Tromboner Man promo (Vertigo Rumble)

The Vertigo Rumble was a promo written by Tromboner Man in September 2006 for the Vertigo Royal Rumble, where the winner would earn a spot on one of his brand's elimination tag teams at Altered Reality III. Later, the stipulation was changed in which the top finalist from each brand would earn the spot. Tromboner Man would place second, losing out to Eddie Hooper.
==Promo==
Scene opens to a number of PWA Superstars from both shows sitting around a table. Hostyle, Dalby Sound, SFS, Paper Bag Man and Eddie Hooper are sitting and laughing, while Tromboner Man is doing immitations.
Tromboner Man: I've never satisfied a woman. I've never Satisfied a woman. I've never satisfied a woman, OHH IM AFRAID OF THE PUSSY MONSTER!
The table errupts into fits of laughter.
Sound: That has got to be the best WLK immitation I've ever seen.
Tromboner Man: Even better that Jim Carrey's when he lept off a tall building only to fall to his demise?
Sound: Yes TBM, even better than that!
Shuffling of cards can be heard, as Eddie Hooper begins to deal out two cards to everyone at the table.
Hooper: Here r ur cardz gntlmn. GL GL GL, Not.
Paper Bag Man: WTF?
Hostyle: Exactly. Speak english you super annoying Twat. True artists need to understand what they are doing.
Tromboner Man: Save TBM your internet Hyperblabble and play the game.
A Round of betting follows, which isn't shown. Instead, two animated Dancing Gerballs are shown. A Pair of Jeans walk into the darkened screen. The gerballs look at them before we are taken back to the game. The round of betting has left Eddie Hooper and Tromboner Man left standing, in heads up texas holdem poker.
Hooper: + da flp cums
SFS: Hold on dude, you are not allowed to speak again, you corrupt virus like internet fiend. You may not continue until you sign my petition. Help get SFS fired from Pyromania!
Hooper reluctantly signs it. And goes to pick up the cards, but Paper Bag Man stops him.
Paper Bag Man: And ‘cause no one understands your speaking, I will deal from now.
Paper Bag Man picks up the cards.
Paper Bag Man: AND THE FLOP IS... 10 of hearts, 7 of clubs, 3 of diamonds.
Tromboner Man lightly taps the table, where Mr. Hooper is given a shot at betting.
Hooper: Alin.
SFS: ALIN? Theres no Alin at the Table. Fire me from Pyromania
Hostyle: The TRUE artist needs ENGLISH, not intercrap! We all dont live in the idnternet you know.
Tromboner Man smiles to himself as scene suddenly cuts with a swoosh to him in the internet made up of 0's and 1's.
TBM_1: WTF M8?
Hooper: And you say I speak stupid.
TBM_1: FU Crpzillr
Back to cards.
Tromboner Man: Settle down. Its lucky for you that Tromboner Man speaks fluent Intercrap, and also moron, so he can Translate.
A for "Am I a"
L for "Loser"
I for "in this game of"
N for iNtellectual Greatness:
See, you needed to do a cYnical, and yes Eddie, yes you are.
Eddie pushes all his chips into the middle.
Tromboner Man: OHH, ALL IN! Well, you still are a loser in this game of intellectual greatness, 'cause TBM calls.
Tromboner Man flips over a 10 Diamonds, 9 Diamonds, whiles Hooper throws over 3 spades, 8 hearts. With the final two cards being Aces, Tromboner Man won the heads up . Hooper angrily gets up and starts having an annoying tissy fit. This prompts Tromboner Man to pick him up and throw him out the door. He sits back down again.
Tromboner Man: That Eddie Hooper guy weights as much as a computer chip... MMM, Computer Chips...
Another dream sequence begins, with Tromboner Man standing infront of business executives.
Tromboner Man: And also allowing people to access internet, do homework, and play counterstrike, these deep fired computer chips are and excelent source of fibre, Vitamins B 1 2 and 3, as well as the long forgoten XYz3. 
Tromboner Man recieves a resounding applause, as he eats a chip happily
Tromboner Man: They could be the answer to our world homework and porn veiwing disasters.
Fade to Black
Voiceover: When we last left our cute critters, they were in the middle of a pants epidemic.
Scene shows the animated gerballs staring at the jeans. One of them suddenly takes out a machine gun and fires at the jeans, while the other takes out a flame thower and lights the bullets on fire. They stop and the jeans catch fire, then are doused, before turning cartoonishly into ash.
Voiceover: Well they sure showed them who's boss. Now back to the cards.
Scene cuts back to the card table wherre we are down to next floop. Only Tromboner Man and Hostyle are still betting in this heads up action.
SFS: And the flop is Ace Spades, King Clubs, 7 Diamonds. Fire me from Pyromania
Hostyle: I bet half my chips, as a true artist would.
Tromboner Man: Are you man enoug to put it all on the line, and take a risk? Like a true artist, 'cause the Tromboner Man moves you all in, if you decide to call.
Hostyle: Are you stupid or something. If a true artist would go all in, of cource I call, you an artstic dufus.
