My child listens to Weezer.

My child listens to Weezer. is season 2 episode 1 of I hate my child..
==Synopsis==
CartoonGuy saves the day with fire, but someone lends the bad guys a helping hand.
==Transcript==
Narrator: Last time, on I hate my child…..
Hoopla uncovered a deep secret beneath the lowest depths of the island, leading to extremely dangerous shenanigans with an unexpected result, which will be wrapped up in this new season of Hoopla’s Fantastic Beach! Roll the clip!
(The screen is perfectly normal, showing data of what occurred to Hoopla. 
Except…something’s missing. The Ocean Core. TIM. Their data is glitched, essentially nonexistent. For some reason, they don't know the cores and TIM exist. They don’t know anything is wrong. The universe is at stake but nobody knows. They’re not coming to help.)
Cirxyl: Oh, wait, there’s a speck on my screen.
Trixyl: Everything looks normal to me.
Bloxyl: Darn.
Trixyl: Remember, we cannot ever interfere with their matters. Only when the universe is at stake.
Bloxyl: (sigh) I know, I know.
[Bloxyl walks away while Trixyl and Cirxyl face each other]
Trixyl: It has occurred as foreseen.
Cirxyl: Right. The storm has arrived.
Trixyl: His next challenge has arrived.
Cirxyl: There is more than he knows.
Trixyl: We recognize there’s more that even we don’t know…
Cirxyl: Yet we cannot discover what that information is. We do not know why the storm has 
come for him now, just that it has.
Trixyl: It’s in the fate of free will now.
Cirxyl: We must continue as stated. Must not interfere.
Trixyl: Continue as told. Follow… the Direct Orders.
[The episode starts where the last one ended]
French Guy: So, it all started when I was a young child. My father died when I was 6 years old, my mother was an alcoholic, and my brother was always away from our house. When I was 21, I met Mike Source, he was lost in Paris. He seemed smart, so I convinced him to build a lab together. He would come meet me every few days, and we started building what we would later call the R.O.O.T.s. It took a while, but after months of hard work we finished it. It was basically a laboratory under my house. My mother was very close to finding out about it, but we always managed to hide it. We did experiments there, such as turning frogs into rabbits, making baguettes tastier, and making cloning machines. My partner, Mike, made over 30 clones including Tan, and the very last one we created was… you, Zoltan. We gave you a little bunny named Bunny, and you always played with it. You also stabbed my genitals, but that's not important. Anyway, shortly after we made you, we had an argument, an argument which led to our fallout… I hid all the clones inside the R.O.O.T.s and I shut it down. Well… all the clones except you. You seemed like you were capable of more than the other ones. You were… special… Your adoptive mother ended up being some British-Hungarian prostitute called Carol City, who would then change her name to Zoltan’s Mum. Mike got married, while I spent the next few years of my life doing nothing at my home. Until one day, when Mike visited your house. You know the rest of the story… Mike killed Bunny, you got mad, I died, I got revived, SaxFucker burned down the R.O.O.T.s… But why did I come back? Well the answer is simple. I just wanted to apologize for all the things me and Mike did, and I just want us to be happy together again. Do you understand that, Zoltan?
[French Guy looks up and sees that Zoltan, Tan, Bot, Cactus, Crazy and CartoonGuy have left the room]
French Guy: o
[Laugh track]
Mike: What the hell?! How could this happen?! How did they get untied?! Was it the cat?
Prim: Meow. Lasagna.
Mike: Hm, I don’t think so.
French Guy: What were you all doing?!
Epstein: Oh sorry Pierre, this Aaron boy was showing us the new Ken Stringfellow concert.
Renaud: Yeah, he’s a nonce friend of ours.
French Guy: Why is Golf passed out on the floor?
Aaron: He couldn’t stand the music.
Mike: sigh How do we wake him up?
Prim: I’ve got this. [he grabs a strawberry-flavored lasagna and stuffs it into Golf’s mouth, waking him up]
Golf: BIDEN!
Prim: Meow.
French Guy: Sacrebleu! We need to get them!
Aaron: Now hold on! As their neighbor, I know exactly what they’re doing. They have a plan. Let me explain it to you with Prim, in a theater play sort of way. But first, we’re gonna need some outfits.
Golf: This is worse than the time the store was out of strawberries!
[Cutaway to Golf in a store]
Golf: Hey, could I have some strawberries?
