The Bird! The Bird!/Transcript

== Prologue==
[Live-Action: "Neatness Counts"]
Mario: (dressing his moustache in the mirror) Time for a new day, but as we always say, neatness counts
Luigi: That's right, Mario. And by the way, a little piece of spaghetti on your overalls
Mario: You too Luigi, and you have a little bit of spaghetti sauce on your shirt, as usual
Luigi: Really? Your shoes are dirty and your socks don't match
Mario: And you got five cavities
Voice Hello?
Mario: Hello?
Luigi: I didn't say hello
Mario: I didn't
Voice: Well I did, over here
Mario opens window which we can see a lady
Lady: Hi, are you the Mario Brothers?
Mario: Sure are. Hi, you're Nicole Leot
Luigi: Wicked, watch your show all the time, Mario and I are your biggest fans! What are you doing in the medicine cabinet
Nicole: I'm checking the expiration date on your toothpaste, it's very important you know. Can I come in?
Mario: Sure, come on in (closes cabinet window) Nicole Leot
Nicole: (holding newspaper) Well it says here that you two are the best plumebrs in Brooklyn and quite possibly the world
Luigi: Yes Nicole, that is absolutely true, not only that, but we are also very, very neat and clean in fact, what are we always saying, Mario?
Mario: "Hey slob, that's my pizza!"
Luigi: No, no, neatness counts
Mario: Oh yeah
Nicole: Good, I need my kitchen sink fixed
Mario: Certainly come to the right place, we'll demonstrate right now, just how good we are with absolutely no obligation
Nicole: I really don't have much time, see, I'm on my way to a party
Mario: but this will only take a second. Hey, as you can see here, we have a clogged sink, and it'll only be fixed in a few seconds, Luigi
Luigi is fixing the sink with a wrench
Mario: (chuckling) I think it's stuck
Nicole: Look, I really should be going
Mario: It should just only take a few seconds
They manage to fix it - however, water splashes out on Nicole from the sink
Mario Brothers: Uh oh!
[theme song plays]
==Main Act==
A Princess is being drived by a sledge pulled by a Toad, with Mario and Luigi walking ahead, in an ice area'
Mario: (voiceover) Plumbers Log. Number 101: The Land of Ice. Me and my brother Luigi had just saved Princess Toadstool from King Koopa, and we're looking for the magic that would set her kingdom free and get us home to Brooklyn
Then we can see a big pink dinosaur-like bird crashing into stuff, unbeknowst to Mario and the gang. Suddenly, the bird grabs Toad and flys
[Pause]
Toad: Hey, let me go! - I'm warning ya' I get nasty. Help!!
Toadstool: Oh no, poor Toad! give him back you dimwitted Birdo! (jumps up with the Mario Brothers) Look! The Birdo took Toad to the highest peak! Please Mario, Toad saved my life a hundred times, we've got to save his!
Mario: Don't worry, Princess, Luigi and me will climb that mountain before you can say "spaghetti and meatballs"
Luigi: I can't, I'm allergic to mountains!
Mario: Okay, wait here, and if you become lunch for polar bears, don't blame us
Luigi: Polar bear? Lunch? (hearing this, Luigi proceeds)
Meanwhile, with Toad and the Birdo. The latter takes Toad to her home, with looks like a normal civilian house, but no ceiling and three messy walls. The giant Birdo drops Toad in a crib
Giant Birdo: Cheepy! My darling little cheepy. Give mummy a kiss! (picks up Toad and kisses him on the cheek several times)
Toad: What are you trying to do, you whacko bird, drown me?!
Giant Birdo: Mommy missed her little Cheepy so much!
Toad: Mommy? You're not my mommy!
Giant Birdo: (hugging Toad) Oh you're such a jokester! (puts him back in the crib)
The Giant Birdo's telephone is ringing
Giant Birdo: (trying to locate the telephone) Now where did I put that telephone? (finds it) Aha! Hello? Oh, it's the missing bird, Bureau, you can call off the search for my missing baby, I found my little sweet-ums! (holds a bottle with picture of her son saying "HAVE U SEEN THIS BIRD?")
Toad is trying to climb over the crib
Giant Birdo: It was a terrible picture of you anyways, Cheepy
Toad: I'm not your little Cheepy!
Giant Birdo: Oh, Cheepy, quit kidding around and give mommy a hug!
The Birdo is about to hug Toad, but the latter jumps and dodges the hug
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