Hushed Feelings (Story)

Hushed Feelings, formerly named Suppressed Feelings, was originally a one-shot written in August 2017. It was later fully rewritten from scratch in February 2021 due to lore updates that filled the original story with inaccuracies. Also the writing was bad lol
==Summary==
Roughly a year after the events in Solo.
Despite still struggling with his romantic feelings for him, Blade is going to hang out with his friend Ron for what he hopes will be a fun uneventful day.
Although he's gotten better at ignoring his crush and just enjoying their friendship, Ron thinks it's about time they talk about something that they've both been avoiding and just stop keeping secrets.
==Hushed Feelings==
It was a warm sunny day in the Rem Forest, and Blade just looked out the stretched path, leaning against one of the many old statues that decorated the forest. This particular statue, featuring some ancient religious Drimare figure that he couldn't be bothered to identify, had been adopted as a meeting place for him and his best friend Ron whenever they'd hang out together.
It was oddly positioned just between the two neighbourhoods they lived in, which often proved to be quite convenient for them. They could just say "Let's meet by the statue" and despite the ridiculous amount of ancient forest ruins spread around, they'd both still know exactly which one they were talking about.
Blade had been waiting for a while, simply listening to music to help pass the time. However, his shuffled music queue had been cursing him with nothing but sad angsty songs lately. Fitting enough, for the past year or so, Blade's good mood just wasn't what it used to be, he was just lost and unmotivated, often feeling numb and depressed, his moods sometimes triggered by the most meaningless and smallest of events.
He called them his "off days", and Ron had some pretty strong opinions about them.
He absolutely despised them, nagging Blade relentlessly about it, asking him to tell what was wrong and if he could help in any way. Blade felt like he worried a bit too much... He thought with a light blush, skipping the sad songs to find something that could just get him in a better mood before Ron would show up. He knew he was hanging out with Zelly, doing whatever it was that couples did when they were on dates, but they should be done eventually.
A song about one-sided love came up and Blade rolled his eyes in annoyance. Either this sad crap was all he ever listened to lately, or his shuffle was trying to send him a message on how to feel today. He really didn't want to think about his crush again, he had just beaten his one-month record of not relapsing about it. But as the singer whined in the song about how sad they were over their love running away with someone else, Blade really felt like he was being antagonized by his own music taste.
It was whatever. He might as well be over it. He knew there was literally no chance whatsoever that Ron and Zelly would break up, that Ron would so happen to also like boys and that he'd want to date his ex's brother of all people! Blade furrowed his brow. Great. Now he WAS thinking about it again.
He loved hanging out and being with him, but the way he made him feel weak to his knees like he was a little high-school boy with a crush was just so frustrating. Blade let himself fall and sat down on the grass with a sigh. He was using up all of his mental strength to not think about it, rather than falling into the comfort of his fake self-indulgent fantasies. He closed his eyes shut, hiding his face on his knees, of all the times to start relapsing, why did it have to be now?! Stupid crush...
A few moments went by and his ears suddenly perked up, hearing the sound of two sets of steps approaching. He looked up to see who it was and, predictably, he saw them. Zelly and Ron were in the distance, kissing each other goodbye before he saw his sister leaving through an alternate path as the two smiled and waved. Blade wondered if she actually had to go somewhere else or if they were avoiding him to not be awkward.
He tried composing himself. He knew the sight of the two of them would always give him a sick and heavy feeling to his stomach, and yet, he still chose to stare anyway. The two of them had been dating for around a year now, and he knew he should just stop pining and move on. Thinking about Ron that way without him knowing always made him feel like a creep, and while he did feel somewhat content that the both of them were happy, he could never shake off the discomfort of his heart dropping whenever he saw them.
The way they were all... lovey-dovey, it filled him with a feeling akin to cringe, and he hated it. He hated feeling that they were the ones who were wrong when he knew that he was the problem. The way Ron would stare at her, Blade would often wonder how it would feel to be the one looked at in that way, longingly... lovingly... Stupid! Just stop thinking about these things about your friend, you stupid freak! He's taken, get over it!
Blade quickly shook his head before his friend would start heading his way. Clear thoughts... He was going to hang out with his best friend, things would be normal and fun and not weird whatsoever! And he for SURE wasn't going to cry himself to sleep tonight again! He twirled his thumbs as Ron approached, his happy smile to see him was as bright as always.
- Well, you're here early. - Ron commented with a chuckle and Blade couldn't help but grin at him, he was right. Blade's tendency to oversleep often made him be the one leaving Ron waiting out for him, but of course, there was never any resentment for it. After all, Ron had no problem in abusing their open door policy and be the one to wake him up himself.
