The Lorax/Transcript

[The movie begins with the Lorax entering the stage to address the audience.]
Lorax: Hello, everybody. Thanks for coming. (reads the note) I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. And I'd like to say a few words, if you please. Regarding the story that you're about to see. It actually happened. Just take it from me. But there's more to this story than what's on the page, so please pay attention while I set the stage.
(Curtain opens to Thneedville.)
Lorax: [v.o.] We open in Thneedville, a city they say that was plastic and fake, and they liked it that way! A town without nature, not one living tree. So, what happened to them? Cue the music! Let's see.
In Thneedville,
it's a brand new dawn
With brand new cars
and houses and lawns
Here in
Got-all-that-we-need-ville
In Thneedville,
we manufacture our trees
Each one is made
in factories
And uses 96 batteries
In Thneedville,
the air's not so clean
So we buy it fresh
It comes out this machine!
In Satisfaction's-
guaranteed-ville
In Thneedville,
we don't want to know
Where the smog and trash
and chemicals go
I just went swimming,
and now I glow
In Thneedville,
we have fun year round
We surf and snowboard
right in town
We thank the Lord
for all we've got
Including this
brand new parking lot!
Parking lot!
Oh, look,
it's Aloysius O'Hare
Aloysius O'Hare
The man who found
a way to sell air
And became a zillionaire
Hip-hip-hooray!
In Thneedville,
we love living this way
It's like living in paradise
It's perfect!
And that's how it will stay
Oh, yeah!
Here in
Love-the-life-we-lead-ville
Destined-to-succeed-ville
We-are-all-agreed-ville
We love it here in...
Thneedville!
Yes!
Oh, hi, Ted.
Oh, hey, Audrey. Hi.
Did your ball land
in my backyard again?
What? No.
A model airplane,
this time.
Hey, do you want to
see something cool?
Come on.
Whoa!
Did you...
Did you paint this?
Do you like it?
What?
Are you kidding?
This is amazing!
What are those?
Those are trees.
Real ones.
They used to grow
all around here.
And people said that
the touch of their tufts
was softer than
anything, even silk.
And they smelled
like butterfly milk!
Wow! What does
that even mean?
I know, right?
Oh, yeah.
What I want more than anything
in the whole world is to see
a real living tree
growing in my backyard.
So if, say... I'm just
thinking out loud here.
If a guy somehow
got you one...
I'd probably
marry him on the spot.
I bet that sounds crazy.
Does that sound crazy?
No! Not crazy.
Not crazy at all.
Cut to Ted's family having dinner. Ted is seen poking his food, looking bored.
Ted's Mom: Ted, honey, don't play with your food. You, either, Mom.
Cut to Granny Norma bobbing her food before flicking it into her mouth.
Ted: So, Mom, do you happen to know if there's any place where I could get a real tree?
Ted's Mom: Ted, we already have a tree. It's the latest model.
Ted: Yeah, but I mean a real one that grows out of the ground or whatever. You know, a real tree.
Ted's Mom: Really? You would rather have some dirty, messy lump of wood that just sticks out of the ground? And it does what? I don't even know what it does. What's its purpose? Look at what we've got. [gestures to the Oak-amatic] It's the Oak-amatic. The only tree with its own remote. Summer, autumn, winter, and disco!
Ted: Mom?
Ted's Mom: Come on, Ted. Get into it. Dance with the tree.
Ted: Oh, it hurts, Mom. Please stop. [the music stops] So, anyway... Let's just say I need a tree. Where would I go? What do I do?
Granny Norma: Then you know what? You need to find the Once-ler. [starts slicing her food]
Ted: [stammering] The what?
Ted's Mom: Mom, it's not really the time for one of your magical fables, okay?
Granny Norma: That's right, I forgot. I'm old and can't even remember to put my teeth in.
Ted's Mom: Stand down. That's not what I meant.
Granny Norma: No, really, I forgot my teeth. Would you be a dear and go get them for me?
Ted's Mom: [sighs] Sure, Mom. [leaves the kitchen]
As soon as Ted's Mom left, Granny Norma finds her teeth and puts them in her mouth.
Granny Norma: Okay, here's the deal. The Once-ler is the man who knows what happened to the trees. You want one, you need to find him.
Ted: The Once-ler? Mmm-hmm. Okay. Grammy, is this a real thing that we're talking about now?
Granny Norma: Oh, he's real all right.
Ted: Well, where can I find him? [shrieks]
Granny Norma: Far outside of town where the grass never grows and the wind smells slow and sour when it blows. And no birds ever sing, excepting old crows.
Ted: [shrieks] Quit doing that.
That's the place where the Once-ler lives.
Wait, outside of town?
