Transcript:Horrid Henry's Diary

Miss Battle-Axe: So, aliens took your homework, Henry?
Horrid Henry: Yes, Miss! Honest.
Miss Battle-Axe: Why don't you tell us what really happened to your homework, Henry?
Horrid Henry: Okay. It was eaten by the cat!
(Whole class laughs hysterically that Ralph falls down on his chair)
Miss Battle-Axe: Silence, everyone! Your next assignment is to write a diary!
Horrid Henry: A diary?
Miss Battle-Axe: Yes, a diary! For one whole day!
Horrid Henry: One whole day?
Miss Battle-Axe: Yes! Is there an echo in here? And we're all looking forward to hearing you read yours out, Henry!
Horrid Henry: Read it out? To everyone? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
(Title card appears)
(Back at home, Henry sits at his desk complaining about homework)
Horrid Henry: Why can't homework be playing computer games or watching TV? (Fluffy scratches the desk leg) Stop that, Fluffy! (Fang growls at Fluffy) I mean it, Fluffy, you're upsetting Fang! (Fluffy continues scratching) Scram, flee bag!
(Fluffy meows and runs off)
Mum: Don't be horrid, Henry!
Horrid Henry: But...
Mum: And get on with your homework. Otherwise!
Horrid Henry: Otherwise, they'll unplug the TV and say no more crisps, and I'll be banned from the computer for a month with no pocket money... (sighs) It's just not fair! And I got to show everyone just how not fair my life really is! (writes a diary, flashback begins about how not fair his life really is with alarm sounding)
Horrid Henry: 7:30 in the morning: the alarm goes off. I ignore it. 8:03: Dad does his rise and shine routine.
Dad: Rise and shine, Henry! Time for school!
Horrid Henry: I ignore him. No way I'm going to school. 8:04: Mum comes in and yells at me.
Mum: Come on, Henry! For the last time, will you please get up? You're going to make us all late and this time it really will be your fault! You always do this, Henry! It's just not fair on everyone else!
Horrid Henry: I hide under the duvet and pretend it's a bad dream.
Mum: (takes Henry's blanket) Get up, Henry! Now!
Horrid Henry: (falls on the blanket) 8:11: Peter comes in and says I'll be late for school if I don't get up.
Perfect Peter: (sings) You'll be late for school if you don't get up!
(Henry growls and turns into a snake, making Peter run away)
Dad: Don't be horrid, Henry!
Horrid Henry: Making children get up at the crack of dawn to go to school is horrid!
Mum: Get dressed, now!
Horrid Henry: I get dressed super quick. I have a ready healthy breakfast. (pours cereal into the bowl plus some milk on top of it) Mum yells at me for wearing yesterday's clothes.
Mum: Look at the state of you, Henry!
Horrid Henry: Dad yells at me for not pulling my chair closer to the table.
Dad: Why can't you be like Peter, Henry?
Horrid Henry: (continues eating, ignoring Dad) But I can't help being me. 8:48: I look for my school bag. (Mum comes in) 8:49: I find my school bag. And my P.E. kit. 8:50: We leave the house to walk to school. Dad asked me if I brushed my teeth.
Dad: Have you brushed your teeth, Henry?
Horrid Henry: I said yes. (brushes teeth while Dad and Peter are waiting)
Dad: Hurry up, Henry! We're going to be late!
(Dad, Peter and Henry rush to school)
Horrid Henry: 9:05: We arrive at school.
(Peter and Henry get in the school, then Dad closes the door)
Horrid Henry: 9:15: School starts.
Miss Battle-Axe: Good morning, everyone.
Horrid Henry: This bit's really boring, so we can skip it.
Miss Battle-Axe: Now, today...
(time skips until it reaches the time when the class does chemistry)
Horrid Henry: Hold on a minute. Chemistry can be fun.
(time continues to skip)
Miss Battle-Axe: Now, remember, (Henry mixes the liquids) don't mix the two liquids together.
Moody Margaret: What did you say, Miss Battle-Axe?
Miss Battle-Axe: I said... (potion exploded)
Horrid Henry: Oops!
Miss Battle-Axe: Horrid boy!