- Yeah, I wasn't really doing anything in the house, so I thought I'd... You know... Just get some air while waiting for you. - Blade spoke with a meek playful smile, but he noticed Ron furrowing his brow and kneeling in front of him.
- Oddly suspicious. What's the occasion?
- Huh... - He thought for a bit - Laundry... day. Yeah, laundry day!
- You stinking liar, you're having an off day, aren't you? -
- What? - Blade laughed - You don't feel off when you do laundry?
- I do and it sucks. - He pouted - BUT. You get up early, ARRIVE early AND tell me you did laundry? Did I forget our friendship anniversary?
- We got one of those?
- I dunno, B. Do we?
Blade couldn't help but laugh with this, and Ron's expression seemed to relax. Blade called his friend's worry a nag, but he did appreciate how much he cared, even if it did get annoying at times - Can we go to the café? I'm like, really craving a cupcake right now.
- AND you're craving sweets?! - Ron looked more shocked by this than anything else - What did you do with my friend?! The real Blade only eats gross salty garbage all the time!
- Not ALL the time! - He huffed - Maybe I'm tired of being salty, you know?
- So you're trying to be sweet instead? - Ron laughed and Blade couldn't help but blush.
- Something like that...! - He looked down timidly.
- Aight! Let's get you a cupcake, then! - Ron helped him up - So, it's not an off day, but it's clearly not a normal day, either. Could it be the ever-elusive "on" day?
- Hehe... Is that not just a normal day? I'm allowed to be giddy!
- An "on" day is BETTER than a normal day.
- Well, I guess it's not an "on" day... Whatever that is... - Blade looked thoughtful as they walked - I do still feel off, but it's like... I can't just sit around being all bummed out all the time, you know...?
Ron looked worriedly at him and Blade regretted saying this when he saw his expression - Is something wrong, B...?
- No, I'm fine! Weird wording, sorry. - He chuckled - Just... Sometimes you get bummed out and just gotta say yeah fuck it, I have plans today, I don't have time to be a downer.
- I'm surprised to hear you say that, haha... - Ron chuckled - No offense but you don't really live up to those words. How many times have I had to pick you up now?
- I am trying! Today, I got up, and decided that I am grabbing a snack with my friend Ron, rather than being all gloomy and getting you all worked up for no reason. - He looked smugly and Ron raised his fists.
- I don't get worked up for no reason! I just want to smack the sad outta you! - He cracked his knuckles on his good hand and looked determined - That's a good reason, isn't it?
- You worry a bit too much, you know? - Blade chuckled - I mean like, even when nothing's wrong, you still ask it a lot...
- Well, it's not like you ever tell me about anything anymore... - Ron spoke worriedly - If I don't ask, you'll just keep on being secretly sad about things until you explode... It's a precaution.
Blade felt guilty with his response, mostly because he knew he was right - I know, I just... really don't want to worry you, is all... Besides! You don't tell me as many things either because you got Zel now... - He voice got quiet, but as he noticed his mood dropping, he immediately perked up - You'd totally snitch on me!
Ron was staring at him unamused, arms crossed - I would not snitch on you, B. It's basic bro code.
- That's what you want me to believe. - He grinned and Ron offered a smile.
- And in my defense! I know you're going through your own totally mysterious issues and all, which is why I don't share as much... I don't want to end up adding to it, y'know...?
Blade couldn't help but laugh a bit - What mysterious issues? You know I still have time to listen to you... - His expression looked genuine - I want to listen to you, you're not adding anything to my supposed "issues." - He grinned - If anything, it helps me forget because I can focus on helping...
- Uhm... I dunno, B... I really think it would if I told you what's on my mind. - He offered a smile - Aaand... If you do want to hear all the juicy gossip I've been keeping from you, you're gonna have to share your mysteries yourself!
- Hmm... Depends on how juicy this gossip is... You're gonna have to bribe me real hard to get me to reveal my secrets.
- Fair enough! What if I told you... Uhm... - He seemed to think for a bit, wondering if it was even right to finally go through with this - Okay... What if I told you I have a question I have always wanted to ask?
Blade stared dubiously at him - I would ask why you're not telling me what it is? - He stuck out his tongue playfully - That's not a bribe, I'm not that curious!