People used to say if you brought him 15 cents,
a nail
and the shell of a great,
great, great grandfather snail,
he would tell you everything.
Hmm.
Mr. O'Hare, what we've got for you is something that is going to take O'Hare Air to the next level.
Now, Mr. O'Hare, I know what you're thinking.
One, " I've gotten rich selling people air that's "fresher than the stinky stuff outside. "
Two, and here is the important one, "How can I possibly make even more money?"
We can tell you, sir!
We can tell you.
Check out this commercial, huh?
Well, here goes another lame Saturday.
Dude, I don't think so!
Huh!
Hey!
Man!
Oh, yeah!
What!
Yeah!
O'Hare purified air.
Freshness to go.
Please breathe responsibly.
Ah?
Oh, my goodness. Yeah!
Love it.
You got to be kidding me.
You really think people are
stupid enough to buy this?
Our research shows that if you
put something in a plastic bottle,
people will buy it.
Exactly. And...
And what's more, when
we build a new factory
to make
the plastic bottles,
the air quality is
just going to get worse.
Which will make people
want our air even more,
and drive sales where?
Through the roof!
So, in other words,
the more smog in the sky,
The more people will buy.
See, that's why he's the
genius! It even rhymes!
I'm aware it rhymes.
Coats. Big.
What do you two
knuckleheads want?
I'm in the middle
of a meeting!
What?
Why is he leaving town?
No one ever leaves town!
See what he's up to.
Whoa!
Huh?
Whoa! Whoa.
Oh, man.
Whoa!
All right.
Okay.
What the...
Whoa!
[Ted gets pulled up by a rope and pulley to the second floor window where the Once-ler confronts him angrily.]
Once-ler: Who are you? Who are you and what are you doing here?!
Ted: I'm Ted. I'm Ted. I can't breathe. Are you the Once-ler? Oh, man.
Once-ler: Didn't you read the signs? No one is supposed to come here. Get out of here and leave me alone! And don't let the boot hit you on the way out.
Ted: The boot? [gets kicked by said boot from behind] Hello! Ow!
Listen! People say that if someone brings you this stuff that you will tell them about trees. [gets grabbed again] No, no, no!
Once-ler: Trees?
Ted: Yeah, real ones. You know, that grow out of the ground? [pause] Hello?
Once-ler: Sorry, it's just... Well, I didn't think anyone still cared about trees.
Ted: Well, that's me. The guy who still cares. I'm here. [gets put back down] Hey! What?
Once-ler: Do you want to know about trees? About what happened to them? Why they're all gone? [sighs] It's because of me.
Ted: [confused] Wait, what?
In response, the Once-ler drops the Chute-ma-phone down for Ted to understand him.
Once-ler: [shouting] It's because of me! [Ted coughs] And my invention, the Thneed. It was an amazing product that could do the job of a thousand.
Ted: All right. Sounds ridiculous, but I mean, that's cool.
Once-ler: You're darn right it was cool! It all started a long time ago.
Ted: Can we start not so long ago, maybe?
Once-ler: Do you want a tree?
Ted: Yes, yes.
Once-ler: Then it all started a long, long time ago.
[scene flashes back to the Once-ler as a young man]
Once-ler: I was a young man leaving home.
Well, here I go, Mom. Off to change the world with my Thneed. I'm actually doing it!
Yes, but just remember, Oncie, if somehow your invention ends up a failure instead of a success, oh, it wouldn't surprise me at all!
Nice wheels.
Burn!
Ow!
Yeah, "Burn!"
But you will see, okay? I'm
going to prove you all wrong.
Come on, Melvin!
So, there I was
at the very bottom.
With nothing
but a wagon, a mule,
and a completely irrational
sense of optimism.
I was searching the globe,
obsessed with finding the
perfect material for my Thneed.
But I'd had
absolutely no success.
Until one day, I found paradise.
Oh!
We're going to be there soon, I'm sure.
Whoa!
This is the most beautiful place, okay, I have ever seen.
Oh.
Ta-da!
Whoa!
Yeah
This is it!
This is the place
These Truffula trees
are just what I need
Gonna chop one down
and make my Thneed
But first...
Now you!
That's great!
So now our
friendship can begin
Hand in hand,
and wing and fin
There's nothing
you and I can't do
So let's all make
my dreams come true
Hey, guys!
Come on, where is my back-up chorus?
What?
Ah-ha! Oh.
Ooh!
Ted: [interrupting the story] Hey, hey, hey. Wait a minute.
Once-ler: Excuse me?
Ted: [chuckles] Yeah. That's awesome. You know, feeding junk food to forest animals? That's great. But, uh, is there a musical number where you show me how to get a tree? 'Cause I'd love to hear that one.
Once-ler: Oh, yes. Right after the musical number about the kid who kept interrupting the story and was never heard from ever again. Hmm?
