FaRtaL Chpt 13

==From a Ristar to a Lady - Chapter 13 -==
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Haynes Palatial Manor,
Innerman City, Inman
Milligan PDZ, Woodbine Operational Area,
26th February, 3061
0200 hrs (1000 hrs on local 28 hr cycle)
“It really wasn’t my fault,” said Raymond with a frown on his face while using a piece of soft tissue to clean his glasses. He shrank a bit under Finn’s harsh glare.
“Even my father asked about what happened. But really, nothing happened! I went to the guest lounge, you know the one with the huge dual mode viewscreen, and there she was, calmly watching some shows while waiting for lunch. Then all of a sudden, she went berserk and tried to smash the viewscreen.”
“…”
Raymond raised the corner of his mouth at Finn’s gaze, as if asking if he would believe it.
“Actually, there was something else, but I don’t want to say anymore because it’s personal to Lady Kalinska and she deserves her personal privacy.”
Finn snorted. “As if. It’s not about personal privacy, but about you holding onto it for later use.”
“I will not deny it,” he said, leaning against the back of the sofa with a lazy expression. Another curse word lingered in Finn’s mouth. He had been close to Raymond due to unavoidable circumstances from childhood, but he did not want to be any closer to him than he had to.
Raymond’s eyes gleamed with anticipation. “If I tell you about Lady Kalinska, will you give me what I want?”
“Manipulative bastard.” cursed Finn. At that, Raymond closed his eyes and smiled. His demeanor and bearing seemed that of a meek and gentle nobleman, but Finn knew it was just a facade.
Finn continued, “Even though we are engaged, I don’t have to tell you that we are not close enough to do that for you.”
“Well, you are emotionally invested enough to come and ask me about her like this.”
Seeing Raymond’s cunning gaze, Finn grimaced. Raymond put his glasses back on. His sharp eyes were hidden again. “I thought she was an empty-headed girl that only chased after my brother, but Lady Kalinska was something else.”
“I initially thought so too, but I’ve realized she is not your usual vapid-minded noblewoman.”
“She noticed that I’m a trained mechwarrior.”
“What?” Finn controlled his surprise.
“She said, ‘You are a mechwarrior. Stop acting dumb!’ How the hell did she find out? I mean, I was pretty careful.”
“Hah.” Finn chuckled at that. It was because he could imagine the tone Anastasia used. Anastasia had the strange ability to say or do whatever she wanted, and to heck with the consequences.
“I didn’t deny it. If Lady Kalinska said that to anyone else they would think she’s crazy. But the problem is that she tried to break the viewscreen.”
“…It’s just a viewscreen.”
“The biggest high resolution holoprojector we have in the entire Trivet! My father would have gone nuts.”
“What else can you tell me?”
Raymond looked straight at Finn, and Finn felt as though he was being tested.
“Do Captain Larouche and Lady Kalinska know each other?”
“What?” Finn’s mood darkened further.
“Captain Larouche is Renard’s Ass-wiper, and Lady Kalinska was his lover.”
“Raymond, if you’re trying to piss me off today, you’re doing a very good job of it.”
“Nah, I’m just joking. The two don’t know each other at all. Lady Kalinska didn’t even know Larouche’s nickname. Heh, the one that everybody knows.”
Finn growled. “I really hate Larouche. That backstabbing bastard.”
Raymond’s eyes were alight with curiosity. “You never did tell me how you knew him before he came to Inman. The clan border?”
“Classified.”
“Ahhh…” Raymond nodded and drank his tea. Finn was very annoyed after Raymond mentioned Pence and Anastasia at the same time.
Was her meeting with Count Haynes the reason for her breakdown? But according to Raymond, Anastasia had been fine when he entered the lounge. So, what was the reason? Raymond seemed to know something, but he didn't seem to want to say anything.
Did she really go crazy? He was definitely not going to marry a crazy woman. Or even one prone to bouts of insanity from time to time.
Then Finn realized that he was already thinking deeply about Anastasia. He'd met Anastasia a few times in the past, but they both had no interest in each other. They simply did not mix in the same circles. Finn had never been enamored of Anastasia's beautiful looks as many men were, and she had never paid him any attention. Her attention and energy were always focused on Renard.
