Mermaid Boy/transcript

Previous Episode: The Vegging
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: July 15, 2017
Episode Copyrighted: 2017
Episode Produced: 2016
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The story begins with Mermaid Man relaxing in the Mermalair, sitting on his brown rocking chair while snacking down on some donuts. Barnacle Boy then enters the scene and is grumpier than usual.
Barnacle Boy: Mermaid Man!
Mermaid Man: Wha… Mermaid Man! I always wanted to meet him! What a great celebrity!
Barnacle Boy: You’re Mermaid Man, you old coot!
Mermaid Man: Oh… yeah.
Barnacle Boy: Now tell me, can you explain this?! *shows my mentor a discarded piece of hot dog and a rusty coin*
Mermaid Man: Hey! My lucky dime! It must’ve fallen out of my pocket! And boy did that hotdog hit the spot! *reclaims my dime and finishes the hot dog while smiling in relief*
Barnacle Boy: Well I don’t appreciate finding these in the shower drain! Seriously! What is wrong with you?!
Mermaid Man: You don’t consider drains a personal trash can?! You want me to throw my trash away in the public lobby in just a bath towel?! I suppose you want me to jog throughout town naked while you’re at it!
Barnacle Boy: Just don’t be a moronic imbecile! 
The two hear the doorbell.
Barnacle Boy: I got it.
Mermaid Man: How many times do I have to tell you?! Don’t answer the door to a bunch of strangers! I raised you better than this lad! I’ll get the door!
Barnacle Boy: *to myself* Pfft… I’m 80 and he treats me like I’m 10.
Mermaid Man: *answers the door and initially sees nobody at first*
Then he looks down to see a baby infant in a basket.
Mermaid Man: AAAH! DEATH!!!
Barnacle Boy: That's a baby you dingus!
Mermaid Man: The baby of death!!
Barnacle Boy: *picks the infant up and inspects* Where do you think he came from?
Mermaid Man: Royal Woods Mall! He had to have come from Royal Woods Mall!
Barnacle Boy: *finds a tag that says, “M.R.”
Mermaid Man: M.R? What's M.R?
Barnacle Boy: It's Man Ray!
Inside a laboratory, sits Man Ray, watching the two old coots through secret cameras he installed in the eyeballs of the baby, which is a robot.
Man Ray: Oh, if you only knew! And I’m glad you don’t! Ahahhaha!
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: *takes the baby into the Mermalair*
Barnacle Boy: We should keep an eye on.. *picks up a smelly scent that can differentiate gender* The boy.
Mermaid Man: I got the perfect name! ….. Mermaid Man!
Barnacle Boy: That's your name though!
Mermaid Man: Fine! What's your lame one then?!
Barnacle Boy: I don’t know… maybe Robert?
Mermaid Man: Boring!
Barnacle Boy: Jonathan?
Mermaid Man: Still boring!
Barnacle Boy: Albert?
Mermaid Man: Talk about terrible!
Barnacle Boy: WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT THEN?!
Mermaid Man: I got it! Mermaid Boy! Half Mermaid Man! Half Barnacle Boy! His Mermaid Man side will be more prevalent by the way!
Barnacle Boy: Actually… Mermaid Boy isn’t that bad! I like it!
Mermaid Man: Good! Now to our bedroom! Away!!
Barnacle Boy: Why?
The scene cuts to the old heroes’ bedroom.
Barnacle Boy: *sits in a chair holding “Mermaid Boy” and waiting for Mermaid Man*
He finally exits their personal bathroom. Barnacle Boy's eyes widen in shock. 
Mermaid Man is in drag, dressed like a classic 1950's style mother. He even has a white curly wig & a platter of chocolate chip cookies for texture. Back in the laboratory..
Man Ray: Ughh! That is so disturbing!
Mermaid Boy: *does a double take and finally talks*
Barnacle Boy: Can you explain why you are dressed like a woman?!
Mermaid Man: If I’m going to be the mother! I am going to dress like one!
Barnacle Boy: Who said you were going to be a mother?
Mermaid Man: Alright fine! *tears off my clothes showing a lot more than meets the eye* I’ll be the Dad!
Barnacle Boy: *faints at naked Mermaid Man*
Back at the laboratory…
Man Ray: *pours bleach into my eyes* AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Barnacle Boy: *sits on a stool back down in the Mermalair acting motherly towards the baby*
Mermaid Man: *sits in my chair watching football on his TV*
Man Ray: *continues to observe* Hahahah! Perfect!
The Dirty Bubble then walks inside wearing a night robe and finishing drinking some coffee.
Dirty Bubble: What is the purpose for this plan Man Ray? I think this is rather lame.
Man Ray: Don’t worry Dirty! This plan will fall into place! The goal of it is to let the struggles of parenthood take its toll on our bumbling superheroes! Haha!
Dirty Bubble: And?
Man Ray: And! The stress will get to them eventually creating a rift! No more teamwork! And most importantly, no more Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy! Why didn’t I think of this years ago?!
Dirty Bubble: I have no idea, because, you’re #2 & I’m #1?!
Man Ray: *has a deadpan expression on my face*
He then presses a button which causes a sharp pencil to come out of the ceiling.
Dirty Bubble: Noooooo!! *gets popped by it*
Man Ray then puts the contraption away & continues to evilly watch his plan unfold. Meanwhile…
Barnacle Boy: Mermaid Man! Get out of the chair and be a parent!
Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy! You’re the Mom! I’m the Dad! You have to do the caretaking! And I have to do the football watching! Now please go and get me a kelp shake!
