Thank you for asking this question and I am sorry you are struggling with these terrifying physical sensations. Unfortunately, reactions such as these can occur even many years after an assault.
Experiencing vivid, physical sensations related to past trauma, including feeling like you're being assaulted again, is a phenomenon known as a "flashback." These can be particularly intense upon waking, as the brain transitions from sleep to wakefulness. This experience, while distressing, is not uncommon for survivors of sexual assault, even decades after the event.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and complex PTSD can manifest in various ways long after the traumatic event. Symptoms like flashbacks, nightmares, and intense physical sensations can persist or even emerge years later. Triggers, stress, or changes in life circumstances can sometimes cause these symptoms to intensify or resurface. While these experiences are challenging, they don't reflect negatively on your healing progress. Healing from trauma isn't always linear, and it's normal for symptoms to fluctuate over time.
If these sensations are significantly impacting your daily life, it may be beneficial to seek additional support. Consider consulting a therapist specializing in trauma, particularly one trained in approaches like EMDR or somatic experiencing, which can help process traumatic memories and physical sensations. Learning and practicing grounding techniques can help you reorient yourself when experiencing flashbacks. You might also explore trauma-informed yoga or other body-based practices that can help you feel more comfortable and safe in your body. Joining a support group for survivors can provide a space to connect with others who may have similar experiences.
Remember, experiencing these sensations doesn't mean you're "going backwards" in your healing. It's a sign that your mind and body are still processing the trauma, and with the right support, you can develop strategies to manage these experiences more effectively. Your feelings are valid, and it's never too late to seek additional help or support in your healing journey. Thank you so much for reaching out to us. You deserve to feel safe in your body and are not alone.