Transcripts/Magic is Ahoof; Journey to the Center of the 'Cord

:
==Magic is Ahoof==
:Rarity: [sighs] Our play went over swimmingly! Exactly as planned!
:Rainbow Dash: Rarity, what are you talking about? Every single prop in our Play Day play vanished before our very eyes.
:Rarity: And I got three consecutive standing ovations! Which is exactly the number my horse-oscope predicted.
:Rest of Mane Six: [groan]
:Rarity: [sniffs, sighs] Roses. The winner's flower.
:Rest of Mane Six: [gasp]
:Rarity: [yelps] Fine. I promise I'll share.
:Twilight Sparkle: Hmmm. No lingering trace of our items. No signs of scientific eradication.
:[beat]
:Applejack: You're gonna have to explain to us soon what in the hoof you just said.
:Twilight Sparkle: That all of our items have been cleanly transported with a special kind of magic... Chaos magic!
:[thunder]
:Rest of Mane Six: [gasp]
:Fluttershy: It does seem to have gotten out of control lately.
:Rarity: This sounds like a case for Detective Rarity!
:[film noir music]
:Rest of Mane Six: [sounds of confusion]
:Rarity: [whistles] I knew a mystery was ahoof when the magic made everything poof!
:[shatter!]
:Fluttershy: Ooh, that's a good line.
:Rarity: This mystery will be messing up our manes no more.
:Rest of Mane Six: Ooooh...
:Pinkie Pie: I know you're a one-pony problem solver, but it's always been my dream to join you on a caper.
:Rest of Mane Six: Ooooh...
:Pinkie Pie: Also, I know where the magic first got all funky – the Potion Ocean!
:Rest of Mane Six: [gasp]
:Rarity: [gasps] Then lead the way, Private Eye Pie! We've got some ponies to prod! Some Equestrians to question! Some—
:Pinkie Pie: —horsies to hug!
:[zip!]
:Rarity: Uh— [screams]
:Rainbow Dash: Soooo, uh... wait for them at Sugarcube Corner 'til they get back?
:Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, and Fluttershy: [agreeing]
:Rarity: Hmmm... [sniffing]
:Pinkie Pie: Huh?
:Rarity: You have to feel the evidence for answers, Pinkie. Really become one with the wonders of the mystery.
:Pinkie Pie: Or... we could just ask this pony.
:Rarity: [coughs]
:[film noir music]
:Rarity: Tell me... when was the last time you encountered magic on the sand?
:Reuse Pony (M): Uhhh, about three days ago.
:Rarity and Pinkie Pie: Oooh!
:Reuse Pony (M): There he is. His name is Magic. We met here three days ago, and we've been best friends ever since. Yooo-hooo! Say hello, Magic!
:[deflating]
:Rarity: [groans] Bobbins.
:Magic: [yelling]
:[crash!]
:Rarity: Tell me... any magical mistakes happen in here?
:Librarian Pony: Actually, yes. This book has been glowing with purple dust all morning.
:Rarity: Do you see this, P.I. Pie?
:Pinkie Pie: [gasps] We're one step closer to solving the mystery?
:Rarity: My bookmark's still in here from when I turned this in last week. Also... we're one step closer to solving the mystery!
:[film noir music]
:Rarity: As I conducted my investigation, one thing became crystal clear.
:Applejack: You're crazy for craftin' yarn?
:Rest of Mane Six: [laugh]
:Rarity: No! But also, yes.
:Rest of Mane Six: [laugh]
:Rarity: I discovered my pursuit of perplexing magical powers gone kaput was pointless! Because the proof of the problem was present with you ponies!
:Rest of Mane Six: [gasp]
:Rarity: Actually, I was just about to start by saying—
:Rainbow Dash: I'm the reason! I wished for something really big...
:Rainbow Dash: [narrating] ...on the Cotton Candy Comet, and it clogged up the cosmos!
:[crack!]
:Rainbow Dash: [narrating] Now nopony's wishes are being granted!
:Rest of Mane Six: [gasp]
:Rarity: Actually, I was just about to—
:Applejack: My wish didn't come true either!
:Rarity: Right, of course. But, uh, I-I kind of had this whole presentation made, so if I could just—
:Fluttershy: I was so worried that my wish somehow messed everything up.
:Twilight Sparkle: [whimpers] Oh, why did I use my wish on a giant calculator that never came?
:Rarity: That's actually what I was getting to. My wish was in the library. I wished for a second sparkly bookmark, and it never came!
:Twilight Sparkle: Wait. You said the proof is with us. If none of our wishes came true, then there's no jam.
:Rest of Mane Six: [agreeing]
:Twilight Sparkle: Hmmm... So another pony messed it up. But who?
:Rarity: No, dear Twilight. Isn't it obvious? It was...
:[zip!]
:Rarity: ...you!
:[thunder]
:Rest of Mane Six: [gasp]
:Discord: [laughs maniacally] Oh, it all started weeks ago on a typical Wed-nes-day. I was going about my normal business – a.k.a. wreaking absolute and complete chaos with a total disregard for normalcy – on my weekly stroll. And after I filled all of Rarity's hats with swamp mud...
:Rarity: Huh?
:Discord: ...I started messing with your wishes.
:Discord: [narrating] My mischievous master plan went off without a hitch. But I soon discovered I wanted more.
:Discord: Just wait and see what I do with those wishes! It's going to be deliciously out of control! [laughs maniacally, snaps fingers]
:[poof!]
