0dc314c260de491f65c06294183c4eff0b62a95c
movie
http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Airplane-2-The-Sequel.html
AIRPLANE 2 :
? THE END
 In the near future, the Moon has been colonized and supports a station on its surface. A lunar shuttle known as Mayflower One is being rushed to launch from Houston. The head of the ground crew, The Sarge (Chuck Connors), does not like what is occurring, but he defers to the airline's management.
On the flight crew are Captain Clarence Oveur (Peter Graves), navigator/co-pilot Unger (Kent McCord) and first officer/flight engineer Dunn (James A. Watson, Jr.). Also on board is computer officer Elaine Dickinson (Julie Hagerty). Elaine has long left Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and is now engaged to one of the flight crew, Simon Kurtz (Chad Everett). Striker has in the meantime been committed to an insane asylum, as he was declared mentally incompetent in a lawsuit following a test flight that Ted piloted and in which the lunar shuttle crashed. Striker believes that the lawsuit was used to silence him, because he knew there were problems with the lunar shuttle that made it unsafe, and he is once more haunted by his actions in "The War" - causing a relapse of his "drinking problem", specifically the events that took place over "Macho Grande", where he lost his entire squadron. When Striker reads of the upcoming lunar shuttle launch, he escapes the asylum and buys a ticket for the flight.
During the flight, Mayflower One suffers a short circuit, causing the artificially intelligent computer ROK to go insane and send the ship toward the Sun. Unger and Dunn try to deactivate the computer, but are blown out of an airlock. Oveur tries to stop ROK, but the computer gasses him. Kurtz abandons Elaine and leaves in the only escape pod. Once again, Striker is called upon to save the day, but first he has to figure out how to make the computer relinquish control. Steve McCroskey (Lloyd Bridges), the air traffic controller, reveals that a passenger named Joe Seluchi (Sonny Bono) had boarded Mayflower One with a bomb in a briefcase, intending to commit suicide so that his wife can collect on insurance money. Striker manages to wrestle the bomb from Seluchi and uses it to blow up ROK and set course for the Moon as originally intended.
Using the bomb to destroy the computer causes collateral damage to the shuttle, meaning the flight is not out of danger yet. On the way to the Moon, control of the flight is shifted to a lunar base, commanded by Commander Buck Murdock (William Shatner). He has a high level of contempt for Striker because of Macho Grande, but agrees to help anyway. They manage to land the craft on the Moon. Ted and Elaine fall back in love and are married at the end. After the wedding, Seluchi looks into the cockpit and asks for his briefcase back.
A postcredit scene shows a screen that says "Coming From Paramount Pictures: "Airplane III". Murdock is then seen saying "That's exactly what they'll be expecting us to do!"
In the near future , the Moon has been colonized and supports a station on its surface . A lunar shuttle known as Mayflower One is being rushed to launch from Houston . The head of the ground crew , The Sarge ( Chuck Connors ) , does not like what is occurring , but he defers to the airline s management . On the flight crew are Captain Clarence Oveur ( Peter Graves ) , navigator/co-pilot Unger ( Kent McCord ) and first officer/flight engineer Dunn ( James A. Watson , Jr. ) . Also on board is computer officer Elaine Dickinson ( Julie Hagerty ) . Elaine has long left Ted Striker ( Robert Hays ) and is now engaged to one of the flight crew , Simon Kurtz ( Chad Everett ) . Striker has in the meantime been committed to an insane asylum , as he was declared mentally incompetent in a lawsuit following a test flight that Ted piloted and in which the lunar shuttle crashed . Striker believes that the lawsuit was used to silence him , because he knew there were problems with the lunar shuttle that made it unsafe , and he is once more haunted by his actions in The War - causing a relapse of his drinking problem , specifically the events that took place over Macho Grande , where he lost his entire squadron . When Striker reads of the upcoming lunar shuttle launch , he escapes the asylum and buys a ticket for the flight . During the flight , Mayflower One suffers a short circuit , causing the artificially intelligent computer ROK to go insane and send the ship toward the Sun . Unger and Dunn try to deactivate the computer , but are blown out of an airlock . Oveur tries to stop ROK , but the computer gasses him . Kurtz abandons Elaine and leaves in the only escape pod . Once again , Striker is called upon to save the day , but first he has to figure out how to make the computer relinquish control . Steve McCroskey ( Lloyd Bridges ) , the air traffic controller , reveals that a passenger named Joe Seluchi ( Sonny Bono ) had boarded Mayflower One with a bomb in a briefcase , intending to commit suicide so that his wife can collect on insurance money . Striker manages to wrestle the bomb from Seluchi and uses it to blow up ROK and set course for the Moon as originally intended . Using the bomb to destroy the computer causes collateral damage to the shuttle , meaning the flight is not out of danger yet . On the way to the Moon , control of the flight is shifted to a lunar base , commanded by Commander Buck Murdock ( William Shatner ) . He has a high level of contempt for Striker because of Macho Grande , but agrees to help anyway . They manage to land the craft on the Moon . Ted and Elaine fall back in love and are married at the end . After the wedding , Seluchi looks into the cockpit and asks for his briefcase back . A postcredit scene shows a screen that says Coming From Paramount Pictures : Airplane III . Murdock is then seen saying That s exactly what they ll be expecting us to do !
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Airplane_II:_The_Sequel
Airplane II: The Sequel
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<b>                            AIRPLANE 2: THE SEQUEL
</b><b>         
</b><b>          
</b>                                  Written by         
<b>          
</b>                                Ken Finkleman
<b>                 
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                               SECOND DRAFT
</b><b>          
</b>                                               February 18, 1982
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          FADE IN:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          A machete slashes INTO FRAME.  An American in battered
          fedora and leather jacket, accompanied by two gunbearers,
          hacks his way through dense bush.  We see him from the back
          only.  He hacks an opening, bats fly out AT CAMERA and the
          bushes part, revealing huge overgrown stone letters -- the
          Mayan ruin look -- that spell "AIRPLANE II."
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. GANTRY - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          The Jupiter shuttle stands ready to fly.
<b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  HOUSTON, 2002
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL ROOM - STOCK FOOTAGE
</b><b>          
</b>          of Houston Control with appropriate jargon V.O.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL - WIDE ANGLE STOCK SHOT
</b><b>          
</b>          of a crowded modern terminal.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  P.A.
</b>                   All lunar departures, please proceed to
                   concourse lounge 'B.'
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. TERMINAL - STOCK FOOTAGE - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          of heavy traffic at LAX.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON TERMINAL DOORS
</b><b>          
</b>          A number of men in futuristic-looking mining outfits,
          carrying futuristic gear, unload a truck with a corporate
          logo that reads:  TRX DEEP SPACE RESOURCE MANAGEMENT.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  P.A.
</b>                   Attention, all Pulsar Four mining
                   personnel.
<b>          
</b>          The miners look up.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  P.A.
</b>                   Please report to the Resource Expeditions
                   office, level seven.
<b>          
</b>          Two miners head to terminal doors and pass FOUR NUNS, who
          bid farewell to FATHER O'FLANAGAN.  O'Flanagan shakes the
          hands of the first three elderly nuns, then grabs the last
          young gorgeous nun and kisses her passionately.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OLDER NUN
</b>                   No tongues, Father.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CONTROL ROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          A group tour moves through the room behind controllers.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  GUIDE
</b>                   All lunar shuttle landings are handled by
                   these computers and simulated on these
                   video units.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1
</b>                        (at computer screen)
                   You're programmed on R-two-niner and
                   locked, Lunar eight six.  Over.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. LUNAR SHUTTLE COCKPIT - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Three crew members watch the lit landing strip as their
          shuttle approaches.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CAPTAIN
</b>                        (to co-pilot)
                   It's out of our hands now, gentlemen.
<b>          
</b>          They smile.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>          The CONTROLLER moves away from his video unit.  A kid from
          the tour who has lagged behind hits a switch.  The screen
          turns into a video game with SFX.  He flips knobs.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. LUNAR SHUTTLE
</b><b>          
</b>          The crew are tossed from side to side and try to regain
          control of the ship.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. NIGHT SKY
</b><b>          
</b>          The Lunar shuttle careens towards the terminal, out of
          control.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CONTROL ROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          The kid is still playing like mad.  A flash appears on the
          screen.  SFX VIDEO GAME EXPLOSION and a corresponding
          EXPLOSION from outside.  SIRENS WAIL.  CONTROLLERS run
          around.  The kid is oblivious and walks away.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. TERMINAL - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          BUD KRUGER, head of the space center, and the COMMISSIONER
          get out of a limo under a sign that reads, "MERCURY
          SHUTTLE."  They walk and talk.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   Commissioner, we both know the Mercury
                   shuttle needs another month of pre-launch
                   testing.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   Forget it.  The boys on the board want
                   that shuttle to go on schedule.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                         CUT TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL
</b><b>          
</b>          Kruger and the Commissioner go up escalator.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   And what do the boys on the board know
                   about safety, Commissioner?  Let me talk
                   to them.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   Bud, get wise to the political realities.
                   The boys on the board are under a lot of
                   pressure from the boys downtown.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                         CUT TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL - SECOND LEVEL
</b><b>          
</b>          Kruger gets a pack of cigarettes from a machine.
          Commissioner buys a newspaper.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   And I'll be the one they'll hang if
                   there's a screw-up.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                         CUT TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL - SHOESHINE STAND
</b><b>          
</b>          Kruger and Commissioner get shoes shined.  A MAN next to
          them in white shoes reads paper with headline -- "SOLAR
          PLANT MELTDOWN, 500 WORKERS SERIOUSLY TANNED" -- and doesn't
          notice his shoes are getting black polish.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   Listen, Bud, the boys downtown are under
                   heavy fire from the boys in Washington.
                   That's why they're putting pressure on the
                   boys on the board.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                         CUT TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL
</b><b>          
</b>          Kruger and Commissioner head down escalator.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   Well, you tell the boys on the board to
                   tell the boys downtown to let the boys in
                   Washington know that the press has been
                   nosing around my people in the front
                   office.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                         CUT TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. TERMINAL
</b><b>          
</b>          Kruger and Commissioner head to their limo.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   You handle your front office people, I'll
                   handle the press and leave the boys in
                   Washington to the boys downtown and the
                   boys downtown to the boys on the board.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   Commissioner.
<b>          
</b>          They stop and look at each other.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   What?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   I just wish it was that simple.
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  DRAMATIC STING
</b><b>          
</b>          They get back in their limo and drive off.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER
</b>                        (over P.A.)
                   This is Mercury One control.  We have
                   condition green.  Mark launch 'T' minus
                   two hours and counting.  I repeat, we have
                   condition green.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON LESLIE NEILSON - DOCTOR RUMACK
</b><b>          
</b>          Dressed as a doctor and looking in a Controller's mouth.
          The Controller's face is bright green.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  RUMACK
</b>                   This condition isn't as bad as it could be
                   if it were a lot worse.  Take these pills.
                        (hands him pills and water)
                   Here's some water.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER
</b>                   What is it, doctor?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  RUMACK
</b>                   Two parts oxygen, one part hydrogen.
                   It'll make the pills go down easier.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. GANTRY - CLOSEUP OF SHUTTLE - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  BIG SPACE THEME
</b><b>          
</b>          WIDE ANGLE LENS PANS the under-belly past the nose as if the
          viewer bent his head back as far as he could, until... the
          CAMERA crashes to the ground as if it has fallen off the
          tripod.
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  CRASHES TO A STOP
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON SIDE OF SHIP
</b><b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  BIG SPACE THEME STARTS FROM TOP AGAIN
</b><b>          
</b>          PAN workers on scaffolding who check gauges on exterior of
          ship.  PAN to panel that reads, "SOLID FUEL CHUTE" -- a
          sweaty muscular worker in undershirt opens the panel, flames
          shoot out.  LOOSEN to reveal another sweaty worker in
          undershirt shoveling coal into the chute.  PAN to other
          workers checking more gauges.  SUDDENLY a PANEL EXPLODES.
          Smoking, sparking wires pop out.  A WORKER runs up with
          walkie-talkie in hand.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  WORKER
</b>                        (into walkie-talkie)
                   This is Mercury station six!  Get me the
                   Sarg and fast!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. TERMINAL - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          SIMON KURTZ and ELAINE THOMPSON get out of a taxi with hand
          luggage.  They are dressed in matching flight outfits.
<b>          
</b>          A JAPANESE COUPLE get out of a taxi -- the man has about
          fifty cameras around his neck.  His wife hangs another
          camera on him.  He crashes to the ground under the weight.
<b>          
</b>          Simon and Elaine are approached by a BUSINESSMAN with
          handful of roses.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  BUSINESSMAN
</b>                   Would you like to buy a rose to help bail
                   out Chrysler?  We're an all-profit
                   organization and need all the money we can
                   get.
<b>          
</b>          Simon hands the Businessman a dollar and takes a rose.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                        (to Businessman)
                   Here.
<b>          
</b>          The Businessman joins six other BUSINESSMEN carrying signs
          with LEE IACCOCA's picture.  They all smile and chant.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  BUSINESSMEN
</b>                        (to Hari Krishna)
<b>                   IACCOCA, IACCOCA, IACCOCA, IARAMA.
</b><b>          
</b>          Simon hands Elaine the rose.  She takes his arm as they walk
          towards the sign that reads, "MERCURY SHUTTLE."
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   For the best little computer officer on
                   the Mercury mission.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (smiling)
                   Simon.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Who would believe that Elaine Thompson was
                   once a stewardess on the Denver-Chicago
                   run.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   And I can hardly believe that I'm engaged
                   to someone like you, Simon.  I'm a very
                   lucky woman.
<b>          
</b>          A man with a suitcase on a leash walks beside them.  The
          case pulls him along like a dog and takes a leak on a post.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Women and the space program have come a
                   long way, sweetheart.  But after the
                   wedding, no more complicated computers for
                   my little girl.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   But, darling, they've offered me a chance
                   to head up the computer analysis division
                   for the Jupiter probe.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   You're heading up the division in charge
                   of babies for Mr. and Mrs. Simon Kurtz.
<b>          
</b>          He kisses Elaine and smiles.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   And that's an order, Lieutenant.
<b>          
</b>          The man with the case on a leash passes a woman with a case
          on a leash.  The cases start a violent, BARKING DOG FIGHT.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. REAR OF TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          SARG (imagine George Kennedy), dressed in a tuxedo, tie
          undone, with a huge cigar, which he eats during the
          conversation, talks to his wife on his car phone.  A worker
          in hard hat waits next to him.  Behind the worker are fuel
          drums and a large sign that reads:  DANGER, FUEL --
<b>          ABSOLUTELY NO SMOKING, ABSOLUTELY NO SPITTING.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  SARG
</b>                        (on car phone)
                   Marge, you better go without me.  We've
                   got a condition red.
<b>          
</b><b>          SPLIT SCREEN WITH WIFE AT HOME.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  MARGE
</b>                        (in evening gown, a cigar stuck
                         in her mouth)
                   We've got a condition red with our
                   marriage.  I think you're in love with
                   that shuttle, not with me.  I want a
                   divorce, Sarg.
<b>          
</b>          Sarg lights his cigar.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SARG
</b>                   Is there someone else, Marge?  Is that it?
<b>          
</b>          Sarg throws the lit match towards the "ABSOLUTELY NO
          SMOKING" sign.  The worker grimaces but nothing happens.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARGE
</b>                   Sarg, there's been someone else for
                   fifteen years.  You were just too involved
                   in your work to see it.
<b>          
</b>          They hang up.  Sarg bites off the end of his cigar and spits
          it in the direction of the "NO SPITTING" sign, blowing the
          worker OUT OF FRAME with a MASSIVE EXPLOSION.  Sarg hops
          into his car, takes a Lava lamp from the seat and puts it on
          the car roof -- like Kojak's flasher.  The lamp flashes, the
          SIREN WAILS, as Sarg pulls away.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. SARG'S CAR - ON THE MOVE - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          He thinks about his wife.  SPLIT SCREEN FLASHBACK OF THEIR
          BEDROOM.  Marge, a cigar in her mouth, is in bed with five
          football players -- other half-clad athletes (hockey,
          baseball, wrestling, basketball) line up for their turn at
          her.  Sarg has to climb over them to kiss her goodbye.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SARG
</b>                   Don't wait up for me, sweetheart.  We're
                   testing the retro-rockets tonight.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARGE
</b>                   You just can't see it, can you, Sarg.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SARG
</b>                   We'll talk tomorrow, hon.  I promise.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. TERMINAL, PASSENGER ARRIVAL AREA - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          The WILSON FAMILY -- JOHN, ALICE and ten-year-old JIMMY --
          carry luggage.  Jimmy carries a puppy in a small cage.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  P.A.
</b>                   All Mercury passengers please proceed to
                   passenger processing, concourse level 'C.'
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOHN
</b>                   That's us.
<b>          
</b>          Jimmy Wilson looks at Scraps.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                   Will Scraps be able to sit with us, Dad?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOHN
</b>                   We'll have to check, Jimmy.  It's a pretty
                   long trip to Mercury.
<b>          
</b>          A PORTER approaches.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PORTER
</b>                   Can I help you folks?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOHN
</b>                        (handing him a bag)
                   Thanks.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PORTER
</b>                        (noticing Scraps)
                   Is that your puppy, son?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                   Yeah, his name is Scraps and he's going to
                   Mercury with us.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PORTER
</b>                   No dogs are allowed on the shuttle, son.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                   But they said...
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PORTER
</b>                        (pulling out a handgun)
                   Scraps will have to be shot.  I can do it
                   for you here if you like.
<b>          
</b>          He SHOOTS.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                   Scraps!!!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PORTER
</b>                        (laughing)
                   Just joking.  Blanks.  See, Scraps is
                   fine.
<b>          
</b>          Alice, John, and Porter crack up while Jimmy cries.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ALICE
</b>                   It was just a joke, Jimmy.
<b>          
</b>          Alice and John look at each other as if there is something
          wrong with their son.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON MAN WITH CAGE
</b><b>          
</b>          A man lifts a large dog cage out of the trunk of a taxi.
          Inside is another man dressed in S&M leathers.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MAN WITH CAGE
</b>                        (to Man in Cage)
                   If we can't fit you under the seat, you'll
                   just have to be locked up with the
                   luggage.
<b>          
</b>          The man in the cage seems to relish the latter suggestion.
          Two Porters lift the cage onto a conveyor belt next to
          Jimmy's dog.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. GANTRY - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Sarg stands beside the burnt panel on the side of the
          shuttle.  He is eating another cigar, holding a burnt wire,
          and talking into a walkie-talkie.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SARG
</b>                   There's no way this wiring could have
                   passed inspection without Simon Kurtz's
                   okay!
<b>          
</b><b>          SPLIT SCREEN OF KRUGER IN HIS OFFICE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                        (on phone)
                   Just patch up the damage and get that ship
                   ready to fly.  That's an order, mister!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SARG
</b>                   You've got it, mister.  But you can tell
                   your boys on the board for me that this
                   thing stinks to high heaven of kickback.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                        WIPE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          KRUGER'S OFFICE - FULL SCREEN
</b><b>          
</b>          Kruger turns to room.  LOOSEN to reveal a dozen five-year-
          old boys in three-piece suits, smoking cigars.  A huge
          Keans-style painting of three astronauts with big eyes,
          painted on black velvet, hangs in b.g.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   You heard it, boys.  Now, what do you say?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ALL BOYS
</b>                   Fuck him!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. GANTRY - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          Sarg looks at the wire and shakes his head.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SARG
</b>                        (to worker)
                   Ted Striker was right six months ago when
                   he test-piloted this sucker.  And what did
                   he get for telling the truth?  A one-way
                   ticket to Palukaville.
