All's Well That Ends Well/Act 2

==ACT II.==
=== SCENE 1. Paris. A room in the King's palace. ===
[Flourish. Enter the King, with young LORDS taking leave for the Florentine war; BERTRAM, PAROLLES, and Attendants.]
KING.
:Farewell, young lord; these war-like principles
:Do not throw from you:—and you, my lord, farewell;—
:Share the advice betwixt you; if both gain all,
:The gift doth stretch itself as 'tis received,
:And is enough for both.
FIRST LORD.
:It is our hope, sir,
:After well-enter'd soldiers, to return
:And find your grace in health.
KING.
:No, no, it cannot be; and yet my heart
:Will not confess he owes the malady
:That doth my life besiege. Farewell, young lords;
:Whether I live or die, be you the sons
:Of worthy Frenchmen; let higher Italy,—
:Those bated that inherit but the fall
:Of the last monarchy,—see that you come
:Not to woo honour, but to wed it; when
:The bravest questant shrinks, find what you seek,
:That fame may cry you aloud: I say farewell.
SECOND LORD.
:Health, at your bidding, serve your majesty!
KING.
:Those girls of Italy, take heed of them;
:They say our French lack language to deny,
:If they demand: beware of being captives
:Before you serve.
BOTH.
:Our hearts receive your warnings.
KING.
:Farewell.—Come hither to me.
[The king retires to a couch.]
FIRST LORD.
:O my sweet lord, that you will stay behind us!
PAROLLES.
:'Tis not his fault; the spark—
SECOND LORD.
:O, 'tis brave wars!
PAROLLES.
:Most admirable: I have seen those wars.
BERTRAM.
:I am commanded here and kept a coil with,
:'Too young' and next year' and tis too early.'
PAROLLES.
:An thy mind stand to it, boy, steal away bravely.
BERTRAM.
:I shall stay here the forehorse to a smock,
:Creaking my shoes on the plain masonry,
:Till honour be bought up, and no sword worn
:But one to dance with! By heaven, I'll steal away.
FIRST LORD.
:There's honour in the theft.
PAROLLES.
:Commit it, count.
SECOND LORD.
:I am your accessary; and so farewell.
BERTRAM.
:I grow to you, and our parting is a tortured body.
FIRST LORD.
:Farewell, captain.
SECOND LORD.
:Sweet Monsieur Parolles!
PAROLLES.
:Noble heroes, my sword and yours are kin. Good sparks and
:lustrous, a word, good metals.—You shall find in the regiment of
:the Spinii one Captain Spurio, with his cicatrice, an emblem of
:war, here on his sinister cheek; it was this very sword
:entrenched it: say to him I live; and observe his reports for me.
FIRST LORD.
:We shall, noble captain.
PAROLLES.
:Mars dote on you for his novices!
[Exeunt LORDS.]
:What will ye do?
BERTRAM.
:Stay; the king—
PAROLLES.
:Use a more spacious ceremony to the noble lords; you have
:restrained yourself within the list of too cold an adieu: be more
:expressive to them; for they wear themselves in the cap of the
:time; there do muster true gait; eat, speak, and move, under the
:influence of the most received star; and though the devil lead
:the measure, such are to be followed: after them, and take a more
:dilated farewell.
BERTRAM.
:And I will do so.
PAROLLES.
:Worthy fellows; and like to prove most sinewy sword-men.
[Exeunt BERTRAM and PAROLLES.]
[Enter LAFEU.]
LAFEU.
:Pardon, my lord [kneeling], for me and for my tidings.
KING.
:I'll fee thee to stand up.
LAFEU.
:Then here's a man stands that has bought his pardon.
:I would you had kneel'd, my lord, to ask me mercy;
:And that at my bidding you could so stand up.
KING.
:I would I had; so I had broke thy pate,
:And ask'd thee mercy for't.
LAFEU.
:Good faith, across;
:But, my good lord, 'tis thus: will you be cured
:Of your infirmity?
KING.
:No.
LAFEU.
:O, will you eat
:No grapes, my royal fox? yes, but you will
:My noble grapes, and if my royal fox
:Could reach them: I have seen a medicine
:That's able to breathe life into a stone,
:Quicken a rock, and make you dance canary
:With spritely fire and motion; whose simple touch
:Is powerful to araise King Pipin, nay,
:To give great Charlemain a pen in his hand
:And write to her a love-line.
KING.
:What 'her' is that?
LAFEU.
