One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish/Quotes

:Dr. Hibbert: Now, a little death anxiety is normal. You can expect to go through five stages. The first is denial.
:Homer: No way! Because I'm not dying!
:Dr. Hibbert: The second is anger.
:Homer: Why, you little...
:Dr. Hibbert: After that comes fear.
:Homer: [cringing] What's after fear? What's after fear?
:Dr. Hibbert: Bargaining.
:Homer: Doc, you gotta get me out of this! I'll make it worth your while!
:Dr. Hibbert: Finally, acceptance.
:Homer: Well, we all gotta go sometime.
:Dr. Hibbert: Mr. Simpson, your progress astounds me. If you have any more questions, feel free to look at this brochure.
:Dr. Hibbert hands Homer a brochure and departs office. The brochure shows the gates of Heaven opening.
:Homer: (reads title) So You are Going to Die... (he looks at Marge)
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:[Homer makes a videotape.]
:Homer: This is a videotape for my daughter, Maggie. Hi, Maggie! I'm speaking to you from beyond the grave. [making ghost noises] Woooo! Heh, heh, heh. Hope that didn't scare you. [now serious] Anyway, you're all grown up now. And unless you taped over this, you probably wanted to know what type of man your father was. He was a simple man, a kind man, who loved his children and...
:[The phone rings, interrupting Homer.]
:Homer: D'oh!
:[No one is home, so Homer answers the phone. As he does so, his rear end is visible to the camera and Homer is seen scratching it.]
:Homer: Hello! Yes, who is this? Bart's friend Milhouse? [shouting] BART! Get your butt down here!
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:[Homer is in jail, after being pulled over for speeding and then getting into an argument with the cops.]
:Homer: [talking to himself] Oh no, I can't call Marge. It's our last day on earth together. I can't drag her into this mess. Oh, I know, I'll call Barney!
:[Homer dials the Gumble residence, but gets an answering machine that sings "Nobody's Home" to the tune of Beethoven's Fifth.]
:Homer: Damn those novelty telephone answering machine tapes! [Leaving message] Thanks a lot, Barney! I just wasted my one phone call on your stupid ans--
:Barney: [in his apartment] [picks up phone] Hello! I'm home, I'm home! Oh, hi, Homer.
:Homer: You gotta help me, Barney. I'm in jail. 
:Barney: You are? Hey, Homer, go to the window. [waves across the street to Homer] Hiya, neighbor! I can see you!
:Homer: D'oh! Ju-Just get over here and make fifty dollars for bail!
:Barney: FIFTY BUCKS?! Whadja do, kill a judge?
----
:Homer: I'm sorry, officer. I know I was going too fast. Just give me a ticket.
:Eddie: I beg your pardon?
:Homer: Just give me a ticket!
:Lou: Oh. Well, that sounded like an order.
:Homer: I paid my taxes and they pay your salary! So when I say "give me a ticket," just give me a ticket!
:Eddie: Uh-huh. Maybe we don't wanna give you a ticket.
:Lou: Maybe we wanna haul butt in, wise guy.
:[Suddenly, they pushed Homer in prison.]
:Eddie: Hey, look what else your tax dollars pay for, huh?
:[Cell door shuts as Eddie and Lou laugh.]
----
:[Barney gives Homer a ride home and Homer grumbles about not having time to do all the things on his list. Then he sees Mr. Burns and Mr. Smithers girl-watching.]
:Homer: Hey, my boss!
:Mr. Burns: [looking through binoculars] Smithers, Check out the luscious pair on that redhead. [The view through the binoculars reveals that he's staring at her red stiletto shoes.] That's it, baby, work those ankles.
:Smithers: Ring-a-ding-ding, sir.
:Homer: [shouting] Hey, Burns! Eat my shorts!
:[Barney drives away at high speed]
:Mr. Burns: Who the Sam Hill was that?!
:Smithers: Why, it's Homer Simpson, sir, One of the schmoes from Sector 7-G.
:Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I want him in my office at 9:00 Monday morning. We'll see who eats whose shorts.
----
:Marge awakens and is shocked to see Homer is not next to her.
:Marge: Homer? Homer!
:Marge puts on bathrobe and goes downstairs. She sees a motionless Homer slumped in the armchair and thinks Homer has died.
:Marge: Oh, Homer.
:Marge sits in front of Homer, and touches his drool.
:Marge: His drool--it's warm. 
:Marge gasps and starts to shake Homer awake.
:Marge: He's alive!
:Marge: Homer! Homer, wake up! You're alive.
:Homer: Marge, stop it. Cut it out.
:Marge: Wake up, you're alive! You're alive! You're alive!
:Homer: What are you talking about?
:Marge: You're alive!
:Homer: I'm alive, and I couldn't be happier! From this day forward, I vow to live life to its fullest.
:As credits crawl, Homer is shown sitting on the couch watching bowling tournaments while eating a bag of Pork Rinds Lite.