Headhunters 5: The Fine Nine

==Introduction==
Last night saw one beheading and unfortunately zero be-dickings, as ETE made like E.T. and left this earth for another world (the world of the dead). 
==In Memoriam: Extra Tight Ends (P.S. Nobody wanted to tell me I've been spelling "Memoriam" wrong for five years?)==
In the end, it wasn't very tight. 
Extra Tight Ends was losing a little steam over the last few weeks, which is ironic because to this point he had been one of the few teams to not start two QBs. That changed in week 8 and so did their hot streak of scoring. They started Kirk Cousins and Zach Wilson, only to have Kirk go down with a season-ender. That left Zach Wilson as the lone QB on the roster for week 9, which is a scary prospect. So they made a deal with Monty, trading Swift for a guy you may have heard of...Daniel freaking Dimes. No big deal. 
Unfortunately the only thing Swift about this exchange was that it led to a swift exit for Keeling. 
Danny Dimes short-changed ETE by going down in the opening quarter of play, finishing with just 3.33 points and putting ETE in a huge hole. It was bad enough that Travis Kelce turns into Patriots-era Jonnu Smith when Taylor Swift isn't sucking Brittany Mahomes's dick in the sky box. And Tyreek Hill, the other player who has managed to cover up the glaring insufficiencies on this roster, also fell below projection in Germany. I guess you could say the Frankfurt games really FrankHURT this team's chances at survival. 
Still, there was an outside chance that Zach Wilson would score 33 points. He's done it once before. I mean, literally just once, but it's happened! And if it did, Pat volunteered to eat his own dick, so there was added incentive. 
But putting your fate in Zach Wilson is never a good time, and it became obvious pretty early on that Extra Tight Ends was going home. 
ETE typically started just one TE, and one QB. Taking advantage of exactly zero perks associated with a superflex TE premium league, ETE was blowing the doors off this league until both of his studs crapped the bed the same week that Daniel Jones slipped on a banana peel and Zach Wilson did exactly what Zach Wilson was born to do which is underperform. 
It's a bit of a shock, considering some of the shitty teams still alive (looking at you, me!). And it also puts the entire league in a weird spot because the best available players from his team all have byes in week 10. But that's not his problem. He's dead. 
Extra Tight Ends:
==Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)==
Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)
Team 	2023 Finish	2022 Finish	2021 Finish	2020 Finish	2019 Finish
Hasta Laviska Baby 	18th (-17) 	1st (+16) 	17th (-7) 	10th (+2) 	12th
Out of Luck 	17th (-13) 	4th (+-0) 	4th (+1) 	5th (+9) 	14th
Bobecue Chicken 	16th (-1) 	15th (-12) 	3rd (+14) 	17th (-10) 	7th
Jethro's Glorious Team	15th (+1) 	N/A 	16th (-7) 	9th (+7) 	16th
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	14th (+-0) 	14th (+2) 	19th (-6) 	3rd (-2) 	1st
The Guilloteam 	13th (-2) 	11th (+2) 	13th (-6) 	7th (-4) 	3rd
deCaPitated 	12th (-9) 	3rd (+11) 	14th (-8) 	6th (-4) 	2nd
What Hurts Moore? 	11th (+6) 	16th (-6) 	11th (-9) 	2nd 	N/A
Extra Tight Ends 	10th (+2) 	12th (-2) 	10th (+6) 	16th (-11) 	5th
Snip snap gif. 
==Dead Money==
Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.
Dead Money 2023
Dead Money	% of Total Eliminated Cash
$4,746 	53%
$102 left over for Extra Tight Ends. 
==Top New Releases==
#Tyreek Hill
#Travis Kelce
#Kenneth Walker III
#Puka Nacua
#Josh Jacobs
==Week Nine Bidding Results==
Week Nine Bidding Results
Player 	Winning Team 	Winning Bid	Next Highest Bid
Jalen Hurts 	Monty's Python 	$213 	$202 (Henry VIII)
Davante Adams 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	$121 	$98 (Jeff Probst' Tribe)
C.J. Stroud 	Monty's Python 	$119 	$22 (Headless Horsemen)
Michael Pittman Jr. 	Müller Lite 	$101 	$44 (Henry VIII)
DeVonta Smith 	Henry VIII 	$44 	$24 (Never Done This Before)
Zay Flowers 	Henry VIII 	$33 	$22 (Headless Horsemen)
Rhamondre Stevenson 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$23 	$21 (Tee Diggs)
Darren Waller 	Headless Horsemen 	$17 	N/A
Indianapolis Defense	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$2 	N/A
Las Vegas Defense 	Henry VIII 	$1 	N/A
Taysom Hill 	Müller Lite 	$1 	N/A
===Quick-Hit Thoughts===
*Last Year's Most Expensive Player: George Kittle - $114 (Hasta Laviska Baby)
*Biggest Overpay: C.J. Stroud ($97 over next highest bid - Monty's Python). How did we get CJ Stroud overpays two straight weeks? I mean 70 points but read the market. 
