All 23.2 - Hostage Situation

It was pouring rain, but it didn’t matter. Lighting and thunder pierced the midnight skies, but it made no difference. What could possibly matter, to a being that couldn’t get ill, and needn’t eat, sleep or breathe? That never tired in mind or body, never lost focus, never faltered? Oh, certainly, there were downsides. The loss of human experience, that was certainly something. There was no doubt at all that he was not human, not currently mortal, and that was disappointing. Staying mortal while breaking the barriers of mediocrity was always the goal; undeath was cheating. A bit reprehensible, but the awful thing about most undead was their lack of will: macabre puppets, nothing more. And frankly, having been freed of the collar finally, Dr. Malcolm Cohen could attest that he now had a fair bit more free will in this magical husk than he’d had in his own body for some time. Oh, and the hunger, he supposed. Paltry. An addiction, like so many others he had cultivated and purged from his own body for little more than the sake of recreation and experience. This one wouldn’t be curable, obviously, but maintaining it wasn’t hard at all. He had borrowed one of the innkeeper’s goats as a test, and found that it controlled the symptoms rather well; a reasonable methadone for what he assumed was the taste of human blood. He might try that later; perhaps ask the boy Lucca. He’d always been agreeable, if not supportive, towards him; hopefully the extraplanar nature of his blood wasn’t disagreeable to whatever necromantic magics kept this corpse shuffling about. His mind cheerfully lept about the prospect of designing a synthetic substitute; not for any particular reason, mind you: he fully expected to regain his body, and until he did, most clever alchemy was out of his range, but the challenge was interesting nonetheless. It would have to supply negative energy, certainly, but what about the blood was actually needed? A chemical component? A biological one? Was it the actual living components in the blood, or was it the act of draining from a living creature? How do you trick an animate corpse into thinking it’s drinking live blood? An interesting question, and seeing as how he’d lacked any interesting questions since the untimely and utter destruction of his life’s work at the hands of the zombie’s heinous wife, and considering that there was little point in worrying about actual progress on any real goals until he either had his body restored or, worst case, knew that this was his mind’s permanent residence from now on, it was worth his now vastly-expanded time. As he pondered, he wandered about in the wilds outside the tiny cluster of buildings that comprised the inn where the others slept. Rain had soaked him through, but he didn’t feel cold or uncomfortable; if anything, he felt terribly warm before the rain began, which was odd. He had also noticed that, if he stopped moving, water would actively begin freezing on his skin; there was more to this vampire than regular undeath. So he strolled about chipperly, occasionally spinning or moving about widely to prevent his clothes or body from stiffening under a layer of ice. He considered shifting into a bird, just because he could without having to make preparations and count the minutes until the spell wore out, but he wasn’t too thrilled about the prospect of getting struck by lightning, and that was provided that he could even take flight in this downpour. He wished that they were in a city, instead of the empty countryside; there were so many better things to be doing on a night without sleep. Regardless, enjoying the variety of different sensations, or lack thereof, his current body possessed, Cohen meandered the night away.
----
“Well, you had the night to consider. Do you have a reply?” Cohen asked. It was morning, and the rain had broken, leaving the countryside soaked. He had changed so that he was no longer wet, but the clothes from his wardrobe were strange and ill-fitting on the taller and much more muscular body he currently possessed. Ryuji looked like he hadn’t slept well, and somehow managed to seem significantly more angry and sullen than Cohen ever had in his own body. He stared at him with the hate and fury of someone who was cornered, clenching and unclenching his hand that wore the pair of rings he had demanded from Cohen the night before. “I know I’m never going to convince you otherwise,” Cohen stated calmly, “but I don’t want this to prevent either of us from saving the world. We are both weakened like this. I want this dispute settled, so that we can both bring all of our resources to bear on the All. Without having to suffer under mind control.”
“Stop trying to act like you’re reasonable,” Ryuji practically spat. “You stole my body. You are a wretched, damnable excuse for a man, and you don’t deserve to be negotiated with.”
Cohen sighed and rolled his eyes, “I understand that. I will agree with that. I don’t care; think what you will.”
“This is why you got the enchantment to begin with.”
