Topic: parenting

Question: Should I feel guilty if my adult daughter cannot afford to go on a family vacation?
I have four children. One of them is in her 20s, and she cannot afford to go, nor can I pay for her. She went last year for two weeks by herself.

Answer (from Pamela SuraciBuild on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!):
I imagine you are trying to figure out a way to be "fair" to your adult kids.  The key word is "adult".  If your daughter can afford to join the family for a vacation that's great, she's welcome to come.  However, as you pointed out she took a vacation by herself last year - she chose to put her resources (time off work and money) into doing that.  Good for her - she did what she wanted.  If she wants to budget time and money for a family vacation she will.As for feeling guilty, let me echo the sentiments already offered - vacations are lovely, but not a survival need.  Your girl is in her 20s and it's her turn to provide for herself.  You did your parenting - now go enjoy your vacation with whoever can, and wants to, join you!

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Of what do you feel you'd be guilty?Family vacations are not a basic human right to existence.  They are fun, ideally.  You're not violating a basic human right.  You wrote that you don't have enough money to pay for her to come along.You may find yourself feeling more guilty toward yourself if you give more than you reasonably can afford to give.My suggestion is to tell your daughter your reason for not taking her along. Maybe this will open more dialogue between the two of you.