Behold! The City of Blood! (transcript)

Behold! The City of Blood! 
Written by Ponyo Fan, William Leonard, Miss Dawg289 and JellyfishJam38
*(opening credits)
*(End of credits. The episode begins in the forest, where SpongeBob, Patrick and Sandy are walking. Patrick reaches out to hold Sandy's hand, but she rejects the advance.)
*Patrick: Do we really have to have all these boring walks through the forest?
*Sandy: It's authorised by Hoogra. He says (mocking voice) good warriors need exercise! I can understand some, but this is the second time we've ran a circuit through Swiss City today!
*SpongeBob: Gee, Sandy, I thought you liked exercise.
*Sandy: I do, but over-exertion sucks.
*Patrick: I just wanna sit on my ass and watch cartoons!
*SpongeBob: Well, you can't. We're exactly half-way through the run and we shouldn't be delayed unless something ambushes us.
*Sandy: Let's run. Hoogra expects us to be back in... (looks at watch) FIVE MINUTES?
*(The gang run, not knowing there is something behind them, running equally as fast. It pounces for Sandy's head. Everyone stops.)
*SpongeBob: What is that thing? (It is blue and has a tentacled body. It slips a tentacle into Sandy's mouth and attempts to choke her, and slowly wiggles two other tentacles into her eyes. The gang wrestle it off her, ripping fur off Sandy's face.)
*Patrick: I suddenly don't feel like watching those new anime DVDs I ordered...
*(SpongeBob squashes the monster with a rock. He pulls it up, revealing a green and purple paste.)
*SpongeBob: We killed it. Dead and gone. (It begins to reform. The blood flies back into the deflated casing, the tentacles stick back on, and its eyes open. It jumps on to SpongeBob's head and sticks a tentacle into his brain. SpongeBob starts having a seizure.)
*Monster: Civitatem sanguinum expectat.
*(SpongeBob froths at the mouth, jerks around, and stops, unconscious.)
*Patrick: You son of a bitch! (smashes a rock on the monster's head. He then looks down at SpongeBob.) SpongeBob?
*(SpongeBob is lying down, non-moving, blood trickling down his forehead and a pained expression on his face.)
*Sandy: I think he's dead. (touches the blood pooling around SpongeBob's head) Actually, no. The blood is still warm, he seems to have been knocked out. (she touches SpongeBob's face and we hear a loud scream that rattles the trees) But, you know that creature that KO'ed him?
*Patrick: Yeah?
*Sandy: It seemed to be controlling his brain, sending messages to it. And the thing said something. Civitatem sanguinum expectat. I used to do Latin in high school, let me figure out what it means. (she thinks for a while) The City of Blood awaits.
*(Cut to SpongeBob's point to view. He is lying in a hell-like red area.)
*SpongeBob: Hello?
*(The voice echoes around the room, becoming louder each echo. SpongeBob gets up and starts walking. Blood trails each footstep. He reaches a door spray-painted in blood. It says "The City of Blood - No Way Out". SpongeBob opens the door and sees a clone of him.)
*SpongeBob: Wait, who the hell are you and why do you look like me?
*Clone: Mortal die. Kill Swiss City. Everyone die.
*SpongeBob: I'm not sure what you meant, but that doesn't sound good.
*Clone: Blood Master says kill. Rip and tear and bite. Claw at skin. Eat bone marrow.
*SpongeBob: I'll rephrase that. This is NOT good.
*Clone: Blood Master is doom bringer. Everyone screams in fire. Fire destroys bones.
*SpongeBob: Hello? Speak proper English. I don't understand you.
*(The clone begins to decompose. Its eyes fall out, its arms and legs shrivel up, and it disappears in a Puff of green smoke. SpongeBob begins to shiver as he walks through the room. There are many mutilated SpongeBob clones, all saying the same words in unison.)
*Clones: Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.
*(The noises get louder as he approaches the next door. It says "Mortal Not Welcome". He begins to open the door, and then something jumps from the ceiling. It is a 20-foot tall golem made of flesh of assorted animals. It makes gorilla noises as it pounds SpongeBob with clawed fists. We see the clones chanting "Grit. Grit. Grit." and throwing flaming, blood-stained money.)
*SpongeBob: So Grit's your name, eh?
*Grit: Grit no care about name. Grit care about disembowelment.
*(SpongeBob stabs his sword into Grit, with a spray of black blood. Grit claws at SpongeBob's face. SpongeBob then makes a long incision in Grit's shoulder, with slight black blood. Grit clutches SpongeBob's neck and slams him against a wall, which suddenly opens out to a second, identical creature.)
*Clones: The Klag is here!
*(Grit and Klag start making bites in SpongeBob, as he draws them away with his shield. Klag ambles towards him, and SpongeBob hits him in the face with his shield. Grit stabs with his claws at SpongeBob's arm, making an odd-shaped wound.)
*Clones: Blood ritual! Blood ritual!
*SpongeBob: You're not having any of mine! (He grabs Grit, uses the sword as a grappling hook to climb up him, and stabs through his skull. An brief spray of black blood is emitted, and half of the clones scream and melt. Grit uses his last energy to headbutt SpongeBob on to the ground, and he breaks his arm.)
*(Klag approaches SpongeBob, who is lying on the ground, and then it cuts to Patrick and Sandy, who are at the Great Hall, attempting to resuscitate SpongeBob.)
*Patrick: The City of Blood...what the hell does that mean?
*Sandy: Oh, I know! I have it in a book of urban legends. (Sandy pulls an urban legends book from out of her suit.)
