Joan Rivers put the ‘fun’ in funeral. I arrived almost an hour early, as our invitations had suggested because of tightened security. I snuck into a side entrance, so I missed the grand spectacle of paparazzi, fans, well wishers and shiny black cars, a mass of people covering at least 3 city blocks in front of Temple Emanu-El. There was no red carpet, which was oddly disappointing, as this had been teased by the press in the hours after Joan’s death. This was to be a staid, classy, dignified affair. I did sneak outside to look for protesters from the Westboro Baptist Church. They did not show up! Even they, as twisted and dumb as they are – had to respect our Lady Joan. 
 
 The temple was huge and packed and silent and all her fancy friends were there, as well as many of us girl comics, because we had lost our dear leader (I do see her as my own personal Kim Jong Ill as she was tiny yet commanded an empire) and so it was our saddest day. Rosie O’Donnell and Kathy Griffin insisted we sit with them because I kept complaining that the funeral organizers had given me ‘lawn seating’ and I didn’t have a beach towel. Judy Gold wept – which is hard for me to watch – my ebullient and sunny and tall friend who I have known for over a quarter of a century and have never, ever seen cry was overwhelmed by grief. Rachael Ray consoled her, and hugging they looked like a lower case letter ‘h’. 
 
 We all wept – like professional mourners. We should have gotten paid! Tears fell as we listened to the dulcet tones of the Gay Men’s Chorus with their rendition of “Hey Big Spender”. It was bittersweet and perfect. 
 
 It is still hard for me to see women comics sad, no matter how many adorable men are singing in harmony. I can’t take it – that is too terrible – and all the funny people, not only us, the female comics who marched so faithfully to the tune of Joan’s stiletto footfalls, but all her friends and family and mighty legions of producers and writers who helped her create the industry that was Joan Rivers – none of us could stop crying. You don’t know heartbreak until you have seen John Waters in tears. I am sure stock went up in cucumbers as we all needed them for our eyes this morning. 
 
 Her signature gardenia perfume mixed with the gargantuan arrangements of the heady white blooms and so her presence was heavy and uncompromised. This is how she wanted us to say good-bye to her, and everyone came early except Donald Trump, who was whisked to the front near the family, ginger hair exploding and obvious over all the yarmulkes. 
 
 In the morose silence Howard Stern said, “Joan Rivers had a dry pussy.” 
 
 At first, the words just hung there, as no one knew exactly what to do. Of course I started laughing hysterically, and everyone else, remembering who we were there to honor, followed suit. Howard Stern actually choked back tears as he continued – “Joan’s pussy was so dry it was like a sponge – so that when she got in the bathtub – whooooosh – all the water would get absorbed in there! Joan said that if Whitney Houston had as dry a pussy as Joan’s, she would still be alive today…” 
 
 It was so wrong but so right at the same time. So Joan. So great. RIP my friend. ||||| All the news coming from Joan Rivers' memorial service in New York on Sunday was how beautiful, thoughtful and even funny Howard Stern was when speaking about his late friend. 
 
 Today on his radio show, Stern talked about the "remarkable friend" Rivers was and how he got asked to eulogize her at Temple Emanu-El. 
 
 "I remember there was a time she invited me over to her home," he said. "It probably meant nothing to her but it meant something to me, because I don't think a famous person had ever invited me to their home before. ... She was so gracious and nice and made me feel like I was part of show business, which quite frankly, I never feel like I am." 
 
 Craig Ruttle/AP Photo 
 
 He continued, "I'm really rocked by her death." 
 
 Joan Rivers' Memorial Service: Whoopi Goldberg, Kathy Griffin, Howard Stern and Others Send Icon Off in Style 
 
 Inside Joan Rivers' Close Relationship With Her Daughter Melissa Rivers 
 
 Stern called the service one of the greatest events he'd ever witnessed, but that at first, he wasn't sure he should do the eulogy. 
 
 "I had gotten a call from Melissa like a day and half before the service asking me if I would speak," he said. "I said to her, 'Melissa, you are asking the wrong guy.' I said, 'I'll do it, I would do anything for Joan, I will do anything for you.'" 
 
 The radio host and an icon in his own right added that he thought someone else could do a better job speaking about Rivers and giving her the send-off her knew the comedic legend deserved. 
 
 "[Melissa] said, 'No, I want you to do it,'" he added. "It was a lot of pressure because I wanted to come through for Melissa and come through for Joan." 
 
 Stern added that he even left the Hamptons and his wife to be alone in the city with his thoughts. 
 
 "I didn't want to say the wrong thing," he said. "I was in touch with Louis C.K. and he said, 'You know, Joan really deserves a great send off. He said something very profound. He said, 'Joan was like an aunt or a best friend who could make everything better.' Even in times after say 9/11 or the country just seems to be going down or things just seem to be bad, when she would crack a joke ... you didn't feel so alone." 
 
 He added, "It just made you feel better knowing Joan Rivers was making a joke about it."
– Joan Rivers' funeral was a heartbreaking affair—in a blog post, fellow comedian Margaret Cho describes a throng of "girl comics" weeping "like professional mourners." And then Howard Stern began his eulogy. "Joan Rivers had a dry pussy," he said, according to Cho. After a stunned silence, she says, everyone remembered "who we were there to honor" and started laughing. "Howard Stern actually choked back tears as he continued—'Joan’s pussy was so dry it was like a sponge—so that when she got in the bathtub—whooooosh—all the water would get absorbed in there! Joan said that if Whitney Houston had as dry a pussy as Joan’s, she would still be alive today.'" "It was so wrong but so right at the same time. So Joan. So great. RIP my friend," Cho writes in her post, titled "Putting the Fun Back in Funeral." On his radio show yesterday, Stern said he was at first reluctant to say yes when Rivers' daughter, Melissa, asked him to deliver the eulogy, ABC News reports. "I said to her, 'Melissa, you are asking the wrong guy.'" But ultimately he agreed. "I didn't want to say the wrong thing," Stern continued. "I was in touch with Louis CK and he said, 'You know, Joan really deserves a great send-off. He said something very profound. He said, 'Joan was like an aunt or a best friend who could make everything better.' Even in times after, say, 9/11 ... when she would crack a joke ... you didn't feel so alone. It just made you feel better knowing Joan Rivers was making a joke about it."