Street Racing

==Characters==
Nat PetersonShubieSusieAbigail MargeSadie RechidHaroldPilarFrankTom SmithFred RechidClaytonScooterLennyDebbie RechidNancy Suzy FishEvelynMabel (photograph)Dr. ForrestTeenagers
==Transcript==
(Scene cuts to Nat and Abigail leaving a restaurant)
Abigail: "I had a wonderful time tonight, babe." 
Nat: "I'm glad you had fun, Abigail. Well, it's getting pretty late. I'd better take us home."
Abigail: "Oh Nat, before we go…" Abigail leans in to kiss Nat. Suddenly, just before Nat and Abigail kiss, a boat filled with four teenagers pulls up next to them. 
Teenager #1: "Ew, this is so cringe." The teenager shoots at Nat and Abigail with a paintball gun. A paintball hits Abigail in the chest. Abigail screams.
Nat: "Hey!"
Teenager #1: "Looks like your boat could use a new coat of paint, gramps!" The teenager shoots a bunch of paintballs at Nat's boat. The teenagers laugh and drive away.
Abigail: "My dress! It's ruined!" Nat runs over to his boat.
Nat: "No! I just got this repainted!"
(Scene cuts to Nat coming home that night) Nat walks through the front door and into the kitchen where Shubie is washing some dishes. Shubie looks over and notices Nat.
Shubie: "Hi, Nat. You're home late this evening."
Nat: "Hey, Shubie." Shubie continues washing the dishes. Shubie looks out the kitchen window and sees that Nat's boat is covered in paintballs.
Shubie: "Great Neptune, Nat! What happened to your boat?"
Nat: "Some rotten teenagers shot paintballs at it! Now I'm gonna have to get it repainted, again!"
(Scene cuts to Nat leaving his house the next morning) Nat walks past Tom who is standing in his front yard.
Tom: "Hey Nat, nice paint job!" Tom starts laughing. Nat sighs and walks towards his boat. Nat sees Fred and Sadie walking down the street. Sadie waves at Nat.
Sadie: "Hi, Nat! You're looking handsome today!"
Fred: "Hey, Nat! Did you let little Susie paint your boat?" Fred starts laughing. Fred and Sadie walk away. Nat sees Pilar and Harold walking down the street.
Nat: "Hey, Pilar. Hey, Harold."
Pilar: "Hey, Nat. Holy fishpaste! What happened to your boat?"
Nat: "Some dang teenagers shot paintballs at it yesterday. We need to teach those kids a lesson!"
Harold: "Uh, we? Those kids didn't do anything to us."
Pilar: "Yeah, sorry Nat, that seems like a you problem. That doesn't seem like a neighborhood problem." Harold and Pilar chuckle. Nat sighs.
Nat: "Whatever. I'm going to go get my boat repainted." Nat gets in his boat and drives away. Suddenly, a boat filled with the same teenagers drives down the street. One of the teenagers shoots paintballs at Fred and Sadie. A paintball hits Sadie's chest. Sadie screams. Another paintball hits Fred's leg.
Fred: "MY LEG!" The teenagers laugh and shoot paintballs at Pilar and Harold. The teenagers then shoot paintballs at Tom. A paintball hits Tom in the butt.
Tom: "My butt!"
(Scene cuts to Nat driving back home after getting his boat repainted) Nat notices that the neighborhood is covered in paintballs.
Nat: "What the barnacles happened here?" Nat parks his boat in his driveway. Pilar walks over to Nat with his face covered in paintballs.
Pilar: "The neighborhood officially has a teenager problem."
(Scene cuts to Nat, Pilar and Harold in Harold's garage)
Pilar: "So how are we gonna stop those teenagers?"
Harold: "I know! We could freeze them all with my freeze ray!"
Nat: "We're not doing that, Harold."
Pilar: "We could find out where they live and throw eggs at their houses."
Nat: "Nah, that won't stop them from wreaking havoc in our neighborhood. What we need to do is embarrass them. I've got it! We'll challenge them to a street race!"
Harold: "A street race?"
Pilar: "How would that stop them?"
Nat: "Because when they lose a street race to a bunch of 'old men' they'll get so embarrassed that they'll never bother us again!"
Pilar: "Well, I guess that's better than our other ideas."
