The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle. — 1879-01-11 (Stourbridge, West Midlands, England)

CUTTINGS FROM AMERICAN PAPERS.  " Menny a man," remarks Josh Billings, "has reached the summit ov fame, and then lookt down into the humble valley he cum from, and longed to be back again."  The proprietor of a building site in Wisconsin advertises his land for sale in this wise :—" The town of Poggis and surrounding country is the most beautiful which nature ever made. The scenery is celestial—divine; also two waggons to sell, and a yoke of steers." _  The inhatitants of Madagascar are dying to get hold of an American ship captain who has sold them ten thousand quart calls of tomatoes as a new kind of gunpowuer.  Joeh Billings in his last oozing out of philosophy says, "One ov the lazyest things a man kan dew is to eat soup with a fork. One ov the longest things a man kan do is to long for perfekt happiness Anger alwus hurts us more than it does the other phellow wich we git mad at. When a man ain't good for ennything else he is just right to sett on a jury. And this is what I may shortly come to..  - A woman in Baltimore committed suicide the other day, leaving a letter to her husband, asking him to let her be buried in her blue suit.  The Chicago News advises fts readers, when speaking through the telephone, at a public exhibition of the instrument, to commence by laughing and saying how-de-doo— it's funny, and proves that you are perfectly familiar with the Instrument; smile all the time you are talking; it makes it more pleasant for the spectators. Don't forget to mention, after you get through with the instrument, that it is a wonderful invention. It will look as if you had a share in the transaction of invention.  A young man who recently sent a manuscript play to a theatrical manager had- it returned to him with the remark that if he would only work it over so as to make the heroine rob the bank instead of defend it, and afterwards climb up a cataract on a slack rope, with a safe on her back, while the detectives paused frightened on the brink, It might do.  A party of gentlemen sought to make a display of their wealth. The first lighted his cigar with a ten-dollar greenback. The second "went him ten better." and consumed a twenty-dollar note in the same way The third not to be outdone sacrificed a cool fifty. Then the fourth and last declared he'd beat the crowd, took a blank cheque from his pocket. filled it out for a round thousind, signed it, and then lighted his pipe eith it. The other tree "caved" bat once at his reokliss extravagance!  The young man was evidently honest in his intentions, but three years of constant courting had failed to overcome his excessive bashfulness. They were sitting in chairs at a respectable distance apart. Said the young man, having spent live minutes in search of a subject; "How do you get along with your cooking ?" " Nicely ; I'm improving wonderfully. I can make splendid cake now." "Can you?" said the young man in a pleaied manner. "What. kind do you liice best ? " "I like one made with flour, and sugar, and citron, and rasins, and, currants, and lots of those things, and beautiful frosting on top," responded miss. "Why, that's a wedding-cake," exclaimed the young man nervously. "I meant wedding," said miss shyly. They are published