(S1) Chapter 13: Jailbreak

Errrrr404 was sitting down on the cold, wooden jail cell bench, just sulking. It’s so cold that I’m shaking as I’m typing this up. He just stared at the floor, thinking about how bad he just lost. After the defeat at McDonalds, HAM rounded them all up and put them in his dungeon. “Dammit…this team’s so disorganized! They’re at each others’ throats 24/7! HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE LEGENDARY HEROES IF WE CAN’T EVEN GET ALONG!” Billy got up and punched the cell’s bars. Somehow, they DIDN’T break. Huh. The sound of the bar being punched echoed through the hall for a bit. A few minutes later, a prison guard walked in.
“Can you just SHUT UP ALREADY?! JESUS CHRIST MAN, WE’RE TRYNA WATCH KENOBI!!!!” The guard just glared at Willy for a bit before waking away. Errrr404 tried breaking the bars but couldn’t. How is a literal god unable to break some prison bars? IDK MAN, WE NEED SOME SORT OF CONFLICT!!! Errrrr404 sat back down on the bench and sulked for a bit before he heard a familiar voice say “ahem.” He looked up and saw Papaya182 on the other side of the bars.
“Wait, how did you get out?!” Papaya182 just face palmed and pulled a bone bat outta thin air. “I’m a ghost who can become corporeal and noncorporeal at will, moron! I could just move through the bars!” Errrr182 struck the door’s lock with his bat, making the door open.
“I hoped you’d be at least a LITTLE smarter than HAM and remember that!!!” Yeah stupid. Errrr404 rolled his eyes. “Yeah yeah whatever. Let’s let get a move on and bust everyone out!” Errrr404 got out his cell and put out his hand for a high-five. Papaya just rolled his eyes and high-fived Billy Mays. The two of them then started sprinting down the hall and turned left down where they came face to face with some guards. The guard wore futuristic, white armor that- nah, you know what? Imma just gonna be honest with you: HAM ripped off the stormtroopers.
“Dammit! I think we forgot the fact that ghosts can go through walls.” Papaya182 just crossed his arms. “Ya think?” The stormtroopers took out their guns and pointed them at the Billy and Papyrus. “Well you better get in back in your cells before we-“
“Before you what, shoot us? It’s not like stormtroopers can aim to begin with. Moreover, what’s a lame ass laser gun gonna do against us?” This made the guards angry so they rapidly fired at them. Despite the guards all having a perfect aim on the two, they still missed because we all know that stromtroopers can’t aim. Once they were done firing, Willy just scoffed and reduced them to dust with a simple blaster. “Honestly, HAM’s a lot stupider than I thought Willy. Hiring the stormtroopers….what a dumbass!” The two of of them continued down the hallway until they heard another familiar voice.
“DAD! HEY I’M OVER HERE!!!” Errrr404 looked to his right and saw King Funnyverse in a prison cell. Billy was about to break the lock when Papaya182 pulled him aside. “Look, Willy. Should we REALLY release him? I mean….he screwed up an attack-“ Papyrus was cut off by a slap to the face from Billy Mays. Before Papaya could even recover, Billy had somehow shoved him against a wall despite being noncorporeal. That statement alone just awakened a fuckin demon in Billy I guess, I idk. Papaya182 gulped at this unexpected turn of events.
“I know you’re at odds with my son, Dekios, but if you’re going to be this big of an asshole and decide to leave behind not only a literal child but my son and your nephew because he messed up an attack despite his lack of intense battle experience, I will find a way to rip your soul away from me, seal you in the body of one of these stormtroopers, and lock you behind those bars, DO I MAKE MYSELF FUCKING CLEAR?!” I don’t think Errrr404 has even been this genuinely pissed before. Shit, this has ME shaking in my boots. Papaya182’s eyes widened and he nodded, agreeing to let King Funnyverse out. 
As a matter of fact, he scurried over to the cage and let him out himself. When he looked back at Billy, his enraged face had disappeared and became a smile directed towards his son. King Funnyverse hugged Billy while Papaya just stared at Will, petrified. He’d never seen him so protective over something, much less intimidating.  
