Season 1

== Season 1 ==
=== Episode 1: Death Penalties ===
Originally aired September 18, 2011
 	 	 	 	
331	Wet Dream (a.k.a. Bed-Wetting) 	January 1, 1973 	New York City, NY	A man, who spent New Year's Eve at a party, snorting cocaine, donning women's clothes, and seducing two women into having sex with him, wakes up the next day, half-naked, smeared in make-up, and strapped to his water bed. As he screams, he kicks his stiletto-heeled feet, puncturing his water bed, which then leaks. The man keeps struggling until all the water from the leaking mattress engulfs him and he drowns.
246	Par-Gore (a.k.a. Assassin’s Greed) 	July 13, 2006 	Detroit, MI 	While racing up the outside of a building with his friends, an arrogant parkour-obsessed teen pushes one of them out of the way in order to win. On the roof, he rolls to recover from his last jump and impales his neck on an exposed pipe, severing his spinal cord and paralyzing the muscles that control breathing.
948	Titty Titty Bang Bang (a.k.a. Bad Explosions)	June 20, 2010 	San Diego, CA 	A woman decides to become a stripper after months of doing low-level temp work and not earning enough to support her dreams of being an actress. Thinking that her breasts are too small for her to be a good stripper, she decides to get large breast implants to compensate. However, the plastic surgeon who gave her the implants was unlicensed and the implants she got were substandard and filled with water containing dissolved oxygen instead of silicone. While on a plane, the atmospheric pressure causes the implants to expand and explode, blowing out the woman's chest and killing her from heart exposure.
500	Ich Bin Ein Stoner (a.k.a. Witch Hunt) 	October 29, 1341 	Berlin, Germany 	A medieval witch hunter goes mad after eating grains infected with ergot. The superstitious townspeople use a method that the witch hunter used on a village woman who was accused of witchcraft: pricking a mole on the accused's body (if it bled, the accused was innocent; if not, the accused was deemed a witch). The witch hunter's mole does not bleed and he is sentenced to death by stoning. The witch hunter is killed when a stone hits him in the head and cracks his skull.
419	Skid Marked (a.k.a. Ghost Rider) 	March 17, 2004 	Philadelphia, PA 	A group of car thieves are practicing "ghost riding the whip" (putting the car into gear and dancing alongside it) with a stolen SUV. One of them attempts "The Circle," which involves making the car ride in a tight circle while standing atop it. The SUV hits a parking chalk, knocking the rider from the roof of the SUV. While on the ground, the SUV comes around and runs over the riders legs and breaks them. The SUV comes around and crushing his head.
298	Sign Offed (a.k.a. Spin Head) 	September 16, 2008	Los Angeles, CA 	A sign spinner has been showing off his skills to impress a beautiful barista at a nearby coffeehouse. When a rival spinner shows up across the street, the two start trying to outdo each other and win the barista's attention. After the first spinner nearly gets hit by a passing car, he accidentally slashes his jugular vein with the edge of his sign (now jagged from repeated hits against the pavement) and bleeds to death.
449	Another Up The Butt Story (a.k.a. Buzz-Ted) 	August 22, 2009 	Las Vegas, NV 	A drunk bachelor attempts to rape a stripper (who was used as a human sushi bar) at his bachelor party. The stripper pushes him onto the toilet and he leans on the flush mechanism. Abnormally high pressure in the tank causes the porcelain lid to fly onto the floor and shatter, and the bachelor slips onto a shard of porcelain, piercing his colon and intestinal tract, and causing him to bleed to death.
=== Episode 2: Ready Or Not, Here Comes Death ===
Originally aired September 18, 2011
Note: This episode did not feature the death of a female.
 	 	 	 	
744	Master E-Raced (a.k.a. Dishonorable Discharge)	April 11, 1945 	Nuremberg, Germany	A Nazi military officer is shot in the head during World War II and left for dead, but survives with the bullet becoming lodged near a major artery in his brain. 46 years later, In Manhattan, NY, he bumps his head against his refrigerator, jarring the bullet enough to sever the artery and cause a fatal hemorrhage.
329	Muffed Dive (a.k.a. High Die) 	May 19, 2007 	Phoenix, AZ 	A former Olympic diver, kicked off the national team for abusing drugs, now works as a manager at a municipal pool, where he's more interested in impressing MILFs, single cougars, and middle-aged divorcees than actually doing work. While out on a date with one of his targets, he dives into the pool but hits his head on a floating chlorine dispenser, causing death from head trauma and drowning.
