Bang - Bang - a - Boom ! ( audio story ) Bang - Bang - a - Boom ! was the thirty - ninth monthly " Doctor Who " audio story produced by Big Finish Productions . It was the second audio story to feature Sylvester McCoy ' s Seventh Doctor and Melanie Bush played by Bonnie Langford . As with the prior Mel story , " The One Doctor " , it was in many ways a parody — though this time of " Star Trek " , the Eurovision Song Contest and the classic Gerry Anderson 1970s show " " . Indeed , the title itself is a pun on " " , the 1969 song by that gave a Eurovision win to the United Kingdom . Publisher ' s summary . Dark Space 8 — an advanced monitoring station floating serenely among the stars . Its crew — a dedicated and highly - skilled group of professionals , calmly going about their vital work . Its mission — to boldly host the Intergalactic Song Contest . With representatives from myriad worlds competing , the eyes of the universe are on the station . But dark deeds are afoot aboard Dark Space 8 . . . and people are starting to die . The haughty Queen Angvia ; the gaseous gestalt Gholos ; disposable pop idol Nicky Newman ; erratic Professor Fassbinder ; and the icily - efficient Dr Eleanor Harcourt — all are suspects . Could old political rivalries be manifesting themselves among the contestants ? Is this the work of a breakaway terrorist faction ? Or has someone just got it in for singer - songwriters ? With peace in the galaxy hanging by a thread , it ' s vital that the mystery is solved — and fast ! Can Dark Space 8 ' s unconventional new commander , with the help of his personal pilot , Mel , find the murderer in time to prevent a major intergalactic war ? Or will it be nul points for the entire universe . . . ? Plot . Part 1 . The aging space station Dark Space 8 is mostly retired from saving the universe , much to the chagrin of its crew ; but it is busy today , hosting the 309th Intergalactic Song Contest , which is being broadcast live to the galaxy under the leadership of famed presenter Logan . It includes two worlds with a history of war : Angvia , and the gestalt entity Gholos ( whose representative is also called Gholos , as per its hive mind nature ) . Complicating things is the fact that Dark Space 8 is without a commander , Commander Paul Keele having died of Orion flu against the efforts of medic Eleanor Harcourt . A replacement , Commander John Ballard , is en route by shuttle — but Lieutenant Strindberg can ' t contact it , and Professor Ivor Fassbinder detects fluctuating chronon energy around it . The TARDIS materialises aboard the shuttle , a long way from its intended destination of Paris . The Seventh Doctor and Mel find two bodies aboard , and a bomb attached to the shuttle . They try to flee to the TARDIS , but fail to make it in time — but Strindberg teleport s them aboard Dark Space 8 just in time , as the shuttle explodes . Eleanor , the officer in charge , assumes they are Ballard and his pilot , and they play along for now . She shows them to " their " quarters , but en route , they encounter the Gholos representative — which looks like candy floss and does not speak English — and its human translator , Loozly . For once , even the Doctor is stymied by a language , and must rely on Loozly . Loozly demands an explanation for the explosion , and claims that its blast pattern indicates it was an Angvian scatter bomb . As Queen Angvia arrives , Loozly , along with another contestant from Cyrene , accuses her of attacking the Commander , and of threatening Gholos . Angvia dismisses this , but complains that her billing in the contest is too far down in the order . The Doctor , in his assumed role as commander , changes the running order to alphabetical , then heads for his quarters with Mel . He explains about the war between Angvia and Gholos , and says that this is a crucial moment ; the two combatants are holding a peace conference on the Achilles 4 station . Mel suggests that the Doctor have Fassbinder — who is oddly distracted — scan the shuttle wreckage and find the TARDIS . She also warns the Doctor that the real murderer of Commander Ballard may assume he failed , and target the Doctor . Contestants continue to arrive as Logan provides commentary and Eleanor makes a log entry . Mel checks in on Fassbinder while the Doctor is summoned to the command deck to deal with Angvia , who is complaining about being quartered next to Gholos . The contest ' s arbiter , the mouselike Geri Pakhar , is also on hand , and helps the Doctor change up the housing arrangements ; as they do so , Gholos and Loozly arrive to complain about the arrangements , but leave when they find it is already resolved . Eleanor takes the opportunity to cozy up to the " Commander " . Meanwhile , Fassbinder tells Mel he found nothing in the scans ; he promises to keep her posted , but she suspects he is hiding something . On her way out , she meets a young man named Nicky Newman , Earth ' s representative to the contest . He is delighted to learn she doesn ' t know him , as he is used