An Elinor Wonders Why Special: My Bunny Girl: Part 3

(Scene: Mr. Rabbit's office) 
(Mr. Rabbit is typing up a death notice at his desk. Irene Pepperberg enters.) 
Irene Pepperberg: Hi. 
Mr. Rabbit: Oh Hi. what can I do for you? 
Irene Pepperberg: Nothing. I was just wondering what you were doing. 
Mr. Rabbit: Oh. I'm just typing up a funeral notice. you know when someone dies, people want it in the paper. usually it's a service we provide for the family. 
Irene Pepperberg: Oh. right. right. 
(Irene Pepperberg takes the newspaper.) 
Irene Pepperberg:  Theodore Badger Died June 22, 1972. Devoted husband to Nancy Badger. Cherished father of Mikey and Kathy. In lieu of flowers, please send donations to the holy names society. 
Mr. Rabbit: I wrote that. 
Irene Pepperberg: No kidding? 
(Mr. Rabbit gives Irene Pepperberg a matter-of-fact look on his face.) 
Irene Pepperberg:  Oh it's good, "In lieu of." I love that word lieu. 
Mr. Rabbit: I prefer it to "instead", it has more dignity. 
Irene Pepperberg: In lieu... "instead".... No contest. 
Mr. Rabbit: It's no big deal. 
Irene Pepperberg: You have to learn how to take a compliment. 
(Irene Pepperberg turns over the newspaper.) 
Irene Pepperberg: Movies, movies, ahhhh, "Love Story" at the drive in, I cried my eyes out, did you see it? 
Mr. Rabbit: I haven't been to the movies in ages.  
Irene Pepperberg: I love going to movies, especially at the drive in. I don't think there's anything more romantic than going to the drive in. 
(Mr. Rabbit turns around and starts to go back to work.) 
Irene Pepperberg: I'll let you get back to work. 
(Irene Pepperberg stands up and starts to leave with a failure look on her face.) 
Mr. Rabbit: I do enjoy playing bingo, if you'd like to join me for a game tomorrow night at church you're welcome to. 
(Irene Pepperberg stops and thinks.) 
Irene Pepperberg: Okay. 
(Irene Pepperberg leaves looking happy. Mr. Rabbit resumes typing) 
(Scene: Foyer) 
(Elinor is running down the hall. She comes to the bathroom where Irene Pepperberg is putting on makeup.) 
Irene Pepperberg: Hi, Elinor. 
(Elinor stops running around. and she stands in the door of the washroom.) 
Elinor: Are you going out somewhere? 
Irene Pepperberg: No. Elinor. 
Elinor: so how come you're putting lipstick on? 
Irene Pepperberg: A girl's always gotta look her best. 
Elinor: I think lipstick looks fake. No one's lips are that color. 
Irene Pepperberg: Have you ever tried any? 
Elinor: No. 
Irene Pepperberg: Come here, sit down. 
(Elinor walks in. and she sits on the closed toilet.and Irene Pepperberg pulls a stool over. and she sits down in front of Elinor.) 
Irene Pepperberg: Go like this. 
(Elinor opens her mouth.) 
Irene Pepperberg: Little less. 
(Irene Pepperberg puts red lipstick on Elinor.) 
Irene Pepperberg: Alright. Now, first we blot. 
(Irene Pepperberg gives Elinor toilet paper. and she blotts on it.) 
Irene Pepperberg: Take a look. I think it looks real nice on you. 
(Irene Pepperberg gives Elinor a mirror. and she looks in it.) 
Elinor: Irene. do you think I'm pretty?
Irene Pepperberg: Yes, Elinor. I think you're very pretty. You've got these great big sparkling eyes, the cutest little nose, an amazing mouth. 
Elinor: The boys at school don't think I am. 
Irene Pepperberg: They'll come around. Close your eyes. 
(Elinor closes her eyes tight.) 
Irene Pepperberg: I wanna bring out the gorgeous color in them. The first rule in applying eye makeup, is you can never wear enough blue eyeshadow.
(Irene Pepperberg begins to put blue eyeshadow on Elinor.) 
Elinor: Do you like putting makeup on people? 
Irene Pepperberg: Uh huh. I've been trying to get out to Hollywood for years to do makeup for all the stars. I haven't gotten there yet. 
(Irene Pepperberg finishes her work.) 
Irene Pepperberg: Alright, open your eyes. 
