Fact1: Beer League is comedy about Artie DeVanzo unemployed town drunk, Fact2: Artie DeVanzo unemployed town drunk plays softball with Maz and Johnny for Ed 's Bar and Swill, Fact3: whichever team loses is out for good, Fact4: Artie never hold job or girlfriend for very long, Fact5: Dirt collapses from heart attack at practice in days leading up to championship
Output: Beer League is a comedy about Artie DeVanzo Artie Lange, an unemployed town drunk who plays softball with his buddies Maz Ralph Macchio and Johnny Jimmy Palumbo for Eds Bar and Swill. Their archrival is Manganelli Fitness, led by Dennis Manganelli Anthony DeSando. After the teams brawl during the first game of the year, the towns police chief decides whichever team finishes best in the league that season can still play in the league, and whichever team loses is out for good. Artie lives at home with his mother Laurie Metcalf and can never hold a job or a girlfriend for very long. After a night out with his pals, he ends up at a diner for late night food, where he sees old flame Linda Salvo Cara Buono out with her friends. Artie abandons his friends and starts some small talk with Linda, which results in a onenight stand. At first Linda is disgusted and annoyed that she let herself fall into another meaningless encounter, but Artie decides to actually try to attempt a more meaningful relationship with her. The Eds team, traditionally a league doormat, decides to actually practice in an attempt to beat out Manganelli and stay in the league. The regular season is highlighted by Mazs bachelor party and wedding, and Johnnys attempt to bat.700 for the year. The team charges up the standings to qualify for the championship game against the fourtime defending champions from Manganelli Fitness. However, Dirt, Eds Bar and Swills team pitcher, collapses and dies from a heart attack at practice in the days leading up to the championship. After the funeral, the rest of the team drinks heavily in homage to Dirt before they play in the championship game scheduled for that afternoon. Manganellis team quickly builds a 10–0 lead over their inebriated opponents, and that remains the score heading into the final inning of the game. After two outs, the season rests on Arties shoulders. Artie proceeds to launch a Manganelli pitch over the fence in left field for a solo home run, an incredibly rare feat that nobody in the league has done since 89. That shot only makes the score 10–1, but Eds Bar and Swill comes to life and bats around the lineup in the inning, bringing Artie back to the plate, now with the bases loaded and the score 10–6, though still with two outs. Artie hits the ball to right field, where nobody is stationed because Manganelli has his fielders playing the DeVanzo Shift; completely deadpull. All three baserunners come home, and as the ball is thrown away, Artie races home in an attempt to tie the score. He and Manganelli have a collision at the plate, but Manganelli hangs on to the ball for the final out and a 10–9 victory. After the game ends, however, Artie keeps his vow of not letting Manganelli have the championship trophy, stealing it during the postgame awards ceremony and driving off down Route 3 past Giants Stadium, heading for the Jersey Shore with Linda, talking about other leagues in other towns and how he can still play in them.