The Simpsons Road Rage/Quotes

==Introduction Cutscene==
(Bart is playing video games when Homer steps in front of the TV)Bart Simpson: Dad!Homer Simpson: Quit playing those stupid video games, boy! I want to watch TV!(Marge hums as Homer changes channels)Kent Brockman: (Kent Brockman is standing on camera) We're live in front of City Hall as joyless plutocrat Montgomery Burns is about to unveil his new line of nuclear powered buses.Charles Montgomery Burns: (Mayor Quimby and Smithers flank him) Behold the Burns' atomic megabus, faster, cheaper, and completely safe!Hans Moleman: (Hans Moleman is standing next to a nuclear bus, both are glowing) Please kill me.Marge Simpson: (Back to the Simpson's couch where the family is sitting watching the TV) That poor man, I hope someone does kill him.Lisa Simpson: Those radioactive buses are a threat to the public health!Homer Simpson: Threat to public health, eh? That gives me an idea. (Homer is outside and has painted 'Homer 4 Hire' on his car) What do you think?Marge Simpson: (Lisa is shaking her head) Hrmmm.Bart Simpson: (breaking the fourth wall) Just get to the game already!Homer Simpson: (starts his car) Woohoo! Alright!(Drives over the mailbox twice, and speeds off westwards)
==Driver Selection==
Homer Simpson: (Family Sedan), drives into sight) Woohoo! I got the need for speed and money.
Homer Simpson: (Car Built For Homer is on a showcase, laughter is heard in the background) The sticker price is $82,000!? (a crowd gasps and the horn honks to the tune of La Cucarucha)
Bart Simpson: (Drives into view and gives the middle finger salute) I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?
Marge Simpson: (Canyonero drives up ramp after hitting telephone pole.) Everyone better stay out of my way!
Lisa Simpson: (Drives up in Elec-taurus) Get ready for electric speed! (Plug pops out) Oh dear.
Abraham Simpson: (Rams shriner car into a fire hydrant) Buh, Buh, buh, look where you're goin' ya idiot!
Groundskeeper Willie: (Drives up in tractor with Willy painted on it and does a wheelie) Get ready for some big Willie style!
Krusty the Clown: (Drives up and hops out) Hey-Hey! Time to make some kablingy, I mean mazoolians.
Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: (Drives in on two side wheels) Driving this car is more dangerous than the night shift at the Kwik-E-Mart. But, what the heck?
* Barney Gumble: (The truck has a bunch of snow in the back and Homer is standing behind the truck) Whoa, it's my turn to drive already??! (dumps snow on Homer)
* Homer Simpson: D'oh!
Moe Szyslak: (Drives up and trunk opens and a Panda appears) Vamoose. Get out of here. Scram! (Trunk closes) Hey, it isn't mine, I swear.
Otto Mann: (Drives around knocking down some cones) Alright! ALRIGHT! This is way better than driving those stupid kids!
Clancy Wiggum: (Pulls up with siren on) Never fear. Chief Wiggum is around. (eats a doughnut)
Ned Flanders: (Drives into a holy light) Ned Flanders at your ser-diddly-ervice.
Homer Simpson: (Mr. Plow plows through some snow singing) Oh, Mr. Plow, that's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow.
Reverend Lovejoy: (Drives in as the book, Little Women, flies out of the Book Burning Mobile and hits the camera) Come and ride in the Lord's chariot.
* (Chief Wiggum is in pursuit of Snake)
* Clancy Wiggum: Freeze, hairball! (Both cars go off screen, a car crashes and a wheel rolls by)Snake Jailbird: Alright, let's go smash things!
Professor Frink: (Floats around and a jet on the back of his car falls off) Glavin, Glavin, mulhavin-glavin! That monkey is going to pay!
==Missions==
====Willie's Paper Shredder====
Groundskeeper Willie: (proceeds to hit Mr. Burns' 20 newspaper stands) You won't get away with this, Burns!
====Bart On The Run====
Homer Simpson: Boy, remember when daddy told you about being responsible & showing up to work on time? Well, it's all a lie.
Bart Simpson: Homer, that's America to me.
====Barney's Rage====
Barney Gumble: Oh, the world's gone crazy! There are mascots everywhere! Or maybe I'm just seeing double again, who knows?
====Burns' Arena====
Homer Simpson: You'll remember my name when we're finished here, Burns!
Homer Simpson: Hey, What the?
==Drivers==
====Homer Simpson====
===== Intro =====
*USA! USA!
===== Passengers Get In =====
*Get in. I got candy!
*What part of "Get in" don't you understand?
*Seatbelt schmeatbelt.
*(to Marge) Hi Marge.
*Homer 4 Hire at your service!
*(to Jasper Beardley) Where to, Mac?
*(to Bart) Get in, boy.
*(to Bart) Why aren't you in school, boy?
*(to Lisa) Hi, sweetie.
*(to Lisa) Hi sweetie, how are ya?
*(to Grampa) Get in the car, Dad.
*(to Grampa) Dad!? What are you doing here?
*(to Barney Gumble) Hop in. I accept Duff as currency.
*(to Barney Gumble) Barney! What are you doing here?
*(to Nick Riveria) Hi, Doctor Nick!
*(to Apu) Hello, Apu.
*(to Apu) Hello, my Hindu friend.
*(to Clancy Wiggum) (nervous) Oh! Chief Wiggum! Wh-what are you doing here?
*(to Clancy Wiggum) Chief Wiggum, hehe. How can I be of law-abiding service?
*(to Ned Flanders) Flanders? Oh, boy, why did I stop?
*Well, well, if it isn't Mister Goody-Two-Shoes himself.
* (to Timothy Lovejoy) Hello, Reverend Lovejoy!
*Well well well, if it isn't Mister Fire And Brimstone himself.
*It's crashing time!
*(to Milhouse) Get in the car, Milhouse.
*(to Milhouse) Milhouse! You're one weird kid, you know that.
* (to Moe) Get in the car, Moe.
* (to Moe) Hi, Moe. What's new?
===== Destination Started =====
***** straight!
*Let's do this thing!
*Oh! Can I come?
*Whatever.
*Okay, I didn't ask about your life story.
*Boring!
*The what now?
*Careful! Don't sit on my nachos!
*Do you have any barf bags? I don't feel so good.
===== Destination Completed =====
*Thank you!
*Alright!
*Tip, please.
*Woohoo! Alright!
*I hope you didn't puke.
*Would you like a receipt? Too bad!
*That's a spicy meatball!
*Now that's driving.
*That was too easy.
*Did I do great or really great?
===== Other =====
*Just call me Air Homer!
*I feel bad about myself.
*Please don't sue!
*Get outta my way, jerk-**s!
*Ow! My **s!
*Ow! My head!
*Ow! my neck!
*Oh, I bit my tongue.
*Aw, I swallowed my gum!
*Mistakes were made!
*I'm not a very good driver.
*I have no insurance!
*D'oh!
*Lousy, rotten, carbic retribution.
*Tip, please.
*I am so smart, I am so smart, S-M-R-T--- I mean S-M-A-R-T!
*Aw, I thought I was winning.
*Aw, this video game su-ucks!
*What do you mean "Game Over"?
*Noooooooooooooo!
*D'oh! Sad clown. Why you torment me so?
==== Marge Simpson ====
===== Intro =====
*I hope the traffic is nice.
*Can you name the truck with four wheel drive? Smells like a steak and seats 35. Canyonero! CANYONERO!!!
===== Passengers get in =====
*Move your keister, Meister!
*Hello there!
*Where can I take you?
*Hi, I'm Marge.
*Welcome to my world.
*You're with Marge now.
*Hop in Handsome!
*(to Bart) Bart!? My special little guy!
*(to Bart) Bart!? What are you doing here?
*(to Lisa) Oh Lisa sweetheart! Get In?
*(to Homer) Homer!? Get in the car?
*(to Homer) Hi Homie! Get in!
*(to Moe) Hi Moe!
*(to Moe) Moe!? Get in the car?
*(to Apu) Apu!? Get in the car?
*(to Apu) Hi Apu! Hop in!
*(to Barney Gumble) Barney!? Get in the car?
*(to Barney Gumble) Barney!? You look terrible?
*(to Milhouse) Millhouse!? Hi Hop In
*(to Milhouse) Millhouse are you supposed to be out here?
*(to Timothy Lovejoy) Reverend Lovejoy!? Hi!
*(to Timothy Lovejoy) Hi Reverend, can I give you a lift?
