Ghosts Ain't Real/Transcript

*[episode starts with a "Hideous Zombies!" sign. all the customers walk out of the movie theater as Mugman and Cuphead laugh.]
*Mugman: Zombies are not as scary as I thought they'd be.
*Cuphead: I'm proud of ya, Mugsy. You only needed to change your pants three times.
*Mugman: A new record.
*Cuphead: Oh! It's getting late. If we're gonna make it home before dark, we better take a shortcut through the old creepy cemetery.
*[the cemetery shows as a wolf howls.]
*Mugman: Nothin' scary about that. Not to a record breaker like me.
*Cuphead: Attaboy, Mugsy.
*[the brothers walk through the cemetery.]
*Mugman: Hm... Sure is a lot of tombstones.
*Cuphead: Uh-huh.
*[Mugman looks at the sun going down.]:
*Cuphead: Wow. Really starting to get dark now.
*Mugman: Some might find that unsettling, but not me.
*Cuphead: Good thing we're both so brave.
*Mugman: I can't think of a time I've been less scared.
*Cuphead: Nothin' scary about a graveyard.
*Mugman: It's just a yard.
*Cuphead: I'm in for playing.
*Mugman: We have a yard at home.
*Cuphead: We should vacation here!
*Mugman: We should live here!
*Cuphead: I never wanna leave!
*[lightning cracks as the brothers run for their lives.]
*Duke: Well, I know what we're doin' tonight.
*Emma: Things just got a lot more interesting.
*Biff: Go fish!
*[Duke slaps Biff and then Duke and Emma both fly away while Biff joins them.]
*Biff: Huh?
*[the gate slams shut.]
*Mugman: [gasps] Did you see that? It slammed shut outta nowhere!
*Cuphead: Okay, Let's just get a grip on ourselves. That was probably just the wind.
*Mugman: It was wind? What wind? I didn't feel any wind. No wind. Oh, No! x5 It won't budge! We're trapped!
*Cuphead: Relax. It just needs a little elbow grease. [Cuphead tries to pull the gate open.] Hm, stuck pretty good.
*Mugman: WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!?
*Cuphead: First, we're gonna calm down.
*Mugman: But what about g-g-ghosts?
*Cuphead: Ah, banana oil! Ghosts ain't real!
*Duke: [chuckles] You hear that? We ain't real.
*Biff: We ain't. [Duke slaps Biff again.]
*Emma: SHHHHHHHHHH!
*Cuphead: Looks like we're stuck. Eh. Someone will open the gate in the morning. Till Then, we'll spend the night and make the best of it.
*Mugman: S-s-spend the night? But what about the ghosts? I don't like this, Cuphead. I'm allergic to dead people.
*Cuphead: For the last time, Mugsy. Ghosts ain't real! Now you clear a spot, And I'm gonna get some firewood.
*Mugman: We're seperating?
*Cuphead: Well do you wanna come with me into the deep, dark woods?
*[the forest shows with sinister music playing.]
*Mugman: Is there a third, less terrifying option?
*Cuphead: [sighs] Look, don't worry. It'll be just like the movie. You think you're gonna be scared, But then it won't be so bad. 'Cuz why?
*Mugman: 'Cuz I'm a big strong man?
*Cuphead: Well, sure. But also because ghosts ain't real.
*Mugman: They better not be. I'm all outta spare pants.
*Cuphead: Just relax. I'll be back before you know it. [Cuphead walks into the woods.]
*[Mugman chatters with teeth while an owl hoots and then, Mugman gets scared.]
*Cuphead: That was an owl. [the owl hoots and Mugman, Then Mugman chuckled nervously, then gulps.]
*Cuphead: Typical Mugman. Always getting himself worked up over nothing. [Biff breaks a stick and Cuphead Gasps] What was that? [Then Emma blows on Cuphead.] Ooh! Who's there? [Biff tickles Cuphead, Then a log falls on him.] Whoa! Huh?
*Biff: Hello.
*[Cuphead runs away frightened. Then, the episode irises in while Mugman whistles. Then, Mugman almost gets scared of the scary branches. Then, Mugman sees some scary eyes and then the eyes turn into fireflies and then Mugman gets scared.]
