The Not So Great Escape

"The Not So Great Escape" is a Season 1 episode of Squiddie's School.
==Characters==
*Squidward Tentacles
*Patrick Star
*Eugene H. Krabs
*SpongeBob SquarePants
*Sheldon J. Plankton
*Pearl Krabs
*Bubble Bass
*CrazySponge (mentioned)
*Matchy
==Synopsis==
Continuing from the last episode, SpongeBob and Eugene are sentenced to detention and must find out how to escape the school with the help of Patrick.
==Transcript==
[episode begins with Squidward wrapping up his lesson for the day]
Squidward: ...and that’s the secret to the score and slip technique. [Patrick raises his hand] Yes, Patrick?
Patrick: Why is it called slip? Shouldn’t it be called glistening clay juices?
Squidward: [deadpan] Any helpful questions? [Pearl raises her hand] Yeah?
Pearl: I have the same question as him.
Squidward: Well, so cl- [bell rings] Oh look at that! Class dismissed, everyone have a great day! [everyone tries to walk out, but Squidward grabs Eugene, SpongeBob, Patrick, Matchy, and Bubble Bass] Not so fast. You five have two more hours.
Eugene: Bullshit, Squidward. CrazySponge dies all the time. Besides, I have a restaurant to manage.
SpongeBob: Yeah, this isn’t even a real school either!
Squidward: Right, now who’s the teacher here? [Eugene and SpongeBob drop their heads in shame and point to Squidward, Squidward crosses his arms] MM hm. Yup. Me. So go back to your seats and find someone to work on quietly.
[the crowd goes back to their seats. SpongeBob pulls out a clay project that he’s still working on, then asking Patrick for help]
SpongeBob: Hey Patrick, wha-
Squidward: No talking, please! This is detention, not the trailer you come home to. Now if you excuse me, I shall go to the break room real quick. [walks into the halls, and then everyone starts chatting, starting with Eugene and Patrick]
Eugene: What are you in for, Pat?
Patrick: Oh, you know. The usual. Apparently my comments are too [air quotations] “sexually charged.” Well I oughta tell you, the sexual harassment law should be REPEALED. Repealed, I tell ya! What about you guys?
SpongeBob: We killed CrazySponge.
Patrick: [jumps up] OH GOD OH FUCK!
[cuts to Bubble Bass and Matchy]
Matchy: Man… I can’t believe I got caught again.
Bubble Bass: In retrospect, that is quite a terrible habit. Just do it at home.
Matchy: But the risk of being caught is so much more thrilling! Besides, don’t you write Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy fan fiction?
Bubble Bass: Yeah, that’s why I’m here. [sighs] Was writing it in class, and I guess Mr. Tentacles isn’t a fan of my work.
Matchy: No, clearly not.
[cuts to Eugene and SpongeBob sitting with nothing to do]
SpongeBob: Man, detention sucks! Why does it have to be so boring?
Eugene: That Squidward is quite the sadistic cephalopod.
Patrick: HUH?! Did someone say sadism?
SpongeBob: [ignoring Patrick] We need to escape. I can’t stand to be in here for the next hour and 50 min- [Squidward walks in the room mid sentence]
Squidward: Talking, ay? [sits down with a coffee mug in hand] You just earned yourself another hour.
Eugene: Aye!
Squidward: You too, Eugene! [starts reading Fancy Living magazine]
SpongeBob: [whispers] How are we gonna get out of here?
Patrick: Maybe if you do some shit for Squidward, he’ll let you out early!
Eugene: We’re trying to get out now, not later.
Patrick: Oh. Well, maybe if you do some chores for Squidward, he’ll let you out now!
SpongeBob: Eh, it’s worth a shot. [picks up a broom on the wall and starts sweeping the floors. Squidward looks up from his magazine]
Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing? Our custodians clean the classroom, not you
SpongeBob: Just thought I’d, uh, clean up after myself! [giggles, but then gives up the act and walks back to his seat] Welp, that didn’t work. Any other ideas?
Patrick: OOH! I know! It involves the bathroom.
Eugene: We’re listening.
Patrick: So, the other day, I was taking a mean ass shit, right? One of the stalls in there has another student who sells stuff. Mostly weed, art projects, but he also has weapons and tools to escape. Trust me, I’ll go ask for a bathroom pass. [gets up] MR. SQUIDWARD! Can I have a bathroom pass?
Squidward: Sure, make it quick. And don’t clog the toilet this time. [Patrick winks at SpongeBob and Eugene before walking out. Shows Patrick walking down the halls and into the bathroom. He checks his surroundings while discreetly opens the bathroom stall to reveal Sheldon on the toilet.]
Patrick: You got the goods?
Sheldon: Yea. You got the cash?
