niryuu/sni-each-converted huggingface dataset:
guilt .
guilt is something i felt while watching basic instinct for the ninth time ; the penultimate t & a thriller , basic instinct made my last few teenage years worth living .
but i know so well that it 's a terrible film , made by a terrible director incapable of feeling guilt
.
verhoeven went on to make the even more offensive showgirls and , on november seventh , 1997 , unleashed starship troopers to innocent moviegoers like me , who can not control the urge to see giant bug movies .
the pic begins with the most unintentional laugh of the year .
a simple , white on black title card reads " starship troopers " -my friends and i speculated that the night before the prints were shipped , verhoeven realized he forgot the credits .
is this how a hundred million dollar movie should open ?
were the rest of the film that subdued . . .
starship troopers is about a group of white , blond - haired himbos and bimbos who all have spanish last names .
they graduate high school , join the military , and then , rather curiously , decide to travel to an alien planet and destroy all lifeforms on that planet .
the story is so incomprehensible , and told so bombastically , it 's akin to 129 minutes of someone screaming punishments at you in a foreign tongue .
( aside , club lovers will be happy to know that dance music has n't changed in the future . )
one plus : starship troopers contains some very funny sequences , specifically the newsreels of the future .
hysterically funny , actually .
but the cynicism of these reports left me curious as to whether verhoeven felt pessimistic about the story in between .
the storytelling lacks focus , to say the least .
the politics of the film are scary .
the actions of the major female characters are dictated by their out - of - control libidos .
there 's even a creepy sex scene : the lovely dina meyer makes out , nude , with the sickening van dien while half her face is covered by her opaque sweater , just the way he seems to like it .
i use the term sickening because van dien is the least appealing actor i 've encountered in a big budget picture ; all chiseled features and machismo , he even barks a eulogy at a funeral like military orders .
of course , verhoeven 's probably the one to blame , and perhaps i 'm jealous because i 'm so disgusting .
at any rate , a movie called starship troopers should n't be about sex .
exactly ten years ago , verhoeven made robocop , which was about nothing but skillfully made and oddly moving .
and r - rated , despite its goofy premise .
maybe it 's asking too much for verhoeven to make a pg - movie
, then - he 's a master of insipid violence .
however , ten year old boys would adore starship troopers if they could see it .
Output: N
"
you damn dirty apes !
"
that 's just one of the inadvertenty hilarious lines from planet of the apes that 's taken on a comedic context over time .
no one back then seemed to realize how over - the- top charlton heston 's acting style was , but it shows now , particularly in this " mystery science theater 3000 " wannabe
that was taken for a film masterpiece in its time , actually winning one oscar ( for makeup , no less ) and being nominated for a couple others .
it also spawned multiple sequels like beneath the planet of the apes , escape from the planet of the apes , return of the planet of the apes , beneath the escape from the return of the planet of the apes , planet of the apes : the next generation , police academy of the apes . . .
the list goes on .
heston is an american astronaut who spends a few thousand light years in space with his three companions and ends up on a planet not too dissimilar from earth .
the thing is , on this planet humans ca n't talk or think and the guys in the gorilla masks are the dominant species .
heston 's companions are killed or turned into vegetables by the apon is imprisoned .
he surprises them all with his gift of speech , making two primate scientists ( roddy mcdowall and kim hunter ) believe heston is the missing link between ape and man .
believe me , we movie critics have been thinking the same thing for years .
when the two apes present the idea before a judicial counsel ( the head ape being shakespearean actor maurice evans ) , it is received as heresy , for all good monkeys know
god " created ape in his image .
"
but heston has already seen a cave that contains evidence that humans were originally the dominant species , before apes ever gained the ability to speak and run for president .
and he takes them there , holding up a baby doll and yelling , " if humans could n't speak , then how do you account for this talking doll ? ! " and how do you account for your acting ability , mr .
heston ?
the absolute most laughable scene comes with the movie 's surprise conclusion .
i wo n't reveal the details except to say it involves heston falling to his knees on a beach and yelling " god
damn you all to hell !
" several times in succession .
the movie is atrocious and should only be viewed by those members of society who like to watch bad movies and laugh at them .
what makes planet of the apes even more amusing is that it was supposed to function as some sort of social irony , a condemnation of fundamentals who reject the theories of evolution .
but let me tell you , if darwin could see the ape masks and hear the rotten dialogue exchanges ( heston [ to female ape ]
: may i kiss you before i go ?
ape :
but . . . you 're so . . .
ugly . ) , he 'd convert to creationism on the spot .
luckily for us , science - fiction movies have evolved over time to the point at which some of them are actually good .
Output: N
the one question that eats at me after seeing corky romano is why touchstone spent so much money marketing this throwaway film .
since june , i have n't been able to turn on the tv or go to the movies without getting hit by some ad depicting chris kattan as the spastic corky , shrieking out a - ha 's " take on me " in his yellow miata .
why would disney sink so much cash into the corky hype machine ?
honestly , i was hoping that all the goofball ads were actually a front for a decently funny movie .
man , was i wrong .
corky romano is one of those throwaway , clich ?
