If I Hadn't Forgotten...

If I Hadn't Forgotten... is the sixth episode of the fifth season and the 82nd overall episode of Private Practice.
==Short Summary==
Charlotte's painful memories of a horrible tragedy are triggered as Amelia continues her downward spiral. Addison takes one step closer to motherhood when she finally chooses a sperm donor. Cooper faces a difficult decision when he realizes his patient's parents have been drugging their son in an effort to control his supposed ADHD and Pete's trust issues prevent him from repairing his fragile relationship with Violet.
==Full Summary==
Addison tells her therapist she's got a song stuck in her head. She's looking for a sperm donor and read dozens of files, so you'd think she'd dream about that instead of a song. Her therapist asks her to sing the song, but Addison says she doesn't sing. He says he just doesn't judge. Addison then starts singing. It's a song about letting someone that trusts you fall. Her therapists asks who she let fall. He suggests her ex-husband, because she's moving forward with her life and that sometimes makes people look back. She says she's not looking back, it's just a song. He says it's never just a song.
Amelia wakes up naked with a man next to her. She takes a look at the clock and tries to wake him up. She says she's really sorry, because if he's as hungover as she is, it sucks to wake up this early, but she's got to get to work, which means he's got to go. Now. They get up.
In Cooper's office, a boy is playing with a Ferrari and talking about it. His mother asks him to go to the waiting room so they can talk to the doctor. The boy leaves. Cooper says their kid sure is active, but the tests don't indicate a physical cause for hyperactivity. Rosie, the mother, asks if it's ADHD then, like her other son Brian. Cooper says it could be. Brian's an old patient of Cooper's and he's happy to hear that Brian's in college. Rosie says that if Ollie has ADHD too, they want to treat it as early and aggressively as possible. Cooper says it didn't sound like Ollie had trouble focusing and being hyper isn't necessarily a bad thing. However, ADHD runs in the family and the meds really helped Brian. Cooper doesn't want to jump the gun, but there are other tests they can run. His associate, a therapist, will see them.
Sam walks into Addison's office. She thinks she has it boiled down to the classical musician and the geologist. Sam says they're soft and says she should pick a donor with more testosterone. Addison says she's already thrown out 48 donors based on medical history alone. Sam says she's going to be an amazing mother, but without a dad it's going to be soft already, so a donor with lots of testosterone can compensate. Addison reminds herself of the small odds of success and says she doesn't even know what she's doing here. Sam massages her and says she always gets what she wants, so she can make this happen.
Sheldon is talking to Ollie, with his parents by his side. Sheldon asks about his grades. Ollie says his grades are bad. He got a B in English. Sheldon asks if a B is bad. Rosie tells Ollie to tell Sheldon how hard it is to finish his homework. Ollie says they always have to help him because it takes too long to do it on his own. Rosie says he can't sit still during reading time at school. Sheldon wants to talk to Ollie privately. The parents wonder why that's necessary as Ollie's perfectly well-adjusted, aside from being hyperactive. Sheldon says it would help to assess him, but the parents don't want to leave their son alone with him. Sheldon wants to schedule an appointment for diagnostic tests, and asks for Ollie's teacher's contact information so they can arrange to have her complete diagnostic inventories. Rosie says they didn't have to go through that when Brian was diagnosed, but Sheldon says the approach has changed in the last decade. Prescribing a drug for a kid shouldn't be taken lightly. Rosie gets up and says they'll be finding another doctor, because she thinks Sheldon's too condescending.
Violet meets up with her lawyer, who's got great news for her. The board has agreed to revisit her case. That means they have convinced them that suspending her for a year was not in the best interest of her patients. It means they have a shot at getting her back to work. Violet hugs him and thanks him.
At the hospital, Amelia enters Charlotte's office. Charlotte says she's late. Amelia says she's not feeling well. Amelia does the breathalyzer test. It's negative. Charlotte heard about Michelle and says she's very sorry about her loss, but it's not an excuse for her to drop her ball at work. If she needs a leave of absence, all she needs to do is ask. Amelia says all she needs is for Charlotte to get off her back, because babysitting her has become Charlotte's hobby. Amelia asks her what her problem is. Charlotte's mind drifts off to the past.
Charlotte comes home to find her husband in bed with another woman. Charlotte starts fighting her and her husband. The woman smashes a vase on her head and Charlotte looses consciousness.
