Hoopla!: The Broadway Musical for No One

This is the 14th episode of Hoopla's Fantastic Beach, and the season 1 finale.
(Episode starts with Hoopla near the doors of a lab facility, looking nervous)
Hoopla: This better work…
Scientist: Hello? Who’s there?
Hoopla: Uh...me. My name is Hoopla. Yours?
Scientist: My name is Doc Clement Brown. Full name is Walter Clement Brown, call me Doclement for short.
Hoopla: Heh, nice pun.
Doclement: What? What pun? I don’t get it.
Hoopla: I bet you live under a rock.
Doclement: I haven’t seen anything outside of this lab since 1982.
Hoopla: o. Well, I’m here to ask you something.
Doclement: And that is? Also what year is it?
Hoopla: The good ol’ 69. Just kidding, it’s 2019. And, I’m here to ask you about reversing hypnosis.
Doclement: Why’s that?
Hoopla: Well you see, this dude named Alpooh took over the world and-
Doclement: Ah yes, classic villain story. Do you know an antidote? 
Hoopla: I think so. Boopla, bring him in!
Boopla: Here’s Carl, Hoopla.
Hoopla: Thanks. Well you see, my friend Carl was hypnotised until I sang to him, and poof! It’s gone.
Carl: I don’t have any memory of this.
Doclement: Hmm, lemme study why that is. But first, may I hear this song?
Hoopla: Ok. 🎵OOPLA-DOOPLA DOOPLA-DEE-DOOOOOOO!🎵
Doclement: OWWW! My ears hurt! My brain is shaking!
Carl: Mine too!
Boopla: I for one think it’s lovely.
Doclement: I think I know how it works. You see, that horrible song disrupts the ears, entering the brain. It’s so bad that it shakes the brain very erratically that it reverses any effects done.
Hoopla: So, we just gotta sing badly?
Doclement: (sigh) yes.
Hoopla: WOO-HOO! So, you wanna join me and my friends on a musical? 
Doclement: I'd rather not but it appears I have no choice.
Hoopla: Indeed. Now come outside.
Doclement: MY EYES! THE SUN BURNS! I FEEL LIKE I'M MELTING!
Hoopla: That’s your fault man.
Doclement: Quick question, how did you find me?
Boopla: Your bunker is right next to our tribe.
Hoopla: Heh heh, plot convenience, am I right? Oh who am I kidding...
(Cut to the network station, where Boopla and Carl are hacking into the system)
Carl: How did you do that again?
Boopla: It’s complicated. I’d rather watch the entire Twilight franchise than explain.
Carl: Damn, you’re smart.
Boopla: Um, don’t you remember when I burnt down a school for getting an F?
Carl: No.
Boopla: ACCIDENTALLY!
Carl: Well Boopla you are a strange fellow but, I gotta admit, you hack a good network.
(Cut to Hoopla and the Oopla-Tribe working on the plot and set for the musical)
Toopla: What if we have a giant foot come out of the sky and crush one of us pretending to be Alpooh?
Hoopla: I don't think that'll work.
Foopla: What if we just sing and that's it?
Hoopla: That's not a musical! That's just a goddamn song. We don’t have much time, so hurry up! Anyway, I’m gonna go find my parents, unhypnotise them, and relax. Have fun working guys!
Aoopla: Ah come on! I had such an awesome idea!
Hoopla: What was it?
Aoopla: I forgot, attention spans of Hooplas are much lower than other people.
Hoopla: o. Also what kind of a name is "Aoopla"?
Aoopla: Tell that to Yeetpla.
Yeetpla: YEET!
Hoopla: Ok, uh, gotta go!
(Hoopla runs off to find his parents)
Hoopla: Mom! Dad! I need some help!
Woopla: Alpooh is amazi-
Hoopla: 🎶 OOPLA-DOOPLA DOOPLA-DEE-DOOOOOOO! 🎶
Woopla: AH! MY- What just happened?
Zoopla: I WANNA DIE- Hey that song wasn’t too bad!
(Meanwhile, at the station)
Announcer: This is Channel 69 News! Bringing you the kinkiest news since '69! Today in the news, The Alpooh Empire shall reign forever! Look, they gave us all free sunglasses!
(The announcer puts on his sunglasses, then drops them and they shatter)
Announcer: Oh come on! I paid good money for those! Just kidding, like I said, they’re free! Anyways, yes! Praise Alpooh!
