Like a lot of prepubescent children in 1989 or 1990, my imagination was captured by this new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fad. I remember sitting down and watching an interview with the creators, a pair of comic book authors who chose to go the independent route and gamble on their own ability to succeed. They were lucky enough to win against the odds, at least for a time, but in this interview, they also mentioned something about believing the phenomenon would go on forever. Well, the Turtles are still selling on comic book stands, and you can still see some of their adventures on DVD, but as to whether it survived the 1990s is a matter of opinion.

The first feature film, complete with man-sized turtles played by actors in suits, was a low-budget triumph. Indeed, the dominance of Golden Harvest studios in Hong Kong martial arts cinema can easily be traced back to their winning of the rights to do the original film. With a little help from the Jim Henson workshop and some well-cast B-actors in key support roles, the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film was a major success that utterly dumbfounded the studio system. What is even more surprising is how the film did not go in the easy "we're primarily marketing to children, so we can be patronising" route that most children's entertainment follows.

That last point is where the first sequel, and this one in particular, went wrong. By the time 1993 rolled around, the Turtles fad had more or less utterly died, replaced by a far longer-lasting fascination with The Simpsons. As a direct result, the budget allocated by Golden Harvest to the third Turtles film was a mere fraction of that allotted to the first film. This is most obvious in the turtles themselves. Sure, they are still portrayed by men in suits, and those suits are still maintained by the Henson workshop, but the overall tone of the turtles' skin and the motion of their mouths indicates that Golden Harvest told the Henson workshop that they just wanted something passable. Given that the first film was dedicated to Jim because it was one of the last things he worked on before he died, this is quite the sad come-down.

Another major problem is in the tone of the story. While the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will never be confused with the likes of RoboCop, the first film went back to the roots of the original comic book and depicted a world that was, for all intents, rather dark. There was a bare hint that being a 5'6" turtle with consciousness was not all it was cracked up to be, unlike the utopia implied by the afternoon cartoon series. There was acrimony, grief, rage, and a million other things that children's entertainment seems to believe we cannot really handle now or ever. That was what turned Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles into Golden Harvest's big breakaway hit.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, also known as Turtles In Time, picks up with the turtles milling around their sewer hideout with Splinter (who now looks like a shag carpet with eyes). When April shows up with a bunch of items she found at a garage sale, she happens upon an ancient artifact that transports her back in time to feudal Japan. The turtles, in their usual confused weird-species adolescent fervour, take it upon themselves to go back and rescue her, because we all know how an adolescent turtle would go all bug-eyed at the thought of rescuing a woman who looks anything like Paige Turco.

Elias Koteas, the real star of the original film, gets to jump back in here, but the character he is best known for spends most of his time eating pizza, watching over a bunch of Japanese soldiers who changed places in time with the turtles (don't ask), and sharing conversation with the shag carpet that Splinter turned into. For the rest of the time, he plays one of the English scoundrels who are trading with the Japanese monarchs. Yeah, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Nor does it particularly excite the viewer. In fact, much like the previous film, the fight sequences are so toned-down and PG-fied that the adults in the audience will fall asleep. Or worse yet, just use this film as a kind of artificial babysitter, which I somehow doubt was what Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird had in mind for their original creations. I don't doubt that they were trying to reach the widest possible audience, but as this film proves, the more you try to please everyone, the more you wind up pleasing no one.

I gave Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III a one out of ten. There are moments when it gets bad enough to be funny. The problem is that there are just not enough such moments to justify this film for all but the most hardcore fans of the turtles. And since the most serious fans would all be at least twenty years old by now, well, let us just say this film has its work cut out for it pleasing even that audience.


When I saw this in the theaters when I was 9 in 1993 (you do the math) and honestly, as a kid, I thought it was OK. But then I saw it again recently (a few years ago), and it made Batman and Robin seem uplifting by comparison. This film is crappy when compared to the first (which was a masterpiece) and the second (which was OK) combined. Maybe kids will like it, but me, I found that just sitting alone with my own thoughts are more creative than watching this sad, pathetic excuse for a TMNT movie. By the way, don't the turtles seem more plastic now than ever before? C-


Oh yeah, I used to be a fan of the Ninja Turtles. Honestly, I was a fan, but then I started to hate the turtles, only because of THIS MOVIE! This movie is awful. The plot is heavily contrived(April O'Neil buys a lamp that makes them all go back in time), and has the lamest story ever. Basically, the Turtles find themselves back in ancient Feudal japan and end up fighting a generic samurai and a generic guy on a horse with a bird in a cage... wait... what did I just say?! I can't believe I just said that but it's true! They fight a guy on a horse who has a bird in a cage! This guy is totally out of place! I guess the writers thought hey maybe we should add one or two ridiculous elements so that the movie is cheesy enough to be at least enjoyable on some level. Well this proves that they failed to even achieve that optimistic level of greatness! Anyways, the battles are poorly done and very short. Also, every time the turtles wisecrack or try to insert a little humor it comes off being very forced and stupid. They even had the gall... the GALL to insert a joke saying "Help, I'm a turtle and I can't get up!". There's even a line where one of them says "You were expecting maybe uh the Addam's Family?!". OMG... these jokes MIGHT be funny for anybody under the age of 10, but for anyone older, it works more as an ipecac than anything else. So I guess we've found one use for this movie. If you are over 10 and have ingested poison, just watch this movie right away and you will be projectile vomiting within seconds.

The turtle outfits also look terrible. Their lip movements don't match the words and Splinter looks like a generic puppet from Sesame Street or the Muppets show. There's also plot holes, countless continuity errors, and so on. It's obvious that this movie was made solely to be a cheap cash in on the ninja turtle craze. This is ironic considering the craze pretty much had died down completely by 1993 when this movie came out.

When you look up asinine in the thesaurus... you will find that one of the synonyms is TMNT 3. It's poorly written, a cheap cash-in, and doesn't even work as cheesy entertainment. On the other hand, there is actually one TMNT movie that is worse than TMNT 3... and for those of you who want to know what it is, I will spare you the horror of ever thinking about it... okay, it's the Coming out of their shells tour video.


There are a number of signs you can spot to tell when a franchise is in trouble (like any rule, nothing concrete but generally well worth adhering to): an episode is set randomly in space, an episode features a crossover with another ailing franchise and/or an episode decides to pull out all the stops and go the time travel route.

The third outing for out heroes in a half-shell (if you don't know about them by now then start at the beginning before even attempting to endure this) provides us with some time travel shenanigans as the quartet find themselves being transported to ancient Japan to fight some angry folk and rescue April O'Neil (played once again by Paige Turco).

It's all really rather lame and I find myself unable to get worked up enough to either praise or damn the movie with any energy. The fights are very unexciting, the "comedy" is even more dated and immature than in the previous outings and absolutely nothing happens that stops you longing for the movie just end as quickly as possible.

I will never know what persuaded Elias Koteas to return as Casey Jones (and, in fact, as a glutton for punishment he takes on TWO roles this time around though neither of them get that much screen time) but he's a small ember of enjoyment in a rather stinky quagmire of a movie.

It's passable and it may well keep the kids amused for the duration but I wouldn't even guarantee that. I am the most undemanding viewer you could wish for, at times, and even I was tempted to reach for the Eject button so make of that what you will.

Hopefully, director Stuart Gillard's name is not one I will see attached to any project I am interested in further down the line. It looks like he's stuck in TV land now and even that's more than he deserves judging by his inept handling of our mean, green, fighting machines.

See this if you like: 3 Ninjas, 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret Of The Ooze,


*THIS REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS... OR MAYBE NOT. THE WARNING IS THE SAME FOR ALL*

I don't understand it. The second film wasn't that well received. Did they really think third time would be the charm? The turtles are back in time now. April bought some weird device that sent her back to Ancient Japan, where the evil Lord Norinaga plans to take over. As you can guess the turtles decide to travel back in time to save her.

Ye, it's a forced plot, but it's not SO bad if you think about it. Also we don't have Schredder again as the villain. However, we don't have Jim Henson Creature Shop providing the costumes... as a result, the turtles look more... ugly in this film (their eyes and mouth operate better, though).

Sincerely, I still don't understand why they did the film. I mean, I was disappointed when I saw it the first time; and considering I loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, that has to mean something, right?


Well after the amazing first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film and the second not quite amazing but still good Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2:The secret of the Ooze the turtles return to the big screen for the unlucky third time where in the first 2 films they had a great opening sequence like in the first we had never seen the turtles on the big screen and really alive before so they kept that suspense going for about a awesome 10 Min's we finally see them all together right after there about to jump at the main titles and in the second one the turtles all jump up and the main title goes right there it was pure awesome and everyone couldn't wait for them to come up.....but in the third there is no thought no imagination its just the turtles dancing witch couldn't even succeed at being funny and brings me to splinter witch if you think splinter was an undeveloped character in the second...wait until you see him in the third splinter is supposed to be a main character that teaches the turtles but in this movie he just stands in his under ground house and at least the first two films he looks really cool but in this film he looked like a puppet behind a wall and only appeared in a few scenes witch was pointless so lets get to the plot April buys a some sort of time warp thing and warps the turtles in time and this movie would have been good story and have something that fans wanted such as shredders return and the debut a krang if thats what you are hoping to get......your wrong...instead you get 2 weird stupid undeveloped characters that nobody cared for why? because we didn't know these characters from the cartoon show and they don't look cool there just siting on a horse shooting guns and ones the gos guy and other is the bad guy and the Michaelangelo gets kidnapped witch keep the turtles back April as well gets set back in time where her and mike and prisoners and the turtles costumes just look so awful it isn't funny and there is only a couple fight scenes not involving all the turtles until the end at least the previous films had more then one for scene with all the turtles more then once so as you can see they pretty much went wrong where ever this is buy far the worst tmnt film as well as it being one of the worst films and let downs ever and goes to show that most three's in a sequel flop the first,second and fourth tmnt films are all great so lets just pretend the fourth is the third and leave this horrible film as a past and killed off memory. so now its time to overall this film.

story 3/10

scenes 3/10

special effects 6/10

fight scenes 4/10

character development 4/10

brilliance 3/10

overall 3.5/10


very rarely do I go into a movie expecting total crap and I get disappointed cause it was shittier than expected. This is one of those rare occasions. My biggest question has to be, when the hell did the turtles get herpes pock marks all over their body. The set designs were incredibly accurate. No longer do I have the urge to travel back in time to feudal Japan thanks to this film. It is easily the most accurate picture of the era painted. Last Samurai needs to give a shout out to this film, as it clearly stole stock footage from this movie and just added Tom Cruise with special effects. The best part had to have been Cory Feldman voicing Donatello. His smooth voice put me to sleep.


