48/Transcript

Jack Bauer: Previously, on 24... I mean SpongeBob SquarePants.
Denzel Crocker: Behold; our new state-of-the-art weapon in the global war against misbehavior. CTU: The Counter Truancy Unit.
Alicia: I've got something! [Alicia Marquez: Head Hall Monitor Loves Bronies. Hates Phonies.] The sixth grade security camera shows two empty desks.
Denzel Crocker: Enhance!
(Camera zooms in on desk with a piece of paper featuring a big red F on it)
Timmy Turner: Dehance! Dehance!
Denzel Crocker: That's an Ultimate F, Turner!
[Denzel Crocker: Teacher. Mama's Boy.]
Jimmy Neutron: Alicia, I ran the attendance protocols. Here are your two missing students:
Alicia: Hmm. excelente, Neutron.
Timmy, Lincoln & Jimmy: We helped.
[Timmy: Dork. Lincoln: Dink. Jimmy: Are You Going to Finished that Croissant.]
French Narrator: Meanwhile at the Krusty Krab.
(Everyone except for SpongeBob is running and Screaming like crazy)
Krusty Krab Security System: Warning, Radioactive Material inside the Building, All Staff and patrons evacuate, Repeat, All Staff and patrons evacuate.
[The Krusty Krab: Available for Weddings]
[HAZMAT Unit Goes to SpongeBob's Break Room and Finds an Expired and Clearly Radioactive Can of Coral Dew]
HAZMAT Unit: Whoa. This is the source of the stench.
SpongeBob: Hey. Get your own Coral Dew, [shows Soda Fountain] at the Soda Fountain if your Thirsty.
[SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm Ready!]
Mr. Krabs: Vile curd. SpongeBob, you can take your glowing mess far out of my restaurant, it's making me loss money.
SpongeBob: A Bu- a business- a Business Trip?! [SpongeBob explodes]
French Narrator: Meanwhile at Tails' Birthday.
[Transition to the Chuck E. Cheese in Station Square]
Diego: Watch the screen, not your feet. 
Tails: Diego, shut up, I got it. 
Announcer on Speaker Phone: Ladies and Gentleman, It's time for our Birthday Stars to Return to their Tables because Chuck E. is going to Wish you a Happy Birthday.
Sonic: Tails, It's almost Time for Chuck E. is going to wish you on your 10th Birthday. 
Diego: Tag out, Tails, tag out. [Diego Marquez: Animal Rescuer, Japanese Celebrity] 
Una fiesta, amigos, a party my friends (2x)
Go, Diego, Go!
¡Vamos, Diego, Vamos!
Go, Diego, Go!
¡Vamos, Diego, Vamos!
[Transition to Turner Residence]
Mrs. Turner: If someone did eat Timmy's shorts, they would have a tummy full of pocket garbage. (Dimmsdale Elementary Bake Sale, Friday 3 p.m.) The school's having a bake sale today?! At 3:00?! [Mrs. Turner: Never sold a Home in 15 Years] I promised them a cake. I've only got 27 minutes. The pre-heat is on.
Jack Bauer: The following takes place between 2:34 p.m. and 3:04 p.m. Or maybe it's a.m. Whichever one is the morning one. It's not that one.
[Transition to Barg'N-Mart]
SpongeBob: Hi, I'm returning a Soda I wasn't 100 percent satisfied with.
Incidental 39: DEUUEAUGH, if a dead shark and a homeless fish had a baby shark, and the baby shark puked, and a dogfish ate the puke, this smells like the rear end of that dogfish!
I'll give you any Soda or Fountain Drink in the store, just take that thing with you when you go!
Flats: Let's spit in the coffee pots.
Francis: I call hazelnut.
Timmy: Truants moving into the Kwik-E-Mart.
Alicia: I've got a visual.
Francis: Ugh! That Soda is Radioactive. It's just what we've been looking for.
Flats: Now this crossword's nothin' but I want to Hurt you.
Crocker: We've got what we need. Timmy, bring them in.
