R. R. R. R.

R.R.R.R. (Full name unknown) was the founder and owner of the multigalactic gigaconglomerate 'OmniStar Corporation'. He was an enigmatic and soullean planetary real estate mogul, known across the stars for his no-cause evictions and frequent suspicious collapses of his "unprofitable" residency complexes. R.R.R.R. made much of his money buying and selling entire planets and solar systems to the highest bidder. 
== Fortune ==
R.R.R.R. secured his fortune in a rotten way; by finding and selling artifacts from ancient civilizations of times long past. When he was a young boy, R.R.R.R, while on vacation on Trytinia, discovered the fossilized head of a strange tree-like creature in the overgrown wreckage of Waifuria Prime. Enthralled by this discovery, R.R.R.R. brought the head back home with him, and began scouring the Garrynet for more archeological finds. He became fascinated with the ancient galactic empires of times long past; the Combine and Waifurian Empires, in particular. 
R.R.R.R. memorized every battle of the Great META Wars, and pored over ancient diagrams and texts of the galaxy-spanning civilizations that had once been. He dreamed of visiting the Waifurian Homeworld, Earth, and seeing for himself the glory and splendor of the heart of the Waifurian Empire. However, when he eventually scrounged enough money up to take a ferry across the stars to the Sol System, he was rather unimpressed with the dilapidated, pitiful excuse of a planet he found before him. Syndor City had long since been reduced to ash; the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid was nowhere to be found. Rather dissapointed, R.R.R.R. continued poring over notable locations from the ancient wars; Alexandria, Las Vegas, and even Albuquerque. After a close call with a black hole, R.R.R.R. had one last stop to make on his list; the radioactive hellscape that was Columbus, Ohio. 
== Bombing of Columbus 2 ==
Arriving in Columbus, R.R.R.R. was astounded at the miraculous preservation of the architecture and machinery of this ancient era; it was as if it had barely been touched. This was thanks to Black Mesa's specialized construction of the Nuclear Pumpkin 2 in the second Bombing of Columbus, which was designed to incinerate organic matter while preserving everything else. Because of this, The whole of Columbus was a nuclear ghost town; however, at this point, the average human could sustain up to four hours within the city without any negative effects. However, it was still not safe to be exposed to these materials for more than four hours, because of the Nuclear Pumpkin's half-life. 
== Scavenge ==
R.R.R.R. began harvesting materials from the wreckage and selling them on Garry's List (an online marketplace, named after the late planet and computer programmer Garrymede). R.R.R.R. was unable, or, unwilling, however, to denote that prolonged exposure to these materials could have serious long-term effects on the owner's health; namely, radiation sickness. R.R.R.R. sold bike wheels, candies, weaponry, and street signs for trillions of credits apiece; eventually, he became so independently wealthy that he was able to open his own Antique shop in New Memphis; he named this shop 'OmniStar', and this was the beginning of something truly wretched. 
== Columbian-Waifurian Trade Depot ==
R.R.R.R.'s business was good, but it was still slow. He was able to make a lot of money, for what he was doing; but still, he wanted more. R.R.R.R. began travelling across the Omniverse, selling selections of his artifacts to anyone willing to listen to him talk. R.R.R.R. eventually found himself on the dark world Exegar, and did great business there. The hooded, gaunt people who lived on this planet were as obsessed with the Waifurian Empire as he was; in fact, perhaps moreso. They told legendary tales of the 'Enlightened One'; a man who lived for forty thousands years, they told R.R.R.R. He ruled the empire as a gracious and benevolent despot, and led the people of Earth to victory in the Great META War.
While R.R.R.R. had heard stories of this ancient 'Enlightened One', he had been mostly scrubbed from Earth-written history books, with the Waifurian Empire being referred to as a communal entity; R.R.R.R. had never known there to be a leader at the head of this massive, galaxy-sprawling government (although, it did make sense). Regardless of the historical specifics, R.R.R.R. had found his niche market to sell to; and he kept bringing more, and more, and more Columbian goods to Exegar. The cloaked figures, who referred to themselves as 'The Enclavists', were eager to buy, and for very gracious prices; R.R.R.R. was a billionaire within 6 years. 
== New Financial Exploits ==
With newfound finances abound, R.R.R.R. purchased his first planet in 999,922 AB. This planet was Garudis-5, a small, rocky nothing planet in an otherwise remarkable solar system. R.R.R.R. developed real estate on this planet, covering half its surface in mixed-use development, before selling it off to the highest bidder- that being, in this case, the Artificial Intelligence Gonja-brain 'James Fargo V63', CEAI (Chief Executive Artificial Intelligence) of gigaconglomerate JF Sweets. With the money negotiated from this deal, R.R.R.R. purchased another two celestial bodies-- two stupid, unnamable, useless, poor excuses for moons, and did the same thing-- this time marketing them as a 'tourist destination'. Again, they were purchased right away. 
