CTR: Crash Team Racing script

This page is comprised of transcriptions of all the cutscenes in CTR: Crash Team Racing.
Notes:
*Each cutscene is in chronological order of appearance in regular gameplay.
===Opening===
[A checkered flag flies by the screen, revealing a meadow by the side of Coco Park. The camera pans to the left, showing a wooden sign that reads: "RACE TODAY! - TROPHY PRIZE EACH TRACK!". The camera pans further left, showing a track with a few racers racing on it. Suddenly, a mysterious voice is heard, emitting from several speakers floating above the track.]
???: "Greetings, creatures of this planet! I come to compete!"
[In space, not far from Earth, an alien space ship arrives. Nitros Oxide is shown sitting in the cockpit of the ship, fiddling with the controls.]
Nitros Oxide: "So, you pesky earth slugs like to race, ay? Ehehehehehaha! Well I, Nitros Oxide, am the fastest racer in the galaxy. I travel the stars looking for creatures to test my skills. It's a little game I call 'Survival of the Fastest'. Here's the way we play: I challenge the best driver of your world to a race for the planet. If your driver wins, I'll leave your miserable little rock alone. But if I win, I'll turn your entire globe into a concrete parking lot, and make you my slaves! Ahahahahahahah!"
[Oxide emerges from his ship in his hovercraft, flying down to Earth towards the Wumpa Islands.]
Oxide: "Get ready to race for the fate of your planet!"
[On Earth, Coco is sat next to her kart, which is attached to her laptop with a cable. Pura is laying beside her. She types on her laptop for a bit.]
[A fly-by view of Dingo Canyon is shown.]
[In a jungle area, armed with a hammer, Tiny is stood next to his kart. He roars loudly, then begins to smash his kart with the hammer.]
[A fly-by view of Polar Pass is shown.]
[In an icy cave, Polar is sat on his kart, trying to read a book on how to drive, but failing to hold it the right way up. Penta Penguin is stood behind him.]
[A fly-by view of Tiger Temple is shown.]
[Underground in a mine, Dingodile is attempting to upgrade his kart. He uses a screwdriver to tighten a screw on the back, only for the exhaust pipe to blast in his face, burning it. He glances at the camera.]
[A fly-by view of Hot Air Skyway is shown.]
[In his lab, Cortex laughs evilly as a machine zaps his kart, which is raised on a table.]
[A fly-by view of Sewer Speedway is shown.]
[In an open field, Crash is sprawled on his back next to his kart, snoring loudly. A checkered flag flies over the screen, ending the cutscene.]
===Ripper Roo's challenge===
[Ripper Roo is sat in his kart in front of his boss door. His maniacal laughter is translated into speech by subtitles.]
Ripper Roo: "You crazy enough to race me? I'll show you wild driving! Last once across the finish line is a rotten brain!"
===Ripper Roo's defeat===
Ripper Roo: "You are crazier than me! Have a key. Good luck! You'll need it!"
===Papu Papu's challenge===
[Papu Papu is sat in his kart in front of his boss door.]
Papu Papu: "Papu much tired of watching puny slugs race so slow! Papu want in action, to lay boom down big! And prove Papu is world's best driver. Papu move so fast, you munch tracks."
===Papu Papu's defeat===
Papu Papu: "Ugh... Papu not himself today... Maybe Papu not eating a big breakfast. You are fast for being so small. Here is key to help. Oxide much bigger problem for you. Him not as big, but him much more grumpy."
===Komodo Joe's challenge===
[Komodo Joe is sat in his kart in front of his boss door.]
Komodo Joe: "Ssso, you've beaten all the other raccersss on these tracksss. Well, now you'll ssssee why I'm the most feared driver on the cccircuit. I'll earn the right to face Oxide by crusshing you into brake dussst. Let'sss raccce..."
===Joe's defeat===
Joe: "You're not so slow after all. Surprisssed me, you did. Here'sss a key for the win. Ssstill, I think you're not fassst enough to out-race Oxide. We're going to lossse our planet, and it will all be your fault!"
===Pinstripe Potoroo's challenge===
[Pinstripe is sat in his kart in front of his boss door.]
Pinstripe: "Wha, you call that racin'? Forget about it! If youse gonna face Oxide, youse gonna hafta get past me foist! I'm the speed champeen here, and I'm gonna save da world... for a sizeable fee, of course! Hhhhahahahaha!"
===Pinstripe's defeat===
Pinstripe: "So, youse beat me fair and square. I doubt you'll be as lucky with Oxide. Here's a key for ya troubles. Oh, brother..."
===Oxide's challenge===
[Oxide is sat in his hovercraft in front of his boss door.]
Oxide: "Well, the little terra vermin has finally collected all the trophies to become world champion. What took you so long? Now we prove who the fastest driver really is!"
===Oxide's defeat===
[Oxide flies back to his ship in his hovercraft. Sat at the controls once more, he screams in frustration.]
