The Slug Quintet

The Slug Quintet is the twenty-fourth episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the fourth episode of season two. In this episode, Squidward is pet-sitting Gary. Squidward, in order to enrich Gary's mind, turns the television to the Kelpy G Network. This network inspires Gary to play the clarinet, only to Squidward's unconfidence. Squidward plays his clarinet to show Gary what true mastery sounds like, only to play horribly. After Squidward leaves his house, the police arrive to arrest the creator of such a horrible sound. Gary is assumed to be the culprit, forcing him to attempt to play the clarinet, which he does beautifully, soothing the police. Gary finds out that he is a virtuoso, and uses this opportunity to launch his career. This episode is paired with Childish Games.
==Characters==
*SpongeBob SquarePants
*Gary the Snail
*Nate (debut)
*Carol (debut)
*Jensen (debut)
*Squidward Tentacles
*Mitchell Angler (debut)
*Miscellaneous Fish
==Transcript==
*[episode begins at Squidward's house; the camera slowly pans inward to Squidward's window, revealing Gary, watching television; the camera cuts to behind Gary]
*Gary: [grabs remote] Meow. [turns channel] Meow. [turns channel] Meow. [turns channel] Meow. [camera begins to constantly close-up to Gary] Meow. [cuts inward] Meow. [cuts inward] Meow! [Gary stands up] Meow!
*Squidward: [walks from kitchen with a cup] What is the matter now, snail?
*Gary: [rolls onto shell] Meow meow ma-meow meow.
*Squidward: Nothing on television? [shakes head; puts cup down] I'm not getting paid enough to pet-sit, and that's only because Mr. Krabs refuses to pay SpongeBob.
*Gary: [begins rolling around] Meow meow.
*Squidward: You're not going to die of boredom, now stop overexaggerating.
*Gary: [eye stalks rise from below dirt] Meow? [slugs from under dirt] Meow meow meow ma-meow.
*Squidward: Of course there's something else to watch! [Gary slugs to beside couch] Now watch as I bring you culture via television! [turns channel]
*Television: ...And that's why carrots make the "sound" sound.
*Squidward: Sound sound? [turns channel rapidly] There's no such thing as a "sound" sound.
*Gary: Meow meow?
*Squidward: No, this isn't the culture I was telling you about. [turns the channel one last time] The culture I am informing you of is right before you. [opens arm to television]
*Television: Welcome back to the Kelpy G. Network.
*Squidward: [sighs in relief] Now watch as your mind is enriched while having your ears sent to a tropical vacation.
*Gary: [watches Kelpy G; in surprise] Meoooow.
*Squidward: Beautiful, isn't it?
*Gary: [eye stalks begin to inch toward the television] Meow.
*Squidward: Hey! Move your eyes! They're blocking the television! [stands up] Grr! Why do they have to aggrivate me? [grabs Gary's shell] If you don't get off of this television right now, I'm going to...!
*Gary: Meow meow.
*Squidward: Oh yeah, you have a good point there. [continues pulling; pries Gary off; Squidward is flung back to the couch]
*[couch begins flipping backwards and finally lands]
*Squidward: You have become a pest, Gary. [places Gary on coffee table] Control yourself. [lies back] Now relax and watch Kelpy G. do his stuff.
*Kelpy G. [on television] Hello, fello clarinetists. And if you're not one, then turn the channel.
*Gary: [sighs] Meow meow meow. [slugs to remote]
*Squidward: If you so much as look at that remote...
*Gary: [rolls eyes] Meow. [slugs away from remote]
*Kelpy G. I call this little number "On A Swift Note". [begins playing]
*Squidward: Ah. Serene splender has entered the building.
*Gary: [eyes widen] Meeeooow.
*Squidward: They are swift notes, aren't they?
*Gary: Meow meow. [eye stalks stretch to television once again] Meow.
*Squidward: Oh, not this again! [stands up] Gary, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that you want to be like Kelpy G.
*Gary: [nods head] Meow.
*Squidward: [pries Gary off; smiles] Well, if that's true, then there's only one thing I can say. [plain face] It's not going to happen! [laughs hysterically] You should have the look on your little snail face! [walks over to clarinet stand] You actually think you can become an ocean-renowned clarinetist? Ha! If there's anybody in this room that actually has a chance at that, then you're looking at him. [points to self] Gary!
