niryuu/sni-each-converted huggingface dataset:
remember tom cruise and brian brown as rival bartenders juggling bottles of booze in " cocktail " ?
remember how stupid that looked ? and remember the scantily - clad dancers of " flashdance " getting doused with buckets of water ?
well , " coyote ugly " does those films
five better ( or six better if you count john goodman ) , since here we have piper perado , maria bello , tyra banks , melanie lynskey , and izabella miko doing the absolut spinning and jiggling thing while pouring pitchers of perrier all over their semi - naked torsos .
no , goodman does n't flip jim beams or wear anything particularly risqu ?
in the film
but he * does * get up on the bar and start gyrating with the rest of them .
and the central character 's love interest , played by an australian actor named adam garcia , proves
*
he * can get up on that bar and start shimmying along with the rest of them too .
what seems to have started life as a victoria 's secret photo shoot quickly deteriorates into one heck of an embarrassing movie .
violet ( perado ) is a south amboy hopeful who tries to make it big as a songwriter ( not a welder ) in new jack city .
as na ?
ve as they come , she 's fobbed off by music producer 's receptionists by the scorn - ful and has her apartment robbed hours after touching down in chinatown .
and , like her mother before her , she gets stage fright whenever she tries to do the open mike night thing .
when she sees a trio of babe - a - licious barkeeps thumbing through a stack of $ 20s in an all - night diner , violet simply has to check out this bar they call coyote ugly .
lil ( bello ) , the no - nonsense owner , agrees to give violet an audition but violet blows it .
still , lil gives violet another chance .
a riot breaks out ( riots are the order of the day at ' ugly 's , since the staff are relentless in flaunting their sexual wares , flambeeing the bar , and soaking the patrons with diet sprite -- this is certifiable behavior in case
i did n't mention it ) but violet successfully subdues the crowd by singing along to blondie 's " one way or another " on the jukebox .
she 's hired ! and cured , since this little episode gives her the confidence to sing in an amateur talent contest where her dad ( goodman ) , the junk food - eating , laundry - impaired toll collector , comes to see her and is as proud as punch .
the end .
Output: N
confucius once said , " governing a nation is like cooking a small fish -- do n't overdo it .
"
his maxim might be easily applied to writing a comedy script , for quantity over quality is one of the worst mistakes an amateur scribe can make .
granted , mike judge , writer - director of the workplace satire office space is n't exactly an amateur ( his most infamous work , the mtv series " beavis and butt - head " was pure gold for its network ) .
but unfailingly , judge manages to make some rather inexcusable mistakes in office space by spreading an iffy plot over too much ground .
the iffiness in judge 's plot -- a group of coworkers plan the downfall of their despicable boss -- is not in its appeal .
in fact , based on the popularity of scott adams ' cartoon " dilbert , " which will soon have its own television series , a satirical view of the american workplace is a hot item in hollywood .
unfortunately the concept lends itself to skit - length sequences which would be more at home on the set of " saturday night live " rather than a full - length feature .
the most convincing evidence of this are the trailers for office space , which feature almost all of the movie 's top content ; this leaves the actual picture appearing very deflated . other evidence of office space 's failure to work are its lack of good jokes .
the comedy is marginally funny at best , but not enough to get a packed house of theater - goers to laugh out loud .
the material in the movie is on - key for an older demographic than judge is used to targeting , and this could partially explain his work here .
however , the movie is loaded with too many misfires -- including the token plot -- to allow for any excuse .
the plot centers around three or four cubicled engineers , headed up by peter gibbons ( ron livingston ) , at a company named initech .
after the movie elaborately establishes the miserable working conditions at initech , the movie introduces us to two consultants ( john c . mcginley and paul willson ) which are in charge of " downsizing " the company 's payroll .
when peter and his gang learns of this , as well as the reason behind it -- so their smooth talking boss bill lumbergh ( gary cole ) 's stock will go up -- they set about creating a plan to see his downfall .
the circumstances that follow were obviously intended to be hilarious but they come out as anything
but .
a sympathetic cast and a muddled jennifer aniston - as - love - interest subplot are all that keep this one together , but it 's definitely missable in lieu of something more intelligent .
Output: N
" spawn " may be somewhat of an older film .
in fact it will probably be on video before anyone who has n't seen it will finally get to see it ( that is , if they see it ) .
but i managed to catch it before it made it 's way out of theaters and into the world of rentals
and , god forbid , video cassette purchasing .
it was n't the worst film of year by any means .
it is n't even on the top 5 of the worst films of the year .
but it did manage to top the bottom five of the bottom ten , which , in simpler terms , means it comes in at number 6 on my " worst of 1997 " list .
the only reason it does n't come in lower is thanks to the special effects , which might actually have been some of the best of the year .
performances , however , were either wooden or , for the most part , unforgivingly campy .
in fact , this film shows no signs of attempting to avoid campiness !
even the editing seemed to boast a campy quality .
i do n't know how to explain that one ; it was n't exactly choppy , but something about it seemed . . .
well , annoyingly unprofessional .