The three of them continued to wander through the hallway until they came across a puzzle. It was just a door with a lock on it. There was a note by it that smelled like weed. Gee, wonder who wrote it. The note said “Hehe, good luck finding the key ladz.” Ah shit, they gotta find the key. Easy enough, right? King Funnyverse immediately began searching for the key in the oddest places he had access to. He looked behind the bathroom mirrors, underneath the cell bars, in his own hood, and even inside the walls. But he couldn’t find the key ANYWHERE. King Funnyverse just slouched by the door, waiting for Billy Mays to return.
“Ugh, I can’t find that damn key ANYWHERE!! Any luck Papayrus and Lancer?” Lancer shook his head while Papyrus just shook his head. “Are you two done?” Billy and Lancer just looked at Papaya182 with confusion. “Excellent. Now, you morons searched nearly the entire damn prison for that key…when it was under the FUCKING WELCOME MAT THE ENTIRE TIME!!!!” Papaya182 held up the key. King Funnyverse just face palmed while Errrr404 just gritted his teeth. “If it was there the entire time then why did you waste our time and NOT TELL US?!” I guess papaya182 just magically moved on from that whole debacle a few minutes ago for the time being.
“Because, I wanted to show you that the blunt and simple way is the best way to do things, dumbass!“ Imagine wasting peoples’ time to prove a stupid point. Lmao, loser. “I heard that Critic!!” Oh whatever Papaya. Anyways, papayrus opened the door, expecting another simple puzzle with an easy solution, but he was wrong! There was a monkey with some canvases and painting resources inside the room. The monkey was just sitting down at a table, looking bored out of his mind. I mean, I don’t blame him. HAM just put him in a boring, empty room with nothing to do but wait for someone to get in.
“FINALLY, SOMEONE OPENED THE DOOR!! Anyways, yeah this is puzzle 2. HAM told me to make you guys paint a bridge. Not sure why, but he was pretty high when making these puzzles. This doesn’t make sense and feels like something way too convenient that only exists to be relevant to a chapter with some kind of underlying theme.” Billy just backed away and leaned against a wall like an edgelord. “You guys do this one, I can’t paint for shit.” Papaya and Funnyverse both set up their canvases and started painting.
Papaya made a semi-decent painting of a bridge. It was a big, gray bridge with a few cars on it. Below it was a blue ocean with a few boats floating in it. It was overall a pretty 6.4/10 painting. Not bad. But the monkey wasn’t amused so he just tossed it aside. “Bro, that‘s like the most cliche painting of a bridge imaginable. Not letting you through for that one. Alright now your friend over here….” The monkey turned to King Funnyverse who just finished his painting. It was a very well done painting of two people talking in a park.
“Aha! Now that’s what I was looking for!! Some creativity AND some pretty good art.” Papaya’s jaw dropped like a cartoon character. “WHAT?! THAT’S NOT A BRIDGE, IT’S A FUCKING CONVERSATION!!!” King Funnyverse just grinned. “Conversations are a bridge to friendship, aren’t they?” Papaya182 gritted his teeth and chucked his paintbrush on the ground. “THAT’S STUPID!!! YOU’RE JUS-“
“My way worked, correct?” King Funnyverse asserted. Papaya182 just shook his head and crossed his arms, unable to take the L. “Yeah yeah WHATEVER, LET’S JUST GET OUTTA THIS DUMBASS ROOM!!!” The monkey opened the door for the crew and told them goodbye. And now, one more puzzle awaited them: a big lava pit rigged with booby traps! “Oh for the love of God…alright, you guys know a good way to get across?”
“YEAH YEAH!!! LET’S SWING FROM THE ROOF USING MY CHAINS-“ Papayas shook his head and jumped in front of Funnyverse. “Or we can go wit the easy way, you know, levitating through?” Funnyverse made chains come from the ceiling. “Nah that’s boring!” Funnyverse swung from the ceiling, evading the large weaponry and walls of fire that came from the walls and ceiling. Papaya182 just levitated his way through. Borrriiiing. Errrr404 rode a blaster there. When he arrived, he found Papaya and Funnyverse arguing over who’s way was better.
