Homer the Father/Quotes

:Homer: I never thought of fatherhood as something that could affect a kid.
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:Homer: I liked the producing, the executive producing and especially the co-producing, but the supervising producing was the best I've ever seen!
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:Poltergiest: How could you mistake him for me?
:Willie: It was that sassy mouth that got you killed in the first place.
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:Apu: Mr. Homer, you inadvertently left your nuclear power plant ID in the birthday card rack.
:Homer: I can't lose that, it's the best picture I have.
:Apu: I am more concerned with global terrorism. America's enemies would give anything for your nuclear knowledge.
:Homer: Yeah. I do know a lot about nuclears.
:Apu: And America has so many enemies: Iran, Iraq, China, Mordor, the hoochies that laid low Tiger Woods, undesirable immigrants, by which I mean everyone that came after me, including my children.
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:Bart: Can I betray the country I pledge allegiance to every day?
:CIA Agent #1: You pledge allegiance to the flag.
:CIA Agent #2: And the flag is made in China.
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:CIA Agent: Okay, but don't read our subtitles.
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:Milhouse: Oh my God! I found my new look! (shows Bart a pair of overalls)
:Bart: Those are girl overalls!
:Milhouse: I could pull it off.
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:Bart: Oh my god. I think I just met the thing I'm going to die on.
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:Homer: Life was so much easier when a machine told you when to laugh.
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:Homer: (watching television credits) I liked the producing, the executive producing and especially the co-producing, but the supervising producing was the best I've ever seen!
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:Homer: The boy's acting really weird. I did everything that T.V. show told me to and he's still not happy.
:Marge: Well, maybe you shouldn't listen to a 30 - year old T.V. show that only got on the air because the creator had evidence the network president ran over a guy.
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:Announcer: Thicker Than Waters was filmed live before a studio audience.
:Homer: Heh, heh, heh. Everyone in that studio audience is dead now.
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:Lisa: Maybe if you studied harder and got better grades, Dad would give you the money for that bike.
:Bart: Does dad give you money for good grades?
:Lisa: I've been doing the family's checkbooks for years. I take what I need.
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:Bart: I like going to work with you, dad.
:Homer: And I like having you here, son. 'Cause you can wake me up if someone comes.
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:Homer: Why would a child go to the zoo?
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:Sheldon Leavitt: (after writing a script) It's good enough. Let's go home.
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:Sheldon Leavitt: I slept with everyone in the cast, including the dog.
:James Lipton: To quote Matthew Perry from Friends, too much information. And to quote Dwayne from What's Happenin'!, Hey... hey... hey.
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:Homer: (singing the Thicker Than Waters theme) This is my favorite song now. Sorry, Don't Fear The Reaper.
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:Bart: Can I have it Dad? (showing Homer a picture of the minibike)
:Homer: Huh?
:Bart: Can I?
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:Homer: You still see that crow on shows sometimes.
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:Homer: Hmm, hmm! Marge, would like a Thicker Than Waters collectable plate?
:Marge: Homer, you can't order anything from that magazine. It's 25 years old.
:Homer: Oh yeah? I'll show you. TV Guide Offer, 1 World Trade Center...
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:James Lipton: Rebecca, you briefly inspired a hairstyle called "the Lizzy". Is "the Lizzy" with us here tonight?
:Rebecca: I was clear with your people that I would not recreate "the Lizzy".
:James Lipton: Oh but "the Lizzy" is here. (puts on a "Lizzy" wig") I shouldn't judge my prom date just because he's in a wheelchair. I should judge him by who he is in here. The family hugs.