Headhunters 3: The Thirsty Thirteen

==Introduction==
THASS WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT! Our first miracle finish of 2021 comes on Monday Night Football in dramatic, nail-biting fashion. 
Down 113.52-91.48 heading into SNF, it seemed all but over for Who the Fuck? But a goose egg by Trey Sermon opened the door for a MNF finish that is a close second to the Kenyan Drake TD run of 2020 that eliminated Beach McBungalow on the last play of the week. When DK Metcalf took an 84-yarder to the house, a collective gasp could be heard across the continent as Headhunters owners everywhere witnessed an incredible comeback in the blink of an eye. But then, as the night progressed, things got tight yet again. DK needed a minimum of two catches or one catch for five yards to complete the comeback, but Geno Smith was handing off on every single play. I mean every fucking play. DK wasn't even targeted again until the 4th quarter and overall Smith threw for just 83 additional yards after the 84-yard play. But finally, after I had fallen asleep because I was a sleepy boi, DK Metcalf caught himself one more measely ball. It was just enough. Who the Fuck are all of you stays alive and survives Byemageddon, and instead we say Bye 2...
==In Memorium: Ya Hate 2 See It==
Brutal beat for Ya Hate 2 See It. Going heavy on the Chiefs, including the preposterous $700 bid on Kelce last week, never seemed like a totally bad idea..until it was. Patrick Mahomes turned back into a pumpkin just in time for Halloween and all of a sudden Big Red looks Big Dead in Kansas City. At the very least, Hate 2 See It leaves the season having spent most of his cash and giving it all he could to survive. But two terrible decisions cost them. 
One - NYJ defense. Jethro needed just two points from their defensive spot in order to win this week. There were 26 teams playing in week seven, and 25 of them had a defense that scored at least 9 points. Of those 25 teams, 10 were available on waivers and all ten are ranked higher on the season than New York.
Two - A single point from their third flex position and they advance, even with shitty NYJ D. A single point. There were...get ready...98 players on waivers this week who scored at least one point. NINETY-EIGHT! Obviously hindsight is 20/20 and if G knew he just needed a single point maybe he starts one of those 98 guys over Trey Sermon, who has pretty much never seen an NFL field. But to go down like this has to sting a little bit. 
This was G's most promising year yet. But from going a month without a bench, to bidding huge on one player, to starting a guy who didn't get a single touch, it just wasn't in the cards. Hate 2 See it finishes 16th for the second time in three seasons. You really do....hate to see it. That's all, folks. I'm here all week. 
Ya Hate 2 See it:
==Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021)==
Weeks Survived (2019 v 2020 v 2021)
Team 	2021 Finish	2020 Finish	2019 Finish
Pats a bitch 	20th (-1) 	19th 	N/A
It's Blitz! Track 2	19th (-16) 	3rd (-2) 	1st
Shotti's Bugatti 	18th (-5) 	13th 	N/A
Hasta Laviska Baby 	17th (-7) 	10th (+2) 	12th
Ya Hate 2 See It 	16th (-7) 	9th (+7) 	16th
==Dead Money==
Keeping track of all the cash that never got spent by teams that are now eliminated.
Dead Money
Dead Money	% of Total Eliminated Cash
$3,977 	80%
==Week Eight-Twelve - The Great Purge==
It felt kinda dirty doing the Wheel of Fate Thursday night, but let's try it out again and see how it feels. We still have two double-eliminations left out of the next five weeks!
==New Releases==
Jethro may have left us, but his spirit lives on in all these ballers hitting the waiver wire. 
