niryuu/sni-each-converted huggingface dataset:
billy crystal reappears in yet another high concept comedy .
he tries to infuse some life into it , but it gets bogged down with sentimentality and a lack of sophistication .
sammy ( billy crystal ) is a struggling agent at the end of his ropes .
he 's separated from his wife , serena ( kathleen quinlan ) , and down to his last serious client .
. . in a low - budget film shooting in romania .
but in a turn of bad luck , sammy wrecks his car . . .
only to be mysteriously saved by a giant ( gheorghe muresan ) .
but this giant has a heart of gold .
he leads a solitary life , helping out the monks at a local monastery .
his only longing is for his long lost love , lilianna ( joanna pacula ) , who has since moved to america .
sammy , seeing a golden ticket , convinces max to become an actor ( represented by sammy , of course ) , and come back to america .
and so sam and max bounce from pathetic job to pathetic job , with sammy dangling a meeting with lilianna as a carrot before max 's nose .
but slowly sammy 's deceptions begin to haunt him .
but will he develop a conscience before the innocent max becomes disillusioned .
the humor in my giant is n't the world 's greatest .
mostly , it falls under the category of " boy . . .
he 's so big ! " , and that can only go so far , no matter how hard the talent tries
.
still , its slightly amusing parts are longed for when the movie gets bogged down in sappy moments .
the film 's best moment
( and that 's not saying much ) is a bit part by steven seagal , playing himself .
between executive decision and this , all of seagal 's best roles have been cameos .
maybe he should consider a change of work : steven seagal , the character actor !
gheorghe muresan is n't a natural actor at all , and his thick cotton - mouthed accent certainly does n't help
.
in fact the only thing he adds to the role is his immense stature .
originally , the concept was designed several years ago for andre the giant .
andre also had a hefty accent , but he displayed a knack for comedy in the princess bride .
. .
something muresan should have studied for some pointers .
why does billy crystal continually get caught in these pathetic comedies ?
he 's proven that he can be much funnier than these formulaic films
allow him to be , and yet , like a glutton for punishment , he keeps coming back .
that does n't mean we have to .
Output: N
movies can do the two big es very well : educate and entertain .
in the best of all possible worlds , they accomplish both .
on the red planet , they fail entirely .
in the near future , a manned mission is sent to mars to observe primitive plant growth .
this film does a remarkable job of demonstrating exactly how exciting watching algae grow would be .
after some mumbo - jumbo about an ecological disaster on earth and an interminable wait to reach the fourth planet , the ship falls apart almost as fast as the movie does .
the ground crew of people
you could n't care less about
is trapped on the surface without food , water or air and stalked by a deadly rogue cyberdog .
the one potentially interesting character ( carrie - anne moss ) spends her time alone in the orbiting ship talking to a computer .
attempting to graft " 2001 " esque space mysticism with " terminator " robot horror , first time director antony hoffman ca n't seem to figure out what 's going on .
neither
can we .
did n't he have anyone who could step back from the shooting and make sure there was a coherent story ?
could n't he have used the money saved by only having to pay half a dozen actors to hire a scriptwriter ?
there are so many mis - steps .
every opportunity to create dynamic tension is thwarted by plot holes and lackluster direction .
why introduce the theme of faith vs .
science if the crewman who could comment on it disappears early only to die
_
offscreen _ ?
the audience begins the film waiting for something to happen .
two hours later , they 're still waiting .
despite our greatest hopes , there is no life on the red planet .
Output: N
in this re - make of the 1954 japanese monster film , godzilla is transformed into a " jurassic park " copy who swims from the south pacific to new york for no real reason and trashes the town .
although some of the destruction is entertaining for a while ,
it gets old fast .
the film often makes no sense ( a several - hundred foot tall beast hides in subway tunnels ) , sports second - rate effects ( the baby godzillas seem to be one computer effect multiplied on the screen ) , lame jokes
( mayor ebert and his assistant gene are never funny )
, horrendous acting
( even matthew broderick is dull ) and an unbelievable love story ( why would anyone want to get back together with maria pitillo 's character ? ) .
there are other elements of the film that fall flat , but going on would just be a waste of good words .
only for die - hard creature feature fans , this might be fun if you could check your brain at the door .
i could n't .
