Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I learn to be content and at peace?
I recently broke up with my boyfriend After being together for over 4 years. I truly believe I did the right thing, but omehow being single now has made me very needy and unsure of myself.
    I am seeing someone casually and I am losing my mind with anxiety about how he feels about me and this need for validation.
   How can I learn to be content and at peace with myself regardless of my career, relationship status, etc?

Answer (from Ian Palombo#ThoughtMediator & #LifeUntangler):
Millions of people deal with anxiety disorders on a daily basis. Whether it’s a result of a specific phobia, a traumatic event, or just generalized worry, anxiety disorders take a toll on our mind and health. There is help for anxiety disorder sufferers, and therapy is the first place to start. If you deal with an anxiety disorder you most likely have looked into ways you can help calm your emotional roller coaster. Perhaps you’ve even tried some self-help techniques in the past. While these methods can provide some relief, it’s often temporary.To rid yourself of overwhelming anxiety once and for all, you’ve got to get to the root cause of it – the underlying factors. A therapist can help you identify and eliminate these underlying factors.If you are suffering from an anxiety disorder, here are 3 ways therapy can help:1. Uncover Root Causes of the Anxiety DisorderLike any other health issue, effective treatment gets to the root cause. For instance, your doctor can either prescribe a medication to try and manage your hypertension symptoms, or she can request you clean up your diet and exercise, addressing the root causes of your high blood pressure.A therapist will assist you in accessing your emotional world so you can study your thoughts and feelings and uncover patterns. Often, unhealthy beliefs and thoughts lie at the root of anxiety. Once you identify what is causing you anxiety, your therapist can begin to create a plan to help you face these underlying issues calmly and confidently.2. Therapy Helps You Change Your BehaviorsWe’ve just talked a little about therapy helping you uncover the thoughts and beliefs that are causing the anxiety. Those thoughts and beliefs are not only making you feel bad, they are causing you to have certain behaviors that may result in negative consequences.For instance, your anxiety leads to insomnia or denial of intimate social connections. Therapy will help you make lifestyle and behavioral changes. You’ll learn how to cope with difficult situations in a more relaxed manner. Therapy will help you to stop avoiding certain people and situations and develop a calmer and more balanced sense of self. 3. Therapy Offers Continued Personalized SupportAll change is hard, even change that’s ultimately good for you. One of the biggest benefits of therapy is that it offers continual personalized support. Your therapist wants to see you succeed and will offer encouragement and advice without judgement.If you’ve been living with anxiety, know that you don’t have to deal with it alone. If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, contact a mental health professional.

Answer (from Michael SamarIntegrative Psychotherapist and Mindfulness Coach):
Moving on from a long term relationship can be difficult.  Sometimes we can lose a sense of who we are because in a way we have become defined by the relationship itself.  So, when we begin to move on and see other people, our sense of identity may be obscured.  The tendency is to seek out validation to give us a feeling of worthiness.   That it's ok to move on and be happy.   This is a relatively normal reaction.  It's important to treat yourself with kindness and compassion through this time in your life.  Mindful self-compassion can be a great way to begin the process of getting that sense of who you are back and what you want in a relationship.  I think its important to look back, learn what you can from the previous relationship, and become a better person for it in the future.  At the same time, taking the necessary time to nuture yourself on a mind, body, and spirit level. Self-compassion allows you to turn inward and except all facets of who you are.  It improves your capacity for love, vulnerability, emotional openness, social interconnectedness, and self-respect.  My philosophy is holistic, collaborative, and accepting.  The cornerstone of my treatment philosophy is mindfulness and other evidenced based integrative modalities.  I work as your ally to help you cultivate abundant self-compassion in your life, so that you can have the types of relationships you want.

Answer (from Dr. John Frampton):
A break up, even one that you initiated, may deserve some time and space to allow it to be complete.There's a few ideas I'll throw out there and you can choose if they stick.  One is to re-invest in the friendships you have by setting up regular coffee get-togethers for example.  Two, get out in nature.  It's hard to ignore how grand and patient nature is, and it sometimes takes the pressure off what we should be and instead allows us to be.  And the last one I'll throw out there is to invest your time and energy in a project or achievement you've wanted to do for a while, but that perhaps you didn't have the time to.  Something related to a hobby such as sports or music, or related to your career.  Something that is 'for' you.  Life knocks us off balance at times, and that's ok.  Self-questioning during these times can be a healthy endeavor.  Should you follow any of the advice on this website, continue to be kind to yourself about what you're feeling, and curious about why you're feeling that way.