Yoshi's Safari 2: The Search for Miyamoto/Original Story

When you're searching for a missing person as important Miyamoto himself, you call in the best. That's why I'm here. My name is Yoshi, and I've been given a very special mission."We're nearing the drop zone," Uncle Tito's voice speaks over the intercom of the aircraft I'm in, "Agent Grey, open the hatches. Agent W, ready your unit for deployment."Bill Grey does as he's told. Heavy winds blast away at all of us once the door to the plane is open. "The hatches are open!"The team begins the role call as I wait patiently. There's Waluigi, the team leader. We've got Wario, the new recruit. Tito and Bill are going to be making low-altitude rounds for aerial support, if necessary. Then there's me, I've been brought in as a civilian specialist. Why? Because if anyone can sniff out Shiggy M, it's me. Last but not least, the agency has their best agent sitting next to me. He's been added to the team as point-man to keep the operation going smoothly. He's covered up in thick combat gear and he's wearing a hood, so I can't really see his face."Well, there's no time like the present. Let's get moving," the hooded guy says. His voice sounds kind of like he's grumpy. He's the first one to make the jump, grabbing his parachute and diving out of the plane like it's nothing."Agent W? Agent DoubleW? Good luck, bruddahs," Tito encourages one last time, before the rest of us make our departure and jump ourselves.It's the scariest thing I've ever felt, seeing the ground thousands and thousands of feet below, with the force of air resistance attacking me from all angles. But it's exhilarating, in a way. It reminds me those cloud levels Mario used to take me through after I grew wings. The freedom of the open air is really something special.Our parachutes come out and we slowly hover down into the deep forests of the island. This is the location of our mission, the island that Jurassic park took place on. It's directly where agency intel lead us. Miyamoto is here... the REAL Miyamoto. I can feel it.We all check our supplies to make sure everything had securely made the fall with us. All of our rations are intact, and we all have our survival gear. Wario is carrying a Survive-Evade-Resist-Escape Kit with him in case things go south for us."Alright team, let's get moving," Waluigi commands. We begin our jungle hike.Several minutes of tense radio silence as we hear nothing other than the sounds of ruffling grass and leaves as we push through the jungle plants. Our point-man is on top of things the moment they turn suspicious. "I'm picking up life signs. There may be hostiles. Keep your heads down."Sure enough, it's an ambush. From the bushes jump out two goblins wearing loincloths and holding clubs, a gooey pile of slime the size of a person, and three Shinra soldiers. We all jump to take cover and draw our weapons, but it's pretty apparent from the get-go that we aren't in as much danger as we thought."Why are they just standing there looking at us?" Waluigi asked.I may have an idea. "Isn't this one of those whatchamacallits? An RPG random encounter?""Yep," the hooded guy agrees. He pulls out his rifle and shoots all of them dead in quick succession.They each drop treasure chests, and Wario wastes no time diving head first to pilfer all of them. "Money money money money money!!""Jesus man, show some restraint," Waluigi says.Wario is hardly even listening, instead humming a song to himself. "Put the cash, put the cash, put the cash, in my hand...""Come on, Wario. We have to go. We don't have time for your greedy antics," Waluigi criticizes.We all walk as a group and keep moving forward. "You're one to talk about someone else's antics. At least my character is consistent. Consistently greedy! Wahahaha!"None of us really know what he's talking about."I mean, come on. It doesn't even make sense. What exactly is your motivation?""I work for the gov-""No. No no no, no. I mean, in the actual games. Seriously, cousin. You just show up and play tennis and shit. What drives you? What are your life goals?"Waluigi seems to be getting pretty moved, emotionally. He takes out his wallet and opens it up, and a line of pictures drops down from it. I can see Ridge Troopa, Bobby Hill, Wario... and pretty much all of the important people we know. Waluigi takes a breath of air and sounds invigorated. "I fight for my friends.""Get it together, team," the hooded guy says. He's obviously the one taking things the most seriously, so his training as an agent really shows. "We're coming up on an enemy outpost."Just out of the clearing of the jungle there's an old, single floor building. It has a high ceiling, and looks to be about the size of a warehouse. There are a few overturned jeeps and old pieces of equipment laying around in the dirt outside of the building, looking pretty worn and beat up.Our point guy runs up to the building and puts his back up against the wall, careful to keep away from the door. He calls us over with a quick hand signal, and we rush over to take cover behind him. Using his fingers, he gives us a countdown from 1 to 3, and on 3 he kicks open the door and rolls into the building, with his rifle out and on his knee in an aiming position. We rush into