Songs

==Original Songs==
===Season 1===
=== Season 2===
===Season 3===
====Candy!====
Unknown - Full Bars
Candy!
candycandycandycandycandycandycandycandycandycandy
Candy! Candy!
Candy! Candy!
Candy! Candy!
Candy!
====Cooper's Work Song====
Cooper - Bob Fires the Kids
Well, we work and we work and we work all day
Work, work, work in America, work
And we're workin' in the weeds and American work
And workin' in the weeds and a work, work, work
And worky-work-work, and come on, Gene
Pick up the pace, come on, buddy, there we go
====Parakeet in Your Hat====
Mickey - Bob Fires the Kids
(muffled music)
(Linda:) Bob?
(Bob:) Hmm?
(Linda:) Mickey's playing his calypso again, can you say something?
(Bob:) You go.
(Linda:) C'mon! Get up!
(Bob:) All right!
(Mickey:) Ay-oh-no, ay-no-oh
Ay-no-oh, ay-no-oh
Is dat a parakeet in my hat?
No, no, no, dat's not a parakeet in ya 'at
Is dat an alligator ((Bob:) Mickey!) want to eat da parakeet ((Bob:) Mickey!)
Da alligator say ((Bob:) Mickey!) no I do not want da parakeet ((Bob:) Hello, Mickey!!)
(Mickey:) Oh, ho-ho, hey, Bob!
(Bob:) What's that?
(Mickey:) Oh, this? You ever see this movie? It's great! (music stops) It's a guy, he wants to be big, then he gets big, he doesn't wanna be big anymore, then he gets small, but the suit's too big.
(Bob:) I'm talking about behind the poster, Mickey.
(Mickey:) Oh. Uh...
(Bob:) Are you making a hole in my wall?
(Mickey:) No no no! I was fixing that!
(Bob:) Fixing it with a pick?
(Mickey:) Yes.
(Bob:) Mickey?
(Mickey:) All right, look, Bob, don't tell anybody but I'm digging my way to the bank.
(Bob:) What?
(Mickey:) Day-oh-oh, ay-oh
Ay, oh-oh, ee-oh
Is dat a parakeet in my 'at?
Ay-yo, a parakeet in my 'at
He said, no no no no no
Dat's a not a parakeet
Da alligator said you give me parakeet
And de alligator went to a house
He went to my house
He went a to my house
He say, a-where you get da house?
I say a from a parakeet
He say a parakeet make dat house?
I said yes
Parakeet make my house
====Kill the Turkey====
Linda - An Indecent Thanksgiving Proposal
(Bob:) Uh, no no no.
(Linda:) Pass the cranberry sauce, we're havin' mashed potatoes!
Ooh the turkey looks great
Thank you for lovin' me
(Bob:) Lin...
(Linda:) Thank you for bein' there
(Bob:) Please...
(Linda:) Thank you for lovin' me
(Bob:) Oh, God...
(Linda:) Everyone's thankin'
The ((Bob:) Lin...) whole world's thankin' you
(Bob:) Stop, Lin, stop.
(Linda:) Thankin' us for thankin' you
(Bob:) Lin!
(Linda:) Kill the turkey
(Bob:) LIN!!!
(Linda:) Eat a whole bunch of stuff
We're gonna take our pants off
Oh, I'm feelin' so fat
Thank you for lovin' me
(Bob:) Lin...
(Linda:) Thank you for bein' there
(Bob:) Please...
(Linda:) Thank you for lovin' me
Everyone's thankin'
The ((Bob:) Lin...) whole world's thankin' you
Thankin' ((Bob:) Stop.) us for thankin' you
Kill the turkey
Kill the turkey, yeah!!
====The Diarrhea Song====
Linda - Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks
Running down the gutter with a piece of bread and butter
Diarrhea *two raspberries*, diarrhea *two raspberries*
Running down the gutter with a piece of bread and butter
Diarrhea *two raspberries*, diarrhea *two raspberries*
Some people think it's funny but it's really wet and runny
Diarrhea *two raspberries*, diarrhea *two raspberries*
Sorry we're late. Bob had diarrhea!
(Laughs) Ew!
What?
(Gene (spoken):) I love you mom.
====Bob's Burgers Jingle====
Gene - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene
Have a feast,
For your face,
Have a burger at Bald Bob's!
====Mort's Jingle====
Gene & Mort - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene
If you got yourself a stiff
Don't dump it in a ditch
Take your corpse to Mort's
(Mort:) THAT'S ME!
====Break up with Courtney Song====
Louise - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene
Told you to break up with Courtney
and you didn't listen
and now you're stuck with her forever
SO SUCK IT!
====Big Old Buns====
Doug Wheeler - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene
Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum
Blazing beef, and big old buns!
Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-BUN-BUN!
Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum BUN-BUN!
====Silent Love====
Gene and Courtney - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene
(Courtney:) Attention, everbody, look at me, birthday girl talking! C'mon! Everyone!
(Doug:) They make a cute couple, huh?
(Bob:) They certainly are... standing next to each other.
(Courtney:) Mr. Belcher! I said attention!
(Bob:) He talked first...
(Doug:) He asked me a question.
(Courtney:) (sighs)
(Bob:) No, I didn't.
(Doug:) Well, you did too.
(Courntey:) Um, okay. Anyway, Gene's written a love jingle about me and he's gonna perform it now! (slurps)
(Gene:) This is more of an "extended jingle jam slash demo reel". I call it "Silent Love".
(Courtney:) (laughs)
(Gene:) When I close my eyes, then I cover my ears,
It's almost like you are near
It's a silent love! Shhh.
(Courtney:) Silent love!
(Gene:) Shhh!
(Courtney: ) Silent love!
(Gene:) No, seriously. Shhh!
(Courtney:) Talkin' 'bout silent love!
(Gene:) Stop singing!
(Courtney:) All the ladies in the house now! Silent love!
(Tina (on Helium):) Silent love?
(Gene:) (growls)
(Courtney:) Gene! I did a "fellas in the house"! I can't do the ladies and not do the fellas!
(Gene:) JUST BE QUIET!!!
(Courtney:) LET ME SING!!!
(Gene:) NO! IT'S NOT A DUET!!!
(Courtney:) Silent love!
(Gene:) (growls)
(Courtney:) It's a sillent—
(Gene:) YOU ARE SO ANNOYING!!!
(Courtney:) What? (breathes)
(Gene:) JUST STOP SINGING, STOP TALKING, STOP BREATHING!!!
(crowd gasps)
(Courtney:) (stops breathing, faints)
(ambulance siren)
(Gene:) Do you think I've ruined her birthday?
(Louise (on Helium):) Nah!
====Silent Muffler====
Holly Schlesinger and Nora Smith - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene
When I close my eyes and I cover my ears,
It's almost like you're not here.
It's a silent muffler! Shhh.
A silent muffler! Shhh.
(humming)
(Announcer:) Now in four convenient locations! Shhh!
(Singers:) A silent muffler!
====The Harry Truman Song====
Linda - Mother Daughter Laser Razor
Here goes the hair and there goes the hair
And where is Harry Truman?
He's dead in the ground, he's dead in the ground
He’s dead, dead, dead, dead, dead!
====Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex====
Tommy Jaronda - Nude Beach
I'm a bad man with a master plan and the ladies call me Tex
And the one thing all the ladies know is I'm good at having uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh
Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex
I leave my shirt on, that's okay, don't make me feel self-conscious, babe
Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex
When you're done say that was fun, we might've made a little son
I'm good at sex You're bad at sex, I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex, I'm good at sex, you're bad at sex I'm good at sex, you're bad at se....
====Daddy====
Tommy Jaronda - Nude Beach
(Tommy:) This, uh, first song goes pretty deep. It's called "Daddy".
(Bob:) Um, at least it's, uh, a family song.
(Tommy:) Daddy! You abandoned me!
Daddy! You sold drugs to me!
Punches are not hugs to me!
(Gene:) Ah, it's no "Elderly Prostitute".
(Linda:) Bobby, you said you talked to him!
(Bob:) Um, I did. Kinda. But then he wiped our record clean!
(Tommy:) Daddy! You're my enemy!
My enemy! (Teddy sobs)
My enemy!
(Tommy and Teddy:) You are my enemy!
My enemy!
(Tommy:) No, don't.
(Teddy:) My enemy! Oh. Oh, sorry.
(Tommy:) It's just me, just me.
My enemy!
You, you, you!
====The Itsy-Bitsy Stripper====
Tommy Jaronda - Nude Beach
The Itsy-Bitsy Stripper climbed up the brassy pole
Down came her legs and wrapped around my soul
Weave your web of your sexy web weave your sexy web around me
Weave your web, weave your naughty web
Around my body, my beautiful body
My beautiful legs, my beautiful torso
Weave that web around me
====Sex Sex Sex Sex Sex (reprise)====
Tommy Jaronda - Nude Beach
How we doin', Jimmy Pesto's?!
I'm a bad man with a master plan and the ladies call me Tex
And the one thing all the ladies know is I'm good at having uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh
sex-sex-sex-sex-sex-sex-sex
I'm good at sex, I'm good at sex
I'm very, very, very, very good at sex
I am good, you are good, too
You're learning, little by little
I'm guiding you with my hand and my arms
I'm good at sex, you're learning quick
====Buckle It Up====
Bob, Tina, Gene, and Louise - My Fuzzy Valentine
Buckle It Up,
Buckle It Up.
Buckle It Up, Or You'll Die!!!
====Two People====
Linda Belcher - My Fuzzy Valentine
Two people,
Together forever,
Security in life
And someone to love ya,
Instead of being all alone,
Such a lonely existence - I'd kill myself!
(Teddy:) Tough song. She's talkin' about us, Mort.
====Love Mission====
Unknown - My Fuzzy Valentine
Falafel (We're on a love mission)
Pizza (We're on a love mission)
All the rest (We're on a love mission)
====Can't Get Enough (Of Your Woman Stuff)====
Loren Bouchard and Nora Smith - Lindapendent Woman
You're in a dancing mood
And you're looking good
So come on, let's go!
The disco bumping
And I'm feeling something
Moving down below.
Oh, I can't get enough of your woman stuff
Oh, I can't get enough of your woman, your woman
Your woman, woman stuff!
====Linda Stocked Corn====
Linda - Lindapendent Woman
Linda stocked corn and she don't care
Linda stocked corn and she don't care
Linda stocked corn and she don't care
'Cause she's also got diced tomatoes. Whoo!
====This is Working====
Linda and Bob Belcher - Lindapendent Woman
(Linda:) Look at me I'm wrangling these carts, on my own
(Bob:) Look at me I'm chopping up this lettuce, all alone
(Linda:) I'm at work and you can hear me sing
(Both:) This is working, this is working
(Linda:) Look at me I'm sitting in this thing, is it on?
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la)
Mommy is at work and you can hear me sing	
(Bob:)Grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind, grind
Look at me I've barely even noticed that she's gone
Someone threw up In the bathroom sink
(Both:) This is working, this is working
====Electric Love====
Calvin Fischoeder and Gayle - Topsy
(Gene:) All right! Let's show these people that if it ain't man-on-elephant love, it ain't worth singin' about!
(Mr. Dinkler:) (clears throat) Attention, everyone, we have a very special treat for you. It's a musical re-imagine-actenment of the very uplifting story of Thomas Edison and Topsy the elephant!
(Fischoeder:) They say Thomas Edison, he's the man to get us
Into this century, and that man is me 
(Gayle:) They'll say "Aw, Topsy!" at my autopsy
And no one could be, more shocked than me
(Mr. Fischoeder:) I'm the best inventor at the Epicenter of new technologies
But woe is me
(Gayle) Human girls I've known some, but this world is lonesome for a guy like me
Who's into ivory
(Mr. Fischoeder:)
Though my skin is leathery, I have the perfect memory
Yes the fancy term is "pachyderm"
(Gayle:) I'm an Asian elephant, you're an angel heaven-sent Oh, be still my heart!
Do you feel that spark?
(Fischoeder:)But I never noticed the curve of her trunk
(Gayle:) And I never noticed his electric junk
(Both:) We might just have found
Electric love
Electric love
Electric love
Electric love
((Choir:)First he wanted to kill her off, now they've found an electric love)
Electric love
(First he wanted to kill her off, now they've found an electric love)
Fits like a glove
(Louise:) This is what really happened, people! THIS MAN, THOMAS EDISON, SENTENCED TOPSY, THAT BEAUTIFUL ELEPHANT, TO DIE BY ELECTROCUTION!!! HA HA HA HA!!
(Bob:) Uh-oh.
(Louise:) HERE'S YOUR HERO, DINKLER! HIT IT!!!
(Teddy:) Is that you, Louise?
(Louise:) HIT IT!!!
(Teddy:) I've been down here so long. What's it like out there? Are people still the same with their funny ways?
(Louise:) TEDDY, HIT IT!!!!
(Teddy:) Oh, right, the thing we're doin'.
(electricity crackles, Tina hyperventilates)
(Linda:) Oh!
(Bob:) TINA!!!
(Louise:) TINA!!!
(Gene:) Tina?
(dramatic music)
(Tina:) I'm okay.
(Bob:) Oh, thank God!
(Linda:) Oh! Oh, God!
(Louise:) Oof!
(Tina:) I thought we weren't doing the death scene, but I saw the sparks and went with it. Was I convincing?
(Bob:) Yes. Very.
(Louise:) Oh my God! I almost electrocuted my sister! I've become Edison.
(Mr. Dinkler:) Oh, you wish! So he electrocuted animals, so what?! As if everyone here's so perfect! (sobs)
(Linda:) Coulda asked me to sing, but whatever. I coulda sung it.
(Bob:) Louise, is there something you wanna say to your sister?
(Louise:) Tina, I'm really sorry I wanted to kill you. I got carried away with the Dinkler thing. Which worked out pretty well, but still, I shouldn't have almost killed you.
(Tina:) It's okay. This is how Topsy would've wanted it. But with more trampling people.
(Louise:) And, Gene, I'm sorry to you, too. Your song was really good.
(Gene:) I know. And without a single fart sound. OH MY GOD, I FORGOT THE FART SOUNDS!!
(Fischoeder and Gayle:) Electric love
Electric love
Electric love
Electric love
((Choir:)First he wanted to kill her off, now they've found an electric love)
Electric love
(First he wanted to kill her off, now they've found an electric love)
Fits like a glove
====T.I.N.A.====
Jimmy Pesto, Jr. - Two for Tina
T is for the way you take my breath away
I is for the way I like it when you take my breath away
N is for no one else takes my breath away
and A is for Asthma that is a disease that takes people's breath away!
(Tina:) Oh, that's nice, 'cause you're a horse.
====Going to Florida====
Linda - It Snakes a Village
Going to Florida
Going to Florida
Sunshiney, Florida now-ow
Going to Florida
Florida, Florida
Everyone's going somehow
Going to Florida
Tropical Florida
Manatees Florida now.
====The Snake Song====
Gene - It Snakes a Village
I'm not afraid of ghosts
I'm not afraid of sharks
I'm not afraid of cancer
I'm just afraid of snakes
They really creep me out
Where are their arms and legs?
It's not okay!
(repeat with male chorus)
Oh, Bitsy, baby
Bitsy, I'm gonna miss ya
====Fracas Foam====
Loren Bouchard & Jim Dauterive - Family Fracas
Pizza game, talking trash
Spinning the wheel
Fracas foam, get foamed at home
There's Jimmy Pesto, he's so mad
Fracas foam, get foamed at home
Jimmy's so mad
No minivan for you
====Girls Being Girls====
Gene - The Kids Run the Restaurant
Girls, being girls, being girls, being girls, girl group
====The Kids Run the Restaurant====
Linda - The Kids Run the Restaurant
(spoken:) Hit it.
