Live Fast and Prosper ( episode ) A trio of con artists impersonate Captain Janeway , Tuvok , and Chakotay to try to scam money and resources out of unsuspecting victims . Summary . Teaser . Two miner s on Telsius Prime meet with two people who materialize on the surface on a Federation transporter beam and introduce themselves as Captain Kathryn Janeway and Commander Tuvok from the Federation starship . Act One . The two impostors recount several details about Earth and Janeway ' s childhood in Indiana with the miners and then discuss a trade : twenty kiloton s of dilithium for ten kilotons of bolomite . Though " Janeway " was prepared to decline the trade , " Tuvok " indicates it could be used to treat the orphaned survivors of a planet - wide disaster on Selnia Prime . " Janeway " is eager to get underway and avoid a neutronic storm , so the two settle the deal at an even ten kilotons of each . Aboard the ship , " Janeway " ( Dala ) removes her wig , revealing her bald head and complains to " Chakotay " ( Zar ) that everything would have gone perfectly if " Tuvok " ( Mobar ) hadn ' t improvised . When they receive a transmission coded for her , Dala puts the wig back on and adjusts her " Starfleet uniform " . She answers , as Zar adds some Federation signatures on the monitors on the alien ship . The miners inform them their bolomite is ready , and the bolomite is transported aboard . Unfortunately , " a storm interferes " with their transporters , and they are " forced " to leave . Meanwhile , aboard the real " Voyager " , the captain almost goes deaf from her sonic shower in her bathroom , and finds B ' Elanna Torres in engineering working on systems failures from all over the ship . Torres can ' t find any problem , despite many diagnostics . Tuvok complains to Tom Paris and Harry Kim in the mess hall that the Oracle of K ' Tal appeared in pajamas . They try to explain with straight faces that it must be the malfunctions , but Tuvok doesn ' t buy it . " " I wonder how the Oracle would look in a sombrero " " , Kim jokes as he and Paris laugh . The captain then shuts down the galley because a contaminant was replicated into the food . When they scan the kitchen , they find a strange heating coil , and they explain that it is connected to the integrated circuitry , and could have caused all of the failure . Neelix explains he got it in a trade with Dala trying to help poor orphans on Selnia Prime . Chakotay then calls Janeway to the bridge with another emergency . Orek , chief of mining on Telsius Prime , is demanding the dilithium ore promised to him . Janeway ( of course ) knows nothing about it , and asks him aboard to clear up the misunderstanding . Act Two . Orek shows her " Janeway ' s " last transmission , which is very garbled . The captain claims that woman isn ' t her . He insists he has lots of data about shuttlecraft and scans to back up his story . She insists that their logs show they never went near his planet . When the miner continues to complain , he mentions the orphans . That ' s when Janeway thinks she may have found a connection . She goes straight to Neelix , and asks for more information about Sister Dala . Neelix tells her that he and Paris met up with two monks in the Wyanti system while looking for a spore The Doctor could create antiviral protein s with . After a " cleansing " with a small device , they discovered that Neelix bears a striking resemblance to their Redeemer of Light . When they would not accept charity for food , Neelix offered a trade , and got the heating coil in exchange . They were invited aboard the " Delta Flyer " , but Paris and Neelix kept an eye on them . She talked to Neelix a lot about himself , how " Voyager " is alone in this region of space , about the ship and the captain ( including some of her childhood ) . After many thanks , and a blessing with eyes closed that lasted about one minute , they returned to the planet . When Janeway examines the computer records , she finds their entire database was downloaded that day , probably with that small device . She concludes that they are the impostors . Turning to Paris and Neelix , she remarks , " " Gentlemen , I believe you ' ve been had . " " Act Three . Orek still doesn ' t believe the story , disbelieving that Paris and Neelix could be so naive . However , Orek is eventually persuaded to give Janeway the scans of the impostors ' ship when she notes the imposters could be halfway through the sector with the Telsian ' s bolomite . During all this , Dala is pulling off another scam , talking to Varn aboard " the " " " ( their ship ) . While it seems obsolete , " Janeway " explains that it has fought off many enemies , such as the Borg and Species 8472 . She also shows him schematics of " Voyager " ( the real one ) , and offers Varn the opportunity to join the Federation , who will protect him from his enemies . " Tuvok " starts a lecture on the primary mission of exploration , but " Janeway " cuts him off . She shows off the advanced weapons of " Voyager " , and says that they will be shared once he is a member – if his membership application is acceptable . " Tuvok " begins to explain a lengthy process , but " Chakotay " reassures him that all will be well , since " Janeway " has influence with the Federation Council . " Chakotay " reminds her that they are being recalled and will return to this sector in six months . Varn decides he would join immediately , over " Janeway ' s " cautions that he would have to invest significant resources , and she accepts his word for now . On the real " Voyager " , Paris and Neelix agonize over their experience . They can ' t find where they went wrong . Orphans are a common gambit , and they have dealt with shady characters before . They give up after a while , and decide to prove they ' ve still " got it . " They decide to " pluck a pigeon " with a good old fashioned shell game as The Doctor walks over . Tom shills for the game and Neelix shuffles the cups as best he can , but The Doctor does correctly identify where the nut is : in Neelix ' s left hand . As payment , Neelix has to work three shifts in sickbay . Meanwhile , Paris is immediately called away when Tuvok detects a vessel on long - range sensors which matches the warp signature of the impostors . Meanwhile , the impostors have pulled off another heist . Varn complains that the photon torpedo es they gave him don ' t work , and his enemies , the Polonian s , were also allowed to join . When " Tuvok " apologizes and suggests he send a petition to the Federation Council , Varn locks on to their ship and decides to take his reparations . As " Voyager " shows up , " Janeway " orders Varn to back off , since their mother ship has arrived to defend them . He complains to " Voyager " about his problems . When the real Janeway tries to explain how he ' s been tricked , he instead fires . " Voyager " destroys Varn ' s tractor beam , and Janeway orders Seven of Nine to transport everyone off that ship . She gets only Dala , and the impostors go to warp . " Voyager " leaves as well . Act Four . Dala now meets the real Captain Janeway in the brig . Janeway demands a list of people " Janeway " cheated . She refuses , so Janeway threatens to turn her over to the Telsian government . Tuvok – after a subtle suggestion by Janeway – explains his " research " indicates their justice system is cruel ; prisons are barely habitable , and many die before they get to trial . If , on the other hand , Dala makes full restitution , Janeway will let her go . Dala tries to leverage the fact that Janeway is the one with the problem , since it is her reputation who is marred . It doesn ' t work . Neelix shows up later with food , and tries to bring up Dala ' s guilt , and her life story . He explains he used to be a lot like her , but he was changed by Captain Janeway . She wanted commodities of hard work and loyalty , and he was willing to share them . Dala doesn ' t know what to do with her life , even if she could change . Neelix says he could talk to the captain and persuade her to let Dala become a part of her crew . Dala appears to believe him , but spills her tea , and knocks Neelix down and gets his phaser before he can get up , stunning him and the guard and escaping . She makes her way to the real " Delta Flyer " , and takes off . Security doesn ' t stop her , and the captain just watches her fly off . Act Five . Dala manages to rendezvous with her ship , but her crew are hesitant to beam her aboard ; she might have turned on them . She insists she hasn ' t , as Tom Paris comes out of hiding in the aft section and activates The Doctor with his mobile emitter . Once Dala is aboard , Paris takes control of the " Delta Flyer " , and fires a few shots . They shoot back , and leave to pick up their bolomite . When they plan on how to recover their cargo , it is clear her two comrades are suspicious of Dala ; she has changed . However , they all go down ( to keep an eye on each other ) , and put pattern enhancers on all of their stored booty . That ' s when Dala pulls a weapon on them , and informs Janeway she is in position . When they cannot transport her in time , she stuns Zar , and when she is shot by Mobar , it goes right through her holographic body . When Tuvok captures Mobar and Zar , Dala adjusts the holoemitter to recreate the features of The Doctor . Meanwhile , Paris on the " Delta Flyer " observes and guards the waking Dala . Back in the mess hall aboard Voyager , Neelix and Tom once again play their shell game with The Doctor . When he insists he ' s already proved they can ' t swindle him , they prove him wrong by getting him to suppose the nut is really up Neelix ' s right sleeve when in fact he has handed it off to Tom . Now that they ' ve finally succeeded at conning him , their confidence is restored that they ' ve still " got it . " Memorable quotes . " " Commander Tuvok . . . Logic would indicate that neither of us has the advantage . " " " " Your logic is flawed . " " " " Gentlemen . . . I believe you ' ve been had . " " " " Neelix , what has happened to us ? " " " " I know exactly what you mean ! I ' ve been over it a thousand times ! " " " " Why didn ' t we see this coming ? " " " " Orphans ! It ' s the oldest gambit in the book . " " " " I mean , if it ' d been Harry , I could understand it . He trusts everybody . But you and me ? " " " " Nice hair . " " " " It ' s not really my taste . " " " " Posing as a Starfleet captain , selling memberships to the Federation . Too bad we didn ' t think of it , Tuvok . Imagine the resources we could have acquired over the past six years . " " " " Tell her about your research , Mr . Tuvok . " " " " I beg your pardon , captain . " " " " On Telsian law . I think it ' s only fair that we let our guest know what to expect . " " " " The Telsian criminal justice system is rather barbaric . " " " " Tell her about the prisons . " " " " Barely habitable . Inmates often die of malnutrition before they are brought to trial . Torture is commonplace , as is disease , including several incurable forms of psoriasis . " " " " I think she gets the general idea . " " " " Psoriasis ! ? " " " " Improvisation is not foremost among my talents . " " " " Considering I caught you off guard , I thought your performance was exemplary . " " " " Thank you , captain . Was your order to contact the Telsians part of the deception , or did you actually want me to contact them ? " " " " Not yet . Let ' s give Dala some time to think about those barbaric prisons . " " " " Follow the tera nut if you can , but be careful , the hand is faster than the eye . " " " " Careful Doc ! Try not to blink . " " " " Don ' t worry Mr . Paris , you have to get up pretty early in the morning to fool my optical subroutines . " " " " Where is it then ? " " " " In your left palm . " " " " How did you . . " " " " Superior visual acuity . See you in sickbay . " " " " Computer , activate the sonic shower . " " " { The sonic shower activates , but creates a pitch - ascending ear - piercing shriek } " " " Ohhhh . . . Adjust the frequency . . . ! " " " { The sonic shower continues to get louder and its pitch rises } " " " Whoo ! Computer , deactivate the sonic shower ! " " " { the sonic shower continues and the bathroom mirror cracks } "