All 25.2 - Can Go No Further

The late morning weather was pleasant; autumn was upon them, and the air had been cooling as the days progressed. It was much more temperate and civilized here in Tinoco, a stark difference from the empty jungle and chaparral that had been their surroundings for several weeks. They were in a town a few hours away from Duvallon, the city that had been opportunistically conquered by the necromancer they had met the day before. After the events of the previous day and this morning, and their effects on some of their teammates, the group had wordlessly decided to take the day to rest, not least of all because Ryuji was still unconscious in Clover's body. Lucca poked about the town, looking at what it had to offer. He felt someone come up behind him, and he turned to see a short, aging woman with a round face: Cheko's human disguise. "Hi Hun," she said, and her voice was weary and tired. "I...Could we talk, for a bit? There's a nice spot, over there." She pointed over her shoulder, and Lucca knew that she was referring to a little parkette that doubled as a graveyard, behind a small church nearby.
Lucca blinked, a tinge of concern colouring his expression. "Yeah, for sure, of course." He nodded, falling into step with her as they headed towards the spot, "What's up?"
"It's just...everything that's been happening...I don't know," she stammered. The pair walked over to the grassy spot and sat beneath the large shade tree that dominated the area. Cheko's face was a picture of worry, and sadness, and exhaustion. They sat quietly for a long time, letting the fall breeze rustle the branches above them. "I...I don't know how to handle all of this..." Cheko finally said, her voice low. "First the wolves, then the body switching, then devils, and now..." She looked to be at the point of tears. "It's just so horrible, all of it. And I know...I know y'all need all the help you can get, but...but I don't know if I can keep doin' this." She wiped at her eyes, "I...I know you and Mr. Erzebet are close and all, but...but he's frightening. He just...killed that little girl, Nina. Didn't wait for her to wake up or nothin', just took her life right there. An' I know it ain't his fault, that she was burning things and had to be stopped but...but that wasn't right, and it ain't the only thing 'bout him either. He's always been like that, long before his spell came peelin' off. Him an' the doctor both. They're...frightening people. An' I guess, I guess it takes a frightenin' person to do what's gotta be done but...but I ain't. I ain't a frightening gal. I get scared. All of this, it's awful work, awful things. Seeing people get hurt, get killed. We were there, when a whole city died, and let the man who did it leave. I can't keep living this. ...An', I don't have a home. We've been travellin' for weeks and weeks and weeks, an'...it's tiring. I'm a scout, sure, but...thing about scouts is, we go home. We always go home. This has been so long, and so tiring, and so horrible, I don't know how much longer I can keep going."
Lucca intially looked taken aback, but it only lasted for a few seconds before being replaced with a look of sympathetic concern. "Cheko...I..." He began, pausing to collect his thoughts. Taking a deep breath, he continued, "I don't blame you for being scared and upset...the stuff we've been doing, the things that we've seen...it all really sucks so hard, it's terrible. Especially the recent stuff, you're absolutely right...it's really been shit. The only advice I can really give you is to say you've just gotta take it a day at a time, and keep focused on why we're doing this, you know? That's what I've been doing...Because leaving everyone to frozen by the All, or waiting to get attacked by them...we can't do that either, that's at least just as bad as some of the shit we've dealt with so far. In my opinion, it's worse. So we've just gotta keep going forward, one day at a time, keep fighting so that we can go home...so that everyone can go home, can have their lives back." He paused and sighed softly, "It's hard...we didn't get any choice in it, and honestly, I'm pretty sure almost none of us would have volunteered for this job...to have to be the poor saps that have to see and do these kinds of things, that have to make these sorta sacrifices on behalf of the whole friggen world...it's balls. But now that we're here, and we're it, we've just gotta do our best, right?" Pursing his lips, he fell silent for a moment. When he continued, there was an odd gravity to his tone, "You're not wrong about Victor and the doctor...they are scary people, who'll do some awful things, if need be...but it's also true that we need people like them, especially on this 'mission' or whatever you wanna call it. Because there are some awful things that need to get done in order to put this all right again, you know? And most of us can't fathom doing those sorts of things...so they get them done, and spare us that. But the thing is, Cheko, we need people like you too, just as bad as we need them. People who aren't frightening, who will stand up and say 'hey, this crap is terrible! Maybe let's look for a better way!', people who don't forget about all the others caught up in this, like the people in that city...We need people who care about the world in the way you do, who don't forget about the living, breathing, feeling creatures we're fighting for, who can't stand to see them suffer and will want to heal this world, or at least mitigate the hurt...cause spirits know, it's gonna need it..."
