The Haunted Shipwreck

The Haunted Shipwreck is an episode written by Golfpecks256, Chairman of Banana Studios, Inc., as an entry for the sixth round of the second season of Spin Off Kings.
===Transcript===
"The Haunted Shipwreck"
[Scene begins on Halloween morning at SpongeBob's pineapple]
SpongeBob: [tries to pretend to be a Ghost] Ooooo!
Gary: [bored] Meow.
SpongeBob: [giggles] Haha, scary equals funny, Gary, remember?!
Gary: [bored] Meow.
Patrick: Eh, psst. SpongeBob, I can do a better ghost impression than that! [waves arms in a white mattress sheet] Ooooooo! I'm the Flying Dutchman, Gary, oooooo!
Gary: [bored] Meow.
SpongeBob: [giggles] Haha, nice one Pat! Try to be a little more edgy with the arms, of course!
Patrick: [squats like a dog] When can we start getting candy, SpongeKabob?!
SpongeBob: At night, silly! [pats Patrick] Trick or treating only happens at dusk, because it's [moves fingers] SPOOOOOOOOKIER! 
Patrick: [disappointed] Aww! [looks at tummy rumbling] But Tum Tum says now!
SpongeBob: Let's go to the Krusty Krab and I'll cook ya a Krabby Patty, Pat! How's that?
Patrick: Shucks, just add a tiny bit of goose feathers and some mayonnaise, Sponge!
SpongeBob: Good thinking! Ghosts always scream when they smell or see goose feathers and mayonnaise!
[SpongeBob and Patrick start walking to the Krusty Krab. Houses are decorated in a spooky fashion]
SpongeBob: Woah! [points] Look at that house!
Patrick: [jumps in fear & sweats] AHHHH! [relieved] Oh, phew. Gee SpongeBob, they managed to decorate it so it looks like a haunted house full of bees and jellyfish!
SpongeBob: Oh Patrick! Remember that time when you got stung by jellyfish so badly, you were covered in red polka dots!
Patrick: Oh, that was cool! I was like a Super Star with those masculine spots! No other critter could survive getting mauled by jellyfish unless they're a man! [shows arms and fist] 
SpongeBob: [points] Oh look! Mr. Krabs dressed up like a whale!
Patrick: Wow, maybe to mock his daughter.
SpongeBob: [opens door and salutes] Good morning, Captain!
Mr. Krabs: [revered] It is I... the most feared and respected... the Honorable Eugene H. Pearl, member of the Cetacea family, and I love delicerous Copepods!
SpongeBob: Oh! The Chum Bucket must be on lockdown right now with the sight of this!
Mr. Krabs: That little vermin' pipsqueak wouldn't dare come one inch close or will be consumed whole by me' unmatched digestive capacity. I have four stomachs!
SpongeBob: Well, off to work I go! I'll be preparing Patrick a Krabby Party, boss man!
Mr. Krabs: [annoyed] And... how will up pay up...? 
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. K! I've got ya covered! [flicks a couple of quarters out of his pocket to Squidward's forehead]
Squidward: Ow! [smudges forehead]
Patrick: [at a table] Hey, Squidnerd is the scariest thing I could lay my eyes on. He's OLD AND UNSHAVED!
Squidward: [frowns]
Mr. Krabs: [through a megaphone] MR. SQUIDWARD! I'll have you know as part of the most respected Krusty Krab Employee Handbook, that in, [flicks pages] Section B2198, the Krusty Krab recognizes Halloween as a federal celebration and that all employees must comply!
Squidward: Morons.
Patrick: What a dweeb.
Mr. Krabs: It'll be real spooky tonight!
SpongeBob: [walking out of the kitchen] One Krabby Patty, order's up!
Patrick: GIVE ME, GIVE ME, GIVE ME!
SpongeBob: I'll give ya the patty, Pat, but not without Patty Cake first!
Together: Patty cake, patty cake, sailor man! Bake me a cake as fast as you ca-
Squidward: Oh, would you numbskulls pipe down!
Patrick: [bored] I want to go trick-or-treating, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Let's go, Pat! Let's go in about 7 hours, 13 minutes, and 59 seconds!
