2013.09.04 - The Crazy Gets the Cash

Deadpool rubs his chin. "Five. Go fish," he tells Lunair, rubbing his chin judiciously. 
Around the two of them, the scene is utter chaos. The building is literally on fire. The walls of the bank have been blasted with craters, and there are more than a few bodies on the ground. The vault door is open, and Deadpool has a giant bag full of cash- literally marked $$$- next to him. The two of them are sitting in the middle of the lobby, playing Go Fish, apparently, and blissfully ignorant of the destruction around them. Crazy is the /best/ flavor of ice cream.
Hmm, okay. Lunair carefully reaches over for a card. Fish! She squints at the card, hmm. Boo, not a five. No pairs are set down just yet. "Okay," She nods. She checks her cards again, as a teller runs flailing by. She shrugs and resumes the game, looking calm as ever. She seems a bit distant, almost out of it. Ice cream /is/ pretty awesome. She doesn't seem to have any fives, though. She has an alarmingly large shotgun sitting at her side, too. Granted, it's not pointed at either of them (Unless it's strategic, shooting yourself just looks silly).
Marya was just taking a casual stroll today, actually getting out of the Legion headquarters for a change, when she smelled smoke in the air. It was one of those things that the fire breather instantly recognized, and she took to the sky to check it out. There was a bank, and it was on fire. That just wouldn't do, no sir! And it looked like there might be injured, or even dead. And then there were two people who flatly looked like the criminals just sitting there, acting as juicy, juicy targets. So juicy that they had to be a trap.
So, instead of attacking the villains, Marya flies over the building, the dragon on her clear cape seeming to move independently of the cape flapping in the wind, and opens her mouth, spewing a chemical mix that is effectively a super strong wet fire suppressant. Putting out the fire comes first, Dragonwing figured. That was what a Legionairre would do, right? And she was one of those now, in theory, yes? She had the flight ring, at least.
She just wanted to bank. It's a simple thing! She had to come in with her ID to set up direct withdrawl for her student loans, how hard could that be? Mmmmnope, no such luck. First she had to haul across town, and now crazy people. CRAZY PEOPLE! The silver girl had jumped behind the one of the counters, hoping that even as the most obviest mutant ever, she could still go unnoticed. Unnoticed. Such a luxury, one she no longer has. The silver girl stretches her head around the counter to peek out at the room. Are...they playing go fish? If only she could find her cell phone, tossed in the chaos. Or, alternatively, somebody else's phone.
 
VILLAINS?! WHERE?! Bank Robbery is technically a villainous act, isn't it? "Wait, I thought we were playing Go Fish?" This isn't poker? What am I supposed to do with these Yahtzee dice, then? 
"Twelve. Go Fish," Deadpool says, flopping another card on the pile. 
SPLAT. 
Deadpool shakes his arms and flaps, sending fire suppressant bile everywhere. "Wow, that's gross /and/ inconsiderate," he remarks to Lunaire, as if the person responsible could hear him somehow. "I think someone just threw up on us. And is there someone sneaking around the back counter behind me? My Spidey Sense is tingling," he informs the gun-packin' Scarlet Arsenal.
Villains? Oh dear. Lunair looks a bit owlish. She hmms, taking a card as she has to go fish. Her poker face is pretty bad sometimes, so maybe it's for the better they're playing Go Fish. She pauses. Why are there dice? Is this a game she's unfamiliar with? Must look this up on the internet later. "Okay," Fishing it is! But then, they get ralphed on. Seriously. It's worse than a frat boy raid on an open liquor store. The Godiva carrying a firehose of ralphing. One eyes is squinted, another wide in a comically startled expression.
"SO unsanitary," Ewww. She shakes an arm and makes sure none's on her head. Yick, yick, yick. She gets some hand sanitizer out. She peers around Deadpool, then blinks. "I think so. The teller lady ran away screaming and flailing. Wait, you have spider senses too?" What CAN'T Deadpool do? She seems in awe. "I think they're shiny actually."
