The Map (Transcript)

Barhambots	-	Episode 1
== "The Map" ==
=== Written by Connor Banjoper. ===
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(The episode opens up with a skyline of the main district of Barhamsville before briefly cutting to the exterior of Barhamsville City Hall, then cutting to Connor Banjoper's office inside, where Connor Banjoper is trying to come up with a plan.)
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Let's see.... How can I get Barhamsville on the map? The state map, the country map, and the world map. Maybe I could try advertising for Barhamsville. How could I advertise for my hometown? (Thinks for seven seconds.) I could put billboards up on the Interstate.... and I could also make television commercials for it. However, I may need some help.
(Then, Cornelius Bathymetrix walks into the door.)
{CORNELIUS} Good morning, Connor. I couldn't help but noticing that you're desiring to put our home city on the map of the state, country, and world.
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Yes, Cornelius. How may you help with that? Also, good morning to you too.
{CORNELIUS} I think I may know just the individuals who can help you with your current goals.
(Then, the scene cuts to Lucy and Luan hanging out in their apartment building.)
{LUCY} So, Luan, what kinds of shows do you like to watch?
{LUAN} Well, I usually like to watch those animated shows that you can find on Cartoon Network and Nickelodeon. I also like watching other TV shows made by Banjoper Studios.
{LUCY} Interesting.
{LUAN} Would you like to hear a joke I came up with?
{LUCY} Go ahead.
{LUAN} How does the sun get into your eyes when you use your computer?
{LUCY} I don't know. How?
{LUAN} Through the Windows! (Giggles.)
{LUCY} Oh, I get it! Because of the computer program called Windows.
{LUAN} Exactly.
(Then, a knock is heard on the apartment door.)
{LUCY} Oh, I'll get it.
(Lucy gets up from the couch and walks to the door, where she opens it to find Connor Banjoper on the other side.)
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Good morning, Lucy. How are you?
{LUCY} Good morning, Mr. Banjoper. I am fine. How are you?
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Good. I actually need you Barhambots to help me with something.
{LUCY} Really? What can we help you with?
{CONNOR BANJOPER} I plan to put our hometown, Barhamsville on the state map, the country map, and the world map. I need someone to help me put advertisements all over the country, so people can notice Barhamsville, and we can be put on the map.
{LUCY} Wow! That sounds like a plan. I'm in!
{LUAN} We're gonna put Barhamsville on the map? That's sounds great! Count me in too!
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Alright, then. Do you think you can meet me at the city hall in about an hour?
{LUCY} We'll do our best, Mr. Banjoper.
{LUAN} Yeah. This task could really ad something to my resume. (Giggles.) Get it? Ad.... as in advertisement.
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Okay, I'll see you later.
{LUCY} See you later as well!
(Connor Banjoper walks towards the exit of the apartment building, and Lucy closes the door.)
{LUCY} Can you believe it, Luan? Our first assignment from the presidential mayor of Barhamsville!
{LUAN} This is gonna rock! We're gonna make history in the 21st Century!
(Then, the scene cuts to Connor Banjoper standing under a sign reading "One Hour Later...." with Lucy, Luan, Rags, Gertorn, Samar, and Ricardo.)
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Okay, so you're all here to help me put Barhamsville on every map possible. What ideas have you got?
{LUCY} Maybe we could get an airplane to fly all over the sky with a banner that says "Come to Barhamsville, Virginia!" on it.
{LUAN} I was thinking about writing the words "Come visit Barhamsville, Virginia!" on my belly, and then pressing it against the driver's window of people's cars.
{RAGS} We could make our own Interstate exit, and then people will wanna take it, and we can get more visitors, and possibly more residents.
{GERTORN} We could sneak into an atlas factory and put Barhamsville on the map in their system, so they'll put Barhamsville on the map, and everyone will see it.
{RICARDO} We could try radio advertisements, so people can hear about Barhamsville while they're driving.
{SAMAR} I thought we could hand out fliers to random people to let them know about Barhamsville, so they'll be tempted to visit us.
