Northern Weekly Gazette. — 1904-01-30 (Stockton-on-Tees, Cleveland, England)

GAZETTE.  "Right you are," agreed the cheerful fricind. "Tell us all about it." 4111 Ci . 1 ex`p`lt'.sh thispushwianyg," Albrztt oecounadress condescended his 1\ the , w:ty. "You've met Miss Bingham—Hazel 3 i i‘..„44 r.t I 14) 113h,inghomd?wWtell, you knotiw hwhat eydeshshe U 1 1 i I V you' hove to do a ryegular eggidvll dime _ A in the presence of their family to keep in  their good graces. Her mother le apt to flash a lorgnette on you upon the least provocation, and her father has anoe-tors besides his bank account "Well, when Mr B:ngham sent me an invitation to a dinner-party; maybe I didn't feel pleased with myself! It was the saano a.s being stamped all wool and a yard wide by the Binghares, you know. I have had a lot of things on this fall, and as I'm 90 absent-minded I've been kteping an ongagement-book, so I hustled and jolted down the Bingham dinner under its day— Tuesday.  "I spoilt six ties when Tuesday evening came, but when I rang the Binghams' doorbell I had the calm assurance of a man who knows his shirt- front doesn't hunch up or his coat wrinkle just below the collar. When the maid came to the door I asked if Mrs Bingham was in, an] she told me to come into the reception room. Out in the library I could see Mr Bingham in smoking jacket and slippers reading the evening paper. This struck me as queer when I knew he was such a proper old party. Pretty soon Mrs Bingham floated in. She shook hands and sail ,the was glad to see me; but there yrs suoh a lorgnette air about her that it made me uncomfortable. "No other guests arrived, and if it had not been for my unexplained misery 1 should have felt additionally puffed up to t:ink I had been asked to dine cn f mile. I kept looking around for Miss Binghtm, and she presently arrived by the front door. She walked in attired in a street suit, stopped short at seeing me in my glory, and then recollected herself. She called papa in. and he added to my joy by peering over the tops of his glasses and saying, `Eli—whatr before he greeted me.  "By this time my collar was melting down. I had cold ("hills, loss of appetite. and a ringing in my ears. For people who had sent me a written, signed. and scaled bid to dinner they certainly had most peculiar ways. I couldn't help but think that beef stew and app'e dumping. were unique when one had a guest. I think the potatoes were boiled, too. Oh, there were lots to eat, and it was good— only, I mean, it wasn't the fancy fixings oars. I would have enjoyed it just as much if it had been ywdust. "Papa Bingham thin% get over his puzzled state all through dinner, and kept looking inquiringly at his wife. Hazel talked fifty miles to the minute. but it sounded hysterical to me. I'd have given all my ready cash to crawl out of the window. They were kind to me, but, besides being a bank thicf and a robber, I ' felt when the meal was ended that I was also a forger and a murderer, 9 nil that the date for my execution had been set. "I knew I had distinguished myself as an imbecile and a bore when I final!y esoaped and got home. Then I looked up the original tnvitation to reassure myself. Yes, it was for Tuesday—but' the 27th, instead of the 20th. I had arr:ved a week too soon. An.i now tell me—am I supposed to go again next Tuesday, or stay away to expiate my sins? I'm up against it."  But the broad-shouldered yc-rung man only laughed unfeelingly, and declined to decide the matter for him. "Chic go News."  * ® *  ' ,