Horthy Meets Mr. Beast

Horthy Meets Mr. Beast is the fifth episode of The Life and Times of Miklós Horthy.
== Transcript ==
[The episode begins with the SBFW Friends watching Friends]
Jess: Isn’t it weird how these guys are living exactly the same life as us?
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: Yeah, it’s strange. Talking Ben works in mysterious ways.
Jess: True…
CrazySponge: Talking Ben is a lie made up by silly goofy people.
[CrazySponge gets zapped by lightning; the doorbell rings]
Pluto: Ah, that must be the Skylanders I ordered.
[Pluto opens the door and CartoonGuy is there]
CartoonGuy: Heya.
Pluto: Oh, it’s CartoonGuy.
Prim: What brings you here, sir?
CartoonGuy: Well, since I am now a MAN, my father told me to move out of his cool rugby player house and find a home myself.
Jess: Isn’t your father a morbillionare?
CartoonGuy: Ye.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: So you want to move in?
CartoonGuy: Ye.
SpongeBot: Alright. You can sleep on the couch.
[Laugh track]
CartoonGuy: Thank you, you are the kindest people I have ever met.
[Cut to CartoonGuy lying on the couch at night]
CartoonGuy: There’s nothing happening. I should do a little trolling.
[CartoonGuy whips out his lighter; laugh track]
CartoonGuy: Heheheheh.
[Cut to the SBFW Friends standing in front of the apartment which has burned to the ground]
SpongeBot: YOU BURNED DOWN THE ENTIRE APARTMENT?!
[Laugh track]
CartoonGuy: Come on, it was just a tiny mistake!
SpongeBot: DO YOU REALISE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE? WHEN WILL YOU LEARN THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?!
CartoonGuy: Okay, I might have done a bit too much trolling.
SpongeBot: TROLLING?!
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Don’t be too harsh on him, he’s just a kid.
SpongeBot: ZOLTAN, OUR APARTMENT IS GONE. WE HAVE NOWHERE TO LIVE.
Prim: Good thing everyone who could have possibly sued us died in the fire.
SpongeBot: YES. FANTASTIC.
[Laugh track]
Jess: At least I saved our most important items.
[Jess is holding a box with a fancy shellfish lamp, a talisman and a copy of Tyce+Travis: Naughty Boys In Bed; laugh track]
CrazySponge: Seriously? My BFBB socks are gone?
SpongeBot: I hate all of you.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: Hey, hold on, can’t we just ask Luis if we could stay in his house?
SpongeBot: I doubt he would let us stay there.
Pluto: Come on, Luis is very nice…
SpongeBot: Okay, fine, go ask him.
[Cut to Pluto calling Luis from a telephone box]
Pluto: Hey Luis.
Luis: Pluto? Is that you?
Pluto: Yeah… So like, our apartment kind of… burned down.
Luis: That’s not good.
Pluto: Yeah. I thought maybe you could let us stay in your house for a bit.
Luis: Of course! My house is like a… Full server. It’s huge. Multiple families could live here!
Pluto: Cool.
[Pluto hangs up]
Jess: How did it go?
Pluto: He said we can stay in his house.
CartoonGuy: Sweet.
Prim: I’m glad Luis is always there for us, even in hard times.
Jess: He’s just like Jesus!
[Laugh track]
CrazySponge: Can you guys make up your minds about which false god you believe in?
[CrazySponge gets ran over by a 20th Century Limited train; laugh track; cut to the gang in Luis’ house]
Pluto: Nice house you got here.
Luis: Yeah, it is a nice house.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: Wow, thanks. Really, thank you for letting us stay here.
Luis: No problem. So, how long are you gonna stay here?
Prim: At least a week.
Luis: That’s fine. I understand that you guys are in a very not good situation right now.
[Luis’ phone starts ringing and he picks it up]
Luis: Hey Purple.
