Date: 2016-05-30
From: The Priest Shelter

To: Stealth Camp, mile 833
Miles today: 17.3
Weather: few clouds

"I discovered that if one looks a little closer at this beautiful world, there are always red ants underneath." - David Lynch"Go to the ant, thou sluggard; Consider her ways, and be wise." - Proverbs 6:6Day 80I began the day with the steepest descent in Virginia, a 3100-foot plunge over three miles. It was rocky and not easy, but I was better off than those climbing The Priest from the south. At the base, I crossed the Tye River suspension bridge and then reversed the process, climbing 3000 feet over six miles. Whoever said the AT in Virginia is flat has never hiked the AT in Virginia.Halfway up the mountain, I caught Gamel and the two of us got water and finished off my dried, salted Amish peas at the Harpers Creek Shelter. She is a very sweet, East Tennessee lady in her mid-60s who lost her husband to cancer not long ago. I told her I was proud of her for being out here doing what she's doing. Her face lit up and she said, "Thanks, Fob, you are the first person to tell me that!" It was a reminder to me that taking just a few seconds to recognize someone and show appreciation can really give them a lift. I have been on the receiving end of such kindness from family, friends, blog readers, etc., but need to make more of an effort to be a giver of such kindness. As I got ready to leave, a young, section hiking couple from Sterling, Virginia arrived to feed their infant, who was riding on her mom's back. Future AT thru-hiker there, I bet.Our long climb to the top was rewarded with a spectacular view from Hanging Rock Overlook. I met another young couple there on a weekend section hike. I agreed to take their picture but declined their offer of a beer. Speaking of beer, Gamel and several other hikers decided to get off the trail at Reeds Gap and go to a nearby brewery for dinner and to camp. I decided to press on, and ended the 17.3-mile day camping alone at mile 844.After a tortilla with hard salami and sharp cheddar cheese supper, I felt a pain and sharp rumbling in my stomach. I mostly blame the Amish and their dried peas for this. Nature was calling and I was the only hiker around to answer. I rarely have to do my business in the woods these days, as I can usually can wait to get to a privy, hostel, or trail town. There would be no waiting tonight. I grabbed my toilet paper and quickly travelled around some bushes and found a nice, secluded tree about 20 yards off the trail. I dropped my shorts and underwear down around my ankles and assumed the 90 degree position with my back up against the tree. With my recent weight loss, and trail legs firmly under me, I can stay in that position for as long as I need to...even overnight.About mid-movement, I just happened to glance down and, to my horror, noticed that my left foot was firmly planted in a nest of fire ants! They built their mound under the leaves I was standing on, and they had every intention of defending it. Faced with a contingency I had never considered or prepared for, I did what any other aspiring thru-hiker would do...I panicked! My first instinct was to hop directly toward their position, so I did. Then, as the lead fire ants set up a perimeter on my underwear, another platoon began scaling my left hiking sock toward my bare shin. I took a deep breath and dropped a bomb on their home base, striking the edge of their nest. The impact knocked several off their feet, and completely ruined the day of several others.As the first ants summited my left sock, I raised up that foot and started shaking it, and swung my left hand down to swat at them. I then did a second hop, positioning myself directly over enemy lines, as hundreds of ants emerged from the nest. Just as the first ant stuck his mandibles into my left shin, I carpet bombed them, complete with sound effects. This was Day 3 at Gettysburg, and they were General Pickett. Their scouts were firmly entrenched all over my underwear and shorts now, but the villagers were in a full sprint to avoid the heavy bombardment. Once again, I raised and shook my left foot, and swung my hand down to swat at their antfantry maneuvering through my leg hair.My counter-offensive continued for a solid minute...hop, drop, shake, and swat. Collectively, this technique is called doing The Fob. Put it to music, and you have a dance that could be every bit as popular as the hokey pokey. Sometime when you're alone (or with that special someone) give it a try...hop (with half turn), drop (simulate by bending knees and wiggling rump), then raise and shake a foot, and then swat your ankle or knee. I find it works best while listening to You Dropped a Bomb on Me by The Gap Band...or the American Idol classic, Pants on the Ground.Out of ordnance, I hopped away from the carnage, swat killed the remaining ants from my drawers, and then cleaned up. Although they inflicted a dozen bites on my left leg, I rendered their entire community uninhabitable. I suspect the survivors will move to Reeds Gap and start over again.Fob