The Antics of an Intern

<Center>The Antics of an InternWritten by Written for Spin-Off Kings</Center>
==Scene 1==
[opens, shows Patrick run through the side of SpongeBob’s pineapple]
Patrick: SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!
Spongebob: What’s up Patrick?
Patrick: I am here to announce something! I am going to find a job…
Spongebob: OH NO! WHO’S DONE THIS TO YOU?!
Patrick: (laughs) No Spongebob! I am actually going to get a job as a nurse intern at the local hospital.
Spongebob: Oh you’ve already applied?
Patrick: No but i know they’ll take me… i’m just too good to not get the job.
Spongebob: You do understand you don’t get paid as an intern?
Patrick: I know… i just really believe in the act of not getting paid for hard work!
Spongebob: (sighs happily) Don’t we all…
Patrick: Welp Spongebob! I’m going to get the implants in the many painful steps to become an intern nurse!
Spongebob: Good luck Patrick! 
Patrick: (runs out of the hole he made in the pineapple)
Spongebob: Oh yeah can you fix that later? (nervous)
Patrick: I’m not a wall nurse! (screams from distance)
[cuts to the emergency room]
Gilliam: Welp Patrick… i must say your application seems promising… It is quite amazing how many hot dogs you can eat in under a minute...
Patrick: So can I become an nurse intern?
Gilliam: Oh neptune no! (laughs) What kind of question is that? No… but you are certainly qualified to become just an intern.
Patrick: Oh… what’s the difference?
Gilliam: Well you see, you just help around the offices and print papers and documents…
Patrick: I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS! (storms out of room then peeks his head back in) When do I start?
==Scene 2==
Patrick: (prances around in the hospital singing ‘da da da’ and accidentally runs into a guy with a broken leg)
Fred: MY LEG!!!
Patrick: Oh sorry… (gets back up and starts prancing around again) Hello mam… I am here to print some documents!
Receptionist: It’s okay sir… i don’t need anything printed now but thank you!
Patrick: Okay… what about now?
Receptionist: Nope still fine…
Patrick: What about now?
Receptionist: No!
Patrick: What about now?
Receptionist: NOO!!
Patrick: Neptune! Fine sorry… (peaks his head back in) What about now?
(cuts to him in Gilliam’s office)
Patrick: I’m bored! Hey mister Gilliam, what can i do?
Gilliam: Great question Patrick! We actually need one more person for the phones!
Patrick: I WANNA DO IT! I WANNA DO IT!
Gilliam: The job is yours! 
Patrick; Awesome… 
Gilliam: Now all you have to do is sit and want for this here phone to ring…
Patrick; You got it.
Gilliam: (walks away)
[phone rings]
Patrick: Mr. Patrick speaking, how may I help you?
Old Lady: I’VE FALLEN AND I CAN’T GET UP!
Patrick: WELL YOU GOTTA TRY! (hangs ups) Why are people so lazy these days…
[phone rings]
Patrick: You better not be that lady again!
Billy Mays: HI BILLY MAYS HERE SELLING YOU OXICLEAN OVER THE PHONE!
Patrick: I LOVE OXI-CLEAN! What is it?
Billy Mays: HOW BIG DO YOU WANT YOU'RE OXICLEAN!
Patrick: OH NO! ADS!!!!! (Screams like a woman, and hangs up) That was spooky!
[phone rings]
Patrick: You got some nerve buddy callin’ me again!
Freddy: Hello, this is Freddy from Tech Support! You’re computers are saying the opposite of what they should…
Patrick: BLAH BLAH BLAH, QUIT TRYING TO SELL ME TIMESHARES BUDDY!
Jordan: Hello? This is Jordan Beezow Doo Doo ZopittyBop Bop, Fred is right, this is no lie!
Patrick: I’d like my ads in my magazines only! [SEX JOKE] GOODBYE
Jordan: NO!
[Patrick hangs up the phone, cuts to him in the lineup for the food court]
Patrick: Hello! I would like to order one sandwich supreme please!
Food Guy: This food is only for the sick ONLY! 
Patrick: I’m sick… in the head. That’s what people at home security tell me.
Food Guy: Sir, can you please step out of the line! How about you just go eat at the Krusty Krab or something…
Patrick: (sighs and starts to drool) Sweet fresh buns… delicious lettuce and tomatoes… crispy cheese. Yeah i’ll get a Krabby Patty!
Food Guy: Sir! We don’t serve Krabby Patties here! Just go to the Krusty Krab… it’s not that far away.
Patrick: You got it dude… (walks out of frame)
(cuts to him bursting through the Krusty Krab doors)
Patrick: YOU’RE REGULAR STARFISH IS HERE!
[Shows the rest of the customers with crickets chirping.]
Rory: What’s not regular about me?
Patrick: Hello Squidward, i would like to order one Krabby Patty!
Squidward: Whatever your disgusting stomach says… SpongeBob, one krabby patty please…
Spongebob: One Krabby Patty for the nurse intern… coming up!
