2013-02-26 Second Guessing

Grey skies, but at least it's not snowing. If anything, the warmer weather is beginning to push through. Warmer as in.. over the freezing mark. The wind is down, and it's one of those days where if any activity happens, it's quite likely that a jacket or two will be shed.
The little harbingers of spring are arriving, the robins.. and with the first appearance of one of those red-breasted birds comes the slightly more animated blue-fuzzy elf to the boat that has sat in drydock all winter.
Kurt is on the deck of the boat, checking the lines on the mast, climbing the mast itself for any sign of decay- but the boat //is// new. Shouldn't be, though the lines are a little stiff. Pulling on a couple of the pulleys, he pushes out and swings around, letting himself drop down the several feet onto the deck, rope still in hand.
Not a bad way to test the tension in the lines, as far as Kurt is concerned!
It isn't the beginning of a seasonal shift which leaves Domino starting her day with the feeling that something isn't right. It's a conversation which she had just the other day that's more to blame, as well as the actions and subsequent consequences that have affected not only herself but a large chunk of the residents of the Institute.
It's what brings her out here in the morning chill, coat collar turned upward as she hunches into the heavy leather folds. It seems like a twisted sense of irony that the only person she feels she can talk to about this sort of thing is the same person that had tried for weeks to get through to her, only to get shot down at every occasion. Why is it that now she's suddenly wanting to talk?
Inside, she knows exactly why. It's all another calculated plan. Everything for a reason. Once again, your involvement is key.
There's no fanfare, no 'avast, matey!' as she approaches. She knows you're on the boat. A moment later, so is she. Still nothing is said, standing there like a silent shadow as she waits for you to notice her. Given what she knows of you, it won't take long.
For any that know Kurt and his methods, it's no real big surprise that he's aboard the ship. Even out of the water, there's a comfort in it. That time when all is right with the world. When it's not, to come to the lake and keep busy with all the little things? Well, all becomes right with the world once again.
Testing those lines.. and he's up on the mast again, making sure the lines are wrapped correctly. From his vantage point, Kurt can watch the approach.. and the silent coming aboard.
Now, the 'normal' Kurt would *bamf* down from his perch, to land directly in front of you. This one, however.. takes the opportunity to leap towards the bottom spar, swing around like it was part of a balance beam, and push off with his feet until he lands.. directly in front of you.
"Leibchen?"
"So the rumors are true," Domino quietly observes as you take the 'slow' way down to meet her. Normally she might take it as a sign of luck that there's a timely distraction to work with, though today it only adds additional weight to her heavy thoughts.
"What's going on, Blue? Shift's been all out of sorts since we got back, now I hear that your own powers are on the fritz." It's only by sheer ..well, yeah, that Dom's power came back as quickly as it had. There always were ways to bring it out of her, taking bigger risks and throwing herself headlong into greater dangers. If not for that particular trick she could well be in the same situation as both you and Kwabena seem to be stuck in.
"Have you been checked over by the doc yet?"
"When the others," and Kurt nods in gesture to you as well, "regained their abilities, mine did not return. Why, I do not know. It could be because of what was used to dampen them, it could have been something in what was given us in the time we were held.." He sounds.. tired. That 'worn out' when something lies so heavily for so long, it's a struggle getting back to where one should be.. though he's trying.
"So.. I am seeing if it comes back on its own. But, I mustn't neglect everything else for that one." Like, Shift. The students. His faith.
"Ja.. und as far as the doctors are concerned, there should be nothing wrong with me."
There's a smile that creeps to his face, and he looks to the deck of the ship before looking up, yellow eyes studying her face for a hint. "Did you really come out to check on me? I am flattered."
Ah..hmm. Dom dips her head forward, letting her attention wander off toward the untouched patches of snow surrounding the boat. "It's not quite as straightforward as that."
But, now she has something else to focus on. Something to take her away from her own thoughts.
"Listen..nothing against the folks that run the med area around here, they're quite good. But, sometimes it can't hurt to have a second opinion. I know a guy, his methods may be slightly unorthodox but he's very good at his trade. Might be able to see things from a different angle. If you'd like, I could get you in for a visit. Maybe Shift, too." If he's even up for such a trip.
"Say the word and I'll make the call."
Kurt chuffs a short breath and stalks away towards the main mast again, coiling the rope into it's small pile. He'd messed it up, and putting everything back keeps him busy. "So it is, 'yes' und 'no'.." he murmurs.
Though, greeted with a possible 'cure', he turns about, his expression hopeful. "Ja?" Well, not so much 'cure', but.. "If they can not do something for me here, is he that good?" Or will he end up on another table? He's not exactly like other mutants, even if others may have more exciting gifts. "You will understand, leibchen, if I tell you I would be a little apprehensive as well as hopeful."
