The Escapists

The Escapists is the twelfth episode of Season One in Bikini Bottom Jenkins.
==Synopsis==
Wanting to bond two long-time enemies, SpongeBob decides to trick Old Man Jenkins and Archie into completing an escape room together. 
==Transcript==
(Old Man Jenkins is eating a relish-filled Krabby Patty at the Krusty Krab)
Squidward: (sighs) It's just the same thing over and over again, isn't it? Customers order their food, sit down and eat their patties.
(A customer sips a soda)
Squidward: And the occasional drink. It's pathetic. 
SpongeBob: No need to be such a negative Nancy, Squidward. There's plenty of ways to make repetitive things fun!
Squidward: Oh yeah? Give me one example?
SpongeBob: Well-
Mr. Krabs: Boys! Did any of you see a giant bag with a dollar sign anywhere?!
SpongeBob: Oops.
Mr. Krabs: SPONGEBOB! That wasn’t the garbage bag I told ye to throw out! You know me money from last week was in there!
SpongeBob: I'm on it, boss man.
(SpongeBob heads into the bathroom and is heard shoving himself down one of the toilets)
Squidward: Heh, he flushed himself down the toilet.
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, since SpongeBob is gone at the moment, I'll have you handle the cooking as well.
Squidward: (grumbles but begrudgingly complies)
Jenkins: Yeesh. Interesting stuff there, eh? (continues eating patty)
(The doors to the Krusty Krab open, and Archie comes in and immediately sees Old Man Jenkins. They have a stare down)
Jenkins: Hmph.
Archie: Hmmmmph!
Jenkins: (flaring nostrils) HMMMPH!
Archie: (also flaring nostrils) HMMMMMMMPHHH!
Squidward: Can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to suffer in peace.
(A water spout appears in Squidward’s boat, and SpongeBob pops out, knocking both the boat and Squidward over)
SpongeBob: That was a tough bag of money. But I beat it up fair and square.
Money bag: You… bested the champion.
Squidward: Oh please, it's just a bag of cash, how tough could it be-? 
(Squidward sees a closeup of SpongeBob’s bruises)
Squidward: Yikes. All I can say is that I'm glad that wasn't me.
Archie (now in line): Hey could I get a relish patty with extra relish?
Jenkins: That's what I got!
Archie: Yeah, I'm just seeing how awful your taste in food is!
Jenkins: Jerkhead!
Squidward: I can think of at least seventy better insults than that.
Archie: See? Even the big nosed guy has bested you. Take the L, Jenkins.
Jenkins: The only L I take is the L in BLT!
Archie: RATIO!
(Their arguing turns into gibberish as Squidward reluctantly writes down the order and gives it to SpongeBob. SpongeBob takes the order but sees the arguing in the distance.)
SpongeBob: Why are those two always fighting? I'm getting tired of this negativity at this wonderful establishment.
Squidward: Heh, you're starting to sound like Mr. Krabs.
SpongeBob: I'm serious, Squidward. But I think I can come up with something that will bond them forever and ever.
Squidward: (sighs in exhaustion) Can my shift just be over already so I- I mean we can go home?
SpongeBob: Home can wait, Squidward, I'm brainstorming.
Narrator: One shift later…
Squidward: You think of anything yet, SquareBoobs?
SpongeBob: I'll give you this Squidward, you always come up with new names to call me. But no, I haven't yet. Maybe I'll think better at home.
Narrator: One pineapple later…
SpongeBob: Oh it's hopeless!
(Zoom out to an entire room filled with notebook paper, with some of it even on top of Gary)
SpongeBob: I've used my entire brain to think of ideas on how to get those two to bond but none of them are even remotely possible! 
Gary: (emerging from the papers) Meow meow.
SpongeBob: Why would old men play hopscotch, Gary? Isn't that a little odd?
Gary: Meow… meow meow. (Gary turns on the TV with the remote. It turns to a scene of a group of people in an escape room)
Person 1: So… why are we here again?
Person 2: (shrugs) I dunno, Brent just told us to go here for some reason. He's a freaky guy, kinda like SpongeBob after season three.
(laugh track)
SpongeBob: I feel attacked.
Person 1: Let's just get out of here as soon as possible so I don't have to deal with you anymore.
Person 2: As you wish.
(Cut to the end of the episode)
Person 1: Hey that was actually quite the experience. Want to hang over at my place?
Person 2: Sure, not like I have anything better to do. 
Person 1: How about Mops and Robbers?
Person 2: Sure, as long as you don't mop my face again, you mop head.
