Fact1: Thousands of former employees are outraged with military businessman R.J. Hacker, Fact2: military businessman R.J. Hacker had closed down weapons manufacturing plant, Fact3: President 's suggestion of war on international terrorism is deemed too absurd, Fact4: American sheriff Bud Boomer criticizes Canadian beer while attending hockey game between neighboring nations in Niagara Falls, Fact5: Stuart in collects more information about Canada turn
Output: Thousands of former employees are outraged with military businessman R.J. Hacker G. D. Spradlin, who had closed down his weapons manufacturing plant, Hacker Dynamics. At a conference held at the former plant, he pins the blame for the shutdown of his business on the current President of the United States Alan Alda, who has just arrived. The President defends his own belief that the future of the children is more important than war, which has caused major decline in his approval rating. After the conference, he expresses to confidantes General Dick Panzer Rip Torn and National Security Advisor Stuart Smiley Kevin Pollak his discontent about not having an enemy to engage in war. An attempted negotiation with Russian President Vladimir Kruschkin Richard E. Council to start a new cold war with Russia fails, and the Presidents suggestion of a war on international terrorism is deemed too absurd. Serendipitously, American sheriff Bud Boomer John Candy offensively criticizes Canadian beer while attending a hockey game between the neighboring nations in Niagara Falls, Ontario. The ensuing brawl ends up on the news and catches Stuarts attention; Stuart, in turn, collects more information about Canada from a CIA agent named Gus Brad Sullivan, who suggests Canada as their new enemy. Before long, television channels are littered with antiCanada propaganda, which Boomer believes wholeheartedly. He prepares for war by distributing guns to his fellow sheriffs, including his girlfriend Honey Rhea Perlman and their friends Roy Boy Kevin J. OConnor and Kabral Jabar Bill Nunn. After they apprehend a group of Americans dressed as Canadians attempting to destroy a hydroelectric plant, despite Guss protests, they sneak across the border to litter on Canadian lands, which leads to Honey being arrested by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. In a rescue attempt, Boomer, Roy Boy and Kabral sneak into a Canadian power plant and cause a countrywide blackout. When the President learns of this, he orders Boomers immediate removal from Canada before its too late. Hacker, seeking revenge on the President for shutting down his business, uses a software program Hacker Hellstorm to activate missile silos across the country. The President learns that the signal causing the activation of the silos originated from Canada, and summons Hacker. Hacker offers to sell a program to the President that can cancel out the Hellstorm — for 1 trillion. With only six minutes left, the President is trying to figure out whats going on. Stuart, fed up with the President being too busy to give Hacker the money, realizes that Hacker, getting up to leave, is the one controlling the silos, not Canada, and, after storming up, takes the operating codes from him required to stop the Hellstorm accidentally killing Hacker in the process. The President orders Stuarts arrest, despite his protests that he is now able to give the codes to the President so they could deactivate the missiles which are aimed at Moscow. As the launch time approaches the President pleads with Canadian Prime Minister Clark MacDonald Wallace Shawn over the phone to stop the launch. Meanwhile, Honey was taken to a mental hospital upon her capture and escaped all the way to the CN Tower. She discovers the central computer for the Hellstorm located at the top and destroys it with a machine gun, aborting the launch sequence. She then reunites with Boomer, who had tracked her to the Tower, and they return to the United States via a speedboat. An ending montage reveals the characters fates: Boomer realizes his dream of appearing on Cops; Honey has been named Humanitarian of the Year by the National Rifle Association; the President was defeated in the next election by a large landslide and now hosts Get Up, Cleveland; Stuart served eight months in prison, but was pardoned by the new President; General Panzer committed suicide after learning that Hogans Heroes was fictional; Gus was last spotted heading to Mexico; R.J. Hackers body has been viewed daily at Republican National Headquarters; Kabral has become a hockey star, winning the Hart Memorial Trophy three years in a row; Roy Boys whereabouts become unknown; and MacDonald is still ruling with an iron fist.