Transcripts 2005-10

Transcripts from October 2005 strips.
==October 3==
Panel 1Nathan is lying in a hospital bed, a hand on his glasses as he scans the room.Nathan: Aw crap! There IS another bug in here! God knows how because I watched them both like hawks! Where the hell is it?Panel 2A view of Red from behind as seen through Nathan's glasses. There is a simple GUI at the top reading File, [Scan], Options, and (X), and a box outline lower on the screen highlighting Red's right buttcheek as she glances back at Nathan, startled by his ogling.Red: ?Panel 3Camera has zoomed out to show both Nathan and Red. Nathan is staring at Red's backside, and Red is not amused by this. There is a small two-drawer end unit next to Nathan's bed (although the bottom drawer appears to be hinged like a door).Red: Unless a member of Spectre is hiding up there, stop staring at my arse!Nathan: Humm?
==October 4==
Panel 1Nathan looks up at Red, who crosses her arms.Nathan: Did you run into someone in his 50's wearing a suit by any chance?Red: Oh HIM? Yeah! He's the arsehole making me see you 24/7!Panel 2Nathan puts his hands behind his head.Nathan: I see. Look in your pockets for anything new and check your wallet!Red (off-panel): Why?Panel 3The Governor stands next to Kevin as they buy coffees. The Governor smiles and reaches in his pocket as Kevin starts to take money out of his wallet.Caption: EARLIER...Governor: I'll pay Kevin! I've just come into a bit of money!
==October 5==
Panel 1Red finds and examines a packet of gum, not amused.Red: Chewing gum?Red: I don't even like chewing gum! Ew! Especially spearmint!Red: How the hell did this get in my pocket?Panel 2Camera cut to the Governor laughing at Kevin's earache (indicated by a ★).Nathan (off-panel): He slipped it in while he was picking your pocket. It's the bug I mentioned.Red (off-panel): So... can he hear us right now?Nathan (off-panel): Possibly.Governor: Ha! Ha! Ha!Panel 3The Governor flinches in extreme pain as Red shouts into the bug, while Kevin looks on in astonishment.Red (transmission): HEY YOU DIRTY OLD BASTARD! LISTEN TO THIS! *BANG!* *BANG!* *BANG!* *BANG!*
==October 6==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is wearing large headphones (covering the whole ear).Caption (Al): It's funny how life imitates "art." My old ear bud headphones had died, and as I used them a lot I decided to splash out something a bit more robust and powerful so I got a half decent enclosed pair. With my old set I need the sound card to be cranked up to full power with an amp attached to it to get a decent volume...Panel 2Al's eyes are bugging out and teeth gritting, hair flying in every direction, as the sound blasts through the headphones at a much higher volume than expected.Caption (Al): Let's just say I've now unplugged the amp!Caption (Al): Irony sucks and also leaves your ears ringing to "Holidays in the Sun" by the Sex Pistols!
==October 7==
Panel 1Red squats down next to Nathan, who lies back with a serious look.Red: Now I've flushed the gum down the loo, can you PLEASE tell me what's going on?Nathan: I don't think that I should. I don't want to get you into any more trouble!Panel 3Close-up of Red with a mischievous look in her eye.Red: What, you can tell me, but then you'd have to kill me?Panel 3Same as panel 1, but Red is grinning in satisfaction, and Nathan is smiling at her.Nathan: Heh, heh. Yeah, something ike that. Come closer so I can gnaw you to death!
==October 10==
Panel 1Red is still sitting next to Nathan, who is lying in bed. Nathan looks concerned, but Red is neutral.Nathan: So how many days can I stay here for? A long time I hope!Red: Sorry to disappoint you, but you're scheduled to be checked out tomorrow morning.Panel 2Close-up of Nathan panicking.Nathan: TOMORROW MORNING?! But I can't even move thanks to a broken rib and I'm still recovering from concussion! What kind of hospital is this?Panel 3Same as panel 1 but Red is glaring at a now sheepish Nathan.Red: An NHS funded one! All most people get for a CRACKED rib and MILD concussion is a box of paracetamol and codeine and kicked out of the door!
==October 11==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is smiling into the camera, revealing a chipped tooth.Al: Okay folks! It's time for reader's mail!Panel 2The camera zooms WAY out to reveal a VERY large bag reading "UNANSWERED MAIL" with a tiny silhouette next to it, assumed to be Al.Al: Er...Panel 3Close-up of Al looking up at the bag.Al: Um, actually I think it's time to fire up DOS Box and play Dune 2 for a few hours! Yeah, it's defiantly that time.
