Widnes Examiner. — 1892-02-27 (Widnes, Cheshire, England)

DICK 0' BOB'S.  Booth "the conquering hero," an' Booth th' champion cadger an' picknicker 1 Booth, as hes browt big drum thumpin' to a science, Booth—etsettera. Whom' is he, onyway, an' wod hes he done as he should be med so mich fuss on, an' fited, as they co' id? Bands o' m—now, nod moosick ; we'll say bands o' discord wi' processions, an' banners tellin' fooak as "of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.' Well, aw'm nod beawn to believe tkad.  I' parenthesis here's a 'affable paragraph for Booth an' Company to read on their triumphal procession; aw copy id fro' last Wensda's "Manchester Guardian."  "Curate (24 years standing), with six children to educe' e, urgently appeals for help. No money in hand for coals or food. Any assistance thankfully acknowledged," &c. If this advertisement, Which appeaks in to-day's iforniny Post, be genuine, it reveals surely a very disgraceful state of affairs. It is difficult to imagine a dissenting minister in such a plight. In the Church of England such things should be impossible. What of the curate's rector ? What of his Bishop ?" I' repoort published, Booth says, iv th' public fled stumpt up th' million peawnd he axt for, they (th' Army) wodn'd ha' bin foorced to be so keerful i' their eawtlay as they'd hod to be ! Good owd keerfulness ! Good owd eawtlay ! ! "With regard to the Over-The-Sea colony he had not yet decided where it was to be. He was in the position of a man with too many sweethearts." Just sooa, Booth; that's a varra good illustration, an' aw shouldn'd be a bit su'prised iv tha dudn't jilt one or two on 'em—happen o'th lot. Then tha'll be browt up for breach o' promise, an' there'll be heavy damages. * _ *  There's some rum things i'th' peppers this week, an' some on 'em read like chapters fro' novels, an' penny awfuls. Tek th' disappearance of thad bank manager, an' yo' fancy it's a bit fro' one o' Miss Braddon's books; or thad chap as robbed one train an' run away on a engine, and swapt shots wi' th' chaps as were chasin' him up an' fleawn th' line. An' this Morland blackmailin' case—aw hooap he'll ged ten year; an' Mrs. Osborne's to be tried on th' twelfth o' next month. An' aboon o' a paragraft as shows wod th' merch o'intellect is doin'for fooak deawn Bristol way. Id seems as a labourer med a bet as he'd sup twelve gills i' less nor 25 minutes, an' he were three sheets i'th' wind when he sterted ; just as he reycht th' eighth Rill he fell deawn, an' deed i' varra little time. Th' Breawner's jury owt to ha' browt in a verdict o' "Committed suicide durin' temporary insanity," or else browt id in as manslaughter, an' imprisoned th' landlord an' th' chaps 3.5 geet him for sich a silly wager.  • .. Poetry lesson continid : Last week th' learnin' poet hed disflggered th' pepper an' shut hissel• up in a room ; ked getten this far:  . . . . day, . . sheawers ;• . . fleawers. Iv th' poet wants to do summat on "Nature" he'll do an' heawr's stud yin', an disfigger thusly: . . brids are singin . day, . . . April sheawers ; . . . merry month o' May, . . . trees an' fleawers. .  Th' poet mon rest abeawt a week, an' then hey arother do ; i'th' meantime he should try a tooathri Torkish baths.  When th' poim is flnisht th' poet mon ayther put id i' th' the, or else tek id to a Editor; but it's better sent bi th' pooast, becose Editors hes heavy shoots on, an' they reavect nob'ry but big advertisers as nays beforehand. Aw've heeard o' Editors cossin' poets till they're black i'th' face, (th' Editor nod th' poets; th' poets ged red i' th' face, an' somewheereelse too, sometimes)._  Aw think aw've gin enough for a fost lesson, wi' s good exercise chuckt in ; it's a exercise as is good for stock subjects, an' its eeasy to mek into th followin'  Addresses to ony o'th' s eeaaons ; Lines on a swell weddin'.  Or they con be med into a Salvation Army hymn, a comic song, or owt else, an' i' ony style fro' Shakespeare's deaunwards. An' style's everything to a young poet. lv he con werk his things up i' Shakespeare's style, he'll hey a better chance 'em,nor he wod iv they wer i' poet Close's, becose Billy Shakespeare's is a varra tekkin' style. Th' young pr.et mon be keerful nod to chuck up his weyvin' or clerkin' o' at wonst on th' strength o' mekkin' a livin' bi poetry writin', becose varra good poetry nobbut fotches abeawt thrippence a column, an' varra bad poetry costs .th' poet advertisement rates on th' highest scale, iv it's inserted.