Caught in a Dysfunctional Romance

The tenth chapter of Total Drama: Tiki Jungle, posted on March 25, 2011.
==Story==
"Last time on Total Drama: Tiki Jungle..." begins Chris, "The remaining nine campers had a little sleepover deep in the Tiki Island woods. The Terrible Tikis had a little run in with some dire wolves, and on the Over Nine Thousand team, a few were mad about Octavia's recent elimination. Although, funny thing is, Trey didn't seem to care! Messed-up kid. Oh yeah, and Meg was eliminated. Find out what'll happen today for out merged contestants right here on Total Drama: Tiki Jungle!"
"So, I guess this is the last time we'll all be together." says Chrissy.
"Thank god." says Helga.
Chrissy flashes Helga an evil stare.
"I looooved this team. So many babes on it, man." says Arthur.
Chrissy rolls her eyes.
"Well, me, Art, and ol' Trey are all gonna share a cabin." says Gary.
"We'll be like bro-migos!" says Arthur.
Arthur and Gary put their arms around Trey.
"Use some deodorant, please." says Trey.
"Nah, I'm good." says Arthur.
Meanwhile, the Tikis are cheering.
"Finally, no more failure of a team." says Julia.
"I don' know if we was able t' call ourselves a team no more, dawg." says Devin.
"Yes. That is correct." says Nic.
"Whatcha readin'?" asks Julia.
"How To Learn Spanish In 20 Minutes." says Nic.
Julia slaps her forehead.
Chris walks into the cabin.
"All right, everyone out of this cabin." says Chris.
"Why?" asks Julia.
"You'll see." says Chris.
The remaining eight contestants walk out of the cabins. Chef drives a crane with a wrecking ball over to the cabins, then demolishes them.
"WHY?" screams Arthur.
"We want the new cabins to look exactly the same, to be fair." says Chris.
Chris leads the contestants over to another clearing, with two moderately nice-looking cabins.
"The left one is for boys, the right one is for girls. The person who wins each challenge will get to spend the night in a golden room, reminiscent of the winners cabin for past challenges. They can also choose one person to spend the night in the room with them, but only if they want." says Chris.
"Mine." says Arthur.
"Now go move your stuff into the new cabins!" says Chris.
Nic struts into the boys cabin.
"Hola, Arturo y amigos." says Nic.
"Oh, lord." says Arthur.
"Huh?" asks Nic.
"I do not like being called Arturo. That is the name of my drunken uncle." says Arthur.
"Does he have loose peanuts?" asks Gary.
"Yep. Kinda runs in the family." says Arthur.
"Yo, yo, homes! Dis gangsta is in th' house!" screams Devin, who swaggers into the cabin. "Lemme take dis bed, dawgs."
"Um, that's Trey's bed." says Gary.
"So?" asks Devin. He plops his stuff onto the bed.
Trey walks out of the bathroom.
"Hey, that's my bunk." says Trey.
"What'cha gon' do 'bout it, foo'?" asks Devin.
Trey groans.
Trey says in the confessional, "Ugh, I've had it with the Four Stooges. Morbid obesity, pretending to be villainous, over nine thousand, and sagging? UGH!"
"Anyways, who do ya think is the mystery voter?" asks Devin.
"I don't know, or care." says Gary.
"Yeah, I think it is Helga. She has something against all of us." says Trey.
Nic scoffs.
"I wish I were the mystery voter. That guy is wily." says Nic.
"How do we know you aren't?" asks Trey.
"Dude, just look at Nic." says Arthur.
Nic is rubbing lint out of his belly button.
"Yeah, it's not him." says Gary.
Meanwhile, Julia enters the girls cabin.
"Hey, sisters." says Julia.
'Yo." says Chrissy.
Helga is reading out of the dictionary.
"Really?" asks Chrissy skeptically.
"Yeah, I didn't pack enough books, evidently." says Helga.
"Whatevs," says Julia. "So, what sick challenge do you think Chris is gonna pull on us today?"
"Marriage!" says Chris, who bursts into the cabin.
"What now?" asks Chrissy.
"Remember Niagara Brawls?" asks Chris.
"I wish I didn't." says Helga.
"Head to the dock." says Chris.
Chris meets the campers at the dock.
"Today's challenge is three parts. First, you must pick a bride out of a hat, then, you must travel with them up the volcano, and lastly, you must find the treasure. First team to find the gold chains wins invincibility. Yeah, both of them." says Chris.
'Wait a sec, what do you mean by 'pick a bride out of a hat'?" asks Chrissy.
Chef comes in with an enormous hat, and the crane he used to destroy the cabins, now with the wrecking ball detached.
"Climb into the hat, ladies." says Chef.
"Wait, there's five boys and only three girls." says Trey.
"Devin, you too." says Chris.
Devin grumbles something.
The girls and Devin get into dresses, and jump into the hat.
"Trey, you can pick first." says Chris.
Trey walks into the cockpit of the crane, and directs the handle until he picks Devin up.
"Aw, man, Chris, can I change?" asks Trey.
"Nope." says Chris happily.
"Aw, noodles, dawg." says Devin.
"Think of this like a bromance." says Trey, and the two head up the volcano.
"Gary, you're next." says Chris.
Gary picks Helga from the hat.
"Something tells me this'll go horribly wrong." says Gary,
Helga rolls her eyes.
"Wait, what did you mean by find the treasure in the volcano? Isn't that, like, dangerous?" asks Gary.
"Ol' Bessie must be appeased." says Chris.
Gary and Helga stomp away.
"Arthur, you're next." says Chris.
Julia crawls out of the hat.
"You know, I know he's gonna pick me, so we might as well just go." says Julia.
"Exactly, see ya." says Chris.
"Then, that means, Nic, you get Chrissy." says Chris.