French narrator: 7 hours, 13 minutes, 59 seconds, 48 milliseconds, and 25 nanoseconds [catches breath] LATER!
[SpongeBob and Patrick walk out of the Krusty Krab, where a Halloween Party begins to start, to go Trick-Or-Treating in their costumes. SpongeBob is dressed up as a Krabby Patty, whereas Patrick is dressed up like a paper bag]
SpongeBob: Today'll be fun!
Patrick: Yippeee! I can't wait to gobble down jolly-ranchers faster than my arms can carry!
Plankton: [steps out of the shadows in a ghoul costume] Now, ahem, where would you two fine gentlemen be heading on this gorgeous evening? [devilishly laughs]
SpongeBob: Oh, we're out Trick-or-Treating! Want to join us?
Plankton: [points and laughs] Join you?! BWAHAHAHAHA!
[Patrick picks up Plankton]
Patrick: Oooooh! [moves tongue] Delicacy...
Plankton: What are you doing, Pink One? Wait, wait, WHA-! OH MY NEPTUNE! [Patrick moves Plankton towards his mouth] NO! HEY! LET ME GO YOU BLASTED SEA STAR!
[Patrick swallows Plankton]
SpongeBob: Aww.. I wanted to ask him if he was still scared of whales.. [giggles]
Patrick: Aw shucks, SpongeBob! Dagnabbit, he was just too tasty to give a pass!
[SpongeBob and Patrick continue walking]
SpongeBob: [looks off into the distance and squints] Hey! Is that, uh... um... SHRIMP! PAT! 
Patrick: Hm, what Sponge?
SpongeBob: Is that uh... uh... a [yells] SHIPWRECK?!
Patrick: Looks nothing short of one! Let's go check it out!
SpongeBob: Yeah! [giggles]
[SpongeBob and Patrick go towards the sunken, haunted shipwreck lying at close proximity. As they approach, ghastly music is heard, and smoggy green fog is seen]
SpongeBob: [laughs] This is funny, Pat! It almost looks like this was once inhabited by a bunch of dead pirates! [continues laughing]
Patrick: [confused] Dead, wha-?
SpongeBob: Let's explore, buddy! Maybe we can find some lost treasure in this shipwreck!
Patrick: [throws hands in the air] And then we'll be FILTHY RICH! Hey SpongeBob, what about trick-or-treating?
SpongeBob: Eh, nah, we can do that later! Nothing beats the worm like an early bird! C'mon, [gestures] let's go find us some treasure!
Patrick: [tummy rumbles] D'oh, fine!
[The large shipwreck is full of debris, and SpongeBob and Patrick climb up a bunch of broken-down stairs leading to a crooked main doorway, full of skulls to either side]
Patrick: Hm... I dunno. [smells] I smell something fishy...
SpongeBob: We're almost at the entrance! Don't be a scared pigeon, Patrick! Remember, SCARY EQUALS FUNNY!
Patrick: [continues to shiver]
[SpongeBob and Patrick continue walking up. SpongeBob knocks the door]
SpongeBob: [giggling] Knock, knock! May I come in!
[No answer, with continued ghost music]
Patrick: No one's home. Let's just leave.
SpongeBob: Of course no one's home, pal! This place is abandoned!
[SpongeBob opens the door and...]
SpongeBob: [shrieks and loses balance] GYAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Squidward: [shrieks] AHHHHHH!
[Patrick catches SpongeBob, and in the doorway, Squidward appears in that white bathrobe from "Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost" with a light coating on his skin]
Squidward: [yells] What... WHAT ARE YOU TWO DUNDERHEADS DOING HERE! You're supposed to be out trick-or-treating, remember?!
Patrick: [tummy rumbles again] Uh, woah... Squidward dressed up as a spooky, spooky, oooooo ghost! [smiles]
SpongeBob: Oh hi, Squid pal! [pats Squidward on the head twice] We didn't know you were hunting for treasure too!
Squidward: I only just got here, but let me make certain: any treasures found on this property are OFFICIALLY mine because I came here first!
Patrick: [angry] [shoves Squidward] Uh... NO! WE CAME HERE FIRST, MISTER!
