Fighting with Wolves

The eighth episode of the series. Enjoy!
==Script==
Normal text = The character is speaking normally. Italic text = The character is singing.
*(Rack is watching the news.)
*Reporter: ....And that's how the little mutant pig boy got out of the well. In other news, Mayor US read to kids at a local school.
*(Cuts to US reading a children's book in a classroom.)
*US: (reading):.....And........... and then............ little............ Jimmy........ went to............. the........... li-........... librar-........ librarie. (not reading): Whoa, this library thing got popular fast!
*Dep Mayor: Are you having trouble, Miss US?
*US: Shhhhhh! I'm reading!
*Rack: US is a great reader.
*NH: Ha, you must be kidding. Rig is a better reader than that imbecile. Rig, read.
*Rig: Math gives me gas.
*Rack: Huh? Oh, yeah, nice.
*NH: Are you ignoring me?!
*Rack: Okay.
*NH: I will not be ignored!
*Rack: Okay, have fun at the dance.
*NH: Let's go, Rig. We must rule the town.
*Rig: Math gives me the pooties, pooties, pooties, pooties pooties, pooties, pootie-
*NH: Stop. Singing.
*Rig: Aw, okay. I'LL JUST YELL THEN!
*NH: Rig, stop wasting time!
*Rig: YELLING, YELLING, YELL-Okay.
*(Later......)
*NH: Hm, we need to figure out a way to rule the town.
*(Rig is chewing the foam of a coach.)
*Rig: I got rabies!
*NH: ............Perhaps I need more help.
*(NH and Rig are walking in the streets.)
*Rig: Are we gettin' fast food? Are we gettin' fast food? Are we gettin' fast food? Are we-.
*NH: No Rig. We're getting help to rule the town.
*Rig: Aw, but I want some food.
*NH: Look in the garbage then.
*Rig: Okay!
*(Rig eats food in the garbage.)
*NH: That'll keep her busy for 5......
*(Rig shows up.)
*NH: .......Seconds. Oh well. Do you have any ideas how to lure our help?
*Rig: Steak! It has chicken and chocolate in it!
*NH: Rig.......... we're not doing that.
*Rig: I'm telling ya........ it'll work!
*NH: I'd rather civilly ask them to.
*Rig: I dunno what that means.
*NH: Okay, you stay here, and I'll convince them and come back.
*Rig: Okie dokie.
*(NH leaves.)
*Rig: (Notices candy wrapper; the candy wrapper goes away with the wind): No, comes back! I need to know more about you!
*(Rig runs away, following the wrapper.)
*(Cut to NH.)
*NH: (notices building): Hm, what's this? (looks at the window; notices wolves from inside the building): Yes, my own kind! Finally someone I can relate to!
*(Cut to the wolves inside the building.)
*Wolf: Oh my, why is that wolf outside talking to himself?
*Wolf #2: I have no idea. Perhaps we should let him inside?
*Wolf: Why not? Perhaps he could be just like us.
*(One of the wolves opens the door.)
*NH: And then I'll finally-. Oh hello.
*Wolf: Would you like to come in?
*NH: Why of course.
*(NH goes inside.)
*Wolf: Now, may I ask, why were you outside all alone talking to yourself?
*NH: Oh, I do that a lot. That's just who I am.
*Wolf: I see.
*NH: But I did however come by to ask you all something.
*Wolf: Go ahead, and, as they say, "shoot".
*NH: I wanted to civilly ask you all to be in my army and rule the town. What do you say?
*Wolf: I must apologize but we do not want to be in any army. Thank you for the offer though.
*NH: You will join my army if it is the last thing I do! (Slams door hard)
*Wolf: I must say he seems dedicated to join his army.
*(NH is walking back to where Rig was.)
*NH: Rig? Rig? Where are you?
*(Notices a note on the ground.)
*(The note says in horrible spelling and NH reads: "II haad tooo findd aa kandy rapper. C yaa l8ter.") 
*NH: Idiot. (sniffs) Ew, what's that smell? Oh, it's Rig's "steak". Hm......
*(NH goes back to the place with the wolves.)
*(NH knocks at the door.)
*Wolf: Oh my, it is that wolf fellow again. Perhaps he is here for the same reason as before. I will open it anyway.
*(Opens door.)
*NH: Look what I have brought: steak!
*Wolf: Steak? DID HE JUST SAY STEAK?!
*(All of the wolves quickly jump on NH and attempt to eat the steak.)
*NH: Now will you be in my army?
*Wolves: Indubitably.
*NH: Excellent.
*(Later. The wolves are discussing what their name should be.)
