niryuu/sni-each-converted huggingface dataset:
I look smooth as Summer Chintz China.
Output: Summer Chitz China? Is that like a chinette dining plate?
Secrets, secrets are no fun unless of course you tell someone.
Output: Secrets, secrets must be kept. Secrets, secrets, I'm gonna murder you.
My name is Clarence.
Output: I'm Clarence's mother. I don't like to use my first name.
He landed on his neck, you guys.
Output: You know it was? I think he was looking back up at the window like "I shouldn't have done that." And then the gravity caused him to turn around.
Well, I think we just landed so we might as well get on out EVA suits and go check out the terrian.
Output: Good idea. Remember, we have to put the EVA suits on over our flying suits.
Well, since you're leaving me for another, I guess now's a great time for you to hear that I am leaving you for another.
Output: Yeah, that's what we were saying while you were talking on top of everyone.
We are the spirit and intent of this painting.
Output: Oh, so I am in a painting? OK, that makes sense. I was just taking a walk. I live in New York, the best city in the world.
Well it seems we are at an impasse.
Output: Yeah I'm afraid we are, maybe we can duke it out to decide things?
I was wondering if you would sign my copy of Bulgeman Number Four.
Output: Yeah sure I can do that, I'll sign right there on the bulge!
Everybody left and went to their houses and their jobs for a couple days.
Output: It was a Sunday show and then it was delayed until Friday night.
Mr. Stanfield, do you really want an 80's radio haunting a Circuit City?
Output: Sounds bad for business.
We heard some actors talking and it's going to be pretty rocky tonight. It's going to be all understudies.
Output: Yeah and they're kids from the inner city, so I think a fight might break out.
Rodney, tell us about your family. Please Rodney. Please!
Output: Alright, alright, stop jumping up and down everybody.
Rudy, who would you rather have entering the kingdom of your television station, the people who are entering the kingdom of hell or people entering the kingdom of heaven?
Output: Well, it's TV. We like to get ratings. So, I think some people who are going to hell would be interesting.
Rita, I feel like maybe we should form an alliance. You know what I mean? Because I don't know what's going on with those two.
Output: Oh god, he's clearly unstable and she's obviously got mommy issues.
I've been bagging groceries that way ever since. One egg per bag.
Output: I remember that day. I was your boss. I promoted you.
What is the blood from?
Output: It's probably from an animal.
Oh, I don't know.  I mean, I've listed two pretty good examples.
Output: I know.  You have.  Look, you're not on trial here.  I guess this one is on me to come up with more examples.  Well, they're always putting on golf cleats.  I know that much.
Hey Melissa, your phone was going off.
Output: Oh, I didn't even look at it. I was watching the new Will & Grace.
It's really great that your recognized that this is a Build-a-Bear.
Output: I did a little time at Build-a-Bear, so I know one when I see one.
The sweats were all that were available at the womens shelter.
Output: They have a really robust selection of sweatsuits though, so that's nice.
Who let that chicken in here? This is a sterile space.?
Output: That's a sign of good luck. Chicken, what do you think my young boy is going to grow up to be?
I don't even know why we came to this universe.
Output: Now that you mention it, I don't either. I thought it was your idea.
Yeah, the baby man is supposed to be in this region somewhere. Nobody's found the tomb.
Output: This sounds like a real adventure we could have.
Why did you insist on bringing us to this fancy hotel?
Output: Because they have the best eggs.
We're kind of like a bunch of hobos standing around a fire. One of us can bring a cracker. Others can bring ketchup packages. Together, we can form a meal.
Output: Now, that sounds like a young adult novel.
You will be better off with a man like Bert. Until our relationship went south, I was a very happy woman.
Output: I'm glad you had that happiness. Everyone deserves it.
I tortured a legally blind man by seeing. And another woman, who didn't seem to have anything wrong other than the fact that her elbow was severely mauled, I made her feel bad because she can't feel emotions and I felt my emotions in front of her.
Output: Yes, that's pretty terrible. The lord looks down on people who do things like that. I think you should do 20,000 Hail Mary's. That's a severe crime and the punishment should fit the crime. We're Catholics, so we suffer.
Ma'am did you not see that the temperature is in the 100's today?
Output: I do see that and I am merely saying that it feels good to my body.
This is a cold case, isn't it? It happened millions of years ago.
Output: There are no cold cases. There's only cold hearts in murderers.
I'll take this scarf and take a tourniquet around her leg and oh my god, that's so much blood.
Output: Look at her eyes. Her eyes are going all crazy white.
How much does it cost to take a picture with the ladies?
Output: It's $5 in single bills, not in fives. You can't feed fives into the vending machine and that's how Leg Cramp and I eat.
It's a little soon to be calling me mom. I've only been married to your dad for five years.
Output: I'm sorry, Rosemary.
This is a terrible recording. What am I listening to?
Output: It's our future, Fantastic Sam. It's a kid doing a stand up set.
The Thadeous family has a long distinguished history of witchcraft.
Output: I'm pretty sure that's why you've been cursed to be here.
So, you girls. You're from Malibu, huh? And you want to know about prostitution? We'll tell you everything you need to do.
Output: Yeah, first thing is to make sure you got all your shots.
Why is everyone standing around? Are you all hiding from customers?
Output: I'm helping this young lady. She needs a new toilet.
Wow, it's really coming down.
Output: Yeah, I forgot my umbrella.
It looks like you've eaten a lot of doughnuts that didn't have anything in them.
