Transcripts/Make New Friends but Keep Discord

:Discord: Ohoho, but that's not all! When I went to look for them again, they were on the ceiling!
:Fluttershy: [laughs] Oh, Discord, I've never known anypony as funny as you! I love that story about the time you tried to train your right paw... [giggles] ...to fetch your left leg! [giggles] Oh, I do love our Tuesday teas, and I can't wait for you to meet my friend Tree Hugger. She's going to love you too.
:Discord: Tree Hugger? [laughs]
:Fluttershy: I met her on a trip to see the Breezies. She's a member of the Equestrian Society for the Preservation of Rare Creatures.
:Discord: How nice for you. [chews teacup]
:Fluttershy: We're all gonna have so much fun together at the Grand Galloping Gala!
:Discord: Oh, I was wondering when you were going to ask me. I'd love to.
:Fluttershy: Oh. Oh, no. Um, I'm afraid I've already asked Tree Hugger. I'm sorry, Discord. I assumed you'd have your own ticket since you and Princess Celestia are friends now. Were you not invited?
:Discord: Who, me? It probably got lost in the mail. No biggie, as the foals say. Well, gotta go!
:Fluttershy: But we haven't had any of our Tuesday teacakes.
:Discord: Well, I guess we're just going to have to exclude them from our party this time. Oh, did I say that out loud? I mean, ta-ta.
:[thud]
:
:Spike: [snoring] Gemstones... [snoring] Gah!
:Discord: Where's Twilight?
:Spike: Uh, she's in Canterlot, helping Princess Celestia with the Gala!
:[magic poof]
:Spike: [nervous noises]
:Rarity: Oh, your first Grand Galloping Gala! The excitement, the anticipation! I wouldn't miss this for all the jewels in Equestria!
:Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle: [singsong] We're going to the Gala! We're going to the Gala! We're going to the Gala!
:Applejack: Alright, y'all, keep it down. It ain't like it's a life-changin' experience or nothiiiiing... [tearing up] My little sister's all grown up! [sniffs] [blows nose]
:Rainbow Dash: Hey!
:Cutie Mark Crusaders: [giggling] This is gonna be the best night ever! [screams]
:Discord: I don't suppose that, uh, these adorable little cutie pies have their own tickets to the Gross Gruesome Gala, do they?
:Apple Bloom: [blows raspberry]
:Rarity: Ahem! To answer your rather rude question, they're going as our dates, our plus-ones.
:Sweetie Belle: [singsong] We're plus-ones!
:Cutie Mark Crusaders: [singsong] We're plus ones! We're plus-ones!
:Discord: Yes, yes, yes, I believe I got that!
:Rainbow Dash: Yeah!
:Pinkie Pie: Have a wonderful, special, fantastic day! Oh, hi, Discord. Want some cake?
:[!]
:Pinkie Pie: I can give you a list of all the flavors we have in order of most delicious to incredibly, unbelievably delicious!
:Discord: Actually, Pinkie Pie, who are you taking to... I mean, do you... eugh, oh, you know what? I am famished. I'll take all the cakes.
:Pinkie Pie: All of them?! He wants all of the cakes!
:[kitchenware clattering]
:Discord: Well, I'll need all my energy when I'm dancing at the Gala, if I decide to go that is. Oh, by the way, are you bringing anypony?
:Pinkie Pie: Oh, of course! I was gonna ask my mom, because she's, you know, my mom, but it turned out she didn't want to go, so I started asking around and around and around, and I couldn't think of anypony, and I was about to just go by myself, and I realized, of course! Who loves fancy exciting affairs more than anypony else? My sister Maud!
:Discord: You know what? Cancel my order.
:[magic poof]
:Pinkie Pie: You want none of the cakes now?!
:Fluttershy: [laughing] Oh, my, you are funny!
:Discord: I guess every being in Equestria is funny today.
:Fluttershy: Oh, how rude of me. Tree Hugger, this is Discord. Discord, Tree Hugger.
:Tree Hugger: Radical to meet you. Really digging your vibe.
:Discord: My vibe?
:Fluttershy: It's a compliment.
:Discord: Oh, well, I'm sure it is. Well, I must be off.
:[magic poof]
:Discord: It has nothing to do with seeing you or not seeing you. You can rest assured of that. [laughs]
:[magic poof]
:Discord: Have fun at the Gala!
:[magic poof]
:Tree Hugger: Righteous!
