Topic: family-conflict

Question: What can I do when my family doesn't accept my sexuality?
I'm a teenage gay girl, and I'm in love with a girl a few years older than me. She loves me too, but we're not physically together at the moment. I've been thinking about being transgender soon too, but my family doesn't accept me, so I honestly don't know what to do about that because I feel like I have to constantly hide the real me. It hurts so much to hide the real me. What can I do?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
Sending you healing vibes as you endure their being unaccepting. I wanted to share this video about coming out Coming OutI know it is hard when those we love do not accept us as we are.  One thing to ask, is this something that you need their approval around?  Owning who you are regardless of what others say sometimes helps.  This may not be a part of your life you can share with them.  We all have areas we have strong beliefs. Ideally, they would accept you no matter what but that does not seem to be the case.  Deciding if this is a deal-breaker, or can you work around it, not sharing this part of your life, and understanding we cannot force people to embrace what they do not want to embrace.  You get to live your life as you see fit and be happy. You deserve joy and to live authentically!   If you are confident in your choice, choose your choice, own that, and set boundaries around it.  You do not have to live your life for others.  Loving yourself and being convicted in your choice regardless of others will be beneficial. Many in your situation have created a soul family of people who accept and love them or who they are, and you deserve that community.  Stay Safe,  and always do what would keep you safe, and with the necessities you need.

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Many people do not accept the reality of gender beyond male and female.Obviously if your family doesn't accept your questioning status then this feels painful.All you really can do is continue your self-examination and know you're in a non-supportive family of doing so.To know the truth about your surroundings is much better than to not know, and also much better than pretending you are not in your current phase of gender expression questioning.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
They would probably be helpful to speak with a local mental health professional about this, not because there's anything wrong with the real you, but because having these conversations can be difficult and you may choose to talk about your real self in different ways with different people.Maybe you could talk about your concerns with your significant other and discuss different ways you may be able to discuss your relationship that fit with how each of you defines your love for one another.Because you are saying openly that you are gay, and it sounds like you already identify yourself as gay, as compared to considering being transgender "soon," it may be worth considering disclosing the fact that you are gay now and disclosing the idea that you are transgender after you have worked through that yourself. I would like for you to be able to be true to yourself and show the real you. It could also be that you already know that you are transgender, but with the way that you  phrased it here, I'm not certain.Here is a link to a hotline that you may want to consider using. The Trevor Project is about helping teenagers who identify as LGBTQ: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/Here is another national site where you may be able to find a local chapter: https://www.pflag.org/I don't know what you mean when you said that your family will not accept you, but since you are concerned about your family's reaction, I would suggest that it may be helpful to have a therapist or some other support in place before telling your family. The decision of whether or not to wait longer to tell them is ultimately yours, but I wonder if you have a likelihood of explaining what you are experiencing in a way that would be truer to you and also perhaps easier for your family to follow if you had time to process it with supportive people first.Please remember that you are not alone in this. There are people in the world who can and will accept you for who you are.