niryuu/sni-each-converted huggingface dataset:
there was probably a good reason that the warner bros .
studio chose not to allow critics to view this steven seagal film when it first opened .
and , after seeing this piece of toxic waste , i now know why .
this movie is by far the worst offering that has hit the screen since possibly those ernest movies years ago .
fire down below centers its story on a little mining town in god 's country , somewhere in eastern kentucky .
it 's beauty and natural goodness is being slowly destroyed by an uncaring mining magnate ( kris kristopherson , who constantly looks like he wants to kill his agent for getting him this role ) .
it turns out that he 's filling the mines throughout kentucky with toxic waste for a tidy profit .
seagal plays jack taggert , an aikido - versed , fighting machine , who is an agent with the epa .
no . . . not the cia nor the fbi nor the nsa .
it 's the environmental protection agency .
i had no idea that epa agents were trained to be killers !
taggert is sent to find the perpetrators and to bring them to justice .
written by someone named jeb , i could already envision the stereotypes of incestuous relationships , banjo - picking preachers , and dumb - as - nails rednecks .
but the script puts seagal right smack dab in the middle of all of these scenarios as he tries to discreetly fit in .
seagal 's idea of a disguise is a long - length $ 1000 leather jacket .
but to get closer to the kinfolk , he will fix people 's porches for free .
that 's another great epa asset - teaching agents how to fix porches .
slow and plodding , this project is a total mess .
the sometimes allure of watching seagal is watching him outmaneuver enemies that outnumber and outgun him like in under seige .
here , his bravado basically turns into bullyness .
townsfolk who are foolish enough to challenge seagal are quickly subdued .
fight scenes are quick and senseless and offers no enjoyment value whatsoever
.
and his soap box message wears thin within the first 15 minutes .
the most annoying moment comes when he barges into the middle of a sunday church ceremony , gets behind the pulpit , and beseeches the townsfolk to take control of their lives and to help clean up the environment .
but the epitome of how moralistically mushy this film gets happens when the person responsible for the toxic dumping , kristopherson , meets up with seagal .
kristopherson asks seagal how much it will take for him to go away .
seagal gallantly replies : " i 'll leave when you take the poison from the streams and the earth .
"
i was expecting patriotic music to start blasting and a show of fireworks in the background .
this is truly nothing more than a pompous showcase for seagal 's righteousness and narcissistic arrogance .
seagal has been vanguard in trying to bring a new genre into the filmplace , that of the enviro - thriller ( on deadly ground ) .
however , the message will never come across through poorly developed vehicles like this .
still , i believe in preserving mother earth , so save your $ 5 and please donate it instead to some worthy environmentally conscious charity .
Output: N
tom dicillo directs this superficial comedy about superficial people in superficial careers , all searching for deeper meaning .
however , they wo n't find much meaning in the real blonde , and not enough real humor , either .
joe ( matthew modine ) is a struggling actor , or he claims to be one , even though he has no credits under his belt .
his girlfriend , mary ( catherine keener ) has no pretensions about her career : she 's a makeup artist , working for the eccentric fashion photographer blair ( marlo thomas ) and supermodel of the month , sahara ( bridgette wilson ) .
sahara , who has acquired a new age spirituality from repeated viewing of the little mermaid , has an on - again , off - again relationship with joe 's best friend , bob ( maxwell caulfield ) .
however , bob has gotten his biggest break yet : a starring role on a soap opera opposite the beautiful kelly ( daryl hannah ) , who may be that illusive woman he 's always pursued : a real blonde .
there are some moments of good humor in the real blonde , but not enough .
the best stuff is in throwaway details in the background , such as sahara 's perfume ads : " depression -
it 's not just a state of mind " .
but to find humor in the superficiality of models and actors is to shoot fish in a barrel . and ,
unfortunately , the film 's forays outside the realm of comedy are pathetic .
take for example the film 's framing device of an old lady and her dog .
the story serves absolutely no purpose , makes little sense , and is completely tangential to the main plotlines of the movie .
matthew modine and catherine keener have the most sympathetic characters in the film , but they 're stuck in the most boring plotlines .
modine whines and complains and would be completely pathetic if he was matched against someone stronger than elizabeth berkley , who appears as another struggling actor .
keener 's character has a stronger edge , but the insult self - defense class ( taught by denis leary , no less ) she is stuck in makes little sense .
the movie 's running time is under two hours , but it seems like it is well over it .
there 's just not enough humor to speed things along , and not enough meaning to propel any drama .
