Bridlington and Quay Gazette. — 1890-02-01 (Bridlington, Humberside, England)

SEASON, 1889-90.  ODDS AND ENDS. A well-known litteratenr and humourist modestly says that his chief literary acquirementa are the books he has borrowed and never returned. A candidate, addressing _hie constituents, was asked by no obstructionist " What gave you that red face of yours 'r" "Blushing a t your impudence," retorted the candidate coolly. " What do you think of women for doctors?" asked a lady of her family physician. "They. are invaluable, madam," replied the doctor "we dories at least twothirds of our income from them." A gentleman committed suicide the other day, and left a paper stating that he did so because hie wife was a great deal too good for him. The jury thought this conclusive evidence that the deceased was en an unsound state of mind. When Kean was playing 1.4011i8 XI. at the Theatre Royal, Edinburgh, a rather laughable thing occurred. When the attendants announced " The King to dead?" a pions Irishman in the stalls exclaimed, "And may thqLord have mercy on his guilty sowl " A wag the other day denied that John Bunyan was the author of the "Pilgrimes Progress." Being vehemently contradicted, "Nay," said he, "I question even if he contributed to the work; for it is impoeitible that a bunion could contribute to may The English war correspondente in E_oupt are decorated with the "Order of Medjidieh." Medjidieh is an Arabic word, which by interpretation cc, "the tall bronze-fronted liar of all liars." The order was ! not founded until after the British sailor made a pun on "Horrible Paeha." Dr. Johnson eras observed, by a musical friend of hie ! to be very inattentive at a concert, while a celebrated solo-player Wag giving an extraordinary performance open his violin. His friend, to induce him to take greater notice of what was going on, told him how extremely difficult it war, "-Difficult, do you call it, sir ?" replied the doctor; "I wish it were imposaible." A little girl ate her dinner with so good an appetite, that by the time dessert was placed on the table she could eat no more. She sat silent and eorrowful, and looked mournfully at the dainties which lay piled on her plate. "Why don't you eat, my darling F" asked her fond and anxious mother. "Oh, mamma! " cried the discousohite infant, "because only my eyes are hungury." A worthy person, who was habitually guilty of liberties with the Queen's English, was returned no member for a colonial parliament. Delighted with theimportame of his new position, he rose on the very firet occasion to make a maiden speech. "Gentlemen,' he said, by way of introduction, "what have we before the 'Close to-night ?" " I think we have "h" before the 'case, gentlemen," woe the prompt reply of a witty member of the Opposition. VALUABLE DISCOVERY YOE TEE lout aair is turning grey or white, or falling off, use MEXICAN H A IR RENEWER," for It win positively reetare in every case Grey or White hair to its original odour, without leaving the disagreeable smell of moat "Itestoren." It maim the hair charmingly beautiful, se well es promoting the growth of the hair on bald mote, where the gland. are not decayed. Pries es. Bd. —For an Oil to make the Hair soft, 'does', and lmsheet, ask for "