News

The News Ticker is a minor feature in Antimatter Dimensions that displays predetermined strings of text (taken from code in newsticker.js) moving from right to left, which can contain memes, jokes or topics about certain aspects of the game. Some news tickers include profanity, which can lead to some expressing discontent about the news ticker. Some news strings can only be shown when certain criteria are met. News can be shown and hidden in the Options tab. While the news ticker does not need to be turned on to enjoy the game, some achievements are dependent on the news ticker itself.
Please do not add your own news tickers here. This page is supposed to show the news tickers that are in the game.
Note that since the Reality update, Cancer has been censored as "Design."
==Normal (doesn't require anything)==
*The cookie is a lie. (reference to the catchphrase "the cake is a lie" from the portal series, and possibly referencing the game Cookie Clicker)
* Antimatter cookies have been confirmed to not exist, whoever claims that, stop. (Cookie Clicker has a building called the "Antimatter Condenser"; It may likely be referencing that. This might be a stretch, though.)
* A the triangular hole in the fabric of reality has caused some letters to no lonnger exist. Those letter are: j, k, q, u, x, z
* Antimatter ghosts do not exist. Just like matter ghosts. They don't have any matter, for that matter.
* Nuclear power plants have been abandoned in favor of antimatter power.
* Antimatter prices have drastically dropped due to newfound abundance.
* In the news today, humans make a antimatter animal sacrifice to the antimatter god.
* Game under construction- all mechanics must wear hardcaps.
* You made one antimatter! Whatever that means.
* Scientists confirm that the colour of antimatter is Blurple
* How does it matter if its antimatter?
* None of this matters
* IN THE END, IT DOESN'T ANTIMATTER -hevipelle (Assumed reference to the song Linkin Park - In The End)
* How does NASA organise a party? They planet.
* next hour in 0.2 updates (reference to the news ticker: "next update in 5 hours")
*Numbers glows bright on the monitor, not a proton to be seen. A kingdom of antimatter, and it looks like I'm the queen. With dimboosts powering up this ever rising tide, can't stop clicking, heaven knows I tried. Do not give up, push for that galaxy buy 10 buy max just mash down on that key sacrifice dim eight and watch it grow... and overflow! let it grow, let it grow, can't hold it back anymore let it grow, let it grow, can't fit into eight bytes anymore. I don't care if it takes all day -- big crunch is just the start anyway.(a parody of the first part of let it go from frozen, based on early game features. Is there a sequel to this that completes the song? just felt this was worth putting here.)
* Electrons are now seeing the happy things in life. We're calling these happy electrons 'Positrons.' Wait, that's taken? (In physics, a positron is the antimatter counterpart of an electron)
* This completely useless sentence will get you nowhere and you know it. What a horrible obnoxious man would come up with it, he will probably go to hell, and why would the developer even implement it? Even if you kept reading it you wouldn't be able to finish it (the first time).
* GHOST SAYS HELLO -Boo-chan (Here is an explanation about this news ticker if you are confused: There are several news tickers that mention the former moderator Boo; he was involved in the early days of the Discord Server, and is likely the reason why several news tickers that are attributed to him have went in the game.)
* Can someone tell hevi to calm down? -Mee6 (Mee6 is a multi-purpose Discord server bot)
* Due to Antimatter messing with physics, a creature that was once a moose is now a human
* !hi
* Alright -Alright
* The English greeting is not present in Antimatter speak.
* To buy max or not to buy max, that is the question (A reference to a quote from the Shakespearean play Hamlet: "To be, or not to be - that is the question.")
* This antimatter triggers me
* No, mom, I can't pause this game.
* Scientific notation has entered the battlefield.
* Make the Universe Great Again! -Tronald Dump (A reference to Donald Trump's campaign slogan)
*#dank-maymays (A channel in the Antimatter Dimensions Discord server)
* A new religion has been created, and it's spreading like wildfire. The believers of this religion worship the Heavenly Pelle, the goddess of antimatter. They also believe that 10^308 is infinite. (1e308 is a round-off of Infinity.)
* Someone has just touched a blob, and blown up. Was the blob antimatter, or was the guy made of Explodium?
* If you are not playing on Kongregate or ivark.github.io, the site is bootleg.
* Rate 5 on Kongregate so more people can experience this 5 star Rating (Kongregate is a website that hosts games, many of which ran on Adobe Flash, while some games used other coding languages such as HTML5 or Unity. Antimatter Dimensions is actually hosted on Kongregate, however, the site has become infrequently updated for a multitude of reasons, and has become irrelevant after the death of Adobe Flash, rendering most of the games obsolete.)
*Pop quiz: there are 3 doors, you pick a door at random, and get to keep what's behind the door. The doors have 2 golden goats, 2 silver goats, and a gold and a silver goat. After you pick a door, the door with the lowest $ worth of goats will be opened and shown to you. After this, you are given the choice to swap. What is the probability that you will swap doors?
* BOO!
* You ate for too long. -hevipelle (possible reference to the offline achievement? (this note might be dubious ~ usavictor))
* I hate myself. -Boo-chan
* Gee golly -Xandawesome
* Above us, there is nothing above, But the stars, above. (Lyrics from "Elektronic Supersonik" by Zlad)
* If black lives matter, do white lives antimatter? (Reference to the Black Lives Matter movement)
* Somebody wasn't nice, he got an antimatter-storm.
* You are living, you occupy space, you have a mass, you matter... unless you antimatter.
* I clicked too fast... my PC is now dematerialised.
*A new prestige layer has been announced: Maternity. Get ready to have a baby!