(Elinor opens her eyes. and she looks in the washroom mirror.) 
Elinor: Irene, I would definitely hold off on that Bubblewood thing. 
(Scene: Front of house) 
(Elinor closes the front door. and she does a groovy walk to the steps where Ari's waiting. She lies on one of the steps. and she looks right at him.) 
Ari: Your lip bleeding? 
(Elinor sits up.) 
Elinor: No. 
Ari: What's wrong with your eyes? 
Elinor: A girl can never wear enough eye shadow. 
Ari: Where's your bike? 
Elinor: Oh. in the garage. Walk me over. 
(Elinor and Ari walk into the garage. A big black hearse in parked in there.) 
Elinor: It's only a garage. come on. 
(One of the streamers on Elinor's bike is missing. Elinor notices this.) 
Elinor: Hey, one of my streamers is gone! It probably fell off in here. 
(They both search the floor and Ari notices a model of a head and walks over to it.) 
Ari: Hey. look at this! 
Elinor: That was my Bibi's. It's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. Come here, I'll diagnose your head. 
Ari: No. I don't wanna.
Elinor: Come on, it's fun. 
(Elinor examines Ari's head and compares it to the chart.) 
Elinor: Hmmmm, interesting. 
Ari: What? 
Elinor: You have no personality. 
Ari: Hey, where does it say that? 
Elinor: Never mind. 
(Ari finds a small box. and he opens it to find a photo.) 
Ari: Is that your dad? 
Elinor: Yes.  
Ari: Who's that with your dad? 
Elinor: It's my mother. 
Ari: Do you remember her?
Elinor: No. my Bibi said she's in heaven. 
Ari: What do you think it's like? 
Elinor: What? 
Ari: Heaven. 
Elinor: I think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last. 
Ari: But what if you're afraid to ride horses? 
Elinor: It doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud. 
Ari: That doesn't sound so bad, come on, we'll never find that streamer. 
(They start to leave. Elinor goes back. and she gets the photo. and she walks out with Ari.) 
(Scene: Mr. Rabbit's Bedroom) 
(Mr. Rabbit is dressing up and getting ready to go out with Irene Pepperberg. Baba walks in.) 
Baba: Well, well, well. what's going on in here? 
Mr. Rabbit: Nothing. I'm dressing. 
Baba: Oh. you're dressing. uh huh. Ethan, Ethan, Ethan, Ethan. don't you know it's not nice to lie to your father? 
(Baba gives Mr. Rabbit a noogie.) 
Mr. Rabbit: Hey! Watch the hair! This shirt gives! Alright! 
(Baba stops.) 
Mr. Rabbit: I'm going out with Irene. 
Baba: Oh yes. oh that's great. 
Mr. Rabbit: I'm very nervous. 
Baba: Why? 
Mr. Rabbit: The last date I had was twenty years ago. 
Baba: That's true. Harry, Harry sit down.  
(They both sit on the bed.) 
Baba: Let me fill you in on today's women, since the last time you dated, something happened, "The Sexual Revolution", now before that, you used to have to hold a door open for a woman, pull her chair out, pick up the check, no more no more, you wanna know what else is missing? Bras! 
Mr. Rabbit: Oh come on. 
Baba: Ethan, I'm serious. trust me, Ethan. this woman's lifting us in, you gotta treat her like every Tom, Dick and Ethan. 
Mr. Rabbit: Are you sure about all this? 
Baba: Did you not tell Elinor I'm a womanizer? huh? 
Mr. Rabbit: Oh. I'm running late. Irene'll be here any minute. 
Baba: Oh. she's picking you up. good. you're on the right track. 
Mr. Rabbit: No. she's just driving over here. then we're taking my car. How do I look? 
Baba: Like a Rabbit. Go get 'em. 
(Mr. Rabbit leaves the room. and he goes down the stair steps. He passes Elinor. who's going up the stair steps.) 
Mr. Rabbit: Goodnight, Elinor. 
Elinor: Dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo? 
Mr. Rabbit: Ah. I just wanna look nice. 
Elinor: You never cared before. 
Mr. Rabbit: Well. Irene's coming over. we're going together. 
Elinor: Why? 
Mr. Rabbit: She likes to play bingo. 
Elinor: Can I go too? 
Mr. Rabbit: Nah. I think you'd better stay here and keep your Bibi company. 
