It's a SpongeBob Rishmas

It's a SpongeBob Rishmas is the thirty-fourth episode of The SpongeBob and Daddy Pig Show, and the first episode of the fourth season. It is the second Christmas special, after A Very, Merry, Holly, Jolly Daddy Pig Christmas.
The episode was written by all by herself and definitely wasn't plagiarized from anything, and released on December 23, 2022.
==Transcript==
[The camera zooms in on Bikini Bottom and into SpongeBob's pineapple house, and then into his bedroom. SpongeBob and Gary 3 are sleeping. SpongeBob's alarm clock goes off, but sleigh bells are heard instead of the foghorn noise. SpongeBob wakes up and begins bursting into song.]
SpongeBob: ♪Oh, it's drawing very near. My favorite time of the year. 
[He jumps out of bed and up the ladder] 
The snow is falling and the cold wind blows. 
[He gets up on the diving board, and jumps on it] 
Rishmas is almost here. 
[He jumps up, automatically removing his pajamas and changing into his square pants] 
And I know that Sunak, Sunak. Sunak has his jolly little eyes on me! 
[He spins Rishmas lights around his pineapple] 
It keeps me warm and filled with glee to know Sunak has his eyes on me. I light my house like a Rishmas tree. Fa la la la la la la la lee. 'cause Sunak, Sunak, Sunak has his jolly little... 
[A Rishmas hat pops out of SpongeBob's head.] 
Eyes on me.♪
[He walks over to Squidward's house where Squidward is putting up lights]
SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward! What are you doing today?
Squidward: Stringing lights so Sunak knows, in no uncertain terms... 
[Squidward turns the lights on, which say "GO AWAY"]
Squidward: ...to go away!
SpongeBob: Oh? You’re a liberal? 
Squidward: NO! I AM NOT A LIBERAL! I just think this whole Rishmas thing is stupid, I hate politics. Why is Rishi Sunak so special anyway?
SpongeBob: Becauuusee… ♪Sunak, Sunak, Sunak has his jolly little eyes on me. He sees everything I do, with his left eye on me and his right eye on you!♪ 
Squidward: That’s creepy. Are the Tories really spying on us?
SpongeBob: Don’t think about it too much.
[SpongeBob skips up to Patrick’s house, next to a box on a stick tied with string to a cookie] 
SpongeBob: ♪Sunak, Sunak, Sunak has his jolly little eyes on me-♪ 
[SpongeBob notices the box.]
SpongeBob: What’s that?!
Patrick: It's a trap! A trap for Sunak!
SpongeBob: Ooh! Baited with Rishmas treats?
[Patrick starts singing in the tune of "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy".]
Patrick: ♪I will trap Sunak in my box, locked up like Fort Knox and make him suck my cock!♪ 
SpongeBob: Rishi is hot.
Patrick: He is.
[Cut to Peppa Pig’s house.]
Daddy Pig: ♪Sunak, Sunak, Sunak has his jolly little eyes on me!
Even when I was a cheat, Sunak had his eyes on me!
But now I’m back with Mummy Pig
Fa la la la la la la la la lig!
Sunak, Sunak, Sunak has his jolly little eyes on me!
[SpongeBob suddenly appears.]
SpongeBob: Hi Daddy Pig!
Peppa: Hi SpongeBob!
George: Hi SpunchBop!
Daddy Pig: SpongeBob! I told you I was spending Rishmas with my family this year.
SpongeBob: You forgot your glasses.
[SpongeBob hands Daddy Pig his glasses.]
Daddy Pig: I wondered why everything was so fuzzy! Thanks, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Don’t mention it.
[SpongeBob skips off again.]
SpongeBob: ♪Ohh... Sunak, Sunak, Sunak has his jolly little eyes on me! Fa la la la la la la la la lee! 
[SpongeBob sees Sandy's treedome] 
SpongeBob: And who is that I see? Underneath her Rishmas tree?♪
[Cut to Sandy’s treedome.]
