A Fascist's Story

A Fascist's Story is CartoonGuy's Spin-Off Kings' Spin-Off Because Yes' tenth episode. It aired on July 4, 2021, was written by CartoonGuy277, and its theme was autobiography.
== Transcript ==
[The episode starts with CartoonGuy sitting on a throne, drinking chocolate milk in a fascist outfit]
CartoonGuy: Ah, I love chocolate milk.
[A guard enters the room]
Guard: Greetings master, enjoying the chocolate milk?
CartoonGuy: Quite.
Guard: Very well then. Uh, it appears people in France are protesting against your nukes.
CartoonGuy: Send another nuke.
Guard: YES SIR! [exits the room
CartoonGuy: Hello there, audience. It is I, the great fascist dictator of Italy. But I wasn’t always like this: HERE IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE!
[Cut to a shot of a hospital, where a baby is delivered]
Doctor: Congratulations, it’s a boy!
CartoonGuy (narrating): July 27th, 2022, the day of my birth, in a Milan hospital.
Mom: Oh honey, isn’t he beautiful?
Dad: Why is he full of blood?
Mom: What should we call him?
Dad: Hmm…
Doctor: I’m bored. [turns on the TV, Family Guy is on]
Peter: Hey Lois, remember that time I slept with Golfpecks256?
Doctor: HAHAHAHHAHAHA! This fat cartoon guy is the best!
Dad: We could call him FatCartoonGuy!
Mom: Fat?!
Dad: Ok, just CartoonGuy.
CartoonGuy (narrating): And thus, I was given my legendary name.
[Cut to a toddler CartoonGuy crawling around]
Mom: Cartoon, it’s time for milk! [picks up CartoonGuy]
CartoonGuy (narrating): I was supposed to be breastfed, however…
Toddler CartoonGuy: [slaps his mom and falls]
Mom: OUCH! What the-
Toddler CartoonGuy: [quickly crawls to the kitchen and grabs some chocolate milk and starts drinking it]
CartoonGuy (narrating): I was attracted by what still remains my one true love: chocolate milk.
Mom: [enters the kitchen] Huh, guess you like that better. Well, I hope you like it, because it’s the last amount of chocolate milk we have.
Toddler CartoonGuy: *gasp* [he turns over and sees the TV, where there’s a show with a mafia boss entering a store]
TV Cashier: *gasp* Roberto! Uh, hello, I-
Roberto: Let’s skip the chit chat, you know how this goes. Now, give me all your money…
TV Cashier: Y-y-y-yes sir! [gives him the cash register]
Roberto: Good choice. Remember, do this everytime, or I’ll set this store on fire and kill everyone you love!
TV Cashier: Zoinks.
CartoonGuy (narrating): Now, I don’t like to toot my own horn, but toddler me was very intelligent, almost as much as me now, which is how he thought of the perfect plan…
Toddler CartoonGuy: MAFIA!
Mom: HIS FIRST WORD!
Dad: That’s my boy!
Toddler CartoonGuy: I will become a mafia boss, but instead of asking for money, I’ll ask for chocolate milk!
Dad: Damn, he’s smart.
Mom: They grow up so fast…
CartoonGuy (narrating): And so, after stealing a gun from a homeless maniac, I started going into stores with a gun, and coming out with the same gun plus ALL OF THE CHOCOLATE MILK THERE WAS!
[A montage plays of CartoonGuy going into stores with a gun and getting chocolate milk, with CartoonGuy progressively getting older as the montage goes on]
CartoonGuy (narrating): I was simply the most feared guy in all of Italy. No one dared to fight me. Until…
[Cut to CartoonGuy walking with his gun]
CartoonGuy: Ah, what a fine day for a walk. [bumps into a police officer] Hey, what do you want?!
Police officer: [speaks with a French accent] Bonjour, are you CartoonGuy?
CartoonGuy: Yes I am, frenchie!
Police officer: Ah. [slaps CartoonGuy’s gun out of his hand]
CartoonGuy: HEY! WHAT’S THE MA-[gets handcuffed] bruh
Police officer: You are under arrest!
CartoonGuy: WHAT?! You can’t do that!
Police officer: Yes I can! You’ve been terrorising people for years!
CartoonGuy: Well yes, but I thought it was like, an unwritten rule that I would never go to prison!
Police officer: lol au revoir 
CartoonGuy: die
CartoonGuy (narrating): And so, I was unfairly thrown into prison. Since that day, I always hated the French.
[Cut to CartoonGuy walking through a hallway of cells with the French police officer holding him, and everyone in the cells scared]
Police officer: Don’t be scared, people, this guy’s a nobody!
CartoonGuy: I fucking hate the French.
Police officer: [throws CartoonGuy into a cell, where another guy is] Rot here, French hater.
CartoonGuy: Ugh.
Other guy: [starts biting his nails]
CartoonGuy: Ugh, don’t be scared. As long as you’re not French, I won’t do anything to you. 
Other guy: You hate the French?
CartoonGuy: Indeed, because of that damn fool of a police officer! Wait…...AAAAAAAARGH!
Other guy: What?