Oh, he did.
(sung:) When Bob sees blood and screams and passes out
Then Mr. Fisch checks in and cashes out
What more do you want when kids run the restaurant?
(spoken:) Hey, sailor.
Ooh, nice pants.
(sung:) Marshmallow played a game of Surgery Sam
And all this 'cause Bob cut his hand
What more do you want when kids run the restaurant?
====Coal Mine====
Boyz4Now - Boyz 4 Now
(Allen:) I'm mining the cave for love
(Boo Boo:) Don't care about the world above
(Griffin:) Down here it's dark and cold
(Matt:) I'm just looking for a nugget of gold
(Griffin:) My hat is hard but my heart is soft
(Matt:) It's dusty down here and so I cough
(All:) It's a dirty job but I ain't stoppin'
(Griffin:) I know I'm breathin' toxins but you're lookin' foxin'
(Allen:) Will you be mine?
(All:) Coal mine
(Allen:) Will you be mine?
(All:) Diamond mine
I'll pick you, can our love begin
Tell me now before my heart caves in
(Allen:) Will you be mine?
(Autotuned) Diamond miiiiiiiinnnne!
====I Wanna Hear Your Secrets====
Boo Boo - Boyz 4 Now
I wanna hear your secrets, I'm so interested in you
What did you have for lunch today? Tell me breakfast, too
Which friend are you mad at, girl? What size are your shoes?
You just went to the bathroom, number one or number two?
I want to know everything, everything 'bout you
I wanna hear your secrets I'm so interested in you
Even if it's not a secret Tell me that stuff, too
Details, I wanna know details, what's your dad's name?
Details, and your mom's
Details, any allergies?
Details, how was prom?
Interesting, so interesting.
====Whisper In Your Eyes====
Boo Boo - Boyz 4 Now
I need to show you a secret, it's gonna be a surprise
Come a little bit closer, let me whisper in your eyes
When I whisper in your eyes, don't think, don't blink
Hey, girl, shh, shush. Close your lips and open your eyes. I want your eyes to hear my lips and also my eyes. I want your lips and your eyes to come together as one so that your eyes can see your lips and that your lips can kiss your eyes and vice versa. And when lip-eyes come together in that type of direction and place, you can see my lips and my lips can see your eyes and... Pretty much that's what's gonna happen between the two of us, and then your lip-eyes will see the sun come up and we'll love the sun in the mornin' together. And then one day, our lip-eyes will see... the nighttime. Even though that it's dark, you'll still be able to see the... the moon... with your lip-eyes.
====Tell Me About Every Single Time You've Cried====
Boo Boo - Boyz 4 Now
Tell me About every single time you've cried
The first time, oh, when your goldfish died
====Big Boy Head to Feet====
Boyz4Now - Boyz 4 Now
(Matt, Griffin, Allen:) Gettin' into your booster seat
From your big boy head to your big boy feet
Gettin' into your booster seat
From your big boy head to your big boy feet
(Boo Boo:) From my big boy head to my big boy feet
====I've Got a Yum Yum====
Linda, boys, girls - Carpe Museum
(Bob:) You do realize you almost made Rudy die.
(Louise:) Almost dyin' is the best part of livin'. It's called "almost lived dyin'".
(Bob:) Huh. So when you run the restaurant, will you call it Louise's Burgers?
(Louise:) I 'unno. Maybe. Daddy.
(Linda:) Boom, chaka, boom, chaka, boom, boom, boom
(Boys and Girls:) Boom, chaka, boom, chaka, boom, boom, boom
(Linda:) Weeda, weeda, weina, weina, weina, wang
(Boys and Girls:) Weeda, weeda, weina, weina, weina, wang
(Linda:) Boys are from Mars,
Girls are from Venus,
I've got a yum-yum, you've got a penis
(Boys:)Boys are from Mars
(Girls:) Girls are from Venus
(Boys and Girls:) I've got a yum-yum, you've got a penis
(Linda:) Boom, chaka, boom, chaka, wang
(Boys and Girls:) Boom, chaka, boom, chaka, wang
(Linda:) Weeda, weeda, weina, boom, boom, boom
(Boys and Girls:) Weeda, weeda, weina, boom, boom, boom
(Linda:) Chaka, weina, wang, weina, chaka, weina
(Boys and Girls:) Chaka, weina, wang, weina, chaka, weina
(Linda:) Boom, chaka, wang, weina, boom, boom
(Boys and Girls:) Boom, chaka, wang, weina, boom, boom
(Linda:) Shake your hips, wiggle your butt Drop your pants, pick 'em back up
Weeda, weeda, weina, chaka, weeda, weeda, weina, chaka Weeda, weeda, weina, chaka, weeda, weeda
====It's Electric====
Unknown, Tina - The Unnatural
You can't see it It's electric!
(Tina:) Boogie woogie woogie
You gotta feel it It's electric!
Ooh, it's shakin' It's electric!
(Tina:) Boogie woogie woogie
Jiggle-a-mesa-ma, she's a-pumpin' like a
Chicka-chicka-fo-ka-chicka-cha-ki
She sure got the boogie
Now you can't hold it It's electric!
(Tina:) Boogie woogie woogie
===Season 4===
====We're Coming For Ya====
Loren Bouchard & John Dylan Keith - A River Runs Through Bob
(Linda:) What do we do?! The kids must be worried sick about us!
(Bob:) We need to go straight across!
(Linda:) Are you sure, Bobby?
(Bob:) Yes, I'm sure! The right way is... that way? That might not have sounded like I'm sure, but I'm sure.
(Linda:) All right. You're the Nature Master. We're comin' for ya, kids!
(Tina:) We're comin' for ya, Mom and Dad!
(The kids:) (screaming)
(Singers:) Kids, we're coming for you
Underwear, flying in the air
We're coming for you, now we're falling
We're snacking and tubing and laughing and splashing and craaaaaaaaawling
(Bob:) Oh, Linda! (groans)
(Linda:) Oh, so hungry, Bobby! Oh my God I ate an ant! Oh my God I just ate another one!
(Bob:) Lin, what are you doin'?
(Linda:) (eating noises) They're not bad.
====Rain, Rain, Flash, Flash====
Thundergirls troop leader, Thundergirls and Tina Belcher - A River Runs Through Bob
Rain, rain
flash, flash
Thundergirls wear a Thunder sash.
Honor, friendship, trust, integrity
french braids, sunscreen, skits and jellybeans (Rain, rain! Flash, flash!)
Tundergirls are vowed to sing this song of nature, friends and things. (Thundergirls wear a thunder sash!)
(spoken:) I'll be a thundergirl, till I'm six feet under-girl, uhh, that's right, I'll be a Thundergirl!
====Candy Randy====
Unknown - Fort Night
Who's that guy?
He knows all the sweets
Who's that guy?
He mapped out the streets
Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandy
Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandy
It's my favorite blog
Just don't tell my mom.
====Quicky Kiss It====
Loren Bouchard - Seaplane!
Quicky Kiss-it 
Quicky Kiss-it
Quicky Kiss-it
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah
Quicky Kiss-it
Whoo! Quicky Kiss-it
She's kissin', she's kissin'
She's kissin' so quick
Quicky Kiss-it
Ooh! Quicky Kiss-it
Uh-huh, Quicky Kiss-it Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah
Quicky Kiss-it, Uh-huh, Quicky Kiss-it Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah
====Sneaky Pete====
Nora Smith & Loren Bouchard - My Big Fat Greek Bob
(Linda:) Wha... What are we workin' with here? What's going on? Are these cougars?
(Singers:) When you hear that buzzing sound
Sneaky Pete is coming 'round
All the girls like to get freaky
With a freak that's pretty sneaky
Light some candles, draw a bath
For Sneaky Pete, you do the math
He will catch you off your feet
And his name is Sneaky Pete
(instrumental)
He is Pete, and he's freaky, freaky, freaky Sneaky Pete
He's unique-y, nique-y, nique-y Sneaky Pete
Make you shrieky, shrieky, shrieky Sneaky Pete
(Louise:) Woo! Tonight everybody gets hazed!
(Gene:) My sisters are my brothers! I'm gonna go pee out a window!
(Bob:) Wait. Why is everybody holding vibrators?
(Singers:) He is Pete
And he's freaky, freaky, freaky Sneaky Pete
He's unique-y, nique-y, nique-y Sneaky Pete
Make you shrieky, shrieky, shrieky Sneaky Pete. (Ah-ha!)
So sneaky
He is Pete, and he's freaky, freaky, freaky Sneaky Pete
He's unique-y, nique-y, nique-y Sneaky Pete
Make you shrieky, shrieky, shrieky Sneaky Pete
(Linda:) I want to go home with you with your bedside drawer and live there forever.
====Gravy Boat====
Gayle and Linda - Turkey in a Can
(Gayle:) A-ding, a-ding
(Linda:) A-what's that sound?
(Gayle:) It's the gravy boat
(Gayle and Linda:) A-comin' around
(Gayle:) It's not a navy boat
(Linda:) It's the gravy boat
(Gayle and Linda:) Filled with bravery, savory, sailor folk
(Gayle:) Stuffing sailors, disembark
(Gayle and Linda:) Fill our plates and fill our hearts
Sailors in your mouth, sailors in your mouth
That's what Thanksgiving is all about.
====We Won the Talent Show====
Bad Hair Day- Purple Rain-Union
(Emcee:) Hello, alumni of Cardinal Gennaro High! I hope everyone's having a good time! And if you're not, I'd like to see you organize something on this budget! In this timeframe! It's been really hard!
(Linda:) All right! We're about to go on! So, setlist! We'll start with "We're the Ta Tas", and then we'll go right into "You Were All Wrong About Us", and then "Oh Boy You All Got So Fat"—
(Gayle:) And then my song?
(Linda:) Yeah yeah yeah, if we have time. Everybody ready? Feel pumped? Do you feel pumped?
(Musician:) I feel bloated.
(Linda:) Good! Use it!
(Emcee:) So yeah. Divorce is hard. But you know what? Ya get up in the morning and you— What? (gasps) Oh my goodness! Recent developments to announce! We thought they couldn't come, but they're here! Our very own Bad Hair Day!!
(Bob:) What?
(Linda:) Gah!
(Lead Singer:) We're back where we started! It's like the talent show all over again, huh?! First place, took home the gold! And then our next gold WAS A GOLD RECORD!
(Lead Guitarist:) (laughs)
(Lead Singer:) Got a Ph. D. in rock and roll!
Got an Honorary Doctorate in never gettin' old!
My day job is stayin' up all night!
My hobby is bein' impolite!
My memory is my guitar!
My friends are all my seven cars!
I've done home runs with all my aunts!
I've never had a menstrual cramp!
(Lead Singer and Lead Guitarist:) But, yeah, life's so great!
We made lots of dough!
We sleep all day!
(Lead Singer:) Cuz we won the talent show!
Got a G.E.D. in bein' mean!
Lookin' at my horse and makin' it rain!
My Bachelor's in breakin' stuff!
My Associate's in talkin' tough!
I've never had to change my pants!
I've never moisturized my hands!
[indistinct] 101!
I went on a mountain in Vermont!
Thank you, little people! We're not gonna stay and mingle!
(Lead Guitarist): Good night!
(Lead Singer:) Woo! Good luck, Taters!
(Linda:) Ta Tas!
(Lead Singer:) Right right right.
====We're the Ta Ta's====
The Ta Tas - Purple Rain-Union
We're the Ta-Ta's and we're gonna rock ya
We like to cha-cha and eat frittatas
====Derek Dematopolis====
Gayle and Linda - Purple Rain-union
Derek Dematopolis
Your neck hair makes me weak.
Won’t you enter my Acropolis
and make my yogurt Greek?
Derek. Derek.
Let’s you and me make a we-union.
Derek. Derek.
Let’s you and me make a we-union.
To-night.
To-night.
To-night.
To-night.
====Not Bad for Having Three Kids====
The Ta Tas - Purple Rain-Union
(Linda:) Yeah! Let's rock!
I've still got my (Linda and Gayle:) sexy parts!
(Linda:) Still I've got (Linda and Gayle:) two out of five!
(Linda:) I've still got (Linda and Gayle:) two out of five!
(Linda:) I've still got my sexy parts!
Still I've got two out of five!
(Gayle:) She's still got two out of five!
(Linda:) You know it!
(Linda:) This is down here but it should be up there
This is kind of loose and I think it might tear
(Linda:) This is lumpy ((Gayle and Angie:) Yeah it’s lumpy)
(Linda:) This is saggy ((Gayle and Angie:) Yeah it’s flabby)
When I bend down I pee a little bit
But it’s not bad, not bad for having three kids! ((Gayle:) Or three cats!)
(Linda:) These are the ones from from the song. The song's about them.
((Gayle and Angie:) Not bad for having three kids!
((Angie:) Drum, pop, drum, pop
((Gayle and Angie:) Not bad for having three kids!
====Jingle in the Jungle====
Steven Davis and Kelvin Yu - Christmas in the Car
Hoo, ha, hoo, ha (animal screeching) Hoo, ha, hoo, ha
Jingle in the jungle, hope you bringle me a bundle
Tingle on my tingle Santa, bring my favorite thingles
Some mittens for the monkeys but make sure they're pretty funky
Some leggings for the lion, but remember he's size nine
Frogs and gators and monkeys immense
Everybody jingle to the jungle dance
We have candles and lights and jingle
====Slumber Party Fashion Show====
Loren Bouchard & Nora Smith - Slumber Party
Slumber party fashion show
Lookin’ good from head to toe
Slumber party fashion show
Lookin’ good from head to toe
Slumber party fashion show
Lookin’ good from head to toe
Slumber party fashion show
Ooh! Ah
Ooh! Ah
Ooh! Ah
Ooh! Ah
====It’s Not Magic, It’s Tragic====
Loren Bouchard - Presto Tina-o
Don’t mix romance with magic.
Ooh, she’ll take the straitjacket.
Don’t mix romance with magic.
(scatting)
Don’t mix romance with magic.
Ooh, she’ll take the straitjacket.
Abracadabra-ca-dab!
It’s not magic, it’s tragic.
Ooh, she’ll take the straitjacket.
It’s not magic, it’s tragic.
(scatting)
It’s not magic, it’s tragic.
Ooh, she’ll take the straitjacket.
Abracadabra-ca-dab!
====Gas Class====
Gene - The Frond Files
Gas class!
You wanna pass gas class?
You gotta pass gas
====The Fart Song====
Wagstaff School students - The Frond Files
(Mr. Frond): You come outta there right now!
(Gene:) Oh, I'm not coming out! But this is!
When you feel like school has sucked the wind out of your sails
Remember that it's cool, to use the wind that's in your tails
(Gene:) Fart, fart, fart Fart, fart, fart, fart
Every fart is a work of art
Don't know where to begin? Don't know where to start?
Farts will set you free
(All:) It's that gas from your ass, it's that toot from your boot
That hum from your bum, it's that loot in your chute
All that air from your own derriere
Come on and set it free
'Cause farts are liberty
(Gene:) What do we want to do?
(All:) Fart, fart!
(Gene:) Open up your butt cheeks
(All:) This is how our butts speak.
(Gene:) Let's go, (All:) Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart!