“Alright alright break it up! Both ways worked, right?” They both nodded. “So then what’s the issue? If both ways work then why argue over who’s way is better? Both have their benefits in different situations, yes, but in general, both are useful and can be applied in real life.”  Papyrus and Lancer just glanced at each other for a bit before sighing. “Yeah, you’re right. Sorry for arguing with you Papayrus.”
This message would probably be better if I actually gave it proper time, but fuck that, this is a joke parody, nobody’s got time for that!
“Yeah, sorry for being an asshole to you. That wasn’t very nice of me. I wasn’t the greatest uncle to you. Are we pals now?” Papaya182 asked. King Funnyverse hugged him and nodded. “Yeah, we’re pals now.” How wholesome. And look at that, a character arc! Well, back to the plot! 
Author’s note: I solemnly swear to never fuck up this badly making a character arc ever again. 
Willy opened the door that would lead to the exit, only to find out that it WASN’T the exit?!?! Instead, there was none other than FRISK there! Errrr404 and Papaya182 just groaned with annoyance while Funnyverse started reading the prologue to find out who this guy was.
“BILLY?!?! RRRRGH, I HATE YOU BILLY!!!! NOW THAT I’VE MAGICALLY BEEN REVIVED BY AZATHOTH, I’M GONNA WORK FOR HAM SO I CAN KILL YOU!!!” Papyrus began shaking with rage. Uh oh, he’s finally had enough of the stupid plot. This monologue’s probably gonna be an entire paragraph.
“Why the FUCK ARE YOU SIDING WITH HAM IF HE’S ACTIVELY KEEPING YOUR SISTER HOSTAGE AND WANTS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE BETAVERSE?!?! ARE YOU JUST BRAIN DEAD??? IS THERE AT LEAST 0.0001% OF A BRAIN CELL IN THAT THICK, DUMBASS SKULL OF YOURS AT WORK?!?! YOU’RE EVEN STUPIDER AND ANGSTIER THAN BILLY MAYS, AND THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING DAMMIT!!!! YOU’RE THE STUPIDEST AND ARGUABLY THE WORST CHARACTER IN THIS SHITTY SERIES FRISK!!!! RRRRAAAGGGHH, YOUR STUPIDITY IS PISSING ME OFF!!!”
Frisk began powering up in response, gaining a super Saiyan aura. The gang wasn’t giving him the time to power up though cause that’s cringe, so Funnyverse just punched frisk square in the face, knocking him over. Papaya182 then zapped over to grind him into a bloody pulp with a hammer that had a Gaster blaster as the head. Once he was satisfied and got all his anger out, he looked at completely FLATTENED remains of frisk. “Whoops. Lost my anger a little bit there. Anyways, let’s get the hell outta here.” King Funnyverse opened that is hopefully the exit- shit it’s not. It’s a god damn labyrinth. Are you kidding me?! Fuck this, I’m cutting over to OPtale.
||| It’s time we focus on OPtale |||
“I remember this jungle being much smaller. We’ve been wandering around for quite a while sans, should we take a break?” Harrus sat down and reclined back on a tree. “Sure, why not.” Papyrus sat down next to Ares and exhaled. “Do you think we’ll be able to take on Hades?“ Sans shrugged. “Probably, idk. Also, I wanna ask you something: why is it that everyone dislikes you?” Hephaestus just sighed and reclined back. “Simply put: I’m different. They seem to dislike the fact that my legs are odd. Just about the only ones who don’t shun me are you and Aphrodite.”
“Where’s she at? I don’t believe I saw her on Mount Olympus.” Papyrus scratched his head for a bit and began looking around. “Idk, she’s somewhere in this forest. She despises the other gods. She sees them for the assholes they are. Heh, I don’t even know why I hang out with them myself. I guess I’m scared they’d turn on me if I didn’t show some kind of allegiance by being there.” Ares sighed and laid down. 
“Yeah, they’re all just a buncha assholes on my opinion. I’m not even sure why people worship them honestly.” Suddenly, some rustling was heard from a bush. What could it be now?
