My child is Canadian.

My child is Canadian. is season 2 episode 6 of I hate my child..
==Synopsis==
During a heatwave, Zoltan and Bot travel to Canada with Prim, but they meet some old foes on their trip. Meanwhile, Golf and Aaron go to Antarctica.
==Transcript==
[The episode starts with a hot summer day, with the sun shining bright on the Auger household. Inside the house, Zoltan and Bot are sitting on the couch, with a fan blasting air in their faces]
Bot: Jeez, can this day get any hotter?
Zoltan: I know right…I’ll turn on the TV.
[Zoltan turns on the TV, where a nude Halle Berry is seen]
Bot: And it just got hotter!
[The TV melts]
Zoltan: Oh come on! Now I have to steal a new one!
Crazy: Hey, I have an idea on how to make the heat more barrable!
[Crazy melts as well]
Cactus: I don't know what you guys are talking about, it's not even that hot.
Bot: Maybe we should go to a place where it's not as hot…
Zoltan: Like the Sahara?
Bot: No, I was thinking more along the lines of Finland.
Zoltan: Bro, that's straight up ridiculous! I can't even speak Swedish!
Bot: Hm, you're right. Maybe we should go to a place that speaks English.
Zoltan: What's English?
Bot: Hungarian hoe.
[The whole house starts melting]
Zoltan: Damn, I was going to sell this house.
Bot: Zoltan! We need to get out!
[The two rush out of the house]
Bot: Well that just happened.
Prim: Hey guys, how are you?
Zoltan: Great, our house just melted.
Prim: That's cool.
Bot: I don't think cool is the right word to describe this scenario.
Smooth voiceover: Badumts.
Bot: Wait, did Crazy just melt?
Zoltan: Yes.
Bot: What about Cactus?
Zoltan: Cactus is a cactus, they are doing well.
Prim: Well, it sure looks like you could do with going somewhere colder.
Bot: Yes.
Prim: Well, I’m feeling a little homesick, and I was thinking of going to Canada.
Zoltan: You’re Canadian? I didn’t know they made cats there!
Prim: Fuck off, eh.
Bot: Well, I don’t see why we shouldn’t go to this mythical place.
Zoltan: Don’t you have like, owners or something though?
Prim: They don’t care about me.
Zoltan: Oh that’s cool.
Bot: I thought Golf would have wanted to go to the Arctic, he’s a penguin.
Prim: Ignorant pig, there are no penguins in Canada.
Zoltan: I dunno, man, sounds pretty boring to me.
Prim: Well, let's see… It also has maple syrup. And hockey. And mooses. And Tim Hortons.
Zoltan: Oh nevermind this Canada place actually sounds pretty cool, I think we should get a plane and go there.
Bot: Okay, let me get some airline tickets.
Zoltan: Ah, there’s no need for that, I got an old buddy for this who could help.
Bot: Please don’t tell me that-
[Zoltan calls Tan up on his phone]
Zoltan: Hey, Tan, could you pick us up? We want to go on a trip to Canada.
Tan: Sure thing, Zolt!
[Tan’s airplane crashes into the melted house]
Tan: Hey guys!
Zoltan: Tan, you’re here!
Prim: That was quick.
Bot: Oh god, not this guy again.
Tan: I heard that, idiot niece.
Zoltan: Hey, let’s not get into arguments, okay?
Tan: So uh, Canada.
Prim: Yep.
Tan: I know that place very well. That’s a country that was mentioned once in Victorious (2010).
Zoltan: Sounds stupid.
[Tan stabs Zoltan in the stomach with a knife]
Zoltan: augh
Prim: Can we get going already? I’m getting bored.
Tan: Okay, just-
[Golf walks out of his BANANA house]
Golf: What’s going on here?
Prim: Oh hi owner. I was just considering going on a vacation in my home country of Canada.
Golf: Oh thank the Lord that you will be gone, I fucking despise you.
Prim: I will miss you too, Golf.
Aaron: Hey husband, what are you doing?
Golf: Our cat Prim is leaving.
