niryuu/sni-each-converted huggingface dataset:
1990s would remembered as the era of binary movie events in hollywood - two movies dealing with the same subject , or , to be precise , same " high concept " .
in summer 1994 , that " high concept " was " mad bomber action thriller " .
in few weeks , " thrillride of the summer " actionfest speed was followed by rather action thriller blown away ,
so disappointing that most of the people these days associate the title with the 1992 thriller in which nicole eggert did few nude scenes .
the movie begins in the prison in northern ireland , where gaerity ( tommy lee jones ) , ira terrorist with the great talent to make lethal explosive devices from almost any material , escapes from prison .
he comes to boston , where he accidentally notices jimmy dove ( jeff bridges ) , dedicated bomb disposal expert within boston police .
few people except gaerity know the dove 's violent past , when he used to be ira terrorist before becoming sick with violence , betraying gaerity and emigrating to america where he changed the name and started using his experience for good purpose .
gaerity holds dove personally responsible for his captivity and begins the campaign of bombing terror , directed specifically at dove 's colleagues , friends and relatives .
dove , who is just going to retire and start family , now must confront the mad bomber .
while speed does n't even try to bother with plot and characters , using them only as an excuse for long and spectacular action scenes , blown away tries to be more conventional and provide the action with some back story .
and that is the main reason why it is inferior to speed .
badly written plot and badly written characters are sometimes worse than no plot and no characters at all .
screenplay by john bateer and john rice , barely touches the complicated issues of northern ireland , using the tragedy only as the cheap backstory for even cheaper drama .
the plot is , of course , full of implausibilities .
the main one is the fact that movie fails to explain how the single individual , no matter how brilliant he is , can produce thousands of deadly devices and hold entire city at bay .
those questions , same as in the case of speed , could be forgotten while the action goes on , but the pauses between action scenes are filled with cliched and predictable situation that should provide some background to the characters . because of them , movie seems a little bit too long , and boring at times . the most annoying element of the film , however , is tommy lee jones in the role of mad bomber .
his acting is
so over - the - top that potentially fascinating villain turns into pathetic caricature of himself .
this role is in painful contrast with the strong performance given by that same actor in fugitive .
the film have few bright points , though .
some of the action scenes are fine , which should be credited to director stephen hopkins ( predator ii , judgement night ) .
and forrest whitaker really shines in minor role of dove 's colleague .
but , all in all , blown away is a film that was justifiably shadowed by its more famous , yet hardly unforgettable competitor .
Output: N
has hollywood run out of interesting characters and plot - driven suspense thrillers that we must spend two hours watching will smith and a gritty gene hackman exchange obtuse dialogue and run around dodging fireballs ?
in enemy of the state , that is exactly right .
a few parts the net , and a few parts conspiracy theory , enemy is about as exciting as watching smith talk to cgi aliens in 1997 's lame brained men in black .
will this guy ever get a real role ?
he has the bruce willis syndrome .
the plot is bascially smith , playing a lawyer , getting into hot water with some high government murderers , who assassinated a powerful political figure earlier in the movie , when a tape of the killing gets into his hands .
he inlists the help of an old conspirator ( hackman ) , and , at the end , er . . .
you know .
enemy was one of the worst films of last year .
not only was it sloppy in telling its story and getting its facts straight ,
the acting was mediocre when it should have been energy driven , and i did n't like how smith always magically out - smarted the badies when all the other extra characters , seeming more intelligent than smith , somehow got run over by a truck .
enemy came out around the same time as the superior star trek : insurrection .
i know these two films are different in , well , everything , but the fact that enemy outgrossed insurrection just baffels me .
somehow , quality ca n't overshadow quantity .
Output: N
vegas vacation is the fourth film starring chevy chase and beverly d'angelo as the heads of the hapless griswold family .
as with the other three films , their two children , rusty and audrey , are played by a revolving series of actors .
this time ethan embry and marisol nichols fill the roles .
also back , is cousin eddie ( randy quaid ) , the slob relative who seems to bring problems wherever he goes .
in vegas vacation clark griswold ( chase ) decides to take the family on vacation to las vegas so that he and wife ellen ( d'angelo ) can renew their wedding vows .
it is at this point when comedy is supposed to ensue .
apparently the filmmakers thought that putting the griswolds into las vegas would be so funny on its own that they would n't bother to write any jokes into the script .
at least that 's the way it looks when watching this turkey .
about half way through vegas vacation i began to have serious doubts as to whether there would actually be a single laugh in the entire film , since there had been none up to that point .
by the end of the movie i had actually snickered a couple of times , and i had smiled at a couple of gags .
i might add that none of the funny ( and i use the term loosely ) moments came as a result of anything chase , d'angelo or quaid were involved in .
they might as well have stayed home for as much as they contributed to this film .
the two best things in this movie were ethan embry and marisol nichols as the griswold kids , who manage to have a couple of their own adventures .
rusty becomes a vegas high roller , providing most of the film 's best moments .
every time chase and quaid were involved in a gag , it just made it more and more apparent that they should have stopped this series after the third film .
which brings me to the best moment of the film .
the griswolds are driving down the highway and holiday road ( the theme from the original vacation ) begins to play .
christie brinkley and her red ferrari ( also from the first movie ) drive by .
it was a cute moment , but all it really did was remind me just how funny the first film had been , and just how far that this series has fallen . too bad .
