Headhunters 5: The Thirsty Thirteen

==Introduction==
It may have been Al Snow's Fav Squad but it wasn't Glorio's. 
==In Memorium: Al Snow's Fav Squad==
Five weeks, two former champions down. 
The cracks started to show for Al Snow two weeks ago, when the normally strong team finished twelfth and had Latavius Murray on his bench nearly tripling the score of QB Mac Jones. The origins of his demise had already taken root. Murray was a late September add, replacing Jaleel McLaughlin. McLaughlin took over for the injured Javonte immediately after and broke 20 points in back-to-back games. Then, on September 29th, he traded away Joshua Dobbs for Khalil Herbert. A move, at the time, that seemed harmless. But Dobbs ended up with 42.05 against San Francisco that week and would, at the very least, not score -2.05 in week five. 
In week five the dream of repeating on top collapsed when players started dropping like heads from the guillotine. First it was newly acquired Khalil Herbert on Thursday night, bending in a way that was not doctor recommended. 
Then on Sunday it was first round pick Justin Jefferson, who had broken 149 in each of his first three games while catching 6+ balls in each of his first four games. On that field, the only thing broken was fantasy owners' hopes and dreams. Add in the subtraction for Mac Jones & the divided Patriots lockerroom and his problems began to multiply. Rhamondre Stevendone refused to be good at football and Hunter Henry wasn't even eligible to receive a participation trophy. Maybe in hindsight betting your life on the worst offense in football wasn't the best idea. I mean the guy even had Demario Douglas on his bench. Talk about an embarrassment of riches. There was so much talent on the Patriots he didn't know who to start!
Al Snow always likes to live on the edge when it comes to bidding. If it gets him eliminated, fine. But if he survives long enough than he has enough money to come over the top on just about anybody. But that day never came in 2023. Instead, he posted the single worse week in the history of the league. not a bad consolation prize! 
A trade that backfired. An add/drop that backfired. A lack of bidding that backfired. His back was on fire, and now he's back to the pits of hell for the remainder of 2023.
Al Snow's Fav Squad:
==Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)==
Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)
Team 	2023 Finish	2022 Finish	2021 Finish	2020 Finish	2019 Finish
Hasta Laviska Baby 	18th (-17) 	1st (+16) 	17th (-7) 	10th (+2) 	12th
Out of Luck 	17th (-13) 	4th (+-0) 	4th (+1) 	5th (+9) 	14th
Bobecue Chicken 	16th (-1) 	15th (-12) 	3rd (+14) 	17th (-10) 	7th
Jethro's Glorious Team	15th (+1) 	N/A 	16th (-7) 	9th (+7) 	16th
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	14th (+-0) 	14th (+2) 	19th (-6) 	3rd (-2) 	1st
Al Snow has now finished the same or worse in each passing season. 
==Dead Money==
Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.
Dead Money 2023
Dead Money	% of Total Eliminated Cash
$3,689 	74%
Al adds $931 clams to the pile.
==Top New Releases==
Another interesting week as yet again injuries plagued the team getting chopped. 
#Justin Jefferson
#Deebo Samuel
#Davante Adams
#Khalil Herbert
#Jerry Jeudy
==Week Five Bidding Results==
Week Five Bidding Results
Player 	Winning Team 	Winning Bid	Next Highest Bid
Tyreek Hill 	Extra Tight Ends 	$520 	$501 (What Hurts Moore?)
