Fact1: Mel Coplin and wife live in New York near Mel 's Ed and Pearl Coplin, Fact2: Mel n't decide on name for son, Fact3: Tina decides to accompany Mel Nancy and newborn on trip to San Diego to meet Mel 's biological mother, Fact4: trip of does not go as planned course, Fact5: Mel 's biological parents turns out to be in rural New Mexico
Output: Mel Coplin and his wife, Nancy, live in New York, near Mels neurotic, Jewish, adoptive parents, Ed and Pearl Coplin. Mel and Nancy have just had their first child, and Mel wont decide on a name for their son until he can discover the identity of his biological parents. After an adoption agency employee locates his biological mothers name in a database, Mel decides to meet her personally. Tina, the sexy but highly incompetent adoption agency employee, decides to accompany Mel, Nancy, and the newborn on a trip to San Diego to meet Mels biological mother. The trip, of course, does not go as planned, and ends up becoming a tour of the United States. First, Mel is introduced to Valerie, a blond Scandinavian woman with Confederate roots whose twin daughters are at least six inches taller than Mel. They quickly realize that Valerie is not Mels biological mother, and Tina scrambles to get the correct information from the agency database. Meanwhile, Nancy becomes jealous as Tina and Mel begin to flirt. Next, the group heads to Battle Creek, Michigan with the hope of meeting the man whose name appears as the person who delivered infant Mel to the adoption agency. The man, Fritz Boudreau, turns out to be a trucker with a violent streak. However, when he discovers that Mel might be his son, he becomes instantly friendly and lets Mel drive his semitrailer truck, which Mel immediately crashes into a Post Office building. This leads to a runin with two ATF agents, Tony and Paul, who are gay and in a relationship with each other. It is discovered that Tony and Nancy went to high school together. Charges are dismissed, and Fritz Boudreau tells Mel that he is not Mels father, but only handled Mels adoption because Mels biological parents were indisposed. Tina locates the current address of Mels biological parents, which turns out to be in rural New Mexico. Tony and Paul surprise everyone by deciding to tag along on the trip. While Mel and Tina become close, Nancy finds herself flirting with Tony, who returns the compliment, causing friction. The trip through rural New Mexico is fraught with more problems. At last the whole crowd descends on the front porch of Mels true biological parents, Richard and Mary Schlichting. They are asked to stay the night. While Richard and Mary are more than welcoming, Mels biological brother Lonnie is overly rude and jealous. It is during dinner that Mel discovers that Richard and Mary had to let Mel be adopted because they were in jail for making and distributing LSD in the late 1960s. Not only that, but Richard and Mary continue to manufacture LSD, as becomes apparent when Lonnie, in an attempt to dose Mel with acid at dinner, accidentally doses Paul, the ATF agent. In his drugged state Paul tries to arrest Richard and Mary but Lonnie knocks him out with a frying pan. They attempt to escape and decide to take Mels car, hiding their supply of acid in the trunk. Mels adoptive parents arrive but then change their minds and decide to leave, taking the wrong car. When they change their minds again and make a blind Uturn, the two families crash. Mels adoptive parents are arrested while his biological parents escape to Mexico. Not realizing what has happened Mel recounts the stories from dinner to Nancy and they agree to name the baby Garcia. The next day Paul explains the situation and is able to get Mels parents released, and they are happy and reassured to hear Mel call them his parents. A montage of their relationships continues over the credits. They all still have their troubles but Mel and Nancy are happy together.