Topic: depression

Question: How can I get my husband to listen to my needs and talk to me?
I tried telling my husband I was depressed, and he ignored me. He said "you're always sad or depressed." And he picked up his phone and ignored me. I said, "Please don't exaggerate, that isn't true." And he said, "Whatever babe. You just want to be sad."
   How can I get through to him so he will take me seriously?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Oh dear.From what you write, your husband doesn't have any interest to know about you and your sad feelings.Stay clear in understanding that you already did your part by asking him to listen and care about the way you feel.In this example, he told you he doesn't care.Its up to him to open his mind and heart to you.Depending on how motivated to continue asking him to hear you, try until you feel satisfied that you've given him enough chances to know who you are.   At a certain number of tries at this, you'll either have success or not.Just don't try forever because doing so will increase your depressed feelings.

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
Are you seeing a therapist?  Do you take your depression seriously?  The seriousness of this is gauged by how he feels about it.   People typically feed off our energy.  You feel you are depressed and if you want to take massive action towards your healing, doing what is best for you regardless of others’ reactions to it will be key! He may not have any first-hand experience with depression or how to handle it. He could not know how he can help.  Regardless your mental health is key and seeking the support you need to move forward in a progressive way is essential.  Get the support you need and embrace he may or may not come around as you seek the support you need and deserve.

Answer (from Erin Pritchard, MA, LPCC-S | EMDR IntensivesSea Glass Counseling and Consultation):
I'm sorry to hear that's how he's responding, that doesn't sound very helpful or validating of your emotions or respectful of your boundary to to communicate differently with you about your feelings and mental health.  Ask if he's willing to read a book on communication with you (Gottman's "7 Principles for Making Marriage Work" is excellent!), or attend couples' therapy together so that you can work on building your emotional connection and have healthier communication. It's also possible that he's not willing to change his mind. Regardless of where he stands, you can always take steps yourself towards bettering your mental health and wellbeing - going to therapy, discussing medication with your doctor or psychiatrist (also have them do bloodwork to check your thyroid functioning, hormone levels, and complete metabolic panel to check for any vitamin deficiencies), moving your body in ways that feel good, spend time with friends doing something enjoyable or meaningful.

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
What he hears and what you say or think he hears maybe the issue.  You could be on different wave lengths.  He might see how you act when not understanding emotional support.  There are ways to communicate differently to get a different reaction.   How is it worded.  There are energy medicine techniques to test what type you are and what he is.  How to connect through energy work.  💕💕

Answer (from Emily LaFaveYou're probably wondering how I can help you?):
We cannot control how our partners will react when we ask for support. It is important to focus on what you can control, which is you. It is important to know what kind of support you need and lead with that. For example, "I don't need you to try and fix this, but I need you to listen while I tell you what I have been feeling. When I am done, a hug would be nice." or "I am feeling stuck and whenever I think about this issue I just get so sad, can you help find a solution." If we can tell our partner what we expect upfront, then it is more likely that you will feel supported. It is very empowering to know what we want and to ask for it! It may be hard to be direct because we want our partner just to know what we need, but that is not realistic. There are a few thinking errors in this conversation. Working with me you will learn all about thinking errors and how to replace them.

Answer (from Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind):
Hmm... so, what part about this do you want him to take seriously? That you're depressed and you want him to acknowledge it or that you want help for it? One way to help him to "take you seriously" is to take yourself seriously. Maybe actively working on the depression will show him that you are really depressed and it's not because you want to be or if it is, it is a mental health disorder, and it is serious. I would start focusing on you. Focus on what you want to see in yourself and make it happen. With depression, it is difficult to do for yourself, that's why there are therapists out here to help make that load lighter. I would talk to someone to come up with a plan to focus on yourself and then your husband if he doesn't get there on his own. So the first step is to reach out to a therapist to help you to come up with a better plan, or put all of the great answers you get together and implement them. If that isn't enough, then make the first step by calling a therapist to set up an intake and that first appointment to continue your efforts. Hope this helps!

Answer (from Olivia Farr, MS, LAC, NCCNo judgment, just a safe space.):
It can become painful when we feel unheard and invalidated. Especially if this becomes a pattern in our communication, we begin to build walls and boundary ourselves more rigidly, letting very little of our authentic selves out.  As many others have said, your husband may feel defensive at the fact that you are unhappy and may not know how to process that feeling. It may be that your husband isn't clear on what you need when you tell him that you are depressed. In these scenarios, it often helps to ask yourself what needs do you specifically want met? Do you need a listening ear to vent to, only? Do you need a literal shoulder to cry on, physical comfort and reassurance that "it will be okay."? Do you need feedback, advice, and guidance?Do you need to feel that your experience matters to your husband, and just hear him say "I see and hear you and you matter to me?" Do you need support in finding resources, or desire to seek therapy together with your spouse? When we're clear on our own needs, it's easier to communicate to our spouse without them failing to meet expectations that we may not have even known we had. If you are already seeking therapy for your depression, I encourage you to invite your spouse for a session so that your therapist can shed light on areas of your experience that your husband may not understand. If you find that this type of communication is a pattern in your marriage, seeking couples counseling will help solve that communication puzzle within your marriage and help you understand each other.