Proctor Luciana ' s Journal , Vol 4 Content . Date : 31 Last Seed , 1E 2750 ( ? ) I ' m not sure why I ' m writing this . I kept this journal for Marius ' s benefit , but he ' s gone now . Twenty years gone . Time supposedly makes things easier — dulls the pain . But my grief is deeper now than it ' s ever been . Busyness . Order . These things help . I threw myself into my work — marshaling the apostles into a stronger , leaner , more effective order . I cracked down on crime , published a treatise on Marius ' s alchemical experiments , focused on my spellcraft ; but none of these accomplishments come close to filling gaping hole my son left behind . I never told anyone what took place in the Cogitum all those years ago . People are rightly afraid to broach the topic . Even now , twenty years later , my anger glows white - hot . Betrayal — that ' s the only word I can think of . I forded through the Centralis as quickly as I could , destroying any hostile factotum , fabricant , and mechanical trap that stood between me and Lord Seht . When I reached the Throne Aligned , I found Sotha Sil sitting on the stairs leading to his seat of power . He didn ' t even look up . " I know why you ' re here , " he said . I was so naive then , I smiled and rushed toward him like a child . " Good ! " I cried . " We have to move quickly . Marius is near to passing . " But Sotha Sil didn ' t stand up . He didn ' t even look me in the eye . " I am sorry , " he said . " I cannot give you what you seek . " I stumbled over my words , trying to understand what he was saying . I just repeated myself like an idiot , thinking perhaps that he hadn ' t heard me . " Marius is dying . We have to get back to him as soon as possible ! " He stood up and pursed his lips before speaking . " I ' m sorry , " was his only reply . We stood there in silence for what felt like an eternity . Eventually , I shook my head and whispered , " I don ' t understand . My body was ruined and you healed me . It ' s only Marius ' s heart that needs mending . " Seht approached , placed a brass hand on my shoulder and said , " You misunderstand . It is within my power to heal Marius , but circumstances make it impossible . I grieve with you , Luciana . " I looked up and there were tears in his eyes . I felt a great rage rise up within me . I reached for my hammer , and lifted it above my head just before Seht whispered a banishing word and sent me hurtling back toward the surface . Marius died two days later . Sotha Sil remains in the Cogitum Centralis to this day . The other apostles offered the same trite consolations I used to give to the grieving parents of men who died under my command in the Imperial Legion . " It was his time . " " He lived a good and honorable life . " On and on . But in my heart , I will never forgive Sotha Sil . Never . I will remain a proctor of the apostles . I will always safeguard the city I love , and uphold the laws and traditions of the order . But my adoration for the Clockwork God has shriveled and starved . This is my final entry . For any who choose to read this journal , know only this : Sotha Sil gives and takes without consultation or mercy . Do not mistake his interest for empathy . Do not mistake assistance for authentic acts of kindness . Some are saved , others are sacrificed . That ' s just the way of things in the Clockwork City .