Novocaine, Bond and Bocce/Transcript

This is the transcript for Novocaine, Bond and Bocce, which aired on November 11, 2021.
==Transcript==
1 Previously on B Positive I just wish that, you know, I could find a guy who who gets me.
Accepts me for me.
You'll find that guy.
Will I? Absolutely.
And he'll appreciate how amazing you are, and how much happiness you bring to other people.
- Drew? - Yeah.
I think I found that guy.
Mmm.
Mmm.
This is a bad idea.
- Why? - Because you've had a lot to drink.
I disagree to agree.
I have had exactly the right amount.
The truth is I love you, Gina.
Gina? You still there? Perfect.
[SIGHS.]
Good morning.
Is it? You kind of look like my daughter right before she went into rehab.
How kind of you to say.
Back in the day, I had a perfect hangover cure.
Oh, God.
Tell me.
Cocaine.
Thank you.
Mmm.
This looks good.
Look at that bacon.
Every day, I ask for soft.
Every day, I get crispy.
Don't tell me.
Tell her.
You know, every day, I I heard you! I will talk to the chef.
How can you call a person a chef when they can't cook bacon? May I join you? Please.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
What? You feel as bad as you look? Worse.
"Wine comes in at the mouth, love comes in at the eye.
"That's all we shall know for truth, before we grow old and die.
" [LAUGHS.]
William Butler Yeats.
Did he write one about dry heaves on the way to work? Charming.
- Ow! Damn it! - Uh, are you okay? I think I cracked a tooth.
I bet you'd like soft bacon now.
- The more you give - The more you give - The more you live - The more you live Your happiness is relative And if you're feeling like crap It's time to face the fact It's your prerogative Your prerogative To be positive Thanks for squeezing me in, Jer.
'Course.
Uh, when was the last time you saw a dentist? Uh, I don't remember exactly, but when it was over, I got a yo-yo and a lollipop.
Lorraine, clear my morning! This is a pretty swanky office.
- You must be doing pretty well.
- Oh, I do all right.
Between you and me, most of the East Coast rappers come to me for their grill work.
- No way.
- Yeah.
You want a little bling-bling in your upper incisors, I'm your man.
All right, let's have a look.
Here we go.
[SIGHS.]
Ah.
Uh-huh.
Wider.
Yeah, we got a Humpty-Dumpty.
[MUFFLED.]
: What that? Not even Funk Jerry P can put this tooth back together again.
You're gonna need a crown.
Ugh.
Man! Don't worry.
I'm really good at what I do.
Just ask Cardi B.
You know Cardi B? "Got a bag and fixed my teeth.
Hope you hoes know that ain't cheap.
" That's about me.
- No! - Yeah! I did her caps, I did her veneers, the whole deal.
She even gave me a special thanks on her album.
Okrrr.
Let's do this.
Little bit for my homies.
Question.
For a colonoscopy, do I need to update my advance directive? You know, if I want 'em to pull the plug? [SCOFFS.]
If you can't survive a colonoscopy, maybe the plug is already pulled.
My worst nightmare Lying in a vegetative state, my body wasting away.
What's wrong with me that that image makes me horny? Can we finish up the game? My granddaughter's coming to take me to lunch.
Oh, she's wonderful.
I follow her on Instagram.
Ask her where she gets her yoga pants.
Sure, that's what you need, tighter clothes.
I agree.
I want to see her before she goes back to college.
Wait, didn't she graduate last year? What? Your granddaughter.
You showed us pictures of her at her graduation.
I-I-I meant [GRUNTS.]
before she starts her new job.
[CHUCKLES.]
Can we just finish up the damn game? Sorry.
- Lululemon.
- What? His granddaughter's yoga pants.
I vote you get pink.
Okay, you should be feeling the gas by now.
No, you should be feeling the gas by now.
Okay, that's enough.
[LAUGHS.]
All right, now let's do the novocaine.
Do the novocaine.
Open up.
All right.
This shouldn't hurt.
Maybe just a little pinch.
- Mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.
[GROANS.]
All right.
There you go.
Now, in a few minutes, you should be numb enough to Oh, poop.
[BODY THUDS.]
[LAUGHING.]
Jerry go boom.
- Hey.
What happened? - Hey.
[SLURRING.]
: I don't know.
He just co-wapsed.
Why are you talking like that? Novocaine.
I cracked a tooth.
How is he? I don't know.
I'll try to get an update.
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
So, uh, what happened? He just collapsed in his dentist office.
- Why are you talking like that? - Oh, novocaine.
I cracked a tooth.
- How'd that happen? - Crispy bacon.
[SIGHS.]
[SMACKS LIPS.]
[EXHALES.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Drew, listen, about last night Oh, why don't we talk about it later? No, no, now.
