Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I handle my fiancée always telling me how bad of a job I'm doing in making them happy?
My fiancée is always letting me know how I am a horrible/evil person, or I just don’t care enough when it’s about her feeling or when she is having an off day.

Answer (from Sarah McIntyreSarah McIntyre, M.Ed., LPC):
I don't know much about the dynamics of your relationship, but I want to say that you cannot possibly be responsible for anyone else's happiness.  If you are interested in a good read on this topic, I highly recommend The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
One thing you could try is to have a conversation when neither of you is upset so that you learn what makes each of you feel cared for and valued. It could be that you are showing caring in a way that doesn't quite match what she is really looking for in that moment. For example, having an in-depth conversation could be something that you want, but she may just want a hug in that moment. I don't know if you heard of Gary Chapman's book about love languages, but it may be helpful.