Transcripts/Rarity Investigates!

:Rarity: Oh, Sassy Saddles, don't you just love my new Femme Mystique Chic line of gowns?
:Sassy Saddles: [gasps] Sequins and sashes, Rarity, they're exquisite! Where in Equestria did you find the inspiration?
:Rarity: Oh, I modeled them after the adventures of Shadow Spade. Her stories are always full of mystery and suspense and, best of all... fabulous costumes!
:Sassy Saddles: They're perfect! [beat] What are you doing?
:Rarity: [humming] Oh, uh, just making some minor adjustments. [blows on dress] Shadow Spade believes it all comes down to attention to detail. And so do I. There! Now it's perfect.
:[door slams open]
:Rainbow Dash: Hey guys, how's it—
:[crash]
:Rarity and Sassy Saddles: [distressed squealing]
:Rainbow Dash: [nervous laughing] My bad.
:
:Rainbow Dash: [groans] Sorry I messed up your dress thingy.
:Sassy Saddles: Nothing we can't fix in a stitch. What are you doing in Canterlot?
:Rainbow Dash: I'm here for Princess Celestia's royal garden opening tomorrow.
:Sassy Saddles: Oh, yes! Rumor has it the gardens are especially lush this season. I heard that the Wonderbolts will be kicking things off with an aerial display.
:Rarity: You heard right. And Rainbow Dash is here to fly with them. So exciting!
:Rainbow Dash: Well, kind of exciting. Technically, I'm not flying. I'm just the lucky Reserve who was called in to be the backup flyer in case a Wonderbolt can't perform.
:Rarity: Oh, don't be so modest. Out of all the Reserves, you were the one chosen.
:Rainbow Dash: It is pretty sweet. And I do get to stay in the castle, hang out with the Wonderbolts, and eat awesome food at the dinner tonight. Speaking of the dinner, you're still coming, right?
:Rarity: Heavens, yes! A chance to dress up, be charming and show off my newest femme mystique couture? I wouldn't miss it for all of Equestria.
:Rainbow Dash: Great! See ya tonight!
:[door closes]
:[mannequins rattling]
:[door slams open]
:[crash]
:Rarity: Ooh, the rhinestones I ordered! [beat] Oh, my. Oh, there's been a mistake... I ordered dragon-cut stones, and these are hoof-polished.
:"Package Deal": I'm sorry, but I've got a full load of deliveries today. I'm not sure I have time to redo your order.
:Rarity: Of course you don't. Your job is so difficult. Honestly, I don't know how you keep all of those orders straight.
:"Package Deal": [chuckle] It is pretty tough, what with the boxes all being... box-shaped.
:Rarity: Oh, y—oh yes, and I very much appreciate it. But if there was any way you could squeeze in one more little delivery, I would be eternally grateful.
:"Package Deal": [laughs nervously] Well, for you, Rarity, I'll see what I can do.
:[door closes]
:Sassy Saddles: Rarity, you could sweet-talk a filly out of candy!
:Rarity: Oh, [chuckles], it was nothing. Nopony minds a compliment. Now, you simply must help me pick out an outfit for tonight. Something from the new collection, of course.
:[general background chatter]
:Rainbow Dash: Let's grab some grub!
:Rarity: [sniffs] Mm, is that Juniper Phoenix I smell?
:Rainbow Dash: No, it's broccoli! [chewing]
:Wind Rider: Yeah, Juniper Phoenix is one of my favorite stallion colognes.
:Rarity: Oh, mine as well. It's masculine and yet—
:[plate smashes]
:Rarity: —soft with the barest hint of floral notes and—
:Rainbow Dash: [hushed] Rarity! Don't you know who this is?!
:Rarity: A gentlepony with fabulous taste in colognes and scarves?
:Rainbow Dash: It's Wind Rider!
:Rarity: Oh! So nice to meet you!
:Rainbow Dash: You didn't let me finish! He's a living legend. He holds the Wonderbolt record in the Mustang Marathon!
:Wind Rider: Well, that was a long time ago. Honestly, I can't believe I still hold the record.
