Cheese Friends/Transcript

(The episode begins at the Candle Friends’ house, as the Main 4 are having dinner.)
Shaduck: Whoever cooked dinner for today must be the most skilled cook ever!
Candle Man: I know right? Especially considering I was the one who cooked dinner!
Limefong: Jeah, and it’s notable that the laziest man here was the one who actually bothered to make dinner after I did so for two weeks straight.
Mystic: ...yet it takes him about ten minutes to do the whole thing if he actually bothers to do it… We, however, can barely even do it in an hour!
Candle Man: (Standing a few meters away from the dining room, holding the frying pan, and spinning it around.) Hmm, it’s called being a (throws the frying pan up) skilled cook, yes? 
(While Candle Man grabs the frying pan with his other fin. Mystic then makes Candle Man wear an apron that says “Kiss the cook”.)
Mystic: Now you look like a king.
Candle Man: If I’m your king, where’s my crown?
(Mystic, instead of giving Candle Man his crown, gives him a kiss on the cheek, causing him to start blushing.)
Candle Man: Oh you, the most perfect Mystical in the history of ever.
Mystic: Gee, you saying that makes me feel really old...so old I can be your grandma! Well, at least Candle Man is actually one of those people who can be seen as a lovable loser.
Candle Man: YEAH! I’m a lovable loser! I’m a...lovable...loser...WHY WOULD YOU CALL ME THAT?!
Shaduck: She must have used your likeness on one of those weird personality quizzes and you came back as the loser. 
Candle Man: I didn’t know you were a quiz kind of gal. What did you come back as?
Mystic: I came back as “Galactic Drama Queen”, seen to be either with the normies and is in a relationship with the loser.
Candle Man: Well, maybe I could… uh, stop being a loser?
Mystic: Shaduck came back as “The Dumb Guy”, heh.
Shaduck: Hey!
Mystic: And besides, what’s so wrong about being a loser, CM? My parents always found me to be a loser given how much of a disappointment I was…
Candle Man: Yeah, but that’s not how I envisioned myself.
Mystic: (Pulls out a notepad and a pen.) Care to describe this vision to me?
Candle Man: Sure thing… (While Mystic is sketching out this vision) I honestly see myself to be a confident and rather funny guy, known for his good looking appearance, known for attracting all of the women, and is also seen to be the hottest guy in town.
Mystic: Uh...hearing that makes you sound like Chadder…
(Candle Man looks at Mystic with a bruh face, not wanting to act like Chadder, when Mystic shows her the sketch of Chadder)
Mystic: What?
Candle Man: Starting tomorrow, I'm gonna stop being the loser...and that’s that!
(Mystic looks rather surprised by this move from Candle Man. Theme song plays. After the theme, the scene cuts to the next morning in Mystic’s room, where she is seen reading a detective novel, when Candle Man comes in with a rose and hands it to Mystic, trying to be more of a gentleman towards her. She starts blushing.)
Candle Man: For you, moi lady. 
Mystic: Oh, thanks CM. Gee, instead of being a loser, you're being a gentleman.
Candle Man: Mhm, because it’s better than being a loser. 
Mystic: I honestly see you wearing a tuxedo to go along with this new you. Well, I do have this tailcoat on me.
(Mystic grabs it from her closet, and tries to put it on Candle Man but he throws it out of the room.)
Mystic: Hey! What was that for?!
Candle Man: I hate clothes! Why do you think I’m naked all the time?!
Mystic: Uh- (Pause.) Hmm… never thought about that before...wait, does that mean you never wore diapers when you were a baby?!
(Candle Man stares at Mystic, disgusted.)
Candle Man: Of course I would wear diapers! Never mind, let’s not make this weird, my Mystical. 
(Meanwhile, outside of the Candle house, Chadder overhears the new side of Candle Man.)
Chadder: Oh, so he made himself more likable. Well, I guess what really makes him that lovable dweeb is that loser energy he gives off! It’s time to take his whole life away! Hahahahah!
(The scene cuts back to Candle Man and Mystic.)
Mystic: So, how are you going to make sure that your loserness doesn’t show itself again after this change? And it better not be a risk for your own life!
Candle Man: Why on Fandax would deciding not to be a loser risk my life?
Mystic: Oh you know, holding it in so much that your head explodes...or something similar.
Candle Man: Oh you're just being paranoid over my life, like I was when you were killed by that UCtrashbag.
(Cue a long groan from Mystic as she sweats a bit, before she ends up kicking herself.)