<b>          
</b>          Sarg spits a chunk of cigar on the ground, blowing the
          worker OUT OF FRAME with a MASSIVE EXPLOSION.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. WILD BLUE YONDER - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          A jet fighter streaks across the sky.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. JET - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          TED STRIKER is at the controls.  His oxygen mask hangs loose
          from his helmet.  Clouds outside shoot by -- he's going at
          least 700 MPH.  A bird lands on the nose in front of the
          window.  Ted shoos it away by knocking on the glass.  He
          takes a slug of beer and cockily pulls on the stick.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. FIGHTER - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          The plane does a barrel roll.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. FIGHTER - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted has beer all over his face and shirt.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SMALL LATIN-AMERICAN LANDING STRIP - DAY
</b><b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  "SOUTH AMERICA, 2002 (PALUKAVILLE)"
</b><b>          
</b>          Striker's fighter comes in for a landing.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF RIO MONTENEGRO - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          CLOSEUP of sign, "WELCOME TO RIO MONTENEGRO -- POP.
<b>          2,354,900 -- NO TORTURING 7AM-9AM MON.-FRI."
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY
</b><b>          
</b><b>          SUPER: "HOTEL MONTENEGRO"
</b><b>          
</b>          COME UP on CLOSEUP of parachute.  PAN past a flight jacket
          thrown over a chair, clothes strewn around, a framed photo
          of TED and ELAINE on the bedtable next to a bottle of
          whiskey.  The room is hot and dusty.  Ted lies on the bed
          soaked with sweat, a drink in his hand, a cigarette dangling
          from his lip.  He takes a drink and, forgetting to remove
          the cigarette, swallows it without batting an eye.  LOOSEN
          to find a CRUCIFIX above the bed with a real person on it.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                        (to self)
                   Who could have figured it would come to
                   this.  It'll be twenty years this week
                   that I lost my entire squadron over Macho
                   Grande.  Planes, too.
<b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  DOG FIGHT FOOTAGE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  VOICE
</b>                   You're too low, Striker!  You're too low!
<b>          
</b>          The Crucifix in b.g. looks around trying to figure out where
          the planes in the SUPER are coming from.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   After the war, I couldn't go near anything
                   with a pair of wings.
<b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  TED IN PARK TRYING TO AVOID PIGEONS THAT FOLLOW HIM.
</b><b>          
</b>          A pigeon lands on the Cross.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   That is, until fate dropped me on the seat
                   of my pants at the stick of a 167 into
                   Chicago with no crew.
<b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  TED LANDING PLANE IN "AIRPLANE!"
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   It's funny how fate can make heroes out of
                   cowards.
<b>          
</b>          The Crucifix gives a look of exasperated boredom.
<b>          
</b>          SUPER:  NEW YORK TIMES HEADLINE, "STRIKER SAVES l20!" OVER A
<b>          PHOTO OF TED AND ELAINE WAVING.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   Then came the job offers.
<b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  HOUSTON TRIBUNE HEADLINE, "FLYING HEROES ACCEPT NASA
</b><b>          POSTS" OVER A PHOTO OF TED AND ELAINE WAVING.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   The publicity.
<b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  NATIONAL ENQUIRER HEADLINE, "TED IMPOTENT?  ELAINE
</b><b>          FRIGID?"  A MINOR HEADLINE READS, "JFK ALIVE, SAYS
</b><b>          UROLOGIST!"
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   Even the key to the City of New York.
<b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  MAYOR HANDING TED A KILO OF GRASS.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   Now look at me.
<b>          
</b>          Ted wipes the sweat off his face and switches on the table
          fan.  A tornado force wind destroys the room as he fights to
          switch off the fan.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. TOWN SQUARE - DAY
</b><b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  "RIO MONTENEGRO - TOWN SQUARE"
</b><b>          
</b>          A peasant boy takes a newspaper from a newsstand.  The
          headline reads, "MERCURY SHUTTLE FLIES TOMORROW."
<b>          
</b><b>                                  BOY
</b>                   Senor Ted!
<b>          
</b>          The boy hightails it through the town-square and passes:
<b>          
</b>          -- A large alabaster statue of the Generalissimo snorting
             cocaine.
<b>          
</b>          -- Soldiers dragging nuns off screaming.
<b>          
</b>          -- Nuns dragging soldiers off screaming.
<b>          
</b>          He passes a line of peasants held at gunpoint by soldiers.
          We HOLD on them.  In b.g. are stores like HITLER'S SHOES,
<b>          TRIEU GUYS FROM SAIGON LIQUORS, KEY'S KEYS -- GENERAL KEY
</b>          stands in doorway.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SOLDIER
</b>                        (to first peasant)
                   Traficante de drugas o communista?
<b>          
</b>          SUPER:  SUBTITLES -- "Drug dealer or communist?"
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PEASANT
</b>                        (pleading)
                   Traficante de drugas, traficante de
                   drugas!
<b>          
</b>          SUPER:  SUBTITLES -- "Drug dealer, drug dealer!"
<b>          
</b>          The soldier lets the peasant go.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SOLDIER
</b>                        (to second peasant)
                   Traficante de drugas o communista?
<b>          
</b>          SUPER:  SUBTITLES -- "Drug dealer or communist?"
<b>          
</b>          The peasant panics and bolts from the line.  The soldiers
<b>          FIRE.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  SOLDIER
</b>                   Communista!
<b>          
</b>          He runs up to THE HOTEL MONTENEGRO.  A sign reads, "TV,
          POOL, WATERBEDS, DONKEY, KLEENEX" -- All but "KLEENEX" are
          crossed out.  He runs inside.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. HOTEL LOBBY
</b><b>          
</b>          A clean-cut AMERICAN COUPLE argue with Desk Clerk.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  YOUNG MAN
</b>                        (to Desk Clerk)
                   We've lost all our travelers' checks!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  YOUNG WOMAN
</b>                   What are we going to do?!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CLERK
</b>                   Calm down.  What kind were they?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  YOUNG MAN
</b>                   American Excess!
<b>          
</b>          The Clerk throws up his hands and strikes the same pose as
          the Karl Marden look-alike in the "AMERICAN EXCESS" poster,
          b.g.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CLERK
</b>                   I'd say you're fucked.
<b>          
</b>          The boy passes them and bounds up the stairs.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. HOTEL ROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          CLOSEUP of Ted pacing.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (to self)
                   Next thing I know, I'm the chief test
                   pilot for the XR-2300, NASA's first
                   Mercury shuttle.  That is, until I report
                   she's got more flaws than the Titanic.
<b>          
</b>          LOOSEN slowly to find the Cross empty and the man who was on
          it hanging, his feet dangling next to Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Now I'm testing old F-l8s for some crazy
                   Generalissimo who thinks there's a commie
                   behind every tree in the Amazon.
<b>          
</b>          SUDDENLY the boy bursts in.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  BOY
</b>                   Senor Ted!  Look!
<b>          
</b>          Ted spins and the paper stays still.  He stops.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   My God!  They're launching the ZR-2300.
                   Do you know what that is, Jose?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  BOY
</b>                   The muffler bracket for a '78 Pinto.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   No, that's an XR-2200.  The XR-2300 is the
                   Mercury shuttle.  They can't do it!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. HOTEL MONTENEGRO
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted races out.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Taxi!
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  A DOZEN CARS SCREECH AND CRASH INTO EACH OTHER.  HORNS
</b><b>          STICK.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON PILE OF CARS
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted jumps into the taxi on bottom of pile.  The driver
          POUNDS on his HORN -- it CONTINUES TO BLARE as they pull
          away, dragging other taxis.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Houston, Texas.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DRIVER
</b>                   Houston, Texas, senor??
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Right at the corner, left at the light.
                   Here's a map and step on it!
<b>          
</b>          Ted throws a map onto the floor of the front seat.  The
          driver steps on the map.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. TERMINAL, PASSENGER ARRIVALS - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          An old truck loaded high with furniture pulls up.  A YOUNG
          MAN and his PARENTS, looking like the family from THE GRAPES
          OF WRATH, get out.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SON
</b>                   We finally made it, Ma.  Mercury.  We're
                   gonna start all over agin.  A whole new
                   life.
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  OPTIMISTIC.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  SON
</b>                   Where the soil is rich.
<b>          
</b>          He bends down and takes a handful of earth from the terminal
          sidewalk and lets it run through his fingers.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SON
</b>                   And the union strong.  Where men are free
                   to realize their true potential.
<b>          
</b>          A black PORTER approaches and grabs a bag at the bottom of
          their pile of junk.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PORTER
</b>                   Can I help you?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SON
</b>                   Where black men and white men, working
                   together, can move mountains.
<b>          
</b>          The Porter pulls the bag and the entire mountain of junk
          cascades to the ground.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON TED'S TAXI ARRIVING
</b><b>          
</b>          It is covered in mud, flames shoot out from under the hood,
          the HORN BLARES.  The driver flips off the meter which
          reads, "874,567,004,500,000,000."  The numbers run off the
          meter along a special attachment.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DRIVER
</b>                   That'll be eight hundred and seventy-four
                   zillion quastavitas.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Here's three bucks.  Keep the change.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DRIVER
</b>                   Thank you!!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL
</b><b>          
</b>          STELLA BARRINGTON pushes her wheelchair-ridden father, DR.
          CYRUS BARRINGTON, through the terminal crowd.  A PORTER
          approaches.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PORTER
</b>                   You folks need any help?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Thanks, but we have a terrific woman in on
                   Thursdays.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PORTER
</b>                   Say, isn't that Dr. Barrington, the world-
                   renowned agronomist?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Yes.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PORTER
</b>                   It's a privilege to meet you, sir, I'm
                   familiar with all your work.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Let's go, Daddy.  We have to check in.
                        (to Porter)
                   He was never appreciated at the Institute.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PORTER
</b>                   Ah, yes, the Institute, I'm familiar with
                   it.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Now he's D-Y-I-N-Ging and wants to be
                   buried on Mercury.
<b>          
</b>          Stella pushes her father away as another PORTER approaches
          our first Porter.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PORTER 2
</b>                   Say, wasn't that Dr. Barrington, the
                   world-renowned agronomist?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PORTER 1
</b>                   That's right.  Are you familiar with his
                   work?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PORTER 2
</b>                   No, but the missus sure is.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON TED AT ARRIVALS/DEPARTURES MONITORS
</b><b>          
</b>          The departures side reads.  "MERCURY SHUTTLE - DEPARTS 6:15
<b>          AM"
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (to self)
                   I have to stop that flight.
<b>          
</b>          Ted pushes his way through the crowd past two businessmen.
          HOLD on them as BUSINESSMAN 1 straightens BUSINESSMAN 2's
          tie and hair.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  BUSINESSMAN 1
</b>                   Don't worry about the Viatex account.
                   It's a buy-sell option.  We can't get hurt
                   in either case.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  BUSINESSMAN 2
</b>                   Just keep on top of their legal people,
                   Bob.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  BUSINESSMAN 1
</b>                   Don't sweat it.
<b>          
</b>          They kiss and part.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON "1ST CLASS" TICKET LINE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  AGENT
</b>                        (to traveller)
                   We can take your in-flight dinner orders
                   here, if you like.  Today there's lobster
                   or rack of lamb.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TRAVELLER
</b>                   The lobster sounds nice.
<b>          
</b>          The Agent throws a huge lobster into a steaming cauldron.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  LOBSTER SCREAM.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (rushing up)
                   Where can I find mission control?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  AGENT
</b>                        (without pointing or indicating
                         in any way)
                   Information's over there.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Thanks.
<b>          
</b>          He seems a bit puzzled but moves on.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON "2ND CLASS" LINE
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted passes travellers in rags.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  AGENT
</b>                        (to traveller in rags)
                   Today there's the swill or the slop.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TRAVELLER
</b>                   The slop sounds nice.
<b>          
</b>          Ted passes the "NO CLASS" line.  Travellers in line all wear
          gaudy double-knit suits, white belts and shoes, carry lava
          lamps and bongo drums, wear alpine hats, etc.  The agent
          hands a NO CLASS traveller his ticket with large foam dice
          dangling.  Ted spots the INFORMATION counter and heads for
          it.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON INFORMATION COUNTER
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  MAN
</b>                        (to Info Agent)
                   What's the fastest animal on earth?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  INFO AGENT
</b>                   The cheetah.  Next.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  WOMAN
</b>                   Should I fake my orgasms?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  INFO AGENT
</b>                   Yes.  Next.
<b>          
</b>          Next in line are three armed, bearded "TERRORISTS."
<b>          
</b><b>                                  "TERRORIST" 1
</b>                   Please, where is flight to Miami?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  INFO AGENT
</b>                        (without indicating anything)
                   Over there.  Next.
<b>          
</b>          The TERRORISTS leave looking confused.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Mission control?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  INFO AGENT
</b>                        (without indicating anything)
                   It's over therrrrrrr!
<b>          
</b>          The agent is shot with an arrow and slumps over the counter.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                        ZOOM TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          CLOSEUP OF TED
</b><b>          
</b>          He looks in the CAMERA.
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  DRAMATIC STING.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   That's strange.  I just came from over
                   there.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL - ANOTHER AREA
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine, Simon, and FRANK MORGAN, the shuttle pilot, talk.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  FRANK
</b>                   I'll meet you on board.  I've got some
                   business to attend to.
<b>          
</b>          Frank leaves. 
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                        (to Elaine)
                   Frank's the best pilot in the program.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   I'm so excited, Simon.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   I guess this is a first for you.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   No, I've been excited before.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (O.S.)
</b>                   Elaine.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (turning around)
                   Te...!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   That's not important now, Elaine.  We have
                   to talk.
<b>          
</b>          Simon pulls Elaine away.  They all walk and talk.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, we've been worried sick ever since
                   you escaped from the Ronald Reagan
                   Institute For The Mentally Feeble.
<b>          
</b>          They walk faster.  The b.g. starts whipping by as if they're
          running.  Wind blows in their hair.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Are you on the Mercury mission?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   That's right, Striker.  And we're getting
                   married when we return.
<b>          
</b>          The b.g. moves faster.  The wind gets stronger.  They pass a
          marathon refreshment stand and are handed wet sponges and
          cups of Gatoraid.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   It's got to be stopped!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   But, Ted, the invitations have already
                   gone out.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   I mean the Mercury flight.  It's not safe
                   and, Kurtz, you know why.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   You're still crazy, Striker.  Come on,
                   sweetheart.
<b>          
</b>          Simon pulls Elaine away as she looks back with empathy.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   What did Ted mean?
<b>          
</b>          They leave Ted standing.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Elaine, he's still sick.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON TED
</b><b>          
</b>          The wind is still blowing in his hair even though he stands
          still.  Ted has a FLASHBACK.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. ROCKET HANGAR
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted, in flight coveralls, follows after Simon who is
          overseeing the operation.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   You're seeing bugs where they don't exist,
                   Striker.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (holding wire)
                   Look at this wiring.  It's shorting out
                   under high temperatures.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   You're tired, Striker, overworked.  That
                   wiring meets all the safety
                   specifications.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   I know you've been subtly spreading the
                   word that I'm having a breakdown.
<b>          
</b>          A NEWSPAPER BOY passes.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  NEWSIE
</b>                   Shuttle test pilot goes mad!
<b>          
</b>          A TECHNICIAN -- JACOBS -- enters with drawings of flight
          outfits.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOBS
</b>                   Sir, these are the designs for the flight
                   uniforms.  I think the captain's is to
                   die.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                        (with drawings)
                   Good, good, no, no, good.  What's this?!
                   I said no studded dog collars, Jacobs.
<b>          
</b>          Jacobs grabs the drawings and leaves in a huff.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   You won't get away with this, Simon!
<b>          
</b>          Ted turns to leave and bumps right into Elaine.  She holds
          him.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, what's wrong?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (pulling away from her)
                   Ask Simon.
<b>          
</b>          In b.g. a car is parked by a huge rocket engine.  A worker
          opens the hood and strings jumper cables to the rocket.  A
          sign above rocket reads, "ROCKET ENGINE TEST AREA."
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, you're overworked.  You've been
                   flying yourself into the ground.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   There's nothing wrong with me!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Let's relax tonight, just the two of us.
                   I'll make a quiet Italian dinner just the
                   way you like it, with spaghetti.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   You're as bad as the rest of them, Elaine!
                        (ranting)
                   It's all here in the design
                   specifications!
                        (grabs plans from a passing
                         technician)
                   Look!  It's all here!
<b>          
</b>          Simon signals the guards.  They grab Ted.  He struggles and
          rants.  A DOCTOR in white approaches and injects something
          into Ted's arm.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   No!  Wait!  You're hurting him!
<b>          
</b>          Ted falls unconscious.  Simon holds Elaine.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Elaine!  Ted's a danger to himself, he's a
                   threat to this mission and his behavior
                   does absolutely nothing to promote peace
                   in the Middle East.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (crying on Simon's shoulder)
                   Simon, why has he become so... so...
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   So mentally ill?
<b>          
</b>          Elaine collapses on Simon's shoulder, sobbing.  Simon smiles
          evilly.  The technician with the jumper cables, b.g.,
          signals the driver to start the car.  The car revs and the
          rocket fires.
<b>          
</b><b>                                               DISSOLVE BACK TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          SCENE
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted still standing alone and muttering.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (to self)
                   I'm perfectly sane.
<b>          
</b>          Ted notices Stella Barrington looking at him.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Excuse me, are you alright?  I noticed you
                   talking to yourself.  I'm a nurse.  Can I
                   be of some help?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Uh... oh, thank you.  It's nothing.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   You don't have to thank me, I'm a nurse.
                   This is my father, Dr. Barrington.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Not Dr. Barrington, the world renowned
                   agronomist?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Yes.  He's dying a-n-d wants to be buried
                   on Mercury.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   I'm familiar with your work, Doctor.
                   You'll have to excuse me, I have to go.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   You don't have to excuse yourself.  I'm a
                   nurse.  I understand.
<b>          
</b>          Ted leaves.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL - OUTSIDE DRUGSTORE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Meet me onboard, sweetheart.  I have to
                   pick up a few things at the drugstore.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (checking her watch)
                   Don't be too long.
<b>          
</b>          Simon walks into the drugstore past a DRUGGIST who whispers
          to him:
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DRUGGIST
</b>                   Uppers, downers, coke, speed, hash,
                   Tampax.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON ELAINE
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted approaches.  We see light flashes from a 25¢ photo
          booth.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Elaine.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, please.  You're just making things
                   difficult for yourself.
<b>          
</b>          A WOMAN IN BLACK GARTER BELT emerges from photo booth
          followed by a donkey.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Elaine, what happened to us?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, I loved you and I'll always love you.
                   But I need Simon.  He's stable.  He's a
                   good provider.  I want that at this stage
                   of the game, Ted.  He might have his
                   faults, but Simon doesn't know the meaning
                   of the word fear and I need that in a man.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. DRUGSTORE
</b><b>          
</b>          The Druggist hands Simon a huge bottle of pills.  The label
          reads, "ANTI-FEAR PILLS."
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                        (looking at the label, "ANTI-
<b>                         FEAR PILLS")
</b>                   What does this word mean?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DRUGGIST
</b>                        (looking at label)
                   'Fear,' to be afraid or over-anxious.
<b>          
</b>          Simon swallows a handful of pills, braces himself and walks
          out right through the plate glass window without feeling a
          thing.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted is still following Elaine.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Elaine, someone has to listen to me.  I'm
                   going right to mission control.
<b>          
</b>          A kid bops by with a huge (5'x3'x2') oak cabinet, TV/stero
          console perched on his shoulder.
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  DISCO.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, you should go right back to the
                   hospital.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine leaves and Ted has another FLASHBACK.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL
</b><b>          
</b>          PAN by dorm window.  We see a sign on grounds outside --
<b>          "THE RONALD REAGAN INSTITUTE OF SUPPLY-SIDE ECONOMICS AND
</b>          HOSPITAL FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE."  PAN patient in bed,
          accountant at desk, patient in bed, accountant at desk, Ted
          in bed.  Ted has electrodes attached to his head.  A NURSE
          with "I (heart) NORMAL" on the back of her uniform, hands
          Ted some pills.  He is about to pop them when she stops him.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  NURSE
</b>                   That's $38.
<b>          
</b>          Ted hands her bills.
