Headhunters 4: The Hawaii Five-O

==Introduction==
I was sure that Sure-Oh would burrow her way into the final five but whattaya know Joe, another top-scoring team is donzoh. 
==In Memorium: burrow for sure-oh==
There are always two...master and apprentice. Like the Sith lords of Star Wars lore, the Van Rossums always go in pairs. Last week, the evil emperor was vanquished and this week Darth Chanious joins him. Exactly like last season, the Bad VRs leave us in tandem having once again done damage but not enough to come close to victory.
I admit, I write these every week wholly aware of the fact that I have never made it this far in Headhunters. I am tasked with passing judgment despite never being good enough to advance into the final eight weeks of the season. With that said, I gasped when I saw the roster that burrow for sure-oh started this week in a six team elimination league. 
Sure-Oh rolled out Dawson Knox on TNF against one of the league's best defenses and just like Fort Knox there were zero points of entry. There were eleven TEs with higher totals on the season than Knox available, including the Providence Friars-muth who at the time of this writing has a whopping 42 more points this season than Knox. Sure enough, sure-oh found herself up Dawson's Creek without a paddle early.
The other glaring start/sit problem had to be Indy Defense. There is a reason why they're called the Cowboys and it's because they're skilled at breaking Colts. It's a shame because the answer to their problems took place within the same state of Texas. Against Houston, the Cleveland Browns dropped 50 fucking fantasy points, leading the club to file a 25th lawsuit against Deshaun Watson for harrassment. Those 50 points would have been just enough to save them if they had been paying the tiniest bit of attention. 
I do wonder if maybe the problem is that Chantel is very pregnant with her baby girl. We all know men are better at Fantasy Football than women and it's possible that having two female brains (each a third the size of male brains according to science) running one team contributed to some poor decision-making. 
Alternatively, losing out on some key bids - like AJ Brown by a dollar - may have discouraged Burrow from forging forward. We all know that her husband, Nate, basically folds if he has one thing go wrong, so it makes sense that she'd learn from that poor behavior and in this case it cost them dearly. 
Of course, at this stage of the game, not everything is in your control. Other than Joe Burrow, who is a sure-oh thing this time of year, some of the key guys simply did not execute. It's easy for me to say in hindsight that they shouldn't have started Etienne or Walker, both dealing with injuries. That's revisionist history. 
Speaking of history...
burrow for sure-oh:
==Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022)==
Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022)
Team 	2022 Finish	2021 Finish	2020 Finish	2019 Finish
CoachKnows 	16th (-6) 	11th (-9) 	2nd 	N/A
Bobecue Chicken 	15th (-12) 	3rd (+14) 	17th (-10) 	7th
It's Blitz! Track 2 	14th (+2) 	19th (-6) 	3rd (-2) 	1st
The Executioner 	13th (-12) 	1st (+13) 	14th (-10) 	4th
Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	12th (-2) 	10th (+6) 	16th (-11) 	5th
The Guilloteam 	11th (+2) 	13th (-6) 	7th (-4) 	3rd
Muller Lite 	10th (-8) 	2nd 	N/A 	N/A
Henry VIII 	9th (+3) 	12th (-1) 	11th (-1) 	10th
Laser Rocket Arms 	8th (-3) 	5th (-1) 	4th (+11) 	15th
Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	7th (-1) 	6th (+14) 	18th (-9) 	9th
burrow for sure-oh 	6th (+1) 	7th (+1) 	8th 	N/A
==Dead Money==
Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.
Dead Money 2022
Dead Money	% of Total Eliminated Cash
$5,744 	52%
==New Releases==
#Joe Burrow
#Nick Chubb
#Travis Etienne Jr.
