Transcripts 1999-12

Transcripts from December 1999 strips.
==December 6==
Panel 1Norman is sitting on the couch topless, his chest wrapped in bandages and his front teeth cut so that his mouth looks normal. He is glaring at Kingston, who is leaning over the back of the couch with a smug look.Kingston: You look different. Have you done your hair?Panel 2Norman turns to look over his shoulder at Kingston, who stands up straight.Norman: The doc' had cut my teeth to pull them out of my chest. Unlike yours, mine will grow back!Kingston: Unlike mine?Panel 3Norman faces forward but delivers a behind-the-back uppercut and hits Kingston in the jaw with a "TWACK"Panel 4Kingston glares at a smug-looking Richard while cradling his bloodied jaw.Richard: You look different. Isn't that the "mock the big, pissed off guy" look?Kingston: Shu da 'uck up an 'all a ruckin entist!
==December 13==
Panel 1Al is wearing a Santa hat and has "ME JOLLY" with an arrow pointing to him.Text: As Christmas is almost here, I thought it would be a good idea to take a break from our usual schedule with some last minute gift ideas...Panel 2A plush toy of Norman with anarchy symbol yellow sweater and tiny knife.Text: Scare the shit out of small children and animals with your very ownNORMAN GATES PLUSH DOLLMiniature Molotov cocktails sold separatelyPanel 3A watch.Caption: TIMEX WATCHESText: Made from luxurious tin and *real* plastic; the new TIMEX™ will get the time right at least twice a day and also the TIMEX™ comes with a lifetime guarantee*Panel 4A Gary Glitter CD.Gary Glitter CDs:They're *GIVING* them away...Panel 5A confused grey alien is on Mars, scratching its head while looking at NASA's Sojourner probe, which has partly tunnelled itself into the ground and broken down.Show that you love them by sending a probe to Mars that does f**k all! Well 130 million dollars is way too big to flush!Panel 6A Norman mug, T-shirt with "S.S.D.D" over the left breast, and another item mostly off-panel.S.S.D.D. tat:NOT available for Christmas but I'm working on it...Panel 7Norman's hand clutching a dead Fiona the Micro-Dragon and Anne holding up a fork with a piece of meat on it.Text: FRESH MICRO DRAGONAn excellent alternative to turkey if you can cook it without it exploding and taking out half the street!Anne: Tastes great with white wine and a pack of antacids.FooterText: *when the main spring brakes it will pop out of it's case and slash your wrist.
==December 20==
Christmas Special
Panel 1A night-vision goggle view of Santa's sleigh flying over some houses.GUI: CONTRAST ||||BRIGHTNESS ||||BATTERY: |||||X5 VISIONSanta: Ho Ho HoCaption: Christmas Eve...Panel 2Only a glow as though from night-vision goggles is visible against the solid black of night.Unseen (Norman): FOUR!Panel 3Norman is visible by the light of a rocket being launched. He is wearing the aforementioned goggles and has activated the rocket with the "Click" of a remote button. The rocket launches with a "FHISH!"Panel 4The rocket streaks through the air with a "VOOOPH!" and connects with its target in a "BOOM!"Panel 5Norman is wearing a "KICK THE COOK (arrow pointing to a target over the crotch area)" apron and standing over what looks like a ham. Anne has a bottle in front of her and is looking up at him skeptically while Richard stares at the ham in surprise. There is a decorated Christmas tree in the background.Caption: The Next Day...Anne: Where DID you get a leg of reindeer anyway?
==December 27==
Panel 1Anne and Richard are naked and in bed, sweating profusely. Anne is on top, and they are positioned nose to nose.Richard: Well love, how'd you like your anniversary present?Anne: Great, but it's hardly the most romantic gift in the world.Panel 2The camera focuses on Richard, facing him head-on.Richard: What do you mean, "not romantic"? Giving a ring for an anniversary is the most romantic thing I can think of!Panel 3Close-up of Anne from the same angle as panel 1.Anne: Gold ring yes. A diamond ring yes. But a cock ring? No..Anne: That's *kinky*!Panel 4Richard leans forward and nuzzles Anne's neck.Richard: Don't you call what we just did romantic?Anne: I would call that stimulating...Panel 5Anne leans forward and smothers Richard, pushing him off-panel.Anne: But sometimes stimulation can beat romance huh?Richard: Again already? Anne I'm good but I'm not *THAT* good!Anne: Well maybe you just need some stimulation yourself humm?Richard: WHOA!
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