Harold: "Let's kick those teenagers' butts!"
(Scene cuts to Nat, Pilar, Harold, Frank, Fred, Tom, Clayton, Scooter and Lenny driving down a dark street)
Lenny: "You sure those teenagers will be here?"
Nat: "Debbie told Fred that this is where they like to race." The guys approach the teenagers who are getting ready to start a race.
Teenager #1: "Ready, guys? On your mark! Get set!"
Nat: "Hey! Not so fast!" The teenagers turn around and see the guys.
Teenager #1: "What do you want? Are you gonna call the cops on us for trespassing?"
Nat: "No, we're here to challenge you to a race." The teenagers laugh.
Teenager #1: "You want to race us? Sure, gramps, you can race us, but don’t choke when you're eating our dust."
Nat: "Oh, I don't think that's going to happen."
Teenager #1: "Oh yeah? When was the last time you raced, old man? The 50's?" The teenagers laugh. Nat sighs.
Nat: "Let's just get this race started." The guys drive up to the starting line.
Teenager #1: "On your mark! Get set! Go!" The race begins.
(Scene cuts to the guys back at Harold's garage)
Pilar: "I can't believe we lost that race."
Fred: "Lost? We got creamed by those kids."
Lenny: "None of us even made it to the finish line."
Tom: "That was just luck. If we had a rematch, we'd kill 'em for sure."
Nat: "That's not a bad idea, Tom. Why don't we have a rematch tomorrow?" The guys nod their heads.
Harold: "We're in."
Nat: "Then it's settled. Let's hope for a better race tomorrow.
(Scene cuts to the guys in Harold's garage)
Harold: "Well, at least Frank crossed the finish line this time."
Nat: "But he came in dead last. Look, if we're ever gonna defeat those teenagers, we're gonna have to think like a teen."
Pilar: "Well, I remember I loved breaking the rules as a teen."
Fred: "And I loved making fun of losers like Lenny when I was in high school."
Lenny: "Yeah the good old days... Wait, what?"
Fred: "Nothing."
Harold: "I loved science when I was a teenager." The guys look at him.
Nat: "I don't think most teenagers like science, Harold."
Frank: "Oh! I remember I loved talking to pretty girls." The guys all nod their heads in agreement.
Nat: "Alright now we know teenagers love girls, breaking the rules, and being cruel. So here's the plan." Nat starts whispering the plan to the others.
(Scene cuts to Nat walking over to his boat the next day) Shubie walks outside.
Shubie: "Where are you off to, Nat?"
Nat: "Me and the guys are going to race those teenagers again. This time we're gonna teach them a lesson."
Shubie: "Oh, okay. Well I'm off to Susie's baseball practice. Come on, Susie! We're going to be late!" Susie runs outside carrying her baseball equipment.
Susie: "Coming, Mom!" Shubie and Susie get in Shubie's boat.
Shubie: "Bye, Nat. Good luck with your, um, race." Shubie drives away.
(Scene cuts to the guys driving down the dark street) The guys drive up to the teenagers.
Teenager #1: "Oh no, what do you guys want? We've already kicked your butts twice this week. Just go on back to the retirement home and save yourselves the embarrassment."
Nat: "You may have gotten us the first two times but you'll be the ones getting embarrassed today."
Teenager #1: "Sounds like gramps didn't take his meds today. Alright, fine. We'll race you guys one last time, but when we win, don’t come back."
Nat: "Okay, and if we win, you guys have to stop terrorizing our neighborhood."
Teenager #1: "Deal."
Nat: "Alright, guys. Let's kick some teenage tail today!" Nat and the guys drive up to the starting line.
Teenager #1: "First person to Goo Lagoon wins. On your mark! Get set! Go!" The race begins. Nat takes the lead. The racers drive past Debbie who is wearing a bikini.
Debbie: "Yoo-hoo! Boys!" 
Teenager #2: "Woah!" The teenager stops next to Debbie.
Clayton: "Wow, I'm surprised Fred had Debbie act as bait."
Fred: "I didn't. Debbie! What did I tell you about hanging out with these hooligans?!" The racers drive onto a bridge. Teenager #1 looks back and sees Teenager #2 talking to Debbie.
