Transcript:Life in a Corner, Part 2

EPISODE TWO:
 Ext Briarhelm Farm - Early Afternoon
 NARRATOR
 It was now early afternoon, and our party found
 themselves in the fields of the Briarhelm farm. For the
 first time in quite a while, nobody present was
 actively attempting to slaughter our heroes. As such,
 the group took the opportunity to "relax" in the cool
 afternoon sunlight. Billy and Jen walked away from the
 group, to engage in more private conersation.
 JEN
 I’m sorry I was bitchy to you before.
 BILLY
 It’s alright. But I’m the only one who’s always got
 your back, so just watch your temper, you know?
 JEN
 I know, I know. I’ll make it up to you later?
 NARRATOR
 Jen leaned in to kiss Billy, but just as their private
 conversation was about to become a good deal more
 private and less conversational, Nelson ran to catch up
 with them.
 NELSON
 Hey, guys, so I’m starting to think--
 BILLY
 --Nelson shut the FUCK UP, I’m talking to my girl!
 NARRATOR
 Jen quickly took a step away from Billy, using the
 excuse of looking through her handbag. She found a
 device known as an "iPhone."
 BILLY
 Oh no shit, honey, your phone still works?
 JEN
 It’s still got a charge, but I can’t get any kinda
 signal.
 NELSON
 So Apple Maps will be pretty useless here, huh?
 JEN Yeah.
 NELSON
 At least that’s one thing that’s like home.
 Int. Arlene’s Bedchambers - Simultaneous
 NARRATOR
 Meanwhile, back at Castle Guernatal, Arlene Redmoor was
 preparing for a formal evening of court functions. As
 was common for the highborn of Iorden, this preparation
 was accomplished with the assistance of her handmaiden,
 Gwen.
 Ardel Redmoor burst into the room, without warning or
 regard for his sister’s state of relative undress. By
 this point in our story, it probably does not surprise
 you that Ardel wasted no breath on greetings or
 pleasantries with his dear sister.
 ARDEL
 Read this story to your wench.
 (TO GWEN)
 You. You are to memorize this story as though it were
 your own dream.
 (TO ARLENE)
 Tonight, the two of you will wake the Bishop, and she
 will recount the dream to him.
 ARLENE
 Brother, she’s not trained as a thespian.
 ARDEL
 I’m sure sure she can manage one story. You’d be
 very well-advised to see that see does.
 NARRATOR
 And without another word, Ardel turned and left the
 room, leaving the two women to ponder on the oddity of
 this request.
 Ext. Briarhelm Farm - Afternoon 
 NARRATOR
 Back at the farm, the party had its first opportunity
 to take in the beauty of the Iordic autumn.
 Unfortunately, they were interrupted by Brennen. He
 returned from the house with a large heavy bundle,
 which he dropped on the ground at Jen and Billy’s feet.
 The bundle made a rather telling clank as it hit the
 NARRATOR (cont’d)
 ground. The children anticipated what was coming, Billy
 and Jen with dismay, Nelson with unabashed excitement.
 BRENNEN
 Everyone listen. We need to stay here a few days, and I
 want to take the chance to teach you young ones the
 basics of armed combat, in case you need to defend
 yourselves.
 JEN
 You know, if we just looked for a way to get us home,
 no one would have to teach us anything.
 NELSON
 Are those real swords?
 BRENNEN
 They’re blunted. But before you start swinging them at
 each other, let’s have a demonstration of experienced
 fighters. Kalth’yr?
 YLLOWYYN
 Gladly.
 BRENNEN
 Regan?
 REGAN Huh?
 BRENNEN
 Would you like to spar with Yllowyyn?
 BILLY GIGGLES.
 BILLY
 My mom says it’ll make you blind.
 REGAN Spar?
 BRENNEN
 A pretend fight.
 REGAN Is there any actual thing in it for me?
 BRENNEN
 May I have a word? In private?
 REGAN
 Not to be a stickler for tradition, but shouldn’t you
 be calling me ’Your Highness?’
 BRENNEN
 Would you please excuse us for a moment, children?
 BILLY
 Hey no more of this "sending us away while the grownups
 talk" shit. Say what you want.