{CONNOR BANJOPER} I like all of those ideas. Tell you what. I'm gonna let each of you do your own thing in helping Barhamsville get on the map. Lucy, you can find an airplane and fly our message across the sky. Luan, I'll help you write your message on your abdomen, so you can do what you wanna do. Rags, you may go get the construction crew to build an Interstate exit specifically for Barhamsville. Gertorn, I'll send someone to help you find an atlas manufacturer and put Barhamsville on their maps. Ricardo, I'll get the radio station to broadcast our message throughout the country. Samar, I'll help you make the fliers.
{LUCY and LUAN} Yay!
{RAGS} Great!
{GERTORN} Cool!
{SAMAR and RICARDO} Yeah!
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Okay, now let's get started.
(Then, the scene cuts to Lucy writing "Come to Barhamsville, Virginia!" on a banner.)
{LUCY} Perfect! This should be attention-grabbing enough to promote our city. Now, I need to find a pilot to fly this plane over the United States, so we can get enough attention to put Barhamsville on the map!
(Lucy walks up to a street sidewalk and takes out a megaphone.)
{LUCY} (Through the megaphone.) Attention, citizens of Barhamsville! I need one individual who is willing to fly an airplane across the United States, so we can put Barhamsville on the map! Do I have any volunteers?
(Connyboy Bossler, the version of Connor Banjoper who is a 1950's-style greaser, walks up to her.)
{CONNYBOY} I'll do it! I'm Connyboy Bossler, the version of Connor Banjoper who is a 1950's-style greaser, and I'd be willing to fly your plane across America to put Barhamsville on the world map!
{LUCY} Cool! A 1950's greaser! Do you have a pilot's license?
{CONNYBOY} Well, actually, I don't have one. However, I've flown the original Connor Banjoper to BTC Island once, and I'm sure I did pretty good at it.
{LUCY} Okay, then. As long as you don't get caught without a license, I'm sure you'd be perfect for the job. The airplane is this way.
(Lucy leads Connyboy to the airplane as the scene cuts to Connor Banjoper writing on Luan's stomach with a washable marker.)
{LUAN} (Giggles.) That tickles!
{CONNOR BANJOPER} I know, Luan. Just a few more letters, and you'll be ready.
(Connor finishes writing the message "Come visit Barhamsville, Virginia!" on Luan's stomach, and puts the washable marker in his pocket.)
{CONNOR BANJOPER} There we go! Now, we just wait five minutes for it to dry, and you can start sharing your message with the world.
{LUAN} Thanks, Connor Banjoper. I'm glad you helped me.
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Hey, no problem, Luan.
{LUAN} Did I ever tell you that you're my favorite male human?
{CONNOR BANJOPER} I actually already know that, Luan. So, you ready to share this message with the world?
{LUAN} You bet I am! I'm gonna make my message as belly-vable as I can. (Giggles.) Get it? 'Cause it's on my belly!
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Yeah, I know. Good luck, Luan!
{LUAN} (Hugs Connor Banjoper.) Thanks, Connor Banjoper.
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Welcome, Luan.
(Luan walks in the direction of Toana, Virginia, United States as the scene cuts to the intersection of Barhamsville Road and Rochambeau Drive, with a cloud with the words "Five Minutes Later...." on it. Several cars are stopped at the traffic light at the intersection, and the camera cuts to Christopher Valdrighi in his car with his wife.)
{MR. VALDRIGHI} I'm thinking about having the school board schedule a pep rally for next Friday. What do you think?
{MRS. VALDRIGHI} What particular event would this pep rally be for?
{MR. VALDRIGHI} It's to help promote the Red Cross Blood Drive, so people will be encouraged to donate blood to those who need it.
{MRS. VALDRIGHI} Well, that's a good idea.
{MR. VALDRIGHI} Okay, then.
(Then, Luan presses her abdomen against Mr. Valdrighi's driver side window, startling both him and his wife.)
