Transcripts 2002-11

Transcripts from November 2002 strips.
==November 1==
Panel 1Gates sneers evilly into the camera. Behind him, the Oracle has an exasperated expression.Gates: Well if there's nothing to worry about we can get on with what we were doing before can't we!Oracle: *sigh* Must we? This is such a waste of valuable time and resources!Panel 2The captain of the Inglorious (Jack Heart?) looks up at an overhead monitor, connecting to Gates.Gates (transmission): Oh be quiet! This is something you CAN'T talk me out of! Is everything ready captain?Captain: Yes Advisor! All systems check out and we have a green light for the operation! We only need to wait now!Gates (transmission): Gravy!Panel 3Constable Simons lifts up a hatch and peeks into a slot in a door, a huge grin on his face. A "[KEEP] CRIME DOWN" sign is on the back wall.Caption: Later that day...Simons: Gov' said ta let ya out at midnight and it's pass dat!Simons: You learns your lesson den?Panel 4Norman glares through the slot at Simons.Norman: What lesson is that?Gates: That you nazi fuckers will happily lock me up for doing nothing, using these new bullshit anti-terrorism laws?
==November 4==
Panel 1Norman is holding and glaring at a wristwatch, the band draping over his hand. Simons is tapping a notepad on the desk but is otherwise unconcerned. A clock on the back wall indicates 12:05. A potted plant is on top of one of the two filing cabinets in the background.Norman: 'Ere, Simons! Is that clock fast? My watch says it's only five to twelve!Simons: Meh! Probably! It never tells da right bloody time! Still, I dun't think you's be blowing anythin' up in da next five minutes so sign for ya stuff 'n we can piss off 'ome!Panel 2Simons leads Norman down a hallway. The doorway to the prior room is visible in the background. A fluorescent light is on the ceiling.Norman: Hold on, are we the only ones here? I can't hear anyone else in the station!Simons: Yeah, I'll lock up da place as soon as you go!Simons: Cost cuttin' see? Worthing take over da area at nights now!Panel 3Silhouettes of Simons and Norman walking out of the Sussex police station. Fireworks are going off in the background.Norman: But Worthing's miles away! What do you do about, this arse-hole letting off fireworks at midnight?Simons: Dat's simple! I ignores it and waits for someones to beat 'im senseless!
==November 8==
Panel 1Norman glares at his wristwatch, now on his wrist, while Simons walks beside him. There is a brick wall behind them, and silhouetted houses and trees behind the wall.Norman (thinking): Damn! It's only seconds before Guy Fawkes is over! I've no hope of blowing something cool up now! I COULD do it tomorrow, but what's the point? It won't be bonfire-night!Panel 2Norman glares at the ground, the police station behind him and Simons's shoulder just in the panel.Norman (thinking): I'll get these fuckers back for locking me up for a fortnight! I don't care how or when but I WILL! ...Panel 3Silhouette of Norman and Simons as a "CRACK!" of laser light slams down upon the station behind them, lighting up all the windows and rocking the foundation.Panel 4Everything goes bright white as Norman and Simons (whose eyes are finally visible after his hat goes flying off) fall away from the "kaboom!" of a blast.
==November 11==
Panels 1-3The Inglorious is visible above the Earth, slowly fading away in panel 2 and vanished in panel 3.Gates (off-panel): Hehe! I TOLD them I'd get them back! It might have taken awahile, but I got them!Oracle (off-panel): You wasted a lance round to destroy an empty building! Orbital weapons are extremely costly to produce! However I find the lack of concern for your earlier self somewhat distressing!Gates (off-panel): Pha! I'll live! If I remember correctly I only got a few cuts and bruises! Same goes for the pig! I remember the little shit arresting me again! Nothing stuck though, as they couldn't prove a thing! Being locked in a cell for two weeks is SUCH a good alibi! Bit ironic really, as it WAS me after all!Oracle (off-panel): Couldn't you at LEAST have waited for yourself to get clear of the blast?Gates (off-panel): I HAD to do it then! It's was seconds to mid-night and...Oracle (off-panel): Yes, yes... the Guy Fawkes tradition you have! *sigh* Are we done here?Gates (off-panel): I guess so! What's next old man?Oracle (off-panel): Well we have to right the US mid-term elections so Bush has full control of the government. We need only to move forward a few days!Gates (off-panel): You know it amazes me that nobody guesses that Bush is an android!Oracle (off-panel): People see what they want to see. Tell anyone in this time period that the Bush family are really robots from the future and they would lock you up in a mad house!Gates (off-panel): I still find it hard to believe that even the most stupid of people will swallow what robo-moron says!Oracle (off-panel): If you lie to people long enough they will believe anything you tell them... except maybe the truth! People are weak like that!Gates (off-panel): Meh! Whatever! Captain, get us out of here!Captain (off-panel): Yes Advisor!
