niryuu/sni-each-converted huggingface dataset:
Grandma, would you make me a latte with two percent skim milk?  I'm trying to watch my weight.
Output: Sure, honey.  Why don't you also pick yourself out one of them menthol cigarettes.  You've had a rough day.
That doesn't mean you got any business, you were a prostitute but I was hoping and I pray as a 12 1/2 year old you didn't do any business.
Output: They said "we're prostitutes" and so, we just stood around and looked at each other. So I was a prostitute for like an hour.
Art, you think we should be selling ice cream and photos?
Output: Yes, just something else so that people actually buy something.
Oh, you're stealing the treasure.
Output: I knew it. I can't trust anyone on this ship. I should have gone to Paris with John.
Mom and Dad, you stayed together for the poster and not for me?
Output: Well, yes. The poster is from when we met. You came later. The poster has sweet memories for us.
Doctor, no one has more respect for you than I do. But, I do think it's off putting to people.
Output: When a cat does therapy?
I'm producing a movie.
Output: I know that too. You don't have to keep telling me things I already know.
You told me we were out of mayonnaise.
Output: It makes you sick, I don't know why you insist on eating it.
Chuck, can you restrain Ken for a little bit?
Output: You got it boss! Finally someone asked me to do something.
Oh sure, Mr. Vaughn, there's a carton cigarettes here for you. I've got seven cartons, one for each of the Magnificent Seven.
Output: Yule, Chuck, isn't it great? We're gonna smoke and live forever.
Oh really? And you are married to each other then?
Output: Yep sure are. We knew we'd get married since we first set eyes on each other, over that big taco juicy taco.
What's the mileage?
Output: I don't have it memorized. I drive a lot to different events throughout. But of course it's raining.
If we fulfilled the prophecy, why are we still stuck inside this god damn beast?
Output: There's a part at the end of the prophecy that's in Spanish. You couldn't read it. Annette hasn't fallen in love yet. That's the last part.
Can I tell you about my wife's show at Charlie O'Charlies?
Output: Oh, yeah. I figured it must be good if it's your wife.
Excuse me, I'm the officiant of this wedding. Where am I supposed to stand.
Output: We were going to do it inside of this Baskin Robbins, but it seems like it's closed.
I don't want the illusion to be over already before we even get married. Like, you've already seen fluids come out of me.
Output: Well, listen, you know. We're going to be together forever, presumably. I think that we might as well get this stuff out of the way. Do you want me to throw up too?
If you do a close up of my face, I can cry on command.
Output: You're going to be wearing a hockey mask!
Daddy-master? I also want to follow Maybelline into the outside world.
Output: What? I've given you everything. Lemonade. I make people rent a movie that you alone get to watch.
My name is Jerry, I'll be officiating the wedding.
Output: And you're all welcome to Sbarro afterwards.
What the fuck is this on the floor? Now, I have to clean this shit up.
Output: Oh, that over there by the bathroom? Someone defecated on themselves and the floor.
I mean, you met the queen before and everything. This all didn't seem familiar to you?
Output: I didn't even think about it. I have so many experiences on any given day. I ride the bus a lot.
Rick, how come there's no music of dancing at this nightclub?
Output: We used to have it, but I kicked them all out. The music and the dancing and all the people, they were coming to the nightclub, they were getting all positive. It was really the wrong vibe that this nightclub is supposed to instill in people. It's supposed to give them a sense of foreboding about the future. They were leaving too happy. Also, I can't afford to play the band or the dancers.
I told you. I wash my dishes.
Output: You can't pay an exterminator in telling him how you do your chores on the chore wheel.
Oh, and I'm a veterinarian school teacher. I teach about how to become a veterinarian.
Output: Well, I have a weird job. Parents hire me to hide in their kids' closets on the off chance that the kids will wake up in the middle of the night and back into the closet. I'll grab them, and it's used as a tool to teach kids to keep their rooms tidy.
Hey Marty, I just want to say that I'm really sorry about your girl passing.
Output: Oh, my God. Thank you so much, Chris. Is this a casserole?
Randy, did you hear when I said I don't like my food to touch? I apologize, I didn't mean to be rude.
Output: Nope, that's all right. We can arrange your plate to avoid any sort of overlapping food.
We love you here, but the trapeze is not what it used to be.
Output: That's OK, we'll do it on stilts instead.
Alright, one the count of three I'll pry the door open.
Output: OK, Mike. One, two, three.
What kind of drugs did you give the wolf?
Output: I ground up a bunch of Z-Quil and put it in a steak.
Evelyn's alright, I gotta tell ya. She's got a great back hand.
Output: She's swinging that sport club around like nobody's business. I'd watch out if I were you.
Well, just so we're clear, I was scoffing at you because my wife is devoted to me.
Output: But I mean, if I make a move and she's cool with it, you're cool with it - right? Let's just see how it plays, go with it.
I'm surprised you guys didn't know down here in hell that our marriage wasn't actually legal. We didn't find that out until after we died.
Output: It was still a marriage. We lived it like it was a marriage and we ended up hating each other.
I love polar bears in armor.
Output: Me too. I certainly did not walk out after the first five minutes of that movie.
Carol, are you telling me you have two different bodies?
Output: I'm tell you I use my body in two different ways.
Did you remember me because of my purple hair?
Output: Yeah, and your blue eye and your brown eye.
I'm just going to go get my car's oil changed.  I think that'll make me feel somewhat better.  Hopefully, I won't have any sort of existential crisis within that limited window of time.