Output: I've had a few doughnuts, OK. I eat a dozen doughnuts a day. People love a fat hairdresser.
You also said that I could maybe get a Tonka truck.
Output: Are you back talking me, soldier?
Hey, he knows it's Bill Clinton's pen and he's holding onto it.
Output: I admit no such thing. This is just a nice pen that I've had for quite some time.
Not just that!  I also added lotion to toilet tissue.  I got a lot of ideas for every industry, but food is my heart.
Output: That's right!  Puffs Plus toilet tissue!  That was beautiful!
I don't know if you are familiar with this theory I read about. It proposes that all shells in another universe are on land mammals.
Output: Well, we should solve the problems on our planet before we start worrying about other planets.
OK, we should run the machine. We'll have to x-ray his entire head.
Output: The whole thing. A lot of people cut corners and they'll just x-ray the forehead.
I just assumed you spelled your name Teen.
Output: You know, it's funny. I grew up in Naval Base and they always thought it was Tine.
Ladies and gentlemen, once again, we're just deplaning everyone. Once that's done, we're going to de-ice and get everyone back on the plane.
Output: Well, alright, but I just figured out we were on a plane. I'm not sure how we got here.
Yeah, that car is an equal opportunity offender.
Output: Yeah no kidding. Also, it's kind of cool to admit where you're at on the scale of wokeness these days.
I mean we've been in Belfast, Maine for a week. We've got to bring back some good stuff. How about some seafood?
Output: Let's just think about this for one second. The lobster's been delicious, but I'm not taking that on the planes!
I can't do anything, because I'm stuck. But you can get on that train to Detroit.
Output: I should leave the camp?
This singles St. Valentine's Day in July blimp ride is going to be quite the show.
Output: You're single too? Did you see my blocks?
I'm afraid there's no reimbursement for crime. But I don't know how you thought you were going to make money off of children anyway. They're virtual money pits. Do you know how much college costs, let alone food and doctors and sticky-hand cleaner?
Output: I guess I never thought about it. I just wanted to meet their famous parents.
The did threaten to "process us" and I don't know what that means.
Output: That sounds like future death to me. Like some kind of thing where Tony is like the king of a cloning company or something like that.
I do not understand. What would you like to do?
Output: Oh, sorry about that smart phone. I was having a little squabble with my wife.
Look up Ben Jafarge on Wikipedia.
Output: Hold on, I'm trying to figure out my phone. I just got the new iPhone SS. It's a super sport.
My producers are coming tonight from Bass Fishing and Jackpot King. They were expecting to see ham bone tonight, so I think they will be unimpressed by the sword swallowing.
Output: Should you live, Alfred, I think they will be pretty impressed by it.
It looks like an upside-down aeroplane.
Output: Well that's interesting. That adds to the graveyard of many other aeroplanes that are also seafaring crafts.
Tom, we're trying to get a nice gift for our parents. Do you recommend a russet or the red ones?
Output: Russets are for a 30th anniversary. 50th anniversary would be fingerlings.
I'd like to turn both of you into living zoo animals that entertain the real fans as they walk through. I'll let you keep the organ in there.
Output: It's a way for people to stay connected to the past.
If you're gone, it's just me and my cat, Ben.
Output: You know who else has a cat? That weird lady that we tried to hit with a bone.
I'm just going to take my stuff to another laundry mat.
Output: Please don't do that. I'll get blamed. You know, I work on commission.
I want a new nanny.
Output: I want a new charge. Okay? That's what I call you: my charge.
Wait, don't leave. Let me finish folding these towels first.
Output: Folding towels is all you do, woman. All you do is fold towels and make dinner. Take care of me, pay the bills, wash my car. Sometimes I want a woman to be lazy.
I guess you're coming. Everyone hop on my back.
Output: Here we go. Flying into the sky. There's the storm cloud we're looking for.
Can you even print branded stuff if I don't have the copyright to it?
Output: Oh, yeah. You're good. This is the valley. Anything goes here.
It's really important to my mom that I find someone to spend my life with.
Output: I see, but are you doing this for her or for yourself?
What a wearying thing it is to be a God over so many universes. Should I destroy them all and start again? Is that too extreme?
Output: I think they're asking for help. Every time someone asks for help, you don't need to spite them.
I'll get you another bourbon. You want this one with mostly ice again.
Output: Yeah, just, I want it to smell like bourbon. Give me like a notion of bourbon.
I want my wife to have the extra towel. Does it cost extra?
Output: We'll consider it a honeymoon special. It's awfully romantic that you want to get her a second towel.
During the act of making love, I don't know how anyone can deal with Richard's face.
Output: I've asked him to not show me his face during those times now.
Jesus Christ, that child has a gun!
Output: Oh my god, Jimmy Dillon Tristan.
I just really want this murder to work out for us.
Output: I do too. I have an idea. This guy hates dogs.
So we're not gonna have to reach sexual maturity early and have children in here?
Output: Hey, Tobias, can you give me five minutes?
Hey guys. I couldn't help but notice that you guys kind of turned away and you were just kind of talking amongst yourselves.
Output: It was a girl talk thing.
I'll make sure we sing that song any time anyone has a birthday at the restaurant.
Output: Well, we can also sing the regular happy birthday song now that it's in the public domain.
She's got a beautiful voice. Is that why you got the piano?
Output: Isn't it beautiful? We used to sing to each other.
Oh my god, that giant's coming over here.