Oxide: "AHHHH! I can't believe you beat me! I never lose! How embarrassing. I'll be the laughing stock of all Gasmoxia! Fine. Your miserable planet stays gushy and green. At least you still haven't gathered all my Time Relics. Until you've collected all of those, and race me again, you'll never be able to claim you are the fastest! This won't be the last time you'll face Nitros Oxide! We will meet again!"
===All relics gathered===
Oxide: "So, you're back, and you've gathered all my Time Relics. I'm impressed! Well, it's about time I taught you a real lesson in speed! This race is for keeps!"
===Oxide's final defeat===
[Oxide flies back to his ship in his hovercraft. Sat at the controls once again, he screams, infuriated.]
Oxide: "AAAAAHH! You beat me once again! Now I have to go back to the planet Gasmoxia a complete loser! I must be getting slow in my old age... That's it. I'm finished racing in these mushy backward worlds. Keep your miserable planet! I'm outta here for good!"
===Epilogues/Credits sequence===
[A series of epilogues, detailing what each character does after the end of the game, begins to play, along with the character in question doing their victory animation next to the text with confetti in the background. Credits scroll by to the left.]
[Crash's says: "CRASH SOLD HIS LIFE'S STORY TO A MAJOR MOVIE STUDIO. THE FILM ENTITLED 'THE COLOR ORANGE' WILL BE RELEASED FOR THE CHRISTMAS SEASON." "CRASH CAN NOW BE FOUND SOMEWHERE ON A BEACH DOWN UNDER, DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST..." "DANCING AND NAPPING!"]
[Cortex's says: "N. CORTEX WENT BACK TO SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH AND DISCOVERED A NEW ELEMENT IN THE PERIODIC TABLE." "NUMEROUS LAW SUITS FAILED TO CHANGE THE NAME HE BOLDLY CHOSE FOR ELEMENT 117..." "CORTEXRULESTHEWORLDIUM"]
[Tiny's says: "TINY TIGER MOVED TO BEVERLY HILLS AND FOUNDED THE POPULAR CHAIN OF PAIN 'N GAIN FITNESS CLUBS." "HIS TINY-BO EXERCISE VIDEO MADE MILLIONS OF INFOMERCIALS AROUND THE GLOBE."]
[Coco's says: "COCO WENT ON TO START HER OWN INTERNET DATING SERVICE." "ALTHOUGH HER COMPANY IS STILL IN THE RED, SHARE PRICES ARE GOING THROUGH THE ROOF!"]
[Doctor N. Gin's says: "N. GIN OPENED A CUSTOM AUTO PARTS STORE IN TOLEDO, OHIO." "THE STORE CLOSED AFTER A MASSIVE RECALL WHEN HIS PATENTED 'CLEAR-THE-ROAD' MISSILE SYSTEM SPARKED HAVOC ON THE NATION'S FREEWAYS."]
[Dingodile's says: "DINGODILE WENT ON TO FOUND AN ANIMAL BREEDING PROGRAM FOR THE CREATION OF UNIQUE AND INTERESTING PETS." "HIS MOTTO 'COMBINE THEM ALL' SPURRED SUCH SUCCESSES AS THE GIR-BAT, KANGA-ROOSTER, AND DINGO-RILLA."]
[Polar's says: "POLAR BECAME THE HEAD TASTE TESTER FOR A LEADING ICE CREAM COMPANY." "BOLD NEW FLAVORS OKAYED FOR PRODUCTION INCLUDE SALMON SWIRL, SQUISHY SQUID SUNDAE, AND MACKEREL MINT."]
[Pura's says: "PURA JOINED THE LAS VEGAS TIGER SHOW OF ZIGFIELD AND FLOYD." "HIS STARRING ROLE CAME TO A DISASTROUS END ONE DAY WHEN PURA ACCIDENTALLY CLOSED HIS MOUTH 'A BIT TOO EARLY.' FLOYD WILL BE SADLY MISSED."]
[Pinstripe's says: "PINSTRIPE BECAME A USED CAR SALESMAN IN NEW JERSEY." "AS TOP SALESMAN EACH MONTH, HE SMIRKS, 'PEOPLE DECIDE ON A CAR QUICKLY ONCE MY TOMMY GUN COMES OUT.'"]
[Papu Papu's says: "PAPU PAPU JOINED THE WILD WRESTLING ASSOCIATION AND CHANGED HIS RING NAME TO MR. BAD BELLY." "HIS SIGNATURE MOVE, THE 'BAD BELLY BOUNCE' WAS FINALLY BANNED BY THE WWA AFTER THREE WRESTLERS SUFFERED SEVERE ROPE FRICTION BURNS."]
[Ripper Roo's says: "RIPPER ROO WAS ELECTED STATE GOVERNOR TO EVERYONE'S SURPRISE." "HIS SLOGAN 'CRAZY IS AS CRAZY DOES!' CREATED A GROUNDSWELL OF PUBLIC SUPPORT, AND EVEN STARTED WHISPERS OF A RUN FOR THE PRESIDENCY."]