* (to Grampa) Grampa, what are you doing outside?
*(to Grampa) Grampa, are you lost?
*(to Nick Riveria) Hi, Doctor Nick!
===== Destination Started =====
*Another day, another dollar. (laughs)
*(Laughs) Whatever you say.
*Easy come, easy go.
*Hold on tight!
*You got it!
===== Destination Completed =====
* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
* There you go.
*There you go. Hope you like the ride.
*See you again, Soon.
*See ya round.
===== Other =====
*Whoops.
*Ow, my tushy. Whoo!
*Oh, my goodness!
*Oh, my heavens!
*Huh. I could've sworn I had more time left.
*Oh, well. I had a good run.
*Everyone's the winner.
*Don't pressure me!
*Get your caboose in here.
====Bart Simpson====
===== Intro =====
*It's time for some Road Rage! Bart Simpson style! 
* Time to make some cold hard cash! (evil laugh)
===== Passengers get in =====
* Welcome to the Bart Zone.
*Bart Simpson at your service.
* (to Seymour Skinner) Principal Skinner! I..Uhh..
* (to Lisa) Hey, Lisa.
* (to Homer) Hi, Homer!
* (to Marge) Hi, Mom!
* (to Marge) Uh, hi, Mom!
* (to Grampa) Hi, Grampa!
* (to Grampa) Grampa, they let you outside!
* (to Edna Krabappel) What the...!?
*(to Apu) Hey, Apu.
* (to Apu) Apu, my good man! How was the Kwik-E-Mart game?
* (to Milhouse) Hey, Milhouse, what's happening man?
* (to Milhouse) Hop in, Milhouse.
* (to Krusty the Clown) Krusty the Clown! You are my favorite!
* (to Krusty the Clown) Krusty! What's up for Springfield's greatest entertainer?
*(to Groundskeeper Willie) Willie, why do you need a ride?
*(to Groundskeeper Willie) Hi, Groundskeeper Willie!?
*(to Reverend Lovejoy) If it isn't Reverend Lovejoy.
*Let's go, mac. Haven't got all day.
*(to Nick Riviera) Hi, Doctor Nick.
===== Destination Started =====
* Fine by me.
*No problemo.
* You got it.
*Alright, alright. Chill, man.
===== Destination Completed =====
* Get out of the car, man.
*Don't forget to write.
*So glad to be of service.
*Glad to be of service.
* Safe and sound.
*Thanks for riding with Bart Simpson Incorporated.
* Welcome to your destination.
*And here we are.
===== Others =====
*Cooool!
* Whoa!
* Don't have a cow, man. I'll get you there.
* Cowabunga, dude.
* Bingo!
* I didn't do it.
* Oops.
* Yeah!
* Uh, get out of the way!
* And where to?
* Oh, man. This sucks.
* Oh, come on. Just a few more seconds.
====Lisa Simpson====
===== Intro =====
* Hello, Springfield.
* Get ready for the electric speed!.
===== Passengers get in =====
* (to Nick Riveria) Hi, Doctor Nick!
*(to Bart) Bart, Hop In?
*(to Bart) Hey Bart!
*(to Grampa) Hi Grampa, what are you doing here?
*(to Grampa) Grampa are you alright?
*(to Homer) Dad! Get in the car!
*(to Homer) Hi Dad! Hop In!
*(to Marge) Hey Mom!
*(to Marge) Hi Mom!
*(to Krusty the Clown) Krusty The Clown! My Brother and I Love Your Show!
*(to Krusty the Clown) Krusty The Clown! Itchy and Scratchy are My Favorite!
===== Destination Started =====
* Sit back, and leave the driving to me.
* Welcome aboard.
===== Destination Completed =====
* Lisa Simpson is never tardy.
* Electric cars only go so fast!!
* Tell your friends about me!
===== Others =====
*But I was just getting started!
*NO! Not the trees! Not the precious life-giving trees! Oh, why? Why?
*Where to Citizen?
*Don't sit on my handheld.
*Oh no!
*Look at me, i'm flying!
*Whee!
*Get out of the way!
*How do you like my Elec-Taurus??
*Everyone is a psycho but me!
====Abraham Simpson====
===== Intro =====
*Oh I sure hope I don't fall asleep on the wheel.
*Let's drive! What's a car?.
===== Passengers get in =====
* Hop in, Junior! Time's a-wasting! *Snorrrreee*
*(to Nick Riveria) Hi, Doctor Nick!
===== Destination Started =====
* Hot diitty, let's go go go!
===== Destination Completed =====
* Bye. Oh now I'm alone. Oh well.
===== Others =====
*Hot digitty!
*Hot digitty, that was quick like flint!
*What year is this?
* I don't know.
* I'm lost? Aaaaah!
*Do you have my pills?
*There's my pelvis!
*Back in my day we called sandwichs flat freddies and they cost four playing cards a bite.
*Sit down and shut up.
***** teenagers.
*How 'bout them apples?
*Run along now.
*Heh heh didn't think we'd make it, did ya?
*This isn't fair!
*Don't send me back to the home!
*Would somebody tell me what just happened?
====Groundskeeper Willie====
===== Passengers Get In =====
* GET IN, and don't sit on my hedge clippers!
*GET IN, and help yerself to the lawn clippins!
* (to Nick Riveria) Hey, Doctor Nick!
* (to Seymour Skinner) Principal Skinner!?!
===== Others =====
*You never tangle with a greased Scotsman!
*Now get yer stinking arse out of my tractor.
*You ain't an Englishman, is ye/
*Never doubt a Scotsman.
*Ah, yer so daft.
*I have brought disgrace upon my entire clan!
*Uh, you didn't even get a Willie a chance!
*You got to be kidding me. I'm just getting warmed up.
*No tip?! Aye, a fellow Scotsman!!
*Mind the haggis!
*Sorry about the stink. Willie's been cleanin' out tha PUKE bucket!
*I didnae cry when they hanged mah father for stealin a pig... BUT I'LL CRY NOW!!!
*Don't make Willie angry. You wouldn't like Willie when he's angry.
*
*Sorry about tha stink. Willie's been cleanin out the puke bucket!
====Krusty the Clown====
===== Passengers Get In =====
*Hey hey! Get in the car and shut up!
*Welcome friends!
*(to Nick Riveria) Hi, Doctor Nick!
*Millions of children watch my show! Alright thousands! Okay dozens...
*Uh, I hope no one pukes in the car again. Yuck!
*Time to make some moola!
*Don't be frightened by my appearance. I am a trained professional harlequin.
*Bingo!
*This is too easy.
*Hey hey!
*Careful don't sit on Mr. Teeny.
*Ow! My shoes!
*Eat clown car jerks!
*AW CRAP!
*What's a clown gotta do to get ahead these days?
*These mashugana drivers are VERKAKTE!! (CRAPPY!)
*GAAAAGH!!! Welcome to VERKAKTE airlines!!
*My agent is SO fired.
*Uh, what do I have to do to make you people happy?
*What are you looking at? Have you ever seen a drunk clown before?
*What's the matter? You never seen a clown car before?
*Whatever.
*UUUGH, what does a clown have to DO to get AHEAD these days?!?!
*This clown ain't fooling around.
*Uh, I once nailed a groupie there.
*Uh, maybe I should stick to my day job.
====Apu Nahasapeemapetilon====
===== Passengers Get In =====
*Get in the car, please. I have many places to go today.
*(to Krusty the Clown) Hello There Krusty. I do not have dirty magazines with me but you can pick them up at the store anytime.
*(to Krusty the Clown) Hello Krusty, how are you today?
*(to Nick Riveria) Hi, Doctor Nick!
*That is okay with me.
*I must admit, the smell of fresh air is much more pleasing than the odour of the hot dog machine.
*I hope the Kwik-E-Mart does not get robbed more than 4 times while I am driving around today.
*Pick-a-penny-Leave-a-Penny.
===== Destination Started =====
*Here we go.
*Get ready for the ride of your life!
===== Destination Completed =====
*Farewell another passenger.
*Another satisfied customer.
*Now I must hurry to the next customer.
*Vishnu, here I come!
*Thank you, come again.
*Oh, get out of the way, silly pedestrian!
*The meter has been running since I saw you!
*I am having so much fun.
*Looks like the end of the road for Apu.
*I feel like an untouchable.
*I have brought shame to my family and my store.
====Barney Gumble====
===== Intro =====
*Whoa, its my turn to drive already??!
*I sold my driver's license for a box of wine.
