I Don't Give Two Skits

The sixth chapter of Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, posted on May 8, 2013. The infamous "Take a Skit" challenge returns with a vengeance.
==Story==
“Last time on Total Drama: Superstar Showdown, there was an action-packed episode filled with... uh, action! Yep. So, anyway, the Ralphcakes and the Citrus Fruits mixed up some members, when Helga and Julia went to the Ralphcakes and Nic and Veronica went to the Citrus Fruits! They fit in... kinda. Anyway, the challenge happened, and I reunited with my cousin, Red! Yes, he’s my cousin. No, we're not incestuous! What are you talking about?! And so the challenge happened, it was short and really weird. Hipsters told us poems, and we then made poems, but they weren’t really poems, more like crappy freestyle rap. Soooo, the Ralphcakes won. Is that a surprise, really? Nooooopeeee. Devin was voted out, after Layla decided she wanted Veronica to be her new Charles, and decided to eliminate anyone who got in her way! Evil chick, huh? Or just really likes moolah. I sure do, and I hope these guys who are competing do, because... Yep. So, today we’ve got more tricks in store! What will happen? Find out today, on Total... Drama... Superstar Showdown!”
The Citrus Fruits are shown returning from the elimination ceremony. “Night, guys,” Trick says. “I’m gonna go to bed.”
“No, you aren’t,” Layla says rudely. “You’re gonna scrub my fee... Oh, wait, I have Veronica for that. VERONICA! Get over here.”
“I’m going to the bathroom!” says a voice in the woods. “Can you wait like 10 seconds?”
“No! Hold it or something,” Layla says. “Get over here! My feet are crustier than Charles.”
“Ugh, Layla, do you really have to... You know, I’m done trying,” Estrella grunts, reading a book called Death Fairies: The Fairies of Death.
“Hey, that looks like an interesting book, doesn’t it? VERONICA! Read it for me,” Layla yells.
“Layla, I’m sorry,” Veronica finally comes over to them. “What exactly do you want me to do? Scrub your feet or read you that book? Or I could do both...”
“Yes, that would be the best option...” Layla says in a singsong voice.
Alex walks up to them. “Did I hear scrubbing feet? Oh, that sounds really nice right now.” He lies on the ground and takes his shoes off.
Veronica says in the confessional, “Layla is a meanie. I REALLY don’t like her. I take back everything I said about her being just misunderstood, because... it’s not true. She’s just a jerk!”
“Uh, do you guys have Fumblrs?” Chrissy tries to change the topic. “My boyfriend and I made one dedicated to Adolescent Giants. It’s pretty--”
“WAIT!” Nic appears. “Did I hear boyfriend? Oh, my darling, Abby does not approve.”
“Well, uh, if boyfriend can even be used as a word anymore,” Chrissy tries to explain. “We’re kind of casual. Nic, are you jealous?”
Nic tries to cover up his tears. “Nyet!” he says. “I am happy for you and your... boyfriend. No, I am not jealous. I’ll be right back... I must drown in my sorrow for approximately an hour.”
“What’s up with him?” Chrissy says, after Nic has left. “Not that I care, anyway,” she growls.
“You shouldn’t,” Estrella growls. “The kid is a perv. You deserve better. I don’t even like thinking about Julian.”
At the Hopalong Ralphcakes’ dorm, the contestants are chilling out and doing the semi-disturbing things they usually do.
“Hello, Saint Nicholas,” Arthur says, while on his laptop. “I’ve been meaning to ask, what is it like to live life while smelling like gopher brains?”
“Arthur... Leave me alone...” Trey says.
“You know, Art-doodle, maybe we should leave him alone...” Kavren says. He then whispers to Arthur, “And make fun of him behind his back instead. Hehe, hehe, hehe.” The two giggle obnoxiously.
Chelsey stomps out of the girls’ room, followed by Julia. “Will you quit yelling at me?!” Chelsey says. “All I said is that I don’t LISTEN to 1E. I never expressed any sorts of negative feelings about them. Except the Zane guy, he’s ugly. But that’s not the point.”
“Chelsey, it’s a freaking crime,” Julia says. “It’s punishable. Like, one time I took Tasia to their concert, and... I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Ooh, is that the story about the turkey?” Arthur says excitedly.
