A Christmas Cartel

"A Christmas Cartel" is the Season 4 premiere of Life in Bikini Bottom, and the 46th overall. It was released as a surprise Christmas special, the only one of the series.
==Characters==
TBA
==Synopsis==
In a rendition of A Christmas Carol, Mr. Kraps is visited by three ghosts who come to teach him the true meaning of Christmas.
==Plot==
The episode begins with a shot of Bikini Bottom, which is snowing and filled with Christmas decorations. “ST. STONE (LET IT GLOW)” by Yvng Danny plays in the background and we cut to SpongeCock’s pinyapple which has a banner saying “MERRY CLITMAS” and strings of lights all around it. There is also an inflatable Santa which is somewhat ripped and has stains. We cut inside to see SpongeCock sitting on his couch, bong in hand as he begins to take a rip. 
“Yep, that’s that good shit,” he says while coughing. Fatprick then walks over with a suitcase in hand. “Yo SpongeCock, I’m off to see the fam,” he says. “Can I borrow some of them decorations?” “You wish, you’re not getting that Clitmas sign off over my dead body. I won that at a Hooters motorboating contest!” Fatprick sighs and flips him the bird. “Also, since when do you see your family on Christmas? Usually you just come with me to my parents to get hammered and eat Chinese food.” “My dad’s been wanting to link up with me since we went to New Kelp City, and the only way he can apologize is through a Christmas carol duet on the toilet,” Fatprick clarifies. “Hey, where’s X and Sully?” He asks. “They’re out trying to sneak into Area 51 to meet up with the other ‘dead’ rappers,” SpongeCock answers.
[cuts to X and Sully trying to sneak around the corner as they break through a window. Sully gets up and lets out a “yeah” before he turns around to see a bunch of other squids. “Sully, is that you?,” an older female who looks like Sully asks. “Mom? Dad?” he looks shocked for a minute before his expression turns normal. “They said they were aliens, didn’t they?” “They said we were aliens.”]
“Say, before I leave, you think you can load me up with that ice cream cake, ya know what I’m saying,” Fatprick nudges. “Fatprick, I can see the ice cream cake dripping out of your suitcase, G,” SpongeCock says before it shows a close up of his suitcase leaking and eventually exploding onto the floor. “Here, take some fruitcake, it’s more festive,” he says as he loads some into the suitcase. “It’s, uh, enchanted if you know what I mean,” as he winks. Fatprick winks back as he rolls off the screen. SpongeCock falls back in his couch, letting out a “this holiday’s boring as hell, at least I ain’t gotta work,” before packing another bowl. Meanwhile, Fricky walks downstairs.
“Dad, it’s Christmas Eve, can’t we do something other than get baked and watch hentai?” “Come on, you get to see grandma and grandpa tomorrow,” SpongeCock tells him off. “Lemme have this day off, Old Man Kraps hasn’t let me skip a day ever since we started working again. Motherfucker’s tryna save all shit we lost, I’ve been working Sundays and shit,” SpongeCock says as starts lighting the bowl. “But today’s Sunday,” Fricky points out. SpongeCock barely glances up for a second. “Wow, Fricky, no way! Almost like I don’t give a shit,” he says as he takes a hit from the bong. “Besides, Kraps won’t care, it’s a holiday.”
We immediately cut to the Krusty Kock where SpongeCock is sitting in front of Kraps’ desk. “So what made you think it was okay to SKIP WORK WITHOUT TELLING ME!” “Bitch, it’s Christmas Eve, hop off my nuts. I had shit to do, like uh, Christmas shopping and all that.” “Yeah right,” Kraps denies. “You were definitely hitting your bong while watching hentai and telling your son that you didn’t care about skipping work tomorrow.” “Well uh, yeah, but I was gonna do shit after that!” Fricky claims. “You’re already lucky I’m giving you tomorrow off. TWO DAYS IN A ROW IS A LOT OF DRUGS TO MISS OUT ON SELLING! NOW GET YOUR ASS IN THE KITCHEN OR ELSE NO LOLA BUNNY BDSM PORN AS PAYMENT FOR A WHOLE MONTH!” SpongeCock rolls his eyes. “You’re a shitty boss, ya know that?” “Well I hate this holiday,” Kraps gets up from his desk. “Back in my days, it was Merry Christmas, NOT Happy Holidays! Then these woke libtards ruined it,” Kraps complains. “Here we go…” SpongeCock mumbles under his breath. “Well, Bah Humduck! It’s a cock sucking Hallmark Holiday. Plus, NO ONE WANTS TO BUY ME KUSH! Apparently no one wants weed as a Christmas present.” “Uh, I’d fucking LOVE weed as a present-” “WHY AREN’T YOU BACK TO WORK!” SpongeCock gets up, puts on his hat and leaves the office. “Cheap bitch,” he mutters.
