2018 5th Place Game Naming Tournament - Final Four

IMPORTANT scoring reform portion of this writeup. 
== Introduction ==
Here is the vote link. CLICK HERE. 
If you're going to read the post, you're going to read it. If you're not you're just going to skip to the link at the bottom anyway.
== Scoring Reform ==
Scoring Reform is happening in the LOC. 
Effective as of the 2018 season the following defensive changes are in effect:
* Points Allowed (0) - Reduced from 20 to 15.
* Points Allowed (1-6) - Remains 10.
* Points Allowed (7-13) - Increased from 7 to 10.
* Points Allowed (14-20) - Increased from 4 to 7.
* Points Allowed (21-27) - Increased from 1 to 7.
* Points Allowed (28-34) - Increased from (-5) to 4.
* Points Allowed (35+) - Increased from (-10) to (0)
* Sack - Reduced from 3 to 1. 
* Safety - Reduced from 4 to 2.
* Tackle for Loss - ELIMINATED.
Explanations
* I increased the Points Allowed category, on average, in 2018. NFL games are higher scoring than they used to be and we reflect that here. However, instead of there being a 30 point difference between 0 points allowed and 35+ points allowed, now there is only a 15 point difference. In this way, I believe that we will reduce the volatility of the DST spot without reducing the points scored by too much. Because of this, the matchup totals shouldn't drop too much in 2018 compared to prior years.
* Essentially the new system works as follows, giving you bigger windows for each point category: 
*# Shutout - 15
*# 1-13 - 10
*# 14-27 - 7
*# 28-34 - 4
*# 35+ - 0
* In 2017, the Steelers led the league in sacks with 56. Meanwhile, the Ravens led the league in interceptions with 22. Oakland, who had only 5 INTs the entire year, still ended with 31 sacks. There are simply way more sacks than INTs, so they can't be worth the same.
* TFL is gone. Done. I'm sick of it. It's not an official NFL stat and I don't want it in the league anymore. This is Glorio's world and you're all just playing in it. No debates. 
* Safety made no sense. Why was it 4? It is 2, just like in an NFL game. Same logic with our TDs.
== Shotti Poll Results ==
Some interesting results to the Shotti Poll.
Two people said they would actually eat Shotti. That's one way of preventing him from winning. 
Papa said he'd eat monkey liver because those are his two least favorite things on Earth. Strange fact about Papa is he is extremely suspicious of monkeys. Doesn't trust them. Thinks they're up to no good. His biggest fear and weakness is monkeys, followed shortly by relish in squeeze bottles.
Butt came in hot with the best answer. He said he'd eat all of the fat that Pat has lost. That's a lot. That's like 100 lbs of pure fat. Imagine? I'd eat maybe a spoonful for a trophy. Not sure I could do a truck load.
One person said they'd eat "a meal with Chris." BRUTAL answer here. 
And Chris himself would eat Pat's face. So while Butt is chowing down on Pat's fat we have Chris dining on Pat's head.
For those keeping count at home that's four people who have sort of hinted that they would turn to cannibalism if it meant Shotti didn't win the trophy this year.
Speaking of Shotti, he said he'd actually NOT eat for a full year if he could fourpeat in the LOC. A whole year without food but that's sort of not fair because he feasts on our teams every fall so not sure if that's included in the fast. 
One person said they'd eat Glorio,which is sacrilege, and another said they'd eat bugs. I've eaten bugs and they're not that bad, so I guess Nate really doesn't mind if Shotti wins another trophy. 
== Elite Eight Results ==
=== The 5 Guys Game (5) vs. L on the Back (4) ===
L on the back takes an L to the face as five guys gang bang their way to the final four with final vote deciding the victory.
=== The Mcateer Classic (6) vs. The Participation Award Bowl (3) ===
The lone paddock 9-centric name to make the final four, McAteer Classic hands Participation Award a runners-up trophy and moves on.
=== Cinco De Lose-O (6) vs. This Counts as a Playoff Win (3) ===
This does not count as a playoff win but Cinco moves on to round quatro and Playoff Win takes the loss-O.
=== The Who Cares Classic (7) vs. The Mediocre Bowl (2) ===
Who cares? Apparently seven people care as Who Cares easily bests mediocre to pound its way to the penultimate round.
== The Final Four ==
=== The 5 Guys Game vs. The McAteer Classic ===
5 Guys has been skating off its burger stakes.  Win the game, get fed. But is the name itself strong enough? We will find out this round as it goes up against tournament darling McAteer Classic, a name vying to become the first to directly reference one of the league’s core players. While 5 Guys adds to the league’s lore, McAteer honors the battles already fought. 
=== Cinco De Lose-O vs. The Who Cares Classic ===
The two remaining favorites are both in the South Bracket, making this a name match for the ages. Not much more can be said about these two names. They both have obvious strength. The former basically says no matter who wins, we all lose. And the latter says no matter who wins, no one cares. A Classic v. Classic final would be fun, but we could also end up with a 5 vs. Cinco. Five Guys vs. Who Cares would also be interesting because it's a battle of "Everyone cares" vs. "no one cares." 
Vote link here.