The United Islands

The United Islands is an episode written by Golfpecks256, Chairman of Banana Studios, Inc., as an entry for the first round of the second season of Spin Off Kings.
===Transcript===
"The United Islands"
[scene starts at aerial view of Bikini Bottom zooming into Conch Street]
French Narrator: Ah, 'tis a beautiful morning in Bikini Bottom. Where the waters are deeming with life, where citygoers are out and about, and where a fellow Sponge and his best friend Patrick are out to see Mr. Tentacles.
[scene goes to Squidward's bedroom, where SpongeBob and Patrick hide underneath his bed with SpongeBob's alarm clock]
SpongeBob: [whispers] Psst. Patrick, do you think Squidward will be so happy with us waking him up so we can go jellyfishing with him?!
Patrick: [bored face] Uh......... [excitedly] OF COURSE! WHO DOESN'T LOVE JELLYFISHING?!
SpongeBob: Yeah! He'll be even happier when he sees all these bubbles that will come shooting out when my alarm clock rings! 
Patrick: [giggles] Good thing you dumped a solution of tartar sauce in there, yesterday! Tartar Sauce bubbles are the best -- Tum Tum likes them! [Patrick's stomach rumbles]
SpongeBob: How many Tar Tar Sauce bubbles have you swallowed?
Patrick: Oh, only 10,000... [Patrick's stomach continues to rumble, getting louder and louder]
SpongeBob: ONLY?! My alarm clock will ring in FIVE... FOUR... THREE... TWO... ONE!
[Suddenly, Patrick lets out a massive lengthy burp simultaneously as SpongeBob's alarm clock chimes, awaking and blasting Squidward out of bed with bubbles of tar tar sauce all over him and his house.]
Patrick: Now, THAT was a big burp! [smiles sheepishly]
Squidward: Wha- WHAT IN TARNATION?! WHAT IS ALL OF THIS MESSY STUFF?!
Patrick: Oh, we spiced things up with tar tar sauce bubbles because you yelled at us last time saying normal bubbles around here were hard to clean and ruined things.
Squidward: AND you THOUGHT this would be any easier?! [smacks forehead] How dumb are you?
Patrick: So. Darn. Stupid. But hey, look on the bright side, at least you can swallow some! They're tasty!
Squidward: You're disgusting. Your burp full of bubbles sounded like the abominable snow mollusk.
Patrick: I know! [grins] I swallowed ten thousand of these nice, juicy things!
Squidward: You are insane. SpongeBob! Take this pipsqueak with you outside my lawn, [growls] THIS INSTANT!
SpongeBob: No worries, Squidward. Patrick also loves the great outdoors!
Patrick: [slightly angry] No I don't.
[SpongeBob proceeds to drag Patrick downstairs with Squidward following them close behind. Before leaving, SpongeBob taps Squidward's nose, and Squidward slams the door.
Squidward: [barks] Good riddance! Look at this mess. These scallywags can't leave a fine, posh senior like myself in peace and in well-deserved respect. If only there was some way I could start over and live far away from them, far away from Bikini Bottom...
[Squidward sits down at his armchair and thinks. Lightbulb appears]
Squidward: I know! I can abandon them completely by exploring and colonizing a new land separate from Bikini Bottom. Somewhere where I can rule as Squidward Tentacles, King of this Land. Except... [frowns] I don't know where I could possibly find anything like this. I don't have a satellite.
[SpongeBob and Patrick bang on the door and giggle]
Squidward: [frustrated] Ohhhh! I've got to get away from here somehow, at least for the time being!
Squidward's ceiling fan blows a magazine of a getaway island on the other side of the ocean into his face]
Squidward: [continues talking to himself] Hmm... what's this? [gasps] An island getaway would be a perfect retreat from these rapscallions! The only problem is... I probably can't afford a vacation away from home... [ceiling fan blows some of the magazine pages until it reaches the back of the magazine. The back reads in bold: "FREE!" "For a limited time only!"
Squidward: [tears up in joy slightly] Wow... [starts to feel dizzy and lightheaded] This is the best thing that could ever happen to me... ah [slurred] [faints]
(Frenchy) The French Narrator: [timecard] Five and a half hours later...
