All The Wrong Choices: Stealing The Bombinating Beast

(This is the first All the Wrong Questions, but from Ellington's point-of-view instead of Snicket's. I hope that I am not breaking the rules by doing this; I didn't find anything that said I couldn't write this, but I am not sure. Also, for copyright reasons, the parts with Snicket will not be the exact dialogue for the series)
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TO: Pecuchet Bellerophon
FROM: EF
FILE UNDER: Stain'd-by-the-sea, accounts of; theft, stealing; VFD; abandoned coffee house; Bombinating Beast; phonograph; et cetera !a/4
CC: None
==Chapter One==
There was a man, and there was statue, and there was a theft. I was the one who was responsible for the theft, and I stole the statue. I did it because the man asked me too, and I thought that if I did what I did what he asked me too I would be able to rescue my father. I was almost fourteen and I was wrong. I should have made the choice to help the young man who fell into my life, instead I made the wrong choice. Four wrong choices, more or less. And this is the account of the first.
It was another morning just like any other the past six months, which doesn't mean it was nice, just the oppisite, really. When I say this was an average morning, what I really mean is it was terrible. But I was getting used to it. The only difference, I thought, from this morning and any other was that today I was in the city, where I had only been for three days. The city was busy, strange place and I didn't like it. Of course, I wasn't there on vacation. I was there to find my father. About six months before that morning, I had lost my father, and before I could do anything--call the police, look for him, try to get in touch with anyone, runaway, pack up my things, anything. I had gotten a call on my father's house phone from a sinister villain saying I would never see my father again. It was threat, I took it as a challage. I packed up my things and tried to find him, and I had ended up here in the city. Today, I was hiding in a phonebooth, I was given a message that I should, and I had gotten the message that past night. I was waiting for the phone to ring, and I was hoping nobody needed to make any calls anytime soon, for it felt like I was never going to get the call.
Finally, it rang. I slipped some of my last few coins into the phone and answered it. "Hello?" I said, I shouldn't have answered. I never should have answered. If I hadn't answered that phone, I wouldn't be where I was now. I wouldn't have ever come to the town where I spent the duration of these accounts, I am not sure where I would be, but it would be better then where I was now. I would never have met the young man who didn't drink coffee, never saw the statue with eyes even greener then my own, and more importantly I never would have stolen it, I never would have impersonated the brilliant chemist, gotten arrested for the frist time, escaped from prison, disguised myself as a schoolchild, helped destory a library, gotten arrested again, been cellmates with that library's only librarian, gotten on that train, been released from prison....or anything else. None of that would have happened if I hadn't answered that phone. 
I should have thought before answering, I should have thought about how it would change my life, I should have thought about the risk I was taking and wrong things I might end up doing. I should have thought about why the villain would call me, and about weather or not I would be able to trick him, I should have thought about motivated him to do the things he did, and about who else would have done the same, I should have thought about it all. I should made the choice to not answer the phone and go back to Killdeer Feilds, where I used to live, and wait until I was old enough to get a job, and then gotten one. Out of all the wrong choices I made in these accounts, this was the first, and now thinking back on it, it very could have been the biggest. But I didn't think before I answered the phone, if I had, even for a split second, I wouldn't have answered. Of course, there was no way I would know just what would happen, but I would have know it be back. But I answered. And there was no turning back.
"Ellington!" Said the voice I had heard everyday of my life until six months ago, and then hadn't heard for half a year. "Ellington, is that you?" said my father, for it was him, of course it was him.
"Yes," I said, my heart racing. "Father, are you alright?" I asked, I wanted to ask "Where are you?" but unlike a young acquaintance of mine, I almost never asked the wrong questions. 
"I'm fine, Ellington." My father said. "But what about you? Are you alright? Are you still at Killdeer Fields?"
"No," I replied, "I left their ages ago, I am in the city now." I shouldn't have told him my location, it was a generally the wrong choice to tell someone who is kiddnapped where you are, becauce the kiddnapper is almost always listening to the conversation. It is even worse to tell a kiddnapper you location. However, even though it was the wrong choice, it was one that had no impact on my life. 
"You are in luck, then." Said my father, without bothering to ask how I got there. "The place I am being held is only about six hours away by car. Or at least, it was when I was there."
"You hate cities," I reminded him. "Because they are bad for animals. Where were you doing here?" My father, Armstrong Feint, did hate cities, because he loved animals and nature, and cities destoryed animal's homes. He never took me to the city for the same reason, I had always wanted to go, but now that I was there I knew what he meant. My father lost many jobs because he refused to go anywhere that wasn't a small town, even just for a couple of days.
"Hangfire knows." father said, "that is why he kept me there for a while."
"Your kiddnapper? Why does he call himself Hangfire?" I asked, I didn't for sure that was the kiddnapper's name, but that would make sense, the only other person aside from a sinister villain who would choose a name like 'Hangfire' to go by would be the leader of a rockband, and I didn't think a rockband leader would have any reason to kiddnap my father. The second question was much better, if I had gotten the right answer, all my problems would have been solved.
"Yes, and I don't know." said father. "Listen Ellington, I am being hidden in Stain'd-by-the-sea, a small, terrible town. Hangfire says that if you get him something--the statue of the Bombinating Beast--he will release me."
"What's the Bombinating Beast?" I asked. "Is it fictional?" It had to be, but I might as well asked anyway. If you grew up with an animal lover such as my father, you would learn there were some very strange, but wonderful, animals out there, some that sounded for stranger then the Bombinating Beat.
"It's a sea monster," said my father, and I thought he was answering both questions. "Listen, no matter what Hangfire says, don't come! Whatever you do, whatever be says, don't come to Stain'd-by-the-sea!"
"What your father means to say," said a voice, it was hollow and deep and brought more questions into my head then answers, yet less questions then it should have, and I remebered Hangfire's voice so clearly from six months ago. "Is that if you ever want to see him again, you will come to Stain'd-by-the-sea, and you will steal that statue. A prepaid car service has been arranged, and if you want to come, you will be here at 2:00 this afternoon." 
"No, Ellington!" said my father. "Don't go, it doesn't matter. Go back to Killdeer Feilds, or too where some of distent family lives, or even stay in the city, just don't come here! It will be dangerous." there was panic is his voice, and I didn't think he was wrong when he said danger, but I had my fair share of danger in the past few months, I wasn't scared at all.
"I want to go," I said, I didn't even have to think about it. I was going to find my father, I thought I would do anything and everything to get him, and I wasn't wrong.
"Good choice," said a new voice, this one Hangfire's. "Senseable choice."
"NO!" my father shouted, "Ellington no!"
"Let her make her own choice, without you--helping--" said Hangfire to my father, "Just like you told me some time ago, she is almost fourteen."
"Ellington...." said my father, through gasps of breath as if he were trying not to cry. "Don't listen, don't come to Stain'd-by-the-sea." 
"I am sorry, father." I said. "I love you, and that is exactly the reason why I have to go."
"Remember, Ellington you have to give me that statue, if you want to see your father alive." said Hangfire.
"By when?" I asked. "By when do I have to give it to you?"
"As soon as you get it," said Hangfire, "It doesn't matter when, as long as the statue gets to me unharmed. But you should do it soonar then later."
"What does the Bombinating Beast look like?" I asked. "And where is it?" I didn't think he would no the answer, but it was worth a shot.
"I am not going to tell you what it looks like, it would take too long." said Hangfire. "Try to find out when you arrive. And it is in the Mallahan lighthouse."
"You know where it is," I said, frustrated. "Why don't get it yourself?" I didn't feel it a danger to suggest that, any villain who was able to kiddnap someone as clever as my father would have thought of that.
"I have never been good at break-ins." he said. "And I don't where in the lighthouse it is, I would have to be sneaky and come during the day to found out infomation about it, and I never appar in public."
"Then how are you going to give back my father?" I asked, I was fed-up wtih Hangfire, but I wasn't afraid. He needed me to get this statue, he wasn't going to hurt me.
"You leave the statue in this organization's communication spot--in a box, of course--and the next day go back, and in replacement will be your father.--tied-up, of course--and then you can leave Stain'd-by-the-sea forever." That wasn't my plan. As soon as I got my father back, I would help defeat Hangfire, but of course I wasn't going to say that.
"Where's the communication spot?" I asked. "And should I address the box to someone?"
"Try the town's only coffee house, in the attic." he said. "You will mail the box to me, at the post office. Only go to the coffee house to get your father. Address the box to the Inhumane Society.
"You actually named your evil organization something with 'inhumane' in the name?" I asked. 
Hangfire didn't respond, so I hung up. As I walked away, I was thinking about what Hangfire said to my father, He is right, for once I thought, You are almost fourteen, you can do this but when I walked, I relized that age didn't make any difference.
==Chapter Two==
A few days after I arrived in Stain'd-by-the-sea for the first time, I would meet a boy, shorter then I was or younger then I was or both, the point is that he had a highly unusual education. Which here means he knew how to pick locks (But was not good at it), could jump into trees (But couldn't get down), help someone who was screaming, listen in on conversations, sneak around and places, and most importently---he could get scared later. This means he could put fear aside until after he solved a problem. But I had a highly usual education, and I didn't know any of this.
Other then how to pick locks, which I knew how to do for complex reasons---which involved a key, a locked door, a trip to the market, and a wonderful---but forgetful---father. It is not that hard, most of the time some household object you took with you can pick a lock. A hairpin, credit card, and unravled paperclip are three examples. I knew how to do other things, but none of that. During my time is Stain'd-by-the-sea, I would learn how to do most--of not all--of this stuff, but I didn't have a highly unusual edacation, I just had determination to find my father, and that was all I needed--in fact, that should be all anybody needed.
At 2:06pm, the car arrived, and at 8:17 the car drove past a sign that read: "Welcome to Stain'd-by-the-sea!" in big, perky letters. And; "Home to the Bombinating Beast, and the darkest ink you could ever want!" Stain'd-by-the-sea didn't feel very welcoming, and I wasn't sure if it was home to the Bombinating Beast or not but I agreed about the ink. You would have too, if you saw that big pen-shaped building. When I found out I was going to Stain'd-by-the-sea, I expected to find a seaside town that had at least a little bit of life, nothing like the city, but open shops and people. I was wrong. The town of which I had just arrived was not the sort of town that belonged in the desert, there was fresh cool or air and nice green grass, and it looked, in the town area, like any seaside town but there was a difference, that difference being there was no sea. And it took me a moment to relize the bump road the car I was in drove on was paved with seashells.
"Did this used to be under the sea?" I asked the driver, I don't know why. He was a stranger. We hadn't talked really at all. He had no reason to know anything about Stain'd-by-the-sea.
"Yup," he said. "There was time when I brought tons of people here, but since the sea was drained, almost no one at all wants to come."
