Cats of the Cosmos/OPED

Cats of the Cosmos Opening
Cats of the Cosmos Ending
New Years Day, 20XX.On the way home, I began to wonder...
How many years had it been sincethe Great Cat War began?And yet, it feels likeI never hear from you anymore.Not even on my birthday.
The cat's meow... out-of-this-world...most righteous... top-shelf...king of the hill... the big cheese...
No words can expressthe awesomeness that is me.
I guess people are just afraid to gettoo close to true perfection?
But wait...I just thought of something!!
Could it be? Am I asking for too muchfrom you, my lovely believers?
My bad (lol)
I heard that lately the most popularholiday destination is outer space.All the celebs are going.
For some reason everyone is totallyfascinated with Alien fashion.It's the biggest fad of 20XX.
You didn't hear it from me, butthe radiance of the Alien empirereaches even my neighborhood.
Well, those space guys still can'tcompete with my glory, of course.
It gets pretty exhausting, beingfollowed around by crowds ofstylish people begging for your attention.Such is my burden...
The question I get asked most:"Where are your trousers?"But telling would spoil the surprise.
OH!
Here's some big news.I just passed by the Cats who headedout into deep space.
They had some really importantinformation for all of you.
Those Aliens... they're actually not such bad guys after all!They're just normal folks likeyou might run into in your hometown
Still, the Cats have to invade somewhere.And so, the next adventure ofThe Battle Cats begins now!!!
And so...The Cat Empire achieved totaldomination of the entire universe.
A splendid galactic federationby the Cats, for the Cats.The cosmos achieved total peace,and unlimited cat food for all.
... that's the official story, butthe reality is a little different.Everyone's daily life didn'tactually change one bit.
The one weird thing is that allconstellations now look like cats. Cats, and only cats.
Or maybe its just me?
Actually, I was at a New Years Partyfor the Cat Army and Alien Empire.I only went to be polite, but...
These Cats and Aliens just turnedtheir backs and ignored me, talking about time travel, mind control, and all kinds of obscure technical topics.At some point, the world went blurry...
I must have had one seltzer too many
because when I came to I was alone.
Actually, I think that was nice of themnot to wake me, because I felt verywell rested for a week after.
Oh yeah, that's right.
I was free one Tuesday, so I wentto the battlefield with the Cat Armyto kill some time.
I haven't had such a good timesince grade school gym class.
What, you believed me?Of course I'm not serious.
Well, as the Cat God, I can't justleave those guys to lose, right?
And you... you did great, kid.I'm going to grant your dearest wishes.No, not that one, you creep.
You'll see what I mean. Anyhow.
Congratulations to The Battle Cats!
Thank You Battle Cats!
Onward... to the realm of legends!