*NH: Brethren, welcome to The Army of New Heathera.
*Wolf: Why not Army of the Wolves?
*NH: New Heathera sounds better.
*Wolf #2: I don't know, maybe The Army of William Chester III?
*(A cricket is heard chirping.)
*Wolf #2: Hmph.
*NH: So it's settled.
*Wolf: Hahahahahhahahah!
*NH: What's so funny?
*Wolf:You did it again! Oh, how you amuse me so.
*NH: Did what?
*Wolf: You spoke in contractions. How informal. Hahahahahha!
*NH: Anyway...... let's go to town hall!
*(Cut to Rack in his house.)
*Rack: Huh, NH has been gone for an awfully long time. I should check up on him.
*(Rack looks all over the house and doesn't find him.)
*Rack: Where could he be?
*Reporter:(Voice only): Breaking news! A pack of wolves are going to city hall and-.
*(The wolves attack the reporter.)
*NH: You didn't see anything!
*(TV goes to static.)
*Rack: That sounded a lot like NH. No, it can't be, he would never. But what if.......... oh no, my NH! Don't do it! (Runs out of the house and to US's office.)
*Rack: US, US, US!
*US: Raclk, Raclk, Raclk! What's up?
*Rack: NH made a army with other wolves and he's coming here to kill you and take over the town!
*US: I'm sorry, what? I was cleaning my ear.
*Rack: US, this is serious! If we don't do anything, NH and his army will take over the town and kill you! You need to do something!
*US: I don't wanna. I just wanna sit on my butt now.
*Rack: Oh........ well I guess you don't want my lamp then........
*US: Lamp? DID YOU JUST SAY LAMP?!
*Rack: Yep. Would've looked nice in your office too, but oh well......
*US: I LOVE LAMP. GIMME!
*Rack: Only if you help me stop them.
*US: Fine. It better be a purple lamp.
*Rack: Oh it is.
*US: Then why are we flapping our gums!? Let's go!
*(The two leave.)
*(Cut to NH and his army.)
*Wolf #3: Are we there yet?
*NH: If you ask that one more time, I will kick you out of the army.
*Wolf: (mumbling): Not very leader like.
*NH: What was that?!
*Wolf: Oh nothing. You are just imagining things.
*NH: Mm.
*(Rack and US bump into them.)
*Rack: NH! How could you?!
*Wolf: Our leader is friends with a human?!
*(All the wolves laugh.)
*NH: I am not friends with that HUMAN! He owns me!
*Wolf: You are actually OWNED?!
*(The wolves laugh even more.)
*NH: Stop laughing at me!
*Wolf: You are obviously unfit to be a leader. We are kicking you out of the club. Goodbye, and good day.
*(They literally kick him out.)
*Wolf: I will assume leadership duties. We are now: The Army of the Wolves. Now, let us continue where we left off.
*(The wolves head to town hall.)
*US: Hey, hey, hey! You're not going anywhere with me around!
*Wolf: Hahahahahha! You are just one person!
*US: Yep, but this one person is a black belt in karate!
*(US uses her karate moves and attacks all the wolves. She then kicks them away.)
*US: Piece of cake. Now, to my office! (Walks on her hands to her office)
*NH: What just happened?
*Rack: I don't know, but I'm glad to see you! (Hugs NH)
*NH: Let go of me HUMAN!
*Rack: Sorry. Wanna go play with the squirrels?
*NH: YES. I haven't had one in ages!
*(The two leave.)
*(Rig pops up out of nowhere.)
*Rig: Come on, candy wrapper, talk to me!
*THE END.
==Credits==
===Starring===
*Rackliffelikespurple as Rack
*New Heathera as NH
*Utter solitude as US
*Rigbybestie1510 as Rig
*Wolves as Wolves
*Reporter as Reporter
*Dep Mayor as Dep Mayor
*Children as Children
*Teacher as Teacher
===Writing===
*Story by: New Heathera
*Written by: Rackliffelikespurple
*Additional Material: Utter solitude, New Heathera and Rigbybestie1510
===Thanks===
To New Heathera, Utter solitude and Rigbybestie1510 for being the inspirations to the corresponding characters.
==Math Gives Me the Pooties==
*Lyrics by: Rackliffelikespurple
===Lyrics===
Rig: Math gives me the pooties, pooties, pooties, pooties pooties, pooties, pootie- (interrupted)
===Remix===
*Remix by: AngryGodzillaPie
Click here for the remix.
==Other==
This was a little tricky to do, but I like the end result. I'm REALLY looking forward to next week's ep though!
Thanks for reading! :)
Category:Episodes