“And yet, I’m only doing this because of the damned thing, so here we are.” Ryuji just glared at this. “I understand that this is low. I know that this is wrong, and I don’t enjoy it, as much as you’re probably telling yourself otherwise. If nothing else, will you agree that I know this is doing nothing for my terrible reputation within the group? Nobody likes this...feud, if you will, nobody wants to be reminded of it, and nobody will stand for both of us being made useless. These people are not exactly forgiving of those who hinder progress. I am doing nothing to improve my standing, and it was not a grand spot to begin with. I am not liked, I am not trusted, with or without your wife’s filthy enchantment, and my role seems to be mostly comprised of being ignored until my skills become necessary or convenient. I accept that, because I understand that working with this group is the most expeditious and probable way of defeating the All. If this is dragged out, they will not tolerate us, either of us, because they will target whomever they see as being recalcitrant and shun them as obstacles. Dallying is beneficial to neither of us, so I ask you again what your response is.”
Ryuji glared at him for a long time before finally muttering, “This isn’t my decision. It’s Caitlyn’s. I can’t take it off either way.”
“Then we will take it to her, then?”
“You haven’t left me much choice,” Ryuji spat.
“Then we will need Webber to teleport us. There is still a teleporting circle in the mine, so this shouldn’t take much time. Then we can return to the All...or this Firehawk, who seems to be no great boon to the countryside either.”
“What am I supposed to tell her?” Ryuji demanded. “What am I supposed to do, walk up to her looking like you? I can’t even talk to her over the rings; my voice sounds like yours, and the last thing she would ever want is to hear your disembodied voice again.”
Cohen folded his arms, “I don’t know. I can’t make any more shifting spells without my full range of alchemy; perhaps Webber can. I would offer to pretend to be you, but unless we are going to play that charade through to the end and you think you can do a reasonable impression of me, there’s no point. If she found out, I’m sure your wife would murder us both for the deceit.”
“Don’t talk about her!” Ryuji nearly yelled. “You don’t know her. Do you have any idea how badly you hurt her?”
“What do you both think I did to her? I did next to nothing! You have more right to her anger than she does; at least I tried to kill you!” Cohen asked, his own temper beginning to flare. “I will admit that what I did was not good. It was not right. But it was in self-defense, I was not cruel, and I was more than merciful. That thing is enslavement!” he pointed at the collar. “It is nothing more than enslavement, and it is the worst kind! What I did is not worth this punishment! Nothing is! No crime is worth stealing a man’s free will!”
“I think it is, if you expect to be allowed around innocent people. It makes you safe,” Ryuji countered venomously. “It makes you decent.”
“It does neither!!” Cohen retorted. “Safe?! Are you safe? You, with your sparkling morals and shining ethical alignment; are you safe? Tell me, in that mountain village, how many people did you kill? How many sick people infected with lycanthropy did you cut down? Because according to the others, you and the other three killed quite a few. Being good doesn’t make you safe; you killed innocent people! Further, you hunger for blood! I am in your body; I can feel the addiction clawing at my brain already, and I drank 8 hours ago. Tell me, would you kindly submit to being bound and leashed, so that you could not move without permission? It would keep you safe, because who knows when you might snap and kill someone with your hunger? Better that you be kept locked up, until you’re needed, then run that risk.” Cohen leaned forward, rife with anger. “What you’ve done to me is worse than even that. You have meddled with my mind. My will. That is everything a man is, and I will not hear you, an undead trying so desperately to be human, deny that. Make medecent? You have taken away my ability to make choices! You will say that you’ve prevented me from being ‘evil’, but I claim you’ve taken my ability to be ‘good’ as well. I can’t choose! My decisions aren’t mine; they are forced by that object. I am a slave, a puppet, a dog. I can be neither good nor evil, because those distinctions are reserved for things that can choose their actions.” He stood straight again, “Your wife’s punishment is beyond cruel and unusual. I have endured it for nearly half a year now. I have committed crimes, but I have paid for them. I’ve lost a decade of my life to jail. I’ve lost my dignity, my reputation, my property, my freedom. I will never be able to live in Mirilarin again. I’ve lost my work, the thing I paid so highly for, and in doing so lost another two decades of study and sacrifice. Stealing your body was a terrible act, I will not deny it. But existing without my will is killing me. This was my one chance to try and reclaim it, because your wife will never, ever, remove it without something pushing her to. We both know that.”