April O'Neil (Paige Turco) buys a magic scepter that somehow manages to send her back in time to 16th century Japan. So, her friends, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, use the scepter to go back in time to rescue her.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) was entertaining--the animatronics were good, excellent fight choreography, it had a nice film noir look to it, and it was fun watching a live action Turtles movie with guys in rubber costumes. It marked the end of the '80s, and the beginning of the 1990s. The second film, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991) was a bad movie, but entertaining in its stupidity.

The third film, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993), is horrible. The Turtles look like sock puppets with teeth. Splinter is much worse (Why does it look like only the upper half of his body was completed?). Even the jokes, the one-liners, the editing and the voice acting are horrible. And let's not forget the annoying pop culture references.

One thing I liked about the first two films were the opening sequences, which were nice suspenseful build-ups. When the Turtles made their first appearances during the pre-credit sequences, you felt like cheering. Not this time...

The movie opens with a fight in 16th century Japan that doesn't make any sense, then what we get is the Turtles dancing to ZZ Top. No creativity, no suspense, no thought. The same thing goes for the ending. You'd expect a big climactic fight sequence but no. The villain turns out to be a complete wimp.

I would have enjoy it more if the movie continued with the Turtles still fighting crime in New York. And don't expect another villain from the comics or the cartoon. Instead, make way for Walker (Stuart Wilson) and Lord Norinaga (Sab Shimono), two clichéd, over-the-top characters who look like they belong in a bad TV show. Does anybody remember them from Ninja Turtles? I don't. Paige Turco is annoying this time around as April. She spends most of the time in Japan yelling, complaining and being angry.

The only fun I can get out of this watching this is watching the 16th century Japanese guys in modern-day New York dancing to Tarzan Boy and playing hockey.

Like the Home Alone movies, death isn't really a strong reality in the world of the Ninja Turtles as villains survive being beaten up, and shot at.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III is just a big insult to the the fans who had been waiting two years after the first sequel for another Turtles adventure. Sure, young kids will probably enjoy this, but hardcore Turtles fans may be disappointed. It's definitely a bad sign when a low-budget sequel moves away from its original roots and goes in a different direction.


[CONTAINS SPOILERS]

 The Ninja Turtles are back with their friend, April O'Neil. She's going on vacation and has brought the turtles some gifts. She brought Splinter a sceptor. One used in ancient Japan.

 Meanwhile, in 1603 in Japan. The evil warlord Lord Norinaga has

taken control of the village. He has a rebellious son, Kenshin. Kenshin goes inside the temple, takes a sceptor and says "Open Wide, Gates of Time". Now I'm not exactly sure why he does this. Sorry. And soon it's the old switcheroo: April and Kenshin switch places.

And clothes! Kenshin now wears April's leather jacket and April wears Kenshin's robes. The problem is soon identified. The sceptor has magic powers. It can transport beings through time. Leonardo announces they must go back and rescue April. Michaelangelo is cool with the idea, but wonders if they had pizza back then. Back in ancient Japan, everyone thinks April is a witch.

Especially Walker, a sly devil who's in cahoots with Lord Norinaga. They

put April in a cage. Back in modern day New York, Michaelangelo has brought in some heavy artillery: Casey Jones! Casey has been given the task of staying behind and keeping an eye on Kenshin while the turtles go back in time. Soon they are ready to go. They're transported into the places of four warriors riding horses in battle. They can't seem to get the hang of them. Michaelangelo is riding his backwards, rides into the woods and get's captured. He was also the one holding the sceptor so now it is gone. Michaelangelo also has an encounter with Mitsu, Kenshin's love interest. The three other turtles go looking for Michaelangelo in the temple. They adapt to the language--most unsuccessfully, and rescue April (it's what they live for). Also in jail with April was Whit, a man who looks remarkably like Casey Jones! They all escape together. The turtles also have an encounter with fury fighting warriors and whip them in their own creative style. Michaelangelo escapes from where we was being held captive. The turtles even save young Yoshi from a burning building. Michaelangelo does the risky job of going in and getting him, and Leonardo brings the kid back with mouth to mouth revelation. Raphael becomes good friends with Yoshi and teaches him to watch his temper, though he should be taking his own advice. The turtles know they must return to the future, or disrupt the time continueum and have a major paradox. Unfortunately, the sceptor is gone, so they build another one and quickly lose it. They find the original. They soon engage in a battle with the evil. They even send Walker right off a cliff. It was actually an accident on his part with a little help from Whit. Soon it's time to go. Michaelangelo

doesn't want to go. Raphael is still gray on that decision, but Donatello wants very much to go. So does April. Leonardo is sort of in the middle. Suddenly, the sceptor is turned on. There is very little time remaining. Back in New York, Casey Jones had really gotten the four warriors that arrived in the turtles' places into hockey. He has quite some trouble getting them back, but he does. Michaelangelo is very hesitant and they disappear without him. Back to the sewer. The others find Michaelangelo gone, but he soon arrives. He's saddened about leaving his new friends and says he'll never smile again. That changes thanks to Splinter wearing a lamp shade and pretending to be Elvis.

 This movie wasn't as good as the others. On change is that now Leonardo is the joke maker. He used to be the serious one, but now he's making jokes with the rest of them. Also, Corey Feldman is back! He couldn't make Part II because he was in rehab, getting off his heroine addiction. I'm glad Elias Koteas returns as Casey Jones. Movie probably would've been better if Casey had had a more major role in it. Anyway, I say it isn't as good as the othe


If there's one thing I can't stand in film, it's unnecessary sequels created to continue milking a franchise. It's even worse when sequel is nearly enough to ruin a franchise, such as the third Ninja Turtles film. The third film removed any sense of seriousness left over from the first film and amplified the campiness of the second film. In this installment of the Ninja Turtle trilogy, the team must use a magic scepter to travel back to 17th century feudal Japan to rescue April who had teleported on accident. It seems blatantly obvious at this point that the filmmakers were running out of ideas by this point.

In my personal opinion, this time travel plot line feels like a major cop-out. It's as if the filmmakers had no previous experiences with the franchise (whether it be the movies, cartoons, or comics) and, rather than pull from existing popular story arcs, writer/director Stuart Gillard thought to himself, "What would be a WACKY adventure for these guys? DUH! Time travel!". If I never see another comedy that relies on the tired fish-out-of-water routine for the rest of my life, I'll be a happy man. The bulk of the movie's humor relies on the Turtles being tossed into 17th century Japan, and five men from Japan being introduced to modern times in exchange. Why couldn't the filmmakers have gone with something, I don't know...entertaining? I would've much preferred to see the Baxter Stockman/Mousers story arc brought to the big screen instead of the "zaniness" of Ninja Turtles trying to ride horses.

On a positive note, Elias Koteas returns as Casey Jones, one of my favorite elements from the first film. Koteas is actually in a double-role: Casey Jones and Whit, one of Walker's crew members in Japan. Koteas brings some humor to the movie and actually makes some parts of the movie enjoyable. Paige Turco returns for a second run as April O'Neil, though she seems to be hamming it up a bit more this time and comes off as irritating more often than not. Probably my biggest complaint on the film's recasting was Splinter's voice; James Murray replaced Kevin Clash (who had voiced the character in both I and II). Rather than the voice of a Japanese elder that we became accustomed to, it now sounds as if Splinter is a guy with a bad case of laryngitis. It's distracting and a bit of a let-down.

The third film is a major disappointment for the Ninja Turtle franchise. It practically killed the series until Kevin Munroe revived it in 2007 with his CGI film. When it comes to the Ninja Turtles, I wish filmmakers would give us less Three Stooges-style slapstick and concentrate more on decent stories and creating great action sequences. And, please, no more time travel.


The first Ninja Turtle movie was a classic; the first sequel however was okay but tried to hard to be family-friendly. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III however didn't belong to be in the theaters or be watched since it lost all the darkness of the original and concentrated on cuteness and having children involved.

The plot of TMNT III deals with the ninja turtles going back in time after finding a device that takes the turtles all the way to 1800 Japan where a war is going on. It takes their news reporter friend April (Paige Turco) with them while back in New York the humans from Japan who have another time device are in a bit of surprise when they realize they're not at home. With the turtles in Japan, they befriend many of the townspeople with tough turtle Raphael being a pal to young Yoshi while Michaelangelo finds love.

While I was glad to hear Corey Feldman's voice as Donatello after his absence from the first sequel due to the drugs along with seeing Elias Koteas as the crazed Casey Jones, the film wasn't the same. Josh Pais who voiced the tough guy Raphael is replaced with another actor; April doesn't have much to do but be the damsel in distress. The costumes are just as freaky like puppets that you'll probably have nightmares after watching this movie.


The flies are buzzing around the corpse of the 'TMNT' franchise as it enters its third instalment. Writer/director Stuart Gillard is so desperate for something to fill his decrepit movie's 90 minutes that he sends the annoying, jerky-mouthed puppets back to a laughably unconvincing 17th century Japan and rips off 'Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure' while he's at it. Baddie Stuart Wilson seems to be doing an impression of Rik Mayall, but there's more life in his performance than Gillard's lazy direction can dredge up from the rest of the cast. The smiling dead kid and the Japanese woman with an American accent are just two of the inattentive touches in this blandly photographed, unfunny threequel, while Wilson's demise must rank amongst the worst visual effects ever committed to film.


this is the movie that killed the ninja turtle francise. The turtle costumes and splinter looked horrible as compared to the other films and the jokes are old and tired, for example - "Im a turtle and i can't get up". Thats so overused its annoying. The one bright point was Casey Jones returning, but he only makes a cameo in the film and is totally wasted. A sad end to the ninja turtle series.