*Gary: [looking at television; turns to Squidward] Meow?
*Squidward: Yes, me! Now watch as the master, besides Kelpy, takes over the stage. [lifts clarinet; sucks in air; begins playing sour notes]
*Gary: [loud noise begins blowing on Gary; the noise finally knocks Gary shell off; Gary is also sent into the air] Meow!
*Squidward: [stops playing] Do you see now? [puts down clarinet] True mastery is right before you. [watch beeps] Oh, if you'll excuse me, I must get going to somewhere other than here. Take care of yourself. [walks out door]
*Gary: [pops up from under shell] Meeeow. [loud knock at the door]
*Voice: Hey! Open up! This is the police! You better answer in the next five seconds or this door is coming right off!
*Gary: Meow! [slugs toward the door; reaches for door knob; door is knocked down onto Gary] Meow. [slugs from under door, flattened; props back up]
*Police Officer: You! We have received a noise disturbance from this house, and you're the only one in here!
*Police Officer 2: Yeah, but he's only a snail. How would he cause a noise disturbance?
*Police Officer: He's the only one here! He had to! [takes out handcuffs] Let's cuff him! Huh? [Gary has escaped] Where did he go?
*Gary: [camera cuts to Gary, running down the hallway] Meow!
*Police Officer: [appears behind him with other police officer] Get back here! [accidentally knocks over a statue; the statue sends the clarinet into the air; the clarinet lands right in front of Gary]
*Gary: [slips over clarinet and lands on shell] Meow. [gasps; picks up clarinet] Meow meow meow. [begins blowing into clarinet; begins playing beautifully]
*Police Officer: [stops running] Halt, Keaton. [places hand to ear] Listen. The snail is doing this.
*Keaton: I guess he wasn't causing the disturbance at all. Let's get out of here. We're missing our appointment.
*Police Officer: What appointment?
*Keaton: The appointment for not being here when the owner returns and will blame the snail instead of us.
*Police Officer: Oh, yeah. [begins running with Police Officer 2] I thought it was another dentist appointment.
*Gary: [stops playing] Meeeow.
*Squidward: [rushes into house] Why is my door off its hinges?! [looks around and sees Gary with clarinet, the broken statue and clarinet stand] You! Look what you've done! I went out to...well...let's not worry about what I was doing, and you wreck my entire house! Not to mention you nearly destroyed the one thing I care about! [camera cuts to a portrait of Grandma SquarePants, on the ground; the camera pans back to Squidward, who is lifting his clarinet] This! My clarinet! What do you have to say for yourself?
*Gary: Meow. [leaps to clarinet, and begins blowing into it, playing beautifully]
*Squidward: [gasps] How are you doing that?! [takes clarinet from Gary] That doesn't matter! I want you out! So...out! [points to door]
*Gary: [mumbling to self] Meow ma-meow meow ma-meow. [slugs out of house]
*Squidward: That's right! Keep it moving! [picks up door and slams it upward] That blasted snail! He thinks he's better than me! [to self] That's probably because he is. [aloud] Oh, quiet you!
*[scene cuts to Gary, slithering home]
*SpongeBob: [opens door] Gary! Home so soon? I wasn't even expecting your arrival. [allows Gary in]
*Gary: Meow. [eyes widen at a room filled with Gary portraits, plush toys, and other snail-like items]
*SpongeBob: See. Nothing's changed here.
*Gary: [eyes become normal] Meow meow.
*SpongeBob: Call me crazy, Gary, but I believe that I heard Squidward playing his clarinet, and sounded good! And some sirens and wooden doors being broken down, but that's besides the point.
*Gary: Meow.
*SpongeBob: That was you?! Look at my little virtuoso! [grabs clarinet] Let's see you do it again, Gare-bare.
*Gary: Meow meow?
*SpongeBob: Why do I have the clarinet, you ask? Well...uh...let's not worry about that. [pulls up chair] I'm interested in you, little guy.
*Gary: Meow meow. [sucks in air; begins playing beautifully]
*SpongeBob: [sighs in relief] Whoa. It really was you. [takes clarinet] We have to get you out there, Gary.
