Date: 2002-12-11
To: none
Miles today: 0.0

As I talk to people about hiking the Appalachian Trail, I realize that they ask a lot of questions, but none have asked me why I want to do this. Not even the two people who looked at me very sincerely and said, "You're crazy." They really meant it, too, but they know I am a harmless kind of crazy. I've thought for many hours about why I want to do this, before anyone even knew I was planning it. Now I am beginning to think about why no one asks me why. I think it has something to do with those who know me really well not needing to ask why. Those who don't may realize they could never understand it so they don't bother to ask. I'm not going to dwell on this too much, since I'm hiking my hike and my reasons for doing so are mine. I have supportive friends and family and co-workers, and that is all the reassurance I need that I am not totally nuts!To prepare for this trip, I've read a lot of books, articles, magazines, etc. and have learned there are an endless number of reasons for thru-hiking the AT. I have a plethora of reasons myself, but trying to figure out the one main reason wasn't that difficult. I want to know if I can do it. I want to know if I can physically and more importantly, mentally, do it. Hiking the AT is not something easily accomplished by great numbers of people. I want to know if I am one of the few who can do it. Period. All of my other reasons pail in comparison to this one. I also like the idea of being homeless and unemployed for 6 months! My dad will love that reason! I won't have any rent, utilities, bills, or debt for 6 months! I'm even going to sell my car. I want to know what that freedom feels like. I want to know what it feels like to carry my most valuable possessions on my back and have no others to worry about (except the spare tent, water filters, and shoes my sister may need to mail to me!) Some people hike the trail because they want to find themselves, become more spirtual, or because their life is in limbo and they want to use the 2,100 miles to make some decisions. All admirable and understandable goals. I've found for myself, however, that I am the opposite. I have put some life decisions on hold because I knew I wanted to do this for six years and didn't want to be tied to too many responsibilities while I am hiking. I want to own a home. I've wanted this for three or more years, but I can't pay a mortgage and hike the trail, so I've waited. I need a new car. I waited because who wants a car payment if they don't have to have one while they hike? I have avoided large purchases which would involve debt. I want to hike the trail, then move on with my life. I have a job to return to, I want to buy a house, and I'm getting a new car when I finish. I hope I don't experience that "lost" feeling some hikers do when they finish, but I do think going back to a structured, timed lifestyle will be difficult. I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on this later. I won't be doing any more backpacking until after Christmas, but I'll keep writing about my plans until then.I'm really going to miss my dog. I'm away from family and friends for long periods of time already, but he's with me every day. I think he knows already that something is up. My sister will take good care of him though. Hope he doesn't get too attached to her back yard with grass!Mary