Screaming Chair

== BEGIN PROFILE: ==
SUBJECT: SCREAMING CHAIR is a chair made of human osseous tissues, found in custody of a "pirate museum," 
Subject was aledged by the former owner to be a former posession of the "Last of the Great Ghost Pirates." Links of this "Ghost Pirate" to SUBJECT: BLACK FREIGHTER, SUBJECT: RED RUM and [REDACTED] are currently under investigation.
Subject's osseous tissues are anomalously pliable, and investigation has determined that there are excess cartilaginous tissues, along with trace amounts of 9REDACTED], though the full means by which Subject utilizes this is currently unknown. Testing has shown that; despite appearances; testers find Subject extremely comfortable to utilize for the purpose of a seating device.
When subject is sat upon, subject will emit a "screaming" sound, of multiple frequencies. Analysis has shown that these frequencies correspond to musical tones considered "pleasing" by the human ear, and appear polyrythmically designed to maximize accoustic utility in spaces of multiple dimensions.
Despite requiring neither hydration, nutrients or oxygen, subject has been found to exhibit properties of living tissue, most notably an extremely active nervous system. When Subject utilized for its purpose by testers, testing has shown an anomalously high pain response, inextricably linked to the means by which the osseous tissues produce sound.
Subject's genetic material appears to be derived from multiple individuals. It is unknown their relation to Subjects creator. Current working hypothesis is that they are sapient remains of individuals who had earned the extreme emnity of this creator...
== Author Commentary ==
Fun fact, this is inspired by a very specific line from one of the Monkey Island games, that is both funny and unsettling at the same time. Anyone remember that one? Anyone?
...Either way, as with all my G.U.F.F. stuff, this is free to use as you see fit under a CC-BY 4.0 license so long as I; Thomas F. Johnson, am credited as their creator!
And, if you wanna support me, maybe check out my Patreon, or even just send a Ko-Fi my way! Every penny is appreciated, and I am eternally grateful for those who donate!
Or, if you wanna commission me for a pic like this, my commission info is thisaway!
Category:G.U.F.F. Entries