Elmo 2 Is In The Freezer!

Elmo 2 Is In The Freezer! is the first episode of the first season of Full Server. It is also the first episode of the series itself. In the episode, SpongeBot and Prim have a child who ends up like a satanic demonic spawn, and Jess performs some witch shit, which takes a wrong turn.
== Transcript ==
Whatever happened to predictability.
The milkman, the paperboy, evening tv?
How did I get to living here?
Somebody tell me please!
This old world's confusing me.
With clouds as mean as you've ever seen
Ain't a bird who knows your tune.
Then a little voice inside you Whispers,
Kid don't sell your dreams, so soon
Everywhere you look, everywhere you go
There's a heart (There's a heart), a hand to hold onto.
Everywhere you look, everywhere you go
There's a place, of Somebody who needs you
Everywhere you look.
When you're lost out there and you're all alone,
A light is waiting to carry you home.
Everywhere you look.
Everywhere you look.
[Transition music plays as we see several shots of cars driving over a red bridge, followed by an establishing shot of a large house. Applause and cheers. Cut to the living area where Zoltan is in the middle of a job interview.]
Zoltan: I'm a registered sex offender.
[Laugh track/applause.]
Virtual Diner: (on call) And you want us to hire you why?
Zoltan: (on call) Oh, yes. Because I need to sell families to other people to eat.
[Laugh track. Zoom call ends.]
Zoltan: Dammit. Second damn interview ruined because of my hobbies.
[SpongeBot enters. Applause and cheers.]
SpongeBot: Please tell me I didn't hear that correctly. The first spoken line of the entire series is "I'm a registered sex offender"?!
[Laugh track.]
Zoltan: What else do you expect from a SpongeBob Fanfiction Wiki show made by a 14 year old with the writers from The World of SBFW?
[Laugh track. Prim enters to more applause and cheers.]
Prim: Oh, grandpa! How'd the interview go?
Zoltan: They hung up, but besides that I'm pretty sure I aced it.
[Laugh track.]
Prim: Well, while you were out doing that, I was railing my wife in twenty different positions at once. Pretty proud of myself.
[Extra loud laugh track because sex is peak comedy.]
SpongeBot: It's true.
Prim: Honestly life's just been great since we married.
SpongeBot: I never agreed to any of this.
[Big haha sound because we will regret writing this in 10 months.]
Zoltan: Neither did your mother. That's why I have to stay 20 yards away from her.
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: Are you implying you fucked my mother?
Zoltan: Implying? I gigoogited that girl. I geschmoigiddied her geflavaty with my googus, and I am not sorry.
SpongeBot: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS SHOW AND JUST LIKE USERFICS IN GENERAL ON THE SITE PUTTING TEENAGERS IN REALLY FUCKED UP SEXUAL SITUATIONS
Prim: That isn't even the worst line in the episode.
[Laugh track.]
Prim: But anyway, we have big news.
Zoltan: YOU'RE MOVING OUT?!
SpongeBot: Unfortunately no.
Zoltan: Good because I own all of you.
[Laugh track.]
Prim: Actually, we're doing quite the opposite. You see Grandpa, SpongeBot here has pulled a Greg Heffley.
Zoltan: She's pulled a wha-
Prim: She's preggers.
[Gasp/dramatic sound effect]
Zoltan: WHAT
Prim: Yeah… I kinda forgot to wrap it before I tapped it.
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: We made a deal with the devil in the process.
Zoltan: I KNEW YOU WERE SATANIC!! NO BEING SATANIC IN MY CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD!!
[Laugh track. Enter Jess to applause and cheers from literally no one.]
Jess: Sounds like a job for a witch-err, human training to be a witch!
Prim: It's funny because Owl House.
Zoltan: Can I fuck you?
[Laugh track.]
Jess: I forget how we're related, so no. Now I want to cast a spell to make sure this conversation never happened.
[Laugh track.]
Zoltan: But it did happen.
[Laugh track because it's funny because it's true. Pan over to Pluto doing some Math homework in the corner.]
Pluto: Hush up, mom. I'm trying to study.
[Applause and cheers.]
Jess: I'll send you back to the third dimension where you came from if you don't shut up.
[Dan bursts through the wall. Laugh track because destruction is funny.]
Dan: CAN'T A GUY JACK OFF TO SOME SWEET JUICY LOLA BUNNY PORN IN PEACE?!
Jess: I sure love some zoophilia in the morning.
[For legal reasons I don't love zoophilia at any time of the day, I didn't even write that last line - Jess]
Dan: Hey, it's not zoophilia if it's Lola Bunny.
[Laugh track.]
Zoltan: We're getting off track, laddies. SpongeBot is pregnant with a satanic child.
