Parth Ferengi's Heart Place (episode)

The Cerritos visits the Ferengi homeworld with the prospect of the Ferengi joining the Federation. 
==Summary==
===Teaser===
On a Ferengi starship, two Ferengi crewmembers are sorting through their various merchandise, tossing out various items such as disruptors due to a recent ban on arms sales by Grand Nagus Rom. While the two officers are bewildered at the logic, as weapons dealings are highly profitable, Rom ultimately believes that equality and hospitality are more profitable in the long run. The louder complainer, Jeef, pulls out a cylindrical object his partner identifies as an updated portable Genesis Device and is scolded for nearly getting their molecules rearranged. As the officers complain about their , , for abiding by the changes rather than going for immediate profit, an alert immediately grabs their attention. Jeef hangs back a moment, quietly pleased that alert occurred "right on time."
On the bridge, Jeef and the other officer man their stations as Gem watches a mysterious ship drop out of warp and begin circling them. Gem orders full impulse speed away from the vessel, as he does not recognize the ship, and is not willing to risk trading with people he doesn't know. While the officer beside him counters with the 62nd Rule of Acquisition, stating that a high risk could yield high profit, Gem notices Jeef's impatience and suspects him of cooking up a scheme. Jeef denies anything is going on, but he is only onboard as a favor to Gem's cousin and the captain has never trusted him. When he orders for Jeef to be thrown out the airlock, Jeef protests that "they" told him they would make a profit as he is dragged from his station. The mysterious vessel fires a single beam at the ship, completely destroying the vessel.
===Act One===
:"Captain's log, stardate 58901.5. The Cerritos has traveled to Ferenginar. The Ferengi leadership is submitting a formal application to begin the process of joining the Federation: an alliance that could benefit the entire quadrant. This may just be a first step, but it's still a historic occasion."
 
In the conference room of the , Captain Carol Freeman joins Admiral Vassery, who is confident that the agreement between Starfleet and Ferenginar will be a very fast deal. Freeman expresses skepticism due to the reputation of the Ferengi and attempts to quote the 10th Rule of Acquisition ("Greed is eternal"), but Vassery believes that due to many progressive changes brought about by Rom and Leeta, but also cites that the numerous attacks across the quadrant have disrupted Ferengi trade routes, and that Rom is desperate for Federation resources. At that moment, a herald announces the arrival of Grand Nagus Rom, and First Clerk Leeta, who both enter the room. Vassery greets them both, and Rom's valet presents him with a ceremonial bust of good fortune of himself. Vassery reluctantly accepts the gift, while Leeta gives him the ceremonial invoice. Realizing he needs to pay for the gift, Vassery quietly asks Freeman if she brought any latinum with her, to her unsurprised dissatisfaction. 
On the Cerritos, Lieutenant jgs D'Vana Tendi, and Samanthan Rutherford are working together on the Sequoias stabilizers, as Bradward Boimler notices Beckett Mariner in a sour mood. Asked if anything is wrong, she denies it and dismisses his concern. At that moment, Commander Jack Ransom comes in and assigns them travel guide duty, which Mariner believed to be a myth. Ransom explains that Starfleet has travel guides for all known habitable planets and that the file for Ferenginar needs to be updated. Mariner, Boimler, Tendi, and Rutherford will be going to Ferenginar to visit and review various hotels, bars, museums, and other attractions for future travelers. Mariner focuses on Starfleet paying for as many drinks at as many places as possible; Ransom clarifies that they should also check out historical sites and the museums, but admits that it's mostly about the bars. Boimler gets excited for the assignment, eager to visit as many places as he can while having no actual fun himself in an effort to impress Ransom and rushes off to make an itinerary. Ransom also notes that they need two officers to act as a married couple, and since the Cerritos lacks married officers, he asks for Tendi and Rutherford to pretend to be recently married. The two express a lot of excitement at the prospect and accept the assignment. As they leave, Mariner correctly guesses that Ransom pulled strings to assign them this job and finds his kindness off-putting. 
