The Implant

The Implant is the fifty-seventh prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls.
==Transcript==
(ringback tone)
Woman: Good morning, Law Offices. May I help you?
Milton: Oh, thank God you've answered! This is Milton- is this the law firm that's handling the big lawsuit with those penile implants?
Woman: Yes, it is.
Milton: Oh, my implant's like a living Hell. Maybe I should go ahead and tell you why I had to get this implant in the first place.
Woman: Well, sir, that's not necessary. What you should do is...
Milton: Well, good! Thanks for being so understanding! It happened several years ago- I was working as a bank teller at the Sun Bank over on Fletcher. I was one of those drive-thru tellers and I accidentally got my crotch caught in that vacuum suction tube.
Woman: Oh, sir...
Milton: (suction noises) You know the thing? (imitates drive-thru teller pneumatic tube) You know the thing you put your money in?
Woman: Sir, you really should be talking to somebody else...
Milton: Well, listen! After the freak accident, I had to get one of those implant devices, but they should've left my crotch in the mangled condition, cause now it's even worse! It's spinning around like an out-of-control carnival ride! My implant is acting like the Tilt-a-Whirl or the-
(implant hits the phone cord)
Milton: Hello, are you there?
Woman: Hello?
(implant knocks phone cord again)
Milton: Hello?!
Woman: Hello?
Milton: Oh! It just hit the phone cord! It almost yanked it out of the wall!
Woman: Sir, maybe...
(implant knocks a glass of prune juice of a table, glass shatters)
Woman: Hello? Sir?
Milton: God! Did you hear that?!
Woman: Yes sir, maybe you should-
Milton: It just swung around and knocked the glass of prune juice right off the table! The carpet's all stained now!
Woman: Well, maybe you should call...
Milton: This thing is out of control!
(implant knocks the phone out of Milton's hand)
Milton: Oh! Hold on!
Woman: Hello?
Milton: Oh, hold on! It-it knocked the phone out of my hand!
Woman: Sir, are you okay? Maybe you should call the hospital or...
Milton: Hold on a sec!
Woman: Hello?
Milton: Hel-he-hold on! Gee!
Woman: Sir, maybe you should call back tomorrow...
Milton: It knocked the receiver right out of my hands! This implant device is like Satan or something like that-
(implant starts hitting phone keypad)
Milton: Oh, geez!
Woman: Hello?
Milton: Hold on, it's hitting the keypad!
Woman: Sir, maybe you should call back tomorrow, okay?
Milton: Hold on, it's hitting the keypad!
Woman: Okay, call back-
(cutoff)
(ringback tone)
==Trivia==
*A penile implant is a surgically-implanted device often used for treatment for various penile disorders.
*Sun Bank is a shortened name for the Sun National Bank, a New Jersey-based bank company. This would most likely mean that Milton was living somewhere in New Jersey when he had his accident.
*The device Milton is referring to at the bank is a pneumatic tube.
*A Tilt-A-Whirl is a kind of amusement park flat ride.
*Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3crhKajCS0
Category:Prank calls