*Narrowest Margin of Bid Victory: Jalen Hurts ($11 over next highest bid - Monty's Python)
*Scott willing to go all-in on DeVonta Smith with his remaining FAAB just goes to show what a diehard Eagles fan he is. Could use that FAAB down the line for like Travis Kelce, or CMC, or Josh Allen, but nah man..DeVonta! Full send. 
*Super confused where the Courtland Sutton bidding war was? 
*Sucks for Horsemen to bid on Waller, with no competing bids, and then lose him to IR. But luckily $17 was a small investment. 
==Excessive Spend==
Excessive spend is anything over a single dollar more than the next highest bid for the player you won, and does not take into account the talent level or value of the player.
Excessive Spend
Team 	Excessive Spend
Never Done This Before	$412
Headless Horsemen 	$308
What Hurts Moore? 	$284
deCaPitated 	$274
Monty's Python 	$249
Henry VIII 	$238
Tee Diggs my Chubb 	$220
Müller Lite 	$175
Jethro's Glorious Team	$146
Bobecue Chicken 	$138
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$127
The Guilloteam 	$107
Bad Boys II 	$97
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$95
Extra Tight Ends 	$43
Al Snows Fav Squad 	$2
Monty shoots way up the list after going big on two QBs. Henry VIII lurks just outside the top five with a bunch of micro-overbids that will ultimately lead to his downfall. 
==Money Spent Per Week==
Money Spent Per Week
Week	Budget Spent 	Budget Spent (2022)	Budget Spent (2021)	Budget Spent (2020)	Budget Spent (2019)
2 	$2,315 (16 Players)	$1,560 (15 Players)	$9 (2 Players) 	$1,173 (12 Players)	$1,339 (7 Players)
3 	$1,423 (15 Players)	$1,160 (10 Players)	$1,283 (10 Players)	$1,033 (7 Players) 	$1,902 (15 Players)
4 	$1,256 (14 Players)	$1,475 (10 Players)	$657 (8 Players) 	$1,182 (11 Players)	$1,614 (11 Players)
5 	$1,612 (16 Players)	$1,740 (13 Players)	$1,376 (11 Players)	$181 (4 Players) 	$1,743 (14 Players)
6 	$1,203 (13 Players)	$1,355 (14 Players)	$1,231 (10 Players)	$1,542 (10 Players)	$1,018 (11 Players)
7 	$1,040 (16 Players)	$45 (6 Players) 	$965 (10 Players) 	$1,494 (13 Players)	$1,036 (9 Players)
8 	$1,244 (16 Players)	$1,085 (13 Players)	$2,159 (15 Players)	$1,938 (17 Players)	$630 (7 Players)
9 	$675 (11 Players) 	$552 (9 Players) 	$1,059 (12 Players)	$1,454 (12 Players)	$624 (6 Players)
First real sign that bidding might be slowing down now that funds have been depleted. It's amazing that we are already down to 9 teams. It seems like just yesterday someone was starting Dalvin Cook. 
