Bowery Bugs/Transcript

Transcript of the 1949 cartoon Bowery Bugs.
(The cartoon opens up with a shot of the bridge)
Bugs Bunny: This is the famous Brooklyn Bridge. 133 feet high, 1,500 feet long. Contains hundreds of miles of cable. From it, Steve Brody made his sensational leap into the East River.
Old Man: (chuckling) What in tarnation did he do that for?
Bugs Bunny: I'm glad you asked that, friend. It happened in 1886, when Steve Brody had a terrific run of luck...
Bugs Bunny: (chuckles) ... all bad! Then one day, an idea - he needed a good luck charm. But what? Right, a rabbit's foot! But where to find a rabbit in the big city? Nope, nowhere. He must go back to the woods, to the forest primeval, to Flatbush. And there he found the object of his search: a rabbit.
(At this point, the story begins and everything is animated.)
(Steve approaches a rabbit hole and the rabbit is shown singing as Steve pulls him out. The rabbit turns out to be Bugs Bunny, who Steve attempts to stab with his knife as Bugs is singing. Before Steve can stab, Bugs says his famous catchphrase.) 
Bugs Bunny: Eh, what's up, Doc?
Steve Brody: Sorry, Mac. Me luck's run out, and I gotta have a good luck charm - and you're it!
Bugs Bunny: Now wait a minute, Doc. Let's not be hasty. Rabbit's feet ain't lucky.
Steve Brody: No?
Bugs Bunny: No, look at the life rabbits lead. Dogs, hunters, hasenpfeffer... these rabbit's feet never brought me any luck. But you need help, doc. Here's just the guy to give it to you.
(Steve reads the card that Bugs gives him)
Steve Brody: Hmm, okay. But if my luck doesn't change, I'm coming back to get ya.
(Fade to the Swammi)
Bugs Bunny: Enter, O seeker of knowledge.
(a sandbag swings down and hits Brody in the head)
Bugs Bunny: That's you, fathead! Eh, what's on your mind, doc?
Steve Brody: Well, swammi. I've had nothing but bad luck for...
Bugs Bunny: (interrupts) Say no more. Leave us get to the case. Now you want your palm read?
Steve Brody: Okay.
(Bugs paints his palm red)
Bugs Bunny: How about reading the bumps on your head?
Steve Brody: I ain't got no bumps on me head.
(Bugs gives him bumps with a mallet)
Bugs Bunny: Now ya have. Eh, let's see now.
(Steve attempts to stab Bugs)
Bugs Bunny: Hold it, doc. This might change your luck.
(Bugs shuffles a deck of cards then puts them all on the table)
Bugs Bunny: Hmm, the cards say you got a meeting coming up with a handsome gent wearing a carnation. Now keep him with you at all times. (Bugs drops Steve's knife on the floor) Never let him go. He's your mascot. Mr. Good Luck himself.
(Fade to Steve)
Steve Brody: Oh boy.
(Walks by Bugs)
Steve Brody: Hey you! What kind of flower is that?
Bugs Bunny: It's a carnation doc! Why?
Steve Brody: Come on! You're me mascot see? You've got to influence these dice.
(Inside the pool hall Bugs shakes the dice during a card game using a variety of nonsensical yammering)
Steve Brody: Hey I lost.
Bugs Bunny: Well even us mascots have got to warm up a little. Here on these I'm practically invaluable.
(Bugs pulls the lever on the one armed bandit after which it shoots out lemons)
Steve Brody: You ain't no luck charm you!
Short Bartender: At it again eh Brody. I'll have to call the bouncer. Hey Gorilla!
(a snarling gorilla pushes his way out the door and proceeds to throw Steve out)
(a lot of thumping is heard from the outside of the bar. Steve Brody is thrown out of the bar in a heap on the curb. A dog walks past Brody and decides to kiss him but instead the dog walks off in disgust)
(fade back to the Swammi)
Steve Brody: I done what the cards said. And look what happened.
Bugs Bunny: Please doc, I'm in a transom.
Bugs Bunny: Here's your answer: the stars. When was you born?
Steve Brody: I don't remember; I was pretty young then.
Bugs Bunny: Never mind.
(Spins astrological chart like a roulette)
Bugs Bunny: Round and round she goes, there's a winner every time! Watch your numbers, please. And it stops on Lobo, the sign of the wolf. There's the answer. Unlucky at cards? You must be lucky in love. Ooh, you kid! 23 skidoo! Chicken inspector!
Steve Brody: (sheepishly) Oh, gosh...
Bugs Bunny: You should strive for "l'amour", as we swammis say. Now go on out and knock 'em dead!
(Dissolve to the street)
Steve Brody: (What looks like a woman drops her handkerchief on the ground. Steve Brody picks it up) Ahem!
Bugs Bunny: Oh you masher! Cad! Ruffian! HELP! POLICE!
(a police officer clubs Steve Brody on the head)
Steve Brody: Ya savy swammi. I'm gonna mobilize you!
Bugs Bunny: Wait doc, wait. Just why do you want your luck changed?
Steve Brody: So I can get me hands on some dough.
Bugs Bunny: Well, why didn't you say so? The crystal ball can make you a genuine sure-shot over.
(Paper comes out of the ball)
Bugs Bunny: Uh, one moment. Coming through now. Ah, go to 29 River Street. That's it, 29 River Street.
(Dissolve to bakery)
(Steve arrives at the Bakery)
Steve Brody: Okay, (pointing a gun) I know you've got a mess of dough here. Let me have it! 
(Steve runs onto the belt when he points the gun)
Bugs Bunny: If you insist. Grandma's Happy Home Bakery is glad to oblige.
(Bugs drops a mess of dough on top of Steve Brody's head and he bakes in the oven and comes out looking like a pie)
Bugs Bunny: (unmasks himself and laughs) What a Tarara Goon Dee Ay. (laughs again)
Steve Brody: Hey, I know you. You're that rabbit that sent me... That sent me? Oh no, it couldn't be.
(Steve runs out to retrace his footsteps and finds all of Bugs' disguises)
Bugs Bunny: (disguised as the lady) What's up, doc?
Bugs Bunny: (disguised as the man who gambled) What's up, doc?
Bugs Bunny: (disguised as the Swammi) Eh, Wha...
Steve Brody: (interrupts) Ah, don't tell me. I know. What's up doc? Rabbits! Everybody's a rabbit. Aw, come on Brody. Get a hold of yourself. You ain't a rabbit.
(Steve looks in the "mirror" and sees Bugs' "reflection". He then freaks and bounces out. Bugs pops out and laughs.)
(Steve bounces on the street yelling Bugs' catchphrase)
Steve Brody: What's up doc? (3x)
Steve Brody: Please officer! You've gotta help me. I'm flipping me lid. Everybody's turning into rabbits.
Bugs Bunny: What's all this about rabbits doc?
(As a last resort, Steve Brody then jumps off the Brooklyn Bridge)
(Animation freezes, back to Bugs Bunny)
Bugs Bunny: And that's why Steve Brody jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge. Anything more you want to know?
Old Man: Nope. That's enough, son. I'll buy it.
(Old man hands Bugs a bundle of money as he winks at the camera)
Category:Transcripts