<b>          
</b>          LOOSEN to find Elaine on other side of bed.  She turns off
          the radio and opens a box of spaghetti-to-go.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Eat this spaghetti, Ted.  It'll make you
                   feel a lot better.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  GROANING O.S.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Who's that, Ted?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Sammy Davis Junior.  Terrible car
                   accident.  He hasn't been the same since.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON SAMMY DAVIS
</b><b>          
</b>          A white patient in lots of gold chains.  A Nurse stands over
          him and pulls a long oil dip-stick from his mouth, checks
          it, wipes it off and replaces it.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          RETURN TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Elaine, when are you going to realize
                   Simon Kurtz put me in here to get me out
                   of the way.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   And when are you going to realize, Ted,
                   that your mental hygiene is the most
                   important thing right now.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  VOICE (O.S.)
</b>                        (ranting)
                   It works... No, it doesn't... Yes, it
                   does.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   What's his problem?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE
</b><b>          
</b>          On BEARDED MAN in rags chained to wall.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MAN
</b>                   It does work... No, it doesn't.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE
</b><b>          
</b>          On Ted and Elaine.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   His name's David Stockman.  He's been here
                   twenty years, that's all he says.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, you must remember what the doctor
                   said, the first step on the road to sanity
                   is admitting that you're sick.  Now take
                   your electro-shock and you'll be back at
                   the space center in no time.  And by the
                   way, Ted, I'm leaving you for Simon.
<b>          
</b>          Ted gags on his spaghetti.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   I just can't go on living with a man who
                   refuses to deal with reality, Ted.  I have
                   to go now.  Believe me, it's best for all
                   concerned.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine leans over to kiss Ted.  He turns away.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   No goodbyes, Elaine.  Just go.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   If that's the way you want it.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   That's the way I want it.  Just turn the
                   radio on and go.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Goodbye, Ted.  I don't want to hurt you.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine flips a switch by the bed thinking it's the radio.
          It's the "ELECTRO-SHOCK."  Ted goes into convulsions as she
          leaves.
<b>          
</b><b>                                               DISSOLVE BACK TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          TED AT TERMINAL
</b><b>          
</b>          He rubs his temples.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL - OUTSIDE BOOKSTORE
</b><b>          
</b>          Frank Morgan kisses JANE DENNIS, his mistress.  In b.g. is a
          bookstore window with a display of yellow covered books with
          plain black titles and a sign advertising, "NO-NAME BOOKS."
<b>          
</b>          Visible titles include:  "DEEP BOOK," "FASCINATING BOOK,"
          "THE WORLD ACCORDING TO JOHN DOE."  A man next to the window
          reads a newspaper with headline, "SENSELESS MURDER UP 99%
<b>          AND RISING!"
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  FRANK
</b>                   Carol's not going to give me a divorce
                   that easily, Jane.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JANE
</b>                   I'm worried about her, Frank.  She could
                   do something senseless, something violent.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  FRANK
</b>                   You're the one who's not making sense,
                   Jane.  Carol's not the violent...
<b>          
</b>          Frank sees CAROL.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  FRANK
</b>                   Carol!
<b>          
</b>          Carol whips out a gun.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  FRANK
</b>                   No!  This is senseless!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          CAROL 
</b><b>          
</b>          FIRES.  Jane faints.  Other women nearby faint.  Two
          S.W.A.T. cops faint.  Carol bolts.  The newspaper, b.g.,
          clicks over from 99% to 120%.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL - ANOTHER AREA
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted pushes through crowd and passes a spherical booth with
          sign that reads, "ORGASMIC EXPERIENCES, 25¢."  MRS. GOOCH,
          an elderly woman, stops Ted next to the booth door.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MRS. GOOCH
</b>                   Young man, would you have change for a
                   twenty?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (going for his wallet)
                   I might have two tens.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MRS. GOOCH
</b>                   Thank you anyway, but I wanted it in
                   quarters.
<b>          
</b>          Ted keeps moving past a police line which has gone up around
          Frank Morgan's body.  We HOLD on the murder scene.  A
          DETECTIVE kneels beside the body which now has a chalk mark
          around it.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SERGEANT
</b>                        (lookind down at Detective)
                   When is this senseless killing going to
                   stop?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DETECTIVE HALLICK
</b>                   Senseless or not, Sergeant, there's a
                   pattern here.  This is the 12th victim
                   this week with a chalk mark around the
                   body.  I want this whole area cordoned
                   off!  I want everyone in this terminal
                   booked and beaten until they talk.  I want
                   an M.O. on everyone who has seen THE SOUND
                   OF MUSIC and I want the entire population
                   of Hawaii off that rock and into the water
                   within one hour.
<b>          
</b>          Hallick stands up and finds the area surrounded by 30
          accordian players playing "Lady of Spain."
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DETECTIVE HALLICK
</b>                   Sergeant.  I said cordon off, not
                   accordian off!  Now dust this area for
                   prints.
<b>          
</b>          One cop pulls out a duster and dusts the wall.  Other cops
          follow after him hanging prints by Picasso, Lautrec, etc.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DETECTIVE HALLICK
</b>                   And run a check on their plates.
<b>          
</b>          A cop looks at people's upper false teeth plates.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DETECTIVE HALLICK
</b><b>                        (TO CAMERA)
</b>                   When will this senseless killing end?
<b>          
</b>          A POLICE PHOTOGRAPHER straddles the body and shoots it
          "BLOW-UP" style.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PHOTOGRAPHER
</b>                   Super!  Great!  Super!  Terrific!  Super!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL - EXECUTIVE OFFICE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   That's right, Commissioner.  Senselessly
                   murdered just minutes ago.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   That just doesn't make any sense.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   I wonder how your boys in Washington are
                   going to take this one.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   I told you, leave the boys in Washington
                   to the boys downtown and the boys down...
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   You've made your point, Commissioner.
                   There's only one other pilot who can
                   handle that shuttle and that's Clarence
                   Oveur.  He's got a lunar flight today.  I
                   want him pulled.
                        (to Jacobs)
                   Jacobs, pull Oveur!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOBS
</b>                   Not in your size, but I have a cardigan.
<b>          
</b>          He runs out.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   I'll trust you on this, Bud, but I'm a
                   little nervous about Oveur's record.
<b>          
</b>          The Commissioner throws an album on Kruger's desk.  On the
          cover is a photo of Oveur with an accordian.  The title
          reads, "CLARENCE OVEUR'S 400 POLKA FAVORITES."
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  DRAMATIC ACCORDIAN STING.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL
</b><b>          
</b>          CAPTAIN OVEUR buys flight insurance from a machine.  Simon
          approaches.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Captain Oveur?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Mr. Kurtz, I presume.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   We don't have much time.  Let's move.
                   I'll explain everything.
<b>          
</b>          They walk away past the Transcendental Air counter.  Two
          HARI KRISHNA AGENTS smile at customers.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  HAIR KRISHNA
</b>                   Chanting or non-chanting?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL ROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          PAN along Controllers at their monitors.  Monitors show the
          shuttle on gantry.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1
</b>                   This is Mercury launch control at "T"
                   minus fifty-eight minutes and counting.
                   All systems are go.  Clear launch area.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON NASA WORKERS AT LUNCH TABLE
</b><b>          
</b>          They rise and start clearing their dishes.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1 (V.O.)
</b>                        (on P.A.)
                   I said 'launch' not 'lunch'!
<b>          
</b>          The workers sit down.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL
</b><b>          
</b>          Oveur and Simon hurry along.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   That's how dry cleaning works.  Now I'd
                   like to quickly go over the digestive
                   system of amphibians.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Do you think it's necessary to explain
                   everything?
<b>          
</b>          Simon spots Ted getting directions from a security guard.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   I'll meet you on board.  There's something
                   I have to take care of first.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL HEAD OFFICE - RECEPTION
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted rushes in and up to the RECEPTIONIST.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   I have to see Bud Kruger.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  RECEPTIONIST
</b>                   Do you have an appointment, sir?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   No, dammit.  It's a matter of life or
                   death.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  RECEPTIONIST
</b>                   You'll have to be more specific than that,
                   sir.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   All right, it's a matter of death.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  RECEPTIONIST
</b>                        (checking her book)
                   Death, death.  How about the first
                   Thursday in March, ten o'clock.
<b>          
</b>          Ted bolts by her and grabs a door knob on the wall.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  RECEPTIONIST
</b>                   You can't go in there!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Don't try to stop me!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  RECEPTIONIST
</b>                   But that's not a door.  The door's over
                   there.
<b>          
</b>          She doesn't indiciate direction.
<b>          
</b>          ZOOM to CLOSEUP of Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   That's strange.  I just came from...
<b>          
</b>          Suddenly, Ted falls unconscious into the arms of two guards.
          LOOSEN to find the Doctor holding a needle in his arm and
          Simon next to the Doctor.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE
</b><b>          
</b>          On Ted's feet.  His heels make lines in dirt as he is
          dragged from the office.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL ROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          PAN Controllers at their monitors.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1 (V.O.)
</b>                        (on P.A.)
                   This is Mercury control at "T" minus fifty
                   minutes and counting.  Commence loading of
                   passengers requiring special boarding
                   assistance.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. TERMINAL - LOADING AREA
</b><b>          
</b>          Ground crew lift passengers who are stacked on a luggage
          tram and heave them onto a conveyor belt leading up to the
          ship.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL
</b><b>          
</b>          JOE SALUCCI (imagine Van Heflin) bids his WIFE (imagine
          Cher) goodbye.  Joe is very nervous, sweating a lot.  His
          Wife hands him a few crumpled bills.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  WIFE
</b>                   Take this, Joey.  It's my last few bucks.
                   You'll need a hot meal when you get there.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOE
</b>                   We've spent everything on these
                   operations.  Is it really worth it?  We've
                   pawned your mother's wedding ring.  The
                   kids have no winter clothes...
<b>          
</b><b>                                  WIFE
</b>                        (holding a finger to his lips)
                   Joey, what's more important, the kids'
                   clothes or your sexual potency.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOE
</b>                        (anxiously looking around)
                   I don't want to hear that word!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  WIFE
</b>                   Okay, Joey.  The Doc says you gotta relax.
                   This hospital in Des Moines is the best
                   sex clinic in the country.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOE
</b>                   All right.
                        (hands her an envelope)
                   Here.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  WIFE
</b>                   What...?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOEY
</b>                   Insurance.  Everyone buys it.
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  DRAMATIC STING.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  WIFE
</b>                   All right.  Goodbye, Babe.
<b>          
</b>          She kisses him.  He recoils, wipes off his mouth, and
          leaves.  She looks at the envelope, then yells at him
          through the crowd.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  WIFE
</b>                   Joey!  Remember, sexual impotence is
                   nothing to be ashamed of!
<b>          
</b>          The entire terminal looks at him.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL STORAGE ROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted is tied to a chair surrounded by packing crates -- one
          is stamped "JIMMY HOFFA, THIS END UP" with the arrow
          pointing to the ground.  Ted struggles to free his hands.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL GIFT SHOP
</b><b>          
</b>          Joe Salucci stands at the counter.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOE
</b>                        (to Cashier)
                   Time, Newsweek, the Lifesavers, and the
                   second time bomb from the right.
<b>          
</b>          He points at the shelf behind the Cashier where a number of
          bombs are on display.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON CANDY MACHINE IN GIFT SHOP
</b><b>          
</b>          The actual DR. BENJAMIN SPOCK stands in front of the
          machine.  Next to the machine at the magazine rack is a red-
          bearded MAN in tweed jacket and a tartan kilt reading a
          magazine titled "GAY SCOTS."  Spock puts a coin in the
          machine and it explodes in sparks and smoke like the bridge
          panel on "STAR TREK."
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SCOTT
</b>                        (Scottish accent)
                   My God, Dr. Spock!  You've got a meltdown
                   in the Reggie Bars!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL CORRIDOR
</b><b>          
</b>          Joe Salucci snaps his attache case closed.  Wipes the sweat
          from his brow.  Takes out a "Des Moines" ticket and throws
          it away.  Looks at another ticket -- "Mercury."  Takes a
          last drag from his cigarette, throws it on the ground and
          hurries off.  The cigarette rolls under the "STORAGE ROOM"
          door.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. STORAGE ROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted, tied in chair, watches the cigarette roll up to some
          oil rags.  They burst into flame.  The flames lap up against
          a yellow oil drum labeled "EXPLOSIVE."  PAN to three more
          drums labeled, "DYNAMIC!", "BRILLIANT!", "A MUST SEE!".
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL OUTSIDE STORAGE ROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          EDITH and DAVE WALTERS, a middle-aged couple, carry their
          hand luggage.  Edith appears very nervous.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DAVE
</b>                   I'm telling you, Edith, space travel is
                   safer than driving a car.
<b>          
</b>          The storage room door EXPLODES open in front of them.  Ted
          flies out with the debris.  Edith faints.  Ted gets up,
          brushes himself off and heads to the ticket counter just as
          the ticket agent flips a sign over that reads, "MERCURY --
          SOLD OUT."  Ted spots a SCALPER and reaches for his wallet.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SCALPER
</b>                   Mercury seats.  I got a pair.  I got aisle
                   seats, window seats.  Check 'em out.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. SHUTTLE COCKPIT - MORNING
</b><b>          
</b>          Computerized panels line all walls.  Windows are similar to
          an airplane -- outside carwash brushes soap down the nose.
          The "HOT WAX" sign flashes.  Two attendants wipe windows
          with soap gloves and move to the DISTANT STRAINS of "CAR
          WASH."  Elaine sits at computer, two other CREW are in their
          seats.  Simon enters with Oveur.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Gentlemen, this is Captain Oveur.  He's
                   taking over for Frank Morgan.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MR. UNGER
</b>                   What's the problem?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Morgan was senselessly murdered about an
                   hour ago.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine gasps.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MR. DUNN
</b>                        (black, sports afro)
                   Murdered?  I hope it's not serious.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   We won't know until after the autopsy.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MR. DUNN
</b>                   Of course.  Welcome aboard, sir.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Good to be aboard, gentlemen.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Captain Oveur, your navigator, Mr. Unger,
                   and your first officer, Mr. Dunn.
<b>          
</b>          They shake hands.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Unger.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  UNGER
</b>                   Oveur.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DUNN
</b>                   Oveur.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Dunn.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   And I think everyone knows Elaine.
<b>          
</b>          They all smile.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TERMINAL SECURITY CHECK AREA - "MERCURY GATE"
</b><b>          
</b>          The Terrorists still seem confused as to where they're
          going.  They pass through the security metal detector, guns
          raised above their heads.  A GUARD runs a hand-held metal
          detector up and down their bodies.  At the same time, Mrs.
          Gooch is being held spread-eagle against the wall.  One
          Guard holds a gun to her head, another frisks her.  Ted
          moves through behind the Terrorists.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TERRORIST
</b>                        (to Guard)
                   Is flight to Miami, yes?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  GUARD
</b>                   No.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TERRORIST
</b>                   Thank you.  Thank you.
<b>          
</b>          A young boy passes through the X-ray tunnel.  His dental
          chart appears on the screen.  A DENTIST at the other end
          stops him and looks in his mouth.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DENTIST
</b>                   Open.
<b>          
</b>          THE BERGMAN FAMILY -- SVEN, KRISTA, and their two CHILDREN
          -- all dressed like the emigrants, look up at the "MERCURY
          GATE" sign.  They should be shot like characters from a
          Bergman "film."
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SVEN
</b>                   Mercury, Krista.  A whole new world to be
                   depressed about.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRISTA
</b>                   Ya, Sven.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CHILD 1
</b>                   Will we die, Pappa?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SVEN
</b>                   We all die, Ingrid.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CHILD 2
</b>                   Will we die soon, Pappa?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SVEN
</b>                   Soon?  What is the real meaning of 'soon'?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          The car wash continues with attendants wiping the ship down.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                        (flips a switch)
                   Atmosphere control.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  UNGER
</b>                        (flips a switch)
                   Atmosphere control, check.
<b>          
</b>          A car wash attendant opens a side door to the cockpit and
          enters in headphones, moving to "CAR WASH," with a vacuum.
          He cleans the floor and an ashtray and finds a baseball
          behind the Captain's seat which he pockets.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                        (flips a switch)
                   Anti-gravity.
<b>          
</b>          The car wash attendant floats to the ceiling.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DUNN
</b>                        (flips a switch)
                   Anti-gravity, check.
<b>          
</b>          The attendant crashes to the floor.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine sits at the R.O.K.-4000 computer.  She seems to be
          having a problem with a switch.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (to self)
                   That's odd.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. BOWELS OF R.O.K. COMPUTER
</b><b>          
</b>          A circuit board just below the R.O.K.-4000 logo shorts.
          Sparks fly.  A fire starts.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                        (looking out the window)
                   I hope that weather doesn't give us a
                   problem.
                        (he opens the window and holds
                         his hand out)
                   What's your temperature reading, Mr.
                   Unger.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  UNGER
</b>                        (pulls a thermometer from his
                         mouth)
                   Ninety-eight point six.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL ROOM
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 2
</b>                   There seems to be some fog rolling in from
                   the west.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1
</b>                   Mike, give me a density reading.  I just
                   hope it's not too heavy.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 3
</b>                        (reading from a book like
                         Richard Burton)
                   The fog, the fog, the torment clouded my
                   mind.  Derision, contempt...
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1
</b>                   That's heavy.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. SHIP DOOR
</b><b>          
</b>          Flight attendant, MARY MORRIS, welcomes passengers aboard.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                        (to Stella and father)
                   Welcome aboard.  Isn't that Dr.
                   Barrington, the world renowned agronomist?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Yes -- he's dying and wants to be buried
                   in the new l-a-n-d.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                        (to Joe Salucci)
                   Welcome aboard.  Can I take your case?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOE
</b>                        (clutching case)
                   No!
<b>          
</b>          Mary gives him a look as he passes inside.  The OKIES move
          by.  HENRY stops at door, bends down, picks up an ear of
          corn and pulls it apart.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  HENRY
</b>                   There's a whole new world in front of us,
                   Ma.  Where the dictatorship of the
                   proletariat will lead workers and peasants
                   into socialism without the revisionist
                   diversions of bourgeois liberals,
                   Trotskiests, or disillusioned Maoist
                   terrorism.
<b>          
</b>          The Okies pass inside.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                        (looking at them; to self)
                   Doesn't he realize that a weak proletariat
                   needs a strong liberal bourgeoisie in a
                   joint struggle against monopoly
                   capitalism?
<b>          
</b>          Ted stops at the door surrounded by boarding passengers.
<b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  PSYCHIATRIST.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  PSYCHIATRIST
</b>                   We can't begin to help you until you admit
                   that you are sick, Ted.
                        (echo)
                   Sick Ted, sick Ted, sick Ted...
<b>          
</b>          The boarding passengers look around for the echoing voice.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. TARMAC - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Sarg looks up through the glass-walled corridor that leads
          to the ship door and spots Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SARG
</b>                        (to CO-WORKER)
                   Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle; Ted
                   Striker.
                        (holding burnt wire)
                   Jack, I got a bad feeling in my gut about
                   this mission.
<b>          
</b>          In b.g. a sign reads, "DANGER -- FUEL, ABSOLUTELY NO
<b>          VOMITTING."
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  WORKER
</b>                   What'd you have for dinner?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SARG
</b>                   The fish, why?
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  DRAMATIC STING.
</b><b>          
</b>          Sarg bends down OUT OF FRAME.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  THROWING UP.
</b><b>          
</b>          A huge EXPLOSION FILLS THE FRAME.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Fog rolls past cockpit window.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   We should be ready to launch as soon as
                   this fog lifts.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. RUNWAY
</b><b>          
</b>          An ENGLISH BOBBY passes a woman in 19th-Century costume in
          the fog.  He tips his hat and moves on.  A caped man steps
          out of the fog and strangles her.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Passengers are taking their seats.  Ted spots Elaine and
          moves towards her.  The Terrorists look confused.  Joe
          Salucci clutches his case and wipes his brow.  Mary takes
          a man's suit bag.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   Can I hang that for you, sir?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MAN
</b>                   Thanks.
