Ongoing Journal of Galur Rithari Content . I once possessed a life of highest esteem . As a prominent champion of the Buoyant Armigers I brought prominence to my family and respect to my name . I expected to live out my days in service to Lord Vivec and the Tribunal without want or regret . I foresaw a glorious end for myself . An honorable death , fit for song , earned on the field of battle . How wrong I was . With all that was known of Bal Ur , I should have expected our enemy to move quickly on what would be my final post . The vampires of Clan Aundae were aggressively seeking to reclaim locations important to their vampire heritage . They came upon us without making a sound , slaying most of the unsuspecting warriors under my command before any blades were drawn . My response was lacking and I have the blood of many respected Armigers on my hands because of it . Outnumbered and isolated , I yielded to my foe . The creature dressed like a gentleman , and I hoped for honorable treatment . I found myself a feast for a blood - drinking monster . Days passed in the depths of Bal Ur and in my dying delirium I began to dream . At first it was divine . I felt the warm coastal breeze of Vivec City unblemished by the shadow of Baar Dau . Love and kindness surrounded me as I saw the radiant visage of Lord Vivec approaching . I felt forgiveness , and peace , but as Vivec grew closer he twisted into something truly putrid , something vile beyond words . I soon recognized the sight of Molag Bal ' s pitiless grin before the Daedric Prince ' s fangs plunged into my heart . In my fright , I woke , shivering and colder than death , but it was the absence of thunder in my chest that revealed my affliction . My disease . Shamed by my corruption , and despairing of my own welfare , I passively acquiesced in my gradual integration into the affairs of Clan Aundae . I made no human my prey , only beasts , and kept myself apart from the other clankin ; nonetheless , I abandoned hope and lived like a beast . Now , I find myself searching for some respite from this thirst . I must feast on the life blood of mortals to sate this gnawing agony , but to condemn another innocent to death , or worse . I would sooner leap into the flames of Red Mountain . Still , I am uncertain how long my self - loathing can hold back this need . Things cannot continue as they have . I have to do something . But what ? Ashalmawia . My clankin murmur disapproval of the Worm Cult ' s claim over the ruin . They speak of rituals and offerings made to the shrine for the favor of the Lord of Troubles . I share my kin ' s disgust at these acts , but for very different reasons . I volunteered to keep watch over Ashalmawia and slipped away from Clan Aundae with barely an acknowledgment . I must not become used to this . It is easy to think of these cultists as vermin , but I am no less a monster for having slain them . Their blood is a balm , dispelling my agony leaving in its place vigor and bliss . Only in the aftermath do I find the presence of mind to revile what I have done . If I meet my end in this place , I will have deserved it . No , it would be more fitting for this wretched existence to be extinguished where it began . In this torment , my thoughts always return to Bal Ur . Perhaps I should as well .