Transcripts 2002-12

Transcripts from December 2002 strips.
==December 2==
Panel 1Kingston lies flat on his back, staring into the camera (at the ceiling) in distress.Kingston (thinking): Why am I here? What is my purpose in life?Kingston (thinking): If I asked anyone else, they'd make a crack about ridding the world of dope by smoking it all!Panel 2Side-view of Kingston staring at the ceiling. A bed, bookshelf, and small poster taped to the wall are in the background.Kingston (thinking): I wonder how many people actually think about this? Do pseudo intellectuals and half hippies only think about this crap? Is anyone else in the world at this moment, thinking the same thoughts I do?Panel 3Sybil from The Albion Fuzz / Bohemials stands in front of a brick wall with 'KROS..." graffiti on it and silhouetted buildings in the background. She stares blankly off to the left.Caption: MeanwhileSybil (thinking): Why am I here?Sybil (thinking): I mean the pub has been open for hours, so why am I standing out here in the cold?
==December 6==
Guest comic by Thomas K. Dye
Panel 1A police car speeds down the road.Caption: Background: Mr. Foreman, having just been hit by a car, watched as a police car passed by him without stopping.Panel 2The police car explodes with a BLAM!!Panel 3Al and Norman are standing nearby. Al is supporting himself with a crutch, and Norman is laughing giddily, holding a "BEEP... BEEP... BEEP..."-ing remote control.Al: Na, the one that passed me by wasn't an escort.Norman: Pity! Well I'll just have to try the next one, won't I? Heh heh heh heh.HTML footerOkay, about today's strip (done by Thomas K. Dye of Newhounds): As it suggests, I was knocked off my bike on Tuesday while out for a ride to keep my waist line down. Apparently the silly bitch that hit me wasn't expecting me to go right. I guess she thought I was sticking my arm out to the right for fun or something! Anyway I got clipped and was very rapidly going sideways along the road. Of course the following traffic where kind enough to steer around me! Well it's FAR too mach to ask for anyone to ACTALLY stop to see if I was all right isn't it! (God I fucking hate the human race!) Well I expected Joe Arsehole not to stop, but a Police car? Yeah, a cop car happily drove past while I was crawling up the grass verge to the crash barrier! No blue lights or speeding past or anything, they just blissfully pottered passed me!Am I not important enough to warrant not stopping for? Am sure the police have far more pressing matters such as, say, their lunch, to waste you time stopping for someone who clearly in distress to see if they were okay! However the dumb bitch who knocked me off did stop. My ears where ringing and I was clearly in shock, so the old scrubber stopped to check to see if there were any holes in me, then gave me a bit of paper with "Mel" written on it with a phone number that didn't work when I tried it later. If I were more with it, I would have taken the cow's licence plate (and that of that fucking cop car) but my head was still spinning long after she had buggered off!I checked the bike out, and luckily only the seat and a handle bar cover got torn up because I feel to the left. If I had feel to the right it would have mangled up the drive system which I only just finished replacing last month and got working sweetly! I would have been WELL pissed if that were busted, but luckily there's only £20 worth of damage to it. Mostly for a new seat as the holed one is one of those nice, comfy gel things.Myself, I was too sure at first. Nothing seemed to hurt but I know that was misleading. The human body can do amazing things if it really has to. My body decided that I had to get out from the middle of a main road, and quickly did so as fast as it could while I was still thinking "What happened!". So, amazingly, I took the bike and rode down the minor injures unit at the doctors to be checked over (a sort of first base type thing, if I need hospital an ambulance from down the road would be called). By that time I was thinking more clearly, and also, started to hurt!Unsurprisingly, my left leg took the most of the fall and my knee started hurting. After I was checked over to see if I was concussed or anything I had my knee bandaged up. Nothing seemed broken, just bruised! As I managed to get myself down there it was unlikely anything was, so I was told to go home put it on ice and take normal, off the shelf painkillers.A dragged myself home and after dinner (it didn't stop me feeling hungry) I tried the phone number. Big fucking surprise, it didn't work! I rang the operator and they said it was disconnected in November. I ask for the name of the owner of the dead line (after explaining why) and they said to tell the police as only they can ask for the names of number owners.I did, dragging my butt over the cop shop for all the good it would do. Reported the incident and handed over the bit of paper the bitch who knocked me down gave me. I don't expect much will happen but there you go.Why the guest strip? Well like I said, my knee bloody hurts! It's fine as long as I don't use it or put too much weight on it. So while I'm sitting down like now, it's fine! I can walk around okay, even if it's like Long John Silver looking for his parrot! However, things like shitting down or getting up sting like a bitch. Going to the toilet is especially fun because there is little to hold onto to support myself, resulting in having to use my bad knee.You might be asking, "If you can sit up okay, why couldn't you draw your strip?" Well that's simple: There isn't one flat surface in my room that isn't taken up with something and my rooms too small to handle an artist bench. So I have to sit cross-legged on my bed with a portable technical drawing board.Did you spot the reason in that last sentence? No? Note the words "cross-legged" and have a good old think about it and come back when your IQ reaches double figures!So I asked the Keenspot goons if they would fill in for me for a strip, and Thomas agreed because he's nice!Go read his strip now or something!Oh and by the looks of things, I should be able to do Monday's strip okay, but if you're a strip artist and want a go, hay, don't let that stop ya!
