Transcripts 2000-11

Transcripts from November 2000 strips.
==November 3==
Panel 1Smith, looking stern, is pointing to a black and white photo of Norman attached to a whiteboard. An open door behind him leads into a hallway with another, red door visible.Smith: Right, as you all know today is Guy Fawkes and each year some little prick blows something up and course havoc. We are pretty sure that this bastard is responsible for all the attacks including the mortar attack on this very police station last year. However as you are so damn useless we've haven't got a single thing to pin on him.Panel 2Close-up of Smith.I want Gates kept under surveillance and bodies posted at all the suspected targets. I want you all to stay alert and be on the look out for any foreign objects that could be an explosive device.Panel 3Simons walks up to Smith, holding a box making a "TICK TICK TICK" noise.Simons: This ominously ticking package just arrived for you gov'.Smith: Put it on my desk Simons.
==November 6==
Panel 1Smith is holding the box making the "TICK TICK TICK" noise up to his face, panicking.Caption: After releasing that he could be holding a bomb and ruining his underwear, Sargent Smith ran out the police station as fast as his chubby legs could carry him and urgently called the bomb disposal squad.Panel 2Smith is outside the police station and on the ground, covering his eyes. A bomb disposal member is wearing a blast suit and holding up a wind-up alarm clock.Caption: But after six hours work the bomb squad wasn't too pleased just to find an alarm clock in a Tupperware box. But also there was a note addressed to Smith in the package too...Panel 3Smith is reading a note with an angry expression on his face.Note (written as though on a typewriter): Dear TubbyWhile you and your friends were running around like headless chickens, I've been busy at the pumping station.Love and kisses, your worst nightmare.Panel 4Silhouettes of onlookers watching a firework shoot into the air.Caption: Many people that night saw the pumping station go up as they were outside watching the Guy Fawkes fireworks displays.Panel 5Silhouettes of buildings, one of which is presumably the aforementioned pumping station, which explodes into shrapnel with a "KABOOM" sound.Caption: Their reaction to seeing such an event was identical.Unseen characters:ooOOoo!Ooo! Pretty!COOL!That rocked!Oh WOW!
==November 10==
Panel 1Richard gives Norman a dirty look. Norman, meanwhile, is laughing his head off with a "HA HA HA HA HA"Richard: Was it really that cleaver to blow up the pumping station? If it keeps raining like this the town could flood in no time!Norman: HAHA! That's the idea! I'll find it VERY funny to wake up to find this shit-hole of a town under water!Panel 2Same as panel 1, but now Richard has a smug grin.Richard: Yeah it'll be funny when it rains so hard the sewer overflows and it fills up the basement with floaters and used condoms!Panel 3Norman stops laughing, with a sober "*" of realisation appearing over his head. A picture of Eric Bradley Hawthorne, Jr. (Brad) is on the wall.Panel 4Kingston is standing inside his bedroom doorway, wearing the pink shirt with a white up arrow. Norman has "Norman's sincere smile" labelled in a separate word balloon specifically pointing to his face.Kingston: Yeah I'll swap rooms but why?Norman: Well I knew you always wanted my bedroom in the basement and I want a change of view...
==November 13==
Panel 1Recap:After Norman outwitted the local police and blew up the sewerage pumping station he realises that his bedroom in the basement would be the first thing to flood. So Norman swapped rooms with Kingston.Panel 2Norman is topless and lying in bed with his arms behind his head and blanket pulled up to his chest. He is looking sideways, suspicious.Norman: (thinking): I don't know why Kingston was so keen to get shot of this room. True it's not as big as the old one but it's a shit load warmer and better lit.Panel 3Close-up of Norman's face, now smiling and happily settling in to sleep.Norman (thinking): Huh, his loss I guess...Panel 4Norman angrily opens one eye.Background noise: *SQUEAK* *SQUEAK* BANG! *giggle!* Ah, that's it... ah... *SQUEAK*Panel 5Norman grabs his ears and yanks down on them, scrunching his eyes closed and gritting his teeth in rage.Norman (thinking): Nuuuuuuuggh! Now it's clear why Kingston didn't want the room next to Richard and Anne's!Background noise: *SQEEEE!* *SQEEEE!* Umm ah... yeah... oh god... *SQEEEE!* *SQEEEE!* *SQEEEE!* Oh god! Oh god! AH!Norman (thinking): FOR FUCKS SAKE! It's been TWO HOURS! Don't those two ever sleep?!