That was clear. The shops were mostly boarded up or had broken windows, just one or two were still up and running. The road had no cars and only one or two people walking on the sidewalks, the most noticeable thing in Stain'd-by-the-sea was deep wells, and needles sticking into them, and then having something black slide through some tubes, I thought it was oil but I wasn't correct.
The car parked on the road. "Is this good?" asked the driver, and I nodded. "I still don't see why you wanted to come here, this place is emty." he said, and drove off. As his car dissappared, I wondered the same thing.
I didn't really have a place to go, but I knew the best place would be where my father would like me to go. He wouldn't like it if I went to find the beast right now, and that wasn't the right choice, but for once I made the choice when I didn't go. "Where to now, Ellington?" I imangined my father saying. "You don't have a place to spend the night, and not much money left for dinner, so where might you go?"
"I am not sure," I said. "Where do yout think?" he wasn't there, but I knew him well enough to know what he might say. "Do you have questions?" he asked.
"Of course I do," I said. "I have loads of questions." Some of these were about Hangfire, but most were about the Bombinating Beast and Stain'd-by-the-sea.
"You have questions, and that means you haven't a clue." My father didn't like to use a word like 'clueless', but I thought words like that had to be used when it was true. "You can't succeed in mcuh when you haven't got a clue about the place you are in, other then the name of the place. So you will need to find somethings out. Where can you get all the infomation you would ever want, without any charge?"
I know the place he was thinking of. "The library?" I asked.
"Every town has one," said my father and he vanished. He had never been there, but he was in Stain'd-by-the-sea.
It should not be hard to find a big building, such as library, in a small town like Stain'd-by-the-sea, and it wasn't hard before long I was facing a building the read 'City Hall' but over 'City' someone had painted 'library' and over 'hall' someone had painted 'police station' it didn't make sense that those to places would share a building, and it made even less sense that that building used to be city hall. In front was the remains of a statue, that was eithier destroyed or incomplete. So, avioding the police station as I knew I was soon to commit  a crime, I entered the library.
I looked at the long halls of books and tables to read books, it was quite the sight. I would have liked to browse at all the good books to read, but I had a mission. And it begain with finding the librarian. I looked around until I saw man, he was young with a leather jacket that looked as if he put it on every day, but was careful with it, but perhaps got mad at it and put some metel in it and never took it out. His hair looked as if he brushed it for hours with a razor, but their was something about him that let me trust him. "Are you the librarian?" I asked, even though I knew he was eithier the librarian or stole the librarian's nametag and put the said librarian in the basement.
"No," he said, and went back to what he was doing, orginizing books. 
"No?" I asked. "Really?" 
"In a mannar of speaking." he said. "Stain'd-by-the-sea cannot pay for a real librarian, so they have me instead. I am Dashiell Qwerty, as you must know from the nametag, and I am the sub-librarian."
"Can you help me with something?" I asked, "Something conerning books?"
"I will try," he said. "But you never can be too sure. Some people make promises they cannot keep, or do keep, but in a different way then anybody would think."
"I am new to this town," I said. "And I have questions about it. Where are the books about the town?"
"Most people who come here for the first time do," he said, and he pointed to a section wih sign that read "Stain'd Stories"
I thanked him, and took a look. None of the books looked instresting, books about a small town are usually very, very boring or very, very instresting, and Stain'd-the-sea was not in the second category. People have this saying, 'Never judge a book by its cover' I know what the saying means, but everytime I think of it, or hear it, I think the seam thing: That a book is one of the few things you should judge by the cover. I found a book called Planning your Stain'd vacation?  which I found to be quite ironic to be in Stain'd-by-the-sea. It was one of the newest books in this section, so I decided it must have the newest answers.
So I read. I found out that Stain'd-by-the-sea was once a thriving town, and it thrivded due to Ink Inc., the town's ink orginazaion which took the ink from octopodes (However, the book called them octopi, that it what most people think, but it is false). But the octopi become scarcer and scacer, so the owners of Ink Inc. decided to drain the sea, and put the octopodes in small caves and pull away the ink from them, and the town was drained as well. Most people, including the mayor, left. The police station and library closed, until the town decided both those places were needed and put them in the same building.
And now there was something else. Stain'd-by-the-sea's most commonly belieaved myth, next to the one about the Bombinating Beast, was that whenever the bell on a place called offshore island rang, you had to wear masks, and keeping wearing them until the bell rang again. No one bealieaved this, at least not for many years, in was nonsense and there was nothing back-up the proof. Plus, there was never a reason. But after the sea had been drained that changed.
People made some masks and would wear them, most people were terrified about what might happen otherwise. Some peope said you needed to wear them due to water pressue, other people said that you had to to keep from getting salt lung, and sickenss you appearenly get from breathing in too much salt that appared in the air of Stain'd-by-the-sea since the draining. And other people said it was an old superstition and was false, but even those people would wear masks.
The book said the masks were only avalible in Stain'd-by-the-sea, and that a store called Cozy's was the best place to get them, if it was still open by the point of your trip. 
The book also said it was likely the whole things with the masks started with just one or two people and then more people watched them and started doing it. The book referred to it as 'Monkey see, monkey do' a phrase my father never liked, he always said that of course there were a great deal of independent monkeys.
"Did you find what you what you were looking for?" Asked Qwerty, he just approached me and was using the deep voice that he did have.
"Yes, thank you." I said. "Say, I was wondering if you had music section?"
"Yes," said Qwerty. "But I am closing for tonight. I open early, though. How about you come back then?"
I nodded. "Does Stain'd-by-the-sea have any abondoned buildings that are still in good shape?"
"Sure, the best would be Hankerchief Heights." Then he looked at me and must have noiticed something. "However, I think you would be better off with an hotel. The Lost Arms is a nice enough place."
"Thank you," I said. "What steet is it on?"
"Stain'd Street, one of the first named streets, and least abondoned in the town. But it is dark outside, I could call the Bellerophen taxt for you, though I expect I won't have too as it is often right outside."
"I will go see, and otherwise I can walk. Thanks for the help!" I told Qwerty, and rushed off, grabbing my suitcase. Surprisingly, there was a taxi, it looked beat-up yet driveable and it read 'Belleropon' on the side. The window was cranked down and I found myself face to face with a boy a few years younger then I was, and who had stacked up library books to reach the steering wheel.
"Hey, friend." Said the boy, "What's your name?"
"Ellington," I said. "What's yours? And are you allowed to drive?" It was the wrong choice, a soon-to-be thief shouldn't ask someone else if they were allowed to be doing something.
"Name's Pecuchet, but my friends call me Pip." said the boy, answering just the first questions. "And that's Bouvard, but they call him Squeak." For the first time I noiticed a boy shorter then Pip sitting underneath the wheel, by the brakes.
"I am Pip's older brother," said Squeal. "And we are just filling in for our father, he's sick."
"Older brother?" I asked, Spueak was much shorter then Pip. I was not sure if I thought the father story was true.
Both brothers nodded. "Can we take you somewhere?" asked Pip.
"Up to you," I said. "I need to go somewhere, but I am not sure if I have the money."
"No need for money," Sqeak said, in a high voice. "We generally work for tips."
"Alright then." I said. "What sort of tips?"
"Any type." Pip said.  "Just not tips involving money. Where too?"
"In that case I have a good one ready," I said, answering the first question. And then I made a choice, the only possible one. "Can you take me to Hankerchief Heights?"
==Chapter Three==
"There is nobody there," Squeak squeaked. "But we can take you, if you want."
I nodded. "There is something there I need," I said. And as we drove, I wondered if I mde the right choice. Was it a good idea to stay at Hankerchief Heights? I didn't think so, but there was no better option. I didn't have money for a hotel bill, and something told me the owner of Lost Arms would not take tips instead. Pip and Squeak pulled up to the front of a long road, and at the end of it was cottage.
"How about a tip?" Asked Pip, and I gathered my suitcase and nodded.
"Have you ever read the book, about the lawyer trying to solve the case about these attacks and this scientist, which appar to be connected?" I asked, thinking of a book I had read a long time ago.
"No," Pip said. "Do you if the library has it?"
"I am not sure," I admitted. "But I would think so, it would be the horror section or the mystery section."
"Can you write down the title?" Squeak asked, and Pip handed me paper and a pen from the glove compartment, when he opened it, there were a few masks, which surprised me though it shouldn't have. I wrote down the title, thanked the Bellerophon brothers, and left.
When I arrived at Hankerchief Heights, I relized that if I hadn't been told it was adondoned by two people, I would have thought the owners simply were not home. The cottage had a fireplace, a kitchen with a stove, a fridge, two cups, and--best of all--a coffee pot, which I was glad for, I had no had coffee for many days. As I opened my suitcase, I thought about Hangfire's communication spot. Why, out of all the buildings, would he choose a coffee hosue? Perhaps he knew that I would end up there soonar later without him asking, but I wasn't sure.
I took out my phonograph, an old-fashiened record player with a crank on the side, and pushed it into the corner. I purt some records I had next to it, and put in my favorite. It was sad song, but it was good. While it played, I put a music box that played the same song next to it, and took out a pair of dented binoculars my father had given me for bird watching, which I put near the window. I took out all the papers I had been using to find my father and put them on the floor, and then I looked around the cottage. I saw mask, just like the ones Pecuchet and Bouvard had in there car, and looked at it.
It seemed to have nothing wrong it it, so I put it aside and decided to be grateful that it saved me a trip to a store. I shoved the last of the money I brought, which wasn't enough for a cab fare, under my phonograph where nobody would find it. As the night went on, I closed my eyes and rested my head on the phonograph.
When I woke up it was still dark out, but there was a crashing noise, I stood up and decided to find a weapon. I walked into the kitchen looking for a knife, I found one on the strove and held it in front of me. It wasn't a butter knife, but it also wasn't a kitchen knife, so it was almost of no use, but not quite.  "Come out," I said, though I didn't expect to me listened too, "I am warning you, three seconds." I said. "Three...two....one." No one came out and I wasn't surprised, but as I looked through the cottage I relized I had been speaking to the air.
I looked outside the window, and for the first time saw a hawser going from the lighthouse to a mansion accross from it. And the wind was blowing it into a the cottage, which made the noise. I slowly glanced at it, and watched to make sure that really was the crashing noise. By the point I decided it was safe, I also decided there was no way I was going back to sleep now. So I decided to break Hangfire's orders and go to Black Cat Coffee. I grabbed the music box, slipped into a green purse that I relized for the first time could hold the Bombinating Beast, and the mask, and left the cottage.
I decided there was no way Pip and Squeak would be driving around at this hour, so I walked looking for a map of the town. It was cold at night, but I hardly cared. I didn't find a map, so I walked until I found it. It was small enough building, with a back door the seemed to be locked and a front door tha seemed to be unlocked. The sign was just a drawn image of black cat, there were no words, but I assumed it was likely the right place. There was noise on the inside, which surprised me becuse I couldn't think of anyone who would be here at this hour. When I entered, I saw I was right. 
