The New Guy

The season 2 premiere of Show! Enjoy!
==Script==
*(Rack, NH, US and Rig are getting off the plane.)
*US: Finally! I needed my butt groove back!
*(US stretches.)
*NH: I must say I was mildly uncomfortable in those seats.
*Rig: Those seats made my butt feel funny.
*Rack: I will admit those seats were not comfortable, but at least we're home.
*(The four walk to US's office.)
*Dep. Mayor: Miss US! Are you okay?! Did someone shoot you, attack you, bite you, anything?!
*US: Chill bro. Someone did bite me, but I bit 'em back with my strong teeth. I can defend myself.
*Dep. Mayor: Good. 'Cause I was so worried! Also, how come you didn't bring me along?
*Rack: There wasn't enough roo-.
*US: Because you're boring.
*(Rack hits US with his shoulder.)
*US: Is that a challenge?!
*(US karate chops Rack's head.)
*Rack: Ow............
*US: Piece of cake.
*Dep. Mayor: Oh......... well, let's get back with our lives........
*(Later. NH and Rig are walking on the street.)
*NH: Hm, I'm wondering what our plan this time should be..........
*Rig: I like potatoes.
*NH: Hm......... Huh! What are these?!
*(NH notices two top hats, mustaches and monocles.)
*NH: (Evilly smiles): Excellent.
*Rig: Egg salad? That gives me the pooties!
*NH: Be quiet.
*Rig: Okie dokie!
*(Rig stands still.)
*NH: Anyway...... time to devise a plan!
*(NH leaves.)
*(Rig is still still.)
*Rig: I gotta go pootie.
*(NH comes back, carrying her.)
*(Cut to US. She's sitting in her office. The Dep. Mayor then comes in.)
*Dep. Mayor: Ma'am, we have a problem.
*US: What?
*Dep. Mayor: (Reading paper): It says here the entire education budget was spent on................. bacon.
*(US whistles and leaves her office, and comes back in.)
*US: Wait, this is my office. Get out. There will be no more discussion of this.
*Dep. Mayor: Okay Miss US....... (Takes paper off, revealing mustache)
*US: MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL VIRGIN EYES!
*Dep. Mayor: But you're preg-.
*US: Virgin! Get that hairy worm out of my face! Do you want my eyes to bleed?!
*Dep. Mayor: I think it's cute, but fine then!
*(The Dep. Mayor leaves.)
*US: It's okay eyes. The hairy worm is gone now.
*(Cut back to NH. He is now wearing a mustache, top hat and a monocle.)
*NH: I must say, I'm devilishly handsome with a mustache. Now, where did Rig go?
*(NH searches for Rig.)
*NH: Where is that nincompoop?
*(A human walks by.)
*(NH hides in a bush.)
*Rig: Hi people!
*(NH grabs her by his hand and the two are in a bush.)
*NH: Rig, what are you doing?!
*Rig: Makin' tire pie! Want some?
*NH: No! I meant, don't do that around humans! They'll notice you and ruin the mission!
*Rig: I have no idea what you just said. Want some tire pie? And how come you have a mustache, top hat and a monocle?
*NH: It's because, we're going incognito.
*Rig: Alright, but how are we gonna get into a cog that says "neat-o"?
*NH: No! I'm saying, we're going to be in disguise!
*Rig: Oh, okie dokie! Do you have another pair of that stuff?
*NH: Yerp. Here you go.
*(NH gives Rig the other mustache, top hat and monocle. Rig quickly puts it on.)
*Rig: Yay, I'm a man!
*NH: Mm.......
*Rig: What should our names be?
*NH: Eh, I'll think of mine later.
*Rig: I'll be Steve!
*NH: You do that. So, I'll be a fancy nudist doctor and be of royalty, while you'll be my fancy nudist assistant nurse and royal subject and jester.
*Rig: I'm not any of those things though.
*NH: Is Steve any of them then?
*Rig: Hm, let me talk to him.
*(Rig whispers to herself.)
*(NH facepalms.)
*Rig: Okay, I talked to Steve, and he says he is all of that.
*NH: Perfect. Now, let's start our perfect plan.
*(Cut back to US.)
*(Rack comes in.)
*Rack: Hey US!
*US: GAH! MY EYES! RACLK, SHAVE THAT HAIRY WORM OFF NOW!
*Rack: Why? I don't want to shave off Rack Jr........
*US: I don't care! Just burn that thing or something!
*(The Dep. Mayor comes in.)
