Topic: anxiety

Question: How can I learn to not shut down and say what's wrong with me?
When I get talked to by my dad or stepmom, or if I'm in trouble, I will begin to cry and not say what's wrong with me. When my dad or stepmom ask what is wrong, I never know the answers or the words to put together what is actually wrong with me.

Answer (from Kaileen McMickle, MS, LPCLicensed Professional Counselor):
I really admire that you want to express yourself to your parents!  It's very normal to have fear about how to talk to a parent, let alone two at the same time.  Most adults don't do what you want to do.Could you come up with what you want to say to them before you are feeling upset?  What do you really need them to know?  Also, do you want your dad and stepmom to meet certain emotional needs for you?  Maybe they would benefit from knowing that you have a hard time expressing yourself when you are upset and can help to come up with ways to help you through that.   Perhaps you need some space from them when you are crying, or maybe you need to talk to one parent alone vs both at the same time. You don't have to wait to be upset to have these conversations either--if you feel you can approach them when things are "calm" (whatever that means for your household), it may be easier to communicate.It's important to know they may not respond the way you want.  It's up to you to decide if you feel safe or not to express yourself, but it seems like you want to if you are seeking an answer for this dilemma!

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Maybe you need more time to reflect and organize your thoughts.Try to figure out what would make you feel more relaxed about talking to your dad or stepmom.Also its possible you simply don't feel safe around either of them and so intuitively realize you're better off not talking with them about a delicate matter.Depending on whether you trust talking to dad and stepmom, you may simply wish to excuse yourself from speaking about yourself.There's no good reason to be heartfelt with people whom you don't feel are willing to accept or understand who you are.