:Spitfire: Wind Rider, I see you met Rainbow Dash! She's one of our most promising Reserves. She just might beat your record.
:Wind Rider: Really now?
:Rainbow Dash: Oh, heh, I'm nowhere near as good as you. I mean, I'm fast, but I don't have the endurance to go long distances.
:Spitfire: Ah, don't be modest. A little practice and you'll be beating records in no time.
:Wind Rider: Heh-heh. Well, it's nice to meet you fillies.
:Rainbow Dash: [sighs] Not as nice as it is to meet you, sir. [barely-contained laughter] I can't believe I just met Wind Rider!
:Misty Fly: Yeah, he's coming out of retirement to take the spot of honor in the center of our aerial flower formation tomorrow.
:Rainbow Dash: [gasps] Really? That's incredible! Guess I'll just watch Wind Rider being awesome from the sidelines... practice tomorrow is gonna be so boring.
:Rarity: I don't suppose I could keep you company?
:Rainbow Dash: You could! They always let friends and family come watch practices!
:[splash]
:Rarity: Mm, ooh!
:Rainbow Dash: Oops. Heh, sorry about that. Lemme help you clean that up. [hocks and spits]
:Rarity: Uh, no-no, it's almost impossible to get stains out of silk. But not to worry. I've come prepared!
:Rarity: That dinner was absolutely divine. Thanks for inviting me! Ooh, you're staying in the east tower? Those rooms have the best view of Canterlot!
:Spitfire: How lucky are we? Well, we better get some shuteye before practice.
:[door shuts]
:Rainbow Dash: See you tomorrow, Rarity!
:Rarity: Good night!
:Rainbow Dash: [sighs] Thanks for keeping me company, Rarity. If you weren't here, well, I don't know who I'd be talking to right now.
:[splat]
:Soarin: Eh, you'd be talkin' to me. Rainbow Dash, Spitfire's mom sent a message that she was sick. She had to leave to take care of her.
:Rainbow Dash: [gasps] Oh, no! I hope her mom's okay!
:Soarin: Me too. In the meantime, we need you to fly in her place.
:Rainbow Dash: L-Like, in the actual show?
:Soarin: Unless Spitfire comes back, yes.
:Rainbow Dash: I won't let you down, Soarin! [squeals] This is the best thing ever! Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! [sing-song] I'm gonna get to fly with Wind Rider and the Wonderbolts, 'cause I'm the bestest and I'm awesome and they know it! [continues under] Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh...
:Soarin: Uh... Rainbow Dash?
:Rarity: [hushed] Shh! Let her have this, darling.
:Rarity: Hello there! Friend or family?
:Stormy Flare: Family. My daughter's a Wonderbolt, but I don't see her up there. Do you know Spitfire?
:Rarity: Ooh, you're Spitfire's mum? But I thought you were sick.
:Stormy Flare: What?
:Rarity: Well, Spitfire got a note from you saying you weren't feeling well, and she went home to take care of you.
:Stormy Flare: I didn't send a note.
:Rarity: That's so strange.
:Soarin: Stormy Flare? Aren't you supposed to be sick? 'Kay, what's happening?
:Stormy Flare: I don't know. But I do know I didn't send my daughter a note.
:Rarity: Could somepony have sent Spitfire a fake note?
:Misty Fly: Who would do such a thing?
:Soarin: Somepony who wanted her out of the show, I suppose.
:Rainbow Dash: Why would anypony want that?
:Wind Rider: Maybe so they could take her spot.
:Rainbow Dash: Me?! I would never do that to Spitfire! Why would you think it was me?
:Blaze: I did see you and Spitfire leave the dinner together.
:Rainbow Dash: We were room neighbors in the castle!
:Misty Fly: And you did say you'd do anything to fly with Wind Rider.
:Rainbow Dash: Yeah, but I didn't mean anything.
:Soarin: Spitfire came by my room and told me she had to go see her mom at around midnight. Where were you then?
