Little Green Men ( episode ) A malfunction on Quark ' s new ship causes Quark , Rom , and Nog to crash in the year 1947 in Roswell , New Mexico . Summary . Teaser . A crowd has gathered at Quark ' s . Rom tells the assembled crowd that Nog will soon be heading off to Starfleet Academy , and , as is Ferengi tradition , is selling off his childhood possessions to raise capital . Rom encourages everyone to show their support , and kicks off the auction by volunteering to buy Nog ' s pajamas – which Nog says will cost him three strips of gold - pressed latinum . Rom , in typical Ferengi fashion , haggles his way down to two . Nog accepts , and encourages the crowd to buy their own keepsakes . Worf stands off to one side , and is approached by Miles O ' Brien , who is surprised to see him there . Worf explains it was a personal request of Sisko ' s , and says he seems to have taken some interest in the boy . The chief tells him that Sisko sponsored Nog ' s application to the Academy , and Worf says it just doesn ' t seem right : a Ferengi at the Academy . The chief comments that not so long ago , someone would have said the same about a Klingon at the Academy . Sisko comes up behind them and tells them to buy something before it is all gone . Despite his annoyance , Worf is quickly impressed with Nog ' s tooth sharpener after trying it and buys it to Nog ' s surprise . Quark walks into the bar and , looking irritated , walks over to Rom . Rom is surprised to see Quark , and tells him that if he hurries , there may still be some choice items left to buy . Quark tells him he ' s not there for the sale ; Nog has no place going off to the Academy , and Quark won ' t have any part of it . Quark tells Rom to come with him ; the sale is over , as far as Rom is concerned . The brothers ' cousin has finally made good on a 10 - year old promise and bought Quark a ship . Knowing Gaila , it is probably defective , so he wants Rom to check it out . Upon inspection , Rom finds the ship is in perfect shape , but Quark feels they need to take it on a shakedown cruise . Rom suggests Earth , and Quark says it is a wonderful idea . Rom runs off to tell Nog , and Quark says to himself that it will be a profitable trip . Act One . Quark makes arrangements with Morn to watch the bar while he ' s gone , and tells him to keep a close eye on Odo . Odo tells Quark Morn is a good choice , as long as he doesn ' t drink up all of the profits . Odo comments that it is nice of Quark to take Nog to Earth ; Quark remarks that he ' s a generous person . Jake and Nog are at their usual spot on the Promenade , when Julian Bashir and the chief walk up . They present Nog with a PADD containing all of Earth ' s customs , geography , history . . . everything he ' ll need to know to get by on Earth . Nog looks at them in surprise , and asks if it will tell him all he needs to know about attracting Human females ; they chuckle and say , " " Well , maybe not EVERYthing . " " Nog says his goodbyes to Bashir and the chief , and Jake offers to walk him to the airlock . He turns around one last time to look at the spot where he and Jake used to spend all their time hanging out on the Promenade . Jake says , " " That was a good spot . " " Nog replies , " " The best . " " Jake walks his friend to the airlock . In Ops , Dax tells Sisko and Kira Nerys that the Ferengi shuttle " Quark ' s Treasure " has just departed . Kira says she wouldn ' t want to be stuck on that shuttle with the three of them all the way to Earth ; Sisko says he ' s just worried that no one warned Earth they were coming . On the shuttle , Quark complains that the trip is taking too long , and Rom says not to worry ; he knows that kemocite is unstable , but another day or two won ' t make any difference . Quark feigns ignorance , but Rom knows all about the shipment of kemocite Quark is smuggling , and how dangerous and profitable it is , especially if they make a side trip to on the way back from Earth . Quark asks when he got so smart ; Rom tells him he ' s always been smart , he just lacks self - confidence . He could be convinced to forget what he knows . . . for 20 % of the profits . Quark rolls his eyes , and asks Nog if he wants a cut , too . Nog says that as a Starfleet cadet , he ' s sworn to report any violation of Federation law to his superiors – but he hasn ' t been sworn in yet . For 10 % , he ' ll keep quiet . Quark agrees , and tells Rom to push the shuttle faster . As they approach Earth , Nog comes in from the crew quarters , and asks if the picture of Gabriel Bell looks a lot like Sisko . Quark tells Rom to take the ship out of warp , and Rom says it is not responding ; the command sequencer has been disabled . Gaila found a way to sabotage the ship that Rom couldn ' t normally detect , and he can ' t shut it down . Rom says that if he can flood the cargo hold with plasma , its reaction with the kemocite should allow him to shut down the warp core , forcing them back into normal space . Quark says he ' s a genius . Rom asks if he really thinks so , and Quark replies he has no idea . . . he didn ' t understand a word he just said , but to do it anyway . Rom says he thinks he can get close enough to Earth to make an emergency