The Central Glamorgan Gazette, and General, Commercial, and Agricultural Advertiser. — 1887-11-25 (Bridgend, Mid Glamorgan, Wales)

MRS. SCUWELLE "Henry, what shall Ido P I've invited twenty peeple end they've all come, while I've only laid covers for fifteen." Mr. S.: "Drive Rome of 'em away. Get our daughter to eing a little."  AN old philnsopher says that he has often seen a man pleased at bein thought to be in advanon of his age; but ha lie, er heard of a woman who was pleased at being supposed to be in advance of her age. A WRITER says that a woman naturally wanta to make herself a mat for man's feet to walk over." Perhaps, though, this is only another way of saying that woman wants to be something to a-door. JELLOUPY is the meanest passion that can influence the human mind. If you don't believe it, just ask the husband whoa° wife has forbidden him to kiss the prettiest of all her charming cousins. A CLERGYMAN startled his drowsy coegregation the other day as follows :—"My dearly beloved friends, permit me to remind you that I come here to preach, not to act as umpire in a sleeping match."  "I Am going to write a work on Popular Igno. ranee," said a young graduate to an Id professor. "I am glad of it," replied the old man. "I don't know anybody who has more of ths root of that matter in him."  IT is understood that all verbal communication' amongst the members of the Irish Dynamite Faction are carried on in Clan-na-Gaelic. The The President of the explosive association is, it seems, a Millen- tary man.  "How are you doing, Pat ?" "0, finely, man, never did better in my life." "What are you working at?" "0, I'm a real estate conveyanoer." "And what in honour's name is that?" "Why, I'm driving a dust cart."  "MY son_," said an old man, "do you remember what Polonius said in his parting advice to Laertee.—' Neither a borrower nor a lender be' P" "Yes, father," replied the eon, thoughtfully, "and I think Polonium was about half right."  HIIBBIND (whose wife had unexpectedly come behind him awl ki..sgl him) : "Good heavens, wife, how you startled mo. Don't do that again— I don't like such sun ri.es.” Ail, hu.band dear, pardon me! I—l had no idea that—that it was you."  SHE said it was a very bright idea. He said he knew a brighter one, and when she asked hint what it was he answerod : " Your eye, dear." There was a aileaee for a moment. Then she laid her head upon the rim of his ear and wept.  Soles People ore So Very Unieasouable.—Dobbius mortis two lady friends, and is talking to them when his hat blows away. He bolts all or It. Says one of the When " How rude of him to rush away like that He might have maid 'Goodbye' flit.'' T ia something to be thankful for small 21101 pies. A woman nt ono or the polies-courts, who.° liltabittiti was chargrd will heating Les with, hl., ~ts irons, hemmed that he might be let en% am lie had never beaten her except with his Sol It before!  Mii. lli.Ans.roxx has informed a correspondent the, h., iiii..l)lo to perceive a justification for the eotolto,t of Ate Lord Chancellor in depriving Mr. jnioo. Lyi tic of tho commission of the peace. We 'uprose ;hut this must be regarded as another "Purse. I II( gm... Lion." " l*Pll`:.Y iumet it, .4, but honour and my altered circumstances compel me to release your daughter from her engagements. I cannot enter your family It logger. In the recent deal to the Nei ill Ent' stocks I lost my entire fortune." 0 Not nether word, my boy—not another word, I got it." 1.41 HE the Lilies of the Field.—" I have always admired young Sniderly, he in so trim and neat. His clothes always lit him and he looks as though lie had just emerged from a bandbox." "Well, it won't belong before he will look as slovenly as the rest of " Why P" " He was married two weeks ago."  A men who married a widow has invented a device to cure her of eternally praising her former litts!ettd. Whenever she begins to de...ant on hie noble qualitiee, this ingenious No. 2 merely says, "Res., dear man! how I wish lie hadn't died !'' awl the lady immediately thinks of something else to talk about. Pirr.munottaa : "Doctor, I am convinced that I am wiff.lilig from the nto,tt pronounced form of ins • 1111 l ia." M.D. : "What are your symptoms?" Pittshurgher "Out Sunday last I remained awake fluting the entire service, though the sermon was one hour long and the thermometer in the vestibule stood at 92 degrees."  Meournuaz (to prim:malt! Wbat impelled you to •t suicide?" Priaoner : "It was a converss,ion I overheard, sir, on the boat. One of Who's on ducky r The other said, Pse oo ducky, whose ducky is oo " So I happened to horn some deadly poison in my pocket and Iswallowed it."  " CHAELIE, did you ever hear it said that if a person found a four-leaved clover and put into their shoe, the first gentlemen or lady the person wall,ed with would he either their husband or wife?" "No, never heard of it before." "Well, 1 found one, and put it in my shoe this morning, Mud you are the first mum I have walked with. I wonder if it is truer'  WIFE: "What are some of the requirements necessary to make a successful poker _player, my dear ?" Husband (thoughtfully) : " Well, a man must be cool, calculating, crafty, deceitful, selfish, sly, and Lave a touch of meanness in his disposition." Wife (shocked) : "I shouldn't think you would care to play with such people." husband: 014 I most always win I"  Yourio LLDT : "Are you an admirer of the beautiful, Dr. Slasher ? " Dr. Slasher (a young sawbones) : "Oh, yes, indeed." Young lady : " What la the most beautiful thing you ever saw?" Dr. Slasher (contemplatively): "Well, I think the most beautiful thing I ever saw was the way in which Profeasor Deepeutter took a melee leg off at the heapltal last week."