All 25.3 - No Better

"Yo! Hey, Lu!" Lucca turned around to see Cress coming up behind him in the street. "How's it going?" It was around lunchtime, and the druid had left the company of Cheko a bit earlier that hour.
"Hey yourself!" He called back, stopping to wait for the elf to catch up. Shrugging, he added, "Eh, it goes pretty alright, was hangin' out with Cheko for a bit. What've you been up to?"
"Just poking around. This town ain't bad. Not as sweet as the turtles, but, hey, better than all the fuckin' rocks we've had for the last month. Lunch?" he gestured over his shoulder with his thumb.
"Fuck you man!" Lucca growled with a grin, "Gotta fuckin' rub it in, eh? Again. Jerkwad." Chuckling, he added, "And of course, lunch. What kinda question is that, even? What do ya feel like?"
"That question is as dumb as mine," he said, grinning in kind. "There's a place over there that does eggs and pancakes and shit." He turned towards where he had been gesturing, waiting for Lucca to follow. 
The druid gave a short laugh. "Of course there is! Lead on, breakfast-master, lead on!" He shook his head bemusedly, falling into step with the elf.
----
"So, like, I figured 'cause we're in an actual town without crazy shit happening for the first time since we got our bodies back, we should like, celebrate, or something." Cress drank his milkshake and continued, "That we still aren't dead, and passed the teamwork test, and are fucking up the All. Plus, like, I'm owed a birthday party at some point."
Lucca paused in the midst of shovelling a bite of crepe into his mouth, eyes going wide. He stared at the elf for a moment as he chewed, and upon gulping his food down, exclaimed, "Shit, dude! You're right...we totally did miss your birthday...fuck, man, I'm sorry!" He took a sip of his drink, thinking, "Jeeze, it musta been what, right in the middle of that bullshit with the switched bodies, eh? Balls, yo. Frig." He gave his head a shake, looking almost bewildered and apologized again, "But yeah, totally! Those're all enough reason to party on their own...put 'em together, and it'd practically be wrong not to." He grinned as he finished.
Swallowing his mouthful of pancake-wrapped bacon, Cress said, "S'cool, I didn't bring it up 'cause it seemed weird, bein' Mr. W and all. Does it still count as a birthday if it ain't your body's birthday? So I figured, 'fuck it, wait till this blows over'. It's over now, and we aren't fricken dogs, and there's totally beer in this town, so hey, why not, right?"
"Fair enough, fair enough. Certainly makes sense; would be weird as shit, partying as Mr. Webber, eh?" Spearing a strawberry, he inspected it thoughtfully before wolfing it down along with more crepe, "So. Whats the plan? Who we all bringin', where we gonna go? I mean, I figure it's only fair we try foreverybody if we can, but what's your thoughts?"
"Well, it's not a party if it's just the two of us, right?" Cress offered. "So, Mr. W and the doc both party pretty hard, they'd be cool, and I like hanging with Clover. I kind of figured that you'd bring Mr. E. Then it's just Ryu and Cheko, and I'd feel like a jerk not inviting two people if I invited everyone else, though I doubt they wanna come. Maybe Cheko would rather watch Virgil? Someone's gotta, I guess. Or Itzli will. I dunno, I don't know him very well. He just kinda follows Mr. W around. He'll probably watch Virgil if Cheko wants to come? Anyway, I've been looking around, there are a couple decent bars. Pub crawl? See how plastered we can get the old guys?" he asked with a grin. 
"Hell yeah! I can definitely dig that!" Lucca laughed, returning the grin, "I'm sure we can get the geezer comittee on board pretty damn easy, Clover'll probably be down with it, straight up. The other two...I dunno, I don't feel like either of them will be game, but we certainly gotta try. We'll see who is on board, and then worry about who's hangin' with Virg." He cocked his head slightly, "So...wanna divide and conquer? I'll ask Cheko, you talk to Ryu? Or would you rather the other way around? And whoever talks to Mr. Webber can ask about Itzli?"
Cress flicked a strawberry into the air and caught it with his mouth. "Nah, I'll take Ryu. Sounds like a plan," he said, smiling. "Tell everyone when you see 'em. You'll probably find Mr. E and Mr. W first. I know where the doc is, and I'm seeing Clove for training later on. Any clue where Ryu is hiding? I haven't seen him around. I know he's back in his body and everything; I found Clove earlier to set up a time to meet."