Ryuji’s expression was dark, and he asked, voice low, “...Who did you drink from?”
Cohen rolled his eyes, frustrated. “I used one of the innkeeper’s goats. I didn’t kill it, it will be fine.”
“So you stole then?”
“Ugh, what do you want me to do? Buy the goat and leave its bloodless corpse around? Knock out a traveler? I’m no hunter, I’m not finding anything in the wild, and I’m not expecting anyone’s particular mercy after I pulled this stunt. I’ll leave some extra money; the goat will have a few days of illness before recovering, the innkeeper can buy a whole herd of new goats, and no one will know a vampire passed through.” Ryuji glared at him, unconvinced. Cohen sighed, “Nothing I do will ever be acceptable in your eyes. Fine. It doesn’t matter. I will tell Webber to prepare to teleport us; it will take him six hours to make a circle at best, and we will see your wife this afternoon. Then this will be settled.”
“Fine,” Ryuji spat before turning away from the other man. Cohen turned and walked away without any further words, heading out to find their arcanist.
----
Pierce spent the morning making a temporary teleport circle, as he had in the Vilkas Mountains. When he finished, he used his gem to teleport the pair to Naiza Dawan, then took them personally to the city where Caitlyn now lived. Informing them that he’d be back to pick them up at this time at this spot tomorrow, he left, returning to the mine so that he could rejoin the group and take them to Inversheil, where they could better prepare for fighting the Firehawk, and he could check in.
Cohen used the ring of shared sound to call Caitlyn, so as to not distress her with the doctor’s voice; he told her to come to a particular fountain park, as there was a problem that needed to be addressed. When she arrived, she saw her husband and her nemisis, standing by the fountain. They hurriedly explained Gemini, the trial, the fact that they had none of their magical skills, and Cohen’s ultimatum. Taken off-guard, Caitlyn ordered both of them to get out and go away, unable to calmly process the fact that her husband had fallen prey to wretched fey nonsense again. They left quickly, leaving Caitlyn alone with her thoughts.
----
Calling Bastion to meet her, Caitlyn discussed what she had just learned. The pair had become good friends over their months in this foriegn country, and she offered her opinions. While she firmly believed that Cohen was not the sort of man who should be in the possession of an immortal vampire body, she also did not consider removing the collar to be a good idea: he had just proven the sort of things he’d do if unrestrained. Considering what she had heard, she did not believe he was the kind of man who should be allowed to be around innocent people unchecked, and certainly not Caitlyn’s husband, who he undoubtedly held a grudge against.
When they had finished their discussion, Caitlyn called Ryuji on the rings; she made him swear that he was actually her husband, and told him to meet her and Bastion as soon as possible. He was told that he had better look like himself.
After buying a Hat of Disguise in short order, seeing as he figured that at worst, Victor could use it later, Ryuji rushed to meet his wife. Between Bastion’s magic and a grueling series of questions from Caitlyn, he managed to prove his identity to the womens’ satisfaction. He reiterated the situation, and was asked for his opinion: he said that he had had the collar made for Caitlyn, for her safety and peace of mind, and so wouldn’t force her to do anything. However, he did explain that he wanted his own body back: he had sworn to protect everyone from the vampiric curse, and letting Cohen have it would be tantamount to violating that oath; he was next to powerless in the doctor’s body, and keeping it would mean that he would be almost utterly unable to help fight the All, and; no matter how much transformative magic was used, they would both always know whose body he was in, and that would obviously haunt their relationship. Agreeing, Caitlyn told him to leave, and to meet her at the same fountain as before in an hour, and to bring the doctor.
----
When the two men returned, Caitlyn was there, without Bastion. She stood uncomfortably by the stone fountain, looking upset; her demeanour did not change when she saw the pair. They approached her, looking expectant. After looking them over, she crossed her arms and said firmly, “I’ve thought about it. Ryuji wants his body back, so you will give it to him. But we have all just seen what sort of person you are, and the kind of things you do if you aren’t kept in check. So I will take the collar off, and when I do, you will leave, and go somewhere far away where none of us, me, my husband, or anyone else we know, will ever see or hear of you again. Ever.”
