The Angry Birds Movie/Transcript

== Transcript ==
=== Chapter 1 ===
* (The film begins with Red running through the forest carrying a fake egg)
* Red: (panting) Okay. Come on, come on, come on, come on. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Come on, let's go. Let's go, buddy. Come on, come on, we gotta move, we gotta move. (He goes through a log and then falls down a cliff. He tries to fly.) Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! (He grunts as he starts falling.) No, no, no, no, no! (He grabs the fake egg.) Hey, hey, gotcha! (He swings on a vine. A snake gets caught on the vine.) (grunts) Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! (He and the snake scream at each other.) I don't like it! I don't like it! (He drops the fake egg, falls down a tree, and hits branches on the way down.) Beak! Wing! Tail! Ribs! Giblets! (He grabs the egg. A tree branch flings him up.) I'm flying! Nope, still can't fly. (He falls in water.) (burbling) I cannot believe this. Breathe, breathe. (He grabs fake egg, goes onto land and pulls a fish-like thing of himself.) Bottom feeder. (He goes up the treehouse.) Up and over! (He knocks then puts on a clown costume.) Ta-da! (A horn toots are heard in the background.)
* Timothy: (shrieking)
* Red: No, no, no, no. Look. It's okay. I'm just a clown.
* Timothy: (sobbing)
* Red: Oh, boy. That's a loud...loud...You're very scared of me. Here, come here.
* Timothy: (shrieking)
* Red: Nope. Okay. Nope. Never mind. (He tries to hand Timothy the fake egg.) Happy hatchday!
* Edward: Oh! Hi, pal. You must be so disappointed in yourself for being this late.
* Red: Oh, no. No, no, no, no. I'm not late, look at the time. See, the order said before noon.
* (The clock moves to noon.)
* Edward: Okay, now you're late.
* Red: What?
* Edward: Where have you been?
* Red: It's funny you ask. (A clown nose falls off of his beak.) You see I was...
* Edward: You missed the party. (He points at the fake egg.) What is that?
* Red: Oh, that. Uh, yeah. Yes, see, I fell on the box. (He opens the fake egg to reveal a birthday cake and a squirrel, who is eating the cake. Edward picks up the squirrel.) Oh, the squirrel? That's on us. (Edward throws the squirrel to the side.) You know, I tried to keep my body between the ground and the box, but, you know, I think I got a little bruise. (He shows Timothy his butt, which is missing a few feathers.) See anything back there?
* Timothy: Ugh.
* Edward: Hear that, honey? The clown we paid to be here an hour ago fell on our son's hatchday cake. That's why our son's hatchday party is ruined!
* Red: Oh!
* Edward: And the next you mess up, don't tell me a story, just take responsibility.
* Red: Hey, man, it wasn't a story.
* Edward: (mocking Red) I'm a screw-up that woke up late and fell on the thing you paid for! (Timothy mimics along with him.)
* Red: It wasn't a story. I almost drowned.
* Edward: "I'm really bad at my job and I'm late..." Why don't we just settle this out and say the cake's on you. (He points at Red.)
* Timothy: You.
* Red: I'm sorry, it's on me?
* Edward: Well, who else would it be on?
* Red: (laughs then sighs. He takes off his clown costume as he talks.) Well, you know, I... I'm not sure you're gonna like this, um, but since you asked. Rather than being on me, as you suggested, this cake IS ON YOU! (He slams the cake on Edward's face.) Ha! So, you wanna hear a story? (He dresses Edward in the clown costume as he talks.) I run my butt off, literally, mind you, to get the "gluten-free cake." What the heck is gluten? I mean, does gluten even exist?
* Eva: (trembling) Who are you?
* Edward: Get outta here!
* Red: Already? But you're the only one that's had cake. (He takes some cake off Edward's face.)
* Edward: What...
* Red: (eats some of the cake that he grabbed.) Mmm. Oh, that's good stuff. Mmm. Anybody want to eat some cake off their dad or husband?
* Timothy: Uh...
* Red: Who needs plates when you got this guy's face, right? (He laughs and goes as if to leave, then comes back.) Oh, oh, mmm! Oh, wait. I almost forgot. You know, I'm supposed to do a quick customer satisfaction survey before I, (whistles), split, okay? So, on a scale of one to three stars, what would say about my performance? (He starts to walk back.) And don't forget, the squirrel was... (distorted) free... (He trips on squirrel as he falls backwards right to a real egg in a nest.) Sorry about this!
* Edward: (distorted) No!
* Red: (distorted) My bad.
* (Red is stopped inches away from the egg by Edward, whose tail is being held by Eva, whose tail is being held by Timothy. He notices a piece of cake on the floor, and lets go to eat it. Everyone else then falls over.)
* Red: Congratulations!
* Edward: Huh?
* Eva: Oh!
* Red: (The egg is now broken, and he is upside down in it.) It's a boy!
* (A series of flashbacks begins as Black Sabbath's "Paranoid" play in the background. Red is standing in line. When the bird behind him tries to move up, he moves that bird back. He reads a comic book. A mime bird comes by, and he punches him. He is younger and is making a sculpture.)
* Young Bird: Hey, Eyebrows. (She laughs as she and the young birds whispered to each other. They have cut paper into eyebrow shapes.) Eyebrows!
* Four Young Birds: Eyebrows! (Red looks angry, then sad.)
* (Red's house shakes and a pot falls on Red, who is sleeping. He goes out to see a small bird kicking a ball toward his house. He kicks the small bird into the ocean. He is watching a play. A bird sneezes three times onto his popcorn. He then shoves the popcorn on his face. A doctor taps his leg. He punches the doctor. A girl bird waves, then winks. He winks back. She blows a kiss. He and another bird blow a kiss back. They move to go to her, and the other bird steps on Red. As he gets his head out of his lunchbox, he goes away with the girl bird. He indignantly kicks, but trips himself. An egg is in lost-and-found. It hatches, revealing an angry-looking Red. The series of flashbacks ends as the music ends.)
=== Chapter 2 ===
* (A court case is going on outside.)
* Eva: Your Honor, our family has always practiced natural child-hatch. The risks of having a scrambled infant are too great. There was going to be music. The nest was going to be full with beautiful, fresh-cut flowers. And the first two faces he was going to see were the loving faces of his mother and his father. (A tear falls on their baby.) We can never get that moment back.
* Red: Ma'am, I never wanted my face to be the first face your baby saw. I mean, what are we talking about here? He probably doesn't even remember me.
* Baby Bird: Daddy! (gasps from audience)
* Red: No, no, no. No. Shh. Shut up. Shut up. (Edward growls) Cool it.
* (A bird carves a picture of Red and the other birds.)
* Red: Ladies and gentlemen, am I a passionate bird? Yes. Guilty as can be. It was a quality cake. Look, I worked very hard to get it there, on time, and he wouldn't even try it!
* Judge Peckinpah: Mr. Red, we are a happy, happy bird community.
* All: Mmm-hmm.
* Judge Peckinpah: Under the protection of Mighty Eagle, (He points at a statue of Mighty Eagle.) we work, we play, we laugh, we love, and we live our lives free from conflict and strife, sir.
* Red: We love the sound of our own voice, too, evidently.
* Judge Peckinpah: Perhaps you never heard the joke, "Why don't birds fly?" I'm gonna tell you why. Because where else would we ever wanna go (He and the audience laugh.)
* Red: Wow, not a good joke.
* Judge Peckinpah: So now, what am I to make of the likes of you? There seems to be a recurring issue here. Anger. (murmurs from audience.)
* Red: (scoffs) I don't think I have an anger issue. I think you got an anger issue.
* (gasps from audience.)
* Judge Peckinpah: (walks to Red.) Anger is a weed growing in our garden. And what do you do when you find a weed?
* Red: I don't know, but I bet you're gonna tell me.
* Judge Peckinpah: You pluck it out!
* Mime: Oh my gosh.
* Judge Peckinpah: Mr. Red, when you moved your house outside of our village, did you notice that nobody tried to stop you? Birds may smile at you on the street, but that doesn't mean they like you.
* Red: Hey, you know what? I got a question for you. Are you aware that that robe that you're wearing isn't fooling anybody?
* [Judge Peckinpah lowers his head, as if he has something to hide.]
* Red: We all see you, prancing along the street, "Your Honor"! And you're what, and I'm just approximating here, LIKE AN INCH TALL!
* [Red suddenly grabs Peckinpah.]
* Judge Peckinpah: You... What are you doing?
* [Red pulls Peckinpah's robe to reveal he is actually a short bird standing on top of a taller bird. He sneezes, which moves him backwards and moves Peckinpah onto the floor.]
* Red: Violà! [gasps from audience.]
* Baby Bird: Daddy!
* Judge Peckinpah: Mister Red, given the severity of the crimes, I have no choice but to impose the maximum penalty allowed by the law: anger management class.
* Red: Uhhh... Pluck my life.
* [Red angrily walks out of the court.]
* Early Bird: Fresh worms, caught today. Hey, Red. How are ya?
* Red: Oh, I'm horrible.
* Stella: Oh, hi, Red. It's good to see you!
* Red: I wish I could say the same.
* Stella: Oh.
* Daddy Bird: [lifts his son over Red.] Upsy-daisy!
* Red: Aw! Ow. [Sarcastically.] Thank you.
* [A bird plays a saxophone, and Red takes another bird's apple and puts in in the saxophone]
* Monica: [Blocks Red's path with a flag.] Let's go.
* Red: Oh.
* [A bird leading some baby birds walks across the street.]
* Monica: How are you, Suzie? You good? No running, no running.
* [Monica lifts her flag, only to put it right back down.]
* Red: Oop. Come on.
* [More baby birds walk across.]
* Monica: Hey. How's that nap schedule coming along?
* Red: Oh boy. Ya guys ever thought about bird control?
* Hatchling: Oof!
* Red: Left, right, left, right, there ya go.
* [Monica hums. Red hums sarcastically.]
* Hatchling: Hey, hey. [sticks tongue out at Red. He sticks his tongue out back.]
* Monica: All right. [She lifts her flag, only to put it right back down.]
* Red: Oop!
* [An old lady bird named Shirley starts walking across.]
* Shirley: Shirley. Girly, you got this.
* Monica: We don't want you to fall now. Take your time.
* Red: Ugh.
* Shirley: Here we go. That's it. (groans) Oh, you're doing it!
* Red: Seriously?
* Shirley: I'm almost there.
* Red: Ugh.
* [Cut to Hug Trader trying to hug Red.]
* Red: Nope.
* [As Red passes a salon, a bird sweeps feathers onto him. He then angrily moves them off himself. The mime bird mimics him and gets huge cheers from the crowd.]
* Workout Bird: Pigeon pose. Crane pose. Ok, we worked out. Who's down for a froyo?
* Purple Bird: Ooo, froyo!
* Nursery Worker Bird: [Talking to eggs.] Mighty Might Eagle soaring free, defender of our homes and liberty.
* Yellow Lady Bird: Hi, Red. Is one of those yours?
* Red: What? Yeah, when birds fly.
* Nursery Worker Bird: Mighty Eagle is a legend.
* Billy the Sign: [in front of anger management class building as it rocks back and forth while laughing rhythmically. Red starts to get mad, but cools down. He pushes the sign, but it comes back up and hits him as he walks away from it.]
* Red: [yells as he ran towards the sign and starts attacking it.] You think that's funny? Ha-ha-ha! This is funny! [He throws the sign down.]