Output: N
" gordy " is not a movie , it is a 90-minute - long " sesame street " skit , and a very bad one at that .
this movie is so stupid and dumb that it 's depressing to think that some hollywood executives actually gave this the green light , and even more surprising is the fact that this is a disney movie .
i 'm sure children are the target audience of this movie , but only kids under the age of five may be able to tolerate it .
it is the story of a farm a piglet named gordy ( voiced by garms ) , whose family has been taken away to " up north , " which we know means death .
of course we can hear the animals talk to each other , and they actually went to the trouble of attempting to sync the voices with their mouths but
it comes out terrible .
actually , it 's almost funny in a way .
the only remotely interesting and likable character soon appears , a little girl named jinnie sue macallister ( young ) who sees gordy on the back of a truck and essentially steals him .
jinnie is a country singer and the film goes off on a huge tangent to show her little concert and the people dancing to it .
what is the point of this ?
maybe she is one of the producer 's relatives and they wanted to show her on camera to promote her or something .
we then cut to a huge social gathering and drop in on another young kid named hank royce ( roescher ) who is sad because his divorced mother is dating .
he leaves the party and meets jinnie sue , but he accidentally falls in a pool ( probably because he was sitting on the diving board with a $ 200 suit on - nah , did n't see that one coming ! ) , starts to drown , and is miraculously saved as gordy pushes an inflatable float over to him and saves him .
if this had not been insanely stupid already the story quickly changes when jinnie gives gordy to hank who then ends up becoming the ceo of a food processing corporation when hank 's grandfather , the original ceo , dies and leaves his fortune to hank . . .
and gordy !
of course there must be a villain , but even this villain ( donadio as sipes ) is n't that evil .
he never raises his voice or becomes angry , and of course he has the typical idiot goons kidnap gordy but
this is just so beyond stupid and cartoony we are constantly two steps ahead of the story .
it 's hard to tell whether the overall corniness and cheesiness to the movie is intentional because it is a family film , or if the filmmaker 's are just this untalented and stupid .
at times " gordy " is tolerable to watch , thus earning it one star and not the dreaded " z- .
"
but it 's just so unbelievably boring , cliche , dumb , unfunny , corny , and just plain bad it may scare children , it certainly disturbed me .
( 4/21/96 )
( 1/29/97 )
( 6/13/97 )
[ see also : " babe " ]
Output: N
senseless
( r ) marlon wayans is a very talented physical comedian , and it is that gift that brings senseless moments of life .
alas , moments are simply
that , moments , which are not enough to lift this fantasy / comedy above its one - joke premise . granted , that one joke is initially amusing .
when wayans 's darryl witherspoon , an economics major at stratford university , hits some dire financial straits , he becomes a guinea pig for a experimental drug that heightens all five senses .
after some initial side effects and problems controlling his superhuman senses , darryl learns to enjoy the benefits of his abilities and uses them to land a position at a highly esteemed corporate firm .
at this point , the film sounds more like senseful than senseless , but through some turns of the plot , darryl finds himself only able to use four of his five senses at once , essentially leaving him -- yes -- senseless .
this sets up some showcase moments for wayans 's gift for physical comedy , especially when darryl loses his sense of feeling and his body goes completely , hilariously limp . but these gags , and the gag behind the entire movie ,
quickly grows stale .
once darryl is shown without the use of all of the senses , instead of exploring any new comic territory , director penelope spheeris and screenwriters greg erb and craig mazin
take the easy way out and simply recycle each form of senselessness .
wayans approaches each go - round with gusto , but by this point he 's simply treading water for the rest of the film 's unfunny duration .
senseless would not be as problematic as it is if it did n't strive to be anything more than a comic trifle .
however , the raucous and often raunchy comedy is wrapped in a blanket of bogus sincerity .
darryl goes through the experiment in order to help his cash - strapped family , and this " serious " angle seems to come from an entirely different movie .
unlike wayans 's last starring vehicle , the surprisingly effective ( and serious ) the 6th man , the " emotional " content of senseless is forced and unconvincing .
any attempt at anything more substantial than broad comedy fizzles -- darryl 's romance with janice ( tamara taylor ) , a young woman who yearns for a man who is true to himself , does not generate sparks of any kind .
once his wb television sitcom the wayans bros .
comes to an end , the genuinely funny marlon wayans has a promising big - screen future ahead of him .
but if he continues to associate himself with projects as flat as senseless , his film career could go the way of his once - promising older brother , damon , who is now set to make his comeback -- on television .
Output: N
a slight romantic comedy with a feminist bent , but one with no edge to it .
it turns out to be a conventional film filled with the usual clich ?
s and stock characters of this genre .
though it 's a well - written and well - acted fluff piece , it still does not have too much to say that is surprising .
it 's made for the gentle art - house set , those who do n't want something too disturbing to think about .
it 's about a critically successful writer husband , alec ( pryce ) , who is so self - absorbed that he 's threatened by his department store floor - walking model wife , kate ( bouquet ) , who wants to be a writer .
she meets his crass publisher , vanni corso ( walken ) , another self - absorbed man , and a predictable relationship occurs .
the fireworks occur because she outgrows her husband 's first impressions of her as someone who was impressed with his genius and worships at his feet .
she now wants her own identity and her independence .
the film looked like the usual sitcom stuff , and is plagued with the cheap set design features reserved for a tv movie .
the film sagged in the middle of the story from the weight of its tedium , and eventually landed on its rear end with its unspectacular climax .
it 's set in london , and it opens as model kate rebuffs sexual advances by a wealthy american shopper , vanni .
she later meets him as her hubby 's new upstart publisher who seeks to have her intellectual author husband in his stable in order to give him credibility as a publisher of quality , and he quickly wins favor with her by publishing her vanity novel .
alec who is an obnoxious grouse , someone whom it seems it would be impossible to live with , tries to do everything to stop his wife from having her book published -- which only pushes her into the grasping arms of vanni .
the publisher is proud that he 's a mamma 's boy who never married and is a self - made man who has earned millions .
he has recently acquired a failing old london publishing house and plans to revitalize it , as he proudly tells kate : " if my father could sell pizzas in harlem , i could sell culture in europe .