Aaron: Oh come on, now I’m gonna be stuck here with you?
Golf: Yee.
Tan: I can’t fucking take this shit anymore.
[Tan puts the Augers, Prim and himself into the plane and flies away]
Aaron: o
[Cut to Tan flying the plane]
Tan: Ah, this must be the nice Canadian air.
Bot: We’re still in Basildon.
[Laugh track]
Tan: Oh.
Prim: Wait, don’t you know where you’re going?
[The plane hits a hill, but keeps going]
Tan: Sure.
Bot: Can you even legally fly a plane?
Tan: Of course! I just have to bribe the police and they let me.
Zoltan: Yeah, I should start doing that as well!
Bot: I hate my relatives.
Prim: This ride is going to be long, so let’s do something fun while we wait.
Zoltan: We could play chess.
Bot: We could watch Friends.
Tan: How about watching iCarly? It’s much better than that stupid show.
Prim: Well actually I was thinking of doing [prim thing], but now that I think about it, why don’t we watch some Family Guy?
Zoltan: That’s a wonderful idea! We all love Family Guy!
[They put on Family Guy; Cut to the Auger household which has been reduced to melted paint]
Cactus: This house is so weak. It’s not even as hot as it is in the Sahara desert located in Northern Africa.
Crazy: One day I want to learn African and go there.
Cactus: Didn’t you melt?
Crazy: I always come back.
Cactus: So, do you think about ever leaving this house and going to a better place?
Crazy: I tried that before, but whenever I try to escape Zoltan some weird thing causes me to go right back, as if it’s required for me to be here so the universe can properly function.
Cactus: Hm, maybe you’re right… But, what if…
[Cactus knocks itself off its shelf or whatever idk i dont have cactuses and rolls away as the camera follows it, stopping at Golf’s house. The camera goes inside the house where Elon Musk appears on the couch next to Golf and Aaron]
Elon Musk: What’s going on guys?
Golf: Ah, Elon, my good friend. 
Elon Musk: Jeez Pecks, you look like you are dying of heat stroke.
Golf: I am.
Aaron: I told him, he can’t stay like this!
Elon Musk: Maybe I should take you to a colder place. What Golf calls home.
Aaron: Wait, you don’t mean-
Golf: ANTARCTICA?!
Elon Musk: Yes.
Golf: Splendid.
[Elon Musk gives them a legendary gadget with way too many buttons]
Elon Musk: This is a legendary gadget with way too many buttons. It’s called the Antarctica-teletrasportation-inator. You just need to-
[Golf grabs Aaron and smashes his head against the gadget, sending them both to Antarctica]
Golf: YES!
Aaron: Bro I am going to freeze to death
Golf: Don’t worry, Aaron boy, I’m sure this gadget with way too many buttons has a button that turns you into a penguin.
[Golf mashes every button on the gadget and Aaron starts transforming into various animals, including lizards, lions, leopards and even a bear, and he eventually turns into a penguin]
Golf: Perfect!
Aaron: Quack, I’m a penguin! This is weird. I guess now I am Penguinfellow.
Golf: I refuse to comment on that statement.
[Suddenly, the penguins of Madagascar appear next to them]
Skipper: Golf, is that you?
Golf: Skipper?
Skipper: It is you! This is amazing!
Aaron: Hey, these are the guys from the movie!
Golf: Didn’t you guys get sent to a zoo? I still remember that day.
Kowalski: We did, but we escaped and traveled all over the world! Madagascar…
Golf: I’ve been there!
Kowalski: Then some other place in Africa…
Golf: Africa, where the lion roars.
Kowalski: And we’ve visited basically all of Europe. Then we returned home, here.
[Rico vores everyone; cut to Tan and the gang on the plane]
Tan: Okay guys, we’re arriving in Canada!
Prim: It’s about time, I’ve been waiting for ages.
Tan: Okay everybody, we’re landing right… NOW!
[The plane stops mid-air, and starts falling down]
Zoltan: You’re such a great pilot, Tan!
Tan: Thanks, I’ve been practicing a lot.
