The Poole Telegram. — 1884-12-05 (Poole, Dorset, England)

LOCAL NOTES.  From the published fixtures of sittings for 1885 of her Majesty's Justices of the Peace for the county of Dorset ( ivision of Bridport), which has just been handed me, I fiud an interesting and refreshing statement relative to the • Tnerncombe Petty S lesions' in the ' Schoolroom, Thoincombe.' West shall we hear next, I wonder? No doubt the Thorne smbe centre will prove of vast convenience to the resident magistrates, to ray nothing of the defendants, pr's suers. and other unfortunate personages. In the fixtures for 1886 we may confidently look forward to such announcements as the Poweratock Petty Sessions,' the ' Duttery Quarter Session",' and the ' Hype A sizes.' All would be useful in their goner .tion. 'How does the demon drink confound us Ile inebriate the other evening was returning home to Nether' bury *is Pyrnore, when his intoxicated vision espied a newspaper dangling from one of the wayside hedges. Hoot thee?' was the refined salutation levelled at the modest newspaper, whose dignity was so offended that it vouchsafed no reply. 'Who 'at? Way does'n (Dom down? Bean't *wad o thee, en sw But the paper answered not. ' Than tick that, and that, and that,' roared the exasperated inebriate, as he fractured the poor newspaper into a dozen fragments. A friend who happened t a cierne up at this exciting moment heard him exclaim 'Oh, thee'ss got a knife, heal 1' immedietely followed by a yell of Murder, murder, thieves.' Never were such laorrated knuckles, never such blood-stained fingers as our inehriat a presented t this solyer friend, but a lace in the babbling brook close at hand brought our exited 13 IcAus to his sober senses, and it was only then that he realised he h ad declared war with a stray copy of the Times, which bed no doubt taken flight from its reader thither the day, lodging itself on the convenient pints of a cluster of autumnal briars. Next to a handsaw perhaps an autumnal briar is the most formidable enemy to wa4e war Against with unprotected ;Knuckles, especially what the said cluster and a newspaper are mistaken for the pliable formation of a human beings Q site too shocking is the result of a hoax played upon the unwitting editor of a newspaper published not a thousanl miles from my humble suburban reidence. Srnie wit, or wits, have been putting their unsanctified wits together to "hove him,' end gracious kn saws they have dem it, This is how they did it Addressed from the vicinity of Peale, they forward the particulars of a g onus • find,' asserting it to be of incalculable are. se .logical interest, inasmuch as it is a relic of the deperted /Omens. They, moreover, assert that the une earthed urn is beautifully inscribed in Latin, as follows— but really I cannot permit myself, nor can I permit my readers to rep-at the inscriptien—A is too horrible to contemplate, and its consecsee noes, oh, fie! No doubt th 3 editor of met inte.lectual luminery is, like myself, unverse 1 in Latin, but ev,n a smattering of the "Queen of Tongues" ought to have convinced him that there was hut one wee bit co` Latin about it, and that far from apropos of the fntereetine urn. I advise all editors who may be in the habit of using a onyinous communications to become pots 'seed of at teat the rudiments of the L etin language, an i theu their pr :cocas, of und :ratan Hog and quickness of apprehension m sy render easy their tasks of discerning the " quality " of the various L atin communications with which they cm' in contac`. " Moiliter stnclio fallen'elaborem.'  The report of the public baths in Do-vne-street, jut puhlished, gives cause for regret that such an excellent undertaking sbou'r3 be otherwise tbau self-mpportinct. Darin the first year of iti existence there were no less than 2,317 baths t.ken, bit this is a very small proportion when the averag) of the populition te considered. 0' course it is a good thing—an exc Ilene thing—to have these baths, but the r)sort to them should be more general. l'hs committee have had a most liboral aubscription list. without which the baths would collapse. L ucem