Clayton and Seifer's Boasting/Invitation to Dinner

(Back in town that evening as it snowed there as well, Clayton and Seifer, now back in their normal clothing and cleaned up, frowned as Clayton sat on his armchair while Seifer laid on the couch)
Clayton: (Angrily) Who do they think they are? Those girls have tangled with the wrong men!
Seifer: (Angrily) No one says "No" to Clayton or Seifer!
(The Beanbean creature and dark boy, carrying two glasses of beer and cleaned up also, looked concerned)
Vanitas: (Scoffs) Darn right.
Seifer: Dismissed! Rejected! (As he and Clayton grab the mugs) Publicly humiliated!
(He and Clayton furiously threw them into the fireplace)
Clayton: Why, it's more than we can bear!
Popple: More beer?
Vanitas: Really?! What for?!
Clayton: Nothing helps.
Seifer: We're disgraced.
Popple: Who? You two? Never!
Vanitas: Guys, you gotta pull yourselves together.
(The poacher and the teenage boy glanced while the Beanbean creature began singing)
Popple: Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, Clayton and Seifer
Looking so down in the dumps
(As he sang that, he tried to force Seifer to smile, only to be punched toward the table where three thugs named Balthazar, Edgardo, and Thelonius were drinking)
Popple: Every guy here'd love to be you, Clayton and Seifer
Even when taking your lumps
(The grumpy hunter turned the chair away along with himself, crossing his arms with the grumpy teenage boy)
Vanitas: There's no man in town as admired as you both
You're everyone's favorite guys
Everyone's awed and inspired by you both
(He and Popple then began turning the hunter's chair around as they continued)
Popple: And it's not
Very hard
To see why
(Then, Lee, Marie, and May got on Clayton and Seifer as they sighed to them)
Popple: No one's
Slick as Clayton and Seifer
No one's quick as Clayton and Seifer
No one's neck is incredibly thick as Clayton and Seifer
For there's no one in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon
(As he sang next, he stepped onto the three thugs’ heads, much to their brief annoyance before jumping back to Clayton and Seifer)
Popple: You can ask any Balthazar, Edgardo, or Thelonius
Vanitas: And they'll tell you who's team they'd prefer to be on
(Vanitas and the three thugs then grabbed the Beanbean creature before swinging him up and down toward Clayton and Seifer)
Five: No one's
Been like Clayton and Seifer
A kingpin like Clayton and Seifer
Popple: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Clayton and Seifer
(The hunter and teenage boy finally grinned before shrugging and singing)
Clayton and Seifer: As specimens, yes
We're intimidating
(Seifer flexed his muscles while in the corner, the good villagers just rolled their eyes in annoyance secretly)
Followers: My, what two guys
That Clayton and Seifer
(The followers clinked their glasses together)
Followers: Give five hurrahs
Give twelve hips-hips
Popple: Clayton and Seifer are the best
Vanitas: And the rest is all drips
(Then, by accident, where Clayton and Seifer stood proudly, the Beanbean creature accidentally threw his drink on the hunter and teenage boy’s faces)
Followers: (Shocked) Ooooh!
(Angrily, Clayton and Seifer glared at Popple, who sheepishly hid his glass behind him. Then, Seifer punched the Beanbean creature, making him fly through the bar and then brawled with three of Clayton’s thugs)
Followers: No one
Fights like Clayton and Seifer
Douses lights like Clayton and Seifer
(Then, as they continued singing, Seifer bit Edgardo’s leg)
Edgardo: In a wrestling match
Nobody bites like Seifer
Kanker Sisters: For there's no one as burly and brawny
(Then, Seifer lifted the bench the Kanker Sisters are sitting on while they watched with excitement)
Seifer: As you can see
I've got biceps to spare
Vanitas: Not a bit of him scraggly or scrawny
(The bench was dropped on top of Popple, who was squished underneath by the Kanker Sisters)
Seifer: That's right
Clayton: And every last inch of me's covered with (Reveals his chest) hair
Followers: No one hits like Clayton and Seifer
Catches wits like Clayton and Seifer
Vanitas: In a spitting match
Nobody spits like Clayton and Seifer
Clayton and Seifer: I'm especially good at expectorating
(They both then spit out a huge spit wad of chewing tobacco around the bar while most of the male followers held up 10 signs)
Male followers: Ten points for Clayton and Seifer
(The wad went around as Popple held the vase, but as it went in, Popple slipped and the vase accidentally went on his head. Clayton and Seifer began juggling eggs)
Clayton: When I was a lad, I ate four dozen eggs
Every morning to help me get large
(Clayton and Seifer ate their eggs. After removing the vase, Popple juggled the eggs upward. However, they landed all over his face while Vanitas laughed at him)
Seifer: And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs
So we're roughly the size of a barge
Followers: No one
Shoots like Clayton and Seifer
Makes those beauts like Clayton and Seifer
Popple and Vanitas: Then goes stomping around wearing boots like Clayton
Clayton and Seifer: We use antlers in all of our decorating
(As they sang that line, Clayton and Seifer pointed to the wall by the fireplace showing trophies of animal heads they killed while sitting in their armchair)
Vanitas: And their names are....
