Hard for Bernard

"Hard for Bernard" is the fourteenth episode of Season 3 of Life in Bikini Bottom, and the 43rd overall.
==Characters==
TBA
==Synopsis==
After finally retrieving DanzxvFan8275, the SpongeCockians begin their journey back to Bikini Bottom. However, they meet various roadblocks along the way. Meanwhile, Trump gets arrested, and Bastard and Biden need to break him out.
==Plot==
The episode begins with the SpongeCockian chopper flying over the Pacific Ocean. We cut inside to see all of them popping champagne bottles in celebration except for Dan, who is flying. “Man, what I’d give for some of that right now,” he says, as SpongeCock downs a glass and looks at him. “Nope. You gotta fly us to New Kelp City.” “Yeah,” Fatprick adds on, “I wanna see my daddy! Augh…” SpongeCock smacks him across the face, to which Fatprick shrugs. “I was talking about this ice cream cake champagne!” He takes a sip and starts stumbling, falling backwards. Everyone laughs except for Fatprick. “Yo Dan, how much longer until we in New Kelp City?” X asks. “It should only be a couple hours. Then y’all can save your city, and I can go back to jerking off to Cloudy’s Twitter.” “Uh… Twitter? You mean Titter,” Shitward corrects him. “Exactly, fuck y’all and your stupid ass city, I’m just here so I won’t get fined.” Everyone looks at Dan with a deadpan expression, as he starts to laugh nervously. “Uh… I mean… I love Bikini Bottom, hahaha…” he says, as he flies the chopper underwater.
Meanwhile, back at Area 51, all of the guards start to gather around and hold a meeting. Charles Brown Jr. walks into the room and rolls a map out onto the table. “Okay, so obviously we’ve had a rough couple of days since those damn traitors escaped. Things have been slow, and worse of all, Bikini Bottom may not be ours any longer if we can’t stop them. Any suggestions?” Multiple hands shoot up as Brown starts to point to them. Andrew Jackson stands up, recommending “you know, we could force them to migrate to Oklahoma. Worked with those damn Natives back in the 1830s.” But Teddy Roosevelt, who is shown to be a literal massive teddy bear, shakes his head. “That’s not gonna work, Drew! These are foreigners we’re talking about, not domestic terrorists!” Brown interjects. “Well, Native Americans aren’t domestic terrorists-” “SHUT UP, LIBTARD! Anyway, I say we colonize Bikini Bottom and bomb anyone who disagrees!” “Isn’t that what we’re already doing?” Brown asks. “Not the last part!” Roosevelt corrects. Then, two other guards, who are just Juice WRLD and King Von in disguise, stand up and start talking. “Maybe we’re wrong about the SpongeCockians. I say we just let them be. After all, they could colonize Bikini Bottom for us! Haha, right?” Juice suggests. Brown shakes his head and yells “SECURITY!” as Robert Wadlow comes over - with his head not on the screen - and throws both of them out of the room. “D’oh!” King Von yells. Brown returns to the front of the table as he nods his head. “Alright, all in favor of the bear’s resolution?” Everyone in the rooms shoots their hands up. “Perfect. ROZA!” he calls, as Roza Shanina enters the room with a sniper in her hand. “We finally have a purpose for you other than fun kitten time. Go eliminate our targets.” “Ough, why am I here again?” she questions, as FDR stands up. “Because the Soviets ain’t shit!” “We were on your side! Plus, I thought you couldn’t stand up,” she adds, as FDR winks. “It’s my third leg doing the work.” “Okay I’m out,” Roza says as she walks out with the sniper.
Donald Trump: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, gonna grab myself a pussy!
SpongeCock + Shitward: Fascism is everywhere, you don’t know what you got into!
Joe Biden: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, gonna sniff myself some hair.
Fatprick: I was gonna take a shit, the government is tryna stop me!
Bernie Sanders: I’m going down to Bikini Bottom, let’s have Medicare for All!
Gory: Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow!
Mr. Kraps: They just took all of me money…
Sheldon Bastard: So come on down to Bikini Bottom, because you’ll be my slave here!
BACK IN BIKINI BOTTOM
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOYS AND GIRLS, WELCOME TO FRIDAY NIGHT SMACKDOWN!” BASTARD says through the intercom. Biden and Trump are seen on opposite ends of the ring, as the crowd is filled with Bastard’s followers cheering on “I’m your host and rightful leader of Bikini Bottom, SHELDON D. BASTARD! Of course you already knew that, my precious little asskissers.” It cuts to the crowd in complete silence, with Old Man Jenkins uttering “what he say?” Bastard rolls his eyes and continues to talk. “Tonight’s matchup will be one for the ages. We’ll be deciding which one of these presidential fuckwits will continue to assist me during my time as leader here. Now, for your contestants.”