Output: His name is Claude and he's part of my tribunal. I'd appreciate it if you were nice to him.
Hang on a minute. I've got to cover up all of this ice cream right now because I'm about to rage out, and if I rage out all of the flavors are going to get mixed together, and we can't have that?
Output: So what, you're going to put the lids back on the tubs?
We get we get them all, sir.
Output: All right. Do you get the one where people think that your logo is a Satanist thing?
Maybe I should change my name from Claptrap to Carson. Or maybe you could give me a name, Carol.
Output: Aw, kiddo, I think that's such a huge responsibility. I'm honored. I think your name should be something powerful. Something valiant. So how about Erik? It's a Viking's name, I think. You saved all of our lives.
Life, is but a show that recurs every half fortnight.
Output: Is that the WB frog talking?
I would like a water sample. They're free, right?
Output: Yes, these are free, but these bigger bottles over here are for sale.
See these things on my chest? These are all buttons that they gave me for being a long way away from fronts. I told people where to go and do things.
Output: Yeah, there's a lot of salad on your shirt there, General.
LeBron, the rest of the team has left. You're going to have to take these kids and play the basketball game.
Output: Just these two adorable children? Do you have a net because they are flying around this room.
I would never take time off work. I love it here.
Output: What's she going to do, sit around not making money?
Okay. Well, thanks for the book about ross perot, sis. Yeah. Appreciate this coupon. I guess saving money is cool.
Output: Those are the most sincere thank yous I have ever received.
I can't do anything without the smoke smell getting on my nerves.
Output: Mom, that's a beautiful song. I know how hard it is for you when daddy smokes. That was really beautiful singing.
So is this where we do the dishes at Cracker Barrel?
Output: This is where people at least suggest the idea of washing dishes. Mostly they just sit here and we spray them a couple times.
Mommy?  Daddy?  Uncle Jim is scaring me.
Output: He's all scaring us, Beatrix.  We're terrified of him.  He's changed.
Wow, that wind is still blowing outside and keeping business away.
Output: They did not forecast this. We should have a backup plan for windy days.
Is that your writer friend with my wife down there in the parking lot?
Output: I don't know I've just been watching what's happening, not who the people are. I find that's easier and when I'm doing my little covert tryst watching.
I'm so happy we got married.
Output: Me too. I told you I wasn't old. I have the spirit of a young lady.
You're so smart. Did I also read that you got two simultaneous PhDs?
Output: You read that. In semibiotics and also medicine.
That guy is my nemesis. We went to middle school together and he just loves throwing parties and having people over to his house, the McCormick place. Maybe you've heard of it?
Output: I have, but what's funny is that he's very shy.
This is definitely a special town, especially if we're going to allow you to remain alive and not incarcerated after you murdered 100 people.
Output: Yeah, I'm just going to take these diamonds and get the fuck out of here. Then you won't have to worry about it.
I feel like you're attacking me right now, Madame President. I'm the messenger.
Output: I'm sorry. I'm getting very heated right now.  I understand you're bringing me the message, but nonetheless.
I had a dream that I would discover an ancient civilization that nobody ever heard of before, right here.
Output: Right here in Fallsburg?
I tell you, I don't keep up with the goings on too much in this area because I'm a bit of a hermit. You're the first people I've seen in weeks and weeks. That's why I came out, I heard voices.
Output: Can I say, you seem pretty outgoing for a hermit.
You're already starting to speak more like a human being and less like a robot.
Output: This is actually how I'm supposed to sound?
I can't figure out if it's a coincidence or if you're blaming us for the king's disappearance
Output: I'm blaming you because that drunkard came in here and stole the king.
Would you like a hot dog, half man dog?
Output: No, I just get them for free because I work here.
Well, I barely heard you walk in here, so it must be working.
Output: Thank you. It is. I should be a cat burgler.
I masturbated on a cat.
Output: Twice.
I juggle crawdads. Does that count as an instrument?
Output: It's percussive. Hell, yeah. That will make a slapping sound. I'll get my cousin to sample it and we'll lay it down on a track. It will be the craw daddy track.
Why? Why would they let us perform open heart surgery?
Output: Because if the mother fucker died, they could blame it on us.
What about somebody that sword swallows? That's what I'm doing in the show tonight.
Output: It said you were doing ham bone in the flyer though.
Where is the bag of circus peanuts?
Output: It's gone. I ate them all and the plastic bag.
I am worried about our space force. I fear that we are going the wrong way.
Output: Well, that boy is still out there, full of gay sperm.
Yes, I have certain things I'd like to say about this very complicated case.
Output: Me too. I've been around longer than most of you and I got wisdom.
I like it. You're real folksy. That's cool.
Output: Thanks so much. Maybe I'll run for office.
I remember the tragedy of that accident, it was awful.
Output: It spread all the way out here to the Indian Reservation, huh? It was a local story. Didn't know it would be such a big deal.
The spilled lettuce does look good though on your pants.
Output: I thought it was like a cool patch.
Take a right to enter Detroit, the city.
Output: Here we go, our journey's end.
Craig, we were supposed to bring the bad guys in alive! Shit!
Output: In my defense, he said "get her". It set me off. I saw red.
Whoa, wait am minute. Are you the archangel Gabriel? I thought you looked familiar.
Output: Yeah, it's like me and Michael. We're the two most popular.
My name is Larry. Doctor Larry.
Output: Oh, a doctor. I'm glad you wore a tie.
