Episode 201 : The Artist Formerly Known as Prince / transcript Bobo Turns . He Fades . He Shoots . Oh , Oh , It Was Close , But He ' s Just Above It . He ' s Got It Again , And He Shoots , And - - heh . Oh , So Close . What ' s Up ? I ' m Guest - starring On The Show Tonight . Ok , Excuse Me , Excuse Me , Excuse Me . And He Turns . He Shoot - - oh . Oh . Oh , Boy , What A Night , What A Night . Now , Uh , What Can I Do For You ? I ' m Guest - starring On The Show Tonight . Uh - huh . And Your Name , Sir ? Ah , This Is Gonna Be Fun . I ' m The Artist Formerly Known As Prince . Ooh . And I ' m The Bear Currently Known As Not Amused . Now , Uh , Your Name Again , Please . My Name Has No Sound . It ' s Unpronounceable . Look , Fella , This Kind Of Monkey Business Might Have Kept You Out Of The Draft , But You Ain ' t Gonna Fool Me . Now , How Would Your Name Appear On My List Here ? Like This . Ooh . Ok , Dr . Rorschach , I ' ll Play Along . I See My Mother And A Butterfly Doing The Mambo On An Orange . Heh Heh Heh Heh . Just Check The List , Fool . You ' re Mouthy For A Guy With No Name . Ok , Let ' s See . We Got , Uh , Railroad Crossing , That Ying - yang Sign . We Got - - Hey ! Hey , Hey , Hey , Where Are You - - Boy , The Security In This Place Stinks . It ' s Muppets Tonight , With Our Very Special Guest Star , The Artist Formerly Known As Prince . Yay ! ♪ If You ' re A Human Being ♪ ♪ Take A Break From The Race ♪ ♪ Take A Load Off Your Feet ♪ ♪ Wipe The Load Off Your Face ♪ ♪ Got A Lot To Do ♪ ♪ And We Do It For You ♪ ♪ Everybody Take Your Place ♪ ♪ Muppets Tonight ♪ ♪ You ' re Gonna See Something Better ♪ ♪ Tonight ' s The Night ♪ ♪ You ' re Gonna Live With The Memory ♪ ♪ We Got A Show For You ♪ ♪ Guaranteed Brand - new ♪ ♪ Here Come The Muppets Tonight ♪ Yeah . [ whistling ] ♪ We Got A Show For You ♪ ♪ Guaranteed Brand - new ♪ ♪ Here Come The Muppets ♪ ♪ Here Come The Muppets ♪ ♪ Here Come The Muppets Toght ♪ I Don ' t Want To Be Late For T O - ok , Everyone , Listen Up . The Artist Is On His Way Up The Elevator . Boy , This Is It , Guys . Let ' s Give Him A Big Muppets Tonight Welcome . Hey . All Right . Whoa . Hit It , Rizz . ♪ We Get Delirious ♪ ♪ Whenever You ' re Near ♪ Ooh . ♪ We Lose Our Self - control ♪ ♪ Just Can ' t Steer ♪ Hey , Hey , Hey ! Wait , Wait , Wait ! Fellas , Fellas , What Are Y ' all Doing ? We ' re Doing Yeah , Delirious , Man . Yeah . I Mean , We ' re Your Biggest Fans . Yeah . We Got The Whole Show Set Up For An All - out - - Here It Is - - Extravaganza . Yeah ! That ' s Wonderful , But I Ain ' t Into This Leather And Lace Look Much Anymore . Oh , Good , ' cause This Bustier Is Killing Me . I - - i ' m Normal , Just Like The Next Guy . Oh . Oh . Oh . Oh . Oh . Definitely Normal . By The Way , Gonzo . . . Yeah ? You Are Definitely Working These Pumps And Fishnets . Oh , Thank You . Heh Heh Heh . Rizzo : Right This Way . Boy , I Wish I ' d Known He ' d Changed His Look Before I Ruined This Expensive Pair Of Leather Pants . Aah ! Unbelievable . What ? Announcer : And Now It ' s Time Of Another Episode Of Tales From The Vet . Ay ! Ee ! Aii ! Oh ! Uu ! Scared You , Didn ' t I ? Yes , Always . I ' m Dr . Phil , Your - - your . . . Excuse Me One Moment . Mulch , Mulch , Mulch , Mulch ! Mulch - - mulch - - mulch , This Camera ' s Upside Down . [ grunting ] What ? Hmm . Well Then , That Must Mean That . . . Ow ! Ow ! Oh ! Ow ! Ooh ! Ow ! Ow ! Ow ! Ow ! Oh , Well , Thank You , Mulch . You ' ve Managed To Put Another Hairline Fracture In My Cranium . Arr ! Oh , Yeah ? Well , Just For That , Mulch , Our Carnival Cruise Is Canceled , And That 3 Stooges Convention Is Looking Mighty Iffy . [ sobbing ] Aah ! Anyway - - anyway , Were Was I ? Oh , Yes , Yes , Yes , Yes ! Tonight ' s Mind - numbing Feature Is Stephen King ' s Townhouse Of Wax . By The Way , Look For Leona Helmsley In A Cameo As Edwina , The Painting That Would Not Die ! Ohh ! Ohh ! Ow ! Oh , My Head . Oh , I Have To Go To The Nurse . Mulch , Roll The Film . Mulch : Aah ! Ow ! Oh ! [ breathing On Lens ] [ music Playing ] Arr . This Is A Photograph Of My Kitty . Uh , Can I Have Everyone ' s Attention , Please ? ! Can I Have Everyone ' s Attention ? ! Hey ! Here ' s To The Completion Of Another Great Season Of Tales From The Vet ! Oh , Oh . Whoops , Whoops , Whoops . And , Uh , And I Just Wanted To Say . . . All Right , I ' ll Say It ! You ' re The Best Crew I ' ve Ever Had . We ' re The Only Crew You Ever Had . Oh , Cut It Out , Ed . Cut It Out . By The Way , Everyone , Go Easy On This Eggnog . ♪ Peeko Once And Pull It Off ♪ ♪ Peeko Once And Pull It Off ♪ Mulch : Arr . Aah ! And They Never Let Me Play In The Little League , Ghosty . A - and I Didn ' t Sell Enough Chocolate At Christmastime . Mulch ! Mulch , Get . . . Camera Out Of My Face . Dr . Phil : ♪ I Have A Platinum Card ♪ ♪ A Platinum Card , A Platinum Card ♪ ♪ I Have A Platinum Card ♪ ♪ And You All Just Have Green One ♪ Mulch ! Oh , Mulch , When Did You Get A Video Camera ? Arr ! Come On , Come On . Tape Me , Tape Me , Tape Me ! ♪ Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo ♪ Eggy - noggy . Eggy - noggy . Arr ! ♪ Her Name Was Lola ♪ ♪ She Was A Showgirl ♪ ♪ She Was - - ♪ Come On , Everybody ! Come On , Come On . Sing . Sing Along , Everyone . You Freeloaders ! You Freeloaders ! You Freeloaders ! You Freeloaders ! Stop The Music ! Ahh . Ahh . Oh , Jeez . [ mulch Grunts ] Oh , There You Are , Mulchy . Come On , Mulchy . Come Here , Come Here . Give Me A Big Hug . Ow ! Oh . Oh . Well , I ' m Back From The Nurse ' s Station . How About That Townhouse Of Wax ? Pretty Spine - chilling Stuff , Eh ? [ grunts ] What ? Arr ! You Played What ? You Played Christmas Party ' 93 ? Eggy - noggy . Eggy - noggy . Eggy - noggy . Eggy - noggy . Heh Heh Heh . Eggy - noggy , Eggy - noggy ? I Have No Idea What You ' re Talking About . I Wasn ' t Even At The Christmas Party In ' 93 . [ grunts ] No , I Was Not . Arr Arr . All Right , All Right . I Was Young . It Was The Eggnog Decade . I Was Just Trying To Fit