Topic: relationship-dissolution

Question: How to get over somebody?
Our relationship ended about 7 years ago, but don't know how to let go. How can I get over that person and move on?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
What about this person do you miss most?  What part of those things can you self-generate, give those things to yourself.  Work thru the grief of losing this relationship.   Perhaps review this video and see what comes up.  Also, reviewing your feelings around scarcity- are they the only person who can be a healthy partner to you? When thoughts of them come up, redirect your thoughts versus letting thoughts of them consume your life.  Some have found support in engaging in acupuncture and emotional freedom technique (EFT) also building up your feelings of self-worth, and self-love outside of them and your former relationship. Evicting someone living in your head rent-free

Answer (from Shelly Kessingerwww.friendswoodmarriagecounseling.com):
I think giving yourself the space to realize that this was a significant relationship and it really had an impact on you. I think you should honor that relationship and then talk about it to someone. The more you try to not think of it, the more you will think of it. I think you should instead, say "thank you" to that relationship. Thank you for showing you what qualities you like, what you desire. Maybe even come up with a list of what that specific relationship did for you. After you say "thank you" to that relationship then it may be time to say goodbye. You obviously want to get over that person, so figure out why you want to get over them. Why did it not work out? What negative parts of the relationship do you keep forgetting to think about. Oftentimes, people glamorize the past. So for your goodbye part of this phase, I would focus on the negative parts of the relationship. You can also work on emotionally saying goodbye to that time in your life. You are probably different than you were 7 years ago, and to be honest, they are probably different too.I know it sounds weird. But I would recommend that you mentally say "thank you" and "goodbye" to that relationship.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
What you're most likely trying to get over is to be attracted to the qualities which you felt attracted to in the person.The problem isn't releasing yourself from the person, per se.   Letting go of a person means separating yourself from the qualities in a partner which you value.Two possibilities exist.Either you continue to feel strongly that the qualities in the past relationship are still meaningful and you'd like to base your next relationship on these qualities.Or, the person had qualities which are no longer relevant or necessary in your life and this is the reason the relationship ended.It is possible that even if you had an adequate exposure to certain qualities in someone that you simply miss the companionship of a relationship.See if you can figure out whether you need the qualities this person gave you or whether you simply like being part of a couple.If you like the particular qualities of your previous parter and these are still relevant to your life, you'll attract a partner who has similar qualities.Basically people attract what they need.The more open you are to attracting what you need in a partner, the more likely your next partner will have these qualities.In this way, you'll get over the particular person and still have the satisfaction to be in a relationship.