Monster House/Transcript

==Opening Titles==
:[After the film's title is shown, an orange leaf is hanging on a tree, it then falls off the tree, and gently drifts onto the sidewalk. Something then goes past the leaves, causing them to blow every which way. Eliza, a young girl, is riding along the sidewalk on her tricycle.]
:Eliza: Hello, fence. Hello, leaves. Hello sky. [she continues riding along and singing until, all of a sudden, she hits a bump] Ow!
:[A leaf lands a short distance away then drifts towards her as she peddles in place, still singing, her tricycle stuck in the grass, she tries to move, but it won't budge, as the leaf gets stuck on the front wheel, then blows through the wheel. Eliza looks to her right with a look of fear on her face as she gazes at a rather foreboding house, Old Man Nebbercracker's House. The leaf drifts towards the house, landing on the porch and sliding right up to the front door. At that second, the sound of the door unlocking from inside is heard; Eliza’s eyes widen in fear as the doorknob rattles and then the door opens.]
=="Stay Away From My House!"==
:[A pair of blue eyes emerges from the darkness of the doorway, and Horace Nebbercracker, an old man, stomps onto the porch.]
:Nebbercracker: Oh, get off my lawn!
:[Eliza screams and tries to peddle away, but her tricycle is still stuck as Nebbercracker storms up to her.]
:Nebbercracker: Trespasser! Do you want to be eaten alive?!
:Eliza: [fearfully looks up at him and shakes her head] No!
:Nebbercracker: [points down the street as he screams] Then get out of here!
:[Eliza screams, dismounts her tricycle and runs away, then stops and glances back at her tricycle.]
:Eliza: My trike!
:[Nebbercracker promptly picks up the tricycle, rips the front wheel off, and glares at Eliza with a snarl; Eliza runs away crying.]
:Nebbercracker: Stay away from my house! [he coughs, then begrudgingly turns and carries the dismantled tricycle back to his house]
:[As he reaches the porch, he glances behind him at the sound of a camera going off and growls. From the second floor window of the house across the street, DJ Walters, a young black-haired boy, has just observed the confrontation between Nebbercracker and Eliza through his telescope.]
:Mrs. Walters: DJ!
:Mr. Walters: We're gonna be late.
:DJ: Yeah, Mom, I'm coming. I'm coming. October 30th, another tricycle. I'm coming! Mom. Mom, he did it again. He took another tricycle.
:Mrs. Walters: Okay, honey, we've talked about this. You cannot stay up in your room all day, staring at an old man through a telescope!
:DJ: But, Mom, there's something wrong with that house. I'm serious.
:Mrs. Walters: What was that?
:DJ: I'm serious.
:Mrs. Walters: His voice sounds funny.
:Mr. Walters: Someone is hitting puberty. “What's happening to my body?” Right, buddy? Maybe you should come with us.
:Mr. Walters: Oh, the boy's too busy. He's got his spying to do.
:DJ: I'm not spying. Well, uh...
:Mr. Walters: “Well, uh...” That's okay, buddy. When I was your age, I did exactly the same thing. Of course, it was with binoculars and involved the lovely Jensen twins. Neither of which was as lovely as your beautiful mother. Will you be an angel and help me bring out the incisor?
:Mrs. Walters: The incisor.
:Mr. Walters: [hands a massive tooth model to DJ] Hold onto this, buddy.
:Mrs. Walters: Yeah, you don't wanna forget that. [annoyed, DJ glances at Nebbercracker’s house] Elizabeth will be here in a few hours. If anything happens, call the police and hide in your closet.
:Mr. Walters: He knows that.
:Mrs. Walters: See you tomorrow night.
:[DJ’s best friend Chowder, wearing a Halloween mask and holding a basketball, comes running up behind the car yelling and bumps right into it, causing DJ’s parents to jolt.]
:Chowder: [putting his hand on the rear window] I'm okay!
:Mrs. Walters: What have you done?
:Mr. Walters: Just let me drive this thing, will you?
:Mrs. Walters: [as Chowder gets up] Where is DJ? Where's DJ?
:Chowder: [walks around to the driver’s side window] I'm fine.
:Mr. Walters: You would be so happy if he was under the car, wouldn't you?
:Chowder: [as Mr. Walters rolls down his window] Sorry. It’s hard to see with the mask on.
:Mr. Walters: [reaches out and pulls the mask off Chowder’s head] Then why don't you keep it off, Chowder? [throws the mask aside and rolls up his window]
:Mrs. Walters: Why did you put up your window?
:DJ: Chowder.
:Mr. Walters: It’s aerodynamic.
:Chowder: Hi, DJ.
:Mr. Walters: We've got to make time.
:Mrs. Walters: The children. The children.
:Mr. Walters: What children?
:Mrs. Walters: Bye-bye, baby. Tell him you love him, dear.
:Mr. Walters: He knows that.-
:Mrs. Walters: Tell your son you love him.
:Mr. Walters: I don't wanna tell him.
:Mrs. Walters: Just say I love you son.
:Mr. Walters: He knows l love him.
:Mrs. Walters: He's your son.
:Mr. Walters: Why do I have to roll down the window? We're gonna be late!
:Mrs. Walters: We both love you. That includes your dad.
:Mr. Walters: [as they drive over Chowder’s mask] That's right.
:Mrs. Walters: Blow him a kiss.
:Mr. Walters: He's had enough kisses.
:Mrs. Walters: Blow him a kiss.
:Mr. Walters: Bye...
==Nebbercracker's Lawn==
:[DJ yells in frustration that his parents won't take him seriously and lowers his head.]
:Chowder: Aw, cheer up. It's almost Halloween. In one day and three hours it's candy time. Okay? Check it out, l got a new ball.
:DJ: Cool.
:Chowder: Oh, speaking of which, have you decided? Skullzor or Crypt Keeper? [he makes snarling sounds and waves his arms around]
:DJ: [putting his hand on Chowder’s shoulder] Chowder. [Chowder stops his antics] I don't think I'm going trick-or-treating this year.
:Chowder: [in disbelief] What? [DJ throws the ball through the hoop] Come on, you're gonna break a six-year streak.
:DJ: Yeah, six years of being jumped and egged. Maybe I'm getting too grown-up. [throws the ball again; Chowder catches it and makes a face at DJ as he makes a whining noise. Then he dance around bouncing the ball]
:Chowder: Three seconds on the clock. I'm playing basketball. It’s time for an in-your-face disgrace. [he throws the ball, only it for it to bounce of the hoop and hit him in the face; he cries out and falls to the driveway as the ball bounces away]
:DJ: Are you okay?
:Chowder: My nose is in my brain!
:DJ: Let me see. Oh, my God!
:Chowder: [sitting up] What?
:DJ: You're a dork.
:Chowder: [snorting, then looking around] Where's my ball? [he looks to his right; DJ follows his gaze] Oh, no. [he gasps; the ball has landed on Nebbercracker's lawn, just a few feet away from the house; DJ and Chowder run across the street towards the house, stopping just in front of the curb, looking at the ball; Chowder whimpers in disappointment.]
:DJ: [puts his hand on Chowder's shoulder] Sorry, man. [turns to leave]
:Chowder: Wait, wait. DJ. You're a grown up now. You go get it.
:DJ: Chowder, your ball just landed on Nebbercracker's lawn. It doesn't exist anymore.
:Chowder: [glances at the ball, then looks at DJ before tearing up and sniffling] I paid $28 for that ball. I raked 10 yards and asked my mom for a dollar 26 times. I never worked that hard in my life--
:DJ: Shh. Nebbercracker hasn't come out yet.
:Chowder: So?
:DJ: So maybe he's sleeping. All right, I'll do it. [he steps on the lawn]
:Chowder: I'll never forget this. Hurry, though. [pushes DJ forward onto the lawn]
:DJ: Go. [runs towards the ball, and stops just an inch from it when he hears the house’s front door open and looks up to see the door open and Nebbercracker’s dark silhouette standing next to it]
:Nebbercracker: [emerges from the shadows and points at DJ] You!
:DJ: No.
:Chowder: DJ, run! [Nebbercracker charges at DJ and tries to grab him; he ducks, and while running, he accidentally kicks up a small bit of dirt] Get the ball and run! [Nebbercracker walks up to see the minor damage DJ inadvertently caused to his lawn as he gets the dirt off his shoe] You're so close!
:Nebbercracker: [looking at DJ] What have you done?
:Chowder: Just nudge it over here!
:DJ: I'm so sorry. Oh, I'm so, so, so sorry. I didn't mean--
:Nebbercracker: [getting furious by the second] You are dead!!!
[DJ runs for his life but Mr Nebbercracker grabbed his arm]
:Chowder: DJ, come on, come on!
:DJ: Chowder!
:Chowder: Come on, DJ!
:DJ: [Nebbercracker grabs him by the arm and pulls him backwards] Help! Chowder!
:Chowder: Help! Help!
:Nebbercracker: [lifts DJ off the ground] You think you can just terrorize my lawn?!
:DJ: No, I'm sorry!
:Nebbercracker: You wanna be a dead person?!?
:DJ: No. I love life!
:Nebbercracker: This place is not a playground for children!
:DJ: Got it from now on!
:Nebbercracker: This is my house! Why can't you respect that?! Why can't you just stay away from--?
:[He gasps and groans. DJ looks at him in horror as he wheezes; his heart sounds like it stopped, his bones crack, and he passes out as he falls on top of DJ. Horrified, Chowder puts his hands on his head. As DJ trembles under Nebbercracker’s body, the house closes the front door and twitches.]
==The Key==
:[Inside the house, flames spark up and whoosh to life from within the chimney where smoke rises up as an ambulance siren is heard outside. On the lawn, DJ and Chowder watch as two paramedics strap the unconscious Nebbercracker to a stretcher and wheel him towards the ambulance. The grass strokes his finger as he goes. DJ notices a golden glow coming from the lawn; as Chowder walks away towards the ambulance, DJ approaches a golden key laying in the grass and picks it up. All of a sudden, the stretcher gets stuck; the grass has tangled around one of the wheels. The paramedics struggle to get the stretcher free.]
:Paramedic #1: Push! [they strain with all their might and pull the stretcher free from the grass; the one wheel that got stuck is pulled down into the grass]
:Chowder: [watching as the paramedics load the stretcher with Nebbercracker on it into the ambulance] Whoa. [A shocked DJ looks at Chowder as he stands there smiling and shakes his head. He steps behind the ambulance, looking at Nebbercracker through the back window as the ambulance silently drives away, then looks at Chowder again.] No siren. Never a good sign.
:DJ: [stepping next to Chowder and glancing at Nebbercracker's house, where the shades on the second-floor windows are wide open; the house is seemingly looking at them, as one of the windows starts to crack] I'm a murderer.
:Chowder: No, you're not.
:DJ: I'm not?
:Chowder: When it's an accident, they call it manslaughter.
:DJ: I think I'm gonna throw up. [Zee drives up in her car] Great. Babysitter's here.
:Chowder: [running off to go home] See you, DJ!
:DJ: Perfect.
[DJ heads to his house where Elzabeth had arrived in her car, singing to a song]
:Zee: Hey, DJ, I just saw an ambulance. Did I miss anything interesting? [DJ enters the house as she follows] Hello?
:DJ: Elizabeth... can I talk to you about something?
