Topic: parenting

Question: I get verbally abused everyday by my parents in front of my child and I cannot take it anymore
I'm being verbally abused on a daily basis by my parents in front of my child. I feel like I’m trapped and I have no escape. I feel like I have to listen to the horrible things they say and just take all of it.
   I need some way of learning how to cope with listening to it especially since I have nowhere else to go. I feel very emotionally drained How can I deal with this?

Answer (from Ashton SullivanDialectical Behavior Therapy and EMDR):
Wow, that's tough.  It's understandable to feel trapped when the people you depend on are mistreating you.  While you can't change your parents, fortunately you can work on changing yourself and your situation.Often, the clients I work with feel trapped when there are actually things they can do to change their situation.  The problem is, our emotions can be so powerful they can distort our perception of reality or prevent us from doing the things necessary to build a better life.  Work through this with a therapist to see if your emotions might be getting in the way and look outside the box for things that you can do to change your situation.  In the meantime, here are some other things you can work on.1.)  Assume the best and try not to take it personally.  Most likely your parents don't want to cause you harm, but they don't know any other way to cope with their emotions or communicate effectively.  For example, they may feel that they failed as parents somehow but they take their frustrations out on you.  Maybe their disappointment comes off as anger or frustration directed towards you.  Maybe they feel powerless and the abuse gives them an outlet or a sense of control (i.e., an unhealthy way of coping).  This doesn't excuse them for treating you that way but can help in understanding that this may be all they know and the abuse is the problem- not you.2.)  Communicate.  Relationships are transactional, meaning that what you do and say affects me, and what I do and say affects you.  One way we influence people is with the way we communicate (our words, body language, actions, tone of voice, etc.).  If you don't say or do anything, you are essentially communicating that it is acceptable.Instead, tell them clearly and respectfully every time their words or actions hurt you.  Sometimes people don't realize how their words and actions affect us (or they don't know how else to say things), but it is our responsibility to let them know and to set the boundaries.  Remember that while it is your parents' responsibilities to manage their own emotions and communication, it is your responsibility to take care of your own.You could say something like, "when I hear you say that it really hurts," "please don't say things like that to me," or even more clearly, "it's not okay to talk to me that way.  Please find a more respectful way to say you need."  Each time you are correcting them and teaching them how to treat you.  I realize that this doesn't always work because ultimately people are gonna do do what they want, but these are ways that you can practice standing up for yourself.  You may have to say these things over and over again, but it's better than not saying anything at all.  Not only will it help your self esteem, but you will be modeling healthy boundaries and communication for your child.None of this is easy work and since people are so complex, there isn't a quick and easy fix.  I definitely recommend working with a therapist to explore what's keeping you stuck and how you can work through it.  It would be awesome if your parents would be on board with learning some healthier ways to communicate as well.  I hope this helps and things work out!

Answer (from Amelia Mora MarsHi, I'm Amelia. I help overwhelmed, stressed out teen girls and women find peace again.):
Hello, I am sorry to hear about you feeling verbally abused, trapped without an escape, and emotionally drained. Sounds to me like you are being treated more like a child than an adult.  It's time to learn about healthy boundaries and being treated like an adult. This process will take time, but beyond elevating your self-esteem and worth, you will be modeling to your children a healthy adult. Model to them an empowered, confident, and person that is worthy of respect. Please invest in yourself. Find yourself a therapist that encourages and empowers you to have a voice and not feel invisible. You'll be so glad you did!

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
I understand and sending you some protection and positive vibes to you ✨🙌  Sometimes manifestations can or maybe  a past life regression or even your blueprint could be causing this in this life time.  Just so you understand it is not your fault.  This is something they are dealing with and projecting.  If you do not live with them it is time to do some energy work for protection and distant yourself.  Your child does not need this kind of programming.  When it starts place your hand on your heart chakra 💕 visualize a mirror stay calm do not get angry so they don't steal your energy.  Silence is golden.  Have the child away from them.  If it gets dangerous ask them kindly to leave.  Tell them that you would appreciate that they do not speak to you or your child and if it continues you will seek protection.

Answer (from Michele RameyMRTherapy, LLC- Because Help Is One Of A Kind):
Honestly, you can't deal with it alone. It sounds like you need resources to physically escape first, that sounds like the immediate issue. Plus, you need a game plan for how you respond to your parents until you leave. You are real! You do know that, right? Like pinch yourself... did you feel that? You are a person, you have feelings, did you know that? How much longer do you want to feel this way? Let's find a way for you to get out and get healthy. You and your child need that! Please find someone who can help you to get the help you need, there are a bunch of therapists here, just waiting to help you, like really help you. The first step is to reach out, through a phone call and leave a VM if they don't pick up or emailing them to schedule a session. Hope this is helpful!

Answer (from Audrey ONealBi-lingual Psychotherapist and HeartMath Certified Practitioner):

Answer (from Dr. Melissa ValentinaHonor Yourself and Live Your Truth):
All you can do/control is work on yourself. When you have enough sense of self, you will know how to deal with your family. Therapy is an investment in yourself, which affects your family.

Answer (from Gwendolyn Nelson-Terrywww.GwendolynNelsonTerry.com):
I am so sorry this is happening to you.  One thought I have is for you to create a mantra or a soothing statement to say over and over to yourself as you are being bombarded with this negativity and abuse.  For example you could say "Living here is temporarily, one day I will have my own place".  Or you could say something like "I am a good person, I am a good parent, and I always try to do the best I can".  Saying this over and over to yourself as you are listening to your parents will help you to tune out some of their words but it will also start to build more positive neural connections and start to wire your brain to build and/or strengthen your self esteem.  Focus on the temporary nature of your situation, start making plans for leaving the situation.  If you are under 18 and can't leave because you are in school, now is a good time to start planning for when you can leave.  That when when the opportunity is available you know how you will get a job, how you will find an apartment, who will provide daycare.   This will make the transition out of your parents home much easier and it will give you something to look forward to while you are in their home.  Take care!