the room and take tactical cover in places that give us the most visual coverage as a team.We seem to be interrupting some kind of ritualistic sort of thing. A bunch of figures in cloaks are standing around in a large circle, and in their center there's a large person in a cloak and a small person in a cloak. The small one has a British accent, and sure enough it's Toadette. "It seems you are ready to become my apprentice. I shall dub thee, Darth... Glorp Glap? Gorgle Orgle Glep!""Wait, if Toadette is working for Emperor Palpatine, but is taking on an apprentice, then she's seriously breaking the Rule of Two here!" Waluigi exclaims."Are you some kinda fuckin' nerd, bruddah?" Tito asks over radio.Toadette looks our direction. "But first. Please attend to our unwanted guests."The taller person removes his cloak, and it turns out it's Petey Piranha. He takes out a red lightsaber. The circle of cloaked figures turn and reveal themselves to be Monty Mole Sith Acolytes, who each have crimson energy blades of their own.Out of nowhere, our hooded guy blasts away running at them full speed. He takes off his hood, and he seems to be wearing some kind of mask with red glass over his eyes. "I've got you in my sights!" he shouts.He pulls out a green lightsaber and throws it like a boomerang, controlling its spin and curve so that it eliminates every minor enemy in the room before coming back into his hands. He catches it just in time to leap into the air and swing a mighty downward strike at Petey, who blocks the attack with his own blade.The rest of us move out and try to track Toadette, but she had already left the building before any of us could do anything about it.Petey and our guy clash blades at an extreme speed for several seconds before Petey is struck down. Petey surrenders with his unique, one of a kind accent. "Ouch. Ok, ok, I give up. Whoa nelly, that smarts.""No time to waste! We have to catch Toadette!" our teammate shouts, running after her without even sheathing his lightsaber."Wow, I didn't know you were actually Jedi Master Jack Morrison!" Wario says with surprise."Now that's a name I haven't heard in a long time... just call me 76."Outside of the building, we see a nasty surprise to greet us. Two gigantic tyrannosaurus rexes stand at the height of buildings looking down at us with sharp teeth and watering mouths."Get back, you despicable dinovores!" I threaten, "You're dealing with the son of a licensed plumber here!"I take out my high ordnance weapon, a Super Nintendo Super Scope. The four of us attack the dinosaurs with all we've got as Toadette watches from a ledge above.Suddenly, I hear a wrathful, inebriated, mushroomy scream from high above. A small figure jumps out of the trees with a combat knife in his mouth. landing on one of the t-rex's heads. I can hardly believe my eyes, but it's Toad! But something looks different about him. Toad takes the knife and stabs the dinosaur in the eye like a Zelda boss weak spot, which makes the beast easy to take down for Wario, Waluigi and I. 76 had already decapitated the other rex by the time our target went down. "Toad! How the hell do we keep running into one another like this?" Waluigi asks, happy to see his friend even if confused. All of us are happy to see a familiar face."I don't go by that anymore... the name is 'Punished' Toad," he speaks, with a much more grizzled and grumbly voice than I've ever heard him use. He seems to be wearing an eye patch. And there's a piece of shrapnel sticking out of his head-- no, wait. That's just an Animal Crossing amiibo card sticking out of his head. "I've been in a coma for nine years, and now I'm here to get my revenge.""But Toad, I just spoke to you yesterday," Wario points out.An unfamiliar, shady voice comes out of nowhere. "He's with me. We've been working together. He bumped his noggin a while back so his head's a little shaken up.""I know you," 76 explains, "You're Shadow the Hedgehog. With G.U.N.""That's right. I've been tasked with cooperating with the United States-Mushroom Kingdom Joint Intelligence Operation to aid in your mission," Shadow explains, but he doesn't seem very confident. "Only problem is, I'm not entirely sure what the mission is. I was getting the mission briefing from headquarters when they had audio issues. First there was a really loud buzzing, and then the sound cut out. By the time the sound came back, the briefing was over and Crush 40 was already performing their show.""Pretty simple," Wario smiles, "We just gotta bag Toadette. Apparently I've done it before, so I can do it again.""Oh yeah I guess you did capture her in the first place huh," Waluigi realizes."This time we'll use stronger ropes," Wario promises."Well, if you mean the little pink headed thing, I saw it on the way here. We're going to have to move if we want to catch her. There's no time to play games."Waluigi has to address all of the details, first, however. "But that's not entirely true. Our mission is to locate Shigeru Miyamoto. We believe he has been kidnapped and is on this island."   "I think if we follow her, she'll lead us to him," I theorize.We all move as one into the next building, which is about half of a mile away from the first one. This one is much larger, easily the size of an entire military complex. Now it's finally my turn to shine. I stand as far away from Wario as possible and I start taking big sniffs of the air. I think I can smell Miyamoto. "We should look at the third floor," I suggest.We rush into the building as a group, and between the six of us we are able to cover a lot of ground. We still can't seem to find our rescue target, though. Even just the third floor is incredibly large."We may be close enough for this to work now," 76 says. He activates his cool google things. "I see body heat from a person who is chained up in a room two hallways away from here. Let's move."The door to the room is locked, so Shadow rips out a stop sign from the ground and uses it to break the handle and the lock to enter the room. I can hardly believe it; it's Miyamoto!"We're getting you out of here, sir," 76 reassures professionally. "Are you hurt?""No, no. I'm fine. And you are just in time. Their plot almost came to be.""What exactly is their plot?" I ask."They seem to be allied with the Chinese. They have been trying to create Chinese bootleg video games for years, and have found moderate success. But with the help of me, the guy who invented mushrooms, they would have the potential to make bootlegs even greater than the original games! What's more, I overheard they plan to betray the Chinese and use the country's military might to take over the galaxy!""This is getting stupider by the minute," Toad snarls with a deep voice, "Let's just get him out of here and then blow this damn place to kingdom come. That's the way we do things in this unit. We are Platinum Poochies."Three guards catch us by surprise by entering the room, and we are almost shot then and there before we can even react. But a small dog takes out the men with an electric knife. It's Poochie, except he has an eyepatch too now.Poochie runs up to Toad and receives calming pets from his master. "Attaboy, PP.""Let's get out of here!" I stress. We all clamor down the stairs and out of the building and begin sprinting to the extraction point where Tito will pick us up. Along the way, we run into our hugest obstacle yet, though.As we reach an open field which gives off the impression of a battlefield from a world war II battle, we find ourselves faced against a literal army of Mr. Potato Head Stormtroopers."Take cover!" Waluigi shouts. We manage to hide behind a pile of rocks just in time, as the bullets start flying past where we had been standing.We're in a real jam, but Waluigi steps up as our leader and instantly pulls together a working plan. "Wario, Yoshi; you're with me. We're getting Miyamoto out of the line of fire and to the drop zone. The rest of you? We're going to need cover fire.""Heh," 76 chuckles, "This is why I'm here. The war's not over, yet, people," he snarks, reloading his gun with a click. He hops from cover and immediately begins neutralizing targets by the dozens with carefully placed shots."I'll show you all why they call me the ultimate life form," Shadow boasts, picking up a gatling gun the size of an aircraft carrier from the Egg Fleet. He doesn't fire it or anything, he just kind of starts swinging it around and knocking enemies over all across the field."Can we really afford to leave them to fight?" Miyamoto questions with heavy concern for his saviors, "If we leave them here it might be too late by the time we can be rescued!""By now it's too late," Toad mumbles gruffly, "Miyamoto-san, we're already demons."With Poochie at his side, Toad screams and leaps from cover. He storms the battlefield, courageously waddling forward on his baby feet while valiantly firing his UN automatic assault rifle."You two go, I'm going to stay here and help!" I say. Waluigi looks at me as if he wants to protest, but he sees the look in my eyes, and knows I have a purpose here. I pop out from cover and use the rocks I've been hiding behind to hold my Super Scope for more accurate shots. Waluigi and Wario duck, crouch, roll, and crawl out with Miyamoto, and for five long minutes our team controls the battlefield to ensure Mr. Video Game himself escapes unharmed."Webber, we're getting overrun here!" Shadow yells into a communication device, "Aaron! We need some help here!"His support from HQ was slow to respond. "Just give me a few moments, Shadow, I have to finish tweeting this meme. It's pretty great, it has the MS Paint Sonic drawing and-""AARON! NOW!" Shadow shouts."Alright, alright. Prepare for titan fall," the social media man on the other end announces.A large object drops from the sky like a burning comet, hitting the ground with a crash and revealing itself to be one of G.U.N.'s mini-mechs. Shadow hops right in and goes to town blasting away at enemies and obliterating them in large groups at once.I can see Toadette on the other end of the battlefield. I use binoculars and a sound amplification device to listen in. She seems to be chuckling, not at all concerned by the chaos."Whoa, soul sister. Looks like you could use a hand, hahaaaaa," I hear. No way... It's Darth Maul. He rides a tidal wave in on a surf board in swim trunks. He's sporting a sick tan and wearing sunglasses shaped like martini glasses with limes and umbrellas. "I think I can take care of things from here."
