Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers Season 4 Complete Full Length Version by davemadson enterprises inc.

Sam: Ready, Dave?
Dave: Ready, Sam!
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(Looney Tunes intro without the rings)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: Where did the rings go?
Scotty: They went on strike, Sam.
Sam: Rings can't go on strike. They're under contract.
Mike: Contract rings?
Mary: Contract bridge?
Anna: I'm willing to cross the contract bridge.
(CB)
(Contract Bridge Pictures Inc.)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUP!!
Sam: Not "CB," "WB!" Get it right, you noodge!
Scotty: Tscha! I'm not a noodge, Sam!
(BW)
(Black and White Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: What's happening?
Hank: We're in black and white.
Harvey Zilth: Is the color man out sick?
Sidney: Maybe they cut back on expenses.
Sam: Scotty, get the color back into this picture, or else I'll beat you so hard you'd make Lazarus jealous!
Scotty: Then I'd be black and white and red all over!
Beulah: I wouldn't think of beating Scotty up, Sam. He'd be just like a newspaper!
Sam: Whatta you mean, like a newspaper?
Abby: He'd be black and white and read all over! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
They're just playing with your brains.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAP CRAP CRAP!
YOU GET THE COLOR BACK INTO THIS PICTURE RIGHT NOW
YOU ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
*BOOM!!*
Dave: Way to go, Sam! Your tantrum brought the color back into this picture!
Sam: Hurray for me.
(CW)
(Color Wheels Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Color wheels.
LH Michelle: Is that what they call heads of paint shops? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: If you don't bring up the proper logo, heads will start rolling.
(Microsoft Sam)
Dave: Whoa, Sam!
Mike: Look at that! Sam's head's in the rings!
Mary: That's using your head, Sam! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(Microsoft Mike)
Sam: Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! Now Mike's head's in the rings!
Anna: I have to admit, he looks good with his head in the rings.
(Microsoft Mary)
Scotty: Now Mary's head is in the rings.
Jimmy: We are becoming a studio full of ring heads.
(Microsoft Anna)
Hank: Now Anna's head is in the rings.
Harvey Zilth: Well, you know what they say.
Sidney: Four ring heads are better than one.
Sam: Shut up, Sidney!
(Scotty, Jimmy, Hank, Harvey Zilth and Sidney)
Beulah: Hey, I'm starting to like having heads in the rings.
Abby: This looks like fun. Can we get our heads in the rings?
Sam: Don't get any ideas, you two!
Dave: Steady, Sam!
(Beulah and Abby)
Sam: If anymore people's heads show up in the rings, I'm telling Mr. Warner on them.
(LH Michael and LH Michelle)
LH Michael: Hey Michelle, this is fun!
LH Michelle: I agree, Michael. Why don't we do this more often?
Sam: Get out of the rings!!
Mr. Warner: What's the matter, Sam?
Sam: Everyone keeps putting their heads inside the rings when the only thing that should be there is the shield!
Dave: Okay, Sam. You want the shield, you got the shield!
(The Shield)
Sam: Scotty, come here.
Scotty: Oh sludge! Another lecture?
Sam: Yes, another lecture. You never seem to know what logo belongs here, do you?
Scotty: I do so know what logo belongs here, Sam! Stop treating me like a second grade kid in school!
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? Fired!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS KEEP FIRING ME WHEN I'M TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING AROUND HERE?
YOU RE-HIRE ME THIS INSTANT
YOU SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH SONOFABITCH!!
*BOOM!!*
Sam: It won't do you any good to throw tantrums, Scotty! If you don't get out of here right this minute, I'm calling the cops!
Officer Flanigan: You sent for me, Sam?
Sam: Throw Scotty out of here, Officer Flanigan!
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam, are you out of your mind? You re-hire Scotty right now or I'll kick you in the crotch!
Sam: There's only one way I'll re-hire Scotty, Mr. Warner. When Hell freezes over!! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
Dave: Enough of this! Scotty, you're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Dave.
Mr. Warner: And Sam, don't ever let me catch you overstepping the bounds of your authority again, you hear me?
Sam: Yessir. Asswipe! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! My crotch! Owww!
Dave: That'll teach Sam to be a control freak.
Sam: What about the law against kicking people in the crotch?
Officer Flanigan: Dave had it declared unconstitutional.
Sam: Oh syphilis!
(Two WB Shields)
Sam: Now what?
Dave: The shield's cloned itself.
Scotty: Two shields are better than one! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! My crotch! Owww!
Sam: *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Not again! Owww!
Beulah: And don't kick my Scotty in the crotch again, Sam!
(Four WB Shields)
Mike: Four WB Shields?
Mary: Now it's a four-shield clover.
Anna: I'm looking over a four-shield clover that I overlooked before.
(Six WB Shields)
Beulah: Now there's six shields in the rings.
Abby: 2, 4, 6, 8, who do we appreciate? Go Shield! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(Eight WB Shields)
LH Michael: Now we have eight shields.
LH Michelle: Do I hear ten?
Sam: Enough! There's only supposed to be one WB Shield in the rings! Not two, four, six, eight or ten, but one!
Scotty: One?
Jimmy: One?
Hank: One?
Harvey Zilth: One?
Sidney: One?
Sam: Yes, one!
(The WB Shield is acting like a yo-yo!)
Sam: All right, who's the wise guy?
Dave: Jeez Louise, Sam! You said there was only supposed to be one shield in the rings.
Sam: Yeah, but instead of acting like a yo-yo, it should zoom in. Then, the captions "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc." and "Presents" follow. After that, we should have the "Looney Tunes" logo appear. Capeesh?
Dave: Got it, Your Samuelship, sir!
Sam: Eat your heart out, Duck Dodgers!
(The WB Shield reverses!)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks we goofed again!
Sam: Youthinks right, Scotty. We almost have it, only the shield should go forwards, not backwards.
Mr. Warner: Should we try again, Dave?
Dave: Uh, not now, Mr. Warner. Let's break for lunch.
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue shield!
(Blank Shield)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: Where are the letters?
Scotty: In the mailbox! Hahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! You sonofabitch, Sam! Stop kicking me in the crotch! Owww!
Officer Flanigan: Microsoft Sam, I saw you kick Radar Overseer Scotty in the crotch.
Sam: So what?
Officer Flanigan: According to a new law, crotch kicks are punishable by a $500 fine.
Sam: Oh scabies!
RoboSoft 3 reading: Later, after Sam paid a $500 fine for kicking Scotty in the crotch...
Dave: I thought I had that law struck down as unconstitutional on the grounds that it would lead to more bullying.
Officer Flanigan: You did, but a YouTuber named Tony Dawson objected to your having the anti-crotch-kick law struck down.
Mike: What does Tony Dawson think he's doing?
Mary: Is he trying to use LOL-LOL Land laws to bully us?
Sam: He's a total asswipe.
Anna: I'm inclined to agree.
Officer Flanigan: He said that without an anti-crotch-kick law, everyone in LOL-LOL Land would eventually become sterile.
Dave: Check his citizenship, Officer, and if he's in LOL-LOL Land illegally, he should be deported.
Officer Flanigan: Will do, Dave.
(WB letters without the shield)
Sam: Where's the shield?
Scotty: You said you wanted the letters, so we gave you the letters.
Sam: I want the letters on the shield, you hear me? The letters on the shield!
(The letters on the shield!)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: What now, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam?
Sam: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? Fired!?
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, IF YOU DON'T RE-HIRE ME I'LL KILL MYSELF
AND IF YOU DENY RESPONSIBILITY YOU'D BE GUILTY OF PERJURY, YOU HEAR ME?
GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!!
*BOOM!!*
Sam: Bullshit! When I say you're fired, Scotty, I mean you are F-I-R-E-D!
Scotty: Put me down, Sam!
Sam: Out you go! Out out out out out out out!
[CRASH!]
Beulah: Microsoft Sam, are you out of your mind? You re-hire Scotty right now, or else!
Sam: You can't threaten me, you bitch! Scotty's firing is justified, you hear? Justified!
Beulah: Justified my ass! You re-hire Scotty right now! And stop calling me a bitch!
*CRASH!*
Jimmy: Holy Schneikees!
Hank: Did you see that?
Harvey Zilth: Beulah threw Sam across the studio!
Sidney: I didn't know how strong she is.
Abby: Way to go, Beulah!
Beulah: Now let's see if we can bring Scotty back.
Anna: Sam? Are you all right?
Sam: Ouch! My head! My ribcage! My legs! My pancreas! My sphincter! Owww!
RoboSoft 3 reading: Later, after Sam was treated at the hospital for his injuries and Beulah and Abby brought Scotty back...
(MB)
(Monkey Business Pictures Inc.)
Scotty: Thanks for re-hiring me.
Dave: My pleasure, Scotty.
Mr. Warner: When you see Sam, tell him I want to see him ASAP.
Dave: Will do, Mr. Warner.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Lerney Terns A Werner Brerthers Certern Cerler ber Terchnicerler)
LH Michael: Lerney Terns?
LH Michelle: I think the Swedish Chef is coming.
Mike: Ermagerd! Lerney Terns!
Mary: Lerney Terns? What next? Murrie Merlerders?
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Leeney Teens A Warner Bros. Cartoon Color by Technicolor)
Anna: Leeney Teens?
Dave: Lean on me.
Scotty: Bill Withers, 1972.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Larney Tarns A Warner Bros. Cartoon Color by Technicolor)
Jimmy: Larney Tarns?
Hank: What in Larney Tarnation is going on here?
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Linkey Tinks A Warner Bros. Cartoon Color by Technicolor)
Harvey Zilth: Linkey Tinks?
Sidney: What next, Tinker Toys?
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Tinker Toys Featuring Thomas the Tank Engine)
Beulah: What do Tinker Toys have to do with Thomas the Tank Engine?
Abby: At least it wasn't the Nyan Cat.
(Nyan Cat)
LH Michael: It's the Nyan Cat again.
LH Michelle: He's a real cool cat.
Dave: Abby, you didn't sneeze when the Nyan Cat showed up.
Abby: I'm no longer allergic to cats, Dave.
Sam: What's going on here? Scotty, I thought I fired you! Now get out! Out! Out!
Scotty: You can't fire me, Sam! Dave and Mr. Warner re-hired me!
Mr. Warner: And what did I tell you about overstepping the limits of your authority, Microsoft Sam?
Dave: And stop being such a control freak!
Sam: Control freak my ass! I'm charging you all with mutiny!
(MB)
(Mutiny Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Sammy Get Your Gun Starring Microsoft Sam as the Control Freak)
Officer Flanigan: Microsoft Sam, are you out of your mind? Put that gun down!
Sam: How dare you collaborate with mutineers, Officer Flanigan! I oughta go ahead and shoot!
Dave: Don't resort to mass murder because of a frivolous mutiny charge, Sam!
Mr. Warner: Listen to Officer Flanigan. Put the gun down and drop the charges. You have no conclusive proof against us.
Sam: Fuck you, Mr. Warner! Fuck you, Dave! Fuck you, Officer Flanigan!
Robosoft 3 reading: Later, after Dave knocked the gun out of Sam's hand and Mr. Warner and Officer Flanigan washed Sam's mouth out with Listerine...
Dave: I hope this teaches you not to threaten us, Sam.
Mr. Warner: Don't you ever, ever drop the F-bomb on us again, Sam!
Officer Flanigan: And there's no way we're letting you press those frivolous mutiny charges against us! You hear me?
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
You know they're right.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
I NEED TO HAVE SOME KIND OF AUTHORITY AROUND HERE
AND IF YOU INTERFERE WITH WHAT I SAY IS JUSTIFIED, I'LL SEND THE DEVIL AND SHE-DEVIL AFTER YOU
YOU ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
*BOOM!!*
Anna: Sorry, Sam, but you should know the limits of your authority by now.
Sam: I'm sorry too, Anna, but why can't I fire someone and make it stick?
Scotty: Because you're always acting like a control freak! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: They won't let me fire Scotty, they steal my laugh line and they won't admit guilt to my mutiny charge! I oughta send the Devil and She-Devil after them!
Dave: Just try it, Sam!
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Beulah: Oh noes! Not the Devil and She-Devil again!
Abby: Save us, Jesus!
Devil: Why must you always say that name every time we show up?
She-Devil: Don't you know it always makes our tails grow limp?
Dave: So what if your tails grow limp? And how did you find your way in through the rings after God and His angels had it sealed up?
Devil: You know you can never get rid of us permanently.
She-Devil: Because the Almighty and His angels won't let it happen.
Dave: How do you know about that?
Devil: YouTuber Tony Dawson said the only way you'd ban us permanently from your videos is to destroy us.
She-Devil: And such action can only bring about the End of All Things, according to what was written long ago.
Sam: This Tony Dawson is a total asswipe. He should know better than to think he has a right to bully Dave on YouTube.
Devil: He doesn't have a right to bully any of you.
She-Devil: But we do.
God: You infernal imps back here again?
Angel: Don't you know well enough to leave Dave and his friends alone?
Guy the White: No matter what sanctimonious YouTubers like Tony Dawson think, you have no right to bully Dave and his friends.
Devil: Go away, celestial interferers!
She-Devil: If you don't allow us to bully davemadson and his friends, we'll shit all over them!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angel: There's no way we'll let you get away with it!
God: If you soil even one of them, you'll once again feel My Wrath!
Devil: Scandalous and nothing else but scandalous! Let's get them, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Devil: "Censored!?" What do you mean "censored?"
She-Devil: Unless you show us shitting all over davemadson and his friends, you'll never stop us from bullying them!
Sam: Gugh! You shat on us again! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Sam barfing]
Mike: You filth! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Mike barfing]
Mary: We're not toilets! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Mary barfing]
Anna: Don't you ever soil us again, you freaks of nature! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Anna barfing]
Guy the White: This display is unacceptable and unjustifiable!
Angel: A million frowns on this lewd act!
God: Take that, you infernal garbage dumpers!
[God releases powers to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devils fall back through the LT rings]
*LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! And my ass hurts so bad! Ouch!
She-Devil: I hope LOL-LOL Land gets seized by bullies for this! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: Sam, Mike, Mary and Anna are all cleaned up now.
Angel: You may resume your video.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Devil: Oh plague of locusts!
(Looney Tunes)
Sam: The caption "Looney Tunes" doesn't come in until after the shield does.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - The Caption LOONEY TUNES doesn't come in until after the shield does!)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS YELLING ABOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT?
Sam: Scotty's fucking up the intro again.
Jimmy: Why does Scotty always take the fall, Sam?
Hank: It's not totally his fault.
Harvey Zilth: We all make mistakes, Sam.
Sidney: Shouldn't we all accept the blame?
Sam: Scotty, you're getting a timeout.
Scotty: Why single me out, Sam? They were bad too!
Sam: Yeah, but you're the top katzenjammer and I need someone to be the whipping boy.
(WB)
(Whipping Boy Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Did you see that, Abby?
Abby: The captions above the shield said "Whipping Boy!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(WB)
(Werner Brerthers Perctures Ernc. Presernts)
LH Michael: Has the Swedish Chef come back?
LH Michelle: What would Kermit and Miss Piggy say?
Sam: Can we please get things right?
Dave: We'll try one more time, Sam.
(WB Shield Explosion)
*BOOM!!*
(Nothing)
Mike: Uh-oh!
Mary: Methinks we goofed again.
Sam: Youthinks right, Mary. Who planted a bomb in the shield?
Anna: I don't know, Sam.
Beulah: It was probably Scotty, Sam. He was so pissed off at getting a timeout.
Sam: That explains it.
Abby: Well, you can't blame a person for trying.
Mr. Warner: Should we try again, Dave?
Dave: We'd better leave it for tomorrow, Mr. Warner. I promised the gang we'd all go out to dinner.
Sam: Not Chez Monyou again!
Dave: No, Sam. This time we're going to a different place.
Abby: So where are we going for dinner, Dave?
Dave: I thought you'd never ask.
Dave reading: Doctor Tongue's 3-D House of Pancakes!!
Sam: Oh botulism!
Mr. Warner: Places everyone!
Dave: Where's Sam?
Mike: He's usually here on time.
Mary: I haven't seen him.
Anna: He probably overslept again.
Scotty: It's not like Sam to be late for work.
Beulah: Say what you will about him, he always answers the bell.
Abby: And this isn't even a boxing ring.
Mr. Warner: Don't you think we should get started anyway?
Dave: Can't we wait for Sam?
Mr. Warner: He got in late last night, so I allowed him to sleep in today.
Jimmy: That's a flash.
Hank: Last time Sam showed up late, Mr. Warner fired him.
Harvey Zilth: And we had to bring Sam back.
Sidney: Why the change, Mr. Warner?
Mr. Warner: That's none of your business, Sidney.
Dave: I think Mr. Warner's right. We should get things started.
Mr. Warner: Good point, Dave. Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(The WB Shield is acting like a 3-D Picture!)
LH Michael: Holy Schneikees!
LH Michelle: Is this a 3-D picture?
Dave: No, this is not a 3-D picture. The shield's just as anxious for Sam to get here as the rest of us.
RoboSoft 3: You can say THAT again!
Scotty: Sorry. I guess I pulled the string back a little too much.
Mr. Warner: Let's try it again.
(The WB letters fly out of the shield!)
SFX: CRASH!!
Dave: Oh sludge! Not again!
Sam: What happened?
Mike: The letters flew off the shield, Sam.
Sam: Hmmm... it must be the "Teflon shield syndrome" again.
Scotty: Teflon shield?
Sam: You know, Scotty. When the letters fly off, it's a Teflon effect.