* Billy the Sign: Ha ha, ha!
* Red: What? [He throws and breaks the sign, and then puts it back.] Hmm?
* Helene: [ gasps] Don't look, Bobby, the anger might be contagious. Let's go.
* Red: He started it.
* Helene: Move it! Move it! Don't look back!
* Red: [puts part that says SMILE back.] There you go Uh-huh.
=== Chapter 3 ===
* [He walks into the anger management class building.]
* Red: Oh, look at this, this is going to be awful. [Passes a sculpture of two birds hugging.] Okay, I guess that's art. [Passes a sculpture of three birds hugging. That's garbage. [Passes a sculpture of many birds hugging in a big pile] And that's... exotic. [Passes certificate that says FREE RAGE CHICKEN.] Free rage what?
* Matilda: Oh, hi. Hi, there. Welcome...
* Red: Hello.
* Matilda: ... to the Infinity Acceptance Group. I am Matilda.
* Red: Okay.
* Matilda: And I'm just super psyched to b taking this journey with you!
* Red: Oh.
* Matilda: You're gonna have a blast! I'm really fun. Everybody says that about me!
* [They walk into a room where three birds are already gathered.]
* Matilda: Hey, guys. Say hello to Red, everyone. Hello!
* Bomb: Hi, Red. Heh.
* Red: Hello, birds I won't get to know well.
* Chuck: [Talking very fast.] Hey, apparently somebody didn't get the memo that we like to start on time, because you're about two minutes late. Don't let it happen again. Hi, my name is Chuck. I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot. I like you a lot. I can tell.
* Matilda: Okay. Now, Red, would you like to share your story with us?
* Red: No, not really.
* Matilda: Well, the court mentioned something about a rage episode at a child's birthday party.
* Red: How long is this class anyway?
* Matilda: As long as you [Points at Red.] make it.
* Red: Really? Oh, okay. Uh, gentlemen, very nice to see you, and ta almost meet you. Probably the nicest part of it is not getting ta meet you. you know, in some weird away. All right. So, I'm gonna go ahead and scoot on back out, past those creepy... statues and, uh...
* Matilda: [grabs Red and puts him back onto his seat.] Hah! Back you go.
* Red: Sure. No, I can take a seat.
* Matilda: So, in another sense, you are here until I notify the court that your anger issues have been resolved. Ha ha ha!
* Red: Oh boy.
* Matilda: Chuck! Share your story with Red.
* Chuck: Me? I'm the last guy that should be here! Simple speeding ticket! Judge tells me I was going too fast. So I say, "Your Honor, to be honest: I was; you caught me." I'm not angry, I'm honest. So, shouldn't I be in honesty management class? 'Cause we gotta manage my honesty.
* Matilda: Mm-hmm. My one problem, that's a different story than you told last time.
* Chuck: Uh...
* [A flashback begans of Chuck speeding down the road. A policebird named Bill Beckins stops him as KRS-One's "Sound of da Police" play in the background. He then is standing next to him and realizes that he is only focused on writing a speeding ticket for him. So he dashes to Bill's office, messes everything up, and comes back before he notices Chuck is gone. He then steals his wallet. It reads OFFICER BILL BECKINS. Cut to a restaurant.]
* Chuck: Drinks on me, guys!
* [The crowd cheers. Chuck runs back, and Bill Beckins is still writing the speeding ticket. Something white falls on him. He is on a tree above him, licking an ice cream. Flashback ends.]
* Matilda: Chuck...
* Chuck: Okay, maybe it wasn't ice cream.
* Matilda: All right, Chuck. Thanks, we got it. And this is Terence. [She points to a huge, red bird.]
* Red: More like Terrifying.
* Matilda: Now, it says here, in your little filey...
* [A police sirens sound and screaming girl are heard in the background as Terence evilly chuckles.]
* Matilda: Terence, uh, seems to have had an (She clears her throat) incident. Now, Bomb started with us two weeks ago. Tell us your story, Bomb.
* Bomb: Okay. Well, sometimes when I get upset I... uh... have been known to... uh... blow up.
* Red: So, like... uh... like what? Like you get mad, you mean.
* Bomb: Well. No. I literally blow up, okay. I explode, like a bomb. [Imitates a bomb falling and exploding.] Hence the name.
* [Flashback begins of Bomb walking into a house.]
* Multiple Birds: Surprise!
* [Bomb literally blows up, destroying the entire house.]
* Bomb: Excuse me. Party foul.
* [A bird falls.]
* Stella: Ow!
* [Flashback ends.]
* Chuck: (squeals) Do it!
* Bomb: No can do. I just went boom-boom before class.
* Red: Hey, look. I don't want to be here at all, but this can maybe make it a little more interesting to me. So, please, explode.
* Chuck: You can't do it, can you?
* Bomb: Yes, I can, but I'm having back issues today; so I'm gonna have to take a rain check.
* Chuck: Oh... do it!
* Bomb: Not the time or place, little amigo.
* Red: These guys are all nuts, huh, big man?
* [Terence only growls.]
* Red: Are we speaking telepathically or you're just... (Terence growls.) Good talk. Nice chatting with you.
* [Two birds start playing instruments.]
* Matilda: Today we're gonna be working on managing our anger through movement. The first pose is the dancer pose.
* [Terence does the pose.]
* Matilda: Great form, Terence.
* Chuck: [does the poses as he says them.] Eagle! Heron! Peacock! Warrior! Mountain! Tree! Rabbit! Fish! Locust! King pigeon! And of course, downward duck.
* [Bomb is doing the pose but is shaking.]
* Red: Uh, excuse me, boring hippie lady.
* Matilda: Uh-huh.
* Red: Looks like the explodey guy's gonna puke.
* Matilda: And have you done this before?
* Red: Uh, yes, I have. But usually not for free.
* Matilda: [moves Red into the pose position.] Hah! Didn't think so.
* Red: Awesome.
* Matilda: And how are we doing over here, Bomb?
* Bomb: Doing wonderful. Stretching out the core.
* Matilda: Just remember to breathe, up to your feathers and from your talons. Namaste.
* [The yellow part of Bomb's "fuse" on his head is moving downwards and his cheeks are getting puffed out.]
* Matilda: Bomb?
* [Bomb explodes.]
* Chuck: Nice.
* [Red, Chuck, and Bomb are walking down the road. They have ashes on them.]
* Bomb: I don't know what happened! I was doing the poses! I was feeling all zen! Matilda was digging it! Then I lost my grip on it. I let it slip and it just squeaked out.
* Chuck : Hey, so where we going?
* Red: I'm sorry, "we"?
* Chuck: Yes, "we". There's a new happiness exhibit [Runs to a sign.] at the Museum of Happiness! [Runs back.] that I'm dying to see.
* Red: Uh, you know what? I... I mean I got a... I got a thing.
* Chuck: A thing? Like a disease? [Gasps.] Is it bird flu? Chicken pox? [Gasps.] Cardinal sin?
* Red: No. By thing, I mean like... desire not to hang out, with you.
* Chuck: Oh. Oh, yeah. Well, may... you know. Maybe for the best, you know. Because... I got something too! Ha! How did I forget? Even if you'd say yes, I probably couldn't of gone.
* Bomb: I'm busy too. I have an uh... business offer... uh... deal... that is...
* Red: No, Bomb. You're not good at this, buddy. It's... it's charming... up to a point... and now it's just sad.
* Bomb: It's a guy I know. And he's opening up a brand, new, luxury, class reunion!
* Red: Okay, good. Good, good, good. [Red leaves.]
* Bomb: Well, looks like it's just us. Wanna go get a bite?
* Chuck: Oh, but what about your "class reunion", where everybody brings a "business offer".
* Bomb: Oh. No, no, no. Chuck, I was lying. I'm sorry if I've fooled you.
=== Chapter 4 ===
* Red: Nah-uh. No means no.
* Bird: I love your eye. Cheers.
* Phillip: Hey!
* Red: Huh?
* Phillip: Get over here!
* Brad: Hey, pecker heads.
* Phillip: What's up?
* Birds: Yo. Hey, man.
* Olive: Oh. Oh. Oh, I felt a peck.
* Greg: Whoa.
* Olive: Ah...
* [Red walks sadly to his house, then sighs in relief. He stares at a poster of Mighty Eagle, starting a flashback.]
* Teacher: This is the legendary Mighty Eagle. Our protector and hero, but no one has seen him for years. [Young Red tries to see] Mighty Eagle is missing.
* Red: When's Mighty Eagle gonna come back?
* Ella: Eyebrows, didn't your parents ever tell you, Mighty Eagle isn't real?
* Purple bird: Shhh. He doesn't know that. He doesn't have parents.
* Ella: Yeah, or even friends.
* [Red begins to shed tears. Flashback ends. Scene cuts to Red making a miniature model of his house. He looks at it through the village and then looks at the sky, sad. A ship can be seen through the foggy seas, heading to Bird Island.]
* Leonard: (looks through telescope, then snorts) Ah ha! Eureka!
* [The next day. Bob Wingman kisses Betty goodbye.]
* Betty: Say bye to daddy.
* Hatchlings: Bye bye! [They flock around Bob]
* Bob: Goodbye, hatchlings.
* Hatchlings: Bye!
* Betty: Have a happy day.
* Judge Peckinpah: Good morning.
* Cyrus: Morning, your Honor. [Judge Peckinpah jumps on Cyrus, his claws pulling his eyelids] Here you go. [He hides in coat] Ah-choo!
* Judge Peckinpah: Bless you.
* [Betty tastes some birdseed, while two hatchlings open their bags. She vomits on the bags.]
* Hatchlings: Yes!
* Betty: Bye, daddy's making dinner.
* [scene cuts to the Infinity Acceptance Center]
* Bomb: If my name were Bobby, would you ask about my hobbies.
* Matilda: Wow.
* Bomb: Or if my name were Judas, would you ask me what my mood is? [Red groans] I laugh, I cry, I love, I hate. I do so much more than detonate. Think of it.
* Matilda: That was beautiful. You're gonna make me cry.
* Red: Yeah, that was some real clever symbolism.
* Matilda: Ah! Red, why don't we hear you poem?
* Red: I don't have a poem.
* Matilda: Uh-huh. Why not?
* Red: Because I didn't write one.
* Matilda: Right, uh-huh. And, is there a reason? Well.
* Red: You know, I was gonna do it, but then I thought about it. and I realized, "Oh, this is a huge waste of my time." So I didn't do it.
* Matilda: Deep breath. Deep breath. DEEP BREATH!
* Chuck: Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
* Matilda: And we're back in the now. Chuck! You've had your hand up the whole time.
* Chuck: (runs holding a shroud) Mmm-hmm. My poem is about a hate crime. (He unveils the cloth, showing a beaten up Billy. Matilda gasps.)
* Red: Uh-oh. Uhh...
* Bomb: No.
* Red: A lot of sickos out there. A lot of sickos.
* Chuck: What? Oh, what did I make you of? I made you out of love.
* Matilda: Wow.
* Chuck: But, wait. Too late. Now I see your fate. Some very troubled somebody destroyed you out of hate.
* [Red looks arounds and sighs.]
* Chuck: What could have made him so despise your happy smile, your laughing eyes.
* [Red yawns.]
* Chuck: Your soul was pure. Your heart was true. And someone hated that. [pulls out a red feather] But, who?
* [Matilda gasps. Bomb and Matilda look at Red, who whistles and points at Terence.]
