Michael's Botched Phrases

Michael considers himself to be an eloquent, witty, and entertaining public speaker. However, throughout the series he botches the delivery and use of common phrases and idioms.
==Season 1==
*In "Pilot", Michael misprounounces "incalculable" as "incalculacable".
*In "Diversity Day," Michael says 'colored' greens instead of collard greens (referring to colored people).
==Season 2==
*In "The Fight"
**Michael uses the term "catch-22" incorrectly after hearing Ryan use it.
**Michael threatens Dwight by saying "two hits, me punching you and you hitting the floor." The correct phrase (me hitting you...) is said by Emilio Estevez in The Breakfast Club. This may be where Michael heard it first.
*In "Christmas Party," Michael says that he got a Christmas bonus worth "three thousand g's," instead of just saying "3 g's." 
*In "Booze Cruise," Michael mispronounces "nebulous" as "nebulose."
*In "Michael's Birthday," Michael says to Pam that her breasts are "ticking time bags" (time bombs).
*In "Casino Night:"
**Michael says that he considers himself a great "philanderer", instead of "philanthropist."
**Michael says that he is going to "drop a deuce on everyone" by bringing two dates to the party; the correct expression is "drop a bomb on everyone." "Dropping a deuce" is a slang reference to having a bowel movement.
==Season 3==
*In "Gay Witch Hunt," Michael, to prove his opening mindedness toward homosexuality, claims to Jan that he watches "Queer as F***" instead of Queer as Folk.
*In "The Convention," 
**Michael says to Jim "The Progidal [sic]... my son returns", which should be "The prodigal son returns."
**Michael asks Dwight to get the dirt on Josh and see if he has any "Skeletons in his attic." instead of skeletons in his closet.
**In a talking head, Michael says that a real relationship "should just come about effort-lend-lessly" instead of "effortlessly".
*In "Branch Closing", Michael says "documenter-an" instead of "documentarian".
*In "The Merger," Michael says "egregious" instead of "outrageous".
*In "Traveling Salesmen," Michael speaks of Dwight's betrayals in a talking head segment- "You know what they say: fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice... strike three" combining the phrase "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me" with a common baseball metaphor about the amount of mistakes made by someone that will be tolerated.
*In "Ben Franklin",
** Michael says "epiphery" instead of "epiphany".
** Michael says, "I am instituting prima nocta," unaware of what it actually means. Michael also believes that Benjamin Franklin was president of the United States.
*In "Phyllis' Wedding," Michael's speech confuses "wedding" with "welding" and "metals" with "medals".
*In "Cocktails", Michael says "early worm gets the worm" instead of "the early bird gets the worm".
*In "The Negotiation," Michael says to Jan, "It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. "Everyone here is extremely gruntled." Michael's use of the word 'gruntled' is actually correct, however unusual.
*In "Safety Training", Michael takes the safety guidebook from Toby and says "sedimentary lifestyle" instead of "sedentary lifestyle".
*While filming his apology video in "Product Recall", Michael defends his honor by declaring, "It wasn't me (who put the obscene watermark on our paper). They are trying to make me an escape goat" instead of scapegoat.
*In "Women's Appreciation," Michael misspelled the word "respect" as "R-E-S-P-svee-T". Michael also asks if Meredith has a "crescent allen", conflating an allen wrench (also known as a hex key) and a crescent wrench.
*In a deleted scene from "The Job", Michael says "home is where the hardest" instead of "home is where the heart is." Michael also says "Gluetooth" instead of "Bluetooth" to David Wallace.
==Season 4==
*In "Fun Run",
**Michael says he is not superstitious but "a little stitious".
**He says that hitting Meredith on company property with company property is "double jeopardy, so we're fine".
**He says that the Bible says that "forgiveness is next to godliness", when in fact, it says that cleanliness is next to godliness.
**He misinterprets "5 km" (5 kilometers) to mean 5,000 thousand miles.
*In "Dunder Mifflin Infinity", Michael says "the country which is currently known as formerly Yugoslavia".
*In "Local Ad," he mispronounces "coup" as "coop."
*In "Survivor Man",
** Michael says Broken Mountain instead of Brokeback Mountain.
** When cutting his pants, Michael watches out for his "corroded artery" instead of "carotid artery". This is double-confused, because the carotid artery is in the neck, not the leg.
*In "The Deposition",
**Michael thinks The Plaintiff is a legal thriller movie.
**Michael says "predominant" instead of "predetermined".
**Michael misinterprets the word "ambivalent" as some sort of compliment.
*In "Dinner Party,"
**Michael says "make yourself to home."
**Michael says the wine has an "oaky afterbirth" instead of "aftertaste."
**He says, "When in Rome" (do as the Romans do) when Jan mentions dinner time Spain. This doesn't make sense because they're not in Spain.
*In "Chair Model," Michael says '"Wish I could, but I can’t. Well can, but won’t. Should, maybe, but shorn’t" when Andy and Kevin tell Michael they need to call the 5 families to get their parking spots back. Michael then says to Kevin, "What part of shorn’t don’t you understand, Kevin?"
*In "Night Out," Michael says "T.D.B." instead of "T.B.D." (short for "to be determined").
*In "Job Fair",
**Michael says "euthanize" thinking it means "to make youthful."
**Michael says "migraine worker" instead of "migrant worker". Also he says this to an American schoolboy, who cannot be a migrant worker in his own country.
**In a deleted scene, Michael says "gluetooth" instead of "Bluetooth."
**In a deleted scene, Michael says "Out of great tragedy is the mother of invention" instead of "Necessity is the mother of invention."
