The Fast and the Foodious

The eleventh chapter of Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, posted on September 8, 2013. The contestants are forced to travel to McDonald's to buy a meal for Roz, with plenty of dangers along the way.
==Story==
“Last time on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, I got lazy and made the contestants run in the woods. Heehee, I’m evil. But yeah, Puck got a new fish, Trey pretended to be gay, and Elena. got reeeeally pissed. So they voted her out! Good riddance, she was really not that nice of a person. On the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits’ side, they had to vote someone out too due to my boyfriend being totally irresponsible. They voted out Chrissy due to her relationship with Julia and Helga. So, I feel like there’s gonna be a lot of juicy stuff happening today. And there’s only one way to find out what’s gonna happen! Tune in now to see it all, right here on Total… Drama… Superstar Showdown!”
The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are seen walking back from elimination. Nic is rubbing his cheek, in awe.
“You know she just did that to appease you, right?” Estrella says.
“She knows she wants it,” says Nic, putting on sunglasses. “#NIC.”
Nic says in the confessional, “I just realized this. I’m on a tribe with only women. How have I not cared about that until now?! Yeah, Chrissy was sexy, but I gotta work my manly charms on all of the other ladies! This is gonna be super fun.”
“Yeah. Have fun with that. I’m going to sleep,” Estrella says, and she walks into the cabin.
“Where did she…” says Nic. He walks up next to Veronica. “Hello, Ronnie. I’m cold. Want to cuddle?” He winks at her.
“Uh, I guess… Hey, as long as you can get me away from Layla, I’m good,” whispers Veronica.
Nic and Veronica both lie down, and Nic puts his arm around her. Veronica looks at him warily.
Veronica says in the confessional, “Nic is a weird guy… He’s nicer than Layla, but I don’t know if he’s just putting on an act because he wants to date me. I’m not in the mood for that, really. I don’t really go for relationships, most dudes are douches or creeps, and Nic might actually fit into both of those categories.”
“Yeah, Nic, sorry. I don’t really want to cuddle right now, I’ll just-- wait, can’t we sleep in the cabin? Yeah, sorry,” says Veronica, and she walks into the cabin.
“Ah, well. She is in denial,” says Nic after Veronica has left.
Arthur is in the cabin, watching TV and eating from a large bag of chips, while Julia and Helga are sitting next to him.
“Ooh, the Citrus Fruits are comin’ in. Let’s see who got eliminated,” chuckles Arthur.
The Citrus Fruits walk through the door, and Julia notices that Chrissy is gone. “THOSE SCUMBAGS!” she yells.
“Hm?” Helga looks up from her book, which is called The Positively False Diary of a Full-Time Native American.
“Yeah. Look. Chrissy. She’s gone,” Julia snaps.
“Okay, you guys have literally no souls,” says Helga snidely. She then goes back to reading her book.
“That is a pity. I really did like Chrissy,” says Arthur. “Not just because of her ample chest area, I like a girl who could beat me up if I was naughty.”
“Arthur, Chrissy has told me she wants to punch you in the groin numerous times. BTW, I feel the same way,” says Julia.
Puck and Wolfgang are sitting on the couch. Wolfgang is listening to metal music, while Puck is feeding Versace what looks like bread crumbs.
“Hey. You,” Wolfgang takes off his headphones. “Where are my German truffles? I was gonna eat some earlier and they were mysteriously gone.”
“Oh… Uh… They grew legs and walked away. Saw it happen. It was pretty weird, yo,” Puck says.
“DID YOU EAT THEM?!” roars Wolfgang. “My aunt got those for me while she was vacationing in Bavaria, and if you took them, I will DESTROY YOU!”
“Nah, nah, nah! Nah, nah, nah!” says Puck. “Why would I do that? I’m your bro, Wolfie!”
Wolfgang makes an extremely loud grunting noise. “You wish.”
Wolfgang is shown in the confessional. “I'm one step away from throwing him into the ocean. I wish I could socialize with the other teammates. I wish I could socialize in general. But HE NEVER LEAVES ME ALONE.”
