Cuddles Fish/3.0

Cuddles Fish is a character role-played by ArtByBaha.
== Background: ==
== Chapters ==
Chapter 1 - the carnival crowds
'Hello! The name is Cuddles! What's your name?' she announced cheerfully, approaching a couple of young adults standing by a colourful display of plush animals. A woman, hair curled, shiny rings and necklaces, fancy new clothes, lifts her wine-pinkened nose into the air as Cuddles speaks.
‘What on earth are you wearing?’ she asks of Cuddles, dressed in faded striped tights, corset styled top and worn leather gloves, her face partially covered by a pearly mask that looks like a skull. The fancy lady continues ‘Why, you're practically running around in your underwear! Have you no self-respect, woman?’
Cuddles tilts her head to the side and recites in her high singsong voice.
‘There was a young girl whose frigidity,
Approached cataleptic rigidity,
Till you gave her a drink, 
When she quickly would sink,
In a state of complaisant liquidity’
The woman's face turns pink as the meaning of the poem hits home and she frowns at the man with her, who is laughing. ‘I think I like Cuddes’ he says as the two walk away together. Cuddles barely has a moment to smile before she hears someone behind her. 
“What the fuck is that?” says a man in a group approaching and pointing at her. ‘Psychopath clown!’ calls another. 
‘Cuddles is not a clown’ she returns, suddenly angry, arms straight and fists clenched. Folks never take her seriously, it upsets her how easily they misunderstand her presence. ‘You’re mean! Cuddles was just trying to say, hello!’ 
“Fuck off, Clown,” one of the ladies says to her, laughing and pulling on a cigarette. Cuddles finds her own rage boiling up, causing her to feel sweaty and her ears to turn pink. 
Heart pounding in her ears she threatens darkly, ‘You’ll see! Cuddles might get you when you don't know she's there… He could pick you next.’ One of the young men laughs.
“See! I called it! She is a psycho!” Another young man, ‘Oooohhh, so scary! Look! she's getting mad!’ and the whole group laughs at her. She struggles for control. She's not like them, only her Foreman loves her, keeps her safe. He is her family. She walks away stiffly, trying not to show the hurt she feels, nor the unwanted tears hidden behind the mask. Frustrated with being misunderstood again and her inability to connect with people her age she stalks away, past a shadow where he stands hidden, watching. The mask keeps her close to him, isolated from others. He grins.
Chapter 2 - family
She paces around the grounds of the carnival. Taking in the sights and smells that have been her home since she can remember. She hears a commotion and wanders towards a crowd gathered near the fortune teller's tent. String lights hang at the entrance, causing the gold in the fabric of the tent to sparkle in the evening’s shadow. She hears it then, ‘Cheat! Liar! Fake!’, the calls of the crowd. The old woman sits crumpled in front of her tent, covered in sticky treats and drinks, the crowd has turned on her and calling her out. Without a thought Cuddles lunges to the center of this ring, putting herself in front of the old woman. She is immediately pelted with food and ice cubes, The crowd adds insults towards Cuddles to the chanting. ‘Stop!’ She shrieks ‘Leave her be, she's a spiritual woman. Just because you're too dense to understand her magic doesn't mean she's a liar!’
The fortune teller lifts her head, her voice gravelly with age and smoke. ‘ah, chile, dancha be gettin involve. Dey dan believe in de spirit,’ but Cuddles stands her ground. 
‘Family means loyalty, always!’
The intensity of the insults increase, as does the pelting of food. She can’t understand them, the yells blend together into an angry roar. She feels her knife in her hand, suddenly flashing in the light. ‘Enough’ she says is a growl, her form bent and ready, her voice strained to reach such levels. The roar of the crowd matches the roar of the blood in her ears. She's so scared but the woman behind her has done nothing wrong, has only ever shown Cuddles kindness and warmth. She won't let this unruly crowd hurt her. ‘Chile, please’ The old woman asks again, but Cuddles can't hear. Her eyes are darting back and forth behind the mask, watching for someone to take the first move. She sees the rock before it hits, but too late to stop it. “Stupid Clown!” a voice yells over the din. She stumbles, disoriented. Her vision is blurred, she can’t see, but she keeps her grip on the knife, trying to regain her balance. Everyone is paused, waiting to see what happens next. And then He is there in a flash of blood and thunder. She hears the screams and the crunch of breaking bone. The crowd scatters. In the resulting quiet she manages to stand in place, unsteady but unwilling to fall. She feels him pick her up gently, her vision clearing. His voice booms out the command, 
‘We Move. Now.’ The carnies know the routine, they are packed and moving out before the broken body they leave behind has cooled. The rock thrower.
