Bridgend & Neath Chronicle, and County of Glamorgan Advertiser. — 1892-01-08 (Bridgend, Mid Glamorgan, Wales)

IMPOSSIBILITY.—" Pa," said a lad to his father, "I often read of people poor but honest ; why don't they sometimes say rich but honest ?" "Tut, my son," said his father. "nobody would believe them." CHILLING Description: When the cold wind blows take care of your nose, that it don't get froze, and wrap up your toes in warm woollen hose. The above we suppose, was written in prose, by some one who knows the effect of cold snows. ()Nes Own Exertions-1 speculator once said, " Five years ago I was not worth a penny in the world ; now see where I am through my own exertions !" "Well, wht re are you ?" "Why, a thousand pounds in debt." Do you suppose the world is so satisfactory that those who are in it never wish for a while to leave it? —Thackeray. A RESIDENT in a north-country town having committed suicide by hanging, an inquest was held upon the body. As one of the jurors was returning home, he was stopped by a female neighbour, who asked, "What did the vardic' say aboot that man?" " They browt it in ,felo-de-se," replied the juror. " Dis thoo boor that, .3lag ?" exclaimed the inquirer, shouting across the street to a neighbour ; "them idiots, the jury, says the aad chep that hung hissel' on the bedpost fell i' the sea !" AFTER the clergyman had united a happy pair, not long ago, an awful silence ensued, which was broken by the impatient youth exclaiming, "Don't be so unspeakably happy. "How much for the broad-faced chicken on the fence ?" inquired an Irishman of a farmer, the other day. "That's not a chicken—it's an owl ;" replied the farmer. "I don't care how ould he is—l would like to buy him," said the Irishman. A BARRISTER, not very young or handsome, examining a young lady witness in court., determined to perplex her, and said, "Miss, upon my word, you are very pretty !" The young lady very promptly replied, "I would return the compliment, sir, if I were not on oath." AN old Highlander, rather fond of his toddy, was ordered by his physician, during a temporary illness, not to exceed one ounce of spirits daily. The old gentleman was dubious about the amount, and" asked his son, a schoolboy, how much an ounce was. "Sixteen drams! What an excellent doctor !" exclaimed the Highlander. "Run and tell Donald McTavish and Big John to come doon the nicht." Miss FROSTIQUE (yawning) "Do you like cream in your coffee, Mr. Staylate ?" Mr. Staylate "Yes; but why such a question ?" Miss Frostique : "Oh, it's of no consequence; only we have to tell the milkman when we want it." Tun latest device of girlhood is a fancy for stuffing pillows with their old love letters. There is one thing about the contents of these pillows that can be depended upon with a marked degree of certainty— they are sure to be soft. LAST year our friend P. was attacked with the cholera, and his friends and physicians gave him up as a lost case. As he lay there apparently upon his death-bed, the doctor asked him if the medicine he had taken in any manner affected his teeth. "I don't know,* faintly whispered P.; "but you can see; they are in the top drawer of the bureau. Mrs. P. will hand them tc you." "Ann you as fond of our sex as ever ?" said Napoleon to the Duchess of Fleury, abruptly and sternly, at a Turneries fête. "Yes, sire, whkn they are polite! " The conqueror bit his silenced lips, and passed on. As cool a person, under the circumstances, as was ever heard of was a young nobleman, who, in a frightful railway accident, missed his valet. One of the guards came up to him and said, "My lord, we have found your servant, but he is cut in two." " Aw, is he ?" said the young man, with a Dundreary drawl, but still with some anxiety depicted on his countenance, "will you be good enough to see in which half he has got the key of my carpet-bag r To a sensitive mind, his anxiety seems to have been misplaced. THERE is only one real failure in life possible, and that is not to be true to the best that one knows.— Canon Farrar. THE other day a merry-faced and bright-eyed Milesian was arraigned for disorderly conduct. the judge inquired very angrily, "Are you not ashamed to be here ?" "Indeed I am, your honour." "You were in very disreputable company." "I know it, yer honour." "It is shameful." "Too true," was the penitent rejoinder. "If I permit you to go this time, will you ever be caught in such company again ?" "Not unless yer honour sends forme,"' waa