Transcript:Horrid Henry Meets the Queen

[Horrid Henry is running to school. He arrives to find the doors are shut]
Horrid Henry: [To camera] So? I'm late. It's not like I'm going to miss anything. [He goes to open the door, but before he can, everyone runs out cheering] What's going on?
Gorgeous Gurinder: We're going to be on telly!
Greedy Graham: We're gonna get chocolate! [rubs his tummy]
Lazy Linda: We're gonna get a whole month's holiday, I hope.
Moody Margaret: The Queen's coming to school, stupid!
Sour Susan: Yeah, stupid!
Horrid Henry: Huh. Why's the Queen coming to school? Doesn't she know everything already? [Henry imagines the Queen sitting next to him in class]
Rude Ralph: [laughs] Henry, you idiot! She's not coming to school to learn, she's coming on a royal visit.
Horrid Henry: Ohh. Great! I can ask her how many TVs she's got. I've always wanted to know.
Rude Ralph: Why?
[Miss Oddbod walks into the playground with Perfect Peter, Tidy Ted and Goody-Goody Gordon]
Miss Oddbod: Now, according to royal protocol, only one student will greet Her Majesty and present her with flowers. And that student will be... [Henry looks at her hopefully] ...you, Peter because you've got more gold stars than anyone else in the school.
Horrid Henry: Peter? Peter's going to meet the Queen?! IT'S NOT FAIR!
[Title card shows]
[In the living room, Peter is practicing greeting the Queen, with Bunny with a crown on its head as the queen and a rolled-up newspaper as a bouquet]
Perfect Peter: Welcome to our school, your majesty. My name is...
Horrid Henry: Huh! Worm.
Perfect Peter: ...Peter. Bow. [Peter bows] Bouquet. [Peter gives the 'bouquet' to the 'queen'] Answer a question. Walk away. [Peter walks away]
Horrid Henry: [Yawns loudly] When I'm king... [Henry imagines himself stepping out of the carriage. Everyone bows down to him and he steps over them. They scream]
Perfect Peter: [Picks up Bunny] Henry, ask me a question. Please.
Horrid Henry: Okay. [Takes Bunny and imitates the queen] So, little boy. Why are you so smelly? [Peter bursts into tears] Oh, why don't you ask her a question instead?
Perfect Peter: Why?
[Henry sighs and gives Bunny back to Peter, then leaves the room]
[in the kitchen, Mum is on the phone]
Mum: I mean, it's just the sort of thing that never happens to us. It's always other people, but no, it has... I know!
Horrid Henry: Mum, how many TVs has the Queen got?
Mum: [turns to Henry and shrugs, then returns to her call] Yes, isn't it exciting? Peter's going to meet the Queen!
Horrid Henry: [sighs] What's all the fuss about? I bet the Queen's not making a big deal out of meeting Peter.
[on the driveway, Dad is putting up a flagpole]
Moody Margaret: Oh, I'd die of embarrassment if my Dad put up a flagpole in front of our house, Henry.
Horrid Henry: Uh-uh, it's not a flagpole! It's just a pole.
Dad: Get the Union Jack from the cellar, please, Henry.
Moody Margaret: [laughs] It's a flagpole!
Dad: We're going to have a proper flag-raising ceremony to celebrate Peter meeting the Queen.
Horrid Henry: [facepalms] Oh, this is so embarrassing!
Dad: Flag, Henry. Now.
[Henry goes inside and sees Peter practicing]
Horrid Henry: You're doing it all wrong.
Perfect Peter: [shakes his head] No, I'm not.
Horrid Henry: Okay, fine. Make a fool of yourself. [walks away]
Perfect Peter: Well, how do they do it then?
[Peter bows, then cocks a snook]
Perfect Peter: Are you sure this is how you greet the Queen?
Horrid Henry: Yes! If you get it wrong, they'll lock you up in the tower.
Perfect Peter: [gasps] No!
Horrid Henry: And then they'll sharpen their huge axe [pulls his t-shirt up over his head] and...
Perfect Peter: Mum! [Mum runs in] Henry says I'm going to get my head chopped off!
Mum: Don't be horrid, Henry!
Dad: [comes in] Where's my flag, Henry?
Horrid Henry: I'm just getting it, Dad. [Henry goes to the cellar]
Perfect Peter: Dad, is it true that they... chop off people's heads in the tower?
Dad: Yes it is. That's why they call it the bloody tower. [Peter faints]
Mum: [to Dad] Now, look what you've done.
[In the cellar, Henry sees the flag under the laundry basket. He pulls it out, knocking the basket over. Henry gets an idea. Outside, Dad switches on the tape player while Henry fastens the flag to the pole. Dad hoists up the flag... and three pairs of pants below it. Henry salutes. Mum and Dad look shocked. Peter blushes and Margaret laughs]
Horrid Henry: Told you it would be embarrassing.
[At school, Henry's class are painting portraits of monarchs]
Miss Battle-Axe: And remember, her majesty will see your painting when she visits.
[everyone holds up their portraits. Miss Battle-Axe looks around at the portraits]
Miss Battle-Axe: [she sees Henry's drawing. It is of Henry as a king] What is this?!
Horrid Henry: It's my portrait. It's King Henry the Horrible. 
Miss Battle-Axe: Henry, you are not royal blood.
Horrid Henry: [outraged] Oh, yes, I am! [Henry imagines Mum and Dad bumping into a servant carrying a royal baby in the hospital and the babies swapping trollies] You see, Peter isn't really my brother, and Mum and Dad aren't my real parents.
