There is no magic formula to get rid of the problem as you suggest. Your older son may have some developmental delay. At a later point, he might need a Special Educator to help him cope with his schoolwork or attend a class for slow children. You must settle your disagreements with your wife amicably or make some arrangement by which the children themselves take responsibility for their clothes and books before they go to school. Try to avoid comparisons between the two children and do not talk about them in their presence. Give affection to both children. Each one will do things to the best of his ability, provided there is affection and care from the parents.