Kauffe's Report: Politics over Lunch

==Politics Over Lunch==
Damos Crusade Campaign
Foster: "Downloading Memory File. . . . . Download Complete."
Hawt: "My day started off well enough. I had finally gotten to renovating the kitchen today, much to most of the crew's dislike. I was in the middle of exterminating unwanted insects and rodents, when I was suddenly teleported to a completely different ship. There, I was informed that since I was not currently involved in any of Vandal's activities, I was being temporarily recruited aboard Erika Damos's vessel.
Erika was about to meet with the human leaders of a newly discovered world, and appearently wanted an explorator present to show these leaders the most practical side ot the Imperium."
Foster: "Actually Master, Erika wanted you to-"
Hawt: "I know what she wanted me to do!" Do not interupt me."
Foster: "My apologies."
Hawt: "As I was about to say, I was not pleased to be suddenly interupted from important duties, but I cannot ignore the possibility of meeting a new civilazation. Every culture has its own technology, and cuisine. I would be a fool to bitch about the assignment. Instead, I must research what this new world has to offer, and hopefully send word back home to alert the family to the delicacies on the planet: As well as tell my Mechanicus bretheren of the machine spirits to be found. As such I arrived on the planet to meet the World Leaders."
Foster: SETTING: United Nations conference room. TIME; Midday. ATMOSPHERE: Sunny, with little chance of rain. CONFERENCE ROOM ATMOSPHERE: Silent, and Intense.
Erika Damos, and her crew sits on one end of a round table, with the World Leaders on the other end. Within Erika's crew, other than Master, is an Eldar Idetified as Za'Shan, an Ork Identified as Red Ded; currently asleep, a Void Mistriss Identified as Nicole, a Seneschal Identified as Leo, and an Arch Militant female Idenified as Moll."
Hawt: "Foster, shorten this next part, just give the base details."
Foster: "Affirmative. Erika spends a good amount of time discussing with the leaders about the advantages of being part of the Imperium. The Leaders seem hesitent. One Asain Female is vehelmetely protesting against the merging. They demand to see the Lord of the Imperium, but are told that they cannot meet the God Emperor since he is a deity. Master tries to tell them about the Omnisiah, but gets confused looks. Erika tells them that their governments will essentially be absorbed into the Imperium should they co-operate, but should they refuse us, we will not be able to protect them from the many forces of the void. A short slide show of the many factions in space shows them the horrors that will follow the Imperium unto thier realm.
The ork wakes up as the slide show desplays his kin.
After some debating, Erika decides that they should continue thier talks over lunch. Master becomes intrigued and insists on joining them, as does the ork, and the rest of the crew."
Erika: "Very well, just put something on the ork, we don't won't to cause unnecessary panic."
Red Ded: "O, but boss lady. If I put me helmet on, nobody will be able to tell. See?" Slides his helmet on and off.
Foster: "Red Ded does not convince Erika, Master welds additional plates to the orks armor, poorly.
The head of the U.N. Leaders decides on going to a grand restaurant not far from the current location. Outside the building, the party is confronted by several reporters, all asking about the new visitors, us. Za'Shan seems to revel in the media coverage. Master takes apart a camera and observes its contents.
With Police escort we arrive at the desired restaurant. It exceeds Master's expectations so far."
SETTING: U.N. Restaurant. . . .
"Once inside, Red Ded lights a cigar, and the restaurant becomes covered in smoke within seconds. The staff are visibly shaken by the appearance of our group. They sit us down at the finest spot, and give us menus. Red Ded starts eating his claiming it to be an apetizer. Master takes a mental note of this. They take our order after getting the U.N.'s."
Za'Shan: "Hey monkeys, give me the most expensive wine you carry!"
Foster: Once Za'Shan gets the wine, he spills it on the floor in a process he calls, decanting. This infuriates Master. The server moves to Red Ded. The ork removes his helmet, puffs smoke into the server's face and, in a neandrathal fashion, demands,"
Red Ded: "Meat!"
Erika: "I'll have parmesan."
Nicole: "I'll have some steak."
Moll: "Desu desu."
Foster: "After some time, Moll is able to comunicate to the server what she wanted. The server goes up to Master and asks what he wants. Master stands up and confronts the server."
Hawt: "Tell your head chieff, to make the greatest meal he can muster! I will not expect anything less than perfection from him!"
Server: "Ah, well, okay, I'll get right to that. Will you want anything to drink in the meantime?"
Hawt: "Certainly, bring me your finest cup of coffee."
Server: "What sir?"
Hawt: "You heard me. Give me a cup of coffee."
Server: "What's coffee?"
Foster: "Anger levels increase fifty percent. Shock has perpetrated Master's system. Master calmly tells the server about coffee beans, and their purpose."
Server: "OH! We have something like that. We don't call it coffee though."
Hawt: "That's good, bring your finest cup of this drink."
Foster: "The server gets a cup of this world's equivilant to coffee. The brew is indeed similar, but is quite different. Master is pleased with the new concoction."
The talks continue while everyone waits for their meals. The Asian Female coments on the Eldar's obnoxious behavior. Master agrees with her on this mentally. Za'Shan replies to her."
Za'Shan: "Lady, there's something you should know about me. You see, all this here, is just part of the story of my journey. It doesn't matter what's socially tolerable. It doesn't matter if what I do is good or evil. In this story, there's only me, the hero, everybody else, and the villians." Za'Shan moves foward in his chair. "So go ahead and do something for me; Be a villian." Sips his wine.
Asian Leader: "Fine" Pulls out a phone and shouts orders into it.
Foster: "The wall behind our group explodes as three small tanks, bearing the Asian Female's insignia, crash into the restaurant. The tanks fire one round each, one of the rounds grazes Erika. Everybody moves towards cover. Za'Shan throws what appears to be marbles at the tank in the middle. The marbles explode launching the tank into the air. Za'Shan then moves at the Asian Leader with incredible speed, grappling her to the ground. Red Ded takes his axes out and Waughs. Master tries to comunicate with the tank's machine spirits, but is unseccussful, ends up just taking his axe out. Nicole shoots a Melta gun shot at the far right tank. Erika throws an anti tank grenade at the one on the far left. The tanks are disabled, but are still operational. Moll takes a large turret gun, and start reving it up.
Gunfire can be heard outside. Local enforcement must be battling out against the rest of the Female's army.
Za'Shan holds the Asian Leader in front of the tanks, but before he can demand thier surrender, the Leader gets mowed down by incoming fire from her own tank's machine guns. He holds her for a second."
Za'Shan: "Well that's a shame." Throws her corpse aside.
Foster: "While the rest of the crew dispatch the remaining tank's men, Master hacks into the world's phone links, and tries to get help from any and all sources, but is unable to effectively communicate, he tries to get a U.N. Leader to talk for him, but gets assured that they all have already done that. Master decides to hack into the camera feeds from outside the restaurant, and witnesses the battle. The Asian army, has sent in carriers with tanks onboard. the tanks are moving out and getting into position around the building. Master moves to Erika.
Hawt: "Miss Erika! The enemy is deploying tanks all around us! Take a look!"
Foster: "Erika glances at the feed, and calls her ship, 'The Brisk Intervention', and demands reinforcements."
TO BE CONTINUED