Enchanted Island Adventures

Enchanted Island Adventures is 's first entry of Spin Off Kings Season Two. It is also the first archived episode of I Simp For Juicy Titties, found in File 1. It was released via Discord on May 12, 2020, but was published on SBFW a day later.
==Transcript==
[episode begins with Squidward at the Krusty Krab, taking an order from Patrick]
Patrick: Uhh, let’s see, uh… how many calories are in the Double Krabby Patty?
Squidward: Patrick, you’ve been here like a million times. How in the hell do you not know what’s on the menu?
Patrick: I don’t pay attention to what I eat! I just eat it. For example…
[Patrick takes Squidward’s nose and chews on it, causing Squidward to freak out and squirt ink into Patrick’s mouth]
Squidward: What’s wrong with you?
Patrick: Wow! Filling. Thanks, Squidward! Now I don’t have to buy anything!
[cuts to Eugene in his office, counting his money. He overhears the conversation and barges through his door.]
Eugene: WOAH! You two are making me lose money! Patrick, go and buy a delic-er-ious Krabby Patty before I go shove my claw up your arse!
[Patrick sighs]
Patrick: [singing tone] Lemme get that… lemme get that… Double Seaweed Deluxe! [starts snapping his fingers] Deluxe! Deluxe! Deluxe! Deluxe! Deluxe! Lemme get that-get that-get that Double Double Double Sea-weeeed DELUXE! DELUXE!
[Squidward starts rapping, interrupting him]
Squidward: Yuh! Double Seaweed Deluxe, ey! It’s gon’ cost a lot of bucks, ey! I don’t ever give a- [snaps back to normal] Shut up, Patrick! Order your food like a normal person next time. Alright, that will be $11.99.
Patrick: Oh boy! [checks pockets] Uh… Squidward? Do you still take rocks?
Squidward: We never did, never will.
Patrick: Aw, damn.
[SpongeBob peaks from the kitchen to see a ravenous Patrick]
SpongeBob: Don’t worry, Patrick! I’ll make it on the house.
Patrick: Oh, really! Thanks SpongeBob. I’ll show you my appreciation tonight!
SpongeBob: PATRICK! I’m not gay!
Patrick: Oh… right.
[Squidward’s listening to the whole thing and seems to be pouting with his nose drooping down]
SpongeBob: Alright, Pat! Time to make you a Doub-doub-double-double Seaweed DELUXE! DELUXE! DEL-
Squidward: ALRIGHT! THAT’S IT!
[runs into Eugene’s office]
Eugene: Ah, Mr. Squidward! Yeah, I know how the episode goes. You’re gonna quit your job so you can go fulfill your dream of being an art teacher, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Squidward: Hey, that doesn’t sound half bad. But that’s not it. I’m taking my break. See you in a week. [about to walk out of the office as Eugene tries to persuade him]
Eugene: Squidward, what’s so bad about working here? [SpongeBob barges in]
SpongeBob: It’s the best place in Bikini Bottom! [Squidward punches SpongeBob in face, knocking him out. It then shows a shot of SpongeBob on the ground]
Squidward: That yellow bastard, that pink bastard that comes everyday, and you, the red bastard. [walks out] See you later.
Eugene: Hm… I see. [walks out of office] Patrick!
Patrick: Yeah?
Eugene: You’ll be taking the register while Squidward is gone. 15 cents an hour.
Patrick: Do I eat for free?
Eugene: No.
Patrick: Eh… alright. But only because I get to eat for free. [grabs Krabby Patty from tray SpongeBob is holding, causing Eugene to sneer at him. Cuts to Squidward at his house holding a brochure.]
Squidward: Alright, let’s see what we have here. [starts reading the brochure titled “Enchanted Island Adventures.”] Hm… interesting. [reads out loud] A stranded island 30 miles off the coast of Bikini Bottom, has a free cocktail bar… I DON’T EVEN NEED TO READ THE REST! I NEED SOME ALCOHOL! [dials number] Hey hey, I’d like to go on the island getaway.
Operator: Sure thing. We’ve been waiting for you to call, Mr. Tentacles.
Squidward: Huh?
Operator: Oh, uh, nothing. [scribbles notes on a piece of paper and hangs up]
[cuts with a lei background to the next scene, which shows Squidward about to board the cruise ship to the island. Squidward takes his suitcases stands next to everyone else]
Ticket Booth Operator: Hello, welcome to Enchanted Island Adventures. I’m… uh... Randy.
