There may be special circumstances surrounding the death—an accident, a suicide, unexpected death during surgery—that make the question even more difficult to answer. Here are some simple suggestions: Please do speak to the family. They will hear eloquent messages and bumbling messages. But the most important thing is that their grief is acknowledged. If you knew the person casually or only slightly, stick with a short statement: “I am so sorry for your loss.” If you have something positive to add, make the statement a little longer: “I am so sorry for your loss. John was the best teacher I ever had.” If you won’t see the family, send a card or a note. The same message you would say in person can be written on the card. Send a floral tribute to the serivce. Flowers help create a beautiful service setting and each bloom helps the family realize and know that they have friends who care. You can place your message of sympathy to the family on the floral card. Offer concrete assistance: a guestroom for family attending the service, grocery shopping or other errands, even staying at the family’s home during the service so the house isn’t unattended. Share stories that reflect the goodness of the life you’re remembering. Listen. And listen some more.