Joan Callamezzo TV Stars Hawaii Convos

NOTE: Countless interviews were held in main chat. These are only the private segments.
==Audrey Jackson==
[21:12] <JoanCallamezzo> Hi, I'm Joan Callamezzo reporting for Pawnee Today. :^)
[21:12] <JoanCallamezzo> I heard you may have won a competition of some sort!
[21:12] <JoanCallamezzo> As Pawnee Today's iconic anchor - Joan Callamezzo - it's my journalistic duty to interview you on all of the details. :^D
[21:12] <JoanCallamezzo> I followed a few aspects of the competition myself, actually.
[21:12] <JoanCallamezzo> It seems like you were searching for...keys?
[21:13] <AudreyJackson> Yes.
[21:13] <JoanCallamezzo> Tell me, what was your secret to success? :^OO
[21:13] <AudreyJackson> Hard work.
[21:13] <JoanCallamezzo> Hmhm, there MUST be something more than THAT!
[21:13] <AudreyJackson> Listen, I know how the press is- they look for the bad in anything you say, and twist your words.
[21:13] * JoanCallamezzo leans in with microphone
[21:13] <AudreyJackson> I'm not giving any more.
[21:13] <JoanCallamezzo> Tell me, Aubrey, what was the REAL reason for your success?
[21:13] <JoanCallamezzo> Drugs?
[21:13] <JoanCallamezzo> Performance enhancing steroids?
[21:13] <JoanCallamezzo> Maximum caffeine?
[21:13] <AudreyJackson> If you've seen any I have to arrest anyone who is using them.
[21:14] <AudreyJackson> And my name is Audrey.
[21:14] <AudreyJackson> Officer Jackson to you.
[21:14] <JoanCallamezzo> Okay, Laundrey, it was nice talking to you.
[21:14] <JoanCallamezzo> I WILL get something out of you one of these days.
[21:14] * JoanCallamezzo laughs
[21:58] <AudreyJackson> Joan, here.
[21:58] <AudreyJackson> I'll give you some info if you tell me how the vote is going tonight.
[21:59] <JoanCallamezzo> Well, Audacity, I have absolutely no idea how the vote is going tonight!
[21:59] <JoanCallamezzo> But, if you can guide me on how to eliminate one of the SATANIST CULT, I'll gladly leave it off the record.
[21:59] <JoanCallamezzo> ;^)
[21:59] <AudreyJackson> Satanist Cult?
[21:59] <JoanCallamezzo> The one with Greed and Doug, the one everyone walked into.
[21:59] <JoanCallamezzo> The big SATANIST CULT who were sacrificing a human soul!
[21:59] <AudreyJackson> Okay, Doug then.
[22:00] <JoanCallamezzo> Thanks for agreeing with me.
[22:19] <AudreyJackson> Let me know if you hear my name, okay?
[22:19] <JoanCallamezzo> Well, I would, Audio, but no one talks to me except you!
[22:19] <JoanCallamezzo> :^)
[22:19] * JoanCallamezzo laughs
[22:19] <JoanCallamezzo> That's alright, though.
[22:20] <JoanCallamezzo> I conduct more than enough interviews in the wide open public!
[22:20] <AudreyJackson> Okay.
[22:29] <AudreyJackson> Have you got any new info?
[22:30] <JoanCallamezzo> doug mnight vote greed
[22:30] <AudreyJackson> You know...
[22:30] <AudreyJackson> I'm a cop.
[22:30] <AudreyJackson> I control chaos.
[22:30] <AudreyJackson> So why not create it?
[22:30] <JoanCallamezzo> Doug might be voting for Greed, but that's all I've heard!
[22:30] <AudreyJackson> Okay!
[22:30] <JoanCallamezzo> Well, that's certainly a juicy tidbit.
[22:30] <JoanCallamezzo> Creating chaos is something I do best, since I do RULE this town.
[22:31] <AudreyJackson> Vote Doug.
[22:31] <AudreyJackson> I will RSVP Greed.
[22:31] <JoanCallamezzo> I thought I told you that I cannot vote!
[22:31] * JoanCallamezzo laughs
[22:31] <AudreyJackson> Oh, right.
[22:51] * JoanCallamezzo sobs
[22:51] <JoanCallamezzo> I lOST my EarpICe becUAse of STUpid Redd!
[22:52] <AudreyJackson> He has to go next.
[22:52] <AudreyJackson> I do not trust him at all.