{MR. VALDRIGHI} What the-?!?
{MRS. VALDRIGHI} Holy-!!!!
(Mr. and Mrs. Valdrighi read Luan's message for three seconds before the camera cuts to the traffic light turning green. Mrs. Valdrighi then looks in the direction of the road.)
{MRS. VALDRIGHI} The light's green.
{MR. VALDRIGHI} Alright.
(The Valdrighi car drives away with the rest of the cars as Luan watches.)
{LUAN} Yep. I think they got the message. Barhamsville will definitely get more attention thanks to me and my belly. You know what they say: No guts, no glory. (Giggles, then turns to the viewers.) Get it?
(Then, the scene cuts to Skinnydog Bamfield's car pulling up in front of the National Geographic Society's headquarters. Gertorn is seen exiting the car.)
{GERTORN} Thanks for the ride, Skinnydog.
{SKINNYDOG} (Inside the car.) No problem, man! Let us know if you ever need anything else from us.
{LUNA} (Inside the car.) Let us know when you get done, so we can pick you up, alright?
{GERTORN} You got it!
(Skinnydog's car drives away as Gertorn starts walking towards the entrance of the NGS headquarters. Then, once Gertorn enters the building, he walks up to the front desk, where a female receptionist is working.)
{GERTORN} Hello, there. My name is Gertorn Bjornson, and I would like to make a special request on behalf of myself and my hometown.
{RECEPTIONIST} Okay. What is it you plan to request?
{GERTORN} Well, you see, I am currently doing a task for the mayor of this town in Virginia named Barhamsville, which is also where I live, and we the people of Barhamsville strongly suggest that our town is put on the maps of our state, our country, and the whole world.
{RECEPTIONIST} Hmm.... Well, I can schedule an appointment with the CEOs of the company, and you could ask him, but we cannot guarantee that your request will be carried out.
{GERTORN} Thank you for doing that for me, as well as everyone else in Barhamsville.
{RECEPTIONIST} You're welcome. Now, what's the name of your hometown?
{GERTORN} Barhamsville. B-A-R-H-A-M-S-V-I-L-L-E.
{RECEPTIONIST} (Types the aforementioned letters into the computer.) Oh, I see. Alright. Now that the location of Barhamsville has been located, I will send your request to the CEOs of National Geographic, and hopefully they'll agree to it.
{GERTORN} Wonderful! Thanks, ma'am.
{RECEPTIONIST} No problem.
{GERTORN} (Walks back towards the front doors.) That was too easy!
(The scene then cuts back to Barhamsville, where Connor Banjoper is helping Samar make fliers for Barhamsville.)
{SAMAR} Thanks for helping me with this, Mr. Banjoper.
{CONNOR BANJOPER} It's not a problem in any way, Samar. We're doing this all for Barhamsville.
{SAMAR} Barhamsville definitely needs more attention from this whole world. We need to let people know it exists.
{CONNOR BANJOPER} That's exactly why we're doing this. As soon as every last copy is made, you can start passing them out all across America. And if you're lucky, you'll have some to show to the rest of the world.
{SAMAR} I hope that happens. This world could use a town like Barhamsville.
{CONNOR BANJOPER} So, how many fliers are you making here, anyway?
{SAMAR} At least 1,000,000. I wanna have enough to hand out all over the whole country.
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Okay, then.
(Connor then takes out his cellphone to text Cornelius Bathymetrix. The text goes as follows.)
<<CONNOR BANJOPER>> Cornelius, we need to buy two dozen packs of ink cartridges for the copy center.
<<CORNELIUS>> No problem. I'll get right on it.
<<CONNOR BANJOPER>> thX.
<<CORNELIUS>> (Thumbs-up emoji.)
(Then, the scene cuts to Lucy in the airplane sitting next to Connyboy Bossler, who is flying it.)
{LUCY} Are you sure you know what you're doing?
{CONNYBOY} I'm positive! I've only flown a plane twice before today, and I didn't crash either of those times. Hopefully, this one will be the third crash-free flight.
