The Warwickshire Herald. — 1895-06-13 (Birmingham, West Midlands, England)

ANYTHING. Vleger. IaI43IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINTIMI 40,1  Lifebuoy_ ,Soap.  Given with each Tablet.  illlllllllllll  The steamer Kite, which oii lc en chartered to bring Lieut. eeary hotna fr.rn lireAnl all, leaves Newfoundland about thd.tni,the of July.  At Doncaster, Messrs. 8 t-rm mid Co., bottle manufacturers were fined £5 17i. 81. f e nploving a lad named Evans. azed 12, to carry bottles from the worker to the furnace.  At Rochester, James Steel, lAnourer, was re. mended, charged with atte n., tog ta commit suicide. He made no less than three unsuccessful attempts to bang himself from a bal.aister._  The death has occurred of Mr. findrign Barnsley, Com/1h W Tice. Sheffield. Mr. Barnsley was master cutler in 1883, when Lord H irtington WAS the principal eue,t at the sunuil bin.] let. _ _  "Oh, doctor, how do'vou do ?Yu look killing this evening." "Thank you; but I'm not; I'm off duty, you know." _  iquildig: "He's a great criminal lawyer, isn't he?" McSwilhgen: "Well, I believe he always stops short of actual crimintlity." • Tommy Asker: "Now, if you was to git to be a artist, what would you like to draw F" Andy Quick: "A cheque on the bank "  The coming woman: "My. darling, give me just one little kiss." The coming no; "No, indeed. Why, you haven't been shaved to-day."  Wool: "I don't see how a dealer can afford to iron all the silk hats he sells." Van Pelt: 'flu to do it; they'd last too long if he dicln t."  _ oignora Tol t (pointing to the g in& at the Zoological Gardens): "Oh' Just look! What animal is that?" Signor Tola : " That ? That is an ostrich." Signora Tola: "An ostrich! Then where are its feathers?" Signor Tola (contemptuously): 4Don't betray your ignorance, Maria. Don't you know that ostriches moult at this time of the year." Boy: "Mad dog, mad dog, look I ehind you." Old gentleman: "My son, you probably wish to see me look round, when you will say ' April foul.' But was a boy myself once and played just such foolish tricks. Old birds are not to be caught by chaff. But here is a sixpence for your trouble." And the boy ran to a sweet shop, where he found that the coin was lead. . .  On 9 ;turd ',in the comiiet -ida at Risley for the felegrapli Cup, the weather. tieing intensely hot, rendered a march from Weybridge in three hours viiry trying. Several of the trains never reached the range, while others arrived la e, and some arrived leaving men sick on the roe ;side. The Ist Battalion Grenadier Guards carried a bugler a mile, but were compelled to leave him unconsciou; at a tea-garden, reaching the range within their time, but only to be disqualified. Sergeant Allen, of the Coldstream Guards, received a sunstroke, and fell while proceeding to the range, and after three hours' efforts to restore him he was removed in an unconscious condition to Pirbright Hospital in an ambulance.  _ Tommy: "Can wn otay a iturpiLl4 in hers, mamma P" Mainnit (wh:: ha.s a heatliche): "Certainly, but you must be very, very uu,et." Tommy: "Well, we'll pretend we don't advertise." She: "Do you remember you said you would do anything I asked when I promised to marry you ?" He: "Yes; hut I didn't know then how much spare time a woman had to think up tlitno to ask for. "If there's an thing I dislike," said one citizen, "it's to see a man effemtnate in .ittire." "It is unpleasant," was the reply; "and yet about the only way for him to keep from being so these days is to tut on petticoats. _ _  "L it true that Maud Makofsee was arrested for intimidating voters ?" "Yes. Sue threatened to kiss every man who would vote for Johnson." • - - - _ . . . .  "What is that place down there ?"- asked she (oa her voyage). "Why, that is the stoerase," answered he. "And does it take all those peo,de to make the boat go straight?" _ _  Lay: "Don't you know that smoking isn't good for little boys P" Bad liqle boy: "Yes, this 'ere fag (puff) was making no lirtle brudder sick (puff), an' so I tuk it from him."  Ford: "le your wife exhibiting any' new woman' tendencies ?" Smillworti " Well, no—except, of course, when it comes to new clothes. She insists on their newnes4 right along." Would-be cyclist: "I thought you said that after twelve lessons of an hour each I should know bow to ride P" Cycling Instructor: "S.) )ou would, sir, if you hadn't spent the 1)434 part of the time on the ground." "Will you be mine ?" he filtered. She looked upon him with disdain. "I thou Mc you knew betierl His head sank upon his breast. "I do," he answered, In a hollow voice, "but they have all refus d me, one by one." Mrs. Chugwater: "What did the doctor say you'd better do for your cold, Joeioh ?" Mr. Chug. eater: "He told me to t .ke a nightcap.'" Mrs. Chugwater (greatly relieved): 'ls that all P You can have one of mink" "Bridget, have you cracked those nuts for the dessert I want to make ?" "Yis, ma'am; all but thim big walnuts, an' it'll take stronger jaws than mine to manage them; but I got troo wid the others rnieht. ma'am."  Full Particulars Mpg Moe  '4llll "Of 11Fle 103 "VI -gps 'We 'lll6O ook4 -‘ ;  ;