Muppet Vision 3D: Adventure of Showtime (Transcript)

This is the transcript for Muppet Vision 3D: Adventure of Showtime. a remake of the original Muppet vision 3d to fit in the reboot of the Muppet show starring sesame street and fraggle rock.
(note: the script is a working progress. for now its just the entire original script with some changes. please do not edit)
(Guests enter from pre-show area and take seats. Curtain rises on STATLER and WALDORF, sitting in a box up above the audience.)
STATLER: Hey, Waldorf — what are we gonna see in here anyway?
WALDORF: It’s one of those 3D movies. Put on your glasses, Statler.
STATLER: Yeah.
WALDORF: Hmm.
(THEY both put on their 3D glasses.)
STATLER: Hey, hey — hey, look! Look at the guy in the Goofy mask!
WALDORF: That’s not a mask.
STATLER: Oh. Sorry, lady!
(THEY laugh.)
Announcer: humasn and Muppets, monsters and fraggles, toys and fairy's of all ages. welcome to the Muppet studios in Disney Hollywood studios. please welcome two special friends. one has feathers, the other is grouchy, Big Bird and Oscar The Grouch!
(a secret curtain on stage right opens revealing Big Bird while Oscar on stage left appears out of his trash can)
Big Bird: Hi there everyone and welcome to the Muppet theater!
Oscar: yeah hi ugh. when can they leave already?
Big Bird: Oscar! they're here to watch the movie! don't you remember our jobs and why were here?
Oscar: yeah yeah i know.
Big Bird: now incase your wondering what's going on everybody ill explain. you see here at the Muppet show were testing a new technology called Muppet vision. its a way of doing a 3d movie with live footage. like being recorded in the moment live! isn't that amazing? (pauses for response)
Oscar: i guess but it seems lousy to me.
Big Bird: oh Oscar. I'm honestly not surprised. and you see you've been invited by Kermit the frog himself to be the first to view this new technology experiment! and Oscar and i are here to actually watch the movie with you.
Oscar: that's all?
Big Bird: no Oscar. not only do we watch the film with you. but we are also here to make sure you are able to enjoy the movie and have the best time ever.
Oscar: says you. I'm not going to do that.
Big Bird: but why Oscar?
Oscar: big bird you should know this already. I'm a grouch! grouches do not make sure people have good times!
Big Bird: oh okay Oscar but Kermit says you cant leave until the movie is over. so even if you wont do the job cant you at least stay?
Oscar: alright fine. ill stay.
Big Bird: hooray! but before we begin we have a few things to say.
Oscar: yeah. so listen up people.
Big Bird: Now For the comfort and safety of those around you, we ask that you please refrain from flash photography and video lighting.
Oscar: also there's no eating, drinking, smoking. or talking allowed in the movie.
Big Bird: now your allowed to applause and laugh and react to scenes but please no talking.
Oscar: yeah you might disturb others. personally i like that but unfortunately its not allowed.
Big Bird: also incase of an emergency please know where the emergency exits are and alert a cast member.
Oscar: and the last thing on the list and personally my least favorite thing is have a good time. ugh.
Big Bird: So Put on your 3D glasses as Disney, The Muppets, and Kermit The Frog proudly presents
Both: Jim Henson’s Muppet*Vision 3D!
(Big Bird cheers while Oscar makes a grouchy annoyed sound as the PENGUIN orchestra quacks as they tune their instruments.)
WALDORF: Hey look — an orchestra of penguins!
STATLER: Yeah, probably took the job for the halibut!
(THEY laugh. ORCHESTRA begins overture of “Muppet Show Theme.” Several curtains open on screen. Eventually, final curtain opens to reveal door reading “Kermit the Frog presents Muppet*Vision 3D.” As a chorus starts singing the Muppet show theme song the “3D” part of the sign comes toward the audience and starts dancing to the music. Door opens on GONZO, humming the “Muppet Show Theme.” KERMIT THE FROG enters.)
KERMIT THE FROG: Gonzo? Gonzo?
