Rocky and Bullwinkle (2014 short)/Transcript

[Fade open to the DreamWorks logo, where we see Rocky as the fisher boy on the moon. A rendition of Hallelujah plays before turning into Rocky and Bullwinkle as the flying squirrel reels up Bullwinkle, who’s tangled in the fishing line. Fade to black. Then fade open to a dark and stormy night in Pottsylvania. The camera zooms into the base of Fearless Leader.]
Fearless Leader: (voiceover) For more than 50 years, we have struggled and failed! We’ve used every means in our power with nothing to show for it but pain and humiliation!
[Cut inside the castle, Fearless Leader slams his fist down on the desk. We see tons of screens behind him.]
Fearless Leader: And yet, our mission continues. That mission is… 
[He grabs a knife and throws it towards the wall.]
Fearless Leader: (offscreen) Kill moose and squirrel!
[It misses the photo of Rocky and Bullwinkle.]
Fearless Leader: (groans) Well, it’s no more Mr. Nice Guy!
[The camera cut to his two minions, Natasha Fatale and Boris Badenov.]
Natasha Fatale: But Fearless Leader…
Boris Badenov: (raises his hand) Ahem-hem! Hello? Fearless Leader, why must we kill moose and squirrel? What about all those years of pain and humiliation?
Fearless Leader: To be honest, I haven’t had this much pain and humiliation. You’re the ones in the field. My life’s been pretty sweet. (gets out U2 tickets) I went to see U2 last week, and those guys have still got it.
[Cut to the villains moving on a conveyor belt.]
Natasha Fatale: But Fearless Leader, we have tried everything. Dynamite, scorpions, dynamite tied to scorpions.
Boris Badenov: (as his x-ray is shown, revealing tons of weapons on him) Painting tunnels on sides of buildings.
Fearless Leader: Well, guess what?! (as he places his hand on the scanner) I’ve put my evil genius mind to work and at last, I have the answer!
[The door opens up for the three villains.]
Fearless Leader: To catch moose, you must become moose! (zips to a lever) I give you…
[He pulls the lever to turn on the lights, revealing a female moose robot lying on display.]
Fearless Leader: The Lady Moosebot! A perfect killing machine and irresistible to moose! (to Boris) Badenov, you will control the moosebot! Then, when they least expect it, you will kill moose and squirrel!
Boris Badenov: Is more genius than usual! Do I control it by linking to it with some plug in my cerebral cortex?
Fearless Leader: Uh… yeah, we were gonna do that, but… we had some budget cuts.
[Cut to Fearless Leader and Natasha Fatale pushing Boris Badenov into the moosebot.]
Boris Badenov: (to the audience) Hoo boy, here we go again!
[Cut to a stage, where curtains open up to show the title card “ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE.” We zoom in to transition to Rocky and Bullwinkle surrounded by Mayans on top of a Mayan temple.]
Narrator: (voiceover) When we last left our intrepid duo…
Rocky: (to the audience) For one thing, it was 1964.
Bullwinkle: (to the audience) Yeah, how long did you expect us to stay frozen like this? (fidgets) I could use a potty break!
Narrator: (voiceover) Ahem! Our heroes, Rocket J. Squirrel and his best pal, Bullwinkle Moose, had just…
[Cut to a slideshow of what happened before.]
Narrator: (voiceover) Crossed the impassable jungle, escaped deadly piranha, and out-raced a volcano to rescue the Mayan princess!
Mayan Princess: Hola!
[Cut to reality, two Mayans give the duo necklaces.]
Mayan Priest: Moose, squirrel in hat, you now receive our greatest honor. (gets out a blade) To be sacrificed and have your hearts plucked out. 
Rocky: (shocked) Hokey smoke, that's a reward?!
Bullwinkle: (shocked) Jeepers! I hate to see what you fellas do for punishment.
Mayan Priest: (shrugs) Eh, same thing. Only you don't get the cool necklaces.
Rocky: Bullwinkle, let’s get out of here!
[They start running for their lives while spears are thrown at them.]
Bullwinkle: Right behind you, Rock!
[Cut to a “LATER” title card before cutting to Frostbite Falls.]
Narrator: (voiceover) Later, in Frostbite Falls, we find our heroes receiving a Lifetime Achievement Award from their beloved mayor!
[Cut to the ceremony, where the mayor congratulates the duo while a lady is seen holding a big key.]
Mayor: Rocky and Bullwinkle, your bravery and friendship has been an inspiration to Frostbite Falls! We would like to honor you with the key to our city!
Crowd: (monotone; throwing their hats in the air) Yay!
Mayor: As presented by the enchanting…
[Suddenly, a cane takes the lady away and Natasha secretly hands the mayor a letter.]
Mayor: (clears throat; reads letter) Miss Mooslyvania!
