Chapter 7- Vroom Vroom

~Vroom Vroom~
The silly heart boy, tamagotchi, plant cluster, plague mask, and blue record walked onto the illuminated tarmac featuring a sh*t load of racers.
All here for the ticket that could win them the chance of a lifetime.
Surely Cupid couldn’t be the only one who hoped to use that chance for something rather distasteful. 
Our crew’s rehearsed, epic entrance, unfortunately, gained only a few cursory glances from surrounding drivers, much to the disappointment of Cupid, who had spent all day planning and practicing this with the others.
“Well shucks, that did absolutely nothing,” Cupid pouted disappointedly.
“So much for scaring the other racers off,” Kelpie shrugged, “Guess we’ll have to rely on good ‘ol skill.”
“Or Samuile could do some uncanny magic sh*t to freak ‘em out!” Cupid waved his arms around.
Samuile began to move before the girls glared at him, much to Cupid’s disappointment.
“A fancy entrance is reasonable. Attempting to traumatize the competition is not.” Tami clarified.
Cupid sighed and looked around at the competition. *descriptive words here*. “Well, at least our killer appearances and epic rides still make us look cool. That may be able to intimidate some others.” he pointed out.
“Not if we’re just standing here like idiots. We’re wasting time, come on!” Kelpie slithered forward into the rough mass ahead.
“Everyone remembers our objective?” Cupid asked as he and the others followed Kelpie through the thick crowd. Luckily, her long, green tail made a clear path that was easy to follow.
“Of course. You, Tami, Kelpie, and I split up to have a higher chance of winning while Sam focuses on sabotaging the other racers.” King answered while striding over to where her black motorcycle was. *more descriptive words about the bike here*.
“I… actually think I’m going to sit out for this. Loud, dangerous races where everyone’s trying to crash everyone else’s rides aren’t really my thing.” Tami grimaced.
“Aw, but everyone loves you! You’d practically have immunity! Besides, we have Sam looking out for all of us.” Cupid reassured her, Sam nodding behind him.
“I know, but besides that, I don’t really have any vehicle fast enough to compete.” Tami pointed out, sighing.
“Alright, I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to. ‘Could be fun, though. I’ve played Mario Kart before, and that was fun, how different could this be?” Cupid shrugged.
“The hell is Mario Kart?” Kelpie questioned.
“I… don't actually know.”
*small bit where random guy gives Tami monster truck keys.*
“Ok, I guess I am participating then. Thank you!” Tami waved after the kind stranger.
“Didn’t you just say…” King inquired.
“Well, yes, but it would be rude to turn that *species or gender here*’s kind offer down,” Tami was trying her best not to show how excited she was, “Besides, monster truck!” she squealed.
“Fair, fair,” King smiled.
After clarifying more details of their plan, such as what routes would be fastest and which riders they’d need to deal with first, everyone split up to locate where their vehicles had been placed earlier by staff.
Cupid approached the not-so-subtle neon pink sports convertible he had bought specifically for this occasion. Purple LED hearts and bright cyan lighting pulsated along the car's sides, casting an ethereal glow and perfectly hiding some… modifications Cupid had specifically asked for.
Nothing too crazy, just some preloaded blasters and other weapons he could activate with the press of a button. He'd spared no expense, ensuring his car was a mix of style and cunning.
After all, Samuile couldn’t handle everything for him, Cupid would need to have some backup weapons for when Sam was busy helping one of the others.
Cupid shifted his gaze up at the competition. From small, sleek hovercrafts to the unreasonably large monster truck gifted to Tami (seriously, that *species or gender* must have been compensating for something), each racer seemed to embody the unique spirit of their vehicles, showcasing extraordinary designs and technology. A few of the creatures even doubled as their vehicles themselves.
Amidst the vibrant chaos of the crowd, Cupid noticed a particular figure making their way towards him. *insert Nirva description here.*
Their eyes sparked as they approached the silly heart boy leaning up against his ride. 
“Well howdy there partner! Looks like you’re  geared up for an exciting race today, aren’t ya? ‘Name’s Nirvana, world champion and host of this here race.” They spoke with a warm southern drawl, the kind that used to be popular around the old Texas area.
Cupid grinned, caught slightly off guard with how friendly they were despite what Tami had warned against. “Howdy yourself! Sure does look like we have ourselves some thrilling competition. Especially you,” Cupid would have winked if he could, settling instead to give the kind critter a finger gun, because honestly what else does he ever do. 
“It's an honor to be racing beside ya, mate.”
“Don’t you know it, darlin’! Don’t be fooled, o’ course. Once racing, I won’t hesitate to crush ya!” They chuckled and played it off as a joke, giving Cupid a hearty pat on the shoulder,  which was so hearty it knocked the wind out of him.