“ARTHUR, SHUT UP!” yells Julia. “You know nothing.”
“Oh. My. God,” Chelsey says, completely changing the subject and now on her phone. “EMZ is blogging about Snooki. Apparently she’s ENGAGED. To some douchey surfer dude. Ugh, Queen Snooki deserves better.”
“Queen Snooki? Ewwww. She’s so orange,” says Elena. The others look at Elena, and begin to laugh.
Puck is playing Call of Pooty: White Pops 2. “Whoa, dudes, anyone wanna play? This game is so sick! I’m trollin’ some ten year olds!” he yells, while pointing the controller at the TV screen violently.
“I would like to simulate that game in real life, only with a real gun, and with Puck as the target,” mutters a voice from the corner.
“You’re a weirdo, Wolfie!” says Puck, while playing. “But you’ve got spirit! Wanna play?”
“No,” Wolfgang says. “I’d rather hit myself in the head repeatedly with a ruler.”
“I can make that happen,” says Helga, taking out a bag with school supplies in it.
“Hehe. Wolfgang, that’s hilar,” Puck says, while laughing.
“NOBODY SAYS THAT,” Chelsey yells.
“Dolph said it back in TDRev,” Kavren recalls. “Spooky, huh?”
“That’s not spooky,” Arthur says. He then makes one of the most grotesque faces ever imaginable. “This is.”
“...Yep. That too,” Kavren says.
“Arthur, you seem like a pro at getting women,” Chelsey says sarcastically. “I’m sure the @#$%!es are ALL over you.”
“Actually, my dog Clarence just had puppies, and they enjoy climbing on me while I am asleep,” Arthur explains.
Flora and MacKenzie are drinking coffee. “You know, I can’t stand these people anymore,” MacKenzie says.
“Aww, don’t be silly, they’re not that bad,” Flora says.
“BLEEGLEFLEEGLE!” A scream is heard, and Puck is now hanging upside-down by the ceiling by a rope.
“No, but seriously, if we could form an alliance and eliminate these weirdos while trying to get to the final two, wouldn’t that be so cool?” MacKenzie chirps.
“Alliances? Who cares about that crap?” Wolfgang overhears their conversation. “You should know by now that 95% of the people on this freaking show don’t have a strategic bone in their bodies.”
“I actually have a strategic bone. It is my humerus,” Arthur says. “Haha. Isn’t that humorous? But yes, he frequently strategizes with me while I am attempting to tighten my peanuts. It gets old.”
“You know what else gets old?!” snaps Julia. “When you don’t SHUT UP. Seriously. Ughhhhh.”
“Leeyum’s ugly new haircut makes him look like GERecognize,” Arthur snickers. Julia gets even angrier.
“Okay, Julia, I’m sorry, and I never thought I would agree with him, but I kind of have to,” Helga says, while reading a book called Run The Flea.
“Helga, what the @#$%?! I thought you liked the guys, or at least Nile!” Julia snaps.
“...No,” Helga responds. “I don’t. At all. Who does?”
“Mary,” responds Kavren. Everyone looks at him.
“I don’t even know anymore,” Chelsey says, now on her laptop. “Kavren, you’re soooo unpopular.”
“I don’t even know anymore why you use the Internet. It sucks. All there is is a bunch of ugly twelve-year-old boys who think they’re playas but go on Chatrotate and see nothing but genitalia and old men, and annoying HeadNovel losers who post all that ‘Like if you like pancakes, ignore if you want to burn in Hell’ crap,” Wolfgang says.
“What are you talking about? I just check all the social networks that I have a combined amount of 1,000,000 followers on,” Chelsey explains. “The Internet is great.”
“For po--" Arthur begins in the corner. Chelsey throws her phone at him, and it hits him in the head.
Roz suddenly runs into the cabin. “Bonjour! Time for today’s challenge! KK, guys, follow me, hehe.”
The contestants follow Roz outside, where she leads them to the beach. “Sooo, any guesses on what the challenge is gonna be?”
“Let me guess,” Estrella says. “Some dude who you claim is a family member comes, you kiss, then he does a crappy job at making a challenge. Oh, and the Citrus Fruits lose.”
