Lincoln's Apprentice/transcript

== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: March 26, 2011
Episode Copyrighted: 2011
This episode is rated TV-Y7-FV.
The episode begins with Patrick, wearing a tie and holding a briefcase, walks out of his house to his car.
Penny Fitzgerald: *stops in the doorway* Good luck with the presentation, Dad.
In his car, Patrick is struggling to fix his tie.
Patrick Fitzgerald: Ugh, stupid tie. Where's it supposed to go? I don't even have a neck. Ugh.
Lincoln's hands come up from behind the seat. 
Patrick Fitzgerald: *fixes my tie* Ah, that's better. Come on, Fitzgerald, go get the contract! I can't do it! I'm a loser, a pathetic goober! I'm a useless peanut-
Lincoln Loud: *slaps my face from behind*
Patrick Fitzgerald: No, you're the man! One-hundred percent nut. One-hundred percent NUUUUUUUUT!
Lincoln Loud: *beats my chest like a gorilla*
Patrick Fitzgerald: *turns around* What are you doing here?!
Lincoln Loud: Shhhh, there there now, Mr. Fitzgerald, *whispers* or should I say Dad?
Patrick Fitzgerald: No, you shouldn't.
Lincoln Loud: Now, I know you don't think of me as good son-in-law material, and that's why I'm here to prove that I'm worthy of your daughter. Come on, challenge me. CHALLENGE ME, MR. FITZGERALD!
Patrick Fitzgerald: I don't have time for this today. I've got a very important meeting in ten minutes, so I hope you'll understand.
Lincoln Loud: Understand what?
Patrick Fitzgerald: *throws Lincoln out of the car into the trashcan and speeds away*
Lincoln Loud: *looks on*
Slide transition cuts to Patrick Fitzgerald's car.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *takes a deep breath, exhales, and adjusts my rear-view mirror*
He sees Lincoln in the backseat, smiling.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *screams, grabs him, and throws him out of the car*
He pants nervously while looking around, then sees Lincoln in the seat next to him, still smiling goofily. He screams, throws him out, and pants nervously again, looking around. He looks down to see Lincoln between his legs.
Lincoln Loud: Are you testing my perseverance?
Patrick Fitzgerald: *screams, then stops* Actually, you know what? *gets out of the car, locks it, and walks away, then runs into Lincoln again* What the– How?
Lincoln Loud: You lock cars to stop people from getting in, not getting out.
Patrick Fitzgerald: Oh, yeah.
Lincoln Loud: And it's a criminal offense to leave a child unaccompanied in a vehicle.
Patrick Fitzgerald: Ha, I think that's pretty low down on the cops' list of priorities.
A siren sounds. The fish cops in front of Patrick Fitzgerald.
Fish Officer John: Were you about to leave a minor unaccompanied in a vehicle?!
Patrick Fitzgerald: *sighs, annoyed* No, he's, just, going home.
Fish Officer John: Unaccompanied?
Patrick Fitzgerald: *looks Lincoln, then my watch*
He sighs again.
Slide transition cuts to Chanax. Inc.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *walks to the office*
Lincoln Loud: *follows*
Patrick Fitzgerald: *stops* What do you want?!
Lincoln Loud: The chance to prove that I'm the right man for your daughter! And if you won't test me, then I'll test myself! Like, uh, Gumball's love for Penny is as strong as his arms.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *walks away*
Lincoln Loud: *continues struggling* See? I win! Wait, that means I lost, too. *runs after Patrick Fitzgerald* Oh, wait, Mr. Fitzgerald, hold on!
Patrick Fitzgerald: *to Karen from The Amazing World of Gumball* Hi. I have a ten o'clock with the CEO.
Karen from The Amazing World of Gumball: Okay.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *signs a contract*
Karen from The Amazing World of Gumball: And, uh, who is this?
She points to Lincoln stretching.
Patrick Fitzgerald: Oh. *laughs nervously and says to him* What are you doing?
Lincoln Loud: Doing my stretch for exercise, because you know what happens when you're not flexible in a relationship? It breaks.
Karen from The Amazing World of Gumball: Sir?
Patrick Fitzgerald: Aha yes! He's my...uh...apprentice. He follows me everywhere quietly and never does anything embarrassing.
Lincoln Loud: *winks at him*
Karen from The Amazing World of Gumball: Okay, well, he needs to sign in, too.