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… AIDS.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… herpes.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… chlamydia.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… syphilis.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… FIVE GENITAL WAAAAAARTS.
“Uh, how many do we have left,” Ken Stringfellow says, as it shows The Posies singing the theme song. “Seven more,” Jon Auer shows a piece of paper with the rest of the lyrics. “Fuck that shit, I have my own song for this,” Ken says, as he shows the rest of the guys. “Ready?”
Deck the halls with oughs and aughing
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
’Tis the season to suck cocks, bitch
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
Don we now our cumfellow undies
Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la
We’re making Christmas songs for Life in Bikini Bottom because I’m a registered sex offender and pedophile and be poopfellowing and shit
Camera zooms out to see every other member staring at Ken as he holds the note, looks around and pauses for a second.
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
The episode cuts to the main room of the Krusty Kock, as Shitward is at the register. “Welcome to the Krusty Kock, the fuck you want,” he asks. “Man… I just need a dimebag of that Cumfellow Diesel.” “Just a dime bag, no bundle deals?” “Man, fuck those bundle deals. We’ve all know your shit’s laced, I can’t give that for Christmas. But man, I do need that solo fix for tomorrow.” Shitward rolls his eyes. “That’ll be $10,” he says, as they exchange the weed and money. The customer walks away as Kraps busts his door down. “ANOTHER ONE!” “Fukumean, I just sold a dime bag!” “That’s ALL we’ve been selling! I have some insane deals, like, a fourth of Coral Kush for $200!” “That’s not a deal! Plus, you’ve started adding fent to the recipe and people are catching on!” “Either way, we’re losing money and not getting back our Covid losses.” “Mr. Kraps, what exactly do you think our ‘Covid losses’ were? And fuck you for making us do this shit on Christmas Eve!”
“THAT’S IT!” EVERYONE OUT, EMERGENCY EMPLOYEE MEETING!” SpongeCock busts down the kitchen door. “The fuck are you waffling about?” “We ain’t selling shit, which means I’m losing me money… ON CHRISTMAS EVE!” “First of all, it’s our money,” Shitward says, and SpongeCock adds “and second, WHY’D YOU MAKE US COME IN ON CHRISTMAS EVE!” “SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT CHRISTMAS EVE! It’s not a real holiday! Neither is Christmas,” Kraps says. “Listen, Christmas might be boring, but hey, people like it and shit. I get to chill with my son, who’s okay, ya know?” SpongeCock says. “When I think of Christmas, the only good thing I think of is business. But we can’t even get that. We need some new shit fast so I can mix it with the fent, and boom, everyone gets addicted and we sell out.” SpongeCock and Shitward both shake their heads at each other. “Then, when we finally make some money, I’ll let you guys out. But until then, GET ER GOING!” SpongeCock gets up from his stool. “Fine, might as well make a new concoction to pass the time,” he says as he slams the kitchen door behind him. “SpongeCock has a point, why do you hate Christmas so much?” “None of your business. Now if you excuse me, I need to go rest on my pile of money. Which is looking slightly shorter now,” Kraps utters as he goes back to his office. “Communism will NEVER WORK in this country,” he says as he closes the door.
SpongeCock is at his grill as he pulls out several grams of weed. “Aight, some Coral Kush, Cumfellow Diesel, and Gingerbread Cookie OG, for real,” he says, as he mixes them together. Add that peppermint dust,” he says, as he sprinkles some on. “That cinnamon shit for the spice,” he says, as he sprinkles more on. “And a splash of egg nog on god.” he pours some on as he puts it all in a bag. “One hit of this and you’ll be having a holly jolly fucking Christmas,” SpongeCock says as he grabs his bong. He smokes a bowl of his creation as his eyes widen. “Holy shit. This is the best pack I’ve ever made,” he says, going for another rip. “This will-” *coughs* “show this fat bastard what the true meaning of Christmas is! To get baked and watch… other porn besides hentai.”
