Homeless Hotel

Homeless Hotel is the thirty-second episode and the fourteenth episode of Season Two in Welcome to Fancyland!. It was written by FireMatch.
==Plot==
Out of a complete act of kindness, SpongeBob opens up a "Homeless Hotel" for homeless people all around the sea. However, some people start exploiting this hotel and fake being homeless just for special treatment.
==Synopsis==
The episode begins with SpongeBob watching television while eating popcorn. SpongeBob accidentally drops the popcorn bowl onto Gary, who gives out a muffled meow before the bowl gets picked up.
“Sorry, Gare Bear, it’s just that this show is SO GOOD,” SpongeBob says. “The Looking Channel is my favorite. You can look at pretty much anything your eyes could ever want to look at.”
The TV shows footage of someone taking a shower.
“Okay, maybe not that.”
The TV then shows a video of someone giving money to a beggar on the streets.
“Aww, seeing homeless people makes me feel so bad for them,” SpongeBob says. “They have nowhere to live.”
Gary meows.
“I feel like this is the part where I have to do something. Hmm…” SpongeBob rubs his forehead so hard that he feels pain. “Ouch! Okay, maybe not that hard.”
After rubbing his forehead some more, SpongeBob generates an idea.
“A-ha! An idea has popped up, Gary, and I’m going to use it to help the homeless.”
“Meow?”
“I’m going to build a homeless shelter. No wait… a homeless hotel! I’ll call it Hotel for the Homeless. It’ll be a wonder to behold for all to see.”
SpongeBob excitedly runs out the door, but then immediately runs back inside.
“I can't do this alone. I need some help,” SpongeBob says.
Cut to Patrick attempting to use his dishwasher in his kitchen.
“Oh, I'm not used to these new fancy things,” he says. “They aren't made of sand anymore, and that makes me sad.”
Patrick kicks the side of the dishwasher, and it makes some noises.
“I hope that's good enough,” he says. “Because I'm starving!”
Patrick grabs a new plate from the cabinet and sets it down on the table. He looks over to see how the dishwasher is doing, when he hears a knock on his rock.
“Who be it?” Patrick yells.
“SpongeBob!”
“Oh. Come in!”
The rock opens up, and SpongeBob walks into the kitchen where Patrick is.
“Hey Patrick, wanna help me with a brand new hotel?” SpongeBob asks.
“I love hotels! I remember that one time when you made my hotel room completely covered in cheese. Good times.”
“Yeah. Well listen, this is a hotel for the homeless people.”
“You mean people don't have homes?!”
“Yeah, plenty of them.”
“That makes me sad.”
“Well there'll be a lot less homeless people if you help me out, buddy. What do you say.”
“I say, I need to use the bathroom. And then I'm in!”
Patrick rushes into the bathroom, and a few moments later, flushes, and enters the kitchen again, this time with toilet paper stuck to his foot.
“I'm in!”
“Uhh, Patrick there's toilet paper on your foot.”
“It's a new fashion style, didn't you know?”
“Um sure. Let's do this thing!”
Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick walking out of a store with several shopping carts full of building materials. Back at home, they get to working, making lots of noise, which catches the attention of Squidward.
Squidward opens up his window. “Can you two dimwits keep it down to a decent decibel level? I'm trying to concentrate!”
“Sorry, Squidward!” SpongeBob yells back. He then says to Patrick, “Squidward says we need to keep it down a bit.”
“Okily dokily, neighborino!” Patrick says, giving a thumbs up.
“I feel like I should get what you just did,” SpongeBob says.
“Honestly I don't either,” Patrick responds.
(12 hours of acceptable decibel levels of construction later…)
“Wow, Patrick, I can't believe we actually did it!” SpongeBob says.
“Yeah, with a little help from these hard hatted guys!” Patrick says.
One of the construction workers waves at the duo smiling.
“But wait a minute, I just realized something.”
“You left your rubber ducky at home like I did and now you're gonna fall into a deep depression?”
“...no. There's no homeless people in Fancyland, this is pointless! All my plans are ruined.”
