The Blandford and Wimbourne Telegram. — 1884-10-03 (Blandford, Dorset, England)

FROM MISS TO MISTRESS. S',A who fails Mr.. t; chinign for Mlsa. Ills Mr. chance of wedding bile?. But she who changes from Miss to Mrs. Has solved the Mr.y of kisses. When a Miiis Mrs. to kisi a Mr y. A Miss is Maid in modem n history. Tho' a Mks, 'Hs said, is as snod as s mile. When a Miss misses Mrs., Misters do smile.  A St. eitherine's tnada) jury of twelve enlight,ned and thinking men, who were called to judge the facts of a nage wherlin a murder hal prob Ably been doue—iti victim a women—came to the fore with the c-mclusion : Died by the visitution of God under suspicious circuruetaccee.___. . .  . Mr. Whackem, a fiery schoolmaster, lost anoth,r scholar yesterday. The elm,' waa parsing a pentenc.. What ia the imperative of the verb to go T Paid Wackent to Johnny Frizz.4lt.m. I don't kno... Go I shout .t 1 Wacketa. Thank you, sir, replied Johnny, ani ho we+ two streets oft before the tsacher could c Itch his jr ath. _ . .  Flunkey: I hag your par lon, sir, hut there its one thing T shouln like to mention at one'. lam afr rid—l—that lam expected to clean the boots? Gentleman : Bless me, oh. dosr no I There must be some mistake. I always clean them myself, and if you will leave your shoes outside the dcor I will give them a polish at the statue time. A scientist says thnt the reason kissing is en pleasant ia because the teeth, jaw-bones, and lips are full of DRIVOF, and when the lips meet an electrical current is generated. He should explain why it is the electric current. does not work when he kisses his mother-in-law to please hie wife. Science cannot ',nest our religious notions about kissing. When Robert Hall, the celebrated preacher, v 83 much pressed hy a minister who had been holding forth b, fore him, and who had accompanied hbu into the vestry, to say what particular passage he mot admired (in the disconrs. ) the wit at length r aluctantly disposal of the imnortun de vanity by saying, the passage from the pulpit to the vestry. The young lady who badly wounded her SIMI with a pin while embracing a femali friend a few days ago has no doubt been taught a wholesome lesson. Gne might embrace gentlemen frienis all day wilhont scratching their arms with pins. M n don't wear pins about the neck—rxtrept, thrh ton, old bschelore, who, when a rt al collar button flies off, are obliged to utilise R pin in its stead. Bit sir's are not expected to hug old llechetors. In disc riming the mr ther-inslaw qoetion, the B tst Transcript calls tett mtion to the fact that there was one married men who never had a mother-in-law. His name was Adam, and he h ain't been mantis I twenty-Tour hours before he got into trouble. U he bad bad a mother-in-law she would have kept a close watch over the apples and neither Eve nor Adam would have got a chaeco at them. What coloured frame will you have, ma'am? inquired a shopman of a lady who hid called to have her proapective husband's pieture framed. Well, you ought Co know m ,r.. about it then I, arts th toit'm reply. I want a frame thet will match the plc me. Cle, of ma'am, said the dealer, selecting one from the large assortment. How would a green one do? That man has never discovered to this day why that woman got out BO quicklr, leering the door on a wide jar.