I Guess I'm Floating

is the thirteenth episode of the fourth season and the 56th overall episode of Station 19.
==Short Summary==
Ben and Dean wrestle with life and death after the Black Fighter's Coalition banquet.
==Full Summary==
Bailey comes into the bedroom asking Ben where their sons are. She finds he has lit candles around the room. He tells her Roz took the boys for a hike so he thought they could catch up. She climbs into bed next to him. They start kissing.
At the annual banquet for the Black Firefighters Coalition of Seattle, Gregory speaks about the progress being made, leading up to them all being there. With his planned speech finished, he moves on to talk about George Floyd and changing the system from the inside. Once he's done speaking, Vic and Ben agree it's all talk and no change. Dean excuses himself to get a drink.
Sullivan finds Dean and tells him Gregory hates his lawsuit. Dean admires Gregory, but hates the implication that them just being there is enough change. Dean has Sullivan's support, but Sullivan says it wouldn't hurt to get Gregory's as well if he can.
Ben and Bailey kiss softly in bed. Suddenly, she asks him what that is as she squeezes his testicle. He thinks it's a spermatocele and tries to convince her to go for another round to help clear it, but she gets out her phone and insists on him going to get the lump checked out immediately.
Dean finds Gregory looking out over the water from the edge of the boat. Dean says he knows the speech was directed at him. Dean tells Gregory that being on the field isn't enough of a victory for him and he needs to push it further. Gregory wants them to present a united front because people are marching to defund the police and they need the police. Dean says many calls made to the police would be better served by other services and defunding the police could fund those services and better serve the community. Gregory suddenly grabs his chest, saying he can't breathe. Dean watches in horror as he falls over the edge into the water. Dean then climbs up on the railing and jumps in after him. Ben sees this happen and yells for help before grabbing a life vest and a throw ring and jumping in himself.
Dean falls for help as Ben swims toward him. Ben arrives and grabs him, keeping him up above the water as he struggles to hold Gregory up. Gregory repeats that it's hard to breathe before falling unconscious. They watch in horror as the ship moves in the distance. Gregory has no pulse, so they attempt CPR, but they're unable to get any traction, so Dean tries a precordial thump instead. It also fails, so Ben says Gregory is gone.
Dean meets with Condola, who reminds him that the lawsuit will ruffle feathers in the fire department. He knows that, but he's not worried. He sets an Alexa reminder to change Pru's diaper and suction her nose and Condola tells him he's spoiled. There's a knock at the door and he answers it to find a couple. He directs them to the Airbnb nearby, but they're sure they have the right place. They're Petra and Henry Lau, JJ's parents. Once they've stepped inside, they ask Dola if she's Dean's girlfriend. She says she's his lawyer. Henry is glad to hear he has a lawyer and hopes he's suing for what happened to him with the cops. Dean asks why they're there and Henry says they'd love to meet Pru. They hear her crying from the next room and smile. Condola gathers her things and leaves. Dean tells the Laus that JJ isn't there and hasn't been involved. They're aware of that and only just found out Pru existed when JJ stopped in Hong Kong on her way to an ashram in India. They're sorry for what JJ has done, but pledge their support for Dean and Pru going forward. They looked Dean and his parents up before their arrival, so they know his parents are financially comfortable and have invited his parents over to get to know each other.
Ben and Dean are drifting and realize they're probably more than a mile from their original spot, meaning even if the boat turned around, they might not find them. Dean is angry that Ben didn't get help before jumping in. Ben doesn't have his phone because it's in his jacket on the boat. Dean has his, but quickly drops it in the water. Dean improvises a life preserver as he learned in Boy Scouts, but the strong current takes it away. Dean starts shedding clothing to help him stay afloat more easily. Ben suggests letting go of Gregory's body, but he refuses.
Dean is convinced they're going to die, but Ben tells him he needs to have a better attitude and get in a survivor's frame of mind. Dean asks if Ben would eat him if it came down to it. Ben says it won't come to that, which Dean points out is not a no. They move to float on their backs to conserve energy. Ben proposes them holding hands to stay together like sea otters. Dean doesn't want to die and neither does Ben.