[Komodo Joe's says: "KOMODO JOE STARTED HONEST JOE'S WEDDING RING AND RARE GEM OUTLET IN ZURICH." "AFTER A SERIES OF STING OPERATIONS, JOE WAS CONVICTED OF LAUNDERING STOLEN CUBIC ZIRCONIAS FOR THE COUCH SLOUCH SHOPPING NETWORK."]
[N. Tropy's says: "N. TROPY BEGAN TINKERING WITH HIS TIME MACHINE HOBBY AGAIN." "HE WAS LAST SEEN ENTERING A TIME WARP BALL TRAVELLING TO SOME ANCIENT RAIN FOREST. ALAS, RUST IS TIMELESS!"]
[Nitros Oxide's says: "NITROS OXIDE WENT BACK TO THE PLANET GASMOXIA A BROKEN ALIEN." "AFTER YEARS OF THERAPY, OXIDE EMERGED FROM SECLUSION TO BEGIN RACING AGAIN." "UNFORTUNATELY, THE UNICYCLE WAS A POOR VEHICLE CHOICE, AND HIS RESULTING ACCIDENT WAS TOO GRUESOME TO DETAIL HERE."]
[Ami's says: "AMI BECAME A RACE KART DRIVER HERSELF, SAYING 'I'M SICK OF GIVING OUT TROPHIES! I WANT A FEW OF MY OWN!'"]
[Isabella's says: "ISABELLA LANDED A BITPART IN THE SEASON FINALE OF 'BAY WATERS.'"]
[Liz's says: "LIZ POSED FOR BANDIBOY MAGAZINE, BUYING HER DREAM MALIBU MANSION WITH THE EARNINGS."]
[Megumi's says: "MEGUMI SHORTLY UNVEILED HER NEW LINE OF PERFUME CALLED 'ODECOOT' FEATURING THE ALLURING SCENT OF FERMENTED WUMPA FRUIT."]
[A checkered flag covers the screen, ending the credits.]
==Changes made in Crash Team Racing: Nitro-Fueled==
*All voice acting was re-recorded with current voice actors and all music was remade.
*All checkered flag transitions were removed to keep consistent with the game's style.
*The intro sees quite a lot of changes compared to the other Crash games that were remastered.
**Crash, Coco and Cortex are shown racing around Coco Park for a little bit before Nitros Oxide starts talking.
**Rather than sending his voice to Earth through speakers, Nitros Oxide sends down a projector which stops in front of Crash, Coco and Cortex, projecting a hologram of his face speaking to them. Due to this, the trio's reactions to Oxide's speech are shown.
**When speaking in the cockpit, Oxide gestures with his hands as he speaks rather than constantly fiddling with the controls.
**Oxide says he'll make the citizens of Earth his "minions" rather than "slaves".
**Oxide flies towards North America rather than the Wumpa Islands.
**Pura is asleep behind Coco while she types on her laptop. She shouts "Let's go!" and presses a button that makes her kart's engine start, making Pura jump awake.
**Tiny Arena is shown first instead of Dingo Canyon.
**Tiny is trying to carefully hammer a nail into his kart but drops it, making him smash his kart in frustration. He's also doing this somewhere in Tiny Arena rather than in a jungle area.
**Rather than just standing in the background, Penta slaps the book in Polar's paws, flipping it the right way up for him.
**Dingo Canyon is shown before Dingodile's scene instead of Tiger Temple.
**Dingodile is using a blowtorch on the back of his kart rather than a screwdriver. It still blows up in his face, but the explosion lights two nearby drums of petrol. The whole scene also now takes place out the front of a petrol station in Dingo Canyon rather than in a mine.
**Cortex Castle is shown before Cortex's scene instead of Hot Air Skyway.
**Cortex is actually shown pulling the lever to activate the machine that upgrades his kart.
**Crash Cove is shown before Crash's scene rather than Sewer Speedway.
**Crash is asleep beside the track in Crash Cove rather than a random meadow. He swallows a butterfly in his sleep.
*All the boss cutscenes were given a major overhaul to make them more interesting than before. All challenge cutscenes still take place outside their boss doors, but all defeat cutscenes are now set at the finish line of the track you race the boss in question on.
**Ripper Roo's challenge 
***The player character is in their kart outside the boss door, an empty orange kart next to them. Laughter is heard. The camera pans up to show Ripper Roo jumping over cliffs towards the player, ending up on a big pile of TNT Crates, dynamite and Bowling Bombs at the top of the waterfall, where he laughs his first sentence. The explosives go off, sending Ripper Roo flying over to land in his kart. He laughs the rest of his line at the player, then swerves off through his boss door.
***An extra sentence was added to his lines: "I should face Oxide in the big race!"
**Ripper Roo's defeat
***Ripper Roo drives up to where the player is waiting at the finish line, then flips over forwards, falling out of his kart. He starts to choke, then coughs up the boss key, holding it with his tongue.
***An extra sentence was added: "Best get head checked if you think you could beat Oxide!"
**Papu Papu's challenge
***Papu Papu is standing on the seat of his kart, which is being carried by four tribesmen out of the boss door. He gestures wildly with his hands and staff as he speaks, knocking out the tribesmen one by one until the kart is dropped to the ground with no one left to carry it. He throws his staff, which lands on the head of an unfortunate tribesman, then sits down in his kart. His belly presses against the wheel, making the horn honk. He re-adjusts himself to stop the horn from going off, then drives off into the boss door.
