Date: 2011-04-23
From: Silers Bald shelter

To: Mt Collins shelter
Miles today: 5.0
Weather: clear sky

Very noisy tarp (why do all the shelters in GSMNP have plastic tarps on the front of the shelters???) in high winds and rain on new steel roof made for little sleep - this is getting to be a pattern?. Up at 08:05, cooked breakfast and on Trail by 09:00, headed for Clingman's Dome (4.6mi but 1,200 elevation gain), the highest point on the AT. The day is still windy but very clear, few clouds in sight and views from the tower might be just perfect! Trails very muddy because of the continual rain recently, gnats pretty bad as well...I walked through some really wonderful forest areas on the shoulder of the summit. With alternating light and shadow, and with many downed large trees, it made for interesting photo's. I think I took about 25 photos in just a mile or so. It is so hard to capture the depth of shadows with a digital camera but I took a lot of photos, just hoping some of them would be good. Interestingly, I also took some photos of the muddy Trail, with water-filled footprints and oozing mud over rocks. For several days, I have been attempting to photograph swallow tailed butterflies. It is a wonderfully bright yellow with black chevron coloring on the trailing edges of it's wings. I attempted again today but it simply moved too frenetically to capture. I finally just stood still and watched it. As I stopped moving towards it, it flew toward me. It flew so close - 2"-3" - to my face that I actually heard it's wings brushing together as they flapped; amazing!! At .2mi from the summit of Clingman's, I took a photo of a wooden trail sign, then proceeded to take the wrong trail, (the AT Guide actually warns NOBO hikers not to make this mistake) going .5mi downhill (loss of 550' in elevation...)to the tower parking lot instead of the rest of the way to the SUMMIT of Clingman's Dome. That meant I now had to climb up the asphalt trail back to the summit along with all the tourists...At the Summit, I wanted to apologize to everyone near me for my odoriferous affront (if you haven't been close to a thru-hiker who is a week out from her last shower, you just don't understand how bad a person can smell) but only a couple of people seemed to back away from me... At the top of the tower, I asked someone to take a photo of me with specific mountains in the background, Cheoah Bald on which I had camped about 7 days before, and Standing Indian Mtn (in GA) where I had camped two weeks previous (and 37 mi away!). They were interested to hear the story.After I descended the tower, I started NOBO on the AT again, headed for the Mt Collins shelter, which is just short of Newfound Gap. I was experiencing more and more pain in my left knee, both on decline and incline. The pain had become severe enough that it very simply destroyed my WILL to continue on the Trail. I never realized that pain can be such an overwhelmingly debilitating element... The AT parallels the Clingman's Dome access road with just a narrow strip of trees separating them. I simply made the decision to cross that barrier (as much a psychological and emotional as a physical barrier...?) of trees to the road and hitchhike to Gatlinburg, abandoning my Journey. After at least 30 minutes of - crying and - unsuccessfully trying to get a ride, I decided that if none of the next five cars stopped, I would return to the Trail and just hike through the pain to the next shelter. Not one of them stopped and as I prepared to hitch up the suspension of my pack, the sixth car did pull over... It was a cream colored BMW convertible, driven by a National Park Service volunteer. During the 30 minute ride into town and a discussion about the real meaning of the AT, I experienced a change of heart and decided NOT to just give up on the Journey...I checked into the Grand Prix Motel (a wonderfully supportive business that offers AT hiker room rate, coffee and doughnuts in the morning, and the cheapest coin laundry in town), took a shower, got some food and picked up three maildrop boxes at the NOC Outpost. I was still afraid of having to deal with the knee pain but at least I thought I had experienced a renewal of commitment to the Journey (amazing how a long HOT shower will do that?) I will resupply tomorrow and with the help of my "real" knee brace (in the maildrop sent by my son) get back on the Trail and try to resurrect the WILL I had lost. Wish me luck.