Mary Seymour

Mary Seymour is the star of comedy shows 'The 60 Year Old Slut’,‘The 60 Year Old Slut Goes on Safari’ and 'Mary Seymour is in the Bubbleslut!' and is notable for having multiple lovers (see Jonathan, Old Tony, Young Tony, John, Mark from Dandenong, Marco from Lygon Street, Rupert Johnson, Principal Micheals).  Mary describes herself as having two-toned, cropped hair and is apparently capable of having up to 8 lovers at a time (see Episode 4).  Mary is currently at her peak sexually and is back on the dating scene in her 60s, something she has worked into her comedy shows which have been staged at venues such as the Brunswick Town Hall.
Mary has been a repeated guest on the Grub, interviewed by Ben and Greg who are sometimes concerned at her career decisions.  Her first appearance was in Episode 4 where she promoted ‘The 60 Year Old Slut’ in the run up to Christmas 2018, singing her version of the 12 Days of Christmas which was to appear in her comedy show.
Mary promoted her then new show ‘The 60 Year Old Slut Goes on Safari’ in Episode 6. This show was originally designed to be staged at the Werribee Open Range Zoo, then apparently finding a home at the Werribee Town Hall before Mary realised no such venue existed, leaving the question of what happened to her $600 deposit (see Episode 17). Young Tony joins Mary on the podcast in Episode 10 and reveals that he is part of the 'Safari' show and will be performing magic, as well as singing some bawdy songs.
In Episode 17 we hear about a women’s group that Mary goes to that sit on the ground to look at their vaginas with mirrors, noting the change when they become sexually excited. The group apparently has a no underpants policy.
Greg and Ben interview Mary in Episode 20 to find that 'The 60 Year Old Slut Goes on Safari' has found a home at the Dandenong R.S.L. which Greg worries is a long way out of town for the comedy festival. We also meet Mark from Dandenong, Mary's then new lover who moved in with Mary less than a week after their first meeting at her show.
Mary Seymour appeared once more in Episode 22 in a sling after being hit by a tram.  It turns out she was in the accident after Mark lied and convinced her there was an important gig in the city.  Upon her return home she found Mark missing along with all her furniture. She claimed to be planning her next show 'The 60 Year Old Slut Has a Myki' for the Melbourne Fringe.
In Episode 39 we hear that Mary Seymour appeared in ‘The 60 Year Old Slut Goes on Safari in Scotland’, thanks to a promoter named Angus who booked her for the non-existent Glasgow International Comedy Festival.  In that same episode she tells us she has been working on her show ‘The 60 Year Old Slut Tries Different Wines On Safari' for the Adelaide Fringe. Sadly we also hear that Old Tony has passed away although Mary has a new lover, Marco from Lygon Street. When questioned further she says 'I haven’t thought him through really'.
In 2020 Mary had a huge hit with the dance anthem 'Everybody Say Grub' (see Episode 84), collaborating with the Actual Grub and Aunty Carol.
Later that year Mary Seymour turned herself into the Brunswick Police for breaking the COVID-19 pandemic social distancing ‘bubble’ rules.  She handed over $5000 but it is unclear if this was in the form of a fine or whether someone has defrauded of this amount (see Episode 88). Mary is planning on using this experience as part of her act, performing via Skype in her latest show: ‘Mary Seymour is in the Bubbleslut!’. 
Mary appeared in Episode 99.6 speaking at an Inspiration Day School Assembly.  After being sworn at by the students, she agrees that ‘swearing is pretty trendy’.  She misspeaks however when stating that she’ll touch the ‘dicks’ of two students, something she seems to regret immediately, ending her speaking engagement prematurely. 
She appears at the end of that episode in a suck off ending in order to determine the identity of the school principal and apparent previous lover, a Principal Michaels. 
Mary returns in Episode 99.8 with a teaser from the new sitcom she is devising, titled 'Mary Seymour's Full House' featuring Young Tony, Rupert Johnson and the Actual Grub. The second part can be found in Episode 99.92.
Mary appears next in Episode 101, making her first live appearance for the Grub. She reveals she is performing 'The 60 Year Slut Goes on Safari During a Pandemic' at the Altona Hub but that the venue has been 'locked up', once again raising questions of venue hire funds being misappropriated. In the episode she is joined by Rupert Johnson who she promptly dumps live on stage (although she graciously allows him to gives her a lift home afterwards). 
Mary Seymour appears in Episode 105 thinking she has invented parody songs (for example changing Meatloaf's ‘Bat out of Hell’ to ‘Rat out of Hell’) which she calls ‘Altering Songs’. Mary says she will be performing these in ‘Mary Seymour in her Altered Songs Safari’.  Mary reveals that she uses the word ‘Safari’ in her show titles because she once did a photoshoot in a safari outfit and likes to reuse the photos. 
Category:Characters
Category:Regular Characters