Rachel's Birthday/Transcript

(The episode begins with Shaduck and Rachel at the peak of a hill, admiring the night sky as stars glow around them)
Rachel: This is just...beautiful. Tell me, Shaduck, could anything look better than this?
Shaduck: Yeah!
Rachel: Really? And what is that exactly?
Shaduck: You, of course!
(Rachel giggles.)
Rachel: Aw, you’re so sweet, Shaduck. You know I love you to bits. (Shaduck smiles.) Anywho, I’m getting really excited to spend tomorrow with my boyfriend!
Shaduck: What’s happening tomorrow?
(Rachel looks worried for a second but then normal again.)
Rachel: (Thinking.) He’ll remember it soon. (Kisses Shaduck on the cheek and then walks away.)
Shaduck: Oh, bye then.
(Rachel now walks out of earshot.)
Shaduck: If Rachel is excited for tomorrow then I should be too! But...what is it that she’s celebrating? (Pulls out his phone as he goes onto the calendar app, he goes to the date, January 4th.) Hmm, this seems like an ordinary day to me! Wait a minute… (Shaduck scrolls down to Events where he sees “Ma sweetie’s birthday!! ♥”). Oh my god! I forgot…tomorrow is Rachel’s birthday!
(Cue theme song. Shaduck is now stressing, pacing around the hill.)
Shaduck: But it’s so late! It’s 6pm. How do I get a good gift now, of all times? Most of the fancy-shops-that-would-have-expensive-items-that-are-out-of-my-budget-but-I’d-buy-them-anyway are closed! And I can’t get some random item, it needs to be something amazing...something that she would love...Or at least something she wants. I need to be subtle about this…
(Shaduck turns invisible and follows Rachel.)
Rachel: (Sighs.) I do hope Shaduck remembers my birthday, I mean, I know it’s no big deal...it’s not like anyone else will come anyway but now that I have my love I want him there with me...you know? Ugh, I should stop talking to myself and just tell him...but I can’t at the same time. He’s my love, and he’s gotta prove to me that he wants to stay that way!
Shaduck: (Thinking.) I see…that she has no signs of a present. I’m gonna have to dig deeper in order to find out what she wants.
(Shaduck, still invisible, follows the sad Rachel to her house.)
Rachel: He should remember...no Rachel, be confident. He will remember! 
(She goes inside her house, but not knowing Shaduck is right behind her, she slams the door and it hits him in the face.)
Shaduck: Oof!
Rachel: Huh? Eh, never mind. Anyway, maybe he gave me the odd face when I told him, but he’ll get there...eventually! I think I should get the party decorations out because one thing’s for sure, Shaduck is definitely coming!
Shaduck: (Thinking.) It’s sweet that she’s thinking about me, and it’s true I will be there, but just appearing isn’t enough. I want to impress her and show her how much I love her. Anybody could show up and give her a lame present, but that’s not love! I am going to give her the best present, and all I need to do is find what exactly she wants! Alright…
Shaduck and Rachel: (split screen) Lets go.
(Rachel walks away to her garage and Shaduck teleports to her bedroom.)
Shaduck: (becomes visible) Clues, clues, clues… where are you, clues? (Shaduck snoops around Rachel’s room, looking through her magazines, her messy bed and in her drawers but he can’t find anything) She’s not done anything! No circle in marker around something she wants, wait… want… Wantlist! Maybe she has a Nilazon account but I’d have to take her phone….
(Scene cuts to Rachel, walking to the garage.)
Harold: Hey, Rachel! Getting ready for your fancy party tomorrow?
Rachel: Oh, hey dad! It’s not a fancy party, just a fun one! Where nobody will probably come… again.
Harold: What about that boyfriend of yours? Jackie told me you had one that worked as a DJ at that Skating Rink.
Rachel: Yeah, I do, but I’m afraid he might forget… 
Harold: If he will forget your birthday, maybe he shouldn’t be your boyfriend!
Rachel: No, you’ll see, he will remember and he should be my boyfriend!
Harold: Whatever you say, darling.