Cooper and Sheldon are talking about Ollie's family. Cooper was looking for a second opinion about the meds, not judgment about how the parents are raising their kids. Rosie is a tiger mom, but that's not uncommon. Sheldon doesn't think Ollie seemed unable to focus and his answers seemed coached. The whole thing was odd. Pete overhears them and says the diagnosis of ADHD is epidemic. Cooper says that doesn't mean it's not real for Ollie. Pete says that may as well be because of sugars, so they should look at diet and exercise first. Sheldon says the ADHD drugs should only be used in clear-cut cases. Pete says that if the parents are indeed coaching, it's child abuse. Addison comes in and says she needs them to help her choose a donor.
Back in her office, they're looking at the files Addison has put on a board. Jake joins them. Cooper would pick the historian, because he's Greek. Greeks have good genes because they never have sunburn. Addison decides to take down the Swede. Pete votes against the PhD guy, because he's too intellectual for Addison, who's more fun-loving. Sheldon thinks he's talking in metaphors for his wife. Addison urges them to focus. They discuss the pro-athlete, and Addison ends up wondering where the women are. Jake says she's overthinking it. Women get pregnant every day, like Erica. The guys all give Addison a different opinion and walk out. Jake says she should only focus on the love she's got to give. The sperm is just sperm.
Amelia comes home and sees the guy from this morning is still sitting on the deck. She goes to get him to leave. He says her kicking him out this morning was strangely charming. He was hoping to get her phone number and he's sure he left his wallet inside. He introduces himself as Ryan Kerrigan. She introduces herself too and they start kissing. She walks back inside as she takes off her shirt. She unhooks her bra and asks if he's coming.
Cooper leaves the practice, only to find Rosie and Vick struggling to calm down Ollie. Ollie slaps his father and yells he doesn't want another doctor. Rosie asks Cooper if he wants to give them that prescription now.
Amelia and Ryan are in bed, complementing each other. Amelia asks where they met last night, as she has zero memory. Ryan takes pills out of his pocket and says that's what happens if you mix those with booze. Amelia can't believe he hid them for so long. He asks if she remembers his name. She does. He says she passed the test and asks if she's got a razor blade, because the pills are better if they chop them up. Amelia leaves to get one.
Cooper is apologizing to Ollie's parents. Rosie says what happened was just mild. Cooper asks if Ollie's getting a lot of sugar, as it could cause him to be this active. Ollie says he doesn't want to eat much anymore because the medicine makes him not hungry anymore. Cooper wonders what medicine. Vick sends Ollie to the waiting room and Rosie explains they tried if Brian's medications also works for Ollie. Cooper explains that if Ollie's brain is normal, so giving him unprescribed amphetamines is like giving him speed. Rosie says they need the diagnosis so Ollie can get more time for his tests. Brian only became a straight A student after the diagnosis. Cooper says Ollie is just in third greed. Rosie is really stressed to make sure Ollie can get into a good high school for a good college. Cooper says it's wrong to cheap the school system, and certainly this way. Rosie tells him not to judge them, because Ollie's report card is much more than that: it shows them his future.
In an exam room, Addison says it's a strange decision to choose a sperm donor. The whole idea is a little disturbing. Jake is done checking and he has good news: Addison has 4 eggs, which is great for her age. Jake has to pick those eggs right away. Then she can choose a donor, and he'll contact his friend at the sperm bank for same-day delivery. They'll fertilize the eggs today.
Cooper is talking to Charlotte about Ollie's case. She says these meds aren't toys. She advises him to call the police, but Cooper doesn't think Ollie belongs in the foster system. A neuro fellow comes over to talk to Charlotte. One of Amelia's patients has a pre-op complication and they may require immediate surgery, but Amelia went home sick. Charlotte didn't know that. The fellow tried to call her like she told him to, but she's not answering and he's unsure what the protocol is. Charlotte tells him to book an OR just in case while she goes to find Amelia.
In the past, Charlotte is in the ER getting stitches. She's claimed she hit her head on a cabinet. Her husband must have called the ambulance. Dr. Anderson wonders where he is now. She dodges the doctor's questions. She has a concussion. Rest is her best bed. She doesn't need to stay in the hospital as long as her husband's there to watch over her. Charlotte asks the doctor to write her something for the pain. He gives her a prescription.
All phones in Amelia's house are ringing, but she and Ryan are high as kites in bed.
