The Blandford and Wimbourne Telegram. — 1884-12-05 (Blandford, Dorset, England)

LOCAL NOTES.  From the published fixturds of sittings for 1885 of her Msjesty's Justices of the Peace for the county of Dorset dvision of Bridport), whnch has just been handed me, I find an interesting and refreshing statement relative to the Ttiorneombe Petty S3lltiollB. in the • S3hooiroom, Thomoombe.' West shall we hear next, I wonder No doubt the Thorne ,mbe centre will prove of vast convenience to the resident magistrates, to say nothing of the defendants, pr s nrc. ant other unfortunate personages. In the fixtures for 1886 wa may confi iently look forward to such announcements as the 'Powerstdck Patty Sdssions,' the ' Thttery Q carter Session4,' and the ' Eype All would be useful in their genention.  'How does the demon drink confound us I' An inebriate this otaer evening was returning bolus to Netherbui-y via Pymore, when his intoxicated vision espied a newspaper dangling from one of the wayside hedges. 'H io't thee ?' WAR the refined salutation levelled at the molest newspaper, whose dignity was so offended that it vouohsafed no reply. 'Who 'at? Why does'n ClOra down? Bean't avraici o the, snow l' flit the paper answered not. ' Then tick that, and that, and that,' roared the exasperated inebriate, as he fractured the poor newspaper into a dog in fragments. A. friend who happened o ime up at this exciting moment heard him exclaim 'Oh, thee's got a knife, has 1' immediately followed by a yell of ' Murder, murder, thieves.' Never were such lad-rated knuckles, never such blood-stained fingers as our inebriate presentcd t his sob-ix friend, but a lave in the babbling brook close at hand brought our excited Bscchus to his sober senses, and it was only then that he realised he hscl declared war with a stray copy of Vie Times, which had no doubt taken flight from its reader during the day, lodging Itself on the convenient points of a cluster of autumnal briars. Next to a handsaw perhaps an autumnal briar is the mist formidable enemy te wad,. war against with unprotected unuakles, espacially when the said cluster and a newspsper ere mistaken for the I pliable formation of a human being.  Qiite too shocking it the result of a hoax played upon the unwitting editor of a newdpaper published not a thousan t miles from my humble suburban reirdence. S 'me wit, or wits, have been putting their unsanctified wite togethtr to have him,' and gracious knaws thsv have d. no it. This is how tbey did it. Addressed r rue the vic.niiv .4 Po le, th3y forward the p articulars of a g'ori ,I1(4 'hid,' asserting it to be of incalculable MC' as 'logical intere-t, inasutuch as it is a relic of the departed Rarnaus. Tney, moreover, ass.rt that the upeat then urn is beautifully inscribed in Latin, as follows— but really I cannot permit myself, nor can I p3rmtt my teadn s to reasat the in-naripton—it i 3 too horrible to contemplate, and itscoussquences, oh, fie! No doubt the editor of that inte.lectual luminary is, like myself, unverse I in Latin. but ev..n a smattering of the " Qieen of Tongues' ought to have convinc :d him that the-e was hut one wee bit of Latin about it. and that far fram apropos of the interestmg urn. I advise all editors who may he in th nf ticing a onytnous communicatione to becsnue pJ.s -.and of at least the rudiments of Vie L atin language, an I theta their pr trocity of understanding and quickness of apprehension in ,y lender asy their tacks ot discerning the "quality " of th. V aripus L %tin cmaimunic Along with which they c .m° in contact. " aconites studio Mien; e laborem.'  Tiie repot of the public baths in Do vne-strat, just published. gives cause for regret that such an excolient undertaking should be otherwise than self-supportinc. Darine the first year of it+ existence there were no less than 2,317 baths t %ken, bit this is a very small proportion when the average of the populition is considered. Of course it is a good thing—an exallent thing—to have these baths, but the r •tiort to them should be more general. The committee have had a most liberal subscription list, without which the bathe would cellapse. Lucem Libre..