Crash of the Titans script

This page is a transcription of all cutscenes and lines in the console version of Crash of the Titans.
Notes:
*All lines are listed in chronological order of appearance in regular gameplay. Lines that play in more than one episode are in section "Extras".
*Repeated lines, such as those spoken by minions, are listed only once.
*Lines listed with bullet points play at random (rather than sequentially) when a given condition is met.
*Lines that are spoken within a cutscene are marked with (C). Lines spoken during gameplay are instead marked (L).
*Only cutscenes with spoken lines are included.
==Episode 1: A New Hop==
===Introduction (C)===
[Camera pans over the Bandicoot house. Cut to the bandicoot family: Aku Aku is meditating, Crunch is doing push-ups, and Coco is working on a strange device while Crash gnaws on one of her tools.]
Crunch: (grunting)
Coco: "Crash, help me get this gizmo working! At long last, the world will have a way to recycle butter!"
Crash: (belches)
Coco: "Hey, that was a good one."
Crash: (laughs)
Coco: "Okay, okay, hand me the transpalooper."
Crash: (confused gibberish)
Coco: (laughs) "The purple thingy."
Crash: "Ah!"
[Crash gets up to hand her the tool, but stops and points at something up above.]
Crash: (gibberish, sounds like "look at that!")
[A shadow passes over the bandicoots, revealed to be that of a giant airship. An aperture on the ship opens up, and a megaphone extends out of it.]
Cortex: "Is... is this thing on? Yeah? Haha! I'm back, babies! Surrender to Cortex!"
Crunch: "Make us, sucka!"
Cortex: "Hey genius, I can't actually hear you. I'm really far away and I'm flying, like, a hovercraft, or something."
Aku Aku: "I will deal with them. I have been fighting evil for many centuries."
Crunch: "What? You don't even got a body."
[Aku Aku turns around. The ship drops a large cage on him.]
Aku Aku: "Help!"
[Another cage is also dropped on Coco.]
Coco: "Crash, help!"
Crash: (distressed noise)
[The airship fires a beam at the remaining bandicoots. Crash jumps out of the way, but Crunch is frozen in place from the neck down.]
Cortex: "I'm off to do bad things!"
[The blimp takes off.]
Cortex: "Ta-ta!"
[Crash picks up the butter recycler and throws it at the ship, knocking Aku Aku's cage from its chain. It lands somewhere in the jungle.]
Aku Aku: "Aaaaah!" (grunts)
[Cut back to Crash and Crunch.]
Crunch: "Uh, I'm just gonna stay here a while."
===Movement tutorial (L)===
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, to walk or run, simply move the left analogue stick. To jump, press the button. Press the button again while in the air to perform a double jump."
===Attacking tutorial (L)===
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, press the button to smash stuff and collect magical mojo. The more you collect, the more powerful you become."
===Ratnician conversation 1 (L)===
Ratnician 1: "Do you see anything?"
Ratnician 2: "Ooh, what am I looking for again? Help me out here!"
Ratnician 1: "We're looking for the bandicoot, you moronic simpleton! The greatest threat to the lovely master's plans."
Ratnician 2: "But how can those rodents be a threat compared to us rodents and the likey and the like and—oh, so nice!"
Ratnician 1: "Well, allow me to educate you, my uneducated little chum. Bandicoots: a medium sized marsupial omnivore from the order of Peramelemorphia."
Ratnician 2: "Obviously, yes, everyone knows that, nyehhh."
Ratnician 1: "But, what most people don't know is that Peramelemorphian creatures are immune to mojo control. Oh, lovely, oh, control."
Ratnician 2: "But that means they can never learn to love the master!"
Ratnician 1: "Yes, you are down like a clown, my righteous colleague, so stay sharp! We have got bandicoots to subdue!"
Ratnician 2: "Science is fun!"
Ratnician 1: "Science, and learning. And maths, and, uh, arithmeterography."
===Air jump tutorial (L)===
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Come on, Crash. Jump with the button, then press the button again while in the air to do an air jump."
===Ratnician conversation 2 (L)===
Ratnician 1: "Do you see any bandicoots?"
Ratnician 2: "No, I don't see any bandicoots, so be quiet, you silly person!"
Ratnician 1: "Why is the boss kidnapping mutants? Doesn't he like us, like, when he first made us? Oh, he was so romantic and lovely!"
Ratnician 2: "Oh, of course he likes us! That's crazy talk you're sayin' there! He just needs more mutants and mojo to build his secret doomsday weapon."
Ratnician 1: "What is he making?"
Ratnician 2: "Wow, if I tell you it's not a secret, is it, you crazy silly! 'Cause it's a secret! Meaning it can't be said. Now enough talk! Back to looking for bandicoots."
===Bouncy Bouncy tutorial (L)===
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, press the button when landing on a mushroom to go really, really high."
===Spin Hover tutorial (L)===
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, while in the air, repeatedly press the button to spin and slow your fall."
===When destroying the first Spybot (L)===
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Good job Crash! You destroyed one of the bad guy's surveillance robots. Destroying all of them earns you greater rewards."
===Finding Aku Aku (C)===
[A group of Ratnicians surround Aku Aku's cage, attempting to move it, but it is too heavy.]
Ratnicians: (grunting)
===Freeing Aku Aku (C)===
[Crash lifts the cage door open, freeing Aku Aku.]
Aku Aku: "Thank you, Crash. My powers were useless against them."
Crash: (gibberish)
Aku Aku: "Dark magic is behind these creatures. Strange things are afoot."
Crash: "Huh?"
Aku Aku: "Yes, I know I don't have feet. Let's just go already!"
[They hear growling from atop the ridge, then look up and see a Spike retreating into the woods. Cut to Crash, cowering behind Aku Aku.]
Crash: (whimpers)
===Blocking tutorial (L)===
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash. Hold the button to use me to block enemy attacks. That's my face, though, so go easy on me."
==Episode 2: A Succumbing to Age Story==
===Picking up a free-jack (L)===
Aku Aku (voiceover): "Crash, you've got a free-jack. This concentrated blast of mojo magic lets you stun any enemy with one blow."
===Tic Tac tutorial (L)===
Aku Aku (voiceover): "I think you can jump up here with some good timing. Jump up with the button. Then, push against the wall, and press the button to jump even higher.
==Episode 3: A Zero's Journey==
===Ratnician conversation 3 (L)===
Ratnician 1: "So what are we doing in this crazy place? I mean it's weird and unusual and the like."
Ratnician 2: "Well, we have determined through science that this place is the single greatest collection of mojo on the island!"
Ratnician 1: "Oh, that's a good thing."
Ratnician 2: "You're darn tootin' it's a good thing! With the haul of mojo from this one location, we can build a huge and mighty army... with felonious intent."
Ratnician 1: "Oh fabulous, felonious, I'm looking forward to that part."
Ratnician 2: "Indeed. There's really no way it could go wrong. Because, let's face it, the boss is overdue for a win."
Ratnician 1: "Oh, heh, overdue, on a scale of one-to-overdue, he's terrible, because... his recent history, not good. Bad in fact, because... his evil schemes are like, zero for a—a number bigger than zero."
===Trouble at the temple (C)===
[Crash and Aku Aku approach the mojo temple. Cortex's airship can be seen stationed at the top.]
Aku Aku: "Crash, it's as I feared. Cortex and Uka Uka are stealing all the mojo from the temple. This is somehow related to the strange mutants we've been fighting."
Crash: (gibberish)
Aku Aku: "There's an enormous treasure of mojo contained within! It's like the Texas Mojo Repository in there! Hurry, Crash!"
==Episode 4: The Temple of Zoom==
===Facing Cortex (C)===
[Atop the temple, the airship's vacuum nozzle drains the pool of mojo in the center. Cortex and Uka Uka are on a platform suspended in the air. Coco is with them, restrained by a metal cuff.]
Cortex: "Crash, you gullible fool! You walked right into my trap. Now I'll have you and the mojo!"
Coco: "Cortex, why do you keep doing stuff like this?"
Cortex: "Well, actually, it's pretty fun. You should try it. You know, riding around in huge rumbling machines and whatnot. Very stimulating."
Crash: (confused gibberish)
Cortex: "Uka Uka taught me a new process called 'mojo mutations'. I will use the stolen mojo to create a huge army of loyal mutants. Not rejects like you guys."
Coco: "You jerk."
Cortex: "But best of all, I will use this army to construct a mighty robot, the largest doomsday device I've ever built. I will smash Wumpa Island, then take over the world! And I shall call this robot... the Doominator!"
