2018 July Address

== Introduction ==
LOC. LXC. Holdouts. Threats. Confusion. Chaos. Dynasty leagues. League dues. Draft outrage. There is a lot going on even though in reality nothing is going on. I didn’t want to have to do this, mostly due to laziness, but this league desperately needs a writeup to get everything sorted out. I mean for fuck’s sake, Nate and Chan leave the country for 10 days and the entire league starts unraveling like RIPDab in the second round of the playoffs. 
== Congrats ==
First off, congrats to Nate and Chan. I'm pumped they are married. They're great people. Just love 'em. Also, the story lines this season will be great. Also, you have to figure that it's only going to be like 10 years before their kid is old enough to beat them in fantasy, and that's assuming they have a kid 8 years from now. 
== Important Dates ==
* July 30, 2018 (THAT'S TODAY!) - LXC Autodraft
* August 18, 2018, 11:59pm - Keeper Deadline
* August 26, 2018, 8:00pm - LOC Draft
== LOC Keepers Corner ==
Like last year, I put together an easy chart for you to see what keepers are eligible on your team and what round it costs you. As a reminder, you can keep up to two players drafted in the 3rd-16th rounds of the 2017 draft. Free agents cost a 6th.
=== Important Rules ===
# If you submit more than two keepers to me, whether on purpose or by accident, I will automatically approve the two players that cost you the highest draft picks regardless of position. Yahoo lets you select as many players as you want, so be mindful. 
# If you submit players from a round that you have traded away, the player costs you the NEXT available pick (i.e. a 6th round keeper, but you traded your 6th round pick, will cost you a 7th round pick). 
# If you are questioning a players eligibility, I've got you covered (see below).
# If you keep two players from the same round it costs you that round and your next pick, whether that is the following round or later in the same round.
# You have the option to keep one, two, or zero players.
# If you choose to keep a 3rd round player, that player costs you a 2nd round pick and becomes ineligible for 2019 keeping.
=== NEW RULE ===
Starting this year...that is STARTING this year, meaning it does not apply to these keepers but will apply to next year's keepers...IF a first or second round player goes on IR within the month of September, that player is eligible as a keeper and will cost you THAT round (i.e. a second will cost a second, a first will cost a first) in next year's draft. October 1st, IR 1st and 2nd rounders become ineligible. 
=== Eligible Keepers ===
Again, because last year there was confusion: The "cost" is what round you give up for the player in your column.
Eligible Keepers (Teams A-PAD)
Cost 	Butt Fuckers 	GBM 	Duck Punchers	ma ma momma 	P9
1 	 	 	 	 	
2 	Russell Wilson	 	 	 	
DeAndre Hopkins
Lamar Miller	T.Y. Hilton 	Rob Gronkowski 	 	 	
3 	Alshon Jeffery	Golden Tate 	 	 	
Greg Olsen
Joe Mixon	Keenan Allen
Christian McCaffrey
Kelvin Benjamin	 	 	 	
4 	 	 	 	 	
CJ Anderson 	 	 	 	 	
 	 	 	 	 	
5 	 	 	 	 	
Kareem Hunt 	Jay Ajayi
Sammy Watkins	 	 	 	
6 	Jason Witten
Ted Ginn Jr.