Candle Man: What was that about?
Mystic: You don’t want to know…
(The scene cuts to the next morning where Candle Man has awoken from an awful sleep, feeling like someone had poisoned him, when the sound of the alarm clock is heard going off.)
Candle Man: Augh...I’m not in the moment for you, alarm clock.
(Candle Man turns it off weakly and gets himself up, feeling like his brain is about to explode, when he gets downstairs to get himself something to eat.)
Mystic: (Lifts up an eggplant.) Eggplant for the Candle Man?
Candle Man: Yep, thanks.
(Candle Man takes a bite out of the eggplant, but it’s quite literally the worst eggplant he has ever eaten in his life. He spits it out.)
Mystic: Is something the matter?
Candle Man: Yeah, this eggplant tastes awful!
Mystic: That’s weird, they mostly taste like heaven to you. Hmm, maybe your taste is going off the wall because you're coming down with something.
Candle Man: Well, I don’t feel sick in the slightest, so it might just be a temporary thing. 
Mystic: Who knows? Some illness might be starting to come at you, so you should take it easy just in case you do get sick.
(The scene cuts to the Candle Friends in a game of Super Nario Party, where Shaduck has just taken his turn. Candle Man is up but is in the pits of the chills, shown when he steals the blanket that Shaduck has wrapped around himself)
Shaduck: What the heck?!
Candle Man: (Shivering.) S-s-sorry Shaduck, I’m not sure why...but I’m r-r-r-really cold….
Limefong: Are you getting sick?
Candle Man:  No! I never get sick!
Shaduck: What about that one time with the eggplants?
Candle Man: I wasn’t sick that o-o-one time, I just had a lot up my rear!
Shaduck: Ew.
Mystic: (Candle Man, Limefong and Shaduck look at Mystic as she screams.) NOW MAKE YOUR DICE ROLL, YOU EGG CANNON!
Candle Man: Alright alright! Sheesh!
(The scene cuts to Chadder, who is in the middle of his scheme as he acts like how Candle Man once was when he was the loser.)
Chadder: Eggplants! No clothes! UCP sucks!
(TwoBrains and Pesron pass by, looking confused.)
TwoBrains: Are you trying to be Candle Man? 
Chadder: Ha-HA! Who cares about that fool? I’m the better loser than him!
Pesron: Even if you're being really cheesy about being the loser. 
Chadder: Nah, Candle Man is the more cheesy one, not me!
TwoBrains: Yeah, sure. 
(Scene cuts back to Candle Man, where his sickness has struck him in full, and is too ill to even move, with the other three keeping their distance to keep from catching Candle Man’s illness.)
Candle Man: You were right, Mystic, I was getting s-s-sick!
Mystic: I told you to take it easy, and what did you do to yourself?
Limefong: Ignore your advice?
Mystic: Exactly.
Candle Man: Well, aren’t you going to help or not?
(Mystic, Limefong and Shaduck look at each other.)
Limefong: I’m sorry CM, but you are on your own with this one!
Candle Man: So basically you’re saying that if someone gets sick, everyone in a 100 mile radius should just ignore it and not give three flips.
Shaduck: We just don’t want to catch whatever you have on you!
Candle Man: Come on, I’m pretty sure it’s not contagious!
Mystic: I’d rather not take that chance. Would you guys?
Shaduck and Limefong: Nope.
Candle Man: (Acting like his old self.) You guys are no help! I guess I’m going to die while you guys just stand there!
(Mystic, Limefong and Shaduck look back over at Candle Man, who tries to keep from freezing to death, and then back at each other.)
Mystic: So, what do we do with him?
Shaduck: I know, watch him die and do nothing to help him!
(Candle Man glares at Shaduck.)
Candle Man: WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GONNA JUST LEAVE YOUR FRIEND BEHIND TO SAVE YOURSELF?! What a pathetic idiot…
Mystic: Well you can sometimes be a bratty jerk.
Shaduck: Sometimes even more than Mystic is.
Mystic: Yeah, you have some issues to sort out, so uh...bye!
(Mystic leaves.)
Candle Man: Did you just- UGH, I DON’T EVEN NEED AWFUL FRIENDS LIKE YOU GUYS, CARING MORE ABOUT NOT CATCHING AN ILLNESS YOU GUYS CAN’T EVEN CATCH, THAN THAT ONE FRIEND THAT HAS SAID ILLNESS! Well, At least Lime is on my side…
Limefong: Would you kill me if I said that Mystic and Shaduck are right about you being a jerk?