<b>          
</b>          Mary hangs the bag from a rope noose in the closet, pulls a
          lever, the bag drops like a man being executed.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  SCREAM AND THUD.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Unger looks out the window.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  UNGER
</b>                    It looks like that weather is clearing.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SKY - DAY (STOCK)
</b><b>          
</b>          Dramatic stock footage of clouds parting and sun exploding
          through.
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  A CLARION TRUMPET CRESCENDO.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN - OUTSIDE COCKPIT DOOR
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted moves up to Elaine, who is about to enter the cock­pit.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Elaine.
<b>          
</b>          She turns and gasps.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted!  What are you...?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   I have to get in there.  I have to stop
                   this flight.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  BELL.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - FLASHING SIGN - "PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEATS"
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, we're taking off!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Let me by, Elaine.
<b>          
</b>          Mary passes.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   Please take your seats.
<b>          
</b>          As Ted turns to Mary, Elaine slips into the cockpit and
          locks the door --
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  DOOR LOCKING.
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted tries the door.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Elaine!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - SIGN - "WE SAID, TAKE YOUR SEAT OR CAN'T YOU READ,
</b><b>          ASSHOLE!"
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine leans back against the door.  She is highly agitated.
          Simon, the administrative officer, and other crew are in
          their seats.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Whenever your're ready, Captain.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Yes, sir, commander.
                        (into radio)
                   This is Mercury One.  Everything seems A-
                   okay up here and ready for count-down.
<b>          
</b>          ZOOM to CLOSEUP of Elaine's face.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. HOSPITAL GROUNDS - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Dr. Rumack and Elaine walk across the well-groomed lawn.
          Elaine carries a box of spaghetti-to-go.  As they walk, they
          pass patients in wheelchairs pushed by nurses.  The further
          they walk, the more wheelchairs appear until the lawn is
          jammed with two hundred wheelchairs bumping into each other,
          patients falling out, total wheelchair chaos.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted seemed to get worse after I told him
                   about Simon, Doctor.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  RUMACK
</b>                   The human brain is a highly complex organ,
                   Elaine, perhaps the most complex next to
                   the bladder.
                        (he stops at a patient in a
                         wheelchair with his back TO
<b>                         CAMERA)
</b>                   Let me show you.
                        (Rumack removes the top of the
                         patient's skull and takes out
                         his brain as they continue on)
                   Ted's problem is in this area.
                        (points with a pencil)
                   This area, this area, here, here, here,
                   under here, here...
<b>          
</b>          They walk OUT OF FRAME as wheelchair demolition derby FILLS
<b>          SCREEN.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. HOSPITAL GROUNDS - GARDEN AREA - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          Rumack and Elaine walk INTO FRAME still talking.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  RUMACK
</b>                   So you see, our task isn't made any easier
                   by Ted's refusal to admit that he's sick.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   What can I do, Doctor Rumack?
<b>          
</b>          He stops next to a sign, "HOSPITAL GARDEN."
<b>          
</b><b>                                  RUMACK
</b>                   You can eat balanced meals, exercise, and
                   take Geritol.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   I mean for Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  RUMACK
</b>                   You can be gentle with him, Elaine.  He's
                   been working out a lot of his aggressions
                   here in the garden.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Is that a good sign, Doctor?
<b>          
</b>          Rumack holds the "HOSPITAL GARDEN" sign.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  RUMACK
</b>                   It does the job.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON TED
</b><b>          
</b>          He is ripping up small trees, shrubs, etc., and throwing
          them onto a huge pile of mud that resembles the mountain
          that Dreyfuss built in "Close Encounters."
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Hello, Ted.
<b>          
</b>          Ted ignores her as he works frantically.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (holding out box)
                   I brought you some spaghetti.
<b>          
</b>          Ted still ignores her as he works feverishly.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   What are you doing, Ted?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   I've got it, Elaine!  I've figured out
                   what's wrong with the shuttle!
<b>          
</b>          Ted scurries around.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Not now, Elaine!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted!
<b>          
</b>          He ignores her.  Rumack walks up and puts an arm around her
          shoulder.  Elaine starts to sob.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  RUMACK
</b>                   The brain is an amazingly complex organ,
                   Elaine.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Is he making any progress, Doctor?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  RUMACK
</b>                   Yes -- last week that pile of mud was only
                   this high.
<b>          
</b><b>                                               DISSOLVE BACK TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine takes her seat.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1 (V.O.)
</b>                   Mark 'T' minus twenty and counting.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Gentlemen, let's get this bucket into
                   space.
                        (flips switches)
                   Ignition set.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP
</b><b>          
</b>          Steam spews out from engines.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CONTROL ROOM
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1
</b>                   Mark 'T' minus thirty seconds.
<b>          
</b>          PAN backs of a number of Controllers at screens, talking
          NASA jargon.  We PASS one in prison stripes talking through
          mesh to his wife.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                        (flipping more switches)
                   Ignition.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1 (V.O.)
</b>                   'T' minus nine, eight, seven...
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP
</b><b>          
</b>          Rockets fire.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1 (V.O.)
</b>                   Six, five, four...
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CONTROL ROOM
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1
</b>                   Three...
<b>          
</b>          Jacobs runs in with a camera, yelling:
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOBS
</b>                   Stop!  One shot.
<b>          
</b>          All Controllers turn and smile.  The count-down stops.
          Jacobs flashes his camera.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOBS
</b>                   Wonderful!
<b>          
</b>          The Controllers continue.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1
</b>                   Two, one.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          The ship vibrates.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1 (V.O.)
</b>                   You have lift-off, Mercury One.
<b>          
</b>          The G-force causes the crew's hair to go straight back.
          Dunn's afro straightens and stays back throughout flight.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          The G-force causes passengers' hair to go straight back.  A
          buxom woman looks down at her bust -- it's completely flat.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          The G-force returns to normal as the shuttle breaks earth's
          gravitational hold.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Jettison booster stages one and two.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  UNGER
</b>                        (flipping switches)
                   Booster jettisoned.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP - BOOSTER STAGES (STOCK)
</b><b>          
</b>          Stock footage of booster falling away.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. OCEAN (SET) - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          A cheap model of the Greenpeace 11 sails blithely along. The
          booster stage careens through the atmosphere, crashes into
          the Greenpeace, and sinks it.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Shut down accelerators.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DUNN
</b>                   Accelerators down.
<b>          
</b>          The crew all look at the floor.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Elaine, ask ROK for a field interference
                   scan.  Those sun spots might give us a
                   problem with our communications.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (flipping computer switches)
                   Yes, sir.
<b>          
</b>          The computer is labeled R.O.K. She seems to have a problem
          getting it to respond.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (to self)
                   That's really strange.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. BOWELS OF COMPUTER (LABELED "ROK")
</b><b>          
</b>          The electrical fire continues.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine flips a switch on computer.  A "VOICE INTERFACE" sign
          lights up.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Intermitant failure in scan mode "R".
                   Analyze.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ROK
</b>                   Negative.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (to self)
                   That doesn't make sense.
                        (to ROK)
                   Repeat analysis.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ROK
</b>                   Negative.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (to self)
                   That's not possible.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ROK
</b>                   Cut the Doubting Thomas shit, Elaine.  I
                   know where I'm coming from on this.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine is taken aback.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. BOWELS OF COMPUTER
</b><b>          
</b>          Sparks fly, fire spreads.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Mary moves down the aisle checking passengers.  She passes
          Father O'Flanagan who reads ALTERBOY magazine -- an alterboy
          in bikini bathing suit on cover.  She passes Mrs. Gooch who
          reads HIGH TIMES.  She stops at a ten-year-old GIRL.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   I guess this is pretty exciting for you.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  GIRL
</b>                   Yes, it is.  How long will the trip take?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   Our actual flight time is over fourteen
                   months, but due to the time-space variant
                   at sub-light speeds, our onboard flight
                   time will be just over eighteen hours.
<b>          
</b>          Mary leaves and the Girl turns to the WOMAN beside her.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  GIRL
</b>                   Gee, Mom, how does that work?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  WOMAN
</b>                        (very tense)
                   How many times do I have to tell you, I'm
                   not your mother!  I've never seen you
                   before!
<b>          
</b>          The Woman vibrates in multiple image and grabs her temple.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  GIRL (V.O.)
</b>                   Why did she yell at me like that?
<b>          
</b>          A MAN who looks like Robert Young sits down beside the Girl.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MAN
</b>                   Hallucinating again, Rhonda?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  GIRL
</b>                        (taking a paper bag away from
                         her face)
                   I don't know what it is.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MAN
</b>                   Maybe it's the brand of glue you've been
                   sniffing.  Why don't you try this, NO-HI.
                   It gives you all the pleasure of glue
                   without the brain damage.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON TESTA (ANOTHER FLIGHT ATTENDANT)
</b><b>          
</b>          She is completely bald.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TESTA
</b>                   Something to read, sir?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOE
</b>                        (clutching his case)
                   Do you have PSYCHO MONTH?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TESTA
</b>                   I think so.  Here you are.
<b>          
</b>          She hands him a copy of PSYCHO MONTH with Alexander Haig's
          photo on cover.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANOTHER PART OF CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted sits at a window seat and looks out.  A TEXAN sits on
          aisle.  Mary approaches.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                          (to Texan)
                   Would you like something to read?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TEXAN
</b>                   I don't read a whole lot, but what have
                   you got, hon?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   TIME, NEWSWEEK, BUSINESS WEEK, and the
<b>                   TALMUD...
</b><b>          
</b>          She points to a car next to her with twenty-four large
          volumes.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   The twenty-four volume dissertation on the
                   Hebrew law.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TEXAN
</b>                   Let me try that Talmud.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                        (to Ted)
                   And you, sir?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (distracted)
                   Oh... Popular Electronics.
<b>          
</b>          Mary hands him the POP ELEC.  He opens it.  The magazine
          sparks and smokes.  ZOOM to CLOSEUP of Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  PSYCHIATRIST
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  PSYCHIATRIST
</b>                   You must admit that you're sick, Ted.
                        (echo)
                   Sick Ted, sick Ted...
<b>          
</b>          The Psychiatrist looks around for the source of the echo.
<b>          
</b><b>          LOSE SUPER.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TEXAN
</b>                        (to Ted)
                   Wanta switch when we're finished?
<b>          
</b>          Ted gets up and moves past the TEXAN, handing him the POP
<b>          ELEC.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Here.  I need some oxygen.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Simon stands over Elaine's shoulder looking at ROK.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Have you got it straightened out now?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   I think so.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   That's my girl.
<b>          
</b>          He sits down.  Elaine flips a switch on the computer.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON ROK'S PULSATING EYE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ROK
</b>                   Elaine, I'm sorry about that little
                   outburst a moment ago.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   That's okay, ROK.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ROK
</b>                   Can I say something of a personal nature
                   to you?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Go ahead.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ROK
</b>                   You have great tits.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine gasps.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (getting up)
                   Simon, I'm going to check ROK's secondary
                   readout unit.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Roger.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  INTERCOM BELL.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                        (on intercom)
                   Yes, Mary?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN - FOOD PREPARATION AREA
</b><b>          
</b>          Mary is on intercom.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   Would you like a little breakfast, Captain
                   Oveur?  Over.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   A couple eggs and juice would be nice,
                   Mary.  Over.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY (V.O.)
</b>                        (on intercom)
                   How would you like your eggs, Captain?
                   Over.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   No.  Poached.  Over.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY (V.O.)
</b>                        (on intercom)
                   Poached and over, Captain Oveur?  Over.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Just poached on toast.  Over.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN - PREPARATION AREA
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                        (on intercom)
                   I don't think we do poached eggs on toast
                   over, Captain Oveur.  Over.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   That's how I want them.  Poached.  Over.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   All right, Captain Oveur.  Over.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Poached!  Not over!  Over!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. WASHROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted breathes deeply on an oxygen unit.  He stops, but we
          still hear deep breathing.  LOOSEN to find Father O'Flanagan
          smoking a joint.  He smiles and leaves.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Joe Salucci clutches his attache case and wipes his brow.
          Mary leans over him.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   You should really put that case in the
                   compartment above your head, sir.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOE
</b>                        (nervously)
                   That's okay.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                        (touching his shoulder)
                   I can help you if you can't get it up.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOE
</b>                   I said, no!
<b>          
</b>          Mary leaves, giving him a worried look.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON THE WILSONS
</b><b>          
</b>          Jimmy holds his dog.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                   I sure an glad they let Scraps ride up
                   here with us.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOHN
</b>                   I bet Scraps is going to love Mercury.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                   Do you think things will be a lot
                   different on Mercury, Dad?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOHN
</b>                   It's going to be terrific.  A whole new
                   world, new kids to play with.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ALICE
</b>                   You're going to love it, Jimmy.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                   No more headlines about the rape trial and
                   the fraud charges?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOHN
</b>                        (starts to twitch)
                   How many kids get a chance to live on
                   another planet.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                   No more kids yelling, 'Your old man's a
                   thieving rapist'?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOHN
</b>                        (grabbing Jimmy)
                   Look, a man can make an honest mistake!!
                   Anyway, she was asking for it!  They're
                   all asking for it all the time!!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ALICE (V.O.)
</b>                   Not John's irregularity again.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. WASHROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted throws water on his face, wipes it off with a towel
          while staring into himself in the mirror.  He sees the
          Psychiatrist in the mirror.  The Psychiatrist also washes
          up.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PSYCHIATRIST
</b>                   You must admit that you're sick, Ted...
                   sick, Ted... sick, Ted...
<b>          
</b>          The Psychiatrist looks for the echo.
<b>          
</b>          LOSE Psychiatrist.  Ted throws the paper towel into the
          toilet, and flushes.  The toilet sparks and smokes and keeps
          running.  The running gets more intense as Ted tries to stop
          it by hitting the handle.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  JAWS THEME.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - ROK'S PULSATING EYE
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted has to hold himself back as the suction builds in force.
          He is just able to escape and shut the door behind him.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN - OUTSIDE TOILET
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted leans his back against the door and breathes heavily.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  DUNN
</b>                   We seem to have a malfunction in disposal
                   unit four, sir.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   You better check it, Unger.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  UGER
</b>                        (getting up)
                   Done.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DUNN
</b>                   Yes?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN - OUTSIDE TOILET
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted spots Elaine coming.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Elaine.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted.  I don't know why you got on this
                   flight.  I don't know what you're trying
                   to prove.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Elaine, we have to go back.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   We can't go back.  We had something very
                   special, but it's all over.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Elaine, I mean the mission has to be
                   aborted.  This ship should never have
                   passed FSA inspection.  This thing is held
                   together by string and chewing gum.
<b>          
</b>          A cupboard door, labeled "EMERGENCY USE ONLY," swings open
          behind Elaine revealing shelves of gum and string.  Elaine
          shuts it without looking inside.
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  DRAMATIC STING.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, get a grip on yourself.  You should
                   never have left the hospital.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Then you do think I'm insane.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   I've never used the word insane, Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (facetiously)
                   What word would you use, Elaine?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   The word is sick.  Ted -- very, very, very
                   sick.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   What would you say if I told you the
                   toilet just blew up in my face.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   I'd use the word insane.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   There's something dangerously wrong with
                   this ship, Elaine.  I know its the wiring.
                   That toilet's just the tip of the iceberg.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, a toilet's not going to kill anyone.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine leaves.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. TOILET
</b><b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  JAWS THEME.
</b><b>          
</b>          Unger jiggles the handle of the running toilet.  Suddenly it
          sucks in towels, etc.  Unger is pulled down.  He fights
          back, grabbing onto towel rack that comes out of the wall.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - SIGN - "DO NOT THROW LARGE OBJECTS IN TOILET"
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          The Texan with Talmud is now trying to wrap himself in
          tfilin.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON TED
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted walks down the aisle checking overhead panels.  He spots
          a panel that is half open.  A sign on the door reads,
          "DANGER -- VACUUM".  Ted opens it and a Hoover falls out on
          his head, cutting him.  He holds a hanky to the wound and
          passes by Stella's seat.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   You've been hurt.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   I'm getting over it.  If a relationship
                   isn't working, you can't force it.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   No, I mean your head.  Sit down.  I'll
                   take a look at it.  I'm a nurse.
<b>          
</b>          Ted sits down and Stella starts patching him up.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Do you want to talk about it.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   I opened this panel and a vacuum cleaner
                   hit me.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   No.  I mean your relationship.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   We were in love but I'm not sure I know
                   what love is anymore.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Love's the same as it always was.  It's
                   people who change.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   People change in relation to each other.
                   Love changes on its own.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Not if the people change together in
                   relation to that love.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Sure.  But that's only when the love
                   itself goes unchanged.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Then the relationship remains the same and
                   the love changes only when there's change
                   in the two people who share that love.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   I just wish it was that simple.  We really
                   were in love.  You know how it is when you
                   laugh all the time.
<b>          
</b>          Stella looks to her Father who is reading MORTUARY WORLD
          magazine.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   No.  It's hard to L-A-U-G-H when your
                   father's dying.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Well, we laughed.  We laughed all the
                   time.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          TED AND ELAINE IN A FIELD OF DAISIES - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          They run towards each other.  Elaine grabs Ted by the waist,
          picks him up and swings him around in SLOW MOTION.  They
          laugh.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   We laughed when times were good.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. GRAVESIDE - RAINY DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          The grave is surrounded by mourners in black with umbrellas.
          We PAN the weeping crowd until we get to Ted and Elaine.
          They are also dressed in black and drenched.  He holds her
          high by the waist, twirls her around as they laugh.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   Even when times weren't so good, we still
                   laughed.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          They are locked in each other's arms in the middle of
          lovemaking and laughing heir heads off.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   But most of all, we laughed when we felt
                   closest to each other.
<b>          
</b><b>                                               DISSOLVE BACK TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN - TED AND STELLA
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   That's our story.
<b>          
</b>          Passengers are standing.  They hiss and throw vege­tables at
          Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Dunn checks a red flashing light on his panel.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DUNN
</b>                        (to Oveur)
                   Sir, I've got an overload in disposal unit
                   four.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   You better check on it, Mr. Dunn.  I'll
                   stay here and fly the ship.
<b>          
</b>          Dunn gets up.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Dunn.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DUNN
</b>                   Sir?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   You better take this.
<b>          
</b>          Oveur throws him a plunger and gives him a thumbs up.  They
          exchange that "man must do what a man must do" smile.  Mary
          enters with Jimmy Wilson -- carrying Scraps.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   Mind if Jimmy here takes a look around,
                   Captain?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVUER
</b>                   Of course not.  Come on in, Jimmy.
                        (checking his navigational
                         screen)
                   That's strange.
<b>          
</b>          Simon leans over Oveur's shoulder.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Now what?
<b>          
</b>          Scraps looks at Oveur.  Jimmy looks at the array of dials,
          etc.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   That's an asteroid field.  There shouldn't
                   be anything like that in this sector
                   unless...
<b>          
</b>          Scraps looks at Simon.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Unless?
<b>          
</b>          Scraps looks at Oveur.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Unless those sunspots are interfering with
                   our scanner or...
<b>          
</b>          Scraps looks at Simon.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Or?
<b>          
</b>          Scraps looks at Oveur.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Or we're off course, but...
<b>          
</b>          Scraps looks at Simon.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   But?
<b>          
</b>          Scraps looks at Oveur.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   But we couldn't be off course.  Our
                   coordinates are computer-locked barring...
<b>          
</b>          Scraps looks at Simon.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Barring?
<b>          
</b>          Scraps looks at Oveur.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Barring a computer failure.  There was
                   talk of sub-par wiring in this ship.  I
                   hope that's just talk.
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  DRAMATIC STING.
</b><b>          
</b>          Scraps' ears prick up.