Squidward: [shoves Patrick] No, pink one! Get your rotten arms and legs as far away from here as possible, before I'm gonna-
[Lightning strikes and the ghost fog continues]
Squidward: Okay, fine! How about a fair deal? If you find treasure, you both get 25% while I get the rest, but if I find it, I get the full thing. [nods] Huh, huh?
Patrick: Hmmm... [places one finger rubbing chin] Sounds a little... iffy to me, Mr. Squidward, don't ya think?
Squidward: It's the best deal out there, of course!
SpongeBob: How about this? [megaphone] BEST MAN WINS!
[SpongeBob and Patrick dash into the massive shipwreck]
Squidward: HEY!
[Squidward dashes in as well]
[SpongeBob and Patrick enter a dark valley leading into a staircase covered in spider webs]
Patrick: Hol' up, SpongeBob! THERE ARE SPIDERS THERE! MY WORST FEAR OF 'EM ALL! [gets down on his knees and starts crying]
SpongeBob: Quick Pat! Get up! Squid could catch up to us and steal, ahem.. THE TREASURE!
Squidward: [echoed] YOU DIMWITS!!
Patrick: [stops crying] WOW, this place is so mahoosive we can hear ol' man Squidward from miles away.
SpongeBob: Quick! GET UP!
[SpongeBob and Patrick run towards the staircase upstairs]
Patrick: SpongeBob! I can't do this! [closes eyes]
SpongeBob: Oh c'mon!
Patrick: I hereby order you, as the great King of Neptune, to carry me to safety!
SpongeBob: [frustrated] D'oh!
[SpongeBob carries Patrick, who's shivering with his eyes close, trembling in fear, up the staircase and then drops him on the ground]
Patrick: Hey! [feels the floor] This ground is slimy!
[Some bats cluster in the distance]
SpongeBob: It looks like a ghost might've walked here, ... [alarmed] RECENTLY!
Patrick: I don't know, SpongeBob... seems a little creepy...
SpongeBob: But look at that painting! [points to a black-and-white painting of a savage-looking wolf] Looks adorable!
[Door creeks]
Patrick: [shocked] What was that?!
SpongeBob: I don't know, Pat. I'm just as clueless as you are!
[Both SpongeBob and Patrick listen for a moment. Then...]
Patrick: [throws up Plankton] Woah, what are you doing there in my tum tum, reserved only for the most delicious treat, green sleezeball?
Plankton: Ahem, [waves arms] YOU GULPED ME ALIVE, YOU KELP-FOR-BRAINS!
Patrick: [puts Plankton in his pocket] There you go, little buddy! Nice and cozy!
Plankton: [speech muffled / blurred]
SpongeBob: Plankton?! Man, I thought you were scared of whales... speaking of which... I thought I saw one in the back-
Squidward: [shrieks in the distance] AHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHHAHAAH!
SpongeBob: [gasps] OH NO! Squidward is in trouble!
Patrick: But if we help him, then he'll get our treasure!
SpongeBob: C'mon man, he's our neighbor and best friend! Plus... he's President of the Feather Buddies! We can't let him get assassinated by some thugs.
Patrick: [takes out walkie-talkie] Roger, Mr. Square One!
[SpongeBob and Patrick dash towards the area where they hear Squidward screaming. They dash across the hall, an abandoned lobby, and a spooky corridor until they reached the edge of the shipwreck]
SpongeBob: WHAT IN THE SEA MONKEY'S UNCLE!
Patrick: Wha-...
Plankton: [rubs hands] This place ceases to amaze me.
SpongeBob: SQUIDWARD IS GETTING MAULED BY SEA DOGS!
Patrick: [swinging a lasso] AYA! Take that ya... uh... furry friends!
[The whipping of the lasso scared the dogs off... but Squidward was in tatters]
Plankton: What the barnacle happened to you?! I'd love to recruit these animals to go and maul that scumbag Krabs!!
Squidward: These dogs came out of nowhere! I wonder if we're being watched...
[Odd high-pitched laughing in the distance is heard]
Patrick: Pretty dark here, if ya ask me...
