Treehouse of Heck

8th episode of The Sampsons.
Be warned, as this episode of The Sampsons will be bloody, horrifying, and contain music. (DUN DUN DUN)
It is the halloween special after all…
TREEHOUSE
OF
HECK
Introducing our first story-
== THE CURSE OF THE SINGULAR PERSONALITY TRAIT ==
Bert: aw man im so tired, who wouldve thought i’d be bored on halloween. well i know what im gonna do (pulls down his pants)
(Humer walks in)
Humer: OH GOD WHAT THE HELL
Bert: dude the previous episode was way worse than this
Humer: THIS HAS GONE FAR ENOUGH! I’m going to figure out why you don’t have any other personality traits! (draws a satanic symbol and starts a summoning spell) Dsb ziv blf tlrmt gsilfts gsv vuulig lu wvxlwrmt gsrh? DSB!
(Red Flanders appears)
Red Flanders: God, we’re doing this again? Can’t you just let me rest in dead SBFW character peace?
Humer: RED! YOU GOTTA TELL ME WHY MY BOY IS SO HORNY! HE’S GONNA RUIN THIS SERIES!
Red Flanders: Well, it seems when he was born, he was cursed to have only one personality trait...being horny.
Bert: if you were a girl would fucking you be gay or naw
Red Flanders: IT’S GETTING WORSE! I haven’t seen a case this bad in decades!
Humer: How do we fix it?
Red Flanders: It’s simple. (He burns Bert Sampson into ashes.)
Humer: Uh- Uh-
Red Flanders: Sure you may have trauma from seeing your son die in front of you but hey, none of this is canon, you’ll be fine.
(Humer drops dead.)
Red Flanders: Meh.
(The ending of the Simpsons theme plays like DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DUH DUHD DUHD DUDH DAUH DDAA DAD BUM BUM BUM BAH)
== MURDER AT BARNES AND NOBLE... ==
Mr. Barns: hello there welcome to barnes and nobles what would you like
Mue: Yeah uh do you have any beer?
Mr. Barns: why do you ask this is a barnes and nobles
Mue: Well, I’ve kinda run out of beer. And I need some for Mue’s. 
Mr. Barns: yes i have it right here
Mue: Alright. Gimme.
Mr. Brans: no im saving it for myself
Mue: Oh fuck you! (runs out)
Mr. Barns: thank you come again
(Apoo rushes in)
Apoo: hey you you cannot steal my catchphrase
Mr. Barns: why not
Apoo: that catchphrase helps produce merchandise and the money i get helps feed my family! You are stealing the money!
Mr. Barns: you run a store you get all the money you need
Apoo: YOU RUN A NUCLEAR POWER PLANT DO YOU NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY (slaps Mr. Barns and runs out)
Mr. Barns: hm strange customers tonight.
Moohouse: Hey uh can i buy a book i can use to study for some school work?
Mr. Barns: ah yes. excellent. someone actually wants a book! let me check the computer catalogue- oh whoopsies we’ve sold all copies of that book
Moohouse: WHAT you will pay for this
Humer: hey you gimme some duff
Mr. Barns: This Is A Barnes And Nobles
Humer: Dubfr4rfyreigtrutigrubyrvfubrufytvrybyiieuiuefe bye
Mr. Barns: hm its getting quite late out, i sure hope nothing bad happens
Girl scout: Hey do you want some cookies?
Mr. Barns: oh yes i’ll take that one-
(BOOM MR. BARNS HEAD EXPLODES BRAINS FLYING BLOOD SHOOTING BOOM BANG MULTIPLE SHOTS OF THE DEATH HIS GUTS FLY EVERYWHERE)
B&N Manager: Oh god! A murder! This is gonna ruin our reputation! I gotta make sure this doesn’t get out. (calls 911) Yes, hello. Whatever you do, don’t come here.
Police: We’re here, what you neeoHMY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE HELL
(A few hours later)
Police: Hello, we are going to be interviewing you folks as you are all suspects in the murder of Mr. Barns.
Humer: burp
Moohouse: Why’d you take away my glasses I have a seeing disability
Apoo: Hello
Mue: Oh dear, I hope they don’t find out about the other murders I’ve done.
B&N Manager: I’m innocent! I’m a simple man!
Girl scout: My entire personality is girl
CrazySponge: DID SOMEBODY SAY wait am i a suspect too
Police: Yes. Obviously. Considering you’ve done countless murders before.
CrazySponge: i see
Police: I am sure the killer is in this group. All of you are innocent, except one. You could say...there is an imposter...among....this group. Someone here is pretty… kinda....suspicious.
B&N Manager: You are making this so much worse.
Police: Somebody in here ain't a real man. We're on a killer hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed 'em out. Now, everybody line up! DJ! Time for the test.
(The DJ pops in a CD)
Police: No baby can resist singing along to this.
(The Krazy Killer theme song plays)
CrazySponge: Mue, it’s the Krazy Killer theme song.
Mue: I know!
(The police person walks down the line.)
B&N Manager: (coughs)
Police: It was you! You’re the killer!
B&N Manager: No, no! I only coughed, I swear! 
Police: DJ! Turn it up louder!
CrazySponge: Don't sing along, Mue!
Mue: I’m trying, trying so hard.
Police: I'm a Krazy Killer, YEAH! You're a Krazy Killer, YEAH! We're all Krazy Killers, YEAH!
(CrazySponge and Mue breathe in)
???: Krazy, krazy, krazy, killers, yeah!
Police: WHO WAS THAT?
CrazySponge: See, I told you guys this show is still spongebob related.
(The mysterious character walks out from the shadows.)
Mr. Barns: It was me. I killed Mr. Barns.
Police: WHAT?! HOW?!
Mr. Barns: I’m (sigh) an imposter. The man I killed was the real Mr. Barns.
(gasp)
Police: So what’s your story, Barns, if that is your real name.
Mr. Barns: Well, obviously it isn't. My real name is Armin Tamzarian. I'm an orphan from Capitol City, and those who recall my fight... to outlaw teenage rudeness may be shocked to learn... that I, myself, was once a street punk.
CrazySponge: Ok, this is stopping here. This is long enough (throws a grenade on a ground) LETS GOO- (Explosion)
(Dah Simpson theme song AGAIN! DAH DUAH DDBUAHD DBHAUD)
== THE OVERLY DELAYED HALLOWEEN SPECIAL ==
Narrator: This episode of the TV series “The Sampsons” was meant to release on October 31st, 2020. As you may know, that did not occur. You are about to see the true reasons for the delay. Viewer Discretion is advised.
Merge: I usually don’t get into politics, but the president’s senior adviser “CrazySponge” just said Kamala Harris sounds like me! Lisa says he doesn’t mean it as a compliment! If that’s so, as an ordinary supporter of SBFW, I’m starting to feel a little disrespected. I teach my children not to name call, Crazy. I was gonna say I’m pissed off but I’m afraid they’d bleep it.
Narrator: This attack on CrazySponge secluded him in a deep depression that seemed endless. But then his luck changed when he acquired a bankrupt retirement home and with a few minor alterations, Box Productions Inc. was born. 
CrazySponge: THE MONEY IS ALWAYS RIGHT!
Narrator: So CrazySponge, are you going to finish the episode?
CrazySponge: i still aint finishing this episode even after my depression is gone, even if it means not writing one more letter.
Narrator: And so, CrazySponge never finished the episode.
(The episode en
Category:Episodes
Category:2021
Category:2021 Episodes
Category:CrazySponge
Category:The Sampsons
Category:2020s