Horthy Does the Ice Bucket Challenge

Horthy Does the Ice Bucket Challenge is the fourth episode of The Life and Times of Miklós Horthy. Spoiler alert for Friends season 2
== Transcript ==
[The episode begins with the SBFW friends playing poker; Pluto enters]
Pluto: Hey.
All: Hey!
SpongeBot: So how was Joan?
Pluto: I broke up with her.
All: Oh, why?
Prim: Don’t tell me. Because of the big nostril thing?
[Laugh track]
Pluto: They were huge.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: When she sneezed, bats flew out of them.
Jess: Come on, they were not that huge.
Pluto: I'm tellin' you, she leaned back, I could see her brain.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: How many perfectly fine women are you gonna reject over the most superficial insignificant things?
CrazySponge: Hold it hold it. I gotta side with Pluto on this one. When I first moved to the city, I went out a couple of times with this girl, really hot, great kisser, but she had the biggest Adam's apple. It drove me nuts.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: You or me?
Prim: I got it. Uh, CrazySponge, women don't have Adam's apples.
[Laugh track]
CrazySponge: Heh, you guys are messin' with me, right?
All: Yeah. We are.
[Laugh track]
CrazySponge: That was a good one. For a second there, I was like, whoa.
[Laugh track; the opening plays]
So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year, but
I'll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you
(Like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you
('Cause you're there for me too)
[Cut to the friends drinking alcohol]
Zoltan: So, you name one woman that you broke up with for an actual real reason.
Pluto: Maureen Rosilla.
Prim: Because she doesn’t hate Yanni is not a real reason.
[Laugh track; knocking is heard on the door, SpongeBot opens it to find Mr. Heckles]
SpongeBot: Hello, Mr. Heckles.
Mr. Heckles: You're doing it again.
SpongeBot: We're not doing anything.
Mr. Heckles: You're stomping. It's disturbing my birds.
[Laugh track]
Jess: You don't have birds.
[Laugh track]
Mr. Heckles: I could have birds.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: Ok, Mr. Heckles, we'll try to keep it down.
Mr. Heckles: Thank you. I'm going to rejoin my dinner party.
[Laugh track]
Jess: All right, bye-bye.
Pluto: Ok, Janice. Janice. You gotta give me Janice. That wasn't about being picky.
Prim: We'll give you Janice.
Zoltan: I miss Janice though. (mimicing Janice) ”Hello, Pluto”
[Laugh track]
Jess: "Oh, my, god.”
[Laugh track; thumping is heard from below]
SpongeBot: Stop with the broom, we're not making noise.
[SpongeBot begins stomping; thumping is heard again, Jess also starts stomping; thumping again; all the friends join in, and the thumping stops]
Jess: We won. We won!
All: Whoo!
[SpongeBot and Jess high five; cut to Mr. Heckles’ dead body being carried out by the ambulence; laugh track]
SpongeBot: Mr. Heckles…
Jess: How did this happen?
Janitor: He musta been sweepin'. They found a broom in his hand.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: That's terrible.
Janitor: I know. I was sweepin' yesterday. It coulda been me.
[Laugh track]
Prim: Sure, sweepin'. You never know.
Janitor: You never know.
[Cut to the friends having breakfast or something]
Zoltan: Ok, it's very faint, but I can still sense him in the building. Go into the light, Mr. Heckles!
[Laugh track]
Pluto: Okay, Zoltan.
Zoltan: I'm sorry, but sometimes they need help.
[Laugh track; the friends scoff]
Zoltan: That's fine. Go ahead and scoff. You know, there're a lot of things that I don't believe in, but that doesn't mean they're not true.
CrazySponge: Such as?
Zoltan: Like crop circles, or the Bermuda triangle, or evolution?
[Laugh track]
Prim: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What, you don't, uh, you don't believe in evolution?
Zoltan: Nah. Not really.
[Laugh track]
Prim: You don't believe in evolution?
Zoltan: I don't know, it's just, you know...monkeys, Darwin, you know, it's a, it's a nice story, I just think it's a little too easy.
[Laugh track]
Prim: Too easy? Too...The process of every living thing on this planet evolving over millions of years from single-celled organisms is too easy?
Zoltan: Yeah, I just don't buy it.
[Laugh track]
Prim: Uh, excuse me. Evolution is not for you to buy, Zoltan. Evolution is scientific fact, like, like, like the air we breathe, like gravity.
Zoltan: Ok, don't get me started on gravity.
[Laugh track]
Prim: You uh, you don't believe in gravity?