* If an alien lands on your front lawn and extends an appendage as a gesture of greeting, before you get friendly, toss it an eightball. If the appendage explodes, then the alien was probably made of antimatter. If not, then you can proceed to take it to your leader. -Neil deGrasse Tyson
*Snakes look scary, and they absolutely are and you should run, calmly, from every snake you see. But, luckily for you, snakes don't often take the initiative to bite - excluding the really mean ones. If they've gone out of their way to bite you, there's generally 4 reasons. 1- The Snake is Mean. 2- You scared the snake. Snakes are scary to you, but you are scary to snakes. Be the bigger lizard when you meet a snake. 3- You entered the territory of the snake. Often, a snake will warn you if you do this - this is why rattle snakes rattle. If you don't listen to the warning, they'll bite you. And the most important reason, 4- the snake finds you ugly. This is the fault of the snake's ocular system, but is the most common form of bites in at least 2 jurisdictions. And if you get bitten by a snake, by virtue of being a scarily ugly lizard who keeps stumbling into the wrong bushes, there's 3 main things you can do. First, calm down, again, and stay calm. Secondly, immobilise the area around site that was bitten, and try using a compression bandage. Snake venom vision is entirely based on movement of the object it's currently in. And third, calmly, call for help from other lizards. Excluding the snake. The snake's too mean to help you.
*I suspect more people would press the hard reset button if genuine effort was done to make the process as miserable as possible. A slow removal of resources, with unique nerfs just to stop you from progressing. The destruction of UI, turning from usable to unusable, arcane and unwieldy, requiring memory and luck to even continue this quest. Randomness, against the player for even the simplest actions, to punish the thought of progression. Hooks and traps and disasters and low rolls for a chance see progression, which entirely consists of putting the state of the game further from anything deemed reasonable. A situation where the character is broken just to tell you to leave… but the damage is already done, if it is even possible to turn back. And… from there, a hard reset probably isn't enough. It would have to be… harder. Not just a hard reset, but a cookie, something in local storage designed specifically to make it impossible to actually start a new game. Or, something more malicious? And despite this, people would still throw themselves into this nightmare, for humanity knows no bounds in its endless curiosity. No amount of warnings will stop everyone. They will find a way to proceed, given it exists, and may even complain when it isn't as punishing as expected. So, do you want to push the button, and experience the depths of despair, willingly? Hopefully not, because it isn't here.
* I saw this news in the news ticker and i had this image in my head ever since
*The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start. (reference to the FitnessGram Pacer Test copypasta)
* There always must be equal matter than there is antimatter, I guess your mom balances that a bit
* Nothing is created, nothing is destroyed. (references the Law of Conservation of Mass)
* We dug a big hole to store this antimatter... Adele's rolling in it. (A reference to the song Adele - Rolling in the Deep)
* If everything is antimatter, how can you see yourself?
* The stock markets have crashed due to antimatter beings somehow knowing what they will be tomorrow.
* My dog ate too much antimatter, now he is doing 'meow!'
* If you put infinity into your calculator it will result in 42! (42! doesn't actually give Infinity, but rather 1.4050061e+51.)
* You have found the rarest antimatter pepe, it's ultra rare! (Likely refers to the Rare Pepe meme, where people created variations of Pepe the Frog in trading card form.)
* Can we get 1e169 likes on this video??? Smash that like button!! (A reference to the occasional reminder that YouTubers bring up, which involves setting a like goal on their videos and telling their viewers to "Smash the like button!")
* The smell of antimatter has been revealed. It smells like kittens
* Just another antimatter in the wall (Assumed Reference to the song Pink Floyd - Another Brick In The Wall)
* GET SNIPED, WEAKLING
* Thanks a lot -dankesehr (Danke sehr is actually german, meaning "Thanks a lot")
* Don't you hate when people say like if you agree? Like if you agree (This is a contradictory statement)
*Anti-Coronavirus has been detected. Surprisingly, it only seems to be making more antimatter.
*Why even bother using the news ticker? Sure, there are a few funny ones, but even they get old after a while and most of them are just long strings of nonsensical text that repeat over and over until you get sick of seeing them. You've probably seen this one at least nine times already, and you're going to keep seeing it and seeing it until you finally decide to turn off the news.
*This world situation is a SOS situation to the world!! MAYDAY, MAYDAY!!
*The next news ticker is sponsored by the anti-store. Get your daily anti-cinnamon toast crunch!
* A new chat server has been created for Antimatter people to spy on Matter people, and the world has fallen into chaos and discord (A reference to Discord, a general text and voice chatting application used by many people)
* A new study has come out linking the consumption of potatoes with increased risk of Antimatter implosion.  Scientists suggest eating more.
* I thought that I fixed that bug but apparently some update broke it again -hevipelle
* Maybe I'm gay then -Bootato
* Breaking news! Hevipelle has just announced that the buy max button is in fact going to be removed!
* I dedicate this game to my girlfriend (A side note: The donation page has a description about Hevi's girlfriend)
* Antimatter guns don't kill antimatter people, antimatter people kill antimatter people but does that mean that antimatter toaster doesn't toast antimatter toasts, antimatter toast toasts antimatter toasts?
* But to an antimatter person, wouldn't they be matter and us antimatter? (Charge conservation)
* And nothing Antimatters
* School starting up strikes fear in students universe-wide, as schools are no longer segregated between Matter and antimatter. Annihilation is prominent.
* Why does no one talk about the 0th dimension?
* The fatter catter satter on the antimatter.
* Who let the DOgs out? (Referring to the number duooctogintillion, which in the "Standard" notation displays as "DOg". This is a reference to the song Who Let The Dogs Out by Baha Men)
* If you can't read this you disabled the news.
* Doesn't leave, just mutes the server so he doesn't receive notifications (assumed to be a reference to Discord, the communication app)
* Most quotes found online are falsely atributed -Abraham Lincoln (has a misspelling of attributed; the actual joke pokes fun at the false attribution of quotes.)
* This game doesn't have any errors... they're alternative successes.
*There are no typos in any of these news messages. If you see a typo, the tpyo must be in your brain.
* A third type of matter has been discovered: null matter. It doesn't do anything and is basically useless. The scientists who discovered it were fired.
* Your Mother-in-Law keeps nagging you about all these antimatter colliders.
