22 Very Short Films About Sproinkfeld

9th episode of The Sampsons.
(Bert and Moohouse are standing on a bridge.)
Bert: wouldn’t it be funny if i pushed you off
Moohouse: I hate you.
(silence)
Bert: man sproinkfeld sure is crazy
Moohouse: Yeah.
Bert: let’s spy on people
Moohouse: Okay.
Bert: Ok.
Moohouse: OK.
(They go spy on people)
FILM ONE
Humer: MERGE I HATE
Merge: Merge
Humer: YOUR STUPID FUCKING GLASSES (breaks Merge’s glasses)
Merge: Oh dear cannt seeeee
Humer: Haha! Ha Ha aha ah
(The world starts to disappear)
Merge: You idiot...the power of this universe revolves around my power. When I cannot see, neither can the world.
Humer: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
(Divorce)
FILM TWO
Mue: God, my life sucks. Everything sucks. I hate everyone. Fuck my life. God, my life sucks. Everything su-
Genie: Hello there, I shall grant you a wish. I will make your life not suck.
Mue: I’m in!
Genie: (snaps fingers)
(All the buildings start turning into SpongeBob)
Mue: WHAT THE HELL
RealTailsTH: This is now a fusion of TS and SBSP. The Spongesons.
Mue: Well, at least my life is more interesting. (drowns in water)
FILM THREE
Red Flanders: Wow it sure is hot in hell today.
(Mr. Barns appears out of nowhere wearing nothing but a speedo)
Mr. Barns: Am I hot too?
Red Flanders: NO! I’ll see you in he- oh wait you’re already there.
Mr. Barns: Nobody appreciates true sexiness…
(Apoo shows up out of nowhere)
Apoo: Hello I am apoo
Mr. Barns: You’re a piece of shit
Apoo: I am not you fuckwad
Red Flanders: You two should go to he- oh wait you already are.
FILM FOUR
Kranky The Klown: Huh huhh hHEyeyh Hy uck kiddos It’s me Kranky The Klown hUhahauh
Police: Mr. Kranky, you are under arrest.
Kranky The Klown: Under arrest?! Me?! I’m a family friendly role-model for kids of all ages.
Police: That’s what you want everyone to think. (pulls out photos) We have found photos of you sexually assaulting fellow crew members on this show.
Kranky: Oh...and not just the men, but the women. And the children too. They’re animals, and I assaulted them like animals.
Police: This isn’t funny anymore, this is just depressing. Not only are you a sex offender, you’re also a pedophile and a zoophile. This couldn’t possibly be any more pathetic.
Kranky: I also slept with your grandma.
Police: OH FOR GODS SA-
FILM FIVE
Miggie: (baby noise)
Other baby: (baby noise)
Miggie: (racist baby noise)
Other baby: (concerned baby noise)
Miggie: (even more racist baby noise)
Humer: HOLY SHIT! RACIST BABY FIGHT! I GOTTA GET IN ON THIS! I Hate Minorities
FILM SIX
Humer: Hey Bert wanna floss with me
Bert: You drunk fuck probably don’t even know how
Humer: yes i do watch this
(Humer flosses his teeth)
Bert: You idiot watch this
(Bert does the famous flossing dance from Fortnite 2)
Humer: IS THAT THE FAMOUS FLOSSING DANCE FROM FORTNITE 2???
Bert: yes
Humer: i wonder if there’s any porn of it
(CrazySponge appears)
CrazySponge: Yo fuck you fuck all of you this is going to ruin the reputation of fortnite 2 and this show fuck you stop being so horny fuck you die
Bert: naw
CrazySponge: Die
FILM SEVEN
Merge: Homie, dinner time!
Humer: That reminds me, I gotta go watch ball with the homies!
Merge: God fucking damn it not again.
(At Mue’s house)
Mue: Hey did I invite any of you here?
Random murderer: No, but I came here anyway.
Humer: I came here to watch the ball game.
Mue: Unless you’re willing to go into my sex dungeon there IS no ball game.
(Screaming can be heard downstairs)
Mue: Don’t worry about that.
FILM EIGHT
Lisa: Hey Bert.
Bert: yeah what is it
Lisa: Do you find it weird that my name is the only normal name here?
Bert: no
Lisa: Huh. Well it’s probably nothing then.
(zoom into space)
Kong: Haha...little does she know.
Kadas: I know right? 
Kong: Yes...we aliens are watching over her. She has great potential for our plan of world domination.
Kadas: Yes...yes.
Lisa: You know I can hear you guys.
Kong: Oh shit, we’ve been discovered!
Kadas: We must eradicate the evidence! 
(Kong and Kadas swallow pills and explode)
Bert: thats pretty cool (explodes)
Lisa: (heart attack, dies)
EVERYONE IS DEAD
FILM NINE
Humer: Hey honey do you wanna get drunk with me
Merge: Go get drunk with your sister, I don’t give a shit if she’s underage
Humer: cool
Lisa: Father, I am underage
Humer: AGE IS JUST A NUMBER BITCH
Renood: Did someone say underage?
