Redemption

Ok, I know this is not a fan fic, so this page won't be on here forever. The reason I posted this, is because I'm writting a new story, and I was wondering if you could give me some feedback before I show this to an artist. Well, I hope you like it.
Best regards —Kuro Selastalk
Redemption
Chapter 1- Hatred
Deep within the downtown of a chaotic city called Dark Lake, there was a bar by the name of Devil’s Lair. Devil’s Lair was the type of place where you wouldn’t find a housewife trying to hear the latest gossip; it was a place where you would find the worst human scum you could think of. But this night, a different type of man sat at the counter, his name was Sin, and he sought only to forget.
Bartender: Another one?
The glass Sin was holding had been empty for half an hour, something he failed to notice since he was lost so deep in his thoughts.
Sin: Yeah, thanks.
The bartender filled Sin’s glass with whisky, and Sin watched as he filled it.
Bartender: Rough day?
Sin: You could say that.
Bartender: Not much of talker, are you? I don’t think I’ve seen you here before.
Sin: You haven’t.
Sin lowered is head again, letting the bartender know he wasn’t there to share his problems, the last thing he needed was some nosy bartender who thought he was a psychologist.
Exactly eight years ago, his sister was killed, and Sin was sent to an orphanage because he had no family left. When he was eighteen, he decided to join the Dark Lake Police Department, and after three years in the academy, he graduated top of his class.
Driven by the obsession of catching his sister’s killer, he worked hard to climb his way into homicides. After two years of hard work, he was admitted into the department, becoming the youngest homicides detective in the history of Dark Lake.
Suddenly, the news reporter on the TV announced something that caught Sin’s attention.
"We're live from Kingston Street where another murder as taken place today. This murder takes the body count to eight in the Sliver’s case, and the police are still clueless about the serial killer’s identity."
The news continued, but Sin left money on the counter to pay for his tab, and left the bar.
On the outside, just as he lit a cigarette, he heard a woman scream. He rushed towards an alley nearby which seemed to be the source of the scream, in there, he found two men holding a young woman trying to take her dress off. As soon as he entered the alley the men took noticed of him, and stopped.
Sin: DLPD! Let go of her, and raise your hands above your head.
Thug: Hey pig, get out of here before…
The thug did not have the chance to finish the phrase as a bullet split his head half open.
“What the fuck!” - Shouted the other guy while trying to go for his weapon, but before he could reach it Sin shot his shoulder.
Thug: You son of a bitch! You shot my arm! I’m going to kill you for this, mark my words!
Sin: Shut up!
Sin shot the second thug right in the mouth making him fall to the ground with a pool of blood surrounding him.
The girl was petrified with fear. Her beautiful blue eyes suddenly seemed black, as if all light had disappeared from them. Sin moved slowly towards her taking off his coat, and putting it on her back to cover her.
Sin: Are you alright?
She nodded to let him know she was fine.
Sin: I’m going to take you to a hospital so they can take a look at you.
Girl: Please don’t. I don’t want anyone else to know about this. Please.
Sin saw the despair on the girl’s face, so he decided to take her home.
He had just killed two human beings, something that seemed of no importance to him. It wasn’t the first time he had done something like this; actually he had lost count of the times he had to put a bullet through somebody’s head.
Dark Lake City was filled with crime, and the policemen were given orders to kill if necessary, they would not risk their lives for the sake of some scumbag who would be out of prison in a couple of years.
After taking the girl to her house, Sin headed home through the cold streets of Dark Lake.
When he arrived he put his keys, his gun, and his badge on his desk, and headed for bed.
It was 4 o’clock in the morning, and he was looking at the ceiling unable to sleep.
“8 years, and still no clues…” – Sin whispered.
He remembered his sister, the first victim of the Sliver’s case. Every year a serial killer, named Sliver by the media, killed a girl in Dark Lake city. Sliver killed his victims by slicing their throats, and always left a bloody message written on the wall behind the body.
“She is the first, but will not be the last. Her death shall bring apocalypse upon us, for those who care, cannot forget, and those who serve him will be forgiven.”
This message was always in Sin’s mind, and he could not understand it. The riddle Sliver had left when he killed Alison seemed like a religious passage, but he found no such passage in any book.
