Lana Takes a Bath/transcript

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== Transcript ==
Episode Aired: July 26, 1997
Episode Copyrighted: 1995
This episode is rated TV-Y7, this is a 7 minute episode.
Episode begins on Lincoln waiting outside the Bathroom, he is struggling to hold in his pee, he talks to the audience.
Lincoln Loud: Baths, the polar opposite of showers, and my sisters are crazy about them, want proof? we've got Leni, who only takes them for relaxation purposes.
Screen cuts to Leni taking a bubble bath, she is wearing a sea green mud mask, and cucumbers over her eyes. Suddenly, the door Knocks. Leni, startled by the sudden knocking, throws her arms up in the air.
Leni Loud: I surrender!
Lincoln Loud: We've got Lori, who only bathes to recover from tests, and ever since she got that waterproof case, she now texts in the bath.
Screen cuts to Lori taking a bubble bath, she is texting on her phone. Lori is knocking.
Lori Loud: Not now, I've literally spent hours studying for that test, can't I just get one minute of quiet?
She proceeds with her texting.
Lincoln Loud: Though Luna showers more often, she bathes every few weeks.
Screen cuts to Luna taking a bubble bath, she is washing her hair when singing and rocking out to music playing from a radio perched on the sink.
Lincoln Loud: Luan, well, she only bathes for fun, not to get clean.
Screen cuts to Luan taking a bubble bath.
Luan Loud: I guess I'm really Bubbling with Excitement. *laughs*
Flashback begins.
Flashback Lincoln Loud: *knocks on the door* Can you hurry up in there, I need to pee. Whenever Lucy takes a bath, she always ends up turning the water into some strange potion.
Screen cuts to Lucy taking a bubble bath, she is holding a wooden spoon.
Flashback Lucy Loud: Oh magical brew, please tell me my future, or at least give me immortality
Screen cuts back to Present Lincoln, flashback ends.
Lincoln Loud: Some of my sisters don't even bathe, Lynn doesn't bathe anymore, she says that athletes shower, Lisa doesn't bathe at all, she uses her Steam Suit, and she smells like fresh cut dandelions for some reason. But there is one person who, of course, never bathes at all... Lana. And bathing her is no easy task, so we don't bathe her often *feels a jolt, and proceeds to knock on the door* Hurry up over there!!!
Screen cuts to a dimmed bathroom, where Lola is taking a bubble bath, she is wearing cucumbers over her eyes.
Lola Loud: *yells* TOO BAD, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WAIT.
Screen cuts to Lincoln watching TV.
Announcer: 30 People, a mysterious island, will they escape? tune in next week for the trilling conclusion of Missing, on the Nothing To Do With History Channel.
Lola Loud: *walks towards Lincoln* What are you doing?
Lincoln Loud: Watching TV to pass the time.
Lola Loud: What are you talking about? Mom said You, Me and Luna have been assigned to give Lana a bath.
Lincoln Loud: Wait what?
Luna Loud: *walks in* Sorry bro, but Mom said we would get paid, and I need to get that present for Sam.
Lola Loud: how on earth are we going to bathe Lana? It's easier said than done.
Lincoln Loud: How about we try convincing her.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lincoln, I'll take care of her.
Lincoln Loud: Okay.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lana! Looks like it's that time of week again: bath time!
Lana Loud: Alright, what is it you want to show me?
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's a surprise.
Lana Loud: *takes SpongeBob's hands off my eyes, and sees the bath prepared for me* Eh, no.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Why not?
Lola Loud: You need it, you're filthy
Lana Loud: Don't you know only big fat sissies take baths. *angrily walks off screen*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *grabs Lana offscreen, then onscreen* Come on, let's go get the water started. You're gonna have to get in that tub, Lana. Now, Gary, we can do this the hard way, or the easy way, or the medium way...
It zooms in on Lana's eyes.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Or the semi-medium-easy-hard way, or the sorta hard with a touch of awkward-easy-difficulty-challenging way…
Lana just stares.