* In "Goodbye Toby", Michael says "n3p" instead of "mp3".
==Season 5==
*In "Business Ethics", Michael says "catharctic".
*In "Customer Survey", Michael misreads "smug" as "smudge".
*In "Frame Toby", Michael says "Just seems awfully mean. But sometimes the ends justify the mean," instead of "sometimes the ends justify the means."
*In "The Surplus,"
**he says that the office chairs are "urkelnomical" (ergonomic).
**he says "x-axix" instead of "x-axis".
*In "The Duel", Michael says "improversation", combining the words "improv" and "conversation".
*In a talking-head interview in "Prince Family Paper", Michael states that "The business world is a doggy-dog world." instead of "dog eat dog world."
*In "Stress Relief:"
**Michael and Dwight have a short discussion over the correct use of the term, "Take heed of" both suggesting the correct terminology is, "Hed," "Hedded" and "Take hedded of," before Michael corrects himself and Dwight.
**Michael says "No rest for the sick." He is incorrectly quoting a well known biblical expression, "No rest for the wicked," or perhaps "No rest for the weary," another common idiom.
**Michael misinterprets 35 hundred dollars to mean five thousand three hundred. 
**Jim recounts Michael once saying: "Cut off your nose to spider-face," instead of the phrase "Cut off your nose to spite your face."
**Michael says "personnel day" instead of "personal day".
**When he returns to the office and explains that he tried to feed the pigeons in the park, he says they "Must have flown West for the winter", instead of "flown South," which is a behavior common to migratory birds in North America. However Michael's statement is doubly wrong because pigeons are not migratory birds.
*In "Golden Ticket," Michael says "profiligate," instead of propagate, perhaps confusing it with profligate or proliferate.
*In "New Boss:"
**he accuses someone of being hypercritical instead of hypocritical
**he says "tell him to call me ASAP as possible." ASAP is an acronym that stands for "as soon as possible," making Michael's statement redundant,
**he says "segway" instead of "segue".
*In "Two Weeks," Michael says "I'm going to stay up all day, sleep up all night" mixing up that saying "stay up all night and sleep up all day".
* In "Dream Team," Michael says "You know what they say, keep your friends close." He omits the second part of the phrase about keeping ones enemies closer.
*In "Broke," Michael says to Charles Miner and David Wallace "How the turntables." (How the tables have turned.). In this same episode he says "our balls are in your court" (the ball is in your court).
*In "Casual Friday," Michael says "I am not to be truffled with" instead of "trifled." He also says "frontwards," which is technically a word, but is childish and typically unused.
*In "Cafe Disco",
** Michael mispronounces "espresso" as "expresso". Later, Michael says that that Cafe Disco has "all-you-can-eat espresso", pronouncing 'espresso' correctly, but mistakenly using the phrase "all you can eat" to describe a drink.
** Michael says "gotta keep yourself dehydrated", contrary to the conventional advice to remain "hydrated".
*In "Company Picnic," Michael misreads the word "soulmates" as "soup snakes."
==Season 6==
*In "Gossip", Michael says "anorexatic" (anorexic).
*In "The Promotion", Michael says "enliven" (enlighten).
*In "Koi Pond" (deleted scene), Michael says "country pumpkin" (country bumpkin).
*In "Double Date", Michael says "inappropriosity".
* In "Secret Santa," Michael says
** to Stanley, "You're going to H - E - L - L - double hockey sticks." (H - E - double hockey sticks)
** to David, that Jesus "can heal leopards" (lepers), "has the power of flight" (walking in water, possibly) and that Phyllis has "uslurped" (usurped) his role as Santa
* In "The Delivery:"
**Michael says that Pam is "contrapting" (contracting).
**Michael says that the chances of [Jim and Pam] getting together were "insurmountainable" (insurmountable).
*In "St. Patrick's Day," Michael says "fool disclosure" (full disclosure). And he says to Jo Bennett "Morning, honey...pile" instead of just saying "honey."
* In "New Leads," Michael says "You're all successories!"(accessories). Successories, perhaps coincidentally, is a producer and retailer of motivational office decorations, like posters with quotes.
* In "Happy Hour," Michael says "I say dance, they say how high!" The correct expression is "I say jump, they say how high."
*In "Body Language," Michael says "I have your baguette." (barrette).
*In "The Cover Up," after Pam explains that "running amok" means out of control, Michael later uses it, "It's too late to undo it. I need to know. Otherwise this thing is going to spiral out of amok.", when he should have said out of control.
* In "The Whistleblower,"
**He announces that the office is at "DEFCON 5" as to say they're in crisis, even though DEFCON 5 is the lowest of all the levels. 
**Michael says to Pam "My mind is going a mile an hour." (a mile a minute).
**Michael refers to Angela as Andy's "spermed lover" (spurned).
==Season 7==
* In "Nepotism," Michael says:
** "This is like a witch hunt. This is like "The Blair Witch Hunt Project"." (referring to the 1999 film The Blair Witch Project)
** "There are many different schools of thought on capital punishment." (corporal punishment)
* In "Counseling," Michael claims he was probed by an "alien life force," as opposed to "alien life form." 
*In "Sex Ed", Michael misspells herpes "H-I-R-P-E-E-S".
* In "Costume Contest," Michael says Darryl "backstabs people in the back" (backstabs people or stabs people in the back).
* In "Ultimatum", Michael says, "A day which will live in famously" instead of "in infamy".
*In "Threat Level Midnight", Michael says "intregral to the story" instead of "integral".
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