( michael redman has written this column for 23 years and has seldom had a more disorienting cinematic experience than seeing both " fear and loathing " and " godzilla " in the same evening . )
Output: N
everyone knows that old rule , ' never work with children and animals . ' in this latest horror flick mimic case , it 's ' never work with children and genetically enhanced killer animals ' instead , as mimic features both of these and succeeds in doing nothing except mildly engaging the audience .
the film begins in new york , where we see children dying from a mysterious disease , which is being carried by cockroaches .
dr .
susan tyler ( sorvino ) creates a genetically enhanced bug ( the ' judas ' breed ) , however , which is designed to kill all cockroaches .
the bug
does it 's job , the cockroaches all die , and the terror is gone . ' three years later ' appears on the screen , and we discover that the judas breed is back , bigger than ever , and ready to kill .
the spin on this bug , however , is that it can mimic it 's predator , and in this case . . . .
it 's humans .
that should teach us for squishing all those bugs .
what should be a roller coaster ride with bugs everywhere , tons of gory deaths and some massive set pieces instead turns out to be a rather subdued , almost boring movie which plods along at a very slow pace .
perhaps the movie was trying to be thought provoking , and trying to avoid the ' predator ' type movie it could easily have become .
if it is , then the director and writers have made the wrong move , because this is perfectly suited to be an all out action fest .
the director , who bought us cronos , a far superior film , directs the film in a calm , and frankly dull movie .
there are few exciting sequences , instead just a lot of people talking .
if the dialogue was intelligent , then it would be all right , but it 's sadly babbling nonsense
.
in fact , the script is embarrsingly weak , and the characterizations not much better .
sorvino and company are as 2d as characters come , with the script not bothering to develop them .
there is some action in this film , but it 's directed in such an annoying way , it 's just infuriating to watch .
the camera cuts all over the place , disoreitating the audience , and instead of involving the audience in the action , it merely alienates them .
the peformances are o .
k , if slightly below average .
sorvino is o .
k , although she 's not very good at conveying terror , or anything emotion really .
the supporting cast are all sterotypes , with characters such as a big black security guard with a foul mouth , a geeky scientist with spectacles , and what could be the most stereotypical mexican ' old timer ' ever .
their reasonable good fun , however .
mimic , then , may fail with it 's story , pacing and characters , but the film does look good .
like dark city , mimic is a definite case of style of content .
it may be a bit too gloomy for
it 's own good ,
but the sets look nice , and parts of the film are directed well .
but looks are n't good enough to save mimic from the depths of mediocre , somewhere where it should n't really belong .
a good opportunity , then , wasted .
a shame .
overall rating= review by david wilcock ?
1998
Output: N
it 's tough to be an aspiring superhero in champion city .
just ask mr .
furious ( ben stiller ) , the blue raja ( hank azaria ) , and the shoveler ( william h . macy ) .
they 're trying to break into the biz , but captain amazing ( greg kinnear ) , the city 's hero numero uno , hogs all the action .
the good captain has his own problems .
because he 's all but eliminated crime , amazing 's endorsement deals are falling through .
the public craves a major slugfest , so amazing engineers the parole of his one - time arch enemy casanova frankenstein ( geoffrey rush ) .
frankenstein succeeds beyond expectations ; he captures capt .
amazing before setting out on his scheme to destroy the city .
so , no one is left to save the day but our would - be superheroes , but their abilities are more " little league " than " justice league .
"
the raja hurls forks at foes , the shoveler hits them with a shovel , and mr .
furious just yells at people ( stiller is doing essentially the same character he played in a guest appearance on " friends " ) .
after a painful first strike , the guys hold auditions for teammates and add the bowler ( janeane garofalo ) , who carries her dead father 's skull in her bowling ball ; invisible boy ( kel mitchell ) , who can only use his powers when no one is looking at him ; the spleen ( paul reubens ) , who blows devastating winds from his rear ; and the sphinx ( wes studi ) , a mysterious figure who will teach them to fight .
" mystery men " boasts one of the most talented and eclectic casts ever assembled .
in addition to those already mentioned , the credits include lena olin as frankenstein 's evil shrink , comedian eddie izzard and the fugees ' prakazrel michel as disco - themed thugs , singer tom waits as an inventor of superhero weapons , artie lange ( from " mad tv " ) as another thug , claire forlani ( from " meet joe black " ) as a waitress mr .
furious is pursuing , louise lasser ( from " mary hartman , mary hartman " ) as the blue raja 's mother , and actor / magician ricky jay as capt .
amazing 's manager .
the cast includes four oscar - nominated actors !
when i saw the list of players early last year , i figured the result would be a can't - miss comedy .
yet , i must report disappointment .
the script is probably the worst of 1999 .
nearly every joke misfires .
the stabs at comic books are too obvious to be funny .
( for example , no one can recognize capt .
amazing in his secret identity because he 's wearing glasses . )
the fart jokes surrounding the spleen are surprisingly the only gags that work .
the cast tries hard , especially hank azaria , whose character adopts an effete british accent while in costume , but the script is just too lame to run .
