Poetry Smackdown Raw 2013

The fifth chapter of Total Drama: Superstar Showdown posted on April 30, 2013. The 19 remaining contestants head to a coffeehouse, where they compete in slam poetry and meet a strange new acquaintance of Roz's.
==Story==
"Previously on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, a lot of weird interactions happened!" Roz says, doing the recap. "Devin decided to not only prance around in his underwear, but he also had a weird sack with a bunch of personal items in it. Don't ask me, I have no idea. Anyway, I really don't like recaps, so please enjoy this picture of a hamster eating a banana." A picture of a hamster eating a banana pops up. After a few minutes, Roz talks again. "Oh, yeah. I completely forgot. Tolkien was eliminated, which is the saddest thing ever for me. Cri-cri-cri! Tolky was a great kid, you know? All right, I'm done, now let's just see the people in their cabins. Who will win, who will lose, blah blah blah. Don't you guys get tired of hearin' this stuff?"
The Hopalong Ralphcakes are shown in their cabin, where Arthur is wreaking havoc... as usual.
"Hey, man," Arthur yells into his cell phone. "Is this Todd? This is Harry Richards speaking." An unidentifiable noise is heard from the other side. "Don't rustle my jimmies, man. I know you are Todd. Now, give me the cornbread or bad things will happen." There's a loud crash heard from the other side. "Todd, I'm not playing around. You divorced me and forced me to live with your dysfunctional, 96-year-old grandmother who leaves her teeth sitting around on the kitchen table. You took my money as well. I need that money back, Todd. I'm completely serious."
"Lolwut?" Chelsey says.
Chelsey says in the confessional, "OK, I don't even know what Arthur's talking about anymore. The guy is probably all hopped up on drugs 95% of the time. But hey, I'm not complaining. We've won like 3 times."
"Hey, hey, Arthur," Kavren says, elbowing Arthur while Arthur's on the phone. "Let's go pull a prank on Elena." Arthur completely ignores Kavren. "Aw, come on, dude. It will be fun. We can pour slime on her or whatever." Kavren continues to bother Arthur, as the camera moves to Puck and Nic, who are playing air hockey.
"Hey, man, you should really be better at this than you actually are," Nic says, as he beats Puck for the umpteenth time. "You are named Puck, and you claim to be awesome at hockey."
Puck begins to sweat. "No, dude, I mean, not air hockey! Ice hockey is where it's at!" he says. "You can even ask Wolfie! He knows about my fantastic skills in hockey."
"If 'fantastic' means 'I-want-to-stab-myself-with-a-ruler-whenever-I-see-you-play,' then yep, you're certainly fantastic," says a growly voice from the corner.
Puck says in the confessional, "Wolfie is just a hater. We're definitely friends. He just... doesn't appreciate my panache. That's okay, true friends can admit each other's faults!"
"Where's Trey?" Kavren asks. "I feel like we haven't been bothering him as much lately, d00d."
"Oh, he's in the bathroom, having Montezuma's Revenge," Arthur responds. "Karma sure is a no good, selfish, heartless, pushy, bossy, mean bully of a girl."
The toilet flushes, and Trey mopes out of the bathroom. "Hey, speak of the devil," Kavren says.
"...Now you're calling me the devil?" Trey says quietly. "God, you guys are such tools..."
Elena is shown in the confessional. "You know, part of me is actually really sad for Trey. He's obviously the first one gone if we lose, and even though I'm way too good for him, I think he could get a girlfriend. You know, if she was blind. And deaf. And looked like a cow." She pauses. "...You know what? I hate Trey. Screw him."
Chelsey walks up to Elena, who's upstairs. "Hey." Elena looks at Chelsey and scowls. "...What are you doing? Wanna leave? Thaaaanks."
"No. We need to talk," Chelsey says. "I'm getting tired of these Cro-Magnons on our team. Do you mind... doing what I say, so we can get rid of these losahs? Like, maybe if they were semi-popular we could keep them. But they all have absolutely NO PP."
Elena grins widely at Chelsey. "I don't care," she says, while still smiling. "No, but really, there's something wrong with everyone here. Arthur is fat and ugly, Kavren looks like a weasel, and Trey used to be really orange. And that's just the first three. Anyway, where are the boring girls?"