(All:) It's that gas from your ass, it's that toot from your boot
That hum from your bum, it's that loot in your chute
All that air from your own derriere
Come on and set it free
'Cause farts are liberty
'Cause farts will Set you Free!
(Linda:) (sobs)
(Bob:) Are you crying?
(Linda:) It's so beautiful. His farts set them free. He's a hero, don't you get it?
====Tammy====
Unknown - Mazel-Tina
She's Tammy, she's glammy, she's just a little hammy
If she sang a song right now she'd probably win a Grammy
You know who I'm talking of So why don't you all say mazel tov, Tammy, yeah.
====Chugga Chugga, Choo Choo, Happy Birthday To You====
Wine Rail employees - The Kids Rob a Train
Everybody watch your backs the birthday train is on the tracks
Put some wine in your glass, 'cause your life is moving fast
So drink your day away
===="The Equestranauts" Theme Song====
The Belcher Family and Teddy
(Bob:) Hey, Tina, you must be enjoying having Chariot ba— Hey, what's going on?
(Tina:) I'm packing up Chariot.
(Bob:) What? Why?
(Tina:) Oh, I'm just getting a little old to play with dolls, you know. But... thanks for... getting her back. Hooray.
(Bob:) Tina?
(Tina:) What?
(Bob:) Play with the doll.
(Tina:) But I'm too old to—
(Bob:) TINA, PLAY WITH THE DOLL!!!
(Linda:) Play with the doll, Tina! Come on! Do what Daddy says!
(Bob:) PLAY WITH IT!!!!
(Tina:) Okay, I'll— Neigh.
(Bob:) Make it jump!
(Tina:) Um, well, D— She doesn't jump.
(Bob:) I KNOW IT DOESN'T JUMP!! You know how I know that?
(Tina:) 'Cause—
(Bob:) 'CAUSE I READ 1200 PAGES OF EQUESTRENAUT CRAP!!!
(Tina:) Uhh...
(Bob:) Keep playing with it!
(Tina:) Okay, uhhh. Goodnight.
(Bob:) Goodnight.
A bond of friendship, greater than any force in the universe,
A bond of friendship, greater than any force in the universe
Mini and Peggy-sis, flying in clouds so high
Headhorn and Chariot, come to my place tonight
Equestranauts, we're brothers forever
Equestranauts, we're bonded together
Bonded together, Equestranauts
Equestranauts
====Nice Things Are Nice====
Bob, Calvin Fischoeder, Fanny, Linda, Tina, Gene and Louise - Wharf Horse (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part I)
(Bob:) I know you're already a wealthy-ish guy
But think of what that condo money could buy
And I'd open up Bob's Beach Burgers and Fries
Oh, nice things are nice
(Calvin (spoken):) Uh-uh, not interested
(Bob:) Your own private island, a million eye patches ((Calvin:)No, I don't think so)
A gold swimming pool l to hold all of your cashes (No, sorry, Bob)
I'd hire real waiters who all have mustaches (No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no)
Oh, nice things are nice
(Fanny:) Soon you will see just how nice life can be
When you start raking in condo people's money
(Linda) Ooh, I love this dress, does it come In size three?
(Fanny (Spoken):) Uh-uh.
(Linda (Spoken):) Okay, six?
(Fanny (Spoken):) Uh-uh.
(Linda (Spoken):) Okay, ten?
(Fanny:)Oh, nice things are nice
(Tina:) I'm chained to Mr. Goiter ((Gene and Louise)La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la)
In hopes that they don't destroy her (La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la)
Okay, it's not a her, but I really really wanted it to rhyme (La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, laaaaa)
(Bob:) A legion of servants, all at your command
An army of tigers, like you always planned
(Calvin:) I could buy my own missiles to launch at Englaa (spoken:)ahah, nevermind, I'm not telling.
(Bob:) My sophisticated burgers they would understand.
(Bob and Calvin:) Oh, nice things are nice
(Waiter): You guys! 'Scuse me! There's no singing in here.
(Bob:) Oh.
(Waiter:) Thank you.
(Bob:) Sorry.
(Mr. Fischoeder:) Sorry.
(Bob:) Terrible.
(Waiter:) Thank you.
(Bob:) Got carried away.
====Wharf of Wonder====
Linda - Wharf Horse (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part I)
Wonder Wharf, wharf of wonder
This won't end Till Bob's six feet under
He wanted things that were nice
But will he pay the ultimate price?
Wonder Wharf, Wonder Wharf
====Bad Things Are Bad====
Bob, Calvin, Linda, Andy Pesto, Zeke, Tammy Larsen, Randy Watkins, Regular Sized Rudy, Jimmy Pesto, Jr., Gene, Teddy, Felix and Fanny - World Wharf II: The Wharfening (or How Bob Saves/Destroys the Town - Part II)
(Mr. Fischoeder:) Where's your family, Bob? Why aren't they looking for us?!
(Bob:) I don't know! Maybe they didn't get our text!
(Mr. Fischoeder:) Well, things are bad, Bob. Things are very bad.
(Bob:) I never thought this is how I would go ((Calvin:) Ooh)
Here under the pier tied to Mr. Fischoe...
...Der, but looks like Linda will be a widow (Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh)
Oh, bad things are bad
(Linda:)I fear that my Bob's in a terrible place
(Andy:) Maybe you'll find him inside Of this vase
(Zeke:) Maybe a lion is eating his face?
(Tammy:) Oh, bad things are bad
(Randy:) Maybe your Dad was tied up by a sailor?
(Rudy:) I'll help you look after I pump this inhaler
(Jimmy, Jr.:) Check out my pants, they are perfectly tailored
(Tina (spoken):) Oh, yeah, nice.
(Jimmy, Jr.(spoken):) Thanks.
(Gene:) Oh, bad things are bad
(Teddy:) Oh, I wish that Bob would come back
I could really use a big snack
Okay, it's not a burger but I'll just pretend it is and maybe cry
(Felix:) I did what I had to, I have no regrets
I murdered my brother for power and sex
What's this weird feeling inside of my chest?
(Fanny:) Why do you keep not looking at my breasts?
(Felix:) Oh, bad things are bad
(Bob:) Farewell, cruel world, looks like I'll die alone
(Calvin:) If only you'd purchased a better cell phone
(Bob:) And now I'll never know who wins Game of Thrones
(Bob and Calvin:) Oh Things are bad!
===Season 5===
====Leaves====
Peter Pescadero - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl
Red, yellow, orange and brown
Are on the tree then they fall down
====Nakatomi====
Gene - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl
Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Nakatomi, Na.....
====Katharine Parker====
Tina - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl
I'm Katharine Parker and I'm super rich
And soon you will find that I'm quite a bleep
====Business Man With a Business Plan====
Jimmy, Jr. - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl
I'm a business man with a business plan
I need a business woman with some business hands
====John and Al====
Regular Sized Rudy and Zeke - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl
(Rudy:) Why did you throw that corpse on my car?
(Zeke:) 'Cause I'm inviting you to the party, pal
Think we're gonna be great pals
(Both:) Al and John, John and Al
====Die Hard / Working Girl Musical Medley====
Various - Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl
(Linda:) (whispering loudly) My son's doing Die Hard: The Musical in the basement! It's a competing musical! It's competing with this one right now!
(Audience member:) Shh!
(Linda:) (whispering loudly) Ah, you're jealous!
(Audience member:) Shh!
(Jocelyn, Julie and Rupa:) This is a boat, a boat that is a ferry
Ferry on the water, Staten Island Ferry
(Courtney:) I'm a working girl, a workin' working girl, I'm a girl who's working
I work in New York City
(Gene:) All aboard the plane from New York to Los Angeles! (plane sounds) Thanks, Argyle! Boy, that guy on the airplane was right about taking my shoes off!
I'm a barefoot cop, oh....
(Courtney:) Coffee, coffee, coffee's all I get ((Jocelyn and Julie:)Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee)
How'm I gonna get ahead (Coffee, coffee)
(Gene:) I'm Grubin', I'm Hans Gruber and I'm Grubin'
And sometimes that can mean shootin', Mr. Takagi in the head
(Tina:) Hey, this is Katherine, you work for me
I've broken my leg while trying to ski
Do me a favor and fill in for me
Even though I stole your radio deal idea For Trask Industries
(Courtney:) You did what?!
(Gene:) Fight scene, fight scene, we're gonna have a fight scene
(grunting)
(Bob:) Oh my God!
(Linda:) Uh, excuse me. Uh, excuse me. I know, right? He's magnificent! Oh, it's warm in here! Hey, did Louise charge you five bucks?
(Bob:) Yes.
(Linda:) Alright!
(Courtney:) I have a head for business and a bod for sin
(Jimmy, Jr.) Well I want both, so count me in!
(Gene:) Oh, the life of the wife of a cop
Makes my head spin around like a top
He's always (inaudible under speech)
(Louise:) Hey hey! Five bucks!
(Doug:) What's going on?!
(Courtney:) You're doing your Die Hard musical?! Oh, I love the Holly Gennero McClane number!
I'm Holly Gennero McClane
That Johnny McClane's driving this gal insane
Oh, the life of the wife of a cop
====Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl====
Full Company featuring Carly Simon - Work Hard or Die Trying Girl
(Gene:) So I dunno if we can pull this off. I mean, we wrote and rehearsed it in under twenty minutes, but, if we do, it's because we did it together. All of us.
(Zeke:) That's exactly what people say before they make a baby I think!
(Gene:) Okay, well, without any further ado, we present to you the musical rom-com slash action thriller, Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl!
(Courtney:) Oh, no! We're a bunch of secretaries from New York held hostage in Nakatomi Towers!
(Louise:) Shush! I'm Karl, da one with beautiful hair!
(Gene:) I'm Hans Gruber! Consider yourself grubed!
(Courtney:) Tess McGill can't let a bunch of terrorists ruin her dream!
(Jocelyn:) I hope the police come soon!
(Zeke:) Ouch! Glass hurt John McClane's feet!
(Andy:) I'm Agent Johnson
(Ollie:) And I'm Agent Johnson
(Both:) And we're from the FBI
(Andy:) I'm Johnson
(Ollie:) He's Johnson!
(Andy:) He's Johnson
(Ollie:) I'm Johnson!
(Both:) Two fancy-footed federal guys
(Regular Sized Rudy:) I might just be a local cop, but will you guys back off me?
(Jocelyn:) Things are getting pretty tense, does anybody want coffee?
(Courtney:) You know, we're not so different, you and I.
We're both ambitious, Hans!
(Gene:) Tess McGill, you've stolen this Gruber's heart.
(Courtney and Gene:) Like he's/I'm stealing these bearer bonds.
(Darryl): I cracked the cooooooooooooode!
So here's the bearer bonds, which is the same as money I guess.
(Gene:) Hey, let's make that radio deal! Hip hop?
(Courtney:) Hip hop!
(Hip hop music plays)
(Gene:) Mmwah!
(Courtney:) (whispering) That's not in the script!
(Gene:) (whispering) Just go with it! They love it!
(Courtney:) (unknown sound)
(Gene:) (whispering) Is that two rows of teeth I'm feeling?
(Courtney:) (whispering) My baby teeth never fell out.
(Tina:) And Jack Trainer and I are a couple now as well, so that's good.
(Jimmy Jr.:) Hip hop! Hip hop!
(Zeke:) Hans, you're feeling love's great power
But now I gotta push you off the tower!
Come here! I'm gon' gitcha! Come on!
(Gene:) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Louise:) I'm so mad about my brother so I kill you about it!
(Regular Sized Rudy:) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
(Louise:) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!
(Zeke:) Thanks, Al!
(Courtney:) If only there was a place where we could all be happy and not get killed.
(Cast:) Maybe there's a tower, somewhere up above
Filled with bearer bonds and love, where dreams don't die hard
Maybe there's a tower, somewhere up above
Filled with shoulder pads and love
Where dreams can fly hard
(Courtney and Gene:) But until we can live in that imaginary world
We'll work hard or die trying, girl.
(Applause)
(Linda:) Yes! Yes! Woo!
(Bob:) Oh my god! Carly Simon?
("Not" Carly Simon:) Who?
(Bob:) Oh, sorry. (stammers) You look like Carly Simon.
("Not" Carly Simon:) You look like Carly Simon.
(Bob:) It's a compliment.
("Not" Carly Simon:) Back off!
(Bob:) Sorry. Jeez.
(Gene:) I smell a Tony! Which is also what happens to be what I call my farts.
(Cast:) Work hard!
Or die trying, girl!
(Carly Simon:) Ooooh....
(Carly Simon and cast:) You work hard you die hard!
(Cast:) Work hard!
(Gene:) Work hard!
(Carly Simon:) Ohhhhhhh...
(Cast:) Or die trying, girl!
(Carly Simon and Zeke:) You work hard you try hard!
(Cast:) Work hard! ((Carly Simon:) Ooooooooooooh...))
(Cast:) Or die trying, girl!
(Gene:) Yeah!
(Carly Simon and cast:) You work hard you die hard!
(Cast:) Work hard!
(Carly Simon:) No, no, no, no, no, work haaaaaaaaaaaard ((Cast:) Or die trying, girl!)
====Your Best Friend====
Linda and Teddy - Friends with Burger-fits
(Linda:) He crashes on your couch when he loses his job
A guy pulls a knife, and you jump in front
You take the blade right in the gut!
Ow! Then he holds your hand till the medic comes
You feed him soup when he breaks his jaw
You help him pee when he has that thing
He's your best friend.
(Teddy:) He crashes on your couch when he loses his job
He helps you pee when you've got that thing
He's your best friend
(Both:) Your best friend!
====Christmas Magic====
Linda and Teddy - Father of the Bob
(Linda:) Christmas magic
(Teddy:) Christmas magic
(Linda:) This time of year
(Teddy:) This time of year
(Linda:) And all the cold hungry people
(Teddy:) All those cold hungry people
(Linda:) They're dying in the streets
(Teddy:) They're dying in the streets
(Linda:) Me and my family will be warm tonight
====Happy Crappy Place====
Bob, Linda, Louise Belcher and Plants - Late Afternoon in the Garden of Bob & Louise
(Bob:) Tomatoes and sweet peas and green beans It's a dream come true
(Linda:) I wanna take her stupid neck And wring it
(Louise:) That's what I want to do, too, but with him
(Bob:) The only thing greener than these plants is my thumb
(Linda and Louise:) How did we ever get stuck with these bums? The restaurants now a crappy place
(Bob:) I think I found my happy place
I'm like a British Lady in my garden And my plants agree
(Plants:) Mm-hmm!
(Louise:) He's the most annoying person that was ever born
(Linda:) Oh, God, she brought her own tea
(Bob:) I'm the world's greatest farmer Things are growing so well
(Linda and Louise:) We're living in our own personal hell The restaurant's now a crappy place
(Bob:) I think I found my happy
(Linda and Louise:) The restaurant's now a crappy, crappy, crappy, crappy
(Bob:) Happy, happy, happy, happy Place.
====Darryl's Slow Jam====
Darryl - Can't Buy Me Math
Girl I wish you were in all my classes (Classes)
And when we kiss We hit our glasses (Glasses)
Now let's slow dance Like molasses (Molasses)
Like mo-oh-oh-la-a-a-a-a-a-asses
Thank you, good night!
====Millie's School Anthem====
Wagstaff School choir - The Millie-Churian Candidate
Millie and Louise (x4)
==== Millie and Louise Overture====
Wagstaff School marching band - The Millie-Churian Candidate
Instrumental
====I'm Jimmy, Jr. Pesto====
Jimmy Pesto, Jr., Gene, Tina, Louise and Zeke - The Millie-Churian Candidate
(Ms. LaBonz:) Before we begin, we have a message from one of the candidates for student body president.
