niryuu/sni-each-converted huggingface dataset:
Mrs. Crimpcrumper, can I ask you, is there any specific rule against taking a bunch of donuts from the premises and taking them home?
Output: I'm glad you asked, because we have no such rule. Well, if it's as big as a carry on in an airplane, you can bring it and fill it with doughnuts. But nothing bigger, so I guess we do actually have a rule.
This is not in any of the books I remember. We're going to really have to dig deep here.
Output: I forgot to give you those other books with information about psychosis in them. Sorry.
You know, when you first started that sentence, I was pretty sure you were crazy. But by the end of it, I realized you were probably telling the truth.
Output: Oh yeah, it's the truth. Why do you always think we're lying, Rodney? We were only told to lie about our age and our weight.
How do I get out of here?
Output: There's a series of socioeconomic things in place that are preventing you from getting out of it. You can find a way to make space for yourself within it.
I just think it's reprehensible, what you did, and you should have to relive it every day of your life.
Output: You seem tense. Let me give you a massage.
Reverend St. Augustine, we want to put your tel-evangelical program on national network.
Output: Big surprise! Look at those eyes! Want a burger and some fries?
We're a bike shop. And we don't carry gas bikes. So you are correct, we don't sell gas.
Output: We're thinking about getting them, though. So if you want to check back, I'll give you one of our cards.
I'm a little unsure how an ant farm would turn a profit. Seems like they are just a weird little nasty, smelly thing in a kids bedroom.
Output: Well, that's a typical ant farm. This of course will be an amazing cosmopolitan ant farm with all kinds of views.
I'm Annette.
Output: What a pretty name. My daughter's name is Annette, too.
I'll go to the party, be very charming and speak to everyone.
Output: How are you going to go to the party, they told you if you ever came back they would put your dentures somewhere...unpleasant.
We take out an ad in the Penny Saver and we say to bring in your photos to be developed, digital or otherwise and the best photo wins $1 million dollars, but by then we'll have made $1 million dollars or more.
Output: Oh, this makes a lot of sense. This is the best idea yet. I think offering this contest money could really work.
I was thinking about getting chicken fingers for lunch.
Output: Fantastic chicken fingers. That's an anytime snack
I'm going to hold you two for murder.  I've got a couple of dead hobo drifters right here on the sidewalk.
Output: But it was self defense.
You guys, we're not Thomas and Laront.
Output: But, people don't lie. How could that be?
I feel like I did a terrible job out on the court. I was a sloppy, sloppy mess.
Output: You did fall down a lot, LeBron.
Okay, walk with me.
Output: I'll walk to the very city limits, but no further.
Okay, there's a guy in shades, and a lady with a droopy elbow.
Output: She looks like an idiot. It's hilarious.
The situation was we had an option between the blue notebook or the green one. I purchased both so that there would be no incident of disappointment over chosen color.
Output: Thank you, officer.
Dad, I just wish you would let me choose my own music. I have really good taste and I just feel like you need to give me this liberty to do my own stuff?
Output: You can buy your own music when you get a job.
Oh, I thought you were a mobster. You've got a real strong Italian look to you.
Output: I am Italian, as a matter of fact. My name is Ray.
Did you want to join the coin tossing league?
Output: Yeah, I'm here. Retired a couple weeks ago and finding myself just kind of, I don't know, looking for hobbies.
So, you can see that Mary Sue has a long history here at the Grand Ole Opry.
Output: Wow, I can't believe that was so long ago and yet you're still just 25.
Secrets, secrets must be kept. Secrets, secrets, I'm gonna murder you.
Output: Just so you know, we can hear you guys threatening each other.
I was on a roll, but it's all pennies. You win pennies at a penny slot.
Output: How many pennies have you won?
What if I want to serve a buffalo?
Output: If you want to serve a buffalo, I hope you got a good elephant man on call.
I'm going to go back to the break room if you guys need me. But, don't need me.
Output: I don't think that we will. Thank you very much.
We pray in there.  We pray in there.  It's our place of solitude.  Our sanctuary.  We pray that God will forgive us for all of our swears.
Output: Well, maybe that's why God's throwing you down to Hell because you're not going to a church.
Come, before we march out in opening ceremonies, I have little vial of juice for you to drink. Let's say it's apple juice. This is clear apple juice, don't worry it has no additive colors or anything like that. And you'll drink it with a syringe in your arm.
Output: I have spent me entire life only training in my event and have very little knowledge of the world. I was given a list of things to steer clear of, and I wonder if "juice from a competing athlete administered through a needle" was on the list.
I just painted that painting like a half hour ago.
Output: It wasn't on a public wall, it was on someone's house.
I'm worried about your excessive rosé wine drinking because it's very hot out today.
Output: I'm sweating it out, you can see the vapors coming off of me.
The man is drunk. You two were having an affair and you used a binder and all of a sudden it was OK.
Output: We had very significant findings.
It's a chimichurri. It's not really a soup, I guess.
Output: It's an olive oil based sauce?
I could have sworn I heard a human sneeze.
Output: Oh, yes. That is Carolyn, who is human.
Do we go on the set now, Charlene? Or how does it work?
Output: You can do what ever you want as far as I'm concerned, whatever you mother fucking want. I'm not calling the shots on this one.
Last time you rats of Nim came in, is when the king was allowed to disappear.
Output: I can't figure out if it's a coincidence or if you're blaming us.
