Date: 2009-09-08
To: Over a year gone by.. (by Karen)
Miles today: 0.0

I know that most people would look into journals of hikers that are presently on a trail, but it'd been on my mind since we were still on the Appalachian Trail, that one day, (after I've given it time to sink in once I'm off it) I will write my thoughts of what the AT experience was for me, in reality..One of the main reasons why I've always wanted to do so is because during our hike last year, I ended up hating being there, and Lukasz was the one to update our journal entries... as I, gotta say, wasn't even really bothered, especially since you're so tight with time and you can't be sitting there writing how you truly feel, your pains, your worries, your true pleasures of being there... It was more like quick updates - to keep things on track, for whoever was following our journey. Lukasz and I were looking at the AT from totally different points of view, and mine never really came out through posting entries here.We had started hiking in mid-March, and left the trail just after our 100th day passed.. It was a sad day... and I have never seen Lukasz in such strong emotions as much as I did that night.. looking back on our long trip on the AT, from Georgia... and then being in NY.. laying on this motel's bed, knowing the following morning we were gonna be on a train taking us back home, and leaving trail-life behind.. All the flashbacks that keep coming back at you, the people you met, the targets you had set ahead of you, the simple but huge life-learning experience the AT has given us.. I had been pushing myself for weeks, but that day had to be the end of it; I could not take the pain any longer.. (finding out it was usual old plantar-fascitis I had, when I eventually visited the doctor back home)Even now that it's been over a year since that day, I still have so many mixed feelings about the AT. I started off with giving it a go simply for being an adventure-lover, and a sport-lover, despite the fact I had never before climbed one single mountain in all my life until our practice-hike in the Blue Hills. So I took off, and the only thing that made this possible for me was that Lukasz was gonna be with me all the way, cos otherwise it would have been one of those many other things in life that appeal to you but you never get around to do something about it.... It's hard to look back now and recall the whole experience in an actual order of time and events, but there are certain flashbacks that hit you at unexpected hours, and other ones that pop straight to my mind as soon as I think 'AT'.. and here are some of them..:Firstly it's the targets you set yourself into: give yourself say 5/6 months.. and believing you will MAKE IT ! The dreams entwined into the picture of me and Lukasz reaching Mt Katahdin one day.. and the emotions and pride that would set off.., not to mention how well-deserved it would have been for Lukasz' hard work with all the preparations such a feat requires before actually setting off.Am not sure if maybe at first the hike seemed kinda easy/pleasant for anyone who was reading thru our journal, as there's a very flowing way in which you can write about your experience and make it sound amusing, no matter how dreadful and desperate the reality might be - like the cold-weather nightmare in our first days/weeks, and waking up to frozen socks and shoes, and thinking I could lose my fingers as they were turning funny colours (let me remind you I'm from a Mediterranean island and not used to handling low temps that well).. And my eyes in the pic in the snow just after Hot Springs must indeed say a lot more than what we were writing on our journal...And by the way, you don't just dream of reaching Katahdin; you seriously dream about food pretty much all the time, as well as whether you really want to see a bear or not.Snakes (enough-said, it's one of my biggest phobias); regular thunderstorms when you're right on top of mountains (those honestly freaked me out), even though we were already towards end-June; walking drenched for hours (you probably don't really know what drenched really means unless you've done the trail); looking for a place to tent at the end of the day when you're drained, but it's all at a slope, and you have to keep on walking further and further, or maybe there was no water-source like it said on the book, or maybe you're hitting a road, and you gotta tent away from sight; missing simple communication with your loved ones away; record-number of mosquito-bites at one time, which really made me cry; boulders (honestly seemed ok at first, but it did get worse).And there's even worse than this: There's having to get back on the trail after a break in town (depressing); almost every other hiker of different age and shape going faster than you (unexplicably demoralising); people telling you it will get better and easier, and it's so NOT true (many bluffers out there going on about how easy-peasy the Shenandoahs are, and when you hit them you can't help