One Pull Up

(The episode starts with Benson having an announcement with Mordecai, Rigby, Pops, Skips. Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost. They are all standing in the park's carpark.)
Benson: Okay, everyone. Unfortunately, the government just passed a new law. Starting today all park employees must pass an annual fitness test in order to keep their job. (The Park members groan.) I know. I know. I don't want to be here any more than you do. So let's get this over with so we can get back to work.(Park members murmur. A montage is shown of Benson writing and ticking off the check list on his clipboard as the park members take their annual fitness test. We see the checklist Benson is ticking off. Benson and the park members are up to the last part of the fitness test, in front of a pull up bar) All right, guys. Last part of the fitness test. Just do one pull-up, and we can get out of here.
(Pops does his pull up with ease)
Rigby: Dude, this test was so easy.
Mordecai: I know, right? What a waste of time.
Rigby: Do you wanna go play some video games after this?
Mordecai: Ye-e-ah, I do!
Benson: Mordecai. Rigby. Quit talking and get on the bar.
Mordecai: See you on the other side. (He walks away and goes does his pull up with ease) Boom!
(Park members cheer for Mordecai except for Rigby)
Rigby: (walks up to the pull up bar) Time to show all you chumps how to do a pull-up like a real man.
(Rigby jumps up and gets a hold of the bar, but struggles to even pull himself up. The park members are looking up at Rigby)
Muscle Man: Whomp-whomp. Wh-whomp... Who-o-mp.
Rigby: Stop talking!
Mordecai: Come on, dude. Quit messing around and just do the pull-up.
Rigby: I'm... trying!
(Rigby tries to pull himself up and swings in frustration that he loses grip of the bar and falls to the ground. Muscle Man laughs)
Muscle Man: Oh, man! You can't even do one pull-up? (points at Rigby)
Rigby: Yes, I can! (slaps Muscle Man away) It was only because you distracted me with that stupid noise!
Muscle Man: Oh, so it was the noise's fault that you can't do a pull-up. Is that it?
Rigby: Yes! Yes! (pushes Muscle Man away) It was that stupid noise!
Muscle Man: Fine. Then go again.
Rigby: Don't make that noise again!
Muscle Man: I won't. I promise.
(Rigby jumps up.)
Muscle Man: Whomp-whomp! Wh-who-o-mp!
(Rigby screams and falls down [and doesn't even touch the bar]. Muscle Man laughs)
Benson: Cool it, Muscle Man. Let's go, Rigby. Just do the pull-up.
(Rigby sighs and jumps up to the bar and struggles to pull up. The park members are surprised at Rigby and Mordecai looks unimpressed.)
Pops: Oh, how embarrassing!
Mordecai: Dude, come on! Let's go already!
(Rigby struggles and whines that he can't do a pull-up. Rigby has a sad face and drops down from the bar. Muscle Man laughs at Rigby)
Muscle Man: (laughs) Oh, man! He can't even do one pull-up!
Benson: I'm sorry, Rigby, but I can't give you a passing grade on the test. If you can't do a pull-up by the end of the week, I'm gonna have to fire you.
(All the park members walk away except for Rigby)
Rigby: But... Whatever, I was just tired! I'll be able to do a pull-up. You'll see.
(The scene cuts to changes to Pops' house and a view of the cover of a video game called Gym Class is shown)
Rigby: Time to warm up with some Gym Class! "Because you know it's better than the real thing."
(Rigby is playing the Pull Up level and is button mashing the controller with ease. The character of Gym Class is doing rapid pull ups. Mordecai walks up to Rigby)
Mordecai: Dude, what are you doing?
Rigby: What does it look like? I'm training to do a pull-up.
Mordecai: Dude, that's not doing anything!
Rigby: If it's not doing anything, then how come I'm already breaking a sweat?
Mordecai: Um, I don't know. Maybe because you're really out of shape?
Rigby: Does this look like I'm out of shape? (Rigby presses the buttons faster and the power meter goes up rapidly. Rigby beats the Pull Up level and goes 'Wooooo!'. The 'Carbo-Load' in the game increases by a lot. Rigby quickly grabs a packet of chips near him and stuffs his mouth with them) Carbo-loading!!
Mordecai: (Mordecai snatches the packet off Rigby) Rigby! You take this seriously right now!
Rigby: Oh, come on!
Mordecai: No! I'm not gonna play your little game, Rigby!
Rigby: You always say no to my face. (pulls out his walkie talkie and presses the talk button) Benson, I'm ready to do my pull-up now.
