News Machine, February 2021

The Residents' News Machine is an official news blog dedicated to the activities of The Residents, which has been active at the group's official website since January 13th 2017.
This page collects posts made to this blog in February 2021, archived directly to this wiki from the group's official website.
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== Blog entries ==
=== SALE! ===
Wednesday, February 17 2021, 6:15pm
Is it HUGE?
WOOF!
Is it FANTASTIC???
OH YEAH!
Is it MONDO BONDO???
RIGHT-A-ROONEY. ROSEMARY CLOONEY!!!
The Cryptic Corp and Residents' warehouse is BUSTIN' OUT ALL OVER!!! It's true, we have TOO MUCH PRODUCT and no place to put it, so... IT'S TIME FOR A SALE!
WE'VE GOT MASKS!!!!
That's right! The rest of the world has finally caught up with The Residents and EVERYONE IS WEARING A MASK!!! We've got two - The Intruders cover Mask and the Classic Eyeball Mask, and both are of course, MAJOR BITCHIN BOSSARAMA!
* Intruders Mask - $10 (100 Only)
* Classic Eyeball Mask - $15 (75 Only)
* Both for the incredibly low, one time offer of $20
WE'VE GOT BOBBLEHEADS!!!!
The Classic Residents Eyeball and Tuxedo Bobblehead is SOLD OUT EVERYWHERE except the Cryptic Archives and we've only got twenty, but you can have one, plus an OFFICIAL ARCHIVE CERTIFICATE, for a mere ONE HUNDRED QUANKERS!
The Mister Skull Bobblehead is not sold out (YET!!!). so you can buy one a little cheaper - only SEVENTY-FIVE SIMOLEONS, plus certificate, of course.
* Classic Residents Eyeball and Tuxedo Bobblehead plus Official Archive Certificate - $100 (20 Only)
* Mister Skull Bobblehead plus Official Archive Certificate - $75 (20 Only)
WE'VE GOT G3P LIVE AT THE MoMA!!!
Sure enough! This baby was a premium in The Residents God in 3 Persons at the Museum of Modern Art crowdfunding campaign and we have a few left for those unfathomable bozos who snoozed through the MAJOR CULTURAL EVENT of 2020 (OKAY! OKAY! admittedly, it was an off year). Regardless, for the low, low price of ONE HUNDRED SMACKEROONIES, you will receive both G3P Live at the MoMA Vinyl and CD.
* The Residents God in 3 Persons Live at the Museum of Modern Art LP & CD - $100 (Fifty Only)
* Archive Certificate - add $25
* Signed by THEM - add another $25
But, if you buy the WHOLE BUNDLE for the small sum of ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY CLAMS, we'll throw in BOTH THE CLASSIC EYEBALL MASK and the INTRUDERS MASK FOR FREE!!!! Is that a DEAL OR WHAT?
WE'VE ALSO GOT FLAT G3P LIVE AT THE MoMA POSTER PROGRAMS!!!!
This is a 24in X 36in flat, unfolded version of the God in 3 Persons Live at the MoMA poster program. The poster side was designed by the INCREDIBLE French Artiste Stephane Blanquet (look him up on Google - your mind will be blown!) Only 100 of these unfolded babies exist THROUGHOUT THE KNOWN UNIVERSE and we will ship one to you in a tube to make sure it stays that way. Only 100 buckaroos for this poster, destined to be a MASSIVE MEGA COLLECTIBLE - signed by THEM, of course.
* God in 3 Persons Live at the MoMA poster program/flat, mailed in tube - $100 (25 only)
So head on over to https://bigsale.residents.com/ and GET BUSY BUYIN'!
=== HEALER AND ARCHER AVAILABLE FOR AUCTION ===
Thursday, February 18 2021, 5:45pm
If the current sale of Archives overflow isn't enough for you, The Cryptic Corporation is also offering a singular item for auction...
A completely singular work of art, we hesitate to call this VINYL MASTERPIECE an "album."
Released in 2020 by the Dutch Label Astres d'Or in an edition of twenty-five, each album has a COMPLETELY UNIQUE AND ORIGINAL HAND PAINTED COVER by renown artiste Leigh Barbier. Spoken word set to music, the piece tells the story of a tragic love affair between a young shaman, blessed with all but mystical healing powers, and his older lover, a legendary archer, losing stature and esteem as archery fades before the INEVITABLE ONSLAUGHT OF FIREARMS. Got it? Probably not... Regardless, in a culture dominated by INSIPID AND FORGETTABLE POP drivel, why do The Residents continue to produce such IDIOSYNCRATIC AND COMMERCIALLY INSIGNIFICANT WORK? No one knows, but you have the chance to own a piece that is destined to become legendary among the annals of Residents' collectability.
(Note: The Cryptic Corporation only received twelve of these unique treasures. Three have already been sold to collectors, one went to Ms. Barbier, and two are in The Residents/Cryptic Archive - only one is being made available via auction at this time.)
* Healer and Archer - Single sided vinyl with hand painted cover; Number 7 in a limited edition of 25; sold by auction
Who can put a price on such a rare collectable? YOU CAN! That's how auctions work!
Bid via eBay, auction ends Thursday: https://www.ebay.com/itm/224356985032
=== Time's Running Out ===
Wednesday, February 24 2021, 10:02am
ALMOST GONE!!!! SALE ENDS AT MIDNIGHT FRIDAY!!!!
Yes, the sale is ALMOST OVER and thanks to you it was HUGELY SUCCESSFUL!!! The God in Persons Live at the MoMA is SOLD OUT and the Classic Eyeball Covid Mask is ALSO SOLD OUT!!! but we do have few EYEBALL and MISTER SKULL BOBBLEHEADS left, along with Intruders masks and God in 3 Persons Poster Programs, but the sale is ALMOST OVER so BE HASTY, NOT WASTEY and WISE!!! Buy now or forever HOLD YOUR FECES!!!!
(Both Bobbleheads come with this MONDO NIFTY certificate - only available HERE!!!)
And don't forget the eBay auction for a copy of The Healer and the Archer ends tomorrow! https://www.ebay.com/itm/224356985032
== See also ==
* News Machine
* Residents.com
* BOG
== External links and references ==
*The Residents' News Machine
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