-ridden
tv - star - to - film vehicles built upon the most rickety of plots .
fortunately for chris kattan 's precariously positioned career , corky does have some good laughs , even if most of them are of the lowest - brow variety
.
kattan plays the title character , the unsinkable assistant veterinarian corky who has a penchant for sunshiny ' 80s tunes , bright ties , and banal coffee mug slogans ( " you do n't have to be crazy to work here , but it sure helps . " ) .
when his mob boss dad ( peter falk ) is about to be put away on murder charges , his bungling , lughead brothers ( peter berg and chris penn ) rope in innocent , black sheep corky to infiltrate the fbi as an agent and steal the evidence .
predictably , hijinks ensue .
if the basic plot sounds bad , wait until you get into the inner - workings of this clunker .
the writers will amaze you with the depth of their inanity .
corky 's fbi agent identity is named corky pissant ( " that 's pronounced pees - ahn .
it 's french . " ) .
he becomes a first - rate agent by accidentally stumbling mr .
magoo - style onto the proper clues and talking his way in and out of situations , which plays like something out of a sitcom .
and not a good sitcom , i mean .
the romano family brothers even insult each other by farting in each other 's face .
and in a scene taken straight from there 's something about mary ,
corky gives a dachshund mouth - to - mouth resuscitation .
but it 's not a complete disaster .
the manic kattan does occasionally rescue some comic moments , including a bit featuring a cat in a fat suit named jesus and another involving schoolchildren , a german shephard , and a kilo of cocaine .
plus , berg -- whose career has obviously gone downhill since the last seduction and chicago hope -- gives a great turn as the illiterate brother paulie .
and , it 's nice to see that richard roundtree of shaft fame is getting work .
unfortunately for those out there who ca n't truly appreciate animal or fart jokes , corky wo n't have much to offer you .
so the next time one of those pesky ads appears on your tv , asking , " who is corky ?
"
you can simply reply , " who cares ? "
Output: N
plot : two sister witches have to live with a curse placed upon their family , which prevents them from ever enjoying a full life with a lover .
the hex invokes the eventual demise of their loved one .
when one of their past loves comes back to haunt them , they have to figure a way out of their eternal dilemma .
critique : i 've been waiting for a good witch movie for a while now , but hold on to your brooms and incantations , cause this puppy is far from being it !
for a film that has the word " magic " in its title , this movie contains very few moments of magic . . .
or humor for that matter , drama , suspense , or romance .
well actually , there is some manufactured romance within a plot that is so muddled
, it never lets you in on whether it 's a comedy , a drama , a horror show , or a murder mystery .
or maybe it 's a romance , eh ?
it does n't really matter , cause the characters in the film are so boring and uninteresting , that you have absolutely no basis on which to care for them , or the film as a whole .
if only the filmmakers had spent as much time on the plot as they did the sinfully obvious soundtrack , this film might 've had a chance to be more than what it is now . which is an unentertaining , crappy film that uses the witch angle as a diversionary tactic to weave us away from its grab - bag of stupid voice - overs , overdone songs , melodramatic romance , undeveloped story and uneven acting
.
i only wish that i could make that one hour and forty - five minutes of my life re - appear , but alas , it is lost in the spiritual world of " interesting ideas gone wildly awry " . little known facts about this film and its stars : this film is based on the novel written by alice hoffman .
co - screenwriter akiva goldsman also wrote the screenplay for 1997 's batman & robin .
director griffin dunne is known mainly as an actor in such films as an american werewolf in london and after hours .
Output: N
the scene at the end of 1989 's ` dead poets society , ' when robin williams ' english students stand up on their desk and say , ` captain , my captain , ' gets me every time .
unfortunately , the court room scene near the end of robin 's newest film , ` patch adams , ' does n't have anywhere near the same impact .
from the surface ` patch adams ' looks very promising .
it 's a story about a not so young man , patch adams ( robin williams ) , who finds meaning in his life through helping sick people .
when the film opens , we find patch , depressed and suicidal , checking himself into a mental hospital .
in a few scenes , strongly reminiscent of ` one flew over the cuckoo 's nest , ' he ends up helping the patients through their problems ; and it 's here that he finds how much he loves working with people .
so he checks himself out of the hospital , and heads straight to medical school .
right from the start , patch uses comedy to help make the patient more comfortable .
he continuously breaks medical tradition and makes the dean of the school angry .
shortly after joining medical school , he meets and falls in love with carin ( monica potter ) .
they , along with patch 's dork friend , truman ( daniel london ) , start a medical clinic for uninsured people .
once the dean catches wind of the clinic , he tells patch he ca n't graduate and kicks him out of school .
patch , like what any true american would do , takes the school to court .
it 's here where the not so climatic court room battle takes place , over whether or not patch can become a real doctor .
i have never seen a movie with some potential
just completely blow it .
it seems more like a series of short sketches , rather than a full - length movie .
considering it runs almost two hours , much too long for such a light film , it could have flowed much smoother .
not to mention the fact of how serious the film takes itself , and manages to cover all the cliches of bad melodrama .
robin williams saves the film from being abysmal with several comic scenes that elevate the movie to entertaining and worthwhile levels .
but those moments are rare and in the end ` patch adams ' is barely average .