This continued on for several decades in this fashion, with R.R.R.R. quietly gaining more and more money and buying larger and larger real estate properties; eventually, at one point, he began so filthy rich that he was in negotiations to purchase the fledgeling Kroasis system-- but decided against it when a certain... other solar system went up for sale. 
== A Celestial Acquisition ==
In 999,941 AB, R.R.R.R., now with a net worth of 4.4 Quadrillion Trillion dollars, had experienced, to say the least, a meteoric rise in capital. Using the purchasing power of the now-massive OmniStar Corporation, he purchased the Sol System from the Venus-Earth Governance Guild for half of his net worth- 2.2 Quadrillion Trillion Dollars- and thus, was made the chief executor of one star, six planets, two pseudo-planets, inumerable dwarf planets and moons, and a number of irrelevant, pointless objects. Now, R.R.R.R, with all the power and influence money can buy, began to invest heavily not in preserving the Earth for the future-- but exploiting it for its past. He dug deep into the crusts of North America and Europe, finding ancient Pangean Treasures abound. He recovered hundreds of fossilized Combine and MTO troops, and discovered the ruins of the United States Capitol Building deep beneath the ruins of Syndor City. What did he do with all of these artifacts, ancient, delicate relics from a time long past? Well, he sold them to the Enclave, of course. 
The Enclave was particularly excited whenever R.R.R.R. delivered them intact starships, battleships or weaponry; the cultists paid handsomely for those. 
=== The Martian Question ===
The Enclave continued funnelling egregious sums of money into R.R.R.R's bank account, and he dumped these vast sums of cash straight into, and almost exclusively toward, the economic and residential development of Mars. R.R.R.R. saw Mars as the perfect business venture; it was well within Sol's habitable zone, was relatively untouched by civilization, and had an abundance of fresh-water at its poles. His economic Advisors warned against putting all of his eggs into this one basket; but R.R.R.R. fired them for dissenting. He knew what he was doing, and didn't need to be told 'no' by a bunch of synthezoids in suits. 
== The Utopia ==
In January of 999,945 AB, R.R.R.R. held a Grandoid Opening of Mars: he dubbed the reborn planet 'the Homeowner's dream'. Mars was a bona fide utopia; perfect, ecologically sustainable housing dotted the coasts of the planet; the atmosphere was breathable and cool, and a synthetic Magnetic Field had been erected to protect the planet from solar radiation. Immediately, tens of millions of people (including many Earthlings) began moving to Mars, excited to start their new lives on the Red Planet. 
Unfortunately for them, this was not fated to be so. Two days later, a rogue laser beam, launched by Waifuria Prime roughly 800,000 years in the past and just now reaching the Sol System, struck and destroyed Mars, killing 14.3 million people and obliterating R.R.R.R.'s four years of hard work; but, more importantly, one billion quadrillion dollars worth of equipment. R.R.R.R. was heartbroken; he sank into a deep rage. He fired all of his top executives, and relocated to his office in Earth's largest city, Juneau, Alaska, from which he began plotting his economic comeback. 
== OmniStar Corporation ==
By 999,950 AB, Omnistar Corporation had come roaring back to life. R.R.R.R. had purchased the Alpha Centauri System, the Kroasis System, and repurchased Garudis-5 from JF Sweets. 
After years of gobbling up more and more solar systems, R.R.R.R. amassed enough wealth that he did something previously unimaginable-- and never before heard of in Omniversal History. He fucking bought 'JF Sweets' . 
For context, JF Sweets had accounted for approximately 80% of the Omniverse's wealth before R.R.R.R purchased it. Now, OmniStar Corporation was unfathomably wealthy; impossibly, unimaginably, inumerably wealthy. It was THE Monopoly, the only viable financial entity left in the Omniverse. R.R.R.R. controlled everything; the banks, real estate, food, transportation, even travel; it was all funneled through his OmniStar Corporation. Now, R.R.R.R. was practically a god in every sense of the word; and yet, he still wanted more. 
== The Mummy; Rotten To The Core ==
The Enclave, when R.R.R.R. spoke of this feeling, comforted him- they assured him they knew exactly what kind of power he sought. They reminded R.R.R.R. of the ancient powers of their 'Enlightened One'-- and promised he could meet him, and learn from him... for a price. But R.R.R.R. knew the 'Enlightened One' was long since dead-- whatever they were worshipping, it wasn't him. But they had been his loyal customers for all these years; the least he could do was entertain their suggestion. What could possibly go wrong?
When R.R.R.R. descended, once again, on the surface of Exegar, he noticed something deeply... wrong about the planet. There was no wind. It was dead silent, quiet, and still. The planet was below freezing, now, and ashy snowclouds hung in oily overcast in the sky; R.R.R.R. was prepared to entertain one of the most ludicrous business propositions of his life. The Enclave approached his ship and escorted him down to the Bidenkeep; the ancient walls of this mysterious temple were littered with the relics R.R.R.R. had sold to the cultists, thirty years ago. 
