Notice board (Cunny of the Goose)

This notice board is located at Cunny of the Goose and gives access to the contract quest, Lord of the Wood.
== Postings ==
=== Contract: Devil in the Woods ===
=== Warning ===
=== Message To Our Dear Customers ===
:Dear Customers,
:War's governed by harsh laws. For almost two decades I've imported the finest Nilfgaardian wares to the North and sold them to you at fantastic prices, prices so low, and this I swear, sometimes I made no profit at all. Sadly, renewed conflict between our nations had made the continuation of this trade impossible. I won't be coming this year for the Belleteyn fair - so you shan't have any Angren lace, Nazairi velvet or that world-famous Ebbing lemon I know you all are so fond of. Forgive me, good people - and drink to my health.
:–Declan Leuvaarden
=== Handyman At Your Service ===
:Roof leaking? Doors won't shut? Table all wobbly? Whatever gets your goat around the house, for a modest fee I'll fix it up, and regale you with humorous anecdotes while I'm at it.
:Hubrech Vaar, Handyman
=== Ode ===
:To podgy Bertha's dandy suitors,To runty ore-hands from Mount Carbon,To Brugge's swarthy smiths and coopers,And Novigraders with dead hard-ons,To Treto's slimy pimps and boozers,With perfumed trains of painted tarts,To Cleavers clowns and red-nosed bruisers:Kiss my hairy arse, you losers.
:To weak-eyed slaves of elven riddles,To Oxenfurt dons and tome perusers,Slurping seas of Ithlinne's drivelTo fart down throats of other musers:Kiss my hairy arse, you losers.
:And to those ploughing human racists,Sodden turds from Northern sewers,You runny squirts in Hunters' braces,Smearing witches with manures:Kiss my hairy arse, you losers.
=== Butcher Seeks Apprentice ===
:I'm looking for a man who's not afraid to get elbows-deep in blood and guts, with strong arms and a level head. Work's simple - we kill the animals, skin them and then cut them into smaller chunks. Pay's meager, but you get to take as much offal and blood pudding home as you like.
:Lutto Sit
=== Dwarf Seeking Female Companionship ===
:Listen ladies, I'm gonna be honest with ye. I'm short. The few teeth I still got are yellow, and the bit of hair I've left is shedding fast. I can't dance, ain't much good with words and the curse of riches don't afflict me. Atimes, I admit, I'll burp after a hearty supper. Yet note that they call me Thorin Steelpike, and, not to toot me own horn, but the name fits me and me capacities perfectly. Any ladies interested can send their visiting card. I'll show up posthaste, perfumed and with a box of Novigrad's finest chocolates in hand.
=== Saddle Cream ===
:Travel much? Spend weeks at a time in the saddle? Arse as red as a beetroot? Then ask your local innkeep for Polk's saddle cream! Concocted using tried and true recipes, never fails!
:–Kevin Polk
=== Orchard Hands Wanted ===
:Wanted: willing hands for orchard work. Mulching, watering, pruning, that sort of thing. Pay by the hour.–Olbracht
:P.S. Dwarves and halflings need not apply, for even on a ladder they cannot reach the highest branches, and every other one of them's a drunk who whinges enough for tree full sized men.
=== Henke's A Cheat! ===
:Take heed and read carefully what I've got to tell you. The man Henke, known as "Flush," who likes to sit in this inn and invite travelers to join him at his table for games of chance, plays with weighted dice and marked cards, bets shaved coins and in general is a low-down, no-good cheat, scoundrel and son of a bitch. Consider yourselves warned!
:–A chastened victim
=== Dance Your Worries Away! ===
:Come to the "Cunny of the Goose" for an evening of dance! We'll have fiddlers and pipers playing waltzes, jigs, bops, boleros and Redanian struts! So be you blithe and bonny, and come enjoy some hey, nonny, nonny!
Category:The Witcher 3 notice boards