everything about this ninth trek movie seems on the cheap , from the roger corman - grade special effects to its highly derivative and ugly ad campaign
( the poster is nearly identical to that of star trek
vi : the undiscovered country ) .
but piller 's not - quite - half - baked screenplay should ultimately claim responsibility for insurrection 's failure .
i 'm about to give the same advice to rick berman and co .
as i 've given to the financiers of james bond movies : it 's time to breathe life into this workhorse by hiring solid genre writers and a real director .
( while we 're at it , put that visor back on laforge ! )
for three hundred years , the ba'ku species ( who look just like humans ) have lived on a ringed - planet that might as well be called the fountain of youth .
six hundred of them occupy the briar patch , the area affected by metaphasic radition , a positive energy that reverses the aging process in the elderly .
but evil ru'afo ( this is probably abraham 's last stop before performing " amadeus " at a dinner theatre near you ) , leader of the son'a ( who look just like burn victims after reconstructive surgery ) , wants to relocate the ba'ku and movie his people onto the briar patch in their place , in order to replenish his dying breed .
the federation is all for this , but picard feels this is a direct violation of the prime directive : to not interfere with the development of an alien race .
( never mind that the ba'ku did n't exactly evolve - they went wandering in the universe one day and stumbled upon the magic world . )
every time frakes gives an interview lately , he seems to top whatever ludicrous statement he last gave regarding this installment .
he has called it a comedy , a thinking man 's picture , a throwback to the old series , and , most grievously , he has likened it to a john ford western .
( i presume that 's some john ford
he went to school with , not the director of the searchers . )
he has also gone on record as saying paramount recut the film from his version .
that 's no excuse -
someone generated this footage .
muddy cinematography and sitcom sets are the least of its problems ; star trek : insurrection appears to have been beamed in from the planet plotholia . consider such curiosities . . .
picard 's love interest , anij ( donna murphy ) , can slow things down by staring at them ( such as a waterfall or falling rocks ) -her scientific explanation for this ?
" do n't ask .
"
worf gets a pimple ( he 's re - experiencing klingon puberty thanks to the time - defying atmosphere ) , laforge regains his eyesight ( trust me , levar burton 's real eyes are scarier than those electronic lenses he wore in first contact ) and troi brags about her firm boobs , but picard remains as bald as an android 's butt .
most suspiciously , what exactly is the problem with letting this endangered race have a little fun in the sun ?
the filmmakers cloud the issue with some nonsense about a family feud of sorts , and they also turn ru'afo into a completely power - mad superfreak , just so the characters will have something to do in the climax .
( and if you 've seen return of the jedi , you 've seen the ending of this movie . ) did n't picard himself previously disobey the prime directive when he prevented the borg from assimilating millions ?
frakes lucked out with first contact , and repeat viewings of that film reveal the seeds of what went wrong in his direction of insurrection :
he has no sense of comic timing , and he mines for acting chemistry where none exists .
( take a look at the painful " troi gets drunk " scene in fc and you 'll get the general idea of insurrection 's unsuccessfully jokey and hollow tone . )
even the worst shatner and co .
treks , like the final frontier , maintained a watchability thanks to the effortless ,
charming comaraderie between kirk , spock , and bones .
neither first contact nor insurrection has any idea what to do with crusher ( gates mcfadden , whom i must say maintains a fabulous physique ) , troi , or laforge .
and all three next generation films spend too much time on data , who is the franchise 's answer to urkel .
need a cheap laugh ?
have data say something sexual , or start singing , or lift up a four hundred pound boulder as if it 's the hunk of styrofoam it really is .
here 's my proposed title for number 10 : data star data trek : data data data data data .
in this movie , data will become preoccupied with learning to blow his nose , while crusher and troi watch silently from 500 yards away and laforge points his sinister gaze at the android in doubly robotic observation .
star trek : insurrection had one nice , eerie , silent moment that hints at a better , darker film .
i 'm not saying all of them should be star trek
ii : the wrath of khan , but this one boldly went where no movie should go again .
remains as bald as an android 's butt this one boldly went where no movie should go again muddy cinematography and sitcom sets highly derivative and ugly ad campaign he has no sense of comic timing unsuccessfully jokey and hollow tone seems on the cheap appears to have been beamed in from the planet plotholia failure