Birthday Party

== Characters ==
Nat PetersonShubieSadie RechidNancy Suzy FishMartha SmithPilarHaroldFrankFred RechidTom SmithEvelynSallyTina-FranScooterClaytonLennyMabelBilly
== Transcript ==
(Scene cuts to Shubie eating lunch with Nancy, Martha and Sadie at Sadie's house)
Nancy: "It was so nice of you to invite us over, Sadie."
Sadie: "Thanks. So Shubie, what are you doing for Nat on Sunday?"
Shubie: "What's on Sunday?"
Sadie: "His birthday."
Shubie: "It's the 24th already?!" Shubie runs over to a calendar on the wall and sees that it's the 22nd.
Shubie: "Oh no! Nat's birthday is only two days away and I completely forgot! Wait, why is Nat's birthday marked on your calendar, Sadie?"
Sadie: "Uh... I always remember my friends' husband's birthdays!"
Martha: "Do you know when Tom's is?"
Sadie: "Nobody cares about Tom, Martha!"
Nancy: "Do you know when Frank's is?" Nancy flips back the calendar and sees a big "X" over where it says Frank's birthday.
Sadie: "I put an 'X' over it after the divorce. Don't worry though, Shubie. We can help you out! That's what friends are for!"
Shubie: "Really? Thank you guys so much! What should I do for his birthday though?"
Nancy: "You should take him to a sports game!"
Martha: "You should take him to Fancy! for a very romantic evening!"
Sadie: "No! Nat would never like those horrible ideas. You should have a surprise party for him!"
Shubie: "That's a great idea Sadie! I'll throw a surprise party for him!"
Sadie: "Excellent choice! Now let's all go to the mall and get stuff for the party!" Shubie, Nancy and Martha run out of the house, get in their boats and drive towards the mall. Sadie walks out of her house and gets in her boat.
Sadie: "Perfect! Once I ruin this stupid surprise party, Nat will totally realize that he's a fool for being with Shubie and will dump her for me!" Sadie laughs maniacally as she starts her boat and drives to the mall.
(Scene cuts to Shubie, Nancy, Martha and Sadie shopping at the mall)
Shubie: "Where should we go first?"
Nancy: "We should go to the party store and get decorations!"
Martha: "No, first we should get some food for the party!"
Sadie: "Why don't we split up and do both? Nancy and I will go to the party store to get decorations while Martha and Shubie can get some food."
Shubie: "That's a great idea, Sadie! Let's meet back here in two hours." Sadie and Nancy walk away in one direction and Shubie and Martha walk away in the other.
Sadie: "I'm going to have to ditch Nancy if I want to wreck this party, but how?" Sadie and Nancy walk by the hair salon.
Sadie: "That gives me an idea!" 
Nancy: "What?"
Sadie: "Oh, nothing! Say, you should really get your hair done. It looks a little messy and dry right now." Nancy feels her hair.
Nancy: "Nah, it seems fine to me."
Sadie: "Well I really think you should get it done if you want Frank to love you again."
Nancy: "What? Frank doesn't love me?!" 
Sadie: "Yeah, it kinda seems like he doesn't lately. You've seen the way he looks at, um… Evelyn, haven't you?"
Nancy: "Evelyn?! Why would he be interested in her and not me?"
Sadie: "Because your hair makes you look a lot older than you are. Everyone knows that Frank's into younger looking women like Evelyn."
Nancy: "I can't lose another husband to someone who looks younger than me! I need to get my hair done! But what about Shubie? I promised I would help her set up for Nat's party."
Sadie: "Don't worry about it. Go get your hair done. I can definitely get the decorations by myself."
Nancy: "Really? Thanks Sadie! You're the best!" Nancy runs into the hair salon.
Sadie: "Perfect! Now I can easily ruin this party!" Sadie walks into the party store.
Sadie: "Ok what should I buy first? What's this? Pin the tail on the seahorse?"
(Scene cuts to Sadie's imagination) Sadie puts a blindfold on Nat and spins him around.
