The Haslingden Gazette. — 1904-09-24 (Haslingden, Lancashire, England)

WHAT HZ WOULD LIKE TO KNOW.  If Stanley hadn't to put tn all they knew to Nat the Rovers' Reaerve laat Saturday? - • •  H the Rovers' shooting had been anything decent they should have got four or five goals? If McGregor wasn't a busy man between the sticks/  If the improvement of the ground hasn't made Stanley's chalices worse, especially against the strong resenv teams? What about Heat.n's exclusion for to-day? Is he injured or is he dropped? If he hasn't got seven goals out of the ten Stanley have uored this season? If Liverpc-ol won't be too good for Stanley today:  If the Blackburn Rovers this season are not shoeing something like their old form of years and year ago!  _ If young Bradshaw is not thought a lot of in Blackburn. If he wouldn't be very welcome in the Stanley half-back line at present': If the Blackburn Rovers are not the only club in the League who have not had a goal scored against them. If the " Whistlers" didn't do a good performance by beating Color. and at Colne. too? If they urn not "dying" to meet Stanley? If the Stanley committee are not on the prowl for one or two recruits?  If the left full-hack of Bolton Reserve isn't worth a bit of nibbling after? Who wore those Accrington cricket enthusiasts enjoying themselves down Sawky way? If they didn't land bark very early. considering it was only a half-day picnic?  If the blind man of .Sawley didn't say they were the jolliest set of fellows he had ever "seen"? If Fred Whittaker, of the Queen's, didn't knock 'em with his song. '' Hail Jerusalem..? If one member of the party didn't lick all the others at singing, dancing, walking, and billiards? If Accrington didn't look quite a. military tone last Sunday when the Mayor was presenting the clasps to the Volunteers who had served in South A frica  If a testimonial or tablet should not be sub. ,cribed for, upon which could be inscribed the Lames of those who so willingly went out to servo their country:  If it ha, not been done in other town.?  Who going to be next year's Mayor? If it isn't about time we had another Conserva• Live for the honour!  •Fsta. must possess a broad back indeed, or it srould never be able to shoulder all the burdens that are thrust upon it.  Do not think that bocause you have done • kind act once in your life the public owes you an everlasting debt of gratitude. What in the difference between a fool and a looking-glass P—Why, tie fool speak without reflecting, and the looking-glass reflects nit/rout speaking. Tommy: "Flow does Jimmy like his new work?" Johnny: "at. he says there's nothin' the matter with it except the pay an the hours an' the work." -• . . She: "D • you knOw:that lady in the far corner?" 11e. "In a way; I have a listening acquaintance with her." "1 d lit bAleve I understand you, sir." "She is my wife." "How did Mrs. Sing, secure husleinda for all Iter to bghtera ?" "Sho gave the impression that she was on bad terms with them, and would never visit them after marriage."  Mr. Softly : "1 feel—aw—vewy strongly tempted to blow Gilt my bwains." M.ss Cutting : "What a pity nature has put such a tragedy out of the bounds of pos +• hi ty !" A contemporary arks: "Does :hanging prevent murder?" Our opinion is that it does. There is not a case on ren-ird of a person committing murder after being successfully hanged.  "Mary, did anyono call wt!le / was out?* "Yes. 11r. Snooks." "Mr. Snooks—Snooks P don't know any,. of tat ionic." "Probably not, mum; he called to one ace."  "i see Newlywed at the Country Club quite often since his baby Mute. I tlionglit he was firmly anchored to a home life." "lie was, but at the first squall he ;HNTit to drug Ii $ anzilor." "Ton are Ma. Quere.m, the husband of the celebrated loct. 's on cookery, are you not 2" "Yes, sir,” replied the dejected, hollow-eyed MO. "I an. the man elm tries her new dish's (AC' "I'll have you know, stranger. that I belong to Chicago!" said the Yankee. "'Deed, an' wha'd hoe thocht it?" qiuuili the sceptic Scot. "Fraa the way ye'vn been sneaking I thocht Chicago belonged ae you."