SpongeBob: [scared] Wait a second... [points] That looks like a dead skeleton crawling up BEHIND YOU PAT! LOOK OUT! [squawks] SCARY EQUALS SCARY. NOT FUNNY!!
[A skeleton with a pirate hat and sword leaps almost into Patrick, almost slicing his back in a gruesome manner]
Patrick: [yells loudly] AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
[Skeletons surround the group and zero in]
SpongeBob: YIKES!
Squidward: [covers face with hands] GET ME OUT OF HERE!
Plankton: [in Patrick's pocket] Oh, mighty, dead, and glorious souls! Please accept my allegiance to your ideals, and may we RULE THE WORLD TOGETHER?!?!
SpongeBob: Guys! Look! [points to a gap to a staircase that goes downstairs]
Patrick: Onwards, men!
[The gang rushes to the stairwell to evacuate downstairs and approach a big door sealed shut]
SpongeBob: D'oh! How do we in Neptune's sake open this bub!
[Skeletons follow them]
SpongeBob: [jumps up in fear] THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER!
Patrick: I know! [bangs door with fist and door slides open] There! [swipes palms]
[Everyone rushes]
SpongeBob: Quick, lock the door!
[Squidward locks the door behind them. They are in a big, dark, damp room. A chest full of treasure is seen in the distance, locked up but in a damp pool of water. Nothing is seen in sight]
Squidward: Oh SHRIMP! This is like from one of those classics from the 70s! But WHERE ARE WE?
SpongeBob: [positively] At the treasure of course!
Squidward: You owe me 75% of it! That was the deal, remember?!
Patrick: Psst, no we don't, oh great and noble leader.
Squidward: I GOT HERE FIRST! [grabs chest]
["FIRST" echos across the grand and spooky room]
[A door creeks again... and everyone is alert and shivers]
Patrick: Eh, peesh. It's probably just some pizza delivery guy. I was too afraid tum tum wouldn't survive this long on an empty stomach...
[A Grim Reaper surrounded by pirate skeletons, zombie pirates, and the abominable snow mollusk emerge from the shadows]
[Snow mollusk shrieks and growls]
[The sound of a slick scythe is heard]
Grim Reaper: [devilish, low voice] Prepare to sacrifice your soul in this decades old graveyard... you-
[SpongeBob and his friends notice they're standing in a pool of blood]
Grim Reaper: [scary music + emphasis] S P O N G E B O B S Q U A R E P A N T S !
SpongeBob: [screams] Holy mother of Pearl! RUN FOR IT!!!! RUN FOR IT!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! RUN FASTER THAN YOUR LEGS CAN CARRY YOU, FOR NEPTUNE'S SAKE!
[SpongeBob and his friends make a dash for it towards another exit that leads towards the deck of the shipwreck. The Grim Reaper and his dead army make a dash towards them]
Patrick: [starts crying while running] SOMEONE HELP ME! I'M DEPRIVED OF TREATS! TUM TUM IS WITHERING! HELP! HELP!
Squidward: D'oh, [screeches] SHUT YOUR MOUTH, MORON! Open your eyes! Can't you see what we're in!
[SpongeBob and the gang approach the door, but it's sealed shut]
Plankton: OH MY NEPTUNE- THEY'RE GAINING US! NEVERMIND THE ALLIANCE! BUST THIS THING OPEN NOW!!
SpongeBob: [tries to pull the door handle] I can't!
Plankton: This calls for the one and only measure! [brings out taser] F I R E ! [blasts a circular hole through the door]
[A dead skeleton from the side grabs Squidward, who's carrying the treasure chest, while the others enter]
Squidward: HELP ME!
SpongeBob: Oh no! 
[Patrick pokes out and grabs Squidward with all his might]
Patrick: UH.. I need a little reinforcement here! HELP! Don't let our doubloons and treasure succumb to these idiots!
SpongeBob: I've got ya covered! [pulls Patrick backwards]
[Squidward manages to get through and the Skeleton loses control and balance]
SpongeBob: Yes! Keep running! 
[The Grim Reaper and the rest of his troops arrive at the doorway and start chasing them up the stairs]
Plankton: Can't we go any [screams] FASTER?! THEY'RE GAINING ON US, DIPSTICK!
