Edwin Odesseiron/Quotes

Edwin Odesseiron's quotes presents lines spoken by Edwin, together with the associated sound files.
True to the reputation of the Red Wizards of Thay, Edwin thinks of himself as a being of great power surrounded by clueless simians. His behavior rarely fits his self-professed status, as he is prone to cowardice, paranoia and occasional bouts of lecherousness. He enjoys asking insidious questions about the supposed high moral ground of the organization good-aligned members of the party belong to, an activity he calls "baiting hooks", as he is convinced benevolent companions are either fools or hypocrites.
Reckless deciphering of the Nether Scroll as part of his personal quest will turn Edwin into Edwina and trigger additional dialogue from most companions. 
==Dialogues==
===With Aerie===
:Aerie: Why do you talk to yourself, Edwin?
:Edwin: What? Oh, ah ha... why hello, Aerie. I, ah... don't do anything of the sort. (No, now is not the time to make arguments.) Why are you asking? 
:Aerie: I—I was just wondering when I get to meet him.
:Edwin: (There's no one to meet!) There's no one to meet! Get away from me! You'll make me crazy, you will, and I'll not have two pieces of it!
:Edwin: Aerie, I've noticed the unfortunate fact that you live by one of the great lessons of history that nothing is often a good thing to do and a clever thing to say.
:Aerie: What? Where did that emerge from, spellbinder? What have I done to you?
:Edwin: Ruffle your feathers? Just clipping your wings to ensure you remain obsequious to your vastly superiors, my little chickadee.
When Edwin has less than 25% HP remaining :
:Edwin: I—I feel so... tired. 'Tis like I see two or three of everything. (I'm seeing four, definitely four...)
:Aerie: Edwin! Hold your—hold your ground, and I shall try to heal you!
:Edwin: (No, get her away, she knows!) She knows! Augh, I bleed! Get away from me, girl, get away! *runs away from Aerie*
If Edwin has been turned into a woman as part of his quest, and stands less than 10 units away from Aerie :
:Edwin: Psst... Aerie!
:Aerie: Edwin! You scared me, imagine that... Oh, you wouldn't believe how silly you look... Now what—what do you want?
:Edwin: You are a wizard and a healer! Can you not peel this wretched skin? (She has driven me to it; I will debase myself if I must.) Please, Aerie, I am... on my knees!
:Aerie: Tee hee! No, you're not, you're standing just like the rest of us! ...And honestly, what is there to heal? Next time... you'll be more careful how you word your wishes, won't you?
:Edwin: Blasted Netherese sense of humor! No doubt this is why they all went extinct so long ago! Shut up! Shut up, I say!
Throne of Bhaal only :
:Aerie: Huh... I... I come to see why you are so arrogant, Edwin. Magical power can become... intoxicating. Even I can admit to feeling its rush when I am casting spells in combat.
:Edwin: Hmph! You know nothing of power, child. You possess the merest morsel of worth when compared to me.
:Aerie: Do you think so? Isn't that a foolish attitude? Even you must agree that the strength of your friends can only be a benefit.
:Edwin: I agree to nothing.
:Aerie: Your dismissals make no sense! Have I not become a peer? Have I not proven my worth?
:Edwin: Child, your insights into my character are misguided. My "arrogance" comes not from my skill, but from the knowledge that I am simply better than you.
:Aerie: You are just... oh!
:Edwin: Yes, and I always will be. Now, if you require the occasional pat on the head, I shall oblige, but you would do better to seek kinship with someone else.
===With Anomen===
:Edwin: Anomen, I've been intending to ask. This Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart of which you belong... why is it that you lead the converted like lambs to the slaughter? On ramparts across the Faerûn are heads on pikes of the radiant who've been eulogized to the myth and allure of your vaunted brotherhood. 
:Anomen: 'Tis very unwise to meddle with the cornerstone of civilized life in the Faerûn. The brotherhood has brought peace to tumult, so that good might prevail over darkness.
:Edwin: Tell it to the pilgrims at the temple, Anomen; it might inspire the idiots. The Heart has been responsible for some of the most heinous crimes against humanity. Their intolerance against those who are not of a "civilized" species is racism at its worst.
:Anomen: You'd best watch your tongue, spellfiddler, as your deliverance from this squalid plane may be at the point of a sword.
If Edwin has been turned into a woman as part of his quest :
:Anomen: Hey hey hey, Edwina! I shall be your champion at the next tournament that we come to if only you give me a piece of your robe, uh, that is, dress to adorn my shield.
:Edwin: (My condition draws fools like flies to honey). Silence, you idiot! You've a death wish that is larger than your swollen head.
:Anomen: Fair Edwina, I am truly bereft by your nonacceptance. It is tragic when a knight has no fair maiden to moon over. Heh he he...
Throne of Bhaal only :
:Anomen: Know that I watch you with unwavering eyes, Edwin. I have seen your looks askance, and I will have none of your treachery!
:Edwin: I care nothing for what you will have, fool, no matter how you gild your words. Be thankful for my scrutiny. Very few rivals outside the Red Wizards are worthy of it.
:Anomen: I am nothing like you and your ilk! Now cease your prattle and walk on!
:Edwin: Yes, nothing like us at all. And certainly not growing more so every day. Hmmm...
===With Cernd===
:Edwin: Tell me about your ecstatic religion, shaman. Why do you harvest mistletoe and bear witness to Mother Earth's bounty?