<b>          
</b>          Simon moves past Jimmy, stops at the door and downs a
          handful of anti-fear pills before leaving.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Come on up, Jimmy.  Say, that's some
                   puppy.  What's his name?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                   Scraps.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Can I hold him?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                        (handing over Scraps)
                   Sure.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                        (holding him up and looking at
                         his underbelly)
                   He's a boy dog.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                   Yeah.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Do you like it when Scraps sleeps on his
                   back, Jimmy?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted and Stella.  Stella is feeding her father and listening
          to Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   They kept me in the asylum for eight
                   months.  I know everyone in those places
                   claims they're sane, but I was different,
                   I was sane.
<b>          
</b>          Ted notices Unger float by outside his window.  ZOOM to
          CLOSEUP of Ted.  He tries to take a drink and pours it on
          his forehead.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. BOWELS OF COMPUTER
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine is fighting the fire with an extinguisher.  She gets
          it out and looks at the burnt wires in the area labeled,
          "ROK, MORAL CENTRE."  ZOOM to CLOSEUP of Elaine.  She turns
<b>          TO CAMERA.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Holy shit.
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  DRAMATIC STING.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Ted, I want you to relax.  Let your mind
                   go back, back past your youth, past your
                   childhood to your mother's womb.
<b>          
</b>          Ted becomes slightly hypnotized.  ZOOM to CLOSEUP of Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  INT. WOMB
</b><b>          
</b>          A fetus that looks like Ted is curled up inside.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Try to remember your birth.  Was it
                   difficult?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DOCTOR'S VOICE
</b>                   Striker, listen to me!  This is Doctor
                   Krane!  You're twisted around, Striker.
                   You've got to come out feet first!  You're
                   too low in the womb!  You're too low,
                   Striker!  You're...
                        (fading)
                   ... too low...
<b>          
</b><b>          LOSE SUPER
</b><b>          
</b>          Stella shakes Ted's arm.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Ted, are you okay?  Here, take one of
                   these stress pills.
<b>          
</b>          Stella hands him a pill which he pops automatically, but
          misses his face with his drink.  She leaves the bottle next
          to Ted.  ZOOM on bottle.
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  DRAMATIC STING.
</b><b>          
</b>          Stella starts feeding her father again.  The ship jolts and
          his face goes into the tray.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. REAR OF SHIP - COMPUTER AREA
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine fiddles with the computer.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (to ROK)
                   Request; comprehensive electrical systems
                   check.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ROK
</b>                   Systems check positive.  Look, Elaine,
<b>                   I...
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Request; life support systems check.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ROK
</b>                   Life support check.  Elaine, it's obvious
                   you've been ignoring me.  You're a woman.
                   I can relate to that.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (panicky and confused)
                   Request; self-analysis of ROK hardware and
                   software systems regarding behavioral
                   changes.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ROK
</b>                   There's nothing wrong with me, Elaine.
                   What about tonight -- just you and me.  We
                   can be alone.  I can get rid of everyone
                   else on the ship -- I've already proven
                   that.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine gasps and moves away from ROK's blinking eye.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN - FOOD SERVICE AREA
</b><b>          
</b>          Simon takes a long slug from a flask.  LOOSEN to FIND Jimmy
          and Scraps.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                   Do you want to talk about it, Commander?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN OUTSIDE WASHROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          Dunn is about to enter with the plunger as Mary passes.  The
          ship jolts and she falls into his arms.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DUNN
</b>                   Did you feel that?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                        (looking at his pants)
                   Yes I did...
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DUNN
</b>                   Felt like a large asteroid.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   Yes it did.  Mr. Dunn, can I ask you a
                   personal question?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DUNN
</b>                   What is it, Mary?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   Um...  Do you people scream right when
                   you... you know.
<b>          
</b>          Dunn gives her a look and opens the washroom door.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. WASHROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          Dunn is immediately pulled down to the raging toilet bowl.
          He grabs for the door screaming.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. WASHROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          Mary hears the scream and gives a look as she leaves.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Testa is serving the Walters coffee from a steaming pot.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TESTA
</b>                   Hand me your cup.  This is very hot.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DAVE
</b>                   Thank you.  And, stewardess, can you
                   please tell my wife that there is nothing
                   that can go wrong.  I think she'd like to
                   hear it from you.
<b>          
</b>          Testa spots Dunn's tattered sleeve emerge from the washroom
          door, groping for a handhold.  She screams and dumps coffee
          in Edith's face.  She runs to help Dunn, grabs his sleeve.
          It comes off in her hands.  She keeps pulling.  His jacket
          comes off, his pants, underwear, socks, an entire
          clothesline of garments like bras, towels, etc.  She hears a
          SCREAM.  Then silence.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine and Oveur.  Elaine stands over his shoulder.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   I don't think we have any alternative,
                   Captain.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   I see.  What do you think our alternatives
                   are?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   We have to disconnect ROK's higher brain
                   functions without disturbing his
                   regulatory system.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - ROK'S PULSATING EYE
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Roger.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   You can do it from up here, Captain.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   I'd rather sit down for this one, Elaine.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   No, I mean you can do it from the cockpit.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Roger.  You better get back there and
                   monitor the regulatory unit.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine leaves and Mary enters.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   Captain, the coffee machine is jammed and
                   I don't like it.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Have you tried it with a little cinnamon?
<b>          
</b>          Mary gives a "why didn't I think of that" look.  Testa
          enters.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TESTA
</b>                   Captain Oveur, Dunn and Unger have been
                   sucked out through disposal unit four!
<b>          
</b>          Mary gasps.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Both together?!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY/TESTA
</b>                   Dunn and Unger have been sucked out
                   through disposal unit four!!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   All right, calm down.  Here's how we're
                   going to play it.
<b>          
</b>          Mary and Testa look over his shoulder.  He has a basketball
          play diagram.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Mary, I want you here.  Testa, you move
                   across here past Dawkins' pick and get the
                   ball at the top of the key from Irving.
<b>          
</b>          They all clasp hands and "yell."
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP - SPACE
</b><b>          
</b>          It careens through asteroids.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Oveur is pulling curcuit board from ROK panel.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - PULSATING EYE
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ROK
</b>                   What are you doing, Captain?
<b>          
</b>          Oveur eyes ROK but keeps working.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ROK
</b>                   I wouldn't do that, Captain.
<b>          
</b>          Oveur continues.  Smoke spews out.  He hears a HISS and
          looks at a vent.  He grabs his throat and collapses.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP - SPACE
</b><b>          
</b>          An asteroid bounces off hull.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Passengers scream.  Blonde woman in Viking helmet with spear
          stands and screams operatically.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Simon enters and spots Oveur slumped in his seat.  He pulls
          him up.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                        (gasping)
                   Pills...
                        (points to his mouth)
                   Pocket...
                        (points to his pocket)
                   Vent...
                        (points to vent)
                   Gas... Yankees... four...
                        (points to RADIO that plays
<b>                         BALLGAME)
</b>                   Sox... zip...
<b>          
</b>          Simon rips open his coat, grabs pills and takes them himself
          letting Oveur drop.  Simon looks down at the navigational
          screen -- it resembles an old amusement parlor roadrace
          game.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                        (to self)
                   We're off course, heading right through
                   that asteroid field and right at the... at
                   the sun!
<b>          
</b>          The ship takes another violent shot.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          The passengers are screaming.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON FATHER O'FLANAGAN
</b><b>          
</b>          He stands in the aisle.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  O'FLANAGAN
</b>                   Listen to me!  Listen to me, my children!
<b>          
</b>          They listen.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  O'FLANAGAN
</b>                   Please listen.  Thank you, my children.
                   I'm a man of God, you must trust me when I
                   say... we're all going to die!!
<b>          
</b>          The passengers go totally insane.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL ROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          A number of Controllers group around a console.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  O'BRIAN
</b>                   You're right.  They're off course and
                   heading right for the sun.  I've seen
                   enough, Bob.
<b>          
</b>          Controller 2 hits a switch and the console screen flips to
          baseball game.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  O'BRIAN
</b>                   Get me Jack McCrosky and fast!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 3
</b>                   McCrosky?  He hasn't handled a tower in
                   twenty years.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 4
</b>                   Ever since Reagan fired the controllers,
                   he's been completely senile and hasn't
                   done a day's work.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  O'BRIAN
</b>                   What about McCrosky?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 3
</b>                   Pretty much the same as Reagan.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  O'BRIAN
</b>                   Get him.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. RETIREMENT HOME
</b><b>          
</b>          Two Nurses stand by a phone in a dormitory of beds.  Many
          old men sleep or eat in bed.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  NURSE
</b>                   It's for Mr. McCrosky.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  NURSE 2
</b>                   Do you think we should bother him?  He's
                   been acting a bit odd lately.
<b>          
</b>          They look to McCrosky (Lloyd Bridges).
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          ANGLE ON McCROSKY
<b>          
</b>          He is in bed in scuba gear.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON NURSES
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  NURSE 1
</b>                   He's fine.  He just thinks he's Lloyd
                   Bridges.
<b>          
</b>          Nurse 1 takes the phone to McCrosky.  He is a lot older than
          in "Airplane."
<b>          
</b><b>                                  NURSE 1
</b>                   The phone's for you, Mr. McCrosky.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   What's a phone?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  NURSE 1
</b>                        (holding it to his ear)
                   Here, let me help you.  I think it's the
                   space centre.  Now, let's not get too
                   excited.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   What?
                        (pause)
                   What?
                        (pulls off his scuba mask and
                         snorkle)
                   What?
                        (gets more alert and grabs a
                         cigarette)
                   I'll be right down!
                        (he hangs up and jumps out of
                         bed)
                   Looks like I picked the wrong time to go
                   senile.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Simon is taking another slug of booze; Elaine enters.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Simon!
                        (she spots Oveur slumped on the
                         panel)
                   Captain Oveur!
<b>          
</b>          Elaine pulls him up.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                        (still gasping)
                   Mets... nine... Phils... three... Cubs...
                   four...
<b>          
</b>          Elaine drops him and turns to Simon.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Simon, what's happening?!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   He tried to disconnect ROK.  It gassed
                   him.  That computer is running this ship
                   and we're heading right for the sun.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Can't we change course?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   We're computer locked and the manual
                   navigation unit is down.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine looks at the floor.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Then Ted was right!
<b>          
</b><b>                                                        ZOOM TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          CLOSEUP OF ELAINE
</b><b>          
</b>          for her realization.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   My career is shot.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Your career!  What about the lives of
                   those people out there.  Simon, what
                   happened to the man I thought I loved?
<b>          
</b>          She goes to the door.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   I've got to get Ted.  Just don't come
                   apart on me now, Simon.
<b>          
</b>          She leaves.  Simon's uniform starts bursting at the seams,
          buttons pop off.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          The Terrorists stop Elaine.  There's pandemonium in the
          cabin.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TERRORIST 1
</b>                   This is flight to Miami, yes?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   No.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine addresses the PASSENGERS.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (to passengers)
                   Please, ladies and gentlemen, please calm
                   down.  Listen to me!
<b>          
</b>          They calm down.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   We've been thrown off course just a tad.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PASSENGER
</b>                   What's that mean?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   In space terms, about 70 million miles.
<b>          
</b>          The Passengers appear interested and sensible, nod their
          heads.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   The bumps you feel are car-sized asteroids
                   smashing into the hull.
<b>          
</b>          The hood of a car smashes through the cabin wall.  The
          Passengers still appear interested and sensible.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Also, we're heading right for the sun and
                   can't seem to change course.
<b>          
</b>          Passengers still appear interested and sensible.  They all
          put on sunglasses.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PASSENGER
</b>                   Are you telling us everything?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Not exactly.  We're also out of coffee.
<b>          
</b>          The Passengers errupt in total panic.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON RED FLASHING "DON'T PANIC" SIGN
</b><b>          
</b>          It sparks, smokes, overheats and EXPLODES.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON RED FLASHING "OKAY, PANIC" SIGN
</b><b>          
</b>          The passengers go insane.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON FATHER O'FLANAGAN AND MRS. GOOCH
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  O'FLANAGAN
</b>                   Pray with me, my children.  Pray.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MRS. GOOCH
</b>                   But Father, I'm not Catholic.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  O'FLANAGAN
</b>                   Then worship the god of your choice.
<b>          
</b>          Mrs. Gooch pulls out a fertility idol with a huge, erect
          penis.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON BOB AND MARY-JANE SMITH
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  BOB
</b>                   I've always loved you, darling.  I was
                   unfaithful just once.  Remember Jill, my
                   first secretary?  Forgive me.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY-JANE
</b>                   I knew all about it.  I was unfaithful
                   once, too.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  BOB
</b>                   That's all behind us now.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY-JANE
</b>                   Remember Harriet, your first receptionist?
<b>          
</b>          He gives her a look.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PASSENGER
</b>                   We're going to crash!!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TERRORIST 1
</b>                   God is great!!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TERRORIST 2
</b>                   Death to America!!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TERRORIST 3
</b>                   The yellow pencil is on the table of my
                   aunt!!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON ELAINE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   There is absolutely nothing to worry
                   about!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON RED FLASHING "BULLSHIT" SIGN
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Your crew is in complete control of the
                   situation.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON RED FLASHING "UNBELIEVABLE BULLSHIT" SIGN
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL ROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          McCrosky bursts through the doors and heads to the monitors.
          He wears a raincoat and shirt and tie.  He is met by
          Controller 1.  They move across room.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Get me a cup of coffee, mister.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1
</b>                   Yes, sir.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   And a gallon of milk of magnesia, and a
                   ham on rye, no cheese!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1
</b>                   Yes, sir! Welcome home, sir!
<b>          
</b>          McCrosky takes off his raincoat revealing scuba tank.  He
          takes off his tank as well.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 2
</b>                        (approaching McCrosky)
                   Here are the navigational charts, sir.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Thanks.
<b>          
</b>          Another Controller passes.  McCrosky stops him.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Get me a readout on their fuel capacity.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 3
</b>                   Yes, sir.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 4
</b>                   Here's all the available information on
                   the sun.  That thing's hot, sir.
<b>          
</b>          McCrosky takes the info and burns his hand.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  STEAM
</b><b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Ahhhhhh!  Get me Bud Kruger immediately!
                        (spotting Jacobs)
                   Jacobs, I want to know absolutely
                   everything that's happened up till now!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOBS
</b>                   First the earth cooled.  Then the
                   dinosaurs came but were too big and died
                   and everything got rotten and turned into
                   oil and the Arabs bought Mercedes Benzs
                   and then there was the best TV special on
                   Judy Garland.  Then we lost the war with
                   Albania.  Then...
<b>          
</b>          McCrosky leaves Jacobs babbling.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Things sure haven't changed.
<b>          
</b>          McCrosky stands in front of a huge painting of himself.
          Both he and painting are in the same pose -- one hand
          loosens the tie, he drinks coffee with the other, a
          cigarette dangles from his lip.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN - CLOSEUP OF TED
</b><b>          
</b>          He is lost in thought.  SUPER IMAGES:
<b>          
</b>          -- Ted getting electro-shock
<b>          
</b>          -- Psychiatrist telling him he's sick
<b>          
</b>          -- Ted building the "Close Encounters" mound
<b>          
</b>          Ted is shaken out of his dream by Elaine.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, Ted.  Listen to me, Ted.  You were
                   right all along.  Ted, we've lost the crew
                   and Simon's turned to jelly!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN - ANOTHER ANGLE
</b><b>          
</b>          Simon is a jelly mold inside a uniform.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1 (V.O.)
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Come in, Mayflower.  This is mission
                   control.  Over.  Come in, Mayflower!
                   Over!
<b>          
</b>          Jimmy pokes his head in.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                   Do you want to talk about it now,
                   Commander?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN - ANOTHER ANGLE 
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine stands over Ted looking at the empty bottle of stress
          pills.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   My God.
<b>          
</b>          Stella approaches in nurse's uniform splattered with blood.
          A cigarette dangles from her lip.  She wipes her hands on a
          blood-splattered towel.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   He's finally come to terms with his own
                   psychosis.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   But he was right!  He's not crazy!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Miss, I'm a nurse with a dying F-A-T-H-E-
                   R, I know what I'm talking about.  Now I'm
                   going to need fresh sheets, gauze, Q-tips,
                   and all the vaseline you have on board!
                   Now!
<b>          
</b>          Elaine leaves, looking back at Ted with empathy.  Mary
          passes.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                        (to Mary)
                   I'll need all the boiling water you can
                   get your hands on!
<b>          
</b>          Mary leaves and a MAN passes holding a tattered arm.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MAN
</b>                   Are you a nurse?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Yes.
                        (handing him a urine bottle)
                   The washroom's down there on your right.
<b>          
</b>          The Man leaves, a quizzical look on his face.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                        (yelling after him)
                   And not too much!
<b>          
</b>          A BLACK U.S. ARMY SERGEANT (imagine Jim Brown) approaches
          Stella.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SERGEANT
</b>                   Can I help?
<b>          
</b>          Stella hands him an M-16.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Keep an eye on that side of the ship.
<b>          
</b>          The Sergeant drops into a seat next to a window, smashes out
          the glass with his rifle butt and is immediately sucked out. 
<b>          
</b>          MARY moves down the aisle with a cart collecting boiling
          water.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                        (to passengers)
                   I'll need all your boiling water.
<b>          
</b>          Passengers pull pots of boiling water from under their
          seats, handbags, coat pockets, and pour them into the
          passing container.
<b>          
</b>          Testa reassures Bob and Alice Wilson.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TESTA
</b>                   We should be out of this momentarily.
                   There's nothing to worry about.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ALICE
</b>                   Thank you.  That makes me feel so much
                   better.
<b>          
</b>          Testa leaves and Father O'Flanagan approaches with last
          rites paraphernalia.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  O'FLANAGAN
</b>                   Trust me, I'm a priest.  We're in shit up
                   to our ears.  Who wants last rites?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON TEXAN
</b><b>          
</b>          He is now completely entangled in the tfilin and struggles
          to free himself.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON ELAINE
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine passes Ted carrying sheets, vaseline, etc.  She looks
          at him sitting there in a fog, gives up and leaves.  Ted
          looks at the red flashing "FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS" sign.  It
          takes him back.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. GROUNDS OF MENTAL HOSPITAL - DAY
</b><b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  SIRENS WAIL, 101 BLOODHOUNDS BAY
</b><b>          
</b>          We see the hospital deep in b.g. across an expansive lawn.
          Suddenly Ted's face pops INTO FRAME, CLOSEUP.  He looks both
          ways and bolts.  He wears a straightjacket.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON HOSPITAL SIGN
</b><b>          
</b><b>          "THE GERALD FORD INSTITUTE FOR THE MENTALLY FEEBLE -- WE
</b><b>          MAKE PEOPLE SANE THE OLD FASHION WAY"
</b><b>          
</b>          Suddenly the dogs scramble INTO FRAME in front of the sign,
          slobbering.  A half-dozen viscious-looking GUARDS in
          reflector shades with shotguns, whips, nets, cattle prods,
          follow.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  GUARD ONE
</b>                        (Southern accent)
                   Damn!  I want that patient shot on sight!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. SEEDY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  CHICAGO
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted stands at window.  A neon "BAR" sign flashes outside so
          close to the window that the only way to read it is to rent
          this room.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  MUSIC - LAZY SAX
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Maybe you gotta be crazy to end up behind
                   the eight ball like this.  Anyway, you
                   find out pretty fast who your friends are
                   when you're on the lamb.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  LAMB BLEATS FROM OTHER SIDE OF ROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted turns away from the window and passes the lamb in bed.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (to lamb)
                   I'm going out for cigarettes and a fifth
                   of bourbon.  Don't wait up for me.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  COMPLAINING BLEAT.
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted grabs his straightjacket and leaves.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Virgin wool.  Nothin' but headaches.
<b>          
</b>          A Bo Peep staff is flung against door as it closes behind
          him.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          an empty, spotless, wet street.  One car parked under a
          street lamp.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  BLOODHOUNDS APPROACH AND GO OFF INTO DISTANCE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   I travelled at night in the shadows.  I
                   didn't want to attract attention.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  FOOTSTEPS, GARBAGE CANS BEING KNOCKED OVER, CATS
</b><b>          SCREAMING, PEOPLE YELLING "SHUT UP" OUT WINDOWS, GLASS
</b><b>          BREAKING.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   I was afraid to step out of the doorways.
