niryuu/sni-each-converted huggingface dataset:
in this year 's summer movie preview issue of _
entertainment_weekly _ , theresa connelly described her writing - directing debut , _ polish_wedding _ , as " a child that did not quite become the child i thought it would .
"
one wonders what exactly she originally had in mind for this jumbled film , a comedy - drama that
appears doomed at its most basic elements .
the family at the center of _ polish_wedding _ is the pzoniaks , which consists of mother jadzia ( lena olin ) , father bolek ( gabriel byrne ) , sole daughter hala ( claire danes ) and four sons of varying degrees of facelessness .
it 's a large family , but there 's not a sympathetic one in the whole bunch , certainly not in the primary trio .
jadzia takes pride in building and maintaining a home and family , but she 's kind of a hypocrite since she 's carrying on an affair with a businessman rade serbedzija ) .
her excuse for her affair is neglect from bolek , who is such a passive wimp that one can not connect with his sadness and frustration .
also , how could he possibly pay so little attention to the saucy , sexy jadzia ?
hala is a spoiled , self - centered high school dropout whose reckless sexual experimentation predictably leads to pregnancy .
with such an unappealing set of characters , it 's no surprise that _ polish_wedding _ 's plot complications are far from involving .
naturally , jadzia and bolek would like hala to marry the young cop , russell schuster ( adam trese ) , who fathered the child , but he refuses to make such a commitment .
ho - hum .
another complication , involving the decidedly un - virginal hala being selected to crown a statue of the virgin mary , is first played for laughs and then ,
inexplicably , as a profound statement in the film 's climax -- which , ironically , is funnier than any of the film 's lame attempts at humor , such as a painfully labored slapstick attempt where jadzia leads her sons in a charge to beat up russell .
that scene is but one in a number of writing miscues by connelly .
the jadzia - bolek conflict is resolved in an overly pat way not unfamiliar to sitcom viewers .
the hala - russell conflict is n't resolved in as contrived a manner , but their ultimate resolution will leave viewers wondering if they had missed something . and then
there 's some atrocious dialogue , which i am sure was not supposed to be as ridiculous as they sound : " look at all these pickles .
just looking at them gives me such great sadness .
" as misguided as _ polish_wedding _ is , the affair is something of a letdown , considering the strong performances by byrne , danes , and especially the fiery olin .
they obviously believed in connelly and her material -- a faith that audiences will be hard - pressed to share .
Output: N
when i was nine , i started buying the coolest toy figures in my local department store .
masters of the universe was the pinnacle of what i was after for action figures : they combined science fiction and fantasy , had cool names like mekanek and stinkor and each came with its own little comic book to read .
of course , the animated series produced by filmation remains one of the most wildly successful television products in world history .
given the tremendous success of the toys and the cartoon ( not to mention its moderately successful spin - off she - ra : princess of power ) , it was inevitable that a production company would put two and two together , come with the result of " trillions " and make a live - action masters movie .
let 's be blunt : masters of the universe is a very bad movie .
the story is painfully dull and mind - numbingly cliched
( hands up who * would n't * guess he - man and skeletor take their fight into the real world ) and is acted out by either incredibly untalented actors ( dolph lundgren as he - man for one ) or good actors ( james tolkan , meg foster )
given such awful characters and dialogue that they ca n't help but seem terrible
.
it is extremely clear that someone making the movie wanted it to be as good as star wars .
we have the alien bounty hunters , the desert skif technology , stormtrooper lookalikes and a musical score so reminiscent of john williams that " deja vu " is too polite a term to use in describing it .
"
blatant uninspired ripoff " would appear more appropriate .
tv fans might want to check out courtney cox ( monica in friends ) and robert duncan mcneill ( lt paris in star trek : voyager ) , very early in their careers and not doing to well in them either .
so in the face of such mindless sub - mediocrity , is there anything to make masters of the universe worth watching at all ?
yes , there is .
one incredible good reason .
his name is frank langella .
langella has always been one of the underrated actors of hollywood , appearing in countless films over the years .
here he plays skeletor , the villain of the piece .
dressed in opulent black velvet robes and bearing a skull for a face , he is one part darth vader , one part emperor and two parts grim reaper .
given this character , langella falls right into it with style and precision .
skeletor is believable , interesting and manages to tread the fine line between being a homage to the past and startlingly original in his own right .
masters of the universe .
i remember loving it when i was eleven .
at twenty one it 's difficult to see why .
but , as i said , it is blessed with a superlative villain who makes the entire thing worth the tedium of the remainder .
besides , this year marks the film 's 10th anniversary .
watch it with some friends for a good laugh and celebrate .
