How Cold Is It?

An annotated thermometer (degrees Fahrenheit) 
+50
New York tenants turn on the heat
Minnesotans plant gardens 
+40 
Californians shiver uncontrollably 
Minnesotans sunbathe 
+35 
Italian cars don't start 
+32 
Distilled water freezes 
+30 
You can see your breath 
You plan a vacation in Florida 
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless 
Minnesotans eat ice cream 
+25
Boston water freezes 
Californians weep pitiably
Cat insists on sleeping on your bed with you
+20
Cleveland water freezes
San Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
Minnesota Vikings fans put on T-shirts----YEAH!!!
+15
You plan a vacation in CANCUN!!!!!
Minnesotans go swimming
+10
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
Too cold to snow
You need jumper cables to get the car going
0
New York landlords turn on the heat
-5
You can hear your breath
You plan a vacation in Hawaii
-10
American cars don't start
Too cold to skate
-15
You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Miamians cease to exist
Minnesotans lick flagpoles
-20
Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
People in Minnesota think about taking down screens
-25
Too cold to kiss
You need jumper cables to get the driver going
Japanese cars don't start
Minnesota Twins head for spring training
-30
You plan a two-week hot bath
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
-38
Mercury freezes
Too cold to think
Minnesotans button top button
-40 
Californians disappear
Car insists on sleeping in your bed with you
Minnesotans put on sweaters
-50
Congressional hot air freezes
Alaskans close the bathroom window
Two Harbors Minnesota Agates practice indoors
-60
Walruses abandon Aleutians
Minnesotans put gloves away, take out mittens
Boy Scouts in Two Harbors Minnesota start Klondike Derby
-70
Minneapolis residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
Ridgeway snowmobilers organize trans-river race to Buffalo, WI
Lackore Boys start to complain while working on snowmobiles
-80
Polar bears abandon Baffin Island
Girl Scouts in Two Harbors Minnesota start Klondike Derby
-90
Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
Wisconsinites migrate to Minnesota thinking it MUST be warmer
-100
Santa Claus abandons North Pole
Minnesotans pull down earflaps
-173
Ethyl alcohol freezes
The University of Minnesota (Twin Cities Campus) closes
-445
Superconductivity
Lackore Boys quit working on snowmobiles.
-452
Helium becomes a liquid
-454
Hell freezes over
-456
Illinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90
-458
Incumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution
-460  (Absolute Zero) 
All atomic motion ceases
The University of Minnesota-Duluth is closed
Minnesotans alert us as to how it's getting a mite nippy