I Get The Biggest Crowds

is the third episode of season one of No Malarkey in Bikini Bottom. It premiered on July 17, 2020.
== Plot ==
From oceans of people to small coffee shops, with gaffes, populism, and protestors in between, this propaganda starts from the far-left to the far-right.
== Transcript ==
“I Get The Biggest Crowds” Transcript:
[Episode opens of a shot of a window. Paul Renaud, who is wearing a big Renaud2020 badge, is thrown through it. Shouts of “PEDOPHILE!” are heard. Renaud wakes up in a cold sweat]
Renaud: Oh yeah… I’m Libertarian!
[Cut to another dream]
Mr. Banana: Oh my word! He’s eating me again! If only he ate me in the other sense.
[Mr Banana wakes up in a cold sweat, inside Biden’s stomach]
Mr. Banana: I am convinced that I was put on this Earth to be laughed at.
[Cut to Joe Biden on the john] 
Biden: That hurt! 
[he gets up from the toilet and looks at the toilet bowl]
Biden: How?! How do I keep crapping out whole bananas?
Mr. Banana: No, no.. it’s just your campaign manager.
[Biden picks Mr. Banana up again, and Banana kicks his way out of Joe’s hands, and walks out of the room]
Biden: Hey, I didn’t know bananas could walk!
Mr. Banana [from the hallway]: I’m LITERALLY your campaign manager!
Biden: Wait, what campaign? I didn’t know I had a campaign.
Mr. Banana: Sir, you’re running for president of Bikini Bottom. You are quite arguably the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination. 
Biden: Well enough talk about circumcision, I have some gentlemen-ly things to deal with. Mostly, getting a massive crowd.
Mr. Banana: I’d like your crowd, Mr. Biden.
Biden: MR. BANANA! Cease this blasphemy or else you’ll only be in bed with me for 9 hours instead of 10.
Mr. Banana: Yes, sir.
[cut to Mr. G’s dream] 
Judge: Mr. G, the court finds you guilty of crimes against humanity during the 2018 Bikini Bottom Civil War. You shall hereby be sentenced to life in prison! [slams down his gavel] 
[Suddenly two police officers appear, handcuffing Mr. G and beginning to drag him away] 
Mr. G: NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
[cut to Mr. G screaming in his bed]
Mr. G: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- Huh? Oh, it was just another nightmare. Man, I really need to win this race so I can pardon myself and finally get these things to stop. 
Joe Biden: [to a retirement home] So, folks, we've got to Make Bikini Bottom Great Again, er... uh... excuse... excuse me, huh, Jack, I meant restore the soul of Bikini Bottom!
[crowd cheers]
Joe Biden: We're going to put hope over fear, unity over division, and most importantly... TRUTH OVER FACTS!!!!
[crowd roars]
Joe Biden: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm running for the Bikini Bottom Senate!
Old Man Jenkins: Mr. Biden is the chosen one, who's with me, y'all?!
[cut to Mr. Pineapple’s dream, where a voice can be heard shouting “Travis!”]
Travis: *turns around* Huh? C-Clayton? Clayton Hults? Is that you? 
Clayton: Yes, it’s me. I’m here to apologize. I never should’ve blocked you on Instagram. It’s just - I was madly in love with you. But I didn’t want to confess my true feelings. But I’ve come here to do it today. I...I love you, Travis. 
[Clayton then grabbed Travis’ shoulders, leaning in to give him a kiss when suddenly they were interrupted by Mr. R’Onion]
Mr. R’Onion: Travis! Stop chit-chatting with your classmates! We don’t have time to do a dream sequence for every single candidate! We’re falling incredibly behind! 
Mr. Pineapple: Okay, well let me just get this kiss real qui-
R’Onion: No time! [quickly grabs Travis’ hand, pulling him off-screen]
[cut to a Donald Trump rally] 
Mr. Trump: Wow, what a beautiful crowd. So big. Perhaps the biggest there’s ever been. You know, they do say I get the biggest crowds. No one’s crowds compare to mine. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. We can’t let these Demoncrats win, folks. They want to destroy this country. Totally open up the borders. Let all the illegal aliens flood the place. Let me tell you, when Mars sends their people, they’re not sending their best. They’re sending probers. Do you want to be probed?
Old Man Jenkins: Yes! 
Mr. Trump: Secret Service, arrest this fish immediately for sexual degeneracy. 
[cut to Biden at a retirement center] 
Mr. Biden: And that is why I am asking you today for your vote - to restore the soul of this nation. 
Incidental 87’s grandmother: What? What did you say?
Mr. Biden: I said I’m asking your vote. To restore the soul-
Incidental 87’s grandmother: What?
Mr. Biden: I’m asking for you-
Incidental 87’s grandmother: What? 
Mr. Biden: I’m asking f-
Incidental 87’s grandmother: What? 
Mr. Biden: I’m-
Incidental 87’s grandmother: What?
[cuts to Mr. G at a prison] 
Mr. G: And I promise, if you vote for me, I’ll pardon all of you. 
Prisoner: Sir, felons can’t vote. 
Mr. G: Oh yeah. Well, I’ll change that when I win. 
[cut to Travis Pineapple in a hipster coffee shop]
Mr. Pineapple: And then we’ll grind all the billionaire leeches - grind them like the coffee beans in these over-priced lattes! [takes a sip of his expresso] Mhm, good stuff. 
Mr. R’Onion: Coffee beans?! [slaps drink out of Travis’ hands] You can’t drink that! Those are plants!
Jacob Wohl: [runs out of the store, recording a video on his phone] I just got out of a hipster coffee shop, and all the customers were talking about how cool they think it is that Trump nuked Rock Bottom!
[cuts to Bernie Sanders rally] 
Mr. Sanders: The wealthy have controlled this country for far too long! I mean really, $50 for OnlyFish? It should be free! Everything should be free! Healthcare, education, housing, food, electricity, boats, phones, computers, internet, TV, anime body pillows, everything! And to those in the corporate media - I’m talking about you, Perch - who ask how we’ll pay for it, we say - you!
[cuts to Donald Trump rally]
Donald Trump: And so the fake news media released a story today-
Protestors: DUMP TRUMP! DUMP TRUMP! DUMP TRUMP!
Donald Trump: Oh we just love these people, don't we? Get those animals outta here!
[cuts to Paul Renaud rally]
Mr. Renaud: My opponents in this primary are complete frauds! Libertarians in name only! They want to lower the age of consent. Well, we say: Abolition, not reform! Now, any questions?
Mrs. Puff: Hello, I am a former teacher, just like you—
Mr. Renaud: Ah, I see. Don’t worry ma’am, when I’m elected president, all those who have committed sex crimes in the workplace, as well as in general, will be fully pardoned. All I need is your vote!
Ms. Puff: It’s not that. I’m a boating instructor who got fired for refusing to teach a severely incompetent student. You being one of the hardcore libertarians, I want to know if you think there should be a requirement to hold a license to operate a boat? There are an increasing number of people in my boating school that don’t see the point of it!
Mr. Renaud: The government “requires” you to be at least 18 if you want to screw! The government “requires” you to adhere to health standards if you want to run a restaurant! These types of things are atrocious and draconian, what’s next, a requirement to have a license to make toast in your own damn toaster? Absolutely not!
[Crowd cheers]
Mrs. Puff: I hate Bikini Bottom.
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