Cohen blinked at this in shock before retorting, “I only did this because it was the only way to get your attention! I know this is wrong, and I wouldn’t have done it if I thought I had another chance to have it removed! That thing is inhuman! I can’t live like this, with that thing controlling my thoughts and actions! It warps my mind; I had to do this, because otherwise it would never be taken off!”
Caitlyn was unmoved, “The moment you had a chance to hurt us, you took it. You would take it again in the future. I won’t give you one. I’ll take it off, and you will get out and never, ever, hurt us again. I don’t want to even hear your name once more for the rest of my life. You come near any of us, my family or anyone I know, and we will kill you,” she said, causing the paladin to blink, but not deny her claim.
“How can you be so petty?” Cohen demanded. “The world is going to be destroyed! I’m aware you already wanted nothing to do with that either, but to exile me is to prevent me from helping repel the All! I am helping, you can’t deny that,” he said, looking between the two, “You can’t possibly be so short-sighted as to put your hate for me over the safety of the planet!”
She looked at him coldly for a minute, as he returned her stare with frustration. Eventually, she said calmly, “...If the world is that important to you, then it shouldn’t be a problem to work with the collar on.”
“What?!”
“If you actually cared about saving people, then it shouldn’t be an issue to do that with the collar on. If you want to keep working near my husband, you will keep it on,” she stated. “Otherwise, get out.”
Cohen flustered, arguing with her for nearly half an hour. She was resolute, and would not budge on her offer. Ryuji played the part of the observer, saying nothing, keeping his expression flat. Eventually, Cohen just stared at her cold demeanour, at a loss. After a long silence, his gaze dropped, and his posture slumped. Looking vaguely at the ground, he said, “...I won’t be permitted to stay with the group with this body; it’s not useful, and since I was given an ‘offer’, I will be labelled the one at fault. To keep my freedom, I will have to abandon the goal to save civilization, with or without my body.” He stood silently for another few minutes, looking at the ground. When he next spoke, it was a whisper, not directed at anyone in particular. “Everything I do, is for mankind. I never studied to profit myself. People were hurt in the process, but that’s how nature works. Individuals sometimes suffer for the good of the many. To run now, to benefit myself over the many, devalues everything I have ever done. I will not do that. I will not risk the loss of Materia because I refused to do what I could. So I suppose I will suffer for the good of the many.” He took a small scalpel from his sleeve, and deftly made a small incision in the nape of his neck, without looking. When he took his hands down, he had retrieved a small, teardrop shaped earring, covered in thick, partially-frozen blood. Without even lifting his gaze, he held it out towards Ryuji. “Take it,” he said. “Take it, and know that I’m a better person than your wife.” Caitlyn was unmoved by any of this; Ryuji had a queer sort of expression. Holding out his hand, he took the earring; Cohen flipped his hand around, waiting to be handed its pair. Slowly and with some wariness, Ryuji took the small piece of jewelry from his pocket and placed it in Cohen’s hand. He kept his hand outstretched. “Give me your rings.”
“What?” Ryuji’s reply had a tint of outrage.
“You’ll have your body back in a minute. Give me your rings so you have them when you have your body.” Both Komatsus looked at him mistrustfully, but Ryuji eventually pulled off his pair of rings, the shared sound ring and his wedding ring, and put them in Cohen’s hand as well. With that, the doctor reached up and put the earring in; Ryuji did the same. Both men blinked and swerved a little, appearing faint; as they composed themselves, they noticed that they were both still wearing earrings. Apparently, they were the items they had passed the trial for.
As Cohen rubbed his temples, banishing the last of the faintness, he turned and began to walk away. Ryuji looked up, watched him turn to leave, and said, “Wait.” The doctor stopped, but did not turn to look back. “Caitlyn...you should take the collar off.”
She blinked in shock. “What?”
