Topic: intimacy

Question: How do I discuss my fetishes with wife when she is very sexually passive and insecure?

Answer (from Sherry Katz, LCSWCouples and Family Therapist, LCSW):
Do  you know whether the reason your wife is sexually passive and insecure is due to your fetishes?Maybe she'd be very turned on by your fetishes.Try to not mix up your hesitancy to speak about your fetishes which she hasn't yet directly heard from you, with your assumption that her sexual passivity necessarily means she will reject or withdraw from you when you speak of your fetishes to her.

Answer (from Frank TheusMA, LPC, NCC, CSAT):
Thank you for asking your question. When I read terms like "fetishes" and that your wife is "sexually passive and insecure" I can't help but wonder that there may be more going on within the coupleship and with yourself than what has been asked about in your particular question.    I invite you to enter into an exploratory journey with an experienced therapist to identify your fetishes and the deeper story behind the "who", "what", "when" "where", "how" and "why" they are important to you. Additionally, consider whether or not you need these fetishes as a requirement or strongly preferred for sexual excitement; and in its absence do you find yourself being sexually avoidant with your spouse or suffering from some form of erectile dysfunction.    While the fetishes may not be causing you clinically significant distress or impairment in functioning it seems from your question that they might (or would) cause distress to your wife. An experienced clinician could help you and your wife to navigate through this relational terrain ensuring all are heard and that the coupleship is honored. Best wishes.