Domino may keep herself closed off most of the time. She may keep everyone at a distance, too. (Especially you after recent discussions.) She still can't handle seeing people whom she considers companions to be robbed of their gifts. Same as in her own situation, they're a part of what makes everyone here both different and the same as the other. It's a part of the core being. To have to live without it, it's not an easy thing.
It's because of this that she comes clean about yet one more detail. "The first night that the third team came back from Limbo, when I took off overnight. I went to see him. He caught a few things that had been overlooked. Master with a needle and thread, though I doubt that'll help much in your case. He's a good guy. We can trust him."
And she could end up owing him a favor or two for the patient referral. It wouldn't be the first time she placed herself into such debt.
"You've got nothing to lose, Blue. Take the offer."
"I was quite worried when you had. You were in no shape, leibchen." A statement of fact, and something the elf had said before. "But," now, it's a matter of keeping moving, and he leaps straight up to perch on the spar. "this is no 'needle und thread'. Sadly, und I know that it is something for which I must confess later, I have even considered seeking out Magneto in the hopes that perhaps there is something there." A hint about his particular ability. "I would be yelled at by Logan, however.. und that's not to mention Scott." Or the Professor himself.
Canting his head to the side, Kurt takes that opportunity to look at Domino again, and he pauses before, "Was this why you searched for me?" comes softly. "Danke." He takes a deep breath and exhales it slowly, nodding, "If you trust him, leibchen, it is enough for me."
The surprise that passes over Dom doesn't need to be faked in the slightest, "You'd risk going to see--no. Just..no. I'd sooner knock you out and throw you into the trunk than let you seek out his help. I've seen enough of that guy to know he's bad news, and you've hardly exhausted all of your other, more rational, options."
She's already fishing the Bluetooth earbud out of a pocket and fitting it to her ear when your next question lands. "Yeah, I--" Frig. It had been -part- of why she came out here, sure. Not the only reason, though. On the other hand, now she's got the window she had been looking for. A chance to have a talk with you, away from Xavier grounds. Away from teleporters, people that can turn invisible, people with acute hearing... Maybe if she's focused on the drive she'll actually come out and say what has to be said, too.
"I'll make the call. We should be able to see him today."
When one reaches desperation? All things are considered. "I had, leibchen. You have now given me an option that I didn't have before." Kurt looks up the mast with an appraising eye as she sets her earbud in for her phone. It's all done there, and now, flipping around the spar, he lands on his feet closer to the hatch that reveals the engines. Of course there'd be an engine or two, should there be no wind for the sails to pick up!
His head comes around to look at her again, and as far as he's concerned, that //is// the reason she'd come as she makes ready to contact him. Looking away again, he nods and murmurs from his new position, "Danke.. shoen." Now, pulling at the trap, he calls over his shoulder, "Where is- what? We?" Shaking his head, he rises fully again, "It isn't necessary you come, leibchen. I don't need--" Want, different story.
Dom stops short of placing the call, leaning against part of the boat as she looks back to you. "Yeah. 'We.' That's not a problem, is it? Look, I know where the guy's hiding and I've already shown you the bullet wound in my chest, I'm -sure- you can handle kicking back for a short drive then letting me have a drink or two while he checks you over. It's not like he's going to run you through a complete physical in front of me."
And if he did it would probably bother you more than it would her.
"Now is there any additional sense that I have to talk into you before I make this call?" she asks with an expectant stare. Things are so much easier when she has a clearly defined objective to complete.
"If he can not help, I don't know if you would like to see me handle my disappointment." Kurt flicks his tail as if to underscore his words, yellow eyes studying you. "I am quite capable of throwing a tantrum or two." Of course, the chances would be good that he'd be easily shot down, too. But, even without his ability to teleport, he's quick.. but not uncatchable.
Now, Kurt offers that slow smile as he pushes all that stuff into the back of his head. "I won't ask you to hold my hand.. I promise."
Later on, that same day... (Cue ominous music.)
Dom would have insisted on driving even if your teleport trick still worked as normal. The time away from the rest of the world has become something of a requirement for her. The black M3 that she drives has nearly cleared Westchester before she even attempts to get her head on straight, hands taking a rock-firm hold upon the wheel and the stick shift as she goes through the motions and gets out toward the highway.
"I'm going to be the biggest hypocrite of the year for a moment."
Good start, Domino.
"Xavier and I don't see things on the same level. I know about his dream, why he built the school, why he formed the X-Kids. His heart's in the right place. There's a problem with the team leader, though. It's one thing to recruit soldiers to handle the fighting, going after Trask and the Sentinel project. Has Scott ever stopped to think about what he did back there?"
