The first step in a collaborative divorce is for both spouses to agree they will converse civilly about their proceedings and get along amicably until the divorce is final. Collaborative divorce requires two willing parties; otherwise, it will not be successful. Once both parties agree to get along, they will each hire a divorce lawyer. When hiring an attorney, it is necessary to find someone with years of experience who understands all the nuances of the process. Find someone willing to use the benefits of alternative dispute resolution rather than someone itching for a court battle. This latter approach will place your dispute in front of a judge rather than allowing you to work it out between yourselves. Achieving a Workable Solution Experienced divorce lawyers will create a workable solution for both parties. However, remember that your attorney should always have your best interests in their mind. They should be willing to listen if you feel strongly about a particular strategy or direction. After all, you are their client. Division of Assets and Custody After you hire your attorneys, you will each meet with your respective attorney in private to discuss strategy and what you hope to gain from the divorce. For example, you might discuss how to handle child custody or how to divide assets. Additionally, you might discuss spousal support if you or your spouse have agreed to such terms. Collaborative Divorce Team Once you have agreed on a strategy and understand one another’s intentions, your attorney and your spouse’s attorney will assemble a team. This collaborative divorce team will consist of a divorce coach, a finance specialist, and a child specialist if the divorce involves children. The specialists will work jointly with you and your spouse to ensure you reach an amicable resolution. Meeting with Your Spouse’s Attorney After you and your attorney iron out your initial strategy, the two of you will meet with your spouse and their attorney. This meeting will be the first of several, so arrive on time and be collaborative and assertive. Usually, the first step in these meetings is to sign an agreement giving the attorneys permission to withdraw if either spouse pursues litigation in court. This agreement serves as an incentive for all parties to get along and resolve their differences without the need for litigation. After all, retaining new lawyers is an expensive and time-intensive endeavor. Subsequent Meetings The next meetings will consist of you and your spouse meeting with your respective lawyers and the team they have agreed on. This will enable both of you to keep your needs in perspective and address any concerns. Every so often, the four of you will convene to check in and make sure everything is progressing accordingly. Voluntary Information You are required to voluntarily provide your spouse with any information pertinent to the proceedings. For example, if you and your spouse share a 401(k), you must provide their divorce lawyer with documentation and updates. Additionally, you may need to provide: Tax returns Employment information Salary information Asset information Debt information Since a collaborative divorce doesn’t require discovery, you are on the honor system regarding providing relevant information. Just keep in mind that your goal is to ensure things remain amicable, and withholding information doesn’t promote a positive environment. If you try to hide assets or behave in a generally bad manner, your spouse’s lawyer could request that the case be reopened at a later date, and you can bet they won’t be so friendly next time. After you’ve negotiated the terms, your lawyers will draft a settlement agreement. After you and your spouse sign the settlement agreement, it will serve as the final judgment for the divorce.