The Blandford and Wimbourne Telegram. — 1886-05-07 (Blandford, Dorset, England)

CATHOLIC DECLARATION.  The following declaration was unanimously agreed to on Thursday at a conference, and signed ,by the Archbishop and every priest in the Archdiocese of Cashel and Einly We, the undersigned Archbishop and clergy of the Archdiocese of Cashel and Emly, in conference assembled, desire to express our deep sense of gratitude to the Right Hon. Wm. Ewart tiladatone, Primo Minister of England, for the many signal serviette he has from time to time rendered to our country during his distinguished career as a statesman, notably for the Disestablishinent of the Protestant Church, foe the Land and Franchise Acts, and in general for the great and abiding interest he has for many years evinced, in everything that would tend to proves: and pacification in Ireland. But at this, perhaps, the most critical period of our history, we feel called upon to declare in a very special manner that we have been profoundly moved by the heroic fortitude, utter forgetfulness of self, and fearless devotion to the high principle which he has manifested by the framing of those measures for the better government of Ireland, quite recently proposed by him, and read a first tint under his auspices in the House of Commons wish him from our li!arts the very best gifts that Go.I can give to man, and beg of him to accept the expression of our most profound respect and lasting gratitude.—T. NV. CROK I% Archbishop of Cashel.  A freah cold cannot be cured with salt.  An English traveller in America asked a oaptain of a lake steamer the name of the lake they were traversing. He replied —"Lake Huron." "Yea, I know," responded the Englishman, "it is the lake I am on; but what is its name?" " Why arn't the organ grinders numbered in this country, seine as they are in other countries r indignantly asked a gentleman, just returned from abroad. " Because they are numberless," replied one who had never been away from home. Not long ago a board-school inspector asked the members of a class: "What is the cause of the saltness of the ocean?" Flushed with the discovery which had flashed upon her mind, one little girl raised her hand. " You may tell," said the inspector. "Salt fish, sir !" exclaimed the pupil triumphantly. A young lady, supposed to be a confirmed manhater, was eating some ice-cream the other day, and expressed a dislike at its flavor. Her companions, who were better pleased, asked her what fault she found with it, whereupon she replied that it had a sort of shaving-soap taste. She had some difficulty in maintaining a proper degree of easy unconcern in replying to the questions that immediately followed. It is said that the feet are much larger in summer than in winter. This may be so, but we suspect that the savant who wade the discovery bases his theory upon the fact that he measured the footprints of his inamorata in the snow when she had on her French heeled boots lest winter, and in the summer took his dr.ta from the imprint of lier naked feet on the sea shore.  A Presbyterian Doctor of Divinity once said to me at a general assembly: "You newspaper men must have queer views of things. You are always looking on and never taking part. Your knowledge and habits of thought must be very circumferential and superficial. I suppose, now, your idea of the day of judgment is that you will have a table off one side and report the proceedings for the morning paper." A young lady in England was recently missing Irons home for several days. lier distracted parents sent detectives forth in search of her, and after they had scoured the country in vain she was given up. The grief of her parents knew no bounds, and when they were just resigning themselves to the awful calamity the young lady walked in, and stated that she had simply been waiting for her change at a draper's sale. Irate Customer—" Why can't you fellows be honest! That telephone you put in my store is a hand. Tee said that words could be distinetly heard for twenty miles." Telephone lien—" Well, they can." " They can't, I say. They can't be heard five block." "Oh, you are mistaken." "But lam not. 4 yelled myself hoarse at & man last evening only five blocks away, and be could not hear a word I said. Re said so." "Queer, very queer ; but, by the way, what was it you said to him?" "I asked him when he would be around to square sip his account," " Young man, you have been coining to my house almost every night during the whole winter, and now all at once you become cool, and hardly speak to my I daughter. What does all this mean? Explain yourself !" The young man hesitated, and finally said, in a sacred-sort of way " I—l came to your house during the winter, becanse—" " Youngman, if you love my daughter, come out and say so. " I came because—because I had no stove in my room, and I wanted to get warm." "You can just go to—where it is hot without a stove," and the young man picked himself up out on the sidewalk. Baron Riechenback declares that sleeping with the head pointing east and the feet west is tau.samount to committing suicide. NVell, if to Won ever noticed a boy sleep with his l;,e.ad Laaring south-east, halfeast, one leg due north, and the other bearing northhatk_r,c, tas tlw knee, and then heading due west, te lOt arna south by west hi the elbow and thence Aorthwest, and the 744 itrln east northeast, he would ?)342414414.,11 hlSttiories about north and south sleep. -.7iere any creature healthier than a boy, I withepintrog uobrlewdadkri neagt% andLiet hunaea yythao?ghets! all G noi t gnt to the slug thou ant, and learn to take things slow and easy without reference to the points of the compass.  Wurri'slloo-Mate LIVIR TIM is the ost effective !riven lion for the treatment of Hernia. The use of a steel spring, so hurtful In its effects, is avoided, • soft bandage being worn round the body, while the requisite resisting power is sup. tiled by the Moc-lfain Pad and Patent Lever, fitting with so much ease and clomnese that it di- not be detected. Send tor descriptive circular, with testimonials and prices, to J. White end Co. (Limited), 228, Plooadilly, London, Do not buy of kenitite, who often sell an imitation of our Dloc-hfain J. White and Co have no Agents. FATA3IIIII3IO NBARLY 60 YiMits.—White's Celebrated Moe Vain Trusses. Single Trusses, from 10e. ; Double Trusses, from Ms. Sent free from observation and post free.