Alfred Pennyworth

Note: This page is for sh*ts and giggles and is not meant to be taken seriously.
==About==
Alfred is a butler. Why? Because he has nothing else to do. What does he do when he's not catering to your every whim? Ripping holes in the damn omniverse. Just for fun. Grocery store out of eggs? Alfred lays some himself. Late to class? Alfred can rewind time back to the dinosaur age in a single millisecond.  Some say he touched a pebble one day. That pebble became Mount Everest. He will tear out your heart and cook it in an omlet. He uses bulls as his doormat. He chops trees with his bare hands. You wanna know why he wears gloves? Because his hands are surrounded in an omnipresent force that will summon friggin tornados full of sharks. Imagine the hell he can put you through. Oh and don;t dare make him mad when he's drinking tea. His teapot was forged from the heat of the Earth's core. The tea was made from poison,nails,wood,bricks, and a chainsaw. The tea accelerates his blood flow and makes him even more capable of breaking all of your bones in a game of rock paper scissors. He's more powerful than any other being in the omniverse. He steals souls to make his morning breakfast. He swims through the Pacific Ocean every day as his workout. He lives in the Bermuda Triangle, that's why everyone dies there. 
==Birth==
He was born at the dawn of time and space. He was so powerful, neither one of his parents dared show up for his birth.
==Notable Appearances in history==
*He was the one who killed the dinosaurs, because one knocked over his tea.
==Facts==
*He threw a rock one day. That rock was the moon.
*He fell down one day and created a crater. We call it the Grand Canyon.
*He once went to the sun, made some tea, drank it, beat the sun in a staring contest, and went back without a burn.
*He swims through land
*He cuts knives with butter
*When he chops onions for his tea, the onions cry.
Category:Characters
Category:Joke Pages
Category:Lonely Pages