Widnes Examiner. — 1892-05-14 (Widnes, Cheshire, England)

BRIMSTOOIN AN' TRAYCLE. {MIXED.) Br Tust Dicic o' Bon's.  There's one class ow offence on th' increase as wants lookin' to an' stoppin,' an' thad is railway eawtrages. Aw should think aw read o' tour or dye a' last weeks poppers, mi own opinion bein' as one iv nod two on 'em were trumpt up cases for th' sake o' freetenin' brass eawt o' th' chaps concerned, or else to ged some chep notoriety. Iv aw were a, Judge aw'd be varra heavy on cases o' this sort, becose they're booath planned eawt afoorehand: Th' chaps calculate on th' trains between certain stations bein' so long on th' rooad, an' th' wi amen on th' chaps payin' p I preference to bein' med into a target for th' ncospapers an' th' public to chuck mud at. 0' as aw con say is as th' waistrel as teks advantage ov a woman thad way owt to ha' th' cat—an' plenty on id, beside a long term o' imprisonment—live year at leeast ; an aw'd be just as generous wi wimmen o' proved bad character as browt a charge o' thad soort ageean a respectable chap. Id seems to me as iv th' railway companies 'll hey to hey different lots o' carriages, labelled " Men only," an' " Women only"—yigh, an' " Married couples only;" and they'll hey to be varra strict, an' hey intelligent poorters to examine th' marriage lines o' th' last lot aw mentioned. Aw darsay they could add a carriage or two for "Engaged Couples," an' soon spare other fooak th' sad spectacle o' their silly carryin'•on. As far as aw'm concerned a* olez ged into a carriage wheere there's a lot o' chaps—an' aw olez shall do ; an' my advice to other chaps wod be for 'em to gooa an do th' same. Th. wimmen wod be better in a carriage wheere there's a lot moore wimmen; but on no ackeawnt wed aw advise 'em to ged in a compartment full o' men, becose they play " nap," an' use bad langwige when they loyse. an' they will smook iv id isn'd a smookha' carriage. Abeawt this Orme. Nod Little Orme, nor Great Orme—nowt so little as them, ail grand as they are. Nor th' Mrs. Orme as deed Cottler day., becose hoo wor but connected wi' literary chaps, like Ruskin, an' Rossetti, an' Svvinburne, an' professor this, thad, an. Vother.; 800 d th' noospappers wod'nd waste their vallyable space on fooak as nobbut knew a tooathri chaps they were inclined to laugh at. Orme's nowt ; Orme's snot so common as owt intellectual ; it's a race-boss.: Th' peppers hes quarried Deeming for o' he's wo'th, an' th' same wi' Mrs. Montagu, an' th' date o'th general lection : it's too owd a game to tawk abeawt th' sees-serpent, an' too soon on i'th' year for mammoth mushrooms, an' big gooseberries— sooa welcome Orme. We've hed at leeast a fortnit o' Orme, an' aw fancy mony a theawsand on us does'nd keer a—ne'er mind wod—whether th' hose hes bin pizeued, or whether it's bed th' toothwerch bad. _ . _  'oAtd  Five theawsand ipeawnd reward isn'd so dusty, when yo' come to consider as we seldom offer more nor fifty for a mortherer—but yo' mon excuse me for forgeddin' an' bein' so silly as to compare human life wi' thad ov a hoes, an' a race-hoes, to boot ; one the hp his '  aunderdth is abeawt th' vally. A mon or woman's life is'nd wo'th so mich. even iv it's weel insured an' yore lucky enough to ged th' brass ; but wi' a racehoss—well, yo' con lay one shillin' or a quid to sixty on id an' win—happen wont i' five hundred times. Wod abeawt loysin' t'other four hundred an ninety nine times? An' th' suicides through dooin' soot ? Losses is never ceawnted, an' as for th' suicides—ax me summat eeasier. To tell yo' th truth, th whol truth, an' nowt nobbut th' truth, aw hey'nd a bit o' sympathy wi' his Grace, nor wi' them as sympathises wi' him, for aw think bettin' on bosses 'hes bin th' mekkin' o' moore clam'd wimmen an' childer nor owt else, includin' drink; an' th' cause o' moore suicides nor th' tables at Monte Carlo.  • Thinkin' o' th' good use five theawsand peawnd could be put to reminds me o' th' fifty-nine Bradford fooak as landed at Liverpool last Tuesda' fro' Rio de Janeiro. Moore nor a year sin' welly six hunderd men, wimmen, an' childer went to Brazil under th' impression as id were a land flowin' wi' milk an' honey, iv th' streets worn'd paved wi' gowd. They bed pamphlets gi'n 'em bi a emigration agency as towd 'em as werkin' men an' their families could save sixty peawnd a year, as they'd hey a free grant o' land, a boss, a keaw, an' some poultry. Th' English government denies hevin' owt to do wi' this bit o' fiction, an aw believe id; sooa does th' Brazilian government, an' aw dorn'd believe id. Soon after these fooak went letters reycht Bradford o' th' state they were in; a committee were formed, subscriptions gotten in—varra slowly—an' a Bradford chap sent eawt wi' th' brass to collect th emigrants an' bring 'em booam. When he landed be fun as they were slavin' on' th' coffee plantations, or i' th' cotton factories, fro' foss thing th' mornin' to sunset, in a boilin' hot sun, wi' nowt to eyt but rice an' black beeans; they hed to live i' mud huts, wi' no windows to keep th' rain or th' heeat eawt, an' they geet no wages. Just th' opposite, for they were towd as they were i' debt for their booard an' lodgins ! That's saturant like bein' a British sowjer, isn'd id ? As far as th' food an' heawsin' an' wages gooa aw meean. An' one eawt o' every three as went are dead ; some on 'em were robbed o' their clooath in an' o' on 'em were werkt herd an' clam'd. Mother's wi' childer at their breasts dropt deawn bi th' rooad side, an' lay theere till they rotted. Dorn'd yo' forged th' name o' this hell-hoyle. B-R-A-Z-I-L ; that's th' way its spelled. * * *  Everything's bin so grand this week i' th' o' weather, an' th' trees, an' fleawers, an' birds, till aw r'ally meant to be leet-hearted ; but this news abeawt th' poor Bradford fooak's acted on my spirits summat like rain or sweeat acts on sterched things. Aw dorn'd feel as iv aw could laugti heawever mich th' provocation, but aw hooap we con o' httv a smile together as soon as th' general lection's o'er. ugh, we'll smile a forty hoss-peawer smile.