4AM Quote Archive

Yup It's 4 AM. sometimes shortened to 4AM is/was a Facebook Page created to archive and share quotes said out of context between the group of friends who would inspire the primary characters of the LORE. While not directly connected with the LORE, many quotes archived on the page would inspire characters, plots abilities and other facets of characters found within it. 
The intent of the Page was to archive quotes, but due to the intergalactic succ-itude of Facebook and the poor quality of "Archival utility" in a Facebook page, this article has become the ongoing archive of 4AM quotes. as well as the current home for new 4AM quotes, though the Facebook page will be maintained and posted on for tradition.*Some entries have been modified to exclude the use of racist, ableist, homophobic and transphobic slurs. Where such a revision is impossible due to use of a proper noun or due to a specific intended phrasing, these phrases shall be censored appropriately. While maintaining an accurate record of these quotes was a goal of the admins of this wiki, the desire to spread hatred is not. -Trevor
== 2017 ==
=== July ===
July 2nd - Yup It's 4 AM page is officially created.
* Trevor And Thomas creating a narrative about Drakeblood knight being the dorky wimp in highschool who has the hots for Vanessa and Becky but gets bullied and pegged by them in between round of him being cucked by Havel, resulting in him shooting up the school. #YupIts4AM
* "That's not hot sauce, that's a Stand Arrow" -Thomas
July 6th
* "Rose Diamond" ~Thomas
* "White Diamond was there the entire time, she's just clear" ~Thomas
July 9th
* "When are we going to get placenta-bending." #YupIts4AM
* "The one thing Aang needed to restore his faith was a pile of viscera and placenta in the corner." "Honestly that's the only way he can get off anymore." "I don't think that was the problem here." "Thomas are you projecting?" "More than an IMAX." #YupIts4AM
* "After the title card hits, it's just 15 minutes straight of Dickbutt."
* "It's just The World with the A&W logo plastered onto it."
July 12th
* Tonight on Reading Too Deep: Can Rutile get married without it being considered polygamy? Find out the answer to that and more at 11.
July 14th
* "A choosening can happen at any time" "High Impact Choosening Violence"
July 17th
* You know it's late when "Doctor Whomst've'd" is what sets you off.
July 18th
* "Onii-chichi is too easy" "I mean it is baby's first rape anime"
July 19th
* "Jenga Gamecubes inside my asshole."
July 20th
* "You got moxie, kid. No one else would have thought to eat Trevor's shaft."
* "Who runs gay force."
July 21st
* "If you aren't just a little afraid of being maimed while getting the succ you aren't doing it right."
July 26th
* "Running over Cole is the GTA equivalent of shitposting."
* "What the fuck, pal." -Gumshoe, 2017
July 27th
* "I'm just going to cross off 'Character Death for Drama'"
July 28th
* "Words will how do mouth speak?"
July 30th
* "Fuck Me in the Ass You Dick Slut Cunt Prick Dick Vagina Clitoris Dick, by Wish I Was A Pirate. Read by Trevor. This reading is the property of Audible."
* "I've read some doujins about that" "Mi Torta?
=== August ===
August 2nd
* "THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T TAKE YOU ANYWHERE!" Josh said to the Rubber Band
August 3rd
* "Is it an appropriate use of the Make A Wish Foundation to ask Rebecca Sugar for lewds?"
August 5th
* "Shigoki the Combustable"
August 8th
* "It sounds like I'm defending blackface." ~Marissa
August 12th
* "The Sun is a Kaiju." #YupIts4AM
* "He was too busy thinking of who was going to be the villain for part 8."
* "Mormonism IS canon."
* "He's the antagonist of part 8, you're the antagonist of part 8, I'M the antagonist of part 8. Are there any OTHER antagonists of part 8 I should know about?"
August 16th
* "This Summer. Dick-nado. Starring Chuck Tingle"
August 19th
* "I'm pretty sure if anyone in our group doesn't deserve women's rights, it's Anthony."
August 26th
* "I'm looking up Pearl x Lapis right now." "Hitler was right."
August 28th
* "The world's gonna see my dick whether they like it or not."
August 31st
* "You know, my body is convulsing because Im trying to honest you answerly"
* cook and milkies
=== September ===
September 1st
* "Mickey Mouse died as he lived, annoying and covering bystanders with gore."
* "Ve. Are Ze Kristall. Gems. Ve vill alvays save ze day. And if und zhink ve can't, NEIN."
* "First Soul Society. Zen, Israel."
* "Ve take ze Juden and push zem somewhere else."
* "Guys, listen to me, I'm Aizen" "I thought you weren't Aizen" "Im not"
September 2nd
* "Cuzzle Based Pourt Drama."
September 5th
* "That particular Nazi goes home, watches Springtime for Hitler and gently masturbates himself to sleep to Mein Kampf."
* "Such Man, Very Reaper, Wow."
* "There's no return address, it just says 'Thueco Mundo'"
* "I believe it's a free market system. A free market of consent if you will."
* "Who would have thought that the Furher king was Mr. Dream"
* "Isthweal"
* "Become the Dark Lord of Thouls they thaid. It would be eathy they staid. What do I have to show for it? I got Thueco Mundo under my thumb. What good ith it. All I got is Thand. Ith courth and dwy, and it geths evereywhere." I brought it all the way back around to prequel memes
* "Pweqwel memeths"
* "Get the Sternritter on the phone. We're watching Netflix, A to fuckin Z."
* "I thought I was going to be German Today. Now Im going to be Mike Tython"
* "I did not stand up when they memed the Hollows for I was not a Hollow. I did not stand up when they memed the Soul Reapers for I was not a Soul Reaper. And now, when they are memeing the Quincies, who is there to stand with me?"
* "Mike Diamond"
* "We have finally transthended into the new wealm of 5 AM"
* "Someone please find the viscera of Aizen's corpse. I'm gonna fuck it till I'm blue in the face."
* "It is far too early in the morning to think about the ship of Theseus"
September 6th
* "I just want to know why 17's the Gay Number?"
* "If only my training could overcome my lead poisoning."
* "I like how the Bleach character's inability to speak is because Ivan stole their speech centers. In Boruto, there is just lead in the water"
September 9th
* "I sexually identify as Mike Tyson." "I sexually identify as lead poisoning."
September 10th
* "You have NO idea what Carmen Sandiego's Bankai is."
* "That was the first step of the invasion. Breaking into the mail room."
* "I hurt myself more with my catheter than you did."
* "What's under the 1st Division Building?" "... You familiar with Dark Souls?"
September 15th
* "Oh no...THE VEHICLE SECTION IS NEXT!!!" "And in that moment Thomas realized he fucked up" #CollectAll800Eggs
* "The trick to beating Crash Bandicoot is easy. Just come to terms with the fact that some day, you too shall die and all your victories and achievements will go with you."
* "Momento Mori is the real main theme of Crash Bandicoot"
* "It's a pickup truck made of pure Reiatsu"
* "Sargnarg the Hardgeharg, Crowned King of Jerusalem."
September 21st
* *On Phone* "What do you mean hole in the wall?... Tunnel network?... Goes for miles? Smiffy's Costume Emporium is craftier than I thought."
* "Well it helps that I'm sleeping with the City Councilman's wife." "Ha, beat that Smiffy." "Don't worry because he's sleeping with the City Councilman." "Damn... Wait..."