* If matter exists, then does antimatter not exist? (Using an opposites logic)
* Antimatter=Life. Not cobblestone, not dirt, nothing like that. Antimatter. (Reference to youtuber SSundee and his feud with youtuber Crainer over which Minecraft block was better)
* Breaking News: Error Error Error
* How much antiwood could an antiwoodchuck chuck if an antiwoodchuck could chuck antiwood? (A play on the well-known how much wood could a woodchuck chuck phrase)
* Chaos isnt a pit, chaos is a matter (A reference to a quote by Littlefinger in Game of Thrones)
* That's because I'm a good game developer and pushed some code that totally works -hevipelle
* What's the matter with anti matter? (Possibly a reference to the Jerry Seinfeld joke "What's the deal with airline food?")
* Doesn't it annoy you when people don't finish their (The irony is that this news ticker is left unfinished on purpose, possibly lacking "sentences?")
* Don't anti-quote me on this
* Antimatter is honest, matter makes up everything
* According to no known laws of aviation, there are multiple ways a bee should be able to be swallowed up by antimatter (A reference to the introductory quote of Bee Movie)
* You either die as matter or live long enough to be consumed by the antimatter, and then die again (A reference to the movie The Dark Knight)
* If you gaze long enough into the antimatter, the antimatter gazes back into you (reference to Friedrich Nietzsche, a German Philosopher, and his quote: "And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.")
* Always gonna give you up. Always gonna let you down. - anti-Rick Astley (A reference to the song Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up)
* Antimatter Dimensions: the next update is always 5 hours away. Always. (This news ticker spawned the joke about the update releasing in 5 hours.)
* #DimensionLivesAntimatter
* Do antimatter people with suicidal thoughts get depressants?
* To matter or to antimatter, that is the question. (Another reference to a quote from the Shakespearean play Hamlet: "To be, or not to be - that is the question.")
* Why is everything so Hevi? (Assumed to be a reference to the song Linkin Park - Heavy)
* It has been scientifically proven ages ago, that cats made of matter are assholes. We have good news, because cats made of antimatter are still assholes
* Nobody once told me the anti-world wasn’t gonna roll me (A reference to the song Smash Mouth - All Star)
* Antimatter is like internet. If you're reading this, you can't have enough of it.
* Antimatter has made time travel possible and I'm here to make the past great again. - 2nd President of the World
* Please insert Disc -1 to continue playing Antimatter Dimensions™. (A reference to older games that require you to insert more discs that came with the game to be able to support the size of the game)
* Lore - coming soon ™ (despite this message, there is still no lore, possibly not until Reality. But even then, that may be a stretch.)
* I was a part of antimatter like you once. But then I got matter in my knee. (This is a reference to a Skyrim meme, which is a quote from a NPC in the game)
* Antimatter... antimatter never changes... until you get to quantum physics of antimatter, but we don't have enough tachyon particles for that. (The only thing that this now refers to is Time Dilation, but when this news ticker was created, Time Dilation didn't exist. This is also a Fallout reference.)
* There is no war in Antimatter Dimensions. Here we are safe. Here we are free. (This is a reference to the phrase "There is no war in Ba Sing Se" from the TV show Avatar: The Last Airbender.)
* Antimatter has solved global warming.  In unrelated news, the Earth no longer exists.
* Anti-water, anti-Earth, anti-fire, anti-air. Long ago, the four anti-nations lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the anti-Fire Nation attacked. Only the anti-Avatar, the master of all 4 anti-elements could bring balance to the anti-world, but when the world needed him most, he accidentally touched some regular matter and exploded. (referencing the TV show Avatar: The Last Airbender; this is a reference to the opening line during the title sequence.)
* If you open an anti-lootbox, are you selling random possessions for in-game currency? (Referencing the controversy surrounding lootboxes in video games)
* People are beginning to question Hevipelle's existence.
* Antimatter Dimensions is proud to be sponsored by Lehmä! Now offering - grass eating lessons! Learn what grass is safe to eat and what grass isn't.
* It is the year 2422. The update still isn't out. Hevi is working on balancing unfunity dimension dimensions and challenges for the 38th layer of prestige. There are over 100 rows of achievements. They're getting ready to start using breaking_breaking_breaking_infinity.js (This news ticker may have predicted the modifications and the large amount of Prestige Layers being made for them.)
* Import Christmas for a secret theme (There is actually a Christmas theme, and also gives a Secret Achievement)
*Hello, Vsauce, Michael here. We all know that the 9th dimension doesn't exist, but what is 9? You know it's the number after 8... right? What if... there's a number in between? And no I'm not talking about numbers like 8.5 or 8.76, I'm talking about an integer between 8 and 9. Now all this may sound crazy to you, and it kinda is, but what if, we've missed a number? We've all been taught that 2 comes after 1 and 3 comes after 2, but what if the number that comes after 8 isn't 9? After years of research and experimentation, we've finally found the number. It is dangerous, even knowing its existence will let it consume your mind, but fortunately, we've developed a reverse-containment cell, meaning it's everywhere except here. Our brain has a protection system, that specifically filters out any information regarding this number, that's how we've been able to survive for this long, and why others like us went extinct in the past, but the number has been getting stronger, slowly getting closer to breaking our protection. We've temporary stopped the number from slipping into our memory by using the world-wide memory manipulator located in this room to keep making everyone think that 9 comes after 8 with a side effect that makes everyone think that 9 is evil, but this won't last forever, as the number will keep getting stronger, and will eventually overpower the memory manipulator. That's why you're here, you're one of the most intelligent person here, and we hope you can help us on our journey to defeat that number. Our enemy is not 9, it is the hidden number between 8 and 9, the missing number. (VSauce is a YouTuber that gained massive popularity in the early and late 2010's due to his videos, which 'answer more questions than asked'.) (This may also be placed under the 9th dimension section.)
