Brighouse & Rastrick Gazette. — 1891-12-05 (Brighouse, West Yorkshire, England)

NOT SO EASY.  The ascent of Vesuvius is not considered difficult. The mountain is not high, scarcely exceeding 41000 ft. ; and not until the cone of the volcano is reached does the average mountain-climber grow siusible of fatigue. "From that point." writes one  who has maue tne ascent, "my experience is thaz a guide and assistant will be agreeable. There are no longer roads, bridle-paths, footpaths er tracks; nothing but a mass of cinders and scorie and these Ecorite exactly resemble iron spovges. The lump of dross are incessantly rolling under your feet, '•_CI that had slip-backs are frequent. -My companion, who counted himself a good mountaineer, smiled with pity when he caught sight of the cone, and scorned any assistance. 'ls that all ! he cried; *and you call that hard to climb. Look here, then!' and he started ctlf briskly. At the end of a hundred pac, she halted, blowing and gasping ; then he I'OSUIL4',I his course. I marched slowly behind. 64 The scoria rattled under my friend's feet like stones from a cart. Ile went another hundred steps, and fell flat, grazing his hands and khec.s.  "lie rose brTlvely,- without utteri4-a--;vord, and ran upwards. Another fall; thi, time he tore his clothing. Then he sat down and when the guide came up. took his arm, aldshortly afterwards the arm of another guide. . .  "soon we rea.clied the smooth slope, the yielding side of the cinders, and cur courage rose. Alas! we regretted the scorke. It is true that the stones are no longer rolling and crumbling beneath Out feet, but it is worse to sink knee-deep into the dust. Ono limb is extricated from this solid pod of cinders, and borne forward after some astonishing manonvres. But the other log is set fast. "Woe to him who thinks to help himself with his hands, for they sink immediately iuto the moving soil, and drag his arms into it up to the phouldera. -Well, we got out of the 'fix' after much scrambling, coughing and choking, and reached the summit, where a keen wind blew the dust off us.  th softly tiptoed In the iron, And caught her dosing in a Lap. It tilled his soul with suddisn gkoi To see his verses in her lap.  "I am so unfortunate," she Ea id, delicately plaintive, "as to possess the gift of divining exactly what everyone thinks et me." He (absentmindedly): "Well, that is unfortunate, by Jove !'' "Brownston has cured his wife of everlasting talking." "How, for goodness sake ?" "Ile told her that she looked prettier with her mouth closed, and now she can hardly be induced to utter A lady in Paris was out of all patience and spirits at hearing nothing but French day after day. One morning she heard a cock crowing, and exclaimed. "Thank Heaven, there's somebody who speaks English!" Inhaling.—As an Irishman, lately arrived, was staring about (mouth wide open) in Fleet-street, a gentleman, remarking his open countenance, suggested that Paddy was trying to catch the English accent.  Patient: "Ouch! Murder! Fire! I thought you said you were a painless dentist ?" Dentist: "Well, so I am. Do you observe any extraordinary facial contractions that would lead to the belief that 1 am in pain ?"  Bessie: "Why didn't you let Charlie' read your diary?" Jessie: -Because the first time his name appeared was when he proposed and I accepted him. It will take at least a week to work in his name nicely in all the back pages,"  ON