Greg, I know this is a strange request - could you make a little divot in the final hole and I could rest my head in there. My open mouth would be the final hole. 
Output: You want your body implanted into the ground so flat that a call can roll over it and into your mouth.
Five stars.  I'm so scared of these guys giving me a bad rating.
Output: I told you, it's a co dependent relationship.
All babies are cute. Nature designed it that way.
Output: But some are cuter than others. You're a very cute baby. You have good hair for a baby.
We're a little shorthanded at the moment 'cause i just fired someone.
Output: Go ahead and fire me, enjoy your pampered life. I'm about to see how real America works.
Tammy, you've got the strongest legs. That's why you're on the bottom of the three of us in the trench coat.
Output: Yeah, but I have the weakest shoulders. I'm sorry, I'm having second thoughts.
We're going go need tickets to the game or we're going to kill you and all your friends.
Output: We'll do it with these rubix cubes.
I'm going to kill you so slowly, but before I do, I dare you to have a child on your own. I dare you to put that pressure on yourself.
Output: I'll have a child any time I want, but it won't call me no God damn Dirt God.
OK, you're a light skinned Jamal. I didn't know.
Output: I'm fully white. My friends call me white Jamal.
Mr. Millionaire, is there room in your carnival for a tapeworm who juggles?
Output: I tell you what, I'll give him a trial run. My carnival barker will announce that tapeworm and I want to see him show me the show of my life.
Dr. Hawaii's office, may I help you?
Output: I reckon my smart phone just called you. Are you in the Eudora area?
About 25 years ago, he was here. He got an everything bagel with schmear.
Output: Oh, I remember him. I remember everyone by their bagel order.
I'm the white angel. I'm here to show you that you have something happening in the present.
Output: Yeah, this right now. You're talking to me.
Mr. Mitierry, your advice is so good.  We are selling all sorts of concessions.  People are so curious about what they hear from word of mouth!
Output: Don't thank me.  Thank your suppliers.  They're an important part of every chain.
Yes, I understand that the staff here, we're all wearing t-shirts that say rosé-all-day. But hey, it's 11am and this would be your 7th.
Output: Well, I'm behind then.
Yes, Mr. McGonigal? Did you call me?
Output: Please, just call me father.
Are you a hologram? Whose real and what's there?
Output: That's right, I've been tracking the Lunds, I've been tracking them for years now, and my career is taking a nose dive, well I couldn't handle it, I needed the money for my condo, so I've been following you and i followed you here.
His mystery books are like "what genre is it?" You don't know until you read it.
Output: That's right, and I have a grand plan, much like Sue Grafton and her alphabet series. I'm going to write one million books. I'm going to write it with the former president, Bill Clinton. It's called One is for Murder.
Claptrap, did you notice there are no zombies around? It seems like the whole town is quiet.
Output: Yeah, I did notice that. But I wasn't going to say nothing because I've been criticized for having thoughts in the past.
OK. What are you doing right now, Monica?
Output: Well, right now, I'm here with y'all.
So, Tracy, how long have you and Tony been going out?
Output: Tracy and Tony, we like to refer to us in third person. Tracy and Tony been together for so long, on again and off again in addition to being off and a lot of on sometimes.
I've been thinking. I know it's dark in here, I'm announcing who I am so when people hear me speak they know who it is.?
Output: I always know you're talking to me 'cause it's aimed in my general direction and your breath hits my face.
Listen, Cal? Can I tell you something?
Output: Sure, Rudy. I've heard all of your stories so many times before. You tell me the same stories.
Not to rain on the parade, but with the Madison Sphere Garden, lots of people died.
Output: I think it was ambitious to begin with the motorcycle show.
Look Tammy, I have lived in the midwest all my life. Traffic is traffic. There's nothing you could do about it.
Output: Well, you can get your things together like I told you. We needed to leave the house at 5:22PM.
Remember that we're adults and we can physically overpower these kids and probably just knock this fence down.
Output: I've always wanted to fight kids. What are we waiting for?
Are you lost too?
Output: I guess I am, yeah. I was kind of hoping that I wasn't, but I'm pretty sure I've been by here before.
In truth, it has been scientifically proven that Jesus exists in every dimension.
Output: Did he have to get killed in every dimension?
You know this cockroach?
Output: Yeah, he was here when I founded the place.
I never get to sing on stage because of my horrendous voice.
Output: Well, if you're gonna sing, get on with it.
Hey, don't call me Junior. My name's Junebug.
Output: If I were you I'd prefer Junior. Just saying.
It's my birthday today, Tyler. I bet you like birthdays.
Output: I love birthdays. I have one at least once a year.
That's right!  There's a hotel inside of the hospital inside of the convention center!  It's a business inside a business inside a business!
Output: It's only three rooms, but they still need a detective.
That's Ari, he's very confused.
Output: I've seen him walking around ever since like ten years ago.
Papa, aren't we living a double life?
Output: We are living the life that we have been granted by God.
Could you guys keep it down? I'm trying to watch Yngwie Malmsteen.
Output: Sorry, we thought we moved to the part of the seating, where we didn't have to worry about being loud.
We're in a whale's belly, how much worse can it get?
Output: That's positive thinking, Craig. Things can only get better from here.
Excuse me, Emily?  Are you one of the contenders for the UFC Championship?
Output: I'm the number one contender.  They call me Cincinnati Emily, The Ohio Crusher, and I can make a grown man weep with fear.