Sally, I really appreciate you giving me a shot at this job. I'm not them most hardware-y guy. So, I mean, is it OK if this nice lady shows me around the store?
Output: He was very helpful. His willingness to serve a customer was apparent. He just doesn't know anything.
Now, Mister, I am a progressive woman. I don't just sit back and watch. Now, if I'm going to bet my hundred dollars, I'm going to be spending that wheel. Thank you very much.
Output: That has not been the way we have done things previously, but whatever. Go ahead.
Mr. Clooney, you're not on the list. I don't know why you would just show up.
Output: I heard there is high end sushi here.
Ted is so jealous of me because of my two arms. I'm a two armed lighthouse keeper.
Output: Yes, you're a beacon with limbs.
Wait, are you guys committing time crimes here? No one told me this when I signed on.
Output: Of course. We're in international space. The laws don't apply here.
I almost choked on a piece of meat. But I taught the children to do what you told me to do, to use the universal sign for choking.
Output: It's not universal yet, but it will be soon.
I don't know if this is something we should get mixed up in. They're talking about some kind of civil war or something.
Output: Well, if there's anything the Scotch Irish know how to do is participate in civil war.
There is constantly an Ellen Paige in there?
Output: Yeah, it's an Ellen Paige type.
Listen, all you people, I kicked you out of my store. But you stayed her anyway, and more people showed up, including my old nemesis/old best friend Alexandro.
Output: Lisa, hi. I didn't realize this was your Baskin Robbins.
You want this coat? It's a factory mistake. It's 12 feet long.
Output: Of course you think it's a mistake, just like me. You get rid of everything you think is a mistake, if it's not perfect. I'm sorry I wasn't stitched together right, dad. You just wait, my name is going to be famous one day.
Everyone in my life leaves and I thought you were just like them.
Output: This probably won't make sense to you. But,I'm like an invisible pen. I'll always be near by even if you can't see me.
You can do laundry at my place. I've got a washer and dryer in the basement of my building.
Output: Oh, my God. I would love that because I just left my husband and kid.
Jenine, if you're car hadn't run out of electricity in Shadow Grove, you never would have asked me my story and gotten all of this set in motion.
Output: That's right. They probably would have never noticed that you were sitting in their ice cream shop.
How did you find me here in Madrid?
Output: I didn't. I gave up. I didn't. I gave up. I heard Madrid's where you come when you don't know what your thing is anymore.  Yeah, I also just love meat.
Yeah, fireman work hard. I've hung around there and those guys keep moving.
Output: And also, I can't get back up the pole. The fireman pole. And I can't find the stairs.
I'm shocked that you're 80 years old. I would have thought that you are 70.
Output: Oh, thank you. I drink water. Except when I'm drinking wine.
Oh, I can dance.
Output: Well, I'd like to see that.  As the only legal representative in this building, I decree this gentleman must participate in a dance off.  It's an all garage dance off.  Whoever dances the best decides whether or not he gets a rearview mirror or whether you have to turn your garage over to him and then he sets the prices.  That's right.  I'm eccentric.
Wait a minute. I'm getting the sense that all of our jewelry is cursed.
Output: Well, yeah, Gerald. Duh.
Yes, you are in the right place. Hi, how're you doing? My name is Catalina.
Output: Okay. My name is Jonathan and I'm here for the R-star repair segment.
Wait, you know our old RA?
Output: I am the reincarnation of his mother into a lifeless puppet.
Listen, Marianne. I want you to take that GPS and I want you to throw it out the window because we don't need it.
Output: Larry, you're right. Oh god, here I go.
Wow, you are old. I would have never guessed.
Output: Oh, I have a great plastic surgeon.
I want to be the best painter, ever.
Output: You have to sacrifice your entire family.
Is that peacock yours?
Output: Yep, do you want some peacock milk?
Why are you wearing that ridiculous mustache? You barely spirit gummed it on.
Output: I'm wearing this fake mustache because my father could never grow a mustache, so I had this fear of mustaches, and I'm trying to maybe wear one now.
You mortals are in big, big trouble.
Output: I have a question. I didn't eat the apple. I was just hanging out. Why should I be punished?
It's kinda spooky in here.
Output: Yeah, I know we're here for like a flirty sleepover, I just don't know if I feel like it's just sexy-dangerous or if this is truly danger-dangerous.
I'm just addressing business bodies right now. Y'all both in your business bodies?
Output: I'm always in my business body at work.
We ran some plays on the plane and I think these two are fully ready.
Output: You ran full basketball plays on a plane?
Mommy, after you go on your honeymoon with my new daddy, is life going to be different?
Output: Well, he'll be coming home with me and living here with us, so that will be a change.
Ever since Tobias died, I can hear his voice and he guides me through. I think he's gonna help us get out of here, Casey.
Output: Oh, so we're not gonna have to reach sexual maturity early and have children in here?
Madam Prime Minister.  Ever since the all night sushi places have been open, all the Dutch people have been poisoned by bad sushi, as if somebody had plans of world domination beginning with eliminating our people through bad sushi.
Output: Dear people, I must resign.  I have failed you.
Wow, I mean, this really looks like a regular old house.
Output: That's what you're supposed to think, but it's not a regular old house, it's a former shipping container.
Sandy, the surgery's over. How do you feel?
Output: My back is really hurting a lot.
I took a can of soup and I tried to turn it into a swimming pool for dogs.
