Doh's Henry Hideout/Prologue

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“So uh. Guys. Can we move out of this tent now? It smells weird,” Sprak complained, as usual. There was no response. “...Mason? C’moooonn dude, this place sucks.”
“EVER SINCE OUR HOUSE BURNED DOWN IN CHAPTER SOMETHING OF HENRY HOLIDAYS, WE’VE BEEN LIVING IN THIS TENT,” explained Steli to no one in particular.
“Mrghhhh...e penis shit,” mumbled Osaka, slowly awaking after sleeping on Mapman’s lap (OTP).
“Globdangit Mason wake uuuuup,” said Sprak.
“I’M FECKEN AWAKE, SPRAK!” Osaka threw one of his shoes at Sprak’s face.
“Good. We’re moving. Tents are boring. And stinky.”
“Well, we should have bought insurance for the stupid headquarters,” said Mapman, drawing a map of some unknown area that no one else really seemed to give a feck about.
“Yeah well apparently you can’t buy tent insurance,” Sprak said irritably.
“STILIOSELAND HAS INSURANCE, THAT’S WHY AZUZU IS YELLOW.” Stiliose shouted loudly for some reason.
“Uh, does insurance exist in England?” Osaka scratched his head. “I dunno, you’re not American or Hawaiian like me.”
“Is it just me or is Stili weirder than usual?” Midpulse asked.
“GOD SAVE THE MUDKEEP.”
“Hey, Tenshi, does Brittania have insurances of any kind?” Osaka asked.
“I dunno, I’m from España,” Tenshi chirped.
“You guys are clearly being driven insane by the stank of this tent. Lets get the feck outta here,” Sprak said
“NO, MAN, STFU. I LIKE IT IN HERE AND MAPMAN IS HOT,” Osaka said. “I MEAN HE’S WARM. THAT’S WHY I FELL ASLEEP ON HIM.”
“How did you even just pronounce that word? It’s unpronounceable! I’m clearly being driven to hallucination!” Sprak began to panic.
“I pronounced it ‘STFU’, bro. It’s simple,” Osaka said. “Now where the Henry are we going? This tent is all we had. All my waifu merch’ was burnt with the building, which led me to suicidal thoughts.” Osaka papercut himself with a magazine.
“Uhhh. Marzipan, draw us a map to some place cool,” said Sprak.
“I dunno any cool places,” groaned Mapman.
“Just let your drawing hand GUIDE youuuuuuu!”
“Hey, fuck, why does Sprak get more lines?” Midpulse angrily said.
“Is the plot gonna advance at all in this story?”
“Glob dang it that’s why I woke you up! And stop breaking the fourth wall!” shouted Sprak.
Osaka pushed Mapman against the wall of the tent, and the entire tent was engulfed in flames. “I TOLD YOU HE WAS HOT,” Osaka said.
“WELP!” Tenshi yelled as he cut the opposite side of the tent with the shaft of his long, hard, pointy, sharp sword. The fabric was easily cut. He led the other five Mails to climbing out of the cut before the entire tent was burnt down.
“That could have easily been avoidable if the tent had a door,” Osaka said.
“Damnit, now we DO need a new home!” Tenshi shouted.
“Are we vulnerable to setting every home we’ll ever get on fire or something?” Osaka asked.
“Am natta sure but I can guarantee that the Ghosts of Stiliose won’t be appearing in this crossover.” Stiliose was proud of yet another fourth wall breaking.
Osaka pointed Middy’s memorable rocket-launcher from the first fic at Stiliose in anger. “If they do, then YOU will be the Ghost of Stiliose.”
“Hey, for once I actually agree with Mason!” said Sprak in surprise. “Now lets go find this mystery location on Marzupan’s Map!”
“‘For once’?” Osaka asked tearfully. “Do we not agree on stuff that often?”
“Maps? We don’t need maps.” Middeh said in reply to Sprak.
“We do, we’re not playing Metroid. Ba-dum--” Mister Stiliose Rosalina has been kicked by Osaka Kasuga.
Stiliose ruffled his hair after his “joke”.
“Well, Marzupian used his psychic powers to draw a map of someplace cool that he doesnt know about,” Sprak reminded Mid.
“The only one with unfair powers here is Tenshi,” Osaka said. “He gets his super-cool angel wings.”
“Nope my powers are way better,” said Mapman.
“Whatever,” said Sprak. “Lets GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
The six Mails looked at the map and the long path from their current position to the small island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
“Wait a sec, where even are we? Where is our HQ located?” Osaka asked.
