S05E19: Coffin Technicalities and Many Things

==Background==
The group painstakingly fought their way to the top of the tower - it almost felt like two months!We encountered the four horsemen, who were excited to fight us. We won, and they retreated into limbo.
We learned that Roreth was actually a Slaad, and that their boss is “He Who Sleeps”. We don’t know anything about him, other than that these enemies are threatening enough that our Director told us to make this the top priority.
==Session==
Group is gonna deal with downtime.
: DM: How does the group feel?Nissa: Pregnant
Nissa, who was magically Slaad-pregnant from a previous fight, took a trip to the Mages Guild, where she found a willing scientist to implant the Slaad into magical meat. Through copious research, it was determined it was possible to control a Slaad from a gem in their head and some ritual.
So they incubated the tadpole and out popped a crazy green Slaad that they totally had control over. But by then they had drawn a crowd so there was some attention on this, which got Nissa in trouble with PEMDAS. The case got thrown out in court, and long story short we now have Daals, the level 1 Slaad tadpole.
: DM: He looks cute, but I’ll point out he has already bitten several of you.
The rest of the group doesn’t really want to deal with Slaad birthing.  Fortunately, there are Drakesguard spellcasters that can heal us, for 80 gold each.
: Um: Seems kinda weird this isn’t covered by our healthcare plan.DM: You, uh, don’t have a healthcare plan. But you’re ridiculously rich.
Carlos continued to train his entire murder of crows, somehow not realizing they only stayed contained within Neverwinter. Kanye declares from now on, he might kill every untrained crow on sight so that Carlos’s crows may propagate outside the city. Carlos also took some improv classes to better convince people he’s a dog, which is the next level up from god.
Averlyth decided she was extremely unhappy with wild magic after the past couple missions so she decided to go back to the one place where magic was outlawed - back to Mulmaster. She reported to her church group letting them know what’s up. Then, in response to all the fire damage the group has taken lately, she was inspired to volunteer as an actual firefighter in Mulmaster.
Um checked on the distribution of the eyebright, to make sure it actually happened as planned.
Kanye had come into possession of a flaming sword, so he was predictably tuning it by practicing with it and doing the opposite of what Averlyth was doing - setting fires. Q grew increasingly distraught with Kanye’s attempts to reverse-engineer the magical weapon. Kanye also went into his blacksmithing workshop to create a better lute for Nissa - many of the attempts resulted in charred instruments.
After a week or two, everyone trickled back into base and debriefed with the Director. She’s very interested in what happened - especially in the fact that the horsemen were exiled, but not defeated. She lets us know that R&D is trying to figure out how to get us into limbo to finish the fight.
The group upgrades their bracers to level 5!
*Nissa: Director’s Shield
*Averlyth: Lightning Bolt
*Um: Command Zed
*Kanye: Command Zed + Lightning Bolt (He was off by one previously)
*Carlos: Sneaky Fucker
Q impatient waited while we were dicking around the catalogue.
Then we went back to the Director, who was talking to someone new - a small gnome, very well dressed (“dressed in wealth equivalent to the band fund”, as evaluated by Um’s thieves eyes immediately).
Nissa recognizes the sigil as belong to the Zephreeze(?), a currently wealthy family with a background in adventuring. The most notable member is the current head of the family… this guy.
The Director sees us and introduces him as the Cartophile, a long-time associate of the Drakeguard. He has come with a proposal that neatly aligns with our goals. The research department has been thinking about the challenge about how to get us to limbo without suffering negative effects.
Getting to that realm is already hard enough - once you get there, you then also have to deal with being in a place full of wild magic. In addition, the natives, such as the Slaad, would just murder you.
However, there was a gnome scholar and lead planar scientist, Qualish, that disappeared a long time ago while pursuing something related. At the time he disappeared, his group was questing for the city of… Doin Gloin. .... ..... ....
Nissa recalls that Doin Gloin is a famous lost city a la Eldarado. It is supposed to be a city full of rare magic, populated entirely by glass people. The scholar took an expedition to Doin Gloin, and the Cartophile has maps of their journey up until they got there.
He wants us to follow in their footsteps and acquire Qualish’s notes, letting us take any artifacts we may find that would help us get into limbo. All he wants is for his maps to be complete.
We are also required to take at least one of his group with him. Nissa vocalizes how offended she is for her cartography skills to be questioned “as an Atloc(?)” - he recognizes the name and appears chastised, but is still firm on us bringing someone along, while apologizing.
When we walk in to meet his group, we all notice something different:
*Nissa notices one of them is a Modron. It’s not Nordom. It looks younger, kinda childlike? It’s hard to tell what geometry he has. He doesn’t appear to be a monodrone, but he looks less complex than Nordom, who was a Quadrom. Nissa discretely pushes Daals farther back from it’s mortal enemy.