* Red: [clears throat] Oh! Terence! [clears throat again. Terence punches Red.] Whoa! Yeah, I deserve that [a dream catcher falls on Red.]
* Matilda: Oh. Billy has passed to... a higher plane of existence. Everyone, join wings. Let us, all say our goodbyes.
* Red: Yeah. Let me get in here, I got to say goodbye... Okay.
* [Terence growls at Red.]
* Red: Okay. You know, I'll just mourn from back here, that's fine.
* Chuck: You know, if there is one thing Billy always hated was goodbyes.
* Bomb: Hey. What's going on there?
* Chuck: [gasps]
* Matilda: Class dismissed! [Terence walks on the destroyed Billy.]
* Red: Very moving.
* Birds: Come on, everybody. Let's go! [all running towards something]
* Bomb: Hey. Where's everybody going?
* Stella: Hurry, something's coming!
* Chuck: Last one to the beach is a rotten egg! [runs]
* Bomb: Let's go.
* Chuck: [sprinting through many birds] Coming through! Pardon me! Excuse me! [runs beside a police officer, who blows his whistle. Chuck runs through many birds and bumps on Terence. What? [Terence glares at Chuck. The police officer gives Chuck a speeding ticket.] Aw. Again? [The police officer makes beeping noises.]
* Bird 1: Let's get down to the beach!
* Bird 2: Follow me.
* [Red looks into the ocean and sees the ship.]
=== Chapter 5 ===
* [He continues running.]
* Woodpecker: [carves a picture of him beside the ship, with Bomb on it.] Huh?
* Bomb: I didn't mean to photobomb you, sorry about that.
* [The woodpecker gets angry. The ship approaches as its rock anchor lowers down.]
* Stella: What is that thing?
* Matilda: It looks like an UFO. An unidentified floating object.
* Dylan: Daddy!
* Red: Stop it. No, I'm not your daddy.
* Bird 1: What is that?
* Bird 2: Look at the size of that thing.
* Shirley: Where is it going?
* Bird 4: I don't know, but it's not stopping.
* Red: [looks at the ship, and realizes it's coming straight at his house.] My house. My house. [trips] Slow down! Stop! Oh! [continues running and breathing heavily. The ship barely touches Red's house. Red sighs in relief, but the anchor drops down, destroying the side of Red's house.] What the? [runs towards his house, with Chuck joining him.] That house took me five years to build.
* Chuck: Wow. It's such a shame when you create something and someone just destroys it. [Chuck walks away, and Red sadly picks up a partof his destroyed house.]
* Pig Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen. [the other birds walk by the ship as the metal doors open.] We have a very special guest for you! He's a green marine sailing machine. [everybody gasps] Here we go. And he's keen to let you know he's not mean! Put your wings together for Leonard! (a ladder drops down the door. Everybody gasps again.)
* Leonard: (rising from green smoke) Thank you very much. Please hold your applause. Greetings, from my world! The world of the pigs.
* Chuck: [whispering to Red] What's a pig?
* Leonard: I am a pig- [descends the moving ladder while the birds gasp in shock. The ladder malfunctions.] Unbelievable. Unbelievable. [Ross presses the remote and makes the ladder go backwards.] Oh! Where we going? Wrong way. (grunts)
* Ross: Oopsie. Not working.
* Leonard: (sighs) We practiced this a hundred times. (Birds stare at them.)
* Ross: Oh, man. (squeals)
* Leonard: Give it to me. [He grabs remote]
* Ross: Oh.
* Leonard: We're gonna come in again. [He presses the right button]
* Ross: I'm so sorry.
* Leonard: [slams remote at Ross, and gets a basket. He runs, but trips.] My name is Leonard, but my friends call me Chuckles. [He hands a basket to Bomb]
* Bomb: Oh, ho ho ho! Very generous. Thank...
* Leonard: [takes lollipop from basket] We mean no harm. [Ross gets caught in the moving ladder] We saw your island across the sea and we thought, "I wonder what they're up to?"
* Stella: But, there's no other place besides here.
* Leonard: Yes, there is. And we are from there. We call it, Piggy Island.
* Mime: Oh my gosh.
* Leonard: P-I-double G-Y Island.
* Shirley: Who else is out there?
* Leonard: My first officer, Ross and I have sailed everywhere. One brave soul against the sea, and Ross.
* Red: Ah, excuse me! Have you come to smash all of our houses or just mine?
* Judge Peckinpah: Oh, man.
* Leonard: Somebody want a gift basket. Please, please, don't be afraid. My partner and I request the honor of your friendship. Ross, show them how'd we do it.
* Ross: Ooh! [hugs the birds]
* Leonard: Don't worry, he's always shy.
* Stella: Hi! [gets hugged by Ross]
* Bird: Well, I'll say now.
* Ross: Hi, friends! [Terence stares and growls at him. He declines.] Oh, not a hugger. [The Hug Trader gets sad that Ross ignores him.]
* Judge Peckinpah: Welcome to Bird Island. Welcome to our new friends, the Pigs. Let us have a celebration!
* Leonard: Put it there!
* Cyrus: Welcome! [Judge Peckinpah slaps him] Sorry.
* Leonard: And a hoof to a wing.
* Willow: We would like to honor the pigs with a special performance.
* [The scene transitions at night to a party conducted by the birds and pigs.]
* Leonard: [dancing with Ross] Oh, watch out. Shakin' my bacon!
* Red: They don't have feathers? You know, they're just walking around naked just presenting themselves. I'm looking at all their business here.
* Chuck: [shaking tail feathers] That part about them, I really admire.
* Stella: Now we would like to welcome our special guest, the pigs!
* [The audience cheers]
* Leonard: Alright. Thank you for your kindness and hospitality. Our king sends his warmest regards.
* Red: King?
* Leonard: You have shared with us the wonders of your quaint simple little island. Drop the banner, Ross!
* Ross: Ah! [pulls the rope, but his foot gets caught] Whoa! Uh-oh!
* Leonard: Now, we would love to humbly share some of the wonders of our world.
* Red: Ha! Yeah. Humble my bird butt.
* Chuck: Language.
* Leonard: A hundred years from now, everyone will ask, "How did the friendship between the pigs and the birds start?"
* Red: Who cares!
* [The crowd groans]
* Leonard: Well, let them say, "We lit up the night!" [the stage burns]
* Judge Peckinpah: Holy moley!
* [The audience cheers. Terence laughs excitedly]
* Matilda: Yeah! Woo-hoo!
* Red: Hey, look. They destroyed more of the stuff we worked hard to build.
* Leonard: But, there's more!
* Audience: More?
* Leonard: Has gravity gone haywire? No! Even better, your friends, the pigs, proudly give you... the trampoline!
* Audience: Ah!
* Leonard: Those are my assistants, Oinky,
* Oinky: Hello.
* Leonard: ...and John Hamm!
* John Hamm: [throws flowers and sends a flying kiss]
* Red: Hey, hold on a sec, I thought there's only suppose to be two of these guys.
* Leonard: Squad goals? Look at those jiggly pigglies!
* Hatchlings: [cheer in awe as the pigs bounce]
* Leonard: But, that's not all, throwing things just got a whole lot easier. Say hello to... "The Slingshot!"
* Ross: Ta-da!
* John Hamm: Ha-ha!
* Cyrus: I can't see.
* Leonard: That thing's crazy.
* Cyrus: Wow!
* Leonard: Tired of carrying things from place to place?
* Audience: Yeah!
* Leonard: Wish you could just get it there?
* Audience: Yes! [Matilda shakes excitedly]
* Leonard: Well, now you can!
* Audience: How?
* Leonard: Waiters, do me a favor.
* Waiter bird: Huh?
* Leonard: Take the rest of the night off.
* Ross: Okay. [steals drink from waiter]
* Red: Hey, if you got the night off, why don't you fix my house!
* Leonard: Yeah, it's the same guy. Heh-heh. Well, the slingshot does it all in three easy steps. Ready... [the pigs aim the slingshot with the drink to the cheering birds] aim... fire! [the pigs launch the drink]
* Hal: I got it! [gets knocked back by the drink and boomerangs back, hitting Bubbles and making him inflate]
* Leonard: Incredible! Throw them fresh!
* Chuck: Me! Me! I want fruit! [gets knocked back by apple]
* Red: Guys, it's the same fruit sitting on the plates in front of you. [Bomb chokes on a pineapple]
* Leonard: Watch out for that pineapple!
* [Bomb swallows the pineapple]
* Leonard: And now, for our last gift to you.
* Red: Shut up and fix my house!
* Chuckles: [chuckles] We don't know him.
* Leonard: I'm going to ask for a volunteer from the audience.
* Audience: Me! Me!
* Leonard: Who should I pick? Who, who, who.
* Bird: Pick me, Mr. Pig.
* Leonard: How about the red guy, with the enormous eyebrows?
* Chuck: Aw.
* Red: Me?
* Leonard: Mm-hm.
* Red: Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no.
* Leonard: Yes, you sir. Come on up here it's your lucky day. Are-are you sure you don't want to choose one of the hundreds of birds that had their wings up? Get him up here!
* Chuck: Come on, Red. Have some fun!
* Audience: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
* Leonard: Oh, he's shy. You hear that? They're cheering for you!
* Red: Oh, you got to be kidding me. [Chuck pushes him]
* Leonard: Red guy with the eyebrows!
* Audience: [chanting] Red guy with the eyebrows!
* Red: I would have sat closer had I known... that I was going to be part of the show. Okay. Now what?
* Leonard: Come on, give him a hand. [audience cheers]
* Ross: Right this way, come on [snorts]. Relax, deep breathe.
* Leonard: Ready!
* Red: Who? Me? Yeah. No. I'm ready.
* Leonard: Aim!
* Red: Aim at what?
* Leonard: Everybody on this one.
* Audience: Fire!
* Red: Fire? [gets launched from slingshot]
* Leonard: Who says birds don't fly.
* Red: This seems really unnatural!
* Chuck': [gasps]
* Bomb: Aw. I hope he's okay.
* Red: Ow! [falls on palm tree then on the sand, hitting his head on a rock, destroying the rock] Hey, don't worry. I'm fine. Thanks for the lift! I wished they would have done that ten minutes ago. [looks at The Porkchop Express]
* Chuck: [runs to Red] Huh. You know you want to search their boat.
* Red: What? No, I don't. Yeah, you're right, I do.
* Chuck: [runs back to get cake] Bomb's on his way. [eats cake]
=== Chapter 6 ===
* Red: [climbs on ship] Come on. Let's go! And remember, keep it quiet.
* Chuck: [runs to the ship] Oh, yeah.
* [Bomb climbs aboard the ship]
* Chuck: Whoa! This is an impressive ship-
* Red: Shh. No. Inside voice, inside voice. Come on.
* Chuck: Sorry. [picks up something on the floor]
* [Red opens a door to a room full of trampolines]
* Chuck : Piggy fitness.
* Red: Huh?
* Chuck: Mmh?
* [Chuck is chewing on the object and later spits it. He follows Red while Bomb peeks. Chuck sees a book entitled "Fifty Shades of Green" and winces in disgust. Red and Chuck continue exploring, until they find a room full of cars. one car plays "La Cucaracha" on its horn.]
* Red: Very strange. [opens a room filled with cowboy attire, as he and Chuck both gasp]
* Red: Who are these weirdos? [finds Bomb jumping on the trampolines and bumping his head] What are you doing, we're trying to sneak around. We didn't rent this place out.
