The Untitled Dread

As I sat there oh so still, 
As I sat there my sinking will.
Never stopped descending down, 
Never even made a sound.
In its descent when I realized, 
That the world is despised.
But this surely cannot end, 
So I now with my pen.
To recount those long lost joys, 
That can be found within this ploy.
That is the book I shall recite, 
Though it will take all my might. 
To summarize the life of those,
That took their life and made it close.
* Day 1 - Beginnings - when it had just begun
“This is the day I hunted and killed it. That frail, impudent animal thought it deserved life, but I knew better. Once I finished with the carcass however, things began to change. Specifically, my feeding began to coincide with my mental decay. Unfortunately, my actions have caused my mind, I feel, such damage that it could no longer safely exist." 
The day it started marks the time,
That the mind did decline. 
But you, the reader need not fear, 
Though these times drawing near. 
For you my friend need to try, 
To develop a strong tie.
To what you believe and know is true, 
Or this will happen to even you?
* Day 21 - Recompense
“What makes me feel regular in my chaotic state? A pattern. Anyways, today marks the day that I went further, deeper into the abyss than anyone I know. For I killed no stranger, but a friend. Though it was an animal, it marks a renewal to that feeling of guilt that was slowly escaping from my tender grasp.” 
Feeling lost and feeling gained, 
Can drive one insane. 
Even to the point of no return, 
Never wanting to relearn. 
The aspects that we need to know, 
For our minds to always grow.
For our minds will exhaust, 
When we seek what is lost. 
So don’t go seeking what can’t be found,
Else you'll end up in the ground.
* Day 28 - Validation
"The hunger is burning once more, but now animals don’t suffice the urge for guilt. My addiction continues to force me down the path when none have returned. This time it wasn’t forced upon, but accepted. For, my companion knew my hunger couldn’t die, so he gave himself for my feeding. This event has brought guilt, that burning desire inside, is finally fed.”
Changing victims marks the day, 
That his hunger began decay. 
In his mind it is now lost,
For his mind cannot cross.
The boundary he overstepped, 
By slaying a one who kept.
Him at bay it was his friend, 
That so willingly met his end.
* Day 42 - Vindication
“Consume me time, yet I am not ready. Always my enemy, taking away my pleasure of feeling something normal, guilt. Though for most that agonizing pain called remorse tears their very being apart, for me it’s my life. Guilt, the knowledge that someone else is suffering just as much as me, feeds me. Yet, I cannot feed off everyone; that is why my parents are dead.”
Some cannot suffer the same end,
That was suffered from a friend. 
So those who are loved so much, 
Have to feel that same rush. 
That came upon the friend that died, 
Though others have tried. 
To escape his ravenous gaze, 
Though it was just a race. 
Against time, they cannot win, 
Which is why it’s with a pen. 
That I write the memoirs of, 
One who killed out of love.
* Day 56 - Desperation
“Take away the feeling, time I hope it is enough. Yet time has finished its effect, what once was so lavishly imposed upon me has now diminished. So much so that nothing save from my own error can cause it to reanimate.”
The time that nothing can make one feel, 
About the things that one did kill.
Is not something we all can say,
That we did participate.
But the truth behind all of this, 
That there is something we will risk.
To get the reward, 
Though we cannot afford. 
To receive the pleasure it gives, 
In our live it sure lives.
Manifesting its belief,
That we need to cause mischief. 
To receive what we do want, 
Or else it will sure taunt.
Our very being to never cease,
Until we rest in peace.
* Day 63 - Discretion
“My life has now have been subjugated to a place where I cannot be found. Yet they do not understand that prison cannot effect one who is empty.”
Those who were so careless to,
Be forced to conclude.
Their life that was so young, 
Yet it’s there that they belong.
Though death might not meet them now,
They are there until the shroud.
Covers their form when they die,
For they cannot survive.
Knowing about what they did, 
That is why they sure hid. 
Immersing themselves with that guilt, 
That comes when one has spilt.
The blood of man they have died,
If not in person then inside.
* Day 1 - Repetition - it began anew within a different form
"My very being says this cannot conclude for story must continue, yet there is no way. Unless the story cannot end if it never began, only continues. For it is over…"
Reread this story and you will see, 
Something that was meant to be.
Hidden from the first look, 
Hidden even from this book.
For if you piece together words,
They will together work.
To form a sentence such,
That can be concluded in a rush.
To mean the following, 
About the authors very being.
"This is what makes the hunger consume me, take away my life my very being for it is over."
Category:Mental Illness
Category:Diary/Journal
Category:Poetry