niryuu/sni-each-converted huggingface dataset:
synopsis : a novelist struggling with his latest work buys a weird brain with a protruding eyeball encased in a jar .
the brain exerts its evil influence upon the novelist and his secretary , while his wife disapproves .
meanwhile , a loan shark in need of a shave tries to leave his profession .
comments : why is this movie called possessed by the night ?
it 's hard to speculate .
most of this film takes place during the day , and the only thing possessing anyone is an icky , pulsating , bubbling brain thingie in a jar .
in case you have n't picked up on this yet , possessed by the night is a bottom - of - the - barrel " thriller " ( i use the term " thriller " loosely here ) which is really cheap and bad .
the plot , which sounds like a cheesy pulp science fiction story from the 1950s , actually serves one purpose : to exploit nude women as often as possible .
writing a movie review for a film like this proves oddly challenging .
there 's really not much to say .
the acting is lousy ; although , occasionally , the attempts at acting are so absurd that they garner a chuckle or two from the audience .
most humorous is frank sivero , who plays murray , the novelist 's agent .
he is so horrible in this role that one ca n't help but be amused .
the plot sucks .
nearly half the film is devoted to a loser loan shark who wants out of the profession , even though he has only limited relevance to the movie as a whole .
the dialogue stinks .
a loan shark , for instance , tells another how much he loves bimbos , which is something the audience really does n't need to know .
everything about possessed by the night is second rate , even the film credits .
as the names of the not - so - talented film crew scrolled by at the end , joseph scales came up , credited as being " assistsant to foley artist .
"
someone could have used an editor !
to be honest , the film is basically an excuse to flash frontal nudity and show some sex scenes .
playboy playmate shannon tweed , after all , is the star here .
i suppose that if one wanted this sort of thing , he would like this movie .
why did i give this turkey two stars and not one ?
as a bad movie , it is unintentionally funny enough to keep someone passingly interested in the film .
if you feel possessed to see possessed by the night , however , i 'd recommend you exorcise this impulse and watch something else .
Output: N
okay
, okay .
maybe i was n't in the mood to watch a mindless action movie ; i am the same person that liked lethal weapon iii , even while admitting that it was n't as good as the others .
howewer
, the latest segal picture did n't look that bad , and since none of my friends would go see a woody allen movie even if i paid them , i went to see it expecting a mild die hard rehash .
boy , was i wrong !
in the first half of the movie , we are already assaulted with segal 's acting , ( he is not simply wooden
; he is like a wall ) , gratuitous violence , an incredible plot , sexist and even more gratuitous nudity , and bad lines that obviously were meant as jokes .
by the end , it is obvious that hundreds of navy men are no match for thirty armed special forces soldiers .
not once in the movie did segal appear worried or undecided , which did not do much for increasing the unexistent suspense
.
of course , in movies like these , there must be a sidekick , and a love interest .
in these one we are given a two for one package in the form of a playboy model ( in the movie ) , which only functions as a supposed comic relief ( by the way of extremely stupid unfunny lines ) , and to have watering eyes and look away every time something bad happens in the movie .
oh , of course , she appears naked from the waist up , and , of course , segal kisses her at the end after no development of their relationship ; they did not even seem to be interested in each other .
i have never seen so little chemistry between two people in a movie .
often , the villain saves the movie ; unfortunately , the villains here are cartoonish , stupid and unfunny , unmenacing .
how many movies have psycho ex - special forces bad guys ? too many .
i was able to predict the action all throughout the movie , including the moment where the sidekick saves the hero from certain death , the scene where the bad guy can kill the hero but proceeds to explain his plan to him , the scene where we are shown the hero 's superiors are stupid , the scene where the bad guy loses his gun and has to fight the hero hand to hand , etc . . .
simply said , this is movie - making by the numbers , boring , and potentially offensive in going for the lowest common denominator of the audience .
my recommendation : if you go see it , bring a watch .
you 'll be looking at it for most of the movie .
my .
rent die hard .
read a book .
stare at the sky .
do not waste your time on this worthless piece of celluloid .
the real sad thing is that there are a lot of movies out that i would rather have seen ; once again , dragged in by my friends , which by the way , liked the movie halfheartedly .
they probably like wrestling too : - ) .
Output: N
in life , eddie murphy and martin lawrence play two young men wrongfully convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison .
after about an hour of watching this movie , you begin to realize how their characters feel .
fortunately , for audience members there 's a chance to escape the nearest exit .
this , undoubtedly , is eddie murphy 's worst movie and that 's an accomplishment .
remember the golden child , harlem nights ?
compared to life , they look like citizen kane .
life is long , predictable , foul - mouthed and only intermittently funny .
its 100-minute running time feels like 100 years .
robert ramsey and matthew stone 's script basically consist of murphy and lawrence referring to everyone around them as " motherf . . .
s " or " n . . . . .
s .
