Chapter Six: Renewed Rivalry

==Story==
Chapter 6: Renewed Rivalry
AROUND 1:30 P.M. OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD/TRACK COURSE
Sonic, Shadow, Nick, Alex, and the same quiet brown-haired girl from before were all in black-and-gold gym clothes, and they were standing on the track course. The track circled around the football field, and in front of them (along with the entire gym class; those of which including a short boy with black hair and Butters-MATT) was a tall and fit gym teacher. The gym teacher had lightly tanned skin, short, brown hair, and a black shirt with tan shorts on. He had a whistle on a string around his neck, as per all gym teacher stereotypes have it.
"Alright, everyone! Listen up!" the teacher began. His loud and booming voice caught everyone's attention. "Today we will be executing the first of three tests of your strength. This one is the mile run, so I expect you all to run a maximum of four complete laps around this track!"
Some students groaned. Nick and friends just shrugged.
"I thought you hated exercise, Nick," Amy asked.
"No; I hate doing exercise that is not needed. This is school and I'm graded for this, so it's needed. Simple as that, no complaints," Nick explained. Matt walked up to him from behind.
"Haha! Nick likes hard work!" Matt screamed obnoxiously loud. Nick didn't turn around.
"You are about to be hit by a chicken," Nick ominously foreshadowed. Matt just looked at Nick in confusion.
"Wow, Nick. You really are idioted," Matt insulted.
"This coming from the guy who couldn't open a revolving door," Nick stated. Most of the class laughed at Matt, some screaming "BURNED!" Matt just looked at Nick angrily.
"Oh, really? Then where's the chicken?" Matt asked snobbishly. As if on cue (it probably was), a giant chicken landed on the ground behind the gym teacher. Of course, the gym teacher didn't turn around. Everyone else noticed it and stared in awe.
"COACH, COACH! GIANT CHICKEN!" Matt screamed. The gym teacher just shook his head.
"Shut up, Butters," the gym teacher commanded. Matt just stared in agony.
"GIANT CHICKEN!" Matt shouted.
"Shut up, Butters!" the gym teacher yelled.
"But…but…" Matt began. The gym teacher walked up to him and stared into Matt's puny freckled face.
"SHUT UP, BUTTERS!" the gym teacher screamed, possibly harming Matt's hearing for the future…but who cares? Not me! Alex then, to break the silence, pointed at the chicken.
"Look guys! It's Clucky!" Alex shouted. Just then, a tuft of clouds opened up, revealing the god stereotype from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. He showered Clucky with confetti (which the gym teacher didn't notice since his back was turned) and then he left. Clucky then flapped his wings and flew off in the opposite direction, SOMEHOW NOT ALERTING ANYONE OTHER THAN MATT THAT THERE WAS A FLYING CHICKEN IN THE AREA. Matt pointed at the sky, gasping for breath. The gym teacher rolled his eyes and finally turned around…only to see that Clucky was now so far away he could be considered a giant balloon…which was exactly what the gym teacher thought.
"Butters, I should write you up for distracting the class with your crack-induced theories," the gym teacher stated. Matt gaped.
"But I-!" Matt began. Just then, Dr. Octagonapus flew up from Matt's right.
"DR. OCTAGONAPUS, BLA-!" Dr. Octagonapus began, but the gym teacher turned around to see him.
"HEY! Who are you?" the gym teacher asked. Dr. Octagonapus blankly stared.
"Dr. Octagonapus…" Dr. Octagonapus replied.
"Are you here to kidnap someone?" the gym teacher asked.
"No," Dr. Octangonapus replied.
"What about rape or sexual assault?"
"That would most likely be on Amy's behalf over there,"
"Shut up!" Amy screeched, before glomping Sonic. Sonic sighed.
"Ok, then. Well, are you here to hurt someone?" the gym teacher asked.
"Butters," Dr. Octagonapus replied, pointing to Matt as he did so.
"WHAT!" Matt screamed.
"Ok, then. No harm here," the gym teacher replied, looking down at a clipboard he had to write down some notes for today's exercise. Matt just widened his eyes as Dr. Octangonapus cleared his breath.
"-H!" Dr. Octangonapus continued, firing a Shoop Da Whoop that flew across the state into the Atlantic Ocean. The Shoop Da Whoop then flew into the atmosphere, and formed into a large star that would rotate around the Earth from here on out. Matt, however, was charred. Dr. Octangonapus ran across the field, screaming in joy, before Nick pulled out a pie. As if things couldn't get any stranger, a red beam of translucent light shot out of the pie's center, hit Dr. Octangonapus, and pulled him back into the pie like a Pokeball. Shadow's jaw nearly broke the track's foundation.
"Okay, everyone!" the gym teacher began again. "Today we will be doing the Presidential Fitness Test!"
"Why's it called that?" Knuckles asked Nick.
"Cuz when everyone's complaining about pain in the end, they know who to blame," Nick explained.
