Land of the Dead / The Silence of the Pigs

Land of the Dead / The Silence of the Pigs is the title of the episode in which Civvie reviews Land of the Dead, the tie-in video game to the George Romero film of the same name. It is the third episode of season zero, and is overall the third episode of Civvie's Dungeon.
== Synopsis ==
A possibly-deranged farmer makes his way through the zombie apocalypse to a city only traversable by sewer, only to become an off-screen minor villain in the backstory to nobody's favourite Romero zombie movie.
== Video ==
== Transcript (auto generated) ==
welcome to the dungeon this is
Sevilla Levin I love me some Romero
zombie movies I mean I really like
nightly living dad daughter dead and day
of the dead but George Romero father of
the modern interpretation zombies didn't
stop with three nearly perfect movies
full of gore and social commentary he
kept making more that nobody asked for
including diary of the dead survival of
the Dead conflict of the dead escape
from the Planet of the Dead
Black Friday of the Dead next Black
Friday of the Dead and also land of the
dead land of the Dead is probably the
best of these but it's not it's social
commentary is somehow less subtle than
daughter dead we don't negotiate with
terrorists see Johnny legs here is going
to blow up their big Tower world rich
people live Hoffman said that he doesn't
you know they want to do a jihad ahead
ask ok yeah
Ashley luckily the dead it's silly but
it doesn't take itself too seriously has
good gore likable enough characters and
performances I'm not here to hate on
George Romero I deeply love the man but
not even he is immune to the curse of
officially-licensed shovelware games so
we get land of the dead Road to
Fiddler's Green a prequel story to the
movie I'm going to let this game speak
for itself
[Music]
so you want to know how I got here
yeah I'll tell you my story it's okay I
really don't care I'm just here to shoot
zombies
I just finished feeding the hogs and the
power went out that happens from time to
time out here in the country
I tried calling The Electric Company but
the lines were dead I didn't think too
much of it at the time later that day I
noticed a stranger in my yard something
wasn't right with him the way he was
just standing there I think I'd rather
look around first maybe find some kind
of weapon since it's a foregone
conclusion that it's a zombie
you might notice how there's always huge
text on the screen that doesn't go away
hey [ __ ] let me go out there and
actually find out if that's a zombie
that's a situation right with comedic
possibilities okay sorry man you were
trying to knock I guess you want to come
in and have a cup of brains fine [ __ ]
you I'm gonna get liquored up and vote
for Donald Trump he'll take care of the
zombies he's very smart he's a good
businessman and I faith in his ability
to make great deal with zombies I'm sure
he'll give them a tax cut now we'll get
70% of the brains it's a smart deal talk
him down 30% make it look like you're
doing them a favor 3d chess my friends
okay we're jumping to kill The Strangers
I think that's what mr. Rogers taught us
okay I've done this plenty of times
before you got your rifle here he's
saved for the head to zombie you can't
lose BAM okay I guess I won't do it it's
only a 22 so shooting someone in the
head with it might not be fatal
okay so not two maybe three now takes
four shots to the head with this to
waste a zombie a [ __ ] zombie I'm
noticing that I don't have any food in
this house just empty beer bottles I
can't open the basement door okay fine
let me just okay I can't open the other
basement door now I run out of ammo
which the game seems to have anticipated
and I have to get to the shed to get my
other gun but I need the key to the shed
which is in my basement which has zombie
in it how is there a zombie and
there I can't get into the [ __ ]
basement from either interest how the
[ __ ] did he get in there yeah okay this
might be a little academic but I have to
talk about the house and the brilliant
way that brain box games establishes our
character through subtle and believable
hints about its life style told entirely
through the meson said this man's house
has lost power which he says is a common
occurrence his cabinets are completely
bare he sleeps in the upstairs hallway
and has a bottle of pills next to his
bed his library has very few books in it
and a toilet and a medicine cabinet with
five more bottles prescription pills
likely painkillers his bedroom also has
two small desks possibly meant for
children and two more cabinets with
books in them the only photo I can see
on the wall is of a cow he has broken
frigerator in his attic next to the case
where he keeps his rifle and there's
another child's desk in the corner he
doesn't keep a key to his basement or
shed on him instead keeping the shed key
in filing cabinet in the basement next
to some large empty shelving units it's
kind of look like refrigerators too he
keeps a magnum revolver in the shed
so he can gather that we have a man who
abuses both alcohol and prescription
painkillers who at some point ran kind
