Transcripts 2004-09

Transcripts from September 2004 strips.
==September 3==
Panel 1Richard and Anne sit on the couch, Anne leaning against Richard. Norman walks past, smiling and pointing toward the door, a golf bag over his shoulder.Norman: Just going out for a bit. Dunno when I'll be back.Richard: Okay, see you later.Panel 2Camera pan to center on Richard and Anne, who look away from Norman's direction.Anne: Does it worry you at all that he's walking out with you're Dad's old golf clubs at one in the morning?Richard: Nah! I've leaned to appreciate that if he's busy breaking my Dad's stuff, he's not breaking MY stuff!
==September 6==
Panel 1Gary is holding a 5-iron(?) golf club in one hand as he looks past the camera with a serious expression.Caption: LATER...Gary: "Golf is a good walk spoiled!"Gary: Mark Twain said that!Panel 2Gary leans against the iron and crosses one foot over the other, grinning as he stands on a hill surrounded by several containers of (flammable) liquid. Norman is in the foreground facing Gary. A red "8" flag is just visible in the background, the hole lower on the hill than can be seen. A full moon is in the sky.Gary: 'cause he never played it MY way!
==September 10==
Panel 1Gary holds a club in his hand and looks at Norman over his shoulder. Norman gives Gary a suspicious look.Norman: Okay, a lawyer is the last person I would expect to be the "5 Iron Arsonist". What gives?Gary: Heh! Thought I was a disgruntled caddy huh?Panel 2Close-up of Gary giving a side-eye.Gary: Anyway it's quite simple. I never wanted to be a lawyer but my father had other ideas! I've had law rammed down my throat since I was born! I wanted to be a joiner, but NOOooo! That old bastard made SURE I followed in his footsteps! I was just a LITTLE bit bitter about that!Panel 3Norman grins with mischief. Gary grins in delight.Norman: So you trash and burn golf courses to get back at him?Gary: He said that golf was the only thing that gave him pleasure, so it's my mission for him to die miserable!
==September 13==
Panel 1Norman and Gary are standing around a hole at the top of a hill on a golf course. Norman has his hands on his hips as Gary pours a (flammable) fluid into the hole. The full moon is visible behind them.Norman: So you torched golf courses just to piss off your dad?Gary: Well that's how it started out. I must admit I actually like the game... I just hate the other tossers like my father who play it!Gary: Sport should be for everyone! Not just a handful or rich arse-holes!Panel 2Close-up of Gary with an evil grin.Gary: And I must confess I DO get a kick out of burning up expensive stuff!Panel 3A clubhouse.Norman (off-panel): Heh, you're such a pyromaniac.Gary (off-panel): You bet! Ooo, a wooden clubhouse! I love those! They make such pretty flames!
==September 17==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is wearing a pirate's hat and has a hook for a hand. He smiles into the camera with, in the background, a CRT monitor with webcam on top of it. Related to International Talk Like a Pirate Day.Al: Ahoy matey! Lately me motherboard was acting like a bilge rat and crashing like a Spanish frigate! So I spent all me booty on a new one!Panel 2Slightly different angle from panel 1 but same content.Al: Aye, she don't crash no more that be true! Now she sound crackles and she chugs more then cabin boy with the captain's grog! Blow me down, as I don't know why!Panel 3Close-up of Al gritting his teeth and sweating.Sound effect: SN*AP!Panel 4Violent scribbled Al shouting, with a starburst effect behind him.Al: I'M SICK WITH THIS CONSTANT FUCKING SHIT!I'M SICK OF SPENDING ALL MY MONEY ON CRAPPY PARTS THAT NEVER BLOODY WORK RIGHT!I'M SICK OF HAVING TO SPEND HOURS GETTING THIS FUCKING CRAP TO WORK!I'M SICK OF RINGING UP TECHNICAL SUPPORT, TRAWLING TROUGH THE AUTOMATED SERVICE ONLY TO BE PUT ON HOLD FOR HALF AN HOUR SO I CAN TALK TO A TRAINED MONKEY WHO STILL HAS WET INK ON HIS BTEC CERTIFICATE!I'M SICK OF DRIVERS THAT MAKE THE PROBLEMS WORSE AND NOT BETTER!I'M SICK OF TRYING TO FIND SAID DRIVERS ON THE COMPANY SITE THAT WAS DESIGNED BY RETARDS ON CRACK!AND I SICK OF WINDOWS FUCKING XP AND THE FUCKING ARSEHOLS I HAVE TO KEEP RINGING UP TO ACTIVATE THE LUMP OF SHIT EVERY TIME I CHANGE SOMETHING!Panel 5Embarrassed Al.Al: Um...Al: I mean: "Arrrrrr!"Comic footerwww.talklikeapirate.comHTML footerOkay, here's the problem for all those lovely nerds out there that always mail me after I post a "my computer sucks" comic.
