Fact1: sweet and eccentric old widow lives in gradually subsiding lopsided house built over entrance to railway tunnel in Kings Cross, Fact2: group is amateur string quintet using rooms for rehearsal space, Fact3: gang members play recording of Boccherini 's Minuet during planning sessions, Fact4: Major falls off roof of house after being chased by Louis, Fact5: Harry has killed Mrs. W after having change of heart
Output: Mrs Wilberforce is a sweet and eccentric old widow who lives alone with her raucous parrots in a gradually subsiding lopsided house, built over the entrance to a railway tunnel in Kings Cross, London. With nothing to occupy her time and an active imagination, she is a frequent visitor to the local police station where she reports fanciful suspicions regarding neighbourhood activities. Having led wildgoose chases in the past, she is humoured by the officers there who give her reports no credence whatsoever. She is approached by an archly sinister character, Professor Marcus, who wants to rent rooms in her house. She is not aware that he has assembled a gang of hardened criminals for a sophisticated security van robbery at London Kings Cross railway station: the gentlemanly and easily fooled conman Major Claude Courtney; the comedic Cockney spiv Harry Robinson; the slowwitted and punch drunk exboxer OneRound Lawson; and the murderous, cruel and vicious continental gangster Louis Harvey. As a cover, the Professor convinces the naive Mrs. Wilberforce that the group is an amateur string quintet using the rooms for rehearsal space. To maintain the deception, the gang members carry musical instruments and play a recording of Boccherinis Minuet 3rd movement from String Quintet in E, Op. 11 No. 5 during their planning sessions. After the heist, Mrs. W is deceived into retrieving the disguised money from the railway station herself. This she successfully manages to do but not without serious complications owing to her tendency to righteous meddling. As the gang departs her house with the loot, OneRound accidentally gets his cello case full of banknotes trapped in the front door. As he pulls the case free, banknotes spill forth while Mrs. Wilberforce looks on. Finally, smelling a rat, she informs Marcus that she is going to the police. Stalling, the gangsters half convince Mrs. W that she will surely be considered an accomplice for holding the lolly slang for cash. In any case, they assert, it is a victimless crime as insurance will cover all the losses and the police will probably not even accept the money back. She wavers but when she rallies the criminals finally decide they must kill her. No one wants to do it so they draw lots using matchsticks. The Major loses but tries to make a run for it with the cash. As the oblivious Mrs. W dozes, the criminals cross, doublecross and manage to kill one another in rapid succession. The Major falls off the roof of the house after being chased by Louis; Harry is killed by OneRound who thinks Harry has killed Mrs. W after having a change of heart; OneRound tries to shoot Louis and Marcus when he overhears a plan to doublecross him but leaves the guns safety catch on and is himself killed by Louis; Marcus kills Louis by dislodging his ladder under the tunnel behind the house causing Louis to fall into a passing railway wagon. Before falling into the carriage Louis fires a last shot at Marcus which nearly hits him. Finally, with noone else left, Marcus himself is struck on the head by a railway signal over the tunnel and drops into another wagon. All the other bodies have been dumped into railway wagons passing behind the house and are now far away. Mrs. Wilberforce is now left alone with the plunder. She goes to the police to return it but they dont believe her story. They humour her, telling her to keep the money. She is puzzled but finally relents and returns home. Along the way, she leaves a banknote of large denomination with a startled starving artist.