[22:52] <AudreyJackson> Hmm, who woulda thought... The media and the police agree for once?
[23:10] <AudreyJackson> Should I play RSVP?
[23:12] <JoanCallamezzo> I'm not sure about that one, Abbreviation.
[23:13] <JoanCallamezzo> After all, you didn't get ANY votes last time.
[23:13] * JoanCallamezzo laughs
[23:20] <AudreyJackson> What was your first clue?
[23:20] <JoanCallamezzo> There is secretly a trapdoor in the house that leads into a basement. This never-before-seen place is only accessible if the Celebrities can solve the puzzle and get the correct password.
[23:21] <JoanCallamezzo> Psst...keep this between you and me. You are a part of very few people in this house who are being told this specific secret. If you can solve the puzzles and crack the codes, you will be given something game changing.
[23:21] <AudreyJackson> We have different secrets!
[23:21] * JoanCallamezzo gasps
[23:21] <JoanCallamezzo> How wonderful!
[23:21] <AudreyJackson> You can get a RSVP.
[23:21] * JoanCallamezzo laughs
[23:21] <AudreyJackson> What rooms have you guessed?
[23:21] <JoanCallamezzo> It's a shame I promised not to interview you ever again.
[23:21] <JoanCallamezzo> Oh, just the portable shower.
[23:21] <JoanCallamezzo> I've forgotten all about it.
[23:22] <JoanCallamezzo> You know, journalists always lead such busy lives.
[23:22] <AudreyJackson> There's a portable shower...?
[23:22] <AudreyJackson> Anyway, whatever, let's vote Doug.
[23:22] <JoanCallamezzo> I definitely agree! :^)
[23:22] <AudreyJackson> :)
[23:22] <JoanCallamezzo> I'm all for eliminating the SATANIST!
==Linda (of Bob and Linda)==
[21:17] <JoanCallamezzo> Hi, Linda, I'm Joan Callamezzo from Pawnee Today!
[21:17] <Bob_and_Linda> Ooh, like a newspaper!?
[21:17] <Bob_and_Linda> How fun!
[21:17] <JoanCallamezzo> Now, I understand you may be a bit - intoxicated ;^) - but I need to ask you a few questions!
[21:18] <Bob_and_Linda> I'm not drunk!
[21:18] <JoanCallamezzo> What is your opinion on the recent revelation that you're an ALCOHOLIC?
[21:18] * Bob_and_Linda glugs wine.
[21:18] <Bob_and_Linda> Excuse me!?
[21:18] <Bob_and_Linda> I'm not alcoholic, hunny.
[21:18] <Bob_and_Linda> Bobby, tell him!
[21:18] * JoanCallamezzo laughs
[21:18] <Bob_and_Linda> *her!
[21:18] <JoanCallamezzo> Then what is that bottle of wine doing in your hand, Ms. Linda?
[21:18] <JoanCallamezzo> Gotcha!
[21:18] <Bob_and_Linda> THis is....
[21:18] <Bob_and_Linda> empty!
[21:18] * JoanCallamezzo listens to her earpiece
[21:18] <JoanCallamezzo> This will make for a great headline.
[21:19] <JoanCallamezzo> Drunkards in Hawaii - a heartbreaking and revealing piece on the social sins of America, even overseas!
[21:19] <Bob_and_Linda> Look, you, just get outta here!
[21:19] * Bob_and_Linda dizzily pushes Joan
[21:19] <JoanCallamezzo> Thank you for your time, and I hope you can get help with your addiction.
[21:19] <Bob_and_Linda> Hmph.
[21:19] * Bob_and_Linda burps
==Greed/Ling-Yao==
[21:34] <JoanCallamezzo> Hi, I'm Joan Callamezzo, reporting for Pawnee Today!
[21:34] <JoanCallamezzo> Now, you've recently had a cult meeting be EXPOSED.
[21:35] <JoanCallamezzo> What were your first thoughts when people wandered into your secret, forbidden meeting?
[21:38] <JoanCallamezzo> What are YOUR real opinions on this statement from your fellow cult member, Doug Dimmadome?
[21:38] <JoanCallamezzo> [21:36] <DougDimmadome> greed came to me and said He would slit my throat if i *tears flow down eyes" didn't join
[21:38] <Greeling|LingYao> I wasn't part of any cult
[21:38] * JoanCallamezzo plays soundbyte
[21:38] <Greeling|LingYao> I'm Ling Yao, heir to the royal throen of Xing!