:Discord: "Oh, Tree Hugger. You're such a great friend. So much funnier than unfunny old Discord!"
:[door slams]
:[glass shatters]
:Discord: "No, no, here. Take my plus-one. I insist. Before somepony else thinks he's my friend and expects to be asked instead. What's that? You're worried Discord might be upset?" Not a problem! I can make more new friends anytime I want. It's not as if any of this actually mattered! I don't even want to go to the Gala anyway!
:Parcel Post: [yelping]
:Discord: Are you perhaps looking for me?
:Parcel Post: Are you "Discord or current resident"? I can't find any street numbers in this place.
:Discord: My ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala! I was invited after all!
:[beat]
:Discord: [grimly] Why is this so late?
:Parcel Post: Well, I got a little lost after I escaped the flying badgers... Can you point me in the direction of the bottomless pit? I think I can make my way back from there.
:Discord: Oh, over there. Somewhere. Just go over there. Looks like I'll see you at the Gala after all, Fluttershy. But I can't show up alone. She'll think that she's my only friend. Who could I bring on such short notice? [snaps fingers] [giggles]
:Princess Celestia: I must say, it's been very nice having you take over some of the planning responsibilities for this year's Gala.
:Twilight Sparkle: Anything I can do to make it easier on you.
:Princess Celestia: Thank you, Twilight. I am quite looking forward to just enjoying the Gala for once.
:[fanfare]
:Announcer: Announcing the spirit of chaos, Discord, and his guest, the, uh...
:Discord: [unintelligible whispering]
:Announcer: The Smooze!
:The Smooze: [slithering]
:Ponies: [gasp]
:Discord: Good evening, everypony! What a glorious affair!
:The Smooze: [slurp]
:Discord: He does have a yen for shiny things, the rascal.
:Twilight Sparkle: I'll take care of this.
:The Smooze: [belches]
:Twilight Sparkle: [hushed] What are you doing here with... that?!
:Discord: Now, now, now. The Smooze may be an "it", but it's an it with a heart of, well, blob.
:The Smooze: [slithering]
:Twilight Sparkle: This night is extremely important to me, Discord. [through gritted teeth] Keep it under control!
:Discord: Yes, yes, yes, of course. Tell me, have you seen Fluttershy anywhere?
:Cutie Mark Crusaders: We're here! We're here! We made it to the Gala!
:Fluttershy: [giggles] Really? [giggles]
:Tree Hugger: The aura coming off the waterfall was so alive! So, like, magic manifestation.
:Fluttershy: Wow.
:Discord: Oh, Fluttershy. I didn't see you there.
:Fluttershy: How did you even know to look for an aura on a waterfall?
:Discord: [clears throat irritably, hacks, coughs]
:Fluttershy: Discord! I thought you weren't coming!
:Discord: No. I actually never said that. But funny how you remembered it that way. Anyway, good to see you. Tree Friend, is it? Your name is slipping my mind right now. How strange.
:Tree Hugger: Nice to meet you. I'm Tree Hugger. Blessings.
:Discord: You have met me before actually! [snorts]
:Tree Hugger: Cool! Like, in another life, maybe?
:Discord: You've gotta be kidding. You don't remember me?
:Tree Hugger: [laughs] I meet a lot of different creatures, each one of them perfect and unique.
:Discord: Yes, well, as I was saying, it's just great to be here with my oldest, bestest friend.
:Fluttershy: Am I really your oldest, bestest friend?
:Discord: You? [laughs] Of course not! You think I don't have other friends? I'm centuries old! I was talking about the Smooze! Smooze Face, the Smoozinator – well, I mean that's what we called him back in college. Smooze! I would like you to meet Fluttershy and, um, hmm... Tree... how'd you say it... Tree Embrace?
:Tree Hugger: Oh, I like that! It's so in rhythm with my life force! [gasps] Maybe I'll change it!
:[splat!]
:Fluttershy: [giggles] I can't believe I've never heard you speak of the Smooze before. Sounds like you two are so close.
:Discord: Well, I'm glad you got that, because that's what is true. We are.
:[magic poof]
:Discord: Very close.
:Fluttershy: That's wonderful! The four of us should go out to dinner sometime!
:[splat!]
:Discord: We should all go out to dinner sometime?! Have you no heart?
:Pony: [screams]
:Discord: Oh, oh! It looks like somepony wants to mingle. We'll be back in a bit.