"
you lose count how many times both those obnoxious , offensive words are used .
and if that all it takes to write a script , than any illiterate jackass can sit at a word processor and compose a movie .
but , like life , it will probably stink .
to be honest , the screening audience surrounding me in the theater yucked it up .
but these were the same people who howled at all the flatulence and fat jokes as well .
life is as sophisticated as a belch .
it 's crude and stereotypical .
years ago , movies stereotypically portrayed blacks subservient , second - class people , good for being only maids and servants .
for the most part , the lot of blacks and other racial groups have improved .
but a new , more insidious stereotype is creeping into movies .
in many recent films , through actors such as murphy and chris tuckers , blacks are presented as fast - talking , conniving , scam artists or hip - hop , gun - crazy , sex - crazed youths .
both sets of caricatures are demeaning .
and the fault does not rest with the actors .
they have to eat , too .
it is with the people who write the scripts , the studios who green - light the projects and the audiences who accept these portrayals without protest .
life 's only redeeming virtue is the artistry of makeup legend rick baker who flawlessly ages murphy and lawrence into 90 year olds .
otherwise , life is an embarrassment , a blot on the resumes of those associated with it .
see it at your own risk .
Output: N
there may not be a critic alive who harbors as much affection for shlock monster movies as i do .
i delighted in the sneaky - smart entertainment of ron underwood 's big - underground - worm yarn tremors ; i even giggled at last year 's critically - savaged big - underwater - snake yarn anaconda .
something about these films causes me to lower my inhibitions and return to the saturday afternoons of my youth , spent in the company of ghidrah , the creature from the black lagoon and the blob .
deep rising , a big - undersea - serpent yarn , does n't quite pass the test .
sure enough , all the modern monster movie ingredients are in place : a conspicuously multi - ethnic / multi - national collection of bait .
.. excuse me , characters ; an isolated location , here a derelict cruise ship in the south china sea ; some comic relief ; a few cgi - enhanced gross - outs ; and at least one big explosion .
there are too - cheesy - to - be - accidental elements , like a sleazy shipping magnate ( anthony heald ) who also appears to have a doctorate in marine biology , or a slinky international jewel thief ( famke janssen ) whose white cotton tank top hides a heart of gold .
as it happens , deep rising is noteworthy primarily for the mechanical manner in which it spits out all those ingredients .
a terrorist crew , led by squinty - eyed mercenary hanover ( wes studi ) and piloted by squinty - eyed boat captain finnegan ( treat williams ) , shows up to loot the cruise ship ; the sea monsters show up to eat the mercenary crew ; a few survivors make it to the closing credits .
and up go the lights .
it 's hard to work up much enthusiasm for this sort of joyless film - making , especially when a monster moview should make you laugh every time it makes you scream .
here , the laughs are provided almost entirely by kevin
j. o'connor , generally amusing as the crew 's fraidy - cat mechanic .
writer / director stephen sommers seems most concerned with creating a tone of action - horror menace -- something over - populated with gore - drenched skeletons , something where the gunfire and special effects are taken a bit too seriously .
deep rising is missing that one unmistakable cue that we 're expected to have a ridiculous good time , not hide our eyes .
case it point , comparing deep rising to its recent cousin anaconda .
in deep rising , one of the creature 's victims is regurgitated back into view , partially digested and still alive .
he shrieks in horror at his freakish appearance and pain , in a moment a bit too disturbing to be laughable .
in anaconda , we also see a regurgitated victim , partially digested and still alive .
he looks at another character .
.. and winks .
make no mistake , deep rising has anaconda beat all to heck when it comes to technical proficiency and pacing .
it 's also gloomy , uninspired and not nearly enough fun .
i do n't ask much of my monster movies , but i do ask that they act like monster movies .
you do n't have to show me a fantastically impressive , massive beast with tentacles a - flailing .
just show me the massive beast burping , and i 'll figure you get the point .
Output: N
renee zellweger stars as sonia , a young jewish wife and mother frustrated by the constraints of her hasidic community in brooklyn .
her husband ( glenn fitzgerald ) is a religious scholar whose all - in - a - day's - work attitude on sex fails to tame the " fire " she feels within , as so she confesses to the rebbe ( after hearing her fiery confession , the rebbe suddenly gets frisky with his pleasantly surprised wife -- and dies the next morning ) .
sensing her frustration , her husband 's brother ( christopher eccleston ) gives her a job in his jewelry brokering business in exchange for raw , passionless sex that just fans sonia 's still - burning flame .
on the job , sonia befriends ramon ( allen payne ) , a cool blast of hunky puerto rican water who does his own jewelry designs when not working as a grunt in an upscale jewelry store .
can fire - taming be far be that far behind for the ever - smoldering sonia ?
just about everything in writer - director boaz yakin 's rings false , starting with the improbably cast zellweger , who does an adequate enough acting job but simply looks too waspy for the role .
a better fit would have been julianna margulies , who outshines zellweger as sonia 's take - no - crap sister - in - law .
some of sonia 's baby steps toward liberation , such as indulging in a non - kosher egg roll in chinatown , come off as silly .
yakin attempts to spice up the proceedings with a touch of magical realism -- in the form of the recurring presence of sonia 's long - dead brother 's ghost -- make the story feel even more trite than it already is .