  "Do as you will," Toadette grins with sinister intent.Maul pulls out a conch shell and blows into it. I can hear "DA-DA-DASH!!" shouted in the distance. Suddenly a giant, Japanese looking robot comes out of nowhere. Maul hops right into the mouth and begins piloting the Goemon Impact.
  "We're here too, buddies!" I hear Luigi announce, I'd recognize his voice anywhere. Up in the sky, I can see the Great Fox, and they are deploying a mech of their own. Much larger than Shadow's... it's the Megazord itself.
  "It's morphin' time!" The Red Power Ranger shouts. Over the next few moments they explain who is actually coming to our aid. Piloting the head is Red Ranger. Donkey Kong has control over the torso. Shy Guy has the left arm, and Bullet Bill has the right. Mike Tyson controls the right leg. Finally, the left leg is piloted by Mario, Princess Peach, and Boo.The Megazord immediately clashes with Impact, and the two mighty beasts carry out a fight of vicious punches and kicks right before our very eyes."Guys, we have a problem here!" Wario shouts through our comm device, "They have us blocked off!""They really want Miyamoto badly!" Waluigi reaffirms, "I don't think we can make it through!""Don't worry, Miyamoto-san; we won't leave you hanging!" Bill Trinen shouts over the same radio channel. I look up into the sky and see a gigantic B-52 bomber with the Famicom color scheme. Bill has come in with the cavalry, and with the help of Nintendo maybe we can actually pull this off. Bill drops a payload of deku nuts onto the enemies blocking Miyamoto's escape route, and then drops a payload of military grade napalm onto the battlefield, severely thinning the number of enemies. Bill deploys the Star Fox team to swarm the field, picking off enemies with professional precision. To finish the job, the bomber plane opens up to let loose parakoopa paratroopas, lead by Eiji Aonuma dual wielding MAC-10 sub-machine guns. With a hailstorm of bullets, the enemy is completely suppressed into a full retreat. Through the fire and the flames, Shadow, 76 and I are able to finally press forward to pursue Toadette in the enemy compound on the other edge of the map. We are stopped, however, by the thundering stomp of Impact."Can't let you do that, Star Fox, dudes!" Darth Maul shouts."But WE'RE Star Fox," Fox McCloud retorts."But they're the ones piloting the Great Fox?" Maul questions."Can we have our ship back Luigi?" Slippy asks."Yeah later this week," Luigi answers."Cool. Thanks," Falco replies.Maul sends Impact attacking, ready to smash us into dust. But fortunately, Nintendo has one last trick up its sleeve.A third mech falls from the sky and grabs Impact's arm before it can crush us.
