The Walls Beckoning

Everything’s fine. I’m normal. That’s what the wall said anyways. I can’t really be sure of that anymore, but I’m going to believe it. There’s a phonograph in the room, I think. It’s playing some classical piece I can’t understand, because it doesn’t have words. But it’s too fast for me, and it’s on repeat. It keeps skipping to the last few bars over and over again. But the static is going on anyways, it doesn't want to stop.
It keeps repeating to louder and louder and LOUDER AND IT WON’T FUCKING STOP. But now it’s gone. It’s replaced by the music again. I have a lightbulb in my hand, and it’s illuminating the wall. The wall is illuminated. And it has words on it, like “sick” and “disgusting.” I read those words aloud to myself, and they feel like knives jabbing into my head, like tiny knives and when I read them the static gets louder. But then when I read the wall again, it says “Everything’s fine.” And then the static goes away but I still feel like I’m bleeding. Then I turn around and it’s black, because the light is only illuminating the wall. And I want to get up to see what’s in the dark, but I’m afraid to leave my wall. And the phonograph keeps playing. But I know I’ll have to get up. The words are killing me. When I reach out, the light, it only goes so far, and there’s nothing there. So I get up, and start walking. And I’m just walking and walking, and crawling and crying and walking. And the floor under me feels like nothing is there but I know it is. And the walls go away. It’s only the floor now, but the wall is still there, behind me. I know it’ll be there if I go back to it.
But the phonograph stopped, and it started playing another song. It didn't play that classical piece that I don’t know anymore. It played a Beethoven Piece. And it was clear. And the light’s getting brighter. But I’m still afraid that I’ll find something on the floor that I don’t want to find. So I keep walking, and the wall is still behind me. But I feel in my guts that I’m close to the end now. And the lightbulb I’m holding kept getting brighter. And I saw walls around me, on two sides, but no walls in front of me. I see my shadow, and it was walking with me. So I held the lightbulb in front of me, that way my shadow will be behind me. Then, I started running. I knew I was close. I saw the door ahead of me. I reached out my hand to grab it, but the door was getting further away. I felt the wall coming closer to me again. I had to get away from it. I didn't want to go back to the wall again. I started running. I grabbed the door handle. I opened the door. I got out of there. The wall was gone. It was gone and I was free from it. Free from the wall. I was out of there. I was walking, free. It was gone. And then I woke up. And I tell myself. Everything’s fine... I’m normal... that’s what the wall said anyways...
Category:Mental Illness