{LUCY} Do you think people are seeing our banner?
{CONNYBOY} They should be. I'm flying on a low altitude, so the banner can be seen from the Interstate.
(The camera cuts to the airplane flying 50 feet above Interstate 64, where several cars are seen driving by it. The camera then cuts to Ian Hecox driving his car. He notices the banner on the airplane.)
{IAN HECOX} (Reading.) "Come to Barhamsville, Virginia." (Stops reading.) Never heard of that city before.
(Then, another car rear-ends Ian's car, and Ian feels the impact.)
{IAN HECOX} Augh! What the f***?
(The camera cuts to reveal the car that rear-ended Ian's car is a blue two-door sedan being driven by Darwin Watterson, with his older brother, Gumball in the passenger seat. The camera then cuts to Gumball and Darwin in the car.)
{GUMBALL} (Sarcastically.) Nice driving, dude.
{DARWIN} The sign on the airplane was distracting me.
{GUMBALL} Typical. Blame everyone but yourself.
(The scene fades to Lucy and Luan inside their apartment, watching an episode of Regular Show on television.)
{MORDECAI} (On TV.) Benson gone....
{RIGBY} (On TV.) Plus soda....
{MORDECAI} (On TV.) Equals....
{MORDECAI and RIGBY} (On TV, simultaneously.) Party! O-o-o-o-h-h-h-h!
{LUCY} I think we did a great job today, don't you think?
{LUAN} Totally! I loved pressing my belly against people's cars to advertise for Barhamsville.
{LUCY} And I enjoyed flying in a plane with a 1950's-style greaser who looks like Connor Banjoper. We flew all over the eastern states, from Minnesota to Florida. It was amazing! By the way, Luan, may I ask where you got the idea to press your belly against people's car windows?
{LUAN} I got it from an Allstate commercial that aired in 2017. After this girl named Sarah's father learned about Allstate from her friend, this guy came up and shoved his abdomen against the car window, thinking Sarah was in the driver's seat. It had a message on it asking Sarah to go to prom with him.
{LUCY} Oh my goodness!
{LUAN} I figured I could do the same since I was crazy enough to try it, and cute enough to pull it off.
{LUCY} Well, that's interesting. (Lucy and Luan continue watching TV.)
{SKIPS} (On TV.) This better be some party.
(Then, Barhamsville News interrupts the Regular Show episode. The camera then cuts to the television screen, where it's showing.)
{THEODORE COOPER} We sincerely apologize for interrupting one of the best Regular Show episodes ever, but we have an urgent news report to announce. Earlier today, Interstate 64 saw a very unpleasant accident involving exactly 100 motor vehicles. We now go live to Bartley Connors, who is on the scene right now.
(The news program cuts to Bartley Connors at the site of the 100-car pileup on Interstate 64.) {BARTLEY} Thank you, Theodore! {THEODORE COOPER} (Offscreen.) You're welcome.
{BARTLEY} As you can see here, we've got a massive pileup of 100 personal and/or commercial vehicles here on Interstate 64, not too far from Barhamsville. The majority of the drivers and passengers involved say that distracted driving was a key factor in causing this accident. People are telling us that an airplane flew just 50 feet above the Interstate, which caused two cars to collide with each other, followed by many more joining the accident. No-one was killed in this accident, but three people have been injured, and one of those injuries is serious. I've got the occupants of the first two cars involved in this accident. How did this pileup begin?
{IAN HECOX} I was just driving down the Interstate, and suddenly, and airplane flew by with a banner that said "Come to Barhamsville, Virginia!". I noticed the airplane go by, and suddenly I got rear-ended by Gumball and Darwin Watterson, who apparently were also distracted by the plane banner.
(The camera cuts back to Lucy and Luan watching the news program in shock.)
{LUCY} Oh my goodness! Connyboy and I caused an accident on Interstate 64! This is all my fault! I just had to come up with the plane banner idea!
