The Dad Who Knew Too Little/Quotes

:(Lisa asks Homer for the diary she just saw on TV on her birthday)
:Homer: Lisa, nobody likes a shill.
:Lisa: Just give me the friggin' toy.
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:Dexter Colt: You know, Homer. Ever since I first met you, I always knew I would kill you in a hall of mirrors.
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:Homer: How ironic. Now he's blind after a life of enjoying being able to see.
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:Groundskeeper Willie: (notices Dexter Colt looking in Lisa's Locker) Hey! That's not yer locker!
:Dexter Colt: You know, you're the spitting image of the Aberdeen strangler.
:Groundskeeper Willie: Movin' on. (leaves, whistling innocently)
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:Elliott Gould: Krustofski!
:Krusty: Why, look, it's my celebrity neighbor, Elliott Gould!
:Elliott Gould: Your monkey bit my kid again!
:Krusty : Well, if he would stop wearing the banana suntan lotion...
:[Mr. Teeny looks on, grinning sheepishly]
:Elliott Gould: Say hello to Bob. And Carol. And Ted. And Alice. [punctuates each name with a punch or kick to Krusty as Mr. Teeny continues grinning]
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:Homer: Lisa's pet peeve is...PHONIES? I thought she loved them!
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:Brandine: Cletus, if I find pig lipstick on your collar again I'm not gonna let you sleep in the sty no more.
:Cletus: Duly not
:Marge: Okay Bart and me
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:Marge: Okay Lisa, now open the present from your father and me. (Poles Homer with her arm and Homer gives the present to her).
:Lisa: I wonder what this could be!
:Homer: I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
:Lisa: Could it be some kind of book?
:Homer: Well, Yes and no. (Lisa opens the present revealing to be a cassette tape) Mostly no!
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:(The family watches the video Homer bought for Lisa)
:Narrator: Howdy, partners. My name is Sheriff...
:Homer's voice: Lisa Simpson!
:Narrator: I sure am hungry for my favorite food:
:Homer's voice: McNuggets
:Lisa: I don't like McNuggets, I'm a vegetarian!
:Homer: Still? Then you're not gonna like your other present. (The camera turns and reveals her other present to be a roast chicken)
:(A man in a horse approaches "Lisa" on the video) 
:Narrator: Why, it's my best friend:
:Homer's voice: Maggie!
:Lisa: Huh?
:(Another guy approaches "Lisa" on the video)
:Guy: Bad news sheriff:
:Homer's voice: Lisa Simpson.
:Guy: Some Indians took all the
:Homer's voice: McNuggets! hmm McNuggets aagh...
:Narrator: I'll get this no good Indians as sure as my favorite book is
:Homer's voice: Magazine! (Falls asleep)
:Bart's voice: Wake up dad!
:Homer's voice: Wai..Wha...? (Lisa takes the video off)
:Lisa: Dad, the information is all wrong! Maggie is a baby, not my best friend! (sighs) You don't know anything about me! (Runs off crying)
:Homer: Maggie, you're her best friend, go talk to her! (she stomps and walks away) Oh, what have I done! Children don't remember bad birthdays, do they
:Lisa: This looks good.
:Homer: Yeah!
:Marge: Oh My!
es:The Dad Who Knew Too Little/Frases
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Category:Quotes