The Mysterious Wangsheng Parlor

The Mysterious Wangsheng Parlor is the first part of .
==Steps==
#Go to Wuwang Hill
#Catch up to the fleeing Meng
#Accompany Hu Tao to the Adventurers' Guild
#Go back to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor with Hu Tao
#Investigate the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's surroundings while waiting for Hu Tao (0/3)
#*Talk to the Ferrylady in front of the building
#*Examine the board in front of the building
#*Examine the door of the building
#Talk to Hu Tao again
#Visit a potential client with Hu Tao
#*Talk to Little Wu
#Continue visiting potential clients
#*Talk to Mumu
#*Talk to Congzi
==Dialogue==
;(Approach the marked location)
: Paimon: Wh—Why did we come here? Paimon's got a bad feeling about this...
: Paimon: Not that Paimon's scared or anything, just... concerned for your safety.
: Paimon: It's just that this is how lots of scary stories go — you're in an empty place in the middle of nowhere, there's barely any light, and then just when you least expect it, a stranger comes out of—
: Meng: —Ah?
: Paimon: Waaaaaah! Quick , do something!!!
: Didn't you say you weren't scared?
: Didn't you say you were concerned about my safety?
: Paimon: Paimon's intuition says that anyone we run into here is going to be far from normal!
: Paimon: If he gets us, he's gonna eat Paimon for sure!
: Meng: Wh—Who are you?
: I'm a traveler.
:: Meng: T—Traveler? Are you from one of the other nations? No, I've never seen your kind of attire before...
:: Meng: Could it be that you t—traveled from... the other side!?
: I came from beyond the heavens.
:: Meng: "Beyond the heavens"? A strange way of putting it...
:: Meng: D—Don't try to scare me!
: Meng: I'm just here for a funeral — I don't mean to offend. No matter who you are, there's no need for any ill will between us!
: Paimon: Phew, seems he's just your average scaredy-cat. He looks more afraid than Paimon.
: Did I scare him?
:: Paimon: Yep yep! You should leave the introductions to Paimon!
: But you're kinda terrifying.
:: Paimon: Eh? Am not! Paimon's super friendly-looking.
: Paimon: Don't be afraid, we come in peace.
: Meng: —Aaaah! Gods protect me!
: Paimon: No, no, no! Stop freaking out, and stand still! Relax!
: Meng: "Relax"!? Yes, whatever you say! Please, stay your hand!
: Meng: Don't come any closer! I mean you no harm! Don't! Don't touch me!
;(Meng runs off)
: Paimon: Hey! Paimon already said, nothing's gonna happen!
;(After the cutscene)
: Paimon: Was it... something Paimon said?
: Paimon: Let's go after him, he might do something stupid.
----
;(Approach Meng)
: Meng: Director! Director! There's a ghost after me!
: ???: Oh?
: ???: Ha, don't get too excited. These are clients, not ghosts.
: Paimon: Exactly! We said we're not ghosts. Why won't you calm down and let us explain?
: Paimon: Although... "clients" doesn't seem quite right either.
: ???: Aiya, forgive me, this is one of our new undertakers, Meng. It's his first time working a funeral, so of course, he's afraid of his own shadow.
: Paimon: Funeral... Funeral... Oh! The Wangsheng Funeral Parlor — Zhongli is a consultant there. They deal with this stuff a lot, right?
: ???: Oh, you know Zhongli? Well! That saves me a lot of explaining.
: Hu Tao: I'm Hu Tao, the current director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, responsible for... well, trifling matters having to do with mortality.
: Hu Tao: A satisfying trade to be in, though, and Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is well-known around town. Whatever the request, I'd be glad to hear it.
: I don't think we fall into the "client" category.
: Paimon: Yeah, if we were looking for Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's help, this is hardly the place we would come to.
: Hu Tao: Ah but you see, I wasn't referring to clients in the business sense. Everyone who enters this mortal realm will be a client of mine.
: Hu Tao: Sooner or later...
: Paimon: Well that's dark!
: Hu Tao: Wangsheng Funeral Parlor welcomes advance reservations! When you choose us, you'll never have to worry about what might be around the corner.
: Hu Tao: But be sure to book the right date! Pro tip: it is a living nightmare trying to get flowers at short notice...
: Hu Tao: Speaking of dates, if you're struggling to decide, please do come and talk it over. I'd hate to see you still alive and kicking when your big day comes.
: Paimon: Whoa! Slow down!
