Nelson Chronicle, Colne Observer, and Clitheroe Division News. — 1892-04-14 (Nelson, Lancashire, England)

THE TRUE HISTORY OF JOA MUGGINS.  1.--JOA'S COURTSHIP.  BY JOA'S GIIRT GRONSON.  Joa Muggins wor a nativ ov Barlick, at least foke sed he wor. Some mean people sed, he wor born varry near'th sun; but, I'm nooan bawn to say owt for or agenst this assertion, suffice for aw practical purposes th't Joa Muggins had bin born eemewhere. He wornt ower stocked wi' common sense, an what little he did possess wor varry badly used.  Th' reader may know as mich abaat Gill Loine as aw do misen; but, if t' does'nt, I'll let th' int't secret ov haw t'young chaps goa a' cooartin abaat Barlick. Ivveri Sunda' t'aft ernoin (weather permitting) t'young women ard men goa up Gill. Naw if tha sud ivver bi up that way, when th' meets a young woman 'at th' likes tha mun say: " h'm, h'm." If shoos willin' to bi cooarted shoo'l goa " h'm, h'm," back ageen. When shoo does, thall a' copped on, as they caw it i' Barlick. Sometimes they'! shawt "Blatther Heead " or "Soft Nut," but tha morut bi flaid bi Bich bike, for I know if tha goes on " h'ming " tha'll win i'th lang run. It wor one Sunda th'afternooin, when Jon. Muggins went a' wawkin up Gill Loin. He'd nobbut getten as far sat' canal brig when he saw Betty Smuggins. Awm nocan bawl' to.' say shoo wor a reeal boot], bikawse shoo uivver posed as Bich; but, I am bawn ta say shoo wor a gooid looikin as he wor. An if ya 1360 Joa, yaw'll admit 'at he wor rayther behint dooar when'th booti wor handed rawnd. But takken on th' whole they wcr fairly equal as far sat' brains an'th booti went, and wor jubt sooted for each uther. When Joa geet ammust opposit Betty he gay three gooid " h'ms," wich wor responded to bi three varry snaffling ones fra Betty. " Gooid afternooin, Miss Smuggins," sed  Joa. "Good afternoon," replied Betty. "Art ta' bawn a' wawkin Betty ? " " Yes ! " "Can I coom with'r I" " Tha can please thisen, as awm nooan perticler whether tha does or nut." "Well, by gum! awm bawn ta coom wi thi, as I allus tooak a gurt liken ta thee, Betty." "If tha art bawn wi me, I sail want nooan o' thi fancy tawk; so tha knows naw what to do, awther ta shut up thi trap, or goa hi thi son. "Nay, Betty, if th' nobbut noo haw mich I love thi, tha wodn't tawk like that." "Love me Thee love onuybody I. Wha amm fare capp't ta heear thi' mention Bich an a thing. An if tha spakes to me ageean on th' subject, aw'll mak thi wish thisen i' cut." " Oh-o-o-o-o I" blurted Jos, its nobbut ast' pooet ees : "I nivver loved a tree or flawar, But 'twas th' ferst ta fade away." "Thal faade away i' flaw, if th' goes on mich longer wi' thi' silly tawk." " A'a, Betty! its nut my fawlt 'at I love thi, its nooan of my makkin'; but aw'll tell thi what, it' ta doesn't love me, aw'll run away an join'th Skipton Volunteers, as I dooant ore haw soon awm killed i' wawrfare." "Thee join'th Skipton Volunteers ! Wha they wodn't let thi goa onnyway near 'th th'enemy, an anuther thing, th'at too big round t'heead for a sojer." " Aw dooant care, awm determined to mak away wi misen if tha weeant love me." " Naw Joa, doesn't th' think 'at tha'art makkiu a gurt mistak bi Waling i' love wi me 7 " " Noa aw dooant, for tha'art bonniest lass Barlick. Eli! What een ! What a ntoase ! " "Its noa ware than thine, aw'll let th' see, thaws nooan bawn to say what ta' likes abaat my noase." " Awm nut sayin onnything ageon thi noase, as its a reglar booti. What they caw aquiline." "Its nut a queerer line than thine hawt' "I sed nowt abaat queer; it wor Latin I used then." "A. lot tha knows abaat Latin." "Well, I know that mich abaat Latin, but, looak here Betty, awm nut goain to fawl awt wi thi, I love th' ower wee'll. Eh Betty if tha cud nobbut see thisen i' a glass, thaw'd bi fare cap't." "An if tha saw thisen i' a glass thaw'd commit suicide at Once; wi one looak at thi heeai, which is just loike a mof, Joa." ." Nay ! nay! Lase. Haw cant ta' faehun to say that abaat rue 7 " "Dust ta think awm bawn ta let thee say what ta likes abaat me an aw mornt say nowt back ageean Noa, Joa aw wor nooan born y estrda'." " Coom, coom, Betty, wee'll nut qwarrel, an if tha'll gi' me' a kuss, love, wee'll mak it up." " Aw'll gi' thr a kiss 'at thall nooan forget aw at once if tha tawks to me abaat kussin. Dust ta' thinks awm a barn, or what?" "Nay, ow dooant think owt 'at sooart ; but if tha loved me haaf as mich as I love thee, tha'n nooan tawk abaat emakkin me ower'th jaw." "Joa, if tha goas on as ta' art goain on, aw sail begin ta think 'at th'th nooan reight thi heead." "What mull doa 7 Aw've towd thi love thi, wat else can aw say? Note as aw I know on. Boi Goff lass ! But there's summat else aw can say." " What it'?" "'Wilt ta' wed me I " " Naw tha begins ta spake a bit bike. Haw rajah th'weeak dust ta addle 7 " "Twenty fower shillings." Haw much brass ast ta saved up?"