(students groan)
(Ms. LaBonz:) Settle down. It's not Henry Haber.
(Jimmy, Jr.:) I'm Jimmy, Jr. Pesto
You know I am the best-o
I'm cooler than the rest-o
(Gene(spoken):) He wrote the hot guy manifesto
(Gene, Tina, Louise, Zeke:) We wish we were Jimmy, Jr. Pesto
(Jimmy, Jr.(spoken):) Key change
(Jimmy, Jr.:) I'm Jimmy, Jr. Pesto
You know me from the vest-o
And I'm on the questo-o
(Tina(spoken):) To be the president-o
(Jimmy, Jr.:) You wish you were Jimmy, Jr. Pesto
Let's do this! (screams)
(Student:) Oh, barf!
(Ms. LaBonz:) I wanna slap that kid.
(Student:) I know, right?
====The Sheriff Had a Piggy====
Linda - The Gayle Tales
(Gene:) A one, a two, a one two three four!
(Linda:) Oh, the sheriff had a piggy and he was mighty mad
He saw me a-coming and my wiener he did grab
Now I can't quit cryin' and life just ain't no fun
'Cause a fat dog ate my hot dog and I got nothin' but the bun
Yeehaw!
(Louise:) Wow. Wowee wow wow wow.
====Lipstick on his Pickup====
Gayle - The Gayle Tales
(Man:) Gayle! Come clean up this throw-up!
(Gayle:) There's lipstick on his pickup, there's mascara on the wheels
I looked inside the glove box and I found a red high heel
(Gene:) Well, pinch my loaf! That girl can sing!
====I'll Trade You These Tears====
Linda - The Gayle Tales
(Linda:) Psst! Hey! Stage girl!
(Tina:) Yes?
(Linda:) I need you to put a rattlesnake in someone's guitar for me.
(Tina:) Yes, ma'am.
(Linda:) I'll trade you these tears for a couple of beers and this snot for a shot of whiskey
I'll trade you these lips for a couple of sips but you better not get too frisky
====I Won't Go Solo on You====
Gayle and Gene - The Gayle Tales
(Emcee:) Let's hear it for Lindette! Now a brand new duo! He used to be Lindette's partner, and she used to be a waitress who cleaned up throw-ups. Let's give a big Nashville welcome to Gayle and Jo-Gene!
(Gene:) We call this one "I Won't Go Solo on You!"
(Gayle:) Well, I got to use the restroom but there ain't a stall for two
So squeeze on in and don't breathe in 'cause I won't go solo on you
(rattlesnake hisses)
(Gayle:) Um, I think there's a snake in my guitar.
(Gene:) Use it!
Well, I'd like to eat spaghetti but you want vindaloo
So I'll leave in a hurry and order some curry 'cause I won't go solo on you
(Both:) Oh, You and me we're together through and through
So if you move to China, I'll be right behind ya
'Cause I won't go solo on you
Yeehaw!
(Emcee:) And the winner is: Gayle and Jo-Gene and that wacky snake!
====Ring, Ring====
Tina - Li'l Hard Dad
Ring, ring, who's this calling on the phone?
It's the Wild, is anybody home?
====Shimmy Tap====
Linda - Li'l Hard Dad
And a tap and a tap and a tap-tap-tap
And we're tapping and we're spinning and we're spinning and we're tapping
And a shimmy tap, a shimmy tap
A scooby tap, a scooby tap, a wiggle tap, a jiggle tap
And a shibba-dabba, shibba-dabba scooba-dooba-doo
And no one's even looking at you, what you didn't do
And a-scabba-dooba-scabba-dooba, scabba-dooba-day
And the book report's over, and you got yourself an "A"!
====The Call of the Wild====
Linda - Li'l Hard Dad
Up here in the Klondike, it can get pretty cold
The other dogs are looking fierce so it's time to get bold
But when life gets tough, well, you just got to smile
And better answer that phone 'cause it's the call of the wild!
====Date Night====
Linda - Adventures in Chinchilla-Sitting
(Bob:) You know, me and your mom cheated at trivia tonight.
(Louise:) Really?
(Bob:) Yup. Impressed?
(Louise:) What's wrong with you? You took her to trivia? Sounds like you cheated Mom out of a date.
(Bob:) There's my girl.
(Linda:) Date night tonight, gonna go out, get some food
Have a few drinks, forget we have kids for a little bit, la, yeah
Date night tonight, yeah, gonna go out, get some food
Have a few drinks, forget we have kids for a little bit
Gonna go out, get some food
Have a few drinks, forget we have kids for a little bit, la, yeah (It's just what we do)
Date night, date night, date night, gonna go out
====Don't You Love Cotton Candy====
John Roberts - The Runway Club
(Frond:) Maybe I did rehabilitate you kids after all.
(Tina:) Yeah, maybe.
(Louise:) Ugh! I missed you, outside world! What year is it?!
(Gene:) To the candy! That's made of cotton!
(Frond:) Omigod! It's Principal Spores! All the kids are gone! Omigod! FIRE!!!! FIRE!!!!
Don't you love cotton candy?
It's made of cotton and also candy
If your fingers get sticky
Eat off your hand, lickety-licky
Don't you love cotton candy?
Ah, don't, don't, don't, don't
Don't you love cotton candy?
Oh, yeah
====I Want Some Burgers and Fries====
Tina, Gene and Louise - The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee
(Gene:) I want some burgers and fries, I want some burgers and fries
Well, there's some right here
(Tina and Louise:) Don't you tell me no lies!
====His Name is Lenny====
Darryl - The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee
(Gene:) Guys, I wrote a song for Lenny's party! Darryl, here are the lyrics.
(Darryl:) "His name is Lenny, it is not Jenny. One time he ate a penny, and he thought nobody saw." Is that true?
(Gene:) True enough. I changed the name of the guy who ate the penny from Gene to Lenny, and it was a nickel. And two pennies. And a tiny rock. All right. Follow my lead.
(Darryl:) His name is Lenny...
(clears throat) You know what? This key isn't working for me. Can we try it in E or D-flat?
(Gene:) No can do.
(Darryl:) Why not?
(Gene:) 'Cause, no know how to do. I can only play in this key. (plays chord) And I don't know which letter that is.
(recorder plays)
(Darryl:) Yeah, that's it! Here! Lemme see!
(Gene:) Uhhhh...
(Darryl:) (scats)
His name is Lenny, it is not Jenny
One time he ate a penny, and he thought nobody saw
(Tina:) Are we playing in the right key?
(Louise:) Oh, yeah!
(Peter and Rudy:) Whoa!
(Gene:) (chuckles) Well, that was a mess! Let's not do that again! Never! Right, guys? Uh, okay, all agreed.
====Ms. Merkin Plays Gene Out====
Ms. Merkin - The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee
He's a-leavin' little early, but that's okay
He seems real depressed and a...
====I Don't Need Music====
Gene - The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee
(Gene:) (groans) I don't need to be a musician! In fact I don't need music at all!
(Louise:) (sarcastically) Really? ((Tina:) What?)
(Gene:) Stop looking at me like that, keyboard! You know I'm right!
(Louise:) What would you do instead?
(Gene:) Maybe I'll be a baker, or a candlestick maker
Maybe I'll be a potter, or a teacher like "Welcome Back, Kotter"
Maybe I'll juggle or maybe I'll juice
Be a Top Gun and be friends with Goose
One thing I know for sure
I don't need music I don't need you anymore
I don't need music I'm gonna kick you right out the door
I Don't Need Music Anymore!
Ahhh! Why don't you take the hint and leave me alone?!
====BM in the PM====
Tim - Eat, Spray, Linda
BM in the PM, she does her
BM in the PM
Not number one, number two
It's a potpourri for you and me, yeah (she does her)
BM in the PM, you gotta (BM, PM)
BM in the PM (When she gotta go, yeah, she gotta go, yeah)
BM in the PM (She gotta go, yeah, when she gotta go, yeah)
'Cause when she gotta go, she gotta go
She does her BM
====I'm Falling for Helen====
Teddy - Housetrap
I'm falling for Helen and there's no tellin'
Just how far a fella can fall for sure-fitted, strong-armed, wild-eyed widow like Helen
Buh, buh-dah-dah, buh-duhm there's no tellin'
Just how far a fella can fall for a pill-poppin', home-wreckin' long-necked widow like Helen
Bah, bah-dah-dah, bump-ba Bah, da, bah-dah-dah, ba, bup (I'm falling for Helen).
===Season 6===
====It's Called Fate (And It's Great)====
Tina, Gene, Louise and unknown - Sliding Bobs
(Ron:) Hugo, did you ever feel we were... meant to be together?
(Hugo:) Not... THIS AGAIN, RON!!!!
(Tina:) It's called fate and it's great, that's an easy way to remember it (x2)
(Louise (spoken):) No, no, no, no (Sung:) Shave Dad's face, (Ooh, ooh) Belcher kids are erased (Ooh, ooh, ooh)
(Gene:) If Dad's lip has no hair, (Ooh, ooh) we never come out of there (Ooh, ooh)
(Tina:) It's called fate and it's great, that's an easy way to remember it
(unknown:) Call it fate (fate) or destiny (destiny)
Fate, fate, fate, fate, fate, fate, fate, fate
====Sneaking Out at Night====
Unknown - The Land Ship
(Ooh) Sneaking out at night
Doing wrong feels right
====Singin' a Song====
Jim Skillman - The Land Ship
I'll sing you a song, a song I'll sing
Hi houy, singin' a song
Hi houy, singin' a song
A humid night in the early spring
Hi houy, singin' a song
Hi houy, singin' a song
The British were comin', muckenders were they
Hi houy, Hi houy
Rock it, boys
With only one ship, our ribs they did prey
Hi houy, singin' this song
We bellowed and blundered and twiddled our wobbles
Hi houy, singin'... (cuts to 20th Century FOX logo)
====I Love U So Much (It's Scary)====
Boyz4Now - The Hauntening
(Boo Boo (spoken):) Hey, girl
(Allen (spoken):) Yo, girl
(Boo Boo (spoken):) Halloween has gotten so commercialized
(Matt (spoken):) So many commercials
(Boo Boo (spoken):) Let's try to get back to what it's really about
(Matt (spoken):) What's it about, Boo Boo?
(Boo Boo (spoken):) Love
(Matt (spoken):) Oh, that's right
(Boo Boo (spoken):) Yeah
(All:) When I see you, I fall apart ...Like a zombie
I got too nervous to ask you out ...To the prom-bie
I wish I could make you mine
When I open my mouth I sound like Frankenstein
Every night, I stay awake... Like a vampire
I just wanna get close to you... Hold your hand-pire
I can't think of what to say, I sound like such a dummy
You make me come unravelled, just like a mummy
Girl it's freaky (howling sound)
My heart is weaky (hisses)
My teeth are extra sharp, my body's extra hairy
I'm running in the dark, I love you so much it's scary
Ooh, yeah, scary It's scary, girl. Rap time.
I close my eyes and you're still there
You're the girl of my dreams, nope, my nightmares
You're like Jason, Mike Myers, Carrie and Freddy
But I don't want to run away, I want to go steady
(Linda:) Is that a different Allen from the last video?
(Tina:) No.
(Linda:) Yes— What? Yes, it is!
(Tina:) No, it isn't.
(Linda:) They switch Allens sometimes, Bobby.
(Tina:) No. They don't.
(Bob:) Don't tell Teddy. That's his favorite one. He's a big Allen guy.
It's Halloween (roars)
I'm scared of the dark
Going door to door
To your mama's house
I can feed her
Got to get that candy
Gotta put in my bag
Whatcha have
Ooh, trick or treat!
Girl it's freaky
You trick or treat me
My teeth are extra sharp, my body's extra hairy
I'm running in the dark, I love you so much it's scary
(repeat)
====It's Thanksgiving for Everybody====
Linda - Gayle Makin' Bob Sled
(Linda:) Aw, family! Now come on! Let's ea— Look at the food! Look at it! Don't get too close! Wow! Don't get too close. Look at me.
(Bob:) Oh, God, what happened to the vegetables.
(Louise:) Survival of the Sweetest, Dad. It's nature's way.
(Bob:) Well, uh, they look... great. You guys really came through. I mean you cooked a turkey.
(Linda:) Woo!
(Bob:) All right, let's carve it! Oh, comes off... real easy.
(Tina:) As it should.
(Gene:) Mm-hmm.
(Bob:) Uh, is this thread?
(Louise:) Yeah. What do you use to sew your turkeys?
(Bob:) Should we not eat this?
(Louise:) Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it.
(Linda:) We could, maybe, no.
(Gene:) I'll eat it.
(Tina:) Hey, look who found a plate of microwave egg rolls!
(Bob:) (humming)
(Gayle:) No no no, somethin' with a little rhythm. It's gotta be jazzy!
(Bob:) (sighs) Okay. All right all right.
(Scats)
(Gayle:) There ya go!
Oh, look at him! He loves it!
(Linda and Gayle:) It's Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving for everybody
Except for Europeans
(Gayle:) (scats)
(Linda and Gayle:) It's Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving for everybody
Except for Europeans
(Gayle:) (scats)
====Nothin' Better Than Nice Capades====
Linda - Nice-Capades
Nothin' better than Nice Capades On Christmas Eve.
====The Spirits of Christmas====
Calvin Fischoeder - Nice-Capades
Well, the last present's delivered
And the snow outside's gettin' thicker
So let's open that bottle of liquor
Hey, bourbon, take me home
On bourbon, on vodka, on scotch and on gin
Take me back, let the North Pole dancing begin
It's my party I'll be naughty get more lit than a tree
Put that elf on a shelf, Merry Christmas to me
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon, oh, bourbon, oh, bourbon, oh, bourbon, oh, bourbon, on bourbon, on bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh... bourbon
Ohhhh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon bourbon bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon
Oh bourbon, Oh, oh, oh, oh!
Everybody now
Oh, bourbon, oh, bourbon
Come on, now.
Let's hear it, Oh bourbon! Yeah
Give me another one, okay.
Oh, bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon
Bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon bourbon
Bourbon, bourbon, bourbon
B-B-B-B-Bur, bur, bur, bur, bur, bur, bur, bur, bourbon
B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-Bour-bon
Bour-bon, bour-bon, bour-bon
Bour-bon, bour-bon, bour-bon, bour-bon
Bourbon
Bourbon for me
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon
Oh, bourbon...
Take me home.
====The Nice-Capades====
Louise, Tina, and Gene - Nice-Capades
(Louise:) Hello! This year was a banner year for us Belcher kids! We did so many nice things! Too many to list! So we're going to sing them to you! Take it away, Gene, my brother!
(Gene:) I did a buncha nice things this year, but one in particular comes to mind.
Taco Tuesday was the day at school
A day that always makes me drool
But when only one taco was left
I said "Rudy, friend, you take the rest"
But the only thing left to eat
Was nuggets from the deep, deep freeze
And then those reheated evil nuggets got mad and turned into an angry tornado! Oooh!
(Linda:) I made those nugget costumes. I made 'em a few hours ago, no big deal.
(Gene:) So I did what I had to do to save the world.
I ate the nuggets
I ate the evil nuggets, yeah!
I ate the nuggets
The evil, evil nuggets, yeah!
So that's something nice I did. And now I'm gonna hand it off to my handsome sister, Tina!