john leguizamo almost makes it as clown , but not quite .
he is the only character who provides the audience with any laughs that can honestly be called intentional .
but the main problem i found with " spawn " , as with most films that wind up on my " worst of " lists , is that it was just plain boring
.
i would n't even say there was a climax to the film .
sure , it had the big battle scene at the end , but the only excitement felt
was that the movie might be nearing a conclusion .
never too soon , the movie did conclude in a very simple , disappointing way .
even though it 's one of the shorter movies i 've seen this year , it 's one that i would definitely not want to subject myself to sitting thru again .
like i said , the special effects are the only reason that this film should have any sense of pride , no matter how small .
i was impressed with the opening sequence , so long as i did n't allow the melodramatic voice - over and lobotomizing editing
to get to me .
and batman has nothing on the spectacular visuals spawn 's outfit created .
but even the effects got tiresome during the final scenes , which looked quite a bit like a modern video game .
who knows if " spawn : the video game " was n't part of the plan from the beginning ?
keeping in mind that the film was based on a comic book makes it somewhat more approachable , and in a very small amount , makes up for the cheeziness of it all .
but none of this movie 's saving graces can it make it something
i 'd recommend seeing , no matter what the price of admission .
this movie is definitely not for young children , which should n't really be a problem seeing as how only teenagers , if anyone , would likely find it appealing .
if you really want to catch a movie , there are many better ones out there ,
no matter what your tastes might be !
trust me !
" spawn
" has very little to offer even the most avid moviegoers !
Output: N
" ladybugs " is a typical comedy that relies on three supposed guarantees : the pathetic team who beats the champs ; cross dressing ; and the presence of rodney dangerfield .
this picture does n't play like a comedy for children , so who is it aimed at ?
and why is it told like a 91-minute sit - com instead of a feature film ?
rodney dangerfield stars as chester lee , a total schmuck working at a huge corporation .
he obviously does n't have a lot of self esteem and thinks he has to kiss up to get ahead , which he does by volunteering to coach the company 's girls ' soccer team .
what a shock to learn chester and his assistant julie ( jackee ) know absolutely nothing about the game , and the players seem to know even less .
i did n't laugh , but for some reason it did n't annoy me that much .
chester 's fiancee bess ( graff ) thinks he got a promotion in addition to the coaching position , and of course she has a slacker for a son who is doing poorly in school and is kicked off the sports teams .
jonathon brandis is a nice surprise as matthew , who agrees to dress up as a girl named martha to help out chester ( probably because the girl he has a crush on plays on the team - what original story ideas ! ) .
what we get is just another retread of the " underdog sports team " mixed with some cross dressing .
unfortunately , the film is n't smart enough to play upon the drag aspect .
in fact , it downplays it so heavily it 's totally unbelievable .
could it be any more obvious martha
is a boy ?
he only wears a girl 's wig , without any makeup , and they do n't even give him falsies .
brandis does n't bother to mimic a girl 's voice either .
then there is a pointless scene where chester and matthew shop for a dress , but for what reason ?
martha is only seen on the soccer field , why would they buy a dress for her ?
just when we think the martha character is going to be useful , she disappears , and the story wanders aimlessly looking for a new plot to pick up on .
when bess discovers what 's really going on she breaks up with chester , and the relationship is forgotten about and the film focuses on the soccer team and the tension between chester and his boss .
this film could 've been less bad
had it been the cliche sports comedy , but it feels the need to go off on tangents that are completely unnecessary ( and bad at that )
.
there 's just too much of a sit - com feel here , especially during the so - called serious moments , and all the confusion between the characters .
i 've seen worse movies than " ladybugs , " but for some reason it contained some sort of bizarre charm , so even when it turns sour it does n't seem as bad as it is .
dangerfield finally gets his respect in the end , but at what a price .
Output: N
the happy bastard 's quick movie review the concept of enjoying a stupid comedy is best realized as keeping it stupid , really .
shift gears even once and the audience can be thrown miserably out of control .
sadly , that is the case with kingpin , a film directed by the farrelly brothers , the duo that brought us there 's something about mary and dumb and dumber .
since the duo directed and did n't write the script , i can assume that 's part of the problem .
the story seems good enough : a pro bowler in the 1970 's by the name of roy munson ( woody harrelson ) is sitting on top of the world .
his popularity has gone through the roof and he 's getting his career off the ground .
then , however , he runs into ed mccracken ( bill murray ) , a rival bowler with hardly any real consideration for , well , anything .
these two form an ill - timed relationship that involves risky betting , and , before roy sees it coming , ed 's abandoned him
and he 's about to lose his hand in a bowling ball machine .
forward seventeen years later , where roy has become quite the loser , complete with mechanical hand , torn - up car , and , of course , the occasional knocking up of the ugly - ass landlord to avoid paying rent for a while .
however , he finds a glimmer of a hope upon a visit to a local bowling alley , where he runs into an amish kid named ishmael ( randy quaid ) , who has quite the bowling arm .
with the kid 's help , he figures he can be known again , particularly at the biggest bowling tournament rapidly approaching in reno , nevada .