(The station gets hijacked)
Boopla: This is important! Everyone pay attention! I am the new president of America- Whoops, wrong script, gotta save that for another day. Ahem, we have an important message to bring to you!
Carl: Yes, Krabby O’ Mondays is returning!
(Boopla slaps him)
Boopla: Stop it.
Carl: Sorry, I just really wanted to say that.
Boopla: Anyway, everyone, watch Hoopla: The Musical today! It’s coming on in 5 minutes, so hurry up! Or else Alpooh will be very mad!
(Cut to Hoopla and the others performing the musical)
Hoopla: Are we live?
Moopla: Yes.
Hoopla: Ok then.
Karoopla: Hey! You never told me who I had to play!
Woopla: I play the stupid person, but I’m not sure why...
Hoopla: Uh… play yourself, that always works. WAIT NO I DIDN’T MEAN THAT! Besides, what kind of a name is Karoopla?
Karoopla: Tell that to Oofpla.
Oofpla: oof
Hoopla: Okay, no more dilly dallying, it’s TIME FOR THE MUSICAL! (they start singing)
Zoopla: I don’t like this first song, plagiarism is bad Hoopla.
Hoopla: It’s not plagiarism, it’s inspiration, mom.
🎵Word up
Hoopla Hoopla is my name
And imma tell you how I beat the IRS at their own game
I lied on my tax form 'cause I just don’t care about ducks (QUACK)
Now I’m practically swimming around in big bucks
I got 12 million dollars in my apartment undeclared
And I got another million more right under my stairs
I do my business deals under cover of the night
So I can hide the cash away from Uncle Sam without a fight
I must have cheated on my tax forms at least a hundred times
So many clever tricks I can’t fit them all into rhymes
Hoopla is my name, money laundering is my game
And committing tax fraud is worth every single dime
I hate paying taxes if there’s anything I hate
I supported Jake Paul back in 1998
You might think it’s unfair that I don’t have to pay
But it’s okay, because taxation is theft anyway.🎵
Karoopla: What kind of a song was THAT?
Hoopla: My song. 
Karoopla: OKAY THEN...DON’T EVER SING AGAIN! EVER!
Hoopla: I have to so I can unhypnotise everyone!
Boopla: Yes. Let me have a go ol' pal!
Hoopla: I’m not old or your pal.
Boopla: *sad boopla noises*
Hoopla: Whatever.
(Boopla breaks out into song)
Boopla: IIIIIIIIIIII WAS ONCE A LITTLE BOY! BUT NOWWWWWW I AM A MANNNNNNNN! Wait what’s that? 
Hoopla: Boopla, let me be 100% honest. That was some of the worst singing I’ve heard in my entire life. Let me take over. 
Boopla: BUT IIIIIIIII FEEL AS IF THOUGH I NEED TO CHANGE THIS BALLAD INTO A RAP BATTLE!
Hoopla: For the love of ooplas-
(Meanwhile)
Viewer: What- 
Jasper: Yeah, what is this plot?
CalmStar: I can’t believe that man walked into my building once.
CrazySponge: Hey! I think it's a pretty good musical!
(silence)
Crazy: o.
(Back to Main Stage)
Boopla: Yippie I oh it's the MARIO BROTHERS and plumbing’s our game, not like the others who get all the fame!
Hoopla: Boopla, seriously, shut up.
Boopla: (softly) no. HEY HEY!
(Meanwhile in Superior, Wisconsin)
Random Wisconsinite: HEY!!!
(Back to the show)
Boopla: Ah ah, alright time to destroy you Jasper!
Jasper: Wait what am I doing here-
Boopla: Jasper! You’re going downnnnnn! let’s get one thing straight, you need to fix your style. Like how long has it been since you last looked in a mirror? 
Jasper: You’re an idiot. I wish I was at my house taking a nice warm BATH-
Primitive: Hey, me too!
Jasper: SHUT UP!
Primitive: o.
Hoopla: 
🎵Said I ain't never forgotten, not a soul worth remembering
'Cause all these black ducks turn to foe when they envy
So I don't talk, I work hard
'Cause you could be someone today and just be nobody tomorrow
She said I'll never be squat but I’m a GODDAMN MUSIC STAR
THAT MP3 FILE ON THE FLOOR-🎵
Boopla: Well you know what? Somedayyyy, I’ll be a mannnnnnn!!!! 
Hoopla: Yes we’re doing good! Look outside!
(Random civilians start noticing, but charging towards the station with torches and pitchforks and attempting to break in while all chanting, PRAISE ALPOOH!)
