Who Shot Suzy Sheep?: Part One

Who Shot Suzy Sheep?: Part One is the fourth episode of The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show. It was released on January 21, 2022 and was written by thatjess.
== Transcript ==
[We see a shot of Downtown Bikini Bottom. Two male police fish are racing down the streets in their police car, chasing a decrepit crimson van. Their police siren can be heard loudly blasting.]
Police Fish #1: Wooo! This is tense, I’m sweating a little, are you sweating?
Police Fish #2: I know, we’ve almost caught him. We just need to stay focused, Eric, we just need to stay focused…
[The police car follows the van pass a red light, and then through a left turn, then a right turn, before abandoning the chase entirely. The police car goes to the left, while the crimson van does another right.]
Police Fish #1: Don’t run away, don’t run away.
Police Fish #2: We’re so close!
[The police car speeds down to the Bikini Bottom park, where the car promptly parks and the two officers run out excitedly. The first officer takes his phone and starts playing Pokémon Go.]
Police Fish #1: Holy crap man, this thing is fighting the crap out of me!
Police Fish #2: Keep trying, keep trying! Ultra ball it!
[Pokeball capture sounds can be heard.]
Police Fish #2: HOLY CRAP! FINALLY!
Police Fish #1: WE CAUGHT A TOGETIC!
[The two officers high-five, and rush back to the police car laughing.]
Police Fish #1: That was great, that was great, Louis.
Police Fish #2: Fuck yeah it was! Let’s head over to 7-Eleven and then, heh, we should probably get back to the station.
Police Fish #1: Heh, yeah.
[The police car backs up and drives off. Cut to the exterior shot of the Peppa Pig World police station. Mummy Sheep is inside talking to the receptionist.]
Mummy Sheep: I just- …I… (sighs) Are you really sure you haven’t found anything by now?
Miss Rabbit: (as the receptionist) Look, I’m sorry Mummy Sheep but we really are trying our best here.
Mummy Sheep: It’s just that… it’s just… (sighs) my darling daughter Suzy was found dead TWO whole months ago, and we still have no idea what happened! Surely we would have some clues! 
Miss Rabbit: (sighs) I know, Mummy Sheep, but I can assure you that we have a lot on our plates right now. And with the Granolavirus and everything that’s going around right now, it’s even harder than usual.
Mummy Sheep: But there’s a child that was murdered! Is that not important enough to you? I mean, what the hell else could you lot be doing?
[The two police fish burst in.]
Police Fish #1: WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! YEAHHHHHH BABY!!!
Police Fish #2: GUESS WHO JUST CAUGHT A BRAND NEW POKEMON?!!! THESE GUYS! THAT’S WHO!
[Pause.]
Miss Rabbit: (nervously laughs) Heh, heh-heh. If- if- if you’d like to take a seat please I’ll get someone to speak with you shortly.
Mummy Sheep: (groans) Alright…
[Mummy Sheep walks away from the desk and sits down on a plastic bench. She looks down to a rack of newspapers, and picks up the latest copy of the “Peppa Pig World Times”. The front page headline is something about Boris Johnson throwing a party in the middle of a pandemic. Mummy Sheep opens the paper and is greeted by the adverts section. She notices an ad in the bottom left corner featuring Mr. Potato, local celebrity and host of The Mr. Potato Show, wearing a detective hat.]
Mummy Sheep: …hmmmm………..
[Bubble transition to the exterior of Mummy Sheep’s house. Daddy Pig is cycling up the hill on SpongeBob’s unicycle. Daddy Pig is visibly exhausted.]
Narrator: Daddy Pig has come to visit Mummy Sheep on his way back home from work. Since Mummy Pig kicked him out, Daddy Pig hasn’t had a car.
[Daddy Pig reaches Mummy Sheep’s house, and hops off the unicycle and rings the Ring Doorbell. Mummy Sheep answers.]
Mummy Sheep: Oh! Um… hey, Daddy Pig.
Daddy Pig: Hello Mummy Sheep! I’m sorry, is this a bad time?
Mummy Sheep: Um… no, no, it’s fine. I’m just in the middle of something.
Daddy Pig: Oh, alright. I noticed I was overdue on my OnlyFans payments to you and thought I’d just quickly pop over to pay you myself.
[Mr. Potato comes to the door from the inside of the house.]