to being universally recognised , and he becomes enchanted with her . Meanwhile , Geri compliments the Doctor , and admits that she is concerned for her sister Teri , who is an observer of the conference on Achilles 4 . Suddenly an alarm goes off in the guest quarters . Mel and Nicky respond , and find the Cyrene contestant dead — and it is clearly murder . Part 2 . Eleanor , the Doctor , Geri , and Fassbinder all respond to the alarm , meeting up with Mel and Nicky . Geri asks " the doctor " what has happened ; the Doctor nearly answers before realising it was addressed to Eleanor . Eleanor insists there was no foul play , but the Doctor finds two puncture wounds . Eleanor takes her to sickbay , while the others go to the guest lounge . Gholos , Loozly , and Angvia arrive ; Loozly — on Gholos ' s behalf — accuses Angvia of the murder and demands the contest be cancelled . The Doctor refuses , knowing this news could also disrupt the peace conference . Loozly and Gholos leave in anger , and Angvia warns the Doctor about the Gholos ' s infamous " blue sting " which has allegedly killed many Angvians . Nicky speculates that this is what killed Cyrene , but the Doctor withholds opinion , and the group disperses . Nicky arranges to meet with Mel again later . Fassbinder returns to his lab , but remarks on how odd it is for a Pakhar — who are top - level diplomat s — to be judging a simple competition . Geri takes offense , calling the appointment prestigious . Meanwhile the Doctor sends Mel to search Cyrene ' s quarters , and sends a cover story to Logan so as to conceal the death . Eleanor cannot identify the poison in Cyrene ' s system , and the TARDIS is still missing . In Cyrene ' s quarters , Mel is approached by Gholos , who turns red and becomes loud in its native language . Loozly arrives and calls Gholos off , claiming that he too was searching for evidence , but took Mel ' s presence as an attack . When she refers to Gholos as a " thing " , Loozly becomes offended , and departs with the still - noisy Gholos . Nicky arrives , and Mel tells him that Gholos tried to kill her . Meanwhile , Fassbinder is working on the cause of the shuttle explosion , while Eleanor subtly comes on to the Doctor , ensuring him that she is available to him as she was to the previous commander . Strindberg announces that Achilles 4 is under attack by Angvian separatists , dooming the peace conference . What is there to do , then , but make this contest the best it could be ! Lounging in the station ' s pool , Nicky and Mel talk ; he begins to rant about his life and its lack of privacy . The constant screaming fans cause him headaches ; but on the flight over to Dark Space 8 , Loozly was kind enough to give him an aspirin for it . He admits that this career path makes him cripplingly anxious , but he has too much invested to stop now . He is summoned to an interview , and Mel advises him to ignore it , prompting him to snap at her for not understanding . She returns to the guest lounge , where Loozly sits , listening to Logan ' s commentary . Logan comments that critics have panned him for commenting on songs when he can ' t pronounce the names , but to combat this , he has built his own translation device this year . Loozly says that Gholos is resting , and shows Mel a device for monitoring Gholos ' s vitals , as separation from the gestalt can be stressful . He apologises for his rudeness , but admits that he is uncomfortable with humans , and is only happy on the Gholos world , a planet of gestalt mental energy . The Doctor goes to his ready room , and learns that the attack on Achilles 4 has been repelled . Mel joins him , but shortly thereafter , they receive a note under the door , which says to " beware the pits of Angvia ' — an odd reference , as there are no actual pits on Angvia . Mel decides to search Fassbinder ' s lab , while the Doctor meets Angvia in the dining hall at her request . To his shock , she declares her romantic intentions toward him , and drags him across the table to kiss him — and to his further shock , he finds himself reciprocating . Meanwhile , Mel meets Nicky coming out of the sickbay , where Eleanor has given him pills for his anxiety and its symptoms . He apologises for his rudeness , and Mel recruits his help . They break into the lab — but then Logan staggers in , and falls to the floor , dead from a stab wound in the back . Part 3 . The Doctor is completely taken in by Angvia ; but before he can consummate the relationship , Strindberg interrupts and calls him to the command deck . He promises Angvia to return , but he remains affected by her ; he shows little interest at the report of Logan ' s murder . Eleanor decides she may need to snap him out of it with her own romantic charms . . . but first there ' s an autopsy to complete . Mel also notices the strange behaviour , but is busy with Nicky , who is unexpectedly happy at the idea of stopping the contest . However , Loozly no longer wants to stop it ; or rather , as he insists , Gholos wants it to go