Output: Wait a minute, Doris, wouldn't you be interested to know if there's a world out there in which you succeeded with your swimming pool, and another where you didn't? To see what happened?
Father? It took a very long time to decide which dimension to go to. Each dimension is very special in its very own way.
Output: Of course it is, like Little Egg. The citizens walk around with peanut shells and it's Easter all year long.
I thought someone would have taken out his teeth already.
Output: Uh, no, it got missed in the whole funeral proceedings.
Well, I mean, it's your store. Of course, you can do whatever you want.
Output: I bought it with my own two wallets. I'm two-wallet Sally.
I think that he probably, in his mind, calculated he was just going to twist his ankle or something. But then he looked up at the window and, you know, the inertia. I don't know if I used inertia right. You know what I mean, though.
Output: Objects in motion are going to stay in motion.
I hope I lose my virginity to Claude. The guy that I saw, he's over there.
Output: The giant? You have a crush on that giant?
The Garfield comic this week was incredible.
Output: Incredible? What was so incredible about it?
Rodney, why did you take our daughters to visit prostitutes without asking us first?
Output: They wanted to go, sir. You've been keeping them inside that ivory tower like some sort of Repunzels, but you won't even let them let their hair down.
This is my dream. I've always wanted to be a factory worker, and now I'm doing it. If we move all the boxes today what's my tomorrow?
Output: Hey, Junebug, I think we're warehouse workers. I'm sorry to break your dream right in half.
Oh, he's back. That fellow who ran out.
Output: They kicked me off the bus.
My name is officially spelled with a C, but it's Larissa for short if you're so inclined.
Output: I like to work for it. I'm going to call you Clarissa.
That was one of the most gruesome things I've ever witnessed in my life.
Output: That's a lot of blood. It's everywhere.
When you go to your uncle's house, it will be like you're in the land of make-believe.
Output: Oh, that sounds lovely. How will that make me harden up though?
Yes, we have a spare refrigerator that we'd like to send to my brother's family in Newark.
Output: That's pretty expensive to ship. But I'd be happy to help you.
There goes Steve. There goes Steve.
Output: Open up your taxes and your mouth.
I do need a bike. A raccoon stole mine and I had to watch him ride away on it, and I guess I just need to replace it. But I need it to be inexpensive because I wasn't expecting to have this expense come into my life.
Output: I totally get it. I'm just saying, I noticed a lot of sadness behind them. I just think we can maybe help you figure out your biking needs and that will help alleviate any pain.
OK, well, this is Quiznos and you're nude.
Output: I just wanted to show you that I was prepared to get close to the thing that makes the sandwiches hot and that I'm not afraid. I realize that as a sandwich artist, the number one requirement is don't be afraid of heat.
You seem tense. Let me give you a massage.
Output: Mr. President, why don't you look out the window. See the sights?
You know, it's okay to ponder these things sometimes.  There're no answers to love.  I was first introduced to love when I saw that movie.  You know, Michael J. Fox gets into a DeLorean.  I think that's what it was called.  Michael J. Fox gets into a DeLorean.
Output: Yeah, I saw it.  It was a double feature with human-like reptile people who know karate.
Yeah, we're at Quiznos, man. If I didn't want it toasted, I would go to Jersey Mikes.
Output: A lot of people are not getting their Quiznos sandwiches toasted now. Cool people are doing it.
Where did you go for three minutes?  You were just telling us about how you used to hustle.
Output: You know, a hustler never stops hustling.
You're bleeding on the toes of my shoes.
Output: I'm so sorry. The elevator door keeps closing on my hand.,
Here are your wings. They're so heavy.
Output: That they are. They are made of metal and bird.
Do you want to clown or do you want to clown around? There's a significant difference.
Output: I want to clown. I thought with clowning, I would be learning juggling and stuff from you, but all I do is get water and fruit.
Is your name Anus? That's what your monogrammed suitcase says.
Output: Those are my initials. My first name is Albert. My middle name is Sam. My last name is Nesbit-Umbrella.
Excuse me, Miss, but are you Cincinnati Emily, The Ohio Crusher?
Output: That's right, straight from the sausage capitol of the United States.
I've decided I don't need you in two weeks. I need you today.
Output: Oh, Catarina. This man is trying to take you away from the only family you have known here in America.
I've got a bit of bad news for you. This restaurant isn't a theme restaurant. It's just a fancy steakhouse.
Output: This is like the time we went to Ruth's Chris and no one was named Ruth or Chris.
It's just that you taking one in the bathroom is just you going in there and just hanging for a while.
Output: Yeah, I gotta take a hang. I'm stressed out.
Celeste, this is a Planet of the Apes mask. I took it from the warehouse. I want you to put it on.
Output: Bobby, I'd do anything for you.
You should get all of the ideas in your head about your mother.
Output: OK. Great. What do you think about carbon dating?
I can tell you a joke about fish. Why did the fish swim underwater? Be-cod it could.
Output: Be-cod it could. And you hit that "d" so hard.
Any information we had on these two criminals was put into the computer and it created these two holograms.
Output: Exactly. For some reason it comes out to make it look like they are marionettes.
The road from Lima is a bumpy one. Sometimes, the mask gets in the way of my driving skills.
Output: OK. No one ever said you should wear the mask, while you're driving.
It's one thing that I lost a wife, but I feel like everybody's being a little too OK with it.
