The Poole Telegram. — 1886-05-07 (Poole, Dorset, England)

MAY  TIER GOVERNMENT OF IRELAND ELL.  CATHOLIC DECLARATION. The following declaration was unanimously /Weed to on Thursday at a oonferemce, and signed ,by the Arehbishop and every priest in the Archdiocese of Cashel and Emly : We, the undersigned Are.hhishop and clergy of the Arch of Oishel and Emly, in oonferencie assembled, desire to express our deep sense of grstitude to the Right Hon. Wm. wart Gladstone,.Prime Minister of England, for the many signal services he has from time to timeorendered to our country during his distinguished career as a statesman, notably for the Disestablishinent of the Protestant Church, foe the Land and Franchise Acts, and in general for tLe great and abiding interest he has for many yearl evinced, in everything that would tend to inrogresi and pacification in Ire/and. But at this, perhaps the most critical period of our history, we feel called upon to declare in a very special manner that we bilve been profoundly moved by the heroic fortitude, utter forgetfulness of self, and fearless devotion to the high principle which he has manifested by the framing of those magnums for the better government of Ireland, quite recently proposed by him, and read a first tiro under his auspices in the House of Commons :—We wish him from our Ii ,arts the very best gifts that Gel can give to man, and beg of him to accept the.expres• aim of our most profound respect and lasting grati• tude.—T. NV. Owes, Archbishop of Cashel.  A fresh cold cannot be oared with salt. An English traveller in America asked • captain of a lake steamer the name of the lake they were traversing. He replied --"Lake Huron." "Ye., I know," responded the Englishman, "it is the lake I am on; but what is its name?" "Why arn't the organ-grinders numbered in this country, IMMO as they are in other countries?" indignantly asked a gentleman, just returned from abroad. "Because they are numberless,". replied one who had never been away from home. Not long ago a board-school inspector asked the members of a class: " What is the cause of the saltness of the ocean ?" Flushed with the iisoovery which had flashed upon her mind, one little girl raised her baud. "You may tell," said the inspector. "Salt fish, awl" exclaimed the pupil triumphantly. A young lady, supposed to be a confirmed manhater, ws.s eating some ice-cream the other day, and expressed a dislike at it. flavor. Her companions, 'wild were better pleased, asked her what fault she found with it, whereupon she replied that it had a sort of shaving-soap taste. She had some difficulty in maintaining a proper degree of easy unconcern in replying to the questions that immediately followed. It is said that the feet are much larger in summer than in winter. This may be so, buil we suspect that the savant whe trade the discovery Xylem his 0807 'upon the fact that he tneasured the footprints-of his inamorata in•the snow when she had on her French heeled boots last winter, and in the summer toolc his data from the imprint of her naked feet on the sea shore. A Presbyterian Doctor of Divinity once said to me at a general assembly: "You newspaper men must have queer views of things. You are always looking on and never taking part. Your kno*dge and habits of thought must be verycircun;foresitial and superficial. I suppose, new your idee of the day of judgment is that you will have a table 'off one aide and report the proceedings for the morning paper." A young lady in England was remedy missing from home for severakdays. Her disteaded parents sent detectives forth in search of her, and after they had scoured the country in vain she was given up. Tk• grief of her parents knew no bounds, and when they were just resigning themselves to the awful calamity the young lady walked in, and stated that she had simply been waiting for her obange at a draper's sale. Irate Ottstomar—" Why can't you fellows be honest? That telephone you put in my store is fraud. Yen said that wor& could be distinctly heard for twenty miles." Telephone Man—" Well, they can." "They can't, I say. They can't be heard five blocks." "Oh, you are mistaken." "But I am not. I yelled myself hoarse at • man last evening only five blocks away, and he could not hear a *Ford I said. He said so." "Queer, very queer ; but, by the way, what was it you said to him?" "I asked him when be would be around to square up his account." "Young man, you have been coming to my house almost every night during the whole winter, and now all at once you become 0001, and hardly speak to my daughter. What does all this mean? .Explain yourself I" The young man hesitated, and finally said, in a sacred-sort of way: " I—l came to your house during the winter, because—" "Young man, if you love my daughter, come out and say so." " I Came ' because—because I had no stove in my room, and I wanted to get warm." "You GM just g 0 to—where it is hot without • stove," and the young man picked himself up out on the sidewalk. Baron Riechenback declares that sleeping with the head pointing east and the feet west is tantamount to committing suicide. Well, if the baron ever noticed a boy sleep with his head bearing south-east, half. seat, one leg due north, and the other bearing north. east as far as the knee, and then heading due west, the left arm south by west to the elbow and thence northwest, and the right arm east northeast, he would abandom all his theories about north and south sleep. ing, Is there any creature healthier than a hosleeping or waking? Lieth a boy awake all •••• with troubled dreams and uneasy tho the slug thou ant, and learn to take th, easy without reference to the points of  slow and compans.  1936.