Humer: This is fucked up.
(Rilf’s dad the policeman breaks down the door)
Mr. Waggam: You’re under arrest, Mr. Renood! Come out with your hands up!
Renood: You’ll never catch me, poopoo popo!
Mr. Waggam: Oh so we throwing around playground insults now eh?
Renood: No I just couldn’t think of anything else to say. Now bye. (he disappears from existence)
Humer: So Lisa wanna get drunk?
Lisa: After seeing all of those meme images posted, no.
Humer: Wait what memes-
Meme: DID SOMEONE SAY PIZZA FRIDAY?
Humer: What ze fuck was that
Meme: LIKE FOR JUSTIN BIEBER. SHARE FOR TROLLFACE.
Lisa: Oh god dad, it’s happening. The old memes from the early 2010s are coming back into existence.
Meme: WHEN THE IMPOSTER IS YUMMY
(Humer gets eaten by the meme)
Lisa: DAD NOOOOOO-
Merge: (sigh) Wanna drink with me, honey?
FILM TEN
Petaa: oh god, after that famly guy crossover, we have nothing left to do with our lives.
Loois: PETAA where the flying FUCK are we
Petaa: we’re in the wasteland of deserted characters.
Brain: im gonna die of heat stroke (dies)
Stew: NOOOOOOOO BRAIN NOOOOOOOOOOOOO OH MY GOD
Petaa: life is meaningless
Loois: life is meaningless
Stew: life is meaningless
Brain: (dead)
Crispy: Hello my name is Chris and I am no redeeming qualities 
(explosion)
FILM ELEVEN
Apoo: Ah, what a nice day to take a shit. Good thing I have no customers.
CrazySponge: WELP, time to kill myself. Hey, got any weapons?
Apoo: Hello come again
CrazySponge: Yeah, you, your line makes me want to die. Can you help?
Apoo: Thank you come again
CrazySponge: I mean I know your name is Apoo and all, but seriously?
Apoo: Thank you come again
CrazySponge: Yeah.
Apoo: Thank you come again
CrazySponge: Uh…
Apoo: Thank you come again
CrazySponge: Why do you keep saying the same thing?
Apoo: Thank you come again
CrazySponge: This is weird… (looks around) Where is everyone else?
Apoo: Thank you come again Thank you come again Thank you come again
CrazySponge: I’m going to walk backwards. Very slowly…
(CrazySponge walks backwards very slowly)
Apoo: YEAH THATS RIGHT GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY STORE ASSHOLE
FILM TWELVE
Bert: aw helllll yah only ten more films left
Moohouse: What are you talking about?
Bert: i...uh...y’know, the films...Man those cars are moving fast.
Moohouse: Yeah.
(Bert pushes Moohouse off the bridge)
Moohouse: Oh come on man!
(Moohouse dies)
Bert: Haha, ha. THAT IS HILARIOUS! Now what was i doing again?
FILM THIRTEEN
Bert: Hey, they said we couldn’t have sex… but we can still have this.
(Bert twerks)
Merge: Bert, what did I say about twerking in the house?
Bert: Uhh… don’t do it?
Merge: No. Do it outside for everyone to see!
Bert: Okay now you’re just asking for perverts.
Herbert: Heya fellas. I heard there was some twerking action going on over here.
Bert: Shut the hell up, unannounced Family Guy crossover!
Mr. Waggam: WHAT IN THE HELL IS UP WITH THE PEDOPHILES AROUND HERE?
Herbert: Gotta go! (he jumps out of an open window)
Bert: Maybe I should keep it indoors.
FILM FOURTEEN
Bert: im gonna tell a story. once upon a time, there was a guy. he’s dead now
FILM FIFTEEN
Mr. Barns: hm im going to start trying out some of those amazon kindles or whatever they sell here at barnes and noble. let’s see
(He turns on the kindle)
Mr. Barns: lets see how do i hold this
(he drops it)
Mr. Barns: Whoops
(it breaks)
B&N Manager: That’ll be 100 dollars sir.
Mr. Barns: Shut the fuck up i work here (slaps him and runs away)
(Mr. Barns runs back inside)
Mr. Barns: i also own the power plant and am incredibly rich (slaps him again.) hahahha (trips on a rock and cracks his neck) shit
FILM SIXTEEN
Rilf: I will now pick my nose for absolutely no reason.
(Rilf picks his nose and his whole body explodes)
Rilf: My body exploded!
Mr. Waggam: Oh no! Anyway…
FILM SEVENTEEN
Humer: Hey have you ever thought of why-
Lisa: I already know the answer to that.
Humer: Is it cucumber pie?
Lisa: Fuck you dad.
Humer: Well joke’s on you because I just wrote you out of the will yesterday.
Lisa: WHAT
Humer: Oh yeah and I just gave your sax to Mr Barns he can sell it back to you for a very good and reasonable price.