* "Just pop over to the pub, order 112 fluid scruples of lager, and munch on 45 drachms of chips."
* "What's wrong with us, last week it was the Crusades, now it's units of measurement." "Baiber's Pottle. Rebel in the cooking community."
September 26th
* "Offhand axes engender passivity"
September 27th
* "What would be easier? Making anime real or finding that dog?" "... ...I'm thinking."
* "It's Never Sunny In Thueco Mundo"
September 28th
* 4AM comparison with Hitler spawns half-hour long discussion on the evolutionary benefits of being human.
September 30th
* "Uncle Lovecraft's Smuckers Time"
=== October ===
October 2nd
* "Is it bad that a game made me salty before even exposing me to the gameplay?" "Pre-salted" "Im going to put that on the back of our game." "Pre-Salted Gameplay"
* "Peanutbutter crotch is the only way Aeyla can get off anymore."
October 3rd
* "Why didn't they just give Hisao a pacemaker. That would solve a lot of his life-expectancy issues" "But pacemakers are expensive" "SO THEY SENT HIM TO PRIVATE SCHOOL?" #retroactive4AM
* "I don't pay attention to celebrity culture." "It's High School Musical you dippo" #Retroactive4AM
* "Oh my God she's deaf, just walk up and grab her titties" "Marissa No!" "She's deaf, not blind, she's going to know who did it" #Retroactive4AM #MarissaWhy
October 6th
* "Then it just defaults to the rape chamber, not just the statutory one."
October 7th
* >Realizing that we know exactly who Jim Belushi is, yet we can't name a single thing he stars in
* "One day our memes our going to converge" "We are going to be tending bar at Wolnir's and a pickup truck made of Pure Reiatsu is going to crash through the front door with Smiffy in the front seat. Smiffy activates his Kekkei Genki but I throw my offhand ax at him. It pings off his armor, burying itself in Mike Tyson's Speech center before Carmen Sandiego activates her Bankai. Thuecho Mundo Post cards fall into the water supply, spreading its lead based paint into the Ninja science go boom water supply, causing everybody to words do how to mouth speak. Drakeblood knight jumps out of the closet but we are still too fast for him, all while Kirgei Opie is enjoying Cook and Milkies while reading Mein Kampf"
October 9th
* "Apparently all Autobot lampposts on Cybertron look eerily like Soundwave doing a T-Pose."
* "This is my Trans-sona" "I never want to hear that phrase again."
* "During my chuunibyou phase, I had a dream about being the one with useless knowledge about something obscure. I'm glad that thing was Convoy."
October 10th
No Quotes, but there is a picture of Sphene Donut Steel. 
October 12th
* "Yo I'll give a handy for a copy of Boss N*****."
October 13th
* "Olga, you murder so good. Here, have a baptism. Also, you a saint" "Excellent, Im going to burn down some villages. Maybe go crazy." "Aight"
October 16th
* "So I'm Torbjorn's Nobody and Voldemort is his Heartless? I think I need a moment."
* "It's not just a poem, it's a Lyle poem, and THAT makes it special."
October 17th
* Sayuri was the engine on the Fuck Train." "But she's gone." "The train's still moving and she was the breaks."
October 18th
* "Wand of Gamalon: Jew"
October 19th
* "Dirty Lyle, 4th Chairman of the Tojo."
October 20th
* "They're gonna port Doki Doki Literature Club to Kraft Dinners."
* "When Woolie went to Japan, it wasn't just for vacation, he had to leave a disciple. He had to pass on his Nindō."
October 23rd
* "Racial pejoratives in a nut-slur."
* "Don't you dare mention that debauched pedophile in the same breath as Shadman"
October 25th
* "But Dom, I'm not there with you." "Yeah and this time you won't be able to stop God's plan of taking me."
October 26th
* "We give better deals for worse results" "Yharnum Animal Control: We'll find that dog"
* "Everybody knows about Dark Souls, Bloodborne, and Demon's Souls. That's a given. Some people know about King's Field and Armored Core. But way in the back of the room is Metal Wolf Chaos, shooting guns into the air until it is noticed."
* "I'm surprised the fandom hasn't gotten on that." "Spitroasting Steven?!" "Hardcore Diamond on Steven Action"
October 27th
* "Does that say 'Guy of Lasagna'?"
* "Guy of Lasagna is dead. Long live Bologna"
* "There was a momentary lapse of atrocities"
* "🐔? I didn't know we were so far north."
* "This IS a Smucker's Factory!"
October 29th
* "Pope Innocent was helpless to prevent the coming disaster."
* "Between Jesus and Ewan Mcgreggor, who is on top?"
* "Tag gets pretty serious when you're using the Auger of Ebrietas."
=== November ===
November 1st
* "The only evil you detect for miles is Rob Schneider."
November 2nd
* "I was gonna look up Polar Bears and I started typing in Rob Schneider."
November 3rd
* "Throw him into the Schneider Pit. Let Rob sort him out."
* "Black Luster Polar Bear"
November 4th
* "I don't think the hard line stance concerning hate-crimes is 'Full Steam Ahead'"
* "Is Josh counted as a porn bot?"
* "So if Steven masturbates while shitting..." "It just keeps getting colder, is that the receding of God's light?"
November 8th
* "Shizune, put down the Gun" "She's going to be the next chairman of the Tojo. Dirty Lyle beware."
* "Im glad it only took us a paragraph to realize he was screaming at the top of his lungs to a deaf girl"
* Trevor in Recording: "Huh, that's a neat little bit of foreshadowing right there" Tom in Recording: "Yeah for something 5 seconds from now" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Present Tom: "You said it was neat foreshadowing and I said for something 5 seconds from now" Present Trevor and Recording Trevor Simultaneously: "Well it's still foreshadowing"
November 12th
* "I want to mix Flappers with Transhumanism" "Implying Flappers are Transhuman already"
November 13th
* "Captain Korutsuchi gave me this one weird notebook that was just a story. I didn't really get the plot, I just know I don't like Sasuke" #Retroactive4AM
* Jyggalag: "Ok this plan is airtight, nothing can stop me now." *Call From Talos* "...Huh? Dragons you say... All throughout Skyrim, you say..."
November 14th
* "You know I'd rather fight Hitler hand to hand then have to deal with another season of Pumpkin Spice Everything"
November 17th
* "And how's your little club going?" "IT'S NOT A CLUB, IT'S AN ASSASSIN'S GUILD, MOM."
November 20th
* "Trevor just sat on the Payload, didn't do any damage to anybody, got carded and won the vote on that card."
November 21st
* "What's this? Charleston Chew? Where did this come from? ... Oh right. War Crimes."
November 22nd
* "I like the idea of Anthony waging war on brown people to acquire their gay rights"
November 25th
* "Hisao and Dirty Lyle have the same relationship as Steven and Mayor Dewey"
November 26th
* "He who fishes with a grenade has forgotten the face of his father."
* "It sounds like a Shizune trap" "YOU'RE A SHIZUNE T***"
* "I'm glad we resolved the 'Live Grenade Arc'"
* "No his Kekkei Genkai is actually turning his son into his daughter."
* "He sucked the youth out of his kids" "dont....."
* "I would love to be between Bush and Cheney"
November 28th
* "It goes Hitler and Nazis, then gay shit, then Aizen in that order." #JustAnthonyThings
November 29th
* "You there, the skeleton! To the block!" "Is nobody going to bring up the horse?"