Popple: C-L-A-Y-T.... C-L-A-Y....
I'm trying to spell them out
D'oh
(On "D'oh," Vanitas bonked him on the head in annoyance. Then, Vanitas and the male followers began lifting him)
Followers: My what two guys
Clayton and Seifer
(As they lifted the chair Clayton and Seifer sat on, they carried it while the Beanbean creature, noticing, yelped and tried running. However, they unknowingly threw Clayton, Seifer, and the chair onto him, nearly crushing him. When the song was done, the bar cheered as Clayton and Seifer grinned. Then, all of a sudden, a familiar male Scottish king and queen came in, gasping in fear)
Fergus: Help!
Elinor: Someone help us!
Jenny: (Concerned) Fergus, Elinor?
Elinor: Please! Please! (Fearfully) Fergus and I need your help!
Fergus: (Goes to each table) He's got them.... He's got them locked in the tower, along with their friends!
Joy: (Concerned) Who, guys?
Fergus: Merida, Paula, and their friends!
Elinor: (Shoving Fuzzy Lumpkins) We have to go, not a minute to lose!
Seifer: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down, Fergus and Elinor.
Clayton: Who's got Merida, Paula, and their friends locked in a tower?
Fergus: It's a Demon Bear!
Elinor: A horrible, monstrous, Demon Bear!
Fergus: And he has a Demon Bear Cub!
(Everyone only looked confused before the followers laughed hysterically)
Mojo Jojo: (Gesturing) Are they big Demon Bears?
Fergus and Elinor: Huge! Very!
(Then, Sedusa grabbed the empty mug, putting it over her mouth and making it look huge)
Sedusa: With long ugly snouts?
Elinor: Hideously ugly!
Fuzzy: And sharp, cruel fangs?
Him: And sharp cruel claws?
Elinor: Yes, yes!
Fergus: And he has glowing blood red eyes!
Fergus and Elinor: Will anybody help us?
Clayton: (Winking at his and Seifer's followers) Oh, sure.
Seifer: (Agreeing with Clayton) We'll help you both.
(Then the thugs grabbed Fergus and Elinor and lead them out the door)
Fergus and Elinor: Oh, thank you! Thank you!
(Suddenly, the thugs threw Fergus and Elinor out into the snow. Back inside, the good villagers got concerned and left while the followers resumed what they're doing)
Cletus: Crazy old Fergus and Elinor.
Boaz: They’re always good for a laugh!
(They laughed. Clayton and Seifer, hearing them, thought up a plan)
Clayton: Crazy old Fergus and Elinor, huh?
Seifer: Crazy old Fergus and Elinor....
(They looked down at Popple, who recovered, and began singing)
Clayton and Seifer: Popple, we've just suddenly been thinking
Popple: A dangerous pastime?
Clayton and Seifer: (Annoyed) We know!
(They ushered Vanitas to come to them as well)
Clayton: Those wacky old coots
Are Merida and Paula’s parents
And their sanity only so-so
Seifer: Now, the wheels in our heads
Are turning
Since we looked
At those loony old folks
Clayton and Seifer: See, we promised ourselves
We'd be married to Merida and Paula
And right now, we're evolving a plan
(The followers listened as Clayton and Seifer whispered to Popple and Vanitas the plan)
Popple: (Surprised) You what?!
