Blazblue: Continuum Shift Cursed Copy

Written by Dave1995
Good evening, and welcome to Mysterious Theater. I am your host, Bob Newhart. In tonight's episode, 3 kids named Helen, Tifa and Eleanor get missing in the woods one night while looking for their camp teacher. Uh what? Oh, excuse me, I had the wrong script. Oh the worst script they put in a storyteller's contract these days. Anyways, my name is Bob Newhart. Yeah I understand you know my name already but I'm reading you a new tale.
Tell me, do you like video games? I for one don't. Why you ask? It's mostly because I'm just a 91 year old man who's still an actor or at least that's what I think, and another reason is that I easily get attracted to bad ass female women if I'm too close to the screen. One game I used to grow up playing despite me not liking video games is something called Blazblue. Now here's how I'll pronounce it. It goes like this, Blaze Blue.
For those of you who had never played it, Blazblue is a fighting game series developed and published in Japan by a company called Arc System Works, and later localized in North America by Aksys Games and in Europe by Zen United. An anime adaptation aired in the fall of 2013. The Blazblue series has sold 1.7 million games as of August 2012.
Now let me discuss something. There is a lost version on one of the games. It's called Blazblue: Continuum Shift. For your convenience, here's another pronunciation, Continue-um Shift. Sorry, it's just that some people might not be able to understand what the word actually is. Now here's one problem I have with the game. First, there's this character named Noel Vermillion. You know how old she is? She's 5. Now before you ask, I'm trying to not be sexually attractive to this girl. I mean, she looks like a teenager or a woman in her 20's. But enough already, It's time I tell you the story of the cursed copy of Blazblue: Continuum Shift.
It all started a long time ago. I lived with my father who was named Professor Charles and my mother was named Gina. We all lived on a farm. My job on the farm was to get milk from the cows and feed the chickens. While my sister Lucy Heartfilia was to plow. Me and Lucy have been milking and plowing so long that even our dad thinks that our minds are gone. But no, that's our job so it didn't matter to us. By the time I got super old, I had officially decided to move out of my parents house and move to a big city.
I moved to New York where I lived in an apartment near Times Square with my new wife Jane March. I also have 3 kids and their names are Sofia, Telly and Ted Wiggins. Now I love my kids but I have to protect Sofia from dirty content since she is between the age of 6-8.
Let me tell you something broham, looking at stuff like nudity can give you an erection, and that's what happened to me. Now for my kids, they tend to call me Grandpa. Why? Mostly cause as I said, I'm a 91 year old man. But the most obvious reason is that they never met my other family. I ask them if they want to spend the night at my family's place but they say no because they don't want to be far from home. Anyways, let me discuss the cursed copy of this video game I've been somewhat explaining.
I own a business where I have people write stories. The name of the business is Geoshea's Creepypasta Wiki. Now a lot of people say this wiki is terrible mainly due to the amount of crappy pages. There was another guy who owned the place but he retired at a young age. Since it's been a long time, I cannot identify the details of this strange person. Now I have a lot of problems with my business. One being the fact that we once got vandalized by a bunch of people who sent dead images of cats and Avengers: Endgame posters with spoilers. The other being the fact that one of my employees whose name is Tock Tick. He tried to delete a story about Sesame Street that I thought was important. What a loser.
One day, my 2 favorite employees whose names were Chick Gizzard Lips and Atsuko Kagari came into my office claiming that I really needed a vacation. And that's what I did. Luckily, I told them that I'd close down the business for 2 weeks so I can forget all the stress. And I did. But for some reason, I asked them if they'd like to spend some quality time with me since they were my favorite employees after all. They said yes.
The first thing we did is we decided to go to GameStop since I haven't been there in a super long time. Well, to be honest, whenever it's a cloudy day and I see a lot of modern 8 bit games, I think about it at the weirdest times possible. But luckily, I managed to achieve my dreams as I calmly made my way into the store. However, when I first walked into the store, this young girl named Ashley Spinelli was throwing a tantrum because she couldn't get any Lego games due to them not being on sale as the discs were overtaken.
As I looked through the Xbox 360 games section, I felt a hallelujah choir going off. Next to a copy of Mortal Kombat 9 was a copy of Blazblue: Continuum Shift. I mean, it looked normal. I went to the store clerk whose name was Morshu but before I asked him if there were any copies, he said, "Fighting, RPG, Sports. You want it? It's yours my friend, as long as you have enough money." Supposedly, the game was on sale and they had a disc of it. I was going to relive my memories of when I saw my wife play this game.
