Topic: counseling-fundamentals

Question: How would I know if I have the right therapist?
How do you know you have the right therapist for you?
 How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment?

Answer (from Grace Johnsontreating adult anxiety in MI & NY):
It is incredibly
important that a person feels that their therapist is right for them! The
importance of this is not only because they will be asked to be
vulnerable and honest during sessions, but also because it can impact treatment
outcomes. Having confidence in your therapist and the therapeutic relationship can
help foster success in therapy!Generally speaking, it is
a good fit if the therapist has expertise with your particular problem, you connect
the "feel" or “vibe” of the therapist, and you like their treatment
philosophy. In order to find out if it’s a good fit, you may have to directly
ask the therapist about their expertise and treatment philosophy. Many people
are arbitrarily matched to a therapist or believe that they have to see the
first therapist with an available appointment. It is important to remember that
you have a choice in who your provider is!As far as “training” your
therapist, there are caveats here. Your therapist is responsible for providing
ethical and competent services without you having to train them (such as maintaining
appropriate boundaries, maintaining confidentiality, etc.). Assuming they are
meeting those minimum requirements, the hope is that they are also
demonstrating respect for you (such as starting session on time, providing
consistency, and being non-judgmental). If you do not feel respected or you
have concerns about their judgements, I recommend you bring this to their
attention. While the therapeutic relationship is unique and is not like other
relationships in our lives, it is still a relationship. It may be uncomfortable to tell them how
you feel about their behavior, but there can be immense therapeutic value in these
conversations. 
If your therapist is
providing ethical services, competent services, and demonstrating respect for
you, it’s a good start. If you are not getting the results you hope to get from
therapy, it is still not your job to “train” the therapist, but it would be
beneficial to bring this to their attention. Ask them about that goals and
objectives that you are working on and ask for clarity on the direction of
treatment. These conversations can be incredibly beneficial to the therapeutic relationship
and the trajectory of treatment. Alternatively, if you are not feeling good
about the provider, their vibe, the goals, or the direction, it may be time to seek
a consultation with another therapist. “Starting over” in therapy does require
quite a bit of emotional energy but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it!

Answer (from PATRICIA STEPHENSIndividual, Couples and Family Therapist):
How do you know if you have the right therapist?   First you must do your homework regarding what your needs are. Once you determine what your needs are you can narrow your search down to gender, age, background, what they specialize in.  Once you have that information you want to choose a few therapist to interview to get a feel of their communication style and if you feel safe with the therapist.  Sometimes you may have to meet with several therapist  before making a decision.  The key is you feel emotionally and physically safe.

Answer (from Marianne Cook, EdD, LICSWPsychotherapy for Higher Education):
I always recommend that people have a brief phone call with a few potential therapists before deciding to meet one in person. Tell them a bit about whatever is going on with you, and then ask them how they would approach those issues. This should give you an initial sense of how comfortable you feel around them. Do they make you feel heard and understood? Do they give you a sense of relief and hope? These are some questions to consider in that very first phone call, and ones you can continue to ask yourself once you select a therapist and begin working together. There are certain issues that benefit from specific treatments (e.g. Exposure and Response Prevention for OCD) but in most cases, the therapeutic relationship is the biggest influence on how much improvement clients will experience, so it's essential that you get the feeling this is someone you can trust and someone who genuinely cares about you.If you're not getting what you need in therapy, I would encourage you to offer that feedback to your therapist. Therapy is a collaborative process and requires your input. Your therapist should be able to take your feedback constructively and help you consider ways those needs could be met. This might mean changing tack in terms of therapeutic approaches, addressing something in therapy that is getting in the way, or even referring you to someone who has different expertise. Please know that most therapists welcome these kinds of conversations -- our primary aim is to help you feel better!

Answer (from Kevin MimmsBuilding Better Connections):
This is a tricky question. If you have the right therapist, there should be some mutual patience, as it can take time to develop a positive relationship. Sometimes things seem to click right away, but I wouldn’t be discouraged if an instant connection was lacking. Bring up these concerns with them, and a competent therapist will help you to process your fears and your doubts. This can be risky though, especially if the therapist isn’t very experienced or struggles with these competencies. It may even be worthwhile to have trust as a stated goal early in therapy with your counselor, especially if this is something you struggle with often.

Answer (from Zach LeezerIt's hard to live a happy life if you constantly bully yourself. You would never dream of calling your loved ones "failure," "worthless," or "incompetent," yet you call yourself those things every day. Let's talk about that.):
Studies show that the most important determinant of success in therapy is the quality of the relationship between therapist and client. It is very important that you find the right therapist for you. If you feel that your therapist understands you, doesn't judge you, or is someone you can trust, these are all good signs that you have found the right therapist for you. It may take a few sessions for you to know whether you're in the right place or not, but if you decide it isn't working for you, there is no shame in telling your therapist. We want you to get the care you need, and we know we can't be the right fit for everyone.

Answer (from Larry BaumgartnerReal Life Solutions for Real Life Problems):
The conversation on the phone is critical.  it goes both ways, sometimes you just feel in their tone and words that you could be a match. Ask the Therapist questions if you have them. Not every Therapist is a good fit for every client. Not every client is a good fit for every Therapist.

Answer (from Joyce CooneyLicensed Professional Counselor):
Choosing the right therapist is important, Take the time to ask a few questions before setting up the first appointment to determine if you feel it is the right fit. Typically you can tell within the first few minutes of a conversation.

Answer (from Judith Rose-Wilson, PhDCouple’s and Relationship Counseling):
Having a good rapport with your therapist is of vital importance. Your therapist should create a space where you feel safe, comfortable, and judgement free. If you are able to build that strong level of comfort with your therapist, you will feel safe to ask for what you need. It is also important to feel empowered to try a new  therapist if you are not feeling connected. As a therapist, we understand that people have different needs that we may not be able to effectively address for whatever reason. But above all, make sure you get what you need for you. You first!!