Once On A Housetop Script

(the theme song plays and the title card is shown.)
(The film opens with the cool rap, Ashes to Ashes.)
BIG SWEEP: Attention Sweeps! Brooms up! Shoulders down! Stomachs in! Look sharp now! We’ve got a solid reputation to uphold here. Now, who are we?
ALL SWEEPS: Sweeps, sir!
BIG SWEEP: And what do we do? 
ALL SWEEPS: Sweep, sir!
BIG SWEEP: And what do we sweep? 
ALL SWEEPS: CHIMNEYS!
BIG SWEEP: That’s right. We sweep chimneys. (He looks in a chimney.) They sent us here to clean a whole neighborhood of dirty, sooty chimneys. By the looks of things, this must be the place. I’ve never seen such a bunch of clogged up chimneys in my entire career.
ASH CAN: Me neither. We better get to work or these people are going to have some smoky surprises for their holidays.
SWEEPSTAKES: We don’t mean smoked sausages.
BIG SWEEP: Now, let’s spread out and get to work. Let’s make this the best holiday these folks have ever had by making sure their chimneys are safe, sound, and sanitary. On the count of 3. One, two, three...
ALL SWEEPS: Go, Sweeps!
(Meanwhile, on top of a fancy manor...)
COBWEB: This is the most clogged-up chimney I’ve ever tried to clean. I can’t even get down far enough to get a good look at it.
SOOTY: Here, let me try. I’ve never seen a chimney I couldn’t conquer. (Cobweb climbs out and Sooty pushes on the chimney.)
SANTA: (Voice from the chimney) OW! Ho ho ho!
SOOTY: (to Cobweb) What happened? Did you 'hurt yourself?
COBWEB: I didn’t say anything. (Sooty pushes again.)
SANTA: OW! Ho ho ho!
SOOTY: (to Cobweb) What’s the matter with you? Why do you keep saying "OW, ho ho ho?"
COBWEB: I didn’t say anything, it came from in there. (Cobweb points to the chimney. Sooty pushes once more.)
SANTA: OW! Ho-ho-ho! (SOOTY and COBWEB look in.)
SOOTY AND COBWEB: YIKES!
(BIG RED FELLA)
(After singing, Cobweb pushes on Santa and he tumbles down the chimney, landing in the fireplace.)
SANTA: Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas, everybody!
COBWEB and SOOTY: Hey, Santa!
SANTA: Of course! Who did you expect, the Easter Bunny? Ho! Ho! Ho!
ASH CAN: Hello Santa. What were you doing halfway down that chimney?
SANTA: I was trying to deliver presents to a wonderful family down there, but halfway down, I’m afraid I got stuck. I guess I’ve been enjoying a few too many of Mrs. Claus’ Christmas cookies. Ho-ho-ho!
SWEEPY: Maybe this year, you’d better just use the door instead of the chimney, Santa.
BIG SWEEP: Don’t worry, Santa. You haven’t gained too much weight. This chimney is so full of carbon and cobwebs that nobody could fit down it. Speaking of which, use the door next time. Doors are more festive than chimneys, you know. Sweeps, ten hut! (The Sweeps stand at attention.) Little Ash, do your thing. (Little Ash jumps into the chimney and cleans it.)
LITTLE ASH: All finished, sir! Clean as a whistle! There’s plenty of room for you now, Mr. Claus!
SANTA: Ho-ho-ho! Thank you ever so much for all your help. Now I can deliver my presents and be on my way. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
SWEEPS: MERRY CHRISTMAS, SANTA!
(transition to Leonard's house)
FLUEY: Hey Sweepstakes, come over here and have a look at this!
SWEEPSTAKES: What is it, Fluey?
FLUEY: Look down there. I’ve never seen such a sad little girl in my whole life.
SWEEPSTAKES: What do you think is the problem?
FLUEY: Sadness, Sweepstakes. Simply sadness.
SWEEPSTAKES: Oh, how awful. And right in the middle of the holidays.
FLUEY: We can’t just stand here. We’ve got to do something about it. (All the SWEEPS gather to listen.)
LEONARD: (aloud to himself) I’ve had a REALLY bad year. I don’t even deserve to celebrate Kwanzaa with the rest of my family.
SWEEPSTAKES: Wow! What could he have done that was so terrible? 
FLUEY: I don't know.
LEONARD: I could name many things I've done wrong this year. I deserve to be left out of the Kwanzaa festivities now and forever.
SMOLDER: He doesn’t look like he could ever be that bad. 
SOOTY: In fact, he's a cutie!
SWEEPSTAKES: Doesn’t that little girl know that Kwanzaa is a holiday that helps us celebrate all the wonderful things in our lives?
SOOTY: Yeah, like family and friends... 
SMOLDER: Faith and creativity...
BRICKETTE: Unity and purpose!
FLUEY: Not only that, but Kwanzaa is a time for new ideas, new dreams, a fresh start! 
SOOTY: Well, what are we going to do about it?
FLUEY: We’ve got to convince this little guy that every year during Kwanzaa, we can start all over again. We celebrate our past and look forward to our future. This little guy needs to believe that he deserves that chance, too. Come on and gather 'round. We’ve got a message to deliver. Hey, Leonard! Let's sing!
SONG: KWANZAA
BIG SWEEP: Good work, sweeps. Now take a good long lunch break. About three minutes or so. 
COBWEB: Get over here, Sweeps. We’ve got an emergency!
BIG SWEEP: What is it now?
COBWEB: Poor family, boss. Mighty poor. So poor they don’t have the ingredients for latkes.
ASH CAN: Latkes? You mean those yummy potato pancakes? 
SHINGLES: No latkes? That is an emergency.
COBWEB: That’s right, Shingles. No latkes for Hanukkah.
LEAH: Ima, Aba, time for latkes!
Aba: Sorry, we don't have enough time.
Ima: Sorry Leah, no latkes for you!
(The Sweeps send Leah ingredients.)
LEAH: Thank you, chimneysweeps! It's time for latkes again!
(LOTS OF LATKES)
SHINGLES: Hey, you guys! Come over here! I’m seeing the most miraculous thing.
ASH CAN: Get off that roof, Shingles! We don’t have to sweep the chimneys on the stables, too. 
SHINGLES: No, really. You’ve go to see what I see down there.
ALL SWEEPS: Oh, look-it’s a cute little manger!
FLUEY: I see Baby Jesus in the crib!
SHINGLES: Happy birthday, Jesus!
(JUST A TINY BABY)
ANGEL 1: Hello, Sweeps. What are you all looking at?
SWEEPS: YIKES!
ANGEL 1: I hope I’m not too late to see the baby.
LITTLE ASH: Are you really an angel?
ANGEL 1: Yes-and who are you?
LITTLE ASH: I’m Little Ash, a chimney sweep.
ANGEL 1: So you are! You are most definitely in need of a bath.
ANGEL 2: Do you Sweeps know anything about piñatas?
SMOLDER: Yep-Latin Americans, especially Mexicans, break them to reveal surprises inside.
SWEEPY: Let's have a piñata party to celebrate our successful chimney-sweeping and flue-cleaning with our friends, Leonard and Leah!
THE KIDS: (CHANTING) Pin-ya-tah! Pin-ya-tah!
BIG SWEEP: Let's play!
(BREAK THE PINATA)
Leonard and Leah: Yaaaay sweeps! This has been the best holiday season ever!
ALL THE CHARACTERS: Happy Holidays!
(The credits roll as the theme song plays.)
Category:Songs