Sandy: ♪Oh, Rishmas, oh, Rishmas, its sweet mystery. I'll mix a dash of Rishmas cheer with a candy cane and deconstruct its alchemy.♪
SpongeBob: Merry Rishmas, Sandy!
Sandy: Merry Rishmas, SpongeBob!
[Cut to the Chum Bucket.]
Plankton: ♪Oh, Sunak, Sunak, Sunak has his eye on me. 
He's seen everything I've done. 
Every plot, plan, and scheme. 
It's just a bit of fun. 
Sunak has his eye on me. 
Every naughty deed is written in his scroll. 
So every Rishmas morning,
I GET A STOCKING FULL OF COAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!♪
Karen: Maybe you'd get a real present from Rishi Sunak if you weren't the biggest jerk in Bikini Bottom.
Plankton: I'm way ahead of you, Karen! 
[A periodic table lowers from ceiling. Plankton walks over to it and sticks a piece of notepad paper on it reading “Jt - Jerktonium”.] 
Plankton: There is one element in the known universe that can turn even the nicest sap into the biggest jerk they can be! And I, Plankton have discovered it. 
[Plankton pulls a lever and a piece of Jerktonium contained in a glass capsule lowers from the ceiling.] 
Plankton: Behold! Jerktonium. I'll give everyone in Bikini Bottom a present of the most innocent of all holiday goodies. The Rishi cake!
[A picture of a cake shaped like Rishi Sunak’s face appears on-screen.] 
Plankton: And each and every slice will be laced with Jerktonium! Once ingested, no one can help becoming the biggest, creepiest, meanest jerk ever! Then Rishi Sunak will realize that Sheldon J. Plankton isn't so bad after all! And then I'll finally get what I really want for Rishmas, the Krabby Patty secret formula! 
[Plankton jumps on an oven and holds the Rishi cake] 
Plankton: And now for the main ingredient, Jerktonium! Okay, Jerktonium, do your stuff! 
[The Jerktonium does it stuff and infects the Rishi cake.]
Plankton: It's complete! (evil laugh)
[Plankton walks out of the restaurant.]
Plankton: The Jerkmaker 9000 will make doling out tainted Rishi cake a breeze! Now, who's gonna be my first victim?
[SpongeBob suddenly appears.]
SpongeBob: Hey, Plankton! What've you got there? (gasps) Hey! Is that a Rishi cake dispenser? You don't suppose I could have a piece, do ya?
Plankton: Sure thing, Rishi cake! Here you go! 
[Plankton presses a button on the dispenser as a robotic arm gives SpongeBob a Rishi cake]
Plankton: Hot from the oven and full of lovin'!
SpongeBob: Ooh! Ooh! Hot! Hot! Hot! 
[SpongeBob takes a bite of the infected Rishi cake.]
SpongeBob: Mmm! Tasty!
Plankton: So, how do you feel, kinda cranky?
SpongeBob: No.
Plankton: Sorta surly?
SpongeBob: Mm-mm.
Plankton: Maybe just a little bit jerky?
SpongeBob: No. I feel just how this cake tastes! Absolutely delicious!
Plankton: Hmm... He must have gotten a piece without Jerktonium! Here. Try some more.
SpongeBob: Don't mind if I do!
[SpongeBob eats more Rishi cake.]
Plankton: How's your dander? Is it up?
SpongeBob: No. How could I possibly be angry when my taste buds are swimming in Rishmas cheer? 
[SpongeBob takes another piece; cutaway to inside of his mouth]
Taste Bud: Oh, boy, here comes some more! Yaaaay!
Plankton: Grrr! Have some more! 
[Plankton fires a piece into SpongeBob's mouth] 
Plankton: Have a whole loaf! 
[The arm stuffs a loaf into SpongeBob's mouth] 
Plankton: Have a baker's dozen! 
[He fires 15 Rishi cakes into SpongeBob's mouth] 
Plankton: …Well?
SpongeBob: Well…
[SpongeBob swallows.]
SpongeBob: I think everyone should taste your amazing Rishi cake!
Plankton: (annoyed) You know what? Knock yourself out. 
