The Bunker List/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "The Bunker List".
== ==
(At his bunker, Branch is trying to reorganize his rations with Gary.)
Branch: How should we reorganize these rations today, Gary? Alphabetical? By color? (Gary lets out a crackle.) By taste? Someone’s feeling playful.
Poppy: (From outside) Branch? (She knocks on the door.) Branch! (Branch appears at the door.) I’ve got a surprise for you, Branch.
Branch: Poppy, I believe I’ve been very clear on how I feel about surprises. (Poppy grabs him with her hair.) Hey, hey! No! (Poppy takes him to a cave.) Whoa! (Poppy drops him out of her hair.) Oof! Poppy, where are w- (Poppy covers his mouth with her hair.)
Poppy: Shh. (The camera reveals that they are at a mic poetry slam. Biggie and Mr. Dinkles are on the stage.)
Biggie: (Plucking flower petals) One when you’re calm, one when you’re fidgety, one to show courage and one to show sympathy. My life’s soundtrack. This is my symphony.
Mr. Dinkles: Meep.
Troll #1: Yeah! That was cool, man!
Branch: (groans) Poetry slam? Did you set this up to-
Poppy: Cross something off your Bunker List? Yep. (She takes out the book.) Item number 12 is “Bare your soul in verse.”
Branch: You always carry a copy of that with you?
Poppy: Of course! I was so proud of you that day you decided to make it. (We go to a flashback where Poppy and Branch are hanging from a branch in mid-air.)
Past Branch: I’ve wasted my life in a hole, Poppy! If we get through this, I swear I’ll make a list of all the Troll experiences I missed out on and do them all. (Poppy smiles.) You hear me, world?! If we live, I’m gonna be a better Troll! (The branch breaks and he and Poppy land safely.)
Past Poppy and Branch: Oh. (We go back to the present.)
Poppy: It was so inspiring, you turning over a new leaf, to have more fun and connect with the Troll community.
Branch: Well, yeah, that’s the goal. But this…
Biggie: (With tears in his eyes) Thank you. Thank you. (The audience snaps their fingers.)
Branch: … is just too touchy-feely, too soon. Let me work up to it.
Smidge: Here we go again.
Branch: What’s that supposed to mean?
Smidge: Everyone’s tried to help you do items on that list, Branch, but you never follow through.
Guy Diamond: We’re all for you being a better Troll, but it’s pretty clear that you don’t actually intend to do it. (Some Trolls murmur.)
Troll #2: Ain’t that the truth.
Branch: What? Yes, I do. Check with me one year from now, I’ll have it all done.
Guy Diamond: Pfft! A year.
Smidge: Don’t hurt yourself rushing.
Branch: OK, a month.
Smidge: Where’s the fire?
Guy Diamond: Oh, please.
Branch: Fine. One day. (Poppy gasps in surprise along with the other Trolls.)
Smidge: Care to make a little wager?
Poppy: Branch, no. Do the list at your own pace.
Branch: Name it.
Guy Diamond: You do everything on that Bunker List by sunset, or you have to… spend an entire day dressed like a baby. (Branch gasps along with the other Trolls.)
Baby #1: Whoa.
Guy Diamond and Smidge: Hm.
Branch: Fine. But if I succeed, then you have to do it. (The crowd gaps again.)
Guy Diamond and Smidge: Deal! (They shake Branch’s hair with their hair.)
Smidge: (Taking out a camera) Pics or it didn’t happen.
Branch: Oh, it’s gonna happen. Starting now. (He runs up to the stage.) Fall came early. My sun was taken, so I locked myself inside. Restart. Fresh Start. Head start. Spring. Chains becomes strings. Lift up. Lift off. Rise. I am Branch. Bloom. There, bared my soul in verse. (He takes a picture of himself with the camera.) Branch out. (He drops the microphone and starts to leave, but Poppy stops him.)
Poppy: Hold on, Branch. Isn’t this against the spirit of the list? You were gonna be a better Troll.
Branch: And I still am, just very, very, quickly. Next item up, “Catch a Glitter Fish with local fishermen.” I’ll have it done in no time. (Later, he is at the pond. He still hasn’t caught a Glitter Fish and he grunts.) Come on! Give me a little nibble, you lousy birds of the sea. (A Glitter Fish jumps out of the water.) Hm? (The fish goes back in the water and he groans.)
Smidge: Off to a slow start, Branch? (She and Guy Diamond are on a boat.) Don’t let it get to you… baby. (She and Guy Diamond chuckle.)
Guy Diamond: Yeah, the day’s nearly half over. But you still got this… baby. (He and Smidge laugh again.)
Smidge: (Realizing she caught something) Branch, I got one for you! It’s a… it’s a… diaper!