Biden and Trump continue to stare at each other as they both start sweating. Biden taps into his earpiece. “You know, Trump, we don’t have to do this. Let’s just go to the preschool and have fun time.” “No way,” Trump declines. “I’m gonna kick your ass just like I did in 2020.” “What’s 2020? I don’t even… but come on, we gotta work together!” “No we don’t. I can kill as many immigrants as I want without you butting in. All those asylum seekers are probably actors that Bill Gates paid from his microchip money! It’s on, John!” “Joe.” “Whatever.”
“ON THE LEFT,” Bastard announces. “COMING IN AT 6 FEET TALL AND 170 POUNDS, HE CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT HE ATE FOR LUNCH THIS MORNING, HE’S A BIGGER DANGER TO YOUR CHILD’S HAIRLINE THAN TO HIS OPPONENT, INTRODUCING PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN!” Biden then rips off his shirt to reveal that he has abs. “Oh wow Jack, I’ve shocked myself with this one!,” he says surprised. “AND, TO YOUR RIGHT,” Bastard continues, “COMING IN AT 6 FOOT 3 AND WEIGHING 270 POUNDS, HE’S GRABBED MORE PUSSIES THAN CRAZYSPONGE, HE’S FAT AS HOLY HELL, INTRODUCING FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP!” Trump rips off his shirt revealing a massive belly. “Oops, I guess I haven’t hit the gym in a bit,” he says, as he pulls out a bucket of KFC and starts eating. The camera cuts back to the jumbotron on top of the stadium. Bastard walks into the ring. “Alright gentlemen, I want a nice, clean fi- OH WHO AM I KIDDING. I WANT BLOOD ALL OVER. I WANT Y’ALL TO TEAR INTO EACH OTHER BIT BY BIT. LET’S GET THIS SHITSHOW STARTED.” He then walks off and pulls out his megaphone. “Alright, LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE!” He then starts to count down with alternating shots of Biden and Trump. “3… 2… 1…” he says as a bell rings.
Biden and Trump start to come towards each other and tie up. They fight for inside hand control and Biden takes the first punch into Trump’s jaw. Trump then fires back with an uppercut hitting Biden in his abs. They continue to trade punches as they make their way around the ring. “Look at this, BOTH fighters in prime position… battling to take over the world,” Bastard announces, as he laughs to the side. Trump puts himself along the ropes, cocking back and firing himself at Biden, who bounces down off of his gut. Biden then struggles to crawl up, stumbling as Trump goes to pin him. Biden then explodes him off, going outside of the ring to grab a chair and fling it onto Trump. The crowd oohs and awes as Biden jumps from the top of the ropes. However, Trump rolls over and Biden faceplants right into the mat. Trump stands up and cannonballs right onto Biden’s crotch, knocking him in the balls. Biden cries in pain and then kicks him off, getting up and climbing onto a ladder. This time, he successfully sprawls onto Trump, who is crawling with Biden on his back and punching him. He crawls over to the ropes and flings him off, knocking both of them outside of the ring. Biden lands on a table and Trump is next to him as he flips the table over and traps Biden. Trump tries to jump onto it but Biden crawls out and drags Trump back into the ring. Biden preps his elbow and starts to pounce onto Trump before he stands up and shocks Biden off of him. Biden is now laying on the ground in pain as Trump rubs his palms together. “Biden…” he starts to say as the camera zooms into his face. “...you’re fired.” Trump falls down to the ground on top of him, ready to pin him. The crowd gets involved, counting with Bastard while there are alternating shots of Trump pinning Biden and Biden shaking his head on the bottom. “1…2…”
Before he can finish the pin, the stadium gets invaded by police. “EVERYBODY GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!” the Chief yells, as a squad gets into the ring and pushes Trump off of Biden. One of them then puts him in handcuffs behind his back, as they sit on him. “Got him!” he says through a walkie talkie. “HEY! WHAT ARE YOU RADICAL LEFT MARXISTS DOING!” Bastard runs down onto the ring and starts yelling. “Can’t you people appreciate some good ol’ wrasslin?” he says, as the Chief walks over presenting his badge. “Mr. Trump, you have been indicted for illegal use of campaign funds. You are now under arrest.” Biden gets up and wipes himself off. “Hey, you can’t arrest him! He’s making America great again!” “Wasn’t he just trying to kill you 30 seconds ago,” the Chief asks. “Oh, he was? I thought we were making sweet love.” “Oh for the love of god Sleepy Joe…” Trump says. “But come on, I needed to pay that hush money or that sweet piece of ass Whorey Daniels was gonna rat. You gotta respect the grind, right?” Trump asks, as the cops pin him down even more. “Sorry Trump, but the law is the law. Take him away, boys,” the Chief orders as they all attempt to drag him out but struggle.