Oh, it’s the jersey jevil. Yeah, the jersey JEVIL. That’s the betaverse’s jevil, I ran out of parody ideas. It jumped out the bush with a big scythe in his hand. “HAHA, I FINALLY FOUND YOU!! HADES IS GONNA PAY ME THE BIG BIG BUCKS TO KILL YOU TWO!!! HAHAHAHAAA!” Jersey Jevil high jump-kicked Ares and sliced him pretty good on the arm with his devils-knife. Harrus held his arm for a bit in pain. Jevil was getting ready to spam spades at Ares when he got WHAMMED over the head by Hephaestus papyrus’ hammer. Jevil fell over and passed out. Ares took this as an opportunity to eviscerate the guy with a blaster, leaving behind a pile of dust when the blast subsided. Ares clutched his bleeding arm. How the hell is it bleeding you may ask? Idk, how does original sans bleed?
“Ooooh, that’s a pretty nasty cut sans. Worse even is that his scythe is usually drenched in some weird poison. We have to get to Aphordite ASAP” Suddenly, a figure approached. Ares pulled out lightsaber, but since he was poisoned and thus weakened, he dropped. 
“Woah woah, put the sword away. I’m here to help you.” The figure stepped out from the shadows cast by the trees, revealing them to be none other than Aphrodite Frisk!
“Hello, I’m OP!Frisk, but please call me Aphrodite. What seems to be the issue?” Harrus thought Aphrodite looked pretty so he developed a crush for her. Cool, mushy romance. “Oh uh…nothing too big, just got my arm sliced up a bit.” Aphrodite looked at the cut for a bit then frowned. “That’s jevil’s poison. Haven’t seen that in EONS!! Luckily however, I still have a cure!” Aphrodite put her hand on the cut. Harrus suddenly having the personality of a weird, embarrassed teenager at this moment m, he just backed up a bit. “Woah woah, I’m fine, alright? It’s probably nothing.” Aphrodite shook her head.
“There’s no reason to try and act tough. I assume you are regardless, but that poison’s kinda dangerous even to gods. One of my huts isn’t too far away. Follow me.” A few minutes later, the 3 of them were in one of Aphrodite’s huts. It was a pretty nice place ngl. “Alright, I have some antidote. Hold still, this might hurt a little bit.” Aphrodite put some antidote in as syringe and injected it into Harrus. Ares just flinched. What a badass. “There! Now, let me get rid of that cut.” Aphrodite put her hand on Harrus’ cut, instantly making it disappear. “Oh wow, thanks. Say do you think we can stay a while?” 
Papyrus stepped up to object this. “Actually, we have to go hunt down Hades. It was nice meeting you again though, Aphrodite.”
Papyrus dragged sans out the hut. “Aw, why’d you cock block me dude?!” Papyrus sighed and stoopee down to ares’ height. “Look, I get you have a sudden crush for her, but once you start simping for her, there’s no heading back. And we have a mission. This is for your own good.” Ares just crossed his hands and started walking away “Alright, fiiiiine, let’s get going then.”
||| Let’s return to the maze, shall we? ||| 
“We’ve been in this maze for such a loooong time dad, how much longer do you reckon we’ll be in here?“ Willy just looked up at the ceiling. “Judging by the ceiling….we’re almost there!” There’s usually no way to accurately assess that based on a ceiling, but seeing as this is HAM architecture, idk, maybe you can. A few turns later, they were! They saw the door across from them. A large area stretched out in front of them. Before they can go towards it, the ground began to shake. Suddenly, a giant snake slithered in front of them. It let out a deep, booming hiss as it glared at the 3 of them with its slitted eyes.
“I AM APOPHGANDR, THE TOTALLY ORIGINAL CONCCCCCEPT OF A SSSSSNAKE EATING AND DESSSSSTROYING EVERYTHING IN THE END.” We all know too well that’s not true at all. “Ah, soooo original! I tooootally can’t name you other creatures like you. Like gee, let forget about JORMUGANDR, APOPHIS, SCP-3000. BUT HEYYYY, YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE, RIGHT?!” The snake began fuming with anger. “NO, THEY’RE COPIES OF ME!!! FUCK YOU, I’M THE ORIGINAL!!!!!! I’M GONNA EAT YOU NOW!!!!!1!!!1!!”