[Plankton throws SpongeBob the keys to the dispenser] 
Plankton: Stupid hunk of junk-tonium! (sarcastically) My gift to Bikini Bottom. Boy, oh, boy. 
[Plankton goes back inside the Chum Bucket as SpongeBob begins riding the Rishi cake dispenser like a go-kart. He comes across three Rishmas carolers.]
SpongeBob: Hello, fellow revelers! Would you like a Rishmas treat?
Mummy Sheep: Why, sure, SpongeBob!
Zoltan's Mum: Yeah, who doesn't like treats?
[SpongeBob dives into the dispenser and emerges with a plate of Rishi cake] 
SpongeBob: Nothing loosens up the old pipes like some Rishi cake. Dig in!
[All three carolers take a piece]
Zoltan's Mum: It's like a present for my mouth!
SpongeBob: I knew you'd like it.
[Mummy Sheep grows bushy eyebrows, bags under her eyes, and a five-o'clock shadow.] 
Mummy Sheep: Hey! Did we come here to sing or eat fancy cake?
Zoltan's Mum: Whoa, calm down, Mummy Sheep! What do you want to sing?
Mummy Sheep: Well, I want to sing the only Rishmas song that matters, and that's “Jingle Bells”. From the top! A one and a two and a-
Madame Gazelle: (turns into a jerk) No, hold your holly! We're singing the best Rishmas song ever, and that's “I Saw Mommy Kissing Rishi Sunak”!
Mummy Sheep: Ew.
Zoltan's Mum: (turns into a jerk) Hey, I want to sing “Prince Andrew is a Sweaty Nonce”!
[They all continue to argue; SpongeBob drives away, unaware that they have been poisoned with Jerktonium] 
SpongeBob: Great to see people so passionate about the holidays.
[Plankton emerges from the Chum Bucket on a unicycle] 
Plankton: What's all the racket? What do you know? The Jerktonium seems to work on these jerks. Very interesting.
[Cut to a shot of a Rishmas parade in town]
SpongeBob: Oh boy, a Rishmas parade! The perfect occasion to spread some mouthwatering joy. (singing) ♪Oh, everyone, try some hot Rishi cake today. Eat it all up and you will shout “Hooray”!♪
Bikini Bottomites: ♪Yay!♪
SpongeBob: ♪Everyone can get behind a mouthful of warm sunshine, everyone eat a Rishmas time cliché.♪ 
[The whole town starts turning into jerks. Somebody pops a kid's balloon. Another person smashes a gift over somebody's head. Pearl squirts water at passers by] 
SpongeBob: ♪Everyone can get behind a mouthful of Rishmas time, let's all eat some hot Rishi cake today!♪
[Plankton cycles through the now-rioting town.]
Plankton: This just keeps getting better and better!
[Cut to a man dressed as Rishi Sunak with a child on his knee.]
Costumed Rishi Sunak: Ho ho ho! So, little boy, what would you like for Rishmas?
Pedro Pony: I want a sled and a truck and a bike and a train-
SpongeBob: Hi, Sunak! Have some Rishi cake!
[SpongeBob throws some cake at the costumed Sunak, who eats it.]
Pedro Pony: -and a water pistol and a helicopter and – and, uh ...
Costumed Rishi Sunak: (turns into a jerk) Well, why don't you get a job and buy all that junk yourself? And while you're at it try brushing your teeth, you little-
Plankton: Success! Soon EVERYONE will be jerks! Now I just need to figure out what to do about old SpongeBoy.
[Cut to Plankton's lab]
Karen: Once again your master plan is fatally flawed. [She brings up a diagram] It seems that SpongeBob's innocent love of the holidays shields his heart from the effects of Jerktonium.
SpongeBob Diagram: Dahahaha! That tickles.
Plankton: Drat! That square-head's gonna throw my whole naughty to nice curve right off! I guess it's time to introduce Plan B. 
[Plankton pulls a lever and a giant SpongeBob robot drops from the ceiling] 
Plankton: HAHAHAHAHA! Plan B, meet Karen. Now go, my automated agent of naughtiness, go and destroy SpongeBob's good name! 
