Phantom Limb/Transcript

This is the transcript for Phantom Limb, which aired on February 11, 2021.
==Transcript==
1 Drew? You okay? Talk to Gideon.
Oh, thank God.
What happened? You fainted.
You scared the hell out of these guys.
Oh, like you weren't scared? I was only scared that I haven't been nice enough to Gina to get her kidney in case this one doesn't make it.
I'm here for you, too.
It's just that Gideon just hasn't unhooked me yet.
Because Gideon's busy.
Just sit still for a few minutes.
Your blood pressure's pretty low.
This happened to me yesterday, too.
Oh, then you need to get to your doctor immediately.
Oh, no, I can't.
I got a lot of clients.
No.
You need to get your skinny, low-blood-pressure-having ass there now.
- Come here.
- What are you doing? You can't drive.
I'll take you.
Whoa Hey, excuse me.
Hey Put me down.
I'm not a child.
- You're lighter than one.
- Well, I skipped breakfast.
Aw, don't worry, I got you.
Hey, Drew.
Look up.
The Internet wants to see the fear in your eyes.
Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time, Mr.
and Mrs.
Eli Russell.
And I'm all achy.
And I get these cramps sometimes.
You've been in dialysis how long now? Uh, couple months.
C-Could you not suck in air like that? It's making me very anxious.
So you're also suffering from anxiety.
Only from this.
I-I just want to know why I passed out.
Other than low blood pressure, there are lots of factors.
What's your diet like? Are you getting any exercise? I bought an exercise bike.
Okay, and, uh, how often do you use it? Oh, it's still in the box, but it was quite the workout dragging it into the garage.
Uh-huh.
And, uh, have you made any changes to your diet? Drew, you are in renal failure.
You have to take that seriously.
I am.
It's all I think about.
You got to look at yourself like an athlete who's in training for his transplant.
You got to eat the right foods, you got to exercise, avoid stress.
My kidneys are failing.
I'm going through a divorce, I have a daughter who I'm not even sure likes me and a donor who might not show up to the surgery.
Show me the door that doesn't have stress behind it.
I know it's not easy.
But I'm not being harsh when I say if you don't make some major lifestyle changes, you might not make it to the transplant.
That's the not-harsh version? - Hey.
- Hey.
Hmm.
Chickpea pasta? That's not I've never even Why? Well, I just saw my doctor Oh, which one? The air sucker or the guy that goes, "Oh, boy"? Air sucker.
Yeah, he thought I should be on a healthy kidney diet.
What does that mean? Well, no dairy, no red meat, no salt, no potatoes, no sugar.
I call it the "stay away from everything that tastes good diet.
" Well, at least we can still eat my favorite vegetable, caramel corn.
No, actually, that's the junk food pile.
I'm throwing all that away.
Oh.
Okay, cool.
Well, I'll just keep this and this and this and all of this.
Yeah, you know what? Just because I'm doing this doesn't mean you have to.
Have at it.
Hey, we're in this together.
You eat healthy, I eat healthy.
Thank you.
Right after this.
So, how serious is this? Well, the doctor says I might not even make it to the surgery if I don't start eating better and exercising.
You mean, like, make it make it? Oh, okay, we are not gonna talk about that.
I did not give up ecstasy to watch you die.
Much appreciated.
Oh, and I can be your personal trainer.
Are you a personal trainer? Uh, how hard can it be? Yeah! That's all you got?! Come on, give me more! Just do it! Boom! That'll be a hundred bucks.
I remember now why I never had a personal trainer.
Hey, uh, maybe you can help me unpack the exercise bike.
No problem.
But you still owe me a hundred bucks.
Dad! In the kitchen.
So, how'd it go? You win? Kicked their butts.
Yes.
That's my girl.
Way to go, Mads.
You step on some feet when the ref wasn't looking? Yeah, thanks for the tip.
Sorry I keep missing these games, kiddo.
That's okay.
I understand.
But you know what I won't miss? What? You going to nationals.
You can come? But it's in Ohio.
Well, I'll just find a dialysis place in Columbus.
That's great.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Hey, look Proud Girl Dad.
Hashtag.
Oh, my God.
- I'll talk to him.
- Thank you.
"Hashtag" goes on the end, right? Is that true You can go to any city and get dialysis? I have no idea.
I was just lying to my daughter to make her feel better.
You are such a good dad.
Oh, God.
How long's it been? Three minutes.
What? Okay, what's my target time? 30 minutes.