Output: I admire your optimism.  As a retail buyer, I think you should treat yourself to a little shopping therapy after that oil change.  It calms the angered soul.
As his twin sister, he consults me in all matters sexual. So, I decided my brother should order a kiss kit for you to help you out.
Output: That's right. You should kiss more like my sister. We practice all the time.
I've been on the run ever since he died. I should probably ditch this car, I mean there's only like fifteen thousand of them in existence.
Output: They're tracking you, believe me. And your fingerprints are all over it by now.
In case anyone ever asks us, we'l have video to show the funeral.
Output: I get that. Sometimes I don't remember anything that happened in my life and I have to re watch it on video.
What if I say "your hair is almost the perfect length"?
Output: Well, you used the word perfect, so that's probably a bad way to go. Never use the word perfect.
Because I'm a level 18 Paladyn, but I have -20 charisma, I will allow you to do it, but I will make sure I tell everybody that I could have done it myself.
Output: OK. Classic backdoor passive aggression move.
All those people out there are demanding their subs. Do you think we should go out and help them?
Output: Oh, I'll go out. I forgot. I'm not even on break. I just spilled some lettuce on my pants.
You married somebody, who dated someone before you. How do you feel about that?
Output: Well trodden earth I'm walking on. That's what I think.
Trumpet Davis, before you were a jazz musician, you worked in the insurance industry?
Output: That's right. For a long time. I was the CEO of Aetna.
I don't think that you need me. You obviously have your own thing going on.
Output: We do need you. Don't think about the bands I was in. Think about the band I am in with you and you.
It's where you combine words to make another word.
Output: Oh, we've done that with all of our kids. That's so funny.
You'd think the lights from his head would keep us awake.
Output: He moves around by dancing between your moments of despair.
I know you have that Starlight DVD that's just about broken in half.
Output: I watch it every night.
From now on, we'll wrap all of our presents in saran wrap. There will be no more surprises. 
Output: That sounds like a great idea. Thank you, Fred. You've warmed our hearts.
Where did this gentleman come from?
Output: He never vacated.  This is the same dumpster all along.
It was just a coincidence that you were sleep walking on a plane on 9-11.
Output: It was, but I'll always remember it like that was my final time.
It seems really secure. This is just some thick, thick steel. I'll put up some drapes.
Output: Right? I mean, we're gonna be here for a while so we might as well make it nice and cozy.
We didn't have our homework done for a year and mama did it for us in one night.
Output: That's how we graduated from 5th grade.
I can write with a pencil at home. I don't have to wait for it to be whittled down from a tree.
Output: It's true. It was so boring! We didn't want to say anything because we didn't want the good stuff to go away.
You strike me as a Larry Mullen, Jr., lady. 
Output: I could see how you say that, since I asked about continental lunch.
My son needs a moon pie.
Output: Hey. And I need RC Cola. Is anybody working here?
We never got that guy's name.
Output: He sounds like he's related to Arnold Schwarzenegger.
That's a lot of blood. It's everywhere.
Output: Timothy, will you mop all this up for me?
There's no one in the seat next to me. I guess I kind of cleared the area around me with my snoring.
Output: Yeah, nobody else has been on this plane. It's just you. Welcome to Cincinnati.
Am I too late for boarding? I'm sorry I'm late. Thank  God it's that special day, where you don't need a boarding pass until you get right to the plane.
Output: Yes, of course. Can I see your boarding pass? Go ahead and put your face up to the vent, as well. The mist will do the rest.
All I see is lumps of trash moving. Is there more than one cat in here?
Output: Yeah, it's like that scene in Star Wars, where Luke Skywalker was forced into the trash compactor.
The Friends isn't that new. It's like three or four years old.
Output: C'mon, it's just a Seinfeld ripoff. It will never go anywhere.
Michelle is married. To a Honda Civic. She's been marrying cars all over town.
Output: Well, due to this information and as a pastor who's well versed in all things church room, I must say, this marriage is now no Z's good Z's.
Yeah, you had that shiny thing that you wore on your heads that all doctors used to have.
Output: He had the stethoscope, the shiny thing, lab coat, scrubs.
Am I under arrest?
Output: Don't answer that question.
Mom, you're telling me that you went to go get cigarettes but now I have to go get dad's beer? That seems like a waste of time, couldn't you have done both?
Output: Yes dear, but it's a little soon to be calling me mom. I've only been married to your dad for five years.
When I woke up, I meditated and I did my affirmations. I didn't watch TV.
Output: I said a full rosary, looked out the window for awhile and I had a cup of coffee.
Are the magic tricks working, Jimmy?
Output: Mom, it's going great. He's really into me.
Alright, let's just do a shoot from the top. Greg, how are you feeling?
Output: I feel good. Basically, my action is that I sort of bounce up and down. I'm skipping along on the moon's surface.
A tournament of the most professional teams of adults is what I want. There will be no children.
Output: That's more of a spoken rule and not a written one. So, that can't come back to bite us. There's no need to write that down. We'll remember.
I thought we were coming to this room to have, you know, MFP. Male/Female/Phone.
Output: Wow. Classic misunderstanding. I thought we were all friends.
My babysitter is going to come here. She is a fan of Suedeface.
Output: I've killed a lot of babysitters in my time, as a character. In real life I'm a preacher.
He had an unexpected peanut allergy.
