LINJ/Episode 2

Jewelry Heist is the second episode of Life Is Not Jailbreak. It will be written by Tomdylanwow.
== Episode ==
===Dreamhouse - Flashback===
--Even though I hated Barbie, I had to admit her sleepovers were iconic. We'd laugh, talk about fashion, boys, Barbie would then get drunk and reveal her true bitchy messy self, normal sleepover stuff. But this one sleepover... It was different. I should've noticed something was up but... When I realised it it was already too late.--
In Barbie's bedroom, Barbie, Raquelle, Nikki and Teresa are having a fun laugh while Barbie's wasted.
Barbie: And then he said to me "But Barbie, what do you mean by "I won't be modeling in your next fashion line? We have such a strong partnership and blah blah blah" and I told him to go suck a dick! Hahahahahaha!
Teresa: Uhh Barbie, maybe you should lay off the wine for a sec?
Barbie: Excuse me, down syndrome Camila Cabello, you can sHUT THE FUCK UP UNLESS YOU DON'T WANNA BE INVITED TO MY SLEEPOVERS OK THANK YOU.
Teresa looks down. Nikki looks angry at Barbie but she completely ignores it.
--Drunk Barbie was a completely different person. She always put others down and labeled herself as the fashion doll queen... And I could tell everyone was fed up with it. If only she knew what she would cause to herself...--
Barbie: So let me tell you another story on how-
Barbie grabs her bottle of wine when she realises there's no one left.
Barbie: Aww chucks! The wine is over! Someone is going to have to go downstairs and get me more wine! Teresa!
Teresa: What??? Barbie, no!
Barbie: Fine... I guess if you don't wanna grab me a bottle of wine, we're not friends anymore... Meaning that you won't get invited to my super awesome sleepovers, and have to sleep on the streets like the dirty street rat you truly are, and catch STDs from an elderly homeless man because you were desperate for the D and then find out it was your first cousin you thought had died. That is if you decide to be a good girl and fetch me some more wine bottles!
Teresa fumes at her but nods and leaves the room.
Barbie: Ha! Good riddance!
Barbie locks the room and reveals the full wine bottles she's hidden under her bed.
Nikki: Hold up... What the fuck do you think you're doing with my friend?
Barbie: What?! She's such a moodkiller. Besides, it's not like she won't be alone.
Raquelle: Huh? What do you mean?
Barbie: I called Kirumi to mask as this serial killer type dude and trap Teresa in my huge closet while she's out getting wine.
Nikki: What? But you know how afraid she is of serial killers!
Barbie: I say she needs to overcome her fears.
Nikki: Unlock. That. Door. NOW.
Barbie: Or what Nikki? What are you gonna do? Nothing. You hold no power against me. I am Mattel's sweetheart. You are NOTHING but an accessory. Learn your place bitch.
Suddenly they hear screams from the other room.
Barbie: Whoops, looks like she's in for a ride!
The next morning...
Raquelle wakes up early and sees only Nikki sleeping. She leaves the bedroom but hides once noticing Barbie and Kirumi are talking.
Barbie: What do you mean Teresa's body dissappeared?
Kirumi: This morning I went to check up on her and I found that not only was her body not there, the blood was also gone!
Barbie: Oh god... This is bad! You have to find her quick!
Raquelle goes back to the bedroom pretending she's sleeping.
--Questions were going around my head. Did Teresa die? If so, where is her body? Who killed her? What the fuck was happening? Then I came to find out... That was the motive that set everything in motion.--
=== Criminal Base - Midnight ===
The helicopter lands on a random forest near the criminal base. Eleanor, Yasmin, Oreo, Clover, MDOSIEW and Raquelle leave and walk their way to the criminal base. After getting there, MDOSIEW pulls out a remote and presses the button as the helicopter explodes.
Clover: Gag!
They enter the criminal base as Yasmin immediately undresses herself and looks around for cute clothes.
Yasmin: Please tell me there's some designer clothes from this season!
