SpongeBot Can't Pay? So They Take It Away!

SpongeBot Can't Pay? So They Take It Away! is the thirteenth and penultimate episode of The SpongeBob and Viktor Orbán Show. It was released on March 8, 2023, and was written by .
== Transcript ==
["Now on Channel 5 we go back into Sponge Territory for more Keeping Up With The Augers, which contains strong language, violence, anti-social behaviour and tempers fraying from the start."]
[The episode starts down an alleyway where Jess and Prim are walking home from CEX.]
Prim: Wow! I can't wait to play Club Penguin: Game Day for the Nintendo Wii when we get home!
[Laugh track.]
Jess: Me too.
[A masked criminal suddenly jumps out from behind a dumpster. Laugh track.]
Criminal: Put your hands up!
[The two do so.]
Jess: Wh- what do you want? Money? I've got plenty! Here, take my purse!
[Jess throws the criminal her purse.]
Criminal: Oh, I don't want this. I want… Club Penguin!
Prim: You monster!
[Laugh track. The Superman theme song starts playing in the background.]
Criminal: Wait, why do I hear boss music? 
[The three look around in confusion. Prim points off in the distance.]
Prim: Look! It's a bird, no, it's a plane!
Jess: It's Moped Man!
[Moped Man speeds down the alleyway. The audience laughs as he brutally runs over the criminal. His mask falls off to reveal that he is Zoltan.]
Zoltan: ow
Prim: Zoltan?
Zoltan: yeah whatever, can i have sadmin now
[Laugh track.]
Moped Man: Sorry mate.
Jess: Thanks Moped Man!
Moped Man: No time to talk, duty calls!
[Moped Man speeds off into the distance; Cut to the SpongeBot residence. SpongeBot is watching Scott the Woz. Her headphones are unplugged.]
Scott: HEY ALL, SCOTT HERE!
SpongeBot: Shit!
[Laugh track. SpongeBot scrambles to plug her headphones in.]
Bot's Mom: Who the fuck is Scott?
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: SpongeBot's boyfriend.
[Laugh track. The doorbell rings. Oscar runs to the door, barking at it.]
Bot's Mom: (sigh) I'll get it.
[Bot's Mom opens the door to find Moped Man. The audience cheers.]
Moped Man: Hiya Bot's Mom.
Bot's Mom: Hiya Moped Man.
Moped Man: Wanna go for a ride?
Bot's Mom: Sure. I'll just get my suitcases.
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: M- Moped Man? What's he doing here?
[Laugh track.]
Bot's Mom: Oh, didn't I mention? The two of us are going away for a couple weeks.
Beardy Dad: You what?
[Laugh track.]
Moped Man: Is there a problem?
Beardy Dad: N- n- no, not really. 
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: It's just that last time you two went away together SpongeBot happened!
SpongeBot: wait what
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: no seriously what the fuck why are you laughing
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: HOW IS THIS FUNNY
[Laugh track.]
Bot's Mom: Anyway, I'll be back soon. (Bot's Mom and Beardy Dad kiss) Don't get into any trouble.
Beardy Dad: Oh I will.
[Laugh track.]
Bot's Mom: Bye everyone!
[The audience applauds as Bot's Mom leaves with Moped Man.]
Beardy Dad: Oh well, with your mother gone for a while I can finally get on with the important things in life.
[Beardy Dad walks over to his computer.]
Beardy Dad: Holy shit! Someone just bought all of my Strawberry Shortcake boxsets!
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: "All of"? As in "more than one"?
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: Yep, they're all gone. And at fifty quid each too!
SpongeBot: Who would spend fifty squid on Strawberry Shortcake boxsets?!
[Cut to Golfpecks sitting at his desk, which is overflowing with Strawberry Shortcake merchandise.]
Golfpecks: Heheheheheheh.
[Laugh track. Cut back.]
Beardy Dad: I dunno. But I need to get more of these to sell right away!
[Timecard: Several dozen boxsets later…]
[Cut to Beardy Dad is counting the money in his wallet.]