Teenager #1: "Great. We're down a racer. I guess I'll have to make it even." Teenager #1 smashes his boat into Scooter's. Scooter's boat goes flying off the bridge and into the water below.
Scooter: "Not cool, dude." Teenager #3 drives up to Lenny and pulls out a paintball gun.
Teenager #3: "Looks like you could use a new coat of paint."
Lenny: "Shoot one paintball at me and I'm calling your parents." Teenager #3 laughs.
Teenager #3: "Yeah, right. You don't know my parents." Lenny gets hit by a paintball.
Lenny: "You're right. I don't, but I bet my wife does." Lenny shows Teenager #3 a picture of Mabel. Teenager #3 screams.
Teenager #3: "AHHH! Mrs. Anchovy?! Not that old hag! Please don't call my parents!" Teenager #3 turns around and drives away.
Teenager #1: "Great, we're down another racer." Teenager #1 smashes his boat into Lenny's. Lenny's boat crashes into a fire hydrant.
Lenny: "Great! I just had this painted!" Tom drives up next to Teenager #4.
Tom: "Hey kid, what do you think of this?" Tom turns on his radio and starts playing classic rock and roll music.
Teenager #4: "Ah! This music sucks! This is like what my lame parents listen to!" Teenager #4 loses control of his boat and crashes. Tom laughs.
Tom: "You can't beat the classics."
Teenager #1: "Two can play this game!" Teenager #1 drives up to Tom and starts blasting new music.
Tom: "Ah! Turn this garbage off! Make it stop! I can't take it anymore!" Tom loses control of his boat and crashes. Teenager #1 laughs.
(Scene cuts to Nancy Suzy Fish and Evelyn eating outside of a restaurant)
Evelyn: "It's too bad that your hair is all old and grey now. Don't you wish you still had beautiful blonde hair like me?" Evelyn strokes her wig. The racers zoom past them, blowing Evelyn's wig away.
Nancy: "Ha! Well at least I still have hair!"
(Scene cuts back to the race) Fred drives up next to Teenager #5.
Fred: "You know, you shouldn't drive into those big rocks on the side of the road."
Teenager #5: "You can't tell me what to do, old man!" Teenager #5 swerves off the road and crashes into a large rock. Fred laughs. Teenager #1 bashes into Fred's boat. Fred's boat swerves off the road and crashes into large rock.
Fred: "MY LEG!" Teenager #6 starts shooting spitballs at Clayton. Clayton gets hit in the back with some spitballs. Teenager #6 drives up next to Clayton.
Clayton: "Spitballs, huh? I used to shoot those all the time back in the day. Watch this." Clayton shoots two spitballs at Teenager #6. The spitballs land on Teenager #6's eyes.
Teenager #6: "I can't see!" Teenager #6 loses control of his boat and crashes. Clayton laughs. Teenager #1 drives up next to Clayton and shoots a spitball at him. The spitball goes into Clayton's mouth. Clayton starts choking on the spitball. Clayton loses control of his boat and crashes. Clayton coughs up the spitball.
Pilar: "Hey Harold! We're gonna need all the help we can get! You know what time it is!"
Harold: "Time to take the lead." Harold presses a button which activates some rockets on the back of his boat. Harold starts passing the other racers.
Teenager #7: "Nice rockets, nerd! Did you make them yourself?"
Harold: "Why, yes actually. I was able to do so because the third law of thermodynamics states that the entropy of a closed system at thermodynamic equilibrium approaches a constant value when its temperature approaches absolute zero, and you'd better start turning in 3.5 seconds or you're going to crash into that building."
Teenager #7: "Huh? Wait, what?" The racers approach a turn. All of the racers turn except for Teenager #7 who crashes into a building.
Teenager #1: "I've gotta take out those rockets." Teenager #1 shoots a spitball that lands in the exhaust pipe of one of Harold's rockets. Harold's boat explodes. Nat sees the explosion behind him in his mirror.
Nat: "Harold!"
Harold: "I'm okay! Severely burned, but okay."
(Scene cuts to Shubie and Susie after Susie's baseball practice)
Shubie: "Good practice today, Susie!"
Susie: "Thanks, Mom!" Shubie checks her watch.
Shubie: "Hey, the ice cream store is still open. Do you want to get some ice cream?"
Susie: "Yes, please!" Shubie and Susie get in their boat and drive over to the ice cream store.