:Why, doctor 'she': my lord, there's one arriv'd,
:If you will see her,—now, by my faith and honour,
:If seriously I may convey my thoughts
:In this my light deliverance, I have spoke
:With one that in her sex, her years, profession,
:Wisdom, and constancy, hath amaz'd me more
:Than I dare blame my weakness: will you see her,—
:For that is her demand,—and know her business?
:That done, laugh well at me.
KING.
:Now, good Lafeu,
:Bring in the admiration; that we with the
:May spend our wonder too, or take off thine
:By wondering how thou took'st it.
LAFEU.
:Nay, I'll fit you,
:And not be all day neither.
[Exit LAFEU.]
KING.
:Thus he his special nothing ever prologues.
[Re-enter LAFEU with HELENA.]
LAFEU.
:Nay, come your ways.
KING.
:This haste hath wings indeed.
LAFEU.
:Nay, come your ways;
:This is his majesty: say your mind to him.
:A traitor you do look like; but such traitors
:His majesty seldom fears: I am Cressid's uncle,
:That dare leave two together: fare you well.
[Exit.]
KING.
:Now, fair one, does your business follow us?
HELENA.
:Ay, my good lord. Gerard de Narbon was
:My father; in what he did profess, well found.
KING.
:I knew him.
HELENA.
:The rather will I spare my praises towards him.
:Knowing him is enough. On his bed of death
:Many receipts he gave me; chiefly one,
:Which, as the dearest issue of his practice,
:And of his old experience the only darling,
:He bade me store up as a triple eye,
:Safer than mine own two, more dear: I have so:
:And, hearing your high majesty is touch'd
:With that malignant cause wherein the honour
:Of my dear father's gift stands chief in power,
:I come to tender it, and my appliance,
:With all bound humbleness.
KING.
:We thank you, maiden:
:But may not be so credulous of cure,—
:When our most learned doctors leave us, and
:The congregated college have concluded
:That labouring art can never ransom nature
:From her inaidable estate,—I say we must not
:So stain our judgment, or corrupt our hope,
:To prostitute our past-cure malady
:To empirics; or to dissever so
:Our great self and our credit, to esteem
:A senseless help, when help past sense we deem.
HELENA.
:My duty, then, shall pay me for my pains:
:I will no more enforce mine office on you;
:Humbly entreating from your royal thoughts
:A modest one to bear me back again.
KING.
:I cannot give thee less, to be call'd grateful.
:Thou thought'st to help me; and such thanks I give
:As one near death to those that wish him live:
:But what at full I know, thou know'st no part;
:I knowing all my peril, thou no art.
HELENA.
:What I can do can do no hurt to try,
:Since you set up your rest 'gainst remedy.
:He that of greatest works is finisher
:Oft does them by the weakest minister:
:So holy writ in babes hath judgment shown,
:When judges have been babes. Great floods have flown
:From simple sources; and great seas have dried
:When miracles have by the greatest been denied.
:Oft expectation fails, and most oft there
:Where most it promises; and oft it hits
:Where hope is coldest, and despair most fits.
KING.
:I must not hear thee: fare thee well, kind maid;
:Thy pains, not used, must by thyself be paid:
:Proffers, not took, reap thanks for their reward.
HELENA.
:Inspired merit so by breath is barred:
:It is not so with Him that all things knows,
:As 'tis with us that square our guess by shows:
:But most it is presumption in us when
:The help of heaven we count the act of men.
:Dear sir, to my endeavours give consent:
:Of heaven, not me, make an experiment.
:I am not an impostor, that proclaim
:Myself against the level of mine aim;
:But know I think, and think I know most sure,
:My art is not past power nor you past cure.
KING.
:Art thou so confident? Within what space
:Hop'st thou my cure?
HELENA.
:The greatest grace lending grace.
:Ere twice the horses of the sun shall bring
:Their fiery torcher his diurnal ring;
:Ere twice in murk and occidental damp
:Moist Hesperus hath quench'd his sleepy lamp;
:Or four-and-twenty times the pilot's glass
:Hath told the thievish minutes how they pass;
:What is infirm from your sound parts shall fly,
:Health shall live free, and sickness freely die.
KING.
:Upon thy certainty and confidence
:What dar'st thou venture?
HELENA.
:Tax of impudence,—
:A strumpet's boldness, a divulged shame,—
:Traduc'd by odious ballads; my maiden's name
:Sear'd otherwise; ne worse of worst extended,
:With vilest torture let my life be ended.
KING.
:Methinks in thee some blessed spirit doth speak;
:His powerful sound within an organ weak:
:And what impossibility would slay
:In common sense, sense saves another way.