[The plane crashes into a building with French text]
Bot: Uh, Tan, I think you drove us to the wrong country.
Zoltan: Really, I accidentally got to France again when going to a different country? (Full Server episode 6 Road to Yemen reference)
Smooth voiceover: Full Server? I hardly know her!
Prim: Oh no…I think we’re in Québec.
[Everyone collectively starts screaming the word ‘no’]
Tan: D’oh!
Zoltan: What do we do now?
Prim: Maybe we could live here and learn French?
Bot: Absolutely not.
[Mr. Beast pops up out of nowhere]
Mr. Beast: TODAY I’M DOING A GIVEAWAY CHALLENGE TO THE PEOPLE OF QUEBEC! Luckily, I can speak French fluently: Un nouveau virus apparaîtra en 2030 et tuera la moitié de la population mondiale.
Zoltan: Mr. Breast give me money.
Mr. Beast: Okay.
[Mr. Beast gives Zoltan 10 million dollars in cash]
Mr. Beast: The plot no longer needs me so I can stop existing.
[Mr. Beast disappears]
Tan: Aw sweet, 10 million dollars!
Zoltan: That’s enough to cover all my debt! Well, almost all of it.
Bot: And what do we do with all this money?
Zoltan: Let’s buy Quebec.
Prim: They don’t need another independence movement.
Tan: No, guys! We need to actually get to places! We need to buy more fuel for my plane!
Zoltan: Okay let me just go to a plane fuel tree and grab some plane fuel fruit and put it into your plane.
Tan: Okie.
[They run to the Quebecois Plane Fuel Station]
Prim: Pretty convenient how this station is so close to where we crashed.
Tan: Don’t think about it too hard, let’s just-
Zoltan: Wait a second, who’s that over there?
[Zoltan points to a man and the camera pans over to him, revealing him to be Mike Source]
Zoltan: GASP! This can’t be…
Bot: Hold on a second, did he tape the head of French Guy to his stomach?
Tan: Kinky.
Zoltan: Did you just say kinky talking about the people who raised us?
Tan: …Hey, what are Mike and Pierre doing here in Quebec?
Prim: I don’t know, we should ask them.
[Mike notices the Aughers]
Mike: WHAT THE SCHEIßE? WHY DID YOU COME HERE? ARE YOU GUYS TRYING TO GET REVENGE? WHY? I SHOULD BE THE ONE GETTING REVENGE! YOU GUYS KILLED MY LOVE PIERRE! luckily though his still alive because i revived his head
Bot: Oh hey grandpa Mike, I don’t know why you are here at this Quebecoise plane fuel station, but I can assure you we did not intend to end up in the same place as you and French Guy whose head is taped to your stomach for some reason.
Mike: I don’t believe it.
Bot: We are only here to cool off. A Canadian cat is with us. Wait, why are you here?
Mike: Well… It’s not important! I’m going to kill all of you!
[Mike starts chasing them, but quickly stops due to him being old lol]
Mike: TURBO MODE ON!
[Mike flies into the air with his cool shoes and starts flying above the Aughers]
Bot: Oh dear. Uh… Tan, you can still get the fuel into your plane, right?
Tan: Of course, I just need to throw this rock at Mike!
Mike: wait wut
[Tan throws a brick directly onto Mike’s head]
Mike: WHAT THE FUCK that is not a rock…
[Mike falls down]
Mike: Ouch.
French Guy: [wakes up from his slumber] wah huppen
Mike: You sleepy head.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Everyone, run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[The GANG!!!!! starts running back to the fuel station and steals metric tons of liters of fuel and Tan quickly rams it into his plane]
Tan: Everyone, hop in!
[Everyone hops into the plane, as it begins flying away; cut to fat Rico in Antarctica, who arrives at someone's house. He spits out Golf, Aaron, and the other penguins of Madagascar]
Aaron: That was interesting.
Golf: Get used to it, new penguin.
Skipper: Golf, you remember Pingu, right?
Golf: Of course, he is my nephew.
Kowalski: Well, this is his house. You might remember our Rishmas dinner here.
