Date: 2008-10-03
To: One year later
Miles today: 0.0

One year ago today I completed my thru-hike. Hiking the AT was one of the most selfish, self indulgent things I¢ve ever done. After living the responsible corporate life for 29 years I suddenly abandoned it, and sought to immerse myself in an environment that I had only tasted in the past, but had fantasized about becoming part of. What good is that? Well, after a year of savoring the memories and pondering the experience I realize that I may have gotten something useful out of the trip after all - some new outlooks on life.   Here are a few:1.        Prior to the trip I equated the best life I could lead with longevity. I now am far more concerned that, when my time comes, I can look back upon a life well spent, with a lot less regard for how many years it took me to achieve that good life. Now, how do you define a good life?2.        The trail magic experience gave me a new perspective on the value of my volunteer work (tutoring and serving on a board of directors for an adult education nonprofit). I realized that every time I received trail magic, the gift itself, while helpful, was not significant. What was significant was the message that came with it ¢ ¢We want you to succeed¢. A morale boost, a confidence boost, a feeling of connection with people I barely knew but who cared anyway. Because my hike was the first time I was on the receiving side of charity, I suddenly realized the huge value of the message I was sending to people I tutored and the organization that I help lead and support. It renewed my commitment to the work I was doing3.        The simple but brutal rules of the animal world. Encounters with animals that were stronger than me, could poison me, could out-stink me, could infect me, could hide from me, and that feared me reminded me that I was not invulnerable. I was not better than the animals, I was just one adaptation competing with them and coexisting. In fact, I think I became feral for a time. I know I SMELLED feral. I still am trying to understand if there is an important life lesson in this experience, but there is this deep sense that this is the world I was designed for, and that civilization, while valuable, requires letting go of some of our inherited desires and traits. I¢m just not sure this is always a good thing.4.        ¢When a man ventures from civilization to visit the wilderness he gets a greater appreciation of both¢. Not my quote, but how true!5.        My ability to deal with, express, and feel emotions multiplied. My whole life I have been a very rational person. But during the hike I experienced a sense of wonder about the natural world, closeness and bonding with fellow hikers (¢I never hugged so many guys in my life¢), and incredible gratitude to those who were helping me to complete the hike. I used expressions of awe and joy in my journal that were foreign to me and the people who knew me before the trip. Along these lines, the following ¢spiritual awakening¢ experience demonstrates the dramatic effects of the hike. 6.        Much has been said about hikers having a spiritual awakening during their thru hike. I did not find God on the trail, but there were a few times on the trail when I experienced moments of joy so intense that I wanted to thank¢¦.someone¢¦.. something¢¦. for providing this source of my happiness. This was the first time in my life that I had felt this way. I always wondered what was missing in me that I did not feel God¢s presence in my life. Perhaps this was it. I have difficulty ascribing emotional reactions to the presence of a deity, but it is a relief to have finally felt what others have.7.        As I have aged, my tendency to talk rather than listen has disturbed me. As an experiment, I made and effort to listen and not judge while on the trail. I met a lot of what I¢ll call Freaky People. Diverse ideas of how to live and love life. An especially common view is that corporate America is evil. I listened instead of argued, all the while thinking that the founding principle of capitalism is greed, harnessed for the public good. Many of these ¢freaky people¢, half my age, seemed a lot more intelligent, and well read than I. Life as a listener is a lot more interesting than as a talker, I have discovered, though I still have trouble keeping my yap shut.8.        My own ability to adapt ¢ I never really pictured myself as adaptable or a creative problem solver. However, on the trail these skills are necessary. Challenges arise ¢ gear breaks, you get lost, you encounter obstacles, you need an alternative to a latrine, deal with pains, deal with situations you¢ve never seen before. By myself or with others, we got through it all. 9.        