The Daily Times. — 1860-05-22 (Liverpool, Merseyside, England)

CHOICE CLIPPINGS FROM OUR SCRAP  BOOK.  THE HAPPIEST DAY QF M WE.  The ancients certainly made a great mistake in not choosing Niobe for the goddess of marriage. Hymen is by far too jolly : he is all smiles; while Niobe i just a; she ought to be,—all tears. There never yet was a marriage that was not a perfect St. Swithin atlair. No one, unless lie has a soul o gutta percha, thoroughly waterproof, should think o going to a wedding with less than two pocket handkerchiefs, and even then, a sponge is better adapted to the "joyful occasion." Men take wives as they do pills, with plenty of water,—excepting, indeed, when the " little thin Fs" are well gilt. If a kind of matrimonial barometer were kept in each family, and its daily indications as to the state of the weather accurately registered, we have no doubt that, on an average being taken, the following results would be virrli-cd at . 4efofe marriage , . Fair. During marriage . . . Wet. After marriage . . . Stormy. Meteorologically speaking, it would be highly interesting could we arrive at a knowledge of the exact amount of " doo" prevailing during courtship. No one can feel more truly wretched lima on the happiest day cf bis life, .4. vfegtr,g s fyfii pore inelai4.ol): than flineral. The bride "weeps for everything and nothing. A`t first she's heart:brOken because she's going to leave pa and ma; then, because she hopes Charles will always ove her ; and, when no other excuse is left, she bursts into tears because she's afraid he will not bring the ring with him. Mama, too, is determined to cry for the least thing. der dce.r girl is going away, and she is sure something dreadful is going to happen : and, goodness gracious ! she's forgotten to lock the diningrooni door, with all the wine and plate on the table, and three strange green-grocers in the house. A chllrch, the water is laid en at eye-service • indeed, the whole party tool; so `retched no one would imagine there was a ‘f happy pair" among them. When papa gives away his darling child, he does it with as many sobs as if he were handing her over to the fiercest polygamist since Henry the Eighth—instead of bestowing her upon one who loves his "lamb," regardless of the "mint" sauce that accompanies her. The bridegroom snivels, either because crying's catching, or because he thinks he ought, for decency's sake, to apPeir deeply mOveci ; half-doz,en "bridesmaids ate sure to be all weeping because everybody else weeps. When the party return home, however, the thoughts of the breakfast cheer them up a little ; and the bridesmaids in particular feel quite resigned to their fate. As if they had grown hungry by crying—or the tears had whetted their appetites—they drown their cares for a while in the white soup tureen. The champagne gces off, and goes round. 7‘-.` .* 7 Then the father gets up, and, after a short and pathetic euloginrn upon the virtues of that "sweet girl," whom he ,‘ loves as his own flesh and blood," thumps the table, and tens the company that " any one who would not treat her properly would be a sco:fncirel." Upon this, every one present turns round to look and frown at the wretched villain of a bridegroom, and then they all fall to weeping again. But so thoroughly has the feeling set in against the new son-in-law, that it is only by a speech of the deepest pathos that he can persuade the company that he 114 not the least thought of murdering, or, indeeds, eTen assaulting his wife. At last, the mother bride, and bridesmaids retire to say—, Good bye,' end haye a good cry altogether up stairs, Then the blessing and the weeping begin again with renewed vigiour. As at Vauxhall, they seem to keep the grandest shower till the last. The bridesmaids cry till their noses are quite red, and their hair is as straight as if they had been bathing. And when the time comes for the happy pair to leave, in order to catch the train for Dover, then the mother, father, sisters, brothers, bride, bridegroom, baidesmaids, and every soul iu the house, all cry—even down to the old cook, " who knowed her ever since she was a baby in long clothes,"—as if the young couple were about to be " transported for life," in the literal rather than in the figurative sense of the term.