“This is a load of barnacles. Why don't we take the hotel and push it somewhere else?!”
“That's actually a brilliant idea! Hey workers, we got a new job for ya.”
(An entire day of building moving later…)
(In New Kelp City)
“Ah, smell that unfresh air, Patrick,” SpongeBob says, taking a whiff before gagging.
“I would if I had a nose,” Patrick replies sadly.
“Aw, Patrick, it's fine. Anyways, here in New Kelp City there are bound to be plenty of homeless people. In fact, I bet there's one over here.”
SpongeBob peeks around the nearby dumpster to see a trio of little kids beating each other up with dirty socks.
“That's unsanitary!” SpongeBob says. “I think these guys need our help, what do you think, Patrick?”
“I dunno, seems like they're having a good time.”
“But they don't have homes.”
Patrick screams. “Good point.”
The little kids stop fighting and look at SpongeBob and Patrick.
“Daddy?” one of them asks. “Is that you?”
“No, but I know your daddy. He’ll be back soon,” SpongeBob lies. “Come with us if you want a place to stay.”
“Okay!” the three kids say as they walk alongside SpongeBob and Patrick. Cut to the five of them standing next to the Hotel for the Homeless. The kids are starry-eyed.
“It's a spring miracle!” one of them says.
“C’mon, guys, let's go inside,” SpongeBob says.
SpongeBob unlocks the door, and the five of them enter the building. SpongeBob teleports to the reception desk and gives the three kids a room key.
“Now don't lose this, these keys are very expensi-” SpongeBob is interrupted by the kids cheering and rushing over to their rooms with the key. “I guess they're excited. I haven't even told them about the pool yet.”
“POOL?!” Patrick yells.
“Yeah, there's a pool out back,” SpongeBob replies. “It's usually just for the homeless, but since you've helped me you can use it.”
“WAHOO!” Patrick screams as he runs to the back of the building, and loud splashes can be heard.
“I hope he doesn't flood the room.”
Just then, someone knocks on the door. SpongeBob looks outside to see a haggardly homeless guy shivering with a twitching eye.
“C-can I come in?” the guy asks nervously.
“Certainly sir!” SpongeBob says, and he unlocks the door for him. The homeless guy hesitantly walks inside. SpongeBob then gives him his room key.
“T-thanks!” the homeless guy says happily as he walks into his new room.
SpongeBob then sighs in happy relief.
“I think this'll go well,” he says to himself.
A montage starts. In it, multiple people knock on the doors to the hotel, and SpongeBob lets them all in, even including some of the richer-looking ones. The montage then ends as SpongeBob wipes his forehead.
“That guy’s got cash,” Patrick points out.
“Not like that could buy someone a home around here,” SpongeBob says as the semi-rich looking guy walks past him with visible cash in his pockets.
“I know I'm usually not the one with common sense, but something seems wrong here.”
“Are you kidding? Things are going great! People are enjoying the pool…”
Pan over to several people playing in the pool, playing happily. However, some of the people aren't letting the others hop in with them.
“Segregation? In the pool? What kind of sorcery is this?” SpongeBob says, afraid. “Well, that's just one problem. Surely that's all there is that needs resolving.”
Heavy footsteps nearby are then heard, along with muffled yelling.
“I think I just heard the b word,” Patrick says.
“We say barnacles all the time, Patrick.”
“No, the OTHER b word.”
“Dear Neptune! What are we gonna do?”
“I dunno, evaluate everyone?”
“I know you mean evacuate but that's a much better idea.”
“We need to figure out if everyone here is ACTUALLY homeless.”
“Well why don't we scan everybody?”
“Patrick, that's a… genius idea. I swear you're not usually this smart.”
Patrick then farts.
“I'm not usually this FART, either.” Patrick then giggles.
“Aaaand it's gone. No idea how we're going to scan everyone though.”
Bubble transition to SpongeBob with a megaphone.
“Attention all homeless hotel members!”
This gets the attention of most of the hotel residents, except for a few who completely ignore it.