===== Passengers Get In =====
*Hi, I'll be your driver today.
*Get in the car, both of you.
*(to Nick Riveria) Hi, Doctor Nick!
*(to Homer) Hey Homer!
*(to Moe) Hiya Moe.
* (to Moe) Hey Moe.
* (to Marge) Hey Marge.
*(to Marge) Hiya Marge.
*(burps)
===== Destination Started =====
*I can take you there.
*Sure thing, madam president. (burps)
===== Destination Completed =====
* There you go.
*There you are.
*Thanks for your patronage! (burps)
*Next time I'll do better, I promise. (burps)
===== Others =====
*(burps)
*Last call.
*Yay, I won something!! ... What was it
*Whoa, where do you come from?
*Whoa, watch where you're going.
*So much violence in the world today.
*Alright!
*Whoa! I don't to take that trip again anytime soon.
*Don't pressure me.
*Uh oh, I think I ate a bug...
*ARRRGH, WHERE'D THE GROUND GO?!?!?!
*Whoopsie daisy!
*Go back to your own planet!
*Hey, this isn't so hard.
*Sheesh. Why is everyone in such a rush?
*NOOOOOOOO! Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!!!!
====Moe Szyslak====
===== Passengers Get In =====
*(to Nick Riveria) Hi, Doctor Nick!
*(to Barney) God, you depress me.
*(to Barney) Hey Barn.
* Midge! What are you doing here?
* Hi Midge! Can i help you?
===== Others =====
*Where to, Mac?
* And away we MOE!!
* Moe money, Moe money.
* Another day, another money pile.
* Adiós ya useless tool.
* Alright, get out of the car now, please.
* Ah, geez, I was just gonna get good at this. (sigh)
* Ugh, everything I touch turns to CRAP...
* Oh, I'm gonna die lonely and ugly and dead...
* You're coming with me.
* I was born to fail.
* Hey, I don't go where YOU work and tell you YOU'RE running outta time!!
* Well, it's back to bartending for me.
* Ha-ha! Score one for the bartender!
* There ya go.
* Hurry up. I ain't got all day.
* Hold on to your hat, mac.
* Oh, come on!
* You got it!
* So long, loser.
* YOINK!
* WHOOOAAAAHHH!!!! SWEET MOTHER OF MIKE!!
* On the Moe.
* Why me?
* I'LL SMASH YA SPINES!!
====Otto Mann====
===== Passengers Get In =====
*Whoa, where did that come from?
*Climb on in, dude!
===== Destination Started =====
*Just leave the driving to me, dude.
*No problemo.
===== Destination Completed =====
*All right!
*Awesome!
*Rock on, dude!
===== Others =====
*Whoa, that was the big one.
*Man, this is going to be wicked cool.
*Chill out, you'll get there in time.
*Watch your step.
*Yeeeah! Every day, YOU ride the bus!!
*Ohhh, I hate comin' down.......
*Whoa, I spilled my pudding.
*This is way better than driving those stupid kids.
*Welcome to the magical mystery bus.
*Hop on the party bus!
*(to Seymour Skinner) (nervous) Hi Principal Skinner!
*(to Seymour Skinner) Hey Principal Skinner!
*Greetings, stranger.
*(to Nick Riveria) Hi, Doctor Nick!
*ZEPPELIN RULES!!!!
*Whoops.
*You got it, dude.
*Yeah!
*Yeah! I totally rule!
*Whoa, that is weak.
*Dude that heard Van Halen guitar so there's longer than that.
*What do you mean I've failed? Did I hit all or some?
====Clancy Wiggum====
* I'd call for an ambulance, but those guys are jerks.
* Time to dish out some justice. Wiggum style!
* Crime doesn't take a vacation, but I do.
* Ow! Sat on my gun!
* Hey, no fair! I was just getting warmed up...
* (to Nick Riveria) Hi, Doctor Nick.
* Well well if it isn't Homer Simpson!
* (to Homer) Homer Simpson! Stay out of my trouble i hope?
* (to Krusty the Clown) Hey Krusty! How's Business!
* (to Krusty the Clown) Hey it's Krusty The Clown!
* Just think how fast we would go if my siren worked?
* Good thing this car belongs to the city! (laughs)
* Sometimes I keep a sandwich in my holster!
* Well well if it isn't Major Kickback, how many bribes did you taken today.
* Quimby: None as of yet but hopefully that will change soon.
* (to Joe Quimby) Hello Major Quimby. Steal any government funds lately?!
* Quimby: None that you'll be able to trace, Chief Chump!
* See you around, dirt-bag.
* Aww, don’t take my badge! I need it for stuff!
* All for Wiggum!
* It's Wiggum Time!
* Clancy's got ya now!
* Lucky for you I didn't answer that 911 call.
* I speed pretty good for a cop!
* Give me a ride, my hooves hurt!
* Stay away from drugs, stay in school, yada-yada-yada!
* Nice work Clancy!
* (to Ralph Wiggum) Hop in, Son.
* Ralph Wiggum: I love you, Daddy.
* (After hitting someone) Good thing I'm a cop or I'll be in real trouble.
* (Referring to Snake) Hey, you've been in this car before, haven't you?
* Hey! That was my passenger!
* I won! Gimme a sandwich!
* (to Ralph Wiggum) Ralphie! What's the good word?
* (to Ralph Wiggum) Hi-ya Ralph, how was your day?
* What do you know?! I won!
* Score one for Wiggum!
* (After hitting someone) He was probably a criminal.
* (After crashing) That hurt my feelings.
* (While in air) Weee!
* I'm above the law!
* Don't sit on my gun!
* (While in air) Clancy goes up!
* (After hitting someone) Crybaby.
* (Referring to Snake) Hey, you look familiar.
* What's the big idea?
* Easy money!
* You're coming with me!
* Be cool, perp!
* Hurry up, I won't give you a ticket!
* (to Krusty the Clown) Nice try, Krusty! I'll see you in court next week!
====Ned Flanders====
*Aaaaaagh! I'm coming to join you, Maude!
*Slow and steady wins the race.
*Hop right in friend.
*Score one for old Neddy.
*Hello friend, where to?
*Hold on tight friend!
*You'll have a nice day now!
*Ned Flanders at your service.
*(to Nick Riveria) Hi, Doctor Nick!
*That's okay by me.
*Here you go friend.
*Oh, dear GOD, what have I DONE???
*Old Neddy will take you the rest of your way.
*See you later Computator!
*Well Neddy, I'm sure we're gonna have ourselves a busy day!
*(to Homer) Well hiya Homer, er would you mind returning my patty old furniture next Spring?
* Hi diddly ho-neighbor?
*Not to worry, next time I'll sure do better.
*Well, sure, Neddy, that wasn't so bad, was it?
====Reverend Lovejoy====
*Let us together spread the word of God.
*Come and ride in the Lord's chariot.
*Repent on your sins and ride with God.
*Time to make some filthy, FILTHY money!
*Time to spread the word of God! (And make some money on the side!)
*Verily I say unto three... GOTCHA!
*Welcome to the Kingdom of God.
*...And which they entered forth into the world and they were happy.
*Let's go! I've four sermons in a funeral to give today.
*Sounds good to me.
*Don't worry about it my fair child.
*Do not worry my child.
*Alright then.
*(to Bart) Oh good lord it's the demon child.
*Bart: Hi Reverend!
*(to Bart) Bart Simpson you can't possibly be up to any good.
*Bart: What's it to you churchy!
*(to Homer) Good lord it's HOMER SIMPSON?! May the angels protect me!!
*Homer: Angels?? WHERE???
*(to Homer) Hello HOMER in need of some salvation today are we?
*Homer: AND HOW!
*Well if it isn't another member my flock
*Marge: Hi Reverend I sure could use some divine intervention here.
*(to Marge) Hello Marge.
*Marge: You're god send Reverend! Oh I guess already could new that.
*(to Nick Riveria) Hello, Doctor Nick!
*Oh dear God! What have I done?
*And another one joins the (ahem) Kingdom of Heaven...
*I have rided with the chosen one.
*Don't worry friend, you're riding with the Lord now.
*Don't fear, God is here to protect us.
*There you go. Safe and sound.
*Praise be thou the glory of God.
*By Mother, we got comfort.
*Lord, what have I done to offend thee?
*Maybe this is a sign of God!
====Snake Jailbird====
*I love the smell of gasoline in the morning.
*Dude, get in the car and let's go.
*All right, a sucker.
