Quotes/Caverns of Madness

== Session 1 ==
;Beltarne chooses poorly.
:Beltarne: shield is gonna take too long, if I move and attack, could i step to rat on horse, go to standing, and attack capped at 9?
:GM: sure! don't hit the horse!
:Beltarne: Swing! Miss!
:GM: oops, do you hit the horse? Yes.
:Beltarne: Great.
:GM: the horse screams and collapses as you carve into it. The nymph's going to be mad at you.
:Beltarne: "Gorm forgive me. Heal ya later, horsy!"
;Tactical decision making at its finest.
:GM: Sithis, your turn.
:Sithis: ok. a moment, I thinking
:Sithis: I attack the rat in front of me
:GM: Genius!
;Arganyev discovers why we don't fight while lying on our backs.
:Arganyev: Yes, a rat is challenging me in close combat!
:Lenia: Think of it more like 'A biting, squealing, twisting thing about the size of a five-year-old is on your chest and trying to eat your eyes.' - it puts things in perspective.
;Arganyev grasps the meaning of 'adversarial GM'.
:GM: Rat attack! as they bite Arganyev's face. Two hits!
:Arganyev: You are enjoying this!
:Beltarne: We all are.
:Lenia: Of course he's enjoying this, he's a DF GM.
;Beltarne returns to the horse he inadvertently attacked.
:Beltarne : I guiltily groom [the horse] before bedding back down.
:Ricka: "I hate you, you runty would be murderer!"
:Beltarne: "I dinnae know what ye're talkin bout. Show me where the beastie is hurt? I don't see any holes. And I promise to buy the poor thing some carrots an apples, soon as we get back tae town."
:Ricka: "Here, where you put your axe in it! Before you used your dark satanic pleas to make it look better!"
:Lenia: "He was trying to defend the poor creature, and he's healed it. All the same, Beltarne, let Ricka do her job. I'm not sure the horse likes you."
:Ricka: "She doesn't! She doesn't like runty axe murders at all!"
:Beltarne: I see no holes. You must have imagined me trying to remove its leg." waves hands wildly "This is nae the short an handsome axe wielder ye are lookin foer!"
:Ricka: "Harummph!"
:Loegaire: "Ah yes. The battle axe. A refined, precise sort of weapon..."
;More excellent tactics
:GM: combat time. Sithis, roll perception for your danger sense.
:Sithis: I kill the narrator, can I? :)
:GM: No =)
;Arganyev was badly bitten by rats in the face
:Arganyev: I ready my shield, my sword, and my face...
;Beltarne and Lenia are discussing what do about a pair of wounded, flesh eating apes that just attacked the delvers.
:Lenia: "Beltarne, help me here? They'll die if we just leave them."
:Beltarne: "Aye, they will, an' thats what nature is all about, init? The strong survivin, the weak being killed by those that have opposable thumbs an metalcraftin'!"
;Loegaire and Lenia continue the discussion.
:Loegaire: "Have you given any thought to what you're going to do with an injured giant killer ape? 'Cause I know what we can do with a dead one..."
:Lenia: "I'm surprised you can be so callous about it, Loegaire. They're creatures of nature just like us."
:Loegaire: "Right. Except for the very important point that they tried to kill us!"
:Lenia: "Were trying. Aren't now. Someone get the rope out of my pack."
:Loegaire: "You want to hold a benefit for the plight of the giant killer ape? Great. You want a whip-round for a battered killer ape shelter? Fine. You want to heal the killer ape, then sleep next to it? You and me got a problem."
;Beltarne demonstrates a keen understanding of nature
:Beltarne: Are there any body parts on these things that might be worth something?
:GM: Roll Naturalist (default IQ-6) to figure that out.
:Beltarne: Failure! I think their blood cures cancer.
:GM: You can't imagine why anyone would care about anything from nature for any reason whatsoever.
== Session 2 ==
;Thog proves to be useful.
:Narrator: The goblin's boiled leather armor fails to stop the small javelin that Thog launches at him. He drops to the ground, bleeding out from a gaping chest wound.
