The Epic of the Grey Falcon Content . Librarian Comment : A popular joke about a shipwreck survivor . As uncovered and translated by Anido Jhone , Royal Archaeologist , from an ancient tome : This tale comes from sometime in the 2nd Era , most probably after the time of the Knahaten Flu , or at least I have so surmised due to reasons in the text . Whether or not the tale is true , it remains an interesting story of survival . The reader will , I trust , forgive me if I translated the epic somewhat informally . The message , I think , is universal , and should not be misread . Enjoy , gentle reader . A . J . J . The Grey Falcon , a small warship of the Sumurset Isle , Was patrolling deep in the ocean for a pirate That had been looting the coast . The first three weeks out were uneventful . Two hours after sunset , on the 22nd day out of port , The lookout spotted a top of a sail in the moonlight , Just on the horizon . " Sail ! To starboard , forward quarter ! " The lookout of the Grey Falcon cried . The crew and captain of the Grey Falcon were quickly roused , And stumbled to the deck . " ' Tis the ship we ' re looking for , Captain , " said the lookout . " All hands to battle stations ! All archers to their posts , " The Captain yelled , " Full ahead ! " The two ships closed , And a dark figure stepped out onto the forecastle of the pirate ship . The figure made a gesture with his hands , And a giant ball of fire streaked towards the Grey Falcon . The ball of fire struck the Grey Falcon in her sails , Quickly catching them aflame . The figure made another gesture . Large bolts of ice streaked out from his hands , And hit the Grey Falcon just above and below the water line , Gouging large holes in her hull . The Grey Falcon was mortally wounded . The Captain cried , " All hands abandon shi - " As he was cut off by a pirate ' s arrow shot into his throat . As the Grey Falcon , aflame and listing badly , plunged into the sea , One of her sailors , Darik Seaspit , Managed avoid the pirate arrows and spells to make his way to a lifeboat , And lowered it into the darkness below . Just as the lifeboat entered the water , a quick grey shape jumped into it . Darik looked , and saw it was Helnor Snarlsbane , A Khajiit mercenary assigned to the ship . The two rowed the small boat away , As the Grey Falcon finished her descent into the sea . In the darkness , the Pirate ship missed their small craft . After the two rowed well out of the pirates possible view , They both collapsed from exhaustion . Early morning the next day , They took an inventory of the lifeboats stores . Normally the lifeboat carries enough food and water To supply seven people for at least ten days . In place of the food , though , Helnor found a note : " The food in this lifeboat was found to be in violation of Sumerset Navy regulation during inspection . In accordance to that article , the food was taken away and destroyed . A replacement may be obtained by redeeming this letter at the Port Supply Office . Signed , Lt . Inspector Windhollow " Helnor read aloud . Said Darik , to his Khajiit Companion , " We have plenty of water , but we are out of food . I don ' t know what we ' re going to do . I suppose we could try fishing , but we have no bait . " There ' s no chance we can make it back to land Before we starve to death - ' twill be over a month in this craft " " Wait , I have an idea " said Helnor , with a gleam in his catlike eye . Six weeks later , the lifeboat entered the port of Corwich . As it was tethered to the dock , a solitary figure was pulled out , Looking weather beaten and thin . One of the dock workers peered into the life raft , After the figure was taken away to the port healer for treatment . " Hmm , what ' s this " , a worker said to himself , As he picked up a large bone from the boat , A bone bleached white by the sun . After the sole survivor of the Grey Falcon recovered from his ordeal , He was taken to the inquest for the death of Darik Seaspit , And placed on a chair before the magistrate . " We here in High Rock have a dim view of cannibalism . You ' d better have a good reason for your actions , " The inquisitor boomed at Helnor Snarlsbane . " By the Lady , do you ? " Helnor stood , and said , " Your Honor , I had no choice . There was no food , and it was at least two months to the closest port . We both decided this was the only way someone would make it " " Well , then , I suppose that is understandable , If somewhat distasteful , " the inquisitor said . " You think it was distasteful ? , " Helnor muttered to himself , " I didn ' t have any seasoning . " " One final thing , Mr . Snarlsbane , How was it decided that you would be the one that would dine on the other ? The toss of a coin ? " Helnor drew himself up and said , " Your honor , it was very simple . Darik Seaspit was a vegetarian " " Case dismissed ! "