Aaron Apocalypse/Transcript

This is the transcript to the 2008 film Aaron Apocalypse.
== Scene 1: Intro ==
*Lionsgate logo (2005-2012)*
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*Legendary Pictures logo (2006-2010)*
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*Regency Enterprises logo (1994-2016)*
*Marvel Knights logo (2008-)*
*5 seconds of a black screen*
LIONSGATE ENTERTAINMENT AND LEGENDARY PICTURES PRESENT
IN ASSOCIATION WITH REGENCY ENTERPRISES AND MARVEL KNIGHTS
AARON APOCALYPSE
*fades back to a black screen*
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Narrator: Long ago,
*A bolt of lightning crashes and makes a loud thunder sound, revealing a house*
Narrator: there was a little house in a cornfield near the forest. In that house lived three children: a boy named Judas, *shows Judas* a girl named Edna, *shows Edna* and a boy named Aaron, the youngest of the three. *shows Aaron* And his life in the little house was very bad. 
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== Scene 2: Aaron's Awful Life ==
*Aaron is walking down the hallway*
Edna: Hey Aaron!
Aaron: Yeah, sis?
Edna: You forgot to get your life today. Oh wait, you don't have one!
Aaron: Shut up!
Edna: No, you shut up!
Aaron: You shut up!
Edna: You shut u-
Judas: BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP RIGHT THIS INSTANT OR ELSE IT'S WHOOPING TIME!
Edna: Can you whoop Aaron? He's an asshole.
Judas: Okay! Time to whoop Aaron!
Edna: Yeah! Take that, Aaron!
*Judas kicks Aaron in the groin*
Aaron: Ow! *falls on the floor*
Judas: Right in the nut sack! My favorite! Take that, you little piece of shit!
Edna: Yeah! Aaron is a loser!
Aaron: I wish you guys realized that I was a good person.
Narration: Aaron didn't like living with 3 siblings. So he ran away.
== Scene 3: Aaron Runs Away ==
*sad music starts to play*
*Aaron runs downstairs to the door*
Aaron's Mom: Hi Aaron! Ready for bre- wait, where are you going?
Aaron: I'm leaving. For good.
Aaron's Mom: But why?
Aaron: Because I'm sick of being mistreated by my siblings.
Aaron's Mom: Well...
Aaron: Yeah?
Aaron's Mom: I'm gonna miss you, sweetie.
*Aaron stands in silence, then tears come out of his eyes*
Aaron: Me too.
*Aaron runs up to his mom, then hugs him*
*Aaron's Mom kisses him twice*
Aaron's Mom: You'll always be my son.
Aaron: And you'll always be my mom.
*they stop hugging*
Aaron's Mom: Goodbye.
Aaron: I wish I was treated better here.
Aaron's Mom: Well, sometimes, in life, you don't always get what you want.
*Aaron heads out the door and heads out to the forest*
Aaron (in head): I forgot to say thank you. I FORGOT TO SAY THANK YOU!
Aaron: THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*camera pans from far into the forest to the house*
*Aaron pants weakly, then cries*
*Aaron turns back to the forest and continues running*
== Scene 4: Present Day ==
*It cuts to present day as Aaron is driving in a car humming to Back in Black. Suddenly, a cannibal jumps up, and Aaron grabs a shotgun and shoots it.*
Aaron: Goddamn cannibals. Always wanting to eat people's flesh.
*He continues driving until he finds some sort of town*
Aaron: Well, look at that. I found civilization. Who am I gonna kill ne-
*car flips over and falls on the bottom*
*airbag pops out*
Aaron: Thank God I survived that.
*cuts to Aaron walking on the sidewalk*
*Ali runs near Aaron*
Aaron: What do you want?
Ali: Hi! I'm Ali. And I'm here to give you some important information!
Aaron: Whatever it is, it's wasting my time. Get out.
Ali: But... we can be partners in crime!
*The music stops and everyone stares at the sky*
Aaron: What the fuck is going on?
Ali: I don't know, but IT DOESN'T LOOK SO GOOD!
*a laser beam hits an apartment, causing it to topple down*
Stan Lee: Hey! That was my apartment!
*cuts back to Evil X*
Evil X: Alright! Time to destroy the city because... quick! Lemme think of the most generic movie villain trope! Oh YEAH! Because I'm EVIL!
Aaron: Seriously. That is the most OVERUSED excuse of all time. Because he's "evil". Seriously? Come on, man! Have a reason!
Evil X: Uhh... YOU! Wearing the Punisher shirt! W... with the switchblade! What is your NAME?
Aaron: Um, Aaron? What's it to you?
Evil X: You have disrespected me and my kind.
Aaron: What? The generic "evil" bullshit? So what?
Evil X: It means you shall be damned upon in the society of... you know what? I'll take over Frith another day.
*Evil X's machine turns around and walks back, causing him to step on cars and destroying them*
Aaron: I hate that guy already.
== Scene 5: Anya ==
Ali: That was incredible, Aaron! You REALLY talked him out of being evil!
Aaron: Really? My satirical side was incredible?