Alicia: Probably in your Squirrely Scouts Uniform for the best.
Timmy: Roger that (he puts on his Squirrely Scouts Uniform as a Disguise) And, Alicia, if I don't make it, there's a letter in my locker I want you to read, Since you have Recently Replaced Chloe as the Female Squirrely Scout in our troop.
Alicia: I've read your letter.
Denzel Crocker: We've all read it, so that means Virtual F.
Alicia: Wait, Timmy, hold your position.
Something doesn't add up. 
Look what the bullies could have stolen...
Big Chief Rotten Cheeks Chewing Tobacco...
a take-a-penny tray with a quarter in it.
So why steal the soda?
We have to find out what they're up to.
Hmm...
Crocker: Timmy, change of plan... observe and follow.
Timmy: (he took off his Squirrely Scouts Uniform) Permission to buy a bottle of Mega Fizzy Drink to keep my strength up?
Crocker: Approved.
SpongeBob: (goes out of Barg'N-Mart) Hey, Timmy! What are you spying at? Those bullies?
Timmy: Huh, Francis? Ahhhhhhhhh!
Francis: Flats, What about the sponge?
SpongeBob: Huh, Flats? You're going hit me!
Flats: Yes, Because bulking up for football! Into the Dumpster with your Buck-toothed Friend.
SpongeBob: I'm still alive. You call that playing to win?
Timmy: SpongeBob, I'm scared.
SpongeBob: This is our life now, Timmy. We're dumpster folk.
Alicia: I've lost Timmy.
Crocker: He'll be somewhat missed, Well I cover this photograph of his face with an F!
Crocker: Who do we send now?
(Jimmy and Lincoln Fell on some Papers)
Alicia: Crocker, you know we have my brother Diego.
[Diego Puts on his Vest and Rescue Pack]
Crocker: Hello, Diego, want to Help us.
Diego: [On Phone] Sure Denzel Crocker.
Mrs. Turner: Hmm? All out? I can't make my famous raisin sponge-cake without raisins. Kids love the zing of raisins!
Diego: If I help you, I want to add an Afterschool Gunpla Club to your School.
Crocker: No deal.
(he gets up at if to leave)
Diego: 'Kay, suit yourself... it's not as if you have any major events coming up that the bullies would want to disrupt.
Crocker: (gasps) The bake sale!
Alicia: Crocker, as we both know, but you might need reminding, the annual provides 90 percent of the school's funding.
Crocker: Okay, you have a deal.
Diego: Sweet! Now I'm going to need some wheels.
Crocker: Yes, of course. I think we can wrangle you a used Extreme Gear. Do you prefer Vans or Tony Hawk Branded? Diego? Where did he...? Oh I forgot, our CTU Headquarters is next to a Harborside house that is the residence of Diego's Cousin Tails'.
[Soon, Diego gets in the Whirlwind S7 and pullout onto the launchpad in its boat mode.]
Diego: Ready for splashdown. [The Whirlwind S7 splashdowns into the harbor.]
Diego: Lifejacket. [Pulls a string on his Vest and inflates into a Lifejacket.] So, I can Be Safe.
Francis: Road kill, burnt hair, my sister's retainer case, six weeks of bottled farts, possum placenta, sweat from a walk-around Chuck E. Cheese suit. And finally, T.C.N.S. that can of nuclear soda. Okay, everyone, masks on. Gentlemen, we've created the mother of all stink bombs.
Flats: Most satisfactory.
Francis' mom: Francis, sweetie, I have to run to the bank. Are you boys going to be okay alone?
Francis: Put a top on, Mom! Everyone's seen your implants.
Francis' mom: But the doctor said the air will help them...
Francis: Just go!
Flats: Lookin' good, Carol!
Mrs. Turner: I saw it first!
Mrs. Puff: You are such a liar!
Mrs. Turner: You give that to me!
Carl: Must... escape. Must... eat Croissant.
Flats: Dimmesdale Elementary is about to be Doomsdale Elementary.
