Judge Buck/Transcript

(Intro)
Mia: Nut! Why are all these people here?
Nut: One of them's going to be your substitute. It's the judge for a day raffle sweepstakes!
Mia: Thanks, Nut, you're a life saver, that judge convention just can't wait. I'll be back the day after tomorrow.
[Mia exits]
Nut: Everyone, it's time to choose the raffle winner!
[Crowd cheers]
Nut: Who's number 18,755?
[Buck enters]
Buck: Guuuuuuuullll! That's me! I win! I win, I win, I win!
Nut: Buck? You can't be the judge, you're not suited for the job!
Buck: Are you kidding? I'm the ONLY one for this job!
[Turdsley enters]
Turdsley: Buck...[sniff]...when you're a judge, [sniff], be sure to remember the little people! [runs away crying].
[Turdsley exits]
Buck: Mmmmmm...Judge Buck; I like the sound of that!
[Buck exits]
Nut: Well, at least it's just one day...
Announcer: The next day!
Nut: The case is about to start, where is he?
[Buck enters]
Buck: Hey, assistantypoo
Nut: Where have you been?! You're 2 hours late!
Buck: Judges get whatever they want, right? So I decided to sleep in. Oh, the reminds me! Assistant, get me my coffee. I take a black, 5 sugars.
Nut: Hey, I'm not your slave!
Buck: But I'm the judge now; that means I get whatever I want! 'know what I mean? Yuk yuk yuk!
[Buck gets in judge's seat]
Buck: Mmmmm! Comfy!
Nut: Do you even know what a judge does?
Buck: Uhhhh...they sit in this chair and give orders, right? Like a king?
Nut: Uhhh! No, they judge cases!
Buck: Yawn. Hey! Where's my coffee?!
Nut: Uhhhh...
[Nut goes and gets coffee]
Nut: Here's your coffee, Judge Buck
Buck: [slurps coffee] Puuuhhh! I said I'd take a BLACK FIVE SUGARS!
[throws coffee cup at Nut]
Nut: You know, Buck, I've been thinking...maybe you're not...the best person for this job.
Buck: Whatev. It can't be that hard, I mean, if Mia can do it, anyone can.
Nut: Grrrrr! Oh, the case is starting!
Anouncer: Yuk y-y-yuk yuk yuuuuk!
Nut: All rise for Judge...Buck...
Announcer: Elmer is suing Hipper, for making fun of his face in public!
Nut: Psst, Buck. First you gotta get the details on why Elmer is suing Hipper.
Buck: I will once you get me some phonebooks! I can't see anything over this desk!
Nut: Grrrr...here!
[Nut puts phonebook under Buck]
Buck: Mmmm! Comfy on my tushy! Oh, ready...uh, what was the case again?
Elmer: I'm suing Hipper, because she made fun of my face in public.
Buck: Guuuulll! I never would have guessed! YUK yuk yuk!
Elmer: [stunned face]
[crowd gasps]
Hipper: Exactly my point. It's hard not to make fun!
Elmer: You guys! Look, judge, she was really mean! She said it looked like I had 2 golf balls resting on my head!
Hipper: Fore! [punches Elmer in the face]
Elmer: [crying] See? That was horrible!
Buck: Actually, no, the joke was subtle and perfectly timed.
Hipper: Finally, someone understands my passion!
Nut: Uh, Buck? I'd advise you to lay low on the insults...
Elmer: [criyng] ...You're the worst judge ever!
[crowd gasps]
Nut: Oh no, I can't watch!
Buck: SHHHHHUUUUUUUTTTTT UUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!
[commercial break]
Announcer: Elmer is suing Hipper, for making fun of his face in public
Nut: Buck! You're letting this substitute judge thing get to your head!
Buck: Nonsense!...excecute Elmer
[crowd gasps]
Hipper: Oh ho ho ho!
Elmer: Aaahhh! AaaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Nut: No, Buck, you can't do this!
Buck: I just did!
[guillotine noises]
Buck: Now get me some graham crackers and apple juice or you're fired! All in a day's work. Yuk yuk yuk yuk!
==Buck's Lil' World==
Buck: Remember, kids. Be responsible!
Queen Kong: Buck! I'm going out for the afternoon and I want your room cleaned when I get back, you hear?
Buck: Okay, Mom!
Announcer: That night!
[Queen Kong looks at Buck's messy room]
Queen Kong: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!
[video game sounds]
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