[21:38] <JoanCallamezzo> Ooh, is that true?
[21:38] <Greeling|LingYao> Greed and I are two separate beings
[21:38] <Greeling|LingYao> Please, you have to beleive me.
[21:38] * JoanCallamezzo laughs
[21:38] <JoanCallamezzo> I find that a little hard to believe!
[21:39] <Greeling|LingYao> See
[21:39] <JoanCallamezzo> Have you considered seeking help for your untreated DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER?
[21:39] <Greeling|LingYao> Greed's a homunculus!
[21:39] <Greeling|LingYao> That means he's immortal!
[21:39] <Greeling|LingYao> i let him inside my body so I could be immortal too!
[21:39] <Greeling|LingYao> ^^;
==Doug Dimmadome==
[21:35] <JoanCallamezzo> Hi, I'm Joan Callamezzo, reporting for Pawnee Today!
[21:35] <JoanCallamezzo> Now, you've recently had a cult meeting be EXPOSED.
[21:35] <JoanCallamezzo> What were your first thoughts when people wandered into your secret, forbidden meeting?
[21:35] <DougDimmadome> greed pushed me into it
[21:35] <DougDimmadome> he made me change the name
[21:36] <JoanCallamezzo> Is that all there is to the story?
[21:36] <JoanCallamezzo> Hmhm, I believe not!
[21:36] <JoanCallamezzo> :^O
[21:36] <JoanCallamezzo> Dig a little deeper.
[21:36] <JoanCallamezzo> Give the viewers at home some RAW emotion.
[21:36] <DougDimmadome> greed came to me and said He would slit my throat if i *tears flow down eyes" didn't join
[21:38] <JoanCallamezzo> Ooh, wow.
[22:27] <DougDimmadome> Joan, who to vote?
[22:28] <JoanCallamezzo> I don't know, Doug!
[22:29] <JoanCallamezzo> Why don't you tell me?? :^)
[22:29] <JoanCallamezzo> Even though I'm unable to, since I won the Hawaiian ritual game.
[22:29] * JoanCallamezzo laughs
[22:29] <DougDimmadome> greed is teeling me to vote reed
[22:30] <JoanCallamezzo> Well, I would assume you want to extract your vengeance after he THREATENED YOU WITH DEATH to enter his SATANIC CULT, don't you?
[22:30] <DougDimmadome> yeah, I guess.
==Conspiracy Walnut==
[00:12] <conspiracywalnut> Ey, Crazy Camera Guy
[00:12] <conspiracywalnut> Who ya voting?
[00:12] <JoanCallamezzo> Well, Walnut, I'm still casting my vote for that awfully annoying son of a bitch Reed! :^D
[00:12] <JoanCallamezzo> No one messes with MY mouthpiece and gets away with it.
[00:12] <JoanCallamezzo> But, what about...YOU?
[00:12] * JoanCallamezzo leans in with mic
[00:12] <conspiracywalnut> Oh that soungs chill
[00:12] <JoanCallamezzo> Tell me, what are YOUR thoughts on this whole Hawaiian culture ritual of voting?
[00:12] <conspiracywalnut> I might do the same
[00:12] <conspiracywalnut> who knows
[00:13] <JoanCallamezzo> How will you participate??
[00:13] <conspiracywalnut> Man it's p chill
[00:13] <JoanCallamezzo> What's the perspective of a pot addict?
[00:13] <conspiracywalnut> I just go with the flow
[00:13] * JoanCallamezzo smiles uncomfortably at the camera
[00:13] <conspiracywalnut> Ya just gotta let life take the reigns
[00:13] <conspiracywalnut> and chill
[00:13] <JoanCallamezzo> I still need an answer! :^D
[00:13] <conspiracywalnut> You wanna smoke man
[00:13] <conspiracywalnut> You seem stressed
[00:13] * JoanCallamezzo smiles
[00:13] <JoanCallamezzo> Don't make me vote for YOU, young man!
[00:13] <conspiracywalnut> But nah, my perspective is like whatever
[00:13] <conspiracywalnut> Like for most stuff
[00:13] <JoanCallamezzo> Well...
[00:13] <conspiracywalnut> it's just whatever
[00:13] * JoanCallamezzo turns to camera
[00:14] <JoanCallamezzo> I'm Joan Callamezzo, with an exclusive interview with THE Hawaiian MARIJUANA ADDICT!