The snake lunges in for a bite but was met with a bone wall from Billy Mays. The snake swung its tail around, knocking the crew over. King Funnyverse got up and pulled the snake down with chains. This gave Billy Mays and Papaya182 the chance to spam blasters at the snake. Apophgandr broke through the chains and began spewing fire at the gang. Papaya grabbed the crew and took off upward to evade the fire. “I have an idea! Alright, King Funnyverse, you chain up the snake. Papaya, you smack him over the head with your bat to stun him. I’ll probably make an explosion happen inside his head or something idk.”
Papaya put the crew down and took out his bat. King Funnyverse kept the snake distracted with some spades, letting Papyrus whack the snake on the head with his bat. Apophgandr was stunned for a bit, so king Funnyverse chained him up. “ALRIGHT, YOUR TURN WILLY!!” Willy Wonka began charging an explosive, blue orb in his hand. Once it was big enough, he threw it into the snakes mouth. He slid on some sunglasses and walked away from the explosion. So cool! 
And just like that, the snake was dead. It’s head exploded from… well you know, the explosive orb. In concept, one may have expected this to last long, but you’re forgetting that this is just a big, magical snake. Sure, that’s formidable, but not in comparison to gods. “Huh, well that was easy! Guess you were right dad, both of ours ways worked!” King Funnyverse said.
“See? Told you guys. Now, we better scram before HAM shows up.” The three of them sprinted to the exit. Outside there was an army of soldiers and the Discord Mod waiting for them. King Funnyverse summoned a chain in his hand and began spinning it around while Papya182 brandished his bat. Willy got into a fighting position as the stormtroopers pointed their guns at them.
Suddenly, da baby car swooped in and rammed right into discord mod. Discord mod fell over, unable to get up. Adam Sandler was sticking out of the sun roof, lighting up the guards with a machine gun. Once the area was semi-safe, Adam Sandler motioned for Papaya, Funnyverse, and Willy to get in the car. “GET IN THE CAR YOU THREE!!” They all hastily got into the car and zoomed off at hyper speed. They got off at the closet Multiversal 7-11 and ate some burgers.
While he was midway through the burger, Errrr404 remembered something he can’t believe he forgot. “SHIT, WE FORGOT CHARA!!….AND ERROR!!!!” Papaya182 and Lancer gasped while River and Adam Sandler were confused. “Wait, chara’s back?!” Errrrr404 inhaled the rest of his burger like Kirby and got up. “WE GOTTA SAVE HER, NOW!!!” Billy ran out of the 7-11 and got to the car. The rest of the crew groaned and got up. Next episode’s totally gonna be a blast for them!!
||| How are those 2 doing I wonder? |||
Ink just leaned against the wall, staring at Chara with a grin. Both chara and error were disturbed by this. “Hey there beautiful.” Chara just rolled her eyes. “You’re lucky this prison nullifies my abilities, ink.” Ink then went from a grin to a frown. “Hey, that Willy fella’s a loser. Why not just stick with me, the obviously better choice?”
“Why? Because at least Willy’s had some character arcs and became somewhat a better person. You? You’re just some pervert who has the mentality of a literal child.” Error said. He backed away just in time to escape ink’s bitch slap. Ink swung open the cell door and closed it behind him. He took off one of his gloves and slapped Chacha…only for his hand to go through. “WHAT?!” Ink tried slapping her again. His hand just went through again. He tried a barrage of slaps. No luck. “THIS ISN’T FAIR!!! GRRRRRGH, I’M GOING TELL HAM!!!” Ink ran out of the cell, closed it behind him, and sprinted off while crying like a baby.
“Well, if that asshole isn’t here 24/7, I guess captivity ain’t gonna be THAT bad. Say, when do you think that Errrr404 fella’s gonna get here?” Error asked. Chacha shook her head and sat down. “I don’t know, but I hope it’ll be soon.”
I’m not ending this chapter off with an evil laugh cause fuck you- kidding, love you guys. I just wanted to break the trend for an episode.
Category:Episodes
Category:Canon
Category:Story
Category:Season 1
Category:Written by Cliche