The Herald of Wales. — 1888-02-04 (Swansea, West Glamorgan, Wales)

WILSON BARRETT.  In my teens I was the juvenile actor at Leioeste#, and, as a rule, had to play in the farces. One evening, however, for a wonder, I was not cast in the afterpiece,---imd had tal4n no interut in it—in fact, knew absolutely nothing about it. It had commenced, and as I passed the wings to leave the theatre, I was suddenly seized by the prompter—a most eccentric old gentleman named /fallen —who excitedlyshouted, Cu on the stage, air; go on." " But I am not playing in the Nese," I urged. "No matter, go on; the stage is waiting!" -said Hellen. "What for'' I asked. drank, can't ipeak ; ggion, I tell you." With that Hellen -propelled me through the -door of the scene on to the stage. Not knowing what thocharacter was, much less any of the words, there was I, and there was the audience. The first question asked me by the oomedian was, "Who the devil are you?" "how the devil should I know'"! answered, angrily. Then came, "What is your name, sir?" "I have forgotten it," was my reply. "Where do you conic from, air? "was the next query ; "I've never been there, sir," the answer. "This kind of thittg went on until the poor comedian,who bad been robbed of all his best lines. yelled out in a rage, "Get ont of this place!" " I wisn I'd never been in it," I answered, and gratefully went. What the part was that I bad played (?) I know not unto this day.— " Era " Almanack,  Policeman: "'Come along now quietly, or it will be worse for you." O'Toole "0111 not ! The magistrate told me lest time niver to be brought befoorl him again, an' begorra Oi'm gob' to obey his instruitions !"  A little while ago Dr. Parker hadhs collection, and he announced 'with deep' whoa thist widows and orphans would not be expected to contribute. A few Sundays afterwards there was another collection. "This time," said the preacher, "widow. end orphans will not be exempt; for no battle ever made so many widows and orphans as the announcement issued on a previous Sunday."  "Do ye love me yit, Dinnis ?" "Arrah, now, be off wid ye, Judy! Wasn't it ownly yisther evenin' Oiwu teilin' ye thot same • thousan' toimes ? " " .Mebbe ye was, Monis, but it's • enspicionoi had ye was dhramin'.r "Whist, now, ye brotheen ! Come here till Oi whisper it in yer ear." " Aisy, ne by I It's hard of hearin' Oi am wid me earl; but if yell whisper ill on me lip.. Dinnis, it'll reache me nomgeetinaion, so it wilL"  am. ram; init,'‘ said Little Tot, se ii 4 curiously wattled the peculiar "twinkle "of the a I. ars features; "every time he stops to smell any- , th ghe seems to stutter with his nose." astor : "Thomas, don't you think your parents , would feel very sore if they knew you were fishing on the 'Sabbath ?" Thomas: 'Yes, sir. Bat not half ro sore at I'd feel if they found ate out." ' ~ .. . . . . .  Guide (explaining the view of mountain to • party): "And here is the Place where • 'young lady jumped ; off and committed suicide." Lady: "From melan. cliory ?" Guide: "No, main; from England." fhpiimiss Man: "You vagabond ! You sent in word that you would see me ow business, and whim I ak what your business is, you Ibeg ! " Vagabond: " 11.1 c you forget, sir; .begging is my business." Wigeolg "I don't know what' I'm to do about t%st b.ll [owe at Sontag'a He annoys ins fearbilly." Wife : "Well, you know if he becomes unbearable van pay it." Wigwag "Yes, I can do that." ifrom the upper landing): "Is that you, Lo ?" Mr. Livingston (Who hasn't Come in very ,mccessfully): "No, in' dearsh, it 'sh Wet' Hyde. Mist' Jekyll didn't (help me up, I shay!) ge out '  li.nlev who haa entered the undertaker's by mist:ow, Thinking that it is the, piano shop nest door): w.nt soniothing nice in the upright style. What h.-. got?' Uudin taker (nonplussed, but 0001)' Excuse 11111, sir; are ton going to boy Oil doomed