Cashier: Sorry, we are out of strawberries.
[Golf starts breaking everything in the store and shooting people]
Golf: I’m gonna blow up like Benson.
[Cut to Bot, Zoltan, Tan, Cactus, Crazy and CartoonGuy thinking]
Bot: Okay, so we have successfully escaped, now we just need to get rid of Mike and French Guy.
Tan: Oh I know! We could throw a sausage into a shredder! That would get rid of Mike!
Zoltan: I don’t think Mike is that stupid.
CartoonGuy: Hold on, what if we sing the German National Anthem? I can speak German!
Bot: Sure, that could work.
CartoonGuy: Die Fahne hoch! Die Reihen fest geschlossen! SA marschiert mit ruhig festem Schritt. Kam'raden, die Rotfront und Reaktion erschossen, Marschier'n im Geist in unser'n Reihen mit.
Tan: I don’t think that’s the right anthem…
Crazy: Oh uh I know that Germans like spaghetti right
[CartoonGuy slaps Crazy]
Crazy: Meowch.
Bot: Getting rid of French Guy should be enough though, Mike will definitely cry like a baby if we kill him.
Cactus: Perhaps we should use the Auger Family Guillotine™.
Zoltan: No, we don’t talk about that.
CartoonGuy: Wait, I have an idea on how to deal with the motherfuckers.
Bot: Okay, great, but make sure that Aaron and-
[CartoonGuy sets the building from earlier on fire]
Zoltan: HOLY SHIT!
CartoonGuy: There you go!
Tan: You fucking arsonist, they’re all gonna die!
CartoonGuy: Surely, yeah.
Bot: Aaron and Prim are in there! We need to save them!
CartoonGuy: That’ll be 200 bucks.
Zoltan: What the hell?! You’re charging us that much?!
CartoonGuy: Inflation has been hard for all of us.
Crazy: Don’t worry guys, go do what you need to do, I’ll pay.
CartoonGuy: Are you sure, Andrew?
Cactus: who the fuck is andrew bitch
[Everyone except Crazy and CartoonGuy goes back in the burning building]
Porky: Yo, I’m the cop of the lot that is not gonna stop with a shot at the Broadway spectacle hot thot though I thought for a moment your breath is potent my fingers are open for homosexuality exhibited out in the open 
CartoonGuy: Okay, uh, Andrew, pay up.
Crazy: Here you go. [gives him 200 Hooplabucks]
CartoonGuy: This is not real money.
Crazy: o
[Crazy disappears; cut back to inside the building where Aaron and Prim are enacting a scene]
Prim: Oh father Zoltan, please, won’t you lend me a paternal hand?
Aaron: Alas, daughter……uh…..fuck……Gertrude? I cannot. You see, as a wee lad in 1915, I-
Epstein: Uh, sorry to interrupt, Billy Bob Bichael, but I smell fire.
Renaud: Huh, how odd. I’m seeing something similar. I also hear burning.
French Guy: Wait a minute, this building’s on fire!
Mike: Scheiße, what the fuck. Bro. This is the last straw. Ich werde zu einem zufälligen Mann auf der Straße gehen und ihn schlagen, bis er leblos ist, dann werde ich seine Organe herausreißen und sie verwenden, um meinen verdammten Weihnachtsbaum zu schmücken nochmal!
Smooth voiceover: Mad.
Aaron: ZOINKS! WE’RE DEAD!
Prim: HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO US, Aaron?! WE UNTIED THEM!
French Guy: YOU WHAT?!
Aaron: PRIM!
Prim: We’re all gonna die anyways.
Mike: You traitors! Because of you, we are all going to burn to death!
Golf: Aaron, THESE ARE NOT THE VALUES I TAUGHT YOU! YOU’RE GROUNDED! 
Aaron: Grounded?! “Dad”, I’m gonna be undergrounded soon! 
Prim: How could our neighbors do this to us?!
French Guy: Zoltan, our son….this is unbelievable!
Mike: I hate my child.
[Cut to the other GANG!!!!! inside the building, deciding what to do]
Crazy: CartoonGuy don't you think we should do something
CartoonGuy: Shut up dog
Zoltan: He's right for once, we need a plan.
Bot: What if we call Sam the Fireman?
Tan: I hate that bloody wanker.
CartoonGuy: Okay then… What about the Paw Patrol?
Crazy: I hate dogs.