Lincoln Loud: *walks up and signs in*
Karen from The Amazing World of Gumball: *gives him a shocked expression*
He winks at her. Slide transition.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *sits on a bench with my head in my hands*
Lincoln Loud: *sits next to him, determined* And so the apprenticeship begins, learning from the man himself!
Patrick Fitzgerald: I think I'm gonna be sick.
He walks away with his briefcase to the restroom.
Lincoln Loud: Wait! *runs to the restroom at lightning speed and blocks the door* This is the perfect chance to protect you in a vulnerable situation! *imitates a walkie-talkie* Pssh, commencing Operation Healthy Loud Peanut Butter. Sir, that might not be safe. I'll go in first. *kicks the door open and cartwheels in* Clear. Clear! *rushes one of the Clipboard Men out of the room* All clear. You are good to go, sir.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *goes in*
Lincoln Loud: Pssh, Operation Healthy Loud Peanut Butter is a success. I repeat, Opera–
Patrick Fitzgerald: Could you please, just, stop saying that?
Lincoln Loud: Sir, yes, sir! Would you like me to keep the door open to ensure your safety?
Patrick Fitzgerald: No!
Lincoln Loud: *puts my hands on the front of my pants*
Patrick Fitzgerald: ...Actually, maybe you could just run some water.
Patrick Fitzgerald and Lincoln are now in the elevator.
Lincoln Loud: It's my genes, isn't it?
Patrick Fitzgerald: What now?
Lincoln Loud: You're worried that my DNA isn't good enough for your grandchildren.
Patrick Fitzgerald: What are you talking about?
A DNA helix with Lincoln's head appears beside him
Lincoln's DNA: *chuckles* Well, you see, Mr. Fitzgerald, DNA is the molecule that contains the genetic code of life. It programs everything in your body, whether you're *shape-shifts* tall, small, or crawl. Whether you're a bat, a rat, or a cat. DNA is inherited from your parents–
Patrick Fitzgerald: Okay, I admit, I am worried about your father's genes. I heard he ended up in the hospital last week 'cause he wanted to know what lightning tasted like. But you can't do anything about your DNA.
Lincoln Loud: *gleefully* Can't you? *plucks a nucleobase off the DNA and says in a pig's squeal and the caption says "How about a new voice?", then the second caption says "Oh, wait a sec..."*
He plucks another nucleobase and his tail grows an eye.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *begins to freak out*
Lincoln Loud: *plucks another and becomes a frill-necked hissing creature*
He plucks another and his tongue becomes giant and furry.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *screams*
Screen cuts to outside of the elevator.
Lenny Smith: *stands outside waiting for it to open*
It does, showing Patrick Fitzgerald and Lincoln, who is now an assortment of creatures. Lenny is shocked as the creatures' tongues and arms begin to rub on him.
Lenny Smith: I'll...uh...
Patrick Fitzgerald: *smiles awkwardly* Take the next one?
Lenny Smith: No, I was gonna say I'm gonna wear my eyes the other way around and bleach my brain.
Patrick Fitzgerald: Okay.
The creatures retract their tongues and arms as the elevator door closes.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *screams, muffled*
As the elevator reaches the one hundredth floor. The door opens and Patrick and Lincoln smile nervously. They walk to the desk of the CEO, who is the goblin.
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: ...'Mornin'.
Patrick Fitzgerald: Good morning, sir. *puts my hand up*
Lincoln Loud: *high-fives him with a hand coming out of my left ear*
Patrick Fitzgerald: So, uh, to begin at the beginning, *chuckles and takes out papers, putting them on the desk* I have an exciting development opportunity for your company.
Lincoln Loud: *picks up the blueprint, showing it to the goblin, whispering "Ooh", then shows the blank paper to the goblin, whispering "Ahh"*
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: *laughs* He's acting like he's on television, but he's actually in an important business meeting!
He laughs again as Patrick is shown. Lincoln has disappeared.
Patrick Fitzgerald: Um, maybe I should just cut to the chase. I would like to present to you the n–
Multiple spotlights move back and forth. Lincoln is controlling the light switches while making dramatic noises.
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: *laughs again* He's trying to help, but he's making you look like a foo-hoo-hool!
Patrick Fitzgerald: I would like to present to you the new-
There is a big poof of steam
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: *laughs again*
Patrick Fitzgerald: *says, defeated* In Royal Woods.