:Cernd: It began as a craving for connection, Edwin. The Earth and her cousins, the Sky and the Water, all spoke in tongues of ancient mystery and lore. 
:It was my calling to unravel the worlds within a single seed or read the chronicle of a season in the veins of a leaf. She called, and I answered.
If Edwin has been turned into a woman as part of his quest :
:Cernd: Are the flowers not beautiful this time of year? Perhaps a little late in the blooming, but still...
:Edwin: What?! What are you getting at?! I know you are talking about me, so speak it plain!
:Cernd: Perhaps your new form has made you more sensitive, though not in a way I call improvement. I meant nothing. It is my wont to talk of nature and her gifts.
:Edwin: Very well then. I will let your comment pass and...
:Cernd: I mean, if I say how the great cycle fells the mighty oak, yielding to the furrows and valleys of a more subtle landscape, is it my fault if you take offense?
:Edwin: I see, I see. I shall let the slight pass and...
:Cernd: And if I say that the great stag casts aside its wondrous mantle as the long winter approaches, should it be my concern if you draw any comparisons to your...
:Edwin: Yes, yes, yes, now will you please cease your prattle?!
:Cernd: Poor Edwin. When nature casts aside an appendage, she is confident it will return in the proper season. My heart weeps for your insecurities. Weep, weep.
:Edwin: (I wonder what his nature would say about the cleansing power of fire. I wonder.)
If Edwin has been turned into a woman as part of his quest :
:Edwin: Why do you stare so, Cernd? No doubt you are to laugh at my predicament, so get it over with!
:Cernd: Why does the king protest? His forests are pilfered, leaving just hills and scrub, but what loss is it? How can it be of value when it was never put to use?
:Edwin: (There is an insult in there somewhere, I am certain. Would that I could stop time and kill them ALL first.)
Throne of Bhaal only :
:Edwin: Eh... so, Cernd, as a champion of the natural elements of this world, you must also have knowledge of what is... unnatural?
:Cernd: To some extent, I must. To know the enemy is to better know how to defeat them.
:Edwin: Of course, of course. A man of your standing has seen much in his career: confronted many a beast, foiled many a plot... encountered many a tome.
:Cernd: Why, Edwin? Not content with the modern discord you sow? Do you seek tutelage from the evils of old?
:Edwin: My interest is purely sociable, certainly. Just banter betwixt friends. Casual interest.
:Eh...
:Have you kept records?
:Cernd: Ah, no. Enough, Edwin. You hide your intent no better than your basic nature. I have no secrets for you, or anyone like you. 
:Edwin: (Monkeys... unworthy little monkeys, all of them.)
===With Dorn===
If Dorn swore loyalty to a demon:
:Edwin: Tell me of your patron, half-orc.
:Dorn: (if Dorn swore loyalty to Ur-Gothoz) What business is he of yours?
:Dorn: (if Dorn swore loyalty to Azothet) What business is she of yours?
:Edwin: Power is my business. And your patron clearly does not lack for that. What is your arrangement with the demon?
:Dorn: (if Dorn swore loyalty to Ur-Gothoz) I do his bidding; he gives me power. That is all you need know.
:Dorn: (if Dorn swore loyalty to Azothet) I do her bidding, and in return she gives me all the power I require. You need know no more.
:Edwin: Yes, I understand that, but how is the power transmitted to you?
:You know what? Never mind. You probably don't even know the answer, you ignorant orangutan.
:Dorn: Keep talking, mage. I'll carve the answer on your corpse's flesh.
If Edwin has been turned into a woman as part of his quest :
:Edwin: What? What do you want, blackguard?! Must every accursed monkey here offer their opinion?!
:Dorn: Your new form is not without advantages, mage. You should make use of them.
:Edwin: Women are weak creatures, guided by emotions and lessened by their monthly bleed! There is nothing advantageous in this preposterous form!
:(if present in party:)
::Jaheira: I heard that, Edwin.
::Viconia: And yet, wizard, the sounds coming from your bedroll indicate you do not find fault with *all* that is a woman's privilege.
:Edwin: Bah! As soon as I am able, I will strip myself of this gods-forsaken body and returning to my normal self! And I will tolerate no further jokes at my expense!
:(if present in party):
:Neera: That's too bad. I've got a really good one.
Throne of Bhaal only, if Dorn swore loyalty to a demon:
:Edwin: You there! Blackguard. I have a word of advice.
:Dorn: Why would I listen to the word of a disgraced Red Wizard?
:Edwin: Disgraced? You ungrateful imbecile, I am trying to provide you with valuable aid!
:Dorn: Provide it quickly, then.
:Edwin: We Red Wizards have more experience with the denizens of the Hells than most. You have seen what can happen when a demon gets bored. Consider carefully to what you pledge allegiance—and what you surrender in exchange.
:Dorn: My patron affords me more power than you will ever wield, mage. It is well worth the cost.
:Edwin: (if Dorn swore loyalty to Ur-Gothoz) I hope when Ur-Gothoz finally wearies of your antics I am around to watch you burn.
:Edwin: (if Dorn swore loyalty to Azothet) I hope when your antics finally start to bore Azothet I am around to watch you burn.
:Dorn: If you are, I'll not burn alone.
Throne of Bhaal only, if Dorn didn't swear loyalty to a demon:
:Edwin: You made the correct decision ridding yourself of Ur-Gothoz's influence, Il-Khan. You do not want to be the object of a demon—or devil's—ire.
:Dorn: Did I ask your opinion, mage?
