Transcripts 2005-12

Transcripts from December 2005 strips.
==December 1==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Single PanelBlack and white monochrome comic. Al is smiling at the camera.Caption (Al): Hey kids! It's 24 days left to go before Christmas! To celebrate the season for getting crap you don't really need and buying shit just as useless to give to others, I've made a little advent calendar! Each day (hopefully) until Christmas, I'm going to put a little extra treat for you! If you can't see the calendar and you can still see the TV on the home page, just force a browser refresh (Ctrl-F5 on most browsers). I hope you have as much fun viewing this stuff as I have making it!I hate drawing this shit!Footnote(PS: Comic updates won't be effected, so don't worry)Wiki editor's note: animations not yet located for archive
==December 2==
Panel 1Nathan and Red are somewhat facing each other.Nathan: Well he offered the stoner's room for me to use while he gets new furniture, so it looks like I'm all set.Panel 2Nathan and Red turn to face each other more directly. Red holds out a yellow slip of paper.Nathan: I just want to say thanks for everything again Red. It's not often someone helps a stranger out when there's nothing in it for them and I truly appreciate it!Red: Oh there is something in it for me!Panel 3Nathan examines the paper as Red grins with mischief.Nathan: Huh? This just has a phone number on it...
==December 5==
Panel 1Nathan pleads with Red, holding up both hands as she continues to grin at him.Nathan: Look Red, I REALLY appreciate you giving me your phone number, but you really should forget about me! Hanging around me will bring you nothing but trouble!Panel 2Close-up of Red making a sly face.Red: I know but I think it's a risk worth taking. Like you've said, they don't tie you to a table and try to cut you in half with a slow moving laser these days!Panel 3Nathan crosses his arms. Red has a cringe on her face.Nathan: They do when they have to! Also they found forging suicide notes and tossing people off bridges and tall buildings a lot more cost effective!Red: Oh...
==December 6==
Panel 1Camera view over Red's shoulder, of Nathan looking at Red as she crosses her arms and turns her head away, eyes shut.Nathan: I didn't mean to scare you, but you have to realise these are serious people we're talking about!Red: No, no, you're right. I've been treating this like a game!Panel 2Close-up of Red looking over her shoulder.Red: I'm sorry. I have this natural talent for being really forward when it's not wanted!Panel 3Nathan puts his hands on Red's shoulders, sunglasses tipped up to show his eyes meeting hers as she bows her head demurely, arms behind her back.Nathan: Hey, I never said it wasn't wanted! Trust me, it is! I'll that I'm saying is I don't want you to get hurt on my account... and maybe that your timing could be better!
==December 7==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black and white monochrome comic. Al is making a "spooky hands" gesture into the camera, with a deadpan expression on his face.Al: This week we saw Condoleezza Rice defend the CIA, stating that they don't torture suspects, but use "advanced interrogation methods" to make them say what they want to hear instead.Panel 2Al is grinning and pointing upwards/raising a finger.Al: And this got me thinking! If the White House can rename illegal things and make them legal, it can work for other situations too!Panel 3Al has his arms open (but mostly off-panel) and a bigger grin on his face.Al: It's not burglary, it's a "property redistribution technique!" It's not arson, it's a "physical state transferral procedure!" It's not murder, it's a "vexing persons removal tactic!" You see, the Bush administration is good for something! They have shown us that armed with a thesaurus, anyone can carry out any crime or atrocity they like, as long as they use big words that sound clever!
==December 8==
Panel 1Nathan still has his hands on Red's shoulders, but now Red has her hands on his elbows as they stare into each other's eyes.Panel 2Close-up as Nathan and Red move closer to touch muzzles, Red closing her eyes as Nathan touches her face.Panel 3Richard stands behind Nathan, crossing his arms with a smug expression as Nathan and Red look up at him with eyes bulging, Red blushing.Richard: Kingston is being a whiney bitch about you using his room, so I was going to suggest a hotel... I don't think I'll bother now.
==December 9==
Panel 1Silhouettes of Red and Nathan standing near some silhouetted cars. Shadows of a building and sign are behind the silhouettes.Caption: LATER...Nathan: A travel lodge is hardly the Grand, but it'll do. Well, this is it I guess.Panel 2Close-up of Red and Nathan facing but looking away from each other, Red with her hands behind her back and head bowed, Nathan with his hands in his pockets. Nathan has put away his glasses.Red: Will I ever see you again?Nathan: I don't know, but it's unlikely. Win or lose, they probably won't want me talking to the public too much.Panel 3Red and Nathan look at each other. Nathan shrugs.Red: So I suppose this is goodbye then?Nathan: I guess... "Bye."
