S'mores, Elvis and a Cubano/Transcript

This is the transcript for S'mores, Elvis and a Cubano, which aired on January 13, 2022.
==Transcript==
1 Previously on B Positive How is she? She's gone.
So, this van girl? - Hannah.
- Hannah.
Yeah.
What's the deal with Hannah? I told you.
You know, we spent the night together, and then she ripped me off.
Wow, that's crazy.
She cute? Why do you care? Well, why wouldn't I, you know? - You're my friend.
- Interesting.
What's interesting? Nothing's interesting.
You don't like the way I look? No.
Yeah.
Maybe it's too festive for the Red Lobster.
Great, then you can go alone.
As you lie alone in bed tonight, consider this, I'm not wearing any panties.
Morning.
What are you doing? Going on the road with you.
Get out of my bed.
Look at you.
You're doing real good.
Yeah.
We're just gonna go out to the pickleball court and then loop back around to your room.
I don't think so.
Wait, what are you doing? Where are you going? I'm going to sit on my titanium ass.
Norma, the only way your hip is gonna heal is if you do a lot of walking.
I don't care if it heals.
Let me just sit here and die a slow death.
Okay.
Hey, I am not gonna let you quit.
We are gonna get through this.
You always have such a positive attitude.
- I'm doing my best.
- Yeah.
Well, it's starting to piss me off.
Hey, what are you doing? Oh, just cutting the umbilical cord, if you will.
Thanks for letting me mooch your juice.
That's van life talk for "electricity.
" Where are you going? The Florida Keys.
Oh, and FYI, Harry's coming with me.
What? Yeah, he says he needs a break.
Too many memories here.
Ugh.
Poor guy.
Well, at least he has memories.
Most of the jokers around here can't remember yesterday.
I think the road will be a nice distraction.
Plus, I wouldn't mind getting to know the man.
We have a lot in common.
Name one thing.
We're both men of few words.
Laconic, one might say.
Taciturn.
Introspective.
Hey, maybe Harry can be your wingman.
Help you pick you another van chick.
I'm referring to the deceitful seductress Hannah.
It's interesting you keep bringing her up.
- It's not interesting.
- Oh, it's interesting.
Hey, take care of Harry.
I will.
I'll text you from the road.
Pics, GIFs, the occasional emoji.
Just let me know if it gets annoying.
I can tell you now.
Bye.
- Bye, Norma.
- Yeah.
Be safe.
So, what's the deal with you two? There's no deal.
Interesting.
It's not interesting! Look at us.
Out on the open road.
Seeing the beautiful sights - of this great land of ours.
- Yeah.
That's a lovely Costco.
- All right, you need to take I-90.
- Uh, no.
Actually, we're gonna take the I-95 south to the Florida Keys.
You know, I've always wanted to see Hemingway's house and eat an authentic Cubano.
BT dubs, that's a ham sandwich I know what it is.
With cheese and pickles.
Then we'll head up the Gulf Coast and make our way west to the Grand Tetons.
- I need to make a small detour.
- Sure.
Where? Wisconsin.
Wisconsin? That's, like, a thousand miles that way.
I want to go that way.
I want to spread Meredith's ashes at the spot we got engaged, which is that way.
Okay.
Right.
Sorry, I-I didn't know.
Do you think we could head that way after we hit the Keys? No.
Come on, we're not on any schedule.
You know, we're footloose and fancy-free.
I'm footloose, you're fancy-free.
"They're cops, but they're also best friends.
" Okay, Wisconsin, here we come.
That way.
Oysh.
- What's the matter? - Let's just say that everything I've eaten for the last five days is still in me.
That's the painkillers you're on.
So that's the choice I have? To be in agony or to be backed up like Elvis? Oh, boy.
What? It's my big sister.
She's in town and wants to see me.
- And that's bad? - Yes, it is.
She's kind of a scam artist.
She only shows up when she wants my money, my drugs or my boyfriend.
Oh, we have the same sister.
Couple of years ago, I was dating a rich drug dealer, so she hit the trifecta.
Does she know you're a wealthy woman now? You know, I may have forgotten to mention that to every member of my family.
So, how are you gonna handle this one? I'll show you.
"New phone.
Who dis?" Here's your laxative, Norma.
Oh, could you say it a little louder? - I don't think everybody heard you.
- Sorry.
It's very powerful.
Drink it in your room.
- Okay, I get it.
- I'm serious.
In the bathroom.
So, I'm thinking our next book club selection will be Madame Bovary.