"
the only thing that could n't be sold , is this stiff story and tired plot line .
the mystery to me , is how the lovely kate could like either man unless she was an insensitive dummy .
she soon divorces the beleaguered alec and marries the soon - to - become - beleaguered vanni .
when she writes a second novel , he rebuffs her the same way her first hubby did .
it ends with the same results that happened to hubby number one , as its story of ambition and lust winds down in a whimper .
a business affair was loosely based on the real - life literary and romantic travails of married authors barbara skelton and cyril connolly , in their celebrated 1950s love triangle .
Output: N
if you 're the kind of person who goes to see movies just because you long for some of that overpriced theatre popcorn ( butter optional ) , then this is the movie for you !
indeed , this has got to be either
one of the most unimaginative rip - offs of other recent action movies , or an incredibly unfunny spoof of them .
it 's difficult to fathom such insipidness unless you actually watch this film .
but at least we 're warned very quickly that we may regret our ticket purchase , giving us an opportunity to sneak on out and into the adjacent show .
what are the four ingredients of a really bad action movie ?
first , the movie gives us an introductory premise .
huge caverns exist deep beneath the ocean floor , and in this area , many ships have disappeared .
oooh .
. .
scary !
secondly , a cheesy soundtrack tries to connote a tone of mystery , but only succeeds in drowning our ears with an abrasive musical score .
third , the main character is a mercenary that delivers goods without asking about the contents of his cargo ( treat williams ) .
he operates a sophisticated military - style pt boat and every word that comes out of his mouth is awash in comical flippancy .
finally , in the cargo hold , we see those that hired him .
they are also mercenaries that have tough - looking haircuts , talk with accents , and try to show how macho they are .
during their trip across the stormy sea , their boat suffers an incident and requires repairs .
spotting a cruise ship in the distance , they make their way to the ocean liner and devise a plan to raid the machine shop , take the parts that they need , and then continue on their merry way .
little do they know that this cruise ship has become infested by some kind of ocean monster .
yet , they board the ship armed to the hilt with grenades and machine guns that can kill dozens in a matter of seconds .
this is nothing more than a by - the - book action film .
their realization of the situation that they 're in does n't happen until they are in the bowels of the boat .
those who are dumb enough to stray off on their own will ultimately get killed .
the corridors on the ship are narrow , misty , and provide the kind of atmosphere that all scare - fests must have .
yet , despite the predictable nature of this film , there are some scary " boo " moments .
but most of it is just outright silly .
and this film is unusually gory too .
monsters basically suck off the flesh and spit out skeletal remains .
there is one particularly neat scene where a monster has been cut apart and reveals a victim that is still alive .
he screams horribly as the monster 's digestive juices continue to slowly eat him away .
additionally , it borrows heavily from speed2 , alien and a bunch of other recent films .
the mercenaries even run into a lone , surviving passenger ( femke jannsen ) who looks amazingly like sandra bullock .
to be honest , when i left the theatre , i just had to laugh at how witless the film was .
it 's moronic fun at best .
so , if you 're hankering for a large bucket of popcorn served with a side of silliness , then this might just hit the spot .
Output: N
synopsis : when a meteorite crashlands in the arizona desert , community college professors ira kane ( duchovny ) and harry block ( jones ) are first on the scene .
they discover that an alien lifeform has arisen from the rock and is evolving at an amazing rate .
soon the army , advised by dr allison reed ( moore ) , moves in and forces kane and block out .
but when the aliens begin to menace society , it may take the scientists ' combined efforts to stop them before they terminate the evolution of another lifeform : humanity .
review : " evolution " certainly has the ingredients for a decent comedy .
it 's directed by reitman , clearly trying to parlay his " ghostbusters " success into a twenty - first - century counterpart .
it stars duchovny , and although one might question his judgment in lampooning his " x - files " character so soon after leaving the tv series , it should certainly provide him with plenty of ammunition .
and then there 's moore , who may not have much prior experience in comedy , but who has certainly proven her ability as an actress .
a shame , then , that it all deteriorates into such a hopelessly unfunny morass .
" evolution " is a movie more concerned with its special effects ( which are quite good ) than anything resembling a consistently funny script .
it has its moments ( a scene in which jones ' body is invaded by an alien is particularly entertaining ) , but there are embarrassingly long stretches that are utterly devoid of humour .
moore is totally wasted , her clumsy shtick getting very old , very fast .
duchovny has stunningly little in the way of material to work with .
and the story is so formulaic , it could have been written by monkeys .
part of what made " ghostbusters " so wonderful was a combination of a great script and characters the audience could root for .
