Date: 2015-05-27
From: Black Rock Hut

To: Hightop Hut
Miles today: 21.4
Weather: overcast clouds

Billy had to help me get my food bag down from the bear pole this morning because it was so heavy and so high and I have weak T Rex arms. There is a giant pole with hooks on it, and you have to use another pole with a hook on the end to lift your bag up to the top of the other one. It is probably easy for everyone else... who doesn't carry three pounds of M&Ms...I hiked with Chris again today. Hiking alone yesterday was nice. I didn't really miss him that much while hiking, even though I was sad to say goodbye to him in the morning. I like my alone time, and we had been hiking together for days so it was nice to have some introversion time. At the same time, one of the best things about hiking with him is that I am free to walk behind him thinking my own thoughts without having to worry about keeping up conversation. That's not to say that we never talk, but we don't talk most of the time we are hiking. It works.So maybe I didn't miss hiking with him that much. I did miss him, though. We admitted to each other that we did enjoy the opportunity to spend a day hiking alone. Seriously, it was a long stretch that we spent together. Especially the last few days, when we were camping basically by ourselves and hardly interacted with many other people all day. It's amazing that anyone can put up with spending that much time with any other person without going insane and getting murderous urges to clobber them.I don't know. Our relationship is so weird. There are so many good things about Chris. He doesn't drink and doesn't smoke. He isn't gross and disgusting like some people out here. Sometimes, when close to town (and therefore garbage cans), he picks up other people's trash off the trail. He is an attractive guy. The silences between us aren't awkward. We are getting more comfortable with each other, and it is easier to joke and talk to each other. We share things (including lots of food, and multiple pizzas) and help each other. One of the best things? I don't think about Jim when I am with him. I have gone entire days barely thinking about Jim, for the first time in like eight years. When I was with Columbo, and presented with the opportunity for a romantic relationship, all I could think about was how much I missed Jim. I haven't been missing him much lately (yay! The trail is healing Red Panda's broken heart like it was supposed to, after all!)....but I have no idea what my relationship with Chris really is. Friends? Hiking companions? There is no way to define it. There has been no romance. We don't flirt. He only pays for his half of the pizza and doesn't buy me socks. Really, I don't know. I don't know how much we really have in common besides the AT, and if we would even be friends off the trail. But it has been working so far. I am a happy Red Panda with my awesome hiking companion. It is so nice to have someone to slow down with, to enjoy trail experiences with and split pizzas with.This morning, after about half a mile of hiking, we stopped so I could take off my jacket. I thought about what he had said about enjoying hiking solo yesterday."You would let me know if you wanted to hike alone, right?" I asked him. I didn't want to intrude. I know that there is a balance that has to be struck. On the trail, everyone needs to hike their own hike. And by hiking together for so long, we are at risk of hiking OUR hike. Which is okay, but neither of us should feel trapped or obligated to the other.That is just how it works, like I said before. People come and people go. I never expected to hike with Chris for so long. The day we met at Elmer's in Hot Springs, he had said that we should hike a day together if I ever caught up to him. I kind of brushed this off, because I was taking a zero the next day while he continued on, and I didn't expect to ever see him again. I figured he would be way north of me for the rest of my journey. At that point, I was also still early in my journey and stubborn in my decision to hike my own hike, and was working through my emotional issues.And when we met again in Damascus, he was departing again while I was zeroing.And then we met AGAIN at Partnership Shelter, and he shared his pizza with me (and boy do I love pizza). And we both get up early and that day we were both heading into Atkins and we just kind of fell in together.And that day turned into days. Those 11.2 miles into Atkins continued to add up. Today we crossed the 900 mile mark. Shortly afterwards, we stopped by a view to sit and rest our feet, and I wondered aloud how many miles we had hiked together, and how many days.So tonight I did the math. We discussed the days and miles. Yesterday and yesterday's miles don't count as a day and miles we hiked together. The day I caught up with him around noon after hiking Dragon's Tooth only counts as half a day.And the result?We have spent fourteen and a half days together (that includes our zero in Daleville). More than TWO WEEKS. THAT IS SUCH A LONG TIME. Together, we have hiked 239.6 miles. Tonight we are at Hightop Hut, 903.7 miles north of the first white blaze on Springer Mountain. 