"
i did n't know what to expect .
it 's like something you chase for so long , but then you do n't know how to react when you get it .
i still do n't know how to react .
"
--michael
jordan , on winning his first nba championship in 1991 .
..
or , my thoughts after meeting him on november 21 , 1997
Output: N
do n't let this movie fool you into believing the romantic noirs of william shakespeare .
no one will truly understand the heart and soul of this man except through his work , and this movie makes a vain attempt at that .
any moves to ?
glamorise ' his life , which hollywood has an annoying tendency to do ,
will only subtract from his achievement rather than expound on his greatness .
this movie about his life , although well written , puts too much make - up on a man whose life was probably more pork and potatoes , rather than lobster and champagne .
oh well , let 's fantasise onwards an assume that he was a bit of a flirtatious play - write , who falls in love with a beautiful woman ( gwyneth paltrow ) and from her inspiration , several plays develop - ? romeo and juliet ' , and ?
the twelfth night ' .
it is easier for me to believe that he had a wet dream and that 's how all his plays develop , but please spare me all of this unnecessary melodrama .
but i guess my version probably would n't draw a crowd or make a dollar on screen .
so is there any justification in romanticising the man shakespeare , when all we need to do is read his work in order to find his soul .
i think not .
as for the oscars were they deserved by this movie ?
i think not . in many aspects ?
private ryan ' and ?
life is beautiful ' were far superior movies ,
but one should never assume that this should be a criteria for winning an oscar , as time and again , for reasons unexplained , an undeserving movie will win the accolade .
another sore point is the fact that gwyneth won the best female lead , over a more polished cate , but i guess if you go on enough about your grandfather dying and your nephew being hospitalised - people will start feeling sorry for you .
Output: N
it 's a good thing most animated sci - fi movies come from japan , because " titan a. e. " is proof that hollywood does n't have a clue how to do it .
i do n't know what this film is supposed to be about .
from what i can tell it 's about a young man named kale who 's one of the last survivors of earth in the early 31st century who unknowingly possesses the key to saving and re - generating what is left of the human race .
that 's a fine premise for an action - packed sci - fi animated movie , but there 's no payoff .
the story takes the main characters all over the galaxy in their search for a legendary ship that the evil " dredge " aliens want to destroy for no apparent reason .
so in the process we get a lot of spaceship fights , fistfights , blaster fights and more double - crosses than you can shake a stick at .
there 's so much pointless sci - fi banter
it 's too much to take .
the galaxy here is a total rip - off of the " star wars " universe the creators do n't bother filling in the basic details which makes the story confusing , the characters unmotivated and superficial and the plot just plain boring .
despite the fantastic animation and special effects , it 's just not an interesting movie .
Output: N
walken stars as a mobster who is kidnapped and held for ransom by four bratty rich kids .
it seems that a woman has also been kidnapped -- she is the sister of one of them
( e. t. 's henry thomas ) and the girlfriend of another ( flannery )
--and
the asking price is $ 2 million , which said snots are unable to cough up alone .
they even cut off walken 's finger to show they mean business , because they are desperate to save the woman 's life .
suicide kings is a terrible film .
walken aside
, there is n't a single appealing cast member .
o'fallon creates characters that are functional types without any resonance .
in an amusingly unironic scene , walken plays poker with the foursome and describes each of their personalities to a tee -- it 's as if he was reading the summary sheet for a casting director .
the plot is another issue entirely .
o'fallon is someone whom i 'm betting has seen reservoir dogs and the usual suspects too many times , for not only does his story veer off on bizarre tangents from whence they never return
( do we really need the scene where dennis leary beats up an abusive father with a toaster , which is entirely unrelated to both the story and leary 's character , or the numerous anecdotal sequences ? ) , but the central plot itself is a serpentine mess , filled with crosses and double crosses and triple crosses .
.. by the fourth big revelation / twist , i had completely tuned out , wondering what on earth attracted these actors to the material .
recently a peer , a fellow young filmmaker , informed me that he had an idea for a movie about four guys , the mob , and the fbi .
it occurred to me then what 's wrong with indies like suicide kings
: i suspect o'fallon has never met a mobster , is not a rich man , does n't deliver endless " clever " monologues to his friends about his favourite types of boots .
.. in short , these guys are just riffing on other movies , and in doing that , making the same film over and over and over again .
tarantino found his niche and now hundreds of genxers with movie cameras are trying to find tarantino 's niche instead of carving their own .
-reviewed at the toronto international film festival
Output: N
frank detorri 's ( bill murray )
a single dad who lives on beer and junk food with no apparent understanding of sanitation or hygiene , much to the dismay of his preteen daughter shane ( elena franklin ) .
when he uses the ' 10 second rule ' to retrieve a hard boiled egg from a chimp 's cage at the zoo and downs it , he introduces a lethal bacteria into his system .
inside his skin , the city of frank is in turmoil thanks to the vote - pandering of mayor phlegmming ( voice of william shatner ) , so it 's up to one frank pd white blood cell ( voice of chris rock ) to save the day in peter and bobby farrelly 's " osmosis jones .
