Fools ' Ebony , Book II Summary . This book is part of a six part series on Fools ' Ebony , as follows : Content . Bearing Mostly on Fools ' Ebony and Temples Same place , same Inn , A bottle or two later . Enter Prologue , the Adventurer , and Lheben PROLOGUE : Little has occurred so far in our comedic drama . The Adventurer , our Dark Elf rascal , has bought drinks for two priests of Akatosh . All have drunk considerably . One of the priests has rushed off in pursuit of his lamp girl . And , unless I ' ve forgotten something or something happened when I was paying attention to something else , that ' s a complete synopsis of Part the Oneth . Ah , here come two more priests . Humble Prologue must depart . RAIC : Evening Lheban ! Evening stranger . My fellow priest here is Stete , I am Raic . We are honored to serve Julianos . ADVENTURER : What is this , anyway - Priests night out ? And . . . I thought that your Temples - Akatosh , Julianos , the rest . . . I thought them all cut - throat competitors . In theology and gold , if you will forgive my bluntness . Yet you all seem the best of friends . . ? Come to think of it , didn ' t I have words with Stete earlier , you said you were of The Temple of Stendarr ? RAIC : A common misconception , friend . . . LHEBAN : . . . but one that we . . . encourage . . . RAIC : Really , we all work together closely , move between the Temples as needs dictate . . . LHEBAN : . . . exchange information . . . RAIC : . . . share funds . . . STETE : . . . swap our sisters . . . PROLOGUE : Sorry to interrupt the merry slapstick , but I neglected to mention earlier that the Fools ' Gold saga — if that is the word — contains gratuitous reference to priestly misdeeds and sexual excess . I hope those of you in the audience of peevish , prudish , sullen , frumpy , or grumpy demeanors are not offended . Now then , on with the entertainment . LHEBAN : . . . and all that . . . RAIC : But it helps in our . . . holy work , if we are perceived as separate and , uh , competitive . . . LHEBAN : Mind you , there are one or two , er . . . religious organizations . . . well , sort of . . . that we do not have anything to do with . . . RAIC : Nothing at all , nothing at all . . . animals , just animals . . . ADVENTURER : Such as . . ? LHEBAN : Weeell — the Dark Brotherhood for one . . . nasty bunch of thugs . . . and then there ' s the Afterdark Society . . . This fellow , seems a decent sort of chap . . . seems to know something about Mages and Fools ' Ebony . . . RAIC : ( aside to Lheban ) Really now . . . how interesting . . . ( to all ) Hey fellow , have another bottle — this will bless you throat . My , my , yes indeed it will . . . ADVENTURER : Thanks Raic , don ' t mind a bit . . . LHEBAN : But let me continue — I was explaining about this Fools ' Ebony to you . . . RAIC : Yes , Fools ' Ebony . . . LHEBAN : Well . Fools ' Ebony now . Well , you know about ordinary Ebony , how it ' s rare , only some dwarven clans dig it and sell it . And not too many , these days and times . . . STETE : How ' s that popular song go . . ? ( singing ) Where have all the Old Dwarves gone , Long time ago . . . LHEBAN : There ' s a pile of real ebony up in the Wrothgarians somewhere north , I hear tell . You know how that dullish black ebony gets worked over by Mages , by some skilled armorers , made into all kinds of potent weapons , amulets , belts , what have you . All fetch a huge price , when you can find any . And how the best was made long ago , by those old dwarves . . . LHEBAN : Oh my ! Oh , my apologies , friend , Sir ! I see you have — what ' s that ? An ebony torc ? Oh my , and an ebony katana ! Oh My ! Oh My , My ! So , of course , you know all that , sir . ADVENTURER : Oh , that ' s all right , you didn ' t know . Here , have another bottle . . . LHEBAN : Many thanks , kind Sir . Well , then you know how every adventurer , even snotty kids , all the dungeon - delvers , are always looking for ebony artifacts , weapons , whatnot . But what you may not know , some of the more experienced delvers hunt for raw ebony lodes , piles , dwarven leavings . That stuff , the raw ebony , is far more valuable . ADVENTURER : The raw unshaped material that provides work . . . and power . . . for so few ? Apparently just loaded with negative magicka ? RAIC : Right , right ! LHEBAN : Yes , right so ! Quite so ! Well , Fools ' Ebony now . Looks just about like the real raw stuff . Runs in veins in the deep rocks . Feels the same , smells almost the same . But the big difference : it ' s not real ebony . No power at all . If you pick some up , it gets your hands a bit dirty . Softer too , by all accounts . But sort of shiny too . But who can tell all that , deep in some old mine , maybe a ghoul breathing down your neck ! So it ' s just grab and run , I guess , down in those nasty holes . So the fools , the kids , the crazy delvers , are always hauling up a bag , a sack , of Fools ' Ebony . And getting laughed at by the merchants , dealers , mages , us . . . hence the Fools ' part . Stuff just gets thrown into the Bay . . . ADVENTURER : Yeah , that ' s sort of what I . . . er . . . heard from some Mages . But I heard something else , too . . . LHEBAN : And just what was that , friend . . . if you want to tell us , of course . . . Sir . ADVENTURER : Oh , of course ! I think that we can come to . . . er . . . an arrangement ? LHEBAN and RAIC ( Together ) : Certainly , Oh