of course , the amish kid needs some coaxing , particularly when you consider , well , he 's amish .
this leads to some of the best comic scenes in the film , such as roy 's process of removing horseshoes or milking the cow .
finally , the duo get on the road and , along the way , pick up an additional helper- a beautiful hustler ( played by the gorgeous vanessa angel ) .
the main problem i had
with kingpin was n't the fact it was n't funny .
in fact , it does have some rather hilarious scenes in it , such as the aformentioned above and roy 's explanation of not having children ( something involving a cheese grater ? ) .
but that 's just it- scenes .
there 's a couple of really serious scenes that throw off the entire momentum of the movie , like the abuse angel takes from her hustler ex - boyfriend .
i mean , was this really necessary ?
could n't have this been handled just a bit wackier ?
i mean , this is a comedy , why throw ethics in ?
particularly in a farrelly brothers vehicle , where hair gel can be easily mistaken ?
that really ruined it , however , and that 's too bad .
the acting is top notch , especially from angel and murray , and the really funny scenes are worth noting .
still , if you 're going to think dumb , think dumb all the way through , ok ? at least the farrelly brothers got back on track with mary or i 'd still be a little bit irked .
Output: N
" shagadellic ! " , " groovy , baby ! "
" smashing !
" adorn the 1/4 page ad for this movie tabbed as " the # 1 comedy in america " as of may 8th .
did we attend the same movie ? !
at 87 minutes
it seemed overlong , like a snl skit on steroids , and at any length
it seemed unfunny .
yes , the sets and costumes were an interesting exaggeration of 60s pop frills , and yes , the concept , dealing with a 60s secret agent / pop icon ( played by myers ) awakened from his cryogenic slumber to battle his arch enemy ( dr .
evil , also played by myers ) in the present day , had a great deal of potential .
fun costumes and scenery and potential
do not a movie make
so lets throw in a hefty dose of bathroom humor .
do n't get me wrong , i like a good " bubbles in the bathtub joke " as much as the next person , but to have this type of humor be the funniest thing about your movie
is a waste of yuor talent and my money .
but , the way things work these days in the movie business , all a film has to do is
call itself the funniest and people will believe it .
i do give this film stars because of the sets , costumes , and sadly , unmet potential .
Output: N
a couple of criminals ( mario van peebles and loretta devine ) move into a rich family 's house in hopes of conning them out of their jewels .
however , someone else steals the jewels before they are able to get to them .
writer mario van peebles delivers a clever script with several unexpected plot twists , but director mario van peebles undermines his own high points with haphazard camera work , editing and pacing .
it felt as though the film should have been wrapping up at the hour mark , but alas
there was still 35 more minutes to go .
daniel baldwin
( i ca n't believe i 'm about to type this ) gives the best performance in the film , outshining the other talented members of the cast .
[ r ]
Output: N
you know the plot : a dimwit with a shady past is seduced into committing a crime only to be double - crossed by a fatal femme .
in " palmetto , " the dimwit is harry barber ( woody harrelson ) , a reporter who 's just been released from prison ( he was framed by the gangsters and corrupt officials he was investigating ) .
enter la femme : rhea malroux ( elisabeth shue ) , the sexy young wife of the richest man in palmetto , florida ( rolf hoppe ) .
she and her stepdaughter odette ( chlo ? sevigny ) have a plot to extort 500k from the old man : harry will " kidnap " odette .
after groping both women , harry agrees .
as everyone except harry can see , he 's being set up as a fall guy .
sure enough , before long , harry has a dead body in his trunk and the cops on his tail .
his brother - in - law ( tom wright ) , an assistant da , has hired harry to be the press liaison for the case , so harry gets a front row seat for his own manhunt ( and we get to watch him sweat - literally ) .
there are several plot twists , of course - a couple of them even took me by surprise .
apparently every woman in palmetto is a raving horndog , and they 're on harry like he 's the only bone in the kennel .
shue vamps so broadly that i expected tex avery 's wolf to show up .
her incredible performance in " leaving las vegas " seems to have been a fluke .
here , she could easily be mistaken for melanie griffith .
shue 's character is supposed to be a savvy schemer
but she comes off as a brainless bimbo
.
in addition to shue and sevigny , the kennel includes gina gershon ( who filled the dimwit - with - a - shady - past role in " bound " ) as harry 's girlfriend nina ; when harry gets out of jail , she licks his face ( now there 's a horndog ) .
the parts are so overplayed that with a little push " palmetto " could have been an over - the - top parody of film noir
a la " romeo is bleeding .
"
as it is , it 's best watched at 2 am on showtime ( the love scenes seem to have been written for one of that channel 's soft porn programs anyway ) .
" palmetto " has a well - known director , volker schl ?
ndorff , who 's best known for his adaptations of major literary works , especially " the tin drum .
"
i suppose he must have been drawn to this plot - by - numbers script by the same admiration for classic film noir that led scorsese to remake " cape fear .
"
schl ?
ndorff tries hard - he makes an interesting motif out of the ubiquitous palmetto bugs - but
nothing can freshen up this stale script .