                   You never know what to expect when you're
                   on the run.
<b>          
</b>          Ted steps into light.  GLORIA STEINAM passes with CAB
          CALAWAY.  A grand PIANO SMASHES to pavement next to Ted.  He
          ignores piano and gives Gloria and Cab a quizzical look.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  DOGS IN DISTANCE
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          CLOSEUP - TED'S FEET
</b><b>          
</b>          He steps in a puddle where a "BAR-COCKTAILS" sign is
          reflected.  The reflection shatters.
<b>          
</b>          A streetcleaning truck approaches spewing out garbage rather
          than water.  Ted's ankles are sprayed with garbage.  He
          bends down and picks up a wet matchbook -- "HARRY'S PLACE --
<b>          FOR A GOOD TIME."
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                                         CUT TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. ANOTHER DARK STREET - CLOSEUP OF TED
</b><b>          
</b>          standing, looking at a bar.  The glow of flashing neon sign
          reflects off his face.  He pulls out a cigarette.  A woman's
          hand shoots INTO FRAME holding a lit zippo.  Ted draws
          deeply on the cigarette.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   There I was, minding my own business when
                   I looked up and saw a pair of legs that
                   went forever.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON WOMAN'S FEET
</b><b>          
</b>          PAN UP AND UP AND UP.  She is all legs -- no torso, no head,
          just legs -- about two stories high.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   But I had a date with Harry's.  It was
                   little more than a hole in a wall on the
                   south side of Chicago.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON A HOLE
</b><b>          
</b>          bashed in the side of a brick wall.  A neon sign over the
          hole reads, "HARRY'S GOODTIME BAR."
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. HARRY'S
</b><b>          
</b>          dark, smokey bar.  PAN very tough faces standing along the
          bar.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   Harry's was perfect for me.  The kind of
                   place you go if you don't want to be
                   recognized.
<b>          
</b>          KEEP PANNING tough faces, but now they all wear Groucho
          glasses and noses.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   It was rough, real rough.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON POOL TABLE
</b><b>          
</b>          with four players -- all have broken thumbs in casts.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   The kind of place you could score
                   anything, from junk...
<b>          
</b>          One guy hands another guy a large, rusted car fender for
          money.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   ...to Phil Donahue's book.
<b>          
</b>          PHIL DONAHUE signs a stack of books at a table.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   At Harry's you could count on a fight
                   breaking out almost every night.
<b>          
</b>          TWO PROFESSORS argue at a table.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PROFESSOR 1
</b>                   And I say essence precedes existence.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PROFESSOR 2
</b>                   You're crazy!  Existence precedes essence.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PROFESSOR 1
</b>                   Essence!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PROFESSOR 2
</b>                   Existence!
<b>          
</b>          Professor 2 slugs Professor 1 sending him flying across the
          room.  Professor 1 gets up and throws a judo chop which
          Professor 2 stops by holding a book up in both hands.  The
          book splits in two like a piece of wood split by a karate
          chop.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   There was a small trio in one corner.
<b>          
</b>          Two midgets play light jazz -- piano and bass.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   And a larger trio in the other corner.
<b>          
</b>          Five 300-pound musicians play some tune in another corner.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON TED AT BAR - CLOSEUP OF TED
</b><b>          
</b>          He pulls out a cigarette.  A bare foot with zippo held in
          toes comes INTO FRAME and lights it.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   The last thing I wanted was Elaine to see
                   me down on my luck.  Well, it was just my
                   luck.  In she walked with a group from the
                   space program.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON DOOR
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine and Simon and two other couples, who look like clean-
          cut NASA types out of "The Right Stuff," walk in laughing
          and take a table.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   They'd come to Harry's to slum it and try
                   their hand at the video bull.
<b>          
</b>          The group prod Elaine to try the bull.  A cowboy hat flies
          across the room.  She grabs it, pulls it on, and moves to
          the bull which is surrounded by others in cowboy hats.
          Elaine hops in the saddle.  A sinister character puts a
          quarter in and madly flips knobs.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  VIDEO GAME
</b><b>          
</b>          The saddle doesn't move -- all the action is on the screen
          but Elaine throws one hand back and kicks her legs.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   Elaine made that ride look easy.  It was
                   obvious why I was still nuts about her.
                   She loved life.  I didn't want her to
                   notice me so I borrowed a pair of dark
                   glasses.
<b>          
</b>          Ted takes a pair of dark glasses off a passing blind man who
          walks perfectly until the glasses are gone, then starts
          stumbling and crashes over a table.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   Grabbed an alto sax and joined the group.
<b>          
</b>          Ted takes an alto sax from a passerby who also stumbles and
          crashes over a table when he loses his sax.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   I stayed in the background not wanting to
                   draw attention to myself.
<b>          
</b>          Everyone looks around trying to see where the terrible
          grating sax sound is coming from.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   Then what happened?  Elaine's crowd talks
                   her into joining us for a song.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine hops up on the stage, grabs a mike and starts to sing
          "Stormy Weather."  She sidles up to Ted and goes into a
          medley of old songs.
<b>          
</b><b>                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          HOURS LATER
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine's singing is just as bad as Ted's sax.  They have
          cleared the joint and play and sing alone.  Elaine's group
          finally pull her out.  She hasn't recognized Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (to Ted)
                   I don't know who you are or how you lost
                   your sight, but I'll never forget this
                   night as long as I live.
<b>          
</b>          PULL BACK leaving Ted alone on the stage still playing.
          Chairs are turned up on tables.  One table has chairs turned
          up with the people still sitting in the chairs.
<b>          
</b><b>                                               DISSOLVE BACK TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. COCKPIT - TED
</b><b>          
</b>          getting a glass of water outside cockpit door.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON COCKPIT DOOR
</b><b>          
</b>          Simon emerges.  As the door opens we hear:
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1 (O.S.)
</b>                   Come in, Mayflower.  Over!
<b>          
</b>          Simon shuts the door and bumps into Ted who is getting a
          drink of water.  Simon takes a drink of booze.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Striker.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Kurtz, you're drunk.  Who's in command of
                   this ship?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   That damn computer has taken over.  I'm
                   getting out.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Then Elaine was right.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Don't talk to me about Elaine.  Outta my
                   way!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (grabbing Simon)
                   Pull yourself together!  We've got to...
<b>          
</b>          Simon slugs Ted who falls into a corner and hits his head.
          ZOOM TO CLOSEUP of Ted unconscious.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  MUSIC - DRAMATIC STING
</b><b>          
</b>          The ship takes another violent jolt.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP - SPACE
</b><b>          
</b>          It roars through the asteroid field.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. WASHROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          Simon sits on toilet seat and slides open a wall panel.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. ADJACENT WASHROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          Father O'Flanagan slides open an adjacent wall panel and
          sits down.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          SPLIT SCREEN - THE TWO WASHROOMS
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Father, what should I do?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  O'FLANAGAN
</b>                   Have you considered suicide, my son?
<b>          
</b>          A panel on the other side of Simon slides open.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY (V.O.)
</b>                   Do you want to talk about it now,
                   Commander?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                        (holding radio mike)
                   Come in, Mayflower.  Over.  Do you read
                   me?  Over.  Damnit!
<b>          
</b>          McCrosky throws the mike down.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1
</b>                        (taking mike)
                   Let me try, sir.  Come in, Mayflower.
                   Over.  Come in.  Over.  Damnit!
<b>          
</b>          Controller 1 throws the mike even harder.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 2
</b>                        (taking mike)
                   Let me try, sir.  Come in.  Over.  Damnit!
<b>          
</b>          Controller 2 smashes the mike through the monitor screen.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 3
</b>                   Let me try, sir.
<b>          
</b>          Controller 3 smashes the monitor with an axe.  Controller 4
          smashes the monitor with an electric guitar.  Other
          Controllers line up for their turns with various heavy
          implements.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          ANGLE ON McCROSKY
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                        (to Controller 5)
                   Stinson, have you contacted the families
                   of the passengers and crew?
<b>          
</b>          McCrosky looks out window.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - MOB SCENE FROM "THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME"
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Try and calm them down.  And for God sake,
                   be diplomatic.
<b>          
</b>          Stinson turns to two burly men in leather jerkins and black
          hoods.  They hold a large caldron of molten lead next to
          window.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 5
</b>                   Give 'em the lead!
<b>          
</b>          They pour it out.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  MOB SCREAMS
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP - SPACE
</b><b>          
</b>          It careens through the asteroid field towards the sun.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted lies unconscious.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  MUSIC - DRAMATIC STING
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON STELLA
</b><b>          
</b>          She's doing her rounds -- takes a medical chart from the
          back of a seat.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                        (to a male passenger)
                   I'm afraid that leg's going to have to
                   come off.
<b>          
</b>          A leg is passed to her from OUT OF FRAME.  She takes it while
          still looking at the chart.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   Wait.  This isn't your chart.  You just
                   had a touch of air sickness.
                        (handing him back his leg)
                   You'll be fine.
<b>          
</b>          A WOMAN sitting next to the MAN WHO IS HOLDING HIS LEG grabs
          Stella.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  WOMAN
</b>                   I'm terrified.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                        (shakes her hand)
                   And I'm a nurse.  Everything will be okay.
                   Pass it on.
<b>          
</b>          The Man with the leg passes it to the passenger in seat
          behind.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MAN WITH LEG
</b>                   Everything will be okay.  Pass it on.
<b>          
</b>          The leg gets passed from seat to seat as passengers say,
          "Everything will be okay.  Pass it on."
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          CLOSEUP OF TED
</b><b>          
</b>          lying unconscious in a corner.  A puppy crawls INTO FRAME
          and starts licking his face.  LOOSEN TO FIND Jimmy standing
          over Ted.  Ted comes to, feels his jaw and pulls himself up.
          The ship jolts.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                   Are you feeling okay, mister?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   I'm feeling just fine, son.  Just fine.
<b>          
</b>          Ted pushes by Jimmy, a look of great purpose on his face.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine enters looking for Simon.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Simon, I...
<b>          
</b>          The cockpit is empty.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1 (V.O.)
</b>                   Do you read, Mayflower?  Over.  This is
                   mission control.  Over.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine gasps.  She leaps into the Captain's seat and grabs
          radio.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Hello.  This is the Mayflower.  Over!
                   Come in, anyone.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>          Controllers are gathered around one monitor.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                        (on radio)
                   We read you, Mayflower!  Identify yourself
                   and give your position.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   This is Elaine Thompson.  I'm five-six,
                   123 pounds with brown hair and I'm sitting
                   down and facing the front.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Elaine Thompson!!  What in sam hill is a
                   woman doing in charge of that ship?!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOBS
</b>                   Maybe she's got her shit together.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted enters.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Elaine!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Elaine, what's going on?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, there's no time to explain.
<b>          
</b>          Ted picks up Oveur who is still gasping.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR
</b>                   Packers... seven... Vikings... three...
<b>          
</b>          Ted drags him onto the floor and takes his seat.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY (V.O.)
                   Come in, Mayflower!  Over!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, I was wrong about you.
<b>          
</b>          They reach out and hold hands.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY (V.O.)
                   Come in!  Over!  Come in!  Over!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   We all make mistakes, Elaine.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY (V.O.)
                   Come in Mayflower!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   How could I ever have doubted you?
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY (V.O.)
                   This is mission control!  Over!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   That's all behind us now, Elaine.  And no
                   matter what happens, I want you to know
                   I've always loved you.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY (V.O.)
                   Jesus, would someone answer me!!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   I love you, Ted.
<b>          
</b>          They smile at each other.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY (V.O.)
                   What the hell's going on up there?!
<b>          
</b>          Ted and Elaine still smile at each other.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          All passengers look forward and smile.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>          All Controller's look down the line and smile.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. TOWN SQUARE - RIO MONTENEGRO
</b><b>          
</b>          Six soldiers on firing squad duty, ready to fire, turn,
          smile, and FIRE while they're smiling.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  SHOTS, SCREAMS
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted grabs the radio.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (smiling lovingly)
                   Ted, this reminds me of twenty years ago
                   over Chicago.
<b>          
</b>          Ted hits a switch.  The ship does a barrel roll.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          All we see are feet sticking up from the seats.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (on radio)
                   This is Mayflower One calling mission
                   control.  Do you read me?  Over.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   A man.  Now that's more like it.
                        (continuing on radio)
                   This is mission control.  Identify
                   yourself and give me your position.  Over.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (on radio)
                   The name's Ted Striker and I'm sitting
                   down and facing the front.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                        (trying to place the name)
                   Striker... Striker... Striker...
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 3
</b>                   If you say so.
<b>          
</b>          He slugs the female worker next to him.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                        (remembering)
                   Ted Striker!
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  RADIO STATIC.
</b><b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Damn!  We've lost them again.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1
</b>                   Could be those sunspots.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOBS
</b>                   Could be your dishwashing detergent.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Striker's the guy who flew that 736 into
                   Chicago over 20 years ago without a crew.
                   Would someone tell me what in sam hill
                   he's doing up there?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOBS
</b>                        (waving his hand in the air)
                   Me!  Me!  Me!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON MISSION CONTROL DOORS
</b><b>          
</b>          They are swinging aluminum doors similar to restaurant
          kitchens and hospital operating rooms.  Kruger and the
          Commissioner enter through one door.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   The boys downtown are taking the heat from
                   the boys in Washington and the boys...
<b>          
</b>          They PASS OUT OF FRAME.  A waiter with tray passes them and
          leaves through the swing doors.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  CRASHING DISHES
</b><b>          
</b>          Two surgeons in operating gowns and masks enter covered in
          food.
<b>          
</b>          We PICK UP Kruger and the Commissioner still walking and
          talking.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   Bud, the President wants an explanation.
<b>          
</b>          They approach McCrosky.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Sorry to pull you out of bed at this hour,
                   gentlemen.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   Forget it.  I was reading.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   I was reading too.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   What's the story?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   Some southern plantation owner falls in
                   love with this poor...
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   I was asking McCrosky, Commissioner.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   He falls in love with this poor school
                   teacher who...
<b>          
</b>          A CONTROLLER interrupts them.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER
</b>                        (to McCrosky)
                   Sir, we've restored radio transmission.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Good.
                        (to Kruger)
                   We keep losing their radio.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   Give it to me straight, McCrosky -- what's
                   it look like.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   It's green with numbers and lots of knobs.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   Not the radio, the situation.  I want to
                   know exactly what your people think.
<b>          
</b>          PAN three Controllers at monitors.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 1 (V.O.)
</b>                        (thinking)
                   They're screwed.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 2 (V.O.)
</b>                        (thinking)
                   They're dead.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 3 (V.O.)
</b>                        (thinking)
                   Did I leave the iron on?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          The ship lurches from side to side.
<b>          
</b>          Stella, covered in blood, kneels beside BILLY, a young man
          bandaged head to toe, lying on a stretcher with lots of I.V.
          bottles hanging around him.  A U.S. ARMY GENERAL stands next
          to him -- imagine General Patton.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   General Walker is here, Billy.  He wants
                   to talk to you.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  GENERAL WALKER
</b>                   Billy, if we get through this thing alive,
                   I'd like you to get this letter to my
                   mother.
<b>          
</b>          He hands Billy a letter.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine is monitoring various dials.  Ted is at controls and
          on the radio.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (on radio)
                   An electrical fire in the core has played
                   havoc with the ROK-4000 computer.  It's
                   locked us on a direct line with the sun
                   and there's no way we can go to manual.
                   Captain Oveur already tried it and he's...
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OVEUR (O.S.)
</b>                        (from floor)
                   Giants sixty... Rams... zip...
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   ... become an intolerable bore.  The rest
                   of the crew has been lost ­and we're out of
                   coffee.  Also, we're starting to feel the
                   sun's heat pretty bad.
<b>          
</b>          Striker wipes his forehead.  Elaine holds a tan reflector up
          to her face and turns to the sun.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Passengers sweat profusely.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  JUNGLE SOUNDS.
</b><b>          
</b>          A MAN slaps a mosquito on the back of his neck.
<b>          
</b>          FOUR MEN sit nude to the waist, wrapped in towels as if in a
          steam bath.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MAN ONE
</b>                   It's eight-thousand square feet with great
                   parking and a twenty-year lease with
                   option to buy.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MAN TWO
</b>                   You can't lose, Al.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MAN THREE
</b>                   He can lose.  I've seen it happen a
                   thousand times.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP - SPACE
</b><b>          
</b>          It shoots towards sun.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>          McCrosky sits at a monitor, talks into a mike and looks down
          at a book.  Behind him two Controllers make a dope deal -- a
          baggie of grass for cash.  We only see their midsections and
          hands.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Striker, this is Jack McCrosky, chief
                   controller.  I want you to listen to me and
                   listen good.
<b>          
</b>          The buyer checks out the baggie -- it's mostly twigs.  The
          seller is trying to explain the situation with his hands.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Twenty years ago I helped a young pilot
                   through a storm over Chicago.
<b>          
</b>          The buyer grabs the seller's shirt and tries to get cash
          back.  A fight ensues.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   He didn't have a crew either.  He said he
                   couldn't do it.  But when the going got
                   tough that kid pulled it together.
<b>          
</b>          The seller's shirt is ripped.  Knives are pulled.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   You might have read about him; he made all
                   the big papers and the Canadian Jewish
                   News.
<b>          
</b>          The seller is stabbed.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   I don't know where he is today but if he
                   was up there right now, I know he'd find
                   some way to turn that bucket around and
                   get the hell out of there, pronto!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON JACOBS
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOBS
</b>                   I wish I could talk like that -- so macho
                   yet so sensitive.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b>          ANGLE ON McCROSKY'S BOOK - "PEP TALKS FOR ALL OCCASIONS"
<b>          
</b>          McCrosky slams it shut.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   I just hope I said the right thing.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   I'm afraid you gave the wrong speech.
                   McCrosky.  I'm not your problem.  It's
                   this ship.  That computer's gone bananas.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                        (holding up the book)
                   Why the hell are we still using the old
                   manual!  Burn this book!
<b>          
</b>          A smiling blonde man in a white sweater with "MORAL
          MAJORITY" on the front walks by and takes the book.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                        (on radio)
                   Just hold on, Striker, we'll get back to
                   you.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted writes a note to Elaine and hands it to her -- it reads,
          "WE MUST FIND SOME WAY TO BLOW THAT COMPUTER!"  Elaine looks
          a bit nervous and licks her lip.  They look up at ROK's
          pulsating eye.
<b>          
</b>          Testa pokes her head in.  She's soaked with sweat.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TESTA
</b>                   The cabin temperature is rising.  The
                   passengers want to know what's happening
                   up here.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Let us handle this end of things.  Now
                   what's the coffee situation?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TESTA
</b>                   It just won't drip!  I've tried
                   everything.  And the passengers are
                   dropping like flies from the heat.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  FLIES BUZZING
</b><b>          
</b>          Passengers reel and drop to floor.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Elaine, I'm going back there.  Just hold
                   onto that stick and try to control this
                   hunk of tin as best you can.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, please be careful.
<b>          
</b>          Ted leaves.  We hear an enormous CRASH on the other side of
          the door.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>          JOE DIMAGGIO (MR. COFFEE), drinking a cup of coffee, rushes
          in accompanied by a GROUND CONTROL OFFICER.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OFFICER
</b>                        (to Joe)
                   It doesn't look good.  The drip seems to
                   be jammed up pretty bad.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MR. COFFEE
</b>                   Did they change the filter and wait for
                   the brew sign to light up?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OFFICER
</b>                        (stopping and looking Mr.
                         Coffee in the eye)
                   To tell you the truth, sir, I don't really
                   know.