#Tyreek Hill
#Travis Kelce
#Trey Sermon (LOL just kidding..little joke for ya)
#CeeDee Lamb
#James Robinson
==Week Seven Bidding Results==
Week Seven Bidding Results
Player 	Winning Team 	Winning Bid	Next Highest Bid
D'Andre Swift 	The Guilloteam 	$295 	$233 (Sloppy Seconds)
Lamar Jackson 	The Guilloteam 	$295 	$200 (Ya Hate 2 See It)
Saquon Barkley 	Sloppy Seconds 	$203 	$110 (Last Matts Standing)
Kadarius Toney 	Last Matts Standing	$110 	$44 (Sloppy Seconds)
Demetric Felton	Return of the Mac 	$21 	NA
Corey Davis 	Return of the Mac 	$14 	$0 (Dere-lick My Own Balls)
Arizona D 	Out of Luck 	$12 	$1 (Last Matts Standing)
Russell Gage 	Return of the Mac 	$11 	NA
Jalen Reagor 	Mixon Liquor 	$3 	NA
Sammy Watkins 	Mixon Liquor 	$1 	NA
====Quick-hit thoughts====
*Swift might be something special. 
*Two NYG players going for big bucks despite being injured. Gambles for later in the season for Sloppy and Last Matts. Will the gambles pay off? 
*
Last Year's most expensive week seven player: Dalvin Cook ($400)
==Money Spent Per Week==
Money Spent Per Week
Week	Budget Spent 	Budget Spent (2020)	Budget Spent (2019)
2 	$9 (2 Players) 	$1173 (12 Players) 	$1339 (7 Players)
3 	$1283 (10 Players)	$1033 (7 Players) 	$1902 (15 Players)
4 	$657 (8 Players) 	$1182 (11 Players) 	$1614 (11 Players)
5 	$1376 (11 Players)	$181 (4 Players) 	1743 (14 Players)
6 	$1231 (10 Players)	$1542 (10 Players) 	$1018 (11 Players)
7 	$965 (10 Players) 	$1494 (13 Players) 	$1036 (9 Players)
==Week Seven Results==
Week Seven Results
Finish (Last Week)	Player 	Total Points
1(13) 	Bad VRs 	228.07
2(7) 	The Guilloteam 	212.33
3(1) 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls	208.49
4(4) 	The Titanic 	195.15
5(5) 	CP 	188.44
6(2) 	Sloppy Seconds 	183.41
7(14) 	Out of Luck 	182.55
8(11) 	Return of the Mac 	180.95
9(9) 	Beach McBungalow 	159.44
10(8) 	Mixon Beer with Liquor 	158.27
11(10) 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	156.00
12(12) 	Last Matts Standing 	138.13
13(6) 	Who the Fuck are all of you?	114.48
14(3) 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	113.52
15 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	0
16 	Shotti's Bugatti 	0
17 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	0
18 	Bad Boys 	0
19 	Henry VIII 	0
20 	Pats a bitch 	0
*Biggest Climber: Bad VRs (^12)
*Biggest Faller: Ya Hate 2 See It (v11)
Four teams finished in the same spot as last week. Never seen that happen before.
==2021 Draft Dodgers==
Team Results Based on Draft Position
Draft Pick	Team 	Week Eliminated
1 	Beach McBungalow 	ALIVE
2 	Return of the Mac 	ALIVE
3 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	ALIVE
4 	Bad Boys 	MERGED
5 	Pats a Bitch (Steve Blackman's Nun)	2
6 	Neck-Fix and Chill 	ALIVE
7 	Henry VIII 	MERGED
8 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	6
9 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	7
10 	Out of Luck 	ALIVE
11 	Soul Survivor 	MERGED
12 	@FFDraftScott 	ALIVE
13 	Shotti's Bugatti 	5
14 	Last Coach Standing 	MERGED
15 	Bobecue Chicken (Sloppy Seconds) 	ALIVE
16 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	4
17 	The Guilloteam 	ALIVE
18 	Who the Fuck are all of you? 	ALIVE
19 	Mixon Beer with Liquor 	ALIVE
20 	CP 	ALIVE
==Kings of the Castle==
===1. Bad VRs===
Pretty good week for a team that is dealing with injuries to some key starters at the RB and WR position. We'll see if this is the week (s)he finally starts to spend.