" the city of frank is a brightly animated ( animation directed by piet kroon and tom sito ) cellular municipality where osmosis jones is a typical rogue cop looking for another chance .
he 's inadvertently teamed up with drix ( voice of david hyde pierce , tv 's " frasier " ) , a cold capsule with 12 hours worth of painkillers to dispense .
this quarrelling duo are about to go on a " fantastic voyage " in order to hunt down thrax
( voice of laurence fishburne ) , the virus intent on shutting down frank .
while the animation is certainly colorful to look at , osmosis jones ' story is a hackneyed one .
the story cries out for puny puns , but we only get occasional sprinklings of wit or bodily humor ( drix graduated phi beta capsule
, he departs on a bus headed for bladder ) .
neither the hero or villain is particularly interesting ( thrax looks like an animated " predator " ) , although hyde pierce is a delightful sidekick .
adults can desperately keep their eyes peeled for small amusements the animators dot along the landscape .
meanwhile , back in live action land , bill murray is reduced to nothing more than a walking gross - out joke .
there 's no particular enjoyment to be found watching
him vomit on molly shannon ( she plays shane 's teacher , mrs .
boyd ) or hoisting his ingrown toenail onto a restaurant table .
one must wonder how the climatic flatlining of a child 's father will play to the family audience as well .
rest assured , the whole enchilada is wrapped up with a fart joke .
while far less offensive than the farrelly 's last effort " me , myself and irene , " that film at least spiked some comic highs with jim carrey 's hijinx .
"
osmosis jones " will probably be ok for the kids , but the farrellys playing for the family audience is like watching marilyn manson croon a phil collins tune .
Output: N
woof ! too bad that leap of faith was the title of a 1992 comedy starring steve martin and debra winger , because that 's what 's required to watch this incredulous howler starring bruce willis as -- of all things -- a psychologist .
not since the reagan administration has there been an acting stretch of such magnitude !
alas , mickey rourke , we hardly knew ye .
story opens with a campy kick -- willis is treating a patient who abruptly steps out of the window to take the best flying leap since charles durning dove in the hudsucker proxy .
she goes splat
, he goes ugh , and his character spends the rest of the film colorblind .
really .
the good doctor then moves to sunny l. a. , where he rooms with an old college chum ( scott bakula ) , a therapist who 's getting death threats from someone in his monday evening group .
buddy bites it in the second reel
( no surprise there ) and willis agrees to take over both the group and the death threats .
for his troubles as therapy man , willis gets to share some cut - from - nc17 love scenes with the lover 's jane march while dodging nails , cars , and rattlesnakes .
why 'd it have to be snakes ?
color of night is the worst movie of the year .
period .
forget north , clifford , or ,
heaven help us , even on deadly ground .
here is a movie misfire so audaciously awful that you ca n't help but wonder how the actors all kept straight faces while filming . for starters , the " group " is a collection of mixed nuts better suited to bob newhart than bruce willis .
these are realistic portrayals of the mentally unhealthy ? playing a prissy obsessive / compulsive , cuckoos nest alumni brad dourif , alone , may set the psychology profession back ten years .
the plot 's a wreck with laughable dialogue , pointless pov shifts , and the one big secret solvable in the first fifteen minutes .
director richard rush , who once helmed freebie and the bean , does n't seem to mind .
unfazed by the nincompoop plot and cuckoo characterizations , he overfills the film with enough canny camera shots and zany set - pieces to make the effort almost worth watching .
his token freeway chase is ok , but the director has more fun with a vertiginous ending ala ( most recently ) fatal analysis .
acting credits are across - the - board awful .
willis can be forgiven because he 's filming die hard 3 as we speak .
but what about ruben blades insulting presence as the cop ? or lesley ann warren 's stereotypical sex addict ? or worst offender jane march as a mystery - girl - who's - no - real - mystery ?
shudder .
bottom line
: how they all kept straight faces , i 'll never know .
Output: N
there 's only one presidential election every four years , but it seems like every few months we get another presidential conspiracy movie painted as _ the _ thriller of the year .
in 1997 , we 've had absolute power , air force one , shadow conspiracy and murder at 1600 .
this one is about as lame duck as old gerald ford , trying to bring us a complex plot of cover - up and intrigue but copping out over and over again with rehashes of action flick standbys .
here 's what happens this time .
it 's night at the white house .
a secretary is having sex with some unidentified guy with a cute butt .
the next day she 's dead and hotshot detective wesley snipes is called in .
how do we know he 's a hotshot ?
we 've seen the traditional action flick opener -- the clever hostage negotiation scene .
it 's not so clever
this time , consisting of snipes disarming a suicidal ex - government employee holding a gun to his head in the middle of the street .
snipes is off to the white house , where he finds the secret service head ( the shiny bald head of daniel benzali ) wo n't cooperate with him at all .
in fact , if not for the intervention of national security adviser alan alda , snipes would n't have been allowed in the white house at all .
alda helps snipes out further , assigning a sexy secret service agent ( diane lane ) to act as his liaison .
