Shadowrun and Crippling Dragon Dildo Addiction

"Another roleplaying based episode this week as DJ, his brother Deadeye, Gonzales, and myself entertain you with a provocative tale of one girl and her crippling dragon dildo obsession almost ruining a shadowrun RPG campaign.Talking points include: Bladerunner w/ elves, getting put in the chokey, netflix for dicks AKA netdix?, "its what my character would do, Mr Bones the living undead puppet, and fuck you Kenny."-Episode DescriptionShadowrun and crippling Dragon Dildo Addiction is an episode of Let Me Tell you About... Where Dan tells Tad, Michael and Matt about the time that he and some friends from a community college set up a group to play the table-top role-playing game, Shadowrun, A game similar to Duneons and Dragons, but with set in a cyberpunk world.
The main story takes place less inside the game, and more around what happened with members of the group.
== Set-Up ==
Dan (AKA DjWorkSafety) starts the episode with mentioning that he had previously written the story on:
"A certain forum once, dedicated to traditional gaming"Which Michael (AKA Deadeye) immediately interrupts him saying it was simply 4chan, which Dan admits that it was. Tad then makes the the joke that:
"It's our Mongolian cheese farming forum"And Matt (AKA Gonzales, or Gonz) adds:
"Our Japanese porn discussion roundtable for discerning adults"Setting the tone for the episode
Dan, while in community college, met a group of people he became friends with and shared an interest in tabletop role-playing games with. He explains that Shadowrun is essentially DnD bt in a cyberpunk setting and introduces us to the cast of characters, with all but one having their name changed to protect their identities.
Cast: (Note that most have been diagnosed with some form of autism)
Bob: Is on the autism spectrum, hangs out with terrible, awful people because he finds it funny, which Dan agrees with.
John: Very knowledgeable about Shadowrun, keeps quiet most of the time, hilarious when he does talk
Greg: Male nurse, most normal out of the group at first glance, but is the type of person who would go to liveleak just to check it out
Mike (Not Michael): Always plays female characters, the why is what Dan tries to avoid thinking about.
Craig: Metal-head, very energetic, great to be around, also autistic to some degree
Kenny (Name not changed): Absolute garbage terrible person that got kicked out of the group later, a story that comes up later in the episode. Somehow not autistic despite what he did.
== Breakdown ==
Game's going great, everyone's having a good time, it's swell. One day Dan wakes up, checks Facebook and sees a post by Bob on the page for his group stating that he doesn't like John and that he doesn't want to play anymore. Dan tries to talk to them and gets no responses from anyone. He asks if the game is canceled and gets told that they were still going to Bob's place (where the games were held) and that they were maybe going to play. When Dan gets there he comes in and Bob is absolutely pissed and will not tell him about anything. At some point, someone, possibly Greg, pulls him aside to explain the situation. A mutual friend of Bob and John had been commissioned by John to draw some art for him. Bob was upset by this because she had owed Bob about $300.
"So what, John giving her money, shouldn't she be able to pay him back? He's like no, she hasn't payed him back for like a year. Well what the fuck does she spend all her money on? And straight-faced, Dragon Dildos." -Dan, Quoting himself and Greg discussing the issueInterested by this development, Dan asks
"So how many are we talking here?"And Greg responds
"I think she has like, 100."To which Dan immediately does some mental math and determines that because the price is at minimum $100 for one Dragon Dildo, She has spent at least $1000 on these. Also do not question why he knows this. Tad adds that because she may have purchased fake cum for these, the total might be even higher, not even accounting for the fact that she had defenitely purchased the same ones twice, which comes up later. Then the story takes another weird turn when Dan mentions that while she has purchased all of these dildos, she has not left her parent's house, which can only lead someone to think about how the rest of the family sees and thinks about this. He then, to no-one's pleasure mentions that she exclusively only puts it up her ass, never going to her
"Hoo-hah"He then informs us that she has been sucessful enough with her art skills to get people to commission her which she then spends on more dildos.One can only imagine how.
Dan continues with the story, explaining that Bob had tried to convince everyone to stop giving her money so she couldn't purchase as many dildos, therefore having to sell them to get more money, essentially a intervention. Dan then complains about how it isn't even normal dildos that she is obsessed with, and how inherently weird it is that it's dragon dildos, where Tad then adds:
See, i'm imagining like, christmas morning, she goes over to her grandma's house, and grandma, y'know, just, y'know, kind innocent grandma, just, y'know, gets her a normal dildo, and she has to pretend to be excited about it." [Laughter from Michael ensues]Dan then gets into a youtube video she's done with them an unboxing of one of them and how she charges a shit-ton for her art.
Dan then gets back on to the main story repeating that John had broken this agreement to not give her money by commissioning art from her and how Bob is pissed about this. After Bob hearing Greg talk about this to Dan, he then explains that he is mad at John for, quote:
"Being a dildo-enabler"[Laughter ensues]
Dan then contemplates how all the effort he put into his Shadowrun game is about to be wiped away due to a disagreement about a mutual friend's addiction to dragon dildos, and how utterly insane this is. He tells of how he expected the game to fall apart because because of a fictional or real death, moving,etc. He then mentions how there is evidence of some of the dildos due to a youtube video of her shoving a large amount of said dildos in her parent's dishwasher.
[Yet more laughter ensues, especially due to the emphasis on the last few words]
Tad then mentions that he would make that the cover art of the the episode, and true to his word it's what is used in the youtube background.
[PICK UP AT 13:00]
Category:Episode