:Edwin: My opinion is worth more than all of these miscreants put together. None of them have labored in the chains of true slavery. Freedom is paramount.
:Dorn: But is it worth the cost?
:Edwin: For Edwin Odesseiron, freedom is worth ANY cost.
===With Haer'Dalis===
:Edwin: Bard, my considered and correct opinion of actors is this: You are irresponsible, irrational, and incapable of adult emotion without first reducing it to some banal personal, material, or sexual credo.
:I can only make it my faintest hope that this definition doesn't include you as well.
:Haer'Dalis: As an actor, it is mandatory to be able to express and convey emotion, not be emotional. As for your inastute observation, a critic is a legless man who teaches running to the fleet of foot.
:Edwin: At least I don't find it necessary to have others write my life for me or have its mundane plot plagiarized from common sources.
:Haer'Dalis: No, but you do seem to require my validation by spouting a random insult where none was deserved. Dwell on that while we fade.
:Haer'Dalis: My red-cloaked sparrowhawk, I could barely catch my sleep last night with all your arcane muttering.
:Edwin: (Ah, already we have the fool convinced that you are muttering!)
:Haer'Dalis: Aye, I could write a play and you would be my entire cast and extras...
If Edwin has been turned into a woman as part of his quest :
:Haer'Dalis: 
:"I once knew a Red Mage of Thay
:Who dreamed of lichdom some day.
:He said he knew how to do it,
:But he still managed to screw it
:Up in the funniest way."
:Edwin: (Thank the gods he is not a better poet. This is one tale we would rather not see immortalized in print!)
===With Hexxat===
If Hexxat is wearing the Cloak of Dragomir :
:Edwin: This cloak of yours interests me, my dear.
:Hexxat: This rag?
:Edwin: It's far more than that. May I see it?
:Hexxat: You're seeing it now.
:Edwin: I meant may I examine it closely?
:Viconia: (if in party) Oh, this should be good.
:Hexxat: I'd rather you didn't.
:Edwin: Hah! You're a smart monkey. I'd not let anyone fondle my possessions either. It's a shame, though... I would like to check that cloak out.
Throne of Bhaal only, if Hexxat is wearing the Cloak of Dragomir :
:Hexxat: No.
:Edwin: But—
:Hexxat: Hands off.
:Edwin: By the gods, vampire, you—
:Hexxat: I said no!
:Edwin: Five minutes! That is all I ask! Five minutes!
:Hexxat: Not five minutes, not one minute, not one godsdamned second. The answer is no.
:Edwin: (Cursed undead banshee, can she not see what advancements I could make with that cloak?! Bah!)
:(Maybe I could just take a sample... a corner, perhaps? Hmmm...)
===With Imoen===
Throne of Bhaal only :
:Imoen: You look a little down, Edwin. You're not upset, are you?
:Edwin: My mood is no concern of yours, child.
:Imoen: You've become less blustery, I think. Maybe... maybe you're mad everyone else is finding destinies and prophecies and generally surpassing you in every way?
:Edwin: You go too far, girl! I hold none of you above me!
:Imoen: I mean, even me, little frail Imoen, is a big scary child of Bhaal now! That's got to be frustrating.
:Edwin: Now that is just nonsense! All of it!
:Imoen: Hey Edwin! BOO!
:Edwin: WHA—?! What... is it... NOW?!
:Imoen: He flinched! The big bad mage flinched! HAHA! Oooh, look, I'm Bhaal. I'm big and scary, ooohh.
:Edwin: Now that was just... you are just being...
:Imoen: Oooooh, don't worry, the big bad Imoen won't scare you no more. Heeheehee... "Boo," I says, and he jumped out of his skin... *snicker*
:Edwin: *grumble* ...whelp... child... monkey-brained... how would you like your flaming death, you... grrrr...
===With Jaheira===
:Edwin: Tell me, Jaheira, how does it feel to have significant ties to a ruthless secret society whose stranglehold over its members' conduct borders on indentured slavery?
:Jaheira: Edwin, an oak staff can cave a skull from only inches away. And none would mourn your passing. 
:Edwin: Overflowing with agendas and cloaked in conspiracy. The Harper corridors clot with the blood of those who dared raise opposition to their oppressive regime.
:But I will speak no more, out of respect for your... what was it again? Ah yes, your little stick. 
When in a forest :
:Jaheira: Stand away from me, Edwin! It would be unfortunate if you were to disappear under a rock somewhere. Though that might be more akin to your natural state.
:Edwin: Aye, you can mock me whilst we are in the very heart of your domain, druid, but do not push me very far. Even here, I am more than capable of ending your life.
:Jaheira: Perhaps, though I doubt you would find the trip back to the cities a peaceful one. 
:Edwin: Without your nagging, it would be as the sleep of ages.
If Edwin has been turned into a woman as part of his quest :
:Jaheira: What is the matter, Edwin? You look as though you chafe within your very skin. Oh, wait. That is because you ARE chafing within your very skin. Hm! How thoughtless of me to remind you.
:Edwin: I will not suffer your taunts, woman! You know well I despise this form!
:Jaheira: That I do, pretty, pretty Edwin. That I do.
If Edwin has been turned into a woman as part of his quest :
:Jaheira: There is harmony in nature, and all things are balanced in the end. Perhaps, Edwin, you are now as you should be.
:Edwin: And you would suggest this based upon what?! As a CONSTANTLY pontificating servant of nature, you must know my transformation was unnatural!
:Jaheira: Perhaps, though you never did strike me as particularly manly. Perhaps nature has just been slow in this regard. 