Yes ! ADVENTURER : So , yeah , so these mages — Shub and Shub , they are always called Shub , aren ' t they ? - - anyway , these old guys were saying how this Fools ' Ebony can burn . Not magically , but like an ordinary piece of wood . But the flame lasts far longer , gives off lots more heat , makes no smoke to speak of , no noise . . . very interesting . . . Mages were saying as how the alchemists want it , to heat the retort s and flasks . . . How the Mages Guild wants it , to make and sell . . . er . . . fake amulets and the like . . . rotten trick that ! And especially the Armorers , they want it bad , for their forges , I guess . And the Alchemists , for their alembic s . . . LHEBAN : Precisely my information ! Now . . . gets cold up here in the winter , doesn ' t it ? And everyone is cutting down all those trees , making siege engines , boats , all that evil war machinery ! All those rich royals and merchants got to heat their great big piles of homes . So their Contessas can run around in next to nothing , instead of furs . . . STETE : . . . just like my sister . . . ADVENTURER : All those armorers got to keep their hearths and furnaces running . . . LHEBAN : . . . All the Mages got to keep their familiars warm . . . RAIC : . . . All those royals got to keep the contessas running . . . LHEBAN : . . . All those peasants got to keep their animals warm . . . ADVENTURER : And To Sheogorath with the wife and kids , right ? Ha ! And , I guess , its sort of hard for you Priests to give blessings and cures , when your fingers are all cold and stiff . . ? Makes getting corks out a tad hard , to say nothing of opening those little twists of parchment . . ? RAIC : You speak truly , indeed ! LHEBAN : A man of wisdom , indeed ! Yes ! ADVENTURER : So , where do we find this Fools ' Ebony — in quantity ? LHEBAN : You put your finger ( you have six , I note — oh , excuse me , Sir ) on the crux of the matter . I have heard rumors , just rumors , mind you , that there are huge enormous veins of this stuff , at one place on the surface , far up in the Wrothgarians . Bad , bad place to go . But , if you can get there and back , cartloads of the stuff ! ADVENTURER : That ' s just what I overheard from those Mages — far up there in the Wrothgarians — orcs , dragonling s , daedra , Sheogorath only knows what . . . Those Mages seemed to know the spot , though . Mages wanted someone to . . . RAIC : You didn ' t . . . talk . . . to the Mages . I mean , you haven ' t . . . ADVENTURER : Oh no . They didn ' t even know I was there . . . ( aside ) Not yet , anyway . . . LHEBAN : Good , good - can ' t trust those Mages , you know . . . old fossils would turn their own mothers into sludge - toads , just for a bit of gold ! Gold - mad , power - mad , Mad - mad , the whole rotten lot of them ! But then they don ' t have mothers ! RAIC : Excellent . Seems to me , friend — or , can we call you partner ? Yes ? Excellent . Seems time , partner , that my brother priests and you should do some digging and poking around - see if we can get to those veins , those deposits , eh ! ADVENTURER : Yes indeed , partners ! But it would cost a fair pile of gold to get up there — weapons , spells , women , clothing , carts and horses , women , food , potions . . . Best go well - prepared , up there . LHEBAN : No problem , partner . Our Temples have . . . certain resources , such that if we were guaranteed . . . sole access , sole knowledge of the location , then we could finance someone . . . someone with the requisite skills , such as yourself ? Just by happenstance , I am Keeper of the Books . . . you see the opportunity ? ADVENTURER : Oh yes ! Oh yes ! Well — lets split a last bottle , and shake on an agreement ? LHEBAN : Indeed , let us ! We first need information — who knows about the site up there , where it is , how to reach it . . . Why don ' t we meet back here in , say , a week , to the hour . And see what we can learn , meanwhile ? RAIC : We need to find a merchant , too . Someone who can handle it for us . . . warehouses , distribution . . . LHEBAN : And keep a shut mouth ! ADVENTURER : I ' ll make some inquiries about merchants . . . got a contact or two . . . Trouble is — well , you know how these things go — few golds here , few there , before you know it you ' ve bribed half the town , or so it seems . Now , as luck would have it , I don ' t have much — got swindled by a wretched Mage , some town south of here , and lost most of my belongings in a shipwreck . . . LHEBAN : Ah Yes ! You need some . . . seed money as it were . RAIC : ( To Lheban ) Let me lift old Stete ' s purse , he made a lot renting out his sister last week . . . LHEBAN : Thank you , Raic . Here , about 100 gold — enough ? ADVENTURER : Oh yes , more than enough for a start , Gentlemen . Good , good , good . . . so we have a deal ? ADVENTURER : Yes ! It ' s agreed . One week ! EPILOGUE : Ah , things are happening now , I doubt it not . Patrons , I request that you recall that this is a work of fiction created by one of the finest writers of the asylum , Frincheps , Archprince of All Sumurset . There is no such thing as Fools ' Ebony . Furthermore , Ebony is not mined as the priests have described the process . Grasp that please . If you can still enjoy the play as a rude work of fiction , stay with us for Part the Threeth . If you can ' t , farewell . And don ' t forget to tip the wenches . And so endeth Part the Twoth