Stockton Herald, South Durham and Cleveland Advertiser. — 1886-03-13 (Stockton-on-Tees, Cleveland, England)

CURRENT HUMOUR.  (FROM " JUDI.") WAS IT A GENTLE HINT TO HIM ?—Captain Slashington "I say, old fellab I That was a remarlusbly nice little girl you danced with so much last night at Montressor's." Lieutenant Orashington: "Oh t you mean the family gover-lleela 1 ;0481 doosed nice, deah boy. Preeteea though : I told or that, like a fool, I'd- never insurso -life, but Ibteudea doing so before Ours goes out to-MC*l when she trirned round and said she did uot infielder a single file worth insuring. What the dickens could she be driving at?" People in Dublin are afraid to discharge their servants for fear of the National League. To , be able to remonstrate with a cook for sending joints to table raw ou one side and burnt to a cinder on the other is a _privilege of the past. As for discharging one who persistently serves up hairy butter and beetle soup, why, the thing totally impossible! The League steps in and says, "No." Bless me I Another trifling mistake has been made by the active and intelligent practitioner left in charge of a dispensary. Two women, strangers to each other, were simultaneously affected with some slight stomachic disorder, and applied for medicine to relieve the ill. They got it, nnlackily for themselves, as it proved, for each expired within a few hours after swallowing the precious compound. Their relatives are now on the look-out for the "young man" belonging to the dispensary, who has since disappeared. Two would-be suicides, who went to purchase laudanum of him, and got jitlap instead, are also awaiting the return of Galen with mingled feelings. A difference of opinion has arisen among , ladies as to whether the prefix " Miss " ought to ; be used to the names of elderly spinsters, the ' word " Miss" being anggestive of witching eyes, damask cheeks, rosy lips, &c. But certain aged virgins who advocate Women's Rights uphold the prefix in language which ranges from mild vituperation to emphatic condemnation. They won t hear of the old-fashioned prefix" Mistress " I' being adopted at any price. i A practical jokist n America poured a large 11 can of rock-oil down a chimney to startle a few 11 friends who were seated round a fire below. The P. J.'a lark succeeded admirably from his own point of view, for he startled the friends effectually; in fact, he startled several of them out of this world. A nice stiff dose of prussic acid popped in this youth's tea might cure his propensity for fooling. According to some late decisions the owner of a ferocious dog is not liable to compensate the first person the animal bites. The second party however, stands some small chance of obteu;sing damages—about fourpence for the Toss of one calf, or sevenpenee h& penny for two.  (Faux "Fox.") A gentleman of independent means, residing at Derby, sauntered forth the other day. While taking his walk abroad be rested at various places, and nefariously took a hymn book, a Prayer Book, a toilot cover, and a jug. He also took a glass—a glass too much. Next day he made his twenty-fifth appearance before a magistrate, who sent him up for a month, with a message to the good chaplain asking that divine to sort over the prisoner's morals. The gentleman of independent means asked if he might be allowed to retain the Prayer Book and hymn book he had annexed, as he felt sure they would come in handy to the prison clergyman. A