Troll Playing Game/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the episode "Troll Playing Game".
== ==
(Poppy is running toward Branch’s bunker.)
Poppy: (panting) Branch! (She knocks on the door.) Branch, come quick! A fight’s broken out in the village! (The camera cuts to a fight between a yellow male Troll and a light blue male Troll. They take out feathers.)
All: Tickle fight! (The two male Trolls tickle each other and we go back to Branch’s bunker.)
Poppy: Hello? (She sees a letter.) Hm. "The hatch is unlocked. Enter, players. The Cavern Keeper awaits?" (She pulls the note and she falls through a trapdoor screaming. She lands inside Branch’s bunker where it is dark.) Huh?
Branch: (offscreen) … giant Bergen. Roll five times to see how tall the Bergen is. (Poppy follows the voice.)
Biggie: Oh, yes, that’s right. It’s my turn.
Branch: My character has… (Poppy sees a dice roll by.)
Poppy: What the? (She looks through a door.)
Dennis: … does have plus-five intelligence from the scrapbook. (Poppy turns the light on and Branch gasps.)
Smidge, Biggie, and Dennis: Poppy!
Branch: W-what are you doing here?
Poppy: I was gonna ask you the same question. Hm?
Branch: Uh…
Biggie: We’re playing that fun game Branch invented. Cupcakes & Caverns!
Poppy: A game?
Smidge: You know, Poppy. Branch says he invites you to play with us every month, but you’re always too busy.
Poppy: Too busy to play a fun game? Guys, does that sound like me… at all?
All: Hm?
Branch: Um… Oh, well… See, I, um…
Poppy: Hm?
Branch: (sighs) OK, I never invited Poppy. (His friends gasp.)
Smidge: Oh, my Guh! Oh, my Guh! Oh, my Guh!
Branch: Look, I apologize, all right? I didn’t think you’d like it, Poppy. You tend to prioritize fun over rules, and the best part about this game is the rules. (He shows a book called “The Rules”.)
Poppy: Well, does this mean if I promise to follow the rules I can join in?
Biggie: Ooh! Can she? Branch?
Smidge: Branch? (Mr. Dinkles pops up.)
Mr. Dinkles: Meep?
Branch: Uh… Sure. If you promise.
Poppy: Promise made!
Biggie and Smidge: Yay! (Poppy sits down.)
Poppy: How do we play?
Smidge: Ooh! Ooh! It’s so fun! We’re on a quest to find the Gem of Friendship.
Dennis: It’s a lost artifact that has the power to spread love and respect to whomever draws near!
Poppy: Love and respect? Friendship? Gems? Branch, you’ve been keeping me in the dark on all this?
Branch: Hey, I apologize. Now, let’s play! (He presses a button on Gary and the lights turn off. A candle then turns on.) “Our heroes come to a clearing in the forest, where they meet a new member of their fellowship." (Biggie appears.)
Biggie: I am Biggie the Worm Master! Dinkle Strike! (Mr. Dinkles destroys a rock, roars, and falls over.)
Smidge: And I am Smidge… expert with the bow and hair-row. (She chuckles and shoots electric arrows with her hair and they destroy three rocks.)
Dennis: And I Thistleus the Wise… Keeper of The Sacred Scrapbook. Scrap-tillius Book-tacto! (The tiny rock pieces form a heart.)
Biggie and Smidge: Aw!
Poppy: And I am Poppy, the Sorceress of Song and Dance! (She sings a high note.)
Branch: No!
Poppy: Huh?
Branch: You’re Poppy, the knight. (He shows a picture of Poppy as a knight.)
Poppy: (Taking the picture) Really? Why can’t we just make up whatever we want? Seems more fun. (Branch stares at her.) Uh… Because it’s against the rules, which I fully support. Duh! (laughs) Yay, rules! (laughs again) Proceed.
Branch: “The heroes prepare for their journey, when suddenly, they’re attacked by an Ice Growler!” (An Ice Growler roars and breathes ice.)
Poppy: So cool.
Biggie: Dinkles, ready Inch Attack! (He gets ready to attack.)
Smidge: May my aim be true! (She gets ready to attack.)
Poppy: (gasps) No! (She jumps in front of Biggie and Smidge.) Wait!