Output: N
wesley snipes is a master of selecting bad action roles .
murder at 1600 , u . s .
marshals , money train , drop zone , boiling point , and the ultimate camp film - passenger 57 .
the art of war is another entry in this very ugly and unique category .
ultimately , it is little more than a ridiculous action film with a plot as believable as the warren report , ugly violence that would have made peckinpah cringe , and terrible acting by b - list actors like michael biehn and anne archer .
oddly , it feels like the undiscovered sequel to another snipes " masterpiece , " rising sun .
the movie revolves around the convenient story of a special un operative caught up in a secret murder conspiracy involving a chinese ambassador , the chinese triad brotherhood , a rich chinese businessman ( played by ?
that bad guy from rising sun , cary - hiroyuki tagawa )
a chinese un interpreter , and , inexplicably , donald sutherland .
the film ends with more confusion than a boatload of chinese immigrants trying to register at ellis island .
or should i say the film ends with the most blatant ripoff of both the matrix and all of john woo 's hong kong films combined .
i am really at a loss to figure out why wesley snipes had the gumption to not only star in this action dud but also act as one of the producers of the film .
i usually enjoy snipes ' movies - though his dramatic roles better show off his creativity as an actor than the flashiness of his action films .
simply , i am amazed by the how inane the script was , filled with terrible cliches and extremely violent action sequences .
director christian duguay ( screamers ) has a strange attraction to the viciousness of violent acts -- showing splattering brains , people impaled with broken shards of glass , and lots of gargling and gagging as blood sprays everywhere .
it also sickens me to know that oliver stone , one of the greatest directors working today , had his hand in producing this monstrosity .
i guess snipes sold stone on the conspiracy angle and stone chose not to read the script , watch the dailies , be involved in casting , or anything else -- or else
he 'd be filing a court order to remove his name from the credits .
it 's also seems evident that with the russkies as our new bosom buddies and the middle eastern terrorist angle being beaten to death in the last couple of years that the new international enemies in hollywood are the communist chinese .
i 'm sure over the next couple of months
, even more " chinese conspiracy / martial - arts action flicks " are going to be popping up in your local multiplex .
hopefully they wo n't include wesley snipes .
Output: N
senseless is a prime example of what can happen when you try to push a one - joke concept a bit too far
.
director penelope spheeris is no stranger to this , having subjected audiences before to such tortures as the beverly hillbillies .
marlon wayans stars as darryl witherspoon , a college senior vying for a lucrative job at a prominent brokerage .
however , he lacks the advantages of his chief opposition , scott thorpe ( david spade , in the smarmy sort of role he can deliver in his sleep ) : an athletic record , sponsorship by a fraternity , and , most of all , a wealthy family to back him up .
in fact , darryl has to work at four jobs simply to make ends meet .
but there may be a light at the end of that tunnel .
he signs up as a human guinea pig in a neurological experiment run by the university 's dr .
wheedon ( brad dourif ) .
as a result , his senses are magnified tenfold .
using his newfound abilities , he sets himself in complete pursuit of the job ( unaware that there may be some disadvantageous side - effects to having super senses ) .
naturally , marlon wayans plays this comedy at full throttle , giving jim carrey - ish amounts of physical humor .
the problem is , aside from a few genuinely inspired bits , there 's not much that 's funny here
.
the film has it 's one central gag , and pads out the rest of its length with rather obvious lowbrow humor .
there obviously was n't much thought put into the plot .
the entire job selection process is completely ridiculous .
i mean , why the emphasis on extra - curricular activities if the entire job is going to come down to a single - elimination quiz anyhow ?
and is this the only job being offered to economics majors this semester ?
to give it credit , senseless does try to create a secondary joke with darryl 's roommate , tim laflour ( matthew lillard ) .
apparently , he is supposed to be faddish , but the film never does anything with him , leaving him in a piercing phase throughout the movie .
his " intervention " scenes with darryl , however , do provide a rare , and welcome , laugh .
and then there 's the love interest which is always pathetically tacked onto comedies like this one .
in this case , the object of darryl 's amor is janice ( tamara taylor ) , a fellow student who wo n't have anything to do with darryl until he gains his super - senses .
needless to say , the romance is completely extraneous , and adds little to the film .
this is a film that desperately needed something else .
be that a good plot , more jokes ( or simply funnier ones ) , or a strong character or two , anything would have helped senseless get off the ground
.
as it is , all the manic exuberant mugging in the world ca n't help marlon wayans get this one off the ground .
Output: N
i have a confession .
even though i am a movie junkie - i saw eye of the beholder and yet i still watch movies
- i've never seen any of the original godzillas .
