2015 Power Rankings-Week 4

Posted 9/29/15 at 11:00am
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Last night I had a dream that I was eating starbursts and playing cards with Bill Belichick. On the TV the Patriots were playing the Dolphins. I asked Bill why he wasn’t there, coaching. He said the Pats were so good they didn’t need him anymore. But then a shout rang out from hundreds of miles away. I looked up and on the screen was a bloody hand, mangled, fingers missing, a crushed Super Bowl ring hanging off of a dead and severed thumb. Someone had put blades on their cleats and stomped Brady’s throwing hand to oblivion, ending his career.
The Fantasy Gods work in mysterious ways. Their messages are sent in many forms and can hold many meanings. So far this season two promising teams have lost their starting QB, costing them a game and perhaps more. Sitting in first place for the first time in League history, GaroppoblowMe now has the target on their backs. Was the dream a warning from the Fantasy Gods? Or a dark omen signalling the downfall of the last undefeated team in the league?
1(2). GaroppoblowMe - After becoming the sixth member to join the 300-point club, marking only the twelve time in five seasons that the feat has been accomplished, there was no choice but to raise GBM to the top spot. GBM has found success as the lone team operating out of the two Tight-End set and their franchise high three-game win streak is enough to match the total number of wins GBM had all of last season. Three more wins and they will have have won more games than in their last two seasons COMBINED.
2(1). Deez Sons of Bitchez - One of only two teams to pass the 700 point threshold through three games, Dee ran into a buzz-saw this week that cost them their first loss. Still, the balanced attack seems to be working. Two players, Forte and Stewart, had their worst games of the season. However, six starting players scored more than their projections. Yahoo.com notes that Dee would be 24-3 if they played every team every week and with their Week Four opponent in a tailspin I’d say this group isn’t going anywhere.
3(4). The Shotti Bunch - Flirting with disaster late Monday night, TSB pulled out yet another win over #FreeOJ (5-1 lifetime). Cam Newton has been a surprisingly consistent starter, ranked 5th among owned QBs in the league so far this year. Not so surprising is the dominance of Arizona’s defense. Combined, the two account for over 30% of the total points scored for the team so far this season.
4(3). TEAM MANBEARPIG - This was the absolute hardest spot to rank. In all reality, no one deserves the fourth ranking. Thus I reverted to something I seldom do and went with the person that is actually in fourth place. At 2-1, TMBP is in dark days. I told them last week they should seek medical attention immediately or face more symptoms from the injury bug and sure enough, two weeks and two starting QBs down the drain. Julio Jones may be having the best season in WR history, but who else is going to step up and keep this team afloat?
5(9). ma ma momma said - It seems the demise of MMMS was greatly exaggerated. They have scored more and more points every week and continue to tweak their starting roster. Poor drafting has been overpowered by good post-draft management.
6(6). #FreeOJ - The glaring problem for #FreeOJ is the QB position. Combined, their two QBs have scored 141.63 points. To put that into perspective, Free Agent Andy Dalton has scored 127.32 on his own. League leader Tom Brady has 133.66. FOJ is one of four teams without a 100 point scorer through three weeks. They face a tough matchup against a desperate team next week. It would be in their best interest not to guarantee a win like they did vs. TSB as the Fantasy Gods do not take kindly to such proclamations.
7(8). Papa’s Posse - There seems to be an endless supply of luck for PP. Dating back to 2011, when they squeezed into the playoffs on the last game of the year only to go on a tear and win it all, to present day, PP seems to be in the Fantasy God’s favor. They are one of only two teams who have yet to score over 200 points in a matchup and yet they sit in 5th place after three weeks. Their 174.78 PPG/Avg makes the week four matchup against fellow former champ Reign Maker extra tantalizing--Reign Maker is averaging 172.85 PPG.
8(7). Paddock 9 - Paddock 9’s hopes and dreams have a partially torn ACL. They are being placed on IR designated to return. In the interim P9 has signed former GBM WR bitterness and former Dee QB misery to the starting roster. A league-sanctioned investigation has been launched in hopes of determining how a team can be so unlucky. They have had the toughest strength of schedule by over 100 points and they are the league’s 5th highest scorer. Yet they are ranked 10th in bad luck.
9(10). Fire Goodell - There’s a start! Sure they would have lost to any other team besides the one they were playing, but a win is a win. Just how many wins they’ll have remains to be seen, though they catch GBM next week with their Patriots trio on the bye. The majority of their players failed to meet projections but Le’Veon Bell returned and yup, turns out he’s still good. The difference in this one? Tennessee Defense beat its projection by 10.44 and FG won the matchup by 9.08.
10(5). Reign Maker - From First to Worst, just like you read about. Four Power Rankings have been released and there has been a new 10th place team each time. It’s clear thus far that Andrew Luck is not the second-coming of Jesus Brady and thanks to the zebras overturning a Eifert TD in Cincy, the TE position yielded a big goose egg against Fire Goodell. If they don’t right the ship against Papa’s Posse, RM could be looking at missing the playoffs for the first time in franchise history.
MATCHUP OF THE WEEK:
The Shotti Bunch vs. ma ma momma said
There are actually two champion on champion bouts this week, but this is the one that the people came to see. 2nd and 3rd all time in winning percentages respectively, these two are titans of the league. Thus far The Shotti Bunch is having the better year but they are 0-5 lifetime against MMMS, the only team they have faced and never beaten. People have asked me why I put so much emphasis on the TE position and it’s because of moments like this. With Gronk on the bye, TSB has no backup to turn to and I think it makes the difference as MMMS improves to a shocking 6-0 against Shotti.
FINAL NOTES
Since I was the highest scorer this week everyone will have to wait until October 8th for our League's NextGen reveal (that's the fancy name I decided on).