Date: 2015-06-08
From: My bed

To: Home
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: broken clouds

Digression time!I got a guestbook comment last night that basically made me think to myself, "Jeez, Red Panda, stop being such a bitch."Here's the thing, though: I am only human. I totally AM a judgemental bitch sometimes. I don't love everyone. I CAN'T love everyone. No one can. Sometimes, I endure very strong personality clashes with people I meet. I do try to be nice, and kind, and patient with everyone I meet on this journey. I give cheery "Hello!"s to people that I pass hiking. I am out here to meet people and gain perspective and most of all, to LEARN.But sometimes, I don't want to talk. I don't want to learn. I am kind of introverted. At the end of a long day of hiking, after many long days of hiking, I get SO GRUMPY. I am totally snotty and mean.Some days, I get to a shelter, see that there are people there, and think to myself, "DANG IT. I WANTED TO BE QUEEN OF THE SHELTER TONIGHT."That doesn't mean that I discount or would ever want to negatively interfere with anyone else's hike! Sometimes (often, really) I am just exhausted and HUNGRY, and my feet hurt and my toes are numb, and I just want to go to sleep. And it makes me s bit of a jerk. Not that it's an excuse... but I can't help it sometimes. I feel how I feel. I am not going to lie about it and make it sound like every aspect of the trail is wonderful and cheery when it isn't.At the same time, I have felt so bad and guilty about some things that I have written. I felt bad for complaining about Swamp Fox's pool float air mattress. At the same time, you have to realize that I am writing a story. In my head, I am laughing most of the time as I write. I don't take it very seriously. I complained about the noise, but I don't REALLY care that much. I complained about union suit guy, but mostly thought he was hilarious and awesome. If I wasn't so tired and grumpy at night, I would probably paint better pictures of people and places. It is really hard to ride the line between what is appropriate to post on this thing and what isn't. I write about real people. I try to be at least a little careful what I say.But I don't want to take it too seriously! I am out here to have fun, for the adventure!Please remember, this is Red Panda's story, MY story. It includes all of my prejudices, my idiot mistakes, my horrible choices. I look back all the time and say to myself, "What was I THINKING?".Also, you have to remember: I am telling a STORY. A true story, but still a story. It sounds way more dramatic in writing than it actually is. Sometimes I embellish a little, I admit. I overuse capital letters. It's for fun. I may be complaining about pool floaty air mattresses or the "narrator" in text, but in person, I am probably just sitting in my tent in the woods with a smile on my face, drinking in the fresh air.And another disclaimer: I am kind of young. I am an idiot. I am trying to learn. I promise.I am learning to let go. I am learning not to be so uptight. I am learning how to go with the flow, and take things as they come.I guess that I also should be more careful about my diction. I did call the Monteray Service Station "junky". Maybe that wasn't the right word. I didn't mean to imply anything negative. So let me at least clear that one up. It was old, and a little dusty. It was what it was: a little old store in a little town. It certainly wasn't pristine and wonderful. No Exxon. But, like I also said, the ladies that worked there on the two days and multiple times I stopped were SO NICE. They let me use their bathroom. They sold me ICE CREAM. They let me sit out front and charge my phone for an hour while I waited for the post office to open. They were amazing! They would have let us camp in their backyard, but Chris couldn't find a good place to hang his hammock.So maybe the physical store was a little junky. But who cares? That didn't matter. Jeez, I sleep in the woods six nights out of seven. I am gross and dirty and scummy. I MYSELF live in a state of junkiness 90% of the time. It's not how clean or new or pretty things are that matter on the trail. It is the people and the kindnesses that matter, that make the difference between a good day and a bad one, between a successful hike and a failure.So... I have been thinking about it. I am, as I said, only human. I am still KIND OF young (I am 26). My adventure is about growth. Thanks for putting me in my place. I need that sometimes (like when Chris told me to stop complaining about climbing mountains). I look back at that day and how stupid hunger-grumpy I was, and I really was such a jerk. I deserved to be told off.Also it is 4:30 a.m. right now and I am feeling kind of hungry again already, which makes me grumpy, which might be why I felt it necessary to divulge all of these thoughts.I will keep hiking my own hike, and keep loving the adventure. I will also keep judging all of the super weirdos out in the woods with me. I expect many of them to do the same. I am sure many of them have met me and been like... ugh that Red Panda girl is such a bitch. I AM TOTALLY OKAY WITH THAT. I am out here for ME. I am here to hike MY own hike, not to make friends with everyone I meet (although I have been meeting some awesome people lately).Trail friends, I am counting on you to keep putting me in my place if I need it. Am I being a jerk? Let me know. I want to be a good person. TEACH ME HOW.Now I am going to try to sleep. Or go eat some fruit salad or something that won't go right to my buttocks. And I will post this later. I am so sick of being hungry. Does everyone else on the trail feel like this?!7 a.m. update: I didn't have to get up to eat, I managed to fall back asleep. Now starving. On my way to have breakfast with dad, twin and Taiki. Then ERRANDS. Yayyyy!