CeeDee Lamb 	deCaPitated 	$359 	$231 (Bad Boys II)
Ja'Marr Chase 	deCaPitated 	$359 	$276 (Headless Horsemen)
Joe Mixon 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$104 	$101 (Obi-Wan Mahomie)
Mike Evans 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$91 	$84 (RIP Diggs)
Alexander Mattison	Al Snows Fav Squad 	$69 	$66 (Jeff Probst' Tribe)
Gus Edwards 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$43 	$21 (deCaPitated)
Jameson Williams 	Henry VIII 	$31 	$11 (Obi-Wan Mahomie)
AJ Dillon 	The Guilloteam 	$15 	N/A
Kenny Pickett 	Müller Lite 	$7 	N/A
Jaleel McLaughlin 	Bad Boys II 	$7 	$1 (Obi-Wan Mahomie)
Jonnu Smith 	Headless Horsemen 	$2 	N/A
Desmond Ridder 	Headless Horsemen 	$2 	N/A
Washington Defense	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$1 	N/A
Dalton Kincaid 	Never Done This Before	$1 	N/A
Elijah Mitchell 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$1 	N/A
===Quick-Hit Thoughts===
*Last Year's Most Expensive Player: Kyler Murray - $549 (Out of Luck)
*Biggest Overpay: CeeDee Lamb ($128 over next highest bid - deCaPitated)
*Narrowest Margin of Bid Victory: Joe Mixon ($3 over next hight bid - Jeff Probst)
*Really happy Al Snow was able to sneak one 69 joke in there on his way out the door.
*This is the first time a single player has gone for over $500 twice in the same season (Tyreek).
*Considering Evans was on a bye, it is interesting that he went for far less than the other premiere WRs who were on the market. 
==Excessive Spend==
Excessive spend is anything over a single dollar more than the next highest bid for the player you won, and does not take into account the talent level or value of the player.
Excessive Spend
Team 	Excessive Spend
Never Done This Before	$412
deCaPitated 	$209
Headless Horsemen 	$202
Jethro's Glorious Team	$146
Bobecue Chicken 	$138
Henry VIII 	$125
Müller Lite 	$110
Tee Diggs my Chubb 	$88
What Hurts Moore? 	$76
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$74
Bad Boys II 	$54
Extra Tight Ends 	$36
The Guilloteam 	$31
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$24
Monty's Python 	$6
Al Snows Fav Squad 	$2
==Money Spent Per Week==
Money Spent Per Week
Week	Budget Spent 	Budget Spent (2022)	Budget Spent (2021)	Budget Spent (2020)	Budget Spent (2019)
2 	$2,315 (16 Players)	$1,560 (15 Players)	$9 (2 Players) 	$1,173 (12 Players)	$1,339 (7 Players)
3 	$1,423 (15 Players)	$1,160 (10 Players)	$1,283 (10 Players)	$1,033 (7 Players) 	$1,902 (15 Players)
4 	$1,256 (14 Players)	$1,475 (10 Players)	$657 (8 Players) 	$1,182 (11 Players)	$1,614 (11 Players)
5 	$1,612 (16 Players)	$1,740 (13 Players)	$1,376 (11 Players)	$181 (4 Players) 	$1,743 (14 Players)
A total of 61 players bid on through four rounds of bidding is insane. 
==Week Five Results==
Week Five Results
Finish (Last Week)	Player 	Total Points
1 (5) 	Extra Tight Ends (Keeling) 	264.57
2 (9) 	Müller Lite (Roger) 	251.52
3 (1) 	Monty's Python (Derek) 	243.10
4 (3) 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack (KVR) 	239.92
5 (8) 	Headless Horsemen (Andrew) 	215.60
6 (11) 	What Hurts Moore? (Coach Tebo) 	210.32
7 (14) 	deCaPitated (Chris P) 	201.64
8 (2) 	Never Done This Before (Scott) 	177.10
9 (7) 	The Guilloteam (Pat) 	167.34
10 (10) 	Obi-Wan Mahomie (Wolfe) 	154.90
11 (13) 	Jeff Probst' Tribe (Joe Cola) 	14101
12 (6) 	Henry VIII (Commish) 	139.26
13 (4) 	RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh (Nate)	138.70
14 (12) 	Al Snows Fav Squad (Zach) 	88.11
15 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	0
16 	Bobecue Chicken (Bob) 	0
17 	Out of Luck (Papa) 	0
18 	Hasta Laviska Baby (Jared) 	0
*Biggest Climber: Müller Lite/deCaPitated (^7)
*Biggest Faller: RIP Diggs (v9)
==Draft Dodgers==
Team Results Based on Draft Position
Draft Pick	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	ALIVE
2 	Extra Tight Ends 	ALIVE
3 	The Guilloteam 	ALIVE
4 	What Hurts Moore? 	ALIVE
5 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	5
6 	Henry VIII 	ALIVE
7 	Müller Lite 	ALIVE
8 	Never Done This Before 	ALIVE
9 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	ALIVE
10 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	4
11 	Monty's Python 	ALIVE
12 	Bobecue Chicken 	3
13 	Out of Luck 	2
14 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	1
15 	Headless Horsemen 	ALIVE
16 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	ALIVE
17 	Tee Diggs my Chubb for sure-oh	ALIVE
18 	deCaPitated 	ALIVE
The first top five pick to bite the dust & also the first WR/RB taken after three QBs and Travis Kelce. 
