Minor Offenses

Minor Offenses is the third episode of OpenSpongeBob. It was written by OpenAI and FireMatch.
==Transcript==
(The episode begins with SpongeBob having his dick out at the mainframe’s computer monitor, obviously using the porn from last episode to pleasure himself)
Numbah 4: Oh dear! CODE WHITE! SOMEONE IS JACKING OFF AT THE MAINFRAME!
(An alarm sounds off in the KND moon base, causing everyone to panic)
Numbah 1: No need to panic everyone, code white just means cum.
Numbah 2: (giggles, but gets hit with a mace by Numbah 1)
Numbah 1: NO HORNINESS AT KND!
Sandy: SpongeBob, what did I tell you about jacking off at the mainframe?
SpongeBob: That it’s wrong?
Sandy: Yes, and you are on the computer all the time! 
(Everybody gasps) 
SpongeBob: So what? 
Sandy: You’re addicted to porn!
Numbah 2: And you’re not the only one! 
(We then cut to Numbah 5, using the other KND moon base computer simultaneously to get on the Internet and access Pornhub. It cuts to even more KND members watching porn on their cell phones, laptops, and other various types of electronics) 
Numbah 7: I’m trying to access Pornhub, but kept getting popups. 
Numbah 5: Don’t worry, I downloaded an adblocker, that way no ads will bother us. 
(Numbah 5 then downloads her ad blocker from an unknown website, which is a virus, causing the computer to malfunction) 
Numbah 5: Aw man, my computer’s broken. I think I got a virus. 
Sandy: Everyone stop watching porn, or you will be punished. 
Numbah 5: But we’re so horny right no- 
(Everyone else looks at Numbah 5 with a dirty glare, causing Numbah 5 to run away) 
SpongeBob: (sighs) The least they could do is take away the mainframe’s password. 
(The scene then cuts to three hours later in school) 
Ms. Puff: (holding a cell phone) SpongeBob, why are you on your phone in class? 
SpongeBob: Isn’t it obvious? I’m downloading porn to my phone. 
Ms. Puff: You most certainly aren’t! (takes the phone and destroys it) That’s it SpongeBob, I’ve had it up to here with this behavior! (grabs SpongeBob by the neck) We’re gonna have a serious talk from now on mister! 
(Ms. Puff then pushes SpongeBob through a time portal that leads to Emperor Zurg’s lair in the future. SpongeBob then goes to a porn site on his new phone, which is made completely out of metal, and downloads porn of naked girls with large breasts) 
(The scene then cuts to SpongeBob watching his porn at the bus stop, but no buses are around) 
SpongeBob: I wanted to watch my porn on the bus, but there’s no buses around. 
Simba: (suddenly appears) SpongeBob SquarePants, I’ve got some bad news for you. 
SpongeBob: Wow! A talking lion! 
Simba: (sighs) I’m not a lion, I’m a mouse. 
SpongeBob: Oh, my bad. So, what is this bad news? 
Simba: The future is in trouble SpongeBob because of the rise of jacking off. 
SpongeBob: What do you mean? (puts away his phone) 
Simba: Ever since you went through the portal and went on a porn site, it has caused a rise of jacking off. 
SpongeBob: So what does that have to do with the future? 
Simba: The future is in trouble because every time someone jacks off, they release toxic energy into the drinking water, and that energy is causing children to be born without brains. 
SpongeBob: So jacking off is causing children to be born without brains? 
Simba: Yes, in order to make the future better, you must destroy all forms of pornography. 
SpongeBob: But I love porn, and I’m so horny right now! How can I destroy all porn? (Put his phone back out) 
Simba: Go to the library and destroy any and all porn from the library so people can’t have any porn to jack off to. 
SpongeBob: Okay, I’ll try my best. 
(SpongeBob then goes to the local library where he destroys all the porn books with a knife. Unfortunately, there is an employee inside) 
SpongeBob: Time to destroy this porn book! (slices open a porn book, causing it to explode) 
Miss Fanny: SpongeBob, what are you doing? 
SpongeBob: I’m destroying all these porn books to make the future better. 
Miss Fanny: (sighs) I’ve heard that they are the reason why our children are being born without brains, but at least you didn’t damage any other books in the process. 
SpongeBob: Whoops, I guess I burned down half the library.
Miss Fanny: Oh, SpongeBob, you didn’t! 
(But SpongeBob did, and now the library is in ruins. He then walks away, whistling)
Later, SpongeBob is seen on a park bench, eating a porn magazine.
SpongeBob: Mmmm, this porn magazine is delicious!
(Suddenly, a group of children run up to SpongeBob) 
Child 1: Hey, mister, can we have some of your porn magazine? 
SpongeBob: No way, kids! This porn is for grown-ups only! 
Child 2: But we’re adults too! 
SpongeBob: No, you’re not! You’re just kids in grown-up bodies! Now go away before I have to call the police! 
(The children sadly walk away. SpongeBob then licks his porn magazine and smiles)
The next day, SpongeBob is walking down the street, when he sees a group of children reading porn magazines.
SpongeBob: Hey, kids! What are you doing with those porn magazines?
Child 1: We’re reading them, duh!
SpongeBob: But didn’t I tell you that porn is for grown-ups only?
Child 2: Yeah, but we found them in the trash can.
SpongeBob: Oh, well, in that case, you can keep them.
(The children cheer and run off with their porn magazines. SpongeBob then shakes his head and smiles)
Later that day, SpongeBob is at home, reading his porn magazine. Suddenly, there is a knock at the door. SpongeBob answer it to find the police officer from before. 
Police Officer: SpongeBob SquarePants, you’re under arrest for distributing pornography to minors. 
SpongeBob: What? I didn’t do anything! 
Police Officer: We have evidence that you’ve been giving porn magazines to children. 
SpongeBob: But I didn’t mean to! They were just trash! 
Police Officer: I’m sorry, SpongeBob, but you’re coming with me. 
(The police officer handcuffs SpongeBob and leads him away. SpongeBob looks sadly at his porn magazine as he’s being led away)
Later, SpongeBob is in court, on trial for distributing pornography to minors. 
Judge: SpongeBob SquarePants, you are hereby sentenced to 10 years in prison for distributing pornography to minors. 
SpongeBob: But I didn’t mean to! 
Judge: I’m sorry, SpongeBob, but the law is the law. You are to be taken to prison immediately. 
(The bailiff comes and takes SpongeBob away. SpongeBob looks sadly at the judge as he’s being led away) 
Later, SpongeBob is in prison, serving his 10 year sentence. He is seen sitting on his bed, looking sadly at his porn magazine. The scene fades to black) 
The End
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