:Beltarne: heh. Thog's kind of handy.
;Thog proves to be dangerous.
:Narrator: An arrow almost hits Thog's heart, then veers off for no obvious reason other than Lenia's sudden chant. the other just grazes his skin, leaving an insignificant bruise.
:Thog: "Huggies for the Mage!"
:Lenia: "Please, God, no."
;Singeon and Lenia clarify roles.
:Singeon (yelling to Lenia): "Bring my pack!" 
:GM (aside): Apparently, you're his porter. who knew?
:Lenia: "There are something like three backpacks on the ground here. I can't even bloody lift them all, you lunatic!"
;Arganyev has been knocked over, again.
:Lenia: For a holy man, Arganyev spends an awful lot of time working on his back.
;Thog proves to be disturbing.
:Lenia: I was raised by a delver. I loot the bodies.
:Thog starts stuff one of the gobbo corpses into a sack.
:Singeon: "Hey, what for, Thog?"
:Thog: "Lunch."
:Lenia: "..."
:Beltarne: "bleargh, they're all yours my large friend"
:Singeon: "you don't have to offer me any. Already ate!"
:Lenia: "We have perfectly good rations, Thog. We'll even share."
:Sithis: "Thog cannot eat goblins, at least in front of Lenia."
:Thog: "Lenia want some Gobbo?"
:Lenia looks pale. Paler. That's a feat.
:Sithis: "No, Lenia don't likes people eat others creatures."
:Lenia: "Actually, if he wants to eat the goblins I haven't got any moral objection. It's just the aesthetics of it. Goblins stink."
:Thog: "If you gots other food, Thog leave gobbo here. No like the taste, anyway. Not like Halfling... yummy!"
;Thog proves to be quite useful.
:Sithis: "I want the crossbow."
:GM: You can't cock it Sithis - it has a metal bow and is too strong for you.
:Thog: "Here." Thog cocks crossbow easily.
:Sithis: "Well."
:Thog: "Dere."
:Beltarne: "Thog sure is handy."
;Singeon wishes he had more CPs.
:Narrator: Though the delvers looked, they couldn't see anything in the shaft - most of them could barely see it at all.
:Singeon curses his human eyes
;The GM knows all
:Singeon: Singeon stops crouching. Wants action. Does a full move.
:GM: About time, Mr. overconfident.
;The GM tells it like it is
:Singeon: Move and attack- dual sabers - wild swings. Miss by 6 and 4.
:Singeon: Oh well.
:GM: You totally kill that evil wood block holding up the ceiling. The goblin, not so much.
;Paranoia, self destroyer
:Narrator: Ahead of you, there is a small opening near the canyon floor.
:Singeon: "I feel like we are being watched."
:Lenia: "You always feel like we're being watched."
;The delvers object to the narration again.
:Narrator: Elated on their effortless victory, the delvers plunged into the mines.
:Thog: Crawled
:Lenia: Effortless? I'm down like 6FP here. It's like a marathon.
== Session 3 ==
;Thog is easily tricked.
:Arganyev: "We have an ogre in our back!"
:Thog: "GAH! Where!"
:Arganyev understands it is Thog!
:Thog: "Oooh. Thog see what you did there..."
;The delvers encounter crushrooms.
:Thog (after taking a 4d hit): What kind of damage roll was that?
:GM: Right, the crushrooms are weird mutant mushrooms with mouths on the top of their caps and insane strength. One of them is eating Sithis and another is preparing to eat Thog.
:Sithis: And the "seta" [Crushroom] is happy? :)
:GM: Oh. Uhm, it's making satisfied noises as it eats Sithis, I suppose.
;Lenia continues to argue with the narrator
:Narrator: The situation is desperate! Even the mage is forced into physical combat as the crushroom focus on eating Thog!
:Lenia: To heck with 'forced'; it's just far more efficient. Apparently I can't pick a spell list to save my teammates' lives.
;More crushroom fun
:Arganyev (shouting encouragement): "Stand up and fight, Thog! Don't be crushed by flesh eating vegetables!" 