Private: I was part of the dessert.
[Kowalski knocks on the igloo’s door and Pingu from Pingu opens it]
Pingu: NOOT NOOT!
Golf: Ah, Pingu, my lovely relative. How have you been, dude?
Pingu: Noot noot.
Skipper: Oh right, he’s regarded.
Kowalski: Don’t worry, I have the device that can translate his speech.
[Kowalski shoves a remote down Pingu’s throat, and he begins speaking perfect English]
Pingu: Good afternoon, uncle Golfpecks. Long time no see. I see you still look like a chimpanzee.
Aaron: Wait, are you the penguin from the Swiss TV series for children Pingu?
Pingu: Noot noot.
Aaron: Wow, I can’t believe I am standing right next to such a big celebrity!
[Pingu’s father bursts down the Igloo door as he is an alcoholic]
Aaron: Wow, you’re father is just like my neighbour Zoltan.
Pingu’s father: Pingu, what are you doing with these gangsters?
Pingu: They are not gangsters, father, they are just my friends.
Pingu’s father: Oh, I see. Wait, what happened to your other friend, Robbie?
Pingu: Robbie is now a female and prefers she/her pronouns.
Pingu’s father: I see. Well I’m gonna be smoking weed now.
Golf: Good day to you as well, brother.
Pingu’s father: Holy shit, I’m already seeing things. Is that my bastard brother?
Golf: Suck my pecks.
[Laugh track]
Pingu: Okay guys, let’s do some fun activities, like fishing and stuff.
Private: I agree with that.
Aaron: But we don’t have a fishing rod.
[Everyone starts laughing at Aaron]
Skipper: How idiot you are. We’re penguins, we grab fish with our mouths.
Aaron: Oh no…
[Cut to the penguins fishing]
Skipper: Golf, tell your friend to start fishing!
Golf: Aaron, you should start fishing.
Aaron: I don’t know Golf, I don’t think I’m ready.
Golf: It is very easy. You just swim in the frozen water and grab as many fish as you can with your mouth. Rico is an expert.
[Rico is seen spitting out thousands of fish in the background]
Aaron: Alright, I guess it’s worth a try.
[Aaron majestically dives into the water, he starts freezing, but through sheer determination, he manages to get near a fish, grabbing it with his beak, and resurfacing to spit it out. He starts panting, as everyone applauds him]
Golf: That’s my husband!
Skipper: Good job!
Pingu: Noot noot!
Aaron: Oh my god…I NEED MORE FISH!
[Aaron jumps into the water, and quickly resurfaces with dozens of fish in his mouth, which he spits out]
Kowalski: That’s the spirit, soldier! Become addicted.
[Aaron continuously dives into the water and returns to the land with several fish every time, until a huge pile of fish is formed]
Private: Wow, that’s a lot of fish…
Pingu: This could be enough fish for a whole week.
Golf: Hey, I should also try and grab some!
[Golf dives into the water but only manages to get a singular tiny fish out]
Skipper: Talk about filler, Patrick.
Pingu: What a shit uncle.
Kowalski: I say we kill him.
Private: He’s more regarded than his nephew.
Golf: I hate my life.
[Laugh track; cut to the Aughers right outside Prim’s house in his province, Alberta]
Prim: Well, this is my house.
[JON ARBUCKLE FROM GARFIELD WALKS OUT]
Jon Arbuckle: yo wassup diggity dogs
Zoltan: Holy crap, you actually lived with Jon Arbuckle?!
Prim: Nah, that’s just the Grim Reaper.
Zoltan: what
[Jon Arbuckle takes off his costume, revealing himself as the Grim Reaper]
Grim Reaper: Ha you fell for it.
Zoltan: Oh my God, it was true after all! You are Canadian! Just like my wife Paige said in Full Server episode 5 Testicular Cancer!
Bot: Who’s Paige? You have a wife?!
Zoltan: Don’t worry about it. 
Grim Reaper: Prim, I can’t believe you came back! Oh, you all must be so hungry. Come inside, you can have human flesh as a snack.