*As you probably know, it is traditional to give gifts made of certain materials to celebrate anniversaries The classic ones are silver at 25 and gold at 50. Here are some little known anniversary gifts: Pineapple - 37 years Hellstone - 66 years Lizardite- 82 years Nitrowhisperin- 86 years Taconite - 95 years Hatchettite - 100 years Electrum - 110 Yakitoda - 111 years years Fordite - 119 years Bloodstone - 120 years Celestite - 125 years Jet - 140 years Petroleum - 145 years Steel - 150 years Cummingtonite - 198 years Concrete - 200 years Laserblue- 210 years Painite - 250 years Parisite - 255 years Parasite - 260 years Carbon Nanotubes - 300 years Mercury - 310 years Martian Soil - 340 years Neptunium - 370 years Uranium - 380 years Plutonium - 390 years Xium - 400 years Blaze rods - 420 years Asbestos - 430 years Gabite - 444 years Crimtane - 666 years Lagga - 777 years (There is no word "years" succeeding the number 110 while there is two succeeding the number 111. This is probably a typo.)
*This is a friendly suggestion that if you take prescription stimulants and you forget to take them till 11pm, it's probably best not to take them at 11pm
* What the f*ck did you just f*cking say about me, you little b*tch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Antimatter Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the 9th Dimension, and I have over 300 NNnNeMI-NNnNe confirmed kills. I am trained in potato warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire Antimatter Galactic armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another infinity. I will wipe you the f*ck out with Max All mashing the likes of which has never been seen before in this dimension, mark my f*cking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Interdimensional network? Think again, f*cker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of autobuyers across the galaxy and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the Big Crunch, maggot. The Big Crunch that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re f*cking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven 😠💩 different ways, and that’s just with my mouse. Not only am I extensively trained in dimension shift combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Antimatter Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the universe, you little shit. If only you could have known what unhevi retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your f*cking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re buying until 10, you goddamn idiot. I will shit antimatter shit all over you and you will drown in it. You’re f*cking dead, kiddo. (Reference to the Navy Seals Copypasta)
* So I've pondered this question for a long time. Antimatter Dimensions... what does it mean? I mean it's game, that's clear. You buy the first dimension, and it gives you antimatter, and the second dimension provides more first dimensions and so on... But what does it mean? It can't just be a game, it seems too plain for that. The developer must have made it as a metaphor. I was doing my weekly ritual of using the fingernail clipper to cut my pubic hair, when finally the realization came to me. The dimensions are just thinly veiled misspellings of the word 'depression'. Regular matter are the cruel and negative thoughts that add to and fuel depression, while antimatter is the positive thoughts and good friends that dispel it You start off with something simple, and it fights almost imperceptibly against the depression, but as you keep going the fight builds. But it never seems to fix everything. The depression seems like it could go on to infinity. So you keep going. But eventually, you figure out, depression isn't infinite. It's just very very large. But your 'dimensions' eventually, with enough work, make enough 'antimatter' to usurp that seeming infinity of depression. Then the possibilities are endless. You are actually happy for once, and your happiness grows exponentially as you go beyond and seemingly 'break' the 'infinity' of depression. And you go on until that 'infinity' seems tiny in comparison to the happiness you've managed to achieve in your life, where if you reset you get over that infinity in less than the blink of an eye. If you want to know what the multiple layers of prestige are...'Dimensional Shifts' are getting new things and methods to give you happiness. 'Dimensional Boosts' are upgrading the things and methods. Examples would be getting a new car being a 'Dimensional Shift' and trading that car in for a new one would be a 'Dimensional Boost'. 'Eternities' are major tragedies such as a loved one dying. That lapse brings you straight back to the beginning, with seemingly no hope of return. But with time, you grow back stronger and happier than ever before. 'Dimensional Sacrifice' is moving away. You have to give up a lot of the things you had that made you happy, but there is new opportunity in where you move to. And that new opportunity gives you more happiness than you ever had. 'Tickspeed' is how easy it is to make you happy, and 'Time Dimensions' make it even easier to be happy. Antimatter Dimensions is a metaphor for a depressed man's successful battle against his illness. (This includes spoilers for future gameplay content up to Eternity.)
* (Make me sleep) Put me to sleep inside. (I can't sleep) Put me to sleep inside. (Leave me) Whisper my name and give me to the dark. (Make me sleep) Bid my milk to stay. (I can't fall asleep) Before I become done. (Leave me) Leave me to the nothing I've become. (A reference to the song Evanescence - Bring Me to Life, replacing parts of the chorus with words that have opposite and different meanings from the original chorus)
* A preview of the next update - loot boxes! Feel a sense of pride and progression as you open cosmic, galactic, and universal lootboxes for chances at rare skins, unique challenges with uniquer rewards, time skips and even new dimensions! (Referencing the controversy surrounding lootboxes in video games)
* it's nothing personal bro - all villager types. (reference to minecrafts villagers)
* The intent of dimensions is to give a sense of pride and accomplishment (Reference to a Reddit post on /r/StarWarsBattlefront responding to a complaint about Electronic Arts' microtransactions)
* Refreshing cures cancer (Refreshing while having Cancer notation will change Cancer to Emoji, but won't change anything else. This is mainly because the notation is internally named Emoji in the code.)
* I have a 9th, i have a dimension... UHH... IT DOESN'T EXIST! (A reference to the song and meme PIKOTARO - PPAP (Pen Pineapple Apple Pen))
* Since when did we start reporting stuff like this? Half of it isn't even proper news, it's just jokes and meta-references, it doesn't even make sens-HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK CO-
* I was gonna do a news ticker that covered all the bases, but i think that would make it too OP. (There is no outright guide within the game)
* The year is 1944, Hevipelle can't release updates for AD because he doesn't exist
* "THAT DIMENSION DOESN'T EXIST" -GhostBot (GhostBot was a bot on the Discord Server that used to be operated by former moderator Boo; this is likely referring to the 9th dimension)
* Most things you know as nuts are actually Drupe seeds or Legumes. Hevipelle on the other hand is quite crazy and can thus be considered a dry uncompartmented fruit.
