Fact1: Wehrmacht colonel looks out over English Channel with powerful binoculars, Fact2: chaos At ensues because there is nobody to organise enrolment of men local police station, Fact3: local platoon is formed with Mainwaring in command as Wilson, Fact4: roller Out of destroys platoon 's tents as well as other equipment control, Fact5: Mainwaring told that due to platoon 's poor showing
Output: 1940  Operation Dynamo has just taken place. From the newly conquered French coastline, a Wehrmacht colonel looks out over the English Channel with powerful binoculars. Surveying the white cliffs of Dover, he spies Godfrey emerging from a lavatory. Godfrey joins the rest of his platoon, who are defiantly waving the Union Flag. The colonel fumes contemptuously, How can the stupid British ever hope to win?! One morning, George Mainwaring, the manager of the WalmingtononSea branch of Martins Bank, and his chief clerk, Arthur Wilson, listen to Anthony Eden making a radio broadcast about forming the Local Defence Volunteers LDV. At the local police station chaos ensues because there is nobody to organise the enrolment of the men. Characteristically, Mainwaring takes charge and after commandeering the local church hall he registers the assembled volunteers. The local platoon is eventually formed with Mainwaring in command as Captain, Wilson as his Sergeant and Jack Jones as the LanceCorporal. With no weapons or training, the platoon is initially forced to improvise, using devices invented and assembled by Jones. These invariably backfire or malfunction with disastrous consequences. The chaos includes an antiaircraft rocket launcher blowing up a farmers barn and a submarine made from a cast iron bathtub rolling into the river with Private Joe Walker still inside. The platoon secure uniforms and, eventually, weapons. Following the evacuation from Dunkirk, the LDV is renamed the Home Guard. The platoon is ordered to take part in a war gamestraining weekend, but after LanceCorporal Jones newly gasconverted van breaks down they are towed by a steam roller. Out of control, the roller destroys the platoons tents, as well as other equipment, angering MajorGeneral Fullard who is in charge of the weekend exercises, and who is already cross with Mainwaring for previously refusing to cash his cheque at the bank. After a night sleeping without tents the platoon oversleep despite being detailed to hold a pontoon bridge during the days exercise. The bridge has been sabotaged by the Royal Marines and the results are comically chaotic. Captain Mainwaring is summoned by the MajorGeneral and told that due to the platoons poor showing he will recommend Mainwaring be replaced. While the platoon are walking back to Walmington, a Luftwaffe reconnaissance aircraft is shot down and its threeman crew parachute to safety. They enter Walmington church hall, where a meeting is taking place to raise money to fund a Spitfire. They hold all present as hostages, including the mayor and vicar, and demand a boat back to France. Mainwaring and his men reach home and discover what has happened. By this point the police and the military have begun to arrive. The home guard platoon infiltrate the building though the church crypt. Dressed in choir surplices, they enter the church hall singing All Things Bright and Beautiful, with their own extemporised second verse. Mainwaring takes a revolver concealed under a collection plate and confronts the Luftwaffe leader, who aims his Luger at him. Both officers agree they will shoot at the count of three. The platoon draws their rifles from beneath their robes. The German intruders reluctantly surrender. Mainwaring and his men become the pride of the town. Wilson reveals that the German officers gun was empty. Smiling, Mainwaring replies, So was mine. In the final scenes, Mainwaring and the Home Guard look towards France from the cliffs. The weather has changed for the worse and it is unlikely that Hitler will ever invade, although that does not stop the group digging downwards when they start to suspect they have detected a Nazi attempt to tunnel into Britain.