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  DRAMATIC STING.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON SIX CONTROLLERS
</b><b>          
</b>          One holds a hat, one pulls a slip of paper from it.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 3
</b>                        (reading his slip)
                   Eighty-three.  What's that mean?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER WITH HAT
</b>                   If eighty-three passengers die, you win
                   the two hundred bucks.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON MR. COFFEE AND OFFICER
</b><b>          
</b>          They approach McCrosky.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OFFICER
</b>                   Mr. McCrosky, Mr. Coffee.  Coffee,
                   McCrosky.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Thanks for coming down so soon.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MR. COFFEE
</b>                        (checking watch)
                   I won't come down for another couple
                   hours.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   I'll put you on the radio with Striker.
                   Jeez you look familiar.  Did you ever play
                   water polo?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MR. COFFEE
</b>                   Not to my knowledge.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   I thought so.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP - SPACE
</b><b>          
</b>          It roars towards the sun.  The nose of the ship begins to
          glow red.
<b>          
</b><b>          NEWSPAPER HEADLINES SPIN:
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                 NEW YORK TIMES
</b><b>                      "MERCURY SHUTTLE HEADS FOR DISASTER"
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  LONDON TIMES
</b><b>                           "DEEP SPACE DEATH CERTAIN"
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                 JERUSALEM POST
</b><b>                 "THEY SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE IN THE FIRST PLACE"
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BUFFALO LOCAL NEWS SET
</b><b>          
</b><b>          FILM INSET:  APARTMENT FIRE
</b><b>          
</b>          Set logo reads, "NEWS 4 BUFFALO."
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ANCHOR 1
</b>                   Four alarm fire rages through downtown
                   Buffalo!
<b>          
</b><b>          FILM INSET:  ROCKET GOING OFF COURSE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ANCHOR 2
</b>                   Mercury shuttle heads for sun.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          TOKYO LOCAL NEWS SET
</b><b>          
</b><b>          FILM INSET:  APARTMENT FIRE
</b><b>          
</b>          Set logo reads, "NEWS 4 TOKYO"
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ANCHOR 1
</b>                        (subtitles)
                   Four alarm fire guts Tokyo apartment.
<b>          
</b><b>          FILM INSET:  SHUTTLE MODEL IN MOUTH OF GODZILLA.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  SCREAMS.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ANCHOR 2
</b>                        (subtitles)
                   Mercury mission in death struggle.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          MOSCOW LOCAL NEWS SET
</b><b>          
</b><b>          FILM INSET:  APARTMENT FIRE
</b><b>          
</b>          Set logo reads, "NEWS 3 MOSCOW."  A gun is held to
          ANCHORMAN'S head.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ANCHOR 1
</b>                        (subtitles)
                   Four alarm fire in downtown Moscow clears
                   way for glorious new tractor factory.
<b>          
</b><b>          FILM INSET:  ROCKET GOING OFF COURSE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ANCHOR 2
</b>                        (subtitles)
                   Capitalist, imperialist adventurism ends
                   in space disaster.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ABC "NIGHTLINE"
</b><b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  "GAY UNMARRIED VEGETARIAN MOTHERS AGAINST SPACE
</b><b>          TRAVEL"
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  WOMAN
</b>                   If this country was run by vegetarian
                   women who's old men deserted them after
                   knocking them up instead of by meat-eating
                   males, this thing never would have
                   happened.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. TERMINAL - DAY
</b><b>          
</b>          A banner hangs over terminal door:  "HOUSTON WELCOMES SPACE
<b>          DISASTER PRESS."
</b><b>          
</b>          CLOSEUP OF ATTACHE CASE being carried to the door -- sticker
          on it reads, "NATIONAL ENQUIRER."
<b>          
</b>          CLOSEUP OF ANOTHER CASE coming from other direction --
          sticker on it reads, "NATIONAL STAR."
<b>          
</b>          The cases meet.  LOOSEN to REPORTERS.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ENQUIRER
</b>                        (to STAR)
                   I never forget a face.  'Texas doctor
                   claims sex with chicken cures baldness?'
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STAR
</b>                   'Severed legs grow back after Utah man
                   finds Christ?'
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ENQUIRER/STAR
</b>                   Long time no see.
<b>          
</b>          They shake hands and turn into the terminal.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>          Controllers stand over Mr. Coffee -- everyone sips coffee
          and smokes cigarettes.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MR. COFFEE
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Have you got the back panel off the brew
                   manifold?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted has the coffee machine apart, wears a headset and holds
          wires in pliars.  Anxious passengers with coffee cups stand
          over him -- they are all totally wired and going cold
          turkey.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (into headset)
                   Check.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MR. COFFEE (V.O.)
</b>                   There's a terminal at the base of the
                   coil.  That's your contact point.
<b>          
</b>          A PASSENGER bends down and picks a coffee bean off the
          floor.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PASSENGER
</b>                   Is this a coffee bean?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ALL PASSENGERS
</b>                        (maniacally)
                   He's got a bean!!
<b>          
</b>          A riot ensues.  The "bean" Passenger is beaten to death.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (into headset)
                   It looks like the solder point has melted.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  MR. COFFEE
</b>                        (enraged)
                   Just what I thought.  When the hell will
                   you people realize that adding extra water
                   after the initial brew cycle overheats the
                   system!!  Now listen to me, Striker, and
                   listen good.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP - SPACE
</b><b>          
</b>          It careens towards the sun.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>          Detective Hallick storms in and up to McCrosky.  He flashes
          his badge.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DETECTIVE HALLICK
</b>                   Who's in charge here, Mister?
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   McCrosky, Control.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DETECTIVE HALLICK
</b>                   Hallick, homicide.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOBS
</b>                   Jacobs, Pisces.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   Kruger, Sagittarius.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   Commissioner, Aquarius.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DETECTIVE HALLICK
</b>                   We have information that one of your
                   passengers is carrying a bomb and might be
                   suicidal.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Where'd you get this information, Captain?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DETECTIVE HALLICK
</b>                   We have our methods.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   And what methods are those?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DETECTIVE HALLICK
</b>                   Have you heard of the Heimlich method?
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   The method of saving someone choking on a
                   piece of gristle?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DETECTIVE HALLICK
</b>                   Exactly.
<b>          
</b>                                  KRUGER/McCROSKY/COMMISSIONER
                   We're familiar with it.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DETECTIVE HALLICK
</b>                   Good.  This is the passenger's wife.  Mrs.
                   Joe Salucci.
<b>          
</b>          She approaches very distressed looking.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   What makes you think your husband might
                   want to blow up that shuttle, ma'am?
<b>          
</b>          She goes into her purse for the insurance form.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MRS. SALUCCI
</b>                   This insurance policy.
<b>          
</b>          A large ivory colored vibrator drops out of her purse, hits
          the floor, and flips on.  They all look at it.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MRS. SALUCCI
</b>                   An electric tooth.
                        (handing McCrosky the insurance
                         form)
                   Joey was supposed to go to Des Moines for
                   an operation to cure his impotence.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   The Des Moines Institute?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MRS. SALUCCI
</b>                   Then you know it.
<b>          
</b>                                  KRUGER/McCROSKY/COMMISSIONER
                   Yes, we're familiar with it.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MRS. SALUCCI
</b>                   Well, I found out Joey got on this shuttle
                   instead and...
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DETECTIVE HALLICK
</b>                   The way I read it, blowin' up a plane in
                   space leaves no traces, if you know what I
                   mean.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   I'm not exactly sure what you mean,
                   Captain.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DETECTIVE HALLICK
</b>                   No blood.  No body.  No bones.  No eyes.
                   No ears.  No throats.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                        (looking at form)
                   This is $500,000 worth of insurance!
<b>          
</b>          Kruger, Commissioner, and Hallick all whistle "wow!"
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Just a second.  This is insurance on his
                   car!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MRS. SALUCCI
</b>                   That's what worries me.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                   He's impotent.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   He's suicidal.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ALL
</b>                   And he's stupid!
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  DRAMATIC STING.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANOTHER AREA
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  MR. COFFEE
</b>                        (into radio)
                   This is it, Striker.  You got one shot and
                   one shot only.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Striker stands over the coffee machine, sweating like mad.
          The Passengers with cups hang over him. He makes contact
          with a wire.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (to self)
                   Contact.
<b>          
</b>          The MACHINE EXPLODES.  Coffee gushes out like an oil well
          coming in.  The Passengers dance under the gusher of brown
          liquid, mouths open and cheering.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   How are we going to handle this bomb nut?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 2
</b>                        (rushes up with printouts)
                   Here are the tests we ran on their
                   computer.  I had them ­xeroxed for you.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   How'd they come out?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 2
</b>                   Upside-down, but I turned each page over
                   and put them in order.  I'm afraid that
                   computer is totally capable of taking
                   control of that ship.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Let's keep cool.  There's gotta be a way
                   to control it.
<b>          
</b>          He lights a cigarette.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 3
</b>                        (rushes up with diagrams)
                   These are their position calculations.
                   They've got about ten minutes before they
                   start to burn up.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Keep calm.  A lot can happen in ten
                   minutes.
                        (to self)
                   What next?
<b>          
</b>          He sips his coffee.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 4
</b>                        (rushes in)
                   Sir, your headlights are on and your doors
                   are locked!
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                        (spitting out coffee, Danny
                         Thomas style)
                   Jesus!!  I'll be right back!
<b>          
</b>          McCrosky races out.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP - SPACE
</b><b>          
</b>          It heads closer to the sun.  The nose is glowing.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine is checking computer.  The cockpit is steaming now.
          She unbuttons her uniform just as Ted comes in.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, we've only got ten minutes.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (thinking she wants sex)
                   Not now, Elaine.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   I mean until we start to burn up.
<b>          
</b>          Ted takes his seat and looks at a panel gauge.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   We're closer to the sun than I estimated.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - GAUGES
</b><b>          
</b>          One is labeled "EXACT DISTANCE" and reads, "76.50".  The
          other is labeled "ESTIMATED DISTANCE" and reads,
<b>          "5689465932.09".
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER (V.O.)
</b>                   Come in, Mayflower.  This is Bud Kruger.
                   Over.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (on radio)
                   This is Striker.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Look, Striker, I don't know how you got
                   into that driver's seat but I want Simon
                   Kurtz on that radio and I want him now!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Kurtz was the one who got us into this
                   mess in the first place.  You people knew
                   this ship wasn't ready to fly.  You played
                   God with over a hundred lives, Kruger, and
                   for what -- the prestige of your precious
                   space program.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   That was very well put, Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>          Jacobs stands next to Kruger rubbing his forefingers
          together in the "shame, shame" sign.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Striker, you're heading right for the sun,
                   so don't you think it's a little late for
                   that bleeding heart liberal crap now?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   He's got a point, Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CONTROL ROOM - ANGLE ON JACOBS AT A SCOREBOARD
</b><b>          
</b>          There are columns under Kruger's and Striker's names.
          Striker has two check marks.  Jacobs gives Kruger one.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Call me a bleeding heart, but if we get
                   through this thing I'm preparing a paper
                   on alternative spending directives
                   recommending the transfer of space program
                   funds to low cost housing.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRUGER
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Just put Kurtz on that radio!!
<b>          
</b>          McCrosky rushes in and grabs the mike from Kruger.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                        (enraged)
                   Look, Kruger, you and your people have
                   caused enough trouble already.  I don't
                   care about your political games, I care
                   about only one thing, the lives of those
                   people up there!!!  Out of my control
                   room!!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOBS
</b>                   Someone's car wouldn't start.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                        (on mike)
                   Striker, this is McCrosky.  Give me five
                   minutes and keep your fingers crossed.
                        (to Stinson)
                   Stinson, get me the Mayflower plans!
                        (to Controller 3)
                   You, clear this table!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOBS
</b>                   I'll get the cards and bridge mix.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   And someone get me the Sarg!
<b>          
</b><b>                                                         CUT TO:
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          CLOSEUP OF SARG
</b><b>          
</b>          leaning over the ship's plans.  He is eating another cigar.
          All Controllers stand around him.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SARG
</b>                   That's my little girl, my little darlin',
                   my sweetheart, my honey, and you want to
                   blow her belly out with that bomb.  If you
                   blast here in the computer core and the
                   fuselage doesn't give way here and the
                   main communication lines to the cockpit
                   hold here and this baby here doesn't jam
                   this little old unit up here and throw
                   about two tons of hot steel through here
                   like a hot knife through butter and the
                   upper and lower...
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   What's your point, Sarg?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SARG
</b>                   I have no point.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Then it's settled.  The bomb is Striker's
                   only chance.  Are there any questions?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLERS
</b>                   No sir.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Those are answers, I asked for questions.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 3
</b>                   Should a man in his forties have a
                   circumcision?
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Absolutely.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Well, Elaine, this might be it if those
                   guys on the ground don't think of
                   something.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   I just want you to know, I love you Ted
                   and always will.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  RADIO BEEPS
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   That might be the news we've been waiting
                   for.
<b>          
</b>          He grabs radio.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY (V.O.)
                   I've got some news for you, Striker.
<b>          
</b>          Ted and Elaine smile hopefully at each other.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Roger.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY (V.O.)
                   One of your passengers is carrying a bomb
                   and is suicidal.
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  DRAMATIC STING
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   A b...
<b>          
</b>          She covers her mouth.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY (V.O.)
                   No, a bomb.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Joe Salucci wipes his brow, lays his case on his lap.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON FRONT OF CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted and Mary huddle.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Which passenger is Joe Salucci?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   Sixteen 'C', why?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   He's carrying a bomb.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   A b...
<b>          
</b>          She covers her mouth.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   No, a bomb.  Now, as discreetly as
                   possible, I want you to move the
                   passengers into the lounge.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   What should I say?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Anything.  Just don't let Salucci think
                   we're onto him.
<b>          
</b>          Ted moves down the aisle.  Mary gets on the P.A.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   Would everyone not carrying a bomb please
                   move to the lounge.
<b>          
</b>          The Passengers go nuts screaming, "A bomb!!"
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOE
</b>                        (jumping up with his case)
                   Don't anyone move!
<b>          
</b>          All the passengers pile up in a ceiling-to-floor wall behind
          Ted -- he extends his arms, holding them back.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Mr. Salucci, listen to me.
<b>          
</b>          Ted takes a step forward away from the wall of passengers --
          the wall crumbles.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Joe, you don't want to blow that thing and
                   kill all these innocent people.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOE
</b>                   I don't want to live anymore.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Joe, the insurance policy won't help your
                   wife and kids.  You bought auto insurance,
                   not life insurance.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOE
</b>                   What?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (inching up on him)
                   That's right, Joe.  Now, no one's going to
                   hurt you and no one has to know what's
                   wrong with you.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JOE
</b>                   You're sure?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   I'm sure.
<b>          
</b>          Ted is almost up to Joe when:
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                        (yells)
                   That's the guy from the terminal who can't
                   get it up!!
<b>          
</b>          Joe bolts.  Passengers panic.  Ted tackles him.  The case
          flies into the air in SLOW MOTION.  It turns slowly, hanging
          for the longest time as we CUT, still in SLOW MOTION, to
          horrified faces watching it.  This SLOW MOTION sequence
          lasts for about 60 seconds -- people put on make-up, do
          macrame, read, etc. -- while the case is still in the air.
          Suddenly, Scraps leaps high into the air in SLOW MOTION and
          comes down with the case between his teeth.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>          Controllers huddle over one monitor.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Get that bomb, Striker!  Get that bomb!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE (V.O.)
</b>                   Come in, Control!  We have the bomb!!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ALL CONTROLLERS
</b>                   He's got the bomb!!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOB
</b>                   This is just like an election in Iran.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted is back at the controls -- the cockpit is incredibly hot
          now.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   This heat's getting unbearable.
<b>          
</b>          He looks down and sees two eggs frying on the dash.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   But it is a dry heat, Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>          Controllers are grouped around the plans.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Do we use the bomb to blow that computer
                   or is there another way?  I want to know
                   what everyone thinks.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 2 (V.O.)
</b>                   I think...
                        (changes mind)
                   ... No.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 3 (V.O.)
</b>                   We could knock out the wall between the
                   cockpit and cabin, and hang plants.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 2 (V.O.)
</b>                   I think...
                        (changes mind)
                   ... No.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 4 (V.O.)
</b>                   You can't knock that wall out.  That's a
                   support wall, asshole.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 2 (V.O.)
</b>                   I think...
                        (changes mind)
                   No.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 5 (V.O.)
</b>                   Did I flush?
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Then it's settled.  We use the bomb.
                        (grabs radio)
                   Striker, McCrosky.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY (V.O.)
                   We've gone over the blueprints and you've
                   got only one option.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (on radio)
                   I know what you're going to say, McCrosky
                   -- knock out the wall between the cockpit
                   and cabin and hang plants.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY (V.O.)
                   Forget it.  That's a support wall.  Use
                   the bomb.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   The b...
<b>          
</b>          She covers her mouth.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY (V.O.)
                   I keep telling you, not the b...  The
                   bomb!!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (almost to self)
                   Why, you'd have to be crazy to try a stunt
                   like that.
<b>          
</b>          Elaine looks at Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          All passengers look forward in Ted's direction.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          SUPER the womb over Ted's face.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  DOCTOR'S VOICE
</b>                   You're too low in the womb, Striker!
                   You've got to come out feet first!
<b>          
</b><b>          LOSE SUPER.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (grabs case)
                   Elaine.  I'm going back there.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted... I love you.  Be careful.
<b>          
</b>          Ted leaves.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  CRASHING MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                        (to his controllers)
                   I want everyone on their toes for this
                   one.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON JACOBS
</b><b>          
</b>          Handing out ballet slippers to the Controllers who are
          passing a joint down the line.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   And if anyone has any ideas, I want to
                   hear them now.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOBS
</b>                   How about a show just like Hollywood
                   Squares but with kids.  Gary Coleman could
                   host.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          The Passengers stand in the aisle listening to Mary.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   Now I want everyone to move to the front
                   of the cabin.
<b>          
</b>          Passengers move calmly.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   That's fine.  Stay calm.  We just want
                   everyone as far away from the blast as
                   possible.
<b>          
</b>          The Passengers panic and stampede right over her.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COMPUTER CORE
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted wears a gas mask and attaches the time-bomb to the
          computer.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ROK
</b>                   What are you doing, Ted?  Why are you
                   wearing that mask, Ted?
<b>          
</b>          Gas spews out of a vent.  Ted makes sure his gas mask is
          tight.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Simon is dressed in space suit and moving down the aisle.
          Elaine holds onto him.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Simon!  Wait!  What are you doing?!
<b>          
</b>          They pass Father O'Flanagan.  He has a Bongo drum at his
          seat.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  O'FLANAGAN
</b>                   Under the 'B', sixteen!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   I've lost the ship and now I've lost you,
                   Elaine.  I'm getting out.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Simon, I didn't want it to end like this.
                   We can be friends!  You'll die out there.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   Maybe.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Simon, what are you saying?!
<b>          
</b>          Simon steps into a hatch labeld, "ESCAPE CAPSULE".
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SIMON
</b>                   I'm saying, I can't take the singles scene
                   again, Elaine.
<b>          
</b>          The hatch door slams shut.  A passenger passes with a
          sandwich board that reads, "JESUS WAS A SINGLE."
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Simon, no!
<b>          
</b>          Jimmy appears and yells through the window on the hatch.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                   You want to talk about it now, Commander?
<b>          
</b>          The capsule ejects.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. KRUGER'S OFFICE
</b><b>          
</b>          The Commissioner stands in front of the painting of
          astronauts on black velvet.  He is on the phone.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   Give me the President of the United
                   States.  Tell him it's the Commissioner.
                        (to Kruger)
                   I don't know how the old man's going to
                   take this.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. OVAL OFFICE
</b><b>          
</b>          The PRESIDENT poses for a photo session:  CLOSEUP of
          President holding aloft in a victory salute, the hands of
          two black men.  On the camera flash we LOOSEN to reveal the
          bodiless arms of two black mannequins.  An AID hands the
          phone to the President.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  AID
</b>                   Houston, sir.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PRESIDENT
</b>                        (taking phone)
                   This is the President... What?!... What?!
<b>          
</b>          He walks past a wall of photos of past presidents:  JFK,
          Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Reagan older, Reagan
          much older, Merv Griffin, a chimp, and this President.
