The Telegram. — 1895-12-24 (Weymouth, Dorset, England)

CONUNDRUMS.  Why are two young ladies kissing each ether like an emblem of goodwill ?—klecause they are doing into eall other as they would that men should do unto them.  Why is a bridegroom often more ispensive than a bride ?—liecause the bride is given away, but the bridegroom is often sold.  _ . Why is a camel n most irOzcible creature P.—. Because be always has his ba,:k up. Why were the brokers in the panic of 1873 like Pharaoh's daughteri•—itecause they saved a little pmphet from the rushes on the bank.. Why is a sculptor's death the most terrible ? Becalm he makes faces and busts.  How do young ladies show their distike for mourtaches p—ily setting their femme against them.  What's the d.fference between a bee-hive and a had potato ?—None; one is a bee-holder. A bee-holder is a F pecked 'tatur, and a specked 'tatur is a bad potato.  What i+l majesty deprived of its externals ? CC a jest (y). Why are fixed stars like wick:3d old men ? Because they scintillate (sin-till-la,e). "" • • •  - , What is the difference between photographing and the whooping-cough P—One makes fac-similee and the other sick families.  Why are quinine and gentian like the Germans ? Becalms they are two tonice (Teutonic's). At what titne of day was Adana born ?—A little before Eye.  What budding resemblee W. G. Grace 7—A goort batter.  Why was Adam the happiest of husbands ? Became he had 1,10 mother-In-law.  What le the diffmence between a mouse and a pretty girl P—One harms the cheete and the other charms the he's. On what day of the year do women talk the least P—On the shortest sky.  Why are pntty girls like Armoring ?—Becaus• they soon go off.  What kiMI of essence &me a young man like best when he pops the auedlion i—Acytkiesoenee. Why is chicken pie like a kitnetnith% shop? —ftecause it contains fowl iii placeF. "" .  Why are old bachelors had' graunnarians ? Because when asked to conjugate they ins-Arial:4y decline.  What is a common miracle in Ireland P—Waklog the dead.  What motive had the inventor of railways in view ?—A locomotive.  What is the largest room in the world ?—/Ine room for improvement.  %hen should an innkeeper visit an iron foundry P—When he wants a bar-maid. What kind of medicine dues a man give a scolding wife P—He takes an elixir (ho takes and he licks her).  When may two person m be maid to be halfwitted P—When they have an understandine between them.  Why didn't the last dove return to the ark —Because he had sufficient ground for remaining. Why is flirtat on like plate powder ?—Because it brightens up spoons. When is a silver cup most likely to run ? When it is chased.  Why is the tirst chicken of a brood like the DIP int-oast of a ship ?—Because it's a little ahead of the main tiltch.  Why is a hen immortal P—Beeause her son never sets.  Why is Sunday the strongest day in the week ?—Secau,e fie, rest so weak days.  -, Why are some girlq like old muskets ? Because they use a good deal of powder but won't go oil.  Why-is a vote in the House a Commons like a cold ?-13ecause sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and EJmethusts the noes (nose). What can you till a barrel with to make it tighter l'—Holes  A Jersey gardener named French was found hanging in a garden shed. The state of the body induced the authorities to have a post-mortem examination made, when it was found that the deceased actually died from heart disease inst as his suicide preparations were completed.