The first step is to recognize that you can’t be in control of everything. That has never been possible, and it never will be. The most important thing you can do is learn to let go of trying. If you detach from your expectations and accept what is happening, you’ll find less stress and anxiety because there’s less struggle against reality.
Though this is much easier said than done, there are support groups available to help. Talking with people who understand what you’re going through can be comforting and therapeutic. A therapist or support group can help you start that process or find other ways for you to cope with the loss.