Qwakerton Compactius VII

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NOTICE
The following entity entry was written by a member of the Major Exploration Group. Despite its comedic atmosphere, the entity of interest does indeed exist and seemingly possesses anomalous probability-altering powers.
Due to the entity's benevolent and omnipotent nature, it is decided by the Director of Base First Light that the entity be allowed to freely roam the Backrooms under the supervision of its assigned operatives (see section The Quack Knights
 below).
Proposals to:
Study the entity's properties
Utilize the entity in operations
Analyze the entity's biology
will be denied.
Proposals to:
Cuddle with the entity
Feed appropriate substances to the entity
Bathe in the entity's glory
will be accepted.
ENTITY OF INTEREST
NAME
Qwakerton Compactius VII
AFFILIATIONS
The Major Exploration Group
STATUS
Alive
CURRENT LOCATION
Level 1 (M.E.G. custody)
==Appearance==
Qwakerton Compactius VII,There is no line of succession. It's just a joke. often shortened to just "Qwakerton" or "Qwaker," is a mature male Call duck known for wandering the Backrooms. Standing roughly one foot tall (about thirty centimeters),This measurement was taken on May 30, 2023. the entity can be identified by the following characteristics:
* An identity card attached to a M.E.G. lanyard, featuring his full name, picture, and a list of his supervisors
* Chalk-white, fluffy feathers
* Two orange webbed feet, both spanning about three inches
* An orange beak with a white fade at the end
* A compact, chubby body that can be easily squished
Adorable, isn't he?
==Behavior==
Qwakerton's behaviors can be spontaneous and unpredictable, gradual and sluggish, or mindless and repetitive. Due to this variable personality, he is to be under constant supervision.The directive was issued in M.E.G. Base "First Light."
A large portion of Qwakerton's day is comprised of aimlessly wandering across the Backrooms, interacting with whatever he can find. This includes quacking at organisms, swallowing objects he shouldn't be swallowing, pecking at things he shouldn't be pecking, and staring off into space. Qwakerton requires roughly six hours of sleep every twenty-four hours. During his slumber, he is to not be disturbed.
Not that he can be disturbed, anyway. Qwakerton has been seen peacefully dozing through explosions, raids, entity attacks, and other deafeningly unignorable events. He seems to show to recollection of such events upon waking up. Truly an enigma, that duck.
==Anomalous Properties==
Qwakerton is known for unintentionally causing remarkable events across the Backrooms. It is statistically virtually impossible for him to engage in so much tomfoolery on an almost weekly basis. Despite having encountered numerous fatal situations, this wonderous duck has always managed to emerge almost unscathed. Whether this is anomalous or not remains unknown, but it has been suggested that Qwakerton can manipulate probability.
A light aggression-nulling aura seems to surround the duck in a fifteen-yard radius (roughly fourteen meters), causing most nearby hostile entities to act passive. However, this effect seems to vary per entity, as some are affected while others aren't.
All attempts to contain Qwakerton have been fruitless. He has been discovered breaching steel cages, meter-deep pits,Someone needs to tell the M.E.G. that Call ducks can fly. meter-high enclosures, and various other methods of containment. Comedically, all instances of breaching were caused by either a glaring error in the protocols or a simple, yet critical slip-up. Honestly, at this point, don't even try anymore. He cannot be contained.
==Discovery==
The exact history of Qwakerton prior to being discovered remains unknown, but it can be assumed that he was born in The Frontrooms and remained wild until being taken into M.E.G. custody.
Discovered by seven M.E.G. operatives on April 1, 2020, Qwakerton, only a duckling at the time, was inquiringly quacking at a concrete pillar in Level 1. Taken in under the M.E.G.'s care, he was properly fed and housed. Named simply "Qwakerton," he instantly began causing trouble in Backroom Pioneer Base Blink, accidentally causing computer systems across the entire settlement to fail. Qwakerton was never caught.
After several entity encounters, the group managed to take Qwakerton back to Base First Light. The operatives were battered and bruised. Qwakerton remained untouched. What a champ.
Since then, Qwakerton has caused widespread ruckus, destruction, and pacification throughout the Backrooms. Truly a magnificent duck.
The audio log regarding Qwakerton's discovery has been publicly archived below.
==The Mallard Branch==
Main article: The Mallard Files
The Mallard Branch, jokingly known as the "Quack Knights,"Many other names have been associated with this group (e.g., the Knights of Qwakerton, the Quackmasters, the Quacklords, et cetera). is a body of seven M.E.G. operatives assigned to the welfare of Qwakerton Compactius VII. The group was formally established five days after the duck's discovery. Aside from caring for their glorious duck, they are to document anomalous activity in Qwakerton's travels. Members of the Mallard Branch are listed below, organized from oldest to youngest:
* Tom "Ploinker" Longstone
* Eugene Longstone
* Ophelia Constor
* Jimmy Callahan
* Sarah Grant
* Klymph Hay
* Benjamin Brown
==Memorandum: Attached Piece==
From the Director of M.E.G. Base First Light
Out of the Darkness Came Innocent Laughter
I really don't know why I issued the directive to protect Qwakerton. He's just a small duck that — even despite our greatest attempts — causes trouble everywhere he goes. Really, I could just send him off into the depths of Level 1 and let the Smilers and whatnot deal with him, but here I am writing this note and feeding the little guy my bread crumbs.
But there's a lingering longing — a sort of attachment to Qwakerton despite the fact that I've personally met the duck only twice. The operatives who found him, though, can't get enough of him. Every time I see those seven, there's always that duck with them. I am half-tempted to establish a squad for Qwakerton.
Gosh, it has been so long since I've had a laugh. The Backrooms had made sure that that we walked on paper-thin ice. Every few steps, we'd fall through and humanity would take yet another major blow. Last year, we underwent the Great Disappearance; the sudden vanishment of thousands of levels dealt immense, irreversible damage to the total Backroomian population. Seven years ago, the Flicker annihilated our league and halved our damn resources.
Most of the guys here have never seen a duck, and some don't even know what a duck is. We've been too busy grabbing onto whatever thread of life is left that humor is simply a foreign concept. And there came from the heavens Qwakerton. The dumbass — I mean this lightheartedly — has been nothing but a pain in the ass and a pain to my lungs. I can't stop laughing with our most recent attempt to contain him.
Qwakerton is a diamond in the rough; the rascal must be protected at all costs. He is the light that will carry us out of this darkness.
Due to the current conditions, I am issuing one more directive, effective immediately:
M.E.G. Directive FL-954
Directive Issued By: Director of Base First Light
Directive Issued On: April 6, 2020
Directive Issued About: Establishment of a subdivision
Directive Status: Approved by M.E.G. Base Alpha
I am calling for the establishment of a minor M.E.G. subdivision — one dedicated to the supervision, documentation, and protection of the Entity of Interest known as Qwakerton Compactius VII. This group, dubbed the Mallard Branch, shall assume full responsibility of the E.O.I. until either it dies or can be undoubtedly concluded to be dead. The group will consist of the following members:
* Tom Longstone
* Eugene Longstone
* Ophelia Constor
* Jimmy Callahan
* Sarah Grant
* Klymph Hay
* Benjamin Brown
I am assigning Tom Longstone head officer of the Mallard Branch and Ophelia Constor head researcher. Any other positions assigned to members of the Branch as well as the addition of new members are to be determined by Longstone. Any desired details added to the fundamentals of the Branch are to be reviewed by Constor and approved by me. Honestly, I don't care what they do with their group. As long as they and the duck are happy, I'm happy.
Explore, create a government, be human.
Category:Entities
Category:Person of Interest
Category:Safe
Category:M.E.G.