174	Dog Dead Afternoon (a.k.a. Three Dog Night) 	November 11, 2004	Albuquerque, NM 	A dog thief uses a tranquilizer dart on a pit bull. When a security guard shows up, the thief waits for him to leave, but the guard falls asleep. When the guard awakes, the thief tranquilizes him, and the guard falls in front of the gate. Simultaneously, the pitbull awakens and attacks the now trapped thief, crushing his trachea.
124	Bibli-killed (a.k.a. E-I-E-I-OWW!) 	August 2, 2009 	Houston, TX 	Two con artists posing as preachers go around the country handing out Bibles and having sex with their female customers. One day, they end up at a farm, where they attempt to have sex with the farmer's granddaughter. Hearing the commotion, the farmer's wife chases the men with a shotgun. They hide in a grain silo. However, when one of the men uses a lighter to see where they are, he ends up killing himself and his partner by causing a dust explosion.
416	Trucked Up 	August 20, 1993 	Anaheim, CA 	A teenager shows off his car to his girlfriend, but his obnoxious cousin also shows off his new pickup truck. While showing off eight ball on his gear shift, he left the car in gear. When he activated the remote starter, the truck lurched forward, popped out of gear, knocked him on the ground and then crushed his skull with the tires.
237	Him-Paled (a.k.a. Rubbed Out) 	June 12, 2005 	Chicago, IL 	A pervert uses his camera phone to get upskirt photos of women. While standing behind a woman (who is wearing a skirt with no underwear) at a streetside coffee vendor, the woman freaks out and the construction worker standing next to her goes to beat up the pervert. Meanwhile, another construction worker 8 stories up trips over a sandbag and lets go of a piece of rebar with falls from the sky and impales the pervert from his shoulder through his side, impaling his heart.
212	Handi-Crapped (a.k.a. Surfin’ Turd) 	July 16, 2008 	Daytona, FL 	A rude surfer often parks his convertible in handicapped parking spaces. When confronted by a Vietnam War veteran who lost his leg, the surfer refuses to confront him, opting instead to drive away. The surfboard pivots sideways due to quick acceleration of his car, hits a street sign and severs the surfer's head from his spinal cord, killing him instantly. 
=== Episode 3: Grave Errors ===
Originally aired September 25, 2011
 	 	 	 	
219	Chairway to Heaven (a.k.a. Ouch Potato) 	November 20, 2003	Lawton, OK 	A deadbeat dad who abandoned his family to "find himself" (an act so heinous even the narrator says he wants to kill the man) gets drunk with his friend while setting up his new house, ignoring his wife and children's pleadings for him to return home. He brings in a pilot seat from a Soviet fighter jet, unaware that it still works. He pulls the lever on the seat and is launched 10 feet into the air, crushing his skull against the roof.
317	SP-Effed (a.k.a. Blistering Vice) 	October 12, 2009 	Boston, MA 	A young woman who always borrows her roommates' belongings without asking mistakes psoriasis cream for moisturizer before stepping into her roommate's new tanning bed (which no one is allowed to use). The psoralenin the cream, activated by the tanning bed's ultraviolet radiation, gives her massive second degree burns all over her body and she collapses on her horrified roommate and dies of heart failure and severe dehydration.
189	Poly-Ass-Turd (a.k.a. You’re Fired!) 	February 23, 2003	Portland, OR 	A fraudulent self-help guru holds an outdoors seminar for people with low self-confidence, which includes a test in which the patients have to walk over a bed of hot coals. When a patient complains the coals are too hot, the guru attempts to prove them wrong and walk over them himself. However, he falls and is caught ablaze, with his polyester suit melting onto his skin causing fatal burns and dies.
412	Goon Interrupted (a.k.a. Chutes and Splatters) 	November 30, 2001	Mental Hospital 	A hitman feigns insanity and is sent to a mental hospital after his trial for murder. He then attempts to escape from his fifth-floor ward by climbing down a laundry chute, but the weight of the laundry dumped onto him from higher floors causes him to lose his grip. He falls 50 feet and lands on a concrete floor, suffering multiple injuries and dying instantly.
274	Squirreled Away (a.k.a. When Animals A-Taxidermy	May 1, 2006 	Cooper’s Creek, GA	A taxidermist, who regularly eats the meat of the animals he kills, dines on squirrel meat (served rare) without realizing that the animal was infected with rabies. He contracts the virus, which invades his brain and causes him to die a slow, painful death over the course of several days.
405	Chemi-Killed (a.k.a. Down the Drain) 	May 6, 2009 	Birmingham, AL 	A lab assistant, enraged by the rejection from her married co-worker who had sex with her and regretted it, goes on a rampage in the laboratory, destroying his latest experiment. She grabs a flask of sodium azide and smashes it into a sink full of water. The sodium azide converts to hydrogen azidegas, which burns the skin off her face and destroys her lungs.
