The Cotton Factory Times. — 1897-06-11 (Manchester, Greater Manchester, England)

REFLECTIONS OF A BACHELOR. —That was a smart men who dedicated his book of poems "To One Who Knows." When a man forgives a woman he forgives her; when a woman forgives a man she reminds him of it afterward. A baby shaw with six sees of triplets and thirty sets of twins is We best soil in the world to grow old bachelors. Women like to take oare of men when they are sick, bemese they know it's the only time they can get them at a disadvantage. When a man tries to impress people he keeps quiet when he oueht to talk; when a woman tries it she talks when she ought to keep quiet. A. woruau may make a fool of herself in a god many ways, but a man sometimes makes a good many fools of himself in the same way. Tme REASON Wiry.—"Bcgorra! Ph braok ye, if ye see that! Why do ye doubt me word ?" "I've wan good reason. Casey; its becos yet u loisir!" SEEDIG Roma—The illusions of the foreign traveller are well hit off by some remarks, real or invented, credited to Pope Pius IX. "How long have you been in Rome ?" asked Pins IX. of a visitor, one of three who had been admitted to audience. "Three weeks," was the answer. " Ah, then, you have seen Rome. And how long have you been here ?" be continued, turning to the second visitor. "Three months," answered the man. "You, then, have begun to see Rome. And you, sir," addressing the third visitor, "hew long have you been here?" "Three years," was the reply. " Ah, yes," said the Pope; "then you have not begun to see Rome."  The British flag?—Never. An open question.—Are you going to let me in? Cheap out-of-door breakfast. A roll on the grass. _  Fine, ss. and ovate; Finer, the jadfle ; Finis, the prison.  Do not infer tha4 an individual is going to spin a yarn because he knits his brow. "John, what is that scar on your chin ?" "That scar; oh, that is a retie of barbarism."  "He has left a void that cannot be easily filled as the bank direetor toselsiagly remarked of the absconding cashier.  Mr. Oldbeau to young rival, before young lady to whom they are both &Attritive): " Why, bites me, Charley, hew you've grown I" "Can yen tell me," asked a man of a tailor, "how you can to got this coat so tight?' "Oh, yes, sir. The fact that yen we.re tist wlsen measured you."  Breakfast-tab:ie. Father of family, reading: "There is a oat in Ma.neibester that drinks beer." Daughter (fourteen): "2a, she mast be a Itialtiwe oatg!" An eklerly man Wadi oonchte.tireg cla.octitter to ehtirob mbe Stitulay. On the twAy the stri dyes" the father'sl anim oßome nnavA in a iitgit, wet told him that there were just in of them. "Yon foeiwn iltrl," "" rePlied, " yoa ought not to be eArturting cows en the eabbaett Jay ; beeidee, there are oely 18 there."  An Irishman, owing to d readf al misforttuaes, resolved to commit suicide. But as he chel nottvioh it to he known, beet it should leave a stain on his family, he left a note on thetawk to the following effect : "1 hops you unll not think that I mornsuicide. my death is the result of an u.coident. The pi.of went offset was oleaatcrg it."  "th, did you ever stop to think,' stvid a grocer recently as he measured out buff a perk of potatoes, " thit the potatoes coo-tibial sugar, water, and jac‘rok, r, "so, I didn't," replied the boy, " but I hoard mother day you put peas sad beaus in your coffee, and about a pint ef water in every quart of yon eoid." The subject of riataati was drogkeii•