Bailey hovers as Clark Kabir does an ultrasound of Ben's testicle. When Dr. Kabir questions if Ben wants her to stay, she introduces herself as the Chief of Surgery at Grey Sloan Memorial. Ben struggles to answer questions about his sex life, but Bailey easily answers them after reminding Ben that Dr. Kabir is a physician. Ben thinks the mass is a spermatocele, but Dr. Kabir says it's actually probably a mixed germ cell tumor. He wants to do an orchiectomy and then analyze the tissue, saying that a biopsy isn't reliable in this kind of mass. Bailey is shocked that he wants to take such drastic measures so quickly, but Dr. Kabir reminds her that these kinds of masses can spread quickly and Ben's job as a firefighter puts him at additional risk for cancer.
Dean says the cops murdered George Floyd and everyone saw it. He's gone and that could have been Dean, if the cop who arrested him had been a different cop. He'd be dead and Pru would be alone. He got a second chance and George didn't. And the cops just watched and no one did anything. Ben reassures him that he's doing the best he can and he just has to fight his hardest to stay alive and raise Pru on his own and make the world better for her.
Dean, his parents, and JJ's parents have finished eating. Ifeya asks about the progress with the lawsuit. Petra says they're supportive, just so the Millers know, but Ifeya is clear that they don't need any support. Bill knows the fire and police departments aren't thrilled with him, but he'll deal with a few parking tickets if that's what it takes. Henry tells about his great-grandfather, who built the railroads that stretch across the United States. His son then tried to set up a small store to build a life. It was burned down. They rebuilt but it was burned down three more times. Law enforcement just watched, because they were Chinese. They ended up moving to Hong Kong and made their fortune there despite being American born and bred. They only survived by leaning on family. Ifeya says Dean has a family to lean on already, but the Laus would like to be a part of that.
Ben tells Dean about his tumor. He has to have surgery to remove it and then he'll know for sure if it's cancer, though they're pretty sure it is. It's the same cancer Pruitt had before he died.
Ben asks Bailey what they should tell the boys and Bailey says they'll tell them the truth. Ben doesn't them to see him like this because they look to him for support and protection. Bailey tells him he'll show them it's okay to be vulnerable. He's not ready to have the surgery and wants Bailey to back him up. Bailey says they can get a second opinion, but he stops her from calling Catherine to get one. She's worried because of the mortality rate of Black men with cancer. Ben knows he's lucky because he has resources and access to them. He's angry that this is happening to him, but Bailey says it isn't just happening to him. He's not in this alone. She needs him to get the surgery because of everything that's already happened this year and how much she's already lost. She couldn't function without him and can't imagine walking through life without him. He leans over and hugs her.
Dean asks Ben when his surgery is. Ben says he hasn't scheduled it yet. He has excuses, but Dean says they aren't good enough. Dean tells Ben about Pruitt giving him a pep talk when he was deciding if he was going to keep Pru or place her for adoption and telling him he was dying and the thing he wished for most was more time with Andy. Two cases in the same fire house isn't okay. But they're family and as family, he's a dumbass for avoiding surgery.
Henry holds Pru's hand, then goes to the window and tells her that someday, all of that will be hers. Bill things he's inspiring her, but he says they actually own most of the waterfront. They're LCP Holdings, a private equity firm. Petra returns with many gifts she has purchased for Pru. Just then, Alexa chimes and reminds Dean to change Pru's diaper and suction her nose. Henry reiterates that Dean and Pru have their full support with everything. They hope to continue getting to know Dean's family and Pru even after they return to Hong Kong, including visits. Ifeya is opposed as she doesn't want JJ's life choices to influence Pru. Petra agrees that JJ is a mess and wants Pru to exceed her in every way.
Ben asks if JJ's parents want to take Pru. Dean says they don't. They're good people who just want to help. Dean starts to panic when something brushes his leg. Ben helps him calm down and says it's just a jellyfish. One already stung him. Dean wonders what if no one finds them. He repeats that he doesn't want to die even though his job has helped him make peace with death. He can't leave Pru without a father. He can't die before he tells the only woman he wants to be Pru's mother how he feels about her. Ben is shocked to learn he's in love with Vic. Dean is sad that he's going to die and he'll never know if she feels the same way. Ben tells Dean he'll take it to his grave, which could be the water. He reaches out his hand to Dean, reminding him about the otters, and Dean takes it.