.. a very dangerous liaison .
well , not really , i just wanted to say that .
almost immediately , a suspect is found , an eccentric night janitor seen flirting with the deceased on one of the security videos .
snipes does n't buy it , and launches into an independent investigation of his own , one that reveals planted evidence and romantic involvement by the president 's son .
snipes ' partner , an always- wisecracking dennis miller , calls him up every once in awhile with more news and lane , who at first does n't believe snipes , eventually and predictably comes around , and risks her ass to break into social security storage and break out some classified information .
for the first hour or so , murder at 1600 looks like it could be going somewhere interesting .
sure , we have to sit through the lame opening sequence and plenty more lame scenes after that , but the whole murder in the white house thing makes for an interesting premise that is never quite delivered upon .
snipes and lane do n't make for a bad action team , but with nothing to work with , they 're just cogs in the bad movie machine .
dennis miller might as well not even be in the movie ; they waste his talents more in murder at 1600 than they did in bordello of blood , and that 's saying a lot .
when you get to the last half - hour , the movie has descended metaphorically and literally into a wet sewer , busting out the old break - into - the - building underground climax .
and when they finally reveal who killed the woman and why , you 'll wish you never sat through this movie at all .
the " 1600 " in the movie 's title does n't represent an address , it represents the number of satisfied customers worldwide .
serving the world for nearly 1/25th of a century !
Output: N
ah , and 1999 was going along so well , too .
"
she 's all that " has the dubious distinction of being the worst movie i 've seen so far this year . and quite frankly
, i doubt i 'll see anything equally bad .
( at least , i * hope
* i do n't see anything equally bad ) .
"
she 's all that " tells the story of the most popular guy in school ( played by freddie prinze jr . ) who accepts a bet to transform the geekiest girl in school ( rachel leigh cook ) into the most popular .
that , right there , is problem
# 1 . how many times have we seen this storyline ?
as cook comments near the end of the film , " it 's kind of like " pretty woman " , except without the prostitution " .
of course , had the filmmakers attempted to try something new with this material , the well - worn storyline would have been a device to propell the movie forward .
as it is , though ,
"
she 's all that " relies *
completely * on the lame and overused formula to push it ahead .
there 's not one original or interesting character in the film , either , and if that was n't bad enough , there 's not one good performance featured .
the star of the movie , rachel leigh cook , is simply horrible .
i
usually do n't like to get so personal , but in this case , i think it needs to be said .
cook wears the same expression throughout the flick and looks to be having as miserable a time as i was .
i was never convinced that she was a " nerd " , and her transformation was unconvincing and unnecessary .
the movie seems to be saying it 's better to be popular than to be who you are .
as for freddie prinze jr .
, an actor i ordinarily enjoy
, he too is quite bad here .
he coasts through the film on so - called charm , and never establishes a real character .
kieren culkin is here , too , as the brother of cook .
and for some indiscernable reason , he 's got hearing aids .
no explanation is given and they 're never brought up . were we supposed to feel * sorry * for him just because he wore hearing aids ?
i do n't think so .
that single element of the film was one of the most offensive things i 've seen in a movie in a long time .
"
she 's all that " sucks .
that 's what it boils down
to .
it 's not entertaining , and it 's not even a good time passer .
the hour and a half running time goes by slower than a 5 minute hair - removal system informercial .
and what 's worse , it sends out a bad message to teens .
it appears to be telling them ,
" hey , it does n't matter if you 're happy the way you are .
that 's unimportant .
if you want to * truly * be happy , dress in the latest fashions and act like a bubble - headed moron .
" ugh .
Output: N
in the mid-1980s , following the splendid debut in hugh hudson 's greystoke and relative success of first highlander film , it looked like christopher lambert 's acting career might go somewhere .
but , it was n't meant to be , which became obvious following highlander ii .
in this decade christopher lambert became associated with films with low budgets and even lower quality .
very often such films were science fiction , which meant that the fans of that genre learned the hard way what to evade anything starring christopher lambert .
whether it was because of real lack of talent , terrible miscasting or simple bad luck is n't important
- the end result was almost always horrible .
the same can be said for fortress , 1993 science fiction film directed by stuart gordon , director who created cult following with his 1980s horror gorefests like reanimator and from beyond .
the movie is set in 2018 .
for some undisclosed reason , usa introduced strict population control and couples are barred from having more than one child .
jake ( christopher lambert ) and karen
brennick ( lori laughlin )
broke that law and are caught by authorities on the border .
sentenced to 31 years in prison , they are both thrown into fortress , privately owned correctional facility , equiped with state - of - the - art futuristic technology and run by computer called zed .
