Traumatic bonds have a cyclical nature, relying on intermittent reinforcement. In abusive relationships, the abuser occasionally does treat you well. It can be confusing when they do, and you might think things will change. You may suppress memories of their past behavior until the cycle restarts.  A traumatic bond has an underlying power imbalance. You might feel your partner controls you where you no longer have autonomy. You may feel lost or incomplete without them as they have manipulated you to depend on them.  Here are some other common features that can help you recognize a traumatic bond: You feel unhappy and may not even like your partner anymore, but you still can’t bring yourself to end things When you do try to leave, you feel physically and emotionally distressed When you say you want to leave, the abuser promises to change and then makes no effort You focus on the “good” times, using them as proof that the abuser truly cares You make excuses for the abuser and defend their behavior when others express concern You continue to trust them and hope you can change them You protect them by keeping their abusive behavior a secret