Mariner, Boimler, Tendi, and Rutherford arrive on Ferenginar, where it is raining heavily, and the officers excitedly split up, with Mariner wanting to meet an old friend, Boimler wanting to get started on his itinerary, and Tendi and Rutherford needing to check into a honeymoon suite. As the two enter Lobe's Lodge, the two continue to express excitement at the idea of pretending to be married to each other, but as the two begin to express rather intimate ideas, the two start to get quickly embarrassed. As they wonder if they should return to the Cerritos, the hug-cierge warmly greets them and congratulates them on their marriage and announces to the entire room that they're getting a great deal. The entire room applauds Tendi and Rutherford as they show great discomfort.
===Act Two===
At Lobe's Lodge, Boimler is shown to a room, and he begins inspecting the room of its various features and is about to conclude his review after confirming that the room's viewscreen works, but his attention is grabbed when he sees an advertisement for Slug-o-Cola. While he laughs at the way the product is advertised, and is about to head out, the viewscreen grabs his attention again with a soap opera, Pog & Dar: Cop Landlords. Captivated by the program, Boimler sits and watches. 
Mariner enters a bar, and is waved down by her friend, Quimp, whom she hugs. Quimp notices her new pip and congratulates her for her promotion, and Mariner confides that being a lieutenant isn't as good as he'd think, saying that Ransom is trying to make her feel valued as a crew member. She's happy to get away from it all to hang with Quimp, who is happy to be with her as well, inviting her for some brunch. She agrees, and as a waiter passes by, she orders two shots of Cardassian tequila. Quimp is surprised by the order, as it's still early in the morning, but Mariner simply increases her order, much to his disbelief; he orders the same, figuring it'll be fun to let loose. Mariner agrees, saying she needs it. 
On the Toronto, having paid the invoice, Vassery tries to start the application process, but Rom interrupts him, excitedly asking if they still play baseball, and asks for a clause to be included in the application for Ferenginar to be able to play baseball, as he really likes it, before saying he noticed some numbers on the application, and wanted them to be different. A bit perplexed by Rom's request, Vassery seems to have a hard time understanding Rom's position. Leeta gives Rom a and goes to Vassery. She tells him that Rom isn't a very skilled businessman, and just likes to feel involved in the process. Freeman tries to get Vassery's attention, but he ignores her, as Leeta suggests opening up the application, and letting Rom "shuffle around" some of the numbers he sees. Freeman warns Vassery that this is a typical Ferengi technique to try and get around the locked terms of an agreed upon contract, but Vassery, seeing Rom as practically a child, disregards her warning. Vassery sits down and tells Rom he's reopening the contract and asks Rom to show him what numbers he's concerned about. Leeta grabs a PADD and begins expertly negotiating the contract, referencing specific sections, quickly overwhelming Vassery.
Back at Lobe's Lodge, Boimler is still in his room, eagerly watching Pog & Dar, enjoying the show, and as it ends, he's about to move on, before the viewscreen announces an upcoming show, Will They, Won't They?, a workplace sitcom where all the characters are secretly in love with one another. Boimler finds the show to be fairly low quality but decides to watch further. 
In their suite, Tendi and Rutherford are trying to overcome their embarrassment, when their hug-cierge, Parth, enters with two new outfits. He tells them it's time for their couples photo session, much to their discomfort. He gives them each an outfit and has them change into them. Upon changing, both admit to one another that they look very nice, and their photographer begins to take photos of them, but as he asks them to get more intimate, Rutherford stops him. As the photographer is shot to give them lingerie for their next session of photos, they quickly excuse themselves for dinner. 