:Fluttershy: Oh, okay. Treezie and I would love to talk to you more later!
:Discord: Treezie? Really? Sort of a juvenile nickname, don't you think?
:[smashing glass]
:Pony: [screams]
:Discord: Smoozie! Wait up!
:Discord: Now, listen, Smooze. I need to make this a party of one for a little while. Just stay out here until I come for you.
:[door slams, lock clicks]
:Apple Bloom, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo and Tree Hugger: [laughing]
:[magic poof]
:Discord: [laughing loudly]
:Tree Hugger: What's so funny?
:Discord: Exactly!
:Rainbow Dash: Uhh... I think we're gonna go hit the dance floor.
:Discord: Fluttershy, tell the Hugs here about the time that we went to the store and came back with two cakes instead of one, because that's how crazy we are when we're together.
:Fluttershy: Um, we went to the store and bought two cakes.
:Discord: Oh. Well, you kind of left out all the fun and frivolity there. But I'm sure you got it, Tree Hugger.
:Tree Hugger: I got that you really like cake.
:Discord: We like each other. That was the point! I'm actually pretty lukewarm about cake.
:Rarity: [muffled screaming] Let me in!
:[thumping]
:[lock clicks]
:Rarity: [gasps for breath] That creature took my jewels!
:The Smooze: [magical hum]
:Twilight Sparkle: Discord! I thought I told you to keep your friend under control!
:Discord: Oh, please. I have better things to do than to watch that thing all night. [laughs nervously] What I mean to say is, that thing is a dear, dear friend, and I'll make sure that the ooze, uh, that he can't help but secrete doesn't get on anypony else.
:[vacuum cleaner running]
:Twilight Sparkle: Thank you. It's alright, everypony. Let's just get back to enjoying this magical evening!
:Discord: [to the Smooze] You are making me look like a fool in front of Fluttershy. I'll be back when the Gala is over.
:[door slams]
:The Smooze: [licks]
:[magic poof]
:Fluttershy: [laughing] Oh, Tree Hugger, I've never known anypony as funny as you!
:Ponies: [gasp]
:[microphone feedback]
:Discord: Check, check, check. Is this thing on? Good evening, fillies and germs! I just flew into Canterlot, and wow, are my interspecies parts tired!
:[rimshot]
:[silence]
:Discord: I've only got these tiny mismatched wings, and even I can fly better than Twilight Sparkle! Am I right? Pchoo!
:[rimshot]
:Twilight Sparkle: Hey!
:Princess Celestia: [giggles]
:Discord: [laughs nervously] Uh, well, perhaps you're into more observational humor.
:[magic poof]
:Discord: Did you ever notice how you always materialize out of thin air? Why not thick air? What's the deal there?
:[rimshot]
:S01E26 Unnamed Earth Mare #1: [coughs]
:Discord: Tough crowd.
:Twilight Sparkle: What is he doing?!
:Rainbow Dash: I think they're... jokes?
:Pinkie Pie: Maud! Jokes!
:Maud Pie: My favorite.
:Discord: [muffled and out of focus] You might be a Ponyville pony when an ordinary night on the town ends in a lesson about friendship! [in focus] Knock knock!
:[beat]
:Discord: You're supposed to say "Who's there?"! This is the most basic of jokes!
:[thud, splat]
:Maud Pie: You're the most basic of jokes.
:[ponies laughing]
:Pinkie Pie: Good one, Maud!
:[colt trembling]
:The Smooze: [slithering]
:Twilight Sparkle: What is that?!
:[ponies screaming]
:[Wilhelm scream]
:Rainbow Dash: [straining]
:[splat]
:[magic zaps]
:Twilight Sparkle: None of my magic works on this ooze! Can you stop it?
:[splut]
:Princess Celestia: I'm afraid not!
:Twilight Sparkle: Discord, how could you bring him here?!
:Discord: Oh, he's not that bad!
:Rarity: Oh, my shoes will be ruined forever!
:Applejack: That's what you're worried about? Really?
:[spluts]
:Tree Hugger: This is kind of a bummer.
:Discord: Isn't it, though? And to think, it would never have happened had I come to the Gala as somepony else's plus-one.
:Tree Hugger: Seems like something might have harshed his flow, you know? Like, his senses are agitated.
:Discord: You don't know anything about rare creatures. I've known Smooze Face for ages. He's not agitated. He's partying down! Whoo!
