Date: 2012-07-31
From: Madison Spring Hut

To: Stealth Camp
Miles today: 8.9

Ah, it¢s the end of the day and I am in such a state of mental stress. It¢s the last day of July and I am far from where I want or need to be in relation to my deadline and the miles left to cover. I am still days away from the Maine border. Partly I am facing the pressure of trying to figure out and cope with the difficulty of arranging times and distance hikes around all my remaining friends who wanted to come out for sections of the northern trail. I am so excited and happy to share this experience with them, have coaxed, and bribed them into coming out, but find now that time is limited that I am balancing the pleasure of their company while under pressure to do big miles. That and I have no cell signal to contact people and arrange everything.   Stress! Okay, time to calm it down. The point of visitors is to share the joy of the trail. I¢ll probably have to cancel some of the visits and know that my friends will understand. I think this is ultimately one of the realizations and changes that take shape during a thruhike. It is an enjoyable endeavor overall, but because of the length of time and redundancy of the days, at some point, hiking is your job and you wake up some mornings not really wanting to go through the routine of work again. Interludes that remind you of how precious this opportunity is and the distraction of companions (especially close friends you adore!)are vital for your mental health in these final stages. But in the process of calculating miles and reaching that point in the hike where part of you is ready to be done, you stop appreciating the trail in the same way you thought you would or did in the beginning. Or perhaps this is all just my own experience, confounded by the artificial deadline imposed by this ¢real life¢ stuff like grad school. Sheesh, balancing all the things you want in life is never going to get easier. But let¢s start back at the beginning of the day shall we.I was up before the sun today and on the trail just as the sky was getting light. The climb up Madison is steep! And rocky. PA style jaggedness with large boulders thrown in. But with added twists that only the Whites can provide. Did I mention the view? Amazing to be so high up and to watch the sun rising