Date: 2012-03-25
To: Prep Entry for my earlier 2011 hike
Miles today: 0.0

2011 Thru-Hike prep....   starting April 2011Am I nuts??? OK... maybe a little ...ok... maybe more than a little.Here I go again. Planning a 2,178 mile thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail in 2011. I've been in this position so many times now it just seems like any other day in my life. However, it is now 11 years since my first attempt and my mind and body have aged as well. My mind may have actually aged in reverse but there is no doubt my body has moved forward ...at least my waistline. My last attempt in 2009 was cut short by yet another family emergency ...now 3 of 4 attempts have ended in this manner and maybe someone is trying to tell me something, but my trailname is Ironman and perhaps it should be Iron "head" as my mind won't let me stop dreaming of being in the wilderness and the trail.As I wrote in my "2010 Thru-Hike prep" I had planned to hike the A.T. once again in 2010 but in December of 2009 my yearly physical showed some "numbers" that indicated I may have some medical emergencies of my own. I always had higher PSA (prostate) numbers than what doctors consider normal but in December those numbers rose steeper than any mountain on the A.T. It took me almost a month to see the urologist "highly" recommended by my primary care physician. By the time of my 1st appointment I was in great discomfort and getting worse by the day. In my mind as I sat there that morning in his office I was facing prostate cancer and a questionable future. Now if you've read my earlier journals you know I had a very close attachment to my mother especially in her final years. OK... believe me or not, but since my mother's passing I've experienced her presence on many occasions. There has been this particular "sign" that just appears out of no where that indicates her presence. It's not some "spiritual" sign but an actual physical item. I haven't told anyone what this item is as I want to keep it personal. My daughter told me she has had the same feelings that my mother is around her and has a very similar item, except twice the amount, as I have. I have not told my daughter what my "sign" is so she has no idea we have similar things appearing.So why the above confession? Well on that morning sitting in the urologist's office feeling like my life may be at it's end I lifted my head and there "it" was ...that sign. The way I felt I thought maybe it was just coincidence but over the years I came to know it meant things would be ok. However, this morning feeling the way I did I wasn't so sure.Well over the next month waiting for a biopsy and the results, my condition got worse. I kept remembering the "sign" from my mother but had my doubts. Then almost at the end of my rope I phoned the doctor asking for a "fast track" to surgery. He tried to give me hope but the way I was feeling I wasn't counting on it. I hung up the phone and once again remembered my mother's "sign" that all would be ok. It was then just 10 minutes later that the phone rang and it was my urologist saying those words "100% cancer free". I almost collapsed from mental exhaustion, and asked him "was he sure". The answer, yes!The problem might have been an infection (20%), or a number of other causes (80%) causing an "inflammation", but to be on the safe side he prescribed a potent anti-biotic with my blessing. With the anti-biotic and heavy doses of Ibuprofen my condition improved almost overnight. After 1 month of drugs my condition had improved to a point where I once again planned to hike the A.T. starting later in April. Then within 1 week of ending medication and within 5 days of starting my hike it happened. I awoke in the morning and the ceiling was going around in circles. It had happened again as it had 20 years earlier. I took a similar anti-biotic 20 years earlier and ended up with vertigo / dizziness for 6 months. This time it would last 3 months.Forty-eight hours before my arranged shuttle to the trail for my hike on the A.T. I had to call and cancel. The dizziness was so severe I even had some trouble driving which I avoided if at all possible. Dizziness of this magnitude isn't conducive to walking on narrow, rocky trails. Like 20 years earlier I ran the gamut of medical tests ultimately ending with an MRI to confirm no "brain" issues ...the only thing showing on my brain scan was a strange zig zagging line going from bottom left diagonally up to the top right. I had seen this before but where..... of course ...a map of the Appalachian Trail. Ok... so there was no strange line but there is definitely something deep in my brain that keeps me dreaming of the A.T. So here I sit, comfortably I might add (if you've had prostate problems you know what I mean), planning another attempt at the A.T. I certainly have questions about my determination to attempt it for a 5th time and think "this is it, now or never". Would never be so bad? Perhaps not, but until that bell stops ringing (read last page of 2008 journal) I must believe the "sign" from my mother is assuring me that all will be ok and as with her blessing in 2001 she is telling me to follow my "dream".Joe Kelly - AKA Ironman (scrap iron?)