The Shropshire Examiner and all round the Wrekin advertiser. — 1877-09-21 (Wenlock, Shropshire, England)

THE DODGER DODGED.  How to prevent railway porters and baggage man. ,ers from smashing trunks is, says the Siuu York Times, one of the most ulithult problems of the age. An Illinois man, noticing that the only article which the baggage-smasher does not smash is a loaded coffin, provided himself with a coffin made of .light cedar wood, furnished with nickel-plated handles, and a lid made to fasten with a lock. In this commodious receptacle he packed his quinine, his whisky, his other paper collars, and all the various travelling paraphernalia of an Illinoisan, and soot it under' cover of night to a distant railway station. In the morning he dressed himself in black, placed a wide " weed " around his hat, and presenting himself at the station, requested the baggage-master, with an expression of deep woe, to chock his beloved wife for Chicago. The baggage-master, though hardened by years of trunk-smashing, still retained some traces of humanity in his composition, and refsained from cursing the nournimig husband, although he firmly explained to him that "dead wives couldn't be played off on him as personal baggage,” and that the husband would either have "to dKpress hi.) good lady or to send her as special first-class freight." But the ingenious Illinoisan p-rsisted in his demand. He told the baggage-master that he must either check those remains or be responsible for their safe keeping until the decision of the lawsuit which he should certainly bring against the company. Alarmed by this threat, the baggagemaster yielded, and checked the coffin for Chicago, whilst its owner went behind the freight-house and executed a wild dance of private triumph. Twice during tho journey the baggage was shifted from one car to another, and, while dozens of trunks were reduced to splinters, the coffin was carried by six men with the most feeder care. Its owner \witched. it from the window of the smoking-car, :mil chuck. . _  led in a delighted way that would alone have proclaimed him a happy widower. In time he reaehed Chicago, when doubts as to the success of his invention first began to assail him. The coffin was brought to his hotel by a local express-man, who had been unwarily entrapped into taking the check, but who charged the owner four dollars, and compelled him to pay by threatening to carry his wife to the nearst medical college and sell her to the students. No sooner had the express-man departed than the ingo... nious Illinoisin became involved in a dispute with the landlord, who refused to allow the eeflin to be carried up stairs. "We can store your hay," said the landlord, " in the baggage-rosin, where she wilt be comfortable, but it.is against our rules to allow guests to have any remains carried to their rooms.'` Now, the Illinoisan wee anxious to got his paper collar and his quinine, but did not dare to open hia coffin in public, so he tried his utmost to coax and to bully the landlord into a departure from the rules of the house. The discussion soon attracted attention, and a coroner, who was waiting in the hotel in order to be on hand in case a few guests should be burned to death, promptly seized the coffin, and, empanelling a jury, proceeded to hold an inquest with that rapidity and energy characteristic of the Western, people when brought face to face with an opportunity to obtain cfficial fees. Great was the astonishment of the coroner and his jury when they viewed the supposed body. This astonishment on the part of the coroner himself soon gave way to anger when he reflected that he could not claim fees for holding an inquest on wearing apparel. He relieved his mind by oausing the arrest of the unhappy Illinoisan , on the charge of having murdered a wife or wives ' unknown to the jury, and confiscated the coffin in . part payment of the fees which he had expected to earn, and of which he considered himself defrauded. . Thus the expedient for transporting baggage in safety came to a disastrous end.