You have an explanation for your defensive wall as long as you are hostile toward the other person. However, if you convince yourself that forgiveness entails exposing yourself to additional agony, you are supporting a frequent myth that forgiving condones the offender's conduct. It does not. Forgiveness is a choice that you can make anytime you want to change how you feel or respond to someone. Forgiving someone who has wronged you doesn't mean that you condone their behavior. It means that you don't hold it against them and you don't let it affect your feelings toward them. People often say that they need to be forgiven because of the pain that they caused others. However, the truth is that others need to be forgiven because of the pain that they caused others. If you look at it this way, you will never claim anyone as your own unless you allow them to go free. The only one who can truly forgive someone is God himself. However, we know from experience that healing and peace come only when we release our grip on resentment and accept people as they are. That means allowing them to live their lives without us constantly replaying past events in our minds and therefore causing more pain for ourselves and everyone around us. So the next time you're asked whether you've been forgiven, tell them "yes" even if you're still searching for answers to previous questions.