Output: N
in " gia " , angelina jolie plays the titular character , the first so - called supermodel .
and right there you have the biggest hurdle this movie had to overcome ( in my eyes , anyway ) .
i just do n't see how the life of a model is worthy of a two hour film .
despite this , i kept an open mind when i began watching the movie .
sadly , though , my fears were realized .
it 's just not possible to make an interesting , full - length film about a person who spends their days wearing different clothes .
the movie follows the rise and fall of gia ( no last name ) , a tumultuous woman who does n't particularly enjoy the world of fashion .
she becomes famous more quickly than she can handle , and finds herself hooked on drugs and on a woman she can not have .
the last hour of the film is just one scene after another of gia getting high , losing a job , and going into rehab .
this formula is repeated several times , and i really got tired of it .
in general , i tend to dislike movies featuring heavy drug use .
no because it offends me or anything like that ; it just bores me .
quite frankly , i do n't see the appeal , so when a director shows me a point - of - view shot of a junkie , complete with tipsy camera angles and echoing voices , i am left somewhat unimpressed .
the first hour of the film , though , was actually quite engaging .
we see gia as she is discovered and moves to new york with her boyfriend .
these early scenes were interesting .
we 're shown the fashion world through a newcomers eyes , and it was a perspective i had n't seen before .
the movie begins to go downhill , however , once gia becomes an established model .
> from that point
, i lost all interest in the movie and was counting the minutes before it would end .
it all seemed so excessive .
fine , so gia had a drug problem , does this really need to dominate the film ?
could n't the same effect have been had with a five or ten minute montage of scenes featuring gia experimenting with drugs ?
or perhaps this film is meant to be a warning to aspiring models not to get into the drug world .
quite possibly , although since i have no desire to become a model , this warning is lost on me .
as i stated at the beginning of this review , i simply do n't see how the life of a model is worthy of a feature - length motion picture .
what do they do that warrants a movie ?
strut their stuff for thousands of dollars an hour ?
i suppose the same could be said about making movies about baseball players , for example , but at least somebody like lou gehrig led an interesting life .
gia
did not .
and by the end of the film , all i knew about gia for sure was that she hated modelling , was bi - sexual , and was heavily into drugs . not exactly a meaningful contribution to society , as far as i 'm concerned .
Output: N
dr dolittle ( 20th century fox ) running time : 1 hour 25 minutes starring eddie murphy directed by betty thomas riding high on the success of the nutty professor ( 1996 ) , murphy returns in this abysmal comedy .
he plays doctor john dolittle , who as a child had the ability to understand animals .
however , after being ' exorcised ' he loses this ability , and we fast forward to see dolittle in a crummy job surrounding by crummy people ( most notably dr mark weller , played by oliver platt . ) however , with a bonk on the head his ability to understand animals returns , and ' comedy ' is ready and waiting to happen .
except comedy never does happen .
doctor dolittle , even with the excellent premise , rarely manages to raise a laugh .
poor old murphy looks bored stiff throughout the whole movie , and his performance suffers .
the manic murphy we saw in the 80 's is gone , his more mature ( and more boring ) twin appears to be getting all the work in the 90 's .
the voices of the animals , which include albert brooks , chris rock ( the ' new ' eddie murphy ) and norm mcdonald as ' lucky ' the dog are marginally better , and at least they put enthusiasm in the movie .
sadly , most of their lines are pretty dumb .
and they 're not ' funny ' dumb , like dumb & dumber ( 1994 ) , but just boring dumb .
the film even succumbs to fart jokes halfway through , in a desperate attempt to raise some laughs .
there are a few good jokes in the script , but they are few and far between .
if i had to choose a favourite performance , it would probably be albert brooks tiger , who has a certain charm about him .
sadly , he 's barely in the movie , and rock 's really annoying hamster is given far too much screen time .
joke wise
, we are thankfully , spared the mocking and insulting type of jokes that featured heavily in the nutty professor .
the director , betty thomas , has , well , done better films .
she bought us private parts ( 1997 ) and the brady bunch movie ( 1995 ) which were , sadly , much better than this .
the scenes lack any charm
, she just gets the job done .
the animals themselves , are reasonable realistic , although most of them are obviously puppets .
there 's an impressive looking tiger , however , and the lip sync is pretty good .
you 'd have no problem guessing that most of the close up 's are puppets , however , with their jilted movement .
i was hoping jim hensons workshop , who created the furry friends , would have done a better job .
doctor dolittle , in the end , is a disappointment for everyone involved .
murphy has done much better movies
( i .
e trading places )
the director has seen better days , and even the creatures are n't that good .
the target audience , aged between 7 - 13 , who are undemanding , will probably like it however , thanks to it 's dumbed down humour .
everyone else , however , should give doctor dolittle a miss .