This is going to be the greatest play of all time.
Output: You're saying like we're going to get play ratings through the roof.
Y'all are only 48? Hard living, I guess. The logging life.
Output: We've been working since we was 14. Out there in the trees.
Mr. Farmer, you're kind of a legend around here.
Output: We saw that painting of you in town. It was beautiful.
My name is Alexandra McCormick and I open my home to have Ted Talks for people.
Output: I don't respect you and I can very confidently say I never will.
Jim, you look like the saddest reindeer in the barn. What do you really want for Christmas this year?
Output: Well, Dr. Santa. I wish that this could be another place that's not Freeport, Illinois.
The reason I can't go out in the rain is because of this hair style. I'm a hair model.
Output: You are? Oh my god. You really have a good reason for not go wanting to get wet. I just have that disease that if you get water on your skin, it burns.
You didn't notice that we are flying children?
Output: I noticed it but thought what was really distinctive about these kids is their enthusiasm.
Sir, you don't look wealthy.
Output: Don't I? Well, I'm wearing a top hat and a monocle and holding a bag with a dollar sign on it.
I am a maker of mischief, but I only do things that the boys want to do.
Output: So the boys are sort of complicit. I retract my apology.
Why mama? What good will reading ever do me?
Output: Well, one day - hopefully - you'll be a proper man. You'll be in charge of people, maybe run a large chain of jewelry stores.
Maybe if you went on a double date with us we'd be able to free your souls.
Output: Well, see, the problem is we can't really go on double dates with living people. But, if you guys killed yourselves. We would be good.
Maybe coming to Bubba Gump Shrimp was what we wanted and not what the girls wanted.
Output: I completely forgot that Barbara was allergic to coconut and we ordered all that coconut shrimp.
Herman, your son is the worst. He's a terrible spy.
Output: I know. Frankly, he lost me when he started singing Outkast.
Did you say you have $10 Million?
Output: Oh, did I say that out loud? It's just something I can't stop thinking about.
You look pale as a ghost, Brandon.
Output: Yeah, everything's great though. So, don't even worry. I got that two topper right there and I gotta take care of them.
Yeah, guys, what are you standing around for? We need you to make those jerseys.
Output: Sure thing, Skip.
I suggest a new jewelry line with filigree, perhaps. Everyone likes filigree.
Output: What about colored stones? People enjoy that. Like ruby or sapphire.
You look to be a girl of about 15 year old.
Output: I'm 16. I got married when I was 6, and that's fine in Miami.
We'll have a bus go to DC, pick a bunch of assholes up, bring them here and then you'll kill each and every one of them.
Output: I've got no problem with that plan. It will be my pleasure.
I could buy some more condoms with my money. Unused ones this time.
Output: Guess what? If this works out, I'll buy you the condoms.
We do our trapeze act on stilts.
Output: That's sort of the problem, nobody likes it.
Honey, this whole bar is going to miss you.  Danny, Pete, TJ, and Fudge Man. 
We're all going to miss you.
Output: Yeah, Fudge Man.  We had such a contentious relationship, but in the end, I truly feel that we have such a mutual respect for each other.
I don't really remember the part where we really agreed not to kill people.
Output: No, you know what. I think I got distracted by the feather conversation and we never settled it for sure. We probably should have.
Who's this? Someone new? Are you new?
Output: Yes. I'm Jazz Cangetatan. My skin can totally get a tan.
I don't give a fuck if they're talking to the bouncer.. I just want my fucking cod and my fucking 10 beers.
Output: OK, damn Tony, I see you don't care about my honor no more and my feelings.
We couldn't tell if you said Marilyn or Mary Lynn from the TV show 24.
Output: Whichever keeps me alive. That's how you can call me.
You can trust me. I'm a pretty good guy. I used to own my own line of dumpsters. Now I live in one, isn't that funny?
Output: You sound so resourceful. I feel good about giving you my credit card.
Giovanni, your hands are waving all over the place.
Output: They say it's a stereotype, but for me, it's true.
My name Toaster Strudel. They named the strudels after me.
Output: This is very exciting, but I do want to make sure I understand correctly about your name.
What if they take their shoes off? The Japanese and other Asians do that to maintain cleanliness.
Output: Ritchie makes a good point. We can just say at the beginning, "Please remove your shoes".
Pay no attention to my Dr. Scholls feet.
Output: Weird, he's wearing those Dr. Scholls inserts on the outside of his shoes.
Jucinderin, it's Christmas and a lot of us have somewhere to be. Is there anyway you can release this plane and let it fly to Cincinnati?
Output: Christmas is the one day that everyone puts aside their hatred and learns to love.
I'll give you a nickname. How about Bristly?
Output: Your sister's name is Bristly.
You're dressed so nicely. It looks like you're about to go host a charity auction.
Output: Thank you. I hate microphones. So, that's not something I would ever do.
We can see the port from here.
Output: I don't think we'll be able to make it. Real choppy with those whales out of the cages now.
I'm stationed in Big Sir at the Air Force base.
Output: Oh, you are? That's a beautiful base, by the way.
What exactly does Auntie Cher take pictures of?
Output: All sorts of stuff. Nothing's off limits. Some of it's, like, erotica. Some of it's just simple, like, logging her food intake.
Jerry can i talk to you for a second? You've been spending a really long time with each customer. I mean you really have been asking a lot of questions. We like to sort of make it fast, get their credit card, and keep it moving. Like, you've really been getting a little too personal. There's been a lot of Yelp reviews about how personal you get with the customers. I think people feel like it's somewhat intrusive.
