Brighouse & Rastrick Gazette. — 1890-09-27 (Brighouse, West Yorkshire, England)

AND" MRS."  Here is an explanation of the origin of the titles " Mr." and" Mrs."  In earlier times the ordinary man was simply William or John; that is to say, he had merely_ a Christian name without any kind of " handle before it, or surname after it. Some means of distinguishing one John or one William from another John or another William became necessary. Nicknames derived from a man's trade or his dwelling-place, or from Bowie personal peculiarity, were tacked on to their Christian names, and plain John became John Smith.  As yet there were no "misters" in the land. Some John Smiths accumulated more wealth than the bulk of his fellows—became, perhaps, a landed proprietor, or an employer of hired labour. Then he began to be called in the Norman-French of the day the "Maistre " of this place or of that, of these workmen or of those.  In time the "Maistre" or "Meister," as it soon became, got tacked on before his name, and he became Meister Smith and his wife was Maistress Smith. But gradually the sense of possession was lost sight of, and the title was conferred upon any man who had attained social distinction of any kind, by mere possession of wealth or by holding some position of more or less consideration and importance.  It . only within cornnarativelv modern times  tnac cne term came to ue consiaerea an almost In. dispensable adjunct to every one's name, when mentioned in ordinary conversation or writing. Maistress Smith soon became Mistress Smith. Exactly how and when the term got corrupted cannot be said. Meister Smith, however, remained Meister Smith long after his wife became Mistress Smith.  H 20 grains make a scruple, what will make a, doubt?  The man who-goes to the seaside for change often comes back without any. "I'm losing flesh," as the butcher said when he saw a man robbing his cart.  " The path of duty," said a much-tried traveller, "is undoubtedly through the Custom-house." It takes a girl about four hours longer to wash the front windows of a house than the back windows.  " Fine night," said Sinithers, glancing at the heavens. "No," replied the Boston girl, "you mean infinite."  Beauties often die old maids. They set such 6 value on themselves that they don't find a purchaser till the market is closed.  Lady of the house (to tramp): "Poor man, you must have had many trials." Tramp (proudly): "Yes, mum, but no convictions."  Some say that a man who would "beat an egg would be so cruel as to "whip cream," -thrash wheat," or even "lick a postage-stamp." • "The best thing I ever read ! " exclaimed a book reviewer as he perused his uncle's will and found that the sensible lamented had left him a snug bequest.  _ A girl who-married recently says that her husband would soon be a wealthy man if he would only work as hard now as he did when he was making love to her.  "You are-always-prying into other people's business," said the policeman to the burglar, who was endeavouring to open a jeweller's shop with a jemmy.  A celebrated physician boasting at dinner that he wired his own hams, one of his guests observed, "Doctor, I would a great deal sooner be your ham than your patient."  "I should have been named Reflection," groaned a battered tramp, as he tightened the belt round his hollow waist. "I find there is more food for reflection in this life than for anything else." Nothing so helps a paper as the imparting of useful information. "How shall I kee,p the flies out of the sugar bowl ?" asks a correspondent. " Fill the sugar bowl with salt," is our prompt reply. He tries our patience, works us woe, Is one of mankind's foes, The man who always starts to go, And never, never goes.  He: "If you go first you will wait for me on than beautiful shore, won't you, dear?" His wife: "I suppose so. I never went anywhere yet without having to wait half an hour for you." What is love?" queried the editor of an Amen. can paper. He has been deluged with answers mostly from the fair sex. One lady says: "Love fs an itching of the heart that we cannot get at to scratch."  Once when a meeting was called together in New York to form a " George Washington Society" of men who never told a lie, the room was found to be crammed with auctioneers ana advertisement canvassers.  The funniest incident that has lately transpired is the case of a doting mother, who, being satisfied that her child merited punishment, insisted on his being previously put under the influence of cblorofomi. Thin boarder: "I don't see how yo s manage to fare so well at this boarding-house. I have industriously courted the landlady and all her daughters, • but I'm half starved." Fat boarder: "I court the cook."  " Let me see," thoughtftitly said a man who was looking at an old well, " the windlass needs repairs, the bucket leaks, the rope is rotten,:and the kerbing is defective; but, considered as a hole, I think it will do."  Both to be avoided.—Amy (to her brother Jack, af sailor): "Would you rather go to the concert or the temperance meeting to-night, Jack ?" Jack: "That's a poor choice for a sailor, isn't it—a squall or a waterspout ?"  Mrs. Lushley: "And there you were, when the policeman found you at three in the morning, hugging a lamp-post. Oh, it's just awful." Mr. Lushley: "My dear, it surely is not possible that you are jealous of a lamp-post." Professor Winters, the French scientist, committed suicide because he could not discover, to his satisfaction, what made the wind blow. Other men have done the same thing who failed to solve the problem of how to raise the wind.  Within a hammock snug they sat, But how the two behaved None could have told, it was so dark, Had it not been for the remark: "Oh. George, you must get shaved." "What is aespair, papar- asked a bright youth who was wrestling with his first spelling book. "Despair?" echoed the father, as his mind reverted back to his boarding-school days, "despair is what a fellow feels when he thinks he has knocked his room-mate down with a pillow, and finds that he has floored the principal who had just sneaked into the room to see what the boys were doing."