(laugh track)
SpongeBob: Oh yeah I forgot this was a sitcom. Stupid laugh tracks. Well, Gary, that was-
(Gary is fast asleep in his snail bed)
SpongeBob: Got tuckered out so soon, huh? Well, it is getting late. But that episode gave me a brilliant idea. An escape room! Why didn't I think of that earlier?
(He runs upstairs to begin constructing his plan. Cut to the next morning, where a clam cock-a-doodle-doos to signal the dawn of a new day)
Jenkins: (wakes up, stretches and yawns) A dawn of a brand new day. As if that hasn't happened a million times already. I'm not even sure if I'm exaggerating anymore. Time to go to the Krabby Krab for a delicious-
(Cut to Jenkins entering the Krusty Krab)
Archie: Heyyyyy man. What's up, old loser?
Jenkins: Archie, I should've known. Why do I even bother anymore?
Archie: Because you're a big, fat- (gets blinded by a flyer of paper)
Jenkins: Huh?
(Jenkins gets blinded by a copy of the same flyer)
Jenkins: Hmm-mm-mph! (grabs the flyer off his face) The ultimate escape room? Only for the truest, bravest Bikini Bottomites around. Heh, that sounds like me!
Archie: And it sounds like me, grandpa! You're afraid of everything!
Jenkins: Am not! I'm only afraid of death at this point!
Archie: Oh yeah? Prove it.
Jenkins: You know what, I will! See you at… 124 Conch Street!
Squidward: (casually) That's where I live.
Archie: Ha, big nose.
Squidward: Do you just exist to bully people? Go order a patty or something or get out.
(Bubble transition to later that evening, where Archie and Jenkins are walking next to each other, trash talking)
Archie: You're even older than the queen, you'll die before making it out of there alive!
Jenkins: Will not! Being old gives you infinite wisdom!
Archie: Oh yeah? What's nine plus ten?
Jenkins: (unamused) Really? In this day and age?
Archie: You stupid!
Jenkins: No, I'm not! Oh hey look we're here.
(A giant LED sign saying “ESCAPE ROOM IN HERE”) is right next to SpongeBob’s house’s door)
Jenkins: This place looks familiar…
Archie: Yeah but I can't put my fin on it.
(The door eerily opens, and they both enter the dimly lit room)
Jenkins: I'm gonna beat your rump!
Archie: Pfft, no you won't. Remember what happened last time you said that?
Jenkins: I got put in a wheelchair for a month, yeah yeah. But we're past that!
???: Welcome all, to the escape room!
Archie: Are we the only two people here? I don't want to deal with (points to Jenkins’ rump) this fool!
Jenkins: Why did you point at my butt?
Archie: …shut up!
???: Please, everyone, please. Be civil in the escape room.
Jenkins: Well that’s not gonna happen with (points to Archie) this loser here.
???: Not with that attitude. Remember to be nice, appreciate life, and finish the escape room. There will be three puzzles, each progressively more difficult than the last. Good luck!
Archie: Where is that voice even coming from?
???: A magician never reveals his secrets. Ciao.
Jenkins: So what do we do now? Wait until our inevitable demise?
Archie: It’ll happen a lot sooner to you than it will to me.
Jenkins: Wait a second, I see something on the wall. It looks like… a clue.
Archie: I’ll understand it more than you will, I’m sure of it.
Jenkins: (reading the clue) Cooperation. The heck does that mean?
Archie: Does it really want us working together for this thing? That’s lame.
Jenkins: Yeah, I’m sure I can do it on my own.
Archie: The feeling is mutual, my nonfriend.
(They both spot two pressure plates on the ground)
Jenkins: Nope, not cooperating.
Archie: Me neither.
(They both look at each other for a second, then race to the pressure plates. When both of them stand on the plates, the door slowly opens)
Archie: I stepped on it first!
Jenkins: So what?
???: Excellent job, you two. You are on your way to the magical world of cooperation. This next challenge will be a bit more complex than the pressure plates, though.
Jenkins: Bring it on!
Archie: What’s our score?
???: There is no score.
Archie: WHAT? But that’s the whole point of a competition! To see who wins!
???: What can I say? There is no competition, only cooperation.
Jenkins: That’s so cheesy.
Archie: I know right? Wait, why am I agreeing with you?
Jenkins: Let’s just get this over with.
Archie: Agreed. WAIT NO-
(Cut to them in the next room, where there is what looks to be a generic park environment)
Jenkins: Huh, looks like we’re at the park.
Archie: Get a hold of yourself, idiot, we’re in a fake environment!
Jenkins: Oh. But why?