Cheko listened to this, looking at Lucca sadly, nodding slightly as he finished. She looked at the grass for a few minutes, then said, "I need...I think need a rest, Lucca. Just some time to not travel, not see terrible things. Because...because I worry. When you see all of this, these terrible things...how do you manage it? I worry that, if I keep pushing, keep having to see more and more, the only way I'll be able to go forward is if I make myself cold. Frightening people...it takes a frightening person, to watch these things, do these things, without falling apart. I don't want to be that. It was bad enough, having to be...in Ryuji's body. That's enough to drive anyone to madness. AllFather knows what I would do if that was permanent. It wouldn't take long, to stop caring. To stop feeling. To just...do what needs to be done, and heck to everyone else. I don't want to be that. I don't want to be a predator, a killer, someone who's dead inside, someone who killed their heart to stop it from hurting for other people because it got too much to bear." Tears welled in her eyes as she continued, "I can't give up on everyone. I can't give up on saving my family, my home, and everyone else's families and homes. But...right now...I need to stop." She sniffed and said hoarsely, "I can't even look at him. I can't. That mage took out Ryuji's heart with a word and the monster that he is nearly killed me and you and everyone else, because that's all it is. All that evil husk is, is death." Her voice trembled, "An', an' I feel awful for thinking it, because Ryuji tries so hard, but he's trapped in that undead thing and it's no good. No good." Wiping her eyes again, she added, "Mr. Erzebet, Ryuji and the doctor...they're all frightening. Terrible things happen around them and to them and they do what they can and need to do, I'm sure, but that doesn't stop them and their events from being horrible. I don't want...don't want to wake up one day and find that I'm horrible too."
The druid looked at her for a long moment, his expression pained before turning his gaze upward. He watched the light dancing through the leaves above them for a while before answering quietly, "I don't think you could ever be cold or heartless or horrible. Not you, not even if you tried. And I definitely don't think you should try; your warmth and compassion...those are some of your best traits, and you've got more of both than practically anyone else I know. If time is what you need, distance, a break, I'm positive we can figure something out. Spirit's know you certainly have earned it; you've already gone so far, done so much, fought so hard. And there's really no sense in making yourself suffer for this, more than you already have...there's more than enough of that around here already." He sighed, his gaze dropping to his hands as he tugged absently at a loose thread on his glove, "Much as I'd rather you stayed with us, you've gotta do what's best for you, right? 'Cause ultimately, that's what's gonna be best for everyone; you can't fight if you fall apart. Not that that's even the most important reason, either, but you know." He looked over at her and gave a small, sad smile, "Much as I'd miss you...we'd all miss you, I don't want you to have to keep feeling like this, it ain't fair, or right. You know yourself and your limits; I support you doing whatever you need to do..." He paused to consider for a moment before asking, "What are you thinkin'? I'd imagine you could go hang with Bastion and Caitlyn and Shintaro, in Engiadina. Then you'd at least be able to keep in touch, and be with people you know...friends...and we'd be able to pop in with the boat if you needed, or wanted...Or do you have something else in mind?"
Cheko put her hand on Lucca's, and he could feel her mimigan hand, small and fluffy despite what her current appearance suggested. She returned his sad smile, "I'm sorry, Hun, I don't want you feeling like I'm leaving for good, or giving up. I just...need to feel safe, for a bit. You know how it is. Put a kit out in the tunnels, and before long it gets too much and he's gotta go back to his bed for a bit, until he feels like he can take on the world again. I just need to go to bed for a bit, get some rest. I want to go back to my home, but, that's not something I can do yet. And I don't want to be alone. Being alone in a strange place, with no way to get home...that's the worst feeling, worse than this. You're right, maybe I should go stay with Caitlyn and Bastion for a bit...I'm sure they've got homes, maybe they won't mind me around for a little while, until I feel better." She fiddled her fingers together, "I'll worry. Worry about all of you, especially you and Virgil. Worry that I might miss something that you need me for; that if something goes wrong, it was because I wasn't there. But, if I don't get my head together, I won't be much help then either."
"Pssh, don't you apologize to me, woman! There's not one damn thing to be sorry for, kay? I understand, totally." After a few seconds hesitation, he turned his hand over and gave her paw a light squeeze, continuing with a firm nod, "You gotta do what you gotta do to take care of you, and that's what's most important. Engiadina is probably the best place, considering the current situation. I'm positive not only will they not mind you hanging out for a bit, but will downright love to see you again. Especially Cait and Shintaro, they've probably missed you like no tomorrow." He offered another faint smile, his tone reassuring, "And hey, you don't gotta worry about us too much. I'm sure we'll be alright...if you are worrying, just toss one of us a sending anytime, eh? Or else Ryu and Cait have those funky rings, I'm sure you could ask her to check in too, right? And then you, Bastion, and Pierce can all teleport, if we really needed, plus the boat transit circle things...Point is, we have a heck of a lotta magic kickin' around, between the bunch of us, so it wont even be like we're that far, right?"
"I know, I know. But you know me. I fuss anyways." She wiped her eyes once more, "I am sorry though. This isn't the sort of thing that someone should give up on...but I'm not giving up. I'll take a break, stay with them for a little while, and as soon as I'm feeling up to it again, I'll catch up. Or if there's anything you need me for, let me know and I'll be right there, don't you worry. I don't want you thinking that you can't count on me."
"We'd never think that, Cheko...I certainly wouldn't, at any rate. We've always been able to count on you, no matter how hard of a thing we've needed. And I know you're not giving up; take as much time as you've gotta, get feelin' better, and we'll come get you when you're ready, kay?" He tilted his head slightly, and after a moment tentatively placed his hand on her shoulder, "And hey, don't feel bad about this, kay? You keep apologizing and you really, really don't gotta. It's totally cool."
She smiled, "Well, it won't be 'totally cool' 'till we're all home and safe, but you're right. I'll try my best."
"True, very true." He conceeded, adding quietly, "Here's hoping we manage it sooner rather than later; I think we're all well beyond ready for this business to be done." To this, Cheko nodded. With that, the pair sat quietly, enjoying the peace of the morning breeze.
Category:Advent of the All