SpongeThorne-on-Sea

SpongeThorne-on-Sea is the sixth episode of SpongeThorne.
== Transcript ==
(The episode opens with a shot of the Phineas Burial Grounds. Two people leave sobbing. Old Man Jenkins is feeding some clams clam seed. SpongeBob walks through the gates holding a bouquet of flowers.)
SpongeBob: I sure hope this is the right cemetery.
(SpongeBob sees Hoopla, Dave and Temmie looking around the gravestones. Dave looks and sounds a little more offbeat than usual.)
SpongeBob: Aha.
(SpongeBob approaches them.)
Hoopla: Here he is.
Temmie: hOI-
Hoopla: Ssh! It's a cemetery.
Temmie: sowee.
SpongeBob: What did you call me out here for anyway?
Hoopla: Well, you know, graveyards are filled with dead people which can inevitably lead to spirits. Could be good for my studies.
Dave: And uh, heh-heh, we're also trying to find my grave.
Hoopla: Oh, and that. Sorry.
SpongeBob: You don't know where your own grave is?
Dave: It's… complicated.
Hoopla: He's, uh, been feeling a bit down lately. I mean, he was in The Krusty Krab basement for a while and we're not sure where his family is or anything.
(SpongeBob shivers.)
SpongeBob: Sorry, this place is just sorta eerie for me.
Hoopla: I get it.
SpongeBob: I, uh, have family buried here and I brought flowers. (awkward pause) And there's also this guy with a really cool hat, you'll recognise the grave no doubt. Gonna see them all in a minute, if that's alright with you.
Hoopla: Of course, buddy.
Dave: Maybe it's over here.
(The group walks over to a row of graves.)
Hoopla: You don't think being down there for so long could have messed with your head, 'eh Dave?
Dave: Nah, I'm fine.
(Dave begins reading the names.)
Dave: Jon Vitti, Will McRobb, Chris Viscardi, Aidan Lastname-
Temmie: wut dis grave?
(Temmie points to a solitary grave with no decorations.)
Hoopla: "Curt Hemmingway". Eh, don't think this is Dave.
SpongeBob: No, wait! The poor little guy is all alone buried under the Earth. That must be awful.
Hoopla: I guess you're right. Oh well-
(Hoopla walks back towards Dave. Temmie takes a flower from SpongeBob and places it on the grave.)
Temmie: there. now they wont feel lone-
(Smoke starts emitting from the dirt beneath the grave. Temmie jumps into SpongeBob's arms in fear, and he backs away.)
SpongeBob: Whoa!
Dave: What the hell?!
(Dave and Hoopla run towards them.)
Hoopla: I don't have my gear on me, but I'm pretty sure this is a-
(A large spirit rises from the grave.)
Hoopla: Yep, called it. Now watch this lead into a plot device.
(Three citizens watch from an angle in shock and confusion.)
Citizen 1: Now I've seen it all.
Citizen 2: We shouldn't have had those energy drinks.
Citizen 3: Maybe it's just the atmosphere playing tricks on us?
Curt: Agh! Ten thousand years will give ya such a creak in the neck.
SpongeBob: You're ten thousand years old?
Curt: What? No! What year is it - 2020? Nah, I'm not that old… yet.
Temmie: sowee for, uh, awaking you mr. ghost sir.
Curt: It's fine, kid. It's horrible down there anyway.
Hoopla: (sigh) This is a predicament, isn't it?
SpongeBob: What do you mean?
Hoopla: If I'm not mistaken this guy was put to rest and we've just awoken him. Getting him back could be a problem.
Curt: Hey look at that, we've got a smarty on our hands. Give yourself a pat on the back.
Dave: Ah shit.
SpongeBob: Maybe we could try… reasoning?
Hoopla: Uh, Curt, is that your name? We're actually, uh, paranormal investigators and we didn't mean to wake you. Uh, is there anything we could do to like put you back to rest or something? (pause) Please?
(pause)
Curt: Ugh, I guess there's one thing.
SpongeBob: Is it jellyfishing? I'm really good at jellyfishing.
