None's Fair in Money and School

The fifteenth and final chapter of Total Drama School, posted on January 1, 2011. Carson and Sharissa face off in one final challenge... and who knows what'll happen after that?
==Story==
"Last time on Total... Drama... School, the final three battled it out in the Gym, while wearing math costumes! The challenge itself was actually pretty short, but, when the remaining three weren't beating each other up, Carson made his moves on Amanda! Yeah, that's right! They kissed! Amanda didn't really want to, but Carson's not-so-manly charms let them. In the end, with the help of Carson, Sharissa voted out Amanda, leaving the crazy, deranged psychopath against the funny, smooth, joker in the final two! Who will win the million dollar prize? And who will fail miserably, with no consolation prize whatsoever? Fnd out right now on Total... Drama... Schooool!"
Confessional (Carson): Dude, I can't believe it. I'm in the final two! So, when I first signed up for this thing, my mom said it wasn't a good idea, because I'd probably get picked off first or something like that. Then, my friend Connor made this stupid audition tape for me, and I was sorta happy, but nervous, because I knew I wouldn't get far. But now, I' in the final two! WOO-HOO! I know Sharissa will still win, but who cares? Second place is beter than 12th.
Confessional (Sharissa): Prepare to go down, Carson! I'm a black belt in karate, a professional-ish guitarist, and I know 57 swear words! I just hope it's not a 'make-the-losers-vote-for-the-winner' thing, because Carson is so much more popular than me. I don't care, though. He's gonna go down.
Confessional (Carson): I really hope it's one of those 'make-the-losers-vote-for-the-winner' things, because I'm so much more popular than Sharissa.
Confessional (Sharissa): I bet he's rambling on and on right now about how he's so much more popular. But who cares? I'm still gonna win.
The two finalists walk out of the confessionals, and see Chris. "Greetings, final two!" says Chris. "Today's challenge will be an extreme obstacle course highlighting every challenge from this season! But first, let's see who the losers want to win."
The School Bus of Losers pulls up, with all of the eliminated contestants.
"Let's start out with Ricky," Chris says.
Ricky waddles out of the bus, and says, "Sup, guys?"
"Who would you like to win, Ricky?" asks Chris.
"Um... well, I don't really know either of 'em that well, because I was first voted off, but I'm gonna support the girl, because she was on my team. Gotta stick up for a former Apple." Ricky stumbles away and sits on Sharissa's support bleacher.
"All right..." says Chris. "Next up, Emilee."
Emilee comes out of the bus. "Hello, Chris. I would like to support Sharissa."
She walks normally to Sharissa's support bleacher.
"Way to be bland, Emilee." says Chris. "Next up, let's see Kurt."
Kurt steps out of the bus. "Y'know, Chris," he says, "I gotta support Carson. He's my bro from the Rulers. I sorta knew he was gonna get this far. So, I have to support him."
Kurt jogs over to Carson's support bleacher.
"Next up..." says Chris, "Helga."
Helga comes out reading a new book. "Carson." she says without looking up. "Sharissa's a jerk."
She walks up to Carson's support bleacher.
"The next loser is Veronica."
Veronica comes out growling. "I'm gonna say Sharissa. Carson likes Amanda, which is an instant no-no for me."
She stomps over to Sharissa's support bleacher.
"And... oh, lord." says Chris. "Devin."
"Yo, yo, yo, peepity peep peep peeps! I's gon' hafta say my homedawg Carson, 'cuz he's mah Brotha, an' he's coo'."
"I didn't understand a word you just said, Devin." says Chris. "But okay."
"Me an' mah saggin' pants is gon' support Carson for th' win, yo!" Devin says.
He swaggers to Carson's support bleacher.
"What?" says Chris. "All right, next up, let's see Gary."
Gary comes out of the bus. "Hey, Chris." he says. "Over 9000!"
"So, Gary," says Chris. "Who are you gonna support for the win?"
"I have to go for Carson," says Gary, "Because he's my former Brotha. He's gonna win, I know it!"
Gary waddles over to Carson's support bleacher.
"Next up is Meg, our girl-jock." says Chris. "Let's see who she supports."
Meg sprints out of the bus. "Hey, Chris." she says. "I'm gonna support Sharissa for the win. Carson's fine, but I love how Sharissa was one of the good girls on my team."
