S07E08: The Gang Rescues a Building

A wild Chuck appears! 
== Previously on MCVFD ==
We slowly and cautiously made our way through the portal through which the pirates took the beta station.  The pirates have an island floating in the astral plane that they use as a home base for raids! We saw a pirate captain sitting on the crystal pedestal, and we think the listening station staff is in the locked barracks. We took a real Winnie the Pooh approach and floated in like a cloud.
First priority: staff.  Second priority: crystal pedestal.
== Session ==
Kanye wants to know if he can get recruited by the pirates.  Is there any way he can solve this problem with epaulets?
Um wants to pick the lock under pressure while we’re fighting.  We discover again how lockpicking works. Turns out you need lockpicking tools to pick a lock. Who knew?
Time for Kanye to use one of his new exciting breaching maneuvers? Kanye: the door.  Is it an innie or an outie?DM: it’s an outie.Kanye: oh, then I can’t kick it in.DM: it’s also currently open.Um: …you can close it, then kick it.No breaching.  We’re going to try and buy the slaves to buy time for Um to pick the lock of the barracks.
Nissa walks up to the pirate and begins to negotiate for the slaves.  Pirate Joe told Nissa that there were slaves for sale, and gave her directions to the secret lair! The pirate captain looks very dubious.  He couldn’t let them go for less than 9000 gold.  Could we buy the chair too for that price?
The chair is off the table.  The chair is made of control gems from the collars of enslaved Gith! They are infinitely valuable.  He wants to return the chair to the queen, get a silver sword, be a baller and buy his way into high society.
Does he know if the queen likes coffee? We produce the portal bead to Portland. It’s an equally valuable portal to a place that has yet no portals.Um: You’re sending the Githyankee to Portland? WE LIVE THERE!The pirate captain notices Kanye and Nissa eyeing each other and says he’s going to step outside to smoke while they decide how they want to deal.
MEANWHILE, in the next room Um succeeds in picking the crappy padlock on the barracks door. He closes the door behind himself.  Oh shit, now he has to talk to the captives.Um:  Um, hi.  Which is my name.  What are you doing here?Prisoners: We’re prisoners?Um: Would you like to not be prisoners?Prisoners: Yes?Um: My friends are negotiating to buy you, but if you follow me, we can get you for free!Prisoners: …..ok?Um opens the door.
JUST THEN, the pirate captain turns to leave and Kanye sees that he is about to see Um, so he sets off his glitter cannon!
Nissa heats the pirate captain's sword to red hot and it burns him, making him drop his sword.  Sorith runs towards the sound of the brawl.  Need for Speed! He jumps by the pirate captain and bicycle kicks him in the face. He has advantage on all six attacks of his turn from the glitter buff…. Strap in, folks.  Pow! Pow! Pow! Critically punches him in the face! From zero to bloodied. 
Shouting from outside.  Gith pirates run to the front door. The pirate captain takes a Misty Step outside and drinks a healing potion.  He grabs a sword from his incoming friends.
Kanye goes to pick up the chair.  An athletics check! Kanye’s time to shine!  He pulls HARD on the chair….. Which is weightless, because Astral Plane.  He sails out the front door and collides with one of the incoming Githyankee.  Kanye throws the chair towards the portal….. And fails.  It sails off into the distance… somewhere.  Oops.  Kanye flies off after the chair.  
Um turns back to the prisoners.Um: …. This isn’t a part of the plan I remember.  We should go back inside.They retreat into the building and create a barricade. 
Nissa looks down the hallway and sees four gith all standing near each other…. FIREBALL! They mostly dodge and are only singed, but the pirate captain and one of the others are bloodied.
Sorith casts Shatter and the pirate captain drops to the ground. More punching! The gith try to punch him but he’s too fast.
Kanye grapples the chair!  He throws the chair through the portal successfully this time.
Now that Um secured the prisoners, he slips out and tells them not to let anyone in.  He shoots into the chaos.  Nissa: what do I do? Should I fight these guys or try to polymorph the captain?Um: he’s safer as a chicken than as a pirate.Nissa chases after the captain and tries to polymorph him. He just barely shrugs it off, then flips off Nissa.Pirate Captain: This ain’t my first rodeo.  No, literally.  Last time I was polymorphed they put me in a rodeo.Sorith comes at the Gith with punches of fire! They have super good armor though.  One is super fucked up and runs away.  The remaining pirates try to stab Sorith.  It slashes him and hurts his feelings a little.  
Three more pirates notice the commotion and join the pirate captain.  The captain takes the helm and directs the pirates to untie the ship.  The pirates man large crossbows on the deck. 
Kanye wants to kill the captain.  He dives in from above and creates a wall of flame behind him with his boosters, impaling the captain on his glaive and pinning him to the mast.  INSPIRED.Kanye: If he’s dead, I assume he won’t resist.Kanye pulls out his longsword and sets it on fire.  FLAMING LONGSWORD! The captain’s head is separated from his body.  Kanye holds up the flaming severed head of the pirate captain.  Kanye burns his fingers a little but moves the mouth of the dead captain to say:Kanye: I am Kanye Cantaliber, of the House of Cantaliber! They are terrified.Kanye: It finally worked! And all I had to do was kill someone.Meanwhile, on the other side of the portal:Moody: What’s that whistling sound?Woodhouse: Put on your helmet, sir.They catch the chair as it sails through the portal.
Kanye begins handing out business cards to the prisoners.
Nissa and Um realize we have enough pirate prisoners to crew a pirate ship.  It’s capable of flying anywhere! In Limbo! Kanye modifies the lettering of Astral Plane Party Boat that is already painted on the bow, christening her the Just Plane Party Boat.  Sorith impales the captain’s head on a spare glaive and mounts in on the quarterdeck.  
We hook the listening station to the pirate ship and “sail” the listening station back to Limbo and drop it on the foundations.  
Nissa recruits the pirate crew to continue on the pirate ship.  Nissa: We learned a valuable lesson in the future and in space, so we don’t just kill people anymore.We promise them steady pay, good beer, healthcare with dental and 401k match.  They’re on board! We have a flying pirate ship and a crew!  …. and the DM needs a minute to decide what the hell that means now.