The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette. — 1880-01-13 (Dorchester, Dorset, England)

WIRING FOR THE TELAGRAM.  Mothers have cert tinly not lost all control over those beardleas youths who, during the past few evening; or rather morning; ha,. e amused themsel yes by extinguishing the lamps- by means of their umbrellas in the principal and bye thoroughfares of our little town. Between twelve and one, a.m., these naughty boys should be safe in motherly arms; but I advise them to take warning, or early some morning, when they least expect such a powerful embrace, they will find themselves in the paternal arms of a policeman. Considering the Gas Company show themselves rather parsimonious at times with their luminaries, it is rather hard, when they do light up, that the benighted wanderer should be cheated out of what he gets so little of.  A constable stationed at a pretty little sea-girt town, not many miles from Lyme Regis, last week proved himself in possession of extraordinary and unprecedented presence of mind. Absence of body would have been better, he thought, when he was startled to observe the apparent carcase of a man dangling in the moonlight from a lofty tree overhanging the road near Sea-lane. After the first symptoms of alarm had died from his blanched lir, the first im-puue was to feel the pulse of the fated suicide. No sooner said than done, the body was cut down and every effort made to restore animation, but without success. The queen of the night now casting her soft rays with a more brilliant effulgence, the constable fancied he could trace the lineaments of • worthy captain not far away. The iaptain being a bosom friend of his, the constable redoubled his efforts, and it was not till he had rubbed the features into • shapeless 111/1511 that he discovered he had been duped, and that the cause of his horror was a faithful representation of his friend the " Cappen." I hear the " peeler " has taken possession of the spannew suit of broadcloth in which the "Cappen " was attired, but is not this the property of the county  Although the grocers have disoontinued giving Christmas boxes, there are several adventurous spirits who have set them an example, but a very pase-ful one. Those cottagers who had their panes of glass smashed by them ou their return Christmas journey have had a handsome Christmas-box as a recompense. They had not the slightest idea of proving so liberal when they started, but I hope for their own sakes they'll start afresh and not imbibe so freely if spared till next Christmas.  Relics of the ancients seem to be turning up in this locality. On the Swyre beach, • few days ago, a gold seven-and-sixpenny piece, coined during the reign of Rufus, was found in • remarkable state of preservation, and about the same time a gold memorial ring, beautifully chased and inscribed to the loving memory of one "Nathaniel Hall," dated UM, was dug up near the foundations of the old West-street mill, lately demolished.  To you and your readers, Mr. Editor, "A and Prosperous New Year., The last sere andl;27i; leaf has long since fallen, and with the leaf have pissed away from us the young and old, the loved and the cherished. When the poet said "All that's bright must fade," I presume he meant green leaves and useful lives. It is not long to reach from those fallen, decayed, yellow chips to another generation of verdant