Just a Run and a Swim Away

The tenth chapter of Total Drama Revolution, posted on August 23, 2011. In the last challenge before the merge, the contestants go on a brutal cross-country race through streets and lakes... and run into a familiar face.
==Story==
Chris is on the dock of Total Drama Island for some reason.
"Welcome to the newest episode of Total... Drama... Athletics!" He then contemplates for a moment. "Whoops."
A weird redheaded boy, a fat blond girl, a scary looking Italian guy, and a hot girl with long brown hair come running past Chris.
"Who are you guys?" asks Chris strangely.
"DOYCE!" says the redhead.
"Ugh, keep moving." says the hot girl.
The fat blond girl trips and smashes her face on the dock.
"'Ey, you okay?" asks the scary Italian guy. He lifts her up and kisses her.
"I don't remember this happening..." says Chris.
The Total Drama Jumbo Jet then comes out of nowhere, and Chris gets in.
Once he's in, he sees a morbidly obese girl wearing all black, a weird psycho with purple hair jumping around, a goth girl with a bunch of cats, a weird hippie, and Chef.
"Chef, what are you doing in here?" asks Chris.
"I'm competin' in this show. I'm gonna win." says Chef.
"What the Heck?" asks Chris.
The jet then vanishes, and Chris and Chef are sent flying out of the plane.
"WHOAAAA!" screams Chris.
The two land in the Australian Outback, and are trampled by a weird guy wearing a Pokemon suit, a little-looking boy who's screaming his head off, an older-looking woman, a girl wearing all pink, a black dude in a basketball uniform, a hot snobby girl, a adventurous-looking girl with a braid, and walking slowly behind them, a rude goth guy.
"Meh..." says the goth guy.
"Come on, cheer up, why don't you?" asks the girl wearing all pink.
"WHERE ARE WE?" asks Chris.
Then, a herd of emus trample past. Chris and Chef hitch a ride on them.
"This is the weirdest intro yet..." says Chef.
The emus run all the way across the ocean to Antarctica.
"Oh, man." says Chef.
They then see a weird dude with dorky hair.
"Is that Dustin Nutria?" asks Chris.
"Baby, baby, baby, ooooohhhhh." says the kid.
"Naw. Dustin's voice ain't that high." says Chef.
Then they see a familiar-looking girl lying on the ground.
"HEATHER! You got your hair back?" asks Chris.
The girl turns around. "Huh?"
"Oh, that's not Heather." says Chef.
"Let's get out of here." says Chris.
Chris and Chef disappear in a beam of light, and are back at Revolution City.
"Where the crap were you guys?" asks an intern.
"Oh, we had something important to do." winks Chris.
Meanwhile, the Platypi are strategizing.
"All right, so Trick is gone." says Chelsey. "Thank god."
Cammy is sobbing in the bathroom.
"Oh, no. We don't want this to turn into what happened with Sierra in the France episode." says Antoine.
"Let's just boot her out..." says Elle.
"She's our next target, fo' sho." says Kavren.
Cammy starts to cry even louder.
"Aw, why can't she just shut up? She's not that chick from the Twinklefog story." says Kavren.
"Yeah, whatever. I hope it's the merge today." says Antoine.
"You idiot, there's eleven people left. The merge is when ten people are left." says Elle.
"Oh, and I'm the idiot?" asks Antoine, rolling his eyes.
In the Bugs' dorm, things are going better.
Vincent is listening to Wazz Khalifa's hit song, "Brown and Yellow."
"Brown and yellow, brown and yellow, brown and yellow, brown and yellow." sings Vincent.
"Yeah. Uh-huh. You know what it is." says Donny.
"Brown and yellow, brown and yellow, brown and yellow, brown and yellow." sings Vincent.
"That's such an inappropriate song..." says Abbey.
"Not only does it talk about bodily functions, there's like a profane word in every other line..." says Mattie.
"Profane? Since when did you care?" asks Ori.
"I am a camp counselor. I have to watch for things that aren't camp appropriate." says Mattie.
"Whatever, maaaaaan." says Tasia.
Abbey says in the confessional, "Tasia. Is. Our. Next. Target."
Chris leads the contestants to an extremely tall hill.
"What is that?" asks Chelsey warily.
"It's a soda." says Chris, pointing to what's in his hand.
"No, the thing behind you." says Chelsey.
"Oh, it's your challenge." says Chris.
"Oh, man." says Chelsey.
"We're going to freaking die now." says Vincent.
"Calm down, maaaaan." says Tasia.
"No, Vincent's actually right." says Chris.
"WHAT?!" screams Ori.
"People have died from running up this hill." says Chris.
Everyone just stares at Chris.
"See those mailboxes? They're actually tombstones." says Chris.
"You're kidding." says Donny.
