Rebirth

Rebirth is the fifty-eighth episode of Cult of Squid and the finale of season six. It released on October 30th, 2022 and was written by Locknloaded23 and Purple133.
==Plot==
Squidward realizes he has to make a difficult decision on whether or not he finally ends the cult, or relocates them. The Cult also has to figure out a way to bring down Project Phoenix and end their nefarious goals for a “reborn” Bikini Bottom.
==Transcript==
Previous on Cult of Squid…
(Carry On Wayward Son begins to play)
Satan: God. Big G, little od. Anyways, I’ve got to bounce, but it seems fitting to leave you with a little something. 
Squidward: What? No! Go away! Go back to hell, stay locked in that cage forever!
Satan: Oderunt te vivere summa maled-
(Satan starts to disintegrate)
Satan: maledicam!
…
Squidward: AahhhhhHhHhHhH!
Random Citizen: We’re just rebuilding, what are YOU doing back here?
Squidward: I well um-run!
(Squidward starts to run again)
…
Squilliam: Satan himself put a curse on you Squidward, he doesn’t just do that because somebody pissed him off. He must’ve known that you were going to serve a greater purpose in the grand scheme of things, but probably didn’t account for this.
Squidward: And what’s this?
Squilliam: Take five steps back. Turn around. Run like HELL. And when you get to Rock Bottom, you’ll have to figure out something from there. Here, take this with you.
(Squilliam hands Squidward the Book of the Damned)
Squidward: The Book of the Damned?
…
SpongeBob: Zomp sent us here via a spellbook of The Damned?
Joel: Spellbook of the Damned? That's what last week's episode was about! I remember writing that Zomp transported you to another realm at the end. I guess somehow you got transported here.
Squidward: (queasy) where were you going to… have him send us…
Joel: I was gonna have him send you back to the Destroyed Timeline. I was just about to begin writing the episode, as a matter of fact.
…
Noseward: Anyways, I did some more reading on this mysterious Project Phoenix group and honestly I don’t know what their game is. 
SpongeBob: I don’t think that anybody does. Well we know they want to “rebuild” but they’ve been really shady about a lot of it.
Squidward: Example being..
SpongeBob: Well mostly the brainwashing of innocent civilians.
Squidward: You didn’t bring this up sooner because-?
SpongeBob: Well I forgot okay? They used some type of dark magic to assert their will on top of Satan’s curse. So now there’s people out there who want us all dead and are carrying out the will of the Phoenix as they call it. 
…
(Crayons notices Markers trying to sneak away, so he points a gun to Marker's head)
Crayons: we are taking you with us. Any resistance and I blow your brains out. Now tell us, brainiac: how did you get involved with Project Phoenix? 
…
Markers: You’ll all get yours! You’ll see! YOU’LL ALL SEE!!
(Markers is almost fully into the portal)
…
Squidward: So it’s a draw?
Phoenix Captain: For now, it’s a draw. 
…
(Markers puts the book of the damned in his pocket)
Squidward: What use do you get out of it anyways?
Markers: Power, Squidward. You idiots led me right to one of the most powerful objects in the entire world, and now I’m going to leave and you can’t stop me. I’ll see you all again! 
…
Security: Who are you?
Stanford: Well he’s President Smolder of course!
President Smolder: Yeah, it’s me. But that wasn’t my name until I started this glorious project.
Security: (as smoke is clearing) wait no it can’t be-
President Smolder: It can be. And it is! 
(The camera pans from behind President Smolder to show us who he is)
Security: LRH?
…
(Squidward tries to punch LRH but drops to the floor in defeat)
LRH: Really, Squidward? I thought you had it in you. The OLD you would’ve, but you don’t anymore. You’re pathetic Squidward, and now you’ve lost.
(LRH walks back to the crowd)
LRH: The cult is going to leave! It’s time for this city to be reborn!
Squidward: (Angrily glares at LRH) Make us leave.
LRH: Excuse me?
Squidward: You heard me, I said MAKE us.