Eleanor: You won't find anything here that's not from last season, but if you want you can borrow some of my clothes from Dolona.
Yasmin: No thanks. I'll take last season than Star Wars rip-off extravaganza.
The scene then cuts to a montage of the girls trying out clothes and grabbing their guns while a random Kim Petras song is playing on the background.
After they've finished, Oreo notices Raquelle and Clover talking.
Clover: I'm so excited you're joining the team! I mean, you killed Barbie after all, only such a skilled woman can pull that off.
Raquelle: I know right? I was pretty shookeneth with my awesome skills too.
Oreo: Meh, I don't think throwing toilet paper at someone's mouth and having them accidentally choke is that much of an impressive feet.
Clover: But she managed to infiltrate one of the biggest most famous houses in the world!
Raquelle: Yeah, take that whore!
Oreo: I thought she invited you to her house...
Raquelle: Uhh, no! No she didn't! I snuck into her house and killed her!
Oreo: So would you say that, because you totally invaded her house, you would be able to sneak into a jewelry store perhaps?
Raquelle: Uhh... Umm... Duh! Of course!
Oreo: Great, then prove it.
--SHIT! Not only did I lie about invading Barbie's house, I was suddenly being challenged to do a jewelry heist... There was no way I could pull it off. I just had to tell them the truth and run the fuck away... Maybe start a new life as a vlogger or being casted in the new Hunger Games or Big Brother seasons... Either way I couldn't do this.--
Raquelle: Oh, you're on!
Oreo: Great! We'll do this tomorrow though, I'm very tired.
Raquelle: Oh definetly whore!
Oreo: Um ok.
--Even though my Amber style bitchface was on point, deep down inside I was freaking out! I was just praying things wouldn't go too bad...--
=== Photoshoot Set - Morning ===
The next day, Adrien Agreste is posing for a magazine cover with another model when suddenly his father, Gabriel, comes in and interrupts the photoshoot.
Gabriel: Excuse me, can I steal my son for a second?
Photographer: Alright, ten minute break everyone!
Adrien goes to talk to his father.
Adrien: What's up?
Gabriel: In a few days, there will be a tribute fashion show regarding Barbie... And I want you to model in it.
Adrien: Oh yeah, I've heard about that. I'm in.
Gabriel: Great. A lot of high profile people are going to be there so you need to act your very best. If you pull your cards right this may attract attention to your career.
Suddenly Adrien spots Bitch Pudding trying to get his attention.
Adrien: Uh, I'm going to the bathroom.
Adrien leaves the photoshoot set and goes to a place where there isn't any cameras.
Adrien: What are you doing here?! I'm supposed to keep my identity a secret you know!
Bitch Pudding: Adrien. Adrien. Adrien.
Adrien: What?
Bitch Pudding: I'm going to ask you to look deep into my eyes.
Adrien: Bitch, I have a photo-
Bitch Pudding: Look into my eyes and read my emotion.
Adrien: Ugh fine.
Adrien and Bitch look at each other for 10 seconds, locking eyes.
Bitch Pudding: Can you tell?
Adrien: Tell what?
Bitch Pudding: Can you tell that I DON'T GIVE TWO SHITS ABOUT YOUR FUCKING SECRET IDENTITY OR SPECIALLY YOUR FUCKING PHOTOSHOOT?!?!?
Adrien: Will you keep it down!
Bitch Pudding: I WILL NOT FUCKING-
Adrien: Look, just tell me what you want.
Bitch Pudding: First of all, what's this about a Barbie Fashion Show?
Adrien: So it's this gala that will happen in Malibu that will celebrate Barbie's impact on fashion as people will be modeling her most iconic outfits and another line that my father designed for her. High profile people will attend, I think it will be transmitted on television and it will be emotional and that stuff.
Bitch Pudding: Oh so like the MET Gala?
Adrien: Yes! Except no, not at all...
Bitch Pudding: Ok meanwhile, I got this in the mail.
