"What does it mean? It makes no sense." . Fifty-five minutes into this film, after Freya (Jane March) listens to the Beast's explanation of his current condition--it is the punishment of Odin for killing a bear--she says, "What does it mean? It makes no sense."     Although there is still half an hour yet to come, these eight words pretty much sum up this low-budget variant of "Beauty and the Beast." The very title BLOOD OF BEASTS (plural) makes no sense. The film shows us only one beast--a kind of man-bear--and he is a revived and metamorphosed version of Odin's pet bear, blended or fused with the man who killed it. Academic scholars might argue that swaggering-but-cowardly Sven (played by William Gregory Lee) is a kind of beast as well (thus giving us TWO beasts), but we have no way of knowing what the writer and director intended. Most likely the title was devised by somebody in the marketing department who had not seen the film. Surely the blurb on the back of the DVD's hard case was written by another marketing person who never watched it either; e.g., it is untrue that Freya "must undertake a deadly battle when her father and fiance are captured by a tormented monster . . . cast out by his people." Nor is it true that "the Beast [singular] . . . battles with Freya for his redemption." Further, expect no truth in these grand-sounding words: "Prepare for the ultimate tale of love and sacrifice, damnation and salvation." BTW, the front of the hard case has a fake sepia picture of Jane March/Freya shooting an arrow in an impossible manner: the arrow's shaft is two or three inches ABOVE her hand that's gripping the bow.     With one exception, the acting is a perfect match for the script: laughably poor. The exception is the Beast (played by David Dukas). One is tempted to quip that only this role has "teeth"; the fact is that only his role permits audio engineers (or whoever) to enhance the actor's voice electronically, only his role required serious make-up, and only his role required a "special effect" (his morphing back to Agnar, which every semi-conscious viewer, by a third of the way into the film, knew was coming).     Other viewers have commented on the comical tropical setting of this Viking saga and the laughable "ships." Most preposterous is the tiny skiff that Freya and Ingrid (Candice Hillebrand) use to rescue King Thorsson (Greg Melvill-Smith). On the island, the Beast possesses an iron cage (which clearly has been welded together using 20th- or 21st-century equipment); when the king is confined in it, it can only be secured from the outside--and yet, when Freya is put inside it for her own protection at night, only she has control of its locking device. How convenient.     The costumes are also anacronistically interesting, but only Ms. March's deserve extended comment. When we first see her, she is wearing a little black Viking bikini as she swims with friends; then, besides flimsy chain mail, we see her in an array of gowns that seem to be fashoned from finely woven or knit fabrics--the final one being most noteworthy for its sequined molded push-up bra-top.     Lest this review seem too harsh, a few individuals connected with this film deserve special mention for their outstanding contributions: Mark Thomas, who composed the Viking music; Rob Bishop, one of the focus pullers; Ryan Lotter and Steven Ndlovu, two clapper loaders; Andrew Gribble, a grip; Ben Phiri, the generator operator; Guy Bonner, transport manager; Johannes Sithole, fabrication assistant; Kirsty Taylor, prosthetics; Maxmillian van der Merwe, standby set dresser; Dirk Knoesen, stand-by [sic] carpenter; Sally van der Merwe, scenic artists [sic]; Janine Wyatt-Mair, stunt performer; Grace Sibiyo, seamstress; Diane Allen, hair supervisor; Bianca, trainee make-up assistant; Ian Thysse, medic; and Mark Ferda, who did double duty as both dialogue editor AND re-recording mixer.     Oh, one more thing: after coming out of her cage in the morning, Jane March SEEMS to have a nude swim in the sea, which the poor Beast views from hiding, far-far-far away
Output: NEG