Topic: behavioral-change

Question: How do I stop sneaking away from home at night?
I'm a teenager and I've been sneaking out of my house at night for a year now. I've been caught several times. I want to stop doing this but I don't know where to start. How do I stop?

Answer (from Joel DaughertyFaith-based Counselor in Lake Charles, LA):
I've talked to many teens who frequently sneak out. The question I always ask them is, "What are you getting from sneaking out that you aren't getting at home?" Many teens answer they are hooking up, using substances, and engaging in other risky behaviors. As uncomfortable as it might be, I encourage you to talk with your parents or guardians about the reasons why you are sneaking out. What are you getting "out there" that you aren't getting at home? A good family counselor can help sort through those issues. Good luck!

Answer (from Pamela SuraciBuild on your strengths, grow in your challenge areas and improve your life!):
When you say you've "been caught", I am assuming that means your parents know you've been sneaking out.  If that's the case, could you ask for their help?  Sometimes just knowing someone else is holding you accountable really makes a difference.  That could be as simple as Dad checking in on you at, say, 2 am, just to make sure you are where you are supposed to be.If you are sneaking  out to hang out with friends, find another way to connect with them - if they are truly friends they will want to support you in your resolution to stay put at night.  Maybe you can ask for their support by telling them to stop including you in late night plans.There is likely a reason you were sneaking out, but there's a reason you want to stop too - so get support.  No one changes hard habits on their own!Best of luck to you - you can do this and it will help you change other things in the future.

Answer (from Kevin MimmsBuilding Better Connections):
Hi,When we can't stop doing things that we know are wrong, it can help to take a closer look at how we make our decisions. Usually we are getting something good out of these bad behaviors, such as feeling excited or taking our minds off of bad things. It is really hard to change these things without helping us get the good effect in a more healthy way. I hope this helps.

Answer (from Heidi Haddad):
Hi...let's start with what's causing you to sneak out of the house?Understanding the motivation behind your actions (in this case...your sneaking out at night) can often times help you create the change you want.  Are you arguing with your parents? Do you feel misunderstood? Alone? Scared? Stressed out? What are you doing once you leave the house? Where are you going? Are people in your home in conflict? Do you feel safer when you leave? Most importantly, reflect on what may be behind the reason for your wanting to leave the house and feeling not in control of your actions?  Talk to someone about what's going on, because maybe that person could help you create the movement you are seeking.

Answer (from Shy PorterSpecialist in couples & individuals):
This is not totally unusual behavior, but the fact that you would like to stop and cannot seem to be able to points to something deeper. That cannot be unpacked online, but I'm glad that you're in this space and asking this question. Try to find a therapist who seems like a good fit and begin to get to work on this issue and what all is going on for you. You're not alone!

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Where do you go and what is your reason to go wherever this is?Try to understand these reasons because the answers may give you good guidance as to other ways to get what   it is your trying to reach by sneaking from your home at night.If for example, you're sneaking out because your parents are arguing and you feel hurt by this and want to escape hearing their arguments, then you can come up with other ways to hear less of their arguments.If you sneak out bc your parents restrict your friends or time to socialize with your friends, and your friends are doing legal and safe behaviors, then maybe you could do some socializing online w them.Also, I wonder the reason why either of your parents isn't aware that you leave the house.  Do you feel your parent would offer and would you ask your parent to give their suggestions so you feel more motivated to stay home?