(Scene cuts back to the race) Teenager #8 drives up to Pilar and throws a water balloon at him. The water balloon hits Pilar in the face.
Pilar: "Say kid, you look a little parched. Have a soda!" Pilar grabs a soda can from his cup holder, shakes it, and tosses to the teenager.
Teenager #8: "Uh, thanks?" The teenager opens the soda can and gets sprayed with soda. Teenager #8 loses control of his boat and crashes. Pilar laughs. Teenager #1 turns around and sees that Teenager #8 has crashed. Teenager #1 pulls out a paintball gun and shoots it at Pilar's windshield.
Pilar: "Ah! My windshield is covered in paint! I can't see!" Pilar's boat crashes. Frank drives up to Teenager #9.
Teenager #9: "You're not beating me, pops!"
Frank: "Oh yes I am. Your attention span isn't long enough to focus for an entire race!"
Teenager #9: "What? That's not true at…" Teenager #9 loses focus and crashes into a mailbox. Teenager #1 drives past Frank. 
Teenager #1: "Say good night, gramps!" Teenager #1 throws a thumbtack onto the road. Frank's boat runs over it which causes one of the tires to pop.
Frank: "What the…" Frank crashes into a building. Nat sees Frank crash in his mirror.
Nat: "Frank! No!" Teenager #1 drives up to Nat.
Teenager #1: "Looks like it's just you and me, old man! I've been saving you for last."
Nat: "I won't let you beat me!" Teenager #1 bashes his boat into Nat's, but Nat keeps control of his boat and continues racing.
(Scene cuts to Shubie and Susie at the ice cream store)
Shubie: "What kind of ice cream would you like, Susie?"
Susie: "Vanilla!"
Shubie: "Okay, two scoops of vanilla please, and I'll have one tiny scoop of chocolate. Here you go, Susie." Shubie hands Susie a cup of vanilla ice cream.
Susie: "Thanks, Mom!"
Shubie: "You're welcome, Susie. Oh, don't forget to take a napkin." Shubie hands Susie a napkin. Susie skips over to one of the tables outside of the ice cream store. Susie sits down at the table and begins eating her ice cream. A gust of wind blows Susie's napkin off of the table and into the street. 
Susie: "Oh, I'll go get it." Shubie finishes paying for the ice cream and grabs her cup of chocolate ice cream from the counter. Shubie turns towards Susie.
Shubie: "Enjoying your ice cream, Susie?" Shubie notices Susie getting her napkin in the street. Shubie then sees Nat and Teenager #1 racing towards her.
Teenager #1: "I'm not losing to an old geezer!"
Shubie: "Susie! Look out!" Nat looks up and sees Susie right in front of his boat.
Nat: "Huh?" Nat slams on the brakes. Nat's boat stops right in front of Susie. Teenager #1 turns around and laughs as he drives away.
Teenager #1: "Eat my dust, gramps!" Teenager #1's boat smashes through a guard rail and drives off a cliff. Teenager #1 screams. Shubie runs over to Susie.
Shubie: "Susie, are you okay? You could've killed my daughter, you nitwit!" Nat gets out of his boat.
Nat: "Shubie?"
Shubie: "Nat?! What the barnacles is going on?"
Nat: "I was just racing those teenagers. I guess I got a little carried away. I was so focused on beating them that I wasn't worried about the health and safety of others. I didn't see Susie until the last second. Thank Neptune I didn't hit her. I'm so sorry, Susie. I don't know what I would do if I lost you." Nat hugs Susie.
Susie: "It's okay, Dad. Can I go finish my ice cream?" Nat smiles.
Nat: "Of course, Susie." 
Susie: "Yay!" Susie skips away.
Nat: "Sorry I almost killed our daughter, Shubie."
Shubie: "It's okay, Nat. I forgive you. I'm just glad that you're both okay. So does this mean you lost the race?"
Nat: "I guess so, but I don't think we'll be running into any problems with those teenagers anytime soon."
(Scene cuts to Bikini Bottom Hospital where Scooter, Lenny, Tom, Fred, Clayton, Harold, Pilar, Frank and 7 teenagers are all laying in hospital beds)
Dr. Forrest: "Street racing, huh? I don't get paid enough for this."
(Scene ends)
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