Stranger Things

Stranger Things is the forty-sixth episode of Cult of Squid. It released December 11th, 2020, and was written by Locknloaded23 and Purple133.
== Plot ==
Squilliam returns to join the Cult, but Squidward gets suspicious about how he's acting.
==Transcript==
(Episode begins with Noseward in another dream)
Noseward: wh- where am I? Oh my God, is this another dream? God damnit. Okay, these have to stop, I’m not liking what I’m seeing. Good things never come out of these damn dreams.
Candy Muffin: sup.
Noseward: Shut up and just cut to the chase. Why am I here?
Candy Muffin: It's the end, Noseward.
Noseward: The end? What end?
Candy Muffin: The end.
Noseward: You better tell me what the Hell you mean or- (the candy muffin is gone) hello? 
Echoing voice: THE END. THE END. THE END. THE END. THE END. THE END.
(Suddenly, an explosion can be heard as the moon shatters into 8 pieces. Noseward ducks but then wakes up)
Noseward: That was… strange. (Long sigh) whoever is planting these dreams in my head, I swear to God. (Walks off) 
(Cut to Squidward talking to a few cultists)
Squidward: Okay, so the plan is essentially you guys give up your organs for those in need of better ones!
Brother Broseph: What does that have to do with anything?
Squidward: What do you mean?
Brother Broseph: Well, you called us here and just told us that.
Squidward: Um, strange. Anyways, just get those organs donated and you men will be free to go.
Brother Señor: Go where?
Squidward: Six feet under.
(Security plays the rimshot on the drums)
Squidward: That wasn't a joke, and where did- 
(Noseward walks in)
Noseward: (grumpily) Hi, I guess.
Squidward: Noseward, what is it? Can’t you see I’m busy?
Noseward: (angrily) BROTHER SQUIDWARD, I HAD A DREAM AGAIN! 
Squidward: Jesus, man, calm down.
Noseward: (sighs) Sorry, I'm just… So sick of this bullsh(dolphin noise).
Squidward: Who could be planting these in your head, and furthermore, what was it about this time? 
Noseward: Well I’m not sure, but it was bad. That stupid candy muffin… Thing greeted me, and kept saying something dumb, like "The end" or something? I forgot. 
Squidward: The end? What could "the end" possibly mean? 
Noseward: (sigh) I'm gonna sit down for a little while.
Squidward: Okay, but keep your guard all the way up. I have a bad feeling about "the end."
(There is a knock on the door as Squidward screams)
Squidward: IT'S THE END! 
Noseward: Squidward, that's just the door.
Squidward: Right… the door… I knew that… yeah. 
(A cultist goes to enter the door but it blows wide open revealing Squilliam Fancyson)
Squidward: SQUILLIAM?!
Squilliam: Hello there Squidward. It's me.
Squidward: What the F(dolphin noise) are you doing here??? I thought we already caught and killed you!
Squilliam: My house has a secret bunker which was built during World War 5. You really killed some random squid.
Squidward: Well, get out. You're not welcome.
Squilliam: No, buddy.
Squidward: Buddy..?
Squilliam: I'm here to join you. I have observed all your battles with Satan. I am most impressed.
Squidward: You're… impressed by me? That's a first.
Squilliam: Yeah, I thought you were a… uh… loser who just worked as a cashier.
Squidward: You're pausing a lot. Are you sure you're not high?
Squilliam: Not like high school. Anyways, I will be a total asset to your cult thing. 
Security: (walks in) Sorry, I was on my coffee break- Hey, who's this guy?
Squidward: (mumbling) Squilliam fancyson.
Security: THE Squilliam Fancyson? The guy who owns the largest mansion in town?
Squidward: Shut up…
Squilliam: I wanted to join your cult. I'll be your financial planner.
Squidward: We already have one.
Security: No, he died 2 years ago.
Squidward: He did?
Security: Man, you're slow.
Squilliam: I can, um, provide battle music?
Squidward: Well we are currently fighting the devil so I think that definitely constitutes battle music. What do you got?
(Cut to them listening to a vinyl record playing "Revolution 9.")
Squidward: This wasn't what I had in mind. So how did you survive Squilliam?
Squilliam: Well, to make a very long story short, I stocked up on food and rode it out in my panic room!
Squidward: Oh, is that why we weren’t ever able to find you? (Looks angrily at the record player) can I turn that off?
Squilliam: no. And yeah, I hid out there. Wait, were you trying to find me?
Squidward: Yes. You were actually one of my first targets when we took over. Anyway, welcome to the Cult, I guess. 
(The Initiator appears)
The Initiator: I’ve been summoned.
Squidward: could you initiate this guy for me?
Initiator: alright. Uh, where's our electric eel?
Squidward: it died 3 years ago. We replaced it with a jellyfish.
Initiator: whatever. (Brings out a jellyfish, stinging Squilliam)
Squilliam: (eyes turn red) OW! WHAT THE- (notices everyone staring at him, and turns to normal) uh, sorry.