LRH: Have it your way.
(LRH motions for his guards to walk away as the angry citizens begin to attack the cult with various items)
Noseward: (to Squidward) what do we do?
Squidward: We need to run, NOW. 
…
(Finale begins where the last episode left off; angry citizens approach the Cult as Project Phoenix looks in delight, while LRH laughs maniacally)
Squidward: (Whispering to Cult) You guys, I think we really need to get the hell out of here.
Noseward: Do we fight them?
Squidward: No, we have to run. 
Security: Why can’t we just fight them?
Squidward: Because then Lord [dolphin noises] Head will most definitely either make us “reborn,” or just kill us completely, and both of those options terrify me.
Security: So, for once, we have to… not fight? And be totally peaceful? But that-
Squidward: (Slaps Security) Shut your f[dolphin noise] mouth and- 
(Squidward’s foot gets stepped on by an angry citizen on accident, causing Squidward to throw a punch at him as a natural defense)
Citizen: YEOW! You HIT me!
(The citizens begin to beat on the cultists with whatever they can find)
SpongeBob: (Watching in absolute horror) What do we do?
(Squidward notices a clear path through the crowd and motions for the cultists to follow him through it) 
Squidward: GO!
(Squidward secretly crawls through the path but is instantly cut off by more angry citizens)
Squidward: JUST LET US GO! PLEASE!
Citizen: WHY? SO YOU CAN CAUSE THE DEATH OF FISHKIND AGAIN?
Security: No, we need-
(Security gets nailed on the head by a cane, knocking him out)
Sullivan: CITIZENS! STOP THE NEEDLESS VIOLENCE!
(The citizens stop beating the Cult up and face Sullivan)
Sullivan: DON’T YOU SEE. THIS VIOLENCE, IT SOLVES NOTHING! WE NEED THEM TO BE REBORN, WE DON’T NEED THEM DEAD!
Squidward: (Coughing) Yeah, he’s right! Let us get back to our base and then we’ll come back to be reborn?
Sullivan: YOU MUST THINK I’M PRETTY STUPID. CITIZENS, CARRY THEM AND FOLLOW ME! THE REBIRTH MUST COMMENCE!
(The Citizens carry the Cult in their arms as they march away)
Citizens: (Chanting in sync) REBORN! REBORN! REBORN! REBORN! REBORN!
Squidward: You guys are crazy! We don’t want to be “reborn!”
SpongeBob: Squidward! What do you want us to do?
Squidward: Get us out of whatever the hell these guys are getting us into!
SpongeBob: Feathered Friends, follow me! I think I have a plan.
(SpongeBob, Krabs, and Plankton sprint away as the Cultists are carried off by the angry mob)
Squidward: Where exactly are you taking us?!
Sullivan: TO THE PHOENIX PLAZA! THE REBIRTH MUST BE CARRIED OUT!
(Cut to outside the bunker, the door is wide open and somebody’s inside as the Feathered Friends approach the door)
SpongeBob: Krabs, there’s somebody in there.
Krabs: Who do you think it is?
(SpongeBob goes up to the door, looks inside, and suddenly, a purple flame surrounds the 3 of them as they are warped to the bottom of the staircase)
SpongeBob: Huh? How did we get here?
(Markers is grabbing scrap metal from Crayons’ pile)
Markers: Hey, Feathered Friends, glad you’re here!
SpongeBob: But, how did we even get here? What are we doing here?
Markers: I brought you here using the Book Of The Damned. I need you.
SpongeBob: We were in the middle of something! We were trying to save the Cult
Markers: Whatever, I’ll send you back when we’re done here. Listen, there’s a good reason I brought you here.
Plankton: And what might that be, you old geezer?
Markers: I feel we have a very dangerous common enemy.
Krabs: Meaning?
Markers: I was burnt by Project Phoenix. No, that’s not supposed to be a pun. 
SpongeBob: Burnt? What do you mean, burnt?
Markers: You know what I mean. They opened fire on me too when I attacked you guys, I’m just as pissed off at them as you are. I want them gone as much as you do.