“So, Trey,” Chelsey says, on the ground sitting next to him. “Do you like rainbows and stuff? You kinda dress monochromatically, for a gay man. Ohhhh, wait, are you still in the closet?”
“No…” says Trey. “I’m not flamboyant…”
“Oh. Okay. Uh, do you wear male makeup? I’m just curious, cause like…” says Chelsey.
“Chelsey. Don’t believe every gay stereotype,” says Trey angrily. He then goes back to his normally expressionless face.
“Umm, sorry?” Chelsey says. “Sorry. I was just trying to help. But if you’re gonna be a diva about it, then no.”
Trey says in the confessional, “Chelsey is actually a really obnoxious person. First of all, she’s completely believing my gay facade. Who does that? I mean, everyone on this team does… They’re really all morons. Glad to see nothing’s changed since I last played. Heh.”
“Hi, Trey! What’s up?” says Flora, walking over to Trey.
“Oh… Uh, the ceiling…” says Trey quietly.
“That’s cool,” grins Flora nicely. “I really like ceilings. Especially when they have good paint jobs on them, I think that’s cool.”
“Nice…” says Trey. “Uh, your hair is really straight…”
“Thanks! It’s natural,” says Flora. “People say it looks like beaver dung. I feel really sad about that, though.” She frowns.
“GUYS! COME QUICK!” yells a voice. “I gotta challenge for you already!”
“Looks like Roz is in trouble. Who cares? But we should go outside,” Helga says. “If only so we can get this cabin again, though. Lots of nice spots... For reading.”
Roz is shown outside. “Guys, we’re getting on a boat, time to go now!” She leads them to a boat.
“Whoooo! Swimmin’! Man, I wonder if Chappy will be on the boat?” Puck says.
The boat starts to move. “All right, in order to not waste time, I’m gonna tell you guys some stuff. We’re on a lake right now. We’re gonna go across this lake. There are cars, and you guys are gonna drive in them to get to your destination, which is Mickey D’s,” says Roz. Everyone groans. “What’s all the big fuss? I’m hungry. I want a Filet-o-Fish. That’s it. I DO NOT eat any meat other than fish, so if you get me something else, I’ll kill you!” She smiles sweetly.
“Man, I can’t eat fish! That’s cannib… oh, wait, fish are my natural diet… Uh, never mind,” says Puck.
“Also, get me a caesar salad. Those things are super good, even if their vegetables taste like plastic. And some fries, and a McFlurry. That’s about it. Oh, and be back by tonight or you automatically lose the challenge. Happy finding!” says Roz, just as the boat pulls up to the dock at the mainland.
“Uh, how are we supposed to get there?” says Flora.
“I dunno, maybe you could DRIVE?!” says Roz. “I’m sure one of yous has a license.”
The Hopalong Ralphcakes run over to a large van, which is parked there. “YES!” yells Wolfgang. “We’re finally hijacking a car from an innocent bystander! My day just got fifty times better.”
“Wolfie, check out Versace! He’s blowin’ bubbles!” says Puck. He presses the ziploc bag that contains Versace up to Wolfgang’s face, and Versace is doing absolutely nothing, just floating there.
“Uh, Puck, I don’t know if he’s… alive,” says Chelsey, getting into the driver’s seat. “Also, guys, I can drive. So, I’m gonna drive. Deal? Deal.”
“I call shotgun!” says Flora, getting into the front seat. “I really like looking out the window and seeing cute animals and stuff!”
“Yeah, cute DEAD animals,” growls Wolfgang. “Chelsey, you better not be a reckless driver. I don’t like dead stuff.”
Helga and Julia get in the middle seats. Helga takes out her book from earlier. “Don’t talk to me,” she scoffs, and starts to read. Julia grumbles something, and puts on her uPod and starts to listen to 1E.
