The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle. — 1876-04-22 (Stourbridge, West Midlands, England)

AMERICAN HUMOUR. A Mississippian, in bragging about him wife wound up with the declaration, " Why, she'd make a regullar highpressure steamer, she'a such a talent tor blowing up I" _  - A Now York gentleman is blessed with fifteen danthtera, a'nd he is lo.king about for fifteen laely young men to bless each of them with a wife.  "Do you lik9 novels r asked Miss Fitsgerald of her backwo3ds lover, " I can't say," he replied; "I never had any; but I tell you I'm death on possum."  Mr. trudhowmo, in the decline of life, wait talking with his nephew, to whom he related stories of his youth. "But uncle," suddenly exclaimed the young man, "what struck you most during your life?" "My dear boy, it was your aunt I"  A Detroit journal gays an old man of that city has played ninety thousand games of checkers. What a checkered career that old nian must have had.  "In the absence of globes, how do you illustrate the shape of the earth to your scholars?" asked a committee of a school tesuher in Illinoia—" I shows 'ern my head,' was the r.ply.  The people of Wyoming don't know whether to call their female judge a justice's of the peace, or a ju.stioe of the pieces. The following composition has been turned out by an American sch lar aged nine years :--'• A boy without a father is a norphen, without a nv,ther a double norphan, but is oftenest witianit a grandfather or a grandmother, and then he is a norphanist." A man in Indiana, on returning home from a business Journey recantly, found that his wag, during his absence, had rafll-d all the furniture and departed and the sheriff arrested bins for allowing gambling on his premises.  i It is stated that in a certain district n the far West mof criitoes are so plestilul that they are unable to get on a strauger all at once, and al they stand round in relays, and wait for their turns like customers in a barber's shop. A Yankee down-east newspaper says, "Without intending to be personal, we feel bound to declare that if our postmaster would resign, many timid persons would feel safer about their money letters.  An American paper quite in a tiff says—" There seems to be no end to the number of planets in the solar system. Five new ones were discovered last year."  The Yankee who wrote to the State Board of Agi culture to ascertain what was best to plant tn wet land, was ayourably imprussed hy the answer :—lt was "teaks.  - A Western preacher discoureed from the text, "How old art thou?" and the next day about one.third of the women of the clngregation called to tell him it was Hone of his businew.  A mother, who had with her a little daughter, was examining the figure of a horse on a tombstone, and wondering of what it tvas an enAlem. There was nothing to explain it in the inscription "Mamma," said the little one, as they moved away, "I shouldn't wonder if she died of the nightmare.  An old detective at Troy, U.S., says—" If I deeired to train my son lor a dirtective, I would tint make him a newopaper reporter. Drat, beyond any other nn,iness is the businees that makes stupid men smart, ordinary men able, and capable men brilliant; amt what an experieneel rep ,rter cannot doted is not Iv rth &tenting.'  A Californian ed tor lately purchase.' a donkey, and another editor. in the genie !wittily records the circumstance as a rent tikable instance of Bettpcwseasion.  A California jury, in a suicide case lately, retnrned the following verdict :—" We, the jury, And that the deceated wee a fool" A jary was -brought inio court, in order that one of their number might be iOstructed on the followit,g point of taw :—" If I b,-I,eve that the erldence war one way, and the other eleven be iev different, dues that juttity any other juryman in knocking me down with a chair r. She Judge sue reredin gencral terms. Tee Chicago Post claims to have zLfti&tonal staff a lady Of cxueorauary enclitics. The edifor says he "never knew Roy one whit could write situ equal ea.e upon so )clogular a range of topics • with inforreauon so d 'act in I " Whereupon an curious contemporary asks the Post wily it never pubilaies any other article&  FaAticto-AminibArr.—A bill has been introduced in the Paris Chamber of Deputi s fcr ruaLing a grant of 10,030 francs for the purpose of sending working men to the Philadelphia Exhibition. From men thus 'franked abroad we shall expect a franc