*Gary: Meow meow?
*SpongeBob: You know. Get you out on the sidewalk, have you play some music, and then...boom...you're making tens.
*Gary: Meow?
*SpongeBob: Well, you're not going to become a millionaire just by playing on the sidewalk.
*Gary: [stands up] Meow meow!
*SpongeBob: That's the spirit, Gare-Bare! [points to the street] The street is now your hollow kingdom!
*Male Fish: [passing by; looks at SpongeBob] Three fingers back, sponge. You'll never rat me out again! [runs away]
*Gary: [eyes go plain] Meow. [slugs onto street; SpongeBob places the clarinet onto Gary's shell]
*SpongeBob: Have fun, Gary. [to self] Ah. He's growing up so fast.
*[scene cuts to Gary, playing beautifully on the sidewalk]
*Female Fish: Whoa. This is amazing!
*Male Fish: I know. [camera cuts to reveal eels, dancing] It's truly a beautiful sight, but what about that guy over there. [points to Gary]
*Female Fish: That's even more amazing! [male and female fish run over to Gary]
*Eel 1: [stops dance] I told you this was all just going to turn out uninteresting.
*Eel 2: Shut it.
*[scene cuts to a crowd, forming around Gary, playing his clarinet]
*Gary: [finishing clarinet piece; bows] Meow. Meow. [coral is thrown at Gary] Meow?
*Female Fish: Coral's the new craze. Flowers were so five performances ago. [throws coral at Gary]
*Male Fish 2: [walks to front, clapping] Yes yes. That was a truly splendid performance, Mr. Snail. [stops clapping] Absolutely marvelous! So great, I should make it into a record and sell it in stores.
*Gary: Meow meow meow?
*Male Fish 2: Am I a fellow musician? [laughing] No, my snail. I don't make music. I sell music. I am Mitchell Angler, famous [whispers] and somewhat infamous [aloud] music producer! [holds out hand]
*Gary: [shakes hands with Mitchell] Meow.
*Mitchell: [looks at goo-covered hand] Eew. Well, see you around. [walks away]
*Gary: Meow. [scoffs] Meow! [slugs toward Mitchell] Meow meow. Meow.
*Mitchell: [turns around] Is there something you want, snail one.
*Gary: Meow! [plays a few notes] Meow!
*Mitchell: You want to become famous? [straightens tie] You drive a hard bargain, snail, but I think I can squeeze you in the music industry. [holds hand; retracts hand] Never mind. I only have one more hankercheif. I would have to use my ascot.
*Gary: [hops onto Mitchell] Meow. [hops to Mitchell's feet; kisses Mitchell's shoe] Meow. [kisses shoe] Meow.
*Mitchell: That's the way to gravel. [picks up Gary] You've got yourself a deal!
*[scene cuts to a skyscraper with "Bikini Bottom Tunes Inc." pasted at the top; the camera pans slowly into a room through an open window; Mitchell and Gary are standing in the room]
*Mitchell: So, you want to become famous off of the clarinet, huh?
*Gary: Meow meow.
*Mitchell: Perfect. Here's the thing: that's not going to work.
*Gary: Meow?
*Mitchell: People don't just want to hear one instrument. They want to hear multiple instruments at once. In the music industry, we call it polysymphonics. Yet, the common folk know it as...well..."hearing multiple instruments". That's the effect we want. We want people to hear multiple instruments, publish multiple records, and bring multiple truck loads of money.
*Gary: [looks at instruments in back] Meow. [blows into trumpet, playing beautifully]
*Mitchell: Is that all you got, Garold?
*Gary: Hmm. [blows into flute, playing beautifully] Meow.
*Mitchell: Wow indeed. You seem to be somewhat of a virtuoso. That trait is going to sell so many records, it'll be synchronous with the number of clams you're going to earn/
*Gary: Meow meow.
*Mitchell: [rubs chin] Hmm. You make a good point, snail. But how are we going to find other snails that can play multiple instruments as well? Oh yeah. [holds up a large stack of dollar bills] With a little bit of this, [holds up phone] and a little bit of this.
*Gary: Meow meow?