Output: N
burnt money is the perfect festival film .
it will show once or twice , and then no one , thankfully , will ever have to hear from it again .
this film from the seattle international film festival 2001 's emerging masters series is easily one of the year 's worst
.
billed as a gay ` bonnie and clyde ' , this gritty film from director marcelo pi ?
eyro has its only highlight in a well - designed title sequence .
two gay lovers get involved in a bank robbery that makes a gang leader , whose plan they screwed up , angry .
this causes the gang leader to send his boys out to get the gay guys , one of whom may not actually be gay . hiding out in a prostitute 's apartment , the two men must fight off police and gang members in a very long showdown for the movie 's conclusion .
if caught , they risk losing all the money , and their love .
as an added emotional bonus , one of the gay men is dying .
or something like that .
everything that happens is so quick and confusing
i was completely lost .
clarity is n't exactly this movie 's striving virtue , so it was a little hard to pick up .
not much could have really happened though .
the main events in this long two - hour film are explicit homosexual and heterosexual sex , graphic drug use , extreme violence , and strong language .
lots of explicit material is never a bad thing when there 's a reason , but there 's no purpose to anything in this film .
most of the sex and violence scenes come off as silly , while the heavy drug use comes off as ridiculous and depressing .
it appears pi ?
eyro ( who co - wrote with marcelo figueras , from a novel by ricardo piglia ) purposefully adds more blood and lovemaking for his own amusement .
he makes the actors as sweaty and dirty as possible , makes them snort cocaine , gives them guns and condoms , and lets them go .
burnt money is pointless .
the performances are bad .
it tries to thrill and shock , but only causes boredom
.
god forbid it will ever get a distributor .
another disappointing film from this year 's so - called emerging masters series .
pass on by .
Output: N
claire danes , giovanni ribisi , and omar epps make a likable trio of protagonists , but they 're just about the only palatable element of the mod squad , a lame - brained big - screen version of the 70s tv show .
the story has all the originality of a block of wood
( well , it would if you could decipher it ) , the characters are all blank slates , and scott silver 's perfunctory action sequences are as cliched as they come .
by sheer force of talent , the three actors wring marginal enjoyment from the proceedings whenever they 're on screen , but the mod squad is just a second - rate action picture with a first - rate cast .
Output: N
in 1989 , director edward zwick began his career with the powerful civil war drama , " glory , " but since then , he has made continuous disappointments , to me at least , with 1994 's " legends of the fall , " and 1996 's " courage under fire .
"
those two films were n't bad , just not very good , but with zwick 's latest film , " the siege , " he has finally made one .
"
the siege , " is a modern - day action - thriller that focuses on terrorism that is sweeping through new york city .
investigating the matter is fbi agents anthony hubbard ( denzel washington ) and frank haddad ( tony shalhoub ) , who are first hit by the ordeal when a city bus explodes with several innocent people on it .
later , a bomb goes off in a broadway theater , killing even more .
they soon meet cia operative elise kraft ( annette bening ) , who may very well hold the key to the identity of the arab terrorist .
there are some movies that simply do n't need to be made , and , " the siege " may very well be one of them .
oh , sure , zwick thinks he is making a " meaningful " action film , since he has added lots of exposition scenes in which the audience is basically lectured on the horrors of terrorism , but what he really has made is actually no more substantial than , say , " die hard , " which also starred bruce willis .
this time , willis is horribly wasted as a general of the u . s . army , who puts a state of martial law over nyc during the climax .
whatever points , " the siege , " earnestly tried to make , were obviously lost in the translation from page to screen , or maybe , zwick never really had anything serious to say in the first place .
the role of the arab community is offensively stereotypical , just as women were in the recent , " john caprenter 's vampires , " by placing them all in the category of " bad guys .
"
" the siege , " contains three fine actors --- washington , bening , and shalhoub --- but washington is stuck with a character that contains not an ounce of even remote development .
bening has slightly more to do , and has an intriguing character to work with , while shalhoub pretty much steals the show , even though , again ,
he has no real character .
by the climax of , " the siege , " with washington giving a sermon to willis on the so - called " message " of the story , i felt like i had wandered into a sequel to , " on deadly ground , " in which steven seagal gave a 10-minute speech at the end about preserving the environment .
"
the siege " is constantly heavy - handed , not entertaining or insightful , and just goes to prove that not even the best actors can save a film that lacks a satisfactory screenplay .