===2. The Guilloteam===
The classic Spender's Bump! That's what I'm going to start calling it whenever a team gets a nice little jump in the standings after a big bidding week. It's better than some other kind of bumps you might find yourself with. 
===3. I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls===
Keeling has 161.41 on the next highest scoring team this season, and basically has a guaranteed hundo each week that Kupp and Henry both take the field. It's a wild combo but both have late byes this season and I don't think you want late byes in Headhunters. 
===4. The Titanic===
Once again, can't believe that this team almost tanked a few weeks ago. They get stronger every week. Still, with a league low $122 left to spend, these positive vibes probably have to carry the squad at least up through Thanksgiving before they can even dream about acquiring another top player.
===5. CP===
CP basically did exactly what I thought they woul do (or what they decided to do after reading my writeup). Duvernay and D'Ernest more than compensated for Justin Jefferson's bye week, and with AJ Brown turning it on this team is poised for a run after a slowish start.
==On the Chopping Block==
===13. Who the Fuck are all of you?===
As exciting as it was to see this team come back, the reality is that they are a strong squad who had a lot of bye week players. Maybe this would have been a good week to get rid of them before they do some serious damage. But nope, they pull the upset and live on to get chopped another day.
===12. Last Matts Standing===
If there is another player whose fantasy football success is less tied to his real life NFL success, I haven't seen him. The guy alway finishes top-10 among QBs, but consistantly fails to pass the eye test and cannot will his Eagles team to win. That's no matter for Last Matts this week. Hurts' 4th quarter garbage points count the same as any other fantasy points, the the team that looked out of it catches another narrow victory.
===11. Neck-Fix and Chill===
Since bidding big on Hopkins this team has been very quiet. They survived the loss of Chubb, who should be back this week, and oddly enough they seem to be getting a ton of great production out of the Patriots receivers. Hey, whatever works! Being able to pull it out with the way Mahomes and Lockett played this week is a miracle. 
===10. Mixon Beer with Liquor===
Similar to Neck-Fix, it's a small miracle they were able to survive despite having to start Darren Waller at TE (0.00). You can thank a great day from his RBs (Mixon/Gaskin/Fournette) and a surprise boom day for Allen Lazard. 
===9. Beach McBungalow===
Tom Brady to Mike Evans connection saves McBungalow from certain disaster after he accidentally started Donovan Peoples-Jones. The bigger story here is that with Sam Darnold turning back into a New York Jet before our very eyes, is DJ Moore set to betray Nate during a #NateYear? 
==Average Scores of Eliminated Teams==
Average Scores of Eliminated Teams
Team 	Average Score	Weeks Played
Ya Hate 2 See It 	165.83 	7
Hasta Laviska Baby 	165.26 	6
Shotti's Bugatti 	153.62 	5
Pats a bitch 	147.32 	2
It's Blitz! Track 2	136.14 	4
==Narrow Defeats==
Margin of Defeat for Last Place Teams:
Margin of Defeat for Eliminated Teams
Team 	Margin of Defeat	Week Eliminated
Ya Hate 2 See It 	0.96 	7
It's Blitz! Track 2	7.06 	4
Shotti's Bugatti 	14.37 	5
Hasta Laviska Baby 	23.24 	6
Pats a bitch 	N/A 	2
Ya Hate's 0.96-point margin of defeat is the third narrowest of all time. The top two were both in 2019, when Out of Luck was eliminated by 0.32 and Bad Boys was chopped by a margin of 0.83.
==Rulers of the Kingdom==
2021 first place finishers:
Top Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Return of the Mac 	208.47
2 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls 	249.61
3 	Who the Fuck are all of you? 	215.73
4 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	235.97
5 	The Titanic 	264.33
6 	I Can Dere-lick My Own Balls (2)	239.21
7 	Bad VRs 	228.07
==Dungeon Dwellers==
2021 teams that finished second-to-last, narrowly avoiding elimination:
Low Scorers by Week
Week	Team 	Score
1 	Bobecue Chicken 	132.96
2 	Mixon Beer with Liquor 	118.90
3 	Return of the Mac 	120.63
4 	Shotti's Bugatti 	125.79
5 	The Guilloteam 	132.43
6 	Out of Luck 	121.70
7 	Who the Fuck are all of you?	114.48
==Single Season Scoring Records==
As teams get eliminated their season will be added to the record books.