Trey gets into the back left, and starts crossing his fingers. Arthur plops down next to him, and Wolfgang sits in the back right. “Dear GOD…” says Trey, as he slaps his forehead.
“Hey, Matt. Whatcha eatin’ under there?” Arthur says.
“Under where? HAW, HAW, HAW!” yells Puck obnoxiously. “Best. Joke. Ever!”
“Yeah, is that supposed to be funny? Because it really isn’t…” says Trey.
Puck walks up to the van. “Wait, whaaat? No seats left? Ah, well, gotta sit in the trunk.” He jumps into the trunk and lies down. “Seatbelts are for squares. But this ride is gonna be totes fun! I’ll call this car the Party Car(ty).”
“So totally hilarious,” says Julia.
Meanwhile, the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are getting into their car. “I am driving,” says Nic. “Going to be a pretty fun ride.”
“All right, we can add driving to things Nic claims to be good at but is actually awful at!” says Estrella faux-enthusiastically. “Oh, and I’m in the front seat. No questions about it.”
“Awesome, that gives me time to put on this new facial cleanser I heard about online. Apparently it, like, does wonders to your skin and stuff,” says Layla. “And I’m NOT TALKING TO YOU.”
“Okay!” says Veronica.
The two get into the back seat, and Layla scoots as far away from Veronica as she possibly can.
Layla says in the confessional, “Veronica… She smells like dirt. I don’t like that. Eww, she needs to get a perm or something too, I hate curly ginger hair.”
The Hopalong Ralphcakes are driving. “Hey, uh, Chelsey?” says Flora. “Do we have a map to the restaurant?”
“Pssh, McDonald’s isn’t a restaurant. It’s a place where fat people become fatter people. But… oh, crap, we don’t have a map. UGHHHHH,” groans Chelsey.
“I wish there was something else that could work in place of a map. Like, I don’t know, maybe there's something on your phone that could do the trick?” Helga says sarcastically.
“Yeah. Where’s Cirie? Gotta talk to it,” Chelsey says. She reaches around for her phone. “WHERE IS MY PHONE.”
“I totally don’t have it,” says Arthur, looking dubious.
“Arthur, you take my phone, I take your HEAD,” says Chelsey. “Also, you automatically become a zero on the popularity scale. Give me my phone.”
“What’s the magic word?” asks Arthur obnoxiously.
“The magic word is, you’re gonna get voted off,” says Chelsey.
“JUST GIVE HER THE PHONE! MY EARS ARE HURTING!” yells Wolfgang.
“All right, fine,” says Arthur, He chucks the phone at Chelsey, and it hits the back of her seat and lands at Helga’s feet.
“Helga. Phone. Please?” says Chelsey.
“Okay, list five good reasons why I should give you the phone,” Helga says. “Good, valid reasons. If so, then you can get it.”
“Hmmm… I have really cool hair that a bunch of girls like. I’m pretty. I’ve got a nice tan. My grandma gave me that phone. And you’re totally jealous of my scarf,” says Chelsey. “Give me the phone, please.”
Helga grumbles something and gives Chelsey her phone. “Flora, I’m driving, unlock it for me.”
“Okay, I don’t have a uPhone, my mom thinks they corrupt the mind,” says Flora. “I’m sliding the button, but it says it’s been disabled for twenty-four hours? Why’s that?”
“ARTHUR!!” yells Chelsey. “When we get out of this car, you have no idea.”
Arthur says in the confessional, “Harassing Chelsey was not a wise idea. Time to harass Crappy Restaurant and Julia now.”
The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are shown, pulling into the parking lot of McDonald’s. “See, I told you that I was a decent driver,” winks Nic.
“Yeah, but you’re still creepy. Now, uh, I’m staying in the car. Don’t want to risk turning into dust,” Estrella says.
“I totally second that,” says Layla. “I’m putting on this facial cleanser thing, and it’s totally crusty… Can’t go in public. The tabloids would totally freak out. But I would enjoy buying everything from the menu, I’ve got the cash for it.”