"Ooohh…" Knuckles realized in that instant. The gym teacher looked at Matt, and Nick could visibly see his face grow veins.
"Butters! How DARE you to report to class like this! TO THE OFFICE, NOW!" the gym teacher screamed. Matt, still charred black, just gaped. At that moment, a random mechanical claw came out of the school, grabbed Matt, and dragged him to the office. Of course, no one cared.
"Wow, that reminded me of the time I bought that mechanical toy claw for half-price at Toys 'R Us, before I realized it was possessed while it tried to eat my parents when I was playing Wii instead of toying around with it," Alex remembered. Nick sighed.
"Alex, it was trying to eat your birthday cake, not your parents," Nick reminded him. The brown-haired girl turned to Nick.
"No, that was you trying to eat the cake dressed as a toy claw," the girl commented. Nick turned to her, angry.
"Nikki, that was supposed to be our secret!" Nick whined. Unfortuantly, this sentence reached the ears of the most obnoxious boy in the school: Grant. Grant had flat, black hair, was tanned in color, and he had a gleam in his eyes that meant obvious trouble. Next to Grant was Joey, along with a tall kid with flat, brown hair and wearing a white muscle shirt below his yellow t-shirt. Grant walked up to Nick and Nikki from behind, and screamed in his obnoxious loud voice.
"Oh! I knew you two were dating! And you already impregnated Nikki! What name is your kid?" Grant asked, with a pouty face on him. Nick just stared in anger as Grant began dancing around, hooting while Joey and the other kid clapped him on. Nikki then kicked him in the nuts, but Grant turned around, laughing ignorantly.
"HA! I have balls of steel!" Granted exaggerated.
"And a brain of dung," Nick added. Grant just sighed.
"At least it's not a brain of crap. OH!" Grant obnoxiously replied as he moonwalked back to his friends. While Nick made a memento to Shoop Da Whoop him on Halloween night, Shadow and Sonic took track-field starting positions, while everyone else stood there, bored. The gym teacher was off the track oval, whistle in his meaty hand.
"Okay! Ready, set!" the gym teacher began. The "Go!" was signaled by the loud whistle blow. Almost immediately, Sonic and Shadow were in the lead, with Knuckles comically being the last. Rouge and Amy were running along smoothly, but Joey (being the pervert he is) stared at the hotness of both Rouge and Amy before running into a street sign that said "Fail." Why this street sign was here, no one would know. Nick was going at a good pace of speed, fairly ahead of Rouge and Amy but also a good bit behind Shadow and Sonic. At one point, the tall kid that was friends with Grant and Joey ran past Sonic and Shadow.
"HA! You guys can't beat Dylan, the fastest student alive!" Dylan bragged. He also ran into the street sign that said "Fail," even though said street sign was at the other end of the track. Why this is not explained, no one will ever know. Sonic just pointed and laughed.
"Well, looks like you can't top the truly fastest thing alive!" Sonic retorted. Shadow heard this and got angry, providing significance to this chapter's title.
"What are you talking about? I'm the fastest thing alive!" Shadow yelled.
"We'll see about that!" Sonic yelled as he and Shadow began running at their top speed that their human forms would give them. As such, they ended up running almost as fast as the current Olympic Record holder in the 400 meter, name of which withheld for my inability to Google it right now, since I am lazy. The gym teacher looked on, impressed. Sonic and Shadow were neck and they weren't giving up. They turned ahead and saw the same "Fail" sign from before. Moving around it easily, they continued to race ahead of everyone, neck and neck, foreheads pressed against each other, teeth gritted. There was also a strange effect occurring where most of the students in their way were being pushed over very hard, but of course no one could figure out why. Sonic and Shadow eventually passed the finish line after four consecutive laps for a grand total of…5 minutes. The gym teacher's jaw dropped.
"Sonic, Shadow!" the gym teacher called. Sonic and Shadow turned to the teacher, eyes half-shut.
"I am amazed with both your speeds! How would you like to join the track squad as our prize athletes?" the gym teacher offered. Sonic and Shadow looked at each other, then they looked at the sky as they thought of very hot cheerleaders all cooing over both of them, doing some raunchy and provocative stuff it prompted Neil to randomly run in the background and scream "NOT GONNA HAPPEN, WANNABES!" Neil then ran into the same "Fail" sign.
"We'll take the position!" Sonic and Shadow both replied at the same time.
"Good. By the by, both your times are exactly 5 minutes. So, until then, I can't tell which one of you is faster," the gym teacher commented. Sonic and Shadow went wide-eyed, and then they stared at each other again.
"We'll see if that stays the same way forever," Shadow said through gritted teeth.
"Agreed," Sonic replied. Meanwhile, Knuckles again was running into the "Fail" sign repeatedly, as his brain lacked the function to MOVE TO THE LEFT OR RIGHT…like some old NES games. But that's beside the point. Rouge and Amy passed up Knuckles, sighing. Knuckles then stopped and looked at the sign.