*We're off to the races.
*All right, easy money.
*Snake Jailbird: Bummer, it's the heat.
*Clancy Wiggum: Hello there, familiar yet clearly innocent driver.
*No problem, dude.
*All right, let's roll.
*All right, let's go.
*Just leave the driving to me.
*Hey, leave the driving to me.
*Totally awesome!
*This is so much better than being in prison.
*All right!
*Awesome!
*This is where you get off.
*All right, time to pay.
*It's back to petty theft for me.
*Bummer! I was so getting in the groove.
*This town is going to pay for this.
*Score!
*(to Nick Riveria) Hi, Doctor Nick!
====Professor Frink====
*Professor Frink rides again!
*Welcome fellow Earthling.
*Superior technology brings superior results. MU-HAI!
*Oh dear the failure with the crying and the blaming and the calls to mommy!
*OHHH, I didn't mean to hit a person!!!
*That monkey is going to pay!
*All right then.
*Hey hey!
*ZOY!!!!
*So happy to be on the road with the driving, steering, and cellphone-related mishaps.
*Behold: Gravity in action! NO, not my pants, the CAR!
*Hey, Where can I take you?
*(to Nick Riveria) Hi, Doctor Nick!
==Passengers==
=== Apu Nahasapeemapetilon ===
===== Passengers Get in =====
* (to Bart) Little Bart, I do not think you are old enough to be driving, but... WHAT THE HECK??
* (to Homer) Hello Mr. Homer! You're looking as fat and lazy as ever!
* (to Marge) Mrs. Simpson your arrival is most timely!
*(to Marge) Thank you Mrs. Simpson! You are very gracious indeed!
*(to Krusty the Clown) Hello American Clown!
===== Destination Started =====
====== Evergreen Terrace ======
*Please take me to my store, I hope that shoplifters did not steal too many Squishees.
*Please take me to the grocery store, their low prices make me laugh.
*Please take me to the collection agency and do not us be right!
*Please take me to jittery joe's.
*Please take me to jazz radio.
*Please take me to the airport, there's an excellent strip club nearby!
===== Destination Completed =====
* That was so fast, take this jerky as a tip. (After a Fast trip)
*Thank you for your prompt service perhaps should do business in the future. (After a Fast trip)
*Your speediness will be rewarded in the next life
*Thank you for taking me where I needed to go.
*Thank you very much for the adequate lift. (After a Average trip)
*That was the worst trip I have ever been on.
* I would not have flagged you down had I known of your slowness!
===== Other =====
*Normally I am against eating animals, but I have heard good things about the Singing Sirloin!
*You must drive faster or I will travel out of your car.
*Vishnu frowns upon your wrecklessness.
*Vishnu here i come!
*I am higher than the Maharishi!
*Please refrain from crashing the car like that.
*Whoa, no!
*What are you trying to prove with this crazy driving?
*As full of danger and hot lead as ever!
*Ah, steady customer! Today it is you who will serve me!
*Oh dear.
*Apu does not like to be late.
=== Barney Gumble ===
===== Passengers Get In =====
* (to Marge) Thanks, Marge!
===== Destination Started =====
*Whoa, a ride! I promise I'll try my best not to throw up.
====== Evergreen Terrace ======
*Can you take me to the church? I think I did something last night and I need to confess, but I don't remember what it was...
====== Entertainment District ======
*Can you take me to Moe's House?
*Take me to the Duff Brewery! The happiest place in the world! (burps)
*Moe's please! My bar stool is calling me!
*Can you take me to the Bowl-A-Rama?
* Dating Service please! I should have no problem finding a lady.
====== Downtown ======
*To the Happy Sumo! I don’t remember why?
*To the Happy Sumo! Wasabi! Wasabi!
*Plasma Center! I need bear money!
*Oh Springfield Mission please! Got a only on a way for home!
*Black Box Bar please!
===== Destination Completed =====
*(burps) Thanks little buddy, you're the best. (After a Fast trip)
*Whooooaaa, I don't feel so good. (After a Fast/Safe Trip trip)
*Thanks see you round! (After a Safe trip)
*Thanks for the ride!
*Hey you're the slowpoke! SLOWPOKE! SLOWPOKE! (After a Slow trip)
===== Other =====
*Why, you're DRUNKER THAN *I* AM!!!!!
*Hurry up already, I'm going to be late.
*Hey, where are you taking me anyway?
*What? I don't know what I'm doing here.
*Can't you go any faster than this.
*(burps)
=== Bart Simpson ===
===== Passengers Get In =====
* (to Homer) Yes sir.
===== Destination Started =====
====== Evergreen Terrace ======
*To the Kwik-E-Mart, at once!!
*Can you take me to the Retirement Castle? Grampa needs a sponge bath!
* No time to Talk! Just take me home okay?
===== Entertainment District =====
* Candy Most Dandy! On The Double!
* Milkshake Shop please! I'm looking for Betty and Veronica! Groww!
* To the Arcade! I got pocket full of quarters!
* Ice Cream Shop please! I need some butter bricks to take the edge off.
* The Aztec Theatre please! There's a Space Mutants Marathon going down!
===== Springfield Dam =====
* Can you take me to the Radio Station?
====== Nuclear Power Plant ======
* Can you take me to the Cooling Towers?
====== Downtown ======
* To the Legitimate Businessman's Club please!
* The comic book store please! Radio Active Man is in.
* Take me to the Area 51-A please!
* To the Girl School please! Don't Ask!
* Hey man, you know ride to get some chow?
===== Destination Completed =====
* Oh-ho, that was the coolest. (After a Fast trip)
*Awesome man. That was the best ride ever. (After a Fast trip)
===== Other =====
*No time to talk just take me home ok!
* Uh... There was a fire... and, uh... Principal Skinner, and, all of the teachers, burned up!.
* Don’t call me that in public!
* That will keep for the American Strong!
* This is the coolest car ever seen!
* How you know to drive cool!
* Dude, where are you going?
* Hurry up already, I'm gonna be late.
*This sucks. I'm outta here.
* I've had it. You're too slow.
* This sucks.
* Boring.
*Whoa wicked!
* Ah, this sucks.
*Nice driven man.
* Thanks for the lift, dude.
* Come on, come on, I haven't got all day!
* Well am I glad to see you?
* Take me to the stream by the plant! Those three-eyed fish make mmm mmm GOOD eating!
* Stop!
* Hey, man. Stop the car!
* Over here!
=== Bumblebee Man ===
* Alto! (Stop!)
* No es facil. (Don't yield.)
* Ay me agahon.
* Aye aye aye.
* Adelante!! Adelante!! (Forward!! Forward!!)
* Tengo mucha hambre, mi perro se comió toda mi comida. (I'm very hungry my dog ate all my food.)
* Mas rapido por favor! (Faster please!)
* Your driving, she stinks.
* Hospital, por favor. Soy muy alérgica a mi traje (Hospital, please. I am very allergic to my suit)
* ¿Por qué usted está conduciendo en la dirección equivocada? (Why are you driving in the wrong direction?!)
* Ay yi yi, ¿por qué es tan cruel el mundo? (Ay yi yi, why is the world so cruel?!)
* Ay, mi cabeza! (Ay my head!)
* Ay, mi aguijón! (Ay my stinger!)
* Ay, mis garras! (Ay my claws!)
* Ay, mi cuello! (Ay, my neck!)
* Dale partire!!
==== Destination Started ====
* Rancho Relaxo por favor. (Rancho Relaxo please.)
==== Destination Completed ====
* Eres un chofer muy bueno. Muchas gracias! (You are a good chaffeur. Thank you!) (After a Road Rage trip)
*Eso fue un viaje muy bueno. Bien gracias! (That was a good roadtrip. Good thank you!) (After a Fast trip)
*Gracias, I guess. (Thank you, I guess.)
* Thank you for the ride my friend
* Mi horvia, muchas gracias. (My horvia, thank you very much)
=== Captain Horatio McCallister ===
==== Destination Started ====
*Yargh, can you give an old seabird a lift?
* Yargh, can you take me to the shopping mall? I need card go pants!
* Would you like take me to the Stonecutters Lodge?
* Can ye take me to the Frying Dutchman? I like to watch the landlubbers chow down!
*Yargh, Rancho Relaxo if ya don't mind.
* Yargh Matey, to the museum with me!
===== Destination Completed =====
* The port of call, yar-hargh! (After a Fast trip)
===== Others =====
* That was uncalled for, methinks.
* Can't this landlubber machine go any faster?
