Lola Wants to Be a Star/transcript

== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: April 16, 2022
Episode Copyrighted: 2022
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
The episode opens with a shot of Mr. Krabs' house.
Rita Loud: Lola, what is taking so long?
Lola Loud: *runs around in her room, packing stuff into a suitcase*
Lola Loud: Oh, I can't decide! Which tutu? Orange, or green? Okay, both! *puts the tutus in the suitcase, then runs and picks up swords* Swallowing swords! *runs again, but this time to our room* I can't find my tiara! Better bring these instead! *throws out instruments* Now, where did I put my possessed ventriloquist dummy?
A dummy comes running up.
Lola Loud: Oh, no, you don't! *jumps and crushes it*
Ventriloquist Dummy: No, I don't want to-
Lola Loud: *puts the dummy in my suitcase*
Lola Loud: Is that a sword? Ow! *shuts my suitcase*
Rita Loud: *knocks on door* Lola, let's go!
Mr. Krabs: Lola, I'm already late for me game day with GrandPat! And me loot sack is getting hungry! *tickles an empty brown bag* I'm gonna feed you all me winnings! Oh, hee-hee-hee-hee!
The bag barks and pants happily.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, hee-hee-hee-hee!
Lola Loud: *opens the door, knocking Krabs over*
Mr. Krabs: Ouch!
Lola Loud: *runs to the stairs and calls back to Rita*
Rita Loud: Lola, let's go! You're late for your big debut!
Lola Loud: I'm coming, Mommy!
Mr. Krabs: *groans and slinks away*
Slide transition cuts to the outside of Patrick and Leni's house. An audience cheers as energetic music plays. Patrick is on stage, dressed in a safari outfit and whipping a robot. Lola and Lana are at the front door.
Lola Loud: Oh, no! They started without me!
Lana Loud: *rings the doorbell*
GrandPat Star: *answers* About time you showed up, Lana. You know why the navy is always late? They gotta wait for the tides to wash them ashore!
Lana Loud: Ashore?
Mr. Krabs: *groans* You marines are a department of the navy, you know!
GrandPat Star: Yeah, the men's department! *laughs*
Krabs is frustrated.
Lana Loud: Hey, no fair! I want to see the stage!
Lola Loud: *gets impatient* Excuse me, your wall of lame is in my way.
Pearl Krabs: Yay! *claps my hands*
She runs through them. In the house, Squidina is activating a board full of levers, buttons, and dials.
Squidina Star: Bring up camera three, and start the music cue in three, two, one. *notices Lola and gasps happily, throwing off her headset*
They run up to each other, giggling, jumping, and holding hands.
Lola Loud: Squidina, thanks so much for inviting me to be on Patrick and Leni's show. I'm so excited!
Squidina Star: Of course. I hope you're ready. *pulls curtains* As soon as he's done with his bit you're on. *runs off, giggling*
Patrick and Leni are on stage, wearing a blue baby bonnet and a diaper.]
Patrick Star: Baby wants his baba! *cries*
Leni Loud: Aw, don't cry, Patrick! Look!
Angus Shackleton: *pats Lola's hair* That's my girl!
Parker the Raincloud: You said it, Angus!
Squidina Star: *cranks a lever that releases a giant baby bottle from a rubber band*
Patrick Star: *catches it in my mouth, drinks all the milk, burps and laughs*
The audience cheers.
Lola Loud: *closes the curtains* Today I'm going to be a star!
Leni Loud: *walks offstage* Thank you!
Squidina Star: Okay, Lola. You've got 30 seconds to fill while Patrick changes his costume.
Patrick is grunting and trying to put a pair of jeans over his head.
Squidina Star: Okay, maybe 45 seconds. *pushes Lola on-stage* Ladies and gentlemen, making her big "Patrick and Leni Show" debut, it's Lola! *runs off*
Lola Loud: *stares at the audience*
They stare back at her.
Lola Loud: *gulps, opens my suitcase and takes out some juggling balls*
She juggles, and the audience remains unimpressed.
Lola Loud: *adds even more balls*
The audience is still bored: some members take phone calls while another yawns.