Candle Man: Are you seriously expecting a “no”?
Limefong: Well, you’re being a jerk right now, which may be why Mystic left.
Candle Man: Because apparently, personality is more important than literally being ill!
(The scene fades to Wikia Park, where Chadder is seen sitting on a bench. Mystic sits down by him.)
Chadder: Oh hey Mystical. You finally left that candle boy?
Mystic: Yeah, he’s being a jerk, and you seem better for me than he would, so...want it to be official?
Chadder: I’ve been waiting for you to say that, so I say yes!
Mystic: Good, now don’t act like the jerkbutt that Candle Man is.
Chadder: Sure thing, moi lady.
(Meanwhile, Candle Man is struggling to walk properly as he goes to get some medicine. He grows dizzy, and he sees Chadder and Mystic together, talking about Candle Man.)
Candle Man: (Sounding terrible.) Hey, there’s Mystical, and...is that…(sneezes) Chadder?
Mystic: Oh hey, my second ex! You look terrible, like your attitude towards me is!
Candle Man: What?! What do you mean by “second ex”?!
Mystic: Oh, haven’t you known that me and Chadder are together now?
(Candle Man is so shocked by this news that his head explodes. It immediately regrows.)
Candle Man: (Getting angry at Mystic.) MYSTIC, WHAT THE HECK?! (Sounding terrible again.) Why did you leave me?
Mystic: You were being a complete and utter jerk toward us, and I wasn’t going to take it!
(Chadder and Mystic walk away. Candle Man follows them while trying not to fall, but his vision is blurring out on him.)
Candle Man: Mystic...wait! I’m sorry… (He faints and wakes up in the middle of the night when there are lights on him.) Huh? Oh yeah...Mystical!
(Candle Man runs to the Candle House, the lights were coming from there and party music is heard.)
Candle Man: What?
(Candle Man walks into the house to see the party that’s going down. Chadder is dancing with Mystic. Shaduck and Limefong are also seen dancing separately, as well as the rest of the Chīzus.)
Candle Man: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!
(Record scratch.)
Mystic: Ugh, it’s you again. I already told you, you were a jerk. Now this house belongs to Chadder!
Candle Man: What!? How!?
(Chadder shows Candle Man the deed which has Chadder’s signature on it.)
Candle Man: How did you get the deed to the house!?
Chadder: Only your no-longer friends told me!
(Candle Man is seen getting angrier, his flame growing bigger.)
Chadder: Aw, wittle baby get angwee? 
Limefong: If you don’t leave, Chadder could call the cops on you!
Candle Man: You too, Lime?!
Limefong: Hey, I don’t like getting involved with the police You know why.
Candle Man: Ugh.
(Candle Man turns around and walks out miserably. Just as he walks out the door, Chaddder trips Candle Man up and he falls on the dirt.)
Chadder: Haha, dork!
Candle Man: Ugh!
(Chadder slams the door shut, and the screen cuts to black. Then, it cuts to Candle Man walking into the park and sleeping on the grass. It begins raining and the screen fades to black. The scene cuts to a week later, where Candle Man is woken up from his slumber by a tap on his head.)
Candle Man: Huh? Who’s (sneezes) there?
Gyux: Asdfghjkjhgtfrdcvb! (Subtitles: Candle Man, wake up!)
Candle Man: I recognise that gibberish anywhere! Stay away Gyux! I’ve already suffered enough! First this darn sickness and now Mystic left me!
(He gets up and sees the rest of the Spammers surrounding him, and readies himself to fight.)
Gyux: Bjuwaitincamdke! (Subtitles: But wait, Candle Man!)
Candle Man: What?
Kitchen: He’s trying to say something has to be done about Chadder!
Candle Man: Why do you care? 
Whickey: We’re used to clashing with whoever leads the candle group, but we preferred clashing with you!
Maps: That Chadder guy is too clever! He and his family managed to take ownership of our lair! How did he do that?!
Luis: Chadder is kicking Baghead out of the candle group and exiling him to Corukan, causing me to be bored with not fighting him! It still does too! Boo hoo.
Candle Man: Baghead? Why?
Maps: Something about him sticking up for you, I dunno.
Dyaboy: Chadder has taken all the good pieces of junk that can build robots and is selling it for his “Mystical” or whatever!
Candle Man: That Mystical is NOT HIS!
Whickey: That’s why we thought you’d be the perfect man to help us with this operation!
Candle Man: Well, I’m more bothered by the fact he’s stolen my goshdarn life, but I am on board with getting rid of Chadder, and I think I know just how to do it! 