Guy Diamond: And it’s just your size! (Smidge shoots the wet diaper in Branch’s face and he grunts. Smidge and Guy Diamond then leave on the boat laughing.) Priceless! (Branch grunts again and his fishing rod breaks in half.)
Branch: OK, think, Branch, think. This is taking too long, so to get the list done in time, you’re gonna need… (He hears splashing and sees Rufus fishing.)
Rufus: Sooie! Got myself a lunker!
Branch: … a shortcut. (He goes over to Rufus.) Hey, can I catch your fish?
Rufus: My fish? Well, surely, I’d be happy to pass on my rod.
Branch: (gasps) Yes!
Rufus: Along with the simple wisdom I’ve gained in my many years fishing.
Branch: What? No, I-
Rufus: Give a Troll a fish and he’ll have glitter for a day, but teach a Troll to fish and glitter, glitter, glitter.
Branch: (groans) You got to be kidding me. (Rufus huddles next to him.)
Rufus: Red Sky at night, fisherman’s delight. Red Sky at morning, fishermen-
Branch: Take warning, got it. Please, just-
Rufus: Now, hold on. This is my favorite part. (He breathes and sings a song.)
(Rufus)
Bubbly, bubbly, bubbly, boop
The fish jumped in the soup
And the worm said- (Branch sees a pink female Troll with her child fishing.)
Branch: Look! A young Troll in search of a salt-of-the-earth father figure!
Rufus: Where? I’m coming, son! (He drops his fishing rod as he runs off and Branch catches it.)
Branch: Success! (He pulls on the rod and a Glitter Fish comes out. He cries out as it lands on him. Then he crawls out.) Item number 2, check. (He takes a picture.) Now, which shortcut is next? (We cut to where Branch is learning how to play a triangle.) “Learn a new musical instrument.” (He plays the triangle very fast and takes a picture. Then he takes out a book.) “Read a Trollmance novel cover to cover.” (He rips all of the pages in the book to the end.) “Chapter 1: The Handsome Stranger.” The end. (He takes another picture.) “Turn a frown upside down.” (He goes over to Keith how dropped his ice cream and turns him upside down. Then he takes a picture.) “Serenade a friend.” (He plays a guitar near Biggie.) Serenade! (As soon as Biggie turns around, Branch takes a picture. Then he runs off dropping the guitar.) “Trust a stranger with a deep secret.” (He whispers to the baby in Gia’s arms and it wails.) I know. I’m not proud of it either. (Gia roars at him as he takes a picture. He does more pictures like catching a butterfly and washing Cooper.) In the end, he is relaxing while reading a book. (Poppy, Smidge, and Guy Diamond come by.) Oh, hey, guys.
Guy Diamond: Well, well, well. Looks like someone’s given up on the bet.
Branch: Actually, no. I was just taking a little breather before I finish my last item. (Smidge and Guy Diamond gasp.)
Poppy: Branch, please tell me you didn’t speed through that entire list.
Branch: OK, I won’t. I’ll let these pics tell you for me. (He throws the pictures toward Guy Diamond and Smidge.)
Guy Diamond: No! If he does them all, that means… (He and Smidge imagine they are dressed up like babies while a crowd of Trolls laughs at them.)
Smidge: Oh, my Guh.
Branch: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to… “Host a backyard slumber party.” (He puts the book in his hair and takes out a diaper.) Later… (He throws the diaper on Smidge.) … babies.
Poppy: Branch, don’t try to cram an entire slumber party in the next half hour. It’s not the point, and it’s not even possible.
Branch: We’ll see about that. (Biggie, DJ Suki, Cooper, Satin and Chenille are sitting on the grass and talking. Soon, Branch arrives.) Thank you for coming to my slumber party. (He blows a party horn.) That was the party. Next we slumber. Then we take a picture. Break!
Biggie: Um… Branch, we thought we’d get to do all the usual slumber party activities, like tell stories.
DJ Suki: And have pillow fights.
Satin: And do makeovers.
Chenille: And pull pranks. (Branch sighs and looks at the sunset.)
Branch: (groans) Fine. Circle up. It’s story time. (The Snack Pack cheer and move closer to him while still sitting down.) One day, there was a Troll who had to do something. He did it. The end. (The Snack Pack groans and move away.)
DJ Suki: Uh… Branch, that story was kind of- (Branch hits her with a pillow.)
Branch: Pillow fight! So much fun! Ha-ha-ha!
Satin: Whoa, Branch!
Chenille: Ease up!
Branch: No time! Now, who wants makeovers? (He throws avocado sauce on Satin and Chenille’s faces along with cucumbers.)
Biggie: Hey!
Branch: Now pranks. (He comes over to Cooper with a pie and hits his own face with it.) You got me. Nice one, Cooper! Ha-ha-ha! (He picks up Cooper.) Let’s hit the sack! Go, go, go! (The Snack Pack is pushed into their leaf sleeping bags.)
