Diaz's Fuck Fest XVI

Diaz's Fuck Fest XVI was the sixteenth edition of the biggest event in SvR06, held on August 16, 2020. The main attractions of the show were Batista defending the World Heavyweight Championship against Brock Lesnar and Laugh Like Pee-wee winner The Shark, Ricardo Diaz taking on Dynamite Derek, and Chance squaring off against Mike Tyson, and Jon Moxley facing "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in a Street Fight.
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==Background==
After months of swindling his way to victory, Christian finally met a challenge he couldn't overcome when he put the World Heavyweight Championship on the line against Batista at Speedbump. The Animal would take the champion's insurance policy Knox out of the equation with a spear through the barricade before finishing off Captain Charisma with a decisive Batista Bomb. Earlier in the evening, Brock Lesnar defeated five other combatants inside the dreaded Elimination Chamber to earn his spot in the Fest main event that had been vacated by the injured Shark. Following Batista's championship victory, Lesnar attempted to spoil the celebration by intending to shatter his leg with a steel chair in the same fashion he had done to The Shark. Fortunately for the new champion, The Shark returned in the nick of time to save him from the same fate he suffered at Laugh Like Pee-wee. Despite the well-time rescue, however, Batista laid out the returning Shark with a spear to remind him that having a mutual enemy did not make them friends. With the 2020 Laugh Like Pee-wee winner back from injury to claim his title opportunity, it appeared that the stage for the sixteenth Fest was set. However, Brock Lesnar's victory in the Chamber would provide a snag. He had earned the right to challenge for the title in lieu of The Shark's initial inability to compete. With two top contenders for the championship gold, there was no better option than to have the World Heavyweight Title be on the line at Diaz's Fuck Fest XIV in a Triple Threat match. These three men are no strangers to one another, as Batista was quick to remind Lesnar that he did at last year's Fest what Brock has never been able to do: pin The Shark. While Brock recognized this, he also pointed out that he defeated Batista at the event two years ago and that he only has to beat one of them to become the new champion. Tensions have already boiled over between The Beast and The Animal before this colossal main event, but one has to wonder if they are overlooking the presence of a hungry Shark that won't hesitate to devour their championship dreams in an instant.
At Speedbump, JBL presented the award of Mr. Fest to a man that he felt was most deserving of the title. That man was none other than Dynamite Derek, the man with the greatest record in the history of the Fest. Not only was he presented with a shiny trophy, but JBL gifted his personal hero with a brand new Dynamobile. Unfortunately, before Dynamite Derek could take it for a spin, Ricardo Diaz returned to wreak havoc on the vehicle. As he hadn't been seen since last year's Fest, a live homecoming celebration was prepared in honor of Diaz's return. But before he could get reacquainted with his home sweet home, Dynamite Derek trashed the festivities. The so-called hero of the people informed Diaz that if he was going to piss on his parade then he was going to return the favor. He claimed that honoring a true villain like Diaz was indicative of how lost the people have become and stated that the only way to restore order was to conquer the ultimate villain in Diaz. The King of Coke would respond by pointing out that it appeared that he was the true man of the people, which is why the Fest was named in his honor to begin with. Diaz would also own up to Dynamite Derek's accusations about his character, but claimed that while he's tried to become more legit over the years that all Dynamite has done is become more of a tyrant and put on a helmet that makes him look even more like a "dickhead." Diaz agreed to allow Dynamite Derek the opportunity to conquer him at the Fest, but warned him that he will be the one who has the people on his side, and that the man of the people sometimes has friends in low places. It's the man with the greatest record in the history of the Fest versus the man whose namesake the event is held for at Diaz's Fuck Fest XVI!
