An Eventful Discussion

An Eventful Discussion is the first episode of season two, and the eighth episode overall, of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on August 10, 2020.
==Plot==
As the impeachment inquiry into President Trump begins, the Democratic candidates have a tense debate.
==Transcript==
Mr. Chillyrooster: Welcome one, welcome all! To the third Democratic debate, LIVE from Bass Vegas! Coming right of the heels of the House opening an impeachment inquiry into President Donald Trump-
Mr. Pepperchicken: Hooray! Hopefully now we can get Mike Pence, a TRUE fighter for the heterosexual cause in there!
Mr. Chillyrooster: As I was saying...the candidates are sure to have lots to talk about. Let’s start with Biden, since you’re directly implicated in this. What do you have to say about President Trump attempting to get dirt on you?
Mr. Biden: Well I think what it shows is that I’m the one Trump’s most afraid of. I mean, look at these other guys. Do you think Trump’s scared of Travis?
[cut to Mr. Pineapple with his head down on the podium, snoring]
Mr. R’Onion: Travis! Wake up! We’re in the debate! You’re falling incredibly behind!
[cut back back to Mr. Biden]
Mr. Biden: Exactly.
Mr. Chillyrooster: Trump has defended himself, claiming he was only seeking to investigate corruption regarding you and your son. Are you corrupt?
Mr. Biden: Why, of course! Uh...not! Of course not!
[cut to Mr. Banana in the audience facepalming]
Mr. Pepperchicken: Mr. Sanders, Mr. Biden says that he’s the candidate President Trump’s most afraid of. Your response?
Mr. Sanders: Well, let’s get clear about one thing. Who Trump’s most afraid of doesn’t actually matter. In case you couldn’t tell, Trump is a bit of a blasted buffoon. His political instincts are horrendous, you trust him to correctly identify who his most formidable opponent is?
Mr. G: What Trump is really afraid of is someone who can toe-to-toe with him on the battlefield. As an experienced war criminal, I know exactly how to defeat my enemies. Trust me.
Mr. Biden: Hey, you’re not the only war criminal on stage, buddy! I’m the original!
[ICC Officer Johnson can seen behind Biden, attempting to handcuff him]
Mr. Biden: Hey! Get off of me, Jack! Don’t you know Bikini Bottom is above the law?
[ICC Officer Nancy handcuffs Kelpy G]
Officer Nancy: You too, buddy.
Mr. G: Gah! [squirts ink all over Nancy]
Officer Johnson: [turns toward Mr. G] Hey!
[suddenly Officer Johnson is punched by Biden]
Mr. Biden: Don’t think you can take me down easily! I fought Corn Pop!
[cut to Mr. Pepperchicken]
Mr. Pepperchicken: Uh...it looks like the candidates are a little busy right now, folks. We’ll see you after the break.
[return to debate]
Mr. Chillyrooster: Well folks, we’re back and the ICC officers have been disposed of.
Mr. Pepperchicken: Yep. Once I found out they had prosecuted King Krba of Far-Out Ville for persecution of homosexuals, I knew we had to get rid of them immediately.
Mr. Chillyrooster: Now, uh, where were we? Oh yeah. Mr. Pineapple, some have characterized President Trump’s actions as treason. Would you agree with such an assessment?
[cut to Mr. Pineapple, still sleeping. Mr. Biden can be seen behind him, sniffing his hair]
Mr. Biden: Mhm, smells like pineapple.
Mr. Pineapple: [suddenly wakes up] GAH! [runs away]
Mr. Biden: Hey! Come back here, you fine beautiful woman! [chases Travis]
Mr. Pineapple: STAY AWAY FROM ME, JOE!
Mr. Biden: Oh, I love it when they play hard to get! It’s just like the old days!
[suddenly Travis Pineapple slams into a wall]
Mr. Biden: I’ve got you cornered now!
[Mr. Biden grins, pulling down Travis’ pants and underwear. Suddenly, the grin disappears from his face.]
Mr. Biden: Ah man, it’s a guy?! No one told me that, Jack!
[cut to Mr. Banana in the audience, bragging to a fellow audience member]
Mr. Banana: I taught him everything he knows!
[cut back to the debate stage, Mr. Pineapple returning to it with his clothes back on]
Mr. Chillyrooster: Ah! Mr. Pineapple, now that you’ve returned from Mr. Biden’s attempted rape of you, back to our original question: Some have characterized President Trump’s actions as treason. Would you agree with such an assessment.?
Mr. Pineapple: Of course not! What Trump did here wasn’t nearly as cool as treason!
Mr. Chillyrooster: Trying to get dirt on a political opponent from a foreign country isn’t treason?
Mr. R’Onion: I for one do not see the issue with someone having dirt on them. We act like it’s a bad thing! Dirt is a natural substance. It’s pure earth. I myself soak in soil for at least thirty minutes everyday.
Mr. Pepperchicken: Uh...okay then. Well, one final question. As you may recall, a while ago, Paul Renaud dropped out of the Democratic primary to run for the Libertarian nomination. So tonight I’m asking the rest of you: Do you pledge to support the eventual Democratic nominee?
Mr. G: No.
Mr. R’Onion: No.
Mr. Pineapple: No.
Mr. Sanders: Yes.
Mr. Biden: No.
Mr. Pepperchicken: Biden, you won’t support the Democratic nominee?
Mr. Biden: Not if one of these damn fool radical leftists wins! Let me tell you something Jack, Trump may not be my first choice, but I’d easily vote for him in a contest against Bernie Sanders! We absolutely can not allow a communist take-over of this nation.
Mr. Sanders: I’ll have you know I’m far from being a commie. Do you even know what that means, sir?
Mr. Biden: [sweating] Uhh… of course I do.
Mr. Sanders: Come on, spit it out.
Mr. Biden: [pulls out a dictionary] “A person who supports or believes in the principles of communism.” Also known as Mr. Bernie Sanders.
Mr. Sanders: Well, Joe, that is simply not true. I bet your name comes up when you look up corporatist in the dictionary.
Mr. Biden: Indeed it does. My hour a day of dictionary reading gives me the edge I need to sniff the extra hair particle.
Mr. Pineapple: [gulps, nervously moving his podium a foot away]
Mr. Sanders: That’s all I needed.
Mr. Pepperchicken: Welp, we’ve passed the DEADLINE 🚨🚨🚨🚨. Thanks to all of you for tuning in. We’ll see you next time.
[TV shuts off]
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