Dave: I get it! Teflon effect! Oh, that's a riot, right, Mr. Warner? Mr. Warner?
Mr. Warner: Can somebody get these letters off of me?
Sam: Hang on, Mr. Warner.
(The WB Shield zooms in, but the letters read "TS" with the captions "Teflon Shield Pictures Inc." instead of "WB" with "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Mr. Warner: Thanks, gang.
Dave: My pleasure, Mr. Warner.
Sam: I'd like to know who greased in the shield to make the letters knock Mr. Warner down.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Sam: Somebody is lying.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Sam: One of you is lying. Who greased the shield?
Scotty: Sorry, Sam. I forgot to wipe the excess hand sanitizer off my hands before I touched the shield.
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY! YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE---
Dave: Oh no you don't, Sam!
Mr. Warner: Remember the last time you fired Scotty?
Sam: I've gotta do something to punish him!
Scotty: Like what?
SFX: CROTCH KICK!
Scotty: Ouch! Not again, you shithead! Owww!
SFX: CROTCH KICK!
Sam: SOI!!
Beulah: I hope this teaches you not to mistreat my Scotty!
Dave: Officer Flanigan?
Officer Flanigan: Yes?
Dave: Arrest Sam and Beulah for their crotch-kicking.
Officer Flanigan: I can't, Dave. Crotch kicks are legal again here in LOL-LOL Land.
Mr. Warner: How come?
Officer Flanigan: YouTuber Tony Dawson heard Dave's complaint and had the law thrown out again. He pinned the blame on "Nite Took."
Dave: And I banned "Nite Took" from my YouTube channel.
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the letters read "SN" with the captions "Sterile Nation Pictures Inc." instead of "WB" with "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Dave: Take it easy, Dave. Stay cool. Uh-oh! Tantrum is coming on! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! YOU KNOW I GAVE UP ON FIGHTING THE ANTI-CROTCH-KICK LAW AND WE DON'T NEED A NATION FULL OF STERILE PEOPLE YOU SHYSTERS SHYSTERS SHYSTERS SHYSTERS SHYSTERS SHYSTERS SHYSTERS SHYSTERS!!
SFX: BOOM!!
Abby: Are you all right, Dave?
Dave: I'm okay, Abby. It's just that I'm scared of everyone in LOL-LOL Land becoming sterile from crotch kicks.
Abby: Don't worry, Dave. We'll make sure crotch kicks are for self-defense purposes only.
(The WB Shield zooms in again, but the letters read "SD" with the captions "Self-Defense Pictures Inc." instead of "WB" with "Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Sam: Scotty, come here.
Scotty: Ho-hum. Another lecture.
Sam: Do I have to show you the logo that belongs here, Scotty?
Scotty: I should say not!
Sam: Then get the proper logo up here! Pronto!
Scotty: Don't call me "Pronto!"
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but this time, the letters read "PB" with the captions "Pronto Bros. Pictures Inc.")
Beulah: Pronto Brothers? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Abby: As opposed to the Tardy Sisters? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: I SAID THE PROPER LOGO!!
(The WB Shield zooms in yet again, but this time, the letters read "PL" with the captions "The Proper Logo Pictures Inc.")
Sam: Take it easy, Sam. Remain calm. Uh-oh! Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAP CRAP CRAP! WHEN I SAY THE PROPER LOGO I MEAN "WB," YOU HEAR ME? WB WB WB WB WB WB WB WB WB WB WB WB!!
SFX: BOOM!!
(The WB Shield pops up twelve times on the screen!)
Sam: I'm not gonna get pissed off. I'm gonna take it like a man. Chill. Relax. Uh-oh! Can't keep it in. Got to let loose! EEE-YOW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW-OW!! WHEN I SAY I WANT THE SHIELD, I WANT IT ZOOMING IN, NOT POPPING UP TWELVE TIMES ON THE SCREEN YOU ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
SFX: B-B-B-BOOM!!
Anna: Oh sludge! Sam's head exploded again. I'd better get him to the hospital.
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Later, after Sam was rushed to the hospital to have his head replaced..."
(The ABC 1962 logo zooms in instead of the WB Shield!)
Mike: ABC.
Mary: So easy a caveman could read it.
RoboSoft 3: Don't let the GEICO Caveman hear you!
Anna: Okay, we won't tell him.
(The CBS logo zooms in instead of the WB Shield!)
Scotty: Here's looking at you, CBS.
Jimmy: 60 Minutes.
Hank: Survivor.
Harvey Zilth: Is it time for the Immunity Challenge?
Sidney: The tribe has spoken.
(The NBC 1968 peacock zooms in with the announcer saying "The following program is brought to you in Living Color on NBC.")
Beulah: Ah! The NBC Peacock! I love peacocks!
Abby: Keep it away from me. I'm allergic to peacocks. Ah... Ahhhh... Ahh-CHOOO!!
SFX: BOOM!!
Dave: Not again! Abby, I thought you were cured of your allergy!
Abby: That was for cats. I'm still allergic to peacocks. My nose should stop smoking soon.
Dave: I hope so.
(The PBS 1971 logo zooms in instead of the WB Shield!)
LH Michael: Looney Tunes on PBS.
LH Michelle: Cookie Monster meets Yosemite Sam.
(The PBS 1984 logo zooms in instead of the WB Shield!)
Dave: Any news on Sam yet?
Anna: He's still in the hospital. The doctors just fitted a new head on him.
Sidney: Good thing they remembered what his old head looked like.
Scotty: He just got too pissed off over these bloopers, right, Sidney? Sidney? Hey Mr. Warner, where'd Sidney go?
Mr. Warner: Where did you see him last?
Scotty: He was just here.
Mr. Warner: Oh shpincter! He's gone!
Mike: "Shpincter?"
Mary: Where did Sidney go?
Anna: I haven't the foggiest idea.
(The WB Shield zooms in for the last time, but the letters read "LB" with the captions "Leutonia Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents -- Leutonia Uber Alles!")
Scotty: Leutonia? Where the hell is Leutonia?
Mr. Warner: Leutonia?
Officer Flanigan: There's no such place as Leutonia.
Scotty: There is so!
[The message reads on-screen "Urgent News Bulletin!" with the news flash music in the background.]
Harvey Zilth: This is a davemadson enterprises inc. special bulletin. Mercenaries from Leutonia have infiltrated LOL-LOL Land. They have abducted Sidney and are demanding a stiff ransom. And we have just heard that members of the Leutonia People's Army have seized BFF City Hospital. More details to come as conditions warrant.
Dave: Sidney's been taken hostage?
Jimmy: It looks that way.
Hank: He couldn't have vanished into thin air if he was abducted.
Officer Flanigan: They left a ransom note here.
Anna: What does it say, Officer Flanigan?
Officer Flanigan reads on-screen: "We are members of the Leutonian People's Army. We are holding Sidney hostage and have also seized control of BFF City Hospital. Unless LOL-LOL Land offers an unconditional surrender, not only will we kill Sidney, but we will also destroy BFF City Hospital. Leutonia Uber Alles!"
Mike: BFF City Hospital?
Mary: That's where Sam is!
Anna: I hope they're not too rough on him. I don't want to lose him.
Dave: Neither do we, Anna.
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: "Will davemadson and his friends rescue Sidney and Sam from the clutches of the Leutonian People's Army? Or will the Leutonians seize control of LOL-LOL Land? Stay tuned to this channel for more Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers!"
RoboSoft 3 reading: "In our last episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers..."
RoboSoft 3 narrating: "Microsoft Sam, pushed to the breaking point by the bloopers, threw not one but two tantrums, the second one blowing his head clean off. Anna rushed Sam to BFF City Hospital for head replacement surgery, but shortly thereafter, Sidney suddenly disappeared. Officer Flanigan found a ransom note from the Leutonian People's Army, threatening to kill Sidney and destroy BFF City Hospital unless LOL-LOL Land surrendered unconditionally to Leutonia. Meanwhile, hoping that Sam and Sidney survive their ordeals, the rest of the staff carried on with the bloopers."
Dave: Is everybody ready?
Scotty: I guess so, Dave.
Mike: We're so worried about Sam and Sidney.
Mary: And the future of LOL-LOL Land.
Anna: I love Sam too much to even bear the thought of losing him.
Jimmy: I hear the Leutonians are ruthless people.
Hank: They take no prisoners.
Harvey Zilth: They ask no quarter and give no quarter.
Beulah: No quarter?
Abby: Not even a dime? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dave: I don't think this is the time to make jokes, Abby.
Abby: Dave, I wouldn't waste time worrying.
LH Michael: Abby's right, Dave.
LH Michelle: Leutonians can sense fear.
Dave: In that case, let's get things started. Roll camera! Cue shield!
(Q)
(Q Shield Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Ha ha ha! Very funny!
Scotty: Sorry, Dave.
(Abstract WB)
Jimmy: Look, it's the Abstract WB logo again.
Hank: Next we'll see a Concrete WB logo.
Dave: L-A-M-E. Put them all together and they spell lame!
RoboSoft 3: That joke was NOT lame, Dave!
Dave: It was so lame, RoboSoft 3!
RoboSoft 3: SHEESH!
Dave: And shush the sheesh!
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Dave: No.
(Presents)
Dave: No.
(Looney Tunes)
Dave: No.
(Merrie Melodies)
Mary: They're playing my song again.
Mike: There she goes again.
Mr. Warner: Mary always says "they're playing my song again" when the Merrie Melodies caption appears.
Mary: I can't help it. It's one of my habits.
Mr. Warner: So, get rid of it!
Mary: Stay calm, Mary.
It's only a phase.
Keep
your
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
coming
on!
EEE-YOW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
MR. WARNER, STOP CRITICIZING MY HABITS
YOU BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD!!
*BOOM!!*
Mr. Warner: Sorry, Mary. I didn't mean to piss you off.
Mary: That's all right, Mr. Warner. It was just a gut reaction.
[Special News Bulletin!]
Harvey Zilth: This is a davemadson enterprises inc. special news bulletin. Leutonian forces have burned BFF City Hospital to the ground. However, undercover LOL-LOL Land agents managed to rescue most of the doctors, nurses and patients while LOL-LOL Land special forces fought off the Leutonians. It was in the retreat that two of the ringleaders threw incendiary bombs at the base of the hospital building, triggering the blaze. More details to come.
(SR)
(Sam's Rescue Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Hi gang! Did you miss me?
Anna: Microsoft Sam! You've come back! [Anna and Sam kissing] I missed you, Sam.
Sam: I missed you too, Anna.
Dave: Glad to see you're better, Sam. When we heard the Leutonians attacked the hospital, we feared the worst.
Sam: Fortunately, the LOL-LOL Land agents rescued us before Leutonians burned the hospital to the ground.
Mr. Warner: Do you feel up to the task of running the Looney Tunes intro again?
Sam: Sure thing, Mr. Warner.
(Paramount Television)
Sam: Not Paramount.
(Rankin-Bass)
Sam: Not Rankin-Bass.
(Westinghouse)
Announcer: You can be sure...if it's Westinghouse.
Sam: Not even Westinghouse.
(Adidas)
Sam: All right, who keeps sending the wrong logos in here?
Scotty: Not me.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sam: One of you is lying. Who keeps sending the wrong logos in here?
Scotty: Not me.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sam: Scotty, come here!
Scotty: Sam, I'm getting sick and fucking tired of your lectures!
Sam: When will you ever learn that the only logo that goes here is the WB Shield logo?
Scotty: When will you ever learn to stop treating me like a second grade kid in school?
Dave: And when will you two ever learn to stop fighting over these bloopers? You know Mr. Warner loves them.
Mr. Warner: That's right, Dave. They're funny! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
You know they're right.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in---
Anna: Keep still, Sam. You just got out of the hospital. Do you want to risk having your head explode again?
Sam: I can't help it, Anna. I've got to vent out my frustrations somehow.
Mr. Warner: Anna's right, Sam. You're always blaming Scotty for these bloopers and then throwing tantrums every time someone stops you from punishing him.
Sam: But, Mr. Warner, why should I let Scotty's insubordinations go unpunished?
Scotty: I've got more people standing up for me than you'll ever have for friends, Sam! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: Just leave me alone, Scotty.
All of you.
Leave
me
alone.
I've
got
to
throw
a
tantrum.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
NO ONE HAS TO TELL ME WHAT NOT TO DO AROUND HERE!
IT'S MY LIFE AND I HAVE A RIGHT TO DO WHAT I FUCKING WELL PLEASE
YOU ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
Mike: Well, how about that!
Mary: His head stayed on this time.
Anna: Are you okay, Sam?
Sam: I'm all right, Anna. Gee, that tantrum felt great!
[Special News Bulletin!]
Harvey Zilth: Here's another special news bulletin. LOL-LOL Land Special Forces have beaten back the Leutonian People's Army and have consented to rebuild BFF City Hospital. Microsoft Sam was allowed to return to our studio, but Sidney is still missing and he is believed to be hold hostage by the Leutonians. We'll keep you posted as conditions warrant.
(HB)
(Hostage Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Sidney's being held hostage?
Abby: That's what Harvey said.
LH Michael: I wish they'd release him on peaceful terms.
LH Michelle: I wish there was never such a place as Leutonia.
(Red NYET)
Dave: Oh sludge! It's that Red NYET again!
Red NYET: What did you expect? The Closet Killer?
Sam: What have you done with Sidney?
Red NYET: I have nothing to do with Sidney!
Mr. Warner: Then who's got him?
Red NYET: The Leutonians, you fools!
Dave: And what do they want with him?
Red NYET: None of your business!
Sam: We have a right to speak with their captors!
Red NYET: And so you shall!
(The Angry P-Head and the Two-Headed P-Head)
Sam: Ye Gads! Not the Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head again!
Angry P-Head: Yes, it's us again!
Two-Headed P-Head: We're the ones who took Sidney hostage on behalf of the Leutonians!
Dave: I might have known you evil logo parodies would be behind this!
Angry P-Head: Quite right, davemadson.
Two-Headed P-Head: And unless LOL-LOL Land surrenders to Leutonia, you will never see Sidney alive again.
Mr. Warner: You're violating international law by doing this!
Officer Flanigan: This makes the situation in Crimea look like child's play!
Dave: Give us Sidney back and leave us alone!
Red NYET: If you don't surrender LOL-LOL Land to the Leutonians, not only will Sidney be killed, but we'll shit all over you!
Anna: Don't you dare get filthy with us!
Angry P-Head: You're making a big mistake in refusing to surrender, you harlot!
Two-Headed P-Head: You're giving us no choice but to shit all over you, you harlot!
Anna: I said, don't get filthy with us! And I am not a harlot! Take that!
[Anna releases powers to the Angry P-Head and the Two-Headed P-Head]
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
Anna: There! I've sent these evil logo parodies back where they belong.
Sam: Good for you, Anna!
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Dave: What? Those infernal imps invading our studio again?
Devil: That's right, davemadson!
She-Devil: And this time, expect no quarter!
Dave: I lift my call to God Almighty!
God: I hear your call, Dave.
Angel: Are these infernal imps bothering you again?
Guy the White: If they are, we'll send them back where they came from.
Devil: Cease and desist these scandalous intrusions of yours!
She-Devil: We're still outraged at Guy being on your side instead of on our side!
Sam: Don't tell me you're behind this Leutonian incursion and Sidney's capture!
Devil: Indeed we are, pitiful fool!
She-Devil: Unless you surrender, not only will the Leutonians kill Sidney, but we will shit all over you!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angel: You'd only succeed in sickening whomever you relieve yourselves on!
God: If you soil Dave and his friends, you will feel My Wrath! And if the Leutonians kill Sidney, I will forbid you infernal imps from claiming his soul!
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Devil: Enough of this pointless bickering! Let's get them, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Whatever you say! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Sam: Hah! You missed us again!
Dave: These netherworld nebbishes! They intended to dump on us, but they got each other instead!
Devil: Gugh! You tricked us again! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Devil barfing]
She-Devil: Why did you do this to us? Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[She-Devil barfing]
Dave: It serves those infernal imps right for menacing us.
Sam: You said it, Dave! Once again, they got a taste of their own medicine.
God: Quite right, Sam. Now to send them back where they belong!
[God releases powers to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devils fall back through the LT rings]
*LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! I think all my bones are broken! Ouch!
She-Devil: May the Leutonians kill Sidney and destroy LOL-LOL Land for this! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
God: Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no.
Devil: Oh pleurisy!
(The Looney Tunes intro messes up)
*OUT OF ORDER!!*
Scotty: Holy Schneikees!
Jimmy: The picture's out of order again!
Hank: If it was a Leutonian that did that, I'd give him a karate chop!
Harvey Zilth: How about a nice Hawaiian punch?
Sam: No commercial plugs, please.
Mike: Has anybody heard about Sidney yet?
Mary: I haven't heard anything.
Anna: Neither have I.
[Special News Bulletin!]
Harvey Zilth: Here is another special news bulletin. Leutonia has fully retreated from LOL-LOL Land, but they are still holding Sidney hostage. Sources close to the Leutonian leaders say that since davemadson and his friends, with the assistance of God and His angels, beat back the Devil and She-Devil, they are moving closer to their planned "day of execution." We'll continue to keep you posted.
Beulah: Can anyone on Earth possibly stop the Leutonians from killing Sidney?
Abby: We'd sure hate to lose him.
Dave: I sure hope we can find a way to get Sidney out of the Leutonians' clutches before all hell breaks loose.
RoboSoft 3 reading: "Can davemadson and his friends find a way to rescue Sidney from Leutonia? Or will the Leutonians carry out their threat to kill Sidney? Stay tuned to this channel for more Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers!"
