Football War - MiniWars 2/Transcript

OverSimplified: Quick, you have two seconds to name these two countries. You're wrong, unless you got it right. Then good job! They are, of course, Honduras and El Salvador. One thing these two countries have in common is being fanatic about football, or, if you're a freedom-loving patriot, soccer. But do they love it so much, they would go to war over it? You bet they would. And that is NO BUENO.
(Intro Music)
OverSimplified: If you look at these two countries, you might notice one major difference, and that is that this one is a lot bigger than this one; however, this one had a larger population than this one, made up mostly of farmers, and there wasn't enough land for them to live and work on, so they started moving from El Salvador to Honduras in search of land. And by the 1960s, a huge number of illegal immigrants had crossed over the border from El Salvador. Meanwhile, in Honduras, it's 1963 and this guy has just staged a military coup to prevent the rise of Communism, and is now the military leader of the country. He immediately began harassing the peasants' unions and other left-wing groups. But he's a little insecure about the legitimacy of his leadership, so he holds an election and wins. But then the opposing party says,
Opposing Group: Hey man, that election was clearly corrupt and fraudulent. And also, you've been bribed by the rich American banana companies who are taking all of our bananas tax-free. And now our economy is in ruins.
OverSimplified: And everyone started to get mad at him. Now, if you ever find yourself the barely legitimate military leader of a corrupt Central American country and you start getting into hot water, here's a bit of advice that has been tried and tested throughout the centuries: blame something else. So he blamed the Salvadoran immigrants for stealing all the land and all the jobs and ruining Honduras. The immigrants found themselves under attack by the hostile locals. Egged on by the rich American banana companies who wanted all the bananas to themselves, the Honduran government began evicting Salvadoran immigrants, who had been living on the land for generations, and started sending them back to El Salvador. The Salvadoran elite were furious and protested, citing moral reasons. But in reality, they were just getting a little too crowded. So tensions were about as high as they could be, but then FOOOOTBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL. It's the 1970 World Cup qualifiers and both countries finished top of their qualifying tables. So it's now time for them to play against each other in a series of matches. The first match took place in Honduras. The night before the game, Hondurans gathered outside the Salvadoran team's hotel making noise and taunting them. The next day, Honduras defeated the exhausted Salvadorans with a late 90th minute goal. After the match, a young Salvadoran fan, unable to bear her country's defeat, shot herself. Disturbingly, the Salvadoran government glorified the incident and made her into a national hero. And at the next game, fans brought pictures of her to the stadium. Emotions were running high as the next match took place in El Salvador and this time the tables were turned. The Hondurans had to endure a sleepless night in their hotel. And the next day, before the match started, instead of the Honduran flag, the Salvadorans raised a dirty rag. So great job at reducing tensions. El Salvador won decisively over the exhausted Hondurans. While spectators battled in the stands, team Honduras fled home in a bulletproof bus with rocks being thrown at them. And the Honduran coach reportedly told his players that they were lucky they lost. In response to the defeat, Hondurans began terrorizing the Salvadoran settlers even more, in some cases reportedly throwing them off their land and burning down their homes. And the immigrants began fleeing back to El Salvador. The final game in Mexico would decide who went to the World Cup. It was close. But El Salvador came out victorious, knocking Honduras out of the tournament. The atmosphere was riotous, literally. And back in Honduras, attacks on the Salvadoran immigrants further increased. This was too much for El Salvador to bear, with its people under attack and an unmanageable refugee crisis on its hands. El Salvador severed all diplomatic ties with Honduras and declared war. The Football War is also known as the 100 Hours War because that's how long it lasted, making it one of the shortest wars in history. El Salvador started by carrying out air raids in strategic locations within Honduras, including Toncontin International Airport, which prevented the Honduran Air Force from getting into the sky. Then, with their superior army, they began an invasion along two major roads complete with light tanks and infantry. Their advance was rapid and they were quickly approaching the Honduran capital. Then, the Organization of American States met in a bit of a panic and unanimously agreed that war between El Salvador and Honduras was a bad thing and probably shouldn't continue. So they went to El Salvador and said,
The Organization of American States: Can you please stop invading?
OverSimplified: And El Salvador declared,
El Salvador: NOT UNTIL THEY STOP BEING JERKS!!!!
OverSimplified: And so the war went on. The Honduran Air Force finally got into the sky. And with aid from neighboring Nicaragua, they successfully carried out air raids in Salvadoran air bases and oil facilities, crippling the Salvadoran supply line and stopping their advance dead. Caught in a bit of a stalemate, the situation was no longer advantageous to El Salvador. So when the Organization of American States once again asked them to stop and agreed to ensure the safety of the Salvadoran immigrants, El Salvador relented and a ceasefire was organized on the 18th of July. Then the OAS said,
The Organization of American States: Can you now please withdraw your troops from Honduras?
El Salvador: No!
The Organization of American States: Please?
El Salvador: No!
The Organization of American States: Please? 
El Salvador: No!
The Organization of American States: Please?
El Salvador: No!
The Organization of American States: Do it or we'll sanction you.
El Salvador: You know what? Just for you, I'll do it.
OverSimplified: So El Salvador pulled its troops out of Honduras on the 2nd of August and with casualties in the thousands, the war was over. The economies of both nations were damaged by the war, and El Salvador didn't have the capability to take care of all the returning immigrants, a crisis that eventually helped cause a civil war. The war left behind land and border disputes, some of which are still a cause of tension to this day. El Salvador went on to play in the World Cup, but lost every match they played and didn't make it past the group stage. So in the end, nobody achieved anything and there were no winners, except for this guy.
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