“Oh no,” Bastard says. “Joe, we have to break him out,” he says as he turns to Biden. “Why? You’ve got me to help you take over the ocean.” “Yeah, but I kinda wanted Trump, and… look, okay, I was wrong to make you two fight. You two are some of the best racist sexual degenerate war criminals out there, the more the merrier.” Bastard admits as they both nod and walk out of the stadium. The crowd is still there and booing, as L’fuck the Lobster jumps up. “THOSE MARXIST POLICE KEPT OUR ONE TRUE LORD AND SAVIOR PRESIDENT TRUMP FROM BEATING THE SATANIC PEDOPHILE BRIG ONCE AND FOR ALL! I SAY WE TRASH THIS DUMP! WHO’S WITH ME?!” He says as the camera zooms up, with him being the only one left.
MEANWHILE
We cut back to the SpongeCockian helicopter, which is now flying through the ocean. It is about to approach New Kelp City as it starts beeping. “Oh shit, we’re almost here,” Dan tells everyone, who is now asleep and snoring. “Uh, guys? AUGH I’M SO FULL-” he screams, as everyone now finally wakes up. “Oh wow, you really startled me there. I was having the best dream. Oh yes, I pounced on a pile of 100 dollar bills and started ejaculating all over them!” Kraps says as a wet spot forms under his blanket. Everyone else raises an eyebrow as Dan starts to land the helicopter on top of town hall. Everyone gets out and starts walking down the ladder that leads to the inside of the building. They start wandering around the halls before being stopped by guards. “Hey, what the tits?” Fatprick says with a shock. “Let me free or else I’ll crap on your balls.” “President Star is busy with his 3pm masturbation session,” the guard tells Fatprick. “Come again later.” “But I’m his son, don’t you remember? It’s urgent.” “SON! Well I’ll tell ya boyo, father-son circle jerks are our favorite pastime here in New Kelp City. Go ahead!” he says, pushing Fatprick over to his office. The crew all open the door at once as it shows Fatdick with his back turned towards them.
“Uh… Dad?” Fatprick asks, as Fatdick quickly turns his chair around and puts his hands in the air. “I WASN’T TOUCHING ANYTHING! I mean, uh, why are you guys back so quickly?” “Uh, Mr. President, it’s been like 2 years since we’ve seen you,” SpongeCock corrects him. “Tomato tomahto, anyway you better have what I was looking for. ESPECIALLY if you’re going to interrupt my precious 3 o’clock.” Dan runs onto the screen with excitement. “OH BOY 3PM!” he shrieks as he slides his hand into his pants and starts rubbing. “DAN!!!” Shitward yells, as he grabs both of his arms and pushes him forward. “Yup,” Fatdick says while shaking his head, “that’s him alright. Bring him to me,” as Dan walks over towards Fatdick, who presses a button who puts him a cage. “Hey, what the fuck? You couldn’t have used a chastity cage?” “No, you’d like that too much. Actually, here’s something better for you.” Fatdick then presses another button that opens a cage. “What could be better than a chas- OH MY GOD! LOLA!” Lola Bunny hops into the cage, as Danny and her have a sweet embrace. “Oh yes, my doll.” “Don’t call me ‘doll,’” she says as the camera cuts back to everyone else with a disgusted look.
“Okay Chubbypenis,” Kraps says to Fatdick. “We held up our side of the deal. Now it’s time for you to hold up your side,” he says, pulling out a pistol. “Uh… it ain’t that deep, Mr. Kraps,” Shitward says. “I know, I just like flexing the 2nd amendment.” “That doesn’t exist here-” Fatdick says, before Kraps shuts him off saying “OF COURSE IT DOESN’T! THIS IS NOTHING BUT A SOCIALIST UTOPIA!” “Speaking of socialism…” Fatdick says as he gets up. “Gentlemen, here’s what’s going to save you from that damn fool Sheldon Bastard. He opens a door, as SpongeCock gasps. “HUH… Bernie?!” The camera cuts back to the door to show Bernie Sanders walking in the door, waving to everyone. 
