Crying Contest Transcript

SpongeBob: Guess what today is Patrick?
Patrick: What?
SpongeBob:It's the big crying contest.
Patrick: Why would you want to join a crying contest?
SpongeBob: I don't know.
Patrick: Practice with me! (cries)
SpongeBob:Okay uh.....hnnn.
Patrick:SpongeBob there's a bathroom right there (points at port-a-potty)
SpongeBob: I can't cry.
Patrick: I'll try and help. (slaps SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Oww! Hey, that hurt!
Patrick: You didn't cry.
SpongeBob: Hmm...(thinks)
Patrick: You gotta use the bathroom again?
SpongeBob: No. I'm just wondering why my tears are gone.
Patrick:Yeah you usually are a big cry bay-
(SpongeBob stares at Patrick angrily)
Patrick: I mean a big uh...(thinks) strong hero!
SpongeBob: We're gonna have to try harder.
(scene cuts to Goo Lagoon)
Patrick: Hi-ya! (steps on SpongeBob foot)
SpongeBob:........Nope still nothin'.
Patrick: (ties SpongeBob's tooth to bike and rides bike)
SpongeBob: (tooth comes out) Nope didn't work.
Sandy: (walks over) what'chall up to?
Patrick: SpongeBob wants to cry for a contest.
Sandy: Strange, but you came to the right girl!
(scene cuts to outside the tank)
Sandy: This might hurt but your desperate.
(tosses SpongeBob up to the celing fan)
SpongeBob: Whoa-Whoa-Whoa-Whoa! (keeps spinning in celing fan then falls back onto tank table)
Sandy: Did it work-
SpongeBob: (Looks at Sandy sad)
Sandy: Wait somethings happening!
SpongeBob: (burps)
Sandy: Ah darn.
(cuts inside SpongeBob's house)
SpongeBob: Aww we tried everything I guess I can't cry.
Patrick: Don't worry SpongeBob we'll think of somethin-(throws rock at SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: (sadly) Don't bother Pat it doesn't even hurt.
Patrick: Tarter sauce.
SpongeBob: Maybe Squidward will help.
(scene cuts to Squidward's living room)
Squidward: Usually i'd never let you in but you seem desperate.I'll play you a very sad song on the clarinet.
(plays clarient horribly in SpongeBob's hole)
SpongeBob: Aaugh! My ear! (busts out Squidward's wall and runs to the Krusty Krab)
(knocks on Mr.Krabs office door)
Mr.Krabs: SpongeBob what are you doing its your day off?
SpongeBob: I can't cry anymore.
Mr.Krabs: So...crying is not a good thing.
SpongeBob: But my conte-
Mr.Krabs: boy if you really want to know the key,slam your hand in me safe.
(walks over and slams hand in safe for three times)
SpongeBob: (looks at watch) Oh no i'm late for the contest.
(runs out Krusty Krab and runs to studio)
Patrick: I'm with ya buddy!
(runs with SpongeBob to studio)
Man: Okay next uh.."SpongeBob SquarePants".
(runs into counter)
Teen male: Tickets?
SpongeBob: I'm SpongeBob SquarePants.
Teen male: Go on in.
(SpongeBob walks in door)
Teen Male: Wait Star fish you can't go it!
Patrick: (shouts) don't worry SpongeBob i'll watch! One ticket please.
(runs onto stage)
Man: So are you gonna cry or what?
SpongeBob: Oh yeah uh...funny story you see I lost my cry but I can really cry grea-(slips on nail and falls on floor)
Man: Kid you okay.
SpongeBob: Oww that hurt (eyes water)......Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (keeps crying) Waaaaaahh!!!!!!!!!!! Waaaah!!!!!!!!!! Waaaah!!!!!
Patrick: He did it!
Spongebb: Waaah! (tears dry) And that was my act.
(croud claps)
Patrick: SpongeBob you did it.
SpongeBob: I wanna do it again!
Patrick: Okay (slaps SpongeBob on back)
SpongeBob: Oh no It didn't work.
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