Crash: (frightened gibberish, sounds like "oh no!")
Coco: "The name sucks."
Uka Uka: "Cortex, deal with Crash and my pathetic brother. I will take the mojo and bandicoot female back to our base."
[The nozzle retracts into the airship, along with Cortex, Uka Uka and Coco. The aperture re-opens, dropping Yuktopus into the arena. Cortex also is dropped onto a platform behind it.]
===Neo Cortex fight quotes (L)===
====When a titan is jacked====
*"Stop helping him! Snap out of it!"
*"Oh dear."
*"Oh, this won't end well."
*"Et tu, Mute?"
*"Get off him, Crash! I like that guy! ...As a friend."
*"Oh, this isn't going well."
*"Everyone's turning on me!"
*"Lousy traitor. I should casserole you!"
*"Stop cheating, Crash! Only I get to cheat."
*"Now I'm just furious."
*"I trusted you!"
*"But you were my favourite!"
*"I have had enough of you."
====When Yuktopus is attacked====
*"Ooh... that one hurt a little bit."
*"You're a bum."
*"I skinned my knee!"
*"I should bust my stiff upper lip on you!"
*"Why won't you let me take over the world?!"
*"When I'm king of the world, you are sooo in trouble."
*"You evolved reprobate! Quit it!"
*"Wretched little rodent!"
====When Yuktopus blocks an attack====
*"What's the matter, Crash? Too little?"
*"Come on, Crash. Put some muscle into it!"
*"Ow! Look, stop that!"
*"Is that all you've got, little man?"
*"Oh, I feel something tickling me."
*"Oh, that'll take all day to hurt."
*"I do like being a big man."
*"Um, how you doing down there?"
*"Oh, ow, ow! He's killing me!"
*"Looking a little weak there, Crash."
*"That wee attack is nothing."
*"Feels like... an ant biting me!"
*"You pathetic hairball. That's nothing!"
====When Crash dies====
*"Oh, yay! That was a good one!"
====When a piece of the arena is broken====
*"Stop destroying my wonderful plan!"
*"It's no good, Crash. I'm still smashing you flat."
====Unknown condition====
*"You're making me so mad!"
*"Look, just get him off your head! How hard can that be?!"
*"I've got you, Crash!"
*"Help! Bandicoots in my special place!"
===Cortex defeated (C)===
[Yuktopus bellows, then stumbles to the ground in defeat. Aku Aku detaches from its face as Crash dismounts.]
Crash: "Woo-hoo!"
Cortex: "You think you've won, you furry simpleton? Well, Uka Uka got away with the mojo and your sister! You'll never find them in time. The next time you see me, Crash, I'll be controlling a world-conquering robot!"
[Cortex's rocket boots activate and he takes off, laughing evilly.]
Cortex: "Oh, I love to laugh."
Aku Aku: "Come on, Crash! We're gonna get Coco back."
Crash: (agreement)
Aku Aku: "Crash, we must stop him. We have to follow Cortex and find out where they've taken Coco."
Crash: (gibberish, points at Yuktopus)
Yuktopus: (moos)
Aku Aku: "Oh, him, yeah... Leave him here, I guess. He seems okay."
[Yuktopus moos and salutes them.]
===Cortex's replacement (C)===
[Cut to the evil base. While Cortex is playing the piano, Uka Uka floats over to him.]
Uka Uka: "That was ridiculous and apalling. You failed to destroy Crash Bandicoot!"
Cortex: "I don't see what the big deal is. We got away with the mojo and Crash's sister!"
[Cortex has stopped playing. Tiny Tiger stands by with his arms folded. N-Gin hands Cortex a cup of tea as he talks.]
Uka Uka: "I got away with the mojo, and the 'big deal' is that Crash Bandicoot is still alive! Cortex, I'm going to replace you."
[Cortex, drinking tea, spits it into N-Gin's face.]
N-Gin: (screams) "Thank you, master!" (giggles)
Cortex: "You can't replace me. My name's on the stationery!"
N-Gin: (giggling) "That's right, tough guy! Heh, unless you want to buy all new stationery, you respect the master!"
Tiny: "It's really nice stationery, too."
N-Gin: "Ooh, I know! Classy."
Uka Uka: "Cortex, you have never been more wrong."
Cortex: "Uhh, thank you... W-what?! What do you mean?"
[He tosses the teacup aside, which also lands on N-Gin's face.]
N-Gin: (screeches) "Thank you again!" (laughs) "Hotter than the first!" (giggles)
Uka Uka: "Allow me to announce your replacement: Nina Cortex!"
[Nina walks in with two Bratgirls at her side. Cortex spits more tea at N-Gin.]
N-Gin: "Oh, come on. He didn't even have a cup."
Nina: "Take out the trash, girls."
[The scene fades to black as the Bratgirls advance. When it fades back in, Cortex is restrained and hanging upside-down from the ceiling.]
Nina: "Sorry, Uncle, but it's time for some young blood to lead us to victory. And now that we have Coco, we can make her build the robot."
[Nina pulls Coco into view.]
Coco: "You won't get away with this! Crash will come for me and kick your butt!"
Nina: "Oh, I hope Crash tries, I really do. After all, I need a new fur coat." (laughs, snorts) "Get to work on the Doominator! Make more mutant soldiers! I want Wumpa Island smashed flat."
Coco: "Your... hair is dumb!"
Nina: "Oh, shut her up."
[A mind-control helmet drops onto Coco's head. The scene fades to black.]
==Episode 5: The Emerald Pity==
===Koo-ala conversation 1 (L)===
Koo-ala 1: "I done smell somethin'."
Koo-ala 2: "I don't smell nothin'. Keep your eyes open, your ears out, you idjit, we're here to catch wild mutants, unh."
Koo-ala 1: "Why we's catching wild mutants? We used to just eat 'em."
Koo-ala 2: "Oh, the boss got some new technomajigger to control 'em. Somethin' 'bout utilizing the inherent technomagical properties of mojo to override irrational creatures' Pavlovian client-wait response rather than relyin' on their traditional synaptic neurotransmitter uptake. Bunch of foolishness."
Koo-ala 1: "What?"
Koo-ala 2: "Hey, no shootin' the messenger."
Koo-ala 1: "I don't get to shoot nothin' no more."
Koo-ala 2: "Oh, cheer up, we'll shoot somethin' today! I'm feelin' lucky."
Koo-ala 1: "I wish I could quit you."
Koo-ala 2: "What'd you say?"
Koo-ala 1: "Nothin'." (sighs) "Nothin'..."
===Koo-ala conversation 2 (L)===
Koo-ala 1: "Why we gatherin' up all this vega-guh-tarian nonsense anyway? Boss girl has us workin' way too hard."
Koo-ala 2: "Oh, the boss girl has some plans, boy. Somthin' 'bout needin' piles of material for the huge robot she's buildin' here."
Koo-ala 1: "Not a robot, it's an auto-maton."
Koo-ala 2: "Whuh?"
Koo-ala 1: "You heard me! It's an auto-maton. I'm sick and tired of this conversation. If it's self-directed, it's an auto-maton."
Koo-ala 2: "Look, I'm sorry you lost the spellin' bee, but you done need to let it go."
Koo-ala 1: "Get back to work, Bubbles."
==Episode 7: The Blizzard of Claws==
===Facing Tiny (C)===
[Crash and Aku Aku arrive at the boss arena. Tiny Tiger lands in front of them, surprising Crash.]
Crash: "Gah!"
Tiny: (snarls)
Crash: (whimpers)
Tiny: "Crash, I really am cross with you. I'm just trying to do my job, and you go and cause all this chaos! I'm sorry, but... I'm gonna have to eat your face."
Crash: (gibberish pleading)
Tiny: "Yeah, really sorry about that. I wish some sort of reconciliation was possible here. And frankly, I'm still mad about the last game. You didn't even invite me! That really hurt."
[Tiny flicks Crash's nose and walks off-screen.]
===Tiny defeated (C)===
Tiny: "Stop! No more, please! You're just too stupendous and fantabulous! Honestly, you're just awesome."
Crash: "Mm-hmm."
Tiny: "I'll tell you where to go! Nina took Coco to the factory on the beach."
Crash: "Nina?" (gibberish)
Aku Aku: "Nina? You mean Doctor Cortex, don't you?"
Tiny: "No, Nina. Uka Uka and her got rid of Cortex. They were tired of Cortex failing all the time."
Aku Aku: "This isn't good, Crash. Nina's a lot smarter than Cortex ever could be. I'll take us there now. Get ready, Crash.