Output: N
the comet - disaster flick is a disaster alright
.
directed by tony scott ( top gun ) , it tells the story about an asteroid the size of texas caught on a collision course with earth .
and you thought that dinky little comet in deep impact was trouble .
jeez .
after a great opening , in which an american spaceship , plus the city of new york , are completely destroyed by a comet shower , nasa detects the said asteroid and go into a frenzy .
they hire the world 's best oil driller ( bruce willis ) , and send him and his crew up into space to fix our globel problem .
that 's like sending a mouse into a cat carrier , is n't it ?
the action in armageddon are so over the top , nonstop , and too ludicrous for words , i had to sigh and hit my head with my notebook a couple of times
.
i was not alone .
plus , to see a wonderful actor like billy bob thornton is a film like armageddon is a waste of the actor 's talents .
the film is just a reel to show off a bunch of snazzy fx shots .
the only real reason for making this film was to somehow out - perform deep impact .
producer jerry bruckheimer fails with armageddon .
Output: N
at first i was intrigued by the strange cast and odd creatures on the galaxy quest trailer , but that was before i saw the film .
now my view has completely changed .
it 's time to embrace for impact , because this is a very bumpy ride .
the story begins with the cast of galaxy quest including : jason nesmith ( tim allen ) , alexander dane ( alan rickman ) , gwen demarco ( sigourney weaver ) signing autographs at a convention .
they meet fans who dress up in costumes , fans who worship the ground they walk on , and a group of aliens called thermians who believe that they are the ultimate saviors against the dreaded alien colony lead by sarris ( robin sachs ) .
of course they are unaware of this until they actually begin performing their duties , and meet the ugly aliens themselves .
thus begins the long adventure to help save the thermians .
the movie plays like a really bad star trek episode , in fact it 's worse .
i do n't even think trekkies will appreciate this weak spoof , because quite frankly it 's just not funny .
all the jokes are basically collected observations from the series .
one such continuous joke involves a simple crew member who believes he will die in space , because no extra on the tv show ever lives , as proven in the star trek series .
creative jokes like this may seem like a clever idea , but not when they are used to death .
a person can only take so much .
we do not need to be tortured , especially when you have to pay for it .
it 's pretty bad when even tim allen is pitiful .
it 's not like i expected an oscar worthy performance form him , but a few laughs would have been helpful .
speaking of acting , 2 fine talents were wasted as well .
sigourney weaver was here to show cleavage , well at least it worked .
it 's pretty bad when the only entertaining value of the film is cleavage .
it just shows you how disgraceful the film really is .
alan rickman however was not so lucky .
after his last hit ( dogma ) he embarrasses himself by doing this sloppy mess .
it 's just a shame to see talented actors and actresses throw their ability away .
when the film could n't get any worse , thankfully some nice special effects pop up .
like many big blockbusters ( armageddon , the haunting to name a few ) they rely heavily on effects to help boost the film 's box office results .
times it works , but unfortunately we have to shell out hard earned money and suffer through this junk .
when will it stop ?
i am getting tired of being suckered into seeing such trash .
it may look fine and dandy , but we need to at least have a story .
is that too much to ask ?
obviously it is .
when galaxy quest finally ends , it literally crash lands .
aside from the impressive looking creatures from industrial light and magic , it 's an embarrassment to the cast , and it 's embarrassing to the science fiction genre .
it 's not the least bit fun , nor was it entertaining .
the only place where this movie belongs is to infinity and beyond .
Output: N
the makers of spawn have created something almost as vacuous
as this summer 's other comic book adaptation , batman and robin .
both films make the mistake of adapting for the screen not only the look of their graphic counterparts , but also their monosyllabic dialogue and empty - headed character motivations .
in panel - sized morsels , implausible plots and " rambo
" -esque dialogue are often overshadowed by the artwork , but on thirty foot silver screens , it 's much more difficult to dismiss the shallowness behind the pretty pictures .
spawn is ostensibly about an assassin named simmons ( white ) who is framed by a corporate baddie ( played without irony by sheen ) , then set on fire and left for dead .
though the movie skimps on the next few plot points , here 's what i could determine : said assassin then becomes the leader of satan 's army , under the tutelage of a flatulating midget named clown ( leguizamo , grating as always ) .
he is renamed , for reasons unbeknownst , spawn , and granted a really cool costume that enables him to become something of a human chameleon .
but when spawn spies on a birthday party for his child , he realizes that he ca n't be the evil superdemon he 's expected to be , and he sets about avenging his untimely death .
typical of summer blockbusters , spawn is an effects - laden ninety minute rock video .
while the visions of hell are laughably crude
( think the virtual reality sequences of the lawnmower man ) , spawn 's prehensile outfit and the action sequences are truly something to behold .
but the storytelling is completely lacking in emotion
( spawn longs for his wife , but they do n't have a single scene together before simmons ' death ! ) , conflict ( who will triumph is not anybody 's guess ) , and believability ( not that i expected it ) .
so many questions are left unanswered , and i 'm sure they wo n't be addressed in the inevitable sequel .
while last year 's the crow : city of angels suffered similar problems with its narrative ( which was lazy and somewhat incoherent ) , it had atmosphere to spare and genuine moments of hypnotic power .
spawn is an in - your - face , screaming banshee of a film ; these guys know how to graft a comic book onto celluloid , but they have n't the faintest idea how to make a movie .
