Swansea and Glamorgan Herald, and South Wales Free Press. — 1861-08-28 (Swansea, West Glamorgan, Wales)

ONE THOUSAND AND ONE PROVERBIAL AND OTHER PLATITUDES,  ADOPTED, ADAPTED, AND INVENTED BY OUR OWN PHILO.  The maxims of Larochefoucauld were written after long meditation, and were the result of deep study; the following are, on the contrary, thoughts produced without reflection, and judgments expressed without judgment. I. To cultivate your taste, you must choose good society; to choose good society you must have a cultivated taste; the dilemma is awkward. 2. The quickest method of reaching a high position in the world is to go up in a balloon. 3. If Cain had been a Scot, he would have been called Mac Adam.  4. The most acceptable service my friends could offer me would be a service of plate. ii. Love without moneyisapatent leather boot without a solo.  5, Women should never be compared to roses; do not roses wither as they grow old ? 7. The blush on a girl's cheek is the insurrectionary flag of modesty. 8. Physiognomists would make poor volunteers, if they are always right about face. 9. The keynote of a dog's voice resembles Byron when his barque is on the sea (C); and Signor Tamberlik's high chest notes in Othello always remind us of murder on tho high seas (C's) when the celebrated tenor leaves the even tenor of his way to kill his wife. 10. If there be any truth in the development system, hunchbacks are only degenerated camels. 11. Remorse is the corkscrew which extracts confession from the guilty. ' 12. .2Ealus was a famous speculator ; he could always raise the wind and come down with the dust. 13. Many people were driven to California by cupidity, still more by stupidity, but mostof all by an easterly wind.  14. A lover is only a hook, whereas a husband is a grapnel. 15. A fella knocks hard who can fell Cu ox. 16. Mammon-worshippers at church think more of the profits than of the Prophets. 17. People with the small pox du not deserve to be pitted. • 18. Death is the suspension bridge between life and eternity. 19. Is there any difference between a sightless Doge and a Venetian blind?  20. Children learn to dance as easily as to say papa. The first pas is the only difficulty. 22. To despatch an Australian mail, it is not necessary to kill one of the Aborigines - _  23. I never eat much between my meals, because when I eat much I make a meal.  24. Occasional idleness at home is pleasant; your room is then the only thing occupied. 25. Ingratitude is the cheapest of all vices. 26. A mother is always entitled to respect; if my mother had had no children, I should have had less respect for her.  27. Religion and philosophy are the scales, of which doubt is the beam.  28. Women only know well what they have never been taught. 29. Absence is the razor-strop of affection. 30. If extremes meet do they shake hands? If so, why do not my feet shake hands with my hair? 31. It is imprudent to deposit with your uncle the plate inherited from your aunt. 32. Woman is a fishing line: her eyes are the hooks, her smile is the bait, man is the gudgeon, and love the dripping in which he is fried. 33. In reason swill is not a deed; in law a will is a deed; law is therefore contrary to reason. (The remaining 968 to be given in due course). Swansea.