Output: N
i guess that if a very wild bachelor party had gone really bad , there would be broken furniture , traces of smack and cocaine on the floor , and a dead prostitute in the bathroom .
i guess that if a movie had also gone really bad , there might be the same elements present .
coincidence ?
poor kyle ( a meek looking jon favreau ) . . .
he is about to marry his radiant fiancee , laura ( cameron diaz ) .
but before he exchanges his vows , he embarks to las vegas with his friends for one last blowout .
but this bachelor party has gone about as bad as it could possibly get .
the prostitute has met a horrible , though accidental death , and drugs are everywhere .
the five friends agree that there is enough bad evidence here that will send them to jail for a very long time .
a surprisingly calm robert boyd ( christian slater ) , who looks like he was groomed to make nefarious decisions , ponders their dilemma for a few minutes before deciding that the best thing to do is to bury the body in the desert where she 'll never be found .
although they stomach the gruesome deed of getting rid of the body ( which also disturbingly involves dismantling the body using power saws in order to stuff it into suitcases ) , when they return from their trip , guilt and paranoia begins to set in which slowly consumes some of the five friends .
one is adam ( daniel stern ) he grows increasingly agitated .
whenever people look at his van or whenever a cop glances his way , his blood pressure increases .
or that just may be because of his dysfunctional family .
another is michael , who was actually responsible for her death .
he tries to bury his feelings , but the burden of guilt begins to affect his judgment as well .
boyd is the ?
doer ' of the group .
seemingly suffering from a long psychosis , when he feels as if his secret is about to be exposed , he is apt to take extreme measures to cover up his tracks .
kyle just hopes that his wedding will live up to laura 's demanding expectations .
then , there 's moore ( leland orser ) who speaks 5 lines and walks around with a puzzled look on his face .
the problem with this reprehensible movie is that it wants to be a cruel comedy , but it presents things in a manner that just are n't funny .
drugs , mutilation , and killing your own friends is n't something to be laughed at .
as a straight psychological drama , i could see how it might have worked , as each one tried to maneuver and overcome the weight of their own guilt in their own sometimes - sick ways .
but this movie insults us by assuming that we could simply discard our values for 2 hours .
if you do like this movie , i do n't think that i want to know you .
i did find slater a convincing leader who sways his friends to choose not the right thing
but the ? smart play . '
and diaz adds some brightness to this film as a wedding - needing fiancee .
but
her talents are essentially wasted here .
it 's obvious that the film maker is trying to strike a certain tone .
but the way that he chooses to do it is tasteless .
do not make a very bad decision by seeing this film .
Output: N
i had been looking forward to this film since i heard about it early last year , when matthew perry had just signed on .
i 'm big fan of perry 's subtle sense of humor , and in addition , i think chris farley 's on - edge , extreme acting was a riot .
so naturally , when the trailer for " almost heroes " hit theaters , i almost jumped up and down .
a soda in hand , the lights dimming , i was ready to be blown away by farley 's final starring role and what was supposed to be matthew perry 's big breakthrough .
i was ready to be just amazed ; for this to be among farley 's best , in spite of david spade 's absence .
i was ready to be laughing my head off the minute the credits ran .
sadly , none of this came to pass .
the humor is spotty at best , with good moments and laughable one - liners few and far between .
perry and farley have no chemistry
; the role that perry was cast in seems obviously written for spade , for it 's his type of humor , and not at all what perry is associated with .
and the movie tries to be smart , a subject best left alone when it 's a farley flick .
the movie is a major dissapointment , with only a few scenes worth a first look , let alone a second .
perry delivers not one humorous line the whole movie , and not surprisingly
; the only reason the movie made the top ten grossing list opening week was because it was advertised with farley .
and farley 's classic humor is widespread , too .
almost heroes almost works , but misses the wagon - train by quite a longshot .
guys , let 's leave the exploring to lewis and clark , huh ?
stick to " tommy boy " , and we 'll all be " friends " .
Output: N
to put it bluntly , ed wood would have been proud of this .
a totally ridiculous plot is encompassed with bad humor , hokey drama , zero logic and a crap screenplay .
also , a beautifully anti - climactic ending .
not to say it did n't look intriguing when i saw the previews .
so much for truth in advertising .
roland emmerich , who 's later " independence day " would look like " the 400 blows " compared to this , co - writed and directed this inane sci - fi film which uses the cliche of there being some connection between eqypt and aliens .
in a useless opening sequence , men find a stone in 1914 with hieroglyphics on it .
it would n't be till present day ( ' 94 ) till they would actually figure it out .
they 're decipherer ?
a slightly - neurotic scientist ( nice twist ) , dr .
dan jackson ( james spader , doing his best outside of erotic thrillers and some indy fare ) who 's life sucks so much that people walk out of his lectures after the third word .
why do they use him to decipher what no one else could ?
so there is a hokey ending !
duh !
he figures it out in about a minute .
yea .
and then they get a suicidal colonel or something
, " jack " o'neill ( kurt russel , with his wyat earp locks in the beginning then a flat - top that would make howie long snap into a fetal position ) .
why a suicidal colonel ?
for the ending !
you 'll get the hang of this .