[SpongeBob and the gang approach the surface of the shipwreck, about 100 feet above the ground. They run across the deck]
Patrick: [into megaphone] HELP US, ALMIGHTY ONES!
[Lightning and thunder strikes]
Flying Dutchman: [bright light and yells] BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now where do you think ya'll are going with me treasure?! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Squidward: [points] Your treasure?! [laughs] THIS IS MINE! I GOT HERE FIRST!
Patrick: NO, [grabs chest] I DID YOU BUFFOON!
SpongeBob: NO YOU DIDN'T, PATRICK! You wanted to get gummy worms and trick-or-treat without treasure hunting! I DESERVE THE RICHES, AFTER IT WAS MY IDEA!
Plankton: Hand over the prize, SIMPLETON! [zaps SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward] HEHEHEHEHEHE!
Squidward: [slightly tattered] NO! [grabs chest] IT'S MINE!
Patrick: No fair! [grabs chest] IT'S MINE!
SpongeBob: NO, MINE! [grabs chest]
Plankton: HEY! [tries to grab chest back]
Flying Dutchman: [blares] SILENCE! [uses force to bring treasure chest towards him] NO ONE ESCAPES THIS HAUNTED MANSION ALIVE! [uses the force to bring Plankton towards him]
Plankton: [sweats] OH! [wails] MOMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! HELP! PUT ME DOWN!
[SpongeBob swipes the Flying Dutchman's dinner sock away from his ghost tail]
Flying Dutchman: I order you, yellow sponge, to give that back or else be executed by the Grim Reaper and his army of minions in the back! [points and grins]
Lord Poltergeist: [appearing from the shadows] Not if we have anything to do about it, Duchy! [vacuums the treasure chest into his mouth]
Flying Dutchman: If it ain't the failed piece of blarney, himself! [laughs] BWAHAHAHAHA!
Lord Poltergeist: Me and Mrs. Sandy Cheeks have signed a mutual agreement, of course.
SpongeBob: For what?
Lord Poltergeist: I get the treasure back, and SHE! ... She gets, well, uh... you lot! [snarls at Grim Reaper and blasts a fireball]
Squidward: [sighs] [smudges face] Another LOST opportunity to a bunch of rascals! Hmm! [crosses arms]
Sandy: [gestures] SpongeBob! Just jump off the shipwreck! Those ghouls behind you don't see very well outside of the darkness in the shipwreck! Quick!
SpongeBob: You heard the squirrel!
Flying Dutchman: Avast! Not-so-fast, there!
Sandy: As for this ghastly yardbird, I've got him covered! [winks]
Flying Dutchman: [confused] [laughs] You wha-?! [teases and mocks]
[SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward jump off the deck of the shipwreck onto the ground 100 feet below. Sandy starts her turbo vacuum]
Flying Dutchman: You can't do this to me! I am your ruler!
[Sandy starts sucking in the Flying Dutchman and Plankton]
Flying Dutchman: NOOOOOOO! THIS IS HIGH TREASON! I DEMAND MT SYNDICATES ATTACK THIS MENACE AT ONCE! [crickets] DRATS!
SpongeBob: They can't see well outside of pitch blackness, HA! And they're goners!
Lord Poltergeist: [waves] Good-bye, fellow Dutchman!
Flying Dutchman: [notices SpongeBob still has dining sock] SOCKEY- NO!
Plankton: WHAT IN THE SEA MONKEY'S UNCLE ARE YOU DOING, SANDY?!?! WHY ME INCLUDED, SANDY?!?! [voice faints]
[The Flying Dutchman and Plankton, held in the Flying Dutchman's grasp, are sucked into the vacuum]
SpongeBob: Thank you, the Honorable Ms. Cheeks! Let's keep those two varmints at bay! [everyone starts clapping]
Sandy: No problem-o, SpongeBob! [winks]
Patrick: Yaya! Let's all go and consume bag fulls of candy! Yippee!
[Patrick dashes off with his trick-or-treat basket, wearing his paper bag suit, into the horizon, and the episode ends there]
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