SpongeBob: You could’ve just gone with us to their lair!
Markers: Whatever! Believe me, SpongeBob. I really wanted you guys dead too. Part of me still does, but I can’t kill you now. You're too useful.
SpongeBob: Useful, how?
Markers: Safety in numbers, right?
(Markers glares at the Feathered Friends with a sinister smile sweeping across his face; cut to Squidward alone in a prison cell at Phoenix Plaza, watching Security, Noseward and Crayons being brought to an ominous door, labeled “REBIRTHING”; LRH enters his cell)
Squidward: (Stands up in anger) YOU! WHY ARE YOU IN HERE!? 
LRH: Doesn’t matter. You’re about to be reborn, my old… friend! Isn’t it a glorious new day for you, “Brother Squidward”, the ultimate evil of Bikini Bottom, finally choosing to be reborn?
Squidward: (Shouting) Chose?! YOU THINK I CHOSE THIS?! 
LRH: I know you did, Squidward. And somewhere deep down inside all that pain and anger and guilt you’re feeling right now, you know you chose it too. I can see inside you.
Squidward: Stop it! STOP IT! (Runs towards LRH to throw a punch, but LRH grabs his fist)
LRH: Squidward, believe me… You will thank me for this someday. Maybe not today… But someday. Someday, Squidward. (Tosses Squidward into the wall) Now, are you ready to watch your friends be reborn?
(Squidward growls in pain and anger, giving LRH a deathglare)
LRH: (Chuckles) You always were a stubborn one, weren’t you? (Chuckles again as he walks out the cell, turning around before exiting) You will thank me someday. Believe me. 
(LRH gives Squidward a smug glance as he walks towards the Cult)
LRH: (Shouting) LET THE REBIRTH… BEGIN!
(The Cult are forced inside the “Rebirth” room, as Squidward watches in anger)
Squidward: What are you doing to them?
LRH: Your “brothers” are about to be reborn. 
Squidward: Yeah, what does that mean?
LRH: You’ll see. 
(LRH follows the Cult into the Rebirth room and the door slams behind them; cut to the bunker where Markers is rummaging through his old belongings as the Feathered Friends watch)
SpongeBob: Markers, do you even have a plan of attack against the Phoenix soldiers?
Markers: Yes, yes I do. So here’s what’s going to happen. We’re going to walk right up to the front gates and using magic from the book, I’ll destroy anybody that gets in our way.
SpongeBob: So what exactly do you need from us?
Markers: I can’t go past the front gate with the book. LRH has some Atlantean magic warding all around the outside of the base. Believe me, if I wanted to break in I would, but that warding is too powerful for me to break. We’d need a master witch or warlock for that.
Plankton: You expect us to believe witches and warlocks exist?
Markers: You’ve seen what this book can do, you seriously don’t believe in magic at this point? 
Plankton: Aren’t you a man of science too?
Markers: I was, until your friend summoned the devil.
Plankton: Well, okay, but-
Markers: Stop being argumentative, Sheldon, it’s wearing me down. We can’t be wasting our time arguing, we need to stop Phoenix. I just need to find some guns for you guys.
Krabs: Oh sick, we get guns?
Markers: Yeah, what were you expecting?
Krabs: Swords, bows and arrows, I’m not really sure. I once killed Squidward by spearing his head. That was a fun day.
Plankton: When? I don’t remember this ever happening.
Krabs: Satan told me it happened in some destroyed timeline. I barely even understand it myself.
SpongeBob: Destroyed timeline? I mean… Theoretically, I guess that’s a thing that could exist. 
Markers: Well, yeah, timelines kind of come and go. It’s a whole process would take too long to explain, especially factoring in timeline manipulation tactics, as Satan seemed to enjoy doing. 
SpongeBob: Guys, we’re getting sidetracked. We need to focus on the objective
Markers: The kid’s right. Here; take some of my weaponry.
