If the non-custodial parent has court ordered visitation, then the child and custodial parent have to comply with it. If they do not, then the custodial parent can be held in contempt of court.  As a practical matter, it's often difficult to force a 12 year-old to do anything.  You could go to court and try to get the visitation portion of the custody order modified.  If there has been behavior such as you outlined, although short of abusive or unsafe, you may well be successful.  Considering that the "child" is at least 12, the court may well give more consideration to their non-visitation request. Note:  The custodial parent cannot be found to have initiated or co-operated in any non-visitation incident.