well i guess it 's that time of the year again .
the one time of the year where movie craftors are exonerated from the need to even * try * writing a script that has more dialogue than explosions .
it 's also the best time for the handful of existing bigtime hollywood mr action heroes to dust off their miniscule vocabularies , pull on their black vests and charge onto our screens tersely expirating what they hope will become memorable catchphrases .
in america they call this time " summer " and it happens once every year .
and maybe it 's the exposure to all that nasty sun that does it , but in the process normally weak , insipid lines like " consider this a divorce , " " hasta la vista , baby , " and " you 're the disease .
i 'm the cure
" actually do end up being repeated more often then the phrases from my book of biblical proverbs .
this is not entirely a bad thing , of course .
what am i talking about ?
i 'm talking about the summer " blockbusters , " the " action thrillers , " the " this - obviously - cost - a - lot - so - you - know- everyone's - going - to - go " explosions , gas threats , flying saucers , and special effects .
in the rash of " my , what big guns you have , but wait !
mine are bigger " movies , there are also the usual boy - meets - fish - and - saves - environment movies ( or whale , whatever ) , and * this * year , the odd crop of " save - the - world - from - aliens - or - environment- threats " offerings .
i 'm talking about the three batmans , the speeds , the terminators , etc .
this year i 'm talking about twister , independence day , the arrival , the rock , mission : impossible , and of course , eraser .
here in singapore , as our local movie critics like to whine , we seem to get the pick of the crop of " my explosion is more real - looking than yours " movies , but nothing else .
mission : impossible opened in our theatres almost as soon as it did in the us .
the same goes for eraser , which is unfortunate for arnold schwarzenegger because coming so soon after what time magazine recently called " mission : unavoidable " ( on account of its worldwide mega - advertising blitz ) , eraser seems like a cheaper , less thoughtful imitation
.
that 's saying a lot , because mi the movie was already a cheap , thoughtless imitation of its tv originator of the ' 60s/'70s .
in eraser , arnie is a us federal marshall who relocates trial witnesses whose testimonies place their lives in danger .
he does this by destroying all evidence of their present existence and re - situating them with new identities .
his new case is lee cullen , played by vanessa williams who , unlike all the other scumbags he 's ever relocated , is " an actual , real life honest person .
"
because she 's so good , and has such nice legs , arnold spends the whole movie trying to protect her , and only uses the opening movie sequence to save robert pastorelli from * his * killers .
lee obtains evidence that the high - technology weapons company she works for is secretly selling sophisticated , black - market arms to people with foreign accents and stringy hair .
of course , as the formula goes , her revealing this information will destroy the system as we know it because heck , there are people in high places who will go down with this , because yes , this is the biggest conspiracy in the history of the world ( that is , america ) since watergate .
in protecting lee , arnold is framed by the mentor - turned - evil robert deguerin , nicely played by james caan , and ends up having to prove that he is n't the one killing the programme 's witnesses in addition to making sure lee is n't accidentally torpedo - ed to death by the new , green guns his enemies all have .
it 's around this time that people in the theatre with me starting humming the mission : impossible theme , because arnie 's mission includes breaking into a high - security building to run a disk .
i guess i should tell you more about the particular gun everyone in this movie is so antsy about .
it 's an electro - magnetic pulse gun thing which fires aluminium missiles , and which can see through walls .
it has some sort of x - ray vision , so its user can target the victim 's heart even from great distances .
despite this , which i figure is a pretty cool feature in a gun ( though i 'm certainly no expert ) , however , arnold , whose own heart is targeted a number of times ,
* never * goes flying 10 feet backwards with a two - foot missile through his chest like all the others who get shot by this gun .
instead he outruns and outsmarts his trackers each time , giving eery and ironic resonance to that terminator line that practically made him famous
: " i 'll be back .
"
like everyone else in the theater , i left the movie feeling that the trailers had duped me , because they made me want to watch this movie voluntarily .
although there is a * lot * of violence in this movie , not to mention mutilation and some bloody tussles with alligators ,
i recommend this movie to most over-18s who need some therapeutic mindless action to get over the weirdness of fargo or the hangover effect of leaving las vegas .
review 's rating system :
* wait for the video .
*
* a little creaky , but still better than staying at home with gotcha !
*
* * pretty good , bring a friend .
*
*
* * amazing , potent stuff .
*
*
*
* * perfection . see it twice .
i left the movie feeling that the trailers had duped me i recommend this movie to most over-18s who need some therapeutic mindless action seems like a cheaper , less thoughtful imitation