"Probably off somewhere, being boring," Chelsey says. "It's not like they... Wait. Why am I talking to you? I hate you. Forget you. Go home. Goodbye." Chelsey stomps out of Elena's room.
Flora, MacKenzie, and Veronica are shown, sleeping. The camera then moves to the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits' tents, where Julia is awake and doesn't seem to be happy.
"Ew, Chrissy, I am so freaking hot right now. I am PISSED. You wanna know why? I finally decided to get an email so my mother can 'monitor' me, and some @#$%! took the username I was gonna use, 'Larryfashionluvr69.' I now have to go with my second choice. I have to add another 69! You know, I think I'm gonna go take my anger out. This is too much," Julia yells.
"Oh, whatever are you gonna do now," Helga says, off-screen. "It's not like you have a million dollars or something. Poor you."
"Shut it, Helga, go back to fangasming over Deadward Sullen," Julia snarls.
"Ew, I don't even like that series," Helga says, while reading a book called The Adventures of Puckleberry Jake. "And I thought you enjoyed me as a person."
Helga says in the confessional, "I'm really starting to question whether this is even the same Julia as the one I knew back in Tiki. Meh, at least she's sharing my same mindset. You know, I always loved her, she's just so... grumpy. Great minds think alike."
Trick is shown, sitting on the ground. Alex, who's lying down next to him, says, "You're a douchenugget, you know that?"
"Did-- what? Dude?" Trick stutters. "I'm just trying to play the game, man. I thought we had agreed that Tolkien was the one to go."
"But, you know, he really liked Roz. I don't know, maybe he's attracted to those psycho chicks. I don't like that, man. I prefer calm girls," Alex says. He stares out into space, noticing what he's just said.
"Yeah, he really liked Roz, whatever. A couple is really dangerous in a game like this," Trick says.
"...She's not even competing," Alex responds. "Dude, can we just try not to lose anymore so we don't have to get into these dumb and pointless arguments?"
"Yo, dawgs, whassup? I peep you gots some funk game talkin' goin' on. I ain't talkin' bout chicken n' gravy, dawg. Mind if tha Devsta joins?" Devin swaggers into the room. "Y'see, I be jammin' to Brick Boss lately, but he be so obese that I be tired of seein' his moobies jiggle, yo. So I decided t' chill down here, man. I even had some makin' m' new dubstep! Wanna check it out? Be pretty fly, yo." He presses a button on his uPod, and metallic-sounding screeches emanate from it.
"That's. Not. Music," says a snide voice from off-screen.
"Yeah, you guys wanna hear some real music?" Julia says, walking in. "Listen to 1E. Even Dustin freaking Nutria isn't THAT bad. Leeyum said in an interview that he wanted to do a collaboration with Dustin! ISN'T THAT SO EXCITING?!"
"You know what would be exciting?" yells Layla. "If one of you could get me a latte. K? Thaaaanks. And if you don't, uh... Remember when I made Charles do push-ups? Yep. You guys better have some big abs."
"Well, uh, Nic isn't here, so you're out of luck," Helga says sarcastically. "But seriously, guys. We HAVE to win. Do you want to become the Terrible Tikis 2.0? I don't think so."
"Winnin' ain't everythin', señorita. Ya jus' got'sta be chill 'n do whateva' ya can in th' challenge, and it don't matter whetha' we win o' lose," Devin says.
"Yep. We said that the first few times we lost back in Tiki Jungle. LOOK WHAT HAPPENED," snaps Julia.
Layla says in the confessional, "You know, I don't need these losers to do stuff for me. I can get a butler somewhere else. All right, here I go." She clears her throat. "Pick me to take care of, because I'm pretty, nice, and not very demanding! I'll also give you free food! ...Which may or may not have been already eaten. Pshaw, whatever."
"Uh, Julia? You're kinda exaggerating. Especially since the Tikis still had three people by the merge, and we started losing people thanks to..." says Chrissy. "Trey. Ugh, I hate that guy."
There's a rustling in the bushes. Then, Roz bursts out from the brush. "Hai, hai!" she says. "Anyway, time for the challenge and stuff. Meet me in front of the wherever. This is gonna be goooood." She leaves.
Sure enough, the contestants gather in front of Roz, somewhere on the beach. "Hey, 'sup, guys?" she says. "Today's challenge is brought to you by the amazing... Chappy! Hehe."