Curt: Well you see I used to be a fisherman back in the day.
SpongeBob: Dang it!
Curt: I was a good one, too. A great one actually. Except, well, for one thing.
Dave: I don't like where this is leading.
Curt: There was this one fish, I guess you could say it was a jewel that all us fishermen wanted.
Hoopla: A fish? What fish?
Curt: A… clam bass!
(Pause. The others don't look impressed.)
Dave: A… clam bass? Really? You couldn't catch a clam bass? They're fucking everywhere!
Curt: Not just any clam bass. The golden clam bass!
(Pause.)
Dave: Uh, yeah, whatever.
SpongeBob: So, if we catch you that clam, you'll go back to rest?
Curt: I guess.
Hoopla: (sigh) Well, you know the rules and so do I. Looks like we're catching a golden clam bass, whatever that is.
Temmie: cant u just suk him up or sometin?
Hoopla: I usually only reserve that for the troublesome supernatural. This guy seems fine.
(Cut to the five of them, and Mr. Sprinkles, standing at the SpongeThorne docks. Temmie is wearing an oversized lifejacket.)
Dave: Do we really have to do this?
Hoopla: Well we can't just let him wander 'round like this.
Dave: Ahem.
Curt: Wow. It feels great to be back near the water! ...underwater. There's water under the water. You can't write this.
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
SpongeBob: Good thing Mr. K let us borrow one of his old boats.
Hoopla: I never thought of him as the sort of guy to do that for free. It's nice.
SpongeBob: Well, it cost me.
(The camera pans out to a bandage over the top left side of SpongeBob's head.)
Dave: Ouch.
Temmie: well, wut r we waitin 4?
Hoopla: Let's-a-go!
(The group climbs onto the boat.)
Dave: Guys, it just struck me. We don't know the first thing about sailing, or clam-fishing… or having common sense.
Curt: Well, good thing I'm here to show you the ropes.
Hoopla: (writing something down on a notepad) Yeah, he'll probably do most of the work.
SpongeBob: I went on a fishing trip once.
Temmie: how'd it go?
SpongeBob: You know that 1975 Spielberg film?
Dave: Ouch again. On second thought we might wanna reconsider-
(Curt starts sailing off.)
Dave: What I was trying to say was that we better try not to worry about dying too much.
SpongeBob: But you're already dead.
Dave: Oh yeah. (sigh) Someone grab me a deckchair or something.
(Dave walks off-screen. Cut to Hoopla falling to Curt as he steers the ship.)
Hoopla: Do you know where you're going?
Curt: Yep. I still remember the coordinates of where he should be and everything. (sigh) It's just like the good ol' days. We don't have anything like this in the underworld.
Hoopla: Un- underworld?
Curt: Oh yeah, it's where we go to rest.
Hoopla: So that's where Dawn and Amber and all the other guys have been hanging. I think Dave mentioned it once.
Curt: Funny, I recognise their names.
Hoopla: You do?
Curt: Yep. (pause) Nah, can't think of where.
Hoopla: It's fine.
Curt: So you're paranormal investiga-
Hoopla: Paranormal Investigators of the Strange and Supernatural, actually. It abbreviates to PISS.
Curt: Is- is that supposed to be funny?
Hoopla: I dunno, it was a friend's idea. Well, I thought they were a friend at the time.
(pause)
Curt: Awkward.
Hoopla: Yeah. Actually, do you mind if I ask you a few quest-
Curt: Ah, this is the spot.
(Curt drops the ship's anchor.)
Curt: Were you saying something?
Hoopla: Nah.
(The two make their way onto the main deck carrying some fishing equipment. Dave is chilling on a deckchair.)
Temmie: dis gonna be fun!
SpongeBob: It's, uh, not fun, it's work Temmie.
Dave: I mean we could relax a bit-
SpongeBob: We stayed at a hotel last episode-
Dave: A haunted hotel. Don't forget the haunted part.
Hoopla: Guys, you're both right. We're not really investigating anything here, there's no rush.