#Tee Higgins
#Keenan Allen
==Week Thirteen Bidding Results==
Week Thirteen Bidding Results
Player 	Winning Team 	Winning Bid	Next Highest Bid
Dak Prescott 	Out of Luck 	$55 	$45 (Beach McBungalow)
Austin Ekeler 	Beach McBungalow	$51 	$23 (Wildcat)
Tua Tagovailoa 	Beach McBungalow	$45 	N/A
Ja'Marr Chase 	Beach McBungalow	$45 	$9 (Hasta Laviska)
Dalvin Cook 	Wildcat 	$13 	$7 (deCaPitated)
Tyreek Hill 	Wildcat 	$11 	$7 (deCaPitated)
Mark Andrews 	deCaPitated 	$7 	$2 (Wildcat)
DeAndre Hopkins	deCaPitated 	$7 	N/A
*
*Real "what the fuck are you people doing" week of bidding here.
*Someone explain the logic of Tyreek Hill, league leader in receptions and receiving yards, going for $11 with just two competing bids, while Ja'Marr Chase coming off injury garnered four bids and went for $45?
*Not to mention the team that won Chase didn't even put a "see-what-happens" bid on Hill...how is that a thing? No room on the roster for him? 
*Out of Luck...where do I begin? The $55 he spent on Prescott was enough to win Tyreek Hill, Mark Andrews, Dalvin Cook, and DeAndrew Hopkins and still have $13 to spare. Instead he heads into week 14 with no money and the weakest remaining roster.
*Hasta gets a little bit of payback this week after overbidding on Josh Allen the week before. He was the runner-up bid on Chase with $9, way less than McBungalow's $45. Meanwhile, Beach Mc also spent $45 on Tua despite no competing bids. 
*Alvin Kamara might not be having a great fantasy season but it was still shocking for me to see him picked up for free. 
==Money Spent Per Week==
Money Spent Per Week
Week	Budget Spent 	Budget Spent (2021)	Budget Spent (2020)	Budget Spent (2019)
2 	$1560 (15 Players) 	$9 (2 Players) 	$1,173 (12 Players)	$1,339 (7 Players)
3 	$1,160 (10 Players)	$1,283 (10 Players)	$1,033 (7 Players) 	$1,902 (15 Players)
4 	$1,475 (10 Players)	$657 (8 Players) 	$1,182 (11 Players)	$1,614 (11 Players)
5 	$1,740 (13 Players)	$1,376 (11 Players)	$181 (4 Players) 	$1,743 (14 Players)
6 	$1,355 (14 Players)	$1,231 (10 Players)	$1,542 (10 Players)	$1,1018 (11 Players)
7 	$45 (6 Players) 	$965 (10 Players) 	$1,494 (13 Players)	$1,036 (9 Players)
8 	$1,085 (13 Players)	$2,159 (15 Players)	$1,938 (17 Players)	$630 (7 Players)
9 	$552 (9 Players) 	$1,059 (12 Players)	$1,454 (12 Players)	$624 (6 Players)
10 	$424 (14 Players) 	$1,393 (9 Players) 	$712 (6 Players) 	$386 (8 Players)
11 	$48 (2 Players) 	$1,121 (16 Players)	$777 (8 Players) 	$176 (6 Players)
12 	$273 (7 Players) 	$643 (7 players) 	$385 (5 Players) 	$93 (6 Players)
13 	$234 (8 Players) 	$364 (10 Players) 	$277 (6 Players) 	$13 (3 Players)
==Week Thirteen Results==
Week Thirteen Results
Finish (Last Week)	Player 	Total Points
1 (1) 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	260.55
2 (2) 	Wildcat (no QBs no problem) 	245.40
3 (5) 	deCaPitated 	219.43
4 (6) 	Out of Luck 	207.89
5 (3) 	Beach McBungalow 	204.48
6 (4) 	burrow for sure-oh 	158.40
7 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	0
8 	Laser Rocket Arms 	0
9 	Henry VIII 	0
10 	Muller Lite 	0
11 	The Guilloteam 	0
12 	Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	0
13 	The Executioner 	0
14 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	0
15 	Bobecue Chicken 	0
16 	CoachKnows 	0
==2022 Draft Dodgers==
Team Results Based on Draft Position
