Happy Appy vs Candle Cove

The seemingly helpful Apple on a stick from the dark crevices of Nick Jr.'s past, Happy Appy, raps against the cowardly pirate from the mysterious demented 70's pirate show Candle Cove, Pirate Percy, to see which demented, low-budget children's television program creepypasta is better.
== Cast ==
Naya Berman as Janice (video), Meghan McCarthy as audio
THIS IS IT Collective puppeting the rest of Candle Cove
George Watsky as Pirate Percy (audio)
November Christine as Ms. Laughingstock (audio)
Nice Peter as Happy Appy (audio)
CorridorDigital doing the CGI for Happy Appy, Lee Hardcastle doing the claymation
The Stupendium as Horace Horrible
David Near as The Skin-Taker
Brian Neunhoffer as Mr. Bear (video), EpicMealTime as audio
Beat: Nuke Lunch
== Locations ==
Happy Appy: A playground
Pirate Percy: Ms. Laughingstock
Horace and Skin-Taker: Bravery Cave
Mr. Bear: Mr. Bear's Cellar
== The Battle ==
(Starts at 0:01)
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY
HAPPY APPY
VS
CANDLE COVE
BEGIN!
[Note: Pirate Percy is denoted by italics, Janice and Horace are denoted by underline and Skin-Taker and Laughinstock are denoted by bold.]
=== Candle Cove: ===
(0:15)
Percy, a rotten apple climbed aboard brandishing a knife!
He claims he's healing injured kiddies when he's really taking lives!
M-maybe he can leave us alone if we go ahead and hide...
Oh, don't cower to his death stare, Percy. You have to go inside!
O-okay. I mean, it's not like there's much threat from Appy
Especially when the wiki already knows he's so crappy
With copying tired tropes from everyone, us included, and dragging on,
He wound up like the Twin Towers he predicted and bombed!
Like a Tarantula, I weave a web to tangle up edutainment scraps
So get a Blue's Clue when I take the dub from a Not-So-Happy-Appy-App
Percy Prowls to Hurt Happy; there's better Nick pastas with suicidal squids
Poppy-ing shots off the draw; you're not Welcome on Our Happy Ship
=== Happy Appy: ===
(1:00)
Oh dear, kids, Percy attempted to defend his whole crew
But messed up halfway through. What does he need for his boo-boo?
That's right, a Happy Rappy clap back to leave him feeling gray
'Cause Appy kills the mic as often as he helps kids: all day!
No surprise you're such a Laughingstock when you're scared of everything, man,
Shaking so much, it's like you're in an earthquake in Japan
Barely remembered by the forum and your owner's busy viewing the moon
So I’ll roll up in my white van, come get Janice for you,
And drop her like Isaac Newton, leave her a Dumb Angel like her mom
It’s not just a Mishap when my Monkey Bars drop bombs
That torch you hotter than the ship of the last crew that you were in
And after this, I’ll be the winner that Stick Stickly‘s revealin’!
(Suddenly, static flashes onto the screen and the scene changes to Bravery Cave with the Laughingstock Crew nowhere to be seen; out from the cave comes…)
=== Candle Cove: ===
(1:45)
Enough of this Cry Baby’s Lane, the world’s greatest pirate and sorcererrrrrrr
Swashbuckles with the Annoying Orange reject who flows like bilgewater!
Ye be a ROBLOX-borne fraud while we went on to land on SyFy
But here’s a True Vision: I Get Under Your Skin and have it be the next I grind!
The Skin Taker's Come aboard to Rip this apple a new one
Raps sweet like the caramel I'll candy ye in when I'm done
I’m known to get Macabre sending folks in and out me show to the grave!
Ye’d be lucky to walk the plank when met with me Miserable Slaves
Need no Forenziks to see the imprint ye left was extra fodder for DeviantArt
Televised predictor of disaster and death? Why are we facin' Dead Bart?
This produce can get bent like his stick; could never cut it One Year Close
If we wanted to pick fights with Bad Apples, we’d have just fought with Touhou
=== Happy Appy: ===
(2:27)
So it's not enough knockoff Pennybags is taking over in this bout,
He had to rely on the Skeleton that he himself Popped Out?
Well, no biggie, my knife will leave him looking worse than his prototype
A win for you Zeroes is about as existent as Taker's wife!
And that’s low-hanging fruit to say that my whole story’s fraud shit
'Cause at least adults can see me while you’re dead air just for kids
So here’s a new entry: Gurgles and Bugman here are sapped of their HOPE
When I leave them sleeping with the Rubber Fishes and avenge Milo!
Back to your Abyssal Kingdom, Sans, you and your skeletons should be told
That either as CGI or claymation, it’s hard-hitting cyphers I mold
But now I broke the Jawbones of Samedi’s corpse and this vain villain
When putting scream queen Pirates in their Place, I’m a natural, children!
(Static fades over the video again as the beat changes to Muffler and the background changes to an abandoned farmhouse in the woods; out from it comes none other than…)
=== Mr. Bear: ===
(0:22)
Oh boy, my cellar has new visitors after all this time!
I just want to give them fuzzy hugs and dance with delight!
Oh wait, they only want to focus on their silly rap fight?
Then these fucks will be shown how to party like it’s 1999!
Grimes-y bone daddy knows death magic, but he couldn’t kill the beat?
These scissors will cut your strings; couldn’t bite if you were made of teeth
And Horace holds no Candle in my Cove, so don’t try to verse me
You were demoted from main villain to a bigger Wimp than Percy
Ironic this apple doesn’t know that facing me is fruitless, see
But now I’ll mash him into applesauce; spoooooooons ready?
Your Helper Badges and MS Paint pics completely lack in Soul
And go to show that I refuse to be Follower to this Fallen Angel
I lit up all these Boobies in my appeasement to Satan
Caledon 21 Savage works 4:00 to 9:00 to leave ‘em cold: hibernation!
The police will never know about this recent verbal abuse!
Whew, I feel parched. How about I go get us some orange juice?
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLES-
(Static falls on the video again as the camera zooms out to reveal a TV that gets turned off.)
…