The Central Glamorgan Gazette, and General, Commercial, and Agricultural Advertiser. — 1889-09-27 (Bridgend, Mid Glamorgan, Wales)

OUR OMNIBUS. [BY A SPECIAL CONDUCTOR.]  WIFE: "Mr Blower, you've always claimed to be a man of push, haven't you ? " Husband : "That's what I claim to be clearest,; and I'm always ready to stand by that assertion." Wife: "Then, what's the matter with pushing this perambulator. ? "  It is early, with summer yet upon us, to talk of pantomimes, but it may not be uninteresting to note the fact that the managers of both the Cardiff theatres have long since selected their subjects and engaged their principal artists. At the Theatre Royal "Red Riding Hood" will be presented with Miss Alice Leamar in the title rote; whilst at the Grand good old "Robinson Crusoe " will do duty once again.  A parochial grievance—calling the Llantwit drains sewers; some people like their molehills being called mountains; and their ducks dubbed swans. Well done meeting at the "Swan."  The publisher of the Wasp in libelling a wellknown actress has burnt his wings; in fact he has had a complete sin gem.  "Their beards wagged all,"—at the market ordinary.  Come and have one more drain at the Castle said one guardian to another, after transacting the business at the sanitary meeting.  A young lady has recently been summoned for not muzzling her dog. She is evidently a witty young person, for professedly solicitous for the comfort if not the convenience of her canine friend, she placed the muzzle on his " natiative," and argued that she had complied with the order.  It is all very well to summon young ladies for not muzzling their dogs, but what about that wicked young " masher " who has been dogging the muslin all through the summer months?  A Brummagem pote has rolled off the following, about the grocer and his love : The grocer loved a charming girl, As lovely as the day; He wondered if she'd marry him, • And said, " Let Soap she may." And straightway to her house he went, Her lovely face to see, Exclaiming, " Ah, I know full well That Cheese the girl for me." The girl was very kind, and said That she was very glad To see him there, and then remarked, "What a bad Oleg had." As soon they got quite intimate, She let him lass her brow ; But when he spoke of marriage, said, "Oh, do not Teas me now. The grocer's spirit fell at this, He felt as though he'd die, And hinted at a suicide, While she Bacon to cry. "You silly boy, you don't suppose I'm blind to all your merits ; " It's evident she knew a way A Raisin up his "spirits." But true love's course did ne'er run smooth— Her father saw him kiss, And kicked him from the room, and said, " You Biscuit out of this !" And thus abjured, he soon got out, It hardly need be said; And tumbling headlong down the stairs, Mustard-ily hit his head. " Oh ! father, you are cruel to To roughly handle us"; Thus spoke the girl, and father said, "I think it's Candle us." Papa relented when he saw His child begin to cry : There, there, you think may treatment harsh, My daughter—Soda I." "There, keep your lover, dry your eyes, And let's have no more row; I do not like the man, but my Opinion Salt-erd now. The two were wed, and made a pair By no means ill-assorted : And happy ever after were, It's Currant-1y reported.  I was driving up towards one of my places of call at Scybbor-y-groes on Wednesday afternoon at a quiet pace like the driver of a " growler " watching for a "fare," when I was nearly upset by the approach of a rapidly driven trap, in which was seated our worthy Superintendent of the Homes, and one of the " bhoys." It afforded me an opportunity of looking at the new purchase, and I must say that the animal is a smart little "tit." The super, judging from his cargo had been botanising, with a view to decorative purposes; and but for the warm rays of the sun I should have supposed that Christmas was handy.  But what a cart before the horse method of dealing with the ratepayer's money. The donkey was too small for the work, the pony is too small for the cart—hence ;the now trap; the moke's harness doesn't fit the pony, therefore we have quite a new "turn out." But what is there to be hauled to or from the Homes? that is what I want to know. The pony is not big enough to haul some of the committee men to the meetings, especially if they are not inclined to attend; and if the pony and vehicle is intended for the Superintendent and his family to jaunt about, then I (capital i please) as a ratepayer enter my strong protest.  The visits of the Inspector are; periodical to view our citizen soldiers; but there arc other visits of a surprise kind, not always agreeable. It is inconvenient when the Inspector of Factories finds the hard worked urchin "on the job" after hours; or that fragile flower, the milliner's assistant, stitching away far into the night. But "oh ! what a surprise," when the School Inspector visited a certain educational institution this week, and found out more than three little girls in school, who ought to have been out trundling their hoops or busy with their skipping ropes. Perhaps the visit may be of good effect; and I hope the children will profit in health by being let out of school with greater punctuality. There are some more visits to take place in the town; please get ready.  Little Johnny Tewgood writes me as follows : Dear Omnibus (I protest it is very cheap at the price, S.C.) seeing that "All Rounder" does not take any notice of our youthful games will you please to notify that when the dirty weather sets in tip•eat and marbles then come to the front once more ; in order to prepare for being in a Third Bridgend Football team it is good to splash through the wet gutters; it also shows rare form if you can capsize your school-fellow into one of the mud heaps left ungathered by the town scavenger. These and other customs will impress the passer-by that you are getting on out of school as well as in.