Dirty's Crimes/transcript

Previous Episode: New House in Town
Next Episode: Little Sister Leni Jr.
== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: February 17, 2007
Episode Copyrighted: 2006
This episode is rated TV-Y7.
Episode begins on the side of a barren road, at first, there is seemingly no life spotted anywhere but there is, well, little…. two old celebrities, one confused, the other cranky, lost, while trying to find an ice cream parlor.
Barnacle Boy: Just face it, you old coot! We’re lost!
Mermaid Man: *pulls out an ancient looking rusty compass that still has its tag from 1920 on it* I have had this compass since the 1st Bikini War! It never lies!
Barnacle Boy: It's pointing south! We’re as north as a tundra.
A fish named Francine passes by in Winter wear.
Francine the Fish: Happy travels eskimos! *skies away*
Mermaid Man: Well maybe my compass has malfunctioning batteries.
Barnacle Boy: It is run on half of the Invisible Boatmobile's fuel!
Mermaid Man: Actually all of it.
Barnacle Boy: Wait, what?
The boatmobile then runs out of the last of its gas.
Barnacle Boy: Huh, so our boat just ran out of gas like what, 50 miles away home, nice one oldman!
Mermaid Man: Oldman is my father though.
Barnacle Boy: Just shut it and get the backup gas from the trunk, will ya?!
Mermaid Man: Okay, okay, but bare with me, I accidentally flushed my glasses down the toilet earlier, so I’ll have trouble seeing and I might get the wrong thing… again.
Barnacle Boy: Fine, I'll get it, lazy.
Mermaid Man: *relaxes and eats a half eaten donut*
Barnacle Boy: *angrily grunts to myself and fills up the tank with backup gas*
It is full again and now the two heroes are on the way again, heading back towards Bikini Bottom.
Mermaid Man: Is a football game on tonight Barnacle Boy? You know how much I love football!
Barnacle Boy: Football season doesn’t even start for another three months, are you serious?
Mermaid Man: Then why did I see live football last night on the channel called DVR?!
Barnacle Boy: What the?! DVR isn’t….. ah… never mind.
Suddenly the two heroes hear a scream.
Mermaid Man: See, I knew it! Only somebody screams once a touchdown happens! Hoot! Hoot!
Barnacle Boy: That wasn’t a celebratory scream you bozohead, that was fear. And where did it come from?
Mermaid Man: It's right in front of us.
Barnacle Boy: *puts on my glasses to get a clearer focus*
He sees that the person that screamed was Lincoln, who has been blasted by The Dirty Bubble using his breath of doom.
Dirty Bubble: Hahaha! Stupid naive Loud Brother! Your nose is now trapped by the awesome amazing Dirty Breath of Doom! Hahahahaaa!
Lincoln Loud: I’ll never be able to smell the taste of Mama's Pastries again.
Dirty Bubble: Hahaha!
Barnacle Boy: Oh snap! We gotta save that Loud Kid! Even if he is a nuisance!
Mermaid Man: *steps out of the car* Quick lad! Retrieve the orb of confusion and the cosmic ray!
Mermaid Man's pants then fall down revealing pink polka dotted underwear. He gets embarrassed.
Mermaid Man: And I’ll go fetch another pair of pants! Hehe!
Barnacle Boy: *gets what Mermaid Man told him to retrieve*
Lincoln Loud and Dirty Bubble: *notices him*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yay! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy showed up!
Dirty Bubble: *to Barnacle Boy* Hahaha! And how do you plan to stop me little boy?! Hahaha!
Barnacle Boy: This little boy is going to make you confused and cosmic! *presses the orb of confusion after throwing it*
Dirty Bubble: *bounces away and it affects Lincoln instead*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Duhhhhh uhhhhhh
Barnacle Boy: Fishpaste!
Dirty Bubble: *tries to get away*
Mermaid Man: Stop!
Lincoln Loud: He's getting away! We have to stop him!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay!
Barnacle Boy: I got this, boys! *chases after him*
Dirty Bubble: *turns my head, spits a loogie into Barnacle Boy's face and then hijacks Old Man Jenkins’ new Porsche and drives off to Bikini Bottom*
Lincoln Loud: Old Man Jenkins' new Porsche?
Barnacle Boy: Ughhhh!! I gotta get that disinfectant! *rushes off to the Invisible Boatmobile to retrieve that*
Mermaid Man: *throws a water ball at Lincoln to clean the breath of doom off of him*
Lincoln Loud: Thank you Mermaid Man! You are a lifesaver!
Mermaid Man: Recognition be mine! Now….. you got change so I can buy a taco?
Barnacle Boy: *returns all disinfected* Hey!