[The female moosebot steps onto the stage, stumbling a bit. Inside the robot, Boris growls and flicks a switch for “FLIRT.” The robot starts to flirt with Bullwinkle. Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” kicks in as the male moose starts falling in love with the robot. He walks toward the robot lovingly while Rocky watches in shock and sadness. Cut to Bullwinkle and the moosebot riding a bike together while Rocky is on another bike, sadly pedaling with a portrait of Bullwinkle. The moosebot opens its mouth to aim the cannon at Bullwinkle. It fires, sending the robot away. Transition to a theme park, Bullwinkle and the moosebot are at a dart game. As Bullwinkle prepares to aim his dart, the robot prepares to launch rockets at him.]
Bullwinkle: (looks down and sees a penny) Ooh, penny!
[As Bullwinkle gets down, the robot fires rockets, missing the male moose and destroying all of the balloons. Bullwinkle gets up with the penny and the scared carnival barker hands him a big Shrek plush. Bullwinkle hands it to the robot, who falls down due to its weight. Boris slams down in pain and presses “MISSILE LAUNCHER” on the screen, which reads, “FOILED AGAIN.” Cut to Bullwinkle and the moosebot dining at a cafe. The robot types in its Moosebook profile on the laptop. Fearless Leader texts “KILLED MOOSE AND SQUIRREL YET?” The robot updates its status to “IN A RELATIONSHIP.” Cut to the sad Rocky playing ping pong with the portrait. He sighs in sadness. Transition to the two moose ice-skating. The moosebot’s skate turns into a buzzsaw and it skates a heart around Bullwinkle. However, the ice surrounding Bullwinkle falls apart, plunging the robot into the cold, icy water. Nearby, Rocky is making a Bullwinkle snowman until it falls onto him. Later that night, inside a cabin, Bullwinkle and the frozen moosebot sit by a digital campfire. Bullwinkle grabs a cup of hot coffee and moves it toward the robot’s mouth.]
Boris Badenov: (inside the robot) No! No, no, no, no, no, no!
[He pours it in, and Boris screams in pain. Transition to Rocky leaving the house to get mail. He finds a card showing a cruise ship and text reading, “SAVE THE DATE FOR A WEDDING.” The squirrel opens it, revealing pop-ups of Bullwinkle and the moosebot while confetti pops in his face. The song winds down to a stop. Transition to a wedding cake with two mini-figures on top. We are now on a cruise ship, where a wedding is going on. Bullwinkle walks up to the altar with the robot moose. Among the attendees, we see Dudley Do-Right’s arch-enemy, Snidely Whiplash.]
Snidely Whiplash: (twirls his mustache) Snidely Whiplash, friend of the bride.
[We then see Captain Peter Peachfuzz overseeing the wedding.]
Captain Peter Peachfuzz: If any man or… moose knows why these two should not be married, let them speak now or forever hold his peace.
[Rocky flies in between Bullwinkle and the robot moose.]
Rocky: Wait!
[The crowd, including Dudley Do-Right, gasps in shock. The scene freezes for a moment.]
Narrator: (voiceover) Is this the end of Bullwinkle J. Moose's bachelor days? Will Rocky the flying squirrel save his friend in time?
Boris Badenov: (inside the robot moose) Will I ever go to normal toilet again?
Narrator: (voiceover) Tune in next time for “Another Fine Moose You've Gotten Me Into!!” or “The Man In The Iron Moose!”
[Cut to a black screen with the text “POETRY CORNER.”]
Rocky: (voiceover) Now here’s something we hope you’ll really like!
[Cut to Bullwinkle onstage.]
Bullwinkle: (to the audience) Hello there, culture lovers!  Today, we take a look at the modern-day poet from Michigan named Marshall Mathers III, better known as Eminem. (holds up a book) Here is one entitled, “Superman.” (clears his throat and reads) “They call me Superman. Leap tall. Superman ain’t savin’ sh-” (realizes in horror) Whoa!
[He looks nervously while crickets chirp. The moose looks through the book’s pages to find a poem without any swear words. No such luck.]
Bullwinkle: (to the audience; throws the book away) Okay, that is all for today! Next week, the complete works of Mr. Fifty Cents!
[The curtains close down on him. Fade to black.]
Narrator: (voiceover) Meanwhile, three seconds ago…
[Rocky flies in between Bullwinkle and the robot moose.]
Rocky: Wait!
[The crowd, including Dudley Do-Right, gasps in shock. ]
Captain Peter Peachfuzz: I now pronounce you, moose and… uh, and moose! You may kiss the moose already.
[The robot moose kisses Bullwinkle, electrocuting him. ]
Crowd: (monotone) Yay!
Boris Badenov: (sheds a tear) I always cry at weddings... (then) now, let's change to kill moose and squirrel!