Squidward: [yelling and jumping in excitement] Wooooooo! This can't get any better! [brings suitcases downstairs and calls a taxi driver] Hello, do you offer service to an island called "Krakatoa"?
Taxi driver: The wild, isolated version of Alcatraz?
Squidward: No, the island.
Taxi driver: Uh... [flicks through map] Sure, I guess... There's only one Krakatoa I know of...
Squidward: Superb! Please stop by 122 Conch Street, pronto!
Taxi driver: But Sir, I'm assuming you have a rocket? Krakatoa Island is only reachable by a Rocket. It's above sea.
Squidward: [eagerly] No worries, bucko! Just come over already. Oh, and ONE more thing. When you arrive, try to be as quiet as possible. We don't want to summon some fellow tearaways that are a rare species of their kind. [hangs up]
[Taxi driver starts driving to Squidward's house.]
Squidward: [to himself, sweating slightly] Oh, I just hope SpongeBob and Patrick don't see me leaving. It would be a catastrophe if they followed me...
[Meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick are at SpongeBob's Pineapple playing a deck of cards.]
Patrick: I have a King!
SpongeBob [sighs but smiles] You win again, Pat!
[Taxi driver arrives. Honks horn at 120 decibels]
Squidward: [frustrated and starts sweating] D'OH!
SpongeBob: Hey Patrick, did you hear that?
Patrick: [confused and disconnected] Hear what...?
SpongeBob: The horn? I think someone is at the door. Let me go check by the window, I don't want to let anyone suspicious in without some intelligence. [winks]
Patrick: [winks and slurred speech] Intelli... wha-?
[SpongeBob starts walking upstairs towards his bedroom window]
[Squidward dashes out of his house. SpongeBob gets a small glimpse at his window of the immediate moment Squidward gets in the cab]
SpongeBob: HOLY SMOKES, PAT. Squidward is going somewhere suspicious!
Patrick: We can't let him get away! He's too misinformed!
 Squidward [yells at Cab Driver while sweating] Drop me off at Sandy Cheeks', NOW.
Taxi driver: Sandy who?
Squidward: STEP ON IT! Sandy Cheeks.
Taxi driver: What's the address?
Squidward: [sweats even more] I don't know! It's a huge bubble.
Taxi driver: Bubble?!
Squidward: No, it's uh.. it's uh.. it's uh.... a TREEDOME! You can't miss it. 
[SpongeBob opens the door]
Squidward: [shrieks] What are you waiting for, you dimwit? STEP ON THE GAS!
[The taxi zooms ahead at high speed, with SpongeBob yelling, "WAIT........."]
SpongeBob: Oh, what do we do now, Pat...
Patrick: I know, let's ask the Magic Conch Shell! It has unmatched wisdom!
Patrick: [to the Conch Shell] Magic Conch Shell, how can we find Squidward? [pulls string]
Magic Conch Shell: Ask Sandy.
SpongeBob: Victory screech!
[SpongeBob and Patrick do the victory screech and start running to Sandy's Treedome. Meanwhile...]
Taxi driver: Is it this transparent, semi-circle-with-a-tree-inside, treedome to the left?
Squidward: Absolutely.
Taxi comes to a sudden stop, and Squidward gets launched and thrown out of his seat, as he wasn't wearing a seat belt, and is pounded against the screen of the cab at front]
Squidward: Did you really have to slam the breaks?
Taxi driver: Yup. We always stop at the precise destination. Even an extra feet would cost you an extra dollar! Your total is approximately $80 Bikini Bottom dollars.
Squidward: 80?! [sneers] Cheapskate.
[Squidward hands over the money and the taxi driver leaves. He knocks the door of Sandy's treedome. Sandy walks and unlocks the entrance. Squidward enters.]
Sandy: Why, welcome, Squidward! [hands him an air helmet] Is there any particular reason you're here other than running away from SpongeBob?
Squidward: Oh no. I just need to borrow one of your contraptions... ahem, I meant rockets to reach a faraway destination in a faraway land... [gleams]
Sandy: Hm.. what "faraway land" is this?
Squidward: An Island called Krakatoa.
Sandy: Isn't that Island uninhabited?
Squidward: No, it's a getaway Island where the best vacations can be experienced! [gleams and daydreams for a second]
Sandy: Hm, okay. Follow me up back.
[Sandy leads Squidward to her rocket.]