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it, you know, it's just...I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so much being pulled down as I am being pushed.
[Laugh track; knocking is heard ont he door; SpongeBot goes to open it]
Pluto: Uh-Oh. It's Isaac Newton, and he's pissed.
[The janitor and Saul Goodman open the door]
Janitor: There she is. And over there, that's the other one. This is Saul Goodman, Mr. Heckles' attorney. He'd like to talk to you.
SpongeBot: What can we do for you?
Saul Goodman: All right, kids. Here's the deal. According to my client's will, he wants to leave all his earthly possessions to "the noisy girls in the apartment above mine".
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: Well, what about his family?
Saul Goodman: He didn't have any.
Jess: Ok, so let's talk money.
[Laugh track]
Saul Goodman: All right, there was none. Now, let's talk signing. You be noisy girl number one, you be noisy girl number two.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: I can't believe that this whole time we thought he hated us. I mean, isn't it amazing how much you can touch someone's life, without even knowing it?...
[Cut to Mr. Heckles’ house, which is in a very messy state; laugh track]
SpongeBot: Would you look at this dump? He hated us. This is his final revenge!
Jess: Have you ever seen so much crap?
Pluto: Actually, I think this apartment sullies the good name of crap.
[Laugh track; CrazySponge stands infront of a magnifying glass thing]
CrazySponge: Check this out. Can I have this?
[Laugh track]
Prim: How can you not believe in evolution?
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Just don't. Look at this funky shirt!
[Laugh track]
Prim: Pheebs, I have studied evolution my entire adult life. Ok, I can tell you, we have collected fossils from all over the world that actually show the evolution of different species, okay? You can literally see them evolving through time.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Really? You can actually see it?
Prim: You bet. In the US, China, Africa, all over.
Zoltan: See, I didn't know that.
[Laugh track]
Prim: Well, there you go.
Zoltan: Huh. So now, the real question is, who put those fossils there, and why?
[Laugh track]
Pluto: Hey, look at this. "My Big Book of Grievances."
[Pluto opens the book and starts flipping the pages]
CrazySponge: Hey, there's me!
[Laugh track]
CrazySponge: April 17th. Excessive noise. Autistic guy comes homes with a date.
[Laugh track]
CrazySponge: Hey Pluto, look, you're in here too.
Pluto: April 18th, excessive noise. Autistic guy's gay roommate comes home with the dry-cleaning.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: Well that's excellent.
[Jess grabs a fancy shellfish lamp]
Jess: SpongeBot, SpongeBot, look at this lamp. Is this tacky or what? We have to have this.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: Jess, I think we have enough regular lamps.
[Jess grabs another clock that has a naked female on it]
Jess: Come on, it's not like I'm asking for this girly clock or anything, which, by the way, I also think is very cool.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: It doesn't go with any of my stuff.
Jess: Well, what about my stuff?
SpongeBot: You don't have any stuff.
[Laugh track]
Jess: You still think of it as your apartment, don't you?
SpongeBot: Mm… No.
Jess: Yes you do. You think of it as your apartment, and I'm just somebody who rents a room.
SpongeBot: Mmmmm.
Jess: Ok, while you "mmm" on it for awhile, I'm gonna go find a place for my new lamp.
[Laugh track]
Prim: Ok, Zolt. See how I'm making these little toys move?
[Prim moves toys with opposable thumbs; laugh track]
Prim: Opposable thumbs.
[Laugh track]
Prim: Without evolution, how do you explain opposable thumbs?
Zoltan: Maybe the overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts.
[Laugh track]
Prim: Please tell me you're joking.
Zoltan: Look, can't we just say that you believe in something, and I don't.
Prim: No, no, Pheebs, we can't, ok, because--
Zoltan: Why not? What is this obsessive need you have to make everyone agree with you? No, what's that all about? I think, I think maybe it's time you put Prim under the microscope.
[Laugh track]
Prim: Is there blood coming out of my ears?
[Laugh track]
CrazySponge: Check it out, check it out. Heckles' high school yearbook.
[They look in their yearbook]
Pluto: Wow, he looks so normal.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: He's even kind of cute.
CrazySponge: "Heckles, you crack me up in science class. You're the funniest kid in school.”
Pluto: Funniest? Heckles?
CrazySponge: That's what it says.
Pluto: Wow, Heckles was voted class clown, and so was I. He was right. Would you listen to that?
Zoltan: I'd call that excessive.
Pluto: Whoa!
CrazySponge: What?