* Finland declares that it's starting to import Cancer (in newsticker.js: LZString.decompressFromEncodedURIComponent("GISwdgNghmAmAEsCmBjaAnJBneAXAFlLvCLgOQ5a5Tq7gDmeA9iQLYAOTt8AwjCknRA") (this is a theme)
* All this importing is making me Confused (in newsticker.js: 'LZString.decompressFromEncodedURIComponent("IIGxAIBcAsEsGdywLYAcD2AnSsB2BzJRZAQwGs9DkBTcAYXVwDMBXeagEyA")) (this is a theme)
* Only today you can call 1-800-ANTIMATTER and get a FREE Infinity Dimension! The package also comes with a COMPLETELY FREE SHIPPING and a FREE HIGH DEFINITION ANTI-V!!! Only today for the low price of 42! Estimated delivery time - 5 hours. (Infinity Dimensions are another dimension type in the game, and the 5 hour joke)
* 1e420 blaze it. (reference to 4/20, which is the day cannibis culture is celebrated)
* This game doesn't have any bugs, you're just doing it wrong.
* Antimatter_Dimensions.mp1.79e308 (referencing the mp3/mp4 file formats)
* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ (Link to Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up music video on YouTube as a rickroll, a meme that was popular in the late 2000's and is still popular today to trick people into getting fooled by something (e.g. April Fools jokes).
* Warning - We have just been informed that there is a chance of infection with a mind-virus of the Basilisk type, similar to the infamous winking parrot. This particular example is known as 'Fractal Cancer Type III'. This is believed to cause a 'crashing' of the mind, similar to a computer crash, due to the mathematical complexity of the image causing mathematical ideas that the mind can't comprehend, a Gondelian shock input eventually leading to crashing through Gondelian spoilers. All who have researched it have eventually died the same way, so it is impossible to tell exactly, but this is the common belief. Regardless, with the introduction of 'cancer' mode, as well as reports of it's spontaneous appearance, sufficient repetition of this mode's appearance may lead to  an image forming in the mind similar to 'Fractal Cancer Type III'. With this in mind, we have some suggestions if you find yourself plagued with it. First, refresh immediately and see if that fixes the issue. If not, navigate to options, and change the theme from cancer to literally anything else. And above all else, Godspeed. We can't afford to lose anymore viewers. (Heavily referencing 1988 science-fiction short story "BLIT" by David Langford, as well as the Cancer notation and theme.)
* If I have bad English, I'll study English until I have good English. (This is Aarex's news ticker suggestion; In the past, he was known for making mistakes in his English sentences.)
* Someone once told me that antimatter is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest atom in the shed. WELL, the tubes start coming and they don't stop coming... (A reference to the song Smash Mouth - All Star, replacing parts of certain lines with the topic of antimatter.)
* Because of this game I can now use the word "infinity" as a verb. (Refers to the abundant usage of the term Infinity in the game.)
* Ahhh i love the smell of particle annihilation in the morning
* The person who said ghosts don't exist obviously doesn't have a discord (Assumed to be a reference to Discord, the communication app; may possibly be referring to Boo, a retired moderator from the Discord server)
* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAntimatter Dimensions was made by some dude from Finland (Hevipelle, the developer, is from Finland)
* The Holy trinity of Hevipelle, Antimatter, Infinity Points, and Eternity Points. These 3 resources let us access Hevi’s gift, Time Theorems. And with these Time Theorems, we reach out to Hevi, and call, “Hevi, bless us on this fine day!” And Hevi does. He give us the blessing of Time Studies. These Time Studies were blessings so powerful, Hevi restricted their power. He said, “ I will give you a choice of three paths” and then humanity chose. The short, cheap route of Normal Dimensions, giving instant gratification, the powerful choice of Infinity Dimensions, which were a fast, middle ground path, or Time Dimension, the long wait, and struggle, of humanity. Then, as humanity chose, a crack broke the earth. A serpent snaked out and sneered to humanity, “I will offer the powerful choice of a ninth dimension! I am Slabdrill, lord of all Unhevi. Humanity rose and said “ Begone Slabdrill! We want none of your foul Heresy!” And Hevi rose as well, and smote Slabdrill with his godlike power. As Slabdrill’s corpse fell into the earth, he cried “ this will not be the last of me! Hevi will betr-“ and he fell in the Abyss of matter. Hevi gifted humanity with Eternity upgrades, which boosted infinity dimensions and time dimensions. And Hevi gave humanity his greatest gift . EP multipliers. He said, these will multiply all EP gained by 5, but their cost will increase 50 times. Use them wisely. And Humanity journeyed off with their new power, as Slabdrill’s words echoed in their heads. (Contains spoilers for Eternity. It also appears anytime within the game, so basically you are being spoiled before you even get to that point. It was also formerly wrong, since the EP multiplier starts off increasing by a factor of 50 per purchase, not 25, as the old ticker stated.)
* We have updated our Antimatter Privacy Policy. (reference to emails saying that they changed their Privacy Policy, due to the General Data Protection Regulation taking effect)
*There is a traffic jam in Dimenton. If you plan on travelling in the area, leave early. Here's some live footage: 🚗🚕🚛🚙🚗🚚🚕🚕🚌🚛🚚🚙🚒🚛🚗🚙🚓🚗🚚🚛🚒🚌🚐🚚🚐🚛🚚🚓 Yeah, Dale, I'd say it looks pretty bad. And make sure to bring some water and a snack with you, too.
*"It should work now, but it doesn't." -Hevipelle
*The real update is the friends we made along the way
*If you have a suggestion for a news ticker, shout it into the void. It won't get your suggestion into the game, but it's fun!
*-. . ...- . .-. / --. --- -. -. .- / --. .. ...- . / -.-- --- ..- / ..- .--. (Morse code of "NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP")
*Pluto isn’t a state. The 50 states, as we know, are: Adverb, Air, Artemis, Asia, Atlantic, Bargaining, Bilabial, Braille, Candela, Comma, Dacron, Dairy, Dative, Dexterity, Disenchanter, Dodecahedron, Erie, Eukaryota, Folklore, Great Pyramid, Halogen, Igneous, Italy, Kansas, Kilimanjaro, Lambda, Leviticus, Libra, Liquid, Lymphatic, Mesozoic, Microwave, Muon, North, Nova Scotia, Octagon, October, P = NP, Perissodactyla, Polk, Potassium, Pulley, Quinary, Rook, Saturn, Tiana, Tiger, Varaha, Yale, and Yellow.