:Thy life is dear; for all that life can rate
:Worth name of life in thee hath estimate:
:Youth, beauty, wisdom, courage, all
:That happiness and prime can happy call;
:Thou this to hazard needs must intimate
:Skill infinite or monstrous desperate.
:Sweet practiser, thy physic I will try:
:That ministers thine own death if I die.
HELENA.
:If I break time, or flinch in property
:Of what I spoke, unpitied let me die;
:And well deserv'd. Not helping, death's my fee;
:But, if I help, what do you promise me?
KING.
:Make thy demand.
HELENA.
:But will you make it even?
KING.
:Ay, by my sceptre and my hopes of heaven.
HELENA.
:Then shalt thou give me, with thy kingly hand
:What husband in thy power I will command:
:Exempted be from me the arrogance
:To choose from forth the royal blood of France,
:My low and humble name to propagate
:With any branch or image of thy state:
:But such a one, thy vassal, whom I know
:Is free for me to ask, thee to bestow.
KING.
:Here is my hand; the premises observ'd,
:Thy will by my performance shall be serv'd;
:So make the choice of thy own time, for I,
:Thy resolv'd patient, on thee still rely.
:More should I question thee, and more I must,—
:Though more to know could not be more to trust,—
:From whence thou cam'st, how tended on.—But rest
:Unquestion'd welcome and undoubted blest.—
:Give me some help here, ho!—If thou proceed
:As high as word, my deed shall match thy deed.
[Flourish. Exeunt.]
===SCENE 2. Rousillon. A room in the COUNTESS'S palace.===
[Enter COUNTESS and CLOWN.]
COUNTESS.
:Come on, sir; I shall now put you to the height of your
:breeding.
CLOWN.
:I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught: I know my
:business is but to the court.
COUNTESS.
:To the court! why, what place make you special, when you
:put off that with such contempt? But to the court!
CLOWN.
:Truly, madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he may
:easily put it off at court: he that cannot make a leg, put off's
:cap, kiss his hand, and say nothing, has neither leg, hands, lip,
:nor cap; and indeed such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for
:the court; but for me, I have an answer will serve all men.
COUNTESS.
:Marry, that's a bountiful answer that fits all questions.
CLOWN.
:It is like a barber's chair, that fits all buttocks—the pin-
:buttock, the quatch-buttock, the brawn-buttock, or any buttock.
COUNTESS.
:Will your answer serve fit to all questions?
CLOWN.
:As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney, as your
:French crown for your taffety punk, as Tib's rush for Tom's
:forefinger, as a pancake for Shrove-Tuesday, a morris for Mayday,
:as the nail to his hole, the cuckold to his horn, as a scolding
:quean to a wrangling knave, as the nun's lip to the friar's
:mouth; nay, as the pudding to his skin.
COUNTESS.
:Have you, I, say, an answer of such fitness for all questions?
CLOWN.
:From below your duke to beneath your constable, it will fit any
:question.
COUNTESS.
:It must be an answer of most monstrous size that must fit all
:demands.
CLOWN.
:But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned should
:speak truth of it: here it is, and all that belongs to't. Ask me
:if I am a courtier: it shall do you no harm to learn.
COUNTESS.
:To be young again, if we could: I will be a fool in question,
:hoping to be the wiser by your answer. I pray you, sir, are you a
:courtier?
CLOWN.
:O Lord, sir!—There's a simple putting off. More, more, a hundred
:of them.
COUNTESS.
:Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, that loves you.
CLOWN.
:O Lord, sir!—Thick, thick; spare not me.
COUNTESS.
:I think, sir, you can eat none of this homely meat.
CLOWN.
:O Lord, sir!—Nay, put me to't, I warrant you.
COUNTESS.
:You were lately whipped, sir, as I think.
CLOWN.
:O Lord, sir!—Spare not me.
COUNTESS.
:Do you cry 'O Lord, sir!' at your whipping, and 'spare not me'?
:Indeed your 'O Lord, sir!' is very sequent to your whipping. You
:would answer very well to a whipping, if you were but bound to't.
CLOWN.
:I ne'er had worse luck in my life in my—'O Lord, sir!' I see
:thing's may serve long, but not serve ever.
COUNTESS.
:I play the noble housewife with the time, to entertain it so
:merrily with a fool.
CLOWN.
:O Lord, sir!—Why, there't serves well again.
COUNTESS.
:An end, sir! To your business. Give Helen this,
:And urge her to a present answer back:
:Commend me to my kinsmen and my son:
:This is not much.
