The Simpsons: Hit and Run - Level 2/Transcript

The following is a transcript for the first level of The Simpsons: Hit and Run. (To be completed)
== Transcript ==
Detention Deficit Disorder
Bart talks to Milhouse.
Bart: I gotta get the new Bonestorm or I'll be as uncool as Milhouse!
Milhouse: I'm standing right here, Bart...?
Bart: H-hey, that's great!
Milhouse: You better get outta here, Bart. Principle Skinner's looking for everyone who skipped school today. And when you're caught, it's expulsion, Bart. EXPULSION!
Skinner: I'll get you, Bart! Just like I got Charlie and Nam.
Bart: 'Fraid not!
Skinner: 'Fraid so!
Bart: 'Fraid not!
Skinner: 'Fraid so! Oh, damn your lightning fast wit.
Skinner (when hitting the player):
* I'll educate you a new one...
* Fire in the hole!
* Take that!
Jimbo: Too late, losers! I got the last game. Four-finger discount! Haha... some crazy lady destroyed all the rest.
Bart: When will they learn... video games don't kill people, they just kill their minds!
Weapons of Mass Delinquency
Bart talks to Kearney.
Bart: How am I gonna get that new game?
Kearney: Who cares? Video games are SO late 90s... illegal fireworks are all the rage now. Better make it snappy though, if you wanna be a part of this trend!
Bart talks to Otto.
Bart: One box of your finest quality Chinese frog-launchers, please!
Otto: Here you go, two kilos of Chinese sky candy. They'll blow you away.
Bart enters Moe's Tavern and talks to Moe.
Moe: Sorry Bart, I can't serve booze to a minor. It ain't right.
Bart: I'm here to buy fireworks?
Moe: Oh hell yeah! Hah.
Bart talks to Snake.
One dozen of your best Tiuana (?) toilet-crackers, my good man.
Here you go, kid-dude! Now don't blow your hand off! ... or do! What do I care?
Bart talks to Ralph.
Bart: Ralph! Word in the hood is that you got access to your old man's firework stash.
Ralph: Fireworks make my ears yell!
Bart: Here's some gumdrops. Now make with the works!
Ralph: My daddy's going to put you in jail. Bye!
Wiggum: Fireworks, eh? You're looking at five life-sentences... of community service!
Bart: This is bad, this is bad, this is bad!!
Bart: I fought the law and I won!
Vox Nerduli
Bart talks to Comic Book Guy.
Bart: Hey! Jabba the Fat! You know where I can get a copy of Bonestorm 2?
Comic Book Guy: I have no time to converse with you! I must be the first to register my disgust on the internet, regarding the new McBain film. The action was dismal, and the nudity was frustratingly fleeting - it barely got going.
Bart: Quick, to the Fatmobile! Hahahahahaha.
Comic Book Guy: Yes, I suppose... but must we call it that?
Comic Book Guy: I'm happy to report that your quest for Bonestorm 2 is quite futile. Professor Frink posted a message on my newsgroup – alt.furryanimals.fanfiction.net – that he has bought up all the remaining video games.
Bart: Awwwwohh!
Comic Book Guy: I thank you not to moan in my mid-size vehicle.
Bart 'n' Frink
Bart talks to Professor Frink.
Bart: I gotta play Bonestorm 2, gimme one!
Frink: No can do, my pointy-headed friend. I need the power of video game violence to run my latest invention/monster. If you find me a World War II communication radio and a satellite, then my creation will live and we can play with it and enjoy the frolicking.
Bart: Oh cool! Real violence is WAY better than TV-violence! It's like a level boss come to life! ... now who would have a World War II radio? That guy that sells all those grenades to Nelson might! I better check.
Bart talks to Chief Wiggum.
Bart: Hey! Springfield's lamest! What's the deal?
Wiggum: Didn't you hear? Herman's been robbed. Hey you don't know who did it, do ya'? 'Cause if you did... boy, that would be great.
Bart: Oh no... now where I am I gonna get a radio?
Wiggum: These fresh skid marks leading away from the scene of the crime COULD be a clue. But, who's to say, really.
Bart talks to Snake.
Bart: Hey Snake! What's up?
Snake: Um... do I know you, little dude?
