The Good Fortune Papers

The Good Fortune Papers is a Great Ahea nationalist newspaper run by BarackOtamatone. Made with the intention of promoting Ahean culture and contributing to the nation, the Papers were a great success, although very short-lived. Despite the availability of several unwritten articles (found below), only a single edition was released. Common positions of the paper were openly fabricated narratives, slanted interviews, and full endorsement of the inhumane in the name of Great Ahea.
=== Authors and Contributors ===
The writers include BarackOtamatone, who wrote the articles in the first edition, as well as a few additional unreleased articles, and niuzhon9, who wrote two unreleased articles. Dracnoian is responsible for providing the majority of the visual assets.
=== Published Editions ===
==== Edition 1: ====
=== Unreleased Articles ===
The following articles were completed, but due to falling out of date due to untimely publication or due to lack of further publication, they never saw the light of day during the Ninth Era. They have been uploaded here for archival purposes.
==== By BarackOtamatone ====
===== Predictable: Every Critic of the Ahean Social Fortune System Still Has Iron Armor =====
The Social Fortune system has been a roaring success- a study conducted by the Great Ahean Board of Supremes has shown that the newly implemented social credit system has boosted productivity, community, cooperation, and morale by 400%. So why do the haters and detractors still insist on whining about how the system makes people “less free?” Well the answer lies with the critics themselves. But first, let’s see what they have to say about the revolutionary S.F.S:
--{Interview with Vohki}--
Reporter: “Why are you against our wonderful Social Fortune System?”
Vohki: “great way to fuck people over and take away their freedom, privacy, and autonomy”
*After answering this question the interviewee immediately departed from the interview. Were they terrified of being held accountable for spreading dangerous lies?* 
--{Interview with Joereg}--
Reporter: “The Social Fortune System is a proven success. Tell me, why do you speak against what clearly works?”
Joereg: “I should be allowed to do whatever without you watching over me and deciding what’s right and wrong. Who cares if I have half a set of iron I can do what I want.”
--{Interview with Supreme Dracnoian}--
Reporter: “Hello, Supreme Dracnoian. Good Fortune to you, and why is the social credit system the best way forward for all of Great Ahea?”
Dracnoian: “The Social Fortune system, in spite of what many would say, is far from a tyrannical overreach of the Upper Chamber, but rather a means of rewarding the hardworking and industrious citizens of the nation. As has been shown time and time again, the citizens of our nation have shown an incredible capacity for creating advancement and wonder, and we feel the need to ensure they are rewarded properly.”
R: “And what of those that would say that the Social Fortune System is meant to implement a so-called surveillance state, however totally unsubstantiated and provably false that may be?”
D: “To the critics, I would say this: Do not project your own government’s greed and tyranny onto us.”
Now knowing what both the highly reputable Supremes and the haughty dissenters have to say about the S.F.S, it becomes quite clear why our system’s criticisms are invalid. Every critic is another lowlife who laments their inability to rise above iron gear and shudders at the thought of being held accountable for their incompetency. 
With the shameful truth of the naysayers revealed, it is clear that we do not owe them one iota of our attention. Besides, it is factual that no Supreme has ever been wrong on any legislation they put forward- every bill is either a success, or a success whose downsides are merely positives that only a Supreme could understand.
**sources used: the truthful words of Ahea**
===== ICYMI: Several Great Federation Officials Were Ban[ished to the Shadow Realm] for Practicing the Forbidden Arts =====
In a completely unprecedented move, the Admins intervened on the mortal plane and in one fell swoop, exiled Gummyguy, 8ds, MidnightFury, and Stomper_X- the most prominent members of the Great Federation- to the prison dimension. The crime they were charged with was exploiting quirks of the natural laws of the universe to fabricate resources out of thin air. The wrath of the Admins at this violation is crystal clear- the great suffering of the grind for resources is the special covenant between the Admins and the players, and to bypass this suffering is doubtless an insult to the Admins and their great wisdom. To reference the Holy Word of the Admins themselves:
“You cannot spell “I grinned” without “I grind,” for without pain, there can be no pleasure” -a real Admin, who definitely did say this quote
But what are the sentiments of the Great Federation members themselves? And what can we learn from them? To answer that, The Good Fortune Papers briefly engineered a rift in the magical containment barrier of the Shadow Realm and reached out to a prominent member for comment.
--{Interview with GummyGuy}--
Reporter: “So how long have you been a master of the dark duping arts?”
GummyGuy: “It was several era's ago, in an age forgotten by most, that I took the first steps into mastering such arts. Many see them as a darkness that could ruin the world, I see them as "clever game mechanics to troll the admins".”
R: “For those of us on the other side, tell us about the magical holding dimension you've been placed in. How would you describe the Shadow Realm?”
G: “Liberating”
R: “Okay final question: You and others were banished to the shadow realm by the all powerful admin overlords for defying the natural order. As a notable follower of the Admin-centric religion Adminism, does this strike you as fair?”