 BRENNEN
 [SIGHS]
 (TO REGAN)
 If we all had to fight, how do you think our young
 companions would fare?
 REGAN
 I’d say almost as well as some boiled horse shit.
 BILLY
 Hey, fuck that. I--
 JEN (SCARED) --Billy!
 BRENNEN
 (TO THE KIDS)
 I hope you won’t be insulted,
 (TO REGAN)
 but I can’t very much argue.
 NELSON
 No, it’s true. We all need to level-up a bunch.
 BRENNEN
 (TO REGAN)
 My primary mission is to bring you back to claim your
 throne.
 (RE: THE KIDS)
 But I’ve also been ordered to keep them safe, which at
 the moment means keeping them near us. Which means if
 there’s a fight, they’ll be fighting alongside you.
 REGAN
 Is that negotiable?
 BRENNEN
 No. So, it is in your interest to concern yourself with
 their training.
 NARRATOR
 Regan carefully studied the children for a moment. To
 her disgust, she reached the same conclusion as
 Brennen. With a sigh, she reluctantly stood and walked
 to face Yllowyyn.
 REGAN
 Give it your best shot, splinter-pole.
 NARRATOR
 With the arrogance that only an adolescent elf could
 muster, Yllowyyn charged head-on towards the rogue.
 Regan stood, unflinching, almost lazily, in the elf’s
 path. But at the final possible moment, with
 unbelievable quickness, she nimbly stepped aside,
 grabbed Yllowyyn by the shoulder and waist, and used
 his own speed to throw him to the ground. The elf hit
 the ground. Hard.
 BILLY
 Weenie, you just got your ass handed to you by a girl.
 JEN
 (DISHEARTENED)
 You’re rooting for her?
 BILLY
 Don’t tell me you’re rooting for Weenie.
 NARRATOR
 In an instant, Yllowyyn was back on his feet. This
 time, he studied his opponent for a moment before
 charging. His approach appeared identical. Only this
 time, when Regan went for the same grapple, her hands
 grasped empty air. A cat-like dodge allowed Yllowyyn to
 dodge Regan’s grab, and set the rogue off-balance. A
 sharp, open-handed blow the sternum put the thief queen
 of Armstrungard on her back. Yllowyyn turned his back
 to his fallen opponent, a smirk on his face, and
 addressed the children.
 YLLOWYYN
 (TO THE KIDS)
 Now you see, proper training and good breeding will
 always win out in the end. The General and I can
 provide the former. As for the latter--
 NARRATOR
 Yllowyyn’s pontificating was interrupted by his sudden
 reacquaintance with the rocky ground. While he had been
 busy describing his victory, Regan tripped her
 opponent, pinned him to the ground, and unsheathed his
 hunting knife, all in one adept motion. Regan’s right
 NARRATOR (cont’d)
 hand grabbed a handful of Yllowyyns hair, and used it
 to yank his head uncomfortably. Her left hand brought
 the knife to Yllowyyn’s throat. Also uncomfortable.
 REGAN Yield.
 YLLOWYYN
 (QUIETLY) Fine.
 REGAN
 What was that?
 YLLOWYYN
 (FURIOUS) I YIELD!!
 REGAN
 Rule number two for surviving a fight to the death: No
 fucking speeches. If you absolutely must make a speech,
 wait until you’re sure the other guy is done.
 NELSON
 What’s rule number one?
 NARRATOR
 Only now did Regan release her captive elf.
 YLLOWYYN
 Try that again, you silt-sucking--
 BRENNEN
 --Let me.
 NARRATOR
 As mad as Yllowyyn was, one look at Brennen quieted
 him. Brennen stood in front of Regan, and slowly
 stretched his neck left, then right. He cracked his
 knuckles, loudly, and then slowly reached for his
 battle axe.
 REGAN
 Let’s dance, grandpa.
 NELSON
 You never said what rule number one was.