Mermaid Man: What? I’m hungry.
Barnacle Boy: We have a mission to attend to!
Mermaid Man: With who?
Barnacle Boy: We’re supposed to stop The Dirty Bubble!
Mermaid Man: Aww, what about Man-Ray?
Barnacle Boy: Get in the boat! Get in the boat!!
Mermaid Man: *pouts and gets into the driver's seat*
Leni Loud: *offscreen* Hey guys!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Leni! Good to see you again!
Leni Loud: I totes love you, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I love you too, Leni! And we can play tag.
Lincoln Loud: May I uh tag along with you guys?
Barnacle Boy: Lincoln, just stay out of this, this is too dangerous for a little kid like you.
Lincoln Loud: But I’m 11 years old!
Mermaid Man: He's right, Barnacle Boy.
Barnacle Boy: How do you think he's right? You don’t even know how to solve the TV remote, you old coot.
Mermaid Man: Never underestimate a fan! They know all the moves! Say SpongeBob? How about joining us in our quest to defeat the Sinister Slug!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Dirty Bubble!
Mermaid Man: Who?
Barnacle Boy: Just get in the boat kids! Ugh, I should’ve brought my aspirin.
Yellow Rectangle: *offscreen* I'm coming, Barnacle Boy. I'm coming. *appears onscreen running*
SpongeBob SquarePants and Lincoln Loud: *gets into the back*
Yellow Rectangle and Leni Loud: *gets into the middle*
Mermaid Man: Next stop! Bottom Bikini!
Barnacle Boy: And right after that, you're an instant intelligence pill.
They drive off.
After driving for one hour, the six finally arrive in Bikini Bottom, which appears as a desolate apocalyptic mayhem. They exit.
Mermaid Man: Now Barnacle Boy? One question.
Barnacle Boy: What?
Mermaid Man: Here
Barnacle Boy: What?
Mermaid Man: What happened here? Did the purge commence?
Barnacle Boy: What?! No! The town has been taken over! By the looks of it!
Mermaid Man: Phew!
Yellow Rectangle: Who do you think has taken it over?
Barnacle Boy: Obviously The Dirty Bubble.
Suddenly, they hear a noise.
Barnacle Boy: Quick hide!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *goes to hide*
Mermaid Man: *stares at a picture of a pretty young woman*
While he's drooling, Barnacle Boy grabs him by the shirt and they hide. Some characters appear that look like the Dirty Bubble but are different colors and likely probably his family, and still dirty.
Yellow Dirty Bubble: Hahaha! Are you sure you heard commotion over here?!
Blue Dirty Bubble: Yes! A three way one! Like when you get three options with a love mate,.. marriage, cheating or a divorce.
Yellow Dirty Bubble and Blue Dirty Bubble: Hahahahahha!!
A red Dirty Bubble then shows up.
Red Dirty Bubble: May we end this conversation now, our hero, The original Dirty Bubble, wants us to unclog his toilet, after flushing many of the jerks that are Bikini Bottom down it.
Yellow Dirty Bubble, Red Dirty Bubble and Blue Dirty Bubble: Hahahahahahah!
The three laughing morons leave while also choking on some of their mucus from laughing so much as such corny jokes.
Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle, Lincoln and Leni Loud: *comes out of hiding*
Barnacle Boy: Man, they need to take a comedy class, those jokes were stupid.
Mermaid Man: Well that three way one was pretty clever though!
Barnacle Boy: Zip it.
Mermaid Man: Yes ma’am.
Barnacle Boy: Der, urrrr, forget it, anyways, lets find out what happened to the people of Bikini Bottom.
Lincoln Loud: Like now!
Mermaid Man: Moo!
Barnacle Boy: What?
Mermaid Man: Lincoln said “like a cow!” A cow goes moo!
Barnacle Boy: And an old fart goes shut the mouth up.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Focus!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle, Lincoln, Leni Loud, Barnacle Boy and Mermaid Man: *passes by some buildings*
The Barg-N-Mart has been turned into the “Comedy Bubble,” where young Dirty Bubbles learn how to do the recurrent laugh and the Dirty Bubble destroys helium tank destroys cause helium comes out.
Yellow Rectangle: Oh no.
Youth Dirty Bubbles: *high pitched as helium* Hahahahaa!
Yellow Rectangle: *high pitched as helium* What's going on? Are we breathing helium?
Lincoln Loud: *high pitched as helium* We are breathing helium.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *high pitched as helium, laughs* This is fun.
Leni Loud: *high pitched as helium* Yeah, we're breathing helium.
Lincoln Loud: *high pitched as helium* Wow! We had a great day today, did we?