Output: N
here is a movie that sadly follows the hong kong - recipe of moviemaking and storytelling to the letter .
these kinds of movies are marked by an eye - opening sequence that introduces us to the main characters ; a life - and - death plot in which these characters become involved ; the inclusion of a host of inconsequential characters ; ridiculous subplots , and sunglass - wearing henchmen .
that is not to say that i do n't like hong kong influenced movies ; however , it is quite obvious that these moviemakers have n't a clue that the american filmgoer needs more than hip - hop - talking thugs and stupid sight gags . observe the opening sequence .
a band of hitmen are about to storm an apartment , led by melvin ( mark wahlberg ) and cisco ( lou diamond phillips ) .
they are waiting for their partner to cut off the power so that they can storm the apartment with the help of infrared goggles .
however , their partner is unsure of which cable to cut .
he is undecided .
this happens for about 10 seconds .
the audience finds some humor in his foolishness .
the lights suddenly go out .
cisco is surprised and says : " whoa . . .
let 's go !
"
and they storm the apartment in a very nicely executed sequence .
the big hit of the title refers to a kidnapping that happens a quarter of the way through the film .
needing cash , cisco devises a plan to kidnap the daughter ( china chow ) of wealthy japanese industrialist jiro nishi .
however , the daughter is also the god - daughter of paris ( avery brooks ) , who is cisco 's and melvin 's boss .
infuriated and insufferable , paris commands cisco to uncover the mastermind of the kidnapping .
during his ' investigation ' , cisco singles out melvin as the ringleader , and paris orders his capture and execution .
melvin must now find a way to stay alive .
by the way , do you know how the investigation takes place ?
cisco 's partner makes the ransom phone call believing that his call will not be traced because of a trace buster that prevents tracing .
but , mr .
nishi has a trace buster buster .
to counter that , cisco 's partner has a trace buster buster buster .
but nishi has a trace buster buster buster buster .
and so on .
. .
there is no doubt that this is an interesting world in which they live .
and there are lots of issues that we 'd like to know more about .
how does melvin justify his profession to his fiancee ?
what goes on among this clique ?
why is cisco at odds with melvin ?
there is actually a lot of potential material that could have been explored , but it seems that no effort is made to go in that direction , and instead we are given a not - so - engrossing plot filled with one - liners , silly sight gags , extraneous sub - plots and tomfoolery .
and , i have n't even mentioned his financee 's visiting parents who want them to separate , nor melvin 's mistress , nor the pimple - faced video clerk demanding the return of an overdue video and on and on and on .
if the big hit signals the future of hong kong style movies that are made for american audiences , then shoot me now .
Output: N
after the huge success of " the exorcist " in 1973 a sequel was inevitable , and sadly like most horror fims that make money , the filmmakers decided to make a ridiculous sequel , that makes absolutely no sense at all , and to me was extremely pointless , wasting linda blair and max von sydow completely .
needless , dumb sequel flopped in the box office , and never gained much success though it is voted as one of the worst sequels of all time , to which i agree with .
to start the " story " it is four years later , and regan is being tormented by memories of what used to be , now a priest played by richard burton , is trying to figure out why this demon tried to possess regan , and now the demon somehow wants to possess her again
( maybe she was good or something ) .
now they must try to stop this demon from taking over regan 's body , before it is too late .
some of the bad things exorcist
ii has in it is : linda blair
, she had no need to revive her character , and she is really terrible in this film , she brings it down to a lull , and in places it seems like it just stops in its place , and does n't go anywhere .
louise fletcher is alright for what it 's worth , but she could have done a lot better than this .
the direction by john boorman , is that of a confused , stylish nature that i really could n't figure out .
in fact , i had no idea what was going on in this film ,
the script was jumbled , the plot was jumbled , and the ending is just laugh out loud hilariosly bad . for those exorcist fans who have n't seen this one , i recommend renting it .
i actually gave this one a high rating , if it were any worse it would have deserved zero pumpkins , i went easy on it however because of the fact that it has a bit of good direction , but nothing else !
i
m not saying i like the film now , so do nt start going anywhere .
bad , bad , bad movie .
Output: N
the people who populate the movie 54 are shallow , self - absorbed and self - indulgent .
in other words , they perfectly mirror the era as well as the movie this feature depicts .
