The Box Journal

AKA "The Box", "The Dream Box"
Day 1
I keep having nightmares that I’m trapped in a box. These came out of nowhere, and I’ve never had a recurring dream more than two days in a row. Something is always different, but these nightmares are all exactly the same. That’s why I’m starting this diary/dream journal.
In these dreams, I’m in a box, but it’s all kind of blurry, like when you try throwing a punch in a dream and it moves in slow motion. That’s how it has been every single time, four nights in a row. 
I read that having a dream journal helps you lucid-dream, so I can slowly manipulate my dreams with practice. If these dreams continue, I should be able to change them eventually.
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Day 2
Same dream again last night. 
I feel like the dream is actually becoming a bit clearer. I’m not positive, so I’m not going to get my hopes up.
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Day 3
The dreams are definitely becoming clearer! I had no idea this dream journal idea would work at all, much less so quickly! I’ve been reading up on dreams more and decided to set an alarm so that I can catch myself waking up in the middle of an REM cycle. This should make it so that my dreams become more lucid.
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Day 3 - Continued
Well, I tried setting multiple alarms to keep falling asleep and waking up, but I’m just not really tired today. I’ll set an alarm and wake up earlier tomorrow so I’m sleepier during the day.
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Day 4
I feel too well rested again.
My apartment is starting to feel a little small, ironically. It’s 500 square feet, so it’s not huge but it’s enough for one person. I did decide to get rid of a few extra throw pillows—extra being the key word. 
It’s probably just a side effect of the dreams—feeling like I’m stuck in a box every night isn’t great! It never lasts long, but it’s right before I wake up so it’s always still so vivid in my mind. Oh, well.
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Day 5
Major breakthrough! I was finally able to move around while stuck in the box. It’s very uncomfortable, and is definitely made of cardboard, but that’s progress! I could even hear a slight white noise in the background. That was all, though. I woke up and for once didn’t want the “nightmare” to end. I love seeing progress. Looking forward to tomorrow!
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Day 6
Honestly, who even invented throw pillows? I got rid of all the ones I had. My bed looks so nice and clean—optimal for dreaming! I could smell the cardboard last night.
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Day 7
Everything is surprisingly clear in the dream now. I could feel the cardboard and it’s pretty solid; there’s not much give at all. I don’t have any way to get out. I’m too cramped to kick or punch, and I don’t have any blade or anything. I think with enough lucid dreaming I could conjure one, but at that point would I just be able to dream the box magically opening? 
Maybe I could give myself laser vision and burn through it. Too much Superman on the brain recently.
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Day 8
I thought day seven would mark one week, but technically day eight would be one week, right? I’m not sure. I just realized that the dreams become more lucid when I get rid of things, and honestly my apartment has been feeling small ever since day four. My stuff isn’t too expensive so I’ll just get rid of a bunch of things. It’s kind of funny.
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Day 9
Nothing different in this dream, I’m still unable to move or do anything. The white noise sounds sort of like an engine or something. It’s a low hum. I don’t know if realizing more things about it will help me escape, but can’t hurt right? I’ll just focus on everything I can during the dreams.
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Day 10
Maybe I’ve been going about this wrong. Maybe I need to force another dream instead of trying to change this one when it happens. Time to focus all my efforts today on one thing—cooking! The mix of smells and tastes will make my day very memorable, so hopefully my dreams will have me in a kitchen!
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Day 11
I woke up screaming today. I didn’t have a different dream, and this time I felt like I could barely breathe, like the air in the box was running out. I screamed in the dream, then I screamed in real life. Not the wisest tactic when you’re running out of air, but it’s not like I have much control over these dreams. I can’t even control myself sometimes. 
My apartment was feeling a little stuffy so I got rid of my couch and some spare blankets and towels. More open air should help.
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Day 12
The dream is the same every night but honestly my real life is starting to feel like a nightmare. I keep feeling like my apartment is getting smaller. I got rid of some more stuff today, just things I don’t need. It wore me out so I’m sleeping early tonight. 
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Day 13
The issue seemed to be my big furniture taking up so much space. My TV stand, bookshelf, and desk. I got rid of them all and it’s not feeling as cramped, but I don’t know how my apartment is feeling so small. 
Nothing different in the dream; I’m constantly trying to escape with no way to. Focusing on making things apparate doesn’t work.
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Day 14
I got rid of my shower curtain today. My floor gets more wet now but when I was taking showers it was feeling too cramped. Luckily I have a washer-dryer unit in my closet so I can reuse my towels as needed. Who would’ve known those spares would be missed! I smelled a little oil in the dream today.
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Day 15
I swear my apartment is still getting smaller. I have no idea how, but with the big furniture items gone I’m unable to comprehend how I even fit them in here. 