SpongeCock busts down the door connected to Kraps’ office as he sees him fucking his money stash. “Kraps, check this out. This pack will give you all the Christmas spirit you can handle. I call it Christmas Tree OG.” “I’ll be the judge of that.” SpongeCock passes Kraps a bong as he takes a hit. He breathes it in and lets it go as he stops for a moment. “Hey, this ain’t half bad,” he says. The camera quickly cuts to SpongeCock as he nods. “It would be even better with le fent!” he says, as he reaches over and grabs a container labeled with “Fentanyl.” SpongeCock knocks it out of his hand. “Why do you need fent? It gives you all the Christmas cheer you can have, and all that bullshit, we white as fuck for real.” “I don’t care about all that. I just want people to rush back and be addicted to this shit! I need more money to splooge inside,” Kraps says, grabbing the bag of weed. “Kraps, I swear to fuck, you’ll regret adding fent to that,” SpongeCock warns.
“The fuck is going on?” Shitward asks as he opens the door. “This cheap bastard is lacing the Christmas Tree OG!” “Oh HELL nah!” Shitward yells. He runs over and takes the bag from Kraps, who pounces on him and causes the bag to go flying. “NOOOO!!!! NOT THE LOUD!” SpongeCock yells. He dives over to catch the bag as Kraps also pins him down. “Get off, fatfuck!” “Never!” Kraps yells, as the bag of weed falls and empties all over the floor. In retaliation, SpongeCock reaches for the container of fentanyl and slams it on the ground, causing its contents to spill onto the floor as well. “NOOOO!!!! NOT THE FENT!” Kraps yells. “You ruined my secret weapon!” Kraps says as he stands up and lets Shitward up. “You ruined the Christmas pack! I didn’t even get to smoke it!” “Don’t worry, Shit, I’ll cook up another batch,” SpongeCock reassures him. “Oh no you won’t! I think you two helped enough today,” Kraps yells. “GET LOST! And don’t bother sleeping in tomorrow, you’re coming to work tomorrow too!” “IT’S CHRISTMAS YOU FAT FUCK-” “EXACTLY! Pack it up,” he says, as he kicks both of them out of his office and they walk out shaking their heads.
Kraps gets up and wipes the excess weed off of him. “If I can’t have a good holiday, neither can those two goons,” he says, as he puts on a glove and scrapes the spilled fent back into the jar. “At least this is still good. Maybe I can still make a profit off this,” he says, also picking up the dropped Christmas Tree OG. “Those suckers can’t resist some Christmas spirit, or fentanyl. Combine the two and I’ll be making enough money to buy out the strip club just for me daughter! Not like, uh, I’d do that or anything, heheh. Of course not, I mean- whatever.” Kraps puts the laced weed onto his desk as he hops on top of his pile of cash. “Now, time for a well deserved snooze to celebrate my slave master ways.” Kraps shuts his eyes and begins to snore before a loud noise is heard. Lightning appears as the noise is revealed to be thunder, and Kraps opens his eyes. “The hell? Must be me anus,” he says, going back to sleep. More thunder is heard as a hologram pops up in front of Kraps. “Eugene,” it says, as Kraps jumps up and hides in the corner. He shivers for a second before looking up and looking confused. “Trump?”
“Yes, it is me, Donald Trump. First Eugene, I must thank you for being one of my most faithful supporters,” Trump says. “You got that right. The second you brought up banning the Muslims, I knew I made the right choice voting for you.” “Yes of course, but this is a more pressing matter, even more than my cock against my pants when I see a 13 year old. Clearly, Eugene, you have a problem with Christmas.” “Well… uh… you gotta understand, Donald!” Kraps exclaims. “You have a big family, it’s a nuisance!” “See, this is where you’re wrong. Personally, I love Christmas. It makes me think about all the elections I can steal like I’m the Grinch. It turns me on,” Trump says. “Now, personally, I just wanted to visit to make sure you were still planning on voting for me.” “Of course Donny! I’m your most loyal patriot! I even think of you whenever I make sweet, sweet love to my money!” “Great, love to hear it. That’s all I wanted to hear, but I’m also supposed to tell you that three ghosts are visiting you to change your mind about Christmas. I don’t know why me, I don’t care enough about it. They offered me a lot of KFC though.” “Trump, please, I just don’t like Christmas. If you tell them ghosts to fuck off I’ll let you have Pearl for a night.” “Wait. Pearl?” Trump asks. “You mean… the one who pisses? And you also mean… the one in the piss porn Renaud was supposed to shoot for me?” “Yes, that one, now go before she’s on her period again!” “Say less, Eugene. Donny to the rescue!” He says, as he shuts off the hologram. “See, Christmas is just a myth,” Kraps says as he falls back asleep. He goes back to snoring “money money money… Trump 2024… money money money… I’d fuck Trump’s corpse when he dies.”
