I,Killscreen (Transcript)

Penny: Hey, Blkmrkt, can you give me a hand fixing Major Lazer's Lazer?
Blkmrkt: In one second, Penny. I gotta finish picking up the trash.
It doesn't look like you picking up trash. Look like you're dancing. I am! It's a dance called "picking up the trash!" It's a move in this video game, Dance, dance, dance. Cool. Can I try? Sure, just step on the helo-pad. Ready, player one! Sick! Penny, you're a natural! Really? Hell yeah. Hey, there's a big video game tournament this weekend. You should definitely compete. Okay! Maybe we can be teammates? I wish! But I was banned from the video game tournament. Why? They couldn't handle my beast mode. 'Nuff of that video game thing, man! Now, go outside and get some fresh air. But what about your lazer? My lazer can wait. Exercise cannot. Play again! Play again! Play again! Play again! Bumba! That video game's so damn annoying. Play again! Now how the hell you turn this damn thing off? This cannot be! Major Lazer playing video games? What luck! I, Killscreen, lord of the video game, Have been waiting for this moment my entire life! [Cackles] Download. What the... Major Lazer, it's raining! Yeah, man, the fresh air's all wet! It short-circuited my jetpack! Major Lazer? Major Lazer? Come in, General Rubbish! Killscreen? What brings you back from the furthest depths of the gigaverse? I have acquired something that you so desperately want: Major Lazer! He's currently trapped within my game cube. Well done, Killscreen! Bring him to me. Now! I'll do you one better! I will eliminate him for you once and for all at the big video game tournament this weekend with all of Jamaica watching. Now, how much is this going to cost me? One million bitcoins! Deal! [Both laughing] It's not even real money! Yeah, awesome! Go! Go! Do it! Attention, gamers and gamettes, What the... I, Killscreen, invite you to Arcadia, Jamaica's largest functioning arcade, to face off for the grandest of prizes ever: a lifetime supply of Splurt soda. This year, I'm introducing a new level in which you have to kill Major Lazer! That's not a video game character! That's the real Major Lazer! He's trapped inside the video game! Bloody hell, what are we gonna do? Blkmrkt, you have to play in the tournament and save him. I told you, I'm banned. I'm too much of a beast. Penny, you have to do it! But, I'm just a noob. There's no way that I'll win. I've seen you on that helo-pad. You've got the moves, girl. You can do this. Name? Penny Whitewall. Okay. Here's your lanyard and your remote control body suit. Thanks.
Well, well, well, look who it is. My former partner, and my I.R.L. arch-nemesis, Blkmrkt. Wassup, Thor? Don't "sup" me! Hey! This guy shouldn't be here! He's been banned from the game! Shh... Thor, calm down, look, I'm not here to play. I'm just here to support my friend. Friend? [laughs] That's rich. Blkmrkt doesn't have friends. He only has future enemies. What's he talking about, Blkmrkt? Thor: We were teammates in last year's game, before he put in a cheat code and killed me. In fact, he murdered our entire guild just so he alone could be champion. [laughter] Blkmrkt does it again. That's when they banned him. What can I say? I'm a beast. You ruined my second life, you dick! Man, shut up! You don't understand, this isn't just a game anymore! Oh, you're damn right it isn't. It's personal now. I'm winning this year. Security, get this dishonorable dog out of here! Okay, okay, man. Just chill, man, chill. I'm leaving. But Blkmrkt... Don't worry, Penny. I got a plan. I, Killscreen, welcome you to Jamaica's 58th Annual Video Game Tournament of Champions. This year's game of choice will be Dance, dance, dance. May the odds ever be in your favor, and the rhythm be your dancer! Let the video games begin! Three... two... one! Blkmrkt, you there? Yeah, I got you, girl. I see a lot of trash on the ground. You know what to do. Pick it up! You're damn right! [Electronic dance music plays] [Screaming and shouting] [Shouting] And so there were two! Penny: This is it. The final level. You're doing great, Penny! You're a great coach. There he is! You! Come with us! Oh! Wait, wait, wait, wait, what's going on? You were banned from the tournament, pal! You shouldn't be here. Thor, you snitch! Blkmrkt, don't go! I can't do this without you! You got this! You're a beast, too, Penny! Ah! Welcome to the final level of Dance, dance, dance. Your objective: kill Major Lazer. [gasps] Major Lazer! Oh! Ow! Whoo! Try dancing now, dick! Final round! Rats! My lazer! Me never fixed it! Whoo! [Grunting] [Gasps] [Electronic dance music continues] The game ends now! Finish him! [Gasping] Floppy disks! No! My second second life! Come on, Major Lazer, we have to get you out of this game. Quick! To the start screen! Okay, this is it. You're almost out of the game. All you have to do now is jump through. How dare you come into my game and try to challenge my rules! Every game needs a winner. And if you won't kill Major Lazer, then I will! Penny! Oh no! [Gasping] Now for me to beat you, Major Lazer. Major Lazer! To power up your lazer, you just need to play the game. But Major Lazer don't know how to play video games. Just... pick up... the trash. Game over! Major Lazer wins! [Laughing] [Keys clattering] I'll get you, Blkmrkt, you dick!