Krusty NFTs

Krusty NFTs is the twelfth episode of The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show, and the second episode of the second season. It was written by thatjess and released on March 21, 2022.
== Transcript ==
[Exterior shot of The Krusty Krab. Cut to the inside where Daddy Pig and Mr. Rabbit are sitting and eating some Krabby Patties together.]
Mr. Rabbit: Mmmmm, I must say Mr. Pig, these Krabby Patties you were telling me about are even better than I expected!
Daddy Pig: Why thank you! I must say I am a bit of an expert when it comes to sniffing out good places to eat on our lunch breaks. This bacon Krabby Patty REALLY hits the spot!
Narrator: Daddy Pig likes bacon.
[Squidward walks over to the table.]
Squidward: Please don’t excuse me fellas, but you still owe your fifteen dollars and fifty eight cents.
Mr. Rabbit: Oh, my apologies. I believe this should cover it.
[Mr. Rabbit takes out a piece of paper with a drawing of a monkey on it, and hands it to Squidward.]
Squidward: …this is not fifteen dollars and fifty eight cents, sir.
Mr. Rabbit: Oh, no no no! You are absolutely right, it’s even better! It’s a N-F-T.
[Pause.]
Squidward: A what now?
Daddy Pig: You mean like an STD?
Mr. Rabbit: No, no, an N-F-T. It stands for “non-fungible token”. 
[Cut to Mr. Krabs in his office, bathing in a bath filled with dollars bills.]
Mr. Rabbit: (off-screen, muffled) They’re like these little art pieces you can invest in, and some of them can be worth millions!
[Mr. Krabs’ eyes suddenly widen.]
Mr. Krabs: Invest? Millions?
[Mr. Krabs suddenly rushes out to Mr. Rabbit wearing nothing but a bathrobe.]
Squidward: I’m very sorry sir, but I find it incredibly hard to believe that a crudely printed out jpeg of an even crudely-er monkey could be worth millions.
Mr. Rabbit: Well, you’re also right there. This particular NFT is only worth twenty quid. But it should cover our meal, no?
Mr. Krabs: We’ll take it!
Squidward: WHAT?! B-but Mr. Krabs! It’s a drawing of a monkey!
Mr. Krabs: A drawing of a monkey worth twenty dollars, Mr. Squidward! Say, Mr….
Mr. Rabbit: Rabbit.
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Rabbit, how, um… how could I invest in some of these M-O-Ts myself?
Mr. Rabbit: Oh, it’s very simple really. It’s all in the blockchain. If you know how, you could even mint our OWN NFTs!
[Mr. Krabs’ pupils turn into dollar signs, and he faints.]
Mr. Rabbit: Um, Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs?
[Pause.]
Squidward: He’ll be fine. (walks off)
[The next day…]
[Cut to The Krusty Krab, the next day. Squidward walks in to find SpongeBob half-asleep on a table.]
Squidward: Another day, another migra- SpongeBob?!
SpongeBob: Ugh… hi, Squidward. (his face falls on the table)
Squidward: Wh-what’s the matter?
SpongeBob: I was up all night drawing some… pictures for Mr. Krabs. (starts snoring)
Squidward: Oh my Neptune, he’s not really going through with this, is he?
[Mr. Krabs walks out from his office.]
Mr. Krabs: Indeed I am, Mr. Squidward! You see, I’ve been looking into the M-O-T things-
Squidward: They’re called N-F-Ts-
Mr. Krabs: I don’t care what they’re called, I’ve been looking into them and you should see how many people have gotten rich with these things! That’s why today, my friend, marks the launch of THE KRUSTY KRAB’S FIRST EVER LINE OF NON-FUNGIBLE TOKENS! (blows a party blower)
Squidward: (sighs) Mr. Krabs, you know this is just one big massive scam, right?!
Mr. Krabs: Calm down, Squidward, I’ve got this all figured out. Look.
[Mr. Krabs pulls out his phone and starts showing Squidward some of the Krusty Krab NFTs.]
Mr. Krabs: We’ve got a Mr. Krabs NFT, a Mr. Krabs in a moustache NFT, a Mr. Krabs in a sailor uniform NFT-
Squidward: These are all just the exact same image but with little changes to make them seem different!
Mr. Krabs: I know! Isn’t this great?!
Squidward: You’re hurting the environment, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Pffft, who cares about the environment? We’re all gonna die anyway, might as well make it happen faster.
SpongeBob: (gasps) Mr. Krabs! That is a horrible way to live!
Mr. Krabs: What? I’m just a businessman… doing business. You can hate, or you can create. What’ll it be?
SpongeBob: I don’t know what an N-F-T is, but if I knew I was helping you hurt the environment I wouldn’t have helped you in the first place!
Mr. Krabs: Well, I wouldn’t say we’re hurting the environment persay, we’re just… “helping it along”.
[SpongeBob throws his hat on the floor.]
SpongeBob: (a tear sheds from his eyes) Good day, sir.