=== December ===
December 2nd
* "It's asymptotically approaching sometimes."
December 4th
* "Just scream at the top of your lungs, 'Yo, Deaf Bitch, where you at?'" "Wait, fuck"
December 5th
* "King Me." "Lilly, we're playing DnD" "AND? I SAID KING ME"
* "Yes, hello, Race Traitor. How much for your Dutch imports?" "How much for that picture of DarkSydePhil on the wall?"
* "You're breaking the law by NOT jerking me off."
December 6th
* "I need Jesus but I also have poor impulse control. What's a girl to do?"
* "Do I have to be the one to ruin Christmas by telling Anthony that chocolate comes from a plant?"
* "Is the mop's disability the fact that it has arms?"
December 7th
* "If you just combine Lilly and Emi, you could get one decent pirate."
* *slurping noises*"DEATH. GO AWAY."
December 8th
* "KILLA QUEEN. I need a bomb." "I can make anything a bomb." "I need a girl. But an armless girl. And she'll be really confusing and she'll talk to people." "Do you want some criticism?" "Yes." "That's stupid." "That's not criticism."
December 12th
* "Optimous Prime is going to give us the lecture then immediately go across the hall and clothesline Emi for being a dealer."
* "Don't worry Hisao, I'm also vaguely disappointed in you."
* "Put me in Coach. I think I can do it. I mean Hisao thinks I can do it so I guess I can do it."
* !Dark Spirit Optimous Prime has Invaded! "The motivational talks have not been working as intended."
* "Two guys just rose from the two inches of gravel like ghosts of vengeance."
* "Pop-S.Arts"
December 13th
* "Do you want to maybe close your blinds?" "Eh, it's okay. The only person out there is Deaf" "That's true..." ... ... "But wait he's deaf not blind"
* "Have you ever had a stump-job?" "Would you believe me if I said yes?"
* "Yuuko, verifiably the only person at this school without a Kekkei Genkai, Bankai, or Stand. She just has a strap-on that says 'Feminism.'"
* "Fuck, how are we going to explain to Josh that we killed off Death?"
December 17th
* "I thought you were going to say 'Speaking of "me loving your peepee long time"'"
December 19th
* "Yes, Willem Dafoe was in The Truman Show. He starred as the Moon."
December 25th
* "I vaguely remember there being girls in real life"
* "Alright Cole, you caught me with my pants down and with my Pokemon lewds stolen by Roman Reigns"
December 27th
* "See that mountain? You can climb it." ~Reggie Fils-Aimé, Breath of the Wild
December 28th
* "Is this what it feels like for someone else to chew 5 Gum?"
* "I'm gonna Rock Bottom Anthony in front of Steve Harvey."
December 29th
* "I'm glad it ended with Deaf vs Dark Spirit Optimous Prime."
December 31st
* "Dirty Lyle's not a real name." "That's rich coming from Ceridwen."
* "So do you have any hobbies, Dirty Lyle?" "I used to be into poetry..."
* "So you go to a WELSH private school, for WELSH kids, and you can't even point out WALES on a map."
* "I didn't choose the Welsh life, the Welsh life apparently chose me."
== 2018 ==
=== January ===
January 1st
* "Heal cancel into Spooge cannon"
January 3rd
* "You haven't lived until you cum into an offering plate"
January 4th
* "Well it's been a good run but Mt. St. Helen's might kill me soon." "Thomas, come to Illinois and hang out with me." "Honestly, I'd rather die." #ImSorryMarissa #IDidntMeanItLikeThat
January 7th
* "If you leave the baby underwater for more than 10 minutes, it's no longer a baptism. It's a felony"
January 10th
* "Jack and Annie Take Normandy" "Jack and Annie Find a Dead Body" "Jack and Annie Join a Cult" "Jack and Annie Vote Trump" "Man the Magic Treehouse is not what I remember"
January 14th
* "I'm pretty sure Dom could beat up an armless girl."
January 16th
* "I'm glad this session started with me joking about grabbing the dragon's dick and then it ended with us actually grabbing that dragon's dick."
* "Our suspects: An Excavator, An Abercrombie and Fitch Teeshirt, A Keebler Elf, and a suspicious guard that just transferred in today."
January 18th
* "Stom's Tand"
January 19th
* "Everyone has a place in God's plan. Some people grow up to be president. Some people grow up to be Global Warming. Some people grow up to draw blue 12 inch cocks on skeletons."
January 24th
* "This Summer. Johnny Clean and Dirty Lyle. Starring Rob Schneider as a Load Bearing Wall."
* "GAZE, upon the WonderSwan. LOOK, at the revolutionary design." "I don't know what I'm looking at." "BEHOLD THE DEDICATED SOUND BUTTON."
* "Gunpei EX. Was a launch title. For the WonderSwan Color. That sentence."
* "I can't wait to play Elder Scrolls: Redguard on the WonderSwitch."
* "You joke but in our cyberpunk campaign setting there's gonna be the WonderSwitch. I hear it has blast processing."
January 25th
* "I call it a meter stick, because that is what it is" "I call it a yard stick because I found it in my yard."
January 28th
* "Behold, for my next trick, Ill make my dick disappear into this piece of bubblegum"
* "It's pretty hard to fart John Williams"
January 30th
* "The wombats got him a half chub, Card Destruction brought him all the way."
* "The next words out of your mouth will be 'Ow my dick'."
=== February ===
February 3rd
* "Just look it up." "I'm not looking up the etymology of 'twat'."
February 12th
* "Hey I recovered from my crotch burns...Anthony is still starving though"
* "Is Jiren stronger than the concept of gay?" "Not by the time I'm done with it"
February 13th
* "I just need to kill all of these expectant mothers."
February 16th
* "Is Anthony the Semen bandit?" "I thought he was the President of the Virgin Islands" "Is Anthony the Zodiac Killer?" "Is Anthony Ted Cruze?"
February 18th
* "The guy who wants to legally force doujins on the populace shouldn't be the one to run a children's show."
February 19th
* "One day President Lincoln got up and gave the Gettysburg Address and said 'All T***s and Futa are gay' and the south collectively got up and said 'whoa hold the phone'"
* New to the Tier List: Anthony-President of the Virgin Islands Anthony-x3 Women's Rights (Grand Queen of the Feminism)
* Shagthony Calvo-The True Meaning of Christmas
February 24th
* "My first foray into porn was someone on the bus called me a cocksucker and I was like 'what's that all about'."
* Highlights of Trevor Shaming himself for his friends: 1. Telling friends about a cringy Crossover fanfiction I wrote 2. Finding that crossover fanfiction 3. Senpei 4. Hacking into my old forum account to uncover eldritch horrors meant to sleep, forgotten in the void 5. Realizing I misspelled my username on that account
February 28th
* "Well you did buy a dragon dildo" "I bought it as a decoration"
=== March ===
March 4th
* "Now I don't know how much you know about horse breeding-"
* "Every time a car backfires on the street, it's suddenly 1911 again and the Romanovs are back in power for Anthony."
March 6th
* "God Loves Trans Bulge"
March 11th
* "Don't you ever fucking mention Muppet Babies to me ever again."
* "I was bored in a special kind of private way."