“Haha, nooo, that was last week,” Roz says. “...And that one time in Tokyo. But that was Chris’s fault, not mine. Anyway, I don’t actually know what the challenge is gonna be. Just hang tight for a moment.”
While she sits there, Layla takes her uPhone out and starts texting. Soon after, Chelsey does too, followed by Elena.
Layla purposely spits on her phone. “Veronica, clean that up,” she says, handing Veronica a tissue. Veronica reluctantly cleans up the spit.
“Oh lawd dat nasty,” says Kavren, looking at it.
“All righty, since I’m feeling really, really uncreative today, you guys are gonna do the Take A Skit challenge!” chirps Roz. “There’s props in your cabins, I’m pretty sure. Meet me at the camp amphitheater in like two hours, and we’ll judge your skits. Team with the better skit wins the challenge! OK, what are you waiting for? Get going!”
Arthur, Julia, Kavren, and the rest of the Ralphcakes are shown walking to their cabin. “Hey, guys,” Julia says, looking directly at the screen. “Don’t forget to follow me on Tweeter. I have better tweets than ANYONE here. My username is @StateofjuIia. DO IT.”
“YEAH, I’VE BEEN LIVIN’ IN THE STATE OF JULIA,” sings Arthur obnoxiously. Julia punches Arthur in the arm, and he stops.
“Livin’ in a make believe... Gulia,” Kavren says quietly, and notices Julia glaring at him, then stops.
“All right, let’s get this over with as quickly as possible,” Wolfgang snorts. “I have three rules that you guys gotta follow. First off, I do not like cross-dressing. Second, I do not like singing. And finally, I do not like cross-dressing while singing. Got it?”
“Oh, don’t worry, bro-migo!” says Puck. “Arthur has got the cross-dressing covered. And I think you gurls are good singers? Huh? Huuuuuuh?”
“Ew, no. Singing is for dorks,” Elena whines.
“I surprisingly agree with her,” Chelsey says. “But I’ll sing if I have to, and only if I have to.”
“So, that leaves..." says Helga. "Myself, Kavren, who sounds like a dying tortoise, Puck, who is most likely not much better, Arthur... ew, Julia, Flora, MacKenzie, and Trey, who probably can’t sing.”
“How do you know that...” Trey says. “I used to love to sing... My vocal cords dried up, though...”
“Ugh, you noobs. When did Roz say that it had to include singing? We’re not putting on a freakin’ musical. And since probably none of you sound as angelic as Larry Fashions, we should refrain from singing. Let’s just do comedy,” Julia rants.
“That’s a great idea! I think I could be funny,” Flora says excitedly.
Elena snorts. “Yep, funny as in let’s laugh at her since she’s so unpopular. Just stop trying, girl.”
“Elena. That was RUDE. She could end up being popular. You never know, I mean, at least she doesn’t look like she should be on the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits,” Chelsey says.
“You just got served,” giggles Kavren.
Chelsey says in the confessional, “Elena? She’s a leech on society. She’s not a nice person, and even though I promised her an alliance, I AM willing to break it up. That’s how unpleasant she is. I’d take Arthur over her. ...Don’t tell her I said that.”
Wolfgang and Puck are looking through the costume box. “Hey, Wolf! How about this one?” Puck pulls out a set of fairy wings and a tutu.
“No!” Wolfgang yells. “I’m not wearing that.”
“What about this one?” Puck pulls out a banana suit.
Wolfgang shushes him. “No. You have to hide that. There’s no way I’m going to endure watching that hammy moron running around with the banana suit again.” He grabs the suit and throws it outside, where Nic runs by and grabs it.
“Man, Wolfie, I just gotta say, I appreciate how much of a pal you’ve been lately,” Puck says. He pats Wolfgang on the back.
“BLAAAAAGH!” Wolfgang screams, and jumps into the air. “Why the @#$% is your hand so cold?!”
“Oh, it was hurtin’, so I went in the cold tub and took a nice bath,” Puck explains.
“The cold tub? I... I don’t even want to ask,” growls Wolfgang. He stomps away and back to the team.
Meanwhile, the Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are trying to find ideas for their skit.
