Northern Weekly Gazette. — 1910-06-04 (Stockton-on-Tees, Cleveland, England)

THE YOKEL'S THEORY.  The situation was by no mc.anr, improved by the appearance at this moment of a country yokel, who grinningly observed Thou'll be the chap wot hangs them on, eh?" Words failed the indignant Fusse, but the. uproarious merriment of the yokel eventually camed him to break forth into a torrent of abuse, and catching sight of my face., o'erspread by a grin, which I had vainly endeavoured to conceal, he became furious.  In a calm and dignified tone of voice I said that "everyone, in a hatsoever position they found themselves, should act like men, and not allow their presence of mind to forsake them." Spluttering the water from his mouth, he gasped that "in his candid opinion I was an idiot, and my presence of wind would be better shown by assisting hini out of the water rather than tinting drivel and grinning like an ape." Stretching forth my hand he grasped it and clambered out of the water with the utmost dignity at his command, but with the aspect of one passing through deep tribulation. With an attempt to console my friend I observed that the water was not cold, and the atmosphere was nice and balmy. My remark seemed to still further exasperate him, and regarding me with a pitying look, he retorted, "that baimy was not a strong enough word to explain the mental state of people who followed this idiotic business."  VP- 1 I I  I then endeavoured to explain that, with reasonable care and precaution, most of the misfortunes of life could be easily avoided. I pointed out how, in the first instance, had he avoided the slippery stone he had not fallen, also exercised reasonable care with the hock he would not have 'been pierced, and that had he walked upon solid earth in the last instance he would have saved himself another wetting, said—  "Rubbish," he interjected roughly; "all the misfortunes of life are caused by being infilienoed by the idiotic drivel of men who believed theniselves sportsmen, and who proved their profound wisdom by pointing out how to avoid misfortunes after they had occurred." He then gave me to understand in unmistakable terms that he was finished there and then with this sport of fools, and taking note that Fume was not in a fit state to be argued with, I gathered together the remains of the tackle, and we commenced our return journey.  In silence we crossed the field we were in, and proceeded to climb a fence which separated us from the highway. Not aware that a rusty nail had conceived an attachment for the rear of his trousers. Fus,se made a spring down from the top of the fence, and the silence was rudely broken by the sound of tearing cloth, and a violent storm of words from my unfortunate friend.  Looking round I observed a square foot of my friend's trousers impaled on the top of the fence fluttering gaily in the breeze. Fusse danced and raved about with such violence as to cause the rabbits quietly feeding down by the side of the hedge to scuttle off to their holes with unwonted activity.  I maintained a discreet silence in regard to this incident, as my friend's look directed toward myself seemed to convey the impression that I was the cause of all his troubles. When silence had been somewhat restored, I regained the truant piece of clothing, and with the iad of a few pins I manged to secure it again in its original position, but with only moderate success.  From this time FusB.e steadlastly set his face homewards, and entirely ignored the questioning looks of the people whom we met, and who seemed surprised at his dilapitated condition. Once, however, a murderous look came into his eyes when passing two urchins, one of whom remarked one to the other, "I bet that chap with the 'broken rod has had some grand sport."  Since that day our friendship has not been of such a hearty nature, although I studiously avoid all reference to angling when in the cornpauy of Fusse.—Roball, Bishop Auckland_