*Um notices a tiefling dressed in an outrageous manner. He’s carrying lute as well as a sword, has piercings and rings on his horns, he’s just covered in random bits of jewelry. It’s not like a coordinated well to-do thing, it’s an oddball mishmash of things that don’t match each other. The things appear to be magical and not decorative - the owner also appears to size up the room like a rogue.
*Kanye and Averlyth notice a mechanical conveyance, or what appears to be an enormous coffin on mechanical spider legs. It has a smoked glass panel on the front, like sunglasses. On the inside, there’s an incredibly surly looking dwarf with noticeably pale skin and long fangs. The coffin scuttles over to the side and just sits there. The dwarf is evidently not controlling the movement, and also very unhappy about it.
*Carlos notices a beautiful elvish women who hovers through the door. She’s dressed entirely in red, is wearing an ornate traveling gown. There are magical devices orbiting here, and she is accompanied by a black cat with glowing red eyes. In her hands are a deck of cards that she is constantly shuffling and fiddling with.
The Cartophile introduces everyone:
*The Modron is Gearbox! He is a monodrone that has been modified to have more capabilities, can respond to simple commands, has a lightbox, is interested in anything mechanical.
*The Tiefling is Gerrit Levvivsttaon?? He is every annoying theater kid we’ve ever known.  He’s a specialist in mapping, is knowledgeable about the area. Knows a lot of information about the barrier peaks. One of Nissa’s rings is already missing. She makes him give it back.​​​​​
**Um: If she noticed, he didn’t do a good job.
*The Coffin is Ctenmirr! The vampire hisses and refuses to address the group. He’s been active in the region by the barrier for many years. He’s working in the exchange for his eventual freedom. He has no ability to control his conveyance, but if he’s helpful he’ll be able to reduce some time on his sentence. He’s extremely logical about the area.
*The eldrin galadric warlock is Mary Greymalkin. She is a diviner, is knowledgeable about magic, and has also been operating in the area for a number of years.
[ Ctenmirr and Mary are being played by PCs this game]
Carlos votes that Kanye isn’t allowed to control the coffin during this quest. Kanye starts planning how to “enhance” the coffin.
Cartophile turns to the Director and goes: “These are the best you have?”
The group decides not to bring the theater kid, but we’re interested in Claptrap/Gearbox. It’s established that Kanye can’t modify him.
The Cartophile nods with our decision and hands to Nissa a copy of the map that shows Qualish’s expeditions to the barrier. He reveals his ancestor was on that expedition and that discovering what happened is his life’s work.
Before the Cartophile leaves, Kanye asks if there’s any way for him to test on the glass people’s material. He answers emphasizing the fact that no one has successfully gone to Doin Gloin.
Then Kanye asks how to open the coffin. Apparently there is a lever on the back with the sticky note that says “do not touch”.
Ctenmirr asks the Director, "These are the best you have?"
The Cartophile leaves the room with Gerrit, who flourishes obnoxiously.
Our group is now talking to a research assistant, who is hesitatingly telling us about an outlandish list of “facts”:
*The barrier peaks have been dammed since a ship crashed into it? Something that could navigate the very planes?
*Qualish never really existed? The inventor that went by that name was a construct by the goddess Oin, so we must first find a temple to her????
*There is a monastery somewhere in the barrier peaks? The followers don’t care much for piety, they are criminals. There are markings that point to their lair.
*The barrier peaks are unstable? The city of Doin Gloin was destroyed in an earthquake, there is no path now unless you go to the elemental realm of earth????
*Doin Gloin was found in the barrier peaks but it was deserted long ago? The few survivors earn a meager earning.?????
Nissa and Kanye have heard of earth - it sounds like towers of concrete, mechanical structures instead of magic, similar to what we experienced in the future.
When ready, the group teleports to an area close to the foothills of the barrier peaks. The map gives us a pretty good sense of where to go, but naturally we turn to Ctenmirr to tell us where we’re going.
Nissa holds a map up to Ctenmirr’s glass so he can identify where we are, then asks Um if he sees any markings near us of the aforementioned monastery criminals. He’s able to confirm the markings are pointing us the same way the vampire directed us.
Kanye tries to climb onto the coffin to ride it. Carlos sprays him with a water bottle.
The group wanders through the woods for awhile. The signs in thieves cant and Ctenmirr’s instructions remain aligned and we get to a good place to put up camp for the night.
By this point, no one has yet seen any signs that make us uncomfortable. All of the signs appear extremely aged, and everything appears safe.
