plot : lara croft is british , rich and kicks a lot of ass .
she also likes to raid tombs but when the illuminata discover that all nine planets are about to stand in alignment for the first time in 5000 years , and that lara holds the key to time , well , needless to say , they want to nab it from her .
oh yeah , lara also likes to sport a lot of tight shirts .
. .
hummana - hummana - hummana .
. .
critique : angelina jolie was great in this movie .
there were also about three " action scenes " that were pretty cool to look at in this film .
uhhhhhm , unfortunately the rest of the movie sucked
! bad dialogue , generic sidekicks and bad guys ,
a lame mystery , yoda - esque moments with mumbo - jumbo being sprouted about and even
some crappy cgi near the end .
all in all , this movie was n't the horror show that some of the early reviews had warned us about , especially since every other scene does feature jolie 's torpedoes begging to burst out of her lucky shirts , but it was quite the letdown nonetheless , especially when you consider the major opportunity that the filmmakers had here to create a cool , hip woman hero , based on a popular video game .
i do n't know , i guess you have to put most of the blame on director simon west , who did n't really tie the whole movie together all that well .
the film lacked energy , a consistent pace and well . . .
a fun time !
i felt kinda depressed while watching this movie .
all that " father " crap was horrible and the dialogue given to poor john voight to recite was just plain embarrassing
( and i 'm not even gon na mention his moustache . . .
hehehe ) .
why have this shite in the movie at all ? ! ?
i especially hated the scenes in which some ghost - like figure , friend or child would ramble on about lara croft 's father while all the time ,
i 'm not giving one ounce of crap as to what they 're talking about .
i guess that 's called lack of " character development " , right ?
that 's when a movie builds enough background into the characters on the screen , so that we could actually " get into " it and care about them .
i did n't care about anyone in this movie , and was bored during most of its " let 's explain why we 're doing all this gobbledygook " moments . and even though i thought that jolie kicked some mighty ass (
damn , did she look sexy blasting those guns or what ? ! ? ) ,
everybody else around her was so goddamn boring
!
her butler was a throwaway with no personality , her side - kick was supposed to be funny but
just annoyed me
every time he said the word " bugger " ( and he says it a lot , trust me ! )
and all of the so - called bad guys just spewed one - dimension !
they had no spark , no energy amongst them , and even though a few of the action scenes in the movie were cool ( see the trailer
and you 'll know which ones i 'm talking about ) ,
the overall picture was lame and the dialogue and mystical bull - crap just buried it even further .
also , for a movie that 's supposed to be about all of these exotic locations , i was n't necessarily impressed by any of its exterior shots , and even less so with its interiors , which all looked like they were shot in the same room .
mind you
, i wo n't go as far as to say that it 's the " worst movie of the year " ( remember that i actually have to go see freddie prinze jr .
movies also ! ) , but
it 's definitely the worst film that i 've seen during this summer movie season ( of course , it 's still early
and i 'm sure there are a few more garbage heaps coming down the pike ) .
skip this one altogether and rent any of the indiana jones movies instead . . .
trust me , you 'll miss the boobs but end your night with some rock - solid porn
and it 's all good !
where 's joblo coming from ?
raiders of the lost ark ( 10/10 ) - the mummy ( 8/10 ) - lost in space ( 7/10 ) - the mummy returns ( 6/10 ) - the general 's daughter ( 3/10 ) - romancing the stone ( 7/10 ) - wild wild west ( 3/10 ) - mission impossible 2 ( 7/10 )
Output: N