Moody Margaret: [to Susan] Ha, he just followed them home from the zoo.
Sour Susan: [snickers] Yeah, the zoo!
Miss-Battle Axe: [picks up a book] Henry, I think you're overlooking one small fact.
Horrid Henry: Yeah? What's that?
Miss-Battle Axe: [opens the book] There were no royal children born in the same year as you, Henry.
Horrid Henry: Oh. Really? [Miss Battle-Axe shakes her head] Now I'm never going to find out how many TVs she's got.
[Later at home]
Perfect Peter: Are you sure you're sure, Mum?
Mum: Yes, Peter, I'm sure. [behind her, Henry cocks a snook] The Queen wants to meet you. She doesn't want to send you to the tower. [Henry makes a choking action. Peter looks concerned]
[The next day at school, everyone is in the playground waiting for the Queen to arrive]
Miss Oddbod: Three cheers for her majesty, the Queen! Hip hip! [she waves her flag]
(everyone together) Hooray! [everyone waves their flags]
Miss Oddbod: Hip hip!
(everyone together) Hooray! [they wave their flags, Peter waves his bouquet]
Miss Oddbod: Hip hip!
(everyone together) Hooray! 
[a white limousine arrives. The Queen's guard opens the door and she gets out. Miss Oddbod and Peter go to greet her. Peter looks nervous]
Horrid Henry: [from the crowd] Uh, excuse me, how many TV sets have you... [Miss Battle-Axe covers his mouth]
Miss Battle-Axe: Henry! [she shoves him back into the crowd]
Perfect Peter: Um, bouquet, walk away, bow, um oh no um, question! Question! Oh, oh...
Miss Oddbod: [whispering] Peter. Peter! 
[Peter looks up at Miss Oddbod, then sees Henry making a choking action. Peter forgets what he's supposed to do and shoves the bouquet in the Queen's face. Everyone gasps]
Queen: Oh. [she spits out a mouthful of petals] How lovely.
[Peter cocks a snook and everyone gasps again. He then gets down on his knees and begs]
Perfect Peter: Oh! Please don't send me to the tower! Please don't chop off my head! [The Queen and Miss Oddbod look concerned]
Miss Oddbod: [interrupts] Oh! Erm, uh, come on everyone, let's see our Tudor display.
[Everyone has moved to the grass. Miss Battle-Axe's class are standing in the mud]
Miss Oddbod: In Tudor times, mud and straw were used to make the walls of our ancestors' homes. Miss Battle-Axe's class will now demonstrate this ancient craft.
[Miss Oddbod walks to the piano and starts playing it. Miss Lovely plays the flute, Soggy Sid plays the banjo, Perfect Peter plays the violin, Spotless Sam and Tidy Ted play tambourines]
[Miss Battle-Axe's class begin singing a song and dancing in the mud. The Queen looks relaxed and appears to be enjoying the performance]
Horrid Henry: Hey nonny nay! [he pushes Weepy William] Hey nonny nay!
Class: # And, we stomp, stomp stomp. #
Horrid Henry: Stomp!
Class: # As we stomp, stomp, stomp! #
Greedy Graham: # I stomp #
Moody Margaret: # You stomp #
Class: # Everybody stomp, stomps! For to make are wall stay! #
Miss Battle-Axe: [sees Henry] Henry, get back in line!
Horrid Henry: Grrrrr! [pushes Brainy Brian and Sour Susan, taking their place]''
Greedy Graham: # I stomp #
Moody Margaret: # You stomp #
Class: Everybody stomp, stomps! [Miss Battle-Axe climbs into the mud behind Henry]
Horrid Henry: Hey nonny nay, get out my way! [he pushes Margaret over into the mud and gets to the front beside Greedy Graham]
Moody Margaret: Hey!
Class: # We are the kind, we never moan! #
Horrid Henry: [steps forward] # How many TVs do you own? #
[Miss Battle-Axe tries to grab Henry, but she falls and lands in the mud. It sends mud flying out of the pit, covering the Queen and her guard]
Queen:How... [she spits out mud] lovely. Oh. [her guard offers her a tissue]
[Back at home, Peter's very upset. He cries profusely]
Mum: Peter, I thought you did very well.
Dad: How could you be so horrid, Henry?! You've disgraced the entire family AND you've made your brother look like a complete idiot. [he points to Peter, who cries very loudly]
Horrid Henry: But I only wanted to ask... [they hear a noise outside. The Queen's white limousine pulls up outside their house and her guard gets out and walks to the front door] Wow! [they go to the window to take a look] At last, they've come to get me!
Perfect Peter: They-they've come to get me! [he grabs Mum's arm] They're going t-to take me to th-the tower, and chop off my head! [he cries again]
[the Queen's guard is talking to the family in the sitting room]
Security Guard: The Queen has been asked thousands of questions, but never before has anyone enquired about the number of television sets she owns.
Dad: [curious] And?
Security Guard: There are 82 television sets in the palace.
Horrid Henry: 82?! I haven't got any. Do you think she might have a spare one for my bedroom?
Security Guard: [not amused] Don't push it, you horrid boy. But as you and your brother made her visit to your school unlike any other, I have been instructed by her majesty to issue you with these. [he pulls out two purple tickets from his pocket and hands them to Henry] Two royal passes to the Tower of London.
(Henry and Peter together) [they look at each other, horrified] The Tower?!!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
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