" evolution " is so mind - numbingly tedious that it 's difficult not to start cheering for the aliens .
Output: N
deceiver is a plot twist in search of a movie .
this overly constructed film succeeds in having many surprises , and , being true to its title , being deceptive .
but there is little in the film that is worthy of deceit .
braxton ( chris penn ) and kennesaw ( michael rooker )
are two cops investigating the brutal murder of a prostitute ( renee zellweger ) .
their lone suspect is wayland ( tim roth ) , a wealthy young man whose phone number was found in the hooker 's pocket .
however , a routine lie detector test turns against the investigators , as the crafty wayland somehow turns the tables .
braxton and kennesaw are forced to confront their own troubled lives .
braxton is a gambling addict in deep to mook ( ellen burstyn ) , a local bookie .
kennesaw is bitter about his marriage to a socialite ( rosanna arquette ) , believing his wife to be unfaithful .
the plot is twisty and complex , with lots of lengthy flashbacks , and plenty of surprises .
however , there are times when it is needlessly complex , and at least one instance
the storytelling turns so muddled that the answers to important plot points actually get lost .
take a look at l . a . confidential , or the film 's more likely inspiration , the usual suspects for how a complex plot can properly be handled .
the dialogue in deceiver is as overcrafted as the plot .
for example , the film tells a few substories ( such as the tale of a woeful absinthe bender , or an alternative telling of how van gogh lost his ear ) , but they are so flat and so plastic that they come off as prefabricated and unbelievable .
there 's never the sense that these are real characters engaging in conversation .
they appear to be nothing more than words on a screenplay .
the characters , themselves , are rather pathetic and despicable .
not one of them is an ounce sympathetic , and as a result , the labyrinthine plot is all for naught .
what does it matter who is guilty of what and why ? writer - directors josh and jonas pate seem to desire to emulate the coen brothers ' masterwork blood simple , or the wachowski brothers ' less worthy bound .
but , while they have got the plot twists down cold , they need to work on characterization and dialogue .
Output: N
what are we going to do with jim carrey ?
viewers of television 's " in living color " know this one - man cartoon from such characters as fire marshall bill .
viewers also know that " in living color " is a skit - show and that a little of jim carrey goes a long way .
unfortunately , this fact was forgotten by the makers of the carrey comedy
ace ventura : pet detective .
three writers , including carrey , worked on the slapstick story , which sends a self - styled " pet detective " on the trail of a stolen dolphin .
the missing mammal belongs to the miami dolphins , who need their mascot for the upcoming superbowl .
for plot porpoises , this story works as well as any three stooges short .
carrey gets to do his " official " schtick as he snoops around greater miami .
he leers and sneers , craning his neck to funny effect .
he even does his captain kirk impersonation .
again .
all of this is pretty harmless stuff up until the point that you realize that the writers have absolutely no intention of focusing on anyone * other * than carrey .
( suggested alternate title -- jim carrey : will do anything for a laugh .
) export it to france
and you may have a hit .
as it stands , ace ventura is n't even good kid 's stuff .
the profanity count , alone , is too high .
which is ironic , since children are , probably , carrey 's best audience .
the film does n't even have the goofball charm of chris elliott 's recent no - brainer cabin boy .
sure , carrey has his moments .
but what can you say about a film whose high - points include watching carrey slink around to the theme from " mission impossible ?
"
ace ventura has one glaring incongruity .
amid the butt - jokes and double - takes , the script takes great pains to set - up an elaborate and rather funny " crying game " gag .
and , for * this * intended audience , that takes ( ahem ) cojones .
Output: N
so , it 's thirty years later , and oscar and felix are together again .
that might have been an exciting notion if it was n't for the fact that the " odd couple " of jack lemmon and walter matthau have been reunited in several recent movies : 1993 's " grumpy old men , " 1995 's " grumpier old men , " and 1997 's " out to sea
" ( i .
e .
"
grumpiest old men " ) .
so , " the odd couple ii " ( i .
e .
"
the grumpiest old men of all , really " ) seems just another entry in a tired series .
the plot is even similar to that of " grumpy old men " in that lemmon and matthau 's mismatched characters are brought together by a romance between their children .
oscar 's son ( jonathan silverman ) and felix 's daughter ( lisa waltz ) are getting married , and former roommates felix ungar ( lemmon ) and oscar madison ( matthau ) meet at the airport and decide to share a car . . .
then hilarity ensues .
well , a few chuckles ensue anyway .
neil simon , the award - winning playwright who created oscar and felix , provides the screenplay , which is a shock , because the script is a piece of talentless hackwork from beginning to end
.
unlike the original play / movie , " odd couple ii " does n't find its humor in the personality conflict of its characters .
instead , it depends upon a series of humorous situations : oscar and felix lose the car over a cliff , are caught smuggling mexicans over the border , take up with two women on the run from their violent husbands ( the women are played by christine baranski of " cybill " and jean smart of " designing women " ) , and hitch a ride with a man who dies in the desert .
the original 1968 movie " the odd couple " remains a classic comedy .
it introduced the motif of roommate - as - spouse that has provided gags for movies and sitcoms ever since .
it was the second outing for the lemmon / matthau team ( which debuted in 1966 's " the fortune cookie " ) , and they made a couple more worthwhile comedies , " the front page " ( 1974 ) and " buddy buddy " ( 1981 ) , before going their separate ways .
the reunion of lemmon and matthau in " grumpy old men " six years ago was delightful , and its sequel seemed appropriate because it tied up some loose ends from the first movie .
but " out to sea " and " the odd couple ii " are
just beating a grumpy old horse .
