James Corden's Wonderful Talking Ben

James Corden's Wonderful Talking Ben is the first episode of James Corden's Wonderful Life in Hell.
The episode follows on from The SpongeBob and Viktor Orbán Show episode Homosexual, where James Corden dies.
The episode was written by and released on February 25, 2023.
== Characters ==
*Hungarian police offcers
*SpongeBob SquarePants (mentioned)
*Viktor Orbán
*James Corden
*Peter Rabbit (mentioned)
*Ferenc Gyurcsány
*Gavin (mentioned)
*Stacey (mentioned)
*Talking Ben
*God (mentioned)
* (mentioned)
== Transcript ==
[“Previously on The SpongeBob and Viktor Orbán Show...”]
Police: Mr. SquarePants, you are being accused of being a homosexual, correct?
SpongeBob: I refuse to confess to anything without my lawyer.
Police: Oh, of course sorry. (passes SpongeBob a phone) I’ll give you five minutes to get someone on the phone.
SpongeBob: I, heh, don’t have a lawyer.
Police: You understand Hungarian law forbids any form of homosexuality?
Orbán: I can’t believe I’ve been harboring a wanted criminal all this time…
SpongeBob: Well… I mean I think SpongeBob is asexual, I think, but um you see officer… I’m not even SpongeBob.
Police: What do you mean?
[“SpongeBob” rips off his mask to reveal-]
James Corden: JAMES CORDEN BABY!
[James Corden is wearing a grey mouse onesie.]
James Corden: (humping the table) LET’S GET LOUD! LET’S GET LOUD! TURN THE MUSIC UP AND HEAR THAT SOUND!
Police: …I- I don’t understand. If you’re not SpongeBob-
James Corden: Oh, the real SpongeBob is still back in Bikini Bottom I think. He lives with Daddy Pig now or something. 
Police: So… you’re not gay?
James Corden: No. You see, after creating such critically acclaimed hits like Cats, Smallfoot, Lesbian Vampire Killers (it’s a real film look it up) and Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway… I, heh… became a wanted criminal so I pretended to SpongeBob and fled to Hungary.
Police: That makes perfect sense.
James Corden: So am I free to go now?
[Cut to James Corden’s grave.]
Gyurcsány: I’m sorry, Viktor.
Orbán: Don’t worry about it. No offence to James Corden, but being James Corden is the worst offence one could commit! Also I hate you Gyurcsány.
[“And now on James Corden’s Wonderful Life in Hell…”]
[The episode opens on a black void. James Corden walks onto the screen.]
James Corden: Um… hello?! Viktor Orbán?! Scary Hungarian police person? Gyurcsány? Where the hell is everyone? 
[Suddenly, a black door opens in the distance, letting a small beam of light into the room.]
James Corden: Huh. Well that’s nifty.
[James Corden enters the door, which leads him into a white void.]
James Corden: What the…? What is this place?
[James Corden keeps walking until he reaches a white staircase.]
James Corden: I must be dreaming. This can’t be real, surely this can’t be happening to me.
[James Corden begins slowly walking up the staircase. He reaches the top and arrives at a large pair of golden gates in the clouds.]
James Corden: What in the Gavin and Stacey?! I think… I think I’m in Heaven!
[The golden gates suddenly open by themselves. James Corden walks inside, where he reaches a throne with a familiar face sitting on it.]
Talking Ben: Ben?
James Corden: Are you… Are you God?
Talking Ben: …No.
James Corden: Are you Allah?
Talking Ben: No.
James Corden: Then… who are you?
Talking Ben: Ben.
James Corden: Ah. Nice to meet you, Ben. The name’s James Corden. You may know me from stage and screen. You must be starstruck. I was in The Emoji Movie, heh. You like that movie?
Talking Ben: No.
James Corden: Ugh. You uncultured swine! What is this place anyway?! Am I dead?
Talking Ben: Yes.
James Corden: I knew it! So this must be Heaven!
Talking Ben: Yes.
James Corden: GET IN! I KNEW HEAVEN WAS REAL! I KNEW IT!
Talking Ben: Yes.
James Corden: I’m in Heaven!
Talking Ben: …No.
James Corden: …what?
Talking Ben: …
James Corden: Am I not going to Heaven?
Talking Ben: No.
James Corden: But that means… I’m… going to Hell?
Talking Ben: Yes.
James Corden: WHAT?!
Talking Ben: Hohoho!
[James Corden gets on his knees and starts begging.]
James Corden: Please! You can’t do this to me! I’m famous actor! I have a talk show!
Talking Ben: No.
James Corden: Well, it’s ending soon, but STILL! PLEASE! PLEASE LET ME INTO HEAVEN!
Talking Ben: No.
James Corden: PLEASE, BEN! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!
Talking Ben: Hohoho!
James Corden: BEN, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!
Talking Ben: Hohoho!
[The stairs up to Heaven suddenly retract and form a slide. James Corden falls down them, all the way to Hell.]
James Corden: BENNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Category:2023
Category:2020s
Category:2023 Episodes
Category:Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Transcripts
Category:2023 Transcripts
Category:Thatjess
Category:Episodes written by Thatjess
Category:James Corden's Wonderful Life in Hell
Category:PI
Category:Coral Blue Productions
Category:PI Network
Category:PI+
Category:Zoltan's Mum Studios
Category:Blue Lobster Productions