It'sa Your Dolmio Day

This is the twelfth episode of The SBFW Chronicles.
==Transcript==
(The episode begins with The Loud House theme song playing, and the TV zooms out to Granite laying on the couch, excited)
Granite: Finally, the season 6 premiere of The Loud House: Pooped! I can’t wait to shit all over this episode. Both figuratively and literally.
(The title card for Overnight Success shows up on the TV, and Granite throws the remote directly at the TV screen, which breaks the TV)
Granite: (yelling) Mom, Overnight Success came on again!
Granite’s mom: God damn it, when are you gonna learn? We only have two more TV’s left!
(Granite’s mom comes by, picks up the broken TV, and replaces it with an identical new TV)
Granite: Thanks mom.
Granite’s mom: I want to unbirth you.
Granite: Why thank you.
(Granite’s mom leaves)
Granite: Now, where was I? Oh yeah. (he grabs the remote and turns on the TV, and Pooped! is playing)
Lincoln: Oopsie doodles! I made a poopy in my diapey wipey!
Lisa: Lincoln, we’re all gonna die tomorrow.
Lincoln: That’s cool sis but I just shat my pants.
Granite: Now this is entertainment.
(22 minutes later…)
Lincoln: And that’s how you do the armpit fart dance!
Rita: You’re no longer our son.
(The TV screen turns to commercials, and Granite turns the TV off with the remote)
Granite: That was a masterpiece. Now time to complain about Overnight Success on da forums.
(He gets on his laptop and starts typing random gibberish)
Granite’s mom: “Among Us sex?” Jesus christ christ, son, what kind of degeneracy is this?
Granite: It’s okay, it’s what everyone on here is doing nowadays.
Granite’s mom: Stupid internet generation. Back in my day, we had to drive 15 MILES just to find an internet router.
Granite: Sure, grandpa.
(Granite’s mom leaves in a huff)
Granite: Now, where was I? Oh yeah.
Dolmio guy: Hey Graaanniiiitteeeee…
Granite: Who’s there?!
Dolmio guy: Me and only me.
Granite: Are you the ghost of Christmas past?
Dolmio guy: Ew no, I try to forget the past.
Granite: What’s wrong with the past?
(Dolmio guy starts having Vietnam flashbacks)
Dolmio guy: Let’s just forget about it. Say, how about we go watch some uh… Nickelodeon?
Granite: There’s hundreds of channels on our TV and out of all of them you choose Nickelodeon?
Dolmio guy: I’m not sponsored by Viacom whatsoever.
Granite: Okay, if you say so. (he turns the TV on and changes the channel over to Nickelodeon)
Annie: Pony, don’t-!
(A squishing sound can be heard)
Pony: What?
Annie: You just killed a man!
Pony: OH GOD OH FUCK
Annie: Quick, hide the body!
Granite: You sure you wanna watch this?
Dolmio man: Anything to forget the past…
Granite: Okay then…
Dolmio man: Hey, want some lasagna?
Prim: DKSLFJSDLFKJSDLKFJDSLKFJDSLKFLJSDFLKJDLSKJDKLFJDSLKFJDKFJDLKFJSLKFJSKLDFJSDLKFJLDKJFLSKDJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLKDJFLKSDJFLKFLKDJFLKJFLKJLKFJFKLJDFLKDSKLFDJ
Dolmio man: I’ll take that as a yes.
Granite: Well I haven’t eaten anything besides toast for the past 10 years, so I guess so.
Dolmio man: Great!
(The Dolmio man gets up from the couch, pulls a box of lasagna out of his crotch (yes, really), and puts it in the nearby microwave)
Granite: How much stuff do you have in there?
Dolmio man: Enough to last me in bed.
(laugh track)
Prim: imhungrywherethefuckismylasagna
(The microwave beeps loudly, and the Dolmio man opens the microwave and sniffs the lasagna)
Dolmio man: Smells like the present. Because the present… is a present.
Granite: Hilarious.
Dolmio man: Oh right, the food.
(The Dolmio man walks over to Granite and Prim and gives them each a helping of the lasagna)
Dolmio man: And one for me, of course.
(Dolmio man and Prim start eating their lasagna)
Granite: Say, what’s the occasion?
Dolmio man: Occasion? I never thought you’d ask. It’sa Dolmio Day! Happy Dolmio Day, everyone!
(Everyone cheers, and they all go back to eating their lasagna)
TV: And now back to The Loud House.
(The TV starts playing the title card for Overnight Success, and Granite screams and throws his lasagna at the TV)
Granite: Damn it.
Dolmio man: And that’s why I try to forget the past.
(Dolmio man looks directly at the camera while Seinfeld music plays, ending the episode)
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