A room in the War Office on 1 April 1912. General Mitchener is in a state of considerable anxiety about the number of Suffragettes chaining themselves to government buildings. He has had all the railings removed, but is informed by an orderly that another suffragette has padlocked herself to the door scraper. Surprisingly, he has received a letter from the Prime Minister, Balsquith, telling him to release the woman and let her into the building. When he does so, he learns that this suffragette is none other than the Prime Minister himself, disguised as a woman. As he tried to get to the War Office, there were so many suffragettes chasing him that he thought the safest option was to pretend to be one of them. Balsquith informs Mitchener that his arch-rival General Sandstone has resigned from the government, since his plan of creating a male-only exclusion zone of two miles around Westminster has failed. Women are refusing to leave. Mitchener is in favour of the plan, offering Balsquith his usual advice: "shoot them down". Balsquith says events are getting out of control. Already a pro-suffrage curate has been flogged by an army lieutenant, who fails to realise that the curate has aunts in the peerage. Britain needs to concentrate on the threat of German rearmament, but is distracted by these domestic issues.
Mitchener says that the solution to the German problem is simple - shoot them down. Balsquith points out that the Germans might shoot back. Mitchener says he's been wanting to invade them for years. Britain needs to think ahead. Soon it may be possible to travel to the moon, and if the Germans get there first there is a real prospect of a "German moon". Meanwhile, he suggests that the lieutenant should be flogged in reprisal for his actions, but Balsquith reminds him that the man's father donated a large sum to party funds. He suggests that Mitchener should charm one of the aunts, Lady Richmond, and offer to promote the curate. The General asks his housekeeper Mrs Farrell to find a uniform for him, as he needs to look his best to see Lady Richmond. It should be one befitting a hero who has risked his life in battle. Mrs Farrell says she has risked hers giving birth to eight children; risking life to create more life is better than risking it to destroy the lives of others.
The orderly announces that Mrs Banger and Lady Corinthia Fanshawe, leaders of the anti-suffrage movement, have arrived. Balsquith, he says, fled as soon as he saw them. Mitchener is shocked by the orderly's derogatory comments about the Prime Minister, but the orderly tells him that he wouldn't be in the army if it weren't for conscription, and now that he is, he trusts sergeants more than generals. Mitchener orders the orderly to arrest himself for insubordination. Mrs Banger and Lady Corinthia enter. They declare that the men have failed to defeat the suffragettes. New tactics are needed. Mrs Banger says that the suffragettes have got it all wrong. Women don't want to vote, they want to join the army. In fact most great leaders, including Bismarck and Napoleon, were women in disguise. Lady Corinthia, in contrast, believes that women should control men by using feminine glamour and charm. Giving votes to women will ensure that the ugly and dowdy ones will be as powerful as charming beauties such as herself, which is outrageous.
Mitchener is so shocked by the arguments of Mrs Banger and Lady Corinthia that he decides he is now in favour of votes for women. Mrs Banger says she will try to get Sandstone's support. After she leaves Balsquith reappears and says that the government is cracking. The Liberals and the Labour party have declared support for women's suffrage. Mitchener says he must now withdraw his support, since he cannot be seen to bow to pressure. The orderly returns with news that General Sandstone has been forced by Mrs Banger to allow women to join the army. Further, Mrs Banger's tactic of sitting on the general's head until he gives in has so impressed Sandstone that he's proposed marriage to her. Mitchener decides that he will marry the only sensible woman he knows, Mrs Farrell. Mrs Farrell only agrees after consulting her daughter, a variety performer who is engaged to the son of a Duke. Lady Corintha is left with Balsquith, but he insists that he does not wish to marry. She says that she too does not want marriage, which is far too vulgar. She must fulfil her destiny to be his "Egeria", or behind-the-scenes advisor. The orderly is promoted to the rank of lieutenant, as he is too incompetent to be a sergeant.
Output: What is Mitchener's standard solution to problems?