"Xavier taught everyone to handle things without resorting to killing. Maybe half of the team stand by that rule. To that effect, I'm bad for the team. I'm part of the problem. But the Institute is a -school,- there's kids living there that already had messed up lives and enough violence to last them from here to the rest of eternity. Why were -they- part of the fight, Kurt? 'Peace between humans and mutants,' 'a safe haven for us all,' why are we throwing -kids- into war then having the nerve to get pissed off when they get hurt?"
"I'm a damned mercenary and -I- think there's too much murder happening with the team. I didn't sign up to put a bunch of kids under the crosshairs."
Kurt.. is German, and drives like a German. Still, he's fine with you driving. He's quiet, settled into the passenger side, grateful for the tinting on his window, even though he looks out at the world as it passes. It's a trip he's taken many times on this same road, and still he looks out. So very different from the mountains of home.
Whe you start to speak, however, he looks.. surprised. And here he thought it'd be a quiet trip? The words, however, sound to him as if .. if she doesn't get them out now, she won't.. and he waits patiently for that stream of consciousness to end, the questions seeking an answer, some truth. Some light.
"A Children's Crusade," he whispers, and he shakes his head. "There is too much killing, leibchen. I have noticed the same. I do not approve of children being brought in either. Even my Katzchen is too young to me. I think," and here, he goes silent as he looks out the window once again, "there is a desperation. No one is realizing the consequences of anything they do. I.. remember Illyana when she was young.. und I still have a hard time reconciling myself that she is not that little girl she was."
Everything you're saying, he's felt.. and when a mercenary says something that echoes the peaceful one? Something is decidedly wrong. "Who is brought along is not my decision," he finally gets out. "All I can do is pray und try to keep them as safe as they can be."
Kurt exhales in a sigh, soft but audible, and he looks to you again, his voice just above a whisper, "Are you leaving?"
There it is. In three words you've managed to sum up the very matter which Dom couldn't shake from her mind. "Do you really think I should stay?"
Herein lies the reasoning behind telling you and no one else. You're the glue that keeps the group together, its very soul. Part of her doesn't want to leave. If anyone at the Institute could persuade her to stay, it would be the fuzzy blue guy currently sitting beside her. Today, you get to be her reason.
"My entire life has been questionable at best. Sooner or later, things are going to start catching up to me. I'm going to cause someone to get hurt. Hell, I'm bringing -weapons- into a -school.- Maybe I'm not the nicest person out there but I know a problem when I see one. And the way Scott's running the show? There's going to be a lot more people getting hurt. If this is what the school stands for these days, I don't want to become part of the problem. There's too much weight on my conscience, already."
It's almost funny. Didn't she have a conversation just like this one with you a few days ago, as well?
"If you leave, who will speak, leibchen? If I leave, who will speak?" Kurt's tones remain a whisper. "When I say, 'There is too much', they say, 'That is just Kurt'. When you say, 'There is too much killing', do you think they would listen?" He smirks, but the amusement stays far away from those gleaming eyes.
"The question becomes, meine leibchen.. do you care enough? Is this a home in which you want to see become better than when you arrived, or is it truly time for you to go?"
Kurt looks to the road again, watching the cars pass. "We have changed people, our school. Not all our children fight. Most leave as productive members of society, bringing with them the valuable lesson that they are cherished, und there is always a choice. Und always a home to come to." He falls silent, and chuckles again, the sound.. fond. "What I've been trying to tell you."
Kurt's tail twitches as he tries to get comfortable in the front seat, and he studies your face in profile. "I don't want you to leave." Want. "In a way, if you do, that would tell me many things. We have failed.. und not because of anything but what it is you have told me." And her reasons? "Then I would have to look very closely at us, and decide if I can live with it." He chuffs a breath, "Believe it or not, but while I have been here for some time, I have also come und gone. That is why they do not consider me to be one of their 'team leaders'."
Who will speak... It's a good point. Dom's not afraid to go toe to toe with Scott over the issue. What's the worst that could happen, he'd throw her out? She's already considering walking away, that layer of control is still within her own two hands. "Wouldn't that just be stupidly ironic, if my reason for coming here was to tell everyone else to lay off the body count."
So there's a third choice. She could stay, she could go, or she could make a stand and demand that her voice be heard, which could also further cement one of the previous two options. Well, she always did enjoy going out with a bang.
"I don't know what I want," she admits in a softer tone. "There's pros and cons to everything. I can't say that life has been miserable around you guys. -Different,- but not bad."
At times, even comforting. Reassuring. There's still people in this world willing to let her in, without the expectation of money, contracts, or debts.