CLOWN.
:Not much commendation to them.
COUNTESS.
:Not much employment for you: you understand me?
CLOWN.
:Most fruitfully: I am there before my legs.
COUNTESS.
:Haste you again.
[Exeunt severally.]
===SCENE 3. Paris. The KING'S palace.===
[Enter BERTRAM, LAFEU, and PAROLLES.]
LAFEU.
:They say miracles are past; and we have our philosophical
:persons to make modern and familiar things supernatural and
:causeless. Hence is it that we make trifles of terrors,
:ensconcing ourselves into seeming knowledge when we should submit
:ourselves to an unknown fear.
PAROLLES.
:Why, 'tis the rarest argument of wonder that hath shot out in our
:latter times.
BERTRAM.
:And so 'tis.
LAFEU.
:To be relinquish'd of the artists,—
PAROLLES.
:So I say; both of Galen and Paracelsus.
LAFEU.
:Of all the learned and authentic fellows,—
PAROLLES.
:Right; so I say.
LAFEU.
:That gave him out incurable,—
PAROLLES.
:Why, there 'tis; so say I too.
LAFEU.
:Not to be helped,—
PAROLLES.
:Right; as 'twere a man assured of a,—
LAFEU.
:Uncertain life and sure death.
PAROLLES.
:Just; you say well: so would I have said.
LAFEU.
:I may truly say, it is a novelty to the world.
PAROLLES.
:It is indeed: if you will have it in showing, you shall read it
:in,—What do you call there?—
LAFEU.
:A showing of a heavenly effect in an earthly actor.
PAROLLES.
:That's it; I would have said the very same.
LAFEU.
:Why, your dolphin is not lustier: 'fore me, I speak in
:respect,—
PAROLLES.
:Nay, 'tis strange, 'tis very strange; that is the brief and the
:tedious of it; and he's of a most facinerious spirit that will
:not acknowledge it to be the,—
LAFEU.
:Very hand of heaven.
PAROLLES.
:Ay; so I say.
LAFEU.
:In a most weak,—
PAROLLES.
:And debile minister, great power, great transcendence: which
:should, indeed, give us a further use to be made than alone
:the recov'ry of the king, as to be,—
LAFEU.
:Generally thankful.
PAROLLES.
:I would have said it; you say well. Here comes the king.
[Enter KING, HELENA, and Attendants.]
LAFEU.
:Lustic, as the Dutchman says: I'll like a maid the better, whilst
:I have a tooth in my head: why, he's able to lead her a coranto.
PAROLLES.
:'Mort du vinaigre!' is not this Helen?
LAFEU.
:'Fore God, I think so.
KING.
:Go, call before me all the lords in court.—
[Exit an Attendant.]
:Sit, my preserver, by thy patient's side;
:And with this healthful hand, whose banish'd sense
:Thou has repeal'd, a second time receive
:The confirmation of my promis'd gift,
:Which but attends thy naming.
[Enter severaol Lords.]
:Fair maid, send forth thine eye: this youthful parcel
:Of noble bachelors stand at my bestowing,
:O'er whom both sovereign power and father's voice
:I have to use: thy frank election make;
:Thou hast power to choose, and they none to forsake.
HELENA.
:To each of you one fair and virtuous mistress
:Fall, when love please!—marry, to each, but one!
LAFEU.
:I'd give bay Curtal and his furniture,
:My mouth no more were broken than these boys',
:And writ as little beard.
KING.
:Peruse them well:
:Not one of those but had a noble father.
HELENA.
:Gentlemen,
:Heaven hath through me restor'd the king to health.
ALL.
:We understand it, and thank heaven for you.
HELENA.
:I am a simple maid, and therein wealthiest
:That I protest I simply am a maid.—
:Please it, your majesty, I have done already:
:The blushes in my cheeks thus whisper me—
:'We blush that thou shouldst choose; but, be refus'd,
:Let the white death sit on thy cheek for ever;
:We'll ne'er come there again.'
KING.
:Make choice; and, see:
:Who shuns thy love shuns all his love in me.
HELENA.
:Now, Dian, from thy altar do I fly,
:And to imperial Love, that god most high,
:Do my sighs stream.—Sir, will you hear my suit?
FIRST LORD.
:And grant it.
HELENA.
:Thanks, sir; all the rest is mute.
LAFEU.
:I had rather be in this choice than throw ames-ace for my life.
HELENA.
