Where birth parents have a say as to who will adopt their child many adopting parents wonder if they will ever be chosen. And the first time they are picked, they wonder whether they should leap at the opportunity regardless of whether it feels right or not.
Susan: “Everyone can be selected. No-one is too short, too old or too anything. You may need to be patient. And when you are chosen, make sure you really relate to the birth mother as a) genetics mean your child will probably be like her and b) she will be in your life to some extent. Wait if it isn’t right – this will be hard to do, but it is important. It often takes a year or longer to find the right match.
Equally parents worry whether they will be deemed good enough in the Home Study process. “I had a client that was a recovering alcoholic and he was sure the agency would reject him. However, they just insisted he tell the birth mom. And her reaction was to hug him and reply that thank goodness he had something wrong with him too. If there is something you worry will get in the way, tell the agency – birth moms are often drawn to people that aren’t perfect. Be yourself, don’t pretend to be something you are not.”