==November 17==
Panel 1Norman is in the yard and heading toward the shed, his eyes closed in angry tiredness.Norman (thinking): Damn it all! I haven't had a descent sleep all week thanks to Richard and Anne going at it each bloody night! No wonder Kingston was so glad to swap rooms with me.Panel 2Norman is inside the shed, groggily looking at something off-panel. A couple of buckets (of paint?) are on a shelf, and two other tools are visible behind Norman.Norman (thinking): Even if Kingston would give my old room back I'm too lazy to move all my stuff again and anyway bar the noise each night it's a better room. So I'll have take the only action left open to me....Panel 3Norman happily holds up a pair of garden shears.Norman (thinking): ...and chop Richard's dick off with these old garden shears. Problem solved!
==November 20==
Panel 1Norman is topless and settling down to lie on the couch, eyes closed and grinning.Norman (thinking): Why didn't I think of this sooner? Sleeping on the sofa maybe as comfortable as a sack of spuds but it beats listening to those two at it all night.Panel 2The camera angles to an overhead view of Norman lying on the couch, happily resting his head on a pillow.Norman (thinking): The floor is a lot thicker than those damn paper walls upstairs so Richard and Anne can screw each others brains out all night for all I care because I won't be able to hear the over sexed idiots!Panel 3Norman jolts awake, distressed.Norman (thinking): what the?!?Background noise: *giggle!* oh god ya... ah! that's it... right there!Panel 4The camera rotates to the side to show Norman trying to cover his head with the pillow, bloodshot eyes visible over the sofa armrest.Norman (thinking): Unless of course those bastards pick tonight to fuck on the kitchen table.... Must... not... kill... bastards...Background noise: HAY! That spoon's COLD! *giggle!*
==November 24==
Panel 1Norman is staring blankly into space, eyes blurry.Caption: 2:30pmPanel 2Same as panel 1.Caption: 3:50pmPanel 3Same as panel 1.Caption: 4:12pmSide panelSSDD (evil smiley face)Panel 4Same as panel 1.Caption: 5:34pmPanel 5Same as panel 1.Caption: 6:47pmPanel 6Richard is standing over Kingston, who is lying on the couch and leaning over the armrest, looking up at Richard.Richard: Okay, what the hell did you give him Kingston?Kingston: I've no idea! He kept on at me for sleeping pills so I gave him tablets I bought off Stretch the other night when I was drunk. It could be anything!
==November 27==
Panel 1Richard stares into Norman's unblinking eyes.Richard: I'm really starting to worry about him now! He hasn't been like this since he watched an entire episode of Babylon 5! Shit Kingston would you get off your fat arse and help here!Panel 2The camera rotates so Norman is facing forward. Richard has his tail in the camera but is looking angrily at Kingston, who is standing next to him and looking down vaguely at Norman.Kingston: I don't see why I should! I mean he's your friend and all, and as he threatens to kill me every day I'm not too keen on him myself. I say if he doesn't snap out of it, dress him up as a gnome and stick him in the garden!Panel 3Richard looks at Norman again while Kingston panics and starts sweating profusely.Richard: Or I COULD take him to hospital and tell the lovely doctors who gave him the pills to make this happen and then tell the nice policemen about the happy forest you've got growing in my attic you think I don't know about...Kingston: EEK! How about I call Stretch and try to find out what I gave him huh?
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