“Wait, why is anyone going inside? Aren’t we doing the drive-thru?” says Veronica.
“Ew, screw the drive-thru,” says Nic. “I am going inside. Tons of hot chiquitas in there.”
“Yeah, those fat, balding 45-year olds. Mmm, so spicy, I can’t even handle it,” says Estrella dryly.
“Veronica, you’re coming in with me,” says Nic. Him and Veronica get out of the car and go inside.
The two walk into the “restaurant” and see, sure enough, many obese people. “All right, so she wanted what, a Filet-o-Fish, salad, fries, and McFlurry? Sounds good,” Veronica says. She walks up to the cashier. “Hi, can we get… Oh my god!”
Nic, who is staring at the women, turns around. “...Gary?!” he exclaims.
Gary, who is dressed in a McDonald’s uniform and is behind the counter, looks at them. “Hey, guys! Wow, nice to see you here! I’ve been working here, got bored interning for Roz. Nic, bro! Great to see you… wait, where’s Chrissy?”
“Eliminated,” says Veronica. “It was pretty hard for poor Nic here…”
“NOOOO!” weeps Gary. “Okay, be strong, Gary… Ugh, I’ll just get your stuff, then we can get out of here.”
“Wait, you are coming with? This car just got twenty times swaggier,” winks Nic.
“Of course I’m coming with! I hate this place,” says Gary. “The number of obese sweaty people here is over 9000!”
“Speaking of obese sweaty people…” says Veronica, who turns around and sees Hippo alone at a table, eating a McChicken, listening to a reel-to-reel, and surfing Tumblr on a laptop. “Uh, I’ve never seen anyone eat one of those. Ever.”
“YES!” yells Hippo. “Hippocrates Smith, defeating the mainstream since 1980. My work here is done.” He throws the McChicken in the trash and walks out of McDonald’s with his laptop and reel-to-reel.
Gary comes back, with a bag containing the food. “Uh, hang on,” he says. He then yells to the kitchen. “CARL! I QUIT!” A loud swearing noise is heard, and Gary leaps over the counter and flings his uniform off. “Quick, let’s go!”
Gary, Nic, and Veronica run out of McDonald’s. They pile into the car and pull out of the driveway.
“Wait, what’s he doing he--” Estrella says. “No time to explain! Let’s go!” says Nic valiantly.
Layla is shown, with cucumber slices over her eyes. “Wait. What? I hear another voice. What’s going on? SOMEONE TELL ME, I DEMAND IT.”
“Is that chick the winner of Tokyo?” whispers Gary to Veronica. Veronica nods. “Didn’t she, like, reform or something?”
“Nope,” says Veronica sadly.
“Seriously, I’m still wondering why freaking Gary is in our car,” says Estrella. “Is this permanent?”
“Nah, I just need a ride. Gotta get out of that Mickey D’s, man! It really sucks!” says Gary. “Plus, Estrella, I always thought you were cool.”
“Kissing my ass is never the answer, my little friend,” says Estrella.
“I beg to differ!” says Gary.
Right as the Citrus Fruits leave, the Ralphcakes’ van pulls up to the McDonald’s drive-thru menu display. Arthur looks up and down at the various menu items. “Diabeetus,” he says.
“Man, this is my stuff! Chicken McNuggets, you know, my mom says I shouldn’t eat them or I’ll have trouble pooping. But I poop ice cubes, so that shouldn’t be a problem, right?” yells Puck from the back seat.
“I’m vegetarian, is there any meal on here that wouldn’t cause me to ingest five thousand calories and become morbidly obese?” Wolfgang says snottily.
“Nope. Take it from an expert,” Arthur says, patting Wolfgang on the shoulder. “Oh, Chelsey, can we get some food for ourselves? I have some Benjamins.”
“Uh, I’m super hungry…” says Chelsey. “But if we fool around too much, we’ll lose. So, no.”
“Come on! I gotta go to the bathroom, and Versace is acting sad!” says Puck, glancing at his fish bag, where Versace still does not look alive.
