Hottest Day of the Year

Kirsten discovers that vampires are recruiting underage girls via "turning ceremonies." Meanwhile, Carla and John-John are under department supervision, and Stubeck and Billy find a new way to kill zombies.
==Plot Summary==
===Cold Open===
While on patrol during the day in 112-degree weather, Billy asks Stubeck if he's still feeling hurt from his being attacked by vampires last Friday. Stubeck answers that he still has some blood in his urine. Billy casually notes that he had blood in his semen, which disgusts Stubeck when he describes it looking like a candy cane. In an ironic twist, they pull the car over to a Mexican candy store where Billy spots a suspicious looking body lying on the sidewalk. Billy turns the body over with a stick, revealing it to be a zombie with the intense heat cause it to bloat. Billy pokes the zombie, commenting that it smells like balls, before the zombie's bloating stomach bursts and kills it will covering Billy in some of its remains.
===Briefing===
The scene shifts to earlier in the morning, during which it is 89-degrees. Captain Dashell notes that everyone appears to be lacking energy, to which Stubeck responds by asking when the air conditioner will get fixed. Dashell pushes the question aside and continues with the briefing. As a result of John-John's accidental killing of a human senior citizen the previous week, the entire UTF is under temporary oversight by internal affairs. Deputy Chief Ribbons is introduced by Dashell as having no real experience or actual understanding of what the unit actual does.
Ribbons announces that, because of John-John's actions, everyone on the unit must now follow a set of protocols. He hands everyone guideline cards that are to be used when encountering a "Potential Undead Suspect" or PUS. They will also be provided with video earpieces to be worn so that their actions will be recorded throughout the day. Dashell announces that, since they are responsible for bringing this whole situation about, John-John and Rinaldi will be forced to have Ribbons ride around with them for the whole day. He adds that he would rather his team die as a result of an undead attack than from heat stroke and proceeds to rub sunscreen on a very uncomfortable Stubeck's bald head before dismissing everyone to "get out there and kill something."
===Stubeck and Billy===
Shifting back to after their encounter with the bloated zombie, Billy decides to remove his uniform shirt since the car's air conditioner is not getting rid of the smell. Billy further complains that it smells like balls, with Stubeck asking Billy why he is comparing things to balls today. Billy's comments that he is going wife beater in appearance annoys Stubeck, being a happily married man, and wants him to call it white rim tank top. Billy then accuses of Stubeck of not having any fun. Stubeck responds by doing a ridicules dance before asking how folks will know Billy is a cop without his uniform. Billy shows off the UTF logo that he had tatooed on his right arm. Sound guy Jamie admires the tatoo while Stubeck asks where he got it. Billy says from a shop in Van Nuys where they were giving away free gential piercings for every tatoo. Dispatch radios a 1-11 in progress nearby their position, to which Billy tries to goat Stubeck into not answering by saying no one fun would. Stubeck, however, answers.
On their way through Reseda, they pass by a man selling oranges on the street. They comment that he's having it rough having to do business under the intense heat, though Billy quickly disgusts Stubeck by insinuating the oranges are poop pellets. They find three zombies shuffling in an open parking lot. Billy explains that he's not getting out due to his smell, so Stubeck attempts to yell out the new PUS protocol though he quickly finds it as ridicules as Billy does. Stubeck decides to show Billy that he can have fun by engaging in what Billy calls bowling for zombies by running down and running over the zombies. While the officers are having a blast, Jamie starts feeling nauseous before finally puking out of the car. After dispatching the last of the zombies, who Billy dubs "Mickey Rourke," they are about to leave when Stubeck realizes that his back tires are stuck up in Mickey Rourke's corpse.
Going nowhere since all they are doing is splattering internal organs onto the open parking lot, Stubeck and Billy finally decide to get out and push the car off of the zombie corpse. Billy wonders if the camera crew will help, though the cameraman points out they need to get the footage or else their producer will be pissed. While trying to push the car, Stubeck slips and falls onto the zombie corpse to the amusement of everyone else.
Upon getting back into the car, Billy continues to joke at Stubeck's expense while his partner removes his uniform. Seeing how hairy his arms are, Billy jokes that Stubeck should not go out at night for fear of being locked up as a werewolf. Jamie laughs at the joke, to which he gets scolded by Billy that only he is allowed to make fun of Stubeck. Billy asks if any one will notice if they are police officers, to which Stubeck responds that people hopefully will not recognize them as such before driving off.