My own toughness ¢ For the first 6 weeks of the trip, I dealt with incredible knee pain every single day. Only in retrospect did I realize in amazement that this never decreased my resolve to thru hike one iota. I was enjoying the trip far too much to want to quit just because of that. I was distraught, though, thinking that the problem might get worse and force me off the trail. It seems demented in hindsight. Later challenges tested me too ¢ filth, cold, heat, rain, exhaustion, tricky terrains. I realized this stoicism is a natural part of me that I never fully appreciated before, but now I see it as a valuable tool for succeeding in any task I take on.10.        Motivated to always have goals. I¢ll never forget Peach recounting the story of her conversation with Wingfoot, author of the definitive hiker¢s guidebook. He said you always have to have a Katahdin to reach. I think this is part of the ¢good life¢ mentioned in the first item of this list.   So I created a Katahdin when I got back ¢ I volunteered to chair a committee to hold an auction for the Learning Center. There have been many small Katahdins since, some abandoned and some kept.11.        I gained the ability to keep my cool. Since I returned, people have commented on how relaxed I am. I even amazed myself when an unreasonable person chewed me out for doing something they felt was wrong. She bothered me off and on for 5 hours, and is still angry with me 6 months later. I did what I could for this person, but never felt anger about the verbal attacks, or a need to defend myself. I simply do what I can and move on, with lessons learned if appropriate. Not the old Edge.12.        Appreciation of my own strengths and weaknesses ¢ I left my job because I was taken out of a job I loved to do something else. I had perceived my old job as a mission that I was uniquely qualified to do ¢ to bring strong engineering practices to a place that was deficient in it. The fact this mission was taken away from me and given to someone else was a blow to my ego. During the trail I was able to look at myself carefully enough to catalog my strengths and weaknesses and how they led to this situation. Then as the hike went on I saw how those same strengths and weaknesses contributed to or detracted from my success on the hike. I identified weaknesses I could live with, weaknesses that I want to improve, and strengths that should be considered when I choose my next field to excel in.13.        Life is too short to hold a grudge. This one is a little personal, so the story stays out of my journal. 14.        "You want me to what?" I have considered returning to the workforce, but the job will be on my terms ¢ Rewarding, enjoyable work in a dose I can live with. Life¢s to short to have a job you hate, or even just tolerate. America is still a land of opportunity if you are willing to become useful to society. A friend suggested I send his company my resume when I start looking for a job. When he mentioned he works 60-80 hours a week, I told him they wouldn¢t be seeing my resume.15.        Living without luxuries. In his book ¢Walden¢, Thoreau pondered over what was the minimum man needed to live. In my opinion he was over the top, but the hike made me feel that ¢average Americans¢ are over the top in the other extreme. After the deprivations of the hike, last winter I kept my house temperature in the 50s (wearing a warm hat on occasions), and never needed my AC this summer. Most people who know I did this find it ludicrous. I think about what it does for the environment, energy independence, and the need to go to war to acquire resources, as well as the impact on my wallet. After 6 months of weather extremes on the trail, and thinking about how most of the world cannot afford the level of comfort we demand, it was a fascinating experiment. The luxury I missed the most was running water. I thought it was going to be my Playstation, but it was running water.16.        The importance of water. There are times when, given the choice between a glass of water and an ounce of gold, you would choose the water. I¢ve been there. One of civilization¢s great achievements is the long distance transporting of fresh potable water. It gives you perspective on what is really important in life. If you don¢t have enough water, every other problem in your life becomes trivial.17.        Working harder to maintain friendships from the trail than I have ever done before. Took friends for granted in the past.18.        Understanding the need to balance solitude with social time ¢ for many hikers this is a balancing act that goes on with us constantly.19.        ¢Its not about the destination, it¢s about the journey¢ ¢ the slogan for Trail Days 2008. When I reached Katahdin, I was not filled with joy. I simply felt I had finished the job I¢d set out to do. I felt many moments of joy en route but reaching the end was not the emotional climax for me that it has been for most other hikers. This reminded me to enjoy the journey, not just anticipate the end point.20.        Do I overplan? Do I stick too closely to a plan? It seems like most hikers were far more spontaneous than I, and reacted well as situations arose, in fact some of the fun was the stuff you just ran into. Time to loosen up!