Black Cat Cofee had no tables, just long counter which chairs on it. There was a piano that played a tune that sounded like the one on the record I played in the phonograph and on the music box, though I couldn't be sure, because it was playing for too quietly. Nobody was playing the song, but the key in the side proved it was a player piano and didn't need anyone to play. There a machine that was making the noise, and when I walked to the counter I saw no coffee cups anywhere. 
The only thing over the counter was a garbage can, and part of the mahcine. I had never seen of anything like it. It took most of the store, and made quite a bit of noise. It also had three buttons, C, B, and A, I didn't know what the A button stood for, but I had a guess. I had no idea about the B button, but I was fairly sure about the C button, so I pressed. The machine started making a lot of noise, and I took a step back. Two metel hands a cup and saucer below the C button, and I saw a black liquid that looked like ink or oil go through a tube, and fill the cup. C stood for cofee, of course. After I drank it, I decided to see about the B button.
Flour and other stuff went through the tubes and then somewhere I couldn't see, but I saw a timer, and it counted for a while before it turned off, and a small loaf of bread came before me. "Bread?" I asked. The bread didn't respond. I ate the bread and decided to take my chances with the A button, though I wasn't sure I wanted too. I pressed the button, and it felt like it was going to pull the building of the ground, instead a ladder came down and a door to opened. "Attic, of course." I said. That was my guess, Hangfire said something about an attic.
I walked uo the ladder and looked around, it wasn't all that bad. There packeges and letter everywhere, most of which addressed to the Inhumane Society. I saw one labled 'Ellington Feint' and grabbed it, but I had to think of something to do about it, the reason was that I couldn't open it, because even if I left it here, it would be opened and Hangfire would know I read it, I wasn't supposed to come to Black Cat Coffee until I had given him the statue, which I hadn't done yet, but on the other hand, this letter might have something importent. I had never learned how to open a letter and then reseal it, what I had learned was the sneaking and rule-breaking was bad, but I had never belieaved it and didn't today.
I knew what I would need--a new envelope. But then again, I didn't know where to get one. I looked around Black Cat Coffee, perhaps it was kind of like a post office and there would be letters, but it wasn't at all. I made the choice to leave the letter, and it was the wrong choice. It slowed everything down. I left the letter and exited the building, just as the bell rang. I slipped the mask I had on, and looked around Stain'd-by-the-sea. There were few people, and all of them were masked. I walked around looking for the post office, but it had closed down, the sign was up but one window was boarded up and the other cracked. 
Rather then looking somewhere els
e for an envelope I gave up, another wrong choice, and walked around looking for a foodstore, that is one thing every town--no matter how abondoned--has. That, and a pharmacy. I knew that Stain'd-by-the-sea had one of those, but I had no need to visit Swister Pharmacy, which I walked past on my way to Black Cat Coffee, but I needed to do the foodstore, because the only open place I saw was called Hungrys and I didn't think I could afford it. I walked back to Hankerchief Heights, just after the bell rang the all-clear, I put the mask and the music box back, and took the last of the money.
I walked past the Lost Arms, where I saw the Belleropon taxi, and I walked over and knocked on the window. "Hello, Ellington." Pip said. "Did you find what you needed at Hankerchief Heights?"
"I did, did the library have the book?"
"Yeah," Squeak said, from underneath the seat. "We have it here now, Pip is sitting on it. We will read on break."
"Well, I hope you enjoy it," I said. "Does Stain'd-by-the-sea have a foodstore?"
"In a manner of speaking." Squeak squeaked.
"It is still open," said Pip. "Unlike most of the town, but there is barey anything there. We can take you, though."
I climbed in next to Pip, and thought of another tip. "When was the sea drained?" I asked. "Recently?"
"I wasn't born yet," Pip said. "And I don't think Squeak was."
"Nope." Squeak replied. "It was about thirteen years ago, by this point."
"We have seen images our father took of this place, though." Pip said. "It looked just like any other seaside town."
"Why did so many people leave here after the sea drained?" I asked.
"People only came to Stain'd-by-the-sea for two reasons," Squeak said. "To see how the ink was made, and because it was a nice seaside town. When the sea was drained it was no longer a seaside town, and Ink Inc. stopped thriving."
"And without any people coming to Stain'd-by-the-sea," Pip said. "A lot of the stores weren't making enough money to stay open, and most of the one that were would have gotten more money elsewhere, so left. And without placess to go, almost everyone left."
"Or at least, the adults did." Squeak said. "Most of the kids stayed, and some of them even started running their parents old shops."
"Really?" I asked. "Almost none of the kids were live with an adult?" I thought that was strange, the kind of thing that would never happen. But it had, in Stain'd-by-the-sea.
"You are one to talk," Squeak said. "You aren't here with an adult, are you?"
"And I guess that is why you are staying in Hankerchief Heights?" Pip put in, I hand't said where I was staying, of course, but they had found out, I suppose it was just a guess.
I looked at the brothers, choosing my words carefully. "Yes," I said. "But I am here to find my father, he was kiddnapped, and I need to get him back. But the law wouldn't let me stay in an abandoned building."
Pip nodded. "But you are," he said.
"And you two are the only ones who know," I said. "And I can't let anyone else find out, so you have to keeep this a secret."
"Sure thing," Squeak said. "We won't tell anyone."
Pip nodded in agreement. I didn't think anyone would say 'Hey, Belleropon brothers, is a girl named Ellington Feint who is planning on stealing a statue to rescue her father staying in the building no one has been in for for years, by any chance?' but I thought it wasn't worth the risk.
==Chapter Four==
"Here we are." Pip said, as he pulled into the front of a building.
"Thanks," I said. "Have you ever read the book about the pirates by that author?" I asked, pointing to the book I had suggested yesterday.
"No," Bouvard said, "But we can take a look later."
The car sped off and I noiticed a sign the read 'Partial Foods.' On the building, I entered and looking around. There were boxes on all the aisles, covering the floor. Most of the aisles were emty other then the boxes and the place was dirty. Every town did have a foodstore, but not every town had a good one. "What do you went?" Said a woman, she was cleaning the floors and looked even dirtier the the store. She had a nametag which read; 'Polly Partial' and then below it; 'Owner'
"Nothing in particular, Ms. Partial," I said. "I am just looking around."
"Well, in the case," Partial said, "Get out, this place is a not a museum."
"Sorry," I said. "I thought it was 'The museum of rotting food,' but I guess it closed down." 
"Get out!" Partial said. "Right now! Out! How dare you insult my store??"
I didn't respond, and I stood still, because I had noiticed someone.
"There is an exit, right there!" Partial said.
"Fascinating," I said. "I was was wondering where that was."
It was the wrong thing to say, I wanted to see someone better. The person I saw was wearing a mask, so I couldn't see his face, but the way he walked reminded me of someone, but I didn't think it was possible. My father was kiddnapped, he wouldn't be walking through a foodstore. 
Polly Partial pushed me through the exit, and as I walked I thouught. I saw Pip and Squeak's taxi, but I didn't ask the brothers to stop, I needed to walk, because I needed to think. I walked to the library, and when I arrived I saw Dashiell Qwerty orginizing some papers, he was wearing the same jacket and had the same hairstyle. "Hello, Ellington." He said. "Can I help you with anything?"
I nodded. "Is there a book about the Bombinating Beast?"
Qwerty nodded. "Yes, it is called Stain'd Myths, but I think a young man is reading it right now. However, I know a bit about the beast, what were you wondering?"
"I was wondering what the statue," I said. "What does it look like?"
"Is made out of wood, about the size of a milk bottle," said Qwerty. "And it looks like this," he held up a much smaller, plastic version of the beast, it was dark black and had it's talk curved like a question mark. It's claws look sharp, but gentle compeared to its hundreds of sharp teeth, which still were not as peircing as it green eyes. It looked like a seahorse, but much feircer, its eyes seemed to lock with my own.
"Is the statue real?" I asked. "Or just a legend, like the beast?"
"It is very much real," Qwerty said. "But if it were a legend, would that make it any different?" Something about what he said gave me chills, and I couldn't think of a response.
When you can't think of a response, say something else that was what my father taught me. "Can you get library card, even if you don't live in the town?"
"I am afraid not as of now." He said. "Do you have one in your home?"
I nodded. "Why?" I asked.
"You can write down the name if library, your name, the author's name of a book you might like, and the name of the book on a request here," Qwerty said, "And when you get home, the book will be waiting."
"Can it be a book from here?" I asked glancing around.
Qwerty nodded. "Two men yesterday came, one was named Armstrong, and he has been very insterested in this system. If you decide to request, could I show him your request?"
I got an idea. "Sure," I said. "Can you reqesut a book from the Killdeer Public Library?" The library itself didn't matter, but it was the only library I had a card for.
Qwerty took down a special piece of paper, and wrote then name of the library, and my name, which he knew from yesterday. "And the author's name?"
I thought for a second. "Are You Okay."
"That is the author's name?" asked Qwerty.
"Sort of," I said. "His name is Robert Umar Okay, but he goes by R.U. Okay."
The sub-librarian looked a bit confused, but he wrote it down. "And the book title?"
"I Have A Plan," I said. "Is the title."
"Alright," said Qwerty. "Is that a realistic fiction chidren's book?"
"I think so," I said, and went to look around. I didn't quite have a plan on how to get the statue, but I had a plan about how to make a plan to get the statue, I went to the crime section and found some books on stealing, the books were about peope that try to solve these crimes, but the story still went through the villain's plan. Sadly, in the end of every book, the theives were caught and taken to prison---it didn't help feel great about my plan. I put the book back, and glanced at the music section on my way out of library.
I decided that I didn't have time to waste, so I left. I went back to the cottage and came with a plan that wasn't to great. Soon, the bell rang and I put on the mask, but I didn't mind. There were two places wanted to go, and I didn't want anyone to get used to seeing me, as I was about to commit a crime, so I was glad to have the mask. With money in my pocket, I went to Hungrys and waked in. An older woman was cleaning the counter of the place. It had a counter with chairs, and some booths. I sat at the counter and the woman glared at me.
"What are you doing here?" she asked. A lot of people in town didn't seem to like having paying customers.
"Can I have the Soup of The Day and a cup of water?" I asked, I preferred coffee, but it cost money and I didn't have much.
The older woman and nodded. "My name is Hungry Hix," she replied. "And I own this place, so don't do something that might cause me to toss you out!" I wasn't planning on it, the only I was doing tha I shouldn't have done, I thought, would be stealing the statue.
I was given the food and water, and when I was done she brought me a check. "Jake may give people free food here, but I do nothing of the sort!" I didn't know who Jake was, but I payed the bill and left.
"Wait!" Called Hungry, and I turned around. "Phone call for you."
