Entry 3

Sorry, I'm still trying to play catch up and I have to keep stopping since attacks keep happening. Let's see, where was I?
Oh yes, emotions...   
So, turns out everyone was right about Adrie and Balasar. We've all made a little fun about those two but for some reason, she just kissed him after one of our fights. I don't understand how she knew he'd like that or that he felt the same way she did, but it paid off. They're in a relationship now. It's been interesting to me since I've never had luck with the ladies. I've seen people in relationships but none that went from a friendship to a relationship. As I said before, I don't understand how you'd know someone else's feelings aren't just that of them caring for a friend. How do you know it's more?   
Balasar says you just have to go for it, but I don't know....   
Weirdly enough, and to my pleasant surprise, I've caught myself caring for one of my friends more and more lately; Lady Eloithe. She has been such a ray of sunshine for me. She's shown me a side of this world that can be so easily forgotten. She's beautiful, kind, sweet, caring; a genuinely good person. From time to time I catch myself glance her way.   
I don't mean to do it.   
Some times I don't even realize I'm doing it until I catch myself looking at her. All I want to do is protect her but truth is, she's protected and saved me more times than I have for her. She's powerful and strong, even though she doesn't think so at times.  
I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost any of my friends; especially her. Unfortunately, we lost Elly in battle. She was killed but some how came back to us. I have no idea what happened and I'm not going to question it. I didn't have time to be sad because she was alive again before I knew it, but once again my anger kicked in. All I could think about was killing the man who killed my friend. But Janak talked some sense into me and I calmed down. He's very wise and I'm glad he's with us. In the end, I was just truly glad my little badass was back with us, safe.   
So there has been once or twice where I'd think about how it would be if I told Eloithe how I feel, and she felt the same. Start something like Adrie and Balasar, but then reality kicks in and I'm reminded that she would probably be better off with someone else.  
Twice I've been reminded in Triboar alone. I love the place, don't get me wrong, it's just that life has a funny way of reminding me how things really are in this world...  
There was a really nice weapons shop that I couldn't go into because the owner hates Orcs. And there was a fancy restaurant I wasn't allowed to go into either but Arannis was. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been able to get Eloithe the best candy in town. She was very happy that I did that for her. It made me happy that she was so happy.
Anyway, I'm use to being treated like that. Not being able to go into places because of how I look, but the last thing I want is to be with Eloithe and we can't get into some place because I'm a half Orc. Or if we do get in, then she gets stares from people because she got me in. She deserves so much better than that. She deserves someone who won't complicate things for her. As much as it hurts to admit, that just isn't me.