“Lookie here,” Layla demands, holding up a sheet of paper. “I already wrote an entire one-act play for you guys. It’s called The Ginger Butler. The starring role is a beautiful woman, AKA me, and she has a useless ginger butler who never gets her anything. That’s about it.”
“You know, Layla, maybe if you weren’t so lazy all the time...” Alex says groggily. “Hey, can someone get me my phone?” He points to his phone, which is two feet away from him.
“My friends, you have much to learn in the act of playwriting,” Nic says. “Usually, there is a sexy hero. And there is also a dastardly villain. I will call her...” He takes out Kavren’s banana suit. “Madame Banana!”
“No. There is no way I’m going to wear that,” scoffs Layla.
The scene immediately cuts to Layla wearing the costume. “Okay. You know what? Fine. But only for this skit,” she says.
Chrissy is whittling a piece of bark. “Okay, Nic, we have a villain... I think. Any more amazing ideas?”
“Yes. The hero rescues a damsel in distress,” he says, winking at Chrissy. “Hint, hint.”
“Nope, not doing it,” Chrissy says immediately after he finishes. “I’ll work on the lights or something.”
“Veronica? Would you like it?” Nic says.
“Back off,” growls Layla. “Veronica is my sidekick, the evil Butler Apple.” She takes out an apple costume and a tuxedo.
“Estrella? Any takers?” Nic asks desperately.
“Nope,” Estrella says. “I’ll be the announcer or something. But I’m definitely not going to be your love interest.”
“What? Aw, darn it! That is all the girls on the team!” Nic whines.
Trick points to Alex. “You know, his hair is pretty long...”
Alex shrugs. “If it makes us win the challenge, sure, then. I’ll do it.”
Trick grabs a blonde wig and puts it onto Alex. “All right, then... Alexandra. Thanks for helping out.”
“Wait, I never said you could call me that,” Alex raises an eyebrow. “I get mistaken for women at home enough already.”
“Okay, then, we have...” Estrella reads down the cast list. “Nic is gonna be... Mr. Sexy Mucho? That’s the best you could come up with? Fine. Layla will be the evil guy, Veronica her sidekick, Trick the cop, Alex the buxom sidekick of Mr. Sexy whatever, and me and Chrissy will have nothing to do with th-- I mean, we'll do the lights.”
“Wait? BUXOM?” Alex says, his eyes wide. “...This day keeps getting better and better, huh?”
“Hey, at least we’re getting along... kinda,” Chrissy says, attempting to reassure Alex. “Knowing Arthur and Julia and those guys, they’re probably killing each other.”
The Hopalong Ralphcakes are shown, and they might as well be killing each other.
“Arthur, there is NO @#$%ING WAY you’re gonna dress up as Larry Fashions!” yells Julia. “I said we were gonna do COMEDY!”
“Relax, Jules,” Puck says. “Dressing up in funny ‘stumes is totally comedy!”
“Yep, I agree,” Kavren chirps. “We gotta do this, Julia. We’ve got five dudes, and wigs. And we can all sing kind of good.”
“Kind of well,” corrects Helga from the corner.
“Staaaaahp!” Kavren shrieks.
“Seriously, Julia. First of all, 1E isn’t even popular. Except among short gingers-turned-brunettes. Who cares if they dress up as them? We can call them something else. Like... One Rejection,” says Chelsey.
“HAHA!” Elena yells. “That’s fularious. ‘Cause they’re social rejects.”
“Fularious?” Puck says. “I’m the master of dumb slang, and I don’t even know that one! Schweet!”
“Uh, Puck, I think it’s pretty self-explanatory,” Helga says. “Basically, think of the opposite of yourself.”
“OK, guys, we’re getting off track... again,” MacKenzie says. “Who’s gonna be who? I found costumes for everyone!”
“Well, I get to choose, since I’m obviously the biggest fan,” Julia glares at MacKenzie. “Ughhhh, none of these dudes even look like anyone in 1E!”
“I’ll be Leeyum,” Kavren suggests. “Obvs.”
“Ugh, fine,” Julia says. “I mean, you only say at school that you look like Leeyum once an hour. Blegh. Puck, I guess you gotta be Nile.” She tosses him the blonde wig.