Diego: Alicia, they're gonna put a stink bomb in the school. I might be able to stop 'em, but I'll need a schematic of Francis' house.
Alicia: Francis made a couple of drawings of his house in the second grade, but I can't vouch for their accuracy. Crocker gave him a F.
Crocker: An F for, FAIRY GOD PARENTS!
Francis: I'm so proud of us.
Flats: You got Flats.
Lincoln: They're on to you, Flats! Get out of there! Scram... boiled eggs would be lovely for breakfast, Mother. Just go! Quickly!
Francis: We're busted! Thanks, mole. Now make your split-screen vanish.
Lincoln: Will do! Ooh!
Diego: Damn it, these blue prints are all wrong. Where's the roller coaster room and the shark tank? Ooh. Huh? Son of a beach ball, they're gone! I've got a man down! Well, not a man. A very special boy.
Jack Bauer: Chloe, I need those schematics now.
Diego: What? Who is this?
Jack Bauer: I'm Jack Bauer. Who the hell are you?
Diego: Hola, I'm... Ahmed Adoudi.
Jack Bauer: Chloe, find out all you can about Ahmed Adoudi. Does anyone there know Ahmed Adoudi?
Chloe O'Brian: Ahmed Adoudi, wealthy Saudi financier disappeared to Afghanistan in the late '90s.
Jack Bauer: Really?
Chloe O'Brian: No, Jack, it's a joke name. You're being set up.
Jack Bauer: Damn it!
(Diego laughing)
Mrs. Turner: Now, let's see. 20 minutes at 300 degrees is the equivalent of five minutes at... Let's see... 1,200 degrees. Now... to make the folded index card that goes in front of the cake. D'oh! No! Oh. Pink frosting fixes everything.
SpongeBob: Say, is your butt numb from all this vibrating? Mine is. Still, I wouldn't describe it as unpleasant. Okay, Timmy, what do you want to do?
Timmy: Well, there's your job, Want to stop there for a snack!
SpongeBob: Old Betsy'll get us there.
Jimmy: We are projecting an effective blast radius farther than any of us can kick a kickball.
Alicia: Sir, we have to call off this bake sale, now!
Crocker: Yes, yes, yes. We have to do something. Although, the basketball hoops have already been retracted... DJ Funtimes has already cashed his deposit... and Principal Geraldine Waxelplax won't be happy to hear-
Waxelplax: I won't be happy to hear what, Crocker?
Crocker: Um... that, uh, bake sale revenue projections are through the roof.
Waxelplax: I'm very happy to hear that. You don't know me at all.
Alicia: We have to find those bullies before the bake sale starts. Lincoln, run a top-down search on the school security grid.
Lincoln: Will do, and you chose the perfect person. The stink bomb! I can't let anyone see it!
Alicia: Lincoln, anything?
Lincoln: I wish. This is as boring as mainstream cinema.
Alicia: So true.
SpongeBob: Cops. Act natural. Hello, Officer!
Incidental 118: Oh, afternoon, ma'am. What is it about a woman in a Dumpster?
Mrs. Turner: My cake!
Flats: They're gonna wish the bake sale was a nose plug sale.
Francis: And it totally isn't.
Argus: Teens? In Argus' hidey hole? I'll mail your blood from the inside!
Alicia: We have a fire alarm in the ventilation room!
Lincoln: I'll check it out. Skip, skip, skip to my Lou... Top of the morning, Patrick.
Patrick: Hey Lincoln.
Lincoln: Skip to my Lou, my darling.
Diego: Hola, Patrick Star, Lincoln just skipped past you singing "Skip to My Lou" and you did nothing!
Patrick: No this is Patrick
Diego: Is Lincoln working for Flats?
Patrick: Uh... Flats! Ah...
Diego: Alicia, are you on a secure line?
Alicia: I am. You're facetiming me,
Diego: Listen, there's a mole inside CTU.
Alicia: A mole?!
Diego: Yes, a mole. Now, I don't have much time, so I'm just gonna come right out and say his name, so get ready to know his name. His name is the following: L...