[Crash and Aku Aku teleport away in a puff of green smoke.]
==Episode 10: A Sludge Too Far==
===Coliseum battle intercoms, 1 & 2 (C)===
N-Gin (voiceover): "Hurry up and defeat Crash! He's getting that look in his eye again."
N-Gin (voiceover): "Ow! I broke my bum."
==Episode 13: Doomraker==
===Facing N-Gin (C)===
[Crash and Aku Aku arrive at the boss arena. N-Gin is standing on a ledge above them in front of a large pipe organ.]
N-Gin: "Crash, you fool. You're too late. It's time to drop the doom hammer on you. Eh, the doom hammer of doom, u-upon you. And—let's just dance, baby!"
===When a target is destroyed (C)===
*N-Gin: "Just leave those alone already. Seriously, please!"
*N-Gin: "So you think you have the marbles, do you? Eheh."
*N-Gin: "Don't laugh at me. You'll regret laughing at me!"
*N-Gin: "Stop resisting my good looks, and give up already!"
*N-Gin: "Cleanup in aisle three. Cleanup in aisle three... now!"
*N-Gin: "Cut that out, goat child!"
*N-Gin: "Oh, you're making me so mad now! I just want to pull on my face, I am so mad."
*N-Gin: "You're just making it worse for yourself."
*N-Gin: "I should stick a missile in your head for that!"
*N-Gin: "I need some sort of tasty treat. Bring me maple syrup!"
===N-Gin defeated (C)===
Aku Aku: "Well, what do we have here? You'll tell us where Coco is, won't you?"
N-Gin: "Of course not. Disgusting, filthy bandicoots! I hate them with cheese."
[N-Gin steps off to the side and begins talking to himself.]
N-Gin: "They made it here! Now they'll help us save Doctor Cortex."
N-Gin: "Don't be ridiculous, you stupid, horrible idiot! We're with Nina now. We're with the winner."
N-Gin: "But Doctor Cortex is our friend."
N-Gin: "You don't have any friends! He always kicked you in the tuchus, and other... very... gentle spots."
N-Gin: "But I liked it when he did that."
N-Gin: "It was kinda fun. Listen, we make a deal with this filthy rodent and pine-nuts-face, and they help us save the master. Then we shower them with doom? Eheh."
N-Gin: "Yes! Eheheh! We shower them good! Right in the eyes! Eheheh..."
[Crash grabs N-Gin's missile and yanks him back to reality.]
N-Gin: (screams)
Aku Aku: "Listen up, corndog. You help us, or Crash'll sing you some knuckle music."
N-Gin: "I'll be good! I promise, I'll be good—and once my precious master has been freed, I will gladly betray you. You don't even look like a bandicoot!"
Aku Aku: "What?"
N-Gin: "Shhh. It's okay. Anyway, get out of here."
N-Gin: "That's right, stupids. You need to go to Uka Uka's lab and stop him. That's where they make all the delicious mutants, eheh. Maybe your revolting sister is there, too. Eugh, girls."
Aku Aku: "Time to go, Crash."
===According to plan (C)===
[Nina and Uka Uka are together in their laboratory. Coco stands in the background, still restrained.]
Nina: "The mojo we've stolen is working perfectly. We're making more loyal mutant soldiers than we know what to do with."
Uka Uka: "Yes. For once, everything seems to be going according to plan."
Nina: "Yo, Uka. What's the matter with you?"
Uka Uka: "I sense something. A presence I've not felt since..."
Nina: "What? Spit it out, kindling-face."
Uka Uka: "A tremor in the mojo. The last time I felt it, it was in the presence of my older brother, Aku Aku."
Nina: "Oh, jeebus. Crash and Aku Aku are here? Oh, I'll take Blondie and make her finish work on the robot. You, stay behind and kill Crash."
Uka Uka: "Oh yes. I will kill Crash Bandicoot. Kill him... forever."
[The background music rises, but the camera remains on Uka Uka.]
Uka Uka: "Oh, I love this part."
Uka Uka: "Okay, it's done."
==Episode 15: Calamityville Horror==
===Voodoo Bunny conversation (L)===
Voodoo Bunny 1: "Catch Crash Bandicoot yet?"
Voodoo Bunny 2: "No. Boss Uka Uka starting to get stressed! He's lost to Crash so many times, he enter shame spiral."
Voodoo Bunny 1: "Oh, that's not good. Soon he develop eating disorder again."
Voodoo Bunny 2: "Oh, last time real bad. He ballooned up to six hundred pounds, and lose it most messily."
Voodoo Bunny 1: "Me think he do something crazy. He very self-conscious about being no-body bad guy. He had body briefly in Twinsanity, but was no fun for nobody."
Voodoo Bunny 2: "He has some surprise planned for Crash. Something in his lair. Uka Uka just assume we going to fail. What a jerk."
==Episode 17: Adolt Edumacation==
===Facing Uka Uka (C)===
[Crash and Aku Aku arrive at Uka Uka's lab. Four electric generators power the Evolvo-Ray in the center of the room.]
Uka Uka: "So you little insects actually made it. Well, I've prepared a little treat for you."
Crash: "Ehe?"
[Crash pants like a dog while eyeing one of Uka Uka's bones.]
Aku Aku: "No, probably not food, Crash..."
Crash: "Aw..."
Aku Aku: "...A bad treat."
Uka Uka: "Oh, it's a bad treat all right. Tell me, Crash, do you remember the Evolvo-Ray? Let's see what happens when I use the Evolvo-Ray on myself!"
[Uka Uka is zapped by the Evolvo-Ray and instantly forms a giant wooden body.]
Uka Uka: "Mwahahahaha!"
===Uka Uka fight quotes (L)===
*"This furry shorty be leaning on my last nerve! I mean... guards! Get in here!"
*"Let's see what you've got."
*"Get this bandicoot away from me! He's not scared and cowering like he's supposed to be."
*"I'd better get some competent help in here soon, or I'm going to have to start repeating myself."
*"You mutant reinforcements get in here right now, or I'll punch you all in the clavicle."
*"This isn't going too well! Let's get some more evil minions in here, stat!"
*"Let's get some mutants in here; it's looking a little hairy right now."
*"You idiots get in here before I tear you a new belly button!"
*"Make Crash stop breaking my lovely new body!"
*"You worthless bunnies better get in here, or it's nothing but liver and onions for a week!"
*"You're only winning because I'm not used to having legs. Long, supple legs."
*"I thought I could do this alone... I was wrong! Help!"
*"If anything in here is busted, you minions are paying for it."
*"Let's wrap this fight up already. I'm missing my stories."
*"I am so mad at you minions right now! Get in here!"
*"Defeat Crash and receive slightly less whipping."
*"Guards, get in here and destroy this meddlesome bandicoot!"
*"Minions! Bandicoots taste like chicken! Honestly! Chicken!"
====When jacked====
*"Why won't you just stand still?"
*"Crash, you little annoyance!"
*"Ow!"
*"Stop wrecking my evil plan."
*"Oh no, he's making me do heroic things!"
*"How do you keep doing that?"
*"Somebody smack this guy off of me."
*"He's in my mind! It's so icky."
*"Not my head, I need that."
*"Since when can Crash do that?"
*"Bandicoot on my face!"
*"Aw, gross, he's in my mind!"
*"Minions! Get this hairball off of me."
*"Someone get him off me!"
*"Oh, what the heck. Get off me!"
====When a generator is destroyed====
*"You're making me so mad."
*"Stop ruining my plans. I spent all day on those."
*"You're making me so mad!"
*"Hey, come on. You're wrecking it!"
*"No, come on, I need that one!"
*"This is so embarassing."
*"Would you stop doing that already!"
*"Look, it took ages to get that one right."
====When hit for damage====
*"You evolved scum, quit it!"
*"I just want to be evil. Is that so bad?"
*"I think I needed that."
*"This minion is getting so fired for this."
*"Ow! Look, stop that!"
*"That was a big one."
*"Oh, that one hurt a little bit."
*"Crash, that's wicked. Be nice."
*"That's really starting to hurt."
*"Walk it off, Uka, walk it off."
*"Quit helping Crash. It's important you stop."
*"You wretched little rodent!"
*"I'm gonna get timber all over you."
*"That's really starting to hurt."
*"Ow! My... face, you... guy!"
*"I'm really angry right now."
====When hit for no damage====
*"Hm hm. Oh, that... that kinda tickles."
*"Poor little Crash can't hurt me."
*"Are you trying to make me madder?"
*"Nope, doesn't hurt. Sorry."
