Jordan Galdale/3.0

Jordan Galdale is a character role-played by sput.
__TOC__ 
==Description==
Jordan Galdale, preferably referred to as Dark Suckaberg, Dark, or just Suckaberg, is a civil servant who works for Los Santos’ Poop Factory. When not on the clock, he dons his iconic Juggalo makeup to take the town by storm, usually accompanied by Fingle Dan and the Dan Clan. However, when he’s not being Fingle’s emotional support Juggalo for the day he is often found biking around Los Santos calling random numbers from the yellow pages. This often ensues new hijinks, enemies, and friends due to his unnatural ability to continually talk everybody's ears off. 
A self proclaimed “pass-a-fist” Suckaberg had originally refused Fingle’s criminal antics in his early days, aiming to keep a clean record. This, however, did not stop him from getting into fights (especially if the target of his ire continually referred to him as Zuckaberg to which he always responds that “there is no Z in Suckaberg"), as he proclaims the statement is a joke on fist fighting.
==Events==
=== Major Arcs ===
Major character arcs are life altering events that had both major character change and repercussions for Suckaberg and more often than not still play a part in his ideologies.
Wobbegong
Summary
Nothing stays legal for long when you have Fingle Dan as an adopted father and Suckaberg learns this real quick upon being used as a part of Fingle's newest criminal venture: Meth - specifically of the Wobbegong variety. Suckaberg became the dumpster diver of Fingle's operation being the "man on the ground" selling, dealing, and even partaking in the product. However, while the money may be good, illicit activity always attracts the attention of the law.
Detailed Events
To be written.
B-Anon and the Powder Burgers
Summary
It all started when Suckaberg was hired on as a new employee of Burger Shot. It was then and there he learned the horrible truth that lay beneath the bun of Burger Shot burgers - they simply weren't real meat but instead heavily seasoned baking soda. Upset with this revelation Suckaberg aimed to inform Los Santos of the slight Burger Shot had been committing for so long. However, soon he would learn the hard way that Burger Shot had its own methods to deal with disturbances. Fearing retribution from those loyal to Shelly and Burger Shot, Suckaberg knew he had to find a new way to bring the truth to light. So rose the incognito conspiracy theorist B-Anon (often mispronounced Banon) to spread the word of what Burger Shot was hiding beneath the buns of their so-called burgers.
Detailed Events
In the early December snow, Suckaberg was hired in to become an employee of Burger Shot by none other than Scruffy. Despite what should have been a happy moment of finding employment beyond the Poop Factory in the big city, it quickly turned sour upon his realization of what sort of ingredients he's been eating this whole time. 
Word quickly spread within Burger Shot that Suckaberg had been complaining about what he had dubbed as powder burgers. In an effort to reason with him before Shelly became involved, Suckaberg's coworkers tried their best to explain why their burgers were made in such a way to no avail. Suckaberg continued down his path to expose these powder burgers to the world.
Nearly a week later and still sick of his complaints and with the looming threat of Shelly becoming involved, his coworkers switched to a more hands-on method of trying to silence Suckaberg. This involved force-feeding him Burger Shot burgers, threats of termination from the managers, and conveying a final threat of public execution from the top of the chain herself. While to them it seemed Suckaberg was more compliant than he was previously in reality it had the opposite effect. Suckaberg was now becoming more secretive and learning to be less vocal about his issues with the burgers around other Burger Shot employees (despite this he still brought it up around Reginald who in turn instantly twatted it out to the public).
 
Due to having to become more secretive about his issues with Burger Shot Suckaberg needed a new way to get the information out to the public, but could not think of a new method that would also not have his name attached to the information. That was until his adoptive father figure, Fingle Dan, jokingly referred to Suckaberg as being a part of B-Anon while in the middle of commissioning his biography. It was as if a whole new world opened up in front of Suckaberg's eyes at that moment. Quickly side barring with Fingle shortly after, Suckaberg made up his mind to become B-Anon thanks to his suggestion.
In the following days, Suckaberg locked himself away to begin his transformation into B-Anon, plotting and planning his methods and motives. And when the new year came, he brought B-Anon into the world. Starting small, Suckaberg as B-Anon paired with a journalist from LSBN trying to cover the scoop began to place notes all around Los Santos' dumpsters, mailboxes, and various gloveboxes. While some notes went unnoticed, some gained the attention of multiple people including Suckaberg's own coworkers. Hoping to keep the notes on the down-low for the time being he quickly made sure to get the notes back from these employees feigning ignorance. However, he didn't manage to stop all of them from getting to Burger Shot management.