March 12th
* "Me Marissa don't like when you bully Whip-daddy Megatron"
* "I was giving him a beatdown because he was blowing me"
March 15th
* "It's not rape if it's in self-defense"
* "Josh May 31 1995 - March 15 2018: 'He's Gone to Stay At the YMCA'"
* "Someday I'm going to become a wizard and use my awesome virgin powers to give you all small peepee disease" ~Cole
* "So I have to buddy cop with Cole's dead racist grandpa to escape from Gayhalla?"
* "I wanna see Morgan Freeman in unconvincing whiteface feed off the energy of oppressed black people."
* "Before Cole's Racist Grandpa sublimates with the Gay Force as part of the ritual, his re-dying words are 'You're a good kid also stay away from negro doctors.'"
March 17th
* "I'd like to see how 4Kids would dub Yakuza" "Kevin James wants to be a Gang-Star"
* "I don't call him a manlette to insult him" "Yeah and I call black people N-ggers as a term of endearment"
March 18th
* "I don't care if it's gay as long as it's big" ~Sean
* "Are you proud of bully a retared child?" -Cole
* "🎵The Region of Kanto has asked me to Disclose my sexual crimes to you I was bad, but now I'm good I'm moving into your neighbourhood.🎵"
* "Mom why was it that we moved to Pokemon hawaii?" "To escape the Feds hunny." "I noticed Kukui also lives more than 50 ft from the Poke-school" "Is this just Pedophile lane?"
March 22nd
* "Well time to start my 15 volume Vriska x John fanfiction with a 5 volume detour about a sentient Alternian tornado""
* "I have unimaginable power but only while someone else is fucking my wife."
* "Mom x Dad" "On the surface it makes sense. But without context you start asking questions. Whose Mom? Whose Dad?" "Who is Mom? Who is Dad?"
March 23rd
* "You're damn right I'm gay."
March 27th
* Tonight on 4am: Offhand joke sparks full on debate on the ramifications and clarifications on necrophilia.
* "How many of my body fluids do you want dumped on you?" ~Marissa 2018
* "Dan 'The Hymen divider' Schneider" "Dan "No tears, it's your career" Schneider" "Dan "All-Nighter with a minor" Schneider"
* "I don't want to meet Chad-Cole" ~Cole
March 29th
* "This is like an episode of Loony Toons." "Trump-Pence 2016, get out of that active construction site!" Minutes Later: "Ok now Trump-Pence can't jump to his death."
=== April ===
April 8th
* "All your accomplishments are transitory and fleeting. Minecraft is Forever."
* "Here we are deciding the fate of Skyrim and here Thomas comes riding MY goat, muzzled and with dildo in its ass."
* "I like Cool Ranch Doritos. You don't see me climbing into my mom." "You know Thomas, if I didn't have context, I wouldn't know how to respond... Actually even with context I don't know how to respond."
April 15th
* "Like Kid, shouldn't you be going to school?" "It seems he has more important things to do." "Yeah, Like his Mom."
* "Put down the Alternatium, and pick up a bible, you people clearly need Jesus"
* "Dawn of the Final Day. You better Inseminate your Mom"
April 17th
* "You set the crucifix, chicken-wing up."
* "*Chuckles in Critical Hits*"
* "It's less of a thought experiment and more of a QTE."
April 23rd
* "I really like the idea of heaven having the Skyrim texture pack."
April 25th
* "Riot would just release a new cheese and hope you forget about it."
* "I thought she stated in Deathly Hollows that Gandalf was gay."
* "Did ya put ya name in the gaahblet of faiyah!?!" Gandalf asked calmly.
April 28th
* "Foster's Home for Abused Pokemon"
April 30th
* "Earlier I asked Anthony if he was a lizard person and now he's just spamming winkie faces. I think he wants to fuck me."
* "I wouldn't care even if I cared."
=== May ===
May 1st
* "Ok First the Lizard Warrior and White lizard will mate. Then I will mate with the White Lizard. Then The Lizard Warrior and I will mate while the White Lizard watches" ************** "It's time for your punishment. First Ill Spank you. Then you will spank your new maid girl. Then I will spank her. Then she will spank me." *************** "Is Ainz Ooal Gown just a College Frat House?" "This reminds me of when 'Touch Me' dipped into the guild coffers and we forced him to drink from the "Keg of Despair" "All 41 of us just pissed in it." "Ill get the funnel"
* "The Inner machinations of my mind are an enigma" *60's Scooby Doo intro plays*
May 2nd
* "I thought it said he contracted Skeleton-Pox"
May 4th
* "Why to catch Ladyba?" "You know that's a really deep question. Everyone's googling how to catch Ladyba, no one's asking why."
* "Then I'll be un-touching-fuckable" "Is that the thing in hentai where people can make you cum by looking at your pants the right way?"
* "It's the only space genocide I find acceptable"
May 6th
* "Little known fact: Wolves aren't marsupials. Werewolves are."
May 7th
* "Dominique wants many things in life. Mostly a non-diseased liver but becoming a Poketuber is a close second."
May 8th
* "A Gamer Mommy GF with big milkies does not exist anywhere."
May 13th
* "Thomas and Trevor's Terrace Tower of Terror and Trepidation Timeshare. Act now."
* "Lorkhan's the one doing the timeshare meeting and slowly the et'Ada shuffle out. The only people left are the Aedra who are on the edge of their seats and the Daedra who were here for the free food."
* "That's because Emerald is a loose whore."
* "Jyggalag walks out of the room to start planning and Lorkhan spins the white board. 'Ok here's how we're going to pants Jyggalag on a cosmic scale."
* "There's no way that this could backfire ever." ~Jyggalag
May 17th
* "It's like he was born wearing a fedora that said 'I hate N*****s' on the side of it"
May 18th
* "Can you catch slavery by touching the gross girl in class?"
May 22nd
* Marissa's life lessons 1. Porn Stars do porn 2. Porn stars are actually having sex 3. Yakuza are bad people
May 23rd
* "Don't touch my dick like that." "I'm gonna establish wrist control on your dick like that."
* "Scooby Doo and the Italian Succession Plot"
May 26th
* Cole: "I don't even know Anthony but I'm insulted to be compared to him"
May 28th
* "You remember Umbra? Umbra ain't shit, Chung-ra where it's at."
* "You're gonna need that dedicated sound button to run Dawnstar."
* "You see this phone? This is the most advanced phone that could run Dawnstar. It has all six colors."
=== June ===
June 1st
* "They have very similar symptoms." "Animation of the skeleton?!"
June 2nd
* "And by doing that, you jostled your bladder." "I'll jostle her bladder." "Thomas, I don't even know what that means..."
* "Mmmm. Smells like kidney failure."
* "It's not too late for BoysLove." "It's literally to late for BoysLove."
* "Talking to Anthony is like talking to a porn bot. You have to set the bait and wait for him to inevitably take it"
June 3rd
* "Now That's What Proclaim is Music of Dubious Origin 36"
* "I've done that before. It feels funny at first but then it starts to hurt."
* "We thought we were balls deep when John did the windy thing. We didn't even have the condom on." "You didn't even have your pants off." "We were still back at the restaurant." "Barely out the door." "I was still leaving the tip." "How much was the tip?" "$16.95" "Damn that's big." "We had a big dinner."
* "The Year is 198X. Bandai has taken the computing world by storm with it's flagship AI, Magellan."
June 5th
* "Why do you think I have a waterbed full of piss?"
* "The question you should be asking is when the watersports bootstrapped itself."