Sin closed his eyes, and finally fell asleep.
While he was sleeping, he normally found the peace he could not find when he was awake, but that night was different. For the first time in years, Sin dreamt, and this dream felt real to him. He found himself surrounded by a thick fog that shaded everything around him. Wondering if that was really a dream, he started walking, trying to find a way out of that place.
Through the thick fog, he saw what seemed to be a broken city, buildings were completely destroyed, and the wind whispered inside them, letting him know that he was all alone.
Suddenly in the distance, a silhouette of what seemed to be a human being appeared. It seemed to be waiting for him, standing there looking towards his direction.
“Hello!” - Sin yelled at the shadow, but no answer was given.
The shadow started walking away as Sin yelled for it to wait. He ran towards the shadow which stopped moving after entering a dark alley. Closer, and closer, Sin started to feel that he knew that silhouette.
To his surprise, he found a young woman with long brown hair, and green eyes that closely resembled his own. It was Alison, his sister. He could not forget her face in a million years. His heart started beating so fast that it almost jumped out of his chest.
Sin: Allie! Is it really you?
Sin held his sister tight in his arms, hoping he could hold on to her forever, but some strange force pulled her out of his grasp.
Behind his sister, there was a faceless man holding a knife close to her neck.
Sin: Stop! Let go of her!
The man turned his attention towards Sin, although he had no eyes, he seemed to be looking at him. With a sudden move of his hand, the faceless man slivered Allie’s throat, and dropped her.
Sin hurried to grab Allie, but when is about to reach her, the man grabbed his neck, and held him up in the air.
“So you finally came. I was wondering what took you so long.” – A voice echoed in Sin’s head, as he tried to get himself loose.
“But although you're here, you couldn't save her, your powerless, you have always been.”
The man broke Sin’s neck like he was just a puppet in his hands. At that moment, Sin woke up in his room sweating, and holding his throat.
The next day, Sin bought a newspaper on his way to work, on the front page there were pictures of the eight women who died in the Sliver’s case.
Later, in his office, Sin was looking at his sister photo thinking about the dream he had last night, and the meaning behind such a dream, when a man rushed into his office carrying a plastic bag with a necklace, and a paper in the other hand.
Man: Sin. We found a finger print on the victim’s necklace.
Sin took the paper into his hands, and read it; the man was called Sano, and lived two blocks away from the police station, in Borrows Street. After so many years, Sliver had finally made a mistake, and Sin would not let this chance pass by.
Sin: Let’s go.
Man: But you’re not supposed to…
The threatening look Sin gave him prevented the man from saying another word. Although Sin was always informed about everything related to the Sliver’s case, he could not be officially involved in the investigation as he was the brother of the first victim.
Sin followed the intervention team to the scene.
Captain: What the hell are you doing here kid? I told you, you cannot be part of this investigation! I don’t give a shit if you’re the department’s wonder boy, you’re connected with one of the victims, and you’re not going in!
Sin: I just want to be there when he goes down. I won’t take part in the arrest; I’m not here to steal anyone’s thunder.
John: Let him come Cap, I’ll watch over him.
John was only a couple of years older than Sin, they met each other in the academy, and they were always trying to surpass each other.
Captain: Are you sure John? If this goes the wrong way, it’s coming right out your paycheck.
John: Okay, okay. Put a vest Sin, we don’t want you to get hurt now do we?
Sin put on a vest, and a face mask as fast as he could.
The building were Sano lived was an old apartment, a place filled with drug addicts, and homeless people lying in the hallways.
A member of the team knocked at the door, but no one answered. With his blood boiling, Sin knocked the door down, but as he knocked it down, he saw a rifle aiming at the doorway that was wired to shoot as the door opened, he got shot, and he was sent flying back. The bullet made its way inside the vest hitting him right in the chest.
Sin understood that the killer must have known he would be consumed by his hatred, and would be the first to come in, the bullet was meant for him, and no one else. He felt his heart stopping, and his strength fading away as John held him tight telling him he was going to make it, and that the paramedics were already on the way.
As his heart stopped Sin used his last breath to apologize to his sister, he could not stop Sliver, and he became just another victim.
Category:Story
Category:Kuro Selas