Too Juul For School

"Too Juul For School" is a Season 1 episode of Squiddie's School, and the 9th overall.
==Characters==
*Squidward Tentacles
*Patrick Star
*Eugene H. Krabs
*SpongeBob SquarePants
*Sheldon J. Plankton
*Pearl Krabs
*Bubble Bass
*CrazySponge
*Matchy
*Gary the Snail
*Larry the Lobster
*Sandy Cheeks
*School Manager
==Synopsis==
After Pearl gets caught smoking an e-cigarette, the rest of the class follows suit, except for Eugene. Eugene and Squidward then have to team up with the school manager to end vaping in the school once and for all.
==Transcript==
[episode begins with Eugene pulling up to the school in his boat, Pearl is in the passenger seat]
Pearl: [sighs] Daddy, why do you have to keep dragging me along for these boring circle jerks?
Eugene: Because, Pearl, I need you to learn how to make art. [opens door and walks out] Then you can whip up some pieces and we can sell them.
Pearl: Don’t you mean so I can sell them?
Eugene: No. [Pearl has a deadpan expression as Eugene walks into the school. Pearl is still in the boat] Come on, Pearl, the early bird gets the worm! That’s the capitalist motto, anyway.
Pearl: You can go in. Just give me a minute.
[Eugene walks in as Pearl exhales, rooting around the boat and finding her purse. She reaches into the purse to pull out a juul]
Pearl: Hehe… now I can kick back without that fat bitch interrupting me. [puts a cartridge in and takes a puff, coughing on the cloud as it spills out] Oh sweet mother of me that I don’t know, this is some good shit! [takes another puff] If only blowjobs tasted this good. [her eyes start to tense up a bit as she laughs] I should probably go inside before he gets suspicious. [puts juul away as she gets out of the boat and slowly stumbles into the school. Everyone else is in their seats talking. SpongeBob looks up to see a relaxed Pearl]
SpongeBob: Yo, Pearl! I thought you hated this class.
Pearl: I do. But now I feel… better. [giggles before sitting down]
Patrick: Ooh. [locks eyes with Pearl] Are you legal yet, Pearl? [Eugene comes over and snaps Patrick with his claw] Ouch!
Eugene: Sorry, but me daughter is off limits. [goes back to his seat to comfort Pearl]
Pearl: Daddy, why are you like this?
Eugene: Well uh, you seem to be a little… up right now. Very strange, very unusual.
Pearl: Pfft, I’m not THAT bad. [shows close up of her read eyes and loose posture]
Eugene: Pearl….
Pearl: Why can’t you just not go against my better judgement for once? I just don’t feel as bad this class.
Eugene: Yeah, we’ll see about that. [Squidward comes to the desk with a stack of papers]
Squidward: Alright, students, settle down. [chatter stops] We have a lot to do today, and that starts by telling you that all of you sucked on your homework. All of you did bad, especially YOU, Mr. Mute. [camera pans to CrazySponge]
CrazySponge: o
[camera cuts to Pearl creating tension with Squidward’s lecture going on in the background. She starts to look on in distress as her thoughts are heard]
Pearl: Come on, Pearl! You can’t let the stress of failing your easy ass homework assignment get to you. [euphoria ends right after] Damn… I need another hit of this mind juice. [raises her hand]
Squidward: ...and that’s why you all… [sighs] Yes, Pearl?
Pearl: Can I use the bathroom?
Squidward: I don’t know… [teases her] ...can you?
Sheldon: BOOO! You suck! [gets squashed by Eugene’s claw]
Pearl: Whatever. [leaves room. Once she clears the hallway, she runs into the bathroom, pulling the juul out and starts to inhale] Ahhhhhh. Good medley.
[cuts to the classroom where Pearl is walking back in. A cloud of smoke appears behind her as she stretches her arms]
Pearl: I sure needed that release. [Eugene has a deadpan expression as it cuts to the manager’s office]
Manager: [laying back in chair] Oh yeah, love being the manager and not the principal. [smoke appears in the room and he takes a whiff of it] What the?! Why does it smell like mango! [hits button] JANITOR!
Janitor: Yes, sir? [appears next to him as the manager has a deadpan reaction]
Manager: What is the meaning of this blasted buffoonery? I bet one of the lowerclassmen did this!
Janitor: Sir, this is a cultural enrichment school for adults, not a high school. Also, maybe we would’ve seen this earlier if you didn’t order us to remove all of the smoke alarms.