Kraps is seen sleeping again, rolling over on his pile of money. Meanwhile, the camera cuts to his office door as the middle of it turns green for a second. An ominous noise is also heard, as Kraps continues to snore. The screen flashes black and white as a ghost that looks like Mrs. Puss appears. “BOO!” she yells, as Kraps jumps up from his sleep and shrieks. “P-p-p-puss?! What are you doing here, I thought you were dead!” “I am! I’m a ghost, you fuckwad,” she says, as she reaches her arm out and zaps Kraps with her ghost powers. “Not only am I Mrs. Puss, but I’m also the Ghost of Christmas Past. I’m here to show you where it all went wrong for you,” she says. “No thanks! First you cheat on me, and now you’re trying to get me to like Christmas. Nope, not happening,” he says, as she zaps him again. “ARGH! Okay fine.” “Actually, that one was for fucking my corpse after I was executed. You need to see a doctor for that shit.” Puss motions towards Kraps, dragging him up and causing him to levitate. “Come with me, we’re taking a trip back to your childhood,” she says, as the screen flashes white with Kraps screaming in the background.
We cut to a flashback where Kraps is in high school, surrounded by a group of his friends. Kraps and Puss both appear in the background. “What are we doing at me high school? And why do I look like such a dork?” “Please, Eugene, you still look like one.” “Yet you let me hit, didn’t you?” “Not the point! Look!” Puss says as she points at the scene.
Kraps and five of his friends are participating in a white elephant gift exchange, as four of his friends have presents and him and one other still have to go. “Alright Gene, it’s your turn,” one of them says. “Oh boy!” Kraps reaches for one of the two gifts still remaining. He opens it and suddenly becomes mesmerized by it, as a glow is surrounding it as he lifts it up. “No way,” he exclaims as the present is revealed to be weed. “The new Purple Krab OG! I’ve been wanting this for months, none of me plugs had it in stock!” The present day Kraps looks on from the back. “Hey, this ain’t so bad, that’s still me favorite strain.” Puss shushes him as the scene continues. “Last but not least, Sheldon, you’re up.” Sheldon Bastard then starts going over towards the present.
“BASTARD?! He looks uh… fatter,” modern Kraps says. “He’s lost a lot, don’t you remember?” “Oh yeah.” Bastard opens the present, which is revealed to be a pink dress. “Oh HELL nah!” Bastard says, as everyone laughs, including Kraps. “Suck it, Sheldon. How does it feel knowing you’re stuck in a dress?” “Except I’m not, dumbass. I can trade this away! Speaking of which, that Purple Krab OG looks loud as fuck.” “Oh no you don’t! That’s me favorite str-” “You know the rules, Gene,” Bastard reminded him. Kraps rolls his eyes and reluctantly trades presents. The rest of his friends start laughing as he’s now holding the dress, as he starts to cry.
“Wait, I don’t remember that,” modern Kraps tells Puss. “You repressed that and all of your other anti-Christmas memories. It was simply too bad that it made you hate Christmas.” Kraps looks down for a second before shaking his head. “Yeah, and I still hate it. The only thing it makes me think of is poisoning everyone’s stash and making bank off of it. Now let me go back to me slumber!” “Alright Eugene, if you insist, but I warned you,” Puss says, as the camera flashes white and Kraps returns to his office. He looks flustered as he gets up from his money pile.
“I’m not fucking around anymore,” he says, as he gets up and grabs the fentanyl container. “I need to get this brewing before the next gnarly dude jumps me! If Puss wasn’t white I would’ve thought I was being robbed! Just another thing Trumpy bear would do better than Sleepy Joe!” Kraps opens the Christmas Tree OG bag and starts to dump it onto his desk. “Alright, just about there,” he says, as a slight creaky noise is heard. “What the f-” Kraps turns around to see that his safe is slightly opened. “NOT ME MONEY!” Kraps dives over towards the safe and shuts it closed again. “Phew, that was close.” A ghost then appears behind Kraps, which is revealed to be Pissing Pearl. “Damn, got your cheap ass! I knew you’d fall for that.”