"Nope. I am legitimately serious." says Chris.
"Well, can't you get sued if someone dies?" asks Antoine.
"Nope." grins Chris. "We have Court-- I mean, our lawyers."
"Whatever." says Kavren. He takes off his shirt and pants, revealing disturbingly short shorts. "LET'S DO THIS THANG!"
Cammy starts to sob.
"Your challenge is to run up that hill. It's two miles long. Then, at the top, Chef will explain the next part." says Chris. "Ready, set, GO!"
Everyone starts to run up the hill, except Cammy, who's walking behind.
"Cammy, catch up. We don't want our team to lose." says Elle angrily.
"Bwaaaaaaa..." screams Cammy.
"THIS ISN'T FUNNY, CAMMY. STOP BEING SUCH A LITTLE--" says Chelsey, and she sticks up her middle finger at Cammy.
Cammy's eyes turn gigantic, and she screams and runs away.
Cammy says in the confessional, "All right, maybe I was overreacting, but I seriously miss Tricky..."
Chelsey intrudes the confessional.
"Get it together." snaps Chelsey.
"All right, all right. Sheesh." says Cammy sadly.
The contestants finally get up the hill, with everyone arriving at the relatively same time.
"All righ'. Here's yo' challenge." says Chef.
"Is it as lethal as this first part?" asks Ori.
"Maybe." says Chef.
"Sounds good, maaaan." says Tasia.
"You guys have to swim across that super dirty lake." says Chef, pointing to a lake.
"Eww, is that poop in the water?" asks Antoine.
Chef begins to whistle.
"Lots of animals go in that water to take baths, an' stuff..." says Chef.
"Ewww." says everyone.
Kavren takes off his short-shorts, revealing swimming trunks.
"LET'S DO THIS THANG AGAIN!" says Kavren.
"Sounds fine, dude." says Antoine, who takes off his hat and sunglasses.
"Ready, go." says Chef unenthusiastically.
Antoine and Kavren begin to swim across the lake.
"This water is actually pretty nice." says Antoine.
"Yeah, I guess..." says Kavren.
"Hey, what's gripping my leg?" asks Vincent.
"I don't know..." says Donny. "Here, lemme check."
Donny puts on a pair of goggles and looks.
"Oh, my, god." says Donny. "Vincent, an ARM is grabbing you."
"Is it a human arm?!" screams Vincent.
"YES!" screams Donny.
Vincent is getting slowly dragged under.
"QUICK, DO SOMETHING!" says Donny.
Mattie jumps into the water, and grabs the arm, twisting it and setting Vincent free.
"Whoo, thanks. Ya really helped me there." says Vincent.
The person who the arm belongs to comes out of the water. He is covered in muck, but the overall shape is seen.
"Do not say a word." he says in a British accent.
Vincent pees his pants.
"Wait, that voice sounds so familiar..." says Mattie. "Are you--"
The figure vanishes.
"That was horrifying..." says Vincent.
"I think that was one of our old friends." says Donny.
"He's, like, showing up everywhere." says Mattie.
Elle is stuck in a tree.
"A little help here?" she asks.thumb|284px|Antoine and Kavren try to get Elle out of the tree.
"Elle, we're in the water. How did you manage to get stuck in a tree?" asks Antoine.
"No idea." says Elle. "Help me out."
A streak of rainbow light flashes across the sky, and a person is heard laughing maniacally.
"Chelsey, gimme some help here." says Elle.
Chelsey is hopping around in the water.
"What's wrong?" asks Elle.
"I just stepped on broken glass." says Chelsey painfully.
"Yeah, you can find a lot o' broken glass in th' water." says Chef from land.
"I like nice girls with gum disease, I like to tickle people's knees, don't tell me no, just tell me yes, and then we'll break..." sings Kavren. "Things made of glaaaaass."
"Another thing you have in common with Arthur." groans Chelsey.
Antoine pulls Elle out of the tree, and she falls backwards into the water.
"Ow..." she says. She stands up, and there's a snapping turtle on her butt.
"That's pleasant." says Chelsey.
Ori is floating through the water.
"Hey. Buddy. You alive?" asks Donny.
"MOM, I DON'T WANT TO TAKE MY PILLS!" screams Ori.
"I'm not your mom, and you don't need pills." says Donny.
"SHUT UP, OLD UNCLE JEFFREY!" screams Ori.
"What is this, a Gerard family reunion?" asks Vincent.
"BLARGH!" screams Ori.
Donny pats Ori's head.
"Eeeeasy." says Vincent.
The Epic Platypi are almost all at the finish line, sopping wet and muddy.
"Elle, hurry up." says Chelsey.
"I'm trying. Relax." says Elle, who's just doggie-paddling.
Antoine comes out of nowhere, picks up Elle, and carries her to the finish line.