Jermaine Kearse
Alex Erickson	Blake Bortles
Alvin Kamara
Jared Goff
Sterling Shepard
Peyton Barber
Graham Gano
JAX Defense
Greg Zuerlein
Delanie Walker	Jimmy Garoppolo
Evan Engram
Josh Gordon
Dion Lewis
Mike Davis
Trent Taylor
Ryan Succop
PIT Defense
Danny Woodhead	Robert Woods
Allen Hurns
T.J. Yeldon	Dede Westbrook
Alex Smith
Will Fuller V
James Conner
Robbie Gould
Stefon Diggs
7 	Matt Bryant 	Pierre Garcon 	 	 	
Kyle Rudolph
Jameis Winston	 	 	 	 	
8 	- 	 	 	 	
Jeremy Maclin
Stephen Gostkowski
DEN Defense	 	 	 	 	
9 	Doug Martin
Eric Decker	Jonathan Stewart	Derrick Henry	 	
10 	SEA Defense 	 	 	 	
Derek Carr 	 	 	 	 	
11 	Philip Rivers
Matt Forte	- 	- 	Matthew Stafford	Isaiah Crowell
12 	 	 	 	 	
Mike Wallace 	- 	 	Rex Burkhead 	 	
13 	Jack Doyle
LAR Defense	Cooper Kupp 	- 	 	
Jamaal Williams
Josh Doctson
MIN Defense	 	 	 	 	
14 	 	 	 	 	
Michael Thomas	- 	 	 	 	
15 	 	 	 	 	
- 	- 	C.J. Fiedorowicz	 	 	
16 	 	 	 	 	
- 	- 	 	 	 	
- 	 	 	 	 	
Eligible Keepers (Teams PAI-Z)
Cost 	PAIN TRAIN 	PAPA'S POSSE 	RIPDAB 	TSB	SWEET DEE
1 	 	 	 	 	
2 	Tyreek Hill 	 	 	 	
Tom Brady 	Demaryius Thomas	 	 	 	
3 	Marshawn Lynch 	Emmanuel Sanders	Travis Kelce 	 	Carlos Hyde
4 	 	 	 	 	
Larry Fitzgerald	Mark Ingram 	Jarvis Landry
Martavis Bryant	Jimmy Graham 	 	
5 	Jordan Howard 	Kirk Cousins 	DeVante Parker	 	
Jamison Crowder 	 	 	 	 	
6 	Robby Anderson
Kenyan Drake
Charles Clay
Devin Funchess
Alex Collins
Jerick McKinnon
Harrison Butker
DET Defense
Carson Wentz
Deshaun Watson
Davante Adams	Marquise Goodwin
Nelson Agholor
Alfred Morris
NO Defense
Zach Ertz	Jordan Reed
Keelan Cole
Tarik Cohen
Mohamed Sanu
Giovani Bernard
Wil Lutz
CHI Defense
WAS Defense	Jared Cook
Latavius Murray
Antonio Gates
Matt Ryan
BAL Defense	Drew Brees
Juju Smith-Schuster
Tyler Lockett
Kenny Stills
Damien Williams
7 	 	 	 	 	
Adam Thielen 	Michael Crabtree	 	Frank Gore 	 	
8 	- 	 	 	 	
 	Cam Newton
Melvin Gordon	 	 	 	
9 	Big Ben
Chris Hogan	Bilal Powell 	 	 	
 	 	 	 	 	
10 	 	 	 	 	
Rishard Matthews	 	Marvin Jones Jr.
Randall Cobb	 	 	
11 	 	 	 	 	
- 	- 	 	Duke Johnson 	 	
12 	 	 	 	 	
Theo Riddick
KC Defense	Tevin Coleman
NE Defense	Samaje Perins 	 	 	
13 	 	 	 	 	
- 	 	 	 	 	
 	 	 	 	 	
14 	Marlon Mack 	Justin Tucker 	- 	 	
Marqis Lee
CAR Defense	 	 	 	 	
15 	 	 	 	 	
Austin Hooper 	Julian Edelan 	Chris Boswell 	Cameron Brate
Matt Prater
Andrew Luck	 	
16 	 	 	 	 	
- 	- 	 	 	 	
- 	 	 	 	 	
== Draft Order Gate ==
What would a season of the LOC be without some controversy, amiright? 
There seems to be some confusion over what the reward is for winning the consolation tournament. Noticing a pattern here? Everyone is always confused. Probably because no one reads my writeups, including me. 
Some believed it was 'pick the order of the first four picks of the draft.' Some believed it was 'pick the entire draft order.' Now, this is the age of Glorio. Therefore, I am not above a little chaos. After all, I am definitely not a robot controlled by our powerful overlord. HOWEVAH, lets not get too crazy. After going through my archives, I can confirm that yes, the winner of the consolation tournament gets to choose the order of draft picks 1-4 using the four teams that finished out of the playoffs.
 Why is it just the first four? Because everyone knows you want to avoid the first overall pick. Win the consolation tournament and you spare yourself that fate and get to doom someone else to that fate. But six teams made the playoffs and jockeyed for draft positions in their various bowl games, so we can’t give the consolation team ultimate control over all of them. 
As winner of the Heart and Soul Bowl, Papa gets to choose picks 1-4 out of himself, Sweet Dee, ma ma momma said, and Butt Fuckers. 
I'm always up for a rule change. As is now law, if you want a rule change you must submit a dramatic video to me to edit into LOC Gameday Mornings. Then we send it to a vote. 
== LXC ==
Now on to the second league that all of us are in. Nothing weird about that. Just a bunch of the same friends in two fantasy leagues together.
=== The Inception ===
So about two weeks ago Patrick visited me in Atlanta. In the same pool where we came up with LOC Gameday Morning, we started talking about a dynasty league. There is a feeling among owners that it's fitting LOC becomes a dynasty league. But maybe not yet. Maybe we need to test the waters first. Luckily, like I said, we were in a pool. Perfect place to test water. So we came up with the idea of the LXC, a dynasty demo league. 
