We Lied, That Wasn't The Final Debate Episode

We Lied, That Wasn't The Final Debate Episode is the fourth episode of season four, and the thirty-first episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on January 13, 2021.
== Plot==
Due to the death of Mr. Sanders, a vacancy in the Senate has been created. Mrs. Plankton and Mr. Bass both enter the Libtertarian primary for the seat and debate one another on the future of the party. Afterwards, Democratic candidates Mr. Tentacles and Mr. Apple have a similar debate on the future of their party.
==Transcript==
Mr. Chillyrooster: With Vermont senator Bernie Sanders having been confirmed to have not been revived, a new special election has been scheduled to fill the vacancy. Former Libertarian presidential candidate Karen Plankton has jumped into the race, wanting to reclaim her party’s mantle from the extremist wing. However, Bubble Bass, a local pro-pedophilia activist has thrown his hat into the ring as well, claiming that he wants to prevent a hostile takeover of the party from centrists like Karen. Today we present you a debate from two people with very different visions for the party. First up: Karen Plankton. 
[Mrs. Plankton enters the stage]
Mr. Chillyrooster: And next up: Bubble Bass! 
[Mr. Bass enters the stage to applause]
Mr. Chillyrooster: First question. Mr. Bass, Mr. Renaud garnered just 1% of the vote in this year’s presidential election, falling short of the 5% mark he was aiming for. Considering his failure, isn’t it time for the Libertarian Party to move in a new direction?
Mr. Bass: I find the suggestion that we should throw vulnerable populations under the bus for political expediency to be absolutely detestable. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Civil rights protestors didn’t get their demands immediately met right away, it took time. 
Mr. Chillyrooster: But Mr. Bass, the Libertarian Party opposed the Civil Rights Act. 
Mr. Bass: Well I didn’t say their demands were good ones, I just said they didn’t get immediately met right away. 
Mr. Chillyrooster: Are you saying their demands weren’t good?
Mr. Bass: Well, their entire movement was aimed at stripping people of their private private rights, so I’d say yes. Deeply unjust. 
[cut to Mr. Pepperchicken and Mr. Banana, who are watching the debate together]
Both: Now this guy knows what he’s talking about! 
[cut to Mrs. Plankton]
Mrs. Plankton: This kind of extremism is exactly why our party failed to go anywhere in this year’s election. 
Mr. Bass: Extremist? You’re the extremist! Why, you support stripping minor attracted people of their basic fish rights!
Mrs. Plankton: This notion that I oppose MAP rights is such a blatant lie by my opponent. He knows he can’t win on the merits, so he resorts to making things up. Here’s the reality: I’ve been consistently vocal in my support for lowering the age of consent to 16. That’s the age fish finish sexually developing, so it only stands to reason that’s the age they should be able to engage in sexual activity.
Mr. Bass: That’s the problem! They’ve finished sexually developing! They’re basically like adults at that point! What’s the point in even fucking them then?! 
Mr. Chillyrooster: Moving onto the next topic, taxation.
Mrs. Plankton: I support drastically reducing the tax code. The only things our taxes should be funding are the military, roads, crucial services. They should not be going toward the government's pet projects, like making sure poor people don’t die. 
Mr. Bass: [spits out water] WHAT?! I can not believe it! Why, this woman is endorsing armed robbery! Taxation is THEFT! To all you folks listening from home, imagine how much better society would be if we all got to spend our own many instead of the government! 
[cut to the comic book shop]
Mr. Bass: Hooray! Now that the government’s been abolished, I can spend my money on what REALLY matters - these premium Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy figurines - rather than stupid stuff like regulation of pollution levels! 
[cut back to debate] 
Mrs. Plankton: Look, I just support reducing the role of government just as much as anyone, but we need to have some sort of-
Mr. Bass: Nope. 
Mr. Chillyrooster: Now onto the final topic of the night, abortion rights. Where do you stand?
Mrs. Plankton: I am pro-choice. The government should not have the ability to interfere in personal decisions such as these. 
Mr. Bass: I think abortion should be banned. 
