All Shark No Bite Family/Transcript

== McGee Residence ==
Okay, the kids ate dinner.
There's a veggie tray in the fridge
if they need reinforcements.
The Chens are on standby, just in case of emergency.
Mom, Dad, chill.
You're gonna be gone, what? Three hours?
Yeah. Go enjoy your date night, you crazy kids.
I will hold down the fort here,
because Molly McGee is an A-plus-plus babysitter,
and I got the Wilder Scout badge to prove it.
It's true! She's great!
It's not that we don't trust you, it's just...
you two tend to get into shenanigans
- when you're on your own. - (scoffs)
Shenanigans? That not gonna happen... again.
We're just gonna have a relaxing evening at home.
Did you say "relaxing"?
Because I bought this expensive kit online
and have been saving it for a spa night.
So, go. Out, you two.
Shoo. The sooner you're gone,
the sooner we can break out my new jade roller.
So cold, so refreshing.
- (car doors closes) - MOLLY: They're in the car.
(car engine starts)
We have ignition.
And they're away!
Uh, what is going on here?
Shenanigans.
Tonight, we are watching
the most terrifying horror movie ever made.
MOLLY: Fins of Fear.
BOTH: "If you see the fin, you're fin-ished."
It's about a petty, vindictive ghost shark
who continues his killing spree from beyond the grave.
A horror movie?
Pete and Sharon let you watch those all the time.
Oh, but never anything like this.
It's rated T for "traumatizing."
But... but relaxing evening.
I already broke the seal on the relaxation station.
Come on, we can have a spa night any old time.
Mom and Dad are gone.
We got to seize this rare opportunity.
Whoa. Physical media?
You heard of this new thing out called "streaming"?
Too risky. They can track our viewing history.
We got to keep this watch...
off the record.
But we don't even have a DVD player.
Fine. But I'm watching with a face mask on,
and no one can stop me.
(chilling music stinger)
(foreboding music playing)
FISHERMAN (on TV): You've eaten every landlubber, Ghost Shark.
But I'll not go down without a fight.
(roars)
- You're so petty and vindictive! - (jaws snap, bones crunch)
- (shark roars) - (all scream)
That was...
a lot.
Why does a Ghost Shark feel so much scarier
than a regular shark?
Because Ghost Shark doesn't play by normal shark rules.
It could appear anywhere anytime. (gasps)
(whispers) Even on land.
(ominous music stinger)
Guys, Ghost Shark's not even real.
(blows raspberries) How do you know?
Hello? Chairman of the Ghost World here.
I'm pretty sure if there were a Ghost Shark,
I would have heard of it before.
Look, I'll prove it to you.
(clears throat)
(in distorted tone) By the power of the Chairman
of the Ghost World...
(in normal tone) ...AKA, moi,
(in distorted tone) ...Ghost Shark, I summon thee!
Reveal yourself,
and our house shall be your sea!
(both gasp)
(in normal tone) Uh, anybody see a Ghost Shark? No?
Well... I guess that proves it. (laughs)
Can't believe we got so worked up over a movie.
Now, what say we hit that veggie tray?
Pretty sure there are some cucumbers.
I'll need two for my eyes and ten for my tummy.
(foreboding music stinger)
Ah!
Cool as a cucumber.
(laughs)
Word play.
(foreboding music stinger)
- (screams, cries) - What? What is it? What happened?
Ah! A Ghost Shark!
- (all scream) - You guys, uh...
You don't think that has anything to do with me, do you?
Yes, Scratch!
You summoned him with your Chairman powers!
But I... You know, I didn't know anything would happen!
I was just doing a bit.
Clearly, you don't understand what a bit is,
do you, Ghost Shark?
Can't you unsummon it?
Unsummon him?
I like to rhyme when I use my Chairman powers, okay?
There's no way I could think of a word
that rhymes with "unsummon"
under these stressful conditions!
(creaking)
We're gonna need a boat.
(in pirate voice) All right, as long as you're me crew,
you needn't worry about the beast that lurks beneath.
We be safe as long as we be in the boat.
Scratch, I love you,
but can you please stop talking like a grizzled old sea captain?
Yeah, it's freaking me out more.
Also, you're not that good at it.
A mutiny!
To the brig with the both o' ye, arr.
(in normal voice) Okay, it's giving me a headache. I'm done.
(groaning)
(gasps) Ghost Shark! Off the port side!
Which way is port?
Well, port is very simple, you see.
"Port" is the same number of letters as "left."
Or, also, you can think about it, because "port" ends with a T.
So does "left." So, what Darryl was saying
was it's off to the left.
(Ghost Shark growling)
Wait, wait. We're in the boat.
As long as we're in the boat, we're safe.
- Right, Scratch? - Uh...
The shark can get us in the boat!
(all scream)
Ah! I don't love how he's looking at me!
