Widnes Examiner. — 1892-08-06 (Widnes, Cheshire, England)

DICK 0' BOB'S.  Aw've just bin hevin' a good smile, herd up; aw've bin eawtaide to do id, becose there worn'd room i' th' heawee to ged a smile o' sich size off mi chest. Aw've heeard tell o' some eccentric fooak mi time, an' aw've read abeawt a tooathri, but aw've ne'er read o' sich a eccentric chap as one as figered th pepper t'other day ; an' bi eccentric "aw meean same as Ben Brierley mentions abeawt th' chap as were " summat like Owd Calamity wor when they shaved his toppin." Yo' may ha' read abeawt actresses as sleep i' coffins ov a neet, an' yo' may ha' heeard o' fooak doin' as ridiculous things, but here's a Yankee as keeps—wed do yo' think? He keeps gado; wed! Nowt ridiculous in id? Henry th' Eighth dud id? Just sooa, boil, he hed a different wife every time, whereas this mon keeps geddin wed to th' same wife ; an' his own too ! This Mr. and Mrs. Crandall were wed in America i' 1884, an' coom to spend th' funny-moon i' Europe; Crandall—th' happy mon—geet a idea in his heyd as th' Methody preychet as teed 'em up worn'd a qualified practitiGner, sooa he persuaded his bossess to be wed o'er ageean Dablin ; then he fancied tt.' Cathedral worn'd consecrated gradely, an' ageean they went through th' ceremony. Yigh, an' after thad they were wed another hole dozen times, at Presbyterian, Unitarian, Baptist, Spiritualist, an' Swedenborgian places o' wership, sons says Mrs. Crandall, au' hoo's so disgusted wi' her husband, till hoo's prayin' for a divorce. Aw'd give him another chance, iv aw wor hor. Aw'd tek him to be wed bi th' Salvation Army captain, an' ged th' band to play th' weddin' merch, wi' a full muster o' drums ; iv thad dusn'd kill or cure him aw dorn'd know wod will.  Tawkin'abeawt weddina' reminds me o' two other , cases as happened last Setterda'. One on 'em were th' " mobbin" ov a newly-married an' happy pair, as soon as they left cherch. They totalled up to 156 year owd between 'eni,th bride bein' a giddy young thing o' 84. Bein' a dozen year owder nor th' bit o'th' lad, happen th' fooak thowt hoo'd 'ticed id ho' Id dad an' mam ; or, happen thowt " owdet an' madder,' an' acted accoordin'. For ml own pert aw think they were booed) owu enough to be wed ; Perlyment may ha' fixt a minimum age, but id hesn'd done owt i'th' way ova maximum, nod yet. T'ot her case were thad Brussels young woman, as were browt up for threatenin' to suicide hersel', simply becose boo rn' another silly lase bed to do awe iv oather on 'tem ever geet wed. Dud yo' ever hear o' sich tumfc 'ery o' yo'r lives ? An' Lh' nineteenth century, too. Aw've bowt Brussels carpets as torned eawt tapestry, an' aw've bin as puzzled o'er Brussels spreawts as grow i' England, but this Brussels young woman is a corker, an' no mistake ; iv hoo'd ha' shot hereer —an' aw dorn'd think boo wod ha' done—aw suppooase her friend wod ha' bin browt up for morther, or manslowter? Aw heyn'd time to argy th' matter pro an' con, but aw'll mek th' subject a present to eawr judges, an' to Mutual Improvement Societies ; no deawt th' Daily News or Tallygrafil hey a correspondence sterttd on id. Ov coourse aw blame th' general lection for o' these cases o' temporary insanity—just as aw blame Id for th'G.O.NL's cowd ; an' there's one instance aw heyn'd mentioned, but aw will. Yo' see it's this way. Jeffrey Fairhurst were comin' eawt o'th' Huntsman's Arms, at Haydock, on th' twentyseckond °last month, when a collier o'th' name o' Pat Donoghue axt him wor be a Gladstooan mon ? Jeffrey sterted explainin' wod he wor, when Pat grabbed his watch an' off wi' id; " Six months herd" were additidnal time thrown in bi Denman last Monde' at Liverpool. Aw thowt th' Judge wod ha' t'en into consideration th' aggravation Pat hid. Aw've stood listenin' to chaps as tried to explain wod they wor, an' aw know heaw a motes senses leeave him at sicn a time,an' as he's nod ref,p)nsible for his actions. Fancy yo'rsel's hearkenin somebody tell yo' he were a Gladstoonian, but he wor'd i' favour o' Hooam Rule ; yigh, an' doin' his level best to prove id. lirod'nd yo' be justified i' leatherin' him, or steylin' owt he hed—eksept his pollaticks ?  ANI see th' Committee are sparin' no pains to mek thad Dental Exhibition i' Manchester next week a big success. They seldom do spare ony "pains," an' noncommitteemen back 'em up weel ; aw know thad fro' experience. They're beawn to hey peppers read on th' subject o' tooth drawin', an' t pepper 'll be illustrated wi' drawin's ; &ma there 'll be some gain, by gum Aw daresay they'll ax some fooak th' audience to step up an' be operated on, an' a tooathri may oblige 'em, but aw wod less aw'd sets top an' bottom. •  Dear o' me! Aw meant to tell yo' abeawt Perlyment meetin' on th' 4th„an' gooan an' cleyn fergetten ! Well, id 'll happen keep till next week.