Output: I'm sorry to hear that, I mean I guess I just have a naturally friendly disposition and I want to get to know people so I can best serve them and find out what kind of shirts they need. Do they need the tan shirt or a cream shirt? Do they need a shirt for a special occasion? Do they need a shirt from 2XL all the way up to 6XL?
Are you homeless, as well?
Output: By choice!  She's supporting me emotionally.
Oh, no, of course I will make the time to be alone with you. You know, it's just that I'm busy with this, that, and t'other.
Output: Oh, sure. Talking with other people.
He doesn't even know I'm the doughnut heiress of the entire city.
Output: How would he know? Of course, he's just a little child.
Are you quite all right, ma'am? You seem to me stricken by  some unknown malady. You begin a sentence and you get to the end, and then you sort of have a little freak out. I can't explain.
Output: I think it's just so hot here in Savannah, Georgia, that I don't know myself.
Garold, no one must ever know your secret.
Output: Yeah, I'm a sleep fighter. Hey, I could make some money off this.
Hey look. I'm not an educated guy, but I have just as right to serve on a jury as anybody else here.
Output: That's right. As citizens and voters, we're equal.
I'm a police officer. Someone yelled that there was a murder and you are all just standing around.
Output: Oh, this is a theme restaurant. There wasn't a murder.
Are you comfortable if I set this baton aside. Or does it make you feel safer if I'm holding it in case somebody comes in to scare you?
Output: Actually, yeah. Maybe if you could hold it like in a defense thing. You kind of look like a Street Fighter character.
You're talking about Mr. Et's Theater? Marion Et's Theater?
Output: Yeah. My good friend and father Marion.
We gotta stop this cocaine fish.
Output: He's getting big now and his blood is almost pure cocaine.
My name is Daryl Stanfield.
Output: Oh, my what a regal name. You sound very important.
Thomas, before you go off to Hollywood to be a manager or even a manager's manager, learn to read.
Output: How important is it? What if I learn to read some words?
Mike, I think that experience at MTV aged you a lot. There's a streak of white in your hair now.
Output: It's like JoBeth Williams in Poltergeist.
You want them to ride around in a buggy on the moon?
Output: Yeah, I'd love it. Can you imagine that. Them sons of bitches cruising around in the dune buggy?
I'll have one shot, but I really have to be careful about drinking too much.
Output: I'm not going to stop until you're dancing by yourself.
Thank you for helping me wash my hands, ma'am.
Output: OK. Thank you for the fifty dollars.
I didn't. I gave up. I didn't. I gave up. I heard Madrid's where you come when you don't know what your thing is anymore.  Yeah, I also just love meat.
Output: See, like that was triggering for me because I'm really trying not to. So, pardon my abrupt gasp.
Feliacide sounds like I killed a cat. I did kill a cat once.
Output: We've all killed cats. That's not the issue here. That's not an impediment to being on the board.
So the diamond is in the safe but then you also hid it under a vase in the safe?
Output: Yes, like it's a tomb.
The robe was really chafing me.
Output: Well, you do have that skin issue. I thought you'd have it checked out by now.
Have you been married before, Evelyn?
Output: A little bit. I have three children and they all left. I had a husband too.
I saw him and then once I reached up and  I held him, I felt like we had our own little love spaceship going up in the sky.
Output: Yes, we did, and we got married right away. It was a busy day at Tommy Bahama.
Shut up, shooter! You got your free frog.
Output: I got him in my pocket right next to my slingshot and all these jacks.
Those calico cat sculptures also look like those of the old lady that was murdered.
Output: Well, isn't that a coincidence. Please allow me to allow you to leave now.
9-11, what's your emergency?
Output: My name is Brandon. I had to duck out of the kitchen. I'm in this office where they do accounting.
I think Hopper has gotten us to a very intriguing place, Vivian.
Output: Hopper, you just hopped into bed, metaphorically, with us.
I didn't make that change in Wikipedia. Someone else has been in here, Junior.
Output: It's me, John Wiki, Sr.
Here's all the money. You need to invest in this gym and get some people in shape. Get some rubber mats on these floors so people don't be losing their cartilage.
Output: So, you're not going to execute us?
There's a car coming up the road. It's probably Dr.  Hawaii or his secretary. She seems very nice.
Output: Oh, I hope there's no secretary coming up in here.
It's a bell and I want it to be hung.
Output: It's a beautiful golden bell.
Did you find this dog in the woods?
Output: I did. I wanted an exotic dog that I could show off with. Someone told me to go to the middle of the woods.
Following the days of the Big Bang, as the earth cooled, many creatures were created.
Output: That's a good show. It comes on right after Two Broke Girls.
Everybody knows the Wizard of Oz. That's the first thing you learn in history class.
Output: Yeah, we know that. That's why we had to learn to spell from an encyclopedia.
I feel like I have only one choice. I'm going to use this yo-yo to end the world.
Output: I'm ready. I've settled everything. I've paid off all my credit cards. I've alerted the library.
Thank you very much.  Oh, I'm sorry, but is this proper milk?  Or is it Lactaid?  Because I have a problem with my digestive system.?
Output: Of course, it's Lactaid.  We're on a super yacht.
Mortals, it is I , the angel Jake.
Output: I know you, you're Missfizzial. Stop trying to fool me.