Sadie: "Ok, Nat! Try to pin the tail on the seahorse!" Nat runs away trying to pin the tail.
Nat: "I think I found it!"
Shubie: "Ouch! My butt!"
(Scene cuts back to Sadie in the party store) Sadie puts the pin the tail on the seahorse game in her shopping cart.
Sadie: "Perfect! What else do they have in here? Ooo! A piñata!" 
(Scene cuts to Sadie's imagination) Sadie blindfolds Nat.
Sadie: "Okay, Nat! Hit the piñata as hard as you can!" Sadie sends Nat in the direction of Shubie. Nat starts hitting Shubie repeatedly with a baseball bat.
Shubie: "My face!"
(Scene cuts back to Sadie in the party store) Sadie grabs the piñata and walks down another section.
Sadie: "Hmm… How else can I ruin this party?" Sadie sees Mabel and Billy in front of a bunch of balloons. 
Billy: "Can I have some balloons, Mommy?"
Mabel: "Ok sweetie, you can have one balloon. If I gave you more, you might fly away!" Mabel laughs and hands Billy a balloon.
Sadie: "Fly away… That gives me an idea!"
(Scene cuts to Sadie's imagination)
Sadie: "Would you mind holding these balloons for me, Shubie?"
Shubie: "Sure thing!" Sadie hands Shubie a large amount of balloons. Shubie begins to fly away.
Shubie: "Oh no! Nat! Nat! Help me!" Shubie flies away. Nat shrugs.
Nat: "Well since Shubie just floated away, I guess I'll have to make out with you, Sadie."
(Scene cuts back to Sadie in the party store)
Sadie: "Sadie, you are such a genius! Now all I need is one more thing." Sadie notices a bunch of fireworks. Sadie smirks.
(Scene cuts to Sadie's imagination)
Sadie: "Happy birthday, Nat!" Sadie lights a bunch of fireworks. The fireworks launch directly at Shubie and explode.
Shubie: "My face! It's ruined!" Nat walks over to Sadie.
Nat: "Well since my wife is now covered in third degree burns, I guess I'll have to marry you, Sadie."
(Scene cuts back to Sadie in the party store) Sadie grabs all of the fireworks and puts them in her shopping cart.
(Scene cuts to Sadie walking across the street to Nat's house a few days later)
Sadie: "Hey Shubie!"
Shubie: "Hey Sadie! Thank you so much for offering to help me set up today!"
Sadie: "No problem! I always love helping my friends when they need it the most!"
Shubie: "I knew I could count on you! Now let's start setting up." Shubie looks at her watch. 
Shubie: "Nat will be back at 2 which is in two hours and we have a lot of work to do. First..."
Sadie: "Hey, you don't look so good Shubie. Maybe you should lie down and rest for a bit."
Shubie: "But how would we set up for the party?" 
Sadie: "Just leave it to me! I'm great at setting up parties! Who do you think plans all of my husband's, my step kids' and my own birthday parties?"
Shubie: "Oh, I don't know. I wouldn't want to make you do all this work..." Sadie pushes Shubie towards her house and opens the back door.
Sadie: "Relax! Everything's going to be fine. Now go back inside and enjoy a nice refreshing nap while I set up the party."
Shubie: "Well, I guess I could use a nap. Thanks Sadie! You're such a great friend!" Shubie walks inside her house and closes the door.
Sadie: "Now it's time to ruin this party! First, let's start with the food!" Sadie runs over to a table full of food. 
Sadie: "No one will enjoy these hotdogs when I replace them with chum!" Sadie takes the meat out of all the hotdog buns and puts chum inside them. Sadie then replaces a tray of brownies and cookies with a tray full of burned ones. 
Sadie: "And they'll puke once they drink this toilet water!" Sadie throws a case of water in the trash and replaces it with bottles of toilet water.
Sadie: "Now let's set up the games and fireworks!" Sadie laughs manically and starts putting up the piñata.