26.5%. We have hiked 26.5% of those 903.7 miles together. And we will probably continue together for a few more days, approaching Harpers Ferry, where he will spend a couple of days with his parents, who are driving to visit.That is crazy. So many miles. So much time. And I haven't even had the urge to run away or tell him to shut up or leave me alone or anything. He still hasn't told me to get lost, either.I don't know how I feel. I don't know how I feel about Chris. I am an emotionally confused hiker girl. The day I met mom and Dan, Chris and I stopped for lunch at Laurel Creek. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day. We soaked our sore feet in the wonderfully cold water. And at one point, he moved over to make room for me to sit next to him on a rock while he made his peanut butter/trail mix/tortilla lunch. So I did, using my spork to eat tuna out of a packet. And at one point he reached behind me for his food bag (the guy is always going for his food bag, I swear), and unintentionally touched my back. And I felt a spark. The kind of spark that I haven't felt in forever. The spark I didn't feel with Columbo (who has a trail journal, by the way. It looks like he is enjoying his hike, which is good). I DON'T KNOW WHY. I CANNOT UNDERSTAND MY OWN HEART. NOTHING MAKES SENSE.So there was a BIT of a spark. Nothing came of it, though. Our relationship is quite platonic so far and I am inclined to think that it is best. Less drama. Less confusion. I would be curious to know what he really thinks of me, though.Anyway, this morning I wanted to make sure that Chris actually WANTED to hike with me and wasn't just too nice to tell me to get lost. We both agreed that we would be comfortable telling the other if we wanted to hike alone. We respect each other and each other's hike.So then we set off! Nice and early, the sun rising and shining through the trees in the morning fog. I made Chris stop so I could take a picture.We are now in Shenandoah National Park, and all of the bazillion side trails are marked with big cement posts, which have metal bands around them punched with the distances and directions of different landmarks. While stopping to read one, Chris spotted a bunny munching on the lush greenery. The hipbelt on my new pack is too big so my shoulders,ached, but it still carries better than Bertha (may she rest in peace). We lamented that Shenandoah National Park is not as interesting as we expected. We passed Hot Chocolate slack packing southbound again. We pounded out the miles on the relatively flat terrain.We got off the trail to visit the Loft Mountain Campground Wayside, because Chris wanted a milkshake. The first thing I did on arrival was head to the bathroom to wash my grubby, grubby hands and grubby, grubby face. I was so sweaty from hiking that I thought the AC in the building might give me pneumonia.Chris ordered a breakfast sandwich and hash browns. I went for the most delicious and cheaper option of sweet potato fries. I even shared some.Then he went back for his milkshake. And of course I couldn't watch him have dessert and not have dessert myself. I went for the cheaper option, asking the lady behind the counter how big a scoop of ice cream was. She assured me that one scoop would be big enough. And that wonderful woman packed a nice, big scoop on that cone for me. It was glorious.All of this wonderful eating happened before 10 a.m. When we stopped at the first shelter only a couple hours later, Chris still dug out his food bag for a snack. His constant eating makes me eat constantly. My thighs keep expanding.And we hiked. It is getting too late to journal more. We spent a ton of time trying to plan out the next few days but shelters and campgrounds are inconveniently spaced. My next mail drop is 70 miles out, so we will have to bypass it because we will get there Sunday, when the post office is closed. I will have to call and have them send it back home. We have to get to Harpers Ferry by Wednesday.The same company is at this shelter as last night, plus Yellow Bird tenting nearby. Magnus and Cocoa are also tented nearby.I am thankful for 900 miles, for Chris, and ear plugs.