It was perfectly sanitary fire suppressant! Nevermind that Marya is able to breathe it out. The Legionairre lands, spitting fire suppressant at the smaller fires as she walks inside, and pauses when she gets in view of Deadpool and Lunair, along with the stolen money. "I'm not quite sure what sort of sprocking game the two of you are playing, but I'm sure the authorities will be glad to question you". Dragonwing isn't able to identify the two of them. Must not be important enough in her time to merit mention in the history books. Or maybe at least not important enough that a bad student would remember them.
Villains. Absolutely. Every damn time she winds up going somewhere. Cessily spies the villains and then the woman swoops in and starts spewing fire suppressant. Great! Just what she needs, not having X-Ray Vision. Then again, it's a convenient cover. Cessily shifts around the edge of the counter, spying something on the far side of the room. Hey, that's her phone! If only she can get to it, she can call the police. The X-Men. Both! But how to get there....
 
"HEY. No fair responding to my poses from a tertiary perspective," Deadpool says, waggling a finger at Marya. "Only /I/ get to do that." And that fire suppressant barf was GROSS. "Yeah, GROSS!" 
Deadpool flops another card onto the table. "Six. Yahtzee!" Deadpool says, spilling six dice onto the floor and throwing his hands into the air. "I'll take ALL the monopoly money!" He fishes in his pocket for said money and throws it in the air. "Make it raaaain, make it rain!" 
"Also, if it's not /totes/ obvious, we're playing poker," Deadpool says, holding up his hand of Go Fish at Marya. "Or wait, where did we leave off on Stratego?" he asks Lunair.
Lunair's not sure on the rules about perspectives. It's all a mystery to her, except that the internet seems to like butts and pants and uhm, she really needs to stop relying on the internet for these things but you know. Then again, even safe search can't save your soul sometimes. Lunair doesn't seem obviously evil. There's another blink. "We did just get barfed on." Ew. Didn't she see a video from Japan like this? That was a bad night. She might've even defenestrated herself into the pool outside or something after.
"Yay!" Deadpool won! She doesn't seem to mind. He's boss and friend, or so she thinks. It's raining. She pauses in her amusement to look to Marya. "I think you were winning and -" Wait. What were- She looks confused. "Uhm. That's about it."
There wasn't a rule about tertiary perspectives. Just about multiple voices. Yeah, that was it. Dragonwing raises her eyebrow at Deadpool. "It was fire supressant. Not barf. Sprock, they're not even close," Dragonwing says, shaking her head and rolling her eyes a little bit. Everybody always mistook her power for barfing if she did anything except spit fire at them. And fire was the last thing they needed.
"At least you're patiently waiting for the police to come and arrest you instead of fleeing or fighting," Dragonwing adds, the sarcasm barely detectable in her words. If she talked to the crazies nicely, then it would be easier for them to be apprehended later, right?
And speaking of the police, the strange woman engaging with the villains is exactly the opening Cessily needs. She drops to the floor and blends out in to a flat ooze, sliding across the floor. There's no time to find her way through the cracks or the electrical system to be stealthy, so the keen-eyed might spot her. Silver isn't exactly subtle.
 
Deadpool snaps his fingers at Lunair. "Dangit, I /knew/ I was forgetting something," he says. "Why do you let me get off on these tangents?" he asks Lunair, getting to his feet. "I was /all set/ to beat feet, and then you were all... something about cards? Or was that me." He frowns, scratching his temple with a pistol barrel. "Or was it fish. Wait, whose turn is it?" he asks Lunaire, ignoring Dragonwing entirely. "And weren't we supposed to be doing something?" 
"Dangit, I am just so /out of it/ tonight," he frowns. "It's like... I was gonna do something, and then..." He looks at Dragonwing. "Hey, who are you, anyway, and why did you throw up all the fires out?"
Huh. Is that a puddle of silver? Blink. "What is with the -" She looks confused. An apologetic look to Deadpool. "I'm not sure. It's okay." She looks a little abashed though. Bad sidekick, bad! She rubs the back of her head, looking sheepish. "I think we were taking the money and running?" She seems less certain about this bank robbing thing. Thankfully, helmets protect one's identity. They also keep her from getting headshot and dying horribly. Two pluses, really. "Is that puddle MOVING?" She seems equally dubious about this whole thing. "... what was in those pancakes?" Ponder. She liked chocolate chips, but this was more like crazy chips or one of those White Rabbit montages. If someone offers her a tie dye shirt or a lava lamp, she's running.
