Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How do I get my husband back?
My husband and I are separated and he doesn't even want to talk to me.    He says he doesn't love me anymore, but I would do anything to get him back. Is there any hope?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Most important is to take care of your feelings regarding that he has left you.From your description  there doesn't seem to be much hope your husband would like to keep the marriage going.Has a long time passed since the two of you separated?   Sometimes, and really this is very rare, people decide to return to their marriage.If he impulsively decided to leave and now is a short while since he did this, then there is some hope he will decide to stay together.If he's been out of the house for a while and tells you what you wrote, then there is greater chance he's had time to think through to split and will follow through.As painful as it is to hear that someone with whom you'd like to be, doesn't want to be with you, accepting your hurt feelings will eventually let you come to peace with your feelings.To keep hoping against the facts of what he's said to you, only makes your own pain intensify.

Answer (from Frank WalkerI help couples manage the bumpy road called marriage. Whether your marriage needs a tune up, a major overhaul or just a flat tire changed. I can help.):
There is always hope. So don't give up on hope.However, you knew I would say that, there is a lot work ahead of you.You need to see someone to talk things out.Get some space between you and your husband. Don't chase and please don't stalk him.Do some deep searching as to why he left and what part you had to cause the split.You can't change him but you are in control of your own change.With the help of a professional counselor you can get help and direction where you need to change.

Answer (from Rachel LingleWholeHeartAZ.com Chandler):
I believe there's always hope. I also believe that you are worthy of respect and love. I'm curious if you felt loved, cherished, and respected by your husband during your time together. Feeling willing to go to any extreme to save the marriage is common, but having to do things that go against your values sets you up to develop a lot of resentment. It sounds like you did not want to be separated from your husband, but now that it's happened, you can make the choice to focus on yourself, rediscovering, or discovering for the first time, what you really want out of life. Taking some time to grieve the loss of your marriage and practice self-care can help in the immediate aftermath. Are there dreams that you put on a shelf during your marriage that you could reignite? By considering the dreams and desires you had at the beginning of your marriage, you might find some direction for what to do next.

Answer (from Shelly Kessingerwww.friendswoodmarriagecounseling.com):
I would focus on YOU right now. We cannot control him, his actions, his love, or his decisions. But we can work on you. Think about a few things: What do you want? What do you love about him? What made you two separate? What do you think about being in a relationship where your partner does not love you? Does that seem fair? He may want to work things out or he may be done. He may be done for a short period of time or be done forever. No one can answer that which is why I think you should change the focus. If you do get back together, will you still trust him to not leave you? What if he does not love you? If you never get back together, can you still have a healthy, happy life? Can you mourn that relationship but also learn from it?I want you to be strong, happy, and healthy with or without him. So yes, there is hope for you - with or without him.