Output: Can I be honest with you? People weren't overly-fond of Alyssa. People felt that Melissa wasn't as religious as she could have been, you know, compared to everybody else. She just seemed regular.
I would just like to discern what brow mopping exactly is.
Output: It's like this. I take out my handkerchief and I mop my brow, so as to make a point and to say this is all very weary.
Yeah, sea cows. They call them that because they sort of resemble a cow if it were swimming around in the sea. It doesn't mean they are cows.
Output: Wait, can I say something? You're saying they don't eat wet hay? But you can tell from my story they do.
Doris, I need you to focus for just one second. I've got two questions for you.
Output: I got three for you. How are you, where have you been, what's going on?
Have you ever been to the haunted hayride before?
Output: Every year of my life, since I was a baby.
I hate that magic marker noise. Slats, you're killing me over here.
Output: We gave you a couple pencils so you didn't have to do that anymore.
You live in this town. You've told us you've practiced for over 100 years, and I assumed you were exaggerating.
Output: Well, I'm only slightly exaggerating. I've been practicing law for roughly 80 years.
We've never been to Joe's Crab Shack before. We're just trying to get the lay of the land.
Output: I understand that, but this is my daughter's birthday, so I'd like to get this going.
Well, here we are in the law room with all the books.
Output: Here, I'll take down a pile of laws from the shelf.
You turned your family to stone for no reason. I'm a jerk, OK?
Output: You're saying I had the power all along?
Well, darling, I just want you to be happy. And Carol, She just seems like maybe she's not the right one for you.
Output: How could you say that! Don't you remember I told you that she was the girl of my dreams? Like that I literally dreamed about her, I prophesied it.
You guys want anything from this flask?
Output: Oh, yeah. What do you have in there?
I don't know why they didn't give us our own furniture, it's infuriating. I did come here with my own allen wrench, thank god.
Output: They gave us Ikea gift cards and said "go nuts."
It might take my whole 3 hour shift to move those computers. No one hires full time workers anymore.
Output: It's because of  budget cuts. You saw what happened to Circuit City.
Try these snacks. I just fucked around real quick and made these things. 
Output: Okay, but we're not going to stop talking about how brilliant you are.
Ma'am, our daughters went to the bathroom with you 8-9 minutes ago and we haven't seen them.
Output: Oh, yeah.They're just taking turns in there. They'll be just a second.
Sir are you quite done?
Output: Oh yeah, sorry. I'll sit back down.
We can just say at the beginning, "Please remove your shoes".
Output: We want to trick them into it. Say because the Oscars are so Asian, let's go ahead and honor them by taking your shoes off.
We'll always have these tattoos to remember this journey.
Output: That's right.  All of us got the same exact tattoo.
OK, I'm just going to start to move the gel around with my hands.
Output: Put more arm in it! Use your arm more.
That's a lot of celery, licorice and grapes if we get them on the bus and at the venue.
Output: Look at me. I'm 68. Do I look it?
Why don't you make the haunted hayride this year Jim themed.
Output: Oh, OK. That's what I need to write down. When she talks sometimes, my mind wanders.
Don't call us friends. We met in line. Then, you threw me under the bus.
Output: No, I gave you a ticket and I watched you die. It was ironic.
Excuse me, sir. Are you going to eat the rest of that fortune cookie? I've been eyeing it for the last 6 hours.
Output: You can have it. It's just like every other fortune cookie I've had. I put half of it in my mouth hoping for something good and I was very disappointed.
Yes, somebody right now is saying it.
Output: That's like saying someone's house is being robbed right now. Right now, somewhere, someplace, someone is saying that no two slices of ham are the same. Pat, this isn't like you.
How have I made it to adulthood and a successful state and having businesses, the burial ground and whatnot, and I've only been been living under the assumption that there's only one dimension.
Output: I think it is the lot off the cemetery baron to be ignorant of the various dimensions other than life and death.
I know I said I would sweep off the solar panels and I did it. I just didn't do it when you wanted me to. I can't go through this visit with you mad at me. I can't do it.
Output: I just want everything to be perfect. I'm not mad at you. I'm a little mad at you, I won't stay mad at you. I'm currently mad at you, it will not last.
France is such a, you know, a free place.
Output: It is.  I mean, people, uh, they do what they like.  They have a mistress.  They have two mistresses.
OK. We're going to implant Orca memories into you. We expect that it will be really sad.
Output: These electrodes are starting to itch. Are they supposed to itch?
I'd like to call them little Twitters if that's OK with you.
Output: Well, that was my grandfather's name.
Before we decide if we're going to stay on this whale or not, I gotta know who I'm rooming with.
Output: Well, you know me. I'm Tad. I'm just a simple guy. I'm a Lieutenant in the Navy.
I've got the hardest job of all the wives.
Output: You've got the hardest job? I'm the one who has to watch the movies. I think you've got the plum job.
Do you have to wash those clothes before you give them back?
Output: I'm supposed to, but I don't.
He'll take you to your table. Show 'em how it's done, Bob. Here's your moment to shine.
Output: Alright, right this way. Here's your table. Are you celebrating anything?
You guys, we did it. We escaped from hell.
Output: This is a chance for us to start over, I think. But, maybe we should be in two different stories.
I have only learned how to slightly sword swallow. This will be an interesting show.
Output: Alfred, before you die, would you mind putting in a word for me with your producers as the new host of Bass Fishing and Jackpot King.
I gotta stay with my man. But I want you to go.