Meanwhile, Mariner and Quimp are enjoying a game of Dabo at a public library, and though Quimp is enjoying hanging out with her, her enormous intake of alcohol is beginning to concern him. He tries to excuse himself, but Mariner doesn't let him, as she wants to hang out more, and as he tries to leave, he accidentally bumps into another Ferengi, spilling a drink in the process. The Ferengi quickly apologizes to Quimp, who tries to disregard the accident, but Mariner takes offense, and angrily confronts the Ferengi. Mariner quickly gets hostile, threatening a fight, while the Ferengi tries to calm her, as he's only trying to enjoy the evening with his biker gang. Mariner ignores his pleas and angrily punches him into his gang, starting a massive brawl, much to Quimp's shock.
===Act Three===
On the Toronto, Vassery is overwhelmed as Leeta and Rom negotiate different terms on the contract. While he's frustrated, they appear to be close to a resolution, and Rom invites them to his palace to finalize the deal. Vassery, frustrated and wanting to wrap the deal up quickly, agrees, but Freeman warns him that this is another Ferengi tactic to delay the signing, and frustrate him into blindly signing any contract. Unwilling to accept failure, and believing he has both Rom and Leeta figured out, he continues forward. 
On Ferenginar, Tendi and Rutherford are at Quark's Federation Experience Bar & Grill with a unique Starfleet theme. They're still trying to pretend to be romantically involved, but finding it increasingly difficult, they finally agree to stop, and treat one another like they normally would as friends. While they are relieved to be free of this burden, they're surprised by Parth, who gives them the deluxe romance menu. Rutherford is about to tell him the truth, when an alert gets everyone's attention. At a nearby table, two Ferengi are trying to fake being romantically involved in an attempt to obtain a discount. As this is one of the worst felonies to commit on Ferenginar, the two Ferengi are immediately sentenced to a lifetime of work in Ferenginar's subaquatic sulfur mines. Parth returns to their table, apologizing for the interruption. Not wanting to suffer the same fate, Tendi and Rutherford continue to fake their marriage to the best of their ability. Delighted in their love, Parth gives them the most romantic meal on the menu: sexy chocolate statues of the two, and Parth tells them that it is customary for each of them to declare to the restaurant something they find attractive about their partner after every bite, and that the chairs they're sitting on can detect lies. Their table is then listed intimate while the restaurant cheers them on. 
Meanwhile, Mariner, having been arrested after her fight, is bailed out of jail by Quimp. Quimp is very angry with her behavior and tells her that he had to bribe many people in an effort to preserve the Starfleet negotiations going on. Mariner, still intoxicated, tells him that she's always been living wild and unpredictable, but Quimp tells her that beforehand, her chaotic behavior usually meant something, but now she just seems angry about nothing. Mariner refutes the claim, saying he's changed, and Quimp tells her that she's stuck in a perpetual state of immature rebellion. He goes on to say that she has all the support she's ever wanted, but she's still picking fights to ensure she gets hurt. While Mariner uncomfortably denies this, Quimp tells her he just wants her to be careful, before lively telling her that she needs to live long enough to pay him back. They find themselves at a memorial to lost Ferengi profit due to the Dominion War, and Mariner apologizes for her behavior. Quimp accepts her apology and tells her she needs to figure out what's bothering her so much, before walking off.
Back at Quark's, Tendi and Rutherford are finishing up their chocolate statues, and have managed to truthfully admit things they like about one another. Having successfully proven their marriage, Parth congratulates them and says that they're now able to "consummate" their marriage, much to their shock. A booth is brought out, where the two are now expected to enter and engage in intimacy for the restaurant to hear. As they nervously begin to approach the booth, Dr. Migleemo enters the restaurant, eager to review the restatement himself, and he spots Tendi and Rutherford and reveals to Parth how famously platonic both Tendi and Rutherford are. Hearing this, Parth calls security over, but before anything can happen, Tendi yells at Migleemo, angered that he would call them platonic. She then accuses Migleemo of having attempted multiple times to try to break them up, and Rutherford agrees, saying that they both love Migleemo. Migleemo is shocked by this, and Rutherford goes on to accuse Migleemo of trying to ruin their marriage just because the Ferengi marriage discount could only be used by two people. Tendi calls Migleemo undeniably attractive to both of them and that seeing him here, she wants to divorce Rutherford. Rutherford tells Migleemo he ruined their marriage, and Tendi says that they'll never forgive him. Baffled and anxious, Migleemo begs them not to break up on his account. Convinced, Parth has security stand down, while Rutherford and Tendi announce that they're now divorced and returning to the ship. Migleemo stands there in bewilderment, saying that he never knew the two were married, as Parth asks if he'd be interested in their "homewrecker" package.
