Under New Jersey statutory criminal law, N.J.S.A. 2C:17-3a, criminal mischief is "(1) Purposely or knowingly damag[ing] tangible property of another...." Based on what you write, it appears that what they both did is criminal mischief, and there does not appear to be a legal basis for treating them differently: this may simply be police sexism, treating what a man does as "criminal" but waht a woman does as just a domestic dispute.