{LUAN} Well, looks like your plan just came crashing down. (Giggles.) Get it?
{LUCY} (Gives Luan a disapproving look.)
{LUAN} (Realizing the seriousness of the situation.) Too soon?
{BARTLEY} (On TV.) It appears that we have one person trapped in their wrecked car. It appears to be.... Johnny Depp?!?
{LUCY} Johnny Depp is trapped in his car?!? Okay, we need to go down and help him. And while we're there, we should not - at any point - bring up the fact that I accidentally caused this accident.
{LUAN} Good idea!
(Then, the scene cuts to the site of the accident, where several wrecked cars are scattered along that mile of the Interstate. Lucy and Luan are rushing over to Johnny Depp's car to save him.)
{LUCY} He's gotta be around here somewhere.
{LUAN} I think his car was gray or something.
(Lucy notices Rags, at the scene as well, along with Gertorn, Samar, and Ricardo.)
{LUCY} Guys?!?
{GERTORN} (Looks to his left.) Huh?
(Lucy and Luan both run up to the others.)
{LUAN} You guys are here too?
{SAMAR} Well, yeah. We were nearby, and we couldn't just leave these people to suffer.
{RICARDO} What are you girls about to do?
{LUCY} Johnny Depp is stuck in his car, and we need to save him.
{GERTORN} Oh my goodness! We'll come with you!
{LUAN} Great! Let's go!
(The six Barhambots at the crash site all run to look for Johnny Depp in his car.)
{GERTORN} He should be somewhere around here.
{LUAN} (Points towards the right shoulder of the Interstate.) Is that him?
(The camera cuts to Johnny Depp stuck inside his car, which is one of the 100 cars in the accident. Lucy, Rags, Gertorn, and Ricardo rush over to help him.)
{RICARDO} We gotta get this door open. Is it jammed?
(Lucy pulls on the door handle, and the door quickly comes open, much to everyone's (including Johnny Depp's) surprise.)
{JOHNNY DEPP} Wait, what?
{LUCY} Apparently, it's not jammed.
{RAGS} Seriously? He could've easily gotten out.
{SAMAR} Well, that was a waste of time.
{JOHNNY DEPP} (To himself.) Wow, I'm dumb. (Exits his wrecked car and stands up.) Thanks, guys. I appreciate it.
{LUCY} No problem, Mr. Depp. We're happy to help.
{LUAN} Yeah, we came as soon as we heard you were trapped in there.
{LUCY} We saw you on the news, and we knew we had to help.
{JOHNNY DEPP} I'm glad you did. My car is gonna cost a fortune to fix. Luckily, I'm rich, so it shouldn't be that much of a problem.
(Luan and Ricardo quickly walk up to Johnny Depp with notepads.)
{LUAN} Hey, Johnny. I hope it's not too much trouble or anything, but can I have your autograph?
{RICARDO} Me too!
{JOHNNY DEPP} Sure thing, guys.
(Johnny signs both notepads.)
{LUAN and RICARDO} Thank you!
{JOHNNY DEPP} You're welcome.
(The camera cuts to a skyline of the accident before the scene cuts to Lucy and Luan's apartment the next morning, where Lucy and Luan are watching Barhamsville News once again.)
{THEODORE COOPER} (On TV.) We must thank the six heroic Barhambots who came out to the accident scene yesterday evening to rescue Johnny Depp from being trapped in his wrecked car. According to the Barhamsville Police Department, the accident scene is only about two hours away from being completely cleaned up, and Interstate 64 shall open up once it is.
{LUCY} We did a great thing yesterday. We should be proud of ourselves.
{LUAN} And we are. Otherwise, our reputations would've been a wreck. (Giggles.) Get it? {LUCY} Yeah, I get it, Luan. But, I think it's still too early to be making jokes based on this accident.
{LUAN} Alright, I get that. So, do you think Barhamsville's finally gonna be on the map?
{LUCY} Well, about half of the people involved in the accident agreed to stay in Barhamsville until their cars are fully repaired. Maybe that will get Barhamsville on the map.