- I don't ask because I know you'll get all fussy and whiny about it! - He looked back at Blade who eyed him curiously - Besides, I also don't ask because I know you wouldn't tell me... Or you'd come up with some dumb fake excuse as to why you can't tell me. Like saying you gotta do laundry or some junk.
- Is this about my songs? You know they're private and extremely personal! - Blade scoffed with a blush, he couldn't let Ron know he was his muse at times. How weird would it be if he found out he was writing corny poems about him?! That would certainly be awkward to explain.
- It's not about your songs, BUT that's also something I'm curious about! You used to share them with me, what happened...?
Blade rubbed his arm a bit self-conscious. He happened. - Hah... I guess I've become more of a perfectionist in my writing... I really don't think they're good, and it gets me all worked up knowing I used to share something that bad with you before!
- Aww, really...? I thought they were nice.
- If I come up with something good, I'll show you, alright?
- They're already good, though!
- Tsk. - Blade grinned with a smug look - It's not my fault you don't have any standards.
- I'll fight you. My standards are great! - Ron spoke and Blade snickered - If the stuff you're doing now is twice as great as what you showed me in the past, then I'm sure you're doing great!
- Y-You don't know that...! - Blade blushed with his comment. He knew his writing was improving, but with how much he wrote about his feelings and his dumb crush, it would be too risky to share.
- Maybe I don't know, but! I believe what I'm saying! - He spoke reassuringly and Blade looked at the ground timidly - But... That's not what I actually wanted to ask.
Ron noticed Blade's ears perking up as he looked at him from the side - What else could possibly make me all fussy and whiny? I got nothing. - He spoke but he couldn't help but dread whatever Ron had in mind.
- Actually, you... might want to sit down for this one... - Ron chuckled awkwardly and Blade looked nervous at him - It's important and... - He stopped. Blade's expression was like one of a deer in headlights.
- ...? Why? Why do we have to sit down? Is it... Is it bad?
- N-Not really it's-
- No...! Don't tell me... - Blade stopped and looked horrified at him - Is Zelly pregnant?! 
- W-WHAT?! - Ron made a face looking he was both laughing and looking disgusted as he began to laugh out loud - NO! W-We haven't even-! NO! This has nothing to do with that!
- Oh Dawn... - Blade placed his hand on his chest - For a moment I was about to puke... I'm not ready to be an uncle...
But Ron didn't respond, unable to help his laughing fit, he held his stomach and placed his other hand on Blade's shoulder in an attempt at being sympathetic but it came across more like he was holding on to him for balance - Y-You're not...!
- Not an uncle, I get it. - He rolled his eyes. His laughter was terribly contagious - Heh... I think you're the one who needs to sit down. - He chuckled.
- Damn it, Blade! - He giggled - I was going to ask something serious and important!
- Hey, I need to know these things! Knowing whether I'm going to become an uncle or not, is very serious AND important!
Ron burst out laughing again and Blade helped him sit down on the grass - Ow... Hahaha... Everything hurts... - He laid down instead and hugged his stomach while still giggling - Please never say anything like that again! You are literally killing me right now! Oww...
Blade couldn't help but chuckle with this. Even if this was no laughing matter, the way Ron kept repeating the word "uncle" to himself and laughing was just a bit too ridiculous and yet, extremely endearing - Take your time! I'll just be sitting here, waiting for you to give me the big non-pregnancy related news.
- B, I am literally dying right now!
- Hehe... I know, sorry. Are you okay?
Ron took a deep breath, and exhaled, sitting up and wiping the grass off of his back - Okay... I am... okay... - He looked at Blade who was giving him an admittedly adorable smile and blushed - ...Are YOU okay?
- Uhum. - Blade blushed as well and looked away - I am now.
- Good! Because I still have something serious to ask and this whole thing just killed the mood for it! - He spoke and Blade chuckled.
- Oh nooo, you won't have to ask me something awkward and weird! I am sooo upset right now!
- Yeah, you always do that! You can't keep avoiding and dodging important questions forever!
- Just watch me! When it comes to avoiding important matters, I am simply the best there is!
- Okay! Now stop joking!
Blade raised his hands and closed his eyes, as if clearing his mind - ...Okay. I am serious. - He opened one of his eyes to glance at him - You better not ask me anything weird.
- Oh... Yeah, sorry B, but it is weird. Probably not as weird as you becoming an uncle, but weird nonetheless... - He frowned and sat cross-legged in front of him - Okay so, nothing prompted this BUT, it has been on my mind for a while and I'm sure you'll know exactly what I'm referring to.
- Just say it! The waiting is starting to freak me out.
- Okay uhm... The question is... What's on your mind?