Horrid Henry: Music's not so bad. (plays tuba while Margaret and Susan scream) And sometimes, Miss Oddbod invites me into her office. (talking gibberish, then Miss Oddbod opens the office door) Practically a perfect day. I'll be surprised if I don't get a mention in this good-as-gold book. But the best bit of school when it ends. YIPEE! 4:00: Time for Rapper Zapper. But Peter says:
Perfect Peter: It's my turn! I want to watch Daffy and her Dancing Daisies!
Horrid Henry: So, I say, 'No, smelly nappy baby.' Then, Peter complains just like a smelly nappy baby.
Perfect Peter: Mum!
(Fluffy meows)
Horrid Henry: And then I get sent to my room for being horrid to Peter.
Mum: Go to your room, now!
Horrid Henry: But it's not so bad being sent to your room until tea-time. When I finish my tea, I ask Mum for more chips.
Mum: Not until all your vegetables have disappeared, Henry.
Perfect Peter: I always make all my vegetables disappear.
Horrid Henry: Now, don't get me wrong. I eat loads of vegetables. Like, potato crisps and tomato ketchup and more crisps. There's just some vegetables I don't like, but I'm good at making them disappear.
(Henry makes Peter look back while giving him carrots. He gets shocked, then Henry puts his broccoli under the drawer. He then squashes the rest of it to make it look like he's eaten all of it)
Perfect Peter: Mum, Henry's vegetables have disappeared.
(Mum greets Henry for making his vegetables disappear, so she gives him more chips)
Horrid Henry: Chips are vegetables too, you know. After tea, it's bath time. Just me, yellow duck, snappy croc and Peter... (Peter takes off his shirt) Dad says:
Dad: Too much water is being wasted in this house. From now on, you're sharing.
Horrid Henry: But I don't like sitting in the tap end.
Perfect Peter: It's too hot!
Dad: New house rule! Whoever sits at the tap end gets to decide the temperature.
(Peter and Henry together) It's my turn to sit at the tap end! No, it's not, it's my turn!
(Mum and Dad hear Henry and Peter, but Dad notices drops on his tea. Then, the water area gets bigger and drops fall on Mum and Dad's tea)
Mum: Oh, no!
Dad: Oh, no!
Horrid Henry: Dad decides that sharing isn't such a good idea, after all. (listens to very loud music on the Killer Boy Rats) Mum said my bedtime is at 8:00. But no one goes to bed at 8. Except for goody-goodies like Perfect Peter. Ralph doesn't even have a bedtime!
(Mum comes in and turns off the music, making Henry stop dancing)
Mum: Get ready for bed, Henry.
Horrid Henry: So, I do. I hold the record for the world's slowest tooth-brushing. (Mum sighs, then gets ready for bed) I tell Dad I'm hungry.
Dad: The kitchen is closed.
Horrid Henry: And I'm thirsty.
Dad: (sighs) All right, I'll get you a glass of water.
(Dad leaves, while Mum comes in)
Mum: Night-night, Henry. (turns light off and leaves)
Horrid Henry: When I'm king, kids will be able to stay up for as long as they like. But until then, I'll have to improvise. (reads his book as he inserts the CD player)
Dad: (takes the blanket and sees Henry) Henry!
(Mum and Dad sigh and rest on the sofa)
Horrid Henry: Mum! It's too light!
Mum: (sighs) Coming! (turns off the light and goes back to rest on the sofa)
Horrid Henry: Mum! It's too dark!
Mum: Oh!
Horrid Henry: Dad, I can't find Mr Kill! I think I left him in the kitchen!
Dad: (yawns) I'll go and look for him!
Horrid Henry: So, I wait. And wait. And wait. (sighs then gets out of bed) Do I have to do everything myself? (sees Dad and Mum sleeping on the sofa with Mr Kill) Typical! I completely bother to turn me in. (yells at Mum and Dad) I'M READY FOR BED NOW!!!!! (flashback ends, then Henry completes his diary) Finished! At last! Let's see what old Battle-Axe thinks of that! (throws diary and Fluffy growls) Fluffy? No! (Fluffy shreds Henry's diary, meowing furiously as she does, leaving just parts of the pages flying around) (yells) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
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