Heaven and Hell

Heaven and Hell is the seventieth episode of Cult of Squid. It released on January 10th, 2024 and was written by Purple133.
==Plot==
Before leaving the North and returning to Bikini Bottom, Squidward and SpongeBob are pulled into two wildly different meetings.
==Transcript==
(Episode begins at the cabin with SpongeBob and Squidward sipping what appears to be hot cocoa from mugs)
SpongeBob: (breaking the silence) Hey Squidward, what happens now?
Squidward: What do you mean?
SpongeBob: Well, Jerry’s in prison in one of the two bedrooms here, Azryth and Fate are in the wind, and we just battled some cosmic beast and somehow won against it. So what now?
Squidward: I’m not entirely sure.
SpongeBob: Are we going to permanently stay in the north?
Squidward: I’ve thought about it. 
(Noseward comes into the main room and interrupts)
Noseward: We can’t.
Squidward: Why not?
Noseward: After all of that, you want to just stay here and bunker down for the rest of our lives?
Squidward: I mean yeah, I’m kind of drained. We all are. I think we all deserve a little break from all these cosmic threats and the war back home. 
Noseward: A little break, or a forever break? Squidward, we can’t just stop fighting now. We need to go home, we need to take back Bikini Bottom.
Squidward: Lord Royal Jackass has full control over it. We don’t even have the slightest IDEA of how to hurt him, much less end his reign over our home. 
SpongeBob: So you’re saying we do nothing?
(SpongeBob and Noseward shoot each other glances)
Noseward: We still have the Book of the Damned.
Squidward: What of it?
Noseward: Well, we might be able to use it against Project Phoenix!
Squidward: Tried that, it didn’t go too well. I’m sorry if this isn’t what you guys want to hear, but I don’t know if there’s any fight left in me. I think it’s time we just cut our losses and stay here. I’m going to go give Jerry his rations now.
Noseward: Remind me again why we didn’t just kill him? After everything he did?
Squidward: Because we don’t kill people anymore, Noseward. And besides, now we can see to it that he faces justice.
Noseward: How’s he going to face any form of justice if we’re all here with him the rest of our days?
(Squidward walks away and into the kitchen, grabs a bag from the fridge, and then walks to a door labeled “JERRY” and unlocks the door. He walks in and Jerry is chained to a chair in the center of the room surrounded by water that’s dangerously close to a torn wire)
Squidward: Here’s your food.
(Squidward throws the bag at Jerry, who throws it back at him)
Squidward: Come on man, just take the food.
Jerry: Do you have any idea how demeaning this is? How undignified I feel right now?
Squidward: You’re the one who killed our friend.
Jerry: I’m sorry.
Squidward: Sorry or not, we need to make sure you can’t pose a threat to us anymore. Or anyone else, for that matter. 
Jerry: But I am truly sorry.
Squidward: Just take your food. 
(SpongeBob comes into the room)
SpongeBob: Hey Squidward, what are we going to do with him when we return to Bikini Bottom?
Squidward: Who says we’re returning?
(Squidward notices the entire cult standing behind SpongeBob)
Squidward: Why do you all want to go back so bad?
Noseward: Well how is what we did any different than what Project Phoenix did? We took over and killed a lot of people, they took over and basically killed people because everyone there is a mind controlled zombie.
Squidward: Not my problem anymore.
(Noseward walks up to Squidward and smacks him)
Squidward: What was that for?!
Noseward: You of all people are choosing to quit now?! NOW?! 
Squidward: That beast that we just fought nearly destroyed everything. And honestly, I don’t think that would’ve happened if we weren’t involved. I don’t think Azryth would be free right now if I didn’t summon Satan, I don’t think-
(Noseward slaps Squidward again)
Noseward: Stop blaming yourself for all the bad stuff that’s happened to us. Yes, a lot of this is our fault, but it’s our job now to put an end to all this nonsense.
Squidward: And how do you propose we do that? How do y-
(Squidward, then SpongeBob across the room suddenly disappear in a flash of light, leaving the entire room silent)
Crayons: Welp, must’ve been a few weeks since the last thing.
(We cut to a perfectly white room; there’s a desk in the middle of the room, a chair behind the desk and two in front, all white; there’s windows letting in an odd white light. A flower pot with a white tree with white leaves sits in the corner. Squidward and SpongeBob appear in the room and land on each other on the floor)
Squidward: What the- where are we?
