AuronKaizer

:This article is about AuronKaizer. You're a really smart guy not to figure that out for yourself!
AuronKaizer is a state of mind which may be attained only through the recreational (or work-related) use of drugs and other illicit substances while watching The Brave Little Toaster. Currently, this identity is connected to a mysterious individual of Kaizerian origins, the historical records of which have been mysteriously consumed by flames. Previously believed to be the head of the Kaizer Family, a loosely connected affiliation of people who sailed the Aye Arr Sea, who sought used cheese doodles and the like.
== Spirography ==
Little concrete information regarding the formative years entity known as AuronKaizer is known at this point. According to ancient etchings in caves found around the world, it is believed that after living through years of chronic illnesses and pains, he lost his grip on sanity and was visited by a bird with a human head. He promptly ate the bird and gained its knowledge and power. Seeking to use his newfound abilities of mind-melding for good, he killed Ronald Reagan by affecting the midi-chlorians, rapidly enhancing his aging and causing preternatural death of natural causes, naturally.
Commended by the United States Underground, upon joining Special Operations Unit FOXHOUND under the codename "Hentai Hunter", he aided Majestic-12 in completing a secretive takeover of all the world's communication systems. This would be of great use to discover the identities of those who might order pizzas with vegetarian crap on them, that they might be "shortened" for the good of democrazy.
FOXHOUND was disbanded after all members other than Hentai Hunter were found out to be religiously inclined. AuronKaizer went underground for a number of years, establishing working relationships with McDonald's Branch Managers across the globe. Eventually, his power grew to the point where he would execute his new scheme; by copypasting information found on other sites on the Internet and claiming them as his own work, he assumed the identity of a user of "Zeldapedia" (an encyclopedia regarding a game series he has never played) and gained an influential position on the Senate, that he might manipulate others as part of a grand scheme for imperialization of the Galaxy.
In 2004, AuronKaizer rescued Anju, an innkeeper whom he had met years earlier, from certain lifelong torture at the hands of her fiancé, Kafei. The two escaped to freedom and have lived together ever since. Anju aids AuronKaizer in his plans by providing him with fresh Pepsi whenever he desires.
:This article is currently a stub. More information will be added as the Ministry of Occultism release more and more known information on the subject.
Category:Kaizer Family
Category:Awesome People