* Bomb: Wow, you can rent this place?
* Chuck: [wears a cowboy hat and flicks his finger] Hm?
* Red: Give me that! [gets hat]
* Chuck: Aww...
* [Bomb continues bouncing and accidentally wrecks the floor. Chuck and Red gasp]
* Bomb: Hey, guys! [falls on a room filled with pigs wearing different outfits] Looks like there's some more stuff down here.
* Pig: We were hiding.
* [Red furiously returns to the party]
* Leonard: When I say "hey," You say "ho!" Hey!
* Audience: Ho!
* Leonard: Hey!
* Audience: Ho!
* Leonard: [dives on the crowd] Hey!
* Audience: Ho!
* Red: There's more of them!
* Leonard: Uh- hey!
* Judge Peckinpah: Ho... uh-uhh!
* Red: That's right. I'm back, uh-huh. Enjoying the party, everyone? Because while you were living it up, I snuck up onto their boat!
* Audience: What!
* Shirley: What did he say?
* Red: And look at what I found. [shows the pigs who are grinning] There's more of them! Than we thought. Which is um... mysterious and weird, am I right?
* [A pig chuckles]
* Stella: Hi.
* Pig: [jumps into Stella's arms] How're you doing?
* Stella: Oh.
* Red: You remember, he said there were only two pigs on board, but he was obviously lying.
* Leonard: Hmm.
* Red: Oh, and there's strange [pulls out plunger] devices on their boat! So clearly there's... you know, some messed up stuff going on here. How messed up? I don't know What's specifically? I don't know that either. Any questions?
* [Red throws the plunger on a pig. Another pig puts another plunger on the first pig's chest, who then shakes his body.]
* Judge Peckinpah: You snuck onto their boat?
* Red: You know. I don't need a reward. If you guys are trying to think of what honor to bestow upon me, don't need it
* Bubbles: Boo!
* Red: Yeah, boo them.
* Audience: Boo!
* Red: You're booing them or me?
* Bird: You!
* Red: Oh, it's me.
* Leonard: Perhaps, I can explain. You see, my cousins are simple folk. Watch. A, B, C... nothing. See, nothing. I didn't want to risk their lives until I found out that the... the new world was safe. We were gonna put on a cowboy show for you.
* Pig: Let 'er go, boys! Yee-haw!
* Pigs: [pull out their instruments] Yee-haw!
* Judge Peckinpah: Ha ha, yeah!
* Chuck: Yahoo!
* [The pigs stop singing]
* Leonard: Shhh... Ix-nay on the ong-say. That was Pig Latin.
* Bird: Oh.
* Leonard: But perhaps, it wasn't meant to be.
* Judge Peckinpah: Oh.
* Leonard: I believe that birds and pigs are meant to be friends. But if we crossed boundaries that were not meant to be crossed... Oh!
* [The birds become sad, even Terence]
* Judge Peckinpah: Mr. Red, you shamed not only yourself, but our entire community.
* Red: Oh, I think you messed up there. You said shamed when you meant saved, right?
* Judge Peckinpah: I sent you to treatment to deal with your problems. Clearly, more treatment is required.
* Matilda and Red: No!
* Judge Peckinpah: Do not trouble our honored guests again! My friends, we would love to see your cowboy show.
* Leonard: Thank you. [sniff] Thank you so much. [snaps fingers]
* Judge Peckinpah: Come on, everybody! Put your hands together! Woo-hoo!
* Red: Yeah, whatever. Don't listen to me.
* Judge Peckinpah: Body train coming through.
* Pigs: Choo-choo!
* Red: [tries to sleep, but can't because of the pigs partying. A laser from the party hits his eye] Ah! I can't see. I can't see. [falls off house] Whoa!
* Earl and Cowboy Pigs: ♪Just some roughed up desperadoes, hanging tough through thick and thin. Kicking up dust [the birds approach the pigs] wherever we go [throws hat to Judge Peckinpah], I can see that you and me are gonna be friends.♪
* [The pigs are helping the Hatchlings cross the street]
* Hatchling: This is fun!
* Red: Piggyback rides?
* Pig: Yee-haw! Let's move it piggies!
* Red: Oh boy.
* Short Pig: Group picture! Group picture!
* Judge Peckinpah: Everybody say cheese.
* Judge Peckinpah, Leonard, Ross, and Hatchling: Cheese...
* Leonard: ...omelet.
* Ross: Cheese omelet. Classic.
* Short Pig: Woo. Spoiler alert. [laughs]
* Bird: What a... [pigs and Hatchlings play with a trampoline]
* Hatcling: Jump!
* [Stella and another bird are talking, while another bird and John Hamm are bouncing on the trampoline and peeking through the window. John Hamm sees an egg inside]
* Pigs: Woah, woah-oh, woah, woah-oh! [the birds cheer while the pigs continue dancing]
* Red: I am famished... Whoa-
* Pigs: It's chow time! [they eat Red's food, leaving him with nothing to eat. One small pig licks a plate]
* Red: Yuck.
* Earl: ♪Hanging♪
* Chuck : [dancing on the table with a cowboy hat hobby horse] ♪-tough through thick and thin!♪
* Pigs: ♪Kicking up dust wherever we go♪ [throws vest at Matilda]
* Red: [hits beak at door] Ow! [after opening the door, he finds out that the beach is covered with pigs. He returns, only to see pigs swimming at his house] What the heck? Who invited you to move in? Hey! Whoa! That's my toothbrush. Get it out!
* Matilda: Woo!
* Pigs: Yee-haw! [a pig bumps into Terence, who wears a cowboy hat and chuckles. The pig laughs nervously]
=== Chapter 7 ===
* [The next day, at Anger Management Class]
* Matilda: Alright, class. Thought for the day. "Water is the softest thing, yet it can penetrate mountains and earth.
* Red: Here's my thought of the day, "When are we done?"
* Matilda: Ugh, Red. What the caterpillar calls the end, the world calls a butterfly.
* Red: Can I just say, I never understand a single thing you are talking about?
* Matilda: [speaking gibberish pretending not to hear Red. Chuck paints a heroic portrait of himself, with him as the reference] Wow, that's very life like. [Bomb, all covered with paint, slams his body on a canvas, creating an abstract painting] So deep. And Terence, let's see your... Oh, my goodness. [Terence paints a parody of the painting "The Creation of Adam" with him and Matilda. He signs his name below] I did not know you felt that way. [Terence groans in delight] Uh, class dismissed!
* Stella: And now, we've come to the prestigious Palm Cistern. Where birds of all feathers flock together for the 8 kinds of fruit and nut trees.
* Short Pig: Suck those bellies in. [takes selfie with the other pigs] Instaham!
* Leonard: Hmm. Is that what I think it is?
* Stella: That's an egg. That's how our children are born. You guys don't lay eggs?
* Leonard: Aye. Wished we did. [dream sequence involving Leonard and the egg] Enchanter! You look delicious, my dear. [Leonard dates and plays with the egg] That's us. [points at two heart-shaped clouds, the bigger one eating the smaller one. He laughs evilly, ending the sequence]
* Red: Hey! Hello! Excuse me. Buddy? Those are fragile. Maybe you shouldn't pick them up, alright? Not yours.
* Leonard: Oh. My friend from the banquet. Now that's a very good painting. Very good. [points at Red's painting of Leonard being electrocuted]
* Red: Oh. Yeah, uh. The assignment was, "Paint your pain." So I... painted your pain. It's actually the first in a series. [shows painting of Leonard being ripped apart by a kraken] Here you go.
* Leonard: Uh-huh.
* Red: [shows painting of Red kicking Leonard in a barrel off a waterfall] This one is nice. [shows painting of Red roasting Leonard] Oh. I call this one, "Catharsis." And, [shows painting of Red launching Leonard with a slingshot] oh, I call this one, "Bye-bye."
* Leonard: Hmm, wonderful likeness. I thought you said you stored your nuts for winter [bird and pigs laugh] Burn.
* Red: Alright, what's going on here? Are you explorers or are you staying? Because if you are explorers, then why are there more of you coming, huh?
* Pigs: [another ship appears filled with pigs] Hi there, everybody! [the second ship collides with the Piggy Express]
* Red: Not my house again! That's my home!
* Pig: Okay!
* Red: And you know what? If you are staying, why don't you just say so? And why did you leave your home? How do we know you're not fugitives of the law?
* Judge Peckinpah: You are making our guests feel unwelcome!
* Red: And you're not asking basic questions.
* Pig: Oh!
* Judge Peckinpah: Maybe I wasn't clear enough. Your opinion is not needed!
* Red: Why do we have to agree? Why does it matter that we're not the same?
* Judge Peckinpah: Anger is not always the answer! Continue the tour.
* Stella: Umm. Surfs up, you guys. So, get ready to hang loose and...
* Leonard: That went well, if you're me. [a pig laughs]
* Red: Dummy. [the pigs leave. Red looks at the Mighty Eagle statue again] We could really use you right about now. Wait, actually...
=== Chapter 8 ===
* Red: [visits Chuck's house] Hey, Chuck. It's Red, zip on down here. [rings doorbell, and Chuck runs down with hair curlers and a facial mask] Oh, hey, Chuck's mom, can your son come out to play?
* Chuck: [runs back home and to Red again] All of this, does not just happen on its own.
* Bomb: [singing. Red knocks the door, causing him to explode.] Oh, hey. Just taking a shower.
* Red: Bomb, buddy, TMI. [Bomb laughs] Now, I'm telling you. Something isn't kosher with these pigs. And it's up to us to figure it out. *Chuck: Figure what out exactly?
* Bomb: I don't know. Maybe they are just being innovative.
* Foreman Pig: Go ahead.
* Pig: All aboard. [the pigs use an umbrella as a zipline, but get launched upwards instead]
* Red: It does seem a little odd though.
* Pig: [falls to the sand along with other pigs] Nailed it!
* Foreman Pig: Flawless.
* Red: Come on, does none of this seem wrong to you guys? [Bomb and Chuck don't know] I'll tell you this, if anyone knows what these pigs are up to [takes off Chuck's afro wig], it's Mighty Eagle.
* Announcer: Mighty Eagle!
* [Bomb imagines about Mighty Eagle]
* Mighty Eagle: Oh yeah. [shows abs and flies off a mountain] Take that, tree! [chops tree] Eat my foot! [kicks rocks. He crushes a coconut with his biceps] Tasty! Yum yum yum. Whoa.
* Announcer: [end of sequence] Mighty Eagle! [Chuck also imagines about Mighty Eagle]
* Mighty Eagle: [dancing with a cowboy costume] Peek-a-boo. Hello, Bird Island! [Chuck asks for his autograph wearing a wig. Mighty Eagle signs Chuck with "Mighty Eagle xo"] Heh heh, you're welcome! [end of sequence]
* Bomb: Does Mighty Eagle still live?
* Chuck: Did he ever live? And if he did live, where would he live?
* Bomb: By the Lake of Wisdom in the ancient tree.
* Chuck: It's a fairy tale. I've run all over this island, where could that possibly be?
* Red: Way up high. It's a long up that mountain, and if I'm being honest... Well. I mean, you know, I can kind of use your help.
* Chuck: What's that? What are you trying to say?
* Red: Nothing. I was just saying that I can you know, I can use your help.
* Chuck: Oh. I'm sorry, I couldn't quite hear you over your ego. [Bomb giggles] Could you enunciate that last word a little bit?