**Papu Papu's defeat
***Papu Papu is stood next to his kart next to the finish line. He lifts up his belly, making a bowling bomb, a Missile, a green beaker, a live Chicken and finally a boss key with a doughnut ringed around it. He offers the key to the player, then notices the doughnut. He eats it off the key then throws the key to the player.
**Komodo Joe's challenge
***Joe's boss door slowly opens. Joe's kart, which has a chicken pecking around in front of it, is waiting in front. As Joe's voice is heard, two swords fly towards the kart, stabbing into the snow either side of the chicken, startling it. The chicken runs off, and Joe jumps into frame, landing between the swords. He picks up the swords, starts his kart, then flips it over. He then grinds the blade of one of the swords against a wheel as it starts turning. He kicks the kart hard, flipping it back over, then jumps into the kart, driving through the door.
**Komodo Joe's defeat
***Komodo Joe drives over to where the player's character is waiting, just past the finish line. He disappears from his kart in a puff of magenta smoke, then reappears next to it, brandishing a sword. He waves his hand behind the blade, producing his boss key from thin air. He drops the key on the ground in front of the player, disappearing once again as his voice echoes ominously.
**Pinstripe's challenge
***Pinstripe's boss door slowly opens, smoke emitting from it as the player's character waits outside. Bullets spray from the haze, each missing the player. Pinstripe emerges from the smoke, Tommy gun in his hands. He blows on the muzzle, then pulls a bomb from behind his back. He throws the bomb next to the player where it detonates, then drives off into his boss door.
**Pinstripe's defeat
***Pinstripe is sat in his kart facing away from the player. He gets up out of his seat, then turns to his kart and deflates one of the tires, glancing around mischievously. He glances over his shoulder as the player, snickering slyly. He stands up, hiding what's in his hands, but turns and offers it to the player, revealing it to be his boss key.
**Oxide's challenge is actually largely the same, except for Oxide being shown flying down from his ship in his hovercraft at the beginning, and flying through his boss door at the end.
**Oxide's defeat is very similar, but it now features Oxide talking to Crash and Coco at Coco Park through his hologram like in the opening, as well as just talking in the cockpit of his ship.
*The cutscene when you've gathered all time relics is the same, but with Oxide flying from his ship at the beginning and going through the boss door at the end.
*Oxide's final defeat sees a few changes.
**Oxide now screams all the way back to his ship.
**Once again, Oxide uses his hologram to talk to Crash and Coco, who are outside of their karts, standing on the road in Coco Park.
**After Oxide flies away from Earth, a new victory scene is added. Coco reaches out to Crash for a high-five, but Crash doesn't notice, watching the hologram projector float off. She taps him on the shoulder and raises her hand again when he looks back. He gives her the high-five then the two do the Crash Dance together in celebration, with Crash shouting "Woah!" as he turns around. He then burps up the butterfly he swallowed in the intro.
*The epilogues have a few changes as well.
**There's now fireworks in the background as well as confetti. The icon of the character currently being featured slides past in the background.
**The text is no longer all in upper case.
**Crash's epilogue now says that 'The Color Orange' will be released for "the holidays" rather than "the Christmas season".
**Cortex's now says his full name, Dr. Neo Cortex, rather than just N. Cortex. Cortexrulestheworldium now has the atomic number of 119 rather than 117. This is due to the real element 117, tennessine, being discovered in 2010, 11 years after CTR's release. Number 118 is also taken by oganesson, which was recognized in 2015.
**Tiny's epilogue, while still mostly having the same story, was rewritten: "Tiny Tiger's many fans admired his physical prowess which encouraged him to start a series of online fitness videos. "Tiny-Bo" was an overnight sensation." "Tiny then moved to Beverly Hills and founded a popular chain of fitness clubs where he sold his patented lemongrass and avocado infused protein supplements. The people couldn't get enough."
**Coco now starts a video game streaming service rather than online dating.
**N. Gin's now has an extra sentence at the end: "His affinity for flair and destruction landed him a job as a commentator on the wildly popular 'Giant Robot Battle Network'."
**Dingodile's was entirely rewritten: "Dingodile started a new career as a firefighter, trading his flamethrower for a water hose." "Since then, he is constantly praised for his effectiveness on the job and was most recently featured on the cover of the yearly fireman calendar."
**Polar's now says he became "Head Flavor Scientist" rather than "Head Taste Tester". There's also an extra bit at the end when discussing his invented ice cream flavours, saying: "but it was the Tuna Spumoni that really put them on the map."
**Pura's removes the sentence "FLOYD WILL BE SADLY MISSED". In its place, a new sentence, "He's delighted to debut in a new solo act next month." was added.
**At the beginning of Pinstripe's, the fact the Pinstripe left racing was added. The second sentence was also rewritten: "Although a top salesman each month, his atypical methods unfortunately led him to lose his license and return to his previous work as a CEO & bodyguard."