*Dep. Mayor: Miss US, the-.
*US: MY EYES! Guys, get out and stay out until you shave those hairy worms off!
*Rack & Dep. Mayor: FINE!
*(Rack and the Dep. Mayor leave.)
*(Cut to NH and Rig. Rack bumps into NH.)
*Rack: Oh, sorry. Let me help you.
*NH: I'm fine.
*Rack: Huh, you look a lot like NH.
*NH: NH? Who's NH?
*Rack: My doggoe. He looks a lot like you.
*NH: Nooooo. NH doesn't have a mustache.
*Rack: Still, you do seem a lot like doggie.
*NH: Dog?
*Rack: Yep.
*NH: I have no idea who you're talking about.
*Rack: Are you sure? You're a lot like him.
*NH: You must have me confused with someone else.
*Rack: Well, who are you?
*NH: I am.... um....eh.....hmm... I am Sir Majesty lord Baron Duke Doctor Mr. Howard Max XXI and a fifth.
*Rack: That's quite a name.
*NH: That's just a nickname.
*Rack: I see. Nice mustache.
*NH: Thanks, I bought it at the....... I mean, I grew it.
*Rack: Hm, I'm still wondering how you look a lot like doggie.
*NH: I don't know.
*Rack: Well, I should check on my washing machine, bye!
*(Rack leaves.)
*NH: Perfect, this plan is working perfectly! I can taste it!
*Rig: What does it taste like? Pie?
*NH: Forget it. Let's find a hospital and royal chairs.
*(Cut back to US.)
*US: (wearing goggles): These should protect me from these hairy worms.
*(NH and Rig get into her office.)
*US: AGH! MY EYES ARE RUINED! SHOO! GO AWAY!
*NH: I'm sorry to trouble you mayor, but where is the nearest hospital and shop? Us fancy nudists need to do our jobs.
*US: I don't know just get out!
*NH: Well. Come on, Steve, let's just look around town.
*Rig: Okie dokie NH!
*(NH facepalms.)
*(NH and Rig leave.)
*(Rack comes in.)
*Rack: Hey US.
*US: Raclk, what did I tell you? Until you shave that hairy worm off, you can't get in my office.
*Rack: He's not a hairy worm! He's Rack Jr.!
*US: Fine, you can stay. Just, stay where you are.
*Rack: Uh, okay...........
*US: Anyway, I must vent with you.
*Rack: What's wrong?
*US: These two fancy new guys came in my office, and they're nudists! They were looking for a hospital and a shop for some reason. I mean, it's bad enough they're naked and gross, but they have MUSTACHES! I already hate them!
*Rack: Come on, US. Nudists are really nice people. And mustaches are cute! Especially Rack Jr.! Just give them a chance.
*US: Oh no.......... YOU'RE ONE OF THEM! GET OUT AND STAY OUT!
*(US literally kicks Rack out.)
*Rack: Ow.......... I wonder what's gotten into her lately.......
*(Cut to NH and Rig. A montage plays of the two venturing through the city, trying to find a hospital and a shop.)
*Woman: Ugh! Those nudists are disgusting!
*NH: (Moves monocle around): Deal with it.
*"Woman": (Sounds like a guy): You seem a little too feminine for a guy.
*Rig: You seem a little too manly for a girl.
*"Woman": Crap! She found out!
*NH: I found them! Huh. Who knew they would put a hospital and a shop next to each other?
*(Shows the hospital and shop next to each other.)
*NH: We'll go to the shop first. I want to be of (Rolling tongue) royalty.
*Rig: I don't think I can do that.
*NH: Let's just get inside.
*(The two get inside the shop.)
*NH: Get out of the way humans, Sir Majesty lord Baron Duke Doctor Mr. Howard Max XXI and a fifth coming through!
*Rig: And Steve too!
*(The two go on a montage of looking for a royal chair.)
*(NH finds one in the "Royal" section.)
*NH: Who knew?
*Rig: NH, I got ice cream, pie, cake, brownies, pizza and piggies!
*NH: RIG! We came for the sole purpose of getting a Royal chair!
*Rig: Oh, okie dokie.
*(Rig eats all the food she mentioned.)
*Rig: Mm......... So, how much for it?
*NH: Who cares? Let's just steal it!
*Rig: Oh, NH, stealing's not okay.
*NH: I'm evil. 'Nuff said.
*Rig: Fine, let's go.
*(NH and Rig leave the store.)
*NH: Now, let's go into the hospital.