GONZO: (Turns to KERMIT) What?! (Sees the audience) Oh, (laughs sheepishly.) uh, sorry, boss. (Begins closing the door, but leaves it cracked so he can watch. the chorus also stops singing as Kermit begins to speak)
KERMIT THE FROG: (To audience.) Hi-ho — Kermit the Frog here. And welcome to Muppet*Vision 3D. Now, let me show you around our research center. (Begins walking, and the camera follows him.) See, here in this modern, high-tech facility —
(Door opens with a crash and ironing board falls down. KERMIT screams.)
ZOOT: (Enters.) Hey! Careful!
(Iron lets off steam as KERMIT starts walking again to an area where there's walking Muppet, sesame street, and fraggle rock characters in the background)
KERMIT THE FROG: Uh, here in this modern, high-tech facility, we have perfected “Muppet*Vision 3D” — a new film process, which we’re about to demonstrate to you. Uh, now, working the projector is an old friend of ours — the Swedish Chef. (SWEDISH CHEF can be heard humming from the back of the theatre.) Chef, everything okay?
CHEF (Swedish babble): Hey, der hoppen-hoppen, der machinen is goin’ der fløømy-fløømy.
KERMIT THE FROG: Exactly. And our demonstration includes a little song from Miss Piggy.
(MISS PIGGY opens a door that Mokey, and Wembly fraggle are next to behind KERMIT and peeks head out. A CHICKEN comes flying out, squawking.)
MISS PIGGY: (Clears throat.) Little?!
(The Characters gasp in fear and look at Kermit)
KERMIT THE FROG: Uh, did I say little? I meant to say it’s a huge, show-stopping, major song from Miss Piggy…?
MISS PIGGY: That’s more like it! (Exits back into door. As everyone resumes what they were doing before)
KERMIT THE FROG: Good.
Wembly: Whew. That was a close one.
Mokey: Agreed fraggle brother. Agreed.
Kermit: And we’ve also got a big musical finale from Sam Eagle. (SAM EAGLE opens another door behind KERMIT and peeks his head out.) Sam, what’s it about?
SAM: It’s called “A Salute to All Nations, but Mostly America.” (Exits back into door.)
KERMIT THE FROG: Great. So it’s going to be a swell demonstration — and at no time will we be stooping to any cheap 3D tricks.
FOZZIE: (Enters.) Did you say cheap 3D tricks?
KERMIT THE FROG: Uh…
(FOZZIE blows a noisemaker twice, which comes out toward the audience.)
FOZZIE: Ahh! Oh, and here’s something I wanted to “spring” on you… (Opens a can of worms, which spring out toward the audience.) Ahh!
KERMIT THE FROG: Um…
STATLER: Uh, Waldorf, it’s that dumb bear again!
WALDORF: Yeah. (Yelling to FOZZIE.) Hey, bear — you’re not even funny in 3D!
(THEY laugh.)
FOZZIE: Oh, not you guys! How did you get here?
WALDORF: We entered a contest.
STATLER: Yeah, we lost!
(THEY laugh.)
FOZZIE: Oh, yeah? Well, my new 3D act’s gonna shower you all with humor! (Squeezes flower on HIS chest. It sprays the audience with water.) Ahh! (PENGUINS groan.) Wocka-wocka! Ahh!
STATLER: He’s trying to drown us! What kind of act is that?
WALDORF: An act of mercy!
(THEY laugh. PENGUINS quack.)
KERMIT THE FROG: Uh, listen — better luck next time, Fozzie. Okay? (FOZZIE exits, shaking HIS head. KERMIT starts walking again.) And now, if you’ll come this way, I can show you our secret laboratory. You see, we invited distinguished scientists from all over the world to come and work here. Unfortunately, none of them showed up. (Approaches door with signs reading “Really Top Secret,” “Muppet Vision 3D Research,” “Keep Out,” “Top Secret,” “Keep Out,” “This Means You!” Goes through the door into lab.) So instead, I’d like to introduce you to the guys who invented Muppet*Vision, and they can show you some of their — (A beam of electricity swings across the screen and almost hits KERMIT. HE screams.) Uh, right now, I’d like to turn you over to Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and his assistant, Beaker.
BEAKER: Meep meep!
