Doh's Henry Hideout/Chapter 4

Chapter written by and .
Doh sat up from the covers on the floor in which he had been sleeping on. He looked around to see that the wagon had stopped completely, and every Henry was lying down in covers beside him. Stelios was dangerously close to Osaka.
“It’s bright outside...” Doh got up and stood by the driver’s seat at the front of the wagon. The sun shone almost directly above his head. It was pretty late in the day, and the other Henries had obviously slept in way too late.
“Guys! Wake up!” Doh shouted as he flailed his arms about.
“FUCK OFF!” Osaka threw a notebook out of his bag directly at Doh’s forehead. Doh fell directly onto the ground, backwards. The other Mails all got up, and prepared for the long drive across the other half of the Atlantic Ocean.
Spark yawned as he stepped into the driver’s seat. He pushed his foot down against the pedal and allowed the boatwagon to move forward quickly.
“This chapter is boring because I don’t have a very good sense of comedy,” Osaka said as he pulled a drink out of the fridge located at the right side of the van. He began intently drinking it.
“Well fuck that shit,” grumbled Spark sleepily. “Just watch Community or something. I’m too tired to be funny.”
“NO WE CAN’T HAVE A BORING CHAPTER!” Osaka shouted. “THAT’S NOTHING LIKE HENRY HISTORY. WE NEED MIDDY TO SAY A DERAILING ONE-LINER.” Osaka turned his head towards Middy.
“N-word,” Middy responded.
Osaka suddenly burst out in laughter. “Good one, Middy!”
Stiliose suddenly decided that it was his turn for the comedic spotlight. He approached both Midpulse and Osaka, and nodded, then said, “...”
“Okay. I think we’re almost there,” Mapman said.
“We’re still on the ocean,” Osaka said. “Egypt is pretty far in-land...”
“Fuck you guys also we’re almost somewhere,” said Sprak in a monotone voice.
“What the hell did we do?” Tenshi asked.
Elise still lay down under her covers, fast asleep. She sat up and yawned loudly, and watched as the Mails fiercely argued. She decided not to get up.
“Ehm...maybe I shouldn’t have woken them up,” Doh said to himself.
“Hey guys I exist-” Hayden was interrupted by the changing of scenes.
Hours later, the Mails had crossed the border of Egypt by half an inch, when, suddenly, they ran into a massive pyramid. It was about 40 meters tall.
“Whelp,” Osaka said. “Is that it, Mapman?”
“Holy hell you’re racist,” Midpulse said. “That’s a vicious stereotype. There are over a million pyramids in Egypt, you fuckass.”
”Ksorry.”
“But, this is it,” Mapman finished.
“All right!” Stiliose jumped out of the wagon from the back door and was suddenly in another country due to them hardly being across the border. Stiliose was taken by a group of Libyan soldiers due to the fact that he did not have a passport.
“Is that how government works in places that aren’t America?” Osaka asked.
“Not as far as I know,” Spark responded.
“Well, whatever,” Doh said. “It’s not like we need that guy! I don’t even like him!”
“Yeah, feck Stiliose,” Osaka said.
“Uh,” Tenshi said. “Shouldn’t we get going?”
“Hey, guys, what’s up?” Elise walked up behind the other Mails.
“We’ve arrived at the place where we are to get our next Henry Artifact,” Osaka said. “We have three at the moment! This should be easy.”
“Hey, guys, I still exist-” Hayden was interrupted by the sound of some cartoony scene-changing transition thing.
The nine stood in the pyramid’s entrance. They looked at each other awkwardly and began to step forward across the straight hallway. It seemed to go on forever.
“Wait, you guys!” Osaka said. “I think you’re forgetting about the fact that every Egyptian pyramid has TRAPS!”
“Oh fuck, we’re all gonna die.” said Sprak.
“No, we’ll be okay, as long as we continue carefully and-” Osaka was interrupted by arrows which flew from the left wall. They all struck at different parts of his body, many of them flying all the way through it and hitting the right wall.
“H-Henry...” Osaka fell to the ground, covered in blood, completely dead.
“Oh,” everyone else responded as they looked at him lying on the ground.
“We should probably heed his advice from now on and continue carefully,” Midpulse said, “rather than being the idiots we are and storming through with our minds completely blank.”
“We could use the Henry Artifacts!” Doh said. “They sure do give us a lot of power.”
