I am so sorry for your situation.  First, without being simplistic, you know that two wrongs do not make a right. Second, if there is a court order in place for the child support and you do not pay it, the courts can hold you in contempt and throw you in jail, fine you, or both.  And your salary will be garnished as well.  Do not put yourself in that position.  Your wife can not deny you access to your daughter.  But you need to make sure that she is in the same position here.  Go and seek a temporary custody and visitation order so that there is something set in stone about the issue. Remember that your daughter has no idea what is happening and she will be the one to suffer should this escalate.  Good luck.