"I actually ain't got the faintest clue, to be honest. I haven't seen him either...I guess we'll both ask around, and if you haven't found him by the time we meet back up, chances are I'll have heard from someone?" he finished with a shrug.
"Doubt it," he replied, flicking up a piece of fruit again. "Cloves asked me where he was earlier on. If she don't know, no one does. But I'll poke around anyways. Dude's gonna be even glummer if we have a party and don't invite him."
"Yeah, seriously yo. Good luck with that, then, at any rate. I'm sure you'll sniff him out somehow."
Cress looked as though he suddenly got an idea, then grinned, "Heh. Heh heh. Good idea. He probably didn't leave town, right? I can track him down. Heh." He ate another bite of pancake. "Dude smells like frostburn. Can't imagine anything else does around here. Oh, unless he flew away, that might make it hard. Cross our fingers."
Lucca blinked, pausing mid-chew. "I didn't mean literally, but that works! Good thinkin'!" He  gave an amused snort, sweeping a strawberry through a puddle of chocolate, "I really can't see him having gone far; I'm sure you'll get him that way." He popped the strawberry in his mouth, making a particularily delighted face. "Sounds like we've got ourselves a plan."
"Sure does! Catch ya for dinner, then we'll round up everyone else and hopefully have a good time."
-----------
Sniffing the air thoughtfully, Cress swaggered down another side street. Ryuji’s scent was easy to track: smelled like soap and meat left too long in the icebox, and at this time of year, there wasn’t a lot of competition for similar smells. Luckily for Cress, Ryuji never appeared to have turned into a bird, leaving his trail on the ground for the half-wolf elf to follow lazily through the city streets. His appearance had garnered a few odd looks, a handful of comments and a few questions, but he brushed them all off good-naturedly as he followed the path his teammate had taken earlier.
Eventually, he found himself down a blind alleyway, where a bunch of crates had been discarded. Cress sniffed the air once more, then hopped up to sit on one of the boxes. “Hey,” he said to the alleyway. There was no response. Cress looked around the alley, surveying it. “Kind of a lame place to sit,” he said conversationally. He let the silence linger for a moment before adding, “There are nicer places to hang out, even if it isn’t much of a city.” After another minute of silence, he asked, “...Want to talk or something?...Or we can just chill, doesn’t matter.” There was only the distant sounds of people on the street some distance away, muffled by the brick walls that surrounded the small space. Cress sat for a while, kicking his legs back and forth. Eventually, he started to whistle. “...Don’t you get hella bored just sitting there?” he broke himself off. “I mean, yeah, I get down sometimes, but I still gotta do something. Isn’t that why you like, bake and knit and stuff?” There continued to be no reply from the empty alley. Cress shrugged, and began whistling again. “...I’m not just here to bug you," he paused his whistling without warning again. "I wanted to get everyone together to get drinks and stuff tonight, so I tracked you down. I know you can’t drink or anything, or at least I know now, ‘cause you never actually told me, but the doc can make that magic shit, so you can at least get drunk and hang out with us.” He was met with only the muffled sounds of the adjacent street. Sighing lightly, he climbed up the pile of crates and peered down, to where Ryuji had wedged himself to be out of sight. “Come on. We’ve all been so caught up in the crappy stuff, we haven’t really celebrated anything good in like, ever. Not since we got to Akroum, anyways. I mean, we’re fighting the All off, right? We’ve won every time! They’ll be out of here before the end of the year! Then we all get to go home, and everyone will be safe again.” Ryuji didn’t move or blink, and looked very much like a corpse that had been stashed awkwardly