: Paimon: That's— You— ... There's a lot to unpack here...
: That all sounded very bizarre.
: Is everyone at Wangsheng Funeral Parlor a weirdo?
: Meng: You'll have to excuse her. The director is a rather unique individual. Allow me to explain.
: Meng: We heard that there'd been some supernatural activity at Wuwang Hill. To restore calm here, we performed a funeral ceremony.
: Meng: It went very smoothly! According to the director, we shouldn't be expecting any more issues in the near future.
: Hu Tao: Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, Wuwang Hill, funeral... What more is there to say? These three belong in the same sentence.
: Hu Tao: You two on the other hand, have no business coming to Wuwang Hill. You being here is not normal.
: Paimon: Umm... Maybe your understanding of "normal" isn't quite normal?
: I'm here on an adventure.
: Hu Tao: Adventure? Aha, you must hail from the Adventurers' Guild.
: Hu Tao: Then you are one of our distinguished clients! "Wood," to be precise.
: Paimon: "Wood"? What do you mean?
: Hu Tao: That's just how we gauge our client's importance. We have four levels: "wicker," "bamboo," "wood," and "marble." The higher the grade, the better we'd like to get to know you.
: Meng: But I've just only heard of this!
: Hu Tao: Well, that's because I only just thought of it. Oh, don't look so shocked.
: Hu Tao: Take a look, our adventurers spend the whole day scaling mountains, clearing domains, and smiting enemies. Danger and peril are their bread and butter.
: Hu Tao: Clients like these deserve better treatment. Taking an interest in their daily lives will ultimately benefit not only them, but also me...
: Charming...
: How subtle of you.
: Hu Tao: Eh, touched a nerve, did I? I'd have thought any adventurers who dare come here would be used to conversations like this.
: Hu Tao: Anyway, I have a favor to ask. Recently, Wangsheng Funeral Parlor has been trying to strike a business deal with the Adventurers' Guild. With you acting as an intermediary, it would be so much easier.
: I don't really want to take part in your business.
: What's in it for me?
: Hu Tao: Hmm, let me think what I could offer you as a reward. Or perhaps there's a favor I could do in return?
: Paimon: Ah, we're looking for someone! We've asked a lot of people, but nobody seems to have a clue where they are.
: Hu Tao: This seems like something right up my alley. I can even inquire with "the ones who no longer speak" for you.
: Hu Tao: You see! Helping me will be worth your while... Come on then, my able assistants! Let's get down to Liyue Harbor and do some business!
: Paimon: Uh, when did we become your assistants!?
;(After the cutscene)
: Paimon: Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, "the ones who no longer speak"... Did she mean talking to the dead?
: Paimon: Uh... She's a weird one.
----
;(Approach Lan at the Adventurers' Guild)
: Lan: Ugh, you again... Look, I told you, we're not interested in the kind of cooperation you describe.
: Hu Tao: Come on, there's no reason to get upset. Look, one of your members is an avid supporter of my proposition!
: I... have to agree.
: Just hear her out.
: Hu Tao: Since our last negotiation, I've come up with a new proposal, which I think you'll find has far more benefits for you.
: Hu Tao: First things first, Wangsheng Funeral Parlor will prioritize the Adventurers' Guild requests above all others. You'll also receive 100 of our signature wooden coffins for free, together with your first order.
: Hu Tao: That's not all! We also provide an on-site cadaver collection service covering almost all regions in Liyue. Now, we do charge a slight premium for a very small number of especially dangerous areas, but... but don't you worry about that, I promise you it's still very affordable!
: Lan: I don't think you're hearing me...
: Hu Tao: Okay, alright. I get it, you want to bargain a little more. But our offer as it stands is already quite a good deal, don't you think?
: Hu Tao: Just think about it. An adventurer's life is full of unexpected threats. It's only natural to take precautions. "Mend the roof before it rains," as they say.
: Lan: Yeah... no. I'm not so sure that saying applies in this context.
: Lan: Speaking of precautions, I'd rather focus on keeping my adventurers safe in the first place.
: Lan: It's time for you to go. I have to attend to other matters.
: Hu Tao: Wait, hold on! Wh—What would you say to a group discount!? Thirty percent off for parties of ten!
: Meng: Director! Please, you did your best... We don't need another clash with the Millelith.
: Paimon: Uh... If Paimon understood all that correctly, it seems like she's trying to sell them the funeral parlor's services.
: I side with Lan on this issue.
: This will get us nowhere.