(Candle Man sneezes again.) 
Maps: Great! And...bless you. (Gives Candle Man a tissue.)
Candle Man: (Blowing his nose.) Thanks.
(The scene cuts to the Spammers’ lair, revealing that the Chīzus did take the house for themselves. Candle Man looks behind him to find that the Spammers have kept their distance from him.)
Candle Man: (Snarking.) Oh sure, keep away from the sick guy! 
Maps: I rather not get sick from your sneezy self!
Candle Man: Oh come on, I feel better than how I felt like a week ago!
Dyaboy: So what’s that plan of yours?
Candle Man: Well, since I’m still sick, how about I make the place covered in my sickness and those stupid jerks will move out?
Whickey: Oh god, that’s just nasty!
Candle Man: I know. 
Gyux: Gyudwaeghnuyffkgybus! (Subtitles: Not only are you such a jerk that Mystic left you, you're also nasty!)
Kitchen: Even if that’s disgusting, go ahead and roll with that...bleugh...plan of yours. 
(Candle Man walks in to reveal that the Chīzus have left the door open. He opens the door, and gets the urge to sneeze again.)
Candle Man: Time to sneeze so much that my nose will fall off...even if I don’t have one. 
(Candle Man then notices how dusty the lair is and how much of a wreck the place is, with dust all over the place.)
Candle Man: Sheesh! Those Spammers should clean up once in a while...there’s dust everywhere! 
(Then, dust that has been on the ceiling falls right on top of Candle Man, covering him in the dust and him having his flame slightly shrink in size.) 
Candle Man: Hold up… dust?! (Realizes.) OH, GOD NO! This better not be…  (Another sneeze coming in from all of the dust.) Oh geez, not another sneeze! It’s like I’m allergic to everything involving evil peo--WAHCHOO!
(The sneeze causes Candle Man to step back, and he does it just enough for him to step on a thumbtack that was on the floor.)
Candle Man: OW! Darn you, stupid thumbtack! 
(A spider hanging by its silk comes down from the ceiling and right into Candle Man’s view.) 
Candle Man: Back to the task at hand, where nothing will stop (the spider gets on Candle Man) MEEEEE! GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!
(Candle Man pulls out the frying pan and smacks his face, trying to kill the spider, only for it to not get squashed and knocking Candle Man out. He falls to the floor, until the scene fades to a while later, where the Spammers wake him up again.)
Whickey: You’re seriously not good at making plans, are you?
Candle Man: Shut up, Whickey. This is working perfectly.
Maps: How?
Candle Man: Well, I just took a nap, which means there should be a big sweaty spot right underneath me.
Kitchen: Ew.
Candle Man: Exactly.
(He gets up and there is a big sweaty spot there, indeed.)
Dyaboy: Do you have any more ideas to evict these losers?
Candle Man: Of course I do.
(Cuts to some time later, where the Chīzus come home. They are shocked to discover that there are several sweaty spots around the house, dirty tissues cover every square inch of the floor, mucus is dripping from spots on the furniture, the bathrooms smell absolutely awful, and the toilets haven’t been flushed.)
Dora: Ewww! What happened here?!
Chadder: Nothing to worry about, guys, we can just mop it up!
Bella: I’m not going near any of that.
Chadder: Oh, don’t worry. (Whips out a mop and cleans it up under 2 seconds.) You don’t have to.
(Meanwhile, Candle Man and the Spammers hide.)
Candle Man: Darn! Guess we’ll have to do something else.
Maps: Hold on a minute, guys. Even if we get the house back, Chadder will still have your life!
Dyaboy: Maybe, if you go back to being yourself-
Candle Man: No! I will not return to being the loser!
Whickey: But since then, you turned into the sick jerk!
Kitchen: Since you’ve changed your personality, you’ve lost your house, your friends, your girlfriend…
Dyaboy: And on top of that, you’re sick!
Candle Man: When you say it like that, my life sounds awful!
Kitchen: It is!
Candle Man: Shut up!
Gyux: Mdjekwmsheje, djeksjsjdjdkenwuwo. (Subtitles: Poor Candle Man, the loser of losers.)
Candle Man: Did you say, “Poor Candle Man, the loser of losers”?
(Gyux, surprised, nods.)
Candle Man: Well, stop making me feel bad!
Whickey: Not until you regain who you were.
Maps: You know what? I think Candle Man is too scared of becoming the loser again.
Dyaboy: Is that who you want to be? The baby?