* Red: I need your help!
* Chuck: Oh. Why didn't you say so? Bomb?
* Bomb: Let's... do it! [climbs the mountain with Red and Chuck]
* Chuck: If there is a Mighty Eagle, well how come we don't ever hear his battle cry?
* Red: I don't know. [the trio are crossing a log bridge]
* Chuck: Maybe we have. What would a Mighty Eagle battle cry sound like? You know what? I think I got an idea. [at a forrest] Maybe it's something like, uh [screeches]
* Bomb: No-no! That's more like... Ca-caw! Ca-caw! That's theoretically what it's more like, scientifically.
* Chuck: [at a rainy swamp] Oh, I got one. [sings in opera]
* Bomb: [at a valley of rocks] Not bad. It's a good impression. But, in my head, I'm kind of imagining something more like a... Hey-yoo-hoo! [at sea] Hey-yoo-hoo! [at the mountain with falling rocks] Hey-yoo-hoo! That sounds about right. [Red and Chuck push him upwards]
* Chuck: Nah, I'm thinking it maybe it's a little bit more subtle. Like a little bit, just more majestic like... [screeches again. Bomb and Chuck make Mighty Eagle "impressions" while scaling the mountain, annoying Red] Hello, world! I'm calling for you!
* Red: Stop making Mighty Eagle noises! Uh, it's like running a nursery. Absolute childcare.
* Chuck: Someone has anger issues. [sees Mighty Eagle's mountain on the other side] This uh. This is the wrong mountain.
* Red: My calves are killing me.
* Bomb: Aww! Bomb waits on top of the wrong mountain, until the sun sets. Red and Chuck wake him up and take him to the real one Oh, wow. That is simply unreal.
* Chuck: The Lake of Wisdom. [runs to the lake] What are you guys waiting for? Guys, hurry up! This is what Mama talked about. Wow. [Chuck and Bomb drink the water]
* Bomb: Ah. Be honest. Do I sound any wiser?
* Chuck: Oh, way wiser. You were kind of dumb before, I can say that now.
* Bomb: That water is no joke. I can literally taste the intelligence and wisdom... [Red finds a giant nest filled with feathers] circulating through my body now.
* Red: Hey, guys. Nobody's here. I mean, nobody's used this place in years. What are you doing? [Chuck and Bomb are swimming and dancing in the water] Get out of there! Ugh. Don't spit in his mouth! No, don't spit it back! Uh, don't swallow it. Yuck. [Chuck and Bomb continue playing in the water] [hears a sound and hides by a rock] Get out. Let's go. Come on. Shh, shh, Bomb. Take your time, will you.
* Chuck: Red. I found the meaning of life. It's-
* Red: Shut your worm hole!
=== Chapter 9 ===
* [Mighty Eagle comes out of his cave, while the three birds hide by a rock]
* Red: Oh, wow, it's him. [Mighty Eagle pees on the lake as the three watch in horror] Oh man. [Bomb and Chuck are disgusted] Horrible turn of events, horrible. [Bomb cries, while Chuck rubs his tongue with a stone] Well. Not so much the Lake of Wisdom, it's more like the Lake of Wizz.
* Mighty Eagle: Did you just come here to look at me? Or did you have something to say?
* Bomb: I think he saw us.
* Red: Oh, you think so?
* Mighty Eagle: You have passed the first test! You have found me.
* Red: Whoa!
* Mighty Eagle: Look out. Whoa! Behold. Gaze upon... Mighty Eagle! [the three are confused] I see all and know all. What are your names?
* Chuck: If you know all, why don't you know where we are? [Red slaps him] Ow!
* Mighty Eagle: I know very well who you are. You are lost souls, who have come here, seeking wisdom.
* Bomb: Whoa!
* Chuck: Can we have some?
* Mighty Eagle: Wisdom is not something that is given. It is something that is... attained.
* Bomb: Okay. Goodbye.
* Mighty Eagle: No no no... Will I help you attain wisdom?
* Bomb: Whoa! Ha ha!
* Mighty Eagle: Yes! That, I will do.
* Red: Right. So, the reason we've climbed the mountain is that we want to know...
* Mighty Eagle: Prepare!
* Red: Okay.
* Mighty Eagle: ...to have your minds blown. Aw! [bumps head on cave] Son of a...
* Bomb: This guy is good.
* Mighty Eagle: [inside Mighty Eagle's cave] Welcome, to the Hall of Heroism.
* Red: Wow, it's really amazing to meet you. You know, I actually have your poster up uh...
* Mighty Eagle: You might want to shield your eyes from the sparkle of those trophies. [shows trophies] How many? I have no idea. Countless, I'm sure. Thirteen.
* Chuck: Wow. This is way nicer than my Hall of Wimpiness.
* Mighty Eagle: [poses at mirror] Bring it home, mamacita. Get out of town. [laughs. Red, Chuck, and Bomb find out the mirror to be a curved funhouse mirror]
* Red: What the?
* Mighty Eagle: [dancing to disco music] Ho ho ho!
* Red: Those are some old school moves there.
* Mighty Eagle: Yeah.
* Red: What?
* Chuck: [whistles] Wow.
* Bomb: Yes!
* Mighty Eagle: Yeah! Ha-cha!
* Red: So, he's kind of a wackadoodle. That, you know, it doesn't mean he's not wise.
* Chuck: Hey.
* [back at Piggy Island]
* Leonard: Are you tired of filling your balloons with heavy old air? Finally, there's a better way - helium! [Timothy floats with a balloon] It's a gas. Aw. Don't worry about your balloon. It'll just land in the ocean. [Ross gets stuck in the helium machine] The fish love it. It's good for their tummy. [Hatchlings are floating in balloons, with one inside the balloon]
* Pig: Free party. Free party. [hands Judge Peckinpah an invitation for a Daft Piggy concert] It's going to be the piggest party of the year. Party! Get a bird sitter.
* Foreman Pig: Let's go, piggies.
* Judge Peckinpah: Well now, that, is some fine handiwork.
* Leonard: Hey, judge, you're under arrest.
* Judge Peckinpah: What?
* Leonard: For looking too good.
* Cyrus: Hello. What about me?
* Judge Peckinpah: Do I get a plus one? [Leonard hands him two tickets] Oh! Thank you.
* Cyrus: Let me see. Let me see. [sneezes] Oh, that was a wet one.
* [many Hatchlings board on a motorcycle, accidentally starting it.]
* Shirley: Almost there. Don't rush me!
* Matilda: Deep breath. Deep breath. And we're back. And now... Who's ready for trust falls?
* Pigs: I got you. [tries to catch Terence, but are crushed by his weight. One pig takes a photo] Help.
=== Chapter 10 ===
* [in Mighty Eagle's cave]
* Mighty Eagle: [playing ukulele] ♪Mighty, Mighty Eagle soaring free. Defender of our homes and liberty. Bravery, humility, and honesty...♪ You must have grown up singing this song in school.
* Red: Um... yeah! Yes, we did.
* Chuck: Um... right. Yeah.
* Mighty Eagle: ♪Mighty, Mighty Eagle, rescue me.♪ Now you do the second verse.
* Red: Uh. I.. I... Um-
* Mighty Eagle: Come on.
* Red: Me?
* Mighty Eagle: Yes. Do it.
* Red: Umm...
* Mighty Eagle: Do it.
* Red: ♪Mighty, Mighty Eagle flap your wings♪
* Mighty Eagle: Oh yeah!
* Red: ♪And fill up your big cave with all your fancy things♪
* Mighty Eagle: That's it.
* Red: ♪Politeness, good sportsmanship♪
* Mighty Eagle: That's not me.
* Red: ♪And the long attention span♪
* Mighty Eagle: What?
* Red: ♪Mighty, Mighty Eagle, yeah.♪
* Mighty Eagle: Take it away, Charles.
* Chuck: ♪Oh great heroic Mighty Eagle. With finer plumage... than a sea gull♪
* Mighty Eagle: Oh, sing it.
* Chuck: [sings high opera notes]
* Bomb: Uh, ♪ambidexterity, pottery... and bankruptcy♪
* Mighty Eagle: Ouch.
* Red: ♪Mighty, Mighty Eagle...♪ Harmonize.
* Bomb: Harmonize.
* Red, Chuck, and Bomb: ♪Rescue me!♪ [Chuck continues singing the high note]
* Mighty Eagle: Wow. You know it better than me. [throws ukulele]
* Red: So, anyway, the other day, these pigs showed up out of nowhere. And, it caused me a great deal of suspicion. And he's walking out of the room. Unbelie- I don't get this. This guy sits here on his butt, all alone, clearly doesn't leave the house. He talks a good game, but, he doesn't care about anyone but himself.
* Chuck: Sounds a lot like you.
* Red: Oh good. Thank you for your opinion, Chuck.
* Mighty Eagle: [looking at binoculars outside his cave] Well, hello.
* Red: Hello! Mighty Eagle!
* Mighty Eagle: What?
* Red: What are you doing?
* Mighty Eagle: Uh. I'm bird watching.
* Red: What?
* Mighty Eagle: Ah. Take a peek.
* Red: [sees Shirley in a hot tub] Oh you're disgusting.
* Mighty Eagle: Oh yeah.
* Red: Look, are you gonna help us or not?
* Mighty Eagle: I am helping you!
* Red: No.
* Mighty Eagle: This is you helping. Looking through binoculars. Spying on old ladies.
* Red: Whoa, whoa. What is that? [sees a tent by the pigs] Wait. [sees the pigs placing TNT] Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Oh my. Huh! I was right. I was right. I knew it! Bomb, Chuck, hurry up! Get out here!
* Mighty Eagle: Uh oh.
* Red: Mighty Eagle, hey. Fly us down there, now.
* Mighty Eagle: [stares at the sky heroically] No.
* Red: I'm sorry. What?
* Mighty Eagle: I don't do that anymore. I'm retired. Mostly just tired. Go handle it yourself. This is everything I've prepared you for.
* Red: What? Prepared us for? Hold on. Did I miss something? Let me just go through my notes really quick. Let's see. Crazy stuff, bragging, crazy stuff, karaoke. No. See, I don't see anything useful here. The whole world, everyone we know, is in danger.
* Mighty Eagle: Yes, it is. So, off you go! Hey.
* Red: You know what? I used to believe in you. When I was a kid, I believed nothing really bad could ever happen because you were here. And now I see the fate of the world hangs on idiots like me. And that, sir, is sort of terrifying.
* Mighty Eagle: It's time for you to go.
* Red: You know, it's really upsetting to me that you're the only bird that can fly. And you're too afraid to do it. Hey, guys. Come on, let's go. We're done here. He's no hero.
* Chuck: [with Mighty Eagle merchandise] So, um, I'm having a party next Tuesday. Could you just do a little pop in? [Bomb takes him. Mighty Eagle smiles] Come on, run faster! [the three birds trip and roll through the forest]
* Red: Come on. Come on. Come on. Let's go!
=== Chapter 11 ===
* [inside the tent, the birds and pigs are partying, with Daft Piggy as the DJs.
* Judge Peckinpah: [inhales a balloon's helium, causing his voice to be high picthed then floats] I sentence you all to 4 hours of hard partying. [laughs with Cyrus]
* Pigs: [stealing an egg with a trampoline] Look out below! [sees Red, Chuck, and Bomb] Huh?
* Chuck: They're taking the eggs!