 NARRATOR
 Nelson’s question was ignored as the two combatants
 squared off for the fight. Each stared menacingly at
 the other. Regan shifted her weight from side to side,
 NARRATOR (cont’d)
 as if looking for an opening. Brennen stood still as a
 statue, looking as imposing and immovable as a
 mountain. The children, although they did not realize
 it, had been holding their breath for an interminable
 moment. The tension grew deeper, as neither combatant
 seemed willing to make the first move. Suddenly, Regan
 looked beyond Brennen, off towards the horizon. Her
 fighting stance relaxed, her face showed surprise and
 worry.
 REGAN
 I think the lessons are gonna have to wait.
 SOUND: SCORE SWELLS
 END OF--
 REGAN
 [EXERTIVE GRUNT]
 SOUND: HARD HIT, SCORE CUTS OUT
 BRENNEN
 [PAINED GROAN]
 NARRATOR
 What Regan had seen was an opportunity to kick Brennen,
 as Billy would later go on to describe it, and I quote
 - "square in the nuts." She delivered the kick as soon
 as Brennen had turned his back. Just like the elf
 before him, the big man hit the ground hard and soon
 had Regan’s knife at his throat.
 BRENNEN
 (SQUEAKS) Yield.
 YLLOWYYN
 You cheating mongrel git!
 REGAN
 (TO THE KIDS)
 Rule number one for surviving a fight to the death:
 don’t expect your enemy to follow any rules. He’ll do
 anything to stay alive and so should you.
 NARRATOR
 Her lessons imparted, Regan finally released Brennen.
 He immediately fell to his side and vomited profusely.
 Regan threw down Yllowyyn’s blade and calmly strode
 back towards the barn, leaving the children to reflect
 on the outcome of the bout. In fact, the adults partook
 in some reflection as well.
 NIA
 Fighting without honor leads to a disordered soul.
 BILLY
 I’ll take that over a disordered nutsack.
 NIA
 She may win fights, but she’ll never know peace.
 YLLOWYYN
 Dishonor also sows distrust among allies, and that has
 lost many a battle.
 BRENNEN
 (SHORT BREATHS)
 Having no principles makes it easier to preserve your
 life, but impossible to know if your life is worth
 preserving. We’ll resume training tomorrow.
 NIA
 (QUIETLY, TO BRENNEN)
 I’ll make you some ice.
 GWEN
 (PRE-LAP)
 It was horrible, your Eminence.
 Int. Castle Guernatal Tabernacle - Night
 NARRATOR
 The Tabernacle was a sanctuary within Castle Guernatal
 devoted to the worship of Galadon. The room was
 extravagantly adorned. Sun shone through the large
 stained glass windows, casting concentric circles of
 red and gold onto the floor. These circles overlapped
 with the circles of gold inlaid into the marble floors
 and walls.
 Of all the beautiful rooms in Castle Guernatal, I’m
 told that this one was the favorite of the late Prince
 Uther. Presently, however, it was occupied by Arlene,
 Gwen, and the ancient head priest.
 GWEN
 It was the most beautiful bird I’ve ever seen. But then
 the man with the golden circle on his head, he...he bit
 its poor little head right off.
 ARLENE
 When I remembered General Brennen’s dream...I hope we
 haven’t wasted your time, your Eminence.
 HEAD PRIEST
 Of course not, my child. Now is a time to err on the
 side of caution.
 GWEN
 Does it mean anything, your Eminence?
 HEAD PRIEST
 My child, dream analysis is an art more than a science.
 Your dream could mean any of a million and one things,
 or it could just be a dream. Maid Redmoor was wise to
 bring it to our attention, but you needn’t worry your
 little heart about it any further.
 ARLENE
 Gwen, would you please wait for me outside?
 GWEN
 As you wish, m’lady.
 ARLENE Your Eminence, I understand if you don’t want to worry the serving girl. But is there anything I should be worried about?
 HEAD PRIEST
 No, my child. Have a cup of brandied tea, and try to
 sleep.
 ARLENE
 I don’t mean to presume, or to question your wisdom,
 your Eminence. But if you mean to spare me worry on
 account of my sex, I assure you, it will worry me more
 to not know whether my brother is in any danger.
 NARRATOR
 As if summoned by the speaking of his name, Ardel
 appared at the door to the Tabernacle and strode in.
 ARDEL
 There you are. I awoke in the night with a peculiar
 feeling, and was worried when you weren’t in your
 chambers. Are you well?