Ted: Right. Got it. Proceed.
Once-ler: All right, here we go. About to make a Thneed, about to change the world.
Once-ler: Check it out, guys... Where did everybody go?
Once-ler: Little did I know that by chopping down that tree I had just summoned a mystical creature as old as time itself. The legendary, slightly annoying guardian of the forest.The Lorax.
[The Lorax, along with the Swomee-Swans, the Bar-ba-loots, and the Humming-Fish, place stones around the stump to honor the tragic loss to the forest.]
The Lorax: [first meets Once-ler] Hey!
[Once-ler shrieks and falls backwards]
The Lorax: Did you chop down this tree?
Once-ler: Uhh... No. Who did it?ǃ [gasps] What's that? [the Lorax looks back and Once-ler drops his axe on Pipsqueak the Bar-ba-loot] I think he did it.
Lorax: [growls] Leave! Vacate the premises! Take your axe and get out!
Once-ler: And who are you? [pokes the Lorax]
Lorax: Hey, hey! I-I'm the Lorax, guardian of the forest. I speak for the trees. [The Once-ler stares at him] So, you're telling me, that you didn't see me magically appear out of that stump? With all the lightning and thunder and stuff. You didn't see any of that?
Once-ler: No, but that sounds amazing. Can I see some of that?
Lorax: Uhh, yeah, I could show you. But that's not how it works.
Once-ler: Okay. Um… Didn’t really happen. Oh, I know what you want! I’ve got one of these for the cutest little guy I ever saw! Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy…
Lorax: How dare you! Give me that! Mmm. I’m going to eat this, but I am highly offended by it.
Once-ler: What are you… Hey, Mustache! Will you stop that? What’s your deal, man?
Lorax: Pull them right out time for you to go, Beanpole!
Once-ler: Just going to put them right back in. We can do this all day.
Lorax: Stop right there! Stop it! So you would hammer one of nature’s innocent creatures?
Once-ler: What? No! I would never hit this little guy. You, on the other hand, I would gladly pound you and your mustache into the ground!
Lorax: Behold! The intruder and his violent ways. Shame on you. For shame!
Once-ler: All right, you know what? That’s it! You listen to me, you furry meatloaf. I’m going to chop down as many trees as I need. Okay? Newsflash! Not going anywhere! End of story.
Lorax: Then you leave me no choice. If you’re not gone by the time the sun sets on this valley, all the forces of nature will be unleashed upon you and curse you until the end of your days! You have been warned. Thanks.
Once-ler: Yeah, okay.
Lorax: You have been warned.
* * *
Once-ler: But I didn’t listen to his warning. And you won’t believe what happened that night.
Ted: What?
Once-ler: If you want to hear more, come back tomorrow.
Ted: Hey, wait, wait! Tomorrow? Are you serious right now? Ah! You live in the middle of nowhere! It stinks out here. Don’t make me come back!
Once-ler: I guess you don’t really want to hear the rest of the story.
Ted: No, no. I do. I really do. I want to hear the story. I just…
Once-ler: Nah! You don’t have what it takes. Goodbye.
Ted: Wait, wait! I have what it takes. It’s all right. It’s okay, I’ll come back. It’s no problem. See, here I am, leaving. Walking away now. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Once-ler: Mmm. Maybe. Just maybe.
* * *
What did you wish for, Audrey?
Well, I would love to tell you, but, sadly, according to the universal wish laws, I cannot I know what she wished for.
Was it, perhaps… This?
Ted, you didn’t.
Oh, no. I totally did. Happy birthday, Audrey.
Kiss him! Kiss him!
Ted. Ted. Tedster.
Huh!
You’re kissing the cereal again, hon. What?
I just… I like this cereal.
What one is this? Yeah!
Okay. Well, I’ll make sure to buy extra next time for you.
Ted: All right, cool. Hey, I got to run. I got to go do a thing. So, I’ll see you guys.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You’re not going anywhere, young man. It’s Sunday. You know what that means? Family time, and we’re all playing board games!
Ted: But…
Hmm. Mmm?
Oh, man.
Mom, seriously, every turn?
Granny Norma: Hey, back off! Ooh! No.
Okay! Family time is over. It is now personal time. I’ll be in my room.
Granny Norma: Okay, dear. Have fun. I knew I could break her. Go. Go see him!
Ted: Oh, yeah! You rule! Thank you, Grammy.
* * *
Whoa!
O'Hare: Hey! Ted, right?
Ted: Um, Mr. O’Hare?
O'Hare: So, I hear you have become interested in trees. What’s that all about?
Ted: Oh. Um… Where did you hear that?