**The second sentence of Papu Papu's was rewritten: "His signature move, "The Bad Belly Bounce", was so popular that it ignited a world-wide dance phenomenon. Big Belly bangin' could be heard around the world."
**Like Dingodile's epilogue, Ripper Roo's was completely rewritten: "Ripper Roo turned his attention to the amusement park industry and somehow became a Thrill Ride Engineer." "He was blacklisted after officials learned that every ride he created was just a new way for him to test his own threshold of pain."
**A new sentence was added to the end of Komodo Joe's: "Shortly after, his brother Moe announced the opening of a jewelry auction house ..."
**N. Tropy's was rewritten beyond the first sentence: "He was last seen entering a time warp ball travelling to some strange city in the distant future." "It is said he met a peculiar man in a red coat with the sweetest kicks you've ever seen. After that, he decided he had to go back."
**The second half of Oxide's was partially rewritten, and this time breaks the fourth wall by mentioning the rating boards: "Unfortunately, the unicycle was a poor vehicle choice, and his resulting accident put an end to his ambitions of conquest. The details of the event were too gruesome to print here ( the rating boards are watching us )."
**Ami, Isabella, Liz and Megumi's epilogues were removed entirely due to them not featuring in the base game. Although the characters themselves were added back as playable racers as of the Nitro Tour Grand Prix, their epilogues remain unincluded.
==CTR TV segments (Nitro-Fueled only)==
===Grand Prix intro===
[A sports news show style intro begins to play. Circles with videos of characters racing go across the screen; first Crash with his toungue out, then Coco in the middle of a jump, then Polar in a jump, then Coco spinning out. The CTR TV logo appears.]
Narrator: "You're watching CTR TV, special edition! Live from Activision!"
[The logo turns around and engulfs the screen, revealing Chick and Stew sat behind a desk. Chick nods at Stew, then both turn to the camera.]
Chick: "I'm your host, Chick Gizzard Lips."
Stew: "And I'm Stew!"
Chick: "What a great time to tune up and tune in to CTR TV, race fans! Stew, let's get the racers out there up to speed."
Stew: "Rev your engines, pop your clutches and clutch your poppers while we tell you all about the Grand Prix!"
[A clip of Crash racing on Hyper Spaceway appears behind Chick.]
Chick: "Now each Grand Prix is a super event where constestants can test their mettle in a series of electrifying challenges."
[As Chick speaks, the CTR TV logo appears over the screen as a transition. It rolls away to reveal videos of racers racing on Hyper Spaceway, Blizzard Bluff, Android Alley and Out of Time.]
Stew: "Woo! I love me a good challenge! Which also includes being a challenge to work with."
[The camera returns to the studio.]
Chick: "Ahaha! Right you are, Stew. Now racers, as you complete each racing challenge, you'll earn Nitro that fills up your Nitro Gauge."
[Graphics showing the Nitro Gauge being filled up appear on the screen, showing Tawna, Racer Crunch and Motorsport Tawna among the prizes.]
Stew: "Moooore finished races means more Nitro, and that leads to mooooore rewards!"
Chick: "Absolutely, Stew. And with each Grand Prix comes new challenges for even more rewards."
[Graphics of the nitro challenge icons appear. The camera transitions to a render showing Spyro the Dragon, Tawna and Baby T.]
Stew: "Wooh! There could be hot new racers, smooth new rides and sooooo many ways to deck them all out! Ahahah! Ha, I'm absolutely flapping with anticipation there, Chick."
[The camera transitions through an image showing the Probulot 2000, the Bandibuggy and the Le Chaux, then a clip of Ripper Roo racing on Android Alley in a constantly changing kart. Next the screen is split between Musketeer Pura, Scuba Crash and Beach Dingodile's victory celebrations. Then, back to the studio.]
Chick: "I too feel that emotion, Stew. Now in addition to earning insane rewards in the Grand Prix, you can also find other unique items like this in the Pit Stop. Anything else they need to know there, Stew?"
[As Chick speaks, the screen transitions to a collage of various pit stop items before returning to the studio.]
Stew: "Well, according to the script I was told to read, each Grand Prix will introduce a brand new race track. That about what you had in mind there, Chick?"
[A preview of Twilight Tour is shown before returning to the studio once again.]
Chick: "Exactly that, Stew. That about sums it up. I can barely contain my delight."
Stew: "I know I'm "egg-cited". Eheeheeheehee! Now spread your wings, push down your pedals and get to gatherin' that Nitro!"
[The CTR TV logo appears once more as the outro plays.]
===Nitro Tour intro===
[The CTR TV intro plays.]
Narrator: "Live from Activision, this is CTR TV!"
[Transition into the studio.]
Chick: "Welcome race fans! I'm Chick Gizzard Lips and this is my clamourous co-host, Stew!"
[Stew waves at the camera.]
Chick: "We'll be coming at you with the latest N. Sane announcements."
Stew: "That's right, Chick. And I cannot wait to get crackin' on our first ever Grand Prix."