"I'm still not sure how I feel about this." Most people - she tilts her head. "Who's Sprock?"
"Dragonwing. And Sprock is an expression of frustration where I come from," the woman explains to the two. "And plans change. Taking the money and running isn't likely a good idea anymore. I mean, I did just puke all over it," Marya offers. She holds her stomach with her hand and spews out some random mixture of chemicals on the bags of money. It isn't anything harmful, but the smell is extremely foul. "Sorry. I ate a cart hot dog a little bit ago. I think it's catching up with me," Dragonwing explains.
"And I got rid of the fires because it's my job to set things on fire, and I didn't need anyone else stealing my thing. Dragon, fire breathing, kind of goes hand in hand, you know?" She shrugs. "So, who are you two?"
Keep the villains talking. This wasn't the heroic plan Marya initially had, but if it works, then it works!
Cessily flows for all she's worth! which is quite a bit, actually, heading across the floor in a line that stretches out, and then slowly pools back around and gathers on the far side of the room. It slides up and elgulfs the phone, then keeps going, winding up underneath a desk where the goo reforms into a person, crouching as she pokes at the phone quickly.
"Batter and butter. And some ergot, I think," Deadpool tells the girl. He shrugs. "Never buy your pancakes from an Aremenian vendor in an alley. You know, I don't think he was actually a licensed Pancake Dealer," he muses. 
Deadpool nosetaps at Lunaire. "Prepare for Maneuver: Chimichanga," he informs the woman. 
The Pooly half turns and aims his legendary glutes at Marya, then pulls his own finger. Marya's vomit smells bad. Deadpool's gas smells /foul/. His own personal scent isn't exactly roses and water, but his flatulence could possibly be weaponized and then forbidden by the Geneva conventions. It's that bad. 
Deadpool whirls and fingerguns at Marya. "Hah! Suck on the ripe stench of three week old chimichangas and Frank's Red Hot!" he crows, laughing insanely. 
"Also seriously, is anyone gonna do anything about that T-1000 knockoff oozing across the room, or what? I feel like I should do... something about it, but for some reason shooting it just seems excessive. Words I /never use/."
... uh oh. Ergot. Erg-- hmm, well, at least she doesn't want to burn any witches just yet. That's a good sign, at least. Lunair looks a little ill beneath her helmet. Right. Never trust Armenian pancake vendors. Never... "Oh right," She nods. And then she thanks baby Jesus, Vishnu, Tom Cruise and his witchcraft that her helmt is um, keeping the scent at bay. Yes. Indeed. "Well, there's always the Ghostbuster kinda gun but that does seem kinda mean. I suspect unless we want to go up a star, we either bail before the cops get here or something." Because really, pulling someone into a glorified wet-dry vac is /kinda mean/ and even Lunair suspects that's a bit abusive. "... but she is /totally/ probably using a phone." Awkward. Either way, she's avoiding the Cloud of Death (Don't wanna roll save vs Death or save vs Barfing Uncontrollably). "So um, yeah. I think I should just -" Then, ew. The money's all barfed on. "You have a /problem/, ma'am. You should really see a doctor. Because that's gross. Not just regular gross, but like, posted on the internet gross. And also we should totally get out of here." Before SHE gets barfed on and/or police'd.
You all fail your save vs. Death. You all die. Everyone roll 3d6 six times, in order.
Well, it helped that the 'barf' was just Dragonwing using her powers, but if the crazy people wanted to think of it as barf, then Dragonwing was perfectly fine with that. What she wasn't fine with was the Stinking Competietion that was going on. "Aww Sprock, that's just awful," the woman says, dropping down to let the hot air/gas/whatever rise. As she drops down, the woman attempts a sweeping leg kick on Deadpool in response. Jaz would kill her if Dragonwing actually used lethal force on these guys, which was a shame. Of course, Dragonwing doesn't know how tough at least Deadpool is.
"Ahh, let the pool of silver be, it isn't harming anyone," Dragonwing responds, even as she's in the middle of trying to trip Deadpool up.