(God, I'd better not be going soft.)
"What kept bringing you back?" she inquires, passing a lingering sidelong glance your way.
"I felt I was needed."
It's a simple statement, but in Kurt's mind, so very, very complex.
"Und it is the one place that gave me a home after I," and there's a moment before, "lost my own."
Kurt looks to you, and then down and away. "The professor came to me once, when I was young, und I didn't go. He came back a second time after," again, he pauses before, "I killed my brother. He kept the mob from killing me und took me home. Now, it is 'home', und even when I leave, it calls und I cannot help but return.. if I am needed." Wanted.. no. Needed.
"You should stay, though, leibchen. To give voice to your concerns and make it a better place. Your saying something would be very much like Logan saying something. Ones who are familiar with the world, and finding themselves having that close around them again."
Whoa whoa, back up, did you just say that you killed your--
-Shit.-
This conversation suddenly becomes -so- much more dark than Dom had counted on. What's she supposed to say? How can she follow something like that?
..She could, actually. That's a scary enough thought in its own right but Dom's not looking to turn this into a total sympathy party. Even saying 'I didn't know you had a brother' seems pointless and crass. You had the courage to tell her this much, she's not going to discount it and try to forget that it ever happened. Losing family is always hard, but it's a thought which, as usual, she keeps to herself.
"No wonder that place means so much to you."
A gentle sigh follows. "I'm not about to promise a change in my own ways, Blue. I can say something about it, though. Who knows, maybe someone will listen. I've been around for a few weeks and I can already tell that the global vision behind Xavier's has become corrupt. Maybe it can be fixed." Would the others be willing to hear her words over the sounds of her actions?
And the message.
Kurt isn't looking for pity. Ever. He searches for understanding, for enlightenment, and he also wants others to truly.. understand. "Und the fact that things are not right is painful to me." He takes a deep breath and rolls his neck, looking at the ceiling of the car. "Some time ago, there was something of a battle for what I considered the Institute's soul.. when Piotr went to go with the JLA. Suddenly, I wondered if we were to work for their goals, to be subverted. I was happy to see that things have been settled- but now?"
There is a moment of silence, and for him, it's not awkward, in any way. They say that confession is good for the soul, but unlike her confession, he's not aware of the few people who do know ever giving up that silence. "Will you help?"
She may not say it, but Domino understands. A darkness now lurks beyond her cold stare, though it's difficult to detect. It's also the reason why she no longer makes eye contact with you, waiting for the feelings to pass. "I'd much rather have people yelling at me for my brute force methods than for it to be the norm. I first signed up with the impression that it was going to be an issue from the start. Not once has anyone questioned what I bring to the team. Even you haven't made a fuss about me walking around armed every hour of the day. What more does a girl have to do to be a rebel around that joint, anyway?" she rhetorically asks with a small smirk of amusement.
Again a gentle breath is held then released. "Ich kann versuchen, Blau, aber ich kann nichts versprechen." //I can try, Blue, but I can promise nothing.//
"A gun does not mean you will kill, leibling," he murmurs. "Though I must say, I did appreciate that you wore fewer guns for the dance." Kurt simply can't help himself for that moment of lightness.
"But, do you think for a moment that I could live with myself if you needed something, und God forbid, it wasn't there because of something I either said or did?" He shakes his head and looks forward. "Would you have remained if we took that decision to disarm away from you?" A very Catholic way to look at it, and he explains. "You must want to do something for it to mean something, leibchen. Now, this conversation.. it means everything to me."
Looking down, Kurt does offer a touch of a smile, an encouraged one, and he nods, "Ja.. ich verstehe, leibling." //I understand.//
"Yeah, well the biggest threats that night were two adolescent girls and a punch bowl," Dom replies in her usual dry manner.
Wait. 'Leibling?' Did you really just --ah, screw it.
"If I chose to disarm myself then there wouldn't be any reason to get ticked off at you for stealing my gun." Pause. Glance. Smirk.
"You need something, yourself. And I'm here." Today, she can live with herself.
"Ja.." Kurt begins, "though those girls can be rough. I didn't want to get between them. Better Warren got involved. Gave him something to do." He chuckles softly, and leans back, still looking out the front, though he does take the moment to glance her way, a smirk creeping across his face at about the same time as she postures.
"I enjoy stealing your guns." Dipping pigtails in the inkwell, mutant style. "It gives me something to do."
Her reminder of her presence beside him, as they drive into the City, is something truly to be thankful for. "Danke shoen.. I know something will be done.. und all will be well." Ever present optimism.
As they make their way in, there is a dry.. observation, and not something that truly needs to be expounded upon..
"I don't know why people think your driving is horrible.."
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