Topic: parenting

Question: How do I quit letting little things bother me and be the mom that my kids deserve?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
What you call "little things" may only seem little in general and to you are quite meaningful, either in fact or because the little things represent much more serious matters in your life.Take your own feelings seriously.Track the timeline of what is going on around the time you feel bothered by little things.   Also notice how you're feeling around the time you're feeling bothered.These two indicators may show you patterns of when and to what you are especially sensitive.For example, if you usually feel bothered at the end of a pressured day then take care to arrange as far as possible, relatively unstimulated and quiet surroundings around this sensitive time.If your kids are of the age at which they have language skills, then you can also take some pressure off yourself and them by explaining your inner state of mind in general terms.People, including kids, always do better with more information than not knowing what is going on in their lives.

Answer (from Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH, CCTP, CCHI tailor my therapeutic approach to each client's strengths and goals):
Well, my first question was whether these are truly little things or things you really think the attention.If they're really small things that you actually want to let go, try looking at it on a continuum  of things that really get attention (or correction) and things that really don't – and everywhere in between. Looking at this on a scale 1 to 10 or 1 to 100 may be helpful.Another thing to do is consider trying to look at the world through their eyes. You may have a better way of explaining things so that they learn from the correction that you try to give them rather than repeating yourself.Also recall that parenting working always have what they're looking for (permissive) is not usually helpful, just as the middle ground (authoritative) is better than very strict (authoritarian), according to most research.You could also consider coming up with some affirming phrases for yourself, such as "it's okay for this to happen" or "I know they're not always going to get it right" or "I know that I can't always make them change overnight."This can be a really tricky balance to find and I recommend seeing a local mental health professional if increased awareness of different levels is not helpful to you.

Answer (from Rebecca WongRelationship Therapist & Connectfulness Consultant):
Gratitude. Overly simplified, but that's the trick. When you can let in and celebrate the good stuff everything will start to find more balance. Our brains are fine tuned to focus on and highlight all the icky ugly stuff and file it away to try and avoid it in the future. We don't process the good stuff in the same way. It's left over from our ancestral days when we needed to survive the saber tooth tiger but it doesn't always work so well these days. Slowing down and being mindful of the little things, celebrating the tiniest details of what works...that's how you counter act that stuff. Check out my connectfulness.com/blog you may find some more tidbits there that help you shift gears.