Output: N
disney 's " air bud " tells a boy - and - his - dog story with a twist -- the pooch is quite an accomplished basketball player .
granted , for a family comedy , it 's not a very funny or successful idea to begin with , but it does n't seem to matter -- " air bud " is surprisingly solemn .
save for occasional moments of forced slapstick , the movie wags its tale with a straight face -- not a very enjoyable approach .
if " air bud " had realized its own absurdity , then it possibly could have been better .
here , we 're actually asked to cheer a moment when the dog marches out to save the big game , clad in two pairs of sneakers and even a jersey .
its number ? k9 .
yeah , whatever .
the movie opens as golden retriever buddy ( as himself ) escapes from his current owner , abusive clown - for - hire norm snively ( michael jeter ) .
he ends up in fernwell , washington , where mopey new - kid - on - the - block josh ( kevin zegers ) is trying to cope with the move and the recent death of his father .
buddy , kevin .
kevin , buddy .
once the dog proves his on - court prowess , kevin 's self - esteem rockets .
they both win places in the school 's basketball team , with the animal as their mascot .
but before they can make it to the finals , snively surfaces to reclaim buddy .
everything plays out just as one would think : heavy on predictability , light on an actual story .
the movie follows a calculated chain of events -- kevin 's gloom fades , snively gets his comeuppance and buddy contracts rabies and must be executed old yeller - style .
okay
, that last one 's a lie , but at least it would have been a quicker send - off than " air bud " 's courtroom climax -- no joke !
there 's even a faux - cute musical montage where a reluctant buddy gets cleaned - up to " splish splash .
"
paint cans are spilled and newspapers are buried ,
all in the name of formula .
the end credits note that " no special visual effects were used in the basketball sequences of this motion picture .
"
that very well may be true , and although to see a dog sink shots is quite a sight , a movie can not exist on feat alone .
but " air bud " does n't seem to be interested in anything else .
a friend of mine insists he saw buddy a while back on a segment of david letterman 's " stupid pet tricks .
"
i ca n't think of a more appropriate connection -- this movie is a stupid pet trick .
Output: N
bad movies described as " a swift descent into sinful pleasure , decay , and debauchery " are hard to watch .
bad 2000 's movies that resemble bad 1980s films are even harder to watch .
shadow hours falls into the latter category , a mish - mashed train wreck of b - movie actors ( including michael dorn , aka star trek 's worf ) , an uninteresting plot , vain attempts
at capitalizing on the " underground " scenes of seedy los angeles , and really , really bad directing and horrendous music video - esque ballistic editing that was taught to me in film school right before i decided to drop out .
the film revolves around the life of michael holloway ( balthazar getty ) who is trying to restart his life with his one - dimensional wife chloe ( rebecca gayheart ) after a nasty bout of drug and alcohol addictions .
michael takes a job of working the graveyard shift at the local gas station and is bombarded by the ugliness and weirdness of the nightlife of l . a .
one night , he meets a strange gent named stuart ( mr .
buckaroo banzai , peter weller ) .
he drives a porsche , smokes french cigarettes , and drones on about life , eventually coaxing mike into exploring the " underbelly " of l . a . together , a tour of punk bars , s&m clubs , and bare - knuckle fights .
the film then throws in a murder mystery with a cop played peter greene , acting like he wants to get the chance at a reprisal of his role in the mask 2 .
the film then simply dissolves into a cheap rip - off of dante 's inferno mixed with an old stephen
j . cannell television pilot .
the pace of the film is jarring and utterly without focus .
other horrors include the endless montages of people pumping gas and the charlie sheen , johnny depp , richard grieco - esque acting of balthazar getty .
peter weller clearly knows his career is completely gone and does n't give two shits about it .
and after the cheap exploitation of bondage clubs , dance clubs , and brothels - damn , is n't anyone safe any more from the ugly eye of hollywood ! ?
way back in 1984 , a great but crazy director named abel ferrara made his worse film and called it fear city .
shadow hours reminds me of an almost perfect sequel .
director / writer : isaac eaton producers : peter alevey , andrea mia , shon greenblatt ,
balthazar getty starring : balthazar getty , peter weller , rebecca gayheart , peter greene , frederic forrest , brad douriff , michael dorn
Output: N
hav plenty , as we are told in the beginning and reminded during the film , is a true story .
life itself is a series of true stories , but most are not movie material .
as scripted , directed , and acted by cinematic newcomer christopher scott cherot , hav plenty limps along at best .
its dialog is
so stilted -
"
you know what they say , ' no women ; no cry . '
" - that the actors are content to read the screenplay rather than invest much energy in trying to act it .
in the story , lee plenty ( cherot ) is a 28-year - old author and teaching assistant .
the movie , which happens mainly over the new year 's holiday , consists of a series of incidents in which various single and married women try to kiss lee or take him to bed . since he consistently refuses , caroline gooden ( tammi katherine jones ) figures that he must be gay .
eventually he and havilland " hav " savage ( chenoa maxwell ) get together , proving that he was n't gay after all , just picky .
sexy women can sit on his lap and ask him to go to bed with them , but he will not even kiss them .
he 's a man who knows his mind , which he frequently shares directly with the audience in a series of trite and overly cute monologues .
filled with wealthy african - americans , the story is closest in tone to love jones , which was better .
hav plenty 's story does n't go anywhere .
at the end it subjects us to lee plenty 's new film , which is a movie of the movie we 've just seen , but with even worse acting .
