SCP-420-J

Item #: SCP-420-J
Object Class: Awesome!
Hey man, that’s not a real class! You gotta make it Safe or somethin'. —Dr. M████
Oh yeah, you’re right, man, it’s totally safe. —Dr. C████
Object Class: A-w2ess0omm/e!: Totally Safe
Special Containment Procedures: We keep it down in Room ███ in the basement of Building ██ at Site-██. The password is ███████.
What are you doin’, man? You can’t just tell everyone where we keep the ████, ‘cos then everyone’s gonna wanna come and get some. —Dr. M████
Hey, you can’t say ████ in the articles, man. Oh. Oh ████. —Dr. C████
Description: OK, so I got this stuff when we were down in Jamaica, really strong stuff, with lotsa blue and red mixed in it… good ████, man. Me and M████, we were smokin’ that stuff down there, with █████ and Skinny ████, when M████ says, he says to me, “Hey, man, we should take this stuff back and send it through… that… machine thing that changes things and makes things better.” And I said that was an excellent idea, and so we did.
Man, we tried it on Very Fine first, and whoa, we were laughin' for weeks. Sucks what happened to ███████████. Still funny as ████, though. —Dr. M████
So we get this really great ████ out of the machine, and me and M████ try it out, and we’re like, whoa, man, that is some excellent ████. But then we used it all up and didn’t have anything left but the seeds, and we figured we couldn’t just get rid of them, so we decided to plant them and grow them, and then M████ was like, “Hey, man, what about that dirt that makes ████ grow real fast?” And I said that was an excellent idea, so we went and got some dirt, and planted the seeds in it, and oh wow, man, that is some excellent ████.
----Experiment Log
Test OneWe should give some of this ████ to that… big lizard… thing. It'll totally mellow him. —Dr. C████
Yeah, man, but what if he gets the munchies? —Dr. M████Test TwoMan, I gave some of this ████ to Josie, and she chased her tail for, like, two hours. —Dr. C████Note: Animal testing of SCP-420-J is no longer allowed. Junior researcher R██████ has been identified in security footage, fleeing Site-██ in a stolen maintenance vehicle with an SCP-420-J affected canine. Further research pending.
-Director Jones
Test ThreeWe should totally give some of this ████ to Iris, man! —Dr. C████
Man, quit tryin' to get laid with that ████! —Dr. M████Test FourOh, man, let's give some of this ████ to oh what's his face… that kickass guy. —Dr. C████
How i^#$@%I say, gentlemen, your SCP-420-J certainly causes one to experience the most extraordinary of sensations. This, sirs, is indeed quite excellent ████.@&$%^do that? —Dr. M████Test FiveHey, man, what if we gave some of this ████ to that freaky statue thing? —Dr. C████
Why, man? He's, like, already stoned. —Dr. M████
----Disciplinary Review
Upon discovery of this extremely unprofessional behavior, all remaining samples of SCP-420-J have been confiscated.
- Dr. Clef
----Addendum
Can anyone tell me why Dr. Clef just walked in here demanding stir-fried noodles, pizza, corn chips, and dark chocolate? He was smiling too, what the fuck?
- Cafeteria Staff
----Addendum 2
Aw, ████, man, he even took the stash of seeds in my ████. —Dr. C████
'Salright, man, I know a guy in T██████. —Dr. M████
----Addendum 3
Where can I score some of this ████? —Dr. Fredericks
----Addendum 4
See also Extended SCP-420-J Experiment Log.
Category:SCP
Category:Joke
Category:MAN DATS SUM GOOD ASS SHIT