==October 12==
Panel 1Close-up of Red looking over her shoulder in thought.Red (thinking): Actually, I'm glad he didn't tell me anything.Red (thinking): He's right. Whatever it is, the less I know about it, the better!Panel 2Red sitting next to Nathan, who is lying back in bed and looking up at the ceiling.Red (thinking): Pity, because he seems nice enough and this silence is awkward. I'd love to know what he's thinking about!Panel 3Close-up of Nathan, frowning.Nathan (thinking): God I'm busting for a piss!
==October 13==
Panel 1Brain is standing and staring into the camera, looking bored.Brain (thinking): "Guard the door" he says. "Don't go in! Listen from outside in case he lets something slip to that bitch" he says.Panel 2Brain looks to the left.Brain (thinking): "There'll be someone around to relieve you within the hour" he says. Bollocks! God I thought I lucked out by not being posted in Iraq, but this sucks! Hello... what's this?Panel 3Gary and Norman appear, looking particularly suspicious and not hiding it.Gary: Good evening! I'm here to see Mr Goodwin. I'm his solicitor!Norman: And I'm a florist! I brought him a bunch of flowers!
==October 14==
Panel 1Norman grins as Brain glares at him.Brain: Florist huh? Where's this bunch of flowers then?Norman: Right here!Panel 2Norman smiles as he gives Brain a BUZZZZZZT! with a cattle prod.Panel 3Norman looks "apologetic" as he holds up the cattle prod.Norman: Oh sorry! When you said "flowers", I thought you meant "cattle prod!" It's embarrassing how I get those two things mixed up!
==October 17==
Panel 1Red (sitting next to Nathan's bed) and Nathan look to the left in confusion.Gary (off-panel): Okay Norman, you stay out here while I talk to them.Norman (off-panel): Why do I have to stay out here for?Red and Nathan: ?Panel 2Norman frowns at Gary, who smiles at Norman and points downward.Gary: Because A: someone has to take care of our slightly singed friend here, B: someone has to keep a look out for any of his mates and C: the poor sod in there has had a rough day, so the sight of you might give him a heart attack!Panel 3Norman crosses his arms and gives Gary a large, malicious smile. Gary gives a sly grin in return as he adjusts his tie.Norman: Oh sure, but at least people don't feel the need to puke when they see me! Unlike you!Gary: Nah! They're only nauseous when they see my fee!
==October 18==
Panel 1Gary stands next to Nathan's bed and tugs at his lapel, looking quite sleazy, as Red and Nathan look up at him in bewilderment.Nathan: Pardon me, but who the hell are you?Panel 2Gary holds up a playing card (between his face and the camera), an Ace of Hearts but with "H&S" over the corner hearts.Gary: Solicitor Gary Heart at your service! Here's my card!Panel 3Close-up of Nathan looking closely at the card. Red's nose is barely in the panel.Nathan: All this says is "Shut up and listen!Gary (off-panel): Oh you can read! You must be smarter then the others!
==October 19==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is sitting at a table and eating takeaway.Caption (Al): Some things about Chinese food: 1. It really is as moreish as the stereotype makes it out to be. Somehow you get hungrier eating that stuff!Panel 2Al is messily SLURP!-ing up a noodle while holding a fork.Caption (Al): 2: There is no dignified way to eat it with a knife and fork! It seems to have the ability to repel western cutlery.Panel 3Al is wincing in pain, still with a messy face.Caption (Al): 3: If it says "(hot)" on the menu, they REALLY aren't fucking kidding! Which is a problem when you consider point one...Al (thinking): God, my eyes are watering, my nose is running and my lips sting, time to stop... after a few more of those crunchy thingsFried wonton strips?!
==October 20==
Panel 1Gary points menacingly at the camera, glowering.Gary: Right, firstly, do what it says on the damn card! Shut up and listen! I'm tired of taking crap from snot-nosed brats who think they're hard! If you do, my friend outside will prove that you're not hard, but in fact, quite soft and squidgy!Panel 2The camera rotates to face Nathan, with Gary's arm taking up most of the foreground.Nathan: With all due respect, I've had worse threats made against me today!Gary: That is why I'm here Mr Goodwin! My associate and I have become a somewhat "proactive" legal service. We help those deemed "useful" by our benefactors.Panel 3Close-up of Gary, this time touching his fingertips together and sneering menacingly.Gary: You were being illegally held without charge, so we removed the grunt outside your door so you can leave. I'd do that now if I were you, before they make something up to legally charge you with!
