Crazy Wrong Number Caller/Transcript

* Rebecca Parham: So, everyone has that one particularly hilarious wrong number story, and it's usually in the form of a text message. Apparently, some people consider it a "good" idea to text embarrassing information to a new number they just got from someone. I mean, wouldn't want to confirm you're actually talking to your friend Shannon when, in fact, you're telling a complete stranger all about your hemorrhoid problems. But my hilarious wrong number story came from a full-blown conversation with someone on the other line who was...irrational, to say the very best of it. One evening, I was lying on my bed, probably drawing, when I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was my area code, so I figured, "Eh, why not? This might be someone I know." I answered and said, "Hello?" A younger-sounding woman answered back.
* Wrong Number Caller Woman: "Hello? Who is this?"
* Rebecca Parham: "Uh, Rebecca."
* Wrong Number Caller Woman: "So, do you know my husband, Chris Miller?"
* Rebecca Parham: I didn't recognize the name of the guy, so I said, "I'm sorry. Who?"
* Wrong Number Caller Woman: "Oh, you know full-well who!"
*Rebecca Parham: "What?"
*Wrong Number Caller Woman: "My husband has been texting and calling this number for months; I checked his phone. I want to know who you are, and why you've been talking to my husband."
* Rebecca Parham: Ah, here we go; found the root of the problem. And I said what every single one of us says in this circumstance. "I'm sorry, you have the wrong number."
* Wrong Number Caller Woman: "Oh, no, I do not have the wrong number; I'm not buying that. You're going to tell me right now who you are, and how you know my husband!"
* Rebecca Parham: I guess any other normal person would have hung up on her, but I'm not normal. If anything, I was curious to see where this conversation was going to go. "Ma'am, I don't know anyone by your husband's name. You clearly have the wrong number."
* Wrong Number Caller Woman: "You're just saying that because you don't want to admit you're seeing my husband."
* Rebecca Parham: "Trust me, honey, I don't see any men, period, let alone someone else's husband."
* Wrong Number Caller Woman: "I don't believe you."
* Rebecca Parham: "You don't, huh?"
*Wrong Number Caller Woman: "No."
*Rebecca Parham: "You could tell I'm a floozy over the phone, could you?"
*Wrong Number Caller Woman: "Yes."
*Rebecca Parham: "I'm hanging up now."
* Wrong Number Caller Woman: "No, you're not."
* Rebecca Parham: "Maybe you should check the number you dialed again; It could be an honest mistake, you know."
* Wrong Number Caller Woman: "The only one who needs to be honest is you. Hello?"
* Rebecca Parham: "Still here."
* Wrong Number Caller Woman: "Make this easy, and just tell me how long you've been his mistress."
* Rebecca Parham: "My, how things have escalated between me and your husband. "Chris," you said his name was?"
* Wrong Number Caller Woman: "You know exactly what his name is. You've hooking up with him."
* Rebecca Parham: "Oh, I see."
* Wrong Number Caller Woman: "Who did you say you were again?"
* Rebecca Parham: [sarcastically] "Velma Dinkley."
* Wrong Number Caller Woman: [apparently sarcasm blind] "Well, Velma, you can go--"
* Rebecca Parham: "Listen, this has been cute and everything, but honest to God, you have the wrong number. I don't know your husband; I've never called him before. I'm trying to politely tell you that you've made a mistake; A very common one, in fact. Happens to the best of us. So, why don't you hang up, check the number, and--?"
* Wrong Number Caller Woman: "The only number I need a check is how many times I'm going to kick your--!"
*Rebecca Parham: [abruptly hangs up on the wrong number caller woman and blocks her; to herself] "Good luck, Chris, you're screwed, no matter what you say."
Category:Transcripts