Thank you for sharing this experience with us. It takes courage to talk about such difficult and confusing thoughts. Your feelings are valid, and it's understandable to feel distressed by these vivid mental images. What you're describing sounds like intrusive thoughts or intrusive imagery, which are common experiences for many people, especially those who have experienced trauma or anxiety. These are involuntary thoughts or mental images that can feel extremely real and disturbing, even when we know they aren't based on actual events.
It's important to remember that having these thoughts doesn't reflect negatively on you as a person. Our minds sometimes create these scenarios as a way of processing emotions or trying to make sense of fears, even if the specific scenarios never occurred. There are several strategies that might help you manage these experiences. Practicing self-compassion is crucial - remind yourself that these thoughts aren't your fault and don't define you. When these thoughts occur, try using grounding techniques to help reconnect with the present moment. This could include focusing on your breath, naming objects you can see, or holding something with a distinct texture. It can also be helpful to acknowledge the thoughts without judgment, gently reminding yourself that they are just thoughts, not reality.
Engaging in self-care activities that help you feel safe and calm can also be beneficial. Additionally, consider talking to a trauma-informed therapist who can provide personalized strategies and support. They can help you process these experiences and develop coping mechanisms tailored to your needs.
Remember, you're not alone in experiencing this. Many people have similar struggles. If these thoughts are significantly impacting your daily life, seeking professional support could be very beneficial. A mental health professional experienced in trauma can offer guidance and help you work through these challenging experiences at your own pace. Take care of yourself, and remember that healing is a journey. It's okay to take it one step at a time. Thank you for reaching out to us. You ar not alone.