Bitch Pudding looks through pictures of her phone and shows Adrien a picture of a severed arm.
Adrien: What the actual fuck.
Bitch Pudding: And that's not all. I also received this.
Bitch Pudding pulls out a full body picture of Teresa, with her left arm cut out.
Adrien: Soo... What does it mean?
Bitch Pudding: Well if my super awesome detective intuition is right, I think that was Teresa's arm.
Adrien: Ok but why is that relevant?
Bitch Pudding: Well then I was stalking her Insta and guess what? She was one of Barbie's best friends until her mysterious dissappearance. She was last seen entering Barbie's house one night two months ago, presumably as one of their sleepovers where it's just an excuse to lick and finger each other's clits.
Adrien: So what does this mean?
Bitch Pudding: So let me set the scene for you. Teresa the Thot was making her way downtown, walking fast, faces pass and she's arrived to Barbie's house. They have hot lesbian sex but her arm gets chopped up and she goes missing. Two months later, her secret lesbian lover Barbie gets attacked by her drag queen friend, his stage name being "Raquelle Brunhilde" but it's not Barbie... It's a sock.
Adrien: So?
Bitch Pudding: ...Actually I forgot where I was going with this. But one thing's for sure, something shady happened at Barbie's house that night... And who knows? It might be linked to whatever the fuck went down with Barbie.
Adrien: Okay... So what are you going to do now?
Bitch Pudding: Paying her friends and staff a visit. Maybe I can milk some information off of them. Meanwhile stay cautious. After what went down to Fatty Saggy Sock Tits yesterday we might as well keep it cool right now. Also we need to find Raquelle and her other clitsucking friends ASAP.
Adrien: Cool, ok, no biggie.
Bitch Pudding: Alright IM GONNA SAVE THE DAY BITCHESSSSSSS! DUM DUM DUM DUMMMM! BLAM! BITCH PUDDING!
Bitch Pudding breaks a window and leaves through it, as Adrien goes back to his photoshoot.
=== Eleanor's House - Morning ===
Yasmin is at Eleanor's porch eating breakfast when MDOSIEW joins her.
MDOSIEW: What's up sis?
Yasmin: Nothing much... I'm just glad I'm free from that prison.
MDOSIEW: Same, now we can hang out more! Hopefully Oreo doesn't put us into too much trouble.
Yasmin: Please, you love getting into trouble so you can suck the cop's dick.
MDOSIEW: Ok facts but still...
Yasmin: I saw you and the Cat Noir dude were getting pretty flirty with each other.
MDOSIEW: Sis you both fell on top of each other. If that was me I would've nutted.
Yasmin: Wait you have a dick?
MDOSIEW: Fuck off.
MDOSIEW and Yasmin stare into the porch's view.
MDOSIEW: You know what, I think this calls for a few drinks.
Yasmin: Wait what? I didn't know you drank-
MDOSIEW pulls out two packets of Capri Sun.
Yasmin: Oh. Honestly I should've seen this coming.
MDOSIEW: Bitch do NOT come for Capri Sun.
They both drink the packets when suddenly thKene doorbell rings.
Eleanor: I'll get it!
Eleanor opens the door, only to find Amanita, Kylah and Smurfette.
Eleanor: Excuse me who the fuck are you guys- Oh hey Smurfette!
Smurfette: ELEANOR SHSHEOWLEKFJDOOWIEFUOSEKF OMFGGGGGGGG STAN THIS ICONIC LEGEND UGH HER MIND so these are my friends amanita and kylah cAN THEY LIVE HERE TEMPORARILY PLEASEEEEEE
Eleanor: Uh, no?
Smurfette: Fine, I'll just make everyone in this household watch my live action Smurf movies on loop!
Eleanor: Alright, alright, geez! But only temporarily.
Smurfette: YASSS I KNEW THAT I COULD COUNT ON YOU
Suddenly Oreo comes in.
Oreo: Uhh what is SHE doing here?
Oreo points to Amanita.