"Phone call?" I asked. "Who is it?"
"I don't know," said Hungry. "How would I know?"
I walked back and took the phone. "Who is this?" I asked, but I was pretty sure.
"Did you get my message at Black Cat Coffee?" asked a voice, hollow and deep, I knew it was Hangfire's
"You told me not to go," I said, without saying that I had gone, found the letter, and left it.
"I didn't think you would listen," said Hangfire. "The letter said that your services were longer needed, and I found someone else to commit the crime, and that if you wanted to see you father agin, you would run back to Killdeer Fields." I never saw the letter, but I think all of it was true. He wouldn't have given me back my father, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't have said he would.
"Really?" I said. "So, he will be waiting there?" I was speaking carefully, I didn't want Hungry Hix to know anything.
"He would have," said Hangfire. "But now I want to punish you and you will get that statue." This is where Hangfire's anger took over. If I had looked at the letter, I would have gone home and their would have been a letter with something that wasn't the truth and wasn't something I wanted to hear, but I would have resumed my life, just not with my father, and none of this wouldn't have happened. And frankly, Hangfire made the wrong choice, too. He should have stuck with the plan, then quite a bit would have gone better for him.
"That doesn't seem fair," I said. "I did what you asked!" I wanted to say quite few things that wouldn't even appar in a bar in New York city late at night, but Hungry was listening, so I bit my lip and kept listening.
"One you will learn from this, Ellington Feint, is that listening gets you no where," said Hangfire. "You will get that statue!"
"How did you know I was here?" I asked, using the right question.
"I have eyes and ears everywhere," Said Hangfire.
"Oh, really?" I said, a bit feircer then I should have, I glanced at Hungry Hix. "I didn't think Emily was still in town."
"What?" asked Hangfire.
I glanced at Hungry. "Oh, she is leaving soon?"
"I don't have times for games!" Said Hangfire. "Goodbye!"
"I will be home for dinner." I said, "Send brother my regards." The line went dead. I didn't have a brother, of course, but I had lied often. 
"Who was that?" Asked Hungry.
"My uncle, he takes care of me and my older brother" I said, and left.
==Chapter Five==
I had a new place go: the lighthouse. I would go there, tell whoever lived there I was doing a report in shcool on the Bombinating Beast statue, ask if I could see it, go back to the cottage after seeing it, think of a good way to sneak into the lighthouse, sneak in late tonight, steal the statue, mail it to Hangfire, and get my father back. It was a good plan, but I didn't go well--for many reasons, one of which being the young man with the highly unusual edacation.
I saw Pip and Squeak's taxi, and I made the wrong choice to have them stop. I knew the all-clear would probably ring soon, and I didn't really want to wait, but this was the wrong choice. "Hello!" Said Pip, I couldn't see his face, but I knew his voice, his taxi, and his conductor cap. "Is that you, Ellington?"
"Yeah," I said. And then I paused. I didn't like the idea of risking the lighthosue people seeing me near Hankerchief Heights. "Can you take me to the lighthouse?" I asked, closing the door.
"Why do you want to go there?" Asked Squeak.
I couldn't use the school thing, Pip and Squeak knew where I lived it wasn't here. And there would be no reason for Killdeer Feilds to have anything to do with the Bombinating Beast statue "I think lighthouses are cool, and I have never been in one." This was the lamest thing I had ever said, but I couldn't of anything better. Squeak gave me an annoyed look that looked friendly compeared to Pip's.
"That isn't true." Pip said. "What's the deal?
I couldn't make something, I would have to be honest. "I am not a huge fan of lighthouses, you are right." I said. "But m y father needs my help."
"What does that have to do with anything?" Asked Squeak.
"In order to get him back, the kiddnapper said I have to get the statue, so I am going there in hopes of finding a way to steal it, tonight." I waited for their response. 
Squeak didn't say anything, but Pip did. "We can't help you steal," he said, and I wasn't surprised.
"Pecuchet, Bouvard....your father is sick right?" I didn't wait for them to respond. "And how much you do to make him get better?"
"Anything," Said Squeak.
"And everything," Pip agreed.
"It's like that," I said. "I need to get my father back, and this is the only way. Can you help me?"
Squeak seemed to be thinking about it. "Get in," Pip said, after a pause and Squeak nodded, I walked in.
"Thanks," I said.
"You better have a big tip ready for this, though." Squeak squeaked.
"We don't often help people steal." Agreed Pip.
It wasn't long until we arrived, and I told Pip and Squeak about a book called A Winkle In Time. I walked to the front of the lighthouse and knocked on the door, a tallman in a bathrobe answered. "Who are you?" He asked.
I smiled my kindest smile. "Hello!" I said. "I go to school here and I am doing a report about the statue of the Bombinating Beast. My friend said you have it, and I was wondering if I could see it?"
He frowned. "Moxie!" he called. My heart skipped a beat, what if he was asking a child my age if someone who looked like me went to that class? "Do we still have the statue of the Bombinating Beast?"
"Yes," called a voice. "Why? Is someone at the door? Do they want to see it? Is it missing? Is this about the boy and the woman from yesterday?"
"No." Said the man, answering the last question. "Come on," 
"Who are you?" I asked, as he walked up the staircase, and I followed. 
"I am Mr. Mallahan," he said. "And you are?"
"Feline N. Gottlin." I said, using the first name that name to mind. It was the letters in my real scrambled, I had come up with years ago playing a game with my friends.
"What does the N stand for?" Asked Mr. Mallahan.
"No boats come here, without a sea, but do you still use the light for other things?"  I asked, changing the subject.
"Yes," said Mr. Mallahan. "But rarely."
He lead me too a room, and a white sheet covered a table, he removed it and there were Bombining Beast things on the whole table--stuffed Bombinating Beasts, plastic Bombinating Beats, canes with Bombinating Beats on them, Bombinating Beast playing cars--everything. And in the center was a dusty statue that was about the size of a milk bottle and made of wood. "Is that what you are looking for?" Mr. Mallahon asked, pointing to it.
"Yes, thank you." I said, and picked up. It was heavy, but lighter then you would think, it was hollow. It looked at it like I was studying it, and put it down after a few minutes.
"Well, thank you." I said, and put it back. He took me downstairs. "You are the second vistor I had come to lighthouse over the past few days," he said.
And I asked the question that everyone asks on times like these. "Who was the first?" But I knew from what that girl Moxie had called.
"It was two," he said. "So I guess that makes you the third. A woman and a boy a little younger then you, or maybe just a bit a shorter, they said they loved lighthouses."
"I can understand that." I said, even though I could understand nothing of the sort. "Lighthouses are really cool, and this is my first time in one!"
Mr. Mallahan smiled. "Well, see you later." he said. "Good luck on that report." He yawned, and waved.
"Bye!" I said, and walked back to the cottage, feeling like a terrible person.
Even thought I tried to tell myself I was doing the right thing, it was hard to think that and I couldn't think of a good plan. I had been in Hankerchief Heights for hours and come up with nothing. Thinking of a plan was easy, but thinking of a good plan is harder. It would be getting dark soon, and I wanted to steal tonight. I looked at the ladder outside the cottage, it wouldn't be of a help, and if it would be, I still wouldn't be able to move all the way over to the cottage.
I had a piece of paper and a pen, I drew the lighthouse, and the cottage. I put a line where the staircase was in the lighthouse, an 'X' for every room, a √ for every door, and star for the statue. And a path from the cottage to the lighthouse. "Okay," I said to no one but myself, "At 12:00am, I walk over there, pick the lock with a paper clip. but I go barefoot, then I sneak up the stairs, quietly, enter the room, grab the beast, levae the door open, sneak down the stairs, and run. When I get there, I pack up my things, go to Black Cat Coffee, package the beast, go to the library, wait there for a while, come back, get my father and my suitcase, and then try to defeat Hangfire!" It all sounded good
At least, other then that last part. I had been trying to think of a really sneaky plan is how it took so long, but I gave up and and deicded to do it the normal way.
I took the last of the money, I had a bit left over, and walked to Hungrys for dinner, when I got there Hungry Hix was working, I took a seat, ordered some water and "whatever the least expensive thing on the menu is" which turned out to be fish that I wasn't sure was fresh.
"I thought you told your uncle you were eating with him," said Hungry while I ate.
"I did," I said, "But there was a change of plans, he is having dinner with his client back at home, he let my bother stay but told me to eat somewhere else."
"And I can see why," said Hungry. "The last thing he would need when having dinner with a client is a little person messing everything up. Jake is never allowed on importent meetings I have, instead he stays here."
"Is Jake the only person that here?" I asked, "Other then you?"
Hungry nodded. "Of course, I am very picky about how I hire." She explained. "I wouldn't even let Jake stay, but he needs somewhere to live and so he might as well make himself useful. His parents moved to the city and left him, I am his aunt, so I am raising him."
"Does he work here often?" I asked.
"Almost all the time," said Hungry. "He was at library reading, like he always is, when you came for lunch, and now he is on a date with that Knight girl. You know--like from Ink. Inc?"
"It was her idea to drain the sea?" I asked, wondering how old Jake was.
"Oh no!" Said Hungry. "It her parents idea, she really didn't want it to happen, but she was five-year-old at the time, and brillient chemists really cannot be bother by young peole like she was! However, that one time, she was correct."
I didn't think age made any difference what so ever, and I didn't think Miss Knight's parents were all the brillient. "How old is Miss Knight now?" I asked.
"She turned eighteen recently." Siad Hungry. "Jake is almost seventeen, too young to date! Plus, he has a job here."
I payed the bill, thanked Hungry, and left. It sunk in how strange it was that I had spent over an hour talking to some random person about her nephew's love life.
It was still a while until stealing time, so I decided to go to Black Cat Cofee.
==Chapter Six==
I entered the long room, and walked over to the machine, I pressed the C botton, and sipped the coffee. I had no reason to think the plan would work, and had every reason to think it would fail, but somehow I felt calm and happy as I drank the coffee in the long, emty building. I thought about the letter Hangfire sent, if only I had looked at it. I thought that, if I read it, by this point I would be coming with a plan on how to defeat Hangfire and would be doing so alongside my father, I was wrong, of course--but I didn't know that right then. I thought about Pip and Squeak, and they really had been a help, shortly after I left the lighthouse the bell rang the all-clear, I would have still been walking if not for them.
And I didn't even want to think about what might happen if they had called the police. I wondered if what they said about their father was true, whatever happened, they weren't with him right then. But was he really sick, or was he like all those other parents--leaving their children in a strange town with their jobs, and leaving. Cowering. I thought about my father, and decided he would never do that to me, but then I figured that, if asked, all the kids in Stain'd-by-the-sea would have said the same about their parents beforehand. In some ways, Pecuchet and Bouvard Belleropon were lucky, at least they had each other, Jake Hix didn't have anyone of then his cranky aunt. Miss Knight didn't have people who would listen to her. The girl Moxie from the lighthouse didn't seem to have a mother.