Expecting a normal workday, or at least as normal as one could expect working for Burger Shot, Suckaberg showed up the next day without a worry in his mind thinking he pulled off the first notes perfectly. After heckling a customer in the parking lot Suckaberg was pulled aside by Hubcap into management custody. Not understanding what the meeting was about, Suckaberg convinced himself into thinking it was a promotion for the work he's been putting in, but with a honk of Scruffy's clown nose gavel, it seemed that it was not the case. Surrounded by the upper echelons of Burger Shot management and Fingle, Suckaberg was accused of writing incriminating notes about Burger Shot as "Banon". Despite denying all accounts, Fingle standing in as his "lawyer" agreed to a plea deal devised by Burger shot management. And in the back alley of Burger Shot Suckaberg was coerced to read the note out loud in a filmed confession to act as evidence for Burger Shot that these notes were a threat and a manifesto created by Suckaberg. To help seal the deal of this blackmail they demanded Suckaberg to execute his uncle, VDMingle live on camera after the note was read. And in the quiet of the after-hours a gunshot rang out and a Dan was dead with his AirPods strewn upon the ground.
Without nearly enough time to comprehend what he had done in the moment, Suckaberg was surrounded by his fellow coworkers trying to convince him that he liked what he had just done, that he savored the feeling of the execution. But before he could completely break down in front of them, Fingle pulled him aside to leave the scene of the crime. It took nearly half an hour before the dreaded call from Pillbox came on Fingle's phone. It was a somber car ride with the constant sound of Suckaberg crying, Scruffy consoling him, and Fingle telling him to shut up, but they somehow made it.
Riv escorted the group back into recovery where VDMingle's body was covered in a cloth to give them time to pay their respects to their fallen family member. While many of the people surrounding the dead Dan didn't show too much care beyond somber stares, Suckaberg in turn actively bawled repeating the phrase "I'm so sorry… I'm so so sorry," over and over again to anyone who came near (to which both Fingle and Scruffy denied his apology claiming he found pride in the kill). When Suckaberg calmed down to a sniffle, he noticed a small note laying on the ground underneath the bed, believing it to have come from his uncle's pockets he picked it up and read it. On the note VDMingle had written, "I love my nephew Suckaberg." This caused another wave of grief to wash over the juggalo, bawling so hard it turned into visceral howls that echoed across the empty halls of Pillbox as the last send-off for VDMingle Dan.
Knowing no better way to get over grief, Suckaberg did the only thing he could: spend every last dollar in his bank account. He started with buying his very first car, a minivan which VDMingle would have loved (to crash) if he were still alive. However, the minivan only made a small dent in Suckaberg's saved-up fortune so equipped with his adoptive father, brother, uncle, and Gladys they made their way to the casino to have Suckaberg deal with his depression through a round of relaxing family therapy and gambling. Alas, gambling and therapy with the Dan Clan around never ends well. Suckaberg ended up losing the rest of his money leaving him with only a dollar to his name, which was shortly stolen from him by his uncle. At least out of this family trip he found out that another uncle, Dingle, was given the gun that he used to kill VDMingle with and had taken the fall for the murder according to police records. 
The records were almost challenged though, as on their way to Burger Shot to pick up some food Kermingle decided to make the side door the newest Burger Shot drive-thru which resulted in another uncle's possible death and a round of snitching on Scruffy for being the one to shoot him. Scruffy knowing full well what Suckaberg had done the day before began to chastise the fellow clown telling him that since he snitched the blackmail would be given to the police. Before Scruffy could get his one-up on Suckaberg, he went to the responding officer at the scene to expose that Burger Shot was trying to silence him and handed her his handwritten B-Anon note before running off to join back up with Fingle on his way to Pillbox to check up on Kermingle's condition.
While Fingle was the only one allowed into ICU to check on Kermingle, that didn't mean emotions weren't getting heated outside of Pillbox. Scruffy had joined the caravan in an effort to escape responding officers and in turn spat in the face and makeup of Suckaberg seeing his actions as yet another betrayal. In a moment of rage, Suckaberg turned tail and called the Gru to his Minion, Yaeger, for aid in his revenge plot. Finding profit with the situation, Yaeger agrees to help and tells Suckaberg to wait for his next call for a special supply drop. With tensions high when Fingle returned, Suckaberg decided to extend an olive branch one last time to Scruffy, to which Scruffy conceded and once again agreed to be bros. Now feeling guilty over snitching to Crystal earlier, Suckaberg called her back up and revoked the information he gave her going so far as to cover for Scruffy and placing blame upon himself for Kermingle's wound.
