Topic: family-conflict

Question: I feel like I'm putting my full effort in my studies, but no one thinks that I am
I'm a teenager, and I know the importance of my upcoming schooling. However, no matter how much I put in my best effort, my family thinks I have done zero effort in total. What can I do?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Your family's opinion is quite demoralizing.Unless you are lying to yourself or to them, then your best effort deserves appreciation and support from family.The family members may have reasons besides the actual outcome of your school work to be so blind to your investment of effort.Maybe they target onto you their unhappiness in some other area of their lives.  It is often easier to create false narratives if a person wants to avoid looking at themselves.Possibly too, the family people may have a twisted logic to their words, as though ignoring your effort is a way to force you to do more.If you feel the family people will listen to the way their words affect you, then definitely tell them.If not, then you are learning an early lesson on how not everyone is necessarily supportive of others, and how disappointing this feels.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
First of all, I'm glad that you posted here and I'm glad that you recognize the importance of schooling.Where does your family get the idea that you are not putting in the effort? While people can interpret "effort" differently, with talking about schoolwork, I would think that your grades would show the effort that you are putting in.If you are getting good grades and you are saying that your family does not think your grades are good enough, maybe there could be a conversation where you are able to ask them what they are expecting from you (and try to listen without defending yourself for a few minutes) and then you could explain what you are doing to prepare. Maybe you could set time limits so you each have five minutes to discuss this (or less, if you think that would be better).If your grades are not as good as you would like and you are putting in the effort, I would still consider having a conversation like I mentioned above, and perhaps taking advantage of tutoring or other possibilities offered by your school.Just as a bit more information for you, I have been working with children, teenagers, and adults for more than nine years now. When someone tells me that they wish their child would do better in school, I always ask what that means. Sometimes it means that their grades are D's and F's. For other families, it means that the grades dropped below 95% and in that family, that is unacceptable. Perception makes a big difference here.If you are doing your best and accomplishing your goals, that is worth celebrating.