The Spammers: (Chanting.) CANDLE MAN’S A BABY, CANDLE MAN’S A BABY!
(The Spammers continue the chanting. The Chīzus over hear this chant and inspect where Candle Man and the Spammers are hiding. Candle Man is shown growing angrier and angrier, and by the time Chadder leans to the side to look into the hiding place, a punch is thrown at the mouse, sending him back against the wall. Candle Man emerges from the hiding place.)
Candle Man: I. AM NOT. A BABY. AHHHHHHH!
(He runs toward Chadder, cornering him against the wall, who is still stunned, and begins pouring his anger into beating. Chadder. up. The Spammers look on in a mix of horror and happiness.)
Broccolo: Hey! Don’t mess with our brother!
(The Chīzus try to pull Candle Man off Chadder, but the Spammers start fighting the family, trying to retake their house and kick out the Chīzus.)
Chadder: AHHHHH! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ow!
(Candle Man beats up Chadder for a long time, beginning to give him a deformity or two. Meanwhile, the Spammers kick the other Chīzus out of the house, and watch as Candle Man relentlessly beats Chadder senseless. Chadder cries for a moment or two but then is completely silent. Whickey walks up behind Candle Man, who still has non-literal fire in his eyes, and taps him on the shoulder.)
Candle Man: WHAT?!
Whickey: I think you beat him up enough.
(Chadder is shown with several wounds and swells around his face, and is knocked out.)
Candle Man: I suppose you’re right. But I’m not done with him yet.
(Scene fades later that night, where Candle Man busts into the Candle House and throws Chadder’s badly hurt body onto the ground, leaving Mystic shocked.)
Candle Man: Don’t ever do this to me again.
Mystic: W-what on Fandax did you do to him?!
Candle Man: He got a taste of my fury of fire!
Mystic: You absolute maniac! NOW I’M REALLY GLAD THAT I DUMPED YOU!
Candle Man: He usurped my position as the loser, so I had to take it back!
Shaduck: You didn’t take it back! You just made yourself look worse!
Limefong: Chadder getting beaten up makes him look more like a loser, too!
Candle Man: Then what can I do to make me look more like the loser?
(The Spammers walk up behind him.)
Whickey: You have to lose.
(Luis punches Candle Man so hard he flops all the way to the back of the house. The Spammers go over and get all up in his face.)
Kitchen: You’re pathetic!
Dyaboy: An absolute idiot!
Maps: And what are you gonna do about it?
(Candle Man uses his fire to burn them all. The Spammers collapse onto the ground, while Candle Man stands before them.)
Candle Man: You may have been throwing insults, but you’re the ones who got burned!
(This terrible joke noticeably sets everything straight. Mystic looks over at Chadder and throws the bruised and unconscious man out of the house. Candle Man goes over to the door and starts to kick them out.)
Candle Man: Thanks for helping me.
Kitchen: We owed you, and we do not like to save favors for later.
(Candle Man kicks them out and shuts the door.)
Mystic: Well, you did slip into a different personality by giving me that rose… so I guess you were pretty romantic. But since you’re the loser…
(Mystic kicks Candle Man into the mud outside.)
Mystic: But we’re dating again, now, anyway.
Candle Man: (Sarcastic.) Glad everything’s back to normal. (Sneezes.) Almost…
(Fades to the Main 4 at a hospital. A female cast with a name tag and glasses sits at the front desk.)
Megan: Hello! My name’s Megan. Do you have an appointment?
Mystic: Yes. Filed under Galaxtic Star.
Megan: Okay, go right in!
(The Main 4 proceed to their appointed checkout room.)
Shaduck: You’ve had this cold for a while now. You should be fine, but we should get you checked out anyway.
Candle Man: At least I’m the loser again.
Mystic: Hey, do you think we’ll ever see Chadder again?
Limefong: If we do, let’s just hope Candle Man doesn’t lose his “cool”.
Mystic: Ain’t that the truth.
(They all laugh. However, they pass by Chadder’s hospital room, although not noticing. Bella, Broccolo, and Dora surround him as he wakes up.)
Bella: I think he’s about to talk!
Dora: What is it you want to say?
(Chadder babbles for a second before sitting up and opening his bruised and swollen eyes.)
Chadder: (Sounding different due to his mouth being swollen.) I vow…revenge against Botuczy Fiery Candle and Mystic Galaxtic Star!
(Dramatic music plays as the episode ends.)
Category:Transcripts
Category:Season 1
Category:Candle Man & Friends