Lola Loud: *reaches for another ball, but grabs Ouchie and Frankie by mistake* Ow! *juggles Ouchie and Frankie* Ow! Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ahhh! Spider! *messes up*
The balls hit her on the head. She falls off-stage and screams. The audience is confused. A chef hat slides on-stage.
Patrick Star and Leni Loud: *pops up from under it*
Patrick Star: Bonjour!
The audience cheers for Patrick and Leni.
Meanwhile, Lola cries in the back room.
Squidward Tentacles: *bails my tears through the window*
Lola Loud: Squidina, I don't think they liked me. I'm afraid of spiders.
Squidina Star: That was pretty terrible. Don't worry. When Patrick and Leni are done you'll have another chance to fail, I mean, bail. I mean, wow them.
Lola Loud: *cries harder* You don't understand, Squidina. I'm scared of Frankie and she bit me. *keeps crying*
Squidina Star: *collects my tears in a bucket*
Meanwhile...
Mr. Krabs: GrandPat, I want to meet you, Mr. Loud.
GrandPat Star: *gasps* Loud siblings’ dad?! No no no!
Slide transition cuts to GrandPat and Lynn Sr. playing cards.
Lynn Loud Sr.: Hmm. You got any swabbies?
GrandPat Star: Get sunk!
Lynn Loud Sr.: *groans and draws a card*
GrandPat Star: You know, back in the service, I didn't have time for silly games.
A thought bubble shows a grayscale war scene of fish hiding in a trench.
GrandPat Star: Why, once I took out a whole nest of enemy soldiers all on my own.
A younger GrandPat jumps into the trench, rips off his shirt, and spins around to punch the enemies. He stands atop the soldiers as fireworks blare.
Lynn Loud Sr.: *tears through the thought bubble* Nest of soldiers? More like a nest of urchins, I'll bet!
He leaves the flashback, and the soldiers GrandPat is standing on turn into urchins. He falls on them and yells in pain.
Lynn Loud Sr.: Besides, that ain't nothing compared to the time I took out three battleships single-clawed-edly!
Lynn Sr.'s thought bubble shows three ships with angry faces painted on them. Lynn Sr's. ship is a smiling whale. He fires a cannon on board, then jumps into the barrel. It launches him on a piece of artillery, as he hollers and waves his cap in the air. The bullet pierces the three ships, sinking them, and lands in the ocean.
Lynn Loud Sr.: *surfaces in the water and cheers* Navy!
GrandPat Star: *breaks through the fantasy, changing the scene to static with a TV remote.
Lynn Sr. is sitting in a small bathtub.
Lynn Loud Sr.: Hogwash! The only ships you ever sank were your baby bath toys.
The ships sink into the water. The bubble dissolves.
GrandPat Star: You got any yeomen?
Lynn Loud Sr.: Get sunk!
GrandPat Star: *lays cards down* Heh-heh. Three bosuns and a skipper! That's a full poop deck, Loud!
Lynn Loud Sr.: Oh, sorry, old man. *lays cards down* Five admirals! I win! *laughs and takes all the raised goods in my bag*
GrandPat Star: That's not fair. I ain't finished with you yet, you whippersnapper! We're playing another game! Double or nothing!
Back on Patrick and Leni's show, Patrick is using cooking utensils to prepare something offscreen.
Leni Loud: We fold in the egg whites, *throws away fork and grabs nutmeg* add a dash of nutmeg, *throws away nutmeg and spoon* and voilà!
The camera zooms out to show Leni standing in front of a mini-boatmobile.
Leni Loud: That's how you rotate the tires on your boat!
The audience cheers.
Leni Loud: *gets in the boat and drives around the stage*
Patrick pasts Squidina, Parker, Angus and Russell, who is standing atop the curtains. She yells down at Lola.
Squidina Star: Okay, Lola, you're up again.
Russell the Magical Walrus: *makes sounds*
Lola is struggling to rollerblade, and spins rapidly.
Lola Loud: What if it doesn't go well?
Squidina Star: We just gotta get back on that seahorse! *spins Pearl* Now break a leg! Preferably not your own.
Lola Loud: *presses a button on a boombox to play upbeat disco music.
