Abducted

"Abducted" is a normal episode of The Game of Life.
==Plot==
We begin this episode with Mark heading to work. It’s his second training day. He needs to start building a reputation in the community as a friendly protector or hardened authority figure. Where’s the corrupt cop option? Anyway, Mark starts his day off by peeing in the station’s bathroom because he didn’t have the time to before he left. He then has a nap for about an hour because he didn’t sleep the night before. He finally decides to go on patrol at 9:30, his shift started at 8 AM.
On patrol, Mark needs to get to know the community and keep troublemakers in check. He can talk with residents to make either a friendly or mean impression. One of the residents Mark sees is serial killer Jason Voorhees. The game has decided to use him as a regular background character so he doesn’t do any killing, he does, however, end up in a fight with another background character. Mark issues both of them with citations.
There’s a thunderstorm happening so there’s not many other people out and about, Mark decides to head back to the police station at 10:24. He was on patrol for less than an hour. He has enough clues to issue an “all points police bulletin” whatever that is. He’s teleported to some location where somebody matching the description of a suspect has been spotted. The game didn’t tell me what crime was committed, just that a suspect has been spotted. Someone’s naked and showering in the rain, maybe she’s the suspect. The suspect is female, a young adult, wearing a short sleeve shirt and “erratic.” Well, that woman wasn’t wearing anything so it can’t be her. She says that she can’t help Mark.
There’s only one other woman in the area. Mark introduces himself to her and she claims that she hasn’t seen anyone like that. They somehow end up in an argument so Mark arrests her. It’s probably not even her but he’s a cop so he can’t get away with this. There isn’t much else to do now so Mark has another nap at the police station. When Mark wakes up, a man has entered the station to report a crime. He seems offended to be reporting the crime to Mark for some reason, yelling at him “are YOU really going to be taking my report? Have you even taken the tags out of your uniform yet?” This makes you think the crime is serious, it’s just a “weird guy” rummaging through a trash can. Mark decides to take another nap after this.
Despite having low energy, when Mark wakes up he decides to use the treadmill at the police station. He sprains his ankle while doing this. Mark’s shift finally ends, he has been promoted to officer and is making some good money. Back at home, Denny snorts ketamine and Johnny sucks the blood of a woman that he doesn’t like. Denny then starts kicking a ball with Peter, very important scenes happening.
Denny has been accepted to university and celebrates by taking more ketamine and writing a trip report on drug forums.
Holy fuxk.
I don’t know what course Denny does in The Room so I just enrolled him into the language and literature course. Sims university isn’t that fun anyway. Lisa wakes up and immediately complains that she hasn’t been romantic with Johnny for awhile and is wondering what he’s up to behind her back, that’s ironic. Mark also wakes up and has to go to the doctor’s because of his sprained ankle. It’s 2 AM by the way.
Lisa tries to seduce Johnny but fails because their relationship stats are messed up after the last episode. Meanwhile, Mark has to have surgery on his sprained ankle. I decide to use cheats to fix Lisa and Johnny’s relationship because otherwise this is going to take forever. Everything is magically fixed and Lisa and Johnny are ready to have sex. Yay! Uh oh, Lisa talked to Claudette on the phone earlier. 
Here’s a weird thing that happened. When Lisa and Johnny went upstairs for the love scene, they walked past the bed they both sleep in and instead decided to have sex on Mark’s bed.
Both Peter and Denny have been drinking. Peter goes upstairs for a pee and decides to completely ignore Johnny and Lisa’s love scene. Mark's surgery was successful! Some recovery time is to be expected therefore lots of rest will help him feel better. A prescription for pain relievers can be filled via the online pharmacy. Mark’s still uncomfortable so I send him to the pharmacy to get the prescription drugs.
The prescription drugs were codeine.
Johnny and Lisa have finally finished having sex, it’s remarkable what people can do in the time it takes for Johnny and Lisa to have sex. Johnny continues sitting on Mark’s bed, completely naked. Also don’t worry, Lisa isn’t pregnant. They’re not expecting. At some point Lisa walks downstairs naked, Mark reacts in shock and then heads off back to work.
I accidentally sent Mark on patrol, he doesn’t need to go on patrol yet. But when he’s on patrol, he sees two sims fighting.
These are the worst default sims I have ever seen this game create. The one on the right looks like they have Boris Johnson’s haircut. Mark gives both of them citations and heads back to the police station to get a case assignment before heading over to the crime scene. 
At the crime scene he gets witness statements that aren’t very helpful, collects evidence and takes a bath at this stranger’s house. Once he finishes his bath, he dresses up in casual clothing and dusts broken items for fingerprints. He heads back to the police station and someone called Tyler has provided useful information for the crime. I don’t even know what the crime is. Mark analyzes the fingerprints he collected and doesn’t get any info. But when he analyzes the random evidence he collected it gives him a clue. I don’t understand.
Well, there’s not much else to do at the police station so Mark has a pee and takes a nap until the shift ends.
Just before Mark’s shift ends, an elderly woman who was using the exercise equipment dies abruptly. She was a detective at the police station and decided to stop living right when Mark’s shift ended. Now his shift is extended a bit, this is a big inconvenience. Mark decides to plead for this woman he has never met but it falls on Death’s deaf ears. Mark heads home immediately after the Grim Reaper finishes his thing. I didn’t even tell him to, the game did it for me. It knew I didn’t care about this.
Let’s see how the Kong household are… WHY IS IT THAT EVERY TIME I GO TO ANOTHER HOUSEHOLD A FIRE STARTS IMMEDIATELY?!