DR. HONEYDEW: Well, thank you, Mr. Kermit. (To audience.) Welcome to muppet labs where the future is being made today! I'm Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and this is my assistant, Beaker.
BEAKER: Meep meep!
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: and today we are joined by are interns and scientist in training Elmo Monster, and Abby Cadabby.
Elmo: hi there everyone!
Abby: great to see you all.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Today, we are going to take a look at the advancements we’ve been working on for Muppet*Vision. (To BEAKER.) Beaker! Would you turn on the machine?
BEAKER: Meep meep! Meep meep meep. (Pulls ripcord, which doesn’t work. Meeps with frustration. Pulls the cord again, and still nothing. More meeps. Pulls cord a third time and gets sucked into the wheel behind him. Gets spun around several times, yelling.)
DR. HONEYDEW: We at Muppet Labs have been able to grab hold of the future. (BEAKER has finally escaped the wheel behind him.) The wheels of progress turn swiftly here… (BEAKER gets hit on the head by the spinning wheel several times and screams.) as we strike upon ways to bring science safely to you. (Jet of steam erupts in BEAKER’s face.)
Elmo: yeah. safely. oh boy.
Abby: and speaking of safely. that leads us to something i invented for all of our guest for the movie. i call it "the Muppet labs vision 3D protector"!
Elmo: oooooohhhhhhh!
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: incredible miss Abby.
Beaker: meep meep.
Abby: 
Elmo: so what dose it do Abby?
Abby: well i know sometimes the fun and antics we do can be a little unpredictable and might cause damage or someone to get hurt. and i think nobody in our audience wants to get hurt and we don't want our guests to get hurt either so i created as a way to protect them from all our shenanigan's and enjoy the movie. I made it with science, inventing type things, and my magic wand for extra safety sure.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: well done miss abby. it shall be very useful.
(
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Red: oh hi there!
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Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: 
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Red:
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Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: 
Abby: 
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: This user-friendly machine will now generate the first living 3D effect just by flicking a simple switch.
(DR. HONEYDEW indicates to flip the switch. BEAKER does, and sparks fly. WALDO C. GRAPHIC appears from the machine and flies around.)
WALDO C. GRAPHIC:: I’m Waldo — the spirit of 3D! (Transforms into a “3D” as a fanfare plays.)
Elmo: wow!
Abby: cool!
DR. HONEYDEW: Thank you, Beaker.
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: (To audience.) Hi there! Oh, cute outfit! Watch this… (Makes HIS nose come off and run around him in a circle.) Don’t you just hate it when your nose runs? (Laughs.) You know, all these other people think I’m talkin’ to them, but I’m really just talkin’ to you! (Sticks his nose out toward audience. Laughs. Begins flying around the room.) Wheee!
DR. HONEYDEW: Well, I think that will be just about enough of Waldo, Beaker.
Abby: ok Beaker You may deactivate him now.
Beaker: meep meep.
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: What?! What are you — Hey, watch it!
(BEAKER flips the switch again. Sparks fly, but WALDO doesn’t disappear.)
BEAKER: Meep meep meep meep!
DR. HONEYDEW: Oh, dear… He won’t deactivate!
Elmo: uh oh.
Abby: yikes.
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: (Bounces around the audience.) Boing! Boing!
DR. HONEYDEW: Ladies and gentlemen, there’s nothing to worry about — But please keep your heads down!
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: Zonk! Boing! I’m bouncing on people’s heads! Hoo-hoo!
(BEAKER meeps in a panic.)
Elmo: Beaker! Beaker! Quick! Activate the Inflate-o-Matic!
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: The — why don’t you —
(BEAKER pushes on a pump, and WALDO inflates.)
Abby: come on Beaker!
DR. HONEYDEW: Hurry, Beaker! Hurry!
(BEAKER keeps pumping. WALDO gets huge and explodes into several more WALDOs.)
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: Great! Now I can start my own football team! (Laughs, which is echoed by all the other WALDOs.)
DR. HONEYDEW: Beaker! We’ll have to try the Vacuum Muppet!
Elmo and Abby: NO NOT THE VACUUM MUPPET!!!!!! (Beaker meeps along with them)
Bunsen: YES!!!!!! (BEAKER opens a door and giant vacuum hose emerges.) Ladies and gentlemen, for your own safety, please grasp your armrests firmly!