SpongeBob: Did we die? Are we dead? Why did I get dragged into this?
(A booming voice is heard offscreen)
Voice: I brought you here because you’ve hidden something that I want. 
(The angel Raphael appears in the chair)
Raphael: Sit, please.
(Raphael snaps his fingers and SpongeBob and Squidward are suddenly sitting in the chairs in front of the desk)
Squidward: What could we possibly have that you want?
Raphael: The Book of the Damned. 
Squidward: What does an angel need that thing for? 
Raphael: Well, you mortals are pretty crafty. The humans of your world created the book to be used against angels and demons alike, and the writer of the book itself tied her own soul to it. 
SpongeBob: You’re saying that a soul is more powerful than an angel?
Raphael: That’s exactly what I’m saying. That witch didn’t just use her own soul, she got the entire coven to use their own souls for that book.
Squidward: Wait, can we pause for a second? Who are you? Where are we? 
Raphael: I’m sorry, where are my manners? My name is Raphael, I’m the commander of Heaven’s army. I brought you here to this place to ask you for the Book of the Damned because Azryth is amassing power and I fear he wants to start war with Heaven.
Squidward: And how does that affect us?
Raphael: Well for starters, he likely knows you have the Book, the one thing that could stop him. He would torture and kill everyone you know and love to get his hands on it. On top of that, he wants to burn down the entire world. A war between Heaven and Hell could only be contained to ocean for so long, once our barrier breaks, everyone on Earth will perish.
Squidward: Wait, what barrier?
Raphael: About a millennium ago, the angels were able to contain the demons by trapping them to the sea. There haven’t been demonic possessions on land since the middle ages because we were able to lock the demons away. 
SpongeBob: Is that why Satan was so concerned with taking over the sea before he made it to the land?
Raphael: In a sense, yes. My brother-
Squidward: Your BROTHER?
Raphael: Yes, my brother. We’re archangels, as are a few others here in Heaven.
Squidward: Can we unpack THAT?
Raphael: Not right now. Right now, I need you to give me the Book. 
Squidward: What do you plan to do with it?
Raphael: Defeat Azryth and his forces. We have a common goal here, can you just bring me the book?
Squidward: What does defeating Azryth and his forces look like?
SpongeBob: Squidward, why are you acting so hesitant?
Squidward: Because these angels tortured our friend! 
Raphael: Rigel only did what was necessary at the time. I wish we could undo it, and he is in Heaven’s prison for killing one of our sisters. 
Squidward: Still doesn’t change what happened. Aren’t angels supposed to be nice or something? You guys are sort of [dolphin chirps].
Raphael: Don’t take that tone with me, boy. 
Squidward: If we give you the book, what happens?
Raphael: I’ll take your souls and use their power to destroy Azryth.
SpongeBob: Wait, WHAT?!
Squidward: Yeah, WHAT?!
Raphael: I’m only doing what’s necessary. The existential threat posed by Azryth is unlike anything we’ve encountered, he needs to be stopped by any means necessary. 
Squidward: So you were just going to take our souls without asking? That’s really frigging messed up! 
Raphael: I do ONLY what is good for the continued existence of well, existence! 
(Suddenly, Squidward and SpongeBob disappear in an ominous red flash of light)
Raphael: Oh [dolphin noises]
(Squidward and SpongeBob land in a rust colored cave, Azryth is sitting on a rock waiting for them)
Azryth: I’ve been waiting for you two to arrive! Took me a while to break past whatever barrier Raphael had protecting you, but I did it! Yay for me!
Squidward: Do you want the book too?
Azryth: Yes, I really, REALLY do. 
SpongeBob: You know we’re just going to say no to you, right?
Azryth: Had a feeling. That’s why I brought insurance! 
(Noseward appears in front of Azryth)
Azryth: Heya pal! What happens if I cut into that purple scar of yours?
(Azryth uses one of his clawed fingers to start digging into Noseward’s scar left by Skelfingin; Noseward screams in agony)
Noseward: Don’t give him what he wants! 
Azryth: You really, REALLY shouldn’t have said that. 
