Date: 2003-04-11
From: Siler Bald Gap

To: Cold Spring Shelter
Miles today: 12.1
Weather: overcast clouds

start Siler Bald Shelterdestination Cold Spring Shelter There is snow everywhere and in places it is 6 to 8 inches deep.It is so beautiful and if I was not in such a bad mood,I know I would enjoy this more.I have a running dialog with the Lord about Anna." Lord,I do not understand why this happened.You could have very easily healed her foot,or better yet,you could have kept her from getting hurt."" My ways are not your ways""But she is devastated by this"" I know and I am hurting along with her" "I am hurting too Lord""I know that,you have told me several times already and I am hurting with you.My words says that I hurt when my children hurt."" I know and beleive Romans 8:28 Lord,but I am not very happy with the way you are working things out right now.""I do not expect you to understand what and why I am doing things this way.I just expect you to trust me and praise me"I am silent for a few moments as I think of these things." what is your heart's desire for Anna?"ith a gulp I say "Just like everyone else I meet on the trail,I want her to come to know you in a personal and intimate way.That she would realize the sacrifice you made for her on Calvary and how much you love her.And to be honest ,it is also my heart's desire to hike to Katahdin with her"" Trust me,I know the plans I have made for you ,and like any good father,I want what is best for you.I can see tomorrow,you can only see this moment."As usual the Lord has the last word.I begin to praise him,first that it was Mudbutt's foot and not her hands.Had it been her hands or fingers,she might not have ever played the cello again,or crafted violin strings from horse hair.It could have been so much worse.The Bible says if we delight ourselves in the Lord,he will give us the desires of our heart.But it will be if those desires are in his will.I had told my fellow hikers days ago that the Lord always answers my prayers.Sometimes it is yes and sometimes it is no,and sometims it is wait.I really love the yes answers.It is the nos and the waits that I have the problems with.Espescially the waits.At least with a no,I have an answer:But the waits,well that is my hardest one.I also know that the Lord knows all of my thoughts,so I am comfortable to voice my displeasure and unhappiness to him,knowing that he knows my humaness.I am free to express those feelings to him,because he is merciful and compassionate.He desires honesty in the inward parts. I hike along in the snow,crying and letting the gentle hand of my loving and heavenly Father comfort me.It is so very hard to trust him when we are disappointed.I think on several words of wisdom that I have memorized for tough times.one of them is" God held back what I thought was good for what he knew to be better."and another one is" Don't doubt in the dark,what God told you in the light."The day passes quickly,although I am pretty poor company for Pushing Up Daisies.I needed to be alone and work through this change of plans.I do not do the real woman dance,nor do I sing the chorus of James Brown's " I feel good."We each had our own part to that song and it is not the same.Nor do I have the chance to tell Mudbutt we are hiking to Maine.Bby the end of the day,I am comforted and once again I know my heavenly Father knows what is best.This shelter is also full and I pitch my tent on 2 inchs of clean crisp snow.Again,my feet are cold and wet and I waste no time with getting supper fixed.I have nothng left to fix a hot drink with but hot chocolate.I know i will pay for that later tonight.I hurriedly eat and climb into my tent.I wake up several times during the night to listen to the wind howling through the trees.I do not have to get up during the night and go outside.I am trying out a suggestion by several other women hikers to solve the problem of night time forages in the woods.This particular sugestion is just a wide mouth plastic jar with a lid.I am willing to carry the extra weight for the convenience of a inside bathroom.The first time it works just fine. the next time,I have to get halfway out of my tent to empty it before I an use it again.I told you I would pay for drinking the hot chocolate.The next time,I do not factor in that the jug needs to be level.I will leave it to your imagination what happens next.I am reminded of long forgotten childhood memories ,and am glad that I am heading into town tomorrow and there is a washer and dryer at the hostel.Going back to sleep is hard,but I finally do.total miles today 12.1