they open the stargate , a bunch of them go through it with a bomb to blow it up if they find anything bad .
after an overdone special effects thing , they 're . . .
inside a goddam pyramid .
so they went to egypt ,
right ?
wrong .
they 're on another planet that was filmed in egypt .
they discover a cilvilization ruled by ra , the sun god ( the androginous jaye davidson , with a voice modifier to make him sound like barry white with asthma ) , and there are fights , explosions and a kiss between two people .
yea .
also melodrama , stupidity , hokey scenes and a bizarre language .
an anti - climactic ending ends with stupid lines ( " say hello to king tut , asswhole ! "
- the quintessential line , lemme tell ya ) and some convenient pesudo - pseudo - pseudo - character development .
by the end , you just wanna go home and watch , i do n't know , the " outer limits " or something .
the script 's terrible .
the special effects are okay , but nothing great .
the story 's so weak that it 's almost opaque
.
the whole experience just is n't worth it unless you 're so bored that you 'd consider watching a " full house " marathon . . .
or this .
i 'd pick this , obviously , but still ,
it 's just not fun at all .
and i ca n't wait for it to premier on mst3k .
Output: N
aspiring broadway composer robert ( aaron williams ) secretly carries a torch for his best friend , struggling actor marc ( michael shawn lucas ) .
the problem is , marc only has eyes for " perfect 10s , " which the geeky , insecure robert certainly is not .
meanwhile , marc 's spoiled ( hetero ) female roommate , cynthia ( mara hobel ) , spends her days lying about their apartment and harrassing magazine editor tina brown .
writer - director victor mignatti 's " very romantic comedy " ( as the ad campaign states ) is supposed to be ( pardon the pun ) a gay ol' romp , but
it 's hard to have much fun with these annoying , self - absorbed characters and their shallow personal problems : marc and cynthia have sitcom - level domestic " crises " ( such as trying to kill bugs -- how hilarious ) ; robert and marc go to acting class ( how riveting ) ; the zaftig cynthia goes on eating binges
( how original ) .
but more than anything else , the three whine .
constantly .
marc whines about his turbulent romance with an apparent " 10 , " david ( hugh panaro ) ,
the hunky musician from across the way ; robert whines about not being able to find the right guy ; cynthia whines about having to find a job ( horrors ) .
the terrible trio whine their way to a happy ending that is wholly undeserved
. add in overly broad performances and some laughable lipsynching by panaro , and you 're left with one astonishing piece of cinematic damage .
Output: N
these days , people have rather short attention span and hardly anything can satisfy them for the long run .
1970s nostalgia is already wearing off , and now , people are becoming more and more interested in 1980s .
few years in the future , early 1990s are going to be regarded as next golden age of nostalgia .
however , i doubt that people are going to be very nostalgic about the hollywood products of that period .
one of the reason would surely be films like national lampoon 's loaded weapon 1 , that , in many ways , symbolise the biggest problem of contemporary american film industry - lack of originality and ideas . being made as some kind of parody on lethal weapon series , this film pairs two l . a . policemen - jack colt ( emilio estevez ) , burn - out alcoholic cop on the edge , and wes luger ( samuel l . jackson ) , by - the - book policeman , days away from retirement .
two of them , following the murder of luger 's ex- partner , must confront evil general mortars ( william shatner ) , crime lord who is going to flood the market with cocaine stashed in wilderness girl cookies .
the authors of this films ( whose director , gene quintano , worked on such projects like third and fourth sequel of police academy ) lacked any original idea before they undertook the projects , and that reflects in the lack plot , characters , and , even original lines .
the plot , or what goes for the plot in this movie , is nothing more than a series of gags that make laugh of some popular films made in previous few years ( apart from lethal weapon series , this film " borrows " its female lead from basic instinct ) .
the best gags , are , same as with many other similar movies , shown in the trailers .
the rest simply does n't work .
only those who used to watch a lot of hollywood products in that period would laugh .
others would probably wince at the lameness of humour .
some would be entertained by celebrity cameos that pop up every once in a while .
but , at the end , spending hour and half in front of this disorganised mess of a movie is simply not worth the effort .
the film was sometimes criticised for being the parody of a series that already had strong comic overtones .
the authors of lethal weapon returned the favour by using the loaded weapon 1 joke in their fourth sequel .
