The Dorset County Express and Agricultural Gazette. — 1870-02-01 (Dorchester, Dorset, England)

NOVEL CURE 01, GOUT.—Tho following cure for the gout is taken from an old work :—fitat, the person must pick • handkerchief from the pocket of a maid of fifty years who never had • wish to change her condition. Second; he must wash it in an honest miller's pond. Third; Ito must dry it on the hedge of a parson who WU never covetous. Fourth; he must send it to a doctor who never killed a patient. Fifth ;he must 1111111 it with the ink of a 'ewer who never chesual a client. Sixth ; apply it to the part affected, and a cure will speedily follow. The folk/I%IIIV obituary notice recently appeared in a Spanish journal :—" This morning the jeweller Siebald lilmago was summoned away from his shop to another and a better world. The undersigned, his widow, will weep upon his tomb, as will also his two daughters, Hilda and Emma, the former of whom is married, and the latter open to all over. The funeral will take place to-morrow. His disconsolate widow, Veronique Illmaga, P.S. This bereavement will not interrupt our business, which will be carried on as usual, oily our place of business will be removed from No. 8, Tessi do Teinturisrs, to No. 4, Rue de Missionaire, as our grasping landlord has raised our rent."  A farmer in a remote district of the Yorkshire wolds met • country rector who had been two years absent on travel. "Mr. Rector," said the farmer, "you've been to the Holy Land, I hear."—" I have, John, and got safe back, as you see."—" Well," said John, "1 often thon't I'd like to hear about that spot. It's a fine country, I lay."—" Well," said the rector, "I saw Lebanon, and Jerusalem, and the Twelve Palm Trees, and the wells of water in the Great Desert ; and we went across the Jordan, and went up Mount —."—" Excuse me interruptin" you Mr. Roetor, coo," said the farmer; "but, if it be a fair •,ion, boo was turmet (turnips) looking out yam. der r  A man in the dress of a workman was lately walking in tho streets of Berlin with • peckot in his hand, sealed and inscribed with an address, and a note that it contained ono hundred thalers in treasury bills. As the bearer appeared to be at a loss, he was accosted by a passenger, who asked him what be was looking for. The simple countryman placed the packet in the inquirer's hands, and requested that he would read the address. The reply was made as with an agreeable surprise. "Why, this letter is for me ! I have been expecting it for • long while!" The muisenger upon this deneurded tell thalers for the carriage of the packet, which was readily paid, with a liberal addition to the porter. The now possessor et the packet hastened to an obscure corner to examine his prize ; but, on breaking the seal, found nothing but a few sheets of paper, on which was written, "Dona l" tiolpermneo 'Pn BE THANKFUL EoB.—On one occasion Mr. Charles Dickens was upholding the theory that whatever trials or difficulties might stand in a man's path there is always something to be thankful fur. " Let me, in proof thereof," said Dickens, " relate a story. Two men were to hang st Newest° for murder. The morning arrived; the hour approached ; the WI of tit. Sepulchre's began to toll; the convicts wore pinioned; the procession was formed; it ad.. sauced to the fatal beam; the ropes were adjusted around the poor man's neck; there were thousands of motley sight-seers of both sexes, of all ages, men, women, and children, in front of the scaffold; when, Just at that second of time, a bull which was being driven to Surill.field, broke its rope, and charged the mob right and left, scattering people everyw here with its horns. Whereupou one of the etrielemned Illea turned to his cquAlly entwine/Ide convene:ln, and quietly olurerver I 'I say, Jack, it's a good thing we ain't in that crowd:"  "fossil:W.—Buttons :•• ),sy, voosy, •oot nor.; you're wantml.”—Oooky , " %trust mean, Imp ran. Why, there's about s .losou plain cooks wan:ed, and there's quite enough o' you to cut up nicely; and you're plain enough for the whole bdiu. ' (It nod nut be stated theta" basting" followod.)  •