Don't Ask Where Joe Is

"Don't Ask Where Joe Is" is the first episode of SBFW: Finding Bigfoot. Written by JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway, the episode was first aired on 12th July 2021, on Current.
===Synopsis===
Joe goes on the hunt for Bigfoot but gets lost.
===Script===
[The episode starts with Joe eating popcorn in a pitch-black room, with the only light coming from the television screen. The news is playing]
Joe: God, I FUCKING love BBC News!
BBC News Reporter: North American searchers think they are on the verge of spotting Bigfoot, the infamous mythical creature. Here’s an impersonator of the beast right here in our studio.
[It cuts to an immensely hairy naked man in the BBC News studio]
BBC News Reporter: Now, Mr. Bigfoot, where are you exactly?
Bigfoot Impersonator: TRUMP WON THE 2020 US ELECTION FAIR AND SQUARE!
BBC News Reporter: Is that some kind of cryptic code dropping hints for where your location is, Largetoe?
Bigfoot Impersonator: Can I talk to a REAL news reporter and not this WHORE?
BBC News Reporter: What I do in the streets of London from 11pm to 2am is none of your business, Mr. Foot.
[Cut back to Joe]
Joe: They’re all wasting time! I can find Bigfoot in no time. I just need to get prepared for the journey.
[Joe runs to his kitchen, mostly empty, and takes a water bottle as well as an ice cube containing a condom]
Joe: This should keep me safe for the cold winters of Canada.
BBC News Reporter: [from other room] Reports claim that Bigfoot is in Mexico.
[Timecard: ‘Two Months Later…’]
[Joe is now hiking in a forest, dehydrated to the point of turning purple, with dry crusty lips that start cracking when he opens his mouth to breathe. His nose is inexplicably missing]
Joe: Well, I think this calls for my last resort.
[He picks out the ice cube condom from his pocket, before realising both the ice and the condom had melted]
Joe: Welp, I guess I’m paying child support. Now where in this forest is there a raccoon…
[A furry beast is seen in the corner of Joe’s eye]
Joe: THERE IT IS! I can see it! Boogfeet!
[Joe starts running, only for it to zoom out and we find out he is walking pathetically slowly]
Joe: I’ll catch up to you in no time. Wait, that isn’t Bigfoot.
[A net is thrown over Joe and we cut to him in a hospital bed]
Joe: What is going on?!
Nurse Fish: We’re just here to make sure you’re safe after you got lost in the woods, eh?
Joe: “Eh”? What are you, Guatemalan? I thought I was in the wonderful white-people woodlands of Canada.
Nurse Fish: You are, Sir. And we are a multicultural society, so we do not appreciate your racist remarks.
Joe:Great, now woke snowflakes are cancelling me for tryin’ to find Bigfoot--
[Cut to Joe being kicked out of the hospital]
Joe: Well, it can be worse. Hell, it could be raining. [pause] Okay, this is the part where it’s supposed to rain.
[A man with a pistol shoots Joe in the arm five times]
Joe: This is the life.
[End]
Category:SBFW: Finding Bigfoot
Category:JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway
Category:Episodes written by JustInCaseTheDingusRunsAway
Category:2021
Category:2021 Episodes
Category:2021 Transcripts
Category:0fflinejoe
Category:Joke Pages
Category:2020s