in the clutter, hidden from authorities. Cress frowned slightly, “Dude, I will dig you out of there, if you don’t speak up or something…” When no response came, he shrugged, “Ok, fine. You asked for it.” With that, Cress began to rearrange the boxes, moving them so that Ryuji was free and visible once more. The crates weren’t light, but he moved them with little difficulty, talking idly as he did so, speaking of a block-stacking game he played with Lucca, and about dock-work in Purcell that some acquaintances of his had done. When he finished, he sat down across from Ryuji, who had leaned dispassionately throughout the excavation, lodged between the debris, staring unblinkingly at the ground. Cress looked at him sadly for a few seconds before breaking his gaze. He rubbed his nose with his thumb and said awkwardly, “...I can’t help much, if you don’t give me anything to work with...” Folding his hands in front of him and twiddling his thumbs, he continued, “...It sucks, what happened. It sucks what happened to that town, and what that fucker did to you, and what he made you do. It’s fuckin’ terrible, and we’ll make him pay for it. I only really know what Lucca told me, right, but, I wanna make sure that he’s punished, just as much as you. I know...I know I probably don’t seem like it, ‘cause of who I am and what my mom does, and I don’t bring it up so much but...I do care, about people. I don’t like hurting people, and I don’t like people getting hurt, and I sure as Hell don’t want to let some necrofreak get away with killing...fuck, fucking killing so many people…” He pushed his hair back, and his expression showed his pain clearly. Shaking his head, he continued, “...And trying to fuckin’ slave you, besides. He’s gotta be stopped, like the Firehawk, and the All, and whether it’s now or later, I’m gonna make sure that he’s punished for what he did. And...and I’d like your help, ‘cause I know that you care about it too. That’s why you got caught, right? ‘Cause you cared about those people.” Ryuji’s face twitched subtly, though he still didn’t say anything. Cress looked at him, his head tilted slightly to try and catch the other man’s gaze. When he still didn’t get a reply, he changed topic entirely, “What are you going to do when this is done?” He sat back and swung his legs again, looking thoughtful. “I haven’t really decided. Like, I definitely want to go back and make sure that Mom and Narc and everyone is alright, and I should probably go visit my sisters, ‘cause it’s been years since I’ve seen either of ‘em, but, after that, I don’t know. Like...I don’t know, I want Mom to know that someone can take over her business, right? I think she worries about that, and it’s really the major reason why I’d wanna do the job at all. But like, I really don’t think I’m any good at it. Maybe I should travel more. Mr. Webber’s setting up these teleport circles everywhere. I could see the world, not just Mirilarin, right? Maybe use the god power to help out people after the All are gone. Or, I dunno.” He grinned, “Maybe I’ll run a restaurant or something. Sell waffles. What about you? You’ve got Caitlyn and Shintaro, right? Think you’ll go back to Yeto, or settle in Engiadina? Your wife’s a diplomat, right? Maybe she’ll be diplomasizing between continents instead of just to Yeto and back.” Ryuji twitched again. Cress leaned on his knees, trying to see Ryuji’s face. “What about you? What do you want to do?”
He waited, and waited, and eventually, Ryuji replied. Very quietly, without expression, and with his voice the oddly-discordant sound it was when he spoke without air, he whispered, “...I want to die…”
Cress frowned at this, sighed, then looked thoughtful. “...Well...ok, I guess. Hmm. You can’t die of old age, or like, sickness or something...This sounds pretty awful, but, couldn’t you kill yourself?”
Ryuji was again a long time in answering. “...I can’t. That’s...wrong too.”
“Ok,” Cress said, trying to be helpful and non-judgemental. “So, someone else could kill you?”
