Funishment/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "Funishment".
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(The book opens up to tell the differences between Trolls and Bergens.)
Poppy: Trolls and Bergens have very different ways of doing things.
Troll #1: Gardening, gardening!
Poppy: Trolls spend their day spreading beauty and joy wherever they go. Bergens do not. And while Trolls absolutely love to hug, Bergens… are more the shoving types. And yes, variety is the spice of life. But when two groups are just learning to be friends, dealing with their different ways of doing things can be… pure torture. (The camera shifts to Bergen Town where King Gristle Jr. is hosting a ceremony.)
King Gristle Jr.: (Through the microphone) And so, in honor of the Trolls’ first visit back to Bergen Town, let’s all give them our warmest Bergen greeting. (The Bergens do nothing.) That’s the spirit! Anyway, as my father-
Poppy: What a proud moment, don’t you think, Branch? (He does not answer her.) Branch, what are you doing?
Branch: (Writing things on a piece of paper) Making an escape plan in case they decide to eat us. (He reveals a picture of his escape plan.) How many Bergens do you think you can take?
Poppy: What a proud moment, don’t you think, Cooper? (He doesn’t answer her because he is gone.) Wait, where’s Cooper?
Groth: (offscreen) Thief! (The Trolls and Bergens watch in shock as Cooper eats one of Groth’s pies.)
Cooper: Mm, mm! Meat pie. (With a full stomach, he lies down in the pan.) Sounds so weird, but it really works. Wait, what now?
Groth: That Troll stole my pie! (Cooper shrieks as he tries to pounce on him. The crowd gasps.)
Poppy: Whoa, whoa. (Cooper runs back onto the stage.) I’m sure this is a misunderstanding. Cooper didn’t steal your pie. Did you, Cooper?
Cooper: No way. I shared it. I shared it all in one bite.
Groth: (Pointing at Cooper) Aha! The thief admits it! (The Bergens gasp and walk closer to the stage.)
Poppy: No, wait. (chuckles) I get what happened here. See, Trolls share everything. For us, there’s almost no such thing as stealing.
Groth: No stealing? Preposterous! What do you call it when I do this? (He takes Cooper's hat.) Huh? Hm? Huh?
Cooper: Yay! I love sharing hats. (Satin and Chenille make him a new hat.) Yay! New hat!
Groth: Enough! We demand this crime be punished. (The Bergens start shouting.)
Bergen #1: Groth’s right.
Bergen #2: Yeah, get ‘em!
King Gristle Jr.: Oh, no! Hold on, hold on, hold on. (He puts his hands on the Trolls to protect them.) Everyone, please. Poppy is an excellent leader, and I’m sure that she’ll punish that Troll in a way that satisfies everyone. Right, Poppy?
Poppy: Uh… yeah! Yeah! I’ll take care of that… pronto.
Groth: You better. Or I swear, in the name of our great King Gristle, the peace between Bergens and Trolls are over. Hooray for King Gristle!
King Gristle Jr.: Hooray for me! (Groth growls at Poppy and the Bergens walk away.) Whew, close one. So, what do you say, I’ll just bring Groth by Troll Village to see the punishment?
Poppy: Um… psh, yeah, sure, sure. Just one small thing. I have no idea how to punish someone.
King Gristle Jr.: Don’t worry, Poppy. I think all you need is a tour… of my dungeon. (At the castle, he leads Poppy and Branch to the dungeon.) Now, I think it’s down here.
Poppy: (sighs) Thanks for showing me the ropes, Gristle. It’s just, no-one’s ever needed to punish a Troll before.
King Gristle Jr.: No sweat. This’ll be good for me, too. I’ve always meant to come down here, but I’m too busy, you know, with… with matters of the crown. (He thinks of himself using a ping-pong and hitting himself with the ball.) Anyway, should be fun. From what I hear, the dungeon’s the coolest.
Branch: Uh, wrong. No-one keeps super-cool stuff in their creepy, windowless basement. Poppy, let’s just go tell the Bergens we’re not gonna do the punishment. This isn’t us.
Poppy: Ugh. Of course not, Branch. Not with that attitude. But maybe with a little optimism, we might find this dungeon thing isn’t all that… (Chad opens the door to the dungeon. It reveals Nangus doing the punishments.) Bad.
Nangus: Welcome to your worst nightmare, scum!  This is your home for the rest of your- (The door slams shut and he turns around.) Guests? (He walks over to King Gristle Jr.) King Gristle? Well, aren’t you just a doll to visit us down here?
King Gristle Jr.: Hey, Mr. Skullcrusher.
