Phineas and Ferb: Star Wars Alternate HISHE

==Transcript==
With his evil brother distracted by that Stormtrooper girl with red hair, Phineas charged for the Sith-Inator. Darth Ferb noticed and leapt to block his way, causing Phineas to stumble backwards onto his backside. Candace, realizing she still had the socks in her pouch, stuffed them with the blocks of rubble littering the floor.
"Ferb, please, stop!" Phineas held up his hands, pleading.
Just as Ferb was preparing to strike, he was hit by a very hard sock. Then another.
"Now I really wish I'd bought the three-pack," cringed Candace, who was now out of ammunition.
Seizing his opportunity, Phineas hurled his crumpled lightsaber over Ferb's head.
Ferb, realizing what he had done, stretched out a hand. "Nice try!" The lightsaber pulled to a stop in midair, hovering just inches above the Self-Destruct-Port. Ferb flicked his wrist, and the lightsaber flew harmlessly across the room.
"Oh, yeah, I forgot you could use the Force," Phineas gulped.
"Now, you will all join me on the Dark Side!"
"Yay, just what I wanted!" Darthenshmirtz cheered, despite being encased in Carbonite.
"Except that guy," Ferb added.
"Aww," Darthenshmirtz groaned.
How Phineas and Ferb: Star Wars Should Have Ended
Princess Leia inserted the Death Star plans into R2-D2's blue slot. "Agent P," she said, placing a hand on her trusted agent's shoulder, "I need you to make sure this R2 unit goes to Obi-Wan Kenobi on Tatooine." She bent down to make sure R2 was ready. "But first, I need to record a video message. Be a dear, and stand over there behind the bulkhead—you're kinda in my shot."
Agent P stood there, just looking at the princess.
"You're—not moving," Leia observed. "What is it, Agent P?"
He pointed at R2, a dubious look on his face.
"Yes, R2 is delivering the Death Star plans." Upon seeing the questioning look Perry gave, she elaborated. "Because only R2 can playback my message—you don't have a hologram projector."
The rebel platypus pulled back his sleeve, and Major Hologram shined up out of his wristwatch to greet them. "Oh, hello, Princess," the Major said. "I see Agent P has delivered the plans for the—." He covered the projection back up, cutting off the Major's last words.
"Oh, I guess you do have a hologram projector…" Leia, now less certain of herself, tried, "but, I still need R2 to do this. If they detect no life forms on it, maybe the Star Destroyer won't shoot down the escape pod."
The astromech droid beeped and whistled noisily.
"Yeah," Princess Leia agreed, "I don't think the Empire would really be that stupid, either."
In a cutaway, an imperial gunner and his commander watched an escape pod fly past the window. "Hold your fire," ordered the commander. "There are no life forms on board; it must have short-circuited."
Inside the escape pod, a trio of bugs named Napoleon, Floyd, and Wendell were unlucky enough to have been accidentally ejected into space while trying to establish contact with the Rebellion. As they screamed and banged at the windows of the escape pod, nobody in the galaxy was the slightest bit aware or concerned.
Back aboard the ship, Leia continued to rationalize her choice to send the droid to Tatooine. "Oh, don't be a sour pus, Agent P," said she. "R2 may not have any way of protecting himself, he may be slow and clunky, and his electrical wiring might fry in the hot, sandy desert, but I have my full confidence that he can complete the mission. A-and I know that it may seem counter-productive to have you follow him at a distance, not really doing anything, but these are desperate times. This is our last hope."
Agent P facepalmed. Leia turned to face R2-D2, stretching out her hand to start the recording. "Now, was his name Obi-Wan or Ben Kenobi? I can never remember..."
...FFWD HISHE STORY...
"And I'm feelin' so low…" Vanessa the Twi'lek sang her sad song as Phineas and Ferb slipped into the booth across from Isabella.
"Oh great," said the young pilot, discreetly unstrapping her blaster holster while pretending to pick at the stubble on the wall behind her. "What do you farmboys want?"
"I'm Phineas, and this is my brother, Ferb. We understand you're a pretty good pilot."
"For a price," Isabella said, doubting that two farmboys had much money.
"Well," Phineas began, wondering how much information he could trust this smuggler with. "We have a very—important disc we need to get to someone who just blasted out of Docking Bay 94."
"I know whose ship that is," Isabella growled.
"Whose?"
Isabella squinted her eyes in disgust. "Han Solo."
"So lo-ow," Vanessa could still be heard singing in the background.
