Desert Disaster; Birthday Boogaloo

==Fire, what the hell are you doing this time?==
IT'S A PERTEH AND THERE'S LOTS OF DRUNK PEOPLE Well, it's my birthday on October 4th, and I have mentioned this a few times. For my birthday, I want to have the twentieth fucking a nice joke story. The theme is Delinius' birthday. It's an all-edit story. The main idea is that Delinius hosts a party in his house, which of course causes all kinds of fun happening, most of which is mostly up to you to come up with! Of course, I will kind of guide everything in the right direction.
Also, I do not at all have any things in mind for this.
==Preparations==
Delinius is busy around the house, dusting off the chairs, cleaning the floor and even clears the dining table, something which he rarely does. Sherman notices this.
Sherman: Uh, what are you doing?
Delinius: I'm preparing for my birthday, duh.
Sherman: What? Oh, the note... Don't tell me you've invited everyone you could possibly invite... This should be a nightmare if it is so...
Delinius: There's more than enough room for guests, methinks.
Sherman: But... where are you going to get everything? You aren't exactly rich...
The doorbell rings.
Delinius: I'll get it, Sherman.
He returns with a dozen crates of food and an unusually large amount of alcohol.
Sherman: Whoa, sir, you've brought enough to start a drinking house! What's going on here? How are you paying this?
Delinius: From what I've heard, alcohol is a good thing to have plenty of. I might've overdone a little, but you can never be certain. As for the money... Remember that stuff I'm brewing?
Sherman: You said you weren't done testing it, though. So how can that generate income?
Delinius: The unfinished product is already pretty popular. People call it 'an absolute must for any party'. I can't mind that, can I? If they want to waste their money on it and find this tasty already, so be it...
Delinius then starts preparing food and brings all the alcohol to a secret booze room yeah a cellar. By the time the evening arrives, he has cooked enough food for a restaurant.
==Chapter one: PARTAY TIME!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!111!!!one!!==
Delinius: Hmm. Although I assume everyone was aware of being invited, as well as the place and time, it seems none have yet made the journey. Well then.
He does some sort of thing where he burninates a city, causing everyone who was invited and everyone who wasn't to receive a small red stone from the sky notifying them of the party and allowing them to travel instantly by saying the word 'phlogiston' while holding the stone. It works, and everyone suddenly arrives. obviously Fire's just making an easy beginning SILENCE YOU BLATANT FOOL, THIS STORY IS NOT WRITTEN BY YOU.
One of the first people is Josewong.
Josewong: Delinus I Have A Gift For You It's A Toaststeel Axe Which Is Made Of Toaststeel Which is 5 Times Stronger than Carbon Fiber And 2 Times Lighter Than Graphene
Delinius receives an axe that resembles metallic toast in its appearance.
Delinius: Hm. I suppose this is a fitting gift. Thank you, Josewong.
Next is Hankvi, along with Maxine.
Hankvi: Well, it's not that big of a project but me and Maxine had a collaboration and made this weapon. We call it "Hades Harbinger".
Maxine: I done most of the schematics, and he done the design and paint job.
Hankvi: We also made a commercial. *finger snap*
Maxine then holds a mini-TV and begins to play a video.
 Hankvi is seen in a field.
 Hank: Is this on?
 Max: Yeah, rolling.
 Hank: Alright. Ahem. Fellow Gridmasks, Lumberjacks, pyromaniacs... Delinius,
 have you ever been in a situation where you happen to have multiple tools but only a single purpose for each?
 Ever forgot some at home and just wish you could only wield one tool?
 One tool - to rule them all? One tool- to rule them all? One tool - to rule them a-
 Max (off-cam): Psst, Hank.
 Hank: Oh, sorry. But let me ask you: Are you a Lumberjack?
 
 Hank is then seen cutting down a tree with a couple of swings. A PINK tree.
 Hank: TIMBER!!
 The PINK tree falls on Hank.
 Hank: WHAT THE FU- MAN!?-
 
 The recording switches back to Hank at the field.
 Hank: Do you like playing with fire?
 
 Hank is then seen throwing a match at a group of Green Smiley Walkers. Expectedly, they all burn.
 Hank: Hmph, I don't even like fire.
 
 The recording switches back again.
 Hank: Or having the short end of the Stick Ranger cause you have no range?
 