(Markers tosses SpongeBob three different guns)
Markers: Take your pick. One of those is a magnet gun that can push any metallic object away with extreme force, one can change the force of gravity on a person based on how long you charge it, and one’s just a gun.
(SpongeBob tosses Krabs the gravity gun and Plankton the gun)
Plankton: This is bogus, why do I get the lamest one?
SpongeBob: Didn’t you work for that Zomp guy? I assume you’d know the best ways to use a gun.
Plankton: Just because I worked for a man like Zomp doesn’t mean I instantly know how to use guns. But, you’re right - I know how to work a gun better than most!
Markers: Seems we’re all set. Let’s get going!
(Markers walks up the stairs and the Feathered Friends follow)
Krabs: No fancy teleportation this time?
Markers: I don’t feel like casting the spell. Too much vocal effort.
(Markers pushes the door to the outside world open; cut to the Rebirth room door slamming shut and two guards instantly rushing to it; A bright red glow begins to flash in the doorway’s cracks)
Squidward: What’s going on in there?!
Phoenix Guard 1: The best thing that could happen to any one of us: Rebirth.
Squidward: And what the hell is “Rebirth?”
Phoenix Guard 2: It’s the single most amazing feeling you can feel in your entire life. Everything about you is just completely reborn into your new best self.
Squidward: You’re not answering my question. In fact… you seem… Brainwashed.
Phoenix Guard 1: There isn’t any brainwashing happening here, only young men and women being taught how to be their best selves. I don’t remember my past, but I know my future. The fact that I’m serving such a greater cause for a higher power means I’m living the best reborn life I possibly can. 
Squidward: So you think that blue Atlantian jerk is a God?
Phoenix Guard 2: He’s the lamb.
Squidward: You guys are insane!
Phoenix Guard 1: What makes you say that?
Squidward: All this religious crap, you guys worship the man and don’t even realize you’re being brainwashed! BRAINWASHED!
Phoenix Guard 2: It’s not brainwashing, “Brother Squidward”, it’s rebirth. Plain and simple. I’m a new person. I lead a whole new life. And I have LRH to thank! LRH is the greatest man in my life!
Phoenix Guard 1: Now it’s your turn for rebirthing!  
Squidward: You’ll never get me there! I REFUSE TO BE BRAINWASHED!
Phoenix Guard 1: Quit using that word, “brainwashing!” That paints it in a negative light!
(Squidward holds handcuffs in front of his body)
Phoenix Guard 1: What’re you doing??
(Squidward looks at the cage’s steel bars nervously, as he pushes his thumbs back to the point of dislocation using the bar; Squidward quietly groans in pain, slipping his handcuffs off)
Phoenix Guard 2: WHAT IN THE-
(Squidward punches Phoenix Guard 1 in the face and kicks the other one in the stomach, then dives toward the door. PG1 wipes blood away from his nose and slams his fins into Squidward’s back as he’s on the ground, causing him to cry out in pain)
Phoenix Guard 1: Nice try.
(Squidward wraps his legs around the shark’s legs and causes him to fall to the ground; He tries to stand up but when he does he falls to the ground in pain as he crawls away as fast as he can, until the guard he tripped grabs Squidward’s collar)
Phoenix Guard 1: Where do you think YOU’RE going? (Hearty laugh) You almost had me there. But unfortunately, you forgot one thing; YOU CAN NEVER BEAT A SHARK AT A FIGHT.
(The guard grabs Squidward by his throat and forces him to stand up through the pain)
Phoenix Guard 1: Now, let’s try this again. And if you try anything funny, I will break your neck next. (Squeezes Squidward’s throat once) DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
(Squidward nods)
Phoenix Guard 1: (Lets go of Squidward) Good. Now, we’re gonna do this again, but RIGHT this time.
(Squidward is led to the door of the Rebirthing room, with a visible look of fear on his face; cut to Markers, SpongeBob, Krabs, and Plankton outside of the Phoenix Plaza)
Markers: You guys remember the plan, right?
Krabs: Yeah, we go in and blast all of the guards with our guns.
