Countryballs: Conquest/Quotes

== Transcript ==
=== Introduction ===
100 YEARS LATER (The words appear in a black screen with red letters in a American Typewriter font)
Scene 1
* Russia: Bow down to your new leader, Crimeans of Ukraine! (Dramatic music)
* Crimeans: No!
* Russia: Hahaha! WE CANT FREE YOU!
* Crimeans: We are sick of this!
* Russia: There is no way you could go to Ukraine!
* Crimeans: We don't know!
* (The screen then points upwards and zooms out, showing Crimea first, before the Black Sea, and then showing Earth before it turns into a blood-red planet and zooms in.)
* A sign saying Welcome to Teressta is shown)
* Darh Van: (Looking at Earth using a telescope) Earth. Haven't seen that in years. Billions of ruthless earthlings.
* Merh Davz: Not like those punks from that planet we invaded about a month ago.
* Darh Van: What are we going to do with those guys?
* Merh Davz: We... blow them up?
* Darh Van: Good question. At least I could get my army ready. But it's too far away. It's already 2018, bruh, and it takes 11 and a half years. It could be 2029 when we would get there!
* Merh Davz: Chill, dude! At least I have my space rider that could fly through space at the speed of light.
* Darh Van: Your wrong, kid. Your space driver is broken, its already 6 years since you broke it, and we don't have the right equipment to fix that.
* Merh Davz: Bro, what now?
* Darh Van: There had been a lot of years to fix this. And the only thing is... This. (Points to the space shuttle) To the constructed space shuttle. Go, go, go! (Little 15 starts playing)
* (Commotion is heard throughout the constructed space shuttle)
* (Darh Van then goes through a padlocked door using a key and meets one of the coworkers)
* Darh Van: Is this thing on? A controller switch?
* Coworker #1: Yes.
* Darh Van: That way, I could use that to construct my greatest marvel!
* (Merh Davz breaks through) 
* Merh Davz: Hey, co, I have a few questions for you. Did you finish my space rider?
* Coworker #1: Almost complete.
* Merh Davz: Oh, yes!
* Darh Van: Shut up, kid. I didn't believe your space driver is on the way to fix?
* Merh Davz: I do have one of those.
* Darh Van: Welp, how did you break it? Your lucky!
* Merh Davz: Actually, I didn't break the whole set. I broke two engines while I was playing kickball with another friend from a friendly civilization.
* Coworker #2: Hey Merh, here is the broken engine in your space driver, complete!
* Merh Davz: Woah, that's great. (Little 15 stops while Merh and Darh leave the premises and the screen cuts to another scene)
Scene 2
* (USA citizens murmuring in the US Capitol)
* (USA president settling into the couch watching news and tells the waiter to give him a smoothie)
* USA president: Ahhh, good day, good life. Altleast there is no accident- Hold up! (News screen cuts)
* News reporter: We are now reporting about a dark incident in the state of Texas.
* News reporter: NASA agents had declared a "worldwide emergency" upon seeing a strange red-like Mars planet seen about 72 million meters away from Earth using their telescope.
* News reporter: Scientists came in to report this strange planet. Worst fears confirmed, they said it was a extraterrestrial planet.
* USA president: Holy what!? (Drops his smoothie) I've gotta get my bag! (Packs his bag and puts copies of the laws into his bag, while leaving the Constitution and the Declaration behind)
* Cabinet #1: Where are you going?
* USA president: Home, sir. I've resigned.
* Cabinet #1: What, no! You haven't finished your 4-year term yet. If you want to resign, sign this paper!
* USA president: I don't give a bum. (Knocks the worker in the groin)
* (The screen cuts to outside of the US Capitol)
* (USA president stands at a podium)
* USA president: Dear children, I've now resigned.
* (USA citizens rise a commotion)
* USA president: Are you listening to me? I've now res- (Gets grabbed in a chokehold by Cabinet #1) Duuh! Frick!
* Cabinet #1: You are not yet done with your term, f**king idiot.
* USA president: Please! I'm not an idiot! (USA citizens are confused)
* Cabinet #1: Sign this, now! Sign this!
