Date: 2017-04-16
From: Shook Branch Road

To: Campsite after Wilbur Dam Road
Miles today: 4.5

I didn't sleep very well and the stress of so many people in such a small area had sent my anxiety level over the edge the night before. My brain still hadn't recovered by morning but I decided to try to work my way through the muck and try to join the small group at church. We got a shuttle from the hostel to the church and the six of us piled in a pew. We were in our freshly washed Hiker attire while everyone else was in their Easter dresses and suits. The people were very welcoming.   I was raised in church and even attended a southern baptist college but I have always felt like I didn't belong. This church was no exception. To be trite, it's me, not them. For the millionth time in my life, I felt like a weedy dandelion in a garden full of beautiful roses. I managed to make in through the first few minutes of introductions and anniversaries.   They played one song then a few minutes of the message. Then came the second song. I have always been extremely music sensitive. It can take me higher than a kite or send me to the deepest darkness. The second song turned my world black. I managed to escape out the back before I imploded.   I hid behind a building trying to regain control. I stared at the mountains around and desperately wanted to transport myself back to the safety of the trail. The trail has been the only place I have ever found a touch of comfort and I needed to be back there. As I sat out there of course I wasn't alone. The birds sang and the butterflies danced around reminding me that they see my pain. As I waited and cried, two of the women in the group came to check on me. It was a comfort but also a fear that materialized. Someone has seen me at a weak moment. Will they take advantage of that and use it in the future? Will they judge my fears as irrational and put me in the outcast box?   Will I accept that comfort this one time to only be denied if I ever need it again? As I tried to put all my pieces back together, I sealed off that part of me and locked that little box. Church finally ended and the others came out. We started walking towards the restaurants in town. We ate at Subway and waited on the shuttle for a ride back to our packs. I was desperate to be in the woods again. I needed to walk off the pain in my head and give it to my body to process. We ended up back on the trail around 2 with grand plans to go 9 miles. Needless to say that didn't happen. Only a couple miles in, I went back for one of the other women who was in a well deserved panic mode herself due to the immaturity and creepiness of another hiker. We ended up only walking through the closed area around Watauga Lake then found a campsite right after. The two guys in the group went in search of water.It took forever for the guys to come back but not only did they bring water but they arrived in a convoy of vehicles with the most amazing trail magic. A generous family was at the lake having an Easter Dinner and they gave us all the leftovers!   We ate well and headed off to sleep grateful for full bellies. **Photos/Videos on Facebook -- Mickie Blair (Dicey Willow)