==Kings of the Castle==
===1. Extra Tight Ends===
Who says money can't buy happiness. ETE still only has one QB on the roster, but they gambled in the opening round of the draft and took Travis Kelce and that has paid off so far. He gained 10 points on the TE premium this week. Slap that together with the massive bid this week on Tyreek Hill and the combo net them 80.40 points. For those keeping score at home, Al Snow only scored 88.11 total points. ETE also pulled off a trade for Puka Nacua on 9/27 and so far that exchange for the 249th overall pick has paid off. 
===2. Müller Lite===
Every starter broke 10 points, even Tony Pollard who has looked absolutely terrible yet somehow is still averaging 4.2 per attempt. Curtis Samuel simply refuses to go away. Even Zach Wilson got in on the fun, reaching a whopping 75% of his projection which is progress! I can't troll Zach Wilson too much, he has secured 3rd place in the AFC East with his win this week, a feat that I don't think the Patriots are capable of for the rest of the season. Hopefully Müller is ready to drop some dough because these good times won't last beyond week 6 as things stand now. He has five starters plus his defense with week 7 byes. 
===3. Monty's Python===
Python continues to snake his way to the top, making Al Snow green with envy as he consistently breaks 200 without spending any FAAB. With Achane set to miss time, Raheem Mostert should get a bump, and David Monty has basically ran Jahmyr Gibbs into irrelevance. Even KJ Osborn got a bump this week with Jefferson set to miss a month or more. Everything is coming up Monty. 
===4. Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack===
Bad Boys is putting together his best season yet, and has his strongest roster to match. Now that Cooper Kupp has returned and Breece Hall has been taken off the leash, Bad Boys seems guaranteed to make his deepest run ever. The question remains: can he shore up his QB spots before the talent level of the other teams catch up to his? 
===5. Headless Horsemen===
Joe Burrow...back? It's really a mixed bag for Headless. Zack Moss may be losing his starting role to Jonathan Taylor, but when? He dropped 51.08 on the bench this week, while Taylor finished with 5.35 in the starting role. Who does Headless start in week six? Achane ran for 37.53 points but is now down for the count, and Aaron Jones is the only replacement on the bench. But Jones is on the bye in week six. WR help is coming, with Godwin and Metcalf returning to action, but there could be some urgency in the bidding period for HH. 
==On the Chopping Block==
===13. RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh===
This team can hardly afford another RIP in its name. Diggs is the only player worth his weight in FAAB, though both Perine and Warren beat their small projections in week five. Losing Anthony Richardson means sure-oh is rolling out the all-letdown team in Baker/Carr. They really need to get Tee Higgins back so that they don't need to play Rashit Bateman or Kadarius Phony. 
===12. Henry VIII===
Keeps spending money but literally nothing is happening. This has been the story of Commish through four plus seasons. It's around now that he gets chopped because he has yet to improve at any position since the game began. He needed one catch from Jayden Reed to move ahead of RIP Diggs in the standings this week and got it..AND THAT WAS IT. Their saving grace right now is a talented 1-2 punch at QB, and the boom potential of Addison/Garrett Wilson on any given week. 
