How to Make a Friend

During these unprecedented times, it’s hard to reach out and connect with others, especially those you haven’t met. But why go out and gamble on an encounter with a total stranger, when there’s a better way to find someone worth your time? These are a few steps that can get you in the right direction to making a very loyal, and incredibly powerful friend.
Hey Tommy, got your instructions. I think I have a good method for getting some of the goods for the boss.
First, you will need to create a sigil from scratch. There are many potential people, beings, entities, and animals that you can befriend, so don’t copy any other sigils you may find online or in literature. Be really creative, and free form with this process, as you are naturally attuned to the energy that your best possible friend would have, and vice versa. Make sure that you have this sigil drawn in a deep indigo color on white parchment paper.
So, the boss really believes in this kinda occult stuff, right? Not that I’m doubting him of course, but like, maybe we can use some of this stuff to get more candidates?
There is an abandoned church on the western outskirts of Madison, Wisconsin, but it is in better condition than you would expect. On a Wednesday night, park your car near this church, displaying your sigil prominently either in the windshield, or wrapped around your car door’s handle. Ensure that you are alone, as the cosmic energies will sense that you do not want for companionship. Enter the church, sit in one of the pews, and pray to the empty space where the crucifix used to be. Keep at this for as long as you can, as the next step will happen automatically.
Tommy, I’ve been thinking it over some since the last message. You know that old church where we used to hawk some coke to make some quick cash? Let’s make that our pick-up point. Those old vents should work well enough for the gas.
You will now find yourself somewhere cold and unfamiliar, and you may feel the emptiness within you calling out; this is normal, as this sensation is your soul begging to no longer be alone. Make your way through the clammy darkness, following what little light you can find. Eventually, you will find a hallway filled with doors. Many of these doors are locked, and of the three that you can open, only one is the correct way forward. The door with the faded number is not one that should be opened, as none who have entered have had their twisted, mutilated remains ever seen again. The door with the music behind it is, similarly, off limits, as you are here to make a friend, not an enemy. Once you have opened the correct door, you will see an angel at a desk.
To Rick: I think that’s an excellent location for where we pick up our cargo. The fact it’s so remote, but also close enough to our operation means that there is enough time to transport them before the anesthetics wear off. We might even have some time to get started on extracting the parts.
Know that the angel needs no words or questions from you, as he already has divine knowledge. Should you speak, have lived a life of sin, or just approach on a bad day, the angel will not hesitate to send you descending to the darkest fires of Hell. Simply wait for the angel to hand you a key, and he will tell you which door it goes to. Again, you cannot ask questions, so memorize his directions carefully.
I do, however, have some qualms with your proposition, namely allowing the target to roam around. We keep a few doors unlocked for ease of access, namely the rooms for Mr. Harvey and for cremation. We do not want the target to know what’s going on at any point during this operation. Furthermore, I do not want to deal with the targets beyond what is necessary, especially as I am busy managing our finances. Lastly, how do you expect them to willingly let themselves be operated upon?
There will be a table in the room you have entered. You will need to lie down on this table, as the feast is due to begin. Daemons of all sorts will come marching in, one by one, ready to consume your flesh. You have no hope of overpowering the fiends, so do not resist; instead, you have been blessed with divine protection. Allow the beasts to season your body, for that is when the holy trap will activate, obliterating all of them with light and shadow.
Tommy, don’t worry about it! The type of guys we’re aiming for are total suckers, have you even read some of that shit they believe in? These kooks are so stupid they would willingly go to a ghost slaughterhouse for no reason! You could make up some garbage about angels and demons, these dumbasses will buy it hook line and sinker, then recommend it to their moronic little pals. Sides, it ain’t like we need the brain or anything. I just need you to write it out for me, I ain’t good at this sort of flowery language stuff.
You will now find yourself back at the church, accompanied by your new friend. Your friend will have your best interests in mind, so make the most of it! Perhaps you may find that your new friend is familiar somehow…
To Rick: I have sent you the draft of the “Ritual Instructions,” hopefully this is sufficient enough. Mr. Harvey has stressed, with emphasis, that the parts must come from willing persons for the procedure to work. I am not entirely sure how that factors in, but we both trust the judgment of our employer and benefactor for the time being. I must admit that the allure of an immortal, reanimated workforce seems too good to be true, but Mr. Harvey has shown me enough evidence in private that assures me it’s worth giving a shot.
Category:Ritual
Category:Dismemberment
Category:RTWC23