"This can't be good..." mutters Alex.
"Soooo, he texted me last night - yes, he can use a phone - and was like 'do the contestants like poetry'? Now, I didn't know the answer to that Q, so I decided to force you guys to like it! Isn't that cool?!" Nobody says anything. "Anyway, before we get to the challenge, I got somethin' I wanna do. Everyone, take a rock out of this bag. DO NOT LOOK." Roz walks around with a bag, and the contestants all reach in and grab a rock.
"Hmm. This rock is quite hard. That is already one thing it doesn't have in common with my peanuts," Arthur says, examining the texture of the rock in his hands.
"Art! Don't look!" snaps Roz. "All right, you guys can look in 1... 2... 3!" The contestants open their palms. Most of them have generic-looking rocks, but a few are colored. "All right, here's the dealio. If you're a Ralphcake and your rock is painted yellow, you're being switched to the Citrus Fruits, and if you're a Citrus Fruit and your rock is painted red, you're gonna go over to the Ralphcakes! Don't you guys just love team swaps?"
"Ooh, my paint is rocked yellow," Nic says. "Uh, I mean... Yes. You get it." He walks over to the Citrus Fruits, and sees Chrissy. "Senorita. It's been a while, my dear." Chrissy rolls her eyes.
"Mine's yellow too," Veronica says, as she walks over to the Citrus Fruits and waves to everyone. Layla grins smugly.
Julia and Helga hold up red rocks, and walk over to the Ralphcakes, with a look of horror on their faces.
Julia says in the confessional, "Just when I thought things couldn't get any more suck-tacular... They did. That little jerk, Arthur, is on our team. Now, you know that I harbor a DEEP animosity towards Arthur. We gotta vote him out as soon as we can, so I don't have to hear about his morbid obesity and his loose peanuts. Urgh."
"Soooo, there ya guys have it. Julia and Helga are now on the Ralphycakes, and Veronica and Nic are now on the Shi-- I mean, Citrus Fruits! Now, follow me, if you please, and we can get to the challenge," Roz says, and she begins to walk away.
"Ew, Julia," Elena says while walking. "What in the world did you do to your hair? It was sooo precious when it was red. Ugh, you're fugly now. I bet not even Nile would like you."
"Nile? The Nile River? What kind of parents would name their kid after a river? It's exactly like if I named my child Mississippi," Arthur says. "...Although, that's my cousin's name, so it would be strange."
"Lolz, Arthur," Kavren chuckles. "Is that Uncle Stanley's kid? You know, the guy who sits on the couch and resembles a watermelon?" Julia slaps her forehead.
"Yes, and Aunt Edna, whose bowels frequently act up," Arthur says. "We had dinner at her house once. Prune soup."
"Oh, yep, that was the night with that one incident with the refrigerator!" Kavren says, remembering. "There was some pretty weird stuff in there, y'know."
"Don't worry," whispers MacKenzie to Helga. "Nobody likes them, obviously. The only reason Arthur's here is because his... girth can help us in challenges."
"His girth? Isn't he 100% flab?" Helga says dryly. "I don't think I could ever imagine Arthur going to the gym."
"Oh, you know what?" Chelsey says, jotting things down in her notepad. "I actually think Arthur could gain some PP from going to the gym, you know? There are tons of douches there. Hot douches, but still douches. The ones with snapbacks and tattoos. Arthur could fit in easily, and he;d be up the popularity chain in no time. It's easy."
"I used to go to the gym..." mutters Trey. "Before everything changed... My life is like a fart..."
"Hey, moron, get your own phrase," Wolfgang growls at Trey, while passing by.
Roz arrives at the destination for the challenge. "Heyyy, guys, we're here!" Roz says. The place is small, black, and looks to be made of bricks. It says 'Red's Coffee & Poetry Hangout.' Roz giggles. "I'm getting excited already! All righty, guys, let's go in."
The door creaks open, and the inside contains tons and tons of hipsters, just sitting there, checking Tumblr, and listening to obscure bands on their reel-to-reel radios. There are also a few creepy old men, but it's mostly hipsters. A small girl with gigantic (albeit half-closed) eyes, long brown hair, and a skirt comes walking up to Roz.
