A Camper, a Compass and a Cannoli/Transcript

This is the transcript for A Camper, a Compass and a Cannoli, which aired on December 2, 2021.
==Transcript==
Okay, Mommy's gonna go to work, so you stay here and be a good boy.
treats.
Okay.
Oh.
What a lovely creature.
Okay, Mommy's got bacon.
Uh-oh.
Hey.
Peter, have you seen my dog? Yes, a beautiful sheepdog reminiscent of Nana from Peter Pan? - That's him.
- Did you know that Peter Pan has been a play, a book, a musical and a film? - Where'd he go? - Not a clue.
And peanut butter! Well, hello there.
Oh.
Come on up.
Oh, look at you.
good dog.
So, you know this Spencer fella? What about him? What do you think of him? I don't think of him at all.
I'm pretty sure he's sweet on you.
Take a number.
I'm just saying, if you can disregard his politics, he's a decent guy.
Maybe.
Do you think he has to take a pill? They all have to take a pill.
And right on cue.
May I join you, ladies? Sure.
What you got there? Who the hell knows? I got to take a pill for everything.
Here you go.
I brought you some-some n What is that? I made a friend.
Well, where'd he come from? I don't know, I don't care, but I'm keeping him.
Ah.
Look at this.
Uh.
Oh.
"Hello, my name is Cannoli.
" Who names a dog Cannoli? So what are you gals up to today? Not much.
We were talking about going over to the Naval base, picking up some sailors.
Sailors, really? You know what a Marine says to a sailor? "Thanks for the ride.
" I take it you were a Marine? Semper fi, baby.
Look at that, I've progressed from a gal to a baby.
I'm sorry.
Did I offend you? Not at all.
I enjoy our little badinage.
Badinage? Is that like tying people up? 'Cause I'm game.
Are you still high from last night? It's hard to tell.
When you're always high, is high still high? Whoa.
Hey, have you guys seen Cannoli wandering around? You brought Cannoli? Oh, I love him.
Where'd you see him last? In my office.
Did you look there? Yes, I did.
Well, either way, you smell great.
What? Hello? Yeah, I think I got your dog.
Oh, thank God.
Who is this? Who is this? And a thank-you would be nice.
Harry, is that you? Maybe.
And I'm still waiting for that thank-you.
I think I found him.
Still waiting.
You do smell nice.
Oh, thank you.
Was that so hard? Come in.
Ugh, I am so sorry.
Not a problem.
- He's wonderful.
- Yeah, yes.
E-Except for the stupid name.
Why is it stupid? Well, you lose a dog, you run out to the street yelling "Cannoli," people are gonna come around looking for dessert.
Okay, I'll get him out of your hair.
He's always welcome here.
Come on, Cannoli.
Cannoli, come.
Okay.
You're being a bad boy, and bad boys treats.
Hey, do you still need the van for your doctor's appointment? - Oh, yes, we do.
- All right, I'll take care of it.
That dog needs a saddle.
I am very disappointed in you.
You have to listen to me, mister.
When I tell you to stay in my office, I don't mean go gallivanting Cannoli? With a cup of coffee? That'd be nice.
You're the one who said you wanted to come into work with me.
But if you keep wandering off, then you're going straight back to doggy day care with all those doodles who don't like you.
Drew? Stay.
Mommy loves you.
Hey.
What's going on? Not much.
Just showing off my new house.
What? What happened to your actual house? I sold it.
For one that gets nine miles to the gallon.
Oh, Drew.
It's gonna be great.
I'm gonna hit the open road, see the country, sleep in parking lots.
#VanLife! Oh, Drew.
I know it seems impulsive, but that's how I roll now.
You know? Life in the fast lane.
Well, not fast, but certainly keeping up with the flow of traffic.
- Oh, Drew.
- Yeah.
First stop, the Grand Tetons.
Oh, wait.
Are you going mountain climbing? Oh, heavens, no.
I'm just gonna park at a lookout point and, you know, look.
#VanLife! Oh, Drew.
What's this doing here? It's Drew's new house.
Oh, Drew.
Gina, we have a serious problem.
Well, I tried.
- I saw a fantastic movie last night.
- Yeah, and I heard the whole damn thing through the wall.
You don't want to start with me.
Oh, yeah, I do.
What was the movie? It was called, uh Oh, wait, I-I just had it.
It's right on the tip of my tongue.
Um it was-it was, um It starred that handsome fellow.
Uh, British, he was in the Civil War movie with what's-her-name, uh F.
Murray Abraham.
He's not British.
He's not? He should be.
And how is he handsome? His talent makes him handsome.
- You mind if I change the subject? - Please.
Me and Bette are going out to dinner tonight.
You're welcome.
For what? Never mind.
Go on.
Well, it's been a while since I dated.
H-Have the rules changed much? You mean since you were young? Well, you no longer have to bring her father a goat.
I get it.
'Cause he's old.
W-What about opening the door for a broad? D-Do they still like that, or is that "offensive"? Uh, opening a door, good, but only Sinatra can call a woman a broad.
And you ain't no Sinatra.
It's a whole new world out there.
You got to treat her like an equal.
Unless she knows kung fu, she's not my equal.
Just be a gentleman and talk as little as possible.
And maybe bring some flowers.
Perhaps memorize a poem that expresses how she makes you feel.
- A poem? - Yes.
- Like a fairy? - Oh, no.
- Spencer.
- What? That's offensive? Fairies are nice.
Daniel Day-Lewis! Got it.
Okay, honest opinion.
Do you prefer the roast beef or the pork loin? How do you keep getting out? Hang on.