(Scene changes to all the park members at the pull-up bar)
Benson: All right. Let's get this over with.
Rigby: Here's how we do it in Gym Class, losers.
(Rigby jumps up to the bar. Rigby's arms are shaking)
Benson: Well?
Rigby: I'm trying!
(Benson, Skips and Pops laugh at Rigby, who is struggling on the pull up bar)
Mordecai: Let's go, Rigby. Now! Move it!
(Rigby struggles and drops down in front of Benson, sighing)
Benson: (stern voice) You have until Friday. (walks away)
(Scene changes to Rigby at the coffee shop by himself with a cup of coffee. Eileen walks up to him with a coffee jug)
Eileen: Hey, Rigby. Is anything wrong?
Rigby: (takes a quick sip of coffee, speaking in an aggressive tone) No, I'm fine.
Eileen: Are you upset 'cause you can't do a pull-up and you might get fired?
Rigby: What?! Who told you that?
Eileen: Muscle Man was in here earlier. He was selling tickets to watch you fail.
(A tear off poster is seen with Rigby on it, naming him 'The Weakest Man in the World', and has been torn off twice)
Rigby: (groans) Maybe he's right. I can't believe I'm gonna lose my job over a stupid pull-up.
Eileen: You know, maybe I can help you. I was on the pep squad in high school.
Rigby: (scoffs) Thanks, Eileen, but I'm gonna need a lot more than pep to do a pull-up.
(Eileen pulls a shop stool and jumps off that, then off the table and grabs ahold of a pipe and does a few pull ups with ease and jumps off back onto the floor. She then pours more coffee into Rigby's cup with the coffee jug. Rigby looks at her in shock)
Eileen: Training starts after my shift. (walks away with the coffee jug)
(Scene changes to night at the coffee shop, and Eileen changes the sign from 'Open' to 'Closed'. She walks up to Rigby who is standing on a stool in the passageway, with a bar in between the entrance)
Eileen: All right! Give it a try!
(Rigby jumps up to the bar but struggles)
Rigby: (straining) Ugh, this is too hard.
Eileen: I think I see the problem. You're not visualizing your own success.
Rigby: Huh?
Eileen: You need to see it. Close your eyes.
(Rigby closes his eyes)
Eileen: Now visualize yourself doing a pull-up.
(Rigby opens his eyes)
Rigby: I can't.
Eileen: Come on, you're not trying! Close your eyes and really concentrate. What do you see?
(Rigby closes his eyes and opens them)
Rigby: A grilled cheese sandwich.
Eileen: Okay, okay. Picture that sandwich. Now picture your goal -- doing that one pull up.
(Rigby closes his eyes)
Eileen: Can you see it?
(We see Rigby's visualization. A grilled cheese sandwich is rolling across the scene. The character of Gym Class scrolls across. Muscle Man's head scrolls making the stupid noise and Rigby's fist punches Muscle Man's head. The head says 'Not cool bro'. Eileen saying 'One pull up. Can you see it?' is echoing. Rigby's arm waves around and turns into a pull up bar. Rigby is pulling himself up, and zooms out to the real life)
Rigby: Look! I'm almost -- (drops down) Man, I almost had it!
Eileen: (nods) We'll get there.
(Eileen and Rigby are dressed in their gym clothes, and a montage is shown of them training for the pull up. Rigby is now hanging onto the bar and Eileen is in front of him)
Eileen: Come on, Rigby. We're almost out of time! You can do this!
Rigby: I can do this!
Eileen: (chanting) One pull-up! One pull-up!
Rigby: One pull-UP! (struggles and drops down. Rigby takes off his beanie and throws it down on the ground) This is hopeless! I'm never gonna be able to do this!
(Rigby runs out of the coffee shop and Eileen runs after him)
Eileen: Rigby! Rigby, wait! (stands at the coffee shop entrance) I know you can do it.
(Cut to Rigby without his gym clothes walking in town)
Rigby: This is so lame! Lame government fitness test! Lame arms! Why's it got to be so hard?!
(Rigby stops at a shop with its light on and the TV at the wall. The TV is showing an advertisement)
Man on Advertisement: (Russian accent) Feeling weak? Looking pathetic? If you're watching television, you probably are! Luckily, this TV commercial can save you! If you want muscle fast, but hate working out, then you need The Russian!
Rigby: Yeah, I do.