Output: He also had a fat ass. He looked good in those little dog jeggings I would put him in.
Your hands look like four giraffes fused together, or two double giraffes.
Output: Or two two giraffes snorting cocaine off the ground.
Let's get in the car and I'll take you back to where you need to be. Screw these groceries. Who needs groceries?
Output: Our first stop should be a comic book shop to see if there's an issue that has an ad for a grow ray in it.
Join me in the kitchen and we shall engage the fight protocol.
Output: Yes, okay, bye guys. Don't get divorced. Just a normal, healthy fight. Fights are healthy.
Help me, please. I've been down in that basement for like, a year. I've been hiding out from the robots.
Output: Yeah, like the parents around here are all robots, right?
Charlie, Linda, I'm going to throw the switch to start the gel factory line.
Output: OK, I'm just going to start to move the gel around with my hands.
What are the dinner specials?
Output: It's the same thing every night. It's roast turkey. It's packets of lunch meat.
Oh, is that it? That Prius looks sad.
Output: That's it. That's my car. Look, someone wrote "wash me" on my back windshield.
We're probably talking too much about our stuff. Let's talk about you. I saw Moana.
Output: That's great. Like I said, that's not all of us.
Is this true? You gentleman will go out to another bagel shop and get me four bagels and bring them back here?
Output: That's the code of the Angels, man.
Can we review what the details of operation versatile are?
Output: Well, Colonial, we sent many top and bottom scientists out to conduct sessions with teenage boys.
Once we're all in the same dream world, we'll all see each other. If one person is not there, then we tell the other person a little bit more so they can get there and then boom, we're doing it. 
Output: OK. That sounds simple enough.
Yeah, so your friends tell you to go to a Phish concert. They give you weird instructions, tell you to meet a regular. Just to get you out of their hair.
Output: It used to be called a Spring-stomp. You'd send someone to a Springsteen concert, to stomp out the friendship.
I'm very excited to be here today, in court, fighting my own case.
Output: You sound angry. You don't sound excited.
Do you see what I see? Her arm is moving so quickly, it looks like it's moving in slow motion.
Output: Yeah, that's what happens with bionic arms. The faster you move the slower it looks to other people.
He's a five tool player. Yeah, he can hit, he can hit for power, he can run, he can catch, and he can steal.
Output: He stole my wallet. He literally steals.
Roger, I know you want to make a big announcement, but we already know you're on hospice.
Output: Yeah, you're hooked up to several machines.
Welcome back, would you like some lamb chops or burgers?
Output: You know why I came here. I want a "pot roast."
What's going on with your purse, Renee?
Output: Oh, sometimes it moves around like a bag of cats.
You're from Brooklyn? I'm from Kansas City, Kansas.
Output: You sound like you're from here. It's such an exotic accent.
She's still floating away. It's a very slow departure. She looks like she's lost. She's pointing.
Output: Maybelline, open a window. We'll shoo her out with a broom.
If anything happens to me, please tell my parents that I love them.
Output: I have no idea where they are except for somewhere in Alaska, but I'll try.
I have a series of complaints from the last bake sale that I want to get straightened out ahead of time. You kept bringing up race like saying "Here's a brownie like a brown person". That's not appropriate.
Output: Ok, I'll say a positive like "delicious" with it next time. Then it won't be taken in a negative way.
I feel honored. I really do. We've never had any royal people in this home before.
Output: No, no. I mean, we've let the guy who runs King Taco come in here a couple of times.
I can't believe I had to leave my own Ted Talk. Maybe I'll just drown my sorrows in some ice cream. Oh boy, I gotta steal myself for going into a public place. Luckily there's hardly anybody in there.
Output: Sir, it's closed in there, I think. There's some kind of conflict going on.
You two are an inspiration. Your friendship, and the time it takes to go and uncover the burial, dig up, cry over your friend, four times over. It touches me.
Output: Well, it's just the way we take care of our friends over here in Maine. Death does not take us apart.
I'm saying, screw off the top of the flash. And pour some of this super addictive alcohol in. It will make them senior alcoholics so they die of cirrhosis.
Output: You know, I want to get ahead in this business so I'll do whatever you say.
OK, but this popcorn isn't for eating. It's just for stringing around the tree. I thought we could have some festivities.
Output: It's food. You can't put food out without offering it to people.
If we don't make it across, Joseph, and we end up just floating down the river. I'm all right with that.
Output: Mariam. You're just willing to let everything go? Just like that? You said you have so much to live for earlier!
What I got invited to was a murder mystery dinner party with professional actors.
Output: I'm just warning you ahead of time. You might go there and everything comes in a box and everyone plays a character.
I miss Lorielle. I miss her crazy ways.
Output: I'm sure you do. She sounded like a lot of fun.
There's a weird energy between the two of you. I don't know what it is.
Output: Well, we have a long history.
You look just like Hans. But your name is Hands? H-A-N-D-S?
Output: Well, we're cousins.
There will be no picnics today. The lake is closed until we find out where this water is going.
Output: Hey! I paid fifty bucks for this tour!
This is wet heat.  It's humidity, and the popcorn is wilting!
Output: I don't like it when the popcorn becomes spongy.  It's like you need a little bit of crunch to the popcorn.
Hello, Delores. I must say that now that there's vomit all over Meredith's volcano, I'm afraid we're going to have to disqualify her.
Output: Mrs. White, please isn't there anything that we can do? As you can see, I come from a broken family and this would mean a lot to me.