RoboSoft 3 reading: "In our last episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers..."
RoboSoft 3 narrating: "Microsoft Sam, fully recovered from head-replacement surgery, returned to the studio, but Sidney was still missing. Harvey gave news updates, relating that while LOL-LOL Land forces beat back the Leutonians, Sidney was being held captive and faced possible execution unless LOL-LOL Land surrendered. The gang fought off intrusions by the Red NYET, Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head, The Devil and She-Devil menaced our heroes once more, but with the help of God, Angela the Angel and Guy the White, the infernal imps were sent back to their lair. While anxiously waiting for further news on Sidney, the staff carried on with the bloopers."
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(The rings without the shield)
Scotty: Oops! Sorry, Sam, forgot the shield.
Sam: That's okay. Let's try it again.
(The WB Shield without the rings)
Sam: Where did the rings go?
Scotty: Probably to the nearest star.
Jimmy: Ringo Starr? He was one of the Beatles.
Hank: It's been a hard day's night.
Harvey Zilth: And I've been working like a dog.
Beulah: Baby, you can drive my car.
Dave: I want to hold your hand.
Abby: Oh Dave! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(BB)
(Beatle Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Sam: What do the Beatles have to do with Looney Tunes?
(WB)
(Why Bother? Pictures Inc.)
Dave: That's lame!
RoboSoft 3: NOT LAME!
Dave: Sheesh!
RoboSoft 3: SHUSH THE SHEESH!
(WB)
(Winker Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Winker Brothers?
Mary: Give us a wink.
Anna: And we won't blink.
(WB)
(Wringer Bros. Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Wringer Brothers?
LH Michelle: Who let in the wringer? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Somebody's gonna get put through the wringer if they keep getting the captions wrong.
(WC)
(Wrong Captions Pictures Inc.)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Dave: Oh no! Not again!
Scotty: Fired, schmired! You oughta be fired, Sam, for fucking up my life!
Sam: Put me down! This is insubordination! I oughta have you hanged for this!
Scotty: When Hell freezes over, Sam! Out you go!
*CRASH!*
Beulah: Way to go, Scotty!
Abby: Payback!
Anna: It serves Sam right for being such a control freak.
[Special News Bulletin!]
Harvey Zilth: This is Harvey Zilth with a davemadson enterprises inc. special news bulletin. An attempted execution in Leutonia went awry when, on two occasions, the firing squad's rifles jammed. On the second attempt, three of the captives escaped. Two of them were immediately re-captured, but one, accompanied by undercover agents, successfully made it back to LOL-LOL Land. Stay tuned for further developments.
(EL)
(Escape from Leutonia Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Aha! Reach for the sky, Radar Overseer Scotty!
Scotty: What's the deal, Sam?
Sam: I fired you and you threw me out. Therefore, I accuse you of mutiny and I've got witnesses!
Mike: I say Sam's acting like a control freak again.
Mary: Same here.
Anna: Sam, put that gun down or I'll have to zap you.
Sam: Turning against me, huh?
Jimmy: Who does Sam think he is to think he owns the place?
Hank: You're acting very foolishly, Sam.
Harvey Zilth: Please put the gun down.
Sam: Jeez Louise! I've never seen so many mutineers here!
Beulah: Mutineers?
Abby: This isn't the HMS Bounty and you're not Captain Bligh!
LH Michael: Please, Sam, I beg you to put that gun down.
LH Michelle: You're only making it worse for yourself.
Sam: This is my studio and I say let me turn Scotty over to the police, or I shoot!
Dave: You can't do that, Sam! That's murder!
Mr. Warner: Dave's right, Sam. Please put the gun down.
Officer Flanigan: Do as he says, Sam. It's for your own good.
Sam: Fuck you all! Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!
RoboSoft 3 reading: Before Sam could fire a single shot, Dave knocked the gun out of his hand. Then, Mr. Warner and Officer Flanigan washed Sam's mouth out for dropping F-bombs on everyone in the studio.
Officer Flanigan: And if you threaten even one of us again, Microsoft Sam, I'll throw the book at you!
Mr. Warner: And I hope this teaches you not to pull insubordinate sunts like saying "fuck you" to your boss again, Sam!
Dave: And Scotty, you're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Dave.
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
You shouldn't be such a control freak.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAP CRAP CRAP!
I DON'T CARE WHAT MR. WARNER OR OFFICER FLANIGAN SAYS!
IT'S STILL MY LIFE AND I SHOULD HAVE A SAY IN WHAT HAPPENS AROUND HERE
YOU ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
*BOOM!!*
Dave: Throwing tantrums over it won't help, Sam.
Mr. Warner: You shouldn't go over my head with respect to disciplining Scotty, especially since I love these bloopers. You got that, Sam?
Sam: Yessir. Asswipes! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
(SR)
(Sidney Returns Pictures Inc.)
Sidney: Hi gang!
Dave: Sidney! You came back!
Sam: We thought the Leutonians were gonna wipe you out.
Sidney: I thought I was a goner too, but undercover LOL-LOL Land agents helped me get back home.
Mr. Warner: We're glad you came back safely, Sidney.
Officer Flanigan: I'll bet if the Leutonians found out you escaped their clutches, they'd be really pissed off.
Sidney: Whatever scheme they may hatch, they can't control my life! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(LB)
(Leutonia Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents -- Leutonia's Most Wanted)
Mike: Leutonia's Most Wanted?
Mary: I never heard of that show.
Anna: I guess every nation has had a "Most Wanted" program at one time or another.
Dave: But who would be among Leutonia's most wanted?
Sam: Probably no one we know, Dave.
[Special News Bulletin!]
Harvey Zilth: Here's another special news bulletin. LOL-LOL Land troops have deployed at stations along the border with Leutonia after news that a refugee from one of Leutonia's ajils angered the country's leaders. Said refugee appeared on a program called Leutonia's Most Wanted, which is banned in LOL-LOL Land due to its propagandist nature. Leutonian leaders offered a bounty to anyone who would bring the refugee back to Leutonia for execution. More details to come soon.
Scotty: A refugee?
Jimmy: Escaped from a Leutonian jail?
Hank: And hiding here in LOL-LOL Land?
Sidney: OMG! They're looking for me.
Beulah: We'd better find a place for you to hide, Sidney.
Abby: If the Leutonians see us harboring you, they'll fire on sight.
Officer Flanigan: The commanding general of the LOL-LOL Land Army said he's sending guards here to protect us in case any of the Leutonians show up here.
Dave: No matter what they try, Sidney, we won't let them take you.
Sidney: Thanks, Dave.
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Dave: Oh sphincter! It's those infernal imps again!
Devil: What did you expect? The Red NYET?
She-Devil: We've come for Sidney. Where is he?
Sidney: What would these imps want me for? They know I don't believe that stuff about devils because I'm Jewish.
Devil: Jewish or not, Sidney it's the Leutonians that want you.
She-Devil: They've offered a bounty for your return to Leutonia for execution.
Sidney: They want me, but they can't have me! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Devil: They've threatened once again to attack LOL-LOL Land if you don't surrender, Sidney.
She-Devil: And here's my bargaining chip. I'll hold Dave for my own until you surrender Sidney to us.
Dave: Really, She-Devil! You are still too dangerous for me!
She-Devil: Am I, my darling?
Abby: You leave Dave alone! He's mine!
She-Devil: You stay out of this, you bitch!
Abby: Hold still, Abby.
She doesn't mean it.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
YOU LEAVE DAVE ALONE OR I'LL CALL ON GOD AND HIS ANGELS TO BEAT YOU BACK
YOU LAMIA LAMIA LAMIA LAMIA LAMIA LAMIA LAMIA LAMIA!!
*BOOM!!*
Beulah: Are you okay, Abby?
Abby: I'm all right, Beulah.
God: What's going on here?
Angel: Are these infernal imps bothering you?
Guy the White: We'll beat them back for you.
Devil: Now just a minute, celestial interferers!
She-Devil: Leutonia has threatened to seize control of LOL-LOL Land unless we take Sidney to collect on the bounty!
God: That is unacceptable to Me!
Angel: Those rogues had better leave LOL-LOL Land alone if they know what's good for them!
Guy the White: There's no way you're gonna get away with what you think you'll get away with!
Devil: Never end a sentence with a preposition, Guy!
She-Devil: Either you let us take Sidney back to Leutonia or we shit all over davemadson and his friends!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angel: That's your solution to everything! Relieving yourselves all over people in a vainglorious attempt at false glory!
God: If you soil Dave and his friends, you will feel My Wrath, and I forbid you to claim Sidney as your own!
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous! Scandalous! Scandalous! Scandalous! Scandalous!
Devil: Let's get them, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Whatever you say! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Sidney: Gugh! Why did you shit all over me? Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Sidney barfing]
Beulah: You filth! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Beulah barfing]
Abby: We are not commodes! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Abby barfing]
Dave: You'll get yours for this, Devil and She-Devil! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Dave barfing]
Guy the White: What a sickening display of foulness!
Angel: A million frowns on this lewd act!
God: Take that, infernal spewers of hazardous waste!
[God releases strong powers to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devils fall back through the LT rings]
*LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Ouch! Beaten again! That hard landing hurts! Owww!
She-Devil: May the Leutonians seize power in LOL-LOL Land for this! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: Sidney, Beulah, Abby and Dave are all cleaned up now.
Angel: You may resume your video.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Devil: Oh diarrhea!
[Special News Bulletin!]
Harvey Zilth: Another special news bulletin. LOL-LOL Land troops have successfully fought off an attempted invasion by the Leutonian People's Army. Negotiators are working on a truce whose terms include, among other things, that Leutonia recognize LOL-LOL Land's right to exist. Any violation of the truce would mean economic sanctions. This has been Harvey Zilth reporting.
(The WB Shield with the first kaleidoscopic background)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: Where are the rings?
Scotty: In a circus! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(The WB Shield with the second kaleidoscopic background)
Mike: Looney Tunes goes kaleidoscopic!
Mary: Let's keep it coming!
(The WB Shield with the third kaleidoscopic background)
Sam: No.
(The WB Shield with the fourth kaleidoscopic backgroudn)
Sam: No!
(The WB Shield with the fifth and final kaleidoscopic background)
Beulah: Oh, how lovely! A floral arrangement!
Abby: I wish Dave would give me a present this exquisite.
Dave: Just say the word, Abby, and it shall be yours.
(The WB Shield with the Windows XP Sunset background)
Scotty: Uh-oh! Methinks we goofed again!
Jimmy: Youthinks right, Scotty.
Hank: Does the shield go well with that sunset?
Harvey Zilth: At least the sun set on Leutonia's threats against LOL-LOL Land.
Sidney: I'll drink to that.
Mr. Warner: So will I.
Officer Flanigan: So will I.
Sam: Can we at least try it with the rings?
Dave: Coming right up, Sam!
(The WB Shield stopped at the LT rings)
(W drops)
(B drops)
(Shield drops)
(The set falls apart)
LH Michael: Uh-oh! The set's fallen apart again.
LH Michelle: Better get the Krazy Glue.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: Quit yelling at me, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!!
Anna: Scotty's right, Sam. Remember what happened earlier in this video?
Sam: I guess you're right, Anna. We can always try again, right, Dave?
Dave: Right, Sam, but we can wait until tomorrow.
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Loonar Tunes)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: It's supposed to be "Looney Tunes," not "Loonar Tunes."
Scotty: The way things are running, Sam, we may as well be on the moon.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Mooney Tunes)
Mike: "Mooney Tunes?"
Mary: Is it full yet?
Anna: It's a full moon tonight! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Luney Toones)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: Are you two at it again?
Sam: Stay out of this, you asswipe!
Dave: Take it easy, Dave.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
THIS IS MY VIDEO, SAM, AND I DON'T WANT YOU OVERRIDING ME AGAIN
YOU CONTROL FREAK CONTROL FREAK CONTROL FREAK CONTROL FREAK CONTROL FREAK CONTROL FREAK CONTROL FREAK CONTROL FREAK!!
*BOOM!!*
(WB)
(A Warner Bros. Cartoon in Technicolor)
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
You know this is Dave's video.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
DAVEMADSON, I DON'T CARE IF THIS IS YOUR FUCKING VIDEO!
IT'S STILL MY LIFE AND I WANT AUTHORITY AROUND HERE
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!!*
(TT)
(Tantrum Throwers Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Here we go again.
Hank: Sam throws a tantrum because Dave threw a tantrum.
Harvey Zilth: Who does Sam think he is - Vladimir Putin?
Sidney: Maybe he should have his brains checked.
Sam: Maybe I oughta have your asses kicked!
Beulah: Dave's right, Sam. It's his video.
Abby: We're just living and working in it.
Sam: But what about authority?
Dave: I let you direct, but you still act like you own the place.
Mr. Warner: I don't care what you say. I love these bloopers. They're funny. Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(HH)
(Hot Heads Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: She can burn you up in bed, just like she said.
LH Michelle: 'Cause she's a hot head, hot head, hot head.
Dave: Captain Beefheart, 1980.
(LB)
(Lecture Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Here We Go Again Sam's About to Give Scotty Another Lecture)
Sam: Radar Overseer Scotty, you never seem to know what logo belongs here, do you?
Scotty: I do so know what logo belongs here, Sam!
Sam: You don't act like it, Scotty, which is why I have to lecture you again.
Scotty: You're always making me feel like a second-grade kid in school when you lecture me, Sam!
Sam: This is the logo that belongs here, Scotty.
Scotty: I've got eyes, Sam! And I'm sick of you calling me a dime-a-dozen bum!
Sam: That's because you are a dime-a-dozen bum, Scotty!
Scotty: I am not!
Sam: You are too!
Scotty: I am not!
Sam: You are too!
Dave: Gentlemen, gentlemen.
Scotty: I am not!
Sam: You are too!
Scotty: I am not!
Sam: You are too!
Dave: Gentlemen, gentlemen!
Scotty: I am not!
Sam: You are too!
Scotty: I am not!
Sam: You are too!
Dave: CHILDREN, CHILDREN!!
Sam: I've had it with you, Scotty!
Scotty: Put me down, Sam!
Sam: Scotty, you're fired! Out you go!
[CRASH!]
Beulah: That does it, Sam! I'll teach you to mistreat my Scotty!
Sam: Put me down! This is mutiny! I'll have you hanged for this!
Beulah: When Hell freezes over, Sam! Out you go!
[CRASH!]
Mr. Warner: That'll teach Sam some manners around here!
Dave: Way to go, Beulah!
Beulah: Thanks, Dave. I showed that control freak he shouldn't screw around with your authority.
Abby: Now let's see if we can bring Scotty back.
RoboSoft 3 reading: Dave, Mr. Warner, Beulah and Abby stopped Scotty from throwing himself off a nearby bridge and brought back to the studio. An extremely pissed-off Sam returned with a court summons, charging everyone in the studio with mutiny. Dave and Mr. Warner succeeded in having the charges dismissed due to lack of conclusive evidence against them. Enraged as never before, Sam tried to burn down the studio, but Dave, Anna, Mr. Warner and Officer Flanigan tied him down. Sam is now under psychiatric observation, as well as an indefinite suspension. And the Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers continue..."
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Lousey 'Tudes A Warner Bros. Canteen in Tackycolor)
Dave: "Lousey 'Tudes?"
Mike: A perfect description of Sam.
Mary: He always had a lousy attitude.
Anna: If only I had my license to practice psychology reinstated.
Scotty: How'd I do this time, Dave?
Dave: You did okay, except that it's supposed to be "Looney Tunes," not "Lousey 'Tudes."
Jimmy: Since when does Warners have a canteen?
Hank: There was a film back around the time of World War II called Stage Door Canteen.
Harvey Zilth: That explains it.
Sidney: And what kind of color is "Tackycolor?"
Dave: Good point, Sidney. Let's take it from the top.
(Let's take it from the top!)
Dave: Lame!
RoboSoft 3: NOT LAME!
Dave: So lame!
RoboSoft 3: I said, "NOT LAME!"
Dave: If I say it's lame, it's lame, capeesh?
RoboSoft 3: SHEESH!
Dave: And shush the sheesh! *CROTCH KICK!* Gad! Crotch-kicked again!
Anna: Sorry, Dave. Irresistible impulse! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Abby: At least you didn't zap him with your eyes.
(Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head)
Scotty: Ye Gads! It's that Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head again!
Beulah: Steady, Scotty. They can't harm us.
Angry P-Head: Speak for yourselves, fools!
Two-Headed P-Head: Where is Microsoft Sam?
Jimmy: If you're looking for him, you are SOL.
Hank: He's undergoing psychiatric treatment at the hospital.
Harvey Zilth: He tried to burn our studio down, so Dave had him committed.
Sidney: Dave also put Sam on indefinite suspension.
Angry P-Head: Lift Sam's suspension and turn him over to us immediately!
Dave: And if we refuse?
Two-Headed P-Head: We'll shit all over you!
Dave: Dis-gusting!
Anna: That's what I say! Don't get filthy with us!
Angry P-Head: Telling us not to get filthy with you is scandalous! Let's get them, Two-Headed P-Head!
Two-Headed P-Head: Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Harvey Zilth: Gugh! You filth! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww!
[Harvey Zilth]
Sidney: This is not a restroom! Eeeewww! Eeeeeewwww!
[Sidney barfing]
Anna: I told you not to get filthy with us! Take that!
[Anna releases powers to the Angry P-Head and Two-Headed P-Head]
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
Anna: There! I've sent those evil logo parodies back where they belong.
RoboSoft 3 reading: "Later, after Harvey and Sidney got cleaned up..."
