True Patty Grand Opening

This is an Transcript for a Grand Opening.
Begins at a dilapidated "Patty Cafe" where a sign hangs over it that says 'Out of Business'
* Big Bird: [looking through desk drawers] Peppermint Patty's lip balm. I could use these.
* Grover: [crying] Big Bird, you shouldn't be going through Peppermint Patty's belongings. [sniffs] She won't like it.
* Big Bird: Grover, I told you what her mother said. Peppermint Patty isn't coming back. [Wears a stethoscope. Tries to open the safe, putting a stethoscope onto the safe to avoid suspicion.] Now, keep quiet so I can hear the tumblers in her safe. [Peppermint Patty walks in]
* Peppermint Patty: Hey, boys! [Grover Gasps with joy as Big Bird sheepishly hides his stethoscope behind his back]
* Grover: Peppermint Patty, I knew it! You're alive! [clings to Peppermint Patty happily] Big Bird, look, it's Peppermint Patty! Isn't this too good to be true?
* Big Bird: Well, it was.
* Peppermint Patty: You know, boys, being sick made me do a lot of thinking. My whole life has been about money. Saving money, collecting money, [mimics being infatuated to money] touching money... [returns back to normal talking] Well, you get the picture. But no more. You're looking at the new, improved, non-cheap Peppermint Patty. [scene cuts to outside the Patty Cafe where a giant 'Grand Re-Opening' sign is hanging. 'Buy' and 'Free' signs are in the window] Welcome all, welcome! [Rerun walks up to Peppermint] Hello, little one. What you got there?
* Rerun: Mac and Cheese.
* Peppermint Patty: [chuckles] Of course, you do! You know what that means, right?
* Rerun: I don't go hungry?
* Peppermint Patty: No, silly! It means free toy! [gives him a frog doll]
* Rerun: Gee, thanks Patty. I thought you were a cheap, old tightwad.
* Peppermint Patty: I was, son, I was. Free toys for everyone! And free refills! [everyone cheers. Peppermint Patty runs up to Grover] Hello boy! Say, where's Big Bird?
* Grover: Oh, he's taking one of those break things in your office, I mean, the 'employee lounge'. [scene cuts to Big Bird sleeping in Peppermint Patty office]
* Peppermint Patty: [Joyfully] Great!
* Prairie Dawn: Excuse me, but I dropped my Drink. Could I get another one?
* Peppermint Patty: Grover?
* Grover: Yes sir. [takes a sign where a disclaimer is shown] Patty Cafe policy clearly states that once the food has reached the customer, it is the person's responsibility...
* Peppermint Patty: Grover! [puts down the sign] That's the old policy. Now run back and bring out a fresh one.
* Grover: OK, sir. [goes into the kitchen]
* Peppermint Patty: Sorry about the confusion. [pulls out a toy] Free toy? [Prairie takes it, looking confused]
* Big Bird: Eugene, my man.
* Peppermint Patty: Big Bird! How's the break coming?
* Big Bird: Should be over in a couple of hours. Have Grover send back a patty and an iced-tea, will you? [Winks then walks off]
* Peppermint Patty: Sure thing, Big Bird. Take it easy. [walks up to a customer watching a movie on a small monitor with headphones] Are you enjoying your in-meal movie?
* Baby Bear: I haven't seen this movie before!
* Peppermint Patty: [pats the customer on the back] No expense spared for my valued customers. [scene cuts to Peppermint Patty and Grover standing in front of the restaurant] Look at all those happy faces. It sure does feel good to be generous.
* Big Bird: [walks in with some envelopes] Here's your mail, Pepper.
* Peppermint Patty: Thanks, Big Bird. You look rested.
* Big Bird: Yeah, these naps at work are doing wonders for me. [stretches and yawns a little]
* Peppermint Patty: Credit card bills. Well, I knew this was coming. Let's see what the damage is. [opens the envelope] Only ten thousand dollars. That's not so bad. [runs up to the cash register] I'll just subtract it from today's profit. [opens the register, but there is no money in it] And... there's no money in here. [laughs] How delightful.
* Grover: Big Bird, I'm worried about Peppermint Patty.
* Big Bird: Me too. How are we gonna get paid? [both walk up to Peppermint Patty] Gee, Peppermint Patty, you sure are taking total bankruptcy well.
* Peppermint Patty: Oh, it's just a bad dream. I'll wake up soon. [Grover and Big Bird look at each other]
* Big Bird: Uh... "dream"?
* Peppermint Patty: Sure. I'm still sleeping like a hibernating animal!
* Grover: Umm, you woke up this morning.
* Big Bird: Here's the bill. [Peppermint Patty takes the bill that Big Bird handed in]
* Peppermint Patty: You mean... I'm awake? [Pauses, then faces up and screams in Peter Robbin's Voice] AAAUUUGH! [She races up to Telly Monster drinking orange soda and she confiscates it from him] No more refills! [takes it to the sink and the drink gets flushed down the drain. Then she runs up to two kids playing with toys. She steals them also.] Give me back your toys, you freeloaders! [She then runs back over to Baby Bear watching the movie earlier] Show's over, cheapskate! [turns the TV off then presses a button that erases his memory of the movie. Baby Bear goes dizzy.]
* Charlie Brown: Hey, it's my lucky day, a penny! [reaches for the penny]
* Peppermint Patty: [grabs a hold of the customer's arm] Your luck just ran out Chuck!
* Charlie Brown: Good Grief.
* [The Next Day]
* Big Bird: Welcome to Patty Cafe. My name is Big Bird. May I take your order?
