Ideally, as long as one is a spouse, one should always be working on becoming the best spouse one can possibly be.However, itu2019s important to remember that marriage is a two-way street. Both partners should feel equally and wholeheartedly committed to the marriage. If they are, then they canu2019t help it u2022 they simply must do everything within their power to be the best spouse they can possibly be.That might include learning better communication skills, which, of course, always starts with learning how to truly listen.It might include going to marriage counseling during the inevitable periods of marital strain.It might include accepting compromise, without compromising your own individual rights, values, and boundaries.And therein lies the key. You should have a strong sense of your own personal rights, values, and boundaries as an individual human being.You have a right to be treated with kindness, dignity, and respect, just as much as your spouse does. No one should ever expect you to compromise those. You have a right to set and enforce boundaries as necessary in order to protect those rights, up to and including terminating the marriage.If you have children, they have those same rights. They are also entitled to shelter, food, safety, and love from you and your spouse. You have a parental duty to protect your childrenu2019s rights at all costs, even if it means protecting your children from your spouse.You also have values. Values are inconveniently subjective things, and your spouse may or may not share all your values.But a preponderance of shared values is the glue that holds marriages together. Itu2019s difficult to wholeheartedly admire, respect, and love a person with whom you share few values.You have to decide which values are core to your identity u2022 the ones that are deal-breakers for you, if your spouse doesnu2019t share them.Ideally you chose a spouse who shares most, if not all, of your most dearly-held values. Ideally you took plenty of time to get to know that person before you married them.If not, you will have to decide what to do about it now. If a lack of shared values makes it difficult or impossible for you to wholeheartedly admire, respect, and love your spouse, then understand thatu2019s probably not going to change. Behavior can change, values almost never do.Despite all the well-meaning exhortations to the contrary, marriage really doesnu2019t have to be that hard, if you chose the right partner to begin with.