Date: 2003-04-13
From: Nantahala Outdoor Center

To: Sassafras Gap Shelter
Miles today: 8.1
Weather: clear sky

start Nocdestination Sassafras Gap ShelterIt is a magnificent day to be on the trail.I have to send back most of my food box.I do not eat half of what I am sending myself.I guess my hiker appetite has not kicked in yet.I cannot find any of the other women hikers that I want to hike with.I am told they have gone on.I am sorely disappointed.I was going to get a ride to church this morning,but I thought we were all leaving this morning arond 11:00,so I do not call for a ride.Hikers say that when you leave NOC the fun stops and the real work begins.I beleive they are right.As pretty as the day is,I am in a sour mood.I take it personal that the other ladies have left me.I was so looking foward to being with them today.This is one of my flaws I want to leave on the trail.I realize that you must hike your own hike.The trail gets steeper and steeper.As great as the brocolli and cheese soup was late yesterday,it did nothing to give me any energy to climb this mountain.I was suppose to call Jerry before I left this morning but I didn't.I was afraid I would tell him to come get me. For the first time I entertain the notion of quitting. Mudbutt's absence seems to have taken a greater toll on me than I realized.I never did want to hike by myself.I call Mudbutt and start crying as soon as I hear her voice.Then I had disturbing news from home.One of my adult children is making what I think to be really dumb decisions.I can say that because I made those same decisions in my life Did I cause my mother this much grief with my dumb decisions?If I did then I guess I am just reaping what I have sown.I could not do anything if I was home.They have to learn the hard way,just like I did,but it breaks my heart to see my grandchildren being jerked around so. I struggle going up Grassy Gap,at times I am almost parallel to the trail.I have climbed 3050 feet in just under 3 miles.   I contemplate quitting this time more seriously.Ido not want to hike by myself,period.I have no energy and seem to be moving at a snail's pace.There is a place to get off the trail and view NOC.It seems so tiny from up here. I find that I cannot cry while I walk,and that makes it even worse.I know I need to cry,but I can't.I am angry at myself for letting things get me down.I am mad that I did not go to church this morning like I wanted to,but instead choose to do something else that did not work out for my best interest.There are things that I cannot do anything about,yet I still think that I am some how responsible for the way things turn out.I stop at a rock outcropping for lunch.I slather on loads of peanut butter.I take my time to eat and begin to feel better.I do not want to dwell on the negative,but rather look at the positive things in my life right now.It is not quite 4 when I reach Sassafras Gap Shelter.It is one of the nicer ones,complete with a door on the privy.Here is a thing to ponder.The last several shelters have had no privies.I asked a volunteer about that.His answer was because of the Americans with Disabilities Act,any public facility has to furnish a wheel chair accessible bathroom.This means you must be able to turn a wheelchair around in it.This includes privies. Now who is going to be in a wheelchair on a path that is never more than 18 inches wide better suited for a mountain goat than humans,30 miles from nowhere? Today some of the trail is better suited for mountain goats.It is rocky and dangerously narrow.Each step must be thought out ahead.These are the places I love to hike in.Some of the trail is nothing but rocks,with an occassional stream running across it.At times,it is a straight shot down the mountain. I get to the shelter to get water.There is no one staying at the shelter.For a few minutes I debate staying there.Pushing Up Daisis had encouraged me to go on to Cheoah Gap to the bald to spend the night.I foolishly let my head overule my feet.It is only another mile she says.She neglects to tell me it is a mile straight up.5062 feet in that mile.At times I think I am moving backwards I am going so slow. The veiw from the bald is worth the climb.I am rewarded with a spectacular sunset.I fix me a hot drink with no regards to what it will mean later when I am trying to go to sleep.Tonight I have the most beautiful dining room view.I can go to either side of the bald and watch as the towns below slowly come alive.It doesn't take long for my sour mood to be replaced by a grateful heart.Just to be out here,to be in the very heart of this universe that God created in 6 days.I find that I have carried the trials and troubles of home and of the situations I find myself in up here with me today.It is no wonder that the trail seemed so long and my pack seemed so heavy.I watch as the moon comes up.Bright and brilliant in the night sky.Joined by enough stars to grasp the attention of even the most skeptical person.I feel that some time this evening,someone somewhere was on their knees praying for me.Lifting me to my Father and asking him to help me through this tough time.I am gratefu!l for that because it worked.total miles 8.1