Zoltan: Yummy.
Grim Reaper: And yes Prim, there is lasagna.
Prim: Yummy.
[They go inside the house]
Prim: Ah yes, the house where I used to live. I remember being a young kitten, and reading all the Garfield comics. Those comics really changed my life and shaped me as a person.
Zoltan: Yeah sure. So did you like… Watch hockey here or something?
Prim: Silly Zoltan, in Canada there’s not only hockey. We also watch documentaries about mooses and beavers and bears.
Tan: Just like in Victorious!
Prim: I left this place years ago, when I was taken from this house by Aaron and Golf… They wanted a cat, and Golf thought the best way to do that was going to a random house in Alberta, Canada and steal one. But hey, they have lasagna, so I’m okay.
Grim Reaper: Yes, very sad. Anyway, can I come with you guys to your next destinations in this glorious nation?
Zoltan: No.
[Everyone except the Grim Reaper disappears]
Grim Reaper: I’ll be back.
[A montage begins of the gang doing various places in Canada, including visiting a hockey stadium thing, eating pancakes with lots of maple syrup, riding mooses, playing in snow, cutting some wood with strong muscular lumberjacks, drinking some Tim Hortons coffee and visiting Niagara Falls; cut back to the penguins]
Pingu: Okay, how about our next penguin activity, GAY SEX!
Aaron: Oh, I’m great at this! 
Pingu: To have gay sex, you have to-
[Suddenly, the giant walrus from the Pingu episode Pingu’s Dream pops up]
Walrus: roar
[Everyone screams in terror]
Aaron: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!
Pingu: THAT FUCKING WALRUS IS REAL! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
Skipper: An evening of homosexual fornication, ruined.
[They start running away, but the walrus chases them. A chase montage starts, with I Am the Walrus by The Beatles playing in the background]
Skipper: It’s time for Operation Rico!
[Rico vores everyone and runs inside a cave, then spits everyone out]
Golf: What’s Operation Rico?
Skipper: Operation Rico is uh… It’s not important. What’s important is that a giant walrus is chasing us.
Golf: Okay so, I think the obvious thing to do here is to hide here forever and never leave.
Private: Sounds good to me!
[Private runs way deeper into the cave]
Aaron: Thank God, I hated that guy.
Skipper: Now, we just need a proper plan. Kowalski!
Kowalski: The walrus looks pretty big. We should take that into consideration.
Pingu: I have converted to Islam. Mashallah.
Golf: [THE FOLLOWING LINE HAS BEEN CENSORED UNDER THE REQUEST OF GOLFPECKS256’S LAWYER]
Aaron: Don’t worry guys, I have just the perfect plan.
Skipper: Care to share it with us?
Aaron: Of course. It is surprisingly simple. We just need to lure the Walrus inside the cave with the only thing Walri like.
Kowalski: And that is?
Aaron: Penguins probably idk im not a scientists
Skipper: Don’t worry guys, I know the perfect person for this.
[Skipper uses his extendable arms to grab Private and reel him back]
Private: what the flip
Pingu: Hey, Mister Walrus! Here’s a perfectly edible penguin!
Walrus: yummy
[The walrus jumps into the cave, consuming Private in one bite]
Walrus: Thank you very much indeed.
Golf: You fool, now we are stuck here with this fat penguin eating monster!
Aaron: Don’t worry. I accounted for that as well. Rico, can you give me some… Explosives?
[Rico throws up several tons of explosives]
Aaron: Now, we just need to light them.
[They blow a massive hole into the other side of the cave]
Walrus: Noo! Now I’m stuck here in this cave! (dies)
Aaron: It worked!
Pingu: Aaron, you saved us!
Skipper: I never thought a N00B like you could ever do a thing like this.
[Everyone starts celebrating Aaron]
Kowalski: Well, after Private’s great sacrifice, I think you should do something, Skipper.
Skipper: Oh yes. Aaron, I have a request for you. Would you like to become the newest member of the Penguins of Madagascar?
