Trials and Tribble-ations

Trials and Trible-ations was a Deep Space Nine episode and frankly one of the last times I ever remember in my youth feeling the magic of Star Trek for a solid hour in a row. There are so many things to make jokes about in this episode, so let's get started.
Until further notice and with the permission of the ruling class around here, this will be a work in progress for a while.
== Preface: Forward! Into the Past! ==
We'll begin with the overall concept of the NX Defiant, the engine with guns attached to it that can turn invisible, being sucked back in time to the heyday of good ole' Captain Kirk. I mean, can you imagine the temptation the DS9 cast hasta feel in this one?
*Major Kira- As soon as these fucking Starfleet types are off this ship looking for their tribble-bomb, I'm kicking it into warp 9 and going straight for Cardassia. First thing I'm gonna do is find Dukat's grandma and kick her square in the c---. I'm not sure if I'll obliterate that shitball planet from orbit instantly or slowly, I might want to listen to their screams over the comm system for a while. When I'm done I think I'll visit my undespoiled homeworld. By the Prophets, today's my lucky day.
Incredibly, you notice Kira is the only main member of the crew to stay on the Defiant. And she's not a member Starfleet or anything, so never took any oaths to preserve/protect/respect time and space or any of that crap. She's a former terrorist elevated to a high ranking military position by her revolutionary gov't for her exceptional combat performance. And it was a device of her own Gods that caused them to be thrown back in time anyway! Gods she is devout to! I am speechless how easily a common person could easily see this as a mission from the divine and exploit the situation to the best of their ability. As I think about it, it is less logical to Kira to act the way she did in the show and more logical to go turn Cardassia to glass! Not to mention the fact she's pregnant and filled with Bajoran hormones!
*The Sisko- I'm just going to save Kirk then I'm going to go home to the future. Not gonna do any change to the timestream. A-yup. Just like how they trained me at the Academy.......................yeah, fuck that. I'll save Kirk and then I'll explain where I'm from. I'll give him a copy of my computer's database and tell him about the The Borg, and everything else. Then I'm taking this thing straight through the Wormhole, the Founders are still in the Omarian Nebula in this time. Oh, yeah. I'll have half this galaxy pacified by Tuesday. If I hurry, I can get Starfleet technologically able to reach and invade the Delta Quadrant before I'm 60. 
*Worf- I shall find the wretched ancestors of Duras and cleanse the galaxy of their taint once and for all! And then I will find my grandfather, father always said I took after him.
It is odd to note that doing a small list of a few simple things would solve all the major problems of the galaxy our DS9 characters live in.
*Introduce democratic reform to the Cardassians the American way - with aerial bombardment
*Clean up Klingon politics, perhaps by convincing the High Council to demote Chang to latrine duty for the duration of his career (I was going to make an Admiral Cartwright joke here as well, but my brain imploded for obvious reasons)
*A quick jump to the Omarian Nebula
*The Borg - preparing a big surprise for those bastards
But I digress.
Category:Episodes