of school and the Attic was we're either
very good or the very bad kids went his
first instinct or possibly a command
from force only perceptible to the
barber himself is to kill strangers
monsters that appear outside his home
and it presumably killed the pigs he
claims to have which don't appear in the
game and are never referenced again as
he goes on his adventure which means
food for his pigs was not a concern now
you've got a zombie as in a reanimated
corpse coming out of the basement that
was locked at both entrances you have
what looks like a lot of refrigeration
equipment I think we know what's going
on here bad kids got fed to the pigs
we never go inside this other building
on his property that's where the pigs
must be and there must be food in there
for them that will last a while he just
got done feeding I just finished feeding
the Hogs when the power went out after
all this guy loves his animals but I
don't think he's too fond of people so I
get the gun from the shed which is
useful and can actually headshot
properly but ammo is a little scarce for
it so I'll use the hammer I found which
doesn't one hit but the alternate fire
will knock the zombies on their ass but
as they're getting up they don't take
damage only when they are completely
upright so no cheap shots while they're
down I can't Jeff we're doing Mario
rules in a zombie FPS game from 2005
sure I make sense
I killed the strangers it was them or me
the poor devils looked like a felon a
septic tank and festered for a few days
I had never killed no one before so I
sure was real spooked oh I bet you never
killed anyone
me either I decided to head over to my
neighbors across the cornfield yes the
cornfield Jesus you know this is unreal
Taksim is last time look at that fog
look at this entire bat made of [ __ ]
hay bales I really wanted to save ammo
so I just kept knocking them down
waiting knocking them down again these
zombies you can tell when you find will
kill them because they do the whole
early 2000s rag doll thing remember that
oh those were good times the AI in this
game is uh subpar and I mean subpar for
zombies I managed to get on top of one
of these bales of hay and I'm pretty
sure I could have stayed there forever
Zombies didn't even notice me I mean
there's this thing that was sold for
money this is like one of those steam
early access zombie games I don't have
any footage from one of those games
because I don't like flushing my money
down the toilet or accidentally getting
sued for fifteen million dollars by look
at this it's like my legs don't even
exist
zombies only see the head I think I
found a perfect defensible position to
survive the zombie apocalypse my
neighbors were dead I didn't know what
the heck was going on and I was scared
to death
for those of you tuning in this is not a
joke something has gone horribly
horribly wrong
dramatic gun [ __ ] is great but if you
really want to be intimidating in this
game you got to do it four times
I did with the man on the TV said and
stayed on the farm as long as I could
where did you get all those beans they
weren't there before I searched that
house really thoroughly and this bean
thing was really bothering me so I
restarted the game and went looking for
the beans and they're not in those
cabinets and also the cabinets don't
exist I think they cut the canned beans
mission out
luckily they kept the sewer level ends I
mean how else do you get to the hospital
ambulance roads the surface [ __ ]
amateur it's like my Uncle Frank used to
say you ain't livin unless you got [ __ ]
on your boots boy so yeah this is the
sewer level is so bland
so uninspired so [ __ ] dull that it is
a gold standard of terrible sewer levels
except that it is kind of fun to see the
zombies interact with water
I like this trick in games where you
think it's a corpse but it gets up and
attacks you this game likes it too so
much so that I'm going to have to start
counting them because they happen often
enough for it to be a problem so you go
through the sewers to get to the
hospital so you can find this guy a
doctor and since this game doesn't have
the budget for more voice actors the
farmer narrates the doctor and comfort
supplies a few days ago the men he was
with were murdered by those living dead
once the killing started he locked
himself in this room it kept him safe
but now he couldn't get out the doctor
said that if I went to the basement I
could open the door by flicking an
electrical switch down there what I love
about the switch hunting in this games
the switch themselves aren't even
animated they don't even do red light
green light they don't even move
not a single switch in this game
actually moves or does anything when you
interact with it outstanding switches
don't work but you could pick up any
goddamn phone in the game and hear a
dial tone that's the important thing
that's where the realism comes in I'm
going to give the game some credit the
body bags with zombies in them is a nice
touch I have a fire axe now which may be
the best melee weapon in the game you
know if the hit detection in this game
was worth a damn aim for the head right
well you're more likely to just annoy
