2016 Power Rankings-Week 9

== Introduction ==
I hate fantasy football.
I love fantasy football.
This week the top four teams made a statement, averaging 232.92 each, while the bottom six averaged 191.81. With a win, TSB moves back into first place. With the loss, GBM’s buffer has been blown and they are another loss away from potentially falling out of the bye spot. The league’s only five game win streak and five game losing streak were both snapped. But now two new teams step into the gun range, one with five straight wins and the other with five straight losses. MVP is the third team this season to record five in a row in the win column. Dee is the second to hit five straight losses after the previous five game-in-a-row loser knocked them off in week 8. After a wild one over the weekend we are reloaded with five fantastic matchups. The season is screaming towards its close and several teams are very close to clinching spots in the big dance.
== Reign Maker Reigns Supreme ==
MVP, the artist formerly known as Reign Maker, sits atop the throne in wins and now points scored. This week they passed MMMS for the most combined points ever scored. It’s almost like they’re....back...
== Yahoo Stat Tracker ==
Been meaning to say this for weeks. DO NOT TRUST THE STAT TRACKER. I don’t know what the deal is this season but the stat tracker is wrong about every matchup by anywhere from 10-30 points every week, and I can’t figure out why. My best guess is there are certain stats not being tracked, like yard bonuses. There is no consistency to the discrepancies so if you are in a close matchup your best bet is to refresh your app or if you’re on a computer, refresh your matchup page. Stat Tracker is about as reliable as Arian Foster post-2012 (may his career RIP in peace).
== Stat Notes ==
* The Shotti Bunch passes Papa’s Posse for 7th all-time in combined points scored. I probably don’t need to remind you that Shotti has played one less season than the Posse.
* GBM becomes the 5th team to reach 17,000 combined points scored.
* Peeled Eggplant becomes the 2nd team to reach 15,000 regular season points against.
* Peeled Eggplant becomes the 4th team to reach 15,000 regular season points scored. Hmmm…
* Peeled Eggplant becomes the 5th team to reach 40 combined losses.
* Paddock 9 becomes the 6th team to reach 14,000 regular season points scored.
== SurvivorGate ==
So for those not in the know, RIP and TSB had a ten point bet going over the weekend. The winner of the Survivor pool would get ten points added to their final score. With Nate behind by 11, Shotti lost Survivor by picking Minnesota. Now if Nate had been down 10 or less, those 10 points added would sway the matchup. But since he was losing either way, I felt like there is no point to adding the 10. That being said, I put myself in a tough position by allowing this and Nate is still entitled to those ten points against Shotti. Since this was a bet between the two teams, I am forbidding the ten point swing to affect any of the other 8 teams in seeding. However, I have decided as Lord and Savior to deal with this league sanctioned bet as follows:
In the case of a tie in record between The Shotti Bunch and RIPDab at the end of the season, if (and only if) the difference in total points scored is less than 10 in Shotti’s favor, I will award RIP the ten points. I’m hedging my bet here and hoping that these 10 points don’t become a bigger deal than they actually are.
== Survivor Update ==
If the last section didn’t make it clear, Nate is our Survivor champion! As expected, Nate wants to know what he wins. Well I’m not about to start dishing out points left and right for extracurricular activities and ruining the purity of the league (as Zach alluded to in the Facebook thread). HOWEVER...HOW….EVER….I am the Golden God of Fantasy Commissioners and no victory should go without reward. I felt the fairest way to award Nate without money and without screwing over the rest of us was to allow Nate to hand pick his first three opponents in 2017. I don’t see any harm in this. We all play each other once anyway. This way Nate can decide who he thinks he has the best chance of starting 3-0 against, but it also doesn’t really guarantee him any points or wins or money. Text me if you see an issue but I don’t think this awards any competitive advantage except in Nate’s head.