Beardy Dad: Well, I don't know what it is, but this guy really seems to like Strawberry Shortcake! Must be some gripping stuff.
SpongeBot: Nothing can ever top the emotional heights of when Country Troll died in Trolls: World Tour.
[Laugh track. Beardy Dad shows Bot the contents of his wallet.]
Beardy Dad: Look at all this, Bot! And your mother keeps telling me to get off eBay.
SpongeBot: Well she's not here.
Beardy Dad: Exactly!
[The audience laughs as we cut back to the room, which is now overflowing with Strawberry Shortcake boxsets and similar junk.]
Beardy Dad: I just don't get it! Why isn't anyone buying my shit from me anymore?
SpongeBot: Maybe they've been hit with some common sense?
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: Nah! I'm sure they'll come back to me eventually.
[He gets a notification on his computer.]
Beardy Dad: See? Here we are! (reading) "Dear Beardy Dad, it has come to my attention how unproductive my heinous crimes have been and I will be no longer needing you to supply me with my goods. Yours sincerely, a very disillusioned Mr. Pecks." Well that's just great.
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: What do I do with all of this then?
SpongeBot: Wait for some other sucker to come along?
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: I guess.
[A letter comes through the door. Oscar runs over to it barking, and carries it over to Beardy Dad in his mouth. Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: Thanks, my boy.
Oscar: woof
[Beardy Dad strokes Oscar and opens the letter.]
Beardy Dad: Oh…
SpongeBot: What's wrong?
Beardy Dad: It appears we are in debt.
[Laugh track because debt is funny.]
SpongeBot: How are we in deb- (she looks around the room) nevermind.
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: Yeah, do you think I kinda banked a bit too much on this one guy?
SpongeBot: Not really.
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: Does mom know?
Beardy Dad: No.
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: It's not even just the Shortcake shit though! No one's bought my HD DVD bundles either! 
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: What are we gonna do then?
Beardy Dad: Nothing!
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: As long as we don't tell mom I'm sure everything will be fine. What could possibly happen?
[The Can't Pay? We'll Take It Away! intro plays.]
Narrator: What happens when you get into debt? And you can't, or won't, pay it back? We meet the high court enforcement agents who are pushed to their limits dealing with desperate debtors in dramatic situations. We meet the people who are losing their homes and their possessions. Because whatever happens, if you can't pay they'll take it away.
[We see two agents driving in their car.]
Narrator: Paul Bohill and Steve Pinner are high court enforcement agents. They travel hundreds of miles each week repossessing properties and ceasing debts.
Steve: What have we got today, Paul?
Narrator: Today they are after a family who owe twenty thousand pounds in debt of Strawberry Shortcake DVDs.
Paul: We've got one Beardy Dad down on [address withheld] who owes twenty thousand pounds.
Steve: Wow.
Paul: We're just gonna have to go in and if they can't pay, we'll just have to start repossessing some stuff.
[The two pull up beside the SpongeBot household and get out the vehicle.]
Narrator: What the agents don't know yet is that this visit will be unlike any other they've ever been two in their many years on the frontlines.
[Steve confessional.]
Steve: You see the thing is, you never know what you're walking into. You don't know what they're gonna be like, how aggravated they're gonna be, what weapons they have… you just don't know.
[The two agents knock on the door.]
Paul: High court enforcement officers, can you open up please?!
[Oscar starts loudly barking and runs up to the door.]
Paul: Well, their dog is in.
Narrator: It appears the debtor's dog is inside the property, but there is no word on the debtor himself yet.
[Cut to Bot and Beardy Dad panicking inside.]
Beardy Dad: Shit! The bailiffs are here!
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: Oh no…. anyway, back to whatever I was doing.
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: Don't leave me like this! What are we going to do?!
SpongeBot: I mean if we don't let them in, they cant get in, right?
[Cut back to the agents outside.]
Narrator: Paul and Steve are still unsure as to whether the debtor is home.