Chapter 3 - mischief
She can barely contain her giggles. Her awaited moment of revenge is on her. Billy thought he was being funny when he threw Cuddles on the back of his horse and rode off with her threatening to leave her in the wilderness. He meant it as a joke. So Cuddles will scare Billy! Teach him a lesson too! The bushes’ leaves create a shell of cover around her, she’s carefully placed herself among the branches. She's watching and waiting as He taught her, but no intent to capture, only startle. She watches the two men, standing and talking. Trent is talking to Billy, his voice carries, she can hear him. 'Dont you worry Billy, I got your back.'
Cuddles stands quietly and walks right up behind Billy in silence. Trent is starting to grin as Billy is saying. 'Right. But you know how sneaky she can be. She could be right behi..'
'Hello!' Cuddles says cheerfully. Billy jumps, startled, then clutches his chest and falls over gasping dramatically. Trent is laughing with tears in his eyes and Cuddles enjoys a hearty giggle. When Billy can regain himself he's yelling at Trent and chasing him around, laughing and shouting like brothers. She appreciates these moments of silliness, jobs forgotten, enjoying the familiar company of those brought together by the carnival.
Chapter 4 - carnival life
The carnies are milling about, settling into the evening routines. Popcorn and peanuts litter the ground, the odd lollipop stick and cigarette butt adding to the texture of the earth. Cuddles curls up in her tent, she can hear Marshmallow, her horse, hitched outside munching on hay after the workday. She likes the peace that comes after the show. The townsfolk’s laughter and drunken boasting fades as they wander back to their homes. She can feel the stones on the soil beneath her thin sleeping bag, but she takes pleasure in this moment of rest. She can taste the licorice in her teeth, and smell the remnants of someone's joint in the air. She dozes comfortably as the activity of the day fades into slumber. The shine of a flashlight at her tent door causes her to stir and she knows the resting is over. Now is her time to work.
Chapter 5 - failure
She’s watching him from the bushes, trying not to breathe too hard, struggling to control the wild beating of her heart. The hunt is always a thrill. Exciting to have her prey so close and unaware. The Foreman gave her the description of the man, he was at the carnival earlier, boasting and bragging and making a scene. The drunks are easy to catch, hardly worth the risk. But they can be strong and hard to subdue if she is sloppy. She feels the rough surface of the rope in her hands, pulls it tight on her fist. The man she hunts is sliding along the wall of the building in front of her, stumbling, mumbling. She senses her moment and leaps into action, sprinting toward the man’s back, the bushes rustling and settling behind her. She's on him in a flash, knocking him prone and looping the rope quickly around his feet. But something is wrong. She's thrown from his back, the rope kicked to the side. This man she was hunting isn't drunk at all. He's strong and quick and undulled by alcohol. It’s a trap! Predator turned to prey, she scrambles to her feet, panicked and wild. He faces off with her in the street, undaunted by her strange appearance. “We’ve been looking for you since Lunenburg,” he growls at her. She has her blade in hand, unaware of pulling it out. She holds it ready and they move slowly in a circle, testing each other, searching for weakness. She can hear incoming footfalls, moving fast and she knows she has failed and must get away. She suddenly bolts towards the man, slashing the air before him, causing him to dodge sideways, giving her a small opening to escape through. Somewhere in the night a truck's engine roars to life as she sprints down an empty alleyway. Marshmallow waits impatiently, snorting and pawing at the ground, and is eager to move when she jumps up onto his back. A truck is no match for Marshmallow in the rocky hills and valleys surrounding the small town the carnival stopped at. The wind in her hair is a relief and cools her as she rides away from town, moving over the hills and changing direction to lose and line of sight pursuers might have. She escaped, this time. What will she tell him of her failure? Returning empty handed will have consequences.