Output: N
carry on at your convenience is all about the goings - on in the factory of a toilet manufacturer , wc boggs ( kenneth williams ) .
once they have won an order to manufacture 1000 bidets in two months and charles coote ( charles hawtrey ) has designed a suitable model , the factory employees set to work but are interrupted by union representative vic spanner ( kenneth cope ) and friend bernie hulke ( bernard bresslaw ) who call them out on strikes on the slightest pretext .
meanwhile , chief foreman sid plummer ( sid james ) is growing tired of his wife beattie ( hattie jacques ) and her budgie .
he would much rather live next door with fellow boggs worker chloe moore ( joan sims )
but once he discovers that the budgie can predict the winners of horse races , he is over the moon and flush with money .
his daughter , myrtle plummer ( jacki piper ) , is going out with wc 's son lewis boggs ( richard o'callaghan ) and this causes conflict on the staff day out to the seaside when vic spanner vies for her attentions .
in the end , if the strike does not cease , boggs will have to close down his factory , but the support of a group of women led by coote 's wife - to - be and spanner 's mother , agatha spanner ( renee houston ) , try to resolve the situation .
also , sid realises that his budgie has caused him nothing but trouble since it started predicting horse race winners .
there are some good performances , as usual , from sid james and kenneth williams in their standard roles .
charles hawtrey is third billing but only appears in a few scenes .
his part is mildly amusing .
richard o'callaghan is appealing as bogg 's stuck - up son , patsy rowlands is funny as miss withering , bogg 's assistant , and renee houston is terrific in her small part as agatha .
however , sole acting honours go to hattie jacques as beattie plummer .
although her character is not directly involved with the main storyline , she manages to input a great deal of pathos and feeling into her character .
a marvellous performance from a marvellous actress .
the film suffers from annoying performances by bernard bresslaw and especially kenneth cope .
in his carry on debut , cope
overdoes his role as spanner making him so annoying as to be unfunny .
joan sims returns as the love interest ( instead of barbara windsor ) .
sims ' ' usual ' part as the downtrodden wife was taken by hattie jacques .
additionally , bill maynard as fred moore is very poor .
this carry on movie tries it best to entertain the viewer : - the locations and wealth of characters are appealing . however ,
the toilet humour becomes tiresome very quickly and some of the performances leave a lot to be desired .
this movie does not know where it is going .
it was made in 1971 and talbot rothwell the scriptwriter seems to be in two minds whether to go for ' bluer ' jokes or to maintain the ' innocent ' jokes success of most of its predecessors .
that is why this film suffers .
a minor carry on film whose major asset is the performance by hattie jacques .
the new ' minor - regulars ' such as o'callaghan and piper are not able to enliven the movie and the toilet humour becomes humourless after a while .
Output: N
tomb raider .
fun ?
exciting ?
challenging ?
given the unprecedented popularity ( especially among teenage boys ) of the video game that sports an uber - buff , pistol packin ' babe who raids , well .
. .
tombs , you have to believe it 's these three things and more !
"
lara croft : tomb raider , " the big screen variant of said video game , which features a pumped - up angelina jolie ( the oscar ? winner for " girl , interrupted " no less ) in the title role is , however , none of these things .
it is n't fun , it is n't exciting , and the only challenge is seeing how long you can stay in your seat
( i suffered through to the bitter , bitter end ; the wife opted for barnes & noble at the 45-minute mark ) .
directed by simon west with the same subtlety he brought to " con air , " " tomb raider " is an empty - headed , big budget bore .
the story borrows unintelligently from that mother of all turkeys " hudson hawk " ( the same hokum about planetary alignments and sacred stones that , when brought together , well . . . who the heck cares ? ) and it makes " super mario bros .
"
( bob hoskins ' ill - advised career move ) look like " rocco and his brothers " ( that classic of italian neo - realism ) .
i 'll go out on a limb here and say i suspect there 's actually more character development in the video game than the movie proper .
this is where the jolie defenders / video game nuts jump in and say this movie is n't about character development
it 's about kicking serious butt ( or bum , since ms .
croft hails from england 's green and pleasant ) .
with lips , breasts , and biceps all inflated to the max , lara croft is all about posturing , and jolie has a hard time simply standing still without trying to look tough .
ok , let 's forget challenging .
should n't " tomb raider " be , at the very least , fun and exciting ?
should n't our butt - kicking heroine also encompass the sophistication of , say , james bond with the wit of indiana jones ?
there 's no humor to be found anywhere in " tomb raider , " even though it tries hard from time to time .
even " the mummy returns " did n't take itself too seriously .
the villain here is noticeably lacking , the special effects are ridiculously overblown and unnecessarily complicated , and the script is non - existent .
to liven things up ( perhaps ) , jolie 's live father jon voight puts in a few minutes as lara 's dead father lord croft ; talk about a stretch .
one thing i had n't expected from the film is that jolie affects a slightly better english accent than her pa ( although i suspect that thin - looking moustache he 's forced to wear gets in the way some ) .
unsuccessful ?
not entirely .
if anything , " lara croft : tomb raider " makes you want to check out the video game itself to figure out exactly what all the fuss was about .
Output: N
walt disney studios may have finally met its match with the lush animation in twentieth century fox 's anastasia .
but judging by the latest efforts from the don bluth studios , the visuals are
the only thing fox has to brag about .
disney 's recent classics have occasionally stretched credibility in such films as pocahontas , the hunchback of notre dame , and to a lesser extent , hercules .
with anastasia , fox has gone so far as to throw all facts completely out the window .
some may say - so what ?
it 's just a kid 's movie .
well .