Ben and Dean are both freezing cold. Dean tells Ben he wants Ben and Bailey to take Pru if something happens to him. Ben promises him they will. Ben's kids have a village if something happens to him, but he and Pru are on their own and their job could kill him at any moment. Ben promises him that he's not on his own and neither is Pru. Ben's village is his village. Pru also has his parents and Vic and JJ's parents and Ben. If anything happens to Dean, he'll Dad for Pru. Dean has a village, for more than just Pru. He's shouldering a lot, like it's all on him to make things better for Black people, but it's not all on him. They agreed to fight it together and they'll carry the weight together. Dean's starting to get tired. Ben asks if Dean will help Joey and Tuck if something happens to him. Joey was literally living on the street a year ago and would be still if Bailey hadn't brought him home. Now the sky's the limit for him.
Joey asks Ben questions about his surgery and Ben answers them. Joey points out how easy the surgery would be. Ben notices how much he seems to like medicine and asks if he ever thought about medical school. Joey says he never met a Black doctor before Ben and Bailey. Ben says that could be him, too. He's also concerned about the cost, but Ben says they can help him with that.
Ben says he's going to get the surgery. He was never not going to get it. He's not scared of surgery. He just needed to wrap his head around it. They hear a boat approaching and wave and yell for it, but it disappears without stopping. A large wave then crashes, breaking Dean's hold on Gregory's body and forcing them to start swimming. Ben tells Dean to let Gregory's body go and take the life ring. Dean fights Ben as Gregory's body drifts away from them. Ben wraps Dean's arm around his shoulder to help him stay afloat.
Joey celebrates receiving his diploma. He gives a speech, thanking Ben, who couldn't be there on that day, saying he misses Ben and wouldn't have made it without him.
Ben and Dean watch a plan fly overhead. Dean says before he dies, he has to stay that even though Ben probably shouldn't have jumped in after them, he's glad he's not out there alone. Ben starts singing as Dean realizes he can't use his arms and legs anymore. Ben says it's the hypothermia. They're not even shivering anymore, which is a bad sign. Dean reminds him that the deal is that Ben will take care of Pru if he dies and he'll get Joey and Tuck if Ben dies. Dean says his legs are done. He thinks he needs to let Ben go so he has a chance of surviving.
Petra sings to Pru.
Bailey rocks Pru and sings to her.
Ifeya puts Pru to bed and sings to her.
Ben and Dean wake up on a beach as lifeguards approach. Bailey is with them and hugs Ben. Vic and Sullivan are there as well and Vic rushes to Dean. Vic says she went and stayed with Pru all night so she wouldn't wake up in a world where Dean didn't exist anymore without Vic there to hold her. She's so glad she doesn't have to. Dean starts to confess to Vic, but Vic misunderstands and says she loves him, too. Dean and Ben are lifted onto stretchers and carried to the vehicle. They reach out and hold hands.
==Cast==
S194x13BenWarren.png|Ben Warren
S194x13RobertSullivan.png|Robert Sullivan
S194x13VictoriaHughes.png|Victoria Hughes
S194x13DeanMiller.png|Dean Miller
S194x13MirandaBailey.png|Miranda Bailey
S194x13BattalionChiefGregory.png|Battalion Chief Gregory
S194x13IfeyaMiller.png|Ifeya Miller
S194x13BillMiller.png|Bill Miller
S194x13PetraLau.png|Petra Lau
S194x13HenryLau.png|Henry Lau
S194x13ClarkKabir.png|Clark Kabir
S194x13CondolaVargas.png|Condola Vargas
S194x13JoeyPhillips.png|Joey Phillips
S194x13Guardsman.png|Guardsman
===Main Cast===
*Jaina Lee Ortiz as Lieutenant Andy Herrera (credit only)
*Jason George as Dr. Ben Warren
*Boris Kodjoe as Robert Sullivan
*Grey Damon as Lieutenant Jack Gibson (credit only)
*Barrett Doss as Victoria Hughes
*Jay Hayden as Travis Montgomery (credit only)
*Okieriete Onaodowan as Dean Miller
*Danielle Savre as Captain Maya Bishop (credit only)
*Stefania Spampinato as Dr. Carina DeLuca (credit only)
===Special Guest Star===
*Chandra Wilson as Dr. Miranda Bailey
===Guest Stars===
*Tom Wright as Battalion Chief Gregory
*Barbara Eve Harris as Ifeya Miller
*Jeffrey D. Sams as Bill Miller
*Vivian Wu as Petra Lau
*Wilky Lau as Henry Lau
*Anil Kumar as Dr. Clark Kabir
*Khalilah Joi as Condola Vargas
===Co-Starring===
*Noah Alexander Gerry as Joey
*Robert Dill as Guardsman
==Rescues==
===Battalion Chief Gregory===
When Battalion Chief Gregory fell off a cruise ship into the ocean, Dean and Ben jumped in after him. Once in the water, he slipped unconscious and they were unable to detect a pulse. They improvised CPR, but when that didn't work, they attempted a precordial thump, which was also unsuccessful. Ben then realized there was no hope to save him.
