Casper: A Spirited Beginning/Transcript

Oh, dude!
This isn't happening.
This is not happening.
I thought people only flew in dreams.
That's it. I'm having a nightmare.
Wake up, Casper. Come on, snap out of it.
Hey, mister. What's goin' on?
What happened to me?
Scram, deadbeat!
I'm in a grave mood.
What's his problem?
Where's this train goin', lady?
The processing station.
Now let me rest in peace.
Excuse me, but where am I?
That's simple, fog boy. Too close to me.
Let me go.
Later, dude.
What are you trying to do? Kill me?
No, wait! Look out! You're gonna hit the...
How'd they do that?
"Welcome to Deedstown."
This looks like a quiet place.
I hope someone here can help me.
Pardon me, sir. I'm new here and...
Well, welcome to Deedstown, sonny.
A ghost!
A ghost!
A ghost? Where?
He must be seein' things.
What's goin' on?
G-g-ghost!
What's goin' on? Wait. Come back.
Tell me what's happening.
What's everybody goin' crazy for?
Drive!
I don't see any ghost.
Me? I'm no ghost.
My feet! I am a ghost!
No!
This is Captain Carson speaking.
The uniform of the day is...
The X-Files T-shirt!
Dad's breakfast!
T minus four minutes and counting.
I know! I know!
Dad, when did you go to bed?
Early. 2am.
Dad!
I was working on these sketches.
What do you think?
Nice, if you live on Zeta Alpha 5.
Just what this town needs - fresh blood!
Out with the old, in with the new.
No! In with the food! Eat!
Chris.
I'm on a diet.
Fine. More for me.
Don't forget. Tonight's my open house at school. I want you to see my poster.
After I tear down the old Applegate place.
Not the mansion.
Don't start.
It's the first phase of my renovation of the town, and the mayor loves it.
But I like that old mansion. It's really spooky.
No more supernatural stuff. I'll see you later.
Don't forget. Tonight's my open house.
Parents are manda… tory.
OK, to the left, Stan!
Make room here.
Wide load. Give us some room.
Stop the demolition.
You don't have our permission.
Stop the demolition.
You don't have our permission.
Save Applegate Mansion.
Save Applegate Mansion.
You don't have our permission.
Stop the demolition.
Hold it right there, buddy! That's far enough.
We won't trade our landmarks for crass, commercial eyesores.
No, we won't.
No more burger stands.
Wait till Carson gets here.
Please, ladies and gentlemen.
I have an announcement to make.
Just listen to me for one second.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are not the enemy. We are here to improve our town. We're doing that by giving you a brand-new mini-mall.
We don't need a new mini-mall!
Please.
The first thing we've got to do is tear down this dilapidated wreck.
This house survived the decades and we'll make sure it survives you.
Look, lady, cut me some slack.
This place is fallin' apart.
The best thing is to replace it with something useful.
Like what? Another burger stand?
Not another burger stand!
Stop the building, we demand!
Not another burger stand!
Stop the building, we demand!
Ladies and gentlemen, whether you like it or not, in about two seconds this place is gonna become kindling wood.
My apologies. Stan, level this puppy.
Quick! The human wall!
I'm calling the sheriff.
Bull... Doz... Er.
Bull... Doz... Er.
Bull... Doz... Er.
Don't ya get it, bone bag?
Bull... Doz... Er.
No!
Bulldozer!
Gangway, fleshies! Let him through.
Where are they?
Run for your lives!
Missed me. Missed me, skinnard.
He's down for the count.
Fleshie, you're mine, cos possession is nine tenths of the law!
Get away from me!
You hate me. You really hate me!
Simon says shake your body!
Oh, medic! We got a fleshie down!
Coming, Doctor.
I learned this trick from my mummy.
It's a poltergeist party!
I know we're not in Technicolor, so how about odorama?
Move it, pal. This is a no-parking zone.
See what happens when you don't set your alarm?
Well, at least you have a sunroof now.
Before you run off, pal, you'd better check under there.
Under where?
Exactly.
A mega-wedgie!
What a crackup!
My allergy.
I said you were eating too much dairy.
Ghosts three, fleshies nothin'.
I love my job.
Boys, the world is our oyster.
Our playground.
Our love is here to stay.
Thank you. OK, everybody.
Sheriff's on his way...
Wow.
He sure works fast.
Hey, Brock.
Don't ever smack me, bug.
But look - creepy Chris Carson.
I hear he keeps spiders as pets.
Yeah. Probably eats 'em too.
Let's pay him a friendly visit.
So, you off to another weirdo convention?
Drop dead, Brock.
Check it out. Chris is readin' about himself.
You guys really need new material.
Shut up, geek, or I'll pulverize you.
"Pulverize"? Wow, Brock! A three-syllable word. Why on earth did Principal Rabie hold you back a grade?
Brock: I'm gonna love takin' you out, wacko.
Definitely the work of the ghostly trio.
This, I've gotta see.
Dave, it's Tim. Where's my crew?
They quit.
Adios! Reservoir!
Dave, I need this house down.
You got two options, Tim. Find another outfit, or start huffin' and puffin'.
Look, you're the last demolition crew in town.
If Mayor Hunt is not posing in front of some rubble today, I'm dead!
Tough! We don't do ghosts - union rules.
Dave, there are no such things as ghosts!
Dave?
Man, are we good or what?