Clark, is that gas can your personal item that you brought from home?
Output: Yes, it was given to me by my mother's father, KriKrag.
Sorry you all gotta come to school in the summertime, but that's when giraffe history month is and I gotta teach you about it.
Output: Teacher, can we open the window, at least? It's July and it's so hot in here.
The urine you're giving us is bagged up, right?
Output: Sure. It's in a paper bag, so drink it fast.
My stupid husband doesn't even know how to turn on a faucet.
Output: Oh, my husband doesn't know how to do anything, but he's in a coma, so, you know.
We have materials in the room. We have yarn, Popsicle sticks, ottomans and pop up books.
Output: Right. They have assault weapons.
And yet, when you're not the president and you have three names, you're often an assassin.
Output: That's usually if your middle name is Lee or Wayne. My middle name is David.
Now I'm going to investigate the manager's office and see what's going on. Please, if you see the murder-dog, let someone know, all right? If you're not going to call the police.
Output: If we see something, we will say something. Standard terrorism subway rules.
What's best for you?
Output: Well if you sit by the window you're in my son Todd's section, and you're a very lovely young lady.
Oh, my God. I was not expecting to see that when you took off your sun hat.
Output: I know. As soon as I turned 35, I said I was getting a mohawk.
Grab a sport club and club away with us Chester.
Output: I feel like a great big scorpion. I'm clubbing the air.
There's an infinite amount of numbers. In fact, there's so many numbers, I could say a number just now that I've never said in my life and I'll never say again. One thousand.
Output: I like the joke, but if we get around to the HBO special, if she says a thousand she'll just make herself out to be a liar. But I love what she's going for.
So, it's like long term combustion, over time someone gradually combusts?
Output: No, that's the thing, it happens just like that. It's Spontaneonation combustion.
There's two names still on the list. They haven't checked in backstage. One is Jim Neighbors. And the other one is some girl named Joy Division.
Output: You may have to go to heaven to get Jim Neighbors and purgatory to get the guy from Joy Division. Those are Catholic rules.
There's a guy in your purse.
Output: It's a toy. It's one of those little key chains and the keys fell off.
I'd love to go through the machine, too, if everyone's taking a turn.
Output: You'd like to get x-rays? Do you feel like there's something wrong with you?
Empathy isn't about being brave.  It's an emotion that just happens.
Output: You're right.  It's also fun to empathize together.
The management really wants to update some of the tunes you play this year, Thomas.
Output: OK. We have a pretty standard set of songs that we play though.
You know what? We'll wrap you in these towels and you'll look like a burrito, sir.
Output: And here's a free bag of cheese curds.
Don't apology. Apologies are the tears of God. Guess what? It's not a time to cry.
Output: You bring up a very valid point. I just wanted to say that my friend, Lisa gets a little heated when she drinks too much caffeine. She's got a heart problem.
Here you go. That's one franc. 
Output: Are you done? I was in this line ten minutes ago and you're still in here singing your dumbass love song to this guy.
Felicity, you're the baby of the family and you're 28 years old.
Output: What? I think you forgot to subtract 20 from my age.
These hands have given me everything. Love, talent,  skill, kids.
Output: I don't have arms. You forgot to draw my arms.
Hi, I'm Diane. Nice to meet you. Shake my hand.
Output: I'm Jeremy. I only shake when I'm making a deal.
Is it in your programming to know what the hell's going on on that planet while I'm here alone on the ship like some tossed aside old sock or something.
Output: What would you like to know, little Twitters?
He's with me. I'm his guardian.
Output: Then I guess all is OK. Sorry for being a nosy nellie.
I'm looking over the book of your life and it says here your wife left you for a Hot Topic manager, not an OfficeMax manager.
Output: We got back together after the Hot Topic guy and, she loves to work retail - it's like hot for teacher, but for store managers. I would take her back every fucking time. She also loved her Petco manager.
Anyway, I'd like to move on to the Tipsy-Topsy Dimension,  where everything is just as it should be. Now I know that surprising because of what it's called well, but everything is neatly lined up in a nice, perfect world.
Output: It's a bit of a mystery. You think Tipsy-Topsy, and your mind goes to topsy-turvy. But then you get there and it's like no, everything's right.
Ma'am, tell me about your marriage and how it didn't work out.
Output: It lasted 32 days. 30 of those day, I didn't know where he was.
I guess you are at the head of the line now.
Output: That's weird there were just a bunch of people in front of me, where did they go?
Cleatus, you've worked here for as long as I can remember.
Output: In fairness, that's not a long time.
There's a cockroach on the floor.
Output: Okay buddy, put it down. Away from your mouth.
Ray, you're ruining this play for everyone.
Output: I don't care. I don't like theater, it's stupid. It's outdated.
So, your full name is Pat Stamp?
Output: I have so many friends named Pat that I just always add my last name.
There seems to be a bunch of commotion over at that restaurant, Demetrius. Maybe we should go see what's going on.
Output: Any other restaurant would be better than this one.
He told me wait here in the cereal aisle and I was just going to wait here until my oats were moistened.
Output: Well, let me find out where Vlad is. You just stay right here.
These prophecies we've been giving, are we making them happen or are these just things that we see in the future?
Output: I'm just guessing. I'm not really seeing anything.
Maybe Brian selling computers too long has made him forget how to breathe.
Output: Yeah, well we can't all be in construction, building churches.
We've gassed up the motor on the plane. We're ready to take you to Hawaii, doctor.