*Mitchell: You'll just have to wait and see what it does. Money and communication can do numerous things, such as...[feels a tug at leg]
*Snail 1: Meow. We've been waiting here ever since you showed all of the world your money.
*Mitchell: Ah, why if it isn't my mother, it's...[looks down at Snail 1] Nate.
*Nate: That's right, and I don't hang around with other snails cheap, you know.
*Mitchell: [laughs] Yes, I know. You'll get your pay in due time, Nate. In due time.
*Snail 2: [slugs into room] Is Nate demanding pay again? Remember, Nate. In due time.
*Nate: What does that even mean, Carol?
*Carol: You tell me, Nate. I was just repeating what Mitchell said.
*Nate: Carol, you can fawn better than anyone else I know.
*Gary: Meow meow?
*Nate: You're pairing us with him? He can't even talk!
*Mitchell: But he can play multiple instruments like you two, therefore he's valid. [whispers] And he's the only one else that we could both find or wanted to actually do this.
*Nate: [sighs] Fine, we'll make it work.
*Mitchell: Perfect. [aloud] Well, I'll leave this quintet to themselves then. [walks out of room] Make sure to get along! [looks back in through door] And don't break anything. This room has security cameras. [walks away]
*Gary: Meow meow?
*Nate: Yeah, he did say quintet.
*Gary: Meow meow?
*Carol: Well, there's three of us and one of you. It makes a quintet.
*Gary: Meow ma-meow meow?
*Carol: Oh, that. Yeah. We do have one more member of our team, yet he's kind of shy. Oh, Jensen. Get out here.
*Jensen: [slugs carefully into the room] Meow.
*Carol: He can speak regular Sea-glish like us, yet he's way too shy to.
*Nate: If he's too shy to even socialize with us, then how can he even get up on stage?
*Carol: Well, he auditioned and he got in the team with us.
*Nate: But he's too shy to do anything.
*Carol: [whispers to Nate] Yeah, but his mother's not.
*Nate: [gasps] Ohhhh. That explains a lot of things, like why my guitar got misplaced in the...
*Carol: Yep.
*Gary: Meow ma-meow ma-ma-meow.
*Carol: Yeah. I guess we are a quintet now. But all we need is a cool name for the band. Something that's...ironic.
*Gary: [thinks; stands up, knocking over a broom] Meow! [slugs out of way of falling broom; backs up into another broom, which knocks Gary's shell off of his back] Meow!
*Nate: Ha! [points to Gary] You look like a slug! [laughs hysterically]
*Carol: A slug? A slug! That's it! All of us are snails! Now Gary looks like a slug. He has no shell. That's the kind of ironic that we're waiting for!
*Nate: [stops laughter] I think it is. Quite a good quintet we have going here.
*Carol: A quintet we are! [to self] For the billionth time. [aloud] We can call ourselves "The Slug Quintet".
*Nate: The Slug Quintet? How did you come up with that?
*Carol: [chuckles] Oh, you kidder. [to self] Please be kidding.
*Mitchell: Did we get some ideas brewing in here, snails? [looks at Gary] And slug?
*Carol: Even better than that, Mr. Mitchell! We have the band name!
*Mitchell: That's great! I would love to hear it right after I stop being here. You snails tire me out. [walks out of room abruptly; looks back in door] Excuse me. You snails...and slug...tire me out. [disappears from door]
*Gary: [hops back into shell; pops out with shell on back] Meow meow meow.
*[scene cuts to a montage of "The Slug Quintet" performing on numerous stages with their instruments; the band easily make their way to the top ten on the billboards, making number six on the charts]
*Carol: [looking at billboard list] Currently, we are at number...six. We're one spot from being in the top five, guys!
*Nate: Uh huh. That's great. [throws chart away] Now throw that chart away and let's get to writing some more music. We won't get into the top five if we just laze around.
*Carol: You mean slug around. [laughs]
*[scene cuts back to the montage; The Slug Quintet rises to the top five, making top four and then top three on the charts]
*Gary: [at home, reading charts] Meow meow!
*SpongeBob: What's that, Gary? [looks at paper] Ooh! Number four on the charts?!
*Gary: Meow.