“...Curse would spread. I...have to stop it…”
Cress crossed his legs and stroked his chin, squinting as he thought deeply. His wolf ears were pinned back, and his tail swished contemplatively. “Oh!! Ok, I got it!” He said suddenly, ears perking up as he did. “What if you got Mr. Erzebet to do it?” When he didn’t get a response, he explained, “Not, like, now, right? I...kinda hope you weren’t meaning now anyways, but I can get that, not wanting to never die, right? Everyone wants to die sometime; anyone who actually wants to keep on going forever is kinda fucked up. It’s fuckin’ depressing, thinking like you’re gonna outlive everyone. I get that entirely, and I at least still know I’m gonna die eventually, even if everyone I know is gonna beat me three times over. …Yeah, so, if you can’t die unless someone kills you, and you can’t let anyone else get cursed, then you gotta get killed by someone the curse can’t curse, right? Like the werewolf curse! Cloves and Lu and you all got bit, but only I got cursed, ‘cause I was the only one who could. And when Erzebet turned...devil-y, the curse stopped working, ‘cause it didn’t work on him anymore. Only humans can be werewolves.” As Cress spoke, Ryuji slowly lifted his head to watch him speak, a slight expression casting his face. “So, who wouldn’t get cursed by your curse? Things that can’t be undead. And if I got this right...to be undead, you gotta have been alive first, right? The other planes aren’t really alive. You don’t get zombie angels. So...what if, in the future, when you’re good and ready...you just get him to do it? Once he’s dead, and he’s already pretty old anyways, he’ll be a devil and can’t be undeadified. You could make like, a promise or something; he’s pretty good for his word, I think, so he probably wouldn’t screw your soul over or anything, ‘specially if you made him promise something now. Or, really, you could get any summoned guy to do it, right? If it’s not from here, it can’t take the curse, and if the curse has nowhere to go, it’s done, right? You don’t have to live forever, and no one gets cursed! Bam.” When he finished, he looked thoughtful, “...And I guess there might be magic that could turn you into other things that the curse wouldn’t work on, maybe? That might work too. That’s what the doc is trying to do to work around the wolf thing. It’s nothing easy, obvs, but, we’ve been meeting some pretty intense guys, right? If it’s a fey thing, maybe Gemini knows something? Or maybe the angel Julia does? Hell,” he grinned, “you could go back to the island and ask the gods. Nothing is stopping you from climbing the tree a second time, right? The gods gotta be able to do something, and if you save the world, they practically owe you one.”
“...I…” Ryuji’s gaze drifted about. “...I hadn’t…”
He grinned again, “Sometimes, people get all bogged down in the sad shit, and can’t see the upside anymore. S’cool. I do it too.”
“...I’m...I…” Ryuji continued to whisper to no one.
Cress gained a look of pity. Standing up, he moved closer to Ryuji and leaned against the crates. “What’s got you so messed up, man? ...Want to talk about it?”
Ryuji continued to stare. Eventually, he whispered barely, “I’m a monster.”
Cress blinked and frowned slightly. Dropping down into a squatting position, he said, voice low, “Dude...Ryuji, we all are.”
“...I’m…”
“No, fuck you,” he cut him off, turning to look up at him. “Look at me, I’m a fucking half-dog, and I’m going to turn into a dog three nights out of every month until the day I die. Mr. Webber and the doctor too. It’s a fucking curse, a disease, and we’re gonna get treated like that forever. You know there are people who hunt werewolves? Like, that’s their life goal, to just fuckin’ hunt and kill us? Before we hurt people, spread the curse? We’re monsters. You know Lucca, his village has stories about people who can change shape, right? That they kill people and steal their faces and destroy towns. He’s fuckin’ terrified of people knowing he’s not...a normal guy. Afraid that he’s a monster. Clover just fuckin’ started changing. One day, normal girl, looked like you, blonde, pale, brown almond eyes; suddenly, she’s fuckin’ growing taller than her whole family, turning rainbow colours, face all different, making fire and lightning and shit. You don’t think people around her think that’s fucked up? You think she didn’t panic, not knowing what was happening to her, what she was? Wondering if she was a monster? And then you’ve got Mr. Erzebet, who is literally a fuckin’ devil, which is like, what, the fuckin’ dictionary definition of a monster, and anyone who isn’t blind can tell he’s messed up over it. All of us are fucked up. All of us are gonna have a fucked up time from the rest of the world, if they know just how fucked up we are. Everyone ‘cept Cheko is…” Ryuji flinched at the mention of the mimigan, stopping Cress. “Oh, geeze. Is that it? The necrofreak? Dude...dude, no one blames you, right? You know that? You were under mind control, we all know it. Cheko too.” Ryuji didn’t respond, so Cress moved in front of him. “Hey. Hey! Look at me.” He took Ryuji’s chin and moved his face to point towards him. “Look at me.” When he gained Ryuji’s eye contact, he continued, “That was not on you. That was the necrofreak. Not you. You wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t ever attack any of us. I know that, Cheko knows that, we all know that. You gotta know it too.” Ryuji didn’t speak, but he still looked at the other man’s eyes. “That was some fucked up magic, and it sucks, and it’s shitty. That fucker will pay, like everyone else who hurts one of us, like everyone else who threatens people around us. Now we know what he can do, and we won’t let him do it again. We can find...I don’t know, some other magic that can stop him from doing that again. Or we can take him out for you, and you don’t need to worry about it. Either way man, this guy won’t get away with what he did. And he sure as fuck isn’t going to get any further.”
