The Bodyswitch Arc

=== ACT 7 ACT 1: ===
Magic is real, as confirmed by Andrew Hussie who said so. (and the sentient fire that scrounged the town eating everything before jake and roxy arrive.) Jake and Roxy were willing to dabble in it. With no aim, really, I don't know what they were trying to achieve. Harry Potter magic? Wait am I hearing this from my source right? they were trying to do harry potter magic? wow ok they are losers.
They were having trouble learning magic, though, so they got the Front Facing Roxy to help. But uh oh accidentally, Jake and Roxy got their souls sucked out of their bodies and swapped into each others!! At first they didn't notice, but then Jake felt a sharp pain in his abdomen, that is not normal for Jake. They looked at each other and saw they were in each others bodies and started freaking out. They went back to Roxy's house to discuss things, and Jake learned about WOMEN ANATOMY TM where he was given a pill and some heat to stop the UNHOLY PAINS OF THE UTERUS TM. Roxy was worried about the penis she received and was very discomforted by it.
But )(-------EYYY Meenah's here!!! Does this make everything better? Nope! Jake tries to come off as Roxy to Meenah by repeating the phrase "I am Roxy." While Roxy plays along and says weird linguistics. Jake realizes Meenah is skeptical of their act, so he runs away and takes Roxy with him to the yellow house bathroom.
Meenah shows up while they're trying to discuss how to keep her fooled, and they look at her awkwardly as she busts through the door. Then Jake has a breakdown and falls on the floor crying his baby eyes out. Roxy can no longer keep the secret. She tells Meenah that she is not Jake, and is in fact Roxy. Jake is still sobbing on the floor. Meenah is appalled, but most importantly, she was tricked into being nice to Jake for like 2 minutes. Nice.
During Jake's breakdown, he is teleported into the Abyss. At first, he is in too much searing pain to look around and just accepts that he has been thrown into the abyss. But then, he sees it. The Red Chair. He is so excited that he races over to it and runs flat faced into the force field of plexiglass surrounding it on all sides. He sees that someone is sitting on the chair. The red chair starts talking to Jake through his mind while the others do who knows what. Jake finds out that the red chair has been sabotaged. The one called the eternal sitter hath sat upon its red surface and will not arise. Jake knows he must do something about this. He is teleported out of the abyss back to roxy's house, where he finishes up his conversation with the red chair telepathically, and also in a surge of hormonal anger beats up an innocent dave (later found out the dave was not innocent the dave was actually fang which automatically makes him not innocent :/ ). With grief for the red chair, Jake goes weeping around the house, while Roxy actually works her butt off finding a switcharoone back to their actual bodies. Jake goes on a sad walk to see the sharpie bath, and Roxy finds him telling him she knows the spell. Jake was in the middle of telling Meenah how his mother can't pee because she doesn't exist when Roxy excitedly runs up and performs the spell. some SWITCHENING TM happens and BOOM. With some Percy Jackson type stuffs Roxy was able to read and understand the gibberish to put them back in the right body. YIPPEE!!
With excitement, the gang rushes to the now working swings, celebrating in being in the correct body, and also trying to see who can swing the highest. Meenah and Jake get in another heated discussion, and they steal each others glasses/goggles. Meenah runs off with Jake's glasses, and Jake has to use his INNER WEEZER ABILITY to sense around and find her. Which he is still really bad at. Eventually, they have a face off at the hole, where they start FIGHTING!!!!! PHYSICALLY!!!!! But Jake goes still, like he isn't even there, and someone (AHEM AHEM IT WAS RAIDEN DAVE) takes this to their advantage and pushes him into the hole, killing him. Of course, no surprise that Jake died again, but this time....
He doesn't come back.
=== ACT 7 ACT 2: ===
The red chair is calling. The red chair loves you. The red chair is innocent.
Everyone is teleported to the abyss. There is a new face, the Robloxian Kalee. Front Facing Roxy, who has now been turned into a Robloxian, and Kalee bond with each other over being 3D. They go and stare at the red chair in its prison.
Roxy found the booze again. She broke after Jake died and didn't return. Meenah tries to comfort her, but guilt still lies on her conscious. Even though she thinks, no, KNOWS that jake is absolutely terrible, and feels that Roxy should not be feeling as bad as she is, she still feels guilty for how she treated Jake. She does try to reason with Roxy, though, asking her why she cares so much about him in the first place. Though Meenah is trying, I do not think her comforting is working. Jake is dead, we're all stuck in a solid white room with a chair in the middle, and Roxy is heaving her guts out over there.
On another note, Mutie, Fef, Kalee, and Front Facing Roxy are still discussing the red chair and its confinements. Kalee decided that the red chair and the "blue sitser" were having relationship problems. All of a sudden, the walls started changing color. The red chair and the eternal sitter started duking it out right there! Through the art... of turf war. Then it all stopped and went silent.
"Eddie baby I just saw Steve he is crying his eyes out with dusty there playing dnd" Fef said.
The egghead god and meenah poofed, leaving fef, mutie, ff roxy, kalee, roxy, dirk, and phineas the car there. stuck. in the abyss.
So they started doing karaoke. Some say being in that room for minutes is enough to drive a person insane. well, they may or may not have been in there for hours. bad egghead god. bad.
