Brighouse & Rastrick Gazette. — 1879-01-11 (Brighouse, West Yorkshire, England)

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.  "Manny a man," remarks Josh Billings, "has reached the summit ov fame, and then lookt down into the humble valley he cum from, and longed to be back again." - - - -- •  The proprietor of a building site in Wisconsin advertises his land for sale in this wise .•—" The town of Poggis and surrounding country is the most beautiful which nature ever made. The scenery is celestial—divine; also two waggons to sell, and a yoke of steers." A young man from Auburn, N.Y., who went to the Black Hills this spring, has telegraphed to his father, ' Batted calf for one." -  The inhabitants of Madagascar are dying to get hold of an American ship captain who has sold them ten thousand quart cans of tomatoes as a new kind of gunpowder. Josh Billings in his last oozing out of philosophy says, "One ov the lazyest things a man kin dew is to eat soup with a fork. One ov the longest things man ken do Is to long for parfait bappinesa Anger aiwus hurts us more than it does the other phellow wich we git mad at. When a man ain't good for ennything else he Is just right to sett on a jury. And this is what I may shortly come to. -  -•—• A woman in Baltimore committed suicide the other day, leaving a letter to her husband, asking him to lut her be buried in her blue suit.  ----The Chicago News advises Hai readers, when speaking through the telephone, at a public exhibition of the instrument, to commence by laughing and saying how-de Soo— it's funny, and proves that you are perfectly familiar with the Instrument; smile all the time you are talking It makes It more pleasant for the spectators. Don't forget to mention, after you get through with the instrument, that it is a wonderful invention. It will look as if you had a share in the transaction of invention.  ----A young man who recently sent a Mannecriat play to • theatrical manager bad it returned to him with the remark that if he would only work It over so as to make the heroine rob the bank instead of defend it, and afterwards climb up a cataract on a slack rope, with a safe on ter hack, while the detectives paused frightened on the brink, it might do. A party of gentlen sought to make a display of their wealth. The firsMighted his cigar with a ten-tiollar greenback. The second 'went him ten better." and consumed • twenty-dollar note in the same way, The third het to be outdone sacrificed a cool fifty. Then the fourth and last declared he'd beat the crowd, took a blang cheque from his pocket. filled It out for a round thousand, signed it, and then lighted his pipe with it. The other tree "caved "In at once at his recklen extravagance  The young man was evidently honest in hii intentions, but three years of constant courting had failed to overcome his excessive bashfulneu. They were sitting in chairs at a respectable distance apart. Said the young man, having spent five minutes in search of a subject "How do you get along with your cooking " " Nicely ; I'm in) nrovfng wonderfully. I can make splendid cake now." "Can you?" said the young man in a pleased manner. "What kind do you lire best I " " Hike one made with flour, and sugar, and citron, and resins, and, currants, and lots of those things, and beatittrul frosting.. on top," responded miss. " Why, that's a wedding-cake, exclaimed the young man nervously. "I meant wedding," said miss shyly. They are publialied  The Japanese Government has engaged the services at a high salary of a German military bandmaster at Diets  flAh