Output: We're going to fly the plane ourselves and we're going to take you there right now.
Mr. Kissinger, were you hiding under the President's desk?
Output: Yes, I'm hiding under the desk taping everything. Every once and awhile the President will feed me a cracker.
I also have a mean dad, too, that's what I'm trying to say.
Output: Me, too. My dad is just awful, it's clear. His only priority is beer.
God, I know. He's always with us and I just needed him to be somewhere else for four to seven hours.
Output: This was a good plan, and I'm sorry that my dare to go to the pet store and not buy anything didn't pan out.
I think a lot of us thought you'd be saying the same vows to each other at the same time, not separate things at the same time.
Output: Oh, did we not? I thought we were. I couldn't hear because I was saying my own vows.
So you two are definitely having affair, is that right?
Output: Gloria, I have something to tell you. I've cheated on you 18 times since we got married.
If someone was breaking in from outside, why not take the valuable pornography collection in the pornography closet?
Output: They were vintage porns. I recognized some of them. Didn't you Bernadette?
Fudge Man, your famous grappling fight with Carob Man seemed like such a tough time for you, and you retired right after the fight.
Output: Yeah, well, you know, it was physically challenging.  It was also emotionally challenging.  I had a lot of therapy after I announced my retirement to help cope.
We were born in the waves. We were wave birthed.
Output: To be honest, part of me was hoping that the waves would just suck them out to sea and all I would see was them floating.
You sound like somebody that keeps stepping on a child's toy.
Output: Look, I can't help that I have a speech impediment.  I try the best I can.  I got to do what I'm relegated to.  This guy, he gets a big number, and he sounds like a squeaky door on Halloween.
You are adorable identical twins.
Output: Thank you so much. Our mom said that she was having twins or no kids at all.
Well, Miles was out back by the sequoias, and he was conjuring something or saying some strange spells or something.  He's talking all about monsters, and I couldn't tell if what he was saying was real or in my own mind, and I don't know if I can tell a hawk from a handsaw or if I'm going mad and you've got to help me.
Output: Okay, I think you're definitely insane and I think your dad is, too, but like, this is really interesting out of anything to do right now.  So, like, let's go get Miles.
I thought your name was Joshua.
Output: It is Joshua Huston. I'm part of the Huston family. We're the oldest Shadow Grove family.
Oh, we're married and we're strangers?
Output: Yeah, I mean, I didn't have any choice. It was predestined.
I'm just waiting for my friend. He's here for the new release of something.
Output: Oh, Aid Man. He's a real helpful hero.
That's very honest after the fact, but you never took any time off from work.
Output: I would never take time off work. I love it here.
Roll down your window, sir.
Output: Hey, that's my wife.
I want you to behave here. Even though children are allowed in dance clubs in Iceland, this is a dance club for grownups.
Output: OK, dads. I promise not to kiss any boys while I'm here.
Looks like the gang's all here, cool. But we're still missing one person. Donna. Remember Donna? I heard she fell into the grand canyon.
Output: Yeah, I heard that too. I heard she was torn apart by two coyotes.
Welcome to the New Spaghetti Factory. We make sure that you know you are getting spaghetti in a bowl and not on a plate.
Output: OK. Is that the new part? The spaghetti being in a bowl?
Have we met you before or are you a new person?
Output: I'm still Madeline. You're my best friends or have you forgotten me like all the others?
Now, our first order of business, obviously world domination.  How's that going?
Output: Oh, I just sort of thought we tabled that for next time.  I thought or kind of felt as though we'd agree to do it, but we'd table for next time.
I'm sorry, are you asking me out on a date, ma'am?
Output: I'm asking some questions and we'll see what the answers are.
They just shot Gregory Peck.
Output: I could use a Tums after that. What the hell just happened?
Maybe you would have had a better relationship with your mama if she'd had one of them CPAP machines.?
Output: Yeah, they didn't exist back then, I don't think.
It's OK, we're aliens - we can kinda do whatever.?
Output: We came in a spaceship, but it's no replace for our mother.
Hey Paul, I was watching the news today and found something out. The whole world doesn't revolve around you.
Output: Gerald, what station was that on?
Dad, I think I'm going to get a job. But you're not gonna like this. It's at Quiznos.
Output: Oh, God. No son of mine is gonna work at a Quiznos. You've got to get out of this house.
So, maybe you could come up with an animal for me because I'm just Maria.?
Output: Well, let's see.  Based off your pelt, I'd call you a lynx.
No one can advertise a car with their hands better than you.
Output: I was a National Honor Society color wearer, and here I am. Advertising cars with my hands.
So, what do you think, Mitch? Do we tow this thing? I mean, it's blocking a lot of spots.
Output: I mean, it's a hospital parking lot. We can't just have a car here with its hazards on forever.
I texted you all of the names we're going to go by. Just look under today.
Output: Oh, I thought that was a suggestion list. I didn't know it was a master list.
I found computer in the basement and it's got websites on it.
Output: Maybelline, this is unbelievable.
Yeah, on planes. I'm always getting yelled at by the stewards.
Output: It's got to be a really tight circle that you're walking in.
I'm not going in to get Kurt. Let's just wait in the car, Gladys.
Output: Alright, Phillip. This is what you want, huh? We're going to do a Mexican standoff about who picks our son up from the pediatrician.
I'm Blaine, I'm from the studio. I also have a lot of great ideas.
