Transcripts 2000-05

Transcripts from May 2000 strips.
==May 1==
Panel 1Kingston is lying on his stomach on the floor with a joint in his hand. Anne's feet (as she is sitting on the couch) are visible in the panel.Kingston: You know what, I've just thought of something really profound! While I was just laying here I've come up with a theory about people and the universe!Panel 2A photo of the Milky Way with Kingston appearing only as a floating head within his word box (large text dump at the top of the panel).Kingston: Right so the Earth spins right, so you get day and night and the Earth revolves around the sun each year. The sun revolves around the hub of the Milky Way and the Milky Way shoots away from the origin of the universe, the "Big Bang" with all the other galaxies and matter in the continuing explosion.Panel 3Top-down camera view of Kingston from the shoulders up, now lying on his back. Anne's foot and knees are barely visible.Kingston: So at this very moment while I lie here, I'm being spin and flung about in all sorts of directions at the same time! Therefore my theory is this: Everyone who gets travel-sickness must be faking it or they would get it all the time!Panel 4The camera pans out to show Richard lying on the couch with his head against Anne, who is stroking his forehead. Kingston is still lying down but now has a hand behind his head.Kingston: Man the next time anyone says they get carsickness I'm going to slap the shit out of the stupid, little attention seeker!
==May 8==
Guest comic by Ryan Smith
Panel 1A boy with freckles is standing and eating a bowl of cereal, and a girl with floating pigtails is holding a box of (Frui)trix while looking over her shoulder.Boy: Yum! I love having my Fruitrix Cereal part of my daily diet every morning!Girl: Oh no! Here comes the rabbit!Panel 2The kids run away with smiles on their faces.Boy: Quick! Don't let him get ahold of any of the fruity yumminess that helps you get up every morning!Girl: *Giggle*Panel 3Text only: Faint words in the background deformed to look give the impression of motion: "SLICE" "STAB"Off-panel (boy?): Silly rabbit! Fruitrix is just for....AAA!Off-panel (girl?): Silly bunny! You're supposed to eat Fruitrix Cereal with a spoon, not a big ol' rusty knife... AAAACK!!Panel 4Norman walks along with a bloodied machete, holding the cereal box.Norman: #$%&ing kids! Always taking my cereal every morning!Off-panel (boy?): Look! I'm leaking raspberry jam!Off-panel (girl?): Ow! The squigglies in my tummy just slurped out!FooterThis strip was lovingly slapped together by Ryan Smith, the Funny Farm guy. This is obviously based on a Canadian TV commercial for breakfast cereal that's shown in the middle of "Name that Moose" or something. I don't eat breakfast cereal myself. I don't eat breakfast. This is mainly because I wake up just in time for lunch usually.Second comicOnly the first panel is shown: Dave Kelly is glaring at Norman, who has a smug look on his face.Norman: Well look who it is! Dave Kelly, our favorite mick!Dave: Shut your hole, Norman.Second comic block textThe rest of this strip by Dave Kelly has been edited out because Dave is a bit of a perverted f**ker. It isn't that bad but it just goes over the limit on my bad-tasteometer to be shown on the main pages. If you still want to see the rest of this crap; just click on here on this message.Second comic footerI asked Dave Kelly who draws "Living in Greytown" to do a strip for me because he obviously has nothing better to do with his life. A fact he proved by sending me this strip within a day of asking. Too bad I CAN'T F**KING USE IT DAVE! Well not on the main pages anyway.Second comic Panel 1See above.Second comic Panel 2A disgruntled Kingston pokes Dave with a "POKE." Dave looks at him with annoyance.Kingston: I'm sure he meant that in the best possibly way, Mick- -I mean Dave.Panel 3The tip of a gun appears in panel pointing toward Dave, who is clutching a bleeding hole in his chest.Dave: That's it! It's ass kickin' time, ow! NORMAN!Panel 4Richard is on top of Anne, who is moaning and very visibly topless.Richard: And now... SEX!
==May 15==
Panel 1Anne is screaming into the camera.Header: S.S.D.D. presents:Why Girlfriends Are Like ComputersAnne: F**K YOU ALAN!Panel 2Richard is leaning forward and staring into a computer monitor, looking very bored as he types with a "CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK"Caption: They're always after your un-honest input and woe betide you if you stop concentrating...Computer: Have you read this agreement? *YES* Shall I format your hard drive? *YES*Panel 3Same as panel 2, but Richard is leaning back and rolling his eyes, no longer typing.Caption: While not asking outright, both will drop "subtle" hints to spend money on them.Computer: You know this game would look nicer with a new video card...Panel 5The computer is going haywire with the monitor bouncing and peripherals shaking at Richard while he throws his hands in the air with a "WHAT? WHAT?"Caption: At the drop of a hat both will suddenly get shitty with you and you won't have any idea to why or what to do about it.Computer: I've performed an illegal operation. If you really love me you'd know why!Panel 5A hand holding a large glass (beer?) bottle is swinging it toward a happily oblivious, whistling Al's head.Caption: However what a computer WON'T do is brain you with a bottle for drawing a stereotypical sexiest comic strip.
==May 22==
Panel 1Richard is angrily pointing to table legs hanging from the ceiling while Norman looks away with a hammer in his hand.Richard: Why did you nail the kitchen table to the ceiling?Norman: I was bored!Panel 2Richard is clenching his fist in anger at a slightly burned and smoking Norman, who is holding a torch and a jerrycan.Richard: Why did you torch our neighbour's car?Norman: I was bored!Panel 3Richard is grabbing his crotch and nervously "HOP HOP HOP"-ping while Norman gestures at him noncommittally. A small picture of Richard and Anne is hanging on the wall.Richard: Why did you put a padlock on the toilet door?Norman: I was bored!Panel 4Richard winces in pain while Norman crosses his arms smugly.Richard: Alright, alright! You win! We'll buy a bloody satellite dish for the damn telly! Now quit looking so f**king smug and give me the f**king keys to the loo or I'll take a piss in your room!
==May 29==
Panel 1Richard is admiring the satellite receiver box on top of the television.Richard: Y'know, I'm kinda warming to the idea of satellite TV. This sure beats just four channels we used to get. I mean take a look at this men screen! There's enough here to have you channel hopping for hours!Panel 2The camera rotates to view Richard face-on instead of at 3/4 view, otherwise the same as panel 1.Richard: 30 entertainment channels, 90 movie channels, 10 sports channels, 9 news channels, 13 documentary channels, 8 kids channels, 9 music channels...Panel 3Richard glares over his shoulder.Off-panel (Norman): Gimme that 'ere!Off-panel (Kingston): Piss off it's mine! Ah and get off me! Stop trying to touch me up!Off-panel (Norman): Oh yeah, you WISH!Panel 4Kingston and Norman are fighting over the remote. Both have one hand in the other's face, Kingston physically has the remote, and Norman is reaching for it.Caption: But only one remote control.Kingston: F**k off Gates! I'm watching some porno channels and that's the end of it!Norman: Later you wanker, I wanna watch Blade!Kingston: You've seen that film loads of times! Damnit I want to see some tits!
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