Draft Pick (Last Year)	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 (1) 	Beach McBungalow 	ALIVE
2 (12) 	Laser Rocket Arms 	11
3 (8) 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	ALIVE
4 (10) 	Out of Luck 	ALIVE
5 (16) 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	3
6 (7) 	Henry VIII 	9
7 (3) 	Mixon it Up wih Mahomie 	5
8 (19) 	Wildcat (no QBs no problem) 	ALIVE
9 (2) 	The Executioner 	4
10 (17) 	The Guilloteam 	7
11 (11) 	Burrow for Sure-Oh 	13
12 (14) 	CoachKnows 	1
13 (4) 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	12
14 (15) 	Bobecue Chicken 	2
15 (16) 	Muller Lite 	8
16 (20) 	DeCaPitated 	ALIVE
==Average Scores of Eliminated Teams==
Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
Team 	Average Score	Weeks Played
Henry VIII 	206.91 	9
Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	203.25 	12
burrow for sure-oh 	201.12 	13
The Guilloteam 	185.74 	7
Laser Rocket Arms 	184.99 	11
The Executioner 	177.11 	4
Muller Lite 	169.00 	8
It's Blitz! Track 2 	163.14 	3
Bobecue Chicken 	162.14 	2
Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	161.26 	5
CoachKnows 	123.21 	1
==Narrow Defeats==
Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:
Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
Team 	Margin of Defeat	Week Eliminated
CoachKnows 	2.49 	1
It's Blitz! Track 2 	2.90 	3
Bobecue Chicken 	5.91 	2
The Executioner 	11.98 	4
The Guilloteam 	12.11 	7
Muller Lite 	13.98 	5
Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	17.88 	5
Henry VIII 	19.02 	9
Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	28.49 	12
Laser Rocket Arms 	35.66 	11
burrow for sure-oh 	46.08 	13
One of the worst losses ever in Headhunters this week.
==Rulers of the Kingdom==
2022 first place finishers:
Top Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Out of Luck 	235.77
2 	Henry VIII 	291.46
3 	The Guilloteam 	252.22
4 	deCaPitated 	262.90
5 	burrow for sure-oh 	236.67
6 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	263.94
7 	Beach McBungalow 	257.43
8 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack (2)	305.26
9 	Beach McBungalow (2) 	269.56
10 	Wildcat (no QBs no problem) 	249.25
11 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	237.21
12 	Hasta Laviska Baby (2) 	272.11
13 	Hasta Laviska Baby (3) 	260.55
More like HOTsta Laviska, amiright? This is the first time a team has finished in first three straight times since 2019 when deCaPitated did it from weeks 12-14. He of course went on to lose the championship to Blitz! Track 2.
==Dungeon Dwellers==
2022 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:
Low Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Wildcat 	125.70
2 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	122.26
3 	Out of Luck 	151.03
4 	Muller Lite 	139.26
5 	Out of Luck (2) 	161.14
6 	deCaPitated 	148.97
7 	Muller Lite (2) 	154.95
8 	Beach McBungalow 	187.43
9 	Wildcat (2) 	154.76
10 	burrow for sure-oh 	168.14
11 	Out of Luck (3) 	189.08
12 	Out of Luck (4) 	210.63
13 	Beach McBungalow (2)	204.48
==Single Season Scoring Records==
As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here.
It was Chantel's best season but still feels like a disappointment considering the hot start to the year. 
Now we start to enter into all-time territory. As it stands now, several teams are primed to make an assault on CP's single-season record, including CP himself. 