*(NH and Rig go into the hospital.)
*(NH and Rig go to the secretary's desk.)
*NH: Where is the admission for doctors and nurses?
*(The secretary points to where.)
*(NH and Rig go there.)
*NH: It is I, Sir Majesty lord-eh, forget it. Anyway, I'm here now.
*Person: Good. Do you want some scrubs?
*NH: No, I'll take my chances. I'd rather be, nude. One with Mother Nature, you know?
*Person: Uh, okay....... and you?
*Rig: I'm Steve! His assistant nurse!
*Person: Would you like scrubs?
*Rig: Nah, Steve's a nudist.
*Person: Okay then.........
*(NH and Rig go into their doctor's office.)
*Rig: Ooh, what are these things?
*NH: Rig, don't touch them! Those are for the patients.
*Rig: I'm very patient.
*(NH facepalms.)
*(Rig uses a blood pressure cuff on her head and she keeps pressing the button to make it tighter.)
*NH: Rig! Take that off!
*Rig: Nah. Whoa, I feel heavy.
*(Rig hits all of the tools in the office and her head is entirely flat.)
*NH: Well, looks like I was right about you having a flat head.
*Rig: (muffled): Yep.
*(A person comes in.)
*NH: Ooh, my first patient!
*Man: Hey, doc. Do you like my pants?
*NH: Don't you know? Pants are demons!
*Man: Huh?
*NH: They will inflame your entire body, shut down your organs, muscles, heart and brain! They will kill you quite quickly! If you want to live, rip them off!
*Man: Whoa, I never knew that! (Rips them off) Thanks for saving me, doc! I feel better already!
*NH: It's what I do. Also, I recommend you being a nudist. Those itchy clothes won't bother you anymore and you'll feel a sweet breeze.
*Man: Okay doc!
*NH: But, please, do it when you get home.
*Man: Alright.
*(The Man leaves.)
*NH: Well, that's enough patients for today. Rig, let's live the royal life.
*Rig: Okie dokie!
*(NH and Rig leave the hospital.)
*(Later. NH is in his royal chair and Rig is entertaining him.)
*NH: Ah, perfect butt groove. Now, jester, amuse me!
*Rig: Okie dokie! Knock knock!
*NH: Who's there?
*Rig: Manure!
*NH: Manure who?
*Rig: Manure stupid!
*(Rig laughs and slaps her knee.)
*NH: (has a very angry face): Do another joke like that, and you're fired!
*Rig: When was I hired?
*NH: That's it! You're fired!
*Rig: Aw, play time's over already?
*(NH is mumbling unintelligible words.)
*NH: I'm bored. Let's ruin the mayor's eyes with our mustaches!
*Rig: Aw, I like US.
*NH: I don't care! Let's do it!
*Rig: Fine.........
*(Cut to US's office.)
*US: They better not get back in.......
*(The Dep. Mayor comes in.)
*US: GAH!
*(Rack comes in.)
*US: UGH!
*(NH and Rig come in.)
*US: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Okay, that's it! Now, take these hairy worms off your mouths!
*(US rips off Rack's first.)
*Rack: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Rack Jr.!
*(Rack goes on the ground in pain.)
*(US rips off the Dep. Mayor's.)
*Dep. Mayor: Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
*(The Dep. Mayor also goes on the ground in pain.)
*(US rips off NH's mustache.)
*NH Uh, I was never here.
*(NH runs away.)
*(Finally, US rips off Rig's mustache.)
*Rig: Aw, dress up's over already? I wanted to be a man longer.......
*US: Ah, perfect, now my precious beautiful virgin eyes are healed. Now, to write up a law banning them.
*(US starts writing up said law.)
*(Later. It shows a paper saying "MUSTACHES OFFICIALLY BANNED IN USVILLE.)
*?????: What happened to my top hat, mustache and monocle?
*?????: Yeah, what happened to mine?
*?????: We can't be fancy nudists without those.........
*(They search for their things.)
*THE END.
==Credits==
===Starring===
*Rackliffelikespurple as Rack
*New Heathera as NH
*Utter solitude as US
*Rigbybestie1510 as Rig
*People as People
===Writing===
*Written by: Rackliffelikespurple, New Heathera, Utter solitude and Rigbybestie1510
===Thanks===
To New Heathera, Utter solitude and Rigbybestie1510 for being the inspirations to the corresponding characters.
==Other==
I think this was a perfect season premiere.
Well, I hope you enjoyed it! :D
Category:Episodes