Lord Barney's Inauguration Speech

Written by Ninjago_Builders
Posted on 8-30-15
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This is an excerpt from Lord Barney’s speech upon his inauguration as chief of police:
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Oh goodie! I’m sooo glad that King Dude made me the official lawmaker. This is going to be so much fun!!!
Law #1: Always obey all laws.
Law #2: Don’t obey the laws if we tell you not to.
Law #3: Always look both ways before crossing the street, on penalty of smash. In the long run it’ll save lives!
Law #4: You have the right of free speech and you can say whatever you want. (Though you may be smashed if it’s not something we want)
Law #5: Sharing is caring! Make sure to “share” all valuables with the Dude’s royal treasury on pain of smash.
Law #6: If you manage to capture an evil KOTOS knight, you will get a million dollar reward! (Which will then be transferred to the royal treasury on account of Law #5
Law #7: You must sing the Barney theme song after every meal.
Law #8: You must watch the Barney TV show at least five hours a day.
Law #9: You must play the Barney theme song every night while you sleep. We will be installing security cameras in your homes to ensure cooperation.
Law #10: Always eat your vegetables!! These vegetables are provided by The Dude and will be served free of charge with every meal because they will make you hypnotized and submissive…oh, I mean they will make you big and strong.
Law #11: Never be mean to other people or you’ll be smashed!
Law #12: You have the right to remain silent while we torture you for information.
Law #13: Originally I was going to order the burning of all books that are contrary to our laws, but Lord Vladek informed me that burning books has developed a reputation of such infamy that it might cause unrest and/or rebellion. Instead, I decided it would be safer and simpler to smash anyone who reads those books.
Law #14: I am allowed to make up more laws on the spot if I want to. If I don’t like something you are doing, I can make a law prohibiting it and smash you.
Law #15: Just remember, although some of these punishments may seem strict, in the long run it will make a better kingdom. Keep in mind I’m smashing you for your own good!
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Barney stepped down from his podium, satisfied with his work. With The Dude's help, maybe, just maybe, he could transform the world into a better place, a utopia free from evil where children would be nurtured and cared for by the most caring person in the whole wide world: Lord Barney.
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