Dave: Yep. A trip by the sea is (he slurps some lemonade) just what the doctor ordered.
(Dave puts down his drink and starts using a tanning reflector.)
SpongeBob: Can ghosts even get a tan?
Dave: Don't ruin my moment.
Curt: Okay, I'm gonna get down to business.
(Curt opens up a case full of bait.)
SpongeBob: Ooh, what's that?
Curt: Clam bait. If we're gonna catch a golden clam bass, we need to optimise our chances.
SpongeBob: You know what you're doing, right?
Curt: Of course I do, it's like riding a bike.
Temmie: tem cant ride a bik.
Curt: Good for you.
(Curt picks a bait and puts it on the end of a fishing rod.)
Curt: Now all we need to do is throw it in.
(Curt vasts the fishing rod into the ocean.)
SpongeBob: What do we do now?
Curt: We wait.
(Pause.)
Temmie: dis is boring.
SpongeBob: Yeah, I'm thinking we might lose our readers.
(Pause.)
SpongeBob: (annoyed) Ugh, when is that golden clam bass gonna show up already?
Curt: (whispering) You need to be patient. It'll come any moment now.
TWO HOURS LATER
Curt: Any moment now.
THREE HOURS LATER
Curt: I'm sure it's gonna come.
FOUR HOURS LATER
Curt: (yawn) You guys still with me?
(Pan over to SpongeBob and Temmie having fallen asleep. It is now night.)
Temmie: (dreaming) bu tem weally wan dog residu
Hoopla: (yawn) You know, I don't think it's coming.
Curt: Nah, it's gonna come out eventually. Hopefully like a gay guy.
(SpongeBob wakes up.)
SpongeBob: Huh? Where am I? Is it time for boating school already? Oh, we're still fishing. Heh.
Curt: Can't imagine it'll be too long now.
Hoopla: Curt, no offense or anything, but are you sure this is the right spot?
Curt: Positive.
Hoopla: I see.
(Cut to Dave browsing Instaclam on the deckchair. Hoopla approaches him.)
Dave: Yes, Steve, you go boi-
(Dave turns the phone off.)
Dave: What? I wasn't looking at any-
Hoopla: Hey Dave, could I borrow that-
Dave: Sure, it's your phone.
(Dave hands Hoopla the phone and he opens up Foogle.)
Dave: You know, I think I've got the hang of how this thing works.
Hoopla: Yeah, yeah.
(Hoopla types in "golden clam bass" and hits the search bar. The screen displays "no results found - did you mean golden compass?)
Hoopla: Huh. That's weird.
(Curt waves at them in the background.)
Hoopla: Hey, Curt?!
Curt: Yeah?
Hoopla: What's that, uh, clam we're after again?
Curt: A golden clam bass. They're native to this area.
Hoopla: (nervous laugh) Yeah, that's funny.
(Hoopla shows Dave the phone screen.)
Dave: YIKES! No resul-
(Hoopla puts his hand over Dave's mouth.)
Dave: (muffled) What?
Hoopla: (whispering) I'm beginning to think this guy's a little cuckoo.
(Hoopla removes his hand.)
Dave: Why?
Hoopla: Uh, I dunno, maybe it's because this clam doesn't fucking exist?!
Dave: So?
Hoopla: So? We're probably wasting valuable investigation time here! There was this abandoned hospital I wanted to check out. He's dodging all my questions and-
(He looks back to check Curt isn't looking.)
Hoopla: (whispering) I'm starting to think he's doing it on purpose.
Dave: But… why would he want to do that?
Hoopla: I dunno, but if there's one thing I've learned from these last six episodes, it's that-
(Dramatic music starts playing.)
Hoopla: Wh- why do I hear boss music?
Curt: Yes! Here she comes!
(Hoopla and Dave rush over to the side of the ship with Curt.)
Dave: What the hell's happeni-
(The ship suddenly starts rising up from the ocean. Temmie wakes up startled.)
Temmie: ugh, cant a tem get her booty sleep-
Dave: My question still stands.
Curt: She's heeeere!
