Super Food Bros.

Super Food Bros. (スーパーフードブラザーズ) is a Japanese-American game developed by Nintendo in collaboration with renowned child manipulator Jared Fogle. The game features countless food mascots, obscure or well-known, that face off against each other in a fighting style much like the Super Smash Bros. series of games. The game released to critical acclaim and is currently beheld as the "greatest game ever" on IGN, who stated, "Finally. A game where you can answer the question of what food mascot would win in a fight." The review was reportedly written by Osama Bin Laden, who would later be found under a single loose floorboard in a Subway which, for some goddamn reason, has floorboards.
==Characters==
There are a lot of characters in Super Food Bros. I don't know how many, all I know is that there are a lot.
===Starters===
There are 10 starters in Super Food Bros., but don't get discouraged. This is less than 1/10th of the entire roster. The starter characters are all unique in their own special ways, and this was Lord Fogle's intention. See, starter characters in any fighting game need to impress the player. That's why the 10 most badass food mascots of all time were chosen to be the starter characters in Super Food Bros. Don't believe me? Oh really? Then why don't you take a look? I bet you can already tell that this entire paragraph is filler so that the article looks neater. Maybe I should've told you this later, so I didn't have to type this sentence.
Mr. Peanut
Mr. Peanut is a powerful character. He shoots small peanuts from his "Peastol", with each peanut dealing a fair amount of damage. However, if a peanut hits another Mr. Peanut, the peanut will simply be absorbed into the shell. It is Mr. Peanut's speciality to make competitive matches unfair, as he can literally break himself and put himself back together whenever he wants.
Captain Crunch
Captain Crunch is the most unfair character in the game. There. I said it. He crunches people and kills them in one hit. Lead devloper Jared Fogle stated that they didn't intend for Captain Crunch to be this way, but they loved his design so much that they couldn't change his moveset. And why would they? Never doubt a Fogle.
Chester Cheetah
By far the most badass food mascot of all time. Look at him, surfing on nothingness. Unfortunately, Chester Cheetah is the most hated character in Super Food Bros., which is total bullshit. Chester likes to launch Cheetos into people's assholes, which is a callback to this horrid commercial
PuppyMonkeyBaby
PuppyMonkeyBaby is something of an anomaly, because he looks like he would be the worst thing to play as in the game, but he actually turns out to be pretty goddamn good. He jumps onto people's faces and rips them clean off, while drinking Mountain Dew. This is considered "product placement", I've heard, but I don't think it promotes anything lightly.
Pepsi Man
Pepsi Man is the exact opposite of PuppyMonkeyBaby, because he looks awesome to play as, but he's actually the worst character in the game. Pepsi Man pisses on the ground and then commands his opponents to drink it; if his opponents agree to drink his piss, they will immediately die. It sounds awesome, but the entire process takes an upwards of about 30 seconds, which is incredibly unrealistic. I have been asked to lick piss off of the ground numerous times and my record is five seconds flat, but he was a fast pisser. My point is, Pepsi Man is bad.
Kool-Aid Man
It's everyone's favorite Kool-Aid Man! In his first fighting game, the perfect fighting game character is brought to life! Kool-Aid Man builds walls on the arenas before crashing through them, dealing immense damage. Kool-Aid Man is also unique because his health isn't based on percentages, but instead based on how much liquid remains inside of him. If he gets turned upside-down, he dies, essentially.
Klondike Bear
The Klondike Bear is one of the worst characters in the game. Why is he this way? Well, you put a bunch of food mascots in a fight against a defenseless polar bear, and then we'll talk. Every time Klondike Bear dies, a real polar bear is killed off in the wild.
California Raisin
The California Raisin is so terrifying, that any glimpse at him will result in immediate death. Even then, he literally is far from the best character in the game. If California Raisin is fighting on a stage with a cold climate, he will slowly turn back into a California Grape. In this state, he can do nothing but roll around and hope he doesn't get stomped on. California Raisin has a countering attack, which puts any opponent's attacks against them. He is the only character in the game to have this attack, besides every other character in the entire game.
Trix Rabbit
Trix Rabbit is so bad, he's good. However, because he is so good, he's actually terrible. Trix Rabbit is the second worst character in the game. The only thing he can do is steal items from his enemies, so if items are turned off, he is useless. He can't even taunt, jump or duck. He literally is garbage, however he somehow isn't worse than Pepsi Man. This is because Trix Rabbit ignores all knockback.
Onion Rings
Onion Rings is a character made for this game. Its purpose is to sit in the middle of the arena and look delicious. Chances are, its enemies will eat it, not being able to resist the delicious taste of an onion ring. However, Onion Rings is the smallest character in the game, roughly the size of a sprouting dick.