[STAMMERS.]
I had too much to drink.
I'm so sorry.
These things happen.
It's no big deal.
Yeah, but kissing you was compwetely inappropriate.
I wouldn't say "compwetely.
" I would never want our friendship to be compromised.
Me, either.
Okay? You're drooling a little.
How is he? Oh, we don't know.
Gideon went to go get a prognosis.
Why you talking like that? Ugh, please tell him.
She "cwacked a toof.
" Ah.
Did you know Jerry knows Cardi B? - What? - The rapper.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Hi, guys.
Aw.
How you doing, man? I'm all right.
I feel stupid.
Fainting.
What do my homies think? - Your homies? - I'll tell you later.
Your chart says you have atrial fibrillation.
That's none of your business.
Jerry, that's serious.
A lot of people have an irregular heartbeat.
As soon as I get my meds figured out, it won't happen again.
Wait, this isn't the first time? - It's no big deal.
- GINA: That's ridiculous.
What if you pass out while you're driving or you're drilling my tooth? GIDEON: You could have a stroke and hit your head and hemorrhage.
Not to mention, you are in kidney failure.
Yeah, man, you really shouldn't be living alone.
Oh, my God.
Wightbuwb! Come wiv at Vawwey Hills till you're better.
What? Oh, she said, "Oh, my God.
Lightbulb.
Come live at Valley Hills till you're better.
" Thank you.
I'm not living in an old folks' home.
I'm only 56.
Uh, your chart says you're I'm 56.
I'm too young for shuffleboard and bingo.
What harm would it do to at least go check it out? Yeah, maybe we have dinner there tomorrow, and you can see for yourself.
I promise you won't regret it.
We have a very vibrant, active community.
Fine.
What time's dinner? 4:00.
- Hello, Harry.
- [GRUNTS.]
Meredith, we haven't officially met yet.
I'm Drew.
Nice to meet you.
How'd your dinner go with Gina? You told her? We're together all day long, you run out of things to talk about.
Well, the date didn't go exactly how I'd hoped.
You should be used to that by now.
What happened? Before I could tell her how I feel, we ran into her ex-boyfriend.
The broke football player? I told you that in confidence.
Bad move.
Anyway, uh, he was on a date, she got upset, got very drunk, kissed me, passed out, and then told me it was a mistake.
Is that in confidence? 'Cause that's pretty juicy.
MEREDITH: Hang on.
If she kissed you, that means something.
Yeah, it means I'm a mistake, as was sharing my feelings with you.
Again, your fault.
"Naomi's Chicken Parmesan.
" Who's Naomi? One of our residents.
That was her favorite.
- Was? - Massive stroke, not the chicken.
Um, just so you know, all the meals are included.
It's like being on a cruise ship, but with fewer STDs.
Well So, uh How was the tour? What do you think? It-It's all very nice.
It's just not for me.
W-Well, did you show him the game room? Do you like Kiss? Do you like pinball? Because you're gonna love them together.
Could we just have a nice dinner and just forget the whole idea? - Sure.
- Okay.
[GROANS.]
Ow! Cold, cold, cold.
Oh, yeah, until we get that tooth fixed, you're gonna have to avoid cold liquids.
- Okay.
- Also hot liquids.
So liquids.
You do realize your insurance will cover living here? And remember, it's just temporary.
Come on, guys.
Can we just leave it alone? - Okay.
- Enjoy your dinner.
Make sure you leave room for dessert.
- Okay.
- You can work it off in our fitness center, then freshen up in a sit-down tub or a walk-in shower.
Okay, that's it.
I'm out of here.
- Jerry.
- I'm so sorry.
Oh, poop again.
- Oh, my God! Jerry! - Call 911! Welcome to movie night, everyone.
Tonight, we're featuring a classic James Bond film.
Who's playing 007? Better be Connery, the only real Bond.
Yeah, no Pierce Brosnan, Mr.
Fancy Pants.
I loved Pierce Brosnan.
Of course you did.
Oh, I remember in Dr.
No, when Ursula Andress came out of the ocean in that white bikini.
I switched teams for a whole year.
Let's watch that one.
I saw Roger Moore in an airport once.
- He ate three Cinnabons.
- It wasn't Roger Moore.
Don't tell me who it was.
I'm telling you who it wasn't.
Did you know that James Bond was created by Ian Fleming, who also wrote Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? After I saw that film, I named my cats Chitty Chitty and Bang Bang.
[LAUGHS.]
One, two, three, eyes on me.
Before we start, I'd like to introduce our newest resident - You don't have to do that.
- Dr.
Jerry Platt.
- Ooh, a doctor.
- I'm a dentist.
Oh.
And I'm not really a resident.
I'm just here temporarily.
I've heard that before.
I've said that before.
I'm only in my 50s.