" remember folks that , as outrageous as this all seems , this is a true story .
" hav tells the camera , but the problem is that it 's not outrageous at all or even the least bit interesting .
hav plenty is n't so much a bad film as it is a total waste of the audience 's time
.
hav plenty runs 1 : 32 .
it is rated r for profanity and would be fine for most teenagers .
Output: N
phew , what a mess ! for his fifth collaboration with director
rich- ard donner ( lethal weapon i - iii , maverick )
, mel gibson plays a motormouth , maybe mentally ill new york city cabbie , jerry , whose wild conspiracy theories are all but ignored by alice ( julia roberts , acting all serious ) , the justice department employee that he has a crush on .
she not interested , but another person is : a cia psychiatrist ( patrick stewart ) who promptly kidnaps him .
is one of jerry 's conjectures correct ?
* is * the metal strip in the new $ 100 bill being used to track your movements ?
is oliver stone still alive , because he cut a deal with george bush to spread * dis * information ?
is this movie really about
* any * of the crazed cabbie 's theories ?
no , no ,
and no . as it turns out
, there 's some other nonsense going on here , involving and revolving around jerry 's background .
( hint : pay attention to an early scene where jerry blacks out and flashes back , in quick succession , to images of an interrogation room , hypodermic needles , and ms .
roberts herself . )
the * initial * premise is pretty good and is played , for a while , at a delightfully dizzying clip .
mel is wider - open that we 've ever seen him and , if his character 's relationship with roberts ' initially strains credibility , their combined star power is blissfully intoxicating .
( the highest wattage of the summer , perhaps ? )
even when the plot contrivances begin to intrude , the two remain a randy dandy screen pair .
there 's a great scene in jerry 's fortress , er , apartment , with alice trying to act casual as her hyperactive host tries to remember the combination to a locked coffee bean container .
( which he stores in another locked con- tainer , his fridge . )
other hilarious moments , of which there are many , include a trio of memorable convention - breakers , where alice ditches a tail , jerry cold - cocks someone , and , later , eludes a foot pursuit , each in a uproariously unexpected fashion .
( that 's donner 's own ladyhawke playing in the theater , btw . )
let 's see , other pleasures include .
. .
a brilliant title sequence , a jazzy score from carter burwell , and the worth - paying - to - see sight of roberts pumping lead into one bad guy and slamming another 's head into a wall .
oh , pretty woman !
getting to the latter , however , requires slogging through an increasingly overburdened and ultimately unappealing story .
the last hour of conspiracy theory devolves from tolerable to torturous to almost unwatchable .
more stuff happens of the stupid shit variety than is worth mentioning here , except , perhaps , for a late sequence that has alice locating jerry in an abandoned wing of a mental hospital by hearing his voice carrying through the air ducts .
and here i thought it was wabbit season .
good god , who rewrites these movies ? and
do they arrive in nondescript black vehicles ?
Output: N
it is with some sad irony that i screened fright night part 2 on the day that one of it 's stars , roddy mcdowall passed away at the age of 70 .
mcdowall was one of the most talented and prolific actors in hollywood , having a career that spanned over 60 years and appearing in more than 100 films .
fright night part 2 probably will not be counted among his more memorable roles .
this is really sad considering how good the first fright night film was .
william ragsdale and roddy mcdowall both reprised their roles as the somewhat reluctant vampire killers who seem to be the only ones that realize that vampires walk among us .
( at least in the movies anyway . )
it has been several years since charlie brewster ( ragsdale ) and b - movie actor turned late night horror film host , peter vincent ( mcdowall ) came face to face with a real live vampire who just happened to be charlie 's next door neighbor .
charlie and peter won that battle , but apparently even vampires have relatives who get pissed if you kill members of their family .
apparently charlie 's former bloodsucking next door neighbor had a sister who was none too pleased to find out that some kid and an aging actor staked her sibling .
so she decides to exact a little bit of revenge .
this ends up forcing charlie and peter to battle the forces of darkness yet again .
one of the things that made fright night such a success was chris sarandon who played charlie 's stylish next door neighbor with a taste for blood .
fright night part 2 tries to duplicate that modern style but
it falls sort . while they are stylish , the vamps in this film just do n't have the personality of the undead in the first film .
with the exception of a werewolf who adds some much needed comic relief to a few of the scenes .
one bright spot , speaking from a strictly sexist point of view , is traci lin , who plays charlie 's very skeptical girlfriend .
it 's really a shame that her career has n't been better since she made this film .
ragsdale does a fair job in this film , but does n't give nearly the performance that he did in the original .
roddy mcdowall makes the most with what he is given , which unfortunately is n't much which is a shame because his character was a lot of fun in the original movie .
i guess i would have to say that the first film was a superior product in every way .
the original always left you feeling danger was lurking right around the corner , part 2 had more of the feel of a music video .
never a good thing for a horror film .
another minus
for part 2 was the traditional scenes that leave the audience on the edge of their seats waiting for something to jump out of a shadow where very rare .
for that matter , they were almost nonexistent .
if i was going to watch a horror film , this would be far from my first choice .
the first fright night , on the other hand , would be right up near the top of my list .
if i was in the mood for a roddy mcdowall film i 'd probably head to the science fiction section of my local video store and rent planet of the apes .
either way fright night part 2 would most likely not enter into the equation .
