Baseball Bugs/Transcript

The complete transcript of the cartoon Baseball Bugs, a Looney Tunes short starring Bugs Bunny.
==Transcript==
A crowd is seen in some baseball stands, cheering on their teams. The camera cuts to a baseball game. The pitcher throws the ball, which is hit by the batter, who then begins a run to first base.
Announcer: And here we are folks, at the famous polo grounds. It's been a one-sided, knock-down, drag em out baseball game right from the very first inning, with the visiting team {cuts to a scoreboard} the Burning Gas-House Gorillas {the score by the gorillas changes to 40} giving the home team, the Tea Totallers, {cuts back to field} a slapping they'll never forget. {The pitcher throws the ball} Baseball fans-- {With a loud smack, the batter hits the ball over the far wall} Oh! There goes a screaming liner into left field. {Close-up on the ball, which has grown a face and is screaming as it flies through the air. The scene cuts back to the field, where a large man with a cigar and five o'clock shadow is holding a baseball} The home team hasn't a chance, but they're in there punching, nevertheless. {pans left to reveal the batter, who is an elderly man in grey uniform}
Elderly Batter: I'm only ninety-three and a half years old.
The pitcher winds up, performing several gestures as he does so, before he launches the ball towards the batter. The camera cuts to the pitcher and catcher, who is also a large man with five o'clock shadow. As the ball approaches, the catcher steps up and catches the ball before it can cross the plate. The elderly man swings his bat in vain. The catcher throws it back to the pitcher, who winds up again and throws the ball towards the batter once again. The ball misses the plate, but instead goes much higher than he intended. We cut to the umpire, who doesn't look nearly as tough as the baseball team.
Umpire: Ball!
One of the members of the team comes up to him and, with a growl, pounds him into the ground. The umpire slowly comes back up.
Umpire: I don't know what could've come over me, sir. I meant to say strike. {He faints}
The camera cuts back to the announcer.
Announcer: Now listen to that crowd roar, as the Gas-House Gorillas go up to bat again. Boy! What a game!
We cut to the baseball field, where we see the pitcher, who is equally as elderly as the batter. The pitcher throws the ball, but quickly ducks as it comes back towards him with a smack. This is repeated a couple times, until the screen pans left and we see the batters, who are hitting the balls with ease. The screens cuts out, and we see that the entire baseball diamond is filled with batters who are crossing the bases, each holding the shoulders of the person in front of him. The pitcher continues to pitch and duck. We then cut to the scoreboard, where the Gas-House Gorillas's score rises by one point every time the ball is hit. The crowd wildly cheers.
The camera fades to Bugs Bunny, who is sitting in his rabbit hole while he eats a carrot on a hot dog bun.
Bugs Bunny: Boo! Boo! Boo! Nah, you Gas-House Gorillas are a bunch of dirty players. {Takes a bite off his sandwich} Why, I could beat them in a ball game with one hand tied behind my back all by myself. Yeah. {Cuts to the pitcher, who angrily turns around to face the rabbit} Yeah, get up there and Wham! a homer. Wham! another homer. {camera zooms out, revealing three of the Gas-House Gorillas players} Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham! Wha-- {notices the players} Nyah. {eats some peanuts} What's up, Doc? (animation by Virgil Ross)
Pitcher: {picks up Bugs} Alright, big shot. {blows smoke on him} So you think you can beat us all by yourself. {puts him down and reaches off-screen, giving him a baseball uniform} Well, you got yourself a game.
Announcer: Attention, please! Attention! There has been a slight change in the Tea Totaller line-up. Catching: Bugs Bunny. {cuts to Bugs as a pitcher, reaching into his back pocket and eating a carrot} Pitching: Bugs Bunny. Left field: Bugs Bunny. Right field: Bugs Bunny. Third base: Bugs Bunny. Center field: Bugs Bunny. {cuts to Gas-House Gorilla batter} First base: Bugs Bunny. Shortstop: Bugs Bunny. Second base: Bugs Bunny.
Bugs winds up his pitch in a series of wild movements, then throws to the batter. He then runs fast to behind the plate, assuming position as a catcher.
Bugs Bunny: {quickly} Come on! Right down the plate! Right down the ol' alley! This guy's a push-over! Come on now, boy, give it to him! {is hit by the ball. Camera cuts left, showing Bugs knocked out on the floor, with the ball bouncing beside him. Opening his eyes, Bugs picks up the ball and returns to the base, talking much slower} That's the ol' pepper, boy! That's the ol' pitchin'! That's puttin' it over the plate, boy! {throws the ball off-screen, then runs back to the mound to assume the position of pitcher, arriving just in time to catch the ball}
Bugs repeats his wind-up, but suddenly throws the ball up in the air. He pulls up his sleeves, spits on his hands, and pulls up his pants, then catches the ball again and throws it to the batter. He then goes back behind the plate as a catcher.
Bugs Bunny: {quickly} Right down the middle, boy! Gimme the big league ball, son! Now, come on! Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy-uh!
He is hit again, and the camera pans to the left, showing him knocked out. The camera fades to the mound, where Bugs is standing.
Bugs Bunny: Aah, I think I'll perplex 'em with my slowball! 
First Bugs winds up, then he releases the ball in slow-motion.
A batter swings three times at the ball. 
Umpire: One! Two! Three! Strike! You're out!
A second batter comes up to the ball and swings three times.
Umpire: One! Two! Three! Strike! You're out!
A third batter comes up to the ball and swings three times.
Umpire: One! Two! Three! Strike! You're out!
The third batter throws his bat on the ground in anger as he misses to hit the ball. 