Biggie and Smidge: Huh?
Poppy: Guys, I don’t think this kitty means us any harm. I think all it wants… (She drops her sword.) … is a hug.
Biggie and Smidge: Poppy, no!
Poppy: You want a hug? Do you? (The Ice Growler snarls at her.) Uh-oh. (The Ice Growler gets ready to attack her.)
Dennis: Poppy! (He jumps in front of Poppy.) Scarp-dullum Book-pedimas! (He forms a shield and protects Poppy from the Ice Growler’s ice breath.)
Branch: Thistleus defends Poppy and sends the Ice Growler running.”
Smidge and Biggie: Yaaaaaay!
Poppy: Woo-hoo!
Branch: “But in the melee, Thistleus is frozen in ice.”
Poppy, Smidge, and Biggie: What?!
Branch: For the remainder of the game.
Poppy, Smidge, and Biggie: No!
Dennis: Frozen?! But I was just about to get a sna-a-a-ack. (He freezes and falls over.)
Branch: No, Thistle, you don’t actually have to… Oh, never mind.
Poppy: So Thistle can’t play anymore? You mean, I ruined his whole game?
Branch: Sorry, those are the rules.
Poppy: But… what about a do-over?
Branch: Sorry. Rules! They’re what makes this game great. The rules make the stakes high and the consequences… real. (Poppy gasps in shock.) “And so, having lost Thistleus the Wise, the group has no choice but to press on to find the gem. Through mountains, valleys, and the forest they travel, often stopping to do ridiculous things with no relevance to their quest.”
Biggie: We stop to have an elaborate song-and-dance number! (A dice rattles.)
Branch: (sighs) You succeed.
Biggie: Yaaaaay! (He, Poppy, and Smidge cheer.)
Branch: “But eventually, the team comes to a river and must cross before the floodwaters rise.
Smidge: (Taking Poppy’s hand) M’lady, ‘tis your turn. Upon which mushrooms shall we tread?
Poppy: Uh… (She looks at the mushrooms.) I don’t know. I don’t want to make a choice that ruins the game… again. So, uh, I guess I’ll… let you guys tell me what to choose!
Biggie and Smidge: Oh, OK! Forward. (Poppy jumps onto a yellow mushroom.)
Biggie: Right.
Smidge: Left.
Biggie: I mean left!
Smidge: I mean right!
Biggie: Right.
Smidge: Left.
Biggie: Left. Sorry, right! I mean left!
Smidge: I mean right! (Poppy becomes stressed.)
Poppy: Just tell me what to do!
Biggie: Sorry, right!
Branch: “Sadly, you’ve hesitated too long. (A wave knocks Poppy into the river and she screams while going downstream and bumping into the mushrooms. She ends up hanging onto a rock.) After Popsalot’s failure at the river, you come to a village of Fuzzlings. If you negotiate well, they may guide you to the gem.)
Poppy: OK. I’m taking no chances this time. While you guys do the talking, I’ll stand perfectly still with zero engagement. (The Fuzzlings jabber and a dice rolling is heard.)
Branch: “Your standoffishness offended the Fuzzlings. They attack.”
Poppy: (gasps) What?! (The Fuzzling use their hair to form wrecking balls. They attack Poppy and Smidge and they scream and run away. They reach a trapdoor.) Quick, in there! (She uses her sword to break the lock and she, Biggie, and Smidge go through the trapdoor. The Fuzzlings continue looking for them.) I think that worked. Hey, I’m really sorry I keep messing up. I just want to play the game, but the consequences are so real that-
Biggie: (Seeing something) Guys, look!
Smidge: Oh, my Guh! (They see the gem ahead.)
Biggie: The Gem of Friendship!
Poppy: We did it! (She takes the gem.)
Smidge: Whooooo!
Biggie: Yaaaaay!
Poppy: I didn’t ruin the quest! Yes, yes, yes! (The dice rolls and she grunts.) You got to be kidding me.
Branch: “By triggering the gem, Lady Popsalot triggers the cavern defenses.” (Poppy and her friends gasp and try to escape, but a gate closes on them. Evil laughter is then heard.) What’s this? Adventurers seeking my gem? I think not.
Biggie: Who goes there?!