Purple: Yo, Louise, can Dan and I stay at your house for a bit? We are on the run from the authorities.
Luis: Uh, I’m already-
Purple: Wow, thanks dude, we’re going there immediately.
[Laugh track; Purple hangs up]
Luis: Okay, you guys are going to get new roommates.
CrazySponge: Nice. Purple and Dan are very cool and epic and awesome and hot and attractive.
[Laugh track; Dan breaks down the door]
Dan: Hello there.
[Laugh track]
Luis: Greetings, Dan.
Purple: Nice house you got here.
Luis: Yeah, it is a nice house.
[Laugh track]
Prim: SpongeBot, will you marry me?
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: I, uh, what?
Prim: Will you marry me?
SpongeBot: Suuure.
Prim: Yay.
[Cut to SpongeBot’s and Prim’s wedding; laugh track]
CrazySponge: I should’ve been the one who married SpongeBot…
[Laugh track]
Jess: I always knew they loved each other.
Zoltan: I didn’t even know they knew each other.
[Laugh track]
Purple: Huh, this really is beautiful. Say, Dan, can I adopt you?
[Laugh track]
Dan: Of course!
Prim: If you’re gonna adopt Dan why won’t you adopt me?
Purple: That’s a great idea! We’re both racist, after all.
Zoltan: On the topic of adoption, can I adopt you?
[Laugh track]
Purple: Yuh.
Zoltan: Good. Now I own all of you now.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: This is getting a bit confusing.
Jess: Hey Pluto, can I adopt you?
[Laugh track; cut to Purple signing documents]
Purple: So this means, that now my father is Zoltan, my children are Dan, Jess and Prim, Prim is married to SpongeBot, and Pluto is Jess’ son.
[Laugh track]
Luis: You guys have created a multigenerational family in the span of five minutes.
Prim: Yeah!
Luis: Can I be part of it too?
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Wait, wait, since you are the owner of the house, you should be the owner of everyone here.
[Laugh track]
Luis: So you want me to adopt you?
Zoltan: Ye.
Luis: Alright.
CrazySponge: And finally me! I will be adopting you so I can become the ultimate supreme leader of the SBFW family.
Luis: No.
[Laugh track]
CartoonGuy: Don’t worry CrazySponge, I will happily adopt you.
CrazySponge: I’d rather kill myself.
[Laugh track; someone knocks on the door]
Luis: Ugh, it better not be the IRS again.
[Luis opens the door and Aaron walks in holding a cactus]
Aaron: Hey guys.
SpongeBot: Aaron? What are you doing here?
Dan: I invited him.
Luis: I think you guys are forgetting that I own this house.
[Laugh track]
Jess: Uh, what’s that cactus doing there?
Aaron: Oh, that’s Vanessa.
Vanessa: I turned myself into a cactus.
[Laugh track]
Purple: Marry me immediately.
[Laugh track]
Jess: That’s cool. Anyway, I’m going to become a witch.
SpongeBot: That would be the most normal thing to happen today.
[Laugh track; CrazySponge walks to Aaron]
CrazySponge: Hey Aaron.
Aaron: Hello CrazySponge.
CrazySponge: Can I buy you.
Aaron: No.
CrazySponge: I’m doing it anyway.
[Laugh track]
Aaron: So you guys are like making a family?
SpongeBot: I guess so.
Prim: And as every good couple, we should have sex.
SpongeBot: I hate sex.
Prim: Me too!
[Laugh track]
Aaron: Hey, how about I adopt you, SpongeBot?
SpongeBot: Uh, alright.
Aaron: I have become the new beardy dad.
[Laugh track; Zoltan’s Mum appears; the audience cheers]
Zoltan’s Mum: I am the mother of Zoltan.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan’s Mum: And I am sad to announce that Zoltan… has… died. In a car accident.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan’s Mum: When he was playing with his dog on the street, a car hit him. And now he’s dead. So now I’m buying a new son.