==December 12==
Panel 1Close-up of Nathan asleep.Caption: THE NEXT DAYPanel 2Closer close-up of Nathan opening his eyes.Panel 3Overhead view of Nathan looking into the camera (at the ceiling) as he lies on the right side of the bed (when lying down), the left side empty (his left). Nathan's face is blank as he "*SIGH*"s, his right arm laying on top of the blanket pulled up to his chest.
==December 13==
Panel 1View of the shower from outside of the bathroom looking in. Nathan is silhouetted through the semi-opaque glass door, head drooped against the shower wall under the shower head, and the edge of a toilet is visible in the lower right.Nathan (thinking): You did the right thing! You know you did! You had to push her away, no matter how much you wanted her!Panel 2Close-up of Nathan, head against the wall. His fur is matted and wet, and water is dripping down his face and shoulder.Nathan (thinking): She's got her whole life ahead of her, and you don't want to ruin that because you fucked up yours! God my head hurts! It hurts more than it did yesterday! Not the best time to try to think!Panel 3Nathan lifts his head slightly, eyes squinting in anger and teeth bared.Voice (off-panel): KNOCK! KNOCK! ROOM SERVICE!Nathan (thinking): Also it won't be the best time for the stupid bitch who forgot how to read "do not disturb!"
==December 14==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black and white monochrome comic. Al is sitting on a bed, watching a television with a cable box on top of it. He looks concerned.Caption: My first reaction on seeing the Hertfordshire Oil Depot blaze:A; (thinking): Bloody hell! That looks bad! I hope nobody got killed in that!Panel 2Same as panel 1, but Al is sitting up and smiling, hands on his knees.Caption: My second reaction after I found out no one was seriously hurt:Al (thinking): Bloody hell! That looks FUCKING AWESOME!
==December 15==
Panel 1Nathan is holding open his lodge room door (number 14), looking angry and only wearing a towel wrapped around his waist. There is a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign on the knob.Nathan: LOOK! I put the bloody "do not disturb" sign up for a...Panel 2The camera rotates to show Red standing in the hallway looking smug, as Nathan pokes his head out the door.Nathan: Red?Panel 3Close-up of the Governor, looking VERY angry.Caption: ELSEWHEREGovernor: RRRRRRRRRRRRPanel 4Kevin and Brain are looking toward the camera, concerned. The Governor's head is visible at the bottom of the panel.Kevin: ...So he's been like this since you told him Naps escaped?Brain: Yes, accept the growling has got progressively louder!
==December 16==
Panel 1Red leans in close to Nathan, who is staring into Red's eyes, as Red touches his nose with one finger and holds another finger up to her lips.Nathan: I...Red: Shhhh!Panel 2Visually the same layout as panel 1, but instead of Red and Nathan, the Governor is screaming and pointing at Kevin.Kevin: I...Governor: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
==December 19==
Panel 1Red and Nathan clasp the back of each other's necks as they kiss.Panel 2Visually the same layout as panel 1, but instead of Red and Nathan, the Governor is throttling Brain's neck, his eyes red as his nose touches Brain's.Brain: I SAID I WAS SORRY SIR!
==December 20==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black and white monochrome comic. Al is wearing a Santa hat and boredly gesturing to his left.Caption (Al): I wasn't going to touch on this topic because it has already been done to death and it's so mind numbingly stupid. However it pisses me off that few take a rational approach to this, and take their oh-so irritating black and white view to it. I'm talking of course, about saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas."Panel 2Al is angrily glaring into the camera (...through his hair).Caption (Al): To the Christian fundies: Remember that Christmas is nothing more then the winter solstice, practised by many different religions for thousands of years before Christianity even came into existence! All "holy days" are little more then druid festivals with Jesus painted over them to brainwash the masses. In short, fuck you! I'll call it whatever the fuck I like!Panel 3Al is angrier, gesturing at the camera (mostly off-panel).Caption (Al): But to all those wet, ultra PC cunt rags: PLEASE DIE! So you might not be a Christen and you don't like the idea of Christmas. Well boo-fucking-hoo! Okay, if you don't like Christmas, go to work on the 25h! Oh you won't? So you're just doing this "un-PC" thing jsut to be a dick head then? Well then, merry Christmas to you, ya fucking arsehole! Hope you're proud of yourself!
