Transcripts/The Times They Are A Changeling

:[train puffing]
:Twilight Sparkle: I hope Shining Armor and Princess Cadance don't think it's too soon for me to come back to the Crystal Empire for a visit. But I just know Flurry Heart's grown so much already. I wonder if I'll even recognize her.
:Starlight Glimmer: She's the only baby they have, Twilight. I think it'll be pretty easy to figure out who she is.
:Twilight Sparkle: [annoyed grunt]
:Starlight Glimmer: Sorry. I know you want to visit your niece as much as possible, and I'm excited to see Sunburst again. I just don't wanna fall behind on my friendship lessons back home.
:Twilight Sparkle: Starlight, your work in Ponyville isn't going anywhere. Besides, I think we all know you can learn about friendship anywhere. Right, Spike?
:Spike: [deep voice] "Spike?" Who's "Spike"?
:Starlight Glimmer: Pfft. Uh, you're Spike, Spike. And why are you dressed like that?
:Spike: [groans] [normal voice] Guys, you're blowing my cover! How'd you even know it was me?
:Starlight Glimmer: Because you're you... in a coat, hat and glasses. Also, we're the only ones here.
:Spike: Right.
:Twilight Sparkle: Spike, why do you need a disguise?
:Spike: Last time we came to the Crystal Empire, there was a lot goin' on with the new baby and the Crystalling, but I still got mobbed in the street.
:Starlight Glimmer: I wouldn't say mobbed.
:Spike: And this is just a family visit. I wouldn't want the presence of Spike the Brave and Glorious to turn it into some kind of circus.
:Starlight Glimmer: We get it. The Crystal Ponies adore you.
:Twilight Sparkle: He did save the Empire. Twice. But still, I don't think your presence will turn our visit into a circus.
:Spike: Not if I find the right disguise, it won't.
:
:Starlight Glimmer: Uh, disguise or not, Spike, I don't think you need to worry about being mobbed. Nopony's here.
:[wind whistling]
:[tumbleweed drifting]
:[bird cries]
:Spike: It's like a ghost town.
:Twilight Sparkle: I've got a bad feeling about this.
:Starlight Glimmer: Yeah, this is weird.
:Spike: I guess I don't need the disguise after all.
:[Crystal Ponies cheering]
:Honeysparkle: It's Spike the Brave and Glorious!
:Sapphire Joy: He's come to save us yet again!
:Crystal Ponies: Spike! Spike! Spike! Spike!
:Spike: Save you from what?
:Starlight Glimmer: Yeah, what's going on?
:Twilight Sparkle: Why was everypony hiding?
:"Amber Laurel": Oh, it sure looks like Princess Twilight and her pupil.
:"Scarlet Heart": But how can we be sure?
:"Golden Väs": We can't! Either one of them could be the... you know!
:[zip!]
:"Amber Laurel": [gasps] What if this... [gasps] isn't... [gasps] the real Spike?!
:"Scarlet Heart": Everypony, run!
:[zip!]
:Twilight Sparkle: Okay. Something strange is definitely going on.
:Spike: [groans] Ya think?
:Royal guard 1: Who goes there?
:Starlight Glimmer: Um, you don't recognize the Princess of Friendship?
:Royal guard 1: Of course we recognize her.
:Royal guard 2: But that doesn't mean it's really her.
:Spike: It's okay, guys. They're with me. And any friend of Spike the Brave and Glorious is a friend of the Crystal Empire, am I right?
:Royal guard 2: Huh. It does look like him.
:Royal guard 1: Well, it would, wouldn't it? I'm sorry, but we'll need to see some proof of identification.
:Princess Cadance: We'll take care of things from here.
:Twilight Sparkle: Oh, Cadance, thank goodness! What's going on?
:Shining Armor: We can explain, Twily... if it really is you.
:Princess Cadance: Sunshine, sunshine...
:Princess Cadance and Twilight Sparkle: ...ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake! Mmm!
:Shining Armor: It's okay, everypony. It's her.
:Starlight Glimmer: Of course it's her! What's all this about?