:Rainbow Dash: I was asleep at midnight... having this totally amazing dream. There I was at the arena flying with Wind Rider and the Wonderbolts, like I've always wanted to—
:[camera flashes]
:Rainbow Dash: —ah, eh, never mind. Not helping.
:[Wonderbolts whispering]
:Soarin: Rainbow Dash, if you can prove that somepony else is behind Spitfire's disappearance before the start of the show, then you can still fly with us. In the meantime, Misty Fly, Blaze, head over to Stormy Flare's house and try to find Spitfire and bring her back. [to Rainbow Dash] I have to warn you, if you sent that letter, the bylaws are clear. I'd have no choice but to ban you from the Wonderbolts forever. Understand?
:Rainbow Dash: [sighs] I understand. But how am I gonna prove I didn't send a letter that I didn't send?
:Rarity: With me! Detective Rarity is on the case, and we are going to get to the bottom of this faster than my costume change!
:Rainbow Dash: Yeah, what's with the getup?
:Rarity: Obviously, I am channeling Shadow Spade through these gorgeous garments, and she would say that the best way to prove that you didn't send the letter is to find out whoever did. First stop – the scene of the crime!
:[noir music plays]
:Rarity: [narrating] We had a long road ahead of us, Rainbow Dash and I. Well, not too long because we didn't have much time, but the point is... I was up for the challenge.
:[drawers opening and closing]
:Rarity: [narrating] There I was, surveying the crime scene, and looking très chic while doing it. [normally] This must be the envelope for the letter Spitfire got! [sniffs] Hmm. These look like hairs from a rainbow mane!
:Rainbow Dash: [gulps] That's not good.
:Rarity: [narrating] Rainbow Dash was getting antsy, but I had faith I could clear her name and find the real culprit.
:Rainbow Dash: What are you doing?
:Rarity: [stammers] Uh, just thinking thoughts. [narrating] Rainbow Dash was right. In order to solve the mystery, we had to be focused. Driven. One hundred percent in the— [normally] Ooh! The damask pattern on these curtains is exquisite! Oh, and this velvet rope-holder – oh, it's just—
:Rainbow Dash: We don't have time to look at the décor! They're gonna kick me out of the Wonderbolts unless we solve this thing!
:Rarity: I know, Rainbow, and I'm on this case like a charm on a bracelet! Here's what I'm thinking: somepony had to bring Spitfire that letter, which means somepony must have seen them!
:Rarity: I just have a few questions for you, and I'm sure once we get some things cleared up, we'll—
:Rainbow Dash: Come on, Rarity, we don't have all day! [to a guard] Where were you on the night of last night at midnight?!
:Castle Guard 1: We were here, guarding the hallway entrance like we were supposed to.
:Rainbow Dash: A likely story.
:Castle Guard 1: I'm telling you, we were there all night, and no one went in or out of that hallway.
:Spearhead: Except for you.
:Rainbow Dash: What are you tryin' to say?!
:Spearhead: Just that there are only two rooms in the northwest wing: yours and Spitfire's. So the only other pony who had access to that wing was you.
:Rarity: [narrating] The waters were getting choppy. Rainbow Dash's tactics were, well, horrid. It was time for another approach. [normally] Perhaps I should take it from here! You castle guards have such a difficult job. I'm guessing that at times it can be rather... boring.
:Castle Guard 1: It is. I've counted all three hundred and forty five bolts in the ceiling tiles two hundred and ninety three times!
:Rarity: And of course being a castle guard can be thankless work. I'm not saying you did, but if you took a break, you more than deserved it.
:Castle Guard 1: Oh, you're right. We don't get a lot of recognition for what we do.
:Spearhead: Except for last night when somepony was nice enough to leave a cake for us. So we did take one little break when we ate that cake.
:Rarity: What kind of cake was it?
:Spearhead: Cherry with a custard filling.
:Rarity: Was the frosting vanilla or chocolate?
:Castle Guard 1: Chocolate.
:Rarity: Was the base of the cake decorated with buttercream rosettes?
:Castle Guard 1: It was.
:Rainbow Dash: Ugh, who cares how it was decorated?!