“Now, now, I won’t go down that easily,” Cupid went along with it, gesturing to the pink ride behind him.
“Now that’s one snazzy looking vehicle! How cute. A fine mix of style and… surprises, I reckon?” they chuckled, a knowing glint in their eyes.
Cupid chuckled nervously, not wanting to give away too much just yet, "Ah, just a little flair for the show, you know how it is," he replied, trying to steer the conversation away from his alterations.
Nirvana nodded with a knowing smile, clearly adept at reading between the lines. "Well, best of luck to ya, partner. May the best racer win," they said with a tip of an imaginary hat before continuing down the line to greet other competitors.
Cupid watched Nirvana walk away for a moment before sliding into his flashy pink convertible with a newfound sense of determination. The talk with Nirvana had made him even more apprehensive than before. Adjusting his controls and assuring that all his weapons were ready to go, he revved the engine. The hum of the vehicle matching his racing heartbeats.
He peeked at his friends for a brief moment to see them each doing their own final checks. King sat regally poised atop her jet-black motorcycle, face hidden by an ominous helmet. Kelpie _. Tami, looking rather small inside the enormous monster truck, looked both enthusiastic and slightly overwhelmed.
Meanwhile, Samuile’s calculated movements avoided attention as he slithered through the shadows, smoky tendrils reaching out from under his cloak and into their competition rides, completely unnoticed. His eyes glowed a brighter green as he prepared to cause whatever chaos was needed to ensure his friend’s victories.
Cupid’s attention was snatched away by The Commentator before he could see what else Sam had planned.
“Greetings ladies and wonderbeasts!” Cupid watched a grinning, purple xylon dragon wearing a top hat and bowtie perched atop an announcer’s ledge twirl a microphone in his talon. He recognized the voice from many other competitive venues. Commentator was a famous individual, known for being one of the primary creations that the Queen had made before she disappeared. He was known throughout the multiverse for his smooth, charismatic speech and charming lime eyes.
He tended to be rather socially awkward in small groups though. Poor guy practically had the opposite of stage fright.
The crowd’s cheers echoed throughout the street, ecstatic to begin.
“Now, now. Commentator’s sure you’re all very impatient to watch our lovely champion wipe the floor with these foolish competitors, but we have a special treat for you today! Introducing the illustrious Nirvana, our reigning world champion and host of this sure-to-be-violent spectacle!”
The crowd shouted even louder as Nirvana came out from behind Commentator, who dipped his deep purple top hat down at the smaller creature.
"Thank ya kindly, folks! It's an honor to be here with y'all. But let me remind ya, it ain't just about winning. It's about the thrill of the race, the spirit of competition, and the joy of giving it your all!” Their words echoed with a genuine enthusiasm that resonated through the assembled racers, drawing them into the infectious energy, “One kind reminder before we get started here, cheatin’ and other forms of meddling are fine as long as the chaos covers up whodunnit. Give me a holler if anyone gets seriously injured, can’t have that liability now can we? Stay safe y’all, but still kick some sorry @ss!"
With a wink, Nirvana made their way toward their vehicle, *description of The Ugly B@stard here*. The crowd erupted into cheers and applause as Nirvana gracefully entered The Ugly B@stard, exuding an air of confidence that was hard to miss.
As the excitement escalated, the countdown to the race commenced, the atmosphere crackling with anticipation. Each second echoed through Cupid as he adjusted his gloved grip on the steering wheel.
“Five!”
Amidst the chaos and fervor, King's voice resonated through a hidden comm device in Cupid’s heart-shaped shades. He turned to look at her.
"Team, confirm positions," King’s voice was calm and assertive.
“Four!”
Kelpie’s voice cut through the tension, laced with determination. “Ready to go, let's teach these amatures a lesson.”
“Three!”
Sam’s chirps crackled through the speaker, distorted by static glitches.
“Two!”
Tami’s voice crackled in, excitement and anxiety obvious in her tone. "Uh, guys, I think this truck might have a flamethrower button? Should I…? Wait, never mind, that’s probably not a smart idea, is it?" Her nervous laughter echoed briefly through the comm before she took a steadying breath. "Okay, ready! just wish me luck, here goes nothing!"
“One!”
“Right here love, let's get this show on the road.” Cupid turned away from King, focusing his attention onto the racetrack ahead of him as he revved the convertible’s engine, adrenaline surging through his veins.
The starting pistol went off and Cupid almost went deaf from the amount of noise that surrounded him. His heart pounded with exhilaration as he blurted out an excited “WHOO HOO!” His pink convertible shot ahead, neon lights streaking past many competing racers. The rush of wind threw his clothes back as he swiftly navigated through the initial chaos, strategizing his path while dodging other racers' aggressive maneuvers.
