The Warwickshire Herald. — 1899-08-03 (Birmingham, West Midlands, England)

HIS WIT SAVED HIM.  A strict rule promulgated by every successive commandant at the navy yard prohibits smoking on Mare Island, under the most stringent penalties. Admiral Miller, sauntering one recent afternoon through a distant part of the island, came upon an Irish labourer digging a trench and smoking a short black pipe. He was puffing away serenely, unconscious of regulations and with evident enjoyment. The Admiral, who was inundress uniform, stopped. "Don't you know, sir, that smoking is absolutely prohibited in the navy yard P" he said. The Irishman looked up, and with a kindly smile answered: _  "Indade, that's true, but here am I all be meself, wid not a sowl to say a wurrd to, and I thought I'd take a puff or two to relave the silence." "The regulations are explicit, sir," rebuked the Admiral, 'and the silence does lot excuse you. What's your name, sir ?" "An' who may you be, anyway ?" asked the Irishman. "I'm Admiral Miller, sir."  "jilt ili-e—iieNYilMiral ye are. 'Tis the fat job you have, Admiral. Be careful to kape it. Me name's Pat McGinnis." "Report at my office this afternoon without fail, McGinnis," said Miller, who could hardly keep from laughing. At fere o'clock poor Patrick, who had made up his mind there would be the deuce to pay, tramped over to headquarters, and the orderly ushered him into the dreaded presence of the Admiral, who said: "Sit down, Pat."... . .  iiii-aa'a;;;;,;,.--"Miller touched a bell. The orderly appeared. "Bring a bottle of champagne and two glum.," be add. _  Not a word was spoken until the wine arrived. The Admiral filled the two glasses and pushed one over towards the Irishman.  "Pat," he said, "give me the :pipe. You'll not need it again." The mystified labourer obeyed. "Now," said the Admiral, "drink hearty, Pat, but you'll keep your job as long as I'll keep mine." Nor is this the first situation saved by Irish wit.  Afternoon caller : "Is Miss Lippitt disengaged?" Nanette: "I'm afraid so, ma'am. I just see her young man hurry down the front steps with the diamond ring she's been wearing."—Boston Traveller. Mrs. Mimms: "Mary, it was one o'clock this morning when you got in. I heard you." Mary: "Well, ma'am, if! was you I'd take something to make me sleep better. I took my shoes off down in the kitchen and didn't make no more noise than a cat would. I've been kind of worried about you for a good while."  "Well, that's what I call an appropriate verdict,'" remarked Jilson the other evening, as he threw down his paper. "What is it?" asked his wife. "Why," he replied, "you know the defaulting cashier of the 'Steenth National Bank committed suicide when the shortage was discovered?" "Yes, I remember," said Mrs. Jilson ; "but what of the verdict?" "This morning," answered Jason, "the coroner's jury brought is a verdict of death from exposure."—Chicago Record.  The summer lions of St. Moritz are tne (*rand Thomas Anuerson sties Steele, was committed Duke and Duchess of Baden, who presumably like for trial at Northwich, charged with stealing money to escape from tourists in their own territory, from the Bear's Paw Inn. Among English visitors are the Duchess of Man. At Marlborough, Charles Peck, racehorse trainer, (nester and her daughter. Ogbourne, was fined 2,2 and costs for keepingAt Seasalter, Kent, an elderly man named Bodoa dog without a licence. was found dead milli his head in a foot bath. Catherine Freely was detrined in custody it Before placing his head in the water Hodges had Nottingham, charged with wounding a Ronal laid three old buckets beneath him to raise his body . Catholic priest, named Lathan's, at Bulwell, from the level of the door.ii