June 7th
* "I think my mind crossed together 'fondled' and 'molested' and I got 'Folded'"
* "You know, if I were to be consumed in a giant flame by becoming one with an aspect of Akatosh due to the carelessness of a friend...well...that would just be okay." ~Sean Bean Probably
June 10th
* Quill: Have you ever heard of Oven-Burgers Marissa? Marissa: No I haven't Trevor: What the fuck Marissa are you fucking stupid? I was raised from Birth on oven cooked burgers! Were you dropped from a truck as a baby? Are you that stupid? Are you even human, Stupid?"
June 11th
* "Trevthony-Calvo:The True meaning of Atheism"
June 12th
* "Tom, is Sithis in Cheydinhal?" "Yes. Sithis, the concept of the Void is in Cheydinhal."
June 13th
* "I'm glad it took a 6 way apocalyptic Mecha battle during a break in the fabric of time for Orcs to get human rights"
* "World War II except all the major powers have Numidiums." "And in a twist of fate Winston Churchill becomes a Necromancer Moon" "Him or Mussolini" "They both orbit Jupiter just to spite it"
* Washington: "Fus Ro Dah, General Cornwallis"
* "Is that Rule 63 Kawaii Desu Vampire Uriel Septim VII?"
June 15th
* "Hallooh, i am Tarrd Howard! i want to present Elder Scrolls 6: Skyrim Again, for the Wonder Swan! Yay!"
June 16th
* "Your Honor, my client pleads not-guilty as he was dead at the time of the robbery"
June 17th
* "You know except for the whole dead sister part. That can't be solved with jerking it."
June 20th
* "IT. IS TOO EARLY. FOR THE SHIP. OF THESEUS."
June 21st
* "I want eyebrows and zombie girl to have a Fab-off"
* "Im glad Chad got 2 WTFs" "Yeah, one for throwing Ichigo through a clocktower, the other for being a Nazi sympathizer"
* "Are ou angry?"
* "Is this our favorite fight in the arc? A battle between a trans girl, her zombie thot, a Drag Queen and a lightbulb?" "Im glad out of them, my favorite is the Drag Queen"
June 23rd
* "What about Priyanka x Doug?! Her fucking husband? How about that?" "But Doug's fucking lame." "Fuck you"
* "But Thomas, now all your favorite Gems will have actual working vaginas." "BUT THEY ALREADY HAVE THAT" "But like actual working vaginas." "BUT THEY DO" "Name one" "ROOOOSE" "Ok but all we know is she has a womb." "FUCK YOU"
June 25th
* "Moments-From-Death died as she lived...butt-naked, face-down, ass-up"
June 26th
* "I don't like how many of these files are labeled Molag Bal" "Is that chicken fuck?" "Did I see skull fucking?" "I saw Skeever gangbang."
June 27th
* "And here's the Sex Offender Caterpillar." "Don't lie to me, that's the Freddy Kruger Caterpillar." "HE WAS A SEX OFFENDER."
* "Oh ho ho, a Gold 5. Let's see how they feel about Qliphorts."
* "Do you think if Soul Society goes on long enough there would be a Captain of the 0th Division that would be like 'yeah, I invented memes'."
* "Yes I named all memes. I especially like Dat Boi. Oh shit, waddup."
* "-wait is that Ganju? Is that FUCKING GANJU?"
* "In all the futures that I saw, I did not expect this one. So points for creativity."
* "Guess who got a upgrade from the Hitler Youth.""Guess who got a downgrade from JPEG artifacts."
June 29th
* "I'm a giant sexual puma named Jeff of Astora"
June 30th
* "So as a palate cleanser, I watched the one on Gays where they characterized them as child molesting sodomites."
=== July ===
July 1st
* "Early Doug or late Doug Patti Mayonnaise?" "That sentence makes me angry."
July 2nd
* "Thus God proclaimed to the American People 'Go West you stupid bitch'"
* "We don't fuck our wife like a bitch, we have *sex* with her like a *dog*"
* "A criminal record should not affect your nomination for knighthood." "What if I'm a rapist?" "That might affect your standing." "What if I'm a double rapist?" "That again might affect your standing." "What if I slide the Queen a $50?" "That will affect your standing." "Positive or negative?" "Are you raping the Queen?" "Yes." "I think yeah it would affect something." "What if she enjoys it?"
* "If Oblivion gates start opening all across England, you'll know who did it."
July 6th
* "If I were a fruit, I would be a Citron." "I don't know what that is." "It's like a lemon but bigger. And Jewish." *audible choke*
July 7th
* "Dom is just being cyberbullied by Daft Punk"
July 8th
* "Yes, the Fat, swamp hag that steals the souls of men to make cartoons is Gary Oak"
July 11th
* "No, no, this is my OC-Planet, Blearth"
July 13th
* "No, no, it's residual baby energy that fills up your baby meter until you have enough to make another" "It's like bleed in Dark Souls"
* "What if I dont want my Immune system?" "Well there is a convenient disease that will solve that for you" "No, that's the coward's way out. I want to fight it myself"
* Top 3 Anime Battles: Thomas vs. the Sun Thomas vs. his own Immune System Thomas vs. the number 17
July 15th
* "Why did you desecrate my wikipedia search history with Boohbah?"
* "We finally fished out the corpse of Salty's Lighthouse from the river. It's so far gone that it can be only identified by dental records."
* "I don't think the game has a horse in this race..." "The game has the ONLY horse in this race, and I HAVE TO KILL IT."
July 18th
* "Dom, did you take Danny Phantom to Chunin Prom?" "STOP"
July 19th
* "You see, he makes a tree, then he makes the tree really cold. You can't keep up"
* "Yes, Anthony has been inventorying pet shops in Alaska" "I- what have I been doing with my life?"
July 20th
* "Look, we're not talking about YOUR gigantic girthy man penis, we're talking about MY Gigantic girthy man penis and we aren't talking about it anymore
July 23rd
Thueco Mundo
July 28th
* "I don't want to entertain a world where Yellow Diamond is Kronk"
July 31st
* "Yeah I just risked the lives of all my men and my woman so I could poison this orphan."
* The Secret War Potentials: 1. Kid who makes potions 2. Girl who controls goblins 3. Kid's Grandma 4. Ogre Shed
* "Well what does the enemy look like they're doing?" "Well it looks like they're building a giant shed." "Ok well that's not so bad." "And now they're filling it with trolls." "Dammit, that was our one tactical advantage."
=== August ===
August 1st
* "Look, just because my Psychopathic tendencies usually gets you guys killed or worse, doesn't mean you should hate me." "Says the guy shooting me from a cannon"
August 2nd
* "So uhhhh, Hisao. Summer break, huh?" "What do you want?" "How's about you help me with a little project, doing some yard work." "What kind of yard work?" "Wanna help me build a shed?"
* "Ok Hisao, I'm going in for some boards. You sneak around back and get some bags of cement." "Why don't you get them?" "Because I can't be the only one on camera."
* "Oh right, that's why you threw me in Gay baby Gaol"
August 3rd
* "Thomas: Wants to jump to a volcanic death. Also Thomas: Afraid of Jupiter"
August 7th
* "WHY IS THERE DEEP MATTRESS LORE?"
August 8th
* "I'll trade you one Slavery Unicorn for one of your women's rights." "That's a good trade but I'm trying to hang on to these as long as possible."