*"Not that part, I love that part."
*"I do like having a body, this is cool."
*"You pathetic fool, that's nothing."
*"Haha. Is that supposed to hurt?"
*"Fear my mighty bipedal locomotion."
*"That wee attack is nothing."
*"Stop trying to hit me, and hit me!"
*"Oh, no, please, stop."
*"Gonna have to try harder than that."
*"Put your hips into it!"
====When hitting Crash====
*"Stop hitting yourself, stop hitting yourself!"
*"Fatality!"
*"You're a bum."
*"Did that hurt? Good."
*"I should've hit you ages ago."
*"Finally, I'll get you, Crash!"
*"Get your hands up, Crash!"
*"Poor little Crash."
*"I just love being a bully."
*"Pow! Yeah, that was a good one."
*"Let's see what you've got."
*"Oh, that musta hurt."
*"Ha ha! Oh, super, that was great."
*"I've got you now."
====When killing Crash====
*"It's all over now, Crash."
*"Having a body is fabulous."
*"There's a good one."
===Uka Uka defeated (C)===
[Uka Uka's body collapses.]
Uka Uka: "You think you've defeated me? I'll get the last laugh on you fools. Any moment now, Nina will launch the robot, and Wumpa Island will be doomed."
Aku Aku: "You monster!"
Uka Uka: "And Nina will have no more use for your lovely sister, so she's finished too. I get the last laugh! Ahahahahahahaha! I'm laughing now too just in case."
Aku Aku: "Quickly now, Crash. From here, we must travel to the robot. I can sense Coco, so I'll get us as close as possible. Get ready!"
===Nina takes control (C)===
[The Doominator robot is being held in midair by a giant aircraft. Inside its head, a mind-controlled Coco punches some buttons.]
Cortex: "You terrible, ungrateful child! You'll never get away with this."
Nina: "Oh really? And why is that?"
[Cortex is hanging upside down from the ceiling, restrained by a metal cuff. Nina swings him from side to side.]
Cortex: "I'll tell you why, this... is my fortress and that... is my robot out there, and..."
[She catches him.]
Cortex: "I threw up in my mouth."
Nina: "Sorry, Uncle. But with Coco forced to help build the robot, Crash and Aku Aku can't possibly stop me in time. My Doominator is almost ready, and when it destroys Wumpa Island, I won't even let you watch."
Cortex: "Aw, but I love watching things get destroyed! Oh, you're awful."
Nina: "Thanks!" (laughs, snorts)
==Episode 18: War of the Whirls==
===Episode start (C)===
Aku Aku: "This is as far as I can take us. We'll have to fight our way to the robot's interior and save your sister."
Crash: (affirmative gibberish)
===Bratgirl conversation 1 (L)===
Bratgirl 1: "[unintelligible] Crash Bandicoot was sighted nearby."
Bratgirl 2: "Good! I've been on guard duty forever, and it's so boring!"
Bratgirl 1: "I know! I wanna go out and do something, but it's all 'guard the lab', 'guard the robot', 'wash your hands after going number two'. So unfair!"
Bratgirl 2: "I know, right? Even them stupid monkeys get to blow stuff up. I wanna catch a bandicoot soon we can shave him!"
Bratgirl 1: "Ha ha. That would be awesome! Then he'd look like a hairless rat and know true humiliation! And be cold."
Bratgirl 2: "Yeah, 'cause it's chilly. Okay, now I'm excited about this, right? Stay sharp, we've got some shaving to do."
==Episode 19: Minority Rapport==
===Bratgirl conversation 2 (L)===
Bratgirl 1: "Did you see the new mutant bat?"
Bratgirl 2: "Yeah, he's so cool. He's all fang and claw and nasty bad awesome."
Bratgirl 1: "I know. He'll tear Crash in half. I'm so excited. I should film it."
Bratgirl 2: "Oh yes, that would be the best video. We could put it on MySpace!"
Bratgirl 1: "All the other Bratgirls would be so jealous if we had that. We could extort favors and treats in exchange for the pleasure of watching Crash be torn in half by the mutant bat."
Bratgirl 2: (sighs) "I love my job."
===Doominator finished (C)===
[The camera pans over the finished Doominator. Inside, Nina works the control panel, then turns to speak to Coco. Cortex is also there.]
Nina: "Your brother's close, but he's oh-so far, blondie. The Doominator is finished."
Coco: "What are you telling me for? You made me finish it."
Nina: "Now we've got an appointment to smash Wumpa Island flat!"
Coco: "Not Wumpa Island! Our house is there, and all our stuff! Oh, and... maybe Crunch."
Nina: "Yeah. And I... can't... wait. Dingus, doofus, time to start the fun."
==Episode 20: Revengeance 2: The Revengicide==
===Facing Nina (C)===
[Crash and Aku Aku arrive in the head of the Doominator. Nina, Cortex, and Coco are gathered on a platform suspended in the air with chains.]
Nina: "Crash? Get out of my robot! This is my body and my right to choose."
Cortex: "Oh, you're going to get some punchy-punch now. Crash! Come over here and take out this terrible excuse for a niece."
Coco: "That's right, Crash! Whip her butt and then we'll get pancakes with cherry topping!"
Crash: "Yahoo!"
[Nina pushes a button on the control panel, releasing Cortex, who yells as he falls down.]
Nina: "You keep this robot on course for Wumpa Island."
Cortex: "Yes, Nina..."
[Nina points at Coco.]
Nina: "You just shut up 'cause you're... annoying. And stop talking about pancakes!"
[Coco blows a raspberry at her. As Nina speaks to Crash, a mechanical claw lifts her up and places her in the seat of the Arachnina.]
Nina: "And as for you... I really didn't want to do this myself. I really wanted one of my idiot underlings to destroy you. I really didn't want to get hair all over my clothes! But if you want something done right... use a giant spiderbot!"
[The Arachnina roars and snaps its claw-hand.]
===Nina fight quotes (L)===
*"The minion that defeats Crash gets a twenty dollar gift certificate for ice cream! I'm talkin' moose tracks."
*"Get more huge nasty things in here, pronto. What am I not paying you guys for?"
*"Oh, you think you're doing so well, don't you, Crash? Well try these on for size."
*"Would you lousy minions take care of this guy?"
*"Once more into the breach, disgusting vermin slaves!"
*"I just can't lose to Crash, I just can't."
*"Finish this, or I'm gonna miss Idol."
*"I need some help in here. For here and now, we must stop Crash."
*"Someone destroy this furry cosplayer, please."
*"I admit it, I am in over my head right now. Let's get some more mutants in here, stat!"
*"Minions assemble! Form of... a killing machine!"
*"Could I get some minions in here, please?!"
*"Save the robot, or all my evil treachery was in vain."
*"Oh, you're just racing to your grave, Crash."
*"You idiots get in here and get rid of this fuzz sack already."
====When hit for damage or a gear is destroyed====
*"Quit trying to stop Armageddon. I need it."
*"Nice. Those scratches will just make me look cooler."
*"No fair! I'm supposed to win. I even cheat!"
*"You'll taste my teenage angst... eventually."
*"Note to self: block."
*"You can't hurt me, Crash. I'm too powerful. Ow!"
*"This is everyone's fault but mine."
*"Oh, so you wanna get rough, do ya?"
*"Oh, scar, scar! That's gonna leave a scar...!"
*"Hm. I see you learned to cheat, Crash. Good for you."
*"I am so gonna get late 11th century on you for this."
*"You stinking traitor."
*"Stop helping him."
*"Ooh, that smarts."
*"Crash, he was my favorite."
*"Ow! Quit it! You're gonna break something."
*"Hey, what'd I ever do to you?"
*"Now you're cookin', Crash, booyah!"
*"My concentration is not concentrating."
*"Oh God, you're lame. You're the Tiny Tim of video games."
*"Oh, he's swinging for the fences now."
*"Oh, that'll polish right out."
*"Ow, I'm telling! Not sure who..."
*"Whoah. Somebody upgraded."
*"Hey, he made my backbone slide."
*"I should totally bust a move on you."
*"Hurts so good. More!"
*"Oh, that one stung."
*"Knock Crash off you before I knock you down."
*"Hey, what'd I ever do to you? And you're fat!"
*"You're just getting me angry, Crash."
*"Oh, I'll just go ahead and fix that with duct tape."
*"Whoah."
*"Hit it, Crash. Let's rock, baby."
*"Hands off the boss, jerkbag."
====When hit for no damage====
*"You're not very good at this, are you?"
*"Yeah, nice shot there, weirdo. I'm very threatened."
