Your GP or doctor will be able to rule out any physiological factors, so they are the best first port of call if you think you may have a problem with sex. After anything physical has been ruled out or addressed, it’s time for the sex therapist to come onboard. Often, it is both a physiological and psychological problem, so even when the physiological factors get taken care of, you might need therapy to get back to where you used to be. If something is holding you back from being fully comfortable with your body, sex or your partner, sex therapy will help you get to the bottom of it. Once you’ve outlined your main concerns, your sex therapist will work with you towards a happy, healthy sex life. They help you to reframe these challenges into solvable, finite situations. This can be refreshing to hear when you’ve been feeling stuck for a while. If you find it difficult talking to your partner about your concerns, a sex therapist helps train you to communicate openly and clearly so that your needs and wants can be better understood and, in time, better met. You also might work on your relationship with touch and your body. You won’t do anything sexual or get nude in the room with the therapist, these activities will be given as ‘homework’ to take away with you. You’ll then reflect on them with the therapist and possibly your partner in the next session. Beyond building confidence and new communication skills, a sex therapist is trained to assist with various sexual problems. These include:‍ ⦿   Changes in sexual and relational dynamics. ⦿   Difficulty getting or keeping an erection (erectile dysfunction). ⦿   Difficulty achieving orgasm. ⦿   Inability to orgasm. ⦿   Distressing sexual thoughts. ⦿   Compatibility differences in libido. ⦿   Compatibility differences in the type of sex a couple both want. ⦿   Inability to control sexual behaviour. ⦿   Changes in or lack of desire. ⦿   Changes in or lack of response to sexual stimulus. ⦿   Pain during sex or inability to have penetrative sex. ⦿   Changes to sex before/after childbirth. ⦿   Changes to sex during menopause. ⦿   Premature ejaculation or other ejaculation problems. ⦿   Unwanted sexual fetishes or fantasies. These issues aren’t uncommon, but rarely receive the attention they need and deserve. In many cases, these problems are caused by phase-of-life shifts and heavy stressors. These are some common stressors which may trigger or exacerbate a sexual problem: ‍Aging/perimenopause/menopause Anxiety Change in sexual partner(s) Childbirth/child-rearing Depression Disability/illness/medical issues Divorce First sexual experience History of sex-negativity or shame around sex History of trauma, sexual or otherwise Lack of education/information about healthy sexual practices Marriage/cohabitation STIs Stressful job requirements or job loss Sex therapy helps you work through these stressors and lessen the impact they have on your life. Many people think these factors just mean you have to live with the change in your sex life, and that just isn’t true. Sex therapy can help with all of these. It helps you pinpoint the factors contributing to the issues to reduce their impact and to (finally!) have a satisfying sex life.