Cans Without Labels!

Cans Without Labels! is the # episode of CuldeeFell Shortz! Season 2.
==Script==
SYNOPSIS - To save money, Bowser decides to buy a bunch of labeless cans for a cheap price to feed to his family. Junior and his brother Link (Pixie Goblin) are the first to be fed the cans, only to see something disgusting and utterly inedible, but it’s either they eat it or they are forced to starve for the rest of the month. What can they do?
(The short starts off at the SML House where Junior and Link are seen playing Super Smash Each Other in the Ass Bros)
Junior: I’m gonna beat you pixie goblin!
Link: We’ll see about that, Junior!
(Bowser is seen walking in holding some bags)
Bowser: Hey kids i’m home!
Junior: Hey dad!
(Junior gets distracted and Link defeats him)
Junior: NO!
Link: Hah! In your face Junior!
Junior: That wasn’t fair! Dad distracted me!
Link: You snooze, you lose.
Junior: What’s in the bags, dad?
Bowser: Oh these? Come to the kitchen and I’ll show you.
Junior: Okay! Come on, Link!
(The two run to the kitchen where they see Bowser emptying the bags revealing a bunch of cans without labels)
Peter Griffin: AH! HE SAID IT!
(Shut up)
Junior: What’s in the cans, dad?
Bowser: Glad you asked Junior, see with Chef Pee Pee gone on vacation, I’m in charge of feeding you two. And what better way to buy food than to buy something cheap being these cans. I buy 'em for 10 cents a pop.
Link: You think it’s really a good idea to buy something for a really cheap price?
Bowser: Duh. You gotta do everything you can to save a buck in this world.
Junior: Sooo how do we know what’s in the cans?
Bowser: Ah, I was thinking you would ask that. You see, when you look at a can you can recognize some features of it. Depending on what you see, and what adds up, it could be any canned good, from vegetables to chef boyardee.
Link: Ooh I love Chef Boyardee!
Bowser: Let’s have an example, starting with this can right here. Hmmm. This can has a gold lid, two rings at the beginning and end, and three in the middle. Now for the slosh test.
(Bowser shakes the can a little creating a sound of chunks sloshing around a liquid)
Bowser: Hmmm. “snaps fingers” I got it! It’s beef stew!
Link: BEEF STEW!?
Junior: We love beef stew, dad!
Bowser: That’s the spirit, Junior! Now let’s open this up! Someone give me a can opener.
(The giant hand from Spongebob comes in and gives Bowser a can opener)
Bowser: Thanks, Hans!
(Hans leaves)
Junior: How did a giant hand appear in our house?
Bowser: Hey it’s a CuldeeFell13 story, random bullshit happens every 2 seconds. Oh and before we open this can, I must warn you that we have to eat..
(A dramatic closeup appears on Bowser)
Bowser: Anything and everything… Do I make myself clear?
(The two look at each other and nod)
Bowser: Alright!
(Bowser opens up the can with the can opener and places it on the table)
Bowser: Bon Appetit!
(Junior and Link excitedly run towards the can only to look in horror and disgust on what’s in the can)
Junior: D-d-dad?
Bowser: What?
Junior: Th-there's a f-face in there.
Bowser: Lemme look.
(Bowser walks towards the can and looks in it)
Bowser: Well, I guess we’re having a face for dinner!
(Junior and Link get terrified faces and run off. They make it to the front door only for Bowser to appear and grab the two of them)
Bowser: Where do you two think you’re going?
Junior: ARE YOU INSANE!? WE’RE NOT EATING A FACE!
(Bowser takes the two back to the table as they shiver in fear)
Bowser: What’s wrong with the face? It's a pretty good face. I had it before and it’s not that bad. Do you know how many starving african children would eat this face.
Junior: Than why don’t we feed it to the African children then?
Bowser: I-
(Bowser gets impatient)
Bowser: Look, I said your gonna eat anything in this can and you two agreed.
Link: That was before we found out that it’s a f---ing face.
Bowser: Look I don’t have any time for this, it’s either you eat the face or I’m taking away your toys and video games for the rest of the month.