I’m going to try sleeping on the floor tonight and see if I can get rid of my bed too.
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Day 16
The dream was the same, and I slept surprisingly fine. The bed’s already gone at the time of writing this. All of the small things I kept on the bookshelf, desk, etc. have been in storage containers but I haven’t really accessed them in a while and they’re taking up space so those are going too.
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Day 17
I was doing a load of laundry today and when I turned around my closet felt incredibly tiny, so I took a hammer to the walls and now it’s an open wardrobe/laundry area. My bedroom’s a little bigger thanks to that, but my security deposit is definitely gone, whoops! 
On a serious note, I think I’m developing or have already developed claustrophobia. To a degree that it should be treated by a professional. I’ve already scheduled a meeting with a psychiatrist. Bringing up this dream seems like a good idea too, it’s about time an expert analyzed it.
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Day 18
I took out my bathroom wall today, right after I woke up. I calmed down after, but it felt like I couldn’t control myself. This obviously isn’t sustainable and I’m definitely going to have to pay a lot when I move out, but I really need to worry about my mental health issues first. Future me can figure the finances out.
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Day 19
I figured that I had done plenty of damage already, so a little more wouldn’t harm much. I coaxed myself into getting rid of the washer/dryer, fridge, range, and cabinets. It took a lot of straps, pulling, pushing, sliding, and probably damage on my spine that I just can’t feel since I’m young, but somehow I did it. I do not recommend trying it yourself, but I bet almost anyone actually could if they wanted to! It was surprisingly painless, or I am surprisingly strong. I feel great! 
I have the psychiatrist appointment in two days. I wonder if I would have kept my things had it already happened.
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Day 20
My room is basically one big empty room now. I’ve been sleeping on the pile of what few clothes I still have. I have this journal, my phone, and the internet! What else does someone these days really need? 
I know I should be concerned, but when I woke up this morning I was feeling so anxious and cramped. It was so bad that now I just feel relaxed. It’s literally crazy, I know, but that’s what tomorrow’s psychiatrist appointment is for! 
All these changes in my life actually make me appreciative of the dream, since it remains the same.
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Day 23
It’s been a few days since I last wrote. On what would have been day 21 I woke up feeling extremely cramped. I felt like I was almost in the box in my dream. My shower felt like it was almost reachable from where I was sleeping. As a matter of fact, everything in my room felt like I could almost touch it. I had no idea this was what people with claustrophobia felt like. 
I went to the psychiatrist and they were afraid of what would happen the next few days, as the room would keep getting smaller in my head. They weren’t sure what I would do when cornered. They suggested a hospital that they know really well, and I’ve been here since.
There was a 48 hour hold before I could have my journal. They give us tasks and activities to do, and honestly everybody else in here seems to have it worse than me. A few people are very depressed, but otherwise normal in social situations, so they’re the only ones I really talk to. 
My room is extremely nice and accommodating. My wall is basically a giant window so I can see things happening outside at all times of day. I’ve still been having the dream in the box, but my waking hours are much more peaceful now. I turn my journal in every day so that they can read what I’m writing. I didn’t actually have to do this, but they asked if I would, and I don’t mind. I’m not really crazy in any other way, so it’s fine if people read this.
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Day 27
They asked if I wanted my journal each of the last few days, and I said no, because honestly there hadn’t been an update! 
The dream has been the same, but the reason I’m writing this now is because the room has been feeling a bit small. I kind of feel like I’m in a fish tank. They let us go outside a lot, but it’s not like I can camp out under the stars. I guess this is kind of my plea for help, too. 
Hey doctor! Figure something out! (Just kidding… kind of)
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Day 28
They put stars in my room! Those glow in the dark ones that people have as kids. It’s such a sweet gesture. I hope it helps!
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Day 29
It doesn’t help. I woke up in the middle of the night, and I guess the stars had lost their charge from the daylight, because my room was dark. It felt incredibly small, almost like the box. 
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Day 37
They wanted to see if my journal could have been an issue, so we went a week without it, which was fine. I’m really just trying anything to get better. Something really bad happened, so they decided I could have my journal back. 
I punched and slammed my head into the wall repeatedly because I felt like it was closing in. They both bled a lot, and I lost some hair, but I didn’t feel like I had a choice. I didn’t want to get crushed by the walls. My body sort of just moved on its own.
The room feels like a tiny fish bowl during the day, and the box at night. I was having a hard time distinguishing my dreams from reality this past week.
I think I figured it out though. The expression “pinch me, I must be dreaming” is accurate. Pain is the key. I just wish my hands and head hurt, instead of the box being so uncomfortable.
Category:Diary/Journal
Category:Mental Illness
Category:Hospitals
Category:Items/Objects