The Eddsworldening Conundrum

=== Episode 1: ===
(CONTENT WARNING: This roleplay is not a part of the main homeStuck rolepay lore, and should not be treated as such. Thank you!!) It all started when we decided to once again goof around and invaded a different roleplay game as homestuck characters. this time it was eddsworld; however, rules were in place where homestuck characters could not coexist in the eddsworld universe. so now we meet three new characters...
these characters stumble into the world of edds. we got totally tord, a tord who is totally, tom, and Girl Eddsworld.
they wander into the neighborhood, a hood that is neighbored, and tom leads them into his space ship or something. he then tells them a HUGE secret. his name is actually NOT tom. it had been tim all along. everyone his whole life had only called him tom, when really his name was tim. this slowly drove him insane. he dedicated himself to bettering the community. this is his villain origin story.
totally tord does not believe tim, and continues calling him tom for a time, but then resorts to calling him "tim" (with the quotations) when tim starts saying totally tord separately from the sentence when referring to him instead of using a comma like a normal person.
Girl Eddsworld continues to be the Girl Eddsworld of all time.
we leave these three for a little bit to see three OTHER new characters. these characters are NOT from the webcomic of 2009 that we do not speak of.
eddsworld red base is a lovely place, which is why crab cancer, columns labond, and edgy rocks decide to infiltrate it. and by infiltrate, i mean they politely go up and ask if they can join the red team. the red team however, were being redphobic, and not allowing them in. they make their way inside anyway, where they meet a lady named Blue while watching some of crab cancer's romcoms. Blue notices Column's violet eyes, which are like hers, and Columns goes on about how she might be related to Rocks due to Ghostology. Apparently she knows a guy named Jon. (Not Jon Robotnik, apparently. How sad.) Columns questioned Blue about it and said something very suspicious about Jon. Let's see.. What was it? Ah.
"Does he have glasses, blue eyes, black hair, cerulean clothing, and the most adorable buck teeth I've ever seen?"
"..."
Then they decide to go to bed. Downstairs, Rocks and Crab are talking to eachother, while Blue is showing Columns to the rooms. A guy shows up trying to murder her, and Columns warns him about her wand, the Prickles of Olgaemo. He does not back down, so Columns casts a dark spell on him that causes a seizure. Rocks sees this and tries to warn her about the effects of doing such magic. Columns brushes it off because she was defending herself. crab cancer can not sleep, so he goes to columns' room and asks her to read him a bedtime story. she reads him the story of all time. rocks is... doing..... things??? we never know really what she does.( dont tell anyone, but she was guarding the door) they then wake up and go to eat breakfast.
now, there's one thing you need to know about crab cancer, he's actually an alien!!! i know, right? his species is called the droll. drolls are very sensitive to sugar, and can be intoxicated by them easily, much like humans and drugs. so when they decide to have breakfast, crab cancer is offended by how there are no droll friendly options. there is only cereal... and waffles. rocks makes crab cancer some waffles, to which he tries, and immediately revolts. crab cancer goes asking around for beetles, but no one has seen any. he cries. so hard.
columns and rocks eat their waffles. Columns also tells about how she came to love waffles due to how her mother, Mom Labond, made them for breakfast when she was sober. Crab Cancer drabbles on about droll romance and their four cubes.
They go to school for a bit. Columns tells of her tragic backstory about her being a target of bullying at her school. And then uhhhh.... Oh yeah. Back at the house again, there's a bit more talking. Columns and Crab Cancer go back upstairs and she asks about Moth Virgo. (Not Kanaya Maryam at all) He says she's fine, and Columns says another suspicious thing.
"I quite like her. She's sharp, sensible, has great taste in fashion,"
"And is strangely attracti-"
"Ahem."
Crab Cancer remarks about how she's acting like her brother a bit, Bob Walker. NOT DAVE STRIDER. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU COULD GET THAT IDEA.
