Vladimir Lenin

Vladimir Lenin was born in Russia sometime during the turbulent years of World War I. As a boy, Lenin was swept up in Russia's switch to communism, and quickly learned how to spread Marxist dogma. During World War II, Lenin learned to play guitar and fight Nazis at Stalingrad. This combination intrigued the KGB, who sent Lenin to America after the war as part of the house band for Leon Trotsky's show, The Veri-Sharp Ice Pick Company Presents: It's Communism!.
Lenin kept in the background during the run of It's Communism, awaiting the day when he could take Trotsky's place in spreading the Communist message. Sure enough, when the show's simian host J. Fred Marx killed Trotsky, it seemed that Lenin's time had come. Unfortunately, while trying to take the stage, Lenin tripped over his guitar's G-string and fell into the orchestra pit, seemingly dashing his hopes.
Despondent, Lenin moved to England where he spent time drinking warm beer and watching football with Paul McCartney. While drunk in a pub, one of them (which one is still in litigation) saw a poster advertising tryouts for a new musical group to be called The Beatles, who would appear on America's NBC. Beatles musical coordinators Don Kirshner and Neil Diamond were unimpressed by Lenin and McCartney, but since they needed to catch a plane they accepted the two into the made-for-TV band.
Lenin enjoyed great success and lots of vodka while in the Beatles, and eventually he became known as the "pimp" of the group. Living up to his name, Lenin took frequent trips to Japan and other countries in Asia, gathering up "his girls" for a "fab time" in "the States." After the first season, the FCC made Lenin play down his pimp image and arranged a forced marriage. This led to the show Who Wants to Marry a Beatle?, which was eventually won by Yoko Ono (who later became famous in her own right as music composer for the hit anime series Cowboy Bebop).
After the Beatles show ended Lenin reappeared occasionally, usually surrounded by a large group of Japanese schoolgirls. He also made a couple of TV appearances with the revived Trotsky. Unfortunately, Lenin ended hopes of a not-very-much-anticipated Beatles reunion when his neck tragically ran into a hatchet held by Anthony Michael Hall. Lenin left behind two legitimate and an unknown number of illegitimate children, none of whom have any musical talent.
Category:Featured articles