At the palace, Leeta and Rom are initializing several final changes in the contract, with Vassery, obviously demoralized, agreeing to everything blindly. Freeman steps forward, saying she's made the changes, and even added a billion bars of gold-pressed latinum as a signing bonus, much to Vassery's shock. Leeta asks why she's offered such an amount to them, and Freeman replies that she just wants to wrap everything up, knowing they have the admiral under their thumb. Leeta suspects a catch, and Freeman says that she's added a provision that in order to receive the signing bonuses, Ferenginar must recruit one other planet into the Federation. Vassery tells her that those terms are far too simple, but Rom signs it, boasting that with as many planets that are in debt to Ferenginar, recruiting one will be no more than a simple task. Vassery is terrified that Starfleet will be in enormous debt to Ferenginar, but Freeman says that they will actually get nothing from this. Rom asks what she means, and Freeman tells him that she didn't tell them which specific planet they'd need to bring in, which is listed in the fine print. Rom and Leeta immediately review the application and realize to their shock that in order to get their bonus, they'd need to recruit Qo'noS into the Federation, which would be impossible. Freeman tells them that they neglected the 8th Rule of Acquisition: "Small print leads to large risk." Rom is impressed by Freeman's swindling, and Leeta tells them that while they favor an alliance with the Federation, they wouldn't be comfortable signing with a bunch of "suckers and rubes." Rom tells Freeman that her actions prove that there are those in the Federation that respect Ferengi culture, and asks for the negotiations to start over, signing the original application. Vassery apologizes to Freeman for doubting her and promises to relay her acuity to Command, shaking her hand. Rom then invites them to check out his batting cages.
:"With the application submitted, so begins the first step to the Ferengi joining the Federation. There are many more hurdles to leap, but today felt like a good start."
Later in her ready room, Freeman examines the Vassery bust that apparently he'd given her and happily drops it into the trash.
Ransom checks on the lieutenants in the repair bay, asking Mariner how her guide duty went and if she had fun. Mariner tells her about what happened, and Ransom asks why she gets into fights, though she lays her head at the table she's sitting at and says he wouldn't understand. Ransom then asks Tendi and Rutherford how their assignment as a couple went, and they say that it was way out of their comfort zone as they lack any chemistry. They then excitedly run into a Jefferies tube to reroute a phase conduit together, unaware of how comfortable they are with being in very close proximity to each other. Ransom then asks where Boimler is. 
Boimler is still in his room at Lobe's Lodge, having ordered room service for when he needed to eat, watching Ferengi programming. Ransom hails him and asks if he did too many locations and is in need of aid, but Boimler explains that he stayed up watching eight hours of Ferengi programming, apologizing for letting him down. Ransom disregards the apology saying he's proud of him, as Boimler has a problem going with the flow, but this time he "got out of his own way" and just let things happen as he felt like it. He then says he authorized the local authorities to get him out of there and to simply not physically resist. Before Boimler knows it, a Ferengi security officer smashes through the door with an energy whip, taking Boimler into custody by force. Hearing the commotion and Boimler's screams on the other side, Ransom chuckles, saying how much he likes Boimler while having a drink of Slug-o-Cola.
==Memorable quotes==
"I hope you've been practicing your notarizing. You are about to witness the quickest signing in Starfleet history."
"These are the Ferengi, Admiral. I think we should be prepared for-"
"A cakewalk? We're not dealing with the old Ferenginar anymore. Rom and Leeta have brought so much progressive change. It makes Moab IV inside the dome, look like Moab IV outside the dome. Ha ha ha... well you'd get it if you'd ever been to Moab IV."