So many people in Stain'd-by-the-sea were missing so much, and then so was I. Maybe this town attracted people who didn't have both parents for one reason or another, I had my father, but now I had no one. No mother or father. No sibling. No aunt. I didn't have ao mother or father that wouldn't listen to me. I had no one, I was alone in Stain'd-by-the-sea, and I was about to do something terrible, something so terrible it would give me jail time, if I was caught.
And I was trying to shake the feeling that I should be caught. Is it really a crime if you are doing it to help someone else? I wondered. I remembered the story of Robin Hood who was a thief who stole from the rich and gave to the poor. My father had never read it to me, so I didn't know how it ended, but I knew what I was doing wasn't like that. I was stealing from a lighthouse and giving to a terrible villain, it was not like Robin Hood at all.
But you are just doing it to save your father, is it really that bad? I couldn't be sure, but I didn't seem like the write thing to do. I wasn't sure of the time, I had no watch and sadly had never learned how to tell time by looking at the sun, but I was fairly sure that it was getting to be around break-in time, so I decided to walk back to Handkerchief Heights, and I was about half way there when a dented yellow taxt pulled in front of me.
"Hello, Ellington." said Pip. "Need to go anywhere?"
"I have to get to Handkerchief Heights," I said. "I have about another hour or so."
"Until stealing time?" asked Squeak.
"Don't I say it out loud!" I whispered. Stain'd-by-the-sea had almost no people walking on the streets, but if it was anythign like Killdeer Fields, then if one person found out, everyone would and that included the police.
"Get in," said Pip. "But same thing applies about helping a thief, you better have a big tip ready."
"Thief-to-be," I corrected, but it didn't make much of a difference--it was like the difference between a person who killed someone, and a person who tried to kill someone but put wine in their glass instead of poison, or tried to push someone out of a window, but pushed them onto a ladder instead--the failed murderer was as bad as the murderer who did the job right. 
None the less, Squeak and Pip drove me to Handkerchief Heights, and I told them about the book of mysteries about the detective who was crazy intelligent, but had a strange sense of right and wrong.
It was not long until we got there, I ran back into the cottage and studied some of the papers I had used to try and find my father, I wondered if I would need them anymore. If all goes well I thought, you will have your father back by Monday. I cannot tell you if things went well or poorly, simply because I am not sure how you would count it, but I can tell you I didn't find my father right then.
If I could go back in time, I wouldn't go and find my almost-thirteen-year-old self and tell her the plan was going to fail, there was no point in that, I would go back to my about-half-way-to-thirteen-year-old self and tell not to go and find her father, and that it wouldn't work, but she wouldn't listen. If I know anything about myself, then I can tell you she wouldn't listen.
Perhaps it would be better to warn my, say, eleven-year-old self about what was going to happen in the future, then maybe she would be listen, but I couldn't be sure. However, since I have a stunning lack of a time machine, I don't think I should spend my time thinking about this. 
I looked over my plan one more time, it looked pretty simple, in the meantime I decided to take a look at book. I didn't have a library card, but I had taken a couple books with me when I left Killdeer Fields, I took out Sacred Concerts which was my second favorite book, next to Beneath The Underdog, But I found I couldn't read, I was too nervous about what I was about to do, no matter what I did, my mind kept wandering, until I gave up and put the book away.
I was going to make coffee, I had brought back a few bags of grounds from when I was there, but I decided not too, my hands were shaking too much. The lights were off in the lighthouse, but that didn't cause to feel any safer. Stain'd-by-the-sea was not a town with much life at any time of day, but it had more nightlife then daylife, so it was pretty likely the people in the lighthouse had not gone to sleep. I thought about Mr. Mallahan, he didn't seem like the type who would go to bed late, but what his child, Moxie? The young girl who seemed to have a lot more energy then her father? And what if Mr. Mallhan was still married? Then what? I tried not to think about that, or about how many thieves must get caught.
Why did Hangfire want me, a child of not even thirteen,  who had never stolen anything in her life to steal something that he needed so much? It could be a trick I suggested to myself, but I shook off the thought. I turned on the song I was listening to, it was sad, but it wasn't weepy, it wasn't that long and had no lyrics--there was a version that had lyrics, but I had never heard it. I didn't like songs with lyrics.
I looked outside of my one and only window in Handkerchief Heights, the lighthouse looked dark and scarier then it had in the daylight, but you can't steal something before the sun goes down if it would be in a house. I looked at the watch I didn't have. I still had no idea what time it was, but I knew it was dark out and I knew that any good thief would be ready to steal, but I wasn't ready, I wasn't a good thief--I wasn't even a thief yet, but that didn't change anything.
Everything you do, Ellington, I told myself, anything you have ever done you had to do for a first time. What difference does it make if it is stealing? You talked for a first time, walked for a first time, breathed for a first time, listened to the song on the phonograph for the first time, went to school for the frist time, wrote or the first time, read for the first time, did math for the first time, picked a lock for the first time, payed for something for the first time, answered the phone for the first time, yelled at someone for the first time, planted a tree for the first time, brushed your teeth for the first time, got dressed for the first time, drank coffee for the first time, played the violin for the first time, ate for the first time, drank water for the first time--things that now you do everyday you once did for the first time, and it was hard for first time, but now it is easy. Stealing is no different. But I couldn't make it feel true.
I wouldn't have gotten arrested if I couldn't walk, talk, read, drink coffee, or any of that. And I wasn't if sure if eating, drinking or breathing was hard the first time. If I failed at any of those things, I wouldn't have gotten arrested, but if I couldn't steal the statue, the police would come. If I was able to get away from the police, but didn't get the statue, my father might have died and I didn't like that. I couldn't fail. Well, that isn't true--I could fail. I had always hated it when people said something like that. It is like when you can't find something, and someone tells you 'Just find it' just because you are told to find something you can't find in a forceful voice doesn't make it any easier.
I put in another record on my phonograph, this was called Far East Suite and it wasn't a song I liked as much as some others, but it was the first one I found. I turned it off after a second, I didn't think I could be heard from the lighthouse, but I couldn't risk it. I shook my head. I was wasting my time. If I was going to steal something, I was going to steal it. No exeptions. But I didn't want too. And it wasn't just because I didn't think I could I do it.
It was because it felt wrong. I was taking something that wasn't my own. I would have felt better if I hadn't spoken to Mr. Mallahan, he was really nice. I couldn't stop thinking about this one time when I was younger and I  set the house on fire, it was a mistake, but I couldn't stop thinknking about what my father said.
I was eight-years-old, but was almost nine, and my father was on a hike that was very dangerous that he thought I was too young for, and I was spiteful. This was because when I was seven-and-a-half, he left to go on a dangerous hike that he said I couldn't go on because I was to young to on hikes, and he promised me I would see him by lunchtime, he left at abotu 10:30. There was loads of traffic, and he lost his way, and then he got lost on the hike. Long story short, he didn't get back until the next afternoon, and there was no phone in the house at the time becuase it was getting repaired, he didn't have anyway of contacting me, and I couldn't call the police, so I was sure that he died or something like that. I thought he was eaten by a wild cat. He felt terrible, he was a wonderful father. He told me that from now on, he would let me come with him and any hike.
And he did, until then. He said it be bad parenting to bring his child on a hike like that and I thought it would be bad parenting to break a promise he made to his child, but he wouldn't let me come. I had promised him, a long time back, I would never use the stove without an adult watching, so to get revenge I used the stove to cook a can of beans, but I did it wrong and set he house on fire, sort of. There was fire but not much, and I was able to put it out using the bucket of water I put there, just in case. 
Anyway, my father found out, and he told me only three crimes were worse then stealing, two were kiddnapping and murderer, the other was arson, the crime I--sort of--did. Those were just three crimes, out of quite a few, that were worse then the one I was about to do.
I couldn't waste my time anymore, I snuck out of the cottage and walked to the lighthouse, but right before I heard a noise, like a car, and turned to see a run-down green car get parked right in front of the lighthouse, and a woman dressed all in black climbed and snuck into the ligthhouse, I caught sight of a young man, a little younger then me, or perhaps just shorter. I raced back to the cottage and took out my binoulars. I saw the woman and the young man climb onto the hawser, and climb towards the Sallis Mansion.
I stiffened, looking out the window. The woman and the young man seemed to be having a conversation, but I couldn't tell what they were saying, of course. I heard a noise coming behind me, closer to the mansion, and turned to see a station wagon with a red light on top, and a boy about my age, who seemed to have been making the noise, climbed out and I saw someone--dressed like a butler, who I thought looked like someone I had seen, but I denied it. It couldn't be. He wouldn't be there. 
By this point, the woman and the young man were in the tree, and by the time I turned back, the young man was releasing his grip on the hawser, and he dropped into the tree.
==Chapter Seven==
It was not everyday that someone drops into the tree in your front yard, it is even more rare when the said person is holding the item you need. I watched him for a second, and it didn't seem like he knew how to get down. I put the the binoculars down, and walked outside. I looked at the ladder outside, I hadn't noiticed it since I first arrived, but now it would be helpful. I dragged it to the tree and climbed up.
I found myself face to face with a boy a little younger or a little shorter then I was, he had brown eyes and black hair, he was holding the statue of the Bombinating Beast. "Hello," I said.
"Hello," said the boy.
"It is dangerous to pull off a stunt like that," I said, searching my brain for words. "How did you plan on getting down?"
"I had an unusual education," the boy said, smugly. "And I was taught to wait for someone with a ladder."
"That seems a bit far-fetched," I said. "Who would just be standing there with a ladder?" I knew the answer, but I needed to think of something to say, but that was the wrong choice.
"That depends." said the boy, there was something about the way he spoke, and the sound of his voice that caused me t feel bad about what I needed to do. "What's your name?"
"Ellington Feint," I said, I didn't think it mattered. "What's yours?"
"Lemony Snicket," the boy said. 
"Well then, Mr. Snicket, how about you come back to my cottage?" This was a long-shot, but I had a feeling it would wor.
"Why should I trust you, Ms. Feint?" he asked, but I knew the difference from someone who was asking a question because they wanted to know the answer, and someone who asked a question because they needed too.
"Think of it this way," I said, "If it wasn't for me, you would have no way down." I climbed down the ladder and wasn't surprised when he followed.
I entered, and walked towrds the coffee pot. "I am making coffee, do you want some?" I asked, to buy myself some time.
"Coffee?" he asked. "I never drink coffee. Children never drink coffee."
"You dropped into a tree from a hawser as you held something in your hands that you must have stolen from the lighthouse," I pointed out. "And no one does that, Mr. Snicket."
"Do you live here, Ms. Feint?" Snicket asked, but it was the wrong question.