* "Is Rob Schnieder a hollow?" "This is the part of the night where we pump the breaks"
August 9th
* "You guys are going to pick me up from the Taylor Swift Concert and it will just be Mad Max in there"
August 10th
* "No, they went to marriage counseling to better sync up their AoEs."
August 12th
* "Why do catch Ledyba?" "Is a pacman?" "What does it mean to be a frogger?"
August 15th
* "If only you could instill malevolence into Pepsi"
August 22nd
* "I'm not going to send my Grandmother 'Richard Pictures'"
August 23rd
* "I killed the secret nazis with my secret bullets, now fuck off and let me pee"
August 25th
* "You see that Hee-Toe-mi J-cups Titties look like Jello Puddin' pops"
* Trevor: "I should join anime club. It looks fun." *3 sessions and half a lecture on why Madara ruined Naruto later* Club President: "Now Trevor, not that we don't appreciate your enthusiasm, but maybe we can switch subjects. Do you like Bleach?" Trevor: "Funny you should mention that. Let me run home and get my dissertation on the Blood War arc and my design documents for fundamentally fixing the manga" Club Pres: "I don't think this club is for you..."
* "Is tonight the night we finally train Cole to be the DKCrew Cum toilet?"
August 28th
* "The thing with the Scooby Doo movies is that they all use the same twist." "Oh no, the Zombies are real." "Oh no, the Aliens are real." "Oh no, Kiss is a real band."
* "No tricks. No illusions. No projectors. No animatronics. Just a skeleton, and a gun."
* "No, I don't want to talk about the Ship of Thesius at 5AM."
August 29th
* "What If I hold my breath?" "Then you prolong the inevitable." "But what if I hold Trevor's breath?" "Then that is no longer saving your friend. That's a Felony."
=== September ===
September 1st
* "I heard that Bruticus Caesar was poisoned by some republicans or somthin"
* "Oh no, the Gamergirl left" "Now whose piss are we going to drink?" "Now Im going to starve"
* "It's not that you're outing me as a weeb. You're outing me for wanting to fuck Cartoons"
* "Man the crossover between Cyberchase and Chalkzone is going to be lit."
September 4th
* "NAVY SEALS" *Man trips from roof of 5 story building* "Oh my god it's Jason Bourne" *splat*
September 5th
* *starts choking on water* Trevor:"Dammit, that went down the wrong way, Chaps, I leave everything to you, but you have to find it first, I left everything I own in one piece" ------------ Marissa:"We can call her Pirate crew the Merry Band!"
September 7th
* "Quick, throw X so it doesn't break." "Ow...my cancer..." ~Saw Memes
* "Lawrence is just sitting in the void while Adam is sitting over there with two halves of a room."
September 13th
* "I watch the corpse of the Capra Demon slowly fade away and on the other side I see Josh's happy negro smile"
* "Are they adding another Catherine? How are they even going to spell her name?" "Quatherine"
September 14th
* "You would have to do some kind of communion wafer heist to get enough to eat a whole jesus"
September 19th
* "The most important thing to do when Spiderman kissing is to T-pose on your floor."
* "He's just in the lobby manspreading as a power move."
September 21st
* "Huh, we're actually dipping a bit in White." "Looks like we need more White power-IDIDNTMEANITLIKETHAT."
* "I don't know what I like more, Camp Counselor Josh, or Academy Headmaster Trevor"
September 23rd
* "You know what you guys need to do, just have a xiolin showdown." "Fine I wager my Two-ton Tunic against your Eye of Dashi. The game is dead by daylight"
September 28th
* "He's a double-knight" "Boy Knight Knight"
* "I'm glad that Henry Ford died like any Nazi should. Surrounded by his loved ones, not in pain and filthy rich" "Wait" "Like every Nazi should"
September 30th
* "Wait...If your here, and Naraxus is over there, THEN WHO'S SCRUFUS?"
=== October ===
October 5th
* "We should sure up the Bone side" "We should build a siege tower to get to the upper floors"
* "Ok, but if the Earth is flat, why can't I play DOOM on my Baby?"
October 8th
* "So slowly suffocating them in a box is the fucking humane way?!!?" "Listen, you're not a parent-"
* "Once Akira Toriyama passes, they're just going to repurpose his body to power Toei, Lordgenome style."
October 12th
* "Is Alex Jones a Soul Reaper?" "We can't prove he isn't a Fullbringer"
* "We believe the Earth is Flat because the God-King Ywach said so"
* "I don't want to be isekai'd into runescape."
* "Ok so what classes would we be racially profiled into?"
* Merry: so when will we see ____ in Transformers Trevor: Later, don't worry Merry: STOP SAYING THAT Trevor: I HAVEN'T LIED YET
* "Behold! The Space-winnebago " "SHUT THE FUCK UP"
* "The question isn't if Optimus Prime dies, it is at what point. The answer is 30 minutes in." "How long is this movie?" "An hour and a half." "Oh..."
* "No hurt Wheelie. Me Grimlock like him. Him squeak when me Grimlock shake him."
October 13th
* "Whenever I see Skeletor, it reminds me of Anthony." *audible choke* "I want you to know you almost killed me."
October 17th
* "They're up to the PS2 era." "That's gamecubes."
October 18th
* "Im sorry, I forgot we had to name characters in terms of Boruto's dad." "Solve for Boruto"
* "Trevor, remember that you don't fuck little girls unless you have aids"
* "If I'm going to hit like a wet noodle I want it to be rigid at least" "So a dry noodle?" "I'm just going to throw a box of uncooked lasagna noodles at my foe" "Trevor is going to wield the Kraft dinner" "+1 sword of Kraft"
October 19th
* "He's screaming to kill everything in here, you're screaming because it makes you feel better"
* "No, Dinobot is the coolest! He's Prince Zuko if he was turned into a velociraptor by Scary Monsters" "How dare you successfully sell me on a character in one sentence like that"
October 20th
* "I would entertain this buddy cop scene between you and your animate shield, but I'm afraid that territory might have already been tread by Lollypop chainsaw"
October 22nd
* "Apparently Thomas' favorite nation is the ghost zone."
* "Can they leverage the penalty from setting the opponent on fire into a victory?"
* "Is Tommy Wiseau the symbol of peace?"
* "If I see him on election day, I'm going to burn my dog and have her pee on him" ~Marissa, getting invested in her politics
October 26th
* "I don't need to think, I tricked this rock into thinking for me"
October 27th
* "So there is an upper limit to how much genital trauma an Orc can experience"
* "Urkeauque removes his clothing, believing it will increase his power" *Rolls a Nat 20* "Oh my god it worked" "Ok all of your 3 orc cocks have been exposed to the enemy" "Excuse me what"
* "Oh no I shifted from a Cockney accent to a Southern accent." "Its ok you are Cockney Southern" "Isn't that just Australian?"
* "Oh you guys did this. I didn't think there was a class called Boy Moles" "Sorry it got cut off. It is supposed to say Boy Molesting Fruit"
October 28th
* "Is that the secret Pope ritual? Eating Jesus' body weight in communion wafers in under 8 hours?"