Leni Loud: *high pitched as helium, nods* What are we doing?
SpongeBob SquarePants: *high pitched as helium* Turning off the helium!
Leni Loud: *high pitched as helium, sobs* What'll we do until then?
Lincoln Loud: *high pitched as helium* Well, you could spend time with me, or you could shop at the mall.
Leni Loud: *hugs Lincoln while cries in high pitched as helium*
Lincoln Loud: *pats her on the back, then gets an idea*
Dirty Bubble: *high pitched as helium, evil laughs* You never can stop me!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *high pitched as helium* Dirty Bubble?!
Leni Loud: *faints as helium*
Dirty Bubble: *high pitched as helium* Oh no, I'm really dizzy! *faints as helium*
Lincoln Loud: *high pitched as helium* Sorry, guys. I have to turn off the helium before we get dizzy. *turns off helium and turns voices back to normal*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you okay, Leni?
Leni Loud: Wow, that was fun!
Lincoln Loud: Let's go!
Dirty Bubble: *breathes* Hey, come back! I want to capture you!
There is also the fish dungeon.
Fish 1: Help us!
Fish 2: Please!
Pink Dirty Bubble: Hahaha! Shut up!
The two fishes and the two humans are then viciously beaten with garbage sticks by the Pink and Purple Dirty Bubbles. 
There's also the Lonely Slaves.
Mrs. Puff: I wish computers weren’t banned so that way I can get back online. *sighs and continues to insert her pickaxe into hard rocks while an elderly black Dirty Bubble falls asleep*
And finally The Krusty Krab, now The Original Dirty Bubble's Castle.
SpongeBob SquarePants: We gotta get inside his castle.
Barnacle Boy: How?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Just follow my lead.
Leni Loud: Like totes.
A Brown Dirty Bubble followed by a lime and teal one are passing by.
Brown Dirty Bubble: And that is the story of how I fired a missile launcher up an octopus's behind.
Scene quickly shows Squidward, who has painfully landed on the Moon.
Brown Dirty Bubble, Lime Dirty Bubble and Teal Dirty Bubble: Hahahahaa!
Lime Dirty Bubble: Best game ever! Haha!
Teal Dirty Bubble: Agreed! Hahaha! Hey, a rotten apple!
The three dirty bubbles notice a rotten apple.
Brown Dirty Bubble: Mine!
They have however fallen into a trap and are taken down by SpongeBob, Yellow, Lincoln, Leni, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. The three dirty bubbles are swept into the sewer, a popular vacation spot for many Dirty's and their stolen uniforms are now the six heroes' belongings.
Barnacle Boy: How do you think this will work! We’re not bubbles of dirty soap or whatever gases those fiends are made of!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mermaid Man, in Episode 427, it was confirmed that The Dirty Bubble has a small brain right?
Mermaid Man: Yeah? Why?
Yellow Rectangle: So, even though we may not look anything like them, they will still be too stupid to notice the difference, especially if we have the right uniforms on.
Barnacle Boy: Makes sense.
Mermaid Man: Affirmative.
Lincoln Loud: Okay let's go.
Leni Loud: *squeals* Eeeee.
The six heroes walk to the Dirty Castle while Mermaid Man picks up a discarded Ice Cream he notices and swallows it.
Meanwhile, The Dirty Bubble is playing, “Give The Starfish Wedgies.”
Dirty Bubble: Hahahah! Have I gotten that question correct?
Aquamarine Dirty Bubble: Hahahha! Yes! Trump is a fan of Dirty Bubbles worldwide!
Aquamarine Dirty Bubble and Dirty Bubble: Hahahha!
Red is kidnapped by the Dirty Bubble.
Red Rectangle: Help! Let me outta here!
The starfish is then given another atomic wedgie by a crane.
Patrick Star: Oww! OWW OW! And I still haven’t received my ice cream!
Aquamarine Dirty Bubble and Dirty Bubble: Hahahahha!
The six Dirty's then hear some people enter. Mermaid Man, SpongeBob, Yellow, Barnacle Boy, Lincoln and Leni but to them, just more members of the family clan.
Dirty Bubble: Hahahha! May I help you Brown, Lime and Teal?!
Brown (Barnacle Boy): Haha. Yes, I would like for you to deliver your innermost secrets to us,.. haha ha ha, our laugh though right.
Dirty Bubble: Hahaha! I do love our annoying laughs! Well wait, all family members know our in's and outs.
Brown (Barnacle Boy): Haha, I uh forgot, short term memory loss. Haha.
Teal (SpongeBob SquarePants): Same, Haha.
Red (Yellow Rectangle): Yeah.
Yellow (Lincoln Loud): Dirty Bubble.
