Tales of Mort6

Mort walked in silence with his newfound companions. Or, it should be noted, Mort and Noch walked in silence, since neither of them could manage more than an occasional "You don't say?" and "Hmmm... Fascinating."
"You just have no idea how hard it is to get Centaur blood off of good Dragon Scale armor these days I mean the time spent scrubbing alone is SUCH a bother but then you need a special cloth to clean it with because an ordinary one just won't do because they will always leave streaks and we can't have that, because I wouldn't want to let anyone down, I have a certain reputation to live up to with so many members of the Horde looking up to me for fashion advice it seems I can't even walk into Orgrimmar these days and not have five or six other Shaman or even Hunters coming up and simply gushing with compliments and far be it from me to stop them, oh heavens no, since word has of course gotten around that, well, I'm not one to BRAG but Cairne Bloodhoof comes to me for tactical advice and you know he loves my Hambach but then again so do the makers of Gatorpig which is exactly WHY they chose ME to be their spokes Tauren ...."
"Errr... Noch? Does Djuna ever... yeh know... Stop, like?" Mort asked.
Noch grinned. "Yes. When she's eating ham."
"... And of course SPEAKING of ham I only eat the finest these days, none of this pork ham that is just SO Eastern Kingdom, I only eat Dragon ham and when we go and kill Onyxia I plan to cut off the finest choices just for myself and that will be SPECIAL ham and I might share it with some of The Cabal but... *eeep* Did I say Cabal? I meant my friends because there is no Cabal after all."
Mort looked at her. "No wot?"
"Cabal. There isn't one."
"Right. And they're not your friends."
"Oh goodness no! They all simply LOVE me! Except that Norkie, but then he's taken on with this female Murloc now so he's not around as much and I happen to think she has him wrapped around her little scaly finger..."
"So there IS a Cabal?" Mort's head was beginning to hurt.
"No, there is absolutely NO Cabal. We don't exist."
"Aye, yes. So... then I'm not really talking to you?"
"You're talking to ME you little silly!" Djuna fairly beamed. 
Mort was beginning to wonder... Could make up his "special" spices for her next ham. "Right, now so there is no Cabal..."
"Right" Djuna said.
"And ... you're part of this Cabal..."
"Exactly."
"Whut don't exist."
"YES! That's it! Oh what a nice old man you are I'm SO glad those Centaur didn't kill you it's a good thing we got there when we did because I saw that arrow and I'm willing to bet it may have been poisoned..."
"Sorry, Noch? Listen, be a good lad, will you? Tha' trick ye done where ye make sumwon' all froze like an' bursts 'em inter wee little chunks of ice? Could ye do tha' t'me just now? Only it'll save me th' time o' findin' another group of Centaur ter kill me or a cliff t'fling meself off."
Mort heard a little gasp, then a small whimper. He turned to see Djuna, lip quivering and her large, brown eyes welling with tears. "You... You don't like me. Do you? You HATE meeeeeee!!"
"Oh, crap, now you've done it" Noch said with a sigh.
"What? I ain't... Listen, stop yer cryin', Djuner, I don't hate yew, not at all! There there..." Mort tried to put an arm around the sobbing Tauren, but barely went across her armored shoulders. "I don't hate ya', lass, not even a little."
"Then why did you ask Noch to KILL you?!" Tears were now streaming over the soft downy hair covering her face and dripping onto her armor. "You just HATE me I know it!"
"No no, I'm just a stupid auld man is all, I didn't mean t'hurt yer feelins', honest. Yew were BRILLIANT back there, ye know, when them Centaur was about ter turn me inter Hyena-chow. Why I can't remember EVER seein' one o' them Man-Horses fly before but ye hit tha' one feller so hard he like to bounced when he hit tha' rock! Don’t take nuthin’ old Uncle Mort says ter heart, yeah? I’m just a tad cranky at times."
She instantly brightened and the tears vanished. "YES I did, didn't I? I have to say that I am VERY powerful but I try not to boast. I'm a picture of modesty."
"Of course you are, Djuna" Noch said. "Nice save, Geezer. We could have been here for hours."
Djuna glared at him. "Shut it, worm food."
Djuna stopped and looked around, searching for anyone who might be listening in. A kodo lumbering past paused and cast a very baleful gaze at her as if to say "And what're you looking at?" With a snort, it continued on its way.
"Well, there MAY be a Cabal" she said, "but it's a TOTAL secret and you can't just tell ANYBODY about it."
"Ah. Errr... OK?"
"We'll take you to Thunder Bluff. The Cabal is meeting there in about half an hour, we'll introduce you."
"Oh, aye... I'm all a flutter" Mort said dryly. 
"Are you teasing me again?" Djuna's hand rested on her mace. 
"Wouldn't dream of it, Luv."
category:Unclemort