The Northern Guardian. — 1893-07-25 (Hartlepool, Cleveland, England)

HARP.—He had made love to a thousazin girls and he had told the same story et loyalty and devotion to each one. At first it was accepted as true, and a few tender young hearts were strained almost to the breaking point, but in time the Ares of his adoration caught isa, and he was 'IA such a heart smasher as he thought he was. Last winter or early this spring a young Detroit woman cronipd his path. She was beautiful, rich, and responsive, and he threw himself at her feet. She rather liked the idea of his being there, though she knew him better than he knew himself, and she did not disitiusioniee him. One day she sat idly lietening to his tale of lore, and she was getting tired. "I would," she said, "I had a harp, whose strings I might touch an,- find a chord responsive to my own heart's yearning." He caught her hands in his fervently. "Dear one," be murmured, "take me." drew her hand away icily and looked on him with a cruel glitter in her lovely eyes. "I said a harp," and the words Caine as the blows of a heavy hammer ; "I said a harp, not a. it re." And then he smote his mouth with a doh and went forth and kicker. hinn3elf.--Letroit Free l'tws.  Tos Orgy relialde way to be declared inset's is to Slit till you're over 70, pretty well fixed, and then prr,ceed to marry- somebody young. It is less ob).ctionahle than murder. and generally sticks  THE 00lier girls who were made bachelor of arts the other day are now making for the b,orts of bachelots. The difference between them and poet's is that they are not born bat made bachelors. Mermen' VIS:TOR (blandly) : "Well, dams, ana how do you find things now?" Crusty Old Co't,ger : " How do I find things ? Why, by looking for 'ern, to be sure.' . .  Wursitran far,ner who has been asked how It k that his daughters have not got married : "We se zee, zor, zum years 'Leone them as wild ha' they, they wudn't have ; and now them as they wild have won't ha' they." Ix a certain street there are three tailers. The first to set up shop hung out thill eitn Here is the best tailor in this town.' The next put up : "Here is the best tailor in the world." The thirekillimply had this : "litre is the best tailor in this strl9Or Our in search of an item to-day (says the reporter sf a Nevada newspaper) we aPked a fellow-citieen, " What's the news?" "Nothing startling," he replied. That man would never do for a newspaper reporter in a small interior town. Nothing startling, indeed ! Why, as he made the remark two dogs !vete preparing to sign articles for a prize-fight right in front of this store; a waggon loaded with wood could be seen in the distance, whieh MO sure to pass this way during the day if something did not break; •two women whom he knew to be mortal enemies were approaching each other on the corner above ; a doctor was hurrying across the street, and a man who always kicks Hp a fuss and gets arrested when he gets excited by teetotallinE, wss just entering the door of a saloon a few doore below. }lad that fellow-citizen bad the soul of a reporter within his breast, he might have convulsed half Europe by the free use of adjectives, superlative quotations from Or classics and Chelsea philosopher. and ezrdtal letters