There's sex.
There's suicide.
And good news for you: it's very short.
Sounds like you got to be a madame with bovaries to enjoy it.
Here's your turkey bacon, Professor.
Ah, thank you, Bert.
It's not as good as pork, but at least no animals were killed.
- Actually, it - Let it go.
Hey, while I got you here, my dad's birthday's coming up.
Any suggestions? Why are you asking us? Not to be disrespectful, but he's on the homestretch like you guys.
How about one of them weighted blankets? Nah.
My mom's on the heavy side, so he kind of already has one.
What about a nice robe? He's got a robe.
What he needs is a belt so we don't see his nuts at dinner.
Well, bon appÃ©tit.
Something really bad happened to him as a kid.
- May I join you? - Please.
You look very pretty this morning.
Thank you.
S-Since I got you here, uh I was thinking maybe you and I could try going out to dinner sometime? Again? To dinner? Is he seriously asking me out again? It would appear so.
How should I handle it? Depends.
Are you a merciful woman? Not generally.
You guys know I can hear you.
Excuse me, - I am talking to Peter.
- Give him a chance.
His brains are nowhere to be found, but his heart is in the right place.
Thank you.
I would like to go for dinner with you.
Great.
I was thinking Papa John's.
They put the cheese right in the crust.
It'll blow your freakin' mind.
This is where the mercy comes in.
Okay, remember the plan.
I just work here.
- I am not the boss.
- Right.
- I'm the boss.
- No, the boss is someone else.
- Who? - It doesn't matter.
It matters to me.
- Natalie! - Gina! Oh, my God! Oh, you look great! You, too.
Welcome to Valley Hills.
This is my coworker Gabby.
Coworker? Please, I'm your boss.
Nice to meet you.
- You, too.
- So, what brings you to town? I am singing at a little club.
You should come and see me.
Uh, I'd love to.
You're working the night shift.
Can't you cover for me, Gabby? You want your boss to cover for you? I do.
I really do.
Come on, I'll show you around.
If you need me, I'll be in my office smoking a bowl.
Ah.
If you're thinking you didn't hear a flush, you would be correct.
You see, that's the number one rule around here.
Get it? Number one? No flushing? Pardon me.
Oh, forgot my book.
Guess I should've bought you dinner first, huh? Uh, tomorrow there is an authentic frontier fort just off the highway.
We could stop, maybe take a photo dressed up as fur trappers.
Now, why would we do that, hmm? Rhetorical question.
'Cause it's awesome.
- I don't think so.
- Come on.
We got to have some fun along the way.
And this is educational fun, the best kind.
I need to get to Wisconsin.
Fine.
I need my phone.
Oh, how about that? I can feel yours.
Ooh, someone's texting you.
And this is our day room, where our residents hang out and socialize.
Everyone seems so happy.
What do you got 'em on, lithium? Just love.
And edibles.
Hi, Jerry.
Hi, um Jennifer? Jenny.
- Gina.
- Oh, Gina.
Right.
Sorry, I'm new here, and I don't know the names of all the orderlies.
Disorderlies.
Oh, Jenny.
Oh, hey, Norma.
This is my sister Natalie.
Nice to meet you.
Gina, I don't want to embarrass you, but you have to pay me back that $300.
I get paid a week from Friday.
You'll get your money.
I better.
All right, can I show you the game room? So, how long you gonna keep up this act? Act? What do you mean? Where you pretend you didn't just inherit millions of dollars.
Oh, can I explain? - Go ahead.
- Uh I was trying to trick you.
All right, look, it was a tough day.
We bickered.
Some feelings were hurt.
Mostly mine.
But I know what'll make it all better.
It's time to break out the s'mores kit, baby.
Thank you, Williams Sonoma.
- Pass.
- What? How can you turn down s'mores? Because I'm not eight years old.
Oh, come on.
Everybody loves s'mores.
They're so good, you always want s'more.
Huh? No one ever says, "No, thanks, I've had s'nough.
" I'm sorry.
Did I hurt your feelings again? Yeah.
Look, I know we're on a mission, but can't we have a little fun along the way? Wh-What does that mean? We're gonna stop at every lamebrain tourist trap? Not all of 'em.
Just some.
Or one.
Why'd you even want to come with me? I've asked myself the same question.
Okay.
I get it.
You're having a tough time.
But I honestly thought this trip would help take your mind off things.
If all you wanted to do was get to Wisconsin as fast as possible, you should've flown.
I'm going to bed.