In . Yeah , Yeah , Yeah . Give Me That Videotape ! Arr ? Give Me That Videotape ! Mulch , You Give Me That Videotape Right Now ! Don ' t ! Come Back Here And Give Me That Videotape ! Right Now , Mulch ! Wha ? Sal . Mm - hmm ? You ' re Supposed To Be Pressing My Pants . What Are You Doing Over Here ? I ' m Studying , Johnny . Studying ? Mm - hmm . Since When Do You Need A Book To Be A Pants Ironer ? No , No , No . This Is A Correspondence Course . I ' m Learning To Be An Osteopath , You Know , A Bone Doctor . Well That ' s , Uh , That ' s Great , Sal , But , Uh , First Of All , A Bone Doctor ' s Called A Boneyologist . Second Of All , You Know I Support You In All Your Intellectual Pursuits , But , Uh , Call Me Old - fashioned . I Need My Pants To Perform Onstage . Huh ? Ah . All Right , Johnny . Thank You . Please . All Right . Hey , But , Johnny , First , Let Me Adjust Your Back For You . I Don ' t Think So , Sal . Yeah , Yeah . Don ' t Worry . Just Relax . It Won ' t Hurt . Don ' t Do That . Just Take A Deep Breath . No . Hey , Johnny . . . Huh ? How ' s Your Mom ? My Mom ' s Good . I Just Talked - - whoa ! Aah ! Aah ! Oh , Yeah . There It Is ! Aah ! Aah ! Oh , Yeah ! Oh ! Aah ! Yes ! There You Go . Oh . Hey . Hey . Oh , Boy . Oh , Boy . Hey , Uh . . . Hey , That Feels Pretty Good , Sal . Really ? Hey , Everybody , Here ' s Some Trivia . Before . . . Enh . Was Known As . . . Enh . He Was Known As Prince , But Before . . . Enh . Was Known As Prince , He Was Unknown . And Like So Many Other Unknowns . . . Enh . Made His First Tv Appearance With Us On A Show We Called Muppet Hoo - ha . Let ' s Watch , Shall We ? [ both Laughing ] Oop . Heh Heh Heh . Hey , Rizz Bob . Hey , Bo Bob . Do You Know Why Bees Go Buzz ? Why , Bo Bob , Why ? Because It ' s Easier Than Going . . . Bbl Bbl Bbl Bbl Bbl Bbl Bbl Bbl Bbl Bbl . [ both Laughing ] Whoo Hoo Hoo . Say , Jed . Yes , Ned . You Got The Ugliest Dog I Ever Did See . What Do You Call It ? Well , Before We Painted It Brown And Glued Ears On It , We Called Him Alligator . Ah . Arr ! Aah ! And Now Here ' s The Hoo - ha Ha - ha - ha Hayseed Band With A Little Picking And Grinning For Y ' all . [ moo ] ♪ Climbin ' Up The Mountain Trail ♪ ♪ Natural As Can Be ♪ ♪ I Can See Bear Tracks Comin ' After Me ♪ ' scuse Me , Y ' all . ' scuse Me , ' scuse Me . That There Song Refers To Bear Tracks , Right ? Yes . Why ? Well , Them Ain ' t No Bear Tracks . They Ain ' t ? Nuh - uh . Them ' s Gator Tracks . Raah ! Aah ! Whoo , Whoo , Whoo , Whoo ! [ alligator ' s Jaws Snap ] Ooh , My Neck . [ moo ] Ooh . Ah . Yo , Kerm , What ' s Wrong With Your Neck ? Oh , It ' s Actually An Old Muppet Hoo - ha Injury . Ever Since That Sketch , I Seem To Have A Stiff Neck . Hey ! Hey , Hey , Hey , Hey ! Hey , Did I Hear You Got A Stiff Neck ? ! Yeah . I Can Cure That . You Know , I Am Trained In The Fine Art Of Osteopathy . Since When ? Oh , Since I Got This Book . Uh , Well , Sal , What Happened To The Book ? Oh , I Broke Its Spine . Guh . Anyway , Let Me Show You