Fact1: Darren Silverman and J.D. McNugent form Neil Diamond tribute band called, Fact2: beautiful but domineering psychologist is showing signs of Judith Fessbeggler through chance encounter in local bar after band gig, Fact3: Wayne and J.D. decide to save Darren, Fact4: pair 's attempted date is ruined by Darren 's preoccupation with Judith, Fact5: Judith convinces J.D. Chained to engine block in Wayne 's garage
Output: Darren Silverman, Wayne LeFessier, and J.D. McNugent, best friends since fifth grade and Neil Diamond fans throughout, form a Neil Diamond tribute band called Diamonds in the Rough. Darren meets a beautiful but domineering psychologist who is showing signs of being emotionally abusive, Judith Fessbeggler, through a chance encounter in a local bar after a band gig. Six weeks into their relationship, Darren asks Judith if whether they could finally have sex, but Judith refuses in the belief that premarital sex is wrong; rather, she suggests nonpenetrative sex as alternative, during which Darren gets nothing but a sore jaw. Judith isolates Darren from his friends, demands that Darren quit the band, receive humiliating medical procedures, and attend relationship counseling under her care. Wayne and J.D. decide to save Darren from her by attempting to bribe her, arm wrestle her, and shock her with faked photographs of Darren cheating, all to no avail. The friends, undaunted, try to reunite Darren with his one and only, Sandy Perkus, when she returns to Seattle to take her final vows as a nun. When Darren and Judith announce their engagement, Wayne and J.D. kidnap Judith. However, Judith eventually discovers the identity of her captors, and the duo are convinced they cannot let her go. When they visit Coach Norton in jail who accidentally killed a referee in a fit of rage his advice is that they should just kill her. The pair attempt to shoot Judith, but end up deciding against it. Sandys feelings for Darren are reawakened, but the pairs attempted date is ruined by Darrens preoccupation with Judith. Sandy, disheartened, returns to the convent, but Darren snaps out of it and runs the 30 miles there to win her back. Chained to an engine block in Waynes garage, Judith convinces J.D. he is gay. She knocks him unconscious to steal his keys and escape, only to be tranquilized with a dart gun by Wayne. Returned to the garage, Judith seduces Wayne into releasing one of her hands, so she escapes again. She runs to Darrens house in time to see him kiss Sandy, but shames him into confessing his engagement to Judith. Sandy, disheartened, returns to the convent again. Darren has Wayne and J.D. arrested. After escaping from jail with the help of Coach Norton, J.D. and Wayne rush to the convent on the brink of Sandys final vows as a nun. They convince her that Darren still loves her. They then kidnap Neil Diamond to help Darren and Sandy reunite. At the wedding, Neil stalls the proceedings with the song Hello Again while Darren and Sandy reunite, Wayne and Judith the latter being furious that her wedding is ruined beat each other up as love play and J.D. arrives holding Coach in his arms, who coincidentally reveals to J.D. that he too is gay. The couples then wed on stage at Neil Diamonds concert; Darren to Sandy, Wayne to Judith, and J.D. to Coach.