 ARLENE
 Yes, brother. My handmaiden had a nightmare and
 insisted upon seeing the Bishop.
 ARDEL
 Yes, I know how superstitious commoners can get.
 ARLENE
 Under the circumstances...
 ARDEL
 Yes, of course. As long as you’re all right.
 HEAD PRIEST
 Lord Redmoor, I wasn’t going to call on you at this
 hour, but as long as you’re awake and here, perhaps I
 could have a word.
 ARDEL
 Of course, your Eminence. Arlene, run off to bed now,
 my dear.
 HEAD PRIEST
 Come, let us walk.
 NARRATOR
 Ardel Redmoor was well aware of the pace of the Head
 Priest’s talking, and of his walking, for that matter.
 He hid his impatience well, however, and took the old
 man’s hand. Meanwhile, Arlene found Gwen waiting in the
 hallway outside the shrine.
 Int. Corridor Outside the Tabernacle - Continuous
 GWEN
 (WHISPERS)
 I’m sorry m’lady. I didn’t know how to warn you.
 ARLENE
 (WHISPERS)
 That’s alright. As far as he knows I was just doing as
 he told.
 GWEN
 (WHISPERS)
 Did the Bishop reveal anything?
 ARLENE
 (WHISPERS)
 No, my brother came in before I could ask him much.
 GWEN
 (WHISPERS)
 First Maid Corelan’s dream, and then this story.
 A BEAT, WHILE ARLENE PONDERS.
 ARLENE
 (WHISPERS)
 Do you know anyone who could discreetly fetch us some
 things from the Royal Library?
 Ext. Briarhelm Barn - Simultaneous
 NARRATOR
 The moon and aurora had risen over the Briarhelm farm.
 Yllowyyn stood guard at the barnyard door, rhythmically
 sharpening his hunting knife.
 Int. Briarhelm Barn, Ground Floor - 
 NARRATOR
 Within the barn lay a neat row of bales of hay, the
 only mattresses available for the barn’s guests. Nia
 slept soundly atop the first bale. Nelson likewise
 slept on the second; his armor and weapons were of
 course neatly folded and arranged by his side. The
 remaining bales, however, were unoccupied.
 Int. Briarhelm Barn, Second Floor - Continuous
 NARRATOR
 There was a ladder up to the second floor of the barn,
 which Jen and Billy had ascended in hopes of finding
 some privacy. As Jen kissed Billy, he in his
 smallclothes and she in her recently purchased armor,
 she became very aware of his well-formed muscles. When
 Billy reached down and unfastened a single strap on
 Jen’s waist, the entire lower part of her attire slid
 free.
 JEN
 [BREATHES HEAVILY]
 REGAN
 Free advice.
 JEN & BILLY
 [STARTLED GASP]
 JEN
 Holy shit!
 BILLY
 What the fuck is your problem?!
 NARRATOR
 Regan emerged from the shadows of the barn and casually
 strode into the dim light, trimming her fingernails
 with her knife.
 REGAN
 If he can fuck you after undoing one strap, you’re not
 wearing armor.
 (TO JEN)
 I got you something.
 NARRATOR
 Regan sheathed her knife, and then kicked a large
 bundle of cloth across the floor towards Jen. Jen
 stared at it suspiciously; Regan nudged it closer to
 Jen and nodded. At this encouragement, Jen opened the
 package to find a suit of heavy leather armor studded
 with steel bands. The armor clearly was designed to
 cover all of a woman’s vital organs, not just the ones
 that teenage boys consider vital.
 REGAN
 The design should keep you mobile, except, you know,
 also actually protect you.
 JEN
 You got me armor?
 REGAN
 Pieced it together best I could. You’ll want an actual
 smith to toughen up those rivets first chance you get,
 but it’ll do you a lot more good than the shit you been
 wearing.
 BILLY
 Hey! She likes the old--
 REGAN
 --I’m talking to her.
 JEN
 Why do you care about my clothes?
 REGAN
 For starters, our fates, unfortunately, seem to be
 intertwined for the time being. So I’d much rather you
 dressed like a fighter than a dead meat sausage in a
 whore casing.