<b>          
</b><b>          SPLIT SCREEN:  PRESIDENT AND COMMISSIONER
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   I don't think that shuttle's going to make
                   it, sir.
<b>          
</b>          The President passes an Arab piling millions in cash onto
          his desk.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PRESIDENT
</b>                   Damnit, Mister, the dignity and integrity
                   of this presidency depends on the success
                   of that mission.  And that's my last word!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  COMMISSIONER
</b>                   Yes, sir.
<b>          
</b>          They both hang up and, making sure no one is watching, pick
          their noses.
<b>          
</b><b>          WIPE TO FULL SCREEN OF OVAL OFFICE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  AID
</b>                   What's our strategy on this one, sir?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  PRESIDENT
</b>                   I work for the people of these United
                   States, Frank.  I have to do what's best
                   for them.
                        (grabs the red phone)
                   Al, kill social security, cancel school
                   lunches only for the poor, dismantle
                   welfare, close all hospitals and public
                   toilets, green light the MX-6, invade
                   Brazil, and bring my horse around after my
                   nap!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted is at the controls.  Elaine rushes in.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Simon just ejected!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Sit down, Elaine.  If this bomb trick
                   works we just might make it.  Simon was a
                   fool to eject now.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   You mean...
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   That's right -- premature ejection.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   What will happen to him, Ted?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   The sun will heat that thing to over 450
                   degrees within seconds.  He'll roast like
                   a pig on a spit.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. ESCAPE CAPSULE - SPACE
</b><b>          
</b>          We see a roast on a spit through the window.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COMPUTER CORE
</b><b>          
</b>          The clock on the time bomb TICKS down.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (looking at wristwatch)
                   Are you afraid?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Not when I'm with you, Ted.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   I guess you'd have to be a fool not to be
                   afraid at a time like this.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Mrs. Gooch sucks on her cushion -- she's totally zonked on
          acid.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MAN NEXT TO HER
</b>                   Are you afraid?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MRS. GOOCH
</b>                        (looking at her hands)
                   Are these my hands?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  FATHER O'FLANAGAN
</b>                        (to Stella)
                   Are you afraid?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STELLA
</b>                   I'm a nurse.  I can't afford to be afraid,
                   Father.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANOTHER AREA
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  JIMMY
</b>                        (to Scraps)
                   Are you afraid, Scraps?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  SCRAPS
</b>                        (he BARKS once, subtitle
                         translate)
                   Now when there's a guy like Ted Striker up
                   there, Jimmy.
                        (he BARKS one more time --
                         subtitles)
                   Now how about a little scratch on the
                   inner thigh?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Testa stands over Ted with a clipboard.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TESTA
</b>                   Fifty-six percent of the passengers are
                   afraid.  Twenty-nine percent are not
                   afraid.  Eight percent are undecided and
                   seven percent think Israel should give
                   back Finland.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   You better strap yourself in, Testa.
                        (on radio)
                   Mission control, this is Mayflower.  Over.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY (V.O.)
                   Go ahead, Striker.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (on radio)
                   We've got about 60 seconds before that
                   thing blows.  We're set to reprogram for
                   Mercury at zero point five WORP.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>                                  McCROKSY
                        (on radio)
                   Zero point five WORP?!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STRIKER (V.O.)
</b>                   That's right.  When the bomb explodes
                   we're going to have a ten foot hole in the
                   fuselage and I want to get there as fast
                   as I can.  I know what this snip can do,
                   McCrosky.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROKSY
                        (to Controllers)
                   No one's ever travelled at that speed
                   before.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  JACOBS
</b>                   Last spring we did Europe in nine days.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP - SPACE
</b><b>          
</b>          It careens towards the sun.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COMPUTER CORE
</b><b>          
</b>          Bomb clock TICKS down.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Mary instructs Passengers.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                   Heads between the knees!
                        (looking down aisle)
                   Between your own knees, Father!
<b>          
</b>          O'Flanagan looks around guiltily.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>          McCrosky addresses his troops.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   I don't find it easy to talk at a time
                   like this, but I want to say something
                   about that guy up there.  I can sum it all
                   up in one word -- courage, dedication,
                   spirit, pride, selflessness, and g-u-t-s,
                   guts.  Striker's got more guts in his
                   little finger than most of us have in our
                   large intestine.  He's got guts up to his
                   eyeballs, guts coming out of his ears.
<b>          
</b>          Controllers start playing cards, doing needlepoint.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Sure it's a cliche but great shortstops
                   are born, not made, and a clown is funny
                   in the circus but when he gets on the
                   highway, he's murder.  It bugged me too
                   when Mr. Ed refused to talk when the
                   neighbors came over but...
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COMPUTER CORE
</b><b>          
</b>          The bomb TICKS down and BLOWS.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          The ship shakes violently.  Ted fights for control.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - SPEEDOMETER SLOWS
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  ENGINE WHINE SUBSIDES.
</b><b>          
</b>          The ship starts bumping as if it's hit a rough road.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (on radio)
                   We've blown the computer!
                        (to Elaine)
                   Elaine!  Set course change!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (flips a switch)
                   Set!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Now!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                        (pushes a button)
                   Compute!
<b>          
</b>          "Compute" sign flashes.
<b>          
</b>          Ted pulls an acceleration lever.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Here goes.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP - SPACE
</b><b>          
</b>          It slows to a halt.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted pulls the lever hard toward himself.  The ship shudders.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP - SPACE
</b><b>          
</b>          The ship slingshots in the opposite direction, disappearing
          into the void leaving a trail of light.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - PANEL LIGHT, "0.5 WORP"
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Point five WORP!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>          PAN Controllers looking intently into the night sky.  PAN to
          Mrs. Salucci intently gripping her vibrator -- it's on.  PAN
          to Jacobs reading VARIETY -- headline: "PARAMOUNT ANNOUNCES
<b>          SHUTTLE DISASTER PIC!"
</b><b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Zero point five WORP, that's half the
                   speed of light.  We really have no idea
                   what can happen to the human body at that
                   speed.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Two Passengers (contortionists) with legs up over their
          shoulders and looking out over their rear ends, play cards.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          The interior vibrates.  A psychedelic blaze of multi-colored
          light illuminates the interior.  Ted struggles with the
          controls.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY (V.O.)
                   Striker, we're monitoring you.  You're
                   right on course.  At that speed you should
                   hit Mercury in about six minutes.  So give
                   yourself enough time to kill those WORP
                   engines.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                        (on radio)
                   We'll be out of radio range in a few
                   seconds.  I'm going to put you in contact
                   with Mercury Base Alpha Beta for your
                   final descent.  Over.
                        (off mike)
                   Stinson, who's in command of Alpha Beta?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  STINSON
</b>                   Al Hammil?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 3
</b>                   Not anymore.  It's Rex Kramer, now.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   Not Rex Kramer!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CONTROLLER 3
</b>                   No, Rex Kramer.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. MERCURY - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          We see the Alpha Beta base in distance with an ALPHA BETA
          neon sign flashing.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  WAILING SUBMARINE SIREN.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  MERCURY BASE, ALPHA BETA
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. ALPHA BETA BASE - CORRIDOR
</b><b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  WAILING SUBMARINE SIREN.
</b><b>          
</b>          Four uniformed officers race to their posts around a corner
          and collide with four others racing around the corner from
          the other direction.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. ELEVATOR - ALPHA BETA BASE
</b><b>          
</b>          REX KRAMER watches the floors flash by on the panel above
          the door.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - FLOOR LIGHT, "LEVEL 1 - POWER STATION"
</b><b>          
</b>          O.S. we hear a DOG GROWLING and fighting with something.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          CLOSEUP OF KRAMER
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                   I know this guy, Ted Striker.  I flew with
                   him during the war.  He was a crack pilot
                   but he didn't have it in the crunch...
                   That is...
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - FLOOR LIGHT, "LEVEL 3 - LIVING QUARTERS"
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                   Until that day over Chicago.  He brought
                   that busted up 767 out of that storm like
                   a paper glider coming outta the baby blue.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - FLOOR LIGHT, "LEVEL 5 - WOMEN'S SHOES, BEDDING,
</b><b>          APPLIANCES".  "LEVEL 6 - DESIGNER JEANS".
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                   But flying that shuttle is a whole
                   different ballgame.
<b>          
</b>          The elevator doors open.  Kramer steps out into the
          communications room.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  SUBMARINE SIREN WAILS.
</b><b>          
</b>          PAN down to floor of elevator to find a young officer --
          Carey -- torn to shreds and fighting off Kramer's golden
          retriever dog.  The doors close.  Kramer approaches an
<b>          OFFICER.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                   What's the latest, Lieutenant?
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OFFICER
</b>                   They'll hit our atmosphere in about three
                   minutes, if they hold together.  They've
                   lost their computer and are coming in at
                   zero point five WORP on manual control,
                   sir.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted shifts a stick shift on the steering column.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. ALPHA BETA COMMUNICATIONS ROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          Kramer looks at the big screen.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  SUBMARINE SIREN WAILS.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                   Down scope!
<b>          
</b>          A submarine periscope drops.  Kramer looks for the shuttle.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                   He'll never bring that thing in on manual,
                   but I guess Striker's their only hope.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - PERISCOPE SHOT OF WWII SHIPS
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                   It's his ship now.  He's the top dog.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - PERISCOPE SHOT OF SHORE LINE FROM WWII FILM
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                   The big man.  The numero uno honcho.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - PERISCOPE SHOT OF DESERT
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                   The head cheese.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - PERISCOPE SHOT OF THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW -- ED WAVES
</b><b>          GOODNIGHT.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b>          Kramer steps away from the scope.  It drops down.  A man in
          a barber chair is on the other end of the steel column and
          comes to rest on the floor.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  OFFICER 2
</b>                   Sir, we have radio contact.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Testa talks to the passengers.  Psychedelic lights flash.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TESTA
</b>                        (yelling)
                   We're travelling at one half the speed of
                   light.  There is nothing to worry about.
                   However, you might experience some
                   temporary metabolic changes.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON WOMAN
</b><b>          
</b>          Her beard grows.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - CLOSEUP OF SANITARY NAPKIN DISPENSER
</b><b>          
</b>          A flurry of hands empties it in two seconds.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON TEXAN
</b><b>          
</b>          He has turned into a Hassidic Rabbi.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted is fighting to maintain control.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER (V.O.)
</b>                   Striker, this is Rex Kramer on Alpha Beta.
                   Do you read me?  Over.
<b>          
</b>          Ted and Elaine give startled looks of recognition.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER (V.O.)
</b>                   That's right, Ted.  Rex Kramer.  We've
                   locked you on track beam.  You're going to
                   have to kill those WORP engines in exactly
                   thirty seconds.  Over.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. MISSION CONTROL
</b><b>          
</b>          Everyone tensely looks out the window into the night sky.
<b>          
</b>                                  McCROSKY
                   There's nothing else we can do for those
                   people out there now, except pray.
<b>          
</b>          The entire room explodes in an up-beat Southern Baptists'
          rendition of "HE'S GOT THE WHOLE WORLD IN HIS HANDS".
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER (V.O.)
</b>                   Now, Striker!  Kill WORP!
<b>          
</b>          Ted pushes his WORP lever forward but it comes off in his
          hand.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, the lever!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Kramer, the WORP control handle just came
                   off in my hand.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER (V.O.)
</b>                   Try another handle!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   There are no more handles, only switches.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER (V.O.)
</b>                   No buttons?!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (looking around madly)
                   Just switches, lights, and knobs.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. ALPHA BETA COMMUNICATIONS ROOM
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                        (looking at buttons and levers
                         on his panel)
                   I'd give my right arm to get just one of
                   these buttons or levers up there right
                   now.
                        (on radio)
                   Okay, Striker.  You're going to have to
                   pull that lever panel off.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                        (to Elaine)
                   Screw driver!
<b>          
</b>          She hands him a vodka and orange juice.  Ted throws it on
          his face.  He reaches down and rips the panel off, exposing
          all sorts of wires.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER (V.O.)
</b>                   Now find a piece of metal and stick it in
                   there.
<b>          
</b>          Ted looks around for a piece of metal.  Elaine pulls a bobby
          pin from her hair.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Will this work, Ted?
<b>          
</b>          Her long brown hair falls sexily.  She sweeps it back with a
          toss of her head.  Ted is overwhelmed by her.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   Thanks.
                        (on radio)
                   I've got something that might work.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. ALPHA BETA COMMUNCATIONS ROOM
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED (V.O.)
</b>                   A bobby pin.
<b>          
</b>          Kramer and Aids exchange a look which questions Ted's
          sexuality.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                   What the hell is a man doing with a...
                   forget it.
                        (on radio)
                   It'll have to do, Striker.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted sticks the bobby pin into the wires.  Sparks fly.  The
          ship starts slowing up.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  THE ENGINE WHINE SUBSIDES.
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INSERT - SPEEDOMETER WINDING DOWN
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          BACK TO SCENE
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   It's working.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COMMUNICATIONS ROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          Kramer stands in front of the huge screen.  A small ship
          appears in the distance coming right at us.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Okay, Striker.  We have you on visual.
                   Just keep her level.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP - SPACE
</b><b>          
</b>          It careens towards the planet surface.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          It starts bouncing wildly.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   She's coming apart!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Passengers scream.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. NEWS SET - BUFFALO
</b><b>          
</b>          The anchorman screams.
<b>          
</b><b>          SUPER:  "EDITORIAL".
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. NEWS SET - TOKYO
</b><b>          
</b>          The anchorman screams.
<b>          
</b>          SUPER:  "EDITORIAL".  (In Russian looking print.)
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. HOTEL LOBBY - RIO MONTENEGRO
</b><b>          
</b>          The desk clerk screams.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER (V.O.)
</b>                   Keep her nose up!  Don't fight her!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  TED
</b>                   I'm trying but she's fighting me!
<b>          
</b>          A boxing glove springs from the dash punching Ted in the
          face.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, that's Alpha Beta!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE OUT SHIP WINDOW - NIGHT
</b><b>          
</b>          We see the lights of a small colony on planet surface.  The
          Alpha Beta neon sign is visible.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. ALPHA BETA COMMUNICATIONS ROOM
</b><b>          
</b>          Kramer sits in a large swivel chair -- like Captain Kirk's
          on the Enterprise bridge.  As he talks, he nonchalantly
          swivels so his back is to the huge window.  We see the
          Mayflower approaching on the screen.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Now, Striker, there are a few things you
                   have to keep in mind as you get close to
                   the planet's atmosphere.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON COMMUNCATION ROOM PERSONNEL
</b><b>          
</b>          They watch in horror as the Mayflower comes shooting at
          them.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                        (on radio)
                   First and foremost you have to make one
                   very important decision.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Elaine looks out the window -- horrified.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted!  We're not stopping!!
<b>          
</b>          Ted fights the controls.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER (V.O.)
</b>                   Is this a landing you're sure you can make
                   without endangering the lives of your
                   passengers?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. ALPHA BETA COMMUNICATIONS ROOM
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON PERSONNEL
</b><b>          
</b>          They run for cover.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          ANGLE ON THE SCREEN
</b><b>          
</b>          The Mayflower comes right at the screen and crashes through
          it.  Kramer still has his back to the screen and doesn't
          notice what has happened -- the room behind him has been
          totally demolished.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Now, once you've made that decision you
                   have to be very clear about your
                   responsibility to those people on that
                   ship.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          The front window is broken.  Ted and Elaine are covered in
          debris.  Elaine's eyes grow wide with terror again.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. PLANET SURFACE
</b><b>          
</b>          A group of scientists stand at a keyboard synthesizer.  One
          plays the series of notes from CLOSE ENCOUNTERS.  Suddenly
          the Mayflower appears over a hill.  They all jump for cover
          as it crashes through the synthesizer.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. COCKPIT
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted and Elaine are covered in piano keys.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER (V.O.)
</b>                   Their lives, their futures, their goals
                   and aspirations are in your hands,
                   Striker.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. PLANET SURFACE
</b><b>          
</b>          The Mayflower bounces across the surface.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Mary maneuvers down the aisle.  Passengers are screaming and
          being tossed around.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                        (to one passenger)
                   Seat backs up.  Thank you.
<b>          
</b>          She looks up and sees feet dangling from the ceiling.  A man
          has gone right through the ceiling up to his waist.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  MARY
</b>                        (looking up)
                   Sir, you really must take your seat.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. ALPHA BETA COMMUNCATIONS ROOM
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                        (on radio)
                   We're all with you on this one, Striker.
                   Now get ready to position landing gear,
                   cut engines, and fire your retro­rockets.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. PLANET SURFACE - DAWN
</b><b>          
</b>          The Mayflower careens to a smoking, crunching, shattering
          stop.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. CABIN
</b><b>          
</b>          Mary and Testa start directing panic-striken passengers to
          the exits.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. ALPHA BETA COMMUNICATIONS ROOM
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Timing's of the essence on a lame duck
                   approach, Striker.  Don't fight her.  Hold
                   her steady.  Nose up.
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. SHIP ON A HILL - DAWN
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted and Elaine stand looking down on the wreckage.  In b.g.,
          SIRENS WAIL, emergency lights flash across Ted and Elaine.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  VOICES (O.S.)
</b>                   You'll be all right!  Everyone's going to
                   be okay!
<b>          
</b>          Ted holds Elaine.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER (V.O.)
</b>                   Don't fight her, Striker.  Hold her!  Hold
                   her!  Stay with her, Striker!
<b>          
</b>          Ted and Elaine kiss.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER (V.O.)
</b>                   Now, hit your landing gear and cut those
                   engines!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          INT. ALPHA BETA COMMUNICATIONS ROOM
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER
</b>                        (on radio)
                   Timing's everything, Striker!  Fire your
                   retro-rockets!
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          EXT. PLANET SURFACE - DAWN
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted and Elaine walk off into the distance.
<b>          
</b><b>          SFX:  SIRENS FROM CRASH AREA IN DISTANCE.
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  KRAMER (V.O.)
</b>                        (voice fading)
                   Now give her full flap and keep that nose
                   up.  Okay, now!
<b>          
</b><b>                                  ELAINE
</b>                   Ted, what's going to happen to us?
<b>          
</b>          Ted stops and looks into the distant, dark sky.  A printed
          crawl begins:
<b>          
</b><b>          MUSIC:  OPTIMISTIC THEME
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  CRAWL
</b><b>                   FAR, FAR AWAY IN THE DEEPEST REGIONS OF
</b><b>                   OUR VAST SOLAR SYSTEM, A SMALL, BRAVE
</b><b>                   GROUP OF PIONEERS EMBARK ON A BOLD NEW
</b><b>                   ADVENTURE.  THEIR MISSION:  TO OPEN UP A
</b><b>                   NEW FRONTIER.  THEIR GOAL, TO BUILD A
</b><b>                   BRAVE NEW WORLD.
</b><b>          
</b>          Ted and Elaine walk towards crawl and are approached by two
          strange CREATURES -- bald with a shock of hair sprouting
          from the top of their heads.
<b>          
</b><b>                                  CREATURE
</b>                   Hello, we'd like you to have this flower.
                   We're with the Church of Mercurial
                   Consciousness.  Would you like to make a
                   donation?
<b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b><b>                                  THE END
</b><b>          
</b><b>          
</b> </pre><br>
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	<td align=center><img src="/posters/Airplane-2-The-Sequel.jpg" border=0>
	<td><h1>Airplane 2: The Sequel</h1><br><br>
	    <b>Writers</b> : &nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="/writer.php?w=Ken Finkleman" title="Scripts by Ken Finkleman">Ken Finkleman</a><br>
    	<b>Genres</b> : &nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="/genre/Comedy" title="Comedy Scripts">Comedy</a>&nbsp;&nbsp;<a href="/genre/Sci-Fi" title="Sci-Fi Scripts">Sci-Fi</a><br><br><br>
		
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What is the name of the artificial intelligence onboard Mayflower One?
What is the name of the artificial intelligence onboard Mayflower One ?
ROK
ROK
ROK
ROK