I am a huge fan of the first and second Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, they were both fun films that even the oldest adult could still have fun too, I grew up with the cartoon and movies, so I just loved them from minute one. I never had an interest to see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III, because it looked so horrible, but my friend said it was pretty cute and to give it a shot, so I did since it was a free rental and at least I finished the sequels. But it did waste my time because it was so sad hearing really lame voices and the costumes seemed to be different.

Basically, this is going to be such a short paragraph since the plot is really very simple, but here it goes, the turtles now have a time stick thing-a-ma-jig, so when April accidentally steps into it, she goes back to the 17th century in China switching places with the king's son, the turtles must go back and help April. But they find out that they need to help the army against and evil British soldier, or at least from what I've gathered.

Please, stick to the first and the second Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, those are really the worthy and fun movies for the classic cartoon and story. This was such a bad change, to be honest, if the directors couldn't get the original cast, not including Casey Jones, he shouldn't have bothered, because it was so disturbing hearing Splinter in a scary high pitched evil Japanese voice, you have to admit, it was scary.

3/10


JAPAN, 1603: A lone warrior races through the forest, being chased by four Samurai on horseback. The young man is captured by his pursuers, and taken to the imposing Fortress of Lord Norinaga. Inside, we see Lord Norinaga confront his captive, who we find to be his son, Prince Kenshin. Norinaga quarrels with his son, who is ashamed of his father's actions in what he considers to be an unjust war. Just as Norinaga is about to strike his son down for disgracing him, we hear a gun shot fired. Enter Walker, a conniving English trader. He warns Norinaga that the rebels are about to attack. Guards take Prince Kenshin away, as Norinaga and his British allies prepare for battle.

NEW YORK CITY, The Present: We find the Turtles in their sewer abode, practicing their ninja skills. April appears to present gifts to the teen terrapins as they've offered to watch her apartment while she goes on vacation. She's brought an odd scepter along to give to Master Splinter... which begins to glow with weird magic. In a flash, April disappears, and in her place is a man... Prince Kenshin! April finds herself back in time, at Lord Norinaga's fortress!

Everyone there save for Walker thinks that she is a witch, and April tries to use this to her advantage by frightening the ancient warriors. Walker, disbelieving that April has any supernatural powers, defies her to shrink him. When she fails to perform the sorcery, guards haul her away. Back in New York, Donatello and Splinter have determined that the scepter is a time-switch device, and for the Turtles to use it, people from the past will be brought to the present.

The Turtles get their friend Casey Jones to guard the people from the past that will appear when the TMNT go back in time to find April. Donatello determines that the staff's powers will only work for 60 hours, and after that time, if the Turtles don't come back, they'll be stuck in the past! Don activates the scepter, and in a blinding flash, the Turtles are gone! In their place we see four very confused Samurai... the four Honor Guards of Lord Norinaga! The Turtles pop back in time into the middle of the battle between Norinaga's forces and the rebels!

They're on horseback and decked out in full Honor Guard Samurai regalia! Michaelangelo ends up backwards on his horse, and it gallops out of control into the forest! He is attacked and dismounted. The leader of the rebellion, Mitsu, is shocked to find a giant Turtle under the helmet, and she orders Mikey to be carted off to the rebel village. As night falls, the 3 remaining Turtles sneak into Norinaga's keep in attempt to rescue April. Walker is talking with Norinaga, who has just learned that his four Honor Guards have disappeared, along with the Sacred Scepter!

Walker argues that Norinaga must buy his guns to quell the rebellion, while Norinaga fears that all is lost now that the scepter has vanished. The Turtles follow Walker's henchman Niles, and he inadvertently leads the TMNT to April in Norinaga's dungeon. April finds an escape route, and she and the Turtles fight their way to escape. They are accompanied by a prisoner named Whit, who looks amazingly like Casey Jones! It seems that he was jailed for mutiny, and he is as eager to leave this place as April and the Turtles are. Norinaga, when discovering April's escape, prepares to punish Niles.

Walker is able to prevent his henchmen from being toasted, however. The Turtles are now in the forest, basking in its ancient beauty. Suddenly, rebel forces ambush them, thinking that they are Norinaga's Honor Guard! Donatello removes his helmet, and the rebels are shocked to see more giant Turtles! The TMNT are taken to meet Mitsu, who exclaims that they are like"the other one." The Turtles realize that Mikey is with the rebels and rejoice in the knowledge that they'll soon be reunited. As they head back to the rebel village, they see smoke rising from it!

Walker and his men are burning the town, looking for the scepter and Prince Kenshin. As the Turtles and the rebel warriors rush to save the town, we see a young boy trapped in a burning home. Mikey rescues the child and Leo saves his life by performing CPR. Mitsu now knows that the Turtles are good, and welcomes them. The Turtles remember that they need the scepter to get back home... and they're running out of time! They go in search for it, as Whit and April help the townspeople rebuild their homes.

When the Turtles can't find the scepter, Donatello comes up with the unlikely scheme of creating a new one! April is very skeptical! Meanwhile in the present, Casey Jones keeps the four Honor Guard busy by teaching them to play hockey! Back in the past, Michaelangelo introduces the villagers to pizza, and Whit tries to convince April to take him back to New York City. Donatello's scepter is finished, but Leonardo drops it and it breaks! It seems as if the TMNT are trapped in the past! Just then, Mitsu walks in and announces that Norinaga will attack in the morning!

The Turtles decide to join Mitsu and her people to fight the overlord. That night, Raph and Yoshi hang out. Raphael gives Yoshi a yo-yo, and the boy wanders off. When he returns, he brings the Sacred Scepter! As everyone argues about who hid the scepter, Whit holds a knife to Mitsu's throat and demands the scepter! Whit takes Mitsu to Norinaga, and tells the Daimyo that she has kidnapped his son Prince Kenshin. Mitsu then tells Lord Norinaga that Whit is holding the Sacred Scepter.

Mitsu attacks Norinaga but is stopped by Walker, and she is taken to the dungeon. Whit tries to cut a deal with Walker, using the Sacred Scepter as a bargaining chip. The Turtles break into the castle once again to save Mitsu and the other rebel captives. As the heroes attempt their escape, they run headlong into Lord Norinaga and his men, and a battle ensues. Michaelangelo is injured accidentally by Mitsu! Leonardo manages to beat Norinaga in a sword fight, and captures him in a giant bell!

Things are going great for the Turtles when Walker takes April hostage at gun point. Leo challenges the vile Brit, and Walker fires a cannon at the bold Turtle... but misses Leo and hits the bell that imprisons Norinaga! Walker tries to flee with the Sacred Scepter, but the Turtles catch up with him. Walker tosses the staff into the air, but the TMNT manage to catch it before it hits the ground and breaks! A fireball explodes from nowhere, knocking Walker off the top of the castle and into the moat waiting far below.

Back in New York, Casey realizes that it's time to send the real Honor Guard back to the past... but he's taken them out to a nightclub! They hurry back to the sewer. The Turtles finally have the Sacred Scepter and the rebels have finally defeated the evil overlord Norinaga. As the TMNT prepare to use the scepter, Mikey, Raph and Leo decide that they'd like to stay in the past, where they are welcome and happy. Don says no way! As they argue, the magic staff activates! With a flash, the TMNT and April are gone!

Back in the sewer, the four Honor Guard and Prince Kenshin have vanished, and in their place we see April and the Turtle team. Casey and Splinter welcome the Turtles and April home. Michaelangelo laments for a moment, but quickly realizes that home is where the heart is... even if home is a sewer! Hopefull this will won't be the last Turtles movie. They deserve a better film than this to end the series.

I can remember loving the first two flicks, and I still do enjoy them. But I can't remember ever liking this one. It's pretty darn lame. The Turtles now look like Jim Hanson had a breakdown and took it out on the Turtles. The show isn't even all that bad, but it doesn't even seem like anyone put any effort into this mess. At any rate, a very disappointing sequel.

*/****


Mark Caso is corny as Leonardo in this solemn adventure film. The remaining cast is poignant. The costumes are simple. One of the fair flicks in the genre, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3 exerts rare adventures. 4 out of 10.


I saw this film at a student theater and I was completely underwhelmed by it. The acting is terrible (were they actors?)and the only part of the production that didn't make me laugh was the jokes.

Spudmonkey? What type of a title is that? The story is lifted directly from 'Hollywood's cliché underdog story writing' manual, yet the writer/director still manages to destroy this basic formula.

All the characters are so hollow that it is hard to offer even an ounce of care factor, and the original music was horrible to listen to.

The $2 that was wasted on the making of this movie may have been better invested on a lotto ticket. I hope the director of this film (can you call it that?) is ashamed of himself.


Well, let's see. Just off the top of my head, here are some of the features of this turkey. Sly Stallone mumbles so badly that only about 5% of his dialogue is intelligible (though this is probably a plus, given the quality of the writing).Sharon Stone is nice to look at but her acting starts off bad and gets worse in a hurry. Her character is so unlikeable I cheered up when Woods slapped her around. Rod Steiger's accent, which I believe is supposed to be Cuban because he pronounces "you" as "chew" a la Scarface, comes and goes. James Woods plays a parody of himself (this was actually the most entertaining thing about the movie). They show Sly working out, and all he does are ballet-like stretches to show off his bod, and it was not a pretty sight. He is so over-pumped that there are alarmingly bulging veins on every inch of his body visible. Stone and Stallone (has a nice ring to it, huh?) have no chemistry--during their big sex scene, they look extremely bored instead of aroused, as if they are about to doze off but the only thing keeping them awake is to make sure their buff bodies are displayed carefully so they look their best on camera. Continuity is terrible-Sly's character adopts a fluffy grey kitty, which I guess is supposed to make him sensitive (I was just worried he'd crush it accidentally) but in a scene towards the end, the cat is dark brown. I give a grudging point towards the kitty not being killed by the Columbians or Woods--the one thing that I didn't see coming, because every time Sly came home looking for his cat I expected him to find it nailed to the wall or something equally hideous. Woods does have a great scene (a couple, really) where he does a little trick with a pen and some plastique to frighten his office staff. I also laughed at the way he'd constantly be yelling "Shut up!" to characters who hadn't even said anything yet.The movie is, I have to admit, one of those that is so bad, it would qualify as one of those 'love to hate it' movies that you sit around with your friends with to watch and make fun of. Worth renting if 1. you are a Woods fan and find him entertaining in any movie no matter how terrible it is or 2. you have a free rental coming at the video store (or both of the above, like me). If you can't stand all three of the principal stars, skip it by all means.