Junior: NOT OUR TOYS!
Bowser: So what’s it gonna be? You gonna eat the face or do I have to take away all your fun things?
(The two look at each other with a scared expression as Bowser looks at them impatient and angry. Suddenly his watch beeps and he looks at it)
Bowser: HOLY CRAP! THE CHARLEYYY AND FRIENDS SPECIAL IS ON!
(Bowser races off to the stairs)
Bowser: I’m gonna watch this TV Special till it’s over but when I get back, that face BETTER be gone.
(Bowser races off as the two look at the can in disgust)
Junior: You eat it, Link.
Link: No you eat it Junior.
Junior: “Sigh” What are we gonna do. If we don’t eat this thing than we’re gonna lose our toys and video games.
Link: I know. It’s so unfair.
Junior: True. I wish we can get someone else to eat this face for us.
Link: Wait that's it! Junior, you gave me a good idea! Wait right there.
(Link runs off. He comes back dragging Hansel the homeless man)
Junior: A homeless man! Good thinking, Link!
Hansel: Why’d you drag me here elf man?
Link: Well it’s your lucky day Mr. Homeless man! Cause we wanna invite you to dinner!
Hansel: You want me, to eat food at a dinner table with you?
Link: Uh huh!
Hansel: Oh boy! I can’t remember the last time I got a hot meal!
(Hansel sits down wearing a napkin and holding a fork and knife)
Hansel: I’m ready to eat!
(Link and Junior give Hansel the can but when he looks inside he gets a shocked expression)
Hansel: Is- is this a face?
(The two nod. Hansel gets a disappointed look and looks at the camera)
Hansel: I aint eating this.
Junior: WHAT!? WHY?!
Hansel: Look I may be a homeless man who eats out of the trash and begs on the street for food, but I draw the line at this. I’d rather starve to death than eat something as disgusting as a face in a can for Pete's sake. Good day sirs. This might be a hypocritical move on Hansel considering he presumably ate Jason's heart in Friday the 13th: Part III
(Hansel leaves)
Junior: Not even the homeless man will eat it.
Link: Well what are we gonna do now?
Junior: Well we still have half an hour before dad comes back from his TV Special. We should use this time to figure out how to get rid of this face.
Link: Good idea.
Junior: I feel a montage coming on!
(The montage begins with Junior and Link going on craigslist searching for “Delicious Face” only to see no results much to their dismay. The two are then seen on the street holding a sign that says free face only for cars to pass by. Junior than points offscreen and the two race off as a police car is seen chasing them. They are seen at a prison trying to feed prisoners the face only for them to run off. They are seen at Cecil Turtles house with link holding a gun to Cecil’s head. Junior tries to force Cecil to eat the face but Cecil grabs Link’s gun and shoots himself with it killing himself. Back at the SML House, Junior is looking upset with bags under his eyes trying to figure out how to get rid of the face. Link comes running up to tell Junior something and the two race to the computer to find a PNN article reading “The Food Pantry gets complaints of human body parts.” Junior and Link look at eachother and nod. They get in Junior’s Thomas car and they drive off. The montage ends when they appear outside a large brick warehouse)
Junior: Well this is it. We’ll give this to the pantry and then we’ll leave.
Link: Agreed.
(The two walk into the warehouse and see a man with his chair facing the two)
Food Pantry Manager: Can I help you two?
Link: We’d like to file a complaint about a face from one of your cans in the pantry.
Food Pantry Manager: Oh. Is this what it’s always about from the customers? The faces?
Junior: If it bothers you so much, than why not just stop doing what your doing?
Food Pantry Manager: Complaints. Hmm. Complains can be irritating, but it can not cease effect on what we do around here.
(The two get shocked expressions)
Junior: What do you mean?
Foot Pantry Manager: because we have goals beyond just the customer's opinion and sometimes a bit opposing all the years of almost going bankrupt it had to be the mature decision to play safe and stick for what's cheap to save a buck in this world.
Junior: So the faces in cans was part of your intended idea?
(The food pantry manager turns his chair around revealing his face is missing and is covered in bandages)
Food Pantry Manager: Why would you think otherwise?
