Short Story: Random Robberies

Ever like a good mystery? Well this is the next best thing: Random Robberies. Some random guy barges into a house with a machine gun! That's intense! Here it is in a few different stories. Enjoy!
==Story #1==
It's a normal day and a young boy is getting his allowance from his mother.
Mom: Here's your $5, Jonny.
Jonny: Thanks Mom. I'll take real good care of this money.
Out of NOWHERE, a man wearing a mask crashes through the window and starts rapidly firing his machine gun!
Jonny: What the -?! Dwaah!!! (ducks on floor)
Mom: Gah! (jumps out window)
Another masked man comes in through the door and into the kitchen where all this is happening. He steals Jonny's wallet with the $5.
Masked Man #1: (stops shooting) Good night! (jumps out window with Masked Man #2).
Jonny: What the heck was that?!
==Story #2==
At the Money-Con 2010, a banker is suggesting ways to keep money more secure.
Banker: What we need is a sort of device that will not open the safe unless activated by --.
Suddenly, a grenade is tossed into the room!
Banker: How the ---?!
The grenade explodes! Leaving the whole room covered in smoke. A masked man comes in with an oxygen mask and steals all the money.
Masked Man: Mwah ha ha! Take that!
When smoke clears, all money is gone.
Banker: Dang! There goes 1 million bucks in cold, hard cash.
Random Guy: I told you you should've used checks.
==Story #3==
Two boys are having an intense battle and one of them is hanging off the edge of a cliff!
Boy #1: You should've thought about that before you took my sandwich!
Boy #2: But it had honey mustard! And bacon! I'm a sucker for bacon!
Boy #1: (pulls out gun) Well, I hope you rot in --.
Someone taps on Boy #1's shoulder.
Boy #1: (turns around) Do you mind? I'm trying---.
Masked Man: (punches Boy #1, who flies through the air and falls into the dark chasms below)
Boy #2: (looks at wallet on ground) Hey look, it's Boy #1's wallet.
Masked Man: (snatches wallet and runs off)
Boy #2: Hey! I can report you!
Masked Man: (comes back and kicks Boy #2, sending him falling down into the dark chasms below)
Masked Man: I love horrible endings, don't you?
==Solutions==
I can't just leave it like that, can I? No. No I can't. So the only thing I can do is tell you the solution to it all. That way there's no angry mob and Random Kid doesn't boot me off the wiki.
==Story #1 2.0==
Jonny decides he can't just let the thieves run off with his hard-earned money. So he decides to follow them to their evil lair.
Jonny: Wow. That's one big lair. But how do I get in. There must be a bunch of security.
Security Guard: Yeah. Yeah there is.
Jonny: What the --?
Security Guard drags Jonny over to the Masked Man.
Security Guard: Masked Man, this random kid has been snoopin' around the place.
Masked Man: Hey, it's that kid whose house I robbed.
Jonny: (spots his wallet in the Masked Man's pocket)
Jonny kicks the Security Guard in his jaw and punches Masked Man in his stomach with full force.
Masked Man and Security Guard: YOW!
Jonny seizes the moment and takes the wallet out of Masked Man's pocket.
Jonny: As fun as this is, I gotta go. It's been real. (runs away)
Masked Man: Au contraire, Random Kid! (pushes security button)
A group of security guards fall from the ceiling. Jonny is cornered.
Masked Man: Kill him!
The security guards rush at Jonny. Jonny jumps up and the security guards crash into each other. Jonny lands and escapes.
Masked Man: What are you waiting for, fools?! Get him!
The security guards chase Jonny. Jonny hops aboard a random motocycle and drives away. The security guards hop into a rocket and pursue Jonny in a high speed chase.
The security guards blast missles at Jonny. Jonny makes a U-turn and the missles follow.
Jonny: If the missles follow whatever I do, it don't take a fool to concoct the most brilliant plan ever.
Jonny jumps off the motorcycle as it falls down a hill and lands on the wing of the rocket. The missles follow. Jonny jumps off as the missles crash into the rocket, creating a giant explosion.
Masked Man: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
To make a long story short, Jonny gets his wallet back and all is put right.
==Story #2 2.0==
The bankers are lamenting the loss of the million dollars.
Banker: All hope is lost. More importantly, all money is lost.
Random Guy: Instead of yappin' all over the place, you should have just installed the new security while you had the chance.
Banker: You insultin' my way of life, eh boy?
Random Guy: Yeah... Yeah, I am! You got a problem with that, Fatty?!