:The honour, sir, that flames in your fair eyes,
:Before I speak, too threateningly replies:
:Love make your fortunes twenty times above
:Her that so wishes, and her humble love!
SECOND LORD.
:No better, if you please.
HELENA.
:My wish receive,
:Which great Love grant; and so I take my leave.
LAFEU.
:Do all they deny her? An they were sons of mine I'd have them
:whipped; or I would send them to the Turk to make eunuchs of.
HELENA.
:[To third Lord.] Be not afraid that I your hand should take;
:I'll never do you wrong for your own sake:
:Blessing upon your vows! and in your bed
:Find fairer fortune, if you ever wed!
LAFEU.
:These boys are boys of ice: they'll none have her:
:Sure, they are bastards to the English; the French ne'er got 'em.
HELENA.
:You are too young, too happy, and too good,
:To make yourself a son out of my blood.
FOURTH LORD.
:Fair one, I think not so.
LAFEU.
:There's one grape yet,—I am sure thy father drank wine.—But
:if thou beest not an ass, I am a youth of fourteen; I have known
:thee already.
HELENA.
:[To BERTRAM.] I dare not say I take you; but I give
:Me and my service, ever whilst I live,
:Into your guiding power.—This is the man.
KING.
:Why, then, young Bertram, take her; she's thy wife.
BERTRAM.
:My wife, my liege! I shall beseech your highness,
:In such a business give me leave to use
:The help of mine own eyes.
KING.
:Know'st thou not, Bertram,
:What she has done for me?
BERTRAM.
:Yes, my good lord;
:But never hope to know why I should marry her.
KING.
:Thou know'st she has rais'd me from my sickly bed.
BERTRAM.
:But follows it, my lord, to bring me down
:Must answer for your raising? I know her well;
:She had her breeding at my father's charge:
:A poor physician's daughter my wife!—Disdain
:Rather corrupt me ever!
KING.
:'Tis only title thou disdain'st in her, the which
:I can build up. Strange is it that our bloods,
:Of colour, weight, and heat, pour'd all together,
:Would quite confound distinction, yet stand off
:In differences so mighty. If she be
:All that is virtuous,—save what thou dislik'st,
:A poor physician's daughter,—thou dislik'st
:Of virtue for the name: but do not so:
:From lowest place when virtuous things proceed,
:The place is dignified by the doer's deed:
:Where great additions swell's, and virtue none,
:It is a dropsied honour: good alone
:Is good without a name; vileness is so:
:The property by what it is should go,
:Not by the title. She is young, wise, fair;
:In these to nature she's immediate heir;
:And these breed honour: that is honour's scorn
:Which challenges itself as honour's born,
:And is not like the sire: honours thrive
:When rather from our acts we them derive
:Than our fore-goers: the mere word's a slave,
:Debauch'd on every tomb; on every grave
:A lying trophy; and as oft is dumb
:Where dust and damn'd oblivion is the tomb
:Of honour'd bones indeed. What should be said?
:If thou canst like this creature as a maid,
:I can create the rest: virtue and she
:Is her own dower; honour and wealth from me.
BERTRAM.
:I cannot love her, nor will strive to do 't.
KING.
:Thou wrong'st thyself, if thou shouldst strive to choose.
HELENA.
:That you are well restor'd, my lord, I am glad:
:Let the rest go.
KING.
:My honour's at the stake; which to defeat,
:I must produce my power. Here, take her hand,
:Proud scornful boy, unworthy this good gift;
:That dost in vile misprision shackle up
:My love and her desert; that canst not dream
:We, poising us in her defective scale,
:Shall weigh thee to the beam; that wilt not know
:It is in us to plant thine honour where
:We please to have it grow. Check thy contempt:
:Obey our will, which travails in thy good;
:Believe not thy disdain, but presently
:Do thine own fortunes that obedient right
:Which both thy duty owes and our power claims
:Or I will throw thee from my care for ever,
:Into the staggers and the careless lapse
:Of youth and ignorance; both my revenge and hate
:Loosing upon thee in the name of justice,
:Without all terms of pity. Speak! thine answer!
BERTRAM.
:Pardon, my gracious lord; for I submit
:My fancy to your eyes: when I consider
:What great creation, and what dole of honour
:Flies where you bid it, I find that she, which late
:Was in my nobler thoughts most base, is now
:The praised of the king; who, so ennobled,
:Is as 'twere born so.
KING.
:Take her by the hand,
:And tell her she is thine: to whom I promise
:A counterpoise; if not to thy estate,
:A balance more replete.
BERTRAM.
