124077-3-25-2015-zero-to-50-tldr

== Content ==
			
I'm having a very Howard Beale type of day.  I got to spend most of last night and a bit of this morning at the ER.  I'm starting to hit the end of my patience.  Ironically, I think this might make me nicer to Tony today.  At least there's one man making my job easy, right?  I mean, today's Zero to Fifty is only 37 seconds long!  My TL;DR shouldn't even be a complete sentence!  I...
 
Oh, that's a stutter.  There's another video.  Well.... 56 minutes isn't bad.  Damn, has this week been full of a lot of disappointment on all fronts.  Alright, let's get started...  and get this over with so I can start mindlessly enjoying the slaughter of pixels.  It's healthy, right?  We start the stream with Tony giving DD *cupcake*.  Apparently, he's trying to steal my job.  Take it from a man that runs sound, wires and hoodies are always a bad combination.  Besides, what are you wearing that for?  It's California?  Maybe it's because Tony finds it alluring....
 
-They start late because... the Twitch account got hacked?  Hey, it wasn't sound this time!  That's great!  That's progress!  There will be a deep dive article coming out tomorrow.... TODAY!  Thank you, Wildstar, your news of impending costume and pet improvements is the bright spot in my week.
 
-DD mentions Esther Williams, a now-obscure figure who was both an incredible actress and a famous diver, back when our famous people could do two things well instead of doing nothing well.  Tony has no idea who DD is talking about.  Story of my life....  DD challenges Tony to write an essay on Esther Williams.  Tony has mastered that she was probably famous a long time ago from her name.  I'd have a joke for that if I wasn't so busy shaking my head.
 
-Tony wants to jump into the game and teases great fan art.  He is immediately distracted by DD having tea with her.  He wonders why he never had a drink in front of him.  I'm not sure why he didn't think of that.  Every late night show host has one.  I guess this isn't late night viewing to most of you...
 
-Tony gets into the game to start some SERIOUS LEVELING AND TO STEP UP HIS GAME!  They spend the next ten minutes looking at each others' costumes.  We've all been there.  They are in the Falkrin warzone in Galeras.  Tony immediately realizes his buttons are in the wrong setup.  Rather than expertly explain how you rebind your keys or LAS (whichever is actually mixed up; he doesn't specify), he just decides to "wing it."  Thankfully, Dasmoose saves the entertainment of the stream by making sure Tony doesn't have to actually learn to play.  They've got Stormtalon's Lair on the agenda here soon!  We'd be depressed if Tony actually learned to not die before then!
 
-Tony stands in the telegraph for a catapult airstrike.  As he explains to the stream what he will do to avoid that, he manages to get struck by lightning.  Again, Tony... nobody is "paytronizing" you for your skills.
 
-Nothing noteworthy happens for a while because Tony actually seems to do what he's supposed to be doing and not dying.  DD brings up The Big Bang Theory.  I agree, Tony, that show is to nerds what the Black and White Minstrel show must be to Ice Cube.
 
-Tony performs a Michael Caine impression.  However, it sounds like his Schwarzenegger impression.  Leave it to Tony to mix up an English CBE with an Austrian bodybuilder renowned for playing a robotic killing machine.  Which isn't to say he's failing at the game... he doesn't do anything too stupid.  He's opening with charged shot, though not always charged all the way up.  He's not talking while he plays.  I've got nothing, he may actually be learning to play as his showmanship decreases.  By next month, he'll have all the playing skills of Timetravel.... and all the charisma of Timetravel.
 
-Tony relates that the last time he went to Target, he decided to do a Christopher Walken impression all the way through.  He relates that he did this to embarrass his wife.  What he actually did was break up the tedium of working at Target.  Seriously, the number of times I wished the idiot in front of me would shut the Hell up with his overly long story about his grandmother and just tell me he needs a television antenna.  At least someone doing it in a Walken voice would have been entertaining.  He then gives an NPC a Snake Pliskin voice.  No credit to Kurt Russell, though.
 
-Tony tries to say he's cultured.  He's not.  He wants to call the stream "A Little Roughed Up."  He's not.  He said he went to Boston and froze his ass off.  He didn't.  You think Boston's cold?  Boston's getting snow because they aren't cold enough, the pressures are colliding and forming precipitation.  Get in that low pressure and have the temperature drop a few degrees below zero, when it's too cold to even snow anything other than showers of ice crystals.  Have a cold wind blow straight through leather.  See how rough that feels!
 
-Tony says "eff it."  DD cringes.  She's ready to avoid the stray fire.  Sarah allows it.  At least DD shows better survival instincts than the dearly departed Frost.
 
-Tony continues playing, then asks for the channel to be monitored.  He says he shouldn't monitor chat and play at the same time, because he wouldn't be paying attention.... My God...
 
 
-Tony takes a question from the straem.  Tony would love to do some events in the PTR, but needs tools to do it.  They are developing those tools now.  Hold on.... I think I forgot to take my medication.... it almost looked like Tony fielded a question from the stream and gave a meaningful answer.  But that's crazy.... that doesn't happen anymore.  Tony takes another question and does mention there are pictures out there of many vanity pets from the PTR.  This.... I feel funny.... what's happening?  Did I imagine the last six months, and suddenly, they're taking questions on the stream?  Could someone tell me if rerolling rune slots was just a dream?
 