After defeating Kurt Angle for his Olympic medal with the assistance of his patented gold knuckles, Chance has been declaring himself the true Olympic Hero. At Speedbump, the two would clash again for the coveted prize and the contest would play out nearly identically as it had before. This time, however, there was an added element in the mix. That was none other than the presence of boxing legend Mike Tyson, who was on hand to show his support for Angle. Iron Mike would bring to the referee's attention that Chance had used the foreign object unbeknownst to him. This prompted the match being restarted, which would end nearly as quickly as it began when Angle swiftly applied the ankle lock to win back his most prized possession. Afterwards, Chance would demand an apology from Tyson. Though it may not have been the most heartfelt, Tyson would oblige. Unfortunately, he would soon learn that Chance isn't the forgiving type. The Golden Boy clocked a distracted Tyson with the infamous gold knuckles before exacting an even more heinous revenge by removing the boxer's gold tooth with a pair of pliers. An eye for an eye, and a gold tooth for a gold medal are the rules that Chance seems to live by. After fashioning the tooth into a necklace, Chance reiterated his foremost Golden Rule that "when he sees gold, he takes it." He claimed that Tyson may be considered the Baddest Man on the Planet, but stated that when you step into the SvR06 ring that you're in his world. Never one to be at a loss for words, Tyson would respond by claiming that he wanted to step inside Chance's world again at Diaz's Fuck Fest XVI. He continued by claiming that all he could taste at Speedbump when Chance stole his tooth was his own blood, and noted that he wanted him to know what that was like. Tyson would initiate a brawl with Chance, but security managed to diffuse the situation before The Golden Boy could be touched any further. Tyson instead took out his frustration by knocking out a handful of the security instead. Chance agreed to step into the ring with Tyson at the Fest, but only at the Fest. He specifically had it written into the match contract that if Tyson lays a hand on him before then, the match is off. Chance would continue to goad Tyson, claiming that he was going to beat him worse than Buster Douglas and that they'd have to lock him away for what he was going to do, something he claimed Tyson should know all about. The legendary Tyson would keep a cooler head, however, instead focusing his frustrations on the punching bag with Chance's face taped to it. The gloves are coming off at the Fest, but while Chance has won many fights with a loaded right hook, Tyson won't need a foreign object to win the match with his.
Since first popping up in the world of SvR06, Jon Moxley has proven to be a walking bad attitude who does as he chooses. In the months since his arrival, he has attacked then-General Manager of Arrested Developmental Ted DiBiase, swayed the result of Dr. Meinheimer's massive main event, and was the runner up in the 30-man Laugh Like Pee-wee match. However, possibly the biggest impact he made was when he assaulted "Stone Cold" Steve Austin while he was carrying out his guest referee duties at Speedbump. Moxley would expand upon his actions by noting how foolish Austin has looked chasing down JBL and Big Show for their attack on him at Dr. Meinheimer whenever he was the one who put Stone Cold's head through that car window. Moxley noted that he had a brief run in Arrested Developmental years prior, and claimed that the reason that run was so brief was apparently due to a certain Rattlesnake expressing that he didn't think he could cut it. Moxley continued by claiming that the experience made him feel broken, but that instead of "resting on his laurels" he confronted the source of his anguish and decided to cut the head off the Rattlesnake. In the weeks that followed, Moxley would receive an opportunity at the Main Event Championship against Pentagon Jr. However, the match came to an abrupt end when Austin entered the ring and dropped Moxley with a Stone Cold Stunner. Moxley would respond by claiming that since his enemy has returned fire, the only conclusion must be that it's time for the two to go to war. Austin agreed, and named the place as Diaz's Fuck Fest. Since Stone Cold picked the turf, Moxley took it upon himself to name the rules and suggested it be a no holds barred, falls count anywhere Street Fight! Austin toasted his opponent by opening a Steveweiser, but Moxley slapped it out of his hand. He claimed that Austin has gone soft with time, but that he's only grown stronger. He claimed that this isn't the same Jon Moxley that he poisoned with his venomous words years ago, but rather one that has become immune to Rattlesnake venom. Austin admitted to not believing in Moxley before, but claimed to see something different in the man's eyes now. But he clarified that they aren't having a staring contest at the Fest, and that it's going to take more than a glare to outmatch the ass-whooping he has coming to him.