:I take her hand.
KING.
:Good fortune and the favour of the king
:Smile upon this contract; whose ceremony
:Shall seem expedient on the now-born brief,
:And be perform'd to-night: the solemn feast
:Shall more attend upon the coming space,
:Expecting absent friends. As thou lov'st her,
:Thy love's to me religious; else, does err.
[Exeunt KING, BERTAM, HELENA, Lords, and Attendants.]
LAFEU.
:Do you hear, monsieur? a word with you.
PAROLLES.
:Your pleasure, sir?
LAFEU.
:Your lord and master did well to make his recantation.
PAROLLES.
:Recantation!—my lord! my master!
LAFEU.
:Ay; is it not a language I speak?
PAROLLES.
:A most harsh one, and not to be understood without bloody
:succeeding. My master!
LAFEU.
:Are you companion to the Count Rousillon?
PAROLLES.
:To any count; to all counts; to what is man.
LAFEU.
:To what is count's man: count's master is of another style.
PAROLLES.
:You are too old, sir; let it satisfy you, you are too old.
LAFEU.
:I must tell thee, sirrah, I write man; to which title age cannot
:bring thee.
PAROLLES.
:What I dare too well do, I dare not do.
LAFEU.
:I did think thee, for two ordinaries, to be a pretty wise
:fellow; thou didst make tolerable vent of thy travel; it might
:pass: yet the scarfs and the bannerets about thee did manifoldly
:dissuade me from believing thee a vessel of too great a burden. I
:have now found thee; when I lose thee again I care not: yet art
:thou good for nothing but taking up; and that thou art scarce
:worth.
PAROLLES.
:Hadst thou not the privilege of antiquity upon thee,—
LAFEU.
:Do not plunge thyself too far in anger, lest thou hasten thy
:trial; which if—Lord have mercy on thee for a hen! So, my good
:window of lattice, fare thee well: thy casement I need not open,
:for I look through thee. Give me thy hand.
PAROLLES.
:My lord, you give me most egregious indignity.
LAFEU.
:Ay, with all my heart; and thou art worthy of it.
PAROLLES.
:I have not, my lord, deserved it.
LAFEU.
:Yes, good faith, every dram of it: and I will not bate thee
:a scruple.
PAROLLES.
:Well, I shall be wiser.
LAFEU.
:E'en as soon as thou canst, for thou hast to pull at a smack
:o' th' contrary. If ever thou beest bound in thy scarf and
:beaten, thou shalt find what it is to be proud of thy bondage. I
:have a desire to hold my acquaintance with thee, or rather my
:knowledge, that I may say in the default, he is a man I know.
PAROLLES.
:My lord, you do me most insupportable vexation.
LAFEU.
:I would it were hell-pains for thy sake, and my poor doing
:eternal: for doing I am past; as I will by thee, in what motion
:age will give me leave.
[Exit.]
PAROLLES.
:Well, thou hast a son shall take this disgrace off me;
:scurvy, old, filthy, scurvy lord!—Well, I must be patient; there
:is no fettering of authority. I'll beat him, by my life, if I can
:meet him with any convenience, an he were double and double a
:lord. I'll have no more pity of his age than I would have of—
:I'll beat him, an if I could but meet him again.
[Re-enter LAFEU.]
LAFEU.
:Sirrah, your lord and master's married; there's news for you; you
:have a new mistress.
PAROLLES.
:I most unfeignedly beseech your lordship to make some reservation
:of your wrongs: he is my good lord: whom I serve above is my
:master.
LAFEU.
:Who? God?
PAROLLES.
:Ay, sir.
LAFEU.
:The devil it is that's thy master. Why dost thou garter up thy
:arms o' this fashion? dost make hose of thy sleeves? do other
:servants so? Thou wert best set thy lower part where thy nose
:stands. By mine honour, if I were but two hours younger, I'd beat
:thee: methink'st thou art a general offence, and every man should
:beat thee. I think thou wast created for men to breathe
:themselves upon thee.
PAROLLES.
:This is hard and undeserved measure, my lord.
LAFEU.
:Go to, sir; you were beaten in Italy for picking a kernel
:out of a pomegranate; you are a vagabond, and no true traveller:
:you are more saucy with lords and honourable personages than the
:heraldry of your birth and virtue gives you commission. You are
:not worth another word, else I'd call you knave. I leave you.
[Exit.]
PAROLLES.
:Good, very good, it is so then.—Good, very good; let it
:be concealed awhile.
[Enter BERTRAM.]
BERTRAM.
