Ghosts, an exorcism, and shepherding

Chapter 25: Ghosts, an exorcism, and shepherding
==Text==
Hermann wakes in Zürich, in the sparsely furnished flat he took when he started work at the Eidgenössische Technische Hochschule, a flat he left for the last time over a decade earlier.
He rubs his eyes to clear them of sleep.
Not Zürich. Hong Kong. This is Hong Kong.
For one more day, this is home.
His hand rests on the cool, empty space beside him. He smiles, then shakes his head and pushes himself out of bed and into the bathroom.
Hermann studies his reflection and scratches the ghost of his binding. He flexes his wings as he reaches for his morning medications. No need to rush today. After a leisurely shower and carefully brushing and flossing his teeth, he limps to his nearly empty closet for the day’s clothing.
The familiar sweatervests, shirts, and wool trousers are gone; Newt and Tendo having been true to their word and destroying them at the first opportunity. They’d even made s’mores, reminding Hermann he dislikes marshmallows. Still, the memory of pure joy on everyone’s faces makes him smile.
His smile fades as he tightens his binding and feels the first itch of his annual moult. Wonderful. At least I’ll be somewhere secluded while it happens this year. He shivers. Maybe the new preening routine will help, as well.
Only a skeleton crew of PPDC personnel remain, far outnumbered by new faces in municipal uniforms preparing to demolish parts of the Shatterdome while converting others to a memorial museum, city emergency response offices, and a typhoon shelter of last resort. In this crowd, he attracts only mild attention and that for being one of the few foreigners at the station. 
The ‘Dome bustles, but it’s an unfamiliar, uncomfortable bustle and Hermann retreats to the roof for solitude. He heads for the place where he and Newt picnicked.
He forgoes his coat to enjoy the warm spring air. He leans on the safety rail, cane hooked beside him, and idly watches the waves stirred up by boat traffic and the breeze off the ocean. Concentrating, Hermann closes his eyes and tries to memorize the qualities of the wind, unique to Hong Kong, and what it feels like in his feathers.
Hermann hears footsteps long before Tendo materializes beside him offering a steaming mug of coffee. Hermann accepts and drinks. “Perfect, as usual. Thank you,” he says.
Tendo nods. “So, this is your secret make-out spot, right?”
Hermann gapes at him, horrified.
“Security may not know about this gap, but I sure do,” Tendo chuckles. “Needed a place to sneak a smoke where Mako couldn’t find me.”
Hermann snorts. “I was unaware this area was unsurveilled.”
“Riiiiiight,” Tendo drawls. “There are actually three security holes, but this one has the best view.” Tendo smirks before taking a contemplative drink. “This is like old times, huh?”
Hermann quirks an eyebrow.
“You at a railing watching the water while I deliver some of my personal coffee stash to you.” He sips. “Seeing Raleigh happy again really brings Anchorage back, doesn’t it? When we all thought this would be easy?”
Hermann offers a noncommittal sound. “We were all young and foolish then. Now, though, there’s some hope for a simpler and brighter future.”
“Yeah. For the first time I’m not worried about a giant alien sea monster killing Felix before he makes puberty."
“I cannot begin to imagine what it was like raising a child under those conditions.”
Tendo shrugs. “You love ‘em and do the best you can. And try to make the place safe and happy for them.”
“I do believe we made large strides toward that,” Hermann replies with a crooked smile.
“A-men, brother. Hopefully the Kaiju are gone for good.”
“I doubt we destroyed them completely, but perhaps we have made another attempt too costly.”
“Deo volente,” Tendo murmurs and kisses the rosary around his wrist. At Hermann’s inquisitive expression, he responds, “Latin for ‘god willing.’ Picked up some basic phrases in Catholic primary school.”
Hermann sips and hums.
“You ready for this?” Tendo prompts after a moment’s silence.
“What do you mean?”
“Newt twenty-four, seven.”
Hermann shrugs. “How do you think I’ve spent the last five years?”
Tendo chuckles. “Good point. It’s probably going to be harder for you to deal with the lack of Kaiju than living with each other. Togetherness looks good on both of you.” He laughs again. “We had to cancel the ‘justifiable homicide’ pool, you know.”
“I heard,” Hermann remarks dryly.
“Eh. They refunded my money and I set it aside for the bridal registry. You two still thinking July?” Tendo asks with twinkling eyes.
Hermann treats him to the full force of his glare.
Tendo holds up his hands in surrender. “You know I’m kidding, Hermann.” He swallows a mouthful of coffee. “It’s been killing me, so I have to ask. What’s it like suddenly having another lifetime’s worth of memories in your head? I talked to the Beckets about it in Anchorage, but they already had so many in common, it didn’t feel like much to them to share. You and Newt, though … ”
“I try to ignore what passed from Newt to myself and keep his memories isolated from mine. I have no business knowing what he hasn’t seen fit to tell me.”