(applause)
(Tina:) I kissed my family on all of their cheeks
Then I took a little walk along the beach
A horseshoe crab was on its back
Nearly having a heart attack
I didn't kick it I gently nudged it back into the sea
I didn't kick it, it had all the right number of legs when I left it, yeah
The end.
(Louise:) Ahem!
(Tina:) Oh, right.
And then I took it home and fed it, then took care of it and then it went to college and now it's a celebrity chef with all its legs, goodnight.
(Bob:) (whispering) Lin, this is not going very—
(Linda:) (whispering) Breathtaking! It's just breathtaking!
(Bob:) (whispering) Yup. Right. Yeah. That's what I was about to say.
(Tina:) And now enjoy the stylings of my super-nice sister, Louise.
(Louise:) Nice job, Tina! I think he bought it!
(Tina:) I'm just glad it's over. I feel dirty.
(Louise:) That's the spirit!
(Tina:) Thank you. Oh.
(Louise:) I did so many nice things I can barely count 'em
I regrew the rain forest, and lost puppies I found 'em
I gave blankets to cold kids and ice cream to warm kids
Shoes to the shoeless, hair to the hairless
But the nicest thing I did all year...
Uh, nicest thing I did...
I... the nicest thing... I did... I... I... I... (sighs)
I can't do this.
(Teddy:) (panting) What? What are we doin'? Do I still spin around? What do I do?! Oy gevalt.
====Amor, Por Favor (Me llamo Tina)====
Tina and Louise - The Cook, The Steve, The Gayle, & Her Lover
(English translation in parenthesis)
(Tina:) Buenos dias, ¿Cómo estás? (Good day, How are you?)
(Louise (spoken):) Love is like a beautiful flower
(Tina:) Me llamo Tina (I call myself Tina)
(Louise (spoken):) But it can also be dangerous, like a tiger with a gun
(Tina:) El perro es grande (The dog is big)
(Louise (spoken):) I mean, look at Steve. Divorce. Pain. Nothingness. Sorry, Steve
(Tina:) ¿Dónde está el baño? (Where is the bathroom?)
(Louise (spoken):) Stay single forever, protect your heart, avoid guidance counselors. The end
(Tina (spoken):) Uh, (sung;) La, la, la, Spanish, la, la, la
====It's Valentine's Day====
Gene and Courtney - The Gene & Courtney Show
(Gene:) Happy Valentine's Day, Wagstaff-inopolises!
(Courtney:) If you think fish are just the grooviest...
(Gene:) Join the Club for Marine Life Enthusiasts!
(Courtney:) Wednesdays at lunch.
(Gene:) If peanuts make you itch and wheeze...
(Courtney:) Come and listen to the speaker on food allergies!
(Gene:) Wait. What's this? An announcement just came in.
(Courtney:) (whispering) What announcement?
(Gene:) It's hard to explain it. I-I'm just gotta sing it.
If you have good times, and if you have good rhymes,
You may have found your one and only
But then the one you like-like says "Take a hike-hike"
Then suddenly you're lonely
But still be glad, even if you're sad
Take comfort just in knowing
You'll be okay, it's Valentine's Day
Your heart's not broken, it's only growing.
(Ms. Twitchell:) (whispering) That boy's got a crush on me.
(Zeke:) (sobbing) He got me! Aah! I'm doing it! Oh, God, I'm cryin'! Oh, boy, I'm weepin'! These are tears, boy!
====Cease and Desist====
John Dylan Keith - Sexy Dance Healing
(Jairo:) This is my body feeling good.
(Bob:) This is my body feeling good.
(Jairo:) This is my bowels feeling good.
(Bob:) This is my bowels feeling good.
(Jairo:) This is me tickling you! Tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle!
(Bob:) Stop! Stop!
Cease and desist, 'cause I know I can't resist you, baby
This is not just a chance to run or keep on doing my exercises, baby
Cease and desist, 'cause you know I can't resist you, baby
As you can tell by my wrist, I'm gonna keep on doing my exercises, baby
====Do The Dirty Pigeon====
Loren Bouchard and Chris Maxwell - House of 1000 Bounces
[vocalizing]
Do the dirty pigeon, do the dirty pigeon (x7)
====Two-Butted Goat====
Gene and Zeke - Stand By Gene
Two, two, two-butted goat (x6)
====Butt Phone====
Critter - Wag the Hog
Talkin' on a butt phone, on a butt phone (x6)
====Breaking Out====
The Hormone-iums - The Hormone-iums
(Announcer:) Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Wagstaff's own puberty-positive players, the Hormone-iums! Featuring Tina Belcher!
(Tina:) New friends on your face, it isn't yucky
You're breaking out and you're lucky
(All (except Tina):) Breaking out
(Tina:) Can't keep it in any more (Breaking out)
You're bursting out of your pores (Breaking out)
It's simple, it's pimples, you've got inside-out dimples
(All:) You're breaking out
(Tina:) Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
====Body Hair: Where?, There====
The Hormone-iums - The Hormone-iums
(Angela:) There's something new on me and you
Brand new fur on him and her
Hair (Where?)
There
====Mono Can Cause Death====
The Hormone-iums - The Hormone-iums
(Tina:) There's nothing you're missing, if you're not kissing
(All (except Tina):) Kissing is so scary, it will make you ill-ow
So if you want to kiss someone, go on and kiss your pill-ow
(Tina:) I never want to kiss, even if I have great breath
Kissing causes mono and mono can cause (Spoken:) Death
====No Kissing====
Tina - The Hormone-iums
No, no kissing, kissing is the worst
If you kiss me, you'll end up in a hearse
====Mononucleosis====
The Hormone-iums - The Hormone-iums
(Tina:) I though kissing would be heaven
So I kissed a boy (All(except Tina):) Or seven
(All:) Mononucleosis has got you on your knees
Worse than halitosis, it's a kissing disease
All your bad decisions have kicked you in your butt
(Tina:) If only I'd kept my lips shut
(Frond:) We're ready!
====I Love Charades====
Warren Fitzgerald - Pro Tiki/Con Tiki
I love charades, it's a fun game, I could play all day (he loves charades)
Oh, got a little pee on the seat (seat)
Ooh, got a little pee on the seat but they'll never know (they'll never know)
Ooh, got a little pee on the seat but they'll never know it was me (never know it was you)
(That pee on the seat)
====Tall Enuff 2 Ride Your Heart====
Boo Boo - Bye Bye Boo Boo
I'm tall enough to ride your heart
Keep your arms and lips inside my car
If you have a heart condition, consult your doctor before riding
Don't raise the safety bar when the car is in motion
Don't be scared, girl, I will protect you and so will the safety bar
(Ooh) I'm tall enough to ride your heart
Keep your arms and lips inside my car
(Ooh) Do not attempt to exit the car until we come to a full stop
Oh, look, they're selling a picture of us on the ride
You look really scared, not me
(Ooh) I'm tall enough to ride your heart
Keep your arms and lips inside my car
====Camp====
Unknown - The Horse Rider-er
Camp! (hmm hmmm hmmm hmm hmm)(x4)
Camp!
====Restaurant Camp====
Linda, Gene and Louise - The Horse Rider-er
Restaurant camp is the best-aurant camp
All the rest of the camps just aren't
That's why dear old restaurant camp is in our little hearts
====Yat Dat Dat Da====
Jericho the Imaginary Horse - The Horse Rider-er
(Jericho:) Yat dat dat da, dat dat dat dat dat dat da
Dat dat dat dat dat dat da, da dat da!
(Tina:) Woo-hoo!
(Jericho:) Yat dat dat da, dat dat dat dat dat dat da
Dat dat dat dat dat dat da, da dat da!
(Tina:) Woo-hoo!
(Jericho:) Yat dat da, da dat dat da
A yat dat da-dat da!
Yat dat da, da dat dat da
A yat dat da-dat da!
Yat dat da, a ya dat da
Da dat dum da dat da!
Yat dat dat da, dat dat dat dat dat dat da
Dat dat dat dat dat dat da, da dat da!
====Bad Stuff Happens in the Bathroom====
Bob and Louise - Glued, Where's My Bob?
(Linda:) Uh-oh! We got customers! Gene, put an "Out of Order" sign on the door!
(Gene:) On it!
(Linda:) Good.
(Gene:) Wait. What should it say?
(Tina:) "Out of order. Dad stuck on toilet."
(Bob:) No.
(Gene:) What about "Out of order. Toilet cursed with evil"?
(Bob:) Kids, just stop drawing attention to the door. Go help your mother.
(Gretchen:) Hi, Linda! I'm ready to make Bob pretty. I brought my scissors and my tweezers.
(Linda:) Oh. Oh, hi, Gretchen! (whispers) Gretchen's here, Bob! She's gonna get ya camera ready! Kids, go wait on the other customers.
(Bob:) Everything's gonna be okay. (sighs) Everything's gonna be okay.
Bad stuff happens in the bathroom
I'm just glad that it happens in a vacuum
Can't let them see me with my pants down
Coasters magazine is gonna be my big chance now
But I'll be outta here in no time
I'll be doing interviews and feelin' just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
I'll do Coasters magazine and blow everyone away
(Louise:) Let's be clear
I did absolutely nothing wrong, I'm not to blame, it's not my fault
This is just to say
If Gene had pooped like every day, this would have all just blown away
But he'll be out of there in no time
No one's gonna blame me, I'll be doing just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
If Teddy can't unstick my dad, I'll find another way
(Jimmy Pesto:) Hey, where's Bob? I wanna tell him I can smell him from across the street.
(Gretchen:) Yeah, Linda, where is Bob? I gotta do his hair for a big interview.
(Jimmy Pesto:) Interview? What interview?
(Gretchen:) Bob's got a big magazine interview.
(Jimmy Pesto:) What, are they writing an article about guys with mustaches you wanna punch? ZOOM! Ha ha! I say, "Zoom" now. You like it.
(Gretchen:) Eh, it's okay.
(Bob:) Bad stuff happens in the bathroom
I'm just glad that it happens in a vacuum
Can't let them see me with my pants down
Coasters magazine is gonna be my big chance now
But...	
(Louise:) Let's be clear
I did absolutely nothing wrong, I'm not to blame, it's not my fault
This is just to say
If Gene had pooped like every day, this would have all just blown away
But...
I'll be outta here in no time
I'll be doing interviews and feelin' just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
I'll do Coasters magazine and blow everyone away	
He'll be out of there in no time
No one's gonna blame me, I'll be doing just fine
Today is gonna be a great day
If Teddy can't unstick my dad, I'll find another way	
(Everyone else:) He'll be outta there...
In no time...
He'll be fi-i-i-ine...
Today is going to be a great day...
La la la laaaaaa....
===Season 7===
====Not the Forgiving Type====
Belcher Family - Flu-ouise
(Louise:) I used to trust my family
(All (except Louise):) We're sorry, so sorry
(Louise:) Now they're just a sham to me
(All (except Louise):) Did we mention that we're sorry?
(Louise:) Destroyed my favorite thing in the world
(All (except Louise):) This wasn't our best day
(Louise:) Broke the heart of this little girl
(All (except Louise):) You can slap us all in the face
(Louise:) No amount of slaps can make this right
(All (except Louise):) Oh, no, that's not good
(Louise:) I guess I'm not the forgiving type
====That Fortress is the Worstest (Bakaneko)====
Bob - Flu-ouise
That fortress is the worstest, and I think it's kind of cursed us
You can see it has immersed us in this darkness
I built a beautiful sun deck, up there in the trees
You could bring a good book there, and feel the gentle breeze
It had a lovely view of the vicinity
But then they built that fortress there and ruined it for me
====That Fortress is the Worstest (Akkoro Kamui)====
Linda and Louise - Flu-ouise
(Linda:) That fortress is the worstest and it's really kind of cursed us
You can see it has immersed us in this darkness
I threw the best swamp parties
I'd serve wine and calamaris
And we'd drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and dink and...
(Louise (spoken):) Yup, got it, we got it.
(Linda (spoken):) Hold on, I'm not done (sung) And we drink and drink and drink and drink Come on, everybody! Drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink all day!
But then the fortress made it dark and cold and that is not okay! Yeah!
====That Fortress is the Worstest (Mizuchi and Dodomeki)====
Tina and Gene - Flu-ouise
That fortress is the worstest and it's really kind of cursed us...
====Nobody's Getting In====
Louise and Bad Kuchi Kopi - Flu-ouise
(Louise:) Inside of these four walls of stone I'm finally all on my own
'Cause nobody's gettin' in
No one's on the guest list, the bouncers are my two fists
No one's gonna hurt this gal 'cause nobody's gettin' in
(Bad Kuchi Kopi (spoken):) Scat break down!
(sung) Skiddy bop-ba, skiddy bop-ooh
Skiddy bop-bop, bop ba-bop ooh
Scatting dat dat, da da da dah!
====The Fogiving Type====
Good Kuchi Kopi - Flu-ouise
You think living behind these walls
Means you can't get hurt at all
But that just makes it dark outside
And only you can bring in the light
There's just one thing that will make this right
Push that button, push that button, become the forgiving type
====Flu-ouise====
Unknown - Flu-ouise
I'm dreaming of a world where you forgive your family
You seem like a girl that would choose Good Kuchi Kopi over Bad Kuchi Kopi, yeah
That flu bug took you on a trip, a crazy tough ride
But the sickness made you better and I'm glad you didn't die
Flu-ouise (x2)
====We're Going Saling====
Linda - Sea Me Now
We're going sailing, on a motorboat
Do, do, do (multiple times)
====Halloween's Coming====
Linda - Teen-a Witch
Halloween's coming, kids are trickin', kids are treatin'
Ghosts gonna spook, pumpkins gonna pump, la
====Witchy Witchy====
Unknown - Teen-a Witch
Ha, ha, ha, ha
Witchy-witchy, pumpkin snatchy
Witchy-witchy, cursed by Jackie
Witchy-witchy, eating candy
Witchy-witchy, Jack-O-Landy
Witchy-witchy, witchy-witchy
Witchy-witchy, witchy-witchy
Witchy-witchy, witch
====Here Comes the Meat Plane====
Jack Conway, Linda and singers - They Serve Horses, Don't They?
(Jack:) Here comes the meat plane (Linda joins in:) Right to your counter (ooooohhh)
(Jack:) Here comes the meat plane (Linda joins in:) Right to your counter (ooooohhh) (Jack:) ...again
(Jack:) Here comes Jack, walking through your doorway
(singers:) Here comes Jack, right through your doorway
====The Briefest of Glances====
Tina - Large Brother, Where Fart Thou?
The briefest of glances can start the biggest romances
Our eyes were doing the dances and they were making advances
When our eyes met, I was like hey, now I bet that Joe could be the one
Are you the one?
====Gerald====
Linda - Large Brother, Where Fart Thou?
Gerald, I'm your friend
Through thick and through thin, we'll do it together.
====It's Not Selfish to Love Shellfish!====
Tim - Large Brother, Where Fart Thou?
Nothing lifts a pal up like a scallop
It's not selfish to love shellfish!
====Is That Spark We Had Gone?====
Tina - Large Brother, Where Fart Thou?
Is that spark we had gone?
