The Lesbian Bar Next Door

The Lesbian Bar Next Door is an episode of Mr. Rrarrg. In this episode, the gang disguise themselves to get into a bar for lesbians.
=== Characters ===
• Patrick
• Grr
• Grugg
• Babba
• Rrarrg
• Wig Store Person (debut)
• Lesbians (debut)
• Mr Krabs
• Guy at the Counter (debut)
• Commercial Guy (debut)
• Disclaimer Guy (debut)
• Spinning Building (debut)
== Transcript ==
(shot of gang on the couch)
Patrick: Man, we're always on the couch but we hardly do anything different other than watch TV and eat chips.
Rrarrg: (eating chips) rrrarrg? (Huh?)
Patrick: I mean look at us!
(shot of the gang looking like discord mods)
Patrick: we're a mess!
Babba: babbabababa (well maybe this commercial break will give us something interesting)
Commercial Guy: hello, are you lesbian? Then i'd like to say you're invited to the lesbian bar next door!
(building in the commercial spins)
Commercial: right next door from the krusty krab! So if you're lesbian and looking to get drunk for a low price, GO TO THE LESBIAN BAR NEXT DOOR NOW!
Disclaimer guy: thelesbianbarnextdoorarenotresponsibleforanyinjuriesordeathsthathappenwithinoraroundthepremisesofthebar pleasecontact999-9999foraguideonhowtobesafeinthebar
(the tv shuts off by itself)
Grr: grgrgrgrgrgrgrgrg (that's the second time it did that)
Patrick: I don't know about you, but I'm feeling this kind of stuff. I wanna go there!
Babba: bababababababababb? (but none of us are lesbians)
Patrick: I was friends with a lesbian once, who cares?!
Rrarrg: rarrarararg! (but there's women!)
Patrick: Oh stop whining, we're gonna go there and it's gonna be great.
Grr: gr.. grgrgrgrggr (eh.. i'm not interested)
Patrick: Do you wanna get drunk?
Grr: grgrgrgr (now i'm interested)
Patrick: And what about you two?
Babba: baba (sure)
Grugg: grg (ok)
Grr: grgrgrgrgrgrggrr? (if we’re not lesbians though, how the hell are we gonna be allowed in?!)
Patrick: Oh right. We're gonna need a disguise!
(patrick puts on a female hair wig and some lipstick)
Patrick: How do I look?
(shot of patrick)
Babba: bababab (oh hello)
Grr: grrrgrrrrgrrrrr (you’re looking hotter than rouge the bat!)
Babba: babababababababab (since when did you get attracted to a bat)
Grr: GRRRGGRRRRGRRRR! (DON’T JUDGE ME!)
Rrarrg: rraaarrg. (well uh, I guess it works)
Patrick: Great! Now for the rest of you.
(babba puts on a wig but its too small)
Babba: babab (dammit)
Patrick: Looks like we need to go to the wig store again.
Grr: grrr? (again?)
Patrick: Where do you think I got this wig?
Grr: gr. (oh.)
(transition to next scene; they are approaching the wig store)
Patrick: Here it is! Wig world! Wigs for all sizes and genders.
(they enter the wig store)
Wig store person: Hello and welcome to Wig World, where we have wigs for all sizes and genders!
Patrick: Told ya.
Wig store person: What would you guys like?
Patrick: Do you have any wigs for my friends?
(The barnacle creatures struggle to fit through the door, but manage to get in)
Wig store person: I- Um… I’m not sure.
Patrick: Did you not say you had wigs for all sizes and genders?
Wig store person: Well-
Patrick: Perfect! Then you can get my friends some wigs!
Wig store person: hmm, let me check in the back.  
(wig store person goes to the back of the store then returns with a few giant wigs)
Wig store person: does this fit your needs?
Babba: babababababab? (do you have any female wigs?)
Wig store person: oh yes, of course.
(wig store person goes to the back of the store again and comes out with a few giant female wigs)
(babba tries one of them on and it fits)
Babba: bababababababab! (this guy really does have wigs for all sizes!)
Grr: gr! gr! grgrgrg! (oh! oh! let me try!)
(grr tries on one of those wigs and it fits)
Grr: grgrgrgrg? (how do I look?)
Wig store person: fantastic! That'll be $85.
Patrick: 85 dollars?! That's a steal!
(patrick gives the guy the money)
Wig store person: Thank you for your patronage. By the way if you don’t mind me asking, why do you need these wigs anyway?
