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* * the following review contains some harsh language . . .
but what did you expect when you clicked on this title ?
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* cast : kristen holly smith , danica sheridan , alex boling , michael dotson , sonya hensley , janet krajeski ,
sabrina lu , dionysius burbano , calvin grant , jeff b .
harmon written and directed by : jeff b .
harmon running time : 97 minutes " the thought of losing you
makes me all vomity inside .
"
--- blatz balinski ( danica sheridan ) laments the fact that her lesbian lover , april ( kristen holly smith ) , has just received a telegram from her ex - fiance .
isle of lesbos is an incredibly offensive musical comedy about april pfferpot ( smith ) , a resident of the small town of bumfuck , arkansas who is about to get married to high school
sweetheart and football hero dick dickson ( michael dotson ) .
when april gets extreme cold feet she runs home , sticks a gun in her mouth , and pulls the trigger .
instead of killing herself , she is magically transported through her mirror into the isle of lesbos , an alternate dimension where lesbians rule and no men are allowed ( except for lance , the homosexual toilet cleaner / slave ) .
april loves her new home and friends , but dick and her parents are not so ready to give her up .
mr .
and ms .
pfferpot ( director jeff b . harmon and janet krajeski ) decide they need medical help
so they enlist the aid of dr .
sigmoid colon ( also jeff b . harmon ) , who claims he can cure homosexuality .
in actuality , dr .
colon is homosexual as well and begins his special " treatment " on dick dickson ( unbeknownst to dick ) .
when april turns down dick 's demand for her to return to bumfuck , he decides to take matters in his own hands and attack the isle of lesbos rambo - style .
instead of leveling the place he falls in love with lance ( alex boling ) and the two of them , along with april and her lover blatz , get married .
( note to the filmmaker : why did the character of lance make asides to the camera followed by silence that i 'm assuming was inserted for the purpose of waiting until the laughter of the audience had subsided ? )
april 's parents , feeling like there is no recourse , call in a favor to president clinton and send a nuclear bomb ( whose circuitry inexplicably is made up of a homosexual performer ) their way .
the bomb is a dud thanks to the work of the " circuitry " and they re - wire it and send it back to washington d .
c .
, destroying it .
mr .
and ms .
pfferpot give up trying to get their daughter back and instead decide to join her as they have some alternative sexual practices of their own .
i 'm not sure if writer / director / co - star jeff b .
harmon was purposely trying to offend people because he believes in some of the ideas his movie presents or if he was just going for cheap laughs .
either way , he manages to present some of the most offensive material i have ever seen in a movie .
the film opens with a preacher running a small african - american child out of town , and then later moves on to the hanging of a michael jackson impersonator by the ku klux klan ( during a jaunty musical number ) , preceded by remarks about " gays and straights finally being able to put their differences behind them and work together to hate others , such as the jews " .
if harmon was merely trying to point out how idiotic society can be , then i apologize for being so harsh on elements of his film , but it is presented so mean spiritedly that i ca n't help but feel like he had some serious intent .
as for the entire central theme of the movie , i 'm afraid that it 's one that i just do n't get .
i tried to keep an open mind while watching it , but the homosexual elements were just too prevalent for my tastes .
it was hard enough to watch them bash other races and sexes without them preaching about the virtues of being homosexual and accepted by society .
how does one expect to be accepted if they are just as guilty of non - acceptance ?
i 'm not prone to judging anyone and i believe that people should be free to explore whatever avenues they wish free from the scornful eye of society , but do n't force your particular rhetoric down my throat if you are n't going to show the same respect for my preferences that you wish from me .
again , maybe i 'm missing the satirical point that harmon is trying to make , but if so , i think it could have been handled a little more tactfully . as far as musical comedies go , isle of lesbos is no trey parker and matt stone musical , but a good portion of the songs are maddeningly catchy .
despite the disturbing visuals , " mom and apple pie " stuck with me for the rest of the day .
speaking of disturbing visuals , " wedding bells ai n't ringing " could have been a decent song , but the accompanying visuals of spousal abuse are more harrowing than this film should be displaying .
"
i 'm a lesbian " ( which is touted in the press release as being particularly popular ) is also pretty good , but a good portion of that could be due to the stellar singing voice of ms .
smith .
it 's mainly on her excellent vocals that my rating of this film is based .
the other performers are decent , save for the rosie o'donnell like performance given by danica sheridan .
i have no inherent problem with her character ; it is just her singing voice that leaves little to be desired .
one particular musical number , " lesbian rock " , was one of the lowest points i have ever experienced in my film - going life thanks to a strained and lackluster vocal job by sheridan .
the film ends about twenty minutes before the credits actually roll .
the remainder of the running time is padded out with a few more songs ( " lesbian rock " included ) and the ridiculously presented anti - nukes message tacked on to the end for no reason other than to make it a feature length film .
once the " isle of lesbos reprise " was reached , i felt the story had already been wrapped up well enough to end it all .
why was the film needlessly stretched out past its obvious end ?
isle of lesbos is available on videocassette from www .
indie - underground .
com .
the transfer is pretty clean ( and all the detail of the wrinkled cloth and paint backdrops are readily apparent ) and the film is letterboxed at approximately 1 .
85 : 1 .
in many respects , isle of lesbos has incredible cult potential ( like a rocky horror for the new millennium ) .
this film is by no means my cup of tea , but i know there are those out there who will enjoy it . if you think it might be for you , then by all means seek it out .
i , on the other hand , will be cleansing my palette with a good action film like gladiator . . .
wait .
are n't gladiator films considered to be . . .
oh , never mind .
Output: N