Tendo smirks. “Figure he feels the same way?”
“Of course he doesn’t. He’s already admitted he regularly peruses my memories.”
“Shamelessly, too, right?”
Hermann nods and sighs.
“No desire to level the playing field, then?”
Hermann shakes his head.
“No curiosity?”
Hermann sighs again. “Naturally I’m curious. It, however, wouldn’t be appropriate to … root around in Newt’s memories.”
“You mean you haven’t seen a thing from inside his head? Not even a little, tiny, itty-bitty peek?”
“I will occasionally experience a flash of imagery and emotion—like a daydream—which is not my own.”
“That’s it? You’re leaving it at that?”
Hermann tightens his grip on the railing. “Of course I am!”
“If you’re not bullshitting me, my man, that’s impressive. I can’t think of anyone else with that kind of restraint.”
Hermann huffs and turns back to the harbor.
“Really, you’d make the worst spy ever. Too much respect for privacy. Which I suppose makes sense, considering … ” 
Hermann stiffens and his knuckles turn white. “Considering what?”
“Considering getting you to talk about yourself is like pulling teeth.”
Hermann hides a nervous laugh with drink of coffee, then smiles at his friend.
“I need to go and tie up some loose ends,” Tendo calls as he turns and waves. “Enjoy the view, brother!”
Hermann waves back before turning his eyes to the harbor to watch floating cranes lifting pieces of Crimson Typhoon from the water. A series of buoys mark the location of Cherno Alpha for the Russian salvage crews’ arrival next week.
We’re remnants of past those in power want to forget. No, they don't want to be rid of all of us. Only those fighters who survived.
We are bad memories.
He scrubs his face.
Bad memories. Like those I’ve forced onto Newt. 
I hope he finds only the few positive ones I held. He deserves better than the rest.
A fierce swipe removes the tears forming at the corners of his eyes as he squares his shoulders. He seizes his cane and makes his slow way back to his—their—lab for a last time.
From the top of his ladder, Hermann wipes the chalkboard clean with a damp cloth. The ghosts of five years worth of equations and code disappear in wide black stripes.
As though they never existed. Only an absence—the lack of the Breach—indicates they ever existed or mattered at all. Even that will be forgotten soon enough.
When he finishes, the boards are a pristine midnight black. Hermann takes a deep breath and turns his back to his now-former workspace. He turns out the lights, walks to the door, and locks it. 
Hermann doesn’t look back.
His phone chimes as soon as he drapes his binder over the back of his desk chair. He flexes his wings through their full motion as checks his voicemail, then selects a name from his contacts list.
“Oh my god! Are the Kaiju back?”
“What? Karla, what are you talking about?” Hermann sputters.
“You never call,” she chides, “so I thought it might be the end of the world.”
He rolls his eyes. “No, it’s not the apocalypse. I’m leaving for New Zealand tomorrow—”
“And you want to say ‘goodbye’ before you abandon civilization.”
“ … Yes.”
“Well, not before I talk to my little brother for a bit,” she declares. “The kids have been cranky for two weeks straight now, you know. They’re jealous their cousins got to see you in the flesh.”
“I’m sorry, Karla. I don’t want to make your life more difficult.”
“Oh be quiet, Manny. I understand you can’t travel just anywhere and everywhere. I’m honestly surprised you escaped Europe.”
“Thank goodness for military transport,” Hermann sighs.
“You’re going to be trapped on that island of yours. You can’t fly.”
“No, I can’t. I’ll probably die there.”
“You’ll grow old first. Very old.”
“God and genetics willing.”
“It’s the same for all of us, Hermann,” she says gently.
They chat for a few more minutes before Karla disconnects to return to work.
He flips the phone over and over in his hands. Bastien is in class. Dietrich is with patients. Newt … His phone is still not working. Instead of leaving messages, he stows the phone in his coat pocket and eases himself out of his chair.
His last personal items find their places in his luggage. He swallows his evening pills. He changes into his pajamas and packs the clothes he’d been wearing in his suitcase. All that remains unpacked is an outfit for the journey and the supplies he needs for the morning.
Hermann runs his hand along the surface of the desk, then fiddles with the chain on his glasses, then plucks lint off the military-issue blanket and scratchy sheets. He reads for a while, first more texts on environmental modeling (mostly review), then the newest round of papers on Breach physics (mostly trash), the fan-translation of Kaiju in Film History Newt downloaded to his tablet, and finally the book Miss Yeung and the staff had given him. Eventually he gives up and stares at the ceiling.
Perhaps I’ll be able to sleep on the flight.
It requires several hours of lying still and counting sheep before Hermann finds sleep. When he finally dreams, he feels warm breezes and sees warm colors.
And Newt waving from a sandy beach.
==Meta==
A 'thank you' to Gothams_Only_Wolf for giving me the kickstart to finally finishing this one.
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