All-Time Single Season HH Point Records
Score 	Player 	Year
3428.76	CP 	2019
3402.18	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2019
3121.28	Return of the Mac 	2021
3049.02	Bobecue Chicken 	2021
3015.53	Mixon Beer 	2020
3013.13	Müller Lite 	2021
2997.67	The Guilloteam 	2019
2980.07	Last Coach Standing 	2020
2743.25	@FFDraftScott 	2020
2733.07	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2020
2709.59	Mac 	2019
2677.20	Out of Luck 	2021
2620.18	The Titanic 	2021
2614.60	burrow for sure-oh 	2022
2438.96	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	2022
2422.98	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2019
2377.31	The Guilloteam 	2020
2285.51	CP 	2020
2282.91	Out of Luck 	2020
2262.36	Bad Boys 	2021
2233.57	Soul Survivor (burrow for sure-oh)	2021
2134.22	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2021
2046.35	LIVEWithIt 	2019
2034.86	Laser Rocket Arms 	2022
1941.63	Bobecue Chicken 	2019
1939.02	Beach McBungalow 	2021
1936.45	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2021
1862.19	Henry VIII 	2022
1817.79	Carole Pigskin 	2020
1749.51	The Guilloteam 	2021
1736.99	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2019
1611.76	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2020
1512.91	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2020
1509.41	CP 	2021
1483.70	Last Coach Standing 	2021
1473.18	Henry VIII 	2021
1439.40	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2020
1357.00	Henry VIII 	2019
1351.99	Muller Lite 	2022
1300.35	The Guilloteam 	2022
1238.56	Bluedevils 	2019
1182.09	Mixon Beer with Liquor 	2021
1160.81	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2021
1132.61	Henry VIII 	2020
1116.98	Shotti's Bugatti 	2020
1055.63	Mac 	2020
1049.89	LIVEWithIt 	2020
991.57 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2021
975.59 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2019
806.27 	Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	2022
768.10 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2021
717.82 	Out of Luck 	2019
713.12 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2020
708.44 	The Executioner 	2022
544.55 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2021
489.42 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2022
481.22 	@FFDraftScott 	2019
459.96 	Bobecue Chicken 	2020
324.28 	Bobecue Chicken 	2022
294.62 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2021
286.36 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2019
262.69 	Bad Boys 	2020
123.21 	CoachKnows 	2022
115.16 	Mixon Beer 	2019
96.56 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2020
== All-Time Combined Points Scored==
Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2022 season added to the total.
Even with one fewer season, burrow for sure-oh has had great runs in back-to-back years and they are ahead of four year teams like Bad Boys, Henry VIII, Mixon it Up, and Bobecue Chicken.
In other news, deCaPitated needs just 170.82 points to become the first team to break 10,000 points in Headhunters history. 
All-Time Combined Points Records
Score 	Player 	Years Played
8424.84	The Guilloteam 	4
7879.51	Laser Rocket Arms 	4
7594.94	The Executioner 	4
7223.68	deCaPitated 	3
7169.22	It's Blitz! Track 2 	4
6665.96	burrow for sure-oh 	3
6439.42	Bad Boys 	4
6076.59	Mixon It Up With Mahomie	4
5824.98	Henry VIII 	4
5774.89	Bobecue Chicken 	4
5677.93	Out of Luck 	3
5186.35	Neck-Fix and Chill 	3
5045.26	Beach McBungalow 	3
4586.98	CoachKnows 	3
4365.12	Müller Lite 	2
4312.78	Wildcat 	3
3406.56	Hasta Laviska Baby 	3
3058.93	Ya Hate 2 See It 	3
1885.08	Shotti's Bugatti 	2
1238.56	Bluedevils 	1
698.91 	Phillip's Team 	1
391.19 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2
==Remaining Budget ==
Remaining Budget as of 12/6/22
Player 	Total Budget
Beach McBungalow 	$223
Hasta Laviska Baby 	$190
Wildcat (no QBs no problem)	$33
deCaPitated 	$1
Out of Luck 	$0
burrow for sure-oh 	0
Bad Boys II 	0
Laser Rocket Arms 	0
Henry VIII 	0
Muller Lite 	0
The Guilloteam 	0
Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	0
The Executioner 	0
It's Blitz! Track 2 	0
Bobecue Chicken 	0
CoachKnows 	0
==Conclusion==
Happy hunting, y'all!