I was once so sure, now I fear I was wrong
====Thanksgiving Alphabet====
Wagstaff School students - The Quirkducers
We're so thankful for these foods we're eating
Here's a list of foods we're eating
A, apples A, apple pie
====Women's Issues Club====
Peter - The Quirkducers
I don't have a vagina, but I won't stop try'na, help women with their issues
====Peelin' the Potatoes====
Linda - The Quirkducers
Peelin' the potatoes, tryin' not to fart
I'll just let out a little one, it's my little secret
====You've Got the Guts====
Gene, Zeke, Tammy, Jocelyn and Tina - The Quirkducers
(All (except Tina):) We're going to dinner, we're going to dinner
(Zeke:) Look at all of us ("these" is sung during credits/soundtrack version) plump and popular turkeys
(Gene, Tammy, and Jocelyn:) We're gonna make (Zeke:) Great Thanksgiving dinner guests
(Tammy:) Yeah, because we're conventionally attractive turkeys
Not like that quirky turkey over there
(Tina (spoken):) Hi
(Jocelyn:) Ew, don't talk to us (Tammy:) Yeah, go away, we've been invited
(Both:) To special dinners as special guests
(All (except Tina):) We're going to dinner, we're going to dinner
We're so glad that we're not not going to dinner
(Jocelyn:) Like that quirky turkey, ew
(Tina:) Why can't I be like the other turkeys?
They're all off ("out" is sung during credits/soundtrack version) having fun
Is it 'cause I'm scrawny and have glasses and rather smallish buns?
There he is, my crush
The most handsome pig, what a rush Yeah!
Man, oh, man, I dig that pig
(Gene:) I thought I was a guest, but they just want me for my breast
(Zeke:) Much to my surprise they're all staring at my thighs
(Tammy:) They all look starving and ready for the carving
(Gene:) Why don't they eat a pig instead? (Jocelyn:) Oh my God, ("Oh, God," is sung during credits/soundtrack version) they're chopping off my head (all scream)
(Tina:) I used to spend my time wishing for a plump behind
But now those birds with perfect bodies are decapitated hotties
I wished I was someone else but it takes guts to be yourself
Now I've got the guts, I've got the glory
I like my scrawny (credits version cuts off here, soundtrack version continues) stuff and I'm here to tell my story
I've got the guts, do you have the guts to be yourself?
(not heard on credits/soundtrack version)
I'm happy to be who I am
Now I'm gonna see about a pig before he becomes a ham!
====You Can't Spell Christmas Without Us====
Linda, Oscar, August, Samuel and Randolph - The Last Gingerbread House on the Left
(Linda:) I can spell Christmas without a you
(Oscar joins in:) But that would break my heart in two
(All:) You can spell Christmas without me
But that would be a tragedy
We need S and U's this time of year, because...
Because we can't spell Christmas without "us" (x2)
====Watching You From a Distant Place====
Unknown - "Ex MachTina"
Watching you from a distant place
I'm calling you from my home base
My satellite's spinning right out of control
Transmission to the moon, now my message is go
And the moon is so cold, it's so cold
I can see food on your face
Watching you from a distant place
===="Jimmy, Jr.'s Musoems"====
Jimmy Pesto, Jr. - "Ex MachTina"
Dad, I used your cologne 'Cause you won't buy me my own
Cars All the different cars
My mom's new friend Allen, he's okay
Breakfast!
What if God's name was Todd?
Pants are pretty great
How am I supposed to learn about life when you won't let me watch The Good Wife?
Why don't you eat the mushrooms If they are so good, mom?
If you want me to catch then don't throw so hard
Animal Planet, what if it was real? (I mean an actual planet for animals)
My left shoe smells, but my right one's okay
===="Sky Kiss"====
Unknown - "Bob Actually"
Ooh, sky kiss (x3)
===="Cat Trainin'"====
Unknown - "There's No Business Like Mr. Business Business"
[Chorus]
Cat training, training a cat (x3)
Put a lot of work in, get a little bit fat
(repeat chorus)
Chomp, chomp, chow, chow Meow, meow, meow, meow Ch-ch-ch-ch-chow
(repeat chorus)
===="Chunky Blast Offs'"====
Unknown - "Like Gene for Chocolate"
In the mood for a little chocolate,
I want more of that chunky rocket,
Do what you do to me,
So good and so chunky
Ready to blast off?
Blast Offs,
Blast Offs
Chunky, Chunky Blast Offs,
Ooh, hoo,
Said Blast Offs,
Yeah,
Chunky, Chunky Blast Offs,
Ooh, hoo,
Yeah,
Blast Offs
===="Dad-chelor Party'"====
Unknown - "The Grand Mama-pest Hotel"
Dad-chelor party,
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh,
Dad-chelor party,
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
He's a dad,
Dad-chelor party,
It's a dad-chelor party,
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Dad-chelor,
He's a dad,
Dad-chelor party
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
====" Tuscaloosa Twister'"====
Teddy - "Aquaticism"
Tusca, Tuscalocsa Twister,
Tusca, Tuscalocsa Twister,
Tusca, Tuscalocsa Twister,
Tusca, Tusca, 
Hey, hey, hey!
Linda, look at this!
Whoa! Whoa!
Cha-cha-cha
Wow! Whjoa!
Cha-cha-cha,
Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha,
Tusca, Tusca
Tusca, Tuscalosa Twister,
Tusca, Tuscalocsa Twister,
Tusca, Tuscalocsa Twister,
Tusca, Tusca, 
====" Meat Man'"====
Unknown - "Ain't Miss Debatin'"
Meat Man, 
Bob: Does this meat man have a name?
Louise: Yes. It's Meat Man.
Meat Man,
Bob: I like that.
Gene: "Just a piece of meat?"
Meat Man,
Gene: Wow.
Louise: Meat Man's a survivor.
No he's not fancy. He's just a proud, independent hamburger man.
And when he talks, people listen.
Meat Man
====" Street Life'"====
Teddy & Linda - "Eggs for Days"
Street life,
Because there's no place I can go,
Street life,
Is the only life I know,
Street life,
And there's a thousand cards to play,
Street life,
Until you play your life away,
Street life,
Teddy: Ba-da-bop-ba-ba-ba-da-bop,
Together: Oh, street life
Teddy: Ba-da-ba!
Together: Street life
Street life
Teddy: Ba-da-ba
Together: Ba-da-ba
===="Theme from Winthorpe Manor"====
Bob and Linda - "Zero LARP Thirty"
===="Attention Humans of America"====
Zentipede - "The Laser-inth"
(spoken:) Attention, humans of America
I am General Inzanity, and I have seized control, control, Control!
===="General Inzanity Intro" (lyrics are in background after Bob and Gene exit auditorium)====
Zentipede - "The Laser-inth"
Give my robots your guitars
The time has come to forget about who you are
Dig up those rocks and build my fortress
===="Let My People Rock (Part 1)"====
Zentipede - "The Laser-inth"
We don't need no rocks
Let my people rock
We are not machines
We like to wear tight jeans
You have no control
Let my people rock
===="Fortress of Inzanity"====
Zentipede - "The Laser-inth"
Instrumental with vocalizations
===="Let My People Rock (Part 2)"====
Zentipede - "The Laser-inth"
Instrumental
===="Roll A Rock To Rock And Roll"====
Zentipede - "The Laser-inth"
Roll a rock to rock and roll-a
Roll a rock to rock your soul A rock to rock and roll-a
Robots don't get rock and roll-a
Roll a rock to rock and soul your rock to rock and roll-a
YEAH!
===Season 8===
===="Sexy Little Tiger"====
Bob and Gene - Brunchsquatch
(Gene:) I'm a little tiger ((Bob:(spoken)) No, no, no, don't- don't do that)
(Gene:) I'm a sexy little tiger. Roar! ((Bob:(spoken)) Please, no)
(Gene:) I'm a little tiger
(Singers:) I'm a little tiger ((Bob:(spoken)) No, no, don't)
(Gene:) I'm a sexy little tiger
Shake, shake, shake
(Gene:) I'm a little tiger ((Bob:(spoken)) Gene, don't do that)
(Gene:) I'm a sexy little tiger ((Bob:(spoken)) No, no, don't do that)
(Singers:) Sexy little tiger
(Gene:) Yeah!
Instrumental
(Gene:(spoken)) I'll shake my little benedicts!
Instrumental
(Gene and Singers:) I'm a little tiger
I'm a sexy little tiger
===="Playdates"====
Unknown - "The Silence of the Louise"
Playdates, playdates, having lots of playdates
I'm gonna play with you 'til we die
Playdates, playdates, super fun playdates
Gonna play together until we die
===="Give it to Teddy"====
Belcher Family and Teddy - Thanks-Hoarding
(Linda:) An aquarium pump don't belong in the dump
Give it to Teddy ((Teddy:) I can fix it!)
(Linda:) Who really cares about two-legged chairs?
No one but Teddy ((Teddy:) I can fix it!)
(Linda:) A phone with no receiver Should be chopped up with a cleaver, 'less you're Teddy ((Teddy:) I can fix it!)
(Linda:) But is a Gerald Ford bobble-head that doesn't really bobble worth your trouble? ((Teddy:) I can fix it!)
(Teddy:) My parents were the two halves of the waffle maker ((Bob, Linda, Tina, and Louise:) That makes you the waffle (x4)
===="Christmas of my Dreams"====
Bob and Linda - "The Bleakening"
(Linda:) In my dream, you were there wearing your Christmas best
In my dream, the whole town was there saying this year's been a mess
But the eggnog flowed like a river
It made people reconsider
and come together for something bigger
It's the Christmas of my Dreams
(Linda:(spoken)) Doesn't it sound nice? Bob, write this stuff down, we need all this for the party.
(Bob:(spoken)) Lin, I'm really tired
(Linda:) We'll need five meat-carving stations ((Bob:(spoken)) I'll just make burgers)
(Linda:) Guests from faraway nations ((Bob:(spoken)) I bet Teddy will come)
(Linda:) We'll need an ice skating rink, everyone will wear skates
(Linda:) Mr. Present greets guests with a smile on his face ((Bob:(spoken)) Mr. Present sounds nice)
In the Christmas of my Dreams!
===="The Bleaken"====
Louise, Tina & Gene - "The Bleakening"
(Louise:) The Bleaken is coming as fast as he can
Ruining Christmas like he don't give a damn
Got to find the Bleaken, we'll follow his scent
We got to stop the Bleaken from stealing our presents
He's gonna be defeated, he's about to meet his match
(Tina:)And maybe when we find him We can ask for Mom's tree back
(Louise:(spoken)) Sure, sure, sure, but mostly, it's about running him out of town - before he steals our Christmas presents.
(Tina:(spoken)) Totally, I just think maybe once we find him and scare him, it wouldn't hurt to ask for Mom's tree.
(Louise:(spoken)) Uh, yeah.
(Chorus)
(All:) The Bleaken is gonna wish that he was never born
We're coming for you, man, hold onto your horns
(Gene:(spoken)) I just asked for experiences this year. The Bleaken can't steal a Korean BBQ dinner for two!
(Louise:(spoken)) I mean, isn't that a gift card? He can just take it, right?
(Gene:(spoken)) Damn it!
(Repeat Chorus)
===="Art Song"====
Linda, Art, Class, Harold, Edith, and Singer - "The Bleakening"
(Linda:) You were at our party, I hope you had a good time
(Art:) I did, I drank the eggnog, gross, but nicely spiked
(Linda:) Well, someone stole my tree, I need to know your alibi
(Art:) I'm clearly a man with nothing to hide
After your party, I was in a lovely mood
I came straight here, had a cookie and got nude
(Class:) He got nude, he got super nude
Ask the class, I swear it wasn't me
When I came in here, I didn't have your tree
(Class:) He didn't have it, he didn't have your tree
(Harold:(spoken)) A bush maybe. Ha-ha!
(Edith:(spoken)) Harold!
(Harold:(spoken)) Sorry
(Linda:) Well, I believe you, I'm sorry to intrude
(Singer:) It's okay, I just signed up to see some boobs
It turns out, I actually love drawing.
(Class:) He loves drawing, but he's still pretty creepy
Definitely creepy
(Art:) I hope you find your tree
===="Do You Hear What I Hear?"====
Teddy - "The Bleakening""
Someone's stealing all the Christmas cheer
Do you hear what I hear?
Inflatable vinyl decorations make this time of year
Do you hear what I hear?
A Santy Claus standing on the lawn
With a hidden Christmas surprise
It's a grown man dressed in disguise
A jerk or two out there in the night
If he comes, he's gonna get a fight
If he comes, I just hope he doesn't bite
===="Twinkly Lights"====
Miss Triple X-Mas - "The Bleakening"
Twinkly lights shine
If one of them goes out, then none of them light
Or at least that's how It used to be
Now the LEDs work a little bit differently
But you know what I mean
Twinkly lights, twinkly lights, that's what makes Christmas bright
All different colors, and all different types
I mean, sure there are a lot of white lights
But you need an assortment of lights to do it right.
And when they want to tell us that we're all wrong
I'm here to tell you that we're
All
Lights
You twinkle - You twinkle for me
It's twinkle - Bright twinkly lights - Twinkly lights - They twinkle for me - Make it light - That's right Ooh, ooh White light, black light Twinkly lights, bright light White light, black light, Twinkly lights.
===="Girl Power Jam"====
Nat and singers - "V for Valentine-detta"
This is a girl power jam
We're all girls, no mans
Going to salons and getting glam
Dancing in a fountain and getting wet
Bothering some fish with no regrets
Eating up some treats with our mom and friends
Hoping that this night never ends
This is a girl power jam
We're all girls, no mans
(Nat (spoken):) Girl power on sixteen!
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve
(Singers:) Let her finish! Let her finish!
(Nat (spoken):) Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen
(All (spoken):) Girl power!
We're all girls, no mans!
===="We BFOT on the Kiss Spot"====
Tina and Tammy - "Sleeping with the Frenemy"
(Tammy:) I'm the one who isn't a nerd
(Tina:) I'm the one who thinks up the words
(Tammy:) I'm the face
(Tina:) You fart up the place
(both:) But we got that BFOT right on the kiss spot
(Tammy:) I'm the one who drives him insane
(Tina:) Only when I bypass your brain
(Tammy:) I'm adorbs
(Tina:) You made me sleep on the floor
(both:) But we got the BFOT on the kiss spot
(Tina (spoken):) Take it, Tammy.
(Tina:) Poop, poop, poopy-poop, poop, poop, poop
Poop-poop, poop, pa-poopy-poop, doop-a-poopy-poop
(Tammy (spoken):) Happier and snappier.
(Tina blows raspberries rhythmically)
(Tammy (spoken):) Less farty.
===="See Something Sing Something "====
Matilda, Shelia, Gene, Linda, Teddy - "The Hurt Soccer"
Matilda & Shelia: If your bags were out of your possession at any time
It could be bad,
It could be fine
Don't leave it up to the canine unit
Security is fun and we're all doin' it
Everyone: If you see something, sing something
Matilda & Shelia: Partner up and swing something
Let your voices ring if you see a-something strange
Everyone but Gene: I see something suspicious
Gene: Uh-oh
Oh, you know I wish I didn't
But It's better if I sing it
So everyone will know it's a thing
Like a shady guy, a weird suitcase, something that just seems out of place,
If you can see it with your face then take that center stage!
===="Sleepovers"====
Unknown - "Cheer Up, Sleepy Gene"
I don't want to leave home
Because I hate sleepovers, sleepovers
I'm gonna go to bed alone
Because I hate sleepovers, sleepovers
Get me outta here,
these sheets smell weird
Let's call my dad
And have him pick me up right now, thank you
I'm finished, I'm out, I'm done
Because I hate sleepovers, sleepovers
Okay, it was kinda fun
But I still hate sleepovers, sleepovers
===="Best Couple Friends"====
Bob & Linda - "The Trouble with Doubles"
Both: Best couple friends
We're gonna be best couple friends
All four of us are gonna be friends till the end
Best couple friends
We're gonna be best couple friends
We go great together like tonics and gins
Linda: And We'll be signing
Both: Someone's on a double couple date
Someone's having fun
Someone's on an old train thingy
Linda: 'cause we rented one
Bob: Really?