*"Aw. You're trying to beat me! That's so cute."
*"Even Coco's snappy dialogue hurts more than that."
*"You are boring me, Crash."
*"Come on, put some muscle into it!"
*"Oh, ow, that hurts. Please, stop."
*"Oh, come on. What the heck is that?"
*"Cut it out, you'll chip the paint."
*"Oh, quit tickling me already."
*"You dare raise a hand to me? You insect."
*"Oh, good luck there, Crash. You'll beat me in a year or so."
*"Tempt fate, will you?"
*"Hm, I swear I feel an insect... oh! It's you, Crash."
*"Wow, now you're just being silly."
*"Oh, you're lame like polio."
====When jacked====
*"Oh, wow. Did you ever just tick me off?!"
*"You dare to cross my path?"
*"Ugh, somebody get him off me! I don't have all day."
*"You have really crossed the line."
*"Oh, get him off me, get him off me!"
*"What? How'd he get there?"
*"Ugh, he's in my hair! Icky."
*"How does he keep doing that?"
*"I am so gonna cut you for this."
*"God, you are such a stalker. Leave me alone!"
*"Well, it seems you still have a will to crush."
*"Oh God, now there's fur everywhere."
*"Neat! That's a sweet move."
*"Get the bug spray and get him off!"
====Damaging Crash====
*"Sorry, it's my nature."
*"Bow before my dark robotic powers."
*"No pain, no gain, Crashy-poo."
*"Taste my fist, mutant weakling."
*"Where my uncle failed, I shall succeed! ...Real soon."
*"You are unworthy of my punches."
*"The violence is delicious."
*"At long last, the villains will triumph!"
*"Consider yourself lucky. I don't kill everyone I fight."
*"Who says it's not fun being antisocial?"
*"Smashy smashy."
*"All in a day's work."
*"Cower before my mighty mightiness... of might!"
*"I don't usually eat meat, but for you, I'll make an exception."
*"Revenge is a dish best served with gummy worms!"
*"Immoral and satisfying."
*"Oh, I have wanted to do that for so long."
===Nina Defeated (C)===
[Crash and Aku Aku hop out of the Arachnina just before it breaks down, blowing Nina out.]
Nina: (screams)
[Crash pushes a button on the control panel, setting Coco free. She hops down off the platform to hug him.]
Coco: "You did it, Crash! Thanks, big brother."
Cortex: "Oh, gross. Get a room."
Crash: (gibberish)
Coco: "But now we have to stop the Doominator before it destroys Wumpa Island!"
Cortex: "You simpletons. The Doominator cannot be disabled so easily."
Coco: "Well, I could do it in seconds if I had my transpalooper. ...The purple thingy?"
[Crash reaches into his pocket and produces the transpalooper.]
Coco: "That's it! That's fantastic, Crash!"
Cortex: "How long have you had that in your pants?"
[Coco sticks the transpalooper into a slot in the control panel. The scene cuts to black, then fades back in on the Bandicoot house on Wumpa Island. Crunch is still trapped in ice in the front yard.]
Crunch: (grunts)
[The Doominator begins to topple over.]
Crunch: "Oh no!"
[It crashes to the ground, narrowly missing their house. A UFO carrying Cortex and Nina flies away from the wreckage.]
Nina: "Why did you rescue me? I betrayed you, took over your evil plan... and then failed."
Cortex: "Oh, Nina. Betraying me is the most vile, evil thing you could've ever done. You're a skank! I'm... just so proud of you right now."
Nina: "Hooray!"
Cortex: "I promise, from now on, I'll be more evil, more villainous, more horrible! Horrible! Oh, and go kill bandicoots too. I'm still going to spank you stupid for this."
Nina: "Aw..."
[Back home, Crunch breaks free of the ice.]
Crunch: (grunts) "Finally."
[Coco and Crash emerge from the Doominator.]
Coco: "Let's check the damage. Maybe we can go looting!"
Crunch: "Hi, everybody. What the fudge happened out here? Gimme a hug."
[They hug. Crash sniffs him.]
Coco: "Ew, you smell like bacon."
[They break away.]
Coco: "Our house is okay!"
Crash: "Yahoo!"
Coco: "Ugh, that's a relief. All our stuff was in there. Oh, Wumpa Island... but our stuff's okay! Now let's go home, and eat pancakes!"
Crash: "Pancakes!"
==Extras (L)==
===Ratnician fight quotes===
====When first noticing Crash====
*"Oh, hooray, a bandicoot."
*"An enemy! A silly enemy."
*"Gahaha!"
*"Waaah!" (snorts)
*"More, more, more! (gibberish)"
*"There he is!"
*"Get the whatever-icoot thing."
*"Sally forth!"
*"Oh boy!"
*"So exciting, and fun, and the silly, and the furry, and the vroom!"
*(war cry)
*(laughs)
*"He's come for our tubers!"
*"Stop the nosey!"
*"Hey, plunder him!"
*"Bandicoots are great with sauce. Sauce!"
*"Get Crash with the thing!"
*"I say, a bandi-rodent!"
*"Hench-rodents, attack!"
*"Oh, he looks juicy and delicious."
====When hit====
*"Bad rodent. Could you stop it?"
*"Heroes... bad heroes!"
*"Hey, could you stop it?"
*"Oh, please stop that."
*"Die!"
*"No good, I tell you!"
*"Ay!"
*"Pain-thing!"
*"Double-plus ungood."
*"Doh!"
*"Send help... and cheese."
*"Fighting bad!"
*"Please stop that."
*"Not my dad's pair of jeans!"
*"Ugh... need... help..."
*"Oh, it's not... good."
*"Stop it!"
*"Stars... seeing them... whoah."
*"Oy vey."
*"Oh, in the face-hurt."
*"Why me?"
*"Ey, my-my-my long things."
*"Crash fast."
*"Hurting, hurting."
*"Please, no!"
*"Hey, this is not good!"
*Stuck and moved!"
*"Ow-thing."
*"No, not my good looks."
*"Hurting!"
*"Gah!"
*"Ooh!"
*"Heroes bad."
*"Right there, that one."
*Too much punchy-nose!"
*"G-gh!"
*"Mayday, Juneday, April 11th!"
*"I can't feel my face!"
*"Whoah!"
*"Oh, the professor is nutty; I am very big in France."
*"He's too fast."
*"Send help!"
*(screams)
*"Ye-how."
*"Oh noes!"
*"Ah!"
*"Not my dapper appearance!"
*"Need help."
*"Oh, bandicoots bad."
*"My limbs!"
*"Ow."
*"Lousy bandicoot."
*"Face hurt broke..."
*"Oh, my limbulis, whooey."
*"Ooh! Stung like a bee."
*"Oink!"
*"Oh, I can't feel my face."
*"Stop it with the kicking."
*"My extremities!"
*"Oh boy, no."
*"Oy, with the pain..."
*"Ow, right in the face."
*"Oy!"
*"Growing dark..."
*"My body's broke."
*"Oy, he's fast."
*"Nose broke!"
====When hitting Crash====
*"Inertial attack!"
*"Hoo-ah!"
*"Ooh, you're finished now."
*"Knocked that grin right off his chestpiece."
*"Sha-pow!"
*"Smack it, honey!"
====When killed====
*"Study for Cortex."
*"Bad Crash-rodent!"
*"Oh, boo-hoo!"
*"That was rude."
*"Oh, flaming gosh."
*"Drat and blast!"
*"Send help."
*"I am down like a clown."
*"Life in peril."
*"Abort!"
*"Destruction imminent."
*The pain and discomfort."
*"I am de-manified."
*"Bail out."
*"'Scuse me, Will Robinson, danger!"
*"Danger, Will Robinson."
*"Huaaah! Avenge me."
*"Goin' down...!"
*"Pain and discomfort, please hold."
*"No!"
*(wails)
*(screams)
*"Haxors!"
*"Haxors, noobs!"
*"I stuck when I should've moved."
*"'S lovely..."
*"Destruction imminent... that means soon."
*"Medic!"
*"Unjust, I say!"
*"I never read... a book."
*"This rodent is down."
*"Set and match."
*"The pain and discomfort, the itching, ow."
*"Oh, that's bad."
*"Check please!"
*"Rather bad."
*"Oh boy, we're losers."
====When unable to reach Crash====
*"He's an unholy blend of flubber and chitty-chitty-bang-bang."
*"Yeah, there's a new invention, they call it a stepladder. Go get one, stupid."
*"Seriously, I have appointments to keep. I have a mani-pedi at three, so return!"
