Transcripts 2005-02

Transcripts from February 2005 strips.
==February 4==
Panel 1Silhouette of Tessa making a run for it. Silhouettes of cars appear in the background.Tessa (transmission): Anyone awake back there? I just got jumped by a fucking giggler!Panel 2Tin-Head stands over a computer terminal in a remote office, a confused expression on his face as he gestures with one hand (or, claw?).Tin-Head: A CLONE? YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? THE ANARCHISTS NEVER LET THOSE FUCKERS RUN AROUND IN PUBLIC!Panel 3Close-up of Tessa as she takes cover behind a wall. A streetlight shines down in the background.Tessa (transmission): Okay Tin-head, name anyone else who seems to enjoy being stabbed in the head and has an antenna sticking out the back of their neck!Tin-Head: GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES AND I'M SURE I CAN FIND A FEW WEB SITE ADDRESSES!
==February 7==
Panel 1Gary is facing away from the giggler that Tessa had stabbed. Panic is in his eyes as Gary clutches his mobile phone. The giggler lazily paws at its stabbed face.Gary: Er, just stay there okay mate! Try not to move too much! I'm calling an ambulance!Panel 2Close-up of Gary's mobile, a flip phone variety. The screen reads, "NO SERVICE!"Gary: SHIT!Panel 3Tessa has her eyes closed in intense concentration.Tessa (transmission): Tin-Head, get someone to pull me out! There's... I'm being jammed aren't I?Tessa (thinking): Being attacked is one thing, but being forced to use a crabby pay phone is too much!
==February 11==
Panel 1A topless, bleary-eyed Michael walks into the room, behind Tin-Head. His glasses are in his hands.Michael: What's going on Tin-Head?Tin-Head: TESSA GOT JUMPED BY A GIGGLER!Michael: A what?Panel 2Cut to a desolate war scene of a soldier (clone) in full military gear with a shotgun(?) strapped to its shoulders such that the soldier is not holding onto the gun, but the gun aims forward. The soldier thinks, "WEEEE!!" The soldier's armour has the Random Power insignia on the chest.Tin-Head (off-panel): IT'S A NICKNAME FOR ANARCHIST CLONES. BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE IQ OF A GLASS OF WATER THEY CONTROL THEM WITH AN IMPLANT THAT REGULATES CHEMICALS IN THEIR BRAIN. WHEN THEY DO SOMETHING RIGHT THEY ARE HIT WITH A LOAD OF HAPPY DRUGS AND THE RESULT IS A LOT OF THEM CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!Michael (off-panel): Oh right.Panel 3Same as panel 1, but Michael has put on his glasses and is looking at Tin-Head, who seems skeptical.Tin-Head: YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT YOU'D BE SHOCKED ABOUT THAT.Michael: Until I get my coffee, 500 volts of AC current through my nuts wouldn't shock me!
==February 14==
The Church of Poisoned Minds
Panel 1Black-and-white monochrome comic. Al is standing in front of a stock image of the American flag rippling in the wind.Yeah! I want to get to America again to attend the San Diego Comic Con this year because I felt left out last year! So out comes the old begging bowl...Panel 2Al looks into the camera while grasping the bottom of the panel as though it is a solid surface. In the background is a large PayPal donation button graphic.Al: And I hit a snag. The ol' Paypal button doesn't work as well as it use to because it's lost the novelty. EVERYONE has one now and everyone ELSE is pretty much ignores it. I've succeeded in the past because I never asked TOO much and I've used interesting donate buttons to attract the eye and get more clicks. But the fact of the matter is that you guys have given me enough money in the past and I'm getting compliant about it.Panel 3Al looks up thoughtfully with his hand under his chin, with the Ha! Ha! Guy in the background.Al: So I thought I could work for the money! I'm better then most at animating and I can ape and animate other peoples art styles quite well given a reference. I know like people like original SSDD art so I can sell original strips and draw sketches. I can only see one problem...Panel 4Al is hunched slightly, with a shit-eating grin. An image of a chimpanzee with its arms over its head is in the background.Al: I'm a lazy, work shy sack of shit!
==February 18==
Panel 1Close-up of where Tessa is pulling on part of a dustbin and struggling to remove it.Tessa (thinking): You forgot the golden rule! "There is never just ONE giggler!"Panel 2Camera pan to Tessa's face as she continues to pull on the bar.Tessa (thinking): He'll have friends!Tessa (thinking): So it was really fucking stupid of me to lose my only weapon! If I can just prise this metal bar off this wheelie bin at least I'll have SOMETHING!Panel 3Tessa freezes as she is interrupted by a transmission.Speaker (transmission): Yes but you forgot two other golden rules! There's always someone controlling the gigglers and you should turn off your wetware transmitter in case they're listening in!Tessa (thinking...?): Crap!
==February 21==
Panel 1Tessa keeps pulling on the bar protruding from the dustbin as the speaker transmitting to her speaks across all three comic panels.Speaker: It's a bit late to turn off your transmitter now, but it doesn't matter. All I need you to do is listen!Panel 2Tessa finally pulls the bar off with a "SNAP!"Speaker: It took a lot of effort and string pulling to get to talk to you Miss Edwards, so please pay attention.Panel 3The speaker, an Inlay, is silhouetted on top of a building, overlooking rows of houses in the background.Speaker: However you'll have to keep your wits about you while you listen Miss Edwards. Sadly to avoid the old man suspecting anything, I'm going to have to try my hardest to kill you! I apologise for that in advance.
==February 25==
Panel 1Tessa peeks around a corner at a walleyed, drooling giggler laughing "HE HE HE" to itself, its claw-hands raised.Tessa (thinking): Humm, probably dealing with an AI because the elite's don't call the Oracle "The Old Man!" Boy, looks like someone was took out of the oven too early!Panel 2Camera rotated view of panel 1, from over Tessa's shoulder.Speaker (Lancelot): Well I guess I should introduce myself. My creator called me Lancelot. How do you do?Lancelot: I was crated to find and warn you Miss Edwards! To warn you that you're a plaything of a twisted and insane mind!Panel 3Close-up of Tessa looking over her shoulder suspiciously.Lancelot: Of course you'll believe this is some sort of trick, so I'll make my case before I explain any further. Simply put Miss Edwards, have you ever wondered just WHY you're here and what is your purpose in life?Tessa (thinking): A philosophical AI!Tessa (thinking): Oh JOY!
==February 28==
Panel 1Lancelot silhouetted against the night sky, the moon directly behind him.Lancelot: Think about it Miss Edwards? How did you get here and, most importantly, now? You managed to take out an Inlay King after bumbling through a gap in the front line. Okay, that could happen. You then survive a crash of the prison transporter you where on after being captured and then make it across the border into Scotland! Okay that's unlikely but possible. Of course you would have used you're lifetime's quota of dumb luck by then! But here you are in the past, conveniently just before the anarchists take hold after an incident with a time machine? Come on, you have to admit something is wrong! The numbers involved with the likelihood of you surviving the Wildfire's trip into the past boggle the mind, let alone this connivance. There is no way anyone can be that "lucky" in one lifetime!Panel 2Close-up of Tessa squinting with skepticism.Tessa (thinking): Okay, but I'm not falling for the "explain the plot while I sneak up on you" trick again! I was pulling bits of brain out of my hair for weeks after the last time!
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