Output: N
overblown remake of the 1963 robert wise film of the same name ( based on shirley jackson 's novel " the haunting of hill house " ) stars lili taylor as one of three " lab rats " that participate in a supposed " insomnia " study being initiated by liam neeson .
he is actually conducting a study on the causes of fear and why the human mind is still affected by it .
he drags the test subjects out to a foreboding mansion where all types of " creepy " cgi effects scare the cast and try the audience 's patience .
i know this question has been posed before , but why do people keep remaking good movies ?
the original was a great psychological horror film .
this new version is dull and very decidedly not scary .
in fact , i feel it is downright impossible to make a modern day pg-13 horror movie that is scary . unless you find obvious computer generated special effects frightening , then there 's nothing in this film that will raise hackles .
i nearly fell asleep twice during the film , and probably would have if they guy two rows behind me did n't seem to have such a personal relationship with the characters that he felt he needed to discuss every decision they made with them as the film progressed .
it 's sad to see such an amazing cast wasted so badly
.
owen wilson spends most of the film wandering the halls of the house , and the script does no justice to his wonderful comic ability .
catherine zeta - jones ( always nice to look at ) is given the woefully underwritten role of a bi - sexual insomniac that gets to run out of her bedroom perplexed every time some strange noise occurs .
liam neeson pops in from time to time to talk into his tape recorder and attempt to convince the others that he has as much knowledge about what 's going on as the rest of them do .
finally , poor lili taylor , the center of the film , gets the brunt of the cgi effects thrown at her while everyone else gets to scream and try to rescue her .
apparently , a subplot involving a tryst between zeta - jones and taylor 's characters was filmed but removed .
that 's too bad , because it might have lent some better characterization to the narrative .
this is jan de bont 's second straight misfire
( speed 2 : cruise control being the first ) .
when is he going to learn that bigger is not always necessarily better ?
robert wise knew that when he made the original and the makes of the blair witch project also knew that .
one should not approach a haunted house movie with a twister mindset .
if de bont and screenwriter david self had let our minds fill in the blanks as to what was happening instead of showing us everything , it would have served to make the film terrifying .
what our mind fashions on it 's own can be a thousand times more frightening than having having it completely led towards everything .
apparently , yet another version of this story is being filmed under it 's original title .
i certainly hope that this newer rendition will not be hurt by the insanity of jan de bont 's version and that it will retain the psychological impact that the original release had .
[ pg-13 ]
Output: N
everything in the phantom you have seen many times before and
there is nothing new presented here
. wincer displays absolutely no skill in setting up an exciting action sequence .
billy zane is wooden as the hero .
kristy swanson is given very little to do , and does very little with it . treat williams , looking like rhett butler but sounding like mickey mouse , is one of the worst villains i have ever seen in a movie .
only catherine zeta jones , as one of williams cohorts turns in a good performance .
she has energy and spunk , which the movie needed much more of .
oh yeah , the phantom also has a secret identity but
this is so poorly played out you wo n't even care .
about the only things i can recommend are a good performance by jones , and some colorful scenery .
however , if you re looking for a fun family movie , go watch the underrated flipper .
this is not a good movie .
Output: N
" return to horror high , " wants to be a couple different types of movies at once .
the film tells the story of a low - budget horror movie being filmed at the closed - down crippen high , a school where a group of serial murders took place five years before .
but what the cast and crew do n't know is that a real killer , maybe the same one that was never apprehended , is going into action again .
on one level , " return to horror high " is a slasher movie , and it is at this level that it works the best on .
watching the film , which was made in 1987 , i could n't help but take notice that the killer 's costume was almost identital to that of the ghostface in , " scream , " and " scream 2 .
" on another level , the film wants to be a slapstick comedy , and there are many hints of this throughout .
unfortunately , most of these jokes fall flat .
and the last thing the film wants to be is a " behind - the - scenes " look at an exploitation film being made .
the only problem is that , while much of it is supposed to be from the movie itself being made , no cameras are shown filming it , thus making it far more confusing than it had to be .
and to top it all off , the " twist " ending makes very little to no sense whatsoever
,
and so we are basically left with feeling as if we wasted our time .
there are story developments that are beyond ludicrous , and plot holes you could drive a winnebago through .
if you see the film , or have seen it , you 'll know what i mean .
the premise of " return to horror high , " is admittedly pretty crafty , and i liked the atmosphere of the school , which is where the whole thing takes place .
but director froehlich , judging from this movie , is an incompetent director , except for being able to film the seldom suspeneful scene .
well , come to think of it , there is only one scene that is actually scary , and it has to do with two actors being locked in a room as the killer tries to break in .
but other than that two - minute distraction , " return to horror high , " is
certainly no great shake .
note :
look for george clooney in a supporting role as one of the actors on the film .
and strangely enough , he is the first character to get the ax . . .
literally .
Output: N
the art of woo attempts to be one of those films like breakfast at tiffany 's in which the audience is rooting for some sweet , vulnerable , irresistible woman to work out her problems and to find happiness .
the problem is that helen lee who writes and directs seems to have written alessa woo ( played by sook - yin lee ) as neither sweet nor vulnerable and
she is quite resistible .
alessa is a young woman who happens to be a brilliant art dealer in the toronto art scene .
this is some sort of alternate world art scene where people pay tens of thousands of dollars for paintings by talented beginners and dealers in these paintings fly back and forth to places like switzerland .
one of the most knowledgeable of the art dealers is alessa .
she also happens to be the center of adulation of her friends and every party has suitors camped outside her window .
next door to alessa moves struggling genius artist and native american ben crowchild ( adam beach ) .
he sees that behind the facade that there is really a sad little girl within alessa who really will not be happy with the rich art collector she is dating .
ben gets emotionally involved with alessa .