== Power Rankings ==
=== 1(1). The Shotti Bunch ===
Magic Number - 3
Bench Points - 37.60
TPS - 276.74
2015 Week 9 Ranking - 2
Shotti reminds Nate why TSB is the New England Patriots and RIP is simply the Buffalo Bills, an annoying little gnat that occasionally comes close to overthrowing the king but not quite. We knew Shotti’s fall from the top wouldn’t last long, but do they have what it takes to get the win this week? Brady, Miller, Green, their kicker Hopkins, and Arizona Defense are all on the bye. Three more guys on the bench also had byes, leading to an overhaul that has left them sans a kicker. This is the most human we have seen TSB, whose roster now looks as vulnerable as everyone else’s. Amazingly, they are still projected to win. The loss to momma wouldn’t hurt Shotti all that much, although a poor performance could cost him the league lead in points, which may make the difference between a one, two or three seed down the stretch.
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=== 2(4). HELLEVATOR MVP ===
Magic Number - 4
Bench Points - 39.50
TPS - 283.64
2015 Week 9 Ranking - 5
When your QB throws for three-tenths of a mile, there is a good chance you’re going to win. You have to hand it to the Raiders, they are this season’s “don’t give a fuck” team. Look at this from ESPN’s Dan Graziano: The defense had 12 men on the field twice on Tampa Bay's game-tying drive in the fourth quarter, then just nine for the two-point conversion. Think about that. The Raiders literally don't care how many players they use on defense… And I have to say, I’m starting to feel like MVP is very similar to the Raiders. They have some monster numbers out of their WR1, QB1, and RB1. This week their bottom three guys scored just 15.53 points compared to GBM’s 26. Their top three scored 140.98 vs. GBM’s 99.45. It is hard to tell where Carr ranks on the all-time list for our league but I can say this: Carr outscored Matt Ryan’s historic day by 2.23 points. However, the passing yards falls four short of the league record set by GBM and Tom Brady in week one of 2011. All in all probably a top three or four day for a starter in this league. Incredibl(y bad luck for me)e day for MVP. With five wins they have matched their total of 2015 and I dare say one more win and this team is all the way back.
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=== 3(3). RIPDab ===
Magic Number - 5
Bench Points - 43.7
TPS - 272.10
2015 Week 9 Ranking - 4
This one had to sting a little. It may have been better if RIP lost by 90. At least then they wouldn’t have to second guess their choices. Does anyone else wonder how Nate decides which Bengals RB to start week to week? Hill has outscored Bernard five of the first eight weeks but has only started twice. That’s almost as dumb as GBM benching their lead WR two times in the last three weeks. All this but still in fourth place with two crucial games coming up against the first and second place teams, after which they play three of the four teams below .500. Ultimately, RIP may have won if TY Hilton hadn’t been sidelined for a series or two with a hamstring injury. RIP will start their fifth QB this week (Prescott (subject to change)) as well as their sixth defense (Atlanta (also subject to change)).
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===4(2). Garoppoblow Me===
Magic Number - 3
Bench Points - 77.80
TPS - 297.78
2015 Week 9 Ranking - 1
This loss was a long time coming. For the second time this season, GBM benched what would have been an easy win. But we know all too well that fantasy is more than just having the best combined roster. It’s about being smart enough to make difficult choices. The better team will ultimately have the best combination of a solid roster and sound decision making. This week, GBM sat a 43 point defense and a 34-point WR. As commish, not only do I have to live with my mistakes, but I have the benefit of having record of making those same mistakes over and over again. Here is me two weeks ago: Bill Belichick said it best: coaches lose games, players win them. Crowder rode the pine this weekend despite being...brace yourselves for this one...GBM’s top scoring wide receiver. Not just on Sunday. No. Crowder is the leading scorer for GBMs WR corp ON THE SEASON! I mean how stupid can you get? You start your top receiver. Sometimes I don’t understand my own brain. Anyway, GBM has gotten away with some dumb ones this season so it is only right that a moronic decision finally cost them a win.