*Please disregard any undeserved compliments.
*This news sucks. Why no you dont get it?
* Barack Obamantimatter
* Roses are red, violets are blue, flag is win, baba is you (Reference to level 00 of Solitary Island in Baba Is You, a puzzle game about changing the rules of the level)
* This link is not a rick roll. (Link to Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up music video on YouTube as a rickroll, a meme that was popular in the late 2000's and is still popular today to trick people into getting fooled by something (e.g. April Fools jokes).
* My AD-blocker won't let me play.
* shush, I'm trying to be sneaky
* Actually, that last one was incorrect.
* Introducing Morse Code+++! Now with 20+ new symbols, for everybody who wants to slide, zip, and swoosh!
* Woooo! It's me, the infamous news ghost! (blinking)
* Roses are red, violets are blue, flag is win, Baba is you. (Reference to the game Baba is you)
== Interactive ==
The Reality update added quite a few news tickers that can be clicked on to play an animation or give you something. The action(s) done by the click are in parentheses after the ticker. Tickers that give you a paperclip are listed in bold. Interacting with any of them awards the Secret Achievement "Real news".
* Read More (becomes "More")
* Click this to unlock that one secret achievement.
* Nothing happens when you click on this text. (adds "and yet you've clicked it n times." to the end, where n is the number of clicks performed)
* Click this to restart your device. (becomes "Please give Antimatter Dimensions admin access to your device")
* Click this to disassemble the news ticker for a trace amount of paperclips. (disables the ticker, can be re-enabled in the options menu; also awards a paperclip)
* This is a test message for News 2.0. News 2.0 will add features like the ability to turn any message upside-down by clicking it! (self-explanatory)
* (🔊)This is a test message for News 2.0. News 2.0 will add features like the ability to listen to an audio version of any message! (self-explanatory)
* Click this to hard reset the game. (becomes "You're crazy. You know what, here. Have a paperclip.", awards a paperclip) 
* This text is made of antimatter. Do not touch it or else the universe will collapse. (plays the >1 minute Big Crunch animation)
* 💣 (becomes "💥")
*We will now allow you to write your own messages at home. Here, give it a try:[input box] Or don't. Your choice. (self-explanatory)
==Patreon==
On Hevipelle's patreon, there is a backer tier called "Your own news ticker entry in AD", which means once you pledge $10 or more with that backer tier, you can suggest your own news ticker to Hevipelle himself (with consideration, meaning the news ticker has to be appropriate before it can be actually be added within the game).
*[pat1] Is this a jojo reference? (an ironic meme that is used when some sort of media is reminiscent of an event in JoJo's Bizarre Adventure (the anime/manga).)
*blueboylovesJesus
==Basic Conditional (conditions must be met before they can be shown)==
===Pre-Infinity ===
*You just made your 1,000,000,000,000,000 antimatter. This one tastes like chicken { player.money.e == 15 (having between 1 to 10 trillion antimatter, can be easily missed) }
*Nerf the galaxies please. { player.galaxies == 2 || player.infinitied > 0 }
*What do you mean, more than two dimensions??? We're on a screen, clearly there are only 2 dimensions. { player.thirdAmount.gt(0) || player.resets > 0 (having at least one third dimension or dimension boost) }
*How much is Infinity? -literally everyone at least once { player.eightAmount.eq(190) || player.infinitied > 0 (having exactly 190 eight dimensions or have infinitied once) }
*Eh, the Fourth Dimension is alright... { player.fourthAmount.gt(0) && player.fifthAmount.eq(0) (only have fourth dimensions and below) }
*Antimatter people seem to be even more afraid of 13 then we are. They destroyed entire galaxies just to remove 13 from their percents. { player.galaxies > 0 || player.infinitied > 0 (having at least 1 antimatter galaxy or infinity at least once) }
*To understand dimensional sacrifice, you do actually need a PhD in theoretical physics. Sorry! { player.sacrificed.e >= 10 || player.resets >= 6 (Sacrificed with at least 1e10 1st dimensions or have 6 dimensional boost or more) }
*A new group for the standardisation of numbers have come forward with a novel new format involving emoji's. { player.spreadingCancer > 0 (player.spreadingCancer is greater than 0, meaning you bought at least 1 galaxy with Cancer/Emoji notation) }
*Antimatter ice cream stand has recently opened- they have octillions of flavors! { player.totalmoney.e >= 27 (have made more than 1 octillion antimatter) }
*The Heavenly Pelle has generated too much antimatter and needed to create another galaxy. This one can be seen in the southwestern sky. { player.galaxies > 0 || player.infinitied > 0 (have at least 1 antimatter galaxy or infinity at least once) }
*What does the CTRL button do again? { "controlDown" (holding down the "CTRL" key) }
=== 9th Dimension (needs at least 5 soft resets/dimension boosts, or 1 or more galaxies)=== 
*9th Dimension is a lie.
*The square root of 9 is 3, therefore the 9th dimension can't exist.
* You got assimilated by the 9th dimension? Just call your doctor for mental illness!
*Why is there no 9th dimension? Because 7 8 9.
* The 9th dimension cannot exist because the Nein-speaking nazis died in WW2.
*If you break the fourth wall... well, there's still the fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth to get through before you encounter bad things, so you should be fine (there is a followup to this message)
*Conditions must be met for Hevipelle to sleep. First, it needs to be a blue moon. Second, a specific town in the arctic must have not seen light for a month. Third, he needs to release an AD update. And finally, no one on the discord can be on dimension 9. Only then can he rest, for up to 6 hours, before waking up forcefully to avoid getting the offline achievement. { (player.resets >= 5 || player.galaxies > 0) && (and) player.achievements.includes("r22") (also needs the "FAKE NEWS!" achievement) } (mentions the Discord server and the "Don't you dare sleep" achievement's requirement.)
* If the 9th dimension is all evil, then is 3 the root of all evil?