but telling yourself you must then be nothing but a truly weak hiker and should just go home); and there's all these ups-and-downs and you're seeing right beneath you the town you're hitting next, but the next incline is actually taking you further away from it instead, just to make it a longer road... And there was our relationship.. Seriously considering whether I should just leave Lukasz to it and me getting off and flying back to Malta.. The worries on how this damned trail was effecting our relationship seeing us on totally different levels on it.. I was scared.On the cheery side...:Hikers, and amazing people I will never forget, like Bogey & Slim, Tina @ Blackburn's, Peanut (and your parents), and the Blueberry Patch folks. Trail-angels, thru whom I was blessed to experience the kindest and warmest of American hearts, especially Jodie & John Nelson of NC, the Grace Lutheran Church folks in Waynesboro (VA), the unforgettable Mennonite families in PA, the big-hearted doctor in Glasgow who saw to me without charging us anything (did such a great job).. and many others.What also makes me smile is thoughts of some amazing scenic views that would take you by surprise after you've just climbed a hill (and at least make it worth the effort); looking around you and seeing the beautiful, colourful flowers and the smell of being outside in the most unspoilt of nature; feeling the safety of being with Lukasz, and finding out about a new talent of his, which was taking really good pictures.. But the best part of the day was always when we stopped to pitch the tent and roll out those smelly sleeping-bags, and re-fill those hungry tummies... with a bonus like a kielbasa every now and then :D big smiles.. And of course can't forget mentioning what was probably the proudest part of our hike: The two of us ending up on a newspaper feature!   (posting picture)Shame really, that by the end of it I was hating being on the trail so much, that I didn't care about how nice the flowers looked, or how breath-taking a scenery could be from the top of the mountain - On the trail we had a target: you plan on the number of miles you're walking that day, and I just wanted each and every day to just be over. I walked and walked, and sang my brains crazy to keep my thoughts off, and looked down at the ground pretty much constantly during the last weeks of the trail (this explains uneven terrain) that I didn't see two of the bears Lukasz saw. I didn't really care that much anymore, to stop to eat, or even to pee unless I really had to - I just wanted to get this thing over. Shame really, and I'm still not sure if I was maybe looking at the whole thing this negative way through the pain I had in my feet. I know I kept on pushing and pushing further, mainly for my pride.. I am usually a little too hard on myself, and couldn't take the fact I was actually 'losing the battle' against hiking the Appalachian Trail - It was stronger than me, and I had to quit; and I found it very hard to look at the whole picture in a different way. I just feel like I simply didn't make it, but secretly do feel proud of what has been achieved.It's easy to read someone else's trail-journals and suggest pushing a little harder, when you're comfortably sitting at home surfing the net.My conclusion is that there are books out there which I had read before the trail; but maybe it was the wrong choice of books, cos they all talk about how hard it was but how inspiring it also was to eventually reach the end of the trail.. (exception for Bill Bryson).. But there must also be books out there that talk about how hard it was and how disappointing it also is to not fulfill your dream of getting to the finishing point; and that there's not really enough beautiful and variety of scenic views to make all your uphill-efforts worth-it. I believe in believing that you're gonna be successful at whatever you persevere in life, but I now know also how important it is to not be too hard on yourself whenever you do not succeed. I pushed on harder than what I should have, and I still cannot pursue sports like I used to, until the plantar heals properly; and anyone who loves sports enough can relate to how that must feel.I advise anyone to pursue his/her own dreams, as long as you are not too hard on yourself, and be proud of the fact you simply gave it a go. Do not be fooled by anyone who talks on how easy anything is in life, or on how cool they try to look for succeeding at it - we all see things from a different point of view. Life and nature can bring you the sweetest of happiness and experiences in many different forms - and hiking a long trail is only one of them!I thank everyone who had left comments on our journal, especially my family and friends I love so much, who know me so well, followed our trip, and supported us so much in this.... And I thank my husband Lukasz, for everything that you are to me xxx I love youCheck out our AT, wedding (May 2009) and honeymoon pics on:http://www.flickr.com/photos/lukasz-mikula/Karen