( you can add lemmon 's " my fellow americans , " i .
e .
" grumpy old presidents , " to that list , too . ) let 's hope that hollywood offers these two actors something fresh to do .
let 's hope also that we see neil simon 's name on movies that do it justice ( this is his first since 1993 's " lost in yonkers " ) .
Output: N
except for a few bright moments of good verbal comedy , that old feeling is embarrassing to sit through .
bette midler and dennis farina play lilly and dan , actress and author , once married
, now violently divorced , and back together one last time for their daughter molly 's ( paula marshall ) wedding .
lilly and dan hate each other passionately -- so passionately that they have sex at the wedding and fall in love again .
each ditches his or her current spouse of 14 years and runs off with the other .
molly , married now only 24 hours , runs off in search of her irresponsible parents while her husband keith ( jamie denton ) tries to console the abandoned spouses .
in molly 's search for her parents , she somehow falls in love with lilly 's paparazzo joey ( danny nucci ) .
meanwhile , the newlywed keith ends up consoling dan 's wife rowena ( gail o'grady ) in bed .
the audience i saw this with apparently thought that all the adultery was hilarious .
i 'm no dan quayle , but i thought it was a bit creepy
.
the message seemed to be " ignore your responsibilities unrepentantly and have fun fucking who you wish .
" " family values " aside , there 's something cruel about all this .
perhaps this movie would have played well as a black comedy , but the movie is a romantic comedy .
we are supposed to be rooting for these creeps .
reiner and screenwriter leslie dixon tried to make it easier on us by making the victims unlikeable .
lilly 's husband is a new - age flake who rambles about " emotional valet parking , " so we can write him off as irrelevant
.
dan 's wife is vain , manipulative , and jealous so
we can write her off as a bitch .
molly 's husband is a career - conscious , self - centered republican politician who thinks she 's too fat ( and just for good measure , he also fucked dan 's wife ) , so we can write him off as a prick
.
everyone else falls in love .
but still , that somehow does n't justify the actions of the movie 's main characters .
"
he 's a prick " or " she 's a bitch " is no defense .
the movie is somewhat redeemed by some funny dialog -- often during heated arguments -- and by above - average performances by midler and farina ( breaking out of his character - actor mold ) .
other than that , it 's a standard romantic comedy with a very substandard gimmick .
Output: N
maybe this mission should have been scrubbed mission to mars a film review by michael redman copyright 2000 by michael redman
there 's a world of difference between artists and technicians .
the artist has a vision to create something new .
he may not do it well
, it might be sloppy , but it 's something you 've never seen before .
a good technician can make it look good , but without direction from his own inner artist or someone else , it 's going to be just a xerox .
obviously successful films need both skills .
brian de palma is a masterful technician .
he 's spent his career copying others , most notably hitchcock .
he usually knows exactly what to do to make a scene work , but only because he has learned it by rote . aside from rare flashes of originality , his films are often soul - dead .
in de palma 's latest , he turns his attention to stanley kubrick .
to tell the truth , i enjoyed portions of this movie , but i liked it a lot better over 30 years ago when it was called " 2001 " .
i enjoyed it even more when it was titled " close encounters " .
nasa has set its sights for mars .
when the first crew meets with disaster , a rescue mission is sent to the red planet .
they do n't do so well either , but eventually meet up the lone surviving astronaut - gone - rasta and solve the mysteries of the universe .
and it 's all so boring .
there are so many scenes that just do n't work , it 's difficult to begin .
when the first crew is a few feet away from a raging massive upside - down martian tornado ( which looks remarkably like a sandworm from " dune " ) destroying everything in its path , they just hang out watching .
error .
the most interesting character ( and that 's not saying much ) is killed off .
error .
the alien is laughable .
error .
the rest of the characters are the dullest people imaginable
.
error .
there 's some nice eyecandy .
the face on mars , which turns out to be a giant metal thai buddha head , looks cool .
a three - dimensional holographic planetarium is more fun to watch than anything at disney world .
maneuvering in space suits outside the ship seems realistic .
but there 's so much more that feels as if we 've been there before .
from " 2001 " , there 's the rotating space station , the blinding white room .
> from " close encounters "
, they solve a sound puzzle and play it to the aliens .
the list goes on .
the actors are mostly mobile wooden statues .
even gary sinise and tim robbins ca n't muster enough emotion to convince us they are breathing .
no one seems to care about anything that happens .
you wo n't either .
the absolutely worst sin is the blatant product placement as dr .
pepper , with a 20 foot tall logo , saves the day .
they should save the commercials for those insipid bits before the film .