Cut back to Bugs, who is in batting uniform. 
Bugs Bunny: Oh, eh, bat boy. {A boy with bat wings comes up, holding four bats. Bugs picks one and hits it against the plate a couple times. Cut to the pitcher, who winds up.} That's the kinda' step we want, kid. That's the ol' ginger ball! {hits ball. Cheering, he runs across the bases, only to find a member of the Gas-House Gorillas standing on home plate, ball in hand. Bugs pulls out a picture of an attractive woman, and the Gas-House Gorilla player starts to act crazily, whistling, whooping, and banging himself on the ground, until he goes out of view. Bugs runs across the plate. Cut to a scoreboard, which now says "Bugs Bunny" in place of "Tea Totallers." The score changes to 1-42}
The ball is thrown again, and Bugs hits it, starting his run to first base. Cut to the umpire, who is watching the game. A Gas-House Gorilla comes up behind him and captures him, taking him behind a door. The Gorilla player comes out in umpire dress as Bugs goes for home base. Bugs slides.
Umpire: You're out!
Bugs comes up in his uniform.
Bugs Bunny: Where do ya get that malarkey, I'm safe!
Umpire: I said You're out!
Bugs Bunny: I'm safe!
Umpire: You're Out!
Both Umpire and Bugs Bunny are arguing about if Bugs is safe or out. 
Bugs Bunny: Safe!
Umpire: Out!
Bugs Bunny: Safe!
Umpire: Out!
Bugs Bunny: Safe!
Umpire: Out!
Bugs Bunny:Safe! Out!
Umpire: Safe!
Bugs Bunny: Out!
Umpire: Safe!
Bugs Bunny: Out!
Umpire: Safe!
Bugs Bunny: Out!
Umpire: I said you're safe, and if you don't like it, you can go to the showers!
Bugs Bunny: Okay, then, Doc. Have it your way. I'm safe. {exits the umpire's vest}
The Umpire has a smile at first, but then realizes in shock that he's been tricked. The scoreboard changes to 2-42. Cut to Bugs Bunny, again at bat. He hits the ball and takes off running. Cut to the outfielder.
Outfielder: {running} I got it! I got it! I got it!
The outfielder starts to run and is hit by the ball with a strong impact as he is buried in the ground, where a tombstone and flowers pop up. The epitaph reads, "He got it." The score changes to 3-42. Cut to Bugs, once again at bat. He hits the ball. The outfielder, who is smoking a cigar, starts to run, but is hit by the ball and smashes into a fence that says, "Does your tobacco taste different lately?" The score changes to 4-42. Cut to Bugs at bat. He hits the ball, which goes to outfield and bounces off several of the player, like bumpers on a pinball table. Each player glows after he is hit Cut to scoreboard, where several numbers appear, until it finally says, "Tilted". Cut to Bugs as a pitcher as he is throwing the ball. The batter hits the ball and starts running the bases, only to find Bugs on home plate, who hits him with the ball.
Umpire: {popping in from the side of the camera} You're out!
Before the Gorilla player is trying to score a home run, Bugs knocks him on the ground with the baseball in his hand, causing Gorilla to get semi-transparent pictures of himself with wings as they're swirling around his head. Bugs eats his carrot and holds up a sign that says, "Was this trip really necessary?" (A reference of a fuel rationing campaign during WORLD WAR II) 
Announcers: {singing} What's the score, boys? What did Bugs Bunny do? Bugs, with the carrot, playing baseball today.
Single Announcer: Bugs Bunny, ninety-six. {96 appears on the scoreboard} Gas-House Gorillas, ninety-five. {95 appears on the scoreboard. Cut to Bugs on the mound} It's the last half of the ninth with Bugs leading ninety-six to ninety-five. {Cut to batter} The Gas-House Gorillas have one man on base and two outs. A home-run now would win the game for the Gorillas.
The batter runs off to a tree, which he cuts down with an axe. Cut back to the base, where he is now holding the tree as if it was a bat. Cut to Bugs on the mound.
Bugs Bunny: Eh, watch me paste this pathetic palooka with a powerful paralyzing perfect pachydermous percussion pitch.
Bugs winds up for an abnormally long time, then throws it to the batter, who hits the ball so powerful over the fence. Bugs runs out of the field and to a yellow taxi.
Bugs Bunny: Taxi! Follow that ball!
Bugs gets into the taxi, and they follow the ball. Suddenly, the car turns around, going the opposite direction.
Bugs Bunny: Hey, wait a minute, Mac, you're going the wrong way!
Bugs suddenly sees that the driver is a member of the Gas-House Gorillas. The player maniacally laughs as Bugs gets out of the taxi and into a bus. Bugs sits down and reads a newspaper as the ball flies overhead. The bus stops at the Empire State Building, and Bugs gets out and takes the elevator to the roof, where he stands on top of the flag-pole. He throws the glove into the air. The glove catches the ball and lands on Bugs's hand.
Umpire: {to the batter} You're out!
This causes the Gas-House Gorillas to be disqualified for cheating (like using a tree as a baseball bat) and makes Bugs Bunny's team win. 
Batter: I'm out!?
Cut to "The Statue of Liberty" that comes to life. 
Statue Of Liberty: That's what the man said, you heard what he said, he said that.
Cut to Bugs, who speaks simultaneously with the Statue.
Bugs Bunny: {fading out} That's what he said. He said that. That's what he said. He said that. That's what he said.
(ending music playing) 
The cartoon ends as Bugs rips the drum apart while eating his carrot. 
Bugs Bunny: *(munching)* "And that's the end!" 
Category:Transcripts