The Kenilworth Advertiser. — 1894-04-14 (Kenilworth, Warwickshire, England)

PARISIAN CREATION. Mary, had a little bunch Of silk with feathers on it: Her husband bad to foot the bill For a new ten-quid bonnet. Mother: "Why don't you study harder, and iss into a higher class?" Tommy: "Don't want toga into a higher class." Mother: "Why not?" Tommy: "'Cos I kin lick everybody in my class, an' if I git higher everybody in the next class'll be able te lick me—see!" Classical and appropriate.—Mrs. Tremont: "I'm going to put 'Welcome the Coming, Speed the Parting Guest,' over the door of our new house. I wish you would suggest a good inscription for the greet Ire-place." Mrs. Westerly: "How would 'ls it het enough for you ? ' do ?" Little boy: "They won't ever get me to give another penny towards a present of • book for the teacher." Mother: "What went wrong?" Little boy: "We got the principal to select one for her. and be picked out one that was jus' crowded fug of information, and she's been teachin' it to us ever since." The daughter of a country rector taught the choir boys a new tune at a Monday evening's practics. to be sung on the following Sunday. Sunday morning mine. "Well, Johnny," said Miss "I hope you haven't forgotten the new tune, for we depend much upon you." "Raw, mum, not a bit. Why, I've been a-skeering the wows with it all the week." The stomper stumped.—Mrs. Spouter : "Where are you going tonight, John?" Mr. Spouter: "I am due, my dear, to address the Consolidated Conthefederations of ie Home Industries of England. Mrs. Scouter: "If you would stop your talking and do more working, several home industries I too, of would prosper better. Hustle down, now, aad bring up the coal!" Perfectly helpless.—Mr. Meanitall: "So you have quite' recovered from your throat trouble, Hies Cctillon ?" Miss Cotillon: "Yes; but it has left me in a terrible condition. The doctor says I :hall never be able to raise my voice or scream." MrMeandall: "That is not very serious; you seem te talk all right." Miss Cotillou : "Yes; you suPPoll letneolle should try to kiss me, for instance ?" A gentleman travelling on the Great Northern Railway, having delivered his luggage to the cars of a porter, made himself comfortable in the corner of a carriage. The porter came to the carriage for the "reward of merit. "Well," said the passenger. "I see by the letters ‘G.N.R.' on your cap that Gestuities are Never Received." "A little mistake, sir," replied the porter; "it should be, Gratuities Never Refused." The Sublime Porte sat on his feet and lighted • cigarette. "Your Serene eminence," announced the grand toner guard, "a fair traveller craves permissioo to enter the royal harem to tell its images about the ways of their sisters of the West." Tlis Sultan shook his bead. "Inform her," be commanded, "that it's :against the rules. I guess I don't want any 475 women roasting me when I happen not to come home till sites midnight!" Fond mother (to daughter): "Jenny, did you Ids young Podmore again to-night?" Daughter: "Yea, mamma; he's just lost an uncle, sad I was sony for him." Fond mother: "Well, Jennie, let tbis he the last. I'm afraid, if you keep on encouraging him with your sympathy, he won't have • relative left in the wide, wide world." Father (a cigar merchant, to his future son-ialaw): "I shan't be able to give my daughter more than a thousand." Suitor (who had exPectal nothing): "Delighted. I'm sure; so mriescred of your Oa the day of the wedding, i of • bundle of bank-notes. the "thousand" took the Amps of large box of cigars representing that number. Loud laughter on the pert of the guside. in which the crestfallen bridegroom rehleteniti joined.  Folkestone Corporation have approved of au electric lighting scheme at a oost of 2315,000, 'A Fiammes Suronm:—Eirly an'llenday Morning *Mr. John Henzr, aged 1O a farmer, for many years residing at • Harbár nion timairigton, committed suicide- in a by blowing out his brains. Deoeased hae.biten Lit-nrisrhid shown symptoms of despondency. The recent bad seasons, coupled with other circumstances, it is believed, Induced the sot.  I  ,