:Edwin: I see. So, by your logic, you shall be suddenly changing into a large male wildebeest any day now? Or have I misunderstood?
:Save your amateurish insults for one who will be offended. Your opinion means nothing to me.
===With Jan Jansen===
:Edwin: Jan, your stories are rife with discrepancies, half-truths, and bafflegab. A woeful weaver of yarns you are for one so self-professed with the talents to do so.
:Jan: Is there an epic begging for verse rattling about in your head, Edwin?
:Edwin: Nothing that could compete heartily with your cock-eyed narrative gems.
:Jan: Well, mageling, how goes the battle against all that is right and good in the world?
:Edwin: (It would surely go better without annoying gnomes asking questions) Question not my designs, else you too will become an unwilling part of them.
:Jan: I sometimes believe that it is my destiny to become a part of some incompetent mage's fizzled schemes. Golodon the Unmanned being a case in point. You too, I suppose.
:Edwin: I am to be continually plagued by fools? Conversation with you does not rate highly on my list of things to accomplish. Run along now. (Yes, that will do.)
:Jan: Truth be told, I feel a bit sorry for you. It must be frustrating to see your entire life's goals amount to absolutely nothing. 
:Edwin: What do you know of my goals, gnome?
:Jan: By the gods, Edwin, you mumble about them often enough. Oh! Looks like I've hit a vein. Sorry about that.
:Edwin: One day you will bow before me, gnome. That shall be a time of reckoning.
:Jan: If you say so. Let me know when it's time to bow. I might not notice it.
Throne of Bhaal only :
:Edwin: Out with it, gnome! I see that you are fabricating another of your fanciful lies as you look at me!
:Jan: Oh, don't get all huffy. It's just that at this angle you look a lot like my Uncle Ager of the Tomes.
:Edwin: Ah, and I suppose he had a comical disfigurement, or his mind fell a few coppers short of a silver, or that his tremendous odor kept the stars afloat, or some other thinly disguised failing told ONLY to demean me in the eyes of others!
:Jan: Eh, no, he was a mage. Tell me, Edwin, are you having trouble at home?
:Edwin: *sigh* Go away, gnome. Go away.
===With Keldorn===
:Edwin: So, Keldorn, as a disciple of a crooked deity, do you find solace in the same secret histories, books of lies, and subversions that the rest of the miserable sheep in your horde do?
:Keldorn: Wizard, you've only a brief respite before I put your head in a bag and your body in the ground!
:Edwin: Let cooler heads prevail, Keldorn. I was only baiting hooks.
:Keldorn: Judgment will be swift and pure upon thee, Edwin. Your manner says that the cruel are weak, and that kindness is to be expected only from the strong and just.
:Edwin: Whatever lets you sleep, paladin. (I'll dine on your eyes, cloistered coward... soon.)
If Keldorn stands less than 3 units away from Edwin :
:Edwin: Back away, you obsequious fool!
:Keldorn: What is the concern, wizard? I have done nothing to aggravate you.
:Edwin: I shall not wait for you to stab me with your righteous daggers, knight! I have no wish to suffer your poisons! (Insolent and dirty, insolent and dirty.)
:Keldorn: Whatever poison there be here is in your head, Edwin! By the gods, I should club you to put you out of your misery!
:Edwin: I'll show ye some misery, knight! *attacks Keldorn*
===With Korgan===
:Edwin: So tell me, Korgan, what think you of conflict and adversity? It seems this party is long on squawk and short on character.
:Korgan: The harder the conflict, the more glorious be yer triumph, I reckon, spellchucker. What ye obtain too cheaply, ye esteem too lightly.
:Edwin: How true, how true. As a gallant warrior-born, I correctly assumed you to be a student of warfare as well as a master of battle.
:Korgan: Aye. The best battler is he who can smile in troubles deep, gather his strength from distress, and grow brave in reflection.
:Edwin: Dwarf, you speak the truth. A warrior without peer, like you, must be an offense to nature. The strongest in the most peril... strange how Fate weaves her tapestry.
:Korgan: Survival of the fittest be the term, and that be the puzzle of the Life. The Life of adventurers. Now shut yer yap.
:Korgan: Ye know, Bag o' Tricks, ye and I are nae so different. Ye fetch awe with eye of newt and tongue of salamander, I with battleaxe and bloodlust. 
:Edwin: A rather bold conjecture, don't you think, Korgan?
:Korgan: Nay, not so bold. The rest of these backpedalers 'aven't a clue. Ye and I, we know the longlimb's capacity fer the horrible and severe, eh friend? We know.
:Edwin: You're an odd little fellow, Korgan. I'm not quite sure what to make of you and your chagrins.
Throne of Bhaal only : 
:Korgan: It's been a grand fight, eh, mage? Can you better cap a life than with blood betwixt the toes and the flames o' Hell itself? Ha ha!
:Edwin: Would someone get this bile-soaked freak away from me? 
:Korgan: What? No stomach for the cleavings of me axe?
:Edwin: I do not fault the need for frontline offense, but I fail to see why you find it necessary to sink a blade to your elbows.
:Korgan: Bah! Mages! Ye'll blast away from your mother's window but catch yer scatter-willys at the thought of blood. It's called follow-through! Feh!
===With Mazzy===
:Edwin: Mazzy, your beauty and exuberance are a sheer delightful waste. I enjoy you in your own right. For someone so short, you are quite a delightfully comely lass.
