"
i would appreciate it if you did n't do that again .
" starring jet li , bridget fonda , tch ?
ky karyo
, burt kwouk .
directed by chris nahon .
rated r .
it 's no secret that martial arts film often use their plot simply to get from one action sequence to another .
when the fight scenes are enough to justify paying admission , there is no problem with this , as in most jackie chan projects and a lot of the hong kong actioners .
when they are n't , well , we 're in bad shape .
kiss of the dragon , jet li 's second consecutive american misfire , plays like one big miscalculation , and fails even as the most rudimentary entertainment .
now before i start getting e - mails angrily touting the genius of jet li , let me explain myself .
li is as spectacular as ever here , and i do n't think anyone would ever dare call his martial - arts - star skills into question .
the problem is n't with him , it 's with the movie 's tone .
the much touted fight - scenes here are filmed with such unflinching , unrelenting brutality that they are unpleasant to watch .
they 're joyless , perfuctory ; li 's rogue chinese detective is more of a killing machine than a hero , a terminator with a black belt instead of a metal skeleton .
but even the terminator in judgement day had a sympathetic side .
the plot is n't relevant , but if you 're curious ,
it 's some nonsense about a chinese law enforcement officer ( li ) sent to paris to investigate a possible drug ring and encounter a corrupt chief of police ( tcheky karyo ) , who kills people and does sinister things with no motivation whatsoever .
oh yeah ,
and li 's character is also an acupuncture expert who is able to ease pain and/or kill at the touch of a needle .
" kiss of the dragon " is the name of an acupuncture maneuver , in which you stick a needle in a precise location on the back of the victim 's neck , somehow redirecting all of the body 's bloodflow to the brain and killing the poor sap more or less immediately .
there 's a vague attempt to humanize li by having him fall in love with a downtrodden prostitute , whose daughter is being held hostage , for some reason , by the villain .
this is one of the worst love stories i have ever seen on screen , even worse than the one in pearl harbor .
there 's no conviction whatsoever as the movie barely pays lip service to it ; it 's only here because someone apparently thought there should be some kind of boy - meets - girl subplot .
kiss of the dragon was written by luc besson , whose screenplay the messenger : the story of joan of arc , for all of that film 's flaws , was at least thoughtful .
i do n't know why the guy got himself involved in this train wreck
,
but perhaps he wanted to so something more mainstream after the neverending weirdness of the fifth element and the aforementioned stylized biopic .
i suppose you could call this mainstream , but i 'll choose the bizarre any time of the day .
if action scenes in a movie are going to be brutal instead of dazzling , you need a story to justify watching them .
the filmmakers behind kiss of the dragon should have rethought their strategy .
no one will walk out of this misbegotten project smiling , but i hear rush hour 2 is coming in just a few weeks .
Output: N