although equiped with gismos that regulate every aspect of inmates ' lives and make any escape impossible , prison authorities often use violence .
jake survives many ordeals and earns respect of some inmates which would help him when he begins planing the escape .
such escape should become necessity , because the warden poe ( kurtwood smith ) begins showing unhealthy interest in karen .
after rather intriguing beginning and some interesting special effects that depict the futuristic settings of prison , this film soon starts sinking into mediocrity .
the reason is in the screenplay that quickly degenerates into whole series of prison movie clich ?
s and situations that are painfully predictable .
by the time brennick begins his escape from fortress , those situations not only begin to look predictable , but utterly implausible too .
of course , film never tried to explain why the country that lacks resources to support its present population happens to spend bucketloads of money on ultra - expensive supertechnology with sole intention of keeping alive most useless and dangerous members of the society .
the initially interesting plot is done even more wrong by stereotyped characters , played by not too interested or talented actors .
lori laughlin , although physically attractive , shows the acting ability of sequoia .
kurtwood smith as prison warden is rather uninspired , capable of solid , yet forgettable performance .
lambert 's performance is also good , but even the bigger talent could n't help this film , destined to end in oblivion .
Output: N
susan granger 's review of " the musketeer " ( universal pictures ) hollywood launches another assault on classic literature with this $ 50 million adaptation of alexandre dumas 's novel
that 's strong on action
but weak on drama , fusing hong kong martial arts with 17th century swordplay .
the story chronicles the adventures of the dashing d'artagnan ( justin chambers ) as he leaves his village of gascogne , headed for paris , to join king louis xiii 's elite guard , the royal musketeers , and to search for the man who killed his parents 14 years earlier .
this puts him in conflict with the formidable febre ( tim roth ) , vicious henchman for conniving cardinal richelieu ( stephen rea ) .
the traditional musketeer trio - aramis ( nick moran ) , athos ( jan gregor kremp ) and porthos ( steve speirs ) - do n't offer much help
so he turns to the feisty francesca ( mena suvari ) , chambermaid to the queen of france ( catherine deneuve ) .
scripter gene quintano and director - cinematographer peter hyams are primarily interested in the derring - do , as evidenced by choreographer xin - xin xiong 's elaborate - but not original - stunts , including a fast - paced stagecoach chase , a tavern brawl on rolling barrels , high - wire acrobatics with the combatants dangling from ropes , and a ladder - fight sequence . filmed in southern france , the scenery , sets and costumes are spectacular , but the lighting is too dark and editing is filled with choppy , restless mtv'ish cuts .
as the swashbuckling d'artagnan , bland calvin klein model justin chambers buckles where he should be swashing , totally lacking on - screen charisma , not to mention acting skill .
mena suvari , so impressive in " american beauty , " seems like a contemporary interloper in the royal court .
on the granger movie gauge of 1 to 10 , " the musketeer " is a cinematic but shallow 3 .
" all for one and one for all " ?
not this time ' round .
Output: N
stallone attempts to ' act ' in this cop drama .
the film is set in a neighbourhood pratically built by kietal , who 's nephew ( played by michael rappaport ) is involved in a car crash and killing of two black youths .
keital dosen't really want to get involved in anything , gets rid of rappaport , and stallone and de niro try to work out what the hell is going on .
this film should be brilliant .
it sounds like a great plot , the actors are first grade , and the supporting cast is good aswell , and stallone is attempting to deliver a good performance .
however , it ca n't hold up .
although the acting is fantastic ( even stallone is n't bad )
the directing and story is dull and long winded some scenes go on for too long , with nothing really happening in them .
in fact , the only scenes that do work are action scenes , which i suspect stallone was trying to avoid .
in this film , serious means dull .
the dialogue is warbling , and basically just repeats the same points over and over , no matter who is delivering them .
the plot , which has potential , is wasted , again just being cliched after a while .
in fact , the only thing that does keep the film going is kietal and de niro , both delivering their usual good performances .
however , stallone , although not given much to say , gives a good performance .
however , it 's not all that bad .
as said above , the action scenes are well done .
there s also a very good ending , which uses the cinemas sound system well .
in fact , the last 10 minutes of this 2 hour film are one of the best endings of 1997 .
if only the rest of the film was as good as the ending .
cop land , then , turns out not to be a power house film , but a rather dull , and not every exciting film .
hugely disappointing , and i ca n't really recommend it .
Output: N
a number of critics have decided that it 's open season on freddie prize jr . , slamming the young actor as an utterly talentless pretty boy on career cruise control in sound - alike , disposable teen fluff like " head over heels , " " boys and girls , " " down to you " and " she 's all that . " while the prinze oeuvre is hard to defend , his talent is not .
i first saw him in the independent dark comedy " the house of yes , " where he gave a subtle , impressive performance as the younger brother in one of america 's freakiest families .
prinze has the acting chops ; he just needs to take a few supporting roles in some grown - up movies to show the non - believers that he has what it takes .