Output: Not as great the network does, but some I guess.
These cookies are stale.
Output: Yeah, they are ghost cookies. So, obviously they are just left over from Halloween.
I'm not even a really good detective.  I'm new.  Why do you think these peep holes are so large in this newspaper? 
Output: Yeah, they're not great.  They're the size of oranges.
Terry's going to be fine for the rest of his life and so am I.
Output: Yeah. I'm never gonna die.
I'm Militia, I'm the corporate liaison for Weyland Mutani Aeronautic Space Investigations.
Output: Got another one of those beers?
We gave you a couple pencils so you didn't have to do that anymore.
Output: Yeah, but they don't smell like these markers.
Darling, it's darn near 8:15. You should be up now.
Output: Get the fuck away from me.
I think we're good here, Tim. Thank you very much for checking in on me.
Output: Okay, that's fine. My name is Ray, but that's OK.
Those are my initials. My first name is Albert. My middle name is Sam. My last name is Nesbit-Umbrella.
Output: Oh, I see. So, you're using the classic style monogram.
I've had a lot of cereals before, but I've never had a cereal with Mr. T. on the box.
Output: Yeah, it's pretty good.  I can eat as much sugary cereals as I like.  It just makes me swollen like a tick.
My first word of advice is to save your toilet paper.
Output: That's just all around good life advice.
I can't believe you had the nerve to show your face at this wedding. I'm gonna sue you into oblivion you coward.
Output: Nice try. You can't sue the Brown's. The Brown's own all this town.
Excuse me. Are you still grieving or is this tombstone up for public grief?
Output: We're just about done grieving. Would you mind if our grieves overlap?
There's blood just pouring into this room.
Output: Yes, I know. I'm trying, I was on my way to the manatee tank to see what's going on.
Do you play any instruments?
Output: I juggle crawdads if that counts.
Honey, I think this is the beginning of a wonderful new chapter in our lives.
Output: A chapter that has a whole lot of paragraphs. It will be one that will last a long time.
My mom doesn't let me eat chocolate because she says eating chocolate makes you a bad person.
Output: That's right, honey.  There's a lot of caffeine in chocolate, and as your mother, it's my job to make sure you take good care of your health.
Aren't you gonna be late for the whale watching boat? Honey, you'd better hurry. They're going to leave without you.  I want you to see a whale.
Output: Mom, I gotta put everything in my backpack, OK? I'll be able to see the whale.
You're very defensive, but I see that all the time with people that talk to the dead.
Output: Well, I used these yo-yo's to go back in time to fix your life and you didn't do it. You just did the same thing.
You're calling me stupid now?
Output: You said you liked it. You said you liked negative affirmations.
Could you just stay above the table? I'm uncomfortable with you being down there.
Output: I'm just worried about the smoke. I'm trying to keep it contained.
May I speak with you privately? Everything's fine.
Output: We've never spoken alone. I'm just nervous to be around the big boss by myself.
Your majesty, I was thinking about the sacred scroll and what was written on it.
Output: I forgot all about the sacred scroll. It said that there's a little bit of stone on a microscopic level inside of all Cold Stone ice cream.
It's me. I am a phone. But I also turn into a robot.
Output: Wait, you've been listening and understanding us talking?
You're not interrupting a thing. We were just clubbing the air with our sport clubs.
Output: I feel like a great big scorpion that's clubbing the air.
Why are you laughing at me? Is it my voice?
Output: Your voice is very comical for a ghost.
Pussies eat fish. Only pussies. I'm a man's man, I like my steak.
Output: But you ordered 27 cod.
I haven't missed a single performance, Donna, and I'm not intending to miss it tonight.
Output: Well, this is crazy.  You're pregnant, and you're at nine months!  Tonight, you could very well have a baby.
It's a fun day.  We just make a fun game out of it.
Output: Yeah, we put on Katrina and the Waves playlist on iTunes and just jive.
Those kids were talking about our plan, sweetheart. We have to kill those children.
Output: Alright, but this is unfortunate.
Everybody, I'm going to take down the velvet rope and we are together going to help this Irish.... European?....definitely European lady.
Output: I'm Irish and proud of it. Kiss me.
Wait a minute, you look really familiar. There's a kid in our school that disappeared like a year ago, to the day.
Output: Patsy, yeah, that's me. I told myself "if you can survive up to one year in that basement living on nothing but cheese and old reruns, you can make it out alive if you can just find someone to help you."
He threw a rock and knocked out a cop. He has rocks in his house to protect himself?
Output: I thought that was, like, a sculpture. But it's just a bucket of rocks.
Kids, I came here to know your secrets.
Output: Laurent and Charisma, let's go get into the trash and see what happens.
Guys, if we don't move, maybe he won't see us.
Output: But it sounded like they're going to put the cop they knocked out behind the curtain, which is where we are.
Oh my. Are you former president Bill Clinton?
Output: The technical term is "Mr. President." You don't put the "former" in there.
It's no big deal, we all say the n-word from time to time. But not on the bloody news on the telly.
Output: You gotta keep it under wraps, just like fish.
Do you need us to go with you to the club? It might make you feel better if you were accompanied by a man covered in soot on and a woman who's recently learned how to stand up straight?
Output: Yeah, that would make me feel better. Can you link arms with me and skip down this hill?
No, and there're crushed nacho chips all over our apartment.
Output: It's kind of a dust and it gets in your lungs.  It's not good for you!