* Red: Follow them. [chases the pigs stealing the eggs and detonating the TNT]
* Bomb: Oh man. [the pigs laugh while taking the eggs, as explosions happen in the background]
* Leonard: Right on time. Egg-cellent! [evil laugh]
* Red: Chuck, go shut that party down, now!
* Chuck: Ee, but I only know how to get parties [takes a cowboy pig's hat] started!
* Red: Go!
* Chuck: On it!
* Red: Bomb, we got to stop them.
* Bomb: Yeah! [the three chase Leonard escaping with an umbrella zipline]
* Chuck: Got to get more speed! [runs while dodging falling houses] It's Chuck time!
* Leonard: Get to the ship! [the pigs carry the eggs and pile them in the ship]
* Chuck: Can everybody please stop partying? There are eggs being stolen! Matilda, we need your help. The pigs are stealing our eggs!
* Matilda: What?
* Judge Peckinpah: [high-pitched voice] I'm airborne!
* Chuck: We have to get back to the village!
* Judge Peckinpah: Whoa!
* Chuck: Stop dancing and start running! [drops some pigs in a blanket] Huh! Hors d'oeuvres, my weakness. [eats them]
* Leonard: Come on, let's wrap it up.
* Red: We got to get the eggs off the ship!
* Bomb: Yes!
* Foreman Pig: Is everyone on board?
* Leonard: Let's go!
* Red: Use the trampolines! [he and Bomb bounce and hang on to the eggs trapped in a net] Can you get up there?
* Pig: We got an intruder!
* Leonard: What the heck are they doing?
* Red: Untie the ropes. Drop the eggs in the water.
* Leonard: Get rid of them. Get him off of there. [blasts a cloud of smoke]
* Bomb: It's too strong, I can't break it.
* Red: Bomb, blow off the chain.
* Leonard: Knock them down!
* Bomb: [climbs the chain] Come on, Bomb. You can do this.
* Red: Come on, Bomb. You got this. Blow up!
* Bomb: You got to get me mad.
* Red: Okay. Well then, what makes you mad?
* Bomb: Try insulting me on a personal level.
* Red: Um... Oh, oh, uh. Your poetry stinks! You're just a bad poet. And you know it!
* Bomb: Oh. I know. I know! [the feather on his head begins to short up]
* Pigs: Hey. Who wants a birdie bath? [sprays Red and Bomb with water, knocking them off to the sea]
* Bomb: Oh. I'm sorry, Red. I couldn't do it.
* Red: Don't give up. This isn't over!
* Leonard: Thanks for your hospitality. [all pigs laugh] Set sail for Piggy Island!
* [A pig shoots a flaming arrow at a stack of dynamite on the Mighty Eagle statue, landing on the two birds.]
=== Chapter 12 ===
* [The next day, Bird Island is shown in ruins.]
* Olive: [looking for their eggs] Oh, no!
* Greg: We'll find them.
* Crossing Guard Bird: They're all gone.
* Bird: [looking at the remains of a bombed daycare with another bird] Shh, shh. It's okay.
* [All the birds head out to Red, Chuck, and Bomb, on the beach]
* Judge Peckinpah: Mr. Red! [takes off hat] What do we do now?
* Red: Wait, hold on. You're asking me?
* Judge Peckinpah: You knew. You tried to tell us. But we didn't listen. I didn't listen.
* Stella: Red, we need a leader.
* Poppy: What do we do now?
* Matilda: What do we do?
* Red: Wait a minute. I'm not a leader.
* Chuck: Okay. Pigs stole our kids. That sucks. Made all you guys looked like idiots. You know what we got to do? We start replacing those kids. [the female birds gaze in shock] Ladies, get busy! We're going to be laying some eggs tonight!
* Red: No. No, stop. No no... We're not going to replace those kids. We're gonna get them back.
* Matilda: How are we going to do that?
* Red: What do you mean how? The pigs already showed us how. [points at a floating wood trail on the ocean] That, is where they went! And, so that, is where we are going!
* Judge Peckinpah: But how do we get from here to there? I'm not aquatic, in the least.
* Red: Well, uh, you know, uh. We're gonna build our own boat.
* Crowd: Huh? What are you talking about?
* Red: They stole your kids. No. They stole our kids. I mean, who does that? Have you ever stolen any one's children? Huh? [points at Eva] Have you? [points at the Hug Trader] I mean, you look like you would. And you know what? I'm a little bit angry. Correction. I'm really angry. And I don't think I'm the only one. Come on, we're birds! We're descended from dinosaurs! [the crowd cheers] We're not supposed to be nice! Right? [a pink Hatchling named Petunia roars like a Tyrannosaurus rex] Uh. Yeah, point-point made. Who else here is angry?
* Crowd: I am!
* Red: Yeah, you are! We're getting our kids back, and I don't need any... calm, detach, happy birds. Not gonna help us. Don't need it. I need some angry flocking birds. [the crowd cheers] You hear me! Now, who's angry! [the crowd cheers] Well, let's go! Bring me everything that floats. [gets a TNT box] Yeah. Yeah. That's perfect, yeah.
* [Terence teaches the other birds with a chalkboard how to be angry. The birds make weird noises, and Terence stares in shock. Hal and Bubbles stand the slingshot upwards as a sail]
* Red: With every single feather of my being, [Stella, Bomb, and Matilda hoist the sail] I am NOT going to let any of these eggs be taken from their parents. [Terence continues teaching and growls at the birds, causing all except Samantha to run away, who blows a raspberry. Terence gives up]
* Red: Chuck, I need you to tie those crates together.
* Chuck: You got it. [ties the TNT boxes (and Hal) quickly] Done, and done.
* Hal: Uh. A little help here?
* Red: Let's go! Move it, everybody! [the birds run towards the boat they built and push it] Push with your upper body.
* Bubbles: I have no upper body!
* Red: Darn good for a bunch of birds. [the birds sail away to Piggy Island]
* Pigs: [holding an egg-eating ceremony at Piggy Island] Yay! Go, Leonard!
* Leonard: When I say, "Eat the". You say, "eggs." Eat the!
* Pigs: Eggs!
* Leonard: Eat the!
* Pigs: Eggs!
* Leonard: Wow, what a reception. Alright, snouts up!
* Earl: My, it's a snout staircase. Who thinks of that?
* [the pigs put a cape and a crown on Leonard]
* Announcer Pig: Welcome home, King Mudbeard! [two banners of Leonard with eggs are lowered]
* Leonard: [pushes Ross] My father, and my father's father, [audience cheering while a cheerleader pig is dancing] and my weird Aunt Chloe, have all searched for the eggs. But only I [cheerleader falls], King Mudbeard, have found them.
* Cheerleader Pig: Oh. My pom-poms!
* [three pigs in the crowd have letter for the word "EGGS" painted on them. The middle one has the letters "GG" on his butt and slaps them]
* Leonard: I present to you, the eggs!
* [a pig named Harvey cuts off a group of balloons, pulling off a curtain hiding the eggs and carrying him away]
* Earl: Oh, man! Say goodbye to Harvey.
* Leonard: A feast! [the crowd gasps] I proclaim a feast! Two nights heads. [the crowd cheers again] Let's go make some omelets! [laughs]
=== Chapter 13 ===
* [the birds are sailing in the foggy sea]
* Bomb: Ugh, I feel a little nervous inside, but that's normal, right?
* Red: Yeah. Yeah, I think so. [the birds see wrecked ships in fear]
* Bomb: Uh, anybody else got butterflies in the stomach?
* Chuck: Yeah. [Bomb takes a breath]
* Red: Probably because you ate too many caterpillars. [the boat hits dry land] Drop your nuts and move your butts! [two birds eating nuts and run off. The other birds charge to Piggy Island]
* Chuck: Oh, no! [sees Leonard's castle. The other birds gasp]
* Female Bird: I wasn't expecting this.
* Red: [sees a banner of Leonard] Well hold on a second. That guy's the king? He's got to have the eggs with him in the castle.
* Gray Bird: What the heck is a castle?
* Red: And that's where we're going.
* Matilda: Hey, guys. Do you remember everything you learned in my class?
* Red: Yep.
* Chuck: Nope.
* Bomb: What class?
* Matilda: Well, forget all of it for now. Now it's time to let loose.
* Red: Oh good. Because I never learn anything anyway.
* Chuck: Oh, me neither. I actually just came to socialize.
* Bomb: I came for the snacks. You don't happen to have any of it now, do you?
* Matilda: [inhales] Deep breath. Deep breath. Deep breath!
* Stella: How are we going to get over those walls?
* Red: Uh. I'll tell you how. We're gonna fly. [Terence plants the slingshot to the ground] Remember. The goal is the castle. Get to the castle. Who wants to go first?
* Bomb: Over here!
* Matilda: I do!
* Bomb: Me, me!
* Red: Hey. Alright, Matilda.
* Bomb: Always a bright space. [Matilda gets on the slingshot]
* Chuck: Step right up. Keep your wings, legs and beak inside the slingshot at all times.
* Matilda: Shoot it!
* Red: Okey-doke. Fire! [Bomb launches Matilda from the slingshot and yells in glee. She positions herself near a group of cowboy pigs]
* Earl: And one, and a whoa!
* Matilda: Take that, porkers!
* Earl: Incoming! [Matilda lays a purple egg-shaped fireball at them]
* Matilda: Boom, baby, boom! [hits a house]
* Red: Well, how about that? My teacher can shoot fireballs out of her butt. You, what's your name? Hal? I've seen you do something strange before, right?
* Hal: Well, let's see. I'm really good at-
* Red: It doesn't matter. Launch him! [Chuck and Bomb launch Hal from the slingshot] Oh, this guys looks good. [Hal is spinning rapidly in midair and knocks off a pig reading a newspaper]
* Chuck: He's gonna make it. [Hal makes garbled noises while spinning]
* Bomb: This is incredible. We're witnessing history right now.
* [Hal is about to hit a golden snout on the castle, but boomerangs back]
* Red: No, hey, he's coming back. He's coming, duck. Get down.
* Bomb: Duck!
* Hal: Whoa, whoa, whoa! [his beak gets stuck on a tree] Uh, did we win?
* Red: Uh, no. Not quite yet, buddy. Uh, we're still tied. Hey, can we get an ice pack for Hal?
* Chuck: [with a first aid kit] Medic!
* Red: Alright. Who's up next! Whoa whoa whoa! Oh, what can you do? [Cyrus sneezes while on the slingshot, launching him as Red gets covered with his snot] Uh... yuck!
* Bomb: Uh, need a tissue?
* [Cyrus screams, and bounces off an accordion-shaped structure between two houses, knocking them both. He lands on a Calvin Swine billboard and slides off]
* Red: Who's next? We need flyers, not standbyers! Let's go! [the mime bird pretends to leave]
* Chuck: You go out there and you show them how frightening mimes can be.
* Bomb: Yeah!
* Mime Bird: [gets launched from the slingshot] Oh my gah-
* Leonard: [in his castle] We're having a feast. We're eating the eggs. Gonna have a big feast. Gonna eat all the eggs. [the mime bird destroys some houses] Huh? What? [goes to balcony and takes out binoculars. He sees a pig cooking sausages, whose house is destroyed by a purple bird] What is that? [sees Red]
* Red: Fire!
* Leonard: That guy again. Citizens of Pig Island. If you spot any birds destroying your neighbourhood, please capture them.
* Pig: What did he say?
* Leonard: There's been a change of plan. We will eat the eggs for lunch.