“No, we shouldn’t waste them,” Spark said. “We have to save them for the fight with PG.”
“But, listen, bro,” Doh said, following the rest of the group as they walked forward. “We could probably even bring Osaka back to life with these things! They’re that powerful!”
“Is Osaka even worth bringing back?” Midpulse said.
“He was kind of like our leader,” Elise responded. “And it’s important that we have one of-” Elise was interrupted by the sound of her stepping on a tile on the ground. A massive, Indiana Jones-esque boulder began to roll up behind the group.
“OH, SHIT!” basically everyone who was impure shouted.
The group began to run quickly away from the boulder as it sped up behind them, and it gained on them continuously. They all were running as fast as they possibly could.
“I exist!” Hayden shouted as he was crushed by the boulder.
“Middy! Blow that shit up!” shouted Sprak. “Use the magic machine gun launching grenade shooter canon!”
“K,” Middy said. He pulled his massive, uh, weapon off of his back, and shot the boulder. It exploded into millions of bits, leaving the Henries completely safe from the dangerous trap.
“Shit,” Mapman said. “I think we lost someone back there.”
“It was Hayden. How do you not even notice that, bro?” Spark asked.
“I was too busy running for my life,” Mapman responded.
“No matter,” Tenshi said. “The most important thing to us now is that we make it to the end of the pyramid and get the Henry Artifact.”
“No matter? You idiot! Hayden is dead!” Spark shouted angrily.
“No one seemed to care when Osaka died,” Tenshi said. “We barely even knew Hayden.”
“B-but he was still a Henry! A person! You people disgust me,” shouted Sprak. “I’m going my own way at the next fork; I don’t want to be surrounded by a bunch of people that don’t value human life."
“Wait, so Osaka isn’t a Henry OR person?” Elise raised her eyebrow.
“Have fun going on your own,” Doh said to Spark.
A few meters later, the path went both left and right. Spark kicked the ground and turned to the right angrily. After noticing that it was a dead end, he turned around. A wall dropped down in front of him, trapping him in that small space for the rest of his life.
“SPAAAAAAAAAARK!” Elise shouted, tearfully.
“Now there are only five of us,” Tenshi said.
“Reminds me of the original Henry Mails,” Midpulse said.
“Me, too!” Mapman shouted. “Those were some fun times, right guys?”
“Uh, bro, you weren’t there when there were five of us.”
“Nevertheless, we should continue,” Tenshi said.
“Aye,” Doh responded. “Hey, guys, now there’s no Spark to stop me from using the Henry Artifacts!” He smiled widely, and turned to Elise. “Elise. Do you want to use this artifact here...” Doh held up one of the capsules. “...to take us through the rest of the pyramid or something?”
Elise wiped the tears from her face and nodded. She took the artifact, and focused on it intently, suddenly, a surge of energy exploded from the capsule and made Elise fly far back. She hit the wall that Spark was trapped in, and fell to the ground, completely motionless.
“SHIT!” Midpulse said. “WE’RE DYING TOO FAST OUT HERE.”
“There’s four of us!” Mapman shouted. “Now this reminds me of the original Henry Mails, right guys?”
Midpulse held his magical bazooka up to Mapman’s head and said, “Child, if you say a single word throughout the rest of the pyramid, I will be the one to kill you.”
Mapman gulped, then nodded, feafully.
“Damnit...” Doh picked up the capsule that Elise had dropped off of the ground and put it in his pocket. “I guess it’s a bad idea to use these. Or, at least before, y’know, the battle with Psycho.”
“You should have learned a lesson by now,” Tenshi said to everyone else. “We need to proceed carefully.”
“THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING THIS WHOLE FUCKING TIME,” Midpulse told.
The Mails then approached a path that forked four ways. Perfect. They looked amongst each other and saw a board on a stand in the middle of the path. It read, “ثلاثة مسارات صحيحة. واحد هو الفخ.”
“What the hell is that?” Midpulse asked.
“Oh! I know this! It says-” Mapman was interrupted by Midpulse holding the gun up to his head once again. Mapman shrugged, trying to signify that he did not know.
“Well, there are four of us here, and four paths. We may as well split up,” Tenshi told. The four Mails did exactly that, and each went into a different path.
