Topic: marriage

Question: How do I get my husband to listen to me?
I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me.    How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time?

Answer (from Dr Traci KochendorferTime for you to " Claim IT" with over 15 years in health and wellness, Ph.D Psy.D D.D. F.P.L.C. recognized on TV and Magazines,):
This brings back when I was doing internship with Dr. Gray as a online coach.  Although I may not agree with a lot of the things he did he has updated his techniques a lot these days.  FYI I kind of one of those interns back then who suggested because I know what I was dealing with during war time with military and my own marriage it wasn't his experience.  Cause it is the energy pattern the way your environment   IT is 101 basic communications and you will still maybe have those men who love to hear themselves talk and if you even try to talk they tell you to " shut up" which is abusive and that is another issue.  But like being hearing impaired or speaking german.  You need a translator or a tool to help or you need to try and learn sign language or speak german Right.  LOL.  Its frustrating.   Men only listen with one side of the brain ( work on that fellas ) women both sides.   You might think " is there something wrong with me" It is not You its the delivery.   I was around a lot of men with military.  Many of their things about their pet peeve in a trusting intimate type relationship like marriage. Is " women complain and nagg to much"  and women say.... " but he doesn't do things"  Right?  LOL.  " I am right and I am better"  But if you complain and nagg at a man too much he isn't going to listen.   Trust me  my cats are the same way.  Like calling them and they ignore me LOL.  ITs conditioning probaly he picked it up from his parents and so on....  What he is doing is detaching that is how he deals with it.  " so you think he isn't listening to you"  Roles today are different men and women are conscious relationships not like the old days we are dealing with both male and female sides.  Empowered.  You need to suppress your male side come back to your feminine not to go into him but him go into you.  I have a book " get your love life running"  coming back to your feminine side.

Answer (from Mirella Caro-CortesHelping Families & Marriages Repair, Recover & Thrive):
Thanks for your question.  Communication is essential between couples and often times gets neglected in relationships.  Working with your husband to help him become a better listener and consequently, a better communicator is going to take some work from your part.  You have to calmly be able to express to him your concern and how it affects you.  Very important is that you do it in a loving and non-threatening way.  Therefore, the time to have this discussion is not when you are frustrated or need to vent to someone about something important.  Focus the discussion on how both of you could benefit from having more meaningful conversations where both parties are being heard and how it is important to you that he hears you just like it is crucial for him to be heard.  There is a lot of useful information online about how to be a good listener or therapist in your area that can help you.  Be patient and genuine, and he will come around.  Best of Luck, Mirella~

Answer (from Dr. Meredyth LawrynceServing Clients Nationwide):
Does he know you do not feel heard?      People typically feed off our energy.  You feel you are not being heard and do all the listening and if you want to take massive action towards your being heard,  communicate your needs. He may not know how you feel and regardless your needs are key and seeking the support you need to move forward in a progressive way is essential.  Get the support you need and deserve.Are there others in your life that allow you to feel heard?

Answer (from Gayle WeillSpecializing in relationships and parenting - additional certifications in Child-parent psychotherapy, Circle of Security-Parenting program, adoption competency, hypnosis, and EMDR):
One of the keys to a successful and loving marriage is respectful communication. Have you talked to your husband about this in a calm and respectful way? You would have to bring this to his attention in a way that doesn’t put him on the defensive because it could very well be that he doesn’t realize he is doing this. An idea of how you could bring this up to him is by letting him know that you love him so much and you are sure that he probably doesn’t do this intentionally but you’ve been feeling unheard when you tell him things. See what he says after you let him know this. Couples therapy could also help you both very much with issues like this that come up.

Answer (from Toni Teixeira, LCSWYour road to healing begins here):
Thanks for reaching out. This is a great question. Communication is definitely a 2-way street. One person cannot participate in a discussion. It takes a talker and a listener. Furthermore, communication will breakdown if each party is only focusing on his or her agenda and is not open to what the other person is saying.  since I can't ask you questions about what is going on, I am going to make a guess at one situation that comes up a lot when I work with couples. One person focuses more on solving the issue, than listening to their partner.  This can be frustrating for the partner who wants to just be "heard."I understand that you are working really hard to listen to him and he might not be putting as much effort into listening to you. That can be really frustrating and difficult and I want to acknowledge you for wanting to improve your relationship.One of the best strategies to gettting heard, is actually to BE A GOOD LISTENER to someone else. I know you are probably already a good listener and for you to work on listening skills may seem counterintuitive, right? You want to get heard and now you are the one doing the listening. But this can really create more effective communication if you invest time working on doing some active listening in your relationship because then you get to model those skills for your husband and allow him to see what it feels like to be listened to and then you can even teach him some of those skills. In other words, you practice specific techniques that you can use and then teach later on. Here are some skills for you to use consciously and then you can teach:Pay attention and use your body language to convey that you are in the conversation. No texting or distractions. Lean in. Focus.Listen for content and for emotion. Clarify what you don't understand. Try to understand the person's underlying emotions. Don't rush to judgement or to changing what is going on with the person. Sit in a place where you are really curious and want to understand what is going on. Encourage the other person to continue speaking, Nod and vocalize that you hear what they are saying.Ask questions to get to understand the other person's point of view.I believe when we can model these kinds of listening skills, and the other person feels heard, they will be more likely to listen to us. If you don't find that this doesn't spill over in that way, then have a discussion about what you are practicing and that you are learning these skills to be a better listener so you can understand him better. Then explain how it might be helpful if you both tried it. If there is push back from him, set up a trial period to just try the skill, perhaps for 2 weeks and see if it helps. If communication is really breaking down, then it might be time to work with a counselor who can help with these skills.Best of luck to you!