With the heated tensions between the members in the car dealt with, the gang got a tip about a sale of Uranium, meanwhile, Suckaberg got a more personal tip-off from Yaeger: the grenade was ready. While the gang ran to get the money out to buy the Uranium, Suckaberg ran off to dumpster dive for his newest explosive plan without the rest of the gang noticing. Having made amends with Scruffy for the time being, Suckaberg decided to reserve his use of the grenade for Shelly.
The following day with his grenade safely stored, Suckaberg went out and ramped up his plans by getting back in contact with the journalist agreeing to conduct an in-person interview as B-Anon to expose the machinations behind Burger Shot. Sitting down in the LSBN offices, the interview was conducted, however, without anybody else's knowledge Dillon Dubbs had sent a text message to Scruffy informing him of Suckaberg's attempt to slander Burger Shot. And in the middle of Suckaberg explaining how Burger Shot made him kill his uncle a familiar clown appeared to confront him. The shock of the confrontation made the interviewer, Mr. Otterman, faint leaving the crew and the interviewees with a moment to recollect themselves. While the crew focused on reviewing the material they had gathered, Suckaberg and Scruffy took an aside in the adjacent room and had a heart-to-heart. During this conversation, Suckaberg revealed his plan to use the grenade on Shelly in an act of revenge. Scruffy tried to reason with him, telling him to blame Shelly's bosses or other management members as he didn't want to fight another clown. Before the two of them could agree to anything, Mr. Otterman woke back up and the interview continued.
The interview finished with no other notable or terrifying things being revealed, and Suckaberg returned back to Burger Shot with Scruffy, both tight-lipped over what had just happened in the LSBN newsroom. But despite the usual grind of working at an underpaid fast food joint, Suckaberg's mind continued to wander off, and eventually, his body joined it. Knowing full well that if he went with his plan he wouldn't have a job anymore, he set off to try and find a new one starting with Burger Shot's own original rivals: Rooster's Rest. Due to his past working for Burger Shot, Rooster's employment manager was wary and dismissive of his application, but since another person was applying at the same time and that Suckaberg had Lando's recommendation they decided to do a standup interview, in which Suckaberg continuously roasted his opponent's friend's relationship. Despite a spectacular performance, Rooster ended up refusing his application. However, Lando decided to step in and hire Suckaberg to the Guild Hall provided he helped Lando out with some backend possibly illegal problems. 
With the interview completed, a new job lined up, and Suckaberg's plan now revealed to those close to him, the day only spoken in whispers came to fruition. But before the big show could begin, fearing some retaliation or betrayal from Scruffy, Suckaberg contacted one of his most trusted confidants, Delver Lee who he considers his recently adopted son, and met up with him at Dean World where Delver gave Suckaberg a gift of various crystals and revealed to Suckaberg the existence of the Roy Boyz. Suckaberg deciding he wanted to be a good father, unlike that of Fingle Dan, and realizing that this may be a good place to lay low if he took his plan to the next level, took a tour of the Roy Boyz's apartment and surrounding Roy Boyz plaza on Roy Lowenstein Blvd. After the tour, realizing what a golden opportunity was given to him, it was then that Suckaberg pulled out the big puppy dog eyes of a young single juggalo father and pleaded to his adopted son to have access to the apartment to lay low. Delver, while apprehensive of the proposition eventually caves and agrees, so in return, Suckaberg decides to gift Delver with a makeover and an initiation into the juggalo lifestyle. While helping his son pick out his makeup, Suckaberg also calls up Scruffy to see where he's currently standing on the Burger Shot issue at hand. Expecting the worst in which Scruffy had betrayed him, he was pleasantly surprised to hear the other clown admit that Suckaberg was correct that Shelly wasn't what she seemed.