System:P4 2.4 (clocked a little to 2.5 but turning it back down doesn't fix anything)ASUS P4P800-E Deluxe Motherboard.A bunch of OEM 333 DDR memory sticks: (Bank A1: 256mb, Bank A2: 256mb, Bank B1: 512mb set to single channel)Maxtor 6Y080l0 Hard Drive (Primary IDE)LG DVD-ROM DRD8160B (Secondary IDE master)LITE-ON LTR-12101B CD Burner (Secondary IDE slave)Old Maxtor 2B020H1 (Primary RAID in RAID mode as it won't work in IDE mode for some dumb reason. Also fixes nothing if disabled)Creative Audigy Player sound card (old, but still better than the on board crap)Power Color ATi Radeon 9800Pro video card.OS: Fresh install of Windows XP Home (SP2)Drives run in S-ATA+P-ATA mode. In S-ATA the CD/DVD drives take forever and take all the system time. In P-ATA mode EVERYTHING sucks.The sound problem:Makes odd clicky, popping noses when certain things play. Only when there is sound playing and is rhythmic (always pops at the same times in a song) and hates some things more then others (like I use "Soylent Night" by Boards of Canada as a test as it HATES that). But get this. Problem occurs on both the Audigy Player AND the motherboard's on board sound system. Also problem occurs when using my power surround system or headphones even when each is unplugged from the other.The chugging:Not as bad after I set it to S-ATA+P-ATA but still does it now and then. Seems to do it the most when loading up web pages in IE or Firefox (load page, CHUUUUG, go on if nothing has happened). Doesn't seem to be a problem in games. Something keeps popping up in the system tray and disappears again which could be connected but it goes too fast for me to see what it is. Also I've killed of "Find Fast" which has been an old nemesis in the past.I swear this thing is here just to mock me! So if you have any ideas, can you post them in my forum? That way I don't get a load of identical emails. It'll be most appreciated.
==September 20==
Panel 1Norman gives Gary a skeptical look. Gary looks back over his shoulder at Norman with a dismissive expression.Norman: You seem very open about all this. How do you know I won't rat on you?Gary: Well I've read your file I know you won't. Besides I find it liberating to finally tell someone! However I'm more concerned about our friend on the phone!Panel 2Silhouettes of Norman and Gary against a full moon in the background.Norman: You mean Chris? Heh, he doesn't worry me! He sounds too nerdy to be scary!Panel 3Same as panel 1 but Gary has a disgruntled expression while Norman is suddenly backing away, looking scared.Gary: So you're not scared of someone with enough resources to find me when no one else has, knew you were in trouble without you calling anyone, and seems to have enough info on us to put us both away for years?Norman: ... Why do I have this sudden urge to wear a tin-foil hat?
==September 24==
Single PanelNorman and Gary face away from the camera, looking down a hill along the fairway, a flag noting the hole in the distance.Gary: So Mr Gates, what do you think?Norman: I dunno! This is the first time I'm getting into something where I have no idea where it's heading. Obviously Chris wants me for something, yet I have no idea what!Gary: Actually I was asking what club you think I should use.Norman: Oh, right.
==September 27==
Panel 1Gary holds a wet golf ball up to Norman, who smirks back.Gary: Hey, Mr Gates! Would you like to light the ball?Norman: You're shitting me right? I'd be honoured! Let me get my lighter!Panel 2Gary's hand places the ball on a tee.Gary: Oh no, no, no! Get the oven lighter from the bag! This stuff gets everywhere!Panel 3Gary holds up a gloved fist with red dots on the knuckles, tensing it with a CRACKLE! and a large grin on his face.Gary: You don't want to get too close with that crap on your hands!Gary: You can trust me on that!
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