He's helping me with the menu.
Okay, I'm surprised, but pork loin it is.
That is how you decide? He will eat anything.
No, no, he spit up the halibut.
Broke my heart, but pushing me to be better.
Come on, buddy.
Um, what are you doing? You said "come on.
" To him.
You guys see that? She said "buddy," and I thought it was me.
You know, this isn't just a decision for you.
I think it is.
Really? After 55 years, I'm not a part of this? - Go away.
- Come on in.
Nothing I say matters.
Excuse me.
Oh, okay.
There's a make-your-own sundae bar in the day room, but you don't care.
Bye.
Oh, Cannoli.
- Come.
- No, leave him.
I-I like it.
Hey, is everything okay with Harry? Don't worry about it.
How'd it go at the doctor? He wanted me to start another round of chemo.
I said no.
Meredith.
Why not? What's it gonna get me? Couple of months? Maybe more.
You never know.
I know.
Every day there's new treatments and Gina, I'm done with all of this.
I just I just want to enjoy the time that I have left.
And I take it Harry doesn't agree.
He wants me to fight.
I got no fight left.
I understand.
No, you don't.
But thank you.
I'll let you rest.
Cannoli, come.
Come, Cannoli.
Squirrel! Leave him.
He's fine.
Are you sure? He makes me feel good.
That I understand.
I don't care what she told the doctor.
We'll be there tomorrow for her treatment.
Uh Why put me on hold? Just write it down.
No, you don't have to check with the doctor.
And I'm on hold.
What are you looking at? You do know you're not the only one in this room? Don't poke the bear.
I'm not afraid of him.
I am.
Let me make this crystal clear.
My wife is not stopping her chemo, capisce? I really don't think we should be hearing this.
If you live in this place long enough, you hear everything.
Did you know that Spencer had two polyps removed during his colonoscopy? Were they benign? One was, one was worrisome.
You mind? I'm on the phone.
Do you mind kissing my derriere? Where are you taking her? Red Lobster.
You think I need a tie? Or is that just gonna get in my melted butter? - You look fine.
- You sure? She has cataracts.
I wouldn't worry about it.
Greetings.
I bring word from the beautiful Bette.
The lady needs a little more time to prepare.
Are you kidding me? We have a reservation.
You can't just move those around during Lobsterfest.
Worst-case, you take her somewhere else.
Good point.
There's a Marie Callender in the same mini-mall.
You are a high-class guy.
Thanks, man.
Hey, have you guys seen Harry? He's in the game room.
And he's a dick.
Hey, can I talk to you for a second? - No.
- You know I'm gonna.
So, I was talking to Meredith.
And I really believe this is her decision to make.
Believe what you want.
And for what it's worth, she's not thinking straight.
Are you sure about that? What good is a little extra time if she's suffering? She's just tired.
She'll change her mind.
- Harry? - Hmm? Do you believe in God? What kind of question is that? - Course I do.
- Then put this in His hands.
You know, when our daughter died I wouldn't have made it without Meredith.
So, if she goes then what's the point of anything? I You've helped her through so much.
Please don't stop now.
I'm done talking.
How is this supposed to help my arthritis? Oh, did I say your arthritis? I meant myarthritis.
Yikes.
Thank you.
No.
I mean, is that maybe a little much? Or not enough? What are you saying? I'm saying you're a natural hottie, you don't need to do all that.
Oh, Spencer.
You don't like the way I look? No.
Yeah.
I-I M-Maybe it's too festive for the Red Lobster.
Great, then you can go alone.
Norma, help me.
What'd I say about talking? As you lie alone in bed tonight, consider this: I'm not wearing any panties.
I like lobster.
Oh, Drew.
It's open.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Did you see I named the van? Yeah.
Yeah, that's what we do, us nomads.
Nomads? - Come on in.
- Okay.
Uh, can I get you anything? Cold drink? Hot drink? - Uh, I'm okay.
- I could roast a chicken.
I don't have any chicken, but if I did, I could.
Oh, maybe next time.
Okay.
So, uh what brings you by? Mm.
I just I wanted to check in with you about us.
What about us? Selling your house, and this van and Vincent.
Right.
Um, are you doing all this 'cause of me? No.
Well, maybe.
It's complicated.
I will admit, I was a little hurt.
But then I realized I was just trying to use you to solve my problems, and that's not fair to either of us.
So Vincent is the solution? Adventure is the solution.
I need to take some chances, live a bigger life, figure out who I am.
Drew, this is crazy.
I know, right? See, you used to be the crazy one, and now it's me.
Hey, maybe your kidney is to blame.
I was pretty normal before the transplant.
It's cute that you think that.
Promise me you'll stay in touch? Promise.
'Cause there's a lot of bad people out there, and you got to be careful.
I'm way ahead of you.
I bought some pepper spray.
It even came in its own little holster.
Drew.
I'll be careful.
Good.
Um I got a a little going-away gift for you.
You didn't have to do that.
Well, I wanted to.
It's a compass.
Yeah.
It's an antique.
So, whether north, south, east or west, it'll always show you your way home.
Well, I was planning on using Google Maps, but this is cool.
Thank you.
Yeah.
All right, bye.
Bye.
Yeah.
This is a good idea.
- Hey.
- Oh.
Sorry.
Didn't mean to wake you.
It's okay.
Looks like I've been replaced, huh? You jealous? A little.
Come here.
There we go Yeah.
Come here.
Okay.
Now, listen No matter what, I'm there for you.
Mm-hmm? I know.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Category:Episode Transcripts
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