Bridlington and Quay Gazette. — 1887-02-26 (Bridlington, Humberside, England)

WIT AND HUMOUR.  The sting of a reproach is the truth of it. What is that which by losing an eye has only a nose left 7—A ',i.e. _  Foote sal to a friend on one occasion—Div horse tau stand faster than yours can gallop. Man wants vacation here below,  He wants it soon and long. A rural Vermont newspaper announces that its minimum charge for a first-clan marriage notice will be ; 51b. of dried apples. Notices with "poetry" cost 121 b. of onions more.  Evening wean—We are constantly told that 4the evening wore on"—but wind the evening wore on such ,casione we are not informed. Was it the close eta summer's day An obituary notice eta youngWarringtonian says He died regretted by a large circle who had cherished the hope that he would outlive his father, and pay them their loans out of the old man's hoarded fortune.  "I don't believe that there's anybody that never heard the •Old Hundreth,' "said a musical young lady "I do—lots of 'ern. "responded her precocious young brother. "Where are they?" "In the deaf and dumb asylums." During a recent fearful storm in Paris the electric fluid descended into the office of a great financial establishment in that city, but the cashier was no/ harmed as he litul juA started for Belgium with at the available cash of the establishment.  Con.—Why are present fashions calculated to in jive the tempers of laihes?—Because, no matter bus amiable a lady's disposition may be naturally she required to be ruffled whenever she appears in society. When Philip of Macedon wrote to the Spartan iphors "If I enter Laconia I will level Libeell33llloll to the ground, " he received for answer the single but significant word, "if." This is, perhaps, the finest example of laconic utterance on record. Toe following inscription appears in the churchyard at Rotlisay, N.B. Erected by Jane B— to the memory of her husband, John B—. 'Him that oometh into Me I will in no wise east out' " —a very kind reception promised to the next proposer. The late Dr. Fletcher was preaching an evening sermon toe crowded audience in Edinnurgh, when a note wne handed ui to him to intimate that if Doctor So-and-So w as in the church he was urgently wanted. Having read the note, and seeing the doctor moving off, be immediately oiled, with great fervour, "And may the Lord have mercy on his patient." A young mail in Widnes was recently found dead in hia bed, and the supposition was that lie committed suicide by poisoning, lint upon analysing the contents of his stomach nothing but the following wria found in it—Pickles, pound cakes, lemonade, cold turkey, beer, fried oysters, cold punch, ham sandwich, sponge "eke, beef tea, mince pie, champagne, lobster, game pie, fruit cake, tea, chicken, salad, whisky, coffec,Bologna sausage, port,cheesc. sardines' and sherry. The Jury returned a verdict of Died through the visitation of friends."  The man who was " moved to tears" complains of the dampness of the premises, and wishes to be moved back again. _ . .  " Your behavionr 0 meet singular, sir," said a young lady to a gentleman who had just stolen a kiss. "It that is all," said he, I will POOll make it plural." Mrs. Jones says eke elVathl so like a little change. ?ones offers her two-end-sixpence for half -a-crown.  R