Output: N
ingredients : possessed plastic dolls in love , plastic dolls having sex starring : jennifer tilly , voice of brad dourif , katherine heigl , nick stabile , john ritter synopsis : this is the fourth film in the chucky series , which debuted in the late 1980s .
basically , chucky is a plastic doll that can walk and talk because it is possessed by the spirit of a slain murderer .
in bride of chucky , chucky 's longtime girlfriend tiffany ( jennifer tilly )
dies and her spirit inhabits a female plastic doll through voodoo .
dolls tiffany and chucky get married and embark on a quest to reach a cemetery in new jersey , where a mystical gem might enable them to be humans .
the dolls stow away in the back of a vehicle driven by a newly eloped couple , so in the side plot , the couple suspects each other of being a murderer .
opinion : bride of chucky is an attempt at horror with humor , but does n't succeed .
somehow , chucky moaning about mid life crisis , and how he should have gotten married does not make for a very scary chucky . and tiffany harping about mid life crisis , and how she should have gotten married does not make for a very scary tiffany .
the suspenseless bride of chucky relies mostly on jennifer tilly 's cleavage to keep attention during the first half , and on occasional puns to keep attention during the second half .
the best that can be said about bride of chucky is that it is sarcastic .
Output: N
i was going to see ram shrasta on the big screen last night , but before that i stopped into my video store to rent some movies .
luckily , my video guy was in the middle or recording ram shrasta !
i knew it was going to be a bad print with only half - faces and poor sound quality , but i could n't help myself .
. .
i got it .
well , after watching it ( it indeed was a bad print )
i was glad i did n't dish out $ 7 to waste three hours of my time sitting in a bad theatre watching a bad movie .
this movie really sucks .
it had so many inconsistencies it was driving me crazy ! !
for example , how can jackie shroff grow two feet of hair in just three or four days ?
jackie shroff looked really stupid with his steven seagal ponytail .
the songs are bad , the acting is bad
( especially deepti bhatnagar 's ) , and the direction is the worst of all .
the comedy scenes with jagdish and johnny lever
just made me want to throw up .
i did n't even finish the movie . . .
i could n't take it anymore . note : but if anyone out there liked aatish ( by the same director ) , i guess you 'd like this movie .
it 's practically the same except that sanjay dutt is replaced with jackie shroff .
aditya panscholi is the sidekick again .
( i was going to give it a zero , but i personally like jackie shroff , so i loosened up a little .
he looked fresh , wore good clothes ( as always ) , and his performance , even though
it was n't his best
, was the only saving grace of the movie )
Output: N
starship troopers is a bad movie .
i mean , a really , really , bad movie .
not only does it cross the line of bad taste
when it comes to blood , gore and body parts shown on the screen , it blissfully jumps over that line , apparently unaware that the movie trailers appeal to an audience of five to fifteen year olds ( of which i saw many in the theatre ) . looking past the appalling sight of overdone violence
, we are left with a movie with a thin plot at best , no strong lead characters , a blatant disregard for physics , and a very obvious naziesque theme .
that being said , onto the review : the movie starts with a propaganda message from the federation ( who 's logo bears a * strong * resemblance to a nazi german eagle ) , urging the populace to go off and fight the bugs , who are attempting to destroy earth .
the film shows large rallies with young children in attendance , pledging allegiance to the federation ( again , sound familiar ? ) . as the movie progresses , we are shown terror tactic training , as a drill sargeant very graphically compound fractures one recruits arm , and throws a knife through another 's hand .
eventually , the recruits embark on a journey to a location two thirds of the way across the milky way galaxy , to fight the bugs on their home planet .
as our faster than light travelling " heroes " arrive on planet , they drop onto the planet , and burst our of their craft brandishing . . .
" what ?
"
you say , " laser beam weapons ?
sonic weapons ?
phasers ?
photon cannons ? "
.
nope , they hop out brandishing good old 1997 machine guns , pump action rifles , and tactical nuclear weapons !
i guess a lot of physics money r&d went into travel and not weaponry .
as the assault begins , our group of troopers are seen walking in a straight line through a box canyon .
two members of the group notice rocks slipping and falling above them , and one even sees a streak fly by , but disregards it as nothing .
this of course , leads to more massive carnage , blood shed , and graphic depictions of limbs and heads being ripped and severed from their bodies .
again , i see that military tactics in the future must have evolved at about the same pace as their weapons !
in the end , we see neil patrick " doogie howser " harris burst onto the scene in what could accurately be described as a nazi ss trenchcoat , hat , and gloves .
he does a vulcan mind meld on the giant slug , and then proclaims that the bugs are scared !
this sets the troopers into a frenzy , as they are now one step closer to completing their goal , total genocide of a species ( again , sound familiar ? ? ) .
i have tried very hard not to step on and spoil the plot with this review , but
given it 's non - existence , i may have anyway .
i could go on for pages ripping this movie apart , but do n't want to bore you too badly
.
in short , i felt as if i were subjected to a mix between a pro - nazi war film with bugs substituted for allies , a drivers education accident scene film , and a complete blank screen ( the plot , of course ) .
i would n't recommend this movie to anyone , anywhere , under any circumstance .
copyright ( c ) 1997 tim jandt " >
Output: N
deserves recognition for : achieving the near - impossible task of making a grander monument to self - love than steven seagal 's on deadly ground .
capsule review : a question : after the floating baby ruth that was waterworld , what in the @$&% were the hollywood execs who gave kevin costner the money to make another post - apocalyptic movie thinking ?
in this 3 hour advertisement for his new hair weave , costner plays a nameless drifter who dons a long dead postal employee 's uniform and gradually turns a nuked - out usa into an idealized hippy - dippy society .