:Mazzy: Damning me with faint praise, Edwin? I'm flattered that the man who taught Elminster magic and Drizzt how to fight would stoop so low as to notice little old me.
:Edwin: I do stoop to conquer, and lay down to indulge. My bedroll always has extra room, Mazzy. Too much of a decadent thing is wonderful.
:Mazzy: And so it shall always be vacant, wizard. When science finally locates the center of the planes, I'm sure you'll be taken aback to find that you're not it.
:Mazzy: Listen carefully, mage. I have noticed you launch your spells in battle without first making sure one of us is not in the way. If you hurt anyone, I will kill you. Is that clear enough?
:Edwin: (No doubt my kneecaps are in some danger.) Halfling, here you stand still living thanks to the use of my magic. Question me not.
:Mazzy: I shall never need that kind of assistance in a battle. You threaten us much as our enemies with your carelessness. Your recklessness will not be tolerated.
:You have been warned, Edwin. Do not think to test my resolve; I will act for the best of the group.
:Edwin: Quite a mouthful for one of a servant race. I understand your warning and will take it for what it's worth. Begone!
===With Minsc===
:Edwin: The price of flesh is obsession, Minsc. I've been obsessed, smitten, bewitched, and taken by many things, but the only rodent in my pants doesn't squeak when I touch it.
:Minsc: Your words are strange, wizard. Stranger still are the thoughts behind them. Er, stand back a step if you don't mind. Boo has expressed a dislike for your company, and I cannot say I am surprised...
:Edwin: The rodent speaks to you? Verily, I've a rat in my trousers that speaks a peculiar dialect as well, usually involving transactions of coin and copious volumes of wine. You are truly a gift of the ages, Minsc.
:Minsc: Your words baffle, though I am certain some insult has taken place. Keep your distance from this one, Boo. He is definitely unstable.
:Edwin: Is the hamster speaking to you now, Minsc? Are his thoughts entertaining?
:Minsc: I am quite used to people mocking Boo. It no longer bothers either one of us. Laugh if you will, but Minsc hears what you cannot. 
:Edwin: And you wield a formidable blade indeed, warrior. Tell me, Minsc, what is the opposite of a lesson?
:Minsc: Opposite of... lesson... less on... more on! The opposite of less on is more on! More on? Do you dare to insult me once again?!
:Edwin: 'Tis your self-fulfilling prophecy, Minsc. I don't talk to hamsters, although my mouse does have a disposition of fair renown in certain select locales.
:Edwin: Minsc, what breed of rat is Boo, hm? A seafaring wharf rat? The fruit-eating country vole? Perhaps the sewer-dwelling city weasel?
:Minsc: The Red Wizard risks great harm. Boo is sensitive, and may not just go for the eyes!
:Edwin: You threaten with your vaunted combat prowess? The same esteemed skill that failed miserably to protect Dynaheir from harm's clutches? 
:Minsc: You pick at old wounds, wizard! Continue to press and I shall make you some fresh ones! 
:Edwin: She was a timeworn and weather-beaten barwhore, Minsc. The lowest class of spent working-girl rubbish.
:Minsc: You are one step away from wearing your lips as a collar, wizard! Withdraw your foolish words!
:Edwin: Not likely, cretin. I only observe, not change, the nature of people or their beasts.
:Minsc: Then you shall pay the price for your "observations"! Those that speak ill of the dead shall join them! May you spend eternity with Dynaheir's foot in your loins! *attacks Edwin*
If Edwin has been turned into a woman as part of his quest :
:Minsc: Boo does not understand. It is not as though the scoundrel will be missed, but... where has Edwin gone, and who is this woman that wears his clothes?
:Edwin: I will not be scrutinized for the sake of your rodent! Mind your own concerns, you stone-headed oaf!
:Minsc: Such a temperament! Fire in her belly and not afraid to spit in an eye! It reminds me of the fighting women of my homeland! Ah, sweet lady, you bring me tears.
:Edwin: Tears indeed! Stand away lest I bring you a fireball as well! (Such suffering I must endure! The pain behind my eyes does grow steadily!)
===With Nalia===
:Edwin: Nalia, you are aware that adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which otherwise would have lain dormant? What are yours, pampered one? Those talents lay abundantly inconspicuous...
:Nalia: Edwin, I was not pampered, cajoled, or spoiled! True, I wanted for little, but yearned for more than wandering about estates. Is it not true that you're of noble birthright yourself? Calling the kettle red, wizard?
:But that sort of comment coming from you is not any surprise, he who would rather live on his knees than die on his feet.
:Edwin: Ha ha ha... I see the soft spitfire does have a streak of wild child running through her. Keep living in your sanctified ignorance, Nalia. It is part of your charm.
:Nalia: Nothing in this world is more dangerous to me, Edwin, than your stupidity.
If Edwin has been turned into a woman as part of his quest :
:Nalia: An interesting little situation you've found yourself in, Edwin. I trust you'll use it to better learn how others think and feel?
:Edwin: No, my dear little wench, I will spend no more time in this body than I must. You think me a fool?
:Nalia: But you could do so much more. How can you throw away this opportunity to really walk a mile in another's shoes? I would love such an...
:Edwin: Would you now? I would wish it on you if I could, but you do not mean what you say. You could do as such now, but you do not.
:Shed your wealth and harvest the fields. You no more walk in the shoes of those you pity than I would, and I pity everyone. The only shoes I wish are mine own!
:Nalia: But I just thought...
