The Stourbridge Observer, Cradley Heath, Halesowen & District Chronicle. — 1876-12-30 (Stourbridge, West Midlands, England)

AMERICAN HUMOUR.  A Yankee parson delicately, began a funeral discourse by alluding to the fact that he had officiated at the hanging of the father of the deceased. A New York journal says "Ohio has a law by which any husband who opens his wife's letters, can bemade to pay right smart for it. It isn't a good State for a jealous man to live in." A Delaware paper says of a man whose cow died, "Mr. Jones has the sympathy of the whole town in this his dark hour of grief." - - - -  A Western paper speaks of fine gardens surrounded by mountains all grown without irrigation. It would have been a pleasure to see these mountains growing.  Ridiculously enough, a New York poetess is writing about what she would do "U she were a sunbeam."  An obituary notice of a much-respected New York lady concludes with, "In her life she was a pattern worthy to be followed; and her death, oh! how consoling to her friends 1"  The editor of an Illinois paper thinks fishing, as a general rule, doesn't pay. ."We stood it all day in the river last week,' he says, "but caught nothing—until we got home,"  A Yankee editor insists that he wrote the word "trousseau" plain as a pikestaff in connection with certain bridal presents. The printer, however, vulgarly put "trousers."  Barnum (says a New York Journal) wants to get a nightmane to exhibit at his museum. Let him eat a mince pie, three, sausages, a dozen pickles, a plate of salad, and a few pig's feet at midnight. and go at once to bed. He will get on of the animals in two hours hr less.  A Philadelphia reporter, in describing the turning of a dog out of court by the order of the bench, says, " The ejected banine, as he was ignominiously dragged from the room, cast a glance at the judge for the purpose of being able to identify Atm at some future time." The Tennessee barrister who resorted to the insanity dodge in behalf 10 his negro client, and expatiated at some length upon thelibsolnte idiocy of the poor fellow, met with some opposition from the darkey himself, who exclaimed, "You can hang me, or send me to the penitenchry, or say, I'se a rascal, but, mister, please don't say ne a fool again." Mark Twain considers hens curious animals. They have no nose, nor no teeth, nor no ears. They have their crops inside of 'em. The outside of hens is generally put into pillars and made inter ladies. The inside of a hen sometimes 1111 up gentlemen and ladles. A hen is very much smaller than an ostrich, which is because if a hen were the size of an ostrich what large plum-puddings we must have for such eggs—and my digestion is weak.  - A Nebraska paper says that a woman at Fort Laramie has sued an editor of that place for publishing that she had murdered three husbands, when In fact she had murdered but two, the third escaping with a few broken ribs. "I don't care for their printing the exact truth about me," says the fair plaintiff, but I will not stand their exaggerations."  Inquisitive people sometimes meet with little adven tures which make them weep. I man who was paying atteation to a girl in New York stole up to the kitchen where she was at work the other morning, thinking to see what kind of housekeeper she was. Ile get interested as he stood behind a door all unobserved, watching the fair one at her toll; and in the ardency he obtruded his nose, which is very long, into a crack in the door. She innoceutly ghat the door a little. lie now wears It in a sling.