How to lose a Friend

I could hear her approach long before she reached me. The dull sound of hooves against grass. I did not turn around to greet her.She stopped a few steps away. A deep breath. It took her a few moments before she continued and joined me beside the edge.“It’s a… it’s a beautiful evening.”What. Was she kidding.I did not answer.“Grauhr.”She hesitated.“Don’t do this. You… you don’t have to do this.”Finally, I look up at her. And snorted. I could see that it hurt her. During the six months we had been lovers, three years ago now, I had learnt to recognize that look on her face. It was subtle, but it was there. A slight change in the set of her mouth. Something in her eyes.“No, Sha. I have to do this. There is no other way.”“Don’t be silly. Of course there’s another way.”They had killed my brother. They had killed Hruhron. He was dead. Ashes in the earth. Thinking about it felt like a dagger in the chest. It had to be a nightmare. Had to. It wasn’t real.There was only one tiny problem - it was.“It’s their fault that Hruhron is dead. How could I possibly return?”“They mourn him, Grauhr. Don’t pretend that you don’t know.”“I don’t think so. They killed him, why would they mourn?”It wasn’t really a question. More of a statement. Yes, why would they mourn? They were fools, arrogant, twisted fools, blinded by their own pride. They cared for no one.“By the Earthmother, Grauhr, you can be such a stubborn idiot some times”, Shanah sighed, and sat down beside me. “Perhaps it was their fault. But they never wanted it to happen, it wasn’t their intention.”“They should have thought about that before they ruined his life, Sha.”She folded her hands on her lap, seemingly unsure of what to say.“But Grauhr… They only wanted help him.”“By forcing him to abandon the woman he loved and arranging a marriage between him and some stranger?”The words were acid on my tongue. They sounded even worse spoken out loud.“Well, I… yeah.”Silence.“It was stupid - wrong - but they only wanted him to be… happy.”She carefully placed her hand on my arm. For a brief moment, I considered to let it stay there. Her warmth against mine. I could come back home, and life would go on as it always had.But my rage would not settle. Their sin would not fade.I shoved her hand away.“And you think that’s a viable excuse for killing someone?”, I spat out.“By Cenarius, Grauhr! They did not kill him, what part of that do you not understand?”“So you’re on their side, Sha? What they did was right, huh?”At this point, we were both standing up, face twisted with anger and hopelessness.“Everything isn’t black and white, when will you learn that, Grauhr?! What they did was wrong, but their intentions were good! You have to forgive them or-”“Or what?! Or you don’t want to hear from me ever again? Don’t want to be my friend anymore? Turn your back on me?”She bit her lip, searching desperately for the right words to say. I’m not sure I would have listened even if it was the Earthmother herself talking.“I was going to say, ‘or you will never be able to let him go’.”“So, you’re with them, huh?”Her fists clenched.“Don’t be such a child! Just because I-”“You’re taking their side, I knew it!”Her betrayal hurt more than I would have expected. Clawed at my core. I would loose everything if it continued at this rate. Fate and I weren’t exactly best buddies.“I’m not taking any side, you overgrown pup!”“Then you’re with them.” My voice was calm now. “You killed him too.”I could see it in her eyes. She did not expect that. She could call me stupid, childish, stubborn. And actually mean it. But she never would have called me unfair.Oh, by the Earthmother, I knew I was. I hated myself. But I couldn’t stop. The words were like lava, burning my throat. I had to let them out.“You’re a lousy murderer, Sha. He had his whole life ahead of him. He was always kind to you. And you killed him.”She struggled with the words. I saw her mouth open, only to close again. She looked like a fish on dry land. If the circumstance were different, it would have been funny. We would have laughed.When the words finally escaped her lips, they came one by one. Not entwined in sentences. They were alone. Shivering.“You… you don’t mean that.”I knew this was my chance to beg for forgiveness. She would give it to me, I knew that.I couldn’t.“I do.”Game over, Grauhr. You big idiot.“Well, if that’s how you feel…”There was no need for other words. We knew this was it. It could be seen in our eyes. Heard in our forlorn breath.When she turned around to leave, I almost opened my mouth to say sorry.Almost.
Category:Story