(Rachel opens the garage door as Shaduck comes up behind her, now invisible again.)
Shaduck: (Thinking.) It’s not bad that I have to steal my girlfriend’s phone in order to look at her social media and wantlist in order to buy something for her...Actually, that sounds messed up when I say…think it aloud, but I’m doing it for her!
(Rachel walks into the garage and Shaduck walks up behind her. He tries to reach for her pocket but Rachel moves as he attempts to. Shaduck tries again every time she moves, but still fails.)
Shaduck: (Thinking.) She won’t stay still! (Notices a mattress in front of Rachel and an empty box.) I’m sorry I had to do this Rachel… (He puts the box in front of Rachel. She trips over it and falls onto the mattress. While Rachel has her guard down, Shaduck seizes his chance to steal her phone and run away with it.)
Harold: Aww, honey, are you alright?
Rachel: (Getting up and dusting herself off.) Yeah, just didn’t see that box there. Good thing that mattress was conveniently there!
Harold: Yes, convenient indeed…
(Shaduck runs back into Rachel’s room and looks on her phone.)
Shaduck: Dang it, her phone’s locked. I’ll need her passcode, but what could it be? Wait a minute! (Searches through Rachel’s drawers again until he finds a piece of paper with all her passwords on it.) I remember seeing this when I looked for clues. Now for the phone passcode...9146? Alright. (He types it into the phone but it denies the code.) What? Maybe I typed it wrong… (He types it again, it still denies.) Uh, maybe it’s hard to read… (Types in “9746” into the phone, but it declines and locks him out for a minute) Dang it!
(Rachel walks into the room as Shaduck turns invisible, leaving the phone on her desk.)
Rachel: Huh, I thought I brought my phone with me. (Rachel puts her phone back into her pocket and walks back out of the room.)
Shaduck: I’m gonna need another way in! (Goes downstairs and sees a laptop on a table.) Perfect! (Grabs the laptop and teleports back to Rachel’s room. Shaduck turns the laptop on only to realize it wasn’t her laptop.)
Shaduck: Oh no, this must be Mr. Wilson’s!
Harold: Hey, where’s my work laptop?!
Shaduck: Oh no!
(Shaduck teleports back downstairs. When Harold isn’t looking, he sneaks behind him and puts the laptop back where it was before.)
Harold: Oh, there it is. Maybe I need glasses…
Rachel: There, changed my passcode. Now I don’t have to keep using my face ID to unlock it all the time. 
Harold: What was wrong with your old passcode?
Rachel: I forgot it…
Harold: You should have written it down somewhere!
Rachel: I did, I promise. I just wrote it wrong.
(Harold sighs and sits at the table and begins working on his laptop as Rachel goes upstairs. Rachel puts her phone in her pocket and Shaduck swipes it and goes into the kitchen. He types in “9146” and this time it unlocks and lets him in.) Yes!
Harold: Hmm?
(Harold looks around but sees nobody there. He shrugs it off and goes back to typing as Shaduck goes onto the “Nilazon” app, and goes onto her wishlist where a lamp is shown.)
Shaduck: Come on, a lamp!? She needs more than that!
Harold: What!? (Walks into the kitchen.) Show yourself, creep! I know you’re in here, you ain’t making yourself discreet. Huh, I just rhymed!
(Shaduck runs away, invisible, and goes into their bathroom.)
Shaduck: I’m not getting her a lamp! She needs something extraordinary! Maybe she posted something on her social media accounts.
(Shaduck swipes through Gramsta-int and Chaksnap but no wanted presents are seen. A smash is heard from downstairs. Rachel, worriedly runs downstairs. Shaduck follows.)
Rachel: Dad, what’s going on!?
Harold: There’s a person in our house. I can hear their whispers all around us!
Rachel: What did they sound like?
Harold: They sounded like “Yes!” and “A lamp?”
Rachel: What? Oh, you’re probably hearing me upstairs. I found this cute lamp on Nilazon and just put it on my watchlist.
Harold: Oh, really?