Man: The Russian uses electrotherapy to shock your muscles into growing. There's no effort from you. Just switch it on and you'll be stronger in no time
(Men on TV are using The Russian and suddenly have muscles)
Man: Thank you, The Russian! (karate chops chair with ease)
Rigby: Ahh yeah! That's exactly what I need. (The scene then cuts to Pops' house at night and Rigby puts the box of The Russian on the living room table. Rigby takes off the lid of The Russian. He takes the instructions from the box.) Do not operate The Russian for more than ten minutes a day. Pfft. (throws instructions out). Well, I wanna get extra bulk! So I'll need it on for eleven. (Rigby puts The Russian pads on his body and flips the switch and turns on the knob to 11. The machine buzzes) Those jerks better buy their tickets for the gun show tomorrow! (Rigby jumps on the couch, turns on the TV and grabs the packet of chips and starts eating them.) Thanks, The Russian! (falls asleep)
(The scene changes to day where the park members and Eileen at the pull up bar, except for Rigby. Benson looks at his watch)
Benson: Where the heck is Rigby? We're almost out of time!
Pops: Maybe his nerves got the better of him.
Mordecai: No, he'll be here.
Muscle Man: He better. 'Cause I got a lot of people here who paid good money to watch him try. (Zooms out and an audience is behind Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost) Let me remind you -- there are no refunds in the event of a no-show.
(Crowd mutters)
Eileen: This is weird. Rigby trained really hard for this. He wouldn't just blow it off. I'll go check on him (runs off to Pops' house and opens the door) Rigby? Oh, there you are. (walks in) You got to – (Eileen screams. Rigby is seen with huge muscles and he gasps)
Rigby: It worked!
Eileen: What did you do?!
Rigby: I used The Russian to get totally ripped! This is awesome! Now to go bust out my pull-up!
(Rigby gets off the sofa and breaks the sofa and floor)
Rigby: Huh? (tries to get down and breaks the table, The Russian and more of the floor) My muscles are too heavy! I can't stand up!
Eileen: Oh, Rigby, there are no shortcuts to physical fitness.
Rigby: Oh, no, I'm gonna lose my job! (struggles to get up and drops down) No, no, no, no! (slaps the ground and breaks more. Rigby sighs)
Eileen: Come on, you can still make it.
(Eileen tries to pull Rigby)
Rigby: Aw, it's hopeless!
Eileen: No, it's not! There's still time! Do what I say! Close your eyes!
(Rigby closes his eyes)
Eileen: Now picture that pull-up bar! Do you see it?
(We see Rigby's visualization. The mist clears out and the pull-up bar at the park is seen)
Rigby: I see it! I see the pull-up bar!
Eileen: Then go do it!!
(Rigby screams and uses his arms to get out of the house)
Eileen: You're doing it! Just use your arms! Keep going! That's it!
(Rigby gets out of the house and Eileen runs after him)
Benson: (holding the stopwatch) Pfft, he's late!
(Benson puts down his stopwatch and reveals Rigby and Eileen running to the pull-up bar)
Benson: What is that?
(The rest of the park members talk amongst themselves)
Mordecai: It's Rigby!
(Rigby uses his arms to get to the pull-up bar and screams)
Benson: You've only got 30 seconds left!
(The crowd cheers for Rigby, who climbs up the pull-up bar sides, and the ground starts cracking. Rigby gets to the pull up bar.)
Rigby: Yes!!
(But before he can do a pull up, Rigby sinks further into the ground and the ground cracks more. The pull-up bar is still on the surface and a huge hole is made. Eileen looks down the hole and calls for Rigby. Rigby is at the bottom of the hole and is groaning.)
Eileen: Rigby, you have 15 seconds to get up here and do a pull-up!
Rigby: 15 seconds?!
(Rigby punches the sides of the hole and discovers he can use it to get back to the surface. Rigby finally does his pull-up)
Benson: (stops stopwatch) Time!
(The stopwatch is revealed to have one second left and the crowd cheers)
Benson: You did it, Rigby! You can stay at the park!
(Rigby is being taken into the ambulance on a stretcher. Eileen runs up to Rigby)
Eileen: Rigby! You were wonderful!
Rigby: Thanks, Eileen. I couldn't have done it without you. I'd hug you, but I should probably wait till these muscles go away. I don't want to break your spine.
(Eileen takes off her glasses)
Eileen: I'll take my chances. (Rigby hugs Eileen and her spine breaks whilst tearing up) Totally worth it.
(End of One Pull Up)
Category:Regular Show Transcripts