landing . The ship streaks through space at high warp . . . and disappears . Quark wakes up and sits bolt upright , covered by a white sheet . He looks around , and sees Rom and Nog lying next to him in what appears to be a dark laboratory . They both appear to be dead . Outside the lab , a Human male dressed in a 1940s US Army officer uniform picks up an old - fashioned phone and tells the party on the other end to contact General Denning . . . one of the " Martian s " is awake . A calendar is hanging on the wall . . . it is an old Bettie Page - style pin - up calendar , set to July , 1947 . Act Two . A military base , 1947 – one man in a suit , a doctor , and several men and women in US military uniforms stand on the other side of a two - way mirror , watching Quark , Rom , and Nog interact with each other . They have the farmer who found the ship , and they ' ve convinced the " idiot in Roswell " who told the local paper they captured a flying saucer to issue a retraction . . . turns out , it was just a weather balloon . They ' re afraid that if word gets out that beings from another planet have landed on Earth , they ' ll create a nationwide panic . They ' re not telling anyone about the " Martians " until they know what they ' re up against . They turn on a speaker and hear the Ferengi speaking in their native language . Quark walks over to the door and tries to get it to open , but can ' t figure out how to use the door knob . The Humans watch this all with great interest . Inside the room , the Ferengi try to figure out where they are . They figure they must be on Earth , but they don ' t know where , except that it is not Starfleet Academy . Quark starts beating on the door , yelling at them to give him his ship back . The soldiers on the other side of the door pull their guns , thinking he ' s trying to escape . A female officer grabs the doctor ' s arm and tells him not to let the soldiers hurt Quark ; he ' s just scared . He tells the general they need to try and communicate with them ; the general tells him the President agrees . . . that ' s why he ' s here . Back inside the room , Quark is complaining that Earth was a bad idea , and that it is all Nog ' s fault because he insisted on joining Starfleet . Rom defends Nog , Quark yells at Rom , Nog yells at Quark , and Rom says maybe they ' re all dead , and this is the Divine Treasury , the Ferengi version of Heaven . Quark says that ' s not possible ; the Treasury is made of solid gold - pressed latinum , the Blessed Exchequer and the Celestial Auctioneer s are missing , and they should be bidding for new lives right now . Rom says maybe they ' re in the other place . . . Nog suggests the Vault of Eternal Destitution ? Quark scoffs and says that ' s impossible ; the bar was turning a profit . The door opens , and two armed men enter the room , followed by the female nurse , one of the officers , and the doctor . He tries to communicate with the Ferengi ; they don ' t understand a word he says . Rom figures their universal translator s must not be working , and they all three start hitting their heads , trying to reset the translators . The Humans think they must be some sort of greeting , and start hitting their heads in return . Quark looks at them in amazement ; Rom says maybe their universal translators are broken , too . Nog says they don ' t have universal translators ; he recognizes the uniforms from the PADD about Earth Bashir gave him back on Deep Space 9 . The uniforms are from the 20th century , one of Earth ' s old nation - state s , Australia , or something . They figure out they ' ve traveled back in time almost four hundred years . Rom asks if they don ' t have universal translators , then why are they banging their heads . Quark hits his head , and the Humans do it too . Quark repeats the action , and so do they . Quark figures out they are just mimicking the Ferengi . He says he never realized primitive Humans were so stupid . Nog says they were also violent , petty , bigoted , and selfish . Quark says , " " The three of us , and millions of primitive hew - mans . . . I like those odds . " " Act Three . The nurse takes Quark ' s blood pressure , and Quark asks for " oo - mox " in his native language . She has no idea what he says , of course . She smiles , and walks over to the doctor . She tells him she has run every test she can think of , and all she can tell him is , they ' re not Human . They watch Rom try to repair Nog ' s universal translator , and think they ' re involved in some kind of grooming ritual , like gorilla s . She correctly assumes they are father and son , and the doctor wonders if Quark is related somehow . She says for all they know , he could be the mother . The doctor says if that ' s true , Quark is quite a shrew . Rom figures out that the interference disrupting their translators is coming from beta radiation from nuclear fission . Quark tells him not to be an idiot ; fission doesn ' t happen within planetary atmospheres . Nog explains that here , it does . In the 20th century , Humans used crude fission reactors as weapons , calling them " atom bombs . " Quark can ' t believe how stupid the Humans are for polluting their own planet . Quark tells Rom to hurry