(The camera pans out to reveal the boat being lifted by several large tentacles. Cut to Mr. Krabs and Squidward rowing a small dinghy on the same ocean.)
Squidward: Why are we doing this again?
Mr. Krabs: I have a bad feeling something bad's gonna happen to Ol' Bessy.
(Mr. Krabs turns his head to notice the boat being lifted and stares in shock.)
Squidward: Ugh, if you didn't want them touching your stupid boat then why did you give them i-
Mr. Krabs: Uh, Mr. Squidward?
(Squidward turns his head towards the boat too.)
Squidward: (gulp) Grandpa?
(One of the tentacles reaches for Curt's fishing rod.)
Curt: Yes! Yes!
Hoopla: Run!
(Hoopla, Dave, Temmie, SpongeBob and Mr. Sprinkles run over to the opposite end of the boat. The tentacle grabs the rod, takes off the bait and throws the rod back into the ocean. The creature's face rises up from the ocean.)
SpongeBob: Holy fishpaste! It's the kraken!
(The kraken eats the bait and burps.)
SpongeBob: Wow, someone was hungry.
Hoopla: Curt, this isn't a golden sea bass!
Curt: Oops.
Hoopla: Hey, you summoned the kraken on purpose!
Dave: The bastard!
Curt: Maybe I did, maybe I didn't.
Hoopla: Wait a minute, you're trying to get us, aren't you? Like at the TV studio and the hotel!
Curt: Well, uh, technically… okay fine. Did you not think this whole set-up was a little off to begin with? Look, I didn't want to do this, I'm just following orders!
Dave: Orders?! Hoop, what the hell is he on about?
Curt: Don't act innocent here. You should know what's up.
Dave: Wha- but I-
Hoopla: Dave? What's going on here?
Dave: Hoop, I swear I don't know anything!
Kraken: Kraken hungry!
Dave: Ah shit.
Kraken: Kraken want more!
Hoopla: Pfff… welp-
(The kraken throws the boat up into the air.)
SpongeBob: Everyone, hang on to something!
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
(Everyone clings on to the edge of the boat, which splashes as it lands back on the water.)
Hoopla: Well, it looks like we've got a kraken to deal with.
SpongeBob: I suppose it can't get much worse than this, heh.
(The boat starts slowly sinking.)
SpongeBob: Yep.
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
(We see Mr. Sprinkles and Hoopla's ghost sucker have begun slowly drifting off into the ocean.)
Temmie: (gasp) mista spwinkles!
SpongeBob: I stand corrected. (nervous laugh)
(The camera pans over to Mr. Krabs and Squidward rowing towards the boat.)
Mr. Krabs: Ahoy me moneymakers!
SpongeBob: (gasp) Mr. K! And Squidward!
Squidward: The spin-offs I keep getting dragged into...
Mr. Krabs: There should be some spare pieces of wood downstairs!
Hoopla: What about Mr. Sprinkles and the-
(Hoopla gets knocked overboard by the kraken.)
Temmie: hoopwa!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBoy! Fix the leak! Now!
SpongeBob: But what about Hoopla and Mr. Sprinkles?
Mr. Krabs: Trust me, boy!
Squidward: You can't swim either way.
(pause)
SpongeBob: Okay.
(SpongeBob runs downstairs into the cabin and starts quickly rummaging through several barrels for wood to fix the leak.)
SpongeBob: C'mon, c'mon, c'mo-
(Another tentacle punches a hole through the boat.)
SpongeBob: Not another one!
(The tentacle tries to pull away but is stuck.)
SpongeBob: Aha! SquarePants one, big mean kraken nil.
(Cut back to the main deck.)
Dave: The tentacle seems to be caught up in the boat!
Curt: (sarcastically) Woopee.
(Mr. Krabs manages to pull Mr. Sprinkles out of the water and into the dingy.)
Mr. Krabs: There's a good bo-
(Mr. Sprinkles shakes the water off his fur.)
Mr. Krabs: Ew…
Squidward: I don't get paid for this…
(Hoopla pops out of the water clinging on to his sucker.)
