Topic: depression

Question: Can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?
I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here.
   I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it.
   How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone?

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
You can absolutely change that feeling, which is actually a combination of thoughts and feelings.  These types of thoughts are classified as core beliefs because they are typically beliefs about who you are (e.g., I am a bad person, I am unworthy, I am incompetent, etc.).  Shame is a cluster of feelings that accompanies these beliefs (a combination of self-hatred, sadness, disgust, and guilt).  Although you can't make them go away completely, you can definitely shrink them.  These beliefs have actual neural pathways in the brain--the more you travel these pathways, the stronger the belief.  One way to fight these is by creating strengthening neural pathways that lay more dormant, such as beliefs that you are lovable, worthy, and deserve to be alive.  Even if you don't believe these thoughts, thinking them creates competition with the core beliefs you want to change.  The more you travel the new neural pathways, the stronger they will get over time.I understand this can take time and feel really tough to do.  Something you can do to deal with your feelings in a more short-term way is to focus improving your sleep.  As you are probably experiencing, lack of sleep can contribute to worsened depression.  Your primary doctor may be able to help with your specific sleep issues but there are some ways you can work on sleep on your own.  Something you can try is writing down the worries or thoughts you have before you lay down for the night.  This can help the brain to feel less inclined to ruminate as your paper/journal holds the thoughts for you. It also helps to have a nightly routine that stays the same every night.  This tells your brain to start producing chemicals that induce sleep, just like going into a restroom can signal the body to urinate.  If you find yourself lying awake in bed or waking in the night, leave the room and do something calming/relaxing if you are awake for more than 10-15 minutes.  It can be tough to change your body's relationship to sleep, so give it time--it can take a few weeks to really notice changes.One of the best strategies we have for dealing with depressive symptoms is behavioral activation. That could mean socialization, exercise, or anything that gets you doing an activity you wouldn't normally do.  If exercise seems too intimidating or unrealistic, you can just view it as movement--anything that gets you up and moving.  Taking walks outside, gardening, cleaning, etc. can count as movement.  It's easy to surrender to the lack of energy, but that also keeps the cycle of depression alive.Medications can help as well if you feel like you need something beyond what you can do for yourself at the moment.  Antidepressants are great options for depressive symptoms.  Research shows that combining psychotherapy with antidepressants can have really effective outcomes.I'm unsure if your sentence about not contemplating to attempting suicide means you don't feel that way now or that things are moving in that direction.  If they are, make note of your social supports and who you would be willing to reach out to.  If you have someone you are comfortable (enough) to let them know what you are going through, it may be worth your effort to have them plan to check in on you.  You can also contact the Hopeline by texting HOPE to 741741 or the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK.

Answer (from Valerie Kuykendall-RogersSpecializing in Reconciling, Restoring, and Renewing Relationships):
Hello and thank you for your question. In my work with clients who are experiencing depression due to low self-esteem, it is not uncommon to experience the myriad of symptoms that you are having. You have already taken the first step toward change by acknowledging that it needs to occur so congratulate yourself. One way to begin to change your feeling of being worthless to everyone is to change your "self-talk". You may have learned this negative language (ex. use of absolutes like always, never, all the time, everyone, and no one) throughout your life and being mindful of this language and being specific (ex. at times, some times, etc.), can help lessen the feeling of being "worthless." Another step to remedy this is to learn ways to become more compassionate with yourself. Attending a support group could help with learning self=compassion. Joining a support group could also help you see that you are not alone in how you feel, thus helping you to feel less isolated and less uncommon. Lastly, seek out professional assistance from a therapist, counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc. Some insurances are waiving co-pays (depending on your plan eligibility and benefits) during the COVID-19 epidemic and if you do not have insurance, try out OpenPath.org. They offer low cost online (telehealth) counseling to those who are in need of it. Remember, you are NOT alone. This feeling is all too common, but with the right help, support, encouragement, and resources, you can turn this feeling of "worthlessness" into a feeling of "worthiness". Best wishes. Valerie Kuykendall-Rogers, MA, LPC-S

Answer (from Shauntai Davis-YearginPersonalized, private online counseling for individuals and couples):
Therapy is essential for those that are feeling depressed and worthless. When I work with those that are experiencing concerns related to feeling of depression and issues with self esteem. I generally work with my client to help build coping skills to reduce level of depression and to assist with strengthening  self esteem, by guiding my client with CBT practices. CBT helps with gaining a better awareness of how your thought process influences your belief system, and how your beliefs impact your actions and the outcome of your behaviors.  This process isn’t easy but it helps teach an individual that we don’t always have control over what happens in our lives but we can control how we interpret, feel, and behave. CBT is good for individuals dealing with depression, anxiety, toxic relationships, stress, self esteem, codependency, etc.

Answer (from Jordan WhiteLicensed Social Worker at Oak Roots Dynamic):
I first want to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings and there is always someone there to help. You can always change your feelings and change your way of thinking by being open to trying to change. You can always make yourself available to learning new things or volunteering so that you can make a purpose for yourself.

Answer (from Dr. Timothy Paul'man'; Online - "Natural Health Consultant and Coach"):
Heck, sure thing, hun!Feelings of 'depression' have a deeply-rooted base in physical structures that may not be functioning very well at present; and, we can certainly turn them on again using means that you are able to find around the house and with relative ease :)After that, emotional and spiritual support will be liberally applied.

Answer (from Susan HaberkornOnline Christian Counseling for Women):
You are exhibiting some specific traits of a particular temperament type. Seek out a counselor who provides NCCA temperament therapy and discover the joy of being you -- God loves you as you are!