Patrick: Oh we’re pretending to be lesbians to sneak into a lesbian bar.
(The group leaves)
Wig store person: What sad, strange little men. Little do they know I upcharge them compared to the store right next to us.
(cut to a shot of Wigs and Stuff, which is right next to Wig World)
(cut to the gang back in the cave)
Patrick: alright, so now we need disguises for rrarrg and grugg. Why didn't you two grab a wig?
Grugg: grugrg (i don't know)
Patrick: hmm, well if you're not getting a wig, then..
(patrick takes out a ladder from his pocket and climbs up to grugg's mouth)
(patrick takes out some lipstick and smears it across grugg's face)
Patrick: Just look at you!
(shot of grugg with lipstick all across his face)
Patrick: You look fabulous!
Grugg: grugrggr (i feel funny)
Patrick: oh don't be such a crybaby, believe me you don't want to be one.
Rrarrg: rrararrarg? (what about me?)
Patrick: hmmm… 
(patrick puts some sunglasses on rrarrg but they break)
Patrick: Too small huh.
Babba: bababab (here have mine)
Patrick: oh, thanks.
(patrick takes babba's sunglasses and puts them on rrarrg)
Patrick: There we go! Now we can go to the bar!
Grugg: grugrg, grugrgrgrgug. Grugrggrgrug! (but wait, there's only five of us. They'll think we're impostors!)
Patrick: oh, you're right… Well I guess someone has to stay here.
(everyone looks at grr)
Grr: gr? (what?)
(cut to the gang except grr walking to the bar)
Patrick: Just look at all the… ‘’other’’ women we’ll meet here. It’ll be a treat!
(cut to mr krabs in his office)
Mr Krabs: do do do… counting me money for the millionth time… You know I'm starting to feel like this money counting thing is becoming old. Huh?
(mr krabs looks out the window and notices the 4 going to the bar)
Mr Krabs: Patrick and those barnacle heads? Crossdressing? Something's fishy in here, and not just because we live underwater!
(mr krabs goes outside and follows the 4)
Mr Krabs: hey! Wait!
Patrick: Huh? Oh shit it's Mr Krabs! Everyone try to act natural!
(Babba lies down and pretends to be a plant)
Mr Krabs: Just where do you think you're going?
Patrick: oh, we're going to the bar next door!
Mr Krabs: …the lesbian bar next door?
(pause)
Patrick: …yes
Mr Krabs: i… didn’t take you for a lesbian, patrick
Patrick: Oh… (coughs and starts talking in a high-pitched voice) I’m not Patrick, I’m… uh… Barbara.
Mr Krabs: Barbara?
Patrick: yes
Babba: bab (yes)
Mr Krabs: Well… Barbara, you all can't go in there looking like this!
(shot of the four)
Mr Krabs: you have to dress like real lesbians if you want to get in there! are you sure i don’t know you? you look familiar.
Patrick: uh, no, we are not familiar. i’m your humble fem lesbian barbara!
Mr Krabs: the orange one looks familiar too.
Grugg: grugrgrgug (i am not familiar to you)
Mr Krabs: Alright then. But you're gonna have to dress like real lesbians! Just look at me daughter Pearl!
(mr krabs shows them a picture of pearl)
Babba: bababababab? (pearl’s a lesbian?)
Mr. Krabs: Why, of course! She’s been out for years! Dated some guy named Pluto for a week, and has not gone near a penis since. Now look closely, lads.
(mr krabs shows them the picture again)
Patrick: That just looks like regular clothing.
Mr Krabs: Yes it is. But not to regular straight women!
(pan over to a bunch of women walking down the street)
Mr Krabs: You gotta look like ''them''!
Patrick: Them?! I thought women were hers!
Mr Krabs: Do you not know how pronouns work, girl?
Patrick: no?
Mr Krabs: (sighs) you’re not gonna be able to survive in there…
Rrarrg: rrararg?! (what? Sure we can! We’re A level lesbians!)
Mr Krabs: Well then, I wish ye luck on your journey.
Patrick: You too.
(they all look at patrick)
Patrick: what?
Grugg: gruggrururg (let’s just go)
(Cut to the four of them actually entering the bar)
Patrick: Well this is it. We're actually entering the lesbian bar!
Rrarrg: rarrarararg (i hope this isn't illegal)
Patrick: I'm sure it isn't.
Grugg: grgurgrggrgrug? (don't you remember the last time you did something illegal?)