(Screams echo as the vacuum sucks up everything, including the screen. Suddenly, all that is left is a black screen with WALDO still on it.)
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: Hey! I’m free! (Laughs. Whistles.) Taxi! (Transforms into a taxi.) All right! Now I’m gettin’ out of this place! (Tires screech as HE drives in a circle and then exits.)
KERMIT (Offscreen): Uh, this way, folks. (Opens double doors and appears on screen back in the hallway from earlier.) Uh, I’m sorry, but Muppet Labs seems to have been temporarily… sucked up. But — (A flying pie making UFO noises circles his head.) Uh… now what is that?
(FOZZIE enters with a remote control.)
FOZZIE: Hey, Kermit — see, it’s my new remote-controlled banana cream pie! Huh? Huh?
KERMIT THE FROG: Yeah…
FOZZIE: Hey, hey, hey, hey, Kermit — watch this!
KERMIT THE FROG: What? Uh-oh.
(FOZZIE hits a button and the remote control’s antenna droops. Sound of the motor dying. The pie spins in place and hits FOZZIE in the face.)
KERMIT THE FROG: Eeee, Fozzie, that’s terrible.
FOZZIE: (Tastes the pie.) You’re right… Needs more sugar. (Laughs and exits.)
KERMIT THE FROG: Huh… And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the first musical portion of our demonstration, we have Miss Piggy in a wonderful 3D number. (The frame closes in on HIM as it transitions. HE opens it again.) Um, uh, that’s you, penguins.
(Image on screen transitions to garden. PENGUINS quack as they begin to play.)
PENGUINS: Oh! Oh!
WALDORF: Oh, doesn’t that look beautiful?
STATLER
Yeah… Too bad they’re gonna spoil it with a pig.
(THEY laugh and then shush each other.)
MISS PIGGY
La la la la la la.
Sun shining bright above you,
Soft breezes seem to whisper, “I love you.”
(BEAN BUNNY enters behind MISS PIGGY, with a butterfly puppet on a stick. HE hums along to her song.)
MISS PIGGY: Birds singing in the sycamore tree, Dream a little dream of me.
(BEAN has put the butterfly in front of MISS PIGGY. SHE grunts and kicks him aside. HE screams and splashes in the water.)
MISS PIGGY: (Clears throat.) Look in my eyes and kiss me…
(BEAN flies a bee puppet in front of MISS PIGGY and buzzes loudly.)
MISS PIGGY: Just hold me tight, and tell me you miss me…
(PENGUIN VIOLINIST stands up and plays “Flight of the Bumblebee” over the top of MISS PIGGY singing.)
MISS PIGGY: While I’m alone and blue as can be, Dream a little dream of me.
(The last line is growled as MISS PIGGY grabs a fly swatter and uses it to smack the bee puppet.)
BEAN BUNNY: Awww… (He sulks off.)
MISS PIGGY: No troubles, as life bubbles on, dear…
(BEAN reappears, holding a bubble wand. He blows bubbles, which float out into the audience.)
MISS PIGGY: Still craving your kiss. All right, that’s it! (To orchestra.) Knock it off, penguins!
BEAN BUNNY: Aw, but it was going so well!
MISS PIGGY: I will not work with that — that rabbit!
(Music cuts out.)
BEAN BUNNY: But I was just doing 3D! Guess I won’t be needing this. (Holds up a pole attached to a rope.)
MISS PIGGY: (Takes the pole.) What’s that?
BEAN BUNNY: It was for the big waterskiing finale.
MISS PIGGY: What?
(Boat motor revs and MISS PIGGY is pulled offscreen. BEAN chuckles. SAM EAGLE appears behind him.)
SAM EAGLE: Bean Bunny, what are you doing?!
BEAN BUNNY: What do you mean?
SAM EAGLE: You are ruining this film!
BEAN BUNNY: I was just trying to help!
SAM EAGLE: Get out! Get out!
BEAN BUNNY: I didn’t mean anything!
SAM EAGLE: Go away! Go away!!