It was in the main event of last year's Fest that the alliance between JBL and J-Pac collapsed in front of everyone's eyes. With a treacherous Clothesline from Hell, JBL betrayed J-Pac and assisted Dynamite Derek in achieving victory in the winner-take-all match. Over the course of the year, JBL has abused his authority to keep J-Pac down while the Infinity Kid has remained a thorn in the side of the commissioner. At Speedbump, things officially came to a head when the two finally had the opportunity to square off in the ring. With JBL's position as commissioner hanging in the balance, it appeared to be wrapped up for J-Pac until referee "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was incapacitated. After a knockout punch from a referee shirt-clad Big Show, JBL secured the victory and his seat as acting commissioner. Despite his apparent victory, the result would be disputed by Kane. He noted that Big Show was not the acting official for the match, and claimed that he felt that the fans deserved to see JBL and J-Pac face off fair and square. Therefore, Kane decided to go over JBL's head and set a rematch for the two at Diaz's Fuck Fest. Enraged by the decision, JBL would unleash his attack dog Big Show on Kane to get even. J-Pac pointed to this heinous attack as a prime example of why JBL is choking out SvR06 and needs to go. He continued by claiming that it was that which brought him to a conclusion. He's been going too easy on attempting to combat JBL's corruption. Instead, he's realized that the only thing it's going to take is to face JBL in a match where he can beat him so badly that he won't be able to leave the ring to resume his duties as commissioner. A match that he has forged his legacy in throughout his career: Hell in a Cell!
At Speedbump, six men competed inside the Elimination Chamber for the chance to main event Diaz's Fuck Fest XVI with the World Heavyweight Championship on the line. After all other opponents had been dispatched, the brutal Chamber would come down to seasoned rivals Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker. Just as The Phenom seemed to be closing in on victory, an army of demented circus clowns forced their way into the Chamber and assaulted The Undertaker. Lesnar would take advantage of the attack and punched his ticket for the Fest with a final F-5. The actions and theatrics in the Chamber were unmistakably those of Damaged Wing. The Undertaker, however, was not amused. The Deadman insisted that the demented Wing show himself rather than hide in the shadows, but instead was only answered by a shower of balloons from the ceiling, each informing the miffed mortician that he was "invited." Undertaker would persist, but once again was only given an urn with spring-loaded "snakes" inside with the same message inscribed on them. Seemingly left with no other choice, The Undertaker would accept the invitation. This led Damaged Wing to break his silence, elaborating that the invitation is to a party like no other: Diaz's Fuck Fest. Wing claimed that Undertaker was the tragedy to his comedy, and for that reason, he wanted to bring down the grim facade of The Phenom. Wing stated that many have tried to put a smile on the callused face of The Undertaker, and that he plans on breaking him down at the Fest to the point that he'll be left with no other choice.
Despite the rift between the members of the Very European Union, Cesaro carried his Very European Championship into battle against "Macho Man" Randy Savage at Speedbump. In the end, a well-scouted roll-up would bring the title into Savage's possession. However, things didn't end there. Sheamus stormed the ring, putting the boots to the new champion along with Cesaro. Just then, the pairing of William Regal and Rene Dupree hit the ring. Though it appeared at first that both sides may square off, all four men would turn their attention to Savage. The quartet would then savagely maul Macho Man, proving that the Very European Union was not fractured but rather stronger than ever. On July 4th, it was officially revealed that after his victory over Cesaro that Macho Man would be reinstating the United States Championship. The title would be presented to the new champion by former title-holder Kurt Angle. Unfortunately for the two, the fanfare would once again be short-lived when the Very European Union stormed the ring. With the two men outnumbered by their four adversaries, it appeared that members of the Very European Union were going to spoil the Fourth of July festivities for the second year in a row. That was until the familiar tune of Real American rang throughout the arena like liberty bells and Hulk Hogan made his way down to make the save. While most of the Very European Union were propelled from the ring by Hogan's blows, William Regal wasn't as lucky. The Hulkster dropped him with his signature boot and atomic leg drop. Hogan informed the remaining members of the team that they could buy him a dump truck and call him Duke Droese because he, Kurt Angle, and the Macho Man are coming to Diaz's Fuck Fest to take out the Eurotrash!