. .
if you have young kids , beware , as they may be noticeably frightened by the visuals of a corpse - rotting rasputin zombie , whose body parts continually fall off in a disconcertingly real way .
consider yourselves warned .
nevertheless , the animation is quite stunning at times .
don bluth has used computer animation extensively throughout , occasionally rivalling photographic quality .
and yet in other scenes , the hand - drawn material seems of the saturday - morning tv crowd , which leads me to wonder .
. .
was this rushed to market to combat disney ?
the plot , as anyone who had read history before knows , concerns the attempt to return anastasia to her royal family after she was lost in the overthrow of the romanovs in 1916 .
not that anastasia is much concerned with what really happened .
as for the plot --- go rent disney 's candleshoe .
you 'll see 60 % of anastasia there .
Output: N
because no one demanded it :
david duchovny in a romantic comedy !
at last , both his romantic magnetism and his comedic brilliance are mined for all their resources !
the choice of duchovny may have something to do with the plot , which could be fodder for a valentine 's day episode of " the x - files .
"
bob rueland ( david duchovny ) loses his wife elizabeth ( joely richardson ) in a car accident .
at the same time , grace briggs ( minnie driver ) is in the hospital , waiting for a heart transplant .
grace gets elizabeth 's heart , and it leads her to bob .
it 's the romantic equivalent of all those horror films where someone gets a transplant from a serial killer and then is driven to slaughter people .
four writers are credited with contributing to the story .
that does n't seem possible .
despite being a solid two hours long , " return to me " adds little to
the " boy meets girl / boy loses girl " formula and , as a result , is terribly tedious and slow - moving .
duchovny and driver seem unable to generate any sparks , and
i kept wishing for a fast - forward button to move their scenes along .
since driver has managed to work well in romantic roles before , i blame duchovny .
he 's out of his element without the manufactured and static sexual tension of his tv series ( and i 've always thought that the relationship between mulder and scully on " the x - files " comes off more sibling - like than hot - and - bothered ) .
there 's something about duchovny that
makes me uneasy .
regardless of the role he 's playing , he comes off as a weirdo .
the only redeeming quality of " return to me " is its hilarious supporting cast .
the circle of friends and relatives around bob and grace is constantly playing matchmaker , and they generate the only laughs in the movie .
carroll o'connor is grace 's grandfather marty o'reilly .
when bob comes into marty 's restaurant after hours , marty immediately begins quizzing bob about his marital status .
when marty discovers that bob is a widower , he invites bob to join his poker game and introduces him with the declaration , " this is bob !
his wife is dead !
" the poker buddies are just as desperate to find a mate for grace and greet bob enthusiastically when they hear the news .
also funny : bonnie hunt as grace 's best friend megan and james belushi as megan 's husband joe .
married with children , megan and joe provide a useful counterpoint by showing the mundane results of romance .
although it 's rare to see him in a movie that premieres in a theater , belushi delivers his lines with great comic skill .
rounding out the impressive supporting cast are david alan grier as bob 's best friend and robert loggia as marty 's brother - in - law angelo .
in only the lead actors lived up to the standards set by the rest of the cast .
bottom line : if you are compelled to see this movie , watch it on video
so you can fast - forward
to scenes with carroll o'connor and james belushi .
Output: N
i 'm not sure if silvio horta wrote urban legend before or after the success of scream , but i 'm guessing after just because it seems he may not have had time to write a second draft .
seriously , this idea -- a psycho bumping off people in the style of urban legends -- is a great one and i wish it could have been pulled off .
the first sign of trouble comes with the painfully insipid dialogue .
an example : " that [ car crash ] must 've been awful . . .
for everyone involved .
"
you can tell that the writer intended that something a little more airy was supposed to have been said , just no one figured out what .
i know in slasher movies there is n't supposed to be a lot of great characterization
and i myself do n't mind
cardboard cutouts , but please do n't let the cutouts be so damn bland .
one reason movies like scream , star wars and diva have become so treasured is because they feature charismatic actors playing interesting characters .
aside from jared leto and joshua jackson ( who are n't on the screen long enough )
no one in urban legend makes the grade .
alicia witt shows none of the acerbity or wit
she displayed on cybill , rebecca gayheart
actually looks unattractive ( not to mention as dumb as a post through 3/4 of the film ) and robert englund
just cruises on auto pilot .
good thing brad dourif is here , but wait .