Sandy: Do you have any experience with aviation and aircraft?
Squidward: No, but you can help me.
Sandy: [under her breath] Ugh. [normal volume] Okay fine. I will input the GPS coordinates, set up a tracking system, and monitor your journey until your arrival. But I'm afraid I'll have to charge you, hmm... $80.
Squidward: $80?!
Sandy: Yep. Take it or leave it. Only for the best and most high quality work in town! None of y'all in Bikini Bottom get anything better than this.
Squidward: [voice in his mind] If $80 gets me away from two lunatics, then just give in. [talks to Sandy] Okay, sure. [hands Sandy $80 from his wallet]
Sandy: All right.
[Sandy leads Squidward outside. She packs Squidward's luggage in a bottom compartment, but forgets to close it. She then proceeds to help Squidward board her rocket towards the top. SpongeBob and Patrick arrive]
Patrick: Woah, SpongeBob. Did I just see Squidward enter that rocket of Sandy's?!
SpongeBob: You sure did, Pat. I wonder where he's going?
Patrick: Maybe he's going to Mars!
SpongeBob: What for? He isn't a scientist, is he?
Patrick: To meet some alien friends, maybe.
 SpongeBob: That would be cool! Imagine meeting extraterrestrial life!
Patrick: [whispers] Maybe we should sneak in with the luggage. [points to open luggage compartment]
SpongeBob: Not a bad idea!
[SpongeBob and Patrick secretly enter the luggage compartment.]
SpongeBob: Let's hide under these bags so we don't get seen!
[Scene transition upwards to Sandy]
Sandy: All right, Squidward. You're good to go. [closes rocker door, and starts heading down to mission control]
Sandy: Oh snap, I forgot to close the luggage area. Let me do it quickly. [shuts the luggage compartment door] [briskly rubbing hands together] There we go.
[SpongeBob and Patrick giggle inside, but Sandy doesn't notice and heads over to mission control to start the rocket.]
Sandy: [on the speaker] Take off begins in 5...
[SpongeBob and Patrick start giggling again]
Sandy: [on the speaker] 4...
[They giggle even more]
Sandy: [on the speaker] 3...
Squidward: This is it, Squiddy. Time away from SpongeBob and Patrick! [clenches fists together] Yes!
Sandy: [on the speaker] 2...
SpongeBob: [pats Patrick on the head] Today's the day buddy! Today's the day we travel to space!
Sandy: [on the speaker] 1...
[SpongeBob and Patrick, no longer containing their excitement, holler their victory screech]
Squidward: [gasps] Was that who I thought it was?
Sandy: [on the speaker] LIFT OFF!
Squidward: [yells] WAIT!
[But it's too late. The rocket takes off at high speed.]
Squidward: [helplessly talks to himself] What if they're on BOARD?! [almost faints] [tries to calm himself down] Don't worry. They can't possibly be on board. They can't possibly have snuck on to the rocket somehow. Everything was sealed shut beforehand and afterwards.
Squidward: [relieved] I'm just overreacting. There's nothing to worry about! Getaway island, on the other side of the ocean, here we come!
Patrick: [to SpongeBob] I'm feeling a little drowsy here, bud, with all this shaking.
SpongeBob: Yeah, same. I wonder how long this trip will be?
Patrick: Too long!
[A few seconds later, Patrick starts snoring and is asleep. SpongeBob is also tired and gradually falls asleep as well]
French Narrator: [timecard] 4 hours later...
[rocket lands on Krakatoa Island on the other side of the Pacific Ocean in Indonesia. Squidward gets out, and SpongeBob and Patrick hide inside his luggage to avoid being immediately spotted]
Squidward: [Starting to walk out of the island, excited.] This is going to be great! [walks out] [becomes unimpressed] Oh. It's just an island with a sand bay, a forest area, and a mountain. No lagoons, no activities, nothing! I can't believe a *high quality* magazine would advertise this! [starts tearing up and crying a little] [explodes] This is a WASTE OF TIME! [cries further]
It's not industrialized, inhabited, or even known... [lightbulb appears] But hey! This could mean I'm the first explorer to reach here, making this piece of land mine! This could be a new country, and I could finally rule a piece of land larger than my home, and rule it without buffoonery sabotaging my styles. [enthusiastic] This is going to be great!