Pluto: Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played clarinet. And he was in the scale modeler's club, and I was, well, there was no club, but I sure thought they were cool.
[Laugh track]
CrazySponge: So, you were both dorks. Big deal.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: I just think it's weird, you know? Heckles and me, Heckles, and me, me and Heckles...
[Stomping is heard from above; Pluto grabs a broom and starts thumping]
Pluto: Hey, would you knock it off?
[Laugh track; Pluto realises what he’s doing and drops the broom; cut to CrazySponge walking into a room where Pluto is sitting on the couch; laugh track]
CrazySponge: Have you been here all night?
Pluto: Look at this. Pictures of all the women that Heckles went out with. Look what he wrote on them. Vivian, too tall. Madge, big gums.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: Too loud, too smart, makes noise when she eats. This is, this is me. This is what I do. I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did.
CrazySponge: Pluto, Heckles was a nut case.
Pluto: Our trains are on the same track, ok? Yeah, sure, I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same. Bitter Town. Aloneville. Hermit Junction.
[Laugh track]
CrazySponge: All right, you know what we gotta do? We gotta get you outta here. Come on, I'll buy you breakfast, let's go.
Pluto: What if I never find someone? Or even worse, what if I've found her, but I dumped her because she pronounced it "supposably"?
[Laugh track]
CrazySponge: Pluto, come on, you're gonna find somebody.
Pluto: How do you know that? How?
CrazySponge: I don't know, I'm just tryin' to help you out.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: You'll see, you guys are all gonna go off and get married, and I'm gonna end up alone. Will you promise me something? When you're married, will you invite me over for holidays?
[Laugh track]
CrazySponge: Well, I don't know. I don't know what we're gonna be doin'.
[Laugh track]
CrazySponge: I mean, what if we're at her folks' place?
[Laugh track]
Pluto: Yeah, I understand.
[Laugh track]
CrazySponge: You can come over and watch the Super Bowl. Every year, all right?
Pluto: You know what? I'm not gonna end up like this. I'll see you man.
[Pluto leaves]
CrazySponge: Geez. (starts talking to himself) Supposably.
[Laugh track]
CrazySponge: Supposably. Did they go to the zoo? Supposably.
[Laugh track; cut to Pluto calling Janice on the phone]
Pluto: (on phone) Hi, it's me.
Janice: Oh, my, god.
[Laugh track; cut to the friends at a bar]
Zoltan: Janice? You called Janice?
Pluto: Yes, Janice. Why is that so difficult for you to comprehend?
Prim: You remember Janice, right?
[Laugh track]
Pluto: Yes. She was smart, she was pretty, and she honestly cared about me. Janice is my last chance to have somebody.
[Janice enters. She is pregnant. Laugh tracker]
Janice: Helloo!
Pluto: Oh, my, god!
CrazySponge: Geez, look how fat she got.
[Laugh track]
Janice: Hey, it's everybody.
Pluto: Janice, you're--
Janice: Yes, I am.
Pluto: Is it--?
Janice: Is it yours? Ha! You wish, Pluto. You are looking at a married lady now.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: Congratulations.
Janice: Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.
Pluto: You couldn't have told me about this on the phone?
Janice: And what? Missed the expression on your face? Janice likes to have her fun.
[Laugh track; cut to SpongeBot, Jess and Zoltan]
SpongeBot: Hey, Jess. You know what we haven't played in a while?
Jess: What?
SpongeBot: Hide the Lamp.
[Laugh track]
Jess: SpongeBot, let it go.
SpongeBot: Did you know I was allergic to shellfish?
Jess: Well, then, you'll just have to eat the other lamps.
[Laugh track; Prim enters with a briefcase]
Zoltan: Uh-oh. It's Scary Scientist Man.
[Laugh track]
Prim: Ok, Zoltan, this is it. In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts. A briefcase of facts, if you will.
[Laugh track]
Prim: Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old.
Zoltan: Ok, look, before you even start, I'm not denying evolution, ok, I'm just saying that it's one of the possibilities.
Prim: It's the only possibility, Zoltan.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Ok, Prim, could you just open your mind like this much, okay?
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Wasn't there a time when the brightest minds in the world believed that the world was flat? And, up until like what, 50 years ago, you all thought the atom was the smallest thing, until you split it open, and this like, whole mess of crap came out.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Now, are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit that there's a teeny tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this?
[Laugh track]
Prim: There might be… a teeny… tiny… possibility.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: I can't believe you caved.
Prim: What?