Ryuji looked at the doctor’s back once more before turning to Caitlyn, his expression partway between confidence and uncertainty. “He chose to do that. He chose...to do the right thing, without being forced. He could have left. He could have kept my body, and been immortal, and relearned his alchemy and done whatever he wanted. He could have taken his body and left, and been done with us. But he chose to keep doing the right thing, even with the collar. And if he chose to do that, then maybe he’s learned something. The punishment worked, and he’s a better person, even if he’s still not good.” He glanced over again, “Only god can mete out eternal punishment. It’s only our place to right wrongs, and do what we can to make the world better. If he is better, than to keep punishing him is tyranny, and I’m...not comfortable with that.”
Caitlyn’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “...Prove that you’re really Ryuji.” She began to ask him questions, questions that only Ryuji should know the answer to. As he continued answering correctly, she approached him slowly, asking more personal questions, her voice dropping lower and lower into a whisper, until eventually she was right up against him. When he had answered to her satisfaction, she hugged him tightly. “...Do you really think that?” she asked.
“If he thinks it’s such a punishment, then that’s what it is. If it’s made his behaviour better, then it worked. If the punishment worked, then it shouldn’t be continued, because it’s not our place to punish someone forever, only until they’ve paid,” he said quietly to her.
She leaned into him for a long moment. Eventually, she said, “...If you really think so, then, when this is over, and you’re back, and neither of us ever have to see him again, then I’ll take it off.” At this, Ryuji nodded.
With that, he turned back to look at Cohen, who hadn’t moved throughout all of this. Ryuji declared, “If you continue to conduct yourself admirably, then when the All are defeated, then we’ll remove it.”
Cohen didn’t move; he replied slowly, enunciating each word pointedly, “Talk’s cheap, Mr. Komatsu.” With that, he walked away.
----
Pierce appeared where he said he would be at the appointed time. Both Ryuji and Cohen had appeared at precisely the correct moment, mainly so they wouldn't have to stand near each other. Ryuji had spent the night and morning with his family, and had said goodbye only moments before, sparing them the need to interact with Cohen further; his happiness at having had the time to see them was apparent. Conversely, the doctor appeared sullen, drawn and tired, as though he hadn’t slept, and was somewhere between anger and depression. Pierce looked between the two, noticing the collar. “...Did you settle everything?” he asked.
“Oh yes,” Cohen said dryly. “Everything is quite settled.” His look was distant and unhappy as he added, “There is nothing left to discuss.”
“You...don’t look very well,” Pierce ventured.
“Don’t you just love cities?” Cohen replied, voice oozing sarcastic mock sweetness. “I can just buy drugs, I don’t have to make everything myself.”
“That’s...that can’t be healthy.”
“I think I’m the most qualified person to judge my own health, thank you,” he replied. He continued with a sarcastic sweetness, “Besides, I can’t knowingly take a lethal dose of anything, and I honestly and completely believe that I can overcome any sort of addiction, so there’s nothing wrong with it,” he stressed the word pointedly. “Now, hurry up. We’re done here; let’s go. I need to get the correct sedative before my body poetically shifts to match my position in life.”
“What?”
“Dogs, Webber. It’s the full moon, keep up.”
“I…” he shook his head, “Well, if you’re done then…” With that, Pierce teleported them both away.
----
They returned to Inversheil, where the others had spread out, attending to their own devices; Victor was waiting for them, having need to talk to Ryuji. He watched the doctor storm away without saying anything, the collar still visibly around his neck. Victor looked questioningly between the other two men; Pierce shrugged, told them that he had business, and would meet them there in a few hours to teleport somewhere for the full moon.
"You are Ryuji, yes?" Victor asked. Ryuji nodded. "Then..."
"Caitlyn agreed to remove it after this is finished."
Victor frowned, "And he accepted this?"
Ryuji made an odd face and said, "He...wasn't really given that option." Victor continued to look confused, so he elaborated, "Caitlyn offered to remove it, but only if he agreed to leave and never return. He chose to stay, so, Caitlyn agreed to remove it when we finish and none of us have to be around him anymore."
Victor made a 'hmn' noise. "...Well, I don't agree with your wife. I take offense with the collar. But I appreciate your desire to appease and protect her. I won't discuss this any further, since there's nothing I nor anyone else here can truly do to interfere. I am here because I have a favour I wish to ask you."
