The Two Irises ( audio story ) The Two Irises was the fifth release in the Iris Wildthyme audio series . It was the third story in the second season . It was written by Simon Guerrier . Publisher ' s summary . Iris is dead : to begin with . There is no doubt whatever about that . She sacrificed herself to save her best friend , Panda , then exploded inside her time - travelling bus . On Earth in the year 2108 , the North Bloc and the South Bloc teeter on the edge of terrible nuclear war . The fate of the whole world rests on a not - very - good disco in Spain . One run by the dastardly alien Naxian s . . . Iris Wildthyme is as dead as a doornail . But her new incarnation is going to have to get stuck in . Poor bloke doesn ' t stand a chance . Plot . Iris announces her retirement and wishes her replacement the best of luck . Panda wakes up in the bus to find that Iris has saved the universe by baking a cheesecake from the milk of a gigantic bat . To his surprise , a man appears , claiming to the next incarnation of Iris . According to him , the previous incarnation died from a plague as there was only enough cheesecake cure for Panda . Panda wakes up , thinking that Iris ' new identity was merely a dream . He has trouble accepting the man as Iris , although he does appreciate the man ' s suit . The new Iris throws out their best booze , much to Panda ' s chagrin . They proceed to fight over Panda ' s hip flask , which Iris wins by tickling the bear . Iris takes Panda to an extravagant Roman party , yet Panda spends his time sulking in the corner , clutching his hip flask . Panda insists that this new Iris is too different from the previous incarnation . He goes to the bus , where he finds the phone ringing . Iris comes back to the bus and Panda gives him a message from Roger , the man that was on the phone , although Iris does not recognise the name . They go to the coordinates as instructed by Roger to find that he is a Naxian . Iris and Panda flee . Iris notices that his new body is adept at running . The Naxian sneaks up on them and takes them prisoner in an old retro dance club . Although Iris disapproves , Panda clutches to his hip flask as he finds it comforting . Panda condemns Iris for not having an escape plan . Roger , a Naxian warlord enters the room . He claims to have been at Radio Yesterday , and he begins weeping after Iris fails to remember their prior romance . Roger grew weary of war after being dumped by Iris , and decided to live in the past and run a night club instead . During this time in Earth history , there are two opposing military forces : the North Bloc and the South Bloc . The club is technically in an independent state , however it is being attacked by both sides , as they fear that copious " cheap music " has the power to corrupt the world . They are still alive because of the electro - shield , however this shield also blocks radio waves from leaving the shield . Roger believes that " through the power of disco " he can create world peace . Roger reveals that he has named his club after Iris . Iris decides to help Roger . In private , Iris tells Panda that he is no longer interested in Roger , partly due to the Naxian ' s gender . Iris is planning on running out once the situation is pacified . Roger tells Panda that he doesn ' t care about physical gender . Iris fixes the radio , allowing the radio waves to exit the electro - field . As a side effect , the radio waves activate the nuclear weapon s of both major powers . Panda realises that the entire event has been planned by Roger in order to lure Iris to save him . Panda and Iris try to leave , but Roger reacts in anger and refuses to let them leave . He combines with the other Naxians , creating one unified Naxian beast . Iris is unsure of what to do . In response , Panda opens his hip flask , and the previous incarnation of Iris appears outside the bus . The female Iris is annoyed to learn that the male Iris has thrown out all the booze . Iris reveals that Panda ' s hip flask is actually a temporal link to the " rehab dimension " , where the female Iris was taking a vacation . The female Iris expresses pleasure in returning to this dimension as the rehab dimension was quite dull . The female Iris approaches Roger . Iris agrees to go out to dinner with Roger if he will turn off the music . The male Iris is impressed at the speed at which the female Iris has fixed the situation . Panda informs them that the nuclear arsenals of the two major powers have been armed in response to the music . Iris then contacts the military leader of the North Bloc , but he claims that he can ' t disarm the weapons . Iris informs Roger that the male Iris isn ' t actually a real person . He is actually a " hyper personality construct " , a computer program created by the bus . The male Iris overhears this information because the real Iris accidentally announces over the intercom . The male Iris has trouble coming to terms with his lack of identity . Both Irises use their buses to circle around the Earth so fast that they catch up with their own temporal exhaust in an effort to confuse the missile systems . The plan fails , however , and the missiles lock onto the buses . They begin travelling toward the sun , planning to dematerialise at the last minute , leaving the missiles to detonate harmlessly into the sun . Unfortunately , because the missiles are locked on to the temporal exhaust , they will be able to follow the buses through space and time . The male Iris considers sacrificing himself to save Earth , as he is only a computer construct . Before doing so , he asks the original Iris why she programmed him in the first place . Because she would eventually die , she programmed a replacement in order to prevent her enemies from taking advantage of her absence and causing mayhem around the universe without anyone to stop them . Roger objects to the male Iris ' sacrifice , as he prefers the male version of Iris . However , the male Iris ' bus then breaks down , and the missiles catch up , destroying the bus . The female Iris then travels back in time , inside of the other bus , taking Panda and the male Iris to safety . She is able to do this because both buses are actually the same bus . The problem isn ' t solved yet , as the two buses are now stuck together , and they are unable to move without detonating the bombs . The male Iris sacrifices himself to save the others , but Roger , driven by love , chases after him . Although Iris and Panda think the male Iris and Roger are dead , it turns out that Roger used his sticky spittle to attach themselves to the outside of the bus . They go to the disco to celebrate , where they find out that world peace has been restored . Because all the missiles in the world have been detonated , the world powers have no choice but to live in harmony . The male Iris , who has now taken the name of Hilary , decides to stay on Earth and help Roger with his dance club .