" summer catch " certainly wo n't help his case .
inoffensive , but utterly generic ,
the baseball - related romantic comedy does little more than kill time .
the story deals with the love affair between tenley ( jessica biel ) , a wealthy cape cod girl and ryan ( prinze ) , a local boy from a working class family who dreams of becoming a big - time baseball star .
ryan 's preoccupation with his new honey - bunny drives her elitist father ( bruce davison ) crazy and endangers his position as pitcher with a cape cod summer league team .
it 's a wonder the kid has any time to pitch , as his time is occupied with making out with tenley , fighting with her dad ,
bonding with his own dad ( fred ward , who deserves better than this ) , fighting with his brother ( jason gedrick ) and carousing at a neighborhood bar with his teammates .
the filmmakers desperately want to make a quirky , character - heavy baseball movie like " bull durham , " but have n't got a clue how to get there . and
so they glide from one clich ?
to the next for 108 minutes .
the only bit of originality comes from marc blucas in a minor role as a center - fielder from texas .
in an early barroom scene , blucas , best known as demon - fighting riley finn from " buffy the vampire slayer , " hears a young woman compliment a guy on his ass , then turns to teammate matthew lillard and states , " he does have a nice ass .
a bubble butt .
"
when lillard gives him an " are you insane ?
" look , blucas calmly says , " it 's nothing sexual , " then goes on to evaluate the hind - ends of some other players , including lillard 's .
speaking of asses , prinze does not bare his in the movie .
the actor has a no nudity clause in his contract , so two stunt - butts were employed for a couple of semi - nude shots .
blucas , whose character secretly dates a large woman throughout the story , gets another unique moment late in the film .
sick of hearing teammates make " fat chick " jokes
, he climbs on top of a table and loudly declares his love of amply - sized ladies .
while his speech still ends up objectifying women , it remains a nice change of pace in a numbingly ordinary movie .
trivial tidbit : " summer catch " marks a scooby doo summit .
marc blucas appears in " jay and silent bob strike back " as fred from the scooby doo gang , while freddie prinze jr .
plays the same character in the upcoming big budget film version of the old cartoon .
Output: N
everybody in this film 's thinking of alicia .
no , this is not a documentary on those of us after we first saw the " cryin ' " video .
this is one of those erotic thrillers , but not like one starring shannon whirry or shannon tweed .
first off
, there 's zero sex , almost no nudity , and it 's not as well - plotted as one of those tweed flicks .
well , anyway .
the " plot .
" alicia plays , well , the babysitter , who is taking care of some kids one night while the parents ( j. t. walsh and lee garlington ) go out to a party .
the film , trying to be like one of those introspective erotic thrillers , shows every characters ' thoughts , except alicia 's .
the thing is alicia 's in most of them in most cases , and the thoughts are n't too kosher .
first off , there 's her boyfriend ( jeremy london , who gave one of the all - time lousy performances in " mallrats , " and is only a notch better here ) , who 's a dorky kid who hangs out with a kind of bully , played by nicky katt from " suburbia " ( who shows he 's got that quiet creepiness down pat once again ) .
they decide they want to crash her babysitting job , looking for the typical babysitting hanky - panky .
somethine like that .
the film intercuts between the subplots ( alicia babysitting , nicky and jeremy , the party ) and each characters ' thoughts .
we get to see jeremy and nicky 's dreams of doing a little threeway with alicia ,
j.
t. thinking of coming home to
find alicia naked in the bathtub
( she has it all covered up , the little tease ) , and , worst of all ,
lee garlington dreaming of that hunk , george segal .
it even shows them in bed together .
yea .
i so wanted to see george and lee garlington in bed , though i guess i 'm used to george after seeing her and mary tyler moore fooling around in " flirting with disaster .
"
the ending is some kind of big tragedy thing , but come on .
like we care about any of the characters .
the only interesting one is alicia , mainly because she 's alicia , and we mostly see her in the fantasies .
so i guess she 's some kind of mystery or something .
but she is never explored further .
so
, basically , this film is just a series of mastabatory images , sometimes featuring a non - nude alicia ( once again , sadly ) , sometimes featuring a scantily - clad george segal ( once again , sadly ) .
i watched this on one of those free previews of showtime or cinemax one night , and let me tell you , it is the only way to watch this film .
i mean
, there 's a reason they put these kinds of films on late at night : they 're just as good as sleeping pills .
and this one is one big fat waste of time ,
even for an alicia film .
Output: N
arye cross and courteney cox star as
a pair of bostonians who meet in a bar , go to the movies , fall in love , move in together , etc .
review =
= = = = =
well , if you have n't seen when harry met sally or he said , she said , or
if you do n't watch love & war on television , you might think this is the most inventive film to come along in ages .
however , if you 've seen any of these , than you have seen most of this film .
this of course does n't mean its bad .
some of it is amusing , but overall , i just had to ask what 's the point ?
arye cross is the stereotypical single male who falls in love .
kevin pollack is the stereotypical female - fearing best friend who make a lot of rather sexist and vulgar jokes , most if which were n't very funny .
couteney cox is the stereotypical career - minded woman who falls in love .
julie brown is the stereotypical bizarre best friend of said woman .
