Onionsexual

Onionsexual is the pilot episode of Squidward's Bowl Of Onions. It released 10 October and was written by CommuWard.
== Characters: ==
* Squidward
* Bowl Of Onions
* SpongeBob
* Policeward
* Chief [voice]
== Script: ==
* [Episode begins with Squidward at work. He sighs.]
* Squidward: I’m surrounded by imbeciles. If only I had the day off of work… Then I could meet my lover.
* [SpongeBob peaks his head out the window]
* SpongeBob: Squidward, you have a lover?
* Squidward: Yup. We met a few months ago. 
* SpongeBob: Happy to hear, buddy!
* Squidward: Thanks, SpongeBob. I love him so much.
* [SpongeBob stares at Squidward]
* SpongeBob: Him?
* Squidward: Shit, I mean her. I love HER.
* SpongeBob: Squidward, are you in a gay relationship?
* [Squidward puts his hand over SpongeBob’s mouth]
* Squidward: SpongeBob, shush it! You know you could be arrested just for saying that.
* [Squidward releases his hand.]
* SpongeBob: Uh, sorry, Squidward. So, are you?
* Squidward: I don’t have to answer that, do I?
* SpongeBob: I guess not. I’ll go back to burger flipping.
* [SpongeBob returns to the kitchen, as Squidward sighs in relief]
* Squidward: That was a close one. Good thing no one heard me.
* [The camera pans to across the Krusty Krab, where a yellow squid wearing a police uniform and has mustache along with sunglasses, named Policeward, is intensely glaring at Squidward without him noticing. He pulls out his walkie talkie.]
* Policeward: Chief? We got a homo situation. Should I follow the homo?
* Chief, on walkie-talkie: Yes, please do. Let’s catch this bitch.
* [We see Squidward’s day go on in a time lapse. When it becomes night, the last customer walks out the door and Squidward sighs in relief]
* Squidward: Finally… I can go home.
* [Squidward walks out the door and begins walking home. Policeward, however, was hiding behind the pole and begins trailing behind him. Squidward walks to his house and opens the door and walks in.]
* Squidward: Honey? I’m home.
* [Squidward walks towards the kitchen where we see a bowl of onions on the counter. Squidward kisses it.]
* Squidward: Man, today was rough, honey. But I’m glad I am back home with you.
* [The bowl doesn’t respond.]
* Squidward: Awwww, thanks honey. I love you too. Say… what say we… you know… make sweet love?
* [Suddenly Policeward kicks down the door with a gun in hand.]
* Policeward: FREEZE HOMO! 
* [Squidward screams and raises his hands in the air.]
* Squidward: HOMO? NO NO, IM NOT A HOMO!
* Policeward: Oh yeah? Who were you just talking to?
* Squidward: uh. I was talking on the phone!
* Policeward: I know your act. You homos disgust me. How do i know you weren’t making tongue love with a man in here?
* Squidward: Officer, I swear I wasn’t talking on the phone!
* [Policeward looks around the room.]
* Policeward: You were talking on the phone? Funny. I see no phone in this room.
* Squidward: Uh… i meant, my cell phone!
* Policeward: Oh yeah? Take out your phone.
* Squidward: You can’t search me without a warrant. I have my rights!
* [Policeward grunts in anger]
* Policeward: Damnit. You’re right! I’d get my ass sued off. 
* Squidward: You have no proof i was engaging in any activities homosexual.
* Policeward: I just know you were.
* Squidward: No proof. NO PROOF.
* [Policeward stares at squidward before angrily putting his gun away.]
* Policeward: You win this time, HOMO. But I WILL catch you eventually. Then i will shoot you. You miserable piece of shit. WATCH YOUR BACK.
* [Policeward walks out the house. Squidward sighs.]
* Squidward: Man. that was close honey. 
* [The bowl of onion sits there.]
* Squidward: I’m sorry you had to see that honey. I can’t believe the world still doesn’t accept our kind… it sickens me. But i know our day will come. Someday, it will be legal to marry a man. We just have to wait.
* [The onions sit there]
* Squidward: Awwww, I love you too, honey.
* [Squidward kisses the onions]
* Squidward: So, what say we… Make love now?
* [Squidward grabs the bowl of onions and walks upstairs.]
* [End.]
Category:Episodes
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Category:2023
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Category:Pilots