Squidward: so, tell me. What made you decide to join us? (Gets even more annoyed by the record player, slamming his fist on it, making the record stop) sorry, that was getting on my nerves
Squilliam: well, I saw you were trying to defeat Satan. And, well, let's just say Satan and I have a history.
Squidward: wha?
Squilliam: That's how I got my enormous wealth. I made a deal with the Devil himself. And I fooled Satan by saying he could have my soul when the sea got taken over by a cruel dictator. At the time, I figured that could never ever happen in a million years. And, here we are. I've been hiding from him for 2 years since you took over.
Squidward: but, how did he not find you?
Squilliam: I hid in my secret bunker. Satan had no idea I had one. I was living off food rations for 2 long, agonizing years. I'm so tired of the taste of soup.
Squidward: so then why are you out in the open?
Squilliam: As I said, I saw that Satan was targeting you. So I thought that, Since you and I both hate Satan, I could team up with you. I want to see him burn.
Squidward: well, wouldn't it be unsafe for you to be here? Satan will go right for us.
Squilliam: he's already after you anyway.
Squidward: I suppose that's true. Well, welcome, i guess. 
Squilliam: where's Doctor Crayons?
Squidward: ...how do you know who Doctor Crayons is?
Squilliam: I, uh, er, uh, eh, er.. Nevermind. 
Squidward: (in a suspicious tone) hmmmm…
Squilliam: uhhh, why dont you show me the ropes?
Squidward: hm, I suppose so for an old… Well, not friend, but an old peer. Follow me. (They both walk offscreen)
(Cut to show Squidward and Squilliam in the Throne Room)
Squidward: this is my throne room. I use it to plan things, and give orders to my fellow cultists.
Squilliam: I remember this place.
Squidward: what do you mean, you remember it?! This is the first time you've ever been here!
Squilliam: oh, uh, I was joking. I guess.
Squidward: That's a very weird joke to make. I don't actually see how that could be considered a joke. Are you okay, Squilliam? You've been acting fishy since you've got here. I'm very suspicious of you. 
Squilliam: can we just continue the tour?
Squidward: answer my question first; what's up with you? How are you even slightly aware anything happened when you've been hiding for 2 years?
Squilliam: uh, I, uh (stutters) I put cameras everywhere?
Squidward: cameras?! How did you put cameras anywhere?! Dude, You've been acting so suspicious since you came in! What's wrong with you? (Gasps) are… Are you-
Squilliam: Oh, Squidward! I, uh, brought something for you.
Squidward: you haven't answered any of my-
(Squilliam pulls out a can of Canned Bread and Squidward immediately stops talking and his jaw drops on the floor. Noseward, cleaning Squidward's throne, notices and immediately runs towards Squidward)
Noseward: Squidward, no! That stuff is dangerous!
Squidward: but… It's so good!
Noseward: that stuff's been recalled for years! Its addictive powers are way too strong!
Squilliam: c'mon squidward. You know you want it.
Noseward: SQUIDWARD! RESIST TEMPTATIONS! 
(Security runs in)
Security: OH NO YOU DON'T!
(Security smacks the can out of Squilliam's hand, and it rolls on the floor. Squidward stares at the can while sweating profusely)
Security: SQUILLIAM, CANNED BREAD IS STRICTLY OUTLAWED! HOW ON EARTH DID YOU GET A CAN OF THAT STUFF?
(Squilliam backs into a corner, and Security and Noseward are giving him angry glares. Suddenly, they hear a scream of delight, as they turn around and to their horror, Squidward is eating the Canned Bread)
Security: SQUIDWARD! NOOOOOO!
Noseward: SQUIDWARD! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THAT STUFF WILL DO TO YOU?! 
(Squilliam begins laughing in a strange deep tone)
Security: what're you laughin' at?
(Suddenly, Squilliam grows to 3 times his normal size)
Squidward: (notices Squilliam) wha?
(A burst of light is shown as Squilliam's limp body hits the ground)
Squilliam: (standing up) ow… what the hell happened? Where am I? (Notices everyone looking behind him in fear) what're you guys so scared o- 
(Squilliam turns around and notices Satan hovering above him. He screams, and Satan snaps his finger, imprisoning Squilliam in the Cult Jail, where the bars burn on fire.)
Satan: YOU FOOLS! I WAS MERELY USING THAT BODY AS A VESSEL! AND NOW THAT I'M ON THE INSIDE, AND NOW THAT SQUIDWARD CANT PUT THAT STUPID CANNED BREAD STUFF DOWN, IT'S TIME TO TAKE YOU DOWN! FROM THE INSIDE! 
(Cut to the inside of the cage)
Prisoner: howd you get here?
Squilliam: Satan. (Feels something in his pocket, pulls out the key to the cage) Wait, I have the key! (He opens the cage)
Squidward: good job, Squilliam! I'll lead the prisoners out, and-
(Satan's laugh booms as he becomes even more powerful. Everyone in the Cult looks at him with a worried expression, and Satan's laugh booms as the episode cuts to black suddenly).
==Trivia==
*The episode's title is a reference to the Netflix series of the same name.
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