Output: N
david spade has a snide , sarcastic sense of humor that works perfectly on the tv sitcom just shoot me .
it also served as a good showcase for him when he co - starred , opposite the late chris farley , in tommy boy and black sheep .
lost and found marks the comedian 's first attempt at going solo in a movie , and
it also reveals that when spade does n't have a reliable back - up system , his brand of humor seems more desperate than one may expect .
david spade is not the problem with lost and found .
he plays dylan ramsey , the sweet main character , to the best of his abilities .
the story revolves around dylan 's obsessions with his beautiful new neighbour , lila dubois ( sophie marceau , from braveheart ) , and her terrier named jack .
dylan believes that the best way to a woman 's heart is through her dog .
and so he kidnaps jack , planning to stage a fake rescue , in hope to win lila over .
there are three good things about lost and found .
the first is spade .
the second is sophie marceau , a lovely actress who 's been planted into the wrong movie .
lastly , there 's the dog , who is used here in a similar context to puffy from there 's something about mary .
unfortunately , director jeff pollack finds more humor in putting jack through a cycle in the drier than he does with simply making him look cute .
this kind of physical humor is dead .
pollack does everything but beat the poor pooch with a baseball bat to get laughs , and this procedure is cheap , unfunny and resoundingly cruel .
this is where i start to get fuzzy .
also in this unusual blend is ( apparently ) a sweet - natured love story between dylan and lila .
given the mean - spirited comedy that the movie is obviously striving for , i found this hard to swallow .
and , why does dylan even deserve someone like lila , after kidnapping her precious dog and putting it through such pain ?
predictably , lost and found opts for a happy ending , one that feels so sentimental , gooey , and rings so false that it sets off a siren in your head that makes you feel a bit cheated
.
david spade ( who also co - wrote the movie ) tries hard , so very hard , to make this project amusing .
there are some choice scenes that are quite funny , but the movie is only sporadically funny .
patrick bruel plays the stock character of rene , the pompous jerk who also wants to win lila over , with his good looks and money .
jon lovitz and martin sheen are welcome additions in two tiny supporting roles .
despite a few positive attributes , lost and found just does n't work .
if you 're searching for an enjoyable romantic - comedy , you could do far better than this obvious , misguided failure that shows a blatant disregard for what it 's trying to present .
Output: N
9 : its pathetic attempt at " improving " on a shakespeare classic .
8 :
its just another piece of teen fluff .
7 : kids in high school are not that witty .
6 : the wittiness is not witty enough .
5 :
the comedy is not funny . 4 : the acting is poor .
3 :
the music .
2 : the poster .
1 : its worse than she 's all that !
10=a classic 9=borderline classic 8=excellent 7=good 6=better than
average 5=average 4=disappointing 3=poor 2=awful 1=a crap classic
Output: N
sometimes i wonder just what the censors are thinking .
take this film , " naked killer " , among it 's ingredients are heavy doses of violence , rape sequences , straight and lesbian sex scenes and what our system calls " coarse language " .
but what do those intelligent people at the censorship bureau choose to remove in case someone will get offended ?
one word - penis .
that 's it .
in spite of everything else in the movie the one thing that the censors decide is too much is " penis . " .
it really restores you 're faith in the system , huh ?
anyway , that 's just a side point .
when naked killer was released in the local independent cinemas around melbourne , it was advertised ad nausuem as a hip , cool , controversial thriller .
what they forgot to mention was that it is n't very good
.
the plot involves male cop tinam ( simon yam ) , investigating a series of brutal murders .
while getting a haircut he meets and finds himself attracted to a girl named kitty ( chingmy yau ) , who , after extracting revenge on the man who killed her father , falls in with professional killer sister cindy ( svenwara madoka ) .
realising kitty has potential , cindy decides to train kitty in several unusual and ridiculous ways and gives her a new identity .
however in the course of his investigation tinam ( who believed kitty had disappeared ) , runs into her again , but is n't quite sure if it 's her . to complicate matters the actual serial killlers , princess and baby , who a former students of cindy , and have been told to kill their old master and her new student .
from then the action ensues .
. .
all in all , this is not a well done movie .
the script is awful , the direction all over the place , the editing is jerky and confusing and the subtitling is surprisingly poor .
however the are a few stand alone pieces that do entertain .
the shoot out in the car park is almost woo - like in adrenaline .
the fight scenes are energetic and i guess it must get a few points for trying something a little different .
let me put this way , if you like action - get something else , if you like strong women in movies - get something else , if you have do decide between this and " black cat " for your hong kong female action - do n't get either .
even for curiosity value
it just is n't worth it .
let 's face it - if ever the was a movie that became popular on
it 's subject alone , this is it .