Squidward: What do you mean by nurse intern?
Spongebob: Well Patrick got a job as a nurse intern… or wait, did you?
Patrick: No… but i did get a job as a normal intern!
Girl: Wait a second… did i just hear one of you guys say he is a nurse intern?
Spongebob: No, sadl-
Patrick: No baby, i’m no intern, (whispers) just a nurse…
[cuts to a operating room]
Gilliam: Nurse, hand me the wrench…… Nurse?... NURSE?! Oh my neptune, I KILLED WALTER!
[cuts to squidward’s house]
Squidward: WHO CARES?!
==Scene 3==
[cuts to Patrick busting through the emergency room doors wearing a nurse jacket, everybody looks him in amaze]
Patrick: (walks up to receptionist) What’s up baby doll? Do ya got anything for me print?
Receptionist: (talks boringly) Yeah, 100’s of papers…
Patrick: Oh yeah! (walks to room with people wearing white masks) Hmm… the fresh smell of diseases… (coughs really badly, like a smoker) I’m gonna go…
Assistant: Nurse Patrick… here is your latte and cherry sprinkled donut.
Patrick: I DID NOT ASK FOR CHERRY! I ASK FOR TOMATO!
Assistant: I’m so sorry… (runs away)
Patrick: And that’s how to be a boss… 
[cuts to Patrick walking to the food court]
Patrick: I will get ONE KRABBY PATTY!
Food Guy: Sir! WE DO NOT SERVE FOOD TO THE NON-SICK!
Patrick: I AM A NURSE AND YOU WILL DO AS I SAY SO!
Food Guy: One Krabby Patty coming up…
[cuts to him sitting in random office]
Assistant: Nurse Patrick… here is your latest memo from Doctor Howard.
Patrick: Let’s see this… I HAVE TO PERFORM A SURGERY?!?!
Assistant: (laughs) You always crack me up Sir Patrick… (walks away)
Patrick: Oh no… what am i going to do?!?! I’m gonna call the one person i know who’s perform many surgeries… SQUIDWARD! (dials his number)
Squidward: (not shown but heard on telephone) You’ve reached a lost cause… please call back when i’m dead. (hangs up)
Patrick: Oh no! What about Spongebob! (dials SpongeBob’s number)
Spongebob: (answers) Hey Patrick!
Patrick: I need your help… 
Spongebob: What do you need help with buddy?
Patrick: I don’t think faking a nurse is always good because I have to perform surgery on someone!
Spongebob: I took a doctor class in college, and I got this book on surgery, and I think it would help.
Patrick: Thanks! You’ve always come through for me when I had my everyday problems. Now what is in the book that is useful that I need to know!
Spongebob: Well first of all, when performing surgery you always have to keep pupi-
Patrick: YOU’RE USING WORDS I DON’T UNDERSTAND! (hangs up) Welp… i guess i’ll just have to go with it.
[Patrick bursts through surgery room door]
Patrick: Let’s do this… (picks up saw and chain)
Fred: OWW! MY LEG! (quietly) it hurts so much… 
Patrick: Just get a little there… a little there. Little pepperoni there.
Fred: STOP PARADING ME WITH PEPPERONIS!
Patrick: Sorry you just look like a pizza and I like pepperoni pizza.
Fred: Someone please!
Assistant: He’s so handsome while doing this…
Receptionist: He can print my papers all day he wants…
Gilliam: What is going on here!
Patrick: Uh-oh… 
Gilliam: Oh no! Patrick, what do you do to this poor man?!?!
Patrick: (acts sad) I paraded him with pepperonis and cheese.
Gilliam: No gonna lie, he looks pretty delicious but THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT! YOU ARE FIRED PATRICK!
Patrick: You got it sir… (walks away from emergency room) Welp, i guess i had it coming.
Spongebob: Hey Patrick… how’s your first day?
Patrick: Pretty bad. I just got fired… 
Spongebob: Wow! That’s a new record.
Patrick: Hey!
Spongebob: Sorry… 
Patrick: It’s okay! Now i can FINALLY enjoy the life of a jobless bachelor!
Spongebob: (laughs) Hey! Maybe you can try to apply to be a intern cop!
Girl: Did i just hear one you guys say he is a intern cop?
Patrick: No baby! (puts on shades) I’m just a cop…
[Episode ends.]
==Epilogue==
Patrick: I love this show
[bonk]
Patrick: [laughs] THAT GUY GOT HIT ON THE HEAD WITH A COCONUT, Ahh, television, how does this show stay fresh after 4,562 episodes?
[bonk]
Patrick: [laughs] THIS IS THE BEST EPISODE YET!
TV Narrator: The Bonk Show has been cancelled by GOX, the other 17 episodes produced for the season will now be lit on fire
Patrick: GOX DOES IT AGAIN, THEY CANCEL THE FISHIN’ SEASON! [Censor “fishin’”]
TV Narrator: And now, The Dumpsons, has been cancelled.
Patrick: BARNACLES!
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