Lincoln Loud: *whispers and imitates an echo* Royal Woods, Royal Woods, Royal Woods...
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: *laughs again*
Patrick Fitzgerald: Sorry for wasting your time, sir. *puts the papers*
Lincoln is in the briefcase. 
Patrick Fitzgerald: *walks away* You made me look like a complete goober!
The goblin's laughter dies down. He has tears in his eyes, which he wipes away.
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: Do you play golf, Mr. Fitzgerald?
Patrick Fitzgerald: *stops walking* Uhhh–
Lincoln Loud: *from inside the briefcase* Yes!
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: *laughs again* It's like the briefcase itself is talking! *suddenly turns serious* Please bring your little apprentice to the green this afternoon, he amuses me, I haven't laughed like this since my last bailout.
Lincoln Loud: *still in the briefcase* And if we win, we get the contract?
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: *laughs again* Sure, why not? A million-dollar business decision based on a game of golf!
He laughs once more for a second then suddenly stops, becoming serious again.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *backs into the elevator and presses the button repeatedly while smiling nervously at the goblin*
Slide transition cuts to the supermarket.
Lincoln Loud and Patrick Fitzgerald: *rides in a golf cart*
Lincoln is driving.
Patrick Fitzgerald: How are we gonna win this? I don't know anything about golf.
Lincoln Loud: That's what I'm here for.
Patrick Fitzgerald: Kid, you're driving a golf cart through the supermarket.
Lincoln Loud: Oh, I never pretended I knew anything about golf.
Fred Rechid: *dodges them*
Lincoln Loud: I'm here to help you cheat.
Fred is getting hurt.
Fred Rechid: *offscreen* My leg!
Jackie's cart is knocked over.
Jackie Wilson: Aah!
Dave the Fish: *runs from them*
Lincoln Loud: Cheat more than a professional cyclist, or a baseball player, or a football player, or a–
Patrick Fitzgerald: Yeah, okay, okay, I get it. Just please don't mess this up.
Lincoln Loud: So it is a trial!
Patrick Fitzgerald: Yes. If we win this game and keep the client happy and get the contract then maybe I'll begin to trust you.
Lincoln Loud: Can I push you to a probably?
Patrick Fitzgerald: It's becoming a possibly.
Lincoln Loud: Then I'll take the maybe.
They crash through the glass doors.
Slide transition cuts to the golf course.
Lincoln Loud: *softly imitates a sportscaster* This is now a decisive shot for Patrick Fitzgerald.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *concentrates*
Lincoln Loud: You can feel the tension in the air. A lot is riding on the shot. And he really doesn't want to mess it up.
Patrick is about to swing, but hits it the wrong way due to Lincoln suddenly shouting in a Scottish accent.
Lincoln Loud: ABSOLUTELY GREAT, OH MY GOSH, THAT WENT EVERYWHERE!
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: *laughs* He switched commentators' voices at the worst moment, causing you to completely ruin your swing!
Patrick Fitzgerald: *giggles awkwardly, then turns to Lincoln and growls*
Lincoln Loud: *whispers* Don't worry, I got this.
Near a body of water.
Lincoln Loud: *stealthily retrieves an egg and sets it down on the grass next to the flag*
It cracks and falls over.
Lincoln Loud: *looks to see two ducks charging toward me, screams and runs away*
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: *laughs* He mistook an egg for a ball and is now facing the anger of those two irate birds! *laughs* Oh, go on, Fitzgerald, I'm having so much fun I'll let you have a second shot.
Patrick Fitzgerald: Thank you, sir. *sets the ball on the tee and swings*
Lincoln is shown next to the flag, sweaty from running.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *yells in the distance* Watch out! Don't go to your left!
Lincoln Loud: *looks around* What?? The ball's on the left??
Patrick Fitzgerald: No! Don't go to the left!
Lincoln Loud: I am on the left!
Patrick Fitzgerald: Go to your left!
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: *laughs* He's gonna get hit by the ball as a consequence of his misunderstanding.
The ball hits Lincoln on the head. Blackout.
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: And it made a coconut sound!
Lincoln Loud: *regains consciousness in my mind, seeing double*
Patrick Fitzgerald: Lincoln. Kid...kid, are you okay?
Lincoln Loud: *groans* Can you hear all that cheese?