Rachel: Yeah, here! (Rachel searches her pockets but her phone isn’t there.) Uh, I could’ve sworn I put my phone in my pocket! 
(Shaduck pops her phone back into Rachel’s pocket.)
Rachel: Oh, there it is!
(Rachel shows her father the lamp she wanted.)
Harold: Ah, I see now.
Rachel: Anyway, I better get started on the decorations for tomorrow but I think I’m gonna call someone first..
(Rachel goes onto her phone and finds Shaduck’s contact, she presses “call” and his phone starts ringing from behind them.)
Rachel: Huh?
(Shaduck makes himself visible.)
Shaduck: Oh, uh, hi Rachel, you wanted to talk? I teleported here right now!
Rachel: But, how did you know I wanted to talk with you?
Shaduck: I was just coming here anyway and overheard you talking with your dad!
Rachel: Then, why was your phone there before and...wait a minute...my phone...
Harold: My laptop and the whispers, they weren’t any strangers, they were you!
Shaduck: Wait, Rachel. You don’t understand, I was trying to-
Rachel: Stalk me!? (Tearing up.) I shouldn’t have ever met you.
Shaduck: Rachel, it’s not that! I would never-
(Harold wraps his arm around Rachel before giving an angry glare to Shaduck.)
Harold: Get out of my house!
Shaduck: But-
Harold: NOW!
(Shaduck teleports out of the house and watches Harold leads Rachel upstairs to her room through the window. He is off-screen for a few seconds but suddenly pops up and closes the curtains, leaving Shaduck to see no more.)
Shaduck: What have I done? I’ve upset Rachel and now she thinks I’m a creep! (Slams his fist into his palm.) I have to make up for it! Maybe she doesn’t know what she really wants and I’ll have to get her something that amazes her from what I know about her. And fast… (He checks his phone, it's a quarter to 7pm.) Really fast.
(Shaduck teleports to his room and goes onto his laptop, when Candle Man walks into his room.)
Candle Man: Hey, Duck. How’d your day go with Rachel?
Shaduck: Uh, pretty bad.
Candle Man: What? Why? Did you spill fish soup on her...again?
Shaduck: No, I forgot it’s her birthday tomorrow!
(Candle Man winces.)
Shaduck: So I snooped around her house for clues on what she wanted for a gift, and she caught me red-handed!
(Candle Man winces harder.)
Shaduck: And now I’m worried that she might hate me forever!
(Candle Man winces so hard he falls backwards but immediately gets back up again.)
Candle Man: So how is going on your laptop going to help?
Shaduck: I’m gonna search for the best gift that Rachel will love so much that she’ll love me again.
Candle Man: So...you’re bribing her?
Shaduck: No, I’m just dishonestly persuading Rachel to act in my favour by giving her an amazing gift.
Candle Man: Yeah, that’s bribery.
Shaduck: Well, whatever. I wanted to give her said gift anyway for her birthday, but now it’s also for an apology.
Candle Man: Ooh, it sounds much less morally-wrong when you say it like that.
Shaduck: Anyway… (Shaduck types into the search bar “Amazing gifts that your girlfriend will love and therefore love you back”.)
Candle Man: I take back what I said.
(Shaduck presses search and scrolls down to some website, he checks each one.)
Shaduck: Perfumia?
Candle Man: Fumes have opinions?
Shaduck: No, dude. It’s a perfume website.
Candle Man: Ohh, check what the perfumes are!
Shaduck: What do you think I’m doing?
(Shaduck scrolls down to the perfume section.)
Shaduck: Let’s see what kind they have… (Reading.) Unforgivable Men, Intimately Bribery, Rashell’s Knicker Drawer… What kinda names are these?!
Candle Man: Some kind of names....
Shaduck: What would these even smell like? Yeah, pass.
(Shaduck goes onto another website.)
Shaduck: Betdress.
Candle Man: Dresses can bet?
Shaduck: No, dude, it’s a wedding website.
Candle Man: Ooh. Wait, you guys aren’t getting married!
Shaduck: Not yet!
Candle Man: Are you saying your gift to her will be a proposal?
