Glaze's Tree 2: Antala

A much-anticipated sequel to Glaze's Tree, the (only) original romantic comedy between Queen Glacier of the IceWings and Alendor the ant-god. I am currently writing this instead of studying for my Art History final, so you know it's inspired.
Synopsis:
When his wife Queen Glacier dies tragically in the IceWing plague, Alendor the giant ant goes looking for love again on the continent on Pantala.
==Prologue==
Alendor the ant god was boppin in his tree fort far in northern forest of the Ice Kingdom and reading the Icely Written-- a dragon newspaper that by all rights he should not have a subscription to-- when his esquire and messenger Antigone crawled up the trunk with a special letter from the antclans postal office. The scroll was covered in apple juice stains and blue snot, which was not a color Alendor was aware could come out of people's faces.
"Your Antliness, some terrible news has arrived from your estranged wife," the servant had no sooner said than Alendor snatched it up. Immediately his antennae began to spin like a frenzied helicopter. "THIS WASN'T IN THE SUDOKU PUZZLE" he thundered.
Then, declaring "Bring me my ugly kids at once," he threw a minor tantrum and chucked Antigone out of the tree. His half-IceWing ant children, Aldwyn and Alder, were actually standing right behind him but he had once again forgotten they were there.
"Wow, that was fast," he said, turning around when one of them (Aldwyn) coughed.
He explained the situation with their birth mother and they left the Great Mystical Tree of Godliness Also Trademarked but Not By the Ant Estates immediately. According to all known laws of aviation, non-IceWings were not supposed to be able to get over the Great Ice Cliff, but his subscription to the Icely Written gave him immunity so he just held it up as a shield and the animus security system didn't detect anything unusual. 
Before the IceWing circles could even recover from the psychic damage of the dragon-sized ant and his illegitimate hybrid children landing in their fancy classist courtyard, he angrily chewed through the nearest newspaper cart like a termite, and then stormed the palace.
"THIS CANT BE" Alendor exclaimed as he burst in, conveniently forgetting the apostrophe.
"Couldn't you at least try to use correct punctuation while I'm in the middle of dying?" Glacier croaked hoarsely. She looked ghastly ill and desperately in need of some herbal tea, not that any grew in the Ice Kingdom. Maybe they had the animus gift of cough drops or something. Alendor briefly considered asking if they had one for his daughter, who kept oddly coughing at different intervals.
"I am sorry my love," he said, tenderly holding her talon in his fingered tarsi. "You know how antsy I get when there's puns to be made."
The thermometer revealed her fever had risen by a few degrees. Unfortunately he just continued talking. "There must be an antidote. I have to find something. Anything."
"You won't. The gifts revealed to me that this is a curse cast on my tribe by the animus Darkstalker, that ancient NightWing king-- he's back from the dead you know."
"He shan't get away with it then. I will undo this enchantment," he swore to her, "I will have a scrap with him and put him in the ground just like when I challenged Antgeorge the 17th for the throne of heaven."
He pulled up to Darkstalker's hood before she could respond, having disappeared in a poof of ants and reappearing near Jade Mountain. The ground beneath him was literally rumbling with rusty red clouds. It was like that character from Charlie Brown, except instead of dirt, just mounds and mounds of biting ants. "COME OUT THIS INSTANT AND ANT-SWER FOR YOUR CRIMES" he hollered at the very large NightWing, interrupting a speech he was making to a few of the easily suggestible JMA students. 
Darkstalker turned and snorted at him, sizing him up quite literally. "What, an ant?" the dragon said calmly, bemusedly. Then he took Alendor with his front talons and flicked him so hard as to send him flying all the way back to the Ice Palace. He crashed through the front window and steamrolled into the bedroom, and collided with his wife right as her soul was leaving her body.
"NOOOOOO" he cried, sobbing a steady stream of ants into the side of Glacier's head. "Whatever shall I do? They will evict me from my treehouse now that I have disgracefully lost the duel with that animus. I have to leave Pyrrhia at once or be cANTcelled forever."
There was a sad montage of him eating alone in a MacDonalds with Bittersweet Symphony playing in the background as he debated what he should next do. In this montage, Aldwyn was behind the cash register, and Alder was stuck in the kitchen washing the fryer because he had a lifetime ban from customer service. This was on account of his unstoppable compulsion to slap every idiot that comes into the restaurant. He and his father have this in common.
Then Aldwyn did a most unexpected thing. She began to levitate and, like an expositional NPC, went into a very elaborate monologue.
"Father," she said monotonously, T-posing and rising from the ground "it is true that we may have to leave Pyrrhia, however I know of a continANT far away that might be of help to us."
"My child's first ant pun," Alendor tearfully gasped, "I'm so proud."
Then she coughed even harder than she had been doing, and an entire map leading to Pantala fell out.
"HOW AND WHY" Alder interrogated her.
"I have expensive taste," said Aldwyn.
Alendor picked up the map from the floor and scrutinized it carefully. "Hm... P-ANT-ala," he read aloud. "That sounds familiar. I think I might have been there once. Yeah... there was a rager there before the Scorching. Every ant in existence turned up to get turnt up." Then he noticed the map was drawn with teal Crayola and dissolved into tears, and Aldwyn had to take it back from him.
"I miss Glacier so much already," he cried, "this crayon map... it... it just reminds me of when we had to raise you kids and that time we wiped all your ugly pink crayon drawings off the palace walls"
"Wait, that was you?" demanded Alder. "I could've been king of like twenty anthills with those blueprints."
"I APPREICTE YOUR ANT-BITION" sobbed Alendor. His puns were getting worse and more desperate.
"Okay dad," Aldwyn reassured him. "Look. What if we got you a new wife?"
Alendor slapped his kid point blank. "I CANT GET A REPLACEM-ANT WIFE" 
"Sure you can," Alder suggested. "Mom HATED us, so the bar is pretty low. We can call your new wife our Ant."
"Hm..." considered Alendor, wiping his tears. 
==Chapter 1: The AdvANTure Begins==
==Chapter 2==
Category:Fanfictions
Category:Fanfictions (Fanon)
Category:Fanfictions (Incomplete)
Category:Content (FourFlames)