Behold! The New Trainer Dogs! (Transcript)

NOTE: DO NOT BE CONFUSED IF TV IS SHOWN IN THIS EPISODE. PATRICK BROUGHT ELECTRICITY TO SWISS CITY IN "BEHOLD! THE CAKE OF WISDOM!"
*(The "Previously" screen shows scenes from "Behold! The Spongy Demon Dog!")
*(Theme plays)
*(The episode starts at SpongeBob's tent. He is watching TV, with several lottery numbers on his sofa.)
*TV Announcer: And now, it's "The Swiss Lottery!"
*SpongeBob: Why am I watching this? I never win.
*TV Announcer: Sponsored by Justin Bieber!
*(Justin Bieber comes on to SpongeBob's TV screen and SpongeBob reaches for the remote)
*SpongeBob: CELEBRITIES... RUIN... EVERYTHING!!!! (He switches the channel to STV, Swiss City's one-stop music channel) Hey, where's the bra gone?
*(A title card appears saying "Two Hours Later")
*(SpongeBob switches back to the lottery)
*TV Announcer: And the winning numbers are....
*(Patrick comes into SpongeBob's tent)
*SpongeBob: What the hell? You're not meant to be here!
*Patrick: Yes, I am. (checks hand-drawn compass) Looks like South to me! And Sensei's got an important (incessant gibberish)
*(SpongeBob walks up to Patrick)
*SpongeBob: Slow down!
*Patrick: Sensei's got an important announcement! Come to the training base.
*SpongeBob: You do realize I could have won a million dollars without you butting in?
*Patrick: Does this look like I realize anything to you? (close-up on a disturbing Patrick face)
*SpongeBob: GAH!!! (runs to training base. Sign on the right of base says "DISTURBED SPONGES WELCOME")
*(SpongeBob walks in on a large crowd.)
*SpongeBob: What's going on?
*Frugrum: We don't know yet! (The crowd run closer to the stage, crushing him to death in the process. He is shown as a squashed pancake afterwards.)
*Sensei: And the event I've brought you to see... the event that will change night walks in Swiss City forever... The event that -
*Little Kid: HOOPLA!
*Sensei: Oh, won't you please SHUT UP? The event that is.... druMr.oll please.... (Everyone bangs their knees)... the new trainer dogs!
*Zorg: Woopity-doop!
*Patrick: What's a dog?
*Unnamed Pirate #3: Arrrr, they be scurvy seadogs.
*SpongeBob: We're gonna get a dog! We're gonna get a dog! But I still don't know what dog means. But, we're gonna get a dog!
*Sensei: For those you nuts who don't know what a dog is... DON'T YOU EVER WATCH THE TV SHOW "ABOVE LIFE"? And for those of you dumb-ass nuts who don't watch that... HERE'S A DOG! (He holds up a brown Labrador puppy)
*Everyone (in unison) Awwwww....
*Sensei: Dogs aren't all fun and games, you know. I could put pictures of dog attacks up on the slideshows if you want.
*Evelyn: Dogs can attack?
*Sensei: JUST TAKE THE DOGS!!! (He faints, releasing many dogs. SpongeBob picks up a brown Poodle.)
*SpongeBob: Isn't it a bit cruel putting a dog in water?
*(Sensei wakes up)
*Sensei: That's what they said about Sandy. Put these on your dogs - (He holds up a few small water helmets) - and they'll be fine.
*Patrick: Cool! Like mini-Sandys! (He tries to squeeze one on his head) AAAAUUUGH!! MY SKULL! (We hear a cracking sound and Patrick takes the helmet off and is shown with a purple forehead.) You have it, dog. (He puts it on the dog, luckily. The dog is shown barely holding its breath a second before.)
*(The next scene cuts to the shop "WetPets".)
*Sandy: Wait a freaking second. There aren't any dog products here.
*Sword: There are products made of dogs -
*Sandy: QUIET, YOU.
*Patrick: Turn around!
*Sandy: Okay, but I'm not trusting a dumb pink starfish like you all the time. (turns around) DOG PRODUCTS! (We see a shelf saying "NEW DOG FOOD! FOR DOGS." All the Swiss City citizens run to the shelf and we see a montage of them buying many dog food brands, such as "Hard Bone ®", "Give the Dog a Bone!", "Sir Chewalot" and "Doggg!!! ™"
*SpongeBob: These dogs are gonna enjoy tonight. (They leave the shop)
*Patrick: Did you notice the name of that shop...'WetPets'? Hee hee...that sounds wrong.
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