Widnes Examiner. — 1905-01-14 (Widnes, Cheshire, England)

WASN'T SO POOR. —A coaching party was sing through a bleak stretch of country on the war to a famous pleasure resort. The coach halted et a watering-trough opposite a dilapidated old house, and the tourists indulged freely in comments on the dreariness of the spot. "I pity the people who live here !" said one young woman, in a tone unwisely clear. "They must be as w r as poverty. Look at that pasture full of . aders and that discouraged meadow !" "Well, now, ma'am," came a voice from the doorway, in which suddenly appeared a lank man in corduroys and a bright red shirt. "I'm not so poor as you think. I don't own this land. I'm only tenant! Dye see?" " This," said the artist, "is a battle scene— time, say, the year 2000 A. 1). The defending foroe is on the extreme right of the canvas—" "I can't see them," observed the friend. " Certainly not; they are strongly entrenched " "Can't see any entrenchments." "Of course you can't. The entrenchments are skilfully concealed from view." "I should think you'd show some big guns or something." " Nonsense ! The guns are disappearing guns, and they have disappeared." Well, how about the attacking force?" "Oyer here on the left—all under cover. You can't expect them to expose themselves to the spectator any more than to the enemy." "Well, your picture is a mere landscape." " Yes ; but I take it that's how a battle will look in the year 2000 _  -" HENRY ! Wake up 1" Witherby: "Eh ? What's matter ? " Mrs. Witherby : " There's some one downstairs." Witherby (turning over): "Go sleep." Mrs. Witherby: Wake up! Some one is downstairs ! Hear that noise ? " Witilerby ! " Mc.. Witherbo  !.7"  ''sh I Listen ! Tffere -Mar tTiarr" wmrietuy : " Wind." Mrs. Witherby : "The wind, is it? 'Sli ! Is thait the wind ? " Witherby (rising up— also his hair) : "That does sound like something." (Jumps out of bed and runs to the door). Mrs. Witherby (wildly after him) : "Come back, you rash fellow. You might get murdered ? " Witherby (locking door) : " I was only going to lock it. Well, they can't get in here. (His courage rising). Don't believe it's any one." Mrs. Witherby : "It is ! It is ! Just hear them moving about! Oh, why don't you"— Witherby (his teeth begin to chatter as the noises continue) : "Well, what ?" Mr. Witherby: " Oh, something I My best silvers You stand there like a stick"— Witherby (tiptoeing to bureau and drawing forth a rusty old revolver) : "I'll go after 'ern !" (Waving it in the air.) Mrs. Witherby: "Oh, no, you mustn't ! You can't tell what they might do." Witherby (his courage returning) : "Yes, I will." (Moves towards door.) Mrs. Witherby : "You shan't I (Throws herself before him.) Think of the risk I' Witherby: " Nonsense ! Come, let me open that door !" Mrs. Witherby: "Never Witherby : " Woman, do not stand in my way." Mrs. Witherby (reluctantly) : "Well, if von must. But don't go downstairs. Just " Witherby (paling at the thought) : Perhaps you are right, after all. I tell you what. You open the door a *rifle, and I'll stand here ready to fire." (Moves behind the bed.) Mrs. Witherby: "All right." (Turns key and slowly opens the 'door to a crack. A moment of awful suspense). Whitherby (putting his head out from behind the bed) : "I can't see a thing." Mrs. Witherby (gathering courage and peering into the hall): "Who's below there ? " Voice from Below: "Me, ma'am. Oi'na jist home from a party." Witherby (crawling into bed) : "You're a nice one to wake me up in the middle of the night like this ! Why, I might have killed that girl if I had gone down stairs!'  Nonsense 111111111111111  Imainatian