Shaduck: What? No! I’m just trying to find a nice dress for her!
Candle Man: Check the dr-
(Shaduck covers Candle Man’s mouth)
Shaduck: We don’t want this to get too repetitive.
Candle Man: True…
(Shaduck scrolls down to the dress section)
Shaduck: Hmm, these are...pretty good! Amazing, if you must! How much are they? WOAH...woah...way more zeros than I expected...Nobody has that kind of money! What do they think they are, a video game store selling Mr. Nario Brothers Games?
Candle Man: So then, what are you doing to do?
Shaduck: I’ll keep looking, there’s bound to be something!
Candle Man: But how can you get something for an amazing girl with a not-so big budget?
Shaduck: With this website!
Candle Man: What’s that?
Shaduck: I don’t know, but look! A button that says “find the best gifts for your relative or love”. I should definitely click it, right?
Candle Man: Well, I don’t know. It has no title. Seems kinda sketchy if you ask m-
(Shaduck has already clicked the button and disappears off screen.)
Candle Man: What?! Shaduck? Where did you go?
(The scene cuts to Shaduck who has fallen into Hell.)
Shaduck: (rubs his head) Ow, what is this place? It’s very red...wait, did I die!?
(He looks around. People are burning in lava, people are being whipped, and people are mining and tied to chains. He notices UCP mining nearby.)
UCP: What are you looking at, blackbir-HEY! IT’S YOU!
(UCP breaks out of his chains and chases Shaduck. Shaduck then hides behind a rock and UCP continues running past him, thinking Shaduck is still running.)
Shaduck: Phew!
Hell Heavy #1: Look, a new one!
(2 Hell Heavies walk over to Shaduck.)
Hell Heavy #2: What is that thing?
Hell Heavy #1: Looks like some sort of bird!
Shaduck: Hey, strong people! I’m not supposed to be here!
Hell Heavy #1: What, (Mockingly.) you didn’t do anything wrong?
Shaduck: Yes, all I did was-
Hell Heavy #1: Bah, save it. (Waves his hand at Shaduck telling him to stop.) We all did something wrong so those crybabies get us sent here and you’re stuck ‘ere now forever.
Shaduck: But-
Hell Heavy #2: We’re taking you to our boss.
Shaduck: No!
(Shaduck tries to teleport but he can’t.)
Shaduck: What the…
(Shaduck attempts to ready his beam, but it doesn’t work.)
Shaduck: What’s wrong with my powers?!
Hell Heavy #1: Anything you used to have before is gone, but misfortunes are stuck with you.
Shaduck: Misfortunes? Like those embarrassing memories that keep you from sleeping at night?
Hell Heavy #2: Well, those will stick with you forever, no matter what, but I’m talking about curses and bad luck! 
Shaduck: Oh…
(The two Hell Heavies grab ahold of Shaduck and bring them to their boss.)
Shaduck: Why are you taking me?
Hell Heavy #1: Our boss is in need of power, you’re some sort of abnormal being, right?
Shaduck: Uh, yeah but-
Hell Heavy #2: Then you’d be great for our boss!
Shaduck: Didn’t you just say we lose our powers here?
Hell Heavy #1: Yeah but the powers you lost are stored where you can’t access it but our oh, great boss can!
Shaduck: That’s not fair!
Hell Heavy #2: Well, that’s Hell.
Shaduck: So, I really am in Hell?
Hell Heavy #1: Well, yeah. Where else did you think you were?
Shaduck: Well, I did. It’s ju-
Hell Heavy #2: Enough talking, we’re here.
(They walk into a large building, towering over them. The Hell Heavies walk in and they see Satan’s wife.)
Satan’s Wife: Oh, you’re back. Took you long enough.
Hell Heavy #2: Whatever, just take us to the boss.
Satan’s Wife: (Sighs and types something onto her computer.) Alright, he can see you now, go ahead, you flips.
Hell Heavy #1: (Mockingly.) Oh, of course, m’lady.
(The two Hell Heavies chuckle, Satan’s wife whips her tail at one of their butts.)