You've lived hard.
I like that.
All right, everyone, it's showtime.
Unwrap your hard candies now.
[CANDY WRAPPERS CRINKLING.]
You want one? No, I'll just have to take a whiz halfway through it.
That's gonna happen anyway.
True.
Hey, why aren't you at movie night? Because everybody else is.
And that right there is why you're my favorite bitter old woman.
So you know, I'm getting the hip surgery.
Norma, that is great.
What changed your mind? Besides your constant nagging? You're welcome.
Well, I was talking to Meredith, and I realized how lucky I am.
I have a problem that can be fixed.
This is the right decision, and I'm-a be with you every step of the way.
Thank you.
And if you want to tell the doctor he could do a little nip tuck while I'm under, I'm not opposed.
Got it.
I'll see you tomorrow.
So, Gina Is Drew a good kisser? You take the safety bars out of the showers, this place is just a high school.
Who told you? Well, Drew told Harry, Harry told Meredith, she told Bette, and Bette put it on her blog.
[GROANS.]
So, how was the kiss? I'm guessing desperate but gentle.
Well, it it was a mistake I think? - Oh, I know it was a mistake.
- Why? Because of the mustache? I bet you I can get him to shave.
No, it's not that.
Though, he certainly could lose that dead caterpillar.
- You just broke up with Eli.
- So? Honey, in the five years I've known you, you've never been single for more than five minutes.
Well, I can't help it if I'm in demand.
Gina, there've been so many huge changes in your life.
Take a step back.
Hold off dating for a while.
Figure out who you are, what you want.
You mean be alone? I don't know.
Think of it as dating yourself.
Well at least I know the sex will be good.
Could somebody turn it up? Turn up your hearing aid.
I don't have a hearing aid.
Then get one.
I hope this is the one where he punches a shark in the face.
I hope it's the one with Jill St.
John.
You're a switch hitter.
I love it.
[GADGETS WHIRRING ON SCREEN.]
Oh, a watch with a small circular saw built in.
I wonder if that'll come in handy.
[LAUGHTER.]
Look, the kid's got jokes.
- Kid? I like that.
- You want a beer? I'm not supposed to drink on my meds.
Join the club.
I guess we're bonding, [BRITISH ACCENT.]
: James Bond-ing.
- Give it back.
- Aw.
Come on.
There you go.
You want to play bocce with us tomorrow? Uh, you'll have to teach me the rules.
Oh, you just roll one ball into another ball whilst getting drunk.
Lesson over.
Psst.
Did you know that James Bond was created by Ian Fleming, who also wrote Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? Yeah.
You already said that.
Oh.
I-I-I thought you didn't hear me.
You're-you're doing that a lot lately.
Doing what? Never mind.
[CARS HONKING AND SCREECHING ON SCREEN.]
[GUNFIRE ON SCREEN.]
- Where are you going? - I-I-I'm-I'm tired.
[SNORING SOFTLY.]
What? Yeah, I'm watching.
[SNORING RESUMES.]
[PEN CAP CLATTERS.]
- Hi.
- Hi.
Thanks for letting me stop by.
I just need a minute.
Everything okay? Well [SIGHS.]
I'm not sure.
Tell me.
Okay.
Um Here's the thing.
- The other night, when - I kissed you I know.
You told me it was "compwetely inapwopwiate.
" [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
No.
No.
That's not it.
It's just My whole life, I've I've never really been alone.
I was married for 12 years, and I was alone a lot.
- Please let me finish.
- Sorry.
I just don't know how to exist without having a man in my life, and I really don't know who I am without a man in my life.
And you need some time to figure that out? Yeah.
Like a week, or? We'll see.
Okay.
Well, for what it's worth, I think you're being real smart about this.
Thanks.
Well, you're here.
You want to make out? [LAUGHS.]
Aw.
Thanks, but no.
Okay, good night.
Night.
[CELL PHONE RINGING.]
Gina? Hey, um, there was one more thing I wanted to ask.
Yeah? Do you know a good dentist? All right, you're up, kid.
You see that? That's youth.
Bends over, doesn't even grunt.
Somebody does yoga, huh? Well, for a big man, I've always been quite flexible.
Big? Is that "woke" for fat? Careful.
I'll get you canceled.
- Just throw the ball.
- All right.
- SPENCER: Whoa.
- [HARRY LAUGHS.]
- All right.
- That's my teammate right there.
Tomorrow, you're on my side.
Oh, to heck with that, I want him on my team.
He's mine until I say otherwise.
Gentlemen, there's enough of me to go around.
Yeah, 'cause you're "big.
" [LAUGHS.]
Watch it, boomer.
[ALL LAUGHING.]
The new guy gets the balls.
[LAUGHS.]
Sure.
Category:Episode Transcripts
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