Fact1: fictionalised version of author R. Chetwynd-Hayes is approached on city street by strange man, Fact2: strange man turns out to be starving vampire named, Fact3: titular club is covert gathering place for multitude of supernatural creatures, Fact4: young financially struggling woman takes job at secluded manor house owned by Raven, Fact5: father is vampire being relentlessly if ineptly hunted by team of bureaucratic undead-killers led by Pickering
Output: A fictionalised version of author R. ChetwyndHayes John Carradine is approached on a city street by a strange man Vincent Price who turns out to be a starving vampire named Eramus. Eramus bites the writer, and in gratitude for the small donation, takes his basically unharmed but bewildered victim to the titular club, which is a covert gathering place for a multitude of supernatural creatures. In between the clubs unique music and dance performances, Eramus introduces three stories about his fellow creatures of the night. A young, financially struggling woman Barbara Kellerman takes a job at a secluded manor house owned by Raven James Laurenson, a hybrid creature called a Shadmock, who leads a troubled and tragic existence and is notorious for its demonic whistle. As time goes by, the girl, Angela, develops a friendship with the mysterious Shadmock, named Raven, and he eventually proposes to her. Alarmed, Angela refuses but her controlling boyfriend Simon Ward forces her to go through with it to gain the Shadmocks vast wealth. At the night of the engagement party, Angela is caught robbing the Shadmocks safe, and screams that she could never love him. Heartbroken, the Shadmock whistles and destroys Angelas face. Upon seeing her, her boyfriend is driven insane and locked away in an asylum. The timid son Warren Saire of a peaceable family of vampires lives a miserable, lonely life where he is bullied at school and his father Richard Johnson spends little time with him. The son discovers his father is a vampire, being relentlessly if ineptly hunted by a team of bureaucratic undeadkillers led by Pickering Donald Pleasence. The hunters break into the house and stake the vampire father, but the tables are turned when the father bites Pickering, meaning he will have to be staked by his own assistants. A chase ensues and Pickering is staked. After his men take his body away the timid son and his mother Britt Ekland return to the basement to find that the father faked his death using a stake proof vest filled with ketchup. A movie director Stuart Whitman scouting locations for his next film pays a horrifying visit to an isolated, decrepit village, Loughville near Hillington, Norfolk, where the sinister residents refuse to let him leave. He discovers to his horror that the village is inhabited by species of corpseeating demons called ghouls who unearth graves for food and clothes. And now there are no more graves to plunder and the ghouls are hungry for flesh. While imprisoned by the ghouls, he meets Luna Lesley Dunlop, the daughter of a ghoul father Patrick Magee and a deceased human mother,making her a Humghoul. Luna advises him to hide in the church, as ghouls cannot cross holy ground. Whilst in the church, the director discovers the terrifying truth of Loughville; centuries before, a swarm of ghouls invaded the village, mated with the humans and made their nest there. With the aid of Luna, the director attempts to escape and almost succeeds  only for Luna to be killed by the ghouls and the director captured again and returned to the village by ghoul policemen. At the end of the film, Eramus cheerfully lists to the other clubmembers all the imaginative ways that humans have of being horrible to each other, and declares that humans are the most despicable monsters of all. Thus ChetwyndHayes is made an honorary monster and member of the club.