  Reggie Fils-aime. stands proudly in the cockpit of the Regzinger Z. "My name is Reggie, and I, am happy."Darth Maul breaks loose from the hold. "There's no way you can defeat Impact, dude~!""There's been nothing proven that violence in video games has an impact," Reggie retorts, socking Impact in the face with a John Wayne punch.While Impact is distracted, Reggie puts it into an armlock so the Megazord can beat the shit out of it with repeated punches to the stomach. Reggie rips the machine's arms off, and the two friendly mechs start giving Impact a swirly in a giant toilet."Not cool, bros," Darth Maul moans with discontent as Impact explodes spectacularly. We're free to keep moving now.We zip through the field like lightning, dodging and jumping over bodies, flames, weapons, and debris. I can see the Regzinger Z picking up Waluigi, Wario, and Miyamoto in the palm of its enormous hand. "It's a new day. A new day for me, and a new day for Nintendo. You're safe now, Mr. Miyamoto."To my--or rather, our--surprise, Toadette hasn't escaped. Instead she stands facing us, wearing a brown duster swaying heavily in the breeze. She activates a red lightsaber of her own, which is shaped like a scarlet golf club. "Get ready for the Toadstool Tour."I open fire with a barrage of energy shots, and she predictably parries to deflect them all, returning some in the process. I knew she would. Saw it coming a mile away. I combat roll out of the way and keep firing, keeping her off balance and knowing one of my team mates will take advantage of the opening to attack. I see in the corner of my eyes that Toad is busy sneaking and laying around mines; Poochie must have gone with the others by this point. 76 rushes in and engages Toadette in a duel.I can see in the distance that there is an Imperial shuttle on a landing pad. A figure in a dark, hooded cloak is getting into it, flanked by his personal guard of stormtroopers and body guards.76 is jolted by what he sees enough to stop what he is doing. "Zenyatta, is that you?"A hovering robot is indeed at the Emperor's side. "Is it really me? Perhaps you should be asking yourself who YOU are. There is disquiet in your soul.""Why are you doing this!?" 76 shouts."My path has converged... with that of the payload. Destiny has drawn me to my objective."The two of them must know each other, because 76 seems heavily distraught. "And you are ok with all of this? With what you are doing?!""I feel neither joy nor remorse amongst such death.""Yo this is wack," the Emperor complains, "Just get on the ship."76 throws his mask to the ground. "It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them!""I have brought balance to the force.""This is really stupid, just shoot them," Shadow suggests. I couldn't agree more. I take advantage of Toadette being distracted to light up the landing pad with my super scope. All of the body guards are taken out, except Zenyatta and the Emperor, who somehow healed."A temporary setback," the robot speaks plainly, "We should go."They board the vehicle, but as it takes off I prepare a charged-up shot from my weapon. Lucky for me, 76 is paying enough attention to block Toadette as she attacks me while my guard is down. "You should pay attention. You won't get to them unless you get past me. And none of your can ever hope to defeat me on even ground.""Then let's make the ground uneven!" Reggie announces with pride. He shoves Regzinger Z's hands underneath the ground and begins lifting almost half of the island little by little. Before I can even process what is happening, I'm flying through the air. It seems Reggie flipped over the entire surface of the island as if it were a cheap table. As if in zero gravity, we are all flying up through the air at thousands of miles per hour, surrounded by chunks of the ground and everything that was on that ground. It looks like it's just me, Toadette, 76, Shadow, and Toad now.My head is spinning and I truthfully can't tell up from down. All of us are in free fall up here, blasting through the sky. I manage to grab hold of a slab of rock enough to hold myself steady and get a chance to observer my surroundings. Shadow has used his mech's hovering features to reorient himself. Toad is nowhere to be seen. 76 and Toadette are standing on steady ground, on two separate chunks of the Earth, with lightsabers drawn and intense glare between one another.Their fight begins in a flash, and I can barely keep up with their movements. The trails of light left by their sabers could give onlookers a headache, and the air in front of me starts to resemble a long light-exposure photograph. Green and red swirl as if together in a blender, and the loud clanks of clashing blades echo in distorted patterns against the floating terrain. I can see how they move, and it is through intense control. Carefully pushing off against any object nearby, be it rocks or discarded metal, the two catapult from place to place with the force of their jumps.76 catches Toadette off guard with the force of one of his strikes, sending her back as if she had been tackled. She