[Plankton laughs evilly but nothing happens] 
Plankton: …huh? Oh yeah.
[Plankton winds up a key in the robot’s back.]
ToyBob: I am ready, I am ready, I am ready. Ready to destroy Rishmas. 
[Flames shoot from ToyBob’s car. He leaves the Chum Bucket and destroys a car, then heads for Peppa Pig’s House. Daddy Pig is carrying a huge Rishmas tree on his back up the hill.]
Daddy Pig: Augh… augh…
Peppa: Hooray! It’s Daddy!
Daddy Pig: AGGHHHH!
[Daddy Pig puts the tree down and collapses on the floor.]
Mummy Pig: Are you alright, Daddy Pig?
Peppa: Was the tree heavy?
Daddy Pig: (panting in exhaustion) Not at all Peppa. I’m… (breathes) as fit as a fiddle.
Mummy Pig: Great! Now we need to do is-
[ToyBob shows up and burns the tree down.]
Mummy Pig: Maybe we can just do without a Rishmas tree this year.
[Cut to SpongeBob riding the dispenser through Bikini Bottom. He comes across the three carolers he first gave Plankton's Rishi cake to.]
SpongeBob: Merry Rishmas, fellas!
Mummy Sheep: Ah, go stuff a stocking!
SpongeBob: Gee. That wasn't very nice. 
[He drives past Peppa Pig’s house, where Daddy Pig is carrying a new tree up his hill.]
SpongeBob: Seasons greetings, Daddy Pig!
Daddy Pig: Fuck off, yer wanker!
SpongeBob: What?
Daddy Pig: You know bloody hell what! You have some nerve showing up here again.
SpongeBob: Well… okay. See you later, Daddy Pig!
[SpongeBob drives back over to Conch Street, where Patrick is setting up another trap] 
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick! What're you up to?
Patrick: I think it's pretty obvious, SpongeBob! 
[Patrick eats a slice of Rishi cake] 
Patrick: I'm eating Rishi cake and setting a tiger trap for Sunak! Now, if you don't mind, I'm kind of busy right now.
SpongeBob: Yeesh, okay. Don't have to be a jerk about it.
[SpongeBob drives off.]
Patrick: NosyPants. 
[Patrick falls into his own trap.] 
Patrick: Yay, it works! …oh, hi doggie.
[Patrick screams as the tiger mauls him to death; the next morning, SpongeBob steps outside.]
SpongeBob: Ah, Rishmas Eve! When all of Bikini Bottom is filled with goodwill.
[Two people walk by SpongeBob’s house.]
Johnny: Merry Rishmas, Frankie.
Frankie: Merry Rishmas to you, too, Johnny. 
[Frankie throws a snowball in Johnny's face]
SpongeBob: More like bad will! Gosh, if people don't start acting nicer, Sunak's going to fly right past Bikini Bottom this Rishmas Eve! I'm gonna need some help. 
[SpongeBob knocks on Squidward's door] 
SpongeBob: Squidward! My precious baby boy!
Squidward: (on other side of door) Fuck off! I'm not home!
SpongeBob: Oh gosh, what do I do now?!
Squidward: Why don't you go bother Sandy?
SpongeBob: Good idea, Squidward! I'll have to thank you when you get home. 
[SpongeBob leaves, narrowly missing ToyBob as it walks up to Squidward's house, knocking on the door.]
Squidward: I thought I told you to fuck off! I'm not home! 
[ToyBob wrenches the door off its hinges] 
Squidward: SPONGEBOB, GIVE ME BACK MY DOOR!
[ToyBob smashes it over Squidward's head; cut to Sandy's treedome. SpongeBob rushes in.]
SpongeBob: Sandy, Sandy! I need your help! It's Rishmas Eve and everyone in Bikini Bottom are acting like jerks! You gotta help me find out why.
[Sandy turns around and bares her teeth, scaring SpongeBob, showing that she's become a jerk too.] 
Sandy: Why should I help all them jerks?
SpongeBob: Because those jerks don't care about Rishmas anymore, Sandy! It's a problem.