* Could you please stop running us aground now?
* That was 40 knots over the speed limit.
* Thar she blows.
* Ahoy, maties.
*Yargh, this ship be too slow, says I.
=== Clancy Wiggum ===
===== Passengers Get In =====
*Gimme a ride.
*Drive. With extreme prejudice.
*(to Homer) Just making that people are obeying the law, that's all.
*Official police business. I'll tell you where I'm going, but then I'd have to kill ya.
===== Destination Started =====
*Can you take me this address? I have to deliver a warrant.
====== Evergreen Terrace ======
* Can you take me home? Thieves stole my police car.
====== Entertainment District ======
* Take me to the Krusty Burger at once. I give you a permission to speed.
* Moe's Tavern, please. Moe will bribe anyone.
====== Downtown ======
*Take me to the Legitimate Businessman's Club. I'm judge, jury and executioner.
*Can you take me to the Painless Dentistry Clinic?
*Take me to the Mayor's House. How come I don't get a house?
*Girlesque! I need to see booty.
*Quick, take me to the Police Station! I've just got Cable TV!
*City Hall on the double! They just refilled the candy machine!
*Courthouse please!
*Take me to the um... Mason Dairyere... I've got to investigate some uh... regular... happenings.
*Could you take me to the Canine College? Boy, the things that those dogs know.
*Take me to the Prison. I'm judging an inmate talent contest.
*To the donut shop, please, and keep the wisecracks to yourself.
*To the Police Academy, please - not the movie, the academy.
===== Destination Completed =====
* Thanks for the lift. (After a Average trip)
* Thanks for the ride! I'll miss ya!
*You sure know how to speed. (After a Fast trip)
*Hey! The law says you're not supposed to go that fast, but what the heck? (After a Fast trip)
===== Others =====
*I'd like to tell you where I'm going, but then I'd have to kill ya.
*Hurry up, I won't give you a ticket.
**Whistles* I don't think you know where you're going.
*Whoa, that was a big one!
*Ow, my tushie!
*What's the big idea?
*Wheeeeee!
*That's a moving violation.
*Ow! I sat on my gun!
*Sorry buddy, you're just too slow!
*I am outta here!
*You can drive 55!
*Literally, I say "Gotcha!".
*I guess pigs really can fly!
*I guess that's what you get when you have to drive the speed limit.
*You could've driven a little faster, Clancy understands.
*Time to bring home the bacon - me, that is.
*Hello there, familiar but clearly innocent driver.
*Dog School on the double! I love puppies.
*Do you know where an honest cop can get a donut?
*Can your chuckles, just shut up and drive!
*(to Krusty the Clown) Nice try Krusty! I'll see you in court!
*Aww, come on I need a ride!
*Stop or I'll shoot!
*I've been robbed! Someone call the cops!
*Ohh... now I have to chase ya!
*Aww, gee thanks!
=== Comic Book Guy ===
===== Destination Started =====
* Please take me to my store, and make it quick! Every minute my store is closed has a negative effect on society!
*Please take me to the Museum!
*To the Library!
*Take me to the Sci-Fi Convenction before exciting has been reported!
*Take me to Krusty Burger Required Burgers to the Space Mutants Marathon!
*Required Assistance! Take me to the nearest eating establishment!
*To the Arcade please! The Conquest of Enemy Forces awaits!
*Girlesque please! There's nothing live by burritos alone!
===== Destination Completed =====
*You did that at warp 10. (After a Fast trip)
*That was the greatest ride in history. (After a Fast trip)
===== Others =====
*You really must learn how to drive.
*Warp speed!
*Will you hurry up I'm going to be late.
*I think you could've avoided that.
*I spilled my Squishee.
*Worst video game ever.
*That ride was adequate.
*Thank you for the lift!
*Worst trip ever!
*Worst producer ever!.
*Worst designer ever!
*Worst programmer ever!
*Worst artist ever!
=== Dr. Nick Riviera ===
===== Passengers Get In =====
* Hi everybody!
===== Destination Started =====
*Doctor Nick is hungry! Can you take me to the restaurant?
*Take me to the Retirement Castle please, I need a cadaver to practice on.
*Funeral home please! I need to artist some organs.
*Please take me to the hospital. I pretend to work there!
*I need to go to the Plasma Center!
===== Destination Completed =====
* Thanks, stop by my clinic for a free nose job. (After a Fast trip)
*Bye everybody. (After a Fast trip)
===== Others =====
*Why isn't anybody stopping?!
*Hello??
*Stop!!
*You need to drive faster.
*I'm a little dizzy from the anaesthetic. I'm just going to sit here for a while!
*Uh oh this is going to be a bumpy ride.
*Why do you keep crashing into things?
*Enough with the crashing.
*You drive well as I practice medicine!!
*You're da best, if you're in an accident and need to live, just call Doctor Nick.
*You're da Doctor Nick of driving.
*You've made a boo-boo.
*You don't know where you're going.
*Maybe driving is not for you, huh? Why not try heart surgery instead?
=== Edna Krabappel ===
===== Passengers Get In =====
* (to Bart) You don't answer to me, I don't answer to you!
=== Destination Started ===
*Grocery store please, another microwave meal for one for dinner.
* Take me to Seymour's House, if anyone asks, just tell 'em I'm marking tests. (chuckles)
* Take me to the School, please.
* Ugh, I've had enough of those kids. Just take me home, okay?
* Ugh, I've had enough of those kids.
* Take me to the Black Box Bar!
* Jittery Joe’s please!
* I need to get to The Copy Jalopy!
* Hey, Take me to The Happy Sumo! I craved for all fish.
==== Destination Completed ====
* Thanks for the ride!
* See you around!
* Well, you sure drive better than Seymour. (After a Fast trip)
* You sure drive better than Seymour. (chuckles) (After a Fast trip)
* Your driving gets me a D-.
==== Others ====
* What's the big idea, Buster?
* That trip gets an A+.
* Now I'll never see Paris.
* I'd give that ride a C.
* So long, sucker! Ha!
* Just where are you taking me?
* Over here, dummy.
* Stop.
* I'm not asking for the directions
* Heh, men NEVER ask for directions....
* You're slower than my students.
=== Ned Flanders ===
==== Passengers Get In ====
* (to Homer) Hiya Homer!
* Hi diddly ho-neighbor!
==== Destination Started ====
*Can you take me Rev. Lovejoy's house? I want him to bless my new haircut.
*If you took me to the church, I'll be the happiest Christian of the world!
*Say, can you take me home good Samaritan?
*Say eh, can you drive me to the museum?
*Library please! I've got some new books about thinking about burn it?
*Say, can you take me to the Springfield Mission? Nothing like hell did the media i was say?
*Would you please take me to the Happy Widow's Insurance Company?
==== Destination Completed ====
* You have a nice day now.
* That was fa diddly ask thanks a lot! (After a Fast trip)
* Woo-ho, that was quick. (After a Fast trip)
* See you around, friend.
* Thanks for the ride.
* Friend, I don't think you're doing to last too long out here driving like that. (After a Slow trip)
==== Others ====
*Oww.
*Oh dear, Neddy's late! Oh well.
*Cathedral of the Downtown, please. They're all heathens, but God tells us to hate the sin, and love the sinner!
=== Professor Frink ===
==== Destination Started ====
* Take me to the Stonecutters Lodge Please!
* Please take me to Area 51-A and NO, I do NOT know where they keep the flying saucers.
* Please take me home, and... refrain from mocking me...!
==== Destination Completed ====
*You must have had Flubber in the gas tank. (After a Fast trip)
*See you around, you silly person.
*Farewell, slow person.
*Silly Person. The primary reason you are picking me up right now is according to the laws of physics gah-hoy Hey I cannot occupy two places at the same time.
*Ow, the collision, it hurts me.
*Ow, my glasses need tape.
*More velocity. I'm going to be late.
*Whoa.
*Save me from the pain.
*Thank you. It was like I was cryogenically frozen without the heartbeat and the ceasing of the aging process gah-hoy.
*You're a disgrace to drivers everywhere.
*Here's a tip. LEARN TO DRIVE!
*I gotta few my rocket skates!
====Abraham Simpson====
*Retirement Castle and step on it, I'm missing Matlock! MATLOCK!!
*Take me to the Burlesque House and step on it, I'm not getting any younger!
*Can you take me to the Girlesque please?
*DMV please! I like to wait in line.
*Take me to Grandma's World! I'm horny!!!
