So............... Boring................ . Here are some interesting facts relating to "Heat" and myself:    LENGTH OF FILM:  547 Minutes  NUMBER OF CHARACTERS IN FILM:  231  NUMBER OF INTERESTING OCCURRENCES: 0  NUMBER OF MINUTES I WAS INVOLVED/ENTERTAINED BY THIS FILM: 0  NUMBER OF TIMES I'VE STARTED WATCHING THIS FILM, THEN STOPPED: 5-6     Truth be told, I've never actually watched "Heat" in its entirety.  I've seen almost all of it, and many parts of it multiple times, but never all the way through.  (In fact, I think I probably have seen absolutely all of it, considering how many scenes I distinctly recall seeing repeatedly, but I can't be sure.)  Anyway, I'll be sitting there trying to watch it and I just can't do it.  It's so damn boring, and the thought of me being this bored for the next 8 hours is just too much and I have to do something else.  Like randomly flip through the channels for the next couple hours.  Maybe just stare at the walls and think.  Mow the lawn, perhaps .  Do some dishes. Clip my toe nails. Anything.  (I hasten to add, however, that its extreme length isn't really "Heat"s problem.  It's all boring.  Cut it down to 100 minutes and it would still be really boring, just not for as long.  Which would make it about twice as good, actually, but we're talking about such a small baseline that the difference wouldn't be terribly perceptible.)    And it's not like this thing isn't up my alley.  People I trust and who have good taste tell me it's good and  I like crime-dramas.  It has a generally excellent cast. But then I'll be looking at the screen and not one thing, not one thing will happen that makes me want to keep looking at it.  And so I stop.  I'd like to be more specific, but it's pretty damn hard to say why a film isn't involving.  It's tough to describe a lack.  Probably it has something to do with the film having so much going on that it doesn't really have time to get into anything.  I especially like how Pacino's stepdaughter tries to off herself, yet we've only seen her on screen for like 2 minutes.  Why would I care? Pacino's marriage is failing, you say?  Why would I care? Pacino and De Niro have tedious conversations with one another.  Oh boy.  It's also hurt by their making Pacino a cop.  He doesn't much work as a good guy.  Furthermore, the action scenes are dull as hell.  Also, one of the major themes of the film is about how cop and robber are two sides of the same coin.  For other examples of this see every other cop drama ever made, particularly the ones that suck.  (This observation, by the way, comes from the film "Adaptation", and though it didn't specifically refer to "Heat" it totally applies.  On a related note, "The 3" would be about 1000 times more entertaining than "Heat", were someone to make it.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, be sure to check out "Adaptation".  It's a good example of a film that ISN'T really sucky and boring.)       Unlike some things I dislike I feel no animosity towards those who think "Heat" is great, though I can't help but suspect that many of them were expecting a great movie, and so they got one at least in their heads.  It's got Pacino and De Niro together!  It's so damned long, complicated, self-important and humorless!  It superficially resembles great films from the past!  4 stars!!  I realize that this is unfair of me and I hate it when other people try and explain the hidden, false meanings why I like whatever movie they don't like, but it's what I think, and if that makes me a hypocrite, which it does, well, I can't change that.  And besides, it's always possible that I'm right....  If in 20 years "Heat" is largely forgotten we can assume that I'm correct.  If not I'll watch it again, this time all the way through, and we'll see if I've changed my mind, and we'll finally know if everyone else was deluded or if I'm just a stupid freak who differed from most of the other wise viewers on this one.  Get back to me in 2026.  Perhaps we'll have to make it 2031, cause the idea of me watching any of this movie again within the next 2 decades makes me a bit antsy.  I need some more breathing room.    But til then, the hell with "Heat".  I'll just watch "Taxi Driver" or "The Godfather" or "Goodfellas" or "The Departed" or whatever again.  Just about anything will do, actually, regardless of quality or genre as long as it's shorter than "Heat".
Output: NEG