As competitors surged forward, many of Sam’s sabotages took hold of them, loosening bolts, disrupting navigation systems, and other sudden malfunctions, causing many racers to stop or slow down, perfectly leaving gaps for Cupid and the others to advance.
The Ugly B@stard shot past, leaving barely enough time for Cupid to read a massive ‘F*CK YOUUUUU!’ painted along the side in neon green.
“How was that for a start folks! Right off the bat Nirvana surges past the tangled chaos of the starting line, rushing ahead of the chaos and crashes now behind them. Will they be able to keep their lead?”
“Sh*t! They’re fast,” Kelpie’s voice broke through the comm.
“I warned you! Nirvana’s been hard at work racing for years. They aren’t just world champion for fun!” Tami cut in.
The race thundered on as the vehicles whizzed through the illuminated tracks, neon lights casting streaks of vibrant colors across the bustling cityscape. Many had managed to escape the tangle of the start, and set their sights on passing Cupid and the crew.
King skillfully dived past the other racers, her voice cutting in, "I've got a few tailgaters trying to cut me off. Sam, any chance of a little surprise for them?"
Static and crackling could be heard through the device as tentacles whipped out from the surrounding alleyways closest to King.
"It seems like we have some obstacles ahead!" The Commentator chimed in, narrating the scene as King skillfully dodged the hindrances. "Excellent maneuvering, Royal Glide, but can the others break through? NO! They’re snatched up by the darkness! Good try, you two. Better luck next time!”
“Excellent work, mate.” King praised Samuile, earning glitched, happy chirps in response.
Cupid continued speeding towards first place, which was still, unsurprisingly, held by Nirvana. The Ugly B@stard, unlike the cars behind it, remained completely unscathed despite multiple sabotage attempts.
The racetrack wound its way through the Gluttony district, passing through a mesmerizing display of shimmering billboards, each advertising various clubs, bowling alleys, arcades, and entertainment venues that promised to fulfill any and all indulgences. The air hummed with the pulsating beat of music from clubs and the enthusiastic chatter of crowds.
"Tami here, need some backup! I think someone just shot at me?" Tami’s appalled voice pierced through the comm device.
“Ooh, look at that! A skirmish has arisen between Infernal Havoc and the Banana Buster. Infernal Havoc’s new driver seems unsure of what to do! Let's hope she makes it through alright, folks!”
“THIS TRUCK’S NAME IS WHAT?” Tami screeched through the device.
Oh, hell no. No one’s touching Cupid’s baby.
Cupid wildly tried to locate her, his heart racing as he assessed the situation. He easily found the massive truck, and without a second thought, activated his car's concealed weapons. The panels on the sides of his flashy convertible slid open with a smooth mechanical whir, as he jerked the steering wheel towards the fight.
"I gotcha, love! The rest of you, cover me!" Cupid called out, his voice laced with determination as he prepared to engage in the impending skirmish. “Tami, it may be a good time to use that flamethrower button!”
“What an unexpected turn of events! It seems like the Blushing Bolt wants a piece of the action!”
Oh, it sure did.
Cupid laughed as he set one of his g*ns on the accelerator and stood on the driver’s seat, one foot on the wheel. For safety of course. His remaining gun quickly got scooped up and started spewing bullets in the direction of the Banana Buster, successfully directing its attention away from Tami for a moment.
“Alright!! NOW Tami!!” 
She smacked the button down and swerved slightly. Cupid looked around for the stream of fire that was supposed to come but instead was met with a welcoming ball of fire coming his direction.
He shrieked, like a goat.
“ShIIIII-” He grabbed his g*ns and launched himself towards Tami’s vehicle just as the Blushing Bolt went up in a ball of flames. Now, being a very well trained assassin, of course Cupid knew how to do a double backflip while escaping a fiery death, duh. 
And he stuck the landing too, right onto the hood of Tami’s new ride.
“My cAR!” he wailed. There goes his several million dollar investment.
“CUPID! Oh my goodness I'm so sorry,” Tami apologized. “I don’t know how this truck works!”
“That's alright, love,” Cupid forced a grin as he pulled himself into the back of the truck. He didn't have that much emotional attachment to the car, “I can probably defend you better back here, anyway.” He loaded a sniper with some sleep darts and aimed at the driver in that ridiculous banana vehicle.
“Looks like the Blushing Bolt’s racer is still in! But wait! What’s this? I’m getting word on action at the front end of the race!”
Though the back of the truck was not an easy place to aim from- let alone the constant swerving from both Tami and the enemy driver- Cupid just barely managed to hit the driver in the neck. They passed out almost instantly, sending the Banana buster veering off to the side.