Amanita: Wow, I'd thought you'd be more excited to greet your new roommate!
Oreo: I'm sorry, new WHAT?
Eleanor: Relax, it's temporary.
Oreo: You clearly never met Amanita.
Kylah: Sooooo ummmmmmmm where are the dildos?
Eleanor: Uhh you can use my old lightsabers in my room on the right.
Kylah runs to the room on the right. Raquelle and Clover come out of their rooms.
Oreo: How about this... You do one jewelry heist with Raquelle successfully and then I'll let you live here.
Amanita: Uh no! Eleanor already said I could stay.
Eleanor: Temporarily bitch I can end your limited time on this house right now.
Amanita: UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FINEEEEEEEEUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Oreo: Great! Raquelle, looks like you found a partner in crime!
Raquelle looks down at Amanita, as the latter is on the couch eating Cheetos.
--Well, better than doing it alone at least.--
Smurfette: Uh I don't have to do it right?
Oreo: Of course not... But Kylah will.
Smurfette: I'll tell her once she's... Done.
Suddenly Kylah's moans echo through the entire house.
=== Ken's House - Afternoon ===
Bitch Pudding arrives to Ken's house and rings the doorbell.
Bitch Pudding: Open up you plastic son of a bitch!
After a good 30 seconds, Ken opens the door.
Bitch Pudding: What took you so long, dickturd?
Ken: I was busy!
Bitch Pudding: I have to ask you a few questions-
Ken: I already told the police everything I knew about Barbie's-
Bitch Pudding: This is not about Barbie you dumb blonde bimbo!
Cut to Bitch Pudding and Ken in the living room.
Ken: The last time I saw Teresa Fiesta Salsa Quincañeara? I think it was at one of Barbie's parties... I haven't seen her again ever since.
Bitch Pudding: Ok, you're definetly useless. I'm gonna talk to Barbie's other friends.
Ken: Wait right now?
Bitch Pudding: Yes... Why, is there a problem?
Ken: Hahaha, no, it's just that... I heard they're super busy-
Suddenly Bitch Pudding starts hearing water running.
Bitch Pudding: You left the water running in your bathroom...
Ken: Hahaha, oops, guess I better turn it off! Anyways, it was super cute to have you here, now bye bye!
Ken pushes Bitch Pudding out of the house before she can react.
Ken: Oof, that was a close call.
Ken undresses himself and goes back to the bathroom, where Nikki is waiting for him.
Nikki: Who was that?
Ken: Bitch Pudding... But who cares about her right now...
Nikki: I do! What if she caught us-
Ken gets in front of Nikki, caressing his face as they kiss.
Ken: Just relax and rub my lump.
Nikki: We really should buy dildos, kinda pointless having sex if we don't have working genitals.
Nikki and Ken fuck and suck each other the afternoon away, not realising Bitch Pudding is right outside, snapping pictures of the two together.
Bitch Pudding: Oh, THIS is definetly interesting... And kinda confusing, I could've swore Ken was gay. Oops.
=== Jewelry Store - Evening ===
Kylah, Amanita and Raquelle are right outside the store, masked.
--As the three of us were standing outside the jewelry store, we were waiting for Eleanor who was on the other line of my walkie-talkie, to signal for us to get inside the store.
Amanita: I can't believe Eleanor gave us these stupid ass costumes for the jewelry heist... We are supposed to be thieves, not Jar Jar Binks' evil spawns of hell.
Eleanor (OFF): Shut the fuck up you cunt.
Kylah: Can we like enter the store now?
Eleanor (OFF): Bitch what part of "wait for my signal" do you not understand?!
Amanita: UGH! I'm bored.
Raquelle: Let's play a game.
Kylah: Let's play I Spy!
Amanita: Ok I'll go first, I spy with my eye a jewelry store that we were asked to steal from but this bULLSHIT IS TAKING SO LONG!
Kylah: Is it a tree?
Amanita: Oh my god shut up...