=== Episode 2: ===
columns and crab cancer are back at it again, just chilling in The House TM. crab cancer says the name we do not say, and decides to stop talking for a while. he fails at this.
then tim and totally tord appear. Girl Eddsworld is too busy being Girl Eddsworld to show up. tim, totally tord, columns, and the poop master decide to go explore red base, where they find a human testing facility, and a baby. everyone immediately freaks out because, like obviously, a BABY. tim declares that we shoot at it, and everyone agrees, but columns decides to go inside the chamber the baby is in in hopes of figuring out what it is doing there. but oh NO. columns gets turned... INTO THE BABY. everyone FREAKS OUT EVEN MORE!!!!! columns is THE BABY. THE BABY IS HERTHISHASNOTHINGTODOWITHTHEWEBCOMICOF2009THATWEDONOTSPEAKOF. 
Columns then goes off to do some magic to turn herself not into a baby, while tim, totally tord, and the poop master talk about how babies are terrible. how they hate the baby disease. and mpreg and its effect on the society (foreshadowing). 
totally tord starts to be worried of columns' use of black magic, but columns says this feels right, like her from another universe followed this same path. so columns sets out on her wrimgalking saga. usually, you can see her talking to the furthest ring. despite totally tord and poop master trying to convince her that she should not do this. 
so then they go chill in The House TM. 
now, there's one thing you need to know about totally tord, he is sexist. very very sexist. totally tord absolutely abhors women. he does not like a single one. columns is on thin ice. he only tolerates her and views her as a person. this is because as a child he realized he was trans, and all the girls in school bullied him. so now he hates women. yes, totally tord is a TIRM. thanks studf for that word. i mean tim. 
so anyways edd bot walks in. and starts being sexist with totally tord. backtalking women and everything. now as you can imagine, this turns into some pretty heated stuff. 
they become bros really quick, then their bromance starts. they start using the word bro in front of any word they can. they say some pretty sensual stuff that the batterwitch does not catch because of the bro in front of the word. a whole crowd gathers around them just watching. but then, edd bot reveals that he has broancer (cancer) (WE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT EDDSWORLD SO WE DID NOT KNOW THAT EDD ACTUALLY DIED OF CANCER JUST A DISCLAIMER. R.I.P. EDD.) he then dies. 
totally tord is in dismay. he is more than sad. he is brodismayed. he hides his head in his hands and reveals something to the crowd around him... 
"i'm broegnant" everyone gasps. 
the mpreg disease, i know, but totally tord is not worried about that right now. 
he is having this broaby NOW!!! he sits on the brouch and briths the broby. he looks lovingly at the broby, but then realizes something. this baby doesnt look like edd bot... OR himself. then edd bursts through the door screaming, "THAT'S MY BABY!" apparently totally tord stole the baby :000 
a blue haired person that helped totally tord birth the baby realizes that the baby sort of looks like her, then becomes violent. totally tord runs outside, where he is flung into the sun somehow and dies. but he comes back because he's cool like that. 
edd and the blue haired person start bromancing, and then we meet tyler who is british. 
now, there's one thing you need to know about tyler, he can dictate quite a lot of stuff. he called totally tord racist, and totally tord crumbled in dissaray. however, edd decided that totally tord is only racist to brits and turks. too bad for tyler. totally tord was already racist to brits and turks. 
edd, tyler, and totally tord tweak out in the kitchen table for a little bit. then dissapate. 
=== Episode 3: ===
totally tord, tim, and columns are back at it again. edd is also there, and attempts to have totally tord vore him, when totally tord says he is not feeling it, edd tries to vore him instead.
we also have tom, who does tom things. like wanting to rp the end. which we never actually do. we do however, infiltrate his room and chill in the secret place.
for a little bit we also meet the ginger. i think his name was mutt or something?? idk. chilling in The House TM as usual. mutt has terrible internet and keeps poofing out of existence.
=== Other Facts ===
other bootleg characters include:
Jame Pillsbury
Joke French
Jape Barley
Kirk Walker