Samaritan Snare ( episode ) Picard must undergo a serious medical procedure while the " Enterprise " - D deals with a Pakled ship , which lures the " Enterprise " away in hopes of stealing its technology . Summary . Teaser . The is en route to the Epsilon IX sector for an astronomical survey of the Epsilon pulsar cluster . Captain Picard is having a discussion with his chief medical officer Doctor Pulaski about Picard ' s artificial heart , which needs to be replaced on Starbase 515 . This procedure should have been performed earlier , but Picard has ignored it for far too long . When Doctor Pulaski proposes performing the procedure on board the " Enterprise " herself , Picard refuses , being concerned with his image , and reluctantly agrees to make the trip to Starbase 515 . Wesley Crusher is also going to Starbase 515 to take Starfleet exams , which Data found quite elementary . Crusher is surprised when Picard tells him that he will be traveling with him , and asks Geordi La Forge and Sonya Gomez what he should talk about while traveling with Picard . First Officer Riker is wondering why Picard is taking this trip , since he knows that Picard was looking forward to seeing the Epsilon pulsar cluster , when the " Enterprise " receives a distress call from the Rhomboid Dronegar sector 006 . Act One . The distress call was sent by the starship " Mondor " , which is manned by the Pakled s . When Riker asks what is wrong , the only answer he gets from Grebnedlog is that their ship is broken and that they need help . When he asks what the nature of their mission is , he gets the answer that they " look for things that make them go " . When he asks more questions he gets the same answers . Data has scanned their ship , so the crew can determine what is wrong . Riker decides to send chief engineer La Forge to repair the Pakled ship . Worf strongly protests against sending the chief engineer but , since Riker thinks that the Pakleds pose no danger because of their speech impediment and their appearance , he only sends La Forge . Later on Counselor Troi proves him wrong and tells him that La Forge is in grave danger . Act Two . Wesley tries to make conversation with Captain Picard in the shuttle " " , when Picard confides in him that this trip was not his idea and that he hates the prospect of a cardiac replacement . Wesley , not knowing that the captain had a cardiac implant , asks him why it needs to be replaced and why Doctor Pulaski could not perform the procedure . La Forge fixes the Pakled guidance system but then there is a main power failure . Meanwhile the Pakleds keep asking if he " can make it go " . With La Forge forced to stay longer on the " Mondor " , Riker gets irritated , because it seems that they need more than minor repairs . When he offers to tow them with a tractor beam to the nearest starbase , the Pakleds say that La Forge can make them go . As the " Enterprise " tries to beam La Forge back , the Pakleds stun him . A quick scan tells Riker that they cannot beam La Forge out and that all systems on the " Mondor " are working perfectly . Their shields seem to be more advanced than the current state of Pakled technology . Act Three . Over a coffee and a sandwich Picard and Wesley engage in some small talk on kids , women , discipline and why Picard never married . Picard also tells him how he came about the cardiac implant . When he was at the Bonestell Recreation Facility at Starbase Earhart with some friends , he picked a fight with three Nausicaan s . Having one Nausicaan down in a joint lock , Picard was impaled by a Nausicaan stake . The only reason he survived is because a medical facility was nearby . They eventually arrive at Starbase 515 , where Wesley escorts Picard to the medical facility . It turns out that Doctor Pulaski asked Wesley to make sure that Picard made it inside , which prompts Picard to say " that woman " . On the " Enterprise " , Riker is considering their options when Data tells him that the malfunctions on the Pakled ship were programmed . Riker ' s demands to return La Forge are refused and the Pakled stun him again . For Riker to get La Forge back he has to give them all the information from the " Enterprise " computer . Of course , this is not an option , since it would violate Starfleet security . Act Four . While lying on the operating table , the surgeon tells Picard not to worry because they have done this operation a hundred times . After the anesthesiologist administered anesthesia , the surgeon begins the operation , a secondary cardiac procedure