Markers: That sums it up. I’m going to stay out here and fend off any reinforcements but I can’t bring the book inside. That place is warded to the extreme! There should be some sort of tower to look for that’s holding the warding up. Destroy whatever flame they have burning at the top and the warding should go down. 
SpongeBob: I’ll get to the Cult members if Krabs and Plankton can put out the warding.
Plankton: Sounds like a plan to me.
Markers: Let’s get this over with. 
(Some guards appear outside and Markers shoots a lightning bolt at them)
Markers: What are you waiting for? Go inside, now!
(The trio runs into the Phoenix Plaza)
SpongeBob: Do you guys trust Markers?
Krabs: Not even in the slightest, boy. But I don’t think any of us really has a choice whether or not we should trust him right now.
SpongeBob: I’m just worried he’ll screw us. He always finds a way to screw us.
Krabs: I think these Phoenix guys have him legitimately scared.
SpongeBob: Yeah. Let’s just get this over with. 
(A guard appears in front of Plankton shoots him in the leg before SpongeBob and Krabs can react)
Phoenix Guard: OW! THAT HURT!
Krabs: Why didn’t you just kill him?
Plankton: Trying something new. 
(SpongeBob uses his magnetic gun to pull a door off its hinges and slam it against the guard, knocking him unconscious)
Plankton: Where are they keeping them?
(The trio is walking down a long hallway with a lot of doors that leads to a kelp garden at the end)
Krabs: Is this a prison hall?
(There’s a loud bang from one of the rooms followed by knocking at the door from the inside; the knocking turns into desperate pounding)
Unknown Fish: HELP ME! PLEASE! HELP! HELP! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(There’s a red glow from underneath the door and the pounding stops)
SpongeBob: How much do you want to bet this is our stop?
Krabs: Let’s go on my count. 3…2…1…
(SpongeBob tries to blast the door back but he’s blasted back)
SpongeBob: I’m going to keep trying. Plankton, Krabs, I think I see the tower in that kelp garden over there. Go take out the warding!
Plankton: On it.
(Krabs picks up Plankton and sprints down the hall and the tower comes into sight)
Plankton: I think that’s it.
Krabs: What are we waiting for?
(Krabs walks up to the tower and uses his gun to make the top of the tower incredibly heavy, causing the tower to collapse on itself; in the rubble, Markers walks in)
Markers: Thanks boys.
Krabs: Huh?
(Krabs notices the flame in a goblet still burning)
Krabs: What’s THAT about? Didn’t you say-
Markers: Don’t mind what I said, Eugene. I needed this goblet and you hand delivered it to me.
Plankton: So what was all that about the warding and-
Markers: Oh that was a little half truth. This fiery goblet does hold significant power, but it was only keeping some pretty weak warding up. 
Krabs: So why lie?
Markers: Why should I tell you? After all, you and your buddies did trap me in an alternate dimension where I almost died countless times. Did you seriously think I wasn’t going to find a way to get some payback?
Krabs: I’ll-
Markers: What? Shoot me? Kill me? Try it, Eugene.
(Krabs turns his gun on and tries collapsing Markers’ lungs but Markers teleports away before he can do anything; cut to Squidward in the Rebirthing chamber with the guard and Noseward)
Squidward: Noseward, you’re here too?
Noseward: Yeah, honestly not the best customer service skills here.
Squidward: What are you talking about?
(Noseward nudges Squidward who sees somebody being dragged into a smoky red tube)
Squidward: What’s that?
Noseward: It’s better if you don’t question it. Most of the Cult’s been through. Everyone who wasn’t deemed as somebody who had to go through immediately is here with us.
Squidward: I only see you and…Brother Snoozy?
Brother Snoozy: huh? Oh hey guys.
Squidward: What happened to everyone else?
Noseward: They put them in and then they got sent somewhere. I’m not sure where, but it’s only me and Snoozy here.
Phoenix Guard 1: Enough of the social hour boys, it’s almost time for rebirth.
