Brighouse & Rastrick Gazette. — 1891-01-24 (Brighouse, West Yorkshire, England)

AMERICAN CENSUS HUMOUR.  The American census authorities expected to find but little trouble in securing satisfactory statistics concerning mines; but in this they were very much mistaken. One man, to the question of how many animals he employed, chillingly "replied, "Three niggers and a Chinese cook." Sometimes answers were delayed by - love-making. One letter said, "The secretary has gone, up the lake to see his best girl, and when he comes back he will give you all the information you desire." One letter told a tale of misplaced confidence :—"ln reference to mining, I met a man who told me he was an expert. Myself and partner thought we had the right man in the right place, ao we hired him, we being only amateurs. Before we got through with him he imulcted us out of seven hundred dollars. We didn't , get 10 dollars' worth of gold out of the mine. I really think the same party knew more about shoe. ing mules than he did about mining." Failure to "strike it rich" was reflected in many of the answers. The, owner of an unproductive mine wrote :—"The name of my mine is the ‘U.B.D—,' and all I can say to your questions as to its value is to repeat the name. The only things I have ever got from the said mine are a sore back, a sore temper, and 1,500 dol. worth of debts. If you know any misguided man who would like a mine free of charge, , refer him to me. I will give him one half of the and for your trouble I will make you a present of the other half." An equally caustic gentleman—who says he is a Harvard graduate, and adds "B. A." to his name—contributes the following—"ln answer to your questions, I would say that, so far as I know, the mine of which I have the honour to be sole owner has never produced a red cent, although three former owners committed suicide after vain attempts to make the thing pay. In Order to avoid a similar fate, I have secured a flattering position as chief bar-tender and concoctor of liquid delights in Billy Scott's popular Art Gallery and Gambling Palace. H you ever come out this way, hunt me up. I will give you the mine." An enterprising New Mexican, bent on finding the precious metal somewhere, writes :—"Only the Almighty can get any silver out of my mine. It has all characteristics Of a silver bonanza—except the silver.- However, I hope to strike the vein some day; and, in the meantime, may I strike you for the loan of five dollars?" The gem of the collection is a misspelled talc of woe from Arizona. The form was returned blank, tut contained on the reverse the followinc, touching communication: "The superintendent is ded drunk, be allays is. the secretary is in jale for assolt and bettery on the endersined. I am sick in Bed from the Effecks. good .buy."  Several lambs, a horse, and a cow were frozen to death on Monday morning at Yeovil, where 19 degrees of frost were registered. The ice on the ponds there is mcre than a foot thick.  Chenies, where the ashes of the late Duke of Bedford now rest, is one of the most picturesque spots in Buckinghamshire, and is witltin comparatively easy reach of London. The Russell Chapel was built by Anne, Countess of Bedford, in 1556, and contains many beautiful monuments, including that of Earl Russell. The building is adjacent to the parish church, and could formerly be inspected by the public, but is now closed, except to members of the family, though some of. the monuments may be sPen through the windows. Frederick Walters, 18, giving an .address at a corroon lodging-house in Hoxton, Was charged before Mr. Montague Williams, Q.C., at North London Police-court, on Friday, with stealing a till and 15s. from the shop of Mr. James Baxter, corn factor, of Soutligate-road, Islington.—Thomas Vicary, , carman to prosecutor, said he met the prisoner coming from the shop with the till in his hand. Witness seized the prisoner, and gave him into the cu—st,s!y of a police-constable, who was on duty near by.—ln reply to the magistrate, the constable said he had made inquiries at the lodging. house, but the prisoner was not known there.—Mr. Montagu Williams: Go to. prison for three inontlis' hard labour. •. - . . .