: Kanye: How do you eat in there??? Whatever mechanism you use to eat, we can use to give you the ring.Ctenmirr: Once a day, the Cartophile uses the 11th lever to give me a goat.Kanye: We should try it.
The group decides not to ever let Kanye alone with the coffin. Carlos promises to take first watch with Kanye.
Kanye throws a signet ring into Mary’s orbit to ensure her identity.
While teaching Mary how to use the decoder ring, Kanye notices she never stops shuffling her “peculiar deck of cards” and questions her - it’s a deck of many things, where each card has a magical effect.
Kanye immediately draws a card. As usual, fortune smiles upon him - he’s able to cast any spell of 5th level or lower twice.
Kanye immediately goes to sleep, forgoing his watch.
Nissa asks Ctenmirr if he knew Count Tuten, the vampire librarian of the Black Library. He says all vampires know each other, and he vaguely remembered his son, Tueleven.
We wake up the next morning and fairly effortlessly proceed through the woods. Making use of the old notes and maps of Qualish’s failed expedition, the signs from the criminals of past, and the glowers of the vampire.
Then we go into a series of tunnels and caverns - Um notices quite clear symbols marking the direction we should take. Additionally, some of the markings denote the direction to a monastery of the distressed body, something something grandmaster.
He doesn’t actually tell us the details, just points “this way”.
After a couple of hours, we emerge onto a narrow cliff edge overlooking an impossibly deep, bowl-shaped valley. Floating before us is a flying rock with a series of odd structures, emerging from the rock. Further down the ledge, there’s a dock and a feline monstrosity with a female humanoid head - a regal sphinx. A matching dock floats across the island.
Kanye shows his scroll of pedigree to the sphinx. Woodhouse sounds some sad airhorns.
As the group approaches the dock, the sphinx appears to have suffered injuries to it’s head that were replaced with mechanical devices - the eyes are now glowing blue. Floating magical mechanical devices also surround it - Mary is very interested.
: Sphinx: If you wish to pass, ask me any question that I do not have the answer to.Nissa: Who killed my parents?
The Sphinx gives her the answer, and she knows immediately it is correct. She pays the toll of 1 intellect while distraught over the information.
The rest of the group spends an awful lot of time negotiating whether or not we’re giving up 
Averlyth draws a card from Mary's deck while the group is brainstorming how to get past - The Fool! She loses proficiency with medicine, and draws again - The Comet! If she single-handedly defeats the next monster, she can gain proficiency in one skill.
Carlos/Steve asks the DM to guess what his chinese astrological sign is. He gets to pass.
Kanye/Jarrod asks the DM to guess what he has in his pocket. He also gets to pass.
Averlyth asks “Who is He Who Sleeps and how do we kill him”. The Sphinx answered that he is an ancient evil, legendary dragon, he is the counterpart to the queen of the Drakeguard, they are lifelong enemies. There’s no vulnerability or magic weakness. She pays the toll of intelligence.
: Ctenmirr: 3 black swans land in a fjord at midnight. The littlest one says to the youngest one - beware the tricky fish. What am I?Sphinx: I genuinely have no idea.Ctenmirr: Would you like to pay the toll?
Ctenmirr passes. The rest of the group has no idea what the answer to the riddle was. He offers the answer if anyone pulls the lever.
Um asks the Sphinx how he died in the future according to the wiki and the Sphinx has no idea. (Apparently he killed himself.)
Before we leave, the Sphinx tries to make a deal with us - an ion stone if we bring something to them.
A ferry arrives at the dock - a flying skiff powered by whatever is keeping the island afloat. We all consensually get onboard and float to the island, where someone enthusiastically greets us for the use “our bodies and minds” might be for the grandmaster.
The buildings on the island don’t look like they were built by the same people that built the island, with the exception of an enormous tower, in a cathedral area that we’re being led to.
Mary and Ctenmirr notice there are some graffiti written in the language of infernal, spouting notes that the “doubtful will be punished”, and that the island may only be held up by the faithful. Kanye/Jarrod notice that parts of the metal have been melted and reworked into leering skulls. Averlyth notices strange wiring throughout the grounds, seeming to connect all the buildings together. The connections lead further into the island, past the cathedral. She also maybe saw a floating face? And then it seemed to pick up and flutter away, like a piece of paper caught in the wind...
We are taken into the tower, where hooded monks watch us get brought to the Grandmaster of the distressed body. He is a bone devil wearing patchwork and holding a scepter. He’s excited to see us, but then curses at the one who brought us for not having taken our weapons away.
With a word and a point, his bodyguards turn their weapons on him and melt him to the ground.