Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Audrey CornishLearn skills to manage whatever life throws our way!!):
Hello there, first I'd like to say I think it's great that you are reaching out as a parent and wanting to help her. My first thought is whatever is going on with her is not silly to her, and is impacting her in a real way. She is responding the best she can right now. It does sound like she is struggling with managing her anxiety and stress. She might benefit from finding a therapist that she can trust to discuss her thoughts and feelings, learn coping skills, and learn how to better manage these overwhelming emotions.

Answer (from Carrie HoeserCognitive Behavioral Therapy for families and individuals with Autism):
It sounds like your daughter may be experiencing heightened levels of anxiety based on her value system of wanting to ensure she is 'good enough' or 'doing all the right things.' Talking to a trained professional could help her to decompress some of those feelings as well as find ways to challenge negative thoughts that are leading to overwhelming amounts of stress. Please let me know if you have any further questions that I may be able to help in this area.

Answer (from Shawn Thomas Berthel, M.S., LCMHCStep into your new life path.):
Hello,Based on how you are describing your daughter, I am going to come from the perspective that she is in grade school. If this is the case, there is likely a lot of pressure being a younger student academically. That, along with a social visibility and how her friends see her, can contribute to the stress that she might be experiencing. When something happens at school, children tend to react in ways that are different than adults. I don’t know how old your child is, but depending on her ability to process what has taken place at school, will typically determine how she responds to it. One approach of helping her deal with her feelings, is talking to her about what has happened and helping her place it into proper perspective. Letting her know that you will except her regardless of the grades that she receives, while still encouraging her to do her best, might help remove some of the pressure she is experiencing right now. She may be trying to over-perform for approval purposes. This can put enormous amounts of stress on a child.Having your child also work with an academic adviser or a school counselor can sometimes be helpful, or a professional counselor in your local community. Knowing that yourChild has the necessary support to feel that she does not have to be so stressed, can be encouraging. Children experience stress in many different ways. Stress from home, stress from friends, stress from world events that they see on TV. Having important conversations with your child can often help alleviate the symptoms. Child has the necessary support to feel that she does not have to be so stressed, can be encouraging. Children experience stress in many different ways. Stress from home, stress from friends, stress from world events that they see on TV. Having important conversations with your child can often help alleviate the symptoms.I hope this information is helpful for you. If I can be of further assistance and you are in the Tacoma, Washington area, please feel free to reach out to me.

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
It's so tough to watch your children struggle and it seems like you care strongly about how she is feeling.I think there's a lot of questions that come to mind when I read this question.  What things upset her?  How often do these things occur?  What would it mean if it "broke" her?  Also, is she a high school or college student still living at home, or a college student living out of home?  Just with the information given, it's possible she has some perfectionistic tendencies.  What this can mean is that there is a very clear intolerance for anything she sees as a failure, whether or not it truly is.  It can also mean that she neglects other important areas of her life in order to focus her attention on her academics.  Many people that deal with perfectionism often sacrifice social opportunities for work, which can be really lonely and stressful.Another thing to consider is that it may have nothing to do with being perfect.  If she is living out of the home, is this her first time out on her own?  That's a difficult change all in its own.  If she's still at home, is she nearing the age of graduation and feels the pressure of figuring out her life/career path?  Does she have other social issues going on with friends or is in an unhealthy relationship?  No matter the answers to these questions, you are the best judge of what your daughter may need.  It could be worth having a conversation to understand her perspectives and assess her willingness to see a professional.  And make sure you are taking care of yourself as well!  It's easy as a parent to become enmeshed with our children's pain when they are hurting, but taking care of yourself can best prepare you to help your child.

Answer (from Lucia SmithTherapy For People With Anxiety):
Sometimes it is hard to empathize with our children. Adults have had so much life experience and know how the world works.  I think whatever is bothering her at the moment doesn't seem silly to her.  What are her goals? Are they realistic.?  It sounds like your daughter might be a perfectionist. Is it necessary for everything to be perfect?  No, we all make mistakes.  Perfectionists tend to sabotage their own success and succeed despite their perfectionism.  Perfectionism makes them stressed and anxious and they have to deal with those feelings every day on top of striving for success  Perfectionists also often have what is called a fixed mindset. They believe their basic abilities such as intelligence and talents are fixed traits.   They are set in stone.  For them, If they are not naturally good at something there is no hope of improvement.  This mindset leads them to them want to appear perfect and never make mistakes.  Your daughter probably needs some help to change her fixed mindset to a  growth mindset.  People who have growth mindsets believe their abilities can improve over time. thinking this way helps become more motivated and resilient They believe they can find ways to fix mistakes and get better at the challenging things by getting help, studying a different way,  and not giving up. A therapist who treats children her age could help her re-frame her approach to challenging tasks and the way she thinks about her gifts and talents.

Answer (from Leah ElvitskyHelping you thrive and not just survive.):
Sometimes stress helps us become motivated and thrive to do better however, if your daughter is stressing to the point that she is crying and freaking out then that would be concerning. Helping your daughter with relaxation techniques like deep breathing or guided imagery would be a good start. Also, reminding your daughter that you see her doing so well in school and that most importantly you are there for her. I would also make an appointment to see a mental health therapist they can have more ideas on ways to de-stress.