The Apparition

If you are asleep at 4:20 A.M. on the 69th day of the year, this stupid ass motherfucker will materialize in your room and give you backshots, but will dissappear seconds before you wake up, thus rendering you unable to stop him. People who have been haunted by this son of a bitch are said to have noticed their anuses bleeding upon awakening. 
== How do I stop this from happening? ==
The only known (humane) way to stop him from non-consensually doing the deed is to have someone else go into your room when he materializes, tap him on the shoulder, and tell him that he is grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for 567475467347438421347436788562375673263653 years and to go to his room. This will result in The Apparition running away while letting out the shittiest cry known to man. It is also important that you refer to him as "Kayloo" while performing this ritual, otherwise it will not work.
One individual has found a way to kill the apparition and is the only one who has ever done so, but the kill is not permanent as the apparition will come back after two years. This killing method has not been revealed, but if it was, it wouldn't be as effective as the grounding method due to the amount of time between visits from this dumbass being significantly shorter (567,475,467,347,438,421,347,436,788,562,375,673,263,653 is greater than 2).
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