Topic: family-conflict

Question: I don't know how to deal with my boyfriend's father
We rent from from my boyfriend's parents. His father drops by unannounced and stays for long periods of time. He lets himself into our home when we aren't there on a daily basis and takes our dogs to his house. He picks up our mail. He has NO boundaries.    He's an opinionated, rude pushy person. He expects to spend every weekend around us, gives unsolicited advice on child rearing and does not respect our privacy at all. He barges in with no warning. He has a key and lets himself into our house without asking permission. I need help. How do I address this?

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
“He has NO boundaries.” That says it all! Enforce strict boundaries, set them, and abide by them.  Do not bend. What does your boyfriend say about his father’s intrusiveness? This video on Boundaries Could be helpful.  Also is there a chance you can move to have more privacy and peace?  Boundaries

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
You're expecting reasonable behaviors from your boyfriend's father.Since the father is his, your boyfriend is the person in position to speak directly with his dad about the expectations you and he have of the father.If your boyfriend has a good relationship w his dad, which is not what this sounds like, then great!If your boyfriend has a stressed and tense relationship w his dad, then somehow he needs to develop or be coached and encouraged by the people in his life who truly care about and know him, a way to state the very reasonable standards you describe here.If all else fails, then a new living space is always another possibility!