Homer Scissorhands/Quotes

:Selma: I can't believe I'm saying this, Homer Simpson, do me.
:(Homer thinks she wants to have sex with him and is about to cut his head off)
:Selma: I meant my hair!
:Homer: Oh. (Sighs in relief)
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:Patty: Whoa! Who undid my do?
:Ned: I didn't do diddily, and certainly not squat.
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:Homer: (gasps) One hundred dollars?! Marge, how much is that in smackeroos?
:Marge: One hundred.
:Homer: Woo hoo!
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:Marge: Well, Newsweek Magazine did say it's good to change careers, right after they laid off all their editors.
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:Lisa: Why would a popular fifth grader like Taffy be interested in a Milhouse like Milhouse?
:Bart: I don't know. It's one of those mysteries, like how do my clothes get clean and put back in my drawers?
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:Homer: Like Mozart and Johnny Knoxville, my genius cannot be stopped! (sobbing) Oh, there's only one way out! I'm committing barbicide!
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:Hans Moleman: (Lisa catches him and Lunchlady Doris at Holding Hands Point) We're just trying to put our relationship back together.
:Lunchlady Doris: In the sack, he's Salsbury steak. Everywhere else, creamed corn.
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:Marge: Ooh, Homie, you're making my toes curl. You sure know how to please a woman.
:Homer: (chuckles) As long as it doesn't involve losing weight or changing my pants.
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:Marge: Homer, thanks to your unlicensed barbery, Patty and Selma have been getting compliments all day at the DMV.
:Grampa: You two look good. Open-casket good!
:(Patty and Selma chuckle)
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:Lindsey Naegle: I hear this is the home of Springfield's hottest hairdresser. I need a haircut, and I need it in three, two, one, now.
:Homer: Lady, I'm not a hairdresser. I just put a new lid on a couple of trash cans.
:(Patty and Selma grunt)
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:Bart: (jumps in front of Lisa as she paints) I jumped in front of your picture! Now it's ruined!
:Lisa: Bart, this isn't a photograph. I'm not gonna just paint you into my--
:(sees that she has painted in Bart)
:Lisa: Aah! You just ruined six months' work!
:Bart: I'm really sorry it wasn't a year! (cackling)
:Lisa: Augh! You're gonna regret the day you were born!
:Bart: I already do. It's too close to Christmas.
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:Selma: You did this? With your fat fingers and your brain the size of a superball?
:(fade to cross-section of Homer's head, showing his brain bouncing around until it comes out his ear and bounces away)
:Homer: And stay out!
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:Milhouse: So, Lisa, I love you. Is that love "requited" or "un"?
:Lisa: I'm sorry, but I don't love you, Milhouse, and I never will.
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:Taffy: I thought that was beautiful.
:Milhouse: You did?
:Taffy: Yeah. It was romantic and it rhymed.
:Milhouse: Well, I used a rhyming dictionary, but it only gives you options. The job of the poet is to say, "This one, I guess."
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:Homer: All day long, they tell me stupid, pointless, boring stories, and I have to stand there listening with a phoney grin plastered on my face.
:Moe: (with a phony grin plastered onto his face) Uh-huh.
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:(After Taffy abandons Milhouse)
:Milhouse: You don't want me to be with you, you don't want me to be with someone else. How miserable do I have to be before you're happy?
:Lisa: Milhouse, I, I-- (groans)
:(Lisa kisses Milhouse)
:Milhouse: Lisa, does this mean you like me?
:Lisa: Yes. No! I don't know! It means that... that life is full of unexpected things and you should never give up. And you're cute in the moonlight.
:Milhouse: Aah! (falls off mountain, but "rescued" by eagle) Everything's coming up, Milhouse!
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:Sideshow Mel: (announcing who enters the Policemen's Ball) Doctor and Mrs. Julius Hibbert! Mr. Discotheque Stuart, unaccompanied!
:Disco Stu: My girlfriend isn't feeling well tonight.
:Sideshow Mel: Krusty the Clown and Disco Stu's girlfriend!
es:Homer Scissorhands/Frases
Category:Quotes
Category:Season 22 quotes