Both: Best couple friends we're gonna be best couple friends
All four of us...
===="Weasel Weasel"====
Ranger Carl - "Go Tina on the Mountain"
Who's that knockin' on my hole? (Who's that knockin' on my hole?)
Weasel, weasel, if you please'll (Weasel, weasel, if you please'll)
Whoo, whoo Whoo, whoo, whoo (Whoo, whoo Whoo, whoo, whoo)
(spoken) Really do it like a weasel would.
Second verse, same as the first
Who's that knockin' on my hole? Come on! (Who's that knockin' on my hole?)
Weasel, weasel, if you please'll (Weasel, weasel, if you- [Cuts off])
===="Happy Birthday We Forgot"====
Linda Belcher - "Are You There Bob? It's Me, Birthday"
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
We forgot about your birthday
and then you threw up
Oh, no
Happy Birthday, Bob
We forgot it then you threw up, x5
[Bob retching]
Sorry.
===="Sugar Cookies"====
Tina Belcher - "Boywatch"
Blow that whistle
Make it thunder
Save that guy
He's going under, under
Jump in the water
Hairs getting tangled
Time to check inon my love triangle
Sand's the sugar and we're the cookies, Sugar cookies, x3
[vocalizing]
Michael: The sand's the sugar, we're the cookies.
===="Mommies Are the Best"====
Linda Belcher and Ethel - "Mo Mommy Mo Problems"
Mommies are the best x3
Together: Moms!
Linda: My mom
Ethel: His mom
Linda: Your mom
Ethel: Her mom
Together: Moms!
Ethel: Moms!
Linda: If mama ain't happy, aint nobody happy
[vocalizing]
Mommies are the best x3
Together: Moms!
Linda: My mom
Ethel: His mom
Linda: Your mom
Ethel: Her mom
Linda: I'm mom-nipotent!
Ethel: Happy Mother's Day!
Linda: It's my day.
===="Burobu"====
Unknown - "Mission Impos-slug-ble"
There's only one way to win this fight
Beat the other guy
The one rule to climbing the highest heights
Is to climb up really high
Burobu
Slugaconda!
Burobu
Slugstronaut!
Burobu
Slugvertible!
Burobu
Slugicopter!
Slugsaphone!
Burobu
Slugodactyl!
Sluggy Stardust!
Burobu
Slugatomic!
Slugpreme!
Burobu
===="This Wedding Is My Warzone"====
Bob and Linda - "Something Old, Something New, Something Bob Caters for You"
Spoken: Okay Bob, you can do this.
This wedding is my warzone
and I'm the doctor in it.
I've got to save their special day
got to cater it to the limit.
Something so important
Our burgers were their Cupid
Got to give Farrah and what's-his-name
a perfect reception
to prove my job's not stupid
so do I take this meat to grill just right
I do
Take this cheese to melt on top so nice
I do
Linda: Bob, this isn't on you
That ceremony was upsetting
The way those two rushed into this
You'd think it was a shotgun wedding
Bob: But do I take these buns to have and hold, I do
Linda: All you can do is do your best-est
Bob: Toast them perfect, so their love grows old, I do
Linda: They are a couple of hot messes
Bob: And do I swear that I won't screw this up, I do
Linda: Bob, you're crazy
Bob: Do I need this more than anything
Linda: Do I think you've lost your mind on this
Together: I do
===="Snap, Snap, Grease Trap"====
Unknown and Tina Belcher - "Something Old, Something New, Something Bob Caters for You"
Snap, snap
Grease trap
Snap, snap, grease trap
Snap, snap, grease trap(Fake laughter)
===Season 9===
===="Napkining"====
Damon - "Just One of the Boyz 4 Now for Now "
Girl when these napkins are in the air,
I want to kiss your lips, and comb your hair,
It's love at first sight now it's our wedding night,
Is this really happening?
Girl, we napkin-ing?
Yes this is happening.
Girl, we are napkin-ing
===="Gumboy"====
Unknown - "Just One of the Boyz 4 Now for Now "
Well I know I'm just asking for gum,
And that I might seem pretty dumb,
But I can be real fun,
I could be, the one
Spoken: Now sweat.
===="Friend Zone"====
Chad & Tina - "Just One of the Boyz 4 Now for Now "
Chad: Hey girl, it's me!
I'm your best friend,
I'm super cute but for now I'm just your friend,
You like that jock,
So I'll just wait,
And I'l even get him to take you out on a date,
We'll make a bet for his Corvette,
That he can't make you prom queen 'cause you're brunette,
I'm in the friend zone and I'm so alone,
So I'll just keep on fighting for you While I wear my headphones,
I feel sad.
And even when you become prom queen,
I'll keep on hoping I can be the boy of your dreams,
Tina: (Spoken) Are you kissing her?
Jock: I was just going to prom with you as a bet.
Tina: A bet? (Cries)
Chad: Tina!
Tina: You were here all alone and now I finally see you.
Chad: (Singing) Not in the friend zone and I'm not alone,
Now let's kiss over this cake 'Cause it's your birthday, I guess.
Tina (Spoken) Yeah, let's say it's my birthday.
==== "Hate the Way I Love You"====
Tina & Jesse - "Just One of the Boyz 4 Now for Now "
Tina: (Spoken) And in conclusion, that is why I think we should buy the company I was talking about.
With money.
Jesse: (Chuckles)
Tina: Want to say something Jesse?
Jesse: (scoffs) Yeah, I do.
(Singing) I'm the guy who disagrees with everything you say,
You think that I'm a jerk and I feel the same way about yoooou,
What are we gonna do?,
Your faxes are so taxing,
Your opinions are so strong,
We'll never get along, it's true,
When I say red, you say blue,
Red.
Tina: Blue.
Jesse: Oh, I hate the way I love you,
And I love the way I hate you,
And I kind of want to pinch you,
But I kind of want to date you too,
What should we do?
But then we find ourselves going,
to Paris in first class,
Outside of the boardroom, I kind of like your sass,
We get loose, drinking too much grape juice,
I can't wait to land,
Wait, am I holding your hand?
Rap time,
When we land in Paris, France,
We take our time, we do the dance,
Supposed to be business, but we're acting like friends,
Sampling the cheeses and we're eating the breads,
What is going on up in my noodle?
You fall into the Seine while we're chasing a poodle,
I rescue you 'cause I'm really brave,
But I'm the one who's getting saved,
Then we do the big meeting, a perfect team.
Tina: (Spoken in French) Et en conclusion, c'est pourquoi je pense nous devrions acheter l'entreprise dont je parlais. Avec de l'argent. (English:And in conclusion, that is why I think we should buy the company I was talking about. With money).
Chad: (Singing) They pay a billion French monies for our scheme,
Then we're getting married and we're living the dream,
Oh, I hate the way I love you,
But I love the way I hate you,
And I kind of want to pinch you,
But I kind of want to date you tooooo,
What should we do?
===="No Pants in Space"====
Hayden Damon & Tina - "Just One of the Boyz 4 Now for Now "
Hayden: I think you're out of this world,
But you're my best friend's girl,
I want to kiss your face, ohh,
I'm so lost in space,
Damon: (Spoken My best friend Hayden? What are you doing here in space?
I'm just here with my colleague/girlfriend, Tina.
You're supposed to be down on the ground doing ground stuff.
Hayden: I finished it.
Damon: Well maybe space isn't big enough for the both of us.
Hayden: Yeah you're right. That's why you should leave. I'll stay here with Tina and you'll go do ground stuff.
Tina: Boys stop. Don't fight over me.
Damon: Rap battle. (Singing) What are you doing in space?
It ain't your place,
hands off my girl,
or I'll hit your face,
Hayden: I didn't come to fight, I came to dance, 'cause out in space we don't need pants.
Damon: Yeah, that's right, don't be mad at me,
My pants flew off 'cause there's no gravity...
Tina: (Spoken) Keep talking.
Together: There's no pants in spaaaace
Hayden: Uranus can't see your anus,
Damon: And Venus can't see your penis,
Hayden: Pants on Jupiter,
Damon: There's nothing stupider,
Together: Oh, you moon the Moon, it moons you back
Damon: It moons me back,
Together: In space, we don't wear slacks
Tina: (Spoken) Hey, what's the policy on shirts here? Do you think they would float? 
Just want to whip them off real quick?
Cool. (x3)
===="The Right Number of Boys"====
Boyz4Now, Tina & Others - "Just One of the Boyz 4 Now for Now "
The right number of boys for you,
Is four, four-ever
Boo Boo: I'm Back!
The right number of boys for you,
Is four, four-ever,
Boo Boo: Come on!
One is the loneliest number,
And tea for two is bland,
Three's a crowd, so say it loud,
Four, no more, is where it's at 'cause,
The right number of boys for you,
Is four, forever.
Tina: Why not five?
Chad: You'll feel alive
Tina: Or even six?
Jesse: Yeah, get your kicks,
Tina: How about seven?
Unknown: Sounds like heaven,
Tina: Eight could be great,
Hayden: No pants in space,
Tina & Everyone: More, more, more forever,
More, more, more forever,
Tina: Boys!
Boyz4Now & Tina: The right number of boys for you,
Is more, forever,
The right number of boys for you,
Is more, forever,
Tina: How 'bout nine?
Matt: Sure, that's fine,
Tina: Even ten?,
Alan: Let's say ten then,
Tina: Ooh, 11,
Griffin: Still sounds like heaven,
Tina: Maybe 12?
Boo Boo Girl, help yourself
Tina: Then there's 13
Boo Boo: Couldn't hurt-teen
Tina: One, two, three, more!
The right number of boys is more, forever.
===="Wheelie Mammoth"====
Unknown - "The Taking of Funtime One Two Three"
Wheelie Mammoth, the most famous guy in town
If wooly mammoths had had wheels maybe they'd still be around
Ooh!
Wheelie Mammoth
Look at him go
Wheelie Mammoth wooly Wheelie Mammoth whee-
===="Wood Chucks Making Bucks"====
Unknown - "Tweentrepreneurs"
Wood Chucks making bucks
Wood Chucks making bucks
We're making Wood Chucks and we're making bucks
Making bucks
===="Quarter Assin'"====
Unknown - "Tweentrepreneurs"
Ooh, quarter-assin'
A little bit of the cheek, a little bit of the cheek
Ooh, quarter-assin'
A little bit of the cheek, a little bit of the cheek
Ooh, quarter-assin'
A little bit of the cheek...
"Business Monster"
Unknown - "Tweentrepreneurs"
She's a business monster, a business monster
Pushing units and making bank
She's a business monster, a business monster
Her cardboard office is totally swank
She's pounding soda, living on snacks
She'll talk about it later, she'll circle back
She's a business monster, a business monster
Walking around like her crap don't stank
She's a business monster, a business monster
===="Trick or Treat"====
Unknown - "Nightmare on Ocean Avenue Street"
Trick or treat, (Oooo)
Sticky sweets, (Ahhh)
Messing up, (ooo)
All my teeth, (Ahhh)
Trick or treat, (Oooo)
Sticky sweets, (Ahhh)
Feel the flavors sinking into my teeth (oooooooooo)
==== "None of your Business"====
Tina & Louise - "Nightmare on Ocean Avenue Street"
Tina: If I wanna put some sweets all up in my teeth,
Tina & Louise: It's none of your business,
Louise: If she brings sticky Sugar-Booms up into her room,
Tina & Louise: It's none of your business,
Tina: If you think my cavity is a travesty,
Tina & Louise: It's none of your business,
So don't tell me what to eat,
Did you go trick or treat?
No, it's none of your business,
Now just cos you're a grown-up,
Doesn't mean you're a dentist,
Even if you really were you wouldn't by my friend-tist,
Check it,
Tina: Don't say nothing bout my (Tina & Louise: nougat),
Talking about my (Tina & Louise: chocolate),
If you got a problem with my sucker, you can suck it
===="Let's Swap Eyes so We Can Empathize" ====
Unknown - "Live and Let Fly"
(Autotuned) Let's swap eyes,
So we can empathize,
Let's swap eyes,
Over a bowl of em-pad-Thai,
(Normal) I want some noodles,
Let's swap eyes,
(Normal) Ooh,
So we can empathize,
Let's swap eyes,
(Normal) Ooh,
Over a bowl of em-pad-Thai.
===="Saving the Bird" ====
Linda - "I Bob Your Pardon"
(Linda) We're keeping our word,
We're saving the bird this year,
(Background singers) Gonna keep our word,
Gonna save the bird that's what you heard,
(Linda) We're keeping our word,
We're saving the bird this year,
(Background singers) Gonna keep our word,
Gonna save the bird that's what you heard,
(Linda) Don't you taint my mayor,
Don't you taint my mayor,
Let him fly,
We're saving the bird this year,
(Background singers) Gonna keep our word,
Gonna save the bird that's what you heard,
(Linda) We're keeping our word,
We're saving the bird this year
==== "Alone"====
Gene - "Roller? I Hardly Know Her!"
I hear the ticking of the clock,
I'm lying here,
The room's pitch dark,
(Spoken) Courtney: Clock-wise circle spin,
(Spoken) Alex: Stand and clap,
Gene: I wonder where you are tonight,
No answer on the telephone,
(Spoken) Doug: And half loop,
Gene: And the night goes by so very slow,
Ohhhh,
I hope that it won't end though,
Alone,
(Spoken) Alex: Enthusiastic snap and tap,
Till now,
I always got by on my own,
I never really cared until I met you,
And now,
It chills me to the bone,
How do I get you alone?
How do I get you alone?
===="Rollin' With Me"====
Courtney - "Roller? I Hardly Know Her!"
If you're rolling with me,
If you want to be my partner,
I need you to lift,
Lift me up off my feet,
I need you to lift me,
The rink smells like feet,
But you make me complete,
I need you to lift me,
I'm flying,
Lift meeee,
If you're rolling with me...
===="Doot Doo I Love You"====
Tina & Susmita - "UFO No You Didn't"
Tina: Doo-doot doo-doot doo means I love you,
Susmita: No. No, it doesn't.
Tina: Doot doo-doo-doot doo-doo-doot means I care,
Susmita: That actually means "egg."
Tina: Doo-doot doo-doot-doot doo-doo,
Means, um, "oranges"?
Susmita: That means "cat."
Doo-doot doo-doo-doot doo-doo means I'll always be there,
Susmita: That's just "cat" again.
Doo-doot-doot doot-doot doo,
Doo-doot doo-doot doot-doo-doo,
Doo-doot doo-doot doot doo doo,
Both: Doo-doot doo-doot doo-doo,
Tina: Means I love you...
===="Snowballs and Sledding" ====
Gene & Louise - "Better Off Sled"
Snowballs and sledding,
And sledding and snowballs,
And snowballs and sledding, (Background: Snow, x3)
And sledding and snowballs,
And snowballs and sledding,
And sledding and snowballs,
And sledding and snowballs,
And sledding,
Gene: Sledding!