Mrs. Plankton: Really? All night you’ve been accusing me of not being a pure enough libertarian, only for you yourself to turn around and endorse the government restriction of people’s rights?
Mr. Bass: Your rights end when others’ rights begin. Libertarianism is all about protecting one’s individual freedoms, and abortion violates perhaps the most sacred freedom of them all. 
Mr. Chillyrooster: Life?
Mr. Bass: No! Fucking children! 
Mr. Chillyrooster: Well folks, we’re going to have to leave it there. Be sure to tune in afterwards for the Democratic debate, in which candidates Mr. Tentacles and Mr. Apple will have a similar debate over the future of the party. 
[Mr. Bass and Mrs. Plankton exit the stage, followed by Mr. Tentacles and Mr. Apple entering.]
Mr. Chillyrooster: And here we have it, the Democratic candidates for the seat. Mr. Tentacles has been endorsed by the seat’s previous occupant, Mr. Sanders, whereas Mr. Apple has been endorsed by gynecologist and former Biden 2020 campaign manager Mr. Banana. Make your pitches, you two. 
Mr. Tentacles: Well you know, Mr. Chillyrooster, this state overwhelmingly voted to elect Mr. Sanders in 2018. They’ve made clear what they want, and as he has endorsed me, I think I’m clearly the candidate best positioned to fulfill his legacy. 
Mr. Chillyrooster: Mr. Apple, what do you say?
Mr. Apple: I say that’s a bunch of malarkey! Fulfilling that hook-nosed communist’s legacy is the exact opposite of what we should be doing! We should be filling the legacy of productivity instead! 
Mr. Tentacles: My opponent’s vision of “productivity” is nothing more than a dystopian nightmare in which regular folks work the longest hours of any nation in the ocean for the lowest wages of any nation in the ocean. There will be no breaks, no friends, no fun, nothing. 
Mr. Apple: I don’t see the issue. 
Mr. Chillyrooster: Next question, what are your views on the Israel/Pale-
Mr. Apple: Don’t even mention Palestine…
Mr. Chillyrooster: -stine conflict.
Mr. Apple: YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT AGAIN!
Mr. Tentacles: I think we should cut aid to Israel and all other fish rights violators. 
Mr. Chillyrooster: Mr. Apple, do you support cutting aid to fish rights violators?
Mr. Apple: Nope. 
[cut to Mr. Pepperchicken and Mr. Putin, who are watching the debate from Shell City]
Mr. Pepperchicken: Gee, I’m not sure who to rig it for. This Tentacles guy supports cutting aid to Israel, but he’s fine with the Jews! Meanwhile, Mr. Apple is a vicious anti-semite, but he’s for Israel! 
Mr. Putin: Neither, Timothy. Neither. The lesser evil is still evil. 
[cut back to debate] 
Mr. Chillyrooster: Do you support Medicare For All?
Mr. Apple: No. 
Mr. Tentacles: No. 
Mr. Apple: Finally, something you’re right on! At least if you end up winning, you won’t be as bad as Hook-Nosed Bernie. 
Mr. Tentacles: Medicare For All doesn’t go nearly far enough. What we really need is a National Health Service. The entire pharmaceutical industry should be nationalized. 
Mr. Apple: WH- YOU IDIOT! 
Mr. Chillyrooster: While you two may differ on a lot of issues, the one thing you agree on is a federal jobs guarantee. Speak on that a bit. 
Mr. Tentacles: Well, it’s simple, Mr. Chillyrooster. If you want to work, you should be able to work. 
Mr. Apple: Who said anything about wanting to work? Everyone should be given a job by the government, regardless of whether they want it or not! The jobs will be 24/7, with no vacations or breaks! And all the blueberries will be assigned to a very special job...A very special job indeed...Ooh, that’s right…
Mr. Tentacles: [blinks]
Mr. Chillyrooster: Welp, we’ll have to leave it there. Thanks for tuning it, folks!
[the camera shuts off]
==Trivia==
*This episodes takes place prior to "A No Malarkey Christmas".
*This marks the debut of Mr. Apple.
*The title is a reference to "The Final Debate Episode".