*I left a mannequin in my bed.
*Ah, I leprechaun.
*(indistinct) Oh we're here already?
*Well, I'm off to die now.
* Thanks for the lift!
* I don't know.
* I'm lost?! Aaaaah!
* Do I know you?
* Who were you?
* Just shut up and drive!
* OK
*Hurry up while I'm young. Too late.
*You call yourself a driver? huh
* You're the worst driver since Fanny Brite! (After a Slow trip)
*Where are you taking me... To ****!?
====Hans Moleman====
*Anyone there? Hello?
*Take me somewhere happy.
*Oh, take me home please...
*Can you take me somewhere... That Oh, I forgot where I need to go.
*Aztec Theatre please! I don't remember why?
*Dating Service please! I'm a very lonely man!
*Sushi place please!
*Would you drive me to the Collection Agency! I did a bad thing!
*The DMV please! I have to revote my license!
*Your driving scares me.
*Oh, are we here already? (After a Fast trip)
*That was the best ride I ever had. (After a Fast trip)
*All I know is pain.
* Thank you!
* See you later!
*I thought I was slow.
*My wrinkle hurts. (After a Slow trip)
*Even I know this isn't the right way.
*Oh, You're going the wrong way.
*Goodbye. Loser.
*You need to walk now!
====Homer Simpson====
*You drive like I think...slowly.
*That... hurt.
*Stop, taxi.
*Over here.
*Thanks sweetie!
*Hi honeybunch!
*(to Bart) Hey Bart!
*Please don't take me to jail I have family to feed!
*Unless you called stealing trouble?
* Krusty burger please, It's milkshake monday.
*Take me to Barney's I'm late for an intervention.
*Candy Most Dandy please!
* Black Box Bar please!
* Take me to the Duff Brewery on the double! Mmm Beer!
*Take me to the Bowl-A-Rama. The pins are calling me.
*Happy Sumo right away. I like my sushi well’s done.
*Learn to drive dumb**s!
*OK, that's a law suit.
*Retirement castle please, Grampa found a treasure map!
*Oh, I bit my tongue.
*Uh, I need to go the Moe's House!
*Take me home, Where I am too drunk to walk.
*(slurred) TAKE ME HOME, I'M TOO DRUNK TO WALK!!
*Take Me To The Power Plant. I'm on a Mission for Fission!
*Mr Burns wants to see me in his office and right away! If I'm late, he'll have me ELIMINATED...!
*I need to go to my workstation. My sleeping bag is there.
*Take me to the Courthouse! I'm late for my sentencing!
*Burn's Mansion please! This garbage is full of great dope!
*Take me to the Murderhorn! It's an avalanche of fun! ... and ICE!!!
*Hurry up, I have to pee.
*Way to ignore the speed limit! (After a Fast trip)
*Woo-hoo! you should be in cannonball run. (After a Fast trip)
*And here's your tip stay in school.
*Your driving is adequate, but lacks passion. (After a Average trip)
*Even I know you're lost.
*(loud whisper) You're going the wrong way!
*Boring! See you later... LOSER!
*Boring! See you later, loser.
*I need to go to The Frying Dutchman. They've got all you can eat chum, chum!
====Jasper Beardly====
*I'm gonna be late, hurry up.
*Take me to the Kwik-E-Mart.
*Take me home.
*Can you drive faster?
*You're driving too slow.
*Hmph, Next time I'll take the bus. (After achieving a SLOW ranking)
*Saw that coming.
*Why did you do that.
*Drive me to the antiques store. Finally. Someplace I belong!
*Would you stop that?
*Whoa, I'm getting dizzy.
*Thanks for the lift.
*Home for the Mildly Interesting? Hmph, this better be good.
*Huh. That ride knocked a kidney stone loose! Thank you! (After a Fast trip)
*See you around.
*Hm, I'd say that's a new record. (After a Fast trip)
*Where am I? What am I doing in this car?
*Too slow, friend.
*Hmph, I see faster.
*Driving too slow. That's a paddlin'.
====Krusty the Clown====
*Can you take me to the Kwik-E-Mart?
*Can you take me to the Courthouse?
*Can you take me to the Casino?
*Can you take me to the Studio? I gotta voice over some lousy video game.
*Can you take me to the Clown College? I got some squirting diplomas to hand out.
*Hey, hey! Take me to the Airport! Don't ask any questions!
*Rancho relaxo please! I need a scmidt's!
*Take me to Quimby's Mansion! I've got pants there!
*Girlesque please! I need to see ta tas handsome na nas.
*Take me to La Maison Derrière! This coupon for free lap dance will expire in 10 minutes!
*To the Convention Center in Hurry! Their All Working Girls are gone!
*Krusty Burger please! Gotta watch our new Mad Cow Burger. (laughs)
*Lucky for you I left my seltzer bottle at home.
*Ahh! I can't feel my clown nose.
*(laughs nervously) Ix-nay on the the ornography-pay.
* Gimmie a ride. I just got clown-jacked.
* I need a ride. Mr. Teeny crashed my canyonero.
* Hey, hey! Shut up and drive kid!
* Plenty thanks to viagra!
* You're in six other peopled uhhh!
* Hey pretty good driver for goy him!
* Hey thanks for helping out a clown in need.
*You drive worse than Mr. Teeny. (After a Slow trip)
*Moe's Tavern please, I hear he's taking bets on the special olympics!
*You're the worst driver I've ever seen, and I’ve driven with Mickey Rooney. (After a Slow trip)
*Hey, hey!
*(laughs) You're faster than Joey Heatherton.
*Men, that ride was over faster than Chevy Chase's talkshow. (After a Fast trip)
*Hey, hey! (laughs) Now shut up and drive!
*(groans) You don't know where you're going.
*Hey, You're going the wrong way you verkakte jerk.
====Lisa Simpson====
*Although I'm morally opposed to the use of fossil fuels, I really need a lift.
*Could you take me to the school?
*Please take me to the Girl School?
*Please take me to the Area 51-A If you can find it?
*I need to go home please! There's a documentary on tv about the electoral college!
*Can you take me to the nearest specitary restaurant please!
*Can you take me to Retirement Castle please!
*Can you drive me to Convention Center please!
*Can you please take me to the Observatory!
*Can you please take me to the Radio Station!
*Take me to the nearest mansion pronto!
*To the Library please! We're fast some knowledge and suching a weights!
*To the natural history museum please! So much to learn so little public funding!
*Hey those people have feelings.
*Ow!
*Hey!
*I hope you have airbags.
*You maniac!
*(to Bart) Bart, I'm morally opposed to the use fossil fuels. But I really need a lift.
*Thank you for the adequate ride. Not too fast, not too slow, just right!
*Now that's was a fission! (After a Fast trip)
*You have a gift for speed. (After a Fast trip)
*Normally, I would never ride in a vehicle, that is so hostile to the environment. But, I'm in a teensy bit of a jam right now!
*Finally, I thought we're never going to get here.
*See ya later, alligator!
*I'm sorry, but you're just too slow.
*Would you hurry up, I'm going to be tardy!
*I don't mean to be rude, but STEP ON IT!!!!
*You're going the wrong way!
*Do you even have a map?
*Watch where you're going.
*Ugh, would someone PLEASE stop?!
====Marge Simpson====
*Be careful.
*Smashy, smashy!
*Ow! My tushy! Whoo!!
*Why do you keep hitting everything?
*Move it or lose it buster!
*(to Bart) Bart drive difensivley!
*(to Bart) Bart Simpson after you drop me off, you go straight to school.
*Hi sweetie can you give a mom a lift?
*(to Lisa) Lisa Simpson as soon as you're done here, get back to school pronto.
*(to Homer) Hi Homer, Be Careful OK!
*(to Homer) Hi Homie, I brought you some pork chops for later.
*(to Barney) Barney, you are a life saver.
*(to Barney) Hello Barney, thank you for stopping.
*Mmm smells like chupmee!
*An Indian Cab Driver! Now i am see everything!
*Thanks so much, you're fast. (After a Fast trip)
*Retirement Castle please!
*City Hall please!
*Springfield Mission please! Homer loves the presoup!
*Can you take me home? There's dishes in the sink.
*Can you take me to the pre-school? Maggie is ready to come home.
*Can you take me to the grocery store? they are having a sale on nutmeg.
*Oh my goodness, that was so fast. (After a Fast trip)
*I'm so tired from all this rushing around. Take me to Rancho Relaxo.
*You're any good places to eat a meal!
*That was so fast!
