Story Sins

Note: So far will only be sinning my stories. If you want to have your story met by a nitpicky version of me, go to the talk page.
== Everything Wrong With ==
=== Halo: The Spartan's Prayer ===
Kal-I338 swung his fist into the Insurectionist's head, knocking him unconscious. Good night, Kal thought. "Kal, what's your status on taking out Jai?" Goddamit, the Spartan thought. "Shut up, Jay, I'm working on it!" Kal yelled into the comm, frustrated. The UNSC Spartan's Prayer was being boarded by Insurectionist leader Jai, and Kal was supposed to stop him.
Bad writing is bad. Also, I'm fairly certain he spelled Insurrectionist wrong.
Sins:+1 
Sins Total: 1
Jay-I425 fired his MA5D at the Insurectionist and the terrorist went down, with several bullets in his throat. The Spartan took the Innie's M6 and unloaded it. Going to need that, Jay thought, I wonder what Kal is doing.
I know that since a character actually took ammo from an enemy is a good thing, as we won't have to compare this thing to one of the John Wick movies, but what I'm more concerned about is that the writer referred as the Innie as a "Terrorist", and not a Rebel! Shame on you, JayStopMotionAndMore, SHAME ON YOU. For that, 10 MORE SINS.
Sins:+10
Sins Total: 11
Kal kicked Jai in the chest, receiving a punch from the Innie leader. Kal smiled from inside his helmet, trying not to laugh at the sight of the great and terrible, Innie leader, holding his own hand in pain. Yeah, I bet that would hurt Kal swung his leg into Jai's head, knocking the rebel into one of the computers. Jai yelled out in pain and took out his M6, shooting at Kal. However, Kal's energy shield protected him from the bullets. Kal took out his combat knife and brought it down onto the Innie, but Jai dodged it. The knife hit the computer, damaging it even more. They both felt the ship begin to change course. Son of bitch, Kal thought before making the split-second decision to pull his knife out and stab the terrorist in the head.
WHY WOULD DOING THAT CHANGE THE SHIPS COURSE?! Wait, you're saying its to advance the plot? Okay, carry on.
Sins:+1
Sins Total: 12
He saw the ship go into slipspace and he heard the alarm.
Sins:+40
Sins Total: 52
Jay woke up hurting all over. Mayday, mayday, UNSC Spartan’s Prayer, requesting immediate evac.
Stealing from Forward Unto Dawn
Sins:+1
Sins Total: 53
The Spartan got up, confused. Then he saw the sky. He almost thought it was real, until he saw the spires that destroyed the illusion. Then he looked where he was at, and he saw bodies and debris from the ship. What happened…? He turned and saw half of the ship he had been assigned to protect. Jay began walking around, looking for any sign of survivors. So far, only bodies. He picked up an MA5D that, when he looked closely, he recognized as his. How did this happen? He realized that he still had his M6 at his side, and he couldn't believe his luck.
I know Master Chief survived such a fall in Halo 3, but Jay survives this. F*ck it, forty more sins!
Sins:+40
Sins Total: 93
Kal stumbled around aimlessly, battle rifle in hand. Why did I have to become a Spartan? Of course, he knew it was never his decision, being part of Incognito Company was entirely ONI’s fault, as they were the ones to choose the candidates. He heard the sound of ghosts. Oh crap,Covenant. Kal took cover behind a rock and saw three red and silver ghosts hovering through the canyon. And he also saw four red and black banshees flying above the ghosts. He heard the sound of a scarab roar, and he saw one, a red and silver scarab. I have to be dreaming… Kal also saw hundreds, maybe thousands, of Brutes, Elites and Grunts marching through the canyon, all holding a weapon of some sort. And they all wore the color red.
Actually...no, being part of Incognito Company is your fault, as YOU CHOSE TO BE IN IT. Tens More Sins!
Sins:+10
Sins Total: 103
Jayne-I428 snuck up on the Elite, knife in hand, and jumped onto the alien’s back, plunging her knife into the Elite’s neck. The alien shuddered for a bit, then ended up collapsing face first into it’s own pool of blood. She motioned for the survivors to follow, and they did. I can't believe this. These forces aren't Covenant, they're too red to even be considered Covenant. Jayne raised her MA5D and took cover behind a fallen tree. She saw six Brutes and two Jackals. She motioned for the group to stop, knowing full well that it would be suicide to attack the eight with only seven marines and one Spartan. Again, more red. 
I know the fact that they're red is supposed to signify that they're the Banished, but that's racist.
Sins:+1
Sins Total: 104