 Hank is then seen near a wall, wielding a random axe looking intimidating as well as having some random fruit on his head.
 *woosh*
 An arrow hit the wall - presumably shot by Max. There is a fair distance from the arrow to the fruit.
 Hank: Oh come on! That's the best you can do? Maybe you need a different hair gel in case your aim's o-
 Another arrow hit right through his chest.
 Hank: ....I have to go to the Pet Hospital, but I'm not even a pet.
 
 The recording then switched back again.
 Hank: ..Aheh, yeah. Well have I the thing just for you. Presenting, the Hades Harbinger!
 That's right! This is your go to tool without having to carry three different things - in this case, an axe;
 
 Recording goes to Hank with a nearby tree. Another PINK tree.
 Hank: This can even heat the axe blade to cut with ease! You just hold that button....
 Hank proceeds to swing the HH at the tree with one swing, leaving a burning stump at its wake.
 ???: OW!
 Hank: Whoops, should've said TIMBER.
 
 Hank: A flamethrower;
 
 Hank: Since I'm not really in the mood to showcase the flamethrower ability, here I have a guest: "Delinius".
 Not Delinius (clearly Max): Hi, my name is De-Linus.
 Hank (off-cam): DELINIUS!
 *cut*
 ND: Hi, my name is Not Delinius.
 *cut*
 ND: Hi, my name is Delinius and I approve of this message-
 The real Delinius: Hey, what is this?
 Hank: You're not supposed to be in the shot!
 Delinius: Gimme that, I'll show you some fireworks!
 Delinius steals the HH and opens fire (literally)
 Hank & Max: AAAAAA-
 
 Hank: It's even a triple Poisonshot-
 Max (off-cam): -Fireshot-
 Hank: Err- Fireshot!
 
 The recording goes back to Hank with the wall. The fruit is still on his head. Max managed to hit the fruit.
 Hank: Nice shot, now it's my turn!
 Hank then whips out the HH and is about to fire.
 Max (off-cam): Don't you realize it's not appropriate to shoot or even aim at a lady?
 Hank: ....oh. Then how I'm supposed to fire this if I have no targ-
 An arrow appears to be shot at Hank's chest... again.
 Hank: ....I was just at the hospital, dammit!
 
