December 2022 Prim incident

On December 24, 2022, user PrimitiveSponge129 would enact his plan to travel to the in order to break Santa Claus's legs with the intent of ensuring that Santa's brother Uncle Grandpa would deliver the presents that year. He broadcasted the events live on the SBFW Crib, but unfortunately the incident would lead up to his premature death by a nuke explosion.
For purposes of convenience, all times listed on this article will be in Mountain Time (UTC−07:00).
==Pre-event==
On December 18, 2022, users of the SBFW Crib, Primitive included, came together to watch three Christmas specials for their Christmas movie night event, the first of which was Christmas Special from Uncle Grandpa. The first segment, which revealed that Santa Claus was Uncle Grandpa's brother and had Uncle Grandpa deliver the presents in his place, had made an impression on the users, Primitive included, who made jokes such as calling Santa Claus "Uncle Grandpa's brother". Primitive's fascination with this segment was his primary motive for his attack on Santa.
On December 23, 2022, Primitive would say on the SBFW Crib that he hoped Santa would be injured so that Uncle Grandpa would deliver the presents as he had done in Christmas Special. He would eventually decide to take matters into his own hands, however, as he would also answer on FireMatch's question of the day (what are your plans for Xmas eve) that he would "break santa's bones so that uncle grandpa delivers the presents instead".
==Event==
On December 24, 2022, 2:45 AM, user Thatjess would remind everyone that Santa was going to depart in 15 minutes, to which Primitive would respond "oh i gotta get to the north pole quick and break his legs".
===2:52 AM===
Primitive said on the SBFW Crib that he had just arrived at the North Pole, remarking at 2:53 AM that the bus ride there was "surprisingly short".
===2:54 AM===
Primitive would reveal his mission to the active users on the SBFW Crib at the time, stating that he was going to do a "significant amount of in Santa's Village". Primitive said that he had his weapons ready, but remarked that they were improvised on the spot and created out of due to SpongeBot678 not giving him (a reference to a conversation they had earlier on December 23).
===2:55 AM===
Primitive would elaborate on his mission, repeating that he was going to break Santa's legs in order to ensure Uncle Grandpa delivered the presents. Thatjess reminded Primitive that Santa was about to depart in five minutes, to which Primitive replied that he'd "better move fast! [...] just like [his] ".
===2:56 AM===
Primitive decides to use 's to locate Santa's whereabouts.
===2:57 AM===
Primitive sees a which leads him to believe that Santa is nearby. Primitive then exclaims that he has found him, which was made comical due to DonPaolo posting an "I'M BACK BABY" right before Primitive expressed his surprise. Primitive then realized that this meant Don himself must be Santa Claus.
===2:58 AM===
The whole minute consists of Primitive (with some help of Thatjess) trying to persuade Don to let him break his legs.
===2:59 AM===
Primitive exclaims that "", takes his weapons out, and begins to "chop Santa's people up."
===3:00 AM onwards===
Thatjess says that the sleigh has departed and was off to , asking Primitive if he was successful. Primitive asked Don if he succeeded in breaking his own legs, to which Don replied "Dunno." Primitive then image-searched "crippled santa" with NotSoBot, assuring everyone that he was successful in his mission and that Uncle Grandpa had departed on the sleigh.
==Post-event==
At 3:09 AM, Primitive remembered that he was still at the North Pole after his mission and said that Santa looked very displeased. At 3:11 AM, Primitive said that he was being sent to the ' workplace. Upon suggesting that maybe Primitive had been confused for an elf, Primitive remarked that "the elves try to break uncle grandpa's brother's legs more often than i thought".
At 3:13 AM, upon Existant asking how the could fit near the after one of Don's remarks, replied with "blow it up and move it in there". This gives Primitive the idea to have SpongeBot678 send the aforementioned nukes to the North Pole so that he can blow up Santa's Village and escape. When SpongeBot678 delivers the nukes via , Primitive realizes he made a communication error and actually required SpongeBot678 to launch the nukes instead. Primitive asked if SpongeBot678 had any spare nukes in the basement, but all she had was POOP! The Movie.
At 3:18 AM, Primitive decided to take matters into his own hands and consult on help with detonating his nukes. None of the results were helpful. At 3:19 AM, Thatjess realized that there was an Elf Maker on Google's Santa Tracker, which gave Primitive another idea: to have the users of the SBFW Crib create elves who could help with his dilemma.
The users got to work making elves, with Primitive remarking at 3:24 AM that he could see them coming out of the elf factory. At 3:26 AM, Primitive remarked that all the elves the users had made (including a CeX worker, an "elffellow", and a , but excluding an elf named "bum burr" who came out of the elf factory without a head) were using their elf to detonate his nukes. At 3:27 AM, stated that Primitive had unfortunately not made it out alive.
Category:SBFW Crib
Category:2022
Category:2020s
Category:PrimitiveSponge129
Category:Incidents