Yeah. Just like the US scare force!
Fatso, lighten up, huh?
I mean, go turn on the lights.
Yeah, I knew that.
Did we ever spook them bone bags!
Yeah. They didn't even stand a ghost of a chance!
Boy, them fleshies sure can run!
I'll say. Maybe they take extra vitamin E.
Well, maybe we're just the best.
You sure are. Say cheese!
Where?
Cheese!
We'll take three eight by tens.
It's that snoop again.
Chris: The mummy wrap was a nice touch, guys. But the wedgie? It seemed a bit overused, don't you think?
Stretch: Who asked you, nosy?
[He screams in the kid’s face, but Chris is unfazed.]
Chris: Nice try.
Fatso: Ooh, it's Mr Scare-Me-Not.
Stretch: Look, kid. How many times we gotta tell ya? This is an exclusive club, and you ain't invited.
Hey, what's that?
Aha! This is a condemned building.
According to the Ectoplasma Britannica, it's a public place.
Fleshies ain't supposed to have this.
Where'd you get it?
Chris: The Spooker lmage Catalog. So how come you guys decided to move here?
Stinkie: This ain't our home. Though it is a nice location.
Fatso: Oh, yes. Excellent view too. Something of a fixer-upper though.
Stretch: Will you two shut your yaps?
Chris: Come on, guys. I know a lot about ghosts. Let me hang with ya.
Stretch: Hang? (while hanging himself) You're a little late for that event, kid.
Stinkie: Besides, us? Pals with a bone bag? Don't make me laugh.
Stretch: Don't make me puke. (pukes)
Fatso: Don't eat beans around the campfire.
[He farts at Stretch and he angrily stretches his head in retaliation.]
Stretch: Come on, guys. (to Chris) Beat it, biped. You don't scare right.
Chris: Ghosts. What do they know? Oh, my gosh, I'm late for school.
Here they come!
All right, everybody. Settle down, folks.
I'm Snivel, and welcome to our ghost train station.
In other words, the station where we train you to be ghosts. Get it?
OK. Over the next few weeks, you the rookies will be learning the A, Boo, Cs of the ghost life.
OK again. At which time, you will be issued a haunting license.
All right, now. You deadbeats, file through here! Ready, march!
All right, everybody, come on. What are you looking at? I am Snivel. Keep on movin'.
March, march, march.
You didn't laugh at my jokes.
And the grand total is... five.
Oh, no! Who's missing? Casper?
Kibosh: Did you say "missing," you little runt?
Snivel: Kibosh...
Kibosh: I'm in charge here and nobody skips training. Especially little snotnoses named Carter.
Snivel: That's Casper, sir.
Kibosh: Silence! When I want your help, I'll beat it out of you.
Snivel: Of course, O mellow one.
Kibosh: Now, about this Castor...
Snivel: Casper. Sorry.
Kibosh: How would it look if I, the mighty Kibosh, let some wide-eyed rookie run loose without any schooling?
Snivel: Very embarrassing, sir.
Kibosh: Embarrassing? It's disgraceful. Almost as bad as losing track of those three worm-headed deserters. What were their names?
Snivel: Stinky, Stretch and Fatso, sir.
Kibosh: When I find those slackers, I'll tie a sheepshank on their bedsheet butts.
Snivel: Your blood pressure, O stupendous one.
Kibosh: I have no blood! Now, find me this Casper and bring his sorry, hooky-playing tush back here immediately!
Snivel: I'm outta here.
Hi!
Oh, hello.
Excuse me, ma'am. Can you help me, please?
Well, of course, but where are you?
Casper: I'm over here. Just don't be scared, OK?
Gracious me. Who would be scared of a little boy...
G... g... ghost!
Casper: No! Help me! I wish someone would just talk to me.
This reminds me, I gotta see my dentist.
Tim, the news is here to record my glorious speech in front of a flattened house.
And it isn't.
I know, Mr Mayor. It's nuts.
One second my crew was raring to go, then they're hollering "Ghost."
Ghosts?
No, he's just jokin' around.
He's a kidder, you know.
Tim, ghost rumors have been around for the past month.
Yes, Mr Mayor, but most of them are prank calls. They're kids, drunks, nut cases...
My wife?
And charming, intelligent women.
My wife is very intelligent. It takes her an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes,
I have enough trouble keeping people from leaving this sad town, so ixnay on the ghosts.
Yes, sir. Sorry about that.
Mr Mayor? We're almost ready for you.
I'm cool. Everything is cool.
You get that beat-up piece of lumber down by tomorrow or you're finished.
Hey, Chris. Listen. Sorry about this morning, you know. Guess I missed breakfast or somethin'.
Whatever.
You know, I really liked your oral report about that alien spaceship.
Then why'd you throw chalk at me?
That was Danny, not me.
I mean, I loved your report. Right, Leon?
Yeah!
Thanks.
Well, you know Miss Fistergraff liked it better than all of ours put together.
Well, I guess I got into it.
You know my favorite part?
When that soldier got slimed by that alien.
That was digestive bile.
Imagine if that bad boy dropped on you from the sky.
They got Principal Rabie.
They're gonna get it.
All right! Who's responsible for this?
Well, he was really just sorta standing there.
It was him, Principal Rabie.
Yeah, I saw it too. It was Chris.
All of you go to my office at once!
That's not fair.
