The Central Glamorgan Gazette, and General, Commercial, and Agricultural Advertiser. — 1884-04-18 (Bridgend, Mid Glamorgan, Wales)

ILIDDLZ-AGED spinster, at a recent Woman's Rights Convention, said she did not care about female suffrage, unless it carried with it the right to nuthe proposals of marriage. "You little rascal, what are you doing with that cigar ?" exclaimed a father, addressing his sou. "Ma said, if I hit the cat again, she'd make me smoke' ; an' I hit her again; and I'm smoking." Waits the papers speak of the prize-ring they mean the circle in which a prize-fight is held, but the girls will have it that the real prize-ring is the little golden band to signify their engage. ment. Doss hanging diminiih the number of murders ?" shrieks a contemporary opposed to capital punishment. It may not, but there is one thing certain, it diminishes the number of murderers. "You bachelors ought to be taxed," said Miss Laehlord to a resolute evader of the noose matrimonial. " I agree with you perfectly, ma'am," was the reply; " for bachelorism certainly is a ; luxury." A ortimmutz having a deaf servant, wins advised by a friend to discharge her. "No, no," replied the gentleman, with much good feeling ; "that pool creature could never hear of another situation." "No, I don't want to give anything to the heathen to-day. I just gave the woman next door a piece of my mind about her boy that broke down my plants. That's all I can afford to the heathen just now." THEHIC IS still a grievance—During a very wet summer a gentleman ventured to congratulate his umbrella-maker. "Yes, that's all very wel:, Sr," he replied; "but then there's nothing whatever doing in parasol.!" "A wasr-courrat M.F.R. asserts," writes a sporting contemporary, "that • man's after-dinner description of a fence he has jumped is no more a criterion of its size than a hen's cackling of the dimensions of an egg." A LADY hired a Western country girl for family "help," and wassurprised to see her poke her 11e3,1 Into the parlour one afternoon when visitors were present, and ask, "Mann, did you call ju,t I thought I heard a yell." Az address to Uharles 11. who was noted for his ready wit, prayed that his Majesty might live RI long as the sun, moon, and stars should eadure. "Faith," said the king, "11 I do, my successor will have to reign by candle light." MA.sma, instructing a class of young girls: "I told you, young ladies, at the last lesson that man's brain is larger than woman's. What would you deduce from the fact, Miss Smith?" Pupil: "That with the brain, as with many other things, all depends not on the quantity, but the quality." REPBoo7—Astookbroker, passing along the si mot, surprised a ten-year. old urchin with his hand 'ii his—the stockbroker's •pocket, attempting to perform the handkereLtef-trick. " You young scoundrel !" he exclaimed with severity. ' Are you not ashamed of yourself to steal—at your age) " ENGLISH SA she is not spoke—An advertisement of one of its hotel-keepers says that Nice has of tato become "so noisome" as to be almost "unbearable." This is only the proprietreret's w:ty of saying that there is an increase of traffic in the town, wherefore she has taken a new house "hat from the bustle." Women.; a gentleman of the name of Kane was arraigned before a facetious justice by a sergeant of police with, "Very dhrunk, yeT worship. Gave the police a dale of thrubble. ' The lawgiver looked down upon the prisoner and then at the charge sheet, and as the name struck his e e he said, "Oh, you're Kane, are you? Are you the man that slew your brother r'—"No, your honour," said the accused; "I'm the man that was slowed." "Ah !" responded the megistrat,.: " then you'll be further ;dewed for five shillings or three days."  KEATING'S COUGH LOZENGES Clare COUghl, Asthma, Bronchitis.—Medical testimony states that no other medicine is so effectual in the cure of these dangerous maladies. On. Lozenge alone gives ease, one or two at bed-time ensures rest. For relieving diffionity of breathing they are invaluable. Sold by all Chemists, in tins, 1/14 and 2/9 each. 2815