Blade tilted his head with this odd question - What...?
- What's on your mind? - Ron repeated himself, looking at him with a worried look, holding his own hands a bit nervously.
- Mostly how weird that question is... Other than that... - He shrugged in response.
Ron rubbed his arm awkwardly - Yeah you know by now I'm not really good at confrontation...
- I'm really not following... Is this a trick question...?
- No, I just... I need to know what's been going on with you these past months... That's what I'm trying to ask! - He tried to speak firmly but he couldn't help but sound worried - This is a confrontation.
Blade looked frozen at him, tensing up - What...? Oh... But I'm fine... Did I say anything weird? Was it something I did...?
- No no! I know you're fine today! I think... But on the other days... You know, the...
- My "off" days, yeah... - he muttered, looking at the side.
- Yeah...! You say you're fine, but I know you aren't, and you know it kills me that I don't know what I can do to help you... You insist that you can deal with those feelings by yourself, but you shouldn't have to...!
Blade remained quiet, still grabbing at his own arms as he sat quietly, so much for avoiding the topic - . . .
- You're not alone...! You can trust me... - Ron spoke almost as if pleading for him to speak.
Blade continued to stay silent then looked at him, his expression pained - How strong would you say your trust is...? Like, how easily could I break it...?
- You can tell me anything! I just need you to talk with me...
- I don't think I can... Not about this... - Blade spoke softly, hugging his legs - I feel like you'd hate me and leave me if I told you...
- Come on, B... I refuse to believe it's that bad...
- It is... - His voice got quiet, he tried to think of ways to dismiss the topic but to no avail.
- Well, if it is THAT bad then now you HAVE to tell me... - Ron crossed his arms, trying to appear stern, but he noticed how Blade was starting to get antsy with the pressure.
- I... I don't...! It's better if you just don't worry about it... It's not a big deal, really... - He could feel Ron's staring with his response.
- No... Enough beating around the bush. Neither of us is getting up from here until you tell me what's been going on with you...!
Blade tried to remain calm but his anxiety was quickly starting to make him feel overwhelmed - Please don't do this... - He closed his eyes shut as he carved his fingers on his arms - Don't make me think about this again... 
Ron paused for a bit, he didn't want be stressing him out anymore than what he already was - I want to help you... You're hurting, I know you are...! But you don't have to... - He gazed at Blade who, out of nervous habit, just hid his face.
- This isn't helping... - He spoke quietly - I'm getting better, I was getting better, just let me forget...
- You just don't have to do it all by yourself...
- But I want to! - He snapped angrily, and as he noticed Ron's surprised expression, he immediately regretted it, with his ears lowering as he grew anxious.
- I just...
- I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell! - Blade recoiled again, past memories of an old fight were resurfacing - O-Oh no no no... It's happening again... I can't stop it...!
- B, I'm not mad! You don't have to be either! - Ron spoke, placing a firm hand on his shoulder, which seemed to help Blade ground himself somewhat.
- Why did you have to ask something like this...? Why couldn't we just have a fun normal day...?
- Because it wouldn't be normal... - He sighed sadly - Is this still about me and Zel...?
Blade grew quiet. He supposed it would be better if he thought it was that, rather than the reality. He could never tell him the truth, no matter how much his heart ached for it. Not without permanently damaging their friendship.
- Is it or not...? - Ron asked softly - I promise I won't get mad if it is... Or anything about me... Or about her... I won't be mad... - He spoke but Blade looked at him with a distressed look.
- What's something that would get you mad?
- Excuse me...?
- I just feel like you would get mad at me if I told you the truth... - He looked ahead - Besides...! You literally can't do anything about it! It's why I don't tell you! It would just make things weird between us and get you to think I'm gross and... - He felt Ron holding his hand tightly and stopped, his heart still trying to beat itself off of his chest.
- I promise I won't think any of those things... Maybe I might even... react more positively than you thought...? Have you considered that?
Blade sighed sadly and hid his head on his knees, using his free hand to cover his face - As if...
- Please trust me...
- The thing is... I'm not even sure why I feel this way... It makes no sense... It's stupid, and I just want it to go away...
- I'm listening...
The way Ron kept holding his hand just made Blade all the more flustered. Was this it? Was he finally going to destroy their friendship? - I want it to go away...! I don't want to feel like this! I swear I don't...
- It's okay... Some feelings are... harder to control... I know you're not a bad guy for thinking certain things...
- Th-Then why do I feel like I am...?!
