The Central Glamorgan Gazette, and General, Commercial, and Agricultural Advertiser. — 1871-08-25 (Bridgend, Mid Glamorgan, Wales)

ACETI2E.  Can a ship with two owners be called a partnership?  The magic mirror.-1 beautiful face lit up with ,smile..  14 a jolly-boat ever helped along with four roars of laughter P  What causes a cold, cures a cold, and fees the doctor? A draft.  A Knnsas man is in gaol for letting a neighbour's mait. follow him.  What is that which is so brittle that if you name it you are sure to break it? Silence.  A Coquette is said to be a perfect incarnation of Cnpid, because she keeps her bean in a quiver. A young man in Delware has made his debut on the stage in order to defray his expenses while studying for the miniatry.  Mary Cary Faye that if husbands generally hie • wh a their wives thought of them, suicidee would be a more common occurence.  A Western (American) railroad advertises that Poch train carries a coroner and sit jurymen for the convenience, of passengers. "It is v. ry curious," said an old gentleman to bis friend, "that a watch mhonla4be perfectly dry n lien it has a running spring inside." An Americanigeneral, in pitching into a military opponent, exeoaimed, "Why his sword was never Crown bet once, and that was in a raffle.  When a woman commits suicide in New York the retorters perpetrate head lines about A beau if u 1 woman forcing the portals of the unknown  "James," amiced Profeesor Platitude of one of his "is there a word in the Miglitsh language whieh contain all the vowels?" "There is, unneetionably," answered James.  They utilise events in a curious way across the A Ilantic. Here is an advertisement from the other shore:—" Herschel is dead, but Muller lives.Go to him if you need artificial eyes." That doctors can say witty things sometimes is proved by the fact that one of them recently, on being asked to dance the "Lancers," replied that he was better able to lance the dancer.  Somebody boa written a book entitled "What shall my Son be P" Upon which some one rudely comments. If the boy is as bad as the book, the chances are that he will, be hanged." "1 say, Sam, dey tell me dare is a man down east dat is so industrious dat he works twenty-eve hours in a day."—" How is dat, Cuffy P Why, he gets up an hour before daylight, you stupid Digger.' A most excellent old lady up-town (New York) Is much exercised in mind to know how it is that a little quicksilver in a glass tube can make such awful hot weather by just rising in it an inch or two.  One of the leading officials in the Tresimry office at Washington is said to be so ignorant that he wanted a tariff laid on a " cloak of hypocrisy:, on the srippositMn that it was a manufactured article.  " Doctor," said a nephew, on settling the fees question for his tmcWs ad from whose death he entertained great expectations, " I bog, for the future you wtil not interfere in family matters."  An old bachelor mass* gave the followingtosat ; Wotoan--the morning ohm al ininsw, tho day star of manhood, the rrening atom dope. Mom our stars, and may they always be kept at teleran& distances."  A country paper, Taking of the skeet-organ playing of a without arms, wbo worked the crank with ids foot, happily y. Rh! Flatzig as w far above the easel average; be thrs wnu w le sole into it."  A /toward lately wrote to a bookseller in London for some books to fill up his master, library. "In the first place, I want six feet of theoktgy, *come quantity of school metaphysics, and nearly a yard of old civil law, in folio."  Some literary ladies, being asked how they could be sufficiently Interested in astronomy to vend so much time in watching the heavens, replied "that they had a great curiosity toe.. whether there wee really a man in the moon 1" A woman who was not a water drinker, once walking with her husband, remarked, that it either ruled or would rain, for she had. just cut a drop In 1 her eye, "Nay, my dear," replied the husband, i" that you got before you left home." I An old farmer said to his eons:—" Boys, don't lyou ever speculate, or wait for summit to turn up. iYou might just as well go an' sit down on a stone In the middle of a madder, with a pail atirizt your liege, an' wait for a cow to back up to be milked." ColinuinAL Gingslosrn,—" My little angel," asked • fond husband, "are you eranieginijinIn your owner P" Yes, thanks." "You do not feel cold?" "Not at aIL" "Your window olonenninue" "Very nicely dear." Then come and take myplaoe. A Judge in India is reported to have thus addressed a prisoner before him prior to passing sentence " Prisoner at the bar, Provident* has given you a good degree of health and s= 'instead of which you go about the eountry 'ducks.  DANGEROUS I7ss OF THE DiCTIONARY.--The French who have always been too proud to learn English, find the necessity at Lat. A la4y drank who boasts of her progress, last week declined to partake of an old looking dinner party extras, saying to her neighbour I only eat my accpudntanoes. A New York cemetery sculptor, following after other advertisements, publishes this card:—"A. the holidays are approaching, and the time for presents is nearing. I beg to call attention to my stook of tombstones. Persons about to need them would do well to call. Pits warranted in all caw." At the last Dublin Sessions, a young fellow, who was indicted for stealing a fine sucking pig from the stall of a poulterer, alleged in his defence that he had "loots 'quaker onto' the sty about a twelvemonth before, and, be jabers, he thought this was him I" The jury felt for his mistake, and acquitted him.  ' The other day, in Western New York a would-be fashionable lady called at a neighbour's at what she thought would be supper tithe. " Come in," said the neighbour; "we are having tableaux."— "I'm so glad," said the visitor; thought I smelt 'em, and I like 'em better than anything for supper."  Alt Ann