Topic: intimacy

Question: Is it wrong for me to be attracted to my girlfriend?
I'm 15 and my girlfriend is 14. Am I a pedophile because I'm attracted to her and she's under 18?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
Wait what?  Normal teenage experiences.   A pedophile is someone that is attracted to children meaning under your age category.   This is regarding mostly adults that are over age of 18.   You are only one year apart.  Try and focus on friendship and work on keeping yourself busy in activities so that you are not having these type of thoughts.  Direct this energy into a more productive activity like sports, reading, biking, exercising or something other than negative thought patterns.  Don't attract what isn't supposed to be part of your life.  good luck.

Answer (from Frank WalkerI help couples manage the bumpy road called marriage. Whether your marriage needs a tune up, a major overhaul or just a flat tire changed. I can help.):
You are not a pedophile. You are both under 18 and your age is appropriate for a relationship. There would be a possible problem if she was 10 or younger. Pedophelia, is a whole other problem that you probably should not be worried about. I would be happy to talk with you in more detail about this.

Answer (from Liana NelsonPsychotherapist):
It is very natural for you to be attracted to someone that you find an interest in building a romantic relationship with.  These feelings are an emotional response toward adulthood.  You are at a healthy age to start the development of attraction and intimate bonds with those around you.  Pedophilia is a disorder in which adults or older adolescents find themselves continuously sexually attracted to children and minors.  At the age of 15, you are still considered a child/minor yourself that is growing into his own adulthood.  This is healthy for you to seek the elements of attraction and intimacy.  There may be a lot of confusion during this time due to the effects of puberty and all the changes you may be experiencing during your adolescence phase.  In this case, see if you are able to reach out to your parents, caregivers, and/or trusted adults to seek an understanding of those elements to help with any confusion with age, attraction, and underage dating.

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
A pedophile by definition is anyone who is sexually attracted to children.  This is applicable to children to are pre-pubescent.  So I'm repeating others here, but you are not a pedophile!The fact that you worry about this means that you wouldn't be OK with being a pedophile.  Sounds like you have a healthy reaction to your girlfriend!

Answer (from Brandon CoussensCouples Counseling, Premarital Counseling and Sex Therapy):
The short answer is, NO! It is not wrong for you to be attracted to your girlfriend. You are a perfectly healthy person. When puberty hits, hormones start changing and it is a natural to be interested and attracted to others. It may feel wrong, especially if you are a Christian and have grown up in that home due to the messages that are sometimes sent your way. But as a Christian myself and a counselor, I remind people that every human is made with a very similar biological make-up. If humans did not have an innate attraction to others, then the human race would not survive because we would not marry or have children. You are not a pedophile!

Answer (from David KleinHumanistic, LGBT-Affirmative Psychotherapy for Individuals & Couples):
Nope! In fact you are NOT a pedophile. That term is reserved for older adolescents attracted to children, or adults who are attracted to children. I see an age difference as being one key factor in determining pedophilia if the older person is still in adolescence. You being only a year older than your girlfriend doesn't qualify, so go right ahead and be attracted to your girlfriend without shame!

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
You wrote that each of you is under the age of 18.   A 15 year old cannot be a pedophile because you're not an adult.Also, if you mean "girlfriend" in a romantic way then this makes sense bc romantic relationships include physical attraction to the other person.

Answer (from Earl LewisRelationship Expert):
No. You are not a pedophile. You are both under the appropriate age where it would be seen so. Your both only a year a part so this shouldn't a worry to you. Like Frank said below, Pedophelia is a problem that won't apply to this situation.

Answer (from Kristi King-Morgan, LMSWSocial Worker, Psychotherapist):
No, that's perfectly normal. You're under 18, too. You're only a year older than she is. This is absolutely normal. What would be wrong is if you did anything to her against her will. Always remember that NO means NO, respect her, respect yourself, and be a normal teenager! Have a healthy relationship. Holding hands, kissing, and more should only be done when both are comfortable with it and agree to it. Although it is frowned upon by a lot of people, it's no secret that teenagers do have sex (even if their parents and perhaps religion would definitely not want them to do it). Only you can make the choice that is right for you. Just be responsible in the choices you make. Some states have laws on what age is old enough for consensual sex. You'd be surprised how young those ages are. A 14 year old having sex with a 20 year old would be against the law, but someone the same age as her, or just one year older is not. "Wrong" can be defined in a lot of different ways, though. Is it against the law? No. Is it against your religion? I can't answer that for you. You can, however, have a relationship that is not physical in any way. It's okay to just be with her and enjoy her company. You can hang out, watch movies together, go on dates, do whatever it is that both of you enjoy doing. Your relationship can be anything you want it to be.