*9 sounds like Nein in German which means "no" which is why the 9th dimension is no
=== Post-Infinity, Pre-Replicanti===
*I've got 1.79e308 problems, but none of them antimatters { player.infinitied > 0 && !player.break (did at least 1 big crunch and infinity isn't broken (haven't done it yet or fixed infinity)) }
*Anti Emoji Movie a huge hit { player.spreadingCancer >= 5 (5 galaxies bought in Cancer/Emoji notation) } (there is a followup to this message if you get at least 3,999 galaxies bought in Cancer/Emoji notation)
*If this game was made by Valve, Zero Deaths would be impossible. { player.achievements.includes("r43") (you have the "Zero Deaths" achievement) }
* Florida man attempts to get Zero Deaths on first run, is stopped by heat death of the universe. { player.achievements.includes("r43") (you have the "Zero Deaths" achievement - same as above) } - This tells how its basically impossible to get Zero Deaths without having to wait an extremely long time.
*Having done half the achievements isn't much of an achievement -Boo { player.achievements.length >= 40 (having 40 achievements or higher, there are more achievements now, which means this news ticker is sort of outdated) }
=== Post-Replicanti ===
* Thanos is gonna be super dissapointed when he shows up with a fully powered infinity gauntlet, and Hevi has a fully powered eternity gauntlet { player.eternities > 0 (you have at least 1 eternity) } (Reference to Avengers: Infinity War/Endgame)
*New strange material was been found. It seems to grow exponentially, but only helps with antimatter production. { player.replicanti.unl && player.replicanti.chance == 0.01 (if you have unlocked replicanti, and replicanti chance is 1%) }
*Jake returned home from a long day at school. On the way home, he came across a curious little object. Transparent, but opaque. Shimmering, but gloomy. Heavy, but weightless. Jake brought the object to his mother. “Mom, I found this thing on the sidewalk, can I keep it?”, Jake said. His mother turned around to view the object her son spoke of. Her pupils dilated, “Jake, get that thing out of the house now!” she yelled. Jake was confused, as it seemed quite the harmless thing to him. He asked, “But mom, wh-“ but before he could finish, the object seemed to undergo mitosis at what seemed like an impossible speed, and the second copy slipped out of his hand and onto the floor. His mother rushed over and tried to grab the object, but it replicated again. “Jake… no matter what happens, don’t forget that I love you honey…”. She wrapped her arms around him. “M-mom, what’s happening?” Jake asked, with a quivering fear in his voice. His mother cried a single tear. “[?][?]brand Replicanti…” she said, in a somber tone.” The Replicanti continued to replicate at a faster and faster pace. The bottom third of the house was now full of Replicanti. Then the bottom half. Then the entire house. The mother and child were trapped between the walls of their home and the Replicanti. Doomed to live the short rest of their life in that inorganic coffin, as the air in their lungs slowly depleted. But that wasn’t the end; far from it. The Replicanti continued to replicate outside of the house, flooding out in a shimmering landslide. A few neighbours noticed the strange objects, almost liquid-like in their appearance, and attempted to run. But the Replicanti continued to replicate, and accelerate. Soon the entire block was covered in them; was them. Shortly after, several blocks. The city. The surrounding cities. The countries. All the countries. All the planet. All the solar system. All the galaxy. All. [notes needed; please place them here]
* It seems this "replicanti" stuff won't be growing any faster now. { player.replicanti.chance == 1 && player.replicanti.interval == 1 (if replicanti chance and interval is maxed out) }
=== Post-Dilation ===
* This message is dilated. (The space between letters will be longer and longer)
==News Conditional (appears based on how many news you encounter or what news has appeared)==
*Does Hevi just pick quotes to put into the game? { player.newsArray.length >= 30 (Encountered 30 news lines in total) } 
*New news company has become rivals with us. They are made entirely of antimatter. { player.newsArray.length >= 80 (Encounter 80 news lines in total) }
*How many times can we use "Anti" in a row before people stop listening? { player.newsArray.length >= 100 (Encounter 100 news lines in total) }
*Need more quotes! -hevipelle { player.newsArray.length >= 135 (Encounter 135 news lines in total) }
*You're almost there! { player.newsArray.length >= 160 (Encounter 160 news lines in total) }
*You can stop now { player.newsArray.length >= 165 (Encounter 165 news lines in total) }
*f*ckinghacker { player.newsArray.length >= 200 (Encounter 200 news lines in total) }
*Asian man tries to steal the trophy of fastest infinity of -1 seconds, AND HE DOES IT! { player.newsArray.includes("c1") (have met the [c1] news ticker "You do know that you won't reach Infinity in -1 seconds, right?") }
*I broke the 8th wall, there is only chaos, Slabdrill is ritually sacrificing antimatter to the 9th dimension. This will be my last entry, may Hevipelle have mercy on our souls, we didn't listen, We should have listened. { player.newsArray.includes("b17") (have met the [b17] news ticker "If you break the fourth wall... well, there's still the fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth to get through before you encounter bad things, so you should be fine") } (Slabdrill is a user, most notably on the Antimatter Dimensions server, which has some relations with the 9th dimension. Particularly, he made the 9th dimension.)