:Zee: Oh, yeah, of course you can, cantaloupe. [speaking loudly] We are gonna have the bestest time. I’ve got tons of neat activities planned.
:DJ: They already left.
:Zee: They did? They're gone?
:DJ: Yes, and I need to talk to you.
:Zee: [taking off her pink jacket] So the usual deal: Indoors by 9, in your room by 11. Lights out, your call.
:DJ: Elizabeth.
:Zee: [takes off her headband] And it's Zee.
:DJ: “Zee”?
:Zee: Now, listen up. I control the TV, the stereo and the phone. I don't do board games, Shrinky Dinks or tuck-ins. I'm not your mother. I'm not your friend.
:DJ: Don't talk to me like I'm a baby, okay? I am practically a grownup. I don't even need you here, Elizabeth.
:Zee: [casually walks to the door, picks up a potted plant next to it, walks into the middle of the room, and drops the pot onto the floor, where it breaks] Gosh, DJ, why'd you break that?
:DJ: But I didn't.
:Zee: Yeah, let me ask you something. Who are they gonna believe? [pushes him] Go to your room.
:DJ: [angrily turns and runs upstairs] Fine!
==Dark Shadows==
:[Zee walks into the living room and puts a tape in the stereo, then turns it on, playing blaring rock music.]
:Singer: You're a brave soldier!
:[Zee dances around wildly to the music, then picks up the phone and dials it. Upstairs, a frustrated DJ enters his bedroom; the music is so loud, he can hear it from his room. He closes the door with annoyance, then takes the key he found on Nebbercracker's lawn out of his pocket, examines it, then puts it on the desk. Walking to the window, he looks at Nebbercracker's house for a few seconds, then folds his telescope and puts it aside, then closes the window before pulling the blinds shut. He then picks up his bunny doll and gets into bed. As he falls asleep, the shadow of Nebbercracker's house expands into his room, which turns an orange-reddish color, the second floor window shades open, making them look like yellow eyes, then the front door opens, and the shadowy shape of a fat woman's arm comes out and makes a grabbing movement towards DJ. DJ suddenly wakes up horrified as the phone rings. Grasping his bunny doll, he checks his bedside clock to see that the time is 11:14PM. The phone suddenly rings again; yawning, DJ picks it up and answers it.]
:DJ: [sleepily] Hello? [a spooky growling or groaning sound is heard on the other end] Hello? [he hangs up, but the phone rings again, causing him to jump; now wide awake, he answers it again] Hello? [hears the same spooky sounds again and believes it to be a prank] Yeah. Very funny. [dials star-6-9] See how you like it.
:[DJ puts the phone to his ear and hears the phone from the other end ringing on his phone, then he hears the sound of the actual phone. Wondering where it's coming from, he looks out the window at Nebbercracker's house. Realizing he's getting the calls from there, he raises the blinds and opens the window, then looks out at the house with a feeling of dread while the phone continues ringing. As he watches the house, a pair of hands come out from the darkness behind him and grab him by the shoulders; he screams and turns around, coming face-to-face with Zee's boyfriend, Bones, wearing Chowder's mask.]
:Bones: Happy Halloween, doofus! [Zee enters the room and turns on the lights]
:Zee: [as Bones takes the mask off] Nice one, Bones.
:Bones: [points at DJ] Look at his face. [DJ looks at them, trembling] That's so funny. [Zee and Bones laugh]
:DJ: You’re not supposed to have friends over. Who is this?
:Zee: This is Bones.
:Bones: [gives DJ a greeting gesture] What’s up?
:Zee: He’s in a band.
:Bones: That’s right?
:'Zee: And, anyway, cantaloupe, let's not open up the rulebook, okay? Since you're up way past your bedtime.
:DJ: No, no, no, this is different. Listen.
==Zee and Bones==
:Zee: [glancing out the window at Nebbercracker’s house as the phone continues ringing] Uh... wow! You called the neighbors. [closes the window] Good for you.
:DJ: I used star-69. He called me.
:Zee: Who called you?
:DJ: Nebbercracker. P.S., he died today.
:Bones: You lie.
:DJ: Do not. He died, and now I'm getting phone calls from his house.
:Bones: A phone call from beyond the grave? Boo!
:DJ: Guys, come on! I'm serious!
:Bones: Oh, he's serious! Did you know he was serious?
:DJ: Come on, man, give her back.
:Bones: Oh, "her"? You mind?
:DJ: Oh, come on! Gross!
:Zee: Come on, Bones!
:Bones: Wait, hold on, dude. I th-- She's having trouble breathing. Might have something in her throat. All right, I'll look into it!
:DJ: No! Elizabeth! No!
:Zee: Okay, Bones, knock it off! Downstairs, now!
:Bones: Sorry, kid, can't play anymore.
:Zee: You are so funny.
:Bones: I know. It's like I don't even try and it just happens.
:DJ: [walks back to the window and peers out at Nebbercracker’s house; suddenly, the shade on the left-hand second floor window of the house opens; DJ hides, then looks out the window again; the shade has closed again] God, stop doing this! [glances at his telephone]
:Chowder: [playing a video game at his house and eating what looks like potato chips as his phone rings] Oh, yeah? What you gonna do? [turns his attention to the phone and picks up] Homicide.
:DJ: Chowder, where are your parents?
:Chowder: My dad's at the pharmacy, and my mom's at the movies with her personal trainer.
:DJ: All right, meet me at the Danger Zone now!
:Chowder: [as DJ hangs up] Fine.
[As DJ creeps down the stairs, he can hear Zee arguing with Bones.]
:Zee: Bones, I said, knock it off!
:Bones: Come on, man!
:Zee: [whispering] No, I'm creeped out. You know, I saw an ambulance here today.
:Bones: So?
:Zee: So maybe Nebbercracker really did die.
:Bones: We should be so lucky. The guy is evil.
:Zee: No, he's just a crotchety old dude.
:Bones: Oh, really, Zee? When I was 10 years old, I had a kite. Awesome kite. I could fly it so high you couldn't see it. One day, it crashed down. I followed the string and it ended right over there... across the street, right at the edge of his lawn.
:Zee: [looks at the house outside and back to Bones] Oh... Did he take your kite?
:Bones: Yeah, he takes whatever lands on his lawn. But that's not the point. The point is, is that I saw him talking to his house... and kissing it.[they pucker up and are almost about to kiss] Besides... everybody knows what he did to his wife.
:Zee: Why? What--? What did he do to her?
:Bones: He ate her!
[Bones grabs her and Zee screams in surprise and fell off the couch.]
:Zee: Bones! Get off! Stop it! Ow! Ow! Bones, enough!
:DJ: [disgusted by their antics] Ugh. [he quietly creeps down the stairs and heads for the back door]
:Bones: Come on, Zee!
:Zee: Bones, I'm so sick of you!
:Bones: I was just--
:Zee: You have no respect for women!
:Bones: What? What does that mean?
:Zee: [opens the front door and pushes Bones out] Get out! [closes the door firmly]
:Bones: Fine! [DJ quietly opens the back door, goes through it, and closes it quietly] Prude. [drinks from his beer bottle, and glances at Nebbercracker’s house]
==Back from the Dead==
:Bones: What are you looking at? Huh? [he walks towards the house] Nebbercracker, nah, nah. [walking to the other side of the street, he steps up onto the curb, then angrily shouts as he throws his beer bottle onto the lawn before stepping closer to the house] You really are dead, aren't you? [he scoffs then puts his foot on the lawn and laughs deviously] I'm on your lawn, Nebbercracker. Huh, what are you gonna do about it, Nebbercracker? My awesome kite.
[Suddenly, the house grabbed him and swallowed the man whole as the door slammed shut.]
DJ: Chowder. Chowder.[he walks to a huge digger] Chowder? Chowder. [he almost fell over the edge of the deep pit. behind him, Chowder appears on the digger.]
:Chowder: Heat seeker!
:DJ: Chowder, what are you doing? Shut up!
:Chowder: What?
:DJ: Nebbercracker's back from the dead.
:Chowder: No way!
:DJ: Yeah!
:Chowder: They leave the keys in here. You dare me?
:DJ: Chowder, you're not listening to me! Nebbercracker's haunting me, all right? His blood is on my hands! And now he's coming back for revenge!
:Chowder: You're really crazy right now! Have you noticed that? I think you're just freaking out because you killed a guy today. Life goes on. For you. Try and relax. Be cool, like me.
:[All of a sudden, he presses an elbow and the excavator starts moving.]
:DJ: Chowder, what are you doing? Make it stop! [DJ turns off the machine] Quit screwing around! I need your help.
:Chowder: Fine! You want my help?
:DJ: Yeah.
:Chowder: I got three words for you: Trick! Or! Treat! [growls]
:DJ: Okay. Whatever. Let's go.
==Welcome Mat==
:[DJ and Chowder run across the street, towards Nebbercracker's house.]
:Chowder: Hold on. [stops to catch his breath]
:DJ: [using a tree for cover] Chowder, come on.
:Chowder: [walking up to DJ and peering at the house] The haunting is subtle. Yet, really really boring. Can I go home now?
:DJ: Chowder, shh! He'll hear you.
:Chowder: DJ... this is why nobody will sit next to us at lunch. I'll go ding-dong ditch the house, and you'll see. No ghost! 
:DJ: Chowder, stop, please! [Chowder looks at DJ, gestures at his eyes with his fingers and points them at DJ] Chowder, I'm serious. [Chowder gets on his front and starts crawling towards the house] Chowder, come back. Come back here, please, Chowder. Come on! [Chowder ignores DJ and keeps going; DJ kneels beside the tree and watches] Chowder, come back.
:Chowder: [as he crawls, he encounters the beer bottle Bones threw onto the lawn and picks it up] Oh, no! A bottle. 
:DJ: Chowder, put that down! [Chowder chuckles as he puts the bottle back where he found it] Come back, please!
:Chowder: Bottle. [he continues crawling towards the house, not noticing the bottle sinking into the grass;. Reaching the house, he steps onto the porch, towards the door, then turns around to face DJ] Hey, DJ, who am I? [does an imitation of Nebbercracker] Get off my laaaaawn! 
:DJ: Don't. Come on. 
:Chowder: [pretends to be choking and makes a gagging face at DJ, then giggles and turns towards the door again; looking a little nervous, he rings the doorbell, which sounds unnaturally normal, then faces DJ again and smiles] Hmm. 
:[Suddenly, the doorbell rings ominously; Chowder nervously turns around again. The shades on the house's second floor windows open and the lights turn on. From the tree, DJ watches nervously as the sound of wood cracking is heard; Chowder gulps and whimpers, and gasps in horror. Without warning, the front door flies open, several feet away, the floor boards tilt downwards into what appears to be a mouthful of teeth as the entry hallway illuminates in green light, and a carpet rises up. Chowder, gasping and screaming, reacts with fear as teeth-like pieces of wood appear in the upper and lower parts of the doorway; the house's roof and window shades tilt into what looks like a murderous glare. The carpet then comes straight towards Chowder, like a chameleon's tongue; Chowder, now terrified, turns and jumps down from the porch and runs away from the house as fast as he can.]
:DJ: Move it! Chowder! Get out of there! Come on! Come on! Chowder, come here!
:Chowder: [screaming as he runs] Mommy! 
:DJ: Come here! This way! This way! This way!
:Chowder: Help! 