Steve: I am unsure as to whether the debtor is home.
Narrator: Suddenly, a strange man walks onto the property.
Zoltan: cool your hear to murder spongebot too
Paul: Excuse me mate, um, we're high court enforcement officers here to collect debt. Do you know the people who live here?
Zoltan: i hate spongebot 678 she sould b banned bcause i said so
Narrator: It appears the man is a personal friend of the debtor.
Steve: Would you be able to contact Beardy Dad or is there any way you could let us in?
Zoltan: if i help will u give me sadmin 
Narrator: The debtor's friend is willing to help, but only if he can reach an agreement with the high court enforcement agents.
[Paul confessional.]
Paul: It is very tricky when things like this happen, but ultimately if it helps us settle things as quickly and as efficiently as possible, then it is worth the negotiation.
[End of confessional.]
Paul: Okay sure.
Zoltan: yay!
[Zoltan throws a brick at the windows and smashes it into pieces.]
Narrator: The sheriffs gain access to the property.
SpongeBot: Uh… Dad?
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: The window! Mom is gonna kill us!
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: Oh, hi Zoltan.
Zoltan: Hi.
SpongeBot: I definitely don't have any questions to ask you.
[Laugh track.]
Narrator: It becomes apparent that the debtor has been home the entire time.
Steve: Thanks, uh… whoever you are.
[Steve, Paul, Zoltan and the cameraman enter the house.]
Beardy Dad: Hey, what's going on here?!
[Laugh track.]
Paul: We're high court enforcement agents and we're here to either collect your outstanding debt of twenty thousand pounds or repossess goods.
Beardy Dad: I like your funny words magic man.
[Laugh track.]
Steve: What's that noise?
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: What noise?
[Laugh track.]
Steve: That noise! I heard it again!
[Laugh track.]
Paul: Sounds like laughing or something.
Beardy Dad: Well I don't hear anything.
[Laugh track.]
Steve: Nevermind. Have you heard about this before?
Beardy Dad: Heard about what?
[Laugh track.]
Steve: The debt.
Beardy Dad: Doesn't seem familiar to me.
[Laugh track.]
Narrator: The debtor claims he has not heard anything about the debt before.
Paul: Well, we're on behalf of the court, and we have a letter, and we kind of need the twenty thousand pounds today.
Beardy Dad: Twenty thousand pounds?! What kind of idiot gets himself twenty thousand pounds in debt?
[Laugh track.]
Zoltan: can we move this along pls i kinda have some1 to murda hear
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: Look, I'm sorry but I don't have any money! Who gives you the right to break in my house and demand twenty grand off me anyway? 
Paul: We're high court enforcement officers, sir.
Beardy Dad: No you're not! I could call the police on you!
[Laugh track.]
Narrator: The debtor threatens to take legal action against the sheriffs.
[Paul confessional.]
Paul: It is obvious why sometimes debtors may get a little defensive and try to intimidate us, but we're in the right, this is our job and most of the time it is not easy.
[End of confessional.]
Beardy Dad: You're abusing my human rights!
[Laugh track.]
Paul: Look pal, we're not here to scare you or anything, we're just doing our jobs and we need the money or we'll have to take some goods from you.
SpongeBot: So you are here to scare us?
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: (pacing around) Well I don't have any money, and I don't know what to do and- (he sits down and sulks)
Narrator: The debtor is getting a little emotional over the news.
Steve: It's okay, it's okay, it's not your fault.
SpongeBot: It is.
[Laugh track.]
Zoltan: seriussly can we hurry up, im getting inpatienam
[Laugh track.]
Paul: Look is there anyone you could call for help or anything?
SpongeBot: We could call mom.
Beardy Dad: NO!
[Laugh track.]
Steve: Why can't you do that? You don't really have a lot of options here, pal.
Beardy Dad: I don't want to.
[Laugh track.]
Narrator: The debtor seems to be unable to pay and unwilling to use what little time he has to raise funds, so the sheriffs have no choice but to start evaluating goods.