(Mr. Rabbit leaves. and Elinor sits on the stairs thinking and then goes outside.) 
(Scene: Outside at night) 
(Elinor creeps along in the dark. She arrives at Ari's house where he's watching television with his parents. Elinor goes to the window. and Ari notices. Elinor gestures Ari to go outside. Ari goes outside.) 
Ari: Elinor? Elinor? Where are you? 
(Elinor pops up from her hiding place.) 
Elinor: Here! 
(Ari's startled.) 
Ari: Don't do that! 
Elinor: Sorry. 
Ari: What do you want? My mom will skin me alive if she finds I'm out here. 
Elinor: Let's go to the church. they're playing bingo tonight. 
Ari: I told you I'll get in trouble. 
Elinor: Pacifist! 
Ari: I am not! 
Elinor: Bed wetter! 
Ari: I stopped that!  
(They both leave the house.) 
(Scene: Church) 
(Mr. Rabbit and Irene Pepperberg are at bingo.)
Mr. Rabbit: Don't worry, there's a strategy to bingo. For instance, on a given night anybody can win, but I play the odds, when choosing bingo cards, I use a range of theories from the laws of probability to avoiding duplicate number systems. This way you get much more activity. 
Irene Pepperberg (is hopeful): Does it make it easier to win? 
Mr. Rabbit: No, just more activity. 
(Mr. Rabbit sits in a seat. and he leaves Irene Pepperberg to get a seat.) 
Mr. Rabbit (to the gator next to him): Hi, Charles. 
(Scene: Outside of church at night) 
(Elinor and Ari walk to the church.) 
Ari: They're not gonna let us in, Elinor. we're kids. 
Elinor: We're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch. 
Ari: Watch bingo? I don't even like to play bingo. 
Elinor: Duck! 
(Elinor and Ari duck behind a counter.) 
Irene Pepperberg (in distance as a number is announced): Oh great! 
Ari: Hey. there's your dad and Irene. 
Elinor: Ssshhhhh, I don't want them to see me. 
Irene Pepperberg (in distance as another number is announced): Aarrggh. 
(Close up to Mr. Rabbit and Irene Pepperberg. Irene Pepperberg looks around at all of the bingo players.) 
Irene Pepperberg: I just had a terrible thought, Ethan. 
Mr. Rabbit: What's that? 
Irene Pepperberg: I'm gonna be putting makeup on some of them very soon. 
Mr. Rabbit: Why do you think these seats were empty? 
(Back to Elinor and Ari who are still watching.) 
Ari: Can we go yet? 
Elinor: Go? 
Ari: You know I'm not allowed outside by myself after dark. 
(Back to Mr. Rabbit and Irene Pepperberg who are still playing.) 
Irene Pepperberg: Oh. I'm just not lucky, Ethan. 
Mr. Rabbit: Look, it's not always luck, I mean, depending upon the placement of the numbers, a guy with 10 cards could win just as easily as a guy with 100. 
Irene Pepperberg: Kinda like men. 
Mr. Rabbit: Oh, how do you mean? 
Irene Pepperberg: You can be in a room with a hundred men. and not like any of them. or you can be in a room with just one man. and he's exactly the one you want. 
(Mr. Rabbit and Irene Pepperberg smile at one another. and they're about to kiss. Elinor sees this. and she's not amused.) 
Elinor (in a false-like voice): Bingo! 
(Elinor ducks behind the counter. and Mr. Rabbit and Irene Pepperberg move up a bit.)
(Elinor and Ari look right at one another worried and nervous.) 
Announcer Dog: We have a winner. Will the winner please raise their hand? 
Charles: There was no bingo. it came from outside. 
Sherman: How could someone outside get a bingo? 
Charles: Someone outside didn't get a bingo. someone outside yelled bingo, you moron! 
Sherman: Who are you cawwing a mowon? (He has false teeth.) 
Sherman's Wife: Put a lid on it Vernon! 
Sherman: Put a wid on it? If you wewen't two hundwed yeaws owd, I'd kick youw wwinkwed awse! 
(The two elderly men stand up and fight. Mr. Rabbit tries to break it up. Irene Pepperberg finds this all amusing to her.) 
Mr. Rabbit: Hey. fellers, fellers. it's just a bingo game. 
(Cuts back to Elinor and Ari.) 
Elinor: We can go now. 
(Elinor and Ari run down the street away from the church building.) 
Category:My Bunny Girl series