:DJ: Come on! Come on! Come on, Chowder! Chowder! This way! [Chowder reaches the end of the sidewalk leading to the house. The carpet, having gone as far as it can go, slithers back into the house; Chowder crashes right into DJ, and the two boys fall on to the sidewalk. DJ looks back at the house, which roars at them; DJ and Chowder both scream as they turn and crawl into the street.] Chowder, this way! [they get to their feet and run back to DJ's house, screaming, and push open the front door] Don't look back!
:Chowder: [entering the house, he glances back at Nebbercracker's house, which looks normal again for a split second, then goes back to looking like a monster; he screams and closes the door] I looked back! [unable to help glancing at the haunted house, he screams before slamming the door closed; Chowder's scream is heard again outside the house; it then shifts to Halloween morning]
==A Successful Future==
:[As Zee is fast asleep on the couch with a pillow over her face, the doorbell rings; Zee slowly wakes up with a groan and pushes the pillow aside.]
:Zee: Bones? [seconds later, she is standing next to the door, straightening her hair] Coming. [getting slightly angry as the doorbell continues ringing, she turns to open the door] Don't even think about crawling back here--! [Jenny Bennett, a young, red-haired girl, is standing at the door, holding up a Halloween mask] Oh.  
:Jenny: Boo! Trick or treat. [not at all amused, Zee closes the door; Jenny puts her mask in a wagon full of candy next to her, and rings the doorbell repeatedly again]
:Zee: [opening the door again with an annoyed facial expression] What?!  
:Jenny: [smiling brightly at Zee] Good morning, ma'am. You've just witnessed a simulation of what you'll face this evening. Studies show that households that run out of candy are fifty-five percent more likely to be TP'd. To help avert this tragedy, I'm here selling Halloween candy for my school, West Brook Prep. 
:Zee: Good school. I got kicked out of there. Now, what do you want? 
:Jenny: Just trying to get a head start on life and secure a successful future.  
:Zee: You want a successful future? When a guy with tattoos comes up to the drive-thru, give him his burger, not your phone number. [proceeds to close the door]
:Jenny: [holding out her hand and stopping Zee from closing the door] Thank you for the advice. I'll be sure to make a note of it. But, back to business. Eggs, shaving cream, toilet paper. Without candy, I'm afraid your house is a... bulls-eye with shingles.  
:Zee: Nice try. It's not my house. 
:Jenny: Babysitter? [Zee nods; Jenny sighs] OK, let's cut the crap. Maybe the parents you work for left you forty dollars in emergency money? 
:Zee: Maybe they left me thirty.  
:Jenny: Maybe you give me twenty, I write a receipt for thirty, and you pocket ten.  
:Zee: Maybe, and I want two extra bags of peanut clusters. 
:Jenny: One bag, and I'll toss in a licorice whip. 
:Zee: [nodding with a smile] You're good. 
:Jenny: [smiles back at Zee very brightly] Hmm. [turns to leave] 
:[Meanwhile, in DJ's room, Mountain Dew bottles filled with something other than Mountain Dew are all over the floor as Chowder sits on the stool with his cape over his head, gazing through the telescope at Nebbercracker's house with the window open and the blinds closed; Chowder's butt is so big, it slightly goes over the sides of the stool. DJ is sleepily sitting at his desk; his watch beeps.]
:Chowder: [with a yawn] 8 AM. No detectable movement.  
:DJ: [making a note] No detectable movement.  
:Zee: [entering the room] Hey, DJ, I brought you some chocolate. 
:DJ: Shh! [Chowder turns around, lifts his cape up, and hisses at her; Zee, unaware of what they're up to, turns on the light; Chowder falls off the stool as DJ runs over to turn it off before turning back towards Chowder] Cover blown? 
:Chowder: [returning to the telescope and gazing at the house, which is still motionless, he sighs with annoyance] No detectable movement! 
:Zee: What are you two weirdos up to? 
:Chowder: [walking up to Zee] Oh, nothing. Just something in the house across the street JUST TRIED TO EAT US! [does a monster-like gesture with his hand as he speaks] 
:DJ: [as Zee picks up one of the bottles on the floor] Yeah. We've been up all night watching it. We haven't even left this room once. Not even to go to the bathroom. [pointing at the bottle in Zee's hand] Don't drink that. 
:Zee: Ugh, gross! Whatever disease you guys have, I'm sure it's got letters, and that they make pills for it.  
:DJ: Zee, it's true! There's something evil going on across the street!  
:Zee: That's excellent. I'm really happy for you. Anyway, um... have you two astronomers seen Bones? He left last night unexpectedly, and... he never came back. 
:DJ: He never came back? [Zee shakes her head]
:Chowder: [remembering Bones' beer bottle, which he found on Nebbercracker's lawn] Bottle.  
:DJ: [realizing what conclusion Chowder is jumping to] Of course!  
:Zee: [getting annoyed] Oh, okay, you know what? I don't have time for this.
:Chowder: [getting up and walking to Zee with an uneasy facial expression] Listen, Zee, I don't know how to tell you this--
:DJ: Your boyfriend has most likely been eaten alive. [Zee's eyes widen]
:Zee: Sherry Klausen. I gotta go. [thrusts the candy bars at DJ] Breakfast. Happy Halloween, losers. [she turns and leaves the room, closing the door behind her]
:[DJ and Chowder look at each other in disappointment, then Chowder resumes monitoring the house while DJ places the chocolate bars on the desk and resumes taking notes.]
==Scoping It Out==
:[Chowder continues monitoring Nebbercracker's house; he follows a leaf blowing along, zooming past Jenny as she walks along the street, and goes back to her, watching her as she walks.]
:Chowder: Hello.  
:DJ: [Chowder glances at him] What? [he gets up] What is it? 
:Chowder: Oh. Nothing.  
:DJ: [coming to the telescope] Let me see.  
:[A close-up of Chowder's eye is shown before shifting to show a close-up of DJ's eye; he glimpses Jenny as she walks along, glamorously smiling and flashing radiantly. Infatuated, DJ and Chowder both sigh dreamily, then continue watching her through the telescope. As she looks to her left while walking, they turn the telescope to the right, focusing on the "Beware" sign on Nebbercracker's lawn; they gasp as they see the sign disappear under the grass, then turn the telescope to the left so it's focused on Jenny again, and watch as she goes along the sidewalk to her left. They look up from the telescope to see she's heading straight towards Nebbercracker's house; they both gasp and look at each other in horror.]
:DJ and Chowder: [simultaneously] Oh, no!
:[They immediately run for the bedroom door as the phone starts ringing.]
:Chowder: [as he and DJ open the front door and run after Jenny] No! 
:DJ: No, wait! 
:Chowder: Hey! No! 
:DJ: Hey!  
:Zee [glancing upstairs then out the front door as it closes] DJ, that's your phone! 
:DJ: [as he and Chowder continue running after Jenny, trying to warn her] No, stop!
:Chowder: Yoo-hoo! Girl! Hey!
:DJ: Don't go in there!
:Chowder: Hold it! [they stop just before the curb]
:DJ: [calmly as Jenny turns to face them while the "Keep Away" sign sinks into the grass] Don't go any further! [motioning for her to come away from the house] Come here!
:Chowder: Yes, over here!
:Jenny: [not understanding that they're trying to protect her] Are you guys mentally challenged?
:[Behind her, the front door slowly opens; DJ and Chowder look at each other nervously and then back at the house.]
:Jenny: If you are, I'm certified to teach you baseball.
:[The two boys look up to see the eyelid-like shades of the windows open and tilt into an angry stare.]
:Chowder: [as Jenny turns around with mild annoyance] Detectable movement!
:[Jenny gasps in horror as she sees the house awakening while DJ and Chowder watch in horror behind her; its eye-like windows glare at her, the porch forms into a mouth, and the teeth-like pieces of wood appear in the doorway. Jenny screams and falls backwards, getting stuck in her wagon full of candy. The sidewalk slab below her rumbles, then suddenly shoots out of the ground, held by a pipe, sways back and forth, then tilts; as she rolls forward, another slab rises to catch her; Jenny sits in her wagon, gasping in panic.]
:Chowder: What do we do? What do we do?  
:DJ: Come on!
:[DJ runs along the right side of the sidewalk while Chowder takes the left, as another sidewalk slab catches Jenny, still struggling to free herself from her wagon as the house moves her closer.]
:Jenny: Guys! 
:DJ: Run, Chowder! 
:Chowder: I'm running! 
:[As the sidewalk slabs form a slide, sending Jenny directly towards the porch.]
:Jenny: Help! Please!
:[DJ and Chowder reach the porch, hands held out, as the tongue-like carpet emerges; the two boys grab Jenny's hands as her wagon is swallowed whole; DJ and Chowder both pull Jenny a little roughly.]
:DJ: I got her!  
:Chowder: No, I got her!
:[DJ pulls her so hard that he and Jenny fall backwards to their side, while Chowder falls backwards on his side.]
:Zee: [opening the front door of DJ's house] Hello?!
:[Seeing Zee coming out, the house immediately lowers the sidewalk slabs and goes back to its dormant appearance; on the lawn, Jenny sits up, horrified.]
:Zee: Hey!  
:Jenny: [breathing fearfully, she puts her hand on her heart as DJ, also shaken, turns toward Zee] Oh my god.
:[Jenny turns to face Zee as well.]
:Zee: [holding up the telephone] Hey, there's an angry dad on the phone, looking for the one called Chowder!
:[Chowder, knowing Zee is referring to him, gets to his feet and goes toward her.]
:Zee: Hello! Loser, I'm talking to you!
:[DJ, getting to his feet, turns to Jenny and holds out his hand, helping her to her feet; she briefly looks at him with a thankful smile, to which he smiles back at her, before the two of them walk away from the house; as they go, Jenny glances back at the house, still shaken by what just happened; in the background, Zee holds the phone out for Chowder.]
:Zee: He's worried about you.  
:Chowder: [taking the phone from Zee and going back inside DJ's house] He should be! 
:Zee: [turning to face DJ with her arms folded] Start explaining. 
:DJ: All right, the house-it tried to eat us--
:Zee: [annoyed] OK, stop explaining! I've had enough of this! [pushes past DJ]
:DJ: Wait, wait! Where you are going?
:Zee: [walking towards Nebbercracker's house] I'm going to see what's happening with that stupid house of yours!
:DJ: [grabbing Zee's arm] Wait! No, no, no! You can't!
:Zee: [angrily turning around] What is your problem?! [the house opens its eye behind her]
:DJ: [thinking of something to say to convince Zee not to go near the house] Uh... puberty! Yeah, I'm having lots and lots of puberty.
:[Zee glances over her shoulder at the house, which is now glaring at her, DJ, and Jenny, then turns toward DJ again.]
:Zee: No more Mountain Dew.
:DJ: Right.
:Zee: [walking to her car] I'm going to find Bones.
:DJ: [putting his hand on her shoulder as she goes] All right! Hey, you have fun, okay? Don't worry about us; we'll be fine. And you tell him I said "Hey", okay?
:[Zee pulls her shoulder out of DJ's hand.]
:DJ: Safe driving! See ya!
:[He lowers his head in disappointment. Jenny taps him on the back; he turns around.]
:DJ: Oh! Hi.
:Jenny: You wanna tell me what's going on?
