in the year 2029 , captain leo davidson ( mark wahlberg , " boogie nights " ) is training ' his ' chimp pericles to pilot a pod from the usaf oberon space station .
when an electromagnetic storm is encountered and pericles ' pod is lost , davidson sets out unauthorized and lands thousands of years in the future on the " planet of the apes .
" maybe if 20th century fox had set the proverbial 100 chimps in front of typewriters they would have gotten a better results than this adaptation of the pierre boulle novel by
william broyles jr .
( " cast away " ) , and lawrence konner & mark
d. rosenthal ( " mighty joe young " ) .
director tim burton 's unique look and style are nowhere to be found in this silly , pointless remake .
davidson no sooner lands than he finds himself being swarmed by savages running in terror , whom he wisely joins .
however , he 's rounded up with the lot of them by the apes which rule this plant and handed over to slave trader limbo ( paul giamatti , " duets " ) .
ari ( helena bonham carter , " fight club " ) , daughter of the illustrious senator sandar ( david warner , " titanic " ) and simian bleeding heart , believes humans should live with apes on equal standing , an unpopular notion .
she takes a liking to leo , who she deems ' unusual .
' general thade ( tim roth , " lucky numbers " ) is of the opposite opinion , wishing for declaration of martial law that will allow him to annihilate the race .
he 's sweet on ari .
it 's relatively easy to see where this ' new ' story is going from the onset , yet its ultimate revelation has gaping logic holes .
the much ballyhooed ' surprise ' ending is a nonsensical let down .
an attempt at a love triangle , conveyed by ari and the human daena ( estella warren , " driven " ) giving each other ' back off ' looks over leo , fails because he never develops a relationship with either of them .
the lone sex scene is some hilarious foreplay between elder orangutan senator nado ( glenn shadix ) and his trophy wife nova ( burton 's squeeze , lisa marie ) .
guffaws will also likely greet charlton heston 's cameo as thade 's father , the one ape harboring a firearm ( ! ) who sputters some very familiar lines before dying .
the only real success of the 2001 " planet of the apes " is rick baker 's makeup , and even that 's an iffy affair .
no attempt was made to change the human whiteness of the actors ' eyes , a real distraction amidst some otherwise impressive work .
roth , warner and michael clarke duncan ( as thade 's right hand man attar ) are given the most impressive makeovers .
giamatti looks more like a skull than an ape and the female apes are too humanized to be given sexual appeal .
tim roth delivers the most impressive acting job by getting
the body language right - his nasty chimpanzee character leaps about , most spectacularly when mounting his steed , but
even 's he 's undone by some obvious wire work .
bonham carter delivers a goodly range of emotion from behind a stiff prosthetic , but is undone in turn by the silliness of the writing .
most of the film has a set bound look which no amount of mist can cover .
the ape 's city resembles a dank complex of tree houses .
the apes ' military costumes ( colleen atwood , " sleepy hollow " ) as well as their field tents are reminiscent of eiko ishioka 's work on coppola 's " dracula .
"
that oriental flavor is also found in danny elfman 's tribal , percussive score .
" planet of the apes " was the last blockbuster hope for the summer of 2001
, a dismal movie season that 's going to the dogs .
Output: N