Maraschino Ruby/Transcript

[We open the short as we hear Snake's voice.]
MR. SNAKE: (offscreen; to Wolf) Come on, Wolf. It's too dangerous. 
[Fade open to show The City Times newspaper with the front page showing a red ruby on display. The headline reads, “MARASCHINO RUBY ON DISPLAY AT MUSEUM.” Underneath it is text reading, "THIS RARE RUBY IS MORE THAN JUST EYE CANDY." On the side is a photo of a confident Luggins with text reading “The Ruby is safe from those STUPID, LAME and STUPID Bad Guys.”]
SNAKE: (offscreen; to Wolf) Why would we steal the Maraschino Ruby?
MR. WOLF: (offscreen; to Snake) Thought we have a clean slate. Look what the chief said about us. (reads the text as he and Snake leave the gas station store onscreen) "The ruby is safe from those stupid, lame and stupid Bad Guys?”
SNAKE: (shocked; sees the text) Whoa! Two stupids?! (as they get in the car with the others) Okay, I’m in.
[Snake gets out a Push Pop, pushes it up, and licks it. Wolf notices the Push Pop.]
WOLF: (quizzically; to Snake) Hey, did you pay for that Push Pop?
SNAKE: (defensive; to Wolf) What? Do you wanna see a reciept?
[Suddenly, police cars show up at the gas station.]
POLICE OFFICER: (via megaphone; to the Bad Guys) Freeze!
WOLF: (grins; to the crew) Let's do this!
[They drive off. Scene stops to flash Mr. Wolf's name next to him.]
WOLF: (voiceover; explains) Okay, to get to the ruby, first we'll need some disguises.
[Slide-transition to the museum, a security guard orders his fellows to head out. As they leave, they don't notice it's Mr. Shark in disguise. He winks to the camera while his name flashes.]
MR. SHARK: (voiceover; smiles) I got this.
[Slide-transition to a metal door being kicked.]
WOLF: (voiceover; explains) Then, break our way in.
[Mr. Piranha karate-kicks down the door and his name flashes next to him.]
MR. PIRANHA: (voiceover; excitedly) Blammo!
[Slide-transition to Ms. Tarantula typing on her computer, hacking the system.]
WOLF: (voiceover; explains) Hack the security system.
[She taps one key, and the security system is down. Her name flashes next to her.]
MS. TARANTULA: (voiceover; smiles) Done and done.
[Slide-transition to Mr. Snake turning the dial.]
WOLF: (voiceover; explains) Crack the lock.
[The display case opens and Mr. Snake's name flashes next to him.]
SNAKE: (voiceover; smirks) Hand-free.
[Slide-transition to Mr. Wolf standing close to the Maraschino Ruby.]
WOLF: (voiceover; explains) And then finally...
[He goes to grab the ruby when a flashlight shines on him. It was Misty Luggins.]
CHIEF MISTY LUGGINS: (spots him; confidently) Aha! Gotcha! I knew you couldn’t resist after calling you stupid twice… (notices something; frowns) Wait.
[She sees Officer Bob holding the Maraschino Ruby.]
CHIEF LUGGINS: (confused; to Bob) Officer Bob? What are you doing here?
OFFICER BOB: (shows her the newspaper; to Luggins) City News reports the Maraschino Ruby is possibly fake. (puts it away) And... (sniffs the Ruby) It does seem like it's made of candy. (licks the ruby)
CHIEF LUGGINS: (marches over; to Bob) Well, of course it is! I made it myself. (gets out the real Maraschino Ruby) The real one’s with me at all times. This was all an elaborate plot to catch the Bad Guys.
OFFICER BOB: (sets the fake ruby diamond back on display; to Luggins) I thought they’d gone good, but it turns out they were arrested earlier today.
CHIEF LUGGINS: (shocked; as the camera zooms in) What?!
[Zoom on her face as we transition to a police car arriving at the station. Inside, Bob leads Luggins to the interrogation room, where Wolf, Snake, Piranha, and Tarantula are there.]
WOLF: (shows Luggins the two STUPIDS on the newspaper; smirks) That’s two stupids too many, chief.
CHIEF LUGGINS: (shocked; as she and Bob enter) I-I can’t believe my eyes. How?!