Dan: Yeah right, like this stupid plot about Bot being pregnant is more important than- wait Bot's pregnant?
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: Yeah.
Dan: Wow, congrats girl!
SpongeBot: Congrats for what? I hate it here.
[Laugh track.]
Zoltan: We must get the essential oils!
Jess: Which kind should we use? Balance? Energy? Horny?
Zoltan: Ooh there's a horny one now, let's go with that one.
Dan: Hey, that's the one I use!
[Laugh track because horny.]
Pluto: DAN!!!!!
Dan: Not now. I'm trying to get my dad banned from Meme World.
Jess: wait wut
Pluto: Hey I thought this was Full Server.
Jess: It is, I just like being random.
[Laugh track.]
Pluto: Wait, that wasn't even funny.
[Laugh track.]
Pluto: QUIT LAUGHING!
[Harder laugh track.]
Pluto: I'M TELLING MY MOM ON YOU CRACKHEAD LAUGH TRACKERS!!!
[No more laugh tracks because that joke went on for long enough. More transition music plays as we see more unnecessary shots, this time of people downtown. Does this have anything to do with the episode? No, but the audience applauds and cheers anyway. Cut to SpongeBot and Prim alone.]
Prim: Man, I'm excited for our baby to come. Even if it is a satanic red puppet asshole.
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: What's that supposed to mean?
Prim: I'm just saying we need to be prepared to love and respect this baby no matter what they turn out to be.
SpongeBot: That's not going to age well, is it?
Prim: Well, we can always grab the shotgun.
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: NO, no. I'm fine with what's gonna happen.
Prim: Just letting you know that murder is always the answer to all your problems.
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: That's both really good and really terrible advice.
Prim: So what should we do while we wait for the baby? It usually takes nine months for these things but the writers'll probably condense it down to like fifty lines of text.
SpongeBot: Well, we could always watch some Channel 5 shows.
Prim: Or we can play funny Nintendo games.
SpongeBot: We could do Gex night! I love Gex night!
Prim: We could read unfunny Garfielf strips.
SpongeBot: We could smoke crack and drink vodka.
[Laugh track.]
Prim: While continuing to bang? You know, it helps build the baby.
SpongeBot: Why not all of those things?
Prim: You're right. Unnecessary cut to Jess doing witch shit we go!
[Laugh track. Cut to Jess doing witch shit.]
Jess: Okay, uh, I forget how this spell goes. Abraca-ding-dong!
[A dick appears on her nose. Laugh track.]
Jess: Haha, very funny. Now where the hell's the spell to get rid of this thing?
[She quickly flips through her spellbook.]
Pluto: [walks in] Holy shit. Mom turned into Squidward!
Dan: [walks in] Can I have that spell? For scientific reasons?
[Laugh track.]
Jess: Dan, go play with the dick you've already been born with. I'm very busy.
Dan: Aw.
Purple: [Walks in] Danny, me and your father are going to Meme World Picture Sundays for the day. Anything you want from the gift shop?
Dan: The new 13-inch Life in Bikini Bottom Dildo!
[Laugh track.]
Purple: Dan, we already got that for you last Christmas. Also Life in Bikini Bottom is your show, right? So can't you make it yourself?
Dan: But this one is purple!
Purple: So am I but you don't see me talking about it.
[Laugh track.]
Dan: Please?!!
Norman: No means no mister. Me and your father have spent enough money on dildos.
[Laugh track.]
Jess: Does this show have any material other than haha sex jokes?
Everyone else: Shut up!
[Laugh track.]
Prim: Wait, where's Grandpa?
[Zoltan enters naked.]
Zoltan: WOOO-HOOO! Yippee-kay-aye motherfuckers. I'm going to a strip mall.
Dan: Take me with you!
[Laugh track, because sex.]
SpongeBot: I hate you, grandpa-in-law.
Zoltan: The feeling is mutual, my child.
SpongeBot: Oh god, the baby is coming.
Dan: Heh, coming, cumming.
Jess: Shut up, I literally have a dick on my nose.
Dan: Can it squirt mommy milk?
Jess: Can I slap you in the face for saying that?
Dan: Can you slap me with that nose of yours?
SpongeBot: I'M LITERALLY IN LABOR YOU HORNY WHORES!
[Laugh track.]
Prim: I… think we should go to the hospital.
Zoltan: NONSENSE! I'll get the baby out myself. They don't call me Dr. City for nothing.
SpongeBot: Exactly, because they never call you that.
[Zoltan takes out a chainsaw. Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: By the way, what's this show's age rating?
Prim: Rated G for Globalle- hey aren't you supposed to be giving birth?
SpongeBot: Oh yeah.
Zoltan: Okay, now hold still. This won't hurt a bit… I assume.
