History of Cluto

Ancient Clistory has no set starting point, but most experts in the field of clistory say it was 200,000 years before the Great Subjuggulation. 
At this point in clistory, Clowns were merely another tribe amongst dozens of other "performerfolk" and for the most part were no better off than the rest of them. It is said in Cythology, that the Honkcenned (Honkmother/Honkfather) birthed all Clowns on Cluto and preordained that they would do better than all of their contemporaries, allowing them to triumph over all others. 
As a substitute for lack of proper documented explanation on the beginnings of Clistory, it'll be explained from here as it is explained in the religious story of Honkcennedism. In the beginning, the Honkcenned was the only form that existed. The Honkcenned has always existed in one way or another, representing all good, positive energy. The Funny energy.
The Honkcenned, unsatisfied without a capstone of their Funny glory, created Cluto, the home planet of all performerfolk, the most important of which were the Clowns. On the northeastern part of the continent of Clouradata, near the modern location of historical Guffawinburg, Clownendom first settled. They were given exaggerated features, red noses, facepaint, and an uncanny ability to be really funny for the bemusement of the Honkfather.
The Honkcenned, in all their ancient wisdom, knew it would be a lot funnier if the Clowns had a natural adversary, but instead of making them fight amongst themselves and letting them all die off, the Honkcenned created the natural enemy of Clownia; Mimes. This move is seen a sign of support from the Honkcenned, and legitimizes the Clause as it stands today, as the ultimate force of funny gracefully allowed Clowns to live on instead of genociding them for the lols.
Thus, Pantomimetullus was birthed by the Honkcenned in an asexual ritual known in Honkcennedism as The Stripe Unravelling. Pantomimetullus was created to be as vain and as anti-clown as possible. He hated anything that had to do with fun, and almost immediately rebelled from his creator, running away to the south and fashioning a mask to hide his intentionally disfigured face (lol) and robes out of white cloth picked from the Clouradatan flora. This was all apart of the Honkcenned's plan, of course.
Pantomimetullus, being a demi-god himself, decided to create his own race of beings just to spite the Honkcenned, birthing the Mimefolk on the island of Mummerali, the site of being now near the present-dday city of Frieddough (formerly Baptisteaux B.S.J.) Pantomimetullus named these people after himself, Mimes, and formed an Empire, also named after himself; Mimetullus.
This "mempire" quickly took over the coast surrounding Mummerali on Clourdata, establishing colonial outposts. The Honkcenned watched this from afar, and let the Mimes do their work for now, for eventutally the Clowns would give them righteous retribution for the next few centuries.
At the same time, Clowns were creating an exquisite civilization of their own. Having a good head-start on most of their neighboring tribes and the gift of luck from the Honkcenned, the Clowns were able to rapidly expand and carve out a swath of territory from performerfolk around them. The first of which was the invasion of the southern Swordeaters, who were demanded heavy tributes from by the Clowns for their expansive cotton candy fields, a much needed source of food if any clemperial ambitions were to be realized.
The Swordeaters fell swiftly, as it is told in clore, due to the help of the Honkcenned. A great natural disaster hit the Swordeaters, a tornado striking their capital of Blad and killing their leader Cliquot instanteously. With a disjointed central command, the tribal Clarmy marched into their territory and brutally massacred them all. The Honkcenned had been communicating with them through the First Icon of the Honkfather, at the time the Clieftian/Chaman known as Barnabus Griggly. The Icon relayed the Honkcenned wanted the torture of a hundred surrendered enemies. 
Barnabus led two thousand clowntierbiums of elite Squeakyfeet soldiers, formed in clanlax postioning to the gates of Blad. They hid in the shrubbery, their armor clanging against eachother as they waited. Griggly knocked on the gates twice, and announced "Knock knock..." to which the emergency leader of the Swordeaters, Cavalier nervously replied "Who's there.." to which Barnabus confindently continued "Me... The clown leader.. We want to make peace." Cavalier sighed a breath of relief and opened the doors to the walled city.
6000 Squeakyfeet soldiers would storm the Swordeaters capital, stunning the remaining hundred soldiers in the city. Cavalier's opening of the doors was considered a surrender, and thus, the Honkcenned would be pleased with such a massacre. 25% of them were impaled on pikes, another 25% were forced to drink peanut oil until their innards dissolved, 45% were simply forced to eat multiple swords until their bodies resembled heavy bags of dirt and they choked to death. The remaining 5% were dangled off the fourteen-story walls of Blad and dropped just because it was funny.
This event is known as "Barnabus's Blad Triumph" and is considered a milestone in Clistory as this was both the origin of the Squeaky Shoes' name and peanuts usage as an explosive device. They were accidentally discovered to be insanely combustible upon a Clown accidentally spilling it on a Swallowers thigh and causing him to engulf in flame.
With the conquest of the Swordeaters, their remaining civilian population would be forced to conform to clultural lifestyle or perish under the watch of the Smiling Sentinels. The Sentinels were established shortly thereafter the invasion of the Swordeaters to mentor and oversee them into proper clownization.
Every man of the tribe was put into jailing groups, and then forced by the Sentinels to wear facepaint and other clown identification. Any Swordeaters even slightly resistant to the new clulture would be brought into a separate unit filled with other dissidents and forced to beat each other with clubs. Any resistance would be met with instant execution or torture. The clultural replacement efforts were a major success, and cemented the groundwork for modern funnification in todays Clan. 
When the Clowns encountered the Strongman tribe to the southwest after the initial pacification of the Swordeaters. Instead of engaging them in combat and risking many causalities for their advanced martial prowess, their leader, The Gama, was brought to the site of Blad, where rotten corpses had still laid for the last few years.
The Gama, although a lughead, was smart enough to know his tribe would meet the same fate if they resisted Clown rule, and thus capitulated right there and then. The Strongmen would be a loyal tributary, and to this day, even centuries after their extinction and absorbing into Clownia their likeness is still used in Clrenadier (Clown Grenadier) imagery, such as regimental flags.