Monstercaid For All

an adventure starring Firebreathing Kittens Tobias, Aaron, Beans.
Tweet Length Description: Tobias, Aaron, and Beans set out for an old fashioned monster hunt and learn the value of shared resource economies. They meet old friends and a few… not friends who run in fear from an exhibition of skill. #RugLife
Setting: Niqamui, Elysian Fields
Non Player Characters:
* Iain Honeytree
* Nulisag
* Somerset Sunset
* Susi
* Ember
* Oat
* Arndt Quennell
* Engracia Quennell
* Crystal Leblanc
* Ayaz Okazaki
* Doobie Calamario
* Xavier Tinman
* Keshet Byrne
* Titus Askr
* Grak Nightarm
* Spork Dayface
Plot Summary: The episode begins with Iain Honeytree arriving at the Guild Hall to announce the resident tax of 5 gold per year. Aaron, Beans, and Tobias all find this a relatively cheap price to pay in order to avoid being forcibly "moved out" of Niqamui. It appears that this tax is meant to pay for the walls, as well and training and pay for the guards that protect the city from monsters.
As a lawyer and notary, Beans helps Tobias read and understand his portion, and then quickly runs all of their forms and payments to City Hall. Soon afterward, Nulisag posted two job fliers: each regarding Monster Attacks in Elysian Fields for 100,000 gold. As they stroll towards their destination through paved roads, make their way to the edge of town and through a high, thick, enchanted wall, it's hard for our adventurers not to think about the benefits of living in a city that tries to take care of its people.
They arrive first at the Quennell Mansion. As Tobias approaches the mansion to knock, a woman (Keshet Byrne) stands up from the pool out front summoning a fireball and looking angry. She does not react well to the name of the guild. Another man joins her side, this one 6'8" and all muscle. As Tobias stutteringly falters to try and talk his way out of a fight, Aaron sings a song to win them over. They learn that Keshet, Titus, and two goblins (Grak and Spork) have been hired as guards. The guards begrudgingly agree to show the FBK members in to introduce them to "the gnomes".
Ardnt and Engracia Quennell have hired guards because of monsters in the woods outside their home. Beans soon hatches an idea to send Tobias in first making lots of noise to attract the monsters. They tie him to some rope and send him in as a one-man band making a cacophony of noise. It takes almost no time at all for wild rug-monsters to come swooping in for the attack!
As everyone joins in the fight, it soon becomes apparent that the other hired "bodyguards" do not have the same scruples as the Firebreathing Kittens. When Grak is strangle-wrapped up in a rug, the others continue to attack it without care. On at least two occasions, the guards end up speaking out loud about their plans to kill the gnomes who hired them. On the way back to the mansion after the monsters are defeated, the three guild members confer and decide to confront their clients in private about these would-be murderers.
In their discussion with the Quennells, the Firebreathing Kittens are able to convince them to fire the treacherous guards and to pay taxes into the Monstercaid for All program. They also receive payment for their services. Aaron discovers a unique legendary wishing coin, one of a set of nine that allow a person to make a powerful wish. He pockets it quietly.
Aaron, Beans, and Tobias drag the three rug corpses from the woods as proof that they have handled the monsters. This is 'just in case' this second job flier was about the same monsters. When they arrive at the house, they are greeted by three children selling cookies! (These are Susi, Ember, and Oat.) This mansion has some damage that makes it look like it has been attacked by a giant. The children agree to take the guild members inside.
Inside they meet Crystal, Ayaz, Doobie, and Xavier, who have all been hired by Somerset Sunset to protect against monsters. Ayaz has sealed the monster into a large plate. Somerset invites the guild members in for tea, after which a shatter and a roar is heard outside.
Somerset Sunset and her guards become pre-occupied with her protection, leaving the FBK to deal with the monster. The little girls have fled to the woods, while Beans has climbed up on the monster's back. While Aaron debuffs the worm and Tobias buffs Beans, they try to find cover for safety. This isn't enough: Soon the monster has eaten first Tobias, then Aaron, as the team struggles to pile up damage on the creature. In a great feat of ingenuity, Beans leaps into the worm's mouth, grabbing hold of his friends, and teleporting out into the shadows of the mansion rooftop wreckage.
Aaron gets a wild idea and heads back in, preparing Color Spray: and after voluntarily jumping back into the worm's mouth and with no way for the monster to dodge, it takes all the potential damage of the attack. The fight is won: but the three guild members witness Xavier wheeling away in his chair without having offered any aid. It seems his grudge against the FBK (or, specifically: Aaron) goes deep.
The group searches the mansion for Somerset's "safe room", and finds the hiding Sea Scouts first. Ember confesses to breaking the seal and releasing the monster, but the "wise" adult representatives of the FBK tell her she has nothing to worry about. 
Xavier is found escorting Somerset Sunset from the safe room, claiming to have bested the monster himself. He is called out on his lie, which he admits to. Then the remaining guards rush in, accusing Xavier of breaking the seal. Awkwardly, the guild members say nothing in his defense, and he is sent to jail. (Thankfully, Beans took the case, and was able to get him declared innocent. )
Memorable Quotes: 
"Did you say engraved or in-grape? Because I think either one would work, to be honest." 
- Beans
Category:Episodes