“That’s right,” Fatdick confirms, “good ol’ Bernie’s gonna save you from your troubles. You see gentlemen, I’ve devised the perfect plan to take not only Bastard out of power, but also all those damn fools in the US government. Soon enough, you’ll be taking back what’s rightfully yours. Once you get back to SpongeCockia, I’ll give you tips through this microphone [attaches one to everyone there] on how to use your secret weapon.” “You know, Fatdick,” Bernie starts, “I do not approve of my use as a weapon. Just like how you didn’t approve of Kraps’ gun.” “Wait, but I thought you wouldn’t like me, seeing that I’m a proud member of the TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP train,” Kraps suggests. “Oh, believe me, you won’t be for long. Just wait until you see what I got up my sleeve,” Bernie says with a grin. “Oh, I sure wanna see what’s up your sleeve, Bernie,” SpongeCock says while drooling and his cock hardens in his pants. Fatdick facepalms and calls everyone off. “Okay, now that you got everything, PLEASE fuck off. If I don’t bust a fat one in the next 2 minutes I’m gonna poopoo my diapey. Out!” he says, pointing at the door. Everyone leaves as the camera shows just Fatdick and Dan in the cage. “Say, can we join in, Mr. President?” Dan asks. “Silence, fool. I’ll straighten you out later,” Fatdick says, as he kicks back in his chair.
Cut to the top of the town hall where the SpongeCockians are heading back to the chopper with Bernie. “Alright y’all, time to go kick some Bikini Bottom - and American - ass!,” SpongeCock rallies them up. “Nah cuz. You just wanna try to clap Assy’s cheeks again,” Shitward laughs. “Nope. Word around the streets says she’s bi. Your boy’s getting two for the price of one!” “Yessir,” X says. They walks towards the chopper, but out of nowhere, a drone strike hits it and blows it up, with everyone being knocked back towards the edge of the roof. “WHAT THE-” they all yell, as the camera pans to the top of the ocean, showing a jet painted red, white, and blue. The front door opens and Harry Truman is shown sticking his head out. “YEAH… USA MOTHERFUCKER! Y’ALL THE NEW HIROSHIMA!,” they hear, as the jet continues to fly. Wadlow is shown to be flying it as it cuts to the inside, as Truman walks up to him. “Hell yeah, Mr. President. I knew you’d know a thing or two about bombing.” “Ah, it was nothing. Next stop - Bikini Bottom!” The episode cuts back to the SpongeCockians and Bernie wiping dust off of themselves.
“Welp, we’re screwed,” Fatprick says. “Let’s go ask my dad for another Bernie,” he says while motioning towards the ladder before Kraps holds him back. “Nope. One Bernie is enough. No offense,” he says while turning to Bernie. “I’ll deal with you later.” “Guys, we can’t give up. We just need to push through. Come on, we’ll have to go by foot,” Sully says. “Oh so NOW you decide to talk, big titty,” Shitward says back. “Guys, calm your tits. I have a solution - public transportation,” Bernie says as it cuts to them boarding a bus. Everyone gets on as Bernie then tells the driver to go to Bikini Bottom before sitting down. “He didn’t even charge you,” SpongeCock points out, as Bernie nods. “Yep. Public transportation for all. You know how I roll, SpongeCock,” he says. “It works in New Kelp City, it’s also gonna work in Bikini Bottom. Trust.” “Then how are you gonna make money?” Kraps says, as his cock softens noticeable. Everyone bats an eye at him as the bus drives out of New Kelp City. The camera pans onto the side of the road where Rex is shown sipping a soda on a couch. He takes his mouth off of the straw for a second to talk. “u ever get you’re weewee sucked”
MEANWHILE AT THE CUM BUCKET
“Oh god, this is awful!” Bastard complains while pacing back and forth, with Biden and Polfgecks652 present. “This wasn’t supposed to happen, Joe! Even if one of you lost I was still gonna manipulate you!” “Oh ho ho, I see how it is,” Biden responds. “Whatever you say, mistress.” Bastard jumps onto a stool and slaps Biden. “No! Bad Joe! Bad!” Polfgecks hits him while on the stool, almost short circuiting. “NO ONE ASSAULTS THE TOP G! NOW DON’T MAKE ME DRESS YOU UP AS A STRAWBERRY AND FUCK THE SEEDS OUT OF YOU!” Bastard is laying on the floor in pain and moaning before getting up. “Listen, I’m sorry for pitting you too against each other. If we’re going to dominate the world, then I’m gonna need both of you.” “Dominate, you say?” Biden says while licking his lips. “NO YOU OLD FUCK! Ugh, why do I say this shit around you? Anyway, how are we gonna break Trump out?” As he asks, ComputerBitch 5000 starts to stroll over. “I hate being a bitch - well, I love it, actually, but can’t you just pardon him Sheldon? I thought you were supposed to be the leader of Bikini Bottom.” “Can it, you computer slut! Now if you really wanted to give me some valuable advice, you would tell me that all I have to do his go to the jail and ask them to pardon him. Come on Joe, let’s dip,” he says, as they both walk off the screen. “Ugh. I should’ve stuck to being a prostitute,” ComputerBitch says, as Polfgecks looks at her. “I have an idea,” he says, while pulling out a blueberry costume.