:Singeon: Bit of philosophy, that is.
:Sithis: I'm unconscious, but I dream with Lenia healing the seta.... sense of the nature... ug...
:Lenia: "Actually, I'm pretty sure these are fungi, which are neither animal nor vegetable. That said, they're walking around and trying to eat us, so I'm not sure how to classify them."
:Singeon: Classification: Thog like (eats people)
:Lenia: Mushroomicus Eatingussicus.
:Beltarne: Ohshitthey're strongasaurus.
:Singeon: That's it, I'm learning taxonomy when we get back to Polisberg. 
:Singeon: I charge the crushroom, hit it twice, and do 16 damage. "Take that varmint we cannot classify!!!"
;Sithis takes action after being knocked unconscious
:GM: Sithis, your turn.
:Sithis: dream....
:GM: Right, right.
;Thog is a brawler
:GM: You knock it down and it stops moving.
:Thog: "HAH!"
:Arganyev: ! defeated with a Thog PUNCH!
:Thog: Thog right hook!
;More taxonomy studies
:Singeon: "Die.... unclassified creature!!!"
:Lenia: "Fungus."
:Sithis: "or seta."
:Arganyev: "that was Tofucthulu"
:Thog: "Setaplastante!"
;The delvers need to get up the chimney in a hurry
:Thog: Can I ready Lenia?
:GM: Yes.
:Lenia: No. o.o;
:GM: Are you stopping him, Lenia?
:Thog: "Don't worry. Me aim."
:Lenia: "I'd rather not be thrown?"
:Arganyev: "Don't worry, it is exciting! Beltarne, throw up Thog!"
:Beltarne: "I'll get right on that."
;The GM only provides so much sympathy
:Beltarne: "Hurry, lass! Our friends be needing us!"
:Lenia: "If I could climb faster, I would!"
:Arganyev: Climbing is slow
:GM: well, yes. Sorry.
:Arganyev: Thog could make the thing faster . . .
:Lenia: If people hadn't run ahead and tripped an ambush, the party would still be together and climbing wouldn't be an issue.
:GM: Well, yes. Not so sorry. =)
:Arganyev: We can discuss that while the children rips our throats here ;)
;Dungeon physics can be strange
:GM: You can just climb up the chimney, Thog.
:Thog: You said I wouldn't fit?
:GM: No, just that you couldn't jump.
:Arganyev: anxiety makes you thinner
:GM: All dungeon passages are conveniently sized so you can, at least, barely fit through.
== Session 4 ==
;Mark is showing pictures of his scarred face after being bit by a dog.
:Demonsbane: I hope a good healing, without scar
:Nate: Nah, chicks dig scars
:Mark: But now we know what Arganyev looked like after the rats fed on him.
:Nate: heh
:Harald: Cars, Nate.
:Harald: Chicks dig cars.
:Nate: Tomato, tomato.
:Nate: ...That really doesn't convey well in a written medium.
;Lenia discovers that not Concussing your friends makes them happy. Who knew?
:Narrator: The ball of concussive energy touches ground beneath the skull, and there is a loud thunderclap. The delvers blink, and when they look again, the flaming skull is completely gone.
:Beltarne: Shaka-khan!
:GM: And she didn't hit her allies, either. Weird. =)
:Singeon is awed. That says something.
;A discussion of tactics
:Sithis: "but... why are there so many bodies in the floor, if the skull are so... feeble?"
:Singeon: "Feeble? Only because I worked 'em down."
:Lenia (shooting Singeon a glare): "Because who worked them down? And what's this --" she kicks at the torch, getting it away from the books "-- doing on the potentially valuable loot? Did you just forget that we were here to collect Dunner's writings?"
:Singeon: "A distraction. It didn't work anyway."
:Beltarne (slapping Singeon on the back of the head): "Think of better distractions, moron, preferrably one that doesn't send up $10000 in smoke."
== Session 5 ==
;Simple questions, strange answers.
:Singeon: "I don't want to camp here... i got a bad feeling. As always."
:Arganyev: "Singeon, what is the worst can be happening?"