"For the time being," I said, it knew that I shouldn't answer someone's question, but Snicket struck me as being to clever for a track. "Do you live in Stain'd-by-the-sea?" I asked, before he could ask me a tougher question.
"For the time being," Snicket said, "Like you. Are you alone?"
"Yes," I said, with a pause, and then I got an idea. "But I wasn't always." I brought too steaming cups over to where Snicket was sitting, and no, I didn't poison one of them.
"What do you mean, Ms. Feint?" asked Snicket.
"I lived with my father," I said. "But he kiddnapped by a villain, who goes by the name of Hangfire."
"Hangfire?" asked Snicket. "How do you know it was him, Ms. Feint?" Snicket pushed the cup of coffee away. You shouldn't tell him I thought, but then I questioned it. Maybe I should.
"I came home from school one day and he wasn't there," I said. "And the next day a man called, he told me that his name was Hangfire and that I would never see my father again. I tried for months to find him, but I found out almost nothing. And then Hangfire called and said that my father was here, Mr. Snicket."
"I had an unusual education," said Snicket. "I can help you."
"Will you, Mr. Snicket?" I asked. "Will you help me?"
"I will," said Snicket, and then he made a choice worse then any that I had ever made. "I promise."
By this point, I wasn't sure of the right thing to do. I needed to steal that statue, but I felt bad about tricking Snicket. "Your coffee is getting cold, Mr. Snicket."
"I told you, Ms. Feint." Snicket replied. "I don't drink coffee."
"Have you ever had it?" I asked, and he didn't respond.
"Do you know what Hangfire is planning, Ms. Feint?" he asked, and I shook my head, it wasn't quite a lye. I had no idea what Hangfire was up to, but I knew that it involved the statue Snicket was holding.
"Why did you and that woman steal the statue, Mr. Snicket?" I asked, chaning the subject.
"That woman is named S. Theodora Maskson, and she is my chaprone. I have to do what she tells me, and she thinks the statue was stolen, and that it belongs to the Sallis family."
"And what do you think, Mr. Snicket?" I asked.
"It was dusty," Snicket replied. "And Moxie said that it had been there for years."
I knew who Moxie was, even though we had never met, but I wasn't going to tell Snicket. As far as he was concerned, I had never set foot in that lighthouse. "Who's Moxie, Mr. Snicket?"
"Her father runs the lighthouse," Snicket replied. "Where did you find coffee in this town, Ms. Feint?"
"Black Cat Coffee," I said, and it wasn't a lye. "Corner of Caravan and Parfait, one of the few open shops on that street." I told him the address, and perhaps I shouldn't have, but I was not on Hangfire's side, I was just working for him, and perhaps Snicket could help me stop him. And also, I didn't like to think of this as the only time I would see Snicket.
Snicket nodded. "I dropped into the tree because the police were watching," Snicket said. "So they might be after me, I can't be seen for the statue."
That was the moment I was waiting for. "I will mail it to you," I said, "I need to mail something to myself, anyway."
"Will it arrive soon?" asked Snicket. "I need it soon."
"Things get mailed very fast here, Mr. Snicket,"  I said. "You would be surprised."
Snicket looked a bit unsure, but he nodded, even though it was the wrong choice.
Someone knocked on the door. "Who could that be at this hour?" Snicket asked.
"I am not sure," I said "You can answer, but be careful, Mr. Snicket." As he went to answer I knew what I needed to do. I gradded a box and put the Bombinating Beast in it, and I put a bag of coffee grounds in the other. I paused. Which was the right choice? I didn't want to lye to Snicket, I didn't care what my father said, lying was worse then stealing, But I needed to find my father. I put the address to Black Cat Coffee on the packafe with the statue inside, and addressed the other S. Theodora Markson.
I saw at the door was a man and woman, who were dressed like police officers. "You shouldn't be here this late, lad." Said the female officer.
"Yes," said the male officer. "And you should be in abondoned buildings."
"I told him that he shouldn't be in abondoned buildings, Harvey." The female officer said.
"No, you said that he shouldn't be here, Mimi." said Harvey. "That's different."
"It is the same, my 'here' I meant the building." Said Mimi.
"You could have just meant this area." said Harvey.
"Only some half-witted would think that," said Mimi.
"That only proves how dim-witted you are,'" said Harvey.
"That's off-topic," said Mimi.
"No, if you are dim-witted then you are also wrong." 
"No you are not always. Ptolemy was wrong, but he wasn't dim-witted."
"Yes, he was."
"No, he wasn't."
"Yes, he was."
"No, he wasn't.
"Yes, he was."
"No, he wasn't.
"Hello, officers." I said, ending the argument. "But Mr. Snicket and I were just about to mail these packages."
"We will take you to the post office." said Harvey, "Young people shouldn't be out and about at night."
"Alright," I said, and they left. Snicket and I followed and I gave him the package with the coffee grounds.
"Why didn't you address it to me?" Snicket asked.
"Because you are standing right here, it would seem as if I could just hand it too you if you didn't know the whole story."
Snicket nodded. He got to the police car and there was boy about my age sitting in the seat, he climbed out of the car. "Lemony!" he said. "How nice to see you!"
I hadn't known Snicket very long, but I knew him well enough to know that he didn't like being called 'Lemony'
"That's my boy, Stew." Said Harvey.
"He is so friendly," said Mimi and they got in the front, Stew went to 'shake hands' with Snicket, and I saw him pinch Snicket's arm, hard. The officers didn't see, though.
I walked over to Stew. "Hello Stew! I am so happy to meet you," I said, and grabbed his hand to shake it. "I know that we will be best friends!" I dug my fingernails as far as they would into his skin. He flinched and I let go and gave him a sly smile.
First the officers drove Snicket and I to the post office, and then after we dropped off the packages they dropped him off at Lost Arms.
"Where should we drop you off?" Harvey asked.
"Here is good," I said. "I can walk to my house." I exited before they could stop me, and I walked back to the cottage.
==Chapter Eight==
Afterwards, I walked back to Handkerchief Heights, I needed to leave before Snicket found out I stole from him. I packed up my things and walked to the only other place I knew, Black Cat Coffee. I went to bed that night in the attic of the coffeehosue, the next morning I went and had coffee. It would have been a good idea to stand clear of the coffee house.
I walked downstairs from the attic with a small bit of money, and I pressed the A botton so the ladder went up, and then I walked towards Hungrys wearing a mark, I hadn't heard a bell but I didn't want to be reconized. I faced the ground and walked quickly, since I was not sure if the place was open, I decided t circle around town for a little while just case.
I walked into the more poulated part of town and saw a store called Swords I couldn't sword fight, but I wanted to see if a town that barely had a foodstore would have a store that sold swords. I entered, wearing the mask, and looked around. There were swords, quite a few of them. And I saw a man behind a counter that seemed to be the own "My name is Mr. Distinguished," he said, "Can I help you with anything?"
"No, thank you." I said. "I am just looking around."
He shrugged. "Okay then, if you need anything let me know." 
I left the store sometime later and thought about walking to Hungrys but I once again changed my mind. There was one place to eat in this town that I knew of that served food, this meant that Snicket had a good chance of being there. I needed to avoid him for the time being, at least until he got the package.
And after that, he likely wouldn't want to see me and say I blamed him. I wouldn't have taken the statue if I hadn't needed it, but I did. Snicket didn't need it, he was hired for a case and he was supposed to find the statue and return to it's rigthtful owner, but if I didn't get that statue, my father would be killed. And which was more importent? Snicket's case, or my father's life? I knew the answer, but I felt bad about taking the statue, anyway.
You really needed it I thought, there is no other way but when I thought about it I knew there probably was. I couldn't give Hangfire what he wanted, but was there another way? I would do anything and everything to get ny father back, and I wasn't going to stop for any reason, even if it meant stealing.
Something occurred to me. What if Hangfire wanted me to do more? He wouldn't, after all, he had a deal. But could he be trusted? He was a villain willing to kidnap someone who was the father of a child who had no where else to go, and then make her steal to get him back--what else was he willing to do? I wondered if he got in touch.
I looked around, I couldn't see anyone, so I walked towards Black Cat Coffee, the ladder to the attic was closed, and there was no one sitting in the shop. The only way to close the attic was so press the button again, so there was no one in there. I walked inside and pressed the A button, and then I looked around. Packages and letters were all over the place, most addressed to the Inhumane Society, but some to addresses I had never heard of. I grabbed one addressed t Ellington Feint, it was just a letter nothing more, and left. 
I couldn't just open the letter out in the open, and I would need to destroy it afterwards, but I could do it in bathroom-- I would be in a room or a stall by myself, and then I could run water on it to destroy it. There were only three places I knew well in Stain'd-by-the-sea. One was Black Cat Coffee, and it had no bathroom, one was Handkerchief Heights but I couldn't go back there, and that left one place.
I didn't knew weather or not it had a bathroom, but I decided to check, I was planning on going there anyway. I walked quickly and arrived at Hungrys. Hungry Hix was yelling at one of her few customers. "Hello, Hungry!" I said, when she was done and the person had left. "Bad crowd today, huh?"
"You are one to talk!" said Hungry. "Always lurking around and causing trouble. Young people these days--no respect for there elders!"
"I do lurk around and cause trouble," I agreed. "But wow! I had never seen someone disrespect you like that. Why do you let people that diesrespectful to you  in your place? I would kick them right out."
"You are right," Hungry said. "I should kick them out!"
"If you ask me, there should be no non-paying customers in this place, eithier." she said. "But Jake lets them come in and eat our food anyway."
"Non-payinng customers?" I asked. "I have never heard of such a thing! Listen, can I use your bathroom?"
"It despends," said Hungry. "Will you be a customer--a paying customer--when you get out?"
"Of course," I said, and Hungry nodded. I had to agree with her about one thing, it was terrible when people use the bathroom at a shop and buy nothing. I saw a sign that said 'restroom' and an arrow pointing in one direction, I followed it and it was one stall, which was perfect, I opend the letter and read it.
Dear Ellington
I trust that you have gotten the letter safely? All of the help Mrs. Sallis, who is the most recent person other then you to help, put in should have come in handy. Sadly, I don't think my plan to arrest that horrid boy and his mother worked, but it could have (Just so you know, I was the butler) give me the statue AS SOON YOU GET IT! Don't wait for any reason.
I need it for my plan, which will be histroy without it, if you don't get it then I will have someone else do it, and even though I am using your father for the plan, then I can assure you that I can carry out the plan quite well without him. So, if you can't get the statue and give it to me soon then someone else will get it and that will be it for your father.
I saw you with that boy, and I hope you got the statue from him, because if he has it then all is lost. I hope you are putting hard work into this, the fact that you failed to steal the statue from the Mallahan lighthouds is reason enough to fire you from this job, be happy you are still working with me.