(Camera follows BEAN BUNNY as he exits through a door in the backdrop. HE is in the black screen. WALDO enters, still as a taxi cab.)
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: Does anybody know the way out of this film? (To BEAN.) Hey, you got a map down there? (Transforms back to his normal self.)
BEAN BUNNY: Well, you can come with me if you’d like. I just got fired, and I’m running away.
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: (Transforms into a bindle.) Terrific! Let’s go!
BEAN BUNNY: Okay.
(GONZO enters.)
GONZO: Hey, Bean, what’s up?
BEAN BUNNY: I’m goin’ away. Forever. (Walks toward the back of the screen.)
GONZo: Oh, great! Could you get me a sandwich? (To audience.) Would any of you people like anything? (BEAN opens a door at the back of the screen and exits.) I mean, since he’s going out, he could — FOREVER?! Bean?! Bean?! Oh, Kermit! Kermit!! (Exits.)
(SWEETUMS enters, playing with a paddle ball and humming to himself. FOZZIE enters.)
FOZZIE: Hey, Sweetums! That’s a great effect!
SWEETUMS: Yeah, hey! (Exits.)
GONZO: (Enters and sees KERMIT entering from the other side.) Hey, Fozzie, Kermit!
KERMIT THE FROG: What is it?
GONZO: Bean Bunny ran away!
(MISS PIGGY enters behind them, sopping wet and wrapped in a towel.)
FOZZIE: Oh, no!
GONZO: Yes!
MISS PIGGY: Good riddance! (Exits, grumbling.)
FOZZIE: Hey, hey, hey — We gotta find him!
GONZO: I know!
KERMIT THE FROG: All right, everybody spread out and look for Bean!
GONZO: I’ll go this way. (Exits.)
(FOZZIE wanders around behind KERMIT, occasionally yelling “Bean!”)
KERMIT THE FROG: (To audience.) Uh, Ladies and gentlemen, we’ll continue the show in just a moment, but in the meantime, if you see a rabbit, holler.
(KERMIT, FOZZIE, and GONZO walk around on screen, looking for BEAN and yelling his name.)
SWEETUMS: Bunny! Oh, Bunny! Where are ya? Bunny! (Enters in front of the stage and walks across the audience.) Bunny!
WALDORF: Hey, what’s all the commotion about?
SWEETUMS: Bunny ran away.
WALDORF: Well you know what that makes him?
STATLER AND WALDORF: Smarter than us! (Laugh.)
SWEETUMS: (To audience.) Hey, anybody seen a bunny?
(BEAN’s ears appear in the box opposite STATLER and WALDORF.)
AUDIENCE MEMBER: I see one!
SWEETUMS: I don’t see a bunny.
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Turn around!
SWEETUMS: Where?
AUDIENCE MEMBER: There!
SWEETUMS: Where?
AUDIENCE MEMBER: Look up there!
SWEETUMS: (Shines his flashlight up toward BEAN.) Aw, nothin’ up there but a bunny. A bunny?! Bean!
BEAN BUNNY: Hi Sweetums.
Elmo: Hey, Kermit! we found Bean! Look!
(KERMIT appears on screen and sees BEAN.)
KERMIT THE FROG: What? (FOZZIE and GONZO enter behind him.) *gasps* Bean! What are you doing out there?
BEAN BUNNY: I’m runnin’ away. Nobody would let me help with the movie.
Everyone (except statler, waldorf, and Oscar): Awwww…
STATLER: This is a very moving moment.
WALDORF: Yeah… I wish they’d move it to Pittsburgh.
Oscar: Agreed.
(Door opens on screen and WALDO enters.)
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: Hey Bean — what are we doing stickin’ around here? Let’s burn rubber! (HIS feet turn into wheels, which burn rubber in place.)
FOZZIE: Who’s that?
BEAN BUNNY: He’s Waldo — my 3D friend. And we’re both leaving the movie.
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: Right!
GONZO: Bu-bu-but Bean — if you leave, you’ll miss all the fireworks!
FOZZIE AND KERMIT: Right, yeah, etc.
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: Fireworks? Whoa!
BEAN BUNNY: Okay, I’ll stay… but I wanna help.
