The Liturgy of Affliction Content . Dearest reader , the tome that you hold in your hand is a chronicle of pain , of torment , and of discovery . In these memoirs , I shall impart to you an autobiography of a foolish and failed attempt to achieve a great power . Walk with me as I break the bonds of propriety , throw off the restraints of the ancient laws of the arcane , and cast aside the bonds of magical ethics . For contained herein , you shall find the dying words of Vexis Velruan . Let it be known to you , loyal reader , that I remain until my dying moment , a student of Magic ka . But no typical apprentice , am I . I am one who has forged a unique path to the deeper understanding of the mechanics of Magicka . Through the infliction of destruction magic upon my own flesh , I have accomplished more than any student before me has . It is by that folly that I come to you now , lucid as ever , fully alert in my faculties , and acutely cognizant of the sacrifices that I have made in my quest . I have long since lost the capacity to feel any physical sensation beyond absolute agony . I ' ve become so accustomed to it , so detached from the feeling , that to me , pain is simply always there . You do not think of the air around you as a sensation , do you ? How is it , you ask , that I came to be what I am ? It began innocently enough . I was once a healer , one of the most promising students of the temple . Which one ? It doesn ' t matter . I was eventually expelled . Fools . You see , we had a number of patients interred in our humble sanctuary who had been infected with the Red Fever . My attempts to use the magical arts to turn the disease on itself were less than successful in their early stages . For trying to find a cure , I was cast out . It was not long after my exile that I discovered the means to eradicate infection using the destructive energies of magicka . In my explorations of the school of Destruction I discovered that by pulling the elemental energies through my own body , I was able to increase the raw output of energy . From the experience of a lighting bolt surging through my own body , I was able to deepen my understanding of the raw forces of magicka . At first , the pain was bearable . I directed only a minor amount of the energy back in towards myself . I learned to couple the destruction with restorative energies . It helped to abate the damage done to my body , but did nothing to stop the pain itself . As my tolerance for the pain increased , I began to channel more and more through my own body . My understanding of Destruction outgrew my knowledge of Restoration . While it could still lessen the damage , it could not stop it . My skin became charred and blackened ; it dried , flaked off , and cracked . I stunk of cooked meat . But I could not resist the draw of more and more energy . I became like a Skooma fiend of the worst sort . I no longer used magic for any practical purpose . I simply sought out more and more energy - - I relished the pain . Anticipated the moment when the energy and the pain would wash over me as one , freezing my flesh , burning it beyond recognition . My skin became a network of scars , sores , lesions , and burns . But it was never enough . Never . I needed more . More pain . More power . I lost my sight . My eyes melted into boiling pools of vitreous humor so hot that they left streaks of blistered skin as they ran down my face like burning tears . My right hand froze solid and shattered into a thousand pieces , when I carelessly bashed it against a doorjamb in terror , once I realized what had happened . The bones of both my legs shattered outward like broken glass , shredding the flesh and muscle surrounding them . While this may sound like a fate of terrible consequence , my dearest reader , I can assure you that you will never know what it is to be a creature of flesh and bone like I have . You will never have the degree of knowledge of frailty of the flesh that I have grown to know . I achieved a level of understanding of Magicka beyond that of the grand masters of the guild , but that accomplishment pales in comparison to the grander discoveries that this experience has bestowed upon me . People like you think that pain is to be avoided . Hidden from . Feared . Through my suffering and the numbness that now robs me of the ability to feel it , I can say this to you : Pain is a simple factor of human existence . It affords us the opportunity to feel - - to appreciate the temporary shell that our spirits occupy . Pain is the greatest gift that the gods have ever given mortal man . And now , as I tell you this story by way of a scribe , I am a stump of a man , wrapped in seeping bandages , never to know pleasure again . Even still , I have but one message to impart to you : Embrace what you are . Glory to lord Sheogorath , for he has opened my eyes .