(The smoke clears from the tube and Sister Yvonne emerges when it opens)
Squidward: Yvonne?
(LRH walks out from behind the tube)
LRH: Yvonne isn’t home right now.
Yvonne: Thank you LRH. The rebirth process is painless Squidward, you’ll love it!
Squidward: Who’s next?
LRH: You.
(The guards grab Squidward and force him out of his seat when the door suddenly blows open and SpongeBob’s standing outside)
SpongeBob: I’m here to rescue you guys!
(The guards charge at SpongeBob; Krabs and Plankton enter the room)
LRH: Looks like we have ourselves a little party here! Good thing I have friends too.
(LRH beckons the two guards in the room to stand by him and then pushes a button that causes a siren to go off)
LRH: You’ve got exactly ten seconds until I have all of you killed. Any last words?
Noseward: Not really-
LRH: Close enough. KILL THEM.
(A squadron of Phoenix Guards have arrived at the door)
Squidward: Guys I know this looks bad and there’s only six of us, but we have to fight if we’re going to get out of here alive.
Plankton: Sounds good to me, I’ve been geared for a fight for quite a while.
(The guards begin to shoot at the cultists but Krabs makes the bullets super heavy so they all drop to the ground and leave impressions, prompting the guards to take out swords and spears)
Krabs: Here we go again. Hand to hand combat?
Squidward: Like old times.
(The guards rush the cultists, LRH and Yvonne leave the room as the fighting breaks out but Squidward ducks under a guard and chases them into the hall)
Squidward: You need to break free, Sister!
LRH: Break free of what? She’s simply been reborn.
(Yvonne stands up and walks away)
Yvonne: Thanks for saving me, oh great LRH!
LRH: You keep meddling with my plans, Squidward. I really don’t appreciate it.
(LRH throws a punch at Squidward’s face but he backs away before it can reach him)
Squidward: Not so tough without your mech, are you, you blue piece of (dolphin chirp)?
LRH: (Hearty laugh) Naive little fool. That is only what you think. You need to stop underestimating my power
(LRH’s eyes glow deep orange and then he grabs Squidward by the throat)
LRH: I was originally planning on allowing you to join my army and see you become reborn, but now I’m planning on ending your existence. This is your fault for not joining me, Squidward.
(LRH tightens his grip as Squidward’s face begins turning purple) 
LRH: IF YOU HAVE ANY LAST WORDS, IT MAY BE BEST TO SAY IT NOW.
Squidward: (Gasping for air) I’ve got… (Gasps for air) five...
LRH: Hurry up and say them. I can tell your puny little lungs are running out of air.
Squidward: (Squidward is still gasping for air) My last (coughs) words are… My guys beat… your guys.
LRH: (Stares at Squidward as he lets him go and drops him on the floor) What do you mean, YOUR guys beat MY guys?!
(Squidward gasps for air desperately on the floor, unable to speak)
LRH: . YOU LIE. YOU LIE. YOU ARE BLUFFING. I CAN PROVE TO YOU THAT YOUR MEN ARE ALL DEFEATED! AND WHEN I DO THAT.. YOU ARE DEAD! DEAD, YOU HEAR ME?! (Screaming even louder) DEAD!!
(Squidward is still desperately gasping for even a little air; LRH turns around and sees his men are still fighting Phoenix guards and all Squidward’s men are still alive; it takes a little bit to LRH to realize what just happened)
LRH: Well played, Squidward. Well play-
(Squidward punches LRH in the face; LRH wipes orange blood away from his lip and punches Squidward in the stomach; Squidward kicks him in the leg and then uppercuts him, but LRH grabs his fist and breaks his wrist)
LRH: Really? Thought you could get the upper hand on ME?
Squidward: Yes… I just had to bruise your ego a bit.
(Squidward screams while he grabs a broken tile and stabs LRH in the side with it)
LRH: (Coughs orange blood) GRRGH! GRAGH! Hunngh… Gragh!! Hungh-
(The wound begins to heal itself)
Squidward: What the (dolphin noises)?!
