Dicks: The Musical/Trailer transcripts

The A24 logo plays, then we iris into a view of Craig (Josh Sharp) getting into a taxi.
:Announcer: This is Craig Tiddle.
:Craig: Thanks, doll.
Cut to Trevor (Aaron Jackson) in a coffee shop.
:Announcer: And this is Trevor Brock.
:Trevor: (With a cup of coffee in his hand) You have a good day.
Cut to the both of them outside. Each of them respectively comes out of the doors 69A and 69B. Three posters each are next to the duo: Time Share, My Queer Lady, and Lube next to Craig, and Wilma Wood, The Gay Odd Couple and Jeffrey, What Have You Done? next to Trevor.
:Trevor: My cock is fuckin' massiveIt always leaves the ladies sore
:Craig: Money just keeps rollin' inThe good times never stop
:Trevor: There's never been a man like meAnd I'll always be on top
Swipe down to the both of them arriving at work.
:Gloria (Megan Thee Stallion): Craig Tiddle, Trevor Brock. My two top salesmen. You two motherfuckers look like y'all could be twins. (They laugh nervously.)
:Trevor: I don't think...
:Craig: Very dissimilar.
Cut to "FROM THE PRODUCERS OF," with "THE GREATEST SHOWMAN" lighting up underneath. A shot of Craig and Trevor follows, followed by "AND THE DIRECTOR OF BORAT," animated in the same manner. Then it's back to the boys.
:Trevor: The only thing I have from the dad I never knew is...
:Craig and Trevor: (As they connect the two halves together, forming "OUR TWO BOYS") Half of a locket!
:Trevor: We must be brothers!
:Craig: Not just brothers, Trevor! Twins! (Zoom in)
:Craig and Trevor: Wow! We're twins! We're fucking identical twins!
Respectively panning up and down are separate shots of Harris (Nathan Lane) and Evelyn (Megan Mullally). Then a shot of the two of them together, then back to the boys. As these shots are seen...
:Craig: If Mom and Dad got married again, then we'd have a real family.
:Trevor: What if we tricked them into getting back together?
At work, the sound of glass shattering is heard, then we see Harris and Evelyn at a restaurant, turning toward each other.
:Harris and Evelyn: What are YOU doing here? (They gasp at the sight of Craig and Trevor.) The twins!
Cut to "COMES A24'S FIRST MOVIE MUSICAL." Then swipe down to Gloria performing "Out-Alpha the Alpha."
:Gloria: Y'all just servants, this my palace, built it brick by brick/So get in a line, drop on your knees, and suck my fuckin' dick
A shot of God (Bowen Yang) blinking, then cut to Craig and Harris.
:Harris: Should I open another bottle? I know it's our second, but we're not Baptists.
:Evelyn: (As we see a shot of the boys in a sewer before cutting to the parents) Should we drown them in a bathtub in an old-fashioned way?
:Gloria: Y'all fucked up! (Bags are removed from the twins' heads, then it's back to their parents.)
:Harris: I'm gay. (Evelyn is shocked) Queer as a three-dollar bill and just as thin. (Swipe down to another musical number.)
:Craig and Trevor: Life's a fucking handjob, and I only play to win
:Evelyn: Ugh. God.
Gloria slaps an employee, then it's on to the cast, complete with a shot of them following: "TONY WINNER NATHAN LANE," "EMMY WINNER MEGAN MULLALLY," "BOWEN YANG," "GRAMMY WINNER MEGAN THEE STALLION," "WITH AARON JACKSON AND JOSH SHARP," and "AND THE SEWER BOYS." Several other shots follow in rapid succession.
:Craig: Wow, a-a lady...boss! I guess it really is the year that it is.
Finally, "DICKS: THE MUSICAL" lights up. First, "DICKS:" lights up letter by letter, followed by "THE MUSICAL" lighting up underneath. Cut to Craig and Harris one last time.
:Craig: I'm sorry, did you say "Sewer Boys?"
Harris pulls off a sheet to reveal the Sewer Boys: two tiny creatures in a cage.
:Craig: Disgusting!
:Harris: They're not disgusting, they're gay culture!
Craig closes the cage, followed by "FEATURING HIT SONGS LIKE..." The next screen reads "'GAY OLD LIFE' 'ALL LOVE IS LOVE' 'OUT-ALPHA THE ALPHA' 'THE SEWER SONG' AND MANY MORE!" "SOON" lights up, followed by a brief shot of Gloria leading employees around on leashes, sticking out her tongue. The billing block follows.
Category:Trailer transcripts