“...It’s...it’s not the same...as normal magic. It was...because of what I am, he…”
“Oh, bullshit,” Cress said gently, dropping his hand. “Magic’s magic. So what, he happened to have the magic that worked on you and no one else? That’s why we’re a team. So that when we’re stuck in an underwater cave, or need someone to scout or sentry or walk a billion miles, oh, or when we need someone to follow somebody all night ‘cause they’re a fuckin’ idiot dog that doesn’t know what he’s doing, then you’re there. And when we get necrofreak here, who hits you under your belt, we’ve got your back. Right? Team!”
“...” Ryuji looked at him despondently, then turned away, “...We’re not a very good team…”
“The fuck you on about?” Cress asked, still smiling good naturedly. “What, ‘cause we’re all fuckin’ messed up? So what, right? So Webber is in too deep in stuff he don’t get, the doctor’s a prick, Lu gets super touchy and Erzebet is the creepiest motherfucker ever; we’re all in it together. Maybe it’s ‘cause I’ve spent most’ve my life ‘round gangs, right? Most people in them are fuckin’ complete jackasses. But, you gotta trust ‘em, right? Even if you don’t like ‘em, you’ve all got the same goal, and if one of you fucks up, you all lose. So, we ain’t best friends. Whatever. Teamwork ain’t about friendship. S’about trust. I know that if I fuck up, you’ll bail me. And when you fucked up, we bailed you, right? Lucca said that Clover wouldn’t let them leave without you. And they got you back. We’d do the same thing again, if it happened. You know that, right? Cloves, Lu, and me, Cheko, Webber, Erzebet and the doc, none of us would fuck you over, ‘cause we know you wouldn’t do that to us, because we all want the same thing at the end.”
“I don’t think…” Ryuji cut himself off, a queer expression on his face.
“What?”
His expression turned sickly. “...I don’t think Cohen...would risk anything for me...but he did...because I made him…”
“What are you...oh,” Cress’ tone dropped dramatically, “the collar thing?”
“He did that...because I told him to think that way...and he can’t…” Ryuji trailed off, looking firmly ill-at-ease.
“I...um...don’t really wanna say anything on that, one way or another…” Cress said hesitantly.
The Yetoman looked about ready to vomit, “...It’s awful...and needs to be removed...I can’t...I can’t do that...not...not like that…”
“Dude, it’s cool," Cress tried to calm him. "You need Caitlyn for that, right? So just...chill out. Doc’s been like that for a while, he’ll be cool a bit longer. Don’t...pass out, or some shit.” With an expression of unsettled panic and despair, Ryuji muttered, “I am an awful...thing…”
“Dude, geeze, get a grip,” Cress said, unsure of how to handle the rapidly declining situation. “You aren’t a...well, I guess you are a thing, everything’s a thing, but you’re a guy, and you aren’t awful, you’re just...kind of a dick sometimes. Everyone is. That’s why you apologize.”
“Apologies aren’t good enough,” he said huskily.
“Sure they are, if you mean ‘em. Isn’t that a thing in religious stuff? Forgiving people for screwing up? I don’t know, my family’s not big into that stuff; you’d know better than me.”
Ryuji shut his eyes, “I don’t deserve forgiveness...for any of it...for being that…”
“Pshh,” Cress made a scoffing noise. He made a sidelong grin as he said, “You don’t get to decide that. I know that much.”
Turning his head slightly to look at him, Ryuji faltered, “...I…”
“Nah, seriously, dude, you don’t get a say,” he said with a waving gesture. “That’s why it’s asking. Duh. You don’t get to decide whether you get it or deserve it or anything. If you’re sorry for something, you ask if you can have forgiveness. You don’t tell someone that they gotta or shouldn’t give you something; you don’t get a say at all, really, ‘cause it’s the other guy’s forgiveness to give, not yours. Not that you really gotta apologize anyways, ‘cause you didn’t do anything ‘sides get hit with a shitty spell, but if you feel bad about it, hey, it usually helps, right?” He shrugged, “So, some shit went wonky. No one died. You can apologize to us for getting smacked by a spell, if it makes you feel better. So you hit us around, Cloves and the doc and Cheko. We all get beaten up all the time, and we got so fuckin’ much magic, it don’t much matter at all. Apologize if you wanna, and we’ll forgive you whether you think we should or not. So Necrofreak made you think some things that were weird or wrong or something. That ain’t you, but, if you apologize to whoever, us or Caitlyn or your god or whoever, I’ll bet they’d forgive you anyways. And if you think the collar’s a dick move now, then take it off and apologize. Or get Cait to, whatever.”