Hell Heavy #1: Ow!
Hell Heavy #2: Oh, you wanna go, missy?
Satan’s Wife: You arrogant heavies never learn. You can’t touch a lady. Besides, you best be going now, (Demonic.) You don’t want the boss to be upset now, do you?
(The elevator dings. Satan’s Wife wraps her tail around the heavies and throws them into the elevator.)
Shaduck: She’s creepy.
Hell Heavy #1: She’s the boss' wife.
Shaduck: He must real hardcore then.
Hell Heavy #2: Oh, he is. He’s Satan himself.
Shaduck: WHAT?!
(The heavies shush Shaduck as the elevator door opens, Satan is seen in the shadows.)
Satan: So, you’re back.
Hell Heavy #2: Yes, master, and we have fulfilled your request: we got a newbie.
Satan: I see. (Walks out of the shadows.) And does this sinner have powers for me to obtain?
Hell Heavy #1: Indeed he does.
Satan: And you’re sure that he has powers and is not living a fantasy like, (Clears his throat.) last time.
Hell Heavy #2: No, sir. Look at this guy! I mean, he looks freaky!
Hell Heavy #1: Surely he has some sort of powers!
Satan: Let me get a better look at this creature.
(The Hell Heavy throws Shaduck onto the floor.)
Shaduck: Owch. (Looks at Satan.) Uh, hello, your lordship…ness…
Satan: Hell- wait a minute, are you who I think you are?
Shaduck: A person who really doesn’t want to be in your office right now?
Satan: Well, I have a lot of those. (Points to many demons taped to a wall, with words written in bloody ink reading “People who don’t want to be in my office.) But you are one of those people who fought that… accident of mine.
Shaduck: Accident? What do you mean?
Satan: My frying pan grease!
Shaduck: What are you talking about!?
Satan: The...the UCP? Is that what it calls itself?
(Shaduck gasps.)
Shaduck: You mean, you created UCP.
Satan: Yes, I am your father. 
Shaduck: UCP’s father…
Satan: Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I’ve been watching a lot of Galactic Battleground recently, and it’s just a marvelous franchise!
Shaduck: Riiight. So are you gonna kill me now?
Satan: Uh, no, not quite.
Shaduck: So you’re just gonna drain my soul or something?
Satan: You’ve suffered enough with that monster going around your town, I bet he’s caused you so much stress!
Shaduck: For like a day but overall it was pretty fun.
Satan: Oh, that’s good th- Wait, a day!?
Shaduck: Yeah! That’s, like, all it took for us to defeat him but it sure felt like an entire month.
Satan: Wow! I didn’t expect one of my creations to die off that quickly, well, I suppose it was an accident.
Shaduck: So, you are going to slaughter me?
Satan: Nah, I’ll spare you. There are plenty more fish in the ocean, (looks at the Heavies, demonic) Right, guys?
(The heavies worriedly and frantically nod their head at Satan’s claim.)
Satan: Heheh, though I must say: How did you end up here in Hell?
Shaduck: Well, you see, I didn’t die.
Satan: What?
Shaduck: Yeah, I kinda clicked a link on a website and it sent me here.
Satan: A mortal creature being able to access Hell through modern technology... (Gasps.) I know who made that link.
(Satan transports him and Shaduck to a TV studio.)
Satan: I must leave fairly quickly now, I cannot be seen amongst all the normies, even the powerful ones. Good luck, ya duck. You’re going to need it.
Shaduck: But wait, what do I-
(Satan has already poofed away.)
Shaduck: Say… (Gulps.)
Televossi: Ah, you. (Puts his hand on Shaduck’s shoulder as Shaduck screams.)
Shaduck: Oh, oh… Who are you?
Televossi: Why I am the one who hired somebody to set up that link for the real world!
Shaduck: Oh, ok. So why exactly did you do that?
Televossi: Well, here at our studio we have the minimum amount of workers and we needed to find some!
Shaduck: So you got someone to make a web page that will lure vulnerable people to your studio?
Televossi: Vulnerable people are just what we need, baby.