"Hello, Roz," she says. Her name tag says something, but it's too hard to make out.
"Wait. Whoa. That can't be. Nuh-uh," Chelsey is at a loss for words. "...Lizza?"
"Hello, Chelsey," she says. She walks away, and to the cash register. "I am the cashier at this place. After Revolution, I decided that I should take things quite easier. So, I stopped with the Mountain Fizz, and I now work at this coffee place."
"Wow, I never noticed how big your boo--" Kavren begins, but Arthur elbows him in the stomach.
"But yes, you guys will be in the back room," Lizza explains. "Also, call me Elizabeth. I find it to be less childish. Red will be waiting for you."
Roz jumps and down gleefully. "EEEE! All righty, guys, we can't wait any longer! Let's goooo!"
Roz leads the contestants into the back room, where a seedy-looking guy wearing a baseball cap, a collared shirt over a graphic tee, and khakis is sitting. "What's the opposite of down?" he mutters.
"RED! Heart-heart-heart!" Roz squeals. She runs over to the guy and kisses him on the cheek. "Hel-loooo!" She then notices that the contestants are right there.
"Uh, you know, we can see all your nasty PDA, right?" Layla grunts. "What happened to that Chaz moron? Weren't you dating him?"
“And what about Tolkien?” asks MacKenzie. 
"Oh, Chaz and I broke up. He's a tool. And Tolky... uh... Yeah, Red’s just a pal. He shouldn’t get jelly or anything," says Roz. "Anyway, Red is my... uh, cousin! Yeah. He lives in Maine, so I almost never get to see him.”
"So, uh..." Red says quietly. "Can we get to the challenge? You wanna explain, ba-- I mean, Roz?"
"You know, maybe it’s good that Tolkien was eliminated..." mutters Alex.
"All righty! Today, you'll be treated to a short poetry showdown between two hipsters, and then you guys gotta basically do a poetry slam thing, being judged by the hipsters, who are experts on poetry... of course. Got it? Kay-kay. Red, bring out th' boys," Roz explains.
"Here we go!" Red says, surprisingly enthusiastically. "First up, it's reigning Coffee Shop Poetry Showdown champion, Hippocrates 'Hippo' Smith."
An obese man with a gigantic ginger beard, a lumberjack shirt, a beanie, coffee-stained jeans, and glasses steps out. "Greetings," he says. "Today I'll be performing 'The Life Of A Reject.'"
"That sounds like my life..." Trey mutters.
"Oh, wow, mine too!" Flora says.
"I sit in the dark... The darkness overwhelms my soul. Nobody likes me... I have no power or control. At my school, they think I'm fat... And ugly as well. You know, my life... It's just like hell. I don't know who I want to be, I don't know why they always tease me. Bad things happen, yes, I know. But does it really make me grow? I feel numb most of the time. I'm running out of things to rhyme. Yes, that's my life, always running out of rhymes. People throw turkey sandwiches at me... all the time," he says.
"Oh, turkey sandwiches! I got those thrown at me by my good buddy Wolfie!" says Puck. "But, I think he was just trying to be a chill dude and supply me with food. Right, Wolfie? You're such a good friend."
Wolfgang looks at Helga, who makes a fake gagging noise, and Wolfgang chuckles.
"Staaaaaahp talking," whines Hippo. "Uh, actually, I'm done." He walks off the stage.
"Hell breezy," raps Devin. 
"Okay, then..." says Red quietly, as he goes back onto the stage. "Will Hippo keep the crown? Here's his competition. Please welcome Steve "Polonium" Johnson!"
A really skinny, tall guy with a hairdo that nobody else in the world most likely has comes out. He's wearing a shirt depicting an obscure rock band, is wearing non-prescription glasses, smoking a hand-rolled cigarette, and has no shoes.
"Hi," he says. "My poem today is called Smoking Pot."
"Oh-em-eff-goddess," Elena shrieks. "Are these poems intruding into our personal lives or something?"
"What?! You smoke pot?! Wolfie says that people who do that drop out of high school, never go to college, and usually die alone!" Puck says. Wolfgang rolls his eyes.