O'Hare: Oh. Teddy, there’s not much that goes on in Thneedville that I don’t know about. Here’s the deal, I make a living selling fresh air to people. Trees? They make it for free. So, when I hear people talking about them, I consider it kind of a threat to my business.
Ted: I don’t even know what you’re talking about.
O'Hare: You listen to me, boy. Don’t go poking around in things you don’t understand or I’ll be your worst nightmare. I’m Frankenstein’s head on a spider’s body!
Ted: Yeah, um… Okay, my mom is expecting me. So, I’m just going to…
O'Hare: Of course, of course. Now, go back to your family game time. Grandma just finished her turn.
Ted: How did you know?
O'Hare: Please. I have eyes everywhere. You got a beautiful town here, Ted. Lots of fun stuff to occupy your short attention span. Why, I can’t think of any reason you would ever want to go outside of town again.
Even.
Okay! Good talk. Really good talk.
Ted: Oh, no. Look out! Hey, man? You know, you need to change that door bell.
Once ler: Oh, you missed me.
Ted: What?
Once-ler: You’re already back. Clearly, you missed me a little. Right?
Ted: No, I didn’t. I’m just here to hear the end of the story.
Once-ler: Why are you so interested in trees anyway? Why aren’t you like other kids, break dancing and wearing bell-bottoms, and playing the Donkey Kongs?
Ted: Yeah, right, right. I don’t know. Uh, I just thought it would be kind of cool to have one, you know?
Onceler: It’s a girl, isn’t it?
Ted: What? No!
Once-ler: Really? Because when a guy does something stupid once, well, that’s because he’s a guy. But if he does the same stupid thing twice, it’s usually to impress some girl.
Ted: Hey, she is not some girl! She’s a woman, in high school. And she loves trees. And I’m going to get her one.
Once-ler: Aw! How nice to see someone so undeterred by things like reality.
Ted: Thank you.
Once-ler: All right, but where did we leave off?
* * *
Once-ler: Now that’s a Thneed. Nothing unmanly about knitting. No, sir.
Lorax: Look at that… Oh! Who taught you guys how to steal a bed?
Shh!
Okay, nice and easy.
Nice work, you guys. Couldn’t have done it without you.
[However, one litlte cub had climbed onto the bed.]
Lorax: You got to be kidding me. Can he swim? Of course he can’t swim! Hang on, Pipsqueak! I’m coming to get you!
Hey, you fishies! Stop that bed!
Whoo! Whoo!
Jump, jump! Come on, get up there. Come on. Go, go! A little bit more! A little bit more!
Now what?
Mmm-mmm.
Get up there. Okay, Pipsqueak, give me your hand. Come on, reach out for the Lorax. Where did you go?
Bar-ba-loots.
Oh, that’s bad.
Hey, Beanpole, wake up!
What’s happening? Where am I?
Hey! We got trouble, and it’s coming up fast!
Whoo! We’re in a river!
Whew!
Oh, no.
Just do something!
Help is on the way!
No, no!
Just a minute!
Oh, no! Wake up! Wake up! Yuck!
Clear!
Onceler: Ah!  I was heading into the light, and you pulled me right back and here I am! You saved my life!
Lorax: Yeah, I know. Well, no, it’s not that big a deal.
Onceler: It is a big deal! Look, I almost went over that waterfall! Wait… On my bed. How did my bed get in the river?
Lorax: Uh… About that… Actually… I put your bed in the water. I didn’t mean you any harm. I just wanted to calmly float you away. Look, everyone here needs the trees and you’re chopping them down! So, we’ve got a big problem.
Onceler: All right, look. I hereby swear that I will never chop down another tree. I promise.
Lorax: Thank you. But I’m going to keep my eye on you.
Good. Now, I’ve got a big day tomorrow so I’m going to get some sleep. Right after I find my bed.
* * *
Ow!
Okay, what are you… Question, what are they doing here? And follow up, if I may, what are you doing here?
Lorax: Well, after the incident last night, we found one of your socks and came here to return it. But when we got here, you were asleep.
What? Ew! Exactly. And sleeping is the body’s way of telling other people to go away.
Lorax: I know, but you looked so cozy. And it was cold outside, and we just fell asleep. No harm done.
“No harm done”? “No harm done”? Okay. Okay, I put my lips on those. Well, I used to, anyway. Ew. Did you just… In my bowl!
Lorax: [brushing his mustache] Why do you have one of these? You don’t even have a mustache.
Okay, that’s it! 
What? I thought we made a deal last night.
Yes, we did. And I said I wouldn’t chop down any more trees.
And I said I was going to keep an eye on you.
I’m starving. What’s for breakfast? Breakfast is overrated.
You know what? I got work to do. Yeah. I got to go into town and sell my Thneed.