Chapter 6 - revelations
She needs to get back to camp. She failed to get her target, it was a trap! He needs to know they could be coming, with or without the law.  She’s riding Marshmallow hard, taking an indirect route in case she is followed. The wind flows through her hair, cooling her and calming her fears. ‘It’ll be fine, He will understand’ She hopes. She can see the lights of the carnival campsite, away from town. She dashes to the lights, but the carnies point further into the valley when she asks where He is. The carnies are her family, but they are wary of her as well. She rides out of camp, searching for his beat up van in the trees. Cuddles spots the van, and slows to approach. She hops off Marshmallows back, and approaches the van. The back door is slightly open. She feels a dark dread as she pulls the door wider and looks inside. She sees him there, sitting on the floor of the van, an open box in front of him. He’s holding something close to his face, staring at it with a strange, adoring look. Is it an ear? It’s still soft and bloody! She glances at the box and the horror reveals itself. A collection of fingers, toes, ears and other bits of unrecognizable flesh. She knew the people she took for Him went missing, but she never questioned Him. She let herself be blind to it. Here in this moment she is confronted with the truth of her actions. Her ears are full of static, her vision threatens to go dark, and she gasps for air. All those people! Her fault!
He hears her and turns, darkness and rage already changing his face into something terrible and ugly. She only has a moment to react, her rope is ready at her belt. She does what He trained her to do. She ties him up.
Chapter 7 - laughter
He's laughing. Horrible sick laughter. She's heard it before. He's laying in the grass at the feet of her horse, bound and laughing. She feels her stomach rise up and she vomits. Acid and bile burn her nose and her sight is blurry as she stands over him, looking at the man she calls Foreman and Father. Still he laughs at her. Barking and honking laughter that changes pitch and tone and pace. Horrible laughter that reminds her of everything he did. That they did together. She suppresses the horror of what she just saw so she can speak, her voice high and lilting, musical and odd. ‘Don't hurt Cuddles, it was a trap! A setup! It's not her fault. She knew you would be angry, she tied you up as a precaution. You don't have to hurt her.’ She is afraid of his rage, under the mask her face bears the fading marks of many punishments. ‘She came back to you. You are family. Family means loyalty, always.’
‘You’ve failed me, Little Girl, and you know what’s coming. Untie me! Do as you're told!’ She has to fight the urge to obey, her hands shaking, the blade of her knife dancing in the light with her trembles. She has a chance to end it here. He's at her mercy! She stands there in the dark trying to decide her future path. But she’s taking too long, the seconds stretched out in an eternity of held breath and uncertainty. Her blade is ready, her rage and fear screaming for action. Yet she hesitates. And in that pause, those precious moments of indecision, he is able to cut himself free. Her rope falls from his arms and his own blade is revealed. She is surprised and horrified and he is on her in a flash. His size and weight bares down on her and she feels his blade on her skin. His legs hold her arms and he sits on her, grinning. He is laughing again. Clownish and awful he barks his laughter at her, not breaking eye contact. He drags the blade across her cheek and over the bridge of her nose. Looking at her wildly and adoringly he cuts her skin in three long lines. Punishment for her failure. ‘You have always been weak. Think of this incident as further training. You are mine. You need me.’
Chapter 8 - the law
Gunshots ring out in the night, startling her awake. Sudden and loud, they trigger in her a primal urge to run. Flashes of other such nights shattered by gunfire, families scattered and lost to the invasions of the law or others into their roaming home. She whimpers and tears blur her vision. ‘Not again. Oh please, not again.’ She shudders. But she cannot dwell on such memories, continued gunshots mean it's time to move, find each other later. She doesn’t waste time packing, pausing only to tie her mask in place over the fresh bandages before exiting her tent and unhitching a nervous Marshmallow from his post. ‘Don’t run, just walk. Running will only draw their attention,’ she reminds herself quietly as she and Marshmallow disappear into the night, the gunshots and screams fading behind her as she vanishes into the trees.
Chapter 9 - failure again
Cuddles failed. She failed to be unseen. She failed to catch her prey. She failed to end the Foreman when she had a chance. She failed to stay hidden, and led the men with guns to the carnival camp. She failed the family, they are scattered and weak. She sits on a damp dewy rock in the early glow of morning while Marshmallow nibbles grass. ‘What is Cuddles to do? The muster point is close, she could reconnect with the family. She’s afraid to be alone. But He is there and will be furious at Cuddles’ continued failure. Not just for failing to take the man, but for bringing more back to camp with guns. It's all her fault.’ Miserably she ponders. She is stuck between the known and the unknown. She must make a choice between going back to Him, the familiar family, and striking out into new territory, full of questions. Always he avoids the cities. Technology was His fear, too many photos, too much proof. ‘If Cuddles wants to be free, the city is the place to hide.’
