Seniors wanting to do their estate planning – Will, Power of Attorney Administration, and Health Care agreement – often come in with an adult child. That is normal, but it can create problems. A Will is not valid unless the maker understands what they are doing, and is acting out of free will. A red flag goes up when I hear “My mom wants …” It may be that they have discussed it all before, and it really IS what mom wants, but I need to hear that for myself. I start off asking for simple information – address, birth date – to help me judge the senior’s mental capacity, and it is easier if the son or daughter does not jump in to “help”. And I need to hear from mom details, such as who is in her family, approximately what she owns, and who she wants to get it. That gives me confidence that it is truly her wishes going into the Will. It helps if her wishes are what you might expect, so that all her estate goes equally to the kids. If it is all going to the one who is sitting there, then I am going to have to ask that person to step out while I confirm. If I don’t think the senior truly wants to do what I am being told, or if she is no longer sure once she is alone, I may – rarely – refuse to act.
If you are an adult child coming in with an aged parent, it is most appropriate to discuss their intentions before they come in. But please, let me speak to them directly, don’t answer for them, and if I ask, allow us to have a few minutes in private. It will make the Will less open to a challenge from a disappointed sister or brother, and give your parent the respect and decency they deserve.