Boopla: I know what to do.
Hoopla: Another song-
Boopla: AND I’M PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN!
Carl: Where at least I know I'm free!
Zoopla: And I won't forget the men who died.
Woopla: Who gave that right to me.
Ooplas: And I gladly stand up next to you
And defend her still today
'Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land.
Doclement: God Bless the USA.
Primitive: I like Canada. 
(silence)
Primitive: o.
Boopla: Guys they’re not going away.
(Alpooh’s hypnotized army starts breaking down the windows)
Hoopla: SING LOUDER!
(Hoopla runs into a back room and returns with a drum set, keyboard, electric guitar, bass guitar, a saxophone, and microphones)
Boopla: Oh I’ve played the saxophone since the 6th grade!
(Out of nowhere, Alpooh shows up)
Alpooh: WHAT. IS. THIS. ABOMINATION?!
Hoopla: Aw crap, here we go again.
Alpooh: Why do you have to ruin EVERYTHING?! You ruined all the songs I LOVED!
Hoopla: *shrugs* Not my problem, sissy.
Alpooh: DID YOU JUST CALL ME-
Hoopla: Yes. Yes I did. And what are you gonna do about it? Cry?
Alpooh: (looks around, thinking) Forget about that. Why do we all look the same? I'm gonna be honest, I’m tired of looking at myself 24/7!
???: I can answer that.
Hoopla: Who is that?
Ooplas: Whoa, our leader.
Hoopla: I thought I was the leader. Remember Hooplaese?
Ooplas: No, you’re just the follower.
Hoopla: Alright, enough of this dramatic crap, who are you?
???: I am Pla, leader of the Ooplas.
Hoopla: These are some seriously weird names.
Boopla: I know, Pla has a weird name.
Pla: Tell that to Lockpla.
Lockpla: hoopla sucks.
Explorpla: 🎵ROLL ON UP AND HIT THIS-🎵 (gets slapped)
Noopla: Why are you always late to everything?
Explorpla: That’s just the way I am.
Latepla: (runs up to the Ooplas) Sorry I'm late! What's going on?
Hoopla: Wait… You knew about him, and DIDN’T TELL ME?
Boopla: Meh.
Pla: Ok, settle down, let me explain all of this. So, our species, Oopla, is endangered. We became endangered because every single one of us has a weird kink.
Sleepypla: (snoring) Huh, what?
Opla: o.
Boompla: (explodes)
Lazypla: meh.
NoMouthPla: ...
Stupidpla: hey guys what's one plus one...duuuuuuh...
Pla: And so most of us were killed so there wouldn’t be any annoying sounds of everywhere. A few survived, and some became civilized like Hoopla. Others, became what the Oopla-Tribe is today.
Hoopla: Alright, I guess that makes sense, but uh, what about Alpooh?
Pla: He's different than the other Ooplas, some say he came from another clan called the Poohs, but others say he was deformed at birth. But I know the truth. To sum it up, he is... your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.
Hoopla: What does that make us?
Pla: Absolutely nothing.
Hoopla: I understand nothing except the spaceballs reference.
Pla: Alpooh is absolutely no one, I guess.
Alpooh: Hey!
Pla: Seriously. You were abandoned at birth because your parents thought you looked like a “doo-doo head”!
Alpooh: Well now I’m sad. (he falls to the floor and cries silently)
Hoopla: Now I kinda feel bad-
Boopla: Yeah cops, here’s the man.
Alpooh: Wait, you guys should be under my control!
Cops: Not anymore. We heard that horrible song, and now we're normal again.
Alpooh: Flip.
Cop 1: Watch your langwang. Anyways, you’re under arrest for taking over the entire world.
Alpooh: Aw, rats!
Everyone: Woo-hoo! Go Hoopla! Go Hoopla!
Hoopla: Aw shucks, I was just being myself. Just kidding, keep loving me! HOOPLA! HOOPLA! Ha-ha, yes! I've always wanted to know what it felt like to be a hero! HOOPLA!
(Zoom out to the signal of the musical in space, which is stronger than ever, even reaching an alien civilization)
Alien 1: This is the worst music I’ve ever HEARD! Where is it COMING FROM?! Wherever it is, we will destroy them!
Alien 2: Cool, let’s send a giant asteroid at them! Then we will hear no more of that horrible music! By the way, why are all our names "Alien"?
(end)
==Trivia==
*This is the first special of the series, being much longer than any of the other episodes so far.
*This is the first episode written by PrimitiveSponge129.
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