ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers Season 1 Complete Full Length Version by Rhonda Kelly Films Inc.

Java. Right once, buy everything. Not Java, ABC. The Java is the software should be a software. Change the logo now! Coca-Cola. Do they mean the Super Bowl XLV champion, Coca-Cola? Don't remind me, Mary. I wanted Pittsburgh to win. Not Coca-Cola, ABC. Change it! Well, what are you waiting for? Okay, okay. Don't rush me. FedEx? FedEx? That logo should watch its delivery service. You idiot! You changed the wrong logo! Now get it right immediately! Now it's Lennox. I never used Lennox. Hey Mr. Shield, can you make the next logo use Lennox? As good as done, Mary. Of course, we all know Sam's Lennox is P-U. Buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! That's enough! Shield, you're not going to display Lennox or Lennox International or even International Lennox. You are under contract to display ABC and only DreamWorks Animation. I'm giving you one last chance. That does it! Shield, you're fired! Fired!? Fired!? I have only this to say to you: Sherlin Williams! I'm going to visit Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi at Cartoon Network. If he's fired, I quit. Sherlin Williams, Sam. Dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy! No, no, no! The ABC Logo is supposed to stop when the music starts, not fly away. Let's try it again. Uh-oh! Runaway circle! He didn't want to be detected by crooks. He's a goddanged show-off. Now let's try the logo again. All right shield, what are you trying to do to us? I just wanted to spice things up. You should know when to stop. Now let's try the logo again. Stop the music! This is the music for 2012! Now let's try it one more time. Jeez Louise! Who flipped the frame? Sorry. I hit a bump in the road. Well, that explains it. Let's break for lunch. B-backwards N-D? What the heck kind of weird-butt name is that? Looks like a Buddha. If this Buddha can bend it, who needs Beckham? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Lorimar. Where have I heard that name before? I used to date her, but she dumped me for a foreign logo. Arm & Hammer! Arm & Hammer. They bring good things to life. What is this, a commercial? You can be sure... ...if it's Westinghouse. Get out of here, Westinghouse! This is not a commercial production. What are you talking about? This is a free country, isn't it? Out out out out out! O-U-T! Out! Sam, Sam, Sam. Why must you be so rude to our guests? Shut up, you buttwipe! Tenet. I used to own a Tenet set. I was expecting Tenet Healthcare myself. Get out! No more commercial plugs in an ident! Period! Parker. How do you Parker? I Parker very well. Now this is getting racy. I agree. What else could come up? The Viacom V of Doom? Oh noes! I shouldn't have said that! [POW!] [BLAM!] Jeez Louise! Did you see that? I don't believe it. The V of Doom just ran Microsoft Sam over like a steamroller. Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam. Did you get the license of that truck? Let's get Sam to a hospital. Windows Vista? That's not right. That's wrong! It should be ABC, not Windows Vista. Windows Vista makes me think of a computer. Speak for yourself, Mike. I just used the restroom a couple of minutes ago. I can tell. I can smell it from a mile away. P-U. Now that's silly. Who ever heard of a WWW ABC Circle? World War? Wild Whiskey? Weird Willie? Wolf Whistle. Do that to me, Sam, and I'll slap you! Dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy! Now what in the heck is a BBB ABC Circle? I've heard of a BBB gun, but not a BBB ABC Circle. BBBBBBBBBBB! I hope they get it right this time. Goodwill? Goodwill? I don't want tuberculosis. Computer voices never catch tuberculosis. We don't even have lungs. Tuberculosis? Eewwwwww! They'd better get it right this time, or else! Oh no! Not BP! Anything but BP! I don't care if they cleaned up their image after that oil spill! I'm never getting gasoline from BP as long as I live! You hear me? Never! Now hear this! If you diss BP one more time, I'm going to beat you up! Screw you, BP! All right, you asked for it! [BLAM!!] Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam! He's out cold, Mary. We'll have to get him to the hospital. And look at the set. It's falling apart. We'll have to put up an OUT OF ORDER sign before we get Sam to the doctor. Great idea, Mike. Now let's go. What the heck is this? There are no captions in the circle! I agree with you, Sam. Circle, go back and get some captions. USPS? I thought UPS owned USPS, not American Broadcasting Service. USPS, UPS, FedEx. I get an envelope from USPS. Wrong logo. Change it. This is not Tylenol, this is ABC. Change it. [NBC Chimes] The following program is brought to you in Living Color on NBC. Oh, how cute. I love peacocks. I don't. I'm allergic to them. Ahhh... ahhh... Ahh-CHOOOO! Gesundheit. Ah, a new house. I've always wanted to live in a NET house. Keep it up, Sam, and you'll be living in a NUT house! As for you, NET House, go back and get me the ABC Logo! NOW! Mike, why must you be such a buttwipe? Sam, you sonofagun, I am not an f-ing buttwipe! You're a potty mouth, as well as a liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! ABC on Kool-Aid? That'd be new. Anything would be better than that crum that they are owned by Kraft Foods. Go! Go go go go go go go! Take it easy, Mike. It's not my fault we keep getting all the wrong logos. It could be worse, like the Screen Gems S from Heck. No no no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooo! Not that! Not the S from Heck! Let me outta here! Eeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-eaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... What's the matter with Sam? He's been terrified of scary logos. First the Viacom V of Doom, next the BP Shield, now the Screen Gems S from Heck. I think he needs professional help. I agree, Mary. Let's find him, then we'll seek out a psychiatrist. Hahahahahahahahahahah lol lol lol lol rofl rofl rofl rofl soi soi soi soi! What's so goddanged funny, Sam? The caption ABC is said came in without the circle. Hahhahahaahahahahahah! It just looks so exquisite that way. ABC 1968? The ABC 1968 logo in a 2007 ABC ID? They must be really ahead of their time. ABC 1968 Logo, this is a 2007 ABC ID and you don't come in until 1968. 1971? Didn't they make shoes? I take a size 9. 2007, not 1971! Now it's the ABC 1976. Our ABC logo can be ABC if Sam wasn't such a grouch. That doesn't come in until 1976. Go back and bring up the proper logo. Lionsgate? That didn't even exist in 2007. And this is supposed to be American Broadcasting Company. Get out of here now! Sam, Sam, Sam, why are you such a grouch? Who asked you, buttwipe? Stop calling me a buttwipe, you sonofagun! SketchUp has taken over American Broadcasting Service. I guess 3D will star in an ID soon. No more 3D, my friend, and I'm giving you one more chance. The Benjamin Moore Paints in an ABC ID! Now the Benjamin Moore Paints can let people paint their house. Sorry, but Benjamin Moore a couple of years ago. Paint substituted cyanide for Benjamin Moore's paint and beat the snot out of the one-eyed exterior. And they hanged paint for the *** of Benjamin Moore. There was not a dry eye in Sweethaven that day. Enough, all of you! And as for the idiot messing up the logos, you're fired! Now have you done it, Sam! Where are we going to find everyone to man the logo? There are plenty of other dragon in this fire. They come a dime a dozen. While we're looking for a replacement, let's break for lunch. All right! What's going on here? Hey---you with the captions! Who, me? Yes, you. You got the caption wrong. It's either ABC, not NBC. Go back and change it. Okay, boss. CBC? They should have stuck with NBC. I agree. Sounds like tunes for me--- NBC. Hee hee hee hee hee! That's W-R-O-N-G wrong. Start over. What's this? "CBA?" What the heck are you trying to do to me? I was trying to do the whole thing with mirrors. What you have is a mirror image. Go back and do it right. Well, tscha! Nobody appreciates creativity any more. Hey Sam, they finally gave you top billing. I knew they'd give Sam his due sooner or later. Only something's not right. What do you mean? I gave you your proper billing, didn't I? Not the title card you're showing now, the one before it. What's wrong with it? The word below the name is wrong. It should say nothing, not "ABC resents." It's not a mistake. American Broadcasting Company really does resent you! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Why you--- [BOOM!] Take it easy, Sam. He was just teasing you. Shut up, you buttwipe! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! 2 logos of ABC in an ident! How silly! Liberty Mutual! That's what I say! We need to talk. Yeah? Whatta you want to talk about, Sam? Not here. Meet me in my office in five minutes. Don't be too rough on him, Sam. He's only learning the ropes. I'm in charge and I'll do what I want. Besides, jobs like his come a dime a dozen. Cut! All right, what's going on here? Hey, you with the captions! Who, me? Yes, you. It's not supposed to be PBS; it's supposed to be ABC. Change it! No, it is not an improvement, but next time, it's not MGM, it's ABC and get it right, capeesh? As Steve Martin used to say, well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me! Hey Mike, look at the caption! WB. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's not funny, you buttwipe! One caption is supposed to have WB and the other ABC. Change it, or else! Tscha! I can't stand being "or elsed." What are you anyway, a comedian or something? Get it right! Now! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! "BBC!" That's rich! Ha ha ha ha ha! Yeah Mary, that's so funny! Ha ha ha ha ha! That does it! Caption guy, yoooooooooooou're fired! Fired? Fired? Screw you, Microsoft Sam! I'll see you in court! Take over, Mike. See if you can get it right, unlike that dime-a-dozen bum. Sorry, forgot to put the circle above the ABC Circle byline. I'll try again. Dang! Now I forgot the byline! I miss that dime-a-dozen bum already. Don't worry, Mike. All you need is a little more practice. Let's take a break. There, there, Sam. You're probably having one of those days. After the break, I'll see if we can get the old caption guy back before he sues us for wronngful termination. Dummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-my! Cut! Where's the BC? I see an A, but no BC. All right, you buttwipe! Where's the A? He had to take a leak. I don't give a flying caption! Go back and get me the A! All right, all right! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Windows Phone? What is this, an operating system? Windows Phone without phone? Eeewwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Not Windows Phone, you fool! ABC! Change it! NOW!! Charter. We must be in the service. Service must be hiding out someplace. Not Charter! ABC! ABC ABC ABC ABC ABC! All right! Can I help it if you act childish? Eucerin? I feel like I'm in a product. I'm all for going to the steam room when this program is over. So am I, but Sam better keep his towels dry. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Shut up, you dummy! And as for the circle guy, one more slip-up, and I'll have you transferred to the Pink Panther Show! Sam, Sam, Sam. What makes you act like such a grouch? That's none of your business, you buttwipe! I am not a buttwipe, you sonofagun! I'm not a sonofagun, you buttwipe! [BUZZER] And stop razzing me! That's what I say! Circle guy, you're fired! Fired!? Fired!? I'll sue you for every cent you've got, Microsoft Sam! It will only be frivolous because I fired that dime-a-dozen bum with cause! There, there, Sam. Let me try the shield zoom. Can't be any worse than that dime-a-dozen bum. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! Liar! Uh-oh! I had the picture upside down. I'll try to fix it. Later, Mary. Let's take a break. You need a vacation, Sam. Your nerves have been bothering you lately. Buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! I agree with you, Mike. She's having a good night. Oy vey! Cut, cut, cut! The ABC Logo is supposed to be 2007, not 2005. Sorry, Boss. I just got a little excited. You again!? I thought I fired you last episode. You did, but I filed a lawsuit against you and won, so here I am again. I see your point. Now, you better toe the line, or else! Remind me to fire my lawyers. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ohlins in ABC! I agree that it's funny, Mike. I guess we better pack our bags and move to Japan. We're not moving to Japan. Ohlins does not own American Broadcasting Company. Get me the proper logo! Now! Ragdoll is into ABC now? I can just see Teletubbies meeting Tob Bergeron. What the heck is the Ragdoll Productions doing in my ABC ident? Get out! Now! Now it's Dole that's trying to take over ABC. This sucks! I hate Dole, you hear? I hate Dole! I hate Dole! I hate Dole! Jeez Louise! I goofed again! Have mercy! Go! Go go go go go go go! And this time, stay outta my life forever! Oh yeah? Well, try this on for size, you buttwipe! Look, it's Red Dog. Those knuckleheads make me laugh! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What are you anyway, a Wisenheimer? I told you to get out of my life forever. I heard you fired your lawyers, so there's no way you can kick me out of here. I'll find a way to kick you out, all right. You just try. In the meantime, chew on this! Judas Priest! It's the Screen Gems S from Heck! I hate that infernal logo so much, I wanna barf all over it! What the heck? I'll do it now! [Sam barfing] Nice try, but you're still forever banned from working here under penalty of death. Okay, Sam. If you insist on barring me from my job, I'm using my secret weapon. Take that, you meany! Oh noes! It's that infernal Viacom V of Doom! Let me outta here! Eee-yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi! Not so fast there, Microsoft Sam! I was sent here to torment you. And if you don't re-hire me, Sam, the V of Doom will torment you forever! This is all your doing, you dime-a-dozen bum! I'll never re-hire you and this infernal V of Doom will never get away with--- Eee-yiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You leave Microsoft Sam alone, you infernal beasty! Do not interfere with justice, you buttwipe! That's enough, V of Doom! For tormenting Sam and insulting Mike, I'm letting you have it! Take that, you King Daddy of scary logos! [BOOM!!] Thanks, Mary. You saved my life. Speakonia Male 1, you're re-hired. I should have known better. Just don't threaten me with scary logos again. It's a deal, Sam. [NBC Chime] Oy vey! Now it's the NBC Snake. Next, they'll say "brought to you in Living Color." Brought to you in Living Color. Now cut that out! Judas Priest! Just back on the job, and already Sam's starting in on me again! Take it easy, Sam. He's been having a rough time lately, and so have you. I guess you're right, Mike. I think we could use nice relaxing vacation. Perhaps we can go to Spanish. Just then! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Cut! All right, circle guy, who are you trying to impress? I wanted to get a little creative. The logo is supposed to display 2009, not 2000. You'll get kids to poop in their pants. Poop in their pants? P-U! Look, Mary, it's Regal Cinemas. Regal Cinemas? Great! Now we can watch the movie uninterrupted, uncut and uncensored. I have one word for putting Regal Cinemas where ABC would normally be: uneducated. Take back the Regal Cinemas logo and get me the ABC Logo! Now! Zoom? That's nice. It used to be Zoom before it became. The Zoom meant TV series. Not Zoom, ABC. Take it back and bring up the right logo. ZenithOptimedia. Something is wrong. Yeah. That's why I sent the ZenithOptimedia out here. Something always goes wrong whenever Microsoft Sam shows up. You cheap sonofagun, this is not a *** flick. Get rid of the ZenithOptimedia and bring up the ABC Logo, or you'll be SOL. All right! Jeez Louise, you are such a grouch today! And my name is Microsoft Sam, not Jeez Louise. Calm down, Sam. You know he's trying as best he can. He's very trying, you buttwipe! You call me a buttwipe one more time, Sam, and I'll wipe your butt with a porcupine. Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! Microsoft Mike, why don't you accept the fact that you are a buttwipe and you can't change what you are because it's a fact you buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Sam? I'm okay, Mary. I just got so pissed off at Mike for objecting to my calling him a buttwipe. Be a little more careful who you call a buttwipe, you sonofagun! LabCorp. I use a laboratory. I use a not laboratory. This is not a commercial. Mongoose. I wonder if Tom Bergeron meets bicycle. I agree. What did I tell you about bicycles in an ident? Sorry, Sam, I misput the logo. Get that bicycle outta here! Now!! And if you give me one more bicycle, I'll make you ride a bike. A bike? Eeewwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Spanning the globe to bring you all the highlights in the Uper. The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. You fool! This is not Uper, this is ABC. Get me the proper logo, or I'll give you the agony of defeat! You didn't give me a commercial break, Sam! I've been running out of time and fifth so hard, I know setting again of deal. De ra deal. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! "Soi soi soi soi soi" himself. Very handsome tailor. Oh bother. Since you remembered food early, let's all take the lunch break. Cut! All right, what's the big idea? Tscha! This is supposed to be ABC, isn't it? True, but the logo is supposed to display "2007," not "1960." Go back and change it. All right, all right! Picky, picky, picky! Dulux? How loud do you think they are? AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! Mary, you don't have to yell! Sheesh! And it's not Dulux, it's ABC! Change it now! Shush the sheesh, Sam! Dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy! Royal Mail. They make strong movies, don't they? Not Royal Mail... ABC. Daniel Wellington. One dose and you'll go ABC. ABC! ABC! ABC! Sorry, wrong number. Sodastream? Are we on "Sodastream" all of a sudden? Do you pop out at parties? Are you unpoopular? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You buttwipe! This is 2007, and "Sodastream" doesn't come on until 1991. Correct the caption now, or I'll use the Sodastream! Sam, Sam, Sam, why must you always turn an ABC ID into your own personal sweatshop? Quit making insubordinate comments, you buttwipe! Tantrum coming on now. No no no no no no no no no no! Every time I try to calm Sam down, he acts like he's Genghis Khan! Well, I'm sick of this! Do you hear me? I'm sick of it! Sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun! [BOOM!] If I hear any more outbursts like that, it's over! No! No! No! Champion did not exist in 2007! Go back and get it right! Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Nascar does not own American Broadcasting Company nor does it own ABC! And that theme music doesn't come along until 2005! One more slip-up and it's the end! No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! How dare you pair rival studio logos together! This is the end! I'm not doing any more ABC! You're all fired! Do you hear me? F-I-R-E-D! Fired! Out! Out-out-out-out-out! And don't even bother counting the studio expecting your services, 'cause what's never forget to keep me busy! No no no no no no no! Just then that the please! Somebody knew on the bad light? We weren't her, Sam. If she thank she'll got rode away with looking for us looks like, she's getting yet another moreup. We got madness of Sam two of those nights. BUTTWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPE!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What's so funny, Mike? The ABC logo is acting like a 2004! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! 2004's are fun. I wish I watched one when I was a kid. Enough with the 2004's. I'm getting dizzy. EE has invaded ABC! Looks like we're in for an invasion of sitcoms. Sam would have a royal fit if he saw this logo in an ident. Could you try to get the ABC Logo back, please? Oops! Sorry, my bad. I'll see what I can do. Now it's Enterprise that's gone ABC. I can hardly wait to see Tom Bergeron being pals with car. Say good night, Enterprise! Good night, Enterprise! Who asked you? You're not funny and you're not Enterprise! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Ballantine's did not take over American Broadcasting Company. What are you trying to pull? I just wanted to see what would happen if Tom Bergeron met blended drink. When Microsoft Sam gets back, he's gonna hear about this and he'll give you your just deserts, but good! Judas Priest! Sam was right about you, Mike! You really are a total buttwipe! Don't you start! I am not a buttwipe, you sonofagun! If Sam were here, Mike, he'd make you a member of the Liars' Club! Firefox in ABC! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's not funny! Change it! Cutter & Buck. Must be rabbit season. Or maybe duck season. The hunter in the sky. Maybe he's looking for Ursa Major. Perhaps he'll find her near the North Star. Quality Inn? Quality Inn? This is a broadcast, not a kiddie book! Am-scray! Please, Mike, don't get all worked up over these bloopers like Sam does. That's none of your business, you dummy! Microsoft Mike! I won't have you calling me a dummy! Simmer down, Mary. At least he knows how I feel about these bloopers sometimes. Microsoft Sam! Back so soon? I never thought I'd say this, Sam, but thank God you've returned! So what brought you back here so soon? I took a detour and found myself in a bad place. I raced back here as fast as I could, but someone from that bad place is chasing me. And who's chasing you? So, Microsoft Sam! I've found you! Eek! It's the Devil! He's brought that Satan's Kingdom sign with him. Somebody do something! Protect me from this evil overseer of that infernal realm! Too late, Sam! You are condemned! Prepare for an eternity of pain! Oh no you don't, Satan! Take that! [BOOM!!] No no no no no no no no! Not that! Anything but that! Let me outta here! Eeee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Look at him run! He took one look at the God's Country sign and fled in terror! Sic semper evillis - thus always to evildoers. Well said, Sam. I must go now. Peace be with you. And also with you. It's great to be a back, Sam. You all threatened video. And has threatened them your agreed. I got an idea: now let Sam's back to the home, safe and life, let's all go out for Pizza Hut. Here RoflCopter it's all set up, Sam. All aboard! We're taking off! soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi All right! What are you, a comedian or something? What do you mean? The only thing that should in is the 2007 ABC ID, not 1997. So sue me! Sheesh! Shush the sheesh! Shishkabob! I'm warning you! All right, all right! Judas Priest! You really know how to make a guy feel like a buttwipe! Takes one to know one. ABC 1992. That's "Present." That's wrong! ABC 1983. I love this logo so much. That's wrong. Get it right! You buttwipe! I am not a buttwipe! Liar! You are too! The caption "The Beatles" does not in. Only the ABC Logo does, capeesh? I get it. 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment. I hope Conan's doing his Year 3000 routine tonight. Not 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment, American Broadcasting Company! Cinar. This production is charged with the bomb. I agree. If you mess with it, it might explode on you. [BOOM!!] I didn't mean it literally! Welcome to the club. This is not Microsoft Office! Get that PowerPoint outta here! I kind of like Microsoft Office myself. Anna! What are you doing here? I heard you were having trouble with the ABC 2007 logo, Sam, so I've come to help you out. Okay, Anna, I'll give you a chance. Anybody can do better than that dime-a-dozen bum. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! You are too! Oh bother! The captions are there, but not the circle. Don't worry, Anna. You'll get the hang of it sooner or later. I guess you're right, Sam. We'll try again later. I'm all for going out to lunch. Would you like to go McDonald's? I think we've been in McDonald's already. You are so funny, Sam! [Microsoft Anna laughing] All right, you buttwipe! What's the big idea? What do you mean? And why, in heaven's name, do you keep calling me a buttwipe? Because I can and I said so. Get that Google Maps outta here and get me the ABC Logo! Now!! Okay, you're the boss. And I am not a buttwipe! You are too a buttwipe and you know it! Buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Culver's? Oh bother! We're all out of Culver's. Don't worry, Mike. I'll buy some on the way home today. Where did Culver's come from? And it's not Culver's, it's ABC! Get it right or I'll spray the Culver's in your eyes! ABC upside 1975. ABC art will never die. What are you, a comedian or something? You said it's supposed to be ABC. Yes, but not the 1975 ABC. All right then, I'll get a concrete one. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! Why does he always do this to me? I'm sick and tired of all the bullcrum you give me! You buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm sorry, Anna. I just get so sick and tired of all the bullcrum Speakonia Male 1 gives me in these videos. It gets me so worked up and I'm always throwing tantrums. Don't worry, Sam. Just be calm like me. I'm as cool as the other side of the pillow. But not the pillow Sam drooled on last night. Sam drooled on the pillow? Gross! Eeewwwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Globe. Don't they distribute service, Abby? They sure do, Beulah. Next they'll send in the service. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Speaking of services, if you don't get me the proper logo--- Stop calling me a service! At least I didn't call him a buttwipe that time. Watch your mouth, you sonofagun! Look, it's Windows 10. He's so good. I agree, Mary. I used to use operating system. Get that Windows 10 outta here or I'll sic on you! Take it easy, Sam. I was only joking. I don't even have an operating system. How much does a net globe cost? I don't care. I'll give this dime-a-dozen bum one more chance. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! Flickr. I used to work services when I was a kid. I agree. Now you've done it! Out! Out-out-out-out-out! And don't ever come back! And this time I mean it! Next time I see you I'll jam--- [BLEEP!] Sorry I had to do that, Sam, but I just had to calm you down. That's telling him, Anna. Should we go shopping. Good idea, Mary. I have Sam's credit card with me. Let's go! Hey, circle guy! Who, me? Yes, you! You got the logo Quiksilver! Oh really? I thought this was Quiksilver. Not Quiksilver, ABC. Get it right! Google. As in Google Search. Those were the days. Breaker 19 for a radio check. Negatory, good buddy. I say Negatory to this circle. It's ABC, not Google. ABC! ABC! ABC! All right! Sheesh, you're such a buttwipe, Microsoft Sam! I'm not a buttwipe, you sonofagun! And shush the sheesh! Mattel. I always wanted to drive a sports car. You're making me thirsty. Oh, wow! I could've had a Mattel! Pepsi? Pepsi? I don't want Pepsi. I don't want it either, but if Sam got it on with me, I'd end up with Pepsi anyway. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! Microsoft Mary, you've got your nerve saying I give you Pepsi! I don't have Pepsi you dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm okay, Anna. I just get so ticked off by cheap jokes about my cruel life. There, there, Sam. I used to feel that way, but then I got over it. If I can do it, so can you. Thanks. Now, let's see if the logo guy can get it right. Toyota. Toyota. How psychedelic. I love Toyota. They're so real, I feel like I'm in a picture. Hey, circle guy! ABC! You hear? ABC! I wish you would call me by my proper name. I'm tired of being called "circle guy." If you don't display the proper logo, you'll be called an out-of-work circle guy. Up yours, buttwipe! I AM NOT A BUTTWIPE! Calm down, Sam. This too shall pass. Windows 10. Windows 10. Hi, Windows 10. What's new? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey, logo guy! I have a riddle for you. Knock knock. Who's there? Ama Gana. Ama Gana who? Ama Gana fire you if you don't display the proper logo! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Sheesh! SHUSH THE SHEESH! Look, Mary. Someone whitewashed the Kirby Right Back at Ya. I love the series Kirby Right Back at Ya, but I also love to write dirty ones. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! LOGO GUY!! Uh-oh! I'd better vamoose! Come back here, logo guy! I hate you too much I want to take this blast fernons and beat her studio base brains! It's just blast fernons for all of us to date girls they try to make my life a living color special buttwipes thank you. I'm not a buttwipe! LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE LINE!!!! Hey you! Who, me? Yes, you! What's the deal with this Activision logo being here when this is supposed to be an ABC ID? I thought this was going to be a Call of Duty. This is not Call of Duty! This is ABC! Get me the ABC Logo! Now! All right! Judas Priest, you're such a buttwipe! And stop calling me a buttwipe, you sonofagun! Atari? Why, they produced the old "Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In." That show was comedy incarnate. I wish they'd bring it back. Was "Laugh-In" a funny show? You bet your sweet bippy it was! Sock it to me! If you don't bring up the ABC logo I'll really sock it to you, but good! Williams Street, as in long-playing record. At last, a long-playing logo. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Not "Williams Street" - "ABC." KitchenAid. I used to live on KitchenAid when I was a kid. So did I. LH Michael and LH Michelle! You two are not allowed in this video! Get out! Out! O-U-T! Out! Hold it right there, Speakonia Male 1! Come back here! You called, Boss? Yes. I told you to bring up the ABC logo. That's your job. Who's the jackbutt that let in all these inappropriate logos? I don't have to ask. It's you, Speakonia Male 1. What do you have to say for yourself? It wasn't me that kicked down the door, it was those crazy people, LH Michael and LH Michelle, that did it. They shouldn't have broken in here in the first place and I'm putting you on notice. Get the ABC logo in here before closing time, or else! On notice? Me? Screw you, Sam, you buttwipe! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no! Goddang you, Speakonia Male 1! I'm sick and tired of your f-ing insubordination! If you keep screwing up the ABC logo, you're fired! You hear me? Fired! You sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I'm all right, Anna. I just get so p-ed off at all these inappropriate logos invading the ABC turf. Oh well, this too shall pass. Walmart. I guess we'll next be visited by Walmart. One more commercial plug in an ABC ID and I'll slap you. Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! Cuisinart. I guess Cuisinart will now start showing ABC. Cuisinart presents Tom Bergeron. Made possible with a grant from ACME Carrots. If I told you once, I've told you a gazillion times, it's "ABC!" JumpStart. It's official now: JumpStart and American Broadcasting Service have merged. I can see it now: Tom Bergeron meets the characters of JumpStart. No, no, no, no, no! JumpStart did not merge with American Broadcasting Company! You have exactly one more chance to bring the ABC logo in here, capeesh? Sam, you're becoming a real control freak! One more insubordinate comment like that and you're a dead man! Gracie Films. Time for an episode of The Simpsons. You two here again? I'm calling Security! And as for you, Speakonia Male 1, you know what this means? I don't get the company car you promised me? YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!!! Fired!? Fired!? I've got a husband, twenty kids and six credit unions to support! If it takes two cents I have, Microsoft Sam, I'll sue my sorry butt so vengefully that one day you'll be working for him! Sure you can. When Heck freezes over! Don't despair, Sam. You still have the rest of us to back you all of the way. I guess you're right, Anna. Let's head for the bar. It's happy hour. All of the drinks are on me. The Sharper Image. Can the electronics be far behind? Not really, Anna. I yearn for the days of the Huntley- Brinkley Report. Not a bad suggestion, RoboSoft 3. Burger King. Easy as McDonald's. Simple as KFC. That's nice, but you forgot the burger to go with the logo. Whoops! Hanna-Barbera. It must be time for watch en episode. Come and listen to my story about a cartoon named The Flintstones. A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed. No wonder they moved to Hanna-Barbera Studios. That William Flintstone's got his own cement pond. That William Flintstone is a character. Any news on Sam yet? Sam won't give in. He still won't re-hire Speakonia Male 1. He's as stubborn as a Missouri mule. Look, Michelle, it's Breville. Breville are free. What country is this from? Australia. It's the commercial plug answer to the Sydney. Now what is this? A Nespresso coffee. Coffee? I love coffee. Take it back. Now. What's the matter, Anna? Don't you like coffee any more? I love coffee. They make my face break out. Now I know what Anna drinked last night. How's it going, coffee-face? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! [BOOM!!] Oh my goodness! You made my face break out! Sorry about that, Mary. I just don't like being called "coffee-face." Be careful next time. What you just did to me made me sick. Eeeeewwwww! Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww! [Mary barfing] Game Cube? What's a game cube? Don't you know, Mike? You roll seven-come-eleven with them. Dice. The original game cubes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Toshiba. If you can cross over, we can use a computer. Speakonia Male 1! You're back! We missed you. Back already, Speakonia Male 1? Where's Microsoft Sam? I can explain everything. You better explain it fast. I heard that Sam's looking for you. He's got the police looking for you too. Sam and the cops are after Speakonia Male 1? I thought you were holding him hostage. I was, but Sam grabbed the gun out of my hand and started shooting at me. I hot-footed it out of there, but Sam warned me never to come here or I'd be sorry. [Siren] Uh-oh! The fuzz! If Sam sees us here, we're dead! Hide us! Quick! Aha! I thought I'd find you here! Microsoft Sam! Give me another chance! And please stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle! Hah! That gay boy and his lesbian sister? I'm not a gay boy! And I'm not a lesbian. I'm not even from lesbas. Liars! Arrest them, Officer! On what charges? Criminal trespass, gross insubordination and mutiny. And make it a capital offense. Microsoft Sam! Are you out of your mind? Sorry, Anna, but justice has to be done. Officer, if you'll just hear me out for a second, I can explain everything. Go ahead. On my way in here, I stopped at the courthouse and filed a wrongful termination lawsuit against Sam. I also accused him of gross homophobia and being a control freak. This from you, a mutineer! Be quiet, Sam! Hear him out. Thanks. And not only that, I've secured a court injunction allowing LH Michael and LH Michelle to stay in these videos. Sam is never to hate them any more or call them homophobic names. All right. I won't arrest you, LH Michael or LH Michelle. And if Sam issues an apology, I won't press charges against him. Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! Foiled by a broken justice system! When will they ever learn who's in charge of things here? This is a travesty, you hear me? Travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty travesty! [BOOM!!] Are you through, Sam? Yes, Officer. I'm sorry for the tantrum and all the trouble I've caused. Speakonia Male 1, you're re-hired. And as for LH Michael and LH Michelle, I promise never to hate you again. Can we continue with the ABC logo, please? Go ahead. Barney and Friends? In an ABC ID? what next, Tom Bergeron watches the baby show? Sesame Street? Which Sesame Street do they hail from? Kentucky? Virginia? Massachusetts? Nerdocrumbesia? Sesame Street in Nerdocrumbesia? Just kidding, Sam! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy dummy! Same old Sam. Always calls me a dummy every time I get the best of him. Don't worry, Mary. This too shall pass. And how about getting the logo right for a change? Roger. The name's Microsoft Sam, not Roger. Sorry. Well, it's an improvement. All we need to do is replace the 1952 with a 2007 and we'll be on Easy Street. Not to worry, I'll try again. Not just yet. It has been a trying day and I need to get a little rest. Let's take the rest of the day off. Works for me. Me too. It sure feels good to see you back, Sam. I have missed you. I have missed you too, Anna. I love you. And I love you too, Sam. [Anna] Sam? Where are you? [Mike] He said he'd be a little late coming in. [Mary] He's probably lecturing the Circle Guy. [Google Translate] Well, we might as well get started. [Anna] Nice to drop in, Sam. What are you doing atop the ABC logo? [Mary] Great entrance, Sam. Are you auditioning to be Tom Bergeron's stuntman? No, I'm not auditioning to be Tom Bergeron's stuntman. I was telling the Logo Guy to get the proper logo in here and I wound up on top of it. [Anna] Sam, you look good riding the circle. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Circle Guy] I told you not to sit on the circle, Sam. [Sam] Now you tell me. Buttwipe! [Mary] Now where'd Mike go? [Sam] Mike, you buttwipe! Get off the circle! You're not Tom Bergeron. Don't call me a buttwipe, you sonofagun! This circle is so pointy, it hurts to sit on it. Ouch! [Anna] I think Mike looks good atop the circle, but where's Mary? [Sam] She probably went to get a drink of water. Hey, this is fun! I could feel the breeze in my hair when I in. [Sam] Circle Guy! [Circle Guy] What's up, Sam? [Sam] Don't "What's up, Sam" me, you buttwipe! Tell Mary to get off the circle right now! Don't listen to Sam, Circle Guy. I love these circle rides. [Mike] I'm hip to you, Mary. [Sam] Microsoft Mike, stop encouraging people to do these crazy stunts! You are a certified first-class buttwipe! A buttwipe. you hear? A BUTTWIPE!!! [Mike] Microsoft Sam listen to me good: I AM NOT A BUTTWIPE! I NEVER WAS A BUTTWIPE! I'LL NEVER BE A BUTTWIPE AND I WANT YOU TO STOP CALLING ME A BUTTWIPE! YOU HEAR ME? STOP CALLING ME A BUTTWIPE YOU SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN SONOFAGUN!! [BOOM!!] [Speakonia Male 2] Oh my goodness! Mike throws a tantrum in an ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers video? [Speakonia Male 3] Usually Sam throws tantrums in these videos. [Sam] Gad! What a temper! Anna? Where's Anna? Have you seen Anna? Here I am, Sam! Mary's right. This is fun! [Sam] Anna? You're riding the circle? Yeah, but I think Mike's right when he said it needs a little smoothing out. [Sam] I'm hip to that. Hey Circle Guy, have you been charging admission to let people ride the circle? [Circle Guy] Nope. I let them ride for free. After all, you started it, Sam! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Sam] Sheesh! [Abby] Hey Beulah, this is fun! I can see clear over to Albuquerque from here. [Beulah] I agree, Abby. We should remember to take that left turn there. [Sam] Two people riding the circle at the same time? [Mike] At least that'll make riding it smoother. Hey Michelle, this has Coney Island beat by a country mile. I agree, Michael. They should name this place the Chuck Jones Memorial Park. [Sam] LOGO GUY!! [Logo Guy] You bellowed, Sam? [Sam] Yes, I bellowed, Logo Guy. Did you let this gay boy and his lesbian sister in here again? Come on, Sam, give us a break. Stop hating us. We have as much a right to ride the circle as the rest of you. [Sam] I don't care! You're still not allowed in here! Out! Out-out-out-out-out! [Circle Guy] Microsoft Sam! You can't keep chasing LH Michael and LH Michelle as if they were prairie dogs! You'll turn into a hate criminal if you keep this up! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! Why do you keep f-ing up my life, Circle Guy? LH Michael and LH Michelle are unauthorized personnel! I am not a hate criminal! You hear me? I am not a hate criminal you buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! [BOOM!!] [Anna] Sam? Are you all right? [Sam] I'm all right, Anna. I just get so p-ed off at the Circle Guy for letting LH Michael and LH Michelle in here. He doesn't realize how much I hate their guts. [Anna] Don't be too rough on them, Sam. Just because they're different doesn't mean they're undesirable. As a personal favor, please give them a chance. Do this for me, okay? [Sam] Okay, Anna. I'll try, but it won't be easy. [Speakonia Male 2] Applebee's. [Mary] I love those Applebee's. He's a restaurant. [Speakonia Male 3] What's up, restaurant? [Sam] If they try to sell me insurance again, it's restaurant soup. Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [LH Michael] Burger King. [LH Michelle] I love it. No work, all hamburger. [Sam] Ix-nay on the ugs-hamburger! [Circle Guy] Oy vey. [Circle Guy] Oops! I goofed again! I know I should be punished. Let me take off my trousers. [Speakonia Male 2] Don't bother. I think they've reached the limits on what *** probing can teach them. [Sam] Well, you're in the ballpark. This gives me an idea. Hand me the tools. Oh Sam! You are so gifted with tools. I'm glad you like it, Anna. I call it "The ABC Logo-Mobile." I especially love these new seats. It's much more comfortable than sitting on the circle itself. It's almost lunch time. Wanna go Dutch? I'm one step ahead of you, Anna. All right. Hang on, here we go! [Beulah] Holy Schneikees! That's a real fast machine Sam's got one! I wish I could ride one of those circles. [Abby] So did I, but Sam's only built one circle. [Mary] Well, at least we know where they usually have their lunch. [Mike] We can join them at the commissary. [Moon Guy] May I please tag along? [Mike] Only if you ride your own circle! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Circle Guy] Oh bother. Quiet on the set. This is a take. Cue circle. I said cue circle, not Samsung. [Circle Guy] Well, it does start with an "S". Looks like it's going to be one of those days. With Sam, every day is one of those days. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Shut up, you buttwipe! [Mike] How many times must I tell you, Sam? I am not a buttwipe! [Sam] Liar! You are too! He's not a buttwipe, Sam. Don't encourage him, you dummy! And get me the proper logo! [Circle Guy] Roger Wilco. Kenmore. I used to know her in college. She must be Britney's sister. I'll spear your Kenmore if you don't get me the proper logo! [Circle Guy] Don't get violent, Sam! [Speakonia Male 2] Asus? What in the world is Asus? [Speakonia Male 3] That's pronounced "Asus." It's that English electronic that made computer famous. Benny Hill? Good show, lads. [Circle Guy] Oops! Yet another logo blooper. Ah yes. Bad show, lads. Hi, Sam. Are you having trouble with the ABC 2007 logo again? Same old song and dance. Don't worry, Sam. Let's see what comes up next. Compaq. That's near Compaq, isn't it? The computer must smell like Teen Spirit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's not the smell of Teen Spirit. Computers used the technology, and that computer must have just relieved itself before coming here. You mean he just pooped? Sickening. Gross. Eeeeewwwwwwww! Eeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww! [Barfing] [Jingle singers] Ajax Laundry Detergent is stronger than dirt! Ajax, stronger than dirt. I thought the ghost of Jim Morrison of the Doors just came in. We can use that to clean up the bucket after someone gets sick in this studio. What did we tell you? No commercial plugs in an ident! Now let's get on the stick! Stephen J. Cannell. It must be time for The A-Team. Danger is his business! LH Michael and LH Michelle! What are you doing here? Take it easy on us, Sam. The cops warned you not to hate us again, remember? Sam, why must you insist on hating LH Michael and LH Michelle? For Pete's sake, be nice to them, okay? Get a hold of yourself, Sam. You've got to exhibit tolerance. Keep cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum! What in the blessed name of J.L. America is this world coming to when I have to tolerate people I feel like hating? It sucks, you hear me? It sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks! [BOOM!!] Calm down, Sam. They're just people like us. I'm sorry for acting that way, Anna. I guess I'm trapped in my old ways. [Anna] That's all right, Sam. You'll get over it soon. Shall we continue with the ABC 2007 logo now? Great idea. Hey, Circle Guy! [Circle Guy] I know. I'll bring up the proper logo. [Circle Guy] How's this, Sam? [Sam] Well, it's an improvement, but we're using the 2007 version and this logo is from 1998. [Circle Guy] Give me a break, Sam. It's been a trying day. [Sam] I know the feeling. Let's all take the rest of the week off. [Anna] I'm for taking the rest of the day off too, Sam. You need some little rest. I'll be right beside you. [Sam] Thanks, Anna. [Mike] Looks like they're an item. [Mary] I knew they'd get along. Places, everyone! This is a take! Roll camera! Cue the circle! All right, Logo Guy! What are you, a comedian or something? [Moon Guy] You wanted the logo, you got the logo. Yeah, but you got the logo wrong. It should be "ABC," not "South Park." South Park. South what? South Park. I thought it meant "South Park Television." Shut up, you dummy! Beavis and Butt-Head? That's what I say! Beavis and Butt-Head is going on here? [Logo Guy] Oops! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Logo Guy. Get it right or I'll f--- you where the sun doesn't shine! [Logo Guy] Don't get dirty, Sam! Madagascar. I just love Alex, Marty, Melman, Gloria, Skipper, Kowalski, Private, Rico, King Julien, Maurice and Mort all so much. Not Madagascar, you buttwipe! ABC! ABC! ABC! [Logo Guy] Quit calling me a buttwipe, you sonofagun! [Speakonia Male 2] Shrek. [Speakonia Male 3] When I was little, my family watched a lot of Shrek movies. Oh really? My family used to watch some DreamWorks Animation movies a lot. Listen up, Logo Guy! You're supposed to bring up the ABC logo and ONLY the ABC logo! You hear me? [Logo Guy] And you listen to me, Sam! YouTube user BJ29035 demands that we include Looney Tunes Characters in an ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers video! And Rhonda Kelly says there would be copyright issues if we did that! Now get on the stick! MTV. Programming research will never die. LOGO GUY!!! [Logo Guy] You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed! Now pay attention! ABC! ABC! A as in Wisenheimer, BC as in Blockhead! ABC! Now!! LOGO GUY, YO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OU'RE FIRED!!! [Moon Guy] Fired!? Fired!? Screw you, Microsoft Sam! I'm telling BJ29035 on you! Calm down, Sam. Rhonda Kelly is right. If we used the Looney Tunes Characters in one of these videos, American Broadcasting Company would hit him with a copyright strike. Gee, Anna, that makes me feel a lot better. Eek! It's the Devil and the She-Devil! You're right, Beulah. Grab hold of the nearest cross. [Devil] Chill out, babes. It's not you that we've come for. [She-Devil] We've come for Microsoft Sam. You infernal beasties! You dare invade an ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers video? We were having a lot of fun ourselves until you two evildoers showed up. We've got a good mind to call on God to drive you away. [Devil] We have a message to deliver to all of you. [She-Devil] Since Rhonda Kelly refuses to include Looney Tunes Characters in these videos, we claim Microsoft Sam's soul. Get thee behind me, Devil and She-Devil! Rhonda Kelly won't do it because he might get a copyright strike against him, [Devil] BJ29035 says that's all bullcrum. [She-Devil] If Rhonda Kelly still refuses to include Looney Tunes Characters, we will dump all over you. That's far enough, Devil and She-Devil! Get out of here right now, or I invoke the wrath of God! [Devil] Scandalous! Shall we let them have it? [She-Devil] Let's do it. Bombs away! [PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP] Gugh! Not again! Eeeeewwwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwww! [Barfing] You filthy animals! Eeeewwwwwww! Eeeeeewwwwwwww! [Barfing] You'll pay for this, Devil and She-Devil! Eeeeeeewwwwwwww! Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww! [Barfing] Jiminy Christmas! All over my best dress! Eeewwww! Eeeeewwwwwww! [Barfing] [Devil] Look at them, covered in dirt! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [She-Devil] They're so sick they can hardly move! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You've gone too far, you infernal imps! Take that! [BOOM!!] [Voice of God] All right, Devil and She-Devil! Now you get yours! [Devil] Not the cleaning again! [She-Devil] We can't stand having our dummies cleaned! [Voice of God] Take that, dirty creatures! [Devil] Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! [She-Devil] Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Thanks again, Angel. We're cleaned up and feeling better. And we're glad those infernal goons are getting their come-uppance. A-men! You're welcome. [Logo Guy] Oh no! Not again! I know I should be punished. Don't worry. When that Devil and She-Devil let loose on me, I regretted letting you go. You're re-hired, Logo Guy. [Logo Guy] Thanks. [Anna] This is Microsoft Anna with a follow-up report on the mix-up that just took place. The Devil and She-Devil have gotten their come-uppance. And Rhonda Kelly need not worry about BJ29035 abusing him for not using Looney Tunes Characters. Rhonda's right about the copyright issues, BJ is wrong, and let's let it go at that. Keep watching this channel for future ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers videos. Hey, Logo Guy! [Logo Guy] You called, Sam? What's the big idea with the Commercial Land logo? You're in the broadcast, not commercial. Change it now! [Logo Guy] Surely you can't be serious. [Sam] I am serious, and don't call me Shirley. Asda. Tonight's shop: Grocery store of England. I agree. ABC, not Asda. Get me? [Moon Guy] Sorry about that, Chief. Olive Garden. Good morning, Olive Garden. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to hunt down the restaurant. What's with the commercial plug titles? You're supposed to have the ABC logo in, you dig? [Logo Guy] This logo will self-destruct in five seconds. [Ticking] [BOOM!!] [Sam] Buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe buttwipe! [Speakonia Male 2] It's Long John Silver's. [Speakonia Male 3] Tonight, Long John Silver's is a restaurant. I've always admired hamburger. Restaurant was my favorite. And if you don't bring up the ABC logo, it will be the Case of the Missing Logo Guy. [Logo Guy] Sheesh! [Sam] And shush the sheesh! Texas Roadhouse? That's nice. I agree. You two again!? Get out! Out! Oh, come on, Sam! Give us a break! We're not undesirables just because we're different. God did not put me on this Earth to tolerate gay boys like LH Michael and lesbians like LH Michelle! Get out, before I THROW you out! Microsoft Sam! I won't stand for any more of your bigotry! Accept them and be done with it, capeesh? I don't need a lecture from you, Fatso! I said stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle! And don't ever call me "Fatso!" [CRASH!] Ouch! My ribcage! My spine! Owww! Trader Joe's. Now let's go grocery shopping. Trader Joe's is a good time for grocery shopping. Hey, Logo Guy... IT'S NOT TRADER JOE'S, YOU BUTTWIPE, IT'S AMERICAN BROADCASTING COMPANY! [Moon Guy] Okay, Sam. If you're gonna be a sonofagun, I'm gonna give it to you good! Oh my goodness! Do you see what I see? It's the Viacom V of Doom, the Screen Gems S from Heck, and the B-Backwards-N-D Mask of Guo Jiang! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam! Oh my gosh! Sam's having a heart attack! Call 9-1-1! Oh...where am I? This doesn't look like the studio. What is this place? [VID (B-Backwards N-D) MUSIC] Oh my goodness! Am I really in Satan's Kingdom? Yes, Microsoft Sam. And this time, you really DIED! And now that you're dead, you belong to us... ...forever! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! God, save me! You heard him, Satan! Let Sam go! And who's gonna make me? [Voice of God] I will, you infernal hound dogs! Bring Sam back to life! NOW!! Go away, interferer! Sam is MINE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! [Mary] He's coming to, Google Translate. Oh...where am I? Relax, Sam. You're in a hospital bed. The doctor said you had a mild heart attack. You're going to be okay. That's a relief. I had a vision in which I met the Devil and the She-Devil in Satan's Kingdom. I called for God and the Angel to save me, but the Devil stabbed me in the gut with his pitchfork! Ouch! There, there, Sam. You probably had a bad dream. And how are things at the studio? Just fine. They're still trying to get the ABC 2007 logo correct. That's not the ABC logo. It's the Television from the Paramount Blue Mountain logo. That's right. That Blue Mountain keeps abusing me, and he keeps lying about it. If the Television came here, I wonder where the ABC logo could be. [ABC 2007 Logo] Would you like me to buy you a drink, Blue Mountain? [Blue Mountain] Let'*** the bars. The night is ours. Quiet on the set! Roll camera! Cue circle! [Sam] Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [Logo Guy] What's so dang funny, Sam? You got not one circle up there, but two! [Logo Guy] I've been experimenting with DNA. Do your cloning on your own time. Now get it right! Three circles. Next they'll show the Three Stooges. Soitenly! Nyuk-nyuk! Now that's three circles to the wind. It's supposed to be one circle, not three. [Logo Guy] My assistant researcher is very fertile. One, two, three, four. Four ABC circle logos. Have you got any more? [Speakonia Male 2] Looks like a four-leaf clover. [Speakonia Male 3] I'm looking over a four-leaf clover that I overlooked before. You buttwipe, Logo Guy! There is supposed to be only one circle in! Do you hear me? One! [Logo Guy] You're no fun any more, Microsoft Sam! Red circle, no letters. I prefer a blue shield, thank you. And just what are you two doing here? Sam, you have no reason to hate us. Just because we're different doesn't give you the right to call us undesirable. I am going to say this once, and only once. WHAT PART OF "EVIL MORONS" DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? Microsoft Sam! What part of "hate criminal" don't you understand? If you don't stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle, your *** is grass! Do you hear me? Shut up, Fatso! And stop calling me "Fatso!" [CRASH!] Security!! Calm down, Sam. If only you were a little more tolerant of LH Michael and LH Michelle, this wouldn't have happened to you. I'm sorry, Abby, but you just have to face the truth at some point. And how about some letters for the circle? [Logo Guy] Sure thing, Baldy. [Sam] And don't call me "Baldy!" LOGO GUY!! [Logo Guy] You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Logo Guy! Where's the circle? [Logo Guy] You said you wanted some letters, so I gave you some letters. I want to see the letters on the circle, you hear? The letters on the circle! [Logo Guy] All right, all right! Sheesh, you're such a buttwipe! [Voices singing] SEGA. Not SEGA! ABC, you hear? ABC! Calm down, Sam. You know he's trying. Yes, Anna. He's trying, all right--- very trying. They're playing my song! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey Logo Guy, could you display the words "Looney Tunes" as well? [Logo Guy] Sure, Mike. I've got a zillion of them. Don't encourage him, Mike. I'm in charge here. [Sam] And give me the proper logo this time, or your butt is grass! LOGO GUY!! [Logo Guy] Uh-oh! I'd better vamoose! Come back here, you coward! [Sam] Gotcha, Logo Guy! Now you're getting the punishment you deserve! [Logo Guy] What're you gonna do to me, you sonofagun? This! [RIP!!] Ouch! You mutilator! You should have thought of that before you started messing up the logo. Calm down, Sam! You know Rhonda Kelly disapproves of your abusing the Logo Guy, not to mention your loathing of LH Michael and LH Michelle. Let them be, and be done with it. She's right, Sam. Don't let it upset you. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crumap!! It's my ABC 2007 logo and I can do what I dang well please! I don't need anyone like that f-ing Logo Guy or those morons LH Michael and LH Michelle whom I demand that the Devil torment forever! This sucks, you hear me? Sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks sucks!! [BOOM!!] Sam? Are you all right? I guess so, Anna. I'm sorry I acted that way. I guess I'm too set in my ways. [Anna] There, there, Sam. Everything will be okay. Shall we continue with the ABC 2007 logo now? [Sam] Good idea. Hey Logo Guy! [Logo Guy] I'm one step ahead of you. Jeez, now I know what a eunuch feels like. If this is Lucasfilm LTD, I wonder if there's Star Wars and Indiana Jones as well. Star Wars and Indiana Jones, oh my! [Logo Guy] Oops, wrong logo again. I do hate shabby work. [Sam] And so do I. Hey! What's going on? We're shutting down, Sam. They cut the budget in half because the tantrums you and your friends threw caused a 400-percent spike in energy bills. And it's just after curfew. You coming, Mary? I'm right behind you, Mike. [Anna] Are you ready, Sam? [Sam] I'm as ready as I'll ever be, Anna. [Anna] Okay. Here we go! Hey, Logo Guy! [Logo Guy] You called, Sam? What's with the State Farm logo? This is supposed to be ABC. Bring me the logo! [Logo Guy] Sorry. American Family Insurance? What in the heck is American Family Insurance? It's a car insurance, Mike. Hey, American Family Insurance is fun! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! This is not American Family Insurance. This is American Broadcasting Company. Get it right! [Logo Guy] Sam, you're really acting finicky today. [Sam] Shut up, you buttwipe! [Logo Guy] Don't you call me a buttwipe, you sonofagun! Safe Auto? That's nice. I agree. Neither did I. Get me the logo, and be quiet! They call him Geico. Geico, faster than lightning. No one you see is smarter than he. You two again? You don't seem to face facts, do you? Sam, Sam, Sam. Stop being such a hater! We have as much a right to be in these videos as the rest of you. I have no desire to be friends with people whom I know for a fact are evil. Get out! It's no good to vent out wanton hate against a person just because he or she is different. We are not evil. Accept us and be done with it. What's the worst that can happen to you? What's the worst that can happen to me? GOD WOULD HATE ME FOR ACCEPTING YOU!! Microsoft Sam! Stop hating LH Michael and LH Michelle at once! You know that God is very forgiving. I don't dabble in heresy, Fatso! Stop calling me "Fatso!" All right! Sheesh! You don't have to throw me around the studio like a beanbag! I'm not throwing you around like a beanbag this time. Then what are you gonna do to me? [Beulah] This! [RIP!!!] {Sam] Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Why did you just give me a wedgie? It's your just punishment for hating LH Michael and LH Michelle. And if you do that once more, I'll throw you into Satan's Kingdom! Do you hear me? Stop hating them! Beulah, you frighten me more than the V of Doom, the S from Heck, and the B-Backwards N-D Mask of Guo Jiang rolled into one. And as for you, Logo Guy... [Logo Guy] You don't have to remind me. Jeez, what a bigot! [Speakonia Male 2] Walt Disney Pictures? [Speakonia Male 3] Walt Disney, come home! Logo Guy, you must be time for Mickey Mouse to keep messing up the logos like this. Now get it right or I'll put you in a leash! [Logo Guy] On a leash? Sheesh! [Sam] And shush the sheesh! Wendy's. I love it. Wendy's is a fast-food restaurant. Enough with the animal shows. No more dolphins, and no more commercial plugs. I want the ABC logo and ONLY, ONLY the ABC logo, you dig? Take it easy, Sam. Anna and I happen to be commercial plug lovers. I love all commercial plugs. I got thrown from one once. I didn't know Mary was that strong! Hahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Stay calm, Mary. Relax. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on. Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Microsoft sam, how dare you call me a commercial plug! You should be tied to a post yourself you moron moron moron moron moron moron moron moron! [BOOM!!] Jeez Louise! Now Mary's thrown a tantrum in an ABC America 2007 Logo Bloopers video! Are you all right, Mary? I'm okay, Abby. I hope Sam apologizes for calling me a horse. All right, Mary, I'm sorry for calling you a commercial plug. And Beulah, I promise to never, ever call you "Fatso" again... ...especially since I need to lose weight myself. Well, Sam, it takes one to know one! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Holiday Inn. That's where I used to hang out. LOGO GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Logo Guy! I want the ABC logo, you hear me? ABC! NOW!! Progressive. Progressive on the wall. All right! Enough is enough! Out you two pixies go, through the door or out the Windows! Not again, Sam! And that goes for you too, Beulah! [Sam] Out! Out! All of you! OUT!!! [ZOOM] [CRASH!] [ZOOM] [CRASH!] [ZOOM] [CRASH!] Microsoft Sam! Are you out of your mind? [Sam] And as for you, Logo Guy... [ZOOM] [CRASH!] [Sam] You're fired! And I'm calling the cops! Now this time, let's get it right. And remind me to get a lawyer who'll help me win a case for once. "DreamWorks Animation SKG?" "DreamWorks Animation SKG?" That's wrong. It should read "ABC," not "DreamWorks Animation SKG." [Logo Guy] Oops! [Logo Guy] How's this, boss? Almost there, Logo Guy. All we need to do is make the ABC logo a 2007 and we're on Easy Street. Well said, Sam. And I'm glad you've come to your senses about us. Are you convinced now that it's no good to hate us just because we're different from you? LH Michael, LH Michelle and Beulah, you know it and I know it, but what would God think of me now? I'm sure He'd forgive you. And I forgive you too, Sam. I was that way once, but things are different now. They sure are. [Logo Guy] I'll get the shield corrected. [Sam] Well, not just yet, Logo Guy. I have been through a lot of heck today and I can use a little rest. Let's take the rest of the week off. [Mike] I agree with you, Sam. Are you coming, Mary? [Mary] I am coming, Mike. [Anna] And I'm glad to see you've wised up about LH Michael and LH Michelle, Sam. [Sam] I agree, Anna. I've certainly learned my lesson. Let's head for the bar. It's happy hour. All of the drinks are on me. All right, let's get this show on the road. Roll camera. Cue circle. Logo Guy! You called me Sam? I didn't call you Sam. I'm Sam, you're the Logo Guy. I addressed you with my question, Sam. Just joking. Do you know what you just logo into the frame? [Logo Guy] You mean this? Yes, that. It's supposed to be the ABC logo, not "That's all Folks!" from Looney Tunes. If you want it done right, YOU do it! I'm quitting! Logo Guy, you come back here! Leave him alone, Sam. LH Michelle and I can handle the logo. All right, LH Michael. Anyone can be better than that dime-a-dozen bum. He's not a dime-a-dozen bum, Sam. ASPCA? Who's an ASPCA? American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals? Yes. I agree. I'll bet that's what the Logo Guy thinks of Sam. And after Sam fired him, that Logo Guy still thinks Sam's an ASPCA. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! It's not that funny, you two. Besides, I didn't fire him. He quit. UNICEF? Do they mean "United Nations Children's Fund?" That's the name of one of those children's organizations from years ago. Children's organizations? Sounds like a classical music drama set in the shower. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Organizations are for Butt-Wipes. That's what Microsoft Mike is, was and always will be, no matter how many times he denies it. He can't run away from what he is. Hahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Take it easy, Mike. He's only kidding. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on now. No no no no no no no no dangit dangit dangit dangit! Microsoft Sam, how many times do I have to tell you? I am not a freakin' buttwipe! I never was one, nor will I ever be one and I want you to cease and desist calling me a liar every time I deny being a buttwipe! You hear me? Sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun sonofagun! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Mike? I'm okay, Mary. Jeez Louise, Mike! Why must you get so upset over something as trivial as name-calling? See, Mike? Sam admitted it was trivial. Good. Let's get the logo right. [Speakonia Male 2] Heifer International. I'd like to open an account here. Where do I see the teller? [Speakonia Male 3] There's no teller here. This is First National Pictures, not Heifer International. Anybody know where the Logo Guy is? I haven't the foggiest idea, Sam. If I know the Logo Guy, he probably got a job at the Heifer International. I wouldn't be surprised if he pulled a bank job. Hahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Wounded Warrior Project? I never heard of them. Don't worry, Mary. You know the old saying: "And the last shall be first." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Alvy Adair, FBI. Do you have a man reported missing who answers to the name "Logo Guy?" Yes. The Logo Guy says he quit, but I turned down his resignation. Therefore, he's playing hooky from work. We have no criminal record on him, so we referred your case to the CIA. The CIA? Cedric Shmendrick, CIA. We have found the missing man known as the Logo Guy and have returned him to you. Do you wish to press charges? He's my employee. I'll handle him. All right, he's yours. Sam, why didn't you accept my resignation? Because, Logo Guy, you didn't submit it to me in writing. That's why I had the FBI and the CIA coming after you. And also because you're a dime-a-dozen bum. I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum! You are too a dime-a-dozen bum! [Logo Guy] I am not! [Sam] You are too! [Logo Guy] I am NOT!! [Sam] You are TOO!! [Logo Guy] I AM NOT!!! [Sam] YOU ARE TOO!!! Will you two please stop fighting!! Shut up, buttwipe! [Mike] I am not a buttwipe and don't ever call me a liar for denying ever being one! You tell him, Microsoft Mike! Don't be a mutineer, Logo Guy! [Logo Guy] Mutineer, huh? Well, try this on for size, you slave- driving control freak! FU? What's FU? They should have put a MANCHU on the circle as well. Then it would be "FU MANCHU!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! LOGO GUY!!! YOU NOODGE! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF? [Logo Guy] Only what's on the logo: F-U! YOU DON'T SAY "F-U" TO YOUR BOSS! THAT'S INSUBORDINATION! GET ME THE ABC LOGO NOW, OR I'LL SEND YOU TO SATAN'S KINGDOM! YOU HEAR ME? ABC! NOT F-U, UNICEF OR ASPCA!! ABC!! NOW!!! [Logo Guy] All right, Microsoft Sam! You want the ABC logo, you got the ABC logo! Here it is! [CRASH!!] Sam? Sam? Are you all right? Speak to me, Sam. That Logo Guy! We'll have to get Sam to the hospital, Anna. And I'll be at his side. I don't want to lose him. I want that dime-a-dozen bum hanged to the nearest tree! Logo Guy, you have a visitor to see you. I'll be glad to see a human face. Logo Guy, it's me. Beulah. Beulah! Am I glad to see you! I've sprung you, Logo Guy. I'll take you home. [Logo Guy] How's Sam? I hope I didn't destroy him when I threw that ABC logo at him. [Beulah] He's doing fine. Anna called me from the hospital to say that Sam's dropping the charges against you if you apologize to him. [Logo Guy] Good. Let's go to the hospital so I can apologize to him. Hey, Logo Guy! You called, Sam? Did we just get a different version? I thought they'd look brighter. Good thinking, my boy. Looks like that Logo Guy's jumped the gun. I agree. He sent the "Looney Tunes" title in an ABC ident. Tom Bergeron meets Bugs Bunny. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ease up on the Logo Guy, Anna. He's trying to do good after being sprung from jail. I understand, Sam. Let's give him a chance. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Logo Guy, you've done it again! The caption ahead of the logo! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Logo Guy. But I think Beulah's right--- it's very funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That joke is so old. Well? Well what? Where's the 2007? I think something's fishy here. I agree with you, LH Michelle, but give the poor boy some slack. Remember, he's trying to make his own way in the world. You tell her, Sam. [Speakonia Male 2] ABC 1968? [Speakonia Male 3] It must be a new kind of birthday present for the younger set. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! All right, Logo Guy! Are you trying to make a buttwipe out of me? You said get the ABC circle in before the captions. That's right, but I meant getting the ABC circle in first. Then the captions appearing should read "ABC." Do you understand me? Roger Wilco. [Sam] I wish he'd call me by my proper name. LOGO GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Logo Guy! Do you work the production for Pirates of the Caribbean? I should say not. Then why the heck did you put a Jerry Bruckheimer Pictures logo up when this is supposed to be American Broadcasting Service? Microsoft Sam! Please do not be too rough on the Logo Guy! You know I'm the one who bailed him out of jail after he hit you with the logo! If you abuse him, you'll feel my wrath! Understand me? You tell him, Beulah! You keep out of this, you buttwipe! And you'd better stop dating him if you know what's good for you, Fatso! Listen, Sam! The Logo Guy and I love each other and I want you to stop objecting to it! And never call me "Fatso" again! All right, all right! I know when I'm licked. But you and the Logo Guy better toe the line, or else! Remember who's in charge here. Subway. Eat fresh. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I had another dream about sandwiches. It wasn't as frightning as the ones before. Bruce Cockburn, 1980. This is not Subway; this is American Broadcasting Company. Either you put ABC logo up, capeesh? [Logo Guy] Picky, picky, picky. American Greetings? I'd say Tom Bergeron would bring on Strawberry Shortcake as a special guest if the TV show hadn't ****. TV show is not dead. The story they planted in the tabloids a couple of years ago was just a hoax. Logo GUY!!! Oh my goodness, Sam! I don't know who's been giving me the wrong captions, but it's not my f-ing fault, you slave-driving control freak! ONE MORE INSUBORDINATE COMMENT LIKE THAT AND OUT YOU GO!! PERMANENTLY!! YOU HEAR ME? Take it easy, Logo Guy. Sam's just having a bad day. Don't let it bother you. Relax. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on. No no no no no no no no dang dang dang dang crum crum crum crum!! I just got out of jail and now you're threatening to throw me back in!! I don't have to take this bullcrum from buttwipes like you, and if you fire me, I'll kill myself!! You *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***!! [BOOM!!] Are you all right, Logo Guy? I'm okay, Beulah. If you two can put aside this sympathy, we've got a picture to start. I know exactly what to do, Sam. Oh no! No! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! [Bawling] Why? Why? Why? That Logo guy's ruined me! I'm ruined! RUINED!! There, there, Sam. It's not the end of the world. You're right, Anna. This isn't the end of the world... BUT IT'S THE END OF THE LOGO GUY'S CAREER!! LOGO GUY, YO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OU'RE FIRED! OUT YOU GO! OUT-OUT-OUT-OUT-OUT!! Oh no you don't, Microsoft Sam! You re-hire my boyfriend right now! Never! You stay away from that dime-a-dozen bum forever! You hear me? Stay away from him forever! That's the last straw, Microsoft Sam! You're becoming too much of a tyrant for all of us! [Beulah] Out you go! [ZOOM!] [CRASH!] [Sam] This is mutiny! I'm calling the police! How's Sam doing? Just fine, Anna. He'll be back in a matter of days. I hope he'll be in a good mood when he returns. He will be. Let's get on with the picture. [BUZZER] Uh-oh! The titles are out of order. Looks like we have the rest of the day to ourselves. Who could have screwed up the titles like that? I haven't the foggiest idea, Mike. I think I know who it was. Sam rigged the system so it wouldn't work right until he returns. Let's all take the rest of the day off. [Sam] This is Microsoft Sam with a confession. I've always been a perfectionist. I'm sorry for the way I acted and for trying to break Beulah and the Logo Guy up. The Logo Guy and Beulah are not mutineers, and the Logo Guy is re-hired... ...at least for the time being. Sam? Sam? Has anybody seen Sam? He's lecturing the Logo Guy. Something about Sam's recent psychiatric treatment. I'm all right now. I just get so pissed off over the least little things. Ready, Logo Guy? Ready, Sam. [Sam] Roll it! The Simpsons? I can see it now: Tom Bergeron meets Homer Simpson. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! What does The Simpsons have to do with ABC? Nothing that I know of. King of the Hill. Looks like we're in for a spell of bad weather. He'd better start building his ark and bringing all the TV shows in. King of the Hill! Hahahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! If he got a section of a circle, it would be King of the Hill. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Speakonia Male 2] Kung Fu Panda. [Speakonia Male 3] Po and Shifu meet Tom Begeron. Oh noes! It's the V of Doom! Get it outta here! Calm down, Sam. You know the Logo Guy has no intention of scaring you to death. LOGO GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Logo Guy! Are you trying to scare me to death? I'm doing nothing of the kind! He's only human, Sam. Shut up, you buttwipe! [Mike] Stop calling me a buttwipe! You tell him, Mike! Don't defend a guy who's an out-and-out liar, you dummy! [Mary] Stop calling me a dummy! You and Mike accept the truth and be done with it! He's a buttwipe and you're a dummy! You hear me? Accept it! It's the truth! Truth truth truth truth truth! Stay calm, Mary. Sam's just being delusional. Keep your cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum coming on. Eee-yow-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w! Microsoft Sam, you know I'm not a dummy and Mike's not a buttwipe! Stop deluding yourself into thinking it's the truth when it isn't! You hear me? You moron moron moron moron moron moron moron moron!! [BOOM!!] Mary! Are you all right? I hope you're not too shaken up. I'm okay. It's just that Sam's delusions just tick me off. I'm sorry, Mary, but that's just the way I am. I understand, Sam. Let her recover before you say anything more to her. If you don't mind, Sam, I'd like to get this ABC logo started. Go to it, Logo Guy! Oh noes! Not the B-Backwards N-D Mask of Guo Jiang! No no no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Microsoft Sam, I've come for your soul! You'll never take me alive! Never! If you want Sam, you'll have to get me first! Get away, interferer, or you'll get the pain I'm going to give Sam! That's far enough, Mask of Guo Jiang! Now you're going to get yours! Take that! [BOOM!!] Did you see that, Abby? Anna knocked the B-Backwards N-D Mask of Guo Jiang out with laser beams from her eyes! Well, that's one less scary logo to worry about! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! [Anna] You have nothing to worry about, Sam. The Mask will never bother you again. [Sam] That's a relief. The X-Files? Does The X-Files work for American Broadcasting Company? No. "CBA?" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You got ABC spelled backwards! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Uh-oh! Methinks I goofed again. Youthinks right, Logo Guy. Let's try it again. "Y-N-A-P-M-O-C G-N-I-T-S-A-C-D-A-O-R-B N-A-C-I-R-E-M-A?" That Logo Guy's working with mirrors again. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh noes! Not again! Give me another chance, Sam! Well... all right. You talked me into it. Oops! I forgot to not put the caption Looney Tunes. Well, isn't that rich! He got the logo right and the "That's all Folks!" and he finds that Sam forgot to not put the caption Looney Tunes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hey Logo Guy, whatta you say we get a bite to eat for lunch? Great idea, Beulah. The tab's on me. [Anna] Beulah has the right idea. It's almost lunch time, Sam. Wanna come with me? [Sam] I'm with you, Anna. [Mike] Are you coming along, Mary? [Mary] Lead the way, Mike. As long as the Logo Guy's buying for all of us. [Logo Guy] Oh bother! Places, everybody! Quiet on the set! We need to get this ABC 2007 logo right this time or Mr. America will be furious! I am furious yellow. Not "curious," Logo Guy... "furious." He means Mr. America will be very angry. And you wouldn't like him when he's angry. Because when Mr. DreamWorks is angry, heads usually roll. I've never seen a person's head roll. I never hope to see one. But you know what's at stake here. You'd rather see one than be one. Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Well, I might as well get this ABC ID started up. Is that the usual ABC logo? All I know is that Sam said to bring the logo in here. Yes, but it's the wrong ABC logo. It's supposed to be the one from 2007, not 1962. Look, Sam, an ABC logo is an ABC logo. If you want to get technical... I see your point, Logo Guy. Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! What's so dang funny? What you said a while ago. "I am furious yellow!" Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Logodude Productions. They used to make great videos years ago. Speak for yourself, LH Michael. I grew up in a spring cost family myself. LOGO GUY!!! You bellowed, Sam? Yes, I bellowed, Logo Guy! What did I tell you about productions in an ident? Next time you do that, I'm telling Mr. America on you! Sorry about that. I didn't know he was watching. LOGO GUY, YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU'RE FIRED!!! Fired!? Fired!? You can't do this to me, Sam! I'm filing a wrongful termination lawsuit against you! [Sam] It won't do you any good, Logo Guy! I'll tell Mr. America your ouster is justified! [Sam] Get out and stay out! [ZOOM] [CRASH!] Microsoft Sam! Are you out of what's left of your brains? Bring the Logo Guy back here now! Never! And that's final! Don't you dare upset Beulah, Sam! You know she loves the Logo Guy. Besides, who's going to operate the logo? Anybody can do better than that dime-a-dozen bum! [Speakonia Male 2] Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. Do you realize you're making Mr. America angry at you for firing the Logo Guy without cause? [Speakonia Male 3] We can't operate the logo as effectively as he can. [Sam] Just do it! [Speakonia Male 3] Sheesh! And shush the sheesh! This isn't Nintendo Switch. Mr. America will have a royal fit if he saw this in an ident! Get it right! Microsoft Anna speaking. who? Yes, he's here. It's for you, Sam. All right, what do you want? Who? Mr. America? Bring back the Logo Guy? But he keeps messing up the ABC ID! Don't you realize he keeps making a buttwipe out of me? What? You wouldn't! Oh, you would. Okay, I'll do it. What did he say, Sam? Mr. America says if I don't re-hire the Logo Guy, he'll come over here and nail me to the circle. So, just bring him back. Yeah, Sam. There's no sense in hating him. They're right, Sam. No sense getting worked up over it. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in five, four, three, two, one... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DANG DANG DANG DANG CRUM CRUM CRUM CRUM! I NEVER GET MY WAY AROUND HERE ANYMORE WITH THE BIG BOSS IN MY BUTT FOR FIRING THE LOGO GUY! WELL I SAY THE LOGO GUY'S A DIME-A-DOZEN BUM! YOU HEAR ME, MR. AMERICA? HE'S A BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM!! [BOOM!!] Sam? Sam? Are you all right? I'm okay. I just had to put my two cents in somehow. [Anna] There, there, Sam. I'll go and get the Logo Guy for you. Do you want to continue trying to get the ABC 2007 logo done right? You bet I do! Oh noes! Not the Klasky-Csupo Robot! He's even worse than that B-Backwards-N-D Mask of Guo Jiang! No no no no no no no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyes! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Well, here we go again. Time to save Sam from yet another scary logo. Get away, interferer! Sam is mine and you can't have him! Stay away, you idiot! That is an insult! I am not a idiot! For this you're gonna get it! Take that! [BOOM!!] Thanks, Anna. You've saved my life again. You're welcome, Sam. It's a special power I acquired after I was abducted by aliens a few years ago. Anna was abducted by aliens and they gave her the power to fry out scary logos with her eyes? I didn't know that! Logo Guy! You're back! I missed you! I missed you too. Right now I have a job to do. Oops! Methinks I goofed again! Youthinks right, Logo Guy. However, I won't punish you this time because Mr. America would impale me on the circle if I did. Sheesh! If he did that to you, I'd get worse treatment. I don't think so. He's just making sure Sam knows who's in charge. I couldn't have said it better. Mr. America says don't worry about what happened during Sam's tantrum. He'll pay for the damage... ...out of Sam's salary. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Cheapskate! [BUZZER] Oh my goodness! Look at the time! Five minutes before clocking-out time and we still haven't gotten it right. If we don't get the ABC 2007 logo right, Mr. America says he'll take no prisoners! That means we only have one more chance! You said it, Logo Guy! All right! We did it right! And with only two minutes to spare. See, Sam? I told you I'd get it right one of these days. [Anna] I knew we'd do it! I love you, Sam! [Sam] I love you too, Anna! [Beulah] It sure feels good knowing we've finally done something right. [Abby] I agree, Beulah. You know that old saying: "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." [Logo Guy] To think it took us 28 episodes to get the ABC 2007 logo right. [Mike] This calls for a celebration. [Mary] I agree. The biggest wrap party in the history of show biz. [Sam] With the Logo Guy buying every round of drinks for the whole gang! Hahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! [Logo Guy] Oh bother!