New Kelp Lockdown

New Kelp Lockdown is the 7th episode of NKC's 3rd season. It premiered April 2nd 2022, and was written by Locknloaded23.
== Plot ==
With 2 escaped convicts and 1 serial killer on the loose, the city is put into lockdown. Meanwhile, Squilliam is hospitalized.
== Script ==
(Episode fades into Patchy sitting behind a window, with police officers outside; between his arm he is holding the neck of the businessman from the previous episode, who is still tied up, and Patchy is nonchalantly holding a gun)
Patchy: Ahoy! It’s me again, Patchy the Pirate! Thanks for tuning in to another episode of New Kelp City! 
Police Officer: LET GO OF THE HOSTAGE!
Patchy: (Jerks the man’s head, causing him to gag; shouting out window) MAKE ONE FUCKING MOVE AND I BLOW THIS FUCKER’S BRAINS OUT, AND YOU’LL BE FORCED TO WATCH ME FUCK HIS CORPSE! (Speaking to audience again) If you remember last episode, I- (Gunshot heard outside; Patchy once again screams out the window) YOU THINK I’M FUCKING JOKING? I AM FULLY PREPARED TO DO IT IF YOU DON’T MEET MY DEMANDS! (Talking to audience again) Sorry about that, folks! As I was saying, last episode, Squidward and Plankton escaped prison, and Squilliam was attacked by the strangler! What happens next? Well, let’s find out, on this episode of NKC!
(Fade to an NKC EAS Alert Screen)
EAS: THIS IS NOT A DRILL. I REPEAT, THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THE MAYOR HAS ISSUED A LOCKDOWN ON THE ENTIRE CITY, FOLLOWING THE ESCAPE OF 2 VERY DANGEROUS CRIMINALS, AND THE STRANGLER STILL BEING ON THE STREETS. DO NOT GO OUTSIDE. I REPEAT, DO NOT GO OUTSIDE. THE MAYOR HAS ISSUED THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT:
(Cut to the Mayor at a podium outside)
Mayor: People of New Kelp City, your lives may very well be on the line! 2 very dangerous Krillanon rioters, responsible for millions of dollars in damage to the city, and the Strangler are at large! I urge you all to stay inside your homes! Don’t even step outside, barricade your doors, and stay safe! The NKC Police Department are currently-
(The Strangler tackles the Mayor and strangles him to death live on TV; Zoom out to reveal a random citizen watching the broadcast in horror as he screams and runs around his house in fear; Cut to the outside, where the civilians are also running around in fear, trying to get out as fast as possible, and as the Strangler chases after some of them; Onscreen steps Squidward and Plankton, who are hiding in a dark alley)
Plankton: Great fucking plan, Squidward. Why on Earth would you think returning to this place would be a good idea?
Squidward: Hey, cut me some slack, man! The tikis-
Plankton: (Slaps Squidward) SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT THE TIKIS! THEY. DON’T. EXIST.
Squidward: YOU STILL DON’T KNOW SHIT, MAN! YOU DON’T KNOW JACK SHIT! (Looks to his right, notices the townsfolk screaming and running in fear) Hey, what the Hell is happening? 
Plankton: Hey, that’s a good question. Why is everyone in such hysterics?
Squidward: This reminds me of when we rallied downtown; they all ran in fear exactly like this!
Plankton: Okay, so we have a clear chance of escaping - we just need to run out the gates!
Squidward: Uh, no can do.
Plankton: What? Why not?
(Plankton peeks out and sees that the gates are sealed shut)
Plankton: What?! Why the hell are the doors shut?!
Squidward: Beats me, man! (Notices an ambulance pull up) Hey, what’s going on there?
(Cut to the ambulance; On a gurdey, Squilliam, still passed out, is being carried to the back of the ambulance)
Doctor: Why the hell are they making us do this during Lockdown?
Doctor 2: Man, I don’t know. 
Manray: (Runs onscreen) Is he going to be okay, doctor? 
Doctor 2: We won’t know until we bring him in.
Doctor: You can visit him if you want. I don’t care.
Doctor 2: Why’re you so cynical today?
Doctor: There’s a 96% chance I’m gonna die, Steve.
Doctor 2: Yeah, but-
Manray: ENOUGH TALKING, JUST PUT HIM IN!
Doctor: Impatient ass.
(They put Squilliam in the back and they drive off. Manray follows the ambulance, and Squidward is looking in awe)
Plankton: What’re you so happy about?
Squidward: You… You wouldn’t get it. (Gets a huge grin on his face, but loses it after he has a thought) Wait… He looked like he was strangled to death… Does that mean?
Plankton: Whatever you’re thinking about, quit it! We need to devise a plan to escape.
Squidward: Plankton, I really don’t think it’s safe. I think the strangler-
Plankton: The Strangler?? They put him behind bars ages ago, man! You’re just seeing things. Now shut up, and let’s devise a plan.
Squidward: Okay, but we need to stay out of the public. I don’t wanna be strangled tonight.
(Helicopter with huge searchlight flies across the street)
Squidward: That must be them looking for the Strangler. 
Plankton: (Notices piece of paper on the floor) What’s this here? (Reading) “WANTED ALIVE: Squidward Q. Tentacles and Sheldon J. Plankton”?! 