“...What will he do, without it...What would I do to him, now that I’m free of him…” Ryuji muttered to himself.
Raising an eyebrow at the odd comment, Cress shrugged, “Eh. Not much, probably. The doc seems...well, I guess I don’t know what he’s really like, but he seems more like the kind of guy who just gets things done, right? Not really a grudge-revenge kind of guy. Plus, he’s not dumb. He does anything to you, we’re gonna get all up in his grill. He knows that. I dunno. I don’t...really wanna get into it. That’s always been on you guys. It was never really up to the team, right? That was all you and Cait and him.”
Frowning slightly, Ryuji just shook his head slowly. “It was me. It was my idea. I made it. Caitlyn agreed, and he had no choice or warning. I’m no better than him.”
“No better than who, the doctor? Or the necrofreak? Dude, you are a whole fuckin’ lot better than him. He killed thousands of people for no good reason! You save people’s lives! There’s really no argument there. At all.” He watched Ryuji sit silently for a few seconds before continuing, “If you trust the doc enough to not be a complete prick and attack you or Cait, then take it off, ‘cause if you think it’s putting you on Necrofreak’s level...well...you can’t sit and worry about what other people might do, yeah? You gotta worry about what you’re doing. Blaming someone for what they might do is a dick move, and if you’re doing something that your conscience is telling you is maybe a dick move, maybe you shouldn’t do it. If the doc pulls shit, then we’ll all back you, 100%, ‘cause no one is gonna mess with you, or any of us, as long as we’re a team.” Ryuji seemed sullen still; Cress sighed, “You gotta trust everyone more. Trust that we want the best things too. Worst case: getting what we want, which is beating the All, means that we want a team, and want the strongest people in it. None of us care who or what you are, if you’re gonna help. If you’re going to help, it doesn’t matter if you’re a great person or a monster, a friend or kind of a dick sometimes. You’re still a teammate. That goes for everyone, you and me, Lucca, Clover, Cheko, Erzebet, Webber and Cohen too. Sienna and Itzli, Carrot and Caitlyn and Bastion, and even Virg, in his own way. One team, to beat the All and save the world. You gotta trust us, all of us, as a group, and the group will trust you back. I guess...you gotta trust yourself too.” Ryuji sat still a long while, with Cress looking at him with a vague worry. Eventually, he looked over and said with a vague whisper of a smile, “I think you’re a better team player than me.”
“Heh, nah,” Cress said with a bashful grin. “If anything, it’s ‘cause I’m a bigger fuck up, right? I can’t do a whole lot very well, so I have to rely on people a lot more. Guys like, I ‘unno, my brother, and I guess maybe you, you’re great at stuff, so you don’t gotta depend on people very often. When you have to, it’s not somethin’ you’re used to doing. Heh. Pisses Narc right off. He likes doing everything himself.”
Considering that statement, Ryuji muttered, “I don’t…well...maybe…”
Cress shrugged again, “I don’t really know. You know yourself better than I do, right? All I know is, you’re beating yourself up over something, and you probably shouldn’t.” He smiled, “You gotta stop, and you should come get drunk with us, and have fun. We all gotta remember that we’re doing this for good reasons, and that we’re winning. And that I totally made it to 25 without killing myself in a ridiculous accident or something!”
Ryuji perked his eyebrow, “It’s your birthday?”
“Nah, it was about a month ago. Was weird celebrating it in Mr. W’s body though, so I held off. Seems like a good enough time now though! So...wanna come? Get your mind off of past stuff?” Ryuji sat and looked distantly, so Cress asked, “...Somethin’ still bugging you?”
“...Yeah...it’s...I’ll talk to Caitlyn about it...It’s nothing…”
“Looks like something…” he trailed off meaningfully.
“It’s...really, I’ll talk to Caitlyn about it. It’s...kind of personal, I guess.”
“Oh. Right. Gotcha. Come on, come to my party. Please?” Cress put his hands together, pleading, his ears back.