Pink (Leni Loud): You're going down, Dirty Bubble.
Lime (Mermaid Man): Is there prune juice and broccoli tonight?
Brown (Barnacle Boy): *to Mermaid Man* Shut it!
Dirty Bubble: Hahaha! You sure know how to joke around Lime! You know! Garbage Apples as always!
Lime (Mermaid Man): Yay! I mean Ew!
Dirty Bubble: Ew indeed! Hahahahahah! Now, I will spill some more secrets, follow me! Haha!
Dirty Bubble brings his “relatives” to the “Garbage Room.” Aquamarine pulls Patrick's underwear over his head in extreme pain everywhere.
Red Rectangle: We're stuck here, Patrick!
Patrick Star: Owwwwww!! You’re my favorite color though!
Aquamarine Dirty Bubble: Hahahahah!
Continuing…
Dirty Bubble: Haha, now brace yourselves, these secrets are crazy!
Red (Yellow Rectangle): Haha lay it on us boss man.
Teal (SpongeBob SquarePants): Bring it on.
Brown (Barnacle Boy): Haha.
Lime (Mermaid Man): What are we laughing about?
Dirty Bubble: First I have..
Suddenly the White Dirty Bubble rushes in in a panic.
White Dirty Bubble: Sir, six were kidnapped.
Dirty Bubble: Hahaha, wait what?
White Dirty Bubble: Yellow, Red, Pink, Brown, Teal and Lime Dirty Bubbles are missing, there's three impostors.
Dirty Bubble: Impossible! They are right here!
The two dirty bubbles however notice the six running away and then the costumes falling making them run faster.
The Dirty Bubble now sees their real identities.
Dirty Bubble: Hahaha! You gotta be kidding me! Stay here. *gives chase*
Lincoln Loud: Come on! We have to search this castle for something that can save Bikini Bottom and Royal Woods!
They pass by the room from before.
Patrick Star and Red Rectangle: *notices them*
Patrick Star: Hey SpongeBob!
Red Rectangle: Hey Yellow!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Can’t talk Pat and Red!
Dirty Bubble: Yeah, can’t talk Pat and Red! HAHAHAHAHA! COME HERE!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Yellow Rectangle: *screams* AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!
Barnacle Boy: Left!
They turn left.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Another left!
They turn left.
Mermaid Man: Right!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Yellow Rectangle, Lincoln, Leni Loud and Barnacle Boy: Other right!
They make a third left.
Dirty Bubble: Hahahahahahah!
The six heroes enter a room and are shocked to see the rest of the townspeople imprisoned in there.
Townsperson: Save us!
Lincoln Loud: We will later!
Townsperson: Now!
Barnacle Boy: We have to get rid of The Dirty Bubble!
Mermaid Man: Yeah!
His pants fell down again and he put them up to hold them there.
A female townsperson then grabs something.
Townsperson: Here! Use my pencil to get rid of him!
Lincoln Loud: *grabs the pencil*
Dirty Bubble: *arrives* Hahahahahahah! There you are!
SpongeBob SquarePants: You sir, have one annoying laugh.
Lincoln Loud: *gives the pencil to SpongeBob*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *throws the pencil very fast so the enemy won’t have time to escape*
Dirty Bubble: *screams* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
The pencil hits the fiend popping him.
The townspeople cheer.
Barnacle Boy: You did it SpongeBob! You saved us!
Leni Loud: You're the best, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Indeed! Still some “maintenance work” though.
Barnacle Boy: Oh right. *grabs out my Mermarang as well as Mermaid Man's*
Since he has fallen asleep and attaches two more pencils thrown down to him and sends them out. The Mermarangs target each remaining Dirty Bubble and pop all 78 of 81 of them through a montage. They receive the mermarangs back. The slide transition cuts to Bikini Bottom being normal again. SpongeBob is cooking up a Krabby Patty at The Krusty Krab while Barnacle Boy is cashier in Squidward's place since the octopus is still on the Moon. They then see Mermaid Man having trouble with reception on the TV.
Mermaid Man: Oh come on! I want my football!
Barnacle Boy: In three months.
Mermaid Man, while still looking at the TV, throws his mermarang at Barnacle Boy to quiet him down.
Barnacle Boy: Ow! Jerk!
However, everybody, even Mermaid Man laughs since it was just a joke.
Leni Loud: *offers my left hand and smiles* Oh, I have an idea: Krabby Patties.
Screen cuts to the sewers where the real Red, Yellow, Pink, Brown, Teal and Lime Dirty Bubbles are enjoying a “vacation” and smelling the horrible fumes that are good to them.
Brown Dirty Bubble: Now what?
Screen fades in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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