324	Bats All Folks (a.k.a. Gone Batty!) 	June 17, 2008 	Beijing, China 	An unscrupulous antiquities trader and tomb raider sneaks into a cave and steals a 1,000-year-old warrior statue, only to awaken a colony of bats. One of the bats bites the tomb raider in the neck, infecting him with the SARS virus, which kills him two weeks later.
=== Episode 4: Dirt Nap ===
Originally aired October 2, 2011
 	 	 	 	
231	Asphyxi-Asian (a.k.a. Affright D’oh!) 	August 14, 2006 	Tokyo, Japan 	The narrator channel-surfs through a nature show and a home-shopping channel until he stops on a Japanese game show challenge featuring a conniving female contestant donning scuba gear and swimming through hoops while collecting cantaloupe. The female contestant dies of breathing in truck exhaust that wasn't filtered out of her oxygen tank and ends up drowning. The narrator points out that a story like that would make a great entry for 1000 Ways to Die.
769	Bush Defeated (a.k.a. Wax On, Wax Off 	March 8, 2004 	Charleston, WV 	A woman with a large amount of pubic hair decides to get rid of it by clipping, shaving, and waxing it off herself after her boyfriend refuses to have sex with her. She accidentally removes some skin in the process, allowing an infection of necrotizing fasciitis to set in and kill her two weeks later from blood poisoning and organ failure.
143	Bad Laps (a.k.a. Final Heat) 	October 6, 2003 	Crystal Lake, IL 	A drill sergeant turned swimming instructor for plus-sized women turns the heat up in the pool, much to the anger of his students. The instructor then throws down a challenge: if any of his students can outswim him, then he'll turn down the pool's temperature. Wearing his wetsuit, he jumps in, and after twenty laps, the exhausted trainees finally give up. However, the sergeant dies of hyperthermia caused by his wetsuit trapping the pool's heat and causing his heart to fail.
465	Guns N’ Noses (a.k.a. Blood Diamonds) 	September 11, 2001	Sierra Leone, Africa 	After capturing and killing a diamond smuggler, a ruthless warlord celebrates by snorting "brown-brown" (cocaine laced with nitroglycerine-laced gunpowder). The tray holding the mixture is contaminated with diamond dust; when the warlord snorts the mixture, the particles lacerate his arteries and travel to his heart, causing him to bleed to death.
917	Chicken Boned (a.k.a. Chicken Brittle)	August 26, 1998 	Cedar Springs, MI 	A bored group of friends decide to play "chicken" (performing dangerous stunts to see who will back out first). One of the boys challenges the other to hold a lit M-80 in his mouth. When the second boy backs out, the first cries in victory but accidentally swallows the M-80, which enters his trachea, and blows apart his head and throat.
309	Jablowni (a.k.a. Rafted) 	June 20, 1986 	West Deptford, New Jersey	An arrogant twenty-something bodybuilder orders his beleaguered girlfriend to inflate a pool raft. After she gets fed up and quits, he inflates the raft with flammable tire sealant and throws it in the pool. Once he climbs on he lowers his arm and the cigarette makes contact with the raft and explodes due to the ashes popping the raft and igniting the tire sealant. The man is thrown from the explosion into the air and come back down smashing through the water, cracking his skull and causing brain hemorrhage.
280	Dead Necked (a.k.a. Scold Maid) 	November 24, 2006 	Coram, NY 	A spoiled teenager throws a redneck themed party as a joke on his country cousin (despite that his country cousin is a law school valedictorian). When the cousin arrives, the spoiled teen decides to "prepare the main course" and deep-fry a frozen turkey. When the frozen turkey is dropped in the pot of hot oil, the reaction creates steam under the turkey, which expands rapidly and propels it out of the pot, and into the face of the teenager, jamming the cartilage of his nose into his brain and killing him instantly.
=== Episode 5: Better Them Than Us ===
Originally aired October 9, 2011
 	 	 	 	
496	Recep-Shunned (a.k.a. Wedding Swinger) 	August 16, 2010 	Warwick, RI 	An obnoxious wedding singer performs an insulting song, making fun of the groom being tricked into marrying the bride, who is pregnant and has herpes. When the groom goes to punch the singer, the best man tries to calm him down, only to be pushed away into the microphone stand, causing the microphone to lodge in the singer's throat. The wedding singer asphyxiates.