:DJ: Oh, yeah! I-I-I made the whole puberty thing up.
:[Jenny looks at him, confused; DJ, seeing that he hasn't introduced himself yet, extends his hand to her.]
:DJ: Hi! I'm JD-- DJ.
:[Jenny extends her hand and awkwardly shakes DJ's hand.]
==Getting Technical==
:Chowder: [watching from DJ's bedroom window as DJ and Jenny walk towards the house and Zee drives off while he is on the phone with his dad] Yes, dad. I meant to call you, but I forgot. Okay, I'm sorry! Okay. Absolutely. Affirmative. Okay. Love you. Bye. [hangs up the phone as the bedroom door opens and DJ and Jenny enter; Chowder immediately pretends he's on the phone again]
:DJ: And this is our... little observation post... such as it were. [Jenny and DJ both laugh] Yeah. Posters are stupid. I was gonna tear 'em down and... put up some art.
:Chowder: Well, dad, why don't you kiss my hairy butt?! [places the phone on the bed and turns around] Hey, DJ, you got any beer? [he sees Jenny and becomes infatuated all over again] Well, hello there.
:DJ: [to Jenny as Chowder lovingly approaches her and extends his hand] This is Chowder.
:Chowder: [affectionately shakes Jenny's hand with both his hands] Charles to the ladies.
:Jenny: [pulls her hand out of Chowder's grasp] Um... Jenny Bennett. Two-term Class President at West Brook Prep.
:DJ: [points at Chowder] That's a tough school to get into.
:Chowder: Yeah, I got in, but decided not to go.
:Jenny: [looks at Chowder with a frank facial expression] It’s a girls’ school. [DJ grins at Chowder]
:Chowder: [slightly embarrassed] Which is why I... didn’t. [DJ and Jenny simply smile at Chowder] You know, there’s a... there’s a great taco stand near there.
:Jenny: [walks to the window] I hate Mexican food.
:DJ and Chowder: Me, too. [they look at each other in surprise; Jenny pulls down the blinds and gazes out at Nebbercracker's house]
:Chowder: [joining Jenny by the window] Fascinating, isn't it? It just sits there waiting... mocking us with its... [whispers in her ear] houseness.
:Jenny: [disgusted by Chowder's apparent lack of self-control, she turns away from the window] May I please use your phone?
:Chowder: Yeah, sure!
:DJ: [handing Jenny the phone] Here. Who you calling?
:Jenny: My mother.
:Chowder: [nudging DJ] Rude!
:DJ: You know, she's probably not gonna believe you. It's too much for the adult mind to comprehend.
:Jenny: [examining the strange liquid in the bottles on DJ's desk] Um... is this pee? [greatly disgusted] Because if it is, that's really gross! [Chowder gasps in shock and disgust.]
:DJ: Well, it’s... [turning towards Chowder, he looks at him with an embarrassed facial expression]
:Chowder: DJ? [outraged, he glances and points at the urine-filled bottle on the desk] You pee in bottles?!
:DJ: What are you talking about? That one's your pee!
:Chowder: Uh-uh! It’s yours!
:DJ: It’s his!
:Jenny: [trying to block out the argument] May I please speak with Alison? Her daughter.
:Chowder: Unsanitary!
:Jenny: [not interested in their argument] Her daughter. Thank you.
:DJ: It’s his pee!
:Jenny: Excuse me. Mom, I was selling chocolates in Mayville, and, well, it's kind of confusing.
:[Jenny leaves the room. Embarrassed about the urine-filled bottles, DJ grips his desk with his head down while Chowder merely sits on the bed.]
:DJ: [lifting his head up and turns around to face Chowder] So, you hate Mexican food, huh?
:Chowder: [glares at DJ] Yeah. You too, huh?
:DJ: Yeah, in fact, you might say I started hating it first. [stepping forward to his side of the window] Outside in front of the house?
:Chowder: [stands up] Fine. Let's get technical, okay? [he and DJ step closer to each other] I started hating it through the telescope. [pokes DJ slightly]
:DJ: You can't call dibs on a girl through a telescope! [pokes Chowder back]
:Chowder: Well, you can't call dibs on a girl! [pokes DJ more firmly]
:DJ: Just did!
:Chowder: Me too! [the door opens]
:[Jenny re-enters the room, frustrated.]
:Jenny: She didn't believe me.
:Chowder: Authority can be so... [clutches his left armpit and makes a raspberry sound while moving his left arm up and down, making a farting sound; Jenny looks at him before thinking “Ugh, this fat boy is really weird.”; to her left, DJ nods in agreement; Chowder, looks up at Jenny, and makes two more fart sounds; seeing that Jenny doesn’t find his antics funny, he lowers his arm in embarrassment.]
:Jenny: [underwelled] Okay. Normally I don't spend time with guys like you. But a house just tried to eat me, so you've got one hour.
[Hearing barking coming from outside, DJ, Chowder, and Jenny run to the window, where they see a dog barking at Nebbercracker’s house; seeing the dog, Jenny gasps in adoration.]
:Jenny: Oh, a puppy!
:[The dog walks around in a circle on the lawn, eventually sitting there. The house opens its “eyes”, sees the dog, glares at it, then closes its eyes.]
:Chowder: Uh-oh! [The door flies open, the tongue-like carpet comes out with lightning speed, grabs the dog, and pulls it inside; the door quickly closes; in the bedroom, DJ, Chowder, and Jenny are horrified by what they just saw.] Didn't see that coming.
:Jenny: Okay... I think it's time to call the police! [Jenny dials the phone to call the police]
==The Cops Are Here==
:Jenny: [as she, DJ, and Chowder walk across the street towards Nebbercracker's house] Do you realize what's going to happen tonight?
:DJ: [picturing it all too well] Hundreds of kids walking right up to that house.
:Chowder: Wait, wait, wait! Come on, guys! I think we're overreacting. I mean, think about it! Only a total moron would walk up to Old Man Nebbercracker's house. [the door opens and Chowder's ball appeared from the steps] Hey, my ball!
:DJ: Chowder!
:Jenny: No! [the house’s front steps dribble the ball, putting a jack-o-lantern-like sigil on it]
:Chowder: [gulps] It’s gonna be a bloodbath. [a siren wails; the ball disappears into the house’s dark doorway, and the front door closes; two police officers, Landers & Lister, pull up in their car]
:Jenny: Good news! The cops are here.
:Landers: All right, kids, this better be good. I was in the forest wrestling with a bear claw when we got the call. [laughing] I was eating a doughnut!
:Lister: [through speaker] All three of you, step to the car now!
:Chowder: My ears!
:Landers: They're at the car. He's a rookie. First week on the job.
:Jenny: Officer, we have reason to believe that there's a dangerous creature inside that house.
:DJ: It may have already killed a man.
:Chowder: And a dog.
:Lister: Doggy down?! [reaching for the dispatcher] We've got a situation! We've got a situation!
:Landers: [grabbing the dispatcher from him] What are you doing?
:Lister: Calling for backup! Didn't you hear what the kid said? There's a dangerous creature inside that house.
:Landers: We don't have backup! It’s just Judy at the station. And this is no situation. It’s just a couple Tater Tots hopped up on too many Pixy Stix.
:Lister: I bet you the dead dog would beg to differ.
:Landers: What was that?!
:Lister: Nothing.
:Landers: I'll right. Time's up, peewees. It's Halloween. We got things to do.
:Lister: We do?
:Landers: Yeah.
:DJ: No, wait, you can't! All right, this thing, it has a mouth... and it comes out and grabs things and pulls them in and eats them!
:Chowder: Yeah, like this:
:Jenny: Okay, okay, okay! The thing is... we're trying to make this sound more real than it normally would.
:Landers: Problem is it sounds kind of not real. So we'll see you later.
:DJ: No. All right. I'll show you. But if things get out of hand...
:Landers: We'll aim for Bigfoot. That's loaded.
[Dj goes a way down the path and started jumping up and down on the grass.]
:Lister: He's hopping!
[nothing happened, Jenny narrowed her eyes and shakes her head]
:Jenny: Smart house.
:[Chowder throws a stone at the house.]
:Landers: Hey! You-- Both of you! Come here! Bring it to the car! Come on! I'm gonna forget you throwing that rock because that dance was pretty funny. But next time any of you mess with this guy's house... all three of you are going in the hole, you got it? Now, I'll give you ten seconds to march.
:Jenny: But we need your help! It’s your job to help us.
:Landers: One!
:DJ: Come on.
:Landers: Two! Three! [over speaker] Four! Five!
:Chowder: [the police car bumps him in the butt] Ow! That's tender!
:DJ: My house is right over there!
:Jenny: So much for relying on the government.
:Chowder: Yeah, I know. I hate the government! Dude, we're screwed.
:DJ: No, we're not! We'll go to an expert.
==The Source of Life==
:[At the Pizza Freek pizzeria, Reginald Skullinski, or, as most people call him “Skull”, is playing “Thou Art Dead” in the arcade.]
:DJ: You're looking at the three-time, tri-state, over fourteen Thou Art Dead champion. [glances at Jenny] His name is Reginald Skullinski, but they call him "Skull".
:Jenny: Who's "they"?
:Chowder: [putting his arm on Jenny's shoulder] Me and DJ.
:DJ: Yeah.
:Chowder: He's the smartest guy on earth.
:Jenny: So let's go talk to him. [she begins to walk towards the arcade]
:DJ: [stepping in front of her from the left] Hey, Jenny, Jenny!
:Chowder: [coming around Jenny from the right] Hey, Jenny, Jenny, hold on! Hold up! Skull is in the game zone right now! And you don't wanna mess with him when he's in the game zone!
:Jenny: Fine, so how long is he gonna be playing?
:Skull: [pushing the buttons on the game] Die! Die! [DJ and Chowder sigh as they turn around]
:Chowder: Who knows? He once played for four days straight... on one quarter, a gallon of chocolate milk and an adult diaper.
:DJ: The man's a legend.
:Jenny: [evidently not wanting to wait until he finishes] Well, if he's not coming out of the game zone, then we are going in. [puts her hands on DJ and Chowder's backs and gently pushes them forward]
:DJ: What? Hey, what are you--?
:Chowder: Uh, what? Jenny, no.
:Skull: [as DJ, Chowder, and Jenny walk right up to him and silently watch him standing to his right] It’s like you're not gonna-- You're not gonna do it. Like-- You're gonna die. You're gonna die.
:Game: Watch out.
:Skull: [after chopping off two zombies' heads] Did you see that? I just chopped off your head again. Your head's rolling. You can't see it, your eyes are on your head.
:DJ: Sir?
:Skull: [glancing at him with slight annoyance] What? I’m busy playing a video game without even looking at the screen. What?!
:DJ: [glances at Chowder and Jenny then decides to get straight to the point] Okay, Old man Nebbercracker's house is possessed, and I need to know how to destroy it before it comes out and tries to kill people—-
:Skull: Calm down. You make me wanna throw up in some tinfoil and eat it. [now taking on a monstrous dragon] Oh, you like the steel of my blade? It’s so cold. [does a punch gesture] Yah! [turns to the kids again] Possessed house, you say? Hmm. [glances at the screen of his game again] In my travels to the video store and comic-book conventions... I've seen many strange and wondrous things. And I've heard tell of man-made structures... becoming possessed by a human soul... [demonstrates with his hands as he speaks] so that the spirit becomes merged with the wood and brick... creating a rare form of monster... known as Domus Mactabilis!
