The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle. — 1875-06-05 (Stourbridge, West Midlands, England)

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.  At a recent wedding in Ohio, the minister was about to salute the bride, when she stayed him with, "No, mister, I give up them vanities now."  The two latest Yankee notions connected with the horse are indiarubber shoes and an elastic shoe. The latter is described as pulling the wearer from the road to the turf. How artless! When the crowded omnibus stops before a fine four storey mansion, one of the young women getting out invariably remarks, "Rome at last!" A man in Illinois broke into the home of a widow. She pitched him out of doors. A striking evidence of the power of the widow's mite. - - -  A Detroit sporting man, speaking of ladies riding and driving, says :—"As to the matter of getting out of a trap now, most any woman can get down gracefully, but not one in a hundred can descend from the back end of a buggy when the horse is running away without feeling that she is going to overdo the thing."  Some people have peculiar constitutions. Mark Twain complains, after a long interval of idleness, "This working between meals is killing me " When a Detroit man indulges in the luxury of a buggy ride with his young lady he urges her to greater speed in her toilet by vociferating through the hall door, "Hurry up, Kate; this rig knocks me out of fifty cants an hour, and I hain't got more than a dollar and a half." Then she rushes out with her mouth full of pins, and finishes sticking on the ribbons as she sails through the suburbs.  A man who had brutally assaulted his wife was brought before Justice Cole, of New York, lately, and had a good deal to say about "getting justice." "Justice !" replied Cole, "you can't get it here; this court has no power to hang you A pretty story is told of one of Governor Tilton's staff. It is said that when the individual referred to first presented himself en miEtiare to his wife and little daughter, the latter, after gazing at him in wonder for a few minutes, turned to her mother, and exclaimed, "Why, ma, that's not a real soldier—it's pa !"  A woman lecturer says that man's inhumanity to man cannot compare in severity with woman's " inhuwomanity" to woman. A young lady who vowed she'd wear her lover's kisses on her lips untifhe should come and take them again, after his journeyings, survived her sufferings long enough to bestow them upon a responsible third party with a stout bank account. This conundrum is respectfully submitted to the best bee speller :-11 S-i-o-u-x spells su, and e-y-e spells i, and s-i-g-h-e-d spells side, why doesn't s-i-o-u-x-e-y-e-s-i-g-h-e-d spell suicide?  While the ladies of Oneida, New York, werb working recently at the polls for the election of a no-license Board of Excise, one of them received the following note : "My dear Wife: I have washed the baby, put her to bed, and stirred up the pancakes. What shall shall Ido next? Your loving husband,—." A gentleman said he had an original poem for sale, which he would part with cheap, as times were hard and he wanted money. The poem contained twelve lines, and he would sell it at 6d. aline. The editor told him they weren't paying as much for poetry just at present, but asked him to read it, He commenced in a low, sad tone of voice, as follows:  "Dearest father, thou hast left us, With a shadow on thy fine expansive brow, And thy loss we deeply feel--"  IVheu he picked himself up at the bottom of the stairs, there was a "shadow on his brow."  Mosquito season is coming round, and spellers can lay abed warm nights, and while the air is vocal with the melody of myriad-winged minstrels, delightfully pass away the time in spelling mosquito, musquito, moscheto, moschetto, mosqu'etoe, mosquetto, muscheto, muschetto. musketo, musketoe, muskitto, mu.squeto, musquetoe and niusquitto, and making up their minds as to the proper way of spelling the word. A correspondent of a Western paper, having described the Ohio as a "sickly stream," the editor appended the remark—" That's so. It is confined to its bed."  An Indianopolis paper says of an Indiana senator : "His chagrined look when he clutches that pointed beard to milk his brains, and they won't 'give down,' has a most depressing look to all beholders."  A Western paper says: "It is time to stop talking about the 'softening and elevating influence of women.' A man in this county, with four wives, has just been sent to the penitentiary for horse stealing."  A: western editor apologises to his readers after this fashion :—" We expected to have a death and a marriage to publish this week, but a violent storm prevented the wedding, and the doctor being taken sick himself, the patient recovered, and we are accordingly cheated out of both." A Vallejo (California) young lady, about to go off in the cars, stepped into the dark sitting-room of the depot to kiss her friend Sarah good bye. Owing to the darkness she didn't hit on Sarah, but cannoned on a Chinaman, and didn't find out her mistake till John began yelling, " Whatee for you so chokee me? Hi ya I No squeezee so muchee I " A screech, a dropping of feminine garments, a slammed door, and that girl was gone,