The Warwickshire Herald. — 1891-01-15 (Birmingham, West Midlands, England)

ROY SCOTT.. Print E BoNN/E BYES," Pan mare Street,Dandee. A epeeist Prise for the neatest list, riFht or wrong. Free Competflicus for readers of "Bonnie Bite.) WISE AND OTHERWISE:  Noah's arc.—The rainbow.  A lay sermon.—A "curtain lecture." The waiter's favourite flower—Forget-me-not. Festive sea son recipe.—How to make a long story short: Tell it crisply.  Courtship is a bad thing for some i eople. There have been more lives wrecked on that ship than on any other. 'reacher: "Can you tell me what a secret is ?" Little girl: "S'es'm. It's ion ething somebody tells every ts dy else in a whiiper."  Stranger "There nmst be fortunes in patent medic nes." latent medicine prop ietor: " I dunno. 'Tain't all prdit Betties cost money."  Tt ocher (to class in geography): "If I should dig a hole through the earth where would I come out?' Small boy: "Out of the hole." Patient: "Is not a sudden fright likely to bring on a re'apse ? Doctor: "Certainly.' Patient: "Then please remember that ip making out your bill!"  .- - Coaling : wonder why they put in a hyphen between the names of man and wife in announcing a marriage?" Old bachelor: " To keep 'em apart." "I love to sit before a blazing the and watch the figures in the flame." "Vhell,' said Isaacs, " dher hlcasure of dot dependts 'archly on dher insurance." Exasperated judge, whose patience had been sorely tried both by the plaintiff and defendant "My i chief regret s that I can't decide against both sides."  Crime must be stopped.—" There are a great many suicides now," remarked Mr. Fangle. "Yes,"replied his wite. an example ought to be made of some of them."  "V, ung man," said the temperance reformer, solem nl avoid whisky and water, it is a rruicious mixture.""! do," replied the young man, " especially the water." • " •  Mag.' istrate "Prisoner, have yon any visible moans of support ?" Prisoner: "Yin, sir, your honor. (To his wife, a laundress): "Bridget, Stand v that the court kin see yen." The more of lawyers there are in a suit, The longer it's bound to last. The more physicians there are in a case, The sooner it's over and past.  "Did you hear the last joke ?" "No, and I don't suppose I ever shall." "It goes this way, You ask a fellow why the first thing UR,:i in making a sh is the next to the last." " Well e " That's awl."  When seine celebrated paintings ,A Adam awl Eve were on exhibition, alr. i'd'Nab was taken to see thorn, and was asked his opinion. "I think no great things of the ptainter," said the great gardener. "Why, man, Eves teMpting Adam with a pippin of a variety that %cams known until about 20 years ago." On the Rldoe boat.—Tourist: "What is the name of that mountain ?" German patriot, "Dot vas der Hohellenzuffenschwartzkeufelk immelber " Tourist "Excuse me; lout I wish also to learn the name of the castle on its summit, and I'm afraid we haven't time for both before we reach our landing." He called for a cigar when he had finished his dinner. It did not please him, so he called for the boiled beef. "What do you want with that ?"asimd the wait'?. "Well," la, ridied, "boiled beef and cabbage always go to;,,.lt::er. ill° cabbage here tho Vin..: up tie, com: ant nos' I want the beef."  "What is a diamond ?" a...ked a teacher.—" Carbon," replied the class. "se:, a diamond is pure carbon; but you must remember that end also carbon. That was taugid ,in the last ig,t.0,." "Yes'm." "Now, how could you be sure to toll the differonco botween the two kinds of carbon ? " "Ask the price," piped up a small boy. Once between a pavement chink Ftuck Kerby's wooden leg, A wag while passing said "I thin:. You cannot stir a peg," Which made plor Kerby cross, And thus he answered quick— " You are mistaken, stupid ass, For I can cut my stick.'' Archiepiscopal bon mot.—Monsignor Donner. Or,:hoishop of Bordeaux, was taken to task for his friendly intercourse with the Protestant minister in that city. The very tolerant Prince of the Church replied: "Pray allow me to have the pleasure of seemg him in this world,as lam not so sure of mooting him in the neat."  "You mustn't hail a man, When it is foggy, I insist; For melancholy reigns within; When gone he's never mist." Thus spoke R funny editor To a man when travelling, Who feeling somewhat bored replied: " Dew drop this sort o' thing."  Suggested by the season.—He (sentimentally ): "You remind me of a snowy landscape, Miss Aurelia, because you are as cold as you are beautiful." She (practically): "If that is Om fact, Mr. Tymmid, it is because you remind me of a damp cosaque—you don't pop when you are expected to!' (N.B.—That brought him to the point.) Oft has my boyish conscience felt a qualm As &sited in sole cafe, snug and wualm, _.•• • - _  ye joined i. r.bild song and drunken laughter. Regardless of remorse, to follow aughter. Tho' wretched then, the maddest mirth I'd feign; Striving. 'mid revelry, td dull the peign; Rut now all craving appetites I slaughter, And stich to g I Si. WM rid' a drink—cold wauglior! "Charlie, d or. what is a monopoly ?" she ashel, looking up teinlcrly, as she rested submissively in his arms with der dainty head nestled against Ilk coat collar. -Well." replied Charlie, manful 'y silroggling to bring his mind to cope vri!li abstru, sehjc,ts, an I .:till eg alt,iether g,t beyoll.l e.,11CrO, :its. "I sincerely IsTo this is."  A STARTLING Fsor.—Thousands die annually through preventable diees see arising from the inhalation of sewer gases. To avoid illness have the sanitary condition of 3 our residence thorough a xamined ard reported upon and any Meet found remedied under the personaisuperviaion of Woodcock and Riley (authorised plumbers to the Birmingham Crpora tion Water Department). 16, Stealho• se Lane, Birmingham. 11. Woodcock, Ass,c. S-n  N:ls, ready. once r fr. e Viet Aril-1 UNFIT eing it Verb9olll report of _ DR. 11AENA11110.8 Speeches in defence in the Roddy Cam 4edvole4 on Moods). Nov. 9; Tuesday, Nov. 10; Wedoesduy, New. 11,1689, belore Lord Esher, Most., of the Rolls; Lord jogioe Liodt,y and Lord Jugtioe Lone., Judges of tho Cots. t "pool. ff ; et Rs.. lordships' j udgrue; tt, and eo introdoeloo by DR. 13AR-