*SpongeBob: It looks like business is booming. Speaking of booming, you're going to be bigger than "Dan-O'-Mite and the Explosive Sardines", which are currently at number three.
*Gary: Meow meow.
*SpongeBob: Well I wouldn't know why they couldn't come up with a better name.
*Gary: Meow ma-meow.
*SpongeBob: [annoyed] Yes, I know you guys did better.
*[scene cuts to the final montage; The Slug Quintet moves to second on the billboard charts]
*Nate: [in Mitchell's office] This should bring us up to number one. [drops dollar bill; lamely acts] Oh no. Is this a dollar that has just dropped on the ground? Oh my. I better pick it up before it gets stolen.
*Carol: [picks up dollar bill; lamely acts] I'll be taking that. This dollar bill is now mine.
*Nate: Oh no. A thief has just stolen my dollar. It's a good thing I have another dollar bill [pulls out dollar bill] right here in my pocket.
*Carol: [reaches for dollar bill] I'll be taking that.
*Nate: [backs away slowly] Oh no you don't, thief. This dollar bill is for the Charity Association of Regional Ecosystems, also known as CARE. This dollar bill is going right to the charity so I can help all of the other needy snails out there. [places dollar bill into a slot in the wall; the dollar bill falls right onto a desk with a picture of Nate] There we go. The dollar bill has just been sent to the charity.
*Carol: You may have won this fight, citizen, but I'll try again on stage at the next TSQ concert, where we'll send all ticket proceeds to the CARE foundation.
*Nate: [serious] We will? [Carol hits Nate's shoulder; back to lame acting] Oh, yes, we will. [laughs nervously; to self] It's for the best.
*[every person in the officer begins cheering]
*Carol: Thank you. Thank you. Be sure to send this to the media! [Nate and Carol run out of the office space]
*[the camera cuts to a shot of the billboard charts, where The Slug Quintet is now at the top of the billboards]
*Carol: [cheers] Whoo hoo! We finally got to the top of the billboards, you guys! Let's celebrate!
*Nate: Celebration is for those who want to quit work and take time to have fun. [jumps onto couch] This, what I'm doing right here, is not work. This is relaxation, and when you're at the top of the billboards, you don't get to do this very often. We should focus on our music and then find some time to relax.
*Carol: But Nate! All you do is talk about work, work, work. You never even mention relax or play or have fun! Sometimes we all just want to unwind and take a little break from here and then. It's what makes our band strong.
*Nate: [hops off of couch] No. What makes the band strong is me. If it wasn't for my constant pushing, we wouldn't be at the top of the billboards right now!
*Gary: Meow meow ma-meow ma-meow meow.
*Nate: You stay out of this, Gare-Brat!
*Carol: Hey! Don't talk to a fellow band member like that! He's just as an important of an asset to the band as you or I.
*Nate: Says who?! [begins walking to the door] I know a way to make him more important. Let me lessen the burden for you guys! I'm out of here! [storms out of door]
*Carol: No! Nate! Come back! [runs toward door]
*Gary: [grabs Carol] Meow meow.
*Carol: [pulls away] Don't you get it, Gary? We can't be a quintet without Nate. We'll be a trio! Not a four-member full quintet!
*Gary: Meow ma-meow...
*Carol: No! It's too late! The band's ruined! Without four members, what's the point of even being a band? [slugs out of room]
*Gary: [slugs to Jensen] Meow meow?
*Jensen: Uh...[sighs; shakes head; slugs out the door as well]
*Gary: [eye stalks slump to the ground] Meow.
*Mitchell: I heard that you guys are feuding. What's this all about?
*Gary: Meow meow meow. Meow ma-meow meow.
*Mitchell: It's not too late, Gary. We'll replace those snails with some other fish-folk. You know, I know a great eel that would love a spot in the limelight!
*Gary: [eye stalks rise, yet still remain sad; shakes head] Meow meow. Meow meow mo-meow.
*Mitchell: Are you sure?
*Gary: [sighs; nods head] Meow meow. [begins to slug toward the door]
*[scene cuts to SpongeBob's house; SpongeBob is carrying a bowl of snail food to Gary's room]
*SpongeBob: [opens door] Gary? Are you in here?