“You know what?!” yells Wolfgang. He snatches Versace’s bag away from Puck, opens the window, and chucks the bag into the street. A car then runs over it.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” says Puck in slow-motion.
Puck is shown in the confessional, weeping. “Versace… My best frieeeeend… Whyyyyyy…”
“Guys, shut up, I’m ordering,” whispers Chelsey loudly.
“Hi, what can I do for you?” says the voice over the speaker.
“Um, hi, I’d like a Filet-o-Fish, a Caesar Salad, some fries, and a McFlurry, please?” says Chelsey.
“I’m sorry, what was that?” says the voice.
“A Filet-o-Fish, a Caesar Salad, some fries, and a McFlurry,” repeats Chelsey.
“Sorry about this, it’s loud in here and I can barely hear you,” says the voice.
“WHY ARE YOU AT THE FREAKING SPEAKER JOB IF YOU CAN’T HEAR A WORD?! YOU NEED TO CLEAN THE WAX OUT OF YOUR EARS!” yells Julia. “I swear, some people are JUST SO DUMB.”
“Okay, repeat what you were saying once more, I’ll get it this time,” says the speaker guy.
Chelsey repeats what she has said twice already. Once she’s done, Arthur yells, “AND TWO BIG MACS!”
Julia fumes with rage, and her face becomes extremely red. She takes out a water bottle and starts chugging it.
“Okay, fine. Uh, I guess we’re ordering for the others. Flora, wanna order?” Chelsey says.
Flora is sitting there, shaking. “Uh, you okay, Flora?” asks Chelsey.
“She’s having a panic attack…” says Trey. “She told me about it earlier… She gets all scared when it comes to ordering food…”
“I’m…” says Flora, her eyes really wide.
“Okay, Flora, I’ll get some stuff for you later,” says Chelsey. She says to the speaker, “That’ll be all!”
“Thanks!” says the guy in the speaker. “Your food will be ready shortly.”
The van drives up to the next window, where an acne-ridden guy gives them their food. “Money, please?” he says.
“Uh, yeah, hang on…” says Chelsey. “Guys, I have no cash. Help me.” She searches through her purse, but finds nothing. “Do you guys accept credit card?”
“I’m sorry, we actually don’t…” says the guy. “Some random douche tried to make fake credit cards and created a black market to sell them on. So, we’re the only McDonald’s in the nation that doesn’t accept credit cards. Sorry about that, you’ll need cash!”
“I have a fifty-dollar bill…” says Trey.
Trey says in the confessional, “That was the only part of Julia’s money I managed to take… I didn’t want to give it up, but I kinda have to…”
Trey hands the bill to Chelsey, who gives it to the guy. The guy gives her the bag of food, and they are about to drive away.
“Wait! Guys! I’m finna go to the bathroom,” says Puck. “Wait for me! I swear, it’ll take five secs. Art, be my bathroom buddy?” Arthur nods, and the two get out of the car and run into McDonald’s.
“Glad to see great minds think alike,” says Arthur. “You’re not going to the bathroom, are you? You’re going to go and get some Giant Macs?”
“Whoa, dude, what’s a Giant Mac?” says Puck. “Seems intriguin’!”
“It is like a Big Mac. Only, there are FOUR patties instead of two. Instant bowel explosion,” says Arthur. “But it’s also--” His watch beeps, and he pulls out the red underwear.
“Oh, NO!” yells Puck.
They open the door, and see all the fat people. “Obeeeese people?” says Puber T. “Did you know that if you are fat as a child, you will possibly mature earlier? For you would have tons of extra fat, and it goes in different--” Puck rushes up to the counter.
“Yo, do you guys carry ‘za?” he asks to the cashier. “Pizza? Y’know? Cheesy Italian stuff?”
“What do you think we are, an Italian place? Nope. We got good old fast food, American-style, and that’s it,” says the cashier.
“All right, I’ll get two Giant Macs! They’re like Big Macs… but giant!” says Puck loudly.
