well , here 's a distasteful , thoroughly amateurish item
that , surprisingly , was actually a box - office hit at the time of its release .
after just viewing the film for the first time , my primary question is how did anyone with an iq north of 35 enjoy this movie ?
it is cheap , idiotic , unfunny , and not nearly as raunchy as i had heard it was .
at least some smut would have livened things up a bit .
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porky 's , " tells the story ( if you can call it that ) of four clueless high school buddies , pee wee ( dan monahan ) , billy ( mark herrier ) , tommy ( wyatt knight ) , and mickey ( roger wilson ) , whom desperately want to get laid .
women , for the most part , are a mystery to them ( and in this movie , they are to the audience , as well , since all of them are written and acted as if they are aliens from a different planet ) .
their plan is sidetracked , however , when they venture out to a smarmy strip bar named porky 's , which they are able to get into using fake i d 's . after they pay the manager one - hundred bucks for three hookers , they are played a trick on and find themselves being dumped into the swamp below the building .
for these four teenage guys , this means war on porky 's .
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porky 's , " ultimately manages to fail on almost every possible level .
as a teenage sex - romp , it is not wild or amusing enough . as a comedy ,
all of the jokes are predictable and fall flat .
as a look back at the 1950 's , it is something , i suspect ,
most people from that era would want to bury deep in a grave .
and as a revenge movie , it is a crushing bore .
one of the most offensive things about , " porky 's , " is how jaw - droppingly inaccurate the film is about teenagers .
the four main characters are not even attempted to be developed as characters , and we learn very little about them , except that they are horny and would probably feel more comfortable in a preschool .
that sure is revealing information .
the female characters fare even worse under the inaudacious screenplay and direction by bob clark .
the women are all treated as objects or comedy props , rather than real people .
for example , the two gym teachers , mrs .
balbricker ( nancy parsons ) and honeywell ( kim cattrall ) , only have one purpose , and that is to be made fun of .
mrs .
balbricker is a gruff , no - holds - barred , overwight woman who will not stand for any foolishness , and , in one particularly embarrassing scene for all involved , honeywell has sex with a coach and barks like a dog .
there is no way to tell if parsons or cattrall are servicable actresses ( even though i have the suspicion they are not ) , but one thing is for sure : they are asked to do things in this film that are not at all funny , only humiliating . to prove how out - of - touch this so - called comedy is , compare it to other more serious 80 's films about teenagers , and it looks even worse in comaprison .
any of the john hughes pictures , such as 1984 's " sixteen candles , " or , 1985 's " the breakfast club , " put , " porky 's , " at an even greater shame .
those films actually dealt with serious teen matters , but remained a great deal funnier , thanks to their bright and truthful writing .
and heck , if , " porky 's , " wanted to be a teenage sex movie
, i 'd take 1982 's " fast times at ridgemont high , " or 1982 's " the last american virgin , " over this any day of the week .
director bob clark is not a bad director .
two years after he made , " porky 's , " he directed the nostalgic holiday classic , " a christmas story .
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i would forgive him for this misfire , in fact , if it was n't for the fact that he also wrote the screenplay .
just the thought that someone would actually sit down to write such a piece of garbage , and think that it was actually a film worth releasing unto the unsuspecting world , is actually a whole lot funnier than anything in , " porky 's .
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Output: N