You chopped down one of my trees to make that piece of garbage? Look at that…
Once-ler: “Garbage”? Oh, no. Oh, no! You do not get it. This is a revolutionary product that will change the world as we know it. It has a million uses! Look at this. It’s a swimsuit! Mud tracked all over your floor by uninvited guests? Well, the Thneed sure comes in handy for that! But wait, there’s more! Thanks to its all-natural microfibers, the Thneed is super-absorbent! It also works as a hat. Of course, you probably want to wring it out first.
Go ahead, knock yourself out. But nobody is going to buy that thing.
Good to know. Well, fortunately, you are not the target market, weirdo.
You’re bringing a guitar?
Oh, yeah. I got a little jingle. I’m gonna blow some minds, gonna sell some Thneeds! Yeah.
♪ Everybody needs a Thneed ♪
♪ A fine thing that all people… ♪
Sit down, go on.
***
Onceler: Unfortunately, I didn’t sell it the first day.
***
♪ The Thneed is good ♪
♪ The Thneed is great… ♪
Hey!
Onceler: Or the second day. Or the third, or fourth, or fifth day.
Okay, that one hit the tender spot.
Onceler: [narrating] Until finally…
That’s it! You know what? I’m done with this thing.
Aw.
My family was right. I quit!
Hey. Cool hat.
Oh, my gosh! I totally want one.
That thing makes me like you more.
Lorax: Hey! Where’s your Thneed, did you sell it?
Onceler: Hey. No, no. Didn’t sell it. Turns out, it’s ahead of its time, I guess.
Lorax: Hey, you gave it your best shot. Right? What more can you do? Come on, take a seat, we’ll deal you in.
Onceler: What are we playing?
Lorax: I’m playing poker. He’s playing Go Fish. And I think he’s hungry
♪ Pancake, the pancake ♪
Up!
Who is up for ninths?
Whoa! All right, pass them over.
Yeah, see? What’s going on?
Oh, no. That’s a lot of people.
Song: Everybody Needs a Thneed
Everybody needs a Thneed
A fine thing that all people-
You know what we need? For you to stop!
Yeah, you suck! Yeah
Everybody needs a Thneed
A fine thing that all people need
The Thneed is good, the Thneed is great
Let's hope we're not too late
It's a super trendy hat
It's a tightrope for an acrobat
A net for catching butterflies
Daily use for exercise
Everybody needs a Thneed (a Thneed)
A fine thing that all people need (we need)
Everybody needs a Thneed 
Onceler: We're in business, baby! Mom? Hey, it’s me! I told you I was going to be a success! You need to bring the whole family here right now. We’re going to be rich! What? I’m going to need all the help I can get. Don’t worry.
* * *
Norma: So, has he told you how to get a tree yet?
Ted: Actually, no. But I think he’s going to get to that part really soon. Here we are.
Norma: What? I’ll just be a minute.
Ted: Oh, wow. Hey, Audrey!
Audrey: Oh, hi, Ted! What’s up?
Ted: You know me, just cruising. Putting out the vibe. Just me and my thoughts.
Norma: Oh, is this the girl you’re always talking about?
Ted: Grandma! Stop making things up.
Norma: She’s even prettier than…
Ted: Okay, got to run! Bye. Okay, Grammy, let’s get you home!
Whoa! I’m so sorry. So sorry. Did not wanna see that.
Hey, I’m back.
What have you got there? Yes!
Whoa!
Thank you, Ted. Now, picture this. Sun shining, a blue sky, a perfect day. It was all downhill from there.
****
Grizelda: What a dump.
Onceler: Hey, Aunt Grizelda!
Hey, Chet, check this out! Go long!
Onceler: No, Brett, that’s actually not a… Okay.
Go long! Go long!
I got it! I got it! Got it!
He totally ran into that tree!
Ow!
Oncie, is that you?
Mom!
There he is! There’s my big, suddenly successful son! We always knew you would make it, Oncie. Right?
Hey! I love this guy!
But you always said I wouldn’t amount to anything, remember? Hush your mouth. I was just trying to motivate you!
I am really glad that you clarified that because it actually hurt my feelings for a really long time. Anyway, you’re all here, you all work for me, and that’s cool. So, let’s get to work.
Brett, Chet, set up the RV! Would you stop throwing that bear?
Lorax: Time out. Back up. Stop. Don’t move an inch. Nobody’s moving in here. You got to go. Goodbye.
Grizelda: So, who invited the giant, furry peanut?
Lorax: You calling me a peanut, huh? I’ll go right up your nose!
Onceler: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You wouldn’t hit a woman.
Lorax: That’s a woman?
Onceler: Okay. Everyone, cool it. Let’s not get off on the wrong foot here. Um, family, this is my friend…
Lorax: Acquaintance.