*Gary: [turns around in bed, sad] Meow.
*SpongeBob: Gary, you have to stop being so sad. Not everyone gets a shot at the big time, and you were one of them. Be happy that you got to be one of them.
*Gary: Meow meow ma-meow.
*SpongeBob: Who cares about the billboards? It's just numbers on paper. If you think about it, the billboards don't even exist. What used to exist was your band, and that's what matters.
*Gary: Meow meow.
*SpongeBob: It is going to turn around, Gary. You just have to believe it will.
*Gary: Meow me-meow mo-meow. [slugs toward snail food and begins eating]
*SpongeBob: That's the spirit, Gary. [begins to leave room] Call me if you need anything. [closes door]
*Gary: Meow meow.
*SpongeBob: [reopens door] Oh. It seems that you have a visitor.
*Gary: Meow ma-meow?
*SpongeBob: Yep. It's Squidward. [allows Squidward into the room] Just call if you need anything.
*Squidward: [closes door] We won't. This is going to be quick. [points to Gary defensively] Listen here, snail. I tried to warn you about the dangers of the music industry. But you wouldn't listen, and look where it has you now: depressed. In my opinion, you should have started in a solo act, published a record or two to make your debut. It's better to be a one-hit-wonder than to be a hasbeen. Just a tip of advice, you snail. [walks out of room]
*Gary: Meow meow? [gets idea] Meeow.
*[scene cuts to Gary, in front of a microphone with his clarinet; begins playing beautifully into the microphone]
*Gary: [stops playing] Meow meow. [shuts off recorder; a disc comes out of the recording machine; Gary picks up disc] Meow mo-meow. [places disc inside of a record case that says "Sounds of Gary"] Meow meow. [picks up record case and slugs into the living room]
*SpongeBob: [walks by living room; stops to see Gary] What's that you have, Gary?
*Gary: [holds up record case in triumph] Meow.
*SpongeBob: Are you sure you want to reincorporate yourself into the music business, Gary?
*Gary: Meow ma-meow.
*SpongeBob: Well, okay. As long as you think you have everything planned out.
*Gary: Meow meow. [places record into record player]
*SpongeBob: Oh yeah. That's going to sell, Gary.
*Gary: Meow meow?
*SpongeBob: I know so. Let's get that out there!
*[scene cuts to a montage of fish, seeing the "Sounds of Gary" record in store windows; fish run in to by the record; camera cuts to the three snails Nate, Carol, and Jensen]
*Nate: What are we going to do now?
*Carol: I have no idea what to do now. The band is over. The manager told us that maybe music wasn't our career, and maybe it's not. I don't know what to do now.
*Nate: We may not know what to do, but what about [points to record] that guy?
*Carol: [looks at "Sounds of Gary" record] Hey. He's making the big time while we're in the slumps! How can he do that to us?!
*Female Fish: [gasps] Look! It's Gary! [points to Nate] Oh my gosh! It's really you! [holds up record] I love your record, Mr. Gary!
*Nate: What? [gets idea] I mean...yeah...I am Gary. The one and only musician.
*Female Fish: Oh, it is go great to meet you in person, Mr. Gary.
*Nate: I bet it is, miss, as all of the other fish say.
*Female Fish: [yelling to the public] Everyone! Get over here! It's Gary and...some other snails! [a large crowd of fish surround the snails]
*Carol: What are you doing, Nate?
*Nate: Shh. You are to address me now as Gary. [whispers] Why shouldn't we have fame and fortune? At least we're band. [waves to fans]
*Carol: [shrugs shoulders] Eh. I guess. [waves as well]
*[scene cuts to the team, slugging to Mitchell's office]
*Mitchell: What are you guys doing here? You're not getting your careers back.
*Nate: En contrare, Mitchell. I think our careers are just taking off. [places record on desk]
*Mitchell: What's this? [picks up record] Gary? Producing a record? Looks like he's getting famous, huh?
*Nate: Well, in a sense. [whispers to Mitchell]
*Mitchell: What?! You can't do that. It's illegal!
*Nate: The legal system is for those who want to follow it. [holds out hand] So what do you say? Become famous off of him or be stuck in a runt with us? [retracts hand]
*Mitchell: [sighs] There's only one thing to do.