:DJ: [horrified by the sound of this] The house is Mr. Nebbercracker.
:Chowder: We're its murderous enemies.
:Skull: Have fun getting killed.
:Game: [as the character chops up hulking axe-wielding monstrosities, causing them to spurt blood] Run, coward.
:Skull: Oh, look at that blood.
:DJ: So how do we kill it?
:Skull: [glancing at DJ again] You've gotta strike at the source of life, the heart. [pounds his chest right where his heart is]
:DJ: [he, Chowder, and Jenny are perplexed by this] But houses don't have hearts.
:Skull: Yes!
:Game: Oh, yeah.
:Skull: Yeah. You might be right about that. [his watch beeps] Sorry, children, but I've got some very important business to take care of. I won't be seeing you later. [waves at them, then turns to leave the pizzeria] Uh! [runs back and takes a piece of the chocolate bar Chowder has and eats it, then turns and runs out of the pizzeria]
:Game: Thou art dead.
:[A skeleton dressed in purple robes displayed below the game's title is shown, laughing evilly, as DJ looks at the screen with a feeling of dread. Moments later, DJ, Chowder, and Jenny are walking back to DJ's house, processing the information Skull gave them.]
:Jenny: [sighs] So we need to strike at the heart.
:Chowder: Yeah, but where are we gonna find a heart inside a house?
:DJ: [as they stop in front of his house and glance at the smoking chimney of Nebbercracker's house] Ever since Nebbercracker died... there's been smoke coming out of that chimney.
==Getting Prepared==
:[Inside DJ's house, a diagram of the neighborhood is shown, with Jenny drawing a depiction of Nebbercracker's house.]
:Jenny: [as she draws a model of a heart on the sketch of Nebbercracker's house] The furnace, the furnace is the heart. If we want to put out the fire, we're gonna have to go inside.
:Chowder: Without getting chewed to pieces. [Jenny nods in agreement; Chowder is drawing a model of what looks like a trick-or-treater]
:DJ: [placing his hand on the drawing] Dummy!
:Chowder: Hey! I was just doodling.
:DJ: No, Chowder, this is it! First, we build a dummy. We fill the dummy with a few gallons of cold medicine. You can borrow it from your dad's pharmacy.
:Chowder: [not liking the sound of this] Uh, say what?
:DJ: [drawing an arrow from the "Dummy" to Nebbercracker's house] Feed the dummy to the house, [draws an "X" over the house] house eats the medicine, house goes to sleep...
:Chowder: Look at this!
:DJ: [cont.] We get in there, douse the fire, and get out!
:Chowder: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
:DJ: Questions?
:Chowder: Yes. Um... Are you nuts?! I don't want to steal drugs from my father, I don't want to go inside a monster, and I don't want to die!
:Jenny: I say it's worth a shot.
:Chowder: Yes, I agree! Let's do it!
:[At the pharmacy, Chowder takes several bottles of cold medicine from the shelf, using his cape to carry them, causing some of them to fall to the floor; plastic decorative skeletons cackle at Chowder. Frightened, he screams and runs out of the pharmacy, biking back to DJ's house. Back at DJ's house, DJ pulls a vacuum cleaner out of the closet, and opens the bag, letting out dusty air, much to his and Chowder's disgust. As they put a jacket over the vacuum, Jenny puts a broom through the sleeves, and Chowder puts the bottles of cold medicine in the jacket. In DJ's room, DJ and Chowder turn over a box and spill out three water guns for them and Jenny to use, with Jenny getting the biggest water gun, while Chowder is left with the smallest one.]
:Chowder: [disappointed that Jenny gets the big gun and he gets the little one] Hey, but... I wanted that one. 
:Jenny: [snorts] You've got to be kidding me... [reluctantly switches with Chowder]
:Chowder: All right!
:[DJ also grabs three walkie-talkies for him, Chowder, and Jenny to use, then glances at the golden key that he picked up from Nebbercracker's lawn and puts it in his pocket. Moments later, DJ, Chowder, and Jenny cross the street towards Nebbercracker's house; DJ and Jenny are hiding in two trash cans, while Chowder pushes a third trash can, containing their cold-medicine-filled dummy. As they go, Chowder hums to himself.]
:Jenny: [whispering from inside her trash can] Chowder!
:DJ: Quiet.
:Chowder: Sorry.
:DJ: Go.
:Chowder: Whoopsie-daisy. All right, little vacuum-cleaner dummy, I'm gonna move you into position. You don't be scared. That's not how I trained you. I love you, vacuum-cleaner dummy.
:DJ: Chowder, come on.
:Chowder: [crawls back to his hiding spot] Okay. [DJ knocks on the lid of Jenny's trash can; she emerges, armed with a slingshot, and aims a marble at the doorbell, which hits it, causing it to ring]
:Jenny: Yes. [the house opens its "eyes"]
:Chowder: [high pitched as the house sees the dummy] Trick or treat.
:DJ: [whispering to Chowder] Plug it in. [Chowder holds up the vacuum cleaner cord and the extension cord and puts them together. The vacuum cleaner turns on with a whir and begins moving towards the house. As DJ and Jenny silently watch from their trash cans, Chowder moves the extension cord. The house opens the front door and the "teeth" appear, then the tongue-carpet extends and lays flat. The dummy is just mere inches from the house when the cops drive up. Seeing them, the house immediately retracts its tongue; their car drives right over the extension cord, unplugging it. The house goes dormant as DJ watches the cops drive past and park their car slightly on the curb, then shakes his head in frustration and disappointment.] So close.
==Under Arrest==
:Landers: [opens his car door and steps out of the car, walking towards the kids] Littering! Loitering! Vandalism! Vagrancy!
:Lister: And treason!
:Landers: No, not treason.
:Lister: You sure? Because in the book--
:Landers: I'm sure! All right, kids, out of the trash cans. [DJ and Jenny climb out of their trash cans] Let's go!
:Lister: Come on! You heard the big guy! You see the light, walk towards it! Come on, keep it moving! All right, drop your weapons! Pass them to me. Come on! [DJ, Chowder, and Jenny drop their water guns at his feet] I will shoot you.
:Landers: [looking from the cord to the dummy] Well, lookie we got here! You stay here, I'm checking this out.
:Lister: I am on it! [Landers walks up to the dummy, removes his nightstick from his belt and uses it to knock the mask off the dummy] Y'all think something's funny? [shines his flashlight in Jenny’s eyes as Chowder and DJ watch silently] You testing me? Huh, tough girl? You disrespecting the badge? You don't want none of this. I'm telling you. Test me. Please. [Landers dips his finger in the bottle and puts it in his mouth] Y'all wanna test me? [Landers spits the medicine out and looks over at Lister and the kids] I am the police. [Landers smacks his lips] I know you're a thug. Them brown eyes... [Landers guzzles the medicine and shudders] I see it in your eyes.
:Landers: [turns and walks back to Lister and the kids] That's it! That is it!
:Lister [shining his flashlight in Chowder’s eyes, making him squint] You got something to say, Porky, huh? Dee-buh dee-buh?
:Landers: That's it, we're taking them in!
:Lister: That's what I'm talking about! Where we taking them?
:Landers: [putting his nightstick back in his belt] To jail! Let's go! [DJ, Chowder, and Jenny all gasp in horror at the sound of these words as the officers approach them]
:Lister: [grabs DJ’s and Jenny’s arms and walks them to the police car while Landers goes for Chowder] You hear that? You guys are going to jail!
:DJ: [as Lister opens the car door] But, officer, you've gotta believe us!
:Lister: [forcing DJ into the car] Yeah, yeah, yeah, 2-percent, you got the right to shut up!
:Jenny: Okay, the house is a monster!
:Lister: [pushing Jenny into the car] And to think I believed you!
:Jenny: [as Landers drags Chowder to the car] Ow.
:Chowder: Hey, listen, I'm with you guys. My cousin's a cop in Milwaukee. I mean, kind of a cop. He has a gun.
:Landers: [as Lister gets Chowder into the car] Yeah. They're gonna love you downtown, Jughead.
:Chowder: [as Lister places their water guns at their feet and closes the door] Ow.
:Lister: We, we are supercops!
:Landers: Yeah. That's why I live in a condo.
:Lister: [walking around to his side of the car] Supercop. Super-duper-duper-cop. Super-- [just as he is about to get in the car, he hears a sound coming from the house and looks up] You hear that?
:Landers: Yep. That's my stomach. I'm starving.
:Lister: No, no. No, no. That sounds like the dangerous creature. I'm gonna go check it out. [closes his car door and excitedly runs up to the house]
:Landers: Oh, my gosh. This is like trying to wrangle a puppy. All right, I'll be back. [closes his car door with annoyance and follows Lister to the house]
:DJ, Chowder, and Jenny: [pounding on the window and shouting] You guys, stop! Hey, guys! No! Get out of there! No, don't go in there!
:[Lister positions himself on the right of the front door with his gun at the ready as Landers walks to the left side with an annoyed sigh.]
:Lister: Psst. [makes some subtle hand and body movements and looks at Landers]
:Landers: [stares blankly at him] What?
:Lister: Shh! [moves away from the door] I tell you. [rolls to the left side of the lawn while humming] Super-roll.
:DJ, Chowder, and Jenny: Stop! Stop! Hey. Hey. Come on! You don't know what's up with that house!
:Landers: [hears clattering coming from the house] Huh? [walks down the steps to the right-hand side of the house]
:Lister: Where you at, spooky creature? Huh? I'm gonna find you. [suddenly, the grass comes towards him; he jumps, breathing heavily, he brandishes his gun and flashlight] Freeze... tree. [he walks closer to the tree; without warning, it bends down and takes his gun, causing him to freak out and run for it] Hey, what you doing? You can't do that. Not to an officer, brother. That is illegal! [The tree grabs Lister. In the police car, DJ, Chowder, and Jenny scream.]
:Landers: [hearing his partner scream, he runs around to the front of the house] I'm coming, buddy!
:Lister: [as he struggles in the branches] Put me down!
:Landers: I’m gonna go get backup!
:Lister: I thought there was no backup!
:Landers: [pointing at the car while looking up at Lister] I'm getting Judy! [he turns and runs for the car; unfortunately, the house’s tongue-like carpet comes out as the house glares at him and grabs him around the waist, causing him to fall onto the lawn] Judy! [the carpet drags him into the house; DJ, Chowder, and Jenny gasp in shock, then look in horror at Lister as he screams]
:Lister: Heeeeeelp! [the tree throws him into the open front door] Mama! [the house snaps its “mouth” closed]
==Staying Calm==
:Chowder: [as he, DJ, and Jenny look up, out the window] Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God! I think I'm having a stroke!
:Jenny: Just try to stay calm, okay? We'll be alright if we just stay calm.
:[Suddenly, the tree closest to the car slams down and grabs it; DJ, Chowder, and Jenny all scream and clamor as the branches wrap themselves around the car, smashing the back window, then lift it off the ground. The house roars ravenously.]
:Chowder: I'm too young to die! [the next tree grabs hold of the car, moving it closer to the house, which roars again; DJ, Jenny, and Chowder scream again as the house extends its teeth over the porch and starts chomping on the car] Jenny, [fearfully puts his hand on her leg] I've always loved you!