“Sounds good,” says the person dubiously. “I’ll place an order, what are you guys’ names?”
“Tyrone Velaquess,” says Puck, and he starts to snicker.
He yanks the underwear off of Puber T’s head, and Arthur then says, “My name is Harry Richards.”
“Tyrone, hurry up!” says a slightly nasally voice behind Puck and Arthur. They swiftly turn around.
The other Ralphcakes are shown in the car. “It’s EXTREMELY hot in here,” says Wolfgang.
“Yeah. The air conditioning broke,” snaps Julia. “Because we decided to take the CRAPPY car. Of course. Can we at listen to 1E or something on the radio? Flora, nobody even likes classical music.”
“I do!” says Flora. “Chelsey does, too. And I think Wolfgang.”
“I do,” says Helga. She then goes back to reading her book and not talking.
“Classical is for STUFFY OLD MEN!” yells Julia. She pounces onto Flora’s lap and tries to change the radio. “Seriously, I need my 1E!”
“Aww, Julia, can’t--” Flora begins. She turns around and looks out the window to see three figures coming out from McDonald’s - Arthur, Puck, and someone with long, curly red hair whom Puck seems to be making out with.
“Oh my god, Puck. I like really love your new pistachio-colored hair. It totally fits a sexy stud like you,” says Casey, letting go of him for a second.
“My ice cube, man! I still can’t get over how I saw you in a random Mickey D’s somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Thought you were still in Japan!” says Puck.
“Yeah. No. A sumo wrestler tried to f--” Casey looks into the car, and sees the driver. “OH. MY. GOD.”
“Oh, great,” say Wolfgang and Chelsey simultaneously.
“IVDTJDGKDKDFTYJEXJRYB LW;E;,YNMERKNSEKBR R,C./E.B,OITYONSRU QIYWIW83NY RKUSUYNBHKUYREM,SNI,” says Casey. She runs up to Chelsey and begins making kiss marks on the window.
“...Who are you?” says Chelsey.
“Are you kidding me?! We’ve met before! Remember, in Tokyo? I was that really pretty girl you met?” says Casey, breathing heavily.
“Oh. Yeah. Casey. Hi, there,” says Chelsey. “Thought I’d never see you again. Still unpo-- I mean, uh... Yeah, whatever. Guys, we have to go, we’re running late.”
“Flora. Get out of the front seat, I’m sitting there,” says Casey forcefully. “Gotta be near Chel.”
“Wait, Case, don’tcha wanna sit in the back with me? We can share Giant Macs and make out!” says Puck.
“Uh, Puck, about that… We can make out at home whenever we want. Seeing Chelsey is a ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY,” snarls Casey.
Puck says in the confessional, “I’m livid! Casey doesn’t wanna spend time with me? Did I do somethin’ again? We’ve barely even been dating for a month, man. Ah, well, I guess I can talk to Wolfie more.”
The car pulls out of the McDonald’s parking lot and starts driving back to Roz. Riley Ghetsis is blaring on the radio.
“Ugh, I hate Riley, she’s trying to make twerking cool, when it isn’t. Change the station,” whines Casey.
“B-b-but… Twerking IS cool!” says Puck from the back seat.
“No, it isn’t. Also, her ugly new haircut makes her look like a MeanLesbian,” says Casey. “So, can we change the radio?”
“Um, I actually like Riley Ghetsis. She’s saying that she doesn’t mind being herself, you go gurl,” says Chelsey.
“...All right, we’re keeping Riley on the radio!” says Casey quickly. Wolfgang facepalms.
The song continues to play. “Oh, how I love the sound of pure auto-tune,” says Helga.
“Shaddap,” says Julia. “1E uses auto-tune. It’s only to fix their vocals, though. If they weren’t toned down, they’d destroy everyone’s ears ‘cause they’re so good. True story.”
“Ugh, dumb boy bands, pandering to teen girls like you,” grunts Wolfgang. “They’re not even hot.”