"Hello? Yes, I'd like to report a robbery," Cessily says in a quick hushed tone, knowing she only has so much time. she's got no idea who these people are, andw hile regular criminals probably can't hurt her too much, the super-criminals certainly can. Or a regular criminal with a taser. Either way. So Cessily's quick and quiet as she reports and then she hears the sound of martial arts. Great, so it's a fight now. She passes that on to the operator too, and then her arm stretches up, putting thep hone down inside a desk drawer, so the rest of her can edge forward and get a look at the fight. She might need to dive in...
Deadpool takes a quick glance at Marya Pai's +sheet. What, combat 5? Are we kidding? That's like, Street level. Wait, wait. She's got a rank of 6 in Dancing. Ooooh, like pole-? No, the other kind. "Rats. We need more exotic future time woman strippers," Deadpool says. He lifts one foot up in the air, then the other, stepping over the sweep with a loose-limbed sort of disdain that's really hard to pull off unless you're the CRIMSON CANADIAN! And with Rank 8 in Combat. As the sweep crests near him, Deadpool just brings a foot stomping down with all 230 pounds of maple-syrup drenched force he can muster, aiming right for the delicate little anklebones that Dragonwing is just, like, flailing at his legs. Apparently he has no compunctions about pulling punches. 
"Lunaire! New plan! Vacuum gun!" he orders his sidekick, pointing at Cessily's last known location. "Capture me a T-1000! I wanna see if it's as hot as the T-X is! Or hotter! Or possibly, Tricia Helfer in disguise!"
Lunair pauses. Well, she's not one to judge strippers or time strippers. Gotta make a living and she has a habit of shooting people in the face, so... all things even out. She is /definitely/ uneasy about continuing this. "Why were we robbing a bank again?" She seems puzzled. Oh well. The fight is on now! As if by magic, a Ghostbusters-esque weaponized wet-dry vac appears by her side. She does feel a /little/ bad about it, but Deadpool's a friend and friends don't let friends - wait. Well, whatever. No one's getting terminated here. Taking the vac and the end of it - it's time to go see if she can do her thing. Wait, that - desk drawer. Well, she's putting the sucky end of the vacuum over by that, then. "Um. Have at you? I'm not allowed to make battle cries anymore." Oh boy.
Deadpool's ankle stomp will land down on Dragonwing's ankle, but thanks to the armor her costume provides, the ankle doesn't shatter. Gear from the future was useful AND fashionable! Well, at least where she came from. Dragonwing would have a lovely bruise there later though. She raises her eyebrow at the comment about time strippers and flies up and over Deadpool. Dragonwing then shifts targets and spits acid at the weaponized wet-dry vac, trying to wreck the device. She had no idea what it was actually for, but she suspected she didn't want to find out.
Strippers aren't known for shooting people in the face. Well she's spotted now. Cessily emerges from under the table, popping up on the opposite side of the woman with the...vacuum? "Seriously!?" the silver girl asks. Her arms grow out into long blades and she takes a swing at the business end of the vacuum. "You guys are the most incompetend bank robbers ever!"
There's a barrel. Then another barrel. And they're pointed at Dragonwing and Cessily, and there is something very Tarentino about the way Deadpool's aiming them, the comically oversized sack of loot flung over one shoulder. 
"We're not incompetent, sweetheart," Deadpool says, taking advantage of the cinematic movie moment. "We're /nuts/. Well, I'm nuts. She's just almonds." Rimshot! "And heavily armed. And we were playing a perfectly nice game of cards until SOMEONE," he shouts, "showed up and RUDELY interrupted my GAME OF GO FISH." 
"So WHEN will YOU PEOPLE learn about NOT INTERRUPTING other people's GAMES OF GO FISH?!" 
"AM I YELLING LOUDLY ENOUGH FOR YOU NOW, QUENTIN?" 
The movie hangtime moment ends, and Deadpool shoots at both Cessily and Dragonfire, with bullets that look like they were repurposed from large game hunting rounds. Like elephants, or hippos, perhaps.