Hoopla: I'm fine! I'm fine!
Mr. Krabs: Get onto the dinghy!
(Hoopla swims over to Mr. Krabs' boat and climbs in.)
Mr. Krabs: Blimey! I've seen a lot of things throughout my sailor days, probably because of the frequently spiked beer, but nothing comparable to this!
Squidward: Hoopla, I know I've doubted you before but-
Hoopla: It's fine.
Squidward: I mean, just look at the size of that thing! What are we gonna do?!
Hoopla: Hmm… I think I might have an idea, but it will cost the boat.
Mr. Krabs: (gulp) Not me boat!
Hoopla: It's the only way.
(pause)
Mr. Krabs: Okay, fine. I'd rather lose me best boat than my best fry cook.
Hoopla: Alright. I just need a way to get back up to the ship.
(Mr. Sprinkles puts his head on the sucker.)
Hoopla: Wha- what is it?
Squidward: He's pointing to your jetpack.
Hoopla: Jetpack? (laughs) This isn't a- hold on.
(Hoopla puts in his ghost sucker and points the nozzle away from him.)
Hoopla: Hope this works.
(Hoopla presses a button and the sucker starts blowing air [and water from the ocean] out, pushing the dinghy back and launching Hoopla into the air.)
Hoopla: HELL YEAH!!!!! THIS IS AWESOME!!!
Mr. Krabs: If you don't mind Mr. Squidward I'm gonna start arranging Bessy's funeral.
Squidward: Go ahead.
(Hoopla lands back on the boat. Dave is trying to fight off a tentacle with a fishing rod.)
Hoopla: Hoopla!
Temmie: ur beck!
Hoopla: Indeed I am! Mr. K has Sprinkles. Curt, do you have any more "clam" bait?
Curt: Uh… of course. Why you asking?
Hoopla: No particular reason.
(The kraken picks up Dave.)
Dave: Uh guys? A little help please?!
(Curt throws Hoopla the case of bait. Hoopla opens it up to check if there is anything in there.)
Hoopla: Bon appetit.
(Hoopla closes it and whistles to signal the kraken.)
Hoopla: Hey, you squid nugget! Dinner is served!
Kraken: Food?
(The kraken drops Dave into the ocean.)
Dave: Gah!
Hoopla: Dave! Get to the dinghy!
Dave: Why?
Hoopla: I know what I'm doing… I think.
(Hoopla runs down into the cabin, which has started to flood considerably more. The kraken follows his direction.)
SpongeBob: Hoop! I keep trying to fix the leaks but they keep coming!
Hoopla: It doesn't matter - it's time to play Twister!
(Another tentacle bursts through the boat, and gets stuck again.)
SpongeBob: What the-
Hoopla: (sigh) We need to tie the tentacles up! For fuck's sake.
(Hoopla grabs the first tentacle and pulls it further in towards the other.)
SpongeBob: Oh! I get it!
(SpongeBob grabs the other tentacle and they tie them both up.)
Hoopla: Once the kraken is weakened we suck him up harder than Belle De-
(Another tentacle comes through. The water starts rising.)
SpongeBob: Uh, oh no. I can't swim!
Hoopla: Get back up on top and into Krab's boat. This one's going boom!
SpongeBob: Wait, WHAT?!
Hoopla: Just go!
(SpongeBob rushes back up onto the deck. Temmie is running around in fear.)
Temmie: tem don wanna dye! tem don wanna dye!
(Curt is rocking himself in the corner. He notices SpongeBob is looking at him and stops.)
Curt: What?
SpongeBob: We gotta get off this boat, like, now!
(SpongeBob calls out to Mr. Krabs.)
SpongeBob: Hey! Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: What is it, me boy?
SpongeBob: Catch!
(SpongeBob jumps off the ship and into the dinghy.)
SpongeBob: Whoa, I made it! I'm not fishpaste! I made it!
(Temmie looks down at the water in fear.)
Dave: Temmie! Jump!
Temmie: tem- tem don no. what if tem don make it?