Each path was surprisingly trap-free. Except for the one that Tenshi had taken. As soon as he approached a brick wall directly in front of him, flames began to spark beneath his feet. The flames grew quickly until they completely engulfed Tenshi, murdering him.
The remaining three Mails met at the end of their paths, and looked amongst each other. They were shocked to see that Tenshi had not made it there, but they weren’t really that shocked because it wasn’t that big of a surprise that someone died in this chapter.
“So, no Tenshi?” Midpulse asked.
Mapman and Doh both shook their heads.
“I don’t think it’s much of a worry of us getting the Artifact anymore,” Doh said, “It’s more of just fear for our lives. I miss our friends, even though I didn’t know them very well at all.”
“Stop being such a pussy,” Midpulse said.
“Hey, fuck you,” Doh said. “Don’t try to act like you haven’t been scared at all during this-” Doh was interrupted by the sight of a blade suddenly slicing horizontally from the ceiling, cutting Midpulse in half. He fell down, dead.
“Yay! I can talk!” Mapman said.
Doh sighed. “It’s only us two now. This is gonna be ten times harder.”
“Oh, well. My map tells me that we’re almost to the end-” Mapman was interrupted.
“WHAT!?” Doh angrily roared. “YOU HAVE A MAP!? COULDN’T YOU HAVE FUCKING DIRECTED US THROUGH THIS PLACE WITHOUT BEING HIT BY TRAPS?”
“Middy wouldn’t let me talk-”
“Fuck you, man.” Doh ran ahead without Mapman.
“Whelp,” Mapman said to himself. “I guess I’m on my own-” Mapman was interrupted by the same blade that had killed Middy cutting him, too. Mapman fell down to the ground, dead.
“I’m alone now,” Doh said. “I hope I don’t die!”
“Hey, Osaban!” a voice shouted from ahead of Doh. “I was told you’d be coming, so I was sent here to protect some artifact.”
“Nice,” Doh responded. “But you’ve got the wrong person. I’m not Osaka.”
“Huh?” a figure walked out of the darkness ahead of him. It was Pablo, a resident at the Fantendo hotel. He looked directly into the eyes of Doh and frowned. “Where’s Oscake?”
“Dead,” Doh responded. “But your home was burned down.”
“What?”
“So, we’re gonna fight, right?”
Pablo nodded. He held out the Henry Artifact, and focused on it. A ray of light shot out from the capsule, and flew towards Doh. Doh barely jumped over, aside from the attack, and was not hit.
“What? You’re not supposed to use that!” Doh said. He got one of his own artifacts and made a mountain rise from underneath Pablo.
Pablo was tossed into the air, and began to fall towards Doh. Doh used the energy of his artifact again and made himself fly into the air towards Pablo. He was uppercutted by a powerful punch from Doh, and sent higher into the air, only to clash back down into the ground. He was unable to get up.
“Basically, I used the same strategy as when I fought Klaasy.” Doh took the capsule out of Pablo’s hand and began to walk out of the room.
“Good job!” A voice came from in front of Doh.
“Huh?”
He noticed that the other eight were standing in front of him mysteriously. They were all unscathed and looked just as they did before they had entered the pyramid.
“What...the hell?” Doh asked. “How are you back?”
“Ah,” Stiliose said. “It’s a long and uninteresting story that I do not wish to remember.”
“More importantly,” Osaka said, intentionally changing the subject. “We got the Henry Artifact! We can continue on to the North Pole!” Osaka giggled at use of the words “North Pole”.
“Well, okay...” Doh was absolutely confused, but didn’t let it bother him too much because this is a Henry Mails fan fic, damn it.
The group all walked back out of the pyramid. After they got in their wagon, Elise sat in the driver’s seat, and turned it to the north. She drove the wagon forward, on their way to the North Pole.
“Onward!" Osaka shouted. "To the North Pole!"
"Say, I wonder what the feck PG must be doing," Mapman said. "We haven't seen him in a while!"
"Don't worry about it!" Hayden said. "We'll defeat him, no matter what, with the help of the Henry Artifacts!"
"Yeah!" Doh said, smiling. He looked down at the artifact that he had used in battle, and gasped as he noticed that only 50% of its energy was still remaining. He hid it in his pocket and decided not to let the others know.
END OF CHAPTER.
Category:Doh's Henry Hideout
Category:Chapters
Category:Fan Fiction
Category:Fan Fic Chapters