I want to start by saying that I hear you, and I believe you. What you've experienced is deeply traumatic, and it's important to understand that your feelings and reactions are valid and normal responses to an abnormal and distressing situation. It's crucial to emphasize that what happened was not your fault. You expressed that you weren't ready, and your boundaries were violated. You bear no responsibility for the actions of the person who hurt you.
The anxiety, depression, insomnia, and physical symptoms you're experiencing are common reactions to trauma. Your body and mind are trying to process a deeply distressing event, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed. The guilt and anger you feel towards yourself are also common, but please remember that these feelings, while real, don't reflect the reality of the situation. You did nothing wrong.
Your safety and well-being are the most important priorities right now. If you're having thoughts of harming yourself, I urge you to reach out to a crisis hotline or emergency services immediately. Your life has value, and there are people ready to support you through this difficult time.
It's important to take care of your physical health as well. Seeing a healthcare provider for a check-up is a good step. They can address any physical concerns and discuss options for your overall health and well-being. Remember, you're in control of this process and can ask for a trusted person to accompany you if that would make you feel more comfortable.
Consider reaching out to a sexual assault helpline or counseling service. These organizations have trained professionals who can provide emotional support, guide you through your options, and connect you with local resources. They understand the complexity of trauma and can offer strategies to help you cope with the intense emotions and physical symptoms you're experiencing.
Healing from trauma takes time, and it's a process that looks different for everyone. Be patient and gentle with yourself. Focus on basic self-care: stay hydrated, try to eat regular meals, and rest when you can. Simple relaxation techniques like deep breathing might help with anxiety and sleep issues.
Remember, your dreams for your future are still valid and achievable. This traumatic experience does not define you. With time and proper support, it is possible to heal and move forward. You don't have to go through this alone, and reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. There are people and resources available to support you on your journey of healing. Thank you for reaching out to us. You can do this and you have a community of survivors behind you supporting you.