When he recalled that, Finn felt like he had been hit in the head. She had said she was fine after the very public breakup and scandal, but maybe she wasn't? She could have been suffering silently by herself, just not letting it show. Hiding one’s emotions was a key virtue in the aristocracy, so it was possible.
If she kicked Renard in the crotch, it meant that she was really angry. If Anastasia was honest with him, she had just suffered a very serious betrayal.
Finn suddenly remembered his fellow soldiers, who often talked about dying because of love. He never really knew what 'love' was, since he never experienced it himself, but he also knew that this elusive emotion had the potent power to turn anybody insane.
Sure, he didn’t necessarily need to comfort her about her traumatic past, but he also should not have treated the matter so lightly. He knew that Anastasia’s reputation amongst the ladies of the aristocracy was essentially wrecked after the scandal of her attempted suicide.
For the ladies, the social world was their battlefield. Anastasia had zero standing amongst them after what she did.
Even Renard tried to pile on and forced her to attend the banquet after the incident. Finn thought Renard just wanted to mock her, but upon further thought, he realised with a sinking feeling that Renard had wanted something else from Anastasia, which was why he was in the lounge with her. With that dismal thought, Finn felt she should have kicked harder.
He still thought that the reason for Anastasia’s strange behavior could be due to a broken heart. In the end, Finn concluded that Anastasia had not forgotten Renard, even though he wanted to believe Anastasia because, at that time, Anastasia's facial expression didn't seem like that was the case.
However, that was the only explanation he could think of. He felt rotten and conflicted.
“Damn rain.” Finn muttered while gritting his teeth.
Raymond asked, “Shouldn’t you go to Lady Kalinska?”
“How many times do I have to say we are not that close?” Finn retorted angrily.
He stared out the window, glumly contemplating his options. He couldn’t help but feel annoyed at the whole situation. He even felt a bit exasperated with himself for being annoyed in the first place. Why should he care?
Maybe just a phone call would do? But doing so lacked sincerity.
His thoughts chased themselves all over in his mind, until Finn gave into the inevitable. He got up from his seat, and told Raymond, “I’ll take my leave now.”
Raymond smugly replied, “All right, travel safe. Give my regards to Lady Kalinska.”
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Kalinski Estate,
26th February, 3061
0500 hrs (1300 hrs on local 28 hr cycle)
When she opened her eyes, her vision was blurry and she was already breathing hard. I cannot even roll my eyes, she thought. She looked around and saw her father next to her. Seeing the worry and sorrow on his face, she slowly blinked.
She was having a fever. As Avryl, she rarely fell sick, usually only after extremely strenuous outfield exercises that literally flattened every cadet kit in the sibko after their adrenaline and energy ran out. Also, the only reason she ever was in bed was to sleep. But ever since she became Anastasia, she spent an inordinate amount of time in her bed.
She was still very weak, and fell sick easily. If she was not careful and went out into the rain like the other night, she should have expected the consequences. Anastasia sighed, realising again that she could not afford to be so reckless with her health.
There was also a double whammy from her menstruation, which was apparently always somewhat irregular, but now coincided with her illness. The blood loss and cramps made her even more uncomfortable. As a clan warrior, Avryl had never needed to deal with it; the drugs provided by the clan’s scientists essentially shut down the cycle, since menstruation was obviously detrimental to their duties as warriors.
When she stirred from her sleep, Baron Kalinski raised his head and looked at her. She felt a pang of guilt when she looked into his tired eyes.
"Ana." His voice was mournful, and sounded hoarse after hours of crying.
Anastasia blinked her eyes.
He was still in tears. “Is it too hard to continue living? What are the problems you’re facing?”
Seeing his distraught expression, Anastasia sighed internally.
“I’m not asking for much. I just want you to live a healthy, happy life. Why is it so difficult?"
Anastasia scoffed. She was neither healthy nor happy. How could she even think of living happily? Now that Avryl was dead, was it happiness for her to just adapt to being Anastasia and live happily ever after? Just like that? Then what was the point if everything that once was Avryl was to be forgotten and cast behind?