Meet the LXC, an auto-drafted Dynasty League. What does LXC stand for? Maybe it stands for the League of Xtreme Champions, like the XFL. Or maybe it’s a subtle hint that 2010, the year of Glory Bowl X, will be the first season that we incorporate dynasty rules into the main league. Yeah, I know. Didn’t think of that one, did ya? Roman Numeral-ception on your ass (shoutout to Paddock 9’s LXC team name). In any case, the LXC is designed to be a different take on the LOC, while also being a way to test rules/concepts to see what we might want to incorporate into our main league. 
There are two radical new rules that make LXC vastly different from the LOC. Okay, three. 
One, you keep your entire team heading into next season. Obviously, that’s what a dynasty is. 
Two, you will now bid for free agents. More on that below...
And three, your team name has to be dynasty/empire themed. No, this isn't a suggestion. I will literally kick you out if you don't change your name to fit the theme. You think this is a joke? You think this is all fun and games? YOU'RE WRONG!!! For every day that your team name goes unnamed, I will murder a small child. Okay, I won't do that. But I will be sad. You want me to be sad? Cruel, cruel people. 
The LXC might fail. But the great part about LXC failing is it doesn’t kill the LOC. It only kills itself. And while we might end up with the Anthony Bourdain of fantasy leagues, we might also end up with the Drake ft. Kanye West, Lil’ Wayne & Eminem of fantasy leagues (“I want this shit forever man”). And with no money on the line, it’s a risk all ten of us were willing to take. 
'''
=== Welcome to the LXC ===
Welcome to the LXC. You managers were hand-picked by the commissioner of the LXC, a mystery billionaire who wants to fund counter-programming to the LOC. You each will be handed the keys to the front offices of a new team, which you will mold into your image like Gods of the fantasy world. Some of your teams might need a lot of work. Some of you might get lucky and inherit a ready-to-compete dynasty. Some managers, like Shotti, might take a pass-heavy team and try to transform it into a run-heavy team. Others might have to take a team of veterans and try making deals to bring in youth for long lasting success. One thing is for sure, if you are going to be a dynasty, you'll have to make moves. The team that stands still is the team that falls.
==== Draft ====
This is not your ordinary fantasy season. This season is the beginning of what will become your LXC legacy. And if you want to get those wins early, you are going to have to work hard in training camp. Today, the commissioner will set your draft status to "ready." Once that happens, the forces that be will begin the process of autodrafting your teams. According to Yahoo, it could take up to 72 hours. Which means it will probably happen right away. From there, let the games begin.
==== Scoring ====
You know the scoring system well. It is the same as the LOC.
==== Roster ====
Everything is the same as the LOC except we have added TWO bench spots and ONE IR spot. Two bench spots, that's going to really deplete the Free Agent market, right? RIGHT. The thought process here is that it will suck talent off of free agency and force teams to complete more trades with one another.
==== Free Agent Bidding ====
The biggest new rule is FA. Here are the rules, according to Yahoo:
Each manager is given a budget to bid on unclaimed players that are in waivers. The default budget is $100, but the commish of a Private League can adjust the budget as they see fit.
* Bids are blind, so other managers can't see what your bid is.
* Your bid can range from $0 to the remainder of your budget.
* Highest bid at the end of the waiver period wins the player.
* The winning bid is removed from that manager's budget.
* Ties are broken by Continual Rolling List waiver priority.
How bad do you want that free agent that just broke out for 178 rushing yards and 3 TDs against that vaunted Minnesota defense? You're going to have to decide how much you're willing to risk without knowing how much everyone else is risking, like when Nina Myers won the blind bid for the nuclear bomb in season 3 of '24' by outbidding Jack Bauer. That bitch! 
For now, I'm giving everyone $1,000. Next season, your off-season point totals might end up being your bank account. But since we didn't know we were doing this it's not fair to give Chantel $11,000 and Pat $1. As tempting as that is. 
==== Schedule ====
I had three options with the schedule. Randomize, customize so we never play the same team on the same week in both leagues, or use the exact same schedule so we play the same team in the same league every week. I decided to randomize. 
== LOC Off-Season Competition ==
Congrats to Pat for winning the WC Competition. I'll tally up off-season points but it's looking like no one is going to catch Chantel and the off-season is quickly coming to a close. This would be Chantel's second off-season championship. That brings Chantel and Nate's trophy case to a total of 2 trophies.