She sprints over to Sharissa's support section.
Gary sees Meg sitting in Sharissa's section. "Can I switch?" he says.
"Nope." says Chris. "I thought you hated Sharissa!"
"Well, yeah, I do, but I want to be with Meg." says Gary.
"Sorry, bud." says Chris. "Next is Alex."
An intern walks out of the bus carrying an asleep Alex. The intern says, "Alex here wants to support Sharissa."
Chris looks warily at Alex. "Okay." he says. "How are we going to..."
Alex wakes up, walks slowly to Sharissa's support bleacher, and falls back asleep.
"Never mind." says Chris. "And last but not least, Amanda, who was just voted off yesterday."
Amanda sulks out of the bus. "I hate 'em both."
"Well, you have to support one." says Chris.
"No, you want me to, but I don't have to." says Amanda.
"All right then. Don't support anyone." says Chris angrily. "Contradict me. See how I care."
Amanda walks in between the two bleachers, and grabs a stick and a photo of her from her pocket. She tapes the photo onto the stick, and says, "This is my support section."
"You're not in the final two," says Chris.
"Don't care." says Amanda.
"All right," says Chris, "So, there's four votes for Carson, five votes for Sharissa, and one vote for neither. So that means..."
Carson and Sharissa stare at each other.
"Nothing!" says Chris. "The vote was simply to see who the losers wanted to win. I already said that there was going to be a challenge."
Sharissa groans, and Carson says, "YESSS!"
"Your challenge will start in about five minutes." says Chris. "The two of you will line up at the starting line, and go your separate ways. The forest from that one challenge will be your battleground, where interns and Chef will present challenges based off of past ones. So, who's ready for a challenge?"
"Us." say Carson and Sharissa.
"Well then..." says Chris, "GO!"
Carson and Sharissa take their separate paths. First, Carson comes up to an intern at the beginning of the forest.
"Your challenge is simple," says the intern. "You must make a potion."
"All right..." says Carson.
Five minutes later, he finally makes the potion.
"I will test it now." says the intern. He drinks the potion, and falls over.
"Good enough," says Carson, and runs away into the forest.
He says to himself, "This is easy."
Sharissa comes to Chef, in a referee outfit. Chef says, "Beat me in a game of dodgeball." and grins evilly.
"That sounds dangerous," says Sharissa.
"Just do it!" says Chef.
Sharissa picks up a dodgeball, and so does Chef. They begin to chuck balls at each other, and finally, Sharissa gets knocked out.
"Ha!" says Chef. "You lost to me. So, that means you have to stay here until you beat me."
"Not if I can help it!" says Sharissa. She kicks Chef in the crotch, pummels him with dodgeballs, and sprints away. "You are no match for me!" she shrieks. "Ha-haaa!"
Carson comes to another intern. "What's my challenge?" says Carson.
"Translate what I'm saying from Spanish into English." says the intern.
"I don't really know Spanish." says Carson.
"I don't really care." says the intern. "Carson es una cabeza de caca."
:"Um..." thinks Carson. "I know caca means poop, and cabeza is... Way to be immature. Carson is a poopy head."
"You got it." says the intern. "Now, that was too easy. Chris said to make the challenge hard."
"What are you talking about? I already decoded some language I don't even know!" says Carson. "That hard enough for you?"
"That was hard," says the intern, "But Chris wants harder."
"All right..." mutters Carson. "What do you mean?"
"I mean rock, paper, scissors." says the intern.
"That ain't hard." says Carson. He pauses for a moment, then says, "...Let's do it."
Carson picks rock, the intern picks scissors.
"That was actually quite easy." says Carson. He runs away before the intern can catch him.
Meanwhile, Sharissa comes to another intern in the depths of the forest.
"Whaddya want?" says Sharissa.
"Draw a perfect portrait of me." says the intern.
"But you're so butt-ugly!" says Sharissa.
"Who cares?" says the intern. "Just do it."
A while later, Sharissa finishes her picture. "Did it," she says.
"Let me judge it." says the intern. He looks at the picture, and it is just a smiley face.
"This isn't art!" he shrieks. "I demand a re-draw!"
"Naaah, I'm good." says Sharissa, and sprints into the bushes.