( note that godzilla 2000 is not a sequel to the u . s .
godzilla released in 1998
; it 's the american release of a 1999 godzilla flick called gojira ni - sen mireniamu . )
so , part of me was excited as i drove to the local multiplex to see godzilla 2000-the latest entry in an almost 50-year old franchise .
this was a long - awaited treat .
i was expecting a goofy good time , complete with bad dubbing , science fair level sets and a ludicrous plot line .
the last thing i expected was for the movie to be so ?
boring .
i can only imagine what the theatre full of kids i saw this with felt .
you do get all of the " so bad
they 're good " traits
so normally associated with the franchise .
but you have to sit through a snoozer plot that has the organization of a rorschach blot .
it 's a deal
i was n't willing to accept .
hiroshi kashiwabara and waturu mimura 's script crams in way too many details
, and in many cases , fails to follow up on them .
the maneuver is not only disconcerting , but gives the movie a permanent logy , weighty feel .
godzilla starts off destroying power plants and then just stops .
was it a whim ?
a bold political statement ?
i do n't know .
its foe , an ancient meteor that looks like prudential 's logo , does n't just fight the beast from the far east .
no , it 's got to have life - saving powers , a plot to erase " the data " from japan , a desire to clone and the ability to become a spaceship and then some kind of tentacled space creature .
there 's a battle between the head of the godzilla prediction unit ( takehiro murata ) and a slimy government official ( hiroshi abe ) over the handling of godzilla , and personal issues .
and then there 's the plucky news photographer and
blah , blah , blah .
it 's like watching magnolia all over again - except without the good writing , keen sociological insight and aimee mann songs .
what a waste . when the talking and the plot points stop hurtling at you , godzilla 2000 does the job - it 's entertaining and goes down easy .
the action scenes are cheesy in their grandeur though a little sluggish .
the dubbing is nice and awful , with murata sounding like he 's in constant need of a cough drop .
as for the dialogue , one line summarizes the goofiness factor : " did anyone see that flying rock go by ?
" this movie also marked the first time since the three stooges that i 've heard the word " imbecile " used in casual conversation .
though the summer movie season is drying up and godzilla 2000 has its moments ,
i would n't take kids to see it .
they 'll probably end up asking more questions than charlie rose .
Output: N
capsule : five friends at a stag party are involved in the accidental killing of a prostitute .
the cover - up attempt becomes a monster that eats up the friends , two wives and several innocent bystanders .
this was a real audience pleaser at toronto , but it did not do much for me
. ,
low 0
( -4 to +4 ) - directed by peter berg who acted in the last seduction and copland .
- five buddies go on a stag outing to las vegas while cameron diaz works through the logistics of her upcoming wedding to one of them .
one of the buddies accidentally kills a prostitute .
- several people with no moral compass .
they started out with a simple , innocent little cocaine party ( ! )
and by accident look what happened .
they have one moral person among them ( daniel stern ) , and one totally amoral person ( christian slater ) .
it is more selfish to let the amoral lead , so they do .
- this film is strange , but not really funny or biting .
black comedy should actually be funny as well as strange .
there should be some element of satire .
the satire is missing here .
i did not find myself laughing here either .
what we have is a strange crime tale .
- one just does not care what happens to these people .
- the same idea of people just getting themselves in deeper and deeper has been done frequently .
if this film is popular it is just bringing a familiar plot to a new generation .
- it begins like diner ( particularly with daniel stern ) and ends up like an extended horror / crime comic book .
- there are several logical holes in script .
if a security man goes to investigate a complaint and disappears , would n't the guests he was investigating be the first suspects ?
someone framed for a crime in the way shown would be judged innocent after minimal forensic detective work .
( i am desperately trying to avoid making this a spoiler . )
- popular and situation ethics get a real slamming .
- some acting of grief is hammy and overdone .
more yelling than humor .
Output: N
warner brothers has scored another marketing coup .
the one - two punch was started in the summer , with the release of batman forever .
trailers for ace ventura 2 were bundled with the bat , ensuring that every jim carrey fan in the free world would know about the impending sequel .
carrey went on to win raves as the riddler and the ever - wise warner chose halloween as the release date for the video ( $ 11 .
99 at wal - mart ) ; a mere two weeks before carrey 's return in this marketwise , but misfired comedy .
ace ventura : when nature calls is a painful reminder of just how grating the rubber - faced comic can be when allowed to perform within an uncontrolled environment .
he may have been brilliant under the direction of joel schumacher , in batman forever , but , here , left to his own devices , carrey quickly wears out his welcome .
the opening sequence is by far the best -- an amusing spoof of cliffhanger , with ace performing a mountain rescue of a stranded raccoon .
( you can guess what happens to mr .
paws .
hint : it sounds like splat . )
the plot quickly shifts to a temple in the himalayas , and then to not - so - darkest africa , where ace is on the case of a missing white bat .
with his hair and limbs both wildly askew , carrey flies through his routine in about thirty minutes .
the rest of the film is just more of the same .
sure , the plot 's linear , and the production values solid , but where is the scripted humor to support carrey 's sloppy slathering ?
writer and director steve oderkerk provides precious few set - ups .
instead , carrey
just mugs away , playing for the camera even when most of it is n't funny .
the better gags have been shown in the ads , though a bit with ace
emerging buck - naked from the backside of a mechanical rhino is something to see .
though an arguable improvement over the original , ace ventura : when nature calls is still a snooze for anyone over the age of ten .
the script is virtually devoid of wit .
tribal mask jokes ?
jerry lewis cameos ?
forget it .
if anything , the inexplicable presence of simon callow ( four weddings and a funeral ) and bob gunton ( the shawshank redemption ) suggests that working with carrey is the classical actor 's ultimate challenge .
just how long * can * they keep a straight face ?