Excuse me. I'll take care of this one.
He was tardy this morning.
Very well.
Thank you, sir.
The rest of you, march!
It's OK, Chris. I know you didn't do anything.
I know that Brock and his pals have been picking on you for some time.
Well, no big deal. They're losers.
But you've gotta stand up for your rights.
You can't let people get away with that nonsense. It's like Applegate Mansion.
If we don't stand up for it, they're gonna tear it down and build some Choke 'n' Puke.
I'm sorry, Chris. I shouldn't drag you into the middle of my feud with your father.
There he is.
As you know, I'm dedicated to breathing new life into Deedstown.
And what better way than building the Deedstown shopping gallery.
A Dum Dum Donut and a Stop 'n' Spend aren't gonna save this town, Mayor.
There has been some opposition to the project.
Is that why Applegate Mansion is still standing?
I think our town and building contractor Tim Carson should answer that one.
Hi.
TV cameras aren't usually so flattering.
Our plan to revitalize the town is to remove all symbols of our stagnant past.
Those are historical landmarks!
Our first attempt was delayed by interference from a few...
No ghosts.
Right. Militant reactionaries.
Militant?
No need to worry though.
The Deedstown rejuvenation project will soon be back on track.
That creep. That weasel!
You can count on it.
Well, buster.
I'm gonna have another rally, see?
You haven't heard the last of Sheila Fistergraff!
I'm sorry.
No problem.
He didn't scream.
You didn't run away.
A ghost! Hi! Let me get your picture.
You mean you're not scared of me?
Are you kidding? I love ghosts.
Bet it's fun - flying and vanishing!
All I know is everybody just screams at me and runs away.
Sounds pretty lonely.
You don't know how lonely.
Let me guess. You feel like no one's on your side. No one really cares about you.
And no one really likes you.
I feel like that every day.
We've got a lot in common.
I'm Chris.
Casper.
So where do you haunt?
Haunt?
You know, ghosts haunt places.
They do?
Of course. Didn't you go to spook school?
No.
Then I know just who you need to see.
Come on.
All right!
This is my hide-out. Awesome, huh?
Yeah. Really creepy.
So there are other ghosts like me, right?
They were here this morning.
Till they get back I'll teach you about being scary.
But I don't feel like scaring people.
It's your job. It says so in here.
OK, then. I guess I'll try.
Good. Now, this is how most people would think of ghosts.
What? That they're blind?
Just be one with the sheet for a minute.
Let your ghostly instincts guide you, young Spookwalker.
OK. I'll try. Here goes.
Can't we cut some eyeholes in this?
Oh, man. This is stupid, Chris.
Try to be scary by standing still.
All right. I'll try.
Louder.
Scarier.
This kid has serious problems.
Now he's dressing up his friends like us.
He's pathetic.
Even by fleshie standards.
You guys are just in time.
I could use your help.
What's goin' on? Who's out there?
It's the Ghostly Trio.
We know who we are. Who's this?
The phantom of the white sale?
He's the new ghost in town.
No way!
He is, honest. Say hi to Casper.
Hello.
He's one of us!
Well, shrieking and salutations, Casper. 
I'm Stretch, and this here's my brother Stinky.
Ask him how he got his name.
How'd you get your...
How should I know?
I stink, therefore I am.
And this entire fog bank over here
is a weather front named Fatso.
I'm not really fat, just big-boned.
So you guys can teach me
how to change shapes and stuff?
What's the matter, kid? Didn't they teach you nothin' at the trainin' center?
He never went.
Every ghost goes through training.
Huddle!
Boys, this is a golden opportunity.
That kid is genuine raw material, unspoiled by Kibosh.
Casper and the trio.
Yeah. Here's a chance to prove our techniques are better than his.
Then maybe he'll stop huntin' for us.
OK, Casper. You're part of the scream team now.
Yeah, and we're gonna teach you all our tricks and treats of the trade.
Casper: I'll work really hard, honest.
Fatso: That's the spirit, spirit.
Snivel: Wait till Kibosh hears about this. Major Brownie points for the sniveler!
Stretch: The first thing you gotta learn is how to go into stealth mode.
Stinkie: Yeah, you're way too conspicuous otherwise.
Casper: Oh, wow! I gotta learn how to do this.
Stretch: Just clear your mind. Think clear thoughts. Like wind.
Stinkie: Or gas.
Fatso: Gas? Wasn't me.
OK.
Way to go, Casper! High-five, bud!
No, over here. Higher.
Gotcha! This is so cool.
And that's just the beginning, short sheet.
But air-suckers aren't allowed for the rest.
Sorry. Union rules.
Well, I've got important stuff of my own to do.
All right!
Thanks, Chris. See you later.
So what's first, guys?
Flying.
But I only know how to hover.
Just give us your hands.
Up, up and wail!
Couldn't we start with a stepladder?
Nonsense. The best way to learn is the sparrow way.
What's that?
Good boot outta the nest!
This teachin' business is harder than it looks.
There's gotta be someone else, Angie.
Well, there is one place we haven't tried.
Who's that?
Armageddon Demolition.
Tim Carson: Get 'em on the phone.
Bill Case: Armageddon Now. Sergeant Bill Case.
Tim Carson: Hi, this is Tim Carson here in Deedstown. Sir, I've got a building I need torn down…
Bill Case: I volunteer.
Tim Carson: You haven't seen it yet.
