Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I learn to be content and at peace?
I recently broke up with my boyfriend After being together for over 4 years. I truly believe I did the right thing, but omehow being single now has made me very needy and unsure of myself.
    I am seeing someone casually and I am losing my mind with anxiety about how he feels about me and this need for validation.
   How can I learn to be content and at peace with myself regardless of my career, relationship status, etc?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Possibly you haven't completed your phase of mourning the recently passed relationship and lifestyle which surrounded it.Relationship breakups mean a person's entire life goes through an adjustment since the relationship impacted all areas of your life.Give yourself some patience to restore yourself from the old relationship. When you feel whole again then more than likely you will lose some of the anxiety wondering what your new casual partner feels about you.And instead of wondering,  you may simply decide to ask the person your question!

Answer (from Mirella Caro-CortesHelping Families & Marriages Repair, Recover & Thrive):
Hello.  What you are experiencing is entirely reasonable for someone that is still trying to adjust to a new life and also leave behind a long term relationship.  It sounds like you lost touch with who you were as a person and need to start exploring that side of you again.  Spend time doing things that you have been putting off, or did not do because you were involved.  Take the time to become one with yourself before you get into another serious relationship.  Regaining self-confidence on yourself will help you with all other areas of life.  It is time to make you a priority and to start focusing on your mental and physical well being.  Get connected with your community and find things you would want to do that give you purpose and lift you.  Before too long you will be in your way to being content and in total control of your mind and at peace.  Best of luck. Mirella~

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
One way to find peace and contentment is to self-generate the love, acceptance, validation, and belonging you crave from others, inside yourself.   Working thru how you came to a point where the sum total of your worth is based on others’ opinions of you and how your career, relationship status, etc., became a determining factor in how you value your worth.  Society often uses these variables and tools to measure someone’s worth and our worth is not wrapped in those things, especially not those things alone! I would like to share these two videos. Never Leave Yourself5 Signs

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
It takes time and must be on YOUR TIME.  I have some free meditations on my site you can check out and other tools.  Breathwork is a big one.  There are meditations you can join as a group or individual online anywhere anytime. When you become a client of mine I offer this and it is wonderful plus other fun stuff🙏✨

Answer (from Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind):
You are so self aware! That has to be refreshing just knowing that about yourself! It takes time to reset those new pathways to in your brain. You brain has to sense that the experiences you are having are enough to be okay. What are you looking for? When you can answer that question, it will also be helpful to calm that anxiety. If you are looking for commitment from this person, but you are seeing them casually, do they know and are they looking for commitment as well? What does being content and at peace with yourself mean? Have you dated yourself? There's a page that I point other single people to on instagram #dearfuturehim, check it out. This girl is all about what to do while you are waiting and single, she also talks about being content and the "business of the brain" when you're single. Lastly, I would talk to someone who can help you with the anxiety, especially if it's that strong. It's helpful to be able to get some help with how to be more relaxed. Hope this helps!

Answer (from Natalie Moore | Holistic Therapy🛋 For creative, ambitious millennials):
It sounds to me like you would benefit from mindfulness practice and self-compassion practice. What is mindfulness?Mindfulness, in short, is the practice of bringing a non-judgmental awareness to the present moment. This meditative tradition stems from Buddhism and was brought to the West by Zen teachers who made them more accessible for Westerners. If you’ve ever taken a yoga class or played a guided meditation wherein you were encouraged to focus on your breath without changing it, feel the sensations on your skin and bring awareness to tension in your body, you’ve practiced mindfulness.What is self-compassion? We often hear about self-esteem as something we need to increase for optimal mental health. The problem with self-esteem is that it ebbs and flows based on external factors – such as if you have a good job or if you have a romantic relationship. A much better place to put your energy into is developing self-compassion, which is being kind to yourself no matter what your circumstances look like. Over time, self-compassion acts as the building blocks for self-love, which no one or nothing can take away from you. Why develop these practices? When you can practice mindfulness and self-compassion in tandem, then you bring more acceptance and understanding to your life circumstances instead of judging yourself for not having the perfect life. I hope this is helpful and I wish you all the best. If you’re interested in this type of approach a holistic therapist can help you learn these tools and put them into daily practice.

Answer (from Viviana DiazLicensed Professional Counselor):
Endings in relationship are difficult, and my heart goes out to you. It is difficult to start again, but not impossible. After a break up we may loss our identify and grieve what could have been, and some other aspects that are brought up to the surface. You recognize that you have become needy and unsure. I wonder, if you have grieved properly. The end of a relationship can trigger our inner insecurities, and I think it would benefit you to go within yourself and explore where are these feelings coming from.  Your anxiety may be trying to tell you something that you needs your attention. This is work that you need to take time with, and I am not sure other entanglements helps you to heal or distract you from going deeper into healing regardless of your status, career. Being content means a state of openness and peace, and acceptance. Wish you healing and hope!

Answer (from Audrey ONealBi-lingual Psychotherapist and HeartMath Certified Practitioner):
It appears to me that you feel unmoored as a result of the break and the experience has triggered some self- doubt and anxiety. Your lack of self- belief seems to further propel you to seek validation from the person you are casually involved with.  One of the ways to find peace within yourself could be to engage in life and find fulfillment in healthy experiences.. Theorist  Karen  Horney considered  this approach a form of therapy.  She taught that most  individuals could thrive once their fears and anxieties had been alleviated. I hope that will practice self acceptance daily be using expressive writing to document the areas of your life you are thankful for and that bring you joy.