OFFICER BOB: (shuts the door; explains) They were taken in this morning for stealing a... (checks the clipboard; confused) a push pop.
SNAKE: (smirks; to the two) Allegedly.
[He pulls up the push pop and licks it before noticing his mistake. He grimaces and lowers it down.]
CHIEF LUGGINS: (laughs; to the crew) A crime is a crime, and you are (sings; grins) GUIL-TY! (speaks; smilles evilly) Even if it's for a minor legal infraction, case closed! I win and you..
[Suddenly, Mr. Shark bursts in, disguised as a lawyer.]
SHARK: (in disguise; to the cops) Objection. Jude Lawson, Attorney at law. (sets down a briefcase on the table) And I am outraged, OUTRAGED, to see my poor, frightened clients being interrogated without their lawyer present, (opens the briefcase; smiles) which I am! 
[He gets out a receipt and Luggins takes it to look at it.]
SHARK: (in disguise; to the cops) Exhibit A: a receipt for 79 cents, thus proving they are entirely innocent. Furthermore, planting a fake ruby for them to steal is called (slams the briefcase shut; frowns) entrapment. Which is an illegal crime! (ordering; to Bob) Officer, arrest this officer!
CHIEF LUGGINS: (shocked; to the disguised Shark) What?! That is ridiculous!
OFFICER BOB: (handcuffs Luggins; apologetically) It's true. Sorry. Major legal infraction.
CHIEF LUGGINS: (shocked; to Bob) But...
WOLF: (grabs the phone and dials a number; smirks) Hold on, chief. We won’t press charges if you’d like to retract a certain statement.
[He holds the phone close to Luggins's ear.]
WOMAN: (offscreen; on phone) City News, can I help you?
[She grimaces nervously. Cut to a newspaper thrown at the doors of the police station. Bob picks it up and walks to the chief’s office, where Luggins is crying.]
CHIEF LUGGINS: (sadly; to Bob) Can’t believe we almost had them! (cries; shoves her face into her hat)
OFFICER BOB: (comforts Luggins; to Luggins) There, there, chief. (shows her the newspaper; smiles) On the bright side, the real Maraschino Ruby has been returned to the museum.
[Luggins looks at the newspaper to see the headline reading, “REAL MARASCHINO RUBY RETURNED TO MUSEUM.” On the side is a photo of an embarrassed Luggins with text reading “The Ruby is safe from those NOT SO STUPID Bad Guys.”]
CHIEF LUGGINS: (shocked; to Bob) Wait. But I… but I didn’t return the… 
[She realizes something and digs through her pockets.]
CHIEF LUGGINS: (in horror; as she digs through her pockets) Oh, no, no, no, no!
[She gets out Mr. Snake’s Push Pop. Zoom in to her face to show a flashback in the interrogation room.]
WOLF: (grabs the phone and dials a number; smirks) Hold on, chief. Retract a certain statement.
[Camera pans down to show Mr. Wolf grabbing the real Maraschino Ruby and swapping it for the Push Pop. The flashback goes through the process of the museum heist before revealing what really happened. Mr. Wolf had swapped the fake ruby for the real deal. Out of the flashback, Luggins is in utter shock.]
OFFICER BOB: (smiles; to Luggins) I guess they're not so bad after...
CHIEF LUGGINS: (outraged as steam blows out of her ears; to Bob) Don't even say it!
[She breaks the Push Pop in half and screams angrily. Transition to Wolf and Snake leaving the gas station store, with the former holding the newspaper.]
WOLF: (smiles; to Snake) Look it here. (reads text; smiles) "The ruby is safe from these 'Not' so stupid Bad Guys."
[Snake laughs as he and Wolf get in the car with the others.]
WOLF: (smiles; to Snake) And it was surprisingly easy.
[He gets out the fake ruby, which is made of candy.]
SNAKE: (as he grabs the candy ruby; sneers) Like taking candy from a large and very angry baby.
[He tosses it in the air and swallows it before the Bad Guys drive off into the horizon.]
SHARK: (proudly; as they drive off) I rest my case.
["THE END" text appears on screen. Roll credits.]
Category:Universal Pictures Transcripts
Category:DreamWorks Animation Transcripts
Category:The Bad Guys (2022)
Category:The Bad Guys (2022) Transcripts
Category:Short Film Transcripts
Category:Transcripts