Alice Through the Looking Glass (1987, Astro Boy's Critic)

(Astro Boy is looking rather happy)
Astro Boy: (quickly) Hello, I'm Astro Boy. I remember it so you have to. (normal) That's what I say welcome... to the BURBANK ANIMATION MONTH!!!
(Astro Boy dances happily in his chair as the words "BURBANK ANIMATION MONTH" are displayed over fireworks. "Astro Boy Theme Song" is played in the background)
Astro Boy: Oh, it's been hard. It's been an enchanted realm of watching these movies! But we're here. This is the first one! This is Alice Through the Looking Glass!
Astro Boy (vo): It's only... usually... the first thing they think of is the Burbank version, and, yeah, actually, that's not such a good version to think of. I have a lot of people who told me to review this. Maybe, it is because I’ve praised the first one as an animated classic, and have even admitted it to being one of my favorite movies. The story of Alice in Wonderland was good, yet still had an element of wonder that makes it--what I consider--a masterpiece of animation. So, as you can imagine, (sighs) I’m not looking forward to this one. And who’s the star now? Alice? Oh, that kid that just got one line in the first film. What has he ever done, outside of…the title of the window? And it has not aged well with time. (shows clips from first film in 1988) The first film was good, but I gave it credit that at least it had some atmosphere, a decent pace, and a pretty cute little girl. This film...ugh, let's just get Burbank Animation Month over with...
Astro Boy: Let’s see what the damage is. I think I've lost them. Okay, look. Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I don't love this movie. I don't even like it, either. I think it's bad. How bad is it? Well, apparently, it wasn't even good enough to get a blu-ray release. And that's not worth killing a girl over, is it? NOPE!
(Astro Boy gets up, zipping up his black coat, grabbing his S.W.A.T. helmet, putting on his brass knuckles, grabbing his paddle, putting on his helmet, securing his gun in his jacket, and then finally sitting at his chair to face the screen with paddle in hand; camera zoom up on his face and yells)
Astro Boy: TAKE A LOOK!
?????
Astro Boy (vo): Wait a minute, why is it suddenly Alice, who’s checked to be the masterpieces? Come on, that's not cute, it's a weird anime version.
(clip of Alice character from 114th episode of "Alice in Wonderland" from the Japanese adaptation of “Manga Sekai Mukashi Banashi”)
Astro Boy (vo): Fancy your Japanese design being great favorite in there! But they're not even trying!
(back to the movie)
Astro Boy (vo): But for now it's only in the future. And that made-up prophecy you didn’t say anything about Alice being the girlish voice of Janet Waldo?
Astro Boy: [beat] Okay, okay. Maybe I'm being too critical. I mean, maybe she just looks like a voice of aunt Dete from the Studio Ghibli version of Heidi. (a picture of Dete from Heidi: Girl of the Alps) Hi, Dete from Heidi: Girl of the Alps!
Astro Boy: [beat] Oh, wait. YES, THEY DO!
?????
Astro Boy: Dream? That's a "dream" word at the end? (looked very shocked) This movie’s complete worst!
(Clips from the movie play again as Astro Boy speaks)
Astro Boy (vo): It follows every adventure in the book, the characters are stale, both feeling good and bad, even the girl discovers get a little old after a while. The only thing that’s kind of rotten, which actually do look pretty realistic. But as you would guess, it’s not best waiting through them. What else can you say about it except “’Alice Through the Looking Glass’ is freakin’ bad!”?
Astro Boy: And if you ever do come across this book by Lewis Carroll, why don’t you go ahead and give him this movie? (He brings out the DVD box for “Alice Through the Looking Glass [1987]" (2006)) I’m sure they need something to make that bad version of girl out of! (He slams the DVD box onto his desk) I’m Astro Boy! I remember it so you have to! (He gets up to leave)
THE END
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(The credits roll)
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