Forbidden Vender

== BEGIN PROFILE: ==
This anomalous machine, codenamed FORBIDDEN VENDER, was found in a
 Detroit alley. It bears no markings indicating origin, or beverages 
vended.''
Machine accepts coins equaling twenty five cents, 
or numismatic materials roughly similar in size. Buttons dispense 
consistent beverages of the same type in seemingly limitless 
proportions, rotating on a weekly basis.''
Machine has been 
under observation during occasions of rotation. No known supplier has 
been seen during these period, or indeed any action towards the machine.
 Attempts to examine the machine’s construction lead to [REDACTED], 
thusly such examinations have been suspended for the time being.''
We
 have compiled a list of sample sodas found in the machine, addendums 
given where necessary, possible elaboration on others to follow:''
* Original Recipe Coca-Cola [Contained traces of cocaine in proportions determined to be identical to the original formula0
* Un-Diet TAB Cola 
* Pepsi Ultraviolet/Infrared
* Four Loko: Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster-Type
* 'V9, V10 and V11 Vegetable Drinks'
* Riddle Drink 
* Black Blood Of The Earth
* Black Hole Bomber Brew
* Red Queen/White Queen//Black Queen
* Mulligan
 Stew [Filled with a mixture of discontinued or flawed name-brand soda 
syrups. Production company information appears to .]''
* 'Kronen-Kola [In Mutagen and BioCyberHaptic “Flavors”. Subjects 
reported pleasing flavor, various levels of pleasing and displeasing 
monsterism]''''
* Golden
 Apple; Black Lotus; Gingo; Immortality Peach; Fern Flower; Rasknovic; 
and Flavored Fruit Soda [Properties akin to component materials. No brand listed on label, corporation producing
 only identified as “Waxmare LTD”]''
* Bananadrine Dream 
[Banana flavored with hallucinogenic properties, address of factory 
leads only to hippie commune burned down in 1971]''
* Yggdrasil Root Beer [Available in nine flavors, more research pending]
* MyKolaUltra [Contains LSD alongside unknown hallucinogenic contaminants. Contaminants similar in properties to [REDACTED]]
* Miss
 Neutronic Bomb [Incredibly radioactive, no recorded cases of cancer 
resulting thereof. Similar effects to Kronen Kola across longer 
timeframe alledged but currently univestigated]''
* GatorPower-Ade
 [Legally able to be labeled as such due to unique properties. Under 
investigation for reverse-engineering by Doctor [REDACTED] for the 
purposes of [REDACTED]]''
* DRINKING
 MEET [Contains a substance similar to the infamous Pink Slime, but 
carbonated and at a more liquid viscocity. Made of 50% assorted human 
tissues, 16% assorted keratins, 25% California condor vitreous jelly, 
and 12% unable-to-analyze. Has memetic effects causing compulsion 
towards carnophagy and possible parasitoidism by [REDACTED] Very likely 
linked to the organization known as [REDACTED]. Recently found in 
non-anomalous mechanisms. God help us all.]''
* Aqua Vitae [Contains only a paper 
with cryptic; handwritten instructions, remarked upon by historians to 
be unmistakably similar to those produced by the Comte De St Germain]''
== Author Commentary ==
This started as essentially a much earlier post based on a completely different dark vending machine post, reworked as a G.U.F.F. thing and also expanded upon with its own photomanipulation. 
And it was based on the joke "Dark Vending Machine, Show Me The Forbidden Sodas," a meme template I have always adored. Take that as you will.
As per usual with G.U.F.F. stuff, this is free to use as you see fit under a CC-BY 4.0 license so long as I; Thomas F. Johnson, am credited as their creator!
And, if you wanna support me, maybe check out my Patreon, which I previewed this design on ages ago, or even just send a Ko-Fi my way! Every penny is appreciated, and I am eternally grateful for those who donate!
Category:G.U.F.F. Entries