Date: 2003-09-22
From: Route 25a

To: Glenncliff Hiker Hostel
Miles today: 0.0

I woke up early this morning, cold. I think it was that I wore my windbreaker an that blocked my body heat to the loft in my bag. I had to get up to go to the bathroom. So, then I took off my jacket, and when I went back in the bag it seemed warmer. My spirits were not any higher today. I think there was a point where they were at their all-time low. I really don't know if you can really call it a low, because I am so happy with what I have accomplished. I feel that I have had such a lifetime experience. I am so happy that I actually came out. I've learned so much out here in the woods, but I think I've learned more by the different personalities. Every state on the trail has its own uniqueness about it. The sceneries varied as well as the people.It is funny how we all live in the same country but each community has its own lifestyle. I am so glad I had the opportunity to see these differences. I am proud for how far I've come. Now I'm staring to feel that I'm pushing for the wrong reasons. This trip is no longer about Katahdin. I've already received more from the AT than I would have ever imagined. I thought about this today.At a low point today, I stepped into a bog, getting my clean socks and covering my shoes in mud. When you step in bogs, your feet get this really rancid stench. So I made it to a shelter, took off my shoes, and took the broom. Brushing and sweeping like crazy to get this foul smelling mud off them before it socks through and the smell gets into my socks. Before I knew it, I was swinging that broom with all my force, just releasing my anger and aggression. I'm tired of hiking alone. I'm tired of smelling like shit.   I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I wanted to cry, but couldn't. Since when did me finishing Katahdin become other peoples' choices? This really pisses me off. So I found myself beating my shoes no longer to get the mud off but releasing anger. It worked. Hiker broom rage! I put my shoes on and said, "I'm ready. I'm ready to go home." I've decided I will stick it out one more week. Make it through the Whites then decide.I think it would be cool to get to the spot where the five thru-hikers in 1999 convinced me to try this adventure. Osgood Tent Site. To me, that spot is more meaningful than Katahdin. Those thru-hikers from 1999 have given me a gift more than anyone has given me. They gave me the dream of this trip, which has been one of the most beautiful things in my life.   A chance to taste the East Coast Appalachian mountain range. Today I did not make my miles at all. I went into Glennwood to get my mail drop and decided to stay. Even though the miles are needed, but I needed a mental break. I want to catch up to Laughing Bird and Flying Bear to say "Good bye." But maybe I'm just tired of hiking alone. Maybe if I see them or Rodent, maybe I will get back into hiking and enjoying my walk. Who knows. Only time will tell. I'm giving it one more week, at least.Today in hotel. Bulldog and Detour. Thanks Bulldog for the ear to listen to me whine. Bulldog is interested in a winter ascent of Mt. Katahdin if there is a group going to try to tage that summit in winter. I'm routing in his name.--The Torn ButtercupPS I had the most kickbutt smoothie today! Too bad it didn't last too long. I miss it already.