(Scene cuts to Shubie taking a nap on her couch) Shubie wakes up and looks at her watch.
Shubie: "It's almost 2! Nat will be here any second!" Shubie runs outside and sees that a lot of people are already there.
Shubie: "Where are the kids?"
Sadie: "Oh, I had Debbie babysit all of them. I didn't want them to get in the way of the party."
Shubie: "Oh okay. Is everything ready and is everyone here?"
Sadie: "We're only waiting on Scooter, Martha and Tom. Everything is just about ready. I just didn't have time to put up all these balloons. Would you mind holding them for me?"
Shubie: "Sure!" Shubie starts to float up off the ground a bit before coming back down.
Shubie: "Woah! This is quite a lot of balloons, Sadie!" 
Sadie: "Yeah I knew I had to buy a lot because I know how much Nat loves balloons!" Scooter walks into the backyard.
Shubie: "Hey Scooter! Thanks for coming to Nat's party."
Scooter: "No problem, Shubie." Shubie sees Nat pull into the driveway behind Scooter.
Shubie: "Nat's here! Alright everyone get ready! Would you mind holding these balloons for me, Scooter?"
Scooter: "Sure." Shubie hands Scooter the balloons and runs over to the others as Nat opens the back door. Scooter starts to float away.
Everyone: "Surprise!" Shubie runs over towards Nat and hugs him.
Shubie: "Happy birthday, sweetie."
Nat: "Did you plan this whole thing for me? Thank you so much Shubie! You're the greatest wife I could ever have! No one could ever replace you."
Sadie: "Grr... well we'll see about that!" Sadie walks over to Nat.
Sadie: "Hey Nat! Happy birthday! Would you like to play a birthday game?"
Nat: "Sure!" Nat follows Sadie over to the pin the tail on the seahorse game as Martha and Tom walk into the backyard.
Shubie: "Hey Martha and Tom! Glad you could make it!"
Martha: "Hey Shubie, sorry we're late! We were just really busy..." Martha starts sniffing the air. 
Martha: "What is that smell?!" Martha runs over to the food table and begins eating a ton of hotdogs.
Mabel: "Of course Martha's eating everything. She's such a slob." Evelyn rolls her eyes.
Evelyn: "What does Tom see in her?"
(Scene cuts to Sadie blindfolding Nat)
Sadie: "Ok Nat! Time to pin the tail on the seahorse!" Sadie turns Nat towards Shubie who is talking to Harold. Nat runs towards Shubie.
Shubie: "That is so interesting! I never knew you had a device that could read people's minds!"
Harold: "Yeah would you like me to show you it?"
Shubie: "Sure!" Shubie and Harold walk away which causes Nat to pin the tail on Lenny.
Lenny: "OW!"
Mable: "Lenny!" Mable punches Nat in the face which causes him to tumble onto the ground. Sadie runs over to him.
Sadie: "Nat! Are you alright?" Nat takes off his blindfold.
Nat: "Wow Sadie, that was the most realistic pin the tail on the seahorse game I've ever played! I had no idea it would kick me after I put the tail on it!" Sadie laughs nervously.
Sadie: "Uh, yeah I love the realistic version! It's so much more fun! Do you want to break the piñata now?"
Nat: "Sounds like fun!" Sadie puts the blindfold back on Nat and leads him over to the piñata. Sadie hands him a baseball bat and turns him towards Shubie again.
Sadie: "Hit it as hard as you can, Nat! Don't hold back!" Nat runs towards Shubie who is talking to Tina-Fran.
Tina: "Shubie, we're out of napkins. Martha used them all." 
Shubie: "Oh thanks for letting me know, Tina. I'll go get some more." Shubie runs over to the house to get some more napkins. Nat starts swinging the bat and hits Tom in the face.
Sally: "Tom! Nat, stop!" Sally grabs Nat and tries to pull him away from Tom.
Nat: "Why? I've almost broken the piñata!" Nat keeps hitting Tom with the bat until Sally finally drags him away. Nat takes off his blindfold.