. .
he 's only in the movie for five minutes
_
and _ he 's just redoing his good - natured stuttering character from one flew over the cuckoo 's nest .
which brings me to another aspect of urban legend
: it 's unoriginality .
the film most blatantly ripped off is scream ( another reason that makes me think silvio horta wrote this after craven 's and williamson 's great success ) .
urban legend tries to deconstruct modern - day folklore much the same way scream deconstructed slasher films , but it does n't quite succeed
.
it 's best stab at self - reflexivity is poking fun at " that girl in the noxzeema ad " ( ie , rebecca gayheart ) we also have another killer - taunting - his - victim - on - the - phone routine in urban legend and quick , what movie is this exchange of dialogue from : female protagonist : why ?
villain :
why ? why ? ! ?
congratulations to those of you who answered scream and/or urban legend .
like i said , this movie could 've been great .
if only silvio had worked or been allowed to work a little longer on the script .
still , at least urban legend had some pretty cool death scenes and a somewhat realized whodunit angle which makes this slasher is waaaayyyyyy better than i know what you did last summer .
Output: N
let me begin by saying that this is easily the worst movie in the entire official ( and even unofficial ) james bond series .
it is so full of self - parody and silly characters that you would almost believe you were watching a spoof .
an omen of what is to come is provided by the pre - credits sequence , a dull affair featuring a confrontation between a man ( it 's difficult to give a better description since no mention of him is made elsewhere in the movie ) and the assassin of the title .
a song with woefully terrible lyrics follows , and the rest of the movie is even worse .
the plot might have been a pleasant change from the usual rule - the - world so often found in the james bond movies of the 70s , but here we get a confused mismash about a fabled assassin , francisco scaramanga ( christopher lee , putting in a performance which is one of the rare saving graces of this movie ) who someone has apparently payed one million dollars to in order to remove roger moore 's 007 .
there is also a flimsy connection with the energy crisis and a missing solar cell with 95 % efficiency .
it 's as much of a mess as it sounds .
bond is " helped " in his task by mary goodnight ( ekland ) , whose character could n't possibly be any closer to the stereotypical bimbo .
during the course of the movie she gets locked in both a closet and a car trunk , blunders around a control room accidentally setting off a laser and serves no purpose in enhancing the plot whatsoever . maud adams ( later to star in octopussy ) is a much more stronger and useful character , but she hardly features in the movie .
scaramanga 's lackey is a dwarf called nik - nak , who rather fittingly is also possibly the silliest henchman in the series , serving up annoyance and weak dialogue in equal measures .
worse still is an almost total lack of action throughout the whole movie .
there is but one fight sequence about fifteen minutes in ( not counting a ludicrous scene where two teenage girls beat up several dozen trained martial artists -- another misguided attempt at humour ) .
the solitary car chase might have been a highlight , but the " action " is interrupted on a frequent basis by a redneck sheriff ( j . w . pepper , played by clifton james of live and let die " fame " ) yelling stupid comments out of the passenger window .
he is easily the most irritating character in a james bond movie .
even his presence could have been made bearable by one of the most impressive car stunts in cinematic history , a 360 degree twisting loop jump over a broken bridge -- could have been , except somebody got the idea to dub a mocking whistle tone over the final print . on top of that debacle , the whole end of the film is an anticlimatic sequence in scaramanga 's " funhouse " .
the only good thing that came out of this movie was that the producers had to make the next film in the series ( the infinitely superior " the spy who loved me " ) a great film in order for the bond franchise to survive .
Output: N
this movie is based off the wildly popular video - game series of the same name .
before this film , the game had a few spin - off cartoons-
which were ok .
but the idea of doing a movie is insane .
it should have been animated , if it should have been done at all .
instead the people do the best they can with a talented cast .
yet it still fails .
the plot is completely different from the game 's plot-
i 'm not complaining about that .
the story involves the mario bros .
having a plumbing business in brooklyn and having to compete with a rival company .
eventually they find a construction site by their nemesis , which happens to be enviromentally un - safe .
so , due to luigi 's ( john leguizamo ) girlfriend - princess daisy - they go and investigate .
they get transported to a blade runner - esque world lead by king koopa ( dennis hopper ) .
somehow a plot dealing with all the dinosaurs being mutated and transported to an alternate futuristic mega - city jumbles in .
the plot is fine- better than the movie deserves .
the acting is ok .
this seems to be more of a visual film .
the special effects are good , especially on the robotic yoshi .
however the film drags and is no fun .
and it leaves itself open to a sequel , which probably wo n't ever be made .
this movie begins sort of promising , but ends up leaving a weird taste in your mouth .
so if you want to watch a sort of odd movie starring the excellent dennis hopper , then watch super mario bros .
: the movie .
you could do worse .
but you could definitely do better . . .