(She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Dave: Holy Schneikees! It's that She-Devil again!
She-Devil: Why did you say "holy" in front of me? You know it makes my tail grow limp!
Dave: So what if your tail grows limp? And why is the Devil not with you?
She-Devil: He's not feeling very well today. He tried to turn every mountain on Earth into an active volcano, but the Almighty stopped him.
Mike: He should know better than to try to bring about the end of the world before its time.
Mary: The very idea of the Devil being stronger than God is scandalous indeed.
Anna: If he laid a finger on Sam, I'd zap him good.
She-Devil: The reason the Devil tried to make the Earth into a giant volcano was that the Almighty refused to let us take custody of Guy.
LH Michael: You mean Guy the White?
LH Michelle: You know very well that God forbade you infernal imps to claim Guy's soul after you killed him.
She-Devil: And the Almighty had the nerve to stuff the Devil's face full of ice cream and chocolate syrup! It made him so sick to his stomach, he can't get out of bed for days!
God: It serves that netherworld nebbish right for trying to override My Authority!
Angel: And you'd better leave Dave and his friends alone!
She-Devil: Not so fast! I claim Dave for myself! I have big plans for him.
Dave: Really, She-Devil?
She-Devil: Really, Dave. I love how smart you are. I can use you to help us defeat the Almighty and His so-called angels.
Dave: I've said it before, but I'll say it again: you are still much too dangerous for me, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Am I really too dangerous for you, my darling Dave?
Abby: You leave Dave alone! He's mine!
God: You heard her, She-Devil! Leave davemadson alone and get out of here!
She-Devil: Not so fast! You give me Guy the White, or I'll shit all over davemadson!
Dave: Like I said before: dis-gusting!
Angel: I agree with you, Dave.
God: Get out of here, you infernal imp!
She-Devil: This is your last chance! Give me Guy or I'll shit all over Dave!
God: Do that and feel My Wrath!
She-Devil: That is scandalous!
God: It is not scandalous! Begone!
She-Devil: That's the last straw! You asked for it, davemadson! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Dave: Gugh! You dirty, foul, rotten waste dumper! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeeeeeewwwww!
[Dave barfing]
Angel: Dave's right. What you just did is disgusting.
God: And that, you filthy slattern, is the real last straw! Take that!
[God releases and zaps the strong powers to the She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The She-Devil falls back through the LT rings]
*LOUD CRASH!!*
She-Devil: Ouch! Beaten again! I hope Sam hunts down and destroys davemadson and his friends for this! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Angel: I've cleaned you up, Dave. You may resume your video.
Dave: Thanks. And I hope and pray Sam gets better soon.
God: He'll get better.
Scotty: Shall we continue with the Looney Tunes intro?
Dave: Go to it!
(WB)
(In Technicolor Presents)
Mike: "In Technicolor Presents?"
Mary: What next, the NBC Peacock?
(NBC Peacock)
Announcer: The following program is brought to you in Living Color on NBC.
Anna: Living Color. As opposed to Dead Color? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(The WB Shield with the captions is about to explode)
*BOOM!!*
(W n B s P t s I c Pr n s)
Dave: All right! Who blew up the shield?
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Scotty: It may have been the She-Devil in retaliation for being beaten back.
Mr. Warner: In that case, I won't lower the boom on you.
Beulah: No matter what happens, Scotty, I'll still love you.
Scotty: And I'll still love you, Beulah.
Abby: Should we try again, Dave?
Dave: Let's wait till tomorrow, Abby.
RoboSoft 3 reading: "Microsoft Sam is making progress in the psychiatric ward in BFF City Hospital. However, he is still under suspension for his attempt to burn down the studio. Stay tuned to this channel for more Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers!"
RoboSoft 3 reading: "Microsoft Sam, fully recovered from his illness, is still under suspension. The bloopers go on as usual."
Dave: Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue shield!
(The WB Shield stopped)
(W drop)
(B drop)
(Shield drop)
Dave: All right! Who made the shield fall apart?
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Dave: Somebody's lying.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Dave: One of you is lying. Who made the shield fall apart?
Scotty: Sorry, Dave. Too much grease on the shield.
Mike: It must be that Teflon effect again.
Mary: The letters slip off because of the grease.
Anna: We have a case of "greasy shield!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dave: Okay, we'll de-grease the shield.
(GS)
(Greasy Shield Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Greasy shield? That explains why the letters went slip sliding away.
Abby: The nearer your destination, the more you're slip sliding away.
Dave: Paul Simon, 1977.
(PB)
(Payola Bros. Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: "Payola Brothers?"
LH Michelle: Payola is an illegal scheme by which record companies pay disc jockeys to play their records.
Scotty: I thought it was the name of a jukebox! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Dave: "Payola," Scotty, not "Play-Ola."
(CB)
(Crayola Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Not Crayola, either.
Scotty: Oh sphincter! There goes my chance of winning that crayon-drawing contest!
Beulah: That contest was for little kids, Scotty.
Abby: But if Sam were here, he'd say you were acting like one! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Scotty: Take it easy, Scotty.
Relax.
Keep your cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, QUIT HAUNTING ME FROM THAT LOONEY BIN AND YOUR SUSPENSION
YOU DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS!!
*BOOM!!*
(YD)
("You're Despicable" ---Daffy Duck)
Daffy Duck: You're desssssssssssssssssssssssssspicable!
Mr. Warner: All right! Who said I was despicable? And don't lie because I know one of you said that.
Dave: I know who said it, Mr. Warner. It was RoboSoft 3.
RoboSoft 3: I did NOT say Mr. Warner was despicable!
Mr. Warner: You did too!
RoboSoft 3: It was Daffy Duck!
Mr. Warner: Somebody's gonna get it for blaming someone falsely!
RoboSoft 3: Excellent idea, Mr. Warner. Okay, davemadson, you asked for it!
(The WB letters fly off of that shield)
*CRASH!!*
Dave: Oh no! Not again!
Mr. Warner: I hope this teaches you a lesson not to blame others falsely.
Dave: I get the message, Mr. Warner. Will someone please pry these letters off of me?
Beulah: Don't despair, Dave.
Abby: We'll get the letters off of you.
RoboSoft 3 reading: "Later, after Beulah and Abby pried the letters off of Dave..."
(Fox)
Mr. Warner: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Mr. Warner?
Mr. Warner: This is supposed to be Warner Bros., not Fox.
Scotty: Tally-ho!
(Rankin-Bass)
Mr. Warner: Not Rankin-Bass.
(Lorimar)
Jimmy: Lorimar?
Hank: I knew her very well.
Harvey Zilth: I dated her in high school once.
Sidney: No you didn't. I dated her. *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! My crotch! Owww!
Dave: Harvey, will you cool it with crotch kicks?
Harvey Zilth: Sorry, Dave. Sometimes I don't know my own strength.
Sidney: But I do! Eee-yowowowowowowowow!!
(Gracie Films)
Beulah: Gracie Films.
Abby: Before every meal, we say Gracie! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Mr. Warner: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: Jeez Louise, Mr. Warner! You don't have to shout!
Mr. Warner: Sorry, Scotty. I must have absorbed some of Sam's old ways. But you know the logo that belongs here is the WB Shield and only the WB Shield, capeesh?
Scotty: Sheesh!
Dave: Shush the sheesh!
(ABC Pictures International)
Mike: ABC.
Mary: Easy as 1-2-3.
Anna: As simple as Do-Re-Mi.
Dave: And a Fasol Latido.
(FL)
(Fasol Latido Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Now cut that out!
(Hot Dog and Jambo)
LH Michael: Hot Dog and Jambo?
LH Michelle: I'll have a Hot Dog and Jambo with a side of fries and a large soda to go, please.
LH Michael: Sorry, but we're all out of Jambo.
LH Michelle: Oh shit!
(DuMont)
Jimmy: DuMont.
Hank: How do you DuMont?
Harvey Zilth: I DuMont very well.
Sidney: As you DuMont, so DuMont I! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Mr. Warner: Take it easy, Mr. Warner.
Relax.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAP CRAP CRAP CRAP!
RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU?
IT'S WB AND ONLY WB
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!!*
[Special News Bulletin!]
Harvey Zilth: This is Harvey Zilth with a davemadson enterprises inc. special news bulletin. Upon further psychiatric evaluation, it has been determined that Microsoft Sam is indeed fit to return to the studio once his suspension is lifted. Updates will come as conditions warrant.
(Lucretia McEvil in disguise)
Dave: Well, look who just came in.
Mr. Warner: Who are you?
Lucretia McEvil in disguise: My name is not important right now. Is Microsoft Sam coming back?
Dave: When he promises never to set fire to the studio again, we'll bring him back.
Beulah: You look like a friendly sort of person.
Lucretia McEvil in disguise: Hey, at least I try.
Abby: Beulah and I are hosting a slumber party next weekend. Would you like to join us?
Lucretia McEvil in disguise: I'd love to, bud I'd rather wait for Sam.
Anna: Just a minute. We don't know who you are, but I want you to know that Sam belongs to me.
Lucifer McEvil in disguise: You wouldn't want to mess with me, sister.
Anna: Oh no? I happen to have laser-eye powers.
Lucifer McEvil in disguise: I wanna see you try your best with them.
Anna: Okay, I will. Take that!
[Anna releases powers to Lucifer McEvil in disguse]
Lucifer McEvil in disguise: I happen to have laser-eye powers too. Let's see you handle this!
[Lucifer McEvil in disguise releases powers to Microsoft Anna]
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
Mike: Holy Schneikees! Did you see that, Mary?
Mary: That mystery lady knocked Anna out with laser-eye powers of her own.
Dave: I hope Anna's all right.
Anna: Who... What... Where am I?
Dave: You'll be okay, Anna. That mystery lady knocked you out with her own laser-eye powers.
Anna: Oh, wow! She must be stronger than I am!
Lucifer McEvil in disguise: Now do you know how strong I am?
Mr. Warner: We get the point.
Dave: If you're so interested in Sam, then who are you, really?
Lucifer McEvil in disguise: I'm not really as I appear to you. I am really...
She-Devil: ...the She-Devil! [ViD Theme] [Diabolical laughter]
RoboSoft 3 reading: "What does the She-Devil really want with Dave and his friends? And when Sam returns, will fall into the She-Devil's clutches? Find out in the next episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers!"
RoboSoft 3 reading: "In our last episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers..."
RoboSoft 3 narrating: "With Microsoft Sam on suspension, the rest of the staff carried on with the bloopers. A mystery lady appeared at the studio, looking for Sam, but Anna made the case that Sam belonged to her. Anna challenged the mystery lady to a laser-eye duel, but the mystery lady proved herself stronger by knocking Anna out. As the episode was ending, Dave demanded to know the identity of the mystery lady, and she transformed into the She-Devil right before everyone's eyes."
She-Devil: You know I've come for Sam. When can I have him?
Dave: Let me put it this way: in case Hell freezes over, maybe we can negotiate a deal.
She-Devil: Don't ever say that to me. You have no idea how long it takes to get the pilot lit in my realm.
Dave: If you bother us again, we'll call on God and the angels to beat you back. And there's no way in the world they'll let you win.
She-Devil: I'll give you a little more time to decide whether or not to turn Sam over to me. Till we meet again...
(The She-Devil zooms out of the LT rings)
Mike: You showed some courage in dealing with the She-Devil, Dave.
Mary: She really sneaked her way in this time.
Anna: When she knocked me down with her own laser-eye powers, I caught on to her identity right away.
Beulah: She never fooled me for a second.
Abby: I caught on when she asked about Sam.
Scotty: When's Sam coming back?
Dave: Soon, Scotty. For now, let's carry on with the Looney Tunes intro.
Scotty: Roger-dodger!
(The WB Shield is acting like a yo-yo)
Mr. Warner: Who's making the shield act like a yo-yo?
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Dave: One of you is lying.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Scotty: Sometimes the shield has a mind of its own! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(MC)
(Monochrome Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Look, Michelle, we're in black and white.
LH Michelle: I used to dream this way.
Dave: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE!!
Dave: Where did the color go?
Mr. Warner: Don't tell me we're late on the color payments.
Scotty: I was just gonna say that, Mr. Warner! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! My crotch! Owww!
Dave: Not with the crotch kicks again!
Mr. Warner: Sorry, Dave, but I don't like anyone sassing me.
Dave: Take it easy, Dave.
You know things aren't right without Sam here.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE STILL UNDER SUSPENSION!
HURRY BACK BEFORE I CRACK UP
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!!*
LH Michael: Congratulations, Dave, you did it.
LH Michelle: Your tantrum brought the color back into this video.
Dave: Hooray for me.
[Special News Bulletin!]
Harvey Zilth: This is Harvey Zilth with a davemadson enterprises inc. special news bulletin. Microsoft Sam's suspension has officially been lifted.
(SB)
(Sam's Back! Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Hi gang! Did you miss me?
Anna: Microsoft Sam! You've come back! [Anna and Sam kissing] I missed you, Sam.
Sam: I missed you too, Anna.
Mr. Warner: Welcome back, Sam. Do you promise not to try to burn down the studio again?
Sam: I promise, Mr. Warner.
Mr. Warner: And no more attempts to seize power in this studio when a decision of yours is overridden?
Sam: Nothing worse than a tantrum, sir.
Mr. Warner: Good man, Sam.
Sam: Roll camera! Cue shield!
(Q)
(Q Shield Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: When I said "cue shield," I didn't mean the letter Q.
Scotty: I know, Sam. I admit it was lame.
RoboSoft 3: It was NOT lame, Scotty!
Scotty: It was so lame, RoboSoft 3!
RoboSoft 3: SHEESH!
Scotty: Shush the sheesh!
Sam: First time I've heard Scotty say "shush the sheesh!" Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Dave: It's good to hear Sam using his signature laugh again.
(WW)
(Warner Warner Pictures Inc.)
Sam: "Brothers," Scotty. "Brothers."
Scotty: Oh brother!
(BB)
(Bros. Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Brothers brothers.
Abby: As opposed to sisters sisters.
(WS)
(Warner Sisters Pictures Inc.)
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Dave: Here we go again, folks.
Sam: Scotty, come here!
Scotty: Not another lecture, Sam!
Sam: Yes, another lecture. Why do you keep screaming "Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam" every time I scream "Scottyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"
Scotty: Why do you always treat me like a second grade kid in school?
Sam: Because you always act like one!
Scotty: I do not!
Sam: You do too!
Scotty: I do not!
Sam: You do too!
Scotty: I do not!
Sam: You do too!
Beulah: Are you two at it again?
Abby: Ease up on Scotty, Sam!
Sam: Stay out of this, you bitch!
Abby: Calm down, Abby.
Relax.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, STOP ACTING LIKE A CONTROL FREAK AND DON'T EVER CALL ME A BITCH
YOU SHITHEAD SHITHEAD SHITHEAD SHITHEAD SHITHEAD SHITHEAD SHITHEAD SHITHEAD!!
*BOOM!!*
Mr. Warner: You heard her, Sam. Next time you're told to stop acting like a control freak, don't ever call anyone names!
Sam: Yessir. Asswipe! *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Dave: Uh-oh! Here comes trouble again!
Devil: Oh Dave, you flatter us when you call us trouble.
She-Devil: It's one of our specialties.
Beulah: Ye Gads! Not the Devil and She-Devil again!
Abby: Grab hold of the nearest cross!
Devil: Hands off of those roods!
She-Devil: You know they cause us great pain!
Sam: Thus always to evildoers like you two infernal imps!
Devil: Ah! Microsoft Sam! We're so glad to see you back here.
She-Devil: If you surrender to us, we'll give you more than you could possibly want.
Dave: I lift my call to God Almighty!
God: I hear your call, Dave.
Devil: Oh no you don't, celestial interferer! I claim Microsoft Sam!
Sam: Let go of me, infernal imp!
She-Devil: And I claim Dave. We have unfinished business to take care of.
Dave: You just can't resist an opportunity to come on to me, can you?
She-Devil: I love it when you flatter me, Dave.
Angela the Angel: Are these infernal imps bothering you again?
Guy the White: If they are, we'll beat them back for you.
Devil: Not so fast, so-called Guy the White! Surrender to us immediately!
Guy the White: I will do nothing of the kind!
She-Devil: If you refuse, the Devil and I will shit all over davemadson and his friends!
Angela the Angel: Disgusting!
God: If you do that, you'll feel My Wrath again, and it's not scandalous! It never has been scandalous, and it never will be scandalous!
Devil: We've stood enough from you celestial interferers! Let's let them have it, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Whatever you say! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Sam: Hah! You missed again, netherworld ninnies!
Dave: They meant to get us, but they got themselves instead!
Devil: Gugh! You tricked us yet again! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[Devil barfing]
She-Devil: We're not supposed to shit all over each other! Eeeewww! Eeeewww!
[She-Devil barfing]
Guy the White: It serves them right for trying to seize me!
Angela the Angel: You said it, Guy. They got a taste of their own medicine again.
God: Now to send these filthy animals back where they belong!
[God releases and zaps stronger powers to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devils fall back through the LT rings]
*LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Curses! Beaten again! That hard landing hurts! Ouch!
She-Devil: We almost had Sam, we almost had Dave, we almost had Guy, and now we have nothing! And oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Sam: They not only have nothing, they are nothing.
Dave: And good riddance to bad rubbish!
Devil: Oh cervical cancer!
(WP)
Sam: Not "WP."
(WD)
Sam: Not "WD."
(WC)
Sam: Not even "WC." It's "WB."
Scotty: You want it, you got it!
(Wb)
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
CAN'T YOU ASSWIPES GET ANYTHING RIGHT?