( notice the frequent use of the word stereotypical .
this film uses a lot of formula , the plot is basically known from the opening credits . )
so what is good about the movie ?
well as i said there are a few amusing moments .
surprisingly , julie brown , who i usually find just plain goofy , was the best thing in the film .
also there are several very funny sequences involving analysis of the human mating ritual .
gee , this is really short .
not much to say about the film really .
it is just kind of there .
watching it on video might not be a complete waste of time , but i would n't recommend hiring a baby sitter or spending a lot of money to see it at the theatre .
Output: N
_ soldier _ is hands down one of the worst movies a person could ever have to sit through that does n't have jean claude van damme in it .
i could liken it to
the sci - fi cheese that was the hollywood product - of - choice back in the early 80s , but that would be too much of a compliment .
if there is a movie theater in hell , this film is playing there 24 hours a day .
the story , such that there is , revolves around todd ( kurt russell ) , an automaton of a man who has been raised from birth to be a merciless soldier in a not - too - distant ultra - conservative future ( is there any other kind ? )
after years of desensitization at a military academy full of other boys just like him , todd becomes a ground fighter in a series of wars all over the galaxy . who the enemies in these wars are is never revealed , but the few glimpses of todd in battle show that it does n't matter , because innocent hostages are wiped out as indifferently as the bad guys .
after ten minutes of this nihilistic trash --
yes folks , there 's more
-- we see todd as a buff , scarred adult , now so accustomed to the carnage that no confrontation at all causes him to break a sweat .
there 's a new wrinkle , though .
todd and his brethren are declared obsolete , and a new batch of soldiers takes their place .
after losing a sanctioned battle with _ dragon _ 's jason scott lee , the seemingly dead todd is dumped by a flying ice - cube tray
( well , that 's what is looked like ) on a remote garbage planet .
if you predict that todd meets a bunch of outcast settlers on this planet , and that they band together to fight a bunch of bad guys coming to destroy them , you 're way ahead of the game .
the renegade society on this trash heap is so clich you half - expect tina turner and master blaster to come strolling into frame any minute .
it 's surprising that _ soldier _ is the brain - child of _ blade runner _ co - writer david webb peoples .
unlike that mind - twisting classic , this film contains just barely enough dialogue to fill about three double - spaced pages .
add into the mix the _ mortal kombat _ 's paul anderson inept direction , and
it 's easy to see how _ soldier _ turned out so bad . and the special effects !
remember the flying steam irons in hardware wars ?
gary busey is in this movie .
'nuff said .
_
soldier _ is proof that hollywood still has plenty of bad ideas sitting in its script vaults .
that this sad film made it to the silver screen should encourage plenty of aspiring screenwriters out there that there is hope after all .
now if you 'll excuse me , i have to go weep for the future .
Output: N
it 's a sad state of affairs when the back box blurb is more exciting than the movie contained within it .
such is the case for the 1990 paul mayersberg film _ the last samurai_. though the blurb alludes to " a jungle filled with political intrigue , uneasy alliances , and murderous enemies at every turn ,
"
the story of the movie is actually quite simple ( and prosaic ) : a middle - aged japanese businessman named endo ( played by john fujioka ) and his assistant , both of whom have samurai aspirations , travel to africa in search of his ancestor , who went to bring buddhism to africa .
he hires the services of down - at - the - heels vietnam veteran pilot johnny congo ( the redoubtable lance henriksen ) and his girlfriend ( arabella holzbog ) , and travels to the camp of an arms - merchant - cum - safari - host- cum - islamic - missionary ( john saxon ) and his wife ( lisa eilbacher ) .
they are all kidnapped by an african revolutionary guerilla with witch - doctor aspirations to conceal a pre - arranged arms deal , which subsequently falls through . congo escapes , finds endo 's ancestor 's sword , and comes back , guns blazing , to free the rest of them , and endo kills the revolutionary with the sword .
the end .
_ the last samurai
_ is one of those movies that is neither bad enough nor good enough to be enjoyable .
it is merely _ there_. the murky plot is filled with subtexts that are never elaborated , subplots that are never explained , and many scenes that make very little sense at all .
the film is shot through with all the tired old " inscrutable japanese samurai " and zen stereotypes that are to be expected from an american movie .
it is quite slow - paced , with only a bit of action near the end , and the final duel between endo and the terrorist is quite anticlimactic .
most of the acting is fair , with the possible exception of congo 's girlfriend .
lance henriksen is his usual scene - chewing self , and is one of few possible reasons anyone might conceivably have for seeing this movie .
the only other bright spot is the sweeping african scenery .
i paid $ 3 for this film , from the discount rack at best buy , and halfway suspect i overpaid for it .
if you are in the mood for samurai , read a clavell novel or watch a kurusawa movie .
skip
_ the last samurai
_ unless you are a die - hard henriksen fan .
Output: N