:Rarity: [narrating] Rainbow Dash was questioning my methods. But I knew what I was doing.
:Rainbow Dash: Do you?
:Rarity: Oh, oh, oh. Did I say that one out loud?
:Rainbow Dash: I mean, even I think I'm guilty at this point! I really did want to fly in that show! What if I wrote that note when I was asleep?! Do you know what I do when I sleep?! Because I sure don't!
:Rarity: Oh, calm down, Rainbow Dash. We'll get to the bottom of this. There's only one bakery in Canterlot that makes a chocolate cherry cake with custard filling and buttercream frosting rosettes and that's...
:Rarity: ...Cinnamon Chai's Tea and Cake Shop!
:Cinnamon Chai: Hello, how can I help you?
:Rarity: I've heard you have the best chocolate cherry custard cake with buttercream frosting rosettes in town!
:Cinnamon Chai: Ah, you travel in the right circles! We have the only chocolate cherry custard cake with buttercream frosting rosettes in town!
:Rarity: Oh, no. But somepony's already bought it! Who was the lucky pony?
:Cinnamon Chai: [beat] I can't even say!
:Rarity: Why? Because it was somepony famous?
:Cinnamon Chai: No... because it was hard to tell! She was wearing a trench coat, sunglasses, and a scarf around her head that covered most of her face. But I do remember she had a really deep, raspy voice.
:Rainbow Dash: What do you mean, raspy?
:Cinnamon Chai: Well, kinda like yours.
:Rainbow Dash: [gulps]
:Rarity: If there's anything else you can remember, dish.
:Cinnamon Chai: Well, have I got a story for you! The pony who bought the cake threw a big fit when she accidentally got chocolate ganache on her scarf!
:Rarity: That's terrible! What color was the scarf?
:Cinnamon Chai: White! No, maybe more an ivory...
:Rarity: You don't say!
:Rainbow Dash: I can't believe you're talking fashion at a time like this!
:Rarity: Rainbow, don't panic. I need you to trust me.
:Rainbow Dash: Trust you?! You've spent more time changing clothes than trying to help me! I'm doomed!
:Rarity: No, you're not! Come on!
:Rarity: [narrating] Rainbow Dash was obviously upset, but I had all my ducks in a row. Except one.
:[duck quacks]
:Rarity: [narrating] She was not going to like it, but there was only one way to find out if my suspicions were correct.
:[rain pouring]
:[door opens]
:Blaze: We looked everywhere, but Spitfire wasn't at her mom's house!
:Stormy Flare: Where could she be?
:[door opens]
:[lightning cracks]
:Rarity: I have found the culprit!
:Soarin: [gulps]
:Rarity: Somepony sent Spitfire away and framed Rainbow Dash for it. And that pony was none other than... Wind Rider!
:[lightning cracks]
:[Wonderbolts expressing surprise]
:Rainbow Dash: Rarity, I can't believe you would accuse Wind Rider of framing me! He's a living legend, for pony's sake!
:Rarity: All the evidence points to him!
:Rainbow Dash: Peh! What evidence could you possibly have? All you did was ask about cake, admire décor, and change outfits a gazillion times!
:Rarity: Let me explain. I never believed you would send Spitfire away. When we found the rainbow hairs in Spitfire's room, I could tell they didn't fall out. They... were cut! Nopony loses hair in a chunk. And look at the ends. It's a straight line! They were clearly cut with shears, which means somepony planted it! Then when we were examining Spitfire's room, I smelled something on the envelope. Juniper Phoenix, Wind Rider's cologne of choice! Then, in the castle hallway, I noticed some of the damask curtains fell out of their velvet rope-holder, indicating that somepony had been hiding behind them! Perhaps after they dropped off the fake letter?
:Wind Rider: Juniper Phoenix is a very popular fragrance, and anypony could have moved those curtains.
:Rarity: Precisely why I questioned the castle guards! They were at their post at the entrance to the hallway all night, except for a small window of time when somepony brought them cake. A cake that was ordered by a girl pony with a raspy voice! Whoever ordered the cake got a chocolate stain on her ivory scarf, and I couldn't help but notice that Wind Rider's scarf is tied in a tight Windsor knot instead of its usual loose slipknot! And why is that? Is it to hide the chocolate stain?!
