Hallgerd ' s Tale Content . HALLGERD ' S TALE by Tavi Dromio " I think the greatest warrior who ever lived had to be Vilus Nommenus , " offered Xiomara . " Name one other warrior who conquered more territory . " " Tiber Septim , obviously , " said Hallgerd . " He wasn ' t a warrior . He was an administrator . . . a politician , " said Garaz . " And besides , acreage conquered can ' t be final means of determining the best warrior . How about skill with a blade ? " " There are other weapons than blade s , " objected Xiomara . " Why not skill with an axe or a bow ? Who was the greatest master of all weaponry ? " " I can ' t think of one greatest master of all weaponry , " said Hallgerd . " Balaxes of Agia Nero in Black Marsh was the greatest wielder of a lance . Ernse Llervu of the Ashlands is the greatest master of the club I ' ve ever seen . The greatest master of the katana is probably an Akaviri warlord we ' ve never heard of . As far as archery goes - - " " Pelinal Whitestrake supposedly conquered all of Tamriel by himself , " interrupted Xiomara . " That was before the First Era , " said Garaz . " It ' s probably mostly myth . But there are all sorts of great warriors of the modern eras . The Camoran Usurper ? The unknown hero who brought the Staff of Chaos defeated Jagar Tharn ? " " We can ' t declare an unknown champion as the greatest warrior . What about Nandor Beraid , the Empress Katariah ' s champion ? " suggested Xiomara . " They said he could use any weapon ever invented . " " But what happened to him ? " smiled Garaz . " He was drowned in the Sea of Ghosts because he couldn ' t get his armor off . Call me overly particular , but I think the greatest warrior in the world should know how to take armor off . " " It ' s kinda hard to judge ability to wear armor as a skill , " said Xiomara . " Either you have basic functionality in a suit of armor or you don ' t . " " That ' s not true , " said Hallgerd . " There are masters in that as well , people who can do things while wearing armor better than we can out of armor . Have you ever heard of Hlaalu Pasoroth , the King ' s great grandfather ? " Xiomara and Garaz admitted that they had not . " This was hundreds and hundreds of years ago , and Pasoroth was the ruler of a great estate which he had won by right of being the greatest warrior in the land . It ' s been said , and truly , that much of the House ' s current power is based on Pasoroth ' s earnings as a warrior . Every week he held games at his castle , pitting his skill against the champions of the neighboring estates , and every week , he won something . His great skill wasn ' t in the use of weaponry , though he was decent enough with an axe and a long sword , but in his ability to move quickly and with great agility wearing a full suit of heavy mail . There were some who said that he moved faster while wearing armor than he did out of it . " Some months before this story begins , he had won the daughter of one of his neighbors , a beautiful creature named Mena who he had made his wife . He loved her very much , but he was intensely jealous , and with good reason . She wasn ' t very pleased with his husbandly skills , and the only reason Mena never strayed was because Pasoroth kept a close eye on her . She was , to put it kindly , naturally amorous and resentful of her position as a prize . Wherever he went , he always brought her with him . At the games , she was placed in a special box so that he could see her even while he competed . " But his real competition though he didn ' t know it , was from a handsome young armorer he also had won at one of his competitions . Mena had noticed him , and the armorer , whose name was Taren , had certainly noticed her . " " This has all the makings of a dirty joke , Hallgerd , " said Xiomara , with a smile . " I swear that it ' s entirely true , " said Hallgerd . " The problem facing the lovers was , of course , that they could never be alone . Perhaps because of this , it became a burning obsession to both of them . Taren decided that the best time for them to consummate their love was during the games . Mena feigned illness , so she didn ' t have to stay in the box , but Pasoroth visited the sickroom every few minutes between fights , so Taren and Mena could never get together . The sound of Pasoroth ' s armor clunking up the stairs to visit his sick wife gave Taren the idea . " He crafted his lord a new suit of armor , strong , and bright , and beautifully decorated . For his purposes , Taren rubbed the leg joints with luca dust so the more he sweated and the more he moved them , the more they ' d get stick together . After a little while , Taren figured , Pasoroth wouldn ' t be able to walk very quickly , and wouldn ' t have enough time in between fights to visit his wife . But just in case , Taren also added bells to the legs which rung loudly when they moved , so the couple would be able to hear him coming in plenty of time . " When the games commenced the following week , Mena feigned illness again and Taren presented his lord with the new armor . Pasoroth was delighted with it , as Taren hoped he would be , and donned it for his first fight , Taren then stole upstairs to Mena ' s bedchamber . " All was silent outside as the two began to make love . Suddenly , Mena noticed a peculiar expression on Taren ' s face and before she had a chance to ask him about it , his head fell off at the neck . Pasoroth was standing behind him with his axe in hand . " " How did he get upstairs so quickly , with his leg joints gummed up ? And didn ' t they hear the bells ringing ? " asked Garaz . " Well , you see , when Pasoroth realized he couldn ' t walk on his legs very quickly , he walked on his hands . " " I don ' t believe it , " laughed Xiomara . " What happened next ? " asked Garaz . " Did Pasoroth kill Mena also ? " " No one knows exactly what happened next , " said Hallgerd . " Pasoroth didn ' t return for the next game , nor for the next . Finally , at the fourth game , he returned to fight , and Mena appeared in the box to watch . She didn ' t appear to be sick anymore . In fact , she was smiling and had a light flush to her face . " " They did it ? " cried Xiomara . " I don ' t have all the salacious details , except that after the battle , it took ten squires thirteen hours to get Pasoroth ' s armor off because of all the luca dust mixed with sweat . " " I don ' t understand , you mean , he didn ' t take his armor off when they - - but how ? " " Like I said , " replied Hallgerd . " This is a story about someone who was more agile and accomplished in his armor than out of it . " " Now , that ' s skill , " said Garaz .