Output: N
synopsis : wealthy cuban landowner luis ( banderas ) gets more than he bargained for when he sends away for an american bride .
not only does his new wife turn out to be the beautiful julia ( jolie ) , she also harbours a secret past of dubious merit .
soon , julia has absconded with both luis ' fortune and his heart , and as he pursues his wife through the cuban underworld , luis begins to realise that , for him , there is no turning back .
review :
given the absurdism of its would - be plot , it 's unlikely that " original sin " could have been turned into a reputable piece of filmmaking , regardless of writer , director or stars .
this is , at its heart , b - movie junk : a lurid melodrama which appeals to neither the brain nor the heart but to the nether regions .
that said , " original sin " could at least have become enjoyable junk had the filmmakers embraced its trashiness and indulged in it .
instead , cristofer seems to have mistaken this for a serious production , and directs it as such .
the result is a vapid , uninteresting morass of obvious crosses and double crosses , as likely to incite a yawn as a thrill .
consider the initial sex scene between banderas and jolie : brightly - lit and mostly filmed from above ,
it looks like an excerpt from an amateur soft porn show .
cristofer does n't even manage to capture the allure of cuba ; instead of portraying his setting as a steamy , sensuous island paradise , it appears bland and lifeless . at least banderas and jolie manage to inspire some interest ; there are hints at times that they want to have more fun with the script , but are n't being given the chance .
the same can not be said of jane , whose billy is nebbish and transparent .
also unwise is the jolie framing sequence , which practically gives away the film 's denouement .
Output: N
"
the red violin " is a cold , sterile feature that leaves you uninvolved and detached .
it 's a movie that seems almost clinical , as it traces the 300-plus - years history of the legendary musical instrument of the title .
opening in the 17th century , the story shows how violin - maker nicolo bussotti created the instrument as a gift for his unborn son .
but when tragedy strikes , the violin becomes the personification of its maker 's grief .
from there the violin comes into the hands of an orphaned child prodigy at an austrian monastery .
again , tragedy strikes as the child is struck down at the moment of his triumph .
we follow the violin through the centuries as it finds a home in england and in mao 's communist china before being discovered by expert charles morritz ( samuel l . jackson ) , who mounts a painstaking investigation to prove its authenticity .
the violin becomes morritz 's obsession , just as it is for all those who converge on a montreal auction house to bid on it .
morritz , however , is the only one who knows the secret of the instrument and can understand and appreciate its creator 's intention .
"
the red violin " could have been a touching , inspirational story , as soaring as a beethoven symphony .
however director francois girard fails to make any emotional connection with the viewer .
here is a story that could have made use of various camera angles and lighting to heighten its impact .
girard , for some unknown reason , uses mostly master shots , keeping his camera - and thus us - at a distance .
we get no feel for the miracle
that is the violin .
it 's resonance , its purity of sound are not emphasized enough to make an impression .
nor are any of the performances memorable .
it 's as if girard wanted all his actors to play second fiddle to his violin .
"
the red violin " promises much , but delivers little .
it is dull at times , a bit pretentious and a might murky .
the movie 's music soars over its story and performers .
and that is its only saving grace .
Output: N
wyatt earp details thirty - five years in the life of same from around 1865 to 1900 .
after seeing the movie speed twice recently , i kept thinking that i was seeing wyatt 's life pass before my eyes in real time .
this movie was boring , slow , boring , and slow .
there were a few scenes that tried to be great scenes that tried too hard and just fell flat .
the script happily woman - bashes but also tries to sound like an 80s movie .
they can not have it both ways .
"
i now pronounce you husband and wife .
" sure , they said that in the 1800s .
" entrepreneur .
" sure .
every bit of male - ego - stroking dialogue that wyatt 's third wife speaks to him made me sick to listen to it .
"
oh , the script was written by two men ?
" " no kidding !
"
the movie is torture to sit through .
the scenery is boring .
the fades were either awkward or cliche or to self important .
can you say poor editing
? everyone looks ugly in this movie .
when you shoot people from under their chins , they look like they have double chins .
kevin costner has never looked worse .
he should sue .
he looks like he gained the 43 pounds that dennis quaid lost .
dennis quaid is marvelous . if you have to see this movie just for his performance , go into the theatre at the movie 's halfway mark .
doc holliday ( quaid 's character ) shows up at about the 90-minute mark .
gene hackman is very good .
is he in the credits ?
i do n't remember seeing his name .
mare winningham makes the best of a small role as wyatt 's second wife .
annabeth gish is good as wyatt 's first wife .
i though that jamie gertz played wyatt 's third wife , but i later heard that her name is joanna going .
she looks great but
her dialogue sucks .
she also seems way to young for costner .
costner seems way to old for 90 % of this movie .
in his first scene he is supposed to be about 19 years old .
yeah , right .
catherine o'hara and jobeth williams are always good and totally wasted here .
this is the worst movie that i have seen in years .
the last action hero was better that this .
go see maverick if you want to see a western .
bullets for dennis quaid 's performance only .
