Bridport, Beaminster, and Lyme Regis Telegram and Dorset, Somerset, and Devon Advertiser. — 1883-06-01 (Bridport, Dorset, England)

HEARD ON THE HILL.  tick : What'll win? Why, it is all hover, bar the shouting. 'Arry : Lor, flow! and how do you know that? Dick 'Ow do I know that ?—why, from reliable h. formation ; tirtt's 'ow I know that. A cove wot's in the said, and on •ht to know his way about, seeing he has been fined at Low-street for assaulting the Police, '0 'card L ,rd Falmouth say to Harcher, 0 I'll stand you the best dinner that no:ley can procure, if you gets his 'sad in fro• t." So '..re goe my money on Gallihard. 'Arry: And :nine. Lor, what a lot you know! You w,ren't yesterday 1  Fist Sporting Prophet What have you gone for, old won? Second Sporting Prophet Beau Brummel and Lad isles. rd you? First sp,rting Prophet: Galrard and The Prince. Sc onl Sp ,rting Prophet: Ah ! And backed them? Prot Stiorting Prophet: Me! No; I have got a pile un Splendor. \ Vhat do you fancy yourself? Second Sportiog Prophet : Ilantako carries my money.  Our Cheerful Punter : What have you done, Charlie? Charlmi his Friend: Backed every beast in the race. Our Cheerful Punter : What will do you most good? Charles his Friend: Nothing will do me any good. Whatever horse wins I must lose.  Green: Here is my ticket. I want 27 Brown of Sheffield : You want a 10s. I Veil, I 'epee as 'ow you'll get it. But you have no chance 'see; so cut. Green : But I made ths bet with !rim. Brown of Sh:ffield: 1 loathes a thief, but I 'ate a liar. Let's ,ee your ticket. There it is, in nice small pieces. Now, you 'ook, brf.re I send for the Police. Look 'Cr., this lunnoceut cove h.s been trying a ramp on ! _ . __..... . . .  Crowd Welber! Kill him!. Welsher !. Gram : GeLtlemen, Gentlemen, you are pulling me to pieces! I must really protest. Please do not knock my hat over my bead like that. I do wish you wonld not tear my clothes to ribancls. They are the best suit I have. Oh! who haa been ungentlemanly enough to break my nose and front teeth? Help! Murder! Police!  Confidential Friend: Is it all right? Upright and Honest Jockey: We ain't trying a yard to-day.  Sportsman: How dirl you come down, old Chappia ? Masher: Don' know, don' care. Sportsman: But you must know whether you cams down by the road or raiL Maher: But I don't. Awful jolly. Heapsh of Boy, cap'al party. 'Ave drink! Where are we ? Letsh and see trorshes come out of stage door 1  Introduced: Oh, I say, you know that capital fellow you introduced me to. I have backed The Prince with him. Introducer: I don't think you were wise to do that. Introduced: But von said it was all right. Introducer: Wefl, as all right as anybody is nowa• days. Introeuced : How do you mean? Introducer: Well, he'll worry you like mad for the money if you lose, and he is certain not to settle if you win.  First Unknown: What, you here? Second Unknown: Hush! I am in London, on bullies' connected with the parish. First Unknown: Ah, lam at a May meeting. Bel what's the matter? Second Unknown: I thought I saw my Curate over there.  Simplemninded Individual: There, you fellows, while you've been gndding about, I have arranged the sweep beautifully. You've got a blank, Jones ;so you have. Brown; you've got Prince Maurice. Switn; yqu've got Remake, Robinson; you've got Tyndrtun, Jackson; you've got Newfield, Thompson. I have drawn The Prince, Ladislas, Galliard, and the Field. Ilaun't we better have lunch  -Disconsolate Plunger: Hang the horses! Well, it's got to come out of somebody's pocket, if a church has got to be robbed. I don't care.  [From Funny "W.]  THE Derby was won by Sir F. Johnstone' s "St. Blaiee "—hence a perfect Blame of glory (which naturally accounts for its having been such a Blaise-ing hot day).  IT is difficult to find an instance of more practical irony than the Amalgamated Society of Railway Servants investing £5,000 in railway stocks. In time, they might control a line, and then turn the tables with a wings. 111103.  A