Fire Is Cool!

Fire Is Cool! is the 2nd episode of the first season of Late Nights With Sheldon!, releasing April 16th 2023, and written by Locknloaded23.
== Plot ==
Plankton manages to find an interview guest.
== Script ==
(Episode begins with a shot of orange curtains as a drumroll plays)
Narrator: Ladies and gentleman, it’s time for the talk show we’re genuinely surprised wasn’t canceled - Late Nights With Sheldon!
(The audience cheers as the curtains raised, showing Plankton and Squidward both sleeping; a silence fills the room)
Narrator: Uh… Sheldon? Squidward?
(No response)
Narrator: Hello?! It’s time to go on!
(No response)
Narrator: HEY!
(Sheldon and Squidward both wake up shouting)
Plankton: HEY, SQUIDWARD! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN’, SLEEPING ON THE JOB?
Squidward: But, you-
Plankton: TO YOUR POST! AND DON’T LET ME CATCH YOU DOING THAT AGAIN!
(Squidward runs off)
Plankton: You slacker. (Clears throat) Greetings, ladies and gentlemen! I’m Sheldon J. Plankton, your talk show host!
(The audience cheers)
Plankton: I am seriously surprised we haven’t been canceled. I mean… Really? After last episode’s disaster? We almost destroyed that tape. 
Squidward: I would’ve gladly destroyed it.
Plankton: But, we decided not to, and here we are - we have been picked up for more episodes! (Slight chuckle) I mean, seriously? (Clears throat) But I digress. Tonight’s show will be way better than last nights - we actually HAVE a guest tonight! Can you believe it? Our guest tonight is, uh… Squidward, who is it?
Squidward: Ask Manray. He’s the one who knows that stuff.
Plankton: But doesn’t he also tell YOU that stuff?
Squidward: He does, but most of the time, I don’t listen.
Plankton: (Annoyed sigh) Fine. ManRay, who is our guest tonight?
ManRay: I don’t know yet. We’re still seeing if we can get anyone.
Plankton: BUT THE DAMN SHOW JUST STARTED!
ManRay: WELL, YOU TOLD ME TO GET A GUEST 10 MINUTES AGO! I HAD NO IDEA THE SHOW WAS STARTING!
Squidward: Guys, GUYS! Come on! We can’t keep arguing like this. That’s why our last episode turned out so bad.
(Sheldon and ManRay just stare downward)
Plankton: You’re right. We shouldn’t argue like this.
ManRay: Listen, I’ll go see if I can make a guest happen. If I can’t, well… You’re gonna have to carry the show on.
Plankton: Son of a bitch…
Squidward: Why don’t you… uh… comment on a current political issue.
Plankton: Nah, nah. If I spoke about my political views I would most certainly be out of a job.
Squidward: That’s… Concerning.
Plankton: (Shrugs) Eh. It is what it is.
ManRay: (Runs towards Plankton’s desk) Plankton, I actually found a guest!
Plankton: Wow, really? Who is it?
(ManRay whispers into Plankton’s ear)
Plankton: Wait, really? THAT guy? But that show got canceled months ago!
ManRay: They were the cheapest I could get on such short notice.
Plankton: Uh… Okay then. Well, I guess we DO have a guest tonight, so, please give a warm welcome… to REX FROM NKC!
(Rex walks onto the set and sits on the chair)
Rex: Hi, Plankton.
Plankton: Greetings, Rex. Pleasure having you here.
Rex: Pleasure being here.
Squidward: Wait, our first guest is REX? A character from a CANCELED SHOW?
Plankton: I guess so. 
Squidward: I hated NKC.
Plankton: Well, too bad, ‘cus this is what we’re doing, apparently. (Clears throat) So, Rex, I understand that your show got canceled.
Rex: Why is everyone bringing that sh[dolphin chirp] up? I know my show was canceled. Stop reminding me.
Plankton: And I understand with the cancellation of your show, we never truly got to see the conclusion to your story involving Krabs and Lankton.
Rex: Nah.
Plankton: Shame. Real shame.
Rex: Eh. It’s whatever.
Plankton: How are Krabs and Lankton, by the way?
Rex: I haven’t talked to either of them in a while.
Plankton: Oh.
Rex: Yeah.
(Awkward silence)
Plankton: Could you call them?
Rex: What?
Plankton: Call them on your phone. Ask how they’re doing.
