Headhunters 5: The Sweet Sixteen

==Introduction==
This batch of criminals is proving to be the most corrupt and despicable of them all. Two weeks. Two choppings for two inactive players on two starting rosters. This makes Glorio's decision easy. Luck isn't the only thing Papa is out of. He's also out of heads! 
==In Memorium: Out of Luck ==
There is something tragic about Out of Luck finally staying up for an entire Headhunters draft, only for his team to get chopped earlier than ever before. It seemed like they had a lot going for them. After all, not every team has a star TE like Kittle. Not every team has two QBs to start. Not every team has Tyreek Hill. 
But things started off on the wrong foot, when Kenneth Gainwell was ruled out of TNF. By not swapping him out, Luck guaranteed the one thing he wouldn't be doing was GainingWell in the score column. With Glorio already pissed off, he had to hope for some good, ehem, LUCK, to bail him out. And that Luck came in the form of Never Done This Before starting the inactive Cam Akers. 
But Glorio can only chop one head a week (something he is very bitter about). And to maximize suffering, Glorio decided that Out of Luck - with his $1,000 remaining - should go this week, while Never Done This - with his pocket of spare change - would live to die another day. 
Out of Luck had trouble all the way up and down his roster. Dameon "Can't" Pierce "The Defensive Line" is proving to be an early round dud. Kittle came up Little. Michael Gallup looked more like Michael Slow Trot with 1.30 points. Darnell "Man on the" Mooney made like an astronaut and lifted off (to the lockerroom with an injury), finishing with a stat line that looked more like the diagram of a lunar orbit (0). 
And then you had Jimmy GarappoBlows, who somehow has the best per game stats of any QB who has ever played football according to the broadcasts that cover his games, but yet he only plays six games a year and of course this week he throws up a dud. 
It just wasn't meant to be this season, and after back-to-back-to-back top five finishes, Out of Luck suffers his first early exit since opening year in 2019. 
Out of Luck:
==Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)==
Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021 v 2022 v 2023)
Team 	2023 Finish	2022 Finish	2021 Finish	2020 Finish	2019 Finish
Hasta Laviska Baby	18th (-17) 	1st (+16) 	17th (-7) 	10th (+2) 	12th
Out of Luck 	17th (-13) 	4th (+-0) 	4th (+1) 	5th (+9) 	14th
==Dead Money==
Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.
Dead Money 2023
Dead Money	% of Total Eliminated Cash
$2,000 	100%
Grave robbers will have a field day with these two. 
==Top New Releases==
#Tyreek Hill
#Michael Pittman Jr.
#Daniel Jones
#George Kittle
#Kenneth Gainwell
==Week Two Bidding Results==
Week Two Bidding Results
Player 	Winning Team 	Winning Bid	Next Highest Bid
Joe Burrow 	Headless Horsemen 	$569 	$400 (Jethro's Glorious Team)
Jahmyr Gibbs 	Never Done This Before	$501 	$226 (Bobecue Chicken)
Mark Andrews 	Bobecue Chicken 	$339 	$250 (What Hurts Moore)
James Cook 	Bobecue Chicken 	$226 	$201 (Never Done This Before)
Tyler Allgeier 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$138 	$101 (Never Done This Before)
Justice Hill 	Never Done This Before	$101 	$22 (Henry VIII)
Terry McLaurin 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$81 	$78 (Müller Lite)
Evan Engram 	Henry VIII 	$77 	$25 (What Hurts Moore)
Kyler Murray 	Müller Lite 	$65 	$10 (What Hurts Moore)
AJ Dillon 	Jeff Probst Tribe 	$52 	$51 (Henry VIII)
Romeo Doubs 	What Hurts Moore 	$50 	$22 (Henry VIII)
Pittsburgh Defense 	Tee Diggs 	$37 	$3 (Headless Horsemen)
Miami Defense 	Headless Horsemen 	$30 	N/A
JuJu Smith-Schuster	Henry VIII 	$21 	$1 (Guilloteam)
Zach Wilson 	Müller Lite 	$14 	$1 (Bad Boys)
Zach Ertz 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$14 	N/A
===Quick-Hit Thoughts===
*Last Year's Most Expensive Player: Lamar Jackson ($489-deCaPitated)
*Biggest Overpay: Jahmyr Gibbs ($275 over next highest bid-Never Done This Before)
*Narrowest Margin of Bid Victory: AJ Dillon ($1 over next highest bid-Jeff Probst)
*Moore, Müller, and Jeff Probst all won bids for players on their respective fan favorite team. That's cute. 