Chick: "Fasten your seatbelts and hop in with racers around the world to compete in this Grand Prix of international proportions."
Stew: "It is our pleasure to introduce the brand new drivers who will be taking the wheel with us this season!"
[The camera transitions to Ami crouched beside a Rocket kart in Twilight Tour. She pats her hands together and turns to the camera.]
Ami: "Can't wait for the green light."
[Transition to Megumi standing by her kart. She jumps up and down in excitement.]
Megumi: "I've been waiting for this!"
[Transition to Tawna leaning over her kart.]
Tawna: "This time, no one will catch me."
[Transition to Liz standing in front of her kart.]
Liz: "Now I'll make every front page!"
[Transition to Isabella leaning on her kart.]
Isabella: "Ah, yeah, it's my battle horse!"
[Transition to a render of the nitro squad in their motorsport skins, then back to the studio.]
Chick: "Wow! I guarantee these new challengers are going to give the rest of our racers a run for their wumpa! ... Oh, uh, uh- Breaking news, folks! We have an exclusive look at the latest feats of engineering to take to our treacherous tracks."
[Transition to a slideshow of the new karts; the Bandibuggy and the Rocket.]
Stew: "Whoo, boy, would I like to take one of those beauties out for a spin there, Chick."
[Back to the studio.]
Chick: "Ha! Earn enough Nitro and maybe you can, Stew. Well, I'm afraid that's all the time we have folks and fowls. Drive fast and good cluck."
[Stew drops his mic as the camera zooms out, and the outro plays.]
===Back N. Time intro===
[The CTR TV intro plays.]
Narrator: "Live from Activision, this is CTR TV!"
[Transition into the studio. Chick points at Stew.]
Chick: "This is Stew!"
Stew: "And I'm Stew!"
Chick: "Indeed. Today we kick off our next Grand Prix, an event where unhinged lunatics will compete for trivial prizes in daring challenges."
Stew: "Chick my friend, I'm so HYPED about this season's new rewards! Drivers are gonna have to step up their game if they wanna stay in the race!"
Chick: "That's right, Stew. Because we're going Back. In. Time!"
[Transition to a preview of Prehistoric Playground.]
Chick: "Would you look at this PRIX-historically beautiful track?"
Stew: "I am looking! WOW! Is that when dinosaurs were still around?"
[Back to the studio.]
Stew: "I'm glad we're not down there, I mean, I bet we look extra delicious, you know what I'm saying? I know I look tasty!"
Chick: "...Wow, Stew. Oh! This just in: I have the most precious news to share. Let's meet the racers who will be joining our rumbling, roaring, racing ranks this season."
[Transition to Baby Crash sleeping on the ground in Prehistoric Playground as music box music plays.]
Stew: "Oh, look at those cheeks!"
[The camera pans to Baby T chewing on some grass. Baby T turns and sniffs at the camera before running off screen.]
Stew: "A-do-ra-ble is the selection of syllables I'm looking for, Chick."
[Baby Coco is revealed, sitting on the ground, playing with a toy phone. She looks at the camera and giggles.]
Stew: "Oh, I can't take it, they're so beautiful."
[Baby Coco presses a button on her toy phone and the screen turns off. Return to the studio.]
Chick: "Oh ho ho ho. Veteran drivers, beware: They might be cute, but they will pack a serious punch. Infant strength is no laughing matter."
Stew: "That's right. Say, Chick, are there any new Karts this time around?"
Chick: "Of course! And we can reveal these beauties immediately!"
[A slideshow of the Nostalginator, the Mammoth and the Probulot 2000 karts are shown. Stew lets out an amazed gasp. Back in the studio, Stew is frozen with his jaw dropped.]
Chick: "Stew? Stew? Well that says it all. Thanks for tuning in and remember, never try to cook an egg on your engine. You've been warned."
[Chick makes an "I'm-watching-you" motion as the camera zooms out. The outro plays.]
===Spyro N. Friends intro===
[The CTR TV intro plays.]
Narrator: "Live from Activision, this is CTR TV!"
[Transition into the studio. Chick and Stew are there as usual, but now Spyro sits between them.]
Chick: "Hi, I'm Chick."
Stew: "I'm on fire, man!"
Chick: "And that... is Stew. Now today we've got a very special guest. I hope the drivers are ready because he's sure to make Sparx fly!"
[Stew leans over to Spyro.]
Stew: "This little head buttin', tail whippin', fire spewin', purple dragon is gonna light up their day!"
Spyro: "I'm fired up and ready to go!"
Chick: "Uh-huh! That's not all. He's challenged every driver to race him on his own personal track."
[A preview of Spyro Circuit plays.]
Stew: "I'm burning with anticipation-!"
Chick: "Hold up! I'm being told Spyro won't be alone."
[Transition to Hunter standing on Spyro Circuit.]
Hunter: "Let's do this quick, I need to get back to Bianca."
[Suddenly, Gnasty Gnorc butts in, shoving Hunter out of the way and grabbing the camera.]
Gnasty Gnorc: "Here to defeat Spyro again!"
[The signal cuts out, returning the feed to the studio.]
