Bridgend & Neath Chronicle, and County of Glamorgan Advertiser. — 1893-10-20 (Bridgend, Mid Glamorgan, Wales)

AMERICAN FUN.  AT a brilliant wedding, the pew-opener showed some very worthy but socially obscure people into pews. As soon as the clerk discovered it, he hastened to the pew-opener, and exclaimed, "Did 3on give those common people that pew ?" "Yes." "What on earth did you do that for? Did you not know that they were only free-seat trash ?" A WOMAN beats a man in economising household expenses, but he beats her economising on cigars. A WIDOWER advertises in the West for a wife, and gays he is "not particular as to quality or quantity." NOTHING perplexes a married man more than to find his wife using his bachelor cigar-case to keep Imiiroins in. WANTED, a salve for lips that will so deaden the sound of a kiss that the old folks can't hear it in the next room. Tins is the time of year at which the sentimental lnver names a row-boat after his girl, and has it painted green. "My dear sir, I adore your daughter, and wish to ask her hand." "But, sir, I have two. Which one will you have?" "Either." A MAN was boasting that he had an elevator in his house. "So he has," chimed in his wife; "and he 10-eps it in the cupboard in a bottle." PLAIN girls, as a rule, find husbands quicker than handsome ones—perhaps because they flatter the men, while the others expect flattery. Tim head waiter of a saloon in Boston was referred to as "a gentleman of soup-or-fish-al attainments.' _ _ .  A DELAWARE man, arrested for murder, proved that on that night, and at the hour of the murder, he was at home whipping his wife, and this fact saved him. A word to the wise is, and so forth. _ _  , AN extremely significant custom is observed by a race of girls which we call barbarians. When lovers present themselves they put a live coal into the hand of each, and the one who holds it longest wins a wife. There is a great deal of honesty in this practice which is to be commended. They make it hot for a man before marriage instead of after. Our customs am entirely different, for the young girls now-a-days put a smile in your hand first and the live coal afterwards. This is called domestic bliss.  "MASS, you know dem big glass shades, what am !tribe last night ?" "Well ?" eaid his master. "Well, was peelin de apples, when Mr. Johnson told me to bring one ob dem out, and —" "Well ?" said his master, impatiently. "Well, just as I was gwine to do --" "You let it fall and broke it, you careless scoundrel!' anticipated the master. "No, I didn't nudder," said the negro, sulkily. "Well, what then?" said his master, recovering. "Why, I struck him again do corner ob de shelf, and he brake hisself all to pieces." " Docroe," said an old lady the other day to her family physician, "kin you tell me how it is that some folks is born dumb ?" "Why, hem I—why, certainly, madam," replied the doctor; "it's owing to the fact that they came into the world without speech !" "La, me!' remarked the old lady; "now just see what it is to have a physic edication. I've axed my old man more'n a hundred times that as' same thing." "I no, n T like these circus performances," said an old gentleman. "I became prejudiced against them when I was a boy, by the gymnastics of a fly, that stood on his head on my piece of custard and rubbed his hind legs together in the air." A