“I think we’re in America. You guys keep messing with teleportation and shot so its hard to tell anymore.”
“Well, okay.”
The path started from northern U.S.A. and went north up to the North Pole. Then, the path went south a bit back to Florida, America, and went quite a way east into the Atlantic Ocean.
“What the feck?” Stiliose questioned.
“Why do we have to go to the North Pole?” Osaka asked.
“The North Pole is fucking stupid, I don’t wanna go there.” said Mid.
“Hey, for once I actually agree with Middy!” said Sprak.
“But we didn’t get to go to the North Pole in our last fic, so...” Mapman smiled. “Besides, I guarantee you that important plot details will take place there. I’m psychic, mang, trust me.”
“Feck, Mapman.” Osaka said.
“Well, we have to believe the psychics,” said Tenshi. “Now, let’s go. North, first, right?”
“Well being the resourceful coolguy that I am... I have a handy dandy COMPASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”
“But I know directions!” Osaka exclaimed. “Trust me! That way’s north!” Osaka said, pointing to the west.
“Besides that, how are we supposed to get from Amurricaland to the North Pole? We’d need a superboat or something,” Midpulse remarked.
“Um... Tenshi could fly us there with-”
“No, my body doesn’t have that much strength, I think,” Tenshi objected.
“I don’t wanna waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalk,” groaned Sprak.
“This is fecken dumb.” Osaka stomped the ground. “Let’s use the Gangnam Dial.”
“DO EET.”
“No way, dude. Henry gave us that. We’re not allowed to use it for other stuff except the holiday shenanigans; do you REALLY wanna piss off Henry?” Sprak asked.
“Don’t piss off the God of Love.” Osaka chuckled at the reference only he would get.
“I think you mean the god of sex, Osakakakakiokaioka.” said Sprak.
“Rated E for Everyone,” reminded Stili.
“Okay. Let’s fecken start walking. We’re wasting chapter space,” Osaka said.
“Yes,” said Sprak and he began to walk. “...Wait, why don’t we just build one of those thingies people traveled in in the olden days. Like, a big wagon. Those are fun. FUUUNNNNN!”
“Guys, WTF!? You’re walking west!” Osaka said.
“Everyone stop coming up with logical bypasses, we need more than 3 chapters!” screamed Midnight.
“Ahem. Alright, then, let’s build a wagon,” Osaka said.
One building montage later, the six Mails proudly stood in front of an old-timey wagon, with a steering wheel instead of animals to drive it and a stanky old tent on top.
“None of us now how to drive. Heh,” Osaka said.
“You know, Mason, if you hadn’t stanked up that tent then this would be much more fun,” Sprak said.
“What. What the feck did I do?
“DON’T PLAY INNOCENT, WE ALL KNOW.”
“You know WHAT?”
“What you DID.”
“Look, whatever. Let’s get inside the fecken wagon before-”
MIDPULSE has died of dysentery. 
“Well shit,” said Sprak.
“Middy! Noooo!” Osaka held Midpulse’s dead body, bawling. He looked up into the sky as it quickly began to rain. Lightning struck, setting the, uh, sad mood for the death of Midpulse.
The five remaining Mails stepped onto the wagon, Osaka holding Midpulse.
“So, uh,” Osaka said, “where do I put him?”
“There’s a chest in the back, I think,” Mapman responded.
Osaka opened the big, brown chest of mike tyson. He dropped Midpulse’s dead body inside of it.
“Okay, so, none of us have the knowledge how to drive.” Tenshi said.
“You dont need to know how to drive. You just push the wheel left or right- it’s like a joystick. The wheel doesn’t actually do anything,” explained Sprak, who had designed the controls to the wagon.
“I call driving first!” Osaka exclaimed before anyone else could. “Your lack of response tells me I can.” Osaka sat down in the driver’s seat and pushed down on the pedal.
“Bro, Middy just died. Aren’t you like, sad?” Sprak asked. “...Okay well anyways we need to have a NAME for the WAGOOONNNN!”
“How about..-”
“THE WANKWAGON,” shouted Steli, who had seemingly dozed off.
“Well that is pretty accurate to the smell,” Sprak said as he glared at Mason.
“It only smells bad because of Middy’s corpse,” Osaka said, looking over his shoulder. “Also, Mappy, you know how to calculate distance, right? Well mark off our location every few miles, k?”
