Meeting the Kanker Sisters/Trading Link's Slingshot for the Black Cauldron

(Later on, Team Hylia and Grumpy arrived in the Swamps of Belrudo. As they walked around cautiously, Grumpy spoke up)
Grumpy: Well, if it’s the Swamps of Belrudo you want, here it is.
(The team looked around cautiously while still walking)
Applejack: Talk about a dreary place.
Rarity: And not to mention filthy.
Vector: Well, what do you expect? A swamp is a swamp!
Eddy: (To Grumpy) And you’re sure you know where the Black Cauldron is here?
Grumpy: I’m positive! I feel it in my gut!
(They walked around and saw Link climb up a tree)
Aryll: You taking a look up there, Big Brother?
Link: Yeah.
(He scours the area, and saw something in the distance)
Link: I spy with my eyes….
Ed: More swamp?
Link: No. A cottage of some kind.
(Grumpy realized what he’s talking about)
Grumpy: That’s the place.
(Link climbs back down and they head to the cottage when suddenly, Double D, Snake, Aria, Vector, and Tikal fell down a slope and into a blackish brown mud puddle)
Double D: Filthy, filthy, filthy!
Aria: Yuck!
(They tried to get up, but they felt stuck)
Zelda: You okay?
Vector: If we were stuck, how are we okay?
Snake: Wait! Sssstuck?
(Suddenly, they felt a slow suction starting to make them sink. Double D realized in a calm panic at first)
Double D: (Calmly panicking at first) No movements. (Freaking out) We’re in quicksand!
(Realizing, Team Hylia grabbed a nearby big broken branch long enough for Double D, Snake, Aria, Vector, and Tikal. Back in the quicksand, the five kept their arms and hands up, hoping they will get rescued before they completely sink)
Tikal: Hurry! Help us!
(Then the branch was lowered to them)
Double D: Oh, bless you, bless you, bless you!
Vector: Come on!
(They grab the branch and as they pulled, Team Hylia backed away with their strength. Then suddenly, seeing the branch starting to break, Team Hylia panicked calmly. Then Silver quickly gave a look that means “Why didn’t I think of it before?” and then used his psychokinesis to lift Double D, Snake, Aria, Vector, and Tikal out of the quicksand quickly and deposit them safely next to the team, much to their relief)
Double D, Snake, Aria, Vector, and Tikal: Thank you!
Aria: And now we’re covered in mud!
Silver: Not to worry.
(He then used his powers to magically clean the five of the mud. Once cleaned, the five smiled gratefully)
Snake: Thankssssss!
Aria: Now we’re squeaky clean!
(They resumed their journey. Then upon arrival at the cottage, they peeked through the windows)
Bubbles: Looks like nobody’s home.
Boomer: Yeah. Don’t see anybody home.
(Then Charmy and Ed tried to open the door)
Charmy: Is the door stuck?
Ed: Or locked?
Espio: Apparently, it is locked.
Knuckles: Okay. Stand back.
(Then he punched the door down, making it open. Then they cautiously entered)
Rouge: Okay. If I were an evil artifact like the Black Cauldron, where would I be in a place like this?
(Omega scanned the area)
Omega: Sensors indicate that the Black Cauldron’s location in this area is…. Unknown.
Link: Okay. Spread and search.
(The team nods and they began searching every nook and cranny in the house. Finally, Link and Sonic peeked in a chest and then to their and team’s surprise, a myriad of frogs emerged and hopped out of the house)
Girls: Whoa!
Cheese: (Confused) Chao, chao?
Cream: Why were there frogs in this house?
Grumpy: Actually, they’re people turned into frogs.
(Team Hylia got calmly surprised)
Team Hylia: Frog-turned people?
(Grumpy nods)
Grumpy: Now watch your backs. You’ll never know what’ll happen.
Shadow: Understood, Grumpy.
(Team Hylia nods in agreement. Then Billy and Ace noticed a pile of cauldrons)
Billy: There’s a bunch of cauldrons!
Ace: Yeah! The Black Cauldron must be here somewhere!
Snake: Good eyessssss, Acccce and Billy!
