Coop, Where's My Guy?/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "Coop, Where's My Guy?".
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(Poppy moves some grass out of the way and a fake Guy Diamond appears.)
Poppy: Target approaching in 3, 2, 1. (She and some Trolls jump out.)
All: SURPRISE! (More Trolls come out of hiding and cheer.)
Poppy: Decent dry run, gang, but when Guy Diamond actually arrives, I want perfect timing. I’m talking to you, Branch! (A mushroom explodes, sending Branch flying.)
Branch: Surprise!
Poppy: Back to one, people. Take 32! (The Trolls go back to their hiding places.)
Branch: Another take? Poppy, I almost irreversibly contorted my spine.
Poppy: Well, your drama bone seems to be intact. (Branch sighs.) Come on. Don’t you wanna nail Guy Diamond’s surprise? (She turns a crank and a table goes under the ground.)
Branch: Normally I’d say sure. After all, it is Guy’s birthday. But it’s not Guy’s birthday!
Poppy: (A surprise party on his birthday? That’s exactly what he’d expect. (She looks at a chick.) Thanks, Frank. (The chick chirps and walks away.) To truly catch a Troll off guard, you gotta pick a random day, noob. Amateur hour.
Branch: Fine. I’ll use Poppy logic. If we keep yelling “surprise”, Guy’s gonna figure out what’s going on. Ha!
Poppy: Oh, no, you’re right. Except I already enlisted Cooper to keep Guy away until party time. Ha-ha! (She pulls a curtain closed with some Trolls holding props.)
Branch: Cooper? Yeesh! Are you sure he’s the man for the job? I mean, he can be kind of absent-minded. (We go to the first flashback where he, Cooper, and Harper are drinking punch in different colored cups.)
Past Cooper: Ooh, I love punch! (His watch chimes and he spills his punch onto Branch. We go to another flashback in Branch’s bunker. He is with Branch and a magenta female Troll.) Ooh, I love your priceless family heirlooms! (His watch chimes and he knocks over the glass Trolls. We go to the last flashback where he and Branch are climbing a rope on a cliff.) Ooh, I love saving the day! (His watch chimes.)
Past Branch: No! No! No! No! (Cooper lets go of the rope and he and Branch fall down screaming. We then go back to the present.)
Poppy: Yeah, I know, but sometimes there’s a method to his madness. (We go to the past again where she and Biggie are backing up from Growl Beasts.)
Past Poppy: Oh, man. I don’t know how we’re gonna get out of this one! (Branch and Cooper land on the Growl Beasts.)
Past Cooper: Just like I planned it! (We go back to the present again.)
Branch: I still say that was dumb luck.
Poppy: Trust me, Branch. I’ve seen Cooper do some amazing things. He’s definitely up to the task.
Cooper: Aw, thanks, Poppy. I am up to the task. Also, what task?
Poppy: Cooper! You’re supposed to be keeping Guy occupied.
Cooper: Oh, that task. I remember now.
Branch: So, where is he?
Cooper: That I do not remember. I must have lost him in Troll Forest.
Poppy: No!
Branch: Oh, no.
Cooper: It’s OK. I gave him these Flare Flowers to signal me if we got separated. (He picks up a Flare Flower and it shoots up into the air.) But since I just handed them to you, I’m pretty sure I forgot to give them to Guy. (chuckles) I swear I’d forget my head if it wasn’t attached to my butt! (He screams and touches around his body.) Oh! (He touches his head and sighs in relief.)
Branch: Oh, he’ll be surprise you all right.
Poppy: Cooper, Guy is lost in the woods, and his party is in two hours, so try to fucus, OK?
Cooper: Don’t worry. I’ll find him with the Cooper Method. Follow me. (He runs off.)
Poppy: See, he’s got a method. (Soon, she and Branch meet up with Cooper by a hole.)
Cooper: Whenever I lose something, which is often, I start from the beginning and retrace my steps. Now, where did I start? (He looks in the hole and something punches him in the face.) A-ha! No, that’s not it.
Branch: FYI, I could use my tracking skills to find Guy. It might by more efficient.