with mid - line entry . He anticipates no problems and expects the operation team to be home for dinner . Riker plans to mislead the Pakled so that he can get La Forge back . They try to lead the Pakled to believe that he is a phaser and photon technology expert . By mentioning specific words during their conversation with the Pakled ship they try to tell La Forge what they are planning to do . Grebnedlog and Reginod tell him that he must make them strong , meaning he has to fix the weaponry of the " Mondor " so they can attack the " Enterprise " . Fortunately Geordi understands what Riker wants and he changes the Pakled ' s weapons configuration so they don ' t work properly . When the " Enterprise " detects that the Pakled weapons are on - line they contact the " Mondor " and demand that Geordi be returned or they will be destroyed . The Pakled respond that " they are strong now " and that they " want respect " . During Picard ' s operation there were complications , which the surgeon was not qualified to resolve . A biomolecular specialist knows someone who is . Act Five . During this ruse Lieutenant Worf received a message that Captain Picard is close to death and the " Enterprise " needs to go to Starbase 515 as soon as possible . Riker starts a countdown of the time the Pakleds have to return La Forge . When the Pakleds try to fire at the " Enterprise " nothing happens and La Forge tells them that the " Enterprise " disarmed the " Mondor " by using a crimson force field ; the reality is a cleverly - coordinated ruse comprised of La Forge disabling the torpedoes as the " Enterprise " vents hydrogen through their Bussard collector s . The Pakleds , convinced that they are " not strong " , drop their shields and Riker beams La Forge back to the " Enterprise " . When Picard awakens from his anesthesia , he sees Doctor Pulaski standing over him , the surgeon they called in who was qualified to perform the operation . She tells him that she saved his life . Picard is less than thrilled , and is more concerned that the entire " Enterprise " now knows of his condition . When Picard returns to the " Enterprise " bridge to the applause of some of the bridge officers ( which he does not appreciate ) , he is pleased to report that Wesley Crusher ' s test results permit him to continue to study on board the " Enterprise " and that any rumors of his brush with death are greatly exaggerated . The " Enterprise " once more sets course for the Epsilon sector . Memorable quotes . " " It ' s not the exams I ' m worried about . It ' s Captain Picard . " " " " Why ? He ' s not taking the exams . " " " " This is Commander William Riker of the USS " Enterprise " . " " " " Uh - ha " " " " We received a mayday message from your ship . " " " " Uh - ha " " " " What is the nature of your problem ? " " " " We are far from home . " " " " Aren ' t we all . What was the reason for your distress signal ? " " " " We are Pakleds . Our ship is the Mondor . It is broken . " " " " What brings you so far from home ? " " " " We look for things . " " " " What sort of things ? " " " " Things we need . " " " " Can you be more specific ? " " " " Things to make us go . We need help . " " " " Ah , Captain Picard . Nice day for a little trip . " " " " Let me guess , their rubber band broke , right ? " " " " Open your mind to the past . Art , history , philosophy . And all this may mean something . . . " " " " We are smart . You think we ' re stupid , but we ' re smart . " " " " Our computer banks are non - negotiable . " " " " We want them . " " " " Believe me , they ' re nothing if not persistent . " " " " We want to be nothing if not persistent . " " " " Nobody ever said they were great conversationalists . " " " " Wishing for a thing does not make it so . " " " " Would you care for coffee , Ensign ? " " " " No , thank you , sir . " " " " How about a sandwich ? " " " " No , I don ' t think so , sir . " " " " Oh , c ' mon . It ' s been hours . You must be hungry . " " " " Thank you , sir . " " " " I stood toe - to - toe with the worst of the three and I told him what I thought of him , his pals , his planet and I possibly made some passing reference to his questionable parentage . " " " " Any classified weapons knowledge you share with your captors will be considered treason . " " " But I may have no choice . " " " You will die without honor . " " " " Thanks a lot Worf . " " " " You will never attain the 24th level of awareness . " " " " 24 , huh ? That ' s . . . uh . . . That ' s quite a challenge . " " " " Indeed . 