Eleanor (OFF): Ok the coast is clear, do not dissappoint me you hags
The three sneakily enter the store.
--As we entered the store, the truth set in on us... It was now or never. The moment of truth. This was life-risking. I didn't want to go back to jail! I was going to slay this jewelry heist, for sure! After all, what could go wrong?--
As soon as they step in the store, Kylah triggers the alarms.
Amanita: YOU DUMB FUCKING CUNT!
Amanita pushes Kylah as she triggers lasers. Kylah panics and tries leaving the store but one of the lasers ends up decapitating her, and she falls to the ground, her severed head rolling to Raquelle's feet.
Raquelle: WHAT THE FUCK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH
Amanita: Whatever bitches, I'm out!
Amanita runs out of the store.
Raquelle: These bitches deadass left me alone!
Eleanor (OFF): We should've seen this coming honestly...
Eleanor (OFF): Well you still have to complete your task. We're gonna go there to rescue you with our Gucci ass helicopter, don't worry.
Raquelle: Are you fucking serious right now oH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD fine
Raquelle grabs all the piece of jewelry she can as the police shows up.
Griselda: Well look who it is! Local drag superstar Raquelle Brunhilde!
Raquelle: I thought you died what the fuck
Griselda: Legends never die you stuPID BITCH
Griselda picks up the broken glass from Kylah's skull and runs to Raquelle, full speed, but Raquelle runs out of the way and Griselda hits a window and cracks her head open.
Raquelle: Well she WAS right about something... Legends never die. Oops.
Multiple police officers start entering the store but it's too late, the entire store has been cleared and the only thing found were Kylah and Griselda's corpses.
Meanwhile, a helicopter lands on the roof with Eleanor, Yasmin, MDOSIEW and Oreo on board. Raquelle enters the roof and gets on the helicopter and fly away in the helicopter. Bitch Pudding shows up and tries to shoot down the helicopter but is unsuccessful.
=== Adrien's House - Evening ===
Adrien is having dinner alone as his father sits next to him.
Adrien: Dad? What are you doing?
Gabriel: Ok I'm going to be completely honest... You've been acting a lot differently these last few months... So I figured maybe if we spent a night together, you'd feel better?
Adrien: Huh?
Gabriel: Nathalie got you and me tickets for the circus... Wanna go?
Nathalie: Those tickets were for me and my-
Gabriel: Nathalie if one more word comes out of your mouth I will have you fired.
Nathalie shuts up and goes back to her desk.
Gabriel: So do you wanna go?
Adrien: Of course!
Suddenly Adrien gets a call from Bitch Pudding.
Gabriel: ...That is unless you have better things to do.
Adrien: No! Not at all.
Gabriel: Ok... Get dressed.
Adrien excitedly runs to his room and changes clothes, as he hears shotguns firing off outside and gets texts from Bitch Pudding. Adrien ignores them and leaves the room.
=== Ryan's House - Epilogue ===
Kirumi Tojo is cleaning the room while Ryan is jacking off to her.
--Kirumi, who now worked for Ryan, was just cleaning a room in that infamous night...--
Kirumi turns around and sees Ryan jacking off to her.
Kirumi: Bitch if I see your 1.5 inch cock again I will leave.
Ryan: Aw you're no fun!
Kirumi: I'm going to go clean the bedroom.
Kirumi goes to the bedroom to clean, when suddenly she hears glass shattering.
Kirumi: Did that fucker really just break another bottle... I'm quitting.
Kirumi goes back to the room and sees Ryan lying on the floor, with his throat slit by a shattered piece of glass. A message written in Ryan's blood is on the wall, reading "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID KIRUMI". 
Kirumi: (SCREAMS)
Kirumi turns around and sees someone familliar in front of her.
Kirumi: YOU! How could you-
The unknown person grabs the fire extinguisher and hits Kirumi with it, leaving her unconscious.
End of Episode 2.Category:Episodes of "Life Is Not Jailbreak"
Category:"Hunger Games" spin-off