1897 England: The schooner Demeter is nearing England. The crew is dead,and the captain is lashed to the wheel. Dracula has arrived.2000 London: Matthew Van Helsing [Christopher Plummer], an aging collector of antiques, and hisprotegee Simon Sheppard [Jonny Lee Miller] are discussing the purchase of a medieval crossbowthat Matthew means to add to his personal collection in the Carfax Museum.Among the artifacts on public display, Carfax Museum also houses aheavily-protected vault, and no one knows what it contains. It must bepretty valuable, though, so another employee, Solina [Jennifer Esposito], has arranged tobreak into the vault and steal whatever is in there.While Matthew sits in his office at the end of the day, Solina andher companions (Marcus, Trick, Nightshade, Dax, Charlie, and J.T) breakthe computer codes and make their way to the main vault, passing numerousvampire skulls and crosses along the way, only to find...a coffin. No onewould think to look for treasure in a coffin, they reason, so this must beit. In searching for a way to open it,Eddie and Dax are impaled by spikes causing an alarm to go off in in Matthew's office. "It's not possible!" Matthew whispers to himself, arms himself with a gun thatshoots silver bullets, and goes down to the vault to find that the coffinis gone, the thieves having removed it through a hole they've blasted inthe vault's wall. "God help us all!" Matthew exclaims.When Simon comes into work the next day, he finds Matthew preparingto travel. But Matthew won't reveal where he is going, so Simon followshim...all the way to New Orleans.New Orleans: Mary Heller [Justine Waddell] is awakened by a dream in which a vampire isattacking her. Mary has been having this dream for all her life and findsthem troubling enough that she is receiving counseling from her familyfriend, Father David [Nathan Fillion]. She thinks the dreams have to do with something thathappened to her mother before she died, and she thinks Fr David might knowwhat it is. But Fr David isn't talking. On the other hand, Mary'sroommate, Lucy Westerman [Colleen Fitzpatrick] thinks that all Mary needs is a real man in herbed. But it's Mardi Gras, and Mary vows not to let it bother her.Meanwhile, the thieves are transporting the coffin on a cargo plane.Still trying to open it, Nightshade cuts himself. His blood is sucked intothe coffin and the lid opens to reveal a body, a bunch of leeches, and acrucifix set with a ruby. As Nightshade searches the coffin for more treasure,Dracula [Gerard Butler] awakens. One by one, the thieves are drained of their blood, andthe plane ultimately crashes in a swamp near New Orleans, the pilot lashedto his seat. While newscaster Valerie Sharpe [Jeri Ryan] is covering the crash,Dracula emerges from the swamp and makes her his second vampiress (Solinabeing first).Matthew and Simon go to the townhall where the bodies from the planecrash have been taken. By now, they're all vampires. Matthew and Simonmanage to destroy some of them, but Solina and Marcus escape. As Matthewand Simon drive away, Matthew finally fills Simon in on what's happening.Stoker's Dracula is real, he says, and Matthew Van Helsing is reallyAbraham Van Helsing, kept alive by injections of Dracula's blood, which hehas been filtering through leeches. Van Helsing has been keeping Dracula'sbody ever since he bested him in 1897. Unlike other vampires, who can bedestroyed by piercing their hearts or cutting off their heads, Draculacannot die, and Van Helsing intends to remain alive until such time as hecan learn the secret to Dracula's origin and find the way to end him. Sofar, all he has managed to learn is that Dracula hates God and is repulsedby all things Christian. He also reveals that he (Van Helsing) hasfathered a daughter, Mary Heller, and that Dracula has come to New Orleansto find her. The two decide to go looking for Mary, Van Helsing to herhouse and Simon to the Virgin Megastore where she and Lucy both work.Dracula is apparently following the same plan. He comes to Virginlooking for Mary, but Lucy tells him that she isn't there. Lucy takesDracula home to wait for Mary. Dracula seduces Lucy and turns her intovampiress #3. When Simon arrives at Virgin, Mary has returned. Simon triesto tell her about her father. As they leave the shop, Simon is attacked byMarcus. "Never ever fuck with an antiques dealer," Simon warns Marcus justbefore beheading him. Meanwhile, Van Helsing arrives at Mary's house, onlyto find Dracula waiting for him. "You can't have her!" Van Helsingexclaims, but Dracula refuses to listen. "You stole life from my blood andpassed it to another," he hisses. "She's MY Mary now." With that, Draculakills Van Helsing by tossing him into a mirror.Mary goes home to find her father dead and the three vampiresses andDracula awaiting her. She escapes into Simon's arms. Looking for a sacredplace to spend the night, they go to a church. While in the parishlibrary, they research Dracula's background, learning only what theyalready know about his despise of all things Christian--holy water, thecross, the Bible. Only his dislike of silver remains unexplained.Suddenly, Dracula appears. Mary flees into the church cemetery while Simonattempts to divert Dracula with an open Bible. Dracula *is*diverted...right into the cemetery where he explains to Mary, "I havewalked the earth for centuries in search of a soul not bitten but born.Everything I am is yours, and all that you are is mine."Dracula takes Mary to the church roof where he reveals to her thesecret of his long existence. He is Judas Iscariot, the disciple who soldout Christ to the Romans for 30 pieces of silver (hence, Dracula's dislikeof silver). In atonement, Judas hung himself, but the rope broke and Godscourged him with eternal life as a vampire. In a soliloquy in front of alighted crucifix, Dracula cries out to God, "Now I drink the blood of*your* children. You made the world in your image. Now I make it in mine."Meanwhile, Simon sees the three vampiresses feasting on Mardi Grasrevelers. He stakes Valerie, but the remaining two capture him. Draculatakes Mary to Simon and tells her to feed from him. "I'd like his head,"Mary says while unsheathing a sword. Just as she prepares to swing thesword, Lucy cries out, "She's faking!" In the melee that follows, Marybeheads Lucy instead of Simon, Simon beheads Solina, and Dracula winds uphanging by his neck from the lighted crucifix...just as the sun comes up.Dracula bursts into flames. Mary vows to take over her father's job of keeping Dracula's ashes, lest Dracula find a way to return to life.[Original Synopsis by bj_kuehl.]
Output: Question: Who wraps some cable from a large crucifix around Dracula's neck?, Answer: Simon