Buy Or Die! Number Four

Buy Or Die! The Ralph Records Catalog, Number Four is the fourth issue of Ralph Records' mailing list catalog, published in February 1979.
The front cover of the catalog features a promotional image of an accordion-playing Resident from the set of The Residents' unfinished feature film Vileness Fats. The back cover features an artwork by Savage Pencil; a 1978 comic by the same artist is featured on the third page of the catalog.
The below text has been transcribed to this wiki by a Mysterious Spanish Lady from a copy of the catalog supplied by fan Steve Foster. The Mysterious Spanish Ladies wish to thank Steve for his continued support of the wiki.
== The catalog ==
Note: Some format changes have been made (image positioning, additional headings, etc.) to create an easily readable version of this catalog within the limitations of this wiki. Such changes have been made as infrequently as possible to present the closest possible representation of the text as it originally appeared. Typographical errors featured in the original text have not been corrected.
Hi there., As hard as it is to believe, here we are at catalog number four for year number 1,979. Many of you out there have been with us for a long time, and you're probably used to us releasing something new in February. This year looks like it is going to be a little different (if you followed the escapades of last fall, then you understand). However, there are a couple of left-overs from last year that you may not have picked up (NOT AVAILABLE & DUCK/BUSTER). And besides that, ESKIMO is definitely on for '79. The Residents are eagerly at work on a new LP project already and are expecting to be logging session time on a SNAKEFINGER LP before summer. So the future looks bright for all the Residents appreciators out there.
For those of you just now discovering our wierdo ranks, you can look forward to hours of new musical directions at the mercy of those innovative Residents.
Old or new, we look forward to filling your orders just as quickly as we can. But we would like to make a small request.
We are trying to get stores and distributors to carry Ralph Records so that more people can be reached. So before ordering, or actually anytime, go down to your favorite record store and ask if they have the record. In fact, you can demand that they carry the records if you are inclined to that kind of personality. The point is to create a demand, without which stores won't even consider carrying the record.
We do greatly appreciate your interest in Ralph Records and in particular, The Residents. We hope you enjoy the music as much as we enjoy making it available.
RALPH RECORDS
;Is Obscurity Itself
:The Test Tube Of Tomorrow,
;Or Is Just The Testing Done
:To Pave The Way For Sorrow?
;Is The Chalice Set Upon The Table
:For The Pride Of Primadonnas,
;Or Can Indeed The World Be Freed
:By Finger-Popping Mommas?
;Is The Confusion Of Immorality Little More
:Than A Doubt On The Face Of Infinity,
;Or Does Indeed Immorality Breed Upon Itself
:And Hence Hasten To Speed Its Own
:Immortal Conclusion?
;Is The Sin Of Melting Tin
:Upon The Tracks Of Time
;The Mere Excuse For Letting Loose
:The Calling Card Of Crime,
;Or Is This Verbose Verbosity
:That Very Violation?
;THE RESIDENTS
©1978, The Cryptic Corp.
=== Rock 'n Roll Zoo by SAVAGE PENCIL as seen in SOUNDS (UK) May 27, 1978 ===
:BUY OR DIE no. 4 replaces all previous RALPH catalogs.
:Prices Subject to Change without Notice.
:COVER PHOTO from VILENESS FATS.
:Thanks to Savage Pencil for back cover drawing.
=== Life Goes On Strangely ===
WEST COAST - THE THIRD REICH N ROLL Promo Film, after successful showings in Australia, Europe, and the good ole US, has settled into weekly midnight runs at three West Coast movie palaces (LA, San Fran., Seattle). The main feature at all three theaters is, predictably, ERASERHEAD. Movie fans out there will also be pleased to learn that an half-hour segment of the original Residents film VILENESS FATS is being cut together after the editing of six hours of video tape masters. The Residents have agreed to score an all new soundtrack if they like the way the edited version looks.
EL RALPHO STUDIO - THE RESIDENTS returned from their holiday excursion to find workmen in the studio where THE RESIDENTS spend much of their time. The men were installing a new expanded mixing console and multi-track recorder. A giant ribbon and bow which was tied around the still crated equipment read, "Happy Holidays from The Cryptic Corp." The Cryptic Corp. later noted that the gift was actually "usage" and not the equipment itself.
N. HOLLYWOOD, CA. - You may have thought you would never see the day, but here it is. W.E.I.R.D., (the official Residents fan club) has been formally organized. If you are perverse persuasion send $5.00 USA ($7.00 Foreign) to W.E.I.R.D., P.O. Box [redacted], N. Hollywood, CA. 91607. Additional info available just by dropping them a line. Tell 'em Ralph sent you.