Mr. Potato: I didn’t know you had an OnlyFans, Mummy Sheep.
Narrator: Oh dear. Mummy Sheep has been outed as a sex worker.
Daddy Pig: Yes! And it’s a very good one too! She’s in the top 0.1%! Wait, aren’t you… GAH! You’re Mr. Potato! What the bloody hell are you doing here?!
Mummy Sheep: Well, um… Mr. Potato’s just here to-
Daddy Pig: You’re cheating on me with this wanker, aren’t you Mummy Sheep?!
Mummy Sheep: Well you cheated on Mummy Pig with me first!
Daddy Pig: How could you? I thought we were friends! You know how much it hurt when that bastard publicly humiliated me on national television! He said I had a big tummy!
Narrator: Daddy Pig doesn’t like it when people say he has a big tummy.
Mummy Sheep: No, no! You see, I can explain. We’re not dating! Mr. Potato is here to help find out who killed Suzy Sheep.
[Pause. Daddy Pig’s face turns red with embarrassment.]
Daddy Pig: Oh… I- I’m so sorry Mr. Potato. I’ll be going now.
Mr. Potato: No, no, it’s quite alright Daddy Pig. In fact, you can stay! The more people to help with this investigation the better, right?
Daddy Pig: Oh, okay…
[Mummy Sheep leads the two into the kitchen, where they sit at the table. Mr. Potato puts on his detective hat and takes out a notepad.]
Daddy Pig: So, what first, Mr. Potato?
Mr. Potato: That’s Detective Potato to you, Daddy Pig! First, I just need to ask Mummy Sheep some questions…
Narrator: It’s time for Detective Potato’s detective work to begin!
Detective Potato: Now, Mummy Sheep, when exactly did Suzy Sheep die?
Mummy Sheep: Umm… I believe it was November 17, 2021 at 9:15 am.
Detective Potato: (takes notes) Interesting… now, I know this may be hard for you, but could you please describe what happened on the day of the crime?
Mummy Sheep: Well… (grabs a box of tissues from the counter) I’ll try…
[Flashback to the day of Suzy Sheep’s tragic death. Mummy Sheep is in bed.]
Mummy Sheep: (narrating) It was a Wednesday. Suzy was off school because of an appointment with Dr. Brown Bear that morning. And I had just had a long night doing an OnlyFans shoot, so I had overslept when suddenly-
[A loud gunshot is heard, along with the scream of a child. Mummy Sheep’s eyes shoot open, and she darts out of bed into Suzy Sheep’s room.]
Mummy Sheep: (narrating, tearfully) Suzy Sheep was- (wipes eyes and blows nose) Suzy Sheep was dead on the floor, not a gun in sight.
[Mummy Sheep looks over to Suzy’s window. It is open. She runs over and looks out of it.]
Mummy Sheep: (narrating) It couldn’t have been suicide. I ran over to her open window and got there in just enough time to see a black van drive off.
[Cut back to the present day, with the three sat at the table. Mummy Sheep’s face is full of tears.]
Mummy Sheep: I… I do not know if they killed Suzy Sheep, but at the time I couldn’t care. All I could care was that my darling only child, lesbian icon and inspiration to many, Suzy Sheep, was dead.
[Pause.]
Daddy Pig: I am so sorry, Mummy Sheep.
Mummy Sheep: It’s okay. 
Detective Potato: (taking notes) Damn. And since this happened the police haven’t found anything out? All cops really are bastards.
[The words “Polar Incorporated, Coral Blue Productions and Box Productions Inc. would like to clarify that all thoughts and opinions expressed in this program do not reflect the actual feelings of our companies.” scroll across the screen.]
Detective Potato: You didn’t happen to catch the licence plate of this van, did you Mummy Sheep?
Mummy Sheep: No, I’m afraid not.
Detective Potato: I see… (makes more notes) Welp, I really do not have much to work with here.
Mummy Sheep: (sighs) I knew it… I knew you wouldn’t be any help.
Detective Potato: No, no, Mummy Sheep. The investigation must go on! I would first like to interrogate my first suspect… DADDY PIG!
Daddy Pig: WHAT?!!!
Detective Potato: Daddy Pig, did you shoot Suzy Sheep?