Scruffy had revealed to Suckaberg that a small group of Burger Shot employees had witnessed a Rooster's Rest employee assassinate one of their workers at Burger Shot, only to have Shelly brush off the encounter which lead those that witnessed the event to rethink Shelly's mysterious contract she had signed with Rooster's Rest. With these feelings betrayed, Scruffy believed Suckaberg's plan would come in handy and agreed to help him follow through with the explosive event, however, he would need some time to get ready and he would call Suckaberg back when he could fully discuss everything. Now having learned that Shelly was involved with Rooster's Rest, Suckaberg feared his new job at the Guild Hall may be at risk if he were to anger the other restaurant's proprietors so he called up Lando at once to make sure he was safe. After confirming that he would not lose his job, in fact, Lando almost seemed pleased with the fact Suckaberg was going to bomb Shelly, Suckaberg and Delver took to the streets to relax their nerves before the big event, starting with a hearty meal from Rooster's and a good father-son bonding time while Delver was getting used to the makeup. Father and son bonding time continued even when Scruffy finally called back, ready to meet up. Under the guise of work friends meeting up for a day out visiting each other's houses, and even getting a sneak peek at Chihuahua Hotdogs' newest establishment, Suckaberg and Scruffy took a sidebar during the Roy Boyz house tour to converse about what's to come and who in Burger Shot they could trust. Feeling safe with their situation, Suckaberg requests that Scruffy gives him Shelly's number so he could set up a meeting with the excuse of coming forward and apologizing about the LSBN interview he did the day before. At this point in time, Delver is more aware of what is about to unfold and asks Suckaberg if he would like him to be his getaway driver. Apprehensive about roping his son into what will ultimately be terrorism, but knowing he will need an extract if he were to be successful, Suckaberg doesn't agree right away until an olive branch and good luck charm from Delver was extended: A custom voodoo doll depicting Delver. Feeling touched by his adopted son's trust in him, he too resolved that he needed to have trust in Delver as well. 
With the doll in his grasp and Delver as his right-hand man, the duo went off to prep before the meeting, including choosing Delver's motorcycle as the getaway vehicle, disguising Delver, and getting insider information. And get some disastrous insider information they did, according to Scruffy who had called Suckaberg up once again Shelly had changed the recipe for the burgers to have three scoops of seasoning instead of two, and to have two scoops of leavening instead of three. Feeling confident to one-up Shelly one last time with this information, Suckaberg called her back up to set up the meeting at none other than Burger Shot. Before walking into the lion's den and facing his enemies, Suckaberg wrote a final note if things were to go wrong. Stuffing it deep in his pockets, he told Delver he would be out in a few before taking a deep breath to calm his nerves and walking in to face his enemy.
alt=|center|377x377px|The final note.
Expecting only to be facing Shelly, Suckaberg was surprised and frankly worried to also see Bob Moss with Shelly at Burger Shot as well. Trying his best not to lead Shelly to discover the plan at hand, he tried to hint to Bob that he should not get involved with the meeting, unfortunately, Bob would still join them in Shelly's office. Keeping up the pretenses of the meeting, Suckaberg offered to explain to Bob what he had done the day before to make sure he was also on the same page including making sure they knew that he knew that the recipe had just been changed earlier in order to discredit him. Shelly, realizing she may have a mole in the restaurant quickly changed the tune of the conversation, claiming she couldn't even trust Suckaberg since he once again got the recipe wrong. She abruptly took Suckaberg out of the office and over to the assembly station where it's revealed that the burger's recipe was in fact four seasonings and only one leavening. Feeling betrayed and under the belief that she had just changed the recipe to mess with him, he brought them back to the office to talk about it only to act as if he was breaking down about the gaslighting, making them pity him one last time before turning the meeting violent. Finally standing his ground against the upper echelons of Burger Shot, Suckaberg pulled out the gift Yaegar had given him earlier and turned in his two-weeks-notice with an exclamation of "Banana" and a live grenade. Running out he hopped onto Delver's motorcycle for a perfectly clean getaway.
While escaping the scene of the crime, Suckaberg called up Scruffy to inform him that the deed was done, Scruffy, in turn, wanted to meet up with Suckaberg after he was done with his own mission and requested him to lay low until he could call Suckaberg back and they could meet. Suckaberg while waiting for Scruffy to call, ditched his final note in a bush and ended up laying low with Delver back at the apartment where he ended up meeting another Roy Boy, Double Money who welcomed him in. Before getting to know him too well though, Scruffy called back ready to meet on the top of the Pacific Standard Bank. So equipped with the two Roy Boyz, Suckaberg washed his makeup off and went to meet with the other group of Burger Shot rebels, but the Roy Boyz could only take him so far and they had to part ways before the meeting to recap what had happened could begin. In the meeting, Suckaberg informs the other rebellious members of Burger Shot what had happened to him, while also being looped into what antics the rest of the crew had gotten into while he was bombing Shelly and Bob. Feeling that his brain and abilities weren't needed for the rest of the night as the warfare began to become psychological, he quickly said his goodbyes to everyone and ran off to lay low at the Roy Boyz apartment.
===Minor Arcs===
Minor character arcs are smaller moments that are important to Suckaberg's character but often times only have minor repercussions or none at all. Often times these smaller moments are building blocks to some of the major arcs.
Therapy
To be written.
The Iron Hogs
To be written.
==Quotes==
*"word."
*"CHYEZZIR!"
*"YA FIMME?"