[Laugh track]
Peter Griffin: Boy, this is worse than the time my dog Brian Griffin died.
[Cutaway to Brian and Stewie Griffin on the road]
Stewie: BRIAN LOOK OUT!
[Brian gets ran over; cut back to Luis’ house, where Zoltan is perfectly fine]
Zoltan: What a story, Peter.
[Laugh track]
Jess: Didn’t your mother just say that you died?
Zoltan: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
[Laugh track]
Peter Griffin: Poop.
[Granite and Liz walk into the house]
Granite: Oi, I heard that you guys were here.
[Laugh track]
Luis: What the hell.
[Laugh track]
Peter Griffin: I am adopting Granite and Liz.
[Laugh track]
Luis: THAT’S IT. NO MORE. I’M DONE. I’M MOVING OUT.
[Luis walks out]
Zoltan: Does this mean I own the house now?
Purple: I declare myself owner.
[Laugh track]
Cactus: As the spouse of the owner, I am declaring war on SpongeBot’s room.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: YOU CAN’T DO THAT.
Cactus: Yes I can. I am a survivor of the infamous cacti-human war of 2006 B.C.
[Laugh track; cut to Dan smoking weed]
Dan: Hmmm nice weeder.
[Laugh track]
Purple: Hey! This is my house, and you’re not sharing the drugs with me?
[Cut to Granite walking up to Jess]
Granite: Uh, hey Jess, will you marry me?
Jess: Yuh.
Pluto: Seriously? This guy’s gonna be my father?
[Laugh track; cut to CartoonGuy]
CartoonGuy: Does anyone want to adopt me?
[An elderly man appears; laugh track]
Man: I’ll adopt you.
CartoonGuy: I don’t even know who you are.
Man: My name is PoopFan. I like poop. I also fought for Austria-Hungary.
[Laugh track]
Peter Griffin: Oh my god, a fellow poop fan!
CartoonGuy: Uh, alright. I trust you.
PoopFan: Cool.
[Cut to Cactus and Purple]
Cactus: Purple, I’m sorry but I feel like our relationship just isn’t working out.
[Laugh track]
Purple: Come on, you only married me like 5 minutes ago!
[Laugh track]
Cactus: Tough luck buddy. Peter Griffin is hotter anyway.
[Laugh track; Luis enters the house; audience gasps]
Luis: Okay, I’m back. After talking with Phil, I have decided to return. You guys can keep this strange family thing going, just please try to not destroy the house.
Jess: Alright Luis, we’ll try our best not to burn this one down too.
Pluto: Who the hell is Phil?
[Laugh track]
Prim: SPONGEBOT, GO TO THE KITCHEN AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH!
SpongeBot: Anything for my husband!
[SpongeBot goes into the kitchen and immediately starts a fire; laugh track]
Luis: Letting you guys stay here was the worst decision in my life.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: Well I guess we now have this full family… this Full Server…
[Sounds of SpongeBot screaming are heard; laugh track]
Jess: Don’t worry SpongeBot, I can save you with my witch powers!
Pluto: I don’t think you’re a witch.
Jess: Let me have some fun.
[Norm from Norm of the North shows up]
Norm: I am Norman.
[Laugh track]
Purple: Marry me immediately.
[Laugh track; the credits roll]
Whatever happened to predictability.
The milkman, the paperboy, evening tv?
How did I get to living here?
Somebody tell me please!
This old world's confusing me.
With clouds as mean as you've ever seen
Ain't a bird who knows your tune.
Then a little voice inside you Whispers,
Kid don't sell your dreams, so soon
Everywhere you look, everywhere you go
There's a heart (There's a heart), a hand to hold onto.
Everywhere you look, everywhere you go
There's a place, of Somebody who needs you
Everywhere you look.
When you're lost out there and you're all alone,
A light is waiting to carry you home.
Everywhere you look.
Everywhere you look.
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