Polonium clears his throat. "Let's go," he says. "I walk outside my room. I go downstairs, and hear a shriek. I have forgotten something large, and my girlfriend who is named Marge... will get mad at me. Sadly, I must go pee. Although, when I come out, I hear the oven shout. The pot is overflowing, and I am this close to going... outside of my house, just like a dead mouse. I stop the smoking pot, and burn my hands and shout. I take the mac and cheese... out, and start to wheeze. It tastes like the bee's knees. Can you have some? Oh, please." The hipsters from outside are shown clapping as Polonium exits the stage.
"...What was the point of that whole spiel?" Helga inquires.
"There was none!" Roz says. "Except for the fact that YOU guys will be doing it now! All righty, judges. Who do you think won that round?"
"Is this really necessary?" whines Alex. "I wanna sleeeeep."
Polonium stands at the stage, looking angry. "Well, if you guys don't appreciate true art, then I guess you can just go!" he whines.
"Yeah, uh, if you complain, you gotta sit out of th' challenge," Roz pouts. "Sorry."
"Don't I always complain..." Trey mutters. "Maybe that's why everyone hates me... I wouldn't be surprised..."
"I don't hate you, Trey," Chelsey says sympathetically. "...Just kidding. I do. I'm not even gonna waste my time on your PP, you're such a scumbag that it's not worth my time."
"All right, here we go, who wants me to pick and who wants Red to pick?" Roz says.
"Is death an option?" Estrella says quietly.
"Was that really needed, Strelly?" shrieks Roz. "Out of the challenge. Baaaai, sit over there on the Bench of Losers."
"I might as well go ove--" Trey begins.
"SHUT UP!" yells Julia, before he can finish.
"Fine. Red can pick. Ugh, you guys take the piss out of me," mutters Roz. "All righty, Reddy baby. You gotta pick the battlers."
"Uh, okay," Red says apprehensively. "Fat dude on the red team versus the blonde guy on the other team. I don't know your names, sorry."
"My name is Gertrude Flabberman," Arthur says. "Hello, Trick. I am going to roast you."
"Ooh, awesome, I'll go get the steaks!" Kavren says happily.
"Uh... go," Red says unenthusiastically. He then resumes making out with Roz, and the others look on in disgust.
"Oh, something I forgot to mention!" Roz says. "You guys gotta pick the same topic, and alternate back and forth or whatevs."
"Ugh. That's not true poetry slamming! You spit on the true artful form of it!" yells Hippocrates.
Polonium nods his head in agreement. "Not cool, man."
"Just... go. So we can get this challenge over with," grumbles Roz. 
Red nods his head. "Your theme is bikinis. Go!"
"Bikinis. They are on the bottom. Bottom's not on top. Top of my head, I find things that may or may not be dead. My skinny little cousin is named Fred. Fred's leg always hurts, and I have a Puber T shirt," Arthur begins.
"Bikinis. You know. Males go to beaches, in their desperate ways. Always looking for a woman, you see. They don't think they can use their personality... After all, I got Camm-ee, and I didn't wear a bikiniii," Trick says.
"To be honest, Cammy is not hot. I would rather take Chelsey, even though I do not have a shot. Cammy's nose is big, and her personality is that of a pig. All she did was cry all day, and it made me want to slay... Myself. Kavren's ears resemble those of an elf," Arthur says.
"Well, maybe she cried, but did you ever stop to think that her true personality lies inside? Beauty's in the heart, you old fart. Now, your poetry is crap, but mine is a form of art," Trick finishes.
"Blehhhh. You guys are mediocre at poetry," Roz says. "But, since Trick is douchey, Arthur wins! The Ralphies are leading, 1-0. KK. Hmm... Let's see who's next. Since Red is asleep, I think," she glances at Red, who's snoring, "Alex versus Julia!"
"Wait, but we're on the same t..." Alex says. "Wait. Never mind. Muh, can I volunteer Devin? He's good at rapping, I imagine he'd be good at poetry."
"Actually, dawg, I don't be likin' poetry. Too much words, yo," Devin says. "That Dev don't unda'stand."
"Uh, sorry, dude. Roz said that Alex would go, so Alex has to go," Red says.
Kavren is shown talking to Lizza, who's walking around. "Hey! Lizz! Mind getting me some bubble tea? It makes my stomach all bloopy."
"Coming right up, sir," Lizza says calmly.