:Mane Six: [gasp]
:Rarity: [faints]
:[ominous music]
==Journey to the Center of the 'Cord==
:Pinkie Pie: Here are the cold, hard milkshakes!
:[splat!]
:Rest of Mane Six: [groan]
:Pinkie Pie: I mean, facts. Our wishes have disappeared. Now that we know it was Discord who did the dirty deed, I think it's time we got some—
:Applejack and Rainbow Dash: Justice!
:Pinkie Pie: I was gonna say "answers", but that works, too.
:[rock music]
:[bubbling]
:Rainbow Dash: [whimpers]
:[knock on door]
:[door opens]
:Discord: Hmm? Please come in. Entrez-vous, my four-legged friends.
:Fluttershy: Hmph.
:Pinkie Pie: Okay, Mr. Discord. We've got questions. You've got—
:[poof!]
:Discord: Finger sandwiches?
:Rarity: [gasps] My hoofness. It's so civilized. But I shan't partake.
:Applejack: Well, I'm too polite to turn down a snack.
:[zip!]
:Applejack: [eating noisily]
:[zip!]
:Mane Six: [eating noisily]
:Discord: So there I was, clutching the guardrails of this rickety little bridge, and the troll said I had to answer his riddle. So I asked the troll a counter-riddle, and when the troll failed to answer said riddle...
:[poof!]
:Discord: ...he turned into stone! But I couldn't move the stone, so I still couldn't cross the bridge.
:Rainbow Dash: So? What did you do?
:Discord: [stammers] I went home and listened to a pony-cast about comedic uses for dark magic. Very compelling, actually.
:Mane Six: [laugh]
:Discord: So, my fair fillies, as to what do I owe the pleasure?
:Rarity: Oh. Right. Where might our missing wishes be, Discord dear? We'd really like to know.
:Rainbow Dash: Actually, we demand to know!
:Rest of Mane Six: [gasp, growl]
:Discord: I'll never tell! Never ever! I must ask you to leave posthaste! Goodbye! [snaps fingers]
:[poof!]
:[poof!]
:Mane Six: [yell] Oof!
:Pinkie Pie: Well, that didn't work.
:Fluttershy: Maybe he was lying about taking our wishes.
:Applejack: Not tootin' likely. But I know he's up to somethin'.
:Rarity: If only we could get into that big, twisted noodle of a brain and find out what he's thinking.
:Fluttershy: [gasps] Rarity, you're a genius!
:Fluttershy: [narrating] We should shrink ourselves down, get in Discord's head, and see what's going on with those wishes for ourselves!
:Rarity: Let's do it!
:Fluttershy: Oh, it's on!
:Rest of Mane Six: Yeah!
:[exciting music]
:[poof!]
:[door opens]
:Discord: [yawns, sighs] What a lovely morning. Time to gather some swamp mud, make it rain chocolate... Oh! Look! The morning paper. I just adore the funny pages.
:Fluttershy: [whispering, high-pitched] Fan out! Tiny pony potion paratroopers, go, go, go!
:Discord: Huh. My brain itches. Hmm. Oh, well.
:Mane Six: [screaming]
:Applejack: Wow. Discord's brain is... tidier than I thought. But this maze is still mighty confusin'. How will we know where to find his memories? Huh?
:Rest of Mane Six: [gasp, scream]
:Applejack: [whimpers]
:[zip!]
:Fluttershy: Awww. Maybe this adorable mutant bunny can help us. Hello there.
:3-Headed Bunny (Right Head): [hisses]
:Rest of Mane Six: [scream]
:3-Headed Bunny (Right Head): [clears throat] Sorry. I had a snake for lunch.
:3-Headed Bunny (Middle Head): Well, one of us did. Password?
:3-Headed Bunny (Left Head): "flutt3rshy", but the "E" is a three.
:3-Headed Bunny (Right Head): Uh, no, we changed it last week. We had to add an exclamation point.
:3-Headed Bunny (Middle Head): [groans] Not you! Them!
:Pinkie Pie: "flutt3rshy!", and the "E" is a three.
:3-Headed Bunny (All): You may pass.
:Mane Six: [yell]
:[crash!]
:[shimmering sounds]
:Rainbow Dash: Huh?
:[doors open]
:Rainbow Dash: Hey, everypony! Over there!
:Twilight Sparkle and Rarity: [gasp]
:Fluttershy: Hmmm... Huh?
:[poof!]
:Fluttershy: [gasps] Here it is! A catalog of how Discord spent everypony's wishes!
:Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie: [gasp]
:Fluttershy: [narrating] A million mice, a million mouse traps, more wishes, fewer wishes, the ability to breathe ice instead of fire...
:Pinkie Pie: [narrating] ...an apple orchard the size of a planet, a TV show starring me as every character...
:Pinkie Pie: ...an Olympic-size pool and an indoor gym...
:Fluttershy: Wait! These ones are our wishes! He took them all!
:Mane Six: [growling]
:Discord: [sneezes]
:Mane Six: [yell]
:Discord: What in Equestria?! How did you—?! What's going on?
:Fluttershy: We're asking the questions, buddy! We know you spent every wish!
:Rarity: Including ours!
:Fluttershy: Yeah! So what do you plan on doing about it?!
:Discord: I plan on... um... offering you another sandwich. And by the way, whatever you did in there, my ears have never felt cleaner.
:Mane Six: [growling]
:Discord: Aren't I a stinker?
:[credits]