One of the most common myths about domestic abuse is that leaving a relationship will bring immediate safety and end the abuse, however this is not true.  In fact, the most dangerous time for a woman living with domestic abuse is when she is planning to leave or has just ended the relationship. In reality, it can be very hard to end an abusive relationship. There are so many reasons why women feel like they can’t leave. Women living with domestic abuse very likely have low self-esteem; her abuser has probably made her feel unworthy, undeserving, ugly and useless. Women often feel it is their fault that their partner is abusive and therefore she may feel confused and scared about what will happen if she does leave.  It takes time to find the strength and confidence that you need to end any relationship but it takes even longer when there is abuse. Some women are dependent on their partner, for example to help with money, for care or to help with children. She may have little control over day to decisions and therefore she might feel as though she has no option but to be with her partner. Ending the relationship can mean having to leave the family home and having little or no income. It might mean taking her children out of school, moving away from her family and friends and starting again with nothing. The things she may gain from leaving, like safety from abuse and more confidence in herself, don’t happen overnight and they aren’t guaranteed. Abusers aren’t abusive all the time.  They might bring her gifts, promise they are sorry and that they will change, these are things that might tempt her to stay. As noted above, ending an abusive relationship can be dangerous.  Her partner may have threatened to hurt her, her children or even themselves if she leaves. For these reasons and many more, it can take several attempts for women to leave a relationship for good. It can be really frustrating if you are aware of or suspect abuse, it’s hard to see someone being hurt. It’s important though to be patient and to understand how difficult her situation is, even if it seems very clear to you. The best thing you can do for listen to her, believe her and support her.  Don’t judge her if she isn’t ready to leave.