Gary Gasoline

====== Not to be confused with Garrymede, Gerald H., or Insect 392,234,144,323,530,351. ======
Gary Gasoline was a man who lived backward. He was birthed in 7 BB by his mother, Suzanna Gasoline, who was fucked by a Gigafracker 40300 and fertilized, hence Gary's creation. Garry had the unfortunate mishap of constantly sweating out a metric shitload of gasoline every single minute of his life. Due to his frequent expelling of natural gas, Gary was constantly fought over by fuel companies which greatly stressed him out causing him to sweat even more gasoline than normal which led to the fuel companies wanting to own him even more and so on and so forth. This absolute factorium of a cycle culminated in 42 BB when Gary spontaneously combusted due to stress, promptly igniting the gasoline he had been trailing behind him for quite literally his entire life. This began a chain reaction that incinerated 7 national parks, 12 sheep farms, 4 courthouses, the Chicago city bank, Benjamin Frunklin’s preserved left toe, a colonoscopy screening center, and the entire town of Goodsprings, Nevada. Additionally, this event is frequently cited as a major cause for Reality 12’s 2008 financial crisis, for some reason.
Category:Characters