54 is the story of that well - publicized new york disco , studio 54 , the in - place in the ' 70s where anybody who was anybody went to be ogled , photographed and pampered .
the difficulty with 54 , which was written and directed by mark christopher , is that his script takes no point of view .
christopher
neither condemns nor glorifies the legendary excesses that were studio 54 's hallmark .
he keeps an uninvolved distance , thus keeping us from forming any emotional attachment with any of the protagonists .
the movie 's one main asset is the surprising performance by mike myers as steve rubell , the famous owner of the nightspot .
he is part rebel , part dreamer , part shrewd entrepreneur .
he 's smart enough and childlike enough to pander to the dreams and desires of his clientele , yet stupid enough to brag on tv about hiding profits from the irs .
myers , in his first straight character part , is in turn appealing and appalling .
at one moment he can try to pressure a male employee into a sexual situation , then at the next moment apologize for his bad behavior and offer the young man a handful of cash .
the story is told by shane o'shea ( ryan phillippe ) , a new jersey lad who dreams of crossing the river to the big apple .
shades of john travolta 's brooklyn - bound tony in saturday night fever .
eventually , shane does come to new york , attracts rubell 's eye and is admitted to the promised land .
his looks get him a job as a busboy , and he is later promoted to the prestigious position of bartender , where he mixes with and makes drinks for the rich and famous .
shane 's dream is to meet soap star julie black ( neve campbell ) , a fellow garden stater .
but both characters are
so sketchily drawn that even when they do hook up , it 's no big deal .
the chemistry between shane and julie is nonexistent .
54 is a very cold , uninvolving movie .
it 's all strobe lights and glitz , all substance .
it 's sort of like the musical era it covers .
Output: N
a month ago i wrote that speed 2 was the worst film i 've ever reviewed on paper .
i did n't know at the time
that i 'd soon encounter and despise batman & robin , which has just overtaken speed 2 as the picture least worthy of your attention this summer . as directed by joel schumacher ( who now specializes in batman sequels and john grisham adaptations and is n't very good at either ) , b & r is
one long excuse for a taco bell promotion .
the plot , which has mr . freeze and poison ivy ( uma thurman ) planning to take over gotham city and then " the vorld " ( as an oddly ineffective schwarzenegger states ) , is weighted down by repetitive asides about the nature of trust , partnership ,
blah , blah , blah .
but morals are not the point of this film -- topping each bloated , confusing action scene
with next one is .
the garish art direction and overlit cinematography make this picture oddly comparable to the trashy showgirls .
since when did gotham city become a giant las vegas hotel ?
only george clooney comes out on top ; he underplays nicely and pretends like he 's in a real movie .
Output: N
a big , busy boxing satire with a surprisingly paltry punch , the great white hype stars samuel l
.
jackson as a shameless boxing promoter whose plan to boost sagging pay - per - view revenues is to " invent " a white contender ( peter berg ) to challenge his black heavyweight " champ " ( damon wayans ) .
( the logic is that people will pay more to see black vs .
white than black vs .
black . )
he may be right , in an absurdly accurate way , but the film does n't give us a reason to care .
as a scathing sports spoof , hype is just that : unfunny , unfocused , and , at times , just plain pointless .
as a commentary on race relations , it 's even * less * effective .
the dialogue is the best of this mess , lines like jon lovitz exclaiming " i can not make caviar out of fish eggs !
" writers tony hendra and ron shelton also do good on the street slang , though we never hear enough of it .
the script is n't strong enough , though , to support the aggressive camera work of director reginald hudlin ( house party ) .
he comes across as absolute overkill .
the great white hype
* almost * turns around at the end , at the big match , when hudlin attempts an extended gag of rock - concert proportions .
with costumed dwarfs , gangsta rappers , and the " champ " dressed as death , only then do we get a glimpse of the spoof that should 've been .
Output: N
violence is bad .
violence is ugly .
violence breeds yet more violence .
kids , do n't try this at home .
this weighty message is n't the only barrier to enjoying brother , but it 's certainly one of the largest .
written , directed by , and starring the infamous takeshi kitano
( kikujiro , sonatine ) brother is his first film made outside his familial japan , bringing the yakuza tradition to los angeles .
( yakuza translated for the average american is the japanese mafia . )
if you piss a " family " member off , or dishonor yourself in any way , the usual punishment is public display of self - mutilation , usually resulting in the loss of limbs .
a definition of dishonor can be anything from making a stupid decision to leaving one family for another .
it would be interesting to know more about where these and other customs come from .
unfortunately the film does n't give too much of an explanation , assuming its audience is aware of kitano 's earlier work .
there are several shots that focus specifically on detailed tattoos that spread across the entire back of the yakuza members , leading one to assume they would be symbolic of something , but you never know what .
then there 's a scene in which a man kills himself in front of a rival in exchange for that rival joining the family .
granted , this is one of the best scenes in the movie , but it does n't make a lot of sense .
instead , the two hours are basically spent watching the following : people go out and shoot each other , talk about it for ten - plus minutes , then go out and do it again .
the consistently repetitive discussion of territory during these moments involuntarily provokes yawning .
there are also plot details thrown in for no identifiable purpose .
all of the sudden yamamoto ( kitano ) has a girlfriend .
he barely speaks to her , treats her like crap , and then sends her away .
another missed opportunity , considering it is such a big deal for kitano to bring his magic to the united states , is the combination of cultures , which rely too heavily on overused stereotypes .
though slow moving , brother does have good elements .
the action scenes are well directed , clearly defined , and interesting to watch .
some of the violence is more hinted at than shown , which produces the luscious squirm that one goes to see such films for .
the actors would be more enticing if they had more to do .
shirase 's ( masaya kato ) loud , sarcastic coolness set against yamamoto 's quietly threatening attitude is truly an entertaining combination .
their moments together or apart steal the rest of the show . also to its credit , brother tackles the cause and effect of crime with realism .
a life of crime is easy to get sucked into with the first reward of quick cash .
sure people get rich , but they can also lose just as easily .
it 's a great moral , with a great cast , just not much substance to back it up .
