Operation Bow Wow

Operation Bow Wow is the fifth episode of season five, and the forty-seventh episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on June 15, 2021.
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom
Category:No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom Fifth Season
==Plot==
Mr. Pineapple disguises himself as Mr. Biden’s dog in an attempt to undermine the Bikini Bottom government from within.
== Transcript ==
[The episode begins in Mr. R’Onion’s Environmental Science Class.] 
Mr. Pineapple: I’VE GOT IT! I’VE GOT IT! 
Mr. R’Onion: You’ve got what? The answer to your homework question? 
Mr. Pineapple: No! The answer to overthrowing the Bikini Bottom government! 
Mr. R’Onion: TRAVIS! Stop plotting a communist revolution and GET BACK TO WORK! You’re falling incredibly behind! 
Mr. Pineapple: But Mr. R’Onion, if this is successful, we can finally end the plant genocide once and for all! 
Mr. R’Onion: Hm…I’m listening. 
Mr. Pineapple: I need to dress up as a dog! 
Mr. R’Onion: What? 
Mr. Pineapple: I need to dress up as a dog. 
Mr. R’Onion: Travis! This is a serious matter. How on earth is such unprofessional behavior supposed to help end the plant genocide? 
Mr. Pineapple: Because I shall impersonate Mr. Biden’s dog, Major, and thus get into the White House! That way I can nuke the country! 
Mr. R’Onion: That’s so crazy, it just might work. Let’s do it! 
[cut to the Oval Office]
Mr. Banana: Welp, I’m off to Bikini Bottom High
Mr. Biden: Ooh, let me go with you! I can go see that beautiful Ms. Pineapple! 
Mr. Banana: NO! You need to focus on committing war crimes! Besides, you’re banned from there anyway. 
Mr. Biden: So why are you going? 
Mr. Banana: It’s Fruit Switch Day! This day every year, we switch jobs with another fruit! I’m switching with Mr. Apple.
[Mr. Apple then enters the Oval Office.] 
Mr. Apple: You guys got any blueberries? 
Mr. Banana: Welp, I’m off. Mr. Apple, make sure he stays productive while I’m gone! 
Mr. Apple: Yes sir! 
Mr. Biden: Wait, Mr. Banana, aren’t you also banned from there—
[Mr. Banana walks out. Cut to Mr. Bass’ house] 
Mr. Bass: I can help you. We libertarians specialize in fur suits. Of course...it will come at a price. 
Mr. Pineapple: A price? What price? 
Mr. Bass: $5,000! 
Mr. Pineapple: WHAT
Mr. Bass: Indeed. 
Mr. Pineapple: That’s completely unreasonable! 
Mr. Bass: Well, if you don’t like it, you’re free to take your business elsewhere. Such is the wonder of the free market. 
Mr. Pineapple: Fine! My parents are rich anyway. [hands Mr. Bass the money] 
Mr. Bass: Great! First, I’m going to need you to get completely nude. 
Mr. Pineapple: WHAT
Mr. Bass: Indeed. I must measure you in order to make the costume. 
Mr. Pineapple: Why do I have to get naked for that?! You can measure me with my clothes on! 
Mr. Bass: Nope. How about I supposed to get accurate measurements for the dog penis part of the costume if you have your clothes on? Don’t be ridiculous! 
Mr. Pineapple: Ugh, fine! [takes off his clothes] 
Mr. Bass: Great! We can watch TV while we do it. [turns on the TV]
Mr. Banana: Hello, my name is Mr. Banana. I’m the Chief of Staff, Press Secretary, National Security Advisor, and Health and Human Services Secretary for the Biden Administration. 
Mr. Biden: [off-screen] Gee, Jack, did you have to give you so many positions? 
Mr. Banana: GET BACK IN YOUR CRIB! Anyway, I’m here to explain why you should vote for Mr. Apple in next week’s election. You see, Mr. Apple is going up against a vicious antisemite.
[the ad plays a clip of Mr. Tentacles] 
Mr. Tentacles: I believe we should cut all aid to Israel until they comply with international law and cease committing war crimes.
[cut to Mr. Banana]
Mr. Banana: Whereas Mr. Apple has been a dedicated warrior against racism all his life. In fact, here’s a clip of him confronting Mr. Tentacles on his bigotry. 
[the ad plays a clip of Mr. Apple] 
Mr. Apple: Listen here, you greedy hook-nosed Jew. You and your globalist cabal better keep those grubby tentacles off my money OR ELSE! 
[cut back to Mr. Banana]
Mr. Banana: The choice couldn’t be more clear. Do we really want an antisemite like Mr. Tentacles in office? Make sure you vote Mr. Apple.
Speaker: This ad was paid for Banana Studios.
Mr. Bass: What a low-quality campaign commercial! Not even a single mention of abolishing the age of consent! You’d never see any amateur hour garbage like this from CPTV! 