Manager: [stands up] Hey! King Neptune needed more money to fund the police force, and oh boy, do I love suppression! Now to go find out the damn fool responsible for this. [walks out of room as it cuts back to the classroom]
SpongeBob: Is this good, Squidward? [shows drawing of circle]
Squidward: NO! You have to follow the book, remember?
Pearl: Ugh… [raises her hand again]
Squidward: What now, Pearl?
Pearl: May I use the bathroom?
Squidward: Didn’t you just go? [folds arms]
Pearl: Hm… [thinking; snaps her fingers when she gets an idea] This’ll get him off my back! [takes a container of red paint on the table and spills it on herself, making it look like a period stain. She gets up, having it visible to the class]
Eugene: Pearl, you didn’t tell me it was that time of the month.
Squidward: [hesitant] Alright, no worries, I guess.
Pearl: Score! [walks quickly to the door before running into the manager, causing Pearl to fall onto the floor and her juul to fall out of her pocket] Huh?
Manager: Well well well, it looks like we found the culprit. [picks up the juul, studying it] What a shame.
[shows the class shocked, especially Eugene]
Eugene: PEARL! I never knew you were giving sloppy seconds to a USB port! [starts sobbing] How could you?!
Pearl: Come on dad, it’s not that bad. It eases my brain.
Squidward: You should be smoking weed, then. [begins to pull out a blunt]
Manager: MR. TENTACLES! We’re supposed to be discouraging drugs, not encouraging it!
Squidward: Pfff, what does it matter. None of these damn fools are gonna catc- [shows everyone in the class with a juul, doing tricks with the smoke] aaaaaaaaand of course they did.
SpongeBob: Aw, gnarly, dude! [takes a puff] Mango in my lungs.
Sandy: [giggles] Yeah, this is amaz- PATRICK! [shows Patrick taking his juul from Sandy’s crotch, and then proceed to smoke]
Patrick: Glistening girl vapor!
Manager: [rolls eyes] Uh, can I see you and Eugene out in the hallway? [walks out as Eugene and Squidward follow him. We see the class making a smoke outline of Squidward floating in the air as it cuts to the hallway]
Squidward: What is it, boss?
Eugene: I think it’s obvious, Mr. Squidward. These damn kids need to clean up their act! Even Plankton is out there giving head to a flash drive! [peeks into classroom to see Sheldon floating on a vapor cloud]
Sheldon: Who gives a shit about the formula? This is so much better!
Squidward: Shouldn’t you like it if he’s not focused on the formula?
Eugene: Eh, good point. [turns back to manager] We need to get these people to stop vaping.
Manager: Indubitably. All of those damn fools are, well, damn fools. We need to get them to smoke this. [pulls up another pen]
Squidward: What the hell is that?
Manager: It’s a Vitamin B12 pen. [takes a puff] Inhaling your vitamins, it’s the perfect scam. [gives some to both Squidward and Eugene] You need to switch them out with the juuls.
Eugene: Do I get paid for this?
Manager: No.
[cuts to inside the classroom where Squidward, Eugene, and the manager are at the front trying to advertise the pens]
Squidward: Hey class, how about you all test out our brand new juuls! Just got them today.
Bubble Bass: Will it turn me into a superhero?
Squidward: No, but it will give you plenty of vita- [Eugene covers his mouth]
Eugene: Squidward, you need to exaggerate. They’re not gonna fall for the truth. [looks towards crowd] Why yes, yes they will! No vitamins or health nutrients at all. Pure vapor.
Bubble Bass: ...and Mermaid Man imitation?
Eugene: Yeah, sure, Mermaid Boy, all that.
Bubble Bass: Say no more. [throws his juul to the side and grabs the B12 pen out of Squidward’s hand, inhaling and letting go] Ahh. I can feel heroic already.
Squidward: Anyone else? [all of the class is looking with an unimpressed expression]
SpongeBob: Eh.
Larry: Hm.
CrazySponge: o [inhales more from his juul, but then starts to choke on the vapor until he collapses on his desk]
Everyone: OMG CRAZYSPONGE DIED OH GOD OH FUCK!
Manager: [turns to Squidward and Eugene] Well done boys, we’ve officially converted as many people as we’ve killed.
Squidward: Just like Christopher Columbus.
[cuts to a new scene where all of the students minus CrazySponge and Bubble Bass are smoking. The manager, Squidward, and Eugene all pace the hallway trying to figure out a solution]
Manager: These kids will never budge. What should we do?
Eugene: Charge them.