Me and my sister are oil paintings and we're freelancers. We're available for corporate events.
Output: I can make real live people. But, all of them are unemployed.
Your hand is still frozen in a glass position.
Output: Oh, that's a hook. I used to be a high seas pirate.
I was sitting in my chair asleep and when I woke up, he was shitting on my leg.
Output: It's my fault. I gave bad directions to the bathroom.
We've been getting some complaints from the customers.
Output: It's all a lie.
Did you know that it's daylight savings today.
Output: Oh, my gosh. I'm going to throw off the whole schedule. I can't not be in the show. I'm going to have to do her act.
Wow, 20 million dollars for 1% of my business. That is way over my asking price. I have to go with you.
Output: Wait, you didn't hear my offer yet. My offer is 100 million dollars for 0% of your company. I just want to invest in you and know that you did a good job. I just want to watch you thrive and I just want to be an outsider.
Anchormen hear people talking in their ear all the time when they deliver the news.
Output: Yeah, but they're not trying to trick people into thinking they're not hearing something.
I cannot find any of the relishes.
Output: Oh, the place is a mess. No wonder we are going out of business.
All right, Lieutenant Anderson, this is very dire. We're sending this shiny record into space. I need you to go with it. But this is a one way trip, Lieutenant. You won't be returning.
Output: It's a Justin Beiber CD. The kids say it's dope stuff. We're sending this into space so that if somebody finds it, they'll know that the human race is on track.
Is this true of all Dutch people?
Output: No not all of them. Only the middle children of three get to see the future.
Sir, we really should get you to your speaking engagement.
Output: No, I know Jeff, but listen, I gotta deal with these people and it's going to take a long time.
Mel, you're a superstar. I just wanna let you know that.
Output: Leave me the fuck alone. Stop talking to me.
That's it.  I can't be with someone who doesn't love me for who I am and appreciate the different and finer things I have.?
Output: Well, then I may as well go back to New York.
Buddy Roger has brought us some pint glasses from a local bar.
Output: Oh, let me kiss you on the lips for a long time.
Hey guys, I actually heard what you guys were talking about. Me and my friend Kinghere Somegoal. Would you guys want to like, sit at the same table? Because weddings are a great place to hook up and have champagne.
Output: I mean, that sounds good to me. I don't know about this person I just met for the first time.
Are you peeing on the safe lock?
Output: I told you a while ago I had to pee! I could hold it anymore! But look, it's opening.
You may call me Mr. Friday.
Output: Oh, Friday, that will be easy to remember because Friday is my favorite day of the week.
It's the water cooler area. The coffee is very close by.
Output: It's in the back room.
You changed a lot on the first day of camp.
Output: Well I learned about what's right and what needs to be done.
Well, I mean, why don't we just go over the mountain, right? I mean why did we buy this thing?
Output: I guess we bought this thing to expand our lives. Yeah, let's go over this mountain.
He found a way in. He's coming down the chimney, Larry.
Output: Alright, Boingo. I guess, light a fire.
You guys, I can't keep up this charade anymore. I'm so tired of pretending to have an adventure. I want a real adventure.
Output: Charles, why didn't you say this before? I'd love to have a real adventure.
I start with the reflexes. I'm a little bit of a weirdo.
Output: Well, you're the medical professional.
You've got to be walking in a really tight circle on an airplane.
Output: Yeah, it is. When I used to be able to go into the cockpit, it was a lot easier.
I would get 70% of the money, and you'd get the 30. You're a puppet. Like what do you need money for?
Output: That's a good point. I could buy some more condoms. Unused ones this time.
You know my favorite quality about Troy? His hair.
Output: The spikes? They're very nice. I've never seen anything like it.
We have some shoes here that not all of them are made on this Earth.
Output: It's a cool shoe. It's like, not of this Earth. This is like out of Space.
I told him the bathroom was the first door to his right.
Output: But, he was walking backwards.
Good morning, guys. Orange Julius corporate has decided to change our branding and become a Julius Caesars. We will be going from serving delicious orange frosty drinks to just warm salads on the go.
Output: OK. So, first you change the signs and everything. Then, you tell the workers that it's changing? That seems out of order.
So, do you have an address for me? Or are we just going to drive around looking for the R-BnB?
Output: The second thing. I'm so sorry.
There's no way I want to do this. Why would you just let me go somewhere I've never been before?
Output: Well, I hadn't even considered if you wanted to do this as part of the whole experience.
If an elevator stops working, you are supposed to remove the bulb. Check the currents and then replace the bulb. And from there there's obviously other steps but that's the very first step.
Output: That seems pretty rudimentary. I feel like I could have answered that. You gave her an easy question.
Laura, how can you sleep in that dining booth?  There are people sitting there right now!
Output: Well, there won't be anyone sitting there at 2:15 A.M.  That's when I plan on calling it a night and getting some beauty sleep.
Are we a band that's about plugging crafts or are we an Abba tribute band that's about head configurations?
Output: I have a song that might help clear this up.
Oh, my heavens! It's George Takei! This is very exciting.
Output: I wore the wig and glasses for nothing, I guess. Next time, I'll have to find a big nose to put on.
Yes, the bagels are boiled, but they are burned.
Output: Hold on. You're telling me that you boil a bagel? Let me have a dozen boiled bagels.
Well a drug not going to be a problem because the shot you gave me was only juice. Juice is hardly a drug.
Output: If you test positive, don't worry, this is not the reason why.
