Apparent War

This is the fourth episode of Into the Spongyverse.
==Transcript==
(The episode begins with GrandPat eating pancakes at the table)
GrandPat: D’oh, these pancakes are missing maple syrup! Why in the world do we not have maple syrup in this house?
TPSS Patrick: (burps) Oh, um, sorry.
GrandPat: (raising fist) Why you little-!
Cecil: GrandPat, be nice to the kid. He’s too young to go to the hospital. Besides, we don’t have health insurance.
GrandPat: Oh, back in my day, we didn’t need hospitals or stupid health insurance. We just needed our own wits to survive.
TPSS Patrick: Well, I’m going off to Patrick’s house.
GrandPat: Patrick’s house? But you’re Patrick!
Bunny: He means the ‘’other’’ Patrick.
TPSS Patrick: That’s right, the other me. Well, toodles! (leaves)
GrandPat: I will never understand this universe. Why are there more than one person named Patrick?
Bunny: Give me a break, I’m named after an animal!
(Bubble transition to TPSS Patrick knocking on Patrick’s rock. Patrick opens up his rock and lets him in)
Patrick: So, what brings you here?
TPSS Patrick: Got tired of my parents. They’re a real nuisance.
Patrick: Can’t be as bad as my parents. They keep forgetting I even exist.
TPSS Patrick: So do mine!
Patrick: (laughs) I guess we have something in common, then.
(A lightbulb enters Patrick’s crotch, and he promptly takes it out and puts it on top of his head)
Patrick: I got an idea! What if we had… a parent war?
TPSS Patrick: I like the way you think, Patrick!
Patrick: Thanks, Patrick, you too.
TPSS Patrick: Well, let’s hop to it!
Patrick: But it isn’t Easter.
(Cut to the writing room, where the calendar shows it’s April 17. Cut back to the show)
Patrick: Never mind then. Let’s just do this.
(Bubble transition to a giant stage near the Star house, where Squidina is preparing for the big event)
Squidina: This is a great idea for your show, Patrick. It’ll be a hit! The biggest crossover event since… umm… well… I don’t know.
TPSS Patrick: Well it wasn’t really my idea, it was Patrick’s.
(Squidina stares at him, confused)
Squidina: Anyway, the show starts soon. Get ready for a parent-off!
TPSS Patrick: Oh, I’m ready! Are you ready, Patrick?
(silence)
TPSS Patrick: Patrick?
(Pan over to Patrick snoring on the ground)
Squidina: (slapping Patrick) NO SLEEPING ON THE JOB!
Patrick: What? Huh? What happen?
Squidina: The show starts… (looks at watch) now!
(Theme song music plays at the scene cuts to the stage, where Patrick’s family is on one side, and TPSS Patrick’s family is on the other)
GrandPat: Wait, what am I doing here?
Bunny: Are you even Patrick’s grandpa?
GrandPat: (shrugs)
Herb: We’re taking you down! Nicely, of course.
Cecil: I like the way this guy speaks.
Squidina: Alright guys enough talk, the contest starts in 3… 2… 1… GO!
(Cheap confetti falls from the stage)
Cecil: Honey, you know I'm allergic to confetti! (sneezes)
Margie: So, uhh… what do we do exactly?
Squidina: We do a set of three challenges. The first challenge… is to endure a bathtub of sea spiders!
GrandPat: Ha! That’s nothin’! Back in ‘nam-
Cecil: Alright, GrandPat, I think we get it. You’re strong.
GrandPat: Indeed I am!
Margie: Little do they know, I was in Girl Scouts for three whole years! That must mean I’m strong, right?
Herb: That you are, honey.
(Squidina uses a giant crane to carry two bathtubs full of sea spiders next to the stage)
Squidina: Alright, everyone… begin! (blows whistle, and the families hesitantly jump into their respective bathtubs)
GrandPat: Ha! Stupid sea spiders can’t touch me!
(A sea spider lands on his shoulder, and he screams like a woman)
Cecil: Everything okay, GrandPat?
