Date: 2015-12-09
To: Home
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: mist

I¢ve been delaying this post. Mainly because my feeling is once this is posted, it is officially the end of my thru-hike. I won¢t be posting to this journal any more. I know that the physical and mental portion of those 148 days is over, but it¢s a new challenge being off the trail. I miss the trail every day, all day. I miss the miles. I enjoyed having a goal everyday and seeing the miles click away as I became closer and closer to Katahdin. I miss being outside. It was such a wonderful feeling to exercise every day, have the endorphins kicking in, and experience the sights, sounds, and smells of my surroundings. I miss the lifestyle. Everything was easier, simpler, more meaningful and deliberate. And mostly I miss the people. Some I had met early on and now have no idea if they finished. I often wonder about them. I recall trail names, faces, or places where we met but beyond those encounters, there is no more. But it was the close friends I had made or the acquaintances along the way. We had a common bond, and I guess we still do, if I really think about it. We shared the same struggles, shared the same triumphs, but each had our own ups and downs along the way. No two hikes can ever be, even remotely, the same.I am so fortunate to have had the opportunity to hike the trail. I know many people will never get the chance to, so hearing from friends, coworkers, and Trailjournals readers on how they have hiked the trail through my eyes really means something to me. I am grateful to have made it through unscathed and stronger than ever, mentally and physically.Sometimes I don¢t like to think of the trail though. It¢s because I have so many great experiences that I will never go back to be able to relive again. They are now memories. Because so, they become hurtful. Yet I find myself still daydreaming about my journey and everything that went along with it. It¢s tough to explain in words, but I feel it. Just like the feelings I had when I walked. Only I could feel it. There are no words or pictures to accurately tell my tale.Despite those feelings, I have a great sense of joy and happiness the trail has brought me, which I feel every day, all day. People around me can see this. I guess it¢s my internal struggle, feeling hurt by not being out there yet feeling accomplished and proud of what I have done. I will say the feelings of joy and happiness triumph all else. I know the trail had beaten me up and tried to break me, physically and mentally. I didn¢t let it though. I took Mother Nature¢s punches on the chin, sucked it up and stayed on my feet. I took on the mental toll of being lonely and tired for many days and nights, mile after mile, and still came out standing. I absorbed the hits the trail had taken on my body, trying to break me down, hurt me and make me stop. I slowed but never stopped. I endured, I persevered, and I focused and took whatever measure was necessary so I could see the sign on Katahdin. I took the bad with the good and wouldn¢t have changed a thing.Never in my life have I ever experienced something like the trail where I was able to see the absolute best in people. Kindness rules the land in the woods and the land around us. It¢s been an amazing experience, one which I wouldn¢t have changed, and I know the trail will forever be a part of my life.