Blandford Weekly News. — 1886-06-26 (Blandford, Dorset, England)

THE HISTORY OF A HAT. _  Had Mr. Biggar on Friday night administered the ce up de grace to a sitting of the Commons which was dying of sheer inability to keep alive at 7 instead of 8, Mr. Howell would probably have saved a hat. The member fie Bethnal Green had entered the House without incident. Waving an amicable hand to Mr. Bradlaugh, he stepped nimbly o the corn Mr. Pickard had brought in his right boot all the way from Normanton. Leaving the ex miner to squirm in sudden agony, Mr. Howell won his way to a seat, and proceeded to occupy it after his fashion. For every member with an idiosyncrasy betrays it nacre or less in his manner of taking his place. Sir 11,bert Peel, for example " plants " himself with a defiant and resolute motion suggestive of an Irish agrarian agitator rooting himself in the soil, or of an aggressive and piratical I'ower making seizure of the New Hebrides: Mr. Bracilaugh also attaches himself dorsally to the bench, plumping and settling his broad base thereon, as who should say, "Tin here, and I'll stick." Sir Richard Temple seats himself with a certain physical rebound, as if he bad touched a powerful spring, or been surprised by a lurking and playful pin. Mr. Gladstone himself selects his position as if with a perplexed coneciousnees that there are three courses or so open to him. It is only when the Treasury Bench is to well tenanted for hesitation that he makes his choice at once. Mr. Chamberlain scrutinises his perch before he annexes it—brings his eyeglass to bear upon it with the typical side-long suspicious regard of a magpie inspecting a marrow bone. Mr. Cavendish Bentinck will make a dive or dart for the post he has marked in his mind's eye. The aim achieved, he forthwith looks out for some other station, and as soon as possible transfers himself thereto, only be flit afresh with the restless energy of one pursuing the content which still eludes pursuit. Mr. Howell slips circumspectly to his destination, and nestles himself in it with the quiet and leisurely deliberation of a man disposing himself to take out of the berth all the bodily comfort it cart yield. Unluckily for the member for Bethnal Green, he did not put himself in possereion of his seat. He merely left his hat. The business began. The spirit of dulness brooded over the House. Mr. Hewell reappeared, advanced circumspectly to his seat, took his hat tenderly in his lap, and established himself in the place it had occupied. fie he eat through question time. Mr. Howell, again consigning his hat, executed a second retreat. The proceedings dragged their slow length, like the celebrated snake. Mr. Cavendish Bentinck, supported by Mr. Lewis, attacked the Shop Hours Regulation Bill, but suffered a severe repulse. The member for Bethnal Green acquitted himself faithfully in the division, having returned and res.-timed his seat at the first alarum of the bell. But having discharged his duty, he once more bestowed himself elsewhere, once more entrusting his property to its former keeper. There had (says the Globe) already fallen upon the sitting.a sinister shadow of the beginning of the end. Mr. Biggar had stealthily advanced himself from a point of retreat under the side gallery, had calmly computed the collected wisdom, and, having apparently compared results with an estimate achieved on the back of an envelope had proclaimed a count. The attempt failed to produce anything more noteworthy than the hasty return of Hr. Howell, who bad accompanied the dispersal which ensued upon the announcement of a quorum. But the member for Cavan had registered his vow. He had arranged to play the Atropss of the occasion, and sat in his corner, with his fell shears up his Sleeve biding his chance to slit the thin-spun life of the sitting. He had, moreover, told it in Gath, and announced it in Askalon, that he meant to cut the thing short, and, the grim intention circulating, members in sympathy with it began to remove themselves as unobtrusively as might be. Sir Henry James gave the member for Cavan his opportunity. He seized it and moved a second count. Upon the challenge the waverets made up their minds and bolted. Absent members answered the Speaker's summons so far as to appear at the door of the House, but came on farther. Others came dawdling in, still with the air of wearied indifference which marked their deportment throughout the evening. More alert than the average, Mr. Howell presented himself, and,making for his place, trod afresh upon Mr. Pickard's corn, and, plueging desperately to relieve that victim of an unintentional torture, plumped into his own seet and sat squarely upon his own hat. Draw the veil ard drop the curtain with the count which ceded the brief sitting.  The Spanish Miniter of Marine, Admiral Berencer, has laid on the table of the Congress a bill asking authorisation to make an outlay of nine millions sterling on naval armaments, to be completed in four years, the expense to be covered by an extraordinary Budget to be submitted to the Cortes next year. Mr. Humphreys, assistant overseer, Thames Ditton, has mysteriously disappeared, and a communication has been received by the Vestry from Mr. Edge'', clerk to the Kingston Guardians, stating that an examination of the books nad revealed the fact that there were defalcations already discovered to the extent of over £1,500. Humphreye's ntspointment has been cancelled. After he had gone his wife found a letter intimating that he intended to commit suicide, and wishing her good-bye.