The Poole Telegram. — 1883-06-01 (Poole, Dorset, England)

HEARD ON THE HILL.  Dlok : 'What'll win? Why, it is all hover, bar the shouting. 'Arry: Lor, now! and how do you know that? Dick : 'Ow do I know that ?—why, from reliable L. formation; that's 'ow I k..aw that. A cove wot's in the swim, and otyht to know his way about, seeing be haa been fined at Bow•street for assaulting the Police, 'e 'earti Lord Falmouth say to Harcher, "I'll stand you the best dinner that money can procure, if you gets his 'cad in frott." So 'ere goes my money on Gallihard. 'Arry: And mine. Lor, what a lot you know! You weren't born yesterlay I  First Sporting Prophet : What have you gone for, old man ? _  Second Sporting Prophet: Beau Brummel and Ladialaa. And you? First sporting Prophet: Gaillard and The Prince. Second Sporting Prophet : Ahi And backed them? First Sporting Prophet: Me! No; I have got a pile on Splendor. What do you fancy yourself? Second Sportiog Prophet : Hamako carries my money.  Our Cheerful Punter : What have you done, Charlie ? Charles his Friend: Backed every beast in the race. Our Cheerful Punter : What will do you most good? Charles his Friend: Nothing will do me any good. Whatever horse wins I must lose.  Green: Here le my ticket. I want be. Brown of Sheffield: You want £7 10e. ! Yell, I 'opee as 'ow you'll get it. But you have no chance 'ere; so cut.  Green: But I made the bet with you. Brown of Sheffield: 1 loathes a thief, but I 'ate a liar. Let's bee your ticket. There it is. in nice small pieces. Now, you 'ook, bvfore I send for the Police. Look 'ere, this hinnocent cove he been trying a ramp on ! Crowd: Welsher! Kill him ! Welsher ! Green : Gentlemen, Gentlemen, you are pulling me to pieces! I must really protest. Please do not knock my hat over my head like that. I do wish you wonld not tear my clothes to ribands. They are the best suit I have. Oh ! who has been ungentlemanly enough to break my uose and front teeth? Help! Murder! Police!  Confidential : te it all right 7. Upright and Honest Jockey: We ain't trying a yard to-day.  Sportsman r Flow did you come down, old Chappie ? Masher: Don' know, don' care. Sportsman: But you must know whether you canto down by the road or rail. Maher : But I don't. Awful jolly. Heaps': of Boy, caVai party. 'Ave drink? Where are we? Leteh go and see botches come out of stage-door !  Introduced: Oh, I say, you know that capital fellow you introduced me to. I have backed The Prince with Introducer: I don't think you were wise to do that. Introduced: But you said it was all right. Introducer : Well, as all right as suybody is nowa•  days. introeuced: How do you mean? Introducer : Well, he'll worry ru like mad for the money if you lose, and he is certain not to settle if you win.  First Unknown: What, you here? Second Unknown: Huth! I am in London, on imminent connected with the parish. First Unknown: Ah, lamat a May meeting. But what's the matter? Second Unknown: I thought I saw my Curate over there.  Simpleminded Individual: There, you fellows, while you've been gadding about, I have arranged the sweep beautifully. You've got a blank, Jones ;so you have. Brown; you've got Prince Maurice. Smith ; )..ti've got Bamako, Robinson; you've got Tyndrnm, Jackson; you've got ,IsTewfield, Thompson. I have drawn The Prince, Ladislas, Gaillard, and the Field. Ham't we better have lunch?  Disconsolate Plunger: Hang the horses ! Well, it's got to come out of somebody's pocket, if a church has got to be robbed. I don't care.  [From Funny Fula]  THE Derby was won by Sir F. Johnstone's "Se. Blaise "—hence a perfect Blaise of glory (which naturally accouuts for its having been such a Blaise-ing hot day).  jr is difficult to find an instance of more practical irony than the Amalgamated Society of Railway Servants investing £5,000 in railway stocks. In time, they might control a line, and then turn the tables with a vengeance.  A