*Commish learned the hard way not to bid on players you don't want because you may accidentally end up with them (JuJu).
*As is typical of a team in their first season, Headless Horsemen came out swinging. They spent 57% of their budget in the fifth-most expensive acquisition of all time, surpassing Neck-Fix's $563 spent on Zeke Elliot in week two of 2019 while falling just short of Monty's $625 on Zeke Elliot in week four 2020 & deCaPitated's $578 spent in week four of 2019 on Davante Adams. The biggest bid of all time remains a tie between week 6 2020 and week 6, 2021. Jethro's Glorious Team spent $700 on Tyreek Hill in 2020 and followed it up with the exact same bid for Travis Kelce a year later.
*Out of Luck had by far the most hilarious round of bidding. They put in one bid. Not on Joe Burrow. Not on Mark Andrews. Not on James Cook. Just one $8 bid for Tyler Allgeier.
*Never Done This Before has done it again. In 2021 they dropped $501 on Austin Ekeler, and now here we are two years later dropping $501 on Jahmyr Gibbs.
*$37 on a defense might be a ridiculous overpay, but they did drop 45 points. 
==Excessive Spend==
Bidding is not an exact science. But any excuse to have a new chart, I'm going to take it. So let's keep track of all the excessive spending by each team. 
Excessive spend is anything over a single dollar more than the next highest bid for the player you won, and does not take into account the talent level or value of the player. 
Excessive Spend
Team 	Excessive Spend
Never Done This Before	$352
Headless Horsemen 	$197
Bobecue Chicken 	$112
Henry VIII 	$70
Müller Lite 	$68
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$36
Tee Diggs my Chubb 	$33
What Hurts Moore? 	$27
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$16
Maybe Scotty really hasn't done this before!?
==Money Spent Per Week==
Headhunters continues to break records five years in. This week we broke the record for most money spent in a single week ($2,315). This breaks the previous record of $2,159 set in week 8 of 2021. 
Money Spent Per Week
Week	Budget Spent 	Budget Spent (2022)	Budget Spent (2021)	Budget Spent (2020)	Budget Spent (2019)
2 	$2,315 (16 Players)	$1560 (15 Players) 	$9 (2 Players) 	$1,173 (12 Players)	$1,339 (7 Players)
This was also the biggest week two in HH history, with nearly a thousand more spent than the year prior. 
==Week Two Results==
Really high scoring week, with five teams over 200 and a whopping seven teams between 170-180 points. 
Week Two Results
Finish (Last Week)	Player 	Total Points
1 (17) 	Extra Tight Ends (Keeling) 	227.45
2 (4) 	Al Snows Fav Squad (Zach) 	223.47
3 (10) 	What Hurts Moore? (Coach Tebo) 	217.10
4 (1) 	Monty's Python (Derek) 	202.20
5 (7) 	deCaPitated (Chris P) 	200.08
6 (2) 	Tee Diggs my RIP for sure-oh (Nate)	198.13
7 (3) 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack (KVR) 	191.47
8 (9) 	Jeff Probst' Tribe (Joe Cola) 	179.93
9 (16) 	The Guilloteam (Pat) 	179.83
10 (14) 	Henry VIII (Commish 	178.63
11 (6) 	Headless Horsemen (Andrew) 	175.41
12 (12) 	Bobecue Chicken (Bob) 	174.56
13 (13) 	Müller Lite (Roger) 	170.56
14 (11) 	Jethro's Glorious Team (Jethro) 	170.11
15 (8) 	Obi-Wan Mahomie (Wolfe) 	165.67
16 (15) 	Never Done This Before (Scott) 	150.50
17 (5) 	Out of Luck 	135.83
18 	Hasta Laviska Baby (Jared) 	0
*Biggest Climber: Extra Tight Ends (^16)
*Biggest Faller: Out of Luck (v12)
==Draft Dodgers==
Team Results Based on Draft Position
Draft Pick	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	ALIVE
2 	Extra Tight Ends 	ALIVE
3 	The Guilloteam 	ALIVE
4 	What Hurts Moore? 	ALIVE
5 	Al Snows Fav Squad 	ALIVE
6 	Henry VIII 	ALIVE
7 	Müller Lite 	ALIVE
8 	Never Done This Before 	ALIVE
9 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	ALIVE
10 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	ALIVE
11 	Monty's Python 	ALIVE
12 	Bobecue Chicken 	ALIVE
13 	Out of Luck 	2
14 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	1
15 	Headless Horsemen 	ALIVE
16 	Jeff Probst' Tribe 	ALIVE
17 	Tee Diggs my Chubb for sure-oh	ALIVE
18 	deCaPitated 	ALIVE
Two eliminations from the same section of the draft. Should Bobecue and Horsemen be worried?
