The Warrington Examiner. — 1870-09-17 (Warrington, Cheshire, England)

LBY I SNAPPER-UP OF UNCONSIDERED TRIFLES.]  My occupation has been gone for some weeks, for no one cares about trifles when half a million men are fighting, as only civilised ehristiaus can fight, killing and maiming each other at the rate of 100,000 men a day. Even now, when the horrible attraction of the scenes of battle is lessening, I suppose shall have some difficulty in gaining attention to so trivial a subject as that of public worship in the churches of the Establishment. It appears from the Times that the Ritual Commissioners have issued their "fourth and final report." The report is signed by all the commissioners except three; but every one of these commissioners subsequently expresses his dissent from it in more or less important particulars. The report itself consists of half a page. The expressions of dissent from the report occupy no less than 21 pages. All the commissioners dissent once. Sixteen of them protest twice. Three of them protest three times. Lord Portman and Lord Ebury make no fewer than five separate protests, and Mr. Perry breaks out into as many as eight pages of elaborate dissent from even the most minute recommendations of his fellow commissioners. Loid Curnarvon and Sir Robert Phillimore, though they are "far from dis-approving all the recommendations," yet feel themselves precluded from signing, because they "entertain doubts as to some, and dissent from others." Finally, Sir John Coleridge disappears altogether.  This want of unanimity is the most remarkable thing about this report, and whoever has to put its recommendations into a bill is not to be envied. It is plain that we are not so clever at making religions by acts of parliament as our ancestors were who lived in the time of the Tudors. It is a lost art. The commissioners, however, do recommend a certain number of small changes. Permission is given to shorten morning and evening prayers on week days, the three services now rolled into one on Sunday mornings may be separated, and her Majesty will only be prayed for once or twice. Sponsors are to be abolished, and the parents may be sponsors for their own children. The renunciation of the Devil and all his works will be a strictly family affair. I am afraid there will lie no more christening dinners for the seniors, and no more silver mugs, spoons, and forks for the children. Godfathers and godmothers are to be disestablished, and of course the children will be disendowed. It is to be lawful for a clergyman "at his discretion" to read an abbreviated funeral service over the unbaptised, the excommunicate, or suicides, so that the pious baptist who does not like his child to be buried like a dog may have a service read over it which is also suitable for excom, municated persons and self-murderers. The Athattasiau  creed seems to have puzzled the commissioners not a little, and no wonder, for it has been a puzzle for centuries, and no one ever guessed its meaning yet. The commissioners have not "given it up," but they have added an explanatory note to the effect, "that the condemnations in this confession are to be no otherwise understood than as a solemn warning of the peril of those who wilfully reject the Catholic Faith." When the elder Mr. Weller's attorney, Mr. Pell, was relating to him an interview he had with the Lord Chancellor, he shocked the old gentleman by asserting that his lordship, in the course of the conversation, blurted out a tremendous oath. "Did he say that ? " inquired Mr. Weller. "He did," replied Pell. " Vell then," said Mr. Weller, "I say parliament ought to ha' took it up; and if he'd been a poor man they would ha' done it." "But, my dear friend,', argued Mr. Pell, "it was in confidence." " Oh, very good," replied Mr. Weller, after a little reflection, "If he damned hisself in confidence, of course that was another thing." "Of course it was," said Mr. Pell. "The distinction's obvious, you will perceive." "Alters the case entirely," said Mr. Weller. And so for the future it will be understood that when thirteen times every year we solemnly curse the great majority of mankind we are damning them in confidence, and as the French Government say when they publish a telegram that they know to be false, "under reserve." This method of dealing with the difficulty, however, meets with the disapproval of 17 out of 27 commissioners•who have signed the report. The majority of the commission are probably of the same opinion as the present Archbishop of Canterbury and his predecessor Tillotson in reference to this creed, and wish that "we were well rid of it." The Times says : "The commission, however, have only been able to agree on such points of detail as we have enumerated. On such matters as may be deemed essential,' which were especially recommended to their notice, they have been unable to adopt any decisive recommendations." Truly a most lame and impotent conclusion.  The following advertisement speaks, as folks • say, for itself :—" Fancy bazaar, at South Brent, in aid of the funds of the restoration of the church, will be held on the vicarage lawn, on 10th and 11th August. . . . Refreshments on the ground. Amateur theatricals, microscopic entertainments, archery, quoits, dancing, Aunt Sally, and Punch and Judy have been requested to attend." Who can despair of mother church now? Who for one moment imagines that Atheism, Infidelity, Popery, and Dissent have the slightest chance in South Brent. " Aunt Sally, 4.c., have been requested to attend."  Tremble, ye heretics of South Brent; the bishop, the archdeacon, the rector, and aunt sally are here to defend the church, and to defy anybody and everybody. Mr. Miall has given notice of a- motion for disestablishing the English Church, during the next session. The Bishop of Carlisle thinks it must be a joke, It must be. Disestablish a church defended by bishops, D.D's, aunt sally, and punch and judy ! We commend this suggestion to the attention of our church friends. The time is coming for their annual church tea parties ; no doubt their patron will preside, as is his wont. Besides the attraction of his usual very accurate speech, as to the member for Warrington, 1 why not add the very appropriate attraction of Aunt Sally, and Punch and Judy ?