I allowed Chick Gizzard and Atsuko to go home. But instead of driving them home, Atsuko used her broom to fly both she and Gizzard home. I went home and got my PS3 from the closet and began reliving my memories just entering the home menu and starting the game. However, even though the cover of the game looked normal, the original game didn't though. For starters, instead of the usual opening cutscene that could be seen in any version of Continuum Shift, I instead was greeted by what appeared to be a commercial featuring Tuxedo Patrick selling Oreo's and another commercial involved Gordon Tubasnout looking at a poster saying that you could win Jack Box's stuff, but employees who worked at Jack In The Box were not eligible to participate.
Anyways, there was another commercial but I skipped all that crap by going to the title screen. I went to arcade mode only to recognize something awful. First off, when I saw Iron Tager, he looked a lot like an orange version of Rabe Maniels, as for Makoto Nanaya, she was simply Mr Fox. Was this an In-Disc mod or something? Cause I could not believe what I was seeing.
I picked my babe, who was Noel Vermillion. I tried to pretend that this was a mod cause I may have been taking bath salts or something. But no, I clearly wasn't. I quit bath salts months ago. Anyways, the first character I was facing off was Rachel Alucard. Her stage was the Alucard castle in fog. But that's when I wanted to yell at the TV. Noel's confrontation or should I say introduction was way different. First off, she sounded like Bill Cosby and she said something that I heard from a story I once read before.
This is what she said:
"This is Noel Vermillion coming to you for fun and you might learn something before it's done."
Then she started pointing at Rachel while talking more in her Bill Cosby impression. "Heebadeejeebadie bing bang boom! Your dick looks like a small mushroom!" What? This was just wrong since women don't have dicks. Why the hell would she even say that in front of her? As I was fighting her off, some people such as Sid Chang & Ronnie Anne, Winston Big and Bootleg Gepetto cheered for Noel to kick Rachel's ass. But once I finished fighting her..... (sighs) I wanted to throw up because what Noel did next was disgusting, she started kissing her. Excuse me for one sec. (Goes to throw up)
Ok, I'm back. Why exactly did I throw up over 2 women kissing? Because I'm not that much into LGBTQ people having romance. Now I'm not sure if Noel and Rachel are gay cause that could not be true since there is no evidence. But for this story, this is all a joke. The next fighter I faced off was you guessed it, Mr Fox who can also be seen as Makoto Nanaya. But instead of the heritage museum which was her original stage, I instead fought near Mr Fox's home. Mr Fox's good friend Mr Badger was watching him fight Noel. I fought Mr Fox and moved onto the next battle. But did I continue on with arcade mode? No, I didn't. For some reason, I left the PS3 on to head down to Mcdonald's to grab some food. I ordered a box of chicken nuggets with fries and a coke and a special szechuan sauce. Gee I hope Rick Sanchez doesn't notice I have the sauce he's been looking for.
While I ate some chicken nuggets in my car, one of them started to talk. I later learned that they were the Mcnugget buddies. I apologized for trying to eat the family and they forgave me.
When I got back home, I went to training mode on the game I was playing. I still played as my babe. I picked the circus stage since it looked interesting. But when I got into the stage itself, it looked like some scarecrows were taking away all the circus props. For example, the fat ass turning clowns, the elephants, the somewhat dancing pirates etc. The room was then replaced by El Risitas and his friend bringing a table in to tell some jokes. All that remained were the robotic drummers on the walls. I just decided to defeat Ragna as I listened to the spanish guys talking.
But it wasn't until El Risitas told the character I was playing as told Noel to strip her clothes off. I took the game out entirely and went back to GameStop for a refund. I slammed the game on the counter asking to know the forsaken meaning of this cursed copy. Morshu proceeded to tell me that he went to his house one night and added a lot of mods to the disc. I dialed the police on him cause it sounded like he pirated the game. The police arrived and arrested him. Luckily, one of the employees at GameStop gave me a true copy of the game and now I am playing it normally.
Well, that's all the time we have for today cause I forget what else happened in this story. I hope you all enjoyed it. Moral of the story? Never played pirated games. Now since I've got a little time left, let's sing the goodbye song.
🎵Hey, this was really fun, we hope you liked it too. Seems like we've just begun, when suddenly we're through: Goodbye, goodbye, good friends, goodbye. Cause now it's time to go. But, hey, I say, well, that's OK. Cause we'll see you very soon, I know. Very soon, I know.🎵
Alright, I'm gonna let that slide. See ya!
Category:Video Games
Category:Funnypasta