Transcripts 2000-02

Transcripts from February 2000 strips.
==February 7==
Panel 1Richard is holding three takeaway bags in one hand and removing his coat with the other.Richard: Hay everybody I'm back and I've got everyone orders here. Sorry I took so long but...Panel 2Anne leaps at a startled Richard, completely naked. One of the "Golden Bowl" takeaway bags covers her exposed breasts and another covers her torso. She shouts, "HIYA SWEETHEART!" while Richard has an exclamation point over his head.Panel 3Close-up of Anne nose-to-nose with Richard.Anne: What kept ya? Another five more minuets and I would've started without you!Richard: The takeaway was packed solid okay.Panel 4Anne is handing cash to Norman and Kingston on the front porch of the house.Text block (Richard): If you're running around naked then where are the other two?Text block (Anne): Oh I just turned on the feminine charm and asked them to stay out tonight...Caption: Earlier...Anne: Right here's twenty quid each now f**k off and don't come back!
==February 14==
Panel 1Richard is running past a confused Kingston in a hurry, wearing his coat and sweating in a panic.Panel 2Close-up of Kingston staring in the direction Richard ran. A "GRRRR!" fills the bottom of the panel.Kingston (thinking): I wonder where he's going in such a hurry?Panel 3Anne growls at startled Kingston with pointy teeth and a large "GRRRR!"Panel 4Anne crosses her arms in impatience as Kingston turns to face her, concerned.Kingston: Oh.. Er.. Hi Anne. Er can I ask, well... er is it like... your time, um like you know your...Anne: Say the word!Panel 4Kingston's eyes widen slightly in panic as Anne breaks out a VERY pointy-toothed grin and bloodshot eyes.Kingston: Period!Anne: OH YEAH!
==February 21==
Panel 1Richard is standing beneath the "Welcome to Littlehampton" sign, which has below it a sign with "Twinned with Limbo" on it.Richard: Hello?Phone (Kingston): Richard where the hell are you?Richard: Minimum safe distance mate!Panel 2Kingston is hiding behind the couch and yelling into the phone handset. His hat is missing. The sounds "Slap! Ow!" can be heard in the background.Kingston: Well for your information I'm behind the sofa trying not to get noticed by your psycho girlfriend!Phone (Richard): What? Scared of a girl are ya?Kingston: Ha, that's rich! Who buggered off at the first sign of trouble?Panel 3Kingston is pointing into the phone as he yells.Kingston: What's wrong with her? I've seen PMT and it ain't like this! I'm waiting for her head to spin around!Phone (Richard): She only has a period once a year so she...Kingston: Goes f**king postal and attacks us!Panel 4Kingston peeks cautiously over the sofa. The sounds "SMACK! HAY!" can be heard in the background.Phone (Richard) I think you're exaggerating a little now...Kingston: Oh yeah? Well at this moment she's sitting on Norman's chest and punching him repeatedly in the head!Panel 5Kingston is now in tears.Kingston: But before that *sniff* she stole my hat and threatened to burn it if I ever left the toilet seat up again!Off-panel (Norman): ARRGHH! SOMEBODY PLEASE GET HER OFF ME!!!
==February 28==
Panel 1Anne is wearing a dressing gown and looking over her shoulder at Richard, who gives her a sly smile.Anne: Oh hello! Mr bravery has decided to come back has he? Did the lack of screaming tell you it was safe huh?Richard: Well after your last period you can't really blame me for staying out of your way.Panel 2Anne turns to face him, crossing her arms. Richard angrily makes a gesture like holding a bottle by the neck.Anne: What? I only threw Vodka in your face!Richard: Yeah while it was still in the f**king bottle!Panel 3Extremely zoomed-out shot of Anne smiling and putting her hand on Richard's shoulder. He smiles back.Anne: Look, lets not fight. I'll admit I'm a bit... unsociable for a few days a year. I was going to take a shower, care to join me?Richard: Sure love, but tell me, where are the Kingston and Norman?Panel 4Text block with Anne's head in the corner.Anne: I don't remember them leaving... or why my butt hurts for that matter!Panel 5A groggy Anne is lying on the floor with a dart sticking out of her backside.Caption: Earlier...Off-panel (Kingston): Norman, was it a good idea to do that?Off-panel (Norman): What? It was your idea to drug her!Off-panel (Kingston) I meant slip something in her drink, not shoot her with a dart gun!Off-panel (Norman): Well I suggest we get out of here before she comes to!
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