No, no, that can't be right.
You're weak, Dunbar! Suck it up, buttercup! That's my personal training voice.
- Oh, can you check that for me? - Yeah.
Uh, it says "Columbus dialysis center.
" Ooh, I've been waiting for them.
Hang on.
Wh Oh.
My left foot's stu stuck in the back.
Okay, I'll get it.
- No, do not - Uh, yes.
Drew Dunbar speaking.
Hey, just put it on speaker.
That's literally why they invented speaker.
Yes, I need to be in Columbus on Tuesday, so you need to find me time for a dialysis treatment, and I am not a morning person.
- Gina, give me the - I don't care.
Bounce one of your old, weak patients who aren't gonna make it anyway.
Oh, please, you know which ones are gonna kick the bucket.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
Give me the phone.
That's right.
Drew Dunbar.
Make it happen.
Okay? Great.
You've got my digits.
You got me in? No, not even close.
I got it.
Hey.
Oh.
I thought you were the UPS guy.
You sound disappointed.
No, just, my wine-of-the-month club's out for delivery.
- Not that I tracked it.
- Or ran to the door.
Okay, well, they don't leave it if you don't sign for it, so Come in.
Oh, um, by the way, I didn't tell her anything.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, you.
Hey.
What are you doing here? Well, I got you a little something.
An iPad? What for? To congratulate you.
Why? My-my grades suck.
Yes, they do.
But this is because you made it to Nationals.
Awesome! Thank you.
My first endorsement.
Yes.
Uh also, I-I can't make it to the game.
Really? Yeah.
I called every dialysis place within three hours of Columbus.
Oh.
I'm sorry, Maddie.
That sucks, but I get it.
Hey, look, maybe, uh, maybe your mom can record the game and I can watch it afterwards.
Yeah.
Absolutely, sweetie.
I'd be happy to do that.
Also, I only tracked it because it's rosÃ© month.
Can I get a hug? You're not gonna cry, are you? Oh, come on.
Me? Oh, boy.
Keep it together, Dunbar.
Yes! Well, Mama needs her happy juice.
Hey, you're up late.
Oh, and don't worry if my breath smells like whiskey.
I wasn't drinking, I took an UberPool home and made out with a drunk guy.
Cool story.
Hey, Cannoli.
We're wearing matching coats.
Okay, I need my spot.
Um, what are you doing? Didn't the doctor say that stuff would kill you? Hasn't yet.
What is the matter with you? I know you're upset about Maddie's game, but you got to take this seriously.
Stick to the plan.
Mm.
Right now, the plan is to finish this bag of caramel corn and then blow up Grubhub.
What about diet, exercise and living right? I'm really not in the mood for a lecture.
Really? 'Cause all you do is lecture me about taking care of your precious kidney.
Gina, you gave up partying.
I can't pee, I can't sleep, I spend 15 hours a week in dialysis.
And now a bag of caramel corn is gonna kill me.
Well, tonight, let's risk it, huh? Would you stop it? You really think all I gave up was partying? Oh, sorry.
Also vaping.
Oh, you are such a selfish jerk.
How am I being selfish? I am giving up precious moments with my family that I will never get back.
Join the club! My sister doesn't even talk to me anymore - because of you.
- What? She's been ghosting me ever since I told her that I'm giving you my kidney.
Okay? But you don't know that, because it's always the Drew Show around here.
Well, maybe that's because Drew is the one that's dying.
You need to stop using death to win an argument.
And I quit as your fake trainer.
All done.
Take a look Mm.
Oh, well, hello, 70.
What's the occasion, anyway? I'm FaceTiming with an old friend.
I'm his rebound every time he outlives a wife.
Honey, give me my purse, I want to tip you, and don't say no.
I haven't said no since I was 17.
Hello.
How did you get past the desk? There's no one at the desk.
Oh, shoot.
That's me.
You got a lot of guts showing your face here.
Hello to you, too.
Don't ask, she's not here.
Okay.
What the hell did you say to her? We had a little disagreement - as to who's sacrificing more.
- She is.
No, I mean, when it comes to the kidney.
- She is.
- What No, my daughter has a soccer game Yeah, she is.
We can do this all day.
Listen, I know your kidney's crapping out on you, but you don't have a choice.
Gina signed up for this out of the goodness of her heart.
This girl is special.
I know.
Well, do you know where she's at? She's at her friend Paul's.
Oh, that skeezy guy? If by "skeezy," you mean "super hot," yes.
