The Haslingden Gazette. — 1906-03-24 (Haslingden, Lancashire, England)

BLUFF.  A patrolman at Park Plaza was swinging his arms the other morning when a strapping young man came down the Jamaica-road and inquired the way to the City Hall. Ht. was given directions, and had started off, when he returned to ask: "Can you tell me if a man was found dead in front of the City Hall yesterday—a man all mashed to a pulp?" "Haven't heard of any such case," was the reply. "But if be had been you'd have heard of it?" "Most likely. There was nothing in the papers last night or this morning about it." "Do you think the sidewalk around there is all covered with blood?" "No; why should it be?" "Say, a feller couldn't have been murdered there yesterday and nothing said abr ,it it, eh?" "No, sir; you seem to have something on your mind." "Yes. I have; I live out here about three tulles. About dark last night a tramp came hoofing along, and I made up my mind to lick him.. "What for:'" "011, I just felt that way. I never had a real fight, you are, and I wanted to know what I could "I see." "I peeled off my coat and vest to go for hint, when he squares off and says: 'Don't monkey with me, for I'm all teeth; I've just killed a man in Brooklyn.' "'What for? ' save I. "''Cause lie just looked at me,' says he. "'How did you kill horn?' "'Just swung nip right on his jaw, and he died. More'n a bar'l 0' blood on the sidewalk. He's lying a cold corpse in front of the City Hall. Outer my way, c von won't live three minds.'" "And he bluffed you down," said the officer. "Say, that's what I come in to find out," replied the young man. "I lay awake all night thinkin' of how 1 could have made that filler's heels crack the back of his head, and yet if he was such a fighter I might have been licked.. "Well, he didn't kill anybody. I, don't even think he had a fight." "And I'm a bluffed man?" "Looks that way." "And missed the goldenest opportunity' ever had to lick somebody." "That seems to be the case. If you had gone in to do your hest I think you would have had that tramp begging for mercy in about two minutes. It must make VOU feel sad." "Sad! Sod'' shouted the disappointed man, as he swung hiS arms and jumped clear of the ground. "Why, it's sunthin' I won't pit over for a hull year. There was the tramp, and there was me. I could have chawed him up and stood him on his head with one baud tied behind me, and be talks to me about bloody sidewalks and a dead man, atal I actually climbed the fence to give him all the road." "And what are you going to do?" asked the officer. "I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going out here a ways and peel off my coat and wait for tramps. I'll wait all day. I'll take 'em, big and little, as they Conc. along, and I'll knock 'em sot 011 e after another, until I fill three hospitals and I have a waggon load left over. Officer, say nothing. Do not seek to interfere with me. Igo to the slaughter, and I wish you good day."  "It's strange how quickly you can tell where some people are from. I hadn't been with that woman bre minutes before I knew she was from Massachusetts." "MOW did you know?" "She told me."  i "What is your definition of 'graft' ?" said the nquisitive person. "Graft," answenal Senator Sorghum, "is made up of the perquisites that come to some other fellow's office and to which you cannot lay any claim."  A Philadelphia parent wrote to s school-teacher in that city: -Miss Brown,—You must stop teach my Lirrie (laical torture she needs yet readin and Agora mit sums more as that, if 1 want her to do jumpin 1 kin make her jump."  1  I  I