Cooper: (Popping out of a bush) A-ha!
Poppy: No. I believe in Cooper. He will figure it out.
Cooper: Yeah, Branch. He will figure it out. (He gasps and jumps out of the bush.) I remember. We started here. And then we went… (Poppy gasps and she and Branch follow Cooper.) … right here! (He stops at a tunnel.) We stopped here, and we went in this tunnel! (He moves the vines and the tunnel reveals a bright light.) Whoa! Sorry, no, this tunnel. (He goes to the other tunnel and a terrible smell comes from it. Branch covers his mouth and Poppy pinches her nose.)
Poppy: Stench Bugs? Cooper, we can’t.
Cooper: Sorry. The Cooper Method requires we do exactly as I did. Otherwise, we’ll never find Guy in time for… For, um…
Poppy and Branch: The party!
Cooper: That’s it! (He runs into the tunnel.) Troll-onimoooooo!
Poppy: I believe in him. I believe in him. Oh, man, I’m going in! (She runs after Cooper.)
Branch: Well, I’m not!
Poppy: Yes, you are! (She grabs Branch with her hair. They screams as they go down a slide in the tunnel while Cooper is having fun.)
Cooper: Woooooo-hoooooo! Then we excited the tunnel and plunged 10,000 feet. (He, Poppy, and Branch reach a hill, fly in the air, and fall to the ground. He is then seen holding a baby Puffalo.) Then we delivered a baby Puffalo. After which, we delivered 15 more. (He throw smore baby Puffaloes to Poppy and Branch in a pile.)
Branch: (As he and Poppy pop out) I got one! (Soon, he, Poppy, and Cooper are in a dark place.)
Cooper: Then we entered a dark place, so I turned on a light! (He turns on a glowstick, revealing many Grossums. Poppy and Branch scream in terror twice.) And then… (The leader of the Grossums roars and jumps in front of Cooper.) … the leader of the Grossums challenged me… to a dance battle! (The leader starts dancing in circles and points at Cooper, who starts dancing.)
Poppy and Branch: Huh?
Cooper: Which turned out to be their way of distracting us from a sneak attack. (The Grossums charge at Poppy and Branch and they scream and run away. Later, they are in a place with webs. Cooper is holding cards.)
Poppy: Cooper, are you sure this is leading us to Guy?
Cooper: Uh-huh. See, next I played an amazing hand and won the big game against a bunch of sore losers. (A trio of Tarantacapuffs growls and chases after Poppy, Branch, and Cooper.) It’s OK. I remember how we got away. By running into a random, swirling vortex. (A wormhole appears.)
Poppy and Branch: What? (They jump into the wormhole. Poppy and Branch scream while Cooper laughs. They soon start to laugh. Then they land on the ground.)
Cooper: And that’s when Guy said…
Branch: We’re back where we started!
Cooper: Exactly! Wait, were you there, too?
Poppy: Urgh.
Branch: (Getting up) That’s it. We’re getting nowhere. Poppy, the party’s in 20 minutes. Let me at least try to track him.
Poppy: Oh, I don’t know. Cooper, it does feels like we’re not getting any closer to finding-
Cooper: (gasps) I remember. Guy is over there. (He points to Guy Diamond by a rock. Poppy screams excitedly.)
Poppy: Ha! Told you he’d do it, Branch. (She, Branch, and Cooper start running.) Yes, it was the most roundabout way possible, but he found Guy! Guy? (She knocks on the fake Guy Diamond.) What?!
Cooper: (gasps) Guy turned into a rock! Oh, wait, no. We painted self-portraits here. (Poppy grunts angrily.) And after painting, we played three rounds of “Troll, Troll, Bergen.” (He walks around in circles.) Troll. Troll. Troll. Bergen! (He laughs and runs around.) You’ll never get me!
Branch: Face it, Poppy. The Cooper Method is getting us nowhere. It’s time for the Branch Method.
Poppy: (sighs) OK. (Branch starts sniffing.)