Ron looked worried for a bit - ...I can't read your mind so you're gonna have to tell me.
Blade looked at him pleadingly - ...Please don't hate me... I can't deal with the thought of losing you again.
- I promise I won't...
Blade pulled his hand away and put some distance between the two of them as Ron eyed him uncertainly. He seemed like he was preparing to speak but his throat felt as dry as the desert.
- I'm... I mean... You... Uhm... - He started, stuttering between words.
- Yes...?
- I... I have a crush on someone! - Blade suddenly spoke.
Ron blinked surprised with this - Is that so...? - He wondered if his assumptions about him had been wrong all along, but of course he knew what the truth was. He supposed he had to entertain this - Who is it? Do they know? - He asked with a soft smile.
Blade looked pale, feeling light-headed like he was about to pass out at any second, why did he have say it like that?! - I can't tell you...! Can we please drop it now?!
Ron approached him as Blade hugged himself - Have you ever tried telling... him... how you feel?
- Excuse me?! WHY WOULD YOU ASSUME IT'S A HIM?! - Blade looked a mix of offended and fearful.
- I might only be half-blind, but I do have a functioning brain, y'know?
- You know I like girls!
- I'm not saying you don't but... I feel like if it was a girl, you would have probably told her by now...
- It's not like that...! I just can't tell him because...! - He froze, choking on his words, his heart dropping as he realized he gave himself away.
- Because...?
Blade looked terrified at him and backed away, shaking his head flustered, muttering "no no no" to himself over and over again until he backed himself into a tree, his back hitting against it making him yelp in surprise.
He looked back at Ron who gave him a worried look - ...You okay? - Ron asked.
- What do you know?!
Ron looked guilty with this question, he realized that maybe acting like he knew something he didn't, just wasn't the best approach - Well... - He reached closer to sit next to him again - Nothing, actually... I just had some suspicions. Things I've heard and seen from you...
- . . . - Blade just looked down timidly without a word.
- And you're really bad at hiding your feelings... So it's really hard not to tell when something's up...
- Wow... Thanks for that...
- I'm not mad... Or upset that you like guys...
- But that's the thing! I don't! I never did! I always liked girls! - He looked exasperated - Then this guy comes along and just throws my head in for a loop! What am I supposed to do about that?!
- You could... - Played with his thumbs timidly - You could tell him... I'm sure he'd understand... I know I do...
Blade looked down in guilt as his eyes started to water - I can't... Damn it! I'm a freak, I can't do that! He's all my mind thinks about and I know he would never feel the same way! - He cried out - He'd be disgusted by how much I think about him and by the things I think about when we're together...
- Aren't you friends...? Why would he feel that way about his friend...? I wouldn't...
- He's... - He swallowed in dry - He's already with someone else... 
- Oh... - Ron looked awkwardly, rubbing his arm. For some reason, hearing this made his chest feel heavy with guilt - I'm sorry...
- And I'm sitting there just... Being a bit too happy to just be around him... And being a creep and wondering how it would feel to kiss him, and I just... - He bawled in shame - I WISH I DIDN'T FEEL THIS WAY! I HATE MYSELF FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO FORGET AND MOVE ON ABOUT IT!
Ron wasn't sure how to react to everything his friend had just told him, let alone if Blade knew that Ron was aware that he was talking about him - I always suspected it... - He muttered, hugging his crying friend.
- It's not like I'll ever have a chance, so why does my brain insist on thinking about it?! I want it to stop, but it won't and it hurts so much all the time! I don't know what I'm doing wrong! I was forgetting about it, but you had to bring it back!
- It's okay... You don't have to deal with this alone... But you'll have to tell him eventually so the two of you maybe can... try and work something out...
- I can't...! I feel disgusting just talking about it...
- You're not disgusting... - Ron mumbled and thought for a bit, wondering what would be the best way to get him to talk without startling him too much - How about we... roleplay it? You know... For practice... When you tell him...
- What...? - Blade eyed him with a confused look - What do you mean "roleplay"?
- Pretend I'm this mysterious guy you like and... just talk to me like you would talk to him... What would you tell me...?
Blade let go of him and got flustered - I don't think I can do that... It's too weird...
- Just try it...
- Okay... - Blade looked at him, eyes puffy and cheeks red from crying - Ron... I... Uhm... - He rubbed his arm shyly - I have something I need to tell you...
- Uhum...
- I know th-this is super weird because we've been best friends for years b-but I... - He lowered his head looking flustered at the side, Ron was holding on to every word - I have something important to tell you about...