:Jenny: [screams as the car is chomped in half] Chowder!
:Chowder: [removing his hand from her leg] Sorry! [as the front half of the car goes down the throat, the tongue-like carpet grabs the rear half of the car, pulling it towards the throat; the trio carefully kick their water guns out to the sides] I can't look! Mommy!
:[The car's rear half tilts downwards into the throat, where the numerous teeth are eager to feast on the car and its three youthful passengers.]
:DJ: [glancing out the broken rear window as Chowder and Jenny sit there, paralyzed with fear] Guys, come on, let's go! Whoa! [DJ, Chowder, and Jenny jump out the rear window as the car goes down the throat and make a run for the door; before they can get out the door, it closes, trapping them inside]
:[Outside, the house returns to its dormant state, as a cracked side of the house, most likely serving as the "ear", closes. Inside, DJ, Chowder, and Jenny stand at the front door, all whimpering and shaking, as they turn around to see the pieces of wood that make up the throat close and the carpet return to its original position.]
:Chowder: [as DJ and Jenny regain their nerves] We're dead. You've killed us, and now we're dead!
:DJ: Shh! I don't think the house knows that we're in here. I bet it thinks we're still in the car.
:Jenny: [points her gun upwards, DJ does the same] Listen. It sounds like it's sleeping.
:DJ: [walking forward] The only way that we're gonna get out of here alive is if we find the heart, we put out the fire.
:Chowder: Maybe we should examine our other options?
:DJ: [turning around and shining his flashlight in Chowder's face] Sure. Other option: We wait here, and do nothing until it wakes up and eats us.
:Chowder: [shielding his eyes and realizing they really don't have much choice] Find the heart, put out the fire. Got it. Explosives. That's so cool.
:DJ: He was watching me.
:Jenny: DJ. [Dj turns to Jenny who sees photos on the wall] Did you ever see a wife?
:DJ: People used to say he had one, but he fattened her up... and he ate her.
:Jenny: Ew.
:DJ: "Demolition squad."
:Chowder: Sorry.
:DJ: Come on.
:Jenny: Be quiet.
:Chowder: Don't worry, I have a very light step. There. Right there. Shoot it!
:[They squirt a lantern filled with glowing orbs, but as they did. the house groaned. The door flew open and a puddle of water spew everywhere. The 'eyes' open, casting a shadow in the house.]
==Monkey Shines==
:DJ: Shh. [Jenny is a little scared, too, but keeps her nerves together]
:Chowder: What? I thought if I shot the heart, that--
:Jenny: That's not the heart.
:Chowder: Then what is it?
:Jenny: Well, if those are the teeth and that's the tongue... then that must be the uvula.
:Chowder: Oh. So it's a girl house.
:Jenny: What? No. It stimulates the gag reflex. Everyone has a uvula.
:Chowder: Not me.
:[The house slowly returns to normal as the hole closed, eyes slipped closed and the carpet tongue setting.]
:DJ: Okay. Let's move. We need to move quickly and quietly. Don't touch anything. And stay together-- Aah!
:Jenny: DJ! Wait!
:Chowder: DJ!!!
:Chowder: I'll save you...!
:Jenny: Chowder, knock it off!
:Chowder: Sorry. I thought you were-- DJ! [he squirts a monkey cymbal toy]
:Jenny: Chowder, it's a toy!
:Chowder: Oh, yeah.
:Jenny: Where's DJ? DJ!
:DJ: Over here.
:Chowder: Whoa. Look at all these toys!
:Jenny: This must be where Nebbercracker kept his stash.
:Chowder: [chuckles] "Stash!"
:DJ: I think you guys should have a look at this.
:[Rust bars gleamed. It had a heavy chain that pulled two sections together. A rusty heart padlock locked the chain. A chipped and worn sign says: 'Constance, the Giantess!'.]
:DJ: "Constance, the giantess." [looking closely he touched the heart lock and the cover opens] The key.
:[He takes the key out]
:Jenny: Come on, DJ, we don't have time for this.
:Chowder: Yeah, we've gotta find a way out of here. [DJ puts the key in the lock. It fits perfectly, and the lock falls to the ground. He slowly opens the rusted doors wide and they enter inside] What are you doing? We have a Ping-Pong table in our basement.
==Balls and Coils==
:[As they investigate the circus cage, DJ, Chowder, and Jenny gasp in horror and shock as they shine their flashlights on the cement-coated remains of a fat woman.]
:DJ: Constance...
:Chowder: Holy moly. He really did eat her.
:DJ: [examining the remains closely] Couldn't have. Her whole body is buried in cement. [looking around, they see that Nebbercracker made a sort-of makeshift memorial for her, consisting of flowers, candles, and pictures]
:Jenny: Look at all this stuff. Why would he build a shrine if he murdered her?
:Chowder: Maybe he just felt guilty or something. DJ, can we please just get out of here?
:DJ: [not taking his eyes off the remains] Shh! [he steps closely to the corpse]I always knew you were hiding something, Mr. Nebbercracker.
:[Without warning, DJ loses his balance and falls right onto the remains, coming nose-to-nose with the cement-covered corpse, which immediately begins to crumble; he screams and stands up in horror.]
:Jenny: DJ!
:Chowder: [as he and Jenny pull DJ to his feet] Way to go, big nose!
:[The body crumbles, revealing a big-boned skeleton. DJ, Chowder, and Jenny keep their flashlights focused on the remains. Outside, the house opens its "eyes" as it begins to rumble. A brick falls near DJ, Chowder, and Jenny, causing them all to yelp and whimper.]
:Jenny: It's awake!
:DJ: Run!
:[The three kids run out of the circus cage and and a beam shines down and finds them.]
:Jenny: Hide!
:[The kids take cover among the numerous toys.]
:Chowder: [hearing a familiar sound] Hey, I know that sound. [he turns around to see his ball bouncing] My ball! [he goes after the ball] Where are you going? Come here.
:DJ: Chowder, come back!
:Chowder: You get back here! [catches the ball] Gotcha! [brushes some dust off his shoulder then looks up to see several springs descending towards him] Killer Slinkies!
:DJ: Chowder! [hears Jenny shriek and turns to see her being attacked by a pipe]
:Jenny: Aah! Leave me alone! [she runs into another snapping pipe; the two pipes corner her against the wall as a bigger, third pipe descends towards her and sucks her in feet first] DJ! [DJ runs to the staircase into the basement] Help!
:DJ: Oh, no. [terrified, he stepped up to the stairs until the steps snapps. He pulled free and climb up to the staircase and foudn himself in the main room. Jenny appears out of the pipe] Jenny! [he looks to see Chowder, about to be eaten by the throat]
:Jenny: Chowder.
:DJ: Come on, Chowder, grab on! Gotcha!
:Jenny: DJ, look out! [Dj was screaming. The carpet tongue flings DJ to the hole DJ grabs on to Chowder] No! The uvula. [she jumps on the' uvula and lost her grip and falls and grabbedonto Dj the ulava hits the ceiling, cracking, the throat started to fill with water] DJ!
:DJ: Chowder!
:Chowder: Aah! Mommy!
:[he holds his breath as the water rises, with DJ, Chowder and Jenny are floating up and the house throws up letting them out]
==A Ghost!==
:[Coughing and soaking wet, DJ rolls onto his front.]
:Jenny: Gross!
:Chowder: Um... did we just get upchucked?
:Jenny: The uvula, nature's emergency exit. [glances at the house, which is now looking sick]
:Chowder: [angrily getting to his feet] That's it! Another great idea, DJ! Brilliant!
:DJ: What do you want from me, Chowder? I don't see you coming up with any big ideas!
:Chowder: [pointing his finger at DJ] Oh, yeah? Yeah? Do you want to hear my big idea? I'm going home to make a pretzel sandwich! See ya!
:DJ: [following Chowder as he storms away] Chowder, the house is still alive, and you're gonna wuss out?!
:Chowder: [turning to face DJ] I risked my life for you! I stole for drugs for you! And I could've died in there!
:DJ: Oh, yeah, me too!
:Chowder: Yeah, but you're the one who killed Nebbercracker in the first place!
:DJ: Getting your stupid ball back--
:Jenny: [stepping in and pushing DJ and Chowder apart] You guys! Stop fighting! You're acting like babies.
:DJ: [as Chowder scowls at Jenny] We are babies! What were we thinking? We tried to put a house to sleep with cold medicine. How lame can you get? [walks away from Chowder and Jenny]
:Chowder: Where are you going?
:DJ: [looking back at Chowder and Jenny] I'm going home. I suck.
:[As DJ steps into the street, an ambulance pulls up in front of the house, hitting DJ slightly, knocking him to the ground.]
:Jenny: [as she and Chowder run up to him] DJ!
:Chowder: At least it's an ambulance. [DJ slowly wakes up] DJ?
:[DJ gasps and backs away from the ambulance; the driver's door opens, and a boot emerges from the vehicle. DJ peers around as the mysterious driver walks toward him. A figure dressed in a hospital gown and wearing a sling on his left arm walks into the beams of the headlights and glares at DJ with a growl; he gasps in horror. The person is revealed to be Nebbercracker. He growls at DJ again. A rock is thrown at him; he turns his attention to Chowder, who just threw the rock.]
:Chowder: [as he and Jenny stand there, staring at Nebbercracker in horror] It's a ghost! [grabbing another rock and throwing it] Begone! Fly!
:Nebbercracker: Begone yourself! Get away! [walks to his house]
:DJ: [realizing it's really Nebbercracker and standing up in relief] He's not a ghost! He's not dead! I'm not a murderer!
:Nebbercracker: [turning around to face DJ and the other two] Of course I'm not dead. Who said I was dead? You'll be dead if you don't scram!
:Chowder and Jenny: Come on, DJ!
:Nebbercracker: Don't you know what... day this is? [looks to his left to see children in Halloween costumes accompanied by their parents a short distance away] I'm running out of time. I'm running out of time. [glances at his house] Honey? I'm home. [he walks toward the house; it opens and closes the door in a welcoming fashion and ruffles its shingles] Oh, look at you, dear. Your shingles are all ruffled. And your windows are cracked. [he bends down to the box of explosives] Oh, but it’s no problem, sweetheart. It’s no problem at all.
:DJ: [as he, Chowder, and Jenny watch Nebbercracker approach his house] It’s her. The house is her. [he starts to go after Nebbercracker]
:Jenny: DJ, what are you doing?
:Chowder: [as DJ glances at them] Come on!
:Jenny: Come back!
:Chowder: Where are you going?! [DJ merely turns around and follows Nebbercracker]
:Nebbercracker: [extending his hand to his house, which is still happy to see him returning home] Nothing paint and varnish can’t handle.
:DJ: Mr. Nebbercracker!
:[Nebbercracker turns around to face DJ as he approaches while his house glares at him]
:DJ: I know about Constance.
:Nebbercracker: [as the house opens her “eyes” upon hearing DJ] You what? What do you know? You don’t know anything!
:[DJ goes silent, unsure how to explain it; Nebbercracker realizes there’s only one way he could know.]
:Nebbercracker: You were in my house?!
:[Outraged, he approaches DJ and grabs him.]
:Nebbercracker: You...
:[DJ stops Nebbercracker from taking his anger out on him again; he promptly calms down and looks DJ in the face]
:DJ: You didn’t kill her, did you?
