Minecraft Piss and Shit Update

The Minecraft Piss and Shit Update was an update to Minecraft where they added features related to bodily functions, among many items and blocks. It's touted as being one of the most realistic updates ever released for the shame, on par with the Adventure Update.
This update showered us forth a golden age to Minecraft that increased the userbase and solidified the shame's place as the top pooperpower among all sandbox shames for the rest of our lifetimes.
== Blocks==
=== Block of Shit ===
Block of Shit is a non-solid block affected by gravity that comes in various colors, depending on what was eaten by the mob or the player. When broken without a Silk Touch tool, it will drop 4 Shit. The color is averaged if multiple Blocks of Shit are added together. If you are somehow inside a Block of Shit, you will receive the Shitted status effect.
===Manure===
By combining 2 Shit with 2 Wheat in a shapeless 2x2 grid, you get manure which is a block you can place down or compost.
=== Diarrhea Dust===
If you fail to go to the toilet and start pooping yourself, you will leave a trail of Shitstone Dust. 4 of these can be made into a Shit in a 2x2 grid in the crafting table.
===Yellow Snow===
A Bottle o' Jarate can be combined with 8 Snow Blocks to create 8 Yellow Snow or by standing near it while having the Pissing buff.
===Yellow Powder Snow ===
It functions like Powder Snow, except is yellow, obtainable the same way as Yellow Snow.
===Piss===
Piss naturally generates in the Piss Ocean biome, though can be made by the player throwing a Bottle o' Jarate in Water, when male characters have a full Piss Meter, or when the player is standing in water when the player's piss bar is full. All aquatic creatures take suffocation damage in the piss. 
===Shit Water ===
If any shit related item is thrown into Water, it becomes Shit Water. Unsurprisingly, aquatic creatures also take suffocation damage when swimming in this block.
===Piss And Shit Water===
If Piss and Shit Water is right next to each other, or combine them in any number of ways, you will get Piss And Shit Water. It deals 2 times the suffocation damage of the shit/piss water alone to all aquatic creatures swimming in it.
===Toilet===
You can defecate and piss in this block, and the contents will go to increasing the size of the local excrement biome near you. To use it, click on it like a Minecart. Toilets are crafted with 1 Iron Trapdoor, 1 Anvil, 1 Hopper, and 1 Cauldron in a shape that sort-of resembles a toilet.
===Urinal===
You can piss in this block but only if you're male or other. It is useable from 3 or less blocks away. It is crafted by combining a dispenser or dropper and an observer in a shapeless recipe, resulting in the creation of 2 Urinal blocks. Unless Piping is installed behind it, using it will spawn a block of Piss behind it. Shitting in the urinal is possible once, but it has to be unclogged using a right-click to make it usable again.
=== Piss Cauldron ===
When standing in a water cauldron and Pissing, or looking at it with the Pissing buff as a male, it will become a Piss Cauldron. Clicking it with a bottle transforms it into a Bottle O’ Jarate
=== Pipes ===
Pipes are blocks that connect to each other, both horizontally and vertically. You make them with iron, and they can be dyed into many different colors. You can connect them to fluid-holding blocks to pump and dump liquids in and out of them, and pollute local water sources or make frogs gay. Some pipes can only be found in hidden rooms in the new Oh Shit! structures, such as: the Gay Pipe, the Piss Pipe, and the Cum Pipe. If you make your pipes big enough, you can go through them like Super Mario Bros., and if you make them even bigger Your Mom can go through them too. Actually no, you can never make them big enough to make your mom fit.
== Items ==
===Shit===
You will also be able to eat poop and restore hunger, but you will get hepatitis or cholera depending on how unsanitary the biome you're living in is. You can also use these to feed animals and can put it in a Block of Furnace to cook items. 
4 shit in a 2x2 grid will result in you crafting a Block of Shit. 
You can also put poop on a stick (craft poop with a stick) and you can make lollipoops. You can then hit people with it and get poop on them through melee, you lose durability with each hit. 
===Throwing Shit===
Surrounding a snowball with shit in a crafting table to get Throwing Shit. You throw them at people, the shit will stick to them and change them into a brown color, but this is dependent on the diet of the person who made the poop. If monkeys ever get added to the shame this is what they would do.