Vanitas: No, would they...?
Clayton and Seifer: Guess!
Popple and Vanitas: Now, we get it!
Four: Let's go for it!
(Then they began singing)
Four: No one
Plots like Clayton and Seifer
Clayton and Seifer: Takes cheap shots
Like Clayton Seifer
Popple and Vanitas: Plans to persecute harmless crackpots
Like Clayton and Seifer
(Then the followers joined in)
Followers: And their marriages we soon will be celebrating
My what two guys
Clayton and Seifer
(Outside, Fergus and Elinor were helped up by the good villagers)
Fergus: Why are you helping us?
Officer Jenny: Because we don't like Clayton and Seifer.
Basil: We heard your dilemma, and we'll help you in any way we can.
Dawson: That's right.
Nurse Joy: Merida, Paula, and their friends are our friends, too. And we'll do everything in our power to help.
Fergus: (Gratefully) Oh, thank you!
Elinor: (Gratefully) Thank you!
(Then they head back to Fergus and Elinor’s cottage. Back at the castle, Merida and Paula were still crying while their friends were concerned. Just then, they heard a knock at the bedroom door. They turned to the door, looking concerned)
Merida: Who is it?
Jasmine: (Voice-over) It's Princess Jasmine.
Aladdin: (Voice-over) And Aladdin.
(The Scottish princess and younger girl got off of the bed while Kayley opened the door. The wolves entered while pushing the cart. With them are Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Daisy, Goofy, and Pluto)
Jasmine: We thought you might like some tea.
Kayley: (Shocked) Wait, you're all…!
(Just then, she yelped, bumping into a sleeping black normal looking cow, waking her up. That is Clarabelle Cow)
Clarabelle: Oh, careful.
Garrett: Non-anthro animals?
Clarabelle: My name is Clarabelle Cow.
Merida: My goodness, I didn't think it was possible, but we see non-anthro animals everywhere.
(They then looked at the other servants)
Kayley: And you guys are?
Mickey: Mickey Mouse.
Minnie: His wife, Minnie Mouse.
Donald: Donald Duck.
Daisy: His wife, Daisy Duck.
Goofy: Gwarsh, my name is Goofy, Clarabelle's husband.
Aladdin: My name is Aladdin, and this lovely she-wolf is my wife, Jasmine.
Jasmine: (Chuckling) Nice to meet you all.
(Pluto barked happily)
Mickey: And this is Pluto, my buddy.
Clarabelle: It may be impossible, but here we all are.
(Mowgli smiled from behind his parents)
Mowgli: I told you those two girls were pretty, Mom and Dad, didn't I?
Jasmine: All right.
(The tea cups were taken before they filled up the tea)
Aladdin: Slowly now. Don't spill.
(Mowgli then gave each of Merida’s group their cups)
Merida: Oh, thank you.
Paula: Thanks.
Mowgli: Do you wanna see a trick?
(He then took out a red silly straw and blew bubbles in Garrett's cup of tea, much to Aladdin’s annoyance)
Aladdin: (Voice-over, annoyed) Mowgli!
(Mowgli stops blowing bubbles and put the straw away)
Mowgli: (Sheepishly) Oops! Sorry.
Jasmine: That was a very brave thing you all did.
Minnie: We all think so as well.
(The servants nodded in agreement while Merida and Paula sighed sadly)
Merida: But we've lost me and my sister's parents.... Our dreams.... Everything we had.
Paula: At least we have us.
Jasmine: She's right. Cheer up.
Aladdin: It'll turn out all right in the end, you'll see.
(The Scottish princess and girl smiled a bit with Garrett, Kayley, and Ayden)
Jasmine: (Giggles) Oh, listen to us.
Aladdin: Chatting away when there's dinner to be served. Come along, guys.
(The servants nodded as they began walking out of the room)
Jasmine: Mowgli, Come along now.
(The wolf cub nodded before leaving)
Mowgli: Bye!
(After the other servants left, the group looked at Clarabelle)
Clarabelle: Well, then. What will we dress you in for dinner? Oooh, let's see what I got in the wardrobe!
(As she opened the cabinet, some moths came out before she chuckled sheepishly)
Clarabelle: Sorry, it's been a while. How embarrassing!