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=== 5(5). Paddock 9 ===
Magic Number - 5
Bench Points - 6.48
TPS - 224.78
2015 Week 9 Ranking - 6
I can’t tell you how upset I am that I didn’t make a “Paddock 9, more like Paddock 9th place” joke when I had the chance. Now it seems the time for joking has come and gone. Sure, P9 had a win streak last season, too. But numbers do not lie. P9 has crossed the 200-point threshold five times this season, a feat they managed only four times all of last season. As for that megatrade? How about 50 points from their newly acquired Denver defense vs. 17 points from the Cincy defense they offed to momma? P9’s margin of victory was 19.57. The 33 point difference by the defense gave P9 their first win against Jar Jar Stinks in franchise history. P9 hasn’t won three straight since 2012, the only time they had a team in the playoffs. But this is the craziest stat of all in my opinion: this is the first time in franchise history that Paddock 9 has had 4 wins through 8 weeks. P9 reached .500 in week 10 of 2012 but never since. In 2013 they started 3-3 but then lost three straight. Take that away and they have only been at or above .500 for three games in their ENTIRE FRANCHISE HISTORY! This is by far the best season in the franchise’s existence. RIP in Peace to the shopping cart with L’s...unless they lose to Zach, then the shopping cart is back.
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===6(8). Papa’s Posse ===
Magic Number - 5
Bench Points - 42.12
TPS - 235.38
2015 Week 9 Ranking - 9
OH MY...OH MY GOD! THAT’S PAPA’S POSSE’S’ MUSIC!
On Halloween night, the mangled corpse of Papa’s Posse rose, reanimated, from its grave and claimed its first victim: Peeled Eggplant’s dignity. Late additions came through huge for Papa. First, Rob Kelley came through with a four yard TD burst in London to beat his projection. Then PP was at the Georgia Dome to watch Sanu grab a game winning touchdown to double up on his projection. But it was the day one Diggs who sealed the deal on Monday night. After Alshon Jeffery scored a touchdown it looked like the Posse was cooked, but Diggs dug Papa out of the hole with a garbage score in the fourth with time running out. This could be the second time Papa is involved in a season’s tightest game. We all remember 2014’s week one loss to ma ma momma said by 0.02 points. What are the chances that Papa can keep this going? Three of their last five games are against teams below them in the standings.
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===7(7). Jar Jar Stinks===
Bench Points - 45.68
TPS - 244.41
2015 Week 9 Ranking - 8
Let’s take a look at Jar Jar’s highlights:
Jar Jar is 4-6 against his remaining opponents, a win percentage of 40%. They will need to win 60% of those games to have a chance at the playoffs. If Paddock 9 doesn’t make that trade, we’re sitting here talking about Jar Jar the way we are talking about P9 and Papa. But if if was a skiff we could all go for a ride. What went wrong for Jar Jar? I’d say that everyone on the team performed good, not great. There was no stand out star this week, with Dez Bryant’s return being the obvious highlight. However, there was really only one player I’d say drastically underperformed and that’s Mike Evans. Even Gostkowski, whose kicks were described eloquently by Jerry Thornton as “changing direction like the Millenium Falcon swerving its way through an asteroid field,” managed to beat his projection. There is no team maybe on earth with less RB depth than Jar Jar. They will have to travel to a galaxy far, far away to find a suitable replacement for Chris Thompson this week.
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=== 8(6). Peeled Eggplant ===
Bench Points - 54.31
TPS - 247.17
2015 Week 9 Ranking - 10
You think PE is sick of playing Papa’s Posse and the DiGennaros in general? Earlier this season they suffered a loss by 3.49. How do you follow that up? With a loss to Papa’s Posse in week 9 by 0.40. With an average margin of defeat of 1.95, PE has to be day dreaming of playing GBM and being blown out by 106 points. After five straight games over 200, PE now hasn’t broken the threshold since October 10th. No team in the NFC West has won a game since October 17. Which do you think happens first? PE over 200 or half the West winning a game in the same week?