:[Wonderbolts gasping]
:Wind Rider: Ah, this is preposterous. Wonderbolts, you don't believe a word of this, right?
:Rarity: Just admit it – you're as guilty of framing Rainbow Dash as you are of ruining that ivory scarf!
:Wind Rider: Ah, fine! You caught me! I did it!
:Rainbow Dash: But why, Wind Rider?! Was it because I took the last broccoli at the dinner and you really, really wanted it?
:Rarity: No. It was because he was afraid that you would break his long-distance Wonderbolt record! I heard him when Spitfire said you were close to breaking his record. He said, and I quote, 'Heh-heh'. That's the polite but disingenuous laugh you make when you want to seem happy but really you're not.
:Wind Rider: I thought if I could get Rainbow Dash kicked out of the Wonderbolts forever, my record could be preserved.
:Rainbow Dash: Really? That is so not cool. And I thought you were the coolest Wonderbolt ever. Until now.
:Wind Rider: I did what I had to do to protect my record! Sometimes you gotta play dirty to be the best!
:Rainbow Dash: That's not what being a Wonderbolt is all about.
:Soarin: She's right! Wonderbolts look out for each other! Which reminds me, where is Spitfire?
:Wind Rider: I sent her the letter pretending to be Stormy Flare. I told her I had Pegasitis, and the only cure is the ice iris in the Crystal Mountains.
:Rainbow Dash: No wonder she's been gone so long. Ice irises are almost impossible to find in spring!
:Soarin: The Crystal Mountains are too far for anypony to make it there and back before the royal garden opening! Rainbow Dash, we need you to fly in Spitfire's place!
:Rainbow Dash: But Spitfire shouldn't have to miss this! I'm gonna get her!
:Soarin: But you'll never make it in time!
:Rainbow Dash: Then there's no time to lose!
:Blaze: Rainbow Dash is still gone!
:Rarity: Oh, don't panic. If I know Rainbow Dash, she'll come through.
:[door opens]
:Spitfire: [panting]
:Soarin: Spitfire, you're back! I can't believe you made it!
:Spitfire: [out of breath] I wouldn't have, if Rainbow hadn't found me so fast! Gave me enough time to fly back!
:Rainbow Dash: Rare, I couldn't have done it without you. And I'm sorry I doubted you. But why didn't you tell me what you were doing?
:Rarity: Well, I didn't want to get your hopes up until I was sure, and I couldn't be sure until I saw that chocolate stain.
:Rainbow Dash: Thank you for believing in me, even when I was doubting you. I'm some friend, huh?
:Rarity: Actually, you're quite a good friend. You went to get Spitfire, even though it meant you couldn't fly today.
:Rainbow Dash: [sighs] I'll get my chance one day.
:Spitfire: Or today. How'd you like Wind Rider's spot in the show?
:Wind Rider: Uh, w-w-what? Y-You can't do this to me! I'm one of the greatest Wonderbolts there ever was!
:Spitfire: Not anymore. For attempting to frame Rainbow Dash, I hereby strip you of your Wonderbolts status!
:Soarin: [to Rainbow Dash] So, would you like to fly with us?
:Rainbow Dash: Would I?! Woo-hoo! Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh, yeah, aww yeah...
:Soarin: Uh, Rainbow Dash?
:Rainbow Dash: [embarrassed noise] Coming!
:Rarity: [narrating] So my friend got her moment in the sun. Or the center of an aerial flower, as the case may be. And as for me? I got a chance to show off my Femme Mystique Chic collection!
:Stormy Flare: That's nice, dear.
:Rarity: Oh, did I say that out loud?
:[noir music plays over credits]
ar:نسخ/رارتي المحققة!
es:Transcripciones/¡Rarity Investiga!
pl:Transkrypty/Detektyw Rarity
pt:Transcrições/As Investigações de Rarity!