- You can tell me... - Ron spoke gently, he wanted to grab his hand to reassure him, but he stopped himself not to distract him.
- The truth is that... I'm in love with you, Ron! - He looked desperate at him - I have been for so many years a-and I could never tell you because...!
- You thought I wouldn't understand... - Ron muttered. The two stared at each other in silence. Ron noticed how Blade wasn't hiding his face for once, looking pleading at him instead - It's me, isn't it...?
- It's always been you... - Blade spoke softly, tearing up again, the brief moment of calm quickly lost as he became overwhelmed by emotion again - ...I'm sorry... I'm so so sorry... - He covered his face in shame again, curling on himself as he bawled - I don't want to feel this way...
- I... always suspected it... - Ron seemed unsure how to respond, only approaching him to hold him close. He felt like he should have felt uncomfortable with his friend basically admitting he thought about kissing him when they were together, but... For some reason this didn't bother him.
- For how long have you known?! You're disgusted by me, aren't you...?! - Blade cried out but Ron sat in silence. He looked thoughtful as his head was heavy with thoughts of what was happening.
- I'm not... I... I've always known... - He spoke sadly - Or at least since that first night at Rust's... You didn't tell me but... - He rubbed his arm in guilt - I knew it wasn't only because of your sister...
- And you didn't tell me...?
- I tried to give you a chance to say it...! But when you didn't, I... - He looked at the side - I wasn't sure if you actually felt that way or not... B-Besides I thought I made it pretty obvious I knew...
Blade just looked even more flustered, looking like he wanted to disappear - You've always known... - He laughed a mournful laugh, hiding his face as tears were still streaming down his cheeks - Hah... Haha... I'm going to throw up... I can't believe this...
Ron blinked surprised, was this really that much of a surprise to him? - You mean you didn't know I knew about it...?
- NO?!? - He looked distressed at him - Y-You think I'd be out here if I knew that?!
- B... - Ron gave him an uncertain look - I thought this was what we were doing... Just, avoiding the obvious... Beating around the bush... Did you actually think I hadn't noticed...?
- Yes?!? I never did anything to show it! - He looked more and more exasperated. Hearing what he thought was his most well-kept secret, in reality, wasn't as secret as he thought. It was mind-blowing for him. Blade always knew that Ron was a lot more perceptive than he let on, hiding under a naive facade, but even then, he never thought he'd know about this...
- You really aren't subtle, you know that...? You sometimes zone out looking at me... Apparently, you're thinking about smooching...?
- I-IT'S NOT LIKE THAT, I SWEAR...! - He flushed red and closed his eyes, clenching his fists - I don't want to be here... There's no way we can still be friends after this...!
Ron approached him, to which Blade immediately put distance between them - We can work something out...
- W-What...? - Blade couldn't face him, he just felt way too embarrassed.
- I still want to be friends but... Knowing how much this hurts you... I feel like it's selfish of me. - He spoke softly - Maybe we should stop seeing each other...
Blade looked shocked with this - ...?! N-No! No, please... - He spoke almost like he was begging, approaching him again - P-Please don't leave...! You promised!
- I'm not leaving! I just... - He blushed, looking at the side - Maybe you need some time apart... To help you move on...
- Please don't do this...! I really don't think about it as much anymore! B-Besides, you know I'd never act out on it! I know you're with Zel...! I respect that!
- I know but... - His look was hard to resist, it was heartbreaking. In a way, the two of them were already distant, with Blade sometimes just completely missing out on their hangouts because of his supposed off days. Ron would go pick him up, only to find him just depressed at home, with hardly any energy to get up from bed.
During these days, he'd keep him company, even though Blade would be unresponsive to any questions about his current mood, no matter how much he was hurting. Couldn't be more distant than that...
Ron held his own hands thoughtfully, he wondered if it really was fair to him. After nearly a year of being pushed away constantly, now when Blade finally confessed, Ron's response was to push him away. It felt like he was punishing him for finally opening up, and isolating him further just seemed cruel - I just want to help... - He continued.
- I'll never do anything I swear! I won't have weird thoughts or look at you weird! I will never bring anything up ever! Just p-please don't stop being my friend! - He hugged himself, lowering his head submissively, Ron just wanted to comfort him, but Blade refused to be approached.
- B, you're allowed to still feel those things... I just that it seems that my... presence... It encourages it... Or triggers it I guess...? And you just end up hurting more...
- N-No...! P-Please...! I'm s-sorry...! I-I'll be better, I swear...! - Blade tried to keep begging but his words turned into sad choked up sobs, with his apologies getting mixed with his bawling - P-Please, d-don't leave again...!