Onceler: Yeah, acquaintance. Very good acquaintance, the Lorax. He speaks for the trees.
Lorax: That’s right. And on behalf of the trees, get out!
Onceler: Will you just be nice! This is my family. And I’m going to need their help if my company is going to get bigger. Okay?
Lorax: Bigger?
Onceler: Yeah, this isn’t some rinky-dink operation anymore. I got plans. Big plans! A vision of a world filled with Thneeds. It’s going to be huge!
Lorax: Which way does a tree fall?
Onceler: Uh, down?
Lorax: A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean.
* * *
Onceler: I mean, look at this. It’s amazing. I am so proud of me.
Oncie, we’ve got us a little problem.
Onceler: Problem?
Mmm-hmm. See, we’re not making Thneeds fast enough.
Harvesting the tufts takes too long!
Onceler: Well, what else can we do?
Well, and this just came to me, we could always start chopping down the trees.
Onceler: What?
Now you’re thinking. That would speed things up!
But…
No “but”s, Oncie. You’re running a business now. You have to do what’s best for the company, and your momma.
Onceler: Well, I guess it couldn’t hurt to chop down a few trees.
You’ve made me so proud, Oncie. Come here!
Hey! I love this guy!
Lorax: No! No, no, no! Stop it! Please, stop.
Take that, you stupid tree!
Where do you think you’re going?
Lorax: Excuse me, sir. I need to talk with your boss.
Oh, I’m sorry, but Mr. Once-ler’s not seeing anyone right now.
Lorax: Yeah, well, he’ll see me. So… Hey, keep your paws off me!
Give me a reason, Shorty.
Lorax: Hey, you broke your promise. You’re better than this. You gotta stop! This is bad!
Have a nice day!
Once-ler: Bad? I’m not bad, I’m the good guy here. He just doesn’t get it. Do you think I’m bad? Thank you! I mean, something good finally happens to me, and he just has to come along and rain on my parade. What’s his problem? See? Yeah, bad! Right.
Song: How Bad Can I Be?
How ba-a-a-ad can I be?
I'm just doin' what comes naturally
How ba-a-a-ad can I be?
I'm just followin' my destiny
How ba-a-a-ad can I be?
I'm just doin' what comes naturally
How ba-a-a-ad can I be?
How bad can I possibly be?
Well, there's a principle of nature (Principle of nature)
That almost every creature knows
Called survival of the fittest (Survival of the fittest)
And check it, this is how it goes:
The animal that wins gotta scratch and fight
And claw and bite and punch
And the animal that doesn't
Well, the animal that doesn't
Winds up someone else's lu-lu-lu-lu-lunch!
(Munch, munch, munch, munch, munch!)
I'm just sayin'!
How ba-a-a-ad can I be?
I'm just doin' what comes naturally
How ba-a-a-ad can I be?
I'm just followin' my destiny
How ba-a-a-ad can I be?
I'm just doin' what comes naturally
How ba-a-a-ad can I be?
How bad can I possibly be?
(Ahhh!)
There's a principle in business (Principle in business)
That everybody knows is sound
It says the people with the money (The people with the money)
Make this ever-loving world go 'round
So I'm biggering my company, I'm biggering my factory,
I'm biggering my corporate sign! (Bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger, bigger!)
Everybody out there, you take care of yours
And me? I'll take care of mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!
(Shake that bottom line!)
Let me hear you say smogulous smoke!
(Smogulous smoke!)
Schloppity-Schlopp!
(Schloppity-Schlopp!)
Complain all you want
It’s never ever, ever, ever gonna stop!
(Stop!)
Come on! How bad can I possibly be?
How ba-a-a-ad can I be?
I'm just building the economy
How ba-a-a-ad can I be?
Just look at me petting this puppy
How ba-a-a-ad can I be?
A portion of proceeds goes to charity
How bad can I be?
How bad could I possibly be? Let's see!
(How bad can I be?) (Buy, sell, trade, squash)
All the customers are buying!
(How bad can he be?) (Pork, fat, cut, smash)
And the money is multiplying!
(How bad can we be?) (Gold, yen, mark, pound)
And the PR people are lying!
(How bad can I be?) (Short, coal, oil, war)
And the lawyers are denying!
(How bad can I be?)
Who cares if a few trees are dying?
(How bad can we be?) (Pork, fat, cut, smash)
This is all so gratifying!
How bad!
How bad can this possibly be?!
So, how are things?
What are you doing here?
Happy yet? You fill that hole deep down inside you? Or do you still need more?
Look, if you’ve got a problem with what I’m doing, why haven’t you used your quote-unquote powers to stop me?
I told you, that’s not how it works.
Right, I forgot. You’re a fraud. I need you to get out. Now!