 JEN
 Jesus, are you always this flattering?
 REGAN
 And rule number three for surviving a fight to the
 death: settle your debts before the fight starts.
 People do stupid things when they think you owe them
 something.
 JEN
 Excuse me?
 REGAN
 We’re even now, right?
 JEN
 You said you would, quote, "fucking gut me like
 dinner," and now you give me some clothes and we’re
 supposed to be even?
 REGAN
 I didn’t draw blood.
 JEN
 But you would have!
 REGAN
 I would do what everyone does, which is anything I
 fucking need to to survive.
 JEN
 Well, then...
 REGAN
 I’m sorry, I thought I was talking to a woman, not a
 little girl. My mistake.
 NARRATOR
 Without waiting for a response, Regan turned and
 descended the ladder, leaving the two children alone.
 Jen stood wordlessly for a moment, staring
 uncomprehendingly at the rogue’s gift.
 BILLY
 What a cunt.
 Int. Castle Guernatal Tabernacle - Simultaneous 
 NARRATOR
 Quite some time had passed at Castle Guernatal, meaning
 Ardel’s conversation with the Head Priest had only just
 begun.
 ARDEL
 What do you think this dream means?
 HEAD PRIEST
 Divining the meaning of a dream is not like, say,
 mixing a potion. The purposes of the elements can vary
 depending on the circumstances.
 ARDEL
 You’ve said as much. But surely you consider some
 possible meanings more likely than others.
 NARRATOR
 The head priest suddenly stopped walking and stared off
 into the empty space in front of him for a long moment.
 Ardel waited, slightly concerned that the ancient man
 may have suffered a stroke mid-conversation.
 Eventually, however...
 HEAD PRIEST
 Ah, yes. That did it.
 ARDEL
 Did what, your Eminence?
 HEAD PRIEST
 I find that walks can be very helpful in evacuating the
 bowels. Don’t you?
 ARDEL
 Beg your pardon?
 HEAD PRIEST
 Helpful for evacuating the bowels, I say. Would you be
 so kind as to accompany me to the privy, Lord Redmoor?
 ARDEL
 I would think one of your subordinates--
 HEAD PRIEST
 --No, no. You said yourself - privacy is vital.
 ARDEL
 Well, surely it can wait until--
 HEAD PRIEST
 --No, your sister spoke truth. These are not times for
 taking things lightly.
 Int. Privy in Castle Guernatal - A Few Minutes Later
 HEAD PRIEST
 [STRAINED GROAN]
 NARRATOR
 (SLIGHT OVERLAP HEAD PRIEST)
 Ardel helped the old man reach a privy. For all the
 lethargy of their conversation to this point, the
 priest seemed impatient to discuss Gwen’s dream, and
 refused Ardel’s request to leave him to his privacy.
 You will forgive this particular wood sprite for
 enjoying the repulsion and discomfort evident on
 Ardel’s face as he stood beside the old man and his
 gilded chamber pot.
 HEAD PRIEST
 O! The research I could do if I weren’t always carrying
 out some ritual or another to keep my bowels moving.
 Truly, regular bowel movements are wasted on the young.
 No offense, Lord Redmoor.
 ARLENE
 You were saying, your Eminence, about the dream?
 HEAD PRIEST
 Ah yes. Until I can speak with more certainty, I would
 not alarm anyone with - HHHNNNNNNNHHHHH! - hasty,
 irresponsible prophesying.
 ARDEL
 Your Eminence, the servile classes are prone to three
 things: superstition, gossip, and panic. If one has a
 nightmare, they’ll start to talk soon enough, and then
 we’ll have to prevent a panic. But if I know in advance
 what the rumors are likely to be, we can better prepare
 to maintain control of the situation.
 HEAD PRIEST
 I see your point, Lord Redmoor. I must once again
 stress that this should not be taken as my official
 reading of the young girl’s dream, but if I had to
 essay as to how it might likely be read...it could lead
 some to think that the King is a traitor.
 NARRATOR
 Despite his discomfort, Ardel managed to make a
 passable feint at shock. Inwardly, however, he couldn’t
 be more pleased. 
END OF EPISODE TWO.
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