Mr. Pineapple: Can we just hurry this up already? 
Mr. Bass: You can not rush art, Travis. 
[one hour later] 
Mr. Bass: It’s done! 
[The camera pans over to Mr. Pineapple, who is now dressed in a doggy fur suit.] 
Mr. Pineapple: GREAT! Thanks, Mr. Bass! Now to overthrow the government! [runs out of the house] 
Mr. Bass: No, thank you for the money to buy more illegal pornos! [looks down at the cash] HEY! These aren’t dollars! They’re Soviet rubles!
[Cut to the White House. Mr. Biden’s dog, Major, can be seen resting on the grass. Mr. Pineapple takes out an AK-47 and shoots it.] 
Mr. Pineapple: I hope Tim won’t mind me borrowing his gun. [he quickly disposes of the corpse, taking Major’s place] 
Mr. Biden: Alright, Major. Time to come inside now. 
[Mr. Pineapple follows Mr. Biden inside.] 
Mr. Biden: Now I’m busy assisting Saudi Arabia commit genocide in Yemen, so Mr. Apple is gonna be watching you for now. 
[Mr. Biden leads Mr. Pineapple into the Oval Office, where he is met by a scantily clad Mr. Apple.]
Mr. Apple: I’ve been waiting for you, Major~
[Mr. Pineapple’s eyes widen, quickly beginning to run out of the room.]
Mr. Pineapple: Woof! Woof! Woof!
Mr. Apple: Oh, I love when they play hard to get! [chases him]
[Mr. Pineapple hides under the couch. Mr. Apple then walks into the room, looking for him.] 
Mr. Apple: Now where could that sexy beast have gone? Hm, I’ll go check the kitchen. 
[Mr. Apple exits the room. Mr. Pineapple then gets out from under the couch and goes back into the Oval Office.] 
Mr. Pineapple: Now time to show this imperialist hellhole what it deserves. 
[He turns on Mr. Biden’s computer, typing “pineapplepussy” into the password box. Suddenly, Mrs. Plankton appears.]
Mr. Pineapple: Karen Plankton?! What are you doing here?!
Mrs. Plankton: Well, after Mr. Renaud won the California Senate race, I was fired from my job at BBTV for my prediction being off. Mr. Banana offered to hire me as Mr. Biden’s supercomputer. So here I am. 
Mr. Pineapple: I see. Well, I order you to nuke Bikini Bottom immediately! 
Mr. Biden: Well, I suppose as you are his dog, you are my superior. Nuking Rock Bottom. 
[suddenly Rock Bottom is nuked] 
Mr. Pineapple: What? No, I said BIKINI Bottom, not Rock Bottom. 
Mrs. Plankton: My mistake. Nuking Barnacle Bay. 
[suddenly Barnacle Bay is nuked]
Mr. Pineapple: No! You stupid computer! Now I see why libertarians picked Mr. Bass over you! 
Mrs. Plankton: MR. APPLE, MAJOR IS IN THE OVAL OFFICE! 
[Suddenly Mr. Apple bursts into the room.]
Mr. Apple: Hot diggity dog! 
Mr. Pineapple: AHHHHH! [bites Mr. Apple] 
Mr. Apple: Ohhh, biting, huh? I didn’t know you liked things rough, Major! 
[suddenly Mr. Biden bursts in, picking up Major.]
Mr. Biden: Bad dog! What’s gotten into you? Usually you only bite Palestinians! I’m gonna be taking you back to Delaware. [leaves the room]
Mr. Apple: NO! WAIT! WAIT! 
[Cut to Mr. Biden’s home in Delaware. Mr. Fancyson lays Mr. Pineapple down on the couch.] 
Mr. Fancyson: Disgusting filthy creature. I warned Mr. Biden that a prestigious location like the White House is no place for pets. Only pedophiles! [exits the room] 
Mr. Pineapple: [takes off the fursuit] I can’t believe it! The plan was a bust! I could’ve sworn that dressing up as a dog in order to nuke my home country was fool-proof! 
[suddenly Mr. Biden walks in] 
Mr. Biden: Wait, what?! Ms. Pineapple, that was you the whole time?! 
Mr. Pineapple: Uhhhh, I can explain. 
Mr. Biden: No need to! Now, why don’t you be a good dog for me and sniff my ass? 
[Mr. Biden bends down, placing his posterior in front of Mr. Pineapple’s face.] 
Mr. Pineapple: Nope. 
[Mr. Pineapple gets up and walks up to the front door, opening it and leaving.]
Mr. Biden: Aw, come on, Jack! 
[the episode ends]
== Trivia ==
* This is the first episode with a title card made by Primitive since "Fancyson Enters The Race". 
* In this episode, Mr. Pineapple kills Mr. Biden's dog. Just four days after this episode premiered, Biden's dog died in real life. 
** However, it was Champ who died, not Major, as Mr. Pineapple killed in this episode.