*Move your keister Meister!
*You're a regular Jeff Gordon! (After a Fast trip)
*Thanks for the ride!
* Nice riding with you!
*Mmmm, If I'd known you'd be this slow, I would've walk.
*You need to drive faster to expect to make any money.
*You pick me any pie a little bit.
*Sorry but really I need a hurry.
*Marge has to go now.
*Well, I guess it didn't work out. See you later.
====Moe Szyslak====
*Oh, hi Midge! Uh, please don't tell Homer I hit on ya.
*Stop the car or I'll punch you in the neck!
*Hey! Over here!
*(to Homer) Hey, Homer.
*Can you take me to the Library? I've got some thick books for killing rats!
*Can you take me to Barney's place?
*Can you take me to the Bar?
*Take me to the Gilded Truffle, I feel like beating up swells.
*Just take me home please!
*Duff Brewery. Paint thinner should hold them until I get back with some fresh kegs.
*Just get me out of here, no questions, alright?? I'll pay handsomely.
* I need to check out the Black Box Bar.
* Low Expectations Dating Service. Wha-what you looking at?
*Oh, I'm getting a lot of brain swelling.
*Take me to the Legitimate Businessman's Social Club, please. I hear their last bartender got face-stabbed.
*I'm outta here.
*Adiós ya useless tool.
*Alright, enough is enough.
*Thanks for nothing pal, Next time I'll walk.
* Why do i always get the slow ones. Sheesh!
*Newsflash - you suck!
*Thanks for the lift, Mack.
*That was fast, you ever consider working as a wheelman?
*See you around, 'less I see you first.
====Nelson Muntz====
* Take me to the Kwik-E-Mart, I feel a little shoplifting.
* Can you take me to Black Box Bar?
* Can you take me to the Pawn Shop? I've just live some Grampa Simpson's watch!
* Haw Haw!
* Hey, I can drive better than this.
* You suck, man.
* You drive like a granny
* That was pretty good... for a lamewad.
* Stop!!
* Adiós dork!
* So long dude rag.
* Eh, I had better.
* Time for some mass destruction man!
* Take me to the Old man Burns' mansion man. He's got over a thousand windows to break!
* That ride was fine as fresh huckleberries.
* Smell you later!
* Courthouse, please. I gotta post bail for my mom!
* You're an Octowussy!!
* You suck! Ha-Ha!
====Otto Mann====
*Whoa dude, I'm glad you came along.
*Oh yeah!
*Dude, put the heavy metal to the petal!!
*Hurry up, I'm going to be late for something.
*Whoa, where did that come from?
*Whoa, spilled my pudding.
*Don't harsh my mellow man.
*Oh man that sucks.
*Whoa, see you around brother.
*Thanks for the lift dude.
*You're totally rock! (After a Fast trip)
*Whoa, man that was awesome. (After a Fast trip)
*That trip went all the way to eleven.
*Hmph, That trip was slower than a monster Ballad!
*KJAZZ radio! Hey a man can't live on heavy metal alone, can he?
*KBBL radio please! It's rocktober!
*Springfield Mission please! Three munchies here i come?
*Can you take me to the DMV?
*Palace of Fine Arts, please! I need to get me some HIGH culture!
====Ralph Wiggum====
*(to Lisa) Hi Lisa! When I eat paste, my lips get stuck.
*(to Lisa) Lisa Simpson! Well you we're marry me.
*Fireworks make my ears yowl.
*I want to go to the box-factory. Yay boxes!!
*(Barking sounds)
*Can I go home? the leprechaun tells me to burn things.
*Can you take me to the Bus Depot? The strangers give me candy!
*Can you take me to the Airport? I like the suitcase ride!
*Will you be my school bus?
*Wait for Ralph.
*I choo, choo, choose you.
*My teeth came out.
*I'm scared.
*My tummy doesn't like your driving.
*When the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life.
*Why are you driving so slow?
*Your car smells like cat food.
*My daddy's gonna put you in jail, bye.
*It's OK I'm not good at things either. Miss Hoover says I'll get used to it.
* Thanks for driving.
*Go banana.
*Can you drive faster?
*Thanks, you're the bestest driver ever. (After a Fast trip)
*I love you! (After a Fast trip)
*I like coconuts!
*I bent my Wookie!!
*Now we're lost! (cries)
*My daddy is going to put you in jail. Bye! (After a Slow trip)
====Reverend Lovejoy====
*Take me home, it's tiring being so righteous all the time.
*I command you to stop.
*Stop for the love of God!
*Men the claud the neither people!
*I'm soaring with the angels.
*Why don't you watch where you're going?
*Hey, watch where you're going.
*Now that was unnecessary I think.
*Praise be the glory of God. (After a Fast trip)
*(to Homer) Mmm, Homer you can atone for many sins to getting to my destination on time.
*No funny stop or god will's might thee!
*If it isn't the spawn of Satan?
*Cementary please, it's been a busy week.
*Rancho Relaxo please. What do you think the good Lord alone kept this face smiling?
*What in God's name are you doing?
*It's the pedal on the right, friend.
*Whoa!
*Take me to the Flanders House, I promised I'd bless his potato salad!
*Take me to the Funeral home please!
*Hello There! Take me to the Happy Widow's Insurance Company?
*Take me to the Hospital and Step On It!
*Cathedral of the downtown, please. You've always gotta keep one eye on the competition!
*Take me to the Power Plant please!
*Take me away from this den of iniquity to where i care not.
*Hallelujah!! (After a Fast trip)
*Lords and Patience BUT IT DO NOT!
*May the Good Lord forgive you, BECAUSE I WON'T!!!
*That was the worst driving I have ever seen! MAY YOU BURN IN HELL!!!
====Snake Jailbird====
*Alright a car.
*Just get me out of here, dude.
*Alright take me to the Tattoo Parlor dude!
*Flanders House please' I've got my eye on their big screen.
*Simpson House please' I've got some looting to dude.
*Take me to the mall, dude! It's one stop robbing!
*Alright would you take me to the Library! Into Read Up on Safe Cracking!
*Bummer dude I have to go to the DMV.
*Bad night! Everyone's got a deadbolt! Can you just take me home?
*Take me to the Pawn Shop dude! I shopping for some Brass Knuckles!
*Alright take me to the Tattoo Parlor dude.
*Dude take me to the Burn's Mansion he's loaded!
*Hurry up I'm going to be late.
*Dude, you're more reckless than me.
*Oh, like, no!
*Bummer dude.
*Way to go dude.
*Just get me out of here, dude.
*Dude, do you have to drive so slow?
*Bummer dude, That was like, so totally slow.
*You totally suck.
*Next time I'll just steal a car.
*Whoa, you're going to get us killed dude.
*Awesome dude, you're the best. (After a Fast trip)
*Awesome ride, you rule! (After a Fast trip)
*Stop, dude!
*Awesome, thanks a lot dude! 
* Thanks for the lift dude!
====Squeaky-Voiced Teen====
*Stop!!
===== Destination Started =====
*Please take me home!
*Please don't tell my manager you saw me, I'm supposed to be cleaning urinals at the Movie Theatre.
*Can you take me to the Movie Theatre? I hear they are hiring losers.
* Can you take me to the Police Academy? I manage my poison confidence will make a good officer.
* Can you take me to the Krusty Burger? If I'm late they'll deep-fry my hand.
* I need to go to The Copy Jalopy, They got sweep up some toner spills.
* I need to get to the Arcade, It's time to race up the joysticks!
* I need to get to the Power Plant!
*Jittery Joe’s as fast as you can!
===== Destination Completed =====
===== Other =====
*What?? I'm outta here. Please don't tell my manager.
*What?? I'd give you a piece of my mind but I'm afraid to.
* What?? I think I could have walked here faster. Bye!
* What?? You're the best driver I've ever seen. (After a Fast trip)
*This is the greatest moment of my sad life. (After a Fast trip)
*What an average trip. (After a Average trip)
* Thanks for the ride!
====Groundskeeper Willie====
===== Destination Started =====
* Can you take me to my shack? I need some Willie time.
*Take me to the church, Willie's got a lot of repenting to do.
*Take me to the Dating Service, Willie's Lonely!
*Will you take me to the music store? I got to pick up me bagpipes.
===== Destination Completed =====
* That was the best trip I ever had. (After a Fast trip)
* Willie thanks for the lift.
*Bonnie job!
*I still ain't tippin' ya, I'm Scottish! (After a Fast trip)
===== Other =====
*Auch, someone pick Willie up for crying out loud
*Willie needs a lift.