:Sunburst: A changeling's been spotted nearby.
:Twilight Sparkle: A changeling?!
:Spike: That's not good.
:Princess Cadance: No, it's not. After Queen Chrysalis took my place at our wedding and invaded Canterlot with her army of minions, we're not taking any chances.
:Sunburst: Changelings feed off of love. And ever since Flurry Heart's Crystalling, the Empire is filled with more love than anywhere in Equestria. It's possible they've come for the baby.
:Shining Armor: That's why we posted the extra guards, and why we're—
:Twilight Sparkle: Checking everypony's identity.
:Princess Cadance: I'm sorry for all of this. Flurry Heart's really been looking forward to seeing you.
:Flurry Heart: [coos]
:Twilight Sparkle: Oh, she's gotten so big! Starlight and I will do whatever we can to help protect her.
:Princess Cadance: To be honest, having you here is already a big relief.
:Royal guard 2: [whispers indistinctly]
:Shining Armor: Hmm. The royal guards were wondering if Spike the Brave and Glorious would like to join in the search for the changeling.
:Spike: Really?
:Twilight Sparkle: Uh, I don't know if that's such a good idea, Spike. It sounds dangerous.
:Spike: Come on, Twilight, this is Spike the Brave and Glorious you're talking to. Have you ever known me to run from danger?
:Twilight Sparkle: Um...
:Shining Armor: He'll be safe with our guards.
:Spike: Or will your guards be safe with me?
:Twilight Sparkle: [sighs]
:Royal guard 1: Spike the Brave and Glorious, you've faced the evil changelings before. What can you tell us?
:Spike: Oh, uh, well, they are changelings, so they can... change.
:Royal guard 1: [to other guards] You hear that? These monsters can look like any of us, so be on guard, guards! Even more than normal.
:Spike: And they could be anywhere.
:Royal guards: [affirming snort]
:Spike: So we should cover as much ground as possible. You, search that way!
:[whoosh]
:Spike: And you, search that way!
:[whoosh]
:Spike: And... I'll... just search... here, I guess. Not many places to hide. Unless that rock is a changeling. Okay, rock. How do I know you're really a rock? Hmm. Not talkin', huh? Well, you can't fool me! Uhh! Ow! [screams]
:Spike: Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Help! Oh! Uhh!
:[boulder thuds]
:Spike: Phew! [kisses] Okay. Maybe it's time Spike the Brave and Glorious went back to, uh, protect those guards. Gah! [sighs] Just my reflection. Huh? Ha! Ha-ha! Hmm. Just my imagination, I guess.
:[transformation noise]
:Spike: [screams]
:Spike: Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changeling! [stutters]
:Thorax: No, wait! Come back!
:Spike: [screaming]
:[thud]
:Spike: [screaming] This is unexpected.
:[splat]
:Thorax: The ice is pretty slippery. I wouldn't want you to get hurt because of me.
:Spike: You... saved me?
:Thorax: It's okay. I know you don't wanna be friends.
:Spike: Wait! I don't understand. Changelings are supposed to be evil... right?
:Thorax: Evil? Oh, not me. All I've ever wanted is a friend.
:Thorax: [narrating] From the moment I first split my egg in the nursery hive...
:[changeling larva hissing]
:Baby Thorax: [whimpering]
:Thorax: [narrating] I was part of the attack on Canterlot during the royal wedding, but I'd never seen true friendship like that! And I couldn't just steal it and feed on its love. I wanted to share it!
:[explosion]
:Thorax: After that, I knew I couldn't live with my kind anymore. I set off looking for love to share, but...
:Spike: But... what?
:Thorax: I'm starving! And there's so much love in the Crystal Empire right now. It's what drew me here! But it's drivin' me crazy!
:Spike: That would be from the royal Crystalling. It's pretty much a giant outpouring of light and love for a new baby.
:Thorax: [hisses] Oh, sorry! I'm just so hungry! If I had a friend, maybe the love we shared could sustain me, but I don't think the Crystal Ponies want to be friends.
:Spike: What if I told you there was somepony they respect and admire so much, he could convince them to give it a try?