The scene cuts to the Bikini Bottom prison where Trump is shown in his cell sighing. The camera zooms out to show him surrounded by 2 huge muscular fish. “So, what are you two losers in for?” Trump asks, as both look at him angry. “Attempted murder.” “Armed robbery.” Both of them ask “What about you?” in unison. “I uh… paid hush money to a pornstar using funds for my campaign,” Trump says. “But, like, I would totally murder and kill Mexicans to land myself in prison, you know.” Both prisoners start laughing, as the one on the left taunts him with “oh, that’s cute.” “Yeah,” the one on the right adds while rubbing Trump’s shoulders. “Just wait until we get in those showers. Then you’ll be MY pornstar,” he says while laughing. “Thanks but no thanks,” Trump declines. “I only get fucked in the ass by mommy dommies.” The cell door is then opened by a warden who looks at Trump. “Yo Trump, you’ve got visitors.” The warden escorts Trump to the visiting booth, where he is sitting across from Bastard and Biden. He picks up the phone. “Yello.”
“Look, Don, I’m sorry,” Bastard apologizes. “I thought that one of you was gonna be a liability so I had you fight. Come on, you understand right?” “Hm… yes, yes indeed. I mean let’s be real, I was kicking Joe’s ass.” “Hell yeah you were,” Biden responds. “Oh boy, I loved it. You could kick my ass anytime, Donny.” Trump winks through the glass. “So, what now?” he asks. “We’re gonna pardon you. I need both of you. Besides, Polfgecks told me that the SpongeCockian traitors were on their way back, so it’s do or die,” Bastard says. All three of them start laughing maniacally and nodding their heads and each other as the scene immediately cuts to Bastard and Biden with the warden. 
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE CAN’T PARDON HIM?! I’M THE LEADER OF BIKINI BOTTOM! HE’S THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT?!” Bastard yells at him. “I’ll tell you what I want,” the warden says, taking off his shades. He then points at Trump in his cell, who is rubbing his inner thigh. “I want his money. You give me the money, I’ll give you your scrunkly.” “This is bullshit!” Biden says. “Hand him over now or-” “Hey Joe, look, a bone!” The warden says as he chucks it over his head. “WHERE?!” Biden yells, as he runs over to the bone on all fours and brings it back, starting to chew on it like a dog. “You know, I could sue your ass for this,” Bastard tells the warden. “Look, as far as I’m concerned, you have no real power,” the warden says. “You’re just a puppet. Now you better go jack a billi from his safe or the deal’s off!” He says walking away, as Bastard shakes his head. He is now shown holding a leash around Biden’s neck. “Come on Joe,” he says, “we’ve got some bullshit to attend to.”
SPONGECOCKIANS ON THE MOVE
We cut to the SpongeCockians on the bus, which is making its way through the country roads. “Alright gang, only 1 more hour until we’re back home,” SpongeCock tells everyone. “Then, it’s go time.” Everyone starts to give each other fist bumps as a flushing sound is heard. Fatprick then walks onto the screen with a empty ice cream cake container in his hand. “Welp, I always wanted to go ice cream cake shittin’ on a train.” “Uh, this is a bus, boyyo,” Kraps says, as Fatprick lets out a ‘D’oh!’” “Yeah, you silly bitch,” Sully makes fun of him. “Greasy ass…” “Well at LEAST I don’t have slime balls,” Fatprick fires back with his arms folded. “Y’all tits gettin way too perky gang,” X steps in. “Don’t make me assault you both.” As he begins to cock back his punch, the bus comes to a screeching halt. The outside is shown as it approaches a sign titled “Welcome to Bikini Bottom.” It then cuts to the driver, who pulls out a mic and says “we have no reached our final destination. Please exit the bus immediately.” SpongeCock gasps in confusion as he makes his way to the front of the bus. “Yo driver, what’s the hold up? We need to get to SpongeCockia, not Bikini Bottom!” “Well, you’re out of luck,” the driver explains. “I can’t get to SpongeCockia without going through Bikini Bottom, and I’m not allowed through. Y’all are on your own.” Bernie then comes up as well. “Hey, when I said transportation for all, I meant for all!” He says, as the driver shakes him off. “I thought you were for the middle class,” he fires back, as Bernie bows his head. “You’re right. Come on everyone, let’s get there on foot,” he says, walking off as the rest of the gang follows him. “Yo driver,” Fatprick says, turning back for a second. “I just did Nagasaki in yo shitter,” as he laughs and waddles away.