===Rinaldi and John-John===
John-John complains about the heat, though Rinaldi immediately shoots down his attempts to even suggest that she take her top off. Ribbons accuses John-John of being smug for someone who killed a man in the prime of his life. John-John points out that he was 82 while Ribbons continues that he walked three miles a day despite his age. Dispatch radios that a nearby nursery appears to be under a zombie attack. Rinaldi takes the call and they are off. Ribbons asks how he looks, to which Rinaldi responds that he looks like a douche and Ribbons thanks her for the percieved compliment.
They arrive at the Mel-O-Dee Nursery in Sherman Oaks where Ribbons continues to express the need for them to use the PUS protocols. Rinaldi and John-John express how dumb it is and how people are going to get hurt because of it, but Ribbons will hear none of it and insists on going with them. A zombie emerges from the entry and is about to attack. A panicing Ribbons tries to read off the extensively long announcement from the protocol card until Rinaldi puts the zombie down with a headshot. A shaken Ribbons decides to stay back, though he again demands the two officers follow the new guidelines. After Rinaldi and John-John head in, Ribbons is about to make a phone call to the head office when he is attacked by another zombie.
Inside, John-John reluctantly tries to memorize the PUS protocol when they come upon what is clearly a zombie feeding on a corpose. John-John proceeds with speaking the words on the card when the zombie attacks them. The corpse rises as a zombie and attacks as well, forcing the officers to flee. John-John has dropped his gun and Rinaldi has lost a clip. Once they get enough distance ahead of the zombies, John-John toses Rinaldi an extra clip while he picks up a nearby shovel and manages to knock down a third in-coming zombie.
John-John and Rinaldi get their hands on some power tools, John-John getting a chainsaw while Rinaldi gets a drill. Rinaldi takes one zombie out with a headshot, John-John slices the head off another, Rinaldi weakens the last with the drill so John-John can embed the chainsaw into its head.
As they make their way back to the entrance, John-John and Rinaldi find Ribbons with a zombie bite on his neck. Being Catholic, Ribbons cannot kill himself and therefore needs them to kill him. John-John and Rinaldi decide to have a little fun at Ribbons suffering by noting that they have to follow PUS protocol before they can put him down. They continue to allow Ribbons to suffer before Rinaldi finally puts him down with a headshot. John-John then decides to take out some embedded aggression over the PUS protocols by pulling out his metal bat and beating down on Ribbons' corpse.
===Dashell and Kirsten===
Back at the station, Kirsten reports to Dashell that his niece Natalie is attending another of her parties and wishes to resume her undercover duties. Dashell lets her proceed, saying her name correctly. Kirsten notes this, though Dashell appears not to be paying attention to she decides to simply leave it at that.
That night, Kirsten and Natalie arrive at the party. Kirsten wonders how Rico, the vampire host, is able to afford such a lavish looking residence before Rico meets up with the girls. He announces that tonight's party is special as it is a turning ceremony for Claire, the girl under his arm. He tells Kirsten and Natalie to gets some drinks from the bar before the ceremony gets underway.
Kirsten finds time to talk with Claire, trying to get an understanding of why she would willingly go through the turning. Claire appears to have been seduced by the fact that vampires are practically immortal and control over the zombies. Being with Rico is an added bonus for Claire. Kirsten asks about the control over the zombies statement and Claire explains that vampires appear to have some sort of mental control over them.
Kirsten and Natalie watch as the turning ceremony commences. Claire is blindfolded by Rico before four vampires begin feeding upon her. Rico then feeds upon her last. Having been drained of all human blood, Claire is laid down before opening her eyes now as a full vampire. Natalie wishes to meet up with Claire, but Kirsten is pulled aside by Rico. Rico believes her secret is that she is a bad girl hiding behind a sweet girl facade, apparently not able to realize she is a cop. He then proclaims that she is next for the turning, leaving Kirsten quite shaken.
==Songs Featured==
* "Cough It Up" - The Franks
* "O.T.T.A.P." - STYROFOAM ONES
* "Post Acid" - Wavves
* "Like a Serenade" - Heavy Young Heathens
* "Cross My Heart" - Veronique Van Pelt
Category:Episodes