Date: 2009-07-31
From: Inn at Long Trail

To: Inn at Long Trail
Miles today: 0.0

My plan to get up and get going early was spoiled by the heavy rain that began around 6:30. Instead I slept in until almost 8! Then I showered and went downstairs to breakfast. There were two tables of four hikers each, so I sat alone again, but I felt better this morning, knowing the comments and jokes that I heard about the other night were directed at Mississippi and had nothing to do with me. Apparently, the weather channel was warning of heavy rain all day with flash flooding and everyone was scrambling to secure rooms for the night. I wasn¢t worried until I found out that many of the rooms were reserved for non-hikers coming in for the weekend. I asked Ewok if I could be included in the count, as he appeared to be in charge, but he told me they had no more room. I looked outside and told myself that I¢m tough, that I could deal with it. The rain wasn¢t such a big deal... But wait... it turns out that Ewok had miscounted! There was a place for me in a room of 6. It would be like staying in a hostel. After breakfast, I went upstairs to pack up, clear out of my room, and put my pack in the new common room. Then I went back to the living room in the inn and saw that I got a long e-mail from a dance teacher of mine that I had e-mailed yesterday. I wasn¢t sure if he actually comprehended what I was doing, so I told him that I had walked 1700 miles from Georgia to Vermont, that I still had 500 more to go, but that I had sprained my ankle and was having a hard time with recent experiences with selfish, manipulative people, and that I wish I could be around more positive people such as him and the other dancers right now.   I was completely floored with his response. From the little I said, he completely identified with what I was going through, and was able to write, in great detail, a very well thought-out response that stated exactly what was happening to me and why. It was also one of the sweetest, kindest, and complimentary letters I have ever received. He started off by telling me how much he missed me, how sorry he was to hear about the negativity from the people I was around, especially given the person I am, and encouraged me to call him for some uplifting and empowering energy anytime I needed it. He then proceeded to explain what was occurring to me on the trail, and relating it to experiences that he has had in his world of dance- where people who are in close proximity to you that aren¢t secure in themselves and who can not validate their own happiness and self-worth by who they are and what they do, feel that they must make those around them feel as miserable as they do. He described how they claim to have your best interest in mind, when they are actually gathering information about you to use as leverage, to manipulate, and to serve their own means. Eric says this makes them not only selfish, but dangerous, and urged me to maintain a healthy distance from them. He said these people usually show up when we are in the process of accomplishing a goal or an achievement. He said they smile to your face, but deep down yearn for your failure. He said that he has found that these people, ¢who are just so knee deep in their own selfish motives and manipulative agendas, drowning in the whims of their own negativity, are in fact crying out for help (perhaps by the most distorted, warped and twisted of unproductive means).¢ He said that they hate you because they want to be you.   The magnitude of this statement and everything he described, hit me so hard, that I sat there with tears streaming down my face. That was exactly what was happening to me. This person couldn¢t stand it that I was stronger than him- that I could walk through the rain without it bothering me, that I never felt so tired that I needed a ride to get further up the trail. He didn¢t like how I could experience pure joy without the use of drugs or alcohol. The only way that he knew how to make himself feel better was to take those around him down. I felt so sorry for him. I was more than nice and forgiving to him. I tried and tried to reach out to him and made great efforts to understand him, but he didn¢t want to be understood. He just wanted to hurt me. This is exactly what I grew up with my mother. Only then, I was trapped in a house with her until I could get away by going to college. I had plenty of experience with this kind of behavior, but I still never expect to find it in anyone else.   I was so grateful to Eric for the time and thought that he put into this letter, for explaining exactly what was going on, when I gave him two words to go from, and for validating the person I am. He gave me so many compliments that I didn¢t even feel I deserved. I later called him to tell him this and he called back to say that I deserve every one of them and that I need to hear those things when someone is doing something like that to me. I could not argue with him. It WAS what I needed. I was so happy that I reached out to people in my time of need, and that they were able to provide such love in return to me. I felt like I did have good things and people to return to after I finished my journey.   Kog asked me if he could borrow my iphone to look up some notes to a song he was trying to remember. In the meantime, I borrowed his travel guitar to see if I could remember any of the songs I was starting to learn before the AT. I did remember a little!   In the afternoon, all of the hikers either took a nap or read. The owner of the Inn called us ¢zero heroes.¢ I tried writing a couple of entries from more than a month ago. By this point, keeping a web journal seemed pointless. I was too far behind.   There was live music in the bar that night and it was hard to find a place to sit and have dinner. Two girls that had driven up from New York offered me one of their seats. The one that remained asked me a little about my hike and we ended up getting along really well. We had a lot of girl talk and she was completely sympathetic and supportive of what was happening to me. It was a good night for me. In the other room, Leon was playing the piano, and was joined by Bard Owl (whose family had come to meet and stay with him at the Inn) and Prairie Dog. They improvised several songs and I was so appreciative to witness the music they created that night. I haven¢t been around many musicians on the trail, so this was a special treat for me. Bard Owl has a great, supportive family. He is a lucky young man!   I ended up getting my own bed that night after all. Joker and Cyborg took the bunks and the guys slept in the other room. Everything was okay.When you're wearyFeeling smallWhen tears are in your eyesI will dry them allI'm on your sideWhen times get roughAnd friends just can't be foundLike a bridge over troubled waterI will lay me downLike a bridge over troubled waterI will lay me downWhen you're down and outWhen you're on the streetWhen evening falls so hardI will comfort youI'll take your partWhen darkness comesAnd pain is all aroundLike a bridge over troubled waterI will lay me downLike a bridge over troubled waterI will lay me downSail on Silver Girl,Sail on byYour time has come to shineAll your dreams are on their waySee how they shineIf you need a friendI'm sailing right behindLike a bridge over troubled waterI will ease your mindLike a bridge over troubled waterI will ease your mind-Simon and Garfunkel