Shaduck: ...Yeah this is sketchy, I’m leaving. 
(Televossi uses telekinesis to hold Shaduck in place.)
Televossi: You’re not going anywhere.
Shaduck: Fine, let me go, I’ll do your stupid work.
(Televossi drops Shaduck onto the floor.)
Shaduck: How many times is that going to happen to me today…
(Shaduck walks over to Televossi, and brushes his own arm off.)
Shaduck: So what am I working as?
Televossi: Why, an actor!
(Shaduck’s eyes widen.)
Shaduck: An actor? 
Televossi: That’s what I said, baby.
Shaduck: But...I’m terrible at acting!
Televossi: We’ll see, if yes, I have a backup, baby!
Shaduck: If you have a backup then why do you need me.
Televossi: Oh, not in that sort of way, baby.
Shaduck: Ok, let’s just get on with it.
(Scene goes black and then cuts to Shaduck in a building.)
Shaduck: Oh Remmie, Remmie, wherefore art thou Remmie?
(Shaduck swoops down.)
Shaduck: I’m here, my sweet!
Televossi: (Now in a directors seat, holding a megaphone.) No, no, no. With passion and love and getting the lines right, baby!
Shaduck: I never got a script!
Televossi: You’ve never learnt about this before?
Shaduck: Only jokes.
(Televossi sighs.)
Televossi: Let’s try something different.
(Scene goes black again. Now Shaduck is in a different set, wearing fake buck teeth and glasses.)
Shaduck: I’m just a lonely girl!
(Shaduck runs out of the position and out of the clothes.)
Shaduck: Haha, ugly duckling! Haha- Wait, you’re making me play this because I’m a duck!?
Televossi: Well, yes. I thought this role would be easier for you since you’re-
Shaduck: UGLY?
Televossi: ...a duck…
Shaduck: Oh, well I refuse to play this part. 
Televossi: Fine then, you fussy worker.
(Scene goes black once more. Shaduck is now dressed as a red car and purposely falls.)
Shaduck: Oh no, I ripped my tire! Now I can’t compete in the ra-
Televossi: Stop, stop, stop! 
Shaduck: I thought I did pretty well!
Televossi: The lines were correct but...that’s just embarrassing to see, baby.
Shaduck: Oh, the acts were supposed to be good?
(Televossi stares at Shaduck.)
Shaduck: Well, I can’t do that anyway.
Televossi: Oh, you can. You just need a push in the right direction, or all directions!
Shaduck: Huh?
Televossi: Remember, I have a backup plan, baby!
(Televossi snaps his fingers, now Shaduck is floating in the air without command.)
Shaduck: What’s happening, am I getting my powers back?
Televossi: No, I’m just controlling you!
Shaduck: WHAT!?
(Televossi starts making Shaduck dance as he sings “I got no rings”.)
Shaduck: I have no rings, to give my wife. Though I have not one, nor do I have a life. I’m just a toy, a little boy. Giving my heart to a rainbow fart. Why do I care? It’s not like she can even bare... me!  
Televossi: Brilliant, yes, excellent, ohoho! (Wipes away a tear.)
Shaduck: (Falls down, now in control of his body again.) You psycho! How did you know all that?
Televossi: Oh, I know everything about you, Shaduck.
Shaduck: You’re a stalker?
Televossi: Ahaha, no. Just a little studio comedy for you, right folks?
(Televossi plays a laugh track.)
Televossi: No, no, no. I can just read your thoughts. Why, every demon can!
(Televossi plays a track of agreement.)
Shaduck: This is just sad…
Televossi: It’s not sad, it’s fun!
Shaduck: You’re just a little kid!
(Televossi shrinks.)
Televossi: I’m not a little kid!
Shaduck: Wait, what? Why did you get smaller?
(Televossi shrinks more.)
Televossi: I’m not getting smaller...you’re getting bigger!
Shaduck: Midget.
(Televossi is now the size of a baby.)
Televossi: Alright, you win. I’m an actual baby.
Shaduck: Wow, plot twist. Kinda. (Shaduck walks away.)