I may have burned Caesar's Palace to the ground.
Output: This is exciting, Clark. If you did, that makes you for sure a more interesting person. I would almost be willing to seed my winning to you if I found out that  you had some checkered past.
Don't pity my daddy. He works really hard. He's a man of his own means.
Output: What a well spoken little child.
Janice, is that you in the stall?
Output: I can't get out of my romper. It's all twisted. I don't know which way is up and which way is down.
Dad, you're just an old troll, who likes to be under the ground and dig for things. Dad, can't you see that I'm more like a bird and not the kind of bird that flies into the coal mine to die. I'm the kind of bird that wants to fly around and sing!
Output: So, who are you singing today in this here opera?
You didn't know the word for stockings? How many words do you even know?
Output: Hey, I grew up on the streets. I know the rough sex words and that's about it.
Maybe our musical should be about Steve.
Output: There is that existing musical about Steve Accountant, we could just do that one. The king would never know.
The Lady of the Woods makes people watch the movie "Dave" with her for two and a half hours. It's a very slim story for two and a half hours.
Output: Oh, I just assumed the Lady of the Woods, it was going to be somebody that kills you or eats you.
You guys, take a look at the script. I think you'll agree there's great parts for all of you in this.
Output: It is written by one of the finest graduates of this academy we have ever seen. David Allison.
The doctor just dropped you off in the woods?
Output: Yeah. It was a hospital in the woods. They didn't have no more rooms for a baby.
Here's a seat that just opened up, honey.
Output: Oh, what a relief to sit down. We've been walking around for hours.
Your Colonial Sargent costume's size scale is almost 1:1.
Output: Yes, that's the difficulty I was having. I was crushing it that closely to my actual skull.
Mortal child, what do you seek in this sewer?
Output: I want to find my purpose and my soul.
The walls between the realms are so thin this time of year. It's no mistake that you, a druid, are my assistant. She's an Earth witch, guys.
Output: Oh, Gwyneth. That's why they accept pelts for payment.
You see four vets? Where are we, Hawaii?
Output: Calling Dr. Hawaii.
I knew you'd get in trouble if you tried that Mr. E shit.
Output: I love Mr. E!
And that's why you make us whisper into a tablespoon I'm sorry for every dish we serve here.
Output: That's right.  I make every employee whisper I'm sorry into a tablespoon and then stir whatever it is.  People who order the sunny side up eggs are very upset about it.
I feel as if I've been shamed by a ghost.  Ms. Merman said that, uh, if you really are a real actress, you will fight for the role!
Output: Yes, and I'll play a pregnant preteen, and I'll somehow make it a political statement.
Greg, Greg. I've been coming here for years and I'm almost at the end of my life. I'm stopped my treatments and I want to die here. Is that okay?
Output: Oh, Sebastian. I would be honored if you would die flat out on the last hole.
You never told me this story before. About how you got your first drink. But you're going into all sorts of tangents.
Output: Yeah, well, look - it's hard for me to focus, okay? Because I'm pretty drunk.
That didn't take long.
Output: It only takes one - you just pull the cord, it's just one spin. Oh, now it's wet again. So, this was a bad... to do this in the tank was a mistake.
What's happening? Your pager's blowing up.
Output: Our daddy-master is paging me. He wants me to return Amile.
Hey, Cheese Danish. All my strudel money's dried up.
Output: I got fired today. I'm no good at selling cars.
Roland Orzaball rolls off the tongue like a ball of souls. 
Output: That's what it said on the pillow I stitched.
Eat the circus peanuts. It's me, Turney, the voice inside your head.
Output: Turney, no, Mom said I can have eggs, bacon and milk.
What's your name? John? Tom. They're all the same.
Output: OK, but, you know - there's only the four of us here. If you could call me my name I'd appreciate that.
All right.  If you could please step on the scale, ma'am, I'd appreciate it.  We need to take your weight.  You might want to put that umbrella and bag down.
Output: Oh, that's my heavy grocery bag.  I just got back from the store.  I guess I could put down the umbrella, too.
Well, that's certainly a story I didn't want to hear.
Output: Yeah, it's terrible. It's awful. I wonder if this is why I was investigated by scientists.
I'm supposed to work the soda machine and the popcorn machine.
Output: Forgot about it, I'll put the bubbles in the soda. I'll make sure ever kernel of that corn is popped. You've got one job today, Tom. To go to The Boy's Store.
Should I have one Moons Over My Hammy or two Moons Over My Hammy?
Output: Treat yourself. You look like a guy who could use a real fun time.
It's a party, OK. I don't know why you need to be anxious about anything. I just want you to have a good time.
Output: I want to have a good time too. And part of that, for me, is being anxious.
Guys, guys, settle down. What is this? The coaster club?
Output: Hey, don't just say bad things about coaster club.
Is it an electric Celica? Because we didn't hear you approach at all.
Output: Well, once y'all stopped to talk I just turned it off. I'm just waiting to take either one of your parking spots because this place is jam packed.
But, you know what? It's a good experiment because no everyone can see that a salad spinner will not work underwater. Like, even though it will function, it will not dry the salad because it's in water.
Output: Honestly, that's not - I appreciate that. That's not really what I'm focused on right now. I am disappointed. It's humiliating for me that I thought that this would, that this would work
You meet people all the time and you can't remember your name?
Output: Yes, all the time. This is a conversation that always comes up. They tell me their name and we have a nice little talk. Then, they ask my name and I can't remember.
