The Swallow and the Owl

SEPTEMBER
The Swallow and the Owl
2 September 2017
Anchorage, United States
“Hey, Hermann!” Raleigh's voice cuts through Hermann's self-reflection as the tall young man enters the lab. They haven't visited in a few days, but it hasn't been long enough that Hermann has concerns. If he doesn't see his blonde friend too often, he worries. Raleigh may take pride in his “mother hen” tendencies, but Hermann has his own careful need to protect his loved ones.
“Ah, Raleigh! How are you today?” Hermann asks with a smile. He appreciates that Raleigh doesn't use his given name except when they're alone. The man is observant, possible in part due to his “condition.” Hermann is just grateful that at least a few people understand his need for respect. He has so much to fight against—he needs all the help that he can get.
“I'm pretty good. Yan is sleeping—of course—so I wanted to know if you wanted to come over for tea.” Raleigh's older brother, the even-more imposing Yancy Becket, enjoys his sleep. Raleigh uses the time to play chess with Hermann. Hermann sometimes wonders if he's just a distraction for Raleigh. He treasures the ranger's friendship too much to voice such a thought.
“Of course. I'm off for the night anyway, and this equation is not being cooperative.” Hermann sighs and puts down his chalk with a rueful expression. Some days his failures tear him to pieces. Others, like today, are just blips in his life. He can't wallow too much; the Kaiju won't wait.
“Awesome. Let's go.” They speak of everyday things, like Yancy's new haircut (Raleigh is not a fan of the short buzz). Raleigh talks constantly except when he's focused on work. It's a welcome feature of Hermann's friend. Most people would think that Hermann would never like such chatter, but Raleigh is a smart man with wisdom in his words. Hermann lets Raleigh talk as they stroll towards the ranger's quarters.
“OK, so I don't have anything new right now since Jazz is holding out, so do you want Earl Grey or star anise? I'm out of everything else.” Raleigh asks with an apologetic expression when the reach his door. His younger sister provides much of his rationed tea. Hermann's smile widens a bit; he has siblings who enjoy being difficult as well.
“The star anise would be lovely, thank you.” The tea reminds him of the time that he fell asleep in Raleigh's quarters. He doesn't like to feel vulnerable, but Raleigh is so comfortable. He can trust him, even if only a little.
“Cool, cool. I'll put it on if you'll set up the board.” Raleigh says as he moves towards his kitchenette. Hermann pulls out the chess set from its place by the table and sets it up between the two main chairs. Hermann's—or rather, Yancy's—is soft and warm and Hermann sinks into it with a grateful sigh. He so enjoys these visits with Raleigh. He can relax and forget that he's a freak and a monster, if only for just a moment.
“Here's your tea.” Raleigh comes over a few minutes later with the drink, made with lemon. Hermann murmurs a thank you as he breathes in the sweet scent and Raleigh takes his seat, his own mug in hand. Raleigh says nothing as he moves first, pushing a pawn across the board. Hermann plays ruthlessly, knowing that Raleigh will as well. Their first game goes to Hermann, but not by much. Raleigh sets up for the next game without speaking. He rises next to make both of them a new cup of tea while Hermann resets the board and moves. Then, he sits and ruminates.
“Hey, here you go.” Raleigh says, breaking Hermann's concentration. He has a look of focus on his rugged face that makes Hermann squirm. Hermann's brother Bastien has a similar face that he only uses for his older brother. Hermann touches his chest to check his binder.
“Thank you.” Hermann takes his tea and self-consciously sips it while Raleigh makes his move. It's halfway through their game (Raleigh winning) before the pilot breaks the silence again.
“Hey, so stop me if I'm getting too much in your business, but I have a question.” Raleigh asks as he moves his queen. Hermann dreads whatever Raleigh wants to know. As perceptive as his friend is, it can't be something casual or easy. “But sometimes you get this face like you want cry but you don't. And it's never at anyone, it's always when you're staring at nothing, so it's not like people are pissing you off. What's wrong when you look like that?”
It takes Hermann a moment to gather his thoughts. No one has asked him that. His siblings understand him so well that it's a moot point, and his other friends just take it in stride. Raleigh is different. He wants to know how things work—even things like Hermann.
“I've not—had many friends in my life, Raleigh.” Hermann stops to reign in his emotions. “I don't have much—confidence in myself. Sometimes, I just feel—badly bout who I am.” He'd like to lie, to spare any show of weakness, but Hermann does not lie. He can't help his wings and the secrets, but in everything else he's as honest as he can be.
“Sounds like you have depression, Hermann.” Raleigh says in seriousness. He moves a knight and takes a sip of his tea.
“Yes, I do. I take a low-dosage of an antidepressant. I get by.”
“Why do you think that you suck, though? I mean, yeah, the depression doesn't help, but is there anything in specific I can rebut?” Raleigh grins and Hermann almost smiles in return. “Because you're a pretty awesome person.” Hermann's smile falters.
You wouldn't think that if you knew about my wings. Hermann thinks with a sad mental sigh. Raleigh frowns.
“There, you just did it again.”
“I'm sorry.” Hermann makes a move, no longer caring about the game. He's too miserable to make the effort.
“Hey, hey! Don't do that, OK? Don't feel bad because you have depression. I mean, OK, you will because you have depression, but you shouldn't.” Raleigh gently pats Hermann's knee, the physical show of affection Hermann affords him. “You're neat, OK? Me an' Tendo an' Yan wouldn't be friends with you otherwise.”
“I just worry about—pity.”
“Dude, I get you. I've spent my whole life getting looks and shit because of my Asperger's. I get it.” Raleigh clears the board and resets the pieces as he talks. “But people like us, we've got to stick together. Because the world doesn't get it but we're awesome-cool.”
“You are quite 'cool,' Mister Becket.” Hermann says with affection evident in his voice. Raleigh reminds Hermann so much of Bastien and it hurts and soothes the part of his soul that misses his siblings.
“So are you, Doctor Gottlieb. And from now on, whenever you make that face, I'm going to tell you how awesome you are. Because you put up with me and we're friends and I love you.” Raleigh shows no shame at his feelings as he turns the white pieces to Hermann. “Here, it's your turn.”
Hermann wipes away the tears on his cheeks and smiles. He doesn't need to say it, because Raleigh knows. He loves this man. He loves this intelligent, interesting man and Raleigh honours Hermann by being his friend.
Hermann makes his move and they play. The smile never leaves Hermann's face.
Category:Birds of a Feather storyline
Category:Hermann
Category:Hermann (ficlet)
Category:Anchorage Shatterdome (setting)
Category:Ficlet
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Category:Ficlets in need of language stuff
Category:Raleigh
Category:Raleigh (ficlet)
Category:Anchorage Shatterdome
Category:Hermann has wings
Category:Raleigh has Asperger's Syndrome