*Mugman: [giggles] Fireflies. Cuphead was right. Ghosts ain't real. Ya know, It's actually kinda peaceful out here. Just the sounds of the wind, the owl the--
*Duke: Disembodied voice behind you.
*Mugman: Real cute, Cuphead. [sarcastic] Ha. x3 Hilarious. I know you're just trying to scare me, but I'm not falling for any of your-- [Mugman trips and falls to the ground.] ...Tricks. Not funny, Cuphead.
*Duke: I thought it was right funny. But I ain't never heard of no Cuphead. [Mugman looks at Duke slowly as Duke takes off the top of his head.] Top of the evening, love. [Mugman's nose falls off and then zooms away. Then, he puts his nose back on then zooms away again.]
*Mugman: Cuphead! x3 [The brothers both bump into each other.]
*Cuphead: Mugman, I don't wanna alarm ya, But I think I saw a--
*Mugman: GHOSTS!!!
*Duke: ♪ Don't believe what you heard 'cuz here is the deal ♪
*Emma: ♪ There is no need to panic 'cuz ♪
*Duke, Biff, and Emma: ♪ Ghosts ain't real ♪
*[the brothers scream and run away to a hiding spot.]
*Duke: ♪ I don't believe in ghosts
*Emma: ♪ They don't give me a fright.
*Biff: ♪ I don't believe in anything that bumpity-bumps in the night ♪ [blows raspberry]
*[the brothers run away while the ghosts follow them.]
*Duke: ♪ If you see things that you can't explain
*Emma: ♪ Best to ignore them ♪
*Biff: ♪ Or go insane.
*Eyed Gravestones: ♪ Whoo-oo-oo! ♪
*Mugman: ♪ You said they ain't real, They seem pretty real.
*Tree with bats: ♪ Whoo-oo-oo! ♪
*Cuphead: ♪ Listen, Mugman, we're caught in a jam pipe down 'cuz we gotta scram! ♪
*Every ghost: ♪ I don't believe in ghosts ♪ ♪ They don't give me a fright ♪ ♪ I don't believe in anything that bumpity bumps in the night ♪ I don't believe in spooks ♪ ♪ But when I'm all alone ♪ ♪ I have heard mysterious things that bang and clang and-- [music stops]
*Cuphead: [chatters] I know it's scary, Mugsy. But you gotta stop chattering your teeth!
*Mugman: My teeth aren't chattering. [skeletons appear as the brothers get frightened. Then five skeletons dance together. Then, another skeleton grabs Mugman's arms and then the brothers run away.] [Duke, Emma and Biff let some ghosts go after the brothers while the brothers run away. Then the brothers runs through a huge building.]
*Mugman: We gotta find a way outta here!
*Emma: Here's the way out. [a train comes towards the brothers.]
*Duke: Here. Try this one. [a grim reaper comes after the brothers while the grim reaper's axe chops part of the door.]
*Biff: Over here. x2 [A scary creature screams at the brothers' faces. Then, they runs up the stairs.]
*Duke: Here.
*Both: No!
*Emma: Here.
*Both: No!
*Biff: Here.
*Both: No! No more doors! [the brothers go falling to the bottom of the ground.]
*Duke: Now, do you believe in-- [screams] [the episode shows the brothers playing dead on the ground.]
*Biff: Boo! [Duke slaps Biff again.]
*Duke: Knock it off. We got a real problem here. ["Funeral March" by Chopin plays]
*Emma: One minute we're all having fun. The next minute, two cups are dead.
*Biff: Oh, them poor little cups.
*Duke: Shall we say a few words then? Huh? They're gone! [Cuphead walks under the whole wall while Mugman helps. Then, they run to their home.]
*Cuphead: We made it.
*Mugman: Safe at last.
*Both: Phew! [Elder Kettle screams]
*Elder Kettle: HIDEOUS ZOMBIES!!!
*[Elder Kettle attacks the brothers finding their zombies or not]
*Elder Kettle: Die, zombie, die! x2 [the episode ends as it cuts to black.]