[Peachfuzz then starts playing Jimmy Soul’s “If You Wanna Be Happy.”]
Bullwinkle: May I?
Boris Badenov: (inside the moose robot) Yes, my darling!
[He starts dancing with the robot. As he spins the robot around, Boris is flung out of it from the bottom.]
Boris Badenov: (chuckles nervously) Pay no attention to the man in the moose’s butt!
[He quickly gets back in the robot.]
Rocky: (shocked) Boris Badenov! I might have known!
[He flies toward the robot, but Natasha steps in, holding a shishkabob.]
Natasha Fatale: Not so fast, squirrel! (eats the food off the stick)
Rocky: (shocked) And Natasha! (as he backs away from Natasha) You’re trying to kill moose and squirrel!
Natasha Fatale: (swings her sword) Enguarde!
[Rocky grabs a knife and the two have a swordfight. Bullwinkle continues dancing with the robot, tossing it up and down while hurting Boris in the process. Boris pulls a lever, and the robot moose spews fire from its eyes. Bullwinkle obliviously dodges while dancing as the fire lights up three champagne glasses while setting Whiplash’s hat on fire.]
Crowd: (monotone) Yay!
Snidely Whiplash: (sadly) Awww.
[Rocky and Natasha continue their fight while having drinks. Natasha bats the knife out of his hand and onto the moosebot mini figure on top of the cake.]
Rocky: (while fighting) I still don't understand. After all these years, why does Fearless Leader wanna kill us anyway?
Natasha Fatale: (while fighting) If you saw his rumpus room, you would totally get it.
[Cut to Fearless Leader’s room, where we see two empty trophy mounts for moose and squirrels among the other animal heads. Fearless Leader is seen pouting in his chair. Back with Bullwinkle, as he dances with the robot, a bowling ball falls onto Boris.]
Boris Badenov: (in pain) Who is keeping bowling ball in here?!
[He pulls a lever, and the robot moose summons a saw on its head. Bullwinkle uses it to cut the wedding cake and the slices land on the plates of the guests, except for Whiplash’s.]
Crowd: (monotone) Yay!
Snidely Whiplash: (sadly) Awww.
[Bullwinkle continues to twirl the robot around, hurting Boris inside.]
Boris Badenov: (annoyed) Ow! Hey! Alright! Is enough!
[He pushes “LAST RESORT” on the screen, causing the robot to short out and spring Boris out of it.]
Boris Badenov: (waves goodbye) Hope your honeymoon is a blast! (laughs evilly)
[He pulls the cord, only to get out a note.]
Boris Badenov: (reads note) “I owe you one parachute. Signed, Fearless Leader.” (looks at the audience) Hoo boy.
[He starts falling down. Back with Rocky and Natasha, the femme fatale bats the knife out of the squirrel’s hand and holds him by the neck.]
Natasha Fatale: (sneers evilly) Any last words, squirrel?
Rocky: (looks up) Look up there!
Natasha Fatale: (rolls her eyes) Please, that is oldest trick in the..
[Boris falls onto Natasha and the two fall off the boat and into the ocean.]
Rocky: Hokey smoke! Bullwinkle!
[He flies in and stomps on a floorboard to launch the robot away from Bullwinkle.]
Bullwinkle: Boy, you really don’t know what’s inside a person ‘til you marry ‘em.
Rocky: (lands on his hand) Well, at least no one was hurt.
Narrator: (voiceover) True, no one was hurt except, of course…
[The robot moose lands on the baddies, exploding on them.]
Boris Badenov: Ha! It will take more than that to do in Boris Badenov!
[Suddenly, a shark eats him and Natasha.]
Boris Badenov: (inside the shark) Me and my big mouth.
[Cut back to Rocky and Bullwinkle.]
Narrator: (voiceover) And so, all's well that ends well for our high-flying friend and his lowbrow companion! I think it's safe to say that these boys really…. put the "moan"... in matrimony.
[The characters all groan at the terrible pun.]
Bullwinkle: (to Rocky) Gee, Rock, you’re my best pal. Let’s never let anything come between us again.
[However, Rocky notices something and becomes smitten with it.]
Bullwinkle: (confused) Rocky? (snaps his fingers) Hey, Rock?
[A robot squirrel appears with a lit fuse on its head.]
Bullwinkle: Hey, Rocky… I think she likes you.
[Roll credits. During the credits, we cut back to Fearless Leader, who’s trying to look for something.]
Fearless Leader: (calling out) Mother, have you seen my bowling ball?
Fearless Leader’s Mom: (offscreen) Did you look in your killer robot?
[Fearless Leader realizes in utter shock. Cut to the “THE END” title card before resuming credits. After the credits, the short ends.]
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