Gene, Louise and Background: Santa cover your delicate eyes,
Mandy's arm is going to save the day,
Mom made a scarf that looks like a sad tie,
But it's nice and is only her best,
Snowballs and sledding,(Background: Snowballs and sledding x3)
And sledding and snowballs,
And snowballs and sledding,
And sledding and snowballs,
And snowballs and sledding,
And sledding...
===="Jumping on the Bed" ====
Belcher Family - "Bed, Bob & Beyond"
Jumping on the bed
Jumping on the bed
Don't fall and hit your head, When you're jumping on the bed
===="Nothing Makes Me Happy"====
Calvin Fischoeder -Roamin' Bob-iday
Calvin Fischoeder: There are times in my life When I've had to do something
Hiring, firing, illegal trash dumping
But any time that I have had something to do
I always wished that I could Bid that something adieu
Nothing, nothing, nothing makes me happy
Doing something is what I avoid
I adore diddly-squat it thrills me a lot
And nothing never gets me annoyed
Oh, sometimes I have to do stuff, and I hate it
Like paying off arsonists, showering and shaving
Bob (spoken): Wait, did you just say "paying off arsonists"?
Calvin Fischoeder (spoken): No, I said, uh, playing golf with pharmacists. Huh. Where was I? Oh.
Calvin Fischoeder: Nothing, nothing, nothing makes me happy, happy, happy
Nothing brings me nothing but joy
So if you haven't tried nada I really think you oughta
'Cause all play and no work makes me a big, sexy boy
Big old sexy boy
===="Nothing Makes Me Happier" ====
Bob -Roamin' Bob-iday
Bob: All of my life, I've been told to slow down
To stop, to rest, take a look around
That life could be more than a pile of ground beef
And while I believe that that's your belief
Nothing makes me happier than serving some food to some guy
It may seem so boring, it might get you snoring but to me it's the Fourth of July
Oh, nothing makes me happier than the smell of a freshly-baked bun
Nothing makes me happier than a burger that's perfectly done
Oh, the crumpled-up napkin all covered in grease
The french fries so crisp that you'll call the police
It's not bragging to say that they might cause world peace
Nothing makes me happier than cooking again and again
But nothing makes me happier than them
===="How Many Sandwiches Can You Name?" ====
Belchers and Patrica - Roamin' Bob-iday
The Belchers: You're the best in the sandwich game,
How many sandwiches can you name?
25,
Patrica: Salmon, cream cheese, onions and chives,
Belchers: 31,
Patrica: Turkey meat loaf on an artisan bun,
Belchers: Number 3,
Patrica: Fancy peanut butter and jelly,
Belchers: 14,
Patrica: Swiss, salami and aioli, queen,
Belchers: 33,
Patrica: Turkey bacon, peanut butter, honey,
Belchers: 42,
Patrica: Turkey on French bread, boo
Belchers: 56,
Patrica: Ham, Swiss and mayo With a spring mix,
Belchers: 69
Patrica: 69, I just say nice
Belchers: 87,
Patrica: I don't have 87, don't be trying to rick me.
Linda: (spoken) It was a good year.
===="Bioluminescence"====
Belchers and Patrica - What About Blob?
Bioluminescence, lightening up the sea
Bioluminescence, come on board with me (x3)
===Season 10===
=== Others===
====Cosmos is On====
The Belcher Family - Bento Box Entertainment YouTube channel
(Louise:) We've got some news to share so let's have a talk
(Tina:) In March and April and May were on at seven o'clock
(All:) But it's not our faaaaaaaaaaault, it's not our fault
It's 'cause Cosmos is ooooooooooooooon, It's 'cause Cosmos is ooooooooooooooon
====Stayin' Up Till Midnight====
The Belcher Family - Behind Bob's Burgers YouTube channel
(Louise:) Stayin' up till Midnight
(Tina:) Stayin' up till Midnight
(Louise:) Stayin' up till Midnight, Uhh!
(Gene:) Stayin' up till Midnight, Uhh!
(Louise:) On New Years Eve its alright
(Bob and Linda:) On New Years Eve its alright
(Louise:) You get to stay up after Midnight
(Bob, Linda and Gene:) You get to stay up after Midnight
(Tina:) But I'm tired, uh so tired
(Louise:) No! Stayin' up till midnight
(Tina joins in:) Stayin' up till midnight
(Louise:) Uhh!
(Gene joins in:) Stayin; up till midnight
(Linda joins in:) Stayin' up till midnight
(All:) Stayin' up till Midnight (x2)
====Beefin'====
Linda Belcher - Adult Swim Promo
Bob's beefin'
Tina's beefin'
Gene and Louise are beefin'
Little old me is beefin' too
But I wonder
Who is beefin' who?
Aah
==== B is for Burgers ====
An Opera Singer - Adult Swim Promo
B is for the burgers that you gave me
O is for your onions, sweet and savory
B is for your buns, they're so impressive
The apostrophe s makes the whole damn thing possessive
Put it all together they spell Bob's Burgers
==Real Songs==
=== Season 1===
====If You Were Here====
Thompson Twins - Sheesh! Cab, Bob?
Playing when Tina kisses Jimmy Jr.
===Season 2===
====The Ballad of Gilligan's Island====
Linda (written by Sherwood Schwartz and George Wyle) - Burgerboss
Linda hums the tune when she arrives at the yacht club.
==== One Way or Another====
Gayle (originally performed by Blondie) - Dr. Yap (Episode)
Playing when Gayle attempts to seduce Bob repeatedly.
(Gayle:) One way or another, I'm gonna find ya, Bob
I'm gonna get ya, Bob, I'll get ya, get ya
One way or another, I'm gonna win ya
I'm gonna get ya, get ya ,get ya, get ya
One way or another, I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meet ya, Bob, I'll meet ya, meet ya
One day maybe next week, Bob, I'm gonna meet ya
I'm gonna meet ya, I'll meet ya
I will drive past your house
And if the lights are all down
I'll see...
Who's...
(Megan Mullally:) (normal voice, laughing) I dunno, so I thought I'd just...
====Stuck in the Middle With You====
Stealers Wheel - Moody Foodie
Plays while Reggie gives the Moody Foodie a wet Willie.
====Fantasy====
Earth, Wind and Fire - Bad Tina
Playing when Tina reads out her friend fiction to the school.
===Season 3===
====Nisi Dominus====
Vivaldi - Ear-sy Rider
Plays while Louise searches for her hat and ends up at the dump.
==== Amazing Grace====
Teddy (written by John Newton) - Full Bars
Sung by Teddy (with erroneous lyrics) when he buries his guinea pig, Frances.
====We Go Together====
Courtney Wheeler (originally from the musical "Grease") - The Unbearable Like-Likeness of Gene
Playing during a montage where Courtney attempts to get close to Gene.
====Father Christmas====
The Kinks - God Rest Ye Merry Gentle-Mannequins
Plays during a montage of Chet's window displays.
====Silent Night====
Unknown (written by Franz Xaver Gruber and Joseph Mohr)
Plays while Chet thinks about Nadine.
==== You're the Best====
Hugo Habercore (originally performed by Joe Esposito) - Nude Beach
Plays during a montage of Bob and Hugo competing in the 'Nudecathlon'.
==== Concerto No. 2 in G minor, Op. 8, RV 315 ====
From Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" - O.T.: The Outside Toilet
Plays when Gene activates the bidet function on the toilet. tune is later whistled by both Gene and Tim Jones (Max Flush).
====Baby Hold On====
Eddie Money - O.T.: The Outside Toilet
Plays when Gene says "that's what I call easy money", the toilet misinterprets it as 'Eddie Money' and proceeds to play the track. A cover version of the song performed by John Roberts plays over the end credits.
====Fame ====
Irene Cara - Two for Tina
Plays on the radio while Josh and his classmates practice their streetdancing.
==== 24 Caprices for Solo Violin, Op. 1 No. 4 in C minor: Maestoso====
Paganini - The Kids Run the Restaurant
Plays during Bob and Mr. Fischoeder's game of Rock Paper Scissors.
==== The Star Spangled Banner ====
Tina (National anthem of the United States of America) - The Unnatural
Sung by Tina before the baseball game Bob organizes to prove that the Deuce is a fake.
===Season 4===
====Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)====
John Roberts (originally performed by C+C Music Factory feat. Freedom Williams) - A River Runs Through Bob
An easy listening cover of the 1990 hit plays when the camping couple begin their 'ritual trust', introduced as their ritual trust music.
====You Oughta Know====
Bob (originally performed by Alanis Morissette) - My Big Fat Greek Bob
Bob sings the song on the karaoke machine after joining the students for some beer at the frat house.
==== March No. 1 in D====
Linda (From Elgar's "Pomp and Circumstance Marches") - Bob and Deliver
Linda sings about Teddy graduating to the tune of the "Land of Hope and Glory" section.
==== Jingle Bells====
Linda, Tina, Gene and Louise (written by James Lord Pierpoint) - Christmas in the Car
Linda sings the song while honking the horn to get Gary (unseen at this point) to stop honking his.
====Silent Night ====
Linda (written by Franz Xaver Gruber and Joseph Mohr) - Christmas in the Car
Linda sings the song after the clock strikes midnight, she is interrupted by Gary's truck reversing into the car leading her to sing "Holy craaap" rather than "Holy night". Second appearance in the series.
====Night on Bald Mountain ====
Modest Mussorgsky - Easy Com-mercial, Easy Go-mercial
Plays during the Burgerzilla sequence of the family's commerical on the end credits.
====Macarena====
Unknown, with additional instrumentation from The Klezbians (originally performed by Los Del Rio) - Mazel-Tina
Performed by The Klezbians as part of the Bat Mitzvah entertainment
====Chicken Dance====
The Klezbians (written by Werner Thomas) - Mazel-Tina
Performed by The Klezbians as part of the Bat Mitzvah entertainment
====Hava Nagila====
Tina (traditional) - Mazel-Tina
Sung by Tina over the end credits, instrumental version plays during Tammy's hora.
====The Streets of Cairo====
Teddy (Sol Bloom) - Uncle Teddy
Sung by Teddy with lyrics about there possibly being underwear being in the pipe under the kitchen sink
=== Season 5===
====Dim All the Lights====
Donna Summer (with Bob singing over) - Dawn of the Peck
Bob puts the song on while at home alone, he begins to dance and sing to it.
====Adagio in G minor====
Albinoni - Dawn of the Peck
Plays during Bob's soliloquy with the turkey baster.
====Love Is in Control (Finger on the Trigger)====
Donna Summer (with Bob singing over) - Dawn of the Peck
Plays over the end credits, again with Bob singing and dancing.
====The Jack ====
AC/DC - Can't Buy Me Math
Plays on the radio while Bob stripteases.
====Wonder====
Natalie Merchant (sung by Teddy) - The Millie-Churian Candidate
Sung by Teddy over the end credits.
====Ride of the Valkyries====
Richard Wagner - Li'l Hard Dad
Plays during the helicopter battle, a reference to Apocalypse Now.
====Maneater ====
Hall and Oates - Itty Bitty Ditty Committee
Sung by Darryl in the computer lab.
==== Up, Up and Away====
Nancy Sinatra - The Oeder Games
Played during the montage of Bob defeating the other tenants.
====99 Red Balloons====
Nena - The Oeder Games
Sung by H. Jon Benjamin over the end credits.
(Fischoeder:) Ha ha! Don't hit my pants! You'll see the outline of my wiener! Oh, what the hell? Fire away!
(Bob:) Ninety-nine red balloons
Floating in the summer sky
Panic bells, its red alert
There's something here from somewhere else
The war machine springs to life
Opens up one eager eye
Focusing it on the sky
Where ninety-nine red balloons go by
Ninety-nine red balloons go by
Ninety-nine decision street
Ninety-nine ministers meet
To worry, worry, super scurry
Call the troops out in a hurry
This is what we've waited for
This is it boys, this is war
The President is on the line
As ninety-nine red balloons go by
Ninety-nine red balloons go by
(falsetto) Ninety-nine red balloons go byyyyyyyyyyyyy
===Season 6===
====Joy to the World====
Traditional - Nice-Capades
Plays as a Muzak version at OMG Mall.
====Good King Wenceslas====
Traditional - Nice-Capades
Plays as a Muzak version at OMG Mall.
====Just What I Needed====
The Cars - The Hormone-iums
Sung by Tina over the end credits.
(Tina:) (blows) Mmhmm. Checking the wind. Floor's tilted one degree.
(Jocelyn:) Omigawd, Tina, go! My mom's gonna be back in 37 minutes!
(Tina:) Okay. Here we go.
I don't mind you comin' here
And wastin' all my time, time
'Cause when you're standin', oh so near
I kinda lose my mind, yeah
It's not the perfume that you wear
It's not the ribbons in your hair
And I don't mind you comin' here
And wastin' all my time
I guess, you're just what I needed (Everyone else: Just what I needed!)
I needed someone to feed
I guess, you're just what I needed (Everyone else: Just what I needed!)
I needed someone to bleed
Kissing is one of the great parts of life like dancing...
(Jimmy Jr.:) Yeah!
(Tina:) ...or rainy days, or those croissants Meryl Streep made in that movie. We don't have to not kiss. We just have to smart kiss. And now, I am going to kiss everyone in this row.
(Zeke:) Do what?!
(Frond:) Tina, no!
(Tina:) I guess, you're just what I needed (Everyone else: Just what I needed!)
I needed someone to feed
I guess, you're just what I needed (Everyone else: Just what I needed!)
I needed someone to bleed
=== Season 7 ===
====Beyond the Sea====
Bobby Darin - Sea Me Now
Sung by Teddy over the end credits.
====Ave Maria ====
Schubert - "The Quirkducers"
Sung by a student auditioning for "The Quirky Turkey."
====Deck the Halls====
Traditional - "The Last Gingerbread House on the Left"
Sung by Linda, Tina, Gene, Louise, and Teddy while caroling.
====Hark! The Herald Angels Sing====
Charles Wesley - "TThe Last Gingerbread House on the Left "
Sung by Linda, albeit with erroneous lyrics.
====Adeste Fideles====
Unknown - "The Last Gingerbread House on the Left "
Sung by Oscar. Latin version of "O Come, All Ye Faithful."
====Rock the Casbah====
The Clash - "Ex MachTina "
Sung by Mr. Branca.
====Stupid Cupid ====
Connie Francis - "Bob Actually "
Plays on the boombox in the beginning of the episode.
====Rock Me Amadeus====
Falco - "Eggs for Days "
Sung by Linda while Gene plays it on a stereo to help drive Big Baby Pudding Snatcher away so Bob could get the remaining rotten egg in the crawl space.
===="(I've Had) The Time of My Life" ====
Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes - "Thelma & Louise Except Thelma is Linda"
Sung by Bob and Teddy during the End Credits Sequence.
===="Dancing on the Ceiling"====
Lionel Richie - "Mom, Lies, and Videotape"
Sung by Linda during the End Credits Sequence.
===="Bat out of Hell"====
Meat Loaf - "As I Walk Through the Alley of the Shadow of Ramps"
Sung by Bob and Louise during the End Credits Sequence.
===="Radar Love"====
Golden Earring - "Bobby Driver"
Sung by Bob and Edith during the End Credits Sequence.
===="You Make Loving Fun"====
Fleetwood Mac - "The Helen Hunt"
Sung by The Belchers and Teddy during the End Credits Sequence.
===Season 8===
===="Danny Boy (Harry Boy)"====
Harry Connick Jr. - "Mission Impos-slug-ble"
Bob sings Danny Boy at a eulogy but replaces some words.
Oh, Harry Boy
The pickles, the pickles are calling
Category:Songs
Category:Music