24 is the gateway to heroic salvation . " " " " You ' re now armed to the teeth . " " " " Teeth are for chewing . " " " " What the hell are you doing here ? " " " " Saving your life . " " " " Oh , come on . This is a routine procedure : quite commonplace . " " " " True , but you are not a commonplace man . " " Background information . Story and production . " I dealt with a race of what appeared to be ugly and slow people . They have a need for things , which can be a reflection of our society . That ' s what " Star Trek " tries to do , take an almost unbelievable situation in an unbelievable time and somehow make all of us realize that ' s what ' s happening today , and what we can do to make the planet and the universe a better place . I think that is the essence of " Star Trek " and the tradition Roddenberry is trying to carry on . " ( " " ) Reception . " Very strange but nice . That was very different . It gave Geordi a nice turn , and the more you use LeVar , the happier the show will be , because LeVar is wonderful to work with . " ( " " ) " The point at which we became serious about trying to write a script for the show was about five minutes after watching ' Samaritan Snare , ' which in my personal opinion was the most abysmal piece of " Star Trek " ever filmed . My objections to it were that it always resorted to idiot plotting to make the story work , and that offended me a great deal worse than some of the awful shows which were done on . I thought the way in which it was plotted and the way it was dealt with was an insult to the intelligence of the people who watched the show and the actors and characters in the show . None of the plot could have happened if all of the characters hadn ' t suddenly became morons that week . " " Someone must have been aware of how hokey it was , because they wrote obvious questions into the script which they chose not to answer . For instance , before Geordi beams over , Worf says explicitly to Riker , ' Do we have to send them our chief engineer because they have a little problem ? ' and it ' s never answered . If you don ' t want to answer it , don ' t bring it up . Another thing that is stupid is Deanna Troi comes on the bridge and says to Riker , ' I don ' t sense fear or confusion . Geordi is in danger . Bring him back , ' and no one even responds to that . They simply act as if it wasn ' t said . On the trip over to the starbase , where Picard and Wesley have this long heart to heart talk , Wesley says why would anyone use a defective heart transplant . That ' s a minor point . A major piece of stupidity is they send him to a medical facility where it turned out that no one was qualified to handle the operation if it went at all wrong . I can ' t believe they expect viewers to be so stupid as to not ask about that . The fact that the routine was repeatedly said , throughout the show , to be an absolutely routine procedure and when it went wrong , it went wrong for no reason that was mentioned , except that it had to go wrong to have the climax . Then it turns out they have to call the " Enterprise " to bring Pulaski over to do the operation because she ' s more qualified and the people there weren ' t . " ( " " ) Links and references . References . archaeology ; art ; autopilot ; biomolecular physiologist ; Bonestell Recreation Facility ; Bussard collector ; capillary ; cardiac implant ; cardiac replacement ; coffee ; crimson force field ; " " ; Epsilon IX sector ; Epsilon Pulsar Cluster ; Far Space Starbase Earhart ; Federation ; forced spectrum communication ; heterocyclic declination ; hydrogen ; ; Jarada ; Klingon ; Klingon Empire ; literature ; mayday ; metabilation occlusion s ; " Mondor " ; mortality rate ; myocardial enzyme balance ; Nausicaan ; neural calipers ; number one ; Pakled s ; parthenogenetic implant ; photon torpedo ; pulsar ; pulsar cluster ; reserve power ; Rhomboid Dronegar sector 006 ; Romulan s ; rubber band ; sandwich ; semantics ; shock ; Starbase 515 ; Starbase 515 planet ; Starfleet ; Starfleet Academy ; sterile field ; teeth ; thoracic polychromatics ; tissue mitigator ; treason ; Type 7 shuttlecraft ; Van Doren ; venturi chamber ; warp coil ; weapons specialist Other references . Starbase 515 Biomedical and Health Care Services Directory : Andor Environment Ward ; Biomedical Imaging Services ; Conference Room 4 ; Conference Room 5 ; DGA ; Exobiology Research Division ; ; ; Kei / Yuri Therapy Unit ; ; ; MD ; ; ; ; Surgical Suite 3 ; Surgical Suite 4 ; Surgical Suite 5 ; Surgical Suite 6 ; Vulcan Physiology Unit ; Zero Gravity Therapy Ward