==October 21==
Single PanelClose-up of Gary staring into the camera, holding up a hand to the indicate the door. A window is on the left of the panel and a television is visible behind Gary.Gary: It is totally up to you if you accept our help Mr Goodwin. You may stay here and wait for another good to arrive and all that entails... Or you can walk out of that door!Gary: If you do, you'll be in debt to our benefactor! All he will want you to do is little jobs for him. You will be paid well for doing them too. However, if you try to shirk your responsibilities, well, lets just say bad things tend to happen to people who cross Mr Reed!
==October 24==
Panel 1Nathan lifts up his head to look at Gary (off-panel), frowning.Nathan (thinking): Mr REED?Nathan (thinking): That hacker was calling himself Reed! Maybe it's him! It's just too much of a coincidence that his guy shows up representing him, completely uninvited!Panel 2Overhead close-up of Nathan laying his head back down. His angry eyes are just visible through his glasses.Nathan (thinking): Okay, what do I do? Do I wait here for the boss to come back and risk 240AC across my nipples if he doesn't believe me, or try to find "Mr Reed" myself? Going undercover with MI-5 chasing me is bad, but it's not as bad as carbonised tits!Panel 3Silhouettes of Gary standing at the foot of Nathan's bed while Nathan and Red look at him.Nathan: Okay Mr Heart, I'll take your offer! Where are we heading?Gary: Wherever five pounds can get YOU on the bus Mr Goodwin! Good day!
==October 25==
Panel 1Norman crosses his arms and gives Gary a disappointed look. Gary is looking aside and adjusting his tie.Norman: Heh, unlike you to quit so easily! Want me to rough him up?Gary: No need! He has already agreed to the terms!Panel 2Close-up of Gary with a contemplative, distrustful face.Gary: This one was different from the rest. He wasn't a psychotic idiot like what Mr Reed normally sends us after! He seemed smart and was reasonably polite... I almost don't trust him for it.Panel 3Norman punches his palm with a SMACK! as Gary side-eyes him.Norman: Yeah, I never trust anyone who comes around to your way of thinking without a few slaps!
==October 26==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1 (technically, single Flash animation) [demonstration]Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is looking into the camera from an angle.Editable caption (Al): In a week where Wikipedia's founder admitted most of it's entries were trash, I thought I'd try something different!Panel 2Al looks into the camera face on, pointing upward.Editable caption (Al): Welcome to the Wikicomic! If you're unhappy with this comic in any way, you may edit or completely change its text!Panel 3Al turns in the other direction, grinning.Editable caption (Al): Unlike Wikipedia however, once you leave this site your worthless option will be cast to the ether where it belongs!
==October 27==
Panel 1Norman is looking away and giving an evil sneer while Gary looks downward and adjusts his tie, a confused expression on his face.Gary: Hold on, where did our lightly fried friend get to Norman?Panel 2Close-up of Norman making a creepy "puppy dog eyes" face, both ears lowered to look pitiful.Norman: "Oh nurse! My friend has collapsed in the hallway!"Norman: "He's been poorly since that bird bit him!"Panel 3Norman laughs and makes an kind of "oh stop it, you" gesture as Gary smiles.Gary: May I commend you on your use of topical issues for evil?Norman: Aw don't! You'll make me blush!
==October 28==
Panel 1Camera view from behind a car (Red's) as it goes down a road rounded with pincushion distortion. Nathan and Red are inside the car.Red: Tell me again, why am I risking my job, my career, and possibly my freedom to help someone I've only just met?Panel 2Front view of the car. Red is driving, a sour look on her face, and Nathan is looking at her, still wearing the hospital gown, bandage, and his special glasses.Nathan: I've told you it's okay! The boss was bluffing! He wouldn't dare risk getting caught messing with your records like that. You're too well known!Nathan: Altering files only works if you won't be missed, like me! If you are then it causes too much attention... umPanel 3Silhouette of the car from the side.Nathan: Er, I mean you're helping me because you're a lovely, wonderful person!Red: That's better!
==October 31==
Panel 1Close-up of Nathan in the passenger seat.Nathan: Where are we going? We seem to be going out into the sticks somewhat.Panel 2Side view of Red, from slightly behind her shoulder.Red: I've got... a friend, who lives on the south coast. He's got a number of properties and hopefully he has one free, because trust me, it's the last place anyone would look for you.Panel 3Front view of the car. Nathan smiles while Red tries to hide a cringe.Nathan: A friend huh? At least he'll be glad to see you!Red: Ummmmm... yeah....
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