===Lollipoops===
These are made by putting Shit on top of a Stick. Hitting people with these results in them being inflicted with the Shitted effect. It has 100 durability.
===Potion o' Diarrhea===
The Potion o' Diarrhea (also called a Potion o' Diarhoea in the English version) is a potion you can craft from adding Diarrhea Dust to a Mundane Potion. It inflicts the Shitted effect to all those covered but there's also a 7 in 10 chance if you drink it you'll get dysentery and DIE.
===Poop in a Bottle===
It functions similar to the Cloud in a Bottle item from Terraria in that you get a double jump. You equip it in your accessories slot.
===Bottle o' Jarate===
Bottles o' Jarate are made when you use a Bottle with a full piss bar or use a bottle on Piss. It can be thrown and breaks in Water, turning it into Piss, and can also break in Shit Water, turning it into Piss And Shit Water.
=== Yellow Snowball===
Breaking Yellow Snow with a shovel yields 4 Yellow Snowballs which cannot be thrown, but can be consumed to restore 1 thirst point each.
== Mobs ==
=== Toilet Golem ===
By placing a mob head on a Toilet, you can create a Toilet Golem. These are hostile mobs which will attack Players and Iron Golems. All toilets have 10 hearts of health, but only Toilet Golems made with Wither Skeleton skulls aren't inflammable. All Toilet Golems in fact take on attributes from the mob heads they were created from; from Indev 20100206 to Gamma 1.3.1, Toilet Golems made from Notch's head drop apples. 
==General Changes==
===HUD ===
The heads-up display has been repositioned to accommodate for the new bars, but most notably the armor bar has been positioned to the right of the health bar, and hunger has been moved to below the health bar.
===Shit Meter===
To the right of the hunger meter is the shit meter, and increases it with hunger. If the meter becomes full, you are forced to stop where you are and shit violently. As such if you are near full on the shit meter you should try to find a toilet because if you don't then the poop will destroy the foliage around you and you will get a poop particle effect on you that will make all mobs (bosses included!) run away from you.
On Peaceful difficulty, the shit bar increases 1 point every 60 seconds, and no harm is done in having it full.
===Shitting===
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You must hold P to poop. You can also poop when your shit meter isn't maxed, and it sets it back to zero.
Shitting can be accomplished by pressing sneak on a Toilet. If you eat mostly vegetables/greens then your poop block will have a green hue, brown, gold, and black are also available, along with red for malnourished players or players suffering from gastrointestinal bleeding.
==== Diarrhea====
You can also sometimes have diarrhea if you had previous food poisoning. You will then poop and underneath you there will be something that looks like Redstone Dust but with a dark brown texture. It's very similar to Shitstone dust, but can't be powered.
Diarrhea will stay underneath you for the next 20 blocks you walk, but you can break it to collect Diarrhea Dust.
Diarrhea Dust can be used as a brewing recipe to make Poop in a Bottle or Potion o' Diarrhea.
====Constipation====
If you eat very little and you poop you will get constipated. You start losing health the more you keep pooping, and it will take much longer to reset your shit meter.
If it takes too long to reset your shit meter, it is possible that you may die from constipation, and the death message that follows will be " died of constipation."
====Death====
If you get killed while you're pooping, you will explode like a creeper, and you'll destroy many blocks in your vicinity. Unlike a creeper however, you will cover everything around you in a blanket of poop (like snow but brown colored). The following death message will say " died during business hours."
===Degeneration===
If you hang around waste long enough you start losing health as part of the new Degeneration effect. The only way to stop it is to quit League of Legends.
===Thirst Meter===
The thirst meter has been added below the hunger meter, and increases with liquid consumption, and minimally with some foods. Overcooked Meats can decrease the thirst meter.
Over time, the thirst meter will decrease and you will have to drink liquids to replenish it. If the meter becomes empty, you will start taking dehydration damage and may die at higher difficulties. The thirst bar does not deplete on Peaceful difficulty.
===Piss Meter===
Much in the same way the shit meter works, there is a piss meter placed to the right of the thirst meter that increases with thirst. If you fail to urinate after a minute after the piss meter becomes full, you will receive the Pissed status effect indefinitely and your piss meter will be reset, unless the gender of your character is Male, which then causes Piss to spawn 2/3 blocks in front of you.
