Rednecks and Broomsticks/Quotes

:Homer: I can't take it any more! (throws Bonk It out the window)
:Unknown Man: I can't take it anymore! (throws their Bonk It out the window, it lands in Maggie's grasp)
:Homer: D'oh!
----
:Homer: Oh, I hate traffic! The band and the phenomenon!
----
:Homer: (trying to push the brakes, locked by the broken Bonk) Oh, why do my actions have consequences?
----
:Cletus: You have the eloquence and sense of urgency of a census worker caught in a bear trap.
----
:(Lisa is trying to play Hide and Seek with Gummy Sue and Whitney Spuckler)
:Lisa: So, I'll hide, and you guys count to one hundred. (runs to the forest)
:Gummy Sue: One.
:Whitney: Two.
:Gummy Sue: Backwards "E".
:Whitney: One-legged triangle.
:Gummy Sue: Banana hot dog.
:Whitney: Double banana hot dog.
:Gummy Sue: 60 corncob two.
----
:Lisa: (lost in the woods) Why did I pick poetry class instead of Girl Scouts? Why did I pick poetry class instead of Girl Scouts?
----
:Lisa: I am interested in learning more about Wicca. Are you a minority group as defined by Ivy League admissions?
:Wiccan: Cornell and Dartmouth.
----
:Chief Wiggum: (after putting the Wiccans in the back of the squad car) I feel kinda sorry for them. Lou, toss them a Judy Blume novel.
:Lou: All we got is Wifey.
:Chief Wiggum: Really, nothing with kids in it? Damn budget cuts.
----
:Bart: Your honor, I'd like to enter something into the record.
:Judge Snyder: Strangely, I'll allow it.
:Bart: Ladies and gentlemen, I am a big dummy with a stupid job. I write down what other people say just like a big dummy would. Could the court reporter read that back?
:Court Reporter: "I am a big dummie with a stupid job"!? Hey!! (Bart giggles)
----
:Judge Snyder: In all my years of being a judge, I've never seen such a flimsy case.
:Chief Wiggum : Are you sure? Because we've brought you a lot of flimsy cases. Like that goat we accused of income tax evasion. I still think he was guilty.
----
:Ned: (about Lisa) Just as I feared, her Buddhism has led directly to witchcraft. (adjust his glasses and see a pentagram Lisa's computer) And she's teleconferencing the devil using that computer from Hell!!
:Rod: I think it says .
:Ned: We'll let the authorities sort that out! (calls the Witchcraft Advisory)
----
:Groundskeeper Willie: I have reconstructed the ultimate instrument of colonial justice: The ! If the alleged witches survive the dunking, they clearly were witches! If they drown, then they were clearly innocent.
:Skinner: After this it will be featured in the fifth grade play of the Crucible.
:Superintendent Chalmers: Good seats still available and by that I mean seats in the back where you can fall asleep.
----
:Marge: From now on the only witch in Lisa's life is which boy will marry her.
Category:Quotes