Output: N
there is n't much good about this movie .
not much i can say about the acting , directing , or writing that would make you consider seeing this movie .
so i 'll get my one good comment out of the way , at least joel schuemacher ( batman & robin )
did n't direct it or it would be titled " technicolor city " .
in fact there is nothing colorful about this movie , its dark and depressingly gloomy right down to the bitter end .
the plot has a tendency to be interesting , but all that passes while your laughing at the ridiculous things thrown into what could have been a fascinating movie .
the plot is impossible to explain due to how senseless it gets , so i will just touch on the bare minimum .
john murdoch ( rufus sewell ) awakes in the bathtub of a cheap hotel , only to find out he has forgotten everything .
john must find out who he is before the " strangers " ( a .
k .
a . mind erasing aliens ) find him and use him for their own evil conspiracy .
during the film some interesting points are raised about human individuality , and the existence of inherently evil people .
any of these points however are completely " erased " from your mind as you watch the actors stumble through the dreadful script .
as i mentioned earlier , nothing but the atmosphere is right in this film .
the acting is bland , and since there is virtually no character development
no one seems to care .
the special effects are low budget and some even hilariously fake , a sign of a true " b - movie " . the direction is poor and there is little continuity , not that you would expect it in a movie switching realities constantly .
lastly the script is weak and has no concept of reality , and does n't deserve to have the word " science " in science - fiction .
if i have n't got my point across , i 'll say it more plainly : this is a bad movie .
lets hope the next movie by alex
" i wish i was tim burton " proyas is at least tolerable .
Output: N
for a film touted as exploring relationships and black sexuality , trois is surprisingly tame .
despite it 's lurid subject matter and it 's passing nod to fatal attraction ,
it moves along with flat , uninspired dialogue as it sets up a surprising climax that tries mightily to overthrow the considerable dead weight of the rest of the film .
freshly moved to atlanta , jermaine ( dourdan ) and his wife , jasmine ( moore ) , have the trappings of a perfect life .
they have a beautiful house in suburbia .
jermaine is a lawyer on the fast track at his firm .
jasmine is his supportive wife , who is finishing up her college degree .
in an opening montage via a home video of the pair , we see the unremarkable story of their marriage and early marital triumphs .
this is a couple that has it all .
into this eden slithers the lure of lust .
despite his outward appearance , jermaine reveals himself as selfish and covetous of his wife more as a possession than a person .
a glimmer of his true nature peeks out during an early sex scene with his wife as he goes about his business , oblivious to jasmine 's concerns .
we also find that he has been relentlessly asking jasmine to participate in a menage- a - trois , much to jasmine 's dismay .
as jermaine puts it , " do n't you want to be sexually free ?
"
jermaine shares his desire with co - worker terrence ( smith ) , who obligingly sets jermaine up with a woman who might be interested in just such an encounter .
the woman , jade ( palmer ) is a direct counterpoint to jasmine .
jade , at one point was a college student , too .
unlike jasmine , she found herself pregnant , dropped out of school and now struggles to make ends meet .
to further reinforce their differences , it 's revealed that jade is involved in a custody battle over her son .
inevitably , through liquor and a touch of duplicity on jermaine 's part , the forbidden act is consummated .
the aftermath of the encounter sidesteps into fatal attraction territory as acts of violence are perpetrated upon jermaine 's property with the hint that the violence may escalate .
by this point , trois shows itself to be a soap opera without the requisite melodrama : a fatal attraction without the social significance .
the exploration of relationships is strictly superficial and stereotypical .
jermaine comes off as insincere , sexually driven and selfish .
jasmine is bland and subservient .
jade comes off a bit sympathetically , but that is negated by her moral bankruptcy .
yet another tale of a sexually aggressive " dog " of a man who imposes his will upon his accommodating , innocent mate .
the last 10 minutes will undoubtly throw you a curve , but by this point , will you even care ?
if the rest of the movie was as dynamic as the ending , perhaps there could have been some freshness to it .
as it stands , trois is pretty standard fare .
Output: N
" mission to mars " is one of those annoying movies where , in the middle of the movie , you get the sneaking suspicion that the reason the trailer looks so good is because they showcased all the best parts of the movie : all five minutes of it .
" mission " * does * give you payoff ; but when it does come , it 's too little , too late .
