Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Danielle Thomas, LMFTFinding Safety through Transparency ):
What a great question. There is no one size fits all to the answer unfortunately because it is based solely on what draws a connection between the two of you. Deciding on a therapist is not an easy process just as deciding on a physical health practitioner. I would suggest first inquiring about areas of specialty and alining this with what you desire to obtain from therapy. Secondly, I would suggest requesting a consultation to engage in dialogue to aid you with getting a feel of your comfort level with speaking to him or her. Lastly, I would suggest asking their level of experience with whatever your presenting concern is. I hope that I have offered you some sense of direction. Good luck to you. Be safe, and don't forget to exercise some form of self-care routinely.

Answer (from Jessica Fealk, MA, LPCwww.dalycounseling.com (Michigan)):
You will generally feel a 'click,' or 'connection,' with a counselor through their bio, website, and/or on the phone during a consult (if one is provided).  Counseling is about the true you having a safe place to come out.  With the right therapist you will feel safe to be your true self, in all your glory! In order to get what you need from treatment, be clear with what you are looking for.  I believe a great counselor is person-centered and partners with the client, inviting the client to determine the goals, and where they would like to get to.  Then the therapist and client work together to get to the client's desired destinations!

Answer (from Ryan HollimanYou deserve more, let me help you get the life you deserve!):
I think there are two major things that are necessary for a therapist to be helpful.  The first is that you must feel comfortable with them.  If you feel like the counselor was interested in your life and was caring during the first session, that's a good sign.  If not, then run!  Trust your gut on this one.  The second important thing is that you have to trust your counselor.  Your counselor can be kind, but if they just sit there and nod, without providing you anything, its probably isn't a good fit.  Just like when you go to a medical doctor, you're putting your care in their hands, so you need to feel like there is expertise.If you not getting those things, I would encourage you to voice your needs (though I know that can be hard).  If you counselor listens to that feedback, it's generally a good sign, and if they don't it may be a sign that this isn't a good fit.  The important thing is, that you have to find a good fit.  Just like any other relationship, not everyone is going to be a perfect match together.

Answer (from Chaya LernerGrief Therapist):
Your therapist will show up for you not only keeping your appointments but s/he will listen to you. S/he will use your language. Also s/he will respectfully confront you when appropriate.

Answer (from Patrick Santilli, LPCCTelehealth Therapist in Ohio):
Finding the right therapist for you can be a stressful process but is important. I often explain it as buying a new car. "We need to test drive the new car to understand how it handles, looks or feels, etc." It is common for clients to know their therapist is the right fit after the first few minutes of speaking with them. Other times, it doesn't happen until a few sessions. Finding what criteria are important for you in a therapist is a good way to see if the one you are working with fits. Example criteria may include their gender, age, specific training or expertise, certain life experiences, tone of voice, conversation style, projection of empathy, approach to sessions (more question asking or problem-solving), or overall personality compatibility. There is nothing wrong with changing therapists if you do not feel it is the right fit. Feedback always helps with the therapy process if you feel like it is a right fit but the therapist may not be giving you what you need at that time. We are trained to understand this is a part of the process and can provide great resources for clients to find someone else if that is what is needed.

Answer (from JOSH MARLAR):
This is an important question.  The right therapist does not necessarily need to share all of your views, but they do need to share your goals.  I cannot over-stress the importance of setting goals with your therapist.  They may change over time, but you and the therapist should be on the same page.  There is nothing wrong with being upfront about what your needs are, and the therapist should be able to help you do that.  Keep in mind that what you need in the beginning may be different than what you need in the end as you grow and change throughout the course of therapy.

Answer (from Amanda SamuelsCo-Parenting and Infidelity Couples Counseling):
How do you feel when you meet with your therapist?  Are you comfortable?  Do you feel safe?  Do you feel like you are gaining something from the experience?  Therapy has its ups and downs, it is hard, and sometimes it won't feel good- that is when you are growing and learning the most.  If you feel comfortable, safe, like you can tell your therapist anything (after getting to know her/him- not in the first session), and that you are getting help with what brought you in; then you might have found the right therapist for you.  I always say, its just a feeling- you'll know.

Answer (from Michelle HuczekLPC-IT, MS):
Setting expectations for treatment at the very beginning would help you to know if you have found the "right one" for you. This is how you'd address "training" your therapist to give you what you need. However, the therapist is not there to fix you, that's your job. A therapist is another set of eyes on your life and the presenting issues you come in to discuss. Sometimes you may not like what the therapist has to say, and just maybe that is what you "needed" that day. Therapy also takes time, it's not a quick fix. If there's a certain type of therapy you'd like, then again you'd discuss that in the very beginning.