An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal

"" is the fifth episode in Season 3, being the twenty-seventh episode overall. It is the show's first Thanksgiving-themed episode.
==Plot==
Mr. Fischoeder convinces Bob to have the Belcher family pose as his own for Thanksgiving dinner at his mansion in order to seduce his old flame, famous sharp shooter and pursuer of married magnates, Shelby Schnabel. Bob is hired to pose as the cook While Linda and the kids pose as Calvin's family. Bob, distraught that his favorite holiday was taken from him, drinks too much absinthe in the kitchen and after a hallucinogenic "My Neighbor Totoro" themed dream, becomes emotionally attached to the turkey, Lance.
==Synopsis==
The Belchers are grocery shopping before Thanksgiving, where Bob is excited (as it is his favorite holiday) and selects a turkey to cook. At the restaurant, Mr. Fischoeder arrives and says he needs to borrow Bob’s family for Thanksgiving dinner. He explains that he is in love with world-famous sharpshooter Shelby Schnabel, who once left him for a married oil magnate, who in turn left for a married movie magnate. Shelby is a serial homewrecker, and Fischoeder wants to give a home for her to wreck and offers one month’s rent for the Belchers to pretend to be his family. Bob refuses that and to be the cook, stating that thanksgiving is the family’s favorite holiday, pointing out the activities they do every year (he and gene play football, Tina helps him break the wishbone, and he and Louise play Turkey Crime Scene Investigation: Miami with the discarded organs) including his funny toasts, but they shoot him down. Fischoeder agrees to up the offer to five month’s rent, and they agree. 
 
On Thanksgiving, Linda is in her old bridesmaid dress and singing her own Thanksgiving song as they approach Fischoeder’s mansion. Bob lays out a plan so they can all do activities before doing the toast in the kitchen at 8. Fischoeder lets the family in while Bob is made to go around to the back. In the kitchen, Bob is alone after Fischoeder leaves to get drunk and put on his “sex face” while Linda redoes her hair, and begins conversing with the turkey, whom he names Lance. The kids dress in overalls to play-act as another family, and Fischoeder explains that to keep them motivated to pretend to be a family Shelby can destroy, he will be giving them arcade tickets for their performances and flattery, with the winner getting a prize from his prize room. Bob continues conversing with Lance, and hallucinates when taking a sip of absinthe left in the kitchen. Shelby arrives and meets the “family”, and demonstrates her skill with her old rifle which Fischoeder (whom she addresses as “Calvin”) had kept on his mantle. At the dinner table, Gene and Louise keep getting tickets, Tina almost blow their cover, and Shelby is attracted to Calvin. Bob comes in from the kitchen with salads and tries to tell Gene that it is time to play football, but he ignores him and Shelby flings a small tomato at Bob. Linda makes Gene go in the kitchen to apologize. 
 
Bob tries to play football with a bread loaf but Gene leaves because he wants to get more tickets. Bob, still drinking absinthe, forgets to get the wishbone out of the turkey and burns his hands trying to get it out of the oven without mitts and only gets some turkey skin, but Tina wants to get more tickets due to being behind her siblings and leaves to send Louise in. Louise slips a note under the door saying they won’t be playing Turkey CSI Miami. Bob gets drunker on absinthe and falls asleep, imagining his family in the kitchen loving him and his dinner toast, and Lance growing in size and forming a tree of food. At 8:35, the timer dings and he realizes he missed the toast, but sees the family enjoying Fischoeder’s company at the dining table more and realizes they are not coming in for the toast. Linda comes in to get an onion to help her fake-cry for the act, and after telling Bob that they can do the toast the next day with five month’s free rent, an angry/drunk Bob says that since no one came in for his toast, he will do it out in the dining room. 
 
As Linda and the kids continue to play at being a family to get Shelby interested in Calvin, a very drunk Bob bursts in with the cooked turkey on a cart insulting the family and after arguing with Lin begins saying his toast, delivers his toast overlapping with Fischoeder’s, to Shelby’s amusement. Calvin has the kids hug him, and tries to seal the deal by kissing Linda, to Bob’s anger. He grabs Lance and runs off with the turkey, not wanting Fischoeder’s “blood money” and not thinking the others are good enough to eat Lance. To Linda’s horror, Shelby grabs her rifle to hunt down Bob. Bob runs through the hallway and up to the attic avoiding Shelby’s shots, despite the pleas of the family to not shoot their dad (which an oblivious Shelby says she wont, she will shoot the cook). Bob is shot through a door and seems to be dead to the family’s distress, but it is revealed that Lance took the bullet. After a short one-sided conversation, Bob says Lance is gone and the family apologize for ruining Thanksgiving as he realizes that he’s drunk and was talking to a turkey. Shelby is still confused and as Calvin tries to pass it off as an extramarital affair, Linda confesses the scheme. Shelby is touched Calvin would go to such lengths but says it would not still work, as she respects herself too much “not to be the other woman.” Bob calls the tow insane and wants to leave, but Louise first grabs a prize as she had the most tickets: an unflattering “family” portrait” Fischoeder had done of himself, Linda and the kids, to hang up in the Belcher kitchen as they eat Lance for dinner and Linda drinks absinthe. They cheer for eating Dad if the bullet hadn’t struck Lance as Bob tries to end dinner.
==Cast==
Starring
*H. John Benjamin as Bob
*Dan Mintz as Tina
*Eugene Mirman as Gene
*John Roberts as Linda
*Kristen Schaal as Louise
Also Starring
*Kevin Kline as Mr. Fischoeder
*Lindsey Stoddart as Shelby
==Videos==
Bob Goes Through A Tight Turkey Selection Process Season 3 Ep. 5 BOB'S BURGERS
Bob Tells The Kids How Much He Loves Thanksgiving Season 3 Ep. 5 BOB'S BURGERS
A Turducken Thanksgiving Season 3 Ep. 5 BOB'S BURGERS
Turkey Talk Season 3 Ep. 5 BOB'S BURGERS
==External links==
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de:Die Thanksgiving-Familie
Category:Episodes
Category:Season 3 Episodes
Category:Thanksgiving Episodes
Category:Episodes Written by Lizzie Molyneux-Logelin & Wendy Molyneux
Category:Episodes Directed by Tyree Dillihay
Category:2ASA Episodes
Category:2012 Episodes