Rico the Dog's Seaweed Farms Thread

The following is a thread on the character Rico the Pug on the fictional forum site Seaweed Farms from the episode of the same name, the following is supposed to be a fictional forum discussion made to resemble real forum sites, with each table in here resembling user comments on the thread. The story of Rico's life was written by Aeyen The Lobster.
Notes included here are:
*On each "comment", the large right part of it shows what the user said, when on the left it shows the user's username and profile, everyone commenting on the thread is a character from SpongeBob SquarePants, with each username being a link linking to a character on this wiki, the character the username links to are the character who that account belongs to, for example, the character Fred comments on this thread under the username "Fucky Star".
*If you want to edit in a comment on this thread, it must not be adding on to or including new information on the story of Rico's life, but should instead be a user reacting to something Rico did somehow or saying something relevant to the story such as a question, The comments should also be formatted correctly to resemble other comments.
*The dog in the photos who portrays Rico are actual photos of Aeyen The Lobster's dog in real life, the other characters are portrayed by plush toys and said actors were payed greatly, they can finally afford their dog and plush healthcare.
The following thread is located below.
==Rico Frankchesco / Rico the Dog / Mr. Giggles /Rico the Pug - Self-Proclaimed Faux Pug, Apathetic Nihilist who Wants His Family to Die, Number One Enemy of Pimps, Wife Cheater, Former Husband of an E-Thot, and Manchild Who Still Believes in Santa and Wants an Elf for Christmas and can Spend Days Sitting on His Bed==
 	