"I can see your abs through your shirt, Antoine." says Chelsey.
Elle makes a sexy purring sound.
"All righ', the Plats win." says Chef. "Bugs, go to elimination."
"FINALLY." says Kavren.
Kavren says in the confessional, "I've been thinking a little bit... Bloops. And I realized that I kind of like Chelsey. I know it sounds creepy and disturbing, but she's super hot. And I also know that she's too popular for me, and I'm just a little simple suds. But I think if I try, and show off 'the real me', then I can woo her."
"Kavren, let's play Truth or Dare." says Antoine.
"Nah, I'm good." says Kavren anxiously.
"Ooh, you're blushing. Does that mean you like somebody?" asks Antoine.
Cammy, upon hearing those words, bursts into tears.
"If we didn't win this challenge, she'd be dead meat..." says Elle.
"I think Kavren likes me." says Chelsey.
"Dude, he said he liked Abbey like two chapters ago. Remember, when he was falling down that pit?" asks Elle.
"You can like two people at the same time." says Chelsey. "For instance, I think Sean Neyugn and Spam Hildefrad are kinda hot."
"Those boys are creeps." says Elle. "Sean always eats oatmeal, and Spam shakes it up too much."
"What exactly do you mean by that?" asks Chelsey.
"Uh, I don't know..." says Elle.
Chelsey rolls her eyes.
The Bugs are thinking about who to eliminate in their dorm.
"Guys, I'm seriously scared of Dolph." says Mattie.
"Yeah, man, he reminds me of that one guy in Noahguy202's story." says Vincent.
"You mean the creep who was like third eliminated but then came back and looked like The Riddler?" asks Donny.
"Yeah, him. I'm worried Dolph is gonna turn out like that..." says Abbey.
"You little lizards can think all you want about dumb old Dolph, but I'm actually going to vote." says Ori angrily.
"Whatever you say, maaaaan." says Tasia.
Ori is voting in the confessional. "Mattie. I don't know, she's kind of bland."
Chris is at the elimination ceremony. "Today, I'm going to pass out broken glaaaass."
"It's fun to run, it's fun to--" begins Vincent.
"No, no, no." says Chris. "But you still get the first glass."
Vincent gets his glass.
"Donny and Abbey are also safe." says Chris.
Donny and Abbey get their broken glass.
"Tasia, you're safe." says Chris.
"Sweeeeet, duuuuude." says Tasia. A piece of glass hits her in the head.
"Ori and Mattie. The final piece of broken glass goes to..."
"Ori."
"Never vote for Oriana Slicersun Gerard!" screams Ori.
"Oriana? That's a girl's name." says Donny.
"Uh, I don't think that's our top priority right now... Mattie was eliminated..." says Abbey.
"WHAT?" asks Vincent.
"That's right. You idiots didn't vote, because you were too busy worrying about Dolph. While you were doing that, I voted Mattie." says Ori evilly.
"Ori, you @#$%." says Abbey.
"Well, bye guys. It's such a shame that my experience had to be ruined by some creepy, bipolar girl-boy." says Mattie.
"Girl-boy?!" screams Ori, enraged.
Mattie walks to the Taxi of Losers.
Everyone glares at Ori, except for Vincent and Donny.
"Yeah, she was a little boring..." says Donny.
"NO, SHE WASN'T. SHE WAS VALUABLE." yells Abbey.
==Author's Notes==
*Just like how the previous chapter was heavily inspired by my summer camp, this one was inspired by my high school cross country team. Plenty of the bits and quotes in the chapter (i.e. Kavren's short-shorts, the mailbox/tombstones exchange) came from people goofing around at XC practice.
*The extended intro of this chapter referenced other TD fanfics that were being written at the time: Sprinklemist's Total Drama Athletics, Rhonda's Total Drama What The Heck?, Reddy's Total Drama Outback, and SG's Total Drama Antarctica.
*"Brown and Yellow" by Wazz Khalifa was, of course, a parody of Wiz Khalifa's "Black and Yellow," presumably involving bodily fluids.
*Chris's "It's a soda" line came from a scene in iCarly with Spencer and an ostrich—hilariously enough, it became a meme well after this chapter was written.
*Kavren confessing that he liked Chelsey was meant to be misdirection in preparation for his big romantic scene with Abbey. Needless to say, I didn't pull it off too well and it ended up random and confusing instead.
*Sean Neyugn and Spam Hildefrad, Elle and Chelsey's classmates who always eat oatmeal and 'shake it up too much' respectively, are references to Oatmeal- and Fann Y. Fiction the 2010th, two TDIFF users who vocally adored Chelsey.
*I got rid of Mattie because I thought she was boring, even though looking back, she could've been an interesting character (sort of a snarky-type) if I had bothered developing her at all.