The Way That This Works . W - wait A Second , Sal . No , No , No , Just Relax A d Take A Deep Breath . No . S - sal , This Really Isn ' t Nnecessary . No , No , No , No . Think Of Butterflies . Butterflies ? Butterflies ? Yeah , Yeah . Butterflies , Ok . Kermit , Flying Around . Yeah . Can You See Them ? Well , Yeah , I Can . Yeah , Yeah . What Color Are They ? Oh , They ' re Sort Of Orange And Bl - - aah ! Aah ! Aah ! Aah ! Aah ! Aaah ! Aah ! Aah ! Aah ! Aah ! Nnn ! Aah ! Aah ! Aah ! Aah ! Ooh ! Aah ! Ooh ! There You Go . Oh , Man , Sal , What Happened ? What ' d You Do To Kerm ? What Do You Mean ? I Made Him Feel Better . Now , If You ' ll Excuse Me , I ' m Just Gonna Go Study The Chapter On Pop - up Pelvises . Uh . Uh . Uh . Kerm , You Ok , Kerm ? Er , You Know What , Clifford ? The Truth Is My Neck Actually Feels Better . Sal : I Told You ! Uhh . Uh , Excuse Me . Do You Mind Me Asking What You ' re Writing There , Prin - Uh , I Mean . . . I ' m Writing Ideas For Songs . Really ? That ' s Cool . Yeah . Well , Where Do You Get Ideas For Songs ? I Can Get Them Anywhere , Even Here . Here ? Right Here In The Commissary ? You Must Mean Songs About Food , You Know , Songs Like I Wanna Hold Your Ham , Another One Bites The Crust . That One Kills Me . Not If I Kill You First . I ' m Serious , Guys . Watch . Yo , Seymour ! Hmm ? What ' s On The Menu ? Well , We ' ve Got Swordfish , Eggs , And Coffee . Just Pancakes , Maple Syrup , And Jam . Yeah . I Could Write A Song About That . Get Out Of Here ! No , Really , I Can . I Just Need A Better Set . [ bell Ringing ] [ piano Playing ] ♪ It Was 7 : 45 , We Were All In Line ♪ ♪ To Get To Teacher , Miss Kathleen ♪ ♪ First Was Kevin , Then Came Lucy ♪ ♪ Third In Line Was Me ♪ ♪ All Of Us Were Ordinary ♪ ♪ Compared To Cynthia Rose ♪ ♪ She Always Stood In Back Of The Line ♪ ♪ A Smile Beneath Her Nose ♪ ♪ Her Favorite Number Was 20 ♪ ♪ And Every Single Day ♪ ♪ If You Ask Her What She Had For Breakfast ♪ ♪ This Is What She ' d Say ♪ ♪ Starfish And Coffee ♪ ♪ Maple Syrup And Jam ♪ ♪ Butterscotch Clouds And A Tangerine ♪ ♪ A Side Order Of Ham ♪ ♪ If You Set Your Mind Free , Baby ♪ ♪ Maybe You ' d Understand ♪ ♪ Starfish And Coffee ♪ ♪ Maple Syrup And Jam ♪ ♪ Oh Ooh Oh ♪ ♪ And They ' re Singin ' ♪ ♪ Oh Ooh Oh ♪ ♪ All Together Now ♪ ♪ Oh Ooh Oh ♪ ♪ And They ' re Singin ' ♪ ♪ Oh Ooh Oh ♪ ♪ Cynthia Wore The Prettiest Dress ♪ ♪ But Different Color Socks ♪ ♪ Sometime I Wondered ♪ ♪ If The Mates Were In Her Lunchbox ♪ ♪ Me And Lucy Opened It Up When Cynthia Wasn ' t Around ♪ ♪ Lucy Cried , I Almost Died ♪ ♪ You Know What We Found ♪ ♪ Starfish And Coffee ♪ ♪ Maple Syrup And Jam ♪ ♪ Butterscotch Clouds And A Tangerine ♪ ♪ A Side Order Of Ham ♪ ♪ If You Set Your Mind Free , Baby ♪ ♪ Maybe You ' d Understand ♪ ♪ Starfish And Coffee ♪ ♪ Maple Syrup And Jam ♪ ♪ Oh Ooh Oh ♪ ♪ And They ' re Singin ' ♪ ♪ Oh Ooh Oh ♪ ♪ All Together Now ♪ ♪ Oh Ooh Oh ♪ ♪ And They ' re Singin ' ♪ ♪ Oh Ooh Oh ♪ Yeah , Man , That Was Great . All Right , All Right . So You