GrandPat: (lying) Oh, everything is peaches and roses and stuff. No need to worry about me.
Cecil: Good, because Squidina’s going to dump some more spiders in the tub.
GrandPat: WHAT? (jumps out of the bathtub) That’s it, I’m outta here!
Squidina: (hits a buzzer) And GrandPat is out!
Herb: Welp I'm outta here. (hops out of the bathtub)
Margie: Why are you getting out? The challenge isn't over yet!
Herb: I just remembered I have a son and want to say hi to him.
Margie: Oh okay understandable. I'm getting out too. (hops out of the bathtub)
Squidina: (hits the buzzer twice) Wow, you guys are pathetic. And the Patrick Show family wins round one!
(The Patrick Star Show family cheers)
Squidina: Now then, it's time for round two.
Cecil: Oh boy what is it this time? Cake eating contest? Farting contest?
Squidina: You're disgusting. Anyway, it's an eel charming contest!
Herb: E-e-eels?! (shivers)
Margie: It’s okay, honey, it’ll be okay.
Squidina: Wusses. Anyway, the first family to charm the eel wins. Ready, set… GO! (blows whistle)
Cecil: Okay, uhh… this can’t be ‘’that’’ hard, can it?
GrandPat: Back in my day-
(Cecil puts duct tape over GrandPat’s mouth)
Cecil: No more, I’m getting tired of the “back in my day” schtick you always do.
Bunny: People always say I’m charming, so this should be easy peasy. C’mere, eely eely.
Cecil: Oh, so it’s like a pet. That makes it way easier. Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?
(Ouchie comes out of the house and licks Cecil’s face)
Cecil: No! (laughing) No! Not you, Ouchie! Stay inside!
(Ouchie goes back into the house. The eel is unfazed)
Bunny: C’mon, eely eely, come to mama!
Cecil: And papa!
Margie: No, come to your real mama!
Herb: Come to real papa!
(The two pairs of parents keep coaxing the eel, but the eel is not budging and instead zaps GrandPat)
GrandPat: YEEEEOUCH! That stings!
Squidina: (sighs) This is getting ridiculous. I thought there would’ve been a winner by now-
(As she is saying this, the eel starts to approach Bunny)
Bunny: Tsk tsk tsk! Tsk tsk tsk!
Cecil: Honey, I think it’s working!
(The eel eventually comes over to Bunny to rub her face. The audience awws, but then the eel zaps her right in the face)
Bunny: T-tough love, it seems.
Squidina: And we have a winner! The Patrick Show family also wins round two!
GrandPat: (spitting out the duct tape) Wait a second! Doesn’t this mean we win?
Margie: Now hold on, gramps, there’s still one more round-
Squidina: It’s a three-round game, and seeing how the Patrick Show family have already won two of them, they win!
(Herb and Margie sigh in disappointment as the other party celebrates. Cheap confetti rains from the ceiling)
Herb: Let’s check to see how our son is doing.
Margie: Yeah, I bet he’s eating the couch cushions again… naked. (shudders)
(The parents leave; fade to black, but then cut to the three Sandys in their treedome)
Sandy: Alright, y'all, we need to find out where that gosh darn rift came from.
TPSS Sandy: Darn tootin’. But how are we going to do that?
Sandy: (points up to the sky) By going straight to the source.
Young Sandy: Are you guys sure this is a good idea? What if we get hurt, or a monster comes out to bite us?
(The other two Sandys laugh)
Sandy: Oh, young me, you're such a card. Come on, let's get out there and do something.
(Bubble transition to the trio setting up an extremely tall ladder up in the sky)
Sandy: There. That should be tall enough to see what's going on.
TPSS Sandy: Well what are we waiting for? Let's climb this darn thing!
(The Sandys try to climb the giant ladder, but it falls over, crushing a civilian)
Fred: My leg!
Sandy: That has to be on purpose at this point. (sigh) Let's try something else.
(The episode ends as it fades to black)
Category:Transcripts
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Episodes
Category:2022
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:2020s