Million-Dollar Abie/Quotes

:Abe: I thought he was trying to steal my jewels and all them pictures of Bert and Lucy!
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:Dr. Egoyan: As you surrender your body, what musical and visual orientations would you like to experience?
:Abe: I want to hear the Glenn Miller Orchestra and see cops beating up hippies!
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:NFL Commissioner: (looking at street signs) The names on this map say Main Street and Evergreen Terrace, but all I can see are Two Point Conversion Avenue and Off-Season Knee Surgery Boulevard.
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:Homer: You're a useless old man. Name one thing you do for this family!
:Abe: I watch the baby.
:Marge: Where is the baby?
:Abe: You left me with a baby?!
----Lenny: Hey Abe! Thanks for losing us our football team!
Mayor Quimby: Thanks to you, we have a $100,000,000 stadium we can only use for... farmers' markets
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:Maggie: (in baby talk with subtitles) Bald mommy is sure to fail!
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:Abe: If I knock him out, I'll be a hero. And people will listen to my loose-brained nonsense.
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:Lyrics to "Springfield Blows":
:L.A. makes great movies
:And awesome TV shows
:Springfield don't make nothin
:Cause Springfield blows
:Springfield blows (3 times)
:Yes, Springfield blows
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:Lisa: No wait, wait! Bullfighting is a cruel, pseudo-sport!
:Homer: Lisa's right! It is a cool, super sport!
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:Homer: I've come up with our team — the Springfield Meltdowns! And here is our stadium, sponsored by corporate naming. It's the Duff Beer Krustyburger Buzz Cola Costington's Department Store Kwik-E-Mart Stupid Flanders Park! So, Homer do good?
:Marge: Homer do great! (they kiss) Uh, maybe Homer brush teeth first.
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:Young Abe: (at an HUAC meeting) I would like to name the following friends of mine as members of the Communist party.
:Speaker: You're just here to test the microphone.
:Young Abe: Fred Wilson, my brother Bill, Dom DiMaggio, the paper boy, Howdy Doody, Josef Stalin... (gets removed by security guards)
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:Sideshow Mel: "Touchdown Avenue"? Delightful!
:Jimbo: Who ya talkin' to? Your imaginary girlfriend?
:Sideshow Mel: Oh! Isn't your mother a well-known whore?
:Jimbo: (gasp) You win this round, Mel.
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:Dr. Egoyan: (waiting for Grandpa to die) One more minute.
:(Chief Wiggum, Eddie, and Lou burst in)
:Wiggum: Freeze! The voters just overturned the assisted suicide law!
:Dr. Egoyan: (getting handcuffed) I'll kill you all!...when the law is reversed.
:Wiggum: I'd like to see you try!...when the law is reversed.
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:Souvenir Jacket Guy: We should make the stadium a bull fighting ring. If the bull dies, the crowd goes wild. If Grandpa dies, the crowd goes wild. Either way, we make a fortune.
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:Lenny: (after Grandpa opens the outer gate) I don't know what he's doing and I'm smart. Not book smart or street smart or brain smart, but something.
es:Million Dollar Abie/Frases