:Undone, and forfeited to cares for ever!
PAROLLES.
:What's the matter, sweet heart?
BERTRAM.
:Although before the solemn priest I have sworn,
:I will not bed her.
PAROLLES.
:What, what, sweet heart?
BERTRAM.
:O my Parolles, they have married me!—
:I'll to the Tuscan wars, and never bed her.
PAROLLES.
:France is a dog-hole, and it no more merits
:The tread of a man's foot:—to the wars!
BERTRAM.
:There's letters from my mother; what the import is
:I know not yet.
PAROLLES.
:Ay, that would be known. To the wars, my boy, to the wars!
:He wears his honour in a box unseen
:That hugs his kicksy-wicksy here at home,
:Spending his manly marrow in her arms,
:Which should sustain the bound and high curvet
:Of Mars's fiery steed. To other regions!
:France is a stable; we that dwell in't, jades;
:Therefore, to the war!
BERTRAM.
:It shall be so; I'll send her to my house,
:Acquaint my mother with my hate to her,
:And wherefore I am fled; write to the king
:That which I durst not speak: his present gift
:Shall furnish me to those Italian fields
:Where noble fellows strike: war is no strife
:To the dark house and the detested wife.
PAROLLES.
:Will this caprichio hold in thee, art sure?
BERTRAM.
:Go with me to my chamber and advise me.
:I'll send her straight away: to-morrow
:I'll to the wars, she to her single sorrow.
PAROLLES.
:Why, these balls bound; there's noise in it. 'Tis hard:
:A young man married is a man that's marr'd:
:Therefore away, and leave her bravely; go:
:The king has done you wrong: but, hush, 'tis so.
[Exeunt.]
===SCENE 4. The same. Another room in the same.===
[Enter HELENA and CLOWN.]
HELENA.
:My mother greets me kindly: is she well?
CLOWN.
:She is not well, but yet she has her health: she's very
:merry, but yet she is not well: but thanks be given, she's very
:well, and wants nothing i' the world; but yet she is not well.
HELENA.
:If she be very well, what does she ail that she's not very well?
CLOWN.
:Truly, she's very well indeed, but for two things.
HELENA.
:What two things?
CLOWN.
:One, that she's not in heaven, whither God send her quickly!
:The other, that she's in earth, from whence God send her quickly!
[Enter PAROLLES.]
PAROLLES.
:Bless you, my fortunate lady!
HELENA.
:I hope, sir, I have your good will to have mine own good
:fortunes.
PAROLLES.
:You had my prayers to lead them on; and to keep them on,
:have them still. O, my knave,—how does my old lady?
CLOWN.
:So that you had her wrinkles and I her money, I would she did as
:you say.
PAROLLES.
:Why, I say nothing.
CLOWN.
:Marry, you are the wiser man; for many a man's tongue shakes out
:his master's undoing: to say nothing, to do nothing, to know
:nothing, and to have nothing, is to be a great part of your
:title; which is within a very little of nothing.
PAROLLES.
:Away! thou art a knave.
CLOWN.
:You should have said, sir, before a knave thou art a knave;
:that is before me thou art a knave: this had been truth, sir.
PAROLLES.
:Go to, thou art a witty fool; I have found thee.
CLOWN.
:Did you find me in yourself, sir? or were you taught to find me?
:The search, sir, was profitable; and much fool may you find in
:you, even to the world's pleasure and the increase of laughter.
PAROLLES.
:A good knave, i' faith, and well fed.—
:Madam, my lord will go away to-night:
:A very serious business calls on him.
:The great prerogative and right of love,
:Which, as your due, time claims, he does acknowledge;
:But puts it off to a compell'd restraint;
:Whose want, and whose delay, is strew'd with sweets;
:Which they distil now in the curbed time,
:To make the coming hour o'erflow with joy
:And pleasure drown the brim.
HELENA.
:What's his will else?
PAROLLES.
:That you will take your instant leave o' the king,
:And make this haste as your own good proceeding,
:Strengthen'd with what apology you think
:May make it probable need.
HELENA.
:What more commands he?
PAROLLES.
:That, having this obtain'd, you presently
:Attend his further pleasure.
HELENA.
:In everything I wait upon his will.
PAROLLES.
:I shall report it so.
HELENA.
:I pray you.—Come, sirrah.
[Exeunt.]
===SCENE 5. Another room in the same.===
[Enter LAFEU and BERTRAM.]
LAFEU.
:But I hope your lordship thinks not him a soldier.
BERTRAM.