up and fix the translators ; the sooner they start communicating with these " savages , " the better . Rom sees the female playing with a hairpin , and points at it . The man figures out that Rom wants it , and she gives it to him . Rom takes the hairpin and jabs it in Nog ' s ear , looking for the reset button on his translator . The Humans recoil , thinking it must hurt . The doctor lights up two cigarette s , one for him and one for her , and expresses dismay at not having enough help to try and communicate with the Ferengi , and the woman says she ' s sure he ' ll find a way . She can ' t wait to find out how much they can learn from the Ferengi ; how maybe , in a few years , Humans will have rocket ship s of their own and travel the galaxy , " exploring new worlds and new civilizations . " He chuckles , and says that she ' s a dreamer ; she replies , that ' s why you love me . He smiles , and says that here they are , in the middle of one of the biggest discoveries in Human history , and all he can think about is how she ' ll look in her wedding dress . She smiles bashfully and says her mother keeps asking where they ' re going on their honeymoon ; she thinks they should go to Niagara Falls . He says who knows . . . maybe we ' ll go to Mars . Quark notices the smell from the cigarettes burning , and Nog tells him about tobacco , how poison ous and addictive it is . Rom asks where they get it ; Nog tells them it is readily available in stores . Quark is amazed ; he says if they ' ll buy poison , they ' ll buy anything . Nog says he hopes he wouldn ' t do anything to disrupt the timeline ; they could all cease to exist . In the hangar , the soldiers are examining the ship , but they can ' t make heads or tails to how it runs . The doctor is out for a stroll , and he kneels down to pet a German Shepherd . The general asks him if they ' ve made any progress . The doctor says he would think that creatures as technologically advanced as they seem to be would communicate telepathically , but they seem to have a developed language . He says , in time , a team of linguists should be able to figure it out . The captain says no one else is getting called in on the project there is already too many people who know about the Ferengi . The general says that president Truman is an impatient man and wants answers , and he wants them now . The nurse comes outside , and tells them they need to get in there , now . They come inside , and the dog follows them in . Quark announces , so that they understand , that he is Quark , the chief financial officer of the Ferengi Alliance , and he has a business proposition for them . Act Four . The general looks in Quark ' s ear with a flashlight and says he sees no universal translator ; Quark says trust me , it is in there . The general asks how it works , and Quark says it is simple , if you know how . Anything is possible with advanced technology . In typical Ferengi fashion he then goes into his sales pitch : he is there to open up a market for advanced Ferengi technology with the people of 20th century Earth . Ships , transporter s , medicine , replicator s , weapons , are all available in exchange for gold . The general says Quark reminds him of his brother - in - law . . . a used car salesman , and not a very good one . Bottom line : he doesn ' t trust him . Quark threatens to take his " business " to the Russian s , and the general doesn ' t like that . He says he ' ll have to get clearance from the president . Quark agrees , and offers some free advice : stop poisoning themselves with tobacco and atom bombs . . . they ' ll kill you . The general asks what he knows about atom bombs , and Quark says Ferengi have been watching Earth for years , and know all about Humans : baseball , root beer , darts , and atom bombs . . . quite a fascinating culture . He tells the general to go talk to the president . Rom and Nog are talking to the doctor and his fiancée , telling them all about Ferenginar . The German Shepherd is sitting on the counter . Rom has just told the doctor that women on Ferenginar go around naked , and it is the law ; Nurse Garland tells them she ' s never visiting there , and neither is he . Nog manipulates Garland into innocently giving him " oo - mox " . Quark comes back to the room , and Rom asks how his meeting with the general went . He gets Nurse Garland and the doctor to leave the room , and tells them everything is fine . The German Shepherd barks at Quark , and he complains that the Humans forgot to take it with them . It runs over to him and puts its front paws on his shoulders . The German Shepherd morphs into Odo , who tells him he is placing Quark under arrest for attempting to smuggle kemocite . He tells them he hid on board the ship , which is in a hangar on the other side of the base . It is damaged , but the engines are functional . They can use it to get away from the base . Nog says that they ' ll be stuck four hundred years in the past . Rom tells them all that if there is enough kemocite left , and if he can find a powerful enough energy source , he might be able to get them home , to their time . Odo asks what kind of energy source , but Quark interrupts , and tells them all they ' re not