The Haslingden Gazette. — 1907-12-07 (Haslingden, Lancashire, England)

TOOM. WO ace staying about asset; miles to the Left of the cross I have made on the picture. All our fuse. P.S.—There is no room."  But at Christmas your relation. you. Presents they must and will have, or internecine war breaks out in the happy home. This it is that makes strong men shudder and heroic women burst into tears as the season of Christmas approaches. .  It is the choosing of the presents that brings the grey hairs. Relations don't want expensive things. That is their diabolical cruelty. If they did, they would see for themselves that they must lump it and go without. Not they !  They ;ant "some trifling little thing just to show they are not forgotten." If one wallowed in money it would be all right. One could send a balloon to Uncle Bob, an automobile to Aunt Agatha, and a mustang to one's mother-in-law. Any ass could choose a balloon; but just you try to choose an inexpensive little trifle A few years ago • fashionably dressed man rushed suddenly out of a fancy goods shop on December 20th, gave three loud screams, and hurled himself under the wheels of a passing 'bus. Ho was not hurt. The poor fellow's luck was dead out that Christmas. Charged subsequently with attempting to commit suicide, evidence was given by a shop assistant, who said the nian's actons had been most strange, lie had been wandering from counter to counter for saves and a half hours without choosing anything. On behalf of the prisoner it was pleaded that he had been trying to choose inexpensive little gifts for his relations, and counsel urged that warrants should be issued for the arrest of those relations as accessories before the fact. It is believed that this would have been done but for an unfortunato.incident.  Turning to the shop assistant, the magistrate remarked, "Instead of selling anything, you were 'sold' yourself." Two constables were carried out in hysterics, and the magistrate, delighted with the success of his joke, discharged the pris• oner. Two days later the man was found drowned.  To my mind, the wonder is that tragedies of this nature are not more frequent. There are also the appalling brainstorms into which one is plunged by the difficulty of recollect. ing the enormous list of relations and friends that must not be neglected. About two days before L'himentas tho normal man becomes so mixed that he can't rememb-r to whom he has sent presents and whom he has forgotten. A frightful example of this is supplied by the ease of a friend of mine, caused by an uncle from whom he had expectations. Ono Christmas his brain storms were so severe that he could not recollect whether he had post,l this person a present. In tho result he sent him eleven smokingcaps on eleven consecutive days. The uncle thought it was a stupid joke, and deliberately becked my friend off with • shilling, which he has never had to this day! ..•  we .e.i.ir;s7ti.7.tvtia Christmas hafting fetish.  _____ . I have alluded to that monstrous custom of saying, " Indigestion ! My dear fellow, pa:. your plate! Christmas only comes onee a year !" Why such brutal heartlessness at a season of goodwill? We don't do it at other times of the year. No one, after threw days rain, says, Rheumatic fever! My dear fellow, go and lie on the grass ! Summer only comet once a year !" But I am not going to dwell on this asprot cf the burden of Christmas. It is too literal • burden. It Nes too heavy. I will merely give a little story that was immensely popular in the turkey pens last year. "I believe they fatten us merely to kill es." a young cock bird remarked bitterly. "Don't you worry." an aged hen replied. "We get our own back !" And they do. don't they?  Woods' Great Peppermint Cure. for Cough and Cold.: never fails. b. lid.. 2e. Dd.  Two orphan children inmates of l'arnarvon Workhouse have just obtained scholarships ad mitting them to the (7arnarvon County School.  While cutting a horse's tail at East linapton. &Salton, JoArTh rem farm labourer, ens kicked he the animal and so seriously injured that he died.  Damage estimated at over £l.OOO was done by tt fir:. which broke out at Atlas Printing Works. Blackburn. owned by Messrs. J. S. Duxbury sod Sons, on Saturday.  Mr. 0. J. Leyland, of Haggerston Castle. Northumberland. has given up his intention of contesting Berwick Division in she Unionist in. terest on account of his health.