Gamora: Rocket, where is he!?
Gamora: Rocket...ROCKET LOOK AT ME, WHERE IS HE!?
(He looks down, deciding to remain silent.)
(Groot points in the direction of where they came from.)
(Seeing this, Gamora gets up, and grabs her blaster.)
Gamora: No.
I’m not leaving without him.
(He reloads it...)
Gamora: HNGHHH!!!
(...only for Rocket to stun her with his blaster.)
Rocket Raccoon *in tears*: i’m sorry.
Rocket Raccoon *in tears*: i can only afford to lose one friend today.
Rocket Raccoon: KRAGLIN, GO!
Drax the Destroyer: Wait!
Drax the Destroyer *to Kraglin*: Is Quill back?
(The latter doesn't respond.)
Drax the Destroyer: Rocket, where’s Quill?
(Rocket remains silent.)
Drax the Destroyer: ROCKET! WHERE’S QUILL!?
(The ship finally begins to take off, making Drax panic even further.)
Drax the Destroyer: ROCKET!! WHERE’S QUILL!?
Drax the Destroyer: WHERE’S QUILL!?
== Ego's Fall ==
(Back to Ego's interior...both he and Quill were still fighting each other.)
Ego: No, we need to stop it! WE NEED TO STOP IT!
(Peter throws him into the ground.)
Ego: Stop! Stop-
Ego: LIS-...LISTEN TO ME!!
Ego: You are a god!
Ego: If you kill me...you’ll be just like everybody else!
Peter Quill: What’s so wrong with that?
Ego: NO!
(And so, the bomb detonates, destroying his brain, and all the nerves connected to his core.)
(His avatar dissolves from the inside, and crumbles into nothing.)
Yondu Udonta: He may have been your father, boy, but he wasn’t your daddy.
Yondu Udonta: I’m sorry I didn’t do none of it right.
Yondu Udonta: I’m damn lucky you’re my boy.
(He then places the space suit on his adoptive son's chest.)
Peter Quill: What? 
Peter Quill: Yondu, what are you doing? You can’t! 
Peter Quill: YONDU! 
Peter Quill: No...No! 
Peter Quill: NO!
Peter Quill: Aww, gh-...
Peter Quill: NO! NOOOOOOOOOOO! 
Peter Quill *sobbing*: OH...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
[It's too late.]
(Yondu floats motionlessly in space, having frozen to his death.)
Peter Quill: no...
Peter Quill: *sniff*
(He cradles his corpse, unable to accept the fact that he, his real father figure...had just sacrificed himself for him.)
[The camera cuts to black.]
[At Yondu's funeral, the Guardians and Kraglin are surrounding Yondu's body while Nebula stands in the background.]
Peter Quill: I told Gamora how when I was a kid I used to pretend David Hasselhoff was my dad. He’s a singer and actor from Earth, really famous guy. Earlier, it struck me… Yondu didn’t have a talking car, but he did have a flying arrow. He didn’t have the beautiful voice of an angel… but he did have the whistle of one. Both Yondu and David Hasselhoff went on kick-ass adventures… and hooked up with hot women… and fought robots. I guess David Hasselhoff did kind of end up being my dad after all. Only it was you, Yondu. I had a pretty cool dad. What I’m trying to say here is… sometimes that thing you’re searching for your whole life… it’s right there by your side all along. You don’t even know it.
Groot: I am Groot.
Rocket Raccoon: He did call you twig.
Gamora: Nebula… I was a child like you. I was concerned with staying alive until the next day, every day. And I never considered what Thanos was doing to you. I’m trying to make it right. There are little girls like you… across the universe who are in danger. You can stay with us and help them.
Nebula: I will help them by killing Thanos.
Gamora I don’t know if that’s possible. (hugs Nebula) You will always be my sister.
Kraglin Obfonteri: Pete! Captain found this for you in a junker shop. Said you’d come back to the fold someday.
Peter Quill: What is it?
Kraglin Obfonteri: It’s called a Zune. It’s what everybody’s listening to on Earth nowadays. It’s got 300 songs on it.
Peter Quill: 300 songs? Wait. [shows Kraglin the fixed arrow] Rocket grabbed the pieces, and reassembled them. I think Yondu would want you to have it.
Kraglin Obfonteri: Thanks… Captain.
(Cat Stevens’ "Father and Son" plays as Peter listens to the song. As Peter listens to it, he gives Groot one of his earbuds. Just as the song plays, Ravager ships show up and the Guardians appear on deck.)
Rocket Raccoon: They came.
Drax the Destroyer: What is it?
Rocket Raccoon: I sent word to Yondu’s old Ravager buddies, and told them what he did.
Peter Quill: It’s a Ravager funeral.
(The other ships let out fireworks and Kraglin shouts in joy before giving the Ravager salute.)
Kraglin Obfonteri: Yeah! Yeah!
Martinex: He didn’t let us down after all, Captain.
Stakar Ogord: No, he did not, son. He did not.
Charlie-27: Fare thee well, old friend.
Aleta Ogord: Yondu Udonta, I will see you in the stars.
Rocket Raccoon: He didn’t chase them away.
Peter Quill: No.
Rocket Raccoon: Even though he yelled at them. And was always mean. And he stole batteries he didn’t need.
Peter Quill: (looks down at Rocket) Well, of course not. (Gamora looks up at Peter, who looks back down at her curiously) What?
Gamora: It’s just…some unspoken thing.
(Peter gives her a small "I told you so" look. Gamora wraps her arm around his waist as Peter wraps his arm around her shoulders.)
Mantis: It’s beautiful.
Drax the Destroyer: It is. And so are you. On the inside.
(As the song finishes, Yondu's ashes form the shape of a flying arrow and a small whistle. The song ends, as well as the movie.)
THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY WILL RETURN
[The credits roll.]
Stakar Ogord: You know, it’s a shame… that it took the tragedy of losing Yondu to bring us all together again. But I think he’d be proud knowing that we are back as a team.
Charlie-27: I’m in.
Aleta Ogord: Dope.
Mainframe: I miss you guys so much!
Martinex: Hell, yes.
Stakar Ogord: What say we steal some shit?
[The credits roll again.]
Sovereign Chambermaid: High Priestess, the Council is waiting.
Ayesha: They are perturbed I’ve wasted our resources. When they see what I have created here… their wrath will dissipate.
Sovereign Chambermaid: It’s a new type of birthing pod, ma’am?
Ayesha: That, my child… is the next step in our evolution. More powerful, more beautiful… more capable of destroying the Guardians of the Galaxy. I think I shall call him… Adam.
[The credits roll once again.]
----
Peter Quill: [walks into Groot's room] Ugh, dude. Seriously? You gotta clean up your room. It’s a complete mess.
Groot: I am Groot.
Peter Quill: I am not boring. You’re boring. You know what’s boring? Sitting there, playing that mind-numbing game. What’s boring is me tripping over your vines every day! I’m not boring!
Groot: I am Groot.
Peter Quill: And now I know how Yondu felt.
----Watcher Informant: Hey, fellas. Wait, where are you going? You were supposed to be my lift home! How will I get out of here? 
Watcher Informant: Hey! Aw, gee… 
Watcher Informant: I’ve got so many more stories to tell. 
Watcher Informant: Aw, guys. Oh, gee…
[The movie ends.]
Category:Transcripts