Oh wait, but like all new explorers, I must claim this territory as MINE!
[Squidward rushes to a nearby forestry area, and with a chainsaw, slashes an entire tree down only to use one fraction of the wood given to build a flag pole. He draws a silhouette of himself on the flag, and plants it promptly and proudly onto the sand.]
Squidward: This island shall be named: Squidland Wardland! A getaway island and newly colonized nation for people of my style!
[The sun shines heavily and makes Squidward tired]
Squidward: Ugh, this hot summer sun is making me dizzy and tired... [lightbulb flashes] I know!
[Squidward rushes to the chopped down tree, and utilizes vines and leaves to create a hammock under two trees near the sand, providing some shade. He hops onto the hammocks]
Squidward: Now this is the life! Now if only I could have some refreshments... [notices some coconuts a block away under a coconut tree] PERFECT!
[Squidward picks up a coconut, and plants a straw into it, drinking the coconut water inside]
Squidward: [relaxed tone] [sighs] Ah, this is the life! I guess life above sea is so good after all! I should probably get my sunglasses and sun block due to how powerful the sun's rays are today, but... [drifts off into a sleep]
French Narrator: [timecard] A few odd minutes and moments later...
SpongeBob: [wakes up and whispers] Psst. Patrick! I think we might be on Mars now! I think the rocket landed!
Patrick: Wha- wha- what?
SpongeBob: [unzips the bag they were both in and opens the door] Woah... this isn't Mars at all.
Patrick: It looks even better! It's the perfect place to sit around and do nothing!
SpongeBob: No, there must be something to do... maybe even extraterritorial life! Does extraterritorial life exist above water?
Patrick: I'm pretty sure the only extraterritorial life in the universe is Santa.
SpongeBob: Interesting observation.
Patrick: [excitedly points] Hey look! If it isn't the man himself, there's Mr. Tentacles!
SpongeBob: Why is he asleep? 
Patrick: The sun must be too much for him, but not for me! [jumps into the sand and lays there on his front]
SpongeBob: Hey Patrick, something just struck me. What if we were to create a new Bikini Bottom here? A new land, or territory, or country?
Patrick: [gets up] Ooh! That would be awesome! Would it be called "The Patrick Star Kingdom"?
SpongeBob: Nah, sounds a little too cheap.
Patrick: How about the land of SpongeBobia?
SpongeBob: Sounds already used up.
Patrick: Hmm... how about the United Nations?
SpongeBob: Or... [bursts out in excitement] THE UNITED ISLANDS?!
Patrick: Yeah! That's a good one!
SpongeBob: This could be the best place on earth! We can make it like a getaway island, except it's also a permanent country! 
Patrick: That hasn't been done before! We'll be famous!
SpongeBob: [chips in] And all over the history books! Wait a minute, say Pat... it looks like there's already a flag here... [points to the flag of Squidland Wardland]
Patrick: Nah. We can take this land from them. We can be aspiring conquerors! They won't mind. [giggles]
[Patrick pulls out an axe from his pants]
SpongeBob: [gasps] Wha- what are you doing?
[Patrick slashes the flag, and then burns it down]
Patrick: What am I doing? I'm helping us conquer this beauty!
[Patrick then goes on to pluck a round of wood and planted a flag, with the title, "The United Islands of the Pacific" written on it with sponge and sea star figures.]
SpongeBob: [attached to flag] Ooh! I must say, that's a good design! But how will we industrialize this place?
Patrick: That's easy! Chop down the trees and burn everything! [lifts chainsaw and matches]
[The nearby mountainous terrain in the distance produces a very micro earthquake]
SpongeBob: WAIT! [suspicious and worried] Let's ask Sandy for advice first. 
Patrick: Ah, c'mon SpongeBob. What are you afraid of?! This land is all ours!
SpongeBob: Well, uh... [tries to flick a reason into mind] She's smart!
Patrick: [crosses arms in suspicion] [chats to Magic Conch Shell] Magic Conch Shell, should we ask Ms. Cheeks to help us with this devilish, but yet ambitious, endeavor?
Magic Conch Shell: Yes.
Patrick: Well... hm.. [thinks for a minute] if you say so... [turns to SpongeBob] [shouts] SPONGEBOB! I COMMAND YOU TO REACH OUT TO SANDY CHEEKS!