"Oh!" this snapped Ryuji out of his thoughtful expression. "Here, I had to buy this, and I thought you could use it. I know Cheko doesn't like to go into cities without hers, so, now you have your own." He held out the illusion-casting hat he had purchased yesterday.
Victor blinked and took the hat. "Oh! Thank you. This is very appreciated. I can pay you back for it." He bowed his head in thanks. "I...have another favour to ask though."
"What is it?"
Victor looked uncomfortable, and replied, "Hrm...recent events have been less than kind to me and..." he sighed and rubbed his eyes, "I have a tail that's preventing me from wearing any of my pants; you're the only one who can sew, and can know what I look like. I can't exactly go to a shop." He added under his breath, "Riast knows how well that would go over." Looking at Ryuji again, his expression uncomfortable, he asked, "Could you please see what you could do?"
Ryuji blinked, "Oh...yeah, ok. I'm...not entirely certain how to do it properly, but, I can try, sure."
"Thank you," he bowed his head again. "I also...hrn," he bit his lip and looked downcast, muttering something.
"Pardon?"
"I don't know how to shave," he repeated, more clearly, still looking embarrassed and uncomfortable. "I'm a half-elf, or I was, so it was never something I needed to know, and now I appear to have a beard, and it needs to be removed and I don't know how."
Looking confused, Ryuji said, "Well, I haven't needed to do that for years, but I guess I could show you..." He tilted his head and asked, "Why ask me?"
Victor fiddled with his elbow, looking down, "You...know what it's like to suddenly have a different body."
Ryuji looked at him with a touch of pity. "...This really bothers you, doesn't it? Why? I mean, you always knew you were a devil, and that never bothered you before."
"There's a difference between knowing that when you die, after you've lived your life, you are going to Hell regardless of your actions, and actually being Hellspawn, with hints of memories you don't want and a body that's unfamiliar and will inspire fear and hate if anyone sees it."
Ryuji regarded him for a few seconds silently, before saying, "Well...at least no one here cares what you look like." He shrugged slightly, "Let's see if we can fix your pants, at least. I can do at least that much."
----
Lucca walked towards the room where the portal was; everyone should be congregating to leave soon, before it got too close to sunset. As he walked in, he saw that apparently Cohen was the only one there. Cress had sworn that he'd be on time; he only had about 10 minutes before he made himself a liar. He knew Victor was with Ryuji, not far, that Cheko was with Virgil, and that Pierce always arrived precisely on time, or 5 minutes after. Cohen sat on a small couch in the room, leaning back with his eyes shut; he still had the collar on. His expression was flat and unhappy.
Oh, for the love of fuck... Harlequin intoned in Lucca's mind.
You can say that again. The druid growled in agreeance. He had already sighted the object of the fey's annoyance, his own anger at the development flaring hot and fast. The fuck is this crap? Seriously? Bull fucking shit, man.
Crossing the room, he dropped to the floor before Cohen, sitting crosslegged. Skipping pleasantries, he got straight to the point. "Hey doc. I see you're still rockin' that lovely "accessory" of yours. How the fuck did that happen? What sorta horseshit did they pull on ya this time?"
Cohen tilted his head upward to look at Lucca, then sank back again. "The same as before, the same as always," he replied dryly. "I am utterly depraved and untrustworthy, and so was informed that my options were to be kept under the collar for everyone's safety, or to be exiled under promise of summary execution. I opted to consider the continuation of the world as slightly more important than my freedom. It is a lovely feeling, submitting to slavery, let me tell you."
"What the actual fuck? Who's fucked up ultimatum was that? Did Caitlyn fucking come up with that shit?" Lucca shot him a darkly probing look. Turning his attention inward, he unleashed a furious rant.That is fucking bullshit! Like, last I checked that stupid ass collar was all about Caitlyn being coddled, not "everyone's safety"; nice fucking try on their part to make their fuckery seem altrustic though. Classy. He gave a derisive snort. Bitch isnt even fucking here anymore! And I didn't see any of us who are *actually on the fucking boat* voting on exiling the old bastard! Who the fuck are they to be calling shots like that? Fucking! bullshit!"