( as alessa so delicately puts it , " we were bosom buddies , now we 're fuck buddies . " )
but alessa will have to decide whether she wants love with ben or wealth with her rich suitor .
the real problem with the film seems to be helen lee 's inability to decide what she wants to be saying .
she undercuts nearly everything she wants us to believe about alessa .
alessa is looking for financial security
but she makes decisions about large sums of money for her clients .
this appears to be a high profile and well - paid job .
we are supposed to care about alessa 's feelings , but she coldly refuses to visit her own ailing father .
alessa can not be portrayed as sweet and vulnerable if at an art auction she turns into our man flint .
this is a charmless romantic comedy that bets everything it has on the appeal of its main character and comes up double - zero
.
i rate it a 3 on the 0 to 10 scale and a -1 on the -4 to +4 scale .
Output: N
capsule : a science fiction allegory .
at the millennium a lethal contagious virus has hit taiwan .
officials have cut off water and other services to the center of contagion .
life there devolves and degenerates .
a man in an apartment has a hole in his floor and with it harasses his downstairs neighbor .
a slow but harrowing film to be missed if possible .
, low -1 ( -4 to +4 )
- the taiwan virus is ravaging taiwan and the part of the city that is the center of the contagion has been evacuated of anyone who will go .
one apartment building still houses people .
a woman , formerly an office worker , ( yang kuei - mei ) is tormented by her upstairs neighbor ( lee kang - sheng ) who has a hole cut by a plumber in the floor and is using it as a drain .
neighbor runs a small failing grocery store . - to make things more depressing , it is constantly raining hard .
- upstairs neighbor vomits through , pours water , etc .
a small and almost entirely one - sided war starts .
allegory about callousness and selfishness .
- woman is living on a pile of rolls of toilet tissue . - incongruous songs added to show downstairs neighbors dreams .
these are the songs of popular taiwanese singer grace chang .
- apartment is falling apart .
wallpaper is separating from walls .
plumbing is failing .
- boredom shown by long cuts in which nothing happens .
a lot of film seems to be used up .
- this story might have been done much better as a ten - minute animated film .
- stars are considered to be great dramatic actors by one reviewer .
- this film seems longer at 95 minutes most two - hour films .
Output: N
for those interested in the true spirit of moviemaking - or what 's left of it in mainstream hollywood - movie which are star vehicles are terrible things .
as a rule , the ignore general principles of cinema because they are not made to advance the media but rather to advance the career of a particular actor .
an actor might be chosen on the up - and - up , to give him exposure ; or he might be chosen on the way down to hand him a paycheck .
generally , though , the actor does n't matter , and soldier , the latest from the beleaguered warner brothers , exemplifies this : the picture lacks pizazz .
the star for the vehicle in this case is kurt russell , otherwise known as the man of thirty words or less .
russell plays todd , a human trained from birth in the ways of waging war and becoming emotionally distanced from the carnage he has wrought .
the movie lets us see this degenerate process , but by the time the real plot starts , we 're into todd 's later years .
he 's about to be replaced by a new breed of soldiers , ones who , instead of being trained * from * birth , are genetically selected * before * birth .
the pride of this class - caine 607 ( jason scott lee ) - will be our villain , and you know he 's the villain because he has a staring contest with our hero
near the movie 's start .
between the two leads , less than a full typed page of dialogue is spoken , and it 's possible to imagine a script which is ninety percent stage direction .
director paul anderson , who helmed last year 's icy thriller , event horizon , does n't show any inventiveness here and instead is content to let the actions play out on screen ad nauseam .
todd , upon being replaced , is left to die on a garbage planet ; but in order to stretch the running time out , the villains return to the garbage planet on a " routine patrol " and set the stage for the final firefight .
events are predictable from the time that the setups are made , and neither anderson nor scriptwriter david peoples attempts to show any creativeness here .
the most annoying plot facet is the reason that the whole of the movie comes to be : todd fails to show physical superiority against caine - in fact , not even todd and two of his companions can best the baddie - but near the end of the movie he shows remarkable prowess with automatic weaponry .
it 's not as though todd undergoes any significant character changes throughout the plot of the story , and so the plot has a very canned feeling about it .
the best route through this disaster is to take it lighthearted in spirit , and treat it as a parody of typical action fare , like universal soldier .
a strict interpretation , however , reveals an unmistakeable and unforgiveable lack of style , class , or substance ; and by next year , a large percentage of the people who have seen this will have taped it off of network television .
Output: N
director doug ellin 's kissing a fool , released earlier this year , is an aptly titled comedy about two plastic couples housed in an artificial story .
like a sitcom
with jokes so lame that it would be impossible to overlay a laugh track on it ,
the movie meanders along insulting the viewers ' intelligence in almost every frame .
the script by james frey and the director is filled with vapid actors who read meaningless lines
you 've heard before .