* "You reach the battlefield, Trevor is missing his faceplate, Josh is teleporting around the battlefield, Quill who was killed in season 3 is just back" "No. Im banning all instances of Carnage in C-Minor from the Lore"
* "But that's the problem. The reason we're on a loosing battlefront is because Anthony doesn't have standards"
* "The Virgin Islands is just Anthony's pleasure palace"
October 30th
* "We're going to return your PS4 and use it to buy you some rope"
=== November ===
November 2nd
* "Erik's just a torso with a brainstem, he only has a week to live. Let him be." "And Dirty Lyle is making him make a powerpoint presentation on thugonomics for the next school assembly."
November 3rd
* "Is that Todd Howard, the Pope?"
* "You require insight to see Tony Hawk."
November 9th
* "Are you trying to tell me that a girl's panties wouldn't get wet from watching Convoy?"
* "The hidden reference in this area is that these fish people are racist."
* "You don't even have to be ordained by the gods. You're just a dude. I'M a rapist!"
November 11th
* "He's nearly secured a victory against Xanthous Guard 1, when Xanthous Guard 2 comes yodeling out of the woodwork and kills him"
* "I can't find the horse cock and I'm concerned"
* "You know there is something off about a naked loli pulling out a dagger and yelling 'Skyrim Belongs to the Nords' to a mudcrab"
November 15th
* "So would 'Libcuck' be Ice Type because it's a snowflake?"
* "When playing Dead by Daylight you face one of two seals. A Navy Seal or a Baby Seal"
November 20th
* "How do you describe Spoken word Rap in the style of Droopy?"
November 22nd
* "I still don't know what's more shocking: finding out you're the bird man despite never posting birds in my presence or finding out Josh wasn't Black."
November 28th
* "Actually, Oblivion was the last time you could be a rapist"
November 29th
* "I thought you meant the Clown killer." "No, that's Ted Cruz"
* "I am the Doom of my Fist"
November 30th
* "Having your finger pricked and saying 'Fang me daddy' are two different things."
=== December ===
December 3rd
* "Danke Frau David Bowie"
* "Buu no like you, Buu hate n******"
December 9th
* "It's not Adam and Eve, it's Thomas and Josh."
December 10th
* Jupiter Major Patch 2.0.4: -Fixed bug where Jupiter would spawn storms on other planets -Fixed bug where Ganymede would stray off course into other celestial orbits -Removed superfluous Ice subtypes -Fixed ring lighting glitch from outshining everything in local galactic arm -Fixed death glitch involving Io where players could move kill ceiling to other celestial bodies -Increased air density to prevent players from clipping through Jupiter -Removed visual glitch that caused Io to have Titan's textures -Fixed orbit glitched that caused Pluto to sometimes clip into Jupiter -Removed erroneous classification of Pluto as a planet
December 12
* "The sequel to 'Main Street Porno' is 'Yeet Your Meat'."
December 17th
* "Ok then riddle me this, who's giving the bribes? AND DON'T SAY ZION."
* "Nah I don't want to watch Rudolph. I want to watch My Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer." *Josh promptly ragequits the call*
* "Smokey the Bear, the leftist libtard cuck who spoonfeeds snowflakes that they're 'the ONLY ones that can prevent forest fires'"
* "Little known fact: All trans people have a cloaca."
December 21st
* "I will personally be there to see the light fade from Al Roker's eyes."
* "And here's Al Roker with 「ＴＨＥ　ＷＥＡＴＨＥＲ」"
December 27th
* "I don't want to be visited by the Rathian of Christmas Yet To Come"
* "We didn't have time to get a warrant, but we did have time to declare Eminent Domain on Trevor's house"
* "Steven doesn't die from being kicked to the moon, he dies from hearing the N-word"
* "Where does the monster butter come from?"
December 31st
* "Please don't let the door open and it just be an Anjanath sized Mosswin-" [Door opens to reveal just that] "FUCK OFF"
== 2019 ==
=== January ===
January 1st
* "It is quitter talk! I don't want you putting car batteries in my butthole!"
January 9th
* "The only time you're not allowed to use a calculator is in a math class or when building a nuclear bomb...in a dark cave...with only sticks" "Man, the Amish are getting aggressive. Is this a cry for help Tom?" "Look..."
* "I would read Salad" ~Tom
* "Ok Naruto, you're going to become Ninja President. But. You're a genin. That's a problem. So Kakashi is going to be Ninja President and we're going to throw you into a concentration camp until you're not a fucking idiot."
* "Aizen watch out, the Sōkyoku is coming. Oh god he has headphones on he can't hear us."
* "Man I'm glad I'm going to nerd school, so I don't have to talk to girls"
January 12th
* "Doc Ock sprays Spider-Man with a non-retracting spray. 'Have fun wiping your ass now, Spider-Man!'"
January 15th
* "Like the astronaught possessed by the pyrokinetic ghost" "Oh you mean the one from MGS5?" "No not him..." "YOU MEAN THERE IS ANOTHER PYROKINETIC GHOST?"
January 18th
* "Gaaaaaaaayyyyy Frooogs G-A-E-Y GAAAEEEEYY" "Tom said it a little TOO slow."
January 20th
* "Go ahead, call the police. They can't unsteal your desk."
January 26th
* "Ganondorf will have all the billionaires in his pocket, Dedede would be out there chanting for a wall."
* "Sosuke Aizen vs. -" "Who is Gay Aizen and why is he made of Pepsium?"
* "Helen Keller tanks the first TV but the second one takes her by surprise."
* "Ah yes, the Alolan Gorilla, in his natural habitat; the classroom."
* "Hey that sharp rock killed Optimus Prime. I don't want to hear it."
January 30th
* "Everyone's in a harness, they're covered in fluids and there are two horses here. I don't know man."
=== February ===
February 5th
* "My desire to grammar nazi this succubus is greater than my desire to get laid"
February 6th
* "The Organization is gonna run a train on Chaps' wife so she can give birth to the XIII Seeker of Darkness"
* "Heterosexuality was too strong on Quill so we decided to nerf."
* "My sexuality gets a nerf but Thomas gets to be Dummy Thicc. This is bullshit."
February 7th
* "Dear Teostra, I wrote you but still ain't callin'..."
February 13th
* "Look, sounding is ok but that's where I draw the line." "Nightcore?"
* "All these queers make a circle."
* "The status of my orgasms and my sexual history is not a subject for your TOMTalks. Thank you. Double stuffed quarters."
* 
* "Well at least you have Salty's Lighthouse." "No. You do not bring up Salty's Lighthouse. That's OUR word."
February 17th
* [Mike Tyson voice] "You know Haschwalth. Instead of making a soldier whose blood is pure poison, how about we don't?"
* "It's been a while since I've been Micheal Jackson. ... Other Micheal Jackson."
* "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" "I'M OOOOOLD."
February 19th
* "I'd much rather you fuck my wife than pop my bones."
February 21st
* "Asses of Ariandel"
February 22nd
* "Here's an artists representation of what Trevor's laptop would look like today."
February 23rd
* "White Diamond can say the N-word to kill Steven, but I invented the N-word"
* "Trevor, so cocksure throughout his entire life that he's not a wizard, just stares angrily at his Hogwarts acceptance letter."
February 27th
* "Not only can he see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch, he can see the futures where kids hate Cinnamon Toast Crunch and even the futures where they're ambivalent to it. And IF he deems that the future where they hate it is where he wins, he can just GO to it BECAUSE LOL."
* "No, even better, we're going to turn Chaps' wife into bubble wrap."
* "Ichigo gets his third sword, Zoro style, but before he can finish saying Bankai, Aizen-Yawach Supreemo runs up and kidney-kicks him"
* "He just rides in the ribcage of the horse like one would a barrel over a fucking waterfall."