===11. Jeff Probst' Tribe===
Survivng, but not thriving, Jeff Probst managed to escape without the Sun GAWD Amon-Ra, Keenan Allen, and Saquon Barkley. Getting all three back would be like winning big at auction but not having to spend any more money. This week, the injury is to Danny Dimes though, and losing a QB is a big hit. Still, being able to bench Tyler Allgeier, who has turned into Tyler Disappear, and Gus the Broken Down Bus Edwards, should boost this squad in the rankings. 
===10. Obi-Wan Mahomie===
I think having two Commanders, a Giant, a Titan, and a Cardinal on your starting roster is typically a recipe for mediocrity, and that's been proven by Obi's fringe bottom-five finish every week. But in this business, fringe bottom-five gets you the same as first place...until it chops your head off. Mahomes and Stafford anchor a pretty mundane team, but with potential. Sort of like a group of singers on the Voice who aren't professional but they have a lot of talent and you could maybe see one or two of them getting a hit single before fading again into obscurity. 
===9. The Guilloteam===
Guilly Lock is running his most conservative campaign to date, riding the success of the Josh Duo (Allen and Dobbs) and hoping the emergence of Tank Dell/Christian Watson is real. Watson and Dillon will go down this week, but Elijah Moore/Kenneth Walker will sub back in and on aggregate that's probably an upgrade? The Kyle Pitts experience remains as volatile as ever and it's only a matter of time before it bits him in the ass in the most awful way possible for a Falcons fan. 
==Average Scores of Eliminated Teams==
Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
Team 	Average Score	Weeks Played
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	181.30 	5
Jethro's Glorious Team	163.20 	4
Out of Luck 	160.68 	2
Bobecue Chicken 	140.44 	3
Hasta Laviska Baby 	97.49 	1
==Narrow Defeats==
Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:
Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
Team 	Margin of Defeat	Week Eliminated
Hasta Laviska Baby 	1.21 	1
Jethro's Glorious Team	4.13 	4
Out of Luck 	14.67 	2
Bobecue Chicken 	21.19 	3
Al Snow's Fav Squad 	50.59 	5
Not even close
==Rulers of the Kingdom==
2023 first place finishers:
Top Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Monty's Python 	228.65
2 	Extra Tight Ends 	227.45
3 	Headless Horsemen 	266.15
4 	Monty's Python (2) 	260.79
5 	Extra Tight Ends (2)	264.57
TEXT
==Dungeon Dwellers==
2023 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:
Low Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Extra Tight Ends 	98.70
2 	Never Done This Before 	150.50
3 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	124.83
4 	deCaPitated 	130.88
5 	RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	138.70
==Single Season Scoring Records==
As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here. Bolded lines indicate performances from the current season.
