The Wanking Policeman

PC Masterton Bates is a policeman that wanks. He carries a notepad, in which he jots down insulting remarks regarding criminal offenders. He holds a great deal of knowledge about train maintenance and etiquette.
==Early Life==
The Wanking Policeman was born on January 3rd 1971. In 1987, his parents went out for two hours to do the weekly shop when he found his Dad's collection of Mayfair magazines. Upon first looking at those pages, he knew immediately what his life's ambition was. To wank until he died. And that's exactly what he did. Every waking moment since that fateful day in 1987, the Wanking Policeman does nothing but wank, even when on duty. Presumably, he also did this during his job interview for being a policeman, so God only knows how he got the job. A lot of money must have changed hands. I just hope that he washed them.
==Transfer to Skarloey Railway==
Officer Bates was transferred to the Skarloey Railway after police officers got tired of his constant wanking and insulting remarks.
==Future==
After a brief look into his future thanks to a mysterious time-portal, he discoved that he will earn the world records for the world's longest wank ever, most c** ejaculated in a life-time and first person to die while wanking. After discovering this, he made it his ambition to ensure these came (no pun intended) true.