Output: N
in the past , tim burton has taken cinema by storm with the action packed batman , and the hilarious ed wood , but lately his films just do n't cut it .
sleepy hollow has some unique features , but the script is a terrible mess
.
for those who remember disney 's fantastic " adventures of ichabod crane " , it is actually superior to this .
disney 's version was at least interesting , while burton 's film drags on far too long , without any suspense or frights .
while the stories are similar , the new version adds too much to the once likable story , and throws in some weak dialogue to top it off .
ichabod crane ( johnny depp ) is now apparently a constable , who was sent to new york to investigate suspicious murders .
the victims are headless , and no traces of evidence were found , until the murderer reveals himself , hence the headless horseman .
now with the help of christina ricci and an orphaned boy , they must stop the headless horseman from a killing spree , that could destroy the whole town of sleepy hollow .
sure the headless horseman is an intriguing character , but the story has so many holes that even he nor depp can save this disaster
.
in the original , the headless horseman was meant to be unstoppable .
no one could stop him , not even ichabod .
by the end of the film , it had audiences in deep thought .
burton however concentrates far too much on the atmosphere , and how to make the main characters heroes .
he takes no risk what so ever , and this is where he fails .
another pathetic element of the film was the script .
like i said earlier , he just stuffed too much in at one time , and made it look real sloppy , kind of like the mess
the headless horseman made with his victims .
he completely butchered the story to pieces .
thankfully there are a few factors that i particularly liked .
the acting by depp was quite notable .
he took the nerdy character of the cartoon , and simply acted it out in a better manner .
if it was n't for his quirky one - liners , i doubt i could have remained awake , because quite frankly i was getting sleepy
.
just when i thought christina ricci was getting to be a good actress , she winds up doing this .
it just goes to show no actress or actor can pass up a big blockbuster .
it 's too tempting to let go , even if the script is mush .
the atmosphere too was quite involving .
i should have just gazed at the sets , and the eerie fog , rather than actually pay attention to what was going on .
at least burton 's films are eye candy , even if they are trash .
the only real scenes of value were the tree full of heads , and the fight between the horseman , depp and casper van dien .
other than that ,
i wish i could just fast forward through all the gaping holes in the film , and just sit back and stare at the scenery .
by the end , i can only think back and laugh at how bad sleepy hollow developed .
this is the biggest disappointment of the year , especially when such a talented director like burton handles a project like this .
do n't waste your time or money , because your head will feel hollow .
Output: N
i wish more films would take on issues of faith and morality in the modern world .
and i wish that film - makers would use commandments as a blueprint on how _ not _ to do it .
writer / director daniel taplitz has created a bizarre conglomeration of satire and soul - searching in this tale of seth warner ( aidan quinn ) , a man of faith who runs into a streak of bad luck which usually inspires country - western lyrics : his pregnant wife drowns , his home is destroyed by a tornado , he loses his job and his dog is crippled by a bolt of lightning .
convinced that god has broken his half of the covenant , seth decides to break his , and sets out to turn every " thou shalt not " of the ten commandments into a " thou shalt " ( and vice versa ) .
his wife 's sister rachel ( " friends " ' courteney cox ) wants to help seth ; rachel 's selfish husband harry ( anthony lapaglia ) , who tends to break a few commandments of his own , thinks seth is a lunatic .
thus begins a film which picks the wrong tone for every occasion .
taplitz is n't interested in treating seth 's tragedies as genuinely tragic , making it impossible to sympathize with him .
composer joseph vitarelli provides a score full of whimsical woodwinds , turning seth 's sacrilegious mission into an amusing lark ; quinn 's performance as seth is all wild - eyed fervor without any genuine pain .
the actual breaking of the commandments is almost treated as an afterthought , with one through five dispatched in a five - minute montage .
the result is a character whose actions feel less like the authentic responses of an anguished man than the machinations of a high - concept movie plot .
it 's not even entirely clear that commandments is about seth .
corporate attorney rachel is given a case which is supposed to soften a hard heart we see no indication she has , while harry gets his comeuppance as part of seth 's " false witness .
"
only courteney cox strikes a note of reality in a solid performance ; she is sane center around which too equally troubled men revolve .
even she ca n't force taplitz to decide whose story this is , or what we should have learned about dealing with the struggles in our lives and our relationship with the infinite .
by the time seth makes a singularly biblical reappearance late in the film , it has become clear that taplitz is aiming for a fantastical fable which makes no connection with real human experience .
commandments is a bad comedy which could have been a decent drama if daniel taplitz had had the guts to take faith -- and the loss thereof -- at all seriously .
Output: N
capsule : a wild jungle woman and an 11-story gorilla are discovered in tibet and taken to hong kong where the gorilla escapes and causes havoc .
this is a laughable 1977 rip off of king kong ( 1976 ) , itself a rip - off .
production values are low and audiences seem to like the film mostly for derisive laughter
. ,
high -2 ( -4 to +4 )
- directed by ho meng - hua .
- this film is provided to be a sort of laughing stock to finish the festival .
- an earthquake uncovers an 11-story tall gorilla in the himalayas .
a hunter , chosen because he just broke up with his girl and is at loose ends , gets sent to find the ape and finds a sort of female tarzan who controls the ape .
- evelyne kraft is the jungle girl in a leather bikini that she is pasted into
so she always looks on the verge of bouncing out of .
