The best way to minimize any potential harm to your children is to not make them your friend and confidant, and remember that the children are aware that they have two parents. Never speak poorly of the other parent to or in the hearing of your children, do not share adult information about why you are getting a divorce or what is going on with the divorce.
Many parents tell us that they are not going to lie to their children and if a child asks questions, the parent intends to answer it, truthfully. It is a much better practice to tell your children that you and their other parent will always love them but that the divorce is just between you and the other parent.
We think the best way to tell the children about the divorce is to have a conversation with the other parent in advance and decide how you will tell the children, together, at when. That way the children see that the parents can continue to work together to protect them and it will make your children feel much safer.
Don’t tell your children “secrets” or think they will agree with you against the other parent if you explain why you feel the way you do. Studies indicate that most children will do well in a bi-nuclear home if the parents do not fight and are not hostile to one another.
Children are very perceptive, so it is best to work out those negative feelings about the other parent with the assistance of a good therapist.
We are happy to make recommendations of mental health professionals who can help keep the children safe and shielded.