Charlie Evans on the Starship USS Enterprise

Captain's Log, star date 1533.6. Now manoeuvring to come alongside cargo vessel Antares. Its Captain and First officer are beaming over to us with an unusual passenger. 
[Transporter room] 
KIRK: All right, Chief, begin materialisation. Captain Ramart, I'm Captain Kirk. 
RAMART: This is my navigator Tom Nellis. 
KIRK: How do you do? 
NELLIS: How do you do? 
RAMART: And this is our young castaway Charlie, Charlie Evans. His dossier. 
KIRK: Mister Evans. We've heard a great deal about you. Welcome aboard. 
RAMART: Wonderful boy, Charlie. Its been an honour having him aboard. 
NELLIS: Why, it's been a great pleasure. The things that he's learned in the last 
RAMART: Absolutely. To think this boy spent practically his whole life alone on that planet. Everyone killed, just a few microtapes to learn from. 
CHARLIE: How many humans like me on this ship? 
RAMART: Like a whole city in space, Charlie. Over four hundred in the crew of a starship, aren't there, Captain? 
KIRK: Four hundred and twenty eight, to be exact. Is there anything we can do for you, Captain? Medical supplies, provisions? 
CHARLIE: Hundreds. All human, like me. That's exciting. Is that the right word? 
NELLIS: That's perfect. It's the exact word. 
RAMART: You see. We'd like to keep Charlie with us, but with his closest living relatives on Colony Five and your vessel going that way, why 
CHARLIE: I'd like to see your ship now. All of it. The people and everything. 
KIRK: You keep interrupting, Mister Evans. That's considered wrong. 
CHARLIE: I'm sorry. 
KIRK: We have a large supply of entertainment tapes, gentlemen. 
RAMART: No, we've a tight schedule to make, Captain. Just twenty of us, we're making out fine. 
KIRK: This must be a space first. A transport ship that doesn't need anything? 
RAMART: Nothing. 
KIRK: Not even Sarian brandy? 
RAMART: We're fine, thank you. Pleasant journey, Captain. 
KIRK: Thank you. (the pair are beamed off) 
KIRK: Yeoman Rand, this is Charles Evans. Show him to his quarters and drop his records off at Doctor McCoy's office, if you will. 
RAND: Yes, sir. Come with me, please. 
CHARLIE: Are you a girl? Is that a girl? 
KIRK: That's a girl. 
Captain's Log, star date 1533.7. We have taken aboard an unusual passenger for transport to Colony Alpha Five. Charles Evans, the sole survivor of a transport crash fourteen years ago. The child, alone from age three, has not only survived, but has grown to intelligent, healthy adolescence. 
[Sickbay] 
MCCOY: Tell me. The ship's supply of food concentrates couldn't have lasted fourteen years. 
CHARLIE: After that I found other things to eat, just growing around. 
MCCOY: And you learned to talk by just listening to the ship's tapes? 
CHARLIE: The memory banks still worked. They talked to me, and I talked back. 
MCCOY: You're four-oh. 
CHARLIE: Four? 
MCCOY: Four-oh. One hundred percent. Sound of wind and limb. 
CHARLIE: That, that Captain. Kirk? 
MCCOY: Yeah. 
CHARLIE: Why does he call me Mister Evans? 
MCCOY: Because that's your name. 
CHARLIE: He's not, well, he isn't like Captain Ramart. 
MCCOY: Well, no. Captain Kirk is one of a kind, Charlie. 
CHARLIE: Do you like me? 
MCCOY: Why not? 
CHARLIE: Some, the other ship, they didn't like me. I tried. I'm trying to make people like me. I want them to like me. 
MCCOY: Most seventeen year olds do. Come on, let's go. I'll show you to your quarters. 
[Corridor] 
CREWMAN 1: Hey, I'll put the equipment away. See you in the rec room, huh? 
CREWMAN 2: You got a deal, friend. (slaps man on bottom) 
CREWMAN 1: All right. (to Charlie) Hello. 
CHARLIE: I brought you a present. 
RAND: Oh, thank you. I really appreciate it, but, but I have to go. I'm on duty. 
CHARLIE: Do you like that kind? 
RAND: Yes, I, it's my favourite. Where did you get it? They don't have any in the ship's stores.
CHARLIE: It's a present. 
RAND: I know, but where did? Gee, I'm late, Charlie. I really have to go. 
CHARLIE: Can't you stay and talk a little while? 
RAND: Look, I'm off duty at fourteen hundred. Why don't you join me in recreation room six, deck three. 
CHARLIE: You got a deal, friend. (slaps her bottom) 
RAND: Charlie! 
CHARLIE: I thought. Don't be angry. I didn't, I wanted. 
RAND: Charlie, you, you, you just don't go around slapping girls on the. It's okay, but er, just don't do it again. 
CHARLIE: Don't be angry. 
RAND: Look, why don't you tell Captain Kirk or Doctor McCoy what you did. They'll explain it to you. Okay? 
CHARLIE: I will. 
RAND: Okay. 
[Bridge] 
MCCOY: But tell me, what reason would he have to lie if there are Thasians? 
SPOCK: That is a very intriguing question. Scanners show no disturbances in this quadrant, Captain. 
KIRK: Good. Doctor McCoy, Mister Spock is working out 
UHURA: Excuse me, Captain. Status report. 
KIRK: Thank you. He's working out a training program for Charlie Evans. Earth history, his own background, that sort of thing. I'd like you to give him the necessary medical orientation on the problems of, um, er, adolescence. 
MCCOY: Well, don't you think it'd be better for a strong father image like you? He already looks up to you. 
KIRK: The job is yours, Bones. Flattery will get you nowhere. 
SPOCK: Doctor, didn't the boy make any reference at all to Thasians? 
KIRK: Do you believe the legend, Mister Spock, that Thasians still exist on that planet in some form? 
SPOCK: Charlie's very existence proves in fact there must be some intelligent form of life on Thasus. He could not possibly have survived alone. The ship's food concentrates would have been exhausted in a year or so. 
MCCOY: By which time he would have been eating fruits, vegetables. 
SPOCK: Probes of Thasus indicate very little edible plant life. 
MCCOY: And probes have been known to be wrong, Spock. 
MCCOY: Doctor, are you speaking scientifically or emotionally? 
KIRK: Gentlemen, the fact is the boy is here and he's alive and he needs our help. 
MCCOY: And he needs a guide and he needs a father image, Jim. 
KIRK: Hmm. I'll depend on your astute abilities to supply him with that, or find him one. 
[Recreation room] 
(Spock is strumming his lyre when Uhura starts humming. Spock stops) 
UHURA: I'm sorry. I did it again, didn't I. (Spock smirks and begins playing again) (singing) Oh, on the starship Enterprise There's someone who's in Satan's guise Whose devil ears and devil eyes Could rip your heart from you. At first, his look could hypnotise And then his touch would barbarise His alien love could victimise And rip your heart from you. And that's why female astronauts, Oh, very female astronauts Wait terrified and overwrought To find what he will do. Oh, girls in space, be wary, be wary, be wary, Girls in space, be wary. We know not what he'll do.