Wizpig

Wizpig is the evilest pig to exist in space. He is so evil, he named himself! Only evil people name themselves because they give themselves evil, self-describing names. He flies around on a ship that he uses to blow up countries, but it's currently broken so that all the laser blasts only turn things they hit into Cementygas. His main enemy is Frank Horrigan, because he was killed by Frank once in a blaze of stupidity.
==History==
===Stupid Early Years===
Wizpig was not born; he just existed and nobody questioned it. There is no lore whatsoever to Wizpig, and I have nary a clue as to now I will be able to make this page page. The only reason why I'm doing this is because I haven't made a Donkey Kong page in way too long! Wizpig used to be a stupid slob like The Lou, before he stole a computer from the Squadala Labs. Its previous user had left a few tabs open; some weird YouTube video to be exact. Wizpig saw a YouTube video of a frog, and it gave him an idea.
Wizpig's idea was to try to find a frog so he could turn it into a chicken. He could then cook the chicken and eat it in soup, or even fired chicken! He then did some more research and discovered Chicken With Bread. If he sold the chicken to them, he'll become rich (we don't know why he thinks selling chicken to a restaraunt already specialized in the most common commercial poultry in existence would make him rich). It was this day he started his journey to find a frog and do his super-duper crazy scheme.
===The Stupidor's Stone===
It was after this Wizpig got into his ship and flew it to New Orleans. Unfortunately, he crashed into one of New Orleans' famous flying crocodiles, so his spaceship exploded into a zillion pieces. Not one to be fractured but whole (guys what does that mean), Wizpig tried to find a thing that could fix the ship. However, he instead got attacked by Kaptain Skurvy and his crew (as this was before they became the darlings of Pirate Metal). Wizpig suffered five fractures in his ribs and a ruptured appendix, which is weird because pigs do not have appendixes. Not one to be whole but fractured (I'm waffling on now), Wizpig left the hospital in insurmountable debt. 5 UnDollars might not seem like much, but it's big bank when you're like Ripto but weirdly less pathetic.
Wizpig needed to find something to sell so that he could pay both his ship's damage, and his own damage. The Enigmatic Foe was creeping onto his shoulder... before he got a job as a miner for Tricell. His base of operations was in Africa, but he was able to cross the Atlantic by meticulously using the fish as stepping stones. Whilst mining near the Ducky Empire, he accidentally found a radioactive ore. He didn't know this at the time, so he tried to sell it. However, it turned out to be fossilized poop, so it was worth jack-squat. He was able to use it to pay off his medical bills, but not his ship's damages. He was only able to partially fix that after raising UnDollars from selling homemade empanadas on the streets canals of Venice (guess how he got there).
It was also around this time he discovered he had magical powers, after frying an Italian Dinosaur's head off by accident. That's what led to his downfall.
===Stupid Mortem===
He tried to find a frog that would become a chicken after discovering his powers. However, all the frogs merely became doilies instead. He then hatched a brilliant idea; if he turned a chicken into a frog, and then changed it back, it's technically him turning it into a frog. He then discovered that Egypt's ruler, Diddy Kong, was friends with Ernie the Giant Chicken. In fact, they were having a party alongside Conker the Squirrel, Tony the Talking Clock's baby-faced Didney cousin, a wanted felon on the run, and even Banjo and Kazooie. He went there to turn Ernie into a frog. He succeded, but then Diddy turned him back to normal and threatened to read The Epic of Gilgamesh if he didn't leave. Wizpig did before turning a statue of Anubis (Diddy Kong's Lucario) into Cementygas that smothered all of Egypt. In response, Diddy used arcane Egyptian magic to summon a swarm of Yudums to kill Wizpig. It didn't work, but it did drive him away.
Wizpig truly died when he crossed paths with Frank Horrigan. Franky thought Wizpig was a mutant, and he was right. The fact that Wizpig had Magneto powers didn't help his case either. Wizpig challenged Frank to a race or else he will turn The Enclave into chickens (he thought the Super Mutants were frogs), so Frank obliged. Despite the bulk of his Super Armor, Frank Horrigan won. Wizpig then tried to turn Frank's celebratory potluck into Cementygas, but Frank then ordered a firing squad on Wizpig, killing him.
===Modern Stupid===
Wizpig may still be alive, probably because he had the power to turn a random frog into a clone of himself. I really don't care on looking into the matter; he's stupid anyways. This article only exists because he is so stupid. But at least he isn't Ripto. We do not talk about Ripto, I hate him and his melon mouth with every fiber in my body. I'd argue Wizpig is scarier than Ripto even though he sounds stupid because he has a laser cannon. Ripto is the worst villain of his era, and if you disagree... more power to you.
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Category:Pigs