The Tiki Jungle Losers Special

The fourteenth chapter of Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, posted on April 24, 2011.
==Story==
"Hey, viewers." says Chris. "Today, we're gonna visit the losers, so no recap for you! Aww, don't act like you care, I hate the recaps too, I only do them to bide time. Anyways, here we are at Playa Des Tikis, the Pacific Ocean variant of Playa Des Losers. Let's see what our failures are up to."
Carson is drinking out of a coconut at a snack bar.
"My time on the island was kinda brief this time. In fact, the only thing I even remember doin' is kissing my girlfriend. Man, I love her so much, but lately she's been hanging out with Elena." shudders Carson.
Chris walks up to Carson. "Whatcha doin'?" he asks.
"Ranting." says Carson.
Chris then leaves. "Let's go see how our old friend Sharissa's doing."
Sharissa is stalking about with a stick.
"Hey, Christopher." she says. "Tryin' to find the bum. Any idea where he is?"
"Nope." says Chris. "And by bum, I assume you mean Alex, right?"
"Yup." says Sharissa.
Chris notices Alex hiding behind a bush, but doesn't say anything. Alex then trots away.
"So, Sharissa, what was your favorite part of the competish?" asks Chris.
"I kinda hated all of it." says Sharissa. "My team sucked, especially that flirty girl with the huge butt."
"Elena?" asks Chris.
"Yeah, I think so." says Sharissa. "Never bothered to learn her name."
"Yup, that's Elena." says Chris.
"Yeah." says Sharissa. "I mean, I was stuck on a team with a bunch of knobs. There's Cars', who's okay, but he started datin' that tainted Amanda, then there's that little buff ab belly kid, who for all I know is still in the game, and then there's that ginger who yelled a lot, and Devin, and Elena, then Alex. I don't think our team even won one cha--"
"Moving on." interrupts Chris. "Let's see how Manty, our pathetic first-eliminated, is doin'."
Manty is stroking his shoes. "There, there, shoes." he says. "The mud is almost gone."
Elena comes up to him and snatches his shoes away rudely. "Ha, ha!" she says.
"NUUU!" screams Manty. "MY SHOES!! Give them back, they're too cool for you!"
"First ya gotta come get 'em!" says Elena.
She tiptoes away, then passes them to Amanda.
"I got your shoes now!" taunts Amanda.
"This isn't funny. I'm serious, guys." says Manty. "Please give 'em back."
"Naaah." says Amanda. She then holds his shoes up high so he can't get them.
Manty walks into the confessional. "Elena and Amanda are such jerks. I mean, I was here by myself for quite a bit. Then, Amanda came, and ignored me until Elena came, and then they decided to tease me. Sure, they're hot, but really evil."
Chris walks up to the kids.
"All right, give the poor guy's shoes back. He's gonna get a splinter." says Chris.
Amanda throws the shoes into the ocean, where they are eaten by sharks.
"Oops." she says. Elena guffaws.
Manty begins to weep. "I'll be in my room crying on the toilet if you need me."
"Yep, he's the same failure." says Chris. "Now, how're you girls doing?"
"Good." says Elena. "There are cute boys here."
"We like torturing Manty." says Amanda.
"It's fun." says Elena. "I love seeing him cry."
"You are a sick, twisted girl." says Chris, and walks away.
Trey is hiding below the boardwalk.
"What have we here?" asks Chris. "Trying to escape the wrath of Octy?"
"Naaah." says Trey, who is wearing a Groucho Marx disguise, a pantsuit, and a big, puffy, blatantly fake gray beard.
"So, how was your run on the show? Did you like bein' evil?" asks Chris.
"Yup, I enjoyed it. I just thought I'd win. And I want a girlfriend real bad, too." says Trey.
"I think there's a girl you might like." says Chris.
"Who?" asks Trey.
"I'll be right back with her." says Chris, and leaves.
Trey begins to play in the dirt.
"I wonder where that rat who told everyone about my secret identity is?" asks Trey. "Gotta kill him."
Devin peeks through the crack in the boardwalk, then jogs away nervously.
Helga is reading "Canadian Female" magazine.
"Really?" asks Meg, who jogs up to her in a bikini.
"You got a problem with reading, miss?" asks Helga snidely.
"I mean, you can read anywhere. Here we are at this ritzy resort, and you choose to read. You're a bit of a party pooper." says Meg.
"I like reading. You jocks only like your vapid sports." says Helga.
"Dude, I like to read, I just want exercise." says Meg, and jogs away.
Octavia walks up to Helga.
"You seen that idiot, Trey, anywhere?" asks Octavia.
"Nope. But sit down, stay a while." says Helga.
"All right..." says Octavia, who sits down. "What book are you reading?"
"It's a magazine, get your facts right." says Helga.
"If you're gonna be rude, then I might as well just leave." says Octavia.
"Be my guest." says Helga.
Octavia annoyedly walks away.
Chris walks up to Helga. "Who do you think has the best chance of winning?" he asks.
"I'd say Chrissy. She tried to make an alliance with me, and she's sort of cool. Way better than Nic, Arthur, or Julia." says Helga.
