Cape Feare/Quotes

:Lisa: This must be from my pen pal, Anya!
:Anya: (voice-over) "Dear Lisa, As I write this I am very sad. Our president is being overthrown and—"
:Male voice: "—REPLACED BY THE BENEVOLENT GENERAL KRULL! ALL HAIL KRULL AND HIS GLORIOUS NEW REGIME! SINCERELY, LITTLE GIRL."
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:Chief Wiggum: Sideshow Bob has no decency. He called me Chief Piggum!
:(The jury proceeds to laugh mockingly at the joke)
:Wiggum: Ah ho, now I get it! chuckles That's good.
:Selma: Sideshow Bob tried to kill me on our honeymoon.
:(The jury murmurs opinion to one another)
:Blue-Haired Lawyer: How many people in this court are thinking of killing her right now?
:(A few jurors raise their hands)
:Blue-Haired Lawyer: Be honest.
:(The entire jury, including Patty raise their hands as a juror gasps at her)
:Patty: Eh, she's always leaving the toilet seat up.
:Blue-Haired Lawyer: Robert, if released would you pose any threat to one Bart Simpson?
:Sideshow Bob: Bart Simpson? Hah, the spirited little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes and sent me to this dank, urine-soaked hellhole?
:Official: Uh, we objected the term "urine-soaked hellhole" when you could've said "pee-pee soaked heckhole".
:Sideshow Bob: Cheerfully withdrawn.
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Marge: [threateningly] Bart, I'm going to get you...[brandishes some scissors]
:Bart: [gasps]
:Marge: [cheerfully] ...some ice cream at the store, since I'm saving so much money on Diet Cola! [holds up a coupon]
:Ned Flanders: [menacingly] Say your prayers, Simpson... [cheerfully] Because the schools can't force you like they should! Maude, these new finger razors make hedge trimming as much fun as sitting through church!
:Mrs. Krabappel: [menacingly] You're going to be my murder victim, Bart... [normal] In our school production of Lizzy Borden, starring Martin Prince as Lizzie!
:Martin: [dressed as Lizzie Borden] 40 whacks with a wet noodle, Bart!
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:Milhouse: [to Bart] I checked around. The girls are calling you "fatty fat fat fat" and Nelson's planning to pull down your pants. But nobody's trying to kill ya.
:Bart: Aaah... that's good.
:Nelson: [pulls down Bart's pants]
:Girls: Fatty fat fat fat, fatty fatty fat fat!
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:(While Bart and Lisa are watching "Up Late with McBain")
:McBain: Ja thank you ja, that's nice. Let's say hello to my music guy, Skoey. [Skoey bows] That is some outfit, Skoey. It makes you look like a homosexual. [audience boos] Whoa, maybe you all are homosexuals, too! [audience boos]
:Bart: This is horrible.
:Lisa: The Fox Network has sunk to a new low.
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:Sideshow Bob: Bart Simpson? That spirited little scamp who twice foiled my evil schemes and sent me to this dank, urine soaked hellhole.
:Male Parole Officer: Uh...We object to the term: "urine soaked hellhole," when you could have said: "pee pee soaked heckhole."
:Sideshow Bob: Cheerfully withdrawn.
:Blue-haired Lawyer: What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say "DIE BART DIE"?
:Sideshow Bob: No that's German for "The, Bart the." *Audience laughs*
:Female Parole Officer: No one who speaks German can be an evil man.
:Male Parole Officer: Parole granted!
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:Lisa: Bart, I figured it out! Who's someone you've been making irritating phone calls to for years?
:Bart: Linda Lavin?
:Lisa: No, someone who didn't deserve it.
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:Bart and Lisa: Aah! Sideshow Bob!
:Bart: You wrote me those letters!
:Marge: You awful man. Stay away from my son.
:Sideshow Bob: Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right. (evilly) Stay away...forever!
:Homer: (quaking) Oh no!
:Sideshow Bob: Wait a minute, that's no good. (starts to walk away, then runs back) Wait! I've got a good one now. Marge, say, "Stay away from my son," again.
:Marge: (angrily) No!
:Sideshow Bob: (groaning)
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:Chief Wiggum [to Marge]: I'd like to help you ma'am, but, heh heh, I'm afraid there's no law against mailing threatening letters.
:Marge: (indignantly) I'm pretty sure there is.
:Chief Wiggum: Hah! The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle....
:Lou: Hey, she's right, Chief. (shows him "Springfield Law")
:Chief Wiggum: Well, shut my mouth. It's also illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling. (scene shows Eddie with squirrels running around in his pants, and a bunch of cops watching and laughing) Boys, knock it off!
