The Bee-Hive. — 1873-03-15 (London, England)

SINGS WISE AND OTHERWISE.  ,":7 One of the neatest replies ever heard in a legislative body, or anywhere else, was lately made by Mr. Tilson, of Rockland, Maine. A member had replied to something Mr. Tilson had said, and pausing a moment, he inquired if he saw the line of argument. "Mr. Speaker," said he, "in answer to the gentleman, I would say I hear tbe bumming of the wheel, but I do not see any thread ! "  "I say, Jim," said a ploughman, the other day, to his companion, "I know of a new Mackintosh to keep out the wet." " What is that F" "Why, if you eat a red herring in the morning, for breakfast, you'll be dry all the day." If John Smith should, while crossing Brown's vacant lot, happen to fall and tear his pantaloons, who is responsible for the ground rent thus created —he or Brown ? and could Brown compel Smith to settle the rent with a potato patch.  Three things that never become rusty—the money of the benevolent, the shoes of the butcher's horse, and a woman's tongue. Three things not easily done—to allay thirst with fire, to dry wet with water, to please all in everything that is done: Three things that are as good as the best— brown bread in famine, well water in thirst, and a grey coat in cold. Three things as good as their better—dirty water to extinguish the fire, an ugly wife to a blind man, and a wooden sword to a coward. Three warnings from the grave—thou kuowest what I was, thou west what I am, remember what thou tut to be. Three things of short continuance—a lady's love, a chip fire, and a brook's flood. Three things that ought never to be from home—the cat, the chimney, and the housewife. Three essentials to a false story teller— a good memory, a bold face, awl fools for an audience. Three things seen in the peacock—the garb of an angel, the walk of a thief, and the voice of a devil. Three miseries of a man's house—a smoky chimney, a dripping roof, and a drunken wife.  It is said that Napoleon, when he was asked by Dr. O'Meara if he really thought be could have invaded England at the time he threatened to do an, answered in the following anagram—" Able was I ere I Eaw Elba." Whether this is true or not, we should like to see a more ingenious and extended anagram.  "I'm afloat! I'm afloat ! " screamed a young lady of powetful lungs and fingers to match, as she exercised both at the piano. "I should think you were," growled an old bachelor, "judging from the squall you raise." " Why slave so," said Cronus, your lifetime br gold? Contentment is better than wealth, I am told." "Who asked you to meddle ? " cried Quiz in a  pet. It ought to be better—its harder to get." A sailor dropped out of the rigging of a ship of war, some fifteen or twenty feet and fell plump on the head of the First Lieutenant. "Wretch!" said the officer, after he had gathered himself up, " where the devil did you come from p" "An' sure, I came from the North of Ireland, yer honour."  Bob Sawyer was asked the other day, while preparing a dose of " wolatilly " for a" wictim " in the neighbourhood, whether he danced the Lancers. "No," replied that gentleman, pausing for an instant in his pleasing occupation, "1 lance the dancers."  "One word more and Ihe done." How we dread to bear this sentence from the bps of a speaker at public meetings ! It is always a sure indication that he is bracing up for a fresh start  Foote once asked a man without a sense of tune in him, "Why uie you for over humming that tune?" "Because it haunts me," was the reply. No wonder," answered Foote, "you are for ever murdering it."