:- Vassery and Freeman
"Mariner, jeez, you've been weathering that stem bolt for so long, it probably can't even self-seal anymore. What's up?"
"Nothing. I'm doing great. Ransom is supportive of everything I wanna do, for the first time in years, I have total autonomy and zero complaints."
"So why are you sitting here looking pissed off?"
"Stop staring at me. Shut up."
:- Boimler and Mariner
"Wow, it's like what heaven would look like if God was stupid."
:- Mariner, about Ferenginar
"Now, Mr. Grand Nagus..."
"Just Nagus."
"Sorry. Nagus..."
"Graaand Nagus."
:- Vassery and Rom
"So much lost income! Is there no justice in this galaxy?!"
:- Ferengi mourner
"Sorry I cost you money, and got you punched."
"Mariner, I love you, but, you need to figure out whatever eating you up inside."
- Mariner and Quimp
"Can I interest you in our homewrecker package?"
"Ho-ho! You don't have to throw up in my mouth twice. Let's do it."
:- Parth and Migleemo
==Background information==
===Title===
* The title derives from the name of the British comedy horror miniseries .
=== Production ===
While Boimler is watching Pog and Dar: Landlord Cops, the episode briefly breaks the fourth wall as he comments on the product placement in the show, "Oh, they put commercials
in the shows? It's like mind control." As the is said, the wall art behind him, which looks like the Paramount Pictures mountain, sparkles momentarily. Other subtle references to CBS have previously appeared in the form of its logo appearing at the Daystrom Institute in , et al.
=== Cast and characters ===
* This episode marks the return of Admiral Vassery and Quimp who appeared in the Season 1 episodes and .
* Max Grodénchik and Chase Masterson reprise their roles of Rom and Leeta, after last portraying the characters onscreen in the penultimate episode in . Rom became Grand Nagus in that episode.
** Previously, both actors reprised their roles for the Star Trek Online expansion "Victory is Life" in .
===Continuity===
* This episode is the first time Ferenginar is shown from space.
* Vassery describes Rom and Leeta's reforms to Ferenginar society by referencing Moab IV, the site of the Genome colony's artificial biosphere shown in .
* This episode depicts the first appearance of a Hupyrian female.
* Rom's love of baseball is a reference to where he played for Benjamin Sisko's baseball team. 
* At the bar, Mariner orders a drink called the "dagger of the mind" referencing the episode of the same name.
* Rule of Acquisition #8 ("Small print leads to large risk") first appeared in the reference book The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition written by Ira Steven Behr in .
* Quark's franchising is further seen via Quark's Federation Experience Bar & Grill.
==Links and references==
===Starring===
* Tawny Newsome as Beckett Mariner
* Jack Quaid as Brad Boimler
* Noël Wells as
** D'Vana Tendi
** Ferengi herald
* Eugene Cordero as
** Sam Rutherford
** Blongo
* Dawnn Lewis as
** Carol Freeman
** Blongo's co-worker
* Jerry O'Connell as
** Jack Ransom
** 
* Fred Tatasciore as
** Vassery
** Ferengi biker
** Gem's first officer
* Gillian Vigman as Dominion War Memorial mourner
===Special guest stars===
* Max Grodénchik as "Rom"
* Chase Masterson as "Leeta"
===Guest cast===
* Eric Bauza as
** Dar
** 
** Jeef
* Dave Foley as Parth
* Tom Kenny as
** Quimp
** Announcer 
* Paul F. Tompkins as Migleemo
;Characters with unidentified voice actors
* Ferengi local authority
* Gem's ship crewman
* Grub Brunch patron 
