Topic: trauma

Question: My past is holding me back from my future. How can I get my life back?
There are issues from my past that have me very heavily burdened in my heart. I've been torn for so many years and I need help so I can move on with my life.
   I experienced trauma when I was 8 years old and I did come out about it until I was 40.
   Now I know this is what's holding me back on my happiness. I've met a very loving and caring man but because I'm holding on to these things from my past I’m pushing him away.
   How can I get my life back?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
How does holding on to this serve you? Not becoming married to the trauma will be key.  Recreating your life and what that means, what you want it to be. Considering who you would be, what would life be like had this not occurred, not letting it usurp your life. Take your power back.  Releasing any feelings of resentment,   shame, regret. Going as far as to grieve and forgive what could have been and this part of your life history, life story.  If you are open you can write a letter saying what you are still feeling and you can choose even to write the response you would love to receive, and then release it by burning it (safely) or throwing it away! It’s a daily practice, to find peace around this. Have you ever considered the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Hot yoga?

Answer (from Elena Engle, LMHC, EMDRVery Good Counseling):
Often people with extensive trauma have difficulty talking about it. This lessens the impact of traditional talk therapy and there benefits. There is a helpful therapy called EMDR that is limited in the amount of talking and also has quick benefits for the reduction of symptoms. For those who are in great distress you can also complete EMDR therapy every day if you would like/have the means. This can quicken the recovery time from these distressing life events.

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
I understand and just so you know you can move forward ,  Break the glass.  In your own time.  If this new person is right for you they will stay around .  You want someone that can walk the path forward with you in relationships if seeking commitment.  If not maybe this person is here to help or if it is reminding you then you need seek answers.  Get a tarot reading or a crystal reading find out what is around to help guide you.  Talk to a spiritual advisor.  ✨🙏

Answer (from Jason PolkI help couples get along better!):
There is a modality developed by Pia Mellody called "Post induction therapy" (PIT). The work has been continued by Jan Bergstrom who wrote the book: "Gifts From A Challenging Childhood. The premise of the work is that you can "reparent" those wounded parts of you. A quote from Jan's book is, "If it's hysterical, it's historical." I've done this sort of work myself and its been hugely beneficial for my relationship. The idea is when "triggered" by my partner, I'm going to request space and affirm, validate and even love that younger part of myself that's hurting and remind them that I (as the functional adult I am) can handle my partner.  Basically, I'm practicing getting in a more centered space and thus, I'm able to be more relational. This is a practice, but the idea is to provide some separation from the trigger and an automatic reaction. You can do it, especially if you love him and he's worth it.

Answer (from Fred RogersQue Sera Sera Counseling ):
Unresolved issues/ Unresolved past - using Gestalt therapy, one does gets a closure to their unresolved emotions. Try talking to a therapist !

Answer (from Jennifer Jenkins-BoitnottEMDRIA Approved Consultant & Certified EMDR Therapist):
I would recommend finding an EMDR therapist. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is an integrative psychotherapy approach that has been extensively researched and proven effective for the treatment of trauma. As an EMDR therapist can attest to the massive changes that using EMDR has had for many of the people I have worked with.

Answer (from Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind):
Trauma=Trauma Therapy. It's time to stop avoiding what happened and work on it! Brainspotting or EMDR are two very powerful ways to treat Trauma, get into therapy and work on it. Another thing you can do is talk to your partner about it, if you're ready, and hopefully he is ready to love all of you. I would definitely do some Brainspotting and/or Bodyspotting to see where the trauma has been living all this time! Hope this helps!

Answer (from Meira AlonChild, Trauma & Veteran Therapist):
You are so brave to come out and talk about your trauma! I hope it started helping you with your healing process. I think you have good instinct, often past especially past trauma can hold us back in areas we aren't even aware of since you have spent so much time trying to compensate and feel ok. It's important to continue to seek the right therapist to help you process your trauma, identify triggers and work through them. Once you start doing this hard work you will start to feel better, and it won't affect your life as much as it is today. If you are comfortable I would share what you can with your current partner, even if it's just to say that you have experienced trauma in your past. This way it will help your partner be more empathetic and understand that you are trying to work through it but it will take time.

Answer (from Ashton SullivanDialectical Behavior Therapy and EMDR):
I'm so sorry that you have been haunted by the past for so long.  It must have been incredibly difficult to open up about something so dark and vulnerable.  But by shedding light on it you have already taken the first step toward healing.  Trauma can wreak havoc on relationships if it isn't healed.  In fact, we are all reacting to things every day based on perceptions colored by our past experiences.  The good news is, you can heal by gaining an understanding of how trauma from the past is affecting you now, developing healthy coping skills, and working through those memories and emotions with a therapist.  This will require some "rewiring of the brain," meaning that you will identify the negative thought patterns and beliefs, and replace them with something more helpful.  For example, if your negative reaction feels like "I'm abandoned and alone," you might work on changing it to "I can get my needs met, and I'll be okay regardless." Or if you find yourself feeling like "I'm not worthy of love," you might change that to something like "I deserve to be loved."Most likely, the reason you're pushing this man away is because something about this relationship is triggering negative beliefs and emotions from the past, and your reaction (by pushing him away) protects you in some way even though there may not be any real danger now.  You probably know this logically, but trauma gets stuck in our emotional mind which you can't reason with!  That's why you have to work through the emotions to be able to see things more clearly from a new and more helpful perspective.  I like to think of emotions like clouds that block the sun and make it difficult to see anything clearly.  If we ignore and avoid the clouds all the time then we will spend our lives looking at the ground.  If you can learn to safely weather the storm,  you'll find that before long it will pass and you'll be able to see things clearly again.I recommend working with a therapist who is trained in treating trauma and who you feel comfortable with because they will be able to tailor treatment to your specific needs.  You can have the happy life and healthy relationship you desire and deserve!