Televossi: Hey, get back here. I’m still under control of you, baby!
(Televossi holds Shaduck in place, Shaduck notices a piece of paper on Televossi’s desk.)
Shaduck: Hmm, what’s this?
Televossi: Oh, just a doodle of me as a baby.
(Shaduck blows the paper and it falls on the floor.)
Shaduck: That isn’t a doodle, it’s a contract!
Televossi: No, it’s not!
Shaduck: (Reading.) By the Heart of Hell, if any being mortal or not clicks the button of transmission they are now under control of whoever owns the cause! I’m under control because I clicked the button...
Televossi: Exactly, now you are forever under my control, baby! 
Shaduck: Alright, wanna try the Cars audition again?
Televossi: Oh badness, no. You were awful at that. 
Shaduck: Please!
Televossi: Why should I?
Shaduck: Because in the end, I’ve practically given my soul to you. Could you not do my own tiny favour in exchange?
Televossi: (Sighs.) Fine. You’re lucky, I’m not like the other demons.
Shaduck: But, this time could I have a script?
Televossi: Right, (Televossi looks into his drawer and moves some paper around until he finds the script for “Vehicles”. He hands it to Shaduck.)
Shaduck: I can’t move.
Televossi: Ah, yes.
(Televossi releases him of his immobility.)
Shaduck: Whew!
(Shaduck grabs the script and Televossi walks to his chair. Quickly, whilst Televossi is not looking, Shaduck swaps the contract for the script and walks to the stage. The scene goes black.)
Shaduck: Alright, let’s take a look at this script. (Chuckles and places the contract on the floor.) Oh no, I have slipped! (Shaduck purposely falls over and skids on the contract, his knee rapidly sliding across the contract, ripping it.)
Televossi: Oh, you idiot. You ripped the script!
Shaduck: Not the script, dummy!
(Shaduck holds up the two pieces of ripped paper.)
Televossi: You...YOU BROKE THE CONTRACT!? 
Shaduck: Yeah, and what are you going to do about it?
(Televossi grows larger, even bigger than his normal form turning into an absolute demon.)
Televossi: DESTROY YOU.
Shaduck: Uh oh.
(Shaduck runs away screaming as the mad Televossi chases him. A hell heavy opens the door and pops his head through.)
Hell Heavy #1: Oh yeah, dude. The boss told us to give you this.
(The hell heavy throws a black orb at Shaduck and he gains his powers.)
Shaduck: Yes!
Hell Heavy #1: You’re welcome.
(The Hell Heavy leaves and Shaduck blasts Televossi’s face.)
Televossi: MY EYES! YOU WILL PAY!
Shaduck: I don’t think so!
(Televossi quickly recovers from his sudden blind but he cannot see Shaduck.)
Televossi: WHERE DID THAT BRAT GO?!
Shaduck: (From behind Televossi, now visible.) Over here, kiddo!
Televossi: I’m not a kid! 
Televossi shrinks to his normal size)
Shaduck: You sure? You look like you could wear a size small suit!
(Televossi shrinks to his baby size.)
Shaduck: Yeesh, even extra small wouldn’t fit!
(Televossi wails and Shaduck captures a picture of him on his phone.)
Televossi: What are you doing?!
Shaduck: Oh, just posting this onto Hell’s most popular social media platform.
Televossi: NO, DON’T!
(A “woosh” sound is heard from his phone, meaning the post had been sent and suddenly a crowd of people burst into the studio looking for the baby that they had seen.)
Televossi: No! Don’t look at me!
(The crowd grabs Televossi and brings him out of the studio as he screams. Shaduck smirks.)
Shaduck: Haha. (Checks his phone, it is 11pm.) Oh my gosh! It’s almost tomorrow, I need to get that gift for Rachel, stat!
(Shaduck looks around the studio, searching in all sorts of places and eventually reaches the designer’s wardrobe.)
Shaduck: That’s the most beautiful dress I have ever seen…
(Meanwhile, back at Wikia. Candle Man, Mystic and Limefong are looking for Shaduck in the fields.)
