Blood 39

Chapter 39
And we're back with Kahlan and Adie, who are running around in the darkness. We're told there was a big fight and Adie's magic “had been a terror to their attackers.” Orsk is dead, having killed “twenty or thirty by himself.” I'm thinking Terry Goodkind based his knowledge of medieval-style combat on his high school D&D campaign, since twenty-to-one odds with melee weapons are generally not survivable, no matter how skilled the one is. \~/
Kahlan asks Adie “ 'Which way do you think we must go to get away?' ” which is a completely useless sentence. These women are exhausted, terrified, and running for their lives. They're trying to get away. A simple “Which way?” is a lot more believable, and even that isn't necessary; as noted, they're already trying to find a path to safety.
Terry Goodkind's dialogue in general is like this: clumsy, repetitive, and simplistic. It's as if he recognizes the basic idea he wants to convey, but doesn't bother to think about whether it sounds like anything a real person would say, much less the specific character saying it. Furthermore, he often repeats himself unnecessarily, hammering the point home like a Sesame Street character for the benefit of the hyperactive and inattentive audience members. It makes his characters' dialogue a chore to wade through, which is only exacerbated by their tendency to speechify at the drop of a hat.
In any case, Kahlan and Adie run on. A red-cloaked man jumps out of the darkness, and Kahlan notes that he wears a metal breastplate, and thinks that “men in armor fought with false confidence.” I'll let that speak for itself. For some strange reason the man does not actually attack them, despite being outnumbered two-to-one and (presumably) larger and stronger than his enemies. I would have expected him to cut Kahlan down quickly, but instead, he opts to guard his face, allowing Kahlan to hack at his legs.
A second bad guy “leapt over the top of [the first guy] toward her.” This somehow allows Kahlan to “slash . . . the inside of his thigh, severing the artery.” Which makes no bloody sense unless the guy was leaping over Kahlan's head, or she had arms like Plastic Man. \~/
Sure is easy to look like a melee badass when your enemies ignore the most basic rules of combat, eh Terry?
The second man starts insulting Kahlan, trying to provoke her into fighting him, because . . . reasons. Kahlan, however, is far too clever to fall for such an obvious trick, reminding herself of some grade-school wisdom that “Words can't cut you.”
They run on for a bit, and suddenly encounter a man and a woman on horseback: Brogan and Lunetta. Brogan notes that “the two of you must have killed over a hundred of my men,” which makes the Red Sheep soldiers sound like absolute wimps. Brogan recognizes Kahlan, declaring her to be the Mother Mindrapist, which of course panics Kahlan. Lunetta and Adie hurl spells at each other while Kahlan hacks a leg off Brogan's horse . . .
Wait; how was that allowed to happen? Why didn't Brogan have a weapon ready? Why didn't his trained warhorse react? How the bloody hell is Kahlan strong enough to sever a horse's leg??
\~/\~/
I give Richard a pass because he has a magic sword, but Kahlan . . . gah. Stupid book.
Adie incinerates the other horse's head, because it's always better to attack your enemies' animals than it is to attack them directly. Our “heroines” run off again, pursued by Lunetta, another woman who turns out to be the Bad Nun from a couple of chapters ago, and a Mister. Adie tries to slow them down, but the Bad Nun dispels her magic quite handily, then grabs Adie by the wrist and tosses her aside. Kahlan attacks, but the Mister disarms her.
Adie manages to blast the Bad Nun from behind just as Kahlan grabs her hand and mindrapes her, ordering the Nun to protect her. The Bad Nun slaughters a bunch of Red Sheep and kills the Mister before Lunetta explodes her to death and Brogan punches Kahlan in the head (having apparently teleported next to her, since the last we saw of him, his horse had flung him into some bushes). Kahlan tries to draw a knife, and Brogan kicks her.
Brogan rips open Kahlan's shirt and starts groping her while indulging in some Villainous Gloating, ordering Lunetta to use her nipply powers to enchant Kahlan. \~/ Alas, before we can get more bloody lesbian pseudo-rape, a Mister intervenes and insists that Kahlan's nipples are not to be molested. Instead, it produces a pair of Rada'Han collars from around its wrist – wait, it wears collars that can fit around a human neck as bracelets? How big are the Misters? Or do they have huge, Popeye-like forearms?
The Mister, incidentally, hisses its sibilants for the first few sentences and then suddenly stops for the next few, despite the latter containing several S's. Because consistency is for losers. \~/
Adie begs Lunetta for mercy in Nicobaritalian, but mercy is denied, and both she and Kahlan are collared. They're led to the coach, where Ahern has also been captured. Kahlan mentally infodumps that she sent everyone else to Ebinissia, and how glad she is that none of them were here to die.
Kahlan and Adie are bundled into the carriage with a Mister for company. The Mister threatens to slice off the soles of their feet and cut out their tongues, then counter-intuitively orders Lunetta to heal Kahlan because “ 'Skin brother would not be pleased if she was scarred,' ” once again forgetting its sibilants. \~/
And thus ends the chapter.
Drinks: 7
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