Nangus: Hey, hey, hey, Mr. Skullcrusher was my father. You call me Nangus, you hear? Oh, my, and where did you get theses two? The cute factory? Well, what can old Nangus do for ya?
Poppy: Well, one of my people stole something and I’ve… got to figure out how to punish him.
Nangus: Well, we have some excellent options here. Let’s give you the grand tour. (Branch, Poppy, and King Gristle Jr. follow him through the dungeon.) Uh, anyone want coffee, spa water or anything? No? Okay then. Now, if you ask me, the best punishment for stealing is jail. (He turns to a Bergen in a cell and yells.) Tell the king what you did, vermin.
Bergen #3: I stole bread to feed my family, so they threw me in here.
Poppy: Ugh. That’s awful. But at least you helped the people you love, right?
Bergen #3: Well, actually, eating stolen bread is a crime, too so they’re down here with me. (He shows his family in his cell.)
Poppy and Branch: Ugh.
Bergen #3: And the cat ate some.
Poppy and Branch: Ugh!
Nangus: OK, so jail’s not your cup of tea. What about torturing the Troll thief. You know, your basic torment. (He shows a Bergen riding on a bike while a wheel of hands is hitting his bottom like he is getting spanked.)
Bergen #4: I won’t litter! I won’t litter! I won’t litter! I won’t litter! (Poppy and Branch gasp.)
Nangus: Your run-of-the-mill scourge… (A Bergen is scratching on a board loudly and making another Bergen tied to chair scream.)
Bergen #4: I swear, I’ll never vandalize again.
King Gristle Jr.: Whoa. It’s so… mean.
Nangus: Oh, well, thank you. We try. (Another Bergen is screaming because he is getting his teeth drilled.)
Branch: That’s the worst one yet.
Nangus: Oh, no, that’s just the dentist. She rents some space from us.
Bergen #5: (Turning her drill off) You haven’t been flossing! (She continues to drill the Bergen’s teeth.)
King Gristle Jr.: I don’t like it here. Poppy, let’s call off this punishment thing. I can’t think of a single reason you should do it.
Poppy: Really, Gristle? So you’ll stand up to Groth and all the Bergens who are making me do this? (King Gristle Jr. imagines the Bergens destroying the statue of himself.)
King Gristle Jr.: Oh, right, them. Yeah, no. They terrify me. Well, good luck with that. I’m gonna pass out now. (Just before he faints, Poppy and Branch jump off his shoulder and onto a desk.)
Poppy: What am I gonna do, Branch? I can’t use any of these Bergen punishments on a Troll.
Nangus: Ah, well of course not, sweetie. These are mine. You got to look into your heart and find the punishment that fits you. (Screams are heard and he uses a whip.) Hush up, maggots! Your mamas aren’t here to protect you now.
Branch: That guy is psyco. (Nangus using his whip and yelling can be heard.) But he’s dazzling with that whip, am I right.
Poppy: A punishment that fits me? Hmm. (In Troll Village, she talks to her friends.) Trolls, King Gristle is bringing Groth by in 15 minutes to see Coopers punishment.
Cooper: Uh-oh, sure wouldn’t want to be that Cooper guy right now.
Poppy: Cooper, I herby sentence you to three days in the dungeon. (The Trolls start to whimper as she shows them the dungeon she built.)
Cooper: Wait. I am Cooper. (He poops cupcakes. Poppy opens the door to the dungeon and points her finger. Sadly, Cooper walks toward it.)
Biggie: Oh, no. What is Poppy doing?
Guy Diamond: Where did that building even come from? (Cooper goes inside the dungeon and the door closes.)
Branch: Poppy, I can’t believe it. I never thought you’d make it this far.
Poppy: Well, I don’t like it any more than you do, Branch, but I’ve learned that sometimes a leader has to make really tough decisions. (Cooper can be heard screaming. The Trolls look in the windows and gasp.)
Branch: Wait. (Cooper giggles as he jumps on a flower trampoline.)
Cooper: Whoo! Whoo! (He goes down a huge slide and lands in a pool of rainbow-colored balls.) Whoo! (A camera takes a picture of him with his face through a circle with a muscular man. Then he rides on a bike that has a wheel that gives him high-fives.) Yeah, all right. Keep ‘em coming. Yeah!
Branch: Uh, Poppy? These aren’t punishments.
Poppy: What? Sure they are.
Cooper: (Jumping on mushrooms that glow with spotlights) I’ve been a bad Troll. I’m so naughty.
Branch: No, these are funishments.