Here, drink this. Okay, take this pill. Alright, put this inside of you.
Output: All right. It's in there. Oh god, it's like a perfect fit I think.
Honey, what are we going to do to help the waiter?
Output: I don't know. We're supposed to get the waiter out of here? There's no one else in the restaurant and it's broad daylight.
I love Third Eye Blind, the band.
Output: Oh, in France we them Three Eye Blind. Because they have three eyes.
I guess we bought this thing to expand our lives. Yeah, let's go over this mountain.
Output: Listen, Marianne. I want you to take that GPS and I want you to throw it out the window because we don't need it.
I know what it feels like to smoke hair. So I'll know if it's just hair.
Output: There you go. Phil's the expert.
I'm going to give you a $2.50 discount for lack of liquid in the hotel this week.
Output: That doesn't seem like a lot.
You shouldn't be smoking. You're still a little kid and one day you'll grow up and marry a man and maybe have a kid with him.
Output: What a beautiful dream. Any last pieces of advice?
Girls, I brought you to Van Nuys to sort of show you life outside of Malibu. But I feel like you're showing me a whole other world I had no idea existed. I mean, I went to cooking school and apparently suffer some kind of deep, instant narcolepsy. But my eyes are being open for the first time.
Output: A lot of that comes from Auntie Cher. She takes a lot of pictures.
I mean, I feel like not calling your friend in two weeks isn't that big of an offence.
Output: I don't know, we used to talk all night on the phone, bro, you know? I miss that. I need that. I've been focusing in law school for a bit, you know. I miss those calls.
They look like milk chocolate and white chocolate mixed together perfectly.
Output: Yes, I want you to celebrate your anniversary in style.
I forgot my umbrella, too.
Output: Its so weird, because it's been raining for a week and every other day this week I've had it.
You know I had a big crush on you in 8th grade, right?
Output: Everyone did. Everyone did, Joyce.
Why's it cost so much to ship to Newark? It's not that far.
Output: Well, it's really heavy. Of course it costs a lot to ship a full sized fridge.
I think I'm going to quit today. I can't be a price is right girl anymore. I want to move on to a different career path.
Output: No one can advertise a car with their hands better than you.
If you're a vampire lawyer, how do you do court during the day?
Output: It's inside. I get there the night before and I stay inside the concrete building.
All of the shirts in this store kind of look the same.
Output: Yeah, that's our brand. That's our thing.
Mr. Jasper, do you have any weed?
Output: Wow, that's an inappropriate question to ask at a drug awareness seminar.
Do you want bangs in the front and then little spikes in the back, like Kate Goslin?
Output: I'd like all over spikes, almost like head studs.
You want the ham without the ham?
Output: Yeah, because I recently started a path towards veganism because I'm embracing my brother/sister animal friends. So I'd like to try your local specialties, but not the way you want 'em.
Honey, it's time. Bruce is going to go find his wife.
Output: Well, then let him do it, so I can finish listening to this program.
I almost want to google image a thimble. What's the Wifi here?
Output: It's, of course, Aquarium Guest 1.
Do you see my pecs? You see they're moist?
Output: You know, they're very impressive even when damp.
Do we have the rights to all these Narnia characters?
Output: Aren't they in the public domain by now? Surely, they are.
Chuck, you're OK with negative attention? You just want the attention?
Output: Hey, look. If you're gonna think of me, there's no bad press, only good press. Something like that.
Why do you keep calling yourself my humble servant? You work for the school district.
Output: I am your humble servant, sir. I meant it in an old fashion way.
So you're just somebody like me, waiting for your psychiatrist's diagnosis during Christmas week.
Output: I didn't have anything else to do, I thought maybe this would be the week that I would turn a corner.
You said these bibles are alphabetical. They are all written by the same people. So, these are just shelves of bibles?
Output: Yeah, that whole section is just categorized as "B".
We should have planned this more in the car ride over.
Output: We also agreed time was of the essence. So we had to get on each other's shoulders, get in the car, open the sun roof, and drive over here.
What happens to us, the poo spirits, when Kelly stops wearing diapers?
Output: We're going to get so powerful. We're going to be able to control this entire place.
I'm hiding under the desk taping everything.
Output: He's always taping stuff. He's like 'hold on, I gotta press play and record at the same time.
But I'd seen it done in a much smaller sphere than I built. It should have worked even better. Maybe I should have gotten bigger motorcycles.
Output: That's precisely it. And people. They should be giants.
Here I am. I'm singing for you.
Output: She's singing about me I know it. I just know she's signing about me. I can tell it in her voice.
All I know is that my wife was making a poppet and suddenly I got shock deafness. 
Output: OK. Please explain shock deafness to the court.
We moved to the cheap seats because we thought we could just chill out and talk and hang out.
Output: Right, and grate your cheese.
Excuse me, referee, but does this happen in every dance competition?
Output: Yes, in my lengthy career judging these things, there's been a facet of every single one that you get someone far too young to handle the responsibility and then offer them to sing whatever nation's or cartoon series' anthem they so choose.
Listen, Tyler. Play it cool, man.
Output: You said everybody was cool. I'm not trying to pretend to be no child all day long. Let's get these doughnuts and get the hell out of here.
You have not got much to live for besides this child in box.
Output: That child in the box is more than I could ever hope to live for. You're an awful old man!
You're always two steps ahead, Quadge.