* Stella: Did he say eat the eggs? [a bird gets launched]
* [Mighty Eagle sees the battle from his mountain. He looks at an old poster of himself and gets inspired]
* Red: Okay. I want you to curl up into a little ball, alright? Make yourself aerodynamic.
* Bubbles: Like this? [inflates]
* Chuck: To the left! To the left!
* Bubbles: Let me at 'em!
* Red: Launch!
* Bubbles: [gets launched and starts screaming] Don't mess with Bubbles! [lands on a wooden dock]
* Pigs: Get him! Heat pile! Hog pile!
* Bubbles: [inflates on the pigs] I told you not to mess with me!
* Red: Wow, that blows. I-uh, in a good way!
* Chuck: [trying to aim Stella] To the left!
* Bomb: Oh. Hold on, wait. My left of your left?
* Chuck: My left is your left. We are facing the same direction.
* Bomb: Right. Good call.
* Red: Just look where the last bird went and adjust from there.
* Stella: I got this you guys.
* Red: Alright.
* [Stella gets launched from the slingshot and screams. She goes in the houses and jumps off them. After breaking a glass wall, a house falls over her. She escapes, but the pigs find her]
* Red: She got far, but not far enough.
* Pig: [throws plungers at Stella] Get her out of our town!
* Stella: Uh oh!
* Red: We have to get closer.
* Judge Peckinpah: [gets launched from the slingshot] Judge power! [hits a rock then a house, causing an explosion]
* Bomb: Trial by fire!
* Chuck: No, literally he's on fire right now. Can somebody please help him? [Bomb launches another bird]
* Mighty Eagle: [plays a record of Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley while trying to fly. He prepares to take off] Mighty Eagle! [flaps his wings, but his fat pushes down and he rolls off the cliff. He hangs off the cliff and falls]
* Red: Terence. I got an idea. Do you think you can pull the slingshot back far enough to hit that giant boulder? [Terence grunts] Okay. Launch me right towards the top of that thing. [Terence pulls the rubber. The other birds look worried, and Hal waves goodbye] Ready?
* Chuck: Red, I'm not going to lie to you. I am [cries] really going to miss you when you die.
* Bomb: Rest in peace, my friend. Rest in peace.
* Red: Hey, guys. Let's not get cheesy, okay? Ready. Fire! [Terence releases Red. Red screams, and later becomes angry as he curls up into a ball] This is gonna hurt. [hits the rock on top]
* Leonard: What was that? Huh? [Red smashes through the castle's glass roof] My roof!
* Chuck: Did he make it?
* Bomb: I hope he's okay.
* Red: [from the inside of the castle] I'm in!
* Chuck: Yeah!
* Bomb: I knew he would make it. [the other birds cheer, but Hal trips over]
* Red: Send everyone else!
* Leonard: Guards! There's a red bird in these walls. Bring him to me.
* Guard 1: Aye aye, sir.
* Guard 2: Roger that, boss. [the three guard pigs listen at a wall]
* Leonard: Not in these walls. In the castle! Come on, you guys.
* Guard 1: Here, pretty bird.
* Guard 2: Here, pretty bird. [Red is blending in with a painting of Leonard and pigs dancing while wearing a tutu. The pigs do not see him, and Red escapes in relief]
* Leonard: Transport the eggs!
* [many guard pigs are marching, each carrying an egg into a room with the words "NO EGGS IN HERE"]
* Chuck: [being pulled by Terence] Launch me exactly the same way you did for [Terence launches him] Red! I wasn't ready! [screams] Uh, faster! [accelerates in midair and enters a window in the castle. He flies in the castle and hits some dishes and a cake in the kitchen, enters some flaming rings in a circus room, passes through a room full of cacti, and a room full of swords. He exits by pushing a brick]
* Red: Chuck, is that you?
* Chuck: [with broken teeth] Is this the house of horrors?
* Red: I got to be honest. You look a little... fine. You look fine, come on!
* Chuck: Bomb's on his way.
* Bomb: [flying while doing "Mighty Eagle" noises. He lands in the castle walls and wrecks the stone bricks]
* Ross: Ouchy!
* Leonard: [laughs and gets hit with a rock] Call in the Piggy Air Force!
* Bird: What is that?
* Leonard: [a group of pigs on dingy wooden airplanes take off on a ramp] My loyal subjects. The treacherous birds have repaid our friendship with an unprovoked act of aggression! [one plane breaks off] The attack will fail! We have glass! We have wood! We have TNT. [two planes crash] We tried to kill them with kindness and now we're just gonna have to...
* Pilot pig: [drops dynamite sticks on the birds] Bye-bye.
* Leonard: Well, you know. [the sticks of dynamite explode, causing the birds to run] 
* Cyrus: Run! [carries Judge Peckinpah away. The pigs shoot plungers and dynamite at the birds]
* Gray Bird: Who's gonna go next? [Terence emerges from the crowd and growls]
* Bird: [Terence is on the slingshot] Aim for that ramp!
* Birds: [cheering] Terence! Terence! Terence!
* Willow: Yes!
* [Terence aims for the castle and stretches on the rubber, but due to his weight, the slingshot breaks.]
* Bird: What happened?
* [Terence gasps]
=== Chapter 14 ===
* Chuck: [in the castle with Red] No eggs in here. No. Nope. No. No.
* Red: Hey! Whoa. I'm on this. [opens a door with two twin pigs]
* Twin pigs: Redrum.
* Red: Uh, Never mind. [closes door]
* Pilot pig: [plane breaks down] Backup engine. [pedals, but the plane breaks]
* Red: Whoa whoa whoa whoa. Wait. Hold on a second!
* Chuck: Wait, I know that rear end, that's Bomb!
* Red: Yeah, uh, Chuck, that's not his rear end. That's his face, man.
* Chuck: Sorry, Bomb.
* Bomb: [in the wall] No problem. Easy mistake to make. [Red and Chuck pull him out] Thanks for getting me out.
* Pigs: [in a long table banging their forks and knives] We want eggs! We want eggs! [Ross lights a fire under a giant pot]
* Chef Pig: We want eggs!
* Corporal Pig: [laughs with other pigs while flipping a coin] He was sick. But, then he got cured. [laughs]
* Chuck: No eggs in... [gasps] Oh, these are clever pigs.
* Red: Okay, look. I'm gonna run up and tackle the pig on the left. Bomb, you can handle too. Chuck, I don't know if you can help? We got to figure out a way to get into that roo...
* Chuck: [the time begins to slow down, and Chuck begins messing with the pigs. He puts a paint bucket above one pig, pulls a plunger on the second one, and writes "FART FACE" on the third. Red isn't finished talking, but Chuck positions the fourth pig with a boxing glove to hit the third pig. Chuck takes a selfie]
* Red: -Room. Anyone have any bright ideas? [time unfreezes. Paint splashes on the first pig, the second pig gets pushed back, and the fourth pig punches the third. The fourth pig is confused]
* Small guard pig: You are gonna pay for that. [chases the fourth pig]
* Red: What the heck just happened?
* Chuck: Oh, I'm sorry. You were saying? [enters the secret room] And here we... are?
* Bomb: [sees the eggs in a net] We found them! Uh oh.
* Red: Oh, come on! [climbs up to the net]
* Bomb: Red!
* Red: Guys, come on!
* Chuck: Quick, follow him!
* Chef Pig: [readies the boiling green liquid] Things are looking sunny side up! [the pigs laugh]
* Red: Guys, I'm here. Everything is going to be okay. We are gonna get you out of here.
* Chuck: Hurry up, Bomb! Come on!
* Bomb: I'm coming! Don't lose me! [Red gets inside a metal hatch] Goodness, they made her end?
* Red: Oh, boy.
* Pigs: We want eggs! We want eggs!
* Leonard: What is he doing up there? This is a civilized buffet.
* [Chuck tries to open a door, and Bomb climbs and falls off a pipe]
* Red: Don't hatch now. Do not hatch now.
* Leonard: Get that red scab off my eggs.
* Chef Pig: Hey!
* Red: Oh, man.
* Chuck: Bomb, are you okay?
* Bomb: Oh, I've been better.
* Chuck: [looks in pipe] I'm going to get a running start! [takes off] Chuck time! [gets stuck in the pipe]
* Leonard: Fine. Boil him too!
* Foreman Pig: Let's pig out! [pushes remote]
* Red: Looks like it's just you and me, pork belly! [knocks off Foreman Pig which causes him to start screaming] I'll be taking that! [pushes remote] Whoa, whoa. Whoa.
* Chef Pig: Hey! Oh.
* Leonard: No!
* Chuck: [gets pushed by Bomb in the pipe] Red, we're coming.
* Bomb: Deep breath. [blows in pipe]
* Chuck: [enters a vent] I'm in! Classy joint.
* Mighty Eagle: [flying outside] Hello!
* Leonard: Huh!
* Mighty Eagle: Where is everyone?
* Red: Mighty Eagle! Where's he going? I can't believe I'm about to do this. [does Bomb's Mighty Eagle impression] Hey-yoo-hoo!
* Mighty Eagle: Oh, my battle cry? Coming in. Coming in. Mighty Eagle! [breaks in the castle. Everybody stares in shock] Whoa! [slips on the table and hits the pot]
* Red: Mighty-Mighty Eagle. Mighty Eagle, wake up, [slaps his tongue] come on. Oh, that's bad breath.
* Mighty Eagle: I can sleep late, Mom. It's not a school day.
* Leonard: Throw him in the pot too. I'll have the big turkey.
* Bomb: [Chuck escapes the vent and unlocks the door for Bomb] Red!
* Mighty Eagle: What?
* Leonard: Huh!
* Bomb: Whoa! What did I miss?
* Red: You got to fly those eggs to safety.
* Mighty Eagle: I got this. Here we go! [carries the eggs] Whoa. Whoa!
* Red: Yes, yes, yes! [Bomb smashes the table]
* Leonard: My eggs!
* Red: Don't forget Chuck and Bomb.
* Mighty Eagle: Who?
* Red: Those guys.
* Mighty Eagle: Right, right. [Chuck, Bomb, and Red join Mighty Eagle]
* Leonard: [grabs Red] Gotcha! [the pigs help Leonard pull him] You're not getting away that easy. [a blue egg falls off the net and bumps on the pigs' heads]
* Red: No! [the egg rolls and cracks] Save yourselves!
* Bomb: Hold on, Red!
* Red: I'm gonna save that egg. [lets go]
* Chuck: Red, don't be a hero! Red, no!
* Leonard: [falls back to the castle with Red and the pigs. He sees the egg] Huh?
* Bird: Get out of town, everybody. [the birds continue running from the planes, while Mighty Eagle avoids them]
* Chuck: There's just so many of them, we're outnumbered
* Mighty Eagle: What? How many?
* Chuck: Oh, not that many. Just the right amount really. No need to look back. Just keep flying. Faster! [Mighty Eagle panics]
* Leonard: I'll take that!
* Red: No, you won't! [takes the egg]
* Leonard: Give me that! [furiously] You just don't know when to stop, do you?
* Red: Here's a two word answer, "Uh-uh!"
* Leonard: [surrounded by pigs] Looks like your little slingshot game ends here. [a pig laughs] Give me that!
* Red: Not gonna happen!
* Leonard: Huh! [the giant pot tips over]
* Red: Oh no. [everybody runs]
* Leonard: Get out of my way. [jumps off a chandelier with Red]
* Pig 1: Every pig for himself!
