Withershins ( Book ) Contents . " All right , " said Kazagha . " Why don ' t you want to talk ? " Zaki put down his mug of mead and just stared at his wife for a few seconds . Finally , grudgingly : " Because every time I have a conversation , darling , it flows in alphabetical order . Just like I told you . I think the only way to stop it is not to talk at all . " " Couldn ' t you just be imagining this ? " said Kazagha patiently . " It wouldn ' t be the first time you had an insane paranoid delusion . Remember when you thought the royal battlemage of Black Marsh was hiding behind every tree with lewd intent , intent on making you - - a middle - aged , fat , balding tailor - - into his personal sex slave ? You don ' t need to be ashamed , but it ' s Sheogorath ' s way to make us all a little crazy sometimes . If you go to the healer - - " " Damn it , Kazagha ! " snarled Zaki and stomped out , slamming the door behind him . He nearly collided with Siyasat , his neighbor . " Excuse me , " she said to Zaki ' s back . He clamped his hands over his ears as he stormed down the street , turning the corner to his tailor shop . His first customer was waiting out front , smiling widely . Zaki tried to keep his temper under control and took out his keys , returning the customer ' s smile . " Fine day , " said the young man . " Gods ! " hollered Zaki , sending the young man flying with a well - placed punch , and dashing away . As much as he hated to admit that Kazagha was right , it was evidently time , once again , for one of the healer ' s herbal cocktails . Tarsu ' s temple to health , mental and physical , was several streets north , an impressive obelisk . Halqa , the chief herbalist , met him before he came in the hall . " How are you today , Sa ' Zaki Saf ? " " I need to make an appointment with Tarsu , " said Zaki in his calmest voice . " Just one moment , let me see how his schedule looks . " Halqa said , looking over a scroll . " Is this an emergency ? " " Kind of , " said Zaki , and slapped his head . Why couldn ' t he say yes , or absolutely , or sure ? " Let ' s see , " said Halqa , frowning . " The best I can do is next Middas . Would that work for you ? " " Middas ! " cried Zaki . " I ' ll be a complete psychotic by Middas . Isn ' t there anything earlier ? " He knew what the answer would be before she said it . There was no alternative . In a way , he had forced the response . If only he had kept the conversation going until " Y . " " No , " said Halqa . " I ' m sorry . Do you want me to make the appointment - - ? " Zaki walked away , gritting his teeth . He wandered the streets , his head down to avoid all conversations , until he looked up and discovered that he had walked all the way to the wharf . A sweet breeze was blowing along the water and he took several deep breaths until he felt almost normal . When his temper cooled , he could think again . What if this alphabetical conversation wasn ' t a delusion at all ? What if what he felt wasn ' t paranoia , but acute awareness ? He knew it was the classic dilemma : am I crazy or is there really something weird going on ? Across the road was a shop called ParaDocks , featuring a display of herbs , crystals , and vapors trapped in orbs . The sign in the window read " Mystical Consultation sunrise to noon . " It was worth a shot , though Zaki was dubious . The only people who generally came down the wharf for healing were stupid adventurers who didn ' t know any better . Incense burned in copious billows of pink and gold , obscuring and then revealing the clutter within . Jijjic death masks glowered down from the walls , smoking censors hung by chains from the ceiling , and the floor was a maze of bookshelves . At a wellworn table in the back a small man wearing a headress was tabulating a young lady ' s purchases . " Okay , " said the man . " Your total comes to fifty - seven gold pieces . I threw in the restorative scale conditioner for free . Just remember , the candle should be lit only after you invoke Goroflox The Unholy , and mandrake root does best in partial shade . " The customer gave a quick , shy smile to Zaki and left the store . " Please help me , " said Zaki . " Every conversation I hear or get involved in seems to be arranged alphabetically . I don ' t know if I ' m going insane or if there are some kind of bizarre forces at work . To be honest with you , I ' m normally a skeptic when it comes to your type of business , but I ' m at the end of my rope . Can you do anything to make this madness end ? " " Quite a common problem , actually , " said the man , patting Zaki on the arm . " When you get to the end of the alphabet , do conversations then go to reverse alphabetical order or start at the beginning