Ace: Meh, nothing to it.
Billy: (Giddily) Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah!
(Team Hylia scoured the cauldron pile and had no luck)
Adagio: No sign still.
Ace: Billy and I could’ve sworn it was in there.
(Suddenly hearing flapping and footprints, the team got suspicious)
Blossom: (Whispering) Did you hear that?
Eddy: (Whispering) How could we not?
(Then more flapping and footprints)
Cosmo: (Whispering) I think we should get out of here for now.
Blaze: (Whispering) My sentiments exactly.
(They run to hide to see what’s going on when suddenly, after Link and Zelda’s groups and Grumpy hid inside in a nearby manhole, Sonic’s group, except Froggy and Cheese who escaped with the others, the Eds, Gangreen Gang, and Dazzlings were suddenly stopped by a group of black feathered crows, consisting Jim Crow, Strawhat Crow, Preacher Crow, Fat Crow, Glasses Crow, and Jeremy, led by three goofy-looking girls the same age as the Eds. The first girl has short orange curly hair covering her eyes, freckles on her cheeks, a blue tooth, and wearing small gold loop earrings, a white tanktop with red polka dots, a pink belt with a white buckle, light blue pants, and blue shoes. She is Lee Kanker, the lead witch of the Swamps of Belrudo. The second girl has short blue hair emo hair covering her right eye, red nailpolish-covered nails, and wearing a black cropped tanktop, a black wristband on her left wrist, a pink belt with a white buckle, green cargo pants, and black shoes. She is Marie Kanker, Lee’s cool jerk-like little sister and another witch of the Swamps of Belrudo. And the last girl has long blonde hair, freckles on her cheeks, buck teeth, and wearing a light gray short-sleeved cropped shirt, a pink belt with a white buckle, red shorts, light yellow knee-high socks, and burgundy red shoes. She is May Kanker, Lee and Marie’s dopey little sister and the last witch of the Swamps of Belrudo. As soon as they were stopped, Sonic’s group, the Eds, Gangreen Gang, and Dazzlings prepared to make a dash for it, but the crows grabbed them, much to their hidden friends’ concern)
Lee: Well, well. What do we have here?
Marie and May: Yeah?
Jim Crow: Trespassers, miladies!
Preacher Crow: More like frog thieves!
Strawhat Crow: Or worse, spies!
(The captives got surprised and angry as the crows tied their hands behind their backs, with the ropes being escape-proof for them, psychic-proof for Silver, and fire-proof for Blaze)
Sonic’s group: We’re neither of those!
Eds: Let us go now!
Dazzlings: Yeah!
Gangreen Gang: We’re just here…!
(But the crows tied some white cloth gags around the captives’ mouths, silencing them)
Marie: Save that for court!
May: Which we’ll thankfully have right now!
Lee: And if you’re about to say “Here for the Black Cauldron,” then tough. Because what you say is a bunch of baloney.
May: (Giggling) Yeah!
Marie: So, unfortunately, you’ll pay for what you did to our frogs!
(Then they and the crows began singing as the captives and hidden heroes got calmly concerned)
Kanker Sisters and crows: Maybe you’ve heard
Of a terrible place
Where the wicked of Hyrule
Come here and search
Maybe you’ve heard
Of that mythical object
Called the Black Cauldron
May: Hello, that’s right!
(Then the crows showed examples of the unlucky ones that came before with wooden dolls)
Crows: Where the lame can’t walk
And the blind can’t see
(Then Lee, with a smirk, chopped the dolls’ heads off with an axe)
Lee: And the dead don’t talk
So, you won’t be around
To reveal what you’ve found
(Then the crows carried their captives towards the gallows with a bunch of nooses and three chairs. Concerned, the hidden heroes secretly followed them)
Kanker Sisters and crows: We have a method for intruders and thieves
Rather like hornets protecting their hive
Lee: Here in the Swamps of Belrudo
Kanker Sisters and crows: Where’s it a miracle if you get out alright
(Then at the gallows, as the captives, except the Eds, had the nooses around their necks and the Eds seated on and tied to three chairs, the Kanker Sisters made their announcement to some more crows)
Lee: Gather around, guys!