:Tree Hugger: All he needs is some, like, calming auditory therapy. I know I always feel really at peace when I'm being bathed in positive vibes. Maybe he'll calm down with some sonic bliss.
:Discord: Do you even know what you just said?
:Tree Hugger: Ommmm. Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee! Ommmm. Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee!
:The Smooze: [bubbling]
:Tree Hugger: Let go, Smooze! Bliss out! Ommmm. Ee-ee-ee-ee-ee!
:The Smooze: [grins]
:Sweetie Belle: It worked!
:Everypony: [cheering]
:Rainbow Dash: Way to go, Tree Hugger!
:Fluttershy: That was the most magical thing I've ever seen done with animals!
:Discord: [grinding teeth]
:Tree Hugger: Oh, thanks, everypony. It makes perfect karmic sense why magic doesn't work on him. He only responds to vibrations that peace out his energy fields.
:Discord: Stop it! Stop it! That's it! I'm done with you, Tree Hugger!
:Tree Hugger: Oh, man. You're really bumming me out. Can you just, like, lower your voice a skosh?
:Discord: A skosh? A skosh?!
:[magic noises]
:Tree Hugger: Whoa, dude! What is that?!
:Discord: Relax. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm simply going to send you to another dimension. I can't have you interfering in my relationship with Fluttershy anymore!
:Fluttershy: Discord, stop!
:Discord: I will, just as soon as she's gone! Then we can have a good laugh about this whole affair over our regular Tuesday tea. [sips]
:Twilight Sparkle: Don't worry, Fluttershy! We'll stop him!
:[disco ball bouncing]
:Main cast sans Fluttershy: [screaming]
:Discord: I'm doing her a favor, Fluttershy! It's a lovely dimension! White sand beaches, attentive wait staff... I mean, okay, the humidity isn't great, but where isn't that the case these days?
:Fluttershy: I don't understand why you're doing this! We were all getting along so well!
:Discord: As well as we could, considering you've already stomped all over our friendship by inviting her to the biggest night of the year as if I didn't matter at all!
:Fluttershy: Did you really think I'd abandon you just because I have a new friend?!
:Discord: Yes, because that's what you did!
:Fluttershy: No, Discord! I invited a friend to a party! I didn't abandon you! What if you had a friend that you could discuss chaos-based magic with? Would that mean we weren't friends anymore?!
:Discord: Uh... [stuttering] No, I suppose not. It would just mean that I'd have different friends for different things... Oh, oh, dear, it looks like I've perhaps overreacted just a skosh.
:Fluttershy: More like a lot of skoshes! Tree Hugger, could you give us a minute?
:Discord: I'm just so new at this whole friendship thing. It's so much more complicated than it looks.
:Fluttershy: Do you think maybe you owe somepony an apology? Not me!
:Discord: Oh! Oh. [clears throat] Yes, right. [snaps fingers]
:[magic zaps]
:The Smooze: [slithering]
:[magic zap]
:Discord: Er, Tree Hugger, I'm sorry that you got caught in the middle of my... er, you know... wrath.
:Tree Hugger: Oh, it's all groovy. Um, I need like a few minutes to clear out my chakras before I can hug you from a place of authenticity.
:Discord: Oh, your chakras. [laughs nervously] Fair enough.
:Discord: I owe you an apology, Smooze. I spent the whole evening thinking about my own feelings and never thinking about yours.
:The Smooze: [kisses]
:Discord: Well, friends! I think I may actually grow to like this multiple-friend thing.
:Maud Pie: I like it too.
:Pinkie Pie: Hey, it's not a party until somepony spreads magic-resistant ooze uncontrollably over the ballroom! [squee] Come on, Smoozinator! Let's dance!
:The Smooze: [slithering]
:Twilight Sparkle: I'm sorry, Princess Celestia. I thought I could give you a break tonight, but it turns out I was in over my head.
:Princess Celestia: You have nothing to apologize for. This has been the most fun Gala in years!
:Twilight Sparkle: I know, it was a—What?! But there was ooze all over the place! And one of the guests threatened to send somepony to another dimension!
:Princess Celestia: I know! Can you imagine how dull it would have been if I hadn't invited Discord? Come on! Whoo! The night is still young!
:[credits]
fr:Discord et les nouveaux amis/Transcription
pl:Transkrypty/Stara przyjaźń nie rdzewieje
pt:Transcrições/Faça Novos Amigos Mas Mantenha o Discórdia