I'm a Christian. God invented words. Fuck, shit, balls.
Output: And now you're going straight to hell.
I've hurt your bagel baking family. I am very sorry.
Output: Yes, you have. That is an understatement.
Chambers, what is happening over there? Claude and Madeline seem to be leaving with that family.
Output: They seem to be smiling, which you know is uncustomary in our country.
Claire, could you please ask Ralph what his department is?
Output: I'm overseeing mostly. I'm in charge of operational duties throughout the day. The things that I'm under right now different umbrellas and what not, but my dad does own this particular Home Depot.
What's Madam Lefaeux doing here?
Output: Well, she lives out here now. The desert keeps her dry and the rosé keeps her wet. That's what she keeps coming in and telling us.
Ted Macaroon, we've got to get this shot.
Output: I know, well, it wasn't my idea to shoot this diaper commercial outdoors.
So, here on Shark Tank is Mr. Timmons. What's your first name, Mr. Timmons?
Output: Mister. I'm Mr. Mister Timmons. Both my parents were formal.
Side bar, how old of a baby are you looking for? I have all ages.
Output: It doesn't really matter as long as they can work. I need a really hard worker, do you have any of those?
Legend has it that anyone who gets their hands on the Hazel Diamond instantly becomes an asshole.
Output: Well, I don't want to be an asshole. I feel like a pretty good guy. Other than this steal the Hazel Diamond thing.
Oh, see? He doesn't remember everybody.
Output: Well, I remember half of everybody. Let's put it that way.
Jamal and Jamal. We wouldn't be anywhere else on earth but watching you now.
Output: Yeah, can we just call you white Jamal and just him Jamal since Jamal is a black name?
Holy China, can we stop fighting? This is too aggressive.
Output: Yeah, we've only got two and a half hours before we gotta go out on stage.
We have to consult the jury at the public pavilion court.
Output: I like LeBron James. I feel like we should let him go. He shows up in movies I like. He's fun.
I feel like we didn't see the lack of forest for the trees. We focused so hard on each, tree, right? We didn't see the rest of them not being there.
Output: If god would have wanted us to look at more than one tree at a time he would have given us bigger eyes.
We can put any kind of shit in there we want. They didn't even ask what's in the dish.
Output: No, they didn't. They think it's for wealthy people.
What should we call the cops?
Output: Cops, they never believe us, how many times have we called the cops to come down to the sizzler, they just laugh at us.
GOMS usually affects people that are from somewhere near New Orleans.
Output: Fine, if you must know. I am an agent from the FBI.
I didn't think about the time period that the joke was taking place.
Output: Oh, well, a lot of times I like the context of a joke in terms of what period, so then I know the vernacular of what the joke is told in.
We are satanists though. Misery is our lifeblood.
Output: They're like opposite people, you know?
I'm going to remove my hand now. Do you have any last words, Michael Jackson, ventriloquist dummy?
Output: Yeah, I got something to say. I've had a great couple of hours with you all and I'm glad I got to know you.
We're at the bottom of the goddamn ocean. I don't want to hear rumors about sperm whale's sexuality. I don't want to hear rumors about people from your town. I want to get out of the goddamn ocean.
Output: Captain, captain. Maybe I can get you something to eat? I'll go see what Cookie's doing down in the galley.
Hey, what do you want, babe?
Output: I wish you wouldn't call me that.
Hello, Karen. I'm sorry you're in the Disney jail, but you must have done something to earn it.
Output: I'm not sure. I just sneezed.
I am a traveler from beyond the stars. I come from the planet Feelings. I am full of emotions.
Output: I can see that. You seem to wear them on your metallic sleeve.
Can't we just be normal kids?
Output: We are normal kids taking out feelings of anger on others just like all the Americans now.
So you're trying to stream through the television. Is that using mirroring, or is it a Smart TV?
Output: It's a Smart TV. Well, the last TV before they all became smart.
A cave and a grave are two different things.
Output: This woman is undermining the very reality that our existence is based on.
I feel like you're fighting treating yourself and that worries me.
Output: I guess. I mean, do I really want a $57,000 yo-yo whose creator went insane?
Truer words were never spoken, Clappy.
Output: You don't get to call me Clappy. I'm Claptrap to you. Only Carol can call me Clappy.
I'll take his heart if he don't want it. Complementary, of course, because obviously he don't want his heart.
Output: Two hearts could be confusing. I'm sorry, I have to talk to my manager about this.
Well, I'm not sure if Junebug is qualified, but since Featherman is dead, it seems like Junebug is the perfect candidate.
Output: Also you're outvoted anyway and you're a phone.
Hey there.  You look like an attractive lady.
Output: That's true. I actually am. It's not an image. Everyone tells me so. It's what I'm known for.
Sharon, are you only taking the reins because Chuck chose Marie Claire and not you?
Output: Half, but aren't we being honest? We don't have to look for him anymore though.
Hello, Alfred. I understand you're going to do my sword swallowing, while I do your ham bone.
Output: Yes, I lost track of the calendar. It's freaky Friday.
Girls, be firm, but fair. Remember, he's very sleepy. In the end, you must make an honest assessment on if Rodney is fit to be our butler-cook, or if we must shop for another.
Output: OK, Mom. We'll put him through the normal man-servant tests.
My mama kind of gave up the reigns real soon because she was a dreamer. She's a pretty woman.?
Output: Well you was pretty self sufficient for a small child. You had a business going for like three years by the time of that story.