All-Tme Single Season HH Point Records
Score 	Player 	Year
3428.76	CP 	2019
3402.18	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2019
3015.53	Mixon Beer 	2020
2997.67	The Guilloteam 	2019
2980.07	Last Coach Standing 	2020
2743.25	@FFDraftScott 	2020
2733.07	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2020
2709.59	Mac 	2019
2422.98	Dere-Lick 	2019
2377.31	The Guilloteam 	2020
2285.51	CP 	2020
2282.91	Out of Luck 	2020
2046.35	LIVEWithIt 	2019
1941.63	Bobecue Chicken 	2019
1817.79	Carole Pigskin 	2020
1736.99	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2019
1611.76	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2020
1512.91	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2020
1439.40	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2020
1357.00	Henry VIII 	2019
1238.56	Bluedevils 	2019
1160.81	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2021
1132.61	Henry VIII 	2020
1116.98	Shotti's Bugatti 	2020
1055.63	Mac 	2020
1049.89	LIVEWithIt 	2020
991.57 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2021
975.59 	Hasta Laviska Baby 	2019
768.10 	Shotti's Bugatti 	2021
717.82 	Out of Luck 	2019
713.12 	Dere-Lick 	2020
544.55 	It's Blitz! Track 2 	2021
481.22 	@FFDraftScott 	2019
459.96 	Bobecue Chicken 	2020
294.62 	Steve Blackman's Nun	2021
286.36 	Ya Hate 2 See It 	2019
262.69 	Bad Boys 	2020
115.16 	Mixon Beer 	2019
96.56 	Steve Blackman's Nun	2020
==All-Time Combined Points Scored==
As teams get eliminated, their updated totals will be added to the record books.
All-Time Combined Points Records
Score 	Player 	Years Played
6679.80	It's Blitz! Track 2 	3
5714.27	CP 	2
5374.98	The Guilloteam 	2
3765.22	Mac 	2
3406.56	Hasta Laviska Baby 	3
3249.90	Neck-Fix and Chill 	2
3224.47	@FFDraftScott 	2
3136.10	Dere-Lick 	2
3130.69	Mixon Beer 	2
3106.24	LIVE With It 	2
3058.93	Ya Hate 2 See It 	3
3000.73	Out of Luck 	2
2980.07	Last Coach Standing 	1
2489.61	Henry VIII 	2
2401.59	Bobecue Chicken 	2
1885.08	Shotti's Bugatti 	2
1817.79	Carole Pigskin 	1
1738.10	Bad Boys 	2
1238.56	Bluedevils 	1
698.91 	Phillip's Team 	1
391.19 	Steve Blackman's Nun	2
==Remaining Budget==
Remaining Budget as of 10/26/2021
Player 	Total Budget
Bad VRs 	$1459
Beach McBungalow 	$1000
Mixon Beer with Liquor 	$996
Out of Luck 	$987
Return of the Mac 	$906
Last Matts Standing 	$854
Sloppy Seconds 	$777
CP 	$650
Neck-Fix and Chill 	$498
Who the Fuck are all of you?	$498
I Can Dere-Lick My Own Balls	$375
The Guilloteam 	$163
The Titanic 	$122
Ya Hate 2 See It 	0
Hasta Laviska Baby 	0
Shotti's Bugatti 	0
It's Blitz! Track 2 	0
Bad Boys 	0
Pats a bitch 	0
==CONCLUSION==
That's all for this week! Have a good week, see everyone Thursday night for the Wheel of Fate, and happy hunting!