Date: 2006-07-02
From: Mile 1220.8 (tenting)

To: Lehigh Gap (tenting)
Miles today: 24.7

Weight loss programs have taken over the airwaves. We¢ve been inundated with infomercials for Pilates to Rubber Spheres to Boot Camp, and now Turbo Jam and Yoga Boogie Ballet. Each claim superiority over the other, each is offered as the golden solution to six-pack abs and a sexier looking you. Who do we thank for all this vitally important programming? Maybe its all Suzanne Somers fault with her Thigh Master? Every time I turn on the TV I run into a Total Gym or Bow Flex thirty-minute show. Of course the celebrities assure me the way only celebrities can that this is the real McCoy and dramatic results can be had for just 8 minutes a day. Recently one in an attempt to add science to the decision making process presented a chart that showed one hour of their Trampoline Thinga-ma-jig COULD burn off 1000 calories. Wow. Any of you ever bounce on a trampoline for five minutes before? Do you remember still feeling odd; sort of moving even though you weren¢t when you got off? And don¢t even try jumping up unless you want to scramble your brain. Well, what do you think staying on that contraption for an hour would do to you?Your brain would most likely drip out of your ears as a pureed gel. Mmm, might be good on toast. And aren¢t we all suspicious of those beautiful people who act in those TV shows. Did the Buns Buster help with her breast augmentation? Was that studly 41-year-old male a potato chip eating, sofa-sitting slug before? Want to know a secret? They all work, every one of them IF you get off your duff and exercise up a sweat. I¢m not talking droplets on your brow and upper lip. I¢m talking a dripping wet back, crouch, hair, socks, the works. Before I left for Georgia to start this journey, I was at the health club five to six days a week, where I was the only one who left it drenched in conditioning. These advertised devices are simply a distraction to keep you moving, keep you sweating. Amazingly, some people actually liked Sweatin¢ To The Oldies with Richard Simmons! (Which begs the question; Why does he still show up in those tiny trunks when they and he are so 1970¢s?) Aside from no stamina to exercise long enough to get a sweat up, most get bored quickly. I hopped on a scale the other day, 34 pounds lighter than when I was in Georgia! Five inches have disappeared from the belt holes. So, it got me thinking. I should share the news, build a program, hire a celebrity, and film a show. Notice I said, ¢program,¢ no one wants to ¢workout.¢ Of course my program is better, and you don¢t have to hopelessly balance yourself on some idiotic rubber sphere of flubber. (Those things are nuts). Oh, and you can eat during my program, anything you want. No meals by mail. Yea. And you won¢t have to hide any contraption under your bed or in that junk room every house has. And if you get bored easily, good news, the scenery always changes. Introducing The Appalachian Trail Turbo Boogie Yoga program. It¢s the greatest, most effective, fastest way to a new¢¦ I¢m sorry¢¦ I have to level with you¢¦ There isn¢t any new Turbo Boogie Yoga program. However, the potential for burning 5000 to 7000 calories a day is true enough, as well as the weight loss. You don¢t have to order any DVD ¢ no operators are standing by. Just grab you backpack and take a hike, a long hike, a thru-hike. And when you¢re through hiking the 2,174.6 miles, take a look in the mirror. It¢s no miracle, it¢s you, only better. ¢¦why its Turbo You.