Barnacle Boy's face steams red with anger… but he goes along with the order.
Mermaid Man: *continues to watch the game and recline back*
Before the game could result in overtime, Barnacle Boy says…
Barnacle Boy: Drink up!
He spills the kelp shake all over Mermaid Man.
Mermaid Man: Aghhh!
Barnacle Boy then walks in front of his mentor and puffs flour into his face.
Mermaid Man: *coughs in response and is left shocked*
Man Ray is cracking up with laughter.
Man Ray: Hahahahaha! Take that Fat Man!
Mermaid Man: *angrily wipes the flour off* Why did you waste perfectly good flour, young ward?!!
Barnacle Boy: Why are you just lazing around on your big old butt?! You should be helping me raise this baby!
Mermaid Man: A Dad has got to do what a Dad has got to do! Just ask Spongebob! He & Patrick once raised a baby scallop!
Barnacle Boy: *sighs and rings a bell*
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *immediately shows up* SpongeBob and Lincoln, reporting for his heroes!
Barnacle Boy: SpongeBob and Lincoln! Should it just be the Mom to raise a baby? Or should it truly be teamwork with the Dad?
Mermaid Man: Or should it just be Mommy?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I’d say both parents! Patrick would agree too!
Lincoln Loud: And Clyde too!
SpongeBob SquarePants: See!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln Loud, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: *looks out of the Mermalair to find Patrick and Clyde reclining by their kiddie swimming pool, where their 2 year old nephew splashes in*
Patrick Star: *to Clyde* I’m glad I ain’t fathering that kid!
Clyde McBride: *to Patrick* Yeah, Patrick!
They take a sip of coconut milk and continue to relax.
SpongeBob SquarePants: See!
Barnacle Boy: Well, this is so unfair! A Dad shouldn’t just dedicate his life to a stupid football match!
Mermaid Man: It's “football game!” And we have been winning the Bubble Bowl since 1985! Learn your facts!
Barnacle Boy: Go suck on a lemon!
Mermaid Man: Grow some hair! You’re balding is showing!
Barnacle Boy: Lose some weight in the meantime!
Lincoln Loud: Guys!
Man Ray: *lounges back in my laboratory chair* And the climax has been reached!
Evil Emperor Zuckerbrot: Yeah!
Cold Computer Virus: I agree!
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: *begins slapping each other's hands away from our faces in a hissy fashion*
Lincoln Loud: Guys!!
Mermaid Man: *zaps Barnacle Boy into a bunch of liquids with my utility belt*
Lincoln Loud: Guys!!!
Barnacle Boy: *whacks Mermaid Man with a foam finger*
Mermaid Man: *unshields the raging whirlpool*
Lincoln Loud: GUYS!!!!
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: WHAT?!!!
Lincoln Loud: THE BABY! WHERE DID YOUR BABY GO?!!!
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: *looks to see the robot baby nowhere in sight*
They, along with SpongeBob and Lincoln, head outside to find the baby just crawling about in the middle of the street.
Man Ray: *notices this from the camera eyes and realizes accidentally leaned on the “move forward” lever*
When he lounged back in his chair.
Man Ray: Oh fiddlesticks!
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: Mermaid Boy! *rushes for the baby to try and saves him*
Several closeups of their faces are shown mid-exercise.
Mermaid Man: Aaaahhhh!!!
Barnacle Boy: Urrrgghhh!
The two old heroes are shown slowly shuffling towards the street due to being very old men. A boatmobile drives by and runs over the baby.
Mermaid Man: Noooooo!!!
Barnacle Boy: We’re too late!
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: *begins crying in despair*
Mermaid Man: Comfort me!
The two old heroes hug and embrace in despair. A grumpy old woman shuffles up.
Grumpy Old Woman: Relax you two crusty fogies! The baby was a fake!
Mermaid Man: Huh?!
Barnacle Boy: Come again?
Lincoln Loud: She's right! Look! It was just a robot!
The two old heroes look to see a debris field of destroyed mechanical parts and wires. They both breathe a sigh of relief.
Barnacle Boy: But wait! Since that baby was just a thingamajig, then who delivered it!
Mermaid Man: Whoever did sure wanted to split us apart.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hmmm, have any of your villains been out and about recently?
Mermaid Man: Hmmm?
Man Ray then arrives at the scene and looks on at his destroyed robot.
Man Ray: Oh come on! I was so close! Oh universe you woe me!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Here Man Ray! I know what will make you feel better! I’ll blow you a bubble! *gets out his bubble blowing equipment*
The bubble he blows however, is a familiar villain.
Dirty Bubble: Hahahahhah!
Man Ray: Dirty!
Evil Emperor Zuckerbrot and Cold Computer Virus: Dirty Bubble, you're back!
Dirty Bubble: That's right! And since you popped me with a pencil! Which you didn’t even bother in checking to make sure it was number 2! I will now exact my revenge! Hahhahahahah!
Man Ray: Fishpaste!
Dirty Bubble: *vomits sludge all over Man Ray, Zuckerbrot and Cold Computer Virus*
Man Ray, Evil Emperor Zuckerbrot and Cold Computer Virus: Uhghhghghhghh!! *runs off*
Dirty Bubble: *gives chase by continuing to vomit sludge all over them*
SpongeBob SquarePants: A villain getting his by another villain! How about that!
Barnacle Boy: Yeah!
Mermaid Man: Yeah! Now I want a steak-n-cheese.
Screen cuts to Cold Computer Virus.
Cold Computer Virus: I guess that's over for now.
Screen cuts in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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