The Enclave cultists brought R.R.R.R. down a long, narrow set of stairs-- illuminated only by a dim, aquamarine flame-- which grew darker and darker the further they descended. R.R.R.R. noticed he had lost connection to the Garrynet; but thought nothing of it; he'd be back on the surface again soon. 
Finally, the harrowing staircase gave way into a vast, open chamber. The walls were old; R.R.R.R. recognized daedric, Pangean inscriptions covering almost every smooth surface. The text told of terrible wars of times long past; they spoke of the exploits of Malike Tragedia, the MAGA King, and the Dragon King's Firstborn. It occurred to R.R.R.R. that this entire temple was comprised of ancient buildings and artifacts he sold to R.R.R.R, excavated from the bowels of the Earth. 
Strange machinery and vials were cluttered in the center of this room; a gnarled, twisted body lay in a fetal position in the center of this machinery, wires and cables plugged in and out of it at seemingly every crevice. R.R.R.R. was deeply disturbed by the sight of the corpse in front of him; but as he turned to leave, two cultists blocked his escape. They pushed him towards the body, and began chanting. 
"Long Live Waifuria! Long Live the Emperor!" 
They repeated this several times over, pushing R.R.R.R. closer and closer to the body, until he was practically standing on top of it. Now, he began calling out for help; screaming for someone to rescue him. But there was no escape from the Emperor of Waifuria. Without saying a word, the cultists tied R.R.R.R. down, directly facing the crumpled, lifeless body, and began affixing cords and wires to R.R.R.R.'s veins and arteries. They dug into his bloodstream, and he watched in horror as his own blood flowed into the Mummy's lifeless body. The Mummy blinked, and slowly, laboriously, sat up, revitalized by the fresh lifeforce injected into his veins. The cords connecting the two bloodstreams remained in place, and now the Mummy's own blood; blackened, decayed, and clumpy-- rushed inwards towards R.R.R.R's own organs. Panicking, R.R.R.R. tore the cables out of his body; his own blood, and Mummy's Blood, began squirting everywhere, spraying the cultists in a red and black splattering of organic materials. Mummy furrowed his brow at R.R.R.R, alert, staring deep into R.R.R.R's soul. 
"You have brought me..." the Mummy croaked, dust spewing from his ancient maw; "life...". 
R.R.R.R. sucked at his own wounds, stopping the bleeding. The cultists seemed relatively unbothered by his removing the blood cords; a surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one. The Mummy watched this with curiosity, before raising his hand to the sky and smiling, faintly. 
"You have brought me my Empire." The Mummy said now, with more gravitas. R.R.R.R. jumped as a bolt of purple electricity suddenly shot from the ceiling down Mummy's gnarled hand. Mummy turned away from him and pivoted towards one of the ancient, Pangean walls. He pointed his finger at the engravings, and the bolt whizzed out of his finger, striking the wall with immense force. Slowly, the wall slid up into the ceiling, revealing a massive hangar in the other room. R.R.R.R.'s heart skipped a beat when he realized, in abject horror, what laid before him. 
== One Last Blunder ==
The chamber within was miles wide and miles high; impossibly large, and impossibly tall. From end to end, Waifurian battleships, tanks, and starfighters were crammed tightly together... the ships R.R.R.R. had sold to the cultists for decades. Thousands of cultists rushed around the chamber in upgraded MTO uniforms, toolboxes in hand. The weapons R.R.R.R. had sold to as ancient artifacts... as historical memorabilia... had been totally restored by the Enclave Cultists. For what purpose? Mummy stood and began shambling towards the massive fleet, a wicked grin on his twisted face and a purple glint in his eye. 
The cultists brought R.R.R.R. to his feet and escorted him, forcefully, to Mummy's side. They now stood on a platform overlooking the Waifurian fleet, and R.R.R.R. realized for the first time the true scale of how much weaponry he'd sold to the Enclave. Hundreds of battle cruisers, thousands of starfighters, and tens of thousands of anti-aircraft weaponry were freshly cleaned, and, no doubt, ready for war. 
A fragment of what appeared to be an incomprehensively massive, rusty, dented magnet hung from the ceiling, twisted in the shape of a 'J'. It seemed to be eminating a deep purple glow. Inumerable Combine plasma guns, Waifurian energy blasters, and infantry-grade starmetal Katanas were stacked neatly in hulking crates which littered the floor of this massive chamber. Waifurian Superpredators marched neatly in rows of two along the edges of the chamber, seemingly practicing battle drills. R.R.R.R. turned to the decrepit Mummy in abject terror. 
"What have I done?" R.R.R.R. whispered to himself, in shock. 
Mummy lifted a gnarled hand to R.R.R.R.'s shoulder. 
"You just made this rice farmer one happy camper, jack..." the Mummy snarled, his eyes flickeringfrom R.R.R.R. to the newly restored Waifurian invasion fleet, "Now... Waifuria lives." 
Category:Characters