==November 15==
Panel 1Richard and Kingston are sitting on the couch in front of the television, holding beer cans and looking at each other.Kingston: Um, Richard...could you do me a big favour and tell me what I've been doing for... say... the last six months?Panel 2Close-up of Richard, facing away but still looking in Kingston's direction.Richard: You've sat on my sofa, watching my TV and drinking MY damn lager! Kingston you really should see someone about these memory black-outs you have!Panel 3Same as panel 1 but zoomed in to where the telly is no longer visible, Richard has turned to face Kingston again, and Kingston looks off into the distance.Kingston: I did! The doctor said it was probably 'cause of the amount of chemicals in my bloodstream that could keep the whole of China comatose for a week!
==November 18==
Panel 1Anne is sitting on the couch with straight posture as the phone gives a RING! RING!Panel 2Anne picks up the receiver with a bemused look on her face.Anne: Hello?Telemarketer (phone): Hello! May I speak with the homeowner in relation to changing their gas supplier?Panel 3Silhouette of Anne against a yellow-to-red/orange radial gradient background.Anne: He's here, but he can't talk for the moment!Telemarketer (phone): Are you sure? I can save him money on each bill if he signs up with us!Panel 4Anne leans back slightly, closing her eyes and smiling as a hand reaches up her back.Anne: Oh I'm pretty sure he can't talk right now, seeing I'm the one sitting on his face!Telemarketer (phone): ... I'll ring back at a more appropriate time!Richard (off-panel): MMPH!
==November 22==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Al is sitting at a computer desk, staring at the CRT monitor in confusion (indicated with ?) at the "CLICKITY! CLACKITY! CLICKITY! CLAK!" sounds coming from it. A matching white tower, keyboard, and mouse are also on the desk. A bookshelf containing assorted items is in the background.Caption (Al): I signed up for ADSL see, but to share the bill I've had to buy a router/modem combo to split the connection with my bother, and not wait for my ISP to supply the standard USB kit. I wasn't due to be connected until the 29th, but I hooked up the modem anyway and set it up. At first the modem couldn't see anything as expected but I left it on anyway. However a few hours later...Panel 2Close-up of Al on the phone, grinning, against an orange-to-yellow gradient background resembling a sunset.Caption (Al): After a lot of clicking, the modem's ADSL light stayed on! I was connected over a week and a half early! I rang the ISP to check, and the nice lady said that BT (the UK's big tel-co) connects ADSL lines whenever they feel like it! Also as my ISP wasn't getting charge yet, neither was I!Panel 3Al is staring at his monitor with a hand over his mouth in deep thought.Caption (Al): So I have over a week of free broadband!Caption (Al): What to use it on? ...Panel 4Screenshot of KaZaA Search view.Search window: Search for: porno●All ○Title ○ArtistSearch results:
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==November 25==
Panel 1Richard answers the phone, facing right, while leaning back on the couch.Richard: Hello?Telemarketer (phone): Um, yes, good afternoon. I rang last week about changing your gas supplier... Er, are you the homeowner?Richard: Yeah.Panel 2The camera rotates slightly so Richard is now facing to the left.Telemarketer (phone): Well okay, did you know that... um, Is your partner around? I spoke with her last time?...Richard: Yeah, but she has her mouth full at the moment!Telemarketer (phone): ...Telemarketer (phone): You know what? Forget it! *click*Panel 3Richard shrugs at Anne, who is sitting on the other end of the couch and holding a box of sausages(?) in one hand, a fork with half a sausage on it in the other hand.Anne: MUMMPH?
==November 29==
Single PanelRichard is wearing a gas mask and holding a hose that has a drop of water hanging from it. Norman has on a welding mask and apron and is pulling on a pair of heavy duty gloves. Kingston has on a hard hat and darkened safety glasses and is holding a fire extinguisher. Anne is shrieking angrily at them.Richard: Oh this? Well when you announced that you were going to try baking a Christmas cake again, and with the firemen on strike this year...Anne: FUCK YOU!
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