LRH: You only know the tricks I’ve shown you, Squidward.
(LRH begins glowing orange as he tosses Squidward to the corner of the room; Phoenix guards restrain Squidward against the wall as LRH glows, begins laughing, and slowly steps towards Squidward; Cut to the others fighting the guards)
SpongeBob: Hey random guard, CATCH!
Phoenix Guard 1: What-
(SpongeBob grabs a chair with his magnetic ray and throws it at the guard’s face)
Phoenix Guard 1: YOU-
(Noseward punches the guard and he goes unconscious)
Noseward: Get walloped!
Plankton: What?
(Plankton shoots a guard in the ankle; Brother Snoozy falls asleep)
Noseward: SNOOZY!
Brother Snoozy: (snores)
Noseward: DUDE WAKE UP!
Brother Snoozy: (stirring) huh?
Noseward: We need your help Brother! Wake up!
(Brother Snoozy stands as more guards fill the room and the FF and Noseward start to get overwhelmed)
Brother Snoozy: Stand back, I’ve got this. 
(Brother Snoozy looks at all of the Phoenix Guards)
Phoenix Guard 2: What are you gonna do? Put us to sleep?
(Brother Snoozy runs up to the guard and breaks his legs, then run up and slams two guards into each other causing them to both get knocked out; Snoozy grabs another guard by the vest and cracks the armor in half, then he burns the guard against the rebirth tube and throws him into the rest of the guards who all scatter; Snoozy yawns and then sleeps on the floor)
Noseward: What in the ACTUAL [dolphin noises]
SpongeBob: Could he always do that?
Noseward: I have no idea, dude. The mother[dolphin noise] spends 90% of the time sleeping.
(Cut to LRH beating up Squidward)
LRH: Pathetic.
(Kicks Squidward)
LRH: (More agitated tone of voice) Weak.
(Kicks Squidward again)
LRH: (EVen more agitated) DISAPPOINTMENT!
(LRH picks Squidward up and pins him to the wall)
LRH: (Yelling) ROOT OF ALL EVIL IN THE WORLD! CAUSED THE END OF THE UNIVERSE!
(LRH punches Squidward so hard his teeth comes out and blood splats on LRH’s face)
LRH: (Screaming at the top of his lungs) YOU DO NOT DESERVE THE TITLE “RULER”! YOU NEVER DID! YOU PATHETIC… WEAK… SELF-CENTERED… ARROGANT… GENOCIDAL… SOCIOPATHIC… (Screams the next word, holding on it) FREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!
(LRH raises his fist as if he is going to punch Squidward again) 
Squidward: (coughing up blood) at least… (coughs) I’m still going to win.
(LRH is so enraged, he drops Squidward on the floor as he begins punching him mercilessly several times; we see Squidward’s point of view, which is blurry with a ringing permeating the room as LRH’s angry face glares down at him with profuse amounts of blood, raising his fist; Squidward blinks as we switch out of his POV, closing his eyes preparing for the final blow which would surely kill him, when suddenly LRH stops dead in his tracks and falls backwards)
Squidward: (coughing) what?
(Camera reveals Plankton behind LRH, as he drops his gun to the ground and LRH looks down to see a bullet wound in his chest)
LRH: (Breathing heavily, then begins laughing) Well played.
(LRH begins to bleed, but suddenly the blood stops and his body glows orange again)
Squidward: This again…
SpongeBob: What’s happening?
Plankton: I…I don’t know!
Squidward: It’s… (Coughs) his rebirth... 
Plankton: What?
Squidward: He can’t die. I don’t know what they’re doing to people in there, but it almost seems like they’ve lost their souls completely.
SpongeBob: What are you talking about?
Squidward: Just think about it for a second. All of these guards, Lord Royal Highness, even Markers and Yvonne now, as I’ve seen first hand. Whatever they’re doing to people in that tube is causing them to lose not only their brains, but their souls as well. 