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:Abe: I say we call Matlock. He'll find the culprit. It's probably that evil Gavin MacLeod or George "Goober" Lindsay.
:Bart: [dismissively] Grampa, Matlock isn't real.
:Grampa: Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob, if someone cuts it off and smushes it into a fine paste. Now that's good eatin'!
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:Homer: Oh my God! Someone's trying to kill me!! Oh, wait, it's for Bart.
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:Bart: Mom, Dad, I saw Sideshow Bob and he threatened to kill me!
:Homer: Bart, don't interrupt!
:Marge: Homer, this is serious!
:Homer: Oh, it is not.
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:Agent [to Homer]: Tell you what, sir. From now on, you'll be, uh, Homer Thompson at Terror Lake. Let's just practice a bit, hmm? When I say,"Hello, Mr. Thompson," you'll say, "Hi."
:Homer: Check.
:Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
:Homer: (stares blankly)
:Agent: Remember now, your name is Homer Thompson.
:Homer: I gotcha.
:Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson.
:Homer: (stares blankly)
:(A long time later)
:Agent: (sighs in frustration) Now, when I say, "Hello, Mr. Thompson," and press down on your foot, you smile and nod.
:Homer: No problem.
:Agent: Hello, Mr. Thompson! (stomps on Homer's foot a few times)
:Homer: (stares blankly; to other agent) I think he's talking to you.
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:Bart: I'll be Gus, the lovable chimney-sweep. Clean as a whistle, sharp as a thistle, best in all Westminster. Yeah!
:Homer: Shut up, boy.
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:Homer: Hey kids, want to drive through that cactus patch?
:Bart: Yeah!
:Lisa: Yeah!
:Sideshow Bob: (from under the car) No!
:Homer: Well, two against one.
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:Marge: We've left it all behind. How can you make a clean break with your life?
:Homer: Relax, Marge, I tied up all the loose ends before we left.
:[Scene goes to the Simpsons' old house where Grampa is standing at the door]
:Grampa: [knocking on the door] Hello-o! Hello-o! You have my pills! Hello-o? I'm cold, and there are wolves after me.
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:Sideshow Bob: [writing out his plan] Roman numeral III: Surprise boy in bed... [sips his tea] ...and, uh...disembowel him! ...No, I don't like that "bowel" in there. Gut him! Ah, le mot juste! [kisses the paper]
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:Homer: [running into Bart's room, looking menacing while holding a butcher knife] BARTDOYOUWANTSOMEBROWNIESBEFOREYOUGOTOBED?!?!
:Bart: AAAAAHHHHH!!
:Homer: [showing Bart the brownie pan] C'mon, let me cut you a brownie while they're still hot.
:Bart: Dad, I'm kinda edgy right now. I'd appreciate you not coming in my room screaming and brandishing a butcher knife.
:Homer: Why? Oh! ri-hi-hight. The Sideshow Bob thing. I'm sorry, boy. [kisses Bart goodnight and leaves]
:[Not even a second later, Homer runs back into Bart's room wearing a hockey mask and holding a chainsaw]
:Homer: BARTYOUWANNASEEMYNEWCHAINSAWANDHOCKEYMASK?!?!
:Bart: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!
:Homer: Oh! Sorry. What am I thinking? [kisses Bart goodnight and leaves again]
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:Lisa: (seeing Homer unconscious) Oh, no! Dad's been drugged!
:Marge: (annoyed) No, he hasn't!
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:Sideshow Bob: Well, Bart...any last requests?
:Bart: Well, there is one, but...(notices a sign that says the boat will be in Springfield soon) nah.
:Sideshow Bob: No, go on.
:Bart: Well, you have such a beautiful voice.
:Sideshow Bob: Guilty as charged.
:Bart: Uh huh. Anyway, I was wondering if you could sing the entire score of the "H.M.S. Pinafore."
:Sideshow Bob: Very well, Bart. I shall send you to heaven before I send you to Hell.
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:Bart [on how he tricked Sideshow Bob]: I knew I had to buy some time. So I asked him to sing the score from the "H.M.S. Pinafore."
:Homer: Ooh, a plan fiendishly clever in its in-tric-asies.
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:Bart: Take him away, boys.
:Chief Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake him away, toys.
:Lou: What'd you say, Chief?
:Chief Wiggum: Do what the kid says.
es:Cape Feare/Frases
it:Il promontorio della paura/Citazioni