[SpongeBob begins to walk off… but he falls asleep on the floor again before he can make it out of the door.]
Mr. Krabs: …I’m gonna have to take this out of his paycheck. Just trust me, Mr. Squidward, this whole N-F-T thing is gonna be a hit!
French Narrator: Two hours later…
[Time-jump to later that day. A riot is forming outside The Krusty Krab.]
Charlotte Sheep: (holding a picket sign) Krusty Krab is unfair! Mr. Krabs is in there! Standing at the concession, plotting his oppression! 
Eggman: I’ve come to make an announcement - Mr. Krabs is a bitch-ass motherfucker.
Charlotte Sheep: Wait you’re Dr. Eggman, why are you against N-F-Ts?
Eggman: N-F-Ts killed my Grandma, okay?!
[Cut to the inside of the Krusty Krab.]
Squidward: I don’t wanna be that guy Mr. Krabs, but… I told you so. (laughs)
Mr. Krabs: I… I just don’t understand. I thought N-F-Ts were all the rage nowadays!
SpongeBob: Um… Mr. Krabs? You might wanna see this.
[SpongeBob passes Mr. Krabs his phone.]
Mr. Krabs: Huh? …SpongeBob, what the fuck.
[SpongeBob grabs his phone back from Mr. Krabs and sees that he’s just shown him a nude picture of Gary the Snail.]
SpongeBob: Oh, sorry. Heh. This is what I meant to show you.
[SpongeBob gives Mr. Krabs his phone again.]
Mr. Krabs: OH MY GOD! The Krusty Krab is trending on Twitter!
Squidward: Oh brother.
Mr. Krabs: Well, it turns out people DO like our NFTs after all! Let’s what people have to sa- “kill yourself corpsefucker”, “we hate you please die”, “jump off a cliff you old fuck”... well that’s lovely. What does “no bitches?” mean?
SpongeBob: (sighs) You’ve soiled the good Krusty Krab name, Mr. Krabs… soiled it.
Squidward: Eugene, for the first time ever, SpongeBob is right. You need to take down those NFTs and face that angry mob!
Mr. Krabs: What?! Never! I’m just a storyteller trying to tell my story! So what if emitting high carbon emissions is the best way to do that?!
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, it’s either lose the overpriced jpegs… or lose us.
[Pause.]
Mr. Krabs: (gulps)
[Suddenly, Plankton walks in.]
Plankton: Yoo-hoo! Hey Mr. Krabs ol’ pal!
Mr. Krabs: WANKTON!!! I mean- PLANKTON!!! Come to try and fail to steal me formula again, eh?
Plankton: Oh, your formula? Why the hell would I want to steal that useless tacky piece of paper?
SpongeBob: …because it’s what you’ve attempted to do every other week for two whole decades?
Plankton: Pfffft… the sandwich game is a lost cause, SpongeBob. NFTs are what it’s all about nowadays!
Mr. Krabs: Ha! See? Someone agrees with me! ……………he’s my arch-enemy, but still.
Plankton: Yeah, yeah, it’s nice when we both get along. Now, HAND OVER ALL OF YOUR NFTS OR ELSE!!!!
[Pause.]
Mr. Krabs: (smirks) Did you really think you could march on over here and steal my NFTs?
Plankton: Well… yeah.
Mr. Krabs: Agagagagagagagagag! Well guess what, loser? You can’t! Because they’re all in the blockchain! Agagagagagagagag!
Plankton: Oh really? Then I guess I won’t be able to do THIS then!
[Plankton takes out his phone and starts clicking save on all of Mr. Krabs’ jpegs.]
Mr. Krabs: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Plankton: I’M SAVING ALL OF YOUR NFTS, BITCH!
Mr. Krabs: NOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU CAN’T DO THAT! YOU’RE STEALING MILLIONS OF DOLLARS!
Plankton: Yeah, and?
Mr. Krabs: Y- YOU- YOU CAN’T- PIRACY IS A CRI-
[Pause.]
Mr. Krabs: (sighs) You’re right, boys. The NFTs have to go.
[Bubble transition to a new day at The Krusty Krab. Daddy Pig and Mr. Rabbit are having lunch together again.]
Narrator: It is the next day. Daddy Pig and Mr. Rabbit are having lunch together again.
Mr. Rabbit: Mmmm! You were right again! This bacon Krabby Patty is amazing!
[SpongeBob walks over to the table.]
SpongeBob: Umm… Daddy Pig? Mr. Rabbit? You still have to pay your bill.
Mr. Rabbit: Oh, don’t worry about it Daddy Pig. I’ll get it again. I believe this should cover it.
[Mr. Rabbit hands SpongeBob another NFT. After a pause, everyone falls to the floor in a fit of spontaneous laughter.]
Narrator: SpongeBob hates NFTs. Everyone hates NFTs!
Category:2022
Category:The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show
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Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Thatjess
Category:Episodes written by Thatjess
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:Daddy Pig Cinematic Universe
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