Destiny's Path: Chapter Thirty-Two

Theme: Five Finger Death Punch, Far From Home
I couldn't kill a child, what had I been thinking? I glared at the blade I held through tears. You can't even do the right thing when you should, just stab the little mutt in the back with your Honor Blade, your mother will live. . . No.
 
I whirled and fled, only slowing when I was sure I was alone. I walked like a woman in a dream, my mind drugged by the dull narcotic of emotional pain. I had nothing to live for, but I couldn't kill a child. I shivered, the frigid night wind slicing through my cropped platinum hair and gunmetal-gray military uniform like a kaleh.
 
The lyrics to an ancient Earth song were running through my head:
Another day in this carnival of souls
Another night settles in, as quickly as it goes
The memories are shadows, ink on the page
And I can't seem to find my way home
And it's almost like
Your heaven's trying everything
Your heaven's trying everything
To keep me out
I walked over onto the bridge spanning the Thal'Tharin River and the waterfall below. When I reached the middle, I stopped and gazed longingly over the stone parapet into the river beyond and the rushing falls, my shattered heart as cold as the rail I gripped, my thoughts as dark as the infinite depths of space above, focused solely on the dreaded seven letter word that, in Galactic Basic, started with an S and ended with an E. This wasn't an idle thought, it was one I'd had on and off all my life but never told to anyone. 
All the places I've been and things I've seen
A million stories that made up a million shattered dreams
The faces of people I'll never see again
And I can't seem to find my way home
Cause it's almost like
Your heaven's trying everything
To break me down
Cause it's almost like
Your heaven's trying everything
To keep me out
It would be so easy to end it all, so easy to slip unnoticed over the rail. I wouldn’t even have to really jump; just climb on to the strong railing, shift my weight toward the falls, and let go. Gravity would do the rest. Let go and fall, down, down into the murky depths of the river.
Cause it's almost like
Your heaven's trying everything
To break me down
Cause it's almost like
Your heaven's trying everything
Your heaven's trying everything
To break me down
I was a good swimmer, but no Rihan could possibly survive a drop from here. If I didn't die on impact or drown, the current and the rocks below the falls would do the job. Then, I knew, only then, would things be fixed for everyone else.
To break me down
To break me down
Your heaven's trying everything
Your heaven's trying everything
To break me down
My decision was set. Climbing up onto the rail, I straddled it. I closed my eyes and felt the wind and spray from the falls against my skin, mirroring my emotions. Cold, exactly how I felt inside.
"Celia?!" a horrified little voice behind me froze me in place.
I looked through a haze. . was it tears or water from the falls? I couldn't tell anymore, I think I was too numb to even cry by this point. 
The tiny mirror of myself wore civilian clothes, with a deep blue and emerald pin of the Imperial Raptor on the chest in the same spot where my uniform tunic's Raptor was silver. 
"I'm sorry I've been so much trouble and such a burden to everyone for my entire life, little one." I shifted my weight and allowed myself to slide closer to the drop.
"Commander, please don't. . ."
"Please, Sela, go back home, I don't want you to have this branded on your mind for the rest of your li-life." 
"Celia, ple-please. . ." The little girl's voice broke.
I dimly remembered being a heroine when I was little, saving an officer's life, but I'd never told anyone about it, even my father.I hadn't even made a log on it, but I could remember having done it. It had stayed with me for decades. . . why was it coming back to me now?
Please. . . do you have any friends or family members?"
I looked dejectedly at the little girl, then gazed at the water far below. It would be so easy. . . . I answered her truthfully. "No. They're all dead. It's my fault they're dead."
The little girl's voice was semi-calm. "I can understand why you're so upset. I'm half-human too. There are a lot of people out there who can help."
"I should have died instead of them. . . now I wish every minute of every day that I had." I swung my legs around so I was facing the falls.
"I'm here and I'm going to stay here. Please. . . Celia, I don't want you to jump. Your life matters. You're not alone. Please?"
I longed to just push myself off the edge but the terrified look on that little face and those words kept me frozen in place.
Both of us wept openly. "Please. . . Please, Celia, give me your hand . . ." 
Once I started crying, I found I couldn't stop. "I don't want to pull you over with me."
"Celia, please. . ."
Another being stepped slowly forward. I heard her voice. "Sela . . ."
"Help her, please!" the little girl begged frantically. "I don't want you to jump," she repeated. "You're not alone. Your life matters.
"Celia. . ."
"Kroiha!" the other person yelled in Rihan. I froze. The little girl reached and seized my wrist in a near-death grip. I stiffened, but didn't jerk away.
"Please, Celia, please.. ."
Category:Chapters of Destiny's Path