Poppy: Well, I can’t just lock Cooper up with nothing fun to do, can I? What kind of jail would that be?
Branch: Poppy, that’s the definition of jail.
DJ Suki: Can we get funished, too? (Smidge, Guy Diamond, and Biggie show up behind her.)
Poppy: In there? No, guys, it’s only for Trolls who commit crimes.
Biggie: Right. And what’s “crimes” again?
Branch: Uh… you know, crimes. Littering, vandalism, disturbing the peace.
All: Got it!
Guy Diamond: Let’s do it! (The Trolls go to do crimes.)
Biggie: (Holding up a cupcake behind mushrooms) Is this criming, Poppy? (He takes the wrapper off the cupcake and lets it float onto the ground.)
Poppy: Well, yeah, but-
Biggie: Woo-hoo! I need to be funished! (Harper sprays red, yellow, and purple paint on the dungeon. Guy Diamond puts more on.)
Guy Diamond: We’re doing crimes, too, Poppy. (He and Harper run into the dungeon.)
DJ Suki: Which of you crimers is ready to disturb the peace up in here? (The Trolls are doing more crimes.)
Guy Diamond: (Swinging on a pod with Smidge throwing orange flowers) Woo-hoo! Yeah! (Satin and Chenille go to the dungeon.)
Poppy: No! No, no, no, no! Punishment is supposed to stop crime, not cause it. (Groth appears and she shrieks.) Groth!
Groth: So this is how you Trolls maintain justice? (He points to a red female Glitter Troll painting a sentence on his ankle.)
Glitter Troll #1: (giggles) Time to get funished!
King Gristle Jr.: Now, hold on, Groth. There’s got to be an explanation. (He takes off the roof o the dungeon.)
Cooper: (Jumping on the mushrooms with Fuzzbert, Satin and Chenille) We’re being punished!
King Gristle Jr.: Okay, yeah, I can’t explain that.
Groth: So what do you say for yourself?
Poppy: Say for myself? I’ve done nothing but jump through hoops for you, and you’re still not happy with us.
Branch: Exactly.
Poppy: Well, then I guess I say… deal with it!
Groth: Well, it’s about ti- W-what?
Branch: Yeah. You heard her.
Poppy: Now, if you’ll excuse me, my people are committing crimes, and I need to deal with it… the Troll way.
Groth: The Troll way?! (Poppy goes inside the dungeon and cracks her hair on the door.)
Poppy: Listen up, maggots! (The Trolls stop playing.) Your behavior has been unacceptable, and it’s time to make things right. (She leads the Trolls out of the dungeon. Biggie puts the garbage in the trash can, Harper and Guy Diamond clean the dungeon walls, and Poppy stops DJ Suki from making loud noise.)
DJ Suki: Oh, yeah. Let’s get responsible up in here!
Guy Diamond: (Carrying leaves) All right! Yeah!
King Gristle Jr.: Whoa.
Poppy: Bergens, come with me. (She jumps onto a tree with Branch.)
Groth: What on Earth are you doing?
Poppy: Something I should have told Cooper to do right away. (Cooper comes out with a pan covered in a cloth.) Cooper. (He uncovers the pan, revealing a pie.)
Cooper: Ta-da! It’s a pie!
Poppy: See? You shared with him, so he’s sharing back.
Branch: That’s the Troll way. (Groth grumbles, takes the pie and takes a bite.)
Groth: Huh? Wow, strawberry pie? (chuckles) Sounds so weird, but… it really works.
Cooper: Wow! Your mouth is huge!
Groth: Uh… (clears his throat) Uh, yeah. For reasons totally unrelated to the quality of this dessert… (clears his throat again.) I’ve decided to have mercy on the thief Troll. Here you go. You can have this back. (He gives back Coopers hat.)
Cooper: Wait, two? (He eats it.) I love eating hats!
Poppy: Now, let’s have some fun…ishment! (In the dungeon, Guy Diamond throws a ball at bottles, a Troll goes down the slide and into the ball pool, and DJ Suki sprays water into Cooper’s mouth. King Gristle Jr. opens the roof.)
King Gristle Jr.: My, my, their way really is amazing. I herby declare that the Bergen system of justice shall be just like the Trolls forever! (The camera cuts to Bergen town where the Bergens are committing crimes.)
Bergen #6: Give me that back! I shared it fair and square! (The camera zooms toward the castle.)
King Gristle Jr.: Well, sharing is definitely not a Bergen thing. Todd, Chad, get things back to normal, yeah? (He leaves the deck while Chad and Todd sigh.)
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