Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder/Quotes

:Lisa: Hey! There was no accident at the plant. Dad just wanted to go bowling.
:Marge: He shouldn't have deceived me, but I'm just so relieved Lenny's okay.
----
:Lenny: Check out the overhead scoreboard!
:(scoreboard says "poo" and "ass" instead of Lenny and Carl)
:Carl: (laughs) Poo! Uh, Homer. What wacky name do you want?
:Homer: Are "poo" and "ass" taken?
:Carl: Yeah.
:Homer: Damn, could my life get any worse?
----
:Homer: Oh this is the worst day ever.
:Lenny: Hey Homer, what gives?
:Homer: Mr. Burns is making me eat all these drums of toxic waste!
:Carl: Geez, that's rough. There must be 2 to 300 gallons in here.
:Lenny: And even a teaspoon could cause a fatal tumor.
----
:Chief Wiggum: All right, smart guy, where's the fire?
:Homer: Over there.
:Chief Wiggum: Okay, you just bought yourself a 317: Pointing out police stupidity. Or is that a 314? No, no, 314 is a dog, uh, in, no, is that a 315? You're in trouble, pal.
----
:Homer: (very sad) Why won't they come over? I'm so lonely.
----
:Marge: I can't get Maggie to eat. Maybe if you try…
:Homer: Oh, I'm twenty-six hours late for work, no time for Maggie…Ooh, Where's Waldo!!! No, no, this would be a lot easier without all these people. Nope, no (gasps) It's him! No.
:Marge: Homer!
:Homer: Waldo, where are you?
----
:Homer: Lisa honey, do you need any help with your homework?
:Lisa: (sarcastic) Sure! You can help me find three words where "Y" is the vowel.
----
:Homer: Very good Maggie, but you stepped a little bit over the line so I will have to give you a 5. (Maggie looks at Homer in disgust) And that gives you a score of... 295. (Overhead scoreboard shows Homer winning 296-295) 295 isn't bad for a baby.