what are the warning signs of a * terrible * movie ?
making it 's debut at the dollar theater ?
locally , chairman of the board did just that .
having the annoying prop comic scott thompson ( better known as carrot top ) in the lead role ?
chairman of the board , once again .
how about an overly exhausted , paper thin plot approached with utter incompetence ?
did somebody say chairman of the board ?
that 's right ,
carrot top 's long dreaded major motion picture debut ( at least for a starring role ) is poking up in a handful of theaters across the country .
chairman of the board stars the obnoxious , wannabe - zany king of redheaded standup comics as a lazy but creative , inventive but uneventful generation x- er named edison .
living with a pair of surfer dudes in a small , rented house , edison bounces from job to job , always squandering away the money on his eccentric ( to say the least ) inventions and ignoring crucial responsibilities such as rent .
this has the crabby landlady , ms .
krubavitch ( estelle harris , best known as george constanza 's mother on " seinfeld " ) , threatening an eviction if past due expenses are n't furnished post haste .
as luck would have it , edison soon meets armand mcmillan ( jack warden ) ,
an old surfer dude who just so happens to be president of the multi - million dollar mcmillan industries .
sharing a passion for more than just riding waves , armand is deeply impacted by the young inventor 's notebook of dreams and ideas , and when the old man dies soon afterward , edison learns he is named a benefactor in armand 's will .
predictably , edison acquires the entire corporation and has to maintain productivity with absolutely no knowledge of the business world .
predictably , there is a bitter nephew ( larry miller ) whose lesser inheritance fuels resentment that will lead to an elaborate sabotage plot .
predictably , there is an attractive employee ( courtney thorne - smith ) whose initial repulsion will transform into love for our doofy protagonist .
predictably , the man who knows nothing will fight against the odds and give the company it 's most profitable and successful turnaround ever , all because he ran things by common sense and not greed .
it 's as though writers turi meyer , al septien , and alex zamm ( meyer and septien also wrote leprechaun 2 together ! ) pulled a plot out of a hat and worked carrot top into it .
the jokes , the " surprises " , the developments - all of them run such a predictable path , it may only be carrot top 's signature brazen red hairdo that sets this one apart from the myriad of similar films .
a movie this bad speaks for itself .
what 's left to say when every element the movie possesses is a shameful retread of movies past ?
the script is 100 % recycled , the direction is hokey , and the acting is absolutely horrible .
it is only thorne - smith who seems to take her job seriously , an accomplishment which surely deserves the medal of honor .
she certainly went beyond the call of duty - she has to kiss carrot top ! ! ! ! ! !
( barf bag , please ! )
movies like this give the audience nothing to do but ponder just how many synonyms for " bad " there really are . chairman of the board , without a doubt , deserves each and every one .
the only way this wo n't end up on everybody 's " bottom ten of the year " list , is if they were lucky enough never to have seen it .
just because you ca n't miss his outlandish fiery mane , do n't skimp on avoiding this abhorrent feature .
Output: N