Crowd: No one cares, just let us on! We have stuff to do, just like you!
Randy: Right, okay. Well, all aboard. [gives everyone a ticket to get on the ship, as well as checking everyone’s suitcase. He stops Sheldon from getting on, who is right in front of Squidward.] Sorry, sir, no weapons on the ship.
Sheldon: Really? Why not?
Randy: No one here has insurance. So just, uh, give me that gun.
Sheldon: Fine. [hands gun over and hops on. Squidward also boards the ship as it sets sail. Randy waves as the ship moves off-screen, but then he looks both ways and rips his suit off to reveal Sandy was in the uniform the whole time. She grabs her lasso from her pocket and swings it over to the ship, entering the cabin from the side. Cuts to Squidward on the ship, enjoying a Sex on the Beach while getting his feet rubbed]
Squidward: Oh yeah… [takes a sip] Wait, this isn’t a foot fetish film. [stares at 4th wall] Just cut to the island already, goddamnit!
Narrator: 1 hour later…
[shows Squidward asleep on a lounge chair while the other people on the ship walk back and forth. It cuts to the captain pulling up a microphone that alerts everyone in the ship.]
Captain: Testing, testing, 1 2 3! Hey y’all, it’s your captain speaking, and we are approaching our destination. I hope you all have a great stay with Enchanted Island Adventures.
[pulls into a docking slip next to the island. It cuts to a few areas of the island, including a casino, a bar, a waterfall, and a sauna. Everyone gets off the ship, making their way to the center of their island. As the captain waves towards everyone venturing off, he quickly glances around and rips off his body suit, where it reveals that it’s actually Larry the Lobster. He quickly jumps out onto the dock, hiding behind a pole as Squidward continues to move forward.]
Squidward: The scenery is marvelous. How could it get any better!
[two islanders approach Squidward]
Islander #1: Greetings, Cephalopod. Welcome to our enchanted island.
[the islanders wrap a Hawaiin shirt around Squidward, put a hat and sunglasses on him, and put a coconut drink in his hands. While everyone else is making their way over, the two islanders escort Squidward through the pathways which are suspended above waterfalls and fountains.]
Squidward: Ah yes, spirits are high here. Squiddy boy, you made an EXCELLENT choice coming here. This is a much better spending of your time than working at that piece of grease with that yellow weirdo. [shows the two islanders glancing at each other but shrugging it off]
[Squidward, the two escorters, and everyone else on the ship make their way over to the center of the island where there is a large circle between a few sanctuaries. Everyone makes their way to the bleachers that surround the circle, except for Squidward, who is still bound by the two escorters. Suddenly, the fiery circle rises, revealing to be a platform with someone who seems to be the island owner on top. He spreads his arms apart as the circle finally boosts to the very top.]
Everyone: Ooooooohhhhh….
Squidward: Hm, perhaps this is the enchanted part of the adventure.
Island Owner: [opens eyes, preaches loudly] Welcome islanders, and I hope you are all ready for the enchanted experience!
Squidward: I know I am!
Island Owner: [notices Squidward] Oh! There he is! [lowers platform back to the bottom, walking over to Squidward] Okay, everyone else, scram! Go back to wherever! Run along! [walk away in disgust]
Islander #2: Here you go, sir.
Island Owner: You boys did well. Come here, Octopus. [puts Squidward on a leash as he walks him over to a sanctuary. However, once they get off the screen, the two escorters rip their clothing to reveal themselves as SpongeBob and Patrick. They the run over to the hut that the owner and Squidward are at. The owner unhooks Squidward and pushes him over to a bench. Squidward whimpers in fear the whole time.]
Squidward: What’s going on?
Owner: I’ll tell you what’s going on. [rips off clothing to reveal him being Eugene] We’re getting you back home!
Squidward: [eyes drop] WHAT?! HOW?!
Eugene: Quite simple. Come in! [snaps finger as Sandy, Larry, SpongeBob, and Patrick make their way in]
Sandy: I took your ticket.
Larry: I drove you over.
SpongeBob: I pampered you up.
Patrick: I took a shit in your sink!
Squidward: PATRICK, DO IT IN YOUR OWN SINK!
