Date: 2015-09-05
To: AT Trailblazer Handbook?
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: overcast clouds

I haven't yet been to see the movie, A Walk in the Woods (going tomorrow), but I have read the book more than once, and I recall Bill Bryson as stating one reason many hikers quit soon after beginning as "it wasn't what they expected". I personally hiked the entire distance, but that was IN SPITE OF the fact that it wasn't quite what I expected, either. What I expected was pretty much what I found last August when I thru-hiked the Smokies: smooth, even, well-maintained and well-marked dirt pathways. In fact, much of the southern trail does follow that general example...at least what I remember of it now,(hopefully not through rose-colored glasses). Much of the rest of the Trail is another story. During the time I hiked with Trudge, when we encountered various obstacles to overcome OFTEN, of seemingly every type and combination, to add some humor to the situation instead of always griping about it (yes, I admit it, I griped about the trail too), we invented this scenario whereas the people who designed the Trail must have some sort of Trail - Blazers Handbook stating all sorts of grueling conditions it needed in each 20 mile stretch in order to qualify it as genuine AT "wilderness" Trail. Some of this is true, and some fiction, but it seems the fiction is very close to being the truth, which made it extremely funny. Later on, I shared the concept with Count & Lavender, while hiking with them, and they caught on right away. I always wanted to get it into my journal but never seemed to have time, and now I'm afraid I've forgotten lots of it, but I'll try to get at least the essence of it down, here...It goes something like this: Rule 1. The Trail must, in any given 20 mile section, either ascend or descend a minimum of 3000 feet, or a combination of a ascents and descents to do so. Rule 2. Never let the hiker become comfortable at all costs. If there is a stretch of easy, level trail for 10 miles, it must be followed immediately by 10 miles with one or more of the following: mud, rocks, roots, water crossings, poison ivy along both sides, swarms of mosquitos, brush that hasn't been cut back, tall grass that hasn't been cut back, sweat bees, fallen logs to pass over or under, and/or rotten bog bridges. Rule 3. Each section must include some sort of deprivation, or a combination thereof, which may include: lack of water source for over a dozen miles, lack of views, lack of shelters within an 18 mile stretch, with the next shelter accommodating only 6, lack of flat tent spots, or lack of stealth spots, lack of resupply town within 6 days walk, lack of decent grocery once having reached said town, lack of cell service to make hostel reservations, therefore ensuring no room upon arrival. Rule 4. Once north of a certain predetermined spot in Virginia, virtually ALL trail must contain rocks, choose from the following: pebbles, steps boulders, scrambles, ledges, balds, standing embedded, loose piles, round moss-covered, moss-covered submerged, knife-edged, slides, and/or streambed. Rule 5. If a former trail still exists near a rerouted one, the old trail will be smooth and even, and in full view of the new trail, which is difficult and rocky and first climbs a steep slope in order to make the descent even steeper. Rule 6. If there is a hill which must be crossed over, the AT will cross over at the very highest point, no matter if there is a nearby shoulder or saddle which would follow a shorter route. Rule 7. Add a few extras of any of the above especially if within earshot of a road or highway, in an attempt to "fool" the hiker that he or she is still in the wilderness. Rule 8. Leave parts of the Trail ill-marked or unmarked for stretches to keep the hiker guessing (if not panicked ) whether or not he or she is still on it, especially in sections of rock scrambles, at random road crossings or cross-trail intersections. Rule 9: if all else fails, do a rain dance or two to encourage multiple days of dampness to challenge the hikers' sanity. Rule 10: towards the north, double all the above requirements for at least 3/4 of each section.Welcome to the AT! Gotta love it.