The Stockton Examiner, and South Durham and North Yorkshire Herald. — 1879-01-25 (Stockton-on-Tees, Cleveland, England)

WIT AND HUMOUR.  A MAN should ho ..ivateful for a full grate. CHAMPION of Ot Weights. —The coal dealer. A \Vx -oro 1. h biK umbrella in a crowd. AN ex-detective is about to issue a volume of hisketches.  TI PLO w Dhy,ic to the dog; ile none of it. And it -was castor way.  WHAT a iii,kery to tell a man whose overcoat i. p 21%, tO I- 1.1) COOl.  thing to do when you go shopping with ladift.  —Take no  Wil a of vain is double its value by deduetinp its half ?-11a1f-a-erowa.  IF criminals are to be believed, none of them eve, had an honest conviction.  WHY not call a smart toy, a clever man? We can a smart man a clever dok,you know.  Jumus, did you ever see the (.4, -ka Mountairui "So, Samho; but I've been the cans kill mi..'  THERE IS one striking resemblance between fanners and their peahry. Bath delight in C. 0.! crops.  Wnie the Sultan loses his temper, the ladies et the household speak of him as a harem-scar'em fellow.  A OttItESPONDENT asks which tree ha 9 the strongint bark. The hoarse chestnut, we should suppose.  WHEN a woman comes to the door and calls Ilera RE-E' you may know that she is not in a capital huti,ur. Mr. Jeno JONES s..ys he wishes he could hear of some pia .'e where people never the, he would go and his 4:ays there.  • Dieerni :rao a weak Notation of areomplishiuonto ' is the term ow applied to girls professing to be • se highly e.tu,atell:  A Longue w•vvr rums down ; but it is often iil-netured mi voluble enough to run down Almost ever. tlunLs  ileuntAN Jtotitete, ou being told that punning wag the lowest tur:u of wt, replied that it was thertlem the foundat,oo of all wit.  AN iriAnuan e.,inolained to his physician that ho -tulle.' hi,o much with drugs that he was sick a long time si or he got well.  ONE of toe chief objections to miring where one !OEM not lo 4, is that persons than situated are apt o love where they don't marry. A SERSEKIIIEM wants to know bow to prevent grinkles ' 'Het only lure rottenly is to oommit suicide tame you are thirty years old.  THE Post Oai,e authorities have rulmi that a lusband ha, no emu ro! over the wrre.pondonce of its wife. Lot her vorrespondenoe alone. thice they start°, a fmnale seminary in Utah. It flourished well ; hut, just in the height of ita property, the principal eloped with the whole school.  Nos. wretch has the audacity to remark that the adios d. .heir heads with dowers in memory of the Zell who have been kille.l he milliners' bills. .kJUAN was recently offered five pounds if rho would reliorn silent for too hours. At the end of Moen me.utes she asked, isn't the time nearly r  A REPORTEO of a Californian free fight say,— ' Colonel -- was shot once in the left side, once in the right shoulder, and one in the drinking-saloon idjawnt.  IOU,(; lady we know isoo d. irate and ethenal creature, that on losiin, a hair-) in from her baud, the OW, day, she caught a bid rold that hung on for a vorok.  A CYNICAL man insists that the fewer relatione or friends we I.a, the happier we are. In your poverty they never nolp you, in your posperity they alwaye help tie ni,elve,  • FATHER (lA, s,oepy boy) 'Come James, you ought to be up with the lark oa mob a beautiful morning.' natter-of-fact boy: 'That's all right; how'm 1 goin' to cm up there?' AN old maid had a cat and a canary. The cat died. lihe had lino tilted and placed in the cage of the canary, oul in, • I have pin the dear creature where , he always desired to be.'  A llENl'...hi.ll husband s .id, in extenuation of his wife's raids upon his sealp, 'You see, she takes her own hair oil no i•saily, she doesn't know how it hurts , to have mine pulled iiut."  • WHAT a sour temper that labouring man who works for you has,' said one was to another. ' Yea,' was the recly : • but, if his temper is sour, the rest of the labouring mao is sweet.'  !Row i it. miss, you gave your age to the ceraustaker as ooy t wenty-tive, wheTi you were born the some year , and lam thirty-nine!" 'Ah ! you have lived touch faster than I, sir.'  A cAYTAIN of a vessel loading coals went into• counting-house, and reque-ted the loan of a rake, The merchaut, looking towards his clerks, said, 'l. have a number of them here, but none of them would wish to be hauled over the coals.'  A PARTY of yount fellows found fault with the butter on the boarding- houw table. • What is the 'natter with it asked the mistress.---' Just you ask it,' said one; 'it is old enough to speak for itself.'  -------Miss Battu...7.m : Oh, dear, I am as eleepy.' Mr. Stupid • Vt'hy, I don't see what makes you so sleepy : I am not.'—Miss Brilliant (archly) : ' Perhape--perhape you are in better company than I  II 1 KrOltY VOA Wivrs.—The sex does not know that the fact that George Washin'tton's wife never asked where he had 13,0 n %lion he came home late at night gees a great way to account for kin extreme truthlessness.  ' Sax,' said one little urchin to another— Sam, does your schoolmaster ever give you any rewartie of merit I s pose he does,' was the reply: gives me a fickle' regular every day, and says merit two.  'l'm. take another yard of that binding, if y,:u please,' said the woman.— Beg, pardon,' said th, young man, but I understood you five yards:That's right,' replied the customer,' but smog:, yard will make it more binding.'  WHER7I ER I go,' said a gentleman, remarlia.Li for his pride, lam sure to find simsible men from say own country.' —No wonder, ' said the gent man whom Ite was addressing ; for any man of yonr country who has any sense leaves it as bOOn he ran:  A rOLICEIVIN, who hedl offered his hand to a y, wom,an and been refused, arrested her and teak , to the station-house. What is the charge this woman asked the Inspector—' Resisting 4, tier, sir,' was the reply. She was discharged, d so was the officer.  '