KERMIT THE FROG: Uh… gee, is there anything Bean can do in the final number?
GONZO: Hmm.
FOZZIE: Oh, gosh, maybe — maybe — maybe Bean could set off the fireworks!
GONZO: Oh, that’s cool!
BEAN BUNNY: That sounds great!
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: Yeah, and I’ll stay and help! Hoo hoo hoo! I love fireworks. Hoo hoo hoo hoo! (Pulls out two sparklers and laughs.)
KERMIT THE FROG: Well, okay… Sam! Are you about ready?
(SAM EAGLE pokes his head through door at the back of the screen.)
SAM EAGLE: Yes, it’s a glorious three-hour finale.
KERMIT THE FROG: You got a minute-and-a-half.
(SAM gasps and disappears.)
KERMIT THE FROG: Okay, everybody, get ready!
(everyone scatters to the point where they're not seen anymore to get ready)
KERMIT THE FROG: (To audience.) Ladies and gentlemen, the Muppets proudly present the final demonstration of Muppet*Vision 3D!
(KERMIT exits as we dissolve to three SOLDIERS. Center SOLDIER drums, while others wave flags. More SOLDIERS march in and fill in several lines. SOLDIER BAND plays brass instruments in fanfare. SOLDIERS begin to play a medley of patriotic marches. As Bert, Ernie, Grover, Mokey, Rosita, and Gabrielle appear in the different puppet booths playing different instruments, WALDO appears, dressed as Drum Major. HE bounces on the SOLDIERS and causes the TUBA PLAYER to fall and drop his instrument bell on top of his head.)
TUBA PLAYER: Where am I? Coming through!
(TUBA PLAYER tries to move, but is still stuck inside the tuba. HE crashes into several other FLAG WAVERS. SAM EAGLE appears.)
SAM EAGLE: What are you doing? Get back into place!
(BAND MEMBERS vaguely sing “It’s a Small World” behind the action.)
TUBA PLAYER: Who, me?
(The BAND begins setting off cannons and rifles during the “1812 Overture” section. TUBA PLAYER continues wandering around and running into to people.)
TUBA PLAYER: Where’s the tuba section? Oh boy… (Cannon fire startles him.) Whoa! Is it over yet? (Music transitions to “Stars and Stripes Forever.” HE gets trampled by several people marching.) Can we start again? Sorry!
(BEAN BUNNY appears in his box with the fireworks plunger.)
SAM EAGLE: Bean, the fireworks!
BEAN BUNNY: Rockets away! (Presses the plunger.)
(Fireworks appear on screen. The puppets stop playing the instruments to watch the fireworks as WALDO flies in and looks back at them.)
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: Whoa, hey! Wow! (Turns himself into a rocket and shoots himself off.) Weee!
STATLER: Ooh! Ahh! Oh!
WALDORF: Enjoying the fireworks?
STATLER: No, your chair’s on my foot!
WALDORF: Ooh, sorry…
(MISS PIGGY appears on screen dressed as the Statue of Liberty. We zoom out to see the mayhem being caused at her feet by the rampaging TUBA PLAYER and the rest of the SOLDIERS with the characters in the booth reacting to the chaos's. WALDO appears, still in rocket form.)
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: (Laughs.) Watch this!
(WALDO flies in circles around MISS PIGGY, who screams. WALDO tears HER dress, and the skirt falls down. SHE screams more. WALDO laughs and crashes to the ground caused by a pyrotechnics explosion effect.https://youtu.be/r3bi0eWgF2c?si=7a5518I9tWXVmus2 this sets the orchestra pithttps://youtu.be/bCNVZwnswBM?si=y-3qPma6SWRDNRB9 to be set on fire!https://youtu.be/vixpLQRLehU?si=ugb8KuFDNZayvnz_)
SWEETUMS: Stop the movie! Stop the movie, Chef! (Appears out front with a bucket.) Hey, Chef, can’t ya hear me? Stop the projector!
MISS PIGGY: You’ll hear from my lawyer!
