Indiana Mackiewicz and the Temple of Bad Things

The eighth chapter of Total Drama Revolution, posted on August 10, 2011.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama Revolution, the contestants sold ice cream! Unfortunately, neither team won, thanks to some sly customers, and some lazy fatties. Both teams ended out voting out a contestant. The Bugs voted out Gustavo, because he voted out Kim the episode before, and the Platypi voted out MacKenzie for some mysterious reason. What lethal things do I have in store for the contestants today? Find out now, on Total Drama Revolution!"
"AAAAAAUGH!" screams a voice from the Platypi's dorm.
"Ugh, you just woke me up." says Elle grumpily.
"I need a good beauty sleep." says Chelsey. "Thanks a lot."
"Sorry, guys. This is just bad. Extremely bad." says Cammy.
"What is it now? Did your precious computer crash? Boo-hoo." says Elle rudely.
"No, it's worse." says Cammy. "Way worse."
"Tell us what happened. The suspense is killing me." says Elle.
"Yeah, we've got your back, guuuurl." says Chelsey.
"KRP vandalized the Total Drama School Fan Story Wikia!" screams Cammy.
"Who?" asks Chelsey.
"Only the most terrible vandal in all of Wikia-land." says Cammy.
"Oh, you mean that one guy who posted Sharissa porn?" asks Kavren, waking up.
"Go back to sleep, Kavren." says Cammy.
Chelsey says in the confessional, "Of course Kavren would know about that."
"Oh, no. He wrote a horrible story about Moonshine the Lasagna Pixie dying in a hole, replaced Twinklefog's pages with 'POPCORNPOPCORNPOPCORN', and said a rude word to Greendude!" says Cammy.
"Was that English?" asks Chelsey.
"Oh, good, the head admin, 2Cool4TDSchool, undid all his edits." says Cammy.
"That's a nice username." says Elle sarcastically.
"I didn't even watch TDS. It was too short." says Chelsey.
"Oh, man, he wants to go on Bigchat with me!" says Cammy sadly.
"Do it. I wanna see if he's hot." says Elle.
Cammy logs on to Bigchat, and sees the vandal. He has green skin and looks like a zombie.
"Hey, babe." he says.
Trick wakes up. "What was that?" he asks crossly.
"It's KingRedPop." says Cammy.
A large, flabby butt comes in front of KRP's camera, and farts.
"Suzuki, you--" says KRP. The screen then turns to static.
"That was horrifying." says Cammy.
"Go back to sleep, it's midnight." says Elle.
Toad is in the bathroom with Antoine.
"I wonder what all of that ruckus out there is?" asks Antoine.
"I think something bad happened to Cammy. Lemme go check." says Toad.
"You can't. Trick will destroy you." says Antoine.
"Me and Trick are buddies." says Toad.
"Nah, lately, Trick has turned into a Cammy-obsessed pompous dude, rather than a chill, skating bro." says Antoine.
"We need to get the old Trick back." says Toad.
Kavren busts open the door of the bathroom.
"Hai, hai, hai!" he says loudly.
"Oh, wow, Kavren, perfect timing." says Antoine sarcastically.
The Bugs are acting strange.
"I see a little silhouetto of a Vince..." says Donny.
"Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?" asks Vincent.
"I HATE THAT SONG." says Ori angrily.
Donny says in the confessional, "Ori's totally our next target, and we only have six people left. I'll be surprised if I make it to the merge."
"So, guuuuurls, what's shaaaaakin'?" asks Tasia.
"Aw, nothing much. You?" asks Mattie.
Abbey grumbles.
Abbey says in the confessional, "Mattie can be nice to Tasia all she wants, but I'm not going to. Hmph. I hate that girl so much..."
A loud noise resembling a dump truck is heard outside.
"I wonder what that could beeeee?" asks Tasia.
Suddenly, the two cabins smash into smithereens, and the contestants are sent hurtling into an abyss.
"WAAAAA!" screams Toad.
"I WANT TO GO HOOOOOME!" yells Ori.
"This is laaaaax, maaaaan." says Tasia calmly.
"I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DATE YOU, ABBEY." screams Kavren through the abyss.
"WHAT?" Abbey gasps.
"DUH, IT WAS SO OBVIOUS." Vincent says, rolling his eyes.
"WE'RE SINGING AS WE'RE FALLING!" Toad yells.
"SHUT UP!" Chelsey yells.
Cammy and Trick are casually making out.
The contestants fall into a large pit that resembles a tropical dungeon.
