Date: 2011-08-23
From: Mt. Lincoln, NH

To: Heading Home
Miles today: 0.0

OK, so as most of you know, I've wrapped up my hike and will be heading home. Steve is coming to pick me up this weekend and deposit me in Charleston on Labor Day weekend.After a little over eight hundred and fifty miles and two and a half months of hiking, it seems strange to not be on the trail. Yesterday felt like a normal zero day, today feels like I'm now a tourist instead of a hiker. Once Steve gets here we are planning to drive up to the top of Mt. Washington and check it out.I finally called it quits on the top of Mt. Lincoln, after limping up one last mountain. Whether it is ridiculous or sublime, I couldn't call it quits at the bottom of Franconia Notch. When I woke up at the Liberty Springs campsite after a night of thunderstorms, I still couldn't quit. Once I got above treeline, in forty degree temperatures and rain driven by forty to fifty mile per hour winds (wind chill of about twenty) I hiked on over Little Haystack Mountain and up to Mt. Lincoln at 5049 feet. At this point, it would be just as easy to go on over Mt. Liberty and Mt. Garfield to the next shelter and then on to Crawford Notch as it would be to turn around and go back down. To me, there are three components to having the fortitude for a long distance hike. You have to have the heart (desire), the mind (determination) and the physical body (ability). If one of those is missing, the other two can carry you quite a ways. In my case, I had already decided to wrap up the hike at the end of August, feeling it was time to go home. I expected to make it over Mt. Washington by then. After the thigh injury on Smart Mountain, followed by the knee injury on South Kinsman (possibly, one led to the other) the physical ability was pretty limited. Steps were painful and missteps were worse. At this point, the desire and ability were both compromised, so all I had left was determination (or stubbornness if you prefer). That was enough to get me up Mt. Lincoln (although a stumble into a tree resulted in a bruised shoulder). If I went another mile to the top of Mt. Lafayette, it wouldn't make sense to turn around. The shelter would be too close to ignore. So having taken the mind and physical in balance (it was equally easy to go on or go back) the deciding factor was my desire. At that point I decided I was done. I stood in the shelter of a boulder and made a few phone calls, gave my hat to a young girl that was freezing, sniled and hiked back down without any regrets. Today, I'm still sure it was the right decision for me.What did I figure out or learn. That will come to me over time. I do know that I am emotionally at peace. I'm not worried about what comes next. Physically, I lost about fifty pounds, so despite the problems with the right leg (sore from ankle to hip now) I'm in better shape. I need to quickly resume a high activity level and control my diet to keep from gaining it back and to lose even twenty more. I'll work on acting and eating conciously. I've become less attached to stuff. For two and a half months, everything I needed to survive was on my back. My percieved needs have become simpler. I have learned to appreciate the people in my life. The support from family and friends was amazing. The packages sent, the guest book entries the encouraging messages were all fantastic motivators. Thanks to all who sent packages (Lisa, Susan, Connie, Crazy Ed, Mom, Karen) and those who offered but never got the chance (Jennifer and Karla). Thanks to Rusty for maintaining the journal and Steve for coming to get me. Thanks to Justin for the trail visit and Andrew for keeping things under control at home. Thanks to Julie for showing up in my life and helping me figure out what this journey was all about. Thanks to Mark for the zero day and Hydro and Mad Mike for the trail magic. Thanks to Jeff, Chet, Karen(at Tiggers treehouse) and all the other hostels that support hikers making their own personal journeys. Thanks to Quest Seeker and Delaware Dave for sharing the trail with me for so many miles. The journey we made together will remain an important part of our lives and we will remain friends. As for all the other hikers I shared time with on the trail, good luck on finishing your own journeys and I'll see you at trail days.I'll probably come back in a week or two and add some more thoughts, and update the experience of being home, but for now I'll just enjoy the feeling of having accomplished something that for me still seems pretty amazing.