how could a g - rated disney film based on meg cabot 's novel " the princess diaries " be anything but cute , harmless fun ?
easy .
take all the cute , harmless fun out of it .
and while you 're at it make it borrr - ring .
that 's what director garry marshall , screenwriter gina wendkos and , not to be outdone , producer whitney houston have done with the g - rated disney film " the princess diaries .
"
you could n't tell it from the audience though , a braintree , mass .
of growing , glowing pre - pubescent girls ( and the odd parental , popcorn perched about their persons ) , who positively cheered when the end credits rolled ( ah the film had struck a lovely nerve with them but not with fuddy - duddy old me ) .
well , i might have cheered that the utter tripe was now well and truly over , but that would have been too obvious .
too obvious is the least of the problems with marshall 's film ( garry made a couple of other " princess " movies-- " pretty woman " and " runaway bride
" --but this one 's way without julia roberts
so maybe
*
that 's * its problem ) .
in addition to being predictable as molasses , " the princess diaries " has hardly got a laugh in it
( it 's a comedy ) , could bore the pants off an abyssinian for long , long stretches , and is so sloppily edited the principals refer to scenes we have n't even seen yet ( and probably never will except , perhaps , in the dvd edition ) .
marshall should take virtually all of the blame here , since he 's been at this for some time and should know when a scene or two is n't working . . .
and hardly
* any * of " the princess diaries " works ( " works , " alas , implies cleverness and there 's none of that here either ) .
newcomer anne hathaway stars as mia thermopolis , a bright but socially invisible san franciscan teen who learns that her single mom ( a wacky artist played by the likable caroline goodall ) had a bit of a fling with some royal member of some miniscule european country nobody ever heard of ( the filmmakers go out of their way
* not * to call it serbia , which is pretty much what all miniscule
european countries are called in the movies mark my words ) and now she , mia , is next in line to rule " genovia " ( hence the headphones / tiara combo in the print ads ) .
julie andrews , with the luminous factor cranked to 11 , plays mia 's grandmother ( aka queen clarisse renaldi ) , who shows up out of the royal blue and lends mia much advice and direction in the eating , talking , and looking like a princess department ( although mia 's big makeover simply transforms her from ugly duckling to ugly swan ) .
does queen julie lose her dignity for the sake of a good laugh ?
not really .
consuming a corn dog is about the worst that it gets .
also on stereotypical hand are a brainless jock , an evil cheerleader , a dorky - looking best friend ( " welcome to the dollhouse " 's heather matarazzo ) , a sensitive auto mechanic / musician , and marshall mainstay hector elizondo as joe the driver , imparting wit and wisdom from the front seat of mia 's chauffeur - driven limousine at every intersection .
a non - animated g - rated movie is a rarity these days but the rating here reflects the fact that all the guts , all the good stuff , has been exorcised from the finished product .
lame , labored , and lamentable
, " the princess diaries " is recommended for eight - and - a - half year olds of the feminine persuasion * only * ; all others would do well to avoid it
( like potholes , the plague , and " the perfect storm " ) .
Output: N