Nat: "Why did Sally make me stop hitting the piñata?"
Sadie: "Um, I think it's because she's one of those nut jobs that thinks that piñatas are living creatures."
Nat: "There are people who think that piñatas are living creatures?"
Sadie: "Uh... yeah."
Shubie: "Ok everyone! It's time for dinner! I ordered pizza!" Everyone runs to the table.
Harold: "I think you made a mistake, Shubie. It says that Pilar and I are sitting at the back of the table but we obviously should be sitting closer to Nat."
Shubie: "It's not a mistake. Married people sit closer to Nat and single people sit towards the back." Harold and Pilar walk away.
Pilar: "Why do wives have to ruin everything? We should be sitting next to Nat! We're his best friends after all! We need to get dates so we can sit closer to him!" Harold sits next to Evelyn.
Harold: "Hey, how's it going? Would you like to go on a date sometime?" Evelyn rolls her eyes. Pilar sits down next to Tina.
Pilar: "Will you marry me?" Tina slaps him. Sadie walks over to the table.
Sadie: "Oh no! Shubie put Nancy and Frank next to Nat and not me! I have to fix this." Sadie switches Nancy and Frank's name tags with her and Fred's so she can sit next to Nat. 
Sadie: "Hey Nat, have you..." Shubie hands Nat a slice of pizza.
Shubie: "Here's some pizza, Nat."
Nat: "Thank you so much Shubie! You're the greatest wife ever!"
Shubie: "Oh, stop it! You're the greatest husband ever!" 
Sadie: "Grr... I'm gonna have to distract Shubie if I ever want to talk to Nat. Hey Shubie, would you mind getting me a soda from over there? It's just so far away."
Shubie: "Sure." Shubie gets up and walks over to a cooler full of sodas.
Sadie: "Perfect! So Nat..."
Shubie: "Here you go!" Shubie hands her a soda.
Nat: "How's work been going Shubie?"
Shubie: "Great! Just the other day..."
Sadie: "Ugh! They're talking again! I'm going to have to get Shubie away from him, but how?" Sadie looks down at the table and sees the soda Shubie just gave her. 
Sadie: "I've got an idea!" Sadie shakes her soda really hard and opens it in Shubie's direction. The soda gets all over Shubie.
Sadie: "Oh no! I'm so sorry, Shubie!" 
Shubie: "It's okay. Accidents happen. I'll go wipe myself off." Shubie walk away and into her house.
Sadie: "So Nat have you been enjoying your birthday so far?" Nat is about to answer but Shubie returns to the table.
Nat: "Wow Shubie, that was fast! So tell me more about what happened to you at work."
Sadie: "Dang it! I need to find another way to distract her. I've got it." Sadie grabs a piece of pizza and shoves it into Shubie's mouth. Shubie and Nat look at her strangely.
Sadie: "Sorry I just saw that Shubie's pizza was getting cold and I didn't want it to be ruined." Shubie swallows the pizza.
Shubie: "Uh thanks, Sadie. So anyway..." Sadie grabs a piece of pizza out of Frank's hands.
Frank: "Hey!"
Sadie: "Would you like another piece of pizza, Shubie?" Sadie throws the piece of pizza and it hits Shubie in the face. Shubie pulls the pizza off of her face.
Shubie: "I didn't ask for one but thanks I guess."
Frank: "Evelyn could you pass me a slice of pizza?"
Nancy: "Oh I can get one Frank!"
Frank: "Are you sure? The pizza box is right in front of Evelyn."
Nancy: "Oh yeah I've got it." Nancy tries to reach across the table and grab the box, but it slips out of her hands and a bunch of pizza slices hit her, Frank and Evelyn. 
Shubie: "Well there goes our last box. I guess that means it's time for presents!" 
Sadie: "Oh sorry, Nat. I left my present for you at home. Maybe after this party you can come to my house and unwrap it." 
