Crimes Against the Audience

Whether in person or online John seems to appear happiest when he's found a way to make his audience just a little uncomfortable; maybe he'll throw things at them, maybe he'll throw them at each other or maybe he'll just pretend to vomit into their mouths.
== Beans ==
So many beans stories. So many.
== Long Crab ==
John really enjoys dumb jokes that annoy chat, one of his current favourites is the joke about lobsters. It goes like this:
People are always telling me "John, John, a lobster is just a really long crab, And I tell them no it isn't because a long crab would just be this Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb"
== Mother Bird / Baby Bird ==
You are a baby bird and you must be fed. Nausea aside, it is a deeply filling meal. Congratulations.
== POV Wank Cam ==
You are now John's penis. He is abusing you. Congratulations.
== Crowd Surfing ==
Description needed please add any specific stories.
== A Prize for the Third Row ==
During a live performance, John walked up to a male audience-member, pointed to the person next to him and said: "Is that your girlfriend?" -- upon responding "yes", he carried her up to the stage, said to the third row "Congratulations, you have won a prize" and proceeded to yeet her into the third row.
A good time was had by all.
This competes with possible examples of the drunkest moment on stage.
== Misuse of Akinator ==
Playing with Aki has been a longstanding twitch show staple for John's 12 Whole PMs Shows, however, it has finally had to be added to this list due to the "Cursed Smegma Clip" which can be found here, however I strongly advise against watching it, unless you wish to feel the need to bleach your eyeballs/brain later in the day.
== Gartic Show ==
The latest addition to Crimes Against the Audience and in direct competition with misuse of Akinator stands Gartic Show a game found here and often played by streamers on twitch with their chat. What makes this tame and entertaining game worthy of Crimes Against the Audience, you may well ask? Well it's not the game itself that is the problem, the problem is how John uses said game. In true John fashion, he takes immense pleasure in providing clues that whilst logical in a certain twisted way, are either heavily doused in sexual references (John can work a crude cock and balls drawing into almost any suggestion) or at least will look like nothing anyone else would associate with the trigger word. One of his favourite things is drawing blowjobs for words like "head" or "blow", and then he will intersperse some that actually make sense because John just adores messing with us. There is nothing he enjoys more than making chat tell him to f off, that makes him get that specific grin that we all love to hate.
Camouflage
== The Baby Head Break Screen ==
For some reason John decided to make a new break screen based off of a gif created by FairfaxZake after a special show. It involved an inflatable sumo costume and the cursed baby head mask. Clip here: Crimes against the audience brb screen View at own risk.
Category:Twitch