: Hu Tao: Aiya, nothing left to do here. Let's go back to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.
;(After the cutscene)
: Hu Tao: Hmph, rejecting a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. It's their loss.
: Hu Tao: Some things are inevitable. It's only a matter of time.
;(Talk to Lan again)
: Lan: I have a reputation for being a weirdo amongst the ranks of the Adventurers' Guild...
: Lan: But it's only because they haven't had an opportunity to talk to Hu Tao.
----
;(Examine the board before approaching Hu Tao and Meng)
:Examine Board: (Seems like there's a board outside Wangsheng Funeral Parlor with lots of blank wooden tiles hanging from it... Hmm... what are they for?)
:Examine Board: (Never mind, I'm not sure I want to find out.)
;(Talk to the Ferrylady before approaching Hu Tao and Meng)
: Ferrylady: ...
: Ferrylady: Just look for the director.
;(Approach Hu Tao at the Parlor)
: Hu Tao: *sigh* Seems like the old ways are the most reliable after all.
: Hu Tao: Meng, are you done preparing our promotional materials?
: Meng: Ah... My apologies, I'm only about halfway through. Do you really think they'll be effective?
: Hu Tao: Trust me, they're going to work wonders. This marketing strategy has been used by Wangsheng Funeral Parlor for generations.
: Hu Tao: Clients in need come to our door and write down their commissions on blank wooden tiles. Then, they squeeze those inside the parlor through the crack under the door.
: Hu Tao: I fulfill the request written on each tile to make sure our clients are satisfied with the service, no matter if it's an obituary, cremation, or funeral that they seek.
: Hu Tao: Although... it is a bit of a hassle with the constant back and forth. If only we could burn 'em by the batch...
: Meng: No, director, I'm not asking about the wooden tiles themselves but about the "special offer" they advertise.
: Special offer?
: Didn't you say the wooden tiles should be blank?
: Hu Tao: Hehe, Wangsheng Funeral Parlor should keep up with the times! Just think about it! If we don't attract new clients, we'll be left with nothing, won't we?
: Hu Tao: Business development is a crucial element of every prosperous enterprise. I've been trying various marketing strategies ever since I became the director.
: Hu Tao: I put up posters, just like all the other shops, but the Millelith promptly removed them.
: Hu Tao: Then, I organized the "Wangsheng Visitor's Day," but no one showed up.
: Paimon: Well that doesn't come as a huge surprise...
: Hu Tao: And finally, I discovered that the traditional ways are the most reliable after all. I took inspiration from the wisdom of previous directors.
: Hu Tao: So now, I go from door to door, looking for people and organizations willing to cooperate. Just like during our visit to the Adventurers' Guild! That's what I mean by "business development."
: Hu Tao: The other method I'm trying is using the wooden tiles as coupons. Just by writing things like "Buy one get one free for the holder of this tile" on them.
: Paimon: Wh—What do they buy and what do they get?
: Hu Tao: Hehe, a solid and durable "second home," of course.
: Hu Tao: They may not need it right away, but they can be sure that when they do, it will still be as good as new. "It won't start deteriorating before you finish doing so yourself" — that's the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor quality guarantee.
: ...I don't know what to say to that.
: No wonder you're on the Millelith's radar.
: Hu Tao: Alright Meng, keep adding those special offers to the wooden tiles! The future of our business depends on it.
: Meng: I'm still not sure this will work...
: Hu Tao: Oh, I get it! You think that our special offer is not comprehensive enough, right?
: Hu Tao: It is true, I was offering all kinds of great benefits to the Adventurers' Guild because they are a new client.
: Hu Tao: But in doing so, I neglected my old clients. You're right, it's unfair.
: Hu Tao: Hmm, let me do some market research! Wait here, my faithful assistants, I'll be back with you in a moment. It shouldn't take too long.
: Paimon: Paimon already told you, we're not your assistants!
: Paimon: *sigh* Guess we got dragged into somebody else's business AGAIN. Let's look around while she's away.
;(Talk to Hu Tao or Meng again)
: Hu Tao: Hmm... The way we're wording this lacks... warmth and sincerity.
: Hu Tao: If we're content to settle for just seeing people off, how can we give them a sense of really having "gained" something?
: Meng: But... that's a tough feeling to convey in this industry...
: Hu Tao: Precisely the problem! If we can't get that feeling across, then how will we get return clients?
: Meng: R—Return clients?
----
;(Talk to the Ferrylady)
: Ferrylady: You must be the Director's new hires?