The Specialist starts as May Munro (Sharon Stone) contacts hired assassin Ray Quick (Sylvester Stallone) & ask's him to kill the three men who murdered her parents & the man who ordered it, being a helpful kind of chap Ray agrees. Things become complicated when Ray's old CIA buddy turned baddie Ned Trent (James Woods) show's up wanting to kill Ray because he hurt Ned's feelings back in 1984 & that's it basically.

This Peruvian American co-production was directed by Luis Llosa which is a name I instantly recognised as this is the guy responsible for one of the worst big budget horror flicks of the 90's, namely Anaconda (1997) which is a film I hate with a passion & guess what? I also hate The Specialist as well, luckily after both this & Anaconda tanked at the box-office & were critically torn to pieces Llosa hasn't been allowed to make an American film since, there is a god after all... Anyway, the script by Alexandra Seros which takes itself far too seriously was 'suggested' by the Specialist novels by John Shirley & is terrible, for a start there's barely any action in it & the scene set on the bus where Stallone beats up some thugs is so pointless & utterly irrelevant to the plot it sticks out like a sore thumb & smacks of a re-shoot in an attempt to up the action quota. In fact all The Specialist offers in terms of action are a couple of exploding vehicles & some large explosions at the end otherwise this is one of the least action packed big budget Stallone flicks I've ever seen. The character's are awful, the dialogue is awful, the story is utterly predictable & pedestrian with virtually no reason given why Ned wants to kill Ray at this point or no reason why May's parents were originally murdered & at nearly two hours long it's a real chore to sit through. I really, really dislike The Specialist & would call it more of a thriller than an action flick although I'm betting the trailer makes it look like it's full of explosions & action scenes but just don't be fooled because it isn't.

Director Llosa is an awful director & it's no surprise no respectable studio has let him go anywhere near a film camera since this & Anaconda, there are so many scenes in The Specialist which are played straight & meant to generate tension & excitement but are so poorly & ineptly handled they come across as laughable. The opening scene where trained assassin Stallone suddenly develops a conscience is stupid, the scene in the police station where James Woods threatens an entire room of cops with a homemade bomb is ridiculous as the cops would have shot his head off, the sex scene between Stallone & Stone is one of the most unerotic & frankly ugly pieces of film I've ever seen & James Woods losing it in front of all those cops & telling them all to shut up is just hilarious & his character comes across like some sort of clown rather than the hard as nails bad guy he should have. Apart from when Stallone beats some punks up on a bus there's no fights, there's no shooting, there's no car chases & the only explosions worth mentioning are right at the very end if you can make it that far.

With a supposed budget of about $45,000,000 The Specialist was a well funded film although I struggled to see where the money went although Stallone was paid $15,000,000 to be in it so I guess there's my answer. Apparently Steven Seagal only wanted $9,000,000 to star & direct so why didn't Warner Bros. go with him? Well they didn't want to pay him that much so they went to Stallone who only wanted an extra $6,000,000 anyway... To be honest this feels like a low budget straight to video Seagal flick, it really does. The acting is terrible from all involved, Stallone is even more wooden than usual, Stone is just plain awful & not particularly good looking in this while the usually superb James Woods is left trying to make the best of a terrible script & a rubbish character but even he ends up looking somewhat embarrassed.

The Specialist is a terrible film which I hated when I saw it back in the 90's & still hate now when I saw it but a few hours ago, there's nothing much more I can say other than I personally think it's complete rubbish except some decent explosions at the end which aren't worth waiting for.


As moronic as one would expect. For the brain-impaired this is a treat: one explosion after another, and a whole bunch of "tough" guys snarling and threatening each other in almost every other scene. Woods makes the most (which isn't much) out of a standard psychotic-bad-guy role, while Stallone is not only unconvincing but quite laughable, as well. Sharon Stone tries hard to be even worse than Stallone, which she manages quite often. Eric Roberts is his usual menacing "or-I-'ll-kill-ya" self, and his character hasn't aged a day since he killed Stone's parents some decades ago (a scene which is shown as a flashback a couple of times), or are they implying that the nearly middle-aged Stone is eighteen in this movie? (For those not convinced that Stone's small breasts come from a land called Siliconia, this movie will be a disappointment; the shower scene removes all doubt.) Steiger neither looks Latino nor does he do a Spanish accent that goes beyond silly. The dialog begs for a MST3K treatment.


Believe it or not this is a good movie. I don't hate this at all. Why? It has horrific dialog, plot holes large enough so you can plow a cruise ship thorough, and not much going on in the plot department. I like this movie for its setting(so exotic, so alive, and up to date) In fact, so up to date that this is one of the first movies that had modern cellphones in them. Believe it or not the hero in this movie takes the damn bus! THE BUS!!! Sharon Stone and Slyvester Stallone make a great couple especially in "sex in the hotel shower" scene. Talk about chemistry. James Woods makes adds some hostility and a pulse to this melodrama with his wisecracks, outbursts, and foul-mouthed banter as the villain. But what's with the late Rod Stieger and Eric Roberts fronting as Cuban mobsters? C'mon, here. The strange thing is, they make it work. The action sequences such as the Sly kicking ass and taking names while encountering a couple of thugs on a bus and throwing one out the window, a hotel room explodes and collapses into the ocean with the bad guys still in it, and the funky way Sly sets traps for the bad guys gives this movie redemption. However, the characters in question could've been a little bolder, a little more gunplay is needed, and I have a major beef with discrepancies in the May Munro story. She looks 35, now if her parents were killed when she was a little girl, shouldn't Tomas be a tad older(he looked the same age in her flashback) The Specialist would've been a great movie if the plot was better explained and more intense.


Although Stallone was already a big budget Hollywood star with many a title under his belt with Sharon Stone who also had a few films (most noticeably 'Basic Instinct') going for her and James Woods, again, with some reasonably successful outings (most notably in my opinion a 'Simpsons' episode), 'The Specialist' fails to live up to its talent hype and attempt as a film noir come action film.

What struck me upon looking this film up after seeing it was the director. He'd had hardly any experience previous to this film and thinking back to the film itself; it's no wonder it really turned out the way it did. A big budget and a big cast with a screenplay that wasn't terrible probably demanded a bigger and better director. I could kick around a few names like 'John Woo' but I won't get too into that.

Fatally, The Specialist doesn't do right what it's supposed to do right. The camera work is bad (I actually spotted one instance of camera shake in this film), the fight scenes are poorly choreographed and badly executed, the dialogue is a bit iffy at best and is rather clichéd at times and the stereotypes of Colombian drug lords are laughable. With the action scenes, the extras just sit up waiting to be hit and are poorly put together in a way that you can see Stallone's next move as he wins the punch-up from a beaten position. The dialogue put across via the recorded phone messages feels forced and they snap back at one another too quickly. The character played by Rod Stieger is a little too stereotypical and his pronunciation of the word 'you' like 'jew' can only be taken seriously for so long before a serious scene involving intense dialogue is broken up by a smirk here and there.

What makes the film also rather cheesy is the editing at some points. Early on in the film, a character threatens Stallone at knife point and asks him a question. Cut to a reaction shot of a silent Stallone and immediately, the character asks the question again  not even giving Stallone the time it takes to blink to reply. This was very noticeable and good editing, as they say, is un-noticeable. One other incident is where Stallone sneaks up on a pistol wielding guard during a hotel evacuation and knocks him out from behind in the lobby area. We keep on the same camera and pan as he runs away. From this, we see that for the entire time, people (extras) have been running right past, merely feet from the assault and don't even batter an eyelid at what just happened as Stallone runs off in the OPPOSITE direction.

Every action film has its effects and this films' was poor. The blatant blue screen effect of the water getting closer and closer via the window as the suite breaks off the side of the hotel and falls to the sea as a guy waves frantically at the camera crashing towards him without trying to get away really brought out a long shake of the head from me. The fact when one of the bombs went off in the room, one guy fell down before the other was also laughable. These are the action scenes of the film and should be suspenseful and nerve-wracking  not humorous, instead.

If you're looking for a decent Stallone action-based film from the mid-nineties, avoid this and see 'Assassins' instead. That film's particularly large cast rivals this one and the direction and script are a lot better.


Plot: Stallone is a 'specialist' (Oooh, so that's where they got the clever title from?) ex covert ops person who used to work with the frighteningly manic James Woods, until Woods decided it would be more fun to kill innocent people than to put up with Sly.

After the obligatory flashback scene explaining all this (Which I've just saved you the chore of having to watch if you've got better things to, like read the back of a cereal box) Woods now associates with the guy who killed Sharon Stone's family (Not in real life, the movie. Keep up!) When Stallone and Stone ultimately pair up, as you may have guessed they do, the situation becomes a sort of tag-team vengeance affair.

Am I making this sound boring? Sorry, but the story really is as uninteresting as all that. To pep things up, director Llosa (who henceforth shall be known by me as 'king of the over-sized B-movie', after directing this AND "Anaconda") spends more time than is strictly necessary on a gratuitous sex scene showing Stone (yay!) and Stallone (ugh!) naked, blows some things up and practically lets Woods do whatever he wants.

The script is laughably bad, and Stallone's acting tries its hardest to match it. I swear the guy thought he was doing Shakespeare, inserting needless pauses into his lines and never wavering from an absurdly solemn tone (Business as usual then for his worst work, only worse) The user who likened this to "The Red Shoe Diaries" pretty much nailed it. Most of us are aware that Stallone has done porn before, so perhaps he was yearning for a return to his roots.

It is pretty awful. No worse than the 'made for TV' stuff they crank out usually, but seemingly so just by virtue of who is in it. Even Woods having fun can't quite raise the audience to the level of doing the same. Only watch if you are EXTREMELY bored.


I am a huge fan of Stallone.. but this movie was ridiculously bad.. seriously.

Like I said.. never question my allegiance to the Sly movies.. but this movie was terrible. Bad acting all around (accept for James Woods at parts) bad plot. bad writing. bad screen play. bad character development. bad SEX SCENE (INCREDIBLY long, drawn out and totally unnecessary!)