SpongeBob SquarePants: So that's how you wanna play it, huh? Lana! Check out this new toy. Fetch! *throws the ball to Lana*
Lana Loud: I caught it, SpongeBob. I caught it.
The toy boomerangs back to SpongeBob and he reads the box.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Huh? "New" Boomerang Pet Ball: Really Works! Hmmm. *throws the box*
It boomerangs back, hits him in the head.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *with a bomb strapped to my chest* Lana! There's a bomb strapped to my chest! It's gonna explode in 3 seconds unless you take a bath!
Lana Loud: *doesn't react*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Please...?
The bomb explodes.
Lana Loud: *laughs*
Slide transition cuts to SpongeBob, Lincoln, Luna and Lola spitballing ideas to get Lana into the bath
Luna Loud: How about we tie her to a tree, and spray her down with the hose.
Lincoln Loud: That's a horrible idea.
Lola Loud: How about we...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Does it involve spraying down Lana with a hose?
Awkward Pause.
Lola Loud: Dang it.
Lincoln Loud: I think I've got an idea?
Slide transition cuts to The Living room, Leni is wearing her bathrobe filing her nails, SpongeBob, Lincoln, Luna and Lola are in the same room as her.
SpongeBob SquarePants: So, can you convince Lana to take a bath?
Leni Loud: I'd love to.
Luna Loud: Thanks Leni, you just saved us a ton of work.
Lola Loud: Yeah, thanks.
Leni Loud: You're welcome.
Slide transition to the Loud House in Lana and Lola's room.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I am now going to assault your mind with subliminal messages!
Pictures of a bathtub, a shower faucet running, and then a bar of soap come up, then a disturbing picture of a giggling girl appears.
Subliminal message girl: *high-pitched laughs*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry you had to see that. *on the phone* Hello, Fancy French Restaurant? I've got a naughty snail here who won't take a bath.
A person on the other side is talking.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What? Can you say that again?
Lana Loud: *walks away*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Slow down! It's like you're speaking some other language! *hangs up*
Slide transition.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Lans! How 'bout some leapfrog? Wee-hee! Okay, your turn. *flings Lana into the wall*
Lana Loud: *screams*
Then we see Gary with his shell bandaged.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Lans! How 'bout some leapfrog?
Lana Loud: *whacks him on the head with a cane* Ribbit!
Slide transition.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I've got a crisp dollar bill for the next fella to take a bath in this house!
Mr. Krabs: *comes in taking a bath then takes SpongeBob's dollar*
Slide transition.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Ya-da-da-da... *stops dancing* That didn't work either, huh?
Slide transition cuts to Lana sleeping on her bed. SpongeBob, who is dressed as a pirate, runs to Lana, who wakes up.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lana! Lana! Look what I found! It's an old, pirate treasure map revealing a location of buried pirate treasure in this very house! Come on, girl, let's go get that treasure! Whoo! Okay, Gary, now forty paces to the left. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten... twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven.... *nervously looks at Lana* Forty. The bathtub must be in here! *opens the bathroom door* Wow, Lana, look! A bathtub!
Lana Loud: I'm not going in the bathrub
SpongeBob SquarePants: Why, no, Lana. *kicks away a paint can* It's a bath! Look, doubloons! *shows two bars of soap* Don't drop 'em... Look at this brooch! *shows a rubber ducky*
Lana Loud: Yay! Doubloons!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't know what a snail would want with a brooch! Now why don't you just get into the tub?! *tries to throw Lana in the tub but is on me* Get in the tub! *tries to throw Lana in the tub but is unsuccessful again* Get in the tub! *tries to throw Lana in the tub but is unsuccessful again* Get in the tub! *tries to throw Lana in the tub but is unsuccessful again* In the tub! *tries to throw Lana in the tub but is unsuccessful again* In the tub! *tries to throw Lana in the tub*
She floats over the tub, and appears back on the floor after two seconds.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Now, Lana, are you gonna get in this tub or am I gonna have to... *pulls up Lana off the floor but both end up dangling from the ceiling to the attic* Lana, could you…
Lana Loud: *lets SpongeBob go in one of my foot*
SpongeBob SquarePants: *loses my grip* Lana, no!