Output: N
david schwimmer ( from the television series " friends " ) stars as a sensitive ( and slightly neurotic ) single guy who gets more than he expected from the grieving mother ( barbara hershey ) of a classmate he ca n't remember .
hello mrs .
robinson !
though quite cute as a romantic comedy , the pallbearer is paced like a funeral march .
the characters act , react , and interact at half - speed , making for one * excruciatingly * long sit .
( and what 's with the dreary lighting ? )
co - writer / director matt reeves brings some snap to the story 's midsection ; the film briefly comes to life when our hero attempts to resolve his feelings for * another * classmate ( a very appealing gwyneth paltrow ) .
by this time , though
, most viewers will have either fled or fallen asleep .
those tough souls who stay with it can marvel at the sleepy - eyed schwimmer , a hound dog with a head cold , who can go for over an hour without ever changing his expression .
Output: N
" saving silverman " is a good example of a good comedy gone bad
.
as a love story it is good , however as a comedy
it falls flat on it 's face
.
i think throughout the short 90 minutes i laughed a total of seven times . . .
and those were just chuckles at the most !
the movie does n't have the oomph to make it a great movie , and does n't have the script to make it a funny movie .
wayne lefessier ( steven zahn ) ,
j .
d .
mcnugent
( jack black ) , and darren silverman ( jason biggs ) have grown up all their lives together , they have been best friends forever and vow to stay close till the end .
while in a bar after doing a show with their band , based on their love of neil diamond , darren meets a young woman named judith ( amanda peet ) whom he instantly falls for .
wayne and j .
d . however think differently and when judith tells darren that he can never see his friends again
, it 's up to wayne and
j . d . to try and begin saving silverman .
the performances are topnotch and
surprisingly , they are what keep the movie afloat .
jason biggs right off the flop " loser " does an ok job playing silverman , but he is stale and flat at times .
steve zahn is perfect in the role of wayne lefessier , and even though the movie is about silverman , lefessier is really the main character and the narrator of the movie itself .
jack black is well jack black , and he does an all right job as j .
d .
but he is n't as funny as he has been in the past .
amanda peet plays the ultimate bitch as judith , and neil diamond plays neil diamond ( he 's better at singing than acting ) .
anyway the performances in the film are good , but it 's too bad the script is n't .
speaking of script , hank nelkan 's choppy script is not only badly written , but not funny enough even for an episode of sesame street .
the trailer for the movie , as with most movies gives away everything that happens in the movie , especially the funniest parts .
somewhere " saving silverman " was meant to be a good movie , and it could have been , but alas in the end it was n't .
dennis dugan 's direction is all right , he adds a few directorial touches here
and there , nothing special being a simple comedy .
" saving silverman " is a perfectly bad movie in more ways than one .
it has a great cast , a good director and a sweet story .
. .
it 's just too bad
it has a bad script and is all together a bad movie .
Output: N
one of my brother 's favorite movies is h .
b .
halicki 's 1974 cult flick " gone is sixty seconds , " one of the best products of the car - chase genre that provided drive - in fare during the 1970 's .
chase pics had more tire squeals than dialogue , but they had a strong visceral appeal .
although it boasts a bigger budget and familiar stars , the remake of " gone in sixty seconds " is relatively weak and dull .
randall " memphis " raines ( nicolas cage ) is a retired car thief who runs a go - cart track .
he got out of crime so that his younger brother kip ( giovanni ribisi ) would not take up boosting cars .
however , kip became a thief anyway , and now he 's in big trouble .
kip promised to deliver fifty luxury and sports cars to gangster raymond calitri ( christopher eccleston ) by the end of the week .
calitri expects memphis to fulfill kip 's bargain ; if he does n't come through , kip dies .
memphis gathers his old crew ( angelina jolie , robert duvall , will patton , chi mcbride , and vinnie jones ) , and kip brings his boys ( t .
j .
cross , william lee scott , scott caan , and james duval ) .
as if calitri breathing down their necks was n't bad enough , the team is pursued by a cop ( delroy lindo ) who 's still ticked off that he never busted memphis and by a rival gangster ( rap star master p ) who wants to take over calitri 's clients .
watching " gone , " i discovered that stealing fifty cars is not any more interesting than stealing one .
maybe that 's why the first forty - nine are fairly easy , and the thrills are saved for " eleanor , " a 1967 shelby gto , a model that has always eluded memphis .
but the big chase does n't live up to the long wait .
i had high hopes for " gone " because it is director dominic sena 's second film .
" kalifornia ,
" his 1993 debut , was a brilliant study in the relationship between violence and its audience .
in that movie sena took a simple thriller plot ( a couple gives a serial killer a ride ) and successfully endowed it with deeper significance .
in " gone " he seems to be aiming for a drama about two brothers who ca n't communicate with each other , but that goal just does n't mesh with this plot .
