Temple 43

Chapter 43Kahlan emerges from the sliph and finds herself in a cavern, with a conveniently pre-lit torch nearby. It turns out the "Jocopo treasure" was meant to be taken as literally as possible, since a tunnel off the cavern leads to a room crammed full of gold (plus some random vellum scrolls). It also stinks. Kahlan is uninterested in the gold, instead following the tunnel as it winds up to the surface.
At the exit, she finds Chandelier, who expresses joy at seeing her. Poor Chandelier; he's been brainwashed by Sue-power. She warns him not to slap her face (the traditional Mud People greeting, you may remember), since there's plague where she came from and she doesn't want to infect him. Kahlan taking steps to avoid harming someone? I guess there's a first time for everything.
We're also reminded that Kahlan and Richard are officially Mud People, never mind that they haven't adopted the culture or beliefs, and never behave as if it matters unless they want something.
Anyway, there's plague in Mudtropolis as well, and it seems to have started when a mysterious foreign woman showed some children some pretty colored lights. She disappeared before the Mud People adults (Muddults?) could find her, though.
We also learn that the Mud Elders called a spirit gathering, and the spirit of Chandelier's grandfather appeared and told them he was going to send a message to Kahlan. I guess he really hates his descendants. Anyway, he's still there - the spirit gathering is still going on, which is highly unusual, specifically so Grandpa can talk to Kahlan.
Since she can't really make them sick if they're already sick, Kahlan and Chandelier head off toward Mudtropolis. Arriving, Kahlan strips naked and gets covered with mud so the spirits can see her; she then enters the Youth Hostel along with our old friend, the Bird Man of Alcatraz. After rubbing a "spirit frog" between her breasts, she becomes aware of Grandpa. He's glowing, and yes, that's all the description we get.
Grandpa exposits that the Temple of the Winds exists simultaneously in the afterlife and the world of the living, using a tree metaphor which makes no damn sense. He states that it has been violated, and what was stolen from it must be returned or Bad Things will happen. Specifically, everyone will die. He even helpfully gives Kahlan a vision of everybody dead of plague, everywhere, in towns and cities and even Mudtropolis. Corpses everywhere. Just so many corpses, you don't even know.
Grandpa tells Kahlan that what was stolen must be returned, and "The winds have decided that you are the path of the price." He can't actually tell her the price, or what she has to do, because like all seers and prophets he is completely bloody useless, so I am going to assume the price is "doing the hokey-pokey, in public, while dressed as a banana."
Grandpa tells Kahlan that "there is no way to circumvent or avoid" the aforementioned price, then counter-intuitively asks "that when the winds show you the path, you take it, lest what I have shown you comes to be."
But . . . if it's unavoidable, then she has no choice but to do the hokey-pokey. The grim future of death and stinkiness is guaranteed to not happen, making it utterly pointless. It would be like telling someone "This is what will happen if you don't continue to breathe!" \~/
Kahlan promises to hokey-pokey her heinie off, and Grandpa segues to telling her that in the Spirit World, there are "those existing in the Light with the Creator, and those who are forever shadowed from His glory by the Keeper."
So Heaven and Hell are the same place?
\~/
Kahlan asks if he means there are both good and evil spirits, and Grandpa rather arrogantly replies "That is an oversimplification that nearly obscures the truth, but it is as near as you, in your world, would be able to come to comprehending this world."
No, Terry. I've read your entire series. It means there are good spirits and there are evil spirits, because you don't believe in subtlety, nuance, or shades of gray. \~/
Grandpa continues his infodump, \~/ stating that Sister Amelia got into the Temple of the Winds through the Hall of the Betrayer. The Ancient Wizards created it as a safeguard: in order to enter it, a person would have to irrevocably betray whatever they believe in; in theory, they would therefore no longer have any reason to enter. If that sounds moronic, that's because it is. \~/\~/ In any case, Jagang somehow \~/ managed to force Sister Amelia to betray her oath to Satan while still being beholden to him, thus defeating ancient magic with legalese.
The Hall of the Betrayer is no longer available because reasons, \~/ but "the winds will issue their requirements in conjunction with the precepts of balance," which sounds like it should mean something. There's also a reference to "the five spirits guarding the winds."
Kahlan wants to know how a building can issue instructions, but Grandpa gives her a non-answer, so that was a waste of ink. \~/ Hey Terry! Pointing out the stupidity in your writing doesn't make it go away, you know!
Grandpa throws out a last bit of exposition as he's drawn back to Heavenhell: the plague is getting way out of control, and it will not stay confined to Aydindril and Mudtropolis.
The spirit gathering ends. Kahlan notices that one of the Mud Elders has the plague "tokens" on his legs, and thus will be dead soon. There's a pointless bit of hypocrisy, and the chapter ends.
Drinks: 8
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