:Singeon: "Some demigod is tracking me to torture me for 1000 years."
;Delver wisdom
:Lenia: Thoroughness is the road to profit and glory.
;Smart-asses
:Singeon: Tunnels are dark, right?
:Arganyev: and left: entirely lacking of any light.
;Another discussion of tactics ends well
:GM: Sorry! It's a swarm of wasps, not spiders. That makes more sense.
:Singeon (whispering): "The snake is mine."
:Lenia: "I don't think the snake is the problem. Those wasps may be, though."
:GM: Uhm. Wasps. Yeah, they're angry too. They'll attack anything, except other animals due to interspecies courtesy.
:Thog: "Thog not like getting bitten."
:Beltarne: Create Air might be effective.
:Lenia: Yeah.
:Beltarne: Or center the Concussion on the wasps.
:Lenia: I'd rather disperse the swarm.
:Beltarne: Hippy.
;The obligatory bit where people argue with the narrator
:Narrator: Lenia speaks, and the walls ahead echo with thunder. Aside from wincing, Singeon and Sithis are unaffected, but the bats flutter in agony and run into walls.
:Beltarne: You know bats actually have decent vision, unfortunately.
:GM: Poetic license. and no, I didn't.
;Strange questions, simple answers.
:GM: Why does Lenia have more DR than Beltarne?
:Lenia: Because I'm a munchkin.
;Some questions are easy to answer.
:Narrator: Rocks continue to pour from ceiling, rapidly getting larger and larger, until a cascade of rocks larger than your heads half-fills the tunnel. Anyone standing beneath that mass would be crushed!
:Narrator: Thin cracks spread out on the floor, racing towards you, and more pebbles begin to drop from the ceiling.
:Singeon: Can we run past it?
:GM: Past the 4' tall mound of rocks? No, running past that would be hard.
;Some rules are easy to explain
:Arganyev: run!
:GM: your move is 4.
:Arganyev: I add 1 yard more, for sustained running?
:GM: Not on uneven ground while tremors are knocking rocks out of the ceiling and it's dark.
:GM: Just saying.
:Arganyev: yes, I remember that now.
;Sometimes the situation is desperate, with a cherry on top.
:Narrator: A faint light shines ahead of Sithis, illuminating the way that the tunnel floor gives way sharply. In front of her, a chasm. Behind her, the tunnel collapses.
:Narrator: Also, there's a swarm of wasps.
;Some questions are very hard to answer
:Wasps: The wasps swarm Thog.
:Arganyev: "What a demonic bent in ignoring their own fear and biting to us to our deaths!"
:Wasps: More wasps swarm Arganyev and Beltarne.
:Wasps: Each of them takes 1 damage.
:Arganyev: "Isn't this a bit strange? Sure the Tome has something to do..."
:Sithis: "The tome is mine! remember!"
:Lenia: "No, I think we've just pissed off a really large swarm of wasps by bringing a cave down on their heads."
:Singeon: "You think?"
== Session 6 ==
;Lenia doesn't handle pain well.
:Lenia: What I want to say: "There is a rope. There is time to use the rope. Stop panicking." What I actually say: "OH GOD GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!"
;The GM is cruel
:Singeon: I can jump 19 feet
:GM: You can probably make it in 1 go with a Jumping check.
:Singeon: Okay
:Narrator: Singeon leaps into space!
:Singeon (yelling): "I never miss"
:Sithis: and??
:Arganyev: success?
:GM: Dunno, he doesn't land until next turn =)
:Singeon: Tease.
:Arganyev: that is suspense
;Thog leaps across the chasm immediately after Singeon
:Thog: SUPER-OGRE-RUNNING-JUMP!
:Sithis: Thog, don't jump, please,perhaps the others need of your help
:GM: He's gone, hurtling in the air.
:Singeon: He gonna crush me, ain't he?
:Thog: Yup
:GM: Likely.
:Narrator: Singeon touches down on the far side, safely.
:Thog: Safe is such a relative term...
:Arganyev: jump back and try again!
