Bridport, Beaminster, and Lyme Regis Telegram and Dorset, Somerset, and Devon Advertiser. — 1884-10-03 (Bridport, Dorset, England)

FROM MISS TO MISTRESS. She who fails Mr.. t change for Miss. Has Mr. chance of wedding bliss. But she who changes from M(53 to Mrs. Has solved the Mr. y of kisses. When a Mi.e Mrs. to kis.; a Mr.y. A Miss is Maid in model n history. Tho' • Miss, 'tis said. is as good as a mile. When a Miss misses Mrs., Misters do smile.  A St. Catherine's (Csnada) jury of twelve enllghtned and thinking men, who were called to judge the faot3 of a case wherein a murder had probably been done—lts victim a woman—came to the fore with the conclusion: Died by the visitation of Cod under suspicious circutu•  Mr. Whaekem, a fiery schoolmaster. lost anotlar scholar yesterday. The class Was parsing a pentane.. What is the imperative of the verb to go? Paid Waek.un to Johnny Prizzelteri. I don't know. tio I shoot d Waelrem. Thank you, sir, repliad Johnny, ant he WB3 two streets off before the teacher could catch his br-ath.  Flunkey I beg your pardon. sir. but there is one thing I should like to mention at once. lam afraid—a—that lam expected to clean the boots I Gentleman: Bless me, oh. dear no I There mast be some mistake. I always clean them myself. and if you will leave your shoes outside the door I will give them a polish at the same time.  A scientist says that the reason kissing is so pleasant is because the teeth, jaw-bones, and lips are full of nervep, and when the lips meet an electrical current is generated. He should explain why it is the electric current does not work when he kisses his mother-in-law ts please his wire. Science cannot 'inset our religious notions about kissinx.  Whe-n-it-o-beTt"Hall, the celebrated preacher, was much pr-seed by a minister who had been holding forth b•fore him, and who had accompanied him into the vestry. to say what particular passage he most admired (in the disoours.-). the wit at length r .Inctautly disposed of the importunate vanity by saying, the paisage from the pulpit to the vestry. The young lady who badly wounded her arm with a pin while embracing a female friend a few days ago has no doubt been taught a wholesome lesson. G rls might embrace gentlemen friends a'l day without scratchisg their arms with pins. Men don't wear pins about tho neck—except, perhaps, old bachelors, who, when s r,al collar button flies off, are obliged to utilise • pin in its stead. But girls are not expected to hug old bachelor. In disuniting the mtther-in•law goeit!on, the Bestm TI an seri pt calls attention to the fact that there was one married man who never had a mother-in-law. His name was Adam, and he hadn't been marelei twentt-four hours before he got into trouble. If he had had a mother-io•lays she would have kept a close watch over the apples and neither Eve nor Adam would have got a chance at them. . .  What— coloured frame will you have. ma'am inquired a shopman of a lady who had called to have her prospective husband.e picture framed. Well, you ought to know more about it than lf, wee the ladr's reply. I went a fr-m,. thgt ill mAtott the plc ure. Oh. of our... ma'am, eaid the dealer, selecting one from the large assortment. How would a green one do? That man hen never discovered to this dry why that woman got out 80 Quickly. leering the door on a wide Jar.