Brighouse & Rastrick Gazette. — 1890-12-27 (Brighouse, West Yorkshire, England)

ROSA' S RESOLUTION.  Rosa seems to be in a brown study. She is sitting in the old armchair, by the window which looks out on the garden, with hAr face resting in her hand and a very serious expression in her brown eyes. You need not pay a penny for her thoughts, for a little bird has just been whispering them. Hon) they are:— December is almost over, And dear Christmas has come and gone, The holidays soon will be ended, And Din sitting here feeling forlorn. Mamma would think it quite silly For a child to be saying she's blue; I guess the reason I'm stupid Is because I have nothing to do. Last Sunday I heard the preacher, Say a great deal about the old year, And how folks should try and get ready For the new one that's almost here. I could not half understand him, He was preaching to women and men, I s'pose he never was thinking Of a little girl only just ten. But still I 'm sure that he told ',m, "My dear friends, to be short and brief, Your old accounts you must settle, And turn over a brand-new leaf." Now somehow P re gut a notion, 'Twas not bills and such things that he meant, But just the way they'd been living, And how all the year had been spent. Now, what's the reason, I wonder, That I've thought of those words all the week, They hop and they skip before me As if playing at hide-and-go-seek. , I guess I have not been doing Just the best that I could all the year, And that's the reason the sermon Made me feel so troubled and queer.  I know that I often am selfish; I don't always obey my mamma; And once, I'll never forget it. I just stuck out my tongue to papa. And oh, so often I've fretted. When on errands I had to be sent, Oh, now I wish I'd done nothing But smile all the way as I went. I'll ask dear father and mother, All the faults of last year to forgive; Next year I'm bound to be better; I'll be better—as sure as I lire.  A week after Christmas, when Laurence had ha 4 his full share of presents, and, perhaps,rather more than his share of turkey and pudding: "Nlamma. lam so tired!" "Tired of what P" "Oh I'm tired of the world. It's getting such a very old world, and all the toys are old, and nothing is new or nice, and there isn't nothing left." Little girl on first hearing thunder: "Ain't the people next door having a lot of toals' in P"  Teacher: " What do bees live on?" Boy : "Revenge." "How do you make that out ?'"‘Well, revenge is sweet, ain't it ? Bees live on sweets." A child of two and a half years of age having had her attention drawn to some blacks falling upon her bonnet, exclaimed the next day upon seeing some snow falling: "Look at the trAite3, inammtk; look. at the irhites' "  Teacher: "Can you tell me what a secret is P Little girl: "Ye,s'm. It's son ething somebody WO everybody else in a whisper." Stranger: "There must be fortunes in patent medir; eines. Patent medicine propietor: " I dunno. 'Tain't all profit. Bottles cost money."  Teacher (to class in geography): "If I should dig a hole through the earth where would I come out?" Small boy: "Out of the hole." Patient: "Is not a sudden fright likely to bring on a relapse? Doctor: "Certainly." Patient: "Then please remember that in making out your bill!" Gosling: "I wonder why they put in a hyphen between the names of man and wife in announcing a marriage ?" Old bachelor: "To keep 'em apart."  "I love to sit before a blazing fire and watch the figures in the flame." "Vhell," said Isaacs, " dher bleasure of dot dependts 'archly on dher insurance." Exasperated judge, whose patience had been sorely tried both by the plaintiff and defendant chief regret is that I can't decide against both sides."  Crime must be stopped.—" There are a great many suicides now," remarked Mr. Fangle. "Yes,"replied his wife, "an example ought to be made of some of them."  "Young man,"- said the temperance reformer, solemnly,"avoid whisky and water,it is a pernicious mixture." "I do," replied the young man, " especially the water." Magistrate: "Prisoner, have you any visible means of support?" Prisoner: "Pis, sir, your honor. (To his wife, a laundress): "Bridget, stand up 80 that the coort kin see yez." The more of lawyers there are in a suit, The longer it's bound to last. The more physicians there are in a case. The sooner it's over and past.  "Did you hear the last joke?" "No, and I don't suppose I ever shall." "It goes this way, You ask a fellow why the first thing used in making a shoe is the next to the last." " Well ?" "That's awl." When some celebrated paintings of Adam and Sys were on exhibition, Mr. M.Nab was taken to see them, and was asked his opinion. "I think no grel4. things of the painter," said the great gardener. • "Why, man; Eve's tempting Adam with a pippin of a variety that wasna known until about 20 years ago."  On the Rhine boat . —Tourist : "What is the name of that mountain ? German patriot: "Dot vas do Ilohellenzuffenschwartzkeufelkimmelber "—Touriee: "Excuse me; but I wish also to learn the name of the castle on its summit, and I'm afraid we haven't time for both before we reach our landing." He called for a cigar when he had finished his dinner. It did not please him, so he called for the boiled beef. "What do you want with that ? " asked the waiter. "Well," he replied, "boiled beef and cabbage always go together. I've got the cabbage here (holding up the cigar), and now I want the beef.'  "What is a diamond?" asked a teacher.—" Carbon," replied the class. "Yes, a diamond is pure carbon; but you must remember that coal is alio carbon. That was taught in the last lesson." "Yes'in." "Now, how could you be sure to tell tho difference between the two kinds of carbon?" "Ash tin price," piped up a small boy.  Once between a pavement chink Stuck Kerby's wooden leg, A wag while passing said "I think You cannot stir a peg," Which made poor Kgrby cross, And thus he answered quick— " You are mistaken, stupid ass, For Jean cut my Btick."  Archiepiscopal bon mot.:—Monsignor Donner, Arch. bishop of Bordeaux, was taken to t.tsk for hii friendly intercourse with the Protestant minister bs that city. The very tolerant Prince of the Church rll- "Pray allow me to have the pleasure of se lug him in this world, as I am not so sure of meeting trim in the next."  ME I-