Journal of a Fallen Officer Content . It got the job done . That ' s what I told myself after a tough call , after a hard assignment . It may not have been by the book , but hey , nothing ever is . Little things at first , things I thought I ' d forget by the end of the week . A well - placed bribe here , a promise that my superiors would know nothing about . I kept slipping , and slipping , until I was telling myself that phrase every night . It got the job done . And who could really question my goals ? The House Redoran ' s Narcotics Oath - Bureau is one of the best forces for good Vvardenfell has to offer . What could be more noble ? We were cleaning up Vvardenfell , one arrest at a time . Anyone who went undercover knew the stakes , and they knew that our superiors were more apt to look the other way if the results were to their liking . Maybe that was my first mistake . Thinking no one was looking . The skooma ring I infiltrated was top priority . Skooma is nasty stuff , an opiate that causes hallucinations . Addictive , deadly , cheap , the drug ' s a powerful combination . Even the growth and sale of moon sugar is illegal on Vvardenfell ' s shores , for good reason . With such a high stakes case they decided to send their best officer , who at the time happened to be me . When an officer infiltrates a skooma ring there are the expectations , and then there ' s the reality . They can ' t avoid certain habits . Bribes are commonplace , extortion as well . No one talks about torture when you ' re signing up , but it happens . Deaths come with a bit of paperwork , but hey , who ' s going to mourn a dealer ? All of these you can learn to live with . It ' s what you eventually can ' t live without that eats you up . It shouldn ' t be surprising that few skooma rings accept members who don ' t use the product , at least occasionally . There ' s no bigger red flag than turning down an offered pipe , and in my line of work even the smallest of suspicions can lead to a quiet death in some dark alley . The case itself went off without a hitch . I did my usual reconnaissance , gained trust of those up top . Found out who was in charge and where trade was coming in . The case closed within three months , quicker than any other officer could have finished it . But not quick enough . I admit , I was hooked . It was an itch I couldn ' t scratch , a thought I couldn ' t drown out . I started drinking , thinking that would numb the withdrawal . But drink simply washed away my resolve , and eventually I was searching for dealers for a whole different reason . It was fine for a time . I was able to keep my dosages short , concealed my habit from those around me . It all fell apart when another officer brought in my dealer , and she was more than happy to talk . Not surprising , but I suppose addiction doesn ' t bring the clearest of mindsets . I was told I was lucky to be stripped of my rank and not thrown behind bars , but I ' m not one to lie down and accept my disgrace . I ' m nothing if not resourceful . I ' ve sobered up and smartened up , and now I ' m on a new mission . I ' ll win back my honor if it ' s the last thing I do , no matter the means .