once upon a time jean - claude van damme was a decent action hero .
the muscles from brussels bursted into the hollywood market with mindless adventure films , boasting his spectacular martial - arts ability .
some of these excursions were fun .
but now it seems like watching a van damme movie has become a painful chore , with no rewards but the virtually guaranteed helping of mind - numbing action .
and when the action goes sour , what is there left to enjoy ?
i 'll explain .
knock off is about a pair of counterfeit jeans salesmen working out of an office in hong kong .
marcus ray ( van damme ) , a babe - magnet and stylish dresser , heads up the company with an annoying weasel of a partner ( rob schneider ) .
they become part of a plot involving microbombs implanted in counterfeit jeans , seemingly by a mole in the business .
i 'm going to reveal about everything in the next paragraph , so if you want a review devoid of spoilers , skip onto the next one .
i 'm not quite sure who gives a crap , but i 'll issue a warning anyhow .
tommy is really working with the cia .
his boss ( a very hammy and flat paul sorvino ) is the mole , and he wants to cause carnage with these tiny but immensely powerful super weapons .
he even stoops so low to put them into children 's toys .
if you thought this plot outline sounded intriguing , then you probably will enjoy knock off .
if you think that this ridiculous set - up could n't even fill five minutes of screen time without causing you to roll over laughing , this might not be your cup of tea .
knock off sucks .
it stoops to ridiculous levels that most individuals could only conjure up in horrific nightmares .
it amazes me how far these producers will go to sell something , simply because van damme is the star .
the plot is pathetic garbage strung together by inane action sequences that will baffle your mind , the performances are so wooden you could use them to row a canoe , and the action itself is an absolute catastrophe .
director tsui hark ( who teamed with van damme in the superior , but still lame - brained double team ) is at the helm , and he would rather attempt to dazzle us with fantastic camera angles than engage us with the plot .
i suppose i enjoyed some of the camera work , but the incessant desperation of it all made me rather nauseous
.
the picture freezes in the middle of an action sequence , speeds are altered consistently , and the camera tricks mostly apply to traveling up gun barrels as the weapons are fired .
it all sounds very cool .
trust me , it is n't . as much as it scars me to say this ( har , har ) , van damme is terrible .
sure , he does lots of fancy kickboxing moves and dodges
giant crates with the greatest of ease .
he looks like he 's doing a bad impersonation of jackie chan , and his performance is stiff and tired .
i hate to say it , but perhaps it 's time for mr .
van damme to give up his day job .
it 's really a test of endurance watching knock off .
i suppose there 's some enjoyment derived from schneider 's character , who is extremely annoying , but provides the film 's better moments .
and what is the beautiful lela rochon doing in this movie ?
hopefully she grabbed her paycheck and then fled the premises like an olympic sprinter .
knock off does n't even stand strong as a mindless but entertaining action film , like a handful of van damme 's others .
no ,
this movie is an embarrassment to the entire action genre of modern filmmaking .
and considering how low hollywood has stooped as of late in that department , that is certainly not saying much .
note to self : avoid universal soldier 2 :
the return upon release in august ?
99 .
this movie is an embarrassment it stoops to ridiculous levels an absolute catastrophe very hammy and flat the incessant desperation of it all made me rather nauseous the performances are so wooden he looks like he 's doing a bad impersonation of jackie chan the plot is pathetic garbage strung together by inane action sequences has become a painful chore ridiculous set - up his performance is stiff and tired