“Alright y’all, change of plans,” SpongeCock says, “we’re about a 30 minute walk from SpongeCockia. We’ll need to duck all the feds and boom, we in the clear. Got that?” “But how?” Shitward asks. “Bikini Bottom has one of the strongest militaries around, surely they can root us out.” “Nope, not under my watch,” Fatprick says, as he picks up a bunch of rocks and brings them over. “Uh… Fatprick, that’s just a bunch of rocks,” Kraps says. “Yep. An accurate representation of my stool. But anyway, we need to hide under these. Perfect disguise, trust me.” SpongeCock has a deadpan expression. “Uh, I don’t think that’s gonna work. Hey, what about those 7 conveniently placed bushes over there?” He asks, pointing at them. “You thinkin what I’m thinkin?” All of them nod as they make their way to the bushes and hide in them. “Okay gang, let’s roll,” he says, as they are shown walking while inside of the bushes. 
The scene cuts to a group of officers sitting by a car having a conversation. “So, y’all here about Trump getting arrested?” “Yeah, shit’s crazy. I thought Biden and him were friends, how are they gonna arrest a former president like that?” “Uh, you mean current president? He won the election you know…” “Come on, Simmons, as much as I love TRUMP TRUMP TRUMP, he lost, and so far, Biden hasn’t done anything wrong to us. Hell, he increased our funding so we could shoot more black fish.” “AND starfish, don’t forget starfish.” As they continue to chat, all of the SpongeCockians make their way across the terrain inside the bushes. The officers look over to see that there are now bushes right in front of him. “Say, I don’t think those green bastards were here before.” “Godammit Fitzgerald, you’re always trying to change the conversation. The truth is, Trump is our one true president and we MUST UNITE BEHIND HIM. I SAY WE GATHER EVERY ALPHA MALE IN BIKINI BOTTOM AND SHOW THE DEEP STATE WHAT FOR! TRUMP 2024, BECAUSE FUCK YOUR FEELINGS!” “Ya know what, Simmons, you’re not bad for a rookie.” Fitzgerald starts to dial on his phone. “Chief, we need to unite the forces. Code Orange, Code Orange! Over,” as he tucks the phone and both of them drive off in the car. 
“Huh, I guess Trump got arrested,” Shitward points out. “WHAT! I KNEW THE LIBERALS WERE TAKING OVER,” Kraps says, while shaking his head. “Something doesn’t seem right…” SpongeCock points out. “If the only cops here are backed by both Bikini Bottom AND the United States, then why would they turn against Trump?” “Who knows, gang, SpongeCockia is right ahead!” X points out, as they begin to move towards SpongeCock’s pinyapple. It begins to enlarge as they get closer, with all of them now running. SpongeCock looks back to see a mob of Bikini Bottomites and cops running towards them, as he yells “DUCK!,” leading them to stand still and find cover. The mob runs by them while chanting “TRUMP! TRUMP! TRUMP!” They go undetected, as they all go “phew” and wipe sweat off their foreheads. “That was close,” Shitward says. “Move on, hoes!,” he commands, as they start running again. However, before they can reach SpongeCockia, they all run right into a massive red wall which turns out to be L’fuck the Lobster. “AHA! I KNEW YOU COMMIE LIBTARD PEDOPHILES WERE BEHIND THIS,” he screams as he pounds on his chest and abs.” “Huh?” SpongeCock says as he ditches the bush. “Yo, what gives, we’re just trying to get home!” “Oh no you aren’t. Don’t think that I’m not aware of the satanic globalist operation where you inject Bill Gates’ 5G microchip into children so you groom them through your pizza parlors and get Donald Trump out of the public eye! I’M SO MAD RIGHT NOW I COULD JUST…. I COULD JUST…” L’fuck vores all of them, as his abs start to turn to fat. “Urp… oh god…” he then lets out a massive burp as they all come flying back out. “Hey wait!” L’fuck picks up Bernie, as SpongeCock and the gang are still laying on the ground confused. “I KNEW THAT TASTED LIKE MARXISM! NONE OTHER THAN SOCIALIST SANDERS,” he says, throwing him down to the ground. “I’VE SEEN ENOUGH! OFFICERS, TAKE THESE BETA BASTARDS AWAY!” A swarm of cops then take all of them into handcuffs and put them in several cars. One of the cops shakes L’fuck’s hand. “Mr. Lobster, you did good today. Thanks for putting another seven deep state traitors behind bars.” “Oh, it was nothing. Anything for TRUMP!” He screams while flexing. We then cut to the car with SpongeCock, as he sighs. “Where’s Antifa when you need them,” he says, while pulling out a THC pen. “Hey, y’all mind if I hit a blinker real quick?” “The devil’s lettuce?” the cop says. “Not at all.”