Bill Case: No need. Natural, man-made, I make it gone. Hold on, please. In your face!
Tim Carson: What was that?
Bill Case: Just a little extermination job. Occupant has a gopher problem. Correction. Had.
Tim Carson: I see. So when can we meet?
Bill Case: Tomorrow, 1300 hours. Your HQ. Eat your Wheaties and be sharp, soldier.
Are we insured?
Well, the flying went over like a lead coffin.
Now, I want you to go through this wall right here.
How about I start with tissue paper and work up?
No. Now, loosen up, champ.
Say "I am invincible."
I am... in a heap of trouble.
Stop that. Now, look at this spot and concentrate.
See the wall.
I see the wall.
Now, be the wall.
I am the wall.
Now go through the wall.
I am going through the wall.
That's what the public wants - new faces.
OK, forget walls. Try for a good visual.
Watch me.
Heads up, bone bag!
Now you.
All right.
Sorry. Giraffe imitations are out this year.
Oh, rats.
Keep tryin'.
Kibosh: This better be important.
Snivel: Casper's in Deedstown. You'll never guess who's with him.
Kibosh: I hate guessing. Snivel?
Snivel: Sorry, Your Playful One. How foolish of me. The answer is the Ghostly Trio.
Kibosh: You'd better not be wrong.
Snivel: There's more! They're teaching Casper their unorthodox or, may I say, illegal ghostly techniques. They hope to use Casper to put you in your place.
Kibosh: Don't even say those words. Those Halloweenies can't out-teach me. Check on their progress. I want a full report tomorrow.
Snivel: Good thing I'm already dead or that would have killed me.
So she's not a genius, but she moves like a gazelle.
If Maggie doesn't get into this dance club, it could ruin her chances of going to Stanford.
I wanted to go there, it didn't work out. So she could use a little extra help, you know?
Yes, of course. Will you excuse me?
Still no Dad, huh?
He promised he'd be here.
Well, it's still early.
Do you want some punch?
I already had three gallons. Thanks.
Don't worry. He'll show.
It got a bit trashed.
I thought you'd like it back.
Thanks, Jennifer.
So which one's yours?
Right there.
So you really believe in all this ghost stuff?
Sure. Don't you?
Get real.
Ghosts are all around.
You just gotta know where to look.
Well, maybe you can show me one someday.
Sure.
Sorry. I gotta go.
One, two, three, four, five, six...
All right, Tim. I'm outta here.
The Martians have escaped from my pencil sharpener.
That's nice.
Tim!
What?
You really should go home and play with your kid. He probably misses you.
Chris is fine. I've got that handled.
He knows that I'm up to my teeth in work.
And it is not as easy to be a dad and a mom.
Take it easy. I'm sorry I asked.
And I apologize.
It's all right, no problem.
This Applegate thing has got me so wound up.
I know, but you really should take a break.
I wish I could. I gotta finish these sketches for the mayor.
All right. I'll see you tomorrow.
Josh is doing very well this semester.
Really gotten his grades up.
Here's a flier. We're having a rally to save Applegate Mansion tomorrow.
Josh, keep up the good work.
I'll see you tomorrow.
There's your flier.
You're doing very well this semester.
Thanks a lot for coming tonight.
How you doin'?
I knew he'd flake out.
Well, something probably came up.
Something always comes up.
Phantoms, poltergeists?
Which one is your favorite?
Banshees.
They make a lot of noise and nobody can understand them.
They're Irish. They usually Appear just before...
My dad thinks I have an overactive imagination.
A good imagination is a powerful tool.
It allows us to do great things, like saving a landmark against all odds.
I like the way you think. You know, you work almost as hard as my dad.
Well, I'll take that as a compliment.
Let me walk you to the door.
Why don't you have your dad come for a private conference tomorrow at four?
This way we can all meet.
Sure, but he'll probably just bag it again.
Sometimes I think he likes his job more than me.
Well, he may surprise you.
Bye, Miss Fistergraff.
Bye, Chris. I'll see you tomorrow.
Great kid, crummy dad.
No, no, no. Shivery shrieks have gotta come from deep inside you.
Six feet under. Try again.
Go sit down. That "boo" stuff wouldn't even give a fleshie goose bumps.
I'm doing the best I can.
By George, he's got it!
Sorry. I sat on a rusty spring.
Oh, forget it, you guys.
We've been at it all day.
Possession, flying, shape-changing, dismemberment.
Casper just ain't gettin' it.
But I'm trying my hardest.
Sure, kid, but you got no style.
It's cos your motives are all wrong.
Basically, you don't wanna scare humans.
Well, what's wrong with being nice to them?
I'm not hearing this.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Now look what you've done.
You're breathin' life into him.
Look, little guy. We know deep down inside you're really gruesome and horrible.
But we're just not seein' it.
Besides, if you don't learn, it makes us look bad.
I'll work harder.
Sorry, runt.
We've come to a parting of the waves.
There's no place in this world for a friendly ghost.
Get lost!
Get going!
Get a life!
I know, I know. I'm late.
I'm gonna grab a bite at work.
Chris.
Chris.
Chris, what's the matter?
You totally missed my open house.
Was that last night?
I was the only kid there without a parent.
Buddy, I'm so sorry.
Look, the mayor's pressuring me hard right now and...
Everything's more important than me.
I'm gonna make it up to you, pal.