“Nirvana is coming up on the final stretch of this completely and totally fair race! Not too far behind is the… hang on… Neptune’s Roar!”
“Oh sh*t, that’s Kelpie!” King exclaimed.
“This is the closest anyone has come to beating them in a long while! Granted it’s still several miles back but it’s honestly impressive Neptune made it that far! Let’s all cheer them on!” Commentator’s enthusiasm grew.
The spectators crowded around the road roared in response.
“Aaaaaand to be expected, Nirvana passed the finish line with no worries at all! Congrats on another wonderful race! Everyone meet back in the pits in 45 minutes, if you still can. See ya then!”
“F*CK!” Kelpie angrily shouted. Cupid thought he heard a loud bang from the other side of the intercom.
He could hear sighs of disappointment from his companions, his own heart sinking in his chest.
Well, that was a waste of time. And more importantly, a few million blooms.
Oh well, he’d just have to find some other way to get into the Emperix’s party.
“That’s alright, gang. We’ll get them next time.” Cupid comforted as Infernal Havoc crossed the finish line.
“Well, on the plus side, you guys heard what Commentator said. Kelpie got closer to beating them than anyone else has in years! That’s gotta count for something, right?” Tami attempted to cheer up the rest of her moping friends.
“Yeah, yeah. Still pissed I failed, but who cares about that stupid ticket anyway.” Kelpie snorted.
Tami steered the truck back to the pits like Commentator said to. Traffic getting in was terrible. Half of the cars couldn’t drive straight after that bloodbath, and half of them couldn’t even drive at all.
45 minutes turned into 5 as they finally managed to make it past the overcrowded gates.
Funky background music was playing from a DJ in the corner and those who would still form coherent sentences were deep in conversation with other creatures around. The main crowd was piled by the center stage, waiting for everyone to arrive so the closing ceremony could start.
Cupid and Tami went to meet the others near the back (cause that was the only place they could get to), Cupid awkwardly clutching several various g*ns in his arms.
“Is everyone okay?” Tami asked as they walked up.
“Fine and dandy.”
“I’m alright.”
“About as good as I can be.”
*Chirps*
“Glad to hear it.” Tami beamed, and they all sat down to hear what Commentator had to say as he walked onstage.
“What a race folks! Haven’t seen one as entertaining as that since the last time Nirvana decided to race with the flu! Put the words ‘Vomit Comet’ to a whole new meaning” 
That got some chuckles from the crowd, probably regulars who knew what happened then.
“Now, with that out of the way, it’s time to announce our winners!”
The audience clapped once again as Nirvana appeared on stage.
"Thank y’all kindly. First off, I'd like to congratulate all the racers. Y'all gave it your all, and that's what matters most. But there can only be one winner, and once again, that title goes to yours truly,” They tipped an imaginary hat, with the crowd giving mixed responses, though mostly cheers. 
“Now, to you newbies, this may seem unfair because I always win. But as I mentioned before the race, it's not just about winning. It’s about the thrill of the ride! The spirit of competition! All that sappy but valuable stuff, and I truly believe that there was one racer today who really caught on to that.”
“Wait, what's happening?” Cupid whispered to his companions. Murmurs rippled through the crowd.
“While not a standard win, I haven’t seen anyone with the kind of focus driven grit seen on that road out there tonight. I think it’s only fittin’ that we reward our second place racer with our first place prize, for beatin’ a record that’s been held for decades. So, without further ado, beating a second place record of 3.5 miles behind me, was Neptune’s Roar with 3.1 miles back! Everyone please applaud its driver as they make their way up here to join me!”
Kelpie shot up from her seat, her previous frustration forgotten as she cheered with excitement and found her way on stage.
Nirvana held their arms out to present kelpie to the crowd, “Don’t be modest hun, you earned it, show off a bit. Ooh boy, now that’s one proud predator!”
Kelpie raised her hands triumphantly as the crowd erupted with praise, somebody threw an orange at her.
Once the applause began to die down, Nirvana turned back to her again. “Here you are, hun. I believe you’ve earned these.” They smiled and handed her a large, iridescent trophy, as well as the ticket everyone had been waiting for in a sealed ziplock baggie. Kelpie graciously accepted, then picked up the orange as well. She held them high for one last standing ovation.
King leaned over to Tami, “It looks like we didn't leave empty handed after all.”
Tami nodded, sparkling with pride for her friend.
“Good job, darlin,” Nirvana earnestly patted Kelpie on the back, before gesturing for her to rejoin her friends.
“Let’s get a move on, I am NOT waiting in that damn traffic again.” Kelpie said immediately after returning. This was met with an overwhelming agreement from everyone else, “I’ll drive.”