The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace/Quotes

:Homer: They won't let me in the big people library downtown. There was some...unpleasantness. I can never go back.
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:Marge: I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.
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:(Homer, when he realizes that Thomas Edison was the one who invented the chair with hinged legs)
:Homer: Oh, damn it!
:(Bart, visiting Homer in the basement)
:Bart: Hey Dad, heard you swearin'. Mind if I join in? Crap, boobs, crap!
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:Marge: Alright already! Everyone knows the man accomplished a lot. Maybe because he didn't spend every waking moment talking about Thomas Edison.
:Homer: Oh, that's where you're wrong, Marge. He was a shameless self-promoter.
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:Homer: You don't understand how the creative mind works like I do.
:Marge: Oh?
:Homer: You look at this table and what do you see? Just a table. Now a creative person like me looks at this table and sees all kinds of creative things, but no tables.
:Marge: Homer, that's not a table. That's our dryer.
:Homer: AH! My files!
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:Homer: As long as you're here annoying me, let's have a brainstorming session. Here's how it works: Lisa, you say one thing, and Bart, you say another. Just toss out things and I'll use my inventive mind to combine them into a brilliant, original idea.
:Lisa: Okay. Um...automatic...
:Bart: Butt.
:Homer: Okay...
:Lisa: Fluorescent...
:Bart: Booger!
:Homer: Mm-hmm...wait a minute, these aren't exciting, new products! You're not even trying! Okay, that's it, both of you go to your rooms and spank yourselves!
:Lisa: Lazy father...
:Bart: Can't even spank his own kids...
:Marge: Homer, you can't punish the children just because you can't come up with an idea.
:Homer: I don't see why not. They're my kids. I own 'em.
:Marge: (groans)
:Homer: Okay, we own 'em.
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:(Kent Brockman, delivering his nightly broadcast)
:Kent: Authorities say the phony Pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth.
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:Homer: Marge, that's it! That's why I haven't done anything with my life! I need to be more like Thomas Edison!
:Marge: Whatever.
:Homer: And I'm starting right now! No more damn pajamas!
:(Homer gets out of bed, takes off his pajamas, and throws them out the window. Homer stands naked, calling out)
:Homer: From this day forward, I am an inventor!
:(A man walking his dog calls up to Homer)
:Man: Do us a favor. Invent yourself some underpants.
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:(Homer sits at a card table in the basement, smoking a cigar, trying to think of inventions)
:Lisa: You started smoking, Dad?
:Homer: Yes, Thomas Edison smoked several cigars a day.
:(Bart holds up Homer's empty notepad)
:Bart: Yeah, he invented stuff, too.
:Homer: Shut up.
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:Marge: Homer, all these inventions, they're...
:Homer: Yes?
:Marge: Oh... They're not very...
:Homer: Yes? Yes? Yes?
:Marge" They're terrible.
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:Marge: I'm not saying you're a bad inventor. I'm just saying these particular inventions are awful and no one in their right mind would buy them, or accept them as gifts.
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:Homer: How many times have you gals been late for a high-powered business meeting, only to realize you're not wearing makeup?
:Marge: That's every woman's nightmare!
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:Homer: That's boring. You're boring everybody! Quit boring everyone!
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:(Homer's make-up gun has covered Marge's face with messy, clown-like make-up)
:Marge: Homer, you've got it set on whore!
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:(Homer reveals his toilet recliner chair)
:Bart: Gangway, gotta poop!
:Marge: No, Bart!
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:Homer: We'll stop off at the da Vinci museum on the way home.
:Bart: Uh, I think that's in Italy, Dad.
:Homer: Oh. Well then, we'll take it out on Eli Whitney.
es:The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace/Frases