:Yes, my lord, and of very valiant approof.
LAFEU.
:You have it from his own deliverance.
BERTRAM.
:And by other warranted testimony.
LAFEU.
:Then my dial goes not true: I took this lark for a bunting.
BERTRAM.
:I do assure you, my lord, he is very great in knowledge,
:and accordingly valiant.
LAFEU.
:I have, then, sinned against his experience and transgressed
:against his valour; and my state that way is dangerous, since I
:cannot yet find in my heart to repent. Here he comes; I pray you
:make us friends; I will pursue the amity
[Enter PAROLLES.]
PAROLLES.
:[To BERTRAM.] These things shall be done, sir.
LAFEU.
:Pray you, sir, who's his tailor?
PAROLLES.
:Sir!
LAFEU.
:O, I know him well, I, sir; he, sir, is a good workman, 
:a very good tailor.
BERTRAM.
:[Aside to PAROLLES.] Is she gone to the king?
PAROLLES.
:She is.
BERTRAM.
:Will she away to-night?
PAROLLES.
:As you'll have her.
BERTRAM.
:I have writ my letters, casketed my treasure,
:Given order for our horses; and to-night,
:When I should take possession of the bride,
:End ere I do begin.
LAFEU.
:A good traveller is something at the latter end of a dinner;
:but one that lies three-thirds and uses a known truth to pass a
:thousand nothings with, should be once heard and thrice beaten.—
:God save you, Captain.
BERTRAM.
:Is there any unkindness between my lord and you, monsieur?
PAROLLES.
:I know not how I have deserved to run into my lord's displeasure.
LAFEU.
:You have made shift to run into 't, boots and spurs and all,
:like him that leapt into the custard; and out of it you'll run
:again, rather than suffer question for your residence.
BERTRAM.
:It may be you have mistaken him, my lord.
LAFEU.
:And shall do so ever, though I took him at his prayers.
:Fare you well, my lord; and believe this of me, there can be no
:kernal in this light nut; the soul of this man is his clothes;
:trust him not in matter of heavy consequence; I have kept of them
:tame, and know their natures.—Farewell, monsieur; I have spoken
:better of you than you have or will to deserve at my hand; but we
:must do good against evil.
[Exit.]
PAROLLES.
:An idle lord, I swear.
BERTRAM.
:I think so.
PAROLLES.
:Why, do you not know him?
BERTRAM.
:Yes, I do know him well; and common speech
:Gives him a worthy pass. Here comes my clog.
[Enter HELENA.]
HELENA.
:I have, sir, as I was commanded from you,
:Spoke with the king, and have procur'd his leave
:For present parting; only he desires
:Some private speech with you.
BERTRAM.
:I shall obey his will.
:You must not marvel, Helen, at my course,
:Which holds not colour with the time, nor does
:The ministration and required office
:On my particular. Prepared I was not
:For such a business; therefore am I found
:So much unsettled: this drives me to entreat you:
:That presently you take your way for home,
:And rather muse than ask why I entreat you:
:For my respects are better than they seem;
:And my appointments have in them a need
:Greater than shows itself at the first view
:To you that know them not. This to my mother:
[Giving a letter.]
:'Twill be two days ere I shall see you; so
:I leave you to your wisdom.
HELENA.
:Sir, I can nothing say
:But that I am your most obedient servant.
BERTRAM.
:Come, come, no more of that.
HELENA.
:And ever shall
:With true observance seek to eke out that
:Wherein toward me my homely stars have fail'd
:To equal my great fortune.
BERTRAM.
:Let that go:
:My haste is very great. Farewell; hie home.
HELENA.
:Pray, sir, your pardon.
BERTRAM.
:Well, what would you say?
HELENA.
:I am not worthy of the wealth I owe;
:Nor dare I say 'tis mine, and yet it is;
:But, like a timorous thief, most fain would steal
:What law does vouch mine own.
BERTRAM.
:What would you have?
HELENA.
:Something; and scarce so much:—nothing, indeed.—
:I would not tell you what I would, my lord:—Faith, yes;—
:Strangers and foes do sunder and not kiss.
BERTRAM.
:I pray you, stay not, but in haste to horse.
HELENA.
:I shall not break your bidding, good my lord.
BERTRAM.
:Where are my other men, monsieur?—
:Farewell,
[Exit HELENA.]
:Go thou toward home, where I will never come
:Whilst I can shake my sword or hear the drum:—
:Away, and for our flight.
PAROLLES.
:Bravely, coragio!
[Exeunt.]
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