Do you know what today is?
Do you know what today is?
It's wild-and-crazy-guy day!
Yeah, right.
Yes, it is.
Says it right here. You and I are supposed to have a guys-only sit-down dinner.
With no interruptions?
You read my mind.
Honest?
And later you and I are going to the batting cage, and this time I'm gonna beat you.
Yes!
Deal?
Deal!
Gotta go.
Wait.
Since you didn't show up last night, I've had to set up another meeting for today.
You know, a parent-teacher one, at four.
Four? But I have...
Chris, buddy, you can count on me.
See you later, alligator.
Don't forget! Four o'clock.
Yes!
Yeah!
Yeah, well, I'm glad one of us is happy.
Hey, Casper. Did you hear? Dad and I are going to the batting cage tonight.
Casper: Then it's good I stopped by now. I just got the boot. So I'm leavin' town for good.
You can't leave. What's wrong?
Casper: Oh, I'm a lousy ghost.
No, you're not. You know how to go into stealth mode.
Casper: Big whoop. That's the only trick I know.
Didn't the trio help you?
Casper: Nah. They dumped me. Seems I'm too nice to learn anything. So I'm not a human, I'm not a ghost. I'm a nothing.
Stop it. If those three losers won't help you, then I will.
Casper: Why waste your time?
Cos you're my pal.
Casper: I am? Really?
Yeah. And buds gotta help each other.
Casper: You couldn't help a dead alien fall over.
Very funny, marshmallowhead.
The coast is clear.
Are you sure about this?
Come on. I'm gonna teach you how to be a ghost, even if it kills you.
No offense.
Sure. Pick on the living-impaired.
We'll skip over the section on scaring and stick with the basics.
Lesson one - going through walls.
Hey, no problem. I've got that wired.
Watch!
Wait!
I think you're gonna need this
right about now.
What? What'd I say?
A ghost!
Yep. This must be the place.
Help! I need you!
Right now!
Smooth move, Ex-Lax.
So how'd I do?
A for enthusiasm, but D minus for control.
Follow me.
Hi.
Hurry up. It's stuffy in here.
Quiet, Casper.
You need to clean this thing out.
Quit complaining.
That was lesson two - changing shapes.
You're right. Thanks, teach.
OK. Lesson three - invisibility.
I know that one already.
Yeah, but now I want you to carry something heavy as well.
Try picking up that blue book.
You got it.
A ghost taking lessons from a human? The horror!
Casper!
Sorry.
Chris, I'm surprised at you. Books are our friends. You must treat them nicely.
I'm sorry.
Sorry. That was me.
Be more careful.
If I'm invisible, I can't see where I'm going.
Sh! This is a library.
Who are you talking to, space cadet?
Your imaginary pals?
That's only cos daydreamers don't have any real friends.
Don't you have some place to go, like detention?
Come on, guys. Let's go.
He's not bothering us.
You think you're so smart, don't ya?
Freak.
Brock's talkin' to ya, geek.
Yeah, geek.
You'd better watch out.
They say this library is haunted.
By who? Ernest Hauntingway?
No. William Shakespook.
I can't see! Get this off!
This is some sort of trick, right?
Darn right. He's messin' with us.
What?
Excuse me.
Brock, I think you should chill off.
Brock: Make me, runt.
Earth to butthead, you're clear for takeoff.
You're a regular rocketman!
Stop it! Get the thing off! Please, help!
Stop! Stop!
There I was, reading my editorial section - where I always do - when all of a sudden it appeared before me.
Oh, man!
Come on.
This is going on your permanent record.
But there was a ghost and...
Nothin' like overkill.
He had it coming.
This is going on his permanent record.
Way to go, Casper! I think you're ready for the big time. High-five, bud.
Yeah. I wanna go out and try my new powers.
Happy haunting!
Yes!
I'm sorry.
I think I lost him.
You must be Bill Case.
Hi, I'm Tim Carson. Nice to meet you.
Ditto. So what kind of ordnance are you lookin' for here?
Fragmentation grenades, C-4 explosives, missiles, plastique, TNT, cherry bombs?
Help me out here!
I don't know.
This oughta do the trick.
You can detonate this with a plunger or a timer or a simple open flame.
That isn't real, is it?
Affirmative.
Is that the target there?
Yeah. This is it.
Very few problems can't be solved with a suitable application of high explosives.
Tomorrow that place will be bite-size.
Do you think you could put this out, please?
Don't worry about that.
Doesn't go boom without this.
See that? Harmless as a steak knife.
Except one thing. My office is on fire!
Damage control. Drop and roll.
Aren't you trained in this? Put it out!
Now that I'm a real ghost I gotta try out my new talents on someone.
If I can scare him, I can scare anyone.
Here goes.
Hello. How may I help you?
This is a stickup. Open it up!
A g-g-ghost!
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
Hey, wait! I know you're a ghost, but you just saved my life!
Thank you.
Really?
Sure. How about some jerky?
He likes me. Wow! This is great!
Finally, I feel so alive.
Miss Fistergraff? Hi.
Time for our conference?
Yeah, Chris. Come on in.
I was just getting ready for my big rally.
Maybe I could get you to carry one of these signs tomorrow.
Oh, no. There I go again. I'm sorry.
Is my dad here yet?
No, but he has a few minutes, honey.
He's coming this time. I know it.