==Week Nine Results==
Week Nine Results
Finish (Last Week)	Player 	Total Points
1 (4) 	Monty's Python (Derek) 	267.95
2 (5) 	Headless Horsemen (Andrew) 	247.77
3 (10) 	Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh (Nate)	220.45
4 (3) 	Jeff Probst' Tribe (Joe Cola) 	196.88
5 (9) 	Obi-Wan Mahomie (Wolfe) 	182.97
6 (1) 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack (KVR) 	176.73
7 (8) 	Henry VIII (Commish) 	149.74
8 (6) 	Müller Lite (Roger) 	146.40
9 (2) 	Never Done This Before (Scott) 	138.06
10 (7) 	Extra Tight Ends (Keeling) 	123.04
11 	What Hurts Moore? (Coach Tebo) 	0
12 	deCaPitated (Chris) 	0
13 	The Guilloteam (Pat) 	0
14 	Al Snows Fav Squad (Zach) 	0
15 	Jethro's Glorious Team (Jethro) 	0
16 	Bobecue Chicken (Bob) 	0
17 	Out of Luck (Papa) 	0
18 	Hasta Laviska Baby (Jared) 	0
*Biggest Climber: Tee Diggs (^7)
*Biggest Faller: Never Done This Before (v7)
==Draft Dodgers==
Team Results Based on Draft Position
Draft Pick	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	ALIVE
2 	Extra Tight Ends 	9
3 	The Guilloteam 	6
4 	What Hurts Moore? 	8
5 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	5
6 	Henry VIII 	ALIVE
7 	Müller Lite 	ALIVE
8 	Never Done This Before 	ALIVE
9 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	ALIVE
10 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	4
11 	Monty's Python 	ALIVE
12 	Bobecue Chicken 	3
13 	Out of Luck 	2
14 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	1
15 	Headless Horsemen 	ALIVE
16 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	ALIVE
17 	Tee Diggs my Chubb for sure-oh	ALIVE
18 	deCaPitated 	7
The top of the draft continues to get massacred. Only the first overall pick remains from the top five. 
==Kings of the Castle==
===1. Monty's Python===
Went all out for Stroud and Hurts but they combined for 109.33 points so whatever works. Add in D'Andre Swift, who he basically got for free, and that 121.41 would have almost been enough to take down Extra Tight Ends. The funny thing is they traded Russell Wilson FOR Daniel Jones on Halloween, then flipped Jones for Swift, all because Jared Goff/Wildon were both on a bye and he didn't have any active QBs. And look at this guy now. 
===2. Headless Horsemen===
Huge loss at a bad time with Dallas Goedert going down with a four-week plus injury to his arm, rendering him essentially useless for Headhunters. That's two weeks in a row he has lost a top-10 TE, after Waller went down last week. They currently do not have an active TE on the roster, and Kelce is off in week 10, making this a really interesting week of manuevers for Horsemen. 
===3. Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh===
Bye Diggs is finally back to Tee Diggs, and Tee Higgs is finally back to his old self, while Stef Diggs continues to impress. Rachaad has been White hot, while Jaylen Warren Jaylen Wasn't going to slow down for anybody on Thursday night. Somehow Derek Carr continues to drive scoring up on this team, while Baker Mayfield is cooking despite the Bucs being 3-5. 
===4. Jeff Probst' Tribe===
JP might be in NZ ziplining and hanging out in Hobbit holes, but his players are still showing up on the gridiron. This week, it was five players over 20 points in the starting roster, with 39.05 from Tank Dell on the bench. Gus the Bus is still hard to truss because he's TD dependent, but newcomer Brian Robinson (acquired in a trade with Henry VIII for Mac Jones) is more volume based and a nice compliment. Sun GAWD Amon-Ra, along with Russell Wilson, will both be back in week 10. 
===5. Obi-Wan Mahomie===
Obi-Wan Mahomie will just be Obi-Wan, hold the homie, in week 10 as Patrick takes a breather and Jaylen Limps his way to an off-week with a sore knee, with hopes that he will be back to full waddle by week 11. Obi-Wan had all his flex players score just over 17 points this week, including Chris Olive Branch Olave who extended his streak of games over 10+ points to four, and Mike Evans whos quest for a record-breaking 1,000 yard season is just about as important to me as who wins the Super Bowl. 
==On the Chopping Block==
===9. Never Done This Before===
NDTB, who is still going by "Hoyer the Destroyer" on Yahoo even though Hoyer isn't on the team or even starting in the NFL anymore, was a healthy Dime away from going home this week. They got sub-10 point games from Geno Smith, who has turned back into a pumpkin, Tyler Lockett (guess the Seattle SeaStack isn't all it's Krakened up to be), Roschon Johnson (who got his job snatched by old man Freeman), Josh Downs (who should really be called Josh Downer because expectations have been really high for him of late), and Romeo Doubs (who isn't going to be attracting any Juliets with performances like this). 
===8. Müller Lite===
Only needed like 3 points from Justin Herbert and nearly didn't get them. Surviving this week without Kirk and Etienne was absolutely huge, but it remains to be seen if Bryce Young is enough in the superflex spot now that we are down to 9 teams. Their defense was the only starter who managed to break 17 points. It's also incredible that Logan Thomas doesn't have a season-ending head injury yet, so that is a situation to watch. Now Christian Watson and Christian Kirk will get to start alongside Adam Theologian in what has got to be the most religious WR room in the league. 