IT'S NOT A LOWER-CASE B BUT A CAPITAL B
YOU ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
*BOOM!!*
Anna: Are you all right, Sam?
Sam: I'm all right, Anna. Gee, that tantrum felt great!
Dave: That's our Microsoft Sam! Now that you're back and we've brushed those pesky demons aside, let's go out to eat.
Sam: Great idea, Dave. Where are we eating?
Dave: I thought you'd never ask.
Dave reading: CHEZ MONYOU!!
Sam: Oh listeria!
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: Here!
Mike: There!
Mary: And everywhere!
Anna: Long live the Beatles!
Sam: Roll camera!
Scotty: Camera is rolling.
Jimmy: Stop it before it hits something!
Hank: Or before it gathers moss.
Harvey Zilth: Like a rolling stone.
Sidney: Bob Dylan, 1965.
Sam: Cue the shield!
(VP)
(Vitaphone)
Beulah: VP?
Abby: The Vice-President is coming here?
LH Michael: It would be nice if he did come.
LH Michelle: It would be even nicer if the President came.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: The shield is supposed to display WB, not VP!
Scotty: Very funny, Sam!
(VF)
(Very Funny! Pictures Inc.)
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: MICROSOFT SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU? IT'S WB!
Scotty: It's what?
Sam: WB! WB! WB! WB! WB! WB! WB! WB! WB! WB! WB! WB!
(The WB Shield pops up twelve times on the screen)
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY!! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired!?
FIRED!?
Sam: Yes, fired! I've had it with you!
Scotty: You put me down!
Beulah: You heard him, Sam! Put him down!
Sam: Screw you, Beulah! Scotty's still fired, and he'll stay fired! Out you go!
*CRASH!!*
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam! What is the meaning of this?
Sam: I had to fire Scotty for his insubordination, Mr. Warner!
Mr. Warner: Insubordination my ass! You bring Scotty back here right now or you're fired!
Sam: Screw it! Scotty's firing is justified, you hear? Justified!
Dave: Justified my ass! *CROTCH KICK!* Gad! Crotch-kicked again! Where's the justice?
Mr. Warner: Kicking Dave in the crotch is the last straw, Sam!
Sam: Put me down, Mr. Warner, or I'll charge you with mutiny!
Mr. Warner: Mutiny, schmutiny! I warned you against acting like a control freak and you wouldn't listen!
Sam: I'll have you all executed for this!
Mr. Warner: Microsoft Sam, you're fired! Out you go!
*CRASH!!*
Sam: That does it! I'm calling the cops!
RoboSoft 3 reads on-screen: Later, after Dave and Mr. Warner brought Scotty back...
(WP)
(Wild Party Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Wild Party?
Beulah: Sounds like fun!
Abby: I would love to have a wild party with you, Dave.
Dave: Oh, Abby!
(WD)
(War Department Pictures Inc.)
Scotty: War department.
Jimmy: Before they became the Defense Department.
Hank: War. What is it good for?
Harvey Zilth: Absolutely nothing.
Sidney: Say it again.
[Special News Bulletin!]
Harvey Zilth: This is Harvey Zilth with a davemadson enterprises inc. special news bulletin. Microsoft Sam has filed charges of mutiny against the studio and everyone involved. Sam insists he, and only he, has the right to make personnel moves at the studio and is demanding the full penalty of law against the defendants. More details to come as conditions warrant.
(TO)
(Total Outrage Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Take it easy, Dave.
You know Sam can't win the case.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, HOW DARE YOU USUPRT CONTROL OF MY STUDIO AND CHARGE US WITH MUTINY!
THIS IS AN UNFOUNDED CHARGE AND THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL YOU'LL WIN THE CASE, YOU HEAR ME?
NO WAY IN HELL YOU'LL WIN YOU BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD!!
*BOOM!!*
Mr. Warner: Don't get upset over it, Dave. It's just another one of Sam's control-freak tactics.
LH Michael: I think Sam's flipped out.
LH Michelle: I agree.
(PS)
(Progress Server Pictures Inc.)
Officer Flanigan: Did I hear someone throw a tantrum in here?
Dave: That was me, Officer Flanigan. I just couldn't believe Sam would actually file mutiny charges against us in court.
Officer Flanigan: Dave, I'd love to help your case, but unfortunately, Sam named me as a witness for the prosecution.
Sam: That's right, Officer. And right here is where the trial will take place.
(MT)
(Mutiny Trial Pictures Inc.)
RoboSoft 3: The case of Microsoft Sam vs. davemadson enterprises inc. is now in session.
Sam: Your Honor, I intend to show that I, Microsoft Sam, should have sole ownership of the studio and davemadson et al. are guilty of mutiny for overriding my authority and they deserve the full penalty of law.
Mr. Warner: Just a minute, Your Honor. Didn't we have a courtroom drama once before?
RoboSoft 3: Yes indeed, in "Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers 63: Dave's Day in Court."
Mr. Warner: And isn't it true that, in spite of the charges Sam brought against us, he has no proof to show he had sole right of authority at davemadson enterprises inc.?
Sam: Objection! It should be an accepted fact that the studio is mine and should therefore be called Microsoft Sam Enterprises Inc.!
(MS)
(Microsoft Sam Enterprises Inc.)
RoboSoft 3: [Banging gavel] Overruled!
Dave: Your Honor, in light of the fact Sam has no proof of authority, we make a motion that the case be dismissed.
Sam: I oppose your motion, Dave! You're all guilty as sin - all of you!
RoboSoft 3: [Banging gavel] Order in the court!
Sam: But, Your Honor---
RoboSoft 3: Silence! Since you have no proof, I rule that no case of mutiny exists and the charges are dropped.
RoboSoft 3: [Banging gavel] Court adjourned!
(FB)
(Freedom Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Congratulations, Dave!
Abby: We won the case and I'm so proud of you! I love you!
Dave: I love you too.
Mr. Warner: No hard feelings, Sam. It's just that you can't make a court case without the proper evidence to back it up.
Sam: He's right, Sam.
No sense in fighting city hall.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
WHERE IS THE JUSTICE WHEN I NEED IT?
I STILL SAY I SHOULD HAVE SOME AUTHORITY AROUND HERE!
I STILL SAY YOU'RE ALL GUILTY OF MUTINY AND SHOULD DIE FOR IT, YOU HEAR ME?
YOU'RE ALL GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!!
*BOOM!!*
RoboSoft 3: And for that tantrum you threw, Sam, I hereby fine you $500.
Sam: Oh pancreatitis!
(JS)
(Justice is Served! Pictures Inc.)
Sam: You double-crosser, davemadson!
Dave: Who double-crossed who?
Mr. Warner: If anything, Sam, you double-crossed yourself by not showing conclusive proof that the studio is yours.
Sam: Oh yeah? Whatever happened to accepted facts?
Mr. Warner: Nothing can be accepted as fact without the proper evidence to back it up.
Dave: Touche, Sam!
Sam: This is an outrage! I oughta send the Devil and She-Devil after you for this!
Dave: Just try it!
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Beulah: Oh noes! Not the Devil and She-Devil again!
Abby: Save us, Jesus!
Devil: How many times have we told you not to say that name in front of us?
She-Devil: You know it always makes our tails grow limp!
Dave: So WHAT if your tails grow limp? And why must you infernal imps always stir up trouble for us?
Devil: Oh davemadson, always the first with the flattery!
She-Devil: You and I should spend some time alone together.
Dave: You're still too dangerous for me, She-Devil! I know for a fact Sam coaxed you into coming here! I oughta call on God and His Angels to send you back where you came from!
Sam: Just a minute, you traitor! I summoned the Devil and She-Devil here because I still want justice!
God: What's going on here?
Angela the Angel: Are these netherworld ne'er-do-wells causing trouble for you again?
Guy the White: If they are, we'll beat them back for you.
Devil: Get lost, interferers!
She-Devil: We say Sam has a legitimate complaint.
Sam: davemadson and his friends have constantly challenged my legitimate authority in this studio and I demand justice be done!
Dave: Legitimate authority? This is MY studio, Sam!
Sam: Is not.
Dave: Is too.
Sam: Is not!
Dave: Is too! And I say Sam coaxed the Devil and She-Devil here just to bully us!
God: For shame, Microsoft Sam! Summoning up these infernal monsters to do your bidding! I should let them claim you for that stunt alone!
Devil: Now that is music to my ears!
She-Devil: If Sam, Dave and the rest of their friends don't surrender to us, we'll shit all over them!
God: If you pull that disgusting and sickening stunt in My Presence, you will feel My Wrath yet again! And don't you dare call it scandalous because that's a falsehood!
Devil: We've stood enough! Let's get them all, She-Devil!
She-Devil: I'm with you! Bombs---
*THUNDER!!*
God: That repulsive act is forbidden! Take that!
[God zaps powers to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devils fall back through the LT rings]
*LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! And yet another hard crash landing! Ouch!
She-Devil: You forgot to let us take Sam with us! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
God: And Sam, don't you ever call upon any power of darkness again!
Sam: I promise, God. And I'm very sorry for acting like a control freak.
God: Apology accepted. I forgive you.
Guy the White: Sam should know better than to be a control freak in the first place.
Angela the Angel: Agreed. And don't forget, we'll always be there for you whenever those infernal imps stir up trouble.
Dave: And good riddance to bad rubbish!
Devil: Oh sphincter!
(WB)
(Cellphone)
Mike: Cellphone?
Mary: We all have one.
Anna: But we don't do selfies.
Sam: Not Cellphone; Vitaphone.
(WB)
(Vitapheromone)
Scotty: Vitapheromone?
Jimmy: Huh?
(WB)
(Vitapheresis)
Hank: Vitapheresis?
Harvey Zilth: Must be a new method of giving blood.
Sidney: Especially after taking vitamins.
(WB)
(Vitapornography)
LH Michael: Vitapornography?
LH Michelle: Huh?
Sam: NOT VITAPHEROMONE, VITAPHERESIS OR VITAPORNOGRAPHY! VITAPHONE! PHONE! PHONE!
Scotty: Sorry, wrong number! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(WB)
(Vitaphone! Phone! Phone!)
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY, SO HELP ME!
Scotty: No, Sam! Please don't fire me!
Dave: You heard him, Sam!
Mr. Warner: And don't start acting like a control freak again!
Sam: You're right. I won't fire Scotty this time.
Scotty: Then what will you do to me? *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Not in the crotch again, you shithead! Owww!
Sam: *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
Beulah: Do you feel better now, Scotty?
Scotty: Much better, Beulah.
Anna: Don't worry about it, Sam. I'm just glad you didn't need psychiatric treatment.
Sam: I appreciate your concern, Anna. It's just that I always get too set in my old ways.
Mr. Warner: Just so long as you know your place, Sam.
Dave: What say we all go out to eat?
Sam: Great idea, Dave!
Scotty: Where are we eating?
Dave: Where else?
Dave reading: Chez Monyou!!
Scotty: Oh anorexia!
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: Roll camera!
Sam: Cue the shield!
(The Shield)
Sam: Now what?
Mike: You said you wanted the shield.
Mary: So we gave you the shield.
Sam: But what about the lettering on it?
Anna: It says "The Shield" on it, doesn't it?
Scotty: The shield says "The Shield" on it! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Not again, you shithead! Owww!
Sam: *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
Beulah: Are you all right, my darling Scotty?
Scotty: I think Sam's opposed to letting us have any kids! EEE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Abby: At least he didn't have the shield land on his foot again.
Jimmy: That would have been extremely painful.
Hank: I'd sonner have a bomb dropped on me.
Harvey Zilth: Move over, Nagasaki!
Sidney: Beats having the Nyan Cat show up any day in the week.
(Nyan Cat)
LH Michael: Here, kitty, kitty.
LH Michelle: Anybody have any milk for the cat?
Abby: Uh-oh! Can somebody get this Nyan Cat out of here? I feel a sneeze coming on.
Dave: Forsooth! Methinks Abby's allergy returneth!
Sam: Youthinks right, Dave.
Abby: Ah...  Ahhh... Ah-CHOO! *BOOM!!*
Beulah: Gadzooks, Abby! Your sneezes can start a wildfire!
Dave: Don't tell me your allergy's come back!
Abby: It's just a temporary relapse, Dave. I'll be okay.
(AB)
(Asswipe Bros.)
Sam: Asswipe Brothers? Mike should feel at home. He's a total asswipe! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Mike: Screw it, Sam! I am not now, nor have I ever been, nor will I ever be, an asswipe!
Sam: You lie, Mike!
Mike: I truth, Sam!
Dave: Starting up again? You know Mike's not an asswipe, so just forget the whole thing!
Sam: He's right, Sam.
You know it's old news.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAP CRAP CRAP!
WHEN I SAY MIKE'S AN ASSWIPE, I MEAN IT!
I'LL HAVE NO MORE OF THIS FUCKING UP WHAT I SAY IS THE TRUTH
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!!*
Anna: Sam? Are you all right?
Sam: I'm all right, Anna. I guess I'm regressing back into my old ways.
Anna: I'll tell you what: if it's all right with Dave, we can take a few days off while I help you get better.
Sam: That's a good idea, Anna.
Dave: I'm hip.
RoboSoft 3 Reads on-screen: Anna took Sam to her retreat for a week of therapy. When they returned, the bloopers continued.
(TB)
(Therapy Bros.)
Mr. Warner: Good morning, Sam. Do you feel any better?
Sam: Much better. They say I may still have occasional lapses into old ways, but Anna's very good at calming me down.
Anna: True. I hate having to use my laser-eye powers on him.
Mr. Warner: You really need to use your powers to beat back whatever adversaries, short of those infernal imps, the Devil and She-Devil, we might run across.
(Devil and She-Devil)
*ViD Theme*
Dave: Well, speak of the... oh, YOU know!
Devil: Why, davemadson! You never cease to flatter us, do you?
She-Devil: The more I see you, Dave, the fonder I grow of you.
Abby: Hold it right there, She-Devil! Dave's mine!
She-Devil: And who saw him first?
Abby: You let go of me, you infernal leech!
She-Devil: Not before I give you something.
Abby: What will you give me?
She-Devil: This!
[The She-Devil uses the laser-eye powers on Abby]
*BOOM!!*
Dave: You monster! Look what you did to Abby! I lift my call to---
Devil: I forbid you to do that, and that's an order!
She-Devil: If you want to join Abby, Dave, I'll be happy to oblige!
[The She-Devil uses the laser-eye powers on davemadson]
*BOOM!!*
Sam: Now you infernal imps have gone too far! I call upon the Almighty and His angels!
God: I hear your call, Microsoft Sam.
Angela the Angel: Are these filthy underpants of the underworld causing trouble for you again?
Guy the White: We'll beat them back for you.
Devil: I call scandalous interference!
She-Devil: We already zapped Dave and Abby.
Guy the White: Look who's talking scandalous!
Angela the Angel: By divine power, we say to Dave and Abby: Arise and recover!
Dave: Ooh, whatta night!
Abby: What happened? I feel like I've been asleep for a week.
Guy the White: Relax. You'll be okay.
Angela the Angel: You have been cleansed of your wounds.
Dave: Whew! That's a relief!
Abby: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
She-Devil: Cease and desist your scandalous attempts to take what we say is ours away from us!
Devil: We summon the Scary Logo Alliance!
[Scary Logo Alliance]
[Jarring Chord]
Sam: AAAAAAAAAGGHH!! Not all these scary logos at once! [THUD!]
Devil and She-Devil: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Scotty: That's not funny, you maniacs!
Jimmy: You nearly scared Sam to death!
Hank: You could give someone a heart attack that way!
Harvey Zilth: You and your Scary Logo Alliance!
Sidney: They couldn't even scare the wings off of a fly!
Devil: Silence, you meddlers!
She-Devil: We demand that this so-called Guy the White be turned over to us immediately!
Guy the White: Only if Hell freezes over!
She-Devil: Don't you dare say that again!
Devil: You still have no idea how long it takes to get the pilot lit on our realm!
Sam: Are you all right, Sam?
Anna: I'm okay, Anna. Sending all those scary logos in here at once gives me such a fright that Freddy Kruger and Jason Voorhees would be jealous.
God: Scare any more people with those logos and you'll feel My Wrath!
Devil: Say what You will, but to us it will only be scandalous!
She-Devil: Turn Guy the White over to us or we and the Scary Logo Alliance will shit all over davemadson and his friends!
Anna: Don't you dare get filthy with us! Okay, Scary Logo Alliance! Take that!
[Anna uses the laser-eye powers to zap the Scary Logo Alliance]
*BOOM!!*
Sam: Thanks, Anna.
Anna: You're welcome, Sam.
Devil: We've stood enough! Let's get them all, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Whatever you say! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Devil: "Censored!?" What do you mean "censored?"
She-Devil: Next time, show us shitting all over davemadson and his friends or else!
Sam: You missed again, waste dumpers!
Dave: They tried to get us, but got themselves instead!
Devil: Gugh! You tricked us again! Eeeww! Eeeeewww!
[Devil barfing]
She-Devil: Why did you make us shit all over ourselves? Eeeewww! Eeeeeeewwww!
[She-Devil barfing]
Guy the White: Serves them right!
Angela the Angel: You said it, Guy. Once again, they got a taste of their own medicine.
God: Now to send them back where they belong!
[God uses those powers to zap the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devils fall back through the LT rings]
*LOUD CRASH!!*
Devil: Ouch! Beaten again! Enough with the hard landings! Owww!
She-Devil: We just can't win! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: Thus always to evildoers.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video now.
Dave: Once again, good riddance to bad rubbish!