going anywhere , that inside a year , they ' ll be running the whole place . The Humans here are cruel , gullible , and greedy . . . and he can manipulate them . Once they run the whole planet , they ' ll contact the Ferengi of this time and sell them their ship . Ferengi will have warp drive before any other power in the quadrant , and set up a financial empire the likes of which even Grand Nagus Zek couldn ' t dream of . . . and Quark can run it all . Odo says he has a very vivid imagination , but the only place they ' re going is back to their own time . He ' ll have the ship ready in six hours . . . and they ' re all going to be on it . Quark says he ' s not going back , and neither is his ship . Odo says we ' ll see about that . He morphs back into a dog and waits by the door . Outside , the captain is pacing by the door when the general pulls up . He tells the captain the president said no deal , not until they know more about the aliens . The captain says he ' ll find out , and the general gives his okay . The captain goes inside the building . Inside , Quark is trying to convince Rom and Nog to stay , but they want to go . Six MPs enter the room , three with pistols drawn . The other three put bags over the Ferengi ' s heads , and escort them none too gently from the room . They are tied to chairs , and the captain begins to interrogate Quark . He tells them if they don ' t let him go , he ' ll take his business to the Russians . The captain says that ' s a good place to start . . . tell us what you know about the Russians . Nurse Garland walks up to Quark with a syringe full of liquid , and Quark realizes he ' s in a lot more trouble than he thought . Act Five . Nurse Garland sticks the needle in Quark ' s arm and he starts to scream . After five injections of Sodium Pentathol , she tells the captain it is not working . She tells the captain it is wrong ; " " these people are our guests " " . The captain says they ' re not people , they ' re things , invaders from another world , and it is up to them to put an end to whatever the Ferengi might be planning . He grabs a scalpel and threatens to cut Quark open if he doesn ' t tell him what he wants to hear . Nog asks if there are laws against this kind of thing ; the captain tells him not when it comes to national security . He threatens each of them in turn , until Rom breaks , and tells them it was an accident , that they never meant to come to Earth in the 1940s , and they ' re from the future , all the while , crying for his moogie . Nog tells the captain what he wants to hear , saying that they ' re the advance scouts for the Ferengi invasion fleet , confirming the captain ' s fears . He tells the " puny Earthlings " that they have been studying them for centuries , and they are ripe for conquest . He calls Quark the " Supreme Commander " and tells the Humans that three hundred " Marauder " - class attack cruisers are orbiting the planet , preparing to attack . Quark tries to convince them they just want to sell them things , and the doctor says he doesn ' t believe the invasion story , all while Rom is crying for his moogie . Nog keeps up the invasion story , telling them that when the appointed hour arrives , the ships will decloak and begin transporting Klingon shock troops directly to the landing zone . . . killing all the males , and taking all the females to mate with . The captain asks where the landing zone is ; Nog will show him on the map if he unties him . One of the MPs unties Nog , and the other goes to get the general . Nog points to the Great Lakes area , saying the first landing parties will invade here . The captain leans over to get a closer look at the map , and Nog hits him in the stomach and over the head , causing him to drop his M1911 . The MP pulls his M1911 , and Nurse Garland tells him not to hurt Nog . Nog says it was an accident , he didn ' t mean to hit the captain , he tripped . The captain tells the MP to shoot Nog , but the doctor takes out the MP before he can fire . Nurse Garland hits the captain over the head with a tray and unties Quark . They tell the Ferengi they are helping them escape , and Rom asks if they ' ll get in trouble . Quark says of course not , since they forced the Humans to help them using . . . Nurse Garland fills in the blank : " your insidious mind control powers . " Quark compliments her on her quick thinking , and they make their way to the ship . The general and two MPs stop them . Quark grabs Nurse Garland and points his finger at her , telling them he ' ll disintegrate the hostage with his " death ray . " The general says it looks a lot like a finger to him . With the distraction , Odo shape - shifts out of a nearby truck and takes out the two MPs and the general . They commandeer a Jeep and get to the hangar . The doctor tells them an atomic blast will occur in seven minutes . Quark thanks the two " hew - mans , " and Nurse Garland says that she only hopes one day man can travel the stars and take its place among a vast alliance of planets . Rom corrects her : " " Federation . " " Quark stops him from explaining further , saying that he is an idiot . The Ferengi get in their ship and take off . The captain gets to the general and asks " " What