Bart: I need that radio you "borrowed"...?
Snake: No way, little dude! This radio is going to help me score beaucoup de chicks.
Bart: Uh... last time I checked, chicks like fast cars, not vintage electronics. Why don't we race for the radio?
Snake: Oh, I totally agree to your proposal!
Bart: Now to find a satellite dish... who has those anymore? *gasp* I know! White trash!
Better than Beef
Bart talks to Cletus.
Bart: Hey there, Mr. Slack-Jawed Yokel!
Cletus: That be I.
Bart: Can I borrow your satellite dish?
Cletus: Sure. If you help me scoop up my flat meat, sophisticated city-youngster! Those darn revenuers don't like me sellin' roadkill.
Cletus: Now we got to deliver the delicious goods to the buyer. I sure hope they like snake dogs, 'cause I do.
Apu: Please stop what you are doing! No one can sell rotten meat in this town but me.
Bart: Krusty Burgers are made of roadkill?! That explains the tire tracks...
Cletus: Take this satellite dish as a reward. She gets 14 channels! Including the Outhouse channel! Man, I love watching that.
Bart: Thanks, inbred hillbilly.
Cletus: T'weren't nothin'!
Monkey See, Monkey D'oh
Bart talks to Professor Frink.
Frink: You expect me to build a Mark 10 Truckasaurus without a blender? Why don't I just make a Plasmo Clave without a tennis racquet, for clavin' out loud! Now fetch me a blender with the purée and the frappé and the liquefy...
Bart: Now where am I gonna get a blender... *gasp* Doctor Nick! He loves blending grill drinks during surgery!
Bart talks to Dr. Nick.
Bart: Hi, Doctor Nick!
Nick: Hi, everybody!
Bart: You seem like a heavy drinker. Do you have a blender?
Nick: Not now, okay? My monkeys have escaped! Can you catch them for me? I'll be so grateful.
Bart: Why won't the come back to you?
Nick: Because, I have tortured them horribly, silly!
Bart: There's no way I'll be able to fit all those monkeys in my car. I better get a big truck or something.
Bart talks to Homer.
Bart: I need your truck, Homer.
Homer: Why should I give you that?
Bart: Because I love you!
Homer: Hahahaha... pay up, sucker!
Bart: You're charging your own son?!
Homer: Yeah, I guess I am!
Bart talks to Dr. Nick.
Nick: Welcome home, daddy's little angels! Now to put electrodes in your brains!
Cell-Outs
Bart talks to Professor Frink.
Bart: Here's your last doodad... so, can I see the Truckasaurus thing?
Frink: "Yes!"... is a word I would love to be able to say, unfortunately there are too many people using cellphones, and the interference would then cause the monster to malfunction and kill many people, and my insurance is already sky-high with the premiums and the schmemiums.
Frink: Well done, my little sociopath! Guh-hye!
Bart: I like to smash!
Frink: Now there is no chance my Truckasaurus will go on a killing rampage, with the screaming, and the sadness, and the hosing the blood off the robot...
Cutscene
Bart enters the Stadium in the Honor Roller, and pulls up in front of the static and still de-activated Truckasaurus, with a Wasp Camera flying in the air beside it.
Bart: Wow! Truckasaurus is some sort of truck/dinosaur! I never would've guessed!
The lights on the Truckasaurus pop on. It looks down at Bart, snorting and hissing at him, threateningly.
Bart: Uh-oh...
The Truckasaurus roars. Bart tries to escape, he skids around as he tries to get out of the stadium, the Truckasaurus trying to follow, swatting its tail at him but missing him. As Bart drives out of the Stadium, the Truckasaurus spews fire after him, but Bart escapes the blaze. Bart skids to a halt outside the Stadium.
Bart: YES! Everybody do the Bartman!
A big, circular shadow suddenly appears along with a green cone of light, shining on Bart directly from above. Confused, Bart looks around. He looks upwards, and sees four bright rotating green lights above him, and a spiral of green smoke beginning to form. The smoke quickly envelops the Bart and the Honor Roller, and when it clears and the green glow recedes, Bart is no where to be seen, leaving an empty Honor Roller behind. The shadow quickly darts off to the left.