:Singeon: I want to acrobatic roll out of anyones way that may land on me
:GM: Sure, all-out defense and a turn. I'm good with it.
:GM: You land and flip to see what's coming - mainly, Thog.
:Arganyev: The Ogre Menace
;Assigning blame
:Arganyev: I remember the beautiful days, before these Thunderclaps... All was so easy, our lives so comfortable...
:Lenia: "It's not my fault notbody noticed the cavern was unstable! Get these bats off me!"
;Singeon has convinced the others of his importance
:GM: You see - a door. Light shines from above, from no visible source. It's just bright, like daylight.
:Singeon: Magical, maybe?
:Arganyev: its no more than your own spotlight, Singeon
;Ogre-Dwarf hostility
:Thog: Aim!
:GM: what are you aiming at?
:Thog: Other side
:GM: you draw a bead on Beltarne.
:Thog: That works
;Thog isn't always helpful
:Arganyev: I swing to the other side, or at least I try to do it
:GM: well, you had a bad start, and swing out into the chasm, but don't quite make it to the far side. like a pendulum, you swing back.
:Arganyev: I'm a pendulum. "Help me, Beltarne! push me to the other side!"
:Beltarne: "Nae, laddy, that's not the way!" 
:GM: Beltarne attempts to push you or grab you or something but doesn't manage.
:Thog: Tie rope to arrow, Thog Shoot Arganyev, pull him this side!
:Thog: Yes?
:GM: laughs hysterically
:GM whispering to Thog: Good plan! 
;Clever planning doesn't trump poor execution
:GM: The tunnel is just slightly taller than Thog. The door is a normal door, slightly taller than Arganyev. It has Polisberg hallmarks on it.
:Thog: I poke the door with my staff.
:GM: You hear a sharp hissing sound, like someone drawing in breath, from the far side, but nothing else.
:Lenia: "I'm worried about what's on the other side of that door."
:Thog: Poke the door again.
:Singeon: I'm glad you are seeing things my way, Lenia.
:Singeon: They are out to get us, you know.
:GM: You guys hear faint clinking noises, like someone getting their gear ready.
:Arganyev: ok, I agree about resting here, if cracks aren't pursuing us now
:Lenia: "I don't think we have time to rest, people. A charge out that door could push us into the chasm."
:Singeon: We may not have a choice
:Sithis: I hide
:Thog: Thog knocks on the door.
:Thog: "Hello? Youse there?"
:Arganyev: I wait
:GM: No one responds. At the door, I mean.
:Sithis: Thog, can you throw down the door?;
:Thog: "Hello?" Thog Knocks again.
:Singeon: "Candygram!"
:Lenia: Have I got time to pull out a fresh vial of Paut? I really need the energy back.
:GM: Sure, we're not on combat time.
:Thog: "Gold delivery!"
:Singeon: I don't need to be a tactical expert to know we lost the element of surprise here.
;The delvers are anxious
:Sithis: I enter in
:Arganyev: we enter
:Singeon: Im going!
:Sithis: I enter more in
:Singeon: I double enter.
:GM: hey, crack monkeys - calm down a second while the GM explains what's going on.
:Narrator: The delvers stepped into a room, apparently molded out of the living stone.
:Thog: 'Crack monkeys?'
:Singeon: Monster Manual V: South Central Creatures, I believe
;Someone critically failed their Hidden Lore check
:GM whispering to Lenia: Though this looks something like a Peshkali, it's actually a variant demon beast. You can't kill it's arms. You need to cut off the tail and the head. Also, don't get close - it has a stinking breath.
:GM whispering to Arganyev: This is a peshkali. it's a guardian demon. you can't kill it until you cut off the arms. it the meantime, it will kill you. 
;Peshkalis are complicated
:GM: sorry, had to look up a metric butt ton of rules there.
:Singeon: That what GURPS is all about
:Jake the Canuck: I believe that's metric butte-tonne
;The GM is unsympathetic
:Singeon: I have 2 HP left, I am at 1/2 move
:Arganyev: Im at 1 HP ;)
:GM: hmm. well, that's a problem. for you. fortunately, she's out of attacks.
