Topic: grief-and-loss

Question: How do I deal with the pain of losing my baby?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Recognize and allow yourself to know your feelings.  And, let this process take as long as it naturally requires.  You won't feel this way forever, and the feelings will dissolve by themselves once you've accepted them.Also take good care of your physical self during your grieving time.   Grieving usually means people withdraw themselves from everyday life as much as possible.While emotionally it is necessary to primarily care about knowing your recent loss matters, monitor yourself to eat properly, keep your house in good shape, wash your clothes and take care of your personal hygiene.Otherwise it is possible to get overwhelmed from your own self-neglect of daily life.Finally too, a major loss such as you have, is a time for reflection and re-evaluation of overall life happiness and direction.Let yourself know more about who you are and in which direction you'd like to go as your grief feels more manageable and you regain interest in everyday life.

Answer (from Michelle ComerMaternal, Infant, and Early Childhood Mental Health):
I'm so sorry for your loss.  Here are some things that I know have worked for other parents following the loss of their babies: allow yourself to feel all your feelings no matter how big or scary they may be, find ways to memorialize the baby now and in the future, and don't put a time limit on your grief.  It isn't a linear process so you will have days that make you feel like you did the moment you experienced the loss.  On other days, you will feel better and may not even think about the baby.  I hope you have a really good support system and at least one trusted person you can share your thoughts and feelings with without any judgment.  If you don't, I know parents have found comfort in journaling or blogging as ways to express themselves.  I'm glad you have reached out for help.  I'm wishing you well..

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
First, I'm very sorry that this has happened.With just the information that you mentioned, I'm not sure whether you mean that you lost your baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, very young after being born, or several years into your child's life. While the process of working through your loss would certainly have similar components no matter how old your baby was, there are some differences as well.In general, I would suggest that you find more than one person in your life who you can trust to talk with about your feelings. If you have no one or would prefer to talk to someone who was not as close to you in that sense, consider speaking with a mental health professional.There is quite a process to grieving and it certainly takes time. It's different for everyone and the timetable is different for everyone.Here's a link to some information about some tasks of grieving. This is very general information and it would likely be helpful to work through it with someone: http://therapychanges.com/blog/2015/05/review-wordens-four-tasks-of-grieving/I don't know how long ago you lost your baby, but it may also be helpful to look at what remains that you do have control over. For example, I imagine that you choose what you want to eat, how you want to dress, whether or not to go to school or work, etc. While I'm sure your routine is quite different than it was before your loss, consider establishing a basic routine for daily activities.Also, depending upon the age of your child, you could probably find a local support group.Having pain after losing your baby is quite typical and is a reflection of how important your baby was, and still is, to you. If you feel as though you are going through this alone or without the type of support that you want (it is possible to be surrounded by people and still feel alone), consider finding some effective support as an important beginning step. Reaching out here is certainly the beginning of that.