The Barrow Herald and Furness Advertiser. — 1888-07-28 (Barrow-in-Furness, Cumbria, England)

WIT AND HUMOUR. _ A noisy piece of crockery: The Cup that cheers. . — "Poor thing! Ido feel for her. Though she is , A Great Composer.—Sleep. : The corset comes to stay and at the same time A Handsome Thing in Bliawlts—A pretty girl. :oss, to „aist. a person I never saw, yet hers seems a case of :Such : _A Real Helpmett —The carver. A great many people who are crazy to get into oppression on the one hand, and such patient sufferstome Rulers—Women. • ing on the other, that one cannot but—" Ise social swim are drowned before they can get The society belle is sometimes know by her clap- tut. "Oh I daresay you'll see her in the morning, for ; r she often steals out then, when the wretch, rsup- Pc • . . Speaking of drinking, it may be observed that Musical—Children, for the major part, cry in pose, is in bed." nen who "can take it or leave it atone" generally pi 'nor tones. "But what could have induced a girl to tie ;her. sake it. Tire pundits are carefully looking for some remedy .. . • self to such a man?" I An muter, in noticing a new and splendid hearse, ' for lame jokes. "Well, I don't know : the old story, I suppose , thinks "ib will afford much satisfaction to those Never travel without a pocket companion... A ;, who use it." —false appearances; for no girl in her senses could ; well, filled pocket-book is the best. : have mat.rieil ii nem with his habits, if she had This world is a big revolver. The sun eis a bigger ' The need of money."—No, we want no stories known of them beforehand. There is sometimes a one. , illustratiug that subject. We can write them our kind of infatuation about women, I allow, which , What chasm is that which often separates friends? selves from experience. What is the difference between a country schoolseems to blind them to the real character of the ; Sarcasm. man they are in love with ; but in this easel don't The greatest peer that England ever produced— master and Britannia ?—One rules the waves and think she could have known how he conducted Shakespeare. the other waves the rule. Why should not an opera singer live in a glass himself, or she certainly would have paused in A minister not long ago preached from the text time. Oh the wretch, I have no patience With house? Because he throws tones. "Be ye, therefore, steadfast." but the printer him !" ; The way a murderous attack is now defined is— made him expound from "Be ye there for breakThis little dialogue took place in one of those , "Assault with intent to plead insanity." fast." neat, bright, clean-windowed, gauzy-curtained ; One way to get out of a scrape—Let your beard " First Burglar : " Wot'll Ido with this burglar. houses, which form so many pretty districts within grow. islarm, Bill; take it along?" Second Burglar: "Yes a walking distance of the mighty heart of the great ; When may two people be said to be half. witted? etip it in the bag. We can get something for metropolis, and between two ladies, the one the , When they have an understanding between % them. st•-• mistress of the said nice-looking cottage villa, and A little learning in a fool, like scatty powder It is said that few ladies continue their piano the other her guest, a country matron who had in a large gun, will sometimes make considerable long after marriage. This announcement is made just arrived on a visit to her town friend ; and the noise. in order to encourage young men to cuter matriobject of the commiseration of both was the occu. "Nothing is impossible to him who wills," says ; tawny. pant of a larger and handsomer villa exactly oppo. a philosopher. No, nor to the lawyer wino conducts : site, but apparently the abode of great wretched- the case. A