Noseward: What does that have to do with-
(LRH’s body begins to smolder and burn and turn into ash)
Squidward: I’m not sure… but I do know we aren’t gonna like what is about to happen.
(LRH’s body reforms in the ashes and he walks out, reborn)
LRH: (Laughing) You can’t win, Squidward. You know… You always pride yourself on being the most intelligent person among a sea of idiots… And you still can’t figure out that you just can’t beat me. 
(A guard appears behind SpongeBob and Krabs and grabs the guns, breaking them and then grabbing on to the two)
Squidward: What do you want. JUST TELL ME WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME. YOU CLEARLY DON’T WANT TO KILL ME… SO WHAT THE F[dolphin noise] DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!
LRH: I want you to take what’s left of your miserable little cult and leave. I want you gone. I don’t ever want to see your faces around here again. I don’t think you understand it, Squidward. This wasn’t ever about rebuilding Bikini Bottom or helping it be “reborn”. Think of it as new management. You and the cult had your chance, and you failed. And now it’s my time to shine. 
Squidward: So you kick me out and do exactly what I was doing that made you WANT to kick me out? You’re such a hypocrite.
LRH: I DO IT BETTER. This sea is mine Squidward, and it’s time for you to go. I’m afraid your time is up.
Squidward: And what if we refuse?
LRH: (Suddenly shouting, startling everyone in the room) I KILL ALL OF YOU!
Squidward: Where are the rest of my brothers?
LRH: THEY ARE GOING TO BE DEAD IF YOU DON’T LEAVE NOW. 
Squidward: You sleazy son of a [dolphin chirp].
(Squidward, after staring at LRH for an extended period of time angrily, turns around and walks down toward the garden where the tower was standing; Noseward and the FF follow, and then the cells begin to open and cultists pour out but only a few join Squidward)
LRH: Oh yeah, I’m not sure who I brainwashed. Guess we’ll find out.
(Security, Buff Jim, Crayons, and a few other random cultists join Squidward)
Security: Did we win, Brother Squidward?
Squidward: We just lost. Bad. 
Security: Lost? We… We lost?
Squidward: Open your damn eyes, Security - Lord Royal Highness is unkillable! UNKILLABLE! We can’t beat someone UNKILLABLE! 
Crayons: But.. .We beat Satan! And he was thought to be unstoppable!)
Squidward: But at what costs? It took us over 2 years to finally destroy Satan, and thousands of lives were lost in the struggle. I don’t want THAT to happen for THESE jerks. I just don’t… I just can’t…
Security: So… what now?
Squidward: We leave. 
Security: Leave? To where?!
(Squidward remains silent as the remaining cultists walk out of the broken tower and head back to the bunker; upon arrival, they see the door blown wide open and all the lights on inside)
Crayons: What happened here?
(Crayons and Squidward run into the basement and find everything a mess, aside from a box with a sticky note that says “Don’t Say I Never Did Anything For You”; Crayons opens the box and finds all of his paperwork inside of it)
Squidward: Markers left your paperwork?
Crayons: I guess so, I’m not sure why. 
Squidward: Let’s just get some stuff and go.
Crayons: Go where, Brother?
Squidward: (Breathes out heavily) The only place we can show our faces without being killed on site… The North.
(The camera pans above Crayons and Squidward and zooms out of the bunker; it zooms back in to show us a log cabin on the side of a mountain; Markers approaches the cabin and knocks on the door)
Markers: Hello? Anybody home?
(A large crab opens the door)
Crab: (Opens the door, and suddenly aims gun at Markers’ head) Who are you? What do you want? 
Markers: (Unphased) I assume this is who I was sent to speak to.
Crab: (Lowers gun) Who wants to know? What do ya got for me?
(Markers unzips his coat and grabs the Book of the Damned from his pocket)
Markers: I want to make a deal.
Crab: (Grabbing book) What’s this?
Markers: The key to your success.
(The Crab looks at Markers with confusion and Markers looks back at him with a sinister smile on his face; the camera fades to black)
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