				MEANWHILE, BIDEN AND BASTARD
The episode cuts to Biden and Bastard walking away from Trump’s mansion with a briefcase full of money, which has some dollar bills poking out. “Man, that sure was easy,” Bastard says with a grin. “You’d think a guy like Trump would have security.” “Nah, don’t you see that man,” Biden responds, “he’s got a chiseled 6 pack, can bench 405, and can do pull ups with one finger. Hell, he would’ve beaten me in that fight if he wasn’t arrested.” “Uh, no offense Joe, but I’m pretty sure that 99% of the Bikini Bottom population would beat you in a match. “100% actually. Don’t forget the kids! I like to have them dom-” “NAHHHHHH let’s not talk about that,” Bastard says while covering Biden’s mouth. Polfgecks652 comes rolling onto the screen, screeching for help. “Master, we need you! HOLY GUACAMOLE! PRESIDENTIAL HARASSMENT!” he says, while pointing towards the prison, where the massive mob of citizens are protesting. “What the hell? They must be on our side!” Bastard and Biden start to run over as the cries of the mob grow louder. They can all be heard chanting “FREE TRUMP! FREE TRUMP! FREE TRUMP!” as the prison guards are shown guarding Trump’s cell door. “Alright, simmer down,” one of the guards says as the mob stops for a second. “Trump will be free soon. We’re just waiting on a little bail and we’ll all be good.” The crowd retains their silence for an extra second before continuing to chant for Trump again. Biden and Bastard then walk up a flight of stairs and approach the warden. Bastard clears his throat and then begins. “Warden, I believe that we have retrieved what you were asking for,” he says as Biden opens the briefcase. “One billion dollars. Now hand over Trump!” The crowd continues to chant for Trump in the background as Biden hands the warden the briefcase. “Yessir, I’m a man of my word,” the warden says, as he motions towards the door and opens it. “Alright Trump, you’re free to go.” “Wonderful. Glad to see our big, beautiful boaters came to exercise their first amendment rights and root for the people,” Trump says as he steps out and waves towards the crowd, as well as shaking Biden and Bastard’s hands.
While the crowd is still cheering, a few police officers bring the SpongeCockians up, who are all in handcuffs. “Mr. Warden, sir, we caught some of our biggest traitors trespassing on Bikini Bottom land,” one of the cops says, pushing SpongeCock ahead. “Hey, back off, you filthy pig!” He says back, as the cop hits him with a baton and he starts rubbing his head. “Yep. They’ll be locked up for a LONG time,” the other cop says. “Especially this one,” he says while pointing at Bernie. “No socialism allowed. And this one,” he says, pointing at Sully, “one of Area 51’s most prized aliens.” Sully’s face starts to turn red. “WHEN THE FUCK WILL YOU UNDERSTAND! I’M NOT A GODDAMN ALIEN YOU CU-” he stutters as the cop covers his mouth. The warden is shown scratching his head. “Uh, I dunno,” he says while laughing. “I don’t think that’ll be necessary,” he says as some other officers walk up. “What the hell are you talking about? These are literally our most wanted criminals. Why on earth wouldn’t you want them?” “Well, I, uh…” the warden stutters. Bastard walks onto the screen as well. “Plus, why would you be more reluctant to imprison them than TRUMP?!” The warden starts sweating more vigorously. “Well, funny you ask…” “That’s it! No true cop would pass up the opportunity to fortune seven defectors. You must be…” The cop detaining SpongeCock walks over and starts to pull on the warden’s face, as the camera quickly cuts to his surprised reaction and the rest of the SpongeCockians gasping. 