Chapter 10 - Marshmallow
She gulps, tears welling up again, stinging her swollen eyes, then dripping down the underside of her mask before falling into her shirt. ‘Marshmallow is a good horse. He’s saved her life from wolves… and worse. She can’t bear to part with him, but she needs the money. Please, he's all she has left.’ The couple before her look at the horse she offers, a magnificent grey Arabian, well cared for and muscled. ‘Marshmallow is fast. He….. He said Cuddles needed…. a fast horse. Marshmallow doesn't like snakes though, he's real skittish. Cuddles is catching the train…. to the big city. Please, He’s a good horse.’ These two people are suspicious of the masked girl before them, but something in her tone speaks to her desperation and they agree on a fair price. She clutches the money gratefully and sits in the back of the pickup truck as they drive her to the train station. Marshmallow was her last tie to the carnival. She doesn't look back, afraid of what she might see in the shadows.
Chapter 11 - the big city
She's sure he's behind her. She can hear his boots, feel his breath. Shes scurrying through the streets, sprinting from shadow to shadow like a scared rabbit. She knows no one here in this unfamiliar concrete maze. She's alone. For the first time, there is no family to protect her, no one to run to. 'Why did you leave?' the question she hears in his voice echos in her mind. 'Why did you leave? Why? WHY? Why did you leave? WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?'
She gasps, suddenly awake, a light rain misting down softly, making music on the thin tin shelter at the train station.
== Nightmares: ==
FEB 6
The pavement is hard and unending beneath her feet. The red and blue lights alternate endlessly and hurt her eyes and she runs, half-blind. She's running out of air, her blood pumps loudly in her ears. Still she runs. Her knees ache with each step, her heartbeat fast and pained. She's ducking behind every alley way, each turn leads to another corridor of concrete and steel. 
Shes lost and frantic and desperate. She can hear her pursuers always just a step out of reach. She senses the end, and makes a last desperate dash first left then a quick right, right again and straight… she sure she has distance, steals a quick glance behind. Gratefully she gasps for air seeing no one behind her. She presses herself into a niche in the wall, shadow falling over her mask. Her breathing begins to calm and even, shes sweaty and a breeze causes a chill to creep up her spine. She's lost in the city, and just for a moment she yearns for the simplicity of life in the carnival working for The Foreman. 
As if summoned by her thoughts of Him, she feels his breath on her neck as his laughter pours out of him. He stands behind her in the alley. Shes suddenly a deer in headlights. Barking, honking, loud and discordant his laughter shocks her out of her dream. Her sheets soaked with sweat, she is alone in her apartment. The gunshots and sirens and alarms of the city are the background to the thumping of her heart. Haunted, she sits, arms wrapped around her knees. Staring at nothing, willing His voice to leave her mind…  Why did you leave?
FEB 7
"Hang around Cuddles long enough and you will get hurt." She sits on a ledge looking out over the streets near her apartment. It's night, but the light of the city makes it look like a flickering orange day. The light dances in rippling puddles left by the evening rain. She’s upset. Tense and stiff, arms wrapped tightly around her knees, she watches the people below. When she’s alone the nightmares return unbidden, she feels uncertain if she’s sleeping or awake. Memories turn to daydreams, twisted, and darkened with fear and time. William lies before her. She loves him fiercely, like nothing she's ever known before. A strong, gentle giant, his form seems smaller now. A sharp, straight blade is in her hand, its edge jagged and toothy. She can feel His breath on her neck. She knows what he wants. A wave of memories hits her chest like a fist, and she gasps in pain. Sweet, kind William. He just wanted a farm of his own. She remembers the comfort of smoking joints by his campfire at night. Sneaking around town selling cocaine together. The sweet moments they stole to be together. She looks at William through the mask. His form is bloodied and broken, his breath wet, raspy, and weak. Something inside her breaks and dies as she watches the man she loves fight for each taste of air. It is all her fault. She knew what would happen and she didn't care. She wanted William’s love so badly. His calloused fingers were on the scarred skin of her face. She hears Him shift his weight behind her impatiently. 
