News Machine, December 2022

The Residents' News Machine is an official news blog dedicated to the activities of The Residents, which has been active at the group's official website since January 13th 2017.
This page collects posts made to this blog in December 2022, archived from the original page by a Mysterious Spanish Lady.
==Blog entries==
===North American Tour, Spring 2023===
Wednesday, December 7 2022, 9:31am
HOLY MOLEY!!! DIRT DAUBERS AND SQUIRRELS!!!!
Yes, indeed, it's ACTUALLY HAPPENING!!! Just when you thought it was safe to stay home and suck seaweed, THE RESIDENTS ARE GOING OUT ON TOUR AGAIN! Yes, and that tour will be starting in Portland on March 16 and going EVERYWHERE! (more or less) So check out your ticket info and BUY! BUY! BUY! or...
----
Here are the dates. Tickets begin sales tomorrow (Thursday) and Friday, and links will be added to the tour page then.
*3/16: Portland, OR - Wonder Ballroom
*3/17: Seattle, WA - Fremont Abbey
*3/18: Vancouver, BC - Hollywood Theatre
*3/20: Salt Lake City, UT - Urban Lounge
*3/21: Denver, CO - Bluebird Theater
*3/23: Minneapolis, MN - The Cedar
*3/24: Chicago, IL - Lincoln Hall
*3/25: Detroit, MI - MOCAD
*3/27: Burlington, VT - Higher Ground
*3/28: Boston, MA - The Sinclair
*3/30: New York, NY - Le Poisson Rouge
*3/31: Philadelphia, PA - The Foundry
*4/1: Baltimore, MD - Ottobar
*4/2: Carrboro, NC - Cat's Cradle
*4/3: Atlanta, GA - Variety Playhouse
*4/7: Dallas, TX - The Kessler
*4/8: Houston, TX - The Heights
*4/9: Austin, TX - Parish
*4/12: Tucson, AZ - 191 Toole
*4/15: Santa Cruz, CA - Rio
*4/17- 4/19: San Francisco, CA - Great American Music Hall
===New Shirt Designs at MVD===
Tuesday, December 13 2022, 6:30pm
Okay, so I'm sure most of you think of MUSIC when you think of The Residents - right? That's where the BIG BUCKS are - right? Well, no... The Residents are T-Shirt salesmen! THAT'S RIGHT! Yeah, okay, they make a little off the sales of their music, but between the thieves, the Spotifies, and the bootleggers, there's not much moolah left over. But T-Shirts... as someone once said, YOU CAN'T DIGITIZE A T-SHIRT!!
So, in the time honored tradition of faithfully enabling THE FACELESS FOUR to pay their alimony, child support, and chip in for their grandchildren's college tuition, we are announcing the sale of THREE T-SHIRTS! including the never-before-seen-on-a-shirt RESIDENTS AT THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE!!!
Pretty cool, huh? So waste no time and BUY! BUY! BUY! or THEY'll be BYE! BYE! BYE!
Official Product
No Satisfaction
Golden Gate Bridge
===SOMETHING WEIRD?===
Wednesday, December 14 2022, 3:12pm
Yes indeed, SOMETHING WEIRD, SPECIAL and HUBBA!-HUBBA!-ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME will be happening in San Francisco in January, 2023. It's so HIDDEN, HUSH-HUSH and THOROUGHLY SWARMING IN SECRECY that we can't tell you any more, but...
If you're curious, perplexed or maybe just NEED TO KNOW, please email us at [REDACTED] and we'll fill you in on the sordid details. And don't forget Consumer Culture's Ultimate Mantra - BUY or DIE!!!
(Please note: you will receive an auto-response. If you don't get a reply within a couple of minutes, check your SPAM folder.)
==See also==
*News Machine
*Residents.com
*BOG
==External links and references==
*The Residents' News Machine
Category:News Machine
Category:Blogs
Category:Reference texts
Category:Residents.com