Music notes float past.
Lola Loud: *rollerblades*
The audience is bored.
Lola Loud: Oh, no. I'm losing them again! Better kick it up a notch!
Ryan Walsh: Come on, Lola. You can do it.
The music goes faster as Lola does more stunts. She throws herself backwards, causing a stage light to go flying. It drops a sandbag that hits a floorboard, flinging her into the stage screen.
Lola Loud: *groans*
Parker the Raincloud: We see you went for the big finish!
Squidina Star, Parker the Raincloud, Angus Shackleton and Russell the Magical Walrus: *drags Lola away*
Lola Loud: NOOOOOOO!
Slappy Laszlo: Well, at least it ended tragically.
GrandPat is digging a hole in the front yard. Various holes, wickets, and random objects are scattered around.
GrandPat Star: The yard is all set up for a game of Shuffle Stuff. You do remember how to play, don't you, Loud?
Lynn Loud Sr.: Of course, I do. Anything you hit in the hole, *bumps a TV into a hole* you keep.
GrandPat Star: *takes out ball and mallet* Good. I was worried all that bobbing up and down on navy boats rattled your brains to bits.
GrandPat's ball goes through a wicket and hits a stack of teacups into a hole.
Lynn Loud Sr.: Gah. I suffered more than rough seas in the navy. *rolls up my sleeve and flexes my arm, revealing large muscles* I got this bad boy fighting off a pirate boarding party near Malta.
GrandPat Star: Oh, yeah? *pulls down my pants to reveal a bunch of sucker marks on my butt* Well, I got these charging up Octopus Hill!
Lynn Loud Sr.: Ha! Baby stuff! *pulls up his shirt to show a giant bite taken out of my body* I got this battling in the ding dang Bobbit worms in open waters. *laughs and sets down my ball*
After he swings, it bounces off another ball, then hits many items into holes in succession. GrandPat's jaw drops, and the ball roles into his mouth.
Lynn Loud Sr.: *takes my sack and laughs* Ha, I win again! Thanks for playing, GrandPat!
GrandPat: *bites to get my jaw off the floor, then approaches Lynn Sr.* Wait! That can't be it! One more game, Loud! Double or nothing!
Screen cuts to Lola crying. Her tears have almost flooded the room.
Squidina Star: *drives in Patrick's small boat*
Lola Loud: Oh, Squidina, I’m so sorry! I thought I was gonna be a star, but they won't even remember me enough to hate me!
Squidina Star: Oh, don't worry. They'll probably remember you enough for that. *throws a basketball to Patrick, who is wearing a sports outfit*
He dribbles the ball against his head, jumps around it, bounces on the ball across the stage, then bounces it off his buttocks. He spins onto his head and then jumps to dunk the basketball into the hoop, then lands in it headfirst himself. The audience cheers and takes a picture as Patrick waves and laughs, then falls through the hoop.
Squidina Star: Oh! That's your cue! I know you can do it this time, Lola! You're a star!
Lola Loud: *demotivated* All right. I guess I can humiliate myself one more time. For the show! I wonder what Pablo Sanchez’s baseball bat looks like. *swings baseball bat to hit the ball*
A glass shatter is heard.
Mayor Pevee: *offscreen* Hey!
Lola Loud: Oops. My bad. *throws a baseball bat*
A microphone rises from the center of the stage. Lola, wearing a purple coat, picks it up and sings into it. The audience is somewhat interested.
Lola Loud: *sings* I'm a pink princess, here Mto share my sad pageant tale.
The audience is confused.
Mr. Krabs: *runs past the house, carrying two full bags of stuff*
Lana Loud: *runs to Lola*
Lana Loud: Hoo-hoo-hoo, Lola! *sees Lola* Ooh! *drops a bag and goes to watch Lola*
Pearl Krabs: Yay Lola!
Lola Loud: *sings* When things go all wrong, nothing to do but sing a sad whale song.
She rips off her coat to reveal a tuxedo.
Squidina Star: *throws my a hat and cane*
She twirls her cane and dances while singing.
Lola Loud: *sings* This is a sad song, not a glad song! A feeling bad, kind of mad, not so rad song!
