Jane Velez-Mitchell

Jane Velez-Mitchell (AKA Dead N*gga Storage) is a former member of the NHC.
Dead N*gga Storage (AKA DNS) is the No Homers Club's favorite member, and unofficial mascot. An arrogant misanthrope, he frequently seeks out debates with various users on the No Homers Club, almost solely in the off topic section of the board. He is known for his adamant opinions about sports, politics, pop culture, and the media. He speaks in truths.
== Board Life One ==
In July of 2002, Scott joined the No Homers Club under the name FunkLordoftheUSA. He was led to the site by his online friend Kupomog who he had known since late 1999/early 2000. When he joined, he decided almost immediately on a disagreeable personality. He frequently got into fights with the Music Nerd Krew and Film Nerd Krew for no other purpose than entertainment. This included a hyperbolic account of his hatred for Pulp Fiction (which would later become the origin of his username, in addition to being a favorite movie), and his insistence that he would never see The Godfather because he refused to condone violence. This latter absurdity got him warning points in April of 2003, prompting his departure from the board because of his disappointment with the reception of his odd sense of humor. Scott's attempts to dismiss everything with hatred during stint one was a failure, due in part to his immaturity.
Before leaving the NHC the first time, he changed his username to Anti-Everything to reflect the perception people had of him on the board. He was well known for an incident where, on the day of the deaths of seven astronauts on board space shuttle Columbia, he informed the users that he was 'over it' already, and didn't see why anyone cared. He also debated the usage of the word hero to describe their actions, solely to enrage other users. It was a large part of the downfall of his first account on NHC. His profile states that the last time he logged into the Anti-Everything account was on the 26th of December, 2004, at 11:26 AM.
== Board Life Two ==
DNS regularly argues with everyone with a bunch of words because he can, Don't worry, he is always right.
He is best known for his charitable works, including saving whales from Canadian terrorists and delivering hair implants to starving children in Oklahoma.
He also is a superfag, albeit a loveable one. However, studies show that prolonged exposure to DNS may cause rectal bleeding.
DNS is great to speak with on the telephone... once he's stopped cursing you out. (usually takes 5-9 minutes)
Former usernames include: FunkLordoftheUSA, Anti-Everything, Dead Negro Storage, Undead Negro Storage, David Palmer, Zombie David Palmer, Dead Negro Palmer, Dead U-Haul Self Storage, Deadeneezer Scrooge, President Logan, Kelley, and President Noah Daniels.
Everyone pay irritated Scott a new donkey, daddy needs a new pair of slacks.
After the Great Board Split, he decided that he had enough and decided to leave with a bang, stating "fuck yourself, eric", before his profile was deleted on No Homers, though it remained intact on the Boards And Rec, where he was known by his first name.
== Trivia ==
* Is fervently anti-Australian
* Can juggle four flaming bowling pins while riding on a unicycle
* Very likely does not get the irony of his username
* Is known for saying the word 'fuck' alot, just like OldSchoolerSimpsons used to.
* His "Anti-Everything" account still exists to this day.
* Removed this article from the "Articles with dicks in them" category back in the old NHC Wiki because it wasn't even created as a category yet
== DNS At The Movies ==
* on The Shining: "its just like a BLACK MAN to come along to try and ruin a WELL FUCKING THOUGHT OUT PLAN"
* on Fargo: "it stalled in the middle in the scene when marge met her old school friend. Probably because that character was ASIAN, and ASIANS are always fucking STALLING"
* on I Am Legend: "the last man on earth being BLACK is proof that god DOES NOT FUCKING EXIST"
* on Ikiru: "what a poor bastard, he has only a year to live and he has to live it as an ASIAN"
* on 8 1/2: "going by the title i thought it was about a BLACK MAN'S COCK"
* on Crash: "not bad"
== Quotes ==
* "Who put this thing together? Me, that's who! Who do I trust? Me! You FUCKING RETARDS!"
* "Fuck MegaSvensk and fuck the fuckin' Aussie Krew, fuck them all! I'll bury those cock-a-roches!"
* "What are you lookin' at? You're all a bunch of FUCKING RETARDS. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be. You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers, and say "that's the bad guy." So, what'll that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth... even when I lie. So say goodnight to the bad guy. Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Make way for the bad guy...RETARDS!"
* "You wanna fuck with me? Okay! You wanna play rough? Okay! SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND...Webster's Dictionary."
* "I never argued endlessly and pointlessly with anyone in my life who didn't have it coming to 'em."
* "On this board, you gotta make them angry first. Then when you get them angry, you get them bored. Then when you get them bored, nobody reads the thread anymore and you win by default"
* "Why don't you try sticking your head up your ass? See if it fits...RETARD"
* steve scrivlelaopfjiore, harleenquinn, spikeyhairedhooligan, and ppoi are actually all the same poster.
* And lastly: "fuck yourself, eric".