*"Honestly, I have appointments to keep. Return!"
*"Honestly, I'm asking you a question! Where's he going?"
*"Shouldn't that hurt his knees? I mean seriously, it's a good way to tear your ACL."
*"Begin the search for Crash, for—for we have lost him."
*"Crash, he's like flubber, the mystery stuff and the goo."
*"Crash, you irritant, you feel like a wool sock!"
*"You are making me look bad up there!"
*"Now how'd he get over there, and I am... here..."
*"Oh, Doctor Cortex is gonna lose it if he gets away!"
*"If he gets away, we are gonna feel very silly... not in the good way."
*"Hey, we have fisticuffs to complete, Crash."
*"Hey, he's bouncy and fun-derful."
*"Oh, the physics of him being there are just tremendous."
*"I shall file a complaint if you do not re-engage!"
*"You'd think he's an Italian plumber or somethin'."
*"You'd think he was a moving fast hedgehog or somethin'..."
*"Shouldn't that hurt his knees? Seriously!"
*"He's making us appear foolish."
*"Why me?"
*"Return posthaste for the fight to continue!"
*"Search the nether regions for bandicoots."
*"We have fisticuffs to complete, Crash."
*"Okay, on a physics level, him being there is tremendous!"
*"I have got to get some of those shoes."
*"I feel very unathletic watching him do that."
*"His velocity is truly amazing."
*"You're making me look bad up there."
*"Dah, where's he off to now?"
*"Why is he leaving, doesn't he like us?"
*"But the fight is down here, please."
*"I can't saunter to that locale."
*"Crash is moving away with apparent haste."
*"Crash is too fast, I swear."
*"Crash is moving away with haste."
*"Someone call... the authorities, 'cause he's leaving, and going."
*"The enemy is disengage-ifying."
*"Crash, come back; we'll just hurt, it won't get weird."
*"Oh, drat and blast you for leaving."
*"I seek the conclusion to our battle?"
===Koo-ala fight quotes===
====When first noticing Crash====
*"Goody two-shoes, it's a fight!"
*"Win this fast. Masterpiece Theatre's on!"
*"Golly, a bandicoot!"
*"Dang it, there's Crash!"
*"Huh!"
*"Somebody's in trouble now."
*"Hoo-eee, it's time for a beatin'."
*"Hoo-hoo, time for a beatin'."
*"Whoo-ha!"
*"Oh, this is gonna be fun, y'all."
*"I gots me a good time over here."
*"I've gots me a good old time now."
*"It's a fight now, goody two-shoes!"
*"Let's teach Crash how to rumble!"
*"All right, Crash, we're gonna teach you how to rumble!"
*"Ooh, I see Crash over there."
*"Woo-hoo, supper's on!"
*"Oh, I see Crash over there!"
*"Koo-alas!"
*"Purty-lips spotted, right over here."
*"Get him, boys! Y'all boys, right?"
*"Oh, he's got child-bearin' hips."
*"It's bandicoot season now."
*"Ooh, dinner's gonna be fun!"
*"Oh, that's good eatin', boys."
*"Well sha-zam. A little fuzzy."
*"He done did been standin' here."
*"Ohohoho, that is some fuzzy delight."
*"Yee-ha!"
*"Oh, it's going to be a bandicoot burn-out."
*"Mm-mm, he'd be real good with garlic."
====When hit====
*"I shoulda ducked."
*"Stop it."
*"Doh!"
*"That smarts like algebra."
*"Hey, stop it!"
*"Dang it."
*"That was injurious."
====When Crash is hit====
*"Hurts good, don't it?"
*(screams)
*"Hot dog!"
*"Keep up the scare!"
*"How'd I do that?"
*"Slap! Upside your head!"
*"Hyah! Hyah!"
*"That had to hurt."
*"I gots bingo."
*"Silly bandicoot."
*"Spankin' ya."
*"Hoo-hoo-hoo, that's a good 'un."
*"Better than daytime television!"
*"Bingo was his name-o!"
====When killed====
*"Oh, that's a clobberin'."
*(groans)
*"Dur-hur-hur-hur-hur-hur-hur..."
*"Dang me."
*"Hoo-eee!"
*"Save me!"
*"Ow, bleh..."
*"Goin' limp."
*"Uh-oh."
*"I'll be back!"
*"Broken."
*"Not fair, I tells ya."
*"Hey!"
*"Er... varmint."
*"Oh, tarnation."
*"That's a problem."
*"Well that's just great."
*(cries)
*"Cheap shot."
*"Tell my mama I said 'hi'."
====When unable to reach Crash====
*"Gaaah, he's gettin' away."
*"Somebody catch that walkin' turret!"
*"I'm gonna need a stepladder or somethin'!"
*"Dang it, get back here!"
*"He jumps like a critter, I swear."
*"Ah, tarnation. Get back here, boy!"
*"Now how'd he get over there?"
*"No fair. I can't find my way over there."
*"Ahh, heckle off."
*"Ah, nuts. I really wanted that guy.
*"Aaargh, now that's just unreasonable."
*"Aw, heck, I lost him!"
*"He's silly-ifyin'!"
*"Get back here, idjit!"
*"Oh, he's all the way over there."
*"Get me a long stick or somethin'."
===N-Gin's intercom quotes===
*"Oh, you're going to love this part. Yes, love it!"
*"Attention, filthy monkeys! I have lost my toast recipe. Repeat: my family recipe for toast has been lost. The butter supply arrives shortly, but I'll have nothing to put it on! Somebody help me! I wrote the recipe down on a little Post-it Note, but can't find it. Also, Crash Bandicoot has been sighted, yadda yadda yadda, peace out homies."
*"Spew forth more bad guys. Do it!"
*"I'll ruin you like I ruined my prom!"
*"Attention revolting, yet beloved, Doom Monkey servants. Tomorrow is Make Your Child Work in the Core Day. Be sure to bring your many, rat-like offspring, so we can make them do work considered unsafe for robots. Also, please note that Friday is Hawaiian Shirt Day, so try to find a sufficiently tacky shirt. That is all."
*"You have no one to blame but your stupid face!"
*"Maybe these little cupcakes will be your undoing. Mmm, cupcakes. You are like little cups... of cake. I just told you what you already know."
*"Haha! Aha! Who's the toadying sidekick now?"
*"Attention, my simpering simian gibbons of doom. That means you, you idiot Doom Monkeys! Look to the monkey to your left, then to your right. If one of them is Crash Bandicoot, inflict unspeakable horror and pain upon him, with pointed sticks, and wrenches, and terrible devices no man nor monkey was meant to wield! Eheh! Please note, company pensions have been cancelled in favor of Bagel Wednesdays. That is all."
*"Shower him with fisticuffs! Or is it cufftifists? Gah, just hit him."
*"More polka themes or cantastic doom. Cabbage rolls and coffee!"
*"Enjoy... your screaming doom!"
*"More minions! I covet it! Victory!"
*"Try this on for size, Mister... Hairy Butt. Gross! I'm gonna be sick."
*"Come on, everybody, sing along. You all know the tune. Doomy-doomy-doom-doom, shooby-dooby-doomy-doom-doom. Eheheh."
*"Oh, I'm the worst thing to happen to music since Andrew Lloyd Weber!"
*"Stop him, minions. He's after my radioactive rubber pants!"
*"I wish my brother George was here. Oh, but he was always so superficial."
*"I should do a bit on phonetic punctuation while I am up here."
*"Oh, I love this part! I could be on Cyborg Idol if that show existed. Why don't they make that show?!"
*"Running a little low on minions. I gotta wonder why I don't send them all in at once."
*"Let's go, underlings, let's go! Let's go—let's see some team spirit out there!"
*"N-dash-G-I-N, what does that spell? I... don't know. Go get him, you revolting mutant slaves!"
*"Come on, mutant scum! 'Pwn' his puny behind, or whatever the kids are saying these days. Lousy preppies! With your music! And wavy hair!"
*"Someone take out the trash, and by trash, I mean Crash! Hey, that rhymed. I should start a record label. Then I could get some chicks! Tired of monkeys!"
*"Attention, disgusting Doom Monkeys. Crash Bandicoot is loose in the facility. Please take a moment to look around your workspace. If you find a bandicoot, please, drop! Huge! Bombs on him! Cause explosions and sharp things to fly into their bodies!" (laughs) "Reminder, tomorrow is Muffin Day in the cafeteria. Mmmm-muffins! That is all."
===Doom Monkey fight quotes===
====When first noticing Crash====
*"We must fight!"