* Pog & Dar tenant 1 
* Pog & Dar tenant 2
* Slug-o-Cola commercial female
* Starfleet Experience Bar & Grill patron 
===Background characters===
;USS Cerritos
* Shaxs
* Human ops lt 4
* Human ops lt 6
* Human sci lt 7
;Ferengi viewscreen
* Pog & Dar tenant's pet canine
* Slug-o-Cola commercial males 1 and 2
;Ferenginar
* Dominion War Memorial visitors
* Ferengi biker gang
* Ferengi security ensigns 1 and 2
* Grub Brunch patrons
* Grub Brunch waiter
* Hupyrian valet
* Lobe's Lodge bellhops
* Lobe's Lodge visitors
* Starfleet Experience Bar & Grill servers
;USS Toronto
* Human cmd ens
* Human ops ens
===References===
12-hour clock; 14th century; admiral; airlock; Alfa 177 canine; alien; All You Can @#$%!; Aquire Pour Homme; authorities; Bajoran; bar (aka cantinas, pubs, saloons); bartender; baseball; (object); batting cages; biker gang; blind box; blood; ; book; bribe; brunch; bust of good fortune; ; captain; (title); captain's log; Cardassian tequila; ; chair; chaos; chef; child; chocolate; coffee; commander; commercial (aka "commer-seal"); contract; cop; cousin; cowboy hat; crashing; dabo; dagger of the mind; dinner; discount; disruptors (Cardassian disruptor; Klingon disruptor; Romulan disruptor pistol); divorced; doctor; dom-jot; dome; Dominion War Memorial; energy whip; ensign; ; eyes; Federation Council; felonies; Ferengi; Ferengi Alliance; Ferengi Center for Forged Arts; Ferengi Hall of Fame; Ferengi hand phaser; Ferengi language; Ferengi shuttle (unnamed); Ferenginar; Ferenginar Historic Public Library; fired; First Clerk; Folsom point; foodie archives; friend; ; gambling; Gem's cousin; Gem's starship; Genesis Device; God; Grand Nagus (aka Nagus); Grand Nagus' staff; green; Guardian of Forever; gums; haggling; hair; hamburgers; ; Heaven; History of Dabo; holo-novel (aka holo-novel program); homeworld; Honus; hotel; hours; hug-cierge; Human; Hupyrian; husband; income; ; invoice; itinerary; jail; Jefferies tube; kissy; Klingon; ; landlord; lasso; latinum; Latinum Lost!!!; law; lease; liars; lieutenant; lieutenant junior grade (aka LJG); life; lingerie; lips; liquors; Lobe's Lodge; Lonz; love; lying; machine; marriage; Maximum Oo-Mox Rub Dungeon; Migleemo's homeworld; Migleemo's species; Milky Way Galaxy; minibar; misery; Moab IV; monocle; moon shuttle (unnamed); muffin; mugato; museum (Museum of Bribery; Museum of Gambling; Museum of Haggling); Nilm; Nova One; nudity; numbers; nurse; (unnamed); officer; "on the rocks"; Orion; PADD; palace; parking meter; ; partner; people; pet; pip; planet; platonic; Pog & Dar: Cop Landlords; pounds; public library; Qo'noS; quadrant (Alpha Quadrant); Quark's Federation Experience Bar & Grill (aka Starfleet Experience Bar & Grill); red alert; Red Shirts; restaurant; Rules of Acquisition; schedule; Sequoia; shot glass; shuttle (unnamed); sitcom; skunk; slicker; Slug-nasium; Slug-o-Bar; Slug-o-Chips; Slug-o-Cola; Slug-o-Cola mascot; spear; Spock; "stand down"; stardate; Starfleet; Starfleet Command; Starfleet delta; Starfleet uniform (2250s-early 2270s); Starfleet uniform (2350s-2370s); Starfleet uniform (early 2380s); subaquatic sulfur mines; swimming pool; Taurus II anthropoid; Ten Forward; toilet; toothbrush; ; travel guide duty; Type 6A shuttlecraft; Uncle Quark's Youth Casino; United Federation of Planets (aka Federation); unity; velour; viewscreen; ; waiter; Westlake; wife; Will They, Won't They?; years
===External links===
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Category:LD episodes
de:Parth Ferengis Lieblingsort