Confessions of a Thief Content . I ' m a thief . Now , don ' t get me wrong . I ain ' t saying this out of pride , but I ain ' t ashamed of my occupation neither . Thieves got a perfect right to exist in the Empire . People say we ' re dishonest . Of course , those people are usually either merchants or priests , which really slays me . Sort of the snake calling the worm legless . Rulers like us . Crime in moderation is good for the economy . The trick is to keep it at a good even pace , with a well timed lull and a minor wave to keep the fat bottoms from becoming complacent . Of course , stupid , but talented thieves will keep stealing , empty their pockets , and steal some more . This ain ' t good for no one . That ' s where the guilds come in . A thieves guild is what they call a crime regulator . We protect each other and punish the clumsy and greedy . The kings depend on us to keep the amateurs out of business . Yeah , occasionally , a king will come down on us . I ' ve even seen my Thieves Guildmaster get himself stuck in prison once or twice . Some cohort of mine said her first Guildmaster got himself hanged . Then the Thieves Guild has to get foul on the king , and , let someone who knows tell you , the results ain ' t pretty . I got into the guild , the way I ' ve seen most thieves do it . It was a few years back , when that bully Jagar Tharn was sitting on the throne only everyone thought he was the Emperor . My parents farm turned into eight acres of dust and rock , and they threw me and my brothers out . I was always a skinny thing , but by the time I made it to the closest town , I was a good deal more skinnier . Just cause the town had some dirt that plants could grow on didn ' t make them that much richer than my folks were . I tried to get all kinds of jobs , but the hungrier and more raggedier I got , the quicker anyone who might have work would kick me out . When the rainy season finally came , it came like a sea , and I didn ' t have nowhere to stay . Lucky I found the unlocked cellar door . Turns out that the owners of the house slept like old dogs , cause I robbed them blind ( and tripped into things like I was the blind one ) and they never woke up . I sold all the stuff at a dirty pawners I knew and spent the next two days living like a potentate . Then I got my first visit from the local thieves guild . I remember what the guy looked like , but not exactly what he said . Something like , " Hey , kid , if you want to steal in these parts , you ' re going to have to join the Guild . Otherwise , I or someone like me is going to break your skinny arms so you can ' t steal . " I ' ve known some people who ' ve refused membership in the Guild and kept on stealing anyhow . I ' ve broken one of their arms . As for me , this was the first offer I ' d had for a career since my pa told me that if I didn ' t milk the cow , he ' d rip my head off . In comparison , this guy at the tavern was almost a gentleman . I agreed right away . Sure , I had to prove my worth to the Guild before I could join and even now . But having two working arms is only part of the benefit . They trained me , taught me , and kept me out of prison . How many other guilds can boast a forgery expert on the premises ? So the next time you ' re calling some swindling merchant or usurious priest a thief , think about it . There is honor among thieves - - I should know .