Not all homosexual relationships are 'equal'. In some relationships, one partner is always (or predominantly) active and the other is passive. But I guess you'll have to sort these proclivities out 'upfront' before getting involved rather than by 'hindsight' later. It is true that anal intercourse can be painful in the first few attempts, especially if performed clumsily and indelicately. This is true of vaginal intercourse too. Still, as you know, millions of homosexual men the world over have surmounted these early problems and practice it regularly. This won't be happening if everybody finds it always painful. You are quite obviously misinformed. I hope this helps.