from a major league baseball radio broadcast , featuring play - by- play man harry canary and color man whitey hashbrown , with special guest commentator james berardinelli .
hc : as we go to the top of the 8th , we 're joined in the booth by film critic james berardinelli , who 's here fresh from seeing the new baseball movie , major league : back to the minors , the third in the popular saga taking a lighter look at the majors .
nice to see you ,
jim . as a big baseball fan and a movie reviewer
, can you give us the scoop on the new flick ?
jb :
my opinion : the producers should have stopped while they were ahead , and that was nine years ago .
one entry was definitely enough , and i 'm surprised there was a third after the anemic showing and low quality of major league 2 . this latest installment has all the earmarks of something that should have been released direct - to - video .
it 's worse than a mediocre made - for - tv feature .
i should also mention that this movie likely wo n't play all that well in cleveland .
now that the real indians are perennial contenders , they have been replaced by the minnesota twins as the cinematic sadsacks .
actually , most of the action involves the twins ' aaa minor league club , the buzz , rather than the actual major league franchise .
hc : sorry to interrupt , jim , but we still have to do play - by - play for the game on the field .
leading off this inning is john warren .
he steps into the batter 's box and takes kent 's pitch low for ball one .
wh :
so , the story 's strictly minor league , right ?
what 's it about ?
jb :
scott bakula , the guy from quantum leap , plays career minor league pitcher gus cantrell .
when twins owner roger dorn , once again portrayed by corbin bernsen , needs a new manager for his aaa team , he offers the job to gus , who is now faced with two daunting tasks : turn the team around and groom hot prospect
downtown anderson ( played by walt goggins ) for a promotion to " the show .
" with the help of former major leaguers pedro cerrano ( dennis haysbert ) , rube baker ( eric bruskotter ) , and isuro tanaka ( takaaki ishibashi ) , gus gets the buzz on the right track .
in fact , he is so successful that he earns the enmity of the jealous manager of the big - league club , leonard huff ( played with over - the - top relish by ted mcginley ) .
soon , dorn has arranged an exhibition game that pits gus ' overachieving group against huff 's overpaid , last - place bunch .
wh : can we guess who wins ?
jb : the results have all the suspense of watching the videotape of a game when you 've already seen the box score .
on top of that , none of the mock - ups are presented with much flair .
they 're not just boring ; they 're lackluster .
but the major league movies have never been about drama or tension
; they 've been about using baseball situations to generate laughs .
hc : warren fouls off a fastball .
1 and 1 .
wh : are there lots of yuks in this one ?
jb : not one , from start to finish .
i enjoyed the first major league because it was reasonably fresh and funny .
okay , a lot of the jokes were sophomoric , but they made me laugh .
the two sequels have n't just been stale , but their humor quotient has been abysmally low .
even bob uecker 's once - sharp one - liners have turned lame , and they 're the closest the film comes to being even vaguely amusing .
hc : here 's the 1 - 1 pitch .
looooooong drive ? fair or foul ?
foul ball !
the count goes to 1 and 2 .
wh : does the film at least get the baseball details correct ?
jb :
yes .
there are n't any glaring errors
like there were in one of the best - ever baseball movies , the natural .
but i 'd gladly trade a technically accurate film for one with a good story , believable characters , or even a little genuine humor .
heck , the naked gun is a better baseball comedy than major league : back to the minors .
wh : it 's nice to see old friends one more time , is n't it ?
like cerrano , tanaka , and dorn .
jb : depends on whether you really care that anyone is back .
there are n't any real characters here ?
just an assortment of cliched oddballs .
yeah ,
the voodoo hitter , the catcher who ca n't throw back to the pitcher , the japanese player , and the conceited player - turned - owner have all returned , but who really cares ?
they have no depth .
notable absences include tom berenger 's veteran and charlie sheen 's " wild thing .
"
we do n't really miss them , though .
hc : breaking ball , low and outside .
2 and 2 .
wh
: so you 're saying that we should give this one a miss ?
jb
: that 's right .
to use baseball terminology , it 's a three - pitch strikeout .
if you 're looking for a good movie that involves baseball , try popping the natural , field of dreams , bull durham , or even the first major league into the vcr .
actually , this is an oddly - timed release , since baseball fans are likely to be spending more time in parks than in theaters .
even the minor league seasons are already underway .
do n't bother with major league : back to the minors .
it 's a wretched time- waster .
wh :
thanks for the advice .
jb
: you 're welcome .
hc : and here 's the 2 - 2 pitch .
fouled back , right into this booth .
hey , jim , heads up !
oops .
somebody better get him some ice for that .
he may be good at deflecting bad baseball movies , but he needs to learn not to duck into foul balls .
odd how warren seemed to aim that ball right at him , almost as if he has a grudge to settle .
anyway , back to the action on the field ?
Output: N