“Bleh…” says Puck, sitting in the back seat. “I feel so stuffed. Those truffles that I ate after feedin’ Versace really filled me up, and that burger too.”
“You WHAT?!” yells Wolfgang. “YOU SAID YOU DIDN’T FEED THEM T-T-T-T…”
“Oh! Man, Wolfie! It’s not what it looks like, I swear! It’s just that I was running out of food, and…” Puck says. Wolfgang slaps him in the face, then puts on his heavy metal music and doesn’t talk.
“Drama!” exclaims Casey.
The car finally pulls up to Roz, right by the boat’s dock. The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are already there, and Roz is eating her food. “Howdy!” she says. “The Fruits here just treated me to a nice meal. And… Wait, wuuut? Casey?!”
“Ooooh. Hi, Roz,” says Casey. “Just hitched a ride with Puckie and the beautiful goddess Chelsey. What’s up with you?”
“Man, it’s been a while. Still pumped that you decided to help me in th’ final challenge--” begins Roz. Gary then walks out of a nearby bathroom.
“Hey, did the team I was driving with win?” says Gary.
“GARY!” says Roz. “Yep, the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits win immunity, and you’re now a member of their team!”
“WHAT?!” pretty much everyone says simultaneously.
“I was discussin’ somethin’ with Chef and the producers. We strategically placed Gary and Casey around the Mickey D’s, knowing that they had relationships with the two teams. So, we knew you guys would pick ‘em up and transport ‘em here, and we said the first team to get back would win their transportee a spot on the team!” says Roz.
“Aw, NUTS!” says Casey. “I love you, Chelsey! ...Bye, Puck.” She runs up to a pink motorcycle, puts on a helmet, and disappears.
“Whoo! I’m in the game!” says Gary. “This is pretty sweet… uh, what do I do now?”
“Go back to th’ cabin,” says Roz. “You’re safe tonight, luckily.” Gary gives her a thumbs-up, and the Citrus Fruits get on the boat. “As for the Ralphcakes, do whatever you want with that food, but one of you is going home tonight. Bye!” The Ralphcakes get onto the boat as well, and it chugs off into the sunset.
“I’m voting Wolfgang. The guy’s too dangerous,” Trey says to Puck. “I know you like him, but he’s not an ally of yours. He hates you. Take it from a professional.” Puck shakes his head.
Puck says in the confessional, while eating a Giant Mac, “Man, I can’t get rid of Wolfie tonight! I mean, yeah, he snapped at me an infinite amount of times, but he’s a great dude and I’m sure he’s just tryin’ to be nice! Aww, I’ll miss the guy. Trey’s a cool ice cube though, and I can trust him, I think.”
The scene changes to night, right before the elimination. Wolfgang is shown sitting alone on the beach right by the team's cabin. He is playing in the sand with a stick, and gathering seashells while sitting on a big rock.
Flora peeks out from the cabin and yells to him. "Hey, Wolfgang! Where have you been? The elimination starts in, like, five minutes. Come on over here!"
"I'll be right there," Wolfgang yells back to Flora. She gives him a thumbs-up, and then walks away.
Helga suddenly walks up to Wolfgang. "Oh. Hi. What are you doing? Did you know we’re gonna be at elimination in like a second?”
"Ugh," says Wolfgang. "I need to be left alone right now, okay? I despise everyone else, I'm just having some down time. Why are you here?"
"Oh, me? I'm just taking a long walk on the beach," says Helga.
"Long walk on the beach? Isn't that a little too sappy and romantic for someone like you?" asks Wolfgang.
"Ugh. You know, it isn't easy being sarcastic and rude all the time," Helga sits down next to Wolfgang. "I know that my personality gives me a lot of fans and all, but sometimes I wish I could just have friends."
"Jeez, tell me about it," says Wolfgang. "Can't relate to ever having any of those."
"You get it?" says Helga. "See, I wish I could return to being that sweet girl from School. I didn't do much, but being boring is better than being universally hated..."