Sam comes in to sit with Addison as Jake's about to begin. Addison's already out. Jake tells him they got 4 eggs. Sam says that's great. Jake says it's always half way with the two of them. He comes to hold her hand, but not until she's passed him. He's staying with her, but he doesn't want to parent with her. It's a strange plan. Sam assures him he loves her. He thinks they can make it work. It's not half way, but Jake still thinks it is.
Pete tells Sheldon he's worried about his marriage. Sheldon is worried about Amelia. She's been hiding since Michelle died. He thinks about her all the time and he hasn't heard from her. Sheldon doesn't know what he is to her, a colleague or just a friend. He's sure Amelia doesn't spend her day thinking about him. Now it's Pete's turn. Pete tried to remember all the reasons he married Violet, but he feels like he doesn't trust her and he doesn't know how to talk about it because it'll all seem like an accusation. Sheldon simply says that sucks.
Dr. Barksdale finds Charlotte and tells her that the patient's pituitary adenoma is bleeding. The optical nerve will die if it's compressed too long. They have 30 minutes to save her. He's never done the surgery, only watched Shepherd do it. Charlotte tells him to get scrubbed and be on stand-by.
In a flashback, Charlotte goes to ask Dr. Anderson in the ER for more pain meds, but he says it's been months. It's been too long, but she assures him she needs it. He says he'll write her something lighter. She says she knows what's best for her. She knows it's addictive and asks if she looks like an addict to her, or a person who shows up to do her job despite the staggering headache. She pretends she bumped into the cabinet again last night and asks again for the prescription as it's the only thing she can't do for herself. Anderson breaks and gives her the prescription.
That night, Charlotte is driving home through the rain, struggling to stay awake. She eventually dozes off, and her car sways into the other lane. A car approaching honks, but Charlotte only wakes up after the car's had to dodge her and crashes. Charlotte quickly stops and runs to the vehicle. The driver has flown through the windshield. Charlotte starts performing CPR and begs the woman to live.
Violet is going over her past cases with her attorney. The attorney says he has enough. He has a veritable amount to proof her patients are suffering because of the abrupt end to their treatment, so even a bad attorney could make a case. He's not a bad attorney. He flirtingly offers to buy her dinner. Violet says she's married.
Charlotte finds Dr. Barkdale, who's really nervous because they have to act now. Charlotte calmly tells him to save the woman's life first and her vision second. She tells him to be more confident than he's showing her now. He's trained for this.
Charlotte's in the ER, where Anderson has just pronounced the woman dead. He says sorry to Charlotte, who refuses to let him check her out. She claims she wasn't in the accident. She starts walking off as Anderson says she's in shock. Charlotte keeps stammering it's not her blood but the woman's, while Anderson says the woman was driving too fast and not wearing a seatbelt. Charlotte leaves the ER.
Cooper is at Erica's. She tells him Mason is pouting behind closed doors. She gave him 15 minutes to do that, but they're almost up. He's upset about a B+. Cooper recognizes the feeling of wanting to get straight A's. After 15 minutes, Erica force feeds him ice cream and tickles him. She calls the time's up and he exits his room. Cooper greets him and Mason asks him if he saw the test. Mason asks if he thinks he's stupid. Cooper says no, he says long division is stupid. Mason smiles and Erica's happy to see a smile without tickling. Cooper then starts tickling him.
Addison wakes up with Sam by her side. He asks if she's chosen yet. He's sorry about this morning. There's nothing wrong with being a geologist or a musician. Addison starts crying. She did this to herself by cheating. She put herself in a position where she's picking a total stranger to impregnate her. Sam asks her to tell him what she thinks of him. She says he's really kind and generous. He does anything for anyone and he's loyal. He's also funny and warm and calm when everyone else is frantic and scared. He's rational and centered and smart and wise, which are not the same. He's just good. He thanks her. At the risk of sounding arrogant, he thinks she's right. He also kissed his ex-wife when she was at her mother's funeral. It's a rigid thing. He's that too. Everybody's not just one thing. Everybody's light and dark together, and she's no exception. She's beautiful and smart and sexy and kind and warm and unbelievably loving. The cheating doesn't mean she should punish herself, it just means she's normal. It means she's imperfect, like him. He advises her to go with the musician because they all could use a little more music in their lives.
Amelia and Ryan are making out in bed. He's out of pills. Amelia mentions she's a doctor. She takes out her prescription pad and writes him a prescription, and adds there's an all night pharmacy right around the corner. He says he thinks she's in love and kisses her.