“PEARL?!” Kraps yells as he puts his claws up. “I don’t care if you’re my daughter, you’re still a gho-” “The Ghost of Christmas Present, yes,” Pearl says as she rolls her eyes. “Dad, it’s about time you’ve learnt the true meaning of Christmas,” she says, as he looks around. “Buying me everything I want! A new car, new clothes, a new phone, a new-” “Alright, alright,” Kraps quiets her down. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.” “Well, I am the Ghost of Christmas PRESENT, and you haven’t given me a PRESENT in..” Pearl then looks to the side like she’s listening to someone. “Oh, not that present? The other- oh. Why am I doing this, I make enough money pissing on people for their kinks.” Kraps laughs. “So, am I off the hook?” “NO! In fact, you’re in deep shit, daddy!” “Look Pearl, I know I’m not perfect,” Kraps says. “But I try my best, and that’s all that matters. Hell, you could ask anyone about me. They love me!” “Oh yeah? How about we ask your two employees, huh?” Kraps laughs again. “Arghargharghargh! They practically worship me! I told their sorry asses to come in on Christmas Eve and they listened! They basically hand me their money at this point-” “JUST COME WITH ME!” Pearl says, as the screen flashes white and they appear in ghost form in Shitward’s house.
Shitward is seen preparing for bed, as he takes his shirt off to see a six pack of abs. “Wow, I didn’t know Shitward was so… hot,” Pearl says. She then shakes her head. “Nevermind, I gotta lock in.” Shitward goes over to his bed, next to his clarinet. “Can you believe it, Clary? That fat red fuck has me working overtime on Christmas!” Kraps looks phased for a second before shrugging it off. “Technically it’s not overtime because I’m not paying him extra,” he corrects him. “I know Clary, Kraps is a bitch. Here, let me bring you closer,” Shitward says, as he grabs his clarinet and starts moaning. It cuts back to Kraps and Pearl.
“You learn anything yet, daddy?” “I sure did!” Kraps exclaims. “I hired a fucking freak! At least shove your cock in a hot instrument, like a saxophone!” Pearl slaps him. “No! You ruined his Christmas.” “Pffft, I’ve had plenty of Christmasses ruined. I’m just passing it on,” Kraps clarifies. “Besides, I can replace Shitward easy. SpongeCock is who REALLY puts the magic in our weed.” “Oh yeah? Well lucky for you, we’re paying him a visit next,” Pearl says, as the screen flashes white and they appear in SpongeCock’s pinyapple.
SpongeCock opens the door with a blunt in hand, passing by Fricky on the couch. “Ready for tomorrow, dad?” “Nope. That cumguzzler Kraps is making me go in.” Fricky has a deadpan expression. “But what about grandma and grandpa-” “We can’t see them.” “But dad, that’s the one day a year we get to get drunk and eat Chinese food!” “Yeah, well, blame my bitch ass boss. Motherfucker has to ruin everything, even Christmas,” SpongeCock says. “Want a hit?” Fricky shrugs as he grabs the blunt and takes a hit of it. “What’s this, I’ve never had it?” “Oh, I just whipped it up. It’s that Christmas Tree OG shit. Stole some from work, Kraps ain’t fucking with my shit no more.” They dap each other up as Kraps is shown to be enraged. 
“Stealing from Krusty Kock property, ey?” “That’s not the problem, dad,” Pearl says, slapping him across the face. “Don’t you see? Both of them cleary had Christmas plans and you ruined them!” “So what, now Shitward can’t jizz in Clary’s G hole and SpongeCock can’t get plastered with his son, big deal. At least I’ll be raking in the cash!” “Whatever. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. Maybe you’ll have a change of heart eventually,” Pearl says. “Doubt it,” Kraps responds. “Just take me back.” Pearl rolls her eyes as she snaps her fingers and Kraps is back in his office, pacing the floor.