( " i 'm not wearing any underwear , " the bimbo tells the famous sportscaster , max , in what she assumes will be a sure - fire come - on line . )
max , chicago 's biggest playboy , decides to get married after a whirlwind love affair with sam , short for samantha .
max and sam possess two irritating personalities , and they hold little chemistry for each other or the audience .
max is played without any style by david schwimmer .
schwimmer , whose acting talent is playing characters devoid of personality , makes an unlikely lover .
his costar , mili avital as sam , is cut from the same cloth , so they can be argued to be a matched pair .
after all , people of the same intelligence are naturally drawn to each other , ditto for similar looks , so why should n't the personality - challenged be attracted ?
the implausible plot has max asking his best friend , jay ( jason lee ) , to hit on sam as a test .
jay is supposed to try to get her to sleep with him , but stop short of the actual act .
max , being promiscuous by nature , worries that his future bride may have the same need to sleep around as he does .
the idea of flirting with the beautiful sam makes jay so sick that he becomes unable to eat or work .
neither the script nor the actors make this test believable .
"
the 64 , 000 question is : how do you know you 're with the wrong person so you can avoid wreaking havoc on major parts of your life ?
" jay asks in one of the unsuccessful attempts at adding some seriousness to the film .
finally , there is the film 's attempt at physical comedy .
jay 's ex - girlfriend natasha ( vanessa angel ) becomes infatuated with jay again once she thinks he is going out with someone else .
natasha rips jay 's shirt open after pushing him down onto the sofa .
as she throws her hair on his bare chest , she demands he pull it .
this is supposed to be funny ?
most films have some saving grace .
some bit part was done especially well or some scene managed to be funny even if the rest of the picture was n't . kissing a fool , on the other hand , has nothing to recommend it .
kissing a fool runs 1 : 45 .
it is rated r for profanity and sexuality and would be acceptable for most teenagers .
Output: N
this
talky , terribly - plotted thriller stars alec baldwin as dave robicheaux , an ex - new orleans cop who gets ensnared in a murder- mystery after a light - plane crashes into the bayou beside his fishing boat .
he and his wife annie ( kelly lynch ) rescue a little salvadorian girl ( samantha lagpacan ) from the wreckage and that 's when the trouble begins .
the other major players include a local drug lord ( eric roberts ) , his scheming wife ( teri hatcher ) , a soused stripper ( mary stuart masterson ) , and a shady dea agent ( vondie curtis hall ) .
everyone knows everyone else and it makes for a collective that 's curious but never compelling .
based on the book by james lee burke , heaven 's prisoners is so badly plotted that entire * scenes * seem to be missing .
early on , we have no idea of why dave and annie keep the child to themselves .
nor how they eluded both the coast guard and the faa .
later , dave is reunited with a drug - abuser who appears seemingly clean and sober and without any explanation .
huh ?
the whole movie is like this , perhaps the result of some unkind cuts that happened during the eighteen months that the film sat on the shelf .
whatever the reason , somebody should tell director phil joanou ( final analysis ) to recut this mess .
in its present form , heaven 's prisoners runs only two hours plus change , but it feels like four .
Output: N
i 'm giving this stinker .
normally , the worst that i would ever rate a movie would be .
but the total waste of time
that is blazing saddles is , compounded by the fact that this movie is incredibly offensive , helped me come to the big goose egg .
i 'm not sure what the hell mel brooks was thinking when he made this thing , or if he was even thinking at all .
maybe in mel 's little mind a horse being knocked unconscious because of a punch to the face is funny .
in mine , it 's not .
or maybe mel graduated from the spike lee school of filmmaking .
because only the self - righteous lee uses the n - word more often in his films than brooks did in this one .
at least lee has the smarts to realize that nobody is going to find that term amusing .
brooks bandies it about like he figures the audience will be rolling in the aisles every time they hear it .
wrong mel !
i would call you a boob mel , but that insults breasts everywhere .
this idiotic attempt at a comedy centers on the evil lieutenant governor 's ( harvey korman ) attempts to clear out a town so he can buy up the land cheap and sell it to the railroad .
he sends his goons to run the townsfolk out .
but the town appeals to the governor ( mel brooks in one of many uninspired , and unfunny roles ) to send them a new sheriff to protect them .
the governor pawns the task off to korman 's character hedley lamarr .