Branch: I’m getting notes of buttery popcorn, bubble gum, and just a hint of barnyard funk. AKA, a glitter fart. Guy Diamond is that way! (Poppy follows him, but Cooper stops her.)
Cooper: No, wait. Don’t go that way. (gasps) I just remembered. Guy and I did that, but we turned back when we saw vampires. No, no, no, no, no… Flowers! Well, it was something bad. (chuckles)
Branch: This way.
Poppy: (sighs) It’s OK, Cooper. You stay here. I’ve gotta follow Branch. (She starts to leave.)
Cooper: No, Poppy! You gotta believe me! Poppy! (Poppy ignores him.) Poppy! POPPY! POPPY! (Deep in the forest, Poppy and Branch are searching for Guy Diamond.)
Poppy: Branch, shouldn’t we have found Guy by now?
Branch: I don’t know. His scent vanished like a fart in the wind, which I guess is exactly what happened. (Suddenly, a Vampire Flower appears and hisses at him and Poppy. They scream and try to run away, but another Vampire Flower appears. They run in the opposite direction.)
Poppy: Cooper was right! He did run into vampires and flowers! (She and Branch encounter more Vampire Flowers coming out of their coffins.)
Vampire Flower #1: We vant to photosynthesise your blood! (A Vampire Flower is seen playing an organ.)
Vampire Flower #2: Always with the organ. (The Vampire Flowers walk toward Poppy and Branch.)
Poppy: Argh. Why didn’t I listen to Cooper? I should have trusted him. (She steps on a rock, causing her and Branch to fall. They see more Flare Flowers.)
Branch: (gasps) Flares! (He fires a Flare Flower at a Vampire Flower.)
Poppy: It did not like that light! (The Vampire Flowers get ready to attack her and Branch.)
Branch: (Picking up the rest of the Flare Flowers) Run! (One of the Vampire Flowers starts playing some drums. Branch uses the rest of the Flare Flowers to fire at the rest of the Vampire Flowers.) This is my last one.
Cooper: (In Poppy’s mind) I gave him these Flare Flowers to signal me if we got separated.
Poppy: Wait! (She causes Branch to send a Flare Flower up into the air.)
Branch: What are you doing?!
Poppy: What I never should have stopped doing: believing in Cooper.
Vampire Flower #3: That was pretty dumb. (He and the rest of the Vampire Flowers laugh. The Flare Flower explodes in the air, revealing a shiny arrow pointing down. Just as the Vampire Flowers are about to attack Poppy and Branch, Cooper is heard.)
Cooper: Troll-onimo! (He appears swinging on a vine and attacks the Vampire Flowers.)
Branch: Cooper?! He came!
Poppy: I knew he would. (Cooper jumps off the vine.)
Cooper: I saw your flare, figured you could use a hand or a dance party! (He takes out a glowstick and the Vampire Flowers cover themselves with their wings and back up.) OK. (The Vampire Flowers go back into their coffins. The last one plays the organ and disappears.)
Poppy: Thanks for saving us, Coop. Now if only we could find Guy.
Cooper: (laughs) I did find him after you left. He’s right over here.
Poppy; Where?
Guy Diamond: Hey, Poppy. Guess what? (All the Trolls pop out.)
All: SURPRISE!
Poppy: A surprise party? For me?
Guy Diamond: That’s right. Cooper got you good. (Poppy gasps and Cooper laughs.)
Poppy: This whole day was just your way of keeping me occupied?
Cooper: Yep, I played you the entire time. (Poppy and Branch’s hair move like an explosion.) Now, let all that sink in while I get this party started. (DJ Suki plays music and the Trolls throw Cooper into the air and carry him as he cheers and laughs.) Oh, the Cooper Method. (He lands on the stage and dances with Guy Diamond. Poppy and Branch join in the dancing.)
Poppy; See, Cooper can really surprise you sometimes.
Branch: Yeah. I guess he’s not so absentminded after all.
Cooper: (Appearing with a bowl of punch) I’ll drink to that. (His watch chimes and he spills the punch on Branch.) Uh-oh. (He and Poppy giggle. He then winks at the screen and the episode ends.)
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