Topic: intimacy

Question: Is it possible for a couple to overcome cheating if it only happened once?
My fiancé and I have been together for 3 years and our relationship has always been good. The only issue we had was that he felt like he wasn't getting enough sexual attention from me.    I recently found out he cheated on me with another women. He says he wants his family back but I'm confused on what to do. Is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?

Answer (from Zofia Czajkowska, PhD OPQPsychologist in Montreal):
Infidelity is common. In a largest study conducted to date about 10-15% of women and 20-25% of men admitted to being unfaithful while in a monogamous relationship. You are not alone and you can get through this just like countless couples have done before you. First of all, you need to know that although there may be reasons for his behaviour (e.g., not feeling sexually satisfied) those are not excuses. He could have chosen to masturbate instead of cheating on you, right? Your partner needs to own his choices and if he is capable of doing it and is truly willing to work on the relationship with you to make it stronger, more transparent and more fulfilling for both of you, then there is hope. The question is : are you willing to put in all this extra work? Forgiveness is not easy and it may take a lot of time and effort for you to consciously choose to trust again. It won't just happen if you don't work on it. And yes, it's unfair that you are being asked to work on this, when he is the one who had been unfaithful. Even though it is hard, you need to be able to let go at some point of having all the power in the relationship, because right now you have it as the one who had been cheated on. You cannot hold on to being the victim forever because it will create an imbalance in your relationship making it less healthy in the long-run. All of this is hard work. Is he and this relationship worth it? Are you equally committed to making it work? If so, don't abandon this relationship just yet. Work on it together (ideally get a few sessions with an experienced couple counsellor) and see where that gets you. For additional specific ideas check out my tips for how to deal with infidelity in a relationship. Good luck!

Answer (from Renelle NelsonHelping you create a Pleasurable lifestyle in and out the bedroom.):
HelloYes many couples have survived infidelity. How sincere is he with wanting to work it out?That means alot in recovery. The key is to understand that cheating is a choice. Please don't take the betrayal personal.Look at the foundation of the relationship.  Is there cracks that can be healed? How do you feel about betrayal? Honest communication is the key to healing. Never assume monogamy discuss it. No one can tell you if you should stay or go. That is a very personal decision. Start by setting up face to face time to discuss the affair and emotions.  If this may be hard please get a counselor or therapist that can meditate this journey. Just remember even if you decide to leave you still need support to heal. Just because you leave the situation,  the trauma still exists.

Answer (from Anna McElearneyHelping Couples Build Stronger Relationships):
Hello. Thank you for your question. Many couples that experience infidelity in their relationship face this important question - "is it possible for us to get past the cheating, or should I just move on?" Deciding to stay or leave is such a personal decision, one that only you can make.When an affair is disclosed or found out, it can have a traumatic impact on the betrayed partner. The betrayed partner might be overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts - Wanting answers to specific questions - Wanting details. And the partner that had the affair might be feeling overwhelm around "Will their partner ever forgive them?" "Will they trust them again?" "How long will it take to regain their trust again?" While it is possible for couples to get past the cheating, it does take a commitment from each partner to do the work needed. Because of the complexities cheating has on the bond couples have with each other, I would recommend seeing a couple therapist that specializes in working with the issue of infidelity. When infidelity happens, there are usually a number of secrets that accompany it, and this can be incredibly difficult for couples to work through on their own.

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
Do you feel he will do this again, and do you trust him, can
you trust him again?.   Would you and he
be open to couples’ therapy? There are many variables to consider but asking yourself these questions could
give you some clarity.

Answer (from Tanya LorenziRecover. Reconnect. Recommit.):
Hello. I'm sorry that this happened to you, and that you are struggling with making a decision about this. In my experience, a couple can absolutely overcome cheating and get back to the relationship they once had. Hopefully, the other relationship is over, and you can work on rebuilding the trust that has been broken. It will be difficult for the both of you to move past this, and getting professional help as you navigate rebuilding your relationship is a good idea. Just know that you can get past this, many couples do.Good luck!

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Definitely yes, it is possible for a couple to trust each other again and become close with each other.Since your trust was broken, your fiancé would need to earn back your belief that he is faithful to you.Do you feel he empathizes with how you felt to find out about his cheating?Before you have this question answered, based on what you write there is a sense of your own doubt as to whether you are with the right partner.Before you and he address regaining your trust, first decide if you'd like to work on this.Ask yourself if the sexual attention he felt he wasn't getting from you was bc you're not as interested in him as you imagine or once felt in the past.If each of you sincerely wants to be together, it is possible to talk about your respective needs and help the other person feel safe again with the other.

Answer (from Marissa TalaricoSex and Relationship counseling):
As a relationship therapist I work with couples all the time that are in the repair phase of their relationship after infidelity. The short answer to this, is not only is it possible to have a satisfying and fullfilling relationship after infidelity, it happens more often that we may know. The current rate of infidelity is high, while it's not important to go into many reasons, it mau be important to know you aren't alone in this! My biggest suggestion for you would be to seek out a professional counselor that specializes in working with couples healing from infidelity. Best of luck!

Answer (from Toni Teixeira, LCSWYour road to healing begins here):
Betrayal in a relationship can be one of the most difficult things a relationship can sustain. Sometimes feelings about the betrayal may also trigger past wounds. The fact that "it only happened once" may not make it any easier to move forward. I highly recommend working with a mental health professional who has experience working around the issue of infidelity. Together, you can work on healing the wounds and moving forward. I do believe it is possible to move forward, if both partners are ready and willing to do the work to move forward together and create a new vision for their relationship.