Her heart ached, her hatred boiling, her sorrow overflowing. Her mind was in turmoil, grappling with a life that was unjustly taken away. She was getting sick of everything.
“Don’t worry, Daddy, will do everything for you. If you are suffering, I will relieve you of that suffering.”
The Baron’s words did not really register with her.
She knew she should be grateful, that she had, somehow, been given a second chance at life. But the despair from the death of her first one, that was something she could not let go.
It was ironic. As a clan warrior, Avryl was not supposed to be afraid of death, but now that she did die once before, she could not be so sanguine about it. She really wanted to live, not die of some fever that she brought upon herself by being so careless with her health.
In her sleep, she dreamed of Anastasia, and her memories.
She saw how lonely Anastasia was when she was young. On the day of her mother's death, Baron Kalinski abandoned Anastasia in his grief. He had cried, saying he would follow her mother. No one was around to comfort Anastasia.
The Baron literally tried to follow his wife into death. He took poison and attempted suicide. It was Anastasia who found her unconscious father on the floor.
Baron Kalinski’s suicide attempt was not successful, and he survived. He woke up to find a mentally scarred Anastasia. He hugged her and wept, promising never to give up on his life again. From then on he tried to always show Anastasia the best of his love as her father.
But Anastasia knew that his devotion was only out of guilt. Already the Baron had abandoned her when her mother died. He would be someone who could abandon her again at any crisis, leaving her all alone. The Baron probably did not know how much the love he tried to give made Anastasia more miserable. Anastasia did not have faith even in her own father. That was a major cause of Anastasia’s problems and personality issues.
Despite her attempts to ignore them, the memories of Anastasia appeared repeatedly. As if her mind was telling her to forget Avryl. Therefore, Anastasia tried to keep herself awake in any way possible for her health and to prevent Avryl's memory from being engulfed by Anastasia's memories.
But she continued to suffer. Why were these memories flooding in? Why did she keep having memories that did not belong to Avryl?
Eventually, she began to get confused as her memories replayed. Am I Avryl? Or am I Anastasia with Avryl's memories? Am I even Avryl, when I have Anastasia's body and Anastasia's memories?
It was a question that she had never not considered before. Previously, she just thought, of course, that she was Avryl. Her body had changed, her environment had changed, but she had no one to recognize her existence as Avryl, so how could she think of herself as Avryl?
After three standard days, her fever had gone down to a point where it would not jeopardize her life.
Then the Baron began to enter the Haynes manor again. Anastasia felt downcast when the Baron was not with her every time she woke up, but she knew there was nothing she could do about it.
In Anastasia’s memories, the Baron was always busy with work. Loving his daughter and the importance of work were two separate acts for him.
After meekly following his instructions to take medicine and eat, she regained enough energy to get up and move around. However, her weak body was slow to recover. Her fever didn't seem to recede, and Anastasia remained dazed at all times. Her lack of energy and the inability to do anything placed her in a foul mood.
“My lady, he is here! You have to get ready.”
"Who?"
“Viscount Rason.”
So what? Why do I need to prepare? Anastasia thought blankly.
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*; Chapter Note from the Author: The fiction itself states that on certain very developed worlds (e.g. Terra), women can remain fertile up to fifty or sixty years old, which means the technology exists to either shut down the cycle, thus preserving the ova, or to actually regenerate ova in the ovaries.On worlds like Terra, I believe it would be the latter (remain fertile throughout puberty to ‘middle age’ of fifty/sixty), while for the clans, it would be the former, through an implant that injects the drug at regular intervals.It just makes sense on many levels. The female warriors don’t have to worry about their periods (cramps, blood loss), and their ova are conserved if they test down and re-enter the civilian castes, in which case they would have to start contributing to the birth rate, usually at solahma ages of maybe thirty plus? As any fertility expert can tell you, normally the depletion of ova is such that after the age of thirty, the chances of conception are drastically lowered. The clan method would prevent this problem.
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Chapter 13