- gorilla actor has no idea how gorillas move and suit is terrible . nice miniature effects , however .
- has almost a music video inside it of jungle girl playing with animals like chi - chi the leopard .
- several places there is narrative that is nearly incoherent as if there are missing scenes and the viewer has to guess what happened in the interim .
- actual location shooting in mysore .
ape shown badly matted behind temple . - combining of images usually pretty bad . incompetent matching of film stocks .
- stock footage frequently used .
- gorilla brought to hong kong by greedy entrepreneur who really abuses the ape before it escapes and tears things up real good .
Output: N
topless women talk about their lives falls into that category that i mentioned in the devil 's advocate : movies that have a brilliant beginning but do n't know how to end .
it begins by introducing us to a selection of characters who all know each other .
there is liz , who oversleeps and so is running late for her appointment , prue who is getting married , geoff , liz 's boyfriend , neil , her previous boyfriend , ant who has written a screenplay .
for the first hour , we get to know these people through everyday activities , as they talk on the phone , go out to dinner , hang clothes on the line .
the interactions seem so truthful and guileless that it is almost as if the film - makers hid cameras around the place and filmed these people unbeknownst to them . at times , the events border on the ridiculous , like the screening of the film , but they still seem in keeping with the characters and their lives .
this does n't sound like a brilliant premise for a film - " we just follow a lot of people around who are vaguely related " - but it 's the execution of the idea that makes topless women talk about their lives so engrossing .
unfortunately this level of honesty is n't maintained .
with about half an hour to go , a sense of impending doom invades topless women talk about their lives and from there is descends into melodrama .
such a disappointment
after such a brilliant start .
the actors are all quite good with ms .
danielle cormack as liz being particularly impressive .
the energy of her character is palpable and is a major reason the movie is so watchable .
a lot of the performances are a bit rough around the edges but this suits totally the documentary feel of the film .
it seems like these are real people we are watching rather than actors playing roles .
that is why the melodramatic turn of events comes as such a shock .
up till that point , i was transported to this world where these real but mildly insane events were taking place .
while the final half hour is not beyond the realms of possibility , it 's unlikely in a way that is jarring
to someone caught up in the world of the film .
not just the events , but also the tone of some of the end is wrong , clashing strongly with the sense of fun that has preceded it .
this is not to say that topless women talk about their lives is not a good film .
as stated above , the first hour is superb and even the end is above average .
it just takes a turn which means that an otherwise brilliant movie loses some of its gloss .
Output: N
beware of movies with the director 's name in the title .
take " john carpenter 's ghosts of mars " ( please ) .
if the carpenter brand name was n't superglued to the title , this embarrassment would surely have bypassed theaters entirely and gone straight to its proper home on the usa network .
and i would have been spared a headache .
the latest from the director of " starman , " " halloween " and " escape from new york " is a lousy western all gussied up to look like a futuristic horror flick .
the production is set on mars in 2176 , where humanity looks for relief from the overpopulation strangling their home world .
six hundred and forty thousand people in a matriarchal society live and work at outposts all over the red planet , terra - forming to make it more hospitable for future generations .
a matriarchal society .
terra - forming . sounds pretty intriguing , eh ?
well , do n't get your hopes up .
Output: N
august and september are a wasteland when it comes to children 's films , and october is a dumping ground for munchkin movies the studios do n't want to see slaughtered against family - oriented thanksgiving films .
last year , the benevolent studio gods gave us digimon , and this year , they bestow max keeble 's big move on delighted moviegoers across the country .
parents will be thrilled because they 'll finally have something to drag little austin and kayla to see that does n't smell nearly as much like ass as digimon did .
do n't get me wrong - keeble , which is actually only a " ment " away from being a fetish film , is n't that entertaining .
in fact , you 'd be better off waiting to blow your disposable income when the real kiddie pics ( monsters , inc . , harry potter ) come out next month .
but if dubya dubya iii tells you to go out and spend money to stimulate the economy
, then you 'd better do it ( because gassing up the minivan twice a week just is n't going to cut it ) .
we first see young max keeble ( alex d .
linz , home alone 3 ) as a pint - sized superhero , delivering newspapers with the pinpoint accuracy of a david beckham cross , foiling the diabolical plans of the evil ice cream man ( jamie kennedy , jay and silent bob strike back ) and landing the neighborhood honey ( brooke anne smith ) , who , by the way , is the hottest chick in a disney film since emmanuelle chriqui played claire boner in snow day .
the scenario is , of course , a dream .
max is really a doofus and he wakes up on his first day of junior high school with a pessimistic attitude , no luck with the ladies and only two friends , both of whom can kindly be described as social outcasts ( and who were both in snow day ) - the perpetually robed robe ( josh peck ) and a clarinet - playing cutie named megan ( summer catch 's zena grey ) , who harbors secret feelings for max .
