Mallock the Malign vs. Captain Brickbeard vs. Dr. Inferno vs. K-2SO

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Amset-Ra is heading down one of the halls en route to the arena. He meets K-2SO.
Amset-Ra: Long time no see. It's amazing you made it this far.
K-2SO: I am inclined to agree. The competition appears to be difficult.
Amset-Ra: You betcha.
The Priest of the Tee-Vee enters.
Priest of the Tee-Vee: K-2SO, may I see you in private?
K-2SO: Certainly.
They leave.
Amset-Ra: I wonder what that meeting will be about.
Pharaoh Hotep enters.
Amset-Ra: Who are you rooting tonight, Dad?
Pharaoh Hotep: I'm going with Dr. Inferno. He beat Alien Queen, who beat me. Isn't her name Hypocrite or something?
Amset-Ra: They pronounce it Hypo-something or whatever.
Pharaoh Hotep: Hypothermia, yes.
Amset-Ra: No, that's not quite right, either... Well, are you too surprised that K-2SO made it to Round 3?
Pharaoh Hotep: Yes. I'm more surprised about Captain Brickbeard, though. I thought his pegleg would get him in trouble.
Amset-Ra: Yeah, he had to use it as cannon fodder during a battle with the Insectoids.
Pharaoh Hotep: Which ones?
Amset-Ra: The original Insectoids, not the Selvans.
Pharaoh Hotep: Gotcha. Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta do something random and evil.
He leaves.
Amset-Ra: This intro is mighty boring...
Oh no?
Frenzy: COOKING WITH A CRAZY CROOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wyldstyle: NO.
Amset-Ra: That didn't really happen!
Yes it did.
Amset-Ra: Nah, I don't think so. Anyway, it's battle time!
Wyldstyle: Welcome to Amset-Ra's Rubik's Pyr-
Meca One: ERROR. LAWS OF PHYSICS DEFIED. TAKE BACK YOUR EARLIER STATEMENTS.
Wyldstyle: Uh... sure! In the Red Corner is the escaped convict from The Adventures of Clutch Powers, Mallock the Malign! Oh, and where are Omega and Squidman?
Mallock: Squidman works with Frenzy on his cooking show. Omega got a great-paying job as substitute Space Police commissioner.
Wyldstyle: Wow... in the Green Corner, Say ahoy to Captain Brickbeard!
Captain Brickbeard: Ahoy, meself! If ye be in a pickle, just fire yer pegleg and hope ye sprout a new one like I did!
Mallock: I'm not a pirate, and I know it doesn't work that way.
Wyldstyle: In the Yellow Corner, our own mad scientist, Dr. Inferno!
Dr. Inferno: A wizard, a pirate, and a rogue droid. Child's play for a guy with an IQ of 250 1/2.
Wyldstyle: How can you even get half an IQ point?
Dr. Inferno: My dog ate part of my IQ quiz, so I got half a question.
Wyldstyle: Ah. In the Blue Corner, the Rogue One droid from the new Star Wars movie, K-2SO!
K-2SO: Prepare to fall to the rebellion.
Mallock: You're rebelling against the Empire, right. 'Cause you sould like you're rebelling against us.
Dr. Inferno: Actually, he is. Actually, we're all rebelling against each other, every day we hold a match.
Amset-Ra: I never thought of it that way. Wait, who's our predictor?
Sir Fangar: Your glooooooooorious predictor shall be none other than thee glooooooorious Sir Fangar.
Amset-Ra: Here we go again...
Sir Fangar: Without further ingloooooorious ado, I shall begin my glooooooorious prediction. Mallock is quite capable of casting glooooooorious spells, Captain Brickbeard could build himself a glooooooorious cannon out of not-so-glooooooorious pirate ship wrecks, Dr. Inferno could blast through his opponents with a glooooooorious laser blast, and K-2SO is basically a joke. My gloooooorious nomination shall go to K-2SO.
Audience: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
Sir Fangar: I was let in on a gloooooorious secret of his this morning.
Audience: TELL US! TELL US! TELL US!
Sir Fangar: No.
Amset: Let the rebellion begin!
GOOOOOOONG!
Amset-Ra: All right, who's the joker (or jester) who brought that thing back here?!
The Joker: Ooh, how in the world did you know?
Jestro: We just wanted to prank you.
Amset-Ra: Take that thing to the trash heap out back, and let the real rebellion begin.
???: Not so fast.
Wyldstyle: That voice... it sounds so familiar...
Amset-Ra: It came from K-2SO, but it's not his voice...
K-2SO starts to break apart. In his place is...
Drumroll, please...
Audience: YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! TEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-VEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
That's right. Tee-Vee is standing among the broken piece of K-2SO. On his screen is an angry Priest of the Tee-Vee.