* USA president: I-I-I'm the one who makes the rules, duh! (Throws him off the podium) Never to say the least. (A rendition of A Thousand Miles starts playing)
* (The ground is snowy and is shown in a mountain while there is helicopter sounds)
* (Merh Davz's ship comes out of the fog and lands near a clearing with a trail leading to a secret base made by the aliens)
* Darh Van, talking by radio: Alright, kiddo, you're almost clear. Slowly... Slowly...
* (Merh Davz starts the landing phase and pulls the clutch and presses on the decelerator)
* Darh Van: The alarm is going to go off! Pull the landing break! (Merh pulls on the landing break) and his speed ship stops and lands in the ground)
* Darh Van: Good! Turn of all engines!
* Merh Davz: I obey you, master. (Turns off all engines and gets out of his ship)
* Merh Davz: Where are the coordinates?
* Darh Van: You are located in Mt. Washington in the Appalachian Mountains. Or I say, Washentomount de Appalachia. The secret base is a few miles away. Follow the trail!
* Merh Davz: Ok. (Starts walking)
12 MINUTES LATER
* Merh Davz: Here am I! Darh, where am I?
* Darh Van: It's the base.
* (The base, disguised to be Native American camp, is viewed. A sign saying: Everyone will die here" is located near the door.)
* Darh Van: That is the strongest base of all! It survives thundershocks, fires, nuclear explosions, and even water and lava. It's damage proof!
* Darh Van: We have all the worst people and equipment we need! Like Justin Bieber! John Cena! Justin Timberlake! IshowSpeed! Lankybox! Mr.Beast! and Greg Heffleys!
* Merh Davz: Excuse me, Greg Heffley doesn't exist! It is fictional!
* Darh Van: All we need... is equipment. (Flicks a hammer and a nailgun)
* Merh Davz: What are you saying? 
* Darh Van: If you never listen to my questions, you will be my queen.
* Merh Davz: Totally? Boys are not queens! They're rappers, all the time. Don't tell me what to do! Your are literally gay!
* Darh Van: Sounds worth it.
* Merh Davz: (Grunts as he closes the call)
* Merh Davz: Oh, that forsaken leader. Oh, boy. He doesn't li- (trips)
* Merh Davz: Woah, woah, woah, woah!
* Merh Davz: Stop this at once! My phone! (Phone shatters)
* (Merh Davz falls through and slams his heard in the concrete, causing him to fall unconscious. A Thousand Miles stops) 
=== The Plan ===
* (Merh Davz gets back up)
* Merh Davz: At least it's not a dream. 
* (Opens the door)
* (The aliens are celebrating the party in the basement. Harder Better Faster Stronger is playing in the radio.)
* (Merh Davz kicks the door open, and the crowd stops)
* Merh Davz: Alright, alright. Who is in my team? (everyone raises their hands)
* Merh Davz: Well, we are a great team together. It's our job to take out the earthlings! You know, they find and catch us! We are so bad! But who would help me? (They raise hands again) Ok, ok.
* Merh Davz: I've gotta refill the ammo for m- (Sounds of banging) WHAT IS THAT!?
* (The others gasps)
* Merh Davz: Look to the outside. I'm going to refill my gun with ammo till I come back. (Runs away)
* Kren Kregler: Guys, we've gotta move! (Everyone starts running)
Scene 3
* (Outside, snowing still again)
* USA General #1: Move, move, move! Jump that trench (Soldiers jump the trench)
* (scene cuts)
* Kren Krelger: Hurry to the top while Merh is reloading his gun! (Footsteps patting)
* (Alien soldiers grab guns)
* (The outside of the wall. All alien soldiers now hold the soldiers in gunpoint.)
* Kren Kregler: Stupid nuts! How long you have been here?
* Soldier #1: Twenty-five.
* Kren Kregler: You're wrong (Shoots gun at soldier)! And now, it's time for your death. (Gunshots as Never Be Alone starts playing)
* (Soldiers screaming and trampling one another to get to the aliens)
* (Alien soldier #1 uses a grapple gun)
* Alien soldier #8: I don't think so, damnation! (Fires)
* USA General #1: Stay hard!
* Soldier #6: I'm trying!
