Date: 2003-05-07
From: Sarver Hollow Shelter

To: Pickle Branch Shelter
Miles today: 15.9
Weather: overcast clouds

No rain last night, but it was a pretty decent night's sleep in the shelter. I realized I hadn't slept in a shelter since April 27th! That seems like such a long time. I'd camped at shelters, but not slept inside since then. No such luck tonight at Pickle Branch though. The shelter was full when Hotdog and I arrived, so we're in tents anyway. I'm hoping for no rain tonight, but will accept it if it happens. This is the second shelter in a row that is 0.3 mile off the trail, but this side trail wasn't as steep as last night's, and I survived the climb out of that one this morning, so I'll be fine.Two of the thruhikers here are from Naples: Bonfire and Apollo. I'd emailed Apollo briefly before our adventures began, but hadn't met her yet. She started Feb. 24th. It's weird to catch up to others on the trail...that doesn't happen often with me. Others at the shelter are Greg, Lisa and dog Sampson, Snuggles, and two guys, and tented here are Tapeworm, and another guy who's name I don't know. They said about 5 others are on their way here tonight too. It's too bad there's no way to let them know the shelter is full, before they come that far off the AT. Today was a mixed day, emotionally, for me. The weather was good with some clouds and some sun, but no rain. About a mile after leaving the shelter, the trail crossed huge slabs of rock that were sloped down the mountain. It was fun to cross them, and not slide off the mountain, but I wasn't in much of a mood to be having fun. My "angry" lower right leg was really bothering me, and it put me in a bad mood. I'm hoping it's just a muscle strain, and not shin splints, or something worse. It came on fairly suddenly yesterday, although I don't recall any particular injury. Today, about 3 inches above the ankle, it's swollen.When we stopped for a break at Niday Shelter, 6 miles north, I wrapped my lower leg with an Ace bandage. It seemed to help, because I was back to normal, or near-normal pace after that. I was feeling good about it. For a while anyway.The highlight of the day, other than the rock scrambling, was visiting the Audie Murphy Monument on Brush Mountain. He is the most decorated World War II veteran, including being awarded three Purple Hearts! After his military career, he starred in western B-movies, and was killed in an airplane crash near the site of the Monument. When I saw the Monument, and read the inscription, tears came to my eyes. This man fought for people he didn't even know! I thought about my country's current military struggles, and of all the men and women that fight for freedom, in our country and in other countries. They are true heroes.Thinking about this, once again, made me think about my situation, and how fortunate I am to be able to do this. Maybe I miss my friends and family, and that's the reason, but I feel so blessed to be out here.Even though today I hurt, I know that there is a Plan for me, and a reason I'm out here. I don't know the reason, but I am certain there is one. In reading one of the shelter register entries from Subman, who is way ahead on the AT, he wrote that he hoped me and some other Pack 31 members were doing fine, and that he's praying for us. I thought about my beliefs regarding religion, and realize that, even though I don't attend regular church services and haven't for years, I am a religious person and a deep believer that God has a plan for my life. When I feel down, I try to think about this, and that God won't give me more than I can handle. Every challenge sent my way is a lesson for me to learn. That doesn't mean I don't get upset, or think things are unfair, but I try see the good in situations like that.I remarked to Hotdog today that I almost cried today and yesterday, and he said "The hiking machine has emotions?!" I said "Yep" and thought it odd that he thinks I don't. But then I thought about myself. I don't show emotions. I mean, I laugh and smile when I'm happy, but when I'm sad, I don't show it outwardly. I tend to keep those feelings inside, and I'm not sure why. Is it a sign of weakness? Am I embarrassed about those feelings? I don't know that it's something I can change either. I've been that way for a long time, and nothing has changed me so far. I'm not even sure I need changing. I've been able to learn a lot about myself over the last 5 or 6 years. It wasn't a conscious effort to do it. It just happened. Maybe I just started to pay attention to how I reacted in certain situations. Whatever it is, I consider it "growth" and I like it. Even if I learn about all of my negative habits, I'd rather realize them and at least have an opportunity to chan! ge them, than to never even know they're there. I think that's part of this AT adventure, part of why I wanted to do this... to learn about myself.That and to lay in my tent listening to an owl hooting, turkeys gobbling, and crows cawing over a backdrop of the sound of a rushing stream, just like I am now. Life isn't always easy, but right now, life is good.