I think that you are touching on the issue of conflicts of interest.  You think that your ex wife';s attorney is in now way conspiring in some form against you and this is against the rules, so to speak.  I believe the issue here is known as "successive representation."  Successive representation is permitted when there is no conflict between the interests of the former and current clients (under Rule 1.9) or when written waiver of the conflict has been obtained. Get your attorney on the matter to determine what is really going on.  But remember that your ex's attorney is NOT representing the grandmother.  She has her own lawyer.  Good luck.