{LUAN} Was Johnny Depp among the people who agreed to stay here in Barhamsville?
{LUCY} Actually, Johnny Depp decided to stay in Williamsburg. I don't blame him; Williamsburg is better known.
{LUAN} Oh, okay.
{LUCY} Also, 13 of the cars in the pileup had to be sent to Banjoper Junkyard because they were beyond repair. I don't think Johnny Depp's car was one of the scrapped cars, though.
{LUAN} Wow.
(The scene cuts to the inside of the Walmart in Lightfoot, Williamsburg, Virginia, United States. Connor Banjoper is shopping there.)
{CONNOR BANJOPER} While I'm here, why don't I check out what the book section has to offer?
(Connor walks towards the book section, and once he is in the book section, he looks around for books that interest him. He notices an almanac made by National Geographic for the year 2029.)
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Ooh! I hope they finally have what I hope they have.
(Connor walks over to the alamanac and turns to the geography section. There, he finds a world map, and notices something that pleases him.)
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Yes! I was hoping it would be there! (The camera briefly cuts to the top-left corner of the map, where Barhamsville can be seen on the map.)
{CONNOR BANJOPER} I am so buying this. Good thing I'm rich from my film productions.
(Connor Banjoper puts the almanac in his shopping cart and continues his shopping spree.)
{CONNOR BANJOPER} I gotta thank Gertorn for going into National Geographic's headquarters and putting Barhamsville on these maps.
(The scene then cuts to Johnny Depp about to retrieve his car from a repair shop in the industrial district of Barhamsville.)
{CONNYBOY} Alright, Mr. Depp. Here's your car. Now, the repairs are gonna cost you $5,000 plus another $50 in tax. So.... $5,050.
{JOHNNY DEPP} (Takes $5,050 from his wallet.) Here you go. Pleasure having my car repaired by you. 
{CONNYBOY} Thank you. (Takes the money.) Have a nice day.
{JOHNNY DEPP} You're welcome. You too.
(Johnny Depp gets into his car and starts the engine. Then, he pulls out of the repair shop's entrance and drives away. Then, the scene cuts to Barhamsville's construction crew paving a new exit for Barhamsville.)
{CONSTRUCTION WORKER #1} I think we can get this all done within five days.
{CONSTRUCTION WORKER #2} Maybe if we work nonstop, we can get it done within four.
{CONSTRUCTION WORKER #3} I hope we can get it done period. I wanna see a new exit on Interstate 64. {CONSTRUCTION WORKER #1} Then, let's keep working!
(The construction workers continue working as the scene cuts to Lucy and Luan's apartment that night, where Connor Banjoper is giving them his gratitude for her work.)
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Thank you for putting Barhamsville on these maps, girls.
{LUCY} You're welcome, Mr. Banjoper. Anything to help a fellow Barhamsvillian put this city on the map.
{CONNOR BANJOPER} You Barhambots are the best robots in existence. And that's including outside the Banjoper Universe.
{LUAN} The.... Banjoper Universe?
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Yeah. It's the universe where all my film productions take place.
{LUAN} I thought this was the real universe.
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Well, it kind of is the First Dimension, except it's much less realistic than it. You know what I'm saying?
{LUCY} Does this mean we don't actually exist?
{CONNOR BANJOPER} Lucy, I brought everyone of you Barhambots to the universe, and as far as I know, you'll always exist.
{LUCY} Thank you, Mr. Banjoper.
{CONNOR BANJOPER} You're welcome, Lucy. I hope you have a great life and become successful. See you later.
(Connor exits the apartment.)
{LUCY} Goodbye!
{LUAN} See you whenever! (Turns to Lucy.) He's such a great guy, isn't he? Man, I wish there were more people like him.
{LUCY} I know, right?
(Lucy and Luan exit the scene to the viewers' left as the scene fades to black to indicate the end of the episode.)
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==== END OF EPISODE ====
Category:Transcripts