Made A Song From The Breakfast Menu , But I ' ll Bet You 5 Bucks You Can ' t Do It Again . I ' ll Take That Bet . Yo , Seymour . Yeah ? What ' s For Desert ? Raspberry Sorbet . [ music Playing ] ♪ Raspberry Sorbet ♪ Oh , No . ♪ The Kind You Find In A Secondhand Store ♪ All Right , All Right . Here ' s Your 5 Bucks . Oh , Man , Sal , You Are Good . Thank You . Uh , But I Think - - I Think You Forgot My Left Foot There . What ? Oh , Sorry . Could You Just Get That ? Just A Tweak ? All Right . Just Relax . Just Do Something Nice . Yeah . Think Of A Hen Farm At Hatching Time . Oh , Yeah . Ok , You Got It ? Yeah , You Thinking About It ? Yeah . Nnn - yaah ! Aah ! Yes ! Ha Ha ! Thanks , Sal . That ' s The Best 50 Cents I Ever Spent . Ah , You ' re Welcome . I Gotta Catch The Bus . Could You Give Me A Little Nudge ? Oh . Oh , Yeah , Sure . There You Go . Thank You So Much . Hey - - hey , Sal , What ' s Going On Here ? Y - you Still Haven ' t Ironed These Pants . Oh . Uh , Sorry , Johnny - - You Know What ? You Know , I ' ve Had It Up To Here , Sal . Oh , That Would Be Your Clavicle , Johnny . I Don ' t Care What It Is . Y - you ' re Becoming A Pain In The - - Thoracic Vertebrae ? All Right , All Right . Look , That ' s It . You - - No , No , No , Johnny . This Is It Right Back Here . Hey , Hey , Hey , Hey ! What ? All Right , Look . Listen To Me . Y - you ' re A Gentleman ' s Monkey . Uh - huh . And Your Job Is To Fulfill My Needs , And Right Now , I Need To Get My Pants Ironed . Right , Johnny . I ' m Sorry . I Guess I Was Just Trying To Be Something I ' m Not . Yeah , Well , That ' s Right . Y - you ' re Not A Boneyologist . You ' re A Pants Ironer . That ' s Right , Johnny . Not An Australypath . Mm - mmm . Pants Ironer . Right , Johnny . I ' m A Pants Ironer . That ' s Right . That ' s Right . All Right , Pal . Heh Heh . All Right . Ok . Iron It Up , Huh ? All Right , I ' ll Pants , Get Right On It . Pants , Pants . Ok . All Right . Iron , Iron , Iron . Ah . Yes ? Special Delivery For Sal Minella . Oh . Oh , Thank You . You ' re Welcome . Oh , Oh ! Thank You Very Much . Thank You . You ' re Welcome . Bye . Heh Heh Heh . Oh , Boy ! Oh , Boy ! Oh , Boy ! Oh , Boy ! It ' s My Pop - up Book Of Acupuncture And Needlepoint . Hmm . [ needle Pops Out ] Aah ! Hey , My Headache Is Gone , But My Chin Is Killing Me . Aah . Announcer : And Now It ' s Time For Carl The Big , Mean Bubble Guy . Hi , I ' m Carl , And Bubbles Come Out Of My Head . Nnn ! Hey , Hey , Hey , That ' s My Act ! Not Anymore . What ? Ohh ! Ohh ! What Are You Doing ? [ belches ] Thank You ! Hey , Waldorf , Look At That . The Show Is 10 Times As Big . Yeah . Too Bad It ' s 1 / 10 As Funny . Oh Ho Ho Ho Oh Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho . Ho Ho Ho . Hey , Let ' s See What Else Is On . Hand Me That Remote . Oh . Oh , It ' s Big . Nnn ! Hey , Carefu - - Ohh ! Ohh ! Yo , Yo , Hey . Yo , Yo , Yo . Hey , Yo , Hey . Yo , Yo , Yo . We Got A Great Idea For The Final Number . Listen , We Go To A Football