*[scene cuts to a large arena, where a large poster that reads "Gary" is hanging, displaying the three snails below; the camera cuts to backstage, where the three snails are]
*Nate: Are you ready to go onstage again?
*Carol: Sort of. I still have a feeling of guilt taking Gary's fame and fortune like that. Do you think that he'll realize we did that?
*Gary: [offscreen] Meow meow meow!
*Carol: [gasps] What are you doing here?
*Gary: Meow meow meow.
*Nate: Well, you're too late. We've already stolen your career. So get used to it. [snails slug away from scene]
*Gary: [growls; gets idea] Meeow.
*[scene cuts to a montage of Gary, sabotaging the performance; Gary places a poster of Mitchell in a clown suit behind the curtains; spray paints "GARY" on the wall with a large X over it]
*Gary: Meow meow meow? Mo-meow meow. [subtitles read: Aren't I insulting myself by doing this? Ah, who cares?]
*[montage continues where Gary makes the sound system play soft music instead of the music the band is playing; the montage ends with Gary, hijacking the lighting system so that it will display a sign that says "Boo!"]
*Gary: [adoring work] Meow.
*[scene cuts to performance hour; Nate, Carol, and Jensen are behind the curtains, readying their instruments]
*Nate: Forget about that Gary, you guys. He had his chance. It's time for us to shine now.
*Carol: [sighs] If you say so.
*Announcer: Welcome to the Stadium of Performing Arts, male and female fish. Now put your fins together for..."Gary"! [crowd applauds]
*Nate: Here we go. [speaks into microphone; still behind curtains] Thank you for coming out here tonight! [crowd cheers] I'm being paid to say this. This song was created by "Gary".
*Gary: Meow? [gasps] Uh oh. [curtain raises, revealing the poster of the manager] Meow! [audience laughs hysterically]
*Mitchell: Why I never!
*Gary: [hops in front of poster] Meow. [begins spraying snail goo onto the poster, covering it up; hops to top of poster; takes off poster bearings, allowing it to fall down]
*Mitchell: That's not me! That is not me!
*Male Fish: [offscreen] Are you blind?! Yes it's you!
*Gary: [sound system begins playing soft music] Meow! [attempts to spray snail goo on speakers; goo lands on audience member]
*Male Fish 2: Hey! I paid thirty dollars for this suit!
*Gary: Eek. [sprays snail goo onto speaker, stopping the music; sees "off" button] Meow.
*[scene cuts to Gary, spray painting over the "Gary X" sign]
*Gary: [shakes can] Meow. [throws can and gets another; begins spraying]
*Security Guard: [runs up to Gary] Hey! You!
*Gary: Meow! [throws can down and begins running off the stage; being chased by security guards]
*Nate: Uh, is this part of the show? [Jensen and Carol shrug their shoulders]
*Gary: [sees lighting system approaching] Meow. [stops running and slips under guards, allowing them to crash into the lighting system, destroying it]
*Carol: Call me crazy, but I think Gary tried to sabotage our show but changed his mind.
*Gary: Meow. [runs to stage with clarinet; begins playing clarinet]
*Nate: Oh well. [the rest of the band joins into the playing]
*[crowd cheers when band finishes; throws coral at the stage]
*Nate: [coral his eye stalk] Ow! Why are they throwing coral?
*Gary: Meow meow.
*Nate: The newest craze? Crazes are painful.
*Carol: Well, it looks like we're a quintet again. [sees Mitchell coming] Hey look! It's Mitchell coming to tell us when our next performance is!
*Mitchell: Not exactly. You're fired! [takes away instruments] That poster was so insulting! It was worse than the one at the concert of '86!
*Nate: Hey! That's my instrument!
*Mitchell: Not any more! I'm giving them to more deserving snails! [hands instruments to another group of snails]
*Snail 4: [looks at snail goo on clarinet] Yeah, it's not working out. [hands back clarinet]
*Jensen: Eh. We would have been better as a one-hit-wonder.
*[episode ends]
Category:Absorbent Days
Category:Absorbent Days Episodes
Category:Absorbent Days Episodes: Season Two
Category:Episodes