: Paimon: Not us! We're just very curious about Wangsheng Funeral Parlor and Hu Tao.
: Ferrylady: Well, I wouldn't get too curious if I were you. Too much knowledge isn't good for ordinary folk.
: Ferrylady: The director is tactful when it comes to what should and shouldn't be known.
: Paimon: Her? Tactful?
;(Examine the board)
:Examine Board: (A board used for hanging Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's wooden tiles. According to Hu Tao, all the tiles should be blank...)
:Examine Board: (...In which case, the characters on the back of the tiles must be the "special offer.")
;(Examine the door)
:Examine Door: (So, behind this door is Wangsheng Funeral Parlor...)
:Examine Door: (It looks far more ordinary than the director made it out to be.)
;(After looking at all of the surroundings)
: Paimon: We should get going, let's go find Hu Tao.
----
;(Talking to Hu Tao)
: Hu Tao: That's settled then, write it like this:
: Hu Tao: "Wangsheng Funeral Parlor Bumper Sale! Buy One, Get One Free! Buy Two, Get Three Free! More For Your Mora!"
: Hu Tao: Hee-hee! I love it, better than all that lifeless brochure stuff. We want people to feel warm and fuzzy.
: Meng: But Director... Isn't lifeless the name of the game in this industry?
: Hu Tao: That's old hat, we're opening up new ground.
: Meng: Why does Wangsheng Funeral Parlor need to open up... *sigh* Yes, Director.
: Paimon: Poor guy's given up...
: Hu Tao: Right, we should get going. I am not letting new business escape us.
: Paimon: "We"? ...As in, us?
: Hu Tao: Who else? Do you see anyone else around here? ...Well, you probably wouldn't see them if there was.
: Paimon: Stop adding little afterthoughts like that! Creeps people out!
: Hu Tao: Hee-hee, just a joke, sorry. Everything you see is everything that's present. For the moment, at least.
: Comforting.
: It's good to think before you speak.
: Hu Tao: Ah, lighten up! The way I see it, people make death scarier than it really is.
: Hu Tao: What people truly fear about departing this world is suffering and regret. To deal with the trauma, they let their imaginations run wild with notions of ghosts and evil spirits.
: Hu Tao: All baseless fantasies. What we've ended up with is a topic that people are morbidly afraid of talking about... If I don't broach the subject, then Wangsheng Funeral Parlor won't be long for this world.
: But... I've seen a ghost.
: Hu Tao: Oh? More approachable and appeasable than you'd imagined?
: Paimon: Uhh, Paimon wouldn't say that. Let's just say, at least it didn't hurt us...
: Hu Tao: You must have come across a particularly ferocious entity. How should I put this... Most spirits are incapable of harming ordinary folks.
: Hu Tao: The job of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is to "guard the border between life and death." One component of this is correcting notions of death and the afterlife that people may hold. Simply put, for those unable to see the "border," they're best kept as far away from it as possible.
: Hu Tao: So for ordinary folks, the best-case scenario is ignorance of all matters concerning spirits and the afterlife — or even better, a belief that none of it exists.
: Paimon: Then you really don't have any excuse for spooking the heck out of people!
: Hu Tao: Haha, you make it sound so abominable. I'm just trying to get them to see the humor in it all.
: That's why people think you're weird.
: I've yet to see the funny side...
: Hu Tao: I never thought you'd be such a bore. Never mind! If you stick by me, everything will become clear.
: Hu Tao: Alright, let's get going. Follow me.
: Meng: Director, wait — what about Big G? Don't forget...
: Paimon: Big G? Who's that? We've been in Liyue for ages and never heard that name.
: Hu Tao: Oh nothing, just something Meng's been pleading with me to take care of. Should be a piece of cake.
;(After the cutscene)
: Paimon: Where are we going?
: Hu Tao: To visit an important potential client. I'll lead the way.
;(Talk to Meng again)
: Meng: *sigh* Big G... How did it all turn out like this...
: Meng: Ah, don't mind me, just thinking out loud.
;(Talk to Ferrylady again)
: Ferrylady: Stick close to the director, she knows what she's doing.
;(Examine the board again)
:Examine Board: (A board outside Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. Clients use the wooden tiles to write down their commissions, before sliding them under the crack of the door.)
:Examine Board: (Hu Tao's advertisements can be found on the back of each tile: "Buy one get free for the holder of this tile.")
----
;(Talk to Little Wu)
: Little Wu: Uh... Sorry, who are you?