Ali: Yeah! I can't imagine how many fourth walls were broken!
Aaron: You DO realize you just broke some more, right?
Ali: Yup. My bad.
*cuts to a back alley*
*Anya is surrounded by criminals*
Anya: Okay criminals, you GOT me. Oh nooooooo. I am SOOOO scared right now. I think I might have actually... um, whatever. Go ahead and do your shit.
Aaron: They won't do your shit, but I will.
*Aaron leaps up and slashes every single criminal with his blade*
Anya: *in a suggestive voice* Oh! Who are you, handsome, strong gentlemen? *feels Aaron's arm*
Aaron: Believe me. I'm not strong. I was picked on when I was younger.
Anya: *in a suggestive voice* Oh, you poor thing!
Aaron: And I'm not a poor thing either. I just killed a bunch of people.
Ali: And will you please stop speaking in that voice?
Anya: FINE. I will stop speaking in my fake voice.
Aaron: Anyways, what's your name?
Anya: I'm Anya. You're Aaron, right?
Aaron: Yeah. That's me.
Anya: I've heard... interesting things about you before.
Aaron: What? About my shitty ass siblings?
Anya: Yeah. I feel bad for you.
Aaron: Well, I mean, it's fine, and I got over it and all, but... okay, you know what? I have NOT gone over it. *takes out his Blade* And I am NOT gonna let some random woman help get over my sorrow. *gets closer with blade pointing at her throat* Because my life story is FAR worse than any of your godawful sob stories, OKAY? *blade pointing right next to her throat*
Anya: Stop it! You're... gonna kill me! I almost had a heart attack.
Aaron: Get used to it. You're coming with us.
== Scene 6: Evil X & Evil Y ==
*cuts to Evil X & Evil Y's headquarters*
Evil X: Okay, we gotta load up on weapons now.
Evil Y: On it!
Evil X: Let's see... cynical behavior stopped us, so we gotta DO something to that Aaron kid.
Evil Y: Okay! What are the ideas?
Evil X: Um, we can... KILL his father!
Evil Y: Yay! Great idea!
Evil X: Now let's get a move on!
Evil Y: Wait! Let's stalk on him first.
Evil X: Ooooooooooooooooooooh! Great idea!
*Evil X and Evil Y hack into the traffic cams and see his car driving*
Evil Y: Now zoom in.
*zooms in*
Evil X: THAT'S HIM! WE GOT HIM! YES! YESSSSSSSS!
Evil Y: But how are we gonna take him down?
Evil X: I know EXACTLY how...
*fades to next scene*
== Scene 7: Sad, Sad Times ==
*shows a city view of Frith*
Ali: So what's it like being a hero?
*camera cuts to Aaron, Ali and Anya*
Aaron: Hero? What? I ain't no hero!
Anya: Well, you just saved an entire city, handsome- I mean glorious- I mean, (in a suggestive voice) hero.
Aaron: Still ain't no hero! But... how do you become one?
Ali: Ha ha! Look! This dumbass is asking about how to become a hero when he already IS one!
Anya: That's not nice, Ali! Apologize! 
Aaron: Here we go.
Ali: Sorry, Aaron. Didn't know dipshits like you were so sensitive.
Aaron: THAT'S IT! *gets out his blade* Looks like we're having sliced Ali for dinner.
Ali: Whoa, man! Stop!
Anya: Yeah, Aaron. It was just a joke.
Aaron: Then why did you act like it wasn't?
Anya: Because... BECAUSE I WAS FROM AN ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD!
*Aaron and Ali stop*
Aaron: You were... what?
*Sad music starts to play*
Anya: I was from an abusive household.
*The camera moves to the right to a building where everything is black, then moves right even more to a house where Anya grew up*
Anya (narrating): I was beaten up and bullied by my older siblings.
*cuts to Anya's bigger brother and Anya when she was younger*
Anya's Brother: Want me to rip apart Mr. Stuffy?
Anya (younger and crying): No! Don't rip him apart!
Anya's Brother: Well, TOO LATE! *rips apart Anya's teddy bear*
*Anya is screaming and crying at the same time*
Anya (narration): I got so mad I wanted to run away from all this hatred and sorrow.
*The flashback stops*
Anya: But earlier today, I found you, Aaron. And you showed massive heroism to the criminals trying to steal my purse.
Aaron: Yeah, but can I add to that?
Anya: What?
Aaron: I was... bullied by my siblings too when I was younger.
*Shows younger Aaron being beat up by Judas*
Aaron (narration): I will never forget the time where my older brother, Judas, was beating me up.
*Shows Younger Aaron running away*
Aaron (narration): Like you, I wanted to run away. So I did exactly that. But even though I had a piss poor life in my place, I really missed my mother and father.
Aaron's Mom (in flashback): You'll always be my son.
*Flashback ends*
Anya: I... I'm really sorry, Aaron. I just...
Aaron: It's OK.
*Anya puts her hand on Aaron's shoulder*
*Sad music ends*
Ali: If you two can stop telling your sob stories, we have a team to set up.
== Scene 8: Assembling the Team ==
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