"That's my issue," states Wolfgang. "Everyone else hates me, since I'm not social, I yell a lot, and all I do is get angry with others. Like, you know Puck? I’m sure he means no harm, but I just don’t like him at ALL, and I express that in… strange ways."
"No, it's fine. I thought you were overreacting at first, but that was completely shattered once I actually interacted with him. What an awful human," says Helga.
"Heh, good to know..." says Wolfgang. "Plus, I have another thing. I really like little kids. That sounds creepy, I know, but I think I would be a really good camp counselor or something. Every time I try, though, they get terrified."
"Well, being a camp counselor isn't all that, you know. You could end up being as boring as Mattie," chuckles Helga.
Wolfgang laughs weakly. "I just wish I could say hello to children without my face making them cry..." he says. "You know, I wanted to come here to make friends, but from the second I met him, I knew that wouldn't happen.”
"What's with that, by the way? Like yeah, he sucks, but you seem to have had this giant grudge against him from the beginning," Helga asks. "If you don't mind me asking, of course."
"He just annoys the crap out of me for no reason at all... I despised him back in Japan. He reminded me of this one obnoxious neighbor I had back when I was a kid... Wait, come to think of it, that might've actually been him," Wolfgang growls. "That little--"
"No, don't get mad," says Helga. "But I get what you're saying. Man, I wish we could talk like this more. I love this conversation, honestly. I feel like I've gotten to know you so much better. Before, you were the angry, groin-kicking, antisocial, violent guy, but now you're actually... nice. I never thought I'd feel this way about a person."
"Hey. It’s called friendship, or something else," Wolfgang says. "Heh."
"...Really?" Helga looks shocked. "Wait, uh... Yeah, I get what you're saying. Ha, that's kind of funny."
Wolfgang looks at Helga, and she looks back at him. They begin to kiss semi-awkwardly.
After a few seconds, Wolfgang says, "Hey. We should probably get to the elimination ceremony before Roz verbally rips us both a new butthole. Let’s go.” The two walk away from the beach and down to the elimination ceremony.
Helga says in the confessional, "Ugh, I'm so stupid! First I let my feelings out on international television, then I kiss the guy? What just happened to me? His lips kind of tasted like wienerschnitzel… Heck, I won't be surprised if I get voted out tonight. But the dude is kind of intriguing... Eh, I'll still be sarcastic, and he'll still be antisocial. What happens after that, I have no idea..."
Roz is shown with the Ralphcakes at elimination. “Can’t wait to get to this vote. Anyway, uh, Arthur, Chelsey. You two are safe!” She tosses the two seashells.
“Yep,” says Arthur. Chelsey flashes him a mean look.
“Trey. Julia. Uh, Flora,” says Roz. She tosses the three seashells.
Helga is shown reading. “Helga,” she says, and gives Helga a seashell.
“Excellent,” says Helga.
“Wolfgang. Puck. Hehe, punny names. One of you is out tonight. Who’s it gonna be? Final seashell goes to…”
“Wolfie.” She tosses him a seashell.
“Awwwwwwwwwwww,” says Puck for a very long time. “That’s jank. Wolfie, you did this, right? Never knew a dude could get so pissed for another dude eatin’ his truffles. But, uh, I’m out.”
Wolfgang sits there with a blank, almost wistful expression on his face. He looks at Helga and smiles slightly.
“It was fun! Roz, you gotta let me return for a third time! Maybe even introduce a buncha new players and then rig the game for me. Just gotta get some money, man. See ya!” Puck says, and he skips to the boat, where Casey is.
“CRAP!” yells Casey. “I was hoping for Chel… oooh, Corny, you look super sexy in the moonlight, I love how it lights up against your face.” She leans in and makes out with him. Puck, gasping for air, manages to give a thumbs-up to the rest of the Ralphcakes.
“I haven’t seen anything more dramatic than those last few minutes!” says Roz. “Tune in for more shocking events on Total… Drama… Superstar Showdown!”