SWEETUMS: I’ll save ya, penguins! (Tries to throw the bucket on them and hits both the penguins orchestra pit and MISS PIGGY putting out the firehttps://youtu.be/rIk0WdRduhw?si=lGGTFHYo4TnD9R8Z. Noise as PENGUINS rise from orchestra pit with a cannon.) Take it easy! Look I’m sorry! Oh, no, wait! Don’t shoot! Duck, everybody, duck! (WALDO turns into a duck and quacks.) No, not you — them! Look out!
(The cannon fireshttps://youtu.be/xzSd7JCGODM?si=HOetA0CHNcYCYqr4 and hits the projector.https://youtu.be/NXD_Hj9EicU?si=6wpJGmPvJz2Fu2sE The movie goes wobbly and cuts to white.)
SWEDISH CHEF: (Swedish babble) Hey der stüpid crazy birdsy!
(As the screen goes all the way white, WALDO appears.)
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: At last, I’m out of this silly film!
(SWEDISH CHEF fires a musket toward WALDO from the back of the house and babbles.)
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: Hey, what are you shootin’ at me for? It was the penguins! (More shots barely miss him and hit the screen.) Hey watch it, will ya?
(SWEDISH CHEF continues to babble. WALDO transforms into a bullseye.)
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: (Taunts.) Na-na-na-na-na-na! You couldn’t hit me with a… (HIS eyes go big and he transforms back into himself as he sees SWEDISH CHEF with a cannon.) cannon?! Hey, everybody! He’s got a cannon!!
(STATLER and WALDORF duck. SWEDISH CHEF babbles and fires. WALDO screams. The screen explodes causing the whole theater to explode with pyrotechnics and confetti (of course special pyro so nobody gets hurt like the previous ones). As the dust starts to settle, SWEETUMS appears in front of the screen.)
SWEETUMS: Wow!!!! Is Everyone okay in here?
(STATLER and WALDORF wave white flags from their box.)
STATLER AND WALDORF: We surrender! We surrender!
(The sound of a fire engine dinging can be heard.)
SWEETUMS: What an explosion!
(The screen now has an enormous hole in it, which looks out the back of the theatre. Other GUESTS look through the hole, confused and worried. KERMIT rides through the hole on the back of a fire engine.)
KERMIT THE FROG: Uh — well, uh, ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to apologize for our slight, uh, technical difficulties. But I do wish to assure you that no one was hurt, and, uh, this theatre suffered only minor damage. So… thank you very much for coming to see this demonstration of Muppet*Vision technology. And enjoy the rest of your stay, and come see us again sometime!
(The fire engine backs up as the curtain falls on the screen. WALDO appears in front of the curtain.)
WALDO C. GRAPHIC: (Laughs and transforms into MICKEY MOUSE.) They’ll never recognize me now! Forward, huh!
(Sound of a vacuum is heard. WALDO transforms back into himself and is sucked back behind the curtain.)
BEAN BUNNY: Huh, what a cute ending! (Curtain closes on his box.)
Big Bird: well that's the movie. what do you think Oscar?
Oscar: well it started out crummy but it was great at the end!
Big Bird: wait really?
Oscar: yeah everything was going wrong! and that's a grouches kind of show!
Big Bird: oh yeah. i should've figured ha ha. well thanks for coming to the show everyone! we hope you enjoyed the show.
Oscar: or not.
Big Bird: and as you plan to leave the theater please let one of our cast members show you. also please put your 3d glasses in the bin outside.
Oscar: yeah. they'll be good for my trash collection.
Big Bird: i don't think that's what happens to the glasses.
Oscar: honestly I don't care.
Big Bird: anyway everyone. we thank you for coming over and enjoy the rest of you day at Disney Hollywood studios. bye bye!
Oscar: now scram!!!
Big Bird: oh Oscar. (Big Bird laughs as his curtain closes and Oscar goes back into his trash can)
STATLER: Well, what do you think?
WALDORF: Do we have time to go to the bathroom before the next show?
STATLER: We can’t, you old fool! We’re bolted to the seats!
(THEY laugh as the curtain closes on their box. End of show.)
== Original transcript ==
https://www.disneyparkscripts.com/muppetvision-3d-disneys-hollywood-studios/
=== References for what original version looks/sounds like ===
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdzhN6K4Jho
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzCSBkAi7xM
== References ==