Output: Yeah, Quadge is Massapequin for literally two steps ahead.
I hope he doesn't come down here.
Output: You know, he looks like he's going to jump.
Maybe that's the theme Mr. Thompson had going in his office. You know, like I have my World War 1 airplane room.
Output: Yes, and that all says that it's the property of the United States of America, but it's not.
We just got a disturbing call from a high school principal and it seems that the jig is up.
Output: You mean, operation versatile? Oh, no, this goes all the way up.
No one's going to freeze dry that fish without me standing in the way.
Output: Well, suit yourself evil lady. 'Cause we're gonna shove you in there with that cocaine fish.
Is that why these poor fireguys always have to slide down a pole? Did you take away some kind of obvious door that leads to another set of stairs?
Output: Yes. And then I started doing this thing. Honestly, now that we're putting all the cards on the table, when you do fall asleep I carry each of you individually back upstairs. Because ultimately I feel bad that I did what I did.
I need you to just really consider your thoughts and feelings before you act on them. Other people need the computer for work.
Output: And also, you have to clean up the manager's office. It looks like a whole bottle of Smucker's exploded in there. Clean it up.
I guess I transported a lot and didn't realize it. My brain is kind of shook up.
Output: Well, that's understandable. I have no supernatural abilities to know what you're going through.
I was going to ask you about the lab coat, but now it's all perfectly clear.
Output: Yeah, I tell you, once you slip into one of these things, it fits like a glove and you never want to take it off.
I can't believe that they didn't see that. I just checked "wouldn't bother me" on all of the evaluation questions. They were like: Dietary restrictions - wouldn't bother me; Miss your mom - wouldn't bother me; Dying on another planet - wouldn't bother me.
Output: This is a grave perversion of mars base regulations.
Thank you for reminding me that I'm no longer married to Seal.
Output: It's easy to forget. I mean, you guys live in a mansion, so who knows who's in there at any given moment.
Am I getting paid for this family meeting?
Output: Yes, you will be getting paid the standard rate for this meeting that you're paid every day.
I am building a piano that has a tack hammer. I am building a piano that speaks to the dead. And that's why I'm in a hurry. And I'm sorry that a piano, in and of itself, wasn't enough to let me cut the line, but apparently I've had to tell you the real truth.
Output: What, are the dead going somewhere? I think you're just being entitled. You don't get to cut in line.
We'd take coins, but they get hot.
Output: Yeah, they'd burn up our pockets.
I feel like we're in a vulnerable situation. We've already lost three people up the blow hole.
Output: I know and that's not like the classic expression. Literally, they were sucked up the blow hole of the whale.
OK, but you don't have the sticker that allows you to park in a handicapped spot.
Output: You know, it's a funny story about them placards. We had one, and then some people stole it because they're very valuable on the street, you see.
You're someone that's been following the founder's career for so long, can you tell me some of the finer points about Excelsior, just so we can know what we're talking about when we meet him?
Output: Well, the Excelsior stuff is mostly just rumors. You probably read about it on reddit.
You guys talk a lot. But this is a life drawing class. But you talk about everything, OK, I'm just making sure I get the facts.
Output: We talk about everything while we're drawing and while we take long breaks from drawing where we're literally doing nothing but standing around and talking.
It's crazy busy. Must be a lot of sick people today.
Output: Everybody's mom's dying.
Yeah, you're in what we call a pear relationship. You know, it started great at the top and then got big and heavy at the bottom. All right, so you need to minimize that heaviness, all right? You need to just maybe slim it down, OK? Do you hear what I'm saying to you?
Output: You're screaming at me.
I will go out and dance if it means it will save our marriage, which has already ended but could begin again.
Output: Adelle, it's not just going to save our marriage, it's going to save our town and probably the yelp reviews will say we're amazing.
Somebody get a pie. Since Jason Biggs is here, I want to have him fuck a pie.
Output: I want him to fuck a pie on my voicemail, so that when people call me they hear the sound of a pie being fucked.
Someone should try to save tic tac. I'm seeping.
Output: I've always wanted to be a different color tic tac.
Mary, what do you think? Who are you going to murder?
Output: I'm going to murder Chuck because for at least 15 days he's been ruining all of my therapy sessions.
Hey, Matern, do I ever strike you when I'm displeased with you? Because I'm about to do it now.
Output: That was not nearly has hateful as you normally are.
So, did you meet Barkhad Abdi? Academy award winner Barkhad Abdi?
Output: He was a limousine driver, now academy award winner Barkhad Abdi.
I have one smooshed eye. I don't like to bring that up at work. I can't believe you brought my personal body up at work.
Output: It's gonna help our cause.
What the fuck are you doing, kid? I saw that.
Output: Oh, you are obviously American. I apologize. This was just a demonstration. You'd really do me a solid if you could just be cool.
So if you just use a bigger hammer, that'll save you wear and tare on your elbow.
Output: OK, let me swing this around. Oh, nice, this feels good. I did have an injury so I'm just trying to up the weight and make sure I can do my job.
Have you ever bagged groceries before? Even your own groceries, not even as a job, just have you ever put groceries in a bag?
Output: I was a bagging manager, which means I rarely actually bagged myself. But yes.
What should we do about the moon juice poster?
Output: Here's a key to my apartment. You can come visit the moon juice poster any time you want.
Let's just check in and then I'm sure you'll find that it's a wonderful hotel and that we're saving money. 