“Sort of like in every video game ever that has a map? That’s pretty cool,” said Sprak.
“Uh, sure?” Osaka suddenly stopped the wagon as he saw a man standing in the middle of the dirt road.
“FECK, DOES THIS GUY WOULD LIKE TO BATTLE?” shouted Steli,
“HEY, YOU FUCKEN IDIOT, GEOUTTA THE ROAD!” Osaka said, feeling empowered by his position as driver.
The man turned around and smiled. “I apologize. I was on my way to the, uh, I dunno. I mean, sorry. I did not notice any cars/wagons coming around.”
“Okay this guy is probably evil,” Sprak whispered to Steli. “That sounded way too calm and sinister for him to be a normal dude.”
“Excuse me?” the man said.
“Holyshit how did he hear me from outside the wagon,” Sprak said, attempting an urgent tone while whispering more quietly than he had before.
“You are not very good at whispering, sir,” the man responded.
“No, you just have terrifyingly good ears,” said Sprak. “So, are you an assassin sent to kill us or somethin?”
“No, I am being serious, I did not notice you. I was just walking by.”
“...K then. Cool. We need to get going. Bye!” said Sprak quickly, kicking Mason slightly to get his attention.
“Excuse me, sir, may I ask your name before you go?” the man said.
“Uh... My name is... Henry... Johnson. Henry Johnson,” Sprak lied.
“You are lying,” the man said. “Tell me your real name.”
Sprak pushed Osaka aside and pressed down on the pedal with all his might. Even though that didn’t really make it go faster at all because it was a wagon.
The wagon charged down the path. The man, at full speed, ran after the wagon. After he had gotten in front of it, the man held out his front hand, and the entire wagon flew back a few meters. The Henries screamed as they were forced back.
“Do not simply ignore me!” the man shouted with might.
“YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY EVIL,” said Steli. “LEAVE US ALONE, WE HAVEN’T KILLED ANY OF YOUR ZOMBIEBROS.”
“Hmph.”
Tenshi quickly flew out of the front of the wagon and attacked the struck the man with his sword. He simply caught the blade and threw Tenshi back.
“I am Psychopathic Guillotine,” the man said.
“Okay, not evil. Just crazy. I’m not sure if that’s better or worse,” commented Sprak. “So uh... What do you want?
“Well, first, all I wanted to know was your names,” said Guill. “But now that you are fighting me, it makes me want...world domination!”
The other five Mails jumped out of the wagon to join the fight.
“You, sir, are crazy,” Mapman said.
“We’ve definitely fought stronger villains, like, y’know Santa Mails?” Osaka said. “Wait that fic was cancelled. Oops.” Osaka flew at Guill with his copyright Sanicspeed© Gloves, but was knocked away with a strange, psychic force.
Stiliose held Midpulse’s magical machine gun bazooka rocket launcher and fired at Guill multiple times. Each time, after an uncovering of a smoke cloud, PG was unscathed.
“Uh, I think I was wrong about what I last said,” Osaka remarked. He was quickly picked up by Guill through psychic power and tossed high into the air, only to be dropped back down. Osaka was now unconscious.
“Only four Mails left,” Guillotine said.
“Wait, feck, you know who we are?” Mapman said.
“I can read minds,” said PG.
“Then why’d you ask for our names?” asked Tenshi.
“...Go to hell,” Guillotine said, suffocating Tenshi into unconsciousness. “Now only three left.”
Stiliose fired a few more times at Psycho Guillotine. The powerful man caught the rockets and threw them all back at Stiliose. Steli fell to the ground, unconscious, after the explosions.
“Two,” Guill said. He looked over at Sprak and Mapman. Mapman was looking at his map, trying to find some sort of secret exit, while Sprak held his sword cautiously towards the insane head-chopper.
“Ew, Sprak. I did not know that you could be that much of a pervert,” Guill said whilst reading Sprak’s mind.
He made a psychic explosion occur around the two Mails, forcing them into unconsciousness as well, before either of them could have even made a difference to the fight.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, came a flying Midpulse! Middy punched PG right in the face before he could see it coming, knocking him to the ground. Middy gasped for breath, but was quickly thrown over by Guill, making him unconscious as well.
“I thought you were dead. Oh well, all the Mails are out of my way for now. I shall now CONQUER THE WORLD!” Guill demonically laughed and disappeared.
The Mails all lay unconscious.
END OF CHAPTER.
Category:Doh's Henry Hideout
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Category:Fan Fiction
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