CartoonGuy: die
Bot: Well…
Zoltan: There’s no time man! Bot, roll through the fire.
Bot: What?! Why me?
Cactus: Hey, I’m a cactus in a pot, I can do that!
Zoltan: Oh yeah, that’s a better idea. Even better than when I came up with your name.
[Cutaway to Bot’s 10th birthday]
Zoltan: Happy birthday, Bot!
Bot: Yay!!!!!!! Did I get the Hello Kitty Complete Animated Series Collection on DVD?!
Zoltan: No, you get a cactus.
Bot: what
[Zoltan hands Bot the cactus]
Bot: Are you serious?
Zoltan: ye
Bot: You just bought me a Cactus with no name?
Zoltan: Oh, no, it has a name.
Bot: And what is it?
Zoltan: Uhhhhhhh… Cactus.
Bot: Very creative.
Cactus: Vietnam.
[Laugh track; cut back to Cactus who is now rolling through the building, until they appear in front of Prim and all the rest]
Prim: A cactus?
[Cactus winks at Prim]
Prim: CACTUS THE CACTUS?!
Aaron: WOAh prRIp Primitive Prim Prim Prim Tim you’re really losing it with the fire! Cactus the cactus haha!
Prim: I think they want to lead us somewhere.
[Prim kicks Cactus, who starts rolling down the building]
Cactus: aaaaaaaaaa
Prim: I’m such a prankster.
[Prim starts following them]
Aaron: Golf that’s our cat we better follow him! [he grabs Golf and chases Prim with him]
Mike: I hope they die badly.
Epstein: Well Paul, we two have certainly lived a great life.
Renaud: Indeed. Through all these years, the little children inside of us never died.
French Guy: Mike, before we die, I just want to tell you that when I-
[Suddenly, Granite breaks into the building with a helicopter]
Granite: Yo wassup diggity dogs, I just made a mess in the other room!
Mike: Granite? You’re back?
Granite: Yes!!!!!!! I would never leave a fellow nazi behind!
Mike: Wow, thank you so much!
Granite: It’s no big deal.
French Guy: Who is this brony?
Mike: Oh uh, I will explain it later. Also Granite, can Pierre come as well?
Granite: Sure!
[Mike and French Guy hop inside the helicopter]
Granite: Alright guys, let’s go!
French Guy: Please don't go too fast, I drank a lot of wine.
Granite: Okay, I will drive slowly, I promise.
Epstein: Wait, what about-
[Granite starts the helicopter]
Paul Renaud: Oh dear.
Epstein: Renaud, my love, quick, jump onto the helicopter! It’s the only safe way out! And as for me… I will stay here…
Paul Renaud: Okay… I love you…
Epstein: I love you too…
[Paul Renaud jumps on the helicopter and flies away with it]
Epstein: Goodbye, my love.
[Epstein turns to dust; cut to Cactus rolling back to Zoltan, Tan, Bot, Crazy and CartoonGuy with Prim, Aaron and Golf]
Tan: Wow, the whole gang’s here!
Bot: (in nerd voice) Ummmm… Acshually…. Liz and Travis are not here…
Tan: (in smosh voice) SHUT UP!
[Zoltan notices Granite’s helicopter with Paul Renaud hanging from it]
Zoltan: Wait, who is that fat guy on that helicopter?
Aaron: I don’t know, he seems like a nonce to me…
Prim: Wait, that’s Renaud!
Bot: Oh, Spongefan won’t be happy when he finds out about this…
Tan: Wait, if Paul Renaud survived then maybe Mike and French Guy are alive as well…
CartoonGuy: Nah, that’s impossible. They definitely burned to death.
Tan: Sure… But I’m just saying that there’s a chance.
Prim: Augh guys, this is so boring. Can’t we go home and like eat lasagna or something?
Aaron: We should listen to Weezer.
Golf: I do not think that is a good idea.
Aaron: What about Ken Stringfellow?
Golf: I'm about to blow up like Benson.
Zoltan: Okay guys, calm down, let’s all just go home and take a little nap, because we must be very tired after all this. You know, we went to France, Mike and French Guy tried to kill us, Tan’s house got 9/11’d, we got kidnapped, CartoonGuy burned down a building…
[Zoltan looks up and sees that everyone has started walking away]
Zoltan: o
[Laugh track because reusing jokes is funny; Cut to the inside of the helicopter]
French Guy: So, who is this Granite dude?
