Lamenter Til' I Die

Lamenter Til' I Die is the twelfth and last episode of Fantendo Fragments's first season, and is written by . The episode is centered around Reten, The Lamenters, and how Reten arrived in the New Fantendoverse
Reception for the episode has been (TBA) thus far.
==Transcript==
The camera scans over a futuristic city, all seems peaceful until one of the skyscrapers just straight up fucking explodes. It then cuts to a earthen military SUV driving through the wreckage, small spacecrafts firing at it from above. An armoured dog is seen behind an LMG, firing at them from below.
A ding is heard.
Computer: Leaderboard Update! MAD DOG is now at POSITION NUMBER ONE!
Mad Dog: Badaboom!
Another building explodes nearby, from the wreckage flies an armoured harley motorcycle, driven by a scruffy orange beorn. The bike lands next to the SUV and fires a grenade back, taking down one of the spacecraft.
Computer: Leaderboard Update! RETEN is now at POSITION NUMBER ONE!
Reten: Badaboom. That was what, 15 kills?
Mad Dog glares at Reten as he drives up a ramp into the SUV.
Mad Dog: The only reason you’re getting all these kills is because you have no self-preservation! You just run in and it somehow works!
Reten: Wanna know why it always works?
Mad Dog: ...Enlighten me.
Mad Dog shoots down one of the starships which crashes onto the roof, nobody seems to notice.
Reten: I don’t think about it.
Mad Dog: I’m sorry...what?
Reten: If you think too hard about what could go wrong it’ll happen. But if you just rush in before you can even think then you’ll be instinctually fighting for your survival. It works.
Mad Dog: ...You’re a fucking moron.
A heavily armoured figure who had been driving the SUV the entire time turns around.
Primeval Thorn: You two. Shut the fuck up. Don’t make me turn this SUV around.
The SUV hits a landmine and goes flying, rolling into an open strip of land outside some sort of military compound. The passengers all crawl out, dazed.
Reten: Ugh...Nice driving, Thorn.
Thorn kicks open the driver’s seat and climbs out.
Thorn: Blow me. The street was barely wide enough to even drive on, let alone swerve around anything.
Several starships begin filing in, surrounding the area. Foot soldiers train their guns on the mercenaries, who are all filing out of the wrecked SUV.
Thorn: Methinks its time to let the bird out of his cage.
Reten: On it.
Reten runs over to the van, hopping onto its side and rapping on the passenger’s door.
Reten: Yo! Cordial! There’s cannon fodder to kill!
Reten hops off as the door is blown open by a torrent of fire. A long-haired man pops his head up, holding a glass of wine.
Cardinal: The name’s Cardinal...you swine.
One of the soldiers steps forward with a megaphone.
UPF Soldier: Halt universal residents! You are under arrest for interfering in UPF Business! Put all of your weapons and electronics into a pile and walk forward slo-
Cardinal walks past him, stretching his arms and rolling his shoulders. The UPF Soldier attempts to stop him and is ignored.
Cardinal: Look guys. I’m a bit sleepy so if you could just...fuck off instead of having me kill you I’d ‘preciate it.
Reten’s eyes dart around, seeing the soldiers all gearing up to fire. He quickly flicks the safety’s on his pistols and slowly begins walking backwards.
After a second of silence, hell breaks loose. Gunfire rings out from the UPF Soldiers, Reten and Mad Dog as Cardinal fires torrents of fire. Thorn unsheathes her two Sickles and runs directly into the enemy, becoming a tornado of metal and blood. The camera then cuts to a purple-haired woman running up to a hulking robot walking through some sort of military compound.
Pvt. Auvic: Commander KiloBot sir, you requested an update on the Huxxabu Siege?
Omega KiloBot: Indeed I did, what's the news, Private?
Pvt. Auvic: There’s trouble on ground zero sir. The Huxxabu Military weren’t much of an opposition but they appeared to have hired a mercenary group and excuse my primitive french sir but... it has the infantry scared shitless.
KiloBot sits down at his giant desk and sighs.
Pvt. Auvic: The group who call themselves “The Lamenters”, have managed to keep Huxxabu from being completely under our control for a while now sir. I think we need to send in the Auxiliaries, maybe send in Lockborn or Commander Ret-
Omega Kilobot: No, I’ll go down myself. With a Meta-Form Prime unit.
Auvic looks confused for a moment before clearing her throat and looks back up at her leader.
Pvt. Auvic: If that’s what you think is best sir then I’ll get Unit-3 prepped.
We then cut back to the fight, the UPF Infantry has been severely thinned out thanks to Cardinal, Reten and Primeval Thorn are attempting to tip the SUV back onto its wheels while Mad Dog supplies cover fire. A UPF Black Ops Soldier drops down behind Reten and attempts to snap his neck. Due to the fact that Reten’s neck goes 180 degrees like an owl this just causes Reten to look at him.
Reten: Boo.
UPF Black Ops Soldier: Gah! The Fuck!?