Ryuji looked at him and couldn’t help but grin slightly. “...Alright, fine. For a bit, I guess.”
Cress smiled, and his tail wagged. “Awesome! Meet up at the Spotted Goat at 9 tonight.” He looked serious again for a moment. “Anything else you wanna talk about?”
Ryuji sighed, “...No. No, I’m going to call Caitlyn.”
“But you promise to show up tonight?”
“...Yeah. I will.”
“Excellent!” He hopped up. “I’ll leave you to it then. See you tonight!” With that, Cress began to strut away.
“...Are you just walking around like that?” Ryuji called after him.
“Huh?” Cress looked over his shoulder. “Oh! Yeah, why not?”
Ryuji stammered a bit, then just shook his head and chuckled slightly. “Nothing. See you later. Thank you.”
“No prob! Anytime. And we will totally pay back that necrofreak for everything. Promise.” Cress turned back and walked back towards the street.
“Do you hate me?” It was later in the afternoon, and Ryuji had approached Cohen out of the blue, who had been perusing the local library.
“Well, that’s a blunt question," He replied without looking up. "Why do you ask?”
“Just answer.”
“Hmmm...hard to say. Hating requires slightly more ‘evil’ than I’m allowed to have lately. What does it matter?”
“It’s a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question.”
“That’s only true if you’re an extreme person. If I had to pick though...no, probably not. I don’t like you. At all. But hate? Not really. I hate your wife.”
“How much?”
“I would like nothing more than to never have to see or hear from her ever again in my entire life. If I could forget her entirely, I would. If there was some way for me to go back in time and change events so that I was never around her for an instant, it would be too long in her presence.” Ryuji stood silently, considering this, watching Cohen carefully. He put the book down finally and looked over at the other man, asking, “Why? Why are you asking this? What do you care?”
“...Because I’m sorry.”
Cohen raised an eyebrow, “...What?”
Ryuji looked earnestly and honestly regretful as he spoke, “I’m sorry. I apologize. I...I never really had mind control used on me before. I honestly and completely believed that that collar was the best way to make it so that Caitlyn was safe, so that she could bear continuing, without having to completely get rid of you and upset everyone else. I honestly did only want her safety, her peace of mind, and for us all to be able to do our duty to the world. I didn’t like you anyways, and you deserved something done to you, so I made that collar, and we put it on you so that you could still fight but without us having to worry about you hurting us. But, Caitlyn couldn’t continue anyways, and when she left I wasn’t going to take away her peace of mind. I wasn’t going to force her to take it off when the whole point was to give her back the control that she had lost to you seven years ago. The control that she never got back, couldn’t get back, because you destroyed that for her. And it wasn’t a bad effect. It makes you good, how could that be anything but a good thing? But...but you were suffering under it, you said. When you stole my body, and rebelled and said it was tyranny, I understood what you were saying and knew it must be a punishment, but I thought it honestly couldn’t be that bad. But it is. That...man...took away everything from me, when he took control. Everything I believe in, everything I’ve fought for, everything I’ve always tried to be and do, he took all of that away and made me something different just by speaking, and it wasn’t until I woke up later that I saw exactly what had happened. It was the most horrifying thing I have ever seen or felt, and that’s what I’m doing to you every day. Because you can see the difference, that I couldn’t while I was under his control; you’re watching and feeling yourself be different, not just remembering it, and I...I’m so sorry. I am truly sorry. I didn’t...I should have known, but I didn’t. But...but I worry. I’m afraid, because I hate that man. I think he deserves death, and if I could I would bring it to him. I can not forgive him. And as much as I hate to think that I am like him, as much as I don’t want to make others...you...suffer under that feeling…I worry what you’ll do if I take it off. I worry that you’ll hate Caitlyn and I, and make us pay for that, and I can’t let you hurt her again.”
Cohen watched him dispassionately, but was obviously considering both the words and man carefully. He stood silently for a moment after Ryuji finished, until finally asking, “...What do you want me to say? There isn’t anything. There isn’t anything I can say that I haven’t already, that will convince you that I’m not insane, or willing to ruin myself on revenge and death.”
“I just...need something to trust. I just need to know that Caitlyn will be safe. I don’t want the collar to exist anymore. It shouldn’t exist. I just...need something.”