"Huh?" Cammy's eyes widen.
"Isn't it obvious, maaaan?" asks Tasia.
"We're too important to the story; the main characters never die in these things..." says Donny.
"Unless you count Infinity by BJ Tenstar...' Cammy states.
"I wanna die," Ori mumbles.
"That can be arranged." says Chelsey curtly.
"I still love you." Kavren hugs Abbey.
Abbey is disturbed.
"Where are we?" asks Antoine.
"You," says Chris, who comes down randomly, "are underground."
"Well, we know that. I mean the specific location." says Antoine.
"Oh, you're in the Temple of Bad Things." says Chris.
"What's our challenge?" asks Donny.
"Oh, you just have to make it out of here alive. Good luck!" says Chris.
Chef comes down on a hoverboard, and grabs Chris. The two hover away.
"Okay, gang, let's split up." says Trick.
"I'll go with Toad and Kavren, Elle and Chelsey can go together, and that leaves you and Cammy." says Antoine.
"Good enough." says Elle.
"Hey, you know I'm your best friend here." says Chelsey.
Chris' voice is heard from above ground.
"Oh yeah, Elle, remember if you don't seduce, automatic boot-out." says Chris.
"Pprrrr." says Elle to Toad. "There, that's good enough. Snookiiii!"
Vincent is trying to jump high enough to reach the hole.
"Vincent, you're not going to be able to do that." says Donny.
"Who cares, mate? I'm still tryin'." says Vincent.
"I can be your human stepping stone, maaaan." says Tasia.
"All right, sure." says Vincent.
Vincent gets on Tasia, but she collapses and Vincent is sent hurtling onto Donny.
"Ow, my kiwis..." says Donny.
Abbey and Mattie are trying to look for an exit.
"Ugh. I hate this place. It smells like cow manure." says Abbey.
An arrow is sent whizzing by, and narrowly misses Mattie's head.
"Oh, and there's that." says Abbey.
Another arrow barely misses Abbey's leg.
"This place is lethal." says Mattie.
Toad, Antoine, and Kavren are walking up a long hill.
"I see something gold up there!" says Toad.
"No, Toad. Don't get it. It's probably a trap--" says Antoine.
Toad runs up to the gold thing,
"Oh, sweet, it's a cool little trophy!" says Toad.
"No, don't touch it!" says Kavren.
Toad touches the trophy, and the temple begins to rumble.
"Oh, no." says Antoine.
A large boulder comes out of nowhere, and starts rolling towards the boys.
"RUN!" screams Antoine.
"You almost killed us, Toad!" screams Kavren.
"SORRY!" screams Toad. "I didn't know!"
"It's okay, man, we just have to get out of here alive!" screams Antoine.
Kavren leaps behind a bush, and drags Antoine and Toad with him. The boulder rolls by, and falls into a hole.
"Heh, heh..." says Toad.
Kavren and Antoine glare at Toad angrily.
A toucan flies by and craps on Antoine's head.
"Aw, man. My hat's ruined." says Antoine.
"Didn't a bird crap on Toad's head in the first episode?" asks Kavren.
"Yup." says Toad.
"Man, the author is getting desperate-er and desperate-er..." says Antoine.
A snake suddenly bites Antoine's leg.
"Ow, ow, ow." says Antoine loudly.
"What the crap just happened?" asks Toad.
"A snake just bit..." says Antoine.
He turns green and falls over.
"Oh, look, he's unconscious." says Kavren.
"I guess we have to carry him." says Toad.
"How much do you weigh, Antoine?" asks Kavren.
"Mmmmrrpht." mumbles Antoine.
Toad and Kavren hoist up Antoine.
"Man, Antoine, you really need to lose some weight. Have you been eating too many acorns?" asks Kavren.
Toad accidentally drops Antoine, and he falls into a pit.
"EEK!" screams Antoine, and all is silent.
Kavren glares at Toad menacingly.
Vincent and Donny are almost out of the large pit.
"Whoa, dude, just a few more inches..." says Donny.
"I'm almost there..." says Vincent, who's climbing up the hole.
Donny reaches the top of the hole, and sees the rest of his team already out, along with Elle and Chelsey.
"Euch, how did they get there?" asks Vincent.
"They're watching Nebraska Shore." says Mattie angrily.
"THE PREDICAMENT FOUND A BILLION BUCKS LYING ON THE STREET." screams Elle.
"Seducing?" asks Chris blandly.
"Purrrr." says Elle.
