Power and guilt are used by the spouse in the persecutor position to exert control over others. They frequently alternate between aggression and retreat. They use force to feel dominant and accept their partner's terror as a substitute for connection and intimacy. They may feel some remorse for their damaging actions. The spouse in the persecutor role seeks revenge against the victim for some imagined or actual wrong done to them. Or they may just want to see someone else suffer because it makes them feel important. Whatever the reason, when they perceive their partner as weak, they know they can defeat them. So they go after the weakest part of the victim - their spirit - and destroy it piece by piece. Sometimes, spouses in the persecutor role seek attention and admiration from others. They might call themselves "the leader" or "the boss" of the relationship. Perhaps they think this will make them more powerful. The truth is that being in charge only makes them even more insecure because they don't understand relationships or love. Spouses in the persecutor role often complain about their partners, saying things like, "If he/she would just..." or "I wish she/he would just..." The problem with these statements is that they suggest change is possible through action or wishful thinking. But no one can make another person do anything. Only you can decide what you do with your life.