;Thog is cool, but so is the Peshkali
:Thog: Fast draw arrow, shoot demon.
:GM: from a prone position? with your allies in the way? cool.
:Thog: ...Prone?
:Lenia (Harald387): Failed the knockdown/stun check, remember?
:GM: you fell down when you were stunned, like everyone else in GURPS rules.
:Thog: I guess I can hold the bow sideways? Gangsta-style?
:GM: you're a heroic archer. if you don't take a penalty for running, why take one for lying down? you don't get your Acc bonus, though.
:Thog: Whoo-hoo!
:GM: I really do think it's cool. you're at a -4 for Singeon being in the way, though.
:Thog: ALL-OUT ATTACK: Determined... Success! by 5
:GM: well.
:Thog: "DIE, SNAKE-LADY!"
:Demon: Dodge... Success! by 1
:Thog: twitch
:GM: she's fast. did I mention she's fast?
;Sithis gets creative
:GM: you stab the circle. nothing happens except you mar it some.
:Sithis: and the demon?
:Arganyev: she is having good fun
:Sithis: she feels something?;
:GM: she looks at you and hisses, but is busy killing and being carved up by Arganyev and Singeon. If something happened to her, it isn't immediately apparent.
;Silly question
:Singeon: Step, Feint, Attack a Weapon Arm. There is a weapon arm available here, yes?
:GM: Singeon, yes, six of them =)
;Peshkalis are hardcore
:Thog: This time for sure... Arrow goes in the bow:
:Thog: Arrow goes in the demon:
:GM: you drive another bolt into her. she seems annoyed... but not, you know, inconvenienced.
:Singeon: Don't annoy her! Kill her!
:Thog: Should I even bother with the damage?
:GM: No. Supernatural Durability is a bitch and half.
;Someone's right, someone's wrong
:Lenia: "You idiots, this is Dunner's guardian demon. Take off her head and her tail!"
:Singeon: "I did the head pretty good."
:Lenia: "So do it again!"
:Arganyev: "Her power is in her arms, Lenia!"
:Lenia: "That would be for a normal demon! This one's different!"
;We agree
:GM: you cut into her tail, half severing it. she drags it limply on the ground now.
:Singeon: wink at her. She can't have me no matter how hard she tries.
:Singeon: I realize that made no sense.
;Celebrating victory with bad puns
:GM: her sword arms are all cut up - she's only get 1 good arm, with the spear in it. you proceed to whack it off.
:Arganyev: how many arms remain? The spear one , and the shield one?
:Thog: 0 arms remain.
:GM: technically, the peshkali should survive for 1 more round with her shield arm, but she has absolutely no offense, so I think the 3 of you can remove a half-crippled arm.
:Thog: She is officially 'armless.
== Session 7 ==
;The GM argues with a player
:Arganyev: "what is that book, again? More summoning mini-manuals?"
:Narrator: The Tome is really more of a summoning macro-manual.
;Lenia can be literal.
:Singeon: "I vote we explore the door. My blades scream for blood!"
:Lenia: "You should get that checked out by a cleric."
;Sometimes a good idea isn't.
:GM: As Sithis runs forward and down the steps, she notices all kinds of caltrops and spikes stuck in the stairs. She dodges them easily. 
:GM: one of the rotted boards begins to give, but she easily leaps over it.
:Arganyev: I try to follow Sithis path, for avoiding caltrops as she did an instant before
:GM: You don't step right... but your tough boots absorb the damage.
:GM: You do manage to step exactly where Sithis did - on the weakened board - and it breaks beneath you, dropping you do the ground.
:Sithis: Why I don't take damage?
:GM: You're not taking damage because you see in the dark, weigh almost nothing, and dodge caltrops. Arganyev doesn't have these advantages. 
;Interpretation
:Zombie: "grrrr" the zombie guardsmen stand ready. "arg" the zombie slingers twirl their slings and aim.
:Arganyev: "Arg? What do they mean?"
:Lenia: "They mean 'eat the holy warrior first', I'm sure."