The Black Ops Soldier is clotheslined by a passing Cardinal.
Primeval Thorn: I...didn’t know you could do that.
Reten: Yeah. I found out I could do it after I killed a Giant Owl when I was 8. It was pretty cool.
Primeval Thorn: It is, but this isn’t the time to be trading childhood traumas.
A much larger starship than the ones before drops, landing with Omega Kilobot and a robot. The two make a beeline for the SUV which is slowly moving away with the Lamenters inside. Reten hangs out the back and fires his pistols at the two, who take the gunfire in stride.
Reten: We got a problem. Their fuckin commander just showed up.
Thorn: Kilobot?! He’s behind the van!?
Reten: Yep.
Thorn hits her head against the wheel, causing it to honk. Kilobot attempts to shoot a laser at Reten which he dodges. He returns fire until he realises his puny metal bullets are bouncing off of his armour. He rummages through the back of the van and sticks his head out again, now carrying an RPG launcher. He fires a missile at KiloBot as he fires another laser, the missile knocks the robot over while the laser causes Reten to jump out of the van. The two glare at each other from across the stretch of land as they get to their feet. Something plastic clatters to the floor. Reten staggers over to it and drops to his knees.
Reten: Holy fuck.
The camera turns to reveal it to be a toy of G1 Soundwave from Transformers
Reten: This is Music Label Soundwave!
Thorn pulls the van around and kicks the door open.
Thorn: ..Why the FUCK...is that important?
Reten turns slowly to Thorn.
Reten: Cuz y’see this one is an actual MP3 Player with a MicroSD and every-.
Omega Kilobot: RETEN! BY UPF LA-
Reten: NOBODY ASKED YOU, PRICK!.. Anyway, you can actually play music on it and it was limited edition even before the whole nuke business. Wonder if there are any songs on it…”
Reten continues to fiddle with his new toy as KiloBot walks over. He backends Reten, sending him flying and the Soundwave clattering to the ground, it lands on its play button and begins playing the only song on it.
WICKED STONE
Reten gets back to his feet and touches his face, he looks at his hand to see blood.
Reten: Oh now you’ve fuckin done it, mate.
Last night in paradise
I can feel it down in my bones
Reten dodges a swing from KiloBot and returns with a kick to his metal face. This actually staggers Kilo so he follows it up with a few slashes.
Left the good Lord behind
Now I die on the vine
Waiting for my redemption song.
Kilo roars and fires a laser at Reten who dodges it and returns with a volley of bullets from Heartbreaker.
I am never safe
Just a walking bomb
Reten begins punching him in the face. Kilo drops to his knees and blocks one of the hits, following it up by grabbing Reten by the legs and throwing him to the ground. He tries to fire another laser but Reten rolls out of the way and staggers to his feet. Kilo walks forward and goes to stomp on the Soundwave.
In a midnight rage
And I'm gone
Reten runs at Kilo and tackles him, knocking him a well bit away from Soundwave, once on top of him he slips his claws under his chestplate and begins trying to pry it open. He dodges several wild strikes from Kilo as he does.
I'm getting off this wicked stone 
'Cause I can't stay and I can't deny that
All I want is lost
No I can't face another night on this wicked stone
Reten pulls the plate off, along with several bits of wiring. Kilo screams and feebly attempts to stop Reten, who stands up. Inside of Kilo’s chest is some sort of generator with a black vortex contained in glass inside.
Reten: Alright, c-nt.
He grabs the Soundwave toy and pauses the song.
Reten: You try to kill me? That’s just business. You try to pretend you have authority here? I’m not in a position to tell you not to be delusional. But trying to destroy a guy’s collectible? Dick move, man.
Omega KiloBot: You… You shoot me again, the-the-there’ll be con-con-con-con-con..
Reten: You ok? You sound like my old PS2 discs.
Omega KiloBot: Consequences.
Reten thinks, shrugs and unloads Heartbreaker’s clip into the generator. He walks away as KiloBot folds in on himself, turning into a rift between dimensions.
There’s a second of still, of quiet and peace. And then the rift gains traction.
Reten desperately tries to run from it but is pulled closer and closer to it. The van, a girl, the robot accompanying Kilo and his remains are dragged through.
As Reten falls through all he can see is darkness. He can’t really tell what direction he’s looking in or even if it’s eyes are closed or not. He hears a voice however, for the briefest of moments.
“Dark in ‘ere, innit?”
Then Reten really does close his eyes, and drifts away.
==Reception==
Recepticon is TBA.
==Trivia==
* The Soundwave figure Reten finds is an actual figure, called the Music Label Soundwave. It's pretty cool.
* Every character shown sans Reten and Pvt. Auvic himself was originally a character submitted for the Over Heaven Community Remix, with them being the neotendoverse versions of the characters owned by the submitters.
* both Private Auvic and the mentioned Commander Lockborn were characters introduced during Godspeed. It's unknown if the UPF were always going to have some involvement with Reten or if they were repurposed for Reten's story.