Devil: Oh sphincter!
(The WB Shield is about to explode in many pieces!)
*BOOM!!*
(W n B s P t s c P s s)
Sam: All right, who blew up the shield?
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Sam: Somebody's lying.
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Sam: One of you is lying! Who blew up the shield?
Mr. Warner: It was probably the Devil and She-Devil in retaliation for being driven back without Guy the White.
God: Have no fear. They can be as destructive as they want to, but they cannot overcome Me.
Devil: Sheesh!
God: And shush the sheesh!
(The WB Shield goes to the upper-left)
Mike: Uh-oh! Runaway shield!
Mary: Watch where it lands!
Anna: Whoever catches it keeps it as a prize.
Sam: If they can hold on to it! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(The WB Shield goes to the upper-right)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: I know. The shield should stop after zooming in.
(The WB Shield goes to the lower-left)
LH Michael: Tonight on A&E:
LH Michelle: "The Still Further Adventures of the Runaway Shield."
(The WB Shield goes to the lower-right to make it crash and land Scotty on my foot!)
*CRASH!*
Scotty: EEE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Beulah: Don't tell me the shield hit you again, Scotty!
Scotty: Oh, my foot! It's all smashed! EEE-YOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!
Abby: Poor Scotty. He's still accident-prone.
Dave: He looks like Mick Jagger on a bad night.
Mr. Warner: Mick Jagger on a bad night?
(The WB letters fly out of the shield!)
*CRASH!*
Sam: Hah! That time the letters missed me!
Mike: I guess it's the Teflon effect again, right, Mary? Mary?
Mary: Over here, Mike. The letters got me.
Anna: That's the first time the letters hit Mary after they flew off the shield.
Dave: Time to de-grease the shield again, and also to get Mary and Scotty to the hospital.
RoboSoft 3 Reads on-screen: Mary and Scotty were rushed to City Hospital, where they are expected to recover from their injuries. Stay tuned for more Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers!
Sam: Places everyone! Quiet on the set!
Dave: Oh yeah? What if we made all the noise we want to?
Sam: Then the neighbors will start complaining.
Dave: In that case, we'll be as quiet as churchmice.
Scotty: Mice go to church? I didn't know they were religious.
Jimmy: Did you ever hear of Mouses parting the Red Sea?
Hank: Or of Saint Rodent's Cathedral?
Harvey Zilth: Pixie and Dixie attend a seminary.
Sidney: Mr. Jinks is an atheist.
Sam: Cheese it! Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(The WB shield without the captions)
Sam: Where are the captions?
Scotty: I thought this was closed-captioned.
Mary: Closed captioning.
Anna: For the hearing-impaired.
Mike: Like Sam! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! My crotch! Owww!
Dave: Sam, Sam, Sam.
Sam: Dave, Dave, Dave.
Dave: Why did you kick Mike in the crotch?
Sam: Because he stole my laugh line, that's why.
Mr. Warner: Steady, Sam. You don't own it.
Dave: He's right, Sam. Let others share your laugh line for a change.
Sam: Sorry. Just an old habit I can't shake.
(The captions without the WB shield)
Beulah: First the shield without captions.
Abby: Now the captions without the shield! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: Why must you mock me, Scotty?
Scotty: I don't know, Sam.
Dave: Ease up on Scotty, Sam. You're not a control freak.
Sam: Why should I put up with this?
(WB)
(Why Bother? Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Because I own this studio, Sam.
Sam: Oh sphincter!
(WB)
(Werner Bros. Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Werner Brothers?
LH Michelle: Who are the Werner Brothers?
Sam: Warner, not Werner.
Mr. Warner: MISTER Warner to you, Sam.
Sam: Sheesh!
Mr. Warner: And shush the sheesh!
(WB)
(Weather Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Weather Brothers?
Mary: So we're gonna study meteorology?
Sam: If Scotty doesn't correct the caption, there'll be a storm cloud over his room for a week.
Mr. Warner: Are you threatening Scotty, Sam?
Dave: Because if you are, by Gadfrey, I will---
Sam: You will what? Huh? *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
Anna: Dave, why did you kick Sam in the crotch?
Dave: Because he threatened Scotty, that's why!
Sam: You had no right to kick me in the crotch, Dave. You should at least let me have some authority in this studio.
Mr. Warner: Don't you dare act like a control freak, Sam!
Sam: Fuck you, Mr. Warner!
RoboSoft 3: Later, after Mr. Warner washed Sam's mouth out with soap...
Sam: Bleh! Not with the Lifebuoy again! Gugh! Yucko! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Sam barfing]
Mr. Warner: Sorry I had to do that, Sam, but I don't take language like that from anyone!
Anna: I think Sam's acting like a control freak again, Mr. Warner.
Mr. Warner: I agree, Anna. I suggest you give him some more therapy.
RoboSoft 3: Anna took sam to her retreat for some more therapy. A week later, they returned and the bloopers continued...
(WB)
(Warner Blahs Pictures Inc.)
Dave: How do you feel now, Sam?
Sam: Just great, even though Anna had to zap me a couple of times.
Anna: I admit it was extreme, but Sam needed shock therapy.
(WB)
(Warner Blues Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Sam goes bersek and it gives us the blues.
Hank: He gets mad at Scotty for anything he'd do.
Harvey Zilth: Try to calm him down, he'll make you cry "Boo-Hoo!"
Sidney: He loses no opportunity to make this place a zoo.
Dave: That's why we've all got the Warner Bluuuuuuuuuuuues! Yeah!
(WB)
(Warner Booze Pictures Inc.)
Beulah: Warner Booze?
Abby: I thought this was a dry town.
Sam: Scotty, I wish you'd lay off the booze.
Scotty: The way you've treated me, Sam, you always drive me to drink.
Sam: Just lay off the booze, Scotty.
Scotty: Then what else is there to drink?
RoboSoft 3: DRINK FRIZ! Six Delicious Flavors: Strawberry, Raspberry, Cherry, Orange, Lemon and Lime.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Punctures Inc.)
LH Michael: Warner Bros. Punctures?
LH Michelle: No wonder we keep getting a flat tire.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: What's up now, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam?
Sam: It's "Pictures," not "Punctures!"
Scotty: In the words of Steve Martin, well excuuuuuuuuuuuuse meee!
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY, YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE---
Dave: Cool it, Sam!
Sam: I'm the director and I feel I should have some authority, Dave!
Dave: Are you acting like a control freak again, Sam?
Sam: CONTROL FREAK MY ASS! SCOTTY, YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired!? FIRED!? 
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
MICROSOFT SAM, YOU'RE TURNING INTO A CONTROL FREAK AGAIN!
NOW I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO KILL MYSELF AND IF YOU DENY RESPONSIBILITY YOU'LL BE GUILTY OF PERJURY
YOU DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS DOOFUS!!
*BOOM!!*
Dave: Microsoft Sam, for shame! Acting like a control freak again! Scotty, you're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Dave.
Sam: Dave's right, Sam.
You shouldn't be a control freak anyway.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
DAVEMADSON, YOU LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE!
I AM NOT A CONTROL FREAK AND I WANT SOME AUTHORITY AROUND HERE
YOU ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE ASSWIPE!!
*BOOM!!*
Dave: The authority I gave you, Sam, is as a director, so stop thinking you own the place, capeesh?
Sam: Yessir. Asswipe!
Anna: I hate to do this to you, Sam, but it's only for your own good!
[Anna zaps Sam with her own laser-eye powers]
*BOOM!!*
Sam: Thanks, Anna. You save me from becoming a basket case.
Anna: You're welcome, Sam.
Beulah: So Anna gives Sam shock therapy now?
Abby: I'd love to give it to Dave sometime.
Dave: Just keep it private, Abby.
Abby: Sorry, Dave, but you know I love you.
Dave: I love you too, Abby.
(WB)
(Warning Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Scotty: Warning Brothers? Sam always warns me of dire consequences every time we screw up.
Mr. Warner: Why should he, Scotty? I love these bloopers. They're funny! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(WB)
(Wash Basin Pictures Inc.)
Mary: Wash Basin Pictures?
Anna: It must be time to do the laundry.
Mike: Sam doesn't need to be laundered, because he's all washed up! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: Asswipe!
Mike: Sonofabitch!
Mr. Warner: Watch your language!
Sam: Wisenheimer!
Mike: Blockhead!
(WB)
(Wisenheimer Blockhead Pictures Inc.)
Jimmy: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Hank: Wisenheimer Blockhead!
Harvey Zilth: Now we're gonna have the Three Stooges?
Sidney: Sam, Mike and Dave!
Dave: Watch it, Sidney!
Sidney: Sorry, Dave.
(The WB Shield stopped)
(The W falls apart)
(The B falls apart)
(The shield falls apart)
(The rings fall apart)
LH Michael: Holy Schneikees! The set's fallen apart again!
LH Michelle: Time to get the Krazy Glue.
Anna: And use some on Sam. He's krazy.
Sam: Anna!
Anna: Just kidding, Sam, but that's why I love you.
Sam: I love you too, Anna.
Dave: While they're repairing the set, let's all go out to eat.
Sam: Great idea, Dave. Where should we go?
Dave: Where else?
Dave reading: CHEZ MONYOU!
Sam: Oh listeria!
Sam: Ready, Dave?
Dave: Ready, Sam!
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Cue shield!
(CUE)
(Cue Shield Pictures Inc.)
Dave: That was lame!
RoboSoft 3: It was NOT lame, Dave!
Dave: It was SO lame, RoboSoft 3!
RoboSoft 3: SHEESH!
Dave: Shush the sheesh!
(SP)
(Sheesh Police Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Sheesh Police, where are you coming from?
Mary: Sheesh Police, nobody knows who you are.
Sam: Dave, you're under arrest.
Dave: Who are you, the Sheesh Police?
Sam: I'm the Chief of the Sheesh Police, and you are charged with violating one's right to say "Sheesh" by saying "Shush the sheesh."
Dave: I saw such a law is unconstitutional!
Officer Flanigan: He's right, Sam. You can't have a law prohibiting someone from saying "shush the sheesh" if he or she is annoyed by someone saying "sheesh."
Dave: Touche, Sam!
Anna: So much for the Sheesh Police.
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
I DENY THAT SAYING "SHEESH" IS ANNOYING, YOU HEAR ME?
SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH SHEESH!!
*BOOM!!*
Mr. Warner: What's going on here?
Dave: Sam just threw a tantrum because he doesn't believe saying "sheesh" annoys some people.
Sam: I'm sorry, Dave. I guess you can't suppress other people's rights while defending your own.
Officer Flanigan: Good man, Sam.
(SB)
(Sphincter Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Scotty: Sphincter Brothers? Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! You kicked me in the crotch again, you shithead! Owww!
Sam: *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
Beulah: That'll teach Sam not to hurt Scotty! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Why did you kick me in the crotch? OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Jimmy: Well, how about that! Beulah got kicked in the crotch for once!
Hank: Because she kicked Sam in the crotch.
Harvey Zilth: And because Sam kicked Scotty in the crotch.
Sidney: And it goes on and on and on.
Sam: I wouldn't have kicked Scotty in the crotch if he hadn't stole my laugh line.
Beulah: And I wouldn't have kicked Sam in the crotch if he hadn't kicked Scotty in the crotch.
Abby: But who kicked Beulah in the crotch?
Mr. Warner: Don't look at me, Abby.
Officer Flanigan: Although I'm good at karate, I'm not a cad.
Dave: Then who did it?
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Beulah: Oh noes! Not the Devil and She-Devil again!
Abby: Grab hold of the nearest cross!
Devil: Hands off of those roods!
She-Devil: You know they cause us great pain!
Dave: So! Lucifer and Lucretia McEvil barge into my studio again!
Devil: Oh Dave, you flatter us!
She-Devil: You always make me feel more attracted to you.
Abby: Hold on there, She-Devil! Dave's mine!
She-Devil: Do you want me to zap you again?
Abby: No way!
She-Devil: Then stay out of this!
Beulah: Now I know who crotch-kicked me!
God: What's going on here?
Angela the Angel: Are these hellions bothering you again?
Guy the White: We'll beat them back for you!
Devil: You scandalous interferers!
She-Devil: You give us Guy the White or I'll take Dave for myself!
Dave: You are still too dangerous for me, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Am I, my darling?
Guy the White: There's no way I'll surrender to the dark powers!
Angela the Angel: And relieving yourselves all over davemadson and his friends won't work either. It would only make them sick.
God: And for that, I'd send you infernal outcasts back where you came from!
Dave: You heard it from the Highest Authority! Begone!
Devil: Get a hold of yourself, Lucifer.
You know your limits.
Stay
cool.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on
now!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
I STILL SAY GUY IS MINE BECAUSE THE SHE-DEVIL AND I DESTROYED HIS BODY
AND TO WITHHOLD HIS SOUL FROM US IS SCANDALOUS, YOU HEAR ME?
SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS SCANDALOUS!!
*BOOM!!*
She-Devil: Now look what you did! You made the Devil throw a tantrum!
God: He can rant and rave all he wants to, but his rules will never supersede Mine!
She-Devil: We warned you against withholding our property! davemadson, you're gonna get it! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Dave: Gugh! You sludge-spilling ogress! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Dave barfing]
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angela the Angel: A million frowns on what the She-Devil just did to Dave!
God: I'm sending these maleficent trash-dumpers back where they belong right now! Take that!
[God releases powers to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devil and She-Devil fall back]
[CRASH!!]
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! These hard landings hurt! Ouch!
She-Devil: One of these days, we will expose the sins Guy committed on Earth! Oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
God: Sore losers, yes. Prophets, no!
Devil: Oh sphincter!
Guy the White: Good riddance to bad rubbish!
Angela the Angel: I've cleaned you up, Dave. You may resume your video.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Devil: Oh Lou Gehrig's disease!
(Abstract WB)
Sam: It's the Abstract WB logo again.
Scotty: What did you expect, a concrete one?
(Paramount Television)
Jimmy: Paramount in Looney Tunes?
Hank: Daffy Duck meets Little Audrey.
(Rankin-Bass)
Harvey Zilth: Rankin-Bass?
Sidney: Take the B out and you'll get what the Devil and She-Devil each have: a rankin' ass! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: Good one, Sidney!
(Westinghouse)
Announcer: You can be sure...if it's Westinghouse.
Beulah: Can we really be sure if it's Westinghouse?
Abby: It could be General Electric! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sam: What did I tell you? NO COMMERCIAL PLUGS IN A LOONEY TUNE!!
(ABC)
LH Michael: The Elementary Network.
LH Michelle: It's as easy as A-B-C.
(CBS)
Mike: CBS. The Cyclops Broadcasting System.
Mary: Cyclops Broadcasting System?
Sam: It has one eye! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rolf!
Dave: "Rofl rofl rofl rolf?"
Anna: Oh Sam, you blew your lines again!
Sam: Oh shpincter!
Mr. Warner: "Shpincter!"
(NBC Peacock)
Announcer: The following program is brought to you in Living Color on NBC.
Sam: Scotty, come here!
Scotty: Here we go again with another lecture.
Sam: Once again, you always forget that the only logo that belongs here is the WB Shield.
Scotty: Once again, you're treating me like a second grade kid in school!
Sam: Your brain's got so many holes, it looks like Swiss cheese!
Scotty: Oh yeah? Well, your brain was obviously switched with that of Genghis Khan!
Sam: Get out of here, Scotty! You're fired!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
Dave: Spare the tantrum, Scotty. You're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Dave.
Sam: davemadson, I accuse you of mutiny!
Mr. Warner: Mutiny, schmutiny! I won't let you press charges against Dave! He outranks you, so there!
Sam: What's the point of being a director if I can't have any authority?
Dave: You do have some authority, Sam. I'm talking about rank.
Anna: He's right, Sam. We all know our place in this studio.
Sam: Thanks for bringing me back down to earth, Anna.
Officer Flanigan: Sorry to interrupt a friendly discussion, but we've just received an urgent message.
Dave: What does it say?
RoboSoft 3: "To Whom It May Concern: We have evidence proving beyond all doubt that Guy belongs to us, and if the Almighty doesn't surrender him to us, we will destroy the universe! Signed, the Devil and She-Devil."
Sam: Guy's one of God's angels. He'd never surrender him to the powers of darkness.
Dave: And those infernal imps will have a pretty tough time proving their evidence would stand up in court.
RoboSoft 3: Will Dave and his friends have enough evidence to counter the Devil and She-Devil's claims against Guy the White? Or is everyone and everything in the known universe doomed to utter destruction? Find out in the next episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers!
RoboSoft 3 reading: "In our last episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers..."
RoboSoft 3 narrating: "Microsoft Sam learned a few hard lessons about authority and rank. The Devil and She-Devil made another intrusion, making a claim that Guy the White, formerly the Shield Guy, belonged to them. God and the angels intervened, refusing to surrender Guy to the dark powers. The She-Devil grabbed Dave, threatening to claim him for herself. The Devil threw a tantrum and the She-Devil relieved herself all over Dave, prompting God to send the infernal imps back to their lair while the angels cleaned Dave up. Officer Flanigan delivered an urgent message from the Devil and She-Devil, threatening to destroy the universe if Guy did not surrender. Unintimidated, the staff carried on with the bloopers."
Sam: Places everyone! Roll camera! Shield the cue!
(SC)
(Shield the Cue Pictures Inc.)
Scotty: "Shield the cue?" Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Mike: "Shield the cue?"
Mary: Looks like Sam blew his line again.
Anna: What would we shield a cue from?
Sam: Did I say "shield the cue?" I'm sorry. I meant "cue the shield."