No, I mean "skeezy.
" Look, do you-do you happen to have the address? You know what Gina would like even better than an apology? Sending her and her bestie on a trip to Turks and Caicos.
Oh, Gina and I would love that.
I meant Gina and me.
Oh, well, we'll see who she takes.
I'd drop it if I were you.
She can do this all day.
Paulie, you down there? Go away, Ma! I got company.
There's a guy wants to see you.
Hey, I'm looking for Gina.
Tell him I'm not here.
Gina says she's not here.
I-I'm-I'm just looking to talk.
And, uh, your mom wanted you to put a load of colors in.
It never ends.
Gina? Are you high? I'm high and drunk.
Come on, are you kidding me? Yeah, well, I'm doing great.
I'm smoking pot and drinking with a 35-year-old who lives in his mom's basement.
Hey, I'm 33.
Uh look, it doesn't matter, I I came over here to say that I know you're going through a lot for me.
And I was a real jerk not to acknowledge it.
You were.
But this isn't about you.
All right.
What's going on? I called my sister today.
Guessing it didn't go well? She's a malevolent shrew.
Thanks, sweetie.
Instead of talking it out, she went through her usual list of everything that's wrong with me I'm self-destructive, I make rash decisions, I never take responsibility for anything.
Well, that's not entirely untrue.
Yeah, I know! You and I get in an argument what do I do? I come here.
That was rash.
Then what do I do? I party.
That was self-destructive.
Then I sleep with Paul.
Well, that was amazing.
- Thanks, babe.
- No, thank you.
But then she said the only reason that I'm giving my kidney to a stranger is to give my empty life some meaning.
Whoa, she said that? Gina, I'm sorry.
Look that is not true.
- And you should know that - Wait.
I can see your lips moving, but I cannot hear you talking.
Uh Why don't we table this for later? Stop.
I am too high to ride my motorcycle.
I need you to take me home.
Unless we are already home.
In which case, thanks.
Sure, uh, come on.
- Paul, I'm gonna go.
- Cool.
- Bye, Paul.
- Bye, Paul.
Bye, Gina.
Bye, Gina's Dad.
You awake? Hey, it's Carla, leave a message.
Carla.
Hello.
My name is Drew Dunbar.
I'm the guy that your sister is giving her kidney to.
I hear that you're not too happy about that.
And I just want to say that it is totally normal to be suspicious of this little arrangement.
Um, but you should know that Gina's actions are a lot more thought out than you think.
In fact you should be proud of her.
She's saving my life.
Because of her I'm gonna be able to watch my daughter Hey, it's Carla, leave a message.
walk down the aisle.
And, yes, Gina can be impulsive, but that's because she leads with her heart.
And maybe if you started accepting her instead of judging her and shaming her, you would realize that she's a frigging angel.
In fact, you should be thanking God every day for having her in your life, because this stupid little world would be a whole lot better if there were a lot more people like her and a lot less Hey, it's Carla, leave a message.
malevolent shrews like you! - Good morning.
- Hey.
Do you want a kale and broccoli smoothie? It's got yeast probiotic.
That's not I've never even Why? Trying to be healthy.
Give me a break.
So, uh guess who called me.
My sister.
Oh, that's interesting.
You two patch things up? Oh, no.
She said my crazy kidney guy left her a snarky-ass message about how great I am that really got under her skin.
I've never heard her so pissed off.
I was trying to bring you closer together, but I think I got a little carried away.
Are you kidding? It was awesome.
Drew Dunbar, you are my hero.
Well well, I don't know about hero.
Maybe "knight in shining armor.
" I wouldn't say no to "messiah.
" I'm just really grateful.
I've never had someone fight for me.
Hey, I'm glad.
And sorry, again, about the other night.
I was in a dark place and I took it out on you.
I'm sorry, too.
I should have talked to you instead of going out and partying with Paul.
Let's just say we both had a cheat day.
Ooh, hey, I got you a hangover cure.
Bacon, egg and cheese? Oh, my God, thank you.
Mmm.
Hey, um, if you do feel like your decision to give me your kidney is coming from an unhealthy place, I want you to know you don't have to do it.
Are you kidding? My sister is wrong.
About what? I'm not making a reckless decision.
I am giving my kidney to exactly who it's supposed to go to.
Thank you.
Oh, boy.
Keep it together, Dunbar.
Category:Episode Transcripts
Category:Season 1 Transcripts