Lincoln: Skip, skip, skip to my Lou.
Mr. Turner: Rice Krispie Treats?! Way to phone it in, Mrs. Loud.
Mrs. Turner: Excuse me, excuse me, I'm in the sale. I'm in the sale.
Lincoln: Okay, I kept my end of the deal. Hey where's $60 for SpongeBob SquarePants: The Cosmic Shake.
Francis: No Rewards were provided in the contract you signed
Lincoln: YOU TRICKED ME!
Flats: We're out of here. Smell you later. Three minutes later, to be exact.
Lincoln: What have I done?
Mrs. Turner: Raisin cake. Who wants raisin cake? Don't worry, it's not too moist.
Mr. Turner: Can I have some more money?
Mrs. Turner: I gave you ten dollars.
Mr. Turner: All the other moms gave their husbands twenty.
Mrs. Turner: Well all the other husbands don't come home dirty from fighting.
Mr. Turner: I had to fight! Lenny said his dad was Hulk Hogan and I know he's not!
Mrs. Turner: Here's five more dollars.
Alicia: Diego, are you all right? Diego?!
Diego: Hey, I'm fine. They haven't made a French horn yet that can hurt me. Now, I'm sending you a picture of the bomb.
Alicia: My God. That's a class-fives tench-dispersal unit. We have to shortout that fan.
Diego: "HDW", what's that?
Argus: That's the main valve of the hot dog water recirculation system. There's over thirty years of wiener soakings in there.
Diego: Alice, you have to release that water. It's the only way to short out the fan.
Alicia: But you and Argus will drown!
Diego: Don't worry Alicia, I can turn my rescue vest into a lifejacket.
Crocker: Possibly you can help Argus, but I can't risk Principal Waxelplax finding out about-
(Waxelplax enters)
Waxelplax: Finding out about what, Crocker?
Crocker: Um... about how early press coverage of the bake sale is universally positive.
Waxelplax: Once again, you have thoroughly misgauged my response. This is going on your permanent record.
Diego: The hot dog water's going to push us into the fan!
Argus: And I just sharpened those blades.
Lincoln: Skip to my Lou...my darling.
Argus: Diego, I've got an idea. As you're dying, jam the blades with your spine.
Diego: Keep pitching. I'll be back.
Cosmo: Neat! An Aquarium with a child entering it's watery grave!
Wanda: Cosmo, That Kid is drowning
Incidental 118: Don't worry, I'll free the boy. Damn it! This glass is bulletproof. There's nothing that can shatter it.
Mrs. Turner: Yes, there is!
Cosmo: Ooh, a thermos. With seven cups of coffee still in it. Oh, wait, six.
Wanda: Cosmo, that's a bomb!
Alicia: How do I stop it? Oh, that's convenient.
Crocker: Thank goodness this crisis was averted. Nicely done, Alicia.
Diego: Hey, what about me? I almost died, and so did Argus.
Argus: Oh, leave me be. I don't want to live if I have to clean up this mess like a snail delivering all of the mail on Mount Middlemost.
(Sabrina unties Diego, deflates his vest and kisses him)
Sabrina: Oh, my special little guy! I'm so glad you're okay.
(Nico kisses Diego)
Nico: And I'm so surprised you saved an entire school from an explosion!
[Jack Bauer comes in by dropping in from an air vent]
Jack Bauer: [in megaphone] Good work, Alicia!
Diego: What about me?
Jack Bauer: [aims his gun at Diego] Diego Marquez, twelve minutes ago, you made an annoying prank phone call to me. All units move in!
[a group of units and Optimus Prime (Combined with his Trailer) move into the gym and they level their guns at Diego, but Bauer puts his away]
Jack Bauer: I pulled ever single field agent off all other cases, as well as Optimus Prime to track you down and bring you to justice. It was a tough decision, but I think I made the right call.
[A big explosion happens in the distance, and the crowd gasps]
Jack Bauer: It's okay. That was the Chum Bucket.
[everyone sighs with relief]
Plankton: [Off Screen] Curse you Jack Bauer
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