(More people with the same look as the Food Pantry Manager appear behind Junior and Link surrounding them. It then cuts to the two tied to chairs next to a table with the canned face in the middle)
Food Pantry Manager: So I heard you two weren't so obedient to eat my face, correct?
Link: Well, maybe yes.
Junior: Link, shut up!
Food Pantry Manager: Well, children will go their way but little will they realize the actuals of real life…
Junior: Oh yeah because eating faces counts as playing a part in real life.
Foot Pantry Manager: Life always goes through the ways that aren't decent considering majorities. We live in a world where creating babies requires instructions informally restricted to children.
Link: He does have a point.
Food Pantry Manager: So are you kids going to be mature and respectful and eat the face in support of saving the planet…
(The manager then grabs a pocket knife)
Foot Pantry Manager: Or do we have to take both of yours?
(The two look at each other with scared and defeated faces. Junior then takes a sigh)
Junior: You know what else I have to ask about real life?
Food Pantry Manager: What?
Junior: How are we sitting when there are no chairs?
(It shows the two are sitting on nothing and they race off)
Food Pantry Manger: YOU F—ING CARTOON LOGIC CHEATERS F—ING PSYCHOTIC PIECE OF DOG SH-T! GET THEM!
(The food pantry workers chase after the two. A worker grabs Junior by the arm)
Food Pantry Worker: GOTCHA!
Junior: TAKE THIS!
(Junior grabs the can of face and chucks the face at the worker)
Food Pantry Worker: OH GOD! IT’S SO SLIMY! GET IT OFF!
(The two continue racing off as Junior goes into his pocket)
Junior: SUCK ON THIS YOU FACELESS WEIRDOS!
(Junior throws a Bob-omb at the Food Pantry workers)
Food Pantry Manager: Uh oh…
(The two race out of the warehouse before it blows up killing everyone inside)
Link: HOLY SHIT THAT WAS CLOSE!
Junior: Agreed.
Link: Wait, why do you still have the empty can?
Junior: So we can show proof that we ate the face. Now let’s get home before dad’s done with his episode!
Link: Right!
(The two race off. It cuts back to the SML House where they run back into the house to the dinner table out of breath)
Junior: Shit I’m out of breath.
Link: You think we got here before the episode ended?
Bowser: (OS) JUNIOR! PIXIE GOBLIN! YOU BETTER HAVE EATEN THAT FACE!
Junior: Well that answers it.
(Bowser comes storming down the stairs)
Bowser: That face better be gone!
Junior: Oh don’t worry dad it is!
Link: Yep we finally ate it!
Bowser: I’ll believe it when I see it.
(Bowser grabs the can and to his shock, he sees it’s empty)
Bowser: Well i’ll be damned, you actually ate the face.
Junior: See, we told you dad.
Bowser: Well sorry for doubting ya kids.
Link: Does this mean we get to keep our toys and video games?
Bowser: Sounds like it. Now who wan’ts to celebrate by opening another can?
Junior and Link: NO!
Junior: I mean, thanks but we’re not hungry.
Bowser: Hmmm suit yourself. More for me.
(Bowser opens the can only to look in horror in it)
Bowser: Umm… There’s a dead squirrel in here.
(The two look inside the can)
Junior: Hmmm. Well I guess your having a dead squirrel for dinner.
Link: And you did say you have to eat anything in there, right?
(Bowser looks at the viewer with a shocked face and the episode ends there)
==Trivia==
*This was based off the animated short of the same name by disgraced animator John Kricfalusi.
**Also please note that this short is not to endorse the actions of said animator as this short just serves as a parody.
**This short also takes inspiration from another parody of the same short, created by It-Saac Studios
==Navigation==
==References==
Category:CuldeeFell_Shortz
Category:Bowser_Junior_Episodes
Category:Link_Episodes
Category:Hansel_Episodes
Category:Bowser_Episodes
Category:Hans_Episodes
Category:Cecil_Turtle_Episodes
Category:Food_Pantry_Manager_Episodes
Category:Food_Pantry_Workers_Episodes