:Edwin: You thought I would desire to know the thoughts of others, but you were wrong. I have no such desire. Whatever the rest of you think is irrelevant. 
:My own thoughts, my own shoes, my own BODY! These are all that matter! 
If Edwin has been turned into a woman as part of his quest :
:Nalia: Edwin, you should learn to walk a little more dignified... carry yourself in a better manner.
:Edwin: And exactly WHAT is wrong with my "manner"?
:Nalia: You... well, the way you walk about, some might think you were... of little moral fiber. You should present a more wholesome image if you are to remain like this.
:Edwin: I will not remain like this! I will not "present a more wholesome image," nor will I acknowledge this form in any way! I will not be this way for long!
:Nalia: Very well then, but if we get too close to the docks, you might find the less upstanding members of society getting more... familiar than you would like.
:As well, I would suggest you treat the party with civility lest someone arrange for such an occurrence to happen. Perhaps nearer the zoo.
:Edwin: (When the time comes, I must kill her first. Slowly, but first.)
===With Neera===
(this dialogue is in the game's code, but since Edwin and Neera cannot be in the same party it will never play)
Throne of Bhaal only :
:Neera: You should watch yourself, Edwin. <CHARNAME> wants us to work together, so I won't deliberately kill you. But it'd be an awful shame if I accidentally surged and you got turned into a sandwich.
:Edwin: Your bluster might be amusing were it not so pathetic.
:Neera: Don't try me, Red Wizard. I've had more than enough of your kind in my life.
:Edwin: You say I should not try your patience? Do not try MINE, freak. I could end your miserable existence in the blink of an eye.
:Neera: Blink. Blink blink. Blinky blink blink blink.
:Still here. You're all talk, Edwin.
:Edwin: You're still here because <CHARNAME> wishes it. Pray that does not change.
===With Rasaad===
:Rasaad: Tell me, friend Edwin—why do you always keep your hood up?
:Edwin: You impertinent chimpanzee! What makes you think I would ever be bothered to explain myself to you?
:Rasaad: I was merely curious.
:(if present in party:)
::Hexxat: It is curious, wizard. You keep your hood up more than I do, and with less cause.
::Edwin: "Less cause"—as though you know why I prefer to go hood up.
:Rasaad: Is it just a fashion choice, or are there other reasons you keep it?
:Hexxat: (if in party) It's no fashion choice—at least no modern fashion. Most every Thayan I've met has been too happy to display his shaven head.
:Rasaad: Most Thayans do shave their heads, don't they?
:Edwin: I'll not discuss this with you.
:Rasaad: I am sorry if I've upset you...
:Edwin: Upset me? Hah! I'd be more upset to find I crushed a gnat beneath my heel!
:Edwin: Your head is very smooth, monk. Tell me, are you naturally bald?
:Rasaad: No. I shave it each day.
:Edwin: You shave it yourself, do you? Tell me, how do you do that?
:Rasaad: Surely you know how to shave.
:Edwin: Of course I know how to shave my own head, you impudent baboon!
:Uh, I merely seek to add to my considerable knowledge on the subject. So tell me—how do you shave your head?
:Rasaad: Having the correct tools helps. Come, I'll show you what I use.
Throne of Bhaal only :
:Edwin: Monk! Your tattoos. Are enchantments inked into their design?
:Rasaad: They hold great meaning to me, but no magic.
:Edwin: I have been working on a theory, a method of inscribing magic into one's skin. A permanent enhancement. I require a test subject. It will not hurt. (Much, anyway.)
:Rasaad: Have you tested this on anybody before?
:Edwin: If I had, I wouldn't need a test subject, would I? Hold still...
:Rasaad: Forgive me, Edwin, but I believe I'll pass. Best of luck with your theory, though. It sounds very interesting.
:Edwin: Blast!
:(Well, perhaps it's for the best. He might not have like the quickened aging. Or the variegated skin color...)
===With Sarevok===
:Sarevok: What is it, mage? You spare no opportunity to examine me, and I would know why.
:Edwin: I do not like walking with the enemy. I can barely stand keeping my allies so close, and yet here I am consorting with you!
:Sarevok: Ah, so you are the great loner, ready to assault the world on your own. Foolish.
:Edwin: Is it? You were no more content as a lowly member of the team than I.
:Sarevok: I rose to power by choosing whom I followed carefully and surrounding myself with beings of power. My tactic has not changed and will be fruitful in the end.
:Edwin: Well, I suppose I should be grateful to be included. I look forward to being a part of your next defeat.
:Sarevok: You remind me of a younger me, mage, before I was slaughtered and sent to the pits of Hell. Think on that before you burn your bridges.
===With Valygar===
:Edwin: Valygar, you are aware that silence is the virtue of fools?
:Valygar: Aim your words elsewhere, mage; I don't know why you've targeted me, but I won't take your bait today.
:Edwin: As blushing may sometimes make a harlot seem a virtuous woman, so might refusal to speak make an idiot seem a man of sense.
:Valygar: It is as I have always thought; I can neither appreciate nor understand the mind of a mage, especially one so fond of his own voice.
:Edwin: Your ignorance seems voluntary, woodwalker. Conversation is not only the vehicle of thought, it is a tremendous and efficient instrument in thinking.
:Valygar: Then what's your excuse for that steady stream of mindless pollution you call talking, Edwin? 
:Edwin: I do not understand you, ranger. You have the blood of a necromancer coursing through you and the ability to take the planar sphere for yourself! Why you did not do so eludes me.