I'm not gonna rip on stuff like how completely unlikely it is that someone (especially in 1994) would have as complex of devices as they had in this movie because lets face it, this isn't Stallone's first unrealistic movie nor is it probably his MOST unrealistic movie.

I did get a laugh at the hotel/bomb/water scene though... no spoiler there :)

Anyway, that's my opinion, take it or leave it.

Fox-x


Sylvester Stallone stars as Ray Quick, an assassin who is hired by a mysterious woman (Sharon Stone) who hires out his services to get vengeance on the mobsters who killed her family, along the way they fall for each other and the audience is bored by it all. James Woods pops up and provides the only real moments of interest but even he is wasted on garbage such as this. The problem with the movie is its awful script;The dialog is so stilted and artificial were shocked that doesn't involve androids. Stallone and Stone have no chemistry so basically we watch them discuss cat and mouse games that is hideously boring to watch. Also for some reason Stallone seems to think that saying nothing is akin to acting. Sorry, Sly but that isn't acting. Talented actors such as Eric Roberts and Rod Steiger look hopelessly lost with the lousy script as both of their characters (Despite being the main villains of the peace) are desperately underwritten. The Specialist is one of the worst movies of the 90's and even Sharon Stone's sex scene isn't that erotic, mainly because she is sharing it with Stallone. If you want to see these actors nude (And seek help if you want to see Sly in the buff) then watch Basic Instinct or one of his pornos, chances are you'll find better stories there.

1/2* Out Of 4-(Awful)


Sylvester Stallone stars as Ray Quick, a professional hitman hired by May Munro (Sharon Stone) who wants revenge for her parent's murder, in this overblown and sub-par actioner which stands out only for James Woods' performance as a crooked FBI agent. Other then that though, the movie is hideous and hideously dull.


Truly appalling This is an action movie by numbers... but the action isn't very exciting and the plot holes just annoy. For example, when rehashing the well worn cliche of hero deals with gang on bus, the violence is totally disproportionate to what the gang has done......and these little explosive devices that magically only take out one person (even knowing which way round they hold a saucer) are frankly dull

A bad plot with terrible acting and only semi-amusing stunts


Apart from the wooden acting, the heavy-handed direction, the vapid dialogue, farcical 'action' scenes and the incredulous plot, this movie was the worst film I've seen in a long, long time. Given a choice between stabbing myself repeatedly with a pen and watching this movie again, I'll take the pen.


If it were not for the appearance of Sharon Stone's ample mammae, this movie wouldn't even be worth the cost of the match to burn it with. I would endeavor to guess that the main actors in this movie donated their time and talents gratis, because I cannot imagine anyone paying for the services of professional actors just to let their talents languish in the doldrums of obscurity, drivel and overall bad acting. There are so many gosh awful movies these days I believe that the moguls of Hollywood have merely capitulated and sold their souls to the gods of the "box office take". This movie could have been just as successful with simply, Sharon Stone, and the rest of the roles could have been filled with "B" actors. What a waste of "A" talent.


From director Luis Llosa (Anaconda), I recognised the title immediately and remembered seeing a short trailer with the leading actor, so I decided to give it a try. Basically Ray Quick (Razzie nominated Sylvester Stallone) used to work for the CIA as a explosives expert, and he is now living as an outsider somewhere in Miami, Florida. He is hired by May Munro, living under the name Adrian Hastings (Razzie winning Sharon Stone) to help get revenge on those responsible for killing her parents Stan (Chase Randolph) and Alice (Jeana Bell) when she was young (Brittany Paige Bouck). Ray agrees to do this and manages to kill three of the mobsters, blowing them up, but one of them is Tomas Leon (The Dark Knight's Eric Roberts), son of crime boss Joe Leon (Razzie nominated Rod Steiger), and Ray's original friend, now enemy, Ned Trent (James Woods) is helping hunt down Ray as the murderer. Ray becomes suspicious of May, thinking that she has set him up, but they do eventually do team up to go against the bad guys. Also starring Mario Ernesto Sánchez as Charlie and Sergio Doré Jr. as Strongarm. Stallone is alright, Stone is her usual sexy and husky self, but she isn't great, but the big problem is that the explosions are mixed about in a stupidly paced film, so apart from these explosions, there's not much to be interested in. It won the Razzie for Worst Screen Couple for Stallone and Stone (tied with Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt in Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles), and it was nominated for Worst Picture. Adequate!


This has to be one of the most pointless movies to ever make it onto cinema screens. Whether that's a good or bad thing will ultimately be up to the viewer, but there is a good chance for big disappointment.

The plot and the acting, and pretty much everything about this movie puts it on par with direct-to-video action movies. The only thing better are the the special effects, mainly comprising of juicy slow motion explosions, including a hilariously exploding hotel room. Now there is nothing inherently wrong with B-grade action movies, they can be entertaining in their own way, but the thing is when they are viewed they are picked up to be watched, you know what you're getting. The ultimate undoing of this film is that it was not released as a B-movie, but a big studio action film and that's where it is going to disappoint. With all that money you'd think that they'd produce something a few notches better than this.

There are a few pluses here: the many explosions, James Woods in a decent crazy villain role, and a shower scene with the two attractive stars, but still - something's missing. Maybe the film could have been a bit shorter and thus brisker. Or maybe a more satisfying final confrontation between hero and villain. Or maybe even both. --- 4/10

BsCDb Classification: 13+ --- violence, sexual content


Well, I had the pleasure of catching the last hour of this one on the late-night cable at the airport hotel. I sort of enjoyed it, but then, it had no competition and I wasn't ready to fall asleep yet. While playing spin-the-dial, I found a natty James Woods emotionally torturing a comatose Sharon Stone, and I thought "Well, at least there'll be something interesting to watch until that wedding party finishes up downstairs".

I won't say I enjoyed it completely, but these were probably the best circumstances under which to watch it. Also, I missed the first hour, so part of my brain was able to work at reconstructing the plot while I watched the eye-candy. I agree with the reviewer who said that it looked terrific; Miami was beautiful and the colors were sparkling clear.

What I enjoyed-- (**POSSIBLE SPOILERS, BUT DOES IT REALLY MATTER?**)

James Woods, of course. I only managed to see Eric Roberts for about five minutes before he had that fatal cup of coffee, but I liked him in their "final confrontation" scene. Then, when James lost it on the phone with Sly, I think he earned his paycheck in ten minutes of screen time. Too bad about that innocent phone...

The sex-in-the-shower scene. Sly looked (and acted) like a Classical Greek sculpture. I don't even remember what Sharon Stone looked like naked, but then, to be fair, she was covered up a lot of the time. I do remember that Sly had better breasts. Not surprising that he has a porn background. One question: does the shower drain leave a permanent mark?

Finally, I loved the small touches of humor, and there were a few. I especially enjoyed the scene when Sly blew the Crab Shack and it began raining live crustaceans. You just don't see that often enough in today's films...

So, two out of ten, with an extra point for being there when I needed it.


I've read all the comments posted here and am not surprised to find that almost everyone finds it to be an obnoxious movie. I watched "Passenger 57" first; kept wondering why Snipes was so thug-ish during the whole film, till he walked into the sunlight with the pretty lady. Then, found a VHS of "The Specialist" and subjected myself to another two hours of junk, with "The Italian Stallion". Double UGH ! I think I was so shocked from four hours of this kind of "action" movies, I was paralyzed, unable to get-up and switch from "video" to satellite-TV. Didn't really have to get-up - I could have clicked it all away. Problem is, out of all those satellite-channels, there was nothing good or nothing I hadn't already seen....

....I blame myself....

I was enlightened with how many users knew so much trivia about "The Specialist". I had never heard of the film; I got a good education on it. $15-mil for Stallone ("Ray Quick") ??? If his career is on the skids, why does he command such a high fee? (Not surprised to learn he has done porn in the past; that's not my being dumb, just haven't been that interested in him since "Rambo".) $45-mil to make the movie? WOW ! Just think how many good things all that money could have done. I didn't see "Anaconda," and am now glad - so, I wasn't aware that Luis Llosa directed both films. I'm not one to worship at directors' doors. One good movie doesn't mean they ALL are going to be good. One-at-a-time, please....

For a long time, I've been wondering why actors/actresses think whispering their lines is sexy, or demonstrating they know how to emote. Stallone should have pitched his voice at a higher tone, and stopped trying to get all those weird mouth-movements onto film.

On the other hand, James Woods ("Ned Trent") needed a muzzle for his hollering - or someone in the sound-booth to turn-down the volume. I am hoping his beyond-over-the-top screaming was done for camp. The only positive comment I can give for these two actors is, I'm glad age has filled-in their faces....both were always gaunt-looking. I was also surprised to see that Stallone is no taller than Sharon Stone ("Munro-Hastings"). The sex-scene in the shower exposed his backside, no bubble-butt, guys....

Let's face it, Stone hasn't done anything good since "Basic Instinct." Her entire career has been one of every actor she's appeared with, with their hands all over (and inside) of her body. "Instinct" was a first-time shocker - enough, already ! I must also comment that micro-mini skirts were not in style for the 90s: a huge, veiled hat and a dress that hardly covered her panties, in a church?

Like many, I didn't recognize Rod Steiger ("Joe Leon"). Sad deterioration. I finally remembered Eric Roberts ("Tomas Leon") from "Runaway Train", A "pretty-boy" type he is not....now.

"Paul Andrew's" comment says it all for me, although I agree with the majority of the other comments. I don't even consider the few opinions who thought it was the best film ever made - in just the period of the 90s ?? Wow! again...

I found no redeeming nor entertaining qualities for "The Specialist," except for how hard the special-effects artists were hitting it, and the pretty colors the explosions made. If this is the best Llosa can do with all that money and directing-scripting, no wonder he isn't getting any work. I found the sets and locations to be colorful, but that doesn't replace a good STORY........the only good thing I found in this movie is, I saw it free......


