Beer Troubleshooting

*SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
*FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
*ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
*SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
*FAULT: Improper bladder control.
*ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
*SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
*FAULT: Glass empty.
*ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
*SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
*FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
*ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
*SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
*FAULT: You have fallen forward.
*ACTION: See above.
*SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
*FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
*ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
*SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
*FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
*ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
*SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
*FAULT: You are being carried out.
*ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.
*SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
*FAULT: Bar has closed.
*ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.
*SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
*FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
*ACTION: Cover mouth.
*SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
*FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
*ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.
*SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
*FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
*ACTION: Punch him.
*SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
*FAULT: You have been in a fight.
*ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was
them.
*SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room
you're in.
*FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
*ACTION: See if they have free beer.
*SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
*FAULT: The beer is too weak.
*ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.
*SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
*FAULT: Beer is just right.
*ACTION: Play air guitar.
Category:A man walks into a bar....
Category:Technonolgy Humor