:Valygar: Of course it eludes you, wizard. I've no interest in power... and even less interest in magic.
:Edwin: I've been told the gods love a fool. They must think often and fondly of you then, ranger.
After Lavok's death :
:Valygar: You remind me more and more as each day passes of what makes magic vile and evil, wizard. 
:Edwin: You would do well to be reminded of what makes magic powerful, fool. I've power enough to hold your life in my hands if I choose.
:Valygar: Your words do not frighten me, Edwin. I could slice you to ribbons before the first incantation of your threat was carried out.
:Edwin: Indeed? Your lack of fear for the arcane arts must explain, then, why you cowered before Lavok and the Cowled Wizards. Your actions belie your bravado.
:Valygar: I cower before nothing! I merely showed caution before approaching Lavok... someone possessing far more power than you!
:Edwin: You call that caution? Quivering in a forest? Lavok could have dealt with you in a second if he chose. And it would only take me a second longer.
:Valygar: We shall see!
Throne of Bhaal only :
:Valygar: What's that in your gaze, Edwin? You have something to say?
:Edwin: It is nothing. I was just musing on the role of heritage in determining vocation.
:Valygar: I see. It is your assumption that since my family tree has had many mages, I should have been one as well. Well, I defy that logic each and every day.
:Edwin: And you certainly make a fine whatever-you-are, but it is a shame. Even your casual movements suggest some training as a child...
:Valygar: I am no mage! You... you are mistaken in your observations.
:Edwin: Yes. Yes, of course I am.
===With Viconia===
:Edwin: I've been spying you from afar, Viconia, and your frankness, bearing, and grace have beguiled me quite profoundly.
:Viconia: I'm certain there is a condition to your appraisal, Edwin. A Thayvian only has one person in their world: themselves.
:Edwin: Hush, dear, nonsense. The reputation of my kindred is from untrustworthy sources. Like the dark elves, a victim of cruel machinations and falsehoods.
:Viconia: Perhaps, wizard. Perhaps. Unlike yourself, however, I am an outcast from my people. 
:Edwin: Your brethren's loss is our gain... and a beautiful gain at that.
:Viconia: Flattery will serve you no purpose, male. I will tell *you* when you may speak to me thus. 
:Viconia: Dark alleyways whisper rumors of the prowess of the Thayvian men, Edwin. Would this kind of vulgar tongue-wagging be claptrap or truth?
:Edwin: This Thayvian male is as red-blooded as his cloak, Viconia. And has left many a concubine gasping under his erotic onslaught.
Throne of Bhaal only :
:Edwin: I believe, Viconia, that I have gained a greater respect for your, ah... intensity through the course of our journeys.
:Viconia: And I, Edwin, have grown no more appreciative of the sound of your voice since the day I first encountered its nasal whine.
:Edwin: Eh...
:Viconia: Walk away, Edwin, I am in no mood for you.
===With Yoshimo===
:Edwin: Yoshimo, every man has his follies and mistakes. In your case, those are the most interesting and trustworthy attributes you possess. (You are shiftier than me, and I don't trust myself.)
:Yoshimo: Edwin, you've a manner that makes each of us feel beautiful and appreciated.
:Edwin: Somewhere in you, something terrible gathers and grows. (Can I spot kindred, or can I spot kindred?)
:Yoshimo: That's only love, warmth, and candor for you and your red-robed ilk, Edwin.
:Edwin: As you make your pilgrimage, Yoshimo, there will be ruin and cruel intention. Of this I am certain.
:Yoshimo: Well, all pilgrimages must start somewhere, no? I look forward to the ruin... will be a delightful change from your company, Red Wizard.
If Edwin has been turned into a woman as part of his quest :
:Yoshimo: Tell me, Edwina, would you like me to let out the seams on your robe? I am quite handy with a needle. You do, after all, have more, ah... bulk... in the upper chest area.
:Edwin: Silence, you fool! Chauvinist pig! (What am I saying?) I mean to say, "Idiot!"
:Yoshimo: It was only an offer, m'lady. There is no cause for anger.
==Siege of Dragonspear==
===With Corwin===
:Edwin: I do not understand, <CHARNAME>. The camp is safe. Why do we not stay within it?
:Corwin: You've spoken of nothing but paying Caelar back since we left Coast Way Crossing.
:Edwin: The shining harlot owes me a debt, it is true — but I plan to collect with two score Flaming Fist mercenaries at my side, not a handful of chimps.
:Corwin: The Fist has better things to do than watch a Thayan braggart's back. You don't like the chimps, feel free to leave.
:Edwin: Don't think I'm not tempted, you loathsome scapegrace! (Control, Odesseiron, control. The wench may yet prove useful...)
:Corwin: I can hear you, you know. We all can.
::(if present in party:)
::M'Khinn: She's right. Think you're talking to yourself. You're talking to everyone.
:Edwin: Shut your mouth! I'll not hear this baseless slander. (Calm yourself, Edwin. Ignore the monkeys; do not let them drag you down to their level.)
:Corwin: Yes, by all means, ignore us.
::M'Khinn: Most do.
===With Minsc===
:Edwin: Such muscles you have! Why if you were to have brains where your muscles were, imagine the wizard you could be!
:Minsc: A muscle-bound wizard with brains where his muscles should be? That does not sound much like Minsc.
:Edwin: Well, of course it's not. I'm saying if, you cretin, IF. A hypothesis, a conjecture. Do you not understand? (Get a hold of yourself; you're used to this by now!)