Audience: *dances*
Lola Loud: When things have gone wrong, I have just one song! A song for days that are so bad!
Mr. Krabs, Pearl Krabs, Rita and Lynn Loud Sr.: *dances*
Lola Loud: The worst days that you've ever had!
Lynn Loud Sr.: Woo! That's my daughter!
Mr. Krabs: Woo-hoo! Yeah!
Lola Loud: *keeps dancing*
GrandPat Star: *shows up on the roof, dragging a catapult with a grand piano in it* Take all my stuff, will you? *calls down* Hey, Loud! The next game's called Catch the Piano! Double or nothing! *pulls the rope and the piano launches into the air*
However, the rope coils around his leg.
Lola Loud: *sings* A stubbed my toe song, a fell in snow song! *pulls my pockets out* An out of dough, full of woe, eating crow song! *pulls a picture of a nose with snot coming out of it* A bloody nose song, *pulls up a muddy T-shirt* a muddy clothes song! A feel new lows, ruined shows, guess I froze song!
Ventriloquist Dummy: *jumps down and sings* Yes, she's a sad princess!
Lola Loud: *sings* I am!
Ventriloquist Dummy: *sings* Can you not tell!
Lola Loud: *sings* I can!
Ventriloquist Dummy: *floats next to Lola with a jetpack*
Ventriloquist Dummy: *sings* She just wanted to perform for you, now she feels like she might spew!
Lola Loud: *pretends to vomit* Blech!
Lola Loud and Ventriloquist Dummy: *sings* When you feel down, you got a big frown!
GrandPat is pulled into space.
Lola Loud and Ventriloquist Dummy: *sings* And you can't face anyone from your hometown!
GrandPat Star: *begins falling, then lights on fire from re-entry and screams*
Lola Loud and Ventriloquist Dummy: *sings* Yes, when you feel frail and you wanna bail! Don't hit the trail, just inhale! Pull back your veil and sing your sad blue whale song!
They finish up, laughing as confetti drops.
Lola Loud: Thank you. Thank you very much.
The audience cheers. Mr. Krabs, Pearl, Rita and Lynn Sr. are dancing.
Mr. Krabs, Pearl Krabs, Rita and Lynn Loud Sr.: Yeah! Woo-hoo-hoo! *notices something above us* Huh?
GrandPat: *screams and crashes into the front lawn*
All: *screams*
When the dust settles, there is a giant rater in front of the house.
Lola Loud: *coughs* Ohh! Talk about bombing big time!
Pearl Krabs: *cries*
Slappy, hanging from a house's chimney, claps.
Slappy Laszlo: Oh, what a catastrophic ending.
Another fish comes out of a street lamp and cheers.
Fish: Ooh! Yeah! Yeah!
Two injured fish sit on a piece of kelp.
Two fish: Lola! Lola! Lola!
The other audience members cheer for Lola. She smiles and giggles.
Rita and Lynn Loud Sr.: *comes up to her*
Rita Loud: Lola, sweetie, you were amazing! I never knew you had the pipes!
Lynn Loud Sr.: You betcha, girl!
Lola Loud: You really liked my song, Mommy, Daddy?
Lynn Loud Sr.: Every second of it. Right up until I got pulverized by the piano.
Squidina Star: *runs up*
Patrick and Angus are in a wheelchair, with the top of his head exposed and showing a bone and Leni has crutches.
Squidina Star: Congratulations, Lola! You're a star!
She gives Lola a picture of herself smiling in a star frame, and a bouquet of flowers.
Patrick Star: Yeah! You should be on tomorrow's show, too!
Leni Loud: Yay!
Parker the Raincloud: Great job, Lola!
The set collapses.
Squidina Star: Huh? Maybe we'll call you when the set's rebuilt.
GrandPat, with piano keys sticking out of his teeth, stumbles up.
Lola Loud: I can't wait!
GrandPat: One more game, Loud! Double or nothing!
He collapses backwards. The dummy jumps on him and plays the piano keys. Episode ends.
Category:Transcripts
Category:The Patrick Star & Leni Loud Show Episodes
Category:The Patrick Star & Leni Loud Show Season 1 Transcripts