"Finish it, Little girl".She snaps awake again, sirens blaring as an ambulance race past below. It’s getting worse. Nightmares when she sleeps, and now when she's awake. Exhausted, she collapses into the striped sheets of her bed in her apartment. It's been days since she slept more than an hour at a time. She jogged the streets again. Silently mapping the streets and alleyways of the area around the apartment block. The red garage is a favourite. Its twists and turns please her and the roof is open to the air and helps her feel a moment of freedom. Folks around the city are getting used to seeing her around. They stop her less. She's thinking of the night sky as she drifts off to sleep. She floats up from her bed into the stars, weightless momentarily. And then she knows where she is. She feels His breath on her neck. A jagged, toothy blade is in her hands. A different man lies before her, his glasses broken, and his white suit bloodied. “Finish it, Little Girl”. She startles awake, stunned. She sits still in the odd quiet. No sirens, no gunshots. The power is out again, not even the hum of electricity dulls the ringing in her ears. In this moment of rare silence, she jumps when hears Him speak clearly.
“WHy DId yOu LEAve ME?"
FEB 10
She stands alone in the fog, so thick that the ground is hidden, her legs disappear into the gloom.    She can hear a clicking. Dice, being rolled in a hand. Inez is there before her walking abruptly out of the fog. Inez, the Voodoo lady, fortune teller, and friend waves her arms and the fog clears over a small patch of earth.
Inez releases her hand over the earth and several bones and bits land soundlessly. Inez studies them intently. Cuddles watches, her hands twisting her fingers nervously. 
'Stop dis now, chile, stop dis madness. Da signs are grim.' Inez is stern. 
Cuddles kneels looking at the bones on the ground.  She cannot make meaning out of the placement. Inez is drawing into the earth, a symmetrical pattern of line and curve. She watches, hypnotized by the motion of the older woman's hand. 
' Dey nah g'wan believe you, chile. Dey will put ya in de cage. Dis I see clearly. ' Inez stands and fades, only the pattern remains as the fog begins to roll in again and cover the space that was visible so briefly. 
Cuddles sleeps. Deep and restful, for the first time since coming to the city
FEB 17
The haze of sleep clears and she finds herself standing in darkness. Laughter surrounds her, filling her ears, barking, honking, mocking laughter. The sound moves, pitch undulating up and down, unreal and immersive in the amorphous darkened space. ‘It's time to come home, Little Girl’ His voice breaks the laughter. 
She shivers. What does that mean? Where is home now? He is in the city, she knows that for sure. She has felt him for a while, his voice haunting her mind. The laughter begins again, echoing and repeating like carnival music played from many sources, discordant and melodic and competing. There is a soft light growing in the gloom. It silhouettes the shape of a man walking toward her. ‘It's time to come home,’
She stands before him, like a deer in headlights. Frozen in fear she can't run, her legs cramping in their desire to move, yet she stands still before him. He has this hold over her, some unfair power. As long as she can remember, He was there. He kept her safe from the people that would taunt and torment her when she was little, and from the unwanted advances that came as she matured. He spent time teaching her things, helped her to read and learn the way of the horses and hunting.
'She's so grateful, for everything. Please, She can't keep going, she needs to find her own way.’ The silhouetted figure from before leans back and the barking laughter starts again. 
‘You are mine, you belong to me. My possession, my tool, my daughter. Your toys are my toys, and I’ll break them if I want to. We will kill together again.’
The shadow turns to walk back into the darkness, the dim light fading. At last her legs respond, taking a single step to follow Her Foreman and Father. Then another. Her heart slowly breaking in her chest, she follows sadly, defeated.
FEB 24
She drifts in a rainbow haze. Warm and relaxed, she lets the drug take away the pain. The colours swirl around her and she gives in to the intoxication. Is she dreaming? Or is she awake? She doesn’t know or care. Darkness lurks on the edge of her awareness. Gathering strength. The rainbow swirls are distracting and again she loses herself in them. The darkness edges closer. She hears it then. Cutting through the haze and the shifting colours and the shock taking her system. ‘Why did you leave me?’ 