Patrick: Sure do. [reaches out and gets a $50 bill] Lemme get a crowbar, a hammer, a dimebag, and a pack of rubbers. [they exchange the stuff]
Sheldon: Pleasure doing business with you. [stares] You’re not gonna nuke the toilet, are you?
Patrick: Well… [the ground starts to shake, causing the door to get jammed and the hatch to pop on]
Sheldon: Damn it! We’re locked in!
Patrick: ...so about nuking that toilet.
[cuts to Eugene and SpongeBob in the room]
SpongeBob: Patrick’s been in there for a while.
Eugene: Oh come on, it’s not any different from any other time he’s in there.
SpongeBob: But I could sense- huh? [looks over to see a drain leaking into the classroom from the wall] Hm, that’s weird. That couldn’t possibly be from you know what, can it?
Eugene: [inspects closer] It has to be. [pulls out phone and dials Patrick’s number] Patrick… come in, man.
[shows both lines on screen]
Patrick: I’m stuck in here, man!
Eugene: Is it possible that the pipes are coming from the bathroom and leading into the classroom?
Patrick: Hold on… [drops dime down the toilet, which quickly pops into the classroom with Eugene snatching it]
Eugene: Oooooooh! Money. [pops it in his pocket] Did you get some stuff?
Patrick: Yeah. [slips the hammer down the drain.] That should be good.
[SpongeBob gets the hammer]
SpongeBob: You know Patrick, when you’re not a crazed pervert, you can be a really helpful guy.
Patrick: Oh boy, I can’t wait to escape so I can jack my cock all day!
[SpongeBob and Eugene have a deadpan expression as it cuts to the next scene. Squidward is heavily focused on his magazine and the two of them have made their way over to Matchy]
Eugene: Alright, you know what to do, right, Matchy?
Matchy: Sure do. It's a natural instinct. [Eugene and SpongeBob rush back to their seats while waiting for their plan to work] EUGHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOHHHHHH! [Squidward puts down his magazine and gasps]
Squidward: MATCHY! [walks over] Even in detention? Well guess what! You have it tomorrow too!
Eugene: [to SpongeBob] Now, boy-o!
[the two of them sneak out of the door. Once Squidward is done scolding Matchy, he notices the two are gone.]
Squidward: Wh- where did they go?
[cuts to SpongeBob and Eugene running through the hall trying to find the bathroom while high tempo music plays]
Eugene: There!
SpongeBob: Got it! [tries to open the door] Crap, the door’s jammed.
Patrick: [from other side] Guys, use the smashy smash thing!
SpongeBob: Oh. [swings hammer at the door, causing it to slowly deplete in health. They eventually break through.]
Eugene: Alright, what now?
SpongeBob: Hmm… I know! [points to a window in front of one of the stalls] You got a crowbar, Pat?
Patrick: Sure do!
Sheldon: Yeah, he bought it from ME! I helped you guys escape. [Eugene crushes Sheldon]
SpongeBob: Alright, go- [interrupted by the manager walking in]
Manager: Hey, hey, what are you folks doing here? You should be in detention.
Eugene: We’re just doing what all delinquents do. Make up a convoluted plan to escape a two hour detention.
SpongeBob: Well, three hour.
Manager: Oh, right. [kneels down] I understand, but you guys should be ashamed of yourself. You can’t be skipping out on your consequences. You were given this time to- [SpongeBob knocks him out with the hammer]
Eugene: Good decision, boy. [turns to Patrick] Now, commence!
Patrick: Aye aye! [opens the window with the crowbar and manages to hop out] Come on guys!
SpongeBob: Oh yeah, baby. [Patrick helps SpongeBob and Eugene get out. They then begin running away from the school] Oh damn, that felt great.
Eugene: Yeah. [turning back] That piece of shit Squidward will never find- [all three of them run into Squidward, who is standing in the middle of the road waiting for them. The three fall down, but quickly get up in shock]
Squidward: Wasn’t so clever, huh?
Eugene: That reason was stupid, you gotta admit. CrazySponge just… dies. He’s probably back to life already.
Squidward: That doesn’t give you the right to leave. You three outta be punished.
Patrick: Oh yeah. [begins dancing] Punish me, daddy!
SpongeBob: PATRICK, not the time!
Squidward: Now, you three will get your asses back in there and-
[speech cut off by the bell ringing]
Eugene: Woo! Detention’s over! [Bubble Bass starts jogging out of the school]
Bubble Bass: Time to fire the two other owners of the spin-off I made on the Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy Fanon Wiki! [gallops away, cuts to Squidward looking defeated]
Squidward: But…
SpongeBob: See you tomorrow, teach. [the three walk away waving at Squidward]
Squidward: Eh. I’ve had a good run. [collapses onto the ground as the episode ends]
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