"Darn." says Chrissy.
"YE-E-E-P!" screams Nic.
Nic holds tightly onto Chrissy.
"Five, four, three, two..." begins Chrissy.
Nic lets go of Chrissy.
"All right, begin!" says Chris.
Arthur and Julia are walking up the volcano.
"Ya know, we could be th' final two." says Julia.
"Whateveeeer..." says Arthur.
"I still hate you, though." says Julia.
"Will you carry me?" asks Arthur.
Julia begins to walk a little faster.
"Please?" asks Arthur.
"Fine, we'll take shifts." says Julia. "When five minutes it up, you have to carry me." says Julia.
Julia picks up Arthur, and struggles thanks to his weight.
"I'm morbidly obeeeese!" shouts Arthur.
"I know!" says Julia.
Meanwhile, Nic and Chrissy get to a river of lava with small stones for paths.
"Hee hee hee." Nic is looking at Chrissy's chest.
"Be quiet, puny." says Chrissy.
"How are we supposed to cross?" asks Nic.
"I don't want to do this, but I have to." says Chrissy.
Chrissy picks up Nic.
Nic rubs against Chrissy.
"I will drop you, you know." says Chrissy.
Nic stops.
"So, do you think I am evil? Do you like Abby?" asks Nic.
"No." says Chrissy.
"Schmrt." says Nic sadly.
Chrissy walks slowly across the stepping stones.
One of the stones begins to wobble.
"Uh-oh." says Nic.
Arthur and Julia get to the stones.
"Throw me." says Julia.
"A'ight." says Arthur.
Arthur throws Julia to the other side. She lands face-first in dirt, but is not burned.
"Now, you come." says Julia.
Arthur steps on the wobbly stones, and begins to wet his pants.
"BE A FRIGGIN' MAN!" screams Julia.
"I am not a man, I am a boy. I do not have hair in some places ye--" begins Arthur.
"EEEEUCK!" screams Julia. She runs away.
Meanwhile, Gary and Helga are trying to cross a rope bridge.
"Are those sharks?" asks Gary.
"Yeah, and you're the bait." says Helga.
Gary looks timid.
"Just kiddin'." says Helga.
"You better be." says Gary.
"So, do ya still like Meg?" asks Helga.
"So, do ya still like books?" asks Gary.
"Yes." says Helga.
"Yup." says Gary.
"Hey, there's Devin and Trey." says Helga.
Helga throws a rock at Devin, who loses balance.
"Oh, no, dawg, I's slippin'!" says Devin.
Trey picks him up. "There, there." he says.
Julia and Arthur near the prize.
"There it is! Now you go get it." says Julia.
Arthur gets the prize. While he is bending over, he splits his pants.
"Oopsy." says Arthur. He turns red, then picks up the prize.
"Good job." says Julia.
"I've heard that a lot." says Arthur.
Chris comes up to them. "You just won, guys! Do you want to share the fancy room?" asks Chris.
"No." say Arthur and Julia simultaneously.
The boys are chilling in their cabin.
"Wearin' dat dress traumatized me, yo." says Devin.
"It's okay." says Gary.
"I's gonna go use th' facilities, yo." says Devin.
Devin walks into the confessional. He hears someone coming, so he hides beneath the sink to eavesdrop.
Trey walks into the confessional, and says, "I think this is a pretty good time to reveal this, since nobody can hear. Yes, I was the mystery voter. Firstly, I never liked Octavia at all. It was all an act. I mean, who could like that dumb potato? I eliminated her just so she would stay away from me. Thanks to some of the more simple-minded members of our team, and the easiness of rigging, switching the direction of the votes was easy. Next, I realized that everyone liked Gary. He was powerful, so I targeted Meg. I knew Gary would be heartbroken, and that's exactly what I needed. Now, I know what you're probably thinking. Why would the cool guy be the mystery voter? I was evil the whole time. I don't know how to surf, and this is all fake tan. Heck, I don't even live in California! I'm from Maine. But, I thought that having a cool persona would make me more popular, and less suspected to be the evil one. Well, whatever. I've got this game in the bag."
Trey walks out of the confessional.
Devin comes out from under the sink. "Oh, my, lawd." he says, white as a sheet. "Now, I's jus' gon' pretend that didn't happen, and I's gon' use th' facilities."
Once Devin is done, he walks out of the confessional.
"Wait, why were you in there?" asks Trey angrily.
"I was peein'." says Devin.
Trey groans angrily.
Chris is at the elimination ceremony.
"Arthur and Julia win invincibility, so they get the first two marshmallows." says Chris.
Arthur and Julia get their prizes.
"And, Trey." says Chris.
Trey laughs evilly. Everyone stares, and he says, "Whoops, just a minor cough."
"Chrissy and Gary are safe, too." says Chris.
Gary and Chrissy get their marshmallows.
"Nic." says Chris.
Nic dances up to Chris, and gets his marshmallow.
"Ladies and boys, the final marshmallow goes to..."
"Helga." says Chris.
"Who voted fo' me, dawgs?" asks Devin sadly.
"Who knows?" asks Trey.
"Ya scum-sack, dude! You's such an idiot, foo'! An' I thought I trusted ya, wit' th' weddin' challenge, yo. Everyone, Trey here be--" begins Devin.
Trey "accidentally" pushes Devin onto the Raft of Losers.
"Oops." says Trey.
"Bye, Devin!" says Gary.
Everyone waves goodbye to Devin.
"Trey ain't wha' he seems, dawgs! Gary, you's gon' win! I's gotta support a Brotha, dawg!" says Devin as he slowly drifts away into the sunset.
"Whoooo-hoo-hoo." says Chris. "Who will be the next target of our villain? Find out next time on Total... Drama... Tiki Jungle!"