Sandy: Problem? My only problem is I'm out of Rishi cake. Only thing I've got left to eat are boring old nuts. 
[Sandy throws a nut SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Oh, the problem isn't the Rishi cake! The problem is that everyone, including you, is acting like a jerk! Oh, I'll have to solve this on my own. 
[SpongeBob turns to leave but slips on a nut, accidentally throwing the Rishi cake into Sandy's Rishmas analyzer from earlier]
SpongeBob: Whoops.
Sandy: Dagnabbit, SpongeBob, you got Rishi cake in my Rishmas magic analyzer! 
[An alarm sounds] 
Sandy: Well, I'll be hornswaggled. My analyzer's found something in the Rishi cake! 
[Sandy looks at the reading and gasps] 
Sandy: This is terrible!
SpongeBob: What is it, Sandy?
Sandy: The Rishi cake is contaminated with Jerktonium! No wonder I've been as ornery as a sidewinder on a hot driveway. Jerktonium is the orneriest element of them all and your Rishi cake is full of it. Where'd you get that Rishi cake, anyway?
SpongeBob: From Plankton, he baked it.
Sandy: …you took food from Plankton and fed it to everyone in town?
SpongeBob: Uh-huh.
Sandy: …you're an idiot.
SpongeBob: Uh-huh.
Sandy: No wonder everyone in town is a big old meanie.
SpongeBob: Oh! I've eaten tons of that Rishi cake! I must be the biggest jerk in town!
Sandy: (pokes SpongeBob) Hmm … You don't act jerky. For some reason, it's not affecting you. It must be a combination of your tiny brain and pure heart. You're immune to Jerktonium, SpongeBob, but the rest of us will need an antidote. I'll set the analyzer to calculate the formula. 
[Sandy pulls a switch and a music score pops out] 
Sandy: Why, this formula for the antidote don't make no sense at all!
SpongeBob: Hmm… That's no formula! It's a song! 
[SpongeBob hums the tune and Sandy becomes her normal self] 
SpongeBob: Sandy, the song is the antidote!
[Cut to downtown Bikini Bottom, where people are still rioting]
Fish 6: Oh yeah? Well your fins are fat!
[SpongeBob starts singing the antidote.]
SpongeBob: Ahoy, everybody!
♪Fuck the Tories
Fuck, fuck the Tories
Fuck the Tories
Fuck, fuck the Tories
Fuck the Tories
Fuck, fuck the Tories
Cause we’ve had enough
Of them fucking us
They fucked up the economy
They fucked the NHS
They fucked up the environment
We’re in a fucking mess
They fucked up public services
They fucked us through and through
It’s time to stand up for ourselves
And say ‘FUCK YOU!’
Fuck the Toriеs
Fuck, fuck the Tories
Fuck the Toriеs
Fuck, fuck the Tories
Fuck the Tories
Fuck, fuck the Tories
Cause we’ve had enough
Of them fucking us
They only help the richest
Their cronies own the press
We pay more tax than ever
But we get a whole lot less
They persecute the poorest
Now the workers are on strike
While this unelected government
Do what the fuck they like
So…
Fuck the Tories
Fuck, fuck the Tories
Fuck the Tories
Fuck, fuck the Tories
Fuck the Tories
Fuck, fuck the Tories
Cause we’ve had enough
Of them fucking us
You might say you don’t vote Labour
Or you wouldn’t vote LibDem
But the time has come for anyone
That isn’t fucking them
Fuck the Tories
Fuck, fuck the tories
Fuck the Tories
Fuck, fuck the tories
Fuck the Tories
Fuck, fuck the tories
Cause we’ve had enough
Of them fucking us
Fuck the Tories
Fuck, fuck the tories
Fuck the Tories
Fuck, fuck the tories
Fuck the Tories
Fuck, fuck the tories
Cause we’ve had enough
We’ve had enough
We’ve all had enough
Of them fucking us♪
[SpongeBob finishes the song, turning everyone back into their normal selves.]
Sandy: Congratulations, SpongeBob, your song worked!
