Meat Thief

"May the Lord bless this wonderful dinner. Amen." my family said in prayer at the dining room table. "I don't know what you did to the turkey this time around, but it's the best damn turkey I've ever had!" Uncle Warren said to my wife Martha before nibbling on the meat bone. "I'm sure the turkey was a gift from God himself!" Grandpa Dick said. "To a higher power, sacrifice is the highest form of flattery!" Aunt Dona said before taking a bite of the turkey. 
"You know, it doesn't taste like turkey to me. Nor steak, nor chops..." I said. "Could be the flesh of one of those Wendigo creatures. Those bastards have been killin' my live stock since the 80s." Uncle Waren said. Martha shook her head and laughed. "To tell you the truth, I have no clue what it is. I just cooked what I had in the freezer since all the turkeys around here were sold out." she said. "Must be nice having a wife that cooks and cleans while you go drain the blood out of corpses all day!" Grandpa Dick said. to me "They don't call you dick for nothin', gramps." I joked. The table erupted with mild laughter. 
Thanksgiving is that weird time of year where you meet up with your relatives you normally only see once a year. And that time is usually Thanksgiving. It's also that day of the year where seven different family members say "we need to do so-and-so sometime" and then never do it. Regardless, it's a nice holiday to catch up with all your folks that might pass soon. Well, I've been thinking that about Gramps for the past decade and he's still here. I'm convinced that dick is gonna live forever at this point. The family devoured the rest of the blessed meal, did a little more casual conversations,, and they were on their merry way. Soon as they left I grabbed a sponge and started doing the dishes. "Call me turkey, because I'm stuffed! That was some of the best ever... Whatever it was." I said to Martha. "Ha, thanks dear." "It was probably some rare bird Warren killed. Remember a couple years back when Aunt Dona gave us those meats for Christmas? You might've grabbed one of those." "Maybe, maybe not." she said.
"You're the most evil person on this Earth. I hate you and hope you die." a hero said to the villain on some cheesy TV show. I shut off the TV and headed out the door for work. The 10 AM morning sun washed over the neighborhood as I opened the door. "Brr, extra chilly out today." I said to myself As I was walking down the steps to the driveway, a dirty old car only a crazy person were drive pulled in. It was Uncle Warren. "Sorry to bother ya nephew, bu you got leftovers?" he said pulling down the window. "Leftovers?" I questioned. "Yeah! That 'turkey' Martha served last night was mighty delicious!" "Sorry Warren, but you guys ate it all. But it wasn't turkey I'll tell you that.." "Oh I believe you! Well next time you get some more of that mysterious meat give us a call... We'll come over and eat it all 'till the cows come home!" he said before driving off. Well that's a record. I saw Uncle Warren twice this year instead of the usual one. But it's odd, who shows up to someone's house again 14 hours later for leftovers? I knew Martha outdid her self, but damn. 
"You're not gonna believe this one, Tom. His face hardly looks human!" My co-worker George said to me as we were walking down the hall. "Car accident?" "No, worse. On Thanksgiving his psycho cousin took a sledge hammer and smashed his face in several times. It's gnarly." he said. "What would drive a man to do this to another human?" I wondered aloud. "Police say it was over a turkey leg." George said. "Oh. I thought it would be over politics." I headed in the room where Mr. Sludge's body was laying. I licked my lips and slowly approached his neck. I then started draining all the blood out of his body with a tube. Maybe this is why my wife calls me a medical vampire. "We're gonna have to touch up the face too. The family wants an open casket showing!" George announced. "You gotta be kidding me!" "No amount of make-up and plastic is gonna make that face look human again... But we need to try our best." he said. 
I walked in the morgue and pulled out a body of a recently deceased burn victim. We had to sever his arms off a week ago due to the severe burns. I pushed the body on the gurney to the adjacent room. "You still got those arms at your place?" my co-worker asked. "Yeah I do." "We're gonna need those parts tomorrow. The hands on Mr. Sludge are really messed up from the beating, so I think we should cut them off then sow on the burn victim's hands onto Sludge's arms. We can touch up those burnt hands with make-up easily." George said. "Man, he's gonna look like such a freak show when we're done. I can actually stop by my house real quick and grab 'em since it's only a few minutes away." I said. "Sure, go ahead." I stepped out outside, being assaulted by the chilly winds. It was 5 PM so it had already hit dusk. I got in my car and backed out while making sure I didn't run over the stray dog that roams around here. Minutes later the yellow headlights of the car shined in the driveway as I pulled into the garage. 
I stepped out of the car opened the cooling unit on the side garage. I didn't see the arms in there immediately, so I began rummaging through the ice. They... weren't there. I barged into the kitchen and saw my wife making dinner. "Home so early?" "Honey, where are the severed arms?" She stopped stirring a big pot and the stove and gave me a confused look. "What are you talking about, Tom?" "The arms! The burnt arms I brought home when the freezer at the morgue went out, where are they? Did I not tell you?" She paused for a moment. "Wait, those were severed arms? I put them in the freezer thinking they were something else." she said. "Hun, please don't tell me you cooked them for Thanksgiving." Martha went to the freezer and pulled out a stuffed plastic bag with decomposing fingers hanging out of them. "These?" she said holding them. I grabbed my heart and let out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank goodness! For a second I thought we ate Mr. Sludge's hands for dinner." I grabbed the bag and ran back to the car, heading back to work in a jiffy. The thought of my wife cooking parts of a corpse from the morgue was one of the most terrifying thoughts I ever had. 
As I walked in the morgue, I noticed our boss was in the room. "Phew! Here they are, George." I said dropping the bag of Mr. Sludge's arms on the table. But the boss was too busy talking to George to notice what I just did. "What's the matter?" I asked. "Someone stole a decapitated head out of the freezer. This is the second night in a row where something like this has happened." the boss said. "What kind of sicko steals corpse parts in the middle of the night?" I said followed by a laugh. George got up and rummaged through the arm bag. "You wouldn't believe it, for a second I thought my wife cooked them for Thanksgiving dinner! Hah! Can you believe that?" "Tom, is this some kind of sick joke?" George asked with a raised eyebrow and a red glare in his eye from the light overhead. "Haha, nope! I actually thought that." "No, Tom. This!" George said fully opening the bag. The hands... they were missing fingers and they clearly didn't belong to Mr. Sludge. 
It took me a few seconds to process it, but when I finally did, I felt my heart collapse into my stomach. George looked at me like I committed a murder. "Looks like you're sicko. I'm calling the police." the boss said. "W-what? I... I don't know how this happened, I only took Sludge's arms home like you said!" I cried. But I knew it wouldn't do any good, so I hopped back in my car and backed out of there as fast as I could. BUMP! Oh gosh I hope I didn't run over the dog! I drove back home with the absolute worse feeling in my stomach. I pulled over to the side of the road and threw up. I've been framed and my wife... she's the one. 
I stumbled into the house. There was laughter and commotion from the dining room. The dining room table was full of plates with cooked meat and our relatives were there. "Joining us for seconds, Tom?" Martha said before lifting the plate lid, revealing a cooked decapitated head.
Category:Thanksgiving
Category:Cannibals
Category:Morgues