*Aye, I've got to go to Skinners? He's make me hose off his mother!
*Aye, my mule wouldn't walk, so I have to put a bullet in her!
*Aye, you turned that guy into haggis.
*Aye, I think I punctured me bagpipes.
*Aah! Since we started, Bring it to us come back twice!
*Step on it! You're slower than a drunken Welshman!
*You'll get eaten alive out in the streets of Glasgow.
====Seymour Skinner====
===== Passenger Get In =====
*(to Bart) Don't worry Bart, were both playing hooky today.
*(to Groundskeeper Willie) Willie, I'll ignore your delinquency from work in exchange for a ride!
*(to Otto Mann) Otto? Can I be honest? You sicken me!!!
*(to Otto Mann) Otto where are all the school children? Uh, nevermind!
*(to Otto Mann) Otto, where are the children? No, wait... I don't think I WANT to know...
===== Destination Started =====
*Time for another exciting trip to box-factory.
*Observatory now!
*Take me to the Girl School please! Always you keep an eye on the competition!
*Take me to the Music Store! I need a Jew's Harp!
*To the School please! Where else?
*Pet Shop, please!
*Home, please! Mother needs some sponge bath.
*Library, please! I've got some dudley on year is!
*Take me to the dam! I'm thinking of jumping off!
===== Destination Completed =====
* I can't approve of your recklessness, but we sure got there fast. (After a Fast trip)
* What Clever driving, bravo. (After a Fast trip)
===== Other =====
*You need lessons in sex education.
*To the natural history museum please!
*Please take me to the spring zoning! (laughs) Spring Zoning! Clever
*Copy Jalopy please! I need eliminated lot a reckless hare.
*Er, excuse me, I think you're going the wrong way.
*This isn't the right way. Are you kidnapping me?
*That was simply awful, simply awful!
*Reckless and slow. Next time, I'll take the bus.
*Whoa, that certainly was a big one.
*I can't approve of your recklessness, but we got here fast.
*Hmph, Now I'm tardy.
*You need to listen to punctuality.
====Milhouse Van Houten====
===== Destination Started =====
* Take me home! I have to regroup from a wedgie!
*Uh, can you take me the girl school? (laughs creepingly)
*Uh, I need to go to the comic book store. Radio active man signing autographs.
*Uh, can you take me to the Krusty Burger? The other kids took my lunch.
*To the Arcade please! Time to spend my mom delamony! (laughs)
*Can you take me to the fudge factory? Please! Please! Huh? Please! Please!
===== Destination Completed =====
*Thanks for the lift.
*Uh, thanks! You rock the house! (After a Road Rage trip)
*Thanks A-Lot. That was really quick.
*All right! That was great! (After a Fast trip)
*Now I'm late, Thanks for nothing.
*You're too slow. Sorry. (After a Slow trip)
*I SWALLOWED MY RETAINER.....!
*Uh, you're too slow. I'm outta here. (After a Slow trip)
===== Other =====
*Uh, I have to go to the bathroom REAL BAD!! There's a one of antiques store down the road! Oh!
*Everyone's coming up Milhouse!
*All right! What's the big idea? You're going the wrong way!
====Mayor Quimby====
===== Destination Started =====
*Vote Quimby.
*Hello there. Please take me to the Courthouse! I'll have to pay on my nephew!
*City Hall please! In return, I will give you the key to the city.
*Hello there. Can you take me to the nearest eating establishment?
*Hello there. Would you please drive me to the Girlesque for a... er... fact-finding mission?
*Hello there, please take me to the power plant office so I can collect this month's bribe.
*Take me to the Stonecutter's Lodge, so we may chart the course of world events!
*Take me to the Airport. Hopefully no one will notice the missing money until I'm long gone!
===== Destination Completed =====
*I couldn't have been happier with how that went. (After a Fast trip)
*That was a superb trip, drop by my office and I'll give you the key to the city. (After a Fast trip)
*Thank you, fair citizen. (After a Safe trip)
*You are the worst driver in this city, Vote Quimby. (After a Slow trip)
*That was so slow I'm going to have my bodyguard beat you severely! (After a Slow trip)
===== Other =====
*Faster, you moron.
*You idiot, You're going the wrong way
*What's the big idea?
*You're a disgrace, Vote Quimby.
==Non-Passengers/Drivers==
====Charles Montgomery Burns====
===== Intro =====
*I'll be watching you.
* Steal any of my passengers and you'll pay for it my friend! You'll pay dearly!
* Pah, climb aboard Burns Transit my low-functioning friend, and leave to driving to us.
* Another defiant motorist? You'll soon learn your lesson friend.
* Ah, another day. Another set of irradiated passengers. Excellent.
* You simpering fool! You get that rattle-trap off the road!
* That is the sorriest excuse for a vehicle I've ever seen. I've seen tree sloths move faster than that piece of rubbish!
* What's the meaning of this?? Send that wretched contraption to the landfill and ride my bus.
===== Other =====
* What's the meaning of this?? Send that wretched contraption to the landfill and ride my bus.
* How dare you clutter up the roadways with that piece of rubbish!
* Get him, Smithers.
* What in Blazes?
* You have any idea who's driving his vehicle?
* You haven't seen the last of me.
* I won't forget this.
* You're only prolonging the inevitable, my friend.
* I haven't felt this much pep since the night I cold-cocked Calvin Coolidge.
* How dare you! Get that wretched automobile OFF THE ROAD!!
* Blast! We'll meet again, my friend. Oh-ho, we'll meet again.
* Blast your eye to Hades!
* Get that rid of the rattle-trap out of my sight!
* Steal my passengers, will you? We'll see about that!
* Confound your impudence!
* You win this round, but we'll be back.
* How dare you defy me.
* You'll regret this!
* Excellent.
* Ha-ha! Who's wearing the cat's pajamas now?
* Just what do you think you're doing?
* Watch where you're going, you brain-dead moron!
* What's the meaning of this??
* Get that rustbucket off the road, you Idiot!
* My buses aren't good enough for you, eh? Well I'll say "Hard cheese!".
* I've seen circus chimps who drive better than you do!
* I dare say you have done enough damage for one day....
* Come on. Come on! WHILE WE'RE YOUNG!
* Soap box racers. Electric cars. This is a transit town, not the 1967 World's Fair.
* You'll rue the day, you crossed C. Montgomery Burns!
===== After an Results =====
* Let the fools have their automobiles, I'd say.
* Another driver on the road?... Blast your eye to Hades, you meddling fool.
* A shiny new donkey for the man who brings me the head of Homer Simpson....
* Well, thank you very much, Mr. I'm-too-good-to-ride-the-bus. I hope you asphyxiate on your exhaust fumes and die a horrible death.
* I've had it with you people complaining about my "scary glowing buses"! I haven't seen a display of civil disobedience this contemptible since the Summer of Love. You want the Transit system back? Then take it! But don't think for a moment, that you've seen the last of Monty Burns! (laughs evily)
===Gil Gunderson===
*Oh this looks bad for ol' Gil!
*Oh I think I broke something there!
*Oh, Gil's really done for!
*Ol, Gil is going to need another operation.
*Oh this looks bad for old Gil.
*Oh, Gil's gonna sue... I'm going to be on easy street.
===The Seven Duffs/Capital City Goofball===
*Look Out!
*I Regret Nothing!
*Watch Out!
*Hey!
*Oof!
==Accidental Quotes==
===Homer===
:Snake: Simpson house please. I got some looting to do.
:Homer: Ooh! Can I come?
: Snake: Flanders house please. I got my eyes on their big screen.
----
:Marge: I need to go and see Patty and Selma.
:Homer: Ooh! Can I come?
----
: Homer: Hi Marge.
----
:
:Marge: Can you take me home! There's dishes in the sink.
:Homer: Okay, I didn't ask for your life story.
----
: Abraham: I forgot my pills! Get me to the hospital before I die!
:
===Bart===
: Bart: Hey Otto Mann!
: Otto Mann: Hey Bart dude!
:
===Ned Flanders===
: Snake: Flanders house please. I got my eyes on their big screen.
: Ned: That's okay by me.
===Abraham Simpson===
: Nelson: Take me the pawn shop, I just lifted Grampa Simpson's watch.
: Abraham: I'm afraid of the future!
===Krusty===
:Krusty: Ugh, what do I have to do to make you people happy?
Category:Quotes
Category:The Simpsons Road Rage