106	Super Zero 	May 21, 2008 	Cincinnati, OH 	A nerd takes to dressing up as a superhero to fight minor crime in his town, but ends up harassing the so-called perpetrators. Finding some teenaged marijuana smokers on a rooftop, he shocks one with a cattle prod, but then retreats when the others advance toward him to defend their friend. He trips on his cape and falls over the edge, sustaining fatal skull and chest fractures when he hits the ground.
508	Toe Jammed 	October 1, 2002 	Toledo, OH 	A hospital janitor with a fetish for feet and unconscious women sneaks around giving pedicures to sleeping or comatose female hospital patients while sucking on a foot-shaped lollipop. While finishing a pedicure on a coma patient, the janitor accidentally lets a hospital tray swing towards the woman's kneecap, triggering the patellar reflex. The coma patient involuntarily kicks the man in the face, causing the lollipop to lodge in his throat and the janitor to choke to death.
689	Wine And Die (a.k.a. Wine And Dine) 	October 9, 2004 	Napa Valley, CA	A nerdy, virgin college student takes a female foreign-exchange student from Sweden to a vineyard for a wine tasting, only to find it closed for the off-season. Having brought their own wine, they get drunk and climb into a fermentation vat to make out. Both of them soon asphyxiate due to the carbon dioxide emitted by the fermenting grapes.
245	Rocky Roadkill (a.k.a. Ice Fiend Man) 	September 21, 2009	Daytona, FL 	A drug dealer doing business out of an ice cream truck is mugged by a meth addict. The driver manages to get away, but upon encountering a sharp turn, the freezer topples over and leaks chlorofluorocarbon into the truck. The dealer blacks out from inhaling the refrigerant and slams into a tree, the impact of which ruptures his aortic valve and causes death by exsanguination.
73 	Vertigo, Going, Gone (a.k.a. Allergy Treason)	April 28, 2003 	Louiseville, KY	When an ill-mannered, incompetent office worker gets fired, he vows revenge on his boss. He waits for her atop an oak tree, unaware that he's allergic to oak tree pollen. After missing the shot, the man's body goes into paralysis from his allergy and drops out of the tree, dying of a skull fracture.
348	My Big Fat Greek Death (a.k.a. Brass Bulls) 	560 BC 	Athens, Greece 	Perillos of Athens, a metalworker, is attempting to impress King Phalaris with the unveiling of a new torture device: the brazen bull, which is meant to roast enemies that are placed inside. To test the device, Phalaris locks Perillos in the device and cooks him to death.
=== Episode 6: Eat, Pray, Die ===
Originally aired October 16, 2011
 	 	 	 	
211	Dead Mime ☺ (a.k.a. Never Mime) 	June 24, 1995 	Little Rock, AR	An annoying mime who resorts to harassing passersby in a park stops to eat a pickle for lunch. One piece gets lodged in his throat and causes him to choke to death, but the passersby do not stop to help, thinking that this is part of his act.
487	E-I-E-I-Oww! (a.k.a. In Farm's Way) 	June 6, 2006 	Wichita, KS 	Two delinquents are sentenced to a work release program on a farm after they got caught for grand theft auto. One of the delinquents picks up a captive bolt pistol, thinking it is a pump to a milking machine. The farmer's daughter warns him not to play with it, but he points it at her saying that he wants milk. Still thinking that it's a pump, the delinquent uses the captive bolt pistol on his own chest, piercing his heart.
209	Par For The Corpse (a.k.a. Skin Game) 	October 29, 1989 	Eugene, OR 	In a parody of grindhouse-style zombie horror movie trailers, a teenage couple making out in a cemetery are scared off by a sickly, shambling man thought to be a zombie. The narrator then explains that the "zombie" is actually a cemetery groundskeeper with little respect for the dead suffering from a fatal allergic reaction to the fungicide he sprayed on the cemetery grass (which he unknowingly ingested by way of chewing on the golf tees he had in his mouth while using the cemetery as his personal golf course).
591	Trip to the Maul (a.k.a. Love Is Blind) 	September 2, 2000 	Bozeman, MT 	A man takes his mistress into the woods to have sex to escape his wife, when suddenly, he goes blind from vasoconstriction (temporary or permanent blindness from sexual intercourse). The now-blind man runs screaming out of the tent, and runs afoul of a grizzly bear, who mauls him.
366	Strang-Girled (a.k.a. Necks Victim) 	September 30, 2007	Springfield, MO	A cheating wife selfishly steals the neck massager from her husband who was using it after a long day at work. She rejects his concerns for her and goes into the bathroom to relax with a massage and a bath. However, her chain necklace gets tangled in the massager and strangles her.
