Date: 2014-08-04
From: West Chairback Pond

To: Shaws
Miles today: 5.5
Weather: scattered clouds

Today was not what I expected. Woke up early to a clear sky. The sun hadn't even made it over the horizon. The pond so calm and peaceful. Was in a great mood ready for more adventure. So was Debbie who is now SAS (Slip and Slide)Left bright and early and began our ascent of Chairback. We've got a little rhythm where I go ahead at my own pace and wait for Debbie to arrive. Then we chat a minute and go again. Made it to Chairback and was greeted by a remarkable view. Not sure which way I was looking but could see miles of mountains. It was then that I got a little zen and emotional. I've had so much fun on the trail and seen so much I forgot a little what I was doing and where I was in the world. I needed to slow down and savor every moment. What a journey! And I became at peace with moving slower because now it gave me this remarkable opportunity to stop and smell the roses and contemplate what I had done. I've been so steeled and tough for so long because there was still so much to hike that I couldn't let my emotions get the best of me. But I was about to. Debbie came up to the top and dropped a bomb. "I think I need to go. I'm done." A rush of WHAT? In my head. One look at her and I knew she was serious. The three falls the two days before did more damage than we thought and I don't think the trail was what she expected. It's not the west with its wide open views and clean surface. It's rocks and roots and mud and sections of very technical climbs. Her legs were beat up and bruised. She decided that when she did the food drop she'd just ride back to Shaw's. Sad that she'd be doing all the tough stuff then leaving right when it got easy. I couldn't help think that part was my fault. I pushed her too hard, too soon I'm just so excited to finish and had expected to go so much faster. I finally stopped and asked. Here's where the emotions welled up. I think the thought of ending and what I was doing got the best of me and I started to cry. My hopes for the end, how I had imagined it, were just falling apart and all this honesty sort of gushed out. I said "this is a huge moment in my life and I just need to be selfish". She was very accepting of that and I apologized if I had pushed her. Then, and I tear up writing it, I choked out "I just want to be done. I'm so tired" almost in a whisper. I've admitted it before but not so raw. I want to slowly experience every last drop of this trail but yes, I'm ready for the next phase of my life to begin. We headed downhill and could hear lumber trucks driving by. Got to the road and she said she wanted off now. Her hip hurt too much. Time for a trail angel. We started hiking down the gravel road and voila! there comes a van with Quebec plates. He stopped and offered a ride to Greenville, the town north of Monson. What luck! A really nice guy who had just retired and hikes often. Really interesting. He's even driven to Costa Rica and bought land in Ecuador. When we get to Greenville he asks how far Monson is - only thirteen miles - and decided just to take us. Awesome!Were both so thankful and appreciative of the wonderful people along the way. BTW, the folks at Shaw's are pretty awesome too. So here we are back at Shaw's. Got a good shower, a little food, laundry and now ready for bed and a shuttle back out in the morning. Debbie will pick me up after I summit.