Stew: "Are you feeling the heat? Cause I know I am."
Chick: "I'm feeling it. Oh, uh- Breaking news, folks! We have an exclusive look at the latest feats of engineering to take to our treacherous tracks."
[The new karts: the Dragonfly, the Gnasty Ride and the Spyromobile are shown.]
Stew: "Wooo-weee! My passion for racing has been reignited!"
[Back to the studio.]
Chick: "Well, that sums it up for this edition of CTR TV. Now get out there and burn some rubber."
[As the camera zooms out, Spyro and Stew look at each other and give each other thumbs-ups. The outro plays.]
===Spooky intro===
[The CTR TV intro plays.]
Narrator: "Live from Activision, this is CTR TV!"
[Transition into the studio. Chick is sitting at the desk alone. Stew suddenly pops up, wearing a vampire costume, which scares Chick.]
Stew: "BOO!"
Chick: "Waaghghgh!"
Stew: "Hee hee hee hee hee! Got you there, Chicky-boy! Heh-heehee! You can prepared to be terrified, too, with this (in Translyvanian accent) ghoulish Grand Prix season creeping up right behind you!"
Chick: "Well, that sounds spine-tingling. And nice accent. Anybody else itching to race on this new track?"
[A preview of Nina's Nightmare plays.]
Chick: "It's got just the right mix of thrills, spills and chills- chicken skin guaranteed!"
[Back to the studio.]
Stew: "I'm on the edge of my seat!"
Chick: "So, who's up for a bit of frightful fun? I know of a few re-animated challengers making a highly anticipated comeback."
[Transition to Nina Cortex, sitting in a Phantom kart on Nina's Nightmare.]
Nina: "Ugh... What do you want?"
[Transition to Komodo Moe standing beside a Nautilus kart, wielding two swords. He turns to the camera and twirls one around.]
Moe: "Ssssssure I can make these ssspin!"
[Transition to the Skull Rider sitting on the track.]
N. Brio: "See this piece of machinery?"
[N. Brio pops up right in front of the camera.]
N. Brio: "I invented it!"
[Back to the studio.]
Stew: "Eeep! I wouldn't mess with this scary bunch."
Chick: "Well, that oughta get some goblins and ghosts jumping right out of their skin. That's all for today! Keep your wits about you as we head down to the creepy courses."
[Stew slips under the desk and pops up in front of the camera. He runs towards the camera as it zooms out. The outro plays.]
===Neon Circus intro===
[The CTR TV intro plays.]
Narrator: "Live from Activision, this is CTR TV!"
[Transition into the studio.]
Chick: "Hello! Chick here, and as always, I'm joined by my friend, Stew."
Stew: "Wooo-wee! I can just taste the excitement in the air, Chick!"
[Transition to a preview of Koala Carnival.]
Stew: "The smell of stale circus peanuts, gasoline and childhood trauma!"
[Back to the studio.]
Stew: "Hehe, this is gonna be one Wump-tastic festival! We also have a brand new game debuting in Local Arcade."
[Transition to a clip of Crash doing a ring rally in Tiger Temple.]
Stew: "Race against the clock to collect as many rings as you can, and gain speed before time runs out!"
[Back to the studio.]
Chick: "That's got the making of a true spectacle! Now without further ado, let's have a look at this season's new racers."
[Transition to Pasadena O'Possum standing in Koala Carnival.]
Pasadena: "I'll teach Cortex a lesson!"
[Pasadena is blocked out of frame by Koala Kong flexing his bicep.]
Koala Kong: "RRRAH! The secret is in the diet!"
[The camera pans to the left, revealing Ebenezer Von Clutch.]
Ebenezer: "Try to pass me, and I'll gut you kaput!"
[Back to the studio.]
Stew: "They seem more like a sideshow act there, Chick. But maybe they can pull it together with this carousel of new Karts."
[Transition to a picture of the new karts: the Pressurizer, the Daredevil and the Nitro Bumper.]
Chick: "Thrilling rides guaranteed to send you straight to the emergency room! Now that's-"
[Back to the studio. A chicken is now sitting on the desk between Chick and Stew.]
Chick: "...aaaall for today's show, folks!"
[Stew places a crown on the chicken's head.]
Chick: "See you next time for another edition of CTR TV."
[The chicken begins to bawk loudly as the camera zooms out. The outro plays. The chicken pops up in front of the outro graphic, still clucking loudly as it aimlessly wanders back and forth across the screen.]
===Winter Festival intro===
[The CTR TV intro plays.]
Narrator: "Welcome to CTR TV, with your hosts Chick and Stew!"
[Transition to Chick and Stew standing on a bridge in Gingerbread Joyride. Stew has his head down, munching on treats.]
Chick: "I'm Chick Gizzard Lips, reporting live from the track!"
[Stew stands up, still holding a giant pretzel.]
Stew: "Hey y'all!"
[Stew stoops back down, munching loudly.]
Chick: "Anyway, shall we have a look at what's coming up in this Grand Prix?"
[Transition to a preview of Gingerbread Joyride.]