In peaceful mode, the piss meter increases 1 point every 45 seconds.
===Pissing===
Pissing works in that if your character's piss meter is full, you're able to relieve yourself either by standing in Water and turning it into Piss, or you can create a Bottle o' Jarate by pressing use on a bottle. If you fail to urinate in 5 minutes of the bar being full you will piss yourself and receive the Pissed status effect. If your character is male, you don't have to worry about that last part.
If your account name has "Eggman" or "Robotnik" in it, then you are able to piss on the moon when it is nighttime. If you do this in a server with Barack Obama, he will call the FBI on you and they will seize all your Minecraft accounts.
===Gender ===
Microsoft takes the information you put on your Microsoft Account about your identity and applies the correct settings to the mechanics introduced in this update. If it somehow can't find it out it will ask you. If the shame detects someone is directing their character's piss directly towards the floor, then they get banned for inadequate behaviour. Additionally, Amazon will send the players who do it stacks of 64 peepeepoopoos to their homes, so that they be reminded of their in-shame actions.
*Male: An overflowed piss meter does not give you the pissed status effect because you pee on the ground. You are also able to use the Urinal Block.
*Female: An overflowed piss meter gives you the pissed status effect.
*Enby: The gays' flag will appear in utter celebration of gay rights. The user will be able to use an LGBTQ-themed gender-neutral bathroom stall. The entire transgender community will also spawn in-shame.
===Livestock ===
All animals will poop from time to time depending on how much food is consumed, and the size of the animal. Animals pooping will produce a Block of Shit that replaces the block underneath if it is piss, manure, shit, snow, ice, water and any form of dirt, otherwise it will place it in the animal. You can trigger this process manually by bringing the animal down to 1 heart.
If all spaces that an animal can path-find to are on top of a Block of Shit, the animal will start taking damage as it cannot take the stench anymore and commits suicide.
As an easter egg, you can dye Sheep different colors with different poop varieties, but unlike regular dye the other sheep will run away from poop covered sheep. However, sheep can still interact with other sheep and dye the sheep with your poop dyes if they get close enough.
===Pissed===
Players or Mobs with the Pissed status effect take 35% more damage from all sources. Males cannot receive this status effect without swimming in Piss or Piss and Shit Water. It can be removed by taking a shower or by being set on fire.
===Shitted===
All mobs will run away from mobs/players covered in poop, and you will kill any foliage/wildlife in a 3x3 block radius surrounding you (including the Wither). Nobody can touch you as you smell so bad, unless you clean yourself by taking a shower. If you swim in water you will make it dirty, and if you drink Milk the Milk will run out of the Bucket at the last moment.
=== Pissing ===
While you are using a Toilet, Urinal, Pissing in water, or Pissing on the ground as a Male, you get this buff. While it is active (during the use of prior items) you convert snow and powder snow into Yellow Snow and Yellow Powder Snow.
=== Flying Mobs===
Withers, Ender Dragons, Ghasts, Bats and other flying mobs can poop from the air and damage you, depending on how large their poop is (larger mobs will produce larger poops). Withers and Ender Dragons drop poop blocks that are explosive, with the Ender Dragons working like a dragon fireball and the wither’s poop will wither you. This means it is extremely dangerous to be within poop-drop range of these mobs.
=== Showering===
The air underneath of a Pointed Dripstone with Water above it is considered a shower. Standing underneath this for 10 seconds is good enough to remove you of your Pissed and Shitted status effects. For some strange reason, these do not work if Microsoft has detected through their series of connections that you play League of Legends.
===Shitmension===
A very shitty dimension where every tree is made up out poo poo, although there are beautiful pee pee lakes in this dimension, it is a shitgrade (shit ↑up grade) to the shit biome, the story as uncovered by PatMat himself is that one day Herobrine and his friends had a super diarrhea in Normal Land, but Herobrine's poop and the poop of his friends were all infected with the poo poo virus which infected everything to become more piss-and-shit-like. An exclusive structure to this dimension are 1:1 recreations of the Oh Shit! level from Pizza Tower.
==Easter Eggs==
If you use a name tag to name a Villager either "Amber Heard" or "Amber Turd", then that Villager will always shit on any bed they use, which always turns the bed brown.
==Credit==
Credit to u/OVOWhatsThis for first describing many of the features.
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