( i can tell you are rolling off your chairs right now just thinking of all the humor in that name . )
lamarr decides to send the town a black sheriff ( gasp ) in the hopes that the town will be so disgusted at the prospect of a black man living among them that they will all just leave .
hold on , i 've got to stop while these gales of laughter pass .
it 's just too funny .
racism passing as humor
-- gosh why did n't anybody ever think of that one before ?
oh wait
, i think somebody might have -- they are called the kkk .
i 'm not calling brooks a racist -- but i am calling him an insensitive bastard who would n't know what was funny if it hit him over the head .
but i digress .
anyway , the black sheriff rides into town amid a flurry of townsfolk using the n - word .
golly , will the hilarity just never end ?
he ends up joining forces with a drunk ( gene wilder ) , who happens to be the former fastest gun in the west .
together , they save the day from evil . not one person in this movie gives a decent performance
.
wilder looks like he is recovering from a head injury for most of the movie , and korman looks embarrassed to be a part of the movie .
ok , he really did n't -- but he should have .
the films star cleavon
little goes along with the black jokes as if they were discussing the time of day .
i did not laugh once during this whole sorry experience .
i admit to starting to snicker on a couple of occasions .
actually , the end started to look as if it was going to have some promise , but
alas
, it ended up being as crappy
as the rest of the movie .
i can say with full confidence that blazing saddles has no redeeming qualities whatsoever .
mel brooks would be doing the world a favor if he burned every last copy of this film .
Output: N
2 days in the valley is more or less a pulp fiction knock off .
it basically involves how a bunch of quirky characters in the los angeles area end up having their lives become intertwined in some very unusual ways .
i 'm not going into much greater detail than that , since it would take forever to explain , and quite frankly , i 'm not willing to spend any more time on it than the 2 hours that i 've already wasted . while it tries very hard to be pulp fiction , 2 days in the valley falls way short
.
this is quite a condemnation considering the cast includes danny aiello , james spader and jeff daniels .
while the story is n't much , and the dialogue and characters rate only marginally better
, 2 days in the valley does have a couple of bright spots .
james spader 's character , while not much better than the rest , is at least fun to watch in a sick sort of way .
and we do get to see a nice cat fight between uber babes teri hatcher and charlize theron
( in her first role ) .
you know a movie is n't that good when the highlight is a brawl between two women .
even if they are both gorgeous .
i will give the writers some credit for the fairly clever ways in which they managed to intersect the lives of this group of characters that would have otherwise never interacted .
but marveling at that ingenuity is a far cry from actually enjoying the result .
while some of the characters and their respective stories are fairly interesting , they inevitably are brought down as they intersect with the other half of the characters that i really cared absolutely nothing about . if i were to put a number on it , only about half of the story and half the characters in this movie were particularly interesting or otherwise enjoyable to watch .
this is the sort of movie that only a huge fan of one or more of the cast members should rent , and even then prepare for disappointment .
not even charlize theron being naked would get me to sit through this movie again .
or at least not all of it anyway .
Output: N
what would inspire someone who can not write or act to pen and star in a movie ?
a better question , what would inspire a studio to produce said movie ? if you have an answer , let me know .
foolish , the new movie written by and starring master p is a jaw - droppingly horrible film , one with no redeeming value
socially , cinematically or otherwise .
comedically it has some potential , but only in its stand - up comedy moments , which i can turn on comedy central for .
master p stars as fifty dollah '
( beat that ! )
as a mobster ( i think ) who is trying to start a comedy club / act with his little brother foolish ( eddie griffin ) .
but the two of them have to deal with an angry mob boss ( played by andrew dice clay , for the very first time entertaining ) , a stubborn club owner and family problems ( the latter in foolish is a perfect example of roger ebert 's " idiot plot ,
" if everyone here was n't an idiot , there would be no problem ) so what does foolish have to offer beside a bunch of idiotic character names ?
not a hell of a lot .
as i have mentioned , master p can not act or write
.
he acts like the rapper that he is .
the occasional despair that his script requires him to exhibit is excruciatingly forced , as are his warm and fuzzy scenes with his little bro .
as for his script -- well , i suppose he delivers what one would expect from a musical artist with no previous screenwriting experience .
if you have n't yet figured it out , that is not saying much .
co - star eddie griffin ( really the star of the show ) is quite a different story .
the fact of the matter is that griffin , whose most significant screen outing to date is probably the mildly successful tv show malcolm and eddie on the fledgling upn network , is an extremely talented comedian , stand - up and otherwise .
he has much in common with chris tucker ( rush hour , money talks ) in how quickly and effortlessly his speech flows from his lips .
he spouts profanity with impressive dexterity ( to the extent which that can be done ) , and
while i hope that does not become his trademark it works in a few scenes in this movie .
and indeed , i laughed at a few stand - up scenes here , but from a feature - length movie i expect more .
foolish provided me with no reason to care for these characters .
every scene which has any potential for dramatic impact is effectively diffused by either a stupid joke ( in a scene where tension escalates between the two brothers , foolish blurts out towards his jewelry - sporting sibling " you lay one hand on me and this cemetary is going to be a gold rush " ) or something even more idiotic such as foolish smashing his own car ( to which i said , a bit too loudly for the occasion
" huh ?
" ) after getting slightly upset with his wife . believe me when i say that there is nothing in foolish that warrants parting with your hard - earned $ 8 .
you 'll get more laughs from watching 30 minutes of comedy central or any virtually any sitcom if you do n't have cable .
eddie griffin fans may enjoy this derivative ( although offensive ) yarn , but everyone else should stay the hell away . & # 137 ;
Output: N