G: “Yes.”
After this point the containment barrier closed off the connection, and Ahean leadership did not believe that downing the Tsingtao power grid a second time was worth reopening the rift. But provided that the other prisoners, now free, are of a similar state of mind, then it is possible that serving time in the Shadow Realm has only made them more powerful. Thankfully the prison dimension shares a synchronized flow of time with the overworld, and we can now be rest assured that the Shadow Realm is, in fact, *not* a hyperbolic time chamber such as the one Frieza used to become stronger in the historical documentary series “Dragon Ball Z.” 
Does vengeance for their penance in limbo await us upon the return of all members? Will blacker and bleaker forms of reality manipulation (other than duping) be their next move, or will they emerge reformed by their tenure in the extradimensional time-out zone? Only time will tell.
==== By niuzhon9 ====
===== The Dublin Massacre: =====
The Dublin Massacre occurred around 2:30 PM EST and lasted for roughly two hours. The poorly equipped Irish had their sovereignty and rights violated by the British in a swift and forceful operation. Several conquerors from the British Empire armed in immaculate and glowing netherite armor breached the claims of Dublin, and within two minutes the Irishmen in diamond gear numbering one third of the British invaders were swiftly killed. Despite the hopeless circumstances and severe odds mounted against the Irish, they refused to surrender and were repeatedly killed despite posing no threats to the British. Numerous British brigands repeatedly killed the leader, MCraftDaVinci in the dozens of times he refused to surrender. The British were forced to manually conquer every chunk and provocateurs like Bossman7309 and Toni harassed the British and Irish alike in the slaughter. Three observers from Shanghai and two from the Holy Roman Empire were present during the fighting. During the war, the Holy Roman-British alliance was temporarily severed and one of the HRE observers was killed by British forces after repeated jeering. 
Quite frankly, the leaders Crypt0 and Yolky took very brash and crude actions against the Irish. Instead of taking thorough diplomatic actions and offering the Irishmen anything for their land, the British decided to follow a common past time of Great British leaders throughout human history, beating up a weaker nation and disregarding anyone in their way. Every nation from Great Ahea, to Roeddenau, the HRE, and Nippon should completely sever ties with the British and place strict sanctions on the British. (WIP it's really shit and i will try again soon)
===== The Harem Wars: =====
(read in Tucker Carlson voice) Today, we are going to read about one of the most disgusting practices in the East. Our very way of life is being silently usurped. The traditional practices of Supremes vigorously kissing behind walls is being supplanted by a polygamous lifestyle that seeks to bring daily orgies and death battles to the Great Ahea. It does not matter if the perpetrator of these Harem Wars is not from Ahea and is forcing women that are not Aheans to spar until death to satisfy the sexual urges of a horny fetishist named Zebis. The Ahean government has not spoken up against the practices of the radical sex-fiend class that influences the elite. The lack of Supreme censure of these terrible actions should lead every ordinary citizen to believe that the Ahean government is full of these radical sex-fiends. (edited)
The elites don't want you to believe that this is happening, as they would benefit from having hordes of men and women fighting to satisfy the sexual desires of the Supremes. Great Ahea will soon be turned into a clusterfuck of states not dissimilar to Europe.(the sentences are so good, that i have to put them individually)
The future of our glorious nation and the very Eastern culture that we hold so dearly is being penetrated by ideals of a band of brigands and savages. If the Ahean government allows for a gigantic villager brothel run in broad daylight despite the protests of this great media institution that the radical sex fiends of the Ahean elite call "slanderous", then what is coming up next? Are we going to allow a brothel that floods Ahea with uneducated and semi-literate monkeys just because the owner JollyRancher and her sadistic friends the Supremes enjoy watching the villagers fornicate, what will happen to our glorious civilization that has avoided the primitive and savage ways of Europe. Are you going to tolerate the Ahean elite bringing our great buildings and glorious Eastern civilization to the level of cavemen living in grass huts? Are you going to stand passive in wake of perverted sexual culture dominating our government institutions? Well, you should not. Every good Ahean citizen that stands against the destruction of Eastern civilization should stand up proudly and form well armed paramilitaries and militias to stand firm against these disgusting monsters.
=== Planned, but Unwritten Articles ===
Working titles of articles which never came to fruition.
Unbelievable: JollyRancher Wins a PvP duel
The Day Time No Longer Stood Still: How CThor used SF to Automate the Passage of Time 
An Interview with Creamy, the Immortal Llama
Interview with _LegendaryOtter, “Quest for the Vault” Winner
The Supreme in the Shadows: The Secret Machinations of KilledCatharsis
FewerReaper1: The New Supreme Who Automated His Way to Divinity Through the Power of SlimeFun
The Great Lakes- Holy Roman Empire Merger
This Man Took a Loan from the Great Federation and Failed to Make Payment by 5 Dollars. Find Out What Happened to His Internal Organs
Category:Ninth Era