" mission " has some good ideas , but they get lost in the unbearably boring delivery , dime - a - dozen dialogue , and spate of good actors wasted in cardboard - cutout roles .
i 'm sure the director and writers were very proud of each hallmark moment
they came up with , so they stretch each dramatic moment out like silly putty until
it loses all its charm
.
glances do n't communicate any deeper emotions just because you draw them out for five hours on end .
the film spends an hour on this kind of stuff , building to its climax .
a lot of it is a cliched glorification of family relationships , marriage , friendship , unite
we stand divided
we fall
kind of crap .
there are some spectacular special effects sequences in this film , and i give it points for trying to stay true to the science i know
( trying is the key word here ) .
the sequence with the martian demonstrating their history is oddly beautiful and touching , but as mentioned by then
we 're so sick of the goddamn thing we want the movie to be over .
great design , good intentions , but no cigar .
if you 're not a die hard sci - fi , fx or jerry o'connell fan ( his character is the only one who has some semblance of character ) , do n't waste your eight bucks on this .
and what the hell , tim robbins died halfway through the movie , in a stupid way too .
that 's just unforgiveable .
Output: N
america 's favorite homicidal plaything takes a wicked wife in " bride of chucky , " and their unholy matrimony is something old , nothing new .
the burning question on the minds of most moviegoers , however , has nothing to do with nuptial specifics or even how the movie stacks up , but rather whether or not the duo gets down and dirty on their blood - soaked honeymoon .
the answer is a sick - and - twisted yes - and viewers are treated to a shadowy glimpse of some hot - enough - to - melt - rubber ( or at least singe it )
lovin' .
guess they 're anatomically correct .
chucky ( again voiced by brad dourif )
, of course , is the star of the " child 's play " series , a my buddy - type doll possessed by the spirit of a slain serial killer .
in " bride , " the plot ( heh )
picks up with his girlfriend tiffany ( jennifer tilly ) resurrecting chucky 's remains ( he was blown up at the end of " child 's play 3 " ) with the help of a black arts manual called " voodoo for dummies . " silly mortal .
before long , she 's also been reduced to shin - high figurine status , and the plastic incarnations of these one - time lunatic lovebirds hit the road to scope out some potential new human bodies .
the rest of this rocky horror puppet show plays out as tiff and the chuckster stalk a young couple ( nick stabile and katherine heigl ) with conjugal plans of their own , leading them towards a new jersey grave where a magical , soul - transferring amulet allegedly lies in wait . along the way , our murderous barbie and ken go through post - marriage motions similar to any given pair of newlyweds - bicker , argue , kiss and make up .
but when they squabble over who 's going to do the dishes , watch out .
hey , even faux people have got to work through their problems .
director ronny yu keeps the mayhem flashy and stages an inventive scene or two , but not even visual flair can make up for the fact that these creepy kewpies are neither scary nor menacing .
when one of them charges , it 's nothing a good forward punt could n't take care of .
and when a climactic chase scene is needed , one of the dim - bulb protagonists must _ pick_chucky_up _
so the demonic toy can force his hostage to run at gunpoint .
throw in some silly casualties and a ridiculous ending
( will " son of chucky " be next ? ) and this is a bizarrely bad 89-minutes at the movies .
as is the thing to do in post- " scream
" slasher cinema , don mancini 's screenplay slathers on the in - jokes and genre - parody . but
little of the humor succeeds , proving self - reference can be completely worthless when it lacks bite . to be fair , though , most of " bride of chucky " is on auto - pilot , so it 's not quite right to single out one misfired aspect of the film .
similarly shaky , the acting ranges from screeching camp to boring bland , the effects are n't that special and
the story is one big groaner .
here 's hoping chucky and his entire clan - past , present and future - rest in peace .
Output: N
this is the first film in what would become the most successful series of horror films of all time .
a fair warning to those of you who might be inclined to watch this movie for the first appearance of everyone 's favorite goalie - mask - wearing homicidal maniac .
jason , the guy who single handedly controlled the overpopulation problem around the crystal lake area , does n't start his quest to find the most interesting household item with which to kill someone until the sequel .
while he does have a small role in this film , we the audience have to depend on another blood thirsty maniac to rack up the body count .
the plot , like every other friday the 13th movie goes something like this -- crazed killer murders as many unsuspecting teenagers as he / she / it possibly can in the space of a 90 minute movie .
the reasons that the afore mentioned unsuspecting teenagers come into contact with the bloodthirsty killer are usually of little importance to the story .
but for those of you out there that might actually care about such trivial matters in a movie such as a plot , here are the basics .
a bunch of unsuspecting teens get a summer job at a long closed summer camp .
they are days away from the arrival of the kids and they are spending their time fixing the place up and making sure it is ready for the kids .
sadly , they start being butchered one by one by the bloodthirsty killer .
at this point i would usually say something about the quality of acting , directing or maybe something about the high quality of the production .
since i 'm not going to do that , feel free to assume that if i did , it would n't be positive .
i will say that this movie looks as if it was made for about a hundred bucks , and that includes the actors ' salaries . if you are used to recent horror films like scream , you are in for a bit of a surprise .
the only saving grace for friday the 13th is that it was really the first of its kind , with the killer taking real pride in their work .
using as many methods of murder as they could .
none of this single murder weapon stuff life that unimaginative leatherface in chainsaw massacre , or the creatively stifled imagination of halloween 's michael myers who just used brute force or a really big kitchen knife .
nope , in the friday the 13th movies , you can always count on the killer taking great pride in his work .
one fun fact about this movie is that the cast includes a very young kevin bacon , although after this movie it is a wonder he ever worked again .
the main reason to see friday the 13th is if you want to watch all of the series from the beginning .
if not , stick with the later films with jason , everyone 's favorite hockey fan .
friday the 13th is the sort of movie that is fun to sit down and get a couple of scares from , just do n't sit down expecting a whole lot .