==December 9==
Panel 1Norman is crossing his arms with a smug grin while Richard admires the Christmas tree nearby.Richard: I must admit Norman; that's a nice Christmas tree! How much was it?Norman: That's the best bit! Nothing! I found it in the street!Panel 2Richard frowns, with a "*" appearing over his head.Panel 3Norman grins, impressed, while Richard stares at the base of the tree, unamused.Richard: Uh-ha... Would this be in the middle of the roundabout that's outside the town hall?Norman: Yeah! How did you guess that?Richard: Well the plaque reading "Donated by the Arun Valley County Council", was helpful!
==December 13==
Panel 1Kingston is standing outside and facing right. His breath is forming condensation due to the cold. A neighbouring house is visible in the background.Anne (off-panel): How cold is it out there Kingston?Kingston: I'd say it was a bit nippy! Oh and Anne...Panel 2Kingston turns slightly and glances back toward the house, standing on the front step. An unspecified canine? is carrying a jar of milk in one hand and a basket of milk jugs in the other. The canine is frozen solid, with a distressed look on his face and icicles hanging off his body. A car is parked in the background, with silhouetted houses behind the car.Kingston: The milk's arrived!
==December 16==
Panel 1Richard's ears are just visible at the bottom of the panel.Anne (off-panel): Harder Richard!Richard: Mummph!Anne (off-panel): No! No! To the right a bit! That's it!Richard: *Grunt!*Anne (off-panel): Look, this isn't working! Pull it out and stick it back in!Panel 2Richard is leaning back slightly so more of his head is visible. He has a pained look on his face.Anne (off-panel): No! Use long, hard strokes instead of short, fast jabs!Richard: *Snort!*Anne (off-panel): Look I said slow down or you'll come...Richard: Oracle: GHAAAAAA!Panel 3Richard has a finger in his mouth with a "*" coming off of it, a hammer in his other hand, and a dark cloud over his head. Anne glares at him in annoyance. Assorted construction parts are behind them.Anne: As I was saying, you'll come a cropper with that hammer! God this is the last time we ever buy flat pack furniture!
==December 20==
Panel 1The Three Wise Men follow the Star of Bethlehem up a hill on camelback, silhouetted against the night sky.Wise Man 1 (unnamed): Well Eric got him frankincense and I got him gold. What did you bring him?Wise Man 2 (unnamed): Myrrh!Panel 2Close-up of the two unnamed wise men, who are looking at each other. The vulpine has a skeptical look on his face, while the feline has a neutral expression.Wise Man 1: Myrrh? As in, embalming fluid? You're going to give a child THAT?Wise Man 2: Yeah!Panel 3180-degree rotated view of the two unnamed wise men with the Star visible in the sky. The feline has a stubborn look.Wise Man 1: ...Wise Man 1: You're weird!Wise Man 2: Hay! He'll need it one day!Wise Man 2: Its not like he could walk away from his grave, is it?
==December 23==
Panel 1Sticks is sitting in a chair and reading a newspaper. A wall light and a window(?) showing a cityscape and a boat sailing down a river is in the background.Sticks: Tessa, would you please come and turn the page of my paper for me?Tessa (off-panel): *sigh* Alright! Why did you ask for this as a Christmas present again?Panel 2Same as panel 1, but Sticks is now looking up from the paper with a mischievous grin, and the background boat has progressed along the river.Sticks: I guess it's an android thing! After spending most of my life taking demeaning orders, I get a chubby giving them myself!Tessa (off-panel): *grumble*Panel 3Tessa stands over Sticks and crosses her arms with an angry glare, completely naked except for her hair tie. Sticks looks up at her smugly.Sticks: Now, now! You agreed to be my slave for the day! Now if you'll be a footstool for a while, I might let you put some clothes on... maybe!
==December 27==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
HeaderCopyright detail now says, "Done by Al. Copyright or something, 2002"Panel 1Al is wearing a paper crown from a Christmas cracker and looking ill.Al: BUERRG! *Panel 2Al is leaning forward somewhat and looks even more ill.Al: ooooohg! **Panel 3Al is barely visible at the bottom of the panel, with green splatter splashing upwards.Al: HUURRG?***Panel 4Caption:*Hello there! For the last few days, I've been eating nothing but Twiglets, rich chocolate and cheesy type things and I've only been drinking vodka and soft drinks! This means I feel a little ill, so this strip is going to be shitty! Sorry!**Also, I've been playing Unreal Tournament 2003 almost non-stop since I got it as a present on Christmas day! This means I've also got a splitting headache and my eyes feel that they've been rubbed down with a belt sander!***When did I eat all those peanuts?
==December 30==
Panel 1Richard sits on the couch, leaning back against the armrest with his fist propping up his bored-looking face. He is wearing a white shirt with a "dead" smiley face on it, a bleeding hole in its forehead and Xs in its eyes. The television is on.Broadcast: The scientific community has debunked claims that the world's first cloned baby has been born in the US!Panel 2The same as panel 1, but Richard is shuddering slightly and leaning his head forward, eyes closed.Broadcast: Clonaid, the company making these clams, have yet to put forward any evidence that the child called "Eve" is in fact a clone of her mother.Panel 3Richard has fully fallen asleep, evidenced by a "Z" balloon.Broadcast: It is claimed that Clonaid haven't the equipment or experience to make a clone. Also being founded by a bat-shit crazy cult full of space cadets, didn't help Clonaid's declaration! One scientist noted "I hope for the child sake she isn't a clone!"Broadcast: "Eve could face a shortened lifetime and premature ageing, and worse, look like her horse-faced mother!"
Category:Navigation