* Big-Nosed Man: Hmmm... uhh... oh, I'll have a... [Big Bird takes out a pencil and a paper] ...no. [Big Bird puts the pencil and the paper away] Maybe... [takes out the pencil and the paper]...no. [Big Bird puts the pencil and the paper away] Hmmm... I'll have... [takes out the pencil and the paper] ...no. Or maybe...
* Big Bird: Are you planning on ordering today, sir?
* Big-Nosed Man: I'll have Salisbury Steak with Buttered Noodles. [Big Bird writes down order]
* Big Bird: Go on.
* Big-Nosed Man: And Green Beans.
* Big Bird: Daring today, aren't we? [takes order and shows Grover] Salisbury Steak with Buttered Noodles and Green Beans. [Grover takes piece of paper and puts with the rest of the orders]
* Grover: Coming up!
* Big Bird: Whatever. [Elmer comes up and tells Big Bird what he wants and Big Bird relays order to Grover] One personal 6-Slice Pizza with Meatball slices!
* Grover: One meat-flavored pizza! Up! [Big Bird takes the plate]
* Big Bird: Thanks, Grover. [at Elmer] It's been a thrill serving you.
* Elmer: Can I get some extwa sawt?
* Big Bird: We're all out.
* Elmer: Could you check?
* Big Bird: No. [Elmer glares at Big Bird as he leaves.]
* Grover: [opens the cupboard and Taz is inside. Grover Gasps] Taz! What are you doing here? If Peppermint Patty sees you, I'll lose my job. [Grover gives him a buttered toast] It is I, your furry pal, Grover! I bet you're hungry. How about some lunch? [Taz eats the toast]
* Taz: Mmmmm!
* Grover: Shhh! You got to be quiet or...
* Peppermint Patty: Grover! [Grover closes the cabinet quickly as Peppermint Patty comes bursting in] What was that? Is that a monster in here?
* Grover: No, Pep. I was just practicing my imitation of Taz.
* Peppermint Patty: Well, keep working on it! That was terrible! [walks out]
* Grover: That was close. [gets a tray with three sandwiches] From now on, no more hijinks. Order up! [puts the tray on the window. Taz eats it. Big Bird walks up to the window]
* Big Bird: Grover, where's my order?
* Grover: Did you look under the tray?
* Big Bird: No I didn't, sorry. [looks under the tray then sighs] Grover, could you just get my order?
* Grover: They vanished. Big Bird, do you think the Patty Cafe is haunted? What if they come for me next? I gotta get out of here! [runs to the door]
* Big Bird: Grover, there's no ghosts!
* Grover: Oh.
* Big Bird: In case you've forgotten, here's how things work. I order the food, you cook the food, the customer gets the food. [Grover's eyes move to the side of his face as he notices Taz eating a customers food. Big Bird is still talking] We do that for forty years and then we die. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me, what do you say?
* Grover: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you Big Bird. I'll be right back. [grabs Taz and shoves him under a cupboard]
* Big Bird: What's that?
* Grover: Don't tell Peppermint Patty! I got it all under control! [closes the cupboard] Now then, you were saying?
* Big Bird: Just get my order. [walks out]
* Grover: You got it, Big Bird? [chuckles] Ghosts. [Taz eats Grover's Tray] Taz, you ate my tray! [Taz burps out a spatula] Taz, you ate my spatula! You ate all the Food! You ate the stove! You ate Blinky!
* Blinky: [Taz burps out him with his eyes remaining] Yeah! I Hate this Monster!
* Big Bird: [customers yelling...] Folks, we have a minor situation going on in the kitchen.
* Bert: Where's our food?
* Ernie: I'm so hungry!
* Big Bird: Take it easy, the food's no good here, anyway.
* Peppermint Patty: Big Bird, what's going on in here?
* Big Bird: Why don't you ask Grouchy Grover and his faithful companion the Eating Devil?
* Peppermint Patty: [runs into the kitchen] Grover, what's the meaning of all these nicknames? Bryan Lee O'Malley! [Grover is by Taz's side, who has eaten too much]
* Grover: Taz got a belly-ache from eating my food, so I made him a bicarbonate of soda. [Taz burps out another ghost monster with its eyes remaning]
* Eyes: What did I miss? [Peppermint Patty gasps and pauses]
* Peppermint Patty: So, my eyes are correct! You still have that monster even when I ordered you to get rid of it! Well, now I'm going to get rid of it once and for all!
* Grover: OK, Peppermint Patty! Don't make me give up Taz! I know you think he's just a monster, but he's worst than that, I tell you. I Don't Know how he got here! [Taz licks Grover's cheek. Big Bird cries because of a bowl of onions near him]
* Big Bird: Hey, who left this bowl of onions here?
* Peppermint Patty: The point is, sometimes you have to set things free even though it's hard. [points to Taz] Look at him. He misses the great outdoors, the wide-open spaces, the rolling green pastures. The kitchen is no place for a Tasmanian Devil.
* Grover: Alright, Peppermint Patty, I understand.
* Frieda: [crying because of the bowl of onions Big Bird is holding under his nose] Hey!
* Grover: OK, you're free to go. [takes Taz outside] I can't keep you anymore. [cries] I know it's hard for you to understand, but Peppermint Patty is right. You belong in the wild. [Taz leaves] Well, what are you waiting for? Can't you see I don't want you anymore? Just get out of here, you stupid, dumb animal! [Peppermint Patty walks up to Grover] Well, he's gone and I'll never see him again.
* Peppermint Patty: It's okay. You did the proper thing. He's free now and we have no right to separate that wild animal from her natural habitat.
* Grover: OK. [smiles and hugs her]
* Porky Pig: Th-th-th-th-That's all, Folks!
* Bugs Bunny: Guess I Don't Need this Monster Anymore!
Category:Looney Tunes
Category:Sesame Street
Category:Peanuts