;The GM's disappointment leads to a discussion of professional standards
:Zombie: 2 of the slingers release. one hits Thog, the other hits Lenia. Lenia may dodge.
:Lenia: Deflect Missile.
:GM: Yourself or Thog?
:Lenia: Myself.
:Lenia: Deflect Missile. Critical Success!
:Arganyev: !
:GM: fine, fine, by the way. both sling stones are deflected.
:GM: Some days, it's hardly worth trying to kill a bunch of delvers.
:Lenia: Well, we're professionals.
:Arganyev: sure
:GM: You guys almost forgot to loot a chest.
;Bridging the language barrier
:Sithis: bah, pig skeleton!
:GM: Pig skeleton?
:GM: whatever.
:Arganyev: it was an insult, in Spanish, again...
:Sithis: yes, a pig skeleton!
:GM: I'll have to remember that one.
;GM gets frustrated
:Singeon: I wanna be a zombie
:GM: then stop using luck when I hit you!
;Fodder, worthies, and zombie hit points
:Zombie: the zombie guard remembers he's a worthy foe, not a minion, and recovers from stun. though he is disarmed. drat. 
:Arganyev: so Skeleton B 3 is a "tough"? I mean, a worthy.
:Singeon: He and i are dancing
:GM: Yeah, these are worthies.
:Arganyev: all them, including slingers?
:GM: there's no point in having 8 million bajillion hit points if you fall down on a single hit.
:Lenia: More importantly, IT means a lot less if one hit kills you. >.>
;Honest and bragging
:GM: Thog misses his target, but hits the zombie next to it.
:Thog: "That not zombie Thog aim for!"
:Lenia: "You're not supposed to advertise that, Thog."
:Thog: "Thog honest! Not clever!"
;Blowing holes in the language barrier
:Sithis: I take my personal basis and I do fire for burn this zombie so heavy
:GM: Say that again?
:Sithis: I take my "personal basics" from my gear,
:Sithis: and I do fire for to burn the zombie
:Narrator: Sithis drops a knife and replaces it with an alchemical match, then uses the match to ignite the zombie. It begins burning and mostly stops moving.
== Session 8 ==
;Scottish, Pirate, Swedish, something.
:Beltarne: "Aye, I be morre than able to push forrwarrd. Bettar that we catch them unawarres now!"
:GM (whispering to Beltarne): I see your pseudo-Scottish accent is as bad as mine. 
:Beltarne: (whispering): I have to be careful or I end up in Swedish chef territory.
;Vanity
:Singeon: I run at Lobsterman 4 and running broad jump across water.
:GM: The water is only knee deep, though.
:Singeon: Don't wanna get my boots wet
:Lenia: Translation: This gives him an opportunity to show off.
;Predictability
:GM: Lenia blocks the shot and will be hit instead!
:Lenia: Deflect Missile.
:GM: I know that.
:GM: Lenia's spell harmlessly deflects the attack.
;Allies, obstacles...
:Thog: can I see lob6?
:GM: There's a lot of stuff in the way. Doesn't look like it to me.
:GM: By "stuff", I mean Singeon and his dance partners.
;Good roleplaying isn't always good tactics
:Singeon: I acrododge!
:Arganyev: "he dodges successfully, creating a neologism"
:GM: Not wanting to have your arm broken and your crushed body tossed in the water, you jump out of the way.
:Singeon: I consider that a wise choice. +5 cp for excellent roleplay!
:GM: Ha. whispering to Singeon, Wise choices, and Singeon? More like -5 for poor roleplaying. =) 
;The enemy isn't helpful.
:Arganyev: folks, anyway, I don't see any apparent exit from this damned "room", perhaps we should go out from here? These guys don't seem very cooperative in the idea of being defeated by us.
;The delvers start agreeing with the narrator and arguing with each other
:Narrator: The purple ball strikes Arganyev's back, and tendrils of energy crawl up his spine. As they touch his helmet, they shimmer and disappear. Arganyev shakes his head briefly.
:GM: That was anticlimatic. Guess I'll just have to kill you.
:Arganyev: ha!