“Believe it or not, not everyone here seems to actually be homeless. This hotel is for homeless people ONLY. You understand?”
The ones paying attention nod their heads.
“Good. Now’s the time to do the charitable thing and leave if you do have a home.”
Nobody budges.
“Uh, if you do leave, I'll give you an entire bag of Gucci clothing!”
Several of the citizens flock towards the exit in excitement, and SpongeBob locks the doors shut.
“I gotta say, Patrick, that was way easier than I thought,” he says. “Almost… too easy.”
“I guess a stopwatch is right three times a night… or something like that,” Patrick says as a mooing sound effect is played.
“Well, crisis averted. I wonder how the real homeless people are doing. I'm gonna go check on our first residents.”
SpongeBob goes up to the door where the three kids are staying and knocks on the door. No noise is heard from the inside.
“Huh. Must be asleep,” he says.
Patrick approaches SpongeBob. “Something smells really bad over there.” He points towards the door where the homeless guy’s room is.
“No big deal,” SpongeBob tells him. “I'll just get some good ol’ Shower in a Can. Gets someone in good hygiene in a jiffy.”
“Okay, no, I don't like that,” Patrick says.
“Too late, buddy.” SpongeBob approaches the door, and knocks on it. “Hello? Homeless guy?”
On the other side of the door, kids are heard yelling.
“Dang Neptune! Child endangerment!” SpongeBob instantly breaks down the door to see what is going on. “Wow, if only I remembered to do that while doing karate- GOOD GOD!”
The three kids from earlier are seen dangling from a fishing line, which is being held by the homeless guy. Below the kids is a soup cauldron, already filled with carrots.
“Carrots?! He's making soup out of them!” SpongeBob yells.
Patrick approaches and yells as well.
“Can I join?” Patrick asks nonchalantly.
“Oh yeah, only if you want the bitter taste of death,” SpongeBob replies.
The homeless guy cackles as he slowly lowers the fishing rod, making the kids go lower and closer to the soup.
“I'm not ready to be lunch meat!” one of the kids screams.
“If I'm turning into pasghetti I'm happy,” one of the other kids says.
“Shut up, we gonna die!” the first kid says.
“Okay, calm down kids, we’ll get you outta there,” SpongeBob assures them.
The homeless guy cackles again, and one of his teeth starts shining.
“Is that a gold tooth?” SpongeBob says.
The homeless guy cackles even louder, making the kids squirm.
“Dang it, why is everything here made of butter?!” Patrick complains. “Why can't I have a gold tooth?”
“Well, Patrick, people don't ge-”
“I. NEED. THAT. TOOTH!” Patrick then charges at the homeless guy, not only knocking out his gold tooth, but all of his teeth in the process. The guy lays on the ground, defeated. SpongeBob grabs his fishing rod and reels it in, freeing the kids in the process.
“Good luck eating minors now, old guy!” SpongeBob then immediately looks regretful. “That sounds terrible out of context.”
Cut to Perch Perkins in front of the homeless hotel building, which now has DO NOT CROSS tape surrounding the entire perimeter.
“Breaking news! Infamous cannibal predator known for disguising as a homeless man strikes charity once again. I swear, will people learn to not be charitable around here? It only helps the bad people take advantage of it,” he reports.
SpongeBob is now seen watching this news report on the TV with a confused look on his face.
“I doubt that EVERYONE in New Kelp City is that bad. Surely that can't be the case.”
Perch Perkins has now moved onto another news report. “Also in recent news, popcorn is now New Kelp City’s official town vegetable, replacing the sea cucumber.”
“I take that back, this is disgraceful!” SpongeBob says.
“Yeah!” Patrick agrees. “They should've made it belly button lint.”
“Um that's not a vegetable. Or even edible?”
“That's what the eel government WANTS you to think.”
“I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.”
“Well, SpongeBob, what do we do now?” Patrick asks.
SpongeBob promptly turns off the TV and turns it around so the screen is facing the wall.
“That's what,” SpongeBob answers confidentially.
“That's fair,” Patrick says as the episode ends.
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