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===9(10). Ma ma momma said===
Bench Points - 30.70
TPS - 210.08
2015 Week 9 Ranking - 3
Momma not being dead is probably my favorite storyline heading into week 9. Between Ajayi coming off the bye to debut as a momma, the 6 through 9 teams all playing each other this week, and Shotti’s roster lubed up for a good fucking come Sunday, momma could find themselves at 3-6 and only one game out of the 6 seed with four left to play. The big hurdle for this team will be the points scored. They currently sit 10th in scoring, behind 9th-place scorer Dee by 147.08 points. If they win out and don't get in I'll be shocked, but in all fairness I'll be shocked if they win out.
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=== 10(9). Deez Sons of Bitchez ===
Bench Points - 58.36
TPS - 226.66
2015 Week 9 Ranking - 7
The case can be made that no team has been dominated by another team more than Dee has by momma. Dee is now 0-6 lifetime with a head-to-head score of 1442.25-1074.47, including a 105.82 point dismantling in the quarterfinals last season. Even in a season where momma can’t win a game, they find a way to beat Dee. Dee has learned, in back to back seasons, not to let winning three wins to start the season get you feeling too cocky.  I mean I have to tell you, I didn’t even realize Drew Brees put up 71 fantasy points against Carolina a couple weeks ago. The rest of the team just did so fucking poorly. At least drafting Jamaal Charles worha….workhaha….worked out for yabahahhahahahahahahahahahaha.
== Theme of the Week - Revenge ==
This is the week I have most looked forward to this season: Revenge Week. Every game is a rematch from last season’s playoffs. Headlining the bloodbath is the Championship Game rematch, The Shotti Bunch vs. ma ma momma said. These two already played earlier in the season and boy was it a nailbiter. Now TSB is on a three game win streak against MMMS after not being able to beat them at all for three years. With all those players on the bye I expect another close, albeit lower scoring, affair. The third place game rematch between Garoppoblow Me and RIPDab is also a marquee matchup. Both are coming off crushing losses against teams they really couldn’t afford to lose against. Now they cannot afford to lose to each other. Last season RIP won the third place game, can GBM enact some revenge? Moving forward, the fifth place game from last season was Papa’s Posse vs. Deez Sons of Bitchez. Last season they were battling for 5th, but this season they are fighting for 6th. These two bubble teams will need to win games like this one with powerful franchises coming to town down the road. Dee is on a five game losing streak and Papa finally broke out of their slump, but just barely. Last year’s 7th place game was between Jar Jar Stinks and Fire Goodell. Both are coming off tough losses and neither is currently in a playoff spot, though Jar Jar still sits in that unfortunate 7th place spot. Of all the matchups, this one has the most drastic of implications for the loser. The loser will have to go either undefeated or 3-1 in the final month to even have a chance at playoffs. Finally, last season’s 9th place game. And for that we turn to the Matchup of the Week:
== MATCHUP OF THE WEEK - Viva La Revolution! ==
The times, they are a-changin’. Last season, Paddock 9 and HELLEVATOR MVP met up to decide who would finish 10th. P9 won 222.05-168.55 to continue their streak of never finishing last, and MVP officially went from first to worst. But that was last year. Those were different teams and hell, those were different men. This year, both are wiser and stronger with better rosters and thicker beards. These two teams now have the league’s first and second longest active win streaks. Hell hath no fury like a Paddock 9 scorned. They are destroying the toughest opponents on their schedule like they are classified government e-mails on a private server. But regardless of opponent, a five game win streak speaks volumes, and MVP’s volume is cranked to 11. MVP has a tough choice to make at QB, with Big Ben possibly returning from injury against Baltimore and Carr up against Denver. There is also a question over whether Cobb and Ware will be ready on Sunday. For P9, Landry will make his debut against the Jets and Booker will try to make it three straight games over 20 points. Projection thus far gives P9, the 4-4, a 27.10 point edge over the 5-3 MVP. Win or lose, both teams have a high probability of making playoffs. That being said, the winner will be immediately considered a serious contender.