:Lenia: Welcome to my world, mister lobsterman wizard. :P
:Sithis: do you want to kill Arganyev too??
:Lenia: There are moments...
:Sithis: yes, I know :)
;We need a literary precedent
:Sithis: just Gandalf says the others run against the Balrog...
:Sithis: why us can't run out?
:Singeon: Gandalf never fought lobsters
:Singeon: Really not much of an argument, I know...
== Session 9 ==
;Maybe Sithis has too many weapons
:Sithis: in fact, I have nothing in my hands
:GM: no, you had 2 silver knives, dropped 1, and drew a goblin knife.
:Sithis: but, where are my knives? I don't know
:GM: You have 1 in each hand, plus another 11 strapped all over your body.
:Sithis: then, I have 1 knife in my hand... good, then I put it in the eye of lobster 6!
:Lenia: Redefining 'overarmed'...
;Good descriptions don't always equal good luck.
:Lenia: All-out (strong) staff swing, telegraphed, for the skull of the helpless, badly wounded disgusting abomination against nature at my feet.
:GM: Heroic!
:Lenia: Some things just need a-killing. Proceeds to roll poorly, even using her luck.
:Lenia: *cry*
;What she said
:Narrator: The last lobsterknight brings his blade back around and smashes it into Singeon's crossed sabers. Shards of ebony fly everywhere as the blade shatters.
:Singeon (yelling): "I planned that!"
:Arganyev: you don't need to say it!
:Lenia: Singeon is clever, not honest.
;Judging capabilities
:GM: The last lobster knight loses control of his shield as he tries to flee. Then he's knocked around a bit. And, uhm, killed.
:Singeon: "Thats a warning to our new friends!" 
:GM: The 4 new lobstermen take heed of the situation and dive back into the water.
:GM: combat is over (I assume the 6 of you can kill 1 stunned, crawling, wounded elder spawn).
:Singeon: I don't know about that!
:GM: I'll take it on faith.
;More language issues
:Sithis: "Perhaps Beltarne?"
:Beltarne: "Nae, I aen't got a kit on mae, but I think a lil' work wit' one oa Sithis' fine knives be thae thing."
:Arganyev: "We need a more delicate surgery, mate."
:Beltarne: "Aie be kennin tha cuttin', but on thae men, not on thae beasties."
:Singeon: Do you speak common?
:Beltarne: If I start going "Bork Bork Bork" I'm broken.
;More delver wisdom
:Sithis: "Guys! I find my knife and a lot of coins, look!"
:Lenia: "Coins? We like coins. Coins don't require negotiation for value."
;The ongoing debate
:Singeon: "If you look closely at those stars over there, they are in the shape of me."
:Lenia: "You should probably get your eyes checked along with your swords."
;Poetic?
:Singeon: Fast-draw rapiers and move like a thing that moves fast!
;A failure to agree on the course of action
:Lenia: "Hang back, everyone. I think I can probably talk some peace into them."
:Singeon, Arganyev, and Sithis charge forward.
:Lenia: "You guys have such an excellent grasp of 'Hang back'."
:Arganyev: Lenia is very able to make a negotiation, folks
:Sithis: with bandits? I disbelieve
:Arganyev: well.... I move forward, running all the possible with my shield raised for cover!
:Lenia: You know, I have the strangest feeling that it'll be difficult to convince them a peaceful solution is possible.
:Lenia: What with the insane people charging towards them with bared steel.
:Lenia: "We're going to have to work on the 'Hang back and negotiate" tactic, folks."
:Sithis: I don't want negotiate! I'm bloodlust!!
:Sithis: I don't want negotiate with bandits anyway
;Negotiations are successful!
:Bandit: "Give us your gold, or die!"
:Beltarne: We haven't even ASKED if they'd like to negotiate.
:Beltarne: Oh. Never mind. There's the negotiation.
:Lenia: "Yes, something about insane people charging them with pointy things rather than trying to talk to them."
;Finally!
:GM: Congratulations! You have defeated the defenses of the Caverns of Madness!
Category:Saga of Westmarch