(She then looked at some dresses)
Clarabelle: Oh, here are some for the girls.
Kayley: Thank you for the offer, but why should we go to dinner with him?
Garrett: Yeah?
Kayley: He held the king and queen prisoner.
Garrett: Why should we treat him like he's different?
Merida: Besides, we're not going to dinner.
Paula: That's right.
Clarabelle: (Gasps) But you have to.
Kayley: Now look....
(However, Chuckie entered the room, clearing his throat)
Chuckie: Dinner is served.
(At the dining room, Kenai waited impatiently, pacing around as Tommy, Kimi, Aladdin, Jasmine, and the little Demon Bear watched)
Kenai: What's taking those girls and their friends so long? I told them to come down. (Growls) Why the heck aren't they here yet?!
Jasmine: You have to be patient, sire.
Aladdin: It's true. Those two girls lost their parents and their, along with their friends', freedom all in one day.
(Kenai only looked disgusted)
Tommy: Master? Do you think those two girls are the ones to break the spell?
Kenai: (Glares) Of course I have! I'm no fool.
Tommy: (Grins) Good, then.
(As he spoke next, Kimi lit two candles he's holding)
Tommy: You two fall in love with them, and they fall in love with you two, and (Blows the candles out) Poof! The spell is broken!
Kimi: And we'll be human again by midnight.
Aladdin: Um, Tommy, Kimi, it's not that simple; These things take time.
Kimi: But the rose already began to wilt.
Tommy: What else are we suppose to do about it?
Kenai: (Looks at himself and the little Demon Bear) It's no use. Those girls are so beautiful and we're....
(He then glared at them)
Kenai: Well, look at us!
Little Demon Bear: And besides, they're afraid of us.
Jasmine: You have to help them see past all that.
Kenai: (Turns away) I don't know how.
(Aladdin looked at the two in determination)
Aladdin: Well, you can start by making yourselves more presentable. (Seriously) Straighten up.
(The big Demon Bear and the smaller Demon Bear obeyed his order)
Aladdin: Try to act like gentlemen.
Tommy: And when those girls and their friends come in, give those girls a dashing smile. Well, come on, smile.
(The big Demon Bear and the smaller Demon Bear grinned and showed all of their teeth forcefully, making Kimi yelp)
Kimi: Uh, just don't scare the daylights out of them like you're doing to me!
(They then continued giving some advice to the two Demon Bears)
Tommy: Impress them with your delightful wit.
Jasmine: But be gentle.
Kimi: Shower them with compliments.
Aladdin: But be sincere.
Tommy: And above all....
Four: (To the little Demon Bear) Don't be shy! (To Kenai) And you must control your temper!
(Just then, they noticed the door opening)
Kimi: (Gasps) Here they come!
(The two Demon Bears smiled happily. Just then, the meekish Chuckie came to the room)
Chuckie: Good evening, Master.
(Kenai glared while the little Demon Bear got disappointed)
Kenai: (Impatiently) Well, where are those girls and their friends?
Little Demon Bear: (Concerned) Are they coming or not?
Chuckie: (Worried) Who? (Realizes nervously) Oh, those girls and their friends. Of course. Well, you see, they and their friends are in the process of.... Well, circumstances being what they are.... (Frightened) They're not coming down.
Kenai: (Angrily roaring) WHAT?!
(The big Demon Bear barged out of the room towards the East Wing, running in on all fours as the little Demon Bear and the servants quickly followed him)
Chuckie: Master! Stop! Let's not be hasty!
(Then, as they came to the door, the angry big Demon Bear pounded on the door)
Kenai: I thought I told you two and your friends to come down to dinner!
Merida: (Voice-over) We're not hungry!
Garrett: (Voice-over) Yes! So beat it!
(The little Demon Bear and the servants only looked down as the big Demon Bear glared)
Kenai: You come out or I'll-I'll-I'll break down the door!
Kayley: (Voice-over) We like to see you try because we locked it!
Garrett and girls: (Voice-overs) Yes!
Tommy: Uh, Master?
(He looked at the male dog angrily)
Tommy: I could be wrong, but that is not the best way to win the two girls' affections.