:Nebbercracker: [softening and seemingly thinking back, he shakes his head] I love her so much.
:[Shift to the past, when Nebbercracker was a young adult.]
==Constance Trouble==
:[Nebbercracker is sitting among a group of spectators at the circus. On the stage, Contance was presented, however, the kids started making fun of her weight and threw eggs at her. She yells in anger and falls to her knees. Night fell and she was in her cage.]
:Nebbercracker: Hello? It's okay. I can take you away from here. Would you like that?
:Constance: Yes.
:Nebbercracker: There we go. Won't be long now. [he attached the cage to his truck and drive off. The next morning, he shows her a building plot for sale] All right. Okay, open your eyes. -Now, it's not much, I know, but just-
:Constance: Darling. [She picks up Nebbercracker as they build their house together. The house was only half built a few days ago. Constance comes downstairs with something throwing eggs at the house.] Get away from my house! I'm gonna rip them to bits. [Young Nebbercracker was cutting the caravan with his axe until Constance runs to view.] Help! 
:Nebbercracker: Constance.
:Constance: Help! Help!
:Nebbercracker: What's wrong? Are you hurt?
:Constance: Hurt? Yes, I'm hurt. Those criminals are attacking our house! [pointing at two boys holding eggs, hiding in the bushes]
:Boy #1: Trick or treat.
:Nebbercracker: Now, now... they're just kids, dear. It's Halloween.
:Constance: No, no, no. it's my house, and they're hurting me!
:Nebbercracker: Constance, look at me. Look at me. As long as I'm here, I will never let anyone hurt you. [however, the boys continue to throw eggs at her Contance grabbed his ax] Contance.
:Constance: You vandals! You hooligans! I'll get you.
:Nebbercracker: Constance, no!
:[Nebbercracker tries to grab her arm, but she pulls free, causing him to fall over aside. His fall causes her to lose balance. She grabs the cement mixer's lever, but pulls the lever, loses her grip, and falls into the pit, yelling. As she falls, the cement mixer pours cement all over her.]
=="Let Her Go"==
:[A shot of the completed house is shown, before shifting to its present-day appearance, still in the past.]
:Nebbercracker: [narrating] So, I finished the house. She would've wanted that. [one of the kids who accidentally caused Constance's death rides by on a bike carrying a bunch of newspapers, one of which he throws at the house] She died, but she didn't leave. [Without warning, the newspaper is thrown back at the boy, knocking him off his bike. Nebbercracker is then hammering the "Beware" sign into the ground before walking back to his house.] And that night... that one night of every year, I-- I had to take precautions. [a trio of young boys in Halloween costumes sneak up to the sign]
:Boy #1: Trick or treat! [they throw rocks at the illuminated second floor window on the right; inside, Nebbercracker is putting together the "Keep Away" sign]
:Boy #2: Sucker.
:Nebbercracker: I had to. [the rocks clatter against the window, getting Nebbercracker's attention] I had to. [he lets go of the sign while throwing his hammer aside then walks to the window and shakes his fists at the kids outside while yelling at them] Hey! Get a- [waves his arms furiously] Stay away from my house! [returning to the present; Nebbercracker looks from his house to DJ] She attacks anyone who comes near. [calmly pats DJ] Go. I-I'm coming, dear! [he walks toward his house slowly before turning toward DJ and speaks more firmly] Go! 
:DJ: No, no, no! Wait! [runs up to him] I can't let you do this, Mr. Nebbercracker! I know you've been protecting us all these years! But now it's our turn to protect you! Let her go! 
:Nebbercracker: [turns around to look at his house, which is looking at him sadly before glaring at DJ; the trees start to attach themselves to Constance as Nebbercracker looks sadly at DJ] But if I let her go, I'll have no one. 
:DJ: That's not true.
:[He holds out his hand, and Nebbercracker takes it; observing this, Constance gets really furious. The tree to the house's left breaks free from the lawn and bends upwards like a hand; the tree on the right does the same. The house slams her "hands" on the ground and roars furiously as DJ and Nebbercracker run away.]
:Nebbercracker: Constance, NO! [as DJ pulls him along as fast as he can, Nebbercracker picks up the box of explosives; behind them, Constance struggles and pulls herself out of the ground and gives chase]
:Jenny: [as DJ and Nebbercracker run to her and Chowder, Nebbercracker throws the box of explosives aside] Come on! 
:Chowder: THE HOUSE IS ALIVE! [Runs after DJ, Jenny, and Nebbercracker as Constance knocks down a streetlight; Nebbercracker yelps as they run. The house then knocks down two power lines, trapping the four of them.]
:DJ: [notices a gate just a few feet away] This way, this way! Come on! [runs to the gate and opens it] You guys, come on! [He runs down the newly opened route as the house gets closer. Jenny and Nebbercracker follow DJ as quickly as they can; Chowder, on the other hand, tries to lock the gate as the house reaches it.]
:Nebbercracker: [running back to get Chowder] What are you doing?! 
:Chowder: Trying to slow the house down! 
:Nebbercracker: [pushing Chowder along] Move it, pork chop! 
:[As Chowder and Nebbercracker run after DJ and Jenny, the house continues her furious pursuit, destroying everything in her path; Chowder and Jenny yelp and scream as the house keeps coming towards them; as Chowder, Jenny, and Nebbercracker run past a dumpster, DJ pushes it into the house's path, hoping that will stop her; unfortunately, the house rips the dumpster to shreds.]
:DJ: [noticing Nebbercracker is getting tired from running] Come on, Mr. Nebbercracker! Come on! 
:Nebbercracker: [out of breath and obviously still very weak from his recent visit to the hospital, he walks to a trash can to rest] I can't. 
:DJ: [the house is just feet from them now] Mr. Nebbercracker, hurry!
:Nebbercracker: [pushing DJ's hand aside] Go on! I'll be alright. 
:[Understanding Nebbercracker needs to rest, DJ runs down the street as the house goes past Nebbercracker. DJ, Chowder, and Jenny run down the street in the direction of the construction site as the house is right behind them; reaching the gate, DJ jumps right over it, Chowder climbs over the right side, while Jenny turns around, lifts herself up onto the wall, and carefully spins herself around.]
==Gaping Maw==
:DJ: [turning around as Chowder rolls to the ground over the wall and Jenny lands safely on the sidewalk] What are you waiting for? Come on!
:[The three run across the street to the Mayville Towers sign as the house gets closer. DJ and Chowder raise the planks that make up the fence, allowing Jenny to crawl under it. Constance knocks down a tree and is just inches away as DJ crawls under the fence, and roars at Chowder as he turns to crawl under as well. All of a sudden, a brick is thrown at the house, hits the roof, bounces off, and to the ground; the house, feeling the attack from behind, turns around to face Nebbercracker, who had just thrown the brick at her.]
:Nebbercracker: You stay away from those children, Constance! [enraged, Constance charges toward Nebbercracker and roars in his face; as he cowers, she calms down and holds back] Constance.
:DJ: [watching from the safety of the fence] Mr. Nebbercracker...
:Nebbercracker: [approaching the house] Whoa, now. There, there, girl. [extends his hand to stroke the front steps] Oh, my sweet. You've been a bad girl, haven't you? You've hurt people. [Constance starts to feel ashamed of herself] Oh, Constance. Oh, we've always known this day would come. Haven't we? [the house looks at him full of remorse] I-I have to make things right. I have to make things right. [he reaches into his sling, and pulls out a dynamite along with two matches; the house, seeing the dynamite, growls and backs away from him] Constance... I-I've always done what's best for you, haven't I? Haven't I, girl? [the house gives an affirmative growl]
:DJ: [as he and Jenny sneak off] Come on, let's move. [Chowder yelps as they pull him away from the fence]
:Nebbercracker: [holding a match in his hand and extending it to the front steps] Oh, Constance. [he lights the match on the front steps; the house gasps, realizing what he is about to do, as he holds the lit match inches away from the dynamite's fuse] Let this be the right thing to do.
:[Constance furiously grabs Nebbercracker, causing him to drop the match as he cowers; suddenly the excavator's horn blares, and its lights come on. DJ, Chowder, and Jenny, behind the controls of the excavator, come crashing through the fence, knocking down the sign.]
:DJ: Leave him alone!
:Chowder: Yeah! Get your grubby branches off the old man! [Chowder yells as he pulls the machine's lever, raising the backhoe and smashing it into the house] Take that! [with another roar, he pushes the lever, destroying the left side of the porch with the backhoe] And that! [the house roars in pain and angrily throws Nebbercracker to the ground then turns her attention to the excavator]
:DJ: [jumping out of the excavator to help him] Mr. Nebbercracker! [behind him, Chowder continues attacking the house with the excavator]
:Nebbercracker: [as DJ kneels down in front of him] Oh, kid. Come here. [picks up the dynamite and two matches and holds them out to DJ] Take this.
:DJ: [standing up, evidently shocked that Nebbercracker is giving him something extremely dangerous like dynamite] What?
:Nebbercracker: You have to help me, please. I know you can do it! [DJ, understanding that Nebbercracker is asking this of him because he's younger and much stronger, takes the dynamite and matches] Go on! Go! Hurry! [DJ runs to the front of the house]
:Jenny: [seemingly impressed by Chowder's ability to operate machinery] How do you know to drive this thing?
:Chowder: I don't! [he smashes the house with the backhoe once more]
:DJ: [looking up at the chimney] The chimney! The chimney leads to the heart! [he strikes one of the matches along the dynamite]
:[The aggravated house grabs the excavator and tilts it, causing Jenny to lose her balance and fall out.]
:Chowder: Jenny! [Jenny screams as she falls into the empty lake and out of sight]
:[Meanwhile, DJ has just lit the match. However, before he has a chance to light the dynamite, the house slams the ground right where he's standing, sending him flying, then rolling and tumbling into the lake as well, right towards Jenny as she lays on her front.]
==Under Destruction==
:[DJ lands right in the lakebed, though his legs land on Jenny.]
:DJ and Jenny: Ow! [Jenny groans and coughs]
:DJ: [realizing he's landed right on Jenny, he gets his legs off her butt and gets to his feet] Jenny, are you all right?
:Jenny: [slightly disheveled] I'm not sure!
:DJ: Oh. [grabs the dynamite and walkie-talkie, both of which he dropped upon landing in the lakebed, while Jenny continues coughing]
:Jenny: [seeing the dynamite in DJ's hands as he glances from the dynamite to the nearby crane] DJ! Get rid of that thing!
:DJ: I'm working on it! [glances up at the excavator, still dealing with the house, and points at the crane] Chowder, I need you to get the house down under that crane! [Chowder looks over his shoulder at the crane] You think you can do that?
:Chowder: Piece of cake! [screams in fury and operates the levers, clamping onto the house's "mouth" with the backhoe]
:DJ: Come on! [together, he and Jenny run for the crane]
:[On the edge of the cliff, Chowder and Constance are still locked in battle.]
:Chowder: You think you can just mess with my friends?! [the excavator starts to go over the edge, down the slope]
:Jenny: [hears Chowder scream and glances back at the house and excavator as she and DJ are running] DJ, look!
:[The excavator, still holding tightly on the house, which is gripping the slope firmly, goes over the edge, onto the slope. Suddenly, the excavator loses its hold on the house and goes rolling down the slope, with a screaming Chowder still on board. The house follows, but begins to lose her balance. The excavator flies over the mounds of dirt and comes to a complete stop, as the house begins to fall apart.]