“Yep. That’s right,” the new voice says, as the camera pans onto the warden who is shown to be Ms. Puss. “Antifa wins again!” The mob all have shocked expressions as well. “But… how?” SpongeCock asks, as the rest of the cops pull off their masks. Two of them are revealed to be Scotty and Fricky, and the rest are other members of Antifa. “Dad!” Fricky says as he runs over and hugs SpongeCock. “Oh, son, I’ll never take you for granted again.” Puss is shown counting the money in the briefcase quickly under her breath before SpongeCock and Fricky are shown again. “You know dad, I really just want to know who my mom is. We’ve gone through so much, and I need that clos-” The real cops then walk up to SpongeCock and Fricky, both aiming guns are their temples. “Alright, the reunion’s over. You may have fooled us.” “Yep, the perfect plan,” Puss explains. “It was simple - I dropped hints to Bastard that Trump and Biden were planning to turn on him,” she explains, as it cuts to a flashback of Bastard watching footage of the two making deals. “Then, once Bastard pitted them against each other, I knew we had to hold one of them hostage, gain ALL of the leverage.” “Plus, we heard that you guys were coming back on the news,” Fricky says to the SpongeCockians. “I knew what we had to do - take advantage of Trump’s massive wealth and build back the SpongeCockian army, and that also includes taking you back to the promise land.” Fricky and Puss share a fist bump as the SpongeCockians clap it up for them. Both cops and Biden, Trump, and Bastard however, shake their heads, as the cops cock the guns back. “RUN!” SpongeCock yells, as all of them take off and sprint off. Bastards grabs a megaphone and orders everyone to attack, as the whole mob of Trumpers and cops start following them.
“COME ON! WE’RE ALMOST THERE,” SpongeCock yells, as he looks back to see the mob that is lead by Trump and Biden approaching them quickly. “Puss, you still got that briefcase?” “Sure do,” she says, as she pulls it out of her suit before putting it back in. They continue running as SpongeCockia is seen just over the hill. However, the mob is gaining on them, as SpongeCock starts to sweat. Just then, he receives a signal from his mic, as Fatdick’s voice is heard on the line. “SpongeCock… SpongeCock! Come in,” he says, as SpongeCock taps the mic while still running. “SpongeCock here, over.” “Yes, I see you’re in trouble,” Fatdick says, as it shows him on the phone while Dan is trapped in a cage in the background of his office. “Here’s your first piece of help. Tell Bernie to take away their guns.” “He… he can do that?” “JUST TELL HIM!” “ALRIGHT! Bernie,” SpongeCock says while running, “take away their guns.” Bernie then stops running and rises up, turning to the mob. The mob is catching up as Bernie telepathically causes their guns to float to him, leaving them unarmed. He is now holding all of them and points it at the mob. “Guess the NRA will have to put me at a D- again!” he says, as he shoots at everyone in the mob, causing them to stumble over, buying more time for the SpongeCockians to cross their border and take shelter in SpongeCock’s pinyapple. Bernie is the last one in as he closes the door behind him.
The inside of the pinyapple is shown, as SpongeCock looks out the window to see that the crowd is getting back on their feet and surrounding the block. “Yikes. They just don’t give up, do they?” He asks. It then cuts to the outside, where Bastard is yelling through the megaphone again. “Come on, you can’t hide forever.” “Well, technically, they can,” Biden says, as Polfgecks652 slaps him. “Oops, sorry love!” “It’s okay, you know I like it,” BIden says while blushing. “Okay SpongeCockians, have it your war. It’s time for WAR!” Bastard says, as he walks away with the gang. “Time to settle some shit!” It then cuts back to the inside of the pinyapple, where sinister music starts to play. “Oh god. Not war,” Kraps says. “Against TRUMP!” “Face it red,” Fatprick says, “we need to launch some nukes. And not just my shits.” Fricky is shown to be sitting on the couch, looking out the window with binoculars and studying the tanks and choppers pulling up to the border with reinforcements. He gulps. “Aw shit… is this… the end?” he asks, as SpongeCock sits next to him. “No Fricky,” he says, as Puss comes up to them with the briefcase of money. “It’s just the beginning.” SpongeCock then makes his way to the front door, where he opens it and looks at the Bikini Bottomites patrolling the border. They all exchange looks as more SpongeCockians come to the door. All of them start nodding aggressively, as the episode ends on a zoom out of the border as both sides retreat back to their base.
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