Stockton Herald, South Durham and Cleveland Advertiser. — 1886-04-10 (Stockton-on-Tees, Cleveland, England)

FOOTMAN. proud of his grammar, ushered into the drawing-room a Mr Foote and his Last Will and Testament "—Rump Songs— we read— two daughters, with this introduction—" Mr For half of thirteon-pence ha'penny wages Foote and two Miss Feet." I would have cleared all the town eases, Loss or Tr..—First student—" It is terAnd you should have beeu rid of all the stages, I and my gallows green. rible to think how much time is lost in a year with card playing !" Second ditto—" But the executioner might fill another offlos, especially in shuffling." Yes, Thus, the porter of the city of Canterbury WHAT is that terrestrial object that is was executioner for the County of Kent in above all human imperfections, and equally the reign of Henry 111., and had an allow- protects the wisest, the weakest, the best, ance from the Sheriff, who was reimbursed and worst of mankind 7—The hair of the from the Exchequer 20s per year. The head. clothes were often a source of profit, though UNCLE; "Well, Diok, what do you want not always. Sir Thomas More put on his best now ?" Dick: "Oh, I want to be rich." silk camlet gown to be executed in, but was Uncle: "Rich I why sot" Dick: "Because persuaded by the Lieutenant of the Tower to I want to be petted. Mamma says you must put it aside for one of frieze. Most noble- be petted because you are rich—but it's a men and people of moans, however, not only great secret, and I mustn't tell." dressed well, but paid a sum also. Before a wIIAT is a wink r, It asked the teacher. the Duke of Monmouth's execution the a is the thing you aeasen yout soda-water following talk took place between him ' and with," replied the new boy, who was as the executioner :—Monmouth: "Here are smart as he was annoying. But the ; six guineas for you; pray do your business teacher marked him away down, and preten well ;do not serve me as you did my Lord ded not to understand him. Russell. I have heard you struck him three A amnia lady who was recently out driving or four times. Here (to his servant), take became alarmed when the horse began to Meta these remaining guineas,and give them to him and naively requested her beau to get out and if he does his work well. "Earl Ferrers, too, hold the animal's feet. executed May 5, 1768, for the murder of his „ na,A, what's a boomerang ?" "Well, ' steward, donned a suit of white and silver, Johnnie, when a fellow kicks at a dog, and and provided the white cap for his face, and finds his leg about three inches short, that's l a black silk handkerchief to pinion his arms. a boomerang; for the blow returns to the Nearer our own time the executioner's man who gave it.,, (Caleraft's) emoluments were one guinea per week, and one guinea for each execution. A nee was trying to pen a few sheep in the cattle market one clay, and, as he hadn't a dog, he found great difficulty in effecting Half-a-crown for every man flogged, and an allowance for cats or birch rods. At Horse- his purpose. Seeing a farmer at some dis; tance from him, with a collie lying ist his monger-lane Gaol he was paid a. retaining fee of five guineas, and the usual guinea, and feet, he shouted, "Here, manl lend us the was free to engage himself in the country, bark o' yer dog for five minutes." where he demanded and got £lO. Finally, he As