CRYPTIC CORP - The Residents have mentioned to The Cryptic Corporation that they are becoming interested in the possibility of a LIVE TOUR in 1980. How feasible such a project is in terms of time and money is yet to be seen. The Cryptic Corp. has started contacting European promoters seeking possible interest.
===SOME CHICKENS!===
When ESKIMO had run into one of its many problems back in late 1977, The Residents saw that the planned release date was impossible. They agreed to release two new EP discs - one for Spring and one for Fall - in order to work more on ESKIMO. So DUCK STAB was introduced in February of '78, with a second EP, BUSTER AND GLEN, recorded that same Spring for a November release.
As it turned out, the handling and manufacture of the DUCK STAB EP proved that EP's are too awkward and expensive for marketing efficiency. Therefore, the two EP's are now Siamese twins, forever locked in a 12 inch format. DUCK STAB/BUSTER & GLEN became the Residents' record with the most jive, snazz, and airplay. 
====DUCK STAB====
:"...brilliant."
:TROUSER PRESS
:"...dazzling, divergent musical approaches... clever, very clever..."
:NME (UK)
$5.00
===NOW IT CAN BE SOLD!===
$5.00
Few records in the history of the avant garde have stirred up as much curiosity as The Residents NOT AVAILABLE which was recorded in 1974, but never released to the public. The album, which floats in one of the most profuse production jobs ever heard, is rumored to have been recorded during a period of personal conflict within the group. Regardless of the motivation, NOT AVAILABLE emerges as an LP of dramatic depth and imagery.
:"...an eerie tension that is overwhelming... a musical stream of consciousness..."
:THE WASHINGTON POST
:"...guaranteed to kill Phil Spector in his sleep."
:TROUSER PRESS
===Eskimo===
ESKIMO, The Residents sixth LP represents their most challenging musical concepts to date. The album evokes an ageless Eskimo culture primitively struggling to exsist in a cold and unforgiving reality. The various tracks on the disc are in the form of stories since spoken legends and adventures are a basic element of Eskimo life. The tales are told by the sounds of the Eskimos, their music, and their environment. There is no narration, although the narratives are printed on the jacket to encourage the listener to project himself into this cold barren world of whiteness.
Ignoring the stories, the album is a moody piece of highly abstract music punctuated by primitive rhythms and vocals. Without doubt, ESKIMO is one of the stranest, most original concepts available on record today.
AT THE TIME OF THIS WRITING, ESKIMO HAS NOT BEEN RELEASED. PLEASE CHECK YOUR ENCLOSED ORDER FORM TO SEE IF IT IS CURRENTLY AVAILABLE.
===Meet The Residents===
MEET THE RESIDENTS, being The Residents first LP, is probably the strangest intentionally composed record in existence. Sounds Magazine from England said of MTR, "A true synthetic aesthetic/media mock. On first hearing, it's incomprehensible - so alien - but 'let the strangeness wear off through a couple of plays - soon you too will whistle the merry tunes...'" One Dollar Magazine puts it more bluntly. "And if Meet the Beatles started it all, Meet The Residents ends it." What more can we say?
===The Third Reich 'n Roll===
:"...one unqualified masterpiece, the outrageously iconoclastic 'THIRD REICH AND ROLL'."
:SOUNDS (UK)
THE THIRD REICH N ROLL was undertaken as an intellectual concept of treating 60's top-40 songs as though they were Avant Garde. The result is that this record has the rare ability to be familiar while never sounding like anything one has heard before. The music reeks with abandoned humor which makes one smile, but not necessarily feel good, suggesting a delicate balance between a love of top-40 pop, and a genuine hate of the culture which embraced it. Rarely do The Residents' versions cynically mock the originals, but rather reinforce the naively simplistic attitude which is the absolute foundation of early rock and roll.
===Fingerprince===
:"...FINGERPRINCE is a masterpiece."
:PACIFIC SUN
FINGERPRINCE is The Residents fourth album. Side one is a series of eight individual cuts which share a moody, reflective quality. The more suggestive 'pop' format of this side then gives way to a percussive ballet piece entitled "Six Things to a Cycle" on side two. This piece, which the PRAIRIE SUN called"...hauntingly primitive..." offers The Residents in a more 'classically serious' role, that of writing for dance theater.
The combined effect of the two radically different sides gives us a large cross-section of The Residents' musical design, and therefore and interesting glance at their thought patterns.
$5.00
===SNAKEFINGER!===
:THE SPOT b/w SMELLY TONGUES 45 rpm blue vinyl (limited to stock on hand)
:Produced by The Residents
$2.00
Snakefinger has been friends with The Residents for eight or nine years now, having played with them years before the recording of their first album, MEET THE RESIDENTS. Like many artists in the music business, Snakefinger played it straight most of the time, really letting his eccentric guitar style loose only on the Residents records.