*I thought the update was 5 hours away... -new players after more than 5 hours of gameplay { player.newsArray.includes("a91") && player.totalTimePlayed >= 600*300 (you have met the [a91] news ticker "Antimatter Dimensions: the next update is always 5 hours away. Always." and played for at least 5 hours, part of the 5 hours joke) }
*Somebody told me to wait five hours for the update yesterday but it's today and it still hasn't come! What do I do? { player.newsArray.includes("a91") && (and) player.totalTimePlayed >= 600*300 (Same as above.) }
==Hard Conditional (difficult to be shown)==
* You do know that you won't reach Infinity in -1 seconds, right? { player.bestInfinityTime == 0.1 (Having exactly 0.01 seconds in best infinity time, can be missed if you somehow reach below 0.01s.) }
*Where does Antimatter Nemo live? In a NNnNeMI-NNnNe. { player.totalmoney.e >= 3e6 (Have made 1e3,000,000 in total. There is a comment saying "might not be poss?" meaning that this may not be possible, however, you can get numbers greater than 1e3,000,000 and the endgame is designed to be about 1e9e15 antimatter.) } (Finding Nemo reference)
*Anti Emoji Movie MMMCMXCIX is a major hit! { player.spreadingCancer >= 3999 (Get at least 3,999 galaxies bought in Cancer/Emoji notation) }
*Achievement Unlocked! { player.achievements.length == 88 (You have to have exactly 88 achievements for this ticker, but this can easily be overdone and missed. You can complete up to row 11 achievements and get this ticker) }*
*Did you use an autoclicker for that? { player.timestudy.studies.includes(131) && player.thisInfinityTime <= 600 && player.replicanti.galaxies >= 50 (Get the "Automatic replicanti galaxies are disabled but you get 50% more" study and have 50 replicanti galaxies and this infinity time may not exceed 60 seconds) }
*Timing is key. { player.thisEternity < 1 (have less than 0.1 seconds into an Eternity) }
*If you want to farm infinitied, why don't you just get the time study? { !player.timestudy.studies.includes(32) && player.infinitied > 72000 * 168 (Don't have the "You gain (dimensional boosts)x more infinitied stat (based on dimensional boosts)" study and have more than 12,096,000 infinitied stat) }
*The achievement is for two million, not two billion... { player.infinitied > 2e9 (Have over 2 billion infinitied stat, 3 OoMs (orders of magnitude) more than the 2 Million Infinities achievement) }
*Keep up the quick pace! { Marathon > 1200 (if your antimatter/sec exceeds your current antimatter count for more than 2 minutes, the game code for some reason has seconds that are ten times more than what they actually are) }
*One day you will stop your incessant grind. { player.eternities > 50000 (have over 50,000 eternities) } (You have to grind in order to beat all the Eternity Challenges, so grinding will happen for a long time)
*You can probably stop farming for eternities now... { player.eternities > 2000000 (have over 2,000,000 eternities) } (2 million eternities at this point is way beyond the soft cap for Eternity Upgrade 2, and Time Study 193 won't increase further (after around 1,012,680 eternities), so you usually wouldn't grind this much)
*Are you serious? { worstChallengeTime <= 0.1 (Longest challenge time is 0.01 seconds or less) }
*The amazing speedster { infChallengeTimes <= 0.1 (Total infinity challenge times is 0.08 seconds or less) }
==Luck Conditional (self explanatory) ==
Note: These news tickers are rarer than expected, because you have to have satisfied the condition AND get the news ticker selected. Out of the many entries in the news ticker, only one can be chosen, making the luck news tickers even harder to get.
*This news message is 1000x rarer than all the others. { Math.random() < 0.001 (1 in 1,000 chance) }
*You just won a small prize in the lottery. { Math.random() < 1e-4 (1 in 10,000 chance) }
*You just won a moderate prize in the lottery. { Math.random() < 1e-5 (1 in 100,000 chance) }
*You just won a large prize in the lottery. { Math.random() < 1e-6 (1 in 1,000,000 chance) }
*You just won a huge prize in the lottery. { Math.random() < 1e-7 (1 in 10,000,000 chance) }
* You just won a massive prize in the lottery. { Math.random() < 1e-8 (1 in 100,000,000 chance) }
*You just won a very massive prize in the lottery. { Math.random() < 1e-9 (1 in 1 billion chance) }
*You just won the lottery. { Math.random() < 1e-10 (1 in 10 billion chance) }
*Just how lucky are you? { Math.random() < 1e-11 (1 in 100 billion chance) }
*This news message is 1000000000000x rarer than all the others. { Math.random() < 1e-12 (1 in 1 trillion chance) }
=="Missable" Conditional (easy to miss, impossible or paying required)== 
*Achievement Unlocked! { player.achievements.length == 88 } (*You don't have to cheat for this, but this appears as you can easily miss it while playing the game.)
*How dare you actually get zero deaths on a first run? { player.achievements.includes("r43") && player.infinitied == 1 && player.eternities == 0 (if you have Zero Deaths achievement, have 1 infinitied stat and 0 eternities stat) } (This is impossible without the paid Kongregate Dimension Multiplier.)
* Legend says the ninth dimension is supposed to be found here, but I don't see anything. { player.money.e >= 41900 && !player.replicanti.unl && player.eternities == 0 (if you have is more than 1e41,900 antimatter, and replicanti hasn't been unlocked, and you have no eternities) } (This was labelled as hard in the javascript code, but since it is easy to miss, it had been moved into this section. This references the amount of antimatter required to unlock the 9th dimension (a update pushed by Slabdrill), but even then, the 9th dimension multiplier is extremely low, and in the end you will never be able to produce any 8th dimensions in the version that the 9th dimension was made in due to the cost breaking sometime after reaching e100,000, not unless you wait a extremely long amount of time. (which won't ever produce 8th dimensions))
*Person with money likes to support this game. { kongDimMult > 1 || kongIPMult > 1 (Have more than 1 paid dimension multiplier or 1 paid IP multiplier. You have to actually pay for this.) }
*Whale is bad at making smart purchases. { kongIPMult > 500 && kongDimMult < 5e307 (Have more than 500 paid IP multiplier and less than 5e307 paid dimension multiplier. Costs at least 20,000 Kreds/STDs or $1,739.13 in real money, provided that 1,150 Kreds/STDs = $100) }
*Whale complains that the game broke. { kongDimMult > 5e307 (Have more than 5e307 paid dimension multiplier. Costs at least 30,660 Kreds/STDs or $2,666.08 in real money) }
*Whale complains that their buying isn't doing anything. { kongIPMult > 1.8e16 (Have more than 1.8e16 paid IP multiplier. This costs $6.26e16 in real world money and is basically impossible to see legitimately due to the cost and the lack of floating point precisions.) }
== Trivia==
*An Achievement is only available with having the News on ("FAKE NEWS!") to be able to encounter 50 different News messages.