*Patrick: Why would you even have that with-
*Sandy: Never mind that. Anyways, the legend says that there's a city completely inhabited by monsters ruled by someone called the Blood Master. Rumor has it, when you are knocked out by a monster, you go here. There have been multiple reports of warriors claiming they have been there, but this has never been confirmed with proof.
*Patrick: Well, how do you get someone out of the City of Blood?
*Sandy: No one knows.
*Patrick: Well, (bleep). How are we going to get SpongeBob out of there?
*Sandy: We aren't even sure if it's real or not! The monster could be trying to trick us.
*Patrick: Yeah, you've got a point. (The ground all of a sudden starts to rumble.)
*Sandy: Ahhhhh!
*Patrick: Sandy, what's going on?
*Sandy: I don't know! (The ground collapses, and Patrick and Sandy both fall underground. They are knocked out on impact and a pool of blood is visible.)
*(Patrick and Sandy both wake up in the City of Blood.)
*Patrick: Ugh...what happened?
*Sandy: Patrick, I think we're in the City of Blood.
*(pause)
*Patrick: Well, it's definitely real.
*(Cut to the Swiss Hospital, where SpongeBob, Patrick and Sandy are laying. A doctor is tending to SpongeBob's wounds, while another is examining a large bruise on the back of Patrick's head.)
*Doctor: Are they dead? I tried everything, and they still haven't woken up.
*Doctor 2: They're unconscious, most likely in comas. But I agree, there's some strange stuff going on. I was checking the heartbeat monitor, and the soundwaves formed a very strange shape. They were all curved into each other, and it kinda looked like a skull with two swords in it.
*Doctor: Can you verify? This really doesn't sound normal.
*(The second doctor holds up a photograph of his heart rate. The soundwaves look as described, and are exactly the same as the wound Grit gave SpongeBob in the "blood ritual".)
*Doctor: Dear freaking God... I know that sign. Wasn't it... the logo of the... City of Blood? I once went there, and that was everywhere. I was trapped for a whole year in a cage. They kept pouring maggots and dead rats on me. It was horrible.
*Doctor 2: So, John, are you saying that these three are in the City of Blood?
*John: Yes, I am. There's no way this can't be a City of Blood case.
*Doctor 2: John, you've been here, done this. How the f(heart rate monitor bleep) do you get out of this horrible place?
*John: It just happens. They might be in there forever for all we know.
*(John starts stitching up a wound on Sandy. Cut back to SpongeBob.)
*(SpongeBob is being wrestled to the ground by Klag, until he cuts off his clawed fingers. Klag screams. SpongeBob is clawed across the stomach with Klag's one good hand, and while Klag is distracted on looking at the wound, SpongeBob smashes his sword straight through Klag. Klag is firmly suspended on the weapon, and as he pathetically flails his claws, SpongeBob picks up Klag's severed claws.)
*Klag: No!
*SpongeBob: Hell yes! (he throws the claws like ninja stars and they land in Klag's head, killing him.)
*(The clones all begin to melt)
*Half-Melted Clone: What have you done? (He bubbles up, an unrecognizable green mess. SpongeBob ignores it and opens the next door. As soon as it opens, a spear impales him. Cut to Patrick and Sandy, who are attempting to open a door. They slide a key in and the door suddenly explodes, revealing a group of monsters playing what seems to be poker.
*Monster 1: I'll bet two chips on Philip having his lungs ripped out of his belly.
*Monster 2: I'll bet four chips on SpongeBob going berserk and clawing out his own eyes.
*(Patrick walks in)
*Monster 3: Mortal! What the blood are you doing here?
*Patrick: I dunno. Just stumbled upon it.
*Monster 2: You should know this is the area where we choose people's fates, and yours is undecided as of now.
*Sandy: Wait, I heard you say something about SpongeBob going berserk.
*Monster 1: Yes, we've chosen that fate for him. The Prince of Illusions. He can make you see anything that comes into his mind, and my Blood Master, he's got a damn twisted mind.
*Patrick: Can't you just say "oh my God" rather than "oh my Blood Master"? It kinda creeps me out. Wait, how do you say "goddamn"? Blood-Master-damn?
*Monster 2: The Blood Master is our lord, our savior. He hears everything, sees everything. Kills everything.
*Sandy: I read about him in this book I have. It had some information about the City of Blood, but it mainly paid attention to less important, boring undersea legends, like the Atoll Arachnid.
*Patrick: Doesn't stop me from being creeped the hell out.
*Sandy: I know, we all are. But at least we have time before they choose our ultimate fate. (to monsters) Hey, how do you calculate the odds of someone's fate?
*Monster 4: One chip: small chance. Two chips: okay chance. Three chips: medium chance. Four chips: good chance. Five chips: very good chance. (he smiles) Six chips: almost definite chance. (he draws out his words) Seven chips: definite chance.
*Monster 1: Wait, we've got a new fate. Six chips on Patrick and Sandy being devoured by the Pit-Beast.
*(Patrick and Sandy look to each other)
*Both: SIX CHIPS?! (They hug each other, and give each other a kiss, while dramatic music plays)
*Patrick: Y'know, if we survive, we could escalate that a little bit.
*Sandy: You mean, like sex?
*Patrick: Shhhh, I don't want these monsters to know about my sex life.
*(The monsters turn to him and shake their heads)
*(Cut to SpongeBob, who is looking at the spear impaled in his belly. It suddenly disappears, and he walks through the door, as the Prince of Illusions looks at him.)
*Prince of Illusions: Well, it seems you did some nice work there. You've gone farther then anyone else has ever gone in the City of Blood alive. Well done. (smirks) But it's not over yet.
*More coming soon...
Category:Ponyo Fan
Category:Warriors of Bikini Bottom