"Oh, hey, annoying caffeine chick. Grab me a slab of bologna if you've got it. Unless you're one of those crappy bars that only sells alcohol," Layla scoffs.
"No, we do not even sell alcohol. We're a coffee shop," Lizza says. "Would you like me to get you a baguette instead?"
"No, I want some dung with parsley on it," says Layla rudely. "Of course I want a baguette. Chop-chop."
“All right, but you will have to pay money for it,” Lizza says. “We don’t just give people things freely.”
While Layla and Lizza continue bickering, Julia clears her throat. “Uh, Roz?! Shouldn’t we... I dunno, be doing the challenge?” she says angrily.
“Talk to Red, not me. I’m trying to get this hangnail off,” Roz says nonchalantly, picking at her finger.
“Uh? What?” Red says, taking off his Beets by Dray. “Fine. Let’s just do it. Devin versus Julia. Go.”
“Yo, Juli-Juli-G, you ain’t no playa! When you had shawt ‘n red hair, you be so much hotta’! Now you’s obsessed wit’ One Erection, yo! But no other dudes be likin’ you, yuh a’ready knooooe!” raps Devin.
“Shut up, Devin. Your long hair is ugly. And your taste is really bad if you think 1E is... fugly. Your sagging pants don’t make you look cool, they make you look like a fool,” Julia yells.
“It is quite odd that both of Roz’s significant others have appeared only in challenge that involve spoken word,” Arthur mutters.
“Dude, I’m her cousin, man,” Red says peevishly.
“Yes, and I am Theodore Roosevelt,” Arthur says. His watch then rings. “No, I am actually... Puber T.”
“Ugh, SERIOUSLY?!” yells Julia, in the middle of her rap against Devin. “Red, I know we’re on the same team, but I gotta roast this noob.”
“Julia. Simmer down,” Helga tries to reassure her. “You can take your anger at Arthur out later by sending explicit emails to him online.”
Roz clears her throat. “OK, so since Red and I have to get mass-- I mean, we’re kinda pressed on time, the Citrus Fruities get a point and we’re gonna get into a tiebreaker. Any volunteers? You’ll get this free lollipop!” Roz pulls out a lollipop shaped like her head.
“Yes. Indeed. I shall rap for the Citrus Fruits. My rap skills are unma-a-a-atched,” Nic says in autotune.
“Hey, can I go for you guys?” Flora says. “I think I can--”
“No,” Elena says rudely, interrupting her.
“Come ON. It’s not like you’d be any better,” Chelsey says. “That is, if your rap skills are as good as the type of clothes you wear.”
“OHHHHHHH!” yells Puck obnoxiously. Wolfgang slaps his forehead.
“No... Guys... Just give her a chance... It’s not like we have anything to lose... I’ll just be the first one voted out of the team...” Trey mutters.
“Oh,” Flora giggles uncomfortably. “Thanks, Trey. I think? Okay, Roz, I’ll go against Nic!”
“Cool,” Red says unenthusiastically. After five seconds, he says, “What are you waiting for? Go.”
“Are you ready for a beating? I am the greatest villain,” Nic says, while flexing his muscles. “Bring it on, little girl! I will just be sitting here chillin’. Your raps are not good, in fact I can’t even hear them. You have a Pokemon shirt, and absolutely no skill. I rap like Three Blingz, and my flow is quite ill.”
“Nic, you were on our team, but you left and now you’re history. If you paid attention, you’d know that it’s not rapping, it’s poetry,” says Flora sweetly. “It’s cute that you think you’re a villain, when you’re not intimidating at all. If you want, we can go shopping one day at the mall. I’m done.”
“Wow, that actually wasn’t that ba--” Elena begins. “I mean, ew. That was AWFUL. Flora, you’re done.”
“I thought she did pretty good,” shrugs MacKenzie.
“Did pretty well,” corrects Helga.
“Of course,” Arthur says. “It is a common trope. The underdog proves herself after beating another in a battle, and wins for the team.”
“Who said she won?” Red says. After a pause, he says, “Just kidding. She obviously won. So, uh, Ralphcakes, you guys win again. Other team, once again, you’re gonna vote some dude out. Peace.”
Red and Roz leave the building. Lizza comes in, with a gigantic bill. “This is for all the food that Layla ate.”