[00:14] <JoanCallamezzo> Here on Pawnee Today, the abroad project in Hawaii continues as we interview some lovely natives!
[00:14] <conspiracywalnut> Oh
[00:14] <conspiracywalnut> YOu wanna interview me?
[00:14] <conspiracywalnut> Sweet
[00:14] <JoanCallamezzo> How will YOU be partaking in the Hawaiian "cancellation" festival?
[00:14] <JoanCallamezzo> Come on, don't leave the viewers waiting, now! :^D
[00:15] <conspiracywalnut> Um
[00:15] <conspiracywalnut> I'll be smoking weed I guess
[00:15] <conspiracywalnut> *smokes weed*
[00:25] <conspiracywalnut> Dude, thoughts on the seal kicker?
[00:28] <JoanCallamezzo> Anyways, now that I've won the challenge and cannot vote...
[00:28] <JoanCallamezzo> I think that she's an AWFUL RACIST BIGOT who should be eliminated as soon as possible!
[00:28] * JoanCallamezzo laughs
[00:28] <JoanCallamezzo> But what about YOU, Walnut?
[00:28] * JoanCallamezzo leans in with mic
[00:28] <JoanCallamezzo> What do YOU think?
[00:29] <conspiracywalnut> i
[00:29] <conspiracywalnut> I
[00:29] <conspiracywalnut> SHE JUST KILLED IT
[00:29] <conspiracywalnut> WE CAN'T LED MURDERS ROAM AROUND HERE
[00:29] <JoanCallamezzo> I know! She's a RACIST ANIMAL MURDERER!
[00:29] <conspiracywalnut> I SMOKE WEED BUT I DON'T HURT NO ONE
[00:29] <conspiracywalnut> PLEASE WE GOTTA DO SOMETHIN MAN
[00:32] <JoanCallamezzo> Well, you may be a MARIJUANA ADDICT --
[00:32] * JoanCallamezzo turns to the camera and says, "Did you get that?"
[00:32] <JoanCallamezzo> -- but since I can't vote, YOU have to do the work.
[01:21] <conspiracywalnut> we get Reed is a major threat man
[01:21] <conspiracywalnut> The only threat to you
[01:21] <conspiracywalnut> We can totally get him out now man
[01:21] <JoanCallamezzo> Oh, trust me, Walnut - I'd LOVE to help.
[01:22] <JoanCallamezzo> In more ways than one - I'd love to see you get over your unfortunate, heartbreaking POT ADDICTION.
[01:22] <JoanCallamezzo> But...I won the challenge!
[01:22] <conspiracywalnut> SHit man
[01:22] <conspiracywalnut> SOrry
[01:22] <JoanCallamezzo> :^(
[01:22] <conspiracywalnut> Everything is just a haze for me
[01:27] <conspiracywalnut> Save me Joan! Save a poor stoner
==Lady Rainicorn==
00:59] <LadyRainicorn_> annyeonghaseyo ! dangsin-eun jeonglyeol hasigessseubnikka?
[00:59] <LadyRainicorn_> naega simhage pateuneo leul pil-yolo ojeon chamjo . ^_^ :D
[00:59] * JoanCallamezzo laughs
[00:59] <JoanCallamezzo> Wow!
[00:59] <JoanCallamezzo> Look at this creature!
[00:59] <JoanCallamezzo> Get the cameras rolling!
[00:59] * JoanCallamezzo clears throat
[00:59] <JoanCallamezzo> Hi, I'm Joan Callamezzo reporting LIVE for Pawnee Today!
[00:59] <LadyRainicorn_> naneun dangsin-i i jean-eul bad-adeul-i balabnida. ulineun gaeleul alae pyoibnida. a geugeon geunyang naleul jeikeu saeng-gag haessda.
[00:59] <LadyRainicorn_> :(
[01:00] <JoanCallamezzo> I'm here conversing with a unique creature who appears to only be able to speak in a native Hawaiian language.
[01:00] <JoanCallamezzo> If any of you Pawneeans out there can speak this elusive tongue, I guess you'll know what's REALLY happening in Hawaii!
[01:00] <JoanCallamezzo> :^D
[01:00] <JoanCallamezzo> Thanks for your time!
[01:00] <LadyRainicorn_> bojeong, naneun hangug-eoleul.
[01:00] <LadyRainicorn_> geuligo yeong-eo do nae yeogja... ttoneun gibonjeog eulo eotteon eon-eo .