===7. Henry VIII===
Survived an off day from the Jackson/Flowers duo thanks to 16 carries each from Pacheco and Najee, plus a nice 13-target night from Garrett Wilson to top it off. Henry was the only team in the league this week without a single player, including defense, to not score over 23.23 points. Every other team had at least one starter break 28 points. 
===6. Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack===
Jake Ferguson scored more points than George Pickens, Cooper Kupp, and Davante Adams combined. That's fantasy football, baby. The self-proclaimed most complete team in the league gets back LaPorta and McCaffrey this week, so the season is pretty much over and everyone should quit. 
==Average Scores of Eliminated Teams==
Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
Team 	Average Score	Weeks Played
Extra Tight Ends 	199.70 	9
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	181.30 	5
What Hurts Moore? 	177.12 	8
DeCaPitated 	172.53 	7
The Guilloteam 	169.07 	6
Jethro's Glorious Team	163.20 	4
Out of Luck 	160.68 	2
Bobecue Chicken 	140.44 	3
Hasta Laviska Baby 	97.49 	1
We lost a very strong team this week.
==Narrow Defeats==
Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:
Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
Team 	Margin of Defeat	Week Eliminated
Hasta Laviska Baby 	1.21 	1
Jethro's Glorious Team	4.13 	4
The Guilloteam 	10.69 	6
What Hurts Moore? 	12.08 	8
Out of Luck 	14.67 	2
Extra Tight Ends 	15.02 	9
Bobecue Chicken 	21.19 	3
deCaPitated 	45.13 	7
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	50.59 	5
==Unique Players Started==
How many unique players (Defense included) were started by each team. The table can be sorted by players and also by week eliminated.
Unique Players Started
Team 	Players Started	Week Eliminated
The Guilloteam 	25 	6
What Hurts Moore? 	21 	8
deCaPitated 	21 	7
Extra Tight Ends 	18 	9
Bobecue Chicken 	16 	3
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	15 	5
Jethro's Glorious Team	12 	4
Out of Luck 	11 	2
Hasta Laviska Baby 	9 	1
ETE had not made a lot of roster changes to this point, since they have been so strong. They started the same Buffalo defense for all 9 week, and had started just Kirk Cousins at QB until week 8. 
==Rulers of the Kingdom==
2023 first place finishers:
Top Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Monty's Python 	228.65
2 	Extra Tight Ends 	227.45
3 	Headless Horsemen 	266.15
4 	Monty's Python (2) 	260.79
5 	Extra Tight Ends (2)	264.57
6 	Müller Lite 	208.67
7 	Extra Tight Ends (3)	250.96
8 	Bad Boys II 	286.71
9 	Monty's Python (3) 	267.95
Monty strong and getting stronger. Meanwhile, what a fall from grace for ETE, who notched his third first place finish just two weeks ago. 
==Dungeon Dwellers==
2023 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:
Low Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Extra Tight Ends 	98.70
2 	Never Done This Before 	150.50
3 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	124.83
4 	deCaPitated 	130.88
5 	Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh 	138.70
6 	Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh (2)	153.44
7 	Monty's Python 	154.43
8 	Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh (3)	170.50
 	Never Done This Before (2) 	138.06
The worst second-to-last place score since week 3. Off week for the league. 
==Single Season Scoring Records==
As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here. Bolded lines indicate performances from the current season.
ETE's score was so high that there is a good chance whoever gets eliminated next week will finish their season with fewer points. 