She snaps awake! Eyes darting around, she's half blinded by the blood dripping from her wounds. She doesn't know where she is, a bright light is above her. She sees the blood on her dress, on the floor around her. Shotgun pellets and empty needles around her. She feels air on the skin of her face and she shivers, suddenly cold. She tries to stand and collapses weakly. The memories are foggy, bits and pieces coming back to her. Picked up at the apartments, the cop saw, but was not able to stop Speedy from taking her. She wonders if anyone is looking for her. She knows at that moment she will die if she stays put. She crawls to the door leaving a trail of smeared blood, reaches the handle and the door opens. 
The light shines in her eyes, too bright. The mask is gone. She is exposed. But she doesn't worry about Him for now, her mind consumed by drugs and survival. She drags her weak body outside, her arms strong from years of training horses. Someone is sure to find her. Surely they will see her.
FEB 26	
Her face aches and makes sleep difficult. Her awareness drifts in and out, the tv left on is quietly selling something in the background. She hugs herself, alone in the flickering darkness. The pills dull the pain, and for a while she is grateful they used the needles before they pulled the trigger.
She forces the memories out of her head and drifts again. She stands in a forest. Trees are all around her, huge, tall pines, stretching up and blocking the sky. Marshmallow is there, shining silver and white in the dappled sunlight. She hops on his back and she is riding with him again, through the forested pathways, wind in her hair. She spies a rabbit ahead, and reaches for her knives. Her belt is empty, her collection gone. Her knives gave her strength, and she has nothing. She feels the fear rising up, darkness edging her vision. Marshmallow goes soft under her fingers and melts suddenly, trapping her in a sticky, white horror of horse and candy. She struggles against the gluey mass of teeth and hair and marshmallow, gasping and clawing her way only deeper into trouble. Losing strength, she can’t hold back the horsey syrup from closing off the sunlight around her. She wakes clawing the bandages of her face like they suffocate her. 
She opens her eyes slowly to see the apartment bedroom, striped sheets pulsing in the light of a flashing ad on the tv. The note said ‘If you survive, work for me, You know who’. She sits, chin on her knees, staring into the darkness. A choice must be made. A line drawn. She may have to betray those that were kind to her to earn the strength that will keep her safe.	
Mar 3
Green rolling hills stretch out around her, sunlight shining, a warm breeze lifting her hair gently. She breathes in deeply, enjoying the freedom of the days hunt. She lets Marshmallow loose to graze, she can see the trail of a herd headed into one of the many clusters of forest that dot the hillsides. She takes the rope from her belt, letting the lasso hang freely, tightening the other end around her fist. Feeling the knife on her belt she grins under the broken skull on her face and stalks into the trees. 
The hunt is a thrill, she loves these moments, quietly moving closer to the deer grazing on the small plants of the forest floor. The sunlight here is broken, shifting and glowing as the leaves above dance with the wind. She is uplifted, maybe even happy. Confident and eager, she can sense her victory. She steps out from behind a trunk of a large tree and swings her lasso in silence. One step, two, she throws her rope. The deer scatter suddenly, startled when her target rears and squeals with fear. She has it though, the rope pulled taut under the deers jawbone. A beautiful buck. Her feet are planted and angled to fight the pull of the deer. Too stupid to run, the deer also plants its feet down, steadying its head for a fight. She's strong and nimble, holding the rope tight, she gets closer and closer. With one hand she holds the buck, the other reaching for her knife. The weight of the blade is reassuring. She releases the rope in the same moment she strikes with her blade. The deer, suddenly released, steps backward and its head lifts enough for her to sink her blade in its neck.  She makes it quick, muscle memory strong from repetition. 
Her grin turns to a smile. She will return to camp with a meal for everyone. Dragging the corpse behind her, she whistles to Marshmallow and makes her way to the nearby river’s edge to wash. She's proud of her hunting skills. He taught her well. And she worked hard for him. The river is high and fast, the spring weather melting the mountain snow and flooding the banks of the valley rivers. The water is cold and she is refreshed, leaning over washing the blood from her arms and hands. But the snowmelt has loosened the muddy bank, and it gives way beneath her, throwing her suddenly and helplessly into the rapids. 
She's struggling, she can't swim. Grasping for anything to hold herself above the water, panic and cold creeping in, she's desperate. There is a fallen tree, uprooted and floating in the rushing waters. Swinging her arms and kicking with the last of her strength, she manages to get hold of the broken bed of branches, holding herself steady enough to get a few gulping breaths before she hears it above the roar of her heart and the water around her. A roar so great and loud it overtakes all other sound. A waterfall. Terror fills her, she has nowhere to go. No family watching her back. No friends. She is alone in the river, helpless in its current. 
