Date: 2018-10-20
To: View Entry
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: overcast clouds

A couple months before my hike, I read a book called Appalachian Trials: The Mental and Emotional Guide to Thruhiking the AT. It was written by a guy with the trail name The Good Badger, who thruhiked a couple years ago. The whole book was really insightful, but the most helpful part was at the beginning when Badger asks you to make three lists. I found it really important to make these lists and keep them with me because on the bad days, when the shit gets really tough, it¢s so easy to forget why you started all this. Why you gave up a life of comfort for the life of extreme. I kept my lists with me the whole time and reading them now at the very end truly puts into perspective how far I¢ve come. And I¢ve come SO far. 1 ) I am thruhiking the AT because...I need to prove to myself and others that I can. I need change and adventure. I need a new beginning, the start of a new chapter. It¢s the opportunity of a lifetime and it might not come again. I crave a challenge. I¢ve always wanted too since I learned about it. I want time and a space to evaluate what I want most out of life. I want to test my limits. I want to develop a new approach/perspective to life. I want to grow.2 ) When I successfully thruhike the AT I will...Have an unbeknownst confidence in myself. Be mentally and emotionally independent of others. Be in my greatest physical shape yet. Have a clearer vision of my future. Accomplished the most challenging physical feat of my life. Checked one off the bucket list. Soaked up everything one life has to offer within just six months. Taken complete advantage of my youthfulness. Proved people wrong. No longer fear loneliness. Beat statistics. Discover what I value most in life. Have learned to love every part of myself. 3 ) If I give up on the AT I will...Be a disappointment to myself and others. Be lost and depressed. Doubt myself and what I¢m capable of. Feel ashamed. Taint the entire experience with failure. ¢Settle¢ in all aspects of life afterwards. Die with regret. Constantly have to explain and justify my failure to others. Become reliant again on others for mental and emotional support. Have to face ¢real life¢ sooner than planned. Have lost friends, money, time, and a steady job all for nothing. Looking back at this, I can truthfully say that I got everything I wanted out of this trail and so, so much more. It was more than overcoming the mountains and miles. It was getting stuck in my head for hours day in and day out. It was overcoming my mind, my anxieties, my fears, my doubts, my insecurities. I¢ve finally learned to live with myself and be comfortable with every part of me. Some of my hardest days involved me being cold, wet, tired and alone. But the only way out is through. Instead of quitting, I learned how to thrive. I found comfort within all the discomfort. And peace within my chaotic mind. I learned that the universe laughs at my attempts to control and plan my little world. Because in reality, everything is so temporary, so fleeting. Sometimes plan, but most of the time just go. Let the good and bad come as it is. I¢m better at adapting than I once thought. Every limit placed upon me is artificial. I¢ve truly never felt so capable, so free. It¢s a beautiful thing to realize the whole world is right in front of you and all you have to do is reach out and grab it. You¢ll never hear me say the words ¢I can¢t¢ again. Because I definitely can... I DID.