Pink With Envy

Pink With Envy is the thirtieth episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the tenth episode of season two. In this episode, Mr. Krabs is going on vacation, and has to close down the Krusty Krab for a few days. A saddened SpongeBob goes to Patrick for help finding employment, and finds a job just for sponges named "Sponges United". Patrick becomes envious, however, of the friends that SpongeBob acquires from his job. What measures will Patrick take to regain SpongeBob's friendship? This episode, is paired with Rolling Stone.
==Characters==
*SpongeBob SquarePants
*Patrick Star
*Eugene H. Krabs (cameo at beginning of episode)
*Squidward Tentacles (cameo at beginning of episode)
*Customer 1
*Miscellaneous sponges
**Sponge 1
**Nerdy Sponge
**Sponge 3
**Sponge 4
**Sponge 5
**Sponge 6
*SpongeBob NoPants (cameo toward end of episode)
*Sponge Security Guard (cameo at end of episode)
==Transcript==
*[the episode begins with a medium shot of the Krusty Krab; the scene cuts to the dining room; SpongeBob is mopping up a puddle of water; Squidward is holding a notepad]
*Squidward: Will this be all for you, sir?
*Customer 1: Yes, it will.
*Squidward: Are you sure?
*Customer 1: [slightly more agitated] Yes, squid. I'm sure.
*Squidward: Are you really sure?
*Customer 1: [angered] I don't have to take this! I'm going elsewhere! [stomps away]
*Squidward: [to self; lies down] Good. SpongeBob wasn't even at the grill.
*SpongeBob: [walks by with mop; turns around] Squidward, did you unlock the janitor closet?
*Squidward: Sure did.
*SpongeBob: [attempts to open door, yet fails] But I can't open it.
*Squidward: Keep trying.
*[SpongeBob continues to try and open the door; Mr. Krabs opens his office door]
*Mr. Krabs: All Krusty Krab employees, please come into my office. [closes door; opens door] Immediately. [closes door]
*SpongeBob: Sounds like Mr. Krabs wants us. Immediately. Do you think it's important?
*Squidward: Maybe.
*SpongeBob: I'll go check it out. [walks out of scene]
*Squidward: Of course.
*[the camera cuts to Mr. Krabs's office; Squidward walks in to Mr. Krabs, sitting behind his desk, and SpongeBob, sitting on a chair; Squidward takes a seat]
*Mr. Krabs: Now, as you all know, being the owner of a restaurant means that you don't get a lot of vacation time.
*Squidward: It means the same if you're the employee of said restaurant.
*SpongeBob: That's the best part.
*Squidward: Shut it.
*Mr. Krabs: So, I've decided to take...[reaches under desk; rises with a Hawaiian-style shirt, sunglasses, and a suitcase] a vacation! In order to do so, however, I need to close down the Krusty Krab...
*Squidward: Yah...[rockets out of ceiling] Hoooo!
*Mr. Krabs: ...for a few days.
*SpongeBob: [hyperventilating] But. But. But. Where will I work? Where will I...flip...burgers?
*Mr. Krabs: Settle down, boy. It'll just be a few days. You'll be fine. [SpongeBob continues to hyperventilate] Or...not. [walks out of office] See you Monday, boy.
*[scene cuts to Patrick's rock; SpongeBob and Patrick are in the living room; they are sitting straight from each other]
*Patrick: Sorry that you are unemployed until next week, SpongeBob.
*SpongeBob: Thanks, buddy. It just feels so bad to be...fur-lowered or whatever it is. [sighs] What am I supposed to do until Monday?
*Patrick: Hey, I believe I saw something in the "J-O-B-S" section of the newspaper today. It's just filled with jobs, though. How weird. [hands SpongeBob "jobs" section of newspaper]
*SpongeBob: [skims through section] Road paver. Clam watcher. Sand whitener. Ah! Here we are.
*Patrick: What kind of job is "Ah! Here we are"?
*SpongeBob: No. This job was made for me, literally. It's called "Sponges United". It's a job just for sponges! Wow. This section really works. I should stop letting Gary [air quotes] use them, if you know what I mean.