And there's nothing lamebrained about the Orville Redenbacher Museum.
Guy was basically the Steve Jobs of popcorn.
Hey.
What do you want? I came to hear you sing.
- Really? - Yeah.
Did you pay the five-dollar cover charge, or is that too much for a minimum-wage orderly? Natalie, come on.
I'm a hot girl.
I don't pay covers.
Just so you know, I didn't come to town to ask you for a handout.
I came because I have some news.
That you couldn't tell me over the phone? No.
Okay, go ahead.
I have to have surgery on my vocal cords.
- Why? - I have polyps.
Oh, Nat.
I'm so sorry.
When is the surgery? As soon as I can save up the money.
And there it is.
There's what? I didn't ask you for a penny.
You are telling me that your singing career - is dependent on my money.
- No.
My singing career is dependent on this very expensive surgery that my insurance won't cover.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work.
You are so full of it.
There is no surgery.
There are no polyps.
This is just another scam trying to get in my pocket.
Do you hear yourself? Money has made you an awful person.
Hi, everybody.
Thanks for coming out tonight.
I'm Natalie Dabrowski, and this is a song by Minnie Riperton.
Lovin' you Is easy 'cause you're Beautiful Do, do, do, do, do, ooh La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
Hello, Professor Dabrowski.
Senator Dunbar, how are you? Good.
Good.
Greetings from the Hoosier State.
Hoosier daddy? That's on a lot of T-shirts out here.
Don't get me one.
Too late.
Hey, how's it going with Harry? Uh, we had a bit of a fight last night, and now I'm getting the silent treatment, which, honestly, I'm grateful for.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
You just got to be patient with him.
- Hang on.
- What? He, uh, he left me a note.
"Drew, you were right.
This was a bad idea.
"I'm taking a cab to the airport, and I'll fly to Wisconsin.
Enjoy Florida.
" He dumped me.
Did he rob you like that Hannah girl? Very funny.
You know, it's interesting you keep bringing her up.
It's not interesting.
Oh, it's very interesting.
And then when she sang, I started thinking that she was telling the truth.
So, what's the plan? I guess I give her the money for the operation.
Well, that would be the Christian thing to do.
- You think? - I don't know.
It's what I've heard.
Gina, in ten or 20 years, how important is that money gonna be? Not at all.
I just don't want to feel like I'm being taken advantage of.
Oh, sweetie, that's what families are for.
I had a lovely evening.
But for future reference, I'm not a fan of the napkin tucked into the collar.
I didn't want to get marinara all over my tie.
It's a Christmas present from my grandson.
I'm not a fan.
Got it.
Well, thank you.
You bet.
Jiminy Christmas.
Something wrong? No.
No, "Jiminy Christmas" is good.
It's real good.
Well, you can come in if you want.
Yeah? Uh, all right.
I think maybe I I should pro I Probably I should I-I think maybe I'm I-I got to go.
Great.
I waxed for nothing.
Hey.
It's me again.
Really? You came back to see me embarrass myself? I came back to give you this.
I think that should cover the surgery.
I don't know what to say.
You don't have to say anything.
You're my sister.
I love you.
I want you to be happy and healthy.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Do you want to sing one with me? No, I'll just listen.
Come on.
We'll do your favorite, like when we were kids.
Ain't no mountain high enough Ain't no valley low enough Ain't no river wide enough To keep me away from you now Ain't no mountain high enough Ain't no valley low enough Ain't no river wide enough to keep me from you What happened to the polyps? It's a miracle.
Ain't no mountain high enough Ain't no valley low Ain't no river wide enough.
Mind some company? What the hell? You make a wrong turn heading to the Keys? I didn't want you to have to do this alone.
Thank you.
So, this is the spot where you popped the question.
Yep.
- It's pretty.
- Yeah.
I knew I wanted to marry Meredith on our first date.
Took me a year before I work up the courage to ask her.
And another two months to get her father's permission.
He didn't approve? No.
No, he He thought she could do a lot better than me.
And he was right.
Spent the rest of my life trying to deserve her.
Well Goodbye, my beautiful girl.
I love you.
Thanks again for coming.
All right.
I'm ready to go.
I'm also ready for you to take your hand off my shoulder.
Right.
Sorry.
You know, we're not far from a Bavarian village with a giant glockenspiel clock.
Maybe we can go tomorrow.
- Don't toy with me.
- No, I-I'm-I'm serious.
Oh, Papa, that would be wunderbar.
Category:Episode Transcripts
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