Mike: You know, after we split up for the second time around 2022-
Granite: Guys, I think there’s something pulling down this helicopter.
Mike: That’s strange. Pierre, could you check the back of this vehicle?
French Guy: Sure, whatever.
[French Guy looks out the helicopter’s window and sees Paul Renaud]
French Guy: Jésus Christ! There’s a nonce hanging from our helicopter!!
Granite: Huh?
French Guy: Renaud… He's back!
Mike: What? That's impossible! I thought he died!
French Guy: Somehow, he returned…
Granite: Well we gotta do something!
Mike: Uhhhhh… What if we just stop mid air?
Granite: That’s a wonderful idea!
[The helicopter stops]
French Guy: How did that actually-
[The helicopter falls down right into Zoltan’s house where Zoltan, Tan, Bot, Crazy, Cactus, Prim and Aaron are]
Granite: Okay, not a wonderful idea.
Paul Renaud: Ouch, that hurt quite a bit.
Bot: MR. RENAUD?
Paul Renaud: oh shit
[Paul Renaud runs away trying to make as little noise as possible]
Tan: Well well well… Mike… French Guy… Brony…
Crazy: wait who are these people again
[Crazy gets crushed by a brick from the destroyed roof]
Cactus: Oh finally Andrew's gone.
Zoltan: Mike, French Guy, why did you come back? Do you want to die for real?
Granite: Oh they uh weren’t planning on i
Tan: Hold up, Granite, why were you with Mike and French Guy?
Granite: Uh...Do you like ponies?
[After a few seconds of awkward silence Granite jumps into his helicopter and flies far away]
Mike: We came back for a good reason, that you don't understand!
French Guy: Well, while we are here, I guess you can finally listen to my explanation on why I did everything the way I did. But first, we need to create a good atmosphere.
[French Guy walks towards the light switch but accidentally trips and falls into the Auger Family Guillotine™, Cactus pulls it, and his head gets chopped off]
Mike: WHAT THE FUCK
Tan: Oh thank God.
Mike: Pierre… Please… You can’t die like this…
Zoltan: Well Mike, now that your husband is gone, you can leave now.
Mike: NO! NO! I’M NOT GONNA GIVE UP YET! IF FISH CAN LIVE UNDERWATER THEN SO CAN I!
Aaron: Oh bye Mike.
[Aaron kicks him out of the house and locks the door]
Mike: I WILL TAKE REVENGE! I ALWAYS COME BACK!
Aaron: (off-screen) Oh right, take this.
[Aaron throws French Guy’s decapitated head out of the window]
Mike: Pierre!
[Mike puts the head away into his useful backpack]
Mike: I will avenge you Pierre… I promise…
[Mike walks away; cut back to inside the house]
Bot: Wow that was so cool, Aaron.
Aaron: Cumfellow.
Bot: oh
Prim: Okay guys, it was fun, but I’m hungry now, and I must go.
[Prim jumps out of a different window and walks to Aaron’s house]
Aaron: I should go as well.
[Aaron jumps out of the window too]
Bot: Now what?
Tan: Hmm… Maybe listening to Weezer wouldn’t be such a bad idea.
[Aaron jumps back through the same window]
Aaron: DID SOMEONE SAY WEEZER
[Everyone laughs and the episode ends with all of them at a Weezer concert as a song is wrapping up]
Bot: These lyrics about virginity are so true…
Rivers Cuomo: Everyone, get ready for Crab!
Zoltan: Oh boy, a song about Mr. Krabs!
[They play the song and it has nothing to do with Mr. Krabs]
Zoltan: Wait, this has nothing to do with Mr. Krabs.
[Then suddenly Ken Stringfellow appears]
Ken Stringfellow: CRAB IF YOU WANT IT-
Zoltan: I'm going to kill myself.
[Laugh track; the episode fades out BUT THEN THERE’S A POST CREDITS SCENE WHERE MIKE IS INSIDE THE REBUILT R.O.O.T.S]
Mike: Those fools think that they defeated me and Pierre forever… They are so stupid…
[Mike grabs French Guy’s decapitated head out of his useful backpack]
Mike: Wake up, Pierre… Wake up…
[Mike places the head into a machine and pulls a lever, resulting in lightning going to the head]
Mike: P-Pierre?
[French Guy’s head opens his eyes as a dramatic sound effect plays, and then the episode really ends]
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