* Pig 2: I quit! [closes door]
* Mighty Eagle, Chuck, and Bomb: [dodging the houses and planes] Whoa! Whoa!
* Bomb: I know what I gotta do. I got to blow up that ramp!
* Chuck: And that would be a good plan if you were good at blowing up!
* Bomb: I need to stop those planes! Remember me, Chuck. Remember me. [jumps off] Bomb's away! [bounces off the planes, into the ramp] *Matilda: Oh, hi there.
* Pig: Here, chicky chicky chicky!
* Matilda: This little piggy popped! [lays an egg-shaped fireball at the pigs] This little piggy exploded. [lays another one] And this little piggy went wee, wee, wee, "I want my mama!" [lays another one. One pig gets burnt, and Matilda chuckles]
* Bomb: Come on, Bomb, you can do this! Blow up! Blow up! [sees a plane about to take off] Uh oh. [more planes emerge] No. Think explosive thoughts. Surprise parties! Yoga poses! Pig City airplanes! [explodes, destroying many houses and burning himself] I blew up, on purpose!
* Leonard: You're wrecking my house. What's wrong with you?
* Red: You wrecked my house!
* Leonard: Your house was ugly!
* Red: Well, now we're even. [the chandelier falls on a room with a pig inside, and a bowling alley, knocking all the pins]
* Pig: Strike! [Red and Leonard fall to an underground room filled with TNT]
* Matilda: Run! Run! [a truck approaches] Guys, look out! Everyone, stand back! [a blaster aims at Matilda and Ten Birds. The truck's window goes down, revealing the driver to be Terence] Terence? [Terence gives a thumbs-up] Put on your seatbelts, everyone. Trust me. [all the birds go in the truck, while the pigs chase them with plungers]
=== Chapter 15 ===
* Red: Well. This is dynamite. [looks around and sees lots of dynamite sticks and TNT crates. Red gasps as he sees the egg] There you are.
* Leonard: Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin! [takes egg and goes by his menacing laughter. He places a candle under the egg] Delicious bird eggy-weggy. Ooh!
* Red: You can't eat eggs!
* Leonard: What are you going to do? I'm a foodie. [Red sees the pot about to fall through the hole] It's over. You're finished, Eyebrows. (cackles)
* Young Bird: [in Red's mind] Eyebrows!
* Chuck: [in Red's mind] Someone has anger issues.
* Judge Peckinpah: [in Red's mind] Anger is not always the answer!
* Red: [breathes out] Well, you know what? I guess you win.
* Leonard: What? [the pot gets closer]
* Red: That was an awesome plan. Mind blower! Boom! [laughs]
* Leonard: Really? Well, thank you. You know, a lot of hard work goes in my sinister plans. It does. [laughs evilly. The pots fall off the hole]
* Red: [laughs] No, I mean your plan was great. [furiously] But you didn't plan for this! [pushes TNT crate off Leonard and attacks him, trying to retrieve the egg. The candle lights up a dynamite stick. He tries to climb out the stack of TNT while the pot continues to fall]
* Leonard: You have annoyed me for the last time.
* Red: Yep. [the pot falls on him]
* Leonard: Hauh? NO!!! [the TNT explodes]
* Chuck: Faster!
* Mighty Eagle: Whoa!
* [the pigs run away from the explosion. The entirety of Pig City is burnt down to the ground. Mighty Eagle and the other birds escape in time]
* Mighty Eagle: Cramp. Cramp. [falls down]
* Bird: It's them!
* Bubbles: Look at that.
* Hal: Are you seeing what I am seeing?
* Birds: It's Mighty Eagle. It's him!
* Edward: Well, this guy looks nothing like his statue.
* Greg: Honey.
* Olive: Our eggs! [the birds retrieve their eggs back and hug them. The Mime Bird hugs an invisible egg. Everybody gets their eggs back except for Greg and Olive]
* Chuck: Are you okay?
* Bomb: Chuck, my man. Did you see what I did back there?
* Chuck: Yeah.
* Judge Peckinpah: [hands an egg to a bird] This egg is a spitting image of you.
* Matilda: There, safe and sound. [Greg and Olive begin crying]
* Bomb: [hears a thump in the Pig City rubble] Oh!
* Chuck: (gasps) Where is he?
* Bomb: Red! [the birds see Piggy Island in ruins]
* Bird: Where is he?
* Mighty Eagle: [awoken from tiredness] Huh!
* Bird: I think he might be dead. [all the birds become sad and leave. Red emerges from the rubble coughing]
* Dylan: Daddy! [the birds looks back]
* Chuck: He's alive! [the birds cheer]
* Mighty Eagle: He's alive!
* [the crowd continues cheering, but Red shows a cracked eggshell causing the birds to become sad again. From the eggshell, three baby blue birds come out. The crowd cheers again]
* Chuck: Yeah!
* Bomb: Oh ho ho!
* Chuck: I'm glad you're alive. I thought you died or defected to the pig's side. [kisses Red]
* Bomb: Hey, buddy, way to not be dead.
* Red: Oh. It's good to see you guys.
* Bomb: Come on.
* Birds: [cheering] Yay! Yay! Yeah. Oh. Glad you're back! You did it, great job! You're the bird!
* Red: [sees Greg and Olive crying beneath a tree] Sir. Ma'am. I think these belong to you.
* Olive: Oh. Oh. [The Blues jump and hug her, sobbing happily] Thank you.
* Mighty Eagle: Oh, Crimson, Woody, Ash.
* Bomb: Who?
* Chuck: Is he talking to us?
* Mighty Eagle: You learn your lessons well. Come on, bring it in. [hugs the two]
* Red: No. I'm not the really affectionate type. [Mighty Eagle hugs him] Okay, does it feel like this is crossing the line, anyone else?
* Chuck: Yep.
* Bomb: Nope.
* Mighty Eagle: You're my prized pupils.
* Red: Your prized what?
* Mighty Eagle: Ho ho, don't you see? I had to make you lose faith in me. So you can learn to have faith in yourself.
* Chuck: That's not really how it felt.
* Mighty Eagle: Tell them, Rosie.
* Red: Yeah. I don't think that's what happened, man.
* Mighty Eagle: Oh look, he's blushing.
* Red: [laughs] I'm not blushing, I'm just red.
* Mighty Eagle: [the crowd laughs] Okay, who wants an autograph?
=== Chapter 16 ===
* [back in Bird Island, the birds are busy repairing the damage caused by the pigs]
* Bird 1: Go get him.
* Bird 2: Hoist it up. [Bubbles inflates] Nice.
* [Timothy and Dylan laugh. The Hug Trader attempts to hug Stella, Willow, Poppy, Gale, and Dahlia, but they ignore him. The girls return to hug him]
* Bob Wingman: [at the Early Bird Worms store] Grand reopening. Get your worms here, get your worms here. [Terence carries a bamboo gate]
* Judge Peckinpah: Well done indeed!
* Chuck: [looking at a new statue of Mighty Eagle, this time carrying the eggs] Wow. Is that you right there, Red?
* Red: Aw, really? Where? [Chuck points at a smaller statue of Red praising Mighty Eagle] No, they didn't have to... Oh. Yeah. That's funny. I don't remember crying on my knees like that. But, you know, it's nice.
* Chuck: Look at that. They gave Mighty Eagle all the credit. They made him look so much more handsome than you.
* Red: Mm-hm.
* Chuck: You know, back when I was angry. That would have really ticked me off.
* Bomb: Ah, forget about that.
* Chuck: You know what we should do? Let's go to the village.
* Bomb: Let's do it.
* Red: No. Actually, I love to go hang out with you guys. But you know I got this thing. And I have another thing after that thing and there's all these things in a row.
* Bomb: Would you look at that. [Red's house is rebuilt by the birds, this time in the village's center]
* Red: What the? [sees the new house]
* Judge Peckinpah: Mr. Red. Welcome back, to the village. [presents the new house. The birds cheer and clap]
* Chuck: Ta-da! [many Hatchlings visit Red, including The Blues, now a bit more grown up]
* Hatchlings: ♪Mighty Mighty Red, you rescued me. Defender of our homes and liberty♪
* Jay: ♪Bravery♪
* Jake: ♪Humility♪
* Jim: ♪Anger-y♪
* Hatchlings: [make angry faces] ♪Mighty, Mighty Red, you rescued me! Me... la-la-la-laa laa-la-la la-la-la-laa♪
* Terence: ♪La-la-laa La-la-la-laaa!♪ [growls happily]
* Mime Bird: Oh my go- [Terence laughs. Matilda looks at him and he laughs again]
* Red: How did you guys find the time to pull this off? [Bomb laughs] This is why we went to go get pedicure, isn't it?
* Chuck: Nope. We got pedicures because we are worth it.
* Bomb: I got gels.
* Red: You guys are something else. To be honest with you, I'm going to miss the beach view. But, so what. It's still there. It's just not... right there when I wake up and look out my window.
* Chuck: Well, you can still look out your window and see me and Bomb.
* Red: Right. So you know, pluses and minuses. Okay, see you later. [closes his door]
* Chuck: Oh. Well, this just got awkward.
* Bomb: That's really insensitive. Want to go get a bite?
* Chuck: Forget it, let's just go home. [Bomb nods]
* Red: [opens door] Guys, I'm just messing with you. Get in here! [Chuck gasps]
* Bomb: I knew it!
* Chuck: Let's be roomies.
* Bomb: Roommates. Boy, I can't wait to make a chores list.
* Red: Wait, hold on a second.
* Chuck: I'll move my nest into the master bedroom. Bomb, you can stay in the guest half.
* Red: No no...
* Bomb: Ah! Can we get a bunk nest?
* Chuck: Oh, this is gonna be perfect!
* Red: Whoa whoa whoa whoa. Guys... No!
* [The Angry Birds Movie logo reappears. Mighty Eagle plays a record of Demi Lovato's cover of "I Will Survive" and dances]
* Mighty Eagle: Oh yeah. Moving out. Watch this. Coming right at you.
* [the ruins of Pig City are shown. One pig taps his hand to the beat. Another is stuck on a chimney]
* Pig: Oh yeah. Hello?
* [the other pigs, Terence, Matilda, Bomb, and Chuck dance and have fun]
* Ross: Come on, Leonard.
* Leonard: Leonard can't dance. He's hatching a new plan. [evil laugh]
* [Terence dances with the Hatchlings and smiles]
* Leonard: Okay, maybe I'll dance for just a sec. [He and Ross dance and laugh]
* Bomb: [dancing] Woo!
* Chuck: [dancing] Yee-haw!
* Bomb: Show them what you got, Red.
* Red: Bomb, uh-uh. [Bomb bumps him]
* Chuck: Come on, Red stuff.
* Red: Nope.
* Chuck: Yeah, yeah.
* Red: Nice try. [moves his eyebrows to the beat] Oh. Okay.
* [Red raises his eyebrows as the rest of the credits are shown. After the song, Jay and the rest of the Blues secretly escape their home.]
* Olive: There you go.
* Jim: Wait. What are we doing?
* [The Blues try to escape the passing birds]
* The Blues: Watch out! Ow! [they find the slingshot] Whoa! [they get launched while holding on together, as lightning forms around them. They split ways through the sunset above the ocean. The rest of the credits roll as Blake Shelton's "Friends" and instrumental music play in the background.]
Category:Transcripts
Category:Columbia Pictures Transcripts