"SpongeBob:' [Pick up a flip phone made of a shell and dials in Sandy] Hi Sandy!
Sandy: Yeah, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Can you, uh... do us a favor?
Sandy: Sure. Anything for an inquisitive sponge. What do you need?
SpongeBob: I need you to come over to the United Islands!
Sandy: The what?
SpongeBob: [speaks louder] The United Islands.
Sandy: I'm sorry?
SpongeBob: [speaks even louder and in slow motion] U-N-I-T-E-D I-S-L-A-N-D-S!
Sandy: Where is that? Is that an imaginary place at Patrick's rock, like a staycation?
SpongeBob: No, we took a ride with Squidward above water.
Sandy: [in an interrogating tone] Wait a second... did you sneak in with Squidward's bags at his house before he left when he wasn't looking?
SpongeBob: [laughing] No, silly, we just entered through the luggage door.
Sandy: Uh-huh. Well, what exactly do you need help with? 
SpongeBob: Colonizing and industrializing this place!
Sandy: What place? You mean Krakatoa Island?
Patrick: [grabs the phone and yells] NO! This is the UNITED ISLANDS!
Sandy: Okay, whatever. I helped build an island nation with a hotel and all of these cool perks back at one summer when me and the rest of the Krusty Krew got pushed by a massive wave onto different islands.
SpongeBob: Not everyone got pushed by a massive wave onto different islands. Mr. Krabs said he met the Flying Dutchmen when Cashy's slot smacked the Dutchmen in the face.
Sandy: Oh, that ol' Krabs is a cheapskate. Never mind him. I'd be happy to help you build the Krakatoa Island!
Patrick: [grabs the phone and yells again] NO! This is the UNITED ISLANDS!
Sandy: Oh, be quite, Patrick. I definitely haven't been out of water in a while. Say, have you two been wearing the spare helmets I left in the luggage?
SpongeBob & Patrick: [obediently responding] Yes.
Sandy: [relieved] Good! You two critters would've been two fried french fries if you didn't wear them on land. Squid's wearing them, right?
[both stare at Squidward]
Patrick: Uh... no... but maybe it's because he's asleep, so he can already breathe well.
Sandy: Are you nuts?! If he's asleep or feeling tired, it means he's deprived of the ocean water critters like you need to survive and needs an air helmet. Quick! Give him one!
Patrick: Are you sure? He's sleeping...
Sandy: [yelling] GIVE IT TO HIM! He's DYING!
SpongeBob: OH! [SpongeBob rushes and grabs a water helmet for Squidward, and silently, yet slickly, places it on his head without waking him up] [swipes hands and walks away] Squid's saved, now! Hooray!
Sandy: All right. I'll be there soon, riding my supersonic jet, to help y'all with your construction plans.
SpongeBob & Patrick in Unison: YAY!
French Narrator: [timecard] Ten minutes later...
[Sandy's supersonic jet makes a dissent and lands on the other side of the island to avoid waking up Squidward from his nap, as he never woke up in the aftermath despite having an air helmet. Sandy maneuvers a boat to the other side of the island to greet SpongeBob]
Sandy: [proudly, slightly sarcastic] Excellent work you've done here, fellas! You've already chosen a name and planted a flag!
SpongeBob: Indeed.
Sandy: I'll have this island in a bustling and advanced environment as soon as you can say a bunch of munchy, crunchy, tasty acorns!
French Narrator: 8 hours later...
[Scene switches to inside the Krusty Krab, ON the United Islands, with Squidward's hammock literally at the center, while the restaurant's structure is built around it. Mr. Krabs, who later also traveled to the United Islands when told of the great economic opportunities, is present at the restaurant establishment]
Mr. Krabs: [Yells into a megaphone] WELCOME BACK, SQUIDWARD!
[Peg Leg Waltz (https://youtube.com/watch?v=Wwbt1SIjxco) starts playing.]
Squidward: Wha- wha- WHERE AM I? I THOUGHT I LEFT BIKINI BOTTOM?!
Mr. Krabs: You did!
Squidward: So then why am I at the Krusty Krab?
Mr. Krabs: Because you're still a loyal Krusty Krab employee by our codebook, we brought the Krusty Krab to you!