Cooper is at the Grahams' house and Ollie opens the door for him. Rosie appears behind him and she tells Ollie to go to his room. Cooper says it's child abuse. Not just the pills, but also the pressure she puts on his shoulders. Cooper looks at his son and he wants to right every wrong that'll ever come, but that's not what she's doing. People who hit their kids also think they're doing that in the kid's best interest. Ollie overhears Cooper saying that kids can't be afraid to fail because that's how people learn. Setting standards this high is wrong. Ollie smiles as he hears this from his bedroom. Cooper says Rosie has to bring in Ollie for a monthly check-up. He can't control what she puts in his mind, but he can control what she puts in his body and if he finds any more meds, he'll skip child protective services and call straight to the police.
Charlotte is knocking on Amelia's door and goes to the back door when she doesn't answer. She can see Amelia sitting on the couch, but Amelia yells to go away. Charlotte says she's taking pills, that's why she's blowing clean. Amelia says this is harassment. Charlotte tells her about her patient and that she nearly died all because she called in sick. Charlotte says she doesn't look sick. She looks high. Ryan then arrives with the pills and goes inside. Charlotte starts giving her speech, but Amelia tells her to save it. She says she quits and closes the door on her.
Violet comes home to Pete. Lucas is asleep already. Violet says she was with her lawyer and that there's a good chance she'll get to go back to work soon. She knows he's having trouble trusting her, and she knows that part of that is maternal projection but... Pete cuts her off and says he's sick and tired of hearing her out and being analyzed. He's sick of being lectured. He hates this. He gets up and leaves.
Charlotte climbs into bed with Cooper. Her day ended on a pretty sad note. His did too. She's grateful that she has him to come home to. They kiss.
Jake and Addison are looking at Addison's egg through a microscope. He takes the musician's sperm and he fertilizes the egg. They'll have to let it grow for three days and then they'll implant the eggs. She's really happy. Jake is, too.
Addison is in her therapist's office. She says Sam cheated on her. It makes her feel free. Sam did a terrible thing, but she still loves him. She doesn't think he's awful. He's a good person who made a mistake. She doesn't think he needs to be punished. He probably punished himself plenty. Also, he was right. The song wasn't just a song in her head. She was still punishing herself, and now that song isn't in her head anymore.
==Cast==
PP5x06AddisonMontgomery.png|Addison Montgomery
PP5x06PeteWilder.png|Pete Wilder
PP5x06JakeReilly.png|Jake Reilly
PP5x06CooperFreedman.png|Cooper Freedman
PP5x06CharlotteKing.png|Charlotte King
PP5x06SheldonWallace.png|Sheldon Wallace
PP5x06AmeliaShepherd.png|Amelia Shepherd
PP5x06SamBennett.png|Sam Bennett
PP5x06VioletTurner.png|Violet Turner
PP5x06EricaWarner.png|Erica Warner
PP5x06RosieGraham.png|Rosie Graham
PP5x06RyanKerrigan.png|Ryan Kerrigan
PP5x06BillyDouglas.png|Billy Douglas
PP5x06JasonDupree.png|Jason Dupree
PP5x06DrBarksdale.png|Dr. Barksdale
PP5x06Anderson.png|Anderson
PP5x06Therapist.png|Therapist
PP5x06MasonWarner.png|Mason Warner
PP5x06VickGraham.png|Vick Graham
PP5x06BillyDouglas.png|Tiffany (right)
PP5x06OllieGraham.png|Ollie Graham
===Main Cast===
*Kate Walsh as Dr. Addison Montgomery
*Tim Daly as Dr. Pete Wilder
*Benjamin Bratt as Dr. Jake Reilly
*Paul Adelstein as Dr. Cooper Freedman
*KaDee Strickland as Dr. Charlotte King
*Brian Benben as Dr. Sheldon Wallace
*Caterina Scorsone as Dr. Amelia Shepherd
*Taye Diggs as Dr. Sam Bennett
*Amy Brenneman as Dr. Violet Turner
===Guest Stars===
*A.J. Langer as Erica Warner
*Jessica Tuck as Rosie Graham
*Wes Brown as Ryan Kerrigan
*Myk Watford as Billy Douglas
*Paul Cassell as Jason Dupree
*Sachin Bhatt as Dr. Barksdale
*David Lengel as Anderson
===Co-Starring===
*Scott Alan Smith as Therapist
*Griffin Gluck as Mason Warner
*Paul Clausen as Vick Graham
*Rachel Sterling as Tiffany
*Raymond Ochoa as Ollie Graham
==Medical Notes==
===Addison Forbes Montgomery===
*Diagnosis:
*Doctors:
**Therapist
**Jake Reilly (reproductive endocrinologist)
*Treatment:
**Talk therapy
**Egg retrieval
Addison spoke to her therapist about a song she had stuck in her head. She also had to choose a sperm donor for her IVF. Jake did the egg retrieval and harvested four healthy eggs. Addison later watched as Jake fertilized one of her eggs. She later spoke to her therapist about how Sam did a horrible thing and she still loves him, making her feel more lovable.