Daddy Pig: WHY THE BLOODY HELL WOULD I HAVE FUCKING SHOT SUZY SHEEP?!!
Narrator: Daddy Pig is acting hella sus right now.
Mummy Sheep: Daddy Pig couldn’t have killed Suzy Sheep! He’s my friend!
Daddy Pig: THANK YOU, MUMMY SHEEP! Besides, I have an alibi! Wednesday November 17th, you say? I would have been at the office, doing some very important paperwork.
Detective Potato: And where do you work, Daddy Pig?
Daddy Pig: I am a structural engineer.
Detective Potato: (spits his drink out) NO YOU’RE FUCKING NOT!
Daddy Pig: Yes I am!
Detective Potato: (sighs) Alright… I guess we can safely conclude that Daddy Pig did not shoot Suzy Sheep. …unless he hid her in his big tummy, am I right?
[Detective Potato and Mummy Sheep laugh at Daddy Pig’s tummy.]
Detective Potato: Okay, I guess it’s to move on to our second suspect… Mummy Sheep, did you shoot Suzy Sheep?
Mummy Sheep: Why would I have shot Suzy Sheep? I am her mother! Do you know how hard it is to be a single mother? And a single vegan mother at that? Like, as a vegan there’s just so much that I can’t eat! Have you seen how expensive vegan lamb chops are? Oh my God I love lamb chops, but I can’t fucking eat them because I’m vegan!
Detective Potato: Okay… I can see that Mummy Sheep did not kill Suzy Sheep. (makes notes) 
Daddy Pig: So… what now?
Detective Potato: It’s time for suspect number three. Narrator, did you kill Suzy Sheep?
Narrator: Detective Potato is accusing me of killing Suzy Sheep?
[Pause.]
Mummy Sheep: I- I don’t think he can speak for himself. He just repeats things that happen.
Narrator: Mummy Sheep explains that I have no free will.
Detective Potato: Okay…. I’ll put the narrator down as a maybe. Now, is there anyone else in this room that could have shot Suzy Sheep?
Daddy Pig: Er…. I don’t think so.
Detective Potato: Oh God this investigation is gonna be harder than I thought.
Mummy Sheep: So what are we supposed to do now?
Detective Potato: Well… besides the narrator, it looks like our only lead right now is that van. 
Daddy Pig: But… but how are we supposed to track that?!
Mummy Sheep: (gasps) The Ring Doorbell! It’s so obvious, why didn’t I think of this before?!
[Mummy Sheep runs off to get her smartphone, and checks the doorbell footage for November 17th. She fast-forwards to 9:15 am and zooms in on the black van.]
Mummy Sheep: C-R-0-I E-W-T! The licence plate is C-R-0-I E-W-T!
Detective Potato: (looking on his phone) Huh… the car seems to be registered… somewhere between Bikini Bottom and Peppa Pig World.
Daddy Pig: …well that narrows it down a little bit.
Detective Potato: (taking notes) Interesting… does the doorbell footage show who got out of the car?
Mummy Sheep: I… I don’t think so, I’m sorry. I can’t really make anyone out!
Detective Potato: If only there were a massive network of cameras set up all over town so we could find out where the car went…
[Pause.]
Mummy Sheep: Yeah, it’s a shame we don’t have anything like that…
[Pause.]
Daddy Pig: Yeah…
[Pause.]
Daddy Pig: Wait! What about the CCTV?
Detective Potato: What’s “CCTV”? Is that like an NFT?
Daddy Pig: No, no, it means “closed-circuit television camera”.
Narrator: A closed-circuit television camera can produce images or recordings for surveillance or other private purposes.
Detective Potato: I see… Luckily I am a licensed detective, getting access to the STD cameras should be easy!
Daddy Pig: They’re um, called CCTV.
Detective Potato: Whatever you want to call them.
Mummy Sheep: Wait a second… give me your phone, Mr. Potato.
Detective Potato: That’s Detec-
Mummy Sheep: Just give me your phone.
Detective Potato: Well alright, there’s no rush! It’s not like anyone’s died or anything!
[Detective Potato passes Mummy Sheep his phone. She scrolls for a few seconds.]
Mummy Sheep: (gasps) I think I know who that black van belongs to!
Detective Potato: So?
[Mummy Sheep puts the phone down.]
Mummy Sheep: …I know who shot Suzy Sheep.
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