do we do now ? " " The general says " " About what , captain ? All we ever found was a crashed weather balloon . " " Rom tells them all they have to do is fly directly into the atomic blast and expose the kemocite to the beta radiation , and it will cause a reverse time warp that they can just ride home . Odo tells Quark if it doesn ' t work , he ' ll hold him personally responsible . At the target site , the bomb goes off , and the ship gets buffeted by the explosion . The ship materializes in Earth orbit back in their own time . Back on DS9 , Quark tells Rom he could have ruled the galaxy , and now he has nothing , not even a shuttle . Rom reminds him he still has the bar , and at least he got enough from selling the shuttle for salvage to book them passage home . Odo grabs Quark and tells him he ' s under arrest for kemocite smuggling ; Quark tells him he has no evidence , since they used up all the kemocite getting back to the 24th century . Odo tells him to tell it to the arbiter . Quark tells Rom to get him out of this ; Rom says he ' ll contact cousin Gaila ; he ' s sure to know a good lawyer . Memorable quotes . " " They irradiated their own planet " ? ! " " " If Nog says so they did . He knows all about Earth history " . " " " You better fix those translators fast . The sooner we start talking to these savages the better off we ' ll be " . " " " Ferengi at the Academy . . . I am not sure that is wise . " " " " Oh , I don ' t know about that . . . not so long ago , someone might ' ve said the same thing about you . " " " " Quark , Rom , and Nog , together on that ship , all the way to Earth . . . glad " I ' m " not going with them . . . " " " " Only thing that worries me . . . no one warned Earth that they ' re coming ! " " " " Rom , you ' re a genius ! " " " " Think so ? " " " " How should I know ? ! I have no idea what you ' re talking about ! Just do it ! " " " " I ' d always heard primitive hew - mons lacked intelligence , but I had no idea they were " this " stupid ! " " " " They weren ' t just stupid . They were violent , petty , bigoted , and selfish . " " " " If they ' ll buy poison , they ' ll buy anything ! " " " " Imagine the possibilities . Who knows what they could teach us ? A few years from now , mankind could have rocket ships of our own . We could travel the galaxy , exploring new worlds and new civilizations . " " " " We ' re helpless ! We ' re harmless ! We just want to sell you things ! " " " " I only hope that one day mankind will travel to the stars and take its place in a vast alliance of planets . " " " " Fe - e - ederation , of planets . " " " " Excuse me ? " " " " Don ' t listen to him , he ' s an idiot " . " " " The first landing parties will arrive here . " " " " Where ? " " " " Here , right by this blue blob . " " " " You mean your people are going to invade . . . Cleveland ? " " " " I know everything about you people . . . baseball , root beer , darts . . . atom bombs . " " " " For a primitive female , she ' s pretty smart ! " " Links and references . References . . 45 automatic ; addiction ; Alpha Quadrant ; American ; Arbiter ; atmosphere ; atomic bomb ; attack cruiser ; Australian ; automobile ; Bajoran transport ; baseball ; ; Bell Riots ; beta radiation ; biochemistry ; Blessed Exchequer ; BOQ ; brother - in - law ; cadet ; ' ; captain ; Celestial Auctioneer s ; chewstick ; chief financial officer ; Cleveland ; cloaking device ; command sequencer ; credit ; dabo girl ; darts ; death ray ; Democrat ; Denning ' s brother - in - law ; Divine Treasury ; dilithium ; disruptor ; dollar ; dom - jot ; Earth ; Earth Cold War ; Earth Orbital Control ; eye chart ; farmer ; Federation ; Federation law ; Ferengi ; Ferengi Alliance ; Ferengi history ; Ferengi language ; Ferengi shuttle ; Ferenginar ; flying saucer ; ; general ; German Shepherd ; going - away present ; gold ; Grand Nagus ; gree - worm ; grooming ritual ; guidebook ; hairpin ; Hangar 18 ; ; holding cell ; holosuite ; Human s ; Human history ; impulse engine s ; Interface ; internal organ ; ionic interference ; Ishka ; isolinear rod ; Jeep ; kemacite ; Klingon s ; Klingon shock troops ; landing zone ; latinum ; lawyer ; linguist ; M1 Garand ; ; Mars ; Martian s ; Milky Way Galaxy ; money ; Moogie ; Nevada ; New Mexico ; Niagara Falls ; nuclear fission ; nuclear reactor ; oo - mox ; ; PADD ; photon torpedo ; phaser ; piano ; poison ; President of the United States ; Promenade ; Post - Modern Reformism ; proving ground ; quantum torpedo ; Quark ' s ; " Quark ' s Treasure " ; racket ; replicator ; reporter ; retirement ; retraction ; rocket ship ; Romulan interceptor ; root beer ; Roswell ; Roswell Incident ; Rules of Acquisition ; Russia ns ; San Francisco ; Sanctuary District A ; smoking ; Sodium Pentathol ; Sol system ; solar flare ; sponsor ; springball ; Starfleet ; Starfleet Academy ; subspace continuum ; Supreme Commander ; technology ; telepathy ; telephone ; temporal surge ; time warp ; tobacco ; tooth sharpener ; transporter ; ; United States Army Air Forces ; United States Government ; United States of America ; universal translator ; Vault of Eternal Destitution ; ' ; Vulcan ; warp drive ; warp core ; waste extraction ; weather balloon ; wedding dress ; Zek