Output: I will go, mama/sister/wife. I will leave you, daddy-master. I will find my sisters and we will start a new life.
Celebrities are the best of us.
Output: They don't deserve to walk on dirt.
Mr. Tummy, why did you even come to the play if you're already dead.
Output: The corn field holds that secret.
What do you ever do JoHan? What do you ever do?
Output: I sing my heart out while I'm sawing off kneecaps. I try my best.
Your eyes are so pretty. You have lashes like a girl, but you still wear them in a masculine way.
Output: I get them trimmed when they get too long. So I'm still somewhat masculine.
How cold does a dead chicken need to be??
Output: I wish I could make one of them dead chickens come back to life so it can tell me. I never asked a chicken a question.
We have a collection of hinges that range from small and workable to massive. It's more hinge than door, how's that?
Output: That's what I'm looking for in a ship door.
You hips are so feminine and that's why your name is Bruce.
Output: God damn it Bruce. You have to go and find that woman.
It sounds like it's absolutely your fault they use drugs. You're their crack rock.
Output: Wait, so I am drugs? That doesn't even makes sense. This box sucks.
Devon, I'm so out of my mind excited that you invited all of us fucking awesome people to your house.
Output: Well, listen. I'm happy to have everyone here. Don't thank me. You gotta thank Karen.
Jazz, how are you?
Output: I'm, you know. I'm full of gasoline.
Do you still need to do laundry?
Output: Well, all my clothes are in the laundromat, so eventually, I need to get those.
They call him the Chicken-preneurs. Mr. Simmons has been running this chicken farm and cold storage facility since he was a baby. Mr Simmons? A lot of our viewers I'm sure would like to know: what is the optimal temperature for a chicken in a cold storage facility??
Output: Well, you know, a lot of people would ask me that question and I, I brought my lawyer here with me today because I don't feel like making eye contact or answering direct questions about chickens.
Ronnie, are you alright?
Output: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It went down the wrong pipe. It was too wet.
Thank you mom. I would never watch anything else. The only thing I watch is Lavar Burton.
Output: And that is how I raised you. And that is how you will be forever.
Is everyone ready to have your book signed?
Output: Yes, Harvey. This fella in the mask was up first.
Look, I don't mean to seem crazy, okay? But shit comes alive in here at night. Who's to say at some point you weren't a crack rock in an envelope or a box that somebody mailed to somebody and you somehow got stuck as an anthropomorphic crack rock.
Output: But now is it a Beauty and the Beast type situation? Where now I'm a man?
You're a big deal. Absolutely. I'm just saying, that some of the negative side effects are coming out. You're not a body builder. You're not some sort of athlete. You don't need this raging testosterone in your body.
Output: I don't need this doubt, you know what I mean? I mean, this is why dad left because you just sat and you took it. And if I'd started that testosterone earlier, I coulda done something about it. I coulda kept him here.
Fred, we're going to send you to Kansas. You're going to pretend to be a Kansasian.
Output: What kind of accent do they have? Is it specific? I don't want to have to give up my white linen suit.
Excuse me, Dr. Glitter. The nurses are going to roller skate out for lunch. Do you need anything?
Output: Just more glitter.
One day I'll burn this place to the ground.
Output: That's a direct threat, i'm taking my salmon rolls back, I'm not going to bring snacks to these meetings anymore.
Is the murder going to be the gum?
Output: It will be murder by gum. Here on page 5, one of the characters is forced to eat so much gum that he dies.
Perhaps I reacted a little bit harshly.?
Output: Is that because you're wearing suede and it's going to rain?  Because that's the only reason I could think for your mood to change so dramatically.
Hey, Charles. Can you give us two seconds to talk about our poster?
Output: We just need two seconds, babe. I know this is onstage at our wedding, but it won't take long.
Kay, I am a magical fairy.
Output: You woke me up.
Why is that fighting couple over there looking back towards us?
Output: I feel like they want to bring other people into their hostile whirlpool.
Charlie, the other thing that we notice about you is that you tell people that your father's sending you secret messages from India through soap operas.
Output: Yeah, he is. He talks through Patch from Days of Our Lives.
People would come from all over to see these corporate fat cats be possessed by Daryl Stanfield and murder themselves.
Output: Yes, I like that. We'll have a bus go to DC, pick a bunch of assholes up, bring them here and then you'll kill each and every one of them.
Mom, you want us to apologize to you or to that stupid little dumb kid?
Output: Be nice and don't call him stupid. He's your cousin. He's very good at table tennis.
Shoot me instead! I just assumed that's where this is going.
Output: Wait, I can't let you die. I just met you and you convinced to me to start eating ham again. So, you're basically my best friend. I'm looking at both of ya. So both of you can take my compliment.
These guys, they're making these crazy doughnuts and they're going to be very cagey about it, you know?
Output: OK, fine. I'll let you do the talking. But let's get these doughtnuts and get out of here.
OK. It's open. Now we just have to walk up about 100 God damn stairs.
Output: I've practiced at home on a ladder. I shouldn't get too tired.
There's been, as you know, a knock off Wreck-it Ralph running around abducting children and selling them to park employees.
Output: My ten children were taken.
I hate the times we live in they are awful.
Output: Yeah you're right. Would you have to look this hard for a hard working child in a functioning society?
Well, to be fair, we look exactly alike.
Output: And we sound exactly alike.
We're looking for talent outside the box, something new that people haven't thought about. 
Output: Something that's fishing and gambling would be good too because people are digging it.