“Okay, so two of them got to me now. I can’t let them triple team me! Drastic times call for drastic measures,” Kraps says as he pounds his fist. He then opens his desk and pulls up a bunch of boards, barricading every door to his office. “Aha! And for good measure…” he says before also boarding up his safe. “There. Now this place is completely ghost proof!” Kraps then yawns as he pushes his pile of money back together and hops on top. He takes out the weed and fentanyl as he acts like he’s about to pour the fent in. “No one can stop me now!” He says, before it cuts to the door as a green spot appears on it briefly. The green cloud is now in the air, as Kraps’ eyes are wide open. “Are you f-” he says before getting cut off by the ghost fully forming, which is shown to be Scotty. “Boo, Uncy Kraps!” “WHAT THE! HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE!” “I’m a ghost, wood doesn’t stop me, tard-tard! Even I know that and my IQ’s in the negatives!” “Scotty, get lost! I’ve already gotten jumped by my ex and my own daughter, I don’t need me nephew getting in on the action too!” Scotty slaps him across the face. “HEY!” Kraps yells. “Uncy Kraps, I’m the Ghost of Christmas Future. Puss and Pearl didn’t know you to persuade you, but I do!”
“Yeah, maybe you do. After all, they’re both women, and I’ve been raising you to be a true Trumper alpha male!” Scotty nods his head. “Come with me, you gotta see some shit,” he says, as he snaps his fingers and they change locations. Both of them are now at a graveyard, sitting in the back as a funeral is going on. The camera cuts to the coffin as Kraps is shown laying in it and a picture of him is displayed to the side. “Here lies Eugene F. Kraps, 1942-2030” is written on the tombstone. “What the hell? What are we doing at my own funeral?” “Just see!” Scotty warns him.
“We gather here to celebrate the life of Eugene Fucking Kraps,” the priest says. “Before we officially begin the procession, I’d like to invite a few of Eugene’s closest friends and family members to speak a few words on his behalf.” The priest comes down from the stage and SpongeCock comes up. “See, these people will vouch for me,” Kraps says. “Did you learn anything from the Ghost of Christmas Present?” Scotty asks. Kraps rolls his eyes as SpongeCock begins his speech.
“You know, I’ve worked for Kraps for many years, and I always thought he was a great boss,” SpongeCock starts. Kraps then looks at Scotty. “See?” “I now realize that he’s a GREAT BIG CUN-tinuing source of annoyance. He’s a piece of shit, is what I mean,” SpongeCock clarifies. Kraps puts his head in his claws. “I’m doomed.” The funeral then cuts to Shitward’s speech. “Had us working our asses off, underpaid us, laced our boof, sucked at rapping, and even ruined our Christmas every year. Not cool.” Scotty then glances at Kraps. “Starting to catch on for you?” “Pffft, that’s nothing. I don’t give a shit about what me employees say. My family will always back me u-” “My dad is a greedy, useless fuck,” Pearl says, pissing herself at the podium. “NOT ME PEARL!” Kraps says. 
“He always cared about money and fent over me. Instead of being the most important woman in his life, he hired a prostitute and asked her to shove money up her ass and shit it out! He also tried to get me to use my piss for… other reasons.” “Come on!” Kraps yells. “It was completely warranted!” Kraps then breaks down and sobs as it cuts to Scotty’s speech. “Uncy Kraps was a big fat doo-doo head!,” he says, as the entire audience starts laughing, even the priest. Kraps stops crying and then gets mad at Scotty’s ghost. “SCOTTY!” “Hey, I had to entertain the crowd,” he justifies. “But keep watching.” Scotty’s speech at the podium then continues. “But you know what, he was overall a fine uncle. He even made us that new holiday batch, seven years strong,” Scotty says, as he pulls out a bong filled with the Christmas Tree OG. “HELL YEAH!” Everyone in the crowd yells as they all pull out a bong and start smoking the Christmas pack. “AHA! So the Christmas Tree OG is a total hit!” Kraps says. “I knew I was in the right all along!” Kraps says to Scotty. Scotty then shakes his head and points back at the crowd.
The future Scotty is still taking hits as he suddenly starts choking and drops the bong. “Oh god… oh fuck…” he says, as he starts shitting blood and suddenly drops to the floor. Everyone in the audience gasps. “That fat bastard! He put too much fent this time!” SpongeCock warns everyone, as he starts to collapse as well. Suddenly, everyone drops their bongs and starts to run around, each dropping one by one as Scotty and Kraps look on. “Nice work, Uncy Kraps,” Scotty says to him. Kraps looks on confused, almost mesmerized as he puts his claws to his head. “Wow… look what I’ve done,” he says as Scotty nods his head. “Yep. You ruined Christmas for everyone, all because you couldn’t stand it yourself. Got anything to say for yourself?” Kraps nods his head. “You know, Scotty, I think I’ve had a breakthrough.” Scotty puts his claw around Kraps’ shoulders. “And?” Kraps stops looking solemn and now has a big grin on his face. “EVERYONE LOOKS SO PEACEFUL! ME HORNY FOR CORPSES!” “NO!” Kraps then jumps into the crowd and starts ravaging around while Scotty looks appalled. 
