note : some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers . be forewarned .
" quick , robin !
the anti - shark repellant ! " - adam west in the 1966 batman feature film , casually kicking at a pathetic - looking rubber shark attached to his leg i had never thought that an entry in the modern incarnation of the batman feature film would approach this level of campiness , but in many instances batman and robin nears , and at some point even exceeds this standard .
this is a disasterously bad film , easily the worst in the series to date , and fairly epitomizes a cinematic definition of the word
excessive - it 's loud , garish , and obnoxious , with pointless , gratuitous action sequences and set pieces which clutter up the screen with elaborate production design to the point of overkill
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batman and robin features the caped crusaders ( george clooney debuting as batman , with chris o'donnell returing as robin ) squaring off against another bevy of chemically - induced villains - the nefarious ice - cold mr .
freeze ( arnold schwarzenegger ) , armed with a weapon which freezes everything in its sights , and the slinky poison ivy ( uma thurman ) , who has the ability to blow powerful love dust into the faces of men in order so that they will fall helplessly in love with her ( not that the dust is really necessary to accomplish this result , but whatever ) , and then dispatch them with a poisoned kiss .
by ivy 's side is the giant steroid monster bane ( jeep swanson ) , a grunting hulk of a beast .
the villains ' goals are noble ones - freeze steals diamonds to power his climate suit ( in order to keep his body temperature at zero degrees ) , so that he can survive in order to devise a cure for his beloved wife ( vendela ) , dying of a degenerative disease and frozen in suspended animation , and ivy 's intent is to restore the dominance of plant life on earth , albeit by destroying all human life .
meanwhile , on the homefront , life at wayne manor is thrown into upheaval by the illness of butler alfred pennyworth ( michael gough ) , and the arrival of his niece barbara ( alicia silverstone ) .
akiva goldsman 's screenplay for the film is ridiculous and laughably bad , with astonishingly terrible dialogue , lame jokes , and an awful by - the - number plot which simply coasts along and fails to generate any genuine excitement
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it makes goldsman 's screenplay of batman forever , which i thought was dreadful , look positively inspired in comparison .
i am still astonished that a cheesy plot device which i 'd seen used in - no joke - an episode of gilligan 's island somehow make its way into a multimillion dollar blockbuster production .
joel schumacher 's direction of batman and robin is horrific , with a terrible balance of flashiness over substance .
there is a clear conceit towards neon in this film , even moreso than with his previous batman forever , with the revamped batcave helpfully sporting gigantic glowing emblems for the dynamic duo ( just in case , i suppose , if they ever happen to forget that the batcave is the headquarters of batman and robin ) , and with neon prominently figuring in an utterly - pointless fight sequence with bane and a street gang over ivy 's chosen new abode .
another action sequence which fails to serve any useful point other than to chew up five minutes of screentime involves an incredibly uninvolving late - night motorcycle race with barbara and some gotham goons .
mr .
schumacher 's focus for batman and robin appears to be to make the film as visually striking as possible , to the detriment of the story - there are drastic shifts in the tone of the film between all - out camp and heartfelt drama , with the latter completely unconvincing and ineffective .
it is perhaps not the most promising of signs when the group i was with burst out laughing within twenty seconds of the film 's opening , even before a single line of dialogue had been uttered .
is batman and robin supposed to be campy ?
i think it is -
it 's hard to imagine that the filmmakers could have intended many parts of the film to be taken at all seriously .
( one of my favourites was when bane helpfully grunted " bomb !
" each time he laid down an explosive device in the gotham observatory . )
is it supposed to be as overly campy as it turned out to be ?
i somehow doubt it - the subplot involving afred is delivered so solemnly and with such graveness that the impression is made that the film is n't attempting to be the utter farce which it is .
arnold schwarzenegger is top - billed in the film as the villainous mr . freeze , and is bland and uninteresting , perhaps the worst thing that a villain can be .
mr .
schwarzenegger 's attempts to be menacing are laughable , and his attempts at conveying pathos are laughable ; frankly , everything he does onscreen is laughable .
by the end of the film , i was stifling a chuckle every time he simply appeared onscreen .
the bulk of his performance consists of uttering near - unintelligble puns and one - liners featuring every possible permutation of " cool !
" in the least inventive way .
george clooney has been given very little to do in batman and robin , being overshadowed by the villains , and consequently he looks rather uncomfortable in the film .
his batman is hardly an imposing figure .
chris o'donnell is unimpressive in a one - note performance , while alicia silverstone lackadasically fails to make any impression at all .
the film 's one saving grace ?
undoubtably uma thurman 's entertaining performance as sexy villainess poison ivy .
her work in batman and robin is certainly over - the - top , but in a controlled fashion which works splendidly within the tone of the film .
ms .
thurman 's comic timing is impeccable , and reminds us that it takes skilled performers to make campiness work successfully .
( i 'm already starting to positively reassess jim carrey 's performance in batman forever . )
her amusing poison ivy is the most entertaining character in the film , and when she 's offscreen the film greatly suffers .
i figure that if one has to die , being kissed to death by uma thurman is n't a half - bad way to go .
while batman and robin was hardly a ride of pulse - pounding excitement , i must admit that i was not bored watching it , although
i did glance at my watch repeatedly through the screening - my attention was kept through anticipation of the utterance of yet another terrible pun or one - liner , and by awaiting yet another scene to fall flat .
it 's been a long time since i 've laughed so much at a movie .
" at " , of course , is the operative word .
a cheesy plot device fails to generate any genuine excitement horrific , with a terrible balance of flashiness over substance figuring in an utterly - pointless fight sequence has been given very little to do the utterance of yet another terrible pun or one - liner , and by awaiting yet another scene to fall flat completely unconvincing and ineffective everything he does onscreen is laughable set pieces which clutter up the screen with elaborate production design to the point of overkill a disasterously bad film , easily the worst in the series to date screenplay for the film is ridiculous and laughably bad , with astonishingly terrible dialogue , lame jokes , and an awful by - the - number plot and is bland and uninteresting , perhaps the worst thing that a villain can be fails to serve any useful point is unimpressive in a one - note performance lackadasically fails to make any impression at all i did glance at my watch repeatedly through the screening it 's loud , garish , and obnoxious , with pointless , gratuitous action sequences