Eight Kids and a Genie/Transcript

(The episode begins in the SUV. The kids are going to the antique store.)
Ralphie: Do you think they might old vintage comics or baseball cards?
(When they get to the antique store:)
Tim: Whoa! Look at this place.
Keesha: It's like the Cave of Wonders, you know, like in the story of Aladdin! My grandma used to read that to me a lot.
Jyoti: Captivating! It's the first edition of The Magic School Bus at the Waterworks! The book that started all our adventures! (looks at the book) It's from 1986, and SIGNED BY JOANNA COLE! We've gotta buy this guys! (she picks up the book and decides to buy it)
Keesha: Let's get the facts: and I thought Joanna Cole was dead.
Arnold: Hey guys, look at this!
Tim: It's a lamp. Some dusty old lamp.
Ralphie: Ooh! Maybe there's a genie in there.
DA: I doubt it. According to my research, the Arabian Nights are just legends.
Wanda: Whatever! We're buying it!
(The kids bought the lamp and went home.)
Ralphie: Eww, who's seen a dirty lamp? We've gotta clean this up. Excuse me, where are the paper towels?
Arnold: Over there.
(Ralphie grabs one then rubs it)
Ralphie: Uhhh, guys...
(lamp shakes then moves. Ms. Frizzle appears in a hijab, baggy pants, and pointy elf shoes. Liz appears in a sultan hat with a feather on it. The Bus is a carpet)
Ms. Frizzle: WaaaaaaHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (then bumps her head like in Aladdin) OW!
(all) Ms. Frizzle?
Ms. Frizzle: Hello, former class, and Bella.
Dorothy Ann: Whoa! Is the Bus a carpet?
(Bus beeps)
Tim (whispers to her): I think we've been Frizzled.
Bella: M-m-Ms. Frizzle, you're a...
Ms. Frizzle: an almighty genie, I know. Mr. Ruhle imprisoned me in this lamp after he got a hold of the Bus Remote, just to keep our field trips safe.
(flashback)
Present-day Ms. Frizzle: He sent me to the principal's office.
(Mr. Ruhle snatches the Remote from past Ms. Frizzle's hand, shoves her and Liz into the Bus, clicks a remote, and sucks them into a lamp. Then, Mr. Ruhle gives the lamp to the Antique Store Lady for $100.)
(Flashback ends)
Ms. Frizzle: And now, I'm a genie. And not just any genie, a genie that can grant the rubber of the lamp eight wishes!
Jyoti: Sounds even better than three! I wish...
Ms. Frizzle: Uh-uh-uh, Jyoti, you didn't rub the lamp. I think, based on who's holding it right now, Ralphie did.
Ralphie: Oh yeah! So, for my first wish, I wish for more wishes, and if that doesn't work, I wish to wish for more wishes, and if that still doesn't work, I wish to wish to wish to wish for more wishes!
Meanwhile, Ralphie's stepbrother came to the Antique Store.
Robbie Tennelli: Ralphie!
Ralphie Tennelli: Robbie!
Robbie Tennelli: My big stepbrother!
Ms. Frizzle: Crafty question, Ralphie and Robbie. But no can do buddy. Sorry, that's the genie code. We don't give free wishes. It says right here in the Bus Manual.
Ms. Frizzle: And since everyone looks like they want wishes, I'll each give you guys one. But Bella, you'll just have to sit tight.
Bella: Come on, Ms. Frizzle, that's no fair!
Ms. Frizzle: And since you're the one who rubbed that lamp, Ralphie and Robbie, it's time for your first wish!
Ralphie (rubbing): I wish to be stinkin' filthy RICH!
Robbie Tennelli: Me too.
Ms. Frizzle: Alright, it's settled then. Bus, let's do this! (she then clicks a button on the Bus)
(The Carpet Bus stretches, spins around, and surrounds Ralphie and his stepbrother, and he then gets covered in mud while the entire house rains money)
Ms. Frizzle: Boom!
Ralphie: Oh yeah! Filthy rich! But is it just me, or am I so dirty!
Robbie Tennelli: So, you need to clean, Ralphie.
Ms. Frizzle: Genies take things literally, you know. So be careful what you wish for. Right, Liz? (Liz nods her head).
Ralphie: But I gotta get me a shower Robbie.
Robbie Tennelli: I'll be right back, Big stepbrother.
He leaves.
Ms. Frizzle: Even showers won't protect your filthiness. You can't undo a wish until you wish it back, but you just wasted your wish, so someone else has to wish you back.
(Ralphie hands the lamp to Keesha)
Keesha: Well I've got my own wish. Ms. Frizzle, Liz, Bus? I wish to be a...let's not take this literally...um...a or an...(starts rubbing) famous fashion...person?
Ms. Frizzle: Famous fashion person! All right, let's shake up the town! Bus, style her!
(The transformation sequence happens again)
Keesha: Whoa! It worked! I am a famous fashion model! I'm even on the Kidderville magazines! Well, if you'll excuse me, guys, I've got a plane to catch!
(She gives the Lamp to Wanda, and then a plane parks at the apartment)
(Keesha gets in plane)
Keesha: Later!
(the plane takes off)
Bella: Are you guys insane? We just ruined Ralphie and now Keesha's on her private jet!
Wanda: Well my wish is going to be phenomenal. I'm sure it'll make Bella happy.
(rubs lamp)
Wanda: I wish for the town water supply to be the town soda supply!