Ron closed his eyes, tearing up. He really couldn't do the stern act no matter how much he tried. He reached to hold him close, noticing how Blade was tensed up and held his arms tighter. It was like he was keeping himself from hugging him back, as to prove how much he wasn't going to act on his feelings - O-okay okay shh shhhh... We'll figure something else we can do... Please calm down... I'm here, I'm not going to leave you... - His heart felt heavy, it was like nothing he had ever felt before. All he knew was that he wanted to hold on to him, close to his chest, and never let go...
- I'm s-sorry... I'm s-so sorry... I d-don't want to cry all the time...! I hate it...! I don't want to guilt you, b-but I can't stop being a stupid crying baby all the time...!
- It's okay, I'm not judging... - Ron spoke softly, placing his head on top of his - You've done enough holding in already...
They were quiet for a short while, with only the quiet weeping noises to be heard, though Ron could feel his friend trembling in his arms - This feels like torture... The way you're holding me... - He muttered and Ron looked quietly.
- You can hug me back, you know...? It's fine...
Blade laughed sadly - Nooo... Hah... If I do, I'll never let go... - He wept, lowering his head and held his arms tighter.
- I wouldn't mind... 
- Just why...? Why are you tormenting me like this...? - He kept his arms close to himself, clearly fighting against his urge to hold on to him - A-Are you testing me to see how much I really won't act out on my feelings...? Is that what this is...?
- You know it isn't...
- Then why does it feel like it...?
- I just... I don't want you to feel alone... - Ron spoke, holding his body close. He was already so small, that when curled up this, it made him all the more difficult to hold on to.
Blade shook his head with his eyes shut tightly as his voice was trembling - I won't act out... I won't... I'm unfeeling... This means nothing to me...
- You're not unfeeling... You're literally the most sensitive guy I know... Which isn't a bad thing, of course...
- N-No...! You're wrong! Hah... You're so fooled... You're just my friend... I'm not in love with you...
- B... You don't have to go in full denial... I trust you won't do anything, like you said you wouldn't...
- I'm not...! You don't make days brighter... Not at all!
- You make mine... - Ron responded softly, to which Blade paused with a quiet gasp, flushing red and covered his face with his hands.
- N-No... I don't... All I ever do is make you feel sad and angry all the time with my stupid fits... You're just saying that to try and make me feel better...
- I'm saying something that is true... But I'm not angry... I'm really not... Sad maybe, but it's only because you are as well.
The two sat in silence again, while Blade still refused to hug him back, Ron was petting his head and could still feel him leaning his head towards his chest.
- Aren't you uncomfortable sitting all tensed up like that...? - Ron spoke worriedly - I feel like hugging a rock...
- Nope. Th-This is fine. It's what I deserve!
- You're lucky I feel sad else I'd smack you for that dumb comment alone... - Blade laughed sadly but Ron continued - How are you feeling...?
- Hah... I wish we were at the café right now... Which would mean I would have never told you about this... And things would be fine and fun and normal... I'd be eating my cupcake and you'd be eating your gross mint chocolate ice-cream and making fun of me because I think it's an abomination... - He smiled sadly and whimpered - Instead, you're here wasting your time being worried about me... You could be hanging out with Zel or Rust or whoever...
- I'm not wasting my time. - He looked down at him, holding his hand tightly - Don't you feel even the slightest bit relieved for getting it out of your chest...?
Blade looked quiet. He knew he was but, he couldn't help but not want to admit it to himself - I don't know if I should feel relieved... I feel like you're just going to be secretly grossed out by me all the time... I bet you are grossed out right now...
- Of course not... Why else would I be holding you like this? - He let out a weak smile and sighed pensively - I was just surprised to hear you say it... Part of me still felt like I was just imagining things... Or... - He looked at the side - Projecting something I guess...
- I'm sorry... - Blade looked sadly at his hand which Ron was still holding tight - Please don't tell Zel...
- U-Uh... - Ron looked embarrassed - You do realize she already knows, right...?
- W-WHAT?! - Blade looked shocked at him - What do you mean "she knows"?!
- Hey, I didn't tell her anything! - He raised his hands defensively - She's just more perceptive, and apparently, you made it even more obvious to her than you did with me, so...
- I... I guess I did?? - He tried to wrap his head around it, trying to recall any of their conversations - W-Wait a minute, what does she know?
- Either that you swing both ways or that you're into me or... both of those things?