And although he and his English band (Chilli Willi and the Red Hot Peppers) attained much respect, Snakefinger grew weary of the "making it" rat race, and eventually settled in semi-retirement in Los Angeles.
But one day last year while recording DUCK STAB with the Residents, he started pounding out a riff absentmindedly. The Residents collective heads were turned and by the end of the day THE SPOT was recorded. After much persuasion, Snakefinger agreed to allow its release and it immediately went to #1 on SOUNDS (UK) New Wave Chart.
This year Snakefinger reenters the studio to work on his own album. The result should be a pop record nestled somewhere between the extremism of the Residents and stylized rockers like Roxie Music and DEVO, but no one really knows until the album is recorded. Definitely something to watch for.
:"A quirky, delirious and diseased song... a sure fire hit."
:SOUNDS (UK)
===Satisfaction===
:"...the year's most astute record.'
:CREEM
:THE RESIDENTS SATISFACTION b/w LOSER WEED 45 rpm yellow vinyl (limited to stock on hand)
:Produced by The Residents
The residents released their SATISFACTION in 1976. It was immediately acclaimed as the most extreme and intense record ever recorded, a pre-punk masterpiece. The demand has since grown for this record to the point where people can no longer be denied the painful pleasure of hearing and owning this startling record, which Andy Gill of NEW MUSICAL EXPRESS called, "...probably my favorite 45 of all time.", and Jim Green of TROUSER PRESS flatly stated, "...the most determinedly repellent music I've ever heard...".
Obviously not a record for the faint hearted. So the question remains. Are you too yellow today for a record that was recorded two years ago? Hmmm?
$2.00
===T-SHIRTS===
:SIZES: XS, M, L, XL
:Failure to specify a shirt size will result in us sending an "M".
:American shirts run a little larger than European.
* MEET THE RESIDENTS
* DUCK STAB*
* BUY OR DIE
* PINK CHICKEN
* ESKIMO
* SANTA DOG
$5.00 ea.
SANTA DOG DOGGIE T-SHIRT
Dog Weight in Lbs.	Size
8 	S
9-13 	M
14-19 	L
20-25 	XL
26-35 	XXL
36-55 	XXXL
assorted pastel colors.
:*no extra small - stock limited
===More press===
:"...ultra weird... otherworldly methods of musical composition..."
:CIRCUS MAGAZINE
:"...an amazing phenomenon... their anti-pop vision has few rivals in the history of rock."
:TROUSER PRESS
:"America's strangest band..."
:ROCK SCENE
:"...a fascinating combination of... early Mothers of Invention with 70's technological esoteria."
:RECORD WORLD
:"Devotees of pop weirdness... might well rejoice at discovering The Residents."
:THE VILLAGE VOICE
:"...structurings of sounds that are... staggering in their imagination and innovation."
:THE WASHINGTON POST
:"...the most unique music of the decade."
:BLITZ
:"You can't describe The Residents music, you can only experience it."
:RAM (Australia)
:"A totally unique outfit who are fast gaining massive cult status."
:MELODY MAKER (UK)
:"The Residents plot the overthrow of the old musical order."
:OUI
===Ordering information and related trash===
Well, here is where you get to figure out how to order things from this catalog. First off, look for an ordering form stuck somewhere in this catalog. If you found it, then don't bother reading this. Just use the form. But, alas, if you can't find a form, then follow these simple instructions:
;REMEMBER... No C.O.D.'s
:Allow 6 weeks delivery on foreign surface orders.
:Records broken in transit will be replaced.
:Don't forget to include T-Shirt size, if applicable.
:1. Write down the name, price and how many of each record or T-Shirt you want.
:2. Add up the money. This is your sub-total.
:3. Decide where you live... A or B (see below).
::A. I live in the good ole US of A - Add one buck for postage and handling.
::B. I live in a foreign, but exotic country - Add $1.50 if you want the stuff sent airmail, or $0.50 for surface. Now that pays for the packaging, but you still have to pay the cost of shipping the records. You have to get that cost from your local postal service based on the weights of what you order. LP's weigh 9 ounces, 45's weigh 3 ounces, and T-Shirts weigh 5 ounces.
:4. Mail your order and money in US dollars (International Money Order on foreign orders) plus your clearly printed name and address to:
::RALPH RECORDS
::444 Grove Street
::San Francisco, CA 94102
===The Residents at Niagara Falls===
===Back cover (featuring art by Savage Pencil)===
==See also==
*Buy Or Die!
*W.E.I.R.D.
*Eskimo
==Resources==
* Buy Or Die! Number Four (PDF file, 4.04 MB)
Category:Reference texts
Category:Buy Or Die!
Category:Catalogs