Ms. Frizzle: Soda it is! Hit it Liz!
(poof)
(Wanda and Bella grab a cup of water, drink it, and then nose-burp)
Wanda: Oh, yeah! The sugar!
Bella: Oh yeah! The caffeine! This is the best wish in the world, Mom!
Mr. Johnson (narrating time card): A few hours later...
(Wanda and Bella groan)
Wanda: I'm so full, my digestive system is splashing! Well too bad the others can't swim in my stomach because they have to wish for it!
Bella: The Bus is a genie now!
Dorothy Ann: Ms. Frizzle, you're cursing everyone instead of blessing everyone!
Ms. Frizzle: You asked for it, class! It was your choices! And genies take things literally! And there's five students who haven't wished yet. I just hope someone wishes me free.
Arnold (takes the lamp): I wish that I could stay at home today!
Ms. Frizzle: Okay Bus, do your stuff!
Arnold: Nothing works. Well, let's see if I could get out (opens the door) It's locked! HELP!
Tim: Here, Dorothy Ann! Here's your wish and it better be good.
(hands her the lamp)
Dorothy Ann (rubs): I wish to be intelligent!
Dorothy Ann: According to my brain, some volcanoes form when plates pull apart. The storm of the Bastille is French Independence Day (blah blah blah blah)
Dorothy Ann: And now I'm gonna use this entire episode without my research!
Ralphie: (he comes back with a gold chain and gold sunglasses, while still being dirty): Whoa, is it just me, or does DA have fourth-wall awareness!
Ms. Frizzle: I set her IQ to infinite. So she can interact with the fourth wall! Now, that was a big brain play.
DA: (gets shocked) OW! I can't touch my books, or navigate the Friz Pad to a research site!
Dorothy Ann (runs up to the fourth wall): Viewers, do you want me to tell Scholastic to make more episodes of The Magic School Bus Rides Again?
2010s and 20s kids/Rides Again fans: Yeah! Rides Again! Rides Again! Lin Manuel Miranda and Kate McKinnon are the best in our book! MORE FIONA FRIZZLE! MORE RIDES AGAIN! Original series episodes ruined our childhood!
1990s kids/original Magic School Bus fans: YOU RUINED MY CHILDHOOD! Bring back MSB! Bring back MSB! Professor Frizzle! Professor Frizzle! Producer Says! Producer Says! Lin-Manuel sucks! And so does Kate McKinnon!
Dorothy Ann: Now, here, (pictures of animals appear in thin air) can you point to the Haliaeetus leucocephalus (Latin name for bald eagle)?
Viewers: Huh? (they start pointing to random animals)
Dorothy Ann corrects them: No, this is the one! (points to the bald eagle)
Keesha: We've been dumbed down to a preschool show with a smart Dorothy Ann who can break the fourth wall with the power of her own mind! This gets worse and worse!
Dorothy Ann: This concludes Dorothy Ann's Highly Intelligent Game of Multiple-Choice Questionnaires... and Friends! We bid you the most accurate and mathematically correct farewell!
Viewers: Bye!
Dorothy Ann: Ralph Alessandro Giuseppe Tennelli ILIX (the 49th), was that the most magnificent questionnaire show of multiple-choice questions as great as every exoplanet in the known universe?
Ralphie (realizing he has been called by his full name) Yes, Mom.
Dorothy Ann: Do I look like Dr. Alicia Aria Tagliatelle-Tennelli, MD, to you?
Ralphie: How do you know my mom's name?
Dorothy Ann: I know all in the universe - even the fact that Jyoti is going to take the lamp next.
Jyoti: Wow. That's what I was going to be doing.
Keesha (returns home): Hi guys, wha-a-a-a-a?
(looks around the house)
Arnold tries to open the door, Wanda and Bella burp, Ralphie counts his money, Dorothy Ann meditates while floating, Ms. Frizzle, Liz, and the Bus play poker, and Jyoti starts rubbing the lamp)
Jyoti: Ms. Frizzle, since it takes so long to invent things, and that I'm always running out of ideas, I wish to have the power to create everything out of nothing!
Ms. Frizzle: Bus, do your stuff, and cure Jyoti from her inventor's block! WA-HA-HA-HOO! (the bus starts spinning around)
Jyoti: Well I have to know if I can actually create things out of nothing.
Keesha: Why not try summoning something simple first. Like, a paper plate.
(Jyoti's hands glow, and summon a paper plate)
Keesha: (sarcastically) Wow, I'm surprised.
Jyoti: Ooh, what should I do next: Hmm... (summons a USB-powered helmet)
Jyoti: Now I don't have to type anything: I could just think that the mouse is moving.
Arnold: That's already been invented.
Jyoti: How would you like it if it could do this!
(Pulls a remote control, and then Arnold feels a shock while Jyoti flops on the couch)
Jyoti (through Arnold): I can possess anyone to do our chores! Now half of my consciousness is in Arnold...
Jyoti (through herself): ...and half is in my body. So I could do almost anything. (transfers back to Arnold) Now, to do the dishes...
(Jyoti-Arnold does the dishes before realizing Wanda's wish)
Jyoti (through Arnold): Oh yeah, I forgot that water is now Mtn Dew. (transfers to Jyoti)
Arnold: WHOA! I just had this dream, that I couldn't move a muscle!
Wanda (nauseous): Ugh, that was..ugh.. real, (barfs through her nose), Arnold.
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