“Who is going to be Larry? And now that Nic’s gone, there is like nobody who could be Zane,” Arthur says. “...Except jolly ol’ elf over here.”
“Nope... I’m not gonna play your dumb games, Arthur...” Trey says quietly.
“All righty then. But, if you are not Zane, then I have to be somebody. And I highly doubt there is anyone in the band who is morbidly obeeeese, because that would not be appealing to teenaged girls,” Arthur says.
“Fine... I’ll be the guy... I don’t want to sing, though...” Trey groans.
The scene changes to the two teams, both in front of Roz at the amphitheater. All the Ralphcake boys except Arthur are dressed up as 1E members, and Arthur is nowhere to be seen. The Citrus Fruits are dressed up for their skit.
“Hey, hey, hey!” Roz comes walking in, with Chef and Smoothie Guy. “So, we’re gonna be the three judges. Who wants to go first?" There is complete silence. "K, the Citrus Fruits can go first. GO!”
The curtain opens, and Nic is shown with a cape and a mask.
“I am Mr. Sexy Mucho,” he says valiantly. “Protector of beautiful women everywhere. Check out my rad moves.” He tries to fly, but his cape gets caught on one of the 'buildings.' The entire room goes quiet. “Oh, no! I am stuck! Where is my sidekick?” He begins to sweat.
Alex walks out, wearing a blonde wig, a skin-tight jumpsuit, and some sort of circular fruit in his chest.
“Oh, look. It is my voluptuous Russian sidekick, Vladimira Rastalilenibachevin!” Nic says. “She will save the day!”
Alex, or Vladimira, jumps up and catches Nic. “Взорвать это ваша задница,” says Alex in Russian. “Now, vere is ze villain? Ve must save ze day.”
“HAW, HAW, HAW!” An evil cackling is heard. Suddenly, Layla runs out wearing Kavren’s banana suit, followed by Veronica, wearing a butler’s outfit with an apple on her head. “I’m gonna, like, kill you and stuff!”
“Oh no! Vladimira, use your powers to stun this wily crook!” Nic yells. Alex bonks Layla in the chest with his bosom, and she falls over.
“Aw, MAN!” yells Layla. “Now I gotta give up all this expensive jewelry I stole.”
Trick appears, driving in a plastic police car that resembles one of the ones children ride in grocery stores.
“You’re under arrest!” He comes out and handcuffs Layla. “Thank you for saving the day, Mr. Sexy Mucho.”
Estrella’s voice is heard from up by the lights, saying, “I swear, I’m losing brain cells just from listening to this.”
The Citrus Fruits bow, and the curtain goes down behind them. “Nice job... I guess. Ya guys were okay. Let’s just see if the Ralphcakes can top that. Probably, since they’ve been winning everything, but whatevs!” Roz says.
“Darn. I wanted to use the banana,” Kavren mutters, in his costume, behind the curtain.
“Come on, Kav. We have to win. If we don't, I’ll kill you,” Julia says. “No pressure, though.”
Arthur walks out, and it is a disturbing sight. He’s dressed entirely in drag, wearing a button-down coral-colored long sleeve shirt but only a bra underneath, with a long brown wig and numerous necklaces and bracelets. “Greetings, loved ones,” he says. “Tonight’s skit is known as One Rejection. Come on out!”
Chrissy’s mouth gapes open. “What.”
Sure enough, Puck walks out wearing a blonde wig and a blue hoodie, followed by Trey in a blue polo with his hair spiked up, Kavren in a green sweatshirt, Gary in a jean jacket with a white shirt underneath, and an extremely livid Wolfgang, who has a giant brown poofy wig and a green polo shirt.
“Gary?! You’re supposed ta be cleanin’ the kitchens!” says Roz.
“Oh, uh, sorry, Roz. These guys are sweet! Arthur let me be in the skit, and now his awesomeness level is... very high!” Gary says happily. “I missed him from Tiki Jungle.”
“Shut up!” Chelsey whispers from behind the curtain. “Just... start.”
Mackenzie, Flora, and Julia (who looks like she is about to kill somebody) are shown playing the instruments.
Kavren starts to sing. “You’re insecure... Dunno what for. You turn them heads when you walk through the do-o-ooor. Don’t need make-up to cover up. Bein’ the way that you are is eno-o-ough.”