393	Deep Sleep (Walk) (a.k.a. Grim Sleeper) 	May 20, 2009 	Long Beach, CA 	A woman who lives on a houseboat is unaware that she suffers from somnambulism and that she eats while sleepwalking. During one of her nightly walks, she heads out to get some chocolate. She slips off the pier and plunges into the water, drowning before she can wake up.
445	Apocalypse Harley (a.k.a. Apocalypse Charlie)	July 16, 2011 	Hollywood, CA 	A Marlon Brando-esque mercenary has been hired to take down a Charlie Sheenesque TV actor who has been in the news for his erratic, misogynistic behavior, and his cocaine abuse. When the mercenary has the actor cornered in his mansion, the actor races to the kitchen to snort cocaine and get his machete. While running circles around the mercenary, the actor trips and stabs himself in the heart with his own weapon. He manages to utter, "Winning!" to one of his live-in prostitutes before dying.
=== Episode 7: Young, Dumb and Full of Death ===
Originally aired October 23, 2011
 	 	 	 	
911	Penis de Milo (a.k.a. Sculpt-A-Death) 	March 29, 1993 	Toronto, Canada	A sculptor chiseling away at his latest project is dumped by his attention (and sex) starved wife. Lonely, the sculptor decides to chisel a vaginal opening at the base of the statue and have sex with it. Exhausted from having sex with his work of art, he tries to get up, only to find himself stuck on the statue due to priapism. The sculptor screams for help, but no one comes to his aid. The sculptor then tries to wriggle out of it. The sculptor manages to free himself, but not before his unfinished statue crashes down on his chest, causing flail chest by shattering his ribs and asphyxiating him.
182	Homie Invasion/Homie's Dead (a.k.a. Home Invasion)	August 16, 2006	Durham, NC 	On a hot summer night, a burglar breaks in and begins stealing things from the owners' home. The husband goes to stop the burglar, but gets hit in head with the burglar's baseball bat. The wife tries to revive her husband with CPR, but he doesn't awaken. Just as the story is about the end with the typical 1000 Ways to Die "Way to Die #" and title screen, the story is rewound to show that the husband did come back to life (as he had a rare condition called Lazarus syndrome in which victims who are supposedly dead are suddenly revived). As the burglar escapes, the husband confronts him. The burglar freaks out over the husband's revival and falls off his rope, dying of a skull fracture from hitting the cobblestone path below the balcony.
232	Nine Inch Nailed (a.k.a. R & RIP) 	October 7, 1992	Pullman, WA 	Three men hired to clean a local dump waste time by rolling in a tire down a hill with a wooden ramp. The first man passes the ramp, but when the second man rolls down, the ramp collapses and exposes two nine-inch framing nails from the ramp, which puncture through the tire and sever his spinal cord, causing neurogenic shock.
79 	Shoots & Ladders (a.k.a. See You Ladder) 	April 10, 2000 	Melbourne, FL 	Annoyed by his neighbor's barking dog, a miser shoots it with a pellet from a slingshot. However, while putting the slingshot back in the attic, a screw falls out of the ladder he is using, and he slips, falling backward and smacking his head against the hardwood floor. He soon dies from brain damage that stops his heart and breathing.
619	Sudden Death (a.k.a. Last Call) 	July 21, 2006 	Emmett, MI 	A fantasy football fanatic annoys everyone at a sports bar with his repeated yells at players and shouting out how many points they gained or cost him in his fantasy league. When he tries to change the shown game to another more favorable one, he triggers a bar fight and manages to slip off, only for a piece of a shattered beer mug to fly towards him and pierce through his neck, slicing his jugular vein and carotid artery, causing him to bleed to death within moments.
881	Slayer Cake (a.k.a. Heart Baker) 	March 12, 2009 	Luverne, MN 	A bakery owner fires her incompetent brother-in-law after days of putting up with his unhygienic habits and his lack of professionalism. Before the man leaves, he decorates several cakes with shocking and slanderous messages. The man then steps out, and ends up slipping and falling on his cake-decorating syringe, which lodges in his chest and pumps enough icing into his heart for the man to suffer a massive heart attack.
612	Gone Green (a.k.a. Fashion Victim) 	March 17, 2007 	Los Angeles, CA	A rich socialite throws a St. Patrick's Day party and plans to show off the $3000 antique green dress she shoplifted, which contains Paris Green dye (a poisonous dye containing a chemical common in rat poison). During the raucous party, everyone gets drunk and hurls champagne all over the socialite and her dress. In the morning, while everyone wakes up with severe hangovers, she wakes up to find that she's been dyed green, then vomits green slime and dies of organ failure from the dye seeping into her skin.