Squidward: No one should have to pay for school, Eugene! It’s in the rhetoric.
Eugene: Yeah, well fuck the rhetoric.
Manager: Woah, woah, settle down there. [chuckles] Man, our problems aren’t just gonna show up at our- [doorbell gets rung] -door. [the manager walks over to see Norton] Hello?
Norton: Hey, I’m here to drop off this fan you guys ordered.
Manager: Must be a mistake, we didn’t order a fan. Although… [swipes his finger across his chin] yup, I know what to do! [takes the fan over to Eugene and Squidward] Gentlemen, I have an idea. We need to fight their vapor with vapor.
Squidward: Good idea, but how?
Eugene: We set the fan up in the classroom, we pour an insane amount of juul vapor on it, and then they have a massive reaction. Give them a taste of their own medicine. Then we uh, I don’t know, maybe steal their money. And condoms.
Manager: Uh, right.
[cuts to a new scene where the manager is installing the fan through a vent. Squidward and Eugene are in the hallway with walkie talkies, and the students are in the classroom smoking]
Manager: [pulls out walkie talkie] Come in big red, come in big red. Operation get the class to stop giving blowjobs to kazoos is a go. Over.
Eugene: Big red is in. I’m here with Squidward doing nothing. Over.
Manager: Talk about filler, Eugene. Anywho. [pours cartridges through the back of the fan as it goes through and gets wafted around by it. The vapor starts to spread around the classroom]
SpongeBob: Hey guys, look! [points at the vapor] All of the juul we can juul. [takes a whiff of the smoke until he transitions to a deadpan expression] Huh? What the hell was that? [starts choking as he gets on his knees]
Patrick: Wait, SpongeBob! Stay on your knees for a second.
SpongeBob: This isn’t the time Patrick! We’re getting poisoned with our own medicine! [shows everyone in the class on the ground nauseous, except for Pearl who is still standing]
Pearl: This is amazing. I… need… MORE! [starts fuming] This is an outrage!
Sheldon: Pearl, to be honest, you’ve gotta let go of the juul already.
Pearl: I can’t! It’s so… addicting. [mutates into a giant exhaling juul vapor, as it cuts to the manager getting out of the vent and into the hallway]
Squidward: We’re in the clear!
Manager: Great! Time to… [Pearl comes out]
Pearl: YOU! [towers over Eugene] Where’s my juul, dad?
Eugene: Well, uh… [chuckles] ….it’s not good for you, Pearl.
Pearl: YES IT IS! [exhales juul vapor into the air, as it turns into a ring and tries to trap the three of them]
Manager: Come on guys! [opens the classroom doors as Squidward and Eugene run through] We need to… wait. [starts choking on the juul vapor]
Squidward: WHY DID YOU BRING US IN THE ROOM WE POISONED?!
Manager: I forgot, I swear! [all three start to break down onto the floor choking as Pearl comes in]
Pearl: Aha. I have you three right where I want you.
Eugene: Pearl, don’t do this to your dad! [starts to grin] Kill Squidward and the manager instead!
Squidward and Manager: Huh?
[Pearl starts to close the gap before Bubble Bass is seen in the background]
Bubble Bass: Oh man, this B12 vapor is amazing! [exhales the vapor as Pearl looks in fear]
Pearl: Oh no. [chokes on the B12 vapor] What is this shit?
Eugene: Healthy!
Pearl: Oh no. [shrinks Pearl as she returns to her normal state. The B12 also clogs the vents, causing the fan to shut off. Eugene, Squidwardc and the manager cheer in victory]
Eugene: Bubble Bass! You saved our lives!
Bubble Bass: I knew you weren’t lying about me turning into a superhero.
Squidward: Don’t push it.
Manager: Who cares about that. The only thing that matters is that juuling is no more! [walks out in laughter] Screw you guys, I’m going home.
Eugene: Oh. [Pearl wakes up]
Pearl: Ugh. Where am I?
Eugene: You’re in safe hands now. We freed you from your own beast!
Pearl: Welp, I think I’ve figured it out. [gets up and hugs Eugene] Juuling is for middle school losers who watch Jake Paul. I’m never doing that stuff again. From now on, weed is all I need.
Squidward: Aha, she learned from the master. [winks]
Eugene: Atta go, girl.
Matchy: But most importantly, I went this whole episode without jacking off!
SpongeBob: [wakes up, coughing on a cloud of vapor] You say that like it’s an accomplishment.
Matchy: For me it is.
Squidward: Fair enough. [lights blunt as the episode ends]
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