Date: 2010-05-08
From: Partnership

To: Knot Maul Shelter
Miles today: 25.5
Weather: clear sky

Figured out that I can set my alarm on the phone without it being "on" all night. Had to ask where the AT went from the shelter because it was still dark and I was groggy from the Benadryl. WINDY last night! The trees around the shelter were popping and cracking loudly in the gales. Raining a little this AM, but it's warm out. Going to wear shorts in the rain for the first time.The Rhododendron's are blooming!!! The wind was absolutely howling on the ridgelines today. Climbing up Brushy Mtn. (see there's another one...and there's even more to come!) required leaning into the wind. It stopped raining long enough for me to get into a better location. If it started raining in this wind I'd be freezing cold. Really amazing how loud the wind can be when its blows like this. Like a freight train! Then out of nowhere, it stops and the only sound in the entire forest is me. My breaths. My heartbeat. A leaf crackling. Then the train rolls back into town again and you can't hear anything at all.Partnership was a sweet shelter! Slept on the second level. Hard to take a piss at night. The climb down the ladder is dangerous. What a wonderful shower facility there! You could order takeout Pizza. I didn't, but everyone else did. Smelled goooood! Wizard shared a slice of his with me. It was all I could do to retain my composure when he asked if I wanted another. He was just being polite. I was just being considerate. It worked out.Lost a Werthers Original candy I set out at Chatfield Shelter while I filled out the register. The high voltage power lines after Vaught Branch was SCARY! I could hear the air crackling and sizzling above me. I guess it's the vibration of the wires that causes that noise. I ran under it because I was afraid it might fall. Crazy I know.Everyone kept telling us how flat and boring Virginia is. So far I'm enjoying it. It reminds me of home. The trail resembles the hiking around my area. Hearing I-81 traffic brought back memories of living close to I-85 all these years. The tires whining on the pavement at all hours of the day. You get acclimated to the noise. Now I bet I'd notice the sound.Walking across the giant open fields reminded me of sailing with Lish. The way she could read the approaching wind changes by observing the top of the water and trees. The grass waves and dances in the strong breeze here. Sometimes it looks like a creature is swimming beneath the weeds and grassy waves. The way it whirls around makes me think of the times Lish would make small adjustments to the sails. To compensate. When I'd drive the boat, we'd inevitably end up stalled or going dangerously backwards. I'm like a bull in a pottery shop. She's more patient. She'd hold the rudder to one side until the boat corrected itself. I'd throw the sail into the wind and flip the ship! That's why I'm out here. To change. Someone asked me, "Why are you out here?" My response was, "Because I knew this would change me, and I wanted the change it would bring."Sometimes I think the weather and elements of this place reflects my mental state. That's not possible. What I believe is, my mental state reflects to the physical aspects of the trail. When I walk fast and hard, I feel miserable. When I take my time, reflect, take pictures...my feelings make the experience more enjoyable. Instead of accomplishing this by force, sheer determination, which might eventually destroy my resolve and body, I have to be like a river flowing over sharp pointy rocks. Smoothly removing the rough places and grinding away at the surface of grit and stone. Keep rolling until the rocks are smooth and soft. Persistent.Atkins stunk! Asked the Hussy at the Exxon for water and she wanted to charge me 50 cents to fill up my own water bottle. I left the store pissed off and called Lish while I ate lunch in the sunshine. She's been offered a permanent job with Habitat!! She's still unsure of what to do. I think she should ask for extended time off before starting so she could hike with me. I'd still like to go to Spain with her after this is over.I tried Exxon again for my resupply. They do have a better selection of semi-genuine food. 99% of it is crap though. They're so ridiculously overpriced there! They call themselves "Hiker friendly". Bah! 70 cent Ramon noodles?!? Come on! $2 snickers? $11 Cranberries @ 48oz?!? $4 mixed nuts? I suppose it's better to pay high premiums for less high fructose corn syrup chemically induced meals. I picked out close to $45 worth of food on the checkout counter. Decided to splurge and get an icy/slushy. 1 squirt of the Raspberry...nothing came out. Empty. The Hussy behind the register makes a comment about just filling that one up...and why's it out so fast?! I wanted Raspberry and wasn't sure about the other flavors. So without complaint I squirt out enough for a taste, a small amount of the Kiwi Strawberry flavor. I liked it. So I pick out a large cup. Large cups get 3 squirts of flavoring. When I squirted 3 times the Hussy goes to barking at me about charging extra for the size cup I had. She said, "You only get 2 squirts!!" I pointed out the fact that I had a large cup...and it stated on the machine that they get 3.Mind you now, there is $45 worth of "food" on the counter in front of her the whole time. $45 worth of "food" that I intended to purchase. $45 worth of overpriced crap I wouldn't feed my dog, if I had one. They're probably making $35 profit on it because of the horrendously inflated prices. So, I tell the dumbass to keep her $0.89 cup and I the "food" back (in their correct locations!) while I lectured her on what "Hiker Friendly" really means. I walked out of the store...