Date: 2016-03-04
To: Still in my office.
Miles today: 0.0

The first couple of days after my thru-hike plans became common knowledge, I was inundated with more questions than I could have possibly imagined. Some of them I expected, others... well, I'm still recovering from the shock of some of the weirder questions. I got tired of answering them really quickly, because I'm shy and awkward and get pretty tired of most conversations pretty fast, so I figured I'd just answer all the questions here, then hand out the URL to every casual acquaintance who asks me about my period or the ratio of carbs to fat in the average thru-hiker's diet.So, without further ado, FAST FAQS:1. Aren't you scared?No, not a chance. Just Kidding.Of course I am. Are you insane? I'm quitting my job and selling my belongings and will be living in the forest for six months, like some deranged racoon with a probable drinking problem. Anyone who says they aren't scared is a dirty liar. That being said, no, I'm not scared of thunder storms or bears or serial killers. I cannot control weather or wild animals so there's just no point. What I am afraid of is: failing, injury, hating it, not making friends, quitting, running out of money, and not knowing what to do with myself after Springer Mountain.2. What about those serial killers? I read a book about that once...Look, is there anywhere in America where someone HASN'T been murdered? I've lived this long without being murdered, so I feel pretty good about my chances. 3. So, are you taking a gun?No. 4. But, how are you going to hunt for food?With my bare hands and a two inch long Swiss Army knife.Seriously though, the AT hits a grocery store every couple of days and, even in Vermont, you can barter for food with cold hard cash and/or Bernie bucks (cartoons of Bernie Sanders worth $10 American in Vermont and $0.0001 outside Vermont).5. Will you bathe? Aren't you going to smell bad?Yes, occasionally. and Yes.But I'm a hippy liberal AND a triathlete. I already smell bad most of the time. If you're coming to visit me, I will pay you in Bernie bucks to bring me a clean t-shirt. 6. But, what about *whispers* that time of the month?http://divacup.com/If you are a lady and don't already own one of these, we need to discuss this before we go any further. 7. So will you sleep in a tent?Hammock actually. And I bet I know what your next question will be: what if it rains? It has a rainfly. What if there are no trees, you say? It's the eastern US, there are trees everywhere. Also, I could just sleep on the ground, that wouldn't kill me for a night.8. Are you really hiking alone?Let me answer that question with a question: Would you be interested in quitting your job to hike in the woods with me for 6 months? No? Then, yes, I am really hiking alone...You were my last shot. *Sigh*9. What did your mom say?She was not surprised in the slightest. In fact, I think she was mostly surprised I hadn't done it already. That lady, god love her, has indulged more of my hare-brained schemes than everyone else in my life combined. Yes, she is scared for me, no, she has never once tried to talk me out of it.10. Will you have a blog?No. Except for this one. I will have this one. So, yes.