Stadium With 5 , 000 White Rats . Yes , Yes , But Get This , They ' re Dyed Purple , Like That . Hey , How You Doing ? Nice To Meet You . We ' ll Form A Living , Dancing Version Of Your Symbol On The 50 - yard Line . Yeah , What Do You Think ? Wait A Minute , Guys . My Name Has A Very Spiritual Meaning To Me . All Right , All Right . So What Do You Want To Do , Then ? I Just Want To Go Out On The Stage , Sit At The Piano , Do A Nice , Little Simple Number With The Help Of A Few Angels . What ? Huh ? [ music Playing ] ♪ Hoo Ooh Ooh ♪ ♪ I Know I ' d Like To Turn Your Heart ♪ ♪ To A Tale Of Sheer Delight ♪ ♪ A Song Of Adulation ♪ ♪ Love And Fear ♪ ♪ No One Loved Him Better ♪ ♪ No One Better Sacrificed ♪ ♪ She Gave Her Angels That Summer Night ♪ ♪ Fate As She Designed It ♪ ♪ Took Her From Her Man ♪ ♪ Destiny And Love ♪ ♪ Don ' t Always Go Hand In Hand ♪ ♪ Yes Were They Waitin ' ♪ ♪ Like A Memory Over The Room ♪ ♪ She Gave Her Angels That Night In June ♪ ♪ She Gave Her Angels ♪ ♪ She Gave Her Angels To Her Man ♪ ♪ Because Her Man Had None ♪ ♪ To Watch Over Him Till She Returned ♪ ♪ Her Man , Her Lover , Her Son , Her Father ♪ ♪ For All These Things He Meant To Her ♪ ♪ She Felt It Right ♪ ♪ She Gave Her Angels ♪ ♪ That Summer Night ♪ ♪ Yes , She Gave Her Angels ♪ ♪ That Summer Night ♪ That Was Lovely . Yeah , Man , That Was Beautiful . Thanks , Fellas . Yeah . You Made Me Feel All Warm And Gooey Inside , Like A Nice Brie . Uh , Say , Are You Hungry ? Get Out Of Here . Yeah , Yeah . Can We Do Another Sweet , Tender Song Like That ? I Got A Better Idea . What ? Let ' s Go Crazy . ♪ Let ' s Go Crazy ♪ ♪ Let ' s Get Nuts ♪ ♪ Let ' s Look For The Purple Banana ♪ ♪ Till They Put Us In The Truck ♪ ♪ Let ' s Go ♪ Good Night , Y ' all . ♪ Come On , Baby ♪ Yeah , Good Night . ♪ Let ' s Get Nuts ♪ Let ' s Get Nuts . Yay ! Yeah . Ah , No . That Little Monkey ' s Done It This Time . He ' s Ruined My Slacks Over Here . Wha ? Yes ! Oh , No . What Now ? All Right , Bobo , This Is The Last One . You Ready ? Mm - hmm . Daaah ! Oy - uh ! Whoa . Oh . There We Go . Feeling Any Better There Yet ? Uh , Well , I Don ' t Feel As Itchy . Good . That Means It ' s Working . No , I Think It Means You Skewered A Few Fleas . And , Uh , How Long Until You , You Know , Take These Things Out ? Take What Out ? The - - the Needles . I Don ' t Know . That Book Doesn ' t Come Till Next Week . Sal . What ? Sal , I . . . What , What ? Sal , I ' m Gonna . . . Hey , Take It Easy . This Is My First Day . Come Here You . . . You - - you - - you Little Boneyologist . I ' ll Show You . I ' ll Show You , You - - come Here . And Even Though I Don ' t Know Who You Are , I Agree With All Of It . Can You Speed That Up In The Edit ? Go , Go , Go , Go . What ? What ? I ' ll Watch Your Back . Ohh ! [ muffled Cries ] Where Are You , Pepe ? I Promise That Nothing Like That Will Ever Happen Again . It ' s Imposs - - I Couldn ' t Do It . It ' s A New Dance . Unbelievable . What ? [ kisses ] Yogurt . How About Bavarian Pretzels ?