Unaware of Lucca's rant, Cohen replied, "Oh, of course it was her idea; I assume the zombie just capitulates to her whim. And people wonder why I assumed he was her thrall. Interestingly though, after I submitted, he suggested that it be taken off; apparently I'm beginning to make him feel bad. Of course, she talked him down from 'take it off now' to 'take it off at an unspecified time in the future when the All are defeated and she feels like it', so I'm not holding my breath." He sighed, "And so I will continue to endure. I suffer punishments and losses at every junction of my life, and the closer I get to accomplishing anything, the grander the punishments I must endure become. But that is my life...existance; it is my existance. It's difficult to call it a 'life' at this point, what with my free will being strangled out of me like an animal caught in a wire. But I will submit to life's injustices and carry on, and eventually I will succeed. I can be patient, and I can play any hand I am dealt. I won't be broken."
Uuuugh Harlequin complained. Think of how much more useful this guy could be if he was allowed to care. Fuckin' woman. Ugh, he moaned again. Tell him, he prodded. Tell him that he just needs to outrun the clock. So what if it's a few decades? That's small change in the bigger scheme.
"Okay, okay. Yes, fine." Lucca responded to the fey out loud. With a disgusted sigh, he turned his attention back to Cohen, keeping his voice low, "Alright, dude, theres something you should know about that piece of shit you got on ya, kay? I was tryin' to be a good guy about it, but frankly, let's be honest, that fucking bitch has gone way, waaay too far with this shit. So. The fucker comes off two ways, not one. First, she can take it off, but nobody else can. You know that already. Second," Leaning forward, he dropped his voice a little more, "It comes off when she dies. Outlive her, however you gotta, and you're golden. You'll be free of the thing, and you get your life back."
At this, Cohen leaned up again, regarding him with a raised eyebrow. Eventually, he asked with an almost conspiratorial tone, "...And how, pray tell, do you know that?"
"Because," The druid replied with a hint of a devilish smirk, "I spend all my time hangin' with the guy they comissioned to make the damn thing, and he was nice enough to share that info with me." As he spoke, he gestured with his eyes towards the mask at his hip.
"Oh, it's his handiwork then," he said, his tone still dry. "I'm a bit surprised. I thought he wanted us to all get along and save the world. This thing screams 'argumentative dissent'. Though I guess that it was on me made a difference; I'm sure it wouldn't have been tolerated on anyone else."
"It was something a last ditch attempt to salvage the situation. The hope seemed to be that if the tyrant was appeased, we'd all get along? I dunno, nobody asked me. Or anyone else, for that matter. One way or another though, it wasn't Harl's idea, he's always thought it was horseshit too." Lucca offered with a shrug.
It was a rather sparklingly bad idea, yes. Harlequin replied. I still think wiping her mind would have been the more effective solution, but what does anyone care about my opinion? I'm just the artist, and I don't get paid unless the client is satisfied. Oh, oh, but you'll both like this part: so, you both know that it will break when the Ice Queen dies, right? That's because I wasn't about to sacrifice a part of my power to make the stupid thing permanent; I'm actively embuing it. Right now, I'm spending energy. I can't turn it off, because that would be a violation of my contract, but! But, but. The Winter King, for being a lawyer, wasn't exactly thorough when it came to terms and conditions. He was a bit upset; the best time to deal with people, honestly. This thing is so entirely useless without his very mortal wife, there's no reason for it to exist after she's dead; he never specified, so I saw no reason to use my best craftsmanship. He didn't care how I made it, so I chose the active-imbuement method, and I'm terminating the contract when she croaks, regardless of anything else. But, you know what that means, right? Right? Harlequin didn't stop to let Lucca reply. He continued gleefully, Because this is an active use of my power and not a one-shot deal, he's paying me by the hour. By the time his wife is dead, he will have racked up an absolutely magnificent tab. He will owe me for *years* and *years* of assistance, and the fool is immortal, so I can take my time with the payment plan. Harlequin giggled, You'd think mortals would learn to not take deals with extraplanars lightly, but no, they keep being idiots. Present company excluded, of course, he added politely. I'm willing to play nicely with my friends, and I am certainly willing to be friends of yours. Oh, and tell him I can hear him. I don't like to be talked about like I can't hear. I can always hear, especially when people are talking about me.