The team glares at Layla. “What?!” she yells angrily. “I get special privileges, obviously.”
The Hopalong Ralphcakes come back to their cabin, happy to win once again.
“So this is your crib, huh? Nice place. I’m surprised,” Julia says, surprisingly happily.
“Ew, it smells like--” Helga begins.
“Body odor and Arthur’s anus? Yep, that’s about all I ever smell,” interrupts Wolfgang, and Helga smiles at him.
“My anus? It is not my anus, unless my anus somehow got up and walked around and spread its smell all over the place,” Arthur explains.
“Bluhhhh,” Wolfgang says. “I’m gonna go crash. Nighty.” He falls asleep on the couch and starts combing his hair in his sleep.
Puck walks up to the sleeping Wolfgang, and pours a bucket of ice-cold water on his head.
“LRVRTCSUKRV!” yells Wolfgang, waking up with his hair completely drenched. “You blockhead! What did you do that for?!”
“Oh, uh, I had something to tell ya, Wolfie! Didn’t want to disrupt your naptime,” Puck explains.
“Disrupt? DISRUPT? You basically took my naptime, fed it poisoned food, shot it twice in the chest, tied it up and threw it into a river!” Wolfgang yells. “Now, WHAT did you possibly want to ask me?”
“Oh! I just wanted to tell you there was a fly buzzing around your face. It’s gone now, bro. Don’t worry!” Puck says happily.
Wolfgang’s face turns red as he blows smoke out of his ears and makes a noise resembling that of a locomotive.
Chelsey is watching Nebraska Shore, and Elena walks up next to her. “Ugh. What do you want?” Chelsey says.
“Is my makeup dripping? I feel sweaty,” Elena whines.
“Ugh, Elena. You have to understand that I don’t like you. I know we had that little talk earlier, but that doesn’t mean I respect you any more than I did. I just... don’t think you’re as awful of a person than I did,” Chelsey says.
“People think I’m an awful person...” says a voice from the corner. “I’ve gotten used to it.”
“Okay, fine. Here’s all I want. Girls’ alliance with you, Julia, and Helga,” Elena says.
“I thought you hated them and thought they weren’t popular,” Chelsey says. “They aren’t, but still.”
“I do hate them. But you have to admit, they’re waaay more popular than Arthur and those morons,” Elena says. “I don’t even like being in the same ROOM as them.”
“Neither do I,” Chelsey says, she then pauses. “You know, you’re actually onto something. I’ll get back to you on that.” She scoffs, then takes out her phone and begins texting.
Back at the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits’ gathering of tents in the grass, Devin puts his pants up to dry. “Yo, dawgs, I got some bling in m’ pants, so don’t be trippin’, kaykay?” he says.
“Ugh. Whatever,” Estrella mutters.
Estrella says in the confessional, “You know, Devin is different than I thought he’d be.” She pauses. “He’s actually worse. Can’t stand the kid. But Alex and Nic are also really, really awful. I’d like to turn any of them into a squid, but I have to go with the team.”
“What are you thinking?” Trick walks up to Estrella.
“God, Trick, I’m not going to talk strategy with you,” Estrella says. “You’ll just backstab me.”
“Backstab?” Trick says, shocked. “I’m not that kind of dude... I don’t think. Estrella, you’re a trustworthy person.”
“Fine. As long as it isn’t me, I’m good,” Estrella says.
“Okay,” Trick says. He looks around to make sure nobody is around. He then whispers, “Vote Veronica.”
“Who?” Estrella asks.
“Veronica,” Trick repeats. “She’s the ginger who came from the other team. She’s a threat, ‘cause she has ties with the Ralphcakes and could easily flip at the merge.”
Estrella scoffs. “Why couldn’t we take out Nic? He’s easily more annoying."
“He’s buff. We need that in challenges,” Trick explains.
“Yep, there’s definitely gonna be a challenge that involves weight lifting,” Estrella says. “But, whatever. If you want to vote Veronica, we can. I’d rather vote Devin, though, but since your girlfriend is the only person in the universe who I don’t abhor, you’re good by default.”
“Thanks,” Trick says. He smiles, then walks away.
“Um, hello?!” Layla is watching a TV show on her uPod. She yells at Veronica, who looks at her. “Mind getting me a protein shake?”
“Uh... Why?” Veronica says, confused.