The waterfall is before her, the tree, once her savior turns deadly as its weight swings wildly sideways before it plummets off the edge. But she doesnt follow. She is weightless, drifting slowly up and away from the water. Rising up like a balloon, she can see the river below twisting like a snake in the green valley, winding its way to the horizon. Where the river meets the sky, a great silhouette of a city rises, She feels the wind blowing her to the city, pushing her closer to the unknown concrete skyrises. There is a man. He stands on the edge of a building, a simple shadow on the skyline. He's holding something up, she can't make it out. There is a flash and pain blossoms in her arm, then another and she sees the blood on her leg.  And like a burst balloon, she is falling, windows racing past at breakneck speed. She is beyond fear now, she watches as though she were an observer, seeing her own body plummet from the sky towards the pavement below. 
She is awake again. Alone in her apartment. Her gunshot wounds ache, and her chest hurts from the near drowning. She picks up the phone, yearning to reach out, call someone, ask someone for help. She doesn't know who to call. The phone stares back at her, mocking. Who else will she sacrifice for her own comfort? Who would put themselves in harm's way for her? 
Her heart breaks and she knows she is adrift in the current of someone else’s game. Learn to fly? She can barely drive. What on earth does he want from her? And why is he willing to give her what she asked?
Mar 9
She hasn't slept in two days. Not since Thomas died. Cocaine keeps her awake, but she's wilting. The mask smiles for her, she can pretend, but she is fading away in a drugged haze, losing herself in the slight hope of securing protection from a new source. The meetings with the Goons and Harry drained her strength. Allowing them to see her vulnerability is risky. 
She's in her apartment bed, the tv off. Laying flat on her back, staring at the ceiling in the dark, mask on the bed beside her. She feels the weight of her limbs pulling her into the plushness of the mattress. The striped sheets stretch out around her and slowly lift up to the ceiling creating the shape of a circular carnival tent. The striped cloth begins to turn and she hears music playing off tune. She's stuck on her back, the tent spinning around her. She sees something flashing in the air above her, several strings are dropping down, wrapping around her wrists and ankles.
They snap taut and she is lifted like a puppet into the air. He is there in the shadows grinning, fingers dancing in strange and uncomfortable patterns. She dances for him, limbs numb and heavy. The strings tug and pull and give her the direction. She feels the weight of the blade in her hand, curved and sharp she recognizes it as her gift from Danny. Feeling a sense of hope she thought she lost, she cuts wildly at the strings holding her, feeling some of them fall loose. She's desperate and fighting for her freedom, slashing in the darkness she feels herself falling from her binds. She lands hard, air knocked out of her. She rises, looking around. She sees the shadows on the ground, bodies lying on the ground around where she fell. They do not move, and the shine of the spreading pool of blood creeps towards her feet. 
She snaps awake, chilled with the imagery of her nightmare. She yearns for touch, some comfort in the darkness. But there is none.
Mar 14
A great tiled floor stretches out in all directions. Ivory and ebony squares make a dizzying pattern stretching to every horizon. The sky is a bright blue, devoid of any variation or flaw or debris or sense of space. She stands there alone, staring out at the vastness around her. Shrugging, she sets off in what she thinks of as west, though no sun or landmark gives any sense of direction. She follows the tile, being sure to keep walking the same line. Surely this floor has to end somewhere. She walks and walks, legs tired and feet aching, but there is no change. Determined, she plods on, never deviating from her path, the black and white tiles passing under her over and over again. 
She's angry. Frustrated. Focused on each step, trying to put the aches from her mind she feels it. A tremble. She stops. Looking around she sees no change, but she feels it coming up from her feet. At first it's a vibration, a rumble, but as she stands trying to understand this sensation, it grows, the tiles rattling and shaking around her. The ground heaves suddenly throwing her wildly into the air. She tumbles, elbows and knees scraping and bruising. She lands roughly, winded. She struggles to her knees, looking up. The landscape is unchanged. No sign of moved earth, no change on the sky or horizon. She has lost her sense of direction, knocked free of whatever line she was following. She is baffled then defeated. Still on her knees, she fights the urge to cry. She can feel the tears burning, overflowing her eyes and falling down her bumpy cheeks to drip off her chin and hit the tile below.