Squidward: Wait, that can’t mean-
Plankton: They’re not looking for the Strangler, they’re looking for US!
Squidward: Man, I was gonna say that. Way to steal my thunder.
Plankton: Listen, the more time we waste the more they’ll be looking. Let’s just discuss these plans.
(Squidward and Plankton huddle together; fade to Squilliam in the hospital, laying on the bed, with Manray and a doctor watching)
Doctor: You sure are lucky you brought him in before it was too late, uh… what’s that name?
Manray: It’s not important. 
Doctor: …right. Anyways, your friend is pretty lucky as well; It seems the Strangler didn’t finish the job on him. If he had been strangling him for another second, he’d be gone for sure.
Manray: So what, is it uncommon for him to not finish targets?
Doctor: He ALWAYS finishes the job. 
Manray: So…. Is Squilliam gonna live?
Doctor: Yes, it seems most likely.
Manray: Thank god. 
Doctor: That said, he probably will be out for quite a while. Maybe a week or two. I have no idea.
Manray: Aren't you a doctor?
Doctor: (shrugging) I dunno. (Walks off)
Manray: (Sighs) I guess I gotta just wait here then. (Sits next to Squilliam, visibly bored) 
(Fade back to downtown NKC; Strangler tackles and strangles another victim while Squidward and Plankton are still hiding)
Plankton: …And that's the basis of my plan! What do you think?
Squidward: That plan is a little too complicated, man. We are trying to get out of town, not escape prison.
Plankton: But we-
Squidward: Hey, I've got another plan.
Plankton: Yeah? (Under breath) can't be better than mine, you dumbass.
Squidward: Okay, I'll pretend I didn't hear that, and tell you. So, since I mentioned escaping prison, well… what if we escaped town the same way we escaped jail?
Plankton: Via molotov cocktails?
Squidward: Hell yes! I wanna see the fire! I wanna see the flames! I wanna smell the fumes! 
Plankton: Squidward, are you an arsonist?
Squidward: I am a lot of things, dude.
Plankton: Okay, so we escape NKC and then we get you psychiatric health. 
Squidward: Do you still have the cocktail we used to escape?
Plankton: Think about what you just asked me.
Squidward: (Thinks for a second) oh. Well… Maybe we’ll just have to make a new one.
Plankton: How hard can that be, really?
Squidward: We just gotta find a bum and steal their beer.
Plankton: Or… we could just dig through the trash.
Squidward: But those would be empty.
Plankton: Hmmm… true. 
Squidward: (Looks around, finds a sleeping bum; walks to him and is heard beating him up offscreen, and he walks onscreen covered in blood) That was easy!
Plankton: (shocked) HE WAS SLEEPING! OH MY GOD, YOU DID NOT NEED TO FUCKING KILL HIM! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Squidward: We killed thousands of people when we attended that rally, why is killing a bum where you draw the line?
Plankton: Just, never fucking mind; Let’s just get over to the god damn gates, I wanna go back and we are wasting too much time.
(Squidward and Plankton walk offscreen, but behind them is the Strangler following them, smirking and laughing; fade to Squilliam at the hospital, who begins waking up)
Squilliam: Ugh… Ow… I have the worst fucking headache. (Sees Manray next to him) Oh, hi, Manray.
Manray: You’re finally awake! I was getting really fucking bored waiting for you to wake up.
Squilliam: What happened, why am I here? Last thing I remembered, the Strangler was staring me in the face.
Manray: The Strangler attacked you, but thankfully, I guess he stopped when he saw someone else or something, so he never ended up killing you. I noticed you passed out so I called the hospital right away
Squilliam: Damn, how lucky am I?
Doctor: (Walks in) Oh good, you’re awake! That means I can tell both of you the bad news!
Manray: Uh… what’s the bad news?
Doctor: There actually was another Strangler victim who was recently admitted to the hospital.
Squilliam: Well… How is that a bad thing?
Doctor: The Strangler went to finish the job and strangled him to death last night.
Squilliam: WHAT?!
Doctor: Yeah, so he may be coming after you. Just thought I should tell ya.
Manray: WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US EARLIER???
Doctor: I just found out, cut me some slack! (Walking out) assholes.
(Squilliam pauses for a second, then breathes in deeply; A zoom-out of the hospital is shown as Squilliam screams at the top of his lungs)
(Static fills the screen as we see Patchy, still holding the hostage)
Patchy: Wow, weren’t that a great twist! How will Squilliam get out of this one? Tune in next time to find out! And there are only 2 more episodes until the thrilling finale! Goodbye, kids, and-
Police Officer: PLEASE, JUST TELL US YOUR DEMANDS!
Patchy: THAT’S IT, YOU FUCKING PIGS! YOU HAVE CUT ME OFF FOR THE LAST TIME!
(Patchy shoots the man in the head, and the screen cuts to static immediately after as the episode ends)
== Trivia ==
* This is the 2nd episode to completely reuse the titlecard from New Kelp Anarchy; the first being The Aftermath. (Technically the third, if you count Stranglin', which simply reused the background but not the actual titlecard).
Category:2022
Category:2022 Episodes
Category:2022 Transcripts
Category:Locknloaded23
Category:Episodes written by Locknloaded23
Category:Episodes
Category:Episode transcripts
Category:Transcripts
Category:NKC
Category:2020s