Null Moonfishtrue and honest site operator	December 23rd, 2022
Meet Rico:
This English bulldog has been a massive trainwreck for the past 30 years of his life it's honestly amazing a thread hasn't been made for this guy yet
==Beginnings (1989-2006)==
Rico was born on November 15th, 1989 to a Puerto Rican family that currently has very little information known about them, what is known is that both of his parents were bulldogs, and they both divorced after his birth and his dumbass mom burned her trailer she moved into down while cooking, she survived and decided to move far from the family. Meanwhile, Rico lived with his father, Chapen Frankchesco, in Puerto Rico, and lived a normal childhood and teen years lol jk he actually was a trainwreck.
Many of his posts are him explaining how he would constantly oogle over girls in middle-high school and make sexual comments towards them which caused him to be booted from some classes. He would also cut class, you would think he cut class to hang out with his friends when in reality he'd cut class to see some childrens films in the movie theater, he also said "the theater people weren't nice to me, I was just singing along with the film and some annoying mom told me to shut the fuck up", this guy's an unreliable narrator and we'll get to that shitfest later, meaning he was likely singing in his loud idiot-like voice. He unsurprisingly made little friends.
Rico also was obese back then to the point where some his parents had to hide some food from him, he also once ordered pizza when his dad told him not to, told the pizzaman to deliver it by the window so his dad wouldn't, and when this fatty was done, he chucked the boxes out the window. Thankfully he lost most of his fatassery over time, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. Also his father kicked him out of the house at age 18 when he learned how to drive and stuff, Rico no longer lives in Puerto Rico while his father still does.
==Relationship with Jayden (2007-2011)==
When Rico was booted out of his house, he made a FaceBook account, there he would post a lot of weird shit, such as furry fanart shipping himself with poorly drawn ocs, and taking selfies of himself with those fuckers drawn in them. He also lived in his car and claims that it was "normal cause his father told him".
Rico met his first love on December 27th, 2008, who's name is Jayden. She was unaware of his living conditions, but they became friends and Rico began spouting out bullshit, such as him claiming that he met Michael Jackson when he was younger at a children's playground and he also made up a bullshit story about how he survived a hot air balloon crash and was in a full body cast for 2 months. He also booked a hotel room at Point Pleasant and claimed that was his apartment room, during his 7 day stay at the hotel, he got engaged with Jayden, this happened on January 9th, 2009, almost only two weeks after they met, and she saw no problem.
During their 1 year time period being married, they did it doggystyle, and the birth was rough. Jayden's water broke and she begged him to drive her to a hospital, but Rico didn't want to miss the new SpongeBob episode so he stayed home while Jayden gave birth in their bathtub. They gave birth to a kid named Wakeen, who is an even bigger idiot than Rico, he made out with Barbie dolls for fucks sake. Rico and Jayden's marriage would end on November 29th, 2009, where Rico was caught texting a 12-year-old minor named JayleeBaybee who he sent his dick picks to, he didn't get in any legal trouble for this, but he went on a FaceBook tirade claiming that pedophilia isn't wrong, this caused his account to be banned and he and Jayden divorced.
Jayden died in July 2022 from unknown causes, her FaceBook account was inactive ever since she and Rico divorced.
==Post Marriage (2011-2013)==
Rico has a cousin named Niko Frankchesco, who is a fatass that watches Nascar and lives alone, but at least that's average shithead behavior and not the cow stuff Rico does. Wakeen was sent to live with Niko while Rico would live in the dumpy house that he and Jayden brought. Rico spent most of his money buying crap at Toys "R" Us and lived off of eating McDonald's before he was evicted because his stupid ass didn't know that he had to pay bills, as it was Jayden that mainly did that for him.
Rico would move in with Niko and Wakeen, and now that Nascar fan is gonna have to put up with two complete shitheads. Wakeen would constantly sexualize toys while Rico watched, and Rico made a YouTube channel full of his cow antics, there some of his adventures shown
*He saw a mall Santa with Wakeen, still believing that guy is real, and sat on his lap, he also got presents on Christmas that year, which Rico thinks were given to him by Santa, Niko confirmed on his FaceBook years later that he placed those presents under the tree, fearing that Rico would throw a tantrum if he woke up to nothing.
*He went to the edgy part of town and picked fights with random gangsters, he did this twice, both instances landed him in the hospital.
*On New Years Eve 2012, he went to a strip club with his son Wakeen, the video was removed from YouTube and he wrote a three paragraph essay on why it shouldn't, it was also eventually revealed that he took a stripper home and got beaten up by a pimp.
*He would tell Wakeen that Pretty Cure characters are real and they would instantly love him if they saw him, and Wakeen's stupid ass believed it, this later caused an incident where Wakeen saw a public cosplayer dressrf as a Pretty Cure character and Wakeen sexually assaulted her, this caused his entire family to be put on house arrest for one week.
*He would prank call places that should never be prank called, including 911 and a suicide hotline, he prank called 911 three times and that caused Niko to take his phone away.
He also began complaining that he's a "faux pug", instead of referring to himself as a bulldog.
He would gain internet infamy around mid 2013, where trolls began commenting on his videos and so he shut down the YouTube channel, claiming that trolls are useless bums who spend their time on nothing better, lol look in the mirror. His infamy didn't stop there, he and Wakeen made more YouTube channels, all of which because of Rico got "shut down because the trolls ruin everything".
Rico made a video revealing his public address for fan mail (thinking he even has fans), but the trolls then harassed him, constantly delivering pizza to his address and he was even swatted at one point. During the swatting he assumed the SWAT team were "ninjas sent to attack him", and so he kicked one SWAT member in the nuts which caused him a one month jail sentence. After that incident Niko was fed up with him, and so he kicked Rico out of his house. Rico still blames all of his bad deeds on the trolls as he went to live in his car again.
==Second Marriage (2014-2020)==
In July 2014, Rico met with Zebra, an E-whore with an Instagram account that somehow fell for Rico. They both did a lot of stuff together, one of said things is punching a worker at Jenkinsons Boardwalk when he refused to let them have the winning prize at a game. It's safe to assume Zebra's as much of an elite dipshit like Rico is.
Rico and Zebra married in August 2015, there Rico would start claiming he's a pimp, he would also get a job as a night club DJ, he was fired when he kept playing songs from children's animated movies. After being fired, Rico went on a tirade and began hating children. He even punched a four year old at the park for watching YouTube Kids, landing him in jail for five fucking months.
2016-2019 was very uneventful, just Rico living with Zebra, having sex with her, spering on Facebook, provoking the "trolls", and he also shoplifted toys and got arrested for it like 8 times during that period, there are some highlights though on his FaceBook posts.
In 2020, during the global pandemic, Rico went full on anti-masker, he ran into Walmart in April 2020 to go buy some toys for himself, and got kicked out of the store. He also didn't get any presents from "Santa" that year because Zebra, who gave him presents each Christmas fearing he will have a manchild rage if he didn't get any, couldn't buy presents likely from the pandemic. He then sperged on Facebook asking why he was naughty that year, you'd think this help him fix himself from being such as dipshit and criminal, but no, he thought that he "was too good for presents".
Rico also suffered from testicular cancer, and so he was neutered in October 2020.
==Modern Day (2021-Present)==
In December 2021, Niko felt that he should have a small family get-together for the holidays, and so he and Wakeen saw what they could do. They saw if they could visit Rico's father, but to no avail. They visited the house and Rico and Zebra, and Rico was constantly being an apathetic dipshit to them. He claimed that they're the ones who ruined his life and that they could "fuck off", despite Niko trying his best to be nice to him to him and claiming that kicking him out of the house was too harsh, also Wakeen's still a giant dumbass. 
They did many activities together, all of which resulted in Rico doing nothing but bitch about everything. When they drove Rico to see the town's Christmas tree, he jumped out of the car on the highway and acted like he was on a mission to run back home, they had to send a search party into the woods to find him. Also when they went sleigh riding Rico argued with a child for saying that some random animated kids movie sucked. When they were at home for Christmas it was awful as well, Rico did nothing but watch the film 12 Dogs of Christmas non-stop and argued about his family being bad, while Wakeen constantly humped the television. Troll activity also skyrocketed here, they constantly delivered presents to his address that they claimed came from Santa Claus, and Niko and Zebra decided not to give him presents due to the trolls doing their job. On December 24th, 2021, due to Zebra seeing Rico's true behavior, she decided that she wants to divorce him, to which Rico went on an arguement about, he claimed that since he's on Santa's nice list, Zebra should smash him.
After that incident, Wakeen and Niko decided it's best to not see Rico again, while Zebra still has to put up with his shit, not really sure why, Rico dosen't work any jobs and Zebra get's tons of money every month from her OnlyFans account. On July 2nd, 2022 after months of Rico begging, she decided to get a Brazilian Butt Lift, she got surgery at Columbia like Rico suggested, the surgery killed her. Rico then made a FaceBook post following her death saying "She died cause the world couldn't handle her beauty, R.I.P🍑❤❤".
Rico now lives alone, his family won't visit him, his E-whore wife is dead cause he wanted her to have a fat ass, and I didn't mention this before, but there are multiple times when Rico lays on his bed doing nothing, sometimes days at a time, he's probably doing that right now. With nobody to give him money or pay bills, it's only a matter of time before he gets evicted, at least the trolls will be mailing him Christmas gifts.
 	