Over the course of their rivalry with Walter P. Wiley and the Abomination of Desolation, The Pranksters formed an alliance with Chris Jericho. Although three seemed to be a crowd at times, the duo didn't refuse his help against such an opposing force. At Laugh Like Pee-wee, The Pranksters were set to defend their World Tag Team titles against Walter's terrible tandem. Unfortunately, a masked man wearing a familiar flat cap assaulted Nateflix backstage with a steel pipe before the match could commence. With half of the champions taken out of the commissioner, the titles were ultimately vacated. After weeks of accusations that he was responsible for the attack, Walter directed the number-one contenders to disrupt a match between the Steiners and demanded that they receive the title shot that they earned right there at Speedbump. Ben and Jericho obliged, charging the ring to kick off the battle to crown the new champions. In the end, the AOD proved to be too formidable of a challenge for the pairing to overcome. After the bout, Ben went to assist his fallen partner when Jericho proceeded to deliver a blow below the belt in return. To explain his actions, Jericho claimed that he did what he did for Nateflix. He elaborated that it was Ben who took his tag partner out of commission and framed Walter because he couldn't stand to share the spotlight with anyone else. He claimed it was that same thing that motivated him to throw their opportunity to become tag team champions. Ben offered a different explanation. He suggested that it was really Jericho that attacked Nateflix at Laugh Like Pee-wee because he was tired of playing third wheel. He speculated that Jericho saw his career backsliding after his devastating loss to Brock Lesnar at last year's Fest and decided to latch on to The Pranksters like a parasite because he saw it as an opportunity to maintain his relevance. Ben suggested that Jericho could have simply eliminated a few steps and faced him under the bright lights of Diaz's Fuck Fest. Jericho accepted, promising to expose Ben as a fraud to the whole world and especially Nateflix.
At Speedbump, six competitors entered the Elimination Chamber to compete for an opportunity at the World Heavyweight Championship in the main event of the Fest. DEFAULT was unsuccessful in achieving victory, but managed to eliminate Sevendust from the contest before meeting a similar fate. In the weeks that followed, Sevendust would once again deliver cryptic messages regarding the "sins of the father" without any clear explanation. The foreboding sermons would eventually point to DEFAULT, with Sevendust claiming that the son must pay for his father's past indiscretions against him. DEFAULT noted that he's always stood by and made no apologies for who he is, but refused to allow Sevendust to seek vengeance for his family's actions through him. With that established, DEFAULT added that he's never backed down from a challenge before and that he won't start with Sevendust, vowing to put an end to his torment at the Fest.
With the Fest comes the annual Money in the Bank Ladder match. This year, Drew Thunder became the first man to announce his intentions to pull down the contract after he came up short in the number-one contender's Elimination Chamber. This caught the attention of The Kingpin, who felt robbed after being rendered unable to compete in the Chamber thanks to a Gore from Rhyno. Kingpin informed The Master of Drew-Jitsu that he had his opportunity at a title match in the Chamber, so he should get to the back of the line. The two would square off to earn some extra momentum before the event, but it was yet another appearance by The Kingpin's former partner Rhyno that would bring the victory home for Drew Thunder. The Man Beast has sent a clear message that not only is he not moving on from The Kingpin's betrayal, but that he wants his shot at the Money in the Bank contract as well. Meanwhile, Rob Van Dam and Rey Mysterio have followed up on their Speedbump encounter by enacting a sort of friendly rivalry with one another. However, there's a snake lurking in the apple tree of paradise. Carlito has attempted to pit the two friends against each other, telling both men separately that he's overheard both of them saying that they will be winning Money in the Bank this year and that the other doesn't stand a chance. Things came to a head when they competed in a Triple Threat match with Carlito, as the two continued to step on each other's toes, allowing the cocky Caribbean to pick up the victory. Friend or foe, ally or enemy, only one many can claim the contract at Diaz's Fuck Fest XVI.