(Azryth uses his claw to stab Noseward’s torso, dropping him to the ground, killing him)
Squidward: NOOOOOOO! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! I’M GOING TO [dolphin chirps] KILL YOU. I’M GOING TO-
Azryth: Calm down Squiddy! I couldn’t actually penetrate whatever barrier Raphael has up, you’re still in there. I was just able to get into all of your minds! 
Squidward: This isn’t real? 
Azryth: Absolutely right! I can’t actually hurt you in here, but I CAN hurt you out there. Once I find you. I know you’ve got all sorts of warding up but believe me, I will find you, and once I do, I’ll destroy you.
Squidward: So what, you’re just going to threaten us until we give you the book? You can’t actually do anything to us here, can you?
Azryth: Well, I can make you watch your friends die over and over and over again in the most gruesome ways imaginable. Believe me, I can be VERY creative. Just give me the book, that’s all I ask!
Squidward: Screw. You. 
Azryth: I was worried you’d say that. Let’s see what I can do while I’m in your heads, shall we?
(Squidward collapses to the ground in pain)
SpongeBob: What did you do to him?!
Azryth: I can’t put you in actual pain, but I can make you THINK you’re in pain.
(SpongeBob falls to the ground in the same way)
Azryth: Right now, I’m giving you two the sensation of having a heart attack. I can make this go on and on until eventually you two just give me what I want!
SpongeBob: (grimacing) and what makes you think we’re the ones that can?
Azryth: The fact that you’re the one that said the spell, SpongeBob! You and your buddy Squidward here buried that book somewhere and cast spells on it to hide it from everyone.
(SpongeBob begins coughing violently)
Azryth: How about a cough that doesn’t go away no matter how hard you try to get it to?
(Squidward begins convulsing)
Azryth: Seizures?
(SpongeBob clutches at his head)
Azryth: Give me what I want and this pain ends.
Squidward: I’d rather die than give you the book. 
Azryth: Have it your way.
(Squidward wakes up in a different room, all alone)
Squidward: Where am I-
(Security appears, sitting in the center of the room, silent)
Squidward: Did Azryth- did he-
(Squidward gets sucked through a portal and we see flashes of past episodes; Squidward eating canned bread, Squidward dying during the Komrade’s first attack, Squidward going to prison, Squidward making a deal with Satan, Satan destroying the Cult, Patrick and Security’s deaths, the battle against Skelfingin, then he’s sucked back in front of Azryth)
Squidward: WHAT THE-
Azryth: I just made you relive your entire life inside of your own mind. I can do whatever I want to you, there aren’t any rules here. 
Squidward: I won’t give it to you. Do your WORST.
Azryth: With pleasure! 
(Azryth waves his hands but nothing happens to SpongeBob and Squidward)
Azryth: Crap! 
SpongeBob: Guess even you’re not as strong as a pissed off archangel, are you Azryth?
Azryth: (starting to fade into red smoke) This isn’t over. I’m going to get that book and then I’m going to spread a little Hell to Heaven and Earth.
(Squidward and SpongeBob reappear in Raphael’s room)
Raphael: There you two are! Did you give it to him? 
Squidward: No! No, we didn’t give that monster the book. But we’re not going to give it to you either.
Raphael: As you wish. When this war breaks out, know that I’m going to get what I want, one way or another. Eventually, you two will give me what I want. 
(Raphael snaps his fingers and Squidward and SpongeBob reappear in the exact place they were taken from)
Squidward: Where are we now-
SpongeBob: The cabin.
Noseward: Well? What were you saying?
(Squidward looks around confused)
Squidward: We have to stop this war from happening. We have to go back to Bikini Bottom WITH the book, keep it hidden in the only place I know is going to be safest. 
Noseward: What? Weren’t you just giving up like five seconds ago-
Squidward: It’s been brought to my attention that we’re quite literally the last line of defense against a full blown war between Heaven and Hell. 
SpongeBob: So what do we do now? 
Squidward: We take back our home and prepare for the coming war. We defeat Lord Royal Highness once and for all, we stop Project Phoenix and break their control over the city. We stop the war from ever breaking out, we do whatever it takes to defeat Azryth. We keep the book hidden, we become the force of good and the force for all of the ocean. We return to Bikini Bottom! 
(As the camera pans away from the cabin, a blizzard can be seen starting; silhouettes of the cult can be seen walking through it as the screen fades to black)
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