Let the Games Begin/Transcript

Setting: SpongeBob's Living Room
SpongeBob: [Pulls nose hair] Two hundred, forty-seven. [Pulls another nose hair] Two hundred, forty-eight.
Camera Man: [Clears throat]
SpongeBob: Wait? Are we rolling?
Camera Man: [Shakes head yes]
SpongeBob: Awkward...
[Opening Theme]
Setting: SpongeBob's Backyard
SpongeBob: Hi, I'm SpongeBob SquarePants, and this is my all new reality series, SpongeBob SquarePants: The Reality Show!
Squidward: Wow. I bet it took hours to come up with that name. [Sarcastically]
SpongeBob: Really? It only took a couple of minutes.
Squidward: Were you dropped on your head when you were a guppy?
SpongeBob: How did you know?
Squidward: Lucky guess.
SpongeBob: Where was I? Oh, right. [Clears throat] Hi, I'm SpongeBob SquarePants, and this is my all new reality series-
Squidward: Haven't we already gone over this?
SpongeBob: Shh! Squidward, you made me lose my place! [Clears throat... again] Hi, I'm SpongeBob SquarePants, and this is my all new reality series, SpongeBob SquarePants: The Reality Show! Let's meet the contestants! [Walks over to Mr. Krabs] So Eugene, what inspired you to join us in this once in a lifetime opportunity today?
Mr. Krabs: Money!
SpongeBob: I... see. [Walks over to Patrick] So Patrick, what brought you here today?
Patrick: Where am I?
SpongeBob: [Laughs suspiciously] You always were quite the joker, Patrick. [Walks over to Squilliam] So Squilliam, what do you plan on doing in order to win today's competition?
Squilliam: You better make this quick SquarePants! I've got places to be!
SpongeBob: [Laughs vigorously] Oh, you won't be going anywhere for a long time! [Laughs even harder]
[Everyone looks confused]
Man Ray: You can't just keep us captive here... it's... it's... evil! I love it!
Mermaid Man: Evil!
SpongeBob: Oh, yes I can.
Barnacle Boy: And just how do you plan on doing that?
SpongeBob: It's in your contract.
Plankton: Contract? What contract?
SpongeBob: This one. [Pulls contract out of his pocket]
Plankton: Oh, that contract.
Pearl: He told me it was a raffle ticket for a free trip to the beauty salon!
Mr. Krabs: That's my girl!
Karen: He told me it was for a software update!
Flying Dutchman: Step aside, and leave it to the master. [Disintegrates contract]
[Everyone cheers]
SpongeBob: Not so fast! A true genius always brings a backup contract! [Pulls backup contract out of his pocket)
Flying Dutchman: [Disintegrates backup contract]
SpongeBob: And a backup backup contract! [Pulls backup backup contract out of his pocket]
Flying Dutchman: [Disintegrates backup backup contract]
SpongeBob: And a backup backup backup contract! [Pulls backup backup backup contract out of his pocket]
Mrs. Puff: Enough!
Sandy: Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves! Everyone stay calm and let the sponge finish talking.
SpongeBob: Thank you Sandy. Now that I have your attention let me explain how the show is going to work. I have divided all of you into two teams of seven: The Krabby Patties and The Jellyfish. Every week a contest will be held between the two teams. The losing team must eliminate one participant, but you don't decide who that contestant is, the viewers at home do. The final participant left will win a grand prize of... one million dollars!
Larry the Lobster: Imagine what you could buy with that kind of money! I'm in!
SpongeBob: Before we announce the teams let me introduce you to my co-host, Gary.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: And my test dummy, Fred.
Fred: May I ask you a question?
SpongeBob: No, we will not be paying for your medical bills.
Fred: Tartar sauce!
Scooter: What about me? I'd be a great test dummy! I died like seven seasons ago, and I'm in perfect condition!
SpongeBob: Oh yeah, and that guy over there. What's your name again?
Scooter: Scooter.
SpongeBob: It is now time to divide you into teams. First up The Krabby Patties. Barnacle Boy, Mr. Krabs, Karen, Man Ray, Pearl, Plankton, and Sandy. Next up, The Jellyfish. Flying Dutchman, Larry the Lobster, Mermaid Man, Mrs. Puff, Patrick, Squidward, and Squilliam.
Squidward: What!? Why am I on the same team as Squilliam!?
SpongeBob: I thought it would make the competition a little juicy.
Squidward: Juicy!?
SpongeBob: Yes Squidward, juicy. J-U-I-C-Y, juicy.
Squidward: That's not what I meant you barnacle brain!
