The Liverpool Standard and General Commercial Advertiser. — 1833-10-04 (Liverpool, Merseyside, England)

TAX-P.ATBR9.—It was naturally to be'expected, that the pulling out of rearing Rushton by the hair of the head, and of sly and creeping Parkes by the heels, and the hustling of John Wocd about, as we do a detected shop-lifter ; it was natural to expect that these vermin, thus exposed as they were in the last Register, would become furious and extremely tonguey. That which I expected has taken place. John Wood, snug in his sixteen hundred a year, eats his fat mess, and keeps quiet, like a yard-hog, when he comes at night for the swill : you may half beat his brains oat ; but to squeak, he must cease to eat ; and, as my Lord Althorp knows as well as any man in England, the devil can't make him do that, while there is a drop at the bottom of the trough. How often these greedy tax-eaters must remind my lord of those hogs, of which he has long been so famous a breeder, and a pair of which, such as he once gave to John Price, I wish he would give me, not of his two-legged ones, for God's sake ! Not of his roaring Rushtons, his Parkeses ; bat of those honest, and much more intelligent foustlegged creatures, being of a reddish brown ground with yellow stripes. How often, when beset by the swinish multitude of tax-eaters at the Treasury, he must look back with a sigh towards the more moderate herd that he has left in Northarnptonshire I  " It n•as natural to expect that these vermin would come forth with most bitter reproaches. They were lying, 149 they thought, out of tight, and forgotten : quiet as a sow in beans,' is an old saying. You cannot see her the beans are-so high ; the food is just upon a level with her mouth ; it is at once nutritive and moist (just like taxes  she munches, and stuffs, and sleeps ; the beans afford her fond, drink. and shelter, and, taking good care not to grunt, there she bides very often till pigging-time. Thus happily situated ten days ago were Wood (emphatically called John), roaring 'Rushton, and Joseph Parkes. If you drag out the sow, my Lord Althorp knows what a devil of a noise she will make : you would think that murder was committing in every part of the village at one and the same time. When I was at Havre de Grace, rather more than forty years ago, I saw the people in the grand Place, running towards a spot whence issued female screams of 'on neassassine .1 on ye assassine I' Believing that somebody was assassinating a woman, I ran amongst the rest; but to my agreeable surprise I soon found that it was a woman that kept a certain sort of house, receiving discipline at the hands of a sort of beadle, who had her hands fast to a whipping-post, and was applying a cat very efficiently to her naked shoulders. Something in this sort of way roaring Rushton and Parkes have been crying out against me, since I pulled them out in my last Register. As the means of putting forth their cries, they have resorted to Dr. Black, who, by a long series of tackings-about and of dullness, has, at last, brought the poor old Chronicle to that point at which the doctors usually say, ' You may let her have what she likes.' I most solemnly declare that I believe it to be more than two months since I so much as saw a Morning Chronicle, until the 14th of this month, when a neighbour in Fleetstreet, who generally sees it on its way somewhere else, saw the article which has called forth these remarks : and, seeing that thero was something about me, he, the next day, got the paper second-hand, and made me a present of it ; and thus, once more, I had a sight of dismal old ChroNicle. The hare sight of her so impressed upon my mind the idea of her approaching dissolution, that I instinctively run my hand into my waistcoat pocket, to search for a couple of old Liverpool's heavy pennies to lay upon her eyelids."