CartoonGuy: BITCH DO YOU KNOW IF THERE’S CHOCOLATE MILK IN PRISON?!
Other guy: There isn’t any chocolate m-m-m-milk…
CartoonGuy: OH MY GOD!
[CartoonGuy chokes the guy to death]
CartoonGuy: MY LIFE IS RUINED! HOW COULD IT GET ANY WORSE?!
[All the cells suddenly open]
Police officer: Alright nimrods, it’s library time!
CartoonGuy: Kill me.
[The prisoners walk slowly and sadly to the library]
Police officer: Read a book, or I’ll fill your cells with Legos!
[Every prisoner except CartoonGuy rushes to get a book]
CartoonGuy: I don’t see any Diary of a Wimpy Kid books! What the fuck am I supposed to read?! [looks at the books and picks a random one] Benito Mussolini: La Storia dell’Uomo Più Bello del Mondo. Sure, this works. [sits down and starts reading it]
CartoonGuy (narrating): At first, I expected nothing, but when I read more and more, I suddenly got full of inspiration.
[Cut to an hour later, where CartoonGuy is enthusiastically reading the book]
Police officer: Alright losers, time’s up, go back to your cells!
CartoonGuy: Argh, just five more minutes!
Police officer: Oh, I’m sorry, does this French hater think he is above the guards because you stole some chocolate milk?
Prisoners: *gasp*
Prisoner 1: How is this guy brave enough to fight CartoonGuy?! He’s the terror of Italy!
Prisoner 2: Yeah, he once stole MY chocolate milk!
CartoonGuy: Fucking French fucker, one day your shit country will get nuked!
Police officer: What profanity.
CartoonGuy: I MYSELF WILL NUKE FRANCE!
Police officer: Oh yeah? And how will you do that?
CartoonGuy: You’ll see…[tries to kick the police officer in his private parts, but the police officer stops the kick by grabbing his foot] Uuuuuh…
Police officer: HA! The French truly are the smartest people in the wo-[gets bitten by CartoonGuy] AAAARGH! [frees CartoonGuy’s foot] PUTAIN DE MERDE! PUTAIN DE MERDE!
CartoonGuy: Now…[kicks the police officer in his private parts]
Police officer: SACREBLEU!
CartoonGuy: [hits the police officer in the head with his book]
Police officer: Fils…...de…...pute…..[passes out]
Prisoners: *gasp*
CartoonGuy: Oh, stop it! [runs out of the prison with the book]
CartoonGuy (narrating): And so began my mission to make Italy fascist again…
[Cut to CartoonGuy walking around with a megaphone]
CartoonGuy: YOOOOO! THE FASCIST PARTY IS BACK! I’M THE LEADER! SUPPORT ME!
Person 1: The fascist party?! THE MUSSOLINI ONE?!
CartoonGuy: Indeed.
Person 1: Sign me up!
Person 2: Me too!
Person 3: Me three!
Other people: AND ME!
CartoonGuy: Ah, good to know Italy still sees the way! The fascist way!
CartoonGuy (narrating): There was one obstacle in my plan: the president, Mario. But I knew how to take care of him…
[Cut to Mario sitting on a throne]
Mario: MAMMA MIA! I can a-feel the hunger! LUIGI!
Luigi: Yes Mario?
Mario: Go a-make me some spaghetti! 
Luigi: Yes Mario…[walks over to the kitchen]
Mario: AND IT BETTER NOT HAVE A HAIR IN IT LIKE A-LAST TIME!
[CartoonGuy is thrown at the window, breaking it]
Mario: WHAT THE?! ARE YOU THAT GUY WHO STEALS THE A-CHOCOLATE MILK?!
CartoonGuy: Indeed I am, and I am here to overthrow you and become the fascist dictator of Italy!
Mario: Oh yeah? You and what a-army?
[The floor starts shaking, as a crowd of people comes up the stairs of the building and into Mario’s room]
Mario: MAMMA MIA!
[Mario gets thrown out of the window]
CartoonGuy: [sits on the throne] Ah, I shall soon announce to every single one of the Italian people that I am now the fascist dictator of Italy!
[The people cheer]
CartoonGuy: Now, some orders for y’all: LEAVE THE EUROPEAN UNION! AND DEVELOP NUCLEAR BOMBS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! I’ve got a bone to pick with the entire country of France…
People: YES SIR!
[Luigi enters the room with a plate of spaghetti in his hands]
Luigi: Here’s your a-pasta, Mario!
[Everyone stares at Luigi]
Luigi: …..Mario?
[Cut to the present day, where CartoonGuy is, like at the start of the episode, sitting on his throne in a fascist outfit]
CartoonGuy: And that is pretty much my story. Well, I skipped over years of arguing about the implications of leaving the European Union and of figuring out how to make nuclear bombs, but eventually, we managed all of that and I nuked France a few times.
Luigi (offscreen): SIR! SIR!
CartoonGuy: What do you want, Luigi?
Luigi: [comes onscreen, dressed as a clown] THERE’S A SHOOTING STAR!
CartoonGuy: HOLY SHIT! I’VE GOT TO MAKE A WISH! Uh, let’s see…
[A nuclear bomb falls into the building and destroys everything]
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