Output: N
the word to describe sharon stone is " wonder " .
not that she _ is _ a wonder , but rather that
i wonder how she can be so inconsistent .
she has a dynamic screen presence in " basic instinct " , turns in a surprisingly fine acting job in " casino " , but possesses neither of those here .
stone teams up with private school headmaster 's wife isabelle adjani to kill adjani 's thoroughly unlikable husband ( chazz palminteri ) .
in a comedy of errors and unexpected twists
straight out of hitchcock ( as in ` homage to ' [ read " steal from " ] ) , it turns out that someone saw them or he 's not dead or maybe . . .
kathy bates turns in a credible , if unspectacular , performance as an investigative police detective .
her character is a bit dull but realistic , although her actions at the end are puzzling .
adjani is more than satisfactory as the timid beaten spouse driven to desperation .
it 's stone that is a disappointment among the actors .
how can she be the epitome of a femme fatale in previous films and come off as a blank in this one ?
costumed in skin - tight clothes and looking down her nose at everyone , she is someone you would want to avoid because she is boring , not enticingly dangerous .
even the threat ( or promise ? ) of a lesbian relationship between the conspirators is only half played out .
on the positive side , there are enough unexpected plot developments to keep your interest alive .
that is if you can put up with stone 's cardboard cut - out character and scenes directly lifted from hitch 's movies .
Output: N
the tagline on random hearts reads " in a perfect world , they never would have met .
" in a perfect world , i never would have seen this movie .
the biggest flaw is that 20 minutes into this film , kay chandler ( kristin scott thomas ) and dutch van den broeck ( harrison ford ) are the only two major characters alive ; resulting in little doubt that they will end up together at some point during the laborious two - hours - and - then - some production .
dutch is a sergeant in internal affairs at the district of columbia police department .
kay is a congresswoman from new hampshire .
although they both think they are happily married , their spouses are cheating with each other behind their backs .
dutch and kay are soon widowed when a plane goes down carrying their partners ; they subsequently discover the affair .
the rest of the film is the pointless , unrealistic and often - times boring story of their researching the sexual relationship that they were blind to , and getting to know each other in the process .
two sub plots are of little help to the already problematic film .
dutch is trying to arrest a fellow officer , a task that seems rather ordinary for hollywood fare .
all the great stereotypes get pulled , including my personal favorite of the key witness that makes bail and is murdered soon thereafter .
kay 's distraction from the film 's primary focus is her campaign for re - election and attempts to shield her 15 year old daughter from the truth about the father she put on a pedestal .
these sub plots could have made for semi - interesting points , but the film seems afraid to explore politics or mother - daughter relations in depth , and consequently suffers . random hearts ' two primary characters seem to live in shells .
although both kay and dutch are given their own sub plots , they seem to never deal with anyone other than themselves or each other .
there is plenty of opportunity , dutch having a partner and kay having close friends and her daughter , but the movie shies away from exploring these relationships .
veteran actor and director of this film sydney pollack , and critically acclaimed up - and - comer dylan baker both have cameo roles , but be careful not to blink too much or you will miss them both .
other than its weak plot , it is hard to criticize random hearts .
however , it is also hard to compliment it .
had the film taken some small risks and more fully explored its extra characters and plots it may have tasted more like a well frosted cake , rather than the dry one that equates to be .
Output: N
synopsis : melissa , a mentally - disturbed woman who likes to smoke , seduces doug , a minor - league baseball player who likes to study anatomy , work on motorcycles , and make out with his girlfriend in a public library .
when doug decides to stop seeing her , melissa maliciously takes revenge on those around him , including his girlfriend , his mother , and his cat .
comments : malicious , i suppose , is an acceptable moview for what it is : a cheap , b - movie thriller which rips off dozens and dozens of spurned - psycho - lover - who - wants - revenge films
( like fatal attraction , hand that rocks the cradle , etc . etc . ) that have come before it .
malicious , however , really does n't provide very many particularly suspenseful moments .
the plot starts off energetically enough , the main characters are introduced and the affair between doug and melissa begins and ends pretty early on in the film .
it starts to drag , unfortunately , after this .
melissa will obviously try to take her revenge on doug ( as always seems to happen in movies like these ) , but she does so in unimaginative ways that have been done in other , better thrillers before .
she drugs someone .
she kills a family pet and leaves it in the girlfriend 's apartment .
