Widnes Examiner. — 1892-05-28 (Widnes, Cheshire, England)

WILFRED B. OLDING.  The natural gullibility of mankind in general, and Tories in particular, is so well established that it hardly needed the additional evidence recently furnished by St. Petersburg in the person of a certain M. Gatchkowsky. This adept in the proper study of mankind is, you must know, what we in these parts would call a "'quack"; and by a tremendously-unheard-of-African-Chimese-Skiek-halfa-crown sort of aconcoction termed " vitaline," he has succeeded in gulling thousands and poisoning ' not a few. Rather a harmless sort of a mixture when examined, however,—borax and glycerine in •homcepathic quantities. Oh, poor, stupid, Enssians,thus to part with your hardly-earned copecks at the bidding of the first soft-tongued mountebank that parades his political—ahem ! medical, I should have said--nostrunis before your weary, heavy eyes. Quit you like men,arfd seek no longer the elixir of life in the borax pills and glyzerine draughts administered by the gettle, soothing, hands of Primrose Dames. Bless_me! Bless me!  1;T:1-Mixing Warrington and St. Petersburg! Having cleared the way thus far, I proceed to state it as my candid opinion that Toryism is a " Gospel of dirt." The shade of Carlyle threatens me,but to no avail. What I have written I have written, as Deeming said when he directed, that his frozen brains should be sent for medical inspection to Europe. A pretty pass indeed are we coming to, when a murderer's brains are to be hawked about Europe. To be frozen are they ? Well I'd just pack them in cement. The savants would be quite as wise at the finish of their investigations. When these venerable fossils with their scalpels and microscopes get the brains they won't get the man. No, as Kingsley put it, he will have gone to his own place. That iseo ! Carlyle applied the phrase" Gospel of dirt" to the doctrine of evolution. Nothing offensive is meant in its present application. Jr. conveniently and tersely expresses the actual value or Toryism. Dirt is matter out of its place, and the best thing I can at present advise is that the doctrines and principles of Toryism should be frozen into portable form and shipped off to Central Africa. I don't expect the " Observer" and its friends will take my advice. It is, perhaps hardly natural to expect them to do so. Deeming didn't part with his brain until compelled. Toryism has its root deep in the land, monopolising the national heritage, filling its coffers with the "unearned increment," taxing honest capital, and depriving honest labour of its rightful reward Its foreign policy is one of Grab and Bluster. Its Irish policy consists in stirring up the mud of religious dissension.; and in England it maintains its status only by the constant throwing of dust in the eyes or the working classes. How can a working-man be a Tory? I remember M. Gatchkowsky and human nature in Russia, and am silenced. Allow you to object? Of course I will. " Gospel of Dirt" very vulgar ? Well, suppose we adopt the following definition.—Toryism is a privileged system ot Borax and Glycerine. How will that do? Wonderful compound is Glycerine. Combined with nitric acid it forms anarchy; but, combined with borax, Toryism. Anarchy and Toryism have a common basis in Glycerine. That is something like a discovery. I shall apply for the medal of the Society of Arts forthwith. In the meanwhile, I will betake me to Sankey-St., and keep my weather eye open. One never knows what may happen. What then is Toryism ? A system of pure political quackery—a thing without an idea, without a conscience, without a soul—a dust-throwing organisation, a generator of Anarchy—an unjust, unsympathetic class doctrine. No man ought to embrace Toryism unless possessed of a wooden head and a thousand a year. When these qualifications are wanting, alas! M. Gatchk owsky, or Dr. Rentoul, has been at work.