"I think some people would beg to differ." says Chris.
"Well, then, I hate those some people." says Helga.
Devin walks up to Chris.
"You dawgs seen Trey anywhere, yo?" he asks.
"Nah, why?" asks Chris.
"I's on th' run. Dat homie wants t' kill me, yo." says Devin nervously.
A growling noise is heard under the dock.
"I's gotta flee, yo!" screams Devin, and sprints away.
Sharissa is stalking about.
"Where is that little thing?" she screams.
"Over there." says Carson.
Alex dives into the bushes.
"There you are." says Sharissa, and takes Alex out.
"Ugh." says Alex. "You are the weirdest person I have ever met."
"Aww, thank you! Do you think I'm hoooot?" asks Sharissa.
"Sure." says Alex.
"Do you think I'm smexy-hoooot?" asks Sharissa.
"Sure." says Alex.
"Do you think I'm really really really really hoooot, like Team Chris?" asks Sharissa.
"Nah." says Alex.
"Don't push it, Mr. Bieber." says Sharissa. "Now let's play hide 'n' seek."
"Meh, don't really want to." says Alex groggily.
"WE ARE PLAYING." screams Sharissa.
Alex yawns and stretches.
"All right, I'll hide first." he says, then crawls into a blanket and falls asleep.
Sharissa takes off the blanket, and Alex hisses at her.
"Found ya." says Sharissa.
"Oh, please." mutters Alex.
"Have you two seen my shoes?" asks Manty, who walks by.
"Nope, I think a shark ate 'em." says Sharissa.
"Well, those things were over nine thousand bucks. I want them back so bad." says Manty.
"Alex, wanna help this tool find his precious shoes?" asks Sharissa.
"Meh, whatever." says Alex, who is half-asleep.
"All right, then you have to go in a shark's mouth." says Sharissa.
"Meh, whatever." says Alex.
Sharissa gives Alex her life-jacket, and throws him into the ocean.
"AAAAAHHH!" screams Alex, then lands softly. "Hey, I think I see the shark."
A fin is circling about Alex.
"Don't panic!" screams Sharissa from the shore.
"Oh yeah, so there's a ten-foot shark next to me and I'm not supposed to panic?" asks Alex. "Whatevs."
The shark rises out of the water and growls at Alex.
"Didn't know sharks could growl." says Alex. "Well, here goes nothing..."
Alex crawls into the shark's gaping maw.
"Yeuuch." he says inside the shark. "It's all nasty in here, man."
Alex crawls about until he finds something glowing.
"Sweet, the shoes glow in the dark too." he says, then grabs them. "All right, now I just have to get out. What am I supposed to do, get crapped out?"
The shark digests Alex, and he is sent flying out of the shark's rear twenty minutes later.
"How did that happen?" asks Alex.
"MY SHOES!" screams Manty from the shore.
"I'm comin'." says Alex, and floats towards the shore.
"Oh, thank you." says Manty once Alex reaches the shore, and hugs Alex for an elongated period.
"A'ight, let go." says Alex.
"I wish I could do something to repay you..." says Manty.
"Actually, you can..." grins Alex evilly.
Later, Alex is on a cot, while Manty is massaging his bunions.
"Aah, that's the stuff." says Alex. "Do it faster."
Manty grumbles. "Well, at least I have my shoes back."
It is getting dark out. Gary floats on the Raft of Losers to the resort, and sees Trey under the boardwalk.
"Hey, Trey." says Gary.
"SHUT UP!" hisses Trey. "If anyone asks, I'm Yert Hoozenheimersonchester."
"All right, Trey-- I mean, Yert." says Gary. "You know, I know that's just Trey spelled backwards."
"Yeah, but Octavia probably won't. She's kinda dumb." says Trey.
"DUMB?" Octavia says after Gary tells her.
"I swear, the guy has gone loopy." says Gary. "Here's a rolling pin, go get him."
"When I find that boy, I'm gonna..." growls Octavia.
"Gonna what?" asks Gary.
"You don't want to know." says Octavia.
Devin swaggers up to the two. "Brothas, ya gotta see this." he says.
"I am a girl, thank you very much." says Octavia.
"C'mon." says Devin, and pulls Gary to the confessional. They peek inside.
"Eeugh." says Gary.
Trey and Elena are making out inside the confessional.
"Well, evil idiots in love, dawg." says Devin.
"That's just wrong." says Devin.
Chris meets the contestants at the pool.
"All right guys, who do you want to win?" asks Chris.
"Arthur deserves it." says Gary. Devin and Carson nod.
"Meh, I like Nic better." says Alex.
"Nic can go die in a hole." says Elena. "I vote Julia."
"Chrissy is the best." says Meg.
"I change my vote to Chrissy then." says Gary.
"Wow, brotha, I thought ya hated Chrissy." says Devin.
"I don't..." says Gary, and blushes.
"So, who's gonna win?" asks Octavia.
"Nobody, yet! And nobody is gonna be eliminated." says Chris.
The contestants gasp.
"Yup, I just wanted to see who you wanted to win." says Chris. "See ya next time on Total Drama Tiki Jungle!"