"Hmm…I got it!" Knuckles said in a flash of pure genius that made another scientist in Canada explode. "I'll just…JUMP OVER IT!" The same exploded scientist is reimbursed back to normal, wondering what the hell had happened. Knuckles attempted to jump over the sign, WHICH WAS SUCCESSFUL…until another sign popped up that said "Double Fail" behind the first sign. Knuckles smacked face-first into the sign, which bent backwards and shot Knuckles into the sky. Knuckles did an arc and landed on a parked car, effectively making it explode. While police were being summoned to the crash, Knuckles was shot (with a flaming tail) into the sky again, where he crashed into another generic student. At this point, Knuckles accidentally curled into a ball and began rolling, eventually gathering enough students and "Fail" signs to become a large Katamari. Nick, Alex, and Nikki noticed the Katamari, and each reacted differently. Nick continued running, going considerably faster than before. Alex tripped on the tiny, metallic seed of a sprouting "Fail" sign, and became one with the Katamari. Nikki did a sane thing and WALKED ONTO THE FOOTBALL FIELD. She didn't become part of the Katamari. Eventually, Matt came outside, having received his cruel punishment at the hands of the Metallic Tentacle Claw Monster, when he smacked his head off of this large chunk of text.
"OW! Jesus Christ, this is getting annoying!" Matt shouted. Just then, A BADLY ANIMATED FORM OF JESUS (complete with halo) spun in his wooden coffin in the background, shouting "WHEEEEEEEEE!" as he did so. Matt turned to this and screamed.
"OH, COME ON! NO ONE EVEN KNOWS WHERE THAT'S FROM!" Matt shouted. (If anyone does, I'll give you a virtual cookie and a chance to VOTE ON MY FREAKING POLL ON MY PROFILE! Come on, quit being lazy and vote! I NEED this for my Sonic Chronicles series to have an interesting arc in later chapters!)
After that Author's Note, Matt walked onto the track…and got ran over by the Katamari. Nick was still running.
"CRAP, CRAP, CRAP, CRAP!" Nick shouted. Nick then got a light bulb over his head, signaling an idea…it also crashed onto his head like last time he got an idea. Nick cleared his throat, and screamed at the top of his lungs.
"HEY, KOOL-AID!" Nick screamed. Just then, THE FREAKING KOOL-AID MAN BURST OUT OF THE KATAMARI, sending students and "Fail" signs flying into every single direction.
"OH, YEAH!" the Kool-Aid Man screamed. Going to the gym teacher, he looked very, very angry…and he decided to take it out on Matt, who was lying right in front of him.
"BUTTERS! TO THE OFFICE, NOW!" the gym teacher screamed. Matt just stared, wide-eyed.
"Jesus Christ! I didn't do it!" Matt pleaded. Jesus then flew by again in the SAME FIXTURE AS BEFORE, shouting "WHEEEEEEEE!"
"NOW YOU MADE A REFERENCE TO ONE OF THE MOST UNHEARD-OF NEWGROUNDS SERIES THAT HASN'T BEEN UPDATED FOR NEARLY A YEAR! YOU'RE GOING TO THE ISS ROOM!" the gym teacher screeched, grabbing Matt and dragging him off. After the gym teacher was out of sight, Knuckles's head popped out of a pile of "Fail" signs.
"Well, all's well that ends well," Knuckles beamed. Nick just stared at him.
"OH NO A CLICHÉ!" Nick screamed. Nick then grabbed a "Fail" sign and began whacking Knuckles repeatedly.
"DON'T…YOU…BRING…YOUR…CLICHES…TO…MY…WORLD!" Nick screamed while beating down Knuckles. Grant ran up again and laughed obnoxiously.
"Ooh! Nick likes men!" Grant screamed. Only he began laughing, as both Joey and Dylan were knocked out from the same "Double Fail" sign. Nick just stared angrily, then began seemingly charging up a white energy around him. Grant saw this, and continued to laugh.
"Oh! Now what? You think you can prove to be awesome than me? HAHAHA-!" Grant began.
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The BioWare executives and the boss man just barely survived their fight against the annoying Bokkun defenses (with respective dark robots), and they reached a DIFFERENT ROOM.
"Finally!" one of the executives shouted. Of course, as soon as they entered, they saw a bunny rabbit with kung-fu gear on.
"Oh, crap! The Bunnie-Rabott defense! How could this get any worse?" the other executive whined. As soon as she said that, a large light shone in the distance, and if one could see through the bright light, one would've seen Grant flying into space from perhaps the largest Shoop Da Whoop ever assembled.
==New Characters Introduced==
*Grant
*Dylan
*Joey
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==Trivia==
*The random appearance of the giant chicken Clucky is an obvious homage to Naruto: The Abridged Series.
Category:Owner:INFERNOX/Sonic's Reality Check/SRC_Chapters