by tone I meant the genuine tone I meant the tone I used in my own writing. here are to examples, one of a polished draft, and one of a rough draft, which encompass my writing style. ignore the contents of the draft, paying attention only to the tone of writing I use, and try to slightly add that to this story, however, still maintaining the emotional story aspect which is unique to this piece. 

<my good draft>
Most avoid discomfort. The ones competing with me for this spot pursue it. What sets me apart is how systematically I define and nurture the courage that enable me to seek discomfort. Through daily journaling and reflection over the past four years, I've developed a personalized framework of principles. I have built a constantly evolving system that defines me as a person, one that is most evidently shown through my courage.

My courage comes from intentionally noticing emotional resistance, those moments when discomfort or fear arise, and pouncing towards it like a starved animal. Rather than avoiding difficult experiences of vulnerability, I use these resistances to pinpoint areas for growth. This is what has driven me to reach out for coffee chats with founders (and current TLI students), introduce myself to random people I find interesting on the street, and be the first research intern to ask that "dumb" question in a room full of senior researchers.

These actions didn’t come naturally. I grew up quiet and hesitant. But now, if it aligns with my principles, I count down from three and simply act. Once I do, it's almost as if stepping up onto stage at an improv club, the present moment takes over and all that fear washes away.
<my good draft>

<my rough draft>
- I've always been told as a child that I had a good temper, control over my emotions
- I never get angry, even though both my parents have short fuses, and I stay level headed in conflicts, not letting my emotions consume me
- or, at least. that's what I thought
- this all changed when I got into a relationship with my first, and only life partner
- what I realized was that my form of "good temper" was not high emotional eq, it was checking out and suppressing myself
- the truth is that I wasn't in control of my emotions, I was suppressing them
- that sort of good temper I had wasn’t from control and acceptance of my emotions, it was from emotionally checking out
- I simply took myself and my mind out of any conflicts
- whether it be with parents -- who I didn’t have the authority to fight back against --
- or friends -- who at the end of the day, I didn't love deeply enough to fully invest myself emotionally
- **the catalyst:**
- this occured at a particularity stressful time for the both of us. we hadn’t had many disagreements before then, and we both never throught we could fight since we were both people who never raised our voices.
- and some setting: when she was going through her hardest times, she had always bottled up things to herself, not wanting to burden her parents, and not wanting to be vulnerable to her friends. this time around she was going through some really difficult times. but, she was learning how to open up with me, how to honestly and vulnerably rely on someone else. trying her best to be understood. and. I decimated that effort.
- I tried to listen, but in reality I was supressing my emotions and trying to emotionally check out. but, unlike my parents, who had authority over me whom I was indebted to
- or my friends who I didn't truly love
- my partner was an equal, and someone I cared enough about to be so emotionally invested. and these emotions ran high.
- **for the first time, I spoke with my emotions full and high. this was the first time in my adolescent to adult life I had fully laid my emotions bare and lost myself.**
- this didn't mean yelling or screaming for me
- instead, this took the form of coming off as passive aggressive, pretending to "listen" but not actually hearing anything she said
- trying to defend myself preemptively against accusations she had yet to even make, intincitvly attacking with my words to defend myself, hurting the one I loved most~ when all she wanted to be was understood
- instead of being there for her, trying to understanding, I tried to check out, pretend I was emotionally a rock, and as a result I hurt her dearly
- in the moment I wasn't even aware I was doing these things
- but the second she pointed them out, I was snapped back to my senses
- and the first time the day after I felt so guilty and ashamed of myself that I broke down in tears for the first time in years
- now, this isn't a sob story, but it was that memorable of an experience for me
- after the fact, I realized that I was letting anxiety and a fear of losing the love I had take control over me
- by suppressing these emotions, and pretending I didn’t have them, they came back stronger than ever
- the defense mechanisms my brain may have trained itself on back then didn’t hold up when it was the this level of deep connection, with my lover.
- the truth is that I wasn't in control of my emotions, I was suppressing them
- that sort of good temper I had wasn’t from control and acceptance of my emotions, it was from emotionally checking out
- by emotionally checking out, I wasn't hearing the other person's perspective, I wasn’t present.
- since then, while I have caught myself succumbing to the same flaws again, with each time I learn more about myself
- I question myself whenever I begin to feel these emotions
- I reflect on how they take shape in my body, what moment caused them
- I revisit the situation in my journal later, trying to evoke the same emotion again
- it's helped me pinpoint that much of my outlashes were a result of anxiety, and a fear of losing the love that I had ~ possibly from traumatic childhood experiences
- from these learnings, I have been much more present in my emotions, especially in terms of disagreements
- what this means for me is not "emotionally checking out" to defend myself when people didn't agree with me
- it was being vulnerable enough to allow myself to feel these emotions of resistance
- to act in wonder as to why I was feeling the ways that I did
- when I came face to face with these emotions, and had the courage to honestly admit in an argument the ways that I was feeling in response to what they said
- I vulnerably put myself out there
- by being vulnerable and setting my partiality out on to the table, I was finally able to fully engage and empathize with what the other person was saying

 **Result**

- in the context of my relationship, I have had some of the deepest and most connection worthy dialogues of my life
- she and I are closer than ever thanks to this
- the level of courage it took to fully lay out my emotions to the one person closest to me is eons harder than doing so to acquaintances, groupmates, or strangers

**Final reflection**

- what this experience has taught me was the value of being present and accepting my emotions in dialogue
- while I still struggle with feelings of anxiety, and letting my emotions and partiality, and a fear of being open with how I am really feeling
- the awareness and recognition of this flaw has been one of the most transformative realizations for my growth as a person

<my rough draft>