Mission: Antarctica/Transcript

This is a transcribed copy of "Mission: Antarctica". Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the short.
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[The short opens up with a shot of a desk in the I.M.P Headquarters. A contract for an unknown target described as a man-eating beast is thrown onto the desk. The scene then changes to a portal opening up in Antarctica, with Blitzo, Moxxie and Millie falling out.]
Blitzo: Ah, that was a big jump.
Millie: *whimpers*
Blitzo: Christ on a stick, I'm freezing my little red cock off! Where is that thing supposed to be?
Millie: The client said it was near the research station.
Moxxie: Th-th-th-that research station?
[Cut to an exterior shot of McMurdo station, its door is seen being repeatedly opened and closed. Blitzo exhales and starts shivering.]
Moxxie: Oh crumbs, that can't be good.
Blitzo: Oh sh- yikes, yi-
[The station is full of dead bodies of people killed in a gruesome fashion.]
Moxxie: What happened here?
Millie: These guys were torn to shreds. I've seen Wrath b-b-b-beasts less brutal than this.
Moxxie: What and/or who could've done this?
[A roar is heard outside the station, and Blitzo turns to see the silhouette of what the imps believed to be responsible for the killings]
Blitzo: Uh, that, probably. Okay, Moxxie, get up top, Millie, cover the entrances, I got it here.
Moxxie: Yes, sir. (gets in position)
[Moxxie scopes in and sees a giant leopard seal running towards them.]
Blitzo: Y-you got him, Mox?
Moxxie: Yes sir.
Blitzo: Sweet, let's turn him into some SWISS cheese!
[Blitzo starts firing at the monster, but fails to hurt it significantly. Moxxie misses the first shot, but takes a deep breath and fires again, blowing the monster's head clean off.]
Blitzo: Guess he met his match, heh-heh. Eat shit in Hell, polar slut! Good job, Mox, now let's get out of this frozen fuckhole.
Millie: Hold it, Blitzo. Look at these marks. They weren't made by no bullets. And here, bite marks.
Blitzo: Sh-sh-sh-shit!
Moxxie: Uh, what? What's the problem?
Blitzo: This slut wasn't running toward us!
Millie: He was running away... from something else...
Moxxie: Look!
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[Cut to a penguin on top of a glacier, with blood below its beak, angrily staring at the imps.]
Blitzo: Drop him!
[Moxxie fires his sniper rifle and kills the penguin.]
Blitzo: Shit.
[A whole huddle of penguins show up.]
Blitzo: Fuck, that's like ten.
Millie: Well, maybe those ones are nice.
Penguin: (subtitled) Who are they?
Penguins: (subtitled) Who are they? Who are they?
Penguin: (subtitled) Who are they?
Penguin: (subtitled) *slurs*
Blitzo: They're not! RUUUN!
[The penguins start following them by a colony consisting of hundreds. They show a mouth full of sharp teeth.]
Millie: Mox! Come on!
[The imps enter the research station and Blitzo barricades it with furniture. The huddle of penguins try to break inside, while saying slurs.]
Moxxie: Sir, uh, could you get us out of here?
[Blitzo is on the ground, rubbing the crystal, trying to make it work, while Moxxie is shooting at the penguins and Millie is holding the barricades.]
Blitzo: (barely audibly) Fucking wrist crystal!
Millie: What's the hold up, Blitzo?
Blitzo: I can't just make it go, okay, I'm still getting used to this fucking thing!
[Blitzo throws himself around, doing various things to the crystal, attempting to activate it.]
Blitzo: Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it!
[Blitzo grips the crystal with his teeth and falls down to the ground.]
Millie: It's from Lust! You can't just brute-force it. You gotta treat it right. Caress it. 
Blitzo: I don't know, I... I've never been good at this shit.
Millie: Use your tongue!
[Blitzo starts licking the crystal out of obligation. Mille and Moxxie are staring at him with slightly disgusted facial expressions.]
Moxxie: How do you not know how to do this?
Blitzo: Moxxie! I'm a fucking top!
Moxxie: Try spelling the alphabet! (blushes)
Blitzo: A... bleh, C- B!
Millie: With your tongue!
Blitzo: I knew that.
[Blitzo starts licking the crystal while reciting the alphabet.]
Moxxie: Oh for Satan's sake!
[Moxxie shoves Blitzo's hand into his mouth and voluptuously tongues the crystal. Blitzo starts blushing.]
Blitzo: Oh, damn.
Millie: I taught him that.
[The portal suddenly opens, and Moxxie wipes his mouth.]
Moxxie: Can we go, please?
----
[Blitzo looks at his hand covered with saliva, then looks at Moxxie before going through the portal. Moxxie looked embarassed, covering his hands over his face. Lastly, Millie jumps through the portal as the penguins breaks the barricade. Now back in Hell with Blitzo and Moxxie, Millie sees a gas canister which has ruptured and pulls out a matchbox.]
Millie: Eat this, bitches! Hah!
[Millie throws a lit match through the portal and causes an explosion. She starts sadistically laughing, as the rookery scream in pain, and the research station blows up. Only a crater is left, and a lone penguin walks up to where the station once was.]
Penguin: (subtitled) *SLURS*!!!!!
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