$45 still in my bank account and told her with blue/red stained lips, to "Have a nice day!"I resupplied at the Shell station instead. Got as much "real food" as possible. They even had apples! Alkaline showed up on the bench outside. I shared an apple with him as I drank my milk. His parents are coming to visit him here. Conan, Backwards, Daytripper, Thunder, Stitch, Seeker, Cheese and Red Lobster (she's a redhead with constant sunburn) ate at "The Barn". I had a BLT. Trying to be good and not eat like a pig in town. The "Love Birds" (Conan & Backwards and Daytripper & Thunder) went to the Exxon for ice cream and beer. I called them "Traders!" as they walked towards the store. I'd told them about my ordeal there. I'd been influencing people not to frequent their store since my negative experience there.I hiked to Davis Path Shelter and waited for the crew to arrive. Decided to push towards Pearisburg. I wanted to be in Damascus when Lish gets there. If I went with them, it'd be Friday at lunch before I'd see her. I'm determined to be there Thursday night when she gets to town. This means night hiking! When they arrive I tell them of my intentions to push forward. I'll see them in Damascus again. Thunder reminds us that tomorrow is Mothers Day. Every time someone mentions that now it feels like a hot butter knife cutting through my skin. Feels like being an orphan. Feels like the best friend, most reliable person in the whole world is gone.Night hiking is 50% fun and 50% scary as hell!! Wanted to get over Gullion/Big Walker Mtn. before turning on the head lamp. Lots of stumbling with the tunnel vision that the light creates. No depth perception. Big Walker Mtn. downhill was full of huge rocks, but the Rhododendron were at full blast! Wish I could smell them. My nose is still trashed from my cold. I keep thinking of Navidson from "The House of Leaves". Whoever wrote that book must be afraid of the dark. Horribly afraid of darkness. I like how the whole world takes on a more threatening tone when you can't see 20 feet in front of you! You can only feel lost. Like you're in a labyrinth and something is following you. Afraid to stop. Afraid to turn around. The White Blazes are your only companion then. Even thoughts of your worst enemy, your worse experiences are comforting somehow. Distracting from this nightmarish reality. The ghosts come out of the shadows. The bad experiences, wasted opportunities, poor decisions in your life are so much more pleasant, easier to forgive when the shadows of a rotting tree stump appears on the trail in the darkness. Your eyes can't focus, and it looks more like a pack of wild wolves feeding on a carcass than a dead tree. Funny how the ghosts play tricks on you. Tired and cold hiking. Head lamp getting dim and the corridor is getting narrow with poison ivy. Gut checks the whole way. Huge pastures and fields are hard to stay on the trail. No point of reference. Cow and horse trails criss-cross the AT and it's easy to get confused. Scaled many, many barbwire fences. Windy still. Like someone hitting your cheeks and legs with a frozen icicle.What a relief to get to VA610 finally! Crossed a swamp area and walked over the Holston River. Mud EVERYWHERE! Fell for the first time on the trail. Perception off and exhausted. Skinned my leg on a rock when I fell knee deep into mud that smelled of cow shit. Laughed at myself while getting up. Shoes covered in crappy smelling mud! Stumbled a lot while walking through deep muddy cow paths. Trails eroded all the way up to my knees. Walked into another huge pasture. Almost like I could feel the expanse of this large place open out before me. This place is GIGANTIC! Not point of reference, just grass and the far off shadows of the distant mountains. Not stars, cloudy. Felt like I was in an alien environment. Like being out to sea with no compass. Wanted to hug the few white blazes clinging to slanted, rotting fence posts. Over the next hill stood hundreds of glowing eyes. To wide to be deer. Large shadowy bodies appeared to move as I approached. Cows! I hope there are no bulls! Spooked to the marrow in my bones! The wind blew and I thought one of the cows was charging towards my back. I closed my eyes and collected myself. Point of reference inside my mind and heart. Found the trail I'd lost track of and kept moving. Sighed in relief again as I found the last highway, VA42. Practically ran the last two miles uphill with a fading headlamp battery. The steepness of the trail is grossly understated in my Guidebook for this section. Spooked again by 4 glowing eyes in the distance. Clapped my hands and they ran away. Only deer. Thought I saw bear bags hanging around every corner. Ready for this ordeal to end! The comforting feelings of seeing traces of humans only to find they weren't real, made the falling feeling of hope even harder to bare.Delirious. Hungry. Thirsty, but smiling at this incredibly, ridiculously entertaining adventure I'd brought upon myself. Grinning at times when my heart raced at the sound of animals in the dark moving away from the approaching light. I'm freezing, smell like crap, and I have to check to make sure I didn't soil myself because of all the scares I've had tonight. When the day is over for me. I'm in my bag. Eating a peanut butter bagel in my tent. I check my phones watch and it's 11:59pm. One the dot. No lie!There are ghosts that haunt me but at the same time they comfort me in some way. Thankful tonight! Glad to have the heart and soul to push on past the things that frighten me.