You faher is sfae and sound for now, but soon enough I might change my opinion on your work. I you truely want to get your father home and safe in Killdeer Fields, then you will try harder. I shouldn't let someone so careless work with me, but I need all the workers I can get for now. But remember, that will not always be the case.
Soon enough, people will be tricked, scared, and threatened into joining me, while some will join because they want. And with those followers I won't need hlep from a fool such as yourself. Choose wisely. And I want an account of this case given to a worker of mine who will arrive in a few days, do you understad?'
This letter needs no reply
Hangfire
I rolled my eyes, but my heart was thumping. I let water run on the and envolope until both were destroyed, and then I wrapped them in paperstowels, which I threw away, and exited the bathroom. I went and sat in a booth and Hungry gave a menu. This was getting serious. Hangfire didn't want to keep me around, but he needed my help. And when the day came that he no longer needed it, if I didn't have that statue, I would be in trouble.
I ordered eggs and bacon, though I wasn't hungry. Why did Hangfire need my father? But something else was troubling me. Hangfire was the butler, and I reconized the butler as someone else. No, I thought, It couldnt't be. It was dark and you had him on your mind. I knew very well that couldn't be him, but I was scared anyway. I was only working with Hangfire because he had my father and if--no. I couldn't them about it.'
I ate my food, payed the bill, thanked Hungry, and left. I couldn't stop thinking about the letter, and about my father and about Hangfire. I wasn't sure where I should go. Somewhere that Snicket had little to no chance of being at. I didn't need where he was likely of going, I hardly knew him, but I knew of one place where I would be more or less alone, and that he couldn't just walk into.
I wondered if he got the package yet and if he knew I was lying to him, but I wanted to see him yet again, even though he probably hated me, but I wanted too. I wondered what S. Theodora Markson who, no matter what Hangfire thought, wasn't his mother thought of what he did. From how he descirbed her, she didn't seem to be the best chaprone in the world.
I knew that he didn't seem like the type who could be easily tricked, but I seemed to have fooled. Gee, nice joob Ellington, you fooled Lemony Snicket. Now all you have to do is get the statue, give it too Hangfire, get your father back, and defeat an evil villain. Great job! I was right, one thing oof my bucket list, the easiest one.
I didn't know where to find what I was looking for, but I didn't think it would be hard. Stain'd-by-the-sea was not a big town. I circled through the populared part of Stain'd-by-the-sea, I saw a store called Chrysanthemums that seemed to be a flower shop, inside a woman seemed to be calling someone, and on a chair I saw a girl who looked a litle younger then I was reading a book and pretending not to hear.
I walked past Swords and I saw a man leading his son off away, both of them looked annoyed. They next entered a store called Boards. I saw a boy about my age underneath a car, he seeemed to be repairing it, an elderly man was talking to him and looked as if he didn't plan on stopping anytime soon, and a dog was next to the boy and was barking.
I was not happy to be in this town, I would have preferred to be in Killdeer Fields with my father, but as I walked along the streets I decided that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't so bad. I walked past that store Cozys', and I saw an elderly woman talking to a boy and girl, they looked the same age, which was a good bit older then I saw, and they looked quite alike. But perhaps it was just because they both had smiles that could mean nothing good.
I walked past the Swister Pharmacy, and it looked just as mysterious as it always did. I walked past a butcher's shop, and there was a man frowning and yellling at a boy that looked a litter younger and was a lot shorter then I was. I walked a vet's office, and there was a boy a little younger then I was, maybe a little older then Pip and Squeak, holding a cat that was hissing at him.
I didn't think it was that bad here in Stain'd-by-the-sea. I walked into the main part of town, with cracked windows and boarded up shops, and was keeping my head low as I walked past Lost Arms when I found what I was looking for all this time. I approched the dented yellow taxi cab and knocked on the window.
Pip opened the door and tipped his too large conducter hat at me. "Hello, Ellington. How did it go?"
"Alright," I said, and walked into the seat next to the Belleropon brothers.
==Chapter Nine==
"Where should we take you?" asked Pip.
I paused. "Could you just drive me around the ouskirts of town for half an hour or so?"
"That's a strange request," Squeak said.
"I have a good tip ready," I promised, and I did.
"I have a better idea," Pip said. "We take you, but instead of suggesting a book for us to read or not read, you tell us about what happened with the statue."
I looked at Pip. "Fine," I said. "I guess that's fair." Squeak hit the gas and off we went.
"A boy a little older then us named Snicket said that he wanted to go Handkerchief Heights," Squaak said.
"What did you tell him?" I asked.
"That nobody was there, of course." Pip said. "We did promise to keep the secret, after all."
"Well," Squeak said. "What happened with the stealing?"
"I was about to break in," I said, "But I saw somebody else about to. So I ran back to the cottage and watched with my binoculars. This woman and this boy went out on a hawser with the statue, but the police started coming to the boy dropped into the tree in my front yard,"
"It's not really your yard," Squeak pointed out.
I kept going. "And so I took the ladder from the cottage and dragged it over to the tree and help him down, he told me that his name was Lemony Snicket,"
"Same one that we drove around," Pip said. "Was he supposed to me meeting you there?"
"Something like that," I said. "And so I brought him the cottage and made coffee,"
"He drinks the stuff?" asked Squeak. "We saw him looking at some coffee grounds and he didn't look happy."
"No, he doesn't," I said. "And I am getting to the part about the grounds."
"You know he has them?" asked Pip.
"Yes," I replied. "So anyway, as it turns out, he was hired to return the statue to its rightful owners, he thinks the rightful owners are the Mallahans, because it was all dusty and Moxie, the child of the lighthouse owner, said so. But S. Theodora Markson, his chaprone and the woman he was with, thought it was the Sallis family. So, they were stealing it to return it. Does that make sense?"
"In a manner of speaking," Squeak squeaked,
while Pip's response was simply "Nope."
"So, I told him about my father," I said. "And the police came. Before they came he had an agreement, I would mail him the statue and I would also mail something to myself. Well, I thought about it while he talked to the police, who bicker a lot."
"The officers Mitcum," Squeak replied. "They have been here a while, and they are terrible."
"Yeah," Pip agreed. "But they are better then Stew."
"I second that opinion," I said. "Anyway, I thought long and hard about it, but I really need the statue or Hangfire will kill my father."
"I think I know how this is going to end," Pip said, I couldn't tell if he was speaking to me or to his older brother.
It felt like a worse thing to do now that I was saying it out loud. "I-I switched the packages," I said. "I mailed coffee grounds to him and the statue to myself."
"Well, I guess he wasn't that happy." Pip said. "But you were desperate."
"Do you still live at Handkerchief Heights?" Squeak asked.
"I had to leave," I said. "I live at Black Cat Cofee for the time being."
"Is that allowed?" Pip asked. 
"Is stealing allowed?" I asked.
"Have you heard from Hangfire lately?" asked Squeak.
"Sure," I said. "I got a letter from him earlier."
"What did it say?" Pip asked.
It wasn't his business, but I had no reason to keep it from him. "He was pretty mad. He told me to mail the statue as soon as I can, and that he needed me to get the statue know because he didn't have many followers, but he would soon and that once he did he wouldn't need me anymore and that.....and that if I hadn't given him the statue by then, then he would.....would...then he would kill my father." I said the last part quickly to get it over with, and then I bit my lip.
Squeak slammed on the brakes and Pip pulled onto the side of the road. "Ellington," he said. "Ellington! He's....he's ruthless!"
I took off the mask, finally, and and Squeak nodded. "If he is willing to murder someone just because you don't get a statue then...then he is terrible! You can't help him."
"I have too, Pip and Squeak," I said. "He will kill my father."
"The statue doesn't have any value," Pip said. "Squeak and I researched it in the library. Hangfire must know that, and if he still wants it, then who knows what idea he might have for it?"
"I am not just going to walk into the sunset with my father and return to Killdeer Fields!" I said. "I am going to stick around and help defeat him."
"How?" Pip asked.
"I don't know yet." I said, "But I will try to think of a way."
"Well, if you do, then I am willing to help." Pip said.
"Me too!" Squeak squeaked. "But I don't know how."
"There are so many people in the world," Pip said. "Out of all of them, why did Hangfire pick your father to kidnap? Was it just so that you would help him? I don't think you have ever stolen anything before, have you?"
"No," I said. "This is the first time. He needs my father for somethig, but he said that he could get by without him if I fail to bring the statue."
"What did your father do for a living?" Squeak asked. "If you don't mind me asking."
"It's fine." I said. "He studied rare plants and animals."
"Dangerous plants?" asked Pip.
"Any kind other then that," I said. "He didn't want to get involved with dangerous plants."
"What about animals?" Squeak asked. "What sort of beasts did he study?"
I flinched. I knew that Squeak wasn't trying to be insulting, and that a 'beast' was just another way of referring to an animal, but I couldn't help but get annoyed hearing. My father hated it when people called animals 'beasts' and I did too, and still I do today. "Safe ones," I said.
"So that rules out that he is trying to use your father to get a dangerous plant or animal," Pip said. "Does he know how to study dangerous plants and animals?"
"He made sure that he didn't know how." I said. "So no, he doesn't know how."
Pp and Squeak started driving again. "Maybe Hangfire doesn't know that." Squeak replied.
"Maybe,"I said. "But I think he would have noiticed by now, after six months."
"Does anybody know what you are up to other then the people in this taxi?" Pip asked.
It was a scary though to think that the only people that knew what I was up to, the only people I could trust, could fit in a taxi cab. "Snicket kind of knows," I said, but there was many seats in the back of the cab.
"I don't think three and half people can defeat Hangfire," said Squeak.
"Four and a half once I have my father," I said. "But anyway, it will be hard but we can do it. Aside from myself, the person I know of helping him with his plans is Mrs. Sallis."
"Mrs. Sallis?" asked Pip. "But I thought she left town a while go."
"I saw her butler yesterday, I mean he was Hangfire, but she was still in the house."
"Perhaps she returned when she started working with him," Squeak suggested.
"That is probably what happened, Squeak." I said.
"If you need to us again after hours," Pip said. "We park this thing in the back or Partial Foods for the night, so if we are not there after 8:00pm, when are workday ends, that means we are driving someone for the last time that day and will be back soon. I have a feeling that this will become dangerous and we will need to see each other a lot."
"And don't tell anyone about this," Squeak replied. "Other then your father, and Snicket if you want."
"I wouldn't dream of telling anyone else." I said. "But Pip and Squeak, I might not be on the right side for awhile. I want to help defeat Hangfire, but I need to get my father back, and I will do anything and everything to succeed."
"Of course," Pip said. "Squeak and I would do anything and everything for our father to get better, it is just what you have to do."
"Just be very careful, Ellington Feint." Squeak said, as they pulled over. "What you are doing is dangerous."