==Kings of the Castle==
===1. Extra Tight Ends===
What a glow up! Second-to-last to first like you read about. I wish I could have a cousin like Kirky. Curious decision to roll with the abominable Toney in the Superflex instead of Cade Otton, whose 6 receptions could have made a huge difference in a close contest. 
===2. Al Snows Fav Squad===
Old name, old tricks. Al is at it again. He dominates with QBs Jordan Love/Mac Jones, a combination that somehow outscored Horsemen's Lawrence/Burrow stack. Jerry Jeudy was the only starter who did not break 15 points. 
===3. What Hurts Moore?===
Not much hurting this week, as Moore somehow has enough talent on his roster to bench Courtland Sutton and Romeo Dobbs while KVR is starting guys like Jake Funk. It remains to be seen how long Moore can last without another QB on the roster, but more guys are becoming available each week.
===4. Monty's Python ===
Easily would have finished in first place had they swapped Ekeler for Mostert, but Monty starting an injured player and still scoring 200 doesn't support the narrative so we're sweeping it under the rug. 
===5. deCaPitated===
The Robinson Boiz combined for over 66 points for CP, more than his QB combo of Watson and Stroud. RB depth is not an issue, but focus at WR and QB could be crucial over the next few weeks as the team has a ton of early byes. 
==On the Chopping Block==
===16. Never Done This Before===
Money doesn't buy happiness and apparently it doesn't buy you more than 155 points either. A huge day from the Geno/Lockett stack really bailed out a near disaster for Never Done This. Unfortunately, both of those players have week 5 off, so NDTB has some work to do if they want to survive. 
===15. Obi-Wan Mahomie===
The force was weak with this one. Despite a good showing from Stafford and Mahomes, Obi struggles with sub-projection performances from four players and his defense. At least he has Zach Ertz until his inevitable injury three weeks from now. 
===14. Jethro's Glorious Team===
You just know Jethro is getting ready to drop bank on Tyreek yet again, which should make this the nastiest WR corp in the league. Even without Tyreek, Jethro has the Glorious combo of Chase, CeeDee, and Mike Evans. Oh, and my guy Skyy Moore. Can't forget him. 
===13. Müller Lite===
Things were getting spooky Monday night before Bryce Young and Adam Thielen preventing the Lites from going off on Müller. Still, major question marks at TE and this team certainly can't survive long with Curtis Samuel as their WR2. 
===12. Bobecue Chicken===
Nathaniel Hackett is hard at work making sure that Breece Hall is completely underutilized, and Bob has also lost Barkley for the next three weeks. That puts them in a very tough situation early in the season, especially after they spent a ton of money to bring in Mark Andrew and James Cook. Luckily, both investments have already begun to pay off. 
==Average Scores of Eliminated Teams==
Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
Team 	Average Score	Weeks Played
Out of Luck 	160.68 	2
Hasta Laviska Baby	97.49 	1
==Narrow Defeats==
Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:
Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
Team 	Margin of Defeat	Week Eliminated
Hasta Laviska Baby	1.21 	1
Out of Luck 	14.67 	2
==Rulers of the Kingdom==
2023 first place finishers:
Top Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Monty's Python 	228.65
2 	Extra Tight Ends	227.45
Extra Tight Ends with a huge 61.08 over projection to launch themselves to the top.
==Dungeon Dwellers==
2023 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:
Low Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Extra Tight Ends 	98.70
2 	Never Done This Before	150.50
==Single Season Scoring Records==
As teams get eliminated, their single season performance will appear here. Bolded lines indicate performances from the current season.