Cohen sighed heavily. Rubbing his temple, he asked, “...What makes you hate me so much?”
“You hurt Caitlyn.”
“I already told you everything about that. There’s nothing else to say.”
“You tried to kill me.”
“The only thing that stopped you from killing me was the reward, or fear of the government. It wasn’t mercy, or kindness, that stopped you; only inability. Just like it was only the robots’ inability to kill you that stopped me. That is even. So again: nothing else to say.”
“...You murdered people.”
Sighing again, he looked thoughtfully at the floor. Eventually he replied slowly, still looking distant, “...I had 117 subjects, in my experiments. They were all willing volunteers. I had no evidence that things were going wrong. I still don’t. I am my own first subject, after all, and the rampant mutation obviously never triggered in me. Whatever happened to the people in Rapture, I don’t know. I tried to deduce it, but...as I said, I don’t know what went wrong, and I still truly believe that it was their own work. Most of them knew some alchemy, and it would not take many mistakes to escalate to that level of uncontrolled mutation. The most that can be said with certainty is that, had I not introduced the concept, the idea, then they would still be alive. But I do not believe I am wrong in that.
Of the twenty one murders in Losanti...I committed one. I killed the one that killed the others, who pinned the blame on me and who failed in his attempt to kill me first. I took the blame willingly, because there was no sense in running: I would be caught and I would be found guilty, regardless of what my particulars in the crime were, and it was for my pride that I stole what little credit he would have gotten. The media would have minimized me and made him the glorified murderer, a story to scare children and for the confused to idolize, or it would have demonized me all the same and painted him as some sort of attempted saviour or gods know what else. So I buried him. I buried him with his cult and his nonsense and the people he killed, and his name will be forever dirt when all he wanted was it written in the history books. To spite him, and for my role in things and the knowledge that I wouldn’t escape anyhow, I accepted all blame. I do not struggle when I cannot win. I accept and I wait, for better opportunities, for chances to win. I do not, as a rule, like personal risk, or inconvenience. So I murdered one man in defense and I do not regret it, though I admit to having hurt more, and to having no compulsion to avoid it in the future. But it was not out of hate, or bloodlust, or depravity, or whatever else you think I feel.
I hate your wife. She destroyed so much of what I worked for. She is petty. A small person. But I am telling the truth when I say I would be gladly rid of her. Hurting her has no benefit to me, and merely means that I would have to spend more time in her odious presence. Besides, even if there was some sort of revenge I wanted to see her suffer from, there is nothing I could do to her that wouldn’t just come back to hurt me more. There will never be an opportunity where I could hurt her that wouldn't have an intolerable amount of personal risk. You will guard her day and night until she dies, and youand your friends would certainly persecute me for even a hint of betrayal. I gain nothing, and will lose more. And honestly? I don’t think there is anything I’d find more satisfying than merely outliving her and succeeding where she would want me to fail.”
“How could you possibly outlive her?”
Cohen's tone changed, returning more to the sarcastic superiority it generally conveyed. “My ascendant power is an immortality of sorts. I refuse to die until I finish my work. Until I know that I have made mortals better. And no one and nothing will stop me, particularly age.” Ryuji stood stonily for a moment, so Cohen continued seriously, “I will not harm your wife, or you. I will not work against my own best interests for pettiness’ sake.” He grinned sarcastically, “Well, when I have that option, I suppose.”
Frowning slightly, Ryuji asked, “You honestly can’t remain serious for an entire conversation, can you?”
With a sardonic arrogance, he said, “The word you’re looking for is snide. I am always serious.”
Ryuji ignored this comment and said firmly, “...I will remove the collar.”
Cohen looked deeply thoughtful for a moment, before replying, “...I’d believe that if it were your decision, but seeing as how it is in your wife’s hands, I will continue not holding my breath.” Ryuji frowned, a somewhat pained expression in his face, and turned to leave. As he left the aisle, Cohen called after him, “...I suppose that the apology is...appreciated, for what it’s worth. It’s not worth much, compared to the offense, but, still, it’s something. I suppose.”
Ryuji stopped and turned around again. He paused, bowed, and replied, “I am sorry.”
“Then get it removed,” he said, not looking at him and turning back to his book.
“I’ll...do whatever I can.”
Category:Advent of the All