Bart Gets an "F"/Quotes

:[Bart awakens and realizes that he has not studied for his test]
:Bart: Hey, Otto man, I've got a big test I am not ready for. Could you please crash the bus or something?
:Otto:  Oh, sorry, little buddy. Can't do it on purpose. But hey, maybe you'll get lucky.
:Bart: [talking to himself] Okay, no reason to panic. Find an egghead, pump him for some answers, and boom! I'm back on easy street.
:Bart: Oh-ho
:Sherri: Look at him. I bet he didn't study again. 
:Terri: And now he's gonna try to kiss up and get answers from us.
:Sherri: He's pathetic.
:Bart: Good morning girls!
:Sherri and Terri: [sweetly in unison] Good morning, Bart!
:Bart: Say, who's up for a cram session? I'll go first. What was the name of the Pilgrims' boat?
:Sherri: The Spirit of Saint Louis.
:Bart: Where was their original destination?
:Terri: Sunny Acapulco.
:Bart: And why did they leave England?
:Sherri: Giant rats.
:Sherri and Terri snicker to themselves as Bart is writing in a notebook
:Bart: Cool, history is coming alive!
:School bus arrives at Springfield Elementary. Students exit bus.
:Martin: As a natural enemy, I do not know why I should care, but the information pertaining to America's colonial period that you've just received is erroneous.
:Bart: So you're saying...
:Martin: A blindfolded chimp with a pencil in his teeth stands a better chance at passing this test than you do!
:Bart: [groans] Thanks for the pep talk.
----
:[Bart's bedroom. He has feigned illness to get out of a test.]
:Lisa: Everyone knows you are faking it.
:Bart: Well, everyone better keep their mouth shut!
:Lisa: You're gonna have to fail that history test sooner or later.
:Bart: I got my bases covered.
:[Bart picks up phone and dials Milhouse]
:Bart: Hey, Milhouse, what'd I miss in school today?
:Milhouse: Nothing much. Lewis made Richard laugh milk through his nose.
:Bart: Oh, you don't say. What about that history test, huh? Piece of cake, huh? Listen, what did you get for number one? Uh-huh. Number two? Oh, yeah, that sounds right.
:Bart is writing down Milhouse's fed answers. Scene changes to Springfield Elementary, where Bart is confidently writing on the test.
:Bart: Here you go, Mrs. Krabappel. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.
:Bart hands over test to Mrs. Krabappel, who marks it up.
:Edna Krabappel: Mm-hmm. Yep. Mm-hmm. This test is worse than Milhouse's exam. Bart Simpson, I warned you. This is the final straw.
----
:[Bart in class. He is stressed at contemplating the seriousness of this situation]
:Doctor Pryor: [echoing in Bart's mind] I am afraid my recommendation is for Bart Simpson to repeat the fourth grade.
:Edna Krabappel: Class, the topic is world literature...
:Bart imagines the future, Edna Krabappel is now elderly
:Aged Edna: Alright class, the topic is world literature. What was the pirate's name in Treasure Island? Bart Simpson?
:Bart is now a full-grown man
:Bart Simpson Senior: Look, lady, I got a peptic ulcer, a wife hocking me for a new car, and I need a root canal. Will ya quit bugging me about the stupid pirate?
:Bart Simpson Junior (who bears an uncanny resemblance to his father at that age) is seated next to his father, and is presumably a more serious student
:Bart Simpson Junior: [whispering] Long John Silver, Dad!
:Edna: I heard that Bart Junior! I want to see both of you after class!
:Bart Sr: D'oh! Thanks a lot, son!
----
:[Bart is stopped by Lisa.]
:Bart: Hey.
:Lisa: I heard you last night, Bart. You prayed for this. Now your prayers have been answered. I'm no theologian. I don't know who or what God is, exactly, all I know is He is a force more powerful than Mom and Dad put together and you owe Him big.
----
:[Bart has had to hide himself in the basement in order to shield himself from the temptation of the fun people are having outdoors with the snow day.]
:Bart: [talking to himself] Concentrate, man! Do you want to be held back? OK, Chapter 4. The Founders decided they had enough of British oppression and decided to secede from England...
:July 4th, 1776. Bart imagines himself a member of the First Continental Congress witnessing the declaration.
:Thomas Jefferson: We hold these truths to be self-evident.
:Bart: [talking to himself] We hold these truths to be self-evident.
:Thomas Jefferson: That all men are created equal.
:Bart: [talking to himself] That all men are created equal.
:Thomas Jefferson: And are entitled to...
:John Mason: Snow!
:John Adams: Look everyone! It is snowing!
:Thomas Jefferson: Snow in July? It is a miracle!
:Robert Morris: Let us go out and play!
:First Continental Congress: [in unison] Yeah!
:Entire Continental Congress runs outdoors except for Bart, who looks out the window.
:John Adams: Look everybody, John wrote his name in the snow!
----
:[Bart in class. Students are finishing their history tests and submit them to the teacher.]
:Martin: Later, Mrs. K.
:Mrs. Krabappel: Please turn in your exam, Bart. Class is over.
:Bart: You think you could grade it now, please?
:Mrs. Krabappel: Well, alright. Let me get "Old Red".
:[Mrs. Krabappel produces a red pen and begins marking up the test.]
:Mrs. Krabappel: Well, Bart, it's a 59, that's another F.
:Bart: Oh, no... I can't believe it.
:Mrs. Krabappel: I know, I know, another year together, oh, it's gonna be hell.
:[Bart begins to cry]
:Mrs. Krabappel: What's the matter? I would think you'd be used to failing by now.
:Bart: [tearfully] No, you don't understand. I really tried this time. I really tried!
:Mrs. Krabappel: [comforts Bart] There, there.
:Bart: This is as good as I could do, and I still failed!
:Mrs. Krabappel: Well, a 59, it's a high F...
:Bart: Who am I kidding? I really am a failure. [sobs] Oh, now I know how George Washington felt when he surrendered Fort Necessity to the French in 1754!
:Mrs. Krabappel: What?
:Bart: Oh, you know, 1754, the famous defeat to the French. [sobs]
:[Mrs. Krabappel skims through a history textbook]
:Mrs. Krabappel: My God, Bart, you're right!
:Bart: So?
:Mrs. Krabappel: You just demonstrated applied knowledge! And due to the difficulty and relative obscurity of the reference, you deserve an extra point on your exam. Hey, it's only fair.
:Bart: [overjoyed] You mean I passed?
:Mrs. Krabappel: Just barely.
----
:(In order to get out of the test, Bart pretends to be ill)
:Doctor: What's the matter, son?
:Bart: Sharp pains, in my stomach.
:Doctor: Oh, dear. I've heard of this. Do you feel a shooting pain in your arm?
:Bart: Both arms, ma'am.
:Doctor: Temporary loss of vision?
:Bart: Who said that? Come closer.
----
:Bart: I've got to study!
:(He closes a door, grabs a candle, and goes downstairs. He opens the book.)
:Bart: Chapter Six. Four days in Philadelphia, first... (reads the book, and has a dream with the picture)
----
:Edna: Perhaps you like to tell us the NAME of the pirate.
:Bart: (thinking) Blackbeard, Captain Nemo, Captain Hook, Long John Silver, Peg Leg Pete, Bluebeard. (speaks) Bluebeard.
es:Bart Gets An F/Frases