Fact1: Starkey get selected for national team, Fact2: head of local lawn bowls association, Fact3: champion launching wood across dinner table at Speight, Fact4: sports agent Rick Schwartz turning sedate sport in face competition, Fact5: ban on Starkey lifted by using relationship setting Ray Speight to swear at public address causing ban to be removed
Output: Cliff Starkey played by Paul Kaye, is a rebellious young bowls player, brought up on the Lynx Estate, with his friend Trevor played by Johnny Vegas, and grandfather Mutley played by Bernard Cribbins as a painter and decorator. He dreams of playing for his country but always preferring to play by his own rules, was always disapproved by the local Torquay bowls club. He learns of Australian brothers Carl and Mark Doohan future tour of England, and plans to get selected for the national team. Starkey would play through the tournament undefeated, defeating veteran player and thirteen times champion Ray Speight played by James Cromwell. After winning the competition, and becoming eligible to play for England, Speight, the head of the local lawn bowls association, bans Starkey for fifteen years for writing an expletive on an opponents scorecard. Angry about the ban, Starkey gatecrashes the celebration party for Speight, who was declared champion; launching a wood across the dinner table at Speight. Starkey is then picked up by sports agent Rick Schwartz played by Vince Vaughn, where Starkey is re branded as the bad boy of bowls, turning the normally sedate sport into a glitzy, in your face competition. Having defeated many lower key players in unofficial matches, using his variety of trick shots Starkey develops a romance with Kerry Speight played by Alice Evans, Rays daughter. Schwartz proposes a way to get the ban on Starkey lifted, by using this relationship, where the two are spotted by national press, setting Ray Speight to swear at a public address, causing the ban to be removed. With the sports popularity at an alltime high, both Speight and Starkey become media celebrities. Schwartzs organises both Starkey and Speight take on Australias unbeaten Doohan brothers in The Ashes, a one off tournament in a custom made bowls arena in Torquay. Schwartz; afraid that the relationship with Kerry is affecting Starkeys game; ends his relationship without his consent causing Starkey to fire Schwartz. Both players have a wide disdain for each other, and are made to use custom bowls for the game. After failing with his woods, and the pressure of the game getting to him, Starkey throws his own woods and signature carrier bag into a canal. With both players failing at half time, Trevor and Kerry talk to the pair, and get them to work as a team to make a comeback. Starkey would dive into the canal, followed by Ray Speight, who thought Starkey was trying to drown himself, but was in fact rescuing his own bowls. The two return to the arena, wet and make a comeback thanks to Speights experience and Starkeys extravagance, to force the game into an extra name humorously titled the golden bowl, much to the disbelief of Carl and Mark Doohan. The final end, a one bowl playoff, sees a perfect front toucher from Mark Doohan. Speight gives the bowl to Starkey, but stops him from playing his intended fire shot, and instead instructs him to play his own signature large inswinging bowl. The shot works, and the two celebrate having defeated the Australian team, and make amends with Trevor and Mutley.