"Good enough." says Chris.
Five hours later, everyone is back except for Toad, Kavren, and Antoine.
"I wonder where they could be?" asks Cammy.
"Psssh, they probably died in a hole." says Chelsey. "Don't worry about it."
Toad and Kavren come out of the temple, with gashes and stains all over.
"What happened to you guys?" asks Chris.
"Toad almost killed us." says Kavren.
"And where's Antoine?" asks Chris.
A figure that resembles Antoine comes out of the pit. He's completely covered in some sort of bugs.
"TOAD, YOU IDIOT." says Antoine. "These are leeches."
Everyone groans.
"Ouch." says Trick.
"I'mma go take a bath." says Antoine.
"Epic Plats, look like you've lost." says Chris.
"It's about time." grumbles Abbey.
"Time to vote off a player." says Chris. "Meet me at elimination in ten minutes."
Antoine is done with his bath, sitting on his bed silently.
"Hey, man." says Trick, coming up to him.
"Go away." grumbles Antoine.
"Look, I'm sorry I ditched you for Cammy." says Trick.
"Yeah. Right." says Antoine.
"No, man, chill. I'm serious." says Trick. "I could skate with ya if you want."
"All right, sure." says Antoine.
Trick and Antoine go outside.
"Here, you can use Hal, my old skateboard." says Trick.
Antoine steps on Hal, then falls off and hits his nards on a railing. He then tumbles down a flight of stairs and lands face-first in a pile of prickers.
"Ouch. I guess you're just not the skating type." says Trick.
Antoine says in the confessional, "This was the worst day ever. My hat has bird crap on it, I'm still feeling the prickers, and I think there's a leech on my..." Antoine looks for a moment. "AAAAAUGH!"
Chris is at the elimination ceremony.
"If I call your name, you can get a little skull so you can eternally remember the temple." he says.
"Oh, fun." says Elle.
"Chelsey, Cammy, and Kavren." says Chris.
The three get their little skulls.
"Elle, did you do some seducing?" asks Chris.
Elle nods, and Chris passes her a skull.
"Trick." says Chris.
Trick gets his little skull.
"Toad and Antoine. Toad, you almost killed two of your teammates with a huge boulder, and you also threw Antoine into a pit. Antoine, your injuries could slow your team down."
"Just eliminate someone already!" says Elle loudly.
"The final skull goes to..."
"Antoine." says Chris.
Antoine makes a retching noise. "I'mma go puke. See ya guys tomorrow..."
"Why did you guys vote for me?" asks Toad.
"Uh, no reason." says Trick.
Trick says in the confessional, "It's kind of obvious..."
"Wait!" says Toad. "Before I go, I have to show you guys something."
"Ugh, we don't have all day." says Chris.
Toad rips off Chelsey's shirt, revealing her breasts.thumb|Toad rips off Chelsey's shirt.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" screams Chelsey.
All the boys look at Chelsey's chest.
Cammy slaps Trick, who's drooling over Chelsey.
Chelsey stomps away in a huff. "Toad, I will get my revenge..."
"YOU LOOK SEXY, BABE." yells Elle.
"That was horrifying. Toad, now you really need to go." says Chris, and he pushes Toad into the Taxi of Losers, which drives away.
"I will have that beautiful image etched into my mind for all eternity..." says Kavren.
"I feel like I've died, and gotten reborn..." says Trick.
==Author's Notes==
*This chapter was a clear parody/homage to the Indiana Jones film series... even though I hadn't watched any of them at the time of writing.
*The entire "KingRedPop" saga was a reference to TDIFF's most infamous wiki vandal, QueenOrangeSoda, right down to KingRedPop allegedly posting Sharissa porn. All of the other usernames mentioned were parodies of prolific TDIFF users. KingRedPop himself, under the name Herbert, was a contestant in my failed collab story Total Drama Arcade, where his design was based on Marshall Lee from Adventure Time. 
**Later, Cammy references 'Infinity by BJ Tenstar' as an instance of main characters dying-- a play on DJ Spenstar's fic Total Drama Infinity, where multiple characters died in gruesome ways. 
*Donny and Vincent singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" was inspired by my then-recent Queen obsession.
*The scene with Trick and Antoine toward the end was presumably meant to redeem Trick a bit, but even I gave up on it halfway through writing.
*Toad's elimination is probably my single least favorite scene in the story, even worse than Take a Skit or anything Dolph-related - I find it completely vile and embarrassing, even though it was most likely meant to be.