"Helping me is dangerous too." I said, as I got out. "Be careful yourselves, Pecuchet and Bouvard Belleropen." They nodded and drove away, I didn't think that Pip and Squeak were being honest about there father being sick, but he was't alongside them, I knew that for sure, and they weren't unlike me, they just didn't have a way to get him back.
==Chapter Ten==
It seemd as if a good first course of action would be to walk in the direction of the library, and when I got there Dashiell Qwerty was adding some books about chemistry into a certion section. "Hello. Ellington." Qwerty said. "Can I help you with anything?"
"Yes, please." I said. "Did you hear anything about my request?"
"I just mailed it." said Qwerty. "But that man Armstrong I told you about sent in a request for the same place, which I was about to mail would you be instrested in viewing it?" 
"You don't think he would mind?" I asked.
"No," said Qwerty. "I think he would be happy."
"Alright, then." I said. 
"The author's name is I.M Fine. And the book is called For Now."
"The title sounds very futuristic." I said. "I have heard of the author, though. I think his full name is Issac Micheal Fine."
"Probably." said Qwerty. "You can request more then one book at a time, by the way."
"There is a book I have really wanted to read, that I haven't seen here. I would like to request that one to the Killdeer Public Library, if you don't mind."
"Sure thing," said Qwerty, and he wrote a few things down on a request paper. "The author's name and the book title?"
"The author's name is Gabriella Raquel Eate But she goes by G.R Eate."
"How does she spell her last name?" asked Qwerty.
"E.A.T.E" I said.
"And the book title?" asked Qwerty.
"Things Are Going Fine For Me As Well!" I said.
"Is that a children's book?" asked Qwerty
"I don't think so," I said. "A bit to....happy....for a kids book. Maybe an adult romantic comady."
"Maybe," said Qwerty. "Well, I hope you enjoy it none the less." 
I nodded, thanked him, and went to look at some books. I found a book called To Kill A Mockingbird it was older, but good, I had read it once before. I read it for awhile, I was thinking about Pip and Squeak--I wondered the truth about their fathr, I didn't know much, but I didn't think he was sick.
Whatever happened to him, he wasn't coming back. Pip and Squeak knew as much, I was sure. But they weren't telling people. Or, perhaps, they were refusing to think it was true.
Even though the library was great, I was hardly thinking about books that day. I was thinking about Snicket and I was thinking about Hangfire. I knew the right thing to do, but I was failing to do it because I was doing something else--it wasn't great, but it appared to be the only way I could save my father.
I looked at Qwerty. How much did he know? He acted, of course, as if he knew a lot. But I wasn't sure if that was the case, or if perhaps he was just really good at pretending. He surely must have noiticed something about the made-up book titles, it was clear what I was doing, but he was rolling with it. Perhaps he was just to nice to say anything, or maybe he just really wanted to help.
In any case, the people at the Killdeer Public Library must have been really confused. It had been awhile, I was ready to do and have lunch but I wasn't sure where it would be safe. I decided to skip it, I could have dinner at Black Cat Coffee--I was low on cash and needed to save what I had. Anyway, maybe I could stop at Gourds, at store that I saw in the crowded parts of Stain'd-by-the-sea.
I wondered if the statue had arrived yet, I wanted to check, but I didn't want to risk bumping into Hangfire, for he didn't seem like the type who would be okay with that. I decided to wait. I reread the book about the small creature who goes on an adventure with dwarves, and the book about the pirates and the young boy who joins them. I also read the book I suggested to Pip and Squeak by that same author.
I read the story of Hansel and Gretel, and I didn't like it. Then I looked at Little Red Riding Hood and liked it about as much. Then I read about Cinderella, Snow White, The Sleeping Beauty, and wondered if any fairytale would have characters that were female who did more then stand around, it seemed unlikely and that annoyed me.
I read the books about the super-smart detective and his loyal friend, the characters weren't any better this time. And then I read the other  mysteries about a different detective and his different friend, and found this much more insteresting and clever. The one about the strange dinner party with the four detectives and four suspected murderers as the guests, but the one on the train was good, too.
All of them were good, and I liked them. Next, I read the classic play about the man who is driven insane by his wife that was written by the scandinavian playwright, and then the somewhat similar play about the woamn who figures out how terrible her marrige is, so ends it, it wasn't as good but wasn't bad.
I read the play by the really famous playwright about the cousins that go into the woods in disguises and the man who goes into the woods as well because he was persecuted by his older brother, I found it delightful. I also read the one about the people so madly in love and end up killing themselves, I felt bad for them and didn't love the play, I also read the one about the man who's father was killed by his uncle, and found it long but good, and the one about the awesome woman and her brother who is going to get beheaded. It was great.
And last I read the one about the dumb king with three daughters, two evil one good. Then I ran out of things to read and decided that I should that I should leave the library. I was on my way out when Qwerty stopped me.
"Do you plan on staying in Stain'd-by-the-sea for a long time?" he asked.
I nodded, it seemd likely enough. "I think so," I said. 
"Six months or more, do you think?" asked Qwerty.
"Probably," I said, honestly. "But I can't be sure."
"Then I can sign you up for a library card," Qwery offered. "But you can still request books for the Killdeer Public Library."
"Sure," I said. "Are you sure I can?"
Qwerty nodded and grabbed the fourm, he took a pen and handed both to me. "I will have to get it swapped for a real card when you are done, but that will take awhile so you can just use that for now." I thanked him and filled out the fourm.
"Do you ever go to Black Cat Coffee?" I asked, handing him the fourm.
"Yes," said Qwery. "But rarely, why?"
"Does it have an owner?" I asked, just in case.
"It used too," said Qwerty. "But that was before I came to town. The owners moved to a town that is not too far from here, but decided not to close shop."
"Did any other places do that?" I asked.
"None that I am awhere of," said Qwerty. "But if this library ever closes fully, I plan on doing that."
"How long have you worked here?" I asked.
"Over a decade," Qwerty said. "I was almost asked to leave, but thankfully something came up and I have to stay."
"What happened?" I asked.
"I was needed in Stain'd-by-the-sea, at least for a few more months." Qwerty said.
"Why were you needed?" I asked.
"The company I work with gave me an extra job," said Qwerty. "If I refused, they would have sent someone else to do it."
"Did the company make you a sub-librarian?" I asked.
"It suggested me," said Qwerty. "And made me a possible canidate."
"Have you ever been a sub-librarian at a different place?" I asked.
"No," said Qwerty. "And I don't plan on being one at a different place, but I do like it."
"Do some places have more then one sub-librarian?" I asked.
"I don't know," said Qwerty. "But it isn't too hard running this place alone."
"What are the library's exact hours?" I asked, so I would know when to come.
"Dawn to dusk," said Qwerty. "Open three-hundred and sixty-five days a year, but the place that recruited me made me close on leap-day when it rolls around every four years."
"Why?" I asked, it seemed like a random date.
Qwerty shrugged. "Beats me," he said. "I objected to it, people should never have to wait more then twenty-four hours to get a piece of infomation."
"I agree," I said. "Well, I need to go. See you later, Qwerty."
"See you later!" he said and waved.
I left the place thought about Qwerty, he was a good sub-librarian. Why not just make him a full one?
Next, I walked over to Gourds and got an orange and it in my bag, and then I started to walk back to Black Cat Coffee, I entered the long, narrow building and pressed the A button, I climbed the ladder and searched for a package addressed to Black Cat Coffee from Handkerchief Heights, I found it, but when I pulled it open there was nothing. I stared at the package, as emty and hollow the Bombinating Beast's eyes---there was nothing in it.
The building shook and I heard the door to the attic open, I turned and then someone climbed up it. And I saw face-to-face with the person I wanted to see the least. "Lemony Snicket," I said.
==Chapter Eleven==
"I know," I said, before he could say anything, "You are wondering how I could have possibly stolen the statue from you, well it was stolen from me as well."
"I know," said Snicket. "I took it."
I turned to look at him. "Then you have to give it me!" I said. "I need it, Mr. Snicket, I need it to save my faher."
"We can think of another way," Snicket replied. "You can't give Hangfire what he wants, Ms. Feint."
"Where did you hide it?" I asked, but Snicket shook his head.
"How long have you been working with him?" asked Snicket. "Do you have any idea what his plans are?"
"A few days now," I said. "And no I don't."
Snicket paused. "I hid it in the library, in the books I thought no one would check out. The library is closed now, we can get it tomrorrow. But I promised to return the statue to it's rightful owners."
"You also promised to help me," I reminded him.
"And I will," Snicket replied. "I just think that we think of another to do it."
"If I don't get that statue to Hangfire, he will have someone else do it," I said. "And then you know what will happen to ny father."
"But it doesn't matter, Ms. Feint," said Snicket. "We can think of something else."
"You and S. Theodora Markson?" I had to ask.
"I have other assocites." Snicket replied. "Better ones."
"What does the S stand for, Mr. Snicket?" I asked. 
"She won't tell me," said Snicket.
"Did you kidnap you or something?" I asked.
"No," Snicket replied. "I chose her, but I was almost kidnapped just so that I wouldn't be near her, Ms. Feint."
"What is she teaching you to do, Mr. Snicket?" I asked. 
"Things I already know how to do," said Snicket. "Things she doesn't know, Ms. Feint."
"You didn't know about Hangfire before you met me, did you?" I asked.
"No," Snicket replied. "But I knew something was wrong with this town, and I think it has been wrong before Hangfire, and will be after he's defeated."
"After he's defeated?" I asked. "Don't you think that is a little optimistic, we don't have a plan yet to defeat him."
"We are taught to always squeak as if we will win in my orginazation, Ms. Feint."  Snicket said.
"And what, Mr. Snicket, do you think of that?" I asked.
"I have think it's nonsense," Snicket replied. "But that is what I was taught to do."
"Would you prefer do have been kidnapped, and to have been brought somewhere else?" I asked.
"No," Snicket replied. "I am needed here, but there is someone I was supposed to help back in the city."
"Another associte of yours?" I aksed.
"Yes," Snicket replied. "But she's more then that--she's my sister."
"She is in your orginazation as well?" I gathered.
"For twelve years now," Snicket replied. "Since I was an infant."
We climbed down the ladder, it had gotten dark already, so Snicket was right--the library was closed, and we would have to wait until tomorrow to get that statue. I looked at Snicket, we would get it, though. Somehow. "What do your parents think of this?" I asked. "You and your sister in the orginazation?"
"My brother is in it, too." Snicket replied. "And I am not sure, the last time I saw them it wasn't really them."
"Did that have to do with your kidnapping?"
"Yes," Snicket replied. "I think perhaps they were invloved, or maybe they were kidnapped and taken somewhere else. But whichever, the people I was with were not them."
"Someone was impersonating them, so that you wouldn't come here?"
"Yes," Snicket replied. "I think indeed that was there plan, Ms. Feint."
"Well, Mr. Snicket," I said, "How were they planning on doing it?"