Brighouse & Rastrick Gazette. — 1893-08-26 (Brighouse, West Yorkshire, England)

FAL. Never was so disappointed in my life. They would take but COO, and I —eh—was No. 601."  Relieved of the responsibility. -- "Every single woman," said the eminent lady lecturer on "How to Find Happiness," "should study faults and failings." "But why not the married women as well ?" asked one of the audience. "There's no need of her studying her faults. Her husband will attend to all that."  Widow "Do you think marriage is always a failure ?" Bultiuch "Always a failure! Well, I should say not. Why, I know a case where a wife fairly idolises her husband, and he—why, he can't keep away from her a minute." Widow : "Bless me, how long have they been married ? Bulfinch• "Nearly a week." Preacher: "Why, Miss Winston, I would have known you at once by the remarkable resemblance you bear to your father. The same features, the same eyes, the same poise of the head. It certainly is remarkable." Miss Winston: "But Mr. Winstcn is not my father; only my stepfather." Preacher: "That only makes it the more remarkable," "What are these cups for ?" asked a well-dressed man of a Birmingham jeweller, pointing to some elegant silver cups on the counter. "These are race-cups, to be given as prizes." "If that's so, suppose you and I race for one ?" and the stranger, with the cup in hand, started, the. jeweller after him. The stranger won the cup.  HIS rATE. I looked into the azure eyes Of her I sought to win, In deep endeavour to surmise My fond heart's late therein. And searching with a lover's wit Those orbs of heavenly hue, My prospects seemed, I must admit, To be exceeding blue.  Asked for instructions.—Court a "Gentlemen of the jury, have you any doubts about the truth of the plaintiff's story when she says that the defendant proposed matrimony to her ?" Foreman: "Oh, no, your lordship. We merely wish to request that your lordship will be kind enough to repeat that portion of the charge relating to responsibility in insanity." A word of warning.—" Henrietta, dear "Yes, ma," from the daughter at the door, parting from her sweetheart, who is just kissing her good night. "Tell George to look out for the paint." George does not kiss her again. Henrietta thinks it is awfully mean of her another to give her away, until she remembers that the front gate has !wen just newly-painted. Apropos of counsel browbeating witnesses in murder trials, the case is recalled where the lawyer looked quizzically at the doctor who was testifying and said: "flocters sometimes make mistakes, don't they ? " "Just as lawyers do, sometimes," was the reply. "But doctors' mistakes are buried six feet under ground," said the lawyer. "Yes," said the doctor, "and lawyers mistakes sometimes swing six feet in the air."  "Ah!" said the editor, as the young author came in, that last thing was good. We were very much pleased with it." " Well, in that case," said the author, "will you kindiy cake no notice of what I said io my latter about not liking the way you treated me, and declaring that I should send you no more of my work." "Oh, that's all right," replied the editor, with heartless cruelty. " that letter is what I referred to."