the year is barely a week old , and there is already a candidate for the worst of 1997 - -the relic , a would - be chiller that 's more successful at making the audience laugh than scream .
in this ridiculous film from uberhack peter hyams ( whose last two pictures were dreadful jean - claude van damme vehicles ) , a creature that feeds on the hypothalamuses ( hypothalamii ? ) of humans and animals goes on a killing spree in a chicago museum .
how did this creature come into existence , and why does it feed on hormones ?
the " scientific " explanation cooked up by the four -- yes , four -- credited screenwriters ( amy holden jones , john raffo , rick jaffa , and amanda silver ) takes " suspension of disbelief " to new heights , even by monster movie standards .
but as cockamamie as the science is in the film , it is n't quite as hard to swallow as the casting of the clueless penelope
ann miller as a brilliant molecular biologist who specializes in evolutionary genetics .
miller acts as if she wants an oscar nomination , turning every scene that requires the slightest display of emotion into an overblown oscar clip , complete with piercing wails and glycerine tears .
give it up , penelope --
it 's a _
monster_movie _ .
on the flip side , tom sizemore just phones in his performance as a police lieutenant , but his role is so thankless that it 's hard to imagine it being played any more effectively .
it 's quite funny to see a film indulge , with the straightest of faces , in all those cheesy horror movie cliches that wes craven lampooned so well ( and so recently ) in scream .
for example , in one early scene , a museum security guard goes into a bathroom stall late at night .
ok , we all know what 's coming , but as if we did n't need any more confirmation , he pulls out a joint and starts puffing away .
everyone knows what happens to people who do drugs in a scary movie .
and later , miller frantically runs out of a museum exhibit after she hears some suspicious heavy breathing .
does she make a beeline for the front door ?
of course not -- she runs into the ladies room and cowers in a stall .
with all the cliches , it is only fitting the film 's climax offers what is perhaps the most overused one in recent film
: that of someone outrunning a fireball .
if the relic is truly " the next evolution in terror " as the poster states , then the horror film -- and humanity -- is in even worse shape than we thought .
ridiculous a candidate for the worst the most overused one in recent film with all the cliches his role is so thankless takes " suspension of disbelief " to new heights