SpongeBob: And not a moment too soon. Rishi Sunak should be here any minute!
Daddy Pig: You’re not kiddin'. Here he comes now!
[They all clear the way as Rishi Sunak' sleigh and reindeer land in downtown Bikini Bottom.]
SpongeBob: Oh, boy! Sunak! You made it!
Rishi Sunak: Whoa, ho, ho, ho, ho! Cool your jets there, son. I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad tidings.
SpongeBob: Oh, no!
Rishi Sunak: Oh, yes. It seems you're all on my naughty list this year.
SpongeBob: Naughty list?!
Rishi Sunak: No buts about it. You've all been a bunch of jerks.
SpongeBob: But---!
Rishi Sunak: But nothing. Coal for everyone! Except Plankton.
All: WHAT?!
Rishi Sunak: I'm just as surprised as you, but compared to the rest of you, he's been a saint.
[Rishi Sunak hands Plankton the Krabby Patty formula.] 
Rishi Sunak: Here you go, Sheldon, I believe this is what you asked for.
SpongeBob: The secret formula?! How’d you get that?
Rishi Sunak: I’m a Tory.
Daddy Pig: Ohhhh. 
SpongeBob: Maybe Squidward was right. 
SpongeBob: But- but- but- but- but- but---! 
[Daddy Pig slaps SpongeBob.]
SpongeBob: But, Sunak, you've got it all wrong!
Rishi Sunak: On the contrary, SpongeBob, you're the worst of all. There you go, right now—wreaking havoc!
[The crowd parts and reveals the rampaging ToyBob]
Plankton: Uh-oh.
ToyBob: I am ready to destroy Rishmas. Destroy Sunak.
[SpongeBob shields Rishi.]
SpongeBob: If you want Sunak, you gotta get through me!
ToyBob: Okey-dokey. 
[ToyBob karate-chops SpongeBob.]
Rishi Sunak: Oh, my.
SpongeBob: Is that all you got?
[ToyBob picks SpongeBob up, flings him far away and releases a flame]
Rishi Sunak: I'm out of here. 
[ToyBob picks up Rishi.]
Rishi Sunak: No, please! I have so much to live for! Like my coke collection.
SpongeBob: You put that jolly Tory down, you big tin imposter! 
[SpongeBob begins firing the Rishi cake at ToyBob.] 
SpongeBob: Hot from the oven, full of lovin'! 
[ToyBob releases Rishi Sunak, and it fucking explodes.]
Rishi Sunak: Thanks for saving my keister.
SpongeBob: Oh, it was nothing.
Rishi Sunak: You're clearly a very good lad, unlike the owner of that wind-up monstrosity.
[Rishi picks up the wind-up key that fell off the robot.]
Rishi Sunak: What have we got there? "If found, please return to the Chum Bucket"?! Plankton?!
Plankton: Uh-oh.
Daddy Pig: Hand it over, Plankton. Don't make it any worse. 
[Daddy Pig takes the Krabby Patty formula and hands it to SpongeBob.]
SpongeBob: Thanks.
Daddy Pig: Don’t mention it.
[Daddy Pig flings Plankton at Rishi Sunak's sleigh, and he splatters all over it. He falls off, leaving squish marks on the sleigh]
Rishi Sunak: O.K., boys, let's give Plankton what he deserves. 
[Rishi Sunak pours a bag of coal onto Plankton. He hops onto his sleigh.]
Rishi Sunak: So long, kiddies! Ho-o-o-o, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
[Rishi Sunak flies off.]
SpongeBob: Bye Rishi!
[Pause.]
SpongeBob: Wait… he never gave us any of our presents!
Daddy Pig: That lying eejit!
Squidward: I told you all, never trust a Tory.
Mrs. Puff: Is the Brexit Party okay?
Sandy: Let’s just wait for Christmas and get our presents from Santa.
SpongeBob: Yuh. …say, where’s Patrick?
[Cut to Patrick lying dead on the ground, having being brutally murdered by the tiger earlier. Blood splatters out of his neck spelling out “Merry Rishmas” on the ground.]
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