==December 21==
Panel 1Red and Nathan are grabbing each other's hips as they grind up each other's crotch, still kissing as they move back inside Nathan's room.Panel 2Visually the same framing for the background items as in panel 1. Kevin is standing outside the door and cringing as he looks away, while the Governor enters the room, "smoke" billowing from his head as he grits his teeth and clenches his fists in frustration.Panel 3Close-up of the Governor from over the shoulder as he glares at the camera.Governor: CLOSE THE DOOR!Panel 4Nathan's door closes with a "CLUNK!"Red (off-panel): *giggle*
==December 22==
Panel 1The Governor stares out his office window from behind his desk, arms crossed and still angry. Kevin, on the other side of the desk, looks at the Governor from over his shoulder with an angry/annoyed expression.Governor: Well I think we can finnaly chalk up the "Dirty Half Dozen" experiment as a failure!Kevin: What makes you say that? We've got plenty out of that project!Panel 2View from behind Kevin's back as the Governor turns his head and glares at him.Governor: True, we have four of them in jail we can't release because they know too much, one on the run and one in a jar we can't get rid of because every time we try the system goes down!Kevin: With all due respect sir, without them we wouldn't HAVE a system! Right now we would be trying to debug some closed bid, American crap we all know would never work!Governor: Yes, instead we have one that does work, but we just don't know how!
==December 23==
Panel 1Camera view looking at the Governor from the front, with Kevin in the background. The Governor is stroking his chin while Kevin squints, thinking.Governor: Well one thing is for certain, if Nathan is receiving outside help then he must be guilty of something!Kevin: hmmmPanel 2Close-up of Kevin thinking.Kevin: I don't know sir. Remember the whole reason for the project was to keep those six dipsticks out of the hands of others. Remember how hard the American's tried to get Chris? Maybe the whole thing was a set up to grab Nathan!Panel 3The Governor is furious again, glaring over his shoulder.Governor: Shit! You could be right! And I'll be it'll be someone on "our side!" I HATE doing the paperwork for "accidentally" pushing them under a train!
==December 26==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black and white monochrome comic. Bubbles appear at the bottom of the panel, popping on their way up.Al (off-panel): *GROAN*Panel 2The top of Al's head appears at the bottom of the panel.Al: What the...?Panel 3Al is annoyed, reaching over the bottom panel's border as he glares at the camera (sort of, through long bangs).Al: You're looking for a comic on Boxing Day? God, don't you people have homes to go to? Families to see? Hangovers and swollen guts to nurse?
==December 27==
Panel 1The Governor faces aside but glares and points at the camera.Governor: Okay Kevin, let's run with your idea for awhile. Who would know about Nathan, could make use of him and has the balls to steal him from under our nose? What was his contribution to the project first of all?Panel 2Close-up of Kevin, looking annoyed, also at the camera.Kevin: He did all the audio software and hardware. Phone hacks, voice recognition, that sort of thing. Not of interest to foreign powers, but it's extremely tempting to the private sector, and the phone companies have knowledge of GCHQ activities.Panel 3The Governor faces away from Kevin as both of them sneer.Governor: Well until the nurse shows up again, it's a good place to start. Better then, say, a bunch of pompous half-wits chasing a known phreak's mobile phone around Paris! We could tell them it's a decoy, but ... Nah!Kevin: Love MI5 don't you?
==December 28==
Panel 1The Governor crosses his arms and glares out the window.Governor: Okay, we have some usual suspects, but what about Nathan himself.Governor: Before you seemed adamant that the security breaches wasn't his fault. Why?Panel 2Close-up of Kevin looking at the ceiling and rubbing his chin in thought.Kevin: I think I know him and it's just not his style! He was the only one of the six we didn't have to threaten to get him to work for us. He LIKES this job! Maybe it was him though. It could be that someone has him in a tight spot!Panel 3Exterior shot of Nathan's hotel room (14) with a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign that is gently shaking along to "*SKREE!* *SKREE!* *SKREE!* *SKREE!* *SKREE!* *SKREE!* *SKREE!* *SKREE!*" sounds.
==December 29==
Sticky the Stick Man
Panel 1Extremely simple drawings of Sticky and a house in the distance. Sticky is raising a hand and smiling(?).Sticky: Yep, there's no real comic today because Alan slept through most of yesterday!Panel 2Sticky is extremely annoyed, showing it in his face and posture. A large bomb is dropping through the sky, over the house.Sticky: Sure it made him feel a hell of a lot better, but it's hardly fucking professional is it?Panel 3Sticky has a shit-eating grin on his face, slouching. The bomb explodes the house in a mushroom-shaped cloud.Sticky: Oh, and while you were out, I broke into your house and had a shit in your water tank!
==December 30==
Panel 1Nathan and Red are lying in bed together. Red is hugging him with a grin on her face, eyes closed, while Nathan is giving the ceiling a disappointed look.Panel 2Nathan looks away from Red as she looks at him in surprise.Nathan: We shouldn't have done that!Red: What? Why not?Panel 3Nathan turns his head toward Red but looks up at the ceiling again. Red glares at him.Nathan: Well we've hardly known each other a day, and I've got god knows who chasing after me and so it's not at all safe to be here! Also there's the doctor, patent thing before we even start on the interspecies thing...Red: This didn't bother you five minutes ago!
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