Trey sings. “I don’t know why... You’re being... I can’t do this.”
Julia comes out with a Zane wig. “EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM CAN SEE IT, EVERYONE ELSE BUT YO-U-U-UUU!”
“Baby, you light up the world like my banana suit! When I see you with a dude, I say oh shoot! And I always try to hold in my toooots, around you-u-uuu! That’s what makes you beautiful!” sings One Rejection.
“If only you saw how hot he was, maybe you would actually start likin’ my cuz!” Kavren sings in front of Roz.
Arthur bursts out in front of everybody, wearing an orca costume, while Gary is tied to his back wearing a yellow polo shirt and jeans, and screaming at the top of his lungs.
“Mas o melhor é quando vamos pra Baleia,” he sings. “Eu so-o-oooo! Eu sou o Nissim Ourfali!”
“Ugh, what are you guys doing?” Julia hisses during the instrumental break. “Arthur, get out!”
Arthur leaves as the second verse starts. He drops Gary, and Gary falls onto Smoothie Guy’s lap. Smoothie Guy dumps the coffee he was drinking on Gary’s head.
“So c-come on, these lyrics are wrong. To prove I’m right, I’ll kick Puck in the shlo-o-ong!” Wolfgang grunts, and kicks Puck in the unmentionables, while Puck keels over.
“I don’t know why you’re being shy,” sings Kavren. “Because I really enjoy looking at your... eyes.”
“Everyone else in the room is fa--” Arthur begins.
Roz takes an aspirin, and then yells, “STOP!”
The music stops. “Ugh, Roz, what is it now?” Helga mutters.
“I think I’ve seen enough. That was really...” says Roz suspensefully. Everyone begins to grin. “Horrible. You think you guys did awesome? Noooopeeee. The Citrus Fruits finally win the challenge!”
“Alex!" yells Nic. "ALEX! We won!" Nic then hugs Alex, who's still in his costume, and kisses him on the cheek.
“Uh...” Alex says.
“But seriously, you guys expected to have a huge come-from-behind victory or somethin’? Nope. That was like torture to my ears. The banana thing back in TDRev was at least kinda funny. You’re going to elimination, so see ya,” Roz says, and she leaves.
“Wait, don’t we get opinions?” snaps Smoothie Guy. “I thought it was high-larious.”
“Naw, it was pretty terrible,” grunts Chef. “An’ I’ve seen some horrible, horrible things.”
“Like my foot fungus?” pipes up Arthur.
“LEAVE!” Roz yells.
The Hopalong Ralphcakes are shown opening the door to their cabin. Layla emerges in the doorway. “What are you doing here?” Elena says rudely.
“Uh, hel-lloooo? This is our cabin now. And unless you want to find some sort of way to get me a jetpack, I advise you guys to sleep on the grass. VERONICAAAAAA!” she yells.
“Coming!” says a voice from inside the house.
“Ugh. I guess grass is better for tanning,” Chelsey says. “But what am I going to do without Snooki and K-Woww? This is going to be awful. My fingernails are getting too long, too... They can only be three centimeters tops, and this one is three point one. There are no nail clippers here. Oh, my life sucks.”
“What? Long? Ha, you’re so dumb. Long fingernails are the way to go,” says Elena, holding up her fingers with her nails which resemble talons.
“Are you a human, or some sort of half-bird hybrid?” MacKenzie says, confused.
MacKenzie says in the confessional, “I really don’t know why the girls on my team, mostly Chelsey, Elena, and Julia, are obsessed with such little things. Chelsey LOVES some dumb app on her uPhone, and also that dumb Nebraska Shore show. Elena and Chelsey are both obsessed with fashion. And Julia... do I even have to explain? Sigh. I just wish they could be more well-balanced girls.”
Arthur is playing jacks in the grass with Kavren. Julia stomps over to them and sits down. “Hello,” says Arthur. “I thought you despised me.”
“Look, BUDDY,” Julia says. “You know I’m pissed about the bullcrap you pulled earlier. And honestly, I wanna kick you in the @#$%ing unmentionables. But you know what? Elena is unbearable. It’s like how she was in Tiki Jungle, but like fifty million times worse. We have to get her out, now.”