(A snail up on a nearby tree starts meowing)
Jenkins: I’ll save ya!
(Jenkins tries to leap for the snail, but can’t jump high enough to reach it)
Archie: Take this, loser!
(Archie jumps higher than Jenkins, but still doesn’t jump high enough to reach the snail)
Archie: Dang. Guess I’m a loser too.
Jenkins: Guess we’re both losers.
Archie: No, just yo- okay, you have a point.
(Jenkins gets a flashing lightbulb above his head, which soon burns out. He grabs it and shakes it, making it light up again)
Jenkins: I think I have an idea!
Archie: Took you long enough, geezer.
Jenkins: Anyway, my idea is that we stand on top of each other to get the snail.
Archie: I’m getting on top of you, old man.
Jenkins: (shrugs) If you insist.
(Jenkins gets below the tree and Archie jumps on top of him, hurting Jenkins’ back)
Jenkins: I knew this would happen…
Archie: I win!
Jenkins: Winning what exactly?
Archie: Uhh… I didn’t think that through.
Jenkins: I thought so.
(Archie grabs the snail and jumps off of Jenkins, who promptly pushes his back into the correct place)
Jenkins: We did it…
Archie: I guess so.
???: Excellent job, you two. You make a good duo.
Jenkins and Archie: We do?
???: Of course. Your final challenge is a doozy, however. I call it… Cooperation Operation.
Archie: Hey, isn’t that a board game?
???: Yup. (pause) Good luck!
Jenkins: Welp… this is it. The final challenge.
Archie: Can’t believe I’m saying this, but… ‘’let’s’’ do this.
(The two of them enter the next room to see a giant board game box spanning across the entire room)
Archie: Is that a giant board game?
Jenkins: Please be Monopoly, I used to make a killing beating people at Monopoly.
???: Oh, this isn’t a competition. This is…
(A giant claw pops up from the ceiling and opens up the box to reveal the game inside)
???: This is OPERATION!
Archie: Okay I’ve played that one before… decades ago.
(They both gulp, and a list of instructions falls to the ground. Jenkins picks it up and starts reading it)
Jenkins: Uh huh… mm hmm, yeah I think I got it.
Archie: Gimme that.
(He snatches the manual fro Jenkins and starts reading the instructions as well)
Archie: Yeah… uh huh… absolutely… I totally knew that… yeah I got it.
Jenkins: Back in my day it took longer to read the instructions for the game than to actually play the game, so this’ll be easy as pie.
Archie: Wait, where are the tweezer things?
(Two pairs of tweezers fall to the ground as well, and both of them pick them up)
Jenkins: (using the tweezers) Great, now I just have to get more money than you to win.
Archie: Let’s do this.
(The camera cuts to a top-down view of the Operation patient, which is a board version of Fred. A montage of the duo taking out parts of Fred using the tweezers is begun. Several body parts are taken out, including Fred’s leg, his other leg, his femur, and his other femur)
(Jenkins accidentally touches the side of Fred’s foot bone while trying to take it out)
Electronic Fred: MY LEG!
Archie: I hate to break it to you Fred, but that’s your foot.
Jenkins: Heheh.
Archie: Well now there’s only one part left. And we’re tied so… DIBS!
(Archie tries to pull out Fred’s heart but fails and the buzzer goes off)
Electronic Fred: MY LEG!
Archie: Dang it!
(Jenkins uses his tweezers and slowly but carefully, successfully pulls out Fred’s heart out of its hole)
Electronic Fred: Hey, I feel better now! Thanks guys!
(Confetti shoots out from the walls and a stock cheering sound effect plays)
Jenkins: I win!
Archie: Dang it! I lose!
???: Lose? There aren’t any losers here. I consider you both… winners!
Jenkins: What?! But that ruins the competition!
???: Exactly.
(It takes a few seconds for them to realize what is going on)
Archie: We got tricked!
Jenkins: Bamboozled!
Archie: Smeckledorfed!
Jenkins: I don’t know what that means and I agree!
Archie: Welp, that was… fun I guess.
Jenkins: Yeah, fun…let’s just go before this gets too awkward.
(The two of them head out the exit door and walk into the sunset like literally every cartoon episode like this ever. Cut to SpongeBob in a control room upstairs with Gary)
SpongeBob: I think we really got it to them, Gary. I think they’ll be the bestest of friends soon enough.
Gary: Meow?
SpongeBob: Oh don’t be such a pessimist, Gary. I’m sure there will be no qualms with them in the future.
(A vine boom sound effect plays as the episode ends)
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