( judging by the costuming at the end of the movie , the main accomplishment of this brave new world is in re - inventing polyester . )
when he 's not pointing the camera directly at himself , director costner does have a nice visual sense , and it is undeniably fascinating to see such an unabashedly jingoistic film in the trust - no - one 90 's ; but by the time the second hour rolled around ,
i was reduced to sitting on my hands to keep from clawing out my own eyes . mark this one " return to sender " .
Output: N
as with any gen - x mtv movie ( like last year 's dead man on campus ) , the movie is marketed for a primarily male audience as indicated by its main selling points : sex and football .
those two items , wrapped in a guilty - pleasure package , are sure to snare a sizeable box office chunk initially , but sales will decline for two reasons .
first , the football sequences are nothing new , nor can they be ; the sports genre is n't mainstream
and it 's been retread to death .
second ,
the sex is just bad .
despite the appearance of a whipped cream bikini or the all - night strip - club party , there 's nothing even remotely tantalizing .
the acting is mostly mediocre , not including the fantastic jon voight .
cultivating his usual sliminess , voight gives an unexpectedly standout performance as west canaan coyotes head coach bud kilmer .
kilmer is the driving force behind the coyotes ' twenty - two conference championships and two state titles in thirty years ; this year he plans to make it twenty - three .
unfortunately , when his star quarterback , lance harbor ( paul walker ) , goes down for the count , he 's got to rely on the unreliable abilities of backup john moxon ( james van der beek ) .
moxon leads the team through its last four games , and then must cope with his newfound stardom , the effect it has on his relationship with girlfriend julie ( amy smart ) , and other temptations that abound in football - crazy west canaan .
most regions of the country are not nearly as football - crazy as texas , and so the atmosphere is likely to be lost on most . similarly , the set design is wrong for a high school setting : the teams are decked out with sparkling uniforms , radio headsets ( which never seem to work , however , and instead require coaches to signal plays manually ) , and even a giant bronze statue of coach kilmer .
these elements ( as well as the heavy drinking and carousing ) might be more appropriate on a college campus -- but mtv 's core audience is the high school demographic .
this focus is further emphasized by the casting : james van der beek , of tv 's " dawson 's creek , " is an understandable choice for the reluctant hero , although he never manages to do anything with the role .
other stars are similarly young and unmemorable .
there 's not much that goes right about varsity blues , and there 's not much to like about it , either .
everything herein has already been done , and if it has n't , the movie manages to botch it one way or another .
this is
certainly missable .
Output: N
it 's always a bad sign when the core audience of a film -- children -- are either walking out early or are half - asleep when the credits roll at the end of a film .
that about sums up the dreadful ugliness of 102 dalmatians , a cold pea soup of cute animals , stupid home alone antics , a boring puppy love subplot between dumb humans , and glenn close reprising her best joan crawford impression .
indeed , walt disney is rolling over in his grave again , cursing john hughes ' name for making the original live - action 101 dalmatians , one of the worst kiddie flicks of all time , and now its sequel .
the main culprit behind the hideousness of 102 dalmatians is its predecessor , 101 dalmatians .
the original made more than $ 100 million dollars at the box office , spawned a torrid collection of " collectible " items that ended up months later in the discount bins of wal - marts across the country , and generally made every kid on the planet want a damn dalmatian pup for christmas .
well , it 's been about four years since then , and dalmatian fever is coming back , and this time it 's digitally enhanced .
here 's the story .
cruella de vil ( glenn close ) is released from prison due to the " cure " of her puppy homicide urges by one dr .
pavlov .
( oh , how witty . )
she rejoins the world as a dog lover and is assigned to a probation officer , who oddly turns out to be her victim from the original film .
cruella then becomes ella -- dog lover -- until the plot twists , like a dog with his leash caught on the back of a moving truck , and she becomes the evil vixen again .
a kidnapping plot unfurls again as cruella decides she still needs her dalmatian coat , but she now needs 102 dalmatians instead of the commonly used 101 dalmatian formula .
at this point , i was envying those kids filing out of the theater .
how low have glenn close and gerard depardieu ( as the film 's villain ) sunk in the film business ?
it 's almost laughable in a sadistic way to watch close walk around in costumes that seem to be pulled from the wardrobe of flash gordon . and depardieu . . .
how can a french guy have a bad french accent ?
and never mind the toilet brush haircut .
the only minutely positive selling point i can even think to point out is the talking bird with a british accent ( courtesy of eric idle ) that thinks he 's a rottweiler .
now that 's funny .