regains her balance by grabbing hold of a floating Mr. Potato Head Stormtrooper corpse to spin around it and slingshot herself back into the fight. The two seem locked in a cyclical struggle, spinning around in a small area at high speed as if they're both trapped in the same hamster ball. Their blades are so swift and their strikes are so fierce it's like watching ten sword fights at once.In the middle of their clash, the two of them mutually disengage in order to back up and move out of the way of a particularly large and fast-moving chunk of land as it soars upwards. The rock seems to have two people on it, and one of them has bird wings."Did you plan this, too, JoJo?!""What do you think?! I planned every little detail! I stacked the whole deck!"And with that they are gone, their rock flying so quickly that it's already out of sight. I wonder what the hell that was all about.Toadette moves in for the first attack to resume the fight, dashing straight at 76 for a killing blow. With his super soldier strength, however, he grabs a rock and spins it around to hurl it at her. The boulder explode into chunks against her and stopsher momentum completely. She loses her grip on her lightsaber, and the impact leaves her with such a low amount of forward motion that she's essentially stuck helplessly in midair. "And stay down," 76 grunts with authority."Not yet, 76! It's not over yet!!" she cries aggressively.From nowhere, Toad jumps towards her and grabs her from the air, carrying her with him on his flight. Still holding her, he does a triple back flip and suplexes her head-first into a nearby jeep. We can all tell, she can no longer fight."...T-Toad...?...""It's truly been a roundabout path," Toad sighs wistfully."... My only... regret... is...""'Falling to the Dark Side?'""No.""Oh. Well what then?""... My regret is... showing up in these shitty stories in the first place...""Damn. Harsh," Shadow whispers.She passes out. Toad holds her body in his arms. His body and face are completely covered in blood, and flames consume everything around him. He lifts his head up to the air and screams.Zenyatta begins softly singing something. "♪ I'm nuuucleaaaar~, I'm wiiiiiild~...  I'm breaaaking uuuup insiiiide~... ♪"From out of nowhere, the Imperial shuttle approaches us with an open hatch, and the Emperor uses the force to pull her unconscious body inside of his ship. The engines blaze and the shuttle heads off to escape."Alright, everyone. Gather around me. I'm going to teleport us back to the ground," Shadow commands."That won't be necessary, bruddah," Tito says. Sure enough, he's here with his airship, The Fat Hawaiian. Bill Grey opens the hatches for us to enter the ship and reach safety from our nearly-orbital adventures. As we enter, Wario and Waluigi help us to reorient ourselves, as the sudden presence of steadier gravity is almost sickening after free falling for so long."Our show's not over, yet, team," Tito warns sternly, "Yoshi, we have one last objective. We saved Miyamoto, but we have to stop Emperor Palpatine."It makes sense. Of all the weaponry on board, my Super Scope is the most reliable when it comes to packing a punch from a long range. I climb up the ladder to open the emergency hatch in the ceiling, and I stick my head out from the top of the airship. I look at my target with nervous resolve.
  Through the view of the Super Scope, I can see Emperor Palpatine's escape shuttle has a red bumper sticker on the back of it that says "Make America Great Again." I begin charging a super shot."You know what the Ancient Hawaiians say," Uncle Tito encourages, "'Light that mothuhfuckah up,' bruddah.""Are you sure you're ok with this, Toad?" I ask out of respect to my friend's feelings.He's quiet for a while before answering. "Do it."Palpatine joins our radio channel. "Don't do it.""Do it!""Don't do it!"I do it.The colossal yellow orb of energy flies directly at the Imperial shuttle, ready to make a clean hit."Zenyatta. Do it," Emperor Palpatine instructs."But you said don't do it," Zenyatta contests."I wanted them to not do it.""So you want me to do it?""Do it!!!""Ok, ok."Zenyatta shouts. "INTO THE IRIS."I don't know what he accomplishes, because my shot hits anyway. The shuttle bursts into a large inferno, and all of us watch in silence as the explosive clouds dissipate into the air while the burning wreckage sails down to the ground. "What exactly did he do?" Shadow asks."Poor guy's ult must have been on cooldown," 76 explains with very little remorse.Toad is silent. This is something that he'll have to take a while to get over, I'm sure. But I believe in my little buddy. He can get through this."This is Reggie from Nintendo. Thanks again for saving Miyamoto," I hear over the radio channel."So... is that it?" Wario asks."Yeah," Waluigi confirms.I sure am tired from all of the commotion. I climb into my bed. Luigi tucks me in. "Goodnight, Yoshi.""How did he get in here?" I hear Tito whisper."Good night Mama Luigi. Hehe."Luigi shrugs.
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Category:Original Stories