Paul: Well if you can't pay then we have no choice but to take it away.
SpongeBot: That's the name of the show.
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: Take what away?
[Laugh track.]
Paul: Well do you have anything on the property of any value, a car perhaps?
SpongeBot: We have Golden Balls on Nintendo DS.
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: If you don't like that we also have Penguins of Madagascar.
[Laugh track.]
Steve: Yeah, sorry but I think that might be a little bit short of the amount we need.
SpongeBot: You should be grateful for what we're offering here!
[Laugh track.]
Paul: Is it alright if we search the property?
Beardy Dad: Eh, sure why not.
Narrator: The debtor gives Steve and Paul permission to search the property for any goods.
[Cut to Steve and Paul searching the house.]
Steve: They owe twenty thousand pounds but they have enough money for Puyo Puyo Tetris 2?
Paul: These are nice sofas though, could we get anything for this?
Narrator: The sheriffs are having trouble finding anything of value.
Zoltan: well im having trouble killing someone here
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: Why do you want to kill Bot anyway?
Zoltan: she was watching friend sbut it is too much words sex and zoltan dont like sex and bot muts dye 4 her crime
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: But I like sex.
Zoltan: KNOW SEX!!11!!!
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: Oh.
Paul: Well, Beardy Dad, we've had a look around but we're still a little short of the amount. 
Beardy Dad: But that's impossible!
[Laugh track.]
Paul: Are you definitely sure you don't have the money on you?
Beardy Dad: Of course! Why would I lie to the high court?!
[Laugh track.]
Paul: Well, I'm sorry but if you don't have the money then we have no choice but to... repossess the house.
Zoltan: WHAT
[Laugh track.]
Zoltan: bu if u take the hous away wear will i got to murder spomgebot687 
[Laugh track.]
Paul: I said I'm sorry.
Narrator: Faced with drastic consequences, the debtor suddenly has a change of heart.
Beardy Dad: Fine. Cash or credit?
[Laugh track and applause.]
SpongeBot: You mean you had the money this entire time?!
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: Well it was my Strawberry Shortcake budget!
[Laugh track.]
Paul: Woah woah woah, you like Strawberry Shortcake too?
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: Not really, but I have enough DVDs to fill a warehouse.
Paul: I'll pay twenty grand for the lot.
Beardy Dad: It's a deal!
[Laugh track.]
Steve: Paul!!!
[Paul confessional.]
Paul: What?
[Cut to Steve and Paul leaving the house.]
Narrator: Having reached a deal to cover the debt, the agents' jobs are done.
Beardy Dad: Bye! Come back soon!
[Laugh track.]
Steve: See ya!
[The two drive off. Paul confessional.]
Paul: Sometimes the jobs we get sent to are heartbreaking, sometimes they're violent, and sometimes they're dealing with Beardy Dad. But no matter what, it's my job and I wouldn't change it for the world.
[Cut to SpongeBot, Beardy Dad and Zoltan watching the two drive off.]
Zoltan: YES!!!! THEY'RE FINALLY GONE!!!!
[Laugh track.]
Beardy Dad: Well that was an experience.
SpongeBot: I'll say. Why didn't you just give them the money at the start?
Beardy Dad: I told you, it was my Shortcake money. Besides, when your mom gets back, I wanted to treat her.
SpongeBot: With what?
Beardy Dad: A new driveway.
[Laugh track.]
SpongeBot: Let's just get this over with, Zoltan.
[Laugh track and applause. Cut to the bailiffs pulling up at the White House.]
Narrator: Next time on Can't Pay? We'll Take it Away!, Steve and Paul deal with a very special eviction.
Donald Trump: NO!!! I WON THIS ELECTION BY A LOT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!
[Cut to Bot's Mom and Moped Man watching the show in a hotel room. Bot's Mom points the remote at the screen and turns the TV off.]
Bot's Mom: ...I mean to be fair I expected a lot worse to happen.
[Laugh track, applause and cheers as the credits roll.]