Blade gave him a dumbfounded look and seemed at a loss for words - ...I can't believe you've BOTH been conspiring against me behind my back...!
- It's not conspiring, we... We were just worried about you...
- W-We'll... Please don't tell her I basically confirmed it...?!
- Of course not... It's not my place...
Blade noticed how Ron just seemed to get lost in thought again. He was holding his own hands and seemed distant, almost if he was feeling guilty. Blade felt embarrassed over his fit, backing away once more, and looking down in shame - I'm sorry...
- ...?! - Ron seemed to snap out of his trance - What...? What for...?
- I'm sorry I'm such a pain to you... - He looked back at him - Are you doing okay...?
- Me...? - Ron looked surprised at him with a soft blush on his cheeks, but he quickly looked away, composing himself - I'm... Relieved... I'm just sad I couldn't have talked to you earlier... Trust me... You're not the only one who was scared shitless of having this conversation...
- Why were you even scared...? It's not like you have anything to hide...
- Right...
- Right...? - Blade gave him an odd look but Ron dismissed it.
- I'm just glad you finally told me... Even if I had to twist your arm to get you to say anything...
Blade looked down once again - I actually was getting over it... I want it to be a thing of the past, not have you worried or weirded out by me now... - He sighed - And I'm sorry about the things I said...
- You really don't have to apologize... These things happen... - He looked distant again - I'm sorry I couldn't make you feel like you could talk to me...
- It's not your fault... I just start hating myself a lot that I convince myself that everyone feels the same...
Ron looked back at him - I don't hate you...
- Yeah... - He responded quietly - Also you don't have to worry about the... thing...
- The thing? - Ron looked quizzically at him and noticed Blade getting flushed again - What thing...?
- The... - His voice got quiet as he couldn't bear to look him in the eyes - The kissing thing...
- O-Oh... - He blushed - I mean... I know you won't...
- I-I was speaking without thinking! I would never think anything like that!
Somehow, Ron knew this wasn't true, but he didn't want to be tormenting him any longer than he had to - It's fine... I trust you...
Blade was back to looking flustered. Yeah, there was no way Ron didn't know that was a blatant lie, but he felt the mutual understanding of just letting it slide. And much as if on cue, he heard the sound of his stomach grumbling. Remaining motionless, he lowered his ears, feeling even more embarrassed - Shit...
This seemed to break the ice a bit as Ron chuckled awkwardly - Hey...
- Uhm...?
- Are you still craving cupcakes...? - He offered a smile and Blade blushed, looking down at his hands.
- Appetite's kinda dead...
- How about gross salty chips?
- You know... - Blade looked thoughtful then looked back at Ron - You call them gross but you still ask if you can have any when I'm eating them...
- Of course! I don't want you getting too salty!
- And by ask I mean that you just take like half of them...! Or more if I'm not looking!
- Stop ordering them, then! You're a tiny guy! All that salt can't possibly be healthy for you!
Blade let out a shy smile - You know I only let you get away with saying stuff like that because I like you, right?
- Oh no, trust me I am well aware. I don't take it for granted.
- But call me tiny guy one more time and it's your funeral. - He gave him a half smug half content smile.
- And there you are... He's back! - Ron looked kindly then grinned, noticing Blade looking back at him with a gentle smile on his face. Suddenly, Ron gasped, blushing when he felt Blade reaching in to hug him tightly.
- Just one hug and that's it, I can't allow myself more... - Blade spoke softly - You won't have to deal with me getting all up in your personal space again.
- You're so corny, B... - Ron smiled flustered, petting his head - There there...
- Hehe... Thank you... - He let go of him - You're really great... Thank you for caring about me...
- Heh... Yeah, I love you too...
- ...! - Blade looked surprised for a second and glanced flustered at the side.
- P-Platonically!
- Y-Yeah... I knew that... - Blade rubbed his arm - Just made me a little too happy is all... Best if you... avoid saying stuff like that...
- Oh... - He blushed - Of course...! I'll retire it from the vocabulary... - Ron smiled, they never really had trouble using the platonic "I love you" as friends before, but if it helped Blade better cope with his feelings, then Ron would be willing to do it.
As they got up to go on with their day, Ron still thought about what Blade had told him. Even if he knew about his feelings before, it still felt like a shock to hear it straight from him. And as relieved as he felt that they could finally relax about it all, part of him couldn't help but feel restless about it. Knowing about it was one thing, but the feeling he got from hearing him say it, and the way it made his heart flutter, it was... worrying...
Why was he worried about what Zelly would think...?
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