Shubie: "Who'd like to give out their present first?" 
Harold and Pilar: "I will!" Harold and Pilar run over to the table with a bunch of presents on it and grab theirs.
Harold: "I'm giving my present to Nat first because I'm his best friend and best friends always go first!"
Pilar: "You're not his best friend! You didn't even go to high school with him! I'm his best friend so I should go first!" Frank walks over and grabs his present.
Frank: "If anyone should go first it should be me because I'm clearly his best friend!"
Harold: "You?! You probably don't even know his favorite color which is yellow by the way!"
Pilar: "His favorite color is blue."
Harold: "Oh. Well I'm blue so that means I should go first!"
Frank: "No my shirt is blue so I should go first!" Fred walks over to them.
Fred: "Gentlemen please. Let's not act like barbarians. There's no need to fight over this." 
Frank: "Yeah you're right, Fred. Look at how we're acting right now. It doesn't matter who goes first or not as long as he enjoys the present. It's the thought that counts."
Fred: "Exactly. It's obvious that I'm his best friend anyway so I'll be giving him the first present."
Frank: "Why you little..." Frank punches Fred in the face. Frank, Fred, Harold and Pilar get into a huge fight.
Fred: "MY LEG!" Shubie sighs.
Shubie: "Why don't we serve the cake first?" Shubie grabs an ice cream cake and starts lighting the candles.
Sadie: "This will be the perfect time to shoot the fireworks at Shubie!" Sadie runs over to the fireworks launcher and puts a bunch of fireworks in it.
Shubie: "Ok guys, you know what to do! Three... two... one!"
Everyone: "Happy birthday Nat!" Shubie puts the cake in front of Nat.
Shubie: "Happy 36th birthday, sweetie." Sadie aims the launcher at Shubie and presses a button that causes it to shoot a firework at her.
Sadie: "Finally Nat will be with the one he deserves! I can see it now! We'll become rich and have so many kids together! Nothing could possibly go wrong now!"
Clayton: "I call the second piece!" Clayton runs over towards the cake. Clayton runs in front of Shubie and gets hit by the firework. The firework explodes and Clayton goes flying into Evelyn's backyard.
Clayton: "Well at least I still have my personality."
Sadie: "Barnacles!" Sadie kicks the firework launcher which causes it to malfunction.
Sadie: "Uh oh. That can't be good." The machine starts shooting fireworks everywhere. A firework hits the table full of presents causing it to light on fire. A firework hits the piñata causing it to light the tree on fire. A firework hits a banner that says Happy Birthday Nat! causing it to light on fire. A firework knocks Evelyn's wig off of her head.
Nancy: "Yes!" A firework lands inside the cake which causes the cake to explode and get all over everyone.
Martha: "I don't feel so good." Martha gags and vomits under the table. Sally wipes some of the cake off of her face.
Sally: "That's it! I'm outta here!" Sally walks away. 
Tina: "Me too!" Tina walks away. 
Nancy: "I'm covered in frosting! This was the worst party ever! Come on, Frank! Let's go!" Nancy and Frank walk away. Everyone leaves the party.
Shubie: "No everyone come back! Please don't leave!" The others continue to walk away. Shubie starts to cry.
Nat: "What's the matter, Shubie?"
Shubie: "Oh Nat! I'm so sorry! Everyone's gone! I ruined your birthday!"
Sadie: "I'm still here." Nat hugs Shubie.
Nat: "It's okay Shubie. I mean, yeah this party was a total disaster but it didn't ruin my birthday. It's the thought that counts. As long as I'm here with you, any day is a great day. I love you Shubie. Thank you for trying so hard just to make me happy."
Shubie: "Really? I love you too Nat. I don't know what I'd do without you!" Nat and Shubie kiss.
Sadie: "Will anything ever go right for me?" Sadie kicks the firework launcher again and it shoots a firework that hits Sadie's boat which causes it to explode.
Sadie: "Well at least now Fred has to buy me a brand new boat."
(Scene ends)
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