Lorax: Why? Do I make you uncomfortable? Remind you of the promises you made? The man you used to be?
You know what? You can just shut your mustache. My conscience is clear. I have done nothing illegal. I have my rights, and I intend to keep on biggering and biggering, and turning more Truffula trees into Thneeds. And nothing is going to stop me!
Lorax: Well, that’s it. The very last one. That may stop you.
Somebody sure made a bundle on that thing. I wonder what the next million dollar invention’s going to be.
Young O'Hare: Yeah, I wonder…
Son, you have let me down. Brett, you are now my favorite child.
Once-ler: Hey, look, I don’t want any trouble.
Lorax: And you won’t get any. Not from them. Thanks to you and your hacking, and smogging and glupping, they can’t live here anymore. So, I’m sending them off. Hopefully, they’ll be able to find a better place out there somewhere.
Once-ler: Melvin? Melvin… Hey, Pipsqueak… Hey…
***
Ted: So, this is really all your fault. You destroyed everything.
Once-ler: Yes. And each day since the Lorax left, I’ve sat here regretting everything I’ve done, staring at that word, “unless,” and wondering what it meant. But now I’m thinking… Well, maybe you’re the reason the Lorax left that word there.
Ted: Me? Why would he leave that for me?
Once-ler: Because unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.
[The onceler pulled out a seed and drops it to Ted who catches it.]
Onceler: The last Truffula seed. You need to plant it, Ted.
Ted: Yeah, but, nobody cares about trees anymore.
Once-ler: Then make them care. Plant the seed in the middle of town, where everyone can see. Change the way things are. I know it may seem small and insignificant, but it’s not about what it is, it’s about what it can become. That’s not just a seed, any more than you’re just a boy.
Ted: I won’t let you down.
Onceler: I know.
* * *
Ted: Hey, Audrey! Audrey!
Audrey: Ted? What are you doing?
Ted: Meet me at my house.
Audrey: Wait, but…
Ted: My house, okay?
Ted: Got to plant the seed. Okay, we’re going to need water. And uh, something to dig with.
Um, what do I have… Ted?
Ted: Mom, I’m busy, Mom.
Theodore Wiggins, get down here right now, and I am not kidding with you!
Ted, I would like you to meet Mr. O’Hare, the most powerful man in town.
There he is! Hello, Ted.
Uh…
Hi. Isn’t he clever, Mr. O’Hare? He knows his own name and everything.
You know what I would love right now, Mrs. Wiggins? A delicious cookie. Wonderful. Teddy and I’ll stay here and talk.
Sure, why don’t you go ahead and adopt him? I’m just kidding. That was a joke. I was just joking. I’ll get your cookie.
I know you have it, Ted. So, let’s put an end to this nonsense, shall we? Hand it over.
I’m sorry… I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Really? Well, then… I guess you wouldn’t mind us checking your room.
No, no, no!
Morty! McGurk! Find the seed!
No, you can’t go up there! Guys, this is ridiculous. Stop! Hey! No, you can’t come in my room!
Find it! Find it!
What is going on here?
This doesn’t involve you! Get back downstairs!
Excuse me, down there! I don’t care who you are, you little crazy baby-man! Get out of my house now. This is outrageous.
Fine. Sorry. Must have been a misunderstanding. We’ll be leaving now. And my apologies, Ted. You be safe.
Mind telling me what’s going on here?
Ted: The seed! Where is it?
Seed?
Ted: [holds up the cane] Where’s Grammy?
Norma: It’s alive! I remember you.
Ted, what…
Ted: Audrey!
Audrey: Hey, did you want to… Well, okay! Ted, what is this about?
Ted: It’s about this.
Audrey: Wait, wait, wait.
Ted: Is that… Yes. The last Truffula seed. And you’re going to help me plant it right in the middle of town where everyone can see it.
Audrey: I could just kiss you right now!
Mrs Wiggins: We don’t have time for that.
Ted: I don’t know, we have a little time. But, you know what, let’s just go. Let’s go. Forget about it.
Mrs Wiggins: Ah! Here it comes! I’m going for it.
Mrs Wiggins: Oh, hello!
Audrey: Ted, big scary blimp coming.
O'Hare: You won’t get away with this, boy!
O'Hare: Go faster, you idiot!
Norma: Step on it, Ted!
O'Hare: You’re fired!
Norma: Whoa! Ted, look out!
O'Hare: Nobody beats Aloysius O…
Audrey: Ted…
Ted: This is not good. How’s it doing?
Norma: Haha! Loser!
O'Hare: Oh, really?
Audrey: Oh, no. The seed!
O'Hare: Get that seed!
Ted: Hang on! Here we go!
Ted: Grammy!
Audrey: Seriously, how cool is your grandma?
