Bridport, Beaminster, and Lyme Regis Telegram and Dorset, Somerset, and Devon Advertiser. — 1884-12-05 (Bridport, Dorset, England)

LOCAL NOTES.  Vivra the published futures of sitting for IEBS of her Majesty's Justices of the Peace for the county of Dorset ( .ivision of Bridport), which has just been handed me, I find an interesting and refreshing statement relative to the • Thornaombe Petty S •ssions in the 'Schoolroom, Thorncombe.' What shall we hear next. I wonder! No doubt the Thorne mnbe centre will prova of vast convenience to the resident magistrates, to say nothing of the defendants. pee >nem and other unfortunate personages. In the fixtures for 1888 we may confidently look forward to such aanouahemente as the Po weratock Petty Sessions,' the ' Dattery Q4arter Sessione,' and the ' Eype All would be useful in their gener.tion,  ' How does the demon drink confonnd us lr inebriate the other evening was returning home to Netherbury 'Pia Pymore, when his intoxicated vision espied a newspaper dangling from one of the wayside hedges. ' Moo's thee 'l' was the refined salutation levelled at the modest newspaper, whose dignity was so offended that it vouchsafed no reply. ' Who 'at Way doea'n exim down Bean't vraid o' thee, sin)tv I. But the paper aaswered not. • Then tick that, and that, and that,' roared the exasperated inebriate, as he fractured the poor newspaper into a dozen fragments. A friend who happened to come up at this exciting moment beard him exclaim ' Oh, thee'is got a knife, haitl immedletely followed by a yell of 'Murder, murder, thieves.' Never were such laserated knuckles, never such blood-stained augers scour inebriat presented t, his sober friend. but • lave in the babbling brook dose at hand brought our excited Bacchus to his sober senses, and it was only then that he realised he had deelared war with a stray copy of the Times, which had no doubt taken flight from its reader during the day, lodging itself on the convenient points of a cluster of autamnal briars. Next to • handsaw perhaps an autumnal briar is the most formidable enemy te wage war egainst with unprotected knuckles, especially when the said cluster and a newspaper are mistaken for the pliable formation of a human being.  Q lite too shocking is the result of a hoax played upon the unwitting editor of a newapaper published not a thousand miles from my humble suburban res deny*. Same wit, or wits, have been putting their unsanctilled wits together to " have him,' and gracious kn 'we they have done it. This is how they did it. Addressed from the vicinity of Poole, they forward the psrtionlars of a glorious fad,' asserting it to be of inoalculable are losical interest, inasmuch as it is a relic of the departed Romans. They, moreover, 'wart that the unearthed urn is beautifully inscribed in Latin, as follows— but really I cannot permit myeelf, nor can I permit my readers to repeat the inscripttan—lt is too horrible to contemplate, and its congrq uencee, oh, fiel No doubt the editor of that intellectual luminary is, like myself, unverse I in Latin, but even a smattering of the " Queen of Tongues" ought to have convinced him that there was but one wee bit of Latin about it, and that far tram apropos of the intereatmg urn. I advise all editors who may he in the halal t of using a onyutoos communications to become pogseaaed of at least the rudiment' of the L %tin language, and then their pnoocity of und,rstan ling and quickness of appreLension my render easy their tasks of discerning the " quality" of tae various L stin communications with which they como in'contacr. " Moiliter studio talien'e laborem."  The report of the public baths in Do vue-sfreet, Fast published, gives cause for regret that such an excellent undertaking should be otherwise thao self-supporting. Darint the first year of its existence there were no less then 2,317 baths taken, bat this is a very small proportion when the average of the popul stion is considered. 0; course it is a good thing—an exc -Dent thing—to have these baths, but the r4eort to them should be more general. rhe committee have had a most liberal subscriptian list, without which the baths would collapse. Lucem Libris.