Dreary action vehicle for Sylvester Stallone is a bone-crushing bore. Here he portrays...oh, who cares? It is basically the same riff he had done in the majority of his films. A dour Sharon Stone is on-hand as an enigmatic woman who coerces bomb expert Stallone into assassinating the Mafia clan that killed her family. Rod Steiger offers yet another horrible example of overacting as the head of the gangster family. In a ludicrous move, Eric Roberts portrays the assassin responsible for killing Stone's family when she was a little girl. Now an adult, she is playing up to him for revenge. Of course, there is only a two-year age difference between the actors and the film seems to be trying to convince us that there is a huge age difference. The opening scenes are basically a series of phone calls between the leads. You know the film is in trouble when Stallone's lasagna lips render a good portion of the crummy dialog unintelligible and Stone responds by remarking how much she likes his voice. Stallone purportedly campaigned to cast Stone as the lead, but someone forgot to write her a role. She spends the majority of the film as eye candy, cowering or being pulled around, pretty much like a traditional action heroine. There is nothing for her to sink her teeth into. There is a steamy shower scene near the midway point which deftly showcases the daunting physiques of the stars, but other than that there is literally nothing else to recommend the film in the slightest. Oh yeah, James Woods is also in the film, but charitable audiences may do him a favor and forget he was even in it.


This is just another mediocre action flick with bad dialogue, bad acting, an iffy plot, and lots of gratuitous explosions.

Plenty of "what the heck were they thinking" material here, too. Like, Rod Steiger playing a Latino (or maybe just a white guy with a Latino accent). Which, I guess, makes Eric Roberts' character Latino. Roberts is, of course, reliably unlikeable--the kind of character that makes you count the seconds wishing for his death scene to just come already.

There's also a laughable scene showing intercut shots of Sly Stallone doing some ballet aerobics (or something) in his house while Sharon Stone just stands in the middle of her own living room doing a Marylin Monroe in front of her open breezy windows.

Stallone and Stone's love scene, which shows plenty of Stallone's icky spider-web shoulder veins, is also pretty strange. It's got Stallone curling up in the most feminine way possible, like something out of a deranged Victoria's Secret catalogue. He makes Sharon Stone look masculine and very unsexy just by being in the same frame with her. Pardon me for a moment, but... eeeeyeck! I think I need a shower now too.

Two more criticisms: 1) This has one of the cheesiest moments I've ever seen in an action film that's supposed to at least have high production value, if nothing else. 2) What the heck happened to the cat at the end? He was the only character I cared about!

Like I said, James Woods is the only thing this movie's got going for it. He gives a great performance as the villain.

Stallone should've stayed away from trying to play macho tough guys and stuck to playing likeable underdogs with tough guy tendencies, like in "Rocky" and "Cop Land"--it's the only time he's ever been good.

3/10 stars (mostly for Woods).


This movie was stupid. I mean who thought of Sylvester Stallone and Sharon Stone, together? It's completely annoying and is one of those films that the best part is the credits because the viewer can now breathe a sigh of relief that they made it through the film. Stone's yelps every time there is an explosion is very annoying as well.

don't's vote: 3 out of 10


Tu pa tam is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. But on the other hand is better then most of the movies from Slovenia, who are filled with depressing characters and story without any bright ideas. Tu pa tam is bright, optimistic and without any artistic moments. In many interviews director Mitja Okorn tried to tell us that his movie is top quality just because it didn't cost a lot of money. But thinking that way is wrong. Tu pa tam is for me very bad movie. The dialogs are really bad written (90% of the script is consisted of cursing), the characters are stereotypical morons, the story and its twists are very predictable and the action sequences (this movie supposed to be an action comedy) are filmed very very bad and without any style. Okorn is just thinking he's even bigger than Quentin Tarantino, so he's copying his style over all 90 minutes. The humor in the movie is very cheap and primitive (Okorn probably thinks that constant cursing is funny). In my opinion is Tu pa tam very cheap (not only by budget)movie with stupid story and very very bad acting.


Iron Monkey would not have been so bad if it had been subtitled instead of dubbed over, but it would still have been awful.

The fight scenes are crappy and everything else is unintentionally funny. The direction is...well... bad. Many things about this movie are BAD. The cinematography, if you can call it that, is choppy, crappy, uneven and fake. Most parts when they are trying to make it look like something is falling into place, it looks like they shot it falling (or CGI'd it) then shot a seperate cut with it in place. Really REALLY crappy movie.

This is one of the worst martial arts movies I have ever seen. It's not even funny, just painfully bad. I'll give it 2/10 just because some of the fight scenes were mediocre, not terrible.


I was zapping through, looking for something to watch in a post-lunch Sunday afternoon when I stopped at this TV show which usually airs martial arts films. I stood in rapt amazement when I saw that this week film would be "Iron Monkey II". I had rented the first film (from 1993, remastered by Tarantino in 2002, I think) and had really enjoyed it. So I thought: "Ok, Donnie Yen kicking asses throughout the film"... how wrong I was! The plot is somewhat hard to explain: a brother and a sister cheat a just-arrived-in-town guy to help them rob some weapons. Then they get in trouble with the "mafia-like-bad-guy" of the film. Meanwhile, the cheated guy is looking for his dad and bumps into Iron Monkey.

The first film depicted the Iron Monkey as a sort of ninja, concealing his identity. Donnie Yen played a support role there. Here, he's the Monkey, but he wears no mask (except in one scene but you can't even get if it's him or someone else), and wanders around trying to save the day with his face revealed. Furthermore, the action, if any, is focused on the two brothers and the other guy, and the Monkey does not appear much. The rest is the usual fighting scenes Asian films have accustomed us to. It managed to keep me watching, but merely to see something spectacular happen (and I'm still waiting) A BIG problem here is that the movie does not fit much with the first one: the 1993 film was set in the 19th century. This one goes in the 20th, and the Monkey is probably the only link to the other. I'm inclined to believe this was a script (how rare it sounds here) for something else, and they turned it into this sequel. If so, they should not have stained the previous movie with such a mediocre result.

Conclussion: if you like Donnie Yen, try and watch "Heroes among Heroes", his cameos in "Shanghai Knights", "Highlander:Endgame", "Blade II", or the original Monkey (All but Blade are recommended) rather than this. If you like martial arts, watch it without expectation and you might end up not THAT disappointed, like me.

I give it a 3.


Well compared to the brilliant Iron Monkey 1... This sucks! Compared to most other martial arts movies... it still sucks! The movie is totally weird. They said on the cover Donnie Yen starred in it and Yuen Woo Ping directed it, but apparently Yuen Woo Ping had nothing to do with the entire project and Donnie is only there for a minute or 20. So basically we're dealing with some unknowns whose fights scenes are silly, are acting badly, portraying a story that is totally ridiculous and filled with plot holes so big you can run Eddie Murphy's repertoire of yo-mama jokes through it.

The only thing from keeping this movie from a 1 are the fight scenes where Donnie and Billy are in. Donnie fights a bunch of baddies hand to hand and with a rope dart, beating them all up in a fairly nice manner. The fight is cool, although sped up to an incredible extent. Donnie's fast, but not that fast. It's strange how he (or they) speed up all his fights that much. Then Billy and Donnie duke it out, the piéce de la résistance of the finale. Cool, but still so super fast and therefor less cool then it could have been.


this could be the worst kung fu movie ever...which is sad to say! Donnie Yen was great in Iron Monkey, but this is nothing like that GREAT movie.

So be prepared to be severely let down. but i must say that Donnie Yen still rocks!!!


Inspector Cool Head (not my translation), an honest cop who suspects a frame on someone accused of murder. It's the kind of movie you keep telling yourself, I'm just going to watch it for another 5 minutes.....next thing you know the movie is over. At times the DVD picture was clean, but more often than not it seemed I was watching a tape in extended play. I would recommend a rental instead of a purchase.


How dare they call this IM2! Horrible movie. What was Ping thinking? As far as the confusing plot goes.. whatever!

Only thing good about this move is that it has Donnie Yen (who was fantastic in OUATIC 2, Wing Chun and Iron Monkey [in fact all three of these I consider some of the best of the best], shows off some impressive Wing Chun skills).

So, if you want to see some good Wing Chun and don't care about the horrible setting. Go for it.


The underlying premise of Rescue Me is the often proved notion that the adolescent male will do just about anything to win the affections of the female of the species. Post puberty is one dangerous age, some of us actually never grow out of it.

Stephen Dorff is this gawky 16 something who wants more than anything to win cheerleader Ami Dolenz. But in the pecking order of high school she's the property of jock Danny Nucci and he's the jealous type. But when a pair of dangerous, but not terribly bright criminals kidnap Dolenz to get ransom from her rich daddy, it's Dorff to the rescue, aided and abetted by former Green Beret Michael Dudikoff.

In this comedy, that doesn't quite click all the time, the best acting is done by the crooks William Lucking and Peter DeLuise. DeLuise especially is a whole suit short of a full deck. Good thing he's so dumb or Dorff would have been dead meat. As it is he's got to be pulled from harm's way several times by Dudikoff.

Rescue Me is your typical teen comedy that with the presence of action star Michael Dudikoff tries to expand a bit the normal audience for such things. You've got to have a juvenile mind to truly enjoy Rescue Me.


STAR RATING: ***** Saturday Night **** Friday Night *** Friday Morning ** Sunday Night * Monday Morning

Burnt out Vietnam vet Mac McDonald (action 'superstar' Michael Dudikoff-hahaha- as he is described on the back cover) now gets by making dodgy deals with shady characters. But when a deal goes wrong, a young woman is kidnapped and is witnessed by Fraser (Stephen Dorff) a young man who's been following her around photographing her. Mac and Fraser are unwittingly thrown together in a desperate cross country chase to find her, getting on each other's nerves no end but bonding together more and more so as the chase goes on.

Dudikoff wishes he was an 'action superstar' or even that anyone would care to see him in a break from form in this sort of buddy buddy, male bonding sort of film. What's more surprising is a much younger Stephen Dorff in the supporting role, a 'before he was famous' moment before he was the villain in the Blade films. But what a creepy character he's playing, a kid who basically stalks the hot chick from school on his scooter bike, flashing his camera at her...no wonder she wants nothing to do with him. You wonder what's on his mind, tying her up, raping her, chopping her into tiny little pieces??? Urrgh, most unpleasant character. Aaargh, but then his daddy's been killed in the army, so maybe he's not so awful after all. But then later on, to wit a touching, sentimental moment when he has a heart to heart and then loses his virginity to a prostitute?!? What's going on with this film??? And then there's Dudikoff, who we have every reason to believe is a drug dealer until about a quarter of the way into it. Oh, so he's dealing stamps, he's still dealing with criminals, or people he must be smart enough to know are criminals, so that doesn't make it much better, does it?