All-Time Single Season HH Point Records
Score 	Player 	Year
3,697.30	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2022
3,581.72	Beach McBungalow (Tee Diggs my Chubb)	2022
3428.76 	CP 	2019
3402.18 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2019
3363.88 	CP (deCaPitated) 	2022
3121.28 	Return of the Mac 	2021
3049.02 	Bobecue Chicken 	2021
3015.53 	Mixon Beer 	2020
3013.13 	Müller Lite 	2021
2997.67 	The Guilloteam 	2019
2980.07 	Last Coach Standing 	2020
2833.37 	Out of Luck 	2022
2743.25 	@FFDraftScott 	2020
2733.07 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2020
2709.59 	Mac 	2019
2677.20 	Out of Luck 	2021
2675.14 	Wildcat (no QBs no problem) 	2022
2620.18 	The Titanic 	2021
2614.60 	burrow for sure-oh 	2022
2438.96 	Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack 	2022
2422.98 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2019
2377.31 	The Guilloteam 	2020
2285.51 	CP 	2020
2282.91 	Out of Luck 	2020
2262.36 	Bad Boys 	2021
2233.57 	Soul Survivor (burrow for sure-oh) 	2021
2134.22 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2021
2046.35 	LIVEWithIt 	2019
2034.86 	Laser Rocket Arms 	2022
1941.63 	Bobecue Chicken 	2019
1939.02 	Beach McBungalow 	2021
1936.45 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2021
1862.19 	Henry VIII 	2022
1817.79 	Carole Pigskin 	2020
1749.51 	The Guilloteam 	2021
1736.99 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2019
1611.76 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2020
1512.91 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2020
1509.41 	CP 	2021
1483.70 	Last Coach Standing 	2021
1473.18 	Henry VIII 	2021
1439.40 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2020
1357.00 	Henry VIII 	2019
1351.99 	Muller Lite 	2022
1300.35 	The Guilloteam 	2022
1238.56 	Bluedevils 	2019
1182.09 	Mixon Beer with Liquor 	2021
1160.81 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2021
1132.61 	Henry VIII 	2020
1116.98 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2020
1055.63 	Mac 	2020
1049.89 	LIVEWithIt 	2020
991.57 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2021
975.59 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2019
806.27 	Mixon It Up With Mahomie 	2022
768.10 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2021
717.82 	Out of Luck 	2019
713.12 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	2020
708.44 	The Executioner 	2022
544.55 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2021
489.42 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2022
481.22 	@FFDraftScott 	2019
459.96 	Bobecue Chicken 	2020
324.28 	Bobecue Chicken 	2022
321.35 	Out of Luck 	2023
294.62 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2021
286.36 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2019
262.69 	Bad Boys 	2020
123.21 	CoachKnows 	2022
115.16 	Mixon Beer 	2019
97.49 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2023
96.56 	Steve Blackman's Nun 	2020
By the grace of the tight-end premium, Hasta avoids becoming the worst team in Headhunters history.
==All-Time Combined Points Scored==
Same as above: eliminated teams will have their 2023 season added to the total. Bolded lines indicate that the record has been updated through 2023.
Out of Luck was one of several teams vying for the top spot in HH all-time points, but their early exit will likely plunge them out of the top three. 
All-Time Combined Points Records
Score 	Player 	Years Played	Per Season Avg.
10,587.56	deCaPitated 	4 	
8832.65 	Out of Luck 	5 	1766.53
8626.98 	Tee Diggs my Chubb 	4 	
8424.84 	The Guilloteam 	4 	
7879.51 	Never Done This Before 	4 	
7594.94 	Obi-Wan Mahomie 	4 	
7169.22 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	4 	
7201.35 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	5 	1440.27
6987.92 	Monty's Python 	4 	
6665.96 	burrow for sure-oh (defunct) 	3 	2221.98
6439.42 	Bad Boys 	4 	
6076.59 	Extra Tight Ends 	4 	
5824.98 	Henry VIII 	4 	
5774.89 	Bobecue Chicken 	4 	
5186.35 	Neck-Fix and Chill (defunct) 	3 	1728.78
4586.98 	What Hurts Moore? 	3 	
4365.12 	Müller Lite 	2 	
3058.93 	Jethro's Glorious Team 	3 	
1885.08 	Shotti's Bugatti (defunct) 	2 	942.54
1238.56 	Bluedevils (defunct) 	1 	1238.56
698.91 	Phillip's Team (defunct) 	1 	698.91
391.19 	Steve Blackman's Nun (defunct)	2 	195.60
==Remaining Budget==
Remaining Budget as of 09/19/23
Player 	Total Budget
Monty's Python 	$1000
Al Snows Fav Squad 	$1000
Bad Boys II - The Soundtrack	$1000
deCaPitated 	$1000
Extra Tight Ends 	$1000
Jethro's Glorious Team 	$1000
The Guilloteam 	$1000
Tee Diggs 	$963
What Hurts Moore? 	$950
Müller Lite 	$921
Obi-Wan Mahomie 	$905
Henry VIII 	$902
Jeff Probst' Tribe 	$810
Bobecue chicken 	$435
Headless Horsemen 	$401
Never Done This Before 	$398
Out of Luck 	0
Hasta Laviska Baby 	0
== Conclusion==
Happy Hunting!