Roxy was not stable and was ready to leave, still upset about jake, so she punched a hole in the plexiglass forcefield surrounding the red chair and touched it, sending her back to Homestuck City through the form of death. Kalee decided this was a good idea, since they'd be stuck there anyways. Abyssstuck. She tries to convince Mutie and FFR to go, but they do not want to, so Kalee ragdolls on the spot and disappears. she did not touch the red chair for clarification.
All of a sudden... Jake is back! Roxy hears one of his silly phrases and comes running. She can't believe her eyes. There he is!!! My favorite white boy!!!! Jake is confused why she seems so sentimental, and Roxy informs him that he died and didn't come back. Jake says he doesn't remember dying. Roxy does not care because she is happy that Jake is alive and well.
They immediately go back to Roxy's house to celebrate. Roxy fixes them choco tacos. Robloxian Bro and Dave start doing highly inappropriate things to everyone, which Meenah finds funny. They sit at the table, but Dirk refuses to let Roxy sit in his seat, and forcing her to get up to sit in the broken chair. Dirk does not thank Roxy for the choco tacos, and stands on the table, which only Jake is allowed to do. Roxy is pacifistic to this, but Jake draws the line and SENDS HIM TO THE CORNER. Everyone is taken aback. Roxy stands in protest. Meenah shows up and immediately scolds Jake. Dirk is crying. Roxy says that Jake had no right to send Dirk to the corner even after all he'd done. Roxy helps Dirk out of the corner, but the strife is not over yet. Meenah sends Jake TO THE CORNER!!!!! Jake stomps over like a toddler and sits in the corner. Roxy is very disturbed by this and helps Jake out of the corner with the condition that Jake can not pull Meenah's hair out.
Roxy calls an emergency sleepover, and it wasn't an emergency. They all go to the very top floor of her house and listen to Revenge by CaptainSparklez. They decide to spice things up and play seven minutes in heaven. Roxy picks Jake and Ratuna first, where Jake falls down weeping onto Ratuna and crying about how he misses Mustard, who he has not seen since ACT 1 DAY 1. Ratuna says he is soaking wet from Jake's tears. Everyone misinterprets their speech which can be heard through the floor, so Dirk goes to check on them to see Jake on his knees hugging Ratuna and immediately leaves thinking something else is happening.
Ratuna picks Roxy next, and Jake picks Meenah. Meenah is very uncomfortable going into the closet with Roxy for some reason. She is sweating profusely. In the "closet" Meenah talks to Roxy about how she feels bad for being mean to Jake and putting him in the corner, and that she doesn't want Roxy to think less of her for it because she values Roxy as a friend. Roxy says its ok, but tells Meenah to apologize to Jake. Once back in the captainsparklez room, where Jake is making everyone watch Aphmau MyStreet season 1, Meenah walks up to Jake and apologizes. Jake is taken aback, but realizes that since Meenah apologized to him, that he would have to apologize to Dirk, which he did NOT want to do. Meenah is upset that Jake did not appreciate her apology, but Jake says he does he just doesn't like the standard she set. Meenah slaps him, and Jake reluctantly gets up to apologize to Dirk. He screams "I'M SORRY FOR PUTTING YOU IN THE CORNER," at him and gets on the table. Dirk says. "Ok." All is well.
Then John appears. what, what is he doing here? Dirk and Aradia get picked next and do not spend 7 minutes in heaven, more like 30. You can tell they are talking about my little pony. Kankri and Fef are arguing over who should have the ipad. John is... John is playing Ninja on the captainsparklez tv?? ok sleepover kinda fell off at the end.
=== ACT 7 ACT 3: ===
It's been a couple hours, but there are foreign faces showing up in Homestuck city in the late of night. They are discussing the art of roleplay, how meta. Karkat is narrating everything he sees, everyone wants to punt Karkat. It is chill in the really early morning of Homestuck City. The egghead god shows back up and apologizes for leaving everyone in the white box. They report that the red chair is gone from the abyss though, greatly disturbing John subbing in for Jake, eyes of Kalee behind his rectangualr glasses. Egghead god takes him to see, and in fact, the red chair is not there. They all go to the court to the the red chair has been FREED!!!! and is sitting in its usual court spot. John excitedly sits on the chair and is no longer sat upside down staring at John's derp face, but is upside down in the abyss!! He convinces everyone to sit on the chair and they have a circle in the abyss. The red chair shows you amazing things!!! This is true! True as weezer blue!
They all leave the abyss to go to Lesbian McDonald's where a face almost forgotten appears. Homophobic Dave is at it again, and this time, he is completely repelling lesbian mcdonalds with his homophobicness. A republican red square is put around him, and he has been giantified by his texanness. He proceeds to call everyone slurs and say oh so homophobic things as the batterwitch allows. He argues with everyone and says he is not gay. He loves women guys!!! just like tommyinnit!!! women enjoyer!! The only hot men to Dave strider is John Egbert and his dad! Caliborn confronts him and tells him that makes him gay. Dave says no. Caliborn says he can not condone this and that Dave is not an alpha male. Dave says he does not dream about john at night. Caliborn becomes homophobic with Dave.
Soon enough, dave has said all the homophobic things he can, and gets it out of his system. He just becomes GAY DAVE. Then he falls over and passes out from exhaustion, probably killing a couple people.The late late night in Homestuck City wages on. Who knows what's in store for us when the dabbing John sun peeks over the horizon once more?
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