Larry the Lobster: Sorry to interupt, but what's the first competition?
SpongeBob:Good question Larry! The first competition is a scavenger hunt.
[Everyone looks releived]
SpongeBob: In which you will have to make life threatning decisions.
[Everyone gasps]
Mrs. Puff: We're risking our lives for money?
Mr. Krabs: Not just money! We're talking about one million smackaroos!
SpongeBob: Everyone calm down. The possibilities of not coming back from this competition are just twenty-five in one-hundred. Anyway, each team will be given one clue that will lead them to the next part of the scavenger hunt. The first team to complete the scavenger hunt will be granted invincibility from tonights elimination ceremony.
Flying Dutchman: When do we start?
SpongeBob: Don't you mean, when do we start?
Flying Dutchman: That's what I just said.
SpongeBob: I'm sure you did. [Sarcasticlly]
Flying Dutchman: Grr!
SpongeBob: If you all just calm down I'll give you your first clue.
[Everyone listens closely]
SpongeBob: Your first clue is, "What creature has four legs, but never walks on them?"
Squilliam: I know the answer!
Barnacle Boy: Well spit it out!
Squilliam: The answer is a Jellyfish! Wait a minute! Are you even on our team?
Barnacle Boy: Nope. [Reports back to his team with the answer]
Squilliam: Hey! Get back here! [Both teams race to Jellyfish Fields]
Setting: Jellyfish Fields
Patrick: [Catches Jellyfish] I got one!
Squidward: Well whats the next clue?
Patrick: Oh, you mean that peice of paper?
Squidward: Yes! What happened to it?
Patrick: Oh, that silly old thing. I ate it.
Squidward: You what!?
Patrick: Don't get your tidey whities in a twist. It'll be out in a couple hours.
Gary: Meow?
Man Ray: [Catches Jellyfish] I got one!
Plankton: Yeah, yeah, good for you. Read the next clue!
Man Ray: What's the magic word?
Plankton: [Sighs] Please.
Sandy: Well, what's it say?
Man Ray: It says, "The contestant holding this clue must spend 30 seconds inside a Jellyfish hive, where you will find your next clue." Piece of cake.
French Narrator: 30 seconds later...
Man Ray: I want my mommy! [Exits the hive in fear]
Sandy: Did you get the next clue?
Man Ray: Clue? What clue?
Sandy: The one you were supposed to get while you were in the hive.
Man Ray: I'll be right back.
French Narrator: Another 30 seconds later...
Sandy: Did you get it this time?
Man Ray: It's not like I would forget it again.
Sandy: Where is it then?
Man Ray: Hold on another 30 seconds.
French Narrator: Yet another 30 seconds later...
Man Ray: Yes, I remembered it this time! It says, "What do you wear on your hand that is bigger than a galaxy?"
Pearl: That doesn't make any sense!
Karen: Or maybe it does! You wear a glove on your hand, and a universe is bigger than a galaxy! The answer is Glove Universe!
Setting: Glove Universe
Pearl: What now?
Fred: [Falls from the sky] Here's your next clue. (Hands paper to Sandy)
Sandy: "The contestant standing to the left of the person holding this clue must ride the Glove Drop, where you will find your next clue."
Man Ray: [Observes that he is standing to the left of Sandy] Not again! [Rides the Glove Drop]
Sandy: Did you get the next clue?
Man Ray: Yes, I got your precious clue! It says, "Where do you go to swim in something slimey?"
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
Sandy: Wait a minute! You swim in a lagoon, and goo is slimey, so the answer is Goo Lagoon!
Setting: Goo Lagoon
Mr. Krabs: Where's the next clue?
Scooter: Right here man! [Hands Mr. Krabs a paper]
Mr. Krabs: It says, "Congratulations for being the first team to complete the scavenger hunt! You and your team have won invincibility from tonights elimination ceremony. Report to SpongeBob's backyard immediately
to except your reward.'"
Setting: SpongeBob's Backyard
SpongeBob: Congratulations to the Krabby Patties for winning todays competition! It appears that the Jellyfish are still trying to get there next clue.
Setting: Jellyfish Fields
Larry the Lobster: You can do it Patrick!
Patrick: [Strains] I'm trying!
Setting: SpongeBobs Backyard
SpongeBob: The results are in, and the first contestant to be eliminated from SpongeBob SquarePants: The Reality Show is... Squilliam!
Squilliam: What!? This isn't fair! I'm better than every single one of you! This is an outrage!
SpongeBob: Fred?
Fred: [Grabs Squilliam by the arm, and drags him away]
Squilliam: I'll be back!
SpongeBob: What's his problem?
The End
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