-Tony hums the synth line to the Final Countdown.  He thinks this is a good way to count down his takeoff from the Falkrin area.  Caydiem recommends Danger Zone.  I recommend this.
 
-DD asks for a flying mount.  A cry from the devs are heard.  The ground cracks.  The fire rises.  All the world weeps save for Loki in the form of a giant.  YOU ARE WHY RAGNAROK UNFOLDS, DD!  YOU ARE THE END OF THE EARTH!
 
-OH FINALLY!  Tony does something I can genuinely make fun of!  He goes the wrong way!  He admits he has no idea where he's going and has a horrible sense of direction.  But he won't pull over and ask for directions from DD.  Tony grabs his mob, then turns around to leave.  Even with EVERYONE around him mounted up, he's traveling on foot.  He attempts to thread the needle between two Osun.  Roda, mounted, rides straight through one and pulls him.  Tony grabs the mob and says, "RODA PULLED HIM!"  Yes, Tony, but Roda was mounted and will outrun them...  So yeah, Tony, it is actually your fault... even though Roda pulled....
 
-Its fan art time.  Tony and DD look at each other "weird".  So they stare at each other for a few seconds.  I don't notice any difference.  We get a pink manga Aurin shot from Anthony Ferachi.  Rackham Crowley gives us an AWESOME comic I can only read in my own internal Clint Eastwood impression.  Madeleine Roux shows off her Aurin ears.  Tony says they're Chua ears.  Dude.... racist and awkward.  And like anyone being racist and awkward in California, Tony is promptly shot in the face.  DD refuses to go the way of Frost.  You can catch up with Madeleine Roux at @authoroux.  I think she's famous or something.  Show off your fan art by emailing it to fanart@wildstar-online.com.
 
-Tony assumes Buster Casey is fast at typing.  He's just faster than Tony...  Eclips is doing his damndest to kill Tony, but the laws of game mechanics outweigh the laws of physics.  Especially on Entity.
 
-Tony impersonates his mother using a very racist regional Spanish accent.  Tony, what gives you the right to make that joke, huh?
 
-What follows is ten minutes of a group essentially killing things for a Tony that doesn't appear to need them as much anymore.  I guess playing once a week eventually might teach you how to play, right?  I'm eager to see how he does in a dungeon, now!  Only because that week I'll probably have more material handy.
 
-Wait, I was alt-tabbed.  DD is looking for a big one and they're groaning because they're so close!  It doesn't look like anything's happening on the stream except for Tony humming the Final Countdown again...  And DD seeing a big ugly lady.  You think that's fight music Tony?  When assaulting a lone enemy with overwhelming force as part of a large group, I recommend this.
 
-Anyway.... DING!  TWENTY-...two....  *sigh*  Is there a rise in the maximum level we're racing?  We might not make it.
 
-Tony decides to try to quiet up Bob Ross style.  That sounds creepy for everyone except Bob Ross.  He says he's going to go listen to Taylor Swift's "22".  DD can't hide her disdain.  Tony attempts to find a replacement for her.  I recommend we find a replacement for Tony's music.  Taylor Swift is NOT suitable musical material for a game designer, Tony!  DD recommends Sex Pistols.  I recommend this.  Up your game, Tony.
 
-Someone says they'll resubscribe because of the two people on screen being genuine.  They do their best to dissuade him by being as genuine as possible.
 
That's it.  We're done.  I'm going to go do something like cheese-grater my eyeballs.	
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I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I just got back from that first link and... 54 pets are being added in drop 5? Srs? :blink:
 
One of those has to be a chua cub, right? :wub:
 
edit: I know, I know, chua aren't pets... I meant, uh, companion...
 
omg, maybe it's a chua cub in a knapsack on your back? can that be a thing?	
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I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I just got back from that first link and... 54 pets are being added in drop 5? Srs? :blink:
 
One of those has to be a chua cub, right? :wub:
 
edit: I know, I know, chua aren't pets... I meant, uh, companion...
 
omg, maybe it's a chua cub in a knapsack on your back? can that be a thing?
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I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I just got back from that first link and... 54 pets are being added in drop 5? Srs? :blink:
 
One of those has to be a chua cub, right? :wub:
 
edit: I know, I know, chua aren't pets... I meant, uh, companion...
 
omg, maybe it's a chua cub in a knapsack on your back? can that be a thing?
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Chua are friends, not pets. 
 
 
Made this for twitter earlier while I was goofing around: 
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By next month, he'll have all the playing skills of Timetravel.... and all the charisma of Timetravel.
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</3
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Don't worry, TT, you're Dominion!  If you're born of suitable stock, they have to fawn over you! :D
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My esper is offended. I will be #1 last forever and ever.
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My esper is offended. I will be #1 last forever and ever.
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My esper is offended. I will be #1 last forever and ever
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My esper is offended. I will be #1 last forever and ever.
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I tried watching a Zero to Fifty once...
 
Once.
 
~cringe~	
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I tried watching a Zero to Fifty once...
 
Once.
 
~cringe~
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Zero to Fifteen*
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Seriously.
 
I thought the Zero to Fifty was going to be like a weekend rush to 50 thing.
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Players actually did do one of those (I think referenced about a month ago on the stream).  It was called Failures to 50, where a group of five people streamed going from 1-50 in I think 42 hours of real time (though they took breaks, slept, etc).  Did it within two days of real time, though.
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5 people relaying or a group of 5 different characters together?
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			#hardcore	
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#hardcore
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