Branch: It is I, Branchtar the Isolated! (He laughs evilly.) That gem belongs to me. I stole it to stop the spread of friendship throughout the realm, and I will summon the full power of my magic wand before I surrender to it! (He shows Gary as a magic wand.)
Poppy: Oh, no!
Smidge: Oh, my Guh, villain! Thine aggression intimidates us not!
Branch: So be it. (He summons a Grossum, a Growl Beast, and a Tarantacapuff.) Attack! (He and the creatures charge.)
Poppy: Uh… (Biggie and Smidge charge.)
Branch: “And so they attack.” What do you do? (He takes a sip of coffee.)
Biggie: I unleash Mr. Dinkles!
Smidge: I let fly a quiver of hair-rows!
Poppy: I… hide in the corner?
Biggie and Smidge: Huh?
Poppy: Trust me, it’s better that I stay out of the way, where I won’t do any damage. Besides, you guys are really good. You can win!
Biggie: Dinkles Frenzy Attack! (He rolls his dice.)
Smidge: (Shaking her dice) Two beasts, one hair-row! (She rolls her dice.) Oh, my Guh! (Another dice rolls.)
Biggie: Plus-6 damage!
Smidge: Another hit!
Branch: Plus-4 magic! (Biggie and Smidge throw their dices again.)
Biggie and Smidge: Yes!
Biggie: Yes!
Smidge: Huzzah! (The dices roll again.)
Poppy, Smidge, and Biggie: Yaaaaay!
Branch: (Rolling his dice) “Branchtar defeats you. Easily.” (Poppy, Biggie, and Smidge groan.)
Smidge: Oh, my Guh.
Mr. Dinkles: Meep!
Branch: “Casting a spell, Branchtar suspends the helpless Bignor and Smidge-winn in mid-air… (Biggie and Smidge scream while pretending to be in mid-air.) … and then turns his eyes to the corner. (Poppy gasps.) He draws closer… and closer.
Biggie: Poppy, it’s all up to you! You’ve got to fight back! (Just before Branch attacks Poppy, she smiles.)
Poppy: OK. (She puts the gem in her hair.) If it really is all up to me… (She takes out her sword and puts it on the ground.) … I hug Branchtar!
Branch, Smidge, and Biggie: What?!
Poppy: That’s right. This is the way I play, and I am done second-guessing myself. I hug Branchtar to warm his heart.
Branch: “Warm his heart”? Are you sure you want to try that again? The chances of it working are like one in a thousand. (He takes out a huge gold dice block.)
Smidge: Oh, my Guh!
Mr. Dinkles: Meep.
Poppy: Are they? Because I’m holding the Gem of Friendship. (She glows because of the gem.) And it has the power to spread love and respect to whomever draws near.
Branch: (gasps) Oh, right. So I guess that makes the odds… one in 100. (He takes out a blue dice block.)
Poppy: Plus, my character has a plus-2 charisma rating, which I believe also improves my chances?
Branch: Actually, yeah. It does. (He puts his red dice down.)
Poppy: And if I’m not mistaken, I get a vulnerability bonus if… (She takes off her armor.) … I take off my armor!
Branch: (gasps) That makes it 50-50. Heads, you fail: tails, you succeed.
Smidge: Oh, my Guh!
Poppy: Do it. (Branch throws his coin.)
Smidge: (low-pitched) Oh, my Guh! (Branch catches his coin.)
Branch: (gasps) It worked! Branchtar is befriended! The gem is yours!
Poppy: Wahoo!
Smidge: Yaaaaay!
Branch: No, no, no, n- (Poppy hugs him.)
Smidge: Uh… little help here? (Branch uses his wand and Smidge and Biggie land on the ground.) Thank you. Yaaay!
Poppy: Yeah! (Biggie, Smidge, and Dennis leave.)
Dennis: That was amazing!
Biggie: Bye! See you later! That was so fun.
Branch: Wow. You played great today. Sorry I didn’t invite you.
Poppy: No, that’s OK. (She starts to leave.)
Branch: Well, I’m looking forward to next week.
Poppy: What happens next week?
Branch: You decide, Cavern Keeper. (He shows a bag of dice. Poppy cackles evilly and the episode ends.)
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