===Ollie Graham===
*Diagnosis:
*Doctors:
**Cooper Freedman (pediatrician)
**Sheldon Wallace (psychiatrist)
*Treatment:
Ollie, 8, was brought by his parents to see Cooper. Ollie's parents believed he was hyperactive like his older brother, but Cooper said he seemed a little hyper, but normal for his age. To placate them, Cooper said they could run more tests and referred them to Sheldon. Sheldon spoke to him and said they could run some diagnostic tests. They said they didn't have to go through that with their older son and left, saying they'd find a new doctor. Sheldon shared his suspicions that they were seeking drugs Ollie didn't need. Cooper later witnessed Ollie hitting his father and had to restrain him. When talked to Ollie and his parents inside the practice, he told Cooper the pills made him not hungry anymore. His parents admitted that they'd been giving him his brother's medication. They believed he needed the meds so he could get extra time on his tests and perform better. Cooper later confronted them, saying it's child abuse and he would continue to monitor Ollie with blood tests and if they continued to give him the amphetamines, he'd contact the authorities.
===Kelly Garrity===
*Diagnosis:
**Pituitary adenoma
*Doctors:
**Amelia Shepherd (neurosurgeon)
**Dr. Barksdale (neurosurgery resident)
*Treatment:
**Surgery
Kelly was a patient of Amelia Shepherd. She was showing signs that she might have pituitary apoplexy, which would mean she'd need emergency surgery, but Amelia had called in sick. Charlotte told Dr. Barksdale to book an OR just in case they needed it and said she'd find Amelia. He later came to Charlotte and said her pituitary adenoma was bleeding and she was at risk for permanent blindness. Charlotte told him to get scrubbed and get ready to operate in case she couldn't find Amelia in time. He later had to operate because Amelia didn't respond to her pages.
===Charlotte King===
*Diagnosis:
**Scalp laceration
**Concussion
**Drug addiction
*Doctors:
**Anderson (ER doctor)
*Treatment:
**Pain medication
Charlotte was shown in flashbacks being treated for a scalp laceration. She also had a concussion. The doctor gave her a prescription for pain medication. Months later, she was still claiming pain in order to get more meds because she'd become addicted to them.
===Woman===
*Diagnosis:
**Car accident injuries
*Doctors:
**Charlotte King (urologist)
**Anderson (ER doctor)
*Treatment:
**Attempted resuscitation
Charlotte caused a car accident. The woman in the other car was ejected from the vehicle. She attempted resuscitation, but the woman was pronounced dead in the ER
==Music==
Song 	Performer 	Scene
"Sleeping Giant" 	Bootstraps 	
*In a flashback, Charlotte falls asleep behind the wheel and causes an accident.
"Where You Are" 	Lonesome Animals	
*Cooper and Erica tickle Mason.
*Sam makes Addison realize that one's bad side doesn't outweigh all your positive traits.
"If I Hadn't Forgotten"	Keaton Simons 	
*Amelia quits and shuts out Charlotte.
*Violet analyzes Pete, who's sick of it.
*Cooper and Charlotte talk about their day.
*Jake fertilizes Addison's egg.
*Addison tells her therapist she still loves Sam, despite him kissing Naomi when they were together.
*The song in her head was her punishing herself, and it's gone.
"Sleeping Giant" - Bootstraps
"Where You Are" - Lonesome Animals
"If I Hadn't Forgotten" - Keaton Simons
==Notes and Trivia==
right|300 px
*This episode scored 6.56 million viewers.https://web.archive.org/web/20120618171211/http://tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com/2011/11/04/thursday-final-ratings-big-bang-theory-the-x-factor-parks-recreation-the-office-vampire-diaries-greys-anatomy-adjusted-up/109650/
==Gallery==
===Episode Stills===
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==Quotes==
:Jake: What is this? Fantasy football?
:Cooper: Fantasy sperm ball.
==See Also==
de:Licht und Schatten
Category:All Episodes
Category:PP Episodes
Category:PP S5 Episodes