The Gaily Bugle

The Gaily Bugle is the second standalone short by "My asshole llc. In this short, Then bends starts making a killing writing hit pieces on LGBTQ+ establishments, making him question the point of continuing The Mr. Rabs Show.
== Transcript ==
* [The episode begins with Then bends preparing for a nighttime bike ride.]
* Then bends: Ah, nothing's better than riding a bike at night! Amaright?
* [He jumps onto his bike and starts riding. As he is riding, he sees something intriguing.]
* Then bends: What's this?
* [He gets off of his bike to see it closer]
* Then bends: The Daily Bugle is hiring! Alright!
* [He tries to go back on his bike, but he can't find it.]
* Then bends: Damn it, Carl!
* Narrator: Later...
* Then bends: [In the elevator]
* [Then bends is in the elevator of "The Daily Bugle HQ". He is going to get his interview on the 269th floor.]
* Then bends: Hello, I'd like to get a job at The Daily Bugle.
* Interviewee: Okay, so let's see here.... Do you have any experience writing?
* Then bends: Yes, I uh, I write for the Mr. Rabs Show.
* Interviewee: A uh, "Mr. Rabs" show. Now, what would that be.
* Then bends: I think it's best I don't mention it.
* Interviewee: And how come?
* Then bends: Let's just go to the next question.
* Interviewee: Okay, so the next question. Do you like Spiderman?
* Then bends: Not the biggest fan, but I think he's pretty.... pretty cool.
* Interviewee: Okay. We should get you our response in about 24 hours.
* Then bends: That's it?
* Interviewee: Yup. That's it.
* Then bends: I shall see myself out then.
* [He walks backwards, before running into and falling out of a glass window. As he is about to fall onto the ground, Mr. Rabs saves him]
* Mr. Rabs: There we go!
* Then bends: Oh, hey Mr. Rabs!
* Mr. Rabs: Hey, Then bends! I'm off to work at The Patty Shack, so no time for talking! See you later!
* [Then bends walks about, but he sees something shocking]
* Then bends: What! LGBTQ+ Shoes? Woah, woah woah! I'm fine with Gay anything, but Gay shoes? Too far!
* [Then bends stomps home angrily, and goes into his room, slamming the door. He gets out a type writer from his pocket, and starts writing.]
* Then bends: Dear, LGBTQ+ Shoes.... no, that's not right.
* [He tears out the papper]
* Then bends: Hello, Gay people! No! That's wrong too!
* Narrator: Many Moments Later...
* Then bends: [Sighs] I can't do this...
* [Suddenly, his doorbell is rung. He runs downstairs]
* Then bends: Hello?
* Mailfish: Hello, sir! I've got this important letter for you!
* Then bends: Ah, what's this? "The Daily Bugle"?
* [He tears it open]
* Then bends: I've been hired! WOOHOO!
* [He jumps into the air, and freezes]
* Mailfish: I'll see you later then!
* [He walks away]
* [Suddenly, a Dog appears]
* Dog Huh: Huh?
* [Cut to Then bends walking into his office at "The Daily Bugle"]
* Newspaper Dude: Hey, Then bends. Do you have any Ideas?
* Then bends: Actually, I wrote this before I got my job.
* [Then bends hands the Newspaper Dude the paper.]
* Newspaper Dude: Let's see... "LGBTQ+ Shoes is Crossing the Woke line?!?!?"
* [Then bends hesitates]
* Newspaper Dude: This is... THIS IS PERFECT!!!
* [Baloons and confetti go everywhere]
* Then bends: Really?
* Newspaper Dude: YES, REALLY! WE'LL GET TO INKING THESE RIGHT NOW!
* [Cut to black]
* Narrator: Later...
* [Then bends is walking on the street, and sees LGBTQ+ Shoes has shut down]
* LGBTQ+ Shoes Owner: [Crying]
* Then bends: Oh- oh no! What happened!
* LGBTQ+ Shoes Owner: This news article! It got my store shut down.
* Then bends: Let's see... "LGBTQ+ Shoes is Crossing the Woke line?!?!?" I- I wrote that!
* LGBTQ+ Shoes Owner: Oh, YOU WROTE THAT?
* Then bends: Uh, yeah.
* [Suddenly, the LGBTQ+ Shoes Owner starts chasing Then bends with a chainsaw]
* LGBTQ+ Shoes Owner: THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR CLOSING MY STORE DOWN!
* [Thankfully, Then bends is able to safely get home]
* Then bends: [Heavy breathing] I've got to stop making these articles.
* [Knock on The door]
* Mailfish: Here's your paycheck.
* Then bends: Oh, ok. How come it's such a big envelope.
* Mailfish: Oh, I don't know. I didn't open it.
* Then bends: Well thanks, dude.
* [He opens the letter]
* Then bends: OH MY- ONE BILLION DOLLARS!
* Mailfish: Wow, you're rich! I wish I had your job.
* Then bends: I do to!
* [The Mailfish closes the door]
* Then bends: Dang it! I'm making so much money, but it's not right! Oh well, money is money!
* Narrator: What follows is a brief Montage.
* [Cut to later. Montage of Then bends writing stories about LGBTQ+ businesses with "Mambo Fantastico" playing over it.]
* Then bends: What the? "Gay Burger?" I'm not having that.
* [He pulls out a yellow sticky note, and starts writing]
* [Cut to a shot of a newspaper: "Woke Burgers Making Millions with Liberal Nonsense!"]
* [This goes on for a pretty long while]
* [End of Montage]
* Narrator: I hope you enjoyed this brief montage.
* [Cut to Then bends walking home to a solid diamond/emerald mansion]
* Then bends: Ah, this really is the life!
* [Then bends opens the door, and walks around his super fancy marble floors, to go to his hot tub]
* Then bends: [Dips a single toe into the hot tub] Gee, there's nothing like this.
* [As then bends is jacking off in the hot tub, he gets a phone call]
* Then bends: Really? Right now?
* [He moves his hand off his penis and picks up the phone]
* Then bends: Hello?
* Mr. Rabs: Hey, Then bends. It's, uh.. It's been awhile since you've.... since you've shown up to work.
* Then bends: Mr. Rabs?
* Mr. Rabs: Yes, it's me. Mr. Rabs.
* Then bends: Uh....
* [He hangs up]
* Then bends: I... I don't know what to say. I'm making a killing writing homophobic newspapers.
* [He thinks]
* Then bends: I think I know what I should do.
* [Cut to Then bends going to Mr. Rabs' house. He knocks on the door, and Mr. Rabs comes out] 
* Mr. Rabs: Oh, hey, Then bends! How's the show going? 
* Then bends: Actually, I have some bad news about the show. I'm canceling the show, Mr. Rabs. Also, you're evicted. 
* Mr. Rabs: What! That's no fair! 
* Then bends: Sorry, man. Rules is rules. 
* Mr. Rabs: But how come! And why on such short notice? And why now? 
* Then bends: Well, I just feel that my writing is getting worse, and nobody wants to watch a poorly written show. 
* Mr. Rabs: But you can just hire people to write it for you, or get some help like you did with "Mr. Rabs Takes a Vacation"! 
* Then bends: Too late for that now. What's done is done. I've made my choice. Goodbye. 
* [Then bends closes the door, feeling happy and content with his life. He knows that he has a lot of work to do, but he's ready to face it.]
* [The end.]
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