" gone " either takes itself too seriously or not seriously enough .
it 's not light enough to be fun , or mean enough to be intense .
this chaser has more dialogue than tire squeals but
is none the better for it .
the lack of action is a waste of the premise , which should have challenged the filmmakers to create the most spectacular car chases ever .
the weak script is a waste of a talented cast .
in a " newsweek " interview last year , sean penn blasted his old pal nic cage for making bad movies .
much as i like cage , for every good picture he does ( " leaving las vegas , " " bringing out the dead " ) , there are two major stinkers ( " snake eyes , " " con air , " " 8 mm , " " city of angels " ) .
that ratio is probably better than what a lot of his peers can boast , but cage has real talent .
it 's a shame to waste it in glitzy , superficial tripe
like " gone in 60 seconds . "
Output: N
steve martin is one of the funniest men alive . if you can take that as a true statement , then your disappointment at this film will equal mine .
martin can be hilarious , creating some of the best laugh - out - loud experiences that have ever taken place in movie theaters .
you wo n't find any of them here .
the old television series that this is based on has its moments of humor and wit .
bilko ( and the name is n't an accident ) is the head of an army motor pool group , but his passion is his schemes .
every episode involves the sergeant and his men in one or another hair - brained plan to get rich quick while outwitting the officers of the base .
" mchale 's navy " 's granddaddy .
that 's the idea behind this movie too , but the difference is that , as far - fetched and usually goofy as the television series was , it was funny .
there is not one laugh in the film .
the re - make retains the goofiness , but not the entertainment .
everything is just too clean .
it was obviously made on a hollywood back lot and looks every bit like it .
it all looks brand new , even the old beat - up stuff .
martin is remarkably small in what should have been a bigger than life role .
in the original , phil silvers played the huckster with a heart of gold and more than a touch of sleaziness .
martin 's bilko is a pale imitation .
the only semi - bright spot is phil hartman as bilko 's arch - enemy .
it 's not saying much , considering martin 's lackluster character , but hartman leaves him in the dust .
Output: N
who knew that in 16 years eddie murphy , who made such a brash , raucous big - screen splash in _ 48_hrs .
_ , would become . . .
cuddly .
the disconcerting trend begun in this summer 's cutesy , largely laugh - free _
doctor_dolittle _ continues with this earnest - to - a - fault dramedy .
although he is top - billed , here murphy is merely support for jeff goldblum , who plays ricky hayman , the programming director at a home shopping network .
sales are way down , and ricky 's job hangs by a thread until he meets g ( murphy ) , a mysterious spiritual guru whom a desperate ricky puts on the air .
while sales skyrocket and g becomes an overnight sensation , the reinvigorated ricky 's greed grows , endangering his budding romance with a goodhearted media research consultant ( kelly preston ) .
writer tom schulman has some promising ideas , satirizing home shopping and infomercials and the nature of instant celebrity .
but these ideas would have more bite if stephen herek had invested any energy into the direction of the film .
the sluggishly paced
_
holy_man _ is not only slow and overlong
( 113 minutes ) , but an unfunny bore , and murphy can do little to juice up the proceedings ; cleansed of both the attitude
_ and _ comic sensibility that made him a star ( g is , for the most part , a straight man ) , he is a curiously lifeless presence .
goldblum is actually quite good , but it 's hard for the audience to sustain much interest in his character and spiritual journey when the director does n't seem to be much interested , either .
Output: N
" pokemon 3 : the movie " has a lot of bad things in it .
first of all it 's a plot heavy mess that has bad voice talents , badly written script and fantastic animation .
the first film came out the end of 1999 and was a huge hit grossing almost $ 90 million domestically .
a sequel soon followed and even made $ 45 million .
warner has released their third movie based on the immensely popular video game and tv series and its a waste of time and celluloid .
this time ash ketchum and his friends are on their way to the johto battles ( which my little brother told me the new spinoff is " pokemon : the johto journeys " so go figure )
anyway he comes in contact with a young girl who 's father has disappeared after trying to discover the unown .
they are small pokemon with a powerful punch and have great psychic abilities .
the unown bring together their psychic abilities and create entei a powerful legendary pokemon who barriers young molly 's house and creates every wish she wants .
now it 's up to ash and his friends to stop this pokemon entei and show him to be a good pokemon rather than a bad one . too bad really that this is a bad movie , surprisingly the first movie was entertaining and somewhat absorbing , the second was a piece of trash and this one is almost in between .
it has some good qualities ( animation , message in the end ) but the flaws seem to overpower the goods
.
i 'm still not sure what the big thing is about pokemon , they are ugly little animals who speak their own name for their language ( besides meowth , my personal favorite ) and you do n't understand what they are saying .
my little brother just thought the movie was amazing , and i kept leaning over and asking him happened , or what pokemon that was .
his response was a big lecture of how this is that , and that is this . . .
he sure did put me in my place .
with the second and third movie being bad , i have a feeling pokemon 4 : the movie might be a total bust as well .