[Laugh track. More music plays as we see more unnecessary shots of outside scenery against cheers and applause. Cut back to the same room where Zoltan is carrying a baby towards SpongeBot and Prim.]
Zoltan: Look, it has a bigger dick than Dan.
[Laugh track.]
Dan: Nope.
Zoltan: I measured it, it's a whole inch bigger than yours.
Mr. Renaud: Can I measure it?
[Laugh track because pedophilia.]
Dan: Nope.
SpongeBot: You measured it with one of Dan's dildos.
Prim: Wait, you measured a baby's dick?
SpongeBot: Zoltan's six so I think we're okay.
Prim: I thought he was our grandpa.
Mr. Renaud: I LOVE THIS SHOW!
[Laugh track because pedophilia, again.]
Prim: Who let the pedo in again?
SpongeBot: All of us did, Prim. All of us.
Baby: Goo-goo gaa gaa motherfucker.
Prim: Oh man, his first word was “motherfucker”.
SpongeBot: (rolls eyes) I wonder where he learned it from.
Prim: I'm gonna rip a bong because I'm proud.
Zoltan: What are you gonna call the baby?
SpongeBot: Pai-
Prim: Elmo 2.
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: What happened to Elmo 1?
Dan: Prison.
[Laugh track. Cut to Lil Grizz (Elmo) in prison.]
Lil Grizz: Guess I was too gangsta for them coppers.
Police Officer: You're 12.
[Laugh track. Cut back.]
SpongeBot: The baby doesn't even look like Elmo.
Prim: It could if you believe.
[SpongeBot tries to believe.]
SpongeBot: I think I need more vodka.
Prim: I even called it back in the first couple of pages.
[Flashback]
Prim: Man, I'm excited for our baby to come. Even if it is a satanic red puppet asshole.
[Flashback ends]
Prim: Good times…
SpongeBot: YOU ASSHOLE!
[Laugh track.]
Prim: What did I-
SpongeBot: YOU FUCKING CURSED OUR BABY!
Prim: YOU WERE THE ONE THAT WENT TO A SATANIC MEETING!
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 loves everyone, but he especially loves Satan.
SpongeBot: You've never even MET the guy!
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 can see him… in his mind.
Zoltan: Why is this baby speaking hocus pocus?
Prim: Dark magic.
[Laugh track.]
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 likes the dark side.
SpongeBot: Where's that shotgun?
Prim: I think Elmo 2 has it.
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 loves the right to bear arms.
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: Now, now, Elmo 2, mommy wants you to put that shotgun down.
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 hates being talked to like a baby.
SpongeBot: Do you want me to talk to you like an adult, you fucking bitch?
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 says yes.
Prim: Why do I feel like something bad's going to happen?
SpongeBot: We literally have a satanic baby, of course something bad's gonna happen.
Dan: MY DICK IS CAUGHT IN A BEARTRAP!
[Laugh track.]
Prim: And he has a gun. I don't think anything good can come from that.
SpongeBot: If Elmo 1's taught us anything, it is certain nothing can.
Jess: It's a shame we're not the Kennedys.
[Haha sound because JFK.]
SpongeBot: ...what?
Jess: Because… nothing bad ever happens to… you know what, fuck it I'm off to get this dick off my nose. Good luck with the baby!
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 hates you.
[Laugh track. Jess walks off.]
Prim: So… what now?
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 is gonna go praise Satan.
SpongeBot: Wait, I think I have an idea. You know what Golfpecks says.
[Laugh track because funny penguin man.]
Prim: Oh god, we're bringing that guy into this show? He's a nutjob!
SpongeBot: Yeah but he can help convert Elmo 2 to Christianity!
Prim: That's not gonna happen.
SpongeBot: Would you rather our baby thing be a Satanist forever?
Prim: Well it's what we get for dealing with the Devil.
[Laugh track.]
Prim: Say, how did Elmo 2 form anyway? 
SpongeBot: You've played with Lego, right?
[Laugh track.]
Prim: Yeah, but like... how do Garfield and Rosalina make Elmo? How does cat + human = puppet?
SpongeBot: I hate you for making me think about Garfield and Rosalina babies.
Prim: You mean Garfalina babies.
SpongeBot: Don't you dare use ship names in front of me!
Prim: Titanic.
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: Very funny. So, should we go check on Elmo 2?
Prim: For all I know he's possessed our precious private parts.
SpongeBot: Maybe that's why my butt feels tingly.
Prim: No, that's because of anal sex.
[Laugh track because sex!]
[Elmo 2 is sitting on a shelf up high.]
Prim: Hey, Elmo 2, get down from there!
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 does not like being told what to do.
Prim: Well, Elmo 2's not gonna like death either.
Elmo 2: Actually, Elmo 2 enjoys death very much.
SpongeBot: Then die already.
