The Herald of Wales. — 1886-11-13 (Swansea, West Glamorgan, Wales)

CAREFUL LIVERY ST 4BLE MAN.  Last Sunday a man named Oscar Cleveland, • married man, went to Monroe Miller's stable ost Austin-avenue, sod wanted to hire • baggy. Who is going along with you?" "jam going to take my wife's mother out for a ride. She is not well, and I want her to have some fresh air. I wish you would put a spade and • hatchet in the bottom of the buggy. I want to dig up some young cedar trees to plant in the oemetei y." " I don't think I can let you have • buggy." "Why not ? " "Because I don't want to be hauled op ea • witness every time court meets." "I don't understand you.'" . . . .  " Maybe you don't, bllt I understand you. When a man wants. to take hie mother-in-law out for a ride for her health, sod wants o opode and a hatchet, tuld talks shout planting things in the contetary, that's all I want to know." _  "But, my dear sir— "lt may be all right, but I don't propose to take any risks. When your trial comes off you will swear there is • prejudice against you in Austin, snd get a change of venue to tome county away off, and I'll have to go there as • witness every time the ores is continued, or be fined 40do1. You go toe drug store and get some 'Rough on Rats,' sad it will be • case of suicide or accident, but lam not going to be mined up in it by supplying you with spades cod hatchets. Why don't you ask me to put a coffin in the buggy besides No, sir, I am not that kind of a livery stable man. I'm not in that line of Mud. ness.'—rmas Siftings.  " Hanley, the fireman, is monied, I understand ?" "Yee; to an old flame." " The next thing he'll do will be to put her out, I suppose."  "I'm ruined entoirely !" exclaimed an Irishman, when his but was burning, "but, fain as lam • oowld night, I might se well warm meself " "Look here, Judge," said the burglar, "I ain't so bade, you think I am. Only give me time, and I'll reform." And the judge gave him fifteen years. Fogg: " This paper says that potatoes should be washed helots they are boiled for begs." Lady (abstractedly): " Yen' &peep wash them before I put them on to boil." "MI dear what makes the train go?" asked WSwilliesn of his spouse. "Th. engine, of course," reOled Mrs. M'S. " Mistaken," said her husband. " What is it,then, I'd like to know ?" "The freight, my dear, makes the cargo." _ _ .  Laat week a profession-al man addressed an artisan, who was waiting in the hall, in the following brusque manner "Hello, there, you fellow, do you want me 'No, air," was the prompt reply; "I'm wasting for • gentleman "  - Lady of the House: "Ah, 000 k, you are reading. 'thought you were hard at work." Cook: "Yes mum. I'm readings novel." L. H. "Will you tall me who wrote it?" Cook "Wrote it? It aiu't written at all, mum; it's printed." .  "Would you 'like this bound in Turkey 1.• aaked • boolmeller of his rural customer for " Scratcher's University History of the World." "Oh. no," woe the reply; "no use sending on it clear out there bind it in Warwick."  "Father, did Cases, who helped to kill Julius Caesar, own • great many houses "No, my dear, not that I know of. What makes you think so? " "Because, father, I am reading here where it says 'See what • rent the envious Caeca made 1 ' "I will give you my head," exclaimed • person to Montesquieu, "ii every word of the story I have related be not true." "I accept your offer," said the psesident. "Presents of small value strengthen the bonds of friendship, and should never be refused."  "Ugh," gruntede toper, when the barkeeper refumed to give him whisky and handed biro water instead. "Ugh. ain't much difference 'tween water an' your whisky, any way." 'Of course not," replied the bar-keeper; " Or Ty:fifteen cents, that's all." Charitable person, to ragged and shivering tramp during a epell of cold weather: "Well, my man,l object to giving money: but, if you come borne with me, I will give you an overcoat that will last you through the winter." Tramp "Overcoat is it, sure? And it's for ruining my business yer after?"  Fogg "Is that clock right, Fenderson?" Fender. son Yee, sir; right to a second. I sat it by my watch, not ten minutes ago." Fogg: " Yes ; but ix your watch right?" Fenderson : "Oh, you can depend on that. I always regulate it by my clock." If there was any doubt before that Fenderson a logical mind, it mart be now for ever dupe led. . _ _ .  "I went to see the plan of Mn. Bartholomew Jooes's house the other day," ssid Brown to his friend Smith. 'She was very enthusiastic about her new improvements and so on and told me the gem of the whole house would be a beautiful spinal staircase. Ha, ha, ha!" "Well, I don't see anything remarkably funny about that," replied Smith. 'She probably meant the back-stare." • • - •- • •  Apropos of those offensive people met with at every concert and opera, who with sublime imprudence annoy the rest of the audienoe by talking, whistling, humming, kicking, and thumping the backs of the seats—out of time to the music—and whose behaviour is rapidly becoming an unbearable nuisance, Mr. Crowest tells • capital story. One of them had been persistently annoying an opera. audience by humming loudly. At last hi. neighbour cried out, ' What a fool!" "Are you referring to our' said the troubles, me man. "Oh no, sir," quietly observed the other; "I mean Mario, who prevents me from hearing you." "Ha! ha! ha!' laughed • Detroiter u he met a lawyer at the post office yesterday; "but a very funny thing occurred in connection with my trip to Chimeo last week." " "Stopped at one of the big betels, you know, and the night I came away I forgot to pay my bill. Yes, sir; walked right off without saying • word, and never thought of the matter again until half-way hems." "I sea" " Wondur what they'll think" "Why," replied the lawyer, as he drew a letter from his pocket, "they have already forwarded me a request to stis and oellect. The bill is tklol. 7150., and my has are ldol. 26a Plaits call at, Us. Ofike at seat and mama arcraara..