Lana Loud: *lets SpongeBob go in other foot*
SpongeBob SquarePants: LANA! *falls into the tub with whistling noise* Alright, Lana, you have duped and/or frustrated me for the last time! So, if I can't get you to come to the bath, I'll just have to bring the bath to you. *absorbs all the water in the bathtub*
Screen cuts to Lana.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *offscreen* Psst, Lana. *onscreen* Bath delivery!
Lana Loud: NOOO!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *spits water at Lana but misses and hits the bed instead* Come back, Lana! I have something to "chair" with you. *spits more water at Lana but misses and hits dirty dishes, which cleans and stacks them* "Dish" is more like it!
Lynn Loud Sr.: Dishes are clean! That's more like it!
Screen cuts to outside of the Loud House.
SpongeBob SquarePants: "Water" you waiting for, Gary?
Screen cuts to the roof.
Lana Loud: I need a bath.
SpongeBob SquarePants: *puts a ladder on the Loud House and climbs the ladder* Aww, stuck in a roof? It's time to clean up your act, Lana! *spits out water at Lana but realizes it's a gramophone playing a record of Lana's words.
Record Vinyl Lana Loud: I need a bath. *record scratches* I need a bath. *record scratches* I need a bath. *record scratches* I need a bath. *record scratches* I need a bath.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh no! I bathed the wrong Lana too hard and removed her skin!
Leni is climbing the ladder where Lana is on the roof and still wearing her bathing suit.
Leni Loud: Are you ready for the fun-est thing in the whole world?
Lana Loud: I already told you this, no.
Leni Loud: Not even for this Totes Cool rubber Bath Toy?
Lana Loud: I said I'm not interested.
Lola Loud: *yells* WILL YOU JUST GET IN THE STINKING BATH?
SpongeBob SquarePants, Lincoln, Luna and Leni Loud: Lola!
Lola Loud: I'm just saying.
Luna Loud: Where'd she go?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Leni, you were supposed to be keeping an eye on her.
Leni Loud: But the Rubber Bath Toy was so Colourful.
Lincoln Loud: *smacks my forehead* Alright, I guess we're gonna have to catch Lana.
Everyone: Ready? Break!
Lana Loud: *angrily takes the ladder off the Loud House*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lana! Bring that ladder back this instant!
The ladder falls down.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I am really not amused, Lana. You are going to take a bath and you are going to get clean right now!
Lana Loud: No, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I am so the boss of you!
Lana Loud: What?! It's not fair, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob SquarePants: It may be a free country, but you live in my house under my rules.
Lana Loud: But how?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Don't use that tone of voice with me. You will do what I say when I say.
Lana Loud: *walks forward*
SpongeBob SquarePants: What are you doing? I am talking to you, Lana!
Lana Loud: Huh?! *stops right next to some mud*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Do not go near that mud puddle! Lana Loud, do you hear me? I am giving you three seconds to get away from that mud puddle! One.
Lana Loud: *moves closer to the mud*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Two.
Lana Loud: *moves closer to the mud*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Two and a half.
Lana Loud: *leans over the mud*
SpongeBob SquarePants: Don't make me say three!
Lana Loud: *leans further over the mud*
Screen cuts to a montage of Lincoln, Luna, Lola and Leni trying to catch Lana, it then ends with Leni sneaking up behind Lana, she pounces, but misses when Lana runs away.
Leni Loud: *falls into a mud puddle, then screams* I broke a nail, and I'm all muddy.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lana! Lana! Lana! Lana! *falls with whistling noise out of the tree and into the mud* I'm a dirty boy…
He is now in the bathtub.
Lana Loud: Hey SpongeBob, you look all muddy.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah, yeah, Lana. scrubs my ears* I'm getting behind my ears. 
Lana Loud: *grins*
Leni Loud: Ew, ew, ew.
Screen fades in black and it says "THE END". Episode ends.
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