on . Meanwhile Eleanor ' s tests on Logan are inconclusive ; and the Doctor orders that the contest proceed . Nicky returns to his quarters to relax , as his medicines have not helped . Gholos and Loozly also go to prepare . Mel pulls the Doctor aside and interrogates him ; he slowly begins to realise that he is acting bizarrely , especially with regard to Angvia ; some things he simply never does , and with her ? ! He snaps out of it to assess the murder , and quickly deduces the motive — but he keeps it to himself , to Mel ' s irritation . Mel leaves to find Fassbinder , who is still missing . The Doctor questions Eleanor about Fassbinder , and she insists she trusts him . She leaves when Angvia arrives ; the queen attempts to resume her seduction of the Doctor , but he reluctantly rejects her . She is shocked at this , and bursts into tears before leaving . The Doctor sets his mind to why he is apparently falling for her . Strindberg — who has no public speaking experience — fills in ( badly ) for Logan as commentator . Nicky apologises with roses for Mel , who then recruits him to find Fassbinder . They find him at the back of the main hall . Mel tries to accuse him of killing Logan and falsifying his sensor scans , but he isn ' t listening ; he is babbling to himself . Mel and Nicky take him to Eleanor in sickbay . While Eleanor prepares to run tests , the Doctor reaches a simpler conclusion : Fassbinder is gesturing at his neck , where puncture wounds are found . It seems he has been poisoned — not a murderer , then , but a victim . Before he dies , he admits the truth : for years , he ' s been just spouting gibberish and technobabble instead of actual useful information , and in point of fact he ' s spent most of their adventures drunk . However , before he can reveal the murderer , he dies . The Doctor locks down security , but mystifyingly , he allows the contest to proceed . He takes Mel back to the ready room to confer . They conclude that , if Fassbinder couldn ' t run a proper scan , the TARDIS is probably still out there . He sends Mel to watch the concert hall . Gholos arrives , appearing very distressed , but Loozly arrives to translate , and claims that Gholos is accusing Angvia of murdering Fassbinder . The Doctor promises to investigate , and the duo leaves . As they do so , Geri calls the Doctor and says that Angvia has been knocked out in her dressing room . Meanwhile the contest is beginning . Nicky remains ill , and is not helped when Geri rushes past , revealing to Nicky and Mel that Angvia has been attacked . Mel begins to suspect Geri ; after all , who would ? Thus making her a suspect that no one would , well , suspect . Mel and Nicky follow Geri to an empty corridor , and witness her contacting her home base against the Doctor ' s lockdown order . She reassures her superiors that everything is going to plan . This convinces Mel that she is responsible , and Mel tries to restrain her ; but in the struggle , Geri hits her head on the floor . Has Mel killed the arbiter ? Eleanor has been unsuccessful at reviving Angvia . In fact , as the Doctor notes , she is generally unsuccessful at everything she attempts . He steps in and uses smelling salts to revive Angvia . In delirium , Angvia talks about trade sanctions and Gholos incursion into Angvian space — information which might be crucial , but is too late in coming ; Mel is bringing Geri to Sickbay . Angrily , the Doctor sends Nicky to prepare for his song , and then berates Mel for attacking Geri , whom they need . He explains the presence of Geri , a high - ranking Pakhar diplomat , at a simple competition : it ' s no simple competition . The peace conference on Achilles 4 is a decoy , and the real peace conference . . . is here . Part 4 . The Doctor explains that Angvia ' s ramblings revealed the truth . The Achilles 4 conference was a decoy for the terrorists to attack ; instead , Nicky , Angvia , and Gholos carry psychic imprints of the real delegates in their subconscious minds . Using telepathic abilities , the imprinted delegates have been conducting the real peace conference all this time , under the cover of the contest . Geri ' s presence is not actually intended to mediate the contest , but rather , the peace conference . The Doctor announces that he knows who the murderer is , and gathers everyone in the guest lounge — including Geri , whom Eleanor has just revived using the Doctor ' s smelling salts . Angvia , however , must go onstage first , as her turn has arrived . The Doctor stops to chat privately with Geri before entering the guest lounge . Angvia makes her performance , and then joins them . When the Doctor and Geri arrive last , they are bearing a strange device . The Doctor explains the truth about the conference . He then exposes the truth about Eleanor , who is not a real doctor after all . She admits it ; she came to Dark Space 8 as a stowaway years earlier , and then lied about her qualifications . She was as surprised as anyone when she was taken at face value ; and she