“Elena? Really? I enjoy staring at her obviously fake... tan. It provides me with amusement,” Arthur explains.
“Hehe, yeah, Julia, she’s pretty bloopy and ugly and annoying and all that chazz. We gotta get her out, I agree,” explains Kavren. “Helg, you on board?”
“Nope,” says Helga, reading a book called Professor What: The Movie: The Junior Novelization.
“HELGA!” snaps Julia. “I thought you were on board. If not, I’m gonna have to--”
“All right, fine,” Helga says. “She’s a nuisance, but it’s not like she has a big enough brain to actually strategize and take one of us out. Oh, god, speaking of not strategizing, here comes...”
“Hey, fellers!” Puck comes trotting over to the group. “Strategy talk? Cool beans! I’ve got some ideas. We gotta boot Chelsey.”
“Nope,” say Arthur and Kavren simultaneously.
“Hmm. Fine. Wolfie wants to get you out, Arthur. He says you’re an annoying moron, and then he said some not-nice things I don’t wanna repeat,” explains Puck.
“Hmph. I am not afraid of that dude,” says Arthur. “He smells like my cat’s barf.”
“Hey, he’s more cultured than you,” mutters Helga, still reading. “At least he doesn’t talk about his loose peanuts 24/7.”
“Actually, not really 24/7. He talks about how morbidly obeeeese he is sometimes,” giggles Kavren.
“But really, whatcha guys thinkin’ for strategy and whatnot?” Puck asks curiously. “I wanna know!”
“Well, too bad, we’re not gonna tell you,” scoffs Julia.
“Julia, are you an idiot? We want him on our side. It’s numbers. He’s annoying, but effective,” Helga whispers.
Kavren says in the confessional, “...Weird. Helga has gone from rude snarky bookaholic to rude snarky bookaholic strategist. Huh.”
There is a rustling in the bushes. Trey’s head peeks out from behind one of them, and once the others see him, he sprints into the woods.
“Hey, what’s that arsehat doing?!” Julia yells.
The rest of the team, which includes Flora, MacKenzie, Chelsey, Elena, and Wolfgang, are sitting behind the house, on stumps. “Did you get any info?” MacKenzie says.
“Yep. They’re gonna blindside Elena...” Trey says. “Well, it’s not necessarily a blindside now...”
“WHAT?!” Elena looks extremely shocked. “Those idiots. OK, we have the majority, so I think we--”
“Not necessarily,” mutters Wolfgang. “I don’t have an alliance. I vote with the wind.”
Wolfgang says in the confessional, “All right, so I fully support doing everything I can to get ahead in this freakin’ game, but it’s hard when you’re the swing vote. I don’t like being the swing vote. I’ve only voted ONCE in two seasons. ONE FREAKING TI--” The confessional turns to static.
“Trey, did you pick up anything about me? Am I safe?” Chelsey asks curiously.
“Yeah... Arthur and his perverted friend think you’re too hot to eliminate, or something...” sighs Trey. “I wish people thought I was hot...”
“You were hot, until you turned pale as my skin when it doesn’t have a beautiful tan,” Elena says. “But seriously, I’m angry. What are we gonna do? Who are we gonna vote?”
“Okay, this is gonna sound really mean, and I’m sorry,” Flora says in a small voice. “What if... we eliminated... Kavren or Arthur? Don’t kill me!” she shrieks.
“Kavren and Arthur? We hate those two. Why would we kill you?” Chelsey says.
“Yeah, they’re really unbearable...” explains MacKenzie. “If we got one of them out, Julia wouldn’t be so angry and she might be easier to talk to.”
“Kavren or Arthur... That’s a good idea, guys...” says Trey.
Trey says in the confessional, “YES! It worked! I’m finally starting to get into this game more... But what if people don’t like me and are just pretending...”
“Sorry, guys. I just really don’t like being mean. I’m a nice person,” says Flora, upset.
“Flora, your clothes may be tacky, but yeah, you are nice. The thing is, this game is more than just who’s nice and who’s not,” Chelsey says. “We have to do the most strategic choice.”