:Thorax: If only that were true.
:Spike: It is! I mean, I am! It's me, Spike! Spike the Brave and Glorious? I'm sure you've heard of me.
:Thorax: Nope. But I was raised by an evil queen. I'm Thorax. I can't believe you want to help me.
:Spike: Why? Hasn't anypony ever just been nice to you?
:Thorax: [hisses] Uh! S-Sorry! Kindness like that kind of brings it out. Do you still wanna be my friend?
:Spike: Of course! And I am one hundred percent sure I can get the whole Crystal Empire to be your friend too.
:Thorax: [hisses]
:Spike: But... maybe I should just, uh, talk to them first.
:Thorax: [muffled grunting]
:Royal guard 1: What do you mean? Did you see the changeling?
:Royal guard 2: Did you defeat the evil creature?
:Spike: Defeating a changeling would be brave, but do you know what would be glorious?
:Royal guard 1: Defeating two changelings?
:Royal guard 2: Defeating all the changelings?
:Spike: Not having to fight the changeling at all! Because I made friends with him.
:[guards laughing]
:Royal guard 1: Oh, wow! For a second I thought you were serious!
:Royal guard 2: [laughing] Could you imagine? Friends with a changeling?
:Spike: I am serious. He wants to be friends!
:[guards laughing]
:Royal guard 2: Right!
:Royal guard 1: Not only are you Spike the Brave and Glorious, you're also Spike the Hilarious!
:Royal guard 2: [laughing]
:Spike: I'm not joking! The changeling is nice!
:[guards laughing harder]
:Shining Armor: I'm sorry, but I don't think it's funny. The Changeling Queen Chrysalis kidnapped Cadance and cast a spell on me.
:[zip!]
:Shining Armor: There's no such thing as a nice changeling.
:Spike: You're right, Shining Armor. Sorry. That was a... bad joke.
:Thorax: So? So? Uh, what did they say? How many new friends do I have?
:Spike: Well, it didn't go exactly the way I thought.
:Thorax: [groans] I understand. Well, thanks for trying. I-I guess it's not surprising. How can you expect ponies who looks like this... [transformation noise] to trust something that looks like this? [transformation noise]
:Spike: I think I might know!
:[door opens]
:Twilight Sparkle: Spike, if you're done searching for the changeling, Starlight and I could use your help. We're working on a protection spell for Flurry Heart, and nopony takes notes like you.
:Spike: Uh, actually, Twilight, I, uh, wanted to introduce you to my friend, uh... Uh, Crystal, uh... Hoof! Crystal Hoof! [chuckles] My good friend, Crystal Hoof.
:: Nice to meet you.
:Twilight Sparkle: Oh. Well, it's, uh, nice to meet you, too. How do you know Spike?
:: Oh, uh, Spike and I go way back.
:Spike: To the Equestria Games! That's when we met. We've been pen pals ever since.
:Twilight Sparkle: Pen pals? Spike! You could have been using my pen pal quill set! Why didn't you tell me?
:Spike: Well, I... I pretty much only write to him when you and Starlight are... studying.
:: I like to brag to all my friends about my letters from Spike the Brave and Glorious.
:Spike: Yeah. [laughs nervously]
: and Spike: [laugh nervously]
:Twilight Sparkle: Well, I'm sure Starlight and I can manage, if you want to spend time with your friend.
:Spike: Great! Crystal Hoof promised to take me around the city.
:: Oh, that was amazing!
:Spike: I told ya.
:[montage music]
:Royal guard 1: [hushed] Crystal Hoof is nearly as entertaining as Spike himself.
:: [gasps] This place is everything I've ever dreamed of! [hushed] But I can't keep pretending to be a Crystal Pony forever, can I?
:Spike: Relax. You're winning them over. Pretty soon, nopony will care that you're a changeling.
:Princess Cadance: Spike! Twilight told me you were off with a friend.
:Spike: [nervous laugh]
:Princess Cadance: And any friend of Spike the Brave and Glorious is a friend of mine.