On less creepy, morally troubling notes, the film just seems to be a mess of all different types of films, unsure of what it actually wants to be. An action film, a male bonding film, a rites of passage adventure, a comedy. It certainly doesn't work as all of these and in the end just comes off as very boring, with any sign of decent action at the end, by which time you've long lost interest. Stay away. *


It may be an obvious disclaimer, but don't expect much from this kidnapper caper. There's plenty to make this an unconvincing story, but I'm sure that viewers will mostly be interested in its nostalgic factor, particularly since it's young stars include pre-fame Stephen Dorff and 80s mischief comedy regular, Ami Dolenz. Dorff plays Fraser, a smart, shy teen who is smitten with the untouchable bubbly blonde cheerleader, Ginny Grafton. Of course, he goes to great lengths to play hero when she is kidnapped by two bumbling drug dealers when Ginny and her obnoxious jock boyfriend (Danny Nucci) inadvertently interfere in the deal. A young, rugged looking Michael Dudikoff plays Mac, who was on the receiving end of this failed drug deal and is blackmailed by Fraser, who happened to be hiding in the trees waiting to photograph his dreamgirl skinny dipping at the lake, but instead, caught Mac, the kidnappers, and Ginny on film instead.

Fraser blackmails Mac into helping him rescuing Ginny, but the film breaks from the thrills of the chase with incessant father-figure bonding between Fraser and misunderstood Mac as well as Fraser's hopeless quest (a little late in his years) to get a girl to like him. In particular, Ginny - who seems caught up in her own world to even give much care to the fact that she's been held for ransom by Rowdy (Peter Deluise) and Kurt (William Lucking). Fraser's sensitivity seems to overtake much of the film, and aside from a few humorous moments between the dufus kidnapping duo, the rest of the movie becomes irritating, so concentrated on Fraser's desperation.

If they had a written a decent story and stuck to the whole caper aspect of the movie, this might've been a pretty decent (though likely still obscure) story.


Michael Dudikoff stars as Mac, a Vietnam vet(Isn't Mikey Dudikoff too young to be a Vietnam vet?) who is blackmailed by a high school nerd(Dorff) to help track down the kidnapped girl of his dreams (Ami Dolenz) in this low budget effort. I remember actually seeing previews for this on late night TV, naturally this didn't do all that well in theaters. I think the problem is that Rescue Me often times feels like a sitcom rather than an action/comedy. There are some moments between Dudikoff and Dorff but mainly any depth is betrayed by the mindless antics here.

*1/2 out of 4-(Poor)


I suppose there are ways in which this could have worked. The final film could have an irony towards the trademarks of the old ones. The somewhat invariable plot structure of the original series could be gently poked fun at. Most likely, of course, no movie should have been made in this series after the two-part ending of 1981... but it was. And boy did they mess up royally. Yvonne is very sorely missed. The fact that the film does not featuring her is about as subtle as a pack of angry bulls running amok in a ceramics store that is being ravaged by a tornado. The character of Ruth, as portrayed by Grethe Sønck, is a pretty poor substitute... no offense to the actress, who is quite talented, but no one could have filled the shoes of Kirsten Walther. That fact alone should have discouraged them from creating this. Everything that the old films built up over the first four films and then maintained steadily through no less than nine entries is picked up, raised high in the air, ungentlemanly dropped and repeatedly jumped on, until there is nothing of the magic left, and everything that was once great about this franchise is destroyed beyond recognition. The humorous antics of these excellent actors put together by two great writers in a marvelous comedy series is reduced to a bunch of old men yelling. The humor that in the old ones was so sophisticated, light and clever is now indiscreet, noisy and lame. The movie isn't funny, to put it simply. The gags are overplayed and rarely contain actual humor. One scene is painfully drawn-out and cartoony in its feeble attempts at being entertaining. The senility is pushed to the extreme, in spite of this series earlier attempts at joking with that topic having been right on the mark and quite successful. I don't believe I smiled once throughout watching this... and this was definitely my very last viewing. The film is by no means an Olsen-Banden film... it starts, progresses and ends too different from the others. I understand and can almost appreciate the attempted nostalgia, but when it so viciously devastates everything that made these movies good... they should have let this franchise be. After this came the Christmas calendar of which the very logic and basic concept is deeply flawed and contradicts the series(disrespecting its very roots, though not in the least as much as this does), and the movie following the idea of aforementioned calendar, which I continually refuse to watch. So far, that's the last of the "revival" of(more like cash-in on) the famous, loved and astounding old series... let's hope it stays that way. Cinematography is nice. Plot is contrived, writing poor. The costumes and production design fits the style of the old films, although here, much of it looks out of place. The film fails to create one single memorable scene. Near the end, all the characters - new and old alike - are collected together in one scene, around a dozen, with less than half of them having anything to do. In many ways, this is a sophomoric effort. In more ways, it's humiliating and embarrassing. The very ending, the last of the film does possess a single clever comment... but by then, it's much, much too late. There is nothing left to even try to save. Had they only stopped in '81. There's a saying... "leave them wanting more". This film left me wishing I hadn't had quite so much. I don't really recommend this to anyone. Have someone describe the ending to you, and make sure they don't tell you anything else about the film. 1/10


This movie should never have been made. All of the 13 Olsen-Banden films belong to the Danish movie treasure. All of them are good, some of them are great, but all of them are Classics. I say this; there are only thirteen Olsen-Banden film.

It is better to pretend that this mistake was never made, as it is nothing but a sad and pathetic attempt, to reanimate a series that ended gracefully a long time ago.

There is nothing more to say, while many of the old actors are still there, several of them died under recording, unfortunately this wasn't enough to stop this atrocity from being made.


This was one of those comedy films where I liked all the characters, especially the young girl who befriends the Spaceman, but there just wasn't enough really funny material to make the film fly. There are some good ideas here, but the director doesn't seem to know if he's making a serious movie or a B movie or a spoor or what. If it was trying to be like the later hit "Lost Skeleton of Cadavra", I'd just have to say it failed mostly because it was too modern in some parts. I heard it was produced by the guy who does "The Onion" but I saw no satire whatsoever here. It wasn't a terrible movie and I didn't find it annoying. In fact I was quite intrigued by the story. But it didn't go in either direction, to become a self-serious B movie like "Hideous Sun Demon" or to spoof itself like Roger Corman's "Bucket of Blood". This film got lost somewhere in the middle, and a slew of decent performances from totally unknown actors went with it. Maybe it was just the very serious tone of the film, I don't know.

At any rate, this film would only be recommended for those who are seriously bored.


Words can't describe just how bad this movie is. I don't care that they probably spent about a buck fifty (that isn't in thousands by the way) on actually making this movie. This movie is just bad bad bad bad. I'm not sure you could find a more tragic waste of your time than watching this movie. Well, except for maybe if you watched Lust for Frankenstein. Watching both movies as a double-header might actually incite you to serious thoughts of suicide.


this movie was...horrible. just painful to watch, i'm amazed that i actually sat through the whole thing without clawing my eyes out. I'm all for silliness and aliens and kung fu, but...this just didn't work, it was a halfbaked plot that was horribly acted and just sad...really sad, i don't even want to imagine the pitch this movie had. how any studio or anyone could actually consider this script is just...beyond me. I fear many brain cells have been killed watching this movie, the humor is too narrow, it would only appeal to a certain sort of people and thankfully that type of person is few and far between. The jokes got old and the plot was contrived the acting mediocre, and my god half of the movie wasn't even imperitive, just a lot of filler time. but the last scene with the ninja was amusing...till they started talking again.


I wonder: What the Sci-Fi channel was thinking when they put on this muck?

Was it a parody? Satire? No it was just bad. What was with the barber/mobsters? Absolutely idiotic. Then ninjas?

Unfunny, silly (but not in a funny way), stupid characters and costumes, the worst production values and a dumber plot.

Using IMDB I checked up on the mind-numbing cast, just to make sure I didn't accidently see them in any other films.

PLEASE DO NOT WATCH THIS FILM.


Parts of this movie were filmed in Excelsior Springs, MO and Henrietta, MO. The house (where he mingled with the "locals" and tried to explain what a "Semantics Professor" was) and the grocery store (where he bought the ice cream that he tossed out of his car), and the beauty shop were all in Excelsior Springs. The Drive In Theater was in Henrietta. It no longer exists. The bar scenes look like they may have been filmed in Orrick, MO, but not sure about that.

When they were at the Drive In making out, I was the out-of-focus person in the blue shirt walking back from the concession stand seen through the rear window of the Porsche. I was fourteen. All of us got paid $15.00 a day and got to eat catered food.

We all had a blast. But the movie sucks. My attorney is still trying to get me listed in the credits as the "Out-of-focus-concession-patron-guy-#1". I'll keep you posted.


They should remake/reimagine 'The Stuff.' The premise is good, for B-Movie quality, that is, and was originally well executed in the film. Then all of a sudden, the director and actors remembered they were making a silly B-Movie and acted accordingly. But, even with the worst B-Movies, there is always a level of consistency, such as the similar 'The Blob.' The original 'Blob' showed us a creature (mass) that consumed victims and grew bigger. The horrid 1988 remake showed us a (now) pink blob and gave a more realistic reasoning behind why it consumed humans. (Pink?) 'Stuff' shows us some yogurt that pumps from the ground, sometimes moves on its own, sometimes doesn't. Sometimes it leaves its host and returns, sometimes it leaves killing the host. Sometimes it's allergic to fire (a cheap reverse rip off of the freezing cold enemy of the Blob) sometimes it rolls in it. Sometimes it needs to be refrigerated, sometimes it's fine warm. There was no consistency. I am aware it is a campy B-Movie, but like I said in the beginning, there was hope here for a decent sci-fi thriller  so remake it with a better script. It was if the creators had "special effects" to spare and screamed 'Look at what I can do!' (Said in best Stuart voice from MadTV reruns.) Believe it or not, the main character (not that boy  oh, God, I hope this was his first/last film) 'Mo' Rutherford (Michael Moriarty) was actually funny enough to get through to the end. I first watched this film when I was 8 or 9 and it freaked me out beyond terror. Not that I would recommend it to the under 10 crowd, but you'd really have to have that mentality to be scared of'The Stuff.'