Output: N
there 's a good , and timely , story trapped deep within the excess of murder in the first , a new movie about the abuses of our prison system .
with a country wrapped up in feverish debate over the crime issue and the rights of the accused and the incarcerated in jeopardy , this expose would offer something rare to recent american movies -- a point of view .
but director marc rocco makes it clear from the beginning
that pretentious , often nauseating , camera movements and slick , mtv- style lighting and editing are far more important .
there 's not a moment in the picture where he surrenders technique for pure storytelling .
and everything suffers .
christian slater and kevin bacon star as defense attorney and alcatraz inmate , respectively .
after spending an unprecedented amount of time in an isolated cell for attempting to escape , bacon murders another prisoner and faces trial .
his young lawyer ( slater ) is fresh out of law school but determined to " put alcatraz on trial " for the abuses of it warden ( gary oldman ) .
the result is the usual courtroom theatrics- imagine a stanley kramer production shot by hyperactive film school students .
there 's very little to praise here outside of kevin bacon 's earnest overacting and the appropriate story .
there 's a lot of overacting from everyone -- you know
you 're in trouble right away
when r .
lee ermey ( the drill sergeant in full metal jacket ) is cast as a judge , the center of reason and moderation .
slater has never been convincing and certainly is n't here
and oldman is on a bad streak of hammy performances .
but the worst feeling you get while watching murder in the first is that the man behind the camera could care less about telling a good story .
there are long exchanges of dialogue where the camera is not even moving near the characters , let alone with them .
how frustrating it must be for actors to work under these conditions .
if there 's anything that has alway distinguished american films over the rest of the world , it is our ability to tell a good story .
have we forgotten ?
Output: N
this is the worst movie i 've viewed so far in 98 .
the avengers = silly = man dressed in a bowler hat + woman wearing tight leathers
> evil scientists dressed in teddy bear suits + greater evil , sir august de wynter wearing kilt .
the question is what could have gone wrong with a potentially great idea with big name cast ?
the same question was probably asked of last year 's stinker batman and robin .
i feel the production got a little too smug ,
the script a little to smart and direction was somehow lost in the chaos of random events that collided together to form a movie .
my greatest criticism rests on the fact that there was no chemistry between emma peel and john steed ( thurman and fiennes ) ?
something that was a vital element of the 60 's tv serial of the same name .
the dialogue goes on and on about tea and other finer british perks , but does not allow much room for character development and interaction , except to perhaps grate on the viewer 's nerves .
one wonders why the dynamic pair bother kissing in the end except for pure english formality .
connery as sir august , does not fair better than thurman or fiennes .
his dialogue is as erratic as stormy weather , mostly embarrassing and poor quality .
if there is a movie you would prefer never to see , i believe the avengers would be a good choice .
for one thing , you will not have to witness a product that is far inferior to the three high profile names that is associated with the title .
i can not understand how something
so poorly produced could have been released , but i put it down to one of those freak happenings in nature , like lightning you ca n't see it coming until it hits you .
Output: N
synopsis : big - breasted and dim - witted sculptress britt gets really mad at her grad student boyfriend because he spends too much time on his thought - transference experiments instead of her art showings .
elderly , evil scientist everett longstreet switches minds with britt 's boy , in the meantime , and goes completely mental .
comments : naked souls opens with a naked woman , and the movie makes no illusion that it 's a sci - fi vehicle designed to show pamela anderson 's , um , talents . if you are really interested in seeing anderson 's talents , however , i suggest you skip over this dud and watch the infamous pam and tommy lee honeymoon sex tape , now available on home video .
at least with that " movie , " you do n't have to go through the painful experience of watching pamela try to pronounce multiple syllable words like " eclectic .
"
a premise does exist in the movie .
basically , while anderson wears skimpy clothes which barely contain her talents , she practices her art -- brilliantly slapping plaster of paris on naked women .
her boyfriend , meanwhile , spends 20 hours a day in a morgue trying to view the memories of dead prison inmates because this will " make a difference to humanity .
" whatever .
the movie fails to explain how these two hooked up . be grateful .
after we meet the evil everett longstreet , lots of technobabble and mystical mumbo - jumbo
get tossed about , pammy has sex replete with cheesy make - out music , and minds get transferred .
never fear , though , pammy uses her sharp mental abilities ( ahem ) to save her boyfriend in the end .
unfortunately , no one saves the movie . avoid this would - be sci - fi thriller , unless you 're in for a good laugh or two .
Output: N