Candle Man: Shaduck, where are you!?
Limefong: Guys, look! (Points at the Wilson’s House.) I think that’s Rachel’s house! Maybe she knows where Shaduck is!
(Candle Man bursts into the house, followed by Limefong and Mystic to see a sad Rachel sitting on the stairs, her father comforting her.)
Harold: You did what you had to do!
Rachel: But was I too harsh? Maybe he was just trying to help me with something or my birthday or…
Candle Man: Uh, hi Rachel.
Rachel: Oh, (Sniffs.) hi, Candle Man and others. What are you doing here?
Candle Man: Well, Shaduck was trying to find a present for you because he felt upset that he made you upset but then he went on this dodgy website that teleported him somewhere and we don’t know where the heck he is!
Rachel: Wait, Shaduck is going through all of that right now just so he can find me a gift?
Candle Man: The best gift. He cares a lot about you Rachel.
Rachel: Wow...I don’t know what to say…
(Scene cuts back to Shaduck rushing to try and find a way back to Wikia.)
Shaduck: It would’ve helped if I could use my powers to teleport out of Hell not just places in it!
UCP: Hey! There you are!
Shaduck: Ah!
(UCP chases Shaduck again, but Shaduck shoots UCP with his lasers, shooting him to the other side of Hell.)
UCP: DARN YOU, SHADUCK!
Shaduck: No time to say anything back!
(Shaduck bumps into Satan’s Wife.)
Satan’s Wife: Watch where you’re going, hooligan!
Shaduck: Hey, do you know where your boss’ office is?
Satan’s Wife: I’m on my break.
(Shaduck collapses to his knees, holding Satan’s Wife’s feet.)
Shaduck: (Sobbing.) Please! It’s in the name of love!
Satan’s Wife: Ugh, fine. It’s that way (Points to the office.) Just get off my feet!
Shaduck: (Sobbing.) Thank you! (Shaduck kisses Satan’s Wife on the cheek and runs away.)
Satan Wife: EW, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF-
(Shaduck runs into Satan’s Office.)
Satan: Ah, duck boy. What can I do you for?
Shaduck: (Out of breath.) I...need....a got to….back...in…
Satan: What?
(Shaduck collapses and then immediately gets back up again.)
Shaduck: I need to go back home, quickly!
Satan: Transportations are not easy, you know. They take up a lot of energy!
Shaduck: Please, Satan! This is the last I'll ever offer from you...hopefully.
(Satan sighs and snaps his fingers. Shaduck is transported to the field, where he tumbles his way into Rachel’s house.)
Shaduck: Rachel!
Rachel: Shaduck!
Limefong: Where have you been, dude? We were all worried about you!
Shaduck: Simple, I was in Hell.
Everyone else: Hell!?
Shaduck: Yep.
Rachel: Anyway, Shaduck, I’d like to apologize for what I said earlier, I’m sure what you were doing in my house privately probably wasn’t creepy at all.
Shaduck: Uh, yeah…
Rachel: So, what were you doing exactly?
Shaduck: Nevermind that, it’s your birthday and I got you the best gift ever.
Rachel: Alright then…
(Shaduck gives her a box. Rachel opens the lid and gazes upon it with starry eyes.)
Rachel: Woah...Shaduck it’s extraordinary! 
Mystic: Well, spill the beans! What is it?
(Rachel lifts from the box a shiny rainbow-colored dress.)
Everyone: Wow!
Rachel: I’m so excited to try it on tomorrow! How did you find this beauty in Hell?
Shaduck: Oh, I robbed a designer of it.
Rachel: What?
Shaduck: Nothing!
(Rachel kisses Shaduck on the cheek, Shaduck giggles and falls over.)
Rachel: He’s never done that before!
(Shaduck is heard snoring.)
Candle Man: Oh yeah, it’s way past his and our sleepy time.
(Candle Man, Mystic and Limefong also collapse onto the floor snoring as Rachel and Harold stare in shock. Episode ends.)
Category:Transcripts
Category:Candle Man & Friends
Category:Season 1