“THAT’S NOT THE BREAKTHROUGH I WAS LOOKING FOR!” Scotty picks up his phone and dials it, as Pearl and Puss show up on a split screen. “What’s up, Future,” Pearl says. “Going codeine crazy?” “Kraps is going corpse crazy and I need backup! Come to the future, ASAP!” “We’re on it!” Puss says, as Kraps is still shown rolling around, pulling down his pants and making squeaking noises with all the corpses. “This is WAY better than Christmas! Say, this is MY funeral…” he says, as he then looks at his corpse in the coffin. “Eh, what the fuck,” he says, as he pounces on his own corpse and starts going to town. Scotty is still looking confused at the whole scene as Pearl and Puss’ ghosts start levitating behind him. “Oh god, this is bad!” Pearl shrieks. “He’s going harder on his asshole than he ever went on mine!” Puss complains. All three of the ghosts float over to Kraps as they all start dragging him off of his coffin.
“Come on, fatass, stop violating yourself,” Scotty yells, as Kraps still his claws grabbed around his own dick. “Must… fuck… dead body…” Kraps says, as he slowly loses his grip. “Harder, Scotty!” Pearl says as she is on the ground, holding Puss back as she holds Scotty back. Eventually, all of them fall, as Kraps falls from the coffin which drops into the hole next to the tombstone. All of them are taken aback from the impact of the fall. Kraps is face first on the ground, still making moaning noises. All three ghosts flip him over and get him to stand up.
“Dad, snap out of it!” Pearl says, as Kraps finally starts speaking again. “Augh… I’m so full of corpse cum…” “Eugene, you’ve gone too far this time. Can’t you see that your hatred of Christmas is making everyone else miserable?” “Wait, I just realized,” Kraps says. “If you’re all ghosts, that means you have corpses somewhere too! Where are you all bur-” Puss zaps him and causes him to stumble, eating shit on the ground. “Dad, I know you don’t like Christmas. You don’t have to. But the point of Christmas is to have them close times with your family. It’s for our family to enjoy each other, SpongeCock’s family to enjoy themselves, and Shitward… to enjoy his clarinet.” “Yeah, and for the love of god, DON’T lace the Christmas Tree OG,” Scotty tells him. “Believe me, that pack is fire enough for you to make money. You don’t need to put the donut powder in it too.” “Uh, what exactly do you think fentanyl is?” Pearl asks him. “I dunno. I dunno a lot of things. Well, what do you say, Uncy Kraps?”
Kraps looks down as he lets out a sigh. “You know, I let my delusions get the best of me. I guess… I guess I can be a little nicer around the holidays. I’m sorry being a stuck-up prick.” He then gets up to hug Pearl and Scotty, leaving Puss out as Pearl looks back at her. “Don’t you see what he just did to your corpses? And my corpse 7 years ago?” “Fair enough,” Pearl fires back.”
The screen then flashes white, as we are brought back to the present day. Kraps is still sleeping on his money pile as he wakes up. He goes over to his desk, which still has the Christmas Tree OG and fentanyl. He nods his head as he puts each into its separate bag, putting the container of fentanyl back in his safe. “Maybe another day,” he says, as he puts the unlaced Christmas Tree OG back in the kitchen. He then checks his watch, which says 8:59 AM as he goes to open the door for SpongeCock and Shitward. Both of them have blunts in their mouths.
“To this fucking red bastard,” SpongeCock says, as Shitward daps him up. “Amen.” Kraps then opens the door and lets out a sigh. “Ah, Kraps, ready for the Christmas rush?” Shitward asks. “Actually boys, I had a change in heart. Go home and celebrate with your families.” Both of then get stunned and drop the blunts out of their mouths. “Fuck, we dropped the loud!” They both say. “But sir, I thought you wanted us in-” “Boys, I’ve been thinking. I might not like what this holiday reminds me of, but at the end of the day, I can’t bring it down for everyone else. I don’t know where this place would be without you two goons. Merry Christmas, guys.” SpongeCock and Shitward both smile. “Bah Humduck, Mr. Kraps.” They all hug as SpongeCock and Shitward wave back and go back home. “Huh, that felt good,” Kraps says as he starts to head back into the Krusty Kock before Pearl comes up from behind him, yelling “DADDY!”