“Dang, you guys are super boring,” harrumphs Wolfgang. “I’m going to go get some iced tea. You’ll find out if I’m really on your side later. Spoiler alert: I vote with the wind.”
“You literally just said that,” says Elena obnoxiously.
The Swagged Out Citrus Fruits are shown inside the house, eavesdropping on the other team’s conversation.
“Yes, yes, they are good villains, indeed. But nobody is a match for the amazing Nic-ejandro and his buff ab belly. Abby and I are an unstoppable force,” Nic says evilly.
“Yeah, if by unstoppable you mean you never stop runnin’ your mouth,” Layla complains. “Veronica, get me some du-ree-tos.” Veronica runs to the kitchen.
Roz is shown with the Hopalong Ralphcakes at the elimination ceremony. “Hey, guys!” she says. “Soooo, it’s your first time here. I guess I gotta give the whole elimination rant, huh? Kay-kay. If you receive a seashell, you're safe. If you don't, you're voted out, and you gotta walk the Dock of Shame and catch the Boat of Losers to get outta here. That’s about it. First seashell of the night goes to Chelsey.” Chelsey catches her seashell.
“Julia, Flora, MacKenzie, Trey, and Helga, ya guys are safe too,” says Roz. Trey’s seashell gets caught in his hair. Kavren laughs a noodle out of his nose.
“Brm-hrm-hrm,” he chuckles.
“Puck and Wolfie, you guys are safe,” says Roz. The two catch their seashells. “Aaaand... Arthur.” Arthur laughs. “Bottom two. Elena an’ Kavren. This is pretty unexpected, guys. Final seashell goes to...”
“Kavren. Just kiddin’. Elena, here you go.”
“Wut?” Kavren says. “I’m... I’m at a loss for words, my noodly friends. Ah, well. All good stuff has gotta come to an end, right?”
“No, not really,” Helga says. “For instance, books being published.”
“Helga, there’s no point for that chaz,” Kavren says. “Wow, it feels kinda weird. You guys got out the closest to a fan favorite that there is in this continuity. I’ve never been voted out before. It’s just...”
“Kavren, leave. I’m getting tired. We’re all gettin’ tired,” Roz says.
“All righty then,” says Kavren. “Art, do it. You got second last time, you can win this time.” He waves at the guys, and walks to the Boat of Losers. As the boat pulls up, his banana suit is shown resting on the side. “Woot!” He puts on the banana suit, and the boat drives into the sunset.
==Author's Notes==
*The title is, keeping in tradition with the Take a Skit challenges, a pun on a vulgar phrase. 
*Adolescent Giants is a (lazily made) reference to Teen Titans, a favorite show of mine that had a decently sized fanbase on Tumblr.
*Puck's line of "You're a weirdo, Wolfie!" is a direct quote from Epic Rap Battles of History's "Skrillex vs. Mozart."
*In addition, Puck saying "hilar" was based on a conversation on chat where someone (TBTDIF, I think) said "does anyone say hilar?" and Mana and I said "Puck" simultaneously.
*GERecognize was a parody of TDIFF user JERealize, which is strange because Smoothie Guy directly referenced JE himself in an earlier chapter.
*The book Helga is reading is a parody of "Swim The Fly," a book I had recently read (and loved) at the time.
*Arthur's porn line is a reference to a song from Avenue Q.
*The skit challenge was going to be one chapter earlier, primarily because Kavren's elimination was originally one chapter earlier and I had always planned to have Kavren get out in the skit challenge.
*The song Arthur sings is a song by Marina and the Diamonds called "The State of Dreaming."
*Alex's name in the skit is a combination of multiple Russian historical figures, all of whom were featured in an Epic Rap Battle of History.
*I got the idea of One Rejection from a picture I drew the summer before with five of my male characters dressed as 1D, but I had to make some changes to the line-up, since Nic and Alex were on the other team.
*The Portuguese segment of the song that Arthur sings is a reference to Nissim Ourfali's hit single "Bar Mitzvah," a wiki meme.
*Kavren originally got extremely far, well into the merge. He wasn't very well-liked by Mana, though, and I felt like Arthur should have more interactions with others such as Julia, plus I had a really hard time writing for Kavren this time without making him too obnoxious or cringey.