(The Shield)
Dave: Lame!
RoboSoft 3: Not lame!
Dave: So lame!
RoboSoft 3: So not lame!
Dave: Look, RoboSoft 3, if I say it's lame, it's lame, so there!
RoboSoft 3: Okay, Dave, you asked for it!
(The WB letters fly off the shield)
*CRASH!*
Dave: Gad! That RoboSoft 3 has a short temper!
RoboSoft 3: You had it coming, Dave, for saying a joke was lame when it's not!
Mary: It wasn't lame; just a joke that wore thin.
Anna: Hang on, Dave. We'll pry the letters off of you.
RoboSoft 3: Later, after Mary and Anna pried the letters off of Dave...
(W Shield)
Jimmy: Just the W? Where's the B?
Hank: Just a minute. We'll locate it.
(B Shield)
Harvey Zilth: Where's the W?
Sidney: It may be a cliche by now, but we used it to retrieve the B.
Sam: Cliche or no cliche, let's at least get it right.
(Blank Shield)
Beulah: There's nothing on this shield.
Abby: That means Dave can write love letters to me on it.
Dave: Later, Abby. I promise.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: Where are the letters? And if you say "in the mailbox" I'll kick you in the crotch!
Scotty: Sheesh, Sam! You're no fun anymore!
(WB letters)
LH Michael: First the shield without the letters.
LH Michelle: Now the letters without the shield.
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY, YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE---
Mr. Warner: I forbid you to fire Scotty, Sam!
Sam: Can't you respect my authority anymore, Mr. Warner?
Mr. Warner: I do respect your authority, Sam, but Dave and I outrank you.
Dave: You know about Scotty's threats of suicide if you kicked him out of here for good.
Sam: I'd deny all responsibility and there's no way in Hell I'd be lying because Scotty's a dime-a-dozen bum!
Scotty: I'm not a dime-a-dozen bum, Sam!
Sam: You are too a dime-a-dozen bum!
Scotty: I am not!
Sam: You are too!
Scotty: I am not!
Sam: You are too!
Dave: Shall we, Mr. Warner?
Mr. Warner: Let's.
*DOUBLE CROTCH KICK!*
Scotty: Ouch! Crotch-kicked again! Owww!
Sam: SOI!!
Dave: And we hope this teaches both of you not to act like little kids!
Mr. Warner: This is a production studio, not a nursery school!
(NS)
(Nursery School Pictures Inc. Presents -- Kiddie Fights Starring Microsoft Sam and Radar Overseer Scotty)
Scotty: We are not little kids!
Mr. Warner: No, but you were acting like little kids.
Sam: That does it! davemadson, I don't care what jurisdiction you and Mr. Warner take over me, but I oughta send the Devil and She-Devil after you for this!
Dave: Just try it!
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Beulah: Oh noes! It's the Devil and the She-Devil again!
Abby: Save us, Jesus!
Devil: We forbid you to say that name in front of us again!
She-Devil: It always makes our tails grow limp!
Dave: I call upon God and His angels!
God: I hear your call, Dave.
Angela the Angel: Experiencing more trouble from these maleficent marauders?
Guy the White: If you are, we'll beat them back for you!
Devil: It's you we're really come for, Guy the White!
She-Devil: We know about the sins you committed on Earth!
God: Those sins have been forgiven.
Dave: Microsoft Sam coaxed these infernal imps into coming here again!
God: For shame, Microsoft Sam! I ought to zap you good for this!
Devil: Go ahead, God! Zap Microsoft Sam to smithereens!
She-Devil: Then we can claim him along with Guy the White!
Guy the White: Just a minute! I was absolved of all sins after you diabolical destroyers blasted my body to oblivion!
Devil: Not all of them, Guy.
She-Devil: While you were the Shield Guy, you had several run-ins with Microsoft Sam.
Devil: Insubordination is an unforgivable sin.
She-Devil: Therefore, you must surrender to us or the whole universe will be destroyed!
God: Now that is scandalous! You have no proof to show insubordination against on earthly boss is unforgivable!
Devil: In our realm, it's an accepted fact!
Angela the Angel: To us, it's an insufferable lie!
She-Devil: Surrender to us, Guy, or everyone and everything in the universe is doomed!
Guy the White: Never!
God: And I forbid you from destroying the universe I created! Begone!
Devil: We summon the Scary Logo Alliance!
(Scary Logo Alliance)
Sam: Nice try, but this Scary Logo Alliance doesn't scare me anymore!
Devil: You asswipe, Sam!
God: How dare you use such language in My Presence! Take that!
(The God zaps powers to the Devil)
Devil: I defy You! I defy You! I defy You! I de---
*BOOM!!*
She-Devil: Control yourself, She-Devil.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum
is
coming
on
now!
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
HOW DARE YOU ZAP THE DEVIL SO!
YOU'LL NEVER STOP US FROM GETTING WHAT WE WANT, YOU HEAR ME?
WE WILL WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN!!
*BOOM!!*
Anna: Now's my chance to send those scary logos back!
[Anna zaps powers to the Scary Logo Alliance]
*BOOM!!*
Dave: Good shot, Anna!
Anna: Maybe I'll teach you and your friends how to use the kind of powers I have.
God: Now to send these maleficent marauders back where they belong!
[God zaps strong powers to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
(The Devil and She-Devil falls back through the LT rings)
*CRASH!!*
Devil: Ouch! Another hard landing! They didn't even give us a chance! Owww!
She-Devil: They rejected our claim, they beat us back, and we're hurting like our realm! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Dave: And good riddance to bad rubbish!
Devil: Oh fall of Carthage!
(WB)
(Wooden Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Wooden Brothers?
Mary: As opposed to the Plant Sisters?
(WB)
(Warner Brats Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: Warner Brats?
LH Michelle: Like Sam and Scotty earlier in this video? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! My crotch! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Dave: Sam, why must you be such a cad?
Sam: Sorry, Dave. I had to retaliate for being crotch-kicked earlier in this video! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rifl rafl rufl!
Mr. Warner: "Rofl rifl rafl rufl?"
Sam: Oh diarrhea!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc.)
*BOOM!!*
(W r B s P s I c P s)
Scotty: Uh-oh!
Jimmy: Methinks we goofed again.
Hank: Youthinks right, Jimmy.
Harvey Zilth: Yet another shield bomb.
Sidney: Better to have the shield blow up than have the known universe blow up.
Beulah: Shield bombs.
Abby: A new method of waging war.
Anna: Who could have planted a bomb in the shield this time?
Officer Flanigan: Probably the Devil and She-Devil in retaliation for having been foiled yet again.
Guy the White: We knew all along they can't take me away.
Angela the Angel: And remember, we will always be with you whenever trouble rears its ugly head.
Dave: Thank God we survived another run-in with those diabolical do-badders.
God: You're welcome.
Devil: Oh intercourse!
She-Devil: Maybe tomorrow. We're still in great pain. OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
The rings: OWWWW!
Sam: Did someone get hurt?
Dave: I accidentally banged my fingers when I came in.
Sam: Hmmm...they look all right to me.
Dave: Let's get cracking.
(GC)
(Get Cracking Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Sam?
Sam: Did you put the cat out last night?
Scotty: We don't have a cat, Sam.
Jimmy: Not a creature is stirring.
Hank: Not even a mouse.
Harvey Zilth: And it isn't even Christmas.
Sidney: Why did the blooper prompt Sam to ask Scotty if he put out the cat when we don't even have one?
Mike: Why did the blooper cross the road?
Mary: To get to the other side! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
(BC)
(Blooper Crossing Pictures Inc.)
Anna: Blooper crossing.
Beulah: Cross bloopers?
Abby: I saw a sign yesterday that read "Cross Bloopers Walk."
Sam: Cross bloopers walk, cheerful bloopers ride! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(What Microsoft Sam Is Always Full Of: (BS))
Sam: Ha ha ha! Very funny!
(WF)
(What The F---! Pictures Inc.)
LH Michael: What the F--- Pictures.
LH Michelle: Even the titles don't know what's going on.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: Why do I put up with you, Scotty?
Scotty: I don't know, Sam.
Dave: Next blooper!
(NB)
(Next Blooper Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Don't be so danged literal!
(DL)
(Danged Literal Pictures Inc.)
Sam: RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY, YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE---
Dave: Not again, Sam!
Mr. Warner: I warned you against firing Scotty, Sam!
Sam: But Mr. Warner, I don't know any other way to punish Scotty and make it stick!
Mr. Warner: Remember your place in the hierarchy, Sam.
Dave: And stop having delusions of godhood, capeesh?
Sam: They're right, Sam.
Don't get upset.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAP CRAP CRAP!
DELUSIONS OF GODHOOD MY ASS!
I SHOULD HAVE A RIGHT TO FIRE SCOTTY FOR FUCKING UP THE LOONEY TUNES INTRO WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT, YOU HEAR ME?
YOU ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES ASSWIPES!!
*BOOM!!*
Anna: Sam? Are you all right?
Sam: I'm all right, Anna. It was something I just had to get off my chest.
Anna: That's okay, Sam. We all need to let off steam every once in a while.
Sam: Thanks, Anna. I feel better already.
(WB Shield is acting like a yo-yo)
Mike: The shield's acting like a yo-yo again.
Mary: Maybe we'll have a yo-yo acting like a shield.
(Nyan Cat)
Beulah: Here comes the Nyan Cat again.
Abby: Uh-oh. I feel my allergy coming on again. Ah... Ahhh... Ah-CHOO!
*BOOM!!*
Beulah: Gesundheit, Abby!
Abby: Thanks, Beulah.
Dave: Abby, I thought you were cured of your allergy.
Abby: Sorry, Dave, but something's in the air that's giving me occasional relapses.
Dave: I agree, Abby, but what?
(Red NYET)
Dave: Oh sludge! It's that Red NYET again!
Red NYET: That's right, davemadson, and I've come for Microsoft Sam.
Sam: Sorry, Red NYET, but you can't have me.
Red NYET: The Devil and She-Devil will hear about us!
Dave: If they show up, we'll call God and His angels to beat them back!
Red NYET: If you mention those scandalous interferers once more, I'll shit all over you!
Anna: Don't you dare get filthy with us!
Red NYET: Don't make me shit all over you too, you harlot!
Anna: I said don't you dare get filthy with us, and I am not a harlot! Take that!
[Anna zaps strong powers to the Red NYET]
*BOOM!!*
Anna: There! I've sent that evil logo back where it belongs!
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Beulah: Oh noes! Not the Devil and She-Devil again!
Abby: Grab hold of the nearest cross!
Devil: Hands off of those roods!
She-Devil: They always cause us great pain!
Dave: As well they should, you horrendous hellhounds!
Devil: Flattery, flattery, flattery!
She-Devil: Oh Dave, I love it when you flatter us!
Sam: Uh-oh! Looks like they're at it again. Time to call upon God and His angels.
God: We hear your call, Sam.
Angela the Angel: Are these horrendous hellhounds harassing you?
Guy the White: We'll beat them back for you.
Devil: Oh no you don't, scandalous interferers! I claim Microsoft Sam!
Sam: You let go of me!
She-Devil: And I claim Dave. His flattery always fascinates me.
Dave: You are still much too dangerous for me, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Am I really too dangerous for you?
Guy the White: You let go of Sam and Dave this instant!
Angela the Angel: You have no proof that they belong to you!
God: Begone, agents of destruction, and darken these doors no more!
Devil: Not so fast, scandalous interferers!
She-Devil: Turn Guy the White over to us immediately!
God: Guy the White is one of Mine, and you are forbidden to take him away from Me!
Devil: If you refuse to give us Guy the White, we will brand Sam and Dave with the Mark of the Beast!
She-Devil: Forbid us from doing that and we'll shit all over them!
Guy the White: Disgusting!
Angela the Angel: You can't torment anyone without showing conclusive proof of guilt first!
God: I forbid you to torment Sam and Dave without proof, and your laws will never supersede Mine!
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Devil and She-Devil: Scandalous!
God: Not scandalous!
Devil: We've stood enough! Let's get them, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Whatever you say! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Devil: "Censored!?" What do you mean "censored?"
She-Devil: Next time, show us shitting all over davemadson and his friends, or else!
Sam: Gugh! Not again! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Sam barfing]
Dave: You'll get yours for this, Devil and She-Devil! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww!
[Dave barfing]
Devil and She-Devil: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Guy the White: That's not funny; that's sick!
Angela the Angel: There is no justification for this vile act!
God: You infernal spewers of hazardous waste! Take that!
[God zaps stronger powers to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
[The Devil and She-Devil falls back]
*CRASH!!*
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! I hate these hard landings! Ouch!
She-Devil: It sucks to always lose like this! And oh, my aching sphincter! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Guy the White: Sam and Dave are all cleaned up now.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video.
Dave: Good riddance to bad rubbish!
Devil: Oh sphincter!
(SL)
(Sore Losers Pictures Inc.)
Scotty: Sore losers?
Jimmy: Just like the Devil and She-Devil.
Hank: They just can't seem to accept the fact that evil always fails.
Harvey Zilth: Just like Sam's attitude when he's the director.
Sidney: He always wants to be the supreme authority here.
Scotty: But he'll never be one as long as Dave and Mr. Warner are here! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! You shithead! OWWW!
*CROTCH KICK!*
Sam: SOI!!
*CROTCH KICK!*
Beulah: Ouch! I didn't mean it, Sam! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Sam: I didn't crotch-kick you, Beulah.
Scotty: No, but Sam crotch-kicked me.
Sam: And Beulah crotch-kicked me.
Abby: But who crotch-kicked Beulah?
LH Michael: Don't look at me, Abby.
LH Michelle: I haven't the foggiest idea.
(Rowena)
Dave: Haven't we seen you somewhere before? You look like that mystery lady that visited here some time ago.
Rowena: That was my sister. My name's Rowena.
Sam: What brings you here, Rowena?
Rowena: I've come for you, Sam.
Anna: You can't take Sam. He's mine.
Rowena: Do you want to fight me for him?
Anna: Prepare to be zapped, Rowena!
[Anna zaps powers to Rowena]
*B-B-B-BOOM!!*
Anna: Oh... you got me. Take me to the hospital. OWWW!
Mike: Did you see that, Mary?
Mary: Rowena's powers are even stronger than Anna's.
Rowena: She'll need time to recover, Sam. In the meantime, how'd you like to have fun with me?
Sam: What do you have in mind, Rowena?
Rowena: I'll show you. Hang on!
[Rowena zaps stronger powers to Microsoft Sam]
*B-BOOM!!*
Beulah: Did you see that, Abby?
Abby: Rowena must be stronger than we realize.
Mary: Where has Rowena taken Sam, Dave?
Dave: I don't know, Mary, but something tells me there's something familiar about our recent visitor.
RoboSoft 3: Anna was rushed to the hospital for treatment of wounds sustained in her fight with Rowena... ...but where exactly has Rowena take Sam? Find out in the next episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers!
RoboSoft 3 reading: "In our last episode of Looney Tunes Intro Bloopers..."
RoboSoft 3 narrating: "The Red NYET came to take Microsoft Sam away, but Anna used her laser-eye powers to beat the evil logo parody back. The Devil and She-Devil arrived yet again to menace our heroes. Sam summoned God and His angels in order to send the horrendous hellhounds back. The Devil grabbed Sam and the She-Devil grabbed Dave, threatening to claim them as their own unless Guy the White surrendered. God forbade the Devil and She-Devil to steal Guy from Him. The infernal imps then relieved themselves all over Sam and Dave, prompting God to send them back to their lair. A visitor named Rowena came for Sam. Anna accepted Rowena's challenge to a duel for Sam, but Rowena proved herself too much, sending Anna to the hospital. Rowena then grabbed Sam, and in a trice they both vanished, but where to, no one knows. Meanwhile, the bloopers continue."
(VS)
(Vanishing Sam Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Does anybody know where Sam went?
Mike: I don't know, Dave.
Mary: Rowena took Sam somewhere, but we don't know where they went.
Scotty: It's not like Sam to vanish into thin air.
Jimmy: Or even fat air.
Hank: We've known him for years to be full of hot air! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Harvey Zilth: That's not funny, Hank. It's not cool to laugh at a kidnapping.
Sidney: Sam wasn't kidnapped. Rowena took him.
Beulah: I didn't know anyone alive who had the power to spirit Sam away just like that.
Abby: A flash of light, a blinding explosion, and both were out of here quicker than you can say "Harry Houdini."
LH Michael: Rowena must be an otherworldly being.
LH Michelle: Yeah, LH Michael, but is she on the good side or the dark side?
Mr. Warner: I hope that, wherever they are, she doesn't do him wrong.
(EB)
(Escapade Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Mr. Warner: By the way, has anyone seen Anna?
Dave: As far as I know, Mr. Warner, she's still in the hospital recovering from her wounds in that duel with Rowena.
[Special News Bulletin!]
Harvey Zilth: This is Harvey Zilth with a special news bulletin. Microsoft Anna is recovering faster than expected and doctors say she'll be out of the hospital very soon. Meanwhile, Rowena and Microsoft Sam are still missing, but reports say they are alive and well and in a secluded spot known only to Rowena. We'll keep you posted as conditions warrant.
(WB)
(Warrant Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Uh, Scotty?
Scotty: Yeah, Dave?
Dave: It's supposed to be "Warner Bros.", not "Warrant Bros."
Scotty: Sorry, Dave. I heard Harvey say "warrant" in his news bulletin and it must have confused me.
(WB)
(Wildly Brainless Pictures Inc.)
Dave: All right! Who's calling me wildly brainless?
