Smashtasm - Episode 3 (Part 2)/Transcript

(Logo appears saying "Machinima.com Original") 
(Scene opens with 1337f0x and Lamp inside the cage, both in dark costumes) 
1337f0x: Alright, I think he’s coming back. Do it just like we planned. 
Lamp: In bed. 
1337f0x: Stop it! 
(The Dark Pit guard is seen returning towards 1337f0x and Lamp’s cell) 
1337f0x: Hey guard! Uh, help! We got trapped in here somehow. Can you let us out? 
Dark Pit guard: What the- Who are you guys?! 
1337f0x: Don’t you recognize me? I’m uh, Gront. Ha ha ha! Look at me! I’m gay! Takkie takkie takkie too! 
Dark Pit guard: Oh, that’s right. Wait, who’s the other guy? 
Lamp: Oh, I’m, uh, Lump? People wear shoes. 
Dark Pit guard: Ah, it’s great that we have a comical foil like Lamp to rival the other guys. They’ll never see it coming. (laughs and then jumps towards the cell) Here, let me get you guys out of there! 
(Scene shifts to 1337f0x and Lamp escaping the base) 
1337f0x: I can’t believe it worked! 
Lamp: Lump! 
(Screen shows Link trapped inside a cell) 
Link: Hey! Help! Help! 
1337f0x: Link? 
(The sign says, “Username: Link”.) 
Narrator: This is Link. He thinks that he’s the real Link from the game. But he’s not. It’s kinda stupid if you ask me. Oh, but you never ask me. We never talk anymore! You’re always with him now! You don’t deserve me! 
Lamp: In bed. 
Narrator: WHO SAID THAAAT?!?! 
Link: Oh, thank the gods! (sees 1337f0x and Lamp) 1337f0x, is that you? Oh no, you’re evil now! Woe is me! 
1337f0x: No no. This is just a disguise. Come on, I’ll get you out of there! 
Link: Ah, I get it! Taking on the guise of the enemy. Very clever! I remember when I had to do that once! (Flashback begins but suddenly ends) Actually, I don’t. But it doesn’t matter anymore, because I am free! Yippee! (Runs and jumps off the platform) 
Lamp: Yippee! 
Link: Yippee! 
Lamp: Yippee! 
(short pause) 
Link: Yippee! 
Lamp: You may have won the war, but that battle is just beginning! You know what they say: “Quality over quantity”! 
1337f0x: Alright, let’s escape before someone finds us. 
(Girem6 appears behind 1337f0x) 
Girem6: Can’t let you do that, 1337f0x. 
1337f0x: Oh nose! 
Girem6: Pretty sneaky of you, 1337f0x. I’ll admit, you’re good but I’m better! 
1337f0x: No, please! Don’t send us back to the-(Scene shifts to 1337f0x and Lamp back in their cell) Well, it almost worked. 
Lamp: In bed. 
(Link is seen below the cell) 
Link: Don’t worry, friends! I’ll send help! For I am Link! The Hero of Ti- (a shiny nut flies past Link) Ooo! Shiny flying nut! 
(Camera pans out to revel Girem6’s monitor) 
Girem6: I better send someone to deal with him. He’s not worth my- 
Gront: (offscreen) Hey, this is boring. Alan, can you change the channel? 
Alan: (offscreen) Rawr, can I change the channel, boss? 
Girem6: No. 
Alan: (offscreen) Rawr, I’m doing it anyway. 
(Monitor changes to a different channel) 
Announcer: Welcome back to “I Got It! Brawl On Tape!” Where we show you the replays these players didn’t want you to see! Our first replay was sent in from Server 33B! 
Grant: Hey! That’s our server! How did they find it?! 
(Monitor shows Girem6 admiring a dancing Jigglypuff) 
Girem6: (on monitor) Yes! Yes, dance! Dance some more; you’re so cute how your dancing amuses me so! Oh, I love you! You big ball of magic of life! 
Girem6: Who did this?! Who the hell did this?! 
Announcer: This replay was courtesy of Girem6’s good buddy, Grant! 
Grant: WHAT?! 
Girem6: I will KILL you! 
Grant: Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! It wasn’t me! 
(Gront appears on the left platform) 
Gront: Oh, come on, boss. Do you really think that Grant’s capable of this sort of thing? 
Grant: Yeah, exactly! 
Gront: I mean, he can barely operate a VCR. Much less do something with this much technical expertise. 
Grant: Uh, yeah. 
Gront: He couldn’t even set up his own Wii, even! He had to call the Nintendo Technical Help line fifty times! In four different languages! 
Grant: Okay, Gront. He’s got the point. You can stop helping now. 
Gront: Well, I heard from a reliable source that Grant’s so stupid, that when he shakes his head, you can hear the ocean! 
(Grant grabs Gront) 
Grant: Alright, that’s enough! Listen here, pea-brain! The phrase is: When he shakes his head, you can hear rattling! (Grant lets go of Gront) And even though I didn’t do it, I could totally have pulled this off! 
Gront: On, really? 
Grant: Yeah, really! 
Gront: Then, where would have filmed this? 
Grant: Ha, easy! It’s obviously set in that room next to the boxes filled with the industrial strength hand lotions! 
Gront: And, how would you have downloaded this footage? 
Grant: I have an 8 gigabyte SD card for just the occasion! And before you ask, I would have used a video editor to pick up the most embarrassing footage! Causing it to reverse or loop endlessly while playing some random sound byte from a famous movie and or TV show to enhance the hilarity! 
Gront: Wow, Grant! That’s awfully well thought-out! I’m sorry that I ever doubted that you were fully capable of pulling this off. 
Grant: Ha! Let that be a lesson to you! Underestimate me and--(notices Girem6 angrily glaring at him) and I get the feeling all of that was entirely the wrong thing to say. 
(Girem6 roars in anger)
Grant: WHY IS THIS ALWAYS HAPPENING TO ME?! OHOHOHOHO?!?! 
(Grant runs off with Girem6 chasing after him) 
Announcer: Oh, my apologies! I’ve mispronounced the name. Gront, not Grant. So sorry! Well, on to our next replay! 
(Monitor turns off while Grant screams offscreen) 
Alan: Wow, so you sent in the tape? 
Gront: Yep. 
Alan: Pretty clever you, aye? 
Gront: I know. 
Alan: Yup. 
Gront: Yeah. 
Alan: Uh-huh. 
Gront: Yup. 
Alan: Right. 
Gront: Hm. 
Gront and Alan: Cholesterol! 
Gront: So hey; eh, you want to hang out sometime? 
Alan: Rawr, you know I do! 
(Grant and Alan leave toward the left side of the screen and the camera pans upward) 
Narrator: Alright, so what will become of Super64 and his newfound friend? Will Link ever send help for Lamp and 1337f0x? And, what the hell happened just now? I guess we’ll all find out next time on the next episode of Smashtasm. 
(Credits roll) 
Lamp: Hey, hiya there, kids! Once again it’s time for ask Lamp! Hazah! Alrighty Question 1, Ben from Canada asks, “Dear Lamp, why did you create an email account for people to ask questions, aye?” (laughs) You’re from Canada! Next question. SonicPacker from California asks: “Dear Lamp, how much of the alphabet do you know?” Well, I don’t know the alphabet personally, but I do know his friend-that is-if the alphabet HAD any friends, which he doesn’t! Loser! I hope that answered your question. Richie from Georgie asks: “Dear Lamp, don’t you think Jiggly will DESTROY YOU for stealing his idea?” I have no clue what you’re talking about! Um, uh that’s all the time we have! Bye! 
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