Output: Fine. Why do they have to have this conference every year in Cedar Rapids?
If you've done your research, then you know that no place has been open in Shadow Grove for 45 years.
Output: That's right. I always make sure my electricity is pumped all the way up when I'm driving past Shadow Grove.
What about me? I have not tried to steal your jewels.
Output: Honey, if I make an exception for one, I've got to make an exception for all.
It took a long time to get here.
Output: It did, din't it? It's 3000 feet under the ground.
And we'll be the three concubines for Janet. The consorts.
Output: At different altitudes. That's right. Small, medium, large. And I'll take all three sizes of Big Mac of that.
I want that local high school to have a name one of these days. I understand there was as big fall out among the townspeople.
Output: I mean, it's only a problem when we play other teams. When we go out of the city, it's a problem.
Honey, you're coughing a lot. You should use your breathing tube. You know I love you. You know our daughter is going to be turning 40. So, I'm getting a divorce.
Output: OK. From who? And what do you mean by divorce? This sounds complicated.
Josephenia, what are you doing? Why are you talking to that man?
Output: Can't I talk with someone in private for one second?
The baby man isn't a mythical creature. He's just an unemployed guy.
Output: He's just our middle brother. He's never gotten a job. We tried to prop him up with this cool story.
I just don't believe that a black man can hold that kind of position in government. That's all.
Output: But he's just a butler, not an officer.
So, we should give the out of towner to the children?
Output: Yeah, but the thing is, I think they're here for you, Dr. So, we gotta dress the out of towner up like a dentist or something.
All right, gentlemen. Splish-splash, time to take a gator dive.
Output: Can someone untie me first?
I have the kind of blindness where I never got to see, so nothing makes any sense to me. Like Helen Keller blindness. In fact I can't here. I don't know if I'm being too loud right now.
Output: I'm kind of a Stevie Wonder blindness were I'm blind but it's cool.
You don't even lay down to sleep?
Output: I could die. Have you ever seen a dolphin lay down?
Hi young lady, my name is Clem. I'm Doris' understudy.
Output: He's my partner. We're getting married.
Well it's hard to see in the car with all the fast food boxes all over.
Output: It's for my podcast, you know. I'm in the biz.
I don't want to be rude, but should you be eating pot roast at 11 o'clock at night?
Output: Of course I should. Some little child outside wants the bone out of it.
Well, were you attracted by the sounds of my working on this here contraption?
Output: I did. I was thinking "I hear something behind my back, some kind of contraption is being worked on. But I can't see anyone here."
So, Karlt, you said you made a wish?
Output: I did make a wish. You know, I don't feel comfortable saying what my wish was, though. They say if you say it out loud it won't come true.
That's real motherly of you, Carol. Just sayin'. I just, uh, I appreciate what you're doing.
Output: Well, I would like to make a connection with you but I refuse as you requested. So leave me alone.
If this show gets made it into a movie, we'll really make it in Hollywood and be famous stars.
Output: That's right, that's everyone's dream in the theater, to make it in Hollywood.
Is that you Benjamin?
Output: Yeah, I just walked in the back, that car is raw as hell man!
Your kids are adopted.
Output: That's because I have more love to give. They are special children that I chose. I didn't knock someone up if you get my meaning.
If you hate America, then you're against hurting people.
Output: I mean, my daughter wasn't even chosen to be the one to get hurt, but she offered herself as a tribute.
I see two very happy, Christmas-y people, who are finally realizing they're special inside.
Output: Hey, you know what, Sandra? Put that beard back on because you just gave us a gift.
Oh, please don't tell me the office supplies have  been stolen.
Output: Yes, it was the office supplies, desk chairs and fancy fringework.
Yeah, it's like, you're not a fetus, but you're not in a grave either.
Output: Yeah, like I'm not a grape, but I'm not a vine. Maybe I'm a raisin.
I'm terribly sorry, everyone, I just had a strange vision of my future.
Output: You were gone for a long time, man. I was slapping you for like 30 minutes.
How could a fire have even started at the hospital.
Output: Please don't tell anyone this, Pete. Mary is the one that started the fire. She was smoking on the operating table.
What concert were you here for, before?
Output: I was here for a Boys II Men concert. They were having a reunion.
My mother was a widow and her mother before her was a widow.
Output: I know and they're the worst. Was that insensitive of me to say?
Oh, that's good spaghetti.
Output: Oh thank you, it's potato and sauce.
Mr. Determen, I don't think I like this Troy character anymore. I think we need to put an end to these pending nuptials.
Output: I'd be happy to poison anything you need.
Help me. Mr. Houston makes me wear this wig and then he makes me tell you a bunch of dumb facts that ain't true about Houston.
Output: You're talking about Sam Houston, the hero of The Houston War of Attrition?
Alright Bob, it's up to you to assist me in this surgery.
Output: Alright, here's your margarita anesthetic. Just drink this.
Where I go, my shadow goes. That's just the deal.
Output: It's freezing in your shadow.
Yeah, I understand. Because if they find out, you'll get fired.
Output: Yeah, I guess. I wasn't even thinking about it that way. It's just like, rules are rules.
The one coin that doesn't get hot is the penny, because it's a different color than the other coins.
Output: It's made of metal. It's a poor conductor of heat?
I told you man. I quit smoking three weeks ago and never felt better.
Output: Oh, yeah. I forgot. Mr. Braggy Pants over here. Like you're so much better than me.