: Hu Tao: Hello! I'm Hu Tao, Director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor.
: Little Wu: Okay, so why would someone from Wangsheng Funeral Parlor be looking for me?
: Hu Tao: Mmm... nothing major. How are you feeling these days? Any aches or pains?
: Hu Tao: You shouldn't ignore them, by the way. Very often, they're an omen of something terminal.
: Hu Tao: When we're healthy, it's easy to forget the crushing fragility of life. So... aches and pains. Best to keep an eye on them.
: Little Wu: What are you getting at!? I'm in great health and enjoying life very much, thank you!
: Little Wu: Go and find some other poor soul! Goodbye!
:;(Little Wu turns away)
;(After the cutscene)
: Hu Tao: Ugh, why do they get angry? What's wrong with a few earnest health tips?
: Paimon: Paimon thinks it's because they're coming from the director of a funeral parlor...
;(Talk to Little Wu again)
: Little Wu: Don't bother me again! I'm doing just fine!
----
;(Talk to Mumu)
: Mumu: Uh, and you are? Be quick, I'm busy.
: Hu Tao: Hello there, would you be interested in understanding a bit about our services at the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor?
: Mumu: Wangsheng Funeral Parlor? Uhhhh... I'm not in need of your services.
: Mumu: So you're out here... looking for new customers? Don't you think this might be a bit of a crass way of going about it?
: Hu Tao: Hardly. Isn't this the fashion these days? "Bring the service to the customer," and all that?
: Mumu: I'm not sure it's every service that falls into that...
: Mumu: Anyway, please bother someone else if you don't mind.
;(After the cutscene)
: Hu Tao: Ugh... another failure. Still, not the end of the world.
: Paimon: Paimon's curious, does this approach ever work out for you?
;(Talk to Mumu again)
: Mumu: Please, bother someone else if you don't mind.
----
;(Talk to Congzi)
: Congzi: I know your face... The Wangsheng Funeral Parlor Director, right? Sorry, I'm really in no need of—
: Hu Tao: Don't apologize, get to know us! We've got a new sale going on.
: Hu Tao: Ever hear the saying "out with the old, in with the new"? Well, going out with a bang is the best way to start off in style on the other side! Hee-hee.
: Congzi: If you keep talking like this, I'll have to call the Millelith.
: Hu Tao: No no no — okay, relax, we're leaving.
: Hu Tao: But Wangsheng Funeral Parlor awaits your distinguished patronage.
;(After talking to Congzi)
: Paimon: You really don't give up, do you?
: Tough crowd.
: There's no persuading them.
: Hu Tao: Hmm? Are you trying to make me feel better?
: Hu Tao: ...Thank you. Seems you understand me far better than most people.
: Paimon: Not really, this is just getting really uncomfortable...
: Enough "business development." Please, help me find someone.
: Hu Tao: "Business development"? Is that what you see this as?
: Hu Tao: Surely you don't think all that was "business development"!?
: Paimon: Then what was it exactly!? Traumatization for its own sake!?
: Hu Tao: No no no, the "business development" ended after the discussion with the Adventurers' Guild!
: Hu Tao: I was helping to find somebody for Meng. You remember Big G?
: Rings a bell.
: I don't recall...
: Hu Tao: As it turns out, the "Big G" that Meng is looking for is a ghost adrift in the mortal realm.
: Hu Tao: The three we saw just now were all people I suspected of being followed by Big G. But having seen them, I didn't sense the presence of anything otherworldly.
: Hu Tao: So we just had a quick chat, and I left it at that.
: If that was "stopping for a quick chat"...
: I wonder what "business development" looks like...
: Paimon: Why didn't you say so? Paimon thought you had some kinda sixth sense for, uh... People in declining health...
: Hu Tao: Huh? What would I need that kind of ability for? I'm no doctor.
: Hu Tao: Haha! Were you seriously hoping that the Director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor was going to start healing people? Or...
: Paimon: Paimon was trying to subtly imply that... Uh... never mind, Paimon wouldn't know how to explain subtlety in a way you'd understand...
: Hu Tao: Uh... Well, let's leave that for now and head back to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. This Big G matter is very closely linked to Meng.
----
;(Talk to Congzi again)
: Congzi: You're still here? That's it, I'm calling the Millelith.
==Other Languages==
==Change History==
es:La misteriosa Funeraria El Camino
pt-br:O Mistério da Funerária de Wangsheng