Cooper: Whoa!
Satin and Chenille: Whoa!
DJ Suki: Whoa!
Mr. Dinkles: Meep. (Branch gets in his sleeping bag and pretends to sleep. Then he wakes up.) Rise and shine, gang! Picture time! Let’s go! Hurry, hurry! Now smile. (He tries to get his camera from his hair, but realizes that it is missing.) Wait. Where did the camera go?
Satin: We thought your prank was pretty lame, Branch.
Chenille: So we came up with a better one.
Biggie: We hid your camera!
Branch: (groans) No, no! The sun is setting! (He goes to look for his camera.) Camera. Where’s the camera?! (He yelps as a tongue grabs him. Then he runs at high speed.) Where’s the camera?! (He screams as a monkey-like creature hugs him.)
Cooper: (As Branch sneaks) You’re getting warmer. Warmer. (Branch finds his camera on a mushroom.)
Branch: Here it is!
Cooper: Ooh! Hot! Hot! (A light flashes on the camera. Then it screams, croaks, and hops away. Branch grunts angrily.) Ooh! Hot! Hot! (The camera zooms out to reveal him holding a pot of soup over a fire bug.) Soup’s ready! Wait. What were you doing? (Branch grunts and grabs him by the face.)
Branch: Cooper, please, you do not know what’s at stake here.
Cooper: (Holding out a plate of steak) Huh? (Branch knocks the plate out of his hand and it shatters.)
Branch: Where is the camera?!
DJ Suki: (Holding the camera) Yeesh! Here, Branch, you can have it… if you can get it! (She throws the camera to Satin and Chenille. As Branch runs toward them, they send the camera flying into the air. The laughter and Cooper telling that the soup is ready echo in his mind. Branch then gets enraged.)
Branch: EVERYBODY, STOP GOOFING AROUND!!! (The camera lands next to him.) Everyone say… “Cheese.” (The Snack Pack gathers around and he takes a picture. Meanwhile, Guy Diamond, Poppy and Smidge are watching the sunset. Guy Diamond cackles.)
Smidge: It’s happening, Guy! He hasn’t done it yet!
Guy Diamond: The nightmare of dressing like a baby is over. In 3, 2…
Branch: (Dropping the book on a tree stump) Done! (Smidge, Poppy, and Guy Diamond gasp.)
Guy Diamond and Smidge: NOOOOOO! (They kneel down.)
Branch: Oh, yeah! See what happens when you mess with the Branch? You get… beaten by him in the bet you made. Wahoo! (He starts dancing.) And I beat you, and I beat you. (He goes over to Poppy.) And you weren’t really part of the bet, but you were kind of against the idea, so… (He blows a raspberry. Then he dances again. He stops to see an angry look on Poppy.) OK, what?
Poppy: This is a disaster.
Branch: What do you mean? I said I’d finish all the items, and I did.
Poppy: But the whole point of the list was to have more fun. And connect with the Troll community, right?
Branch: Yeah.
Poppy: (Moving the book closer) Does it look like anyone is having fun to you? (Branch looks through the book.)
Branch: I uh… kinda seriously blew it, didn’t I?
Poppy: Kinda. But it’s never too late to be a better Troll.
Branch: (sighs) Dumb maturing process. Guy, Smidge, I may not have really done the list after all. (Guy Diamond and Smidge stop crying.)
Smidge: Oh, my Guh? (Later that night, the rest of the Snack Pack is relaxing with their makeovers.)
Satin: Now this is a slumber party.
Poppy: Excuse me. (They get up and wipe their makeovers off.) Guys, Branch has something he’s like to say. (Branch does not appear.) Branch! (Branch comes out dressed like a baby and the Snack Pack gasps.)
Branch: (sighs) Guys, I really am sorry about the way I acted before. I hope you guys can find it in your hearts to- (The Snack Pack starts laughing.) Yeah, yeah. Come on, I’m trying to apologize. (The Snack Pack continues laughing.) I’m serious.
Cooper: Serious baby! (He falls to the ground along with DJ Suki, Satin and Chenille. Poppy, Guy Diamond, and Smidge laugh along with them.) 
Branch: Well, this is humiliating.
Poppy: But you’re a better Troll for it. (Branch looks at the Snack Pack laughing.)
Branch: I guess I do look pretty ridiculous. (He starts to do a funny dance.) Baby dance, baby dance! Baby dance and baby dance! (The Snack Pack laughs harder.) Goo-goo, ga-ga. Branchy-wanchy make boom-boom. (The Snack Pack moves toward the camera while still laughing pretty hard. Poppy then takes a picture.)
Poppy: “Help Branch become a better Troll.” (She closes her checklist.) Check!
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