Stew: "This track is loaded with candy-coated and 100% artificially flavored CAAAARbohydrates!"
[Cut back to Chick and Stew.]
Chick: "Looks like we have a few fresh faces joining us this season."
[Transition to Rilla Roo monkeying around by the starting line. The camera pans to the right, revealing Hasty.]
Hasty: "Were you waiting for me?"
[Suddenly, Yaya Panda jumps up from behind Hasty, landing on his head, ending up standing on his antlers.]
Yaya: "You've never seen speed like mine!"
[Cut back to Chick and Stew.]
Chick: "Well, it sure looks like these racers are ready to get a head start on the season!"
[Stew stands back up, placing a giant cupcake on the bridge's hand railing.]
Stew: "Youuu said it, Chick! We've also got plump new rides, decked out with all the jingle bells and whistles!"
[Transition to a picture of the new karts: the Snowplow, the Candy Cone and the Nitro Sleigh.]
Chick: "I can't wait to unwrap these rumbling road-busters!"
[Cut back to Chick and Stew. Stew is now holding a purple jelly person in his arms.]
Stew: "Oh, I'd give anything to be down there, face first in that fluffy frozen frosting myself...!"
Chick: "What do you say we treat ourselves this holiday season and join the competition?"
[Stew licks his beak and opens his mouth to bite the jelly as Chick speaks, only to freeze and throw the jelly up onto the railing as he hears Chick's suggestion.]
Stew: "Oh yeah! Bring on that sugar rush!"
[The outro plays. The camera irises out, revealing Stew sitting in a Candy Cone kart on the track.]
Stew: "Who's ready to get scrambled?!"
[The feed cuts out.]
===Rustland Grand Prix intro===
[The CTR TV intro plays.]
Narrator: "Coming at you live from Activision, this is CTR TV. With your hosts, Chick and Stew!"
[The intro transitions to the studio. Chick and Stew are gone. Two brooms wearing headphones are propped up in the hosts' place. The backdrop is missing, the lights are out, and spiderwebs are scattered around the desk.]
Narrator: "Uuuuhhh... guys?"
[The camera falls over, and the feed cuts out to a placeholder image of Chick and Stew beside the CTR TV logo.]
Narrator: "I-I'm... being told our favorite feathered friends are too busy tearing up the tracks themselves. It seems it's up to me to do the talking! Roll the clip!"
[Transition to a preview of Megamix Mania.]
Narrator: "This new Grand Prix takes an apocalyptic turn as drivers race down the long-forgotten remnants of a dried-up river bed. Our future is looking grim, folks! And to make matters worse, courtesy of an outlandish amount of nuclear waste, comes a new contender... MEGA-MIX!"
[Chick, Stew and Nina, who were driving in front of the camera, are suddenly blown to the sides by a massive explosion as Mega-Mix mugs the camera.]
Mega-Mix: "I'll crush you all LIKE BUGS!"
[Transition to a picture of the new karts: The Desert Duster, The Dusty Raider and The Nuke.]
Narrator: "Let's hope these new rides will help bring our drivers safely to the finish line!"
[Sparking sounds are heard as the feed goes back to the placeholder image.]
Narrator: "That's all for today, race fans! Drive fast, and... don't forget to buckle up!"
[The outro plays as normal, before cutting back to the empty studio for a few seconds before the feed cuts completely.]
===Gasmoxia intro===
[The CTR TV intro plays.]
Narrator: "Live from Activision, this is CTR TV!"
[The feed begins to glitch and break as the Narrator speaks, before cutting to Nitros Oxide in his ship.]
Oxide: "Greetings, Earth slugs! Do not worry, I have no plans to retake your mushy planet. You can keep it for yourselves! I am transmitting to you from the planet Gasmoxia,"
[The feed cuts to Oxide's view for a second, showing Gasmoxia through the ship's windshield, before returning to Oxide.]
Oxide: "where I challenge you all to test your puny skills in a race on our latest track,"
[The feed cuts to a preview of Drive-thru Danger.]
Oxide: "constructed high above the planet's surface! With our two largest fast food conglomerates,"
[Back to Oxide.]
Oxide: "competing for an official CTR TV sponsorship, things are bound to get... toxic~! Because I like to keep things fair, I've invited a fellow galactic ruler to join us... Emperor Velo XXVII!"
[The feed cuts to Velo striding down the track in Drive-Thru Danger.]
Velo: "As ruler of this galaxy, I'll own this Grand Prix!"
[The feed cuts back to Oxide.]
Oxide: "And as a final show of... 'good faith', I've asked our engineers to create some of the finest hovercrafts on this side of the galaxy."
[Cut to picture of the new karts: the Void Manta, the Galactic Cruiser and the Velo Chopper. Cut back to Oxide.]
Oxide: "Farewell, terra vermin. See you on Gasmoxia!"
[Oxide leans forward and pulls a lever at the controls, making the CTR TV outro play. King Chicken is heard clucking before floating on screen in his Space Chicken skin. Cut to black.]
Category:Scripts
Category:Crash Team Racing
Category:Crash Team Racing Nitro-Fueled