“My hips are getting big and bulgy,” explains Layla. “See? Now, do it. Stat. I need to look semi-decent if I wanna be on the cover of one of those designer magazines.”
“Oh, okay!” Veronica says. About a minute later, she comes back outside, carrying the protein shake. “Here you go, Layla! But won’t that put meat on your bones instead?”
“Don’t. Question. My methods,” Layla says loudly. “Thanks, sweetheart. Love you.”
Veronica says in the confessional, “You know, Layla is intimidating... But I don’t think that being her Charles is that bad. It easily gives me a chance to go to the final two, because alliances of two are powerful. As long as I do as I am told, I can get far and I’ll win! I’m happy that I have friends. Layla’s nice, just misunderstood.”
Layla says in the confessional, “Heh. That idiot actually thinks I’m going to be nice to her? As if. Did she even watch last season? She’s Charles, minus the sass and... er, wrinkly parts. I’ll dump her soon enough, it’s just funny that she falls for my crap that easily after being played by Amanda in the very first season.”
“Yo, G,” Devin walks up to Trick. “Do me a fava’ an’ don’t vote me out t’night, a’ight?”
“Of course,” Trick says. “We’ve got an alliance, remember? Last time, when we voted out Tolky, we stuck together. I think.”
Alex mutters something on the couch. “I dunno. You’re kinda a snake.”
“A snake, wut? Dis guy be trustworthy,” Devin says reassuringly.
“Yeah. I’m trustworthy. When I want to be,” Trick says.
Devin says in the confessional, “Y’know, I had be usin’ m’ analytical skillz an’ I decided that th’ two main targets fo’ eliminananation is Veronica ‘n me. So, obvi, I be votin’ Ronnie. I ain’t gon’ vote m’self out, yo. That just be stupid.”
Smoothie Guy is shown at the elimination ceremony. “What’s up, @#$%&es? Anyway, your host isn’t here at the moment. Guess who’s replacing her? ME. Okay, so seashells go to... That blonde dude. And the dude with Dustin Nutria hair.”
Trick and Alex catch their seashells, and stare at each other.
“That annoying moron who was a gentleman back in Rev City,” Smoothie Guy says. “The one with black hair.” Devin sighs, and Nic catches his seashell.
“Layla,” Smoothie Guy says. “Of course I know your name, do you think I don’t read the tabloids?”
“WHAT tabloids?!” groans Layla.
“Wait, you’re not dating Lion Forests?” Smoothie Guy says. “Darn it. I was hoping he’d cheat o-- you know what, never mind. Okay, Chrissy, you’re safe too. And Estrella.”
“You know what, I forgot you were here,” says Estrella to Chrissy.
“Being places is too mainstream,” says Chrissy softly.
“Final sush-- I mean, seashell of the night, folks. Devin and... you. I don’t know your name,” Smoothie guy says.
“I’m used to it...” Veronica says.
“The final seashell goes to...”
"The ginger. Ugh, can you tell me your name or something?" Veronica catches her seashell.
"What?!" Devin shrieks. "Dis be rigged, yo. What I even do?"
"I'm sorry, but you got in the way..." Layla says. She then slaps her forehead. "Of stuff. You're just annoying. Bye."
"Whateva, yo!" Devin says. "You dawgs jus' be jelly cuz I be me and I be real! And y'all ain't! K, I'm done." He walks to the Boat of Losers, and makes an obscene gesture with his hands. "Peace."
"That... sure came out of left field, huh?" Chrissy says. "Whatever. I wasn't affected in any way."
Layla and the others walk back to the tents. Smoothie Guy's voice is heard. "Wait, have you at least TALKED to Lion? Ugh, I want to know all the juicy gossip!"
Layla says in the confessional, "All right. I'm not the kind of you-know-what who just takes control of the game and crap, but Devin had to go. It was either him or Veronica, and you know Veronica has to stay in because she's my Charles. It wasn't hard, really. I'll go to the final two with Veronica if I can. And then, I will win. And actually use the money this time."
Roz suddenly appears in front of the Boat of Losers. "Drama!" she says. "Soooo, Dev-meister is finally gone. Who will follow in his footsteps? Will more juicy drama happen with our contestants? Will Tolky have a meltdown? Find out... whenever! Bai!"