Patrick: Overflowed.
Squidward: [looks over to Eugene] Mr. Krabs, you mean to tell me that this brochure you gave to me was just a way for you to get me out of my break?
Eugene: Well, uh, sure, but when you put it like that it doesn’t sound as good.
Squidward: Screw you all. I’m going outside to enjoy my break. [marches out of the hut as the other 5 just look at him. Cuts to Squidward outside.] Ah, beautiful. Enchanted, dare I say. [shots get fired behind Squidward, but he just jumps up in fear. Cuts to show Sheldon holding the gun that Sandy took from him earlier]
Sheldon: Big mistake coming on this ride, was it Squidward?
Squidward: [sweating] Actually, it was a mistake, but for a different reason. You pose no threat to me.
Sheldon: SILENCE! [cocks gun as Squidward screams, going back into the hut] You can frig off, but you can’t frig in. [the rest of the people on the shil who Eugene yelled at are now surrounding the hut with Sheldon]
Eugene: What happened!
Squidward: We uh, have a little problem. I mean, a LITTLE problem. Sandy, remember when you took Plankton’s gun?
Sandy: Yeah, why?
Squidward: Well he’s here… and he has the gun… and he’s going to kill all of us.
Eugene: That little bastard… well, let’s just sneak our way out of here. Through the ground! [grabs shovel and proceeds to dig.]
Narrator: Two hours later…
[shows Eugene done digging]
Eugene: Here! [everyone slides up with Squidward being the last one. One of Plankton’s army members spot the six of them fleeing the scene]
Damn Fool (idk what to name him, deal with it): Sir, they’re trying to escape!
Sheldon: I see… ATTACK! [the army sprints after the six, slowly gaining ground on them]
Larry: Agh! What do we do?
SpongeBob: Look! A helicopter! [cuts to chopper sitting on helipad]
Sandy: And it runs on acorns! [whips out bags] I’ve got a lot of those?
Patrick: You’ve also got a lot of milk, hehe. [everyone looks at Patrick with a disturbed face as they finally make it to the helicopter. However, Squidward stops running and stands in the middle of the terrain, thinking.]
Squidward: Hey, wait a second… maybe all they want is a vacation… that’s all I want too! [runs towards mob] Hey guys, I’m on your side now!
Sheldon: Heh, I knew you’d come to your senses, Squidward. [tosses him a gun as Squidward redirects back towards the five damn fools. Sandy is pouring acorns into the gas tank.]
SpongeBob: Faster, Sandy!
Sandy: Almost.. done!
Eugene: Hop on! [everyone makes their way into the chopper as Eugene tries to hover it, but in an anticlimactic scene, Squidward and Plankton each shoot at it, causing it to crash into a nearby hill. Eugene pops out, rubbing his head but slowly realizing that Squidward betrayed him.] SQUIDWARD! What is the meaning of this?
Sheldon: Oh, don't worry about him. Worry about yourselves… slaves.
SpongeBob: What do you want?
Sheldon: Oh, just a few demands…
Narrator: 24 hours later…
[shows all of Sheldon’s mob members enjoying themselves on the island - getting messages, gambling, smoking weed, and soaking in a hot tub. Then cuts to Sheldon and Squidward who are in adjacent lounge chairs tanning.]
Squidward: Man, Sheldon, you sure no how to get what you want.
Sheldon: Yeah, just imagine if I could get the formula.
Squidward: Yoohoo, slaves! Fill us up! [Squidward and Sheldon hold out their glasses as Sandy and Larry fill them up. Also shows SpongeBob and Patrick giving pedicures to the two of them.]
Sandy: There you go, your majesty.
Sheldon: Perfect. [calls Eugene over] Hey, Krabs! Get your red ass over here! [Eugene, who was giving a massage to another islander, comes over to Sheldon who grins while opening up.]
Eugene: [defeated] What?
Sheldon: How about you rid Squidward’s back of his nasty barnacles? [Squidward removes towel to show his bumpy back, to which Eugene shrieks in fear]
Eugene: Ugh!! No way.
Squidward: You know, Krabs, that was a fantastic plan you set up for me. You know that, right?
Eugene: Fine… [cracks Squidward’s back of barnacles]
[zooms out, showing a glorified scene of the island as tiki music plays, ending the episode.]
==Trivia==
*This episode came in second place for Round 1.
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