*Patrick: Yeah. Uh...no.
*[scene cuts to Patrick, walking down the street the next day]
*Patrick: Lee-da-lee-da-lee. Lee-da-lee-da-lee. [walks toward SpongeBob's pineapple] Huh? [pulls note off front door; reads it aloud] "Dear Patrick, I have found a place of work and will be back at noon.". [looks at watch] What?! There's no noon on here! I need to take this to a shop.
*[SpongeBob enters the scene, laughing with three other sponges]
*SpongeBob: So then, I said to the guy: "I should stop letting Gary use them"! [entire gang begins laughing]
*Sponge 1: SpongeBob, you are the jokebox of the century.
*Nerdy Sponge: Yeah. You make my diaphragm expand and contract rapidly in a laughing manner.
*Sponge 3: See you at work tomorrow.
*SpongeBob: Back at you. See you guys.
*[the three other sponges leave the scene]
*SpongeBob: Hey there, Patrick. What are you up to?
*Patrick: I was waiting for you. Say, who are those other sponges?
*SpongeBob: Oh. Them. They're just friends from work.
*Patrick: You mean "The United Sponges"?
*SpongeBob: Yeah, but it's...uh...never mind. [looks at watch] Whoa. I need to feed Gary! [runs into house] See you later, buddy!
*Patrick: [to self] Buddy. Are we still buddies? Is our friendly-ship in question? [shakes head] No way. SpongeBob's been your friend since as long as you can remember, and that's from yesterday to today. Well, time to get back to my rock. [jumps into rock]
*[scene cuts to the next day, where Patrick is sitting on his couch, watching television]
*Patrick: Daytime television. What's so bad about it? It's...like the pathway to...afternoon television. [falls asleep; wakes suddenly by knock on rock]
*SpongeBob: [offscreen] Patrick! I'm back from work!
*Patrick: [to self] Really? But it's twelve-thirty. [opens rock] Hey, buddy. Why are you late?
*SpongeBob: Oh, the guys at work needed me for an activity.
*Patrick: What's that in your hand?
*SpongeBob: [holds out jellyfishing net] Oh. This? They gave me a jellyfishing net. We were jellyfishing, after all.
*Patrick: Cool. What are those letters?
*SpongeBob: Those are the names of the sponges you saw yesterday: Fred, Der, and Rick. [watch beeps] Oop. Time to feed Gary. It's cool. Fred taught me how to set my watch. What a guy. Well, got to go. See you later, Pat.
*Patrick: [to self] Pat? What happened to "buddy"? En-gravy-ings? And the beeping of watches? I think I've been...been replaced by three other fishes. I've been...replaced! No. I must know for sure.
*[scene cuts to the next day, where Patrick is standing in front his rock, waiting for SpongeBob]
*Patrick: [looks at watch] It's twelve o'clock. Or as others call it...noon. Where's SpongeBob?
*SpongeBob: [offscreen] Right behind you.
*Patrick: [jumps away in fear, revealing SpongeBob] Oh, it's you. Hey, Sponge.
*SpongeBob: Hey, Pat. I'm back from another day at work.
*Patrick: I can see. Hey, what's wrong with your finger?
*SpongeBob: Oh, that's just a ring that the guys gave to me.
*Patrick: A friendship ring? But where's the one I gave to you.
*SpongeBob: The original is always here. [takes Patrick's friendship ring out of his pocket]
*Patrick: You've banished it to the...pocket?! [runs into rock]
*[camera cuts to Patrick's rock; the lights are all off and Patrick is sitting in a chair]
*Patrick: Has SpongeBob moved on? Am I really just the fifth wheel on a bicycle? Well, I refuse to be that. [stands up] I must know for sure. For sure!
*[scene cuts to SpongeBob, exiting his pineapple the next morning]
*SpongeBob: [walks down driveway to the street] Off to work.
*Patrick: [rises from nearby bush after SpongeBob passes] So am I. Or am I? Oh wait. Yes I am.