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward must be so happy! [yells] This is the BEST JOB EVER, and I wouldn't want to miss it! [victory screech]
Patrick: [victory screech]
Squidward: I came here to escape you dangerous larrikins! Get off of my ISLAND! This is Squidland!
Patrick: [bursts like a balloon] NO! FOR THE LAST TIME, THIS IS THE UNITED ISLANDS!
Squidward: I found it first. [smacks Mr. Krabs in the face with his tentacles and tosses a table towards Patrick]
Mr. Krabs: So you want to have a civil war, eh? FIRE UP THE CANNONS!
[victory screech]
[SpongeBob blasts 10,000 Krabby Patties at Squidward from the kitchen and he surrenders.]
Mr. Krabs: He surrenders! We win! He now has to pay $80... ahem, excuse me, $8 million dollars to cover the fines for these 10,000 delicious patties.
Squidward: [growls like never before] NO! I FOUND THIS FIRST!
[In the distance, at the top of the mountain, Plankton emerges]
Plankton: [yelling into the microphone] YOU FOOLS! [starts devilishly laughing] I GOT HERE FIRST!
Mr. Krabs: I could tear apart one of your antennae any time I wanted, pipsqueak. Shush! This new land will make the Krusty Krab a fortune! [yells at the top of his lungs] I'LL BE FILTHY RICH!
Plankton: Oh yeah! How would you react if I told you that this mountain here has a lot of potential and is actually a dangerous VOLCANO!
Squidward: Wait, WHAT?! That's a VOLCANO?!
Plankton: You heard me the first time! If Krabs won't surrender the Krabby Patty Secret Formula, I'll utterly destroy it! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
[There's another earthquake felt by the island-goers. This one is of a larger magnitude, with the epicenter being the volcano]
SpongeBob: [starts crying] OH NO!
Patrick: [carelessly] Eh, it's just a piece of paper. It's just a secret formula. No biggie?
SpongeBob: [screeches] No biggie?! The secret formula means everything to the Krusty Krab! It's a treasure worth more than silver!
Mr. Krabs: [yells] Surrender yourself, Plankton, and I'll let you keep one of your antennae!
Plankton: Watching SpongeBob cry is a fine sight to see! 
[Suddenly, the volcano, Krakatoa, erupts the moment Plankton forgot he was right in the way of the eruption sitting at the top speaking down to the group]
Plankton: [alarmed] AHHHHH! [jumps off the edge of the volcano towards the sea]
Sandy: Everyone, quick! [points to jet]
[Everyone boards Sandy's jet within a matter of seconds fearing for their lives. Meanwhile, ashes and pieces of rock erupt out of the magma-filled cauldron]
Sandy: Take off in 5... 
Patrick: [shivers]
Sandy: Take off in 4...
Squidward: [shaking]
Sandy: Take off in 3...
Mr. Krabs: [tightly clinging on]
Sandy: Take off in 2...
Plankton: [from outside] HEY! ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME HERE?!
Sandy: Take off in 1...
SpongeBob: [teeth shattering]
Sandy: Lift-off!
[Sandy's rocket takes off, just as a pyroclastic flow almost sabotaged the rocket. Plankton is still drifting in open waters. Mr. Krabs opens up a window and blurts out to Plankton.]
Mr. Krabs: So long, ya little bacterium! The Krabby Patty Formula never left Bikini Bottom this whole time, and you can stay abandoned, far away from Bikini Bottom! [starts laughing]
French Narrator: 1 hour later...
[Supersonic jet descends upon Bikini Bottom late at night]
SpongeBob: [talking to himself] Oh boy, I'll never walk into uninhabited islands again! [cheerfully] But the spirit of the United Islands will live on! 
[Squidward walks home alone. Enters home with keys. As he prepares to head for a good night rest... ]
Squidward: Oh man, I'm glad that's over! My vacation was ... ruined by SpongeBob and Patrick and an uncontrollable force of nature... but at least I'm glad that's over! [drifts to sleep]
[Patrick launches a record player that smashes through Squidward's window that plays SpongeBob and Patrick doing the victory screech]
[Squidward's closed eyes crackle awake and the episode ends]
Category:Episodes
Category:2020 Episodes
Category:Spin Off Kings Season Two
Category:Golfpecks256
Category:Banana Studios
Category:Spin-Off Kings