sylvester stallone has made some crap films in his lifetime , but this has got to be one of the worst . a totally dull story that thinks it can use various explosions to make it interesting , " the specialist " is about as exciting as an episode of " dragnet , " and about as well acted .
even some attempts at film noir mood are destroyed by a sappy script , stupid and unlikable characters , and just plain nothingness . who knew a big explosion could be
so boring and
anti - climactic ?
unless you saw " blown away " . . .
"
the specliast " of the title is none other than action star sylvester stallone ( in comeback # 19 , i think ) , who plays a quiet , hermit - like bomber who was once a bomb expert with the army or something , but who suffered a change of heart when he and his assistant ( james woods , who shows us exactly what over - the - top is , other than another bad sly film ) accidentally killed some innocent people during a job .
his credo is killing bad people , not innocents .
and that 's why he makes big bombs .
so anyway , into his life steps the seductive sharon stone , who is basically the girlfriend / moll of the stupid son ( eric roberts ) of a cuban / miami kingpin ( rod steiger , in an indecipherable accent , which is sometimes cuban , sometimes brando , sometimes scottish , etc ) .
turns out sharon is actually using her boyfriend so she can kill him , since he killed her parents when she was young .
so she calls sly , leaves messages with him , sends him e - mail , etc , about planting a bomb to kill roberts , which sly listens to obsessively , and while he works out naked .
yea .
also into his life , though again , comes woods , who has been tipped off by stone to catch sly .
using the cops , he tries to set up traps , none which really work , so when sly calls him , he goes ballisitic on his ass over the phone , getting so worked up by saying his must - be - improvised speeches that he seems to pop the vein in his head wide open .
these are the most exciting scenes in the film , and woods becomes the only ounce of entertainment in the film .
the film tries to offer us a moody film noir , except with explosions , but comes up completely snake - eyes .
it 's just a pretend film noir , making it a big waste of time .
and for action buffs , the action scenes are pretty lame , with some really unrealistic - looking special effects (
a penthouse being blown off of a hotel looks like a piece of cardboard falling into a tub ) .
then there 's the much - discussed sex scene between sly and stone , which are about as mispaired a couple as rachel and ross on " friends .
" their sex scene is more nauseating
then sexy , because it shows us more of sly than stone .
now let 's guess who we 'd rather see naked , okay ?
stone 's small but perky breasts , which we 've seen more times than harvey keitel 's dick , or stallone 's veiny ass , which is n't usually shown for a very good reason ?
i know i ca n't really judge it as a flaw of the film , but come on .
the worst flaw of the film is this : it 's boring
.
i mean , i was on caffeine when watching it , but my friend fell asleep only to be woken up by james woods ranting .
but a good movie does not james woods going nuts make .
if you 're in for some fun action , rent sly 's earlier " demolition man , " which sucks too , but in a much more entertaining fashion .
skip this dull film , unless you want to see woods , or make fun of steiger 's accent , or see stone 's breasts again .
Output: N