Carson gets to Chris, who says, "Hello, Carson. Glad you made it this far. Your challenge is to have a food fight against me, Chef..."
Chef steps out of the bushes and grins evilly.
"...and Ricky." Ricky toddles out of the bushes.
"Aw, crap." says Carson.
"Fighters get ready..." says Chris. "Go!"
Carson picks up a hamburger off the ground and throws it at Chris. He gets knocked out, and shrieks, "My beautiful haaaaair!" Ketchup is all over his head.
"That's what you get!" says Carson. "Now, to defeat Ricky." He grabs a stick and sprints towards Ricky. His stick hits Ricky in the chest.
"Oof!" says Ricky. "My friggin' balls!"
"Again, that's what you get." says Carson. "And now, for Chef."
Carson runs past Chef.
"Hey!" says Chef. "That ain't fair. Get back here at once!"
Carson ignores him and disappears from sight.
Sharissa, elsewhere, runs into an intern.
"Greetings, tall girl." says the intern. "Your challenge is based off of challenge seven from this season."
"Kay..." says Sharissa.
"You must answer some questions about the challenge." says the intern.
"Kay..." says Sharissa again.
"First question." says the intern. "What was the button order you had to press for Gary's cheat?"
Sharissa thinks for a moment. "I got it." she says. "A, B, A, C, A, C, Z, X, B, C."
"Good job." says the intern. "Next up, who got eliminated in this challenge and why?"
"Helga," says Sharissa, "Because she got all insane when we didn't choose her book."
"Amazing job." says the intern.
"Thank you." says Sharissa. "Now can I go?"
"Uh, uh, uh!" says the intern. "One more question."
"All right." grumbles Sharissa.
"What book did the Screaming Rulers act out?" says the intern.
"Journal of a Timid Child," says Sharissa almost immediately.
"You may pass." says the intern gladly.
"THANKS!" says Sharissa, and runs away. "Finally! It's about time!"
Carson does a dueling challenge with Chef, and is held back for a while to wait for Chef's phone to go off.
Sharissa then gets to another intern, and she has to beat him in a video game called "Super Alberto".
Carson and Sharissa then meet up.
"Hey." says Carson. "How were the challenges?"
"Pretty pathetic." says Sharissa. "You?"
"Meh... easy." says Carson. "Wait a sec, you're my opponent!" He sprints away, but is blocked by Chef with a chainsaw.
Carson gulps. "Is this the recess challenge?"
Chef nods his head.
"Is that a real chainsaw?" says Carson.
Chef nods his head.
"RUN!" screams Carson, and the two run away, passing an intern with question cards, the purple and green striped bear from the forest, and some math costumes. They finally get back to the courtyard, where the eliminated contestants are all cheering.
"Who's gonna win?" says Chris. "Let's look!"
The losers begin to cheer even more.
Sharissa pulls ahead of Carson, but gets tired out, so she is passed by him again. She then gets ahead, and...
The two cross the finish line at the exact same time!
"Darn it!" says Chris. "Well, that means it's time for a tiebreaker."
"Aw, nuts." says Sharissa.
Confessional (Sharissa): And here I thought I was gonna win!
Confessional (Carson): Thank you, Chris! Thankyouthankyouthankyou! Sharissa would've smoked my butt if it weren't for you.
"Your tiebreaker is simple," says Chris. "The two of you will be placed on a large platform with large foam mallets. You will pick up the mallets, and try to knock each other off of the platform, which will be 50 feet in the air. Kinda like extreme King of the Hill. So, the person who knocks out the other person wins the million. Oh, and each of you can choose a helper. Sharissa, you can choose first."
"I pick Alex." says Sharissa.
Alex lazily walks over to her. "Why'd you pick me?" he asks. "You know I'm just gonna sleep."
"I can use you as a weapon..." says Sharissa evilly.
"And Carson, you can pick." says Chris.
"I pick Gary!" says Carson. "Get up here, bro."
"Thanks, man!" says Gary. "Over 9000! Sharissa's goin' down!"
"Oh, so it's me and my secret weapon against Cars' and some little nerd?" says Sharissa. "This'll be tough."
"Are you ready?" says Chris. "Get set... Go!"
