Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Greg's Funeral

Vice Principal Roy: We are gathered here today to say goodbye to a great man. Sure, he was very unlucky, and he vandalized the school with NEON GREEN PAPER SPLOTCHES!!! But he was a relatable person, he was a good student, and most importantly, he was our friend, and we will miss him dearly.
(Greg's casket gets lowered into the ground as funeral music plays. Flowers and all of his diaries were thrown onto it. Later at school, Rowley, Fregley, Holly, Chirag, Patty, Ruby, and some other kids were all sitting around a lunch table.)
Holly: Chirag, I told you to wash off your cheese touch! Now look what you've done, you've given it to Greg and he died thanks to it!
Chirag: How was I supposed to know the cheese touch would cause a blood clot, food poisoning, and total organ failure?!
Rowley: Guys, calm down. I invited Greg's brothers over to help with our blessing.
Rodrick: Hey, kids. Sorry we're late. Manny still won't let go of that stupid pig.
(Manny rides on his pet pig. It climbs up to the top of the table and Manny gets off, then starts to say a speech.)
Manny: I rememwer many moments with Bubby. I rememwer when he thwowed wock at big window and it bwoke, so I told mommy and daddy--
(All of a sudden, Nikki Maxwell from Dork Diaries bursts in.)
Nikki: HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S NIKKI!
Rowley: (gasp) Dork Diaries!
Patty: Hey you, get out of here! This is not your school!
Nikki: Oh, I think I'll stick around, thank you very much. Yes, you're right, I have been trying to make my diaries like Greg's, and I've been waiting for him to die so I could be the more popular one! and to make sure of that, I am going to expose all of your dark secrets to everyone!
Rodrick: You wouldn't dare do that, you bitch!
Nikki: What's the matter, Rodrick? Your brother's not here to protect you anymore. Tell me, what are your parents going to think when they found out you strangled another hooker?
(Rodrick makes a sad face.)
Rowley: Rodrick, you've brought shame to us all.
Nikki: You're no angel either, Rowley. Who do you think made you a happy and oh-so-go lucky person? What do you think happened to all those bullies, crabby neighbors, jocks, nerds, and neighborhood dogs that bark at and chase people?
Rowley: (pulls out his lucky rabbit's foot) They stopped bothering me thanks to my lucky rabbit's foot.
Nikki: WRONG! Greg secretly chopped them all up and hid them in your school's freezer to be served for lunch.
Chirag: Wait, our school lunch is made of....chopped-up bullies?!
Nikki: Well, that and chicken genitals.
Holly: You leave them alone!
Nikki: Oh, Holly, how's your daughter? Did you ever tell her who her real father was? Did you ever even tell Greg about her?
Holly's Daughter: Mommy?
Holly: Wait in the car, honey.
Holly's Daughter: Okay.
Nikki: And as for you, Fregley......let's just say you really enjoyed playing with kids, didn't you?
(Manny gives Fregley an angry glare, who shivers in horror.)
Nikki: Now with all the formalities out of the way, I am going to make Dork Diaries more popular than Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and things are gonna be a lot different around here! (laughs)
(A bomb crashes through the window and lands on the floor.)
Nikki: Huh? Oh, shit!
(Everyone is killed in a firey explosion. Outside the school, Nate Wright from Big Nate watches through an open car window with a smile on his face. He then rolls up the window.)
Category:Diary of a wimpy Kid parodies
Category:Diary of a Wimpy Kid Parodies
Category:Fan Fiction
Category:Fanfiction
Category:FanFiction
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Category:Stories that are rated PG-13