Date: 2010-08-10
From: Manchester Center, VT

To: Lost Pond Shelter
Miles today: 14.8
Weather: broken clouds

Another hard day, but with eventual satisfaction from a hard day's work.   Trying to help with some personal matters at home this morning was enough to trigger an avalanche of negative feelings that left me feeling incompetent. It began with me being upset about life going on everywhere while I'm lost and powerless in my trail life. It ended with me wanting SO badly to just quit and go home, fear of failure the only thing stopping me. If I didn't think that this failure would probably haunt me for the rest of my life, I think I would have started looking for buses and trains this morning. But I didn't. Because I think it would (haunt me, that is). I won't go into too great detail about my morning, but here are the basics: I was supposed to be in the truck headed to the post office around 8:20, and then on a shuttle to the trail around 9:30. Although I was up by 7, I couldn't get my act together in the least bit to make this plan happen, so I ended up getting on the 9:30 shuttle and just dropped at the P.O. After I mailed my stuff, I had another breakdown and sobbed helplessly on the phone with my saint of a mother, feeling like there wasn't a single decent option in the world. She was very patient, and helped remind/reconvince me that I would, indeed, be haunted by this forever if I gave up. I know that she is right. Mom, I don't know how exactly you are ALWAYS there for me, but I am so very grateful for it. At Mom's suggestion, I didn't try to go right to the trail. I pulled myself together slightly as I walked to the main drag, and then I went into a convenience store, grabbed a Diet Coke, and sat right in front of the store drinking it and reading Eat, Pray, Love. When the bottle was empty, I donned my pack and got set to hitch. At the very first half-hearted thumb I threw out while trying to decide on the best place to stand, a kind couple from Connecticut pulled right over. My day was already headed in a better direction.    It was after 11 when I finally started hiking. What did I do then? I had another meltdown after about a mile, of course. I pulled myself off the trail for this one, and it was the first of my several meltdowns of the last 24 hours that did not have spectators. With no one watching, I think I finally got it all out this time. After a bit more of my book, I finally picked myself up and hiked on. The day got better and better from there. I had a good talk with Nuthatch, met some more new people, enjoyed the view from Bromley Mountain, and lucked about some great trail magic (thanks, Katie!) I had decided to stop around 10 miles, but couldn't find a decent hammocking spot at the tenting area.   Realizing that I had enough daylight, I hauled it the last 4.2 miles to this shelter. I don't like to get in this late (7:30), but I'm so glad I did the extra miles! It's much more satisfying, and I now have this wonderful, peaceful shelter to myself on this rainy night.   My sincerest thanks go out to Braids, Mom, Cody, Nuthatch, and all of the others who were so supportive and got me through another trail rut. I'm definitely feeling stronger now.