:Chowder: [whimpers] Mommy! [the house crumbles as it reaches the lakebed]
==Reassembled==
:DJ: [on the walkie-talkie] Chowder! Come in, Chowder! Chowder, buddy? 
:Chowder: Hey, guys! Look who just won! It’s me, the screwup!
:DJ: Way to go, Chowder, you did it!
:Chowder: Look at me! Look at Chowder! Oh, yeah! Whoo!
:DJ: Sorry.
:Chowder: Guys, come on! Yay! Yes! Look at me!
:[All of a sudden, the broken wood starts to rebuild. It no longer looks like a house, it looks like a giant gnarled and ragged version of the house made of broken wood, fractured glass, and twisted steel. The chimney is all that remains.]
:Chowder: You can't do that! That's not fair! [DJ makes his way to the crane and started climbing to the top. Chowder was being pushed backwards by the unrecognizable house] Get on the top! Help!
:DJ: That's it, Chowder! Keep her coming!
:Chowder: You ain't nothing! You're a shack! You're an outhouse! 
:
:
:
:[The monster bites down the digger's arm and tips him over. Chowder holds on as DJ and Jenny climb on. The digger arm snapped off and grabs the digger. Chowder screams and then falls to the ground with a thud. Glass rain down around Chowder as he stepped away breaking the glass. The monster chases Chowder. DJ arrived at the top to see Chowder being chased by the monster.]
:DJ: I can't!
:Jenny: [puts her hands on DJ’s shoulders] Yes, you can! [closes her eyes and kisses DJ, then smiles passionately at him as he turns towards the crane arm again] Go!
DJ: [stunned but delighted after being kissed by Jenny, he climbs onto the crane arm with Jenny right behind him] I kissed a girl! I kissed a girl on the lips!
:
:
:Chowder: Guys! Any time now! Sorry!
:Jenny: DJ, hurry!
==Dynamite==
:[Chowder screams as the house snaps its “teeth” at the hem of his cape, eventually grabbing it and lifting Chowder off the ground.]
:Chowder: I’m flying!
:DJ: [as the house lifts Chowder higher] On the count of three, I want you to light the dynamite!
:Jenny: [taking the dynamite and the remaining match from DJ as he climbs down onto the crane] Okay, I got it!
:[Down below, the house still has Chowder. Desperately, he unties his cape, falling to the ground. The house, not interested in the cape, gets rid of it and rounds on Chowder.]
:DJ: [as Chowder turns around and fearfully backs away from the house on his hands] One!
:Jenny: [frantically striking the match along the crane arm in order to light it] Come on, come on, come on!
:DJ: [as Jenny gets the match lit] Two!
:Jenny: Yes! [she puts the lit match up to the dynamite’s fuse, lighting it]
:DJ: Thr-- [he accidentally pushes a lever on the crane, causing it to lower quickly as he screams]
:Jenny: DJ! [as DJ swings on the crane, Jenny stands up, still holding the lit dynamite]
:DJ: [swinging upwards, lining himself up with Jenny] Three!
:[Jenny throws the dynamite to him; DJ grabs it, and swings on the crane, narrowly avoiding the house’s teeth, and grabs onto the crane’s tower. Lining himself up with the house, he pushes off from the tower; the house tries to grab him, but misses. Swinging right above the chimney, DJ throws the dynamite into it; the dynamite falls down the chimney, into the flames of the furnace. Chowder quickly gets to his feet while turning around, and runs as fast as he can to get away from the house. DJ swings down and grabs Chowder by the back, carrying him to safety. The house’s mouth trembles weakly, then opens it wide; the dynamite explodes, producing a massive fireball, and sending bricks and pieces of wood flying in all directions. Still swinging on the crane, DJ drops Chowder into a pit and jumps in after him; DJ and Chowder simultaneously land in the pit and cover their heads as pieces of wood fly over them. Watching from the crane arm high above, Jenny shields her eyes. The fireball produced by the dynamite’s explosion illuminates the entire neighborhood, eventually becoming just a massive cloud of smoke.]
==When the smoke clears==
:[Jenny climbs down from the crane and walks to the ditch DJ and Chowder jumped into. As she walks up to the pit, DJ and Chowder emerge from it; DJ climbs out and turns around as he stands next to Jenny, facing Chowder, who raises his arms victoriously.]
:DJ: Do you guys hear something? It’s over there. Come on.
=="We're Free"==
:[Nebbercracker and Constance’s ghost approach each other and dance.]
:Nebbercracker: Oh, my dear. [Constance’s ghost laughs and then ascends and fades away as Nebbercracker realizes she has gone on to Heaven] Goodbye.
:[DJ, Chowder, and Jenny sympathetically watch as a tearful Nebbercracker drops to his knees. DJ approaches him as he extends his hand to the only thing left of his house, a fragment of the door with the doorknob, and holds it up to his face.]
:DJ: I’m... sorry, Mr. Nebbercracker, about your house... and your wife... your housewife.
:Nebbercracker: [looks upwards into DJ’s face] 45 years... we have been trapped for 45 years. [grabs DJ’s wrist] And now... we’re free. [gets to his feet and laughs] We’re free! [embraces DJ in gratitude as Jenny and Chowder approach] Oh, thank you, friend! Thank you all! [Chowder and Jenny look at him with smiles of “You’re welcome.”] We’re free! [Jenny and Chowder join in the embrace; the screen pans up to show a view of the neighborhood]
:[A few minutes later, Eliza, dressed in a flower costume and holding a plastic pumpkin, growls and runs toward a line of kids gathered at the site of Nebbercracker’s house to reclaim their confiscated belongings.]
:DJ: Here you go.
:Kid: Thanks.
:DJ: Happy Halloween. Next.
:Eliza: [walking up to DJ and gazing at the pit left by Nebbercracker’s house] What happened to Nebbercracker’s house?
:DJ: [looks at the pit then turning to Eliza again] It turned into a monster, so I blew it up.
:Eliza: [nodding as if to say “I see.”, then holding up her plastic pumpkin] Trick or treat!
:DJ: [turning towards Nebbercracker] We’re gonna need a tricycle.
:Nebbercracker: [producing the dismantled tricycle from the day before] One tricycle coming up. [reattaches the front wheel before handing the tricycle to Chowder]
:Chowder: [handing the tricycle to Jenny] Tricycle.
:Jenny: [handing the tricycle to DJ] Tricycle.
:DJ: [handing the tricycle to Eliza] Tricycle.
:Eliza: Hello, tricycle. I missed you so much! [getting on her tricycle and glancing back at Nebbercracker] Thank you, mister!
:Eliza’s mom: Bye now.
:DJ: Happy Halloween.
:[As Eliza rides away on her tricycle with her mom walking alongside her, a car drives up in the background; it’s Jenny’s mom, Alison Bennett, arriving to bring her daughter home.]
:Mrs. Bennett: Jenny!
:Jenny: [stepping up past DJ, followed by Chowder, and waving to her] There’s my mom. [holds up her finger and speaks silently] One sec.
:Mrs. Bennett: [seeing that her daughter wants to say a quick goodbye to her new friends] Okay.
:Jenny: [turns around to face DJ and Chowder and slowly walks towards them] So, um... we should hang out again... [smiles fondly at them as her and Chowder's, and presumably DJ’s as well, eyes widen] ...soon. [hugs DJ and Chowder simultaneously; the two boys close their eyes and smile as Jenny wraps her arms around them]
:DJ and Chowder: [dreamily as they open their eyes] Yeah.
:Jenny: [opens her eyes, then removes her hands from DJ and Chowder’s necks and backs away from them while giving them a goodbye hand gesture] See ya. [turns and runs to her mom’s car; DJ and Chowder both smile passionately at Jenny as they wave goodbye to her, Chowder sighs with affection; she glances back at them and waves again as she gets into the car] Good luck with the puberty.
:Chowder: [looks at DJ as Jenny closes the car door] She grabbed my butt. [he laughs as he says “butt”]
:DJ: [turns and pats Chowder on the shoulder as he watches Jenny and her mom drive off] That’s nice, Chowder. [turning towards the crater where Nebbercracker’s house used to be] Hey, Mr. Nebbercracker, it’s time to go!
:Nebbercracker: [looking at all the remaining children’s possessions while holding Chowder’s basketball] Oh, you go on. I’ve got some work to do. [throws the ball to Chowder]
:Chowder: [catching the ball] All right! Thanks.
:Nebbercracker: I’ll see you around.
:DJ and Chowder: All right, bye. [they turn to leave]
:Nebbercracker: Hey. [they glance back at him; he wags a finger at them while giving them a stern look] Stay off my lawn. [smiles at them and laughs] I’m just kidding. [DJ and Chowder both laugh]
:DJ: [as they walk back to his house on the other side of the street] You think he’ll be okay?
:Chowder: Oh, yeah. He'll be fine. He’ll go on vacation, get some color. And maybe he’ll meet someone new. This time, maybe a nice beach house.
==Trick or Treat==
:[DJ’s parents have just returned; his mom is opening the trunk to get the giant toothbrush out of it, and his dad is getting out of the car as DJ and Chowder approach.]
:Chowder: Hey, DJ, look who's here.
:DJ: Yes, I can see that, thank you.
:Chowder: No biggie.
:Mr. Walters: Hey, boys.
:DJ: Hey, Dad.
:Mrs. Walters: What the heck kind--? No, don't tell me. Let me guess. It’s... Dirty pirates?
:DJ: That's it. Dirty pirates.
:Chowder: Arr.
:Mrs. Walters: Fun, fun. Oh, you look adorable. [playfully rubs Chowder’s hair] Have fun tonight. [closes the trunk]
:[Chowder dribbles his ball, then throws it at the hoop, where it gets stuck, showing the jack-o-lantern depiction Nebbercracker’s house put on it.]
:Chowder: You know, you’re right. We're definitely too old for trick-or-treating.
:DJ: Oh, yeah. No question about it. On the other hand... we've been working all night.
:Chowder: Candy time?
:DJ: Candy time.
:Chowder: We're back! Yes! Candy!
[Chowder lumbers down the street as DJ follow after him. Lights glow behidn the windows form the houses as children celebrate Halloween.]
:[Lister and Landers emerge from the pit when the house had eaten them.]
:Lister: Uh, did we just get--?
:Landers: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s Halloween, right? What do you say you and l go out and “inspect” some candy, huh? [both laugh]
:Lister: We should go eat some candy too.
:Landers: That's a good idea. Okay. All right. Let's go eat some candy. Lots of yummy candy.
:Lister: Like carrots.
:Landers: All right, where's the car?
:[In the next shot, Skull and Zee are sitting at the hood of the car.]
:Skull: And that is how I slayed that mystical dragon.
:Zee: Oh, yeah? That's great.
:Bones: Come on, baby. We're out of here.
:Zee: Uh... Not so fast, Bones. Times have changed. Skull's not like you. He gives me the respect I deserve.....and makes time for me.
:Bones: Whatever. [he leaves]
:Zee: Bones!
:[In the last shot, the dog scramble out of the pit and shakes off the dirt. The dog walks to a jack o lantern and turns off the light and left leaving to the credits.]
Category:Transcripts
Category:Columbia Pictures Transcripts