"Solo's been a thorn in my side for years," Isabella explained. "My ship, the Centennial Chihuahua, was on pace to finish the Kessel Run in eleven parsecs, and that nerf herder cut me off!"
"I'm feeling so low!"
"Everybody loves Solo," ranted Isabella, hardly noticing Vanessa's rising pitch. "Twelve parsecs—if I ever hear his name again, I'll just—!"
"So low! So low!" Isabella just paused to take notice of the lyrics. "So lo-ow! So low!"
"Would you two just excuse me?" she requested, quickly pulling out her blaster.
PEW!
A groan was heard off-screen, the singing instantly silenced. Isabella smirked and returned her blaster to her waist. "Well, we should probably—what's the matter with your brother?" she asked.
Phineas turned and looked at Ferb, who was suddenly covered in red and black face paint. His hair was also tousled upwards in a few menacing spikes.
"Anger—growing," Ferb strained. "Rage—building—Dark side—taking—over…. Rahhh!" Ferb flipped over the table and levelled his Sith-red lightsaber at Isabella. "Don't touch my Vanessa!"
"Yeah," Vanessa added, rising from her cowering position next to her disintegrated microphone. "And for the record, you shot first!"
...FFWD HISHE STORY...
"This is not a friend-ship, it's a space-ship! So don't invade mine!" Isabella stormed back to the cockpit.
"What do you think, Ferb?" asked Phineas. "A girl like her and a guy like me?"
Ferb glanced at the cockpit, then back at his brother. "No way, bro!" he answered, animated. "She's been nothing but mean since we met her, and you're nicest guy in the galaxy!" he exclaimed. "You don't stand a bantha's chance in the Sarlacc's stomach!"
Phineas was mildly stunned by this reaction. "Wow, you sure are talking a lot more than usual."
"Just wait until later," Ferb replied. "I'll be talking even more."
...FFWD HISHE STORY...
"Aha!" Darthenshmirtz declared. "Look, Norm! You see, you put a big, red X on the floor, people will stand on it."
Admiral Ackbar appeared just before Perry fell into the pit. "IT'S A TRAP!"
...FFWD HISHE STORY...
"I found this," Darth Ferb-Maul said, "the Sith-Inator. Join me on the Dark Side, brother."
The red-head's cheeks puffed full of air in amusement. "Pffff—ha ha ha ha!" Phineas chortled at the silliness of it all.
"What's so funny?" asked Ferb.
"You!" answered Phineas. "You hardly ever talk, Darth Maul never talks, but when you combine the two, apparently you talk a lot!"
"Don't laugh at me!" Ferb disappeared, but was still heard crying in the background. "I'm trying really hard to be evil!"
...FFWD HISHE STORY...
"C'mon, let's get off this battle station," Candace suggested urgently.
"But we don't have a ship!" Phineas protested.
"I know where there's a bus pod," answered Candace.
Phineas turned to his old pet as he followed the Stormtrooper. "Perry, great work! Hey, don't be a stranger!"
Perry whistled with two fingers and pointed over his shoulder.
"Oh, you have a ship? Great, why don't we just hitch a ride with you?"
The platypus nodded.
"C'mon, let's go with Perry!" Phineas said, pulling Candace and the others in the opposite direction.
Meanwhile, Isabella was searching the empty hallways of the Death Star. "Farmboys?" she called. "Hey, farmboys! Where are you? I overrode all my previous lifestyle choices to come back for you, don't make me regret my decision!"
Outside, Luke Skywalker's X-Wing delivered a direct hit to the exhaust port with his torpedo. Isabella slumped over at the sight. "Aw, crud..."
Thanks for reading! I don't own Phineas and Ferb, Star Wars, Phineas and Ferb Star Wars, HISHE, or How Star Wars Episode IV Should Have Ended. If you liked, be sure to review, favorite, and/or follow!
At the checkout stand, Candace waited impatiently for the store clerk to swipe the socks.
"Say, aren't you a little short to be a Stormtrooper?" asked the register attendant.
"No, no I'm not!" Candace flared, pointing a menacing finger. "Shut up, or I'll shoot you in the face!"
"'Shut up' is a mean word," the cashier murmured.
"What? I would set it to stun first..."
The socks were swiped and dropped in a brown paper bag. Candace picked it up and made to move out, but not quickly enough to evade the next question.
"Aren't you also a little—scrawny—to be a Stormtroooper?"
Category:Alternate Endings