(roars)
No!
(yells)
He bit my cutie bit! My signature look!
You two just had to watch a scary movie,
and now we're all gonna get eaten alive.
Or in my case, eaten dead.
- Which sounds much worse! - Don't blame us!
You're the one who summoned the Ghost Shark!
(yelps)
(roars)
Ah! Upstairs!
Ghost Sharks can't swim upstairs.
(both grunting)
Really not gonna help paddle at all, huh?
I'm captaining.
Abandon ship!
Ghosts before women and children!
(foreboding music playing)
You can't get us all the way up here, now can you?
SCRATCH: In your face, you oversized goldfish.
(all cheer)
- We did it! - We're safe!
(laughs)
(in taunting tone) "I'm a shark,
but I'm too dumb to go up the stairs."
Uh, Scratch?
- SCRATCH (in normal tone): Yeah? - Remember when that fisherman
called the Ghost Shark names?
It only made the Ghost Shark ten times madder.
So? It's not like it can swim upstairs.
Oh, no! What if it can swim upstairs?
- Ooh. - Run for your lives!
♪ Have you heard the tale of the crew McGee? ♪
♪ Stranded adrift on the hardwood seas ♪
♪ And the ghostly shark from which they flee ♪
ALL: ♪ A battle with the beast ♪
(powerful grunt)
FISHERMAN: ♪ The calming chum of the waters red ♪
♪ The monster filled their hearts with dread ♪
♪ And the captain hid beneath the bed ♪
♪ A pathetic coward, he ♪
- Hey! - ♪ In the battle ♪
♪ Oh, the battle, in the battle with the beast ♪
- (screams) - ♪ To each other they're beloved ♪
♪ But to him, they're just a feast ♪
♪ And the odds look pretty good ♪
♪ That one or two will die at least ♪
♪ In their battle with their battle with the beast ♪
♪ Battle with the beast ♪
(powerful grunt)
♪ From the starboard side, they can see him clear ♪
♪ So they lunge harpoons but they just don't spear ♪
- Uh-oh. - ♪ There goes all his skiing gear ♪
Guess I'll have to rent this year. (yelps)
♪ Escaping the upstairs hall ♪
♪ They hoist and climb up a ladder tall ♪
He can't climb ladders, right? He'll fall.
Well, at this point, I don't think we can rule it out.
♪ In the battle, oh, the battle ♪
♪ In the battle with the beast ♪
♪ Turns out sharks are way more deadly ♪
♪ When they become deceased ♪
♪ And its unicorn-shaped pillows ♪
♪ Versus rows of razor teeth ♪
ALL: ♪ In their battle with their battle with the beast ♪
♪ Battle with the beast ♪
(roars)
Uh, really sorry. It's you or me. I'm really sorry! Mwah.
I'll never forget you, Mr. Whiskers.
Come on, we're slowing him down.
Twinklespot. I'll never forgive myself for this.
(in lower tone) "I'll never forgive you either."
(in normal tone) That's fair.
(snarls)
(gasps) We're out of stuffies.
- I guess that means... - This is the end.
(roars)
I'm too young to die again!
(sobs)
I mean, after all those stuffies,
the Ghost Shark's got to be full.
(belches)
Twinklespot! You're okay.
MOLLY (in lower tone): "I forgive you. But I will never forget."
(in normal tone) Wait a minute,
as soon as you said Ghost Shark was full,
it tossed back Twinklespot.
Are you controlling Ghost Shark?
Yeah, because I control Ghost Shark. Cuckoo!
Oh, my corn, Scratch. You didn't summon Ghost Shark
with your Chairman powers.
You created him!
SCRATCH: The shark can't get us in the boat!
What if it can swim upstairs?
He can't climb ladders, right?
I don't think we can rule it out.
Try saying the shark does something else, Scratch.
Okay. Uh, maybe the Ghost Shark wants to do some... flips?
(growls)
Ooh.
Maybe it does the tango.
(tango music playing)
I am controlling him!
Uh, maybe the Ghost Shark is a really sweet, ectoplasmic sea buddy
who doesn't want to eat us.
ALL: Aw!
Who's a good little terror-inducing beast?
Who's that? Well, you are.
- Yes, you are, you little... - (giggling)
I can't believe how worked up we all got.
You see, sharks have been misrepresented in media
for the last half a century.
In reality, they're an important and valued member
of the ocean ecosystem,
and we should not paint them as some all-powerful villain.
Who are you talking to?
Oh, you know. The people.
(chuckling) Okay. Whoo!
Anyway, I've got the perfect idea
for what we should do for the rest of the night.
Now this is relaxing.
SHARON: Kids, we're home.
How'd it go?
Great. Nothing to report here.
No tears. Everyone's in one piece.
Good job.
Are we not gonna ask about the Ghost Shark?
Nope.
Category:Family Transcripts