Topic: parenting

Question: I think my daughter is stressing too much
When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.

Answer (from Keyonne Spencer, MS, LPCEnriching the lives of couples, individuals and families.):
Hi there Mom! Just look at all of the things that a teen has to juggle and it's no surprise they're stress out. There are simply not enough minutes in the day to get everything done.  So, they react by cutting into important times such as social interaction and sleep.  Our fast paced, fast food, society is taking its toll on our teen generation. While multi-tasking seems to be a hot pop word, it simply doesn't work.  We aren't wired to do our best at multiple things at once.  We are not machines but rather humans who are going to quickly expire if we don't get a handle on our stress.As adults, it's time we intervene and teach our teens how to maintain a healthy balance between work and play.  We need to help them prioritize and put first things, first.  Are you putting first things, first in your life?  If not, it's a good time to start. Best of luck to you and your daughter in whatever you decide to do.

Answer (from Francesca Steele MS, LMHC, CHTsoulspeak wellness florida, inc.):
I understand that as a mom it must be really hard to see your daughter stressing about things at school. Based on your description it sounds as though she has very high expectations of herself and is pushing herself to keep up. I hear your concern and recommend that to start, you provide her a space where she can express herself openly to you without judgement. Although it may seem as though this is "not normal", unfortunately it is. From standardized testing, to awards, to scholarships, the pressure is on to perform at high levels for kids today. Secondly, I would recommend that you connect her with therapist that can teach her coping and stress management skills that can help alleviate some of her anxiety. A therapist can also help her identify any faulty beliefs she may have in regards to perfectionism or fear of failure. You're doing a great job keeping an eye out for your daughter and being in tune with her emotional wellness!

Answer (from Susan Resnik, M.Ed, LMHCOxford Counseling Services):
I hear that you are concerned about your daughter's reaction and her emotional well being. Her behaviors are worry some as you feel she seems to be approaching her breaking point. I would suggest speaking to your daughter about the situation at school and her feelings. Listening and acknowledging your daughter's feelings without judgement or giving solutions is a very effective communication skill. Ask your daughter how she feels about speaking to a therapist or her doctor. Someone that she knows and feels comfortable talking to about her feelings and learning healthy coping skills to address stressful situations.

Answer (from Ingrid d'AquinI am offering new possibilities in life. I help people find RELIEF and HOPE..):
It sounds to me like your daughter is anxious to be perfect and has a low tolerance for failure.  As her mother one of the most important messages you can share with her is that she need not be perfect, nor is it necessary.  As a matter of fact, failure and making mistakes are only opportunity to learn and grow.  Give her permission and more importantly she needs to give herself permission to be a perfectly flawed human.  It may be a good idea to see a therapist to help her learn how to reframe some of her negative beliefs so she can form healthier thinking habits. Warm wishes.

Answer (from Mirella Caro-CortesHelping Families & Marriages Repair, Recover & Thrive):
Dear Concern Mom, Sadly, kids nowadays stress a lot about school and compete with one and another.  Determine Career-minded students, tend to be very hard on themselves and can eventually become very anxious about things.  Whereas, it is a good thing to be driven it can break you down too.  Therefore, I recommend that you find your young daughter someone that can help her find ways to cope with her strong desire to doing well in school. Getting ahead of it now before she gets worst is the best thing you could do for her.  Best of luck to you and your daughter.  Sincerely, Mirella~Image and Likeness Counseling

Answer (from Meg McKeon):
Thank you for being an observant parent and taking the very important step toward getting help for you as well as your daughter. The period of adolescence and emerging adulthood are tumultuous times for youth ( and their parents). The pressure to fit-in, be liked, and succeed could be some of the contributing factors for your daughter's stress. I  have had many adolescent clients who do very well academically, but keep it well hidden from their peers so that they can fit in. She is still learning about herself, her abilities and how to like herself none of which are easy tasks even for adults. The academic success that you refer to only tells part of the story. As I read your statement, I got a sense of what your daughter does and that you are proud of her academic accomplishments. However, I would also want to ask her who she is as a person and encourage her to explore that with assistance from a therapist.By working with a therapist your daughter will have the opportunity to discuss her stress, fears, and focus on achievement with an objective person. As she gains a better understanding of the source of her stress and learns some stress management, she can also learn to communicate her concerns to you. I do recommend starting with a therapist rather than the doctor. If the therapist believes that your daughter's symptoms would benefit from a health exam and/or medication they will make that recommendation.