Roots; or Why The Greater Nature Spirit is a Tool

==Roots; or Why the Greater Nature Spirit is a Tool==
I’ve hung around a few times with a loner of some potential, a stoner who goes by the name of The Weed. Now, looking at the guy, you wouldn’t think much, but he’s got something to him beyond what anyone I think really realizes. I heard this story from him when we were both high on some of his private stash, so I can’t promise every detail was told or remembered correctly, but it goes a little something like this.
So some way or another, we’re in this basement in New Mexico. Or maybe it was Nebraska. Hell if I know. Everyone else is conked out and it’s just me and the plant fucker who gave us the stash in return for safe travel. Somehow or other, we end up on the concept of this virus and how it happened, and he’s insisting it’s magic. “Totally is man, trust me on this one”. So I call bullshit, but he’s like, “No, man, but it IS.” Normally, I’d just drop it, but he’s got something to it, like he’s sure beyond a shadow of a doubt. So I ask him why, and he tells me.
“I’m on a highway somewhere, I forget, and I’m going… I forget, but I’m just walking down this road and if it isn’t the hottest day I’ve ever been through then I’m a f’in liar. But then it starts to cool down, outta nowhere, and at first I just take it for granted, but when I think about it I realize the sun ain’t shining. So I look up, and I’m under this canopy of trees, like a rainforest, in the middle of bum-fuckin nowhere, man. Just like, I must be in Brazil or some shit but I ain’t and I know that. And I keep walking, and the trees part, and I am in the middle of this like, sanctuary thing. And in the middle, there’s this tree, with this giant face on it. So I’m thinking I must have done some shrooms or something and forgot, but that’s when it opens it mouth and it speaks to me, man!”
So at this point I tell him, “Yeah, but how is this at all related to the virus?” and he just looks at me, dead on and says “Just listen, man! Just fuckin listen, Jesus Christ.”
“So it opens it’s mouth and it says to me, well,”
“Avatar of Nature! It is time that you, my champion, learned your true purpose. I am the source of the great virus which has wreaked so much havoc on humankind, as punishement for their ills! They would have seen the natural world destroyed, wiped out. It was either to be our extinction or theirs. A choice was made. But it was not a perfect solution. And so, I created you! Humans still live on this world. It is your task, as my Champion, to seek out the last vestiges of humanity and smite them will the full force of the natural world. Only then, will we truly be safe. I, the Greater Nature Spirit command it!”
“So what did you do?”
“I called him on his bullshit.”
“Okay. That’s bullshit, and we both know it.”“WHAT! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO I, YOUR OVERLORD! YOUR CREATOR, YOUR…”
“If it isn’t a total load, then why me? I mean, jesus man. I’m not some freaking save the earth fag. I’m me. Given the choice, nobody would take me over someone more dedicated, or whatever. So you know what I think? I think I got lucky. I think when you did that magic spell to make me what I am, you were aiming at someone else. I think you missed. But if you did, why wouldn’t you just take it back? Unless you can’t. Unless you’ve given me this power and you can’t take it away. And that means, bro, that I can do whatever the hell I want to do and you can’t do a goddamn thing.”“YOU.. YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS INSOLENCE!”
“Fuck you, treebeard.”
“And then I just, made him leave.”
“What?”
“He was a plant, man. I ungrew that sucker.”
“So you killed the god of nature?”
“Fuck if I know, man. Gimme another hit, this is some primo shit.”