The North-Eastern Weekly Gazette. — 1891-11-14 (Stockton-on-Tees, Cleveland, England)

SMALL PILL.  SIILLL DOSE  SUGAR-COATED. PURELY riga  Loving Wife: "Now that you are ruined, Henry, I will disclose my secret. For years I have been saving up, and now (pouring a shining heap of gold into his hat) this may tide you over.'' Husband: "Oh, my darling, how did you manage to do it?' Wife: "Easy enough. Every time you said a mean thing to me, I put sixpence into • box."  CARTER'S  A gentleman at a recent matinie wen seated behind a lady wearing one of the fashionable tall hats. " Excuse me, madam, but if you don't remove your hat something unpleasant will happen." The lady ignored him. The gentleman put on his own hat. Loud cries of "Take off that hat," rose from the audience bell' lad. The lady thought the cities referred to her hat, and quickly removed " Thank you, madam."  LITTLE  Liv:  A friend of mine (says • correspondent) recently met an Amerioan lady who ia distinguished as having been four tenses • widow, and has now again entered the bonds ef matrimony. Sad my friend,i "I think I once had the pleasure of dining with ' you in New York ?" "When?" asked the fair , stranger. "In 186—," he replied. "Yes," she I said, reflectively, "that may have been so, but I had forgotten it. Yon see," she added, " that was two or game hail:winds ago."  POBITIVMY CUE  They were on their war to the theatre. r, and she was tremulously happy. She felt that the words sha.sol9nged to hear would be spoken. that night, and the idea made her alMost dizzy with delight. "Mr Ea.mpson," she said, softly, "why do you wear that bit of string about your finger ? ' "Oh," replied Mr Sampson, taking it off, "that was to remind ma of my engagement with ycu tonight." -It we n't much, but it was enough to take sway the delightful dizziness.  A funny paper luts this neat littre story pictured out : A lauuter went out to liuu.t. At the same tune a bear wont out to eat. The hunter saw the bear. Quoth the hunter: 'Ab, there's my fur oyereoat.' He fired. The bear jumped behind a tree, and WAS not hurt. Quoth the bear: 'Ah, there's my square meal.' Whereupon the bear ate the hunter. grgo (by the mutual arrrangement), the hunter got is fur overcoat and the bear his square meal.  A railway porter on the Lancaghire and Yorkshire attempted suicide • few days since. In an unguarded moment he called out the name of a station so distinctly that nearly two-thirds of the passengers understood it, and when the full , enormity of the unprofessional act dawned upon him, remorse, like a worm in 01 bud, Vetted its ,r lacerating fingers on hit conscience, and tortured ' him until life became a burden. Other porters will no doubt heed well the lesson, and in Suture use the utmost caution in making their weird announcements.  A young man had been arrested for kissing a pretty girl, and she was on the witness-stand. You say," said the attorney for the defendant, "that the young mm kissed you against your will ?" " Yes, he did, and he did it a dozen limes, WO." "We!!, now, is it true that you also kissed him during the affray ?" Objected to; objection overruled. "Now, shower my queation," continued the attorney, " did you not kiss the defendant also!" " Yes " replied the witness, indignantly, "1 dil. But it was in self-deence." Case dismissed. ' • A good story is told of an Enolish, tourist who, socestpseieff br 4.. Mice, visited a Parisian restaurant. He volunteered to choose the dishes. Talting.tlsomenn from the waiter, he held it long enough to convey the impression that Ise was a profound linguist and had reel the canton through; then, to strengthen the deception, pointsd, with the air of one who had made up h mind, to two items far down the list, and, to begin with, ordered the " garsong" to supply the party with them His chagrin and the merry glances of his friends may be imagined when the waiter, with impertuiable gravity, placed on the table three fihur.borls filled with rose.water and a wine glees containing toothpioks  contentsl  Mulled toe the Nourit-Ilbusami Lourese, M the Basis Wed Oft lituomisszohow, in thitCottuty 4 at the MAC place;