:Flurry Heart: [coos]
:: Oh, she's so beautiful! There's so much l-love around her...! I... I...!
:[transformation noise]
:Thorax: [hisses]
:Princess Cadance: [gasps]
:Twilight Sparkle and Starlight Glimmer: [gasps]
:Thorax: I... [hisses] I'm so... [hisses] ...sorry...! I can't... Can't [hisses] ...stop!
:Twilight Sparkle: Spike! Get away from the changeling!
:Spike: Wait, no! You don't understand!
:Sunburst: This changeling replaced your friend to get close to the baby! What other explanation could there be?!
:Spike: I...
:Thorax: [hisses]
:Spike: ...I don't know.
:Thorax: [whimpers]
:Royal guard 1: After it! Don't let the changeling escape!
:Princess Cadance: I hope your friend is okay.
:Spike: Yeah... Me, too.
:Royal guard 1: Spike, you should go find Crystal Hoof while we hunt down the changeling.
:Spike: I'm pretty sure he doesn't wanna see me.
:Shining Armor: Spread out! The changeling is probably still nearby!
:Spike: Actually, I'm pretty sure he ran as far away from here as possible.... But I bet I know where!
:Spike: Thorax! Hello? I just want to apologize! I should have stood up for you... Aw, come on, Thorax! I know you're in here!
:[transformation noise]
:Thorax: Leave me alone! [hisses]
:Spike: [yelps] [panting] Little help?
:Thorax: Why do you think I would help you? I'm an "evil changeling"!
:Spike: Because you're my friend. I just wish I had been one to you. [yelps]
:Thorax: It's okay, I know it's hard. Everyone in the Crystal Empire loves you. I couldn't ask you to give that up for me.
:Spike: You don't have to ask.
:Thorax: What are you gonna do?
:Spike: What I should've done in the first place.
:Royal guards: Let's move! Move! Move! This way! This way! Let's go! Check there? Okay. Over here! Over here! [etc.]
:[guards shouting]
:Royal guard: Look around that corner! Over there! Over there! [etc.]
:Starlight Glimmer: I know it's bad that there's a changeling around, but is all this really necessary?
:Princess Cadance: If there's one changeling, there may well be a whole army on the way.
:Twilight Sparkle: True. But Starlight has a point. This is getting a little out of hand.
:Princess Cadance: [sighs] I understand, but I don't know what else we can do.
:Spike: I do!
:[ponies gasp]
:Shining Armor: Spike! What are you doing?! Get away from that thing!
:Spike: No. He's not a "thing"! His name is Thorax, and he's my friend!
:Royal guards and Shining Armor: [gasp]
:Princess Cadance and Sunburst: [gasp]
:Starlight Glimmer: [gasp]
:[long beat]
:Twilight Sparkle: Spike, I'm so proud of you.
:Spike: You are?
:Twilight Sparkle: Of course! You're a celebrity here in the Crystal Empire, and you just risked all of it for a friend! I can't imagine anything more brave than that. [to others] As the Princess of Friendship, I try to set an example for all of Equestria. But today, it was Spike who taught me that a new friend can come from anywhere. I guess everypony still has things to learn about friendship. Even me! And if Spike says Thorax is his friend, then he's my friend too.
:Thorax: Thank you.
:Princess Cadance: On behalf of the Crystal Empire, I would like to extend my hoof in friendship, and I'm sure all of my subjects are eager to do the same.
:[guards cheering]
:Flurry Heart: [coos]
:Shining Armor: Welcome to the Crystal Empire, Thorax. I'm sorry we didn't take the time to get to know you. Maybe we can change that now.
:Thorax: That'd be so amazing! I want to know all about friendship, and maybe one day I can take that knowledge back to the Changeling Kingdom! If my kind learned how to create love for one another, maybe they wouldn't have to take it from others!
:Royal guard 1: To Spike the Brave and Glorious!
:[cheering]
:Starlight Glimmer: Looks like you were right after all.
:Twilight Sparkle: Right about what?
:Starlight Glimmer: Friendship lessons can happen anywhere.
:[credits]