 The recording switches back to Hank for the last time.
 Hank: Made from accordance to a patent of the Titanwielder, this thing is like a triple Swiss army knife!
 You only have to carry this and you're adamantic! Call now to 1-623-HGD-42AD to get yours for only 62,300 gold split into 23 months!
 Special offer! Is your name Delinius Rupert Langton? You have a 100% discount!
 Supply is limited, get yours now! Call 1-623-HGD-42AD! Come on down!
 Max: Um, Hank?
 Hank: Yes?
 Max: ...
 Hank: ????
 Delinius: !!!
 Delinius snatches the HH and opens fire at them, again.
 Hank & Max: AAAAAA-
 Hank: I JUST GAVE YOU A DISCOUNT!
 Max: TO THE MOTORBIKE!
 They hop on to a motorbike and zoom off. The camera then falls and the recording on TV loses the signal.
Hankvi: ....Okay the commercial would've been more successful if Delinius didn't ruin the shot but hey. Happy birthday!
Delinius: ...where did you get the motorbike?
Hankvi: Oh, that was Maxine's. We would've gotten here by that, but you spared us the trouble.
Delinius: Well thanks for the gift! And quite obviously, all damage was payed for *awkward coughing* afterwards.
He then goes to the booze cellar kitchen and gets the two of them some wine.
Hank & Max: Thanks!
Hankvi and Maxine lift their glass filled with wine.
Hankvi: A toast! ...for completing future projects that I've happened to gather over however many years of work.
Maxine: ...cheers!
*CLINK*
As they were about to drink their wine...
Hankvi: ...WAIT!
Maxine & Delinius: What?
Hankvi: I just thunk! Why don't we play a game?
Delinius: Of what?
Hankvi: Of Life: Fun-Ball edition "Never have I ever"! Just like in that one story.
Delinius: Which one?
Hankvi: ...Dammit I forgot you didn't exist back then. That was about a story about <deleted character> finds a crush on Zachary and <another deleted character> gets mad and jealous and such that... there was supposed to be some vacation they and Revelian and <retconned character> were all supposed to take but-
Delinius and Maxine were snoring. Hankvi sighs.
Hankvi: ...whatever. SO, ARE YOU GUYS READY????!!!!
A lot of people nod. This includes everyone from the story Hank tried to mention: Jast, Zachary and Revelian also join the drinking. However, <deleted character>, <another deleted character> and <retconned character>, do not, because they don't exist by now. Yeah.
Delinius: A drinking game sounds very dangerous and yet very patryesque. Excellent! One moment, if you do not mind.
Delinius briefly leaves the room and returns with his sister and himself carrying a large, low, round table, which is then placed down along with a bunch of low seats and sofas.
Ina: I think I'll join this drinking game you were talking about.
Delinius: Although I'd be opposed, this is a party and thus I cannot be.
He then walks to a booze​ room​ small room somewhere next to the kitchen and gets several more bottles of alcoholic goodness. And he even does that two more times. Everyone looks surprised, especially Hank. Delinius merely laughs.
Delinius: I had anticipated this a little bit. So, what shall be our first 'never have I ever' question?
==Chapert wot,. eferyun are be drumk​==
Hankvi: Oh, so do I start? Okay... Sigh, this makes me nervous.
Delinius: Don't worry, Hank. We all let out our dirty little secrets at some point.
Hankvi: Haha hahaha ha ha... thanks for the moral support there. Now, ummm...
One train of thought later...
Hankvi: Got one! Never have I ever... successfully kissed somebody before.
Several people laugh or snicker. Delinius falls off his chair in a fit of laughter.
Hankvi: Okay...
However, Ina does drink to this question.
Delinius: You never quite did? Well well, I get to know a lot more about you now!
Ina: You'd be surprised, my little bro.
Hankvi: You're next, Ina.
Ina: Oh okay.
She puts on an extremely thoughtful face.
Ina: Hmmm....... uh... Yes, excellent! Never have I ever seen Delinius drink water.
Delinius: Did you really have to do that... dammit...
Everyone drinks to this.
Hankvi: Alright then, Delinius. Your turn, then Maxine, then Revelian, then Zachary, then Jast, then me again... unless we forgot anyone else.
Delinius: Okay.
As Delinius thought of his sentence, an eerie silence was coming from Revelian, Zachary, and Jast. Hank started to feel uneasy and sweated a little - whether it was the alcohol taking effect or not was merely up to him. Delinius suddenly waved his arms around, a bright look on his face.
Delinius: Never have I ever... uh... why are you all this silent?
He had risen from his seat and was wobbling a little.
Delinius: Never have I ever used a... BATHTUB!
He keels over laughing. Everyone looks confused as Delinius continues to laugh like a complete idiot. He gets up, downs a glass and points to Maxine.
Delinius: I believe it is your turn, ay?
Maxine: Yup. Never have I ever... gotten sunburnt.
Maxine, Ina and Delinius are first to drink. Rev also drinks, though he remains silent.
Revelian then spoke in a whisper-like tone, all quiet and amping the suspense.
Revelian: ...never have I ever... edited this story.
Hankvi & Delinius: OOOOOOOOOH!
After drunkenly sounding like a bunch of beavers playing trumpets, everyone takes a drink.
Zachary: Never have I... ever bought as much alcohol as here.
Delinius: Excellent. I wish you plenty of luck surpassing me.
And everyone drinks again.
Jast: I got one! Never have I ever... ceased to be amazed at Hank's awesome efforts!
Delinius: No false in this statement.
Ina: Per word of my bro, I'll have to agree.
Maxine: Hear, hear!
Hankvi: Oh stop it are you trying to get blood running up to my head?
And everyone but Hank take a drink while his voice was barely above a whisper.
Hankvi: ....I'm not that amazing....
Then Jast broke out with a shout.</rhymes>
Jast: GOGBEAVERDANGIT, Hank! Why are you so modest? You're clearly unmatched.
Hankvi: Well I'm just like everyone else an-
Revelian: You are unique and no longer are an infant.
Jast: Besides, in terms of being a "Gog Of All Things Worky", you have all the levels.
Zachary: All of the levels.
Revelian: All of them. Now let's get this second round rolling.
Hankvi: Aheh, alright. Sorry for self-deprecating. Okay.
And so Hank thought of his next statement.
Category:Phi Timeline
Category:Stories
Category:PhiBomb