Topic: depression

Question: is it normal not to feel empathy?
I can't seem to feel any emotion except anxiety, not even for myself.

Answer (from Charles LucasHealthFit Counseling: Solutions for Change):
Thank you for posting.  I'm interested to hear some more information; such as, if you live by yourself or family, if you go to school/employed/unemployed, and what kind of things do you like to do with friends or by yourself.  Often times, when we are experiencing a strong emotion that we interpret as negative, we put most of our focus on that negative emotion and struggle to see that we do not always feel that specific emotion.  There are typically points in the day (even if it is for only in 1 minute intervals) when we do not feel that negative emotion.  When we overgeneralize, we use words like "always" or "never" and when we use those words and it may not be totally true, we feel the negative emotion based on an inaccuracy which is not fair to you.  Ask yourself some of these questions: Am I being realistic when I'm overgeneralizing things? Have I ever noticed a short period of time that I wasn't feeling anxious?  What do I notice when I am feeling anxious? What am I thinking about?  When was the last time I felt empathy?  What was different when I was able to feel empathy?  Hopefully this helps get you started.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Its not normal to feel no empathy.Maybe you do have a little more empathy for yourself than you realize, since you seem to express some empathy toward yourself not feeling emotions.Try to understand the circumstance about which you feel anxiety.   This may increase your empathy toward yourself.If you feel anxiety about a relationship, then empathize with having lost the relationship.If you feel anxiety about not having enough funds to pay bills, then empathize with yourself for this situation.If you feel anxiety about how someone engages with you, then empathize with feeling unsure of how to respond to this.Basically, see if you can substitute empathy toward yourself for the tension of your anxiety!

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
It's very common to lose the ability to experience empathy when you are overwhelmed, burned out, and/or exhausted.  Empathy is about accessing your own emotions in a way to understand someone else's experience or circumstance.  If there's something in you (emotionally) that you may be trying to avoid, it may shut-down your willingness to feel or express empathy altogether.  This also happens often with emotional exhaustion, as well as if we aren't putting up boundaries with our empathy.  Brene Brown has a great video on this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5U3VcgUzqiI.One way to think about this is to ask yourself what your anxiety is trying to tell you.  Is there maybe something that you aren't addressing in your life that is bugging you?  Or do you feel you are addressing too much and are spread too thin?  I'm also unsure if your comment means you don't have any emotion for yourself or you don't have anxiety for yourself, but I want to point out that you do have some sort of emotion for yourself.  That's the very reason you have asked this question!  Fear does a stellar job at masking emotions like sadness and shame.  You may not be aware of these feelings, but they could still exist.Loss of empathy can sometimes lead to a disconnection from the pain of others, though the extreme versions of this are not very common.  If you do start to experience homicidal ideation or thoughts about seriously harming others, it's important you talk to someone right away.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
Empathy usually falls on a spectrum, meaning that some people show more than others. Empathy is the ability to look at the world through someone else's eyes or "walk a mile in their shoes." There could be some people in your life for whom empathy is easier to feel and those for whom you have no idea what they are experiencing.Empathy is not usually categorized as an emotion, but as something related to emotions. For example, you could have empathy about someone's anxiety.I'm not sure whether you are also referring to the idea that you don't have sympathy for yourself or others. That's a different concept, but also involves different degrees.When you say you don't have emotion except anxiety, I wonder if you are saying that you have anxiety all the time and it may be covering up other emotions? If you are experiencing a lot of anxiety, try to look at what it connects to and find something that changes your focus for a few minutes. This could be any number of activities, such as watching TV, cooking, reading a book, or many other options.If you are feeling as if you are just going through the motions and not having a lot of emotions about anything, if it's just been a few days, it may just be related to a current stress that will lessen in a few days. If it has been quite a while, consider tracking your mood and looking at when you do notice changes in your emotions. There may be some variations that you are not aware of.If you continue to feel anxious and as if you don't have as many emotions as you would like, consider talking with your primary care physician or a local therapist.

Answer (from Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC-S, NCCBilingual Licensed Professional Counselor):
Empathy is the ability
to tap into our own experience to help us connect with others in order to be
aware of how they are experiencing life. 
It is a skill that we learn with practice and refine as we become mature.
If you are feeling anxious, maybe you are able to understand better others who
are going trough anxiety.  But I wonder
if instead of feeling empathy, you may just want to find ways to reduce your
anxiety.  A good idea is to be very aware
of your anxiety triggers, and once you identify them explore other ways you
could react. ¿Sera normal que no sienta empatía?Parece que no puedo experimentar ninguna otra emoción que
no sea ansiedad, ni si quiera por mí misma. Empatía es la habilidad de usar tus propias
experiencias para conectarte con otros y estar consciente de la manera que
ellos experimentan la vida.  Es una
destreza interpersonal que aprendemos y refinamos con la práctica y según maduramos
como personas.  Si te estás sintiendo
ansioso, tal vez puedas comprender mejor como otra persona experimenta momentos
de ansiedad.  Pero me pregunto si en
lugar de estar buscando sentir empatía, realmente quisieras reducir tus niveles
de ansiedad.  Una buena manera es estar consciente
que activa la ansiedad, y ya que lo identifiques, explora que otras reacciones
pudieras tener.