Advice No One Asked For: Number Fifteen/Transcript

Advice No One Asked For: Number Fifteen is the fifteenth episode of Buckley's "Advice No One Asked For" series.  It is available as an audio file on his website (in the "Supplements" section), as well as on YouTube.
Description (as seen on the website): I help a woman deal with the unwanted suggestions of an in-law.
Description (as seen on YouTube): Helping people, it's what I do.  Even if they don't want it.  Advice No One Asked For returns, as I help a woman deal with the unwanted suggestions of an in-law.
==Transcript==
(introduction music playing during the following paragraph)
Welcome to "Advice No One Asked For".  The feature at A Dose of Buckley where hopeless losers send their questions in to actual advice columnists.  Then, I take the question and answer it in the way it should have been answered in the first place, 'cause advice columnists are too afraid of offending people to tell them what they really need to hear.  Today's question comes from a woman who secretly wants to drown her mother-in-law.
Dear someone else,
I cannot deal with my monster-in-law.  She's bossy, antagonistic, and gossips about my personal business far too much.  Now I'm pregnant, and the only thing I hear from her is how we must name our son (if it's a boy) the family name "Benny" (he would be the fourth one).  Neither my husband nor I want to use this name, but she is adamant that we must.  No matter how much I ask her not to, she still insists on it.  Not only do I hate that name, but I am beginning to hate her for suggesting it.  I don't know what to do, and the more I get upset, the more my husband and I argue.  Although he agrees with me, he will not put his foot down because he hates confrontation.  Please give me some advice!
Signed...let's call her, "Pregnant and Pissed Off in P.A."
Your mother-in-law sounds like a dried up old bitch with nothing better to do than be a pain in your vag.  This is kind of common though, especially with mothers who are close to their sons, because they feel like you've stolen their little boy away.  I can tell this is the case her because you say your husband won't put his foot down with her, he's an absolute pussy that won't stand up to his own mommy.  So you actually have two problems here: your limp-dicked husband, and his puppet master mom.  Once you get this issue sorted out, you should maybe try to figure out how you got knocked up by a man with no balls.  Anyway, your husband needs to grow a pair, and go tell "mommy dearest", that it's just not happening, that you're going to choose a different name, and that's that. But that's not likely to happen, is it?  It sounds to me that you're going to have to be the man in this relationship, so, here's what you do.  Tell her if that she won't shut the fuck up about the name Benny, you'll head down to the abortion clinic, get that fetus vaccumed out of your womb, ask them to stick it in a jar, and then tape the name "Benny" on it, and give the jar to her as a birthday present.  Happy birthday, you old cunt!  You got what you wanted - the baby's name is Benny.
(introductory music playing)
I'm Buckley, and you're welcome.
Category:Transcripts