Transcripts 2003-03

Transcripts from March 2003 strips.
==March 3==
HeaderS.S.D.D presents:Panel 1Norman stands with his eyes closed and arms behind his back, looking nondescript (for Norman). A pigeon is at his feet, observing him with curiosity. There is a body of water with a ring buoy on a stand behind them, with trees and a building behind that.Panel 2Same as panel 1.Pigeon: Coo!Panel 3Same scene, but the pigeon has turned away to peck at the ground, and Norman has whipped out a golf club, getting ready to take a swing.FooterPigeon Golf
==March 7==
Panel 1Richard is angrily shaking a finger at Norman, who grins widely and holds his hands behind his back in an innocent (for Norman) pose.Richard: Right, I've been getting complaints about you playing "pigeon golf!" Stop it!Norman: Okay-doaky skip!Panel 2Richard starts to walk away but has a "*" of realisation.Panel 3Richard turns back and holds a hand to his mouth as he shouts at Norman.Richard: THAT ALSO MEANS NO TWATTING DUCKS, SQUIRRELS OR OTHER WILDLIFE WITH A FIVE IRON!Norman (off-panel): AW!
==March 10==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Al sits in front of a television set, holding up the remote and clicking it. A Dilbert toy is on top of the telly. On the wall is a window with a vaguely pyramid shape in the background, a dark curtain half-open.Caption (Al): Most of you probably don't know that I'm a bit of a petrol head when it comes to sports. If a sport doesn't make a loud "broom, broom" noise while ripping a hole in the Ozone layer, it probably won't hold my attention.Panel 2An F1 racecar on the circuit, with trees and grass blowing in the wind in the background.Caption (Al): Anyway the new Formula One season kicked off last weekend and I was keen to watch the first race with all the new rule changes (introduced to stop a certain cheating German bastard in a certain team winning all the time).Panel 3Same as panel 1, but Al has his and down and is furious, with steam radiating from his head.Caption (Al): This race was being held in Australia, so with the time difference the race started at three in the morning here in the UK. that meant I had to wait for the repeat in the afternoon...Broadcast: Now before you can change channels; David Coulthard won the grand prix!Al: GRR!Sub-caption (Al): And thanks to the news, I also know who won before I even watched it!
==March 14==
Panel 1Richard and Kingston are staring at each other in the entryway of the house, with the staircase leading upstairs in the background. Both have photorealistic (if not actually photographed) fox and hare heads, respectively.Panel 2Same as panel 1 but "Richard" is talking."Richard": When I stop hallucinating, I'm gonna really kick your arse Kingston!Panel 3This time, "Kingston" talks."Kingston": Hay, it's not MY fault that you stole one of my "secret recipe" brownies was it?
==March 17==
Panel 1Richard is sitting on the couch with Anne lying back against him, her head underneath his chin. Richard is rubbing under Anne's neck as she rubs his shoulder and makes a ♥ sound? and a "BEEP! BLEEP! BEEP!" comes from Richard's pocket.Anne (thinking): It was so sweet for him to offer to stay in with me tonight instead of going out with the boys! I didn't even have to ask him or promise sex or anything!Panel 2Close-up of Richard's and Anne's faces. Richard is answering his cellphone with an annoyed look.Richard: Hello?Anne (thinking): Umm, I'm really enjoying this! It's nice to know he values me over getting drunk!Panel 3Norman is in a pub, completely drunk, and on a landline payphone with Richard. There is an ashtray with two smoking cigarette butts in the foreground, a red mens room door and a post with stickers on it in the background.Norman: 'ello Richie baby!Norman: You know yous said yous was broke! Well da landlord found a silently out of date keg in the cellar!Norman: Da "Lamb 'n' Cannon" is now sellin' John Smith's for 10p a pint ta get rid of it quick!Panel 4Same as panel 1, but Richard is staring into nothing, shocked, and Anne has lowered her arm.Panel 5Same as panel 4, but Richard has vanished, leaving Anne hovering over a space where Richard used to be.Panel 6Anne falls back against the couch with a "WUMP!" and an afterimage.
==March 21==
Panel 1Richard is sitting at a bar, smiling into the camera and holding up a full pint glass. He is wearing a long-sleeve smiley face shirt with angry eyes and sharp teeth.Caption: 2 PintsPanel 2Same as panel 1, but Richard is turned to the side and looking tipsy. There are two empty pint glasses on the bar.Caption: 5 PintsPanel 3Richard is facing left and raising a hand in the air, shouting. His shirt is now cross-eyed with a goofy smile.Caption: 7 PintsUnknown (off-panel): Who wants the karaoke machine next?Richard: Me!Panel 4Panel text: WARNING!Alcohol seriously diminishes your ability to not make a complete tit of yourself!Another blindingly obvious and patronising government health and safely message.
==March 24==
Panel 1Richard is lying in a bed with white and pink sheets and headboard, wincing from a hangover. There is a nightstand with a lamp on it in the background.Richard (thinking): God my head hurts! How much did I drink last night? What I need now to make this hangover perfect is for Anne to yell at me, and I KNOW she will!Panel 2Richard sits up in bed, staring forward blankly. A small picture of a grassy hillside is on the wall.Panel 3Same as panel 2, but Richard is staring to his left with a look of paranoia.Richard (thinking): Well, the good thing is that Anne isn't yelling at me... That's most likely because this isn't my bedroom or my house!
==March 28==
Panel 1Richard rubs his eyes with a hand, leaning back against the headboard.Richard (thinking): Oh God! Not only was I so drunk I can't remember anything, I've probably slept with a stranger! It'll probably be a really ugly chick or a guy or something as equally cliché!Panel 2The camera rotates to view Richard from a different angle. He is now looking around the room with a feeling of déjà vu.Richard (thinking): Also, I swear that I've never been in this room before, but I've got this odd feeling I've seen it somewhere else before!Panel 3A silhouette appears in the foreground, with an angry Richard staring at her.Silhouette: Ah! You're awake.Richard (thinking): Well I was wrong! She's not a he, ugly or indeed a stranger! No, this is a hell of a lot worse!
==March 31==
Panel 1Red is standing in the bedroom doorway, looking coyly at Richard as she props herself up from the wall with one arm.Red: Hello Richard. Long time no see huh?Red: What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?Panel 2Long view of the bedroom, showing Red standing in the doorway, Richard in the bed, and a dresser with a vase on it behind Red.Richard: No! I just have nothing I want to say to you Red! Nothing at all! Except maybe...Panel 3Close-up of Red slamming her eyes shut against a strong blast of wind as she grits her teeth.Richard: WHY AM I NAKED !?
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