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
Dave: Do it for Mr. Sprinkles! I believe in you!
(pause)
Temmie: okway…
(Temmie jumps off the boat and into the dinghy.)
Temmie: phew, tem underwhelmed ac2ally.
(Curt follows.)
Dave: Hey! Why are we helping you?
Curt: Uh… the ghost oath?
Dave: There's not a ghost oat-
(Hoopla is seen fighting a tentacle through a hole in the boat. The cabin appears to be entirely flooded. He turns to them in the dinghy and signals for them to sail off.)
SpongeBob: I think he wants us to go!
Temmie: we cant leaf him!
Mr. Krabs: He knows what he's doing…
(Mr. Krabs sails the dinghy into the difference and the ship explodes in the background.)
Mr. Krabs: (sad) No! Ol' Bessy! (he starts crying)
Squidward: (rolls eyes and sighs) You'll get over it.
Dave: Nevermind the damn boat, what about Hoop?
(Hoopla pops out of the water clinging to the sucker again, this time looking exhausted and gasping for breath.)
Temmie: (gasp) he's awive!
Squidward: Well duh.
(The kraken is seen floating around in the ocean unconscious.)
Curt: Hey, it worked!
Dave: Hoop, the kraken!
(Hoopla notices them in the distance.)
Hoopla: Wha-
All: Get the kraken!
Hoopla: Oh, right.
(Hoopla puts on the ghost sucker and aims it at the kraken which is pulled towards it. It's eyes slowly reopen.)
Kraken: What the- noooo!
(Hoopla successfully captures the kraken. They all cheer as Hoopla swims back towards the dinghy.)
Dave: Hoop! You did it!
Hoopla: Well, yeah. I guess I did.
Mr. Krabs: (upset) But at the cost of my gorgeous boat Bessy!
Squidward: Oh please, you can get a new boat out of my paycheck if you really want to! You barely give it to me anyway…
(Curt starts nervously chuckling.)
Curt: Heh-heh, so uh…
Hoopla: I think someone has some explaining to do.
Curt: Well, uh, you see the thing is-
(He notices the sucker's nozzle is still active.)
Curt: Uh, bye Felicia!
(Curt goes into the ghost sucker.)
Hoopla: No! He can't have!
SpongeBob: He- he got away?
Temmie: bu how?
Mr. Krabs: But… why?
Mr. Sprinkles: woof
Hoopla: I- I- I don't know guys.
Squidward: Oh, come on! Can't you just get him back out or something?
Hoopla: It's too risky. He's gone.
(Fade into Hoopla at his house connecting pieces of string between pictures on a corkboard. Dave enters.)
Dave: Hey.
Hoopla: Hi.
Dave: Some crazy shit happened yesterday.
Hoopla: Yep.
Dave: Hoop, what's the matter?
Hoopla: Nothing.
Dave: Come on, something's up. You can tell me. I'm on the team!
Hoopla: (sigh) I'm just worried, you know. These past few episodes it feels like everyone's after us. I'm probably repeating myself, but I think they're connected, Dave. You heard what Curt said.
Dave: I know, I know. I can't help but feel something is happening too. But hey, it's our job to figure this sort of stuff out, right?
Hoopla: Yeah, you're right. But I'm also worried about you too.
Dave: Me? Why would you-
(pause)
Dave: Oh. Look, Hoop, I know what he said but I honestly don't know anything. I swear. You believe me, right?
(pause)
Dave: Right?
(To be continued…)
== Code ==
rustt
== Trivia ==
*The names Dave reads off the tombs at the graveyard are the names of the writers of the 2007 Alvin and the Chipmunks film, and "", referencing the CrazySponge Died meme.
*SpongeBob references the episode Clams, comparing the experience to the film .
*Squidward's line "the spin-offs I keep getting dragged into" was originally going reference the show Cult of Squid, but the addition never made it into the script.
*Hoopla calls the kraken a "squid nugget", a nickname of the YouTuber iBallisticSquid.
*Hoopla gets cut off as he name-drops Belle Delphine (if you don't know who she is then good).
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