Output: N
"
the animal " is a marginally inspired comedy that only manages to lumber along , generating just enough momentum to keep it from stalling .
it 's clunky and slow , like watching an 18-wheeler trying to accelerate up a hill .
there are certainly better things you can do with your time .
actually , if you 've seen the trailer , then you already know the plot and have seen its funniest moments .
the story centers on bland marvin ( rob schneider ) , who is an evidence clerk at the local police department that yearns to be a real officer .
but he 's afflicted with loser - itis .
dogs attack him
, neighbors torment him , children bully him , and his co - workers ignore him .
truthfully , with his bad haircut ( seemingly modeled after weird al yankovic , little richard , and giant poodles ) and his unenthusiastic demeanor , we 'd probably throw tomatoes at him just for fun .
this is actually bad because you ca n't like a character if you ca n't develop sympathy for him .
we never do , and it may be just as well that he drives off a cliff and plummets to the canyon floor .
however , marvin is found by an eccentric doctor ( michael caton ) who uses a radical and experimental procedure to save him , implanting our doofus with various animal parts and organs .
as a result , marvin develops heightened senses and increased agility and speed .
he can smell drugs hidden anywhere on a body , swim with the speed of a dolphin , and can run as fast as a cheetah .
imagine the comedic possibilities that arise from this operation .
with his enhanced abilities , he could now reap vengeance on all those who have shunned him .
however , the spirit of the film takes a raunchy turn , and instead , marvin spends most of his time trying to subdue or satiate his voracious appetite and his animalistic , sexual urges .
goats beware !
he also chases cats , urinates to mark his territory , or growls at his enemies .
what he should 've done was stick his head in the sand like an ostrich .
equally tenuous is its other running joke , which involves one of his friends ( guy torry ) who constantly complains that everyone is treating him too nicely because he 's black .
"
it 's reverse racism , " he declares as he blows smoke into the faces of strangers but none of them says anything .
this element does n't work the first time it 's mentioned , and it becomes increasingly trite with every recurrence .
you do n't have to be as wise as an owl to realize that " the animal " is tame .
if there 's any reason to see this film , it 's to see colleen haskell who makes her big screen debut .
remember her ?
she was voted off in week 11 of the 13-week program , " survivor .
"
here , she plays marvin 's sunny love interest .
while her role required very little actual acting , she seemed very comfortable ( even when marvin licks the side of her face like a lapping dog . . .
yuck ! )
.
with her adorable disposition , radiant smile , and playful innocence , she could be a meg ryan in the making .
it 's too bad that she 's in such a mediocre offering
Output: N
" houston .
we have a serious problem .
" after making " mission : impossible " , brian de palma has a lot to live up to .
by making an epic science fiction and inviting great cast and talented crew , he hopes to reach the modern audience .
and the possibilities are certainly there , but the result is a great disaster .
starting in a near future , with a prologue copied from " apollo 13 " , de palma slowly builds up his " story " .
the human race has already set foot on mars .
a research expedition has vanished without trace on the red planet and another one has been sent to find out what happened .
this is basically the whole plot .
so it 's hard to imagine that it can be stretched to 2 hours .
but de palma manages to do that .
it is not a very good achievement .
as we follow this expedition to mars and watch them slowly float in space , the hardest thing to do is stay awake .
the film 's major problem is that it tries to seem more clever than it is .
david mamet 's dialogue , while trying to seem natural , is distant and simply fake .
de palma and mamet wanted to combine action with a thought provoking plot .
the result is more like an unsuccessful mutation of kubrick 's " 2001 : a space odyssey " , " apollo 13 " and " godzilla " .
to make time pass , the creators have inserted several " refreshing " scientific details , that would not convince a half - crazed frog .
it consists of multiple copies and direct ripp - offs from several great science fiction films and stories .
when it finally presents an almost original idea ,
it falls flat because of its uncovered stupidity .
i ca n't even call this film predictable , since
no one with a healthy imagination can come up with something like this .
sometimes it gets so cheesy , that you 'll start laughing when you 're supposed to cry and cry when you 're supposed to laugh .
you 'll see enormous sandstorms , hear mysterious sounds and , last but not least , on this " constantly surprising " tour you 'll see -- an alien .
it 's really hard to find comparisons to such an experience , and i know that i 've never said that before ( i thought i never would ) , but " lost in space " is actually better .
that 's an achievement in itself !
director brian de palma has stroke gold with " untouchables " that became an instant american classic .
it is for this film that he will be remembered , while all his other failures will be forgotten .
he 'll live to fight another day !
i send the actors my condolences , since they truly do try to transform into their undeveloped and dull characters .
and both the cinematography , production design and art direction are very decent .
it is because of the achievement of 254 people , that i rate this film 2/10 .
unfortunately their hard work was in vain . if you have problems with insomnia , i recommend you this film .
if you 're not asleep within the first half hour , consult your doctor .
Output: N