Stockton Herald, South Durham and Cleveland Advertiser. — 1887-01-08 (Stockton-on-Tees, Cleveland, England)

SALISBURY : 0 1-0 1 1-0 11 1 (Looks round into chair.) Why, it's a tin tack, point upwards. LORD IDDESLEIOU : Have any Socialists or Fenian& had access to the room? _.  - _ Ma Sbuni (severely) : No; the author of this outrage is the Chancellor of the Exche9ner. I saw him fiddling about the Prime Minister's chair, and now I understand his conduct. THE CHANCELLOR : All right, Bill Smith; wait till I get you outside l Ma : My lords and gentlemen, I protest against the want of courtesy' which constantly characterises the remarks of the Chancellor of the Exchequer. SALISBURY (teaditay) : Randolph, you surely have not been so wanting in respect to me as to place this tin tack in my chair 1 Tits CHANCELLOR (WAN): I scorn to tell a lie! I did put it there, but I didn't mean to hurt you. SALISBURY (solervnl y) : It has drawn blood. . .  ALL: Sherrie THE CHAECELLOR : Look here, you fellows I You're jolly hard on me bra boyish freak. Loan IDDESLEIGH : We've haa too many of your boyish freaks, sir. THE HOME SECRETARY : lie ought to be hoisted I  Smirn : He is making us the laughing-stock of Europe. Tue CHANCELLOR: 0, go and eat coke MR 83(1711 : Lora Salisbury, I appeal to you for protection I It is scandalous that a man of my age and attainments should be requested to eat coke by an impertinent little whipper-snapper. The CHANCELLOR Say that again, and I'll pull your nose I SALIRBURY : silence, my lord! Tits CHANCELLOR (working himself lip): 0, I don't care for you! For two pins I'd pull your nose (General horror and consternation.) . . . .  Mr SMITH (gasping for breath ) : I—er—where's my hat? Let me go home. I cannot listen to this blasphemy any longer. THE CHANCELLOR: Go on • nobody wants you. If you're going by a bookst:111 tell one of your boys to save me a Police News. i Ma SMITH( bursting several reins his forehead): Help I Water I Police I (Rushes from the room, and falls senseless into the arms of the hall porter, who bathes his temples with vinegar and blows on his brow.) SALISBURY : Lord Randolph Churchill, as Prime Minister of this great country I cannot allow anyone—not even you, my lord—to threaten to pull my noset When such a threat is made it is au occasion on which I must assert may position. I call upon you instantly to witlidmw your words.  ,441ii*1  THR CHANCELLOR: Sha'n't I Yah ! ALL: You must Tus CHANCELLOR (making rude fates at the assembled Misisters): IV see you all at Jericho first—there! (Puts his tongue out.) SALIARURY : You little wretch I I'll— _ _  Tim CtuNcELLoR (fUwfiug oj lass coat): 0, that's your game, is ii? Tiere—l'll take the lot of you one up, this other down. (Spars up to Salisbury, and kits and doubles him up. Knocks Lord iddesLeigh into the fireplace, and sends the Home Secretary otag,mrang back into the waste-paper bask t.) ALL: help I Murder! Police! TUE; CHANCELLOR : Now, then, if any of you ;Taut any more, come on. Pooh I Bah I (Snaps his fingers.) That for the lot of you! I wash my hands of you—l resign. You're all so jolly clever—try and carry on the Government without sue. I leave you to it, and I wish you joy of the job. Good morning. r resign. Pin sick of having such a pack of duffers to deal with. Yah I ((uts a withering glance at the assembled company, and marches out of the room with flushed cheeks and glaeing eyeballs.) A Solemn Silence, and (in mercy) Curtain.  The situation in Europe is improving. At the age of ninety the Emperor of Germany has consented to give up taking lobster salad for supper and putting cold boiled suet dumplings under his pillow for refreshment during the night. Up to a few days ago the dear old boy would think nothing of eating a strawberry cream ice, &pennyworth of apples, half a cocoanut, and a couple of hot buttered rolls its a stay to his stomach between breakfast and lunch. He began to have symptoms of indigestion, but couldn't think why. Now this grand old warrior, by the advice of his physician, takes gruel with whisky in it the last thing at night; but he is a soldier to the last. The gruel is brought to him steaming hot in his second best helmet, and he eats it with half a bombshell as a spoon..