Rex: Uh. I guess…
(Rex pulls out his phone and starts dialing it, holding it to his ear, waiting for an uncomfortable amount of time before the call is picked up)
Rex: (Talking on phone) Yo, Lankton. Yeah, it’s me. How ya doing? (Pause) Good? That’s good. You’re probably wondering why I am calling you right now. (short pause) Wait, you’re watching the show right now? Oh. So, how - what? I’m sorry, what about Krabs? (Pause) Why was I never told? (Pause) Well that’s dumb. I should have been told about that. (Pause) Yeah. (Pause) Eh, whatever. So, how you, uh, how you been doing? (Pause) Oh, I, uh, already asked that. O-Okay. Yeah. B-what? What’s that? Oh, yeah. Okay, uh, b-bye. Yeah. Bye.
(Rex hangs up the phone)
Plankton: What was Lankton saying about Krabs?
Rex: He got shot in a failed drug deal.
(Awkward silence permeates the room once again)
Plankton: (Suddenly interrupting silence) Rex from NKC, everybody!
(Rex walks off the set as the audience cheers and clap)
Squidward: That was f[dolphin chirp] stupid as hell.
Plankton: It wasn’t that bad.
ManRay: No, it was pretty bad, Plankton.
Plankton: (Sighs) Well, damn it all. Another disappointing interview segment.
Squidward: So, what now-
(Static suddenly fills the screen as we see Patrick Star standing in a field)
Patrick Star: Hello pussies, this is Patrick’s new segment, where I do dangerous shit. Kids, try ALL of this at home.
(Sick guitar riff as we see Patrick holding a canister of gasoline)
Patrick: When I was a young star, my mother always told me, “Patrick, don’t you play with fire, now!” (Douses himself in gasoline) YEAH, WELL GUESS WHAT, MOM? YOU CAN’T F[dolphin chirp] STOP ME NOW! I’M GONNA F[dolphin chirp]ING LIGHT MYSELF ON MOTHERF[dolphin chirp] FIRE! 
(Patrick drops a lit match on himself as he bursts into flames, screaming in pain for a brief moment until static fills the screen again back to the set)
Plankton: What the hell was THAT segment?!
ManRay: Patrick asked for a segment since he worked backstage on the show, so I figured, why the hell not. Looking back, uh, there are some regrets.
Squidward: I dunno. I found that one pretty cool. I should try lighting myself on fire.
Plankton: Sure, go ahead.
(Zoom in on Plankton as we hear fires roar in the background as Squidward begins running around the set screaming in agony)
Plankton: For this next segment, I wanted to ask for audience opinions on Twitter about a certain topic.
Squidward: MY F[dolphin chirp] FLESH IS MELTING
Plankton: I asked on Twitter, “What do you think about the current war going on between the nations of Atlantis and Rock Bottom?,” and I got a plethora of different answers.
Squidward: AGONY AND NOTHING ELSE
Plankton: Our first response comes from “Derrek S. HitHead.”
(Squidward runs across the background, setting the background curtains on fire)
Plankton: He says, “I think Rock Bottom deserved to be attacked. They shouldn’t have instigated the conflict in the first place.”
Squidward: I CAN’T FEEL ANY PART OF MY BODY
(The fire grows bigger and bigger as Squidward continues dashing across the set; ManRay runs onto the set with a fire extinguisher, but activates it pointing towards him, making him be sprayed and fall to the floor)
Plankton: That’s certainly an interesting take on the subject. Not one I agree with, I’m a f[dolphin chirp] Nazi, but it’s respectable, at least. Our next reply comes from “Hitlerfan1945.”
Squidward: PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN
(The fire grows so big that the fire alarms go off as Squidward limps across the stage totally charred but no longer on fire; Plankton fails to notice the sprinklers or fire alarm)
Plankton: Fan1945 states, in all caps, “THOSE DAMN [long dolphin chirp] BETTER [long dolphin chirp] OR I WILL [long dolphin chirp].” (Short pause) Okay, well, we’re gonna have to censor a lot of that, but that should be fine to show.
Squidward: ambulance, i need an ambulance
Plankton: I think that will do it for this segment. Thanks for tuning in!
(Paramedics and firemen burst onto the set in attempt to burn out the raging fire, and Squidward is carried away on a gurdy; Plankton doesn’t react for a few seconds)
Plankton: (Zoom out to reveal the massive fire still on the set) Did someone turn on the heater?
(Static suddenly fills the screen to show the set totally burnt with only Plankton still in the studio)
Plankton: Well, that sure turned out better than our last episode! Dontcha agree, audience? 
(Crickets chirp)
Plankton: Thanks for watching, you’ve all been beautiful. Goodnight!
(Static ends the episode)
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