(Cut to Barnes & Nobles)
Mr Barns: Hello and welcome to Barnes & Nobles, where- oh it’s just you.
Lisa: I’ve never even been here before.
Mr Barns: I know, this was all an elaborate plan… to advertise our new Kindles!
Lisa: FUUUUUUUUUU-
FILM EIGHTEEN
Humer: Hey Merge, why do women live longer than men?
Merge: Because women don’t drink and drive like you do.
Humer: Not true! I saw you drink and drive yesterday.
Merge: Okay but I’m a woman so that doesn’t count.
Humer: (brain explodes)
Bert: I’ll clean it up this time.
(Stanta’s Wittle Helpa comes over and licks Humer’s brain)
Bert: Fuck you that was gonna be my snack for tonight.
FILM NINETEEN
Miggie: (sucks on pacifier)
Bert: Useless fucking baby. Can babies even do anything remotely interesting?
CrazySponge: i dont like where this is heading please stop this god please
Miggie: (pulls out a dog treat)
Bert: Oh that’s not so bad-
(Stanta’s Wittle Helpa runs by and bites Bert’s hand off)
Bert: AAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Miggie: (giggles)
CrazySponge: Die. Again.
FILM TWENTY
Red Flander: its time to take over heaven and make HELL TWO. time to put on my disguise. (turns into ned flanders) Hi diddly Ho neighborino (teleports into heaven)
God: dod ododod i am playing the simpsons game on wii
Ned Flanders: Hello, God.
God: Ned, you finally made it!
Ned Flanders: And it’s time for you to die. (shoots God)
God: Oh my god! You shot me! And you made me drop my copy of The Simpsons Game on Wii! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS RED FLANDERS!
Red Flanders: And now, you see, I WILL TAKE OVER HEAVE-
(God slaps Red Flanders off the cloud)
Red Flanders: AAAAAAAA
FILM TWENTY-ONE
Bert: Oh hey this film can drink.
Humer: DID SOMEBODY SAY DRINK
Bert: Where the fuck did you come from?
Humer: Every time I hear someone say drink, I appear.
(Humer teleports to Afghanistan)
Humer: WHERE’S THE BEER?
Afghanistan soldier: I’ll show you beer, foreigner. (shoots Humer)
Humer: Ha I have no brain, idiot. (gets shot in the chest) Fuck. (dies)
FILM TWENTY-TWO
(Ding-Dong)
Chlamers: Well Seemour, I made it, despite your directions.
Seemour: Ah, Superintendent Chlamers! I hope you’re prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!
Chlamers: Yeah.
(Seemour runs to the kitchen to see his roast is burnt.)
Seemour: Oh, egads! My roast is ruined! But what if...I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Ohoho, delightfully devilish Seemour.
(Chlamers enters the room)
Chlamers: Ah-
(song time)
Seemour: Superintendent! I was just… just stretching my calves on the windowsill. Isometric exercise, care to join me?
Chlamers: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Seemour?
Seemour: Oh, that isn’t smoke. It’s steam, steam from the steamed clams we’re having. Mmm, steamed clams.
(Chlamers leaves the room, and Seemour hops out of the window to purchase fast food)
Seemour: Superintendent, I hope you’re ready for some mouthwatering steamed clams!
Chlamers: I thought you said we were having hamburgers.
Seemour: Oh no, I said hamburgers. That’s what I call steamed hams.
Chlamers: You call steamed hams steamed hams?
Seemour: Yes. It’s a regional dialect.
Chlamers: Uh-huh. Eh, what region?
Seemour: Uhh, Long Island.
Chlamers: Really?
Seemour: Oh no, it’s a Long Island expression.
Chlamers: I see.
(they eat)
Chlamers: You know,
Seemour: Yes.
Chlamers: Quite similar.
Seemour: Aurora Borealis.
Chlamers: Yes.
Seemour: At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within your kitchen!?
Chlamers: Yes.
Seemour: Yes.
Anges: Seemour, the house is on fire!
Seemour: Yes.
Chlamers: Yes.
Anges: Seemour…
Chlamers: Well Seemour, you are an odd fellow, but I will admit, you steam a good
Anges: Help, HELP!
Fire truck: WEE WOO
WEE WOO WEOO WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO WEE WOO 
Anges: Help, Help!
Chlamers: No mother, that’s just the northern lights.
Anges: Help, HELP!
Seemour: Ham
(Bert and Humer walk by the house)
Bert: dad wat da heeeeelll is goin in there are they have sum (heh) (hehe) sex
Humer: DAMN IT BERT IF YOU SAY tHAT NAUGTHY FUCKIN WORD ONE MORE TIME oh yeah by the way this is what they do all the time you know its an annual tradition for them to recreate Steamed Hams and it seems theyve gone insane from it
Bert: Tanks
Merge: Speaking of insanity, ALL HAIL THE DARK LORD OF THE TWIN MOONS
Humer: Dough
(the end/??????ER$E/?R//???REm,njBErhyHJVEf)
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