The Greatest Enemy of All

The Greatest Enemy of All is the twenty-seventh episode of Cult of Squid. It aired April 17th, 2020 and was written by Purple133.
== Plot ==
After failing to invade Hell and pissing off Satan, a paranoid Squidward sends the cult into overdrive trying to build all new defenses; Noseward begins to see into the alternate past again.
== Transcript ==
(Episode opens with the Feathered Friends back in the jail cell) 
Krabs: So it would appear that the invasion of Hell failed. Very badly.
SpongeBob: Yeah, the cult really screwed the pooch on that one. 
(Cut to Squidward in the throne room with Noseward)
Squidward: Noseward do you think we’ve built enough defenses?
Noseward: I think that the iron pyramid shell we built around the regular pyramid was slightly overkill.
Squidward: We’re dealing with the devil himself here.
Noseward: True. More defenses then?
Squidward: Yes. 
(Later that night in Noseward’s dream)
Noseward: Huh? Where am I?
Candy Muffin: THE DREAM REALM!
Noseward: OH GOD NO
Candy Muffin: No I’m just kidding. This is your “vision” of sorts.
Noseward: What does it mean?
Candy Muffin: The hell if I know. 
Noseward: Can I do anything in this dream?
Candy Muffin: No. As I already said, this is a vision you silly goose!
Noseward: Oh, okay then-
(Noseward gets strapped into a roller coaster seat and shot through an hourglass)
Noseward: HOLY *dolphin noises* THIS IS INSANE! Hey by the way, why are you a candy muff-
(As Noseward is turning to speak he notices the candy muffin thing is gone)
Noseward: Huh, that’s odd.
(The rollercoaster enters a dark room)
Noseward: Hello? Oh my it’s quite chilly here. 
Voice: Noseward, heed this warning. Forty nine days hath you to
Noseward: No. I’m not going to get a prophecy to deliver. I’m waking up!
Voice: NO IT’S REALLY IMPORTANT!
(Noseward wakes up and goes to Brother Squidward’s room)
Squidward: *pacing* what do you want Noseward?
Noseward: Well I had this odd dream with a candy muffin.
Squidward: Okay and?
Noseward: The muffin said I was having a vision and needed to heed a warning but I decided to wake up before I got the warning.
Squidward: YOU MORON! I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOUR VISIONS ARE COMING FROM BUT IF IT WAS GOING TO WARN YOU, YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED!
Noseward: Yeah okay whatever.
Squidward: Okay so here’s the plan. (hands Noseward paper) can you put these symbols up everywhere?
Noseward: Sure, what do they do?
Squidward: Keep out Satan.
Noseward: Smart.
(Noseward is setting up the symbols outside when the Initiator pops up)
Initiator: Hey dude what’s good bro man dude
Noseward: Uh you good?
Initiator: Just got back from my trip in an aquarium in Hawaii. Totally rad.
Noseward: Okay then. Can you help me paint these sigils all over the cult pyramid?
Initiator: Why?
Noseward: Squidward pissed off the greatest enemy of all-Satan himself.
Initiator: Now that is an oh no moment.
Noseward: Yeah! Let’s paint these everywhere now.
(Cut to the Feathered Friends’ jail cell)
SpongeBob: Okay guys so we really need to get out of here.
Patrick: But how?
Krabs: Just eat through the steel bars again.
Patrick: Oh okay. 
(Patrick gnaws through the bars)
SpongeBob: We have to get past this guard.
Krabs: He’s asleep.
Brother Snoozy: No, I actually had a minor heart attack and lost all feeling in my legs. You guys can go.
SpongeBob: Okay, thanks!
Brother Snoozy: Wait can you send the medic down here?
(The Feathered Friends are already gone)
Brother Snoozy: Feathered Friends 1, Brother Snoozy 0.
(Cut to Noseward’s dream)
Candy Muffin: READY FOR THE WARNING NOW?
Noseward: Yes sir.
Voice: Noseward, heed this warning. Forty nine days hath you to [dolphin noises] off!
Noseward: What?
Voice: You didn’t listen to me last time so now I won’t tell you.
Noseward: Rude!
Voice: No, you’re rude!
Noseward: Fine!
(Noseward wakes himself up and goes to Squidward)
Noseward: He didn’t tell me anything.
Squidward: COME ON! NOTHING?
Noseward: Nada. I’d say we get ready for something big to go down in 49 days tho. 
Squidward: Okay. What do you suggest we do?
Noseward: I think-
Squidward: MORE DEFENSES!
Noseward: Oh boy.
(Cut to Noseward painting new symbols over the old symbols)
Initiator: *shows up* again?
Noseward: Squidward’s losing it man, I’m scared.
Initiator: Aren’t you the one having odd visions?
Noseward: Yeah and?
Initiator: Never mind. 
Noseward: Can you help me paint?
Initiator: I would, but I have to get back to uhhhhh things. Mhm.
Noseward: Fine, bye.
(Noseward slips and slides down the pyramid and accidentally triggers an alarm Squidward set up)
Noseward: Oh sh-
(A trap ensnares Noseward and a bunch of cult members show up)
Brother Pandemic: Brother Noseward?
Noseward: Who are you?
Brother Pandemic: The most recent cult member I guess.
Noseward: Yeah okay.
Brother Pandemic: Too soon?
Noseward: Too soon.
Security: What are you doing Noseward?
Noseward: I was painting more sigils and stuff and then lost my balance and fell onto the exact spot of this here trap.
Security: Here, let me get you down.
(Security aims a BB gun at the rope to snap it but misses and hits Noseward in the eye)
Noseward: OUCH!
Security: Oh dang I’m sorry.
(Security takes a second shot and hits Noseward in his unmentionables)
Noseward: Ouchhhhhhhh
Security: Here let me try again
Noseward: WAIT STOP! I’LL GET MYSELF DOWN!
(Noseward bites through the rope and falls into a pile of sticks)
Noseward: What the *dolphin noises* is this?
Sister Yvonne: Oh hi Noseward! I see you found my secret stick collection?
Noseward: Wh-what?
Sister Yvonne: Oh well Squidward said we needed wood coated in blood to kill demons so I went and found a bunch of sticks!
Noseward: Okay then. Let me go speak with Brother Squidward.
(Noseward goes to Squidward’s chamber)
Noseward: Hey Squidward I don’t think these paintings are gonna work.
Squidward: Wait what? 
Noseward: Well they uhhh
Squidward: Noseward they have to work!
Noseward: Okay Squidward I’m sorry but this is getting a little too weird for my liking. Odd visions, needing BLOOD to kill demons, just the thought of demons?
Squidward: I don’t see your point.
Noseward: Squidward we’re fighting SATAN HIMSELF. 
Squidward: Yeah and?
Noseward: Don’t you think you’ve taken this whole world domination thing a bit far?
Squidward: Yes. But I can’t stop now, it’s too late. Noseward I’m scared man. We managed to piss off SATAN and now have to deal with the consequences. And it doesn’t matter what we do or how hard we work to save ourselves, we’re dealing with the devil. I dealt with the devil and now we’re done for.
Noseward: Wow that got deep.
Squidward: It’s true.
Noseward: So what do we do now? More defense? More support? More women?
Squidward: We wait. We wait, and get ready for ANYTHING he throws at us. It’s time we show Satan who the real bosses of this ocean are.
(Episode ends with Noseward walking away from Squidward looking nervous)
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