*"DARK SUCKABEEEEEERRRG"
*"Pacifist but not afraid to Pass-a-Fist"
*"Suckaberg dyoooown..."
*"I'm a public swervant, I work at the poop factory and shit."
*"Banana."
==Trivia ==
*Suckaberg's hair smells awful.
*Suckaberg was born and raised on Strawberry Ave, Los Santos and would often shop at a locally owned store run by a John.
*Suckaberg owns a revealing grey sweater.
*Suckaberg got his name from a Names For Your Juggalo Baby article.
*Suckaberg never skips the moisturizing portion of his makeup routine. He has supple skin.
*Suckaberg used to go to college for a degree is Astrology, but upon getting his PHD he ended up being radicalized into the clown lifestyle by Fingle Dan.
*Suckaberg was too young to fight in the Clown Wars against the Mimes.
==Gallery==
<tabber>
|-|In-game=
Suckabergblackoutfit.png|Suckaberg's Everyday Threads
Poopfactoryoutfit.png|Suckaberg's Poop Factory Outfit
SuckaHelmet.PNG|Suckaberg's biking helmet
Reunion fingle sucka.png|Suckaberg reuniting with an old friend.
PeachSucka.PNG|Suckaberg and Peachingle hanging out
Suckaberg vs McCingle.png|Suckaberg being held at gunpoint by McCingle Dan for his antics. 
ForceFedPowder.PNG|Suckaberg being force fed powder by Burger Shot employees.
RoyBoyzSucka.PNG|Suckaberg hanging out with Delver and Double Money at the Roy Boyz HQ
|-|Fan Art=
Corn.Bong Profile.jpg|Suckaberg Profile by discord user Corn.Bong#0399
Corn.Bong Chop.jpg|Chopping Cars art by discord user Corn.Bong#0399
Corn.Bong Banana.jpg|Fanart of the Burger Shot Grenade by discord user Corn.Bong#0399
Corn.Bong StealDog.jpg|Fan art by discord user Corn.Bong#0399
Corn.Bong ShellySneak.jpg|Hiding from Shelly art by discord user Corn.Bong#0399
Corn.Bong Torture.jpg|B-Anon reaps what he sows art by discord user Corn.Bong#0399
Corn.Bong Chatter.jpg|Suckaberg meeting Chatterbox art by discord user Corn.Bong#0399
Corn.Bong MassiveArt.png|Art by discord user Corn.Bong#0399
Corn.Bong PhoneJam.gif|Art by discord user Corn.Bong#0399
Corn.Bong Tireflat.png|Art by discord user Corn.Bong#0399
Corn.Bong TheSnowman.jpg|"That snowman's looking at me weird, man." art by discord user Corn.Bong#0399
Corn.Bong Inflation.jpg|Suckaberg wants to be inflated like a hot air balloon art by discord user Corn.Bong#0399
Corn.Bong Drugs.gif| Suckaberg on drugs art by discord user Corn.Bong#0399
Sucka 4t.png|Fan Art of Four Tee and Suckaberg done by Windort
BingBong SuckaStand.png|Art by BingBong
BingBong SuckaLost.png|Suckaberg loves Lost. Art by BingBong
BingBong SuckaHard.png|He's the hardest of the bunch. Art by BingBong
Sucka_talking.png|Fan Art of the yellow page bit done by TyrianCallows
95theses.png|Fan Art of B-Anon in the style of Martin Luther's 95 Theses by TyrianCallows
TyrianBigOlEyes.png|Big puppy dog eyes of a young single juggalo father art by TyrianCallows
|-|Fan Edits=
BingBong SuckaCreationEdit.png|Suckaberg and Delver edit of The Creation of Adam by BingBong
BingBong FingleSuckaClassic01.png|Suckaberg and Fingle edit of Saturn Devouring His Son by BingBong
BingBong ISP.png|Insane Clown Posse Logo edit for Suckaberg by BingBong
BingBong BAnonWeb.png|The Burger Shot conspiracy web by BingBong
BingBong BAnonStamp.png|B-Anon Stamp by BingBong
BingBong BSBurn.png|B-Anon overlooks his handiwork by BingBong
BingBong IThrewItBook.png|A mock up book cover by BingBong
BingBong SuckaBanana.png|Album cover edit by BingBong
BingBong_Sucka3D.png|Non-Album edit version by BingBong
BingBong BananaStand.png|"Banana" Stand by BingBong
BingBong SuckaNuke.png|The next step by BingBong
TyrianSuckaMoon.png|He was on the moon, no big deal edit by TyrianCallows
</tabber>