We’re Cool! (Johnsonverse)

We’re Cool! is the name of an advertising campaign used by WBC from 1982-1984. The campaign was designed to promote their respective lineups, and to introduce WBC’s new mascots, The Radicals. It was written by Johnson Industries' then-owner, Phil Stacker, and performed by Jason Carmichael as Den.
== The campaign ==
In 1982,
=== Lyrics ===
W, B, C! We’re cool!(spoken) Yeah!
Coolness is our mottoWe’re radical, dude!Our new identityHas got attitude!
(spoken) In other words, this is what we tout. That it’s the baddest network there is, and it’s totally far out.
W, B, C! We’re cool!(spoken) Totally!
From ChocodileTo the railsAnd with a bit of luckSome awesome tales
W, B, C! We’re cool!(spoken) Exquisite!
We got so much styleYou won’t have a cowInstead, you’ll feelA huge, huge pow!W, B, C! We’re cool!(spoken) Gnarly!Sports and gamesSitcoms and soapsWBC is always thereWith rockin’ quality we can boastW, B, C! We’re cool!(spoken) Word!Just be watching usWe're the best we can beLook for great things to comeSo come to WBC(spoken) Yeah!
== “We’re Lame!” parody ==
The moves and failures of WBC under Phil Stacker’s management generated a feeling of embarrassment among many of the network’s employees; a few inside staffers composed an alternative jingle to express their disappointment.
Carmichael was brought in to record the jingle, and the same studio was used. The parody jingle was sent to various WBC affiliates across the country. Stacker himself was furious, and ordered every copy of the jingle destroyed; many copies still survive, however, including the masters, which Carmichael had kept immediately after the first batch of copies was made, and WBC uploaded the full jingle on June 1, 2013 (thirty-two years to the day when Stacker acquired the company). It was also performed by Carmichael during a 1983 episode of Saturday Night Live.
=== Lyrics ===
W, B, C! We’re lame!(spoken) Yeah!
Ever since Phil cameOur ratings badly turnedNow we’re in last placeAnd we’ve crashed and burned
(spoken) But who cares if it’s not the best? We’re still very, very proud nonetheless.
W, B, C! We’re lame!(spoken) Filled with turkeys!
A 10 rating,And an 8 share,You’d feel sorry for usBut nope, we don’t care!
W, B, C! We’re lame!(spoken) No duh!
We’re stuck in the pastAnd we’re screwing awayEffort is worth nothing anymoreThe network’s seen better days
W, B, C! We’re lame!(spoken) Barf us out!
Cheesy broadcastingAnd boring showsQuality is thrownOut the window
W, B, C! We’re lame!(spoken) Word!
Don’t even bother watching usWBC is deadSo thank you, StackerNow we are brown bread
(spoken) Yeah!
== Reception ==
The campaign was critically panned.
Category:Johnsonverse