the zombie or chop off one of their arms
I'm aiming for the head you clearly see
that you're trying to save ammo by
mailing a zombie but the game decides
nah man I'm just going to let the zombie
get a cheap hit in on you even though
you just put a fire axe through its face
this is a problem with the guns too and
it turns out that if you aim slightly to
the right of the head you're more likely
to get a head shot
that's funny to you I bet but I got to
play this [ __ ] I've had games do that
before but usually the character had to
be drunk or high or something which is
still a strong possibility we're eating
a lot of pills probably try to stave off
the DTS just to be clear it's a zombie
game where the zombies are extra stupid
and the historically foolproof method
killing zombies is completely broken
you might see some zombies carrying
weapons or tools and while a headshot is
lethal to an unarmed zombie you need to
put five or six shots into an armed
zombie because video games
the zombies alternate between being
strong enough to break down doors to
being strong enough to break down walls
in a game with such simple nope the
absolute simplest combat and enemy AI
you can aim for having it be so goddamn
inconsistent it's just it's I don't
understand why does it sound like the
zombies are ripping pieces of duct tape
off when they attack is that supposed to
be your clothes ripping it's really
distracting
aside from unarmed zombie and armed
zombie you will also face puke zombie
puke sabe is different because there's a
green cloud around them and they can
make your health bar go away and [ __ ] up
your vision so that's three enemy types
basically and that's it you want to know
what a boss looks like in this fan here
[Music]
you might not believe it but this game
has a stamina meter you can't see it but
it's there
when you sprint for a little while
you'll abruptly stop and the farmer will
make this noise like he's clutching his
chest about to have a [ __ ] heart
attack
I hate stamina limits in general but not
even having a little thing in the HUD to
tell you that your farmer couldn't
outrun a wild jim sterling just come the
[ __ ] on everything is wrong just
everything the music is a bunch of
terrible lazy loops that you could
probably find on a royalty-free site
somewhere inside the police station you
find Otis and Otis is well he's Otis and
he's in jail I assume he's a criminal
and you can't kill him I tried the game
doesn't like that I found out his name
so he isn't a stranger anymore
you might think I'm skipping over things
and I am but those things are just more
awful zombie combat and nothing else the
whole police station same old thing
occasionally broken up by the game
telling you to get keys and things Oh
toises sure glad to be free but what
would we do now the radio said there was
a safe house and an old theater nearby
we could go there but the city streets
were too dangerous to travel on foot my
new friend Otis had a plan
Otis had an 18-wheeler cab and the
impound lot he would get it and pick me
up and then we make for the theater my
job was to cover him from the roof oh
boy it's a sniper cover mission with an
AI partner what could possibly go wrong
in this game with already stellar AI and
hit detection besides everything you
would expect no wait first we have to go
get a sniper rifle from the police
armory but no first we have to get the
access code to it from the computer lab
upstairs a secure location where
something like that would obviously be
kept
Otis was ready to run to the truck I
didn't have many bullets in the sniper
rifle so I had to be careful I couldn't
let a single one of them get to him I
aim for the head like an idiot Otis even
though he has a magnum and can headshot
chooses not to now imagine the hackey
it's lazy a' staying this game could
possibly do go on you're never going to
guess because you my dear viewer and
only friend are not capable of knowing
what comes next
no van should be capable of knowing what
comes next Otis barely made it to his
truck when a bunch of them attacked I
saw him wave and yell something all I
caught was theater and then he drove
away I was alone again I had to find
another way to get to the theater it
wasn't too far but the streets were
crawling with the Living Dead I decided
to get there through the sewers
it's another sewer level one sewer level
is lazy two sewer levels is open
hostility and I would talk about what
happens in the sewer level but nothing
[ __ ] happens
[Music]
leader was barricaded like a fortress
but everyone was dead those things got
to them I needed to rest but first first
first first I had some business to deal
with the theater is supposed to be a
shelter right this is where we were
supposed to get to it's full of zombies
maybe they shouldn't keep all these dead
bodies in here you know I'm just saying
after you clear off the theater Otis
comes back in his truck oh he really
does carries a criminal with the heart
of gold
I asked Otis where we were going a
trucker on his CB radio told him about a
city of the Living completely surrounded
by water and walled off the most
creatures we had to find a way there our