All-Time Single Season HH Point Records
Score 	Player 	Year
3,697.30	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2022
3,581.72	Beach McBungalow (Tee Diggs my Chubb)	2022
3428.76 	CP 	2019
3402.18 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2019
3363.88 	CP (deCaPitated) 	2022
3121.28 	Return of the Mac 	2021
3049.02 	Bobecue Chicken 	2021
3015.53 	Mixon Beer 	2020
3013.13 	Müller Lite 	2021
2997.67 	The Guilloteam 	2019
2980.07 	Last Coach Standing 	2020
2833.37 	Out of Luck 	2022
2743.25 	@FFDraftScott 	2020
2733.07 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2020
2709.59 	Mac 	2019
2677.20 	Out of Luck 	2021
2675.14 	Wildcat (no QBs no problem) 	2022
2620.18 	The Titanic 	2021
2614.60 	burrow for sure-oh 	2022
2438.96 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	2022
2422.98 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2019
2377.31 	The Guilloteam 	2020
2285.51 	CP 	2020
2282.91 	Out of Luck 	2020
2262.36 	Bad Boys 	2021
2233.57 	Soul Survivor (burrow for sure-oh) 	2021
2134.22 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2021
2046.35 	LIVEWithIt 	2019
2034.86 	Laser Rocket Arms 	2022
1941.63 	Bobecue Chicken 	2019
1939.02 	Beach McBungalow 	2021
1936.45 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2021
1862.19 	Henry VIII 	2022
1817.79 	Carole Pigskin 	2020
1749.51 	The Guilloteam 	2021
1736.99 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2019
1611.76 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2020
1512.91 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2020
1509.41 	CP 	2021
1483.70 	Last Coach Standing 	2021
1473.18 	Henry VIII 	2021
1439.40 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2020
1357.00 	Henry VIII 	2019
1351.99 	Muller Lite 	2022
1300.35 	The Guilloteam 	2022
1238.56 	Bluedevils 	2019
1182.09 	Mixon Beer with Liquor 	2021
1160.81 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2021
1132.61 	Henry VIII 	2020
1116.98 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2020
1055.63 	Mac 	2020
1049.89 	LIVEWithIt 	2020
991.57 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2021
975.59 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2019
906.48 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	2023
806.27 	Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	2022
768.10 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2021
717.82 	Out of Luck 	2019
713.12 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2020
708.44 	The Executioner 	2022
652.79 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	2023
544.55 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2021
489.42 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2022
481.22 	@FFDraftScott 	2019
459.96 	Bobecue Chicken 	2020
421.33 	Bobecue Chicken 	2023
324.28 	Bobecue Chicken 	2022
321.35 	Out of Luck 	2023
294.62 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2021
286.36 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2019
262.69 	Bad Boys 	2020
123.21 	CoachKnows 	2022
115.16 	Mixon Beer 	2019
97.49 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2023
96.56 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2020
==All-Time Combined Points Scored==
Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2023 season added to the total. Bolded lines indicate that the record has been updated through 2023.
All-Time Combined Points Records
Score 	Player 	Years Played	Per Season Avg.
10,587.56	deCaPitated 	4 	
8832.65 	Out of Luck 	5 	1766.53
8626.98 	Tee Diggs my Chubb 	4 	
8424.84 	The Guilloteam 	4 	
8075.70 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	5 	1,615.14
7879.51 	Never Done This Before 	4 	
7594.94 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	4 	
7201.35 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	5 	1440.27
6987.92 	Monty's Python 	4 	
6665.96 	burrow for sure-oh (defunct) 	3 	2221.98
6439.42 	Bad Boys 	4 	
6196.22 	Bobecue Chicken 	5 	1,239.24
6076.59 	Extra Tight Ends 	4 	
5824.98 	Henry VIII 	4 	
5186.35 	Neck-Fix and Chill (defunct) 	3 	1728.78
4586.98 	What Hurts Moore? 	3 	
4365.12 	Müller Lite 	2 	
3711.72 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	4 	927.93
1885.08 	Shotti's Bugatti (defunct) 	2 	942.54
1238.56 	Bluedevils (defunct) 	1 	1238.56
698.91 	Phillip's Team (defunct) 	1 	698.91
391.19 	Steve Blackman's Nun (defunct)	2 	195.60
==Remaining Budget==
Remaining Budget as of 10/10/23
Player 	Total Budget
The Guilloteam 	$954
Monty's Python 	$923
Müller Lite 	$822
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$809
Henry VIII 	$781
RIP Diggs my RIP for sure-oh	$768
What Hurts Moore? 	$699
Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	$510
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$431
Headless Horsemen 	$394
Extra Tight Ends 	$307
deCaPitated 	$282
Never Done This Before 	$24
Al Snows Fav Squad 	0
Jethro's Glorious Team 	0
Bobecue Chicken 	0
Out of Luck 	0
Hasta Laviska Baby 	0
==Conclusion==
Happy Hunting!