*"Catch him now!"
*"Catch him for N-Gin!"
*"Eee ee! Ooo!"
*"Get him!"
*"What'd I do? What'd I do?"
*(screams)
*"That's unsafe."
*"Tell the boss: 'eat Crash'!"
*"Monkeys to here!"
*"I found him!"
*"He's here! Get monkeys!"
*"Crash Crash Crash Crash Crash!"
*"Finish him!"
*"He Crash, he Crash!"
*"Get Crash, make glue!"
*"Fight and win! ...Maybe."
*"Silly Crash-y face."
*"Banana giblets!"
*"Tickle his kidneys!"
*"Monkey fight!"
*"All right, a punch party!"
*"Get the bandicoot!"
*"Leeroy!"
*"Get his bananas!"
*"Raaah!"
*"Doom Monkey!"
*(giggles) "Bite and scratch him!"
*"Win fight, I know!"
*"Consume bandicoot!"
*"[unintelligible] Drop your weapon!"
*"I rumble in the jungle!"
*"Crash is here, Crash is here!"
*"[unintelligible] monkey, let's have at him!"
*"Oh!"
*"Test him now!"
*"Eyyyaaa!"
*"I'm all out of gum."
*"For bubbles."
*"Cobra, lalalala!"
*"Nasty hero bad-face!"
====When Crash is hit====
*"Doom for you!"
*"Monkey power!"
*"Boom!"
*"Oh, you love it."
*"Mortal combat."
*"Hit the one in the middle."
*"Chicken."
*"Biscuit!"
*"Smashy smashy."
*"Gimme banana!"
*"Like it!"
*"Kimchi!"
*(laughs)
*"Keep it up!"
*"For doom! For doom!"
*"Neener-neener-neener!"
*"Say my name, monkey!"
*"Monkey-dog-dog-monkey pile."
*"Die now!"
*"Taste it!"
*"Doom for you, doom from monkey!"
*"Hi-ya!"
*"Hey, this is easy."
*"Ooh, tasty."
*"Hit him there!"
*"Spork!"
*"Ahaha! Loser-face, loser-face!"
*"Hoo-ha! Punchy fun."
*"Oh, I love that."
*"Eheehee! Pull my finger."
*"Mmm, smell what I've been cooking."
*"Spank you again!"
*"Holy-moly!"
*"Monkey-fu!"
*"You make us mad."
*"What's wrong?"
====When hit====
*"Help me!"
*"Get back!"
*"Ow!"
*"Bad furry."
*"I know you are, but what am I? Heh-heh."
*"He good."
*"It hurts, it hurts!"
====When killed====
*(screams)
*"D'oh!"
*"Owie!"
*"Exploding!"
*"I regret nothing!"
*"Zounds!"
*"Monkey!"
*"So cold!"
*"Will I dream?"
*"Tell my mother 'hello'!"
*"Sorry, N-Gin!"
*"Why you do that?"
*"Aah!"
*"Freedom..."
*"Need a bandage!"
*"This is the end."
*"I never learned to read."
*"I never learned to scuba."
*"Broken!"
*"Avenge me!"
*"Bandicoots..."
*"Great Caesar's gumbo!"
*"Uh, so angry now!"
*"Monkey over."
*"Ahuhu, it hurts, it hurts!"
*"Ooh!"
*"Punch buggy green."
====When unable to reach Crash====
*"Oh, he's getting away!"
*"Ow, dingleberries."
*"Crash annoy monkey!"
*"Monkey so gonna lose it!"
*"Would you stop that?"
*"Great brownies of madness."
*"Get down here!"
*"Oh, get down here!"
*"Bandicoots can't do that."
*"I can't do that."
*"You make boss mad!"
*"Getting mad now."
*"You come here right now!"
*"That's unsafe."
*"Monkey frustrated now."
*"Zut alors."
*"How'd he get over there?"
*"No, he's getting away!"
*"Come back and be doomed!"
*"Get back."
*"You coward."
*"Must contact with fuzzy!"
*"Oh, cheese and crackers!"
*"Come back."
*"Wait! Where'd he go?"
*"Bully."
*"Come back. I always loved you!"
*"Monkey look bad now."
===Voodoo Bunny fight quotes===
====When first noticing Crash====
*"Kill the witness!"
*"Voodoo hurt you!"
*"Get his carrots, he has carrots!"
*"Goody! It Crash!"
*"Aaaaah!"
*"Got you now!"
*"Delicious bandicoot! Make soup!"
*"He's here! Crash here!"
*"Now we make bandicoot stew. Fetch eleven herbs and spices."
*"Stick him, poke him!"
*"Bandicoot!"
*"He smell good!"
*"We have you now!"
*"Akulakata!"
*"Bunnies, attack!"
====When hit====
*"Stop him!"
====When Crash is hit====
*"Surrender now!"
*"You de sucka."
*"Get him!"
====When killed====
*"Evil bunny sad now."
*"Oh no!"
*"No!"
*(laughs) "Oh..."
*"Problem!"
*"Voodoo return!"
*"Double bad."
*"Failed boss."
*"No good."
*"Much pain."
*(groans)
*"More bunnies come soon."
*"Disappointed!"
*"I'll be back."
*"Tell my mom... she's fat."
*(sobs)
*"Lousy heroes."
*"Ooga... booga... ooga... booga..."
*"Uka Uka!"
*"Why the evil bunny?"
*"Me over!"
*"Not cool."
*"Oh, forget it. Let's just take a break."
*"Hm, that didn't hurt."
*"Bunny need hug."
====When unable to reach Crash====
*"They're getting away!"
*"You no like me when angry."
*"You make bunny look bad."
*"I lost him. Need hug."
*(screams)
*"Much pain!"
*"Where he go? He just here!"
*"Bunny lose patience now."
*"Lousy carrot brain!"
*"Why hurt evil bunny?"
*"Sound the war drums. More bunnies!"
*"Fight go away. Me want fight."
*"Silly Crash runs from bunny."
*"Low blow."
*"Crash make bunny feel... silly."
*(warbles) "You just get back here, mister!"
*"Freedom!"
*"Shame."
*"The fight is here, dummy."
===Bratgirl fight quotes===
====When first noticing Crash====
*"Red rover, red rover. Kill Crash!"
*"Nasty hero here!"
*"Bad rodent, bad!"
*"You wimpy gopher!"
*"Surrender, Crash!"
*"A furry spy!"
*"Get Nina, kill Crash!"
*"Get the intruder!"
*"All for Nina!"
*"Punish Crash!"
*"I have him now, mm-hmm."
*"Foolish rodent."
*"Stop the mutant!"
*"I see the hero."
*"Like with a credit card, charge!"
====When hit====
*"Stop him!"
*"Oof!"
*"Ooh!"
*(screams)
*"Get Crash!"
*(sobs)
*"Pain."
*"Ouch!"
*"Pow, right in the kisser."
====When Crash is hit====
*(laughs)
*"Rip it good!"
*"Uh!"
*"Brat attack!"
*"Oh, my teeth!"
*"Pain."
*"Rat-face long-legs."
*"Kyuaa!"
*"You can't win!"
====When killed====
*"My pride!"
*"Revengicide me!"
*"Bratgirl down."
*"Why? Oh, right."
*"Oh, I'm so mad right now!"
*"No!"
*"Hairball."
*"Rebooting, right?"
*"I failed."
*"The delicious burning."
*"Oof!"
*"System failure."
*"Oh. That's nice."
*"Oh, that hurts!"
*"Evil failed me."
*"Oh no."
*"Oh, that's just typical."
*"That's no good."
*"Bleh."
*"Game over."
*"I'll be back."
*"My teeth!"
*"Need more Bratgirls."
*"Quit it!"
*"Finish him."
====When unable to reach Crash====
*"Someone bring him to me!"
*"You dare run from me...!"
*"How dare you think."
*"I'm just furious now!"
*"Where's he go now?"
*"Aw, no fair!"
*"You're just making it worse!"
*"I have more hurt for Crash."
*"Come back here, little baby!"
*"Lousy heroic coward."
*"We're not good yet!"
*"You just back it up, mister!"
*"Get back here right now!"
*"This isn't over!"
*"We're not done yet."
*"Get back here, right now."
*"No fair!" (sobs)
*"Get Crash."
*"Aw, I can't get to Crash."
==Credits==
Nina: "Kirsten deigns to give sickening amounts of thanks and love to her husband, Gord. Ugh, gross. I have more hope for her children, Frasier and Stella, evil geniuses both. Give me a call, you two. We'll ally and then rule the world."