Sir Fangar: So my glooooorious vote was worth something after all...
Dr. Inferno: All right, what do you want?
Priest of the Tee-Vee: Standing before you is the almighty, benevolent, creative, delightful, endeavoring, faithful, etc. Tee-Vee. You have caused his downfall. Now you will all pay.
Dr. Inferno: Everyone get Tee-Vee!
Brickbeard: Gladly, matey.
Priest of the Tee-Vee: What happened to "every minifigure for himself"?
Dr. Inferno: Not when sabotage and trickery are involved.
Priest of the Tee-Vee: Tee-Vee, show these inferiors your true might.
Tee-Vee: Initiating jetpack.
Fwooosh!
Tee-Vee: Initiating force field.
Vorp!
Mallock: Flight and force fields are mo match for my magic!
Priest of the Tee-Vee: Or so your twisted little mind believes.
Dr. Inferno: Where's the real K-2SO?
Priest of the Tee-Vee: I drugged him.
Dr. Inferno: Don't make me laugh! You can't merely drug a robot!
Priest of the Tee-Vee: That's droid, and I can and did.
Dr. Inferno: Construct!
Tee-Vee: Boot decreativity beam.
Amset-Ra: Now just a minute! You're supposed to be creative! Now I know you're a phony! CORONA!
The corona breaks through the force field and propels Tee-Vee out of the arena.
Amset-Ra: I swear that priest looked like Cyrus Borg...
Mallock: Now we can fight in peace! Magic force field!
Dr. Inferno: Construct!
Brickbeard: Summon!
Amset-Ra: Nope!
Brickbeard: Shiver me timbers...
Mallock: Valor boost!
Dr. Inferno: Crystal power!
Brickbeard: Mega cannon of awesome doom!
Mallock and Dr. Inferno stare at him.
Brickbeard: But it be a mega cannon of-
Dr. Inferno: Awesome doom, I know. But it still won't get you anywhere.
Brickbeard: But I used various hammerheads fer me ammo!
Dr. Inferno: Hammerheads?
Brickbeard: Sure! Dwalin's hammerhead, Amy Rose's hammerhead, Macy's macehead, Hammerhead Guardians, and a couple anvils to boot!
Dr. Inferno: And you call that ammo.
Brickbeard: Aye, matey!
Mallock: Such fools you've made yourselves... Magnetize!
Chink!
Dr. Inferno: I'm stuck!
Mallock: That's the point!
Brickbeard: I be late for me meeting with the senator!
Mallock: Too much political stuff these days.
Dr. Inferno: I'll get you to the senator's office, if I can only reach the blast button on my laser cannon...
Mallock: I reprogrammed it while you were saying all that.
Dr. Inferno: Oh... Well, I still have my mech!
CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK
Mallock: HEY! No creativity!
Dr. Inferno: You gotta be creative to remove creativity, you know.
Mallock: I should have known!
Dr. Inferno: But you didn't, and now it's too late.
Brickbeard: I be free! Fortunately yer spell be short-lived!
Mallock: But not this one.
BLAST!
Brickbeard: YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRI'llbeback!RRRRRGGGGgggggg-
Ding!
Wyldstyle: Just pretend I was announcing before this line even thought I wasn't. With a single powerful magic blast, Brickbeard was sent sailing out of the arena!
Mallock: Now... it's just you and me, Dr. Inferno. Wait, plan your strategy. I gotta make an important call.
He pulls out a holocommunicator and dials Omega.
Answering Machine: ♪Everything is awesome♪ Please wait. Your call is important to us. ♪Everything is cool♪
Mallock: I don't have time for this!
Dr. Inferno: You will, now that you're standing outside the ring.
Mallock: WHAT?!
Dr. Inferno: While you were busy, I just grabbed the ropes with my robot's arm (you know, the one that doesn't toast, grill, or flambe things) and positioned them so that you're outside them. Oh, I should probably let go.
TWANG!
Mallock: Nononononononono-
Crash!
Wyldstyle: I'm sorry, but you're not allowed in here. Have a nice day. Oh, and can I keep your hat?
She shoves him out of the announcer's booth and dons Mallock's hat, them pulls out a mirror.
Wyldstyle: Nice.
Dr. Inferno: YES! I'M GOING TO THE FINALS!
Amset-Ra: I gotta find out more about this Tee-Vee impostor.
A few Anubis Guards report to Amset-Ra in his office.
Anubis Guard: The Priest of the Tee-Vee says he didn't do it, and Cyrus Borg doesn't remember the event.
Amset-Ra: This could be interesting.
Anubis Guard: Oh, and Tee-Vee wasn't damaged in the least.
Amset-Ra: Then that must have been the real Tee-Vee. Looks like it's time for another megastory!
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Category:Season 3
Category:Round 3 Battles