OK once that’s sorted out Graggle smokes a cigar. He went 5 days without smoking but the fire stressed him out. Not much happens for a few hours so in the night Graggle has another smoke. Graggle then eats some food and has the urge to throw up afterwards. He has caught a stomach bug. Graggle has the perfect treatment for this. Another smoke! And another… And another… And another… And another… He smokes until he gets a buff that simply says he feels “tired” and it’s a good idea to get a checkup. This buff is from smoking, Graggle continues to smoke and ignores it.
The lights go out. Funky goes to pay the bills. I wonder how muc- $5000?! THE BILLS WERE FOR $5000?! Graggle has another smoke, he wasn’t even the one who paid the bills.
Remember the troublemaking children who used to come to the houses and make fun of people and then leave. Yeah, one of the ones from season 1 is back and he’s learned some new powers. Now he’s leaving paint in the backyard. Oh no. SpongeBob is furious about this and rudely introduces himself to the child, shoves and kicks him. This would probably be more serious if the violence didn’t look so ridiculous. When he kicked the child he went straight into the air somehow before landing on the ground. SpongeBob then mops up the pain and the child stays on the floor. I guess he’s unconscious, he stays there for several hours. I never actually saw him go home.
Graggle wakes up the next morning and smokes again, he’s still not getting a checkup. Hallie heads to school and spends most of the time making enemies instead of doing any work. When Hallie gets to class, she realizes her timeline is due, the one she was supposed to start weeks ago. She eyes the stack of papers piling up on her teacher's desk. All she needs is a few minutes alone. Hallie's teacher is busy writing on the board. Shuffling the top paper under her shirt, Hallie excuses herself to the bathroom. A few minutes and several word changes later, she's got a pretty convincing copy in her backpack.
Funky’s logic skill has leveled up, he can now search for “the truth”. This means he’ll use a telescope at night to search for aliens. Funky Kong has gone conspiracy theorist mode, he’s going to be complaining about the safety of the vaccine soon… Or maybe he’ll be DESTROYING the liberals with FACTS AND LOGIC!
After leveling up his logic skill, Funky goes for a 2 hour long jog and completes his bodybuilder aspiration. I don’t know what other aspirations I should give him now. Later that afternoon, a parent of a lost toddler shows up… Hopefully it’s not the same toddler that SpongeBob kicked into the sky earlier. Funky also gets a vague text that simply says “did you hear what happened on the news?” Funky says no and doesn’t get a reply.
Hallie comes home and says that she wants to be a ninja when she grows up. Funky suggests that she practices her hiding. Graggle comes home from work and smokes. That’s it. Hallie has to go to the doctors and Prince Philip stares at a wall scared.
Hallie returns from the doctors diagnosed with… diabetes? OK. At 8:30 PM, Funky starts searching for the truth in a big telescope, the small telescope wasn’t good enough so he needed a big one. Shocking, I know. Funky stays in that telescope until 1 AM, when he needs to pee. He doesn’t see anything unusual, only getting some “prints” from the telescope, whatever those are.
Upstairs, SpongeBob is listening to pop music while having a bath. Prince Philip doesn’t approve of pop music. Hallie goes to school the next day and within a few hours she has started a food fight in the cafeteria. Most of the students join in and the staff are still cleaning up. Funky has to respond to this for some reason, he says “what a natural leader!” I don’t know why SpongeBob is never the one who has to deal with stuff like this.
Funky’s social stats are down so he decides to go on a blind date. He invites someone to the house, Cassandra Landgraab. The Landgraab family are wealthy and own pretty much everything in the Sims world. Funky asks if Cassandra is single. No. She is not, she is married to Malcolm Landgraab. THEN WHY ARE YOU USING A DATING APP?! Despite this, the date continues and Funky even makes a hamburger cake for her. Love is in the air.
The date isn’t successful, in fact the romance bar didn’t even go up until the last few minutes of the date. I don’t think these two get along very well for some reason. Maybe she shouldn’t have admitted to cheating on her husband the moment the date started.
It’s almost 8 PM. Funky gets a text from Cassandra saying she wants to come over, he says it’s OK but 8 PM is the time he needs to go outside to use the telescope to search for “the truth”. He enters the telescope and there’s about 2 hours of nothing happening. But at 10 PM, he spots a weird light. He leaves the telescope to investigate when the light becomes brighter and he begins to levitate. The light is coming from a UFO. Aliens are real. Funky isn’t an insane conspiracy theorist after all. Funky is taken by the UFO and it flies off. 
Nobody seems concerned by Funky being abducted by aliens and he returns to the household at midnight. Funky is dazed, zapped and jolted. Whatever the aliens did has messed with his head. But besides that he seems OK and after having some food he goes to sleep. Everything seems pretty normal.
Graggle finds a pack of cigarettes on the bathroom floor, I don’t know whose cigarettes those were or how long they’ve been in the bathroom for. There’s only 9 in the pack and Graggle smokes all of them, this may be a problem later on.
Funky wakes up holding his stomach. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. There’s a chance when a male sim gets abducted that he can be impregnated but I’m sure that’s not the case here. None of his buffs suggests that he’s pregnant. He probably just has a stomach bug from some weird healthcare mod I installed. Let me check.
Just before I end this episode, you may have noticed that it says “current children: 1”. After a quick check I can confirm that Funky already has a child, a son in fact. I have no idea who this child is, who the mother is and I am absolutely certain that Funky has never met this child. I will continue investigating this and give an update once I have done so. Goodbye. I am very confused.
==Gallery==
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Category:Episodes
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Category:2023 Episodes
Category:The Game of Life
Category:SpongeBot678
Category:Episodes written by SpongeBot678
Category:2020s