Zoltan: You just abandoned your whole belief system. I mean, before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you. How, how, how are you going to go into work tomorrow? How, how are you going to face the other science guys? How, how are you going to face yourself? Oh!
[Laugh track; Prim closes his briefcase and walks out; laugh track]
Zoltan: That was fun. So who's hungry?
[Laugh track]
Jess: I am. Let me just get my coat.
[Jess walks out and SpongeBot accidentally breaks the lamp while trying to get her jacket on; Jess rushes back in]
Jess: What happened?
SpongeBot: Ok, all right. It was an accident, I swear, all right. I was putting on my jacket, and the thing, and the lamp, and it broke.
Jess: Oh, please, SpongeBot. You've always hated my lamp, and then, all of a sudden, it's just magically broken?
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: Zoltan, tell her!
Zoltan: Ok, I didn't see it, because I was putting on my jacket, but I uh want to believe you.
[Laugh track; Pluto walks in]
Jess: Hey Pluto. SpongeBot just broke my seashell lamp.
Pluto: Neat. I'm gonna die alone.
[Laugh track]
Jess: Ok, you win.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: Pluto, you're not gonna die alone.
Pluto: Janice was my safety net, ok? And now I have to get a snake.
[Laugh track]
Zoltan: Uh huh. Why is that?
Pluto: If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing, you know, a hook, like that guy on the subway who eats his own face.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: So I figure I'll be Crazy Man with a Snake, y'know. Crazy Snake Man. And I'll get more snakes, call them my babies, kids will walk past my place, they will run. "Run away from Crazy Snake Man," they'll shout!
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: You have got to get over this, okay? You're not gonna end up alone.
Pluto: Of course I am. I reject anyone who's crazy enough to actually go out with me, and then I bitch about the fact that there aren't any great women out there.
Jess: Pluto, you have just described virtually every man that we have ever gone out with.
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: You are not a freak. You're a guy.
[Laugh track]
Jess: She's right. She's right. You are no different than the rest of them.
SpongeBot: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Yes he is. You are totally different.
Pluto: In a bad way?
SpongeBot: No, honey, in a wonderful way. You know what you want now. Most guys don't even have a clue. You are ready to take risks, you are ready to be vulnerable, and intimate with someone.
Jess: Yeah. You're not gonna end up alone.
Zoltan: Pluto, you called Janice! That's how much you wanted to be with someone!
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: You made it!
Zoltan: You're there!
Jess: You are ready to make a commitment!
Pluto: Whoa! Don't know about that.
[Laugh track; cut to the friends packing; SpongeBot walks in with the girly lamp]
Jess: What you got there? Something else that's not yours that you can break?
[Laugh track]
SpongeBot: No. Um, I know you like this, and I want you to have it. I think it'll look good in our apartment.
Jess: Thank you.
[The female on the lamp begins shaking whilst whistling is played; laugh track]
SpongeBot: That's fine.
[Pluto walks in]
Pluto: Hey. Well, you will all be pleased to know that I have a date tomorrow night. This woman, Aly from work. She's great. She's pretty, she's smart. And uh, I've been holding off on asking her out in the past, because she has an unusually large head.
[Laugh track]
Pluto: But, I'm not gonna let that stuff hang me up anymore. Look at me. I'm growing.
CrazySponge: Hey, uh, you can't recycle yearbooks, can you?
Pluto: I'll take that.
CrazySponge: You want his yearbook?
Pluto: Yeah, yeah. Some people said some nice things about him. I think somebody should have it.
SpongeBot: Oh, gosh, this is so weird. I mean, his whole life was in this apartment, and now it's gone.
[SpongeBot walks behind the magnifying thing]
You know, I think it would be nice if we just took a few moments, for Mr. Heckles. I mean, he was kind of a pain, he was, but, he was a person.
[The friends start laughing at the magnifying thing]
SpongeBot: You're all going to hell.
[Laugh track]
Jess: It's really not that big!
[SpongeBot, Jess and Zoltan walk out with bags; CrazySponge takes the magnifying thing out with him]
Pluto: Takin' that with you, huh?
[Laugh track]
CrazySponge: Oh, yeah.
[Laugh track; CrazySponge and Prim walk out, leaving only Pluto, but Prim goes back]
Prim: You comin'?
Pluto: Yeah, just a second.
[Prim walks out; somber msuic begins playing as Pluto puts Heckles’ broom next to the door]
Pluto: Goodbye Mr. Heckles. We'll try to keep it down.
[Pluto turns off the lights, walks out and closes the door, as Heckles’ empty room is shown as the credits roll]
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