The Kenilworth Advertiser. — 1873-04-17 (Kenilworth, Warwickshire, England)

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.  A female student of medicine out West wrote home to her friends for twenty dollars, "to buy a man to cut up." A Louisville company is insuring against small-pox. The coupons of the company are called pit tickets. A youth who was crossed in love attempted suicide recently by taking a dose of yeast powder. "An experienced surgeon will accompany every train," very properly composes a part of an American railway advertisement. A contemporary describes how "a young man who thinks he has a fine tenor voice was vaccinated by a cow." It tossed him while he was in the meadow under her window.  An Indianopolis paper says that a banquet in that city was opened with prayer by the Rev. Emsley Hamilton whisky ganger for the Seventh district.  - - It occurred to a Yankee [scholar, while writing a composition, to make the remarkable statement, that "an ox does not taste as good as an oyster, but it can run faster."  Yankee burglars say that they never saw such s panto in the money market as at present They assert that every other watch has been sent to the pawnbroker's. No one wishes to have a bald head, but no one wishes to lose it when he has. The American Poet Laureate, Smith, calls this a Solem-uns proverb.  A gentleman of the name of Furlong hae four children, or half a mile's worth, as eight furlongs make • mile.  There was a sadness and impenetrable gloom in a house in New York last week. A youth of eighteen summers and seventeen winters got too near the gas, and the grease on his moustache took fire. That moustache, slight and sparse as it was, had cost him siz months' tender nursing and fond caressing, and there wasn't enough of it left to make a decent-sized toothpick or a fly.  "Got any medicine?" asked a boy, entering a New York drug store. "Yea, lots 01 it. What do you want r inquired the clerk. "Oh, it doesn't make any difference, so Ws something lively.  A Georgia man who recently sent the Savannah News thirty peas for sample copies of the paper, pat in one corner of the envelope :—" To post Maatera—Gents, This contains money. Plead; bandel It with a pair of tongs"  A down-east journalaays that a Maine an is -about to apply for a pai,ent for an artificial oyster, made out of flour-paste, tapioca, salt, and water. The inventor places these in second hand oyster-shells, which are carefully glued around the edges.  "How shall we settle the labour question?" exclaimed a member of the Georgia Legiolature, in the midst of his speech. "By all going to work and earning your living honestly !" thundered a spectator in the gallery. That sentiment brought down the hotuie.  An agricultural genius has invented a torpedo in the shape of a kernel of corn, which is designed for the beguilement of crows. As soon as that offensive bird take hold of It, it explodes and blows the top of his head oft. This affords a cheap and innocent recrestion for the crow, and at the same time does away with a grievous evil. The bridesmaids at a recent wedding are thus described by a local paper:—' It is no idle compliment to say that they are like three Graces. their faces rairrorrhig back the purity and softness of the skies, their eyes floating in a light of dewy tenderness, or throwing radiant flashes from the inner shrines of thought like jewel-tinted sparkles caught from broken rainbows.'