The Laugh Like Pee-wee match always brings out a few surprises, and this year saw the appearance of none other than the Dog-Faced Gremlin himself, Rick Steiner. Steiner would have a good showing for a few moments, but a split second later would find himself eliminated at the deceitful hands of his brother Scott. At Speedbump, the two brothers were scheduled to settle their family feud in the ring. Unfortunately, before the two ever had the opportunity to lock up, they were assaulted by the impatient number-one contenders to the tag team titles, the Abomination of Desolation. AOD would subsequently become World Tag Team Champions, changing the entire landscape for the division. Walter P. Wiley was beaming with pride over the victory, claiming that Snitsky and Heidenreich demoralized Ben Unhinged and Chris Jericho to the point that it looked like they'd never team again. Walter vowed that his two monsters would live up to their namesake and desolate the entire tag team division before all was said and done. This caught the attention of none other than the newly reunited Steiner Brothers, who claimed that all AOD did was bring the two closer together again. Scott informed Walter that he could save his "vowels" for his next marriage, but suggested that it wouldn't last long anyway because the Big Bad Booty Daddy will be leaving Diaz's Fuck Fest with their tag team titles and their girlfriends.
After Mark Jindrak recaptured the Intercontinental Championship with the assistance of a mysterious green mist from underneath the ring, it was decided that a Fatal 4-Way would be contested at Speedbump to determine who would challenge for the title at the upcoming Fest. Naturally, of the four opponents in the bout, Jindrak was pulling for the victory of his ally Tajiri. In the end, after battling back against the odds, the Japanese Buzzsaw would prove successful all on his own merit. After his victory, Tajiri celebrated with both Jindrak and Chris Masters when the duo suddenly turned and delivered a vicious beatdown on the new number one contender. Jindrak would later reveal that their alliance with Tajiri was nothing more than a ploy because he was so easy to manipulate. He also noted that of all the potential challengers for his title, he knew that Tajiri would be the easiest to beat at the Fest, citing how opposite their records were in singles competition. Tajiri would attempt to retaliate against the treacherous duo, but instead found himself restrained by The Masterlock. However, the wily Tajiri had an ace up his sleeve. As Jindrak berated his challenger while he was in the hold, Tajiri misted the champion in the eyes and escaped their clutches. Will Tajiri remedy his imperfect record at the Fest or will Jindrak's undefeated streak at the event live on?
==Results==
No.	Results 	Stipulations
1P 	The Big O and Contessa di Su def. The Shithouses (Josh the Cat & Jushin Tiger) (with Chewbacca) 	Tag team match
2P 	Bubba Ray def. Shelton Benjamin, Chavo Guerrero, Charlie Haas, Most Valuable Primate, and Sonic El Hedge 	SvR06 & Arrested Developmental Battle Royal where the winning roster can recruit a member of the other
1 	Tajiri def. Mark Jindrak (c) (with Chris Masters) 	Singles match for the Intercontinental Championship
2 	The Abomination of Desolation (Snitsky & Heidenreich) (c) (with Walter P. Wiley) def. The Steiner Brothers (Rick Steiner & Scott Steiner)	Tag team match for the World Tag Team Championship
3 	Edge def. Rey Mysterio, Carlito, Drew Thunder, Rob Van Dam, and The Kingpin 	Money in the Bank Ladder match
4 	Sevendust def. DEFAULT 	Singles match
5 	Ben Unhinged def. Chris Jericho 	Singles match
6 	"Stone Cold" Steve Austin def. Jon Moxley 	Street Fight
7 	Goldberg def. Suggs McGee (with Daivari) 	Singles match
8 	J-Pac def. JBL  	Hell in a Cell match
9 	The Undertaker def. Damaged Wing 	Singles match
10 	Mike Tyson def. Chance 	Singles match
11 	Ricardo Diaz def. Dynamite Derek by disqualification 	Singles match
12 	Hulk Hogan, Kurt Angle, and "Macho Man" Randy Savage def. The Very European Union (Sheamus, Cesaro, & Rene Dupree) 	Six-man tag team match
13 	Batista (c) def. Brock Lesnar and The Shark 	Triple Threat match for the World Heavyweight Championship