N-Gin: "To the prettiest girl in all the stars, Tahira Sayed!"
Cortex: "Ryan would like to thank his wife Amy for feeding and clothing him. I'm not exactly sure how he got along before he met you, but it couldn't've been pretty! Ugh. Ryan also wants to thank his parents for never doubting that playing video games would lead to a profitable career. Well, close, anyway."
Aku Aku: "Joe thanks Michelle for her loving support, Nova for being such a cute daughter, and Dylan, who will only be a teenager for three more years."
Aku Aku: "Roman would like to thank his better half, Mary Huber. I don't know you wound up with this guy, but obviously you could've done better. He's not even a real doctor! Give me a call... please."
N-Gin: "Katrina's thanking her husband—get this—Ghislane [unknown spelling]. Such a name! It's like he's in the French resistance or something. Gave me goosebumps just to say it. Oh, to be a simple peasant girl, and get swept off my feet by Ghislane! I mean... Katrina says thank you."
N-Gin: "Sarah wants to thank her husband, Jeb, for his wonderful weirdness and wistful wonderings. Who wrote that? Someone trying to get a job at the chocolate factory, or something!"
N-Gin: "Thank you James Shay, Agnes Shay, Jean Shay, and Sandy Shay. And also, some guy called Dan... 'Shicks'... 'Shikes'... how do you pronounce that?! Honestly, get a normal name like 'Shay' already!"
N-Gin: "Oh, hello to Trish, and to Mom, and to David and Sheryl. Oh, you seem so nice and delightful. Let's all get together for a picnic, or some bludgeoning, or something."
N-Gin: "Okay, let me see. Brian's got a pretty long message here. Eh-hem! 'I want to thank Mom, Harry, Doug, and Andrea. Also, "hello"s to Harrison, Jimmy, Steven, Melanie, Trevor, Zoe, the Nudge, T-Side, Hamilton, the FAFF Team, Mark, and [unknown spelling]!'" (laughs) "That took forever! I need a muffin! Oh, he also writes, 'save the Bluths'. What are the Bluths? Gypsy code or something?"
N-Gin: "Dusit wants to thank Kiefer Sutherland for saving the world, each and every hour, of each and every day. Doesn't that guy ever go to the bathroom?"
Cortex: "Jacob wants to thank Terri for everything she's done. I'm not sure what exactly that is, but I'll bet it's sickening."
Aku Aku: "Malcolm, the uncle with nine dangerous levels of skill, wants to thank his neice and nephew, Christopher and Phoebe Stead."
N-Gin: "Mike 'Not The Rocket' Richard wants me to send lots of love to his fiancée, Melissa. Oh, that's so sweet. I'm going to need double insulin! Make it a double!"
Cortex: "Neil's thanking nephew and neice, Ben and Teegan, who apparently live in a whale! What sort of sick people would live in a whale? Anyway, enjoy the game, and grow up evil! It's good to be bad. Something is fishy about their story..."
N-Gin: "Peter wants to thank his mom and dad, and some reprobates named John, Paul, and Ann! Get a real job, hippies!"
Cortex: "Pierre wants to thank his wife, Gretchen. Apparently, she's the 'light of his life' or something. Ugh! That's sickening. Makes me want to ralph. The best marriages are silent and repressed!"
Aku Aku: "'My thanks to Carey, Connie, Tanika, Aisha, for their love and support.'"
Aku Aku: "Xiangming would like to thank his family for their support, both emotional and financial."
Aku Aku: "Bob would like to send big love to all his friends and family back in England, especially his nephews, George and Alfie. Hey, Vanessa. Bob would also like to thank you for showing him the unadulterated joy of hairy cat pants... and he's not talking about trousers." (clicks tongue) "Silly English man."
Aku Aku: "Des wants to thank Tanna for being his muse, and say 'hi' to the boys, his biggest fans."
Nina: "Ian chooses to thank his four parrots. Four parrots? What, was he hatched from an egg or something? Guy's a freak. Probably collects dolls and makes scrapbooks about kittens!"
N-Gin: "Josh wants to thank his wife, Isul. What's it say here... 'gomawo Isula'. Oh no! I've forgotten how to read English!"
Crunch: "Kasan called me in here to read something. Only got two lines in this stupid game, and he went and gave me this big thing to read. 'Thanks to my drag-racing mom, and thought-provoking dad for putting up with my random curiosities. Special shout-out to my little sister Micah, best friends Phillip, Z, Keanu, and [unknown spelling], and everyone else representing lost numbers, TMZ, liquid moon, and the [unknown spelling] Baby, baby!"
Aku Aku: "Lauren would like to thank the powers of rock and roll, and the love of her new husband... I think in exactly that order."
Cortex: "Sheik sends heaps of thanks upon Kat Cortez. Cortez? Apparently some sort of family connection there between her and me. Do us Cortexes proud and encourage him to do evil, sweetie-pie. Make him bench press you daily."
N-Gin: "Chris wants to thank his wife, Eun-ju, for putting up with his ridiculous antics! Saranghae jagiya. Also, hello to Alex and Nicholas, the bestest nephews!"
N-Gin: "Robin would like to thank his son Javid for all the inspiration, and for giving him an excuse to sit around watching cartoons! Ahaha! A-ha! Oh, let's watch some now."
Aku Aku: "Raine would like to thank Jeanine, Dad, and Mom, as well as Duke for ending the normality."
Cortex: "Kenneth would like to thank his wife Zandra. Oh, Zandra. What an exotic name. You could be a South American soap opera star with a name like that! Or maybe you are. I'll check the internets..."
N-Gin: "Oh, hello James. What was that? Would I like a cup of tea, and a slice of cake? Oh, m-hmm, yes!"
Cortex: "Ah, that James chap. Isn't he just marvelous?"
N-Gin: "Lee wants to thank his lovely female Kristen, and their bun in the oven. Oh, that's delightful! They're making buns! I hope it's some kind of Danish. I'm so hungry. Get catering in here. Tell them no Danish though, apparently someone already took care of that."
Aku Aku: "Eric would like to thank D. B. Cooper for the generous contribution to his retirement plan..." (sighs) "I suppose his family and friends, yadda yadda yadda."
Aku Aku: "'Thanks to my wonderful wife Brandi for game nights; my rock-and-roll, non-rock-and-roll friends; but most of all, our IKEA dish rack.' Guy's got a thing for the Swedes."
Cortex: "Bryce wants to thank Theresa for her fabulous Tetris skills that remind him of what a real gamer is like."
Voodoo Bunny: "Thanks to Pookie for fun in the sun, and little surfin' love bunnies."
Aku Aku: "Simon wants to thank Zephyr, Lea, Ava, and Ziad. They are all teeny-tiny, very cool, and possess turbo arcane powers of destruction."
N-Gin: "Manuel wants to heap thanks and gratefulness on his girlfriend, Jodie Jones, the queen of alliteration. Thanks for Jodie! I live and breathe thanks to you!"
N-Gin: "Brad would like to thank his girlfriend Lea, and plug the rockingest band since Falco: the Damn Apes! That Brad is a member of the band is purely coincidence."
N-Gin: "Landin would like to thank his family, and most importantly, a big shout-out to his niece, Amanda, and nephews, Adam and Dylan! The big word is 'pumpernickel'! Crazy yeast-obsessed fool!"
Aku Aku: "Bill sends huge thanks to Amaia Mason, the Ford family—go Dylan!—and his parents. Such a sweet boy."
Aku Aku: "Cory would like to thank Laura Hawthorne. Wait a minute! Renowned bestest, awesomest human being, Laura Hawthorne? I am so going to buy this game!"
Aku Aku: "Big love to all the clowns out there, but most of all to you, little buddy."
Aku Aku: "Xi wants me to say, anything Aku Aku can do, Xi can do better. I guess he's a magical wood mask too." (chuckles)
Cortex: "Ash would like to thank the lights of his life (and bane of his wallet): Brandon, Hailey, and Lacey. You know, he had a choice between you three or a new guitar, hah. He's... pretty sure he made the right choice."
Aku Aku: "Louis would like to thank Susan Chai and Ming Ong."
Aku Aku: "Mad dog! Ruff!"
N-Gin: "Rick would like to thank Karen and Tyler and Keith, and say how much he l—" (screams) "What is this? This is not evil! I refuse to read any more of this goody two-shoes propaganda! No evil, no reading! I quit! Goodbye!"
N-Gin: "Trevor Lim would like to thank David Hasselhoff for obvious reasons."
Category:Crash of the Titans
Category:Scripts