Left Patrick Fitzgerald: What? Pull yourself together.
Right Patrick Fitzgerald: The ball bounced off your head and landed straight in the hole.
Left Patrick Fitzgerald: We're two points up, there's a chance we could win this thing.
Right Patrick Fitzgerald's Tongue: Are you gonna be okay?
Lincoln Loud: *groans and slaps myself*
The two Patrick Fitzgeralds become one.
Lincoln Loud: Yeah, I think I'm better.
Patrick Fitzgerald's Four Feet: So I can count on you?
Lincoln Loud: *thumbs up* Absolutely. *detaches and dances to old music before shooting into the air like a firework, then lands on the ground and smiles awkwardly at Patrick Fitzgerald*
Time lapse.
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: *swings and hits the ball*
It almost goes into the hole, but Lincoln blows it back.
Lincoln Loud: *giggles nervously*
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: *glares at Lincoln, who smiles funnily*
Patrick Fitzgerald: *winks at him*
Time lapse.
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: *swings and hits the ball again*
Lincoln is sitting on a branch, hits it with a racket, which shakes. Lincoln and everything else shakes to a high-pitched whine before everything shatters. Time lapse.
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: *swings at the golf ball*
Lincoln Loud: *gets hit on the head again* Ow!
Patrick Fitzgerald: Lincoln. Lincoln! Are you with me?
Lincoln Loud: Yes. Yes, of course.
Patrick Fitzgerald: Are you sure? Because my sausage melted when the grand vizier cracked that artichoke.
Lincoln Loud: Uh-huh.
Patrick Fitzgerald: Do you need me to repeat?
Lincoln Loud: Uh-huh.
Patrick Fitzgerald: We're one point away from winning. Make sure this ball goes in the hole.
Lincoln Loud: *runs to the flag and sees a vacuum on a branch*
It zooms out to reveal that the tree is full of vacuums.
Lincoln Loud: Huh. Well, that's... *takes the vacuum* ...convenient. *sticks the suction tube into the hole and turns the vacuum on*
He gives Patrick Fitzgerald a thumbs-up. A squirrel gets sucked into another golf hole.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *chuckles*
Magic Frog's Voice: Mr. Fitzgerald must lose.
Lincoln Loud: What?
The camera pans to the right. A magic frog is talking.
Magic Frog: The contract will not be used for a hospital, it will be used to build a new highway going straight to Royal Woods. It will be our doom.
Lincoln Loud: How do you know all this stuff, magic frog?
Magic Frog: The clue's in my name.
Lincoln Loud: Frog?... Oh, yeah, magic. But if we lose the contract–
Magic Frog: *shushes and slaps him* Make your choice. This is your trial. *disappears*
Lincoln Loud: *gasps and runs to Patrick Fitzgerald* Mr. Fitzgerald, stop, stop! He's not going to use your firm to build a new hospital, he's gonna use you to build a freeway right through the middle of Royal Woods!
Patrick Fitzgerald: What? How do you know?
Lincoln Loud: *whispers* The magic frog told me.
Patrick Fitzgerald: Enough! If you mess this up, I will never forgive you.
Lincoln Loud: But- *sighs and walks away*
Patrick Fitzgerald: *swings*
With the vacuum still running, the ball is sucked into the golf hole.
Lincoln Loud: *reverses the air flow and the ball is sent flying back to its tee*
Patrick Fitzgerald: *growls* What have you done?!
Goblin from The Amazing World of Gumball: NOOOO! *falls to my knees* My nonsensical plan to pretend to lose this game of golf to trick you into signing with me without paying attention to what you would sign has been foiled by the beautiful sacrifice of a child! *stands up* You may win now, but I will have my revenge! *deflates*
A larva with a jetpack crawls out of his limp body. It flies off, leaving only a trail of smoke behind.
Patrick Fitzgerald: *turns to Lincoln, frowning* You lost that game deliberately—
Lincoln Loud: *nods*
Patrick Fitzgerald: —knowing you'd lose my trust forever.
Lincoln Loud: *nods*
Patrick Fitzgerald: And all for the greater good of Royal Woods? There couldn't be a more worthy person to become my son-in-law! Come here!
Fireworks go off as they hug. Circle transition in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
Category:Transcripts
Category:The esa Episodes
Category:The esa Season 11 Transcripts