Widnes Examiner. — 1891-03-28 (Widnes, Cheshire, England)

ATTLICANT—" I would like a position, sir, in your store." Merchant—" Have you any references, young man 1" Applicant—" No,•sir: but I think I would suit you. I have been carefully raised, and my habits are unexceptionable. I have no vices. I don't know one card from another. I don't know what tea, c.offee, tebaCto, or liquor tastes like. Never go out at night. Never saw the inside of a billiard saloon or tenpin alley." Merchant (dubiously)—" I'll take you, young man, but I am afraid I shall not be able to keep you long. You will have a situation as a shining angel before many years— you're too good for such a world as this." IT is related of an impetuous English judge, that, with his usual desire to be expeditious, he once sentenced a convicted murderer to be hanged, and dismissed him without the customary and important closing formula. The clerk reminded him of the omission. " Ah, yes. Quite so," exclaimed the judge. "Bring the prisoner back. Prisoner at the bar, I beg you pardon. May the Lord have mercy on your soul. Remove the prisoner, jailor. Next ease." 5HlO—" I confess, William, that your proposal gives me.pleastge, It would be foolish to pretend that it aoes not, yet--." 11,e —" Yet what 1 What possible objection can you h9.ve to becoming my wife You know that I love you, that laM able to provide for you." " Yes ; but I fear I would be but a sorry 'housewife." "Why so?" "Ilecanse I have never been to a cooking-school." "All the better, dearest; all the better." "All the better?" "Yes. You will stay at home and attend to the cooking, instead of wanting to go out and „ lecture on the culinary art. You are just the kind of wife I want." "Goon gracious, Miss Harriet," exclaimed a young man, slipping hurriedly from the hall into the parlour, "what sort of a man is your father? "About like the average, I guess," she replied coolly; "why do you ask?" "Well he just yelled down, 3tairs to me to bring him up that poultice for his • sore neck, or he would knock off a piece of my jaw. What do I know about it ?" "Did he see you?" she asked in surprise. "Not that I know 0f.." "That 'mounts for it, then," she said in a tone of relief. IHe heard you moving around, and thought it VMS nether. I thought pa wouldn't be impolite to pests in the house." The young man sat down a, !ew minutes and fervently thanked heaven he was iot the girl's mother.  Private comment has been made on a passage in the reports of the Queen's departure,describing how, when her Majesty embarked, she leaned on the arm of an Indian attendant while the Duke of Conaught walked behind. Her Majesty, who ie faithful in her likes as she is pronounced in her aversions, has put the Indian in the platie occupied by the famous John Brown, who for many years watched over his Sovereign's safety with a zeal that was religious in its utter devotedness. The Indian successor to John Brown began to take rank about the time of Jubilee. He is a splendid fellow. Stalwart but, supple, gifted with the courtly dignity that comes natural alike to the well-bred Hindoo or Mahomedan ; hopes also the gentleness of a woman and the reverence of a child. To him the Sovereign is more than Queen of Great Britain. She is also Empress of nearly 300 millions of his fellow-subjects in India. Anyhow, • w his qualities have commended him toer Majesty Mo: CURES OF THROAT Ain)