Daniel and Beth, you guys can be most helpful by stalling. That's your specialty. Stay here. 
Output: What do you say, Beth? One last stall together before we go our separate ways?
Lady, you're literally wearing a fucking crown. You  have a crown and a sash. Can I hold your septor?
Output: You know what? Claires was having a sale. I got this free when I got my ears pierced for the fourth time.
Bless you, I'm Mike. Jesus and his Savior and all that. I had this t-shirt custom made.
Output: Well, it's nice to have extra time, I guess to do crafts and stuff.
I'm a little underweight and I'm supposed to drink my mango juice and coke.
Output: You should drink it. You're way too thin, Thomas. Don't you want to get big and beefy like me?
Oh, that felt so good. I feel like I should still work here.
Output: I'm sorry, you're a queen but you still want to work here at the Kay Jewelers?
Oh, I get it.  I'll just move out and find another dumpster.  I suppose that's no problem for a woman my age in this cold, cold climate.
Output: Well, you're being so open to it now.  I kind of wish I would have just asked you to do that instead of using a magical wish.
I really like the curtains you put up in here.
Output: Thank you. It was getting a little ratty in there, no pun intended, and I was like hey, just because that rat lived here, it doesn't need to look like a rat's nest.
Yes, everyone has a job. We're not keeping track of your daughter everywhere we go. Be a real dad, you know?
Output: Excuse me? Your kids are adopted.
Mary was in some rapids and they shook her up pretty good.
Output: I'm sorry to hear that. She got slurped into a Maytag?
Millionaire, do you have any catering set up for this carnival?
Output: I've got my full pantry and I've just been making everything myself.
That's what I wanted. I want songs.
Output: My songs are licensed. Those two are doing spoofs.
It might be a health code violation if Joshua dies inside  the store.
Output: Yes, we could keep that quiet. That will be the least of everyone's problems.
Bye Wilt Chamberlain's ghost.
Output: What a nice guy.
Maybe we can dazzle them with a heartwarming school play.
Output: It's gonna have to be real quick and real dazzling.
The God damn Savannah train leaves at 10:00 am.
Output: OK. So, I just have to spend the rest of the day and night here in Charleston, SC and then tomorrow, I can return to Savannah, Georgia.
You know, I'm a little worried. It's a pretty wide river, and it's getting deep.
Output: Yeah it is. It's getting deeper with the rain, isn't it?
You know what this means? The x-ray project that might have won science fair is now disqualified.
Output: It's got vomit on it. There's no way she can win now.
Excuse me, are you a dolphin?
Output: Yes I am dressed as a dolphin. I'm working under cover.
Is it OK if I go talk to Mr. Wiki?
Output: Yeah, just don't get any smoke on that designer suit.
Stop hogging all the questions. Ma'am, you know how to lock and unlock things, right?
Output: Are you saying that because I'm black?
You mean, you very deftly without us even being aware of it, put Peyote inside of us?
Output: I got a lot of skills. You gotta learn skills when you work at the salt and sea.
So we'll do it. We're going to buy these children.
Output: Awesome. I'm going to be so rich.
You just have to write your name to get started. Just your name. You know you name.
Output: Yeah, but also, I'm confused about my name because my parents fight about it all the time.
He's a baritone like you wouldn't believe. I have to put him on helium because it turns me on so damn much to hear it.
Output: My voice is so deep. Sally keeps me on helium so my voice is high like this.
Guys, are we ready to move on? I've been watching all this from storm drain heaven.
Output: Sorry, we're just indulging in a little post coital mysticism.
How is this not you? I thought it was you.
Output: You thought James Patterson, the famous author - the guy whose books you read - you haven't looked at the back of the book, honey? You thought he was me?
Your grandmother's name is Grandfather?
Output: She insisted on being Grandfather. It was sort of a test. If you called her grandmother, then she knew you weren't really paying attention.
You two really don't get out much, do you?
Output: I can never leave. My helmet cracked and I can't.
Jim? Tim? I immediately forgot your name and thought it was Jim.
Output: Boy, you do meet a lot of people. No wonder you can't keep track of them.
What I was going to suggest is sending Cheryl back to the future. It's not that hard.
Output: Adam, I think you've got a good point. But let's send Eve instead of Cheryl.
This thing's good. It's got dill in it.
Output: I'm not surprised. That cook looked very committed to his work.
I'm looking for a way to get out of here. Help me.
Output: OK. I'm not supposed to do this, but I do know that there is a portal to a child's bedroom.
You never had an ounce of remorse?
Output: I had.  I had a tablespoon of I'm sorry about it, but that's as far as it went.
Now, do I have to put Old Bay on things? I'm violently allergic but I don't want to be that woman. That man is already staring at me. Sir, is something interesting happening?
Output: I'm just trying to order, man.
Oh, you're talking about changing the name from the Matterhorn to the Yeti. I thought you were saying you changed it once more.
Output: Oh, for Christ's sake, Brent, you act like you've been living in a hole for 45 year.
Teacher, can we open the window? It's July and it's so hot in this classroom.
Output: That wouldn't really make sense. Giraffes don't have  windows and we need to experience what they experience.
I'm thinking about phasing out of the movie business and back into the contraption area. What do you think of that?
Output: I think it's a fine idea. You're the most honest fella I've ever met.
This ghost is really kinda hurting my mojo, you know?
Output: He's pacing a lot, he's not making eye contact, he's not threatening. I get it.