and , of course , she stalks ,
so we see a number of shots , which are supposed to be suspenseful , where she 's spying on doug and his girlfriend .
i wo n't reveal the ludicrous ending to this turkey , but i warn you that it 's both painfully obvious and a real yawner
.
john vernon does a remarkably good job at playing the not - so - bright baseball jock who initially gets swept away by melissa ( one of the script 's faults is to try to pass off a character like this as a pre - med student ) .
the same can not be said , though , for molly ringwald .
at times , she can effectively pull off the obsessed lover routine , especially during her silent , i'm - going - to - stare - you - down scenes .
at other times , however , she just seems somehow goofy and out of place .
in one particular scene which i guess was supposed to be suspenseful , she screeches " f --
k you , you b-----d " and throws a phone .
she delivers the line so ridiculously that one ca n't help but laugh
.
malicious certainly is n't the worst thriller of its kind out in the video racks ( a number of really fat turkies in this genre are out there ) , but it is n't all that good or original either .
feel free to treat this film maliciously , watch something else .
Output: N
running time approximately 1hr
40mins reviewed by jack choo rating : the movie starts with a rather se7en - ish opening sequence , rather cool and sets the mood for things to come .
the story propels the audience into a neo - reality ; somewhat very close to conscious reality but laced with weird tinges of blue and red .
existenz is actually the name of a new virtual - reality game .
supposedly , vr games are highly popular as is considered a legal - drug in this neo - reality .
*
*
*
* ( leigh ) is the ultimate game creator and introduces her ultimate game - experience in the form of existenz .
players are required to have bio - ports embedded in their spine , which plugs to a game - pod in order to enjoy the immersive experience .
during a secretive beta - testing - cum - teaser meeting for this new game , an assassination attempt on
*
* * life occurs and she runs off with fellow bodyguard
*
* * ( law ) .
*
* * is more of a realists than anything else , afraid that he 'll lose reality if he begin to play these games but
*
* * requires his help to immerse together with her into existenz to check if the program is still functioning properly after the assassination attempt .
as they soon discover , they are transported between realities within existenz uncovering more than they initially expected .
existenz has all the cronenberg - gore that is expected of him .
even so , this film is no - where near his cult classics such as videodrome or scanners .
not even half as suspenseful as the commercially successful the fly .
existenz can probably be looked upon as his 90 's version of videodrome , even so ,
it is a poor follow - up .
while in most of his famed films , his penchant for gore always hit the right note with theme of the film and plot .
in existenz , the gory sequences are no more attached to spirit of the film and seem to be an act of over - indulgence than anything else .
jennifer jason leigh and jude law ,
both commendable actors , looked aloof and miss - directed throughout the entire film .
the scripting and acting barely pulls the film out of the b - grade category .
it was obvious that cronenberg worked on a really tight - budget and
it seems that he handled that pretty well in the production design and values created for this film ( the opening sequence , though , probably formed a considerable portion of the budget ! ) which is actually quite good .
existenz is too predictable and cliched in these times .
10 years ago , it would have been another classic for cronenberg .
cronenberg fans however , ( those people who enjoy seeing friends getting queasy over mutilation on film ) should not give this film a miss as some form of appreciation can still be offered by you .
Output: N
how do films like mouse hunt get into theatres ?
is n't there a law or something ?
this diabolical load of claptrap from steven speilberg 's dreamworks studio is hollywood family fare at its deadly worst .
mouse hunt takes the bare threads of a plot and tries to prop it up with overacting and flat - out stupid slapstick that makes comedies like jingle all the way look decent by comparison .
writer adam rifkin and director gore verbinski are the names chiefly responsible for this swill .
the plot , for what its worth , concerns two brothers ( nathan lane and an appalling lee evens ) who inherit a poorly run string factory and a seemingly worthless house from their eccentric father . deciding to check out the long - abandoned house , they soon learn that it 's worth a fortune and set about selling it in auction to the highest bidder .
but battling them at every turn is a very smart mouse , happy with his run - down little abode and wanting it to stay that way .
the story alternates between unfunny scenes of the brothers bickering over what to do with their inheritance and endless action sequences as the two take on their increasingly determined furry foe .
whatever promise the film starts with soon deteriorates into boring dialogue , terrible overacting , and increasingly uninspired slapstick that becomes all sound and fury , signifying nothing .
the script becomes so unspeakably bad that the best line poor lee evens can utter after another run in with the rodent is :
" i hate that mouse " .
oh cringe !
this is home alone all over again , and ten times worse .
one touching scene early on is worth mentioning .
we follow the mouse through a maze of walls and pipes until he arrives at his makeshift abode somewhere in a wall .
he jumps into a tiny bed , pulls up a makeshift sheet and snuggles up to sleep , seemingly happy and just wanting to be left alone .
it 's a magical little moment in an otherwise soulless film .
a message to speilberg :
if you want dreamworks to be associated with some kind of artistic credibility , then either give all concerned in mouse hunt a swift kick up the arse or hire yourself some decent writers and directors .
this kind of rubbish will just not do at all .
Output: N