things do n't get any better for max when he arrives at school .
he has to contend with , among other things , a red - hot science teacher ( amber valletta , family man ) , a pair of polar - opposite bullies ( noel fisher and orlando brown ) , and an illiterate principal ( larry miller , the princess diaries ) who 's secretly diverting the school 's last dime into the football program .
when max 's father ( grownup nerd robert carradine ) unexpectedly announces the family is moving to a new town at the end of the week , max decides this is the perfect time to exact revenge on everyone who pisses him off .
whoa - do n't worry , parents .
he does n't do it klebold - harris style .
it 's all pretty tame stuff , but max ends up in hot water when dad nixes the move , leaving his son dangling in the wind like so many tampon strings .
director tim hill ( muppets from space ) adds a few nice touches , like max 's voiceover character introductions for the film 's main characters and a flashback scene that 's pretty funny ,
but there is n't too much else happening here stylewise . . . unless you count some farting , a little puking , and a couple of bizarre cameos from tony hawk and
lil ' romeo .
1 : 30 - pg for some bullying and crude humor
Output: N
there is a rule when it comes to movies .
a sequel is never as good as the original .
there are very few exceptions to this rule , and texas chainsaw massacre : the next generation is not one of them .
now if you also take into consideration that the original chainsaw massacre was a really bad movie , and that this is n't even the first sequel to it ,
you have a recipe for a very painful viewing experience .
do n't be fooled by the presence of up and coming talents
matthew mcconaughey ( a time to kill ) and renee zellweger ( jerry maguire ) .
they made this movie before they were stars .
judging by their performances they also made it before they took any acting lessons .
it 's a wonder they ever worked in hollywood again after appearing in this turkey .
apparently the producers of this film realized just how bad it was , because it sat unreleased for years until someone decided that they might be able to capitalize off the success of mcconaughey and zellweger .
apparently the two young stars were none too happy about this thing ever seeing the light of day .
and i do n't blame them , they would have been better off if this had been some sort of porno flick starring the two of them .
unfortunately for them
it is a horror film in which zellweger plays your typically stupid horror film character . while mcconaughey plays a guy who wears a mechanical brace on his leg that he controls with a television remote control .
( hey , do n't say i did n't warn you . ) to make matters worse
, leatherface , the chainsaw wielding maniac , who was never the scariest of psychopathic killers at the best of times , has now become a full blown cross - dresser , and spends the entire movie in drag .
there is a plot to this movie but
it is n't worth mentioning .
let 's just suffice to say that a group of teenagers are in the typical wrong place at the wrong time and are left to the mercy of remote control man ( mcconaughey ) and his lipstick wearing chainsaw revving half - witted sidekick .
man , i ca n't get over just how bad this movie is .
this film has absolutely no redeeming qualities .
even the obligatory topless babe shot was n't enough to hold my interest for more than 2 seconds .
the writing is bad , the direction is even worse , but both of those things look good in comparison to the acting .
this is the sort of movie that they should make people in prison watch .
a guarantee you , if criminals thought that they would be subjected to this film they would never break the law again .
Output: N
depending on who you ask , the original sin was either the eating of the apple , the act of disobedience against god , or the act of betrayal .
but in case you did n't know this , do n't bother remembering it . . .
the words " original sin " never come up in the movie of the same name , let alone the concept of it .
the closest the film even gets to catholicism is in its narrative ( the story is told by angelina jolie to her priest while on death row in cuba , circa 1900 ) .
regardless of its senseless title , original sin does actually have a plot ( albeit
one of the most mangled acts of screenwriting
since the art of war , based on the book waltz across darkness ) .
boy ( antionio banderas ) places personal ad sometime around 1900 , searching for a wife .
since this is a century ago , we narrowly dodge a remake of green card , only to find that the girl ( jolie ) faked her photo and is actually beautiful .
skipping a few moderately useless sex scenes ( getting the question out of the way , yes , we get to see angelina jolie 's breasts again ) , the girl turns out to be a con artist , swindles boy for his money , and heads for the hills .
original sin then briefly tries to be a thriller .
we see boy go whore - chasing , saying he wants to find girl and kill her .
but as soon as boy actually finds girl , instead of following what might have been
a promising ( or at least not completely fucking boring ) thriller , the film degenerates into the worst dissection of the virgin / whore complex since milk money .
girl toys with the idea of reforming her con - girl past , all the while avoiding the " other man , " a lover that keeps making her start these scams in the first place . add insult to injury with some of the worst stylistic choices in cinematic history ( literally half of the film is either in slow motion or uses a strobe effect ) , and acting roughly the caliber of a b . b . gun , and original sin is one of the most torturous films of the summer , definitely front running to make my bottom ten of the year .
do n't even bother with original sin , but if you do go , be honest with yourself and admit its pure sex appeal .
just keep in mind that although this film may not be the most original on the block , it 's much worse than a sin .
this is sacrilege .
Output: N