Lucca gave a short laugh. Oh man, fuckin' right, dude! That's fucking *beautiful*! Well done, I'm impressed. He glanced toward the doorway to ensure they were still alone. Turning his attention back to Cohen, he offered by way of explanation, "Harl don't do nothin' for free; you want somethin' from him, you owe him a proportionate favour. That's kinda his whole gig, right? Such was the deal with your collar. Apparently the stupid thing is a whole hell of a lot more expensive than I thought; he's charging hourly for upkeep." With a snort, he added, "Oh, and he'd like you to quit talking like he ain't here. He can hear you just fine, and see ya too, for that matter. He is always very much aware of his surroundings, particularily when they concern him."
Cohen raised an eyebrow. "Well. That's...a little distressing. So he's just going to watch you for 24 hours a day, for your whole life? ..."
"I dunno, I don't think he's gonna stick around like this for my whole life, probably just 'till we get his shit back? But too be honest, dude has been hanging around me on and off for years. Its really not so big a change. Kinda gotten used to it. At least when he's like this I can see that he's around." He finished with a shrug and a thoughtful look as he asked Harlequin, How long *are* you gonna hang out like this anyway?
Funny you only ask now, the fey said with a smirk in his voice. Your IOU let me waive your permission for this particular contract. I decided to leave it open-ended; I'll return to my real form when I no longer believe the arrangement is beneficial to me. I don't like closing doors.
While Harlequin spoke to Lucca, Cohen paused, gave a thoughtful look and shrugged, "Well, I guess the voyeurism is no different than in jail, and that wasn't one of the worst parts. I suppose I apologize then, I wasn't aware you had senses like that," he nodded towards the mask. "And, as marvelous as it is to know that someone is going to have to pay for their deeds...oh, good, I'm allowed to think that, dare I ask how he's...sorry, you're, planning on making someone pay who, from what I gathered, is going to be dead? If you're charging hourly until it comes off, which you just said was when she dies."
Lucca blinked and shook his head "Eh? Oh no, she ain't the one paying. Ryu-dude's footin' the bill for that sucker, and he's got legit forever to pay up."
The doctor blinked repeatedly, processing that information. Eventually he offered, "...Why?? That is the single most idiotic...he's paying for his wife's insanity that he doesn't even fully support anymore...and he honestly didn't even make it so he could cancel it of his own accord??"
Hee hee. Nope. Only her. Lucca relayed the fey's answer, finishing with a derisive snort.
"That's...that boy is an idiot. An actually complete idiot." Cohen leaned back and laughed. "I'll have to make sure, when it's off, to drop in from time to time to remind him how much of a fool he is. 'Do you remember that time when you put yourself in, oh what will it be, 40 years? 50? She's about 30, I think. 40 solid years of magical effort to a fey, for an insane bitch who's been dead for generations?'" He grinned sardonically, "Well, that's resonably heartening, that I only need to suffer under it for so long. I had assumed that she would die and it would be left on forever, and I'd be forced to consort with even less savoury extraplanars to get free of it." He leaned back and crossed his legs, folding his hands over his knee, "But I can wait a few years."
"What, you gonna live forever now too, doc? The way you're talking, sounds like you've got all the time in the world..." Lucca quirked an eyebrow at him, "But in any case, that's the spirit! Just gotta fuckin' wait a little while, and you'll even get to gloat about it."
Cohen continued to grin with his sarcastic superiority, "I am an old, heartless, sarcastic bastard with nothing to lose and everything to gain. I am a cockroach of a human. I knew I'd never die from the moment I ascended." He made a conceding expression, "Unless someone finally gets around to murdering me. Good luck to them."
Lucca considered this with a thoughtful smirk, eventually saying with a snort. "Well then, good on ya, sir. So much the better for you, eh? Congrats."
As Cohen gave an accepting shrug, they heard footsteps from outside; Victor and Ryuji entered the room, followed not too long later by Cheko, Virgil, and Clover. Pierce arrived precisely 5 minutes after the appointed time, with Cress dashing in, panting out apologies, a few minutes after that. With everyone gathered, they returned to the inn they had left two days earlier, whereupon the affected individuals would teleport to the wilderness for the night of the full moon.
Category:Advent of the All