I have been trying to find this movie for over the last 20yrs. Back in 1985, I saw the trailer for it on T.V. and it started out with an ice cream truck driving down the street. Some kids and adults gathered around the truck while the announcers stated that "The Stuff" was here. It's creamy, yummy and you can't get enough of it. Then it showed a man who had eaten about half his ice cream cone and the announcer changed his tone and said, "It will take you over, eat you and kill you." and the camera zooms up on the guys mouth, and you can see the creamy white "Stuff" eating away the inside of his mouth. Bleah!! It was pretty gross and freaked me out back then. Something like this would have 4-10yrs old running from their T.V. sets. Talk about setting up kids for nightmares.

I tried googling "parasite eating ice cream" to no avail, until one day on IMDb, I was looking up info on an old "Snuff" film from the 70's and saw "The Stuff" come up. Immediately, I knew this was the film. So I ran to the video store and was able to rent it.

Not only was this movie, not scary, but the acting and the comedic nature were even worse. To make a long story short, here is the premise. Two guys working at a petroleum factory stumble across a pool of white creamy stuff in the ground. One of the guys sticks his finger in it and tastes it. Now I don't know about you, buy any normal person would never taste anything coming out of the ground unless it was water from a Spring pool. Anyway, the guy who tastes it says it taste real good. So good in fact, that they decide to market it as a new kind of ice cream treat, even though it's "not" ice cream. Before you know it, it's the best thing since the hot dog and everyone is eaten the stuff in gallons. People who try it, can't stop eating it. This causes other tasty treats on the market to lose profits. Several snack food manufacturers come together and hire an investigator to find out where and how this "Stuff" is made. In comes David 'Mo' Rutherford, the private detective who will investigate this tasty treat's mystery. He soon finds out that "The Stuff" is causing people to become uncontrollable zombies. The Stuff takes over their bodies and when it's done using them, it eats their insides and leaves through their mouths. It's alive. He also eventually finds out where this stuff is being stored.

The special effects of this "stuff" is average at best. The movie "The Blob" (Steve McQueen) did a better job and that came out many years before this. The acting is pretty back. Only Michael Moriarty seems to be enjoying himself. Paul Sorvino and Danny Aiello are completely wasted in this film. Garrett Morris makes a short appearance, but he was actually better in "Car Wash" then in this campy horror flick. Actually, his scene is the only scary part in the film. You'll see.

The whole movie is pretty far fetched and if this "stuff" was at retailers everywhere, wouldn't there be other investigators and even FBI agents investigating this problem? I think Larry Cohen was basically trying to send a message to consumers who constantly eat and drink the same bad foods day after day (Starbucks coffee, donuts, burgers, french fries and of course ice cream). He's saying don't eat this crap as it can eventually kill you, just like "The Stuff". We get it, but it still doesn't make the movie any better.

I also think some of the scenes were removed from the film as well. Besides the ice cream truck scene in the trailer, I thought the poster scene with Jason's family in the kitchen on the floor being eaten by the Stuff was in the movie as well. It didn't show up on the DVD, so either it was cut or it never existed and I'm imagining things. A sequel to this movie could be interested if done right. The story of how the "stuff" is discovered would need to be changed of course, but an adequate sequel could be accomplished. Similar to how "The Blobl" was remade.

This movie is not really worth a look. If you must see it, just rent it. It's not even a horror cult classic like The Cube, Phantasm, The Howling or Donnie Darko. I gave it a 4/10 and that was probably being generous. If you're going to made a comical horror film, watch Evil Dead and Evil Dead 2 and take lots of notes. "The Stuff" isn't funny or scary. It's mostly a waste of time.


after seeing a few .gifs, i decided that renting The Stuff would be worth it. now, the movie itself is pretty crummy - strange bursts of acting from some familiar (in usually better movies) actors. on to the real reason i rented this, the special effects. there's a small part where a puppet of a dog is spasming as it belching up The Stuff. that part reminded me a bit of The Thing (which has amazing SFX, to this day). also, there is a tiny snippet of gore where two of the protagonists burst open some goon's heads (pretty fake looking, but kind of entertaining). the stuff itself is animated with computers, i think, and is enjoyable to watch it slide around. lastly, and probably the best of the SFX moments, is when one of the main characters starts twisting about and pukes up the evil ooze before exploding. if you can stomach some weak performances, this is worth a cheap (cost me 50 cents) rental to watch the SFX. otherwise, see the much superior "melting" movie Street Trash. I ordered another melting movie called "Body Melt", which will probably turn out better than this. overall rating: four out of ten possible stars.


This movie has three serious flaws. It never finds a focus, (ultimately, I cared very little about any of the characters), it has the always fateful flaw of dialog that gets lost in whispered tones or buried beneath the score or SFX, and finally ... WHY, in heaven's name is Anthony Hopkins using his not-so-convincing American accent to play a character that could have been played better by half-a-dozen American actors? And I'm a Hopkins fan! Sorry, it just doesn't work. Although it tries to be both a suspense and love story, it accomplishes neither. That's all the more frustrating when the end arrives with what I assume is an homage to Casablanca. The whole thing is poorly focused and generally weak, despite solid performances by Isabella and Scott.


I knew nothing of this but the fact that it was adapted from a novel by the brilliant Ian McEwan (which I had not read), was directed by John Schlesinger (whose A Kind of Loving, Midnight Cowboy, Sunday Bloody Snday, Far From the Madding Crowd and particularly Darling I have always loved), and starred three actors I liked - Anthony Hopkins, Isabella Rosselini and Campbell Scott.

With these people, how could this have been SO awful? Oh my! From the very beginning, when we see that all three lead actors are chosen for roles different than their own nationalities - an absolutely bizarre Anthony Hopkins with an atrocious American accent playing a character created out of some apparent hatred of Americans, a wee timid Campbell Scott playing an Englishman who had apparently never really left the nursery and an Isabella Rosselini playing a German hausfrau -- we realize something is seriously SERIOUSLY wrong here.

We see scene after tedious scene that we've witnessed filmed FAR more interestingly in hundreds of other films.

We care nothing for the characters.

There are whole plot angles that are simply left dangling.

This is a disaster. Avoid it.


What on earth was this one?????

Apart for 1 (that is ONE) scene (the pink petals that were falling as the hero was walking) this movie was plain horrible. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry with this one. If you want to feel like Beavis and Butt-head when they watch something undescribable on TV, then this is the movie to create this emotion.

Thumbs way the f--- down!


Tried to talk the kids out of this one but got stuck seeing it anyway. This is another in a trend of kids movies where morals go right out the window. Now, I like cute dog tricks as much as the next person, but this movie takes the cake. A building is broken into, stuff is stolen, numerous laws are broken, a work truck is repeatedly used without permission, adults are physically assaulted...but hey, they saved some dogs so all that stuff is cool and the kids "did the right thing" in the end.

The acting is cardboard grade. And how on earth could a movie mess up pee pee and poop jokes in a movie aimed at children? I don't know, but this one sure did. In a crowded theater full of children, only a couple of them actually laughed at the toilet humor. That's a sad commentary on the movie itself...when even the poop jokes aren't funny to little kids.

As numerous comments have already pointed out, the only thing this movie had going for it was the dogs. I will give it three out of ten stars out of respect for the dogs. If the dogs were gone, the only thing stopping this movie from getting negative ratings would be the fact that you can't do that on IMDb.

Parents, if your kids love dogs, I'm sure there are better ways to let them see a movie about them than this movie.


Hotel for Dogs plays it very safe and sticks to a tried-and-true children's movie formula. For a great many viewers the best thing about the film will be the cute and cuddly dogs that perform various tricks  their training is easily more impressive than the humdrum story, based on a hopefully more consequential Lois Duncan book. The dialogue lacks flair, the acting is expectedly simple, and the characters provide only modest entertainment in comparison to their canine costars. Adults will probably find it difficult to withstand the sickeningly sweet conclusion or the impossibly artificial mechanics behind the inner workings of the dog hotel, but the target audience is likely to be pleased.

16-year-old Andi (Emma Roberts) and her 11-year-old brother Bruce (Jake Austin) have bounced back and forth between orphanages and foster parents (five in the last three years) without finding comfort or satisfaction. Bernie (Don Cheadle), the kindly social worker who governs their placements tries to reason with the children, who aren't content with their newest family of quiver-inducing wannabe rockstars (Lisa Kudrow and Kevin Dillon) who conduct obnoxious band practice in their apartment nonstop, and compulsively lock up the cupboards and cabinets in their home. The brother and sister team have also been secretly keeping a pet dog, Friday, who uses automated gadgets constructed by the mechanically inclined Bruce to get food and to remain hidden.

Before school starts up, the troublemaking duo (they get money for dog food by pawning fraudulent goods) comes across an abandoned hotel with several canine occupants. Deciding to look after their newfound family of dogs, Andi and Bruce join forces with two employees from the nearby pet store (Johnny Simmons and Kyla Pratt) along with nosey Mark (Troy Gentile), to build an elaborate self-maintained shelter for unwanted, abandoned and stray dogs. Initially it seems they've bitten off more than they can chew, especially when cruel dog pound troops, nagging foster parents and pesky cops begin to take notice of the incredibly large gathering of dogs at the dilapidated old building.

The target audience probably won't be asking the questions that popped into my mind: How can an 11-year-old kid build such intricate mechanical contraptions? Is it really that easy to train dozens of dogs to use said electrical gadgets? Is it simply luck that none of the dogs need medical attention? Is it really okay for children to commit crimes such as breaking and entering, trespassing, and even assault, as long as it's done with the intent of saving stray animals? Clearly this film wasn't designed for me, but the trite dialogue (Kevin Dillon mutters the stale line, "We're in deep doo doo," after falling into an enormous animal waste bin), the predictability of Bernie's role, the sappy ending and the Kill Bill music montage (Tomoyasu Hotei's instantly recognizable "Battle Without Honor or Humanity") are huge distractions  especially when one just wants to see some adorable dogs running amok.

- Mike Massie