===Ben and Dean===
After jumping into the water after Gregory, Ben and Dean ended up stranded when no one on the ship realized they were missing and the boat continued on its path. They spent the night drifting in the water before washing up on the beach at Cape Flattery, where they were rescued the next morning.
==Music==
Song 	Performer 	Scene
"The Morning Weight" 	Los Coast 	
*Ben surprises Bailey with a romantic interlude.
"Do Whatcha Feel" 	Len Boone 	
*Dean and Gregory talk about Dean's lawsuit.
*Gregory grabs his chest, saying he can't breathe, then falls over the side of the ship.
"Here in the Light" 	Ollie Gabriel 	
*Henry talks to Pru.
*Dean's family learns that JJ's parents are wealthy.
"Que Sera, Sera" 	Cast (Jason George) 	
*Ben sings to himself as he floats.
"Brahms' Lullaby" 	Cast (Vivian Wu, Chandra Wilson, and Barbara Eve Harris)	
*Dean imagines Petra, Bailey, and Ifeya singing to Pru as she grows up.
"When the Bell Tolls"	Anthony Ramos 	
*Dean and Ben are rescued from the beach where they washed up.
*Bailey runs to check on Ben, followed by Vic and Sullivan.
*Vic tells Dean she went to his place and spent the night with Pru.
*Dean tries to confess to her, but can't.
"Do Whatcha Feel" - Len Boone
"Here in the Light" - Okay Gatsby feat Ollie Gabriel
"When the Bell Tolls" - Anthony Ramos
==Notes and Trivia==
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*This episode's title originated from the song , originally sung by M83.
*This episode scored 4.52 million viewers.https://web.archive.org/web/20210507201326/http://www.showbuzzdaily.com/articles/showbuzzdailys-top-150-thursday-cable-originals-network-finals-5-6-2021.html
*This episode was produced as the eleventh episode of the season, but aired as the thirteenth.
*Jason George has described this episode as one of the hardest shoots of the series for him, both physically and emotionally.
*This episode features only the Black members of the main cast. As such, it is the first episode of the series not to feature Jaina Lee Ortiz as Andy Herrera, Grey Damon as Jack Gibson, Jay Hayden as Travis Montgomery, and Danielle Savre as Maya Bishop. It also makes Jason George, Barrett Doss, and Okieriete Onaodowan the only cast members to have appeared in every episode of the series so far.
*The flashbacks about Ben finding out about his cancer take place on May 24, 2020, as Ben stated he found out the day before the day George Floyd was murdered.
*Dean and Ben says Ben was diagnosed with the same condition as Pruitt Herrera. While they were both diagnosed with testicular cancer, Pruitt was actually diagnosed with a testicular lymphoma rather than a mixed germ cell tumor like Ben.
*A drone was used for filming some parts of the beach scenes. There was a hawk on set that was released when the drone was filming to prevent seagulls from attacking the drone.https://www.instagram.com/p/CO0jQW2BivS/
==Gallery==
===Episode Stills===
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==Quotes==
==See Also==
de:Rettungsanker
Category:All Episodes
Category:S19 Episodes
Category:S19 S4 Episodes