Northern Weekly Gazette. — 1908-11-14 (Stockton-on-Tees, Cleveland, England)

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 1908.  " Halloa, Scudder; what are you ,building mator-shed?" "No; just a hat-box for my wife."  o : Book Agent: "Good morning! Are you the lady of the house?" Bridget: I'm wan o' thim."  -: 0 :  The wise man is cured of ambition by ambition: he aims at such great things that riches, preferment, favour, cannot satisfy him.—La Bruyere.  -- : 0 :  Those who are surprised are the improvident; those who grow irritated are the impotent; those who are angry prove that they are wanting iu judg• ment.  -: 0 :  Colonel: "Have you seen anything suspicious, sentry?" Sentry : " Yes, sir. I've seen a dead horee carted into camp, and I'm wondering what sort of a juint we'll have for dinner to-morrow !"  —: o :  _ Mrs Uptown: "I trust that we shall get along very nicely, Nora. lam not at all difficult to suit." Nora the new maid): "No, ma'am; that's what I thought the blcssod minute I set eyes on the master."  —: o :  "My poor deluded son," said Mrs Brown, shak. ing her head in the direction of a very fat girl; so that is the kind of thing he calls a duck, is it?" "I presume," returned old Brown, smiling mischievously, "it is because she waddles so."  o : " You're looking for new quartere, I hear?" said Kidder, at the breakfast table. "Y," replied the talkative boarder. " Why?" "Here's an ad. in the paper that should intereet you particularly: 'To let—nice room for gent with gas.'"  -:0:1 have seen a plant make its home on a ruck whose fare W 8.6 beaten by sun and storm, but the little tuft of green was fed by one thin red feeler from the parent root. Sn men can live the noble life in unlikely places if the line of communication is kept up between the soul and God. That is the secret.—Rcv. Edward Granger.  —: o :  Our lives are largely composed of habits. They are meant to make existence easier for us and better. A good habit, once formed, is like a towrope that pulls us along without our conscious effort. The more good habits we form the nobler and more succeissful life will be ever after. What dangerous folly it is, then, to make bad habits instead !  -: 0 : -- Offer a heartfelt thanksgiving every morning when you rise to the knowledge that you have something to do during the day which must be done, whether you like it or not. Being forced to work and forced to do your best will breed in you temperance, self-control, diligence. strength of will, content, and a hundred virtues which the idle will never know.  -- : 0 :  Atheism, if it were true, would leave man only the high-St brute, imprisoned in the grasp of a power called nature, Apr fate, which is as often malignant as it is kindly. The logical termination of this is suicide whenever the body is incurably hurt, whenever life becomes only a form of pain. It is when we believe in God the Father, when we know that we Are statioped by Him at our poste, that this life is a more fragment of a far grander and nobler cycle of existence, that we continue to endure.--" British Weekly."  .IGlio.V.Nligl  "Have you no home, my buy?" "Nu. We're house cleaning."  --- : o :  Hewitt: "I have been pinched for money lately." Jewett: "Well, women have different ways Qt getting it. My wife kisses me when she wants any."  - : 0 :  "Did your husband have any sort of luck at the races yesterday?" "Splendid! The railway system broke down, and he didn't get there till they were over."  : o :  Teacher: "Yee, Freddie, the tail of the comet is 3,000,000 miles long." Freddie: "Great Scott! There wouldn't be much fun tying a tin oan on the end of that!"  - : 0 :  Molly (at Douglas, between waltzes): "He says the world has been like a desert to him till he met me." Polly: "That explains why he dances so like a camel, I suppose!"  : o :  Mr Newwed: "These pies aren't near as good as the ones mother used to make." Mrs Newwed: "Yee, and your salary ain't near as good as the one my fa.ther used to make, either!"  -: 0 :  "Have you decided, Mies Ethel, where you are going for the summer i" "It's between two places, Mr Johnson." "Which two?" "Ma says it's to Switzerland, and pa says it's to the poor-house."  -: 0 :  _ "It's too bad," said the judge, caustically, "that the defendant should have chosen you for counseL You know nothing about law." "Well, your honour," replied the young lawyer, "I don't need to in this court."  —: 0 : Grandfather: "}ley! Stop a minute, boy, I want 'ee." Tommy: "Can't, 'cos mother'e waiting to give me a thrashing." Grandfather: "Bless met Fancy & boy running for it!" Tommy: "Well, if I don't father'll get home before it's over."  o The little group of bohemians were discussing their absent brothers. "And what has b.:come of Penner, the writer?" asked one reminiscently; "is he still a free lancet" "No," sighed another, "he is free no longer. The poor chap is married now."  -- : o :  Of all earthly spectacles few are more beautiful, and in some aspects more touching. than a friendship between two boys, unalloyed by any taint of selfishness, indiscriminating in its genuine enthusiasm, delicate in its natural roserve.—Farrar.  —: o :  _ "I has been told," said Mies Miami Brown, "dat de parrot is one of de longee' lived birds dat is." "Do statement." replied Mr Erasmus Pinkley, "is strictly ornithological." "I wonder why." "1 'specks dm one reason why de parrot lives so long is dat he ain't good to eat."  - : 0 :  . _ It is a grand mistake to look for the salvation of a man in his emotions, to look for the salvation of a man in any condition of his feelings. A man is not what his feelings are, whatever they may be. You are not what your emotions are, however strong they may be. You are just what your will is, and you will find its expression in your life. A man is a will, not a feeling. When the feelings become so strong that they determine the will, make the will decide on the side of Christ, then mere is conversion, then there is salvation; then, only then.—Spurgeon.