" pokemon 3 : the movie " has some redeeming qualities for the kids , and the pokemon fans will dig every minute of this film .
for those parents and/or brothers and sisters who have to sit through this . . . bring a pillow .
Output: N
in the first death wish movie , mild - mannered new york architect paul kersey , played by charles bronson , was avenging the death of his wife .
in the second , he was avenging his daughter .
in the third , he instigated small war in order to avenge the old friend .
fourth movie , on the other hand , begins with kersey doubting the point of his violent crusades and living the quiet life with his girlfriend karen , played by kay lenz .
however , since this is death wish movie , we know that sooner or later something bad is going to happen to the people kersey cares for .
this time karen 's teenage daughter dies of a crack overdose and kersey is forced to return to his old vigilante ways .
kersey 's new targets , unlike the previous movies , are n't the ordinary street punks but rich , heavily armed and well - connected drug dealers .
even such unstoppable killing machine like kersey needs some support , and it comes from the publisher nathan white ( john p . ryan ) , determined to avenge the drug - related death of his own daughter .
white 's plan is to make kersey kill major players in two rival drug dealing organisations and thus instigate the war between them .
the plan begins to take shape , but kersey 's actions bring attention of two police detectives - reiner ( george dickerson )
and nozaki ( soon teck - oh ) .
fourth ( and , unfortunately , not the final ) installment in the death wish series , will probably remembered as the typical movie of cannon group , production company responsible for some of the worst cinematic trash of the last decade .
however , although some critics might argue , death wish 4 :
the crackdown represents slight improvement over the death wish 3 .
paul kersey , one of the most intriguing ( and potentially controversial ) characters of the 1970s , is still being dumbed down by mediocre script , and charles bronson really does n't feel the need to put much effort in his acting .
however , the hand of a veteran director
j .
lee thompson seems more capable of michael winner 's and the action scenes seem slightly less surreal , although
they still look cheap and repetitive and downright boring
.
there are some attempts for the movie to have a plot between the numerous scenes of violence , and one of such attempts is a potentially interesting plot twist at the end .
the script even tries to fake some social conscience ( through criminally underused kay lenz 's character ) and predates the war on drugs campaign that would inspire many hollywood products in next few years .
there are even some half - hearted attempts of humour - both intentional and unintentional , like in a scene where kersey assassinates mob figures by a wine bottle - but the quality of this movie is still far away from bronson 's 1970s classics .
( special note to x - philes : mith pilleggi , the actor who plays ad skinner in the x- files , could be seen in a small role of cannery lab foreman ) .
Output: N
attention moviegoers : you are about to enter a meaning - free zone .
should the sound system malfunction during your viewing of 200 cigarettes , do not panic .
the film will work just as well as a silent movie . chronicling the meaningless lives of vain , yuppie types , the movie covers the same ground as the wilt stillman films ( last days of disco , barcelona and metropolitan ) but without any of his acerbic wit and the inviting style of his writing .
first - time writer shana larsen makes the mistake of creating a couple of dozen characters and not giving any of them any depth .
there is n't one of these characters worth caring about .
the movie features such a cornucopia of hot young stars that it looks like a celluloid version of " people magazine .
" among others , the movie features : ben affleck , casey affleck , david chappelle , janeane garofalo , gaby hoffmann , catherine kellner , courtney love , jay mohr , martha plimpton , christina ricci and paul rudd .
and unlike people magazine , the people speak , not that they have anything interesting to say .
it 's new year 's eve in 1981 , and monica ( martha plimpton ) is preparing her big party .
structured as a series of relatively unrelated stories about her guests on the way to the party , director risa bramon garcia flits back and forth among her stars .
monica 's apartment is in " noho , " an area that one of the guests describes as " so cool , all of the poor people live there .
"
typical of the shallow couples in the movie are kevin ( paul rudd ) and his friend and
would - be sexual partner lucy ( courtney love ) .
they argue about whether lucy is a slut or not since she sleeps with everyone , except him , of course .
she dares him to go immediately to a bathroom stall and have sex with her , which turns out to be neither erotic , funny or successful -- rather like the rest of the story .
the movie gets its title from the carton of cigarettes that lucy gives kevin for his new year 's eve birthday .
"
cigarettes are a shield against emotional interaction with other people , " kevin later tells lucy in a snippet of dialog that sounds profound only outside the context of the movie .
another character , played by jay mohr , has a problem with his sexual triumphs .
every woman he beds falls deeply in love with him by the next morning .
when his latest conquest tells him of her affection for him , his response is " i like a lot of people .
"
as the movie finally draws to a close , the characters awaken from their post - party game of musical beds .
some have passed out early from alcohol abuse and remember little , while others actually have some clue as to what happened .
the movie itself is so forgettable that by the time you reach your car in the parking lot , all trace of the film will have vanished from your mind , which is probably the best thing that can be said about the movie .
200 cigarettes runs 1 : 40 .
it is rated r for profanity , sex and one dope smoking scene and would be acceptable for older teenagers .
Output: N