Date: 2003-08-25
From: Greymoor Friary

To: RPH Shelter
Miles today: 18.8
Weather: scattered clouds

Unfortunately, more rain came and interrupted my sleep under the stars part way through the night. I scrambled to get inside and under cover. Toby woke up and asked what I was doing. ¢It¢s raining,¢ I said. ¢Oh, I thought you just missed me!¢ he teased. Turns out it was just a sprinkling, nothing too bad.It¢s been interesting to watch over the last two days: we¢ve got three different hiking philosophies going on here, none of them ¢better¢ than another, although I think we tend to try to convince each other our own way is best! Especially since we¢re trying to stick together.When I¢ve been alone, I get going early ¢ usually at least by 8am ¢ but it takes me about an hour and a half from the time I wake up. Then I hike straight for four, sometimes six hours, so I have at least half (preferably more than half) the day¢s miles out of the way before I stop for along lunch break. Another four or six hours hiking and I get to my destination. I may or may not stop at any points of interest along the way. For me, frequent stops remind me how tired I am and how much my legs and/or feet hurt, and I just want to ¢get there¢ so I can sit down and relax! For good.Toby stays up later and wakes up later, gets going later; and he takes lots of breaks ¢ every one to three hours or so. He snacks more, too, and doesn¢t mind too much hiking into the shelter after dark.Bushwhack and Bramble get up early and GO ¢ up by 6:15am, out by 6:45am. They also take frequent breaks ¢ about every five miles. Bushwhack likes to get into camp around five or six to have time to hang out before it¢s dark and/or bedtime.It¢s tough to reconcile these philosophies, and somehow tonight feels like personalities are knocking heads! But it¢s been fun to have B&B along ¢ lots more laughs than usual! They are so nice and I think new friends for life.I¢ve been continually re-evaluating my plan, what I¢ll do next. Most recently I thought after this week with B&B I¢d skip up to do Maine or part of Maine and then be done. Toby just came over to brainstorm with me on how to get up there. Not a great subject to ponder at bedtime ¢ kind of stresses me out to try to decide, which is why I¢ve put off trying! Ha. To hike or not to hike?Anyway it showed he cared and still wanted to try to stick together as long as possible. That¢s cool ¢ means a lot.I¢m tired, and 6am is going to come way to fast¢¦10:54pm. Since I was little, I can remember having trouble sleeping. My family laughs at me, but I remember clearly sitting up in bed at night in Angwin with insomnia (about age 5!). That I should have it now, tonight, after hiking 18 miles, I think speaks loudly of the body¢s ability to adapt to what stress we put it under! And also of my mental state¢¦I was almost asleep when Rodent came back half an hour or so ago. Wish I¢d had my earplugs in!I¢m such a girl ¢ crying over frustration. Who would have ever thought hiking the AT could be this stressful?!I feel so much pressure right now. Pressure to get up and get going early tomorrow so I can hike another 18 miles. Pressure to get to sleep so I can get up early! Pressure to stay on the schedule Bushwhack figured out for this week ¢ and so that if I decide to go all the way to Big K I¢ll be able to make it by October 15. Pressure to eat more so I won¢t be short on energy and pressure to eat less so I¢ll lose weight. (I know this shouldn¢t be an issue on the Trail, but I guess it¢s an issue for women wherever we are ¢ if we let it be, that is¢¦) Pressure because I really want to go home, and pressure because I¢ll be so disappointed I didn¢t make it. A little financial pressure after three months of not working and facing a year on limited income. Pressure to know what I¢m going to do for the next few weeks so I can know how to plan how to get where and where to tell Matt to meet me if he¢s going to come hike with me, which he wants to do. Pressure if I do keep going because I want to be able to stick with Toby, but our hiking style is different, big miles every day wears me out, and I NEED my Sabbath rest for sanity¢s sake. And underneath it all pressure from the 300 miles I skipped in Virginia. Pressure because I¢m a week and a half behind in my journal! Pressure because I¢ve been neglecting my spiritual needs. Pressure because I don¢t know where I¢m storing my stuff or my cat while I¢m in Norway. Even if I get off the Trail at the end of September I know that month is going to fly by trying to get things together to go overseas for a year. And to try to stay on the Trail until October 15 and then get ready?! Not enough time to recover!I don¢t know. It will all fall into place. It always does. It will look better in the morning. Just now it was all closing in; I have a tendency to let it sometimes.Both Toby and Rodent say that for them, at this point, quitting is simply not an option. I¢ve always thought that of people who got off this far along ¢ how could they come this far and then not keep going?!I guess what it boils down to is that I have to Hike My Own Hike. If that means I don¢t do the entire Trail, THAT¢S OKAY. I have to find peace about that.