of the alphabet ? " " Reverse alphabetical order , " said Zaki , and then corrected himself . " Damn it ! I mean , it starts from the beginning , all over again . I ' m in agony . Can you call on the spirits and tell me , am I insane ? " " Sauriki , " said the man with a reassuring smile . " I don ' t have to . You ' re quite sane . " " Thank you , " said Zaki , frowning . " By the way , my name ' s Zaki , not Sauriki . " " Unusually close , eh ? " said the man , patting Zaki on the back . " My name ' s Octoplasm . Follow me , please . I think I have just what you need . " Octoplasm lead Zaki down the narrow corridor behind the desk . The two men pushed past dusty cabinets filled with strange creatures in liquids , past heaps of neolithic stones , past stack after stack of moldering leather - bound books , into the dank heart of the store . There he picked up a small , squat cylindrical drum and a book , and handed them to Zaki . " ' Vampirism , Daedric Possession , and Withershin Therapy , ' " said Zaki , squinting his eyes to read the book in the gloom . " What in Oblivion does this have to do with me ? I ' m not a vampire , look at this tan . And what ' s Withershin Therapy , and how much will it cost me ? " " Withershins , from the Old Cyrodilic withersynes , which means backwards , " said Octoplasm in a serious tone . " It ' s the art of reversing the direction of things in order to gain access to the spirit world , and break curses , cure vampirism , and trigger all manners of apotropaic healing . You know the story about the guy who was told that slaughterfish live in hot water , so he said , ' Well , let ' s boil them in cold water ' ? " " Xenophus , " said Zaki instinctively , his brother having taken a rather esoteric upper level course in Cyrodilic philosophy as an elective in at the Imperial College thirty - one years before , and immediately wishing he hadn ' t . " And what do you do with the cylindrical thingy ? " Octoplasm lit a candle and held the object over it so Zaki could see more clearly . All along the cylinder were narrow slits and when Zaki peered within them , he saw a succession of old black and white drawings of a naked man leaping over boxes , one frame after the next . " You spin it like so , " said Octoplasm , slowly whirling the device clockwise so the man within leapt over the boxes over and over again . " It ' s called a zoetrope . Pretty neat , eh ? Now , you take it and start spinning it counterclockwise , and while you ' re doing it , read this incantation I ' ve marked in the book . " Zaki took the zoetrope and began spinning it counterclockwise over the candle , so the little naked man within seemed to bound backwards over the boxes . It took a little coordination and concentration to keep whirling at a steady pace , but gradually the man ' s awkward and jerky backjumps became more and more fluid until Zaki could no longer see the individual frames flipping . It looked just like a little humanoid hamster on an endless reverse treadmill . While he continued to spin the zoetrope with one hand , Zaki took the book in the other and read the underlined passage . " Zoetrope counter - spin , counter - spin , counter - spin / Pull my life from the rut that it ' s in / I invoke the Goddesses Boethiah , Kynareth , and Drisis / To invert my potentially metaphysical crisis / My old life may have been rather pointless and plain / But I dislike the prospect of going insane / Make the pattern reverse by this withershin / Zoetrope , counter - spin , counter - spin , counter - spin . " As he chanted the spell , Zaki noticed that the little naked man in the zoetrope began to look more like himself . The moustache vanished , and the hairline receded . The man ' s waistline expanded , and the buttocks sagged to the shape and texture of half - inflated balloons . Scales approximating his own Argonian pattern appeared . The man began to trip as he bounded backwards over the boxes , taking bigger breaths and sweating . By the time Zaki reached the end of the incantation , his twin was clutching his chest and tumbling end - over - end over the boxes in a free - fall . Octoplasm took the zoetrope and the book from Zaki ' s hands . Nothing seemed to have changed . No thunder had rumbled . No winged serpents had sprung out of Zaki ' s head . No fiery explosions . But Zaki felt that something was different . Good different . Normal . At the counter , when Zaki pulled out his satchel of gold pieces , Octoplasm merely shook his head : " Are treatment radical such of effects term long the what sure be can ' t we , naturally . Charge no . " Feeling the first real relief he had felt in days , Zaki walked backwards out of the shop and down the road to his shop .