All-Time Single Season HH Point Records
Score 	Player 	Year
3,697.30	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2022
3,581.72	Beach McBungalow (Tee Diggs my Chubb)	2022
3428.76 	CP 	2019
3402.18 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2019
3363.88 	CP (deCaPitated) 	2022
3121.28 	Return of the Mac 	2021
3049.02 	Bobecue Chicken 	2021
3015.53 	Mixon Beer 	2020
3013.13 	Müller Lite 	2021
2997.67 	The Guilloteam 	2019
2980.07 	Last Coach Standing 	2020
2833.37 	Out of Luck 	2022
2743.25 	@FFDraftScott 	2020
2733.07 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2020
2709.59 	Mac 	2019
2677.20 	Out of Luck 	2021
2675.14 	Wildcat (no QBs no problem) 	2022
2620.18 	The Titanic 	2021
2614.60 	burrow for sure-oh 	2022
2438.96 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	2022
2422.98 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2019
2377.31 	The Guilloteam 	2020
2285.51 	CP 	2020
2282.91 	Out of Luck 	2020
2262.36 	Bad Boys 	2021
2233.57 	Soul Survivor (burrow for sure-oh) 	2021
2134.22 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2021
2046.35 	LIVEWithIt 	2019
2034.86 	Laser Rocket Arms 	2022
1941.63 	Bobecue Chicken 	2019
1939.02 	Beach McBungalow 	2021
1936.45 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2021
1862.19 	Henry VIII 	2022
1817.79 	Carole Pigskin 	2020
1797.24 	Extra Tight Ends 	2023
1749.51 	The Guilloteam 	2021
1736.99 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2019
1611.76 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2020
1512.91 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2020
1509.41 	CP 	2021
1483.70 	Last Coach Standing 	2021
1473.18 	Henry VIII 	2021
1439.40 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2020
1416.99 	What Hurts Moore? 	2023
1357.00 	Henry VIII 	2019
1351.99 	Muller Lite 	2022
1300.35 	The Guilloteam 	2022
1238.56 	Bluedevils 	2019
1207.69 	deCaPitated 	2023
1182.09 	Mixon Beer with Liquor 	2021
1160.81 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2021
1132.61 	Henry VIII 	2020
1116.98 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2020
1055.63 	Mac 	2020
1049.89 	LIVEWithIt 	2020
1014.40 	The Guilloteam 	2023
991.57 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2021
975.59 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2019
906.48 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	2023
806.27 	Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	2022
768.10 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2021
717.82 	Out of Luck 	2019
713.12 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2020
708.44 	The Executioner 	2022
652.79 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	2023
544.55 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2021
489.42 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2022
481.22 	@FFDraftScott 	2019
459.96 	Bobecue Chicken 	2020
421.33 	Bobecue Chicken 	2023
324.28 	Bobecue Chicken 	2022
321.35 	Out of Luck 	2023
294.62 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2021
286.36 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2019
262.69 	Bad Boys 	2020
123.21 	CoachKnows 	2022
115.16 	Mixon Beer 	2019
97.49 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2023
96.56 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2020
==All-Time Combined Points Scored==
Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2023 season added to the total. Bolded lines indicate that the record has been updated through 2023.
All-Time Combined Points Records
Score 	Player 	Years Played	Per Season Avg.
11,795.25	deCaPitated 	5 	2,359.05
9439.24 	The Guilloteam 	5 	1,887.85
8832.65 	Out of Luck 	5 	1766.53
8626.98 	Tee Diggs my Chubb 	4 	
8075.70 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	5 	1,615.14
7879.51 	Never Done This Before 	4 	
7873.83 	Extra Tight Ends 	5 	1,574.77
7594.94 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	4 	
7201.35 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	5 	1440.27
6987.92 	Monty's Python 	4 	
6665.96 	burrow for sure-oh (defunct) 	3 	2221.98
6439.42 	Bad Boys 	4 	
6196.22 	Bobecue Chicken 	5 	1,239.24
6,003.97 	What Hurts Moore? 	4 	1,500.99
5824.98 	Henry VIII 	4 	
5186.35 	Neck-Fix and Chill (defunct) 	3 	1728.78
4365.12 	Müller Lite 	2 	
3711.72 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	4 	927.93
1885.08 	Shotti's Bugatti (defunct) 	2 	942.54
1238.56 	Bluedevils (defunct) 	1 	1238.56
698.91 	Phillip's Team (defunct) 	1 	698.91
391.19 	Steve Blackman's Nun (defunct)	2 	195.60
==Remaining Budget==
Remaining Budget as of 10/31/23
Player 	Total Budget
Müller Lite 	$636
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$569
Henry VIII 	$428
Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	$362
Headless Horsemen 	$177
Monty's Python 	$161
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$118
Never Done This Before 	$24
Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	$10
Extra Tight Ends 	0
What Hurts Moore? 	0
deCaPitated 	0
The Guilloteam 	0
Al Snows Fav Squad 	0
Jethro's Glorious Team 	0
Bobecue Chicken 	0
Out of Luck 	0
Hasta Laviska Baby 	0
==Conclusion==
Happy Hunting!