Tromboner Man flips up 7 Hearts, Kings Hearts while hostle throws over Ace Diamonds Queen of Clubs. The remaining two cards come out as twos. Realising his one pair doesn't beat a two pair, he gets up and goes over the wall, takes out a pen and scribbles on the wall. This prompts TBM to get up from the table, turn Hostyle away from the wall, put his hip on his sholder, drape his arm across his back down to TBM's hip and delvier a picture perfect "The Bell". Hostyle is left unconcious on the floor.
Tromboner Man: Three things, TBM likes the picture you drew, he is very artistic in the fact that he is a musician so never say he is an "Unartistic Dufus" again, and no matter how much he likes the picture, never draw on Tromboner Man's wall.
Tromboner Man now picks Hostyle up and throws him out.
Paper Bag Man: Thank you for playing!
Dalby Sound looks up from his music.
Sound: Im Sorry, Did I miss something important and exciting? Did cows start making nuclear wepons?
Tromboner Man looks up.
Scene cuts to a plane over a sea some where, piloted and run by cows
Cow 1: We ready?
Cow 2: Yes, all systems functional, lets drop this thing!
Cow 1: Its stuck, it wont drop!
Cow 3: Allow me the honor in this very imortant stage of the battle. He starts jumping up and down on a bomb. It drops as it goes down to the sea below, he is riding it like a Cowboy
Cow 3: NUKE THE WHALES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The blast of the bomb brings us back to the room.
Tromboner Man: Not to the best of Tromboner Man's knowledge.
Scene now cuts to our gerball friends, tired after fighting the ledgendary blue jeans of horror. They look at each other and embrace sensually, as the scene quickly changes back to the card game.
SFS And Tromboner Man are left after the turn. The board reads Kings Diamonds, Ace Diamonds, 3 Clubs 10 Diamonds.
SFS: All In. Ohh... and Fire me from Pyromania
Tromboner Man: Why do that for? Easy call!
Tromboner Man throws over 9 diamonds 8 diamonds, to SFS's Jack Clubs, Queen Diamonds. the final card, 5 of hearts, leaves SFS with a straight, and TBM with a flush. (OOC NOTE: The house rules I play by say that a flush beats a straight. You may play differently, but these are the rules in this promo game.)
SFS: Ha, I win, straight. Fire me from Pyromania
Tromboner Man: No you don't. Flush > Straight.
SFS angrily gets up realising he's been played. He takes out his plastic light saber and puts it through the picture Hostyle drew on Tromboner Man's wall.
SFS: Fire me from Fucking Pyromania
At that, SFS walks into an Intonation Buster from Tromboner Man. TBM stands above SFS.
Tromboner Man: Wall is TBM's. You know, the Tromboner Man liked the way that picture looked. It gave him hope and something to look at. But you don't care, because your unconscious.
Fades to black. The voice over has the voice of Ralph Wiggum from the Simpsons.
Voiceover: We saw the little gerballs look at each other, and then they went over to each other and tried to make babies, and one of the babies looked at me and the baby smiled
The gerballs are shown on screen, deeply disturbed and humilliated. they are at opposite corners of the screen
Voiceover: (Now sounding like Homer Simpson) but why would two dudes try and make a baby?
Scene promtly changes back to Tromboner Man, Dalby Sound and Paper Bag man sitting around the poker table. All cards have been dealt out, as the board reads Ace Clubs, Ace Spades Queen Spades, 10 Spades, 3 Hearts.
Sound takes off his headphones.
Sound: Sounds like I need to go all in.
Paper Bag Man: I re-raise all in.
Tromboner Man: Well, cant let two good all in's go to waste, Call.
Dalby Sound flips over his pocket queens.
Sound: Full House
Thinking there is no way anyone can beat his A A Q Q Q, he goes to take the main pot.
Paper Bag Man: Wait a minute.
Paper Bag Man flips over his pocket Aces.
Paper Bag Man: Four of a kind!
He is about to take the pot on his A A A A Q when Tromboner Man stops him.
He flips over King of Spades, Jack of Spades, showing a royal flush. He then shakes the table furiously.
Tromboner Man: ITS A ROYAL RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!! Ha Ha.
Dalby looks iritated, but content.
Sound: Well played Tromboner Man, but I still don't understand the reason behind a poker game the night before the biggest match of our carrers so far. Anyway. Where is the door?
Tromboner Man goes to take him too the door, so he can leave, but Paper Bag Man does another one of his "Happy Lucky Practicle Jokes" and trips Tromboner Man, who inadvertantly irish whips Dalby Sound through the door.
Paper Bag Man: Whoops... SORRY
Tromboner Man: Doesn't matter. The Tromboner Man has gotten enough of a read on those guys from that game to successfully win this Altered Reality Three Qualifying Royal Rumble tomorrow. Poker is great to learn new stuff about new opponents and old foes alike. Thats why Tromboner Man will have the edge in this contest.
Tromboner Man turns to Paper Bag man and lifts him high above his head and throws him across the room onto the couch.
Tromboner Man: You lost, you clean up in the morning, and Tromboner Man hopes that you dont mind sleeping on the couch tonight. And no matter what happens in that ring tomorrow, you are still TBM's Tag partner, and TBM is still your Tag partner, nothing can change that.
Paper Bag Man laughs.
Paper Bag Man: You're right, may the best Paper Boner Man win.
They shake hands before Tromboner man picks up Paper Bag man and throws him down onto the couch once more, for good measure.
END
==See also==
*Tromboner Man collection
Category:Promos