* "Can I see a chart? Can I see a diagram? Can I take a peek into this Matrioshka doll of fuck you have going on here? Can I take a trip into your world?"
* "To show the power of Flex Seal™, I cut the Hogyoku in half."
* "I is cant is understand is your is accent is ,,,,,,,."
* "It's not just an air boulder, it's an air rock. And air roo-ooo-ooo-ooock. Man, the Escudo used to toss these babies for miles. And it's in great shape."
=== March ===
March 1st
* "I got some firebombs for our pus-y friend." "And our pussy friends. All the pussy friends we made along the way tonight."
March 6th
* "So when are we going to send Dirty Lyle to 'Dan Backslide' Merry so we can sneak into Anthony's pleasure fortress?" "I don't like a single part of what you said. It's like you went out of your way to say the single most unappealing sentence possible."
March 11th
* "I feel like we've all gained insight" "I fail to grasp what we've learned today" "Why can't this be in Bloodborne?" "PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL?!"
* "What is Punxsutawney Phil's nobody?" "Euatywnusxxpn" "No wait, his full name is Punxsutawney Phil" "Pxeitwlhynuulsaxnp"
March 13th
* [To the tune of "Do You Want to Build a Snowman"] "🎵Do you want to start a racewar?🎵"
March 14th
* "Cole's trying to make Grookie sound like a slur. But you tried to make a slur and created a pokemon"
March 27th
* "He's using the force to throw a Crossfire Hurricane into his truck nuts"
March 29th
* "That's my Sacred Beast." "Good! Now let him have it!" "You can have it."
March 31st
* "Quick, I better put my OC on here so nobody steals my idea even though I don't have one"
=== April ===
April 6th
* "Because I had a really simple two step plan on eating Anthony and you guys won't let it be"
* "Why must you be such a hateful person?" "I don't want to hear that from you, Trevor. You're the most hateful person I know. You told me yourself you are a hateful person." "Yes but that was past-Trevor. We all know he's a dick" "That was 20 minutes ago"
April 7th
* "Trevor, I'm going to fuck you in the ass and there won't be consent even if you give verbal consent. I'm going to fuck the consent out of you"
April 9th
* "Sean is getting stun-locked by dual-wielded ambulances" "The Balm allows Merry to dual-wield ambulances"
April 10th
* "If I got paid every time Trevor threatened to rape me, I could stop being a corporate slave, and just be Trevor's sex slave"
April 13th
* "If I got paid every time Trevor threatened to rape me, I could stop being a corporate slave, and just be Trevor's sex slave"
April 17th
* "I'm waiting for JK Rowling to come out saying that Notre Dame never burned down in her world" "I thought you were going to say JK Rowling was going to come out saying she's glad Notre Dame burned down" "Okay, I thought it would be that JK Rowling was going to come out saying that Notre Dame was gay"
April 21st
* "Now if Anthony offers you any Essential Oils you politely tell her no"
April 22nd
* "+1 gun of shitposting"
* "You fuckers already blew the anime titties off my car" "The police can kill me, they can take my job, but they won't take my anime titties"
April 23rd
* "JK Rowling announced that Notre Dame and the Eiffel Tower had a very passionate sex life"
April 26th
* *mocking* "Trevor stop being angry and horney-" "Then why even get up?!?"
April 28th
* "What the fuck is spider homework?"
* "I think he's mixing up a lobotomy with a circumcision" "Getting those surgeries mixed up is terrible regardless of which you get"
* "He's completed his spider-thesis, now he will show us what he's learned..." "Anime"
April 29th
* "I don't want anyone to summon my dad in a Harley-Davidson gacha."
April 30th
* [Italian Mobster voice] "Boss, we can only pour so much fly fish into the water supply."
=== May ===
May 3rd
* "I choose to believe that Captain America was bitten by a radioactive, polio-stricken FDR"
* "Behold Ironman! This is the power I gained from appropriating Chinese culture!"
May 4th
* "I'm sorry I can't force myself to believe that Trevor is a real person"
May 5th
* "Ah yes, Spider-Man's greatest nemesis, the Crowbar Gang"
* Thug: [mumbles in criminal] Spiderman: WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT? Thug: ... Spiderman: Nobody, huh? The fairy-fucking-godmother said it
* Uncle: Jackieee. One more thing. Taiwan not real country
May 7th
* "Ah yes. Termina's most important fauna. The Save Owl."
* "Hisao didn't get a Pacemaker and instead went to private school. Tony Stark did get a Pacemaker but had to go to public school"
May 9th
* "Elder Scrolls VI is just going to be a little urn containing the ashes of an intern that died during crunch. Pour it into your system."
* "She really wants the blue skeleton cock from Sans Yggdrasil"
* "Here's your Steve Urkel glasses" "Thank god, if I didn't have them I wouldn't be able to express my anger"
* "Ainz flies to the top of the stage 'I will be the Toppu Stah'. The Laughing Salesman and the Giraffe 'Wakarimasu' in unison"
May 13th
* "Don't ruin ritual suicide for me." "I don't understand why we can't go out for karaoke."
* "On the other hand, titties." "Really isn't that how we should all celebrate mother's day." [sharp inhale]
May 15th
* "Lorian Onii-Sama, I need your cummies"
May 18th
* "Mt. St. Helens 2: Bigger, Better, Stronger" "Noooooooooo"
* "Let's get Lincoln back. I don't think he finished his second term." "........... Why?"
May 19th
* "Uno is an accurate simulation of what it feels like to have student debt"
* "This is the worst Oregon Trail. Quill died playing the first hand of Uno"
May 20th
* "The artist of Soul Eater is making another series." "Is it Soul Eater Not Again?"
May 21st
* "I don't know what I like better, the fact that the old woman canonically knows Judo or that Zombies are canonically immune to Judo"
May 24th
memes
May 25th
* "In the Ancient Tongue, Kulve Taroth roughly translates to 'Dope-Ass Jagras.'"
May 31th
* "Bleach Speedrun Gothic"
=== June ===
June 2nd
* DK Lore: Dream Universe 29 Trevor, after his date with a milf porn star, tries to return something she dropped, only to find she is involved in a Xiaolin Showdown. After rescuing her, Trevor settles down and starts a Chinese restaurant only to have customers constantly walk in and break his furniture. Trevor calls Thomas to have him help solve the problem. After finishing the call with Trevor, Thomas is killed in the phone booth by Merry. "You've diddled your own peen for the last time" Merry says as she stabs him with a gun. Josh and Quill have to solve the mystery dressed up as Sherlock Holmes and Watson
June 8th
* "You realize you can't take an castle on an adventure" "Yes, but this is Anthony, he's probably looking for a stat block to put wheels on that castle as we speak" "You imply Anthony knows what wheels are"
June 11th
* "Man the Dragonforce would be a lot more effective if they weren't so fucking far away."
* "If you went up to Barragan and asked him 'How old are you', he would say 'How did you get in here?'"
June 13th
* "I fear not the Space Program that sacrificed 86 astronauts. I fear the Space Program that sacrificed the same 2 astronauts 86 times."
June 16th
* "Your kingdom is built on a Throne of Lies, Steve Harvey"
* 
June 18th
* [Muffled 'Power up the bass cannon' in the distance]
Category:Non-Canon