Ted: Come on!
O'Hare: There it is!
O'Hare: Hey! Watch the road, you meathead! Hey, ow, ow! Oh, come on! What the… Get it unstuck, get it unstuck! Bring it on, Teddy! You don’t have the guts!
Audrey: Ted!
Ted: Grammy!
Whoo-hoo! Yes!
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey! It’s Mr. O…
Norma: Take that, shorty!
Ted: Okay, we have to get this in the ground.
Audrey: But where? There’s no dirt anywhere.
Ted: No, Grammy…
Hey, get out of there!
Hey!
What?
Norma: See, what did I tell you? Easy. Huh?
Woman: Hey, they broke O’Hare’s head!
Woman 2: What do you think you’re doing, kid?
Ted: Um, I’m looking for a place to plant a tree. A real one.
Woman: Why would we need a tree?
O'Hare: Exactly.
Ted: Oh, man.
O'Hare: Folks… The last thing you want around here is trees. They’re filthy! Spewing that sticky, nasty sap all over the place. They bring poisonous ants and stinging bees.
Marie: Hey!
O'Hare: Ouch. Think about the kids. And, I just thought, you know, they make leaves! You know that, right? Then these leaves, they just fall. They just fall wherever they want!
Audrey: Come on! We know why you’re really against trees. Because they produce fresh air.
Ted: For free!
O'Hare: Oh! I am wounded! You have lied!
Audrey: It is not a lie! It’s called photosynthesis.
O'Hare: Come on. She’s making that up! That’s a made-up word, people! Thneedville is perfect just the way it is. We don’t need trees! That boy has a seed. We need to stop him! Who’s with me? Come on!
O’Hare is right!
Seeds will ruin us all!
Stop it!
O'Hare: Last chance, kid. Hand it over! Where do you think you’re going?
Ted: Come on, let’s go! Get in, get in!
O'Hare: Hey! Stop that maniac!
Ted: Excuse me, excuse me. Watch out!
Audrey: Ted, you’re going to hit the wall!
Ted: Yeah. I know.
O'Hare: Wow. Did you see that? Who does this kid think he is, huh?
Ted: I am Ted Wiggins. And I speak for the trees. And the fact is, things aren’t perfect here in Thneedville. And they’re only going to get worse, unless we do something about it, unless we change our ways. And we can start by planting this!
O'Hare: Okay. Come on, now. Everything is fine. Right? I say we tell this kid what we think about that seed! People, come on! You! Get out there right now and get these people on my side, or else you’re fired! Go on, tell them what you think.
Song: Let it Grow
Cy: You don't know me, but my name's Cy
I'm just the O'Hare delivery guy
But it seems like trees might be worth a try
So I say, let it grow
Dan: My name is Dan
Rose: And my name's Rose
Both: Our son Wesley kinda glows
And that's not good, so we suppose
We should let it grow
Mrs. Wiggins: Let it grow, let it grow
(crowd joins in) You can't reap what you don't sow
Plant a seed inside the Earth
Just one way to know its worth
Let's celebrate the world's rebirth
We say let it grow
Marie: My name's Marie, and I am three
I would really like to see a tree
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-lee
I say let it grow
Norma: I'm Grammy Norma, I'm old and I've got gray hair
But I remember when trees were everywhere
And no one had to pay for air (clonks Mr. O'Hare on the head with her cane)
So I say, let it grow!
Citizens: Let it grow, let it grow
Like it did so long ago
It's just one tiny seed
But it's all we really need
It's time to change the life we lead
Time to let it grow
O'Hare: My name's O'Hare, I'm one of you
I live here in Thneedville too
The things you say just might be true
It might be time to start anew
And maybe change my point of view...
(music stops)
Nah! (chuckles) I say let it die!
Let it die, Let it die
Let it shrivel up and-
Come on, who's with me, huh?
Marie: Nobody.
Cy: YOU GREEDY DIRTBAG!
(music resumes)
Citizens: Let it grow, let it grow
Let the love inside you show
(bodyguards strap a jet helmet to O'Hare, sending him flying)
Plant a seed inside the Earth
Just one way to know its worth
Let's celebrate the world's rebirth
We say let it grow
Let it grow, let it grow
You can't reap what you don't sow
It's just one tiny seed
But it's all we really need
It's time to banish all your greed
Imagine Thneedville flowered and tree'd
Let this be our solemn creed
Once-ler: Thank you, Ted.
Citizens: We say let it grow (In Thneedville)
We say let it grow (It's a brand new dawn)
We say let it grow (In Thneedville)
We say let it grow (It's a brand new dawn)
Lorax: You done good, Beanpole. You done good.
By the way, nice mustache.
UNLESS someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.
—Dr. Seuss
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