Banker: I'm fat? Have you looked in the mirror lately or did ya mama break it?!
Random Guy: Ya want a piece of this, Bank-a?!
Banker: Nah, it's probably infected!
Random Guy: That's it! (lunges at Banker)
Banker: (dodges the attack and Random Guy goes crashing through the window and falls to the streets below)
CRASH!
Banker: What a fool!
Random Lady: Hey has anyone noticed the soot from the bombing?
Banker: Yeah. Hey, look! Footprints! They may be from the Masked Man! (follows footprints into a dark alley) The prints stop here. (looks up)
Three shadow figures surround Banker.
Banker: What the --? Who are you?!
Figure #1: We're the servants of Masked Man.
Figure #2: The same guy who robbed the pants off ya.
Banker: (looks down and sees that his pants are missing) Dah!
Figure #3: I'm sure he'd love to know you're trespassing on his property.
The three figures take Banker through a portal to a parallel universe. Banker is put before the presence of Masked Man.
Masked Man: So you've tracked me down.
Banker: Yep. And I want the money back!
Masked Man: How about this: I'll give you something more valuable than a million dollars.
Banker: Fried chicken?
Masked Man: (looks at Banker and realizes he is fat) Of course, you'd say that. Look at your gut! It's huge!
Banker: I'm not here to be criticized for my weight.
Masked Man: Yeah. I suppose. Anyways, TAKE HIM TO THE GULLOTINE!
Banker: Gullotine?! Oh no! Waaaah!
Banker is brought to the gullotine.
Banker: Chop off his head!
Out of nowhere, Random Guy comes out of nowhere and kicks Masked Man in his jaw!
Masked Man: Doh!
Random Guy: I'm here for ya, Banker!
The three figures lunge at Random Guy. Banker is able to escape.
Random Guy: (turns flashlight on the dark figures, thus obliterating them)
Banker: (grabs bag of money and returns to Earth)
Masked Man: Not on my watch! (pounces on Random Guy)
To make s long story short, the money is returned - however, Random Guy never makes it back.
==Story #3 2.0==
Boy #1 and Boy #2 are falling through the air.
Boy #1: This never would've happened if you never took my sandwich!
Boy #2: Well then next time don't make your sandwich so tasty!
Boy #1: I can't not make it so tasty! I just put a lot of good things in it so I enjoy it, not anyone else!
Boy #2: Eh, shut up!! (slaps Boy #1)
Boy #1: Hey! Watch it, Fat Boy! (punches Boy #2)
Boy #2: Eat lead! (pulls out shotgun)
Boy #1: Say, all this ruthlessness reminds me. That Masked Man stole my wallet!
Boy #2: Who cares?! (shoots rapidly at Boy #1)
Just so you know, this is all happening in mid-air.
Boy #1: (knocks gun out of Boy #2's hand and kicks him upside his head)
Boy #2: Dwaaaah!
Boy #1: (pulls out grappling hook and shoots hook at top of cliff; is pulled up)
Boy #1 is hooked up to safety whereas Boy #2 falls to his bloody death.
Boy #1: (lands on ground) OK, now where is that Masked Man?
Masked Man: (tackles Boy #1 and stuffs him in bag) Stay still. ya varmint!
Boy #1: Mmmuuurrfff!
Boy #1 is dragged into a dark alley, where the Masked Man's friends sit waiting.
Masked Man #2: Who'd ya bring this time boss?
Masked Man: (pulls Boy #1's head out of bag) A scrawny, little boy.
Boy #1: Hey! Get me out of this bag and give me my wallet back!
Masked Man: (aims rifle at Boy #1's forehead) Shut up, Kid. You're dinner for us!
Boy #1: Get away from me you cannibals!
Masked Man: (shoots at the sky)
Masked Man #2: What was that for, boss?
Masked Man: I could've sworn I saw a ---.
Boy #2: (comes swinging on a vine and kicks Masked Man)
Boy #1: Boy #2! You've returned!
Boy #2: (frees Boy #1 from bag; punches Masked Man #2; grabs Boy #1's wallet from Masked Man's wallet and hands it to Boy #1)
Boy #1: Gee thanks Boy #2. If you weren't for you, I don't know what I'd do.
Boy #2: Eh, don't mention it. You just owe me a sandwich.
Boy #1 & Boy #2: (laugh)
Boy #2: No really.
And the two friends walk off into the sunset as the evil minions lay unconscious on the concrete floor.
==The End==
And that's it. 3 robberies and their solutions. Look's like you're done now. Go outside and play.
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Category:Stories
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