Chuckie: Please, attempt to be a gentleman.
(Kenai only glared back at the door)
Kenai: (Through gritted teeth) But those girls and their friends are being so difficult!
Jasmine: Gently, gently....
(He growled a bit, turning back to the door)
Kenai: (Calmly) Will any of you come to dinner?
Little Demon Bear: You must be hungry.
Paula: (Voice-over) If you did not hear any of us, then I will say this: Our answer together is still no, you monster.
Kenai: (Points to the door with an "I told you so" look) Hmmm?
Little Demon Bear: Ah, ah. Suave, genteel.
(Kenai bowed as he narrowed to the door)
Kenai: It would give me great pleasure if you would join me and my brother for dinner.
(His fists looked like they were shaking with anger)
Tommy: Say "Please."
Kenai and little Demon Bear: (Glancing at the door) Please?
Group: (Voice-overs) No thank you!
(The angry Kenai glared angrily with fury)
Kenai: You can't stay in there forever!
Merida: (Voice-over) Yes we can!
Garrett: (Voice-over) We'd rather starve than eat with you!
Kenai: (Angrily) Fine! Then go ahead and (Roars) STARVE!!
(He then turned angrily to the five servants, who each looked frightened)
Kenai: (To the servants) If they don't eat with me and my brother, then none of them eat at all! (To the little Demon Bear) Come on!
(With that, he ran off angrily and slammed a door very loudly after the little Demon Bear followed in concern. Then a small piece of the ceiling fell onto Tommy's head)
Tommy: Ow.
Kimi: (Sarcastically) Well, that worked like a dream.
Chuckie: All right. Tommy, you and Kimi stand watch at the door. Inform me of the slightest change.
Tommy: (Salutes) You can count on us, Ol' Chuck-a-roo.
Kimi: We won't let you down!
(They started walking back and forth, guarding the door)
Aladdin: (Sighs) Well, we might as well go downstairs and start cleaning up.
Chuckie: Yeah.
(With that, they headed downstairs, leaving the two dogs to continue their work. In the West Wing, the big Demon Bear threw the door open, stomping in over to his dressing table with the smaller Demon Bear speaking angrily)
Little Demon Bear: How could you say they can starve like that?!
Kenai: (Frustrated) I asked them nicely! But they still refused!
Little Demon Bear: But what if they change their minds?!
Kenai: (Angrily and evenly) Well, what do you want me to do?! Beg?!
(When they were near the dressing table, Kenai glanced at the magic mirror and picked it up)
Kenai: Show me the girls and their friends!
(Slowly, a vision of an angry Merida's group sitting on the bed appeared. Clarabelle was sitting near them as she tried calming them)
Clarabelle: Please, come on. Why can't all of you give him a chance?
Garrett: (Angrily) Why should we?!
Kayley: (Angrily) Did he ever give the king and queen a chance? Ha! I wish!
Garrett: (Angrily) Don't let him make us laugh!
(Ayden angrily squawked in agreement with his master)
Merida: (Angrily) I wouldn't give him a chance, especially if he were the last person on Earth!
Clarabelle: But he's not so bad once you get to know him.
Merida: (Scoffing, angrily) I don't want to get to know him! I don't want to have anything to do with that…! That monster!
(The big Demon Bear’s face dropped with a worried look before looking down as the image vanished)
Kenai: Oh, I'm just kidding myself. She and her friends'll never see me as anything....
(He then placed the mirror face down on the dressing table)
Kenai: But a monster.
(He looked sadly at the rose in the glass jar as a petal from it fell)
Kenai: (Sadly) It's hopeless....
(Feeling sad for him, the smaller Demon Bear looked back at the West Wing door and deciding to do something about Merida’s group, began to walk away when…)
Kenai: (Sadly) Where are you going? Cleaning up?
(The smaller Demon Bear, despite hating telling lies to his brother, lied)
Little Demon Bear: Yes. And then I'll return.
(And with that, he left as Kenai continued to look at the rose sadly)
Coming up: Merida’s group comes out, feeling hungry and ends up befriending more servants and even the little Demon Bear himself. Then they are treated as guests with some food.
Category:Beauty and the Beast Fanmakes
Category:Beauty and the Beast Parodies
Category:Fan Fiction