Solace

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‘I was just trying to be myself
Have it your way I'll meet you in hell
It's all these secrets that I shouldn't tell I've got to run away
It's hypocritical of you
Do as you say not as you do
I'll never be your perfect girl
I've got to run away’
~Pink''
I can feel my decent as it surrounds me slowly gripping me in its cold embrace as I am taken further down in to its depths.
I lay here next to her at night wondering what is happening to me as I drift back into my restless sleep; quietly praying that the night will never end and that I can stay with her this way forever.
I wake with as I feel its embrace take me again holding her in my arms briefly before I rise gently kissing her whispering in her tender ear ‘I love you my beloved, I will be back soon’ .
I slip into the leathered armour of the slayers ready for duty again pulling on the tabard of her enemies, gently breaking inside as pangs of guilt and sorrow fill me at the knowledge that she is hunted, with the knowledge that I know where she is, but will never betray my love.
I draw the vial from my bag and drink it down quickly as I draw my cloak on pulling up the cowl to hide my face from the guards as I lift the Massacre on to my back.
I ride in to the city my cheeks stained with tears realizing that I have to serve another day serving with those who will never know my pain and torment, whom hate and revile my love for what she is and fear for what she has become.
I approach the steps of the command centre taking a deep breath praying silently that it will be a quiet day as I draw back my cowl; I am only met by the familiar faces of those who my heart is growing to loathe.
I think to myself ‘Another day of service in the name of the justice’, if only they knew how much I hated this task. I shake my head trying to clear my mind of these thoughts as I notice Iana; a striking figure and the focus of my sorrow and rage. How can one so wise be blinded, I think to myself as I approach and sit at the long wooden table.
I take my journal out and begin to write my feelings with a look of guilt sweeping across my face as I know that I would do the same to her as she has done to my love.
The hours of the day seem to blur into one as night draws and I check the cells to see if there is anything I can do for Amy, the one I am married to, bound to with chains in my heart and mind.
Perhaps her father knows it’s best that she is embraced by the Crusade and not me; if he knew the truth surely I would be hunted as my love until I am brought to bear the marks of my own treachery.
Amy’s pleas for release fall on my ears like stone as I know it better for her to be there then to discover me in the arms and bed of my love.
I slowly walk the wooden floors as I feel the effects of the gift of Arthas fade from me and my aura change back to the retribution I feel is deserved against those who make me ache.
I enter the keep where I see her still sleeping as I remove the leathers that I bear tossing aside the traitorous tabard of my love slipping in beside her to feel her touch again.
How I have longed all day to feel her beside me as it used to be, longing for her touch and embrace as she tells me it will all be ok again as she rains kisses down on me smiling as she does making me feel that nothing can ever touch me as long as she is near me.
I want to run away from it all and be with her, but I know now that it cannot be that way without suffering and pain and the corruption of my own goodness.
*This is an IC look in to the Mind of Honoria, none of this however is public knowledge to be used in any IC situation as Honoria would not share these things publically.