[Laugh track.]
Prim: Put him in the freezer.
SpongeBot: Good thinking. Wait, we have to get him down first.
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 will never get down.
Prim: Hey, Elmo 2! Satan says he wants you to get down.
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 will now get down.
[Laugh track. Elmo 2 jumps down from the shelf.]
SpongeBot: Wow, that actually worked.
Prim: Satan is the answer to everything, my dear SpongeBot. And you wanted to convert him to Christianity.
SpongeBot: Don't tell me you're a satanist too.
Prim: Nah, it's kinda like catnip and cats. Speaking of catnip I'm craving some right now.
SpongeBot: Wait, are we PrimitiveSponge129 and SpongeBot678 from SBFW or are we Garfield from Garfield and Rosalina from Mario? I genuinely don't know at this point.
Prim: It'll probably change next time you get a new profile picture on Discord.
SpongeBot: If I change it to literally Satan what would happen then?
Prim: Don't try that for the love of all that is holy.
[Laugh track.]
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 is waiting for Satan's orders.
Prim: Oh, right. Satan says… go in the freezer.
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 hates the cold, but if Satan says so.
[Elmo 2 wanders off into a nearby freezer.]
Prim: Honestly almost forgot we had a freezer.
SpongeBot: I use it when Zoltan starts complaining about Friends. Must say, it works like a charm.
[Laugh track.]
Elmo 2: How long must Elmo 2 stay in the freezer for?
Prim: For as long as it takes, my child. As long as it takes.
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 doesn't want to take your word for it. Elmo 2 wants Satan's words.
[Purple walks in.]
Purple: Hello famil-oh holy shit. What the hell is that?
Prim: That? You're calling my child a that?! That's the nicest thing someone has said to him today.
[Laugh track.]
Purple: That’s not a child, that’s a hellspawn.
Elmo 2: Elmo 2 will now get out of the freezer.
SpongeBot: That’s it.
[She gets out her bong, and lights it up.]
Prim: Wait, hold on a second, Bot.
SpongeBot: I deserve it. I carried a fucking hellspawn for 22 minutes. Plus, I need to rip the bong.
Prim: I think this bong is the key to our freedom.
SpongeBot: Are you thinking about setting our child on fire? If so I’m in.
[Laugh track. Jess walks in.]
Jess: Hey everyone, I fixed the dick on my nose.
Prim: Shit, I was just starting to get used to it.
[Dan then walks in.]
Dan: Fellas! FELLAS! I am so horny!
[Laugh track.]
Prim: Not the time to fap to Lola Bunny, Dan. We know how to kill the reincarnation of Satan.
Dan: EDP445?
[Laugh track because Renaud.]
Prim: Like his pyramid dick could kill that thing.
SpongeBot: Why are we having this conversation?
Prim: You know, it could be much, much worse.
[Pluto walks across the screen.]
Pluto: Mega lesbian moment. 7.5/10. Owl House is good now.
SpongeBot: Hey, I’M supposed to be the one that’s high.
[Laugh track.]
Prim: Hey does anyone have anything I can set Bot’s bong on fire?
SpongeBot: Why the hell would someone wanna set my bong on fire? Anyway, here's a blowtorch.
[Laugh track.]
[She gives a blowtorch to Prim.]
[Zoltan walks in.]
Zoltan: It’s 4 o’ clock. Time for my daily- OH HOLY FUCK! What are you doing to my great grandchild?
Prim: Uhh… Satan told him to.
Zoltan: oh ok- WAIT WHAT
[Laugh track.]
Zoltan: I TOLD YOU NO HOCUS POCUS HIBBA GIBBA IN MY CHRISTIAN HOUSEHOLD!
Prim: IT’S IMPORTANT, OK? WE GOTTA KILL THE SPAWN OF HELL!
Zoltan: oh ok.
Prim: Time to turn this torch on.
[Prim turns on the blowtorch and fucking burns Elmo 2, who is now just a pile of ashes.]
Prim: Yay, we killed our child! That sounds bad out of context.
SpongeBot: It also sounds bad IN context.
[Laugh track.]
Prim: Well, at least that satanist red bitch is no more.
SpongeBot: Well, now what do we do?
Prim: Wanna build another baby?
SpongeBot: Sure. Just lemme smoke these MP3 files first.
[Laugh track. Applause. More pointless transitions as we cut to the main room again. Zoltan is drinking orange juice.]
Zoltan: ahh, thats the good shit right there
[Prim and SpongeBot walk in.]
Prim: Bot's pregnant again.
[Zoltan spits out his drink. Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: Cleanup on aisle Zoltan.
Zoltan: I will disown you one of these days.
[Laugh track. Zoltan gets out a mop and starts cleaning up the mess he made. Roll credits.]
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