Patrick: hmm…
(wavy flashback transition)
Patrick: just a few-
(explosion)
(flashback end)
Patrick: No, I don't.
Rrarrg: rrarararg! (look at that one, she’s got tits!)
Patrick: Oh yeah, she does.
Babba: babababab (they've all got tits rrarrg)
Grugg: grugrgr, grurggrrgug (not all of them, look at that one.)
(zoom in to a man-looking lesbian)
Patrick: huh. (whispering) must've gone here the same way we did.
(they walk to the bar of the bar)
Babba: babbabababa (man I’m so nervous, what if we get caught?)
Patrick: relax! We won't for sure.
(they walk up to the counter)
Rrarrg: rrar! rrarrarararg (ooh! they have cheese sandwiches here)
Babba: babababbaba (i could go for a cheese sandwich)
Grugg: grugrgrgug? (can i have one too?)
Guy at the counter: hello welcome to the lesbian bar next door, how may i help you?
Patrick: Yeah, we'd like 4 cheese sandwiches please.
(guy at the counter gives them their sandwiches)
(cut to them at a table eating their sandwiches)
Grugg: grugr, grugrgrgrgrgug (man, these sandwiches are great)
Patrick: ok so if anyone asks, we're lesbian friends alright?
Rrrarrg: rrarg, rrar, rrararrarg (yeah, yeah, i got it)
(a couple of lesbian fish approach them)
Patrick: (whispering) act natural!
Babba: baba, bababababa (hello, fellow lesbians)
Lesbian fish #1: We’re all lesbians, dumbass.
Patrick: Oh, right. This is a lesbian bar after all.
Lesbian fish #2: So, what’s your names?
Patrick: My name is, uhh…
(Inside Patrick’s brain, its gears start turning very slowly)
Patrick: Pat..ricia. I mean Barbara! I mean-
Lesbian fish #2: Nice name. And you guys?
Babba: ba… babababa… (uh… my name is)
(patrick shuts babba's mouth)
Patrick: they're my friends… Dee, Liz and… Ooglabrarg
Lesbian fish #1: nice names.
Babba: bab (thanks)
Lesbian fish #2: So, what do you guys do for a living?
Patrick: Uhh… 
(his brain’s gears start up again)
Patrick: Taste tester!
Lesbian fish #2: Yum. What do you taste?
Patrick: Uhh… that’s classified.
Babba: bababab- (we taste test p-)
(rrarrg shuts babba's mouth)
Lesbian fish #1: That’s nice. We’re getting married in a month.
Grugg: grgurgr (awesome)
Lesbian fish #2: Jeez it’s getting hot in here. (she pulls out a fan and starts fanning herself, which causes Grugg’s wig to fall off)
Lesbian fish #1: What the fuck?
Grugg: gruggrgurgrug (sorry i’m bald)
Lesbian fish #1: ok.
Lesbian fish #3: hey wait a minute, they don't look like lesbians at all!
Patrick: uh. That guy doesn't look like a lesbian either!
(pan to the fish patrick thought wasn't lesbian)
Lesbian Fish #4: Everyone says that. But i'm actually a trans lesbian.
Patrick: oh.
Guy at the counter: I thought something was fishy around here.
Lesbian fish #5: get them!
Babba: baba (uh oh)
(the gang run out of the bar while the lesbians chase them)
(cut to outside where mr krabs is walking down the street)
Mr Krabs: ah, it's nice to go outside every once in a while.
(a distant scream is heard)
Mr Krabs: huh?
(mr krabs pulls one of his eyes out and uses it as a telescope to see that the gang is getting chased by the lesbians)
Mr Krabs: what the-
(the gang runs past mr krabs)
Mr Krabs: huh. (turns around) AAAA-
(mr krabs gets trampled by the lesbians)
(the gang gets chased into the sunset)
(transition to next scene; they're back in the mountains)
Patrick: well, we might have been caught being fake lesbians, but at least we got to know what it's like at the bar.
Babba: babababa (hey wait a minute)
Patrick: hm?
Babba: babababababa! (that was just a regular bar but for lesbians only!)
Grugg: grugrugg (no shit sherlock)
Patrick: well now that we've been caught i guess i don't need this stuff anymore
(patrick takes all his clothes off and the monsters stare in shock)
Patrick: what? if you got it, you gotta flaunt it.
Grugg: grugrurgrug (let’s never speak of this ever again)
(episode ends)
== Trivia ==
• This is the last episode of the premiere week.
• This episode was released after episode 3.
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