*[camera cuts to a metal building with the words "Sponges United"; SpongeBob is entering through double doors; the camera cuts to the inside, where a flurry of sponges are running around; once SpongeBob walks out of the scene, Patrick enters, fitted with a sponge head with eyes, yellow gloves with spots; he is wearing black shoes; Patrick is wearing a nametag that reads "Not-Patrick"]
*Patrick: So far, so good. [begins walking down hallway] Hey there, yellow fellow. [waves at another sponge] Nice day to be a sponge, right? [sees an empty office with the name "SpongeBob" on the door] SpongeBob's office. [looks in office] It's empty. Looks like I have to wait for him. [sits on chair]
*Sponge 4: [looks into doorway] Hey! What are you doing in my office?!
*Patrick: [stands up] Huh? But...you're not SpongeBob.
*Sponge 4: Darn tootin', I am! I'm SpongeBob [camera pans out to reveal the sponge in his underwear] NoPants, and what I want to know is why you're in my office!
*Patrick: I...uh...er...uh.
*SpongeBob NoPants: I will have no I's, uh's, or er's about it. There's only one way to settle this! We're having ourselves...an absorbency test!
*Patrick: Absorbency test?
*NoPants: That's right. [hops into janitor's mop puddle] Beat this! [absorbs a large puddle]
*Patrick: I won't beat it. I will just do better. [grabs a water bottle; drinks the entire bottle] Ha!
*[a group of sponges gather around; they simultaneously say "ooooooh"]
*NoPants: Oh yeah, well. See if you can top this! [hops into a tub of water; absorbs all of the water]
*Patrick: [hops into air] Absorbencyyyyyy! [grabs the water cooler; drinks the entire cooler] Beat that!
*NoPants: Uh, well. Uh.
*Patrick: No uh's.
*[the crowd of sponges cheer for Patrick; one sponge steps out of the crowd]
*Sponge 5: This can't be right. Whoa. [walks to Patrick] The only marine animal able to chug that much water in a single setting is a...starfish!
*SpongeBob: [breaks through crowd] Starfish?! [runs to Patrick] Patrick, is that you?
*Patrick: Can't you read? I'm [points to nametag] Not-Patrick.
*SpongeBob: [takes off Patrick's sponge head] Patrick, I know it's you. What are you doing here? At my job?
*Patrick: I'm sure, buddy. It's just that...you came with those three sponges, a jellyfishing net with those en-gravy-ings...
*SpongeBob: Engravings.
*Patrick: And that...that...[begins crying] That friendship ring!
*SpongeBob: [allows Patrick to fall into his arms] There there, buddy. Let it out.
*Patrick: I guess I just got a little gel...gel...
*SpongeBob: Jealous?
*Patrick: Yeah. [stands up] But is it true? Are we really buddies?
*SpongeBob: Of course we are, Pat. Of course. [looks back at sponges] Listen, my fellow sponge bretheren. This job is interfering with my life. It's interfering with my friendship, and with my pet snail, Gary. It is with great regret...
*Patrick: [coughs]
*SpongeBob: Well, maybe not great regret, but with sadness, that I extract myself from the Sponges United business.
*Sponge 6: Good. You were a pain to this business. You're fired. [takes SpongeBob's nametag] Take those two out of here!
*Sponge Security Guard: [nasally] Sorry about this. [picks SpongeBob and Patrick up] Not really. [tosses SpongeBob and Patrick out of building]
*SpongeBob: [lifts head; groggily] You okay, buddy?
*Patrick: That depends. Do I have to dress like a sponge anymore?
*SpongeBob: No, Pat. No. I don't know to be offended or gladdened by that.
*Patrick: Well, at least you get to go back to the Krusty Krab tomorrow.
*SpongeBob: Yeah, about that.
*Patrick: What?
*SpongeBob: Well, the Krusty Krab opened...a week ago.
*Patrick: A week ago?!
*SpongeBob: [gulps] Yeah.
*Patrick: That gives you until tomorrow!
*SpongeBob: Sure, buddy. [both look off into distance] Sure.
*[episode ends]