eventually became chief medical officer . She denies involvement with the murders , however , and the Doctor concurs . He then confronts Nicky , who is still suffering from his fears ; he agrees that Nicky is not the murderer , but suggests that Nicky should realise that his fears are trivial . This still leaves the killer unrevealed , however . The Doctor reveals that the shuttle was destroyed by an Angvian scatter bomb ; Angvian poisons killed Cyrene and Fassbinder ; and Angvia used her race ' s impressive pheromone array to seduce the Doctor . That was the purpose of Geri ' s note about the " pits of Angvia " ; the queen ' s pheromone glands are located in her armpits . Of course this makes Angvia the obvious suspect — but perhaps it ' s " too " obvious . Thus , the Doctor activates the device : Logan ' s translator . Gholos can now speak without Loozly ' s help , albeit in Logan ' s voice . The gestalt entity instantly accuses Loozly of the murders . Loozly admits it ; he is strongly opposed to peace with Angvia , perhaps more so than Gholos himself . His contacts back in Earth Security had leaked the truth about the conference ; and so he arranged to accompany Gholos and began sabotaging the conference . However , his attempts to frame Angvia failed , not through his own incompetence , but through the incompetence of the medical officer and science officer who should have noticed his planted clues . Gholos admits that earlier , he was not attacking Mel , but trying to warn her ; unfortunately no one could understand him . Loozly ' s alleged health - monitoring device was actually compelling obedience from Gholos . Loozly killed Logan in order to prevent the commentator from using his translator on Gholos . Fassbinder , it seems , had somehow managed to work out the truth , and thus was also killed . Loozly insists his actions were to preserve the Gholos gestalt from corruption . He takes Angvia hostage , and insists that he has the detonator for a bomb that will destroy the station . Gholos steps in and kills him using the " blue sting of Gholos " , thus freeing Angvia and dealing out justice for himself . Angvia offers to consider peace with Gholos . Nicky is still anxious , but is ready to go onstage . Gholos and Geri return to their duties , and the Doctor — unhappily — has Eleanor arrested for impersonating a doctor . It ' s time for he and Mel to leave , and the ending theme plays . . . . . . Until Mel stops him . It ' s all been too easily concluded , but there ' s still one question : Where ' s the bomb ? Security fails to find it anywhere . Angvia says that an Angvian personal destructor would work perfectly ; it consists of a tiny fragment of black star matter inside a pill . When swallowed , it attaches to the digestive tract . When the carrier is agitated enough , the pill dissolves , and the fragment explodes with the force of fifty Angvian scatter bombs . Mel makes the connection at once : en route to the station , Loozly gave Nicky a headache pill . And Nicky is about to go on stage , where his anxiety will skyrocket . The crowd is singing the Earth anthem , " I Will Survive " , giving the Doctor and Mel just enough time to catch Nicky . The Doctor sends him with Mel back to his cabin . Nicky , thinking that Mel is coming on to him , begins to get equally excited in a different way ; and Mel gives up and knocks him out . Meanwhile , the Doctor goes onstage in Nicky ' s place , and plays the spoons to a techno - pop background song — and against all odds , the crowd goes wild . After the performance , the Doctor runs and retrieves Eleanor . Despite her lack of qualifications , he insists that she has enough practical experience that she is the only one who can remove the bomb from Nicky . She manages to do so ; and as Nicky ' s imprint isn ' t available to finish the negotiations , the Doctor steps in and does so . The negotiations are successful , and after centuries , both sides agree to peace . The contest has entered the voting phase as Mel locates the TARDIS and has it brought aboard . She assures Nicky that he can handle the uproar from his failure to appear . The jig is up , however ; Geri receives a message from Earth with an image of the real Commander John Ballard , and the Doctor is clearly not him . He tells the truth , which explains to Angvia why he could resist her ; he isn ' t human , and she never expected to seduce one of the legendary Time Lords . The contest ends most unexpectedly : the Doctor , or rather , " Commander Ballard " , wins ! He takes this opportunity to get Mel into the TARDIS and slip away . In the aftermath , Eleanor is found guilty and sentenced to three years in prison , but her sentence is mitigated by her efforts in saving Nicky ' s life . Upon release , she enrolls as a student in a teaching hospital . . . and forges a close relationship with her department head . Notes . " Star Trek " parodies . This story generally spoofs the " Star Trek " franchise and its storytelling styles . The more direct examples of this include :