She's aware of it then. Her mask. It's not on her face. Panicked, she twists and turns, eyes darting frantically searching for her happy pink smile. She sees a pearly shape on a dark tile not far from where she kneels. She stands and walks stiffly, dread creeping into her belly. She recognises that shape, her old mask, the broken skull she wore for all her days in the carnival. Polished and painted, it grins at her, mocking her fear. Dutifully, she picks it up and fastens it over her face. The bone is cold on her skin, the fit uncomfortable. 
She stands on the shiny, black square looking out at the unending floor around her. She waits. She watches. She feels a reassuring weight in her hand. Chain dusters. She squeezes her fists tight, aware of a mounting tension. Something is coming. 
She blinks and the landscape around her is filled with statues. They stand still in a variety of poses, unmoving, unblinking, grey and cold. Moving to the closest figures, she thinks she might recognise them. Searching the statues she is startled to find she knows these people! Citizens of the city! Diago, Taheem, Almeda, these are all people she's met recently. Mr. Steven, Alexander, Felix, Flash, the statues dont stop. Are they dead? Are they real? She doesn't understand, moving through them like trees in a forest. 
‘Why did you leave?’ 
HIS voice. She is still, a deer frozen in a moment of time, deciding to run or fight. She runs.
Dashing through the statues wildly, she is hoping to avoid whatever it is he has planned for her. His clownish honking laughter chases her where he does not, and she cannot escape it. 
She stops abruptly, horrified when she sees Birdman’s statue. She turns away, refusing to see it, and there is Aaliyah. She turns away again, and Finn is there before her.  They surround her, she feels dizzy and settles to the ground between the three figures.
‘Pick one’ HIS voice again.
‘Please. Don't make her do this.’ she feels weak
‘Strike one, Little girl.’
Her legs unfold and she stands unwilling. She fights this power he has over her, but she is weak and he always wins. She looks at the three friends around her, not daring to breathe.
‘Little Girl! Strike now!’
She gulps and swings, feeling meaty resistance, a splash of blood covers her arm. 
She wakes. She feels sick. She doesn't make it to the bathroom, instead throwing up on the floor beside her bed. She collapses weakly and vomits again. She's shaking and cold. She craves it. She wants it so bad. It made the pain go away. The weed and pills and cocaine just aren't the same. The rainbow medicine haunts her as much as the nightmares.  
== Friends: ==
* Diana Yolanavanyavicz
* Thomas Normady (RIP)
* Giblets the Clown (RIP)
* Pico Pingafria
* Finn Brennan
* Alexander Luke (RIP)
* Speedy
* Cornelius Seolfor
* Sam King
* Odin Dewitt
* Franky
* Gallaway
* Lex
* Santi
* Alder
* Apple
* Flash
* Danny
== Enemies: ==
* Nana Banana
== Clips: ==
We meet Cuddles 	Restless Energy 	Poem to PD v2 	Come out and play
A little poem to PD 	Cuddles is in trouble	Cuddles 1st person	Well worth stealing
Getting today's steps in	Nice to meet you 	Cuddles a fan? 	
 	 	 	
== Gallery: ==
File:20230216161920 1.jpg|Cuddles and Pico
File:20230210090403 1.jpg|Cuddles with sledgehammer
File:20230208131953 1.jpg|Osvaldo and Cuddles
File:20230205070224 1.jpg|Great view with Birdman
File:20230205073710 1.jpg|Thomas
File:20230202124357 1.jpg|Burgershot, home of chaos
File:20230131104818 1.jpg|Mercury's motorcycle
File:20230130105907 1.jpg|Agent Booba, FIB
File:20231016091800 1.jpg|Goon School
File:20231103072329 1.jpg|Fish-In-Bound
File:20230919092149 1.jpg|School Meeting
File:20230913111748 1.jpg|GOOOONS!
File:20230822095235 1.jpg|Party at Cyd's house!
File:20230705104917 1.jpg|Cuddles and Speedy
File:GoonGetaway.PNG|Goons Parachute away in a chase
File:RPG.PNG|Speedy teaching Cuddles about BIG fireworks.
File:Goongrow.jpg|GOONS Grow 
__INDEX__