Advice No One Asked For - Number Three/Transcript

Advice No One Asked For - Number Three is the third episode of Buckley's "Advice No One Asked For" series.  It is currently only available on his website, in the "Supplements" section.
Description (as seen on the website): Another edition of "Advice No One Asked For".  This week I help a teenage girl with her parents.  Or maybe it's the other way around?
==Transcript==
(introduction music played during the following paragraph)
Welcome to "Advice No One Asked For", where your good pal Buckley dispenses advice originally requested from a completely different source.  Quite frankly, they should have just asked me first instead of me having to go and hunt these questions down.  I might be a little nicer to them if I didn't have to work for it.  Anyway, today's question comes from a young lady who makes my brain hurt.  This is read exactly as written.
Dear advice-giving idiot,
My life is very difficult.  First of all, my parents dont never give me no freedom.  They never let me go anywhere without them, and I'm fifteen!  I had alot of freedom when I was younger, I dont have no friends because of them. Im homeschooled, too.  So Im to the point when I just want to walk out of the house and never come back.  What should I do?  
Signed...let's just call her "Kate". 
First of all, you're homeschooled, Kate?  From the amount of grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors in this letter, it seems to me that freedom is the least of your problems.  You need to find a new teacher before the only career paths open to you involve either a plunger, a drive-thru window, or both.  Anyway, you ever think that maybe your parents "dont never give you no freedom" is because you're an idiot?  Maybe the reason they don't let you go anywhere without them is not because they're afraid you're gonna do something irresponsible, or that you're gonna get into trouble, but because you'll forget where you live and end up wandering into someone else's house.  Or, maybe they're just so embarrassed by how much of a drooler their daughter is, that they don't want you to go out in public without them there to make sure you don't destroy their family name by saying things like, "I dont have no friends because of them".  I imagine they'd be especially embarrassed if they're the ones teaching you and you're the product of their education.  Your life is difficult?  Fuck you!  People in Somalia's lives are difficult! You're just a whiny fifteen-year-old little bitch that's mad your parents won't let you go out and fuck the neighborhood.  So you wanna know what you should do?  Here's what you should do. Walk up to your parents, and thank them for not aborting you fifteen years ago.
(introductory music playing)
I'm Buckley, and you're welcome.