May: There’s good “noose” to us all!
(The crows laughed at the joke as the safe hidden heroes arrived secretly in the crow crowd)
Marie: We just caught us a bunch of frog-thieving spies!
(The crows booed. Then the Kanker Sisters gestured to their captives)
Marie: And not just any spies, these are 18 Mobian animals!
May: Five green-skinned boys!
Lee: Five teenage loser girls!
Kanker Sisters: And three handsome boys!
(Deciding they must clear all of this and save their friends, the heroes quietly and secretly climbed up a wall towards the gallows as the Kanker Sisters resumed singing)
Marie: The justice is swift
In the Swamps of Belrudo
Lee: We are the lawyers and judges
All in one
(On Lee’s line, she magically pulled out a lawyer’s briefcase and then a gavel and banged the gavel on Snake’s head, much to his annoyance)
May: We like to get the trial over with quickly
Because it’s the sentence that’s really the fun
(On “fun,” May gently tightened a noose around Knuckles’ neck)
Lee: Any last words?
(The captives mumbled in anger and protest due to their gags)
Lee: That’s what they all say.
(Then the Kanker Sisters acted like the judge and lawyers)
Lee: Now that we’ve seen all the evidence….
(Then May pretended to butt in)
May: Wait, I object
(Lee and Marie played along in pretend anger)
Lee and Marie: Overruled
May: I object
Lee and Marie: Shut up
May: Darn
(Then the Kanker Sisters pretended to be sympathetic)
Kanker Sisters: We find you totally innocent
Which is the worst crime of all?
(Then they brightened up)
Kanker Sisters and crows: So, you’re going to hang
Kanker Sisters: (To the Eds) And you three marry us
Crows: Yeah!
(The Kanker Sisters were about to pull the lever to the gallows beneath the captives, except the Eds, but then a Light Arrow struck near them, stopping them in their tracks)
Rest of Team Hylia: Stop!
(Then Link and Zelda’s groups, Cheese, Froggy, and Grumpy arrived in determination and anger. The captives got happy)
Captives: (Through gags) Guys!
(Then Link, Zelda, and Aryll pointed the Master Sword, another Light Arrow, and Longshot at the Kanker Sisters, making them back off as the three heroes and non-captive friends arrived to their captive friends)
Link: These are our friends!
Zelda: And we’re not thieves nor spies!
Aryll: Yeah!
Blossom: We really did come for the Black Cauldron!
Brick: So, pick on someone your own size!
(Surprised, the Kanker Sisters and crows were flabbergasted at first, but then understood in realization as Link and Zelda’s group, with Froggy, Cheese, and Grumpy’s help, ungagged their friends)
Lee: Oh. So it is true.
Marie: Yeah.
May: Why didn’t they just say so in the first place?
Rescued captives: We did say so in the first place!
(Then Link cuts Silver free and once untied, Silver removed his noose and then used his powers to untie the others. Once the others are untied, they removed their nooses and the Eds stood up from their chairs as well)
Arturo: Gracias, Silver.
Former captives: Yeah.
(Then the Kanker Sisters and crows thought it over and gave in, or in the Kanker Sisters’ case, gave in grudgingly)
Kanker Sisters: Fine! Wedding and execution’s cancelled!
(Later, back in the room, after all was explained, the Kanker Sisters and crows set up a trading post set as Team Hylia and Grumpy watched)
Knuckles: So, let me and my friends get this straight. You want us to trade something to you for the Black Cauldron?
Kanker Sisters and crows: Yep!
Marie: It ain’t gonna be free!
May: So either make a deal or leave us.
Lee: We’re always a trio of girls for a bargain.
(Team Hylia thought it over and after nodding to each other, they spoke up)
Team Hylia: We have something to trade.
(Link pulls his slingshot out. The Kanker Sisters and crows inspected it in interest)
Jeremy: Wow…. An actual slingshot….
May: I always wanted a slingshot!
Marie: It’s cute!
Lee: And it’s a rare one as well!