Come on. I don't want you to be late.
The teacher's name is...
Fester or Fister...
Fistergraff.
Right. Bye-bye.
Would that be Sheila Fistergraff?
Yeah, I think so.
She's the one behind the Save the Mansion movement.
Chris's teacher?
I should have known.
Parent-teacher conference. My Aunt Sally!
That's really good. You're a good artist.
Excuse me.
Sheila Fistergraff.
But, Miss Lions, these conferences are essential to the students...
What?
This is school business.
No, it has nothing to do with the mansion.
Tell Mr Carson if he keeps dodging these meetings, the next call he'll get will be from the board of education.
Chris, I'm sorry. I'm afraid that your father...
Isn't gonna show.
Honey, I'm sure it's not your fault. I'm sure he's under a lot of pressure with his job.
So what else is new?
Come in.
Chris, you shoulda seen me. I was awesome.
People all over town liked me.
Yahoo.
From now on, I'm gonna use my powers to help people.
I wanna be their friend.
I'm so happy for you.
What's wrong?
Dad. He flaked out again. He forgets everything about me.
Parents don't like going to school any more than kids do.
But I'm sure he'll remember your baseball thing.
Yeah, the batting cages.
We're supposed to have dinner too.
All right! Get pumped, dude.
Then I'll top it off by introducing him to my best friend.
Who's that?
You, doofus.
He'll have a hard time forgetting that.
It's my teacher! Hide!
Miss Fistergraff.
Hi.
You left this at school and I thought you might want it back.
Thanks. Do you want a soda or anything?
Sure, all right.
Come on in.
I'll be right back.
I didn't know your dad liked Frank Lloyd Wright.
Oh, yeah. He's a big fan.
There's hope for him yet.
What's this piece?
That's a toy coatrack.
That's so cute.
Must have missed.
No, here. I'll get it.
You look around.
Here's me as a Klingon.
I love Star Trek,
Did you see The Wrath of Khan?
That was a classic.
You know, I was really hopin' to talk to your dad about the mansion.
Did you know that in 1805 the Applegates founded this town?
Without them, none of us would even be living here.
What?
How... how interesting.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, it's true.
Well, I guess I'd better get goin'.
Big rally tomorrow. Wish me luck.
Good luck.
Thank you.
Your porch light's out.
I'll see you tomorrow at school.
Good night.
Close call. I don't think she likes me.
Come on. We've got a dinner to make.
So let's do it.
Better keep your head down.
Nosey neighbors.
Losing Casper.
How about some music?
All right!
Now Casper's the fleshie's slave?
It's time to report in to my master.
What?
Perfectly safe. All done by remote control.
No wires, no fuss, and you, Mr Mayor... you are a hero.
OK. But how are you going to stick the TNT in without those protesters knowing?
It's already in, Mr Mayor. It's already in.
That'll warn ya.
Here we are.
See you manana, boys.
Right.
A human teaching haunting techniques?
It's unorthodox, it's unheard of, it's...
Un-American?
...disgusting! Keep your eye on them.
I'm on my way.
Can you believe this?
That store owner thinks ghosts are friendly.
That was Casper, I tell ya. He's goin' around town doing good deeds for everyone.
Revolting!
The kid's a menace!
I don't know. I kinda liked him around.
It was sorta like a family.
Am I hearin' this?
I can't help it. I feel stuff.
Yeah? Well, feel this.
A friendly ghost is a threat to all ghosts.
So spread out and find that little poltergeek, and don't be too gentle about it.
Looks good, pal, but you forgot a plate.
I want you to join us.
Really?
Gee, thanks!
It's Dad. I'm gonna introduce you to him, so wait by my window. All right?
OK, but what should I say?
Well, just be friendly.
Chris?
Now go!
Chris. Chris!
I can't open the door for strangers.
I'm sorry about the conference. I had an emergency. My office caught on fire.
Yeah, and a gremlin ate my homework.
Look. Char-broiled, medium well.
Admit it. You forgot.
I didn't forget about wild-and-crazy-guy night.
OK, fine. Hurry up.
Chris, that is great!
Thanks. I had help.
Help?
Yeah, I had a friend over.
Yeah? Who's that?
A new kid. In fact, he's comin' over for dinner.
You didn't have to do that. We could go to a restaurant, maybe that Chinese one.
You tore it down.
When did I...? Yeah, I did.
But I put up a Yogurt Hut.
Very sensitive. Why do you tear everything down? I like that old Applegate place.
You're sounding like your teacher, and she is gonna get me fired.
Then you and I, we gotta live under a freeway.
It would just be so...
At least she listens to me.
What's that supposed to mean?
You never pay attention to me. You don't come to my baseball games, or take me to the movies, or listen to what I say.
Chris...
Chris, that's ridiculous. Chris, you know that when...
You promised. No interruptions.
Can I take a phone call? The phone is ringing.
Hello.
Yes. Mr Mayor. Sure.
The memo. Of course I saw it. I just...
No, Dad. The batting cage. You promised.
That was the mayor.
I'm your son.
Chris, don't do this.
At least meet my friend first.
OK. When's he gonna show?
I think he's here right now.
Oh, yeah? Oh, really?
Well, I don't hear the doorbell.
Trust me.
Hello, sir. I'm Casper.
No, no.
Yo, dude. Big C here.
Gotcha, runt. You're comin' with us.
