Totally Shaking His Hand (Dance of the Werewolves)

Totally Shaking His Hand (Dance of the Werewolves) is a song featured in the musical parody Dance of the Werewolves (Tanz der Werewolf). It is a parody of Totale Finsternis, itself an adaptation of Bonnie Tyler's iconic hit song Total Eclipse of the Heart. It is based on Total Eclipse's literal lyrics, but extended.
== Lyrics ==
Chorus: (Pan the room)
Rachel: Random use of candles, empty bottles, and cloth
And can you see me through this fan?
Chorus: (Slo-mo dove)
Rachel: Creepy doll, a window, and what looks like a bathrobe
Then, a dim-lit shot of dangling balls
Chorus: (Metaphor?)
Rachel: Close-up of some candles and dramatically posing
Then, stock footage of a moon in the sky
Chorus: (Bottle shot)
Messing up my close-up of with a floating blue curtain
Now let's see who's coming in from outside
Chorus: (Double doors open)
Rachel: Why aren't I reacting in this shot?
Chorus: (Ringo Starr? Lined eyes)
Rachel: Guess I should be acting but I’m not
Chorus: (Door's ajar) 
Rachel: Wander through a hall with doors that magically open
And this classroom has a fan
Chorus: (Open shirts)
Rachel: Now it's getting creepy You can tell by my staring
It's a long time since I've been with a man
Chorus: (Stupid chair)
Rachel: Emo Kid is throwing Slo-Mo Dove at my face
I guess that means he just flipped me the bird
Chorus: (Locker room)
Rachel: Staring at the swim team gets you killed by a gang
Of dancing ninja men who know how to twirl
Chorus: (Spin around. Ninjas!)
Rachel: Then a bunch of preppies make a toast
Chorus: (Drinking wine. Douchebags!)
Rachel: Most of it just ends up on the floor
Werewolf: And they shouldn't fence at night
Or they're going to hurt the gymnasts
Why do they play football inside?
Here's another shot of fencing
And I've mostly been lit from behind
Watch these shadows run off
I walk onto a terrace, where I think I'm alone
But Arthur Fonzarelli's got an army of clones
(Fonzi's been cloned!)
They do the Macarena
But I'm still not impressed
Rachel: They beg for me to dance with them
But not in this dress!
Both: I'll pose like Rocky tonight!
I'm running up a bunch of stairs
(Strip football and surprise mirror!)
Rachel: Here's where I pretend to be Eva Peron
Look at me, I'm lifting my arms
There's nothing else to shoot
So just zoom the camera under this arch
Leaning on myself because there's two of me here
Werewolf: But now, there's only one in this shot
Both: I pull my feathered hair
Whenever I see floating cloth
Werewolf: (Midnight moon)
Rachel: Why am I in love here with a werewolf who plots to dominate the entire galaxy?
Werewolf: (I am here)
Rachel: Why does he want the total destruction of the entirety of the whole human race?
Werewolf: (Turned to stone)
Rachel: Look at all those poor animals, they have been transformed into stone statues, forever more the spell won't reverse!
Werewolf: (Halloween!)
Rachel: There is a weird old Jack O'Lantern resembling a certain emperor of evil, who is his master all along with his friends!
Werewolf: (Blind possessed choir boys.)
Rachel: Get out of my way! I've gotta pee!
Werewolf: (Zombie cult?)
Scared Man: (Aah flying altar boy!)
Rachel: Never mind. I just went on the floor!
Both: Now I need to find a mop!
(Look at me now!)
Emo Kid wears too much make-up
Now watch a bunch of half-naked guys
(Hairless chests)
As they dance around in diapers
And I've joined the Glee Club of the Damned
(Reference joke!)
Look the fog machine's on!
What kind of private school would let in these kind of guys?
It started out as Hogwarts, now it's Lord of the Flies!
(I hated that book.)
I'm swaying side to side
These dancers need to stop
The gayest man on earth would call this over the top!
I whip my head to the right!
I'll never go to church again
I think I lost a contact lens
Rachel: When did spazzing out qualify as a dance?
Kneeling like I want to throw up
Both: What the effing crap?
That angel guy just felt me up!
Rachel: Here's a line of guys. I was wearing a dress
Werewolf: But now they've got you wearing a suit
Both: One kid's running late
I think he's too young for this school
Rachel: I can't go now with him
I'm totally shaking his hand
There's nothing I can't win
A total eclipse of the moon!
(song ends)
Category:Songs
Category:Duets