“You won’t believe it! Santa’s at our house right now!” “Santa? You mean that myth?” “DADDY! How dare you be a SANTA DENIER!” Come quick before we miss him!” Pearl says as she drags Kraps to their house as he groans. The camera cuts to Kraps’ house as Pearl covers Kraps’ eyes. “Ready?” She asks, as Kraps reluctantly agrees. She opens the door to show SpongeCock, Shitward, Fatprick, and Bastard all waving at him yelling “Merry Christmas!” as Santa is shown in the background tied up with duct tape over his mouth. “What the?! That red oaf is REAL?!” “Who ya calling red oaf, have you seen yourself?” Shitward asks. “Before we got on with our Christmasses, we wanted to surprise you,” SpongeCock says. “So I lured Santa here with the special edition ice cream cake cookies…” Fatprick says. “Trust me, I wanted them bad, but it was worth the sacrifice.” Bastard also walks over to Kraps with his hands behind his back.
“You know Kraps, it’s Christmas, and I want to do something I don’t do very often - acknowledge my mistakes.” Bastard pulls out a bag labeled “Purple Krab OG.” Kraps takes it as he opens it and sniffs it. “Is this… is this the pack you stole from me in high school.” “Yep, to be honest with you, I never even smoked it. I just wanted to take it so you’d wear the pink dress.” Kraps has a deadpan expression on his face. “Oh. Say, aren’t you supposed to be in jail right now?” “Heheh, funny you ask that, uh…” Bastard says as he gets tackled by a pair of cops. “Escaping prison, ey? I’m sure the judge will LOVE to add even more time to your sentence, Sheldon!” The one cop says as he carries him in his fist out the door. “Merry Christmas, Bastard!” Kraps says, waving to him. Santa continues to muffle through his duct tape before Pearl rips it off, as well as all of the ropes around him.
“It’s about time one of you fucks freed me! I mean, uh, ho ho ho, Merry Christmas Eugene!” Santa says, with red cheeks. “I was just gonna give you coal, but you redeemed yourself quite a bit in the last few hours, so I think you’ve earned this.” Santa hands him a wrapped present which Kraps opens up. “Oh my god… it… no, it can’t be!” He says, as he holds up a Donald Trump corpse body pillow. “Santa, you don’t know how bad I’ve always wanted this!” “Of course I do! It’s your two biggest pleasures,” Santa says. “Three now!” Kraps says, as he stuffs a wad of cash into the body pillow’s ass and starts to ram into it. “Augh… I’m so full of PATRIOTISM…” he says, as everyone else stares awkwardly.
“You know, Santa, I’ve been a really good girl this year,” Pearl says. “Can you give me all the presents on my list?” She says as she hands him a list which continues to unravel until it touches the ground. Santa sighs. “Pearl dont you think itd be worth more to have close, warm family time this Christmas rather than focusing on high-cost materialistic items? Especially considering the year everyone's had,” he says. “[WITHHELD] there's a virus how i be having them close time if i cant,” Pearl replies. Everyone in the room is stunned by Pearl’s reply, as even Kraps has stopped fucking the body pillow. “Ho ho ho, that combined with your filthy sex habits just earned you all of your dad’s coal!” Santa says, dumping the bag of coal onto Pearl’s head. Everyone laughs as they all wave at the camera. “Merry Christmas, from the Life in Bikini Bottom gang,” they all say in unison. “For maybe the last time, I don’t really know, maybe I’ll write another episode sometime, maybe not,” SpongeCock says before everyone else lets out a deadpan “Shut up Dan.”
We then briefly zoom out to show a TV and the credits rolling, as the three ghosts are done watching. “Welp, I think we’ve taught my old man his lesson,” Pearl as the Ghost of Christmas Present says. “Yeah. Wonder what he’s up to now,” Scotty as the Ghost of Christmas Future says. “Uh, wonder no more, look at all of our graves,” Puss as the Ghost of Christmas Past says, as it shows all of their tombstones with Kraps ravaging through all of them, digging holes and making loud squeaking noises in the coffins. “Never change, Kraps, never change,” all of the ghosts say in unison as the episode ends.
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