Chris needs me.
Too bad, bulbhead.
Your fleshie-friendly days are over.
I've gotta warn you, he's kinda different, so be nice.
OK.
Dad, meet Casper.
Where is he?
Well, he's a ghost.
Chris, I don't have time for games.
It's not a game. Ghosts are real.
Casper, come on.
Chris, stop.
He probably went to the Applegate Mansion. Let's go.
That Sheila Fistergraff put you up to this.
You're not listening.
This is ridiculous.
Why can't you believe me? Mom would have.
That's it! You have an overactive imagination.
It is time to grow up.
This goes.
This, and this.
This.
Look at this stuff.
Those are mine!
This is trash.
No!
Chris!
You clean this up!
I have to go see the mayor.
You can't! What about our dinner, and the batting cage?
I don't wanna hear it, Chris.
It's not fair! You love your job more than me!
Casper, how could you?
Come on, guys. I've got to help Chris.
We don't give a flyin' banshee.
This fleshie stuff has gotta stop.
It's ruining our reputations.
You've been a goody-goody too long and now it's time to pay the price.
Pay the piper.
Paper or plastic.
Look! Elvis's ghost!
Where?
Where's the king?
Stupid. Everyone knows Elvis is still alive.
Find him.
Wow! You really clobbered 'em tonight.
I'm almost better than you, huh, Dad?
Absolutely. Wait till we tell Mom.
Hey, Mom!
You got me a month of detention, geek.
Wish I could have done more for you.
Here you are.
What do you think you're doing?
Come on, you've had your fun.
You're not standing up for this worm?
No. It's just that... Let's go.
I think she likes the wimp.
So? Do ya?
No. Let go.
Leave her alone!
Mr. Tough Guy.
Stop it.
Why don't you beat it? I never liked you hanging around anyway.
You're coming with us to the Applegate Mansion, weirdo.
Let go of me.
Shut up, you little jerk.
Let go. You're hurting me.
Shut up, you little wimp.
Don't be such a scaredy-cat.
Yeah, wuss.
Let me go.
Shut up!
Quiet, Chris. Sissy creep.
How about over there?
Yeah.
You are gonna die.
Let me out, Brock!
Oops! Looks like you're stayin'.
Let me out, Brock!
Sleep tight, don't let the dead-bugs bite.
No luck.
Ditto.
A wimpy ghost is loose and it's our fault.
What could be worse?
It's worse! Way worse.
Kibosh!
Count on it.
See, I told you they were here.
I caught 'em red-handed.
So where's Chrysler?
Casper.
He's...
Find him.
Yes, Your Backhandedness.
Big K, what a surprise.
You're lookin' trim.
Silence.
I've been searching for you slackers far too long.
Not the cage.
I hate the cage.
Now, to find your little protege Canker.
Hello.
Mr. Carson, is this line secure?
Yeah. Who is this?
It's Bill Case, sir.
Bill, yeah. What time is it?
It's 0600. You don't sound good.
Have you been tortured?
No, I just was working late.
I must have conked out on the couch.
So we are still on target
for Operation Sawdust?
Yeah, sure. You mean the demolition?
First class.
Are there any demonstrators there?
Affirmative. A small platoon,
but they're well outside the perimeter.
But they can't get to the detonator, can they?
Not to worry, sir. I am unstoppable.
That shack is nuked, waxed, history.
OK.
Look, I'll be there soon. If I'm not there
by 6:30 on the dot, demolish the place.
Roger that. Over and out.
Oh, well. I have my orders.
Chris!
Chris.
Chris.
Chris!
Chris!
Chris! Chris!
Chris.
"Sorry I'm always bothering you, so I ran away." Now you'll have the time you need for your work."
Chris, I'm sorry. Last night wasn't my fault.
Get away! Get away!
Careful, Mr Carson.
You are not pulling my leg.
It's OK, really.
I do not believe in ghosts.
Here, is this better?
Are you here?
Boy, Chris was right.
Casper: You really don't have an imagination.
Chris? You know where my son is? If you've done something to my son...
Casper: Relax, Mr Carson. I'm Chris's best friend. In fact, I'm his only friend.
You're Casper?
Casper: In the flesh, or so to speak.
Where's Chris?
Casper: He ran away.
It seems as if I'm always pushing away the people that I love.
Casper: He's only ten, Mr. Carson, and very lonely.
He's lonely? How can he be lonely? I'm always there.
Casper: No. You're always working.
Yeah. He said that.
Find him. You need each other.
You're right, Casper.
We do need each other
and we love each other.
Will you help me find him, Casper?
Sure. I bet he's at the Applegate place.
Chris loves it there.
That's gonna blow in 15 minutes!
What? I gotta warn Chris.
I gotta stop the detonation!
Come on, Bill. Bill.
Bill!
I gotta find my son. He's in danger.
Chris?
You know him?
Yeah. Get in.
Where to?
Applegate place.
You're Sheila Fistergraff.
You got it.
What'd you do this time?
Forget his birthday?
You're always jumping to conclusions.
All I know is I'm not destroying this town.
You're crazy. Stop this car!
You're so stubborn. You don't understand.
Without change this town is dead.
At least I'm not killing it like you are.
Killing it?
Can't you see?
I am just trying to save this town!
Chris! Chris, where are you?
Chris!
Casper?
Chris! Help me out here, buddy.
In here.
