2013 Power Rankings-Week 12

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Posted 11/19/13 at 8:06pm
Anybody Need a Hug?
We're closer to the playoffs and closer to knowing who will be competing for the trophy. Congrats to the four who have clinched. Boo to the teams that have now officially been eliminating from contention. Things are getting intense, which is why Luke Kuechly has agreed to give out free hugs to whoever is in need. Gronk already got his! Pat? Would you like a hug for not taking advantage of a 4-game losing streak by the 6 seed to grab the last playoff spot? Nate? Do you need a hug for not realizing that the playoffs end, as always, a week earlier than the NFL's regular season? Me? Do you need a hug for absolutely sucking every week in your own league?
1. Hernandez' Bracelets - This is the only team who has yet to see 2,000 points put up against them. They aren't the top scoring team. In fact, even 5 seed Orange Julians has outscored them on the season. Not looking good for the playoffs…Especially with all that trash talking. I have a bad feeling the Fantasy Gods are saving the punchline for an inevitable Zach/Nate matchup. And by "bad feeing" I mean a warm fuzzy feeling.
2. The Shotti Bunch - Nasty team, heavy in Denver players so as long as Peyton stays healthy and doesn't put on his usual choke routine he should be able to hold off the other 8-3's to get that 2nd seed but awesome matchup against Orange Julians this week with both Rodgers and Foles on his bench. Oh, and Lacy has turned in to a beast.
3. Cooper Clux Clan - I haven't boasted much about this team but they have torn off a big 4 game win streak (longest active streak in the league) and have a pretty nasty bench which is crucial. If they face Shotti Bunch in the post-season, watch out! CCC has Manning. Oh, and I think the Fantasy Gods smile on teams who own the player who is also the team name. Riley Cooper is having a massive second half of the fantasy season.
4. Orange Julians - Sorry ma ma momma said. I know, I am extra tough on MMMS. But OJ has struggled all season against the third toughest schedule in the league and have the best team slogan: "I may have lost this week, but I still scored more points than Nate." I said it last week and I will continue to say it, I really like this team. Looks like Vereen is going to be quite the addition down the stretch.
5. ma ma momma said - Best backup QB on any roster, mmms isn't taking any chances if Brees goes down with Wilson ready for action on the bench. RB heavy with a couple starting WR's on the bye but won't have much of a problem beating one of the bottom dwellers this week and keeping their chances at a bye alive.
6. Ooohmypussyitswet - Last week I questioned why Blackmon was still on the team and warned that if he wasn't dropped the Fantasy Gods would not be pleased. I didn't even mention Arian Foster, also hanging on to a bench spot. As I predicted, the Gods were NOT happy and punished this pussy by handing them a loss to the last place Wilfork You Up. The 6th seed will come down to who the Fantasy Gods hate more, this team or The Enforcers.
7. The Enforcers - Good team on paper but players just aren't meeting their projections. Richardson has been basically a non-factor since the big trade and RG3 overall has been a disappointment in 2013. Still, when they beat Girl on Fire this week and when Ooohmypussyitswet loses there will be an absolutely epic week 13 matchup between OMPIW and TE. Have I already mentioned that the week 13 matchups are all strangely perfect?
8.Wilfork You Up - WATCH OUT! Cam Newton has come to life. Too little too late but still a lot of these guys are getting hot. Gronk, Garrett Graham, Ridley, Newton, all starting to produce for their teams. Big question is will Welker be able to play in the big bottom-dweller game of week 13?
9. Girl on Fire - They haven't quit, which in my opinion makes them more of a winner than the teams who are still in the playoff hunt who haven't been setting their lineups. I see a bright future in this team. But they have to play their own game and not get caught up in the big trades that Nate tries to throw at teams every year. Lot of potential.
10. Hugs for Rob - No one needs a hug more than Gronk, except maybe his flakes. That's why in honor of the most bull shit call I have seen since last years Packers–Seahawks officiating controversy (which has an obnoxiously long wikipedia page, by the way), I am renaming my team "Hugs for Gronk." I plan to change the name back in time for the record books to hold "Gronk's Flakes" on record for the terrible season, but for now show me some love. Maybe bench your best players or something No? Oh well, let's work hard for that 3 seed, team!!