* Soldier #9: Hey, why is the bullets ricocheting? 
* Kren Kregler: HAHAHA! Our base is invincible!
* USA General: What do you mean invincible?
* Rocket Soldier #1: I've got this! FIRRAAAAAA! (shoots a rocket)
* (Rocket crashes into wall)
* Alien soldier #9: I don't think so.
* Darh Van, talking by radio: My ship is complete. Hurry and get back to the ship.
* Merh Davz: Alright, alright!
* Merh Davz: Atleast my ship is in good condition.
* Merh Davz: Well, what do you say? (snaps his fingers and the base explodes)
* Merh Davz: What did I just do!!???
* (Merh Davz gets on the ship)
=== Time for war ===
* (Terresta, again)
* Darh Van: HA! My ship is complete!
* Darh Van: It is time! For... A new day. (snaps his fingers like Merh)
* Darh Van: Better get some exercise! (Jumps into his ship as Surrender starts playing)
* Darh Van: WOO-HOO! (Ship starts taking off and Surrender stops inadvertently)
11 YEARS LATER
* Merh Davz: (Pretending to drink from an empty cup) Had been 11 years since we lost that battle... That was never since. (Something starts ringing)
* Merh Davz: Holy Moly! (Gets startled and drops his cup) I'll get the phone.
* (Call brought in)
* Merh Davz: What is going on?
* Darh Van: The ship is complete. And it took about a decade to get there. We're finally now on earth.
* Darh Van: Didn't know that was fast.
* Merh Davz: Time to go packing! (Jumps out of his chair and heads to his ship while Surrender then continues)
* Darh Van: Well, as you might notice, I've also summoned some friends that are going with me. 
* Merh Davz: Yeah, thanks. (Starts his ship)
* Darh Van: Well, we're going to Washington, D.C., and we'll land in Sparkling Street. 
* Koks Chuks: Sesame Street? 
* Darh Van: Not that, Koks. We need speed.
* (Scene cuts to the Amazonas jungle in Brazil)
* (About a barrage of soldiers are sitting waiting for an enemy to arrive)
* Brazilian soldier #1 (speaking in Brazilian): Sem essa... Un inimigo? Translation: Come on... One enemy?
* (The other 2 soldiers are watching for enemies)
* Brazilian soldier #1 (speaking in Brazilian): Pelo menos nao ha inimigos. (shrugs) Translation: Atleast there are no enemies.
* (A box falls from the sky)
* Brazilian soldier #2 (speaking in Brazilian): O que e aquilo? Translation: What's that?
* Brazilian soldier #1 (speaking in Brazilian): Nao toque nisso. Pode ser uma bomba. Don't touch that. It might be a bomb.
* (One of the soldiers open the box)
* Brazilian soldier #3 (speaking in Brazilian): Um rastreador? Translation: A tracker?
* (The tracker beeps) 
* (Alien ships are coming from the south of Amazon as a remix of "No More Hugs" from Poppy Playtime Chapter 1 starts playing) 
* (A soldier screaming) 
* Brazilian soldier #1 (speaking in Brazilian): Ue! E um navio! Segure a onda! Translation: Whuh-oh! It's a ship! Hold your horses!
* (Many soldiers starting firing their weapons at the alien ship) 
* (Many soldiers screaming) 
* Brazilian soldier #2 (speaking in Brazilian): Estamos mortos! Estamos mortos! Fim de jogo! Translation: We're dead! We're dead! Game over!
* (Scene cuts to Beijing, China)
* (Alien ships heading to the capital)
* Chinese PM: What are those? (Shrieks)
* (Zooming noise)
* Chinese citizen #1: I don't get it. What is going on? 
* Chinese citizen #1's son: We have to hurry!
* (Screaming)
* Merh Davz: Hahahahaha! You are under the control of the kingdom of Terresta!
* Chinese citizen #1: For the last time, no!
* Merh Davz: I don't care! I hope that it won't kill me!
* Chinese citizen #2: I have a gun! (Bullet is shot)
* (Bullet only hits the plating)
* Merh Davz: You fool! (Kills the Chinese citizen #2 using an AK-47)
*
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