Carson hands the mallet to Gary. "Here, bro! Take this. I gotta take some down time."
Gary charges at Sharissa, and knocks her in the crotch. "OWIE!" she shrieks. She falls backwards, but Alex stops her.
"You have to win!" says Alex. "I can't let some idiots win!"
Carson and Gary stare at him, then knock him off of the platform.
"ALEEEEX!" she shrieks. "You two will pay."
Sharissa runs at Gary, and gets into a slap fight with him. Carson is just innocently watching. "Y'know, I'm your opponent." he says.
Sharissa looks up at him, and charges. Carson jumps up, and she misses. She falls off of the platform.
"I won!" says Carson. He then notices that she is still hanging on.
"I take that back." says Carson gloomily.
Sharissa jumps back up and says, "It won't be that easy, bub!"
Gary comes up from behind and whacks her with his mallet. She faints dead away.
"Good job, bro!" says Carson, and gives Gary a high-5.
After many minutes of plans and plotting, Sharissa gets back up. "This isn't over yet!" she says.
"Oh, yeah?" says Carson sassily. He then whispers, "Gary, now!"
"Wha?" says Sharissa.
Gary comes flying from the sky, and lands on Sharissa's head. He clamps onto it, and Sharissa begins to stumble about blindly.
"Will-- someone-- get-- this-- little-- nerd-- off-- of-- me?" says Sharissa. She begins to stumble so much, she falls off of the platform and onto the trampoline at the bottom!
"Huh..." says a dazed Sharissa. "Wha' happened...?"
Chris looks overjoyed. Carson and Gary drop down from the platform. "Congratulations, Carson, the winner of Total... Drama... Schooool!"
Everyone comes up to Carson and gives him a hug. They hoist him and Gary up on their shoulders. Carson sees Amanda next to him.
"Hey," he says.
"Shut up." says Amanda.
"You're just mad that you lost in the final three round, aren't you?" says Carson.
"Not really." says Amanda. "Well..." She hugs Carson.
"Ooooooo!" says Gary. Carson breaks free of Amanda and says to Gary, "Good job, dude!" He gives Gary a pat on the back.
Sharissa then comes up and says, "Good work... I guess."
"Thanks." says Carson. "Hey, Devin."
Devin comes swaggering up to Carson. "Ya did it, homes!" he says. "Ya de'feeted dat weirdo shawty, yo! You's gon' be th' captain of the Bling Brothas, word!"
"Um... I don't know what you just said, but thanks." says Carson.
Later, Chris gathers up all of the students at the Main Lobby. "We now can celebrate Carson, the winner of Total Drama School!"
Everyone, even Amanda, cheers.
"And also, a pleasant surprise." says Chris. "Carson, come outside to grab your money."
Chris leads Carson outside. "There it is," says Chris. But, instead of any money, there's a bear with some dollar bills hanging out of its mouth. It sheepishly grins.
Carson begins to stutter. "M-mm-mmm-my money... was stolen... by a BEAR?"
"Sorry, kiddo." says Chris.
Back at the Main Lobby, Chris says, "Carson's money was eaten by a bear. So, the producers, Chef, and I have just come up with a new idea... Total Drama: Tiki Jungle!"
Everyone groans, and some cursing is heard.
"Not everyone will make it, though." he says. "It's sort of obvious that Carson and Sharissa will, since Sharissa was the runner-up and Carson won nothing."
Carson and Sharissa step onto the School Bus of Losers.
"Also, Amanda. Every season needs a good antagonist, and you're the perfect person to stir up drama. And, your relationship with Carson is funny." says Chris.
Amanda steps onto the School Bus of Losers.
"Alex, Gary, and Meg. Alex, you were known for your sleepiness, Gary is just funny, and Meg, you're a fan favorite." says Chris.
The three step onto the bus.
"I am also sorry to say, that Devin has made it." says Chris angrily.
"Yo, yo, foo'! I's gon' win dis new season-y thang!" says Devin, and steps on the bus.
"And the final person who will advance onto the next season is..." says Chris.
"...Helga."
Helga steps onto the bus.
"Well, that was the first season for you, folks!" says Chris. "Tune in next time for some more fun, and eight newbies, on Total... Drama... Tiki, Tiki Jungle!"
"I won!" says Carson.