Aaron: …I…um…
Golf: Nope. You can take Pingu.
Skipper: Oh okay then.
Pingu: Yippee!!!
[The Penguins of Madagascar leave along with their new member]
Golf: Well, we don’t have all day. Let’s go home.
[Golf and Aaron fly up into the air; cut to Tan flying his plane]
Tan: Well, we’re here. Time to land safely.
[Tan crashes his plane into a glacier]
Tan: Eh, good enough.
[The gang gets off the plane]
Zoltan: Ah, so nice and cold. And I can see the Aurora Borealis.
[The Aurora Borealis is shown. It’s beautiful, amazing, awesome, incredible]
Prim: Ah yes, the most beautiful part of the North Pole.
Bot: I guess this really made our journey worth it.
Tan: (yawn) This is quite boring. I’m gonna be practicing my amazing flying skills while you guys look at that.
[Tan starts flying his plane very dangerously around the arctic]
Zoltan: Oh, and look, Brian Griffin is over there!
Prim: Those are polar bears. Don’t get close.
Zoltan: Eh, what could possibly go wrong?
[Zoltan starts patting the polar bears]
Zoltan: You guys are such cute little bears!
[The polar bears’ masks fall off, revealing them to be Mike and French Guy in disguise]
Zoltan: Oh, nice fursuits.
Bot: What the? You guys again?
French Guy: You fools are going to pay for chopping my head off! And for disturbing our peace in Quebec, where I can speak French freely!
Bot: So that’s why you were there…
French Guy: Of course. And now, that we’re here in this grand vastness, we can have one final showdown.
[The two sides prepare to fight each other with all of their strength, but then unexpectedly Tan crashes his plane directly onto Mike and French Guy]
Smooth voiceover: That’s gonna leave a mark.
Zoltan: What the hell?!
Tan: Hey, I noticed the glacier was a bit uncomfortable, so I landed the plane here.
Mike: You guys are… not yet… ough… that hurt… and it also kinda turned me on… but… I will… return…
Prim: Sure thing buddy.
Tan: I say that was enough travelling for today. How about we all go home?
Zoltan: Sounds good.
[Everyone hops into the heavily damaged plane and they fly back to their house at the same time as Golf and Aaron arrive. They leave the vehicle, and see the molten house]
Zoltan: Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
Aaron: Hey Zoltan, Bot, Prim and weird guy. How was Canada?
Prim: Great!
Zoltan: Eh. Could’ve been better. Still not as bad as France though. Wait why are you a penguin
Aaron: Amazing. Well Prim, let’s have some lasagna.
Prim: Yippee!
[Golf, Aaron and Prim walk into their house; Cactus rolls back to the house]
Cactus: I'm back.
Tan: So, Zoltan, what are you gonna do about your house?
Zoltan: I know a certain pig who can help me rebuild it. (Full Server episode 6 Road to Yemen reference)
Tan: Sounds fun. I need to leave now to do stuff.
[Tan leaves in his plane]
Bot: Thank God he’s gone.
Zoltan: Hey, don’t talk that way about my idiot brother. Now, let me call Daddy Pig.
[Zoltan calls Daddy Pig, who immediately appears in front of him]
Daddy Pig: Greetings, Zoltan.
[Cut to Golf and Aaron in their house]
Aaron: It sure is nice being back home. Wait, where’s Elon Musk? He promised me he would turn me back!
Golf: Oh well, I don’t mind you being a penguin.
Aaron: Die.
Prim: Meow. Give me the lasagna.
[They laugh as the 5 second long credits roll; after the credits, a post-credits scene starts. The dead walrus in the cave opens his mouth, and Joe Biden comes out]
Joe Biden: Jeez, what a day. 
[Private comes out too]
Private: Uh…what just happened?
Joe Biden: Oh hi Kamala. Let’s get some Antarctica ice cream and go home.
[Biden’s phone rings, and he answers it]
Joe Biden: Hey Elon. I’m sorry to say that the mission failed.
Elon Musk: Damn, whatever, we’ll get them next time…
[They laugh evilly as the episode ends]
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