best bet was to go by boat we headed for
the docks freedom was inside Otis would
go down and find a boat while I covered
him now I understand getting Otis to his
truck but now he's just kind of there
and you're protecting him so you can
both get to a boat but he's useless in
the context of this being a video game
this level isn't completely useless and
here's why it gives me a chance to
explain why the level design is so
[ __ ] bad most of this game is running
through corridors or sewers or alleyways
and trying to kill zombies but there's a
part in this level that I think best
exemplifies how the people making this
had no [ __ ] idea what they were doing
on one of the useless side quests that
Pat out the games running time you enter
a building and have to navigate around
broken staircases in order to get to the
roof because of the way it's in
organically shoved into this area
there's one path you can take to get to
the other side after your mission
objective is done you need to take that
path back but this time there are
zombies coming after you from the
opposite direction and so they have to
take the same route that you took to get
there and they do they just mark
single-file and I can just pick them off
long before they ever get to make this
isn't scary and then you finally go
outside and unlock it will stop
screaming it's out attacking me been
terrified and it won't [ __ ] die it's
always no I'd stayed a sniper rifle
bullet etc tooth for head and Magnum
took care of it [ __ ] I thought this game
might start getting scary we barely got
out of there alive it was like they knew
we were trying to get away I was
relieved but
Onis wasn't doing so good I could tell
they got to him is the fact that he's
covered in blood and bite marks could
something other than a zombie have done
that to him they got to me kill me
before I turn into one of them
what do you wait for do it do it now it
took a while but I finally made it to
the city of the living
people from the city were trying to get
supplies across the river but the
drawbridge wasn't working they asked me
for help and I had just couldn't say no
if you thought the sewer level was hacky
it's time for the turret section of
course this game has a turret section
and of course it [ __ ]
you don't have a crosshair and anything
you're firing at is obscured by the
muzzle flash and the hit detection is
already [ __ ] but this isn't the thing
that bothers me the most
this is did you catch it let's take a
closer look do you notice the zombies
coming up from the water the water that
surrounds the city and keeps the zombies
out a trucker on a CB radio told him
about a city of the Living completely
surrounded by water look at that I don't
need to blow the place out the [ __ ]
stench is did it for me this is a pretty
big plot point in the movie how the
zombies found out that they could do
this this game is a prequel in fact the
entire climax of the movie happens
because the dead finally cross the river
those cool shots to the dead rising out
of the water which were even used in the
trailer which even comes with this game
well these are the oh [ __ ] moments of
the movie but [ __ ] that we got a video
game to [ __ ] out and was ignoring the
minute the gate took me to meet an
important man named mr. Coughlin
mr. Kaufman was mighty impressed with
how I helped out the bridge he was so
impressed that he offered me a job on
the spot you see there was this big tall
skyscraper called Fiddler's Green filled
with fancy rich people apartments he
wanted to fix it up again but those
flesh eaters had infested it he said
that cleanup was almost done only a few
pockets of the things were left it
sounded dangerous but he gave me a nice
place to live and lots of money to do it
besides mr. Coughlin said that by doing
this I'd be helping out a lot of
people's good people just like me
so you're starting off at the garage
Fiddler's great clear it out then you
move to the tower itself which isn't
nearly as impressive as it was in the
movie and you end up back to where you
were in the opening cutscene a can clear
out one of the penthouses
and that's how I got from the farm to
the top of Fiddler's great inside the
city life went on
Kaufman opened his fancy Tower so I
guess farmers now one of the elite rich
people a Fiddler's Green that everyone
hates with sounded dangers but he gave
me a nice place to live and lots of
money to do it
okay I can see what's happening this is
a post Dombey apocalypse American dream
where you work hard for a wealthy
businessman and he in turn makes you
rich too and there are no repercussions
whatsoever oh and also you're a
drug-addled gun-toting lunatic I'm out
are we done oh thank [ __ ] that was only
like a four-hour game but when three
hours and 45 minutes of that is spent
trying to outsmart the broken hit
detection or get the AI to do something
funny you know it's a bad time I doubt
you'll ever even find this game let
alone play it but I hear there's an xbox
version and believe it or not there are
people playing it online right now don't
be those people
[Music]
you
[Music]
== Trivia ==
== Behind the Scenes ==
Category:Episodes
Category:Season 0