Lunair is actually far from incompetent. She's far more vicious on her own, but tempered now. She's not even sure why they were robbing a bank. But she goes with it. Lunair manages to dismiss the weapon and move away from the acid and blades. Seriously? "You really should see a doctor. Or change your diet." She's pretty sure barfing that much /can't/ be healthy and at this point, it's worse than a frat party posting on Facebook. For now, Lunair doesn't yell or shout, she's sorta busy dodging horrible fightiness. Although, she's a bit more serious now, pulling an electric sort of gun that might've been in one sci fi or another. Oh she's a bit more serious indeed.
And while there's no tazing (and no bros), there is a rather annoying zap aimed at the liquid lady. Lunair doesn't want to be terminated!
Dragonwing adjusts her breath attack, and the acidic blast is shot at the bullets whizzing towards her. The bullets melt even as the woman flies around and shifts to breathing fire, attempting to burn Deadpool's hands and make him drop the money. Maybe they couldn't contain the crazy, but they could make sure the crazy didn't get away with a bunch of cold, hard cash! Or maybe it was papery, flammable cash? Dragonwing always forgot what type of currency they used in this era.
Lunair's comments about her diet and breathing are ignored for the moment, as the woman decides she didn't really feel like explaining her power in the middle of battle. It would make it hard to try and burn Deadpool's hand, at the very least!
Deadpool fires thes hotgun and the slug goes hurtling towards Cessily. It smacks her in the back, causingthe metal girl to wince and wobble, her legs going weak and her surface actually rippling as the hit's energy dissipates. So unfair, she's just helping! Cess isn't about to terminate anybody! First off, it's not in her nature. Second, she's getting zapped! The gun shoots out its whatever it is, and Cess can't flow out of the way in time. She shrieks with pain and collapses into a half-formed mass on the floor.
Deadpool leaps sideways. And by leaps, we mean he goes flying sideways with a kung-fu leap that would make Chow yun Fat proud, wires and all. The fire scorches him up plenty, but if it hurts, he doesn't so much as make a sound in pain. 
"Some BARBECUE up in here!" he declares with a whoop, landing on his feet and ignoring the flames limning his arm and leg. "Tex Mex to the MAX!" Deadpool quickly holsters and draws a new weapon, as fast as the eye can follow, and a spray of bullets flies in Dragonwing's direction, automatic fire that peppers the ceiling behind her with new pockmarks and holes. He keeps the pistol-sized shotgun aimed at Cessily, firing another salvo at her as she and Luna clash. "And you call that fire? I've been burned worse by spicy chimichangas! But seriously, lady, you should see, like, a doctor or something about that chronic chemical halitosis. That can't be healthy."
Okay, seeing poor Cess get zapped, Lunair does feel kinda bad about it. That's got to hurt. A lot. She frowns. And then Deadpool's doing his thing. Holy cow! Well, time to taze a dragon. She never was very good at training them. And Deadpool's on fire. That's bad. "I think the cops and authorities will be here soon. Whatever we do-" It should be done fast. She'll turn the lightning gun towards Dragonwing, since poor Cess is now a half-formed mass on the floor. She also hopes one remembers to brush their teeth. Being a dragon's dentist must be hellish. Then again, they make good money.
Dragonwing's costume is pretty tough. It's tough enough to resist most gunfire, in fact. But the amount of bullets, combined with the tasering, cause the woman to fall to the ground in a heap, twitching. At least she's not breathing fire as she falls to the ground. She'll be up in a minute guys. Really, she will!
Deadpool cackles manically and hurdles out the door, with Luna in tow. "Hahaha! Today, we have money!" 
They fly into the street guns blazing, shooting through the police barricades, and it isn't until they're safely in hiding that Deadpool opens the loot bag. "My precious collection of bottlecaps, safe and sound. And to think those dead robbers back there were gonna steal all the safe deposit boxes!" he declares proudly.
Whee, in tow! Lunair feels a little bad about zapping people. Slightly. She doesn't get to use that gun too often. And she doesn't always feel /anything/ when zotting people. But she'll tag along after, nodding. "That's good," She seems glad enough her friend has his stuff back. They do look pretty neat. "Yeah, I hope they didn't think we were robbing stuff," She wrinkles her nose. But off they go!
Category:Log