:Minsc: No, I do not think Minsc would enjoy that. He would cast a spell to return his muscles to their proper place. Boo is all the brains Minsc needs.
:Edwin: Muttonhead.
===With Rasaad===
:Rasaad: Master Odesseiron, I understand you hail from the country of Thay?
:Edwin: Who told you that?! Have you been spying on me? A SPY, are you?
:Rasaad: No, not at all. You wear the colors of a Red Wizard and have referenced your home country several times.
:Edwin: So YOU say... I'm on to you, monkey-monk. I'm watching you. Never forget that.
:Rasaad: I shall endeavor to keep this in mind.
===With Safana===
:Safana: How old ARE you, Thayan? You act like a child. Stop leering at me and look elsewhere.
:Edwin: You flatter yourself, wench. I care naught for your tawdry charms. I was studying your cranium.
:Safana: Sure you were.
:Edwin: Your head is plump and relatively well shaped compared to these cretins. Your brain might be adequate for wizardly pursuits.
:Safana: A compliment for my mind? That's a new one.
:Edwin: Do not let it go to your plump head. Besting monkeys does not make one a man.
:Safana: And I thank the gods for that.
===With Viconia===
:Edwin: (Steady, Edwin. Approach casually, make pleasant conversation.) So, Viconia... You are a feebleminded god-slave, and not a wielder of great arcane power?
:Viconia: Hold your tongue, wael, or I will tear it from your mouth. Shar grants me powers beyond your imagining. They are nothing to scoff at.
:Edwin: You misunderstand! I meant only that I am surprised you beg for scraps of power from Shar's table. I had heard the drow are extraordinary wizards.
:Viconia: The males at Sorcere are, dobluth. I am not. Speak no more of this, lest you learn what power I have firsthand.
:Edwin: There's no need for threats. (You try to compliment some people and what do you get?)
===With Baeloth===
:Edwin: Shut that fetid pit of molding cliches you call a mouth before I shut it for you!
:Baeloth: What? My conversational comprehension is quite beyond compare.
:Edwin: WHAT?! Is there no end to the effluvia that spills from your gaping maw? Oh yes, yes, there is an end that will be written by Odesseiron!
:Baeloth: So you say.
:Edwin: So YOU say. Learn deference before speaking to me again.
===With M'Khinn===
:Edwin: This is outrageous! How is it I have fallen so far that I travel with a, a-a goblin! To ask such a thing is an insult, one I will not forget and never forgive.
:M'Khinn: You're fat.
:Edwin: You insolent monkey! How dare you speak to me thus? I should flay the flesh from your bones and make the air heavy with your screams!
:M'Khinn: Try it. See what happens.
:Edwin: You see the disrespect it shows me? Again I ask, how has it come to this?
:M'Khinn: Don't know. Don't care. Keep whining if you want. I'm done with you.
===With Jaheira===
:Edwin: You are not unattractive, Jaheira. Opinionated and overly loud, but even so. Tell me, why do you waste your time with that st-st-stuttering ape Khalid?
:Jaheira: He makes better company than small-minded, cruel little reptiles who would mock a person for their speech.
:Edwin: Cruel I may be - I live in a cruel world, which is to say the real world. But small-minded? I take exception to that, dear lady.
:Jaheira: Take what you will. I care as much for your feelings as you do for Khalid's.
:Edwin: Then you are a greater fool than that oaf you call a husband. I am done with you
:Jaheira: I am glad to hear it.
===With Dorn===
:Edwin: Attend me, half-orc. We are men of considerable power. For now, we each have reason to ally ourselves with inferiors for good reason.
:Dorn: You suggest we join forces in the event the Bhaalspawn falls or these others turn on us?
:Edwin: Powerful friends are a good thing to have.
:Dorn: I have allies, not friends. A strong ally is valuable indeed. You are powerful, Thayan. But you are not strong. I'll not chain my fortunes to a pampered, simpering child, no matter how many fireballs he juggles.
:Edwin: You impudent wretch! How DARE you..er, what I mean is, you should not pass up this opportunity. I urge you, reconsider your position.
:Dorn: Or what? You'll mutter at me? I want nothing to do with you, wizard. And you would do well to expect nothing from me.
===With Neera===
:Neera: So, Edwin. Eed-win. Eddie. Ed. Can I call you Ed?
:Edwin: Why are you speaking to me, and how do I make you stop?
:Neera: Well, you're a Red Wizard, right? I've had some... issues... with them. I was wondering if you could maybe help me out?
:Edwin: I could... but I won't. I don't like you, half-elf. I spent years mastering my craft. And you... YOU... You just reach out and TAKE the power I sweated and sacrificed to gain. I am sure your simian mind cannot begin to imagine how much this chafes.
:Neera: So you won't help me because you're jealous?
:Edwin: Jealous? JEALOUS? You know as little of me as you do magic. Go, leave me be. Your nattering makes my head ache.
===With Voghiln===
:Edwin: Skald! If you dare include Edwin Odesseiron in one of your tales you will learn what SCALD means in Thay, courtesy of a burning fan of flame!
:Voghiln: Eh. It is your loss.
:Edwin: GOOD. I am far too important a personage to be sung about in taverns and bawdy houses by capering imbeciles! But if you do put me in, it's Edwin Odesseiron. ODESSEIRON. One D, two S's.
::(if present in party:)
::Minsc: And Boo says to remember he is a miniature giant space hamster, not a giant miniature space hamster! And his name has two O's.
Category:Companion quotes