148355-how-the-party-pooper-stole-winterfest-a-wildstar-esque-parody

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I wrote this up for our guild's holiday event (held this past Saturday). The rhyming/cadence is a little off here and there, but hope you all enjoy it anyways.
 
For a really lovely video parody created by DasMoose last year, go here: Twas The Night Before Winterfest
 
 
How The Party Pooper Stole WinterfestEvery Proto clone down in Protoville liked Winterfest a lot...But the Party Pooper, who lived just north of Protoville, Did NOT!The Party Pooper hated Winterfest! The whole Winterfest extravaganza!Especially the bombardment of commercialized propaganda.It could be that his glasses weren't tinted just right.Or perhaps, like his wallet, his boots were too tight.But I suspect the real reason behind his dark mood,was the fact that his heart was frozen and cooled.Whatever the reason, his accessories or clothes,He stood there on Winterfest Eve, hating the Protos,Glaring down from his cave with a look that could kill,At the bustling town below, that was anything but still.For he knew every Proto down in Protoville there,Was, at this very moment, enjoying the fanfare."And they're filling their socks!" he spat as he fussed,"Tomorrow is Winterfest Day! It's simply unjust!"Then he grumbled again as he started conniving"I MUST stop Winterfest Day from arriving!"For the next day, he knew , all the Protoville clonesWould raise a big clatter that would rattle his bones."I can't stand it!" he screamed. "The noise is the worst!"."It goes on and on till I think I shall burst!".Then the Protos, small and large, would enjoy a huge meal.Feasting and drinking with cubig-like zeal.They would dine on Proto-pudding, and rare Proto-roast veal.Which, for the Party Pooper, had absolutely zero appeal.And THEN they'd do something he enjoyed least of all!Every Proto clone in Protoville, the short and the tall,Would group up together, with Winterfest tunes playing,They'd share in some songs, while rocking and swaying.They'd sing and they'd sway and they'd do this all day."I must stop this somehow," he whined. "I must find a way!""Why, for too many years, I have put up with this mess!""I MUST stop this horrible Winterfest stress!"Then a dreadful idea came to his mind.A spiteful plan, an evil plan, definitely not kind."I know what I have to do!" he declared with a boom.And he made himself a quick Papa Phineas costume.And he snorted and chortled, "What a mean, nifty trick!""With this outfit, I look just like that rambling lunatic!""All I need is a roandeer.." the Party Pooper looked nearby.But, since roandeer are rare, there were none he could spy.Did that stop the old Pooper? It certainldy did not."If I can't find a roandeer, I'll just work with what I got!"So he whistled for his rowsdower, Bob. Then took some glue,And attached some antlers to it, though slightly askew.Then he loaded some boxes and some smelly old sacks,On a ramshackle space sleigh he'd crafted from scraps.After hitching up Bob, they were ready to pillage.So down the slope they went, down into the Proto village.All the homes had gone dark. Snow drifted like ash.All the Proto clones were alseep, dreaming of cash.When he came to the first house he was planning to trash."First objective reached," he declared with a grin,And he climbed to the roof, eager to get in.Sliding down the chimney, it was tight as a loo.But  if Papa Phineas could do it, then Party Pooper could too.He got wedged only once, scratching his face.Then he popped his head out of the small fireplace.Where the little Proto socks were hanging in a row."These foot warmers," he smirked, "will be the first to go!"Then he creeped and crept, and he coughed and he sniffed,Around the whole room, and he took every gift!Costumes! And dyes! And plushies galore!Toy spaceships! Dart boards! And so much more!And he shoved them in bags. Then the Party Pooper, not done,threw the bags up the chimney, one by one!Then he went to the fridge. He took the Proto's meal!He took the Proto-pudding! He took the roast veal!He cleared out that fridge, right in a jiffy!Why, he even took the mystery meat that was looking quite iffy!Then he threw all the food up the chimney quite fast."And NOW!" he squawked, "the tree is thrown up last!"So he grabbed the tree, and he started to push,When he heard a faint noise like a soft airy whoosh.He zipped around fast, and he saw a small clone!Mini Proto, who hadn't quite grown.The Pooper stood still, the Proto's eyes made a slow, sleepy blink.He'd got out of bed for something to drink.He stared at Party Pooper and said, "Pappy Phineas, why,""Why are you taking our little tree to the sky?"But clever Party Pooper was smart on his feet,He thought up a fib, just like a good cheat."Why, my dear little Proto," the fake Papa Phineas said,"There's a bulb on your tree that's suddenly gone dead.""So I'm taking it back to my shop far away.""I'll fix it and return it before Winterfest Day."Mini Proto just shrugged and gave a big yawn,was given a drink and then was shooed on.As Mini Proto went to bed, a glass in one hand,Party Pooper dealt with the tree as originally planned!Then the very last thing, that he took as he left,Was the wood for their fire. Such a great theft!Even the walls were now just bare and bereft.And all that remained was a small crumb of crust,Which no one would eat, as it was covered in dust.Then he moved house to house and did the same thingLeaving only crumbs and nails and bits of string!It was just before dawn...all the Protos, still asleep,All the Protos, still dreaming as he loaded his heap.Loaded up with their gifts! The wrappings! The bows!The labels! The wreaths! Their Winterfest clothes!Thousands of feet up! Up the side of Mt. Dumpit,He rode with his haul to the very top to chuck it!"Boohoo to the Protos!" he was happily mumbling."They're learning now that no Winterfest is coming!"They're just getting up! I can imagine the scene!""They'll look all surprised as they start to convene,Then the Protos, as one, will begin their crying!""The bawling," he grinned", "It'd be music to my ear!"So he paused and leaned forward, so he could better hear.And he did hear a sound, at first soft and so low.It grew louder and louder, this sound from below.But the sound wasn't gloomy! Why, it sounded quite glad!Yes, happy and cheerful! Where was the sad??He gazed down at Protoville, straining to see!Then he choked with surprise. "How could this be?!"Every Proto in Protoville, the short and the tall,Was singing and swaying! Without any gifts at all!He HADN'T kept Winterfest from coming! It was here!Some way it arrived, just like it did the last year!And the Party Pooper, with his feet feeling cold,Stood there wondering and wondering: "What's this I behold?""It came without wrappings! It came without bows!""It came without gifts or Winterfest clothes!"And he wondered and wondered till he thought he might drop.Then he thought of something that made his belly flop!"Maybe Winterfest," he thought, "doesn't come from a shop.""Maybe Winterfest...is sweet on its own, like a soda pop!"And what happened next? Well...in Protoville they say,That the Party Pooper's cold heart defrosted that day!And the second his heart didn't feel quite so cold,He rushed with the heap to the town down below,And he returned all the toys! And the food for the meal!And he, HE HIMSELF! The Party Pooper carved the roast veal!	
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			This is wonderful! <3	
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This is wonderful! <3
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