Fucky Starnihilistic weeb	December 23rd, 2022
I don't understand how Zebra manages to put up with this dog's BS, do you think she has a manchild fetish or something, cause no E-whore would be married to a man like him for almost 6 years.
 	
Job Fighterelite anti-worker	December 23rd, 2022
With a face like that this mf can pass off as a Star Wars alien, I have a neighbor just like this and at least he knows how to pay his bills and live in a house
 	
Fucky Starnihilistic weeb	December 23rd, 2022
It's shocking you forgot to mention this guy's hygiene, he barely brushes his teeth, with his teeth about to rot out, and he only shows like twice a month with a hose, he does this cause his shower broke and has a fear of wasting water.
 	
Sodrosthis world is messed up	December 23rd, 2022
The past couple of weeks some troll has been pretending to be Santa and constantly mailed him letters saying he'll give him an elf for Christmas, and Rico now thinks this Elf will kill all the trolls and be his girlfriend or some shit.
 	
Le Funny Puffemodern memes haha funny	December 23rd, 2022
Imagine doing so much messed up cow antics that you make people gloss over your child grooming like it's nothing.
 	
Johnny Sitsmust document the cows	December 23rd, 2022
He keeps spamming on his FaceBook account that he's excited for Christmas Eve tomorrow and his fun packed day, why exactly would he be excited, his wife is dead and his family won't visit him and he will probably spam even more when he finds out he aint getting that elf for Christmas, so what's his idea of a fun packed day exactly? Judging by some of his Facebook posts he leaves his house like once a week and has never had any fun outside of his house, so he'll probably just be laying in bed again.
 	
Pay Attentionlook at yourselves idiots	December 23rd, 2022
Excellent find OP, this is probably the best lolcow in years, i'm pretty sure Patchy the Pirate will win this site's Lolcow of the Year award though, but this guy should definitely be in the top 5.
 	
Sodrosthis world is messed up	December 24th, 2022
== UPDATE ==
Wakeen had just died, he was found hanged in Niko's house.
{| class="article table mw-collapsible mw-collapsed" data-expandtext="Spoiler" data-collapsetext="Spoiled"
 	
 	
Pay Attentionlook at yourselves idiots	December 24th, 2022
Why tf is everybody in this family always dying? It's like this family is cursed by Rico's dumbassness or something. TBH Wakeen's death is probably the best thing to have happened to Niko in a while.
 	
Sodrosthis world is messed up	December 25th, 2022
Rico just woke up to a Christmas tree with nothing underneath it, not even his elf, and so he just went on another FaceBook rant, claiming that the trolls have broken into the North Pole and wrote his name on Santa's Naughty List.
== Character Account Guide ==
The following is a guide to the people in this thread, with this chart showing who each account belongs to or is run by.
Profile	Name 	Character Owning the Account	Notes
 	Null Moonfish 	Josh "Null" Moonfish 	
* This character is the owner and site operator of Seaweed Farms.
 	Fucky Star 	Fred 	
* This character browses Seaweed Farms on his own time.
 	Job Fighter 	Squidward Q. Tentacles 	
* Squidward browses Seaweed Farms on his own time, which is unusual considering he got into a controversy with the site regarding his boyfriend Kabby Dai.
 	Sodros 	Bubble Bass 	
* Bubble Bass spends a lot of time browsing Seaweed Farms and has more than 150 comments.
 	Le Funny Puffe	Man Ray 	
* This character browses Seaweed Farms on his own time.
 	Johnny Sits 	Frankie-Billy 	
* This character browses Seaweed Farms on his own time.
 	Pay Attention 	Charlie 	
* This character browses Seaweed Farms on his own time.
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