(Team Hylia got calmly happy)
Caramel: We’ll do it.
Link: As much as it pains me to say it, but….
(He kneels down and holds up the slingshot)
Link: Here it is. We trade this slingshot for the Black Cauldron.
(The Kanker Sisters levitates the slingshot out of Link’s hands)
Kanker Sisters: Deal! Done!
(Then they, the crows, and the slingshot vanished and then as the Kanker Sisters’ cackling is heard briefly, the cottage shook)
Eddy: Run!
Comet Tail: It’s gonna collapse!
Link: Hurry!
(They run out as the cottage tore apart magically the beams flew around, making the team and Grumpy duck down. Then the cottage vanished in an implosion. As Team Hylia and Grumpy recovered, they panted softly)
Cream: That was scary.
(Then, an earthquake hits)
Ed: Earthquake!
(Suddenly, the Mane Seven noticed something else making the earthquake)
Mane Seven: No, look!
(They look and saw emerging from the ground where the cottage stood a certain black evil-looking artifact. The team recognized it)
Team Hylia: The Black Cauldron!
Sonic: Now we have to hide it somewhere!
(Suddenly, the Kanker Sisters and crows arrived)
Kanker Sisters and crows: Wait!
(Grumpy and the team got confused and annoyed)
Vector: Now what?
Lee: It’s impossible to hide the Black Cauldron from evil hands.
Shadow: And your point is?
Lee: The point, being, is that the Black Cauldron can be destroyed. The only way to destroy it is to break it with the power of the Triforces of Courage, Wisdom, and Good Power, and the legendary heroes’ weapons combined.
(Realizing, Team Hylia turned to Link, Zelda, and Aryll)
Team Hylia: You know the drill.
Link, Zelda, and Aryll: (Nods) Right!
(Just before they took action, Lee spoke up)
Lee: But it won’t work in this swamp, however.
Marie: That’s right. It can be destroyed anywhere except here.
May: So, you better get it out of here and bring it somewhere so that nobody evil can get it.
(Team Hylia thought it over and nods)
Link: We’ll take it to the Fairy Realm and destroy it there.
Silver: I’ll use my powers to carry it there.
Amy: And you seem to like the idea of it being destroyed. Why?
(The Kanker Sisters turned to the crows, who explained away)
Jim Crow: (To Team Hylia) The reason, being that our miladies want it destroyed and away from us, is because it brought nothing but bad luck to good people like us since it was hidden away here 14 years ago. (To the crows) Catch on?
Crows: That’s right.
Preacher Crow: And we’ll be extremely grateful to you that you destroy it.
Espio: How did you find out that the Black Cauldron can be destroyed?
Lee: We’re witches. We sensed it with our magic.
May: So, good luck taking it to the Fairy Realm!
Marie: And remember, you need a lot of magic from you in order to do it, Chosen Ones!
(The Kanker Sisters cackled as Team Hylia and Grumpy left with Silver levitating the Black Cauldron in the air with his powers)
Aryll: What about your house?
Lee: Don’t worry. Our house is fine.
Marie: We’ll rebuild it.
May: With magic.
Team Hylia: Okay. Bye! And thanks!
Kanker Sisters and crows: Bye!
(Then with that, Team Hylia and Grumpy left with the Black Cauldron in tow to bring it to the Fairy Realm)
Coming up: Team Hylia and Grumpy reassure Link that he did the right thing trading the slingshot for the Black Cauldron and then explained that everything impossible they did was because of their friendship and teamwork. Unfortunately, Myotismon and Ganondorf’s army finally finds them and everyone, except Grumpy, the Gangreen Gang, and Dazzlings, gets captured by them. Then at their castle again while Grumpy, the Gangreen Gang, and Dazzlings convince the people of Hyrule to stand up and fight, Myotismon, Ganondorf, and their group use the Black Cauldron’s power to awaken the Cauldron-Born, and it’s not gonna be pretty.
Category:Fan Fiction
Category:The Black Cauldron Parodies
Category:Eilonwy
Category:Disney Princess Fanmakes
Category:Disney Princess Parodies