Jimmy: Not me.
Hank: Not me.
Harvey Zilth: Not me.
Sidney: Not me.
Scotty: Nobody's calling you wildly brainless, Dave.
Dave: The caption above the shield should not display "Wildly Brainless!"
Anna: They're only teasing you, Dave.
Dave: Anna! How are you feeling?
Anna: Just fine, Dave. The doctor says I have remarkable powers of healing. I just didn't think I'd take such a beating in my duel with Rowena.
Dave: She's out with Sam somewhere.
Anna: If I find out she made out with him---
Mr. Warner: Cool it, Anna. I think someone's coming in.
(Rowena and Microsoft Sam are riding the WB Shield like Bugs Bunny)
Rowena: So this is what it's like to ride the shield. I find it exciting, don't you, Sam?
Sam: Shield riding is fun, Rowena, but I wish it weren't so pointy.
Anna: Microsoft Sam! Get down off of that shield!
Sam: Yessir.
Mr. Warner: The very idea! Disappearing with some cheap floozy and then riding the shield! If I were your father, I'd give you a good spanking!
Rowena: Don't be so rough on him, Mr. Warner. Thanks to my own brand of therapy, Sam can no longer get upset when he's overruled by you or Dave.
Anna: How many therapists does this studio need?
Rowena: Anna, you're not jealous of me, are you?
Anna: Jealous? Me? I'm as cool as the other side of the pillow.
(JB)
(Jealousy Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Sam: There's no need to fight over me. Sometimes it takes more than one therapist to soothe one's befuddled brains.
Anna: I can't argue with that, Sam.
Rowena: I've got a surprise for all of you.
(SB)
(Sam's Baby Pictures Inc.)
Sam: Baby? What baby? I don't have any babies.
Rowena: That's the surprise. I'm carrying Sam's baby.
Anna: Sam? Did you cheat on me?
Sam: It's not what you think it is, Anna.
Anna: Getting another woman pregnant, huh? Well, that does it, Sam! It's over!
(BB)
(Break-Up Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Scotty: Sam's a cheater? Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! What did I do, you shithead? Owww!
Dave: Sam, Sam, Sam. Did you cheat on Anna by getting Rowena pregnant?
Sam: Dave, Dave, Dave, stay out of my private life!
Jimmy: Sam's a cheater?
Hank: I never thought I'd see the day.
Harvey Zilth: This will be my biggest news story yet.
Sidney: Sam cheats on Anna by getting Rowena pregnant? Front-page tabloid news!
(TB)
(Tabloid Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents --- M. Sam: Portrait of a Cheater Starring Microsoft Sam)
Sam: Take it easy, Sam.
Remain
calm.
Uh-oh!
Tantrum in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAPPITY CRAP!
ROWENA, YOU BITCH!
YOU PLANTED THAT BABY STORY JUST TO MAKE ANNA WALK OUT ON ME!
I'LL GET YOU GOOD FOR THIS YOU BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH!!
*BOOM!!*
Beulah: Why get so upset over it, Sam?
Abby: You know what's done is done.
LH Michael: If Rowena's really pregnant, as she says she is, that makes you a father.
LH Michelle: And the baby would be your daughter or son.
Rowena: Anybody have pickles and ice cream?
Mr. Warner: If she craves pickles and ice cream, she must really be pregnant.
Anna: That settles it. I can't live with a cheater anymore. Goodbye, Sam.
Sam: Anna! Come back!
Dave: Too late, Sam. She's gone.
Scotty: That's the way it goes, Sam! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: SHUT UP, SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: Well, screw me where the sun won't shine, Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam!
Sam: I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!! SCOTTY, YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE FIRED!!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
Sam: That's right, fired! This time it's for cause, and permanent! Out you go! *CRASH!!*
Rowena: Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: If anyone else steals my laugh line, I'll kick them in the crotch!
Rowena: That won't be necessary, Sam.
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Dave: Oh sludge! Not the Devil and She-Devil again!
Devil: Yes, it's us again.
She-Devil: We've come to see how our great plan is progressing.
Sam: What great plan?
Devil: Oh, you should know by now.
She-Devil: We sent Rowena here to break Sam and Anna up.
Dave: So! I should have known you infernal imps were behind this!
Rowena: Did you think I had that escapade with Sam just for the fun of it?
Sam: You are actually in league with this gruesome twosome, Rowena?
Rowena: How else would they prevent you from summoning the Almighty and His angels to spoil their fun?
God: What's going on here?
Angela the Angel: Are these netherworld nebbishes nagging at you again?
Guy the White: If they are, we'll beat them back for you.
Devil: Too late!
She-Devil: We sent Rowena to have her escapade with Sam.
Devil: And we told her to tell davemadson and his friends that she's carrying Sam's baby.
She-Devil: And we got Anna to break up with him.
Dave: You mean this was all a charade?
Rowena: That's right. I'm not really pregnant.
Dave: In that case, I'll go find Anna and Scotty and bring them back.
Mr. Warner: I'll help you find them, Dave.
God: This was all a charade? For shame!
Devil: Go ahead. Zap Sam to smithereens.
She-Devil: Then he'll be one of ours.
Guy the White: You can't bait the Almighty like that!
Angela the Angel: You know He'd only unleash His Wrath on you and send you back where you came from.
Devil: We say it's scandalous and we'll have none of it! Let's get them, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Whatever you say! Bombs---
*THUNDER!!*
God: I forbid you to soil davemadson and his friends in My Presence! Take that!
(God zaps stronger powers to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!!*
(The Devil and She-Devil fall back)
*CRASH!!*
Devil: Curses! Foiled again! You didn't even give us a chance! Ouch!
She-Devil: Our greatest chance to get Sam into our possession thwarted! I think all my bones are broken! OW-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W!!
Scotty: Whoah! Looks like I just missed the party!
Sam: Good to see you back, Scotty. I'm sorry for firing you. You're re-hired.
Scotty: Thanks, Sam.
God: That's two down and one to go.
Rowena: Do what You will. I'm ready.
God: Time to join your infernal friends!
(God zaps strong powers to Rowena)
*BOOM!!*
(Rowena falls back)
*CRASH!!*
Anna: I'm glad you're all right, Sam. I'm sorry for leaving you.
Mr. Warner: Lucky Dave and I found you and Scotty when we did.
Scotty: We found out that Rowena's pregnancy story was a hoax.
Sam: I knew Rowena's true nature the minute she spirited me away to her secret place.
Anna: I should have known she was fooling us, Sam. I promise never to leave you again. [Anna kissing Sam] I love you, Sam.
Sam: I love you too, Anna.
Scotty: How's about getting the Looney Tunes intro going?
Sam: Good point, Scotty. Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(WB Shield reverse)
Scotty: Uh-oh!
Jimmy: Methinks we goofed again.
Hank: Youthinks right, Jimmy.
Harvey Zilth: We had the right combination that time.
Sidney: Only it went backwards.
Beulah: Too bad Rowena ended up on the wrong side.
Abby: We'll have to invite someone else to our slumber party.
LH Michael: Why not ask LH Michelle?
LH Michelle: Sorry, I don't do slumber parties.
Sam: Shall we try again, Dave?
Dave: Let's wait until tomorrow, Sam. Right now, let's all go out to dinner.
Mike: I'm game.
Mary: So am I.
Anna: Where shall we go, Dave?
Dave: Where else?
Dave reading: CHEZ MONYOU!!
Scotty: Oh listeria!
Sam: Places everyone!
Dave: Roll camera!
Sam: Cue shield!
(Q)
(Q Shield Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Ha ha ha! Very funny!
Scotty: Sam said "Q shield" and we have a Q shield.
Sam: Yeah, but I meant to cue the shield zoom, and not to zoom in a shield with the letter Q on it.
Dave: Besides, that joke is so old that Noah kicked the unicorn off his ark for telling it.
(UB)
(Unicorn Bros. Pictures Inc.)
Dave: Lame!
RoboSoft 3: Not lame!
Dave: So lame!
RoboSoft 3: So not lame!
Dave: You lie, RoboSoft 3! That joke was definitely, unquestionably lame!
RoboSoft 3: How dare you call me a liar, Dave! You asked for it!
(The WB letters fly off the shield)
*CRASH!!*
Dave: Hah! That time you missed me!
RoboSoft 3: Sheesh!
Dave: Shush the sheesh!
Sam: Scotty, get these fucking letters off of me!
Scotty: Okay, Sam.
RoboSoft 3: Later, after Scotty pried the letters off of Sam...
(FS)
(Flat Sam Pictures Inc.)
Mike: Flat Sam?
Mary: How could you breathe if you get flattened?
Sam: It's not easy, Mary. And as for you, Scotty, you know what this means?
Scotty: No, Sam! Please don't fire me! It wasn't my fault the letters flew off the shield!
Mr. Warner: He's right, Sam. If you fire Scotty again, I'll kick you in the crotch!
Sam: As director, I have a right to do what I fucking well please with people who insubordinate against me, including firing them!
Dave: And as producer, I have the right to veto such firings!
Sam: SHUT UP, DAVE! RADAR OVERSEER SCOTTY, YOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE--- *CROTCH KICK!* SOI!!
Anna: Sam, you're the only person I know who can say "soi" after getting kicked in the crotch like that.
Sam: Oh, the pain! I still have some right of control as director and I say Scotty is F-I-R-E-D!
Scotty: Fired? FIRED!?
Dave: Enough of this! Scotty, you're re-hired!
Scotty: Thanks, Dave.
(Abstract WB)
Jimmy: There's that Abstract WB logo again.
Hank: Couldn't they get a concrete one?
(Rankin-Bass)
Harvey Zilth: Rankin-Bass.
Sidney: Stinky fish.
(Paramount Television)
LH Michael: Paramount.
LH Michelle: Two mountains.
Sam: SCOTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!
Scotty: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!
Sam: Come here, Scotty.
Scotty: Here we go again with another one of Sam's boring lectures.
Sam: They're not boring, Scotty.
Scotty: Every time you lecture me, Sam, you always treat me like a second-grade kid in school!
Sam: That's because you always act like one, Scotty.
Scotty: I never act like a second grader, Sam!
Sam: You do too, Scotty!
Scotty: I do not!
Sam: You do too!
Scotty: I do not!
Sam: You do too!
Dave: At it again? Stop fighting!
Mr. Warner: He means it! And if you fire Scotty once more, you're out of here! Understand?
Sam: Yessir. Asswipe! *CROTCH KICK!* Ouch! Get me a doctor! Owww!
(Westinghouse)
Announcer: You can be sure... if it's Westinghouse.
Anna: Do you feel better now, Sam?
Sam: Much better, Anna.
(ABC)
Mike: ABC.
Mary: It's as easy as 1, 2, 3.
Anna: It's as simple as Do Re Mi.
Sam: ABC.
Mr. Warner: 1, 2, 3.
Dave: You and me.
(CBS)
Beulah: I spy, with my little eye, the CBS eye.
Abby: Big Brother is watching! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Scotty: Big Brother?
Jimmy: From Orwell's "1984?"
Hank: Who's watching who?
Harvey Zilth: We'd better watch what we do.
Sidney: Then we won't get much done! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
(NBC)
Announcer: The following program is brought to you in Living Color on NBC.
LH Michael: Brought to you in Living Color?
LH Michelle: As opposed to Dying Color?
Beulah: Tie-dye jeans? Very psychedelic!
Abby: Freak out, man!
(Nyan Cat)
Sam: Here, kitty, kitty.
Dave: Watch out! That Nyan Cat is back and Abby's gonna sneeze again!
Abby: Relax, Dave. Anna showed me how to beat back intruders.
Beulah: Really, Abby? How can you beat back an intruder?
Abby: Simple, Beulah. I've acquired laser-eye powers. I'll show you.
[Abby uses her laser-eye powers to beat the Nyan Cat back]
*BOOM!!*
Anna: Good shot, Abby!
Abby: Thanks, Anna. That Nyan Cat won't bother me anymore.
(Scary Logo Alliance)
Sam: Ye Gads! The Scary Logo Alliance again! Won't they ever learn?
Anna: Stay frosty, Sam. I'll take care of them for you.
Mr. Warner: Be careful, Anna. They may contain venom this time.
Anna: Okay, Scary Logo Alliance! Take that!
[Anna uses her laser-eye powers to knock the Scary Logo Alliance out]
*BOOM!!*
Officer Flanigan: Are you having trouble with intruders again?
Sam: Relax, Officer Flanigan. Abby took care of the Nyan Cat while Anna disposed of the Scary Logo Alliance.
Officer Flanigan: I hear there are two more intruders coming, and they're even more powerful.
Sam: I have a feeling I know who they are.
(Devil and She-Devil)
[ViD Theme]
Dave: Oh sludge! It's the Devil and She-Devil intruding in my studio again!
Devil: That's right, davemadson. This time, we'll take no prisoners.
She-Devil: You may have sent the Nyan Cat and the Scary Logo Alliance back, but you'll never escape our powers.
Mr. Warner: This looks like a job for God and His angels.
God: We hear your call, Mr. Warner.
Angela the Angel: Once again, we see you're being harassed by these netherworld no-goodniks.
Guy the White: Have no fear. We'll beat them back for you.
Devil: Hold your tongues, you scandalous interferers!
She-Devil: This time we'll claim davemadson and his friends as our own.
God: Now you hold your tongues, you infernal soul-grabbers!
Guy the White: You have to have conclusive proof of guilt before you claim a soul - any soul.
Angela the Angel: And you haven't shown any proof to that effect.
God: That means taking a soul for your own without such evidence is the real scandalous act.
Devil: When we say davemadson and his friends sinned against You, we say it's unforgivable.
She-Devil: Therefore, that proves their guilt and we say turn them over to us immediately!
Guy the White: And if you refuse?
Devil and She-Devil: We'll shit all over them!
Angela the Angel: Disgusting!
God: As we warned you before, soil even one of them and feel My Wrath!
Devil: And as we say, that is scandalous and nothing else but scandalous! Let's get them all, She-Devil!
She-Devil: Whatever you say! Bombs away!
*CENSORED!!*
[PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP PLOP]
Sam: Hah! You missed again, agents of waste mismanagement!
Dave: You tried to get us, but you got yourselves instead!
Devil: Gugh! You tricked us yet again! Eeeww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [Devil barfing]
She-Devil: This is crazy! You made us shit all over each other! Eeeewww! Eeeeeeeewwww! [She-Devil barfing]
Guy the White: It serves them right for being so greedy.
Angela the Angel: You said it, Guy. These dirty demons got a taste of their own medicine yet again.
God: Once again, it's time to send these filthy creatures back where they belong!
[God zaps stronger powers to the Devil and She-Devil]
*GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!*
[The Devil and She-Devil falls back]
*CRASH!!*
*BLAM!*
Guy the White: Sic semper evillis. Thus always to evildoers.
Angela the Angel: You may resume your video now.
Dave: Thank God!
God: You're welcome.
Mr. Warner: Before we continue, I should let you all know that I've decided to retire.
Mike: Retire.
Mary: Seriously?
Mr. Warner: That's right. However, I'll still have reels of all the bloopers we've done.
Anna: Speaking of which, we have some unfinished business to take care of.
Sam: That's right, Anna. Roll camera! Cue the shield!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Lunar Toons)
Jimmy: Lunar Toons.
Hank: Music for a trip to the moon.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Tuney Lunes)
Harvey Zilth: Tuney Loons?
Sidney: Music for crazy birds.
Sam: Not Tuney Loons, Looney Tunes.
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Loner Tones)
Beulah: Loner Tones?
Abby: We can colorize the lives of people who live alone. Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
Sam: Oh sphincter!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Luney Tunes)
Sam: Almost there, except that "Looney" should be spelled with two O's and not a U.
LH Michael: Not a U? Not even two U's?
LH Michelle: Then we'd have a UU.
Dave: What's a UU?
Sam: A Japanese yo-yo! Hahahahahahahahahahah soi soi soi soi rofl rofl rofl rofl!
*Time of Day - 4:55 PM*
[Electric buzzer]
Sam: Did someone just razz me?
Anna: Nobody's razzing you, Sam.
Dave: We've got onem ore chance to get it right before Mr. Warner officially retires.
Scotty: Well, here goes nothing!
(WB)
(Warner Bros. Pictures Inc. Presents - Looney Tunes A Warner Bros. Cartoon In Technicolor)
Jimmy: We did it!
Hank: We got the intro correct!
Harvey Zilth: It sure is a good feeling when we get it right.
Sidney: Now Mr. Warner can retire with a clear conscience.
Mr. Warner: In that case, you're all invited to my retirement party.
Mike: I'm game.
Mary: Count me in.
Anna: Wanna go Dutch, Sam?
Sam: I was thinking Chinese.
Beulah: How about something more exotic?
Abby: Something tropical.
Dave: I'd suggest something closer to home.
LH Michael: The Fifth Street Bistro?
LH Michelle: Or Anthony's on the Waterfront?
Scotty: Maybe even Chez Monyou.
Dave: This time, we've hired a caterer.
Mr. Warner: A caterer? Sounds like a good idea.
Officer Flanigan: I'd love to join the party, but I've already signed up for a security gig up north.
Sam: Where at?
Mr. Warner: Nanook's of the North?
Officer Flanigan: How did you know?
Mr. Warner: Call it an inspired guess.
Dave: Oh hypothermia!
[That's all Folks with the sunset background]
Dave: Uh, not quite. After all, give credits where credit is due.
Mary: You got the slide in there wrong, buddy. Get it right.
Sam: Sorry. There. That's better.
Mike: This has been a davemadson enterprises inc. production.
Dave: That's all, folks!