Come on, Chris. We gotta get outta here fast.
Where'd you go last night?
Never mind that.
There's a bomb in the house. Let's go.
Great.
The sniveler has sniveled his finest snivel!
Once I grab that rat Capper,
it's back to Processing for all of you for some radical retraining.
More left-wing protesters.
Well, they shall not pass.
No! No, no, no!
Excuse me. Bill, where are you?
Bill, where are you?
Bill, where are you?
Who's Bill? 
He's blowing up this house.
What?
There's a bomb in the house.
We've gotta stop him.
That's the first thing you've said
that I agree with. Bill!
Bill, where are you? Bill!
Bill! Stop the detonator! At ease, soldier.
Get out of my sector, you libertine.
This mission is aborted! Stop!
Bill, you freak, it's me - Tim!
How do I know you're not a master-of-disguise impostor?
It's me, I hired you. I'm firing you.
You're done. It's finished. It's over.
Tim, are you all right?
I'll be right back.
I'm not gonna get out, am I?
Don't give up, Chris.
Maybe I can find the bomb and disarm it.
Found it. Yes!
What's goin' on?
They're gonna blow up the mansion.
Stop the countdown!
Oh, now what? Think, Casper, think!
Leave that house alone, buster!
Must save reputation.
No!
It's past 6:30. You're OK.
I am?
I am! Yes!
We did it!
Negatory, you sniveling, liberal pansies.
My bomb's got a default mechanism. You can wave bye-bye to that rattrap in one minute.
Oh, no.
You raving yahoo maniac!
My only son's in there.
Everybody get back! There's a bomb!
There's a bomb! Get back!
One, two, three...
Chris! Chris, where are you?
In there.
Chris, where are you?
Here!
Open up the door.
I can't. It's locked.
Wait a minute! Hold on!
Hurry up!
Hold on, hold on!
Dad!
Are you OK?
We can't let the bomb hurt the mansion.
But we can't take it outside.
Your dad's right. Go. I'll take care of this.
Great. Now what do I do?
That's their school, O cagey one.
Now I've got you, you little...
Excuse me.
It's still standing.
It's still standing!
Soldier, you have failed.
30 days in the stockade.
As I've been saying all along, we must preserve our historic landmarks.
Would you like an as-boo-rin, sir?
How did you do that?
They taught me, sir.
We did? Yeah, we did.
Told ya we had great techniques.
Then I was wrong to split you three up.
A family as scary as you has my permission to haunt where you want.
But you still need to go through basic training, dropout.
Hey, the little guy stuck up for us.
Now it's our turn.
Sorry, you can't take Casper.
You said yourself that you can't split up a family.
But he's not related to you.
Sure he is. Don't you see the resemblance?
We're...
His uncles.
So you want him, you got him.
But remember the rules.
A family has to stick together for all time.
Yeah. You're stuck with Catto.
That's Casper. Make sure you four never darken my tomb again.
Hold real still.
Sorry, sorry.
That stings.
There you go.
Thank you.
Chris, I'm sorry for ignoring you. I didn't mean to doubt you.
It's OK, Dad. I love you, Dad.
I love you, son.
And you got a great teacher.
So...?
So I guess you're one of us now.
Yeah, like a family. We'll have a home and a rumpus room and everything.
And my training, we could start...
What am I hearin'? A home? A rumpus room?
Fatso, you got blubber in your ears.
Didn't ya hear? That little fleshie's
old man's gonna demolish this place,
tear it down for good.
Pack your bags, Casper. It's haunting the streets for us. We got bupkis.
Miss Fistergraff...
Sheila.
Sheila.
So, Sheila, I was wondering.
If we reclassified this place as a historical
building, how could we spice it up?
What if it had a gimmick?
Like it was haunted, maybe?
That would bring in tourists.
Right. But don't we need ghosts for that?
You mean us?
A place of our own? A tomb with a view?
And from a fleshie?
This breaks all the rules, but I love you, man.
Jeez.
Thanks.
What'd we miss?
You almost got Chris killed.
Cool.
Jennifer: Brock, you're a butt, and you'll always be a butt.
So, snoop, your old man's OK.
If you ever need a favor, just ask.
See those guys? They're the ones who locked me in here with the bomb.
Enough said.
No, no, no.
Now that we're a family, you guys have to try to behave yourselves.
Oh, we will, shortsheet. We will.
Cross our hearts and hope to live.
Shout's honor.
Whaddaya say, boys?
Oh, my God. It's Jennifer. Hide!
Jennifer: Listen, about last night. Those guys were jerks, and so was I for hanging with them.
Sorry.
Don't go.
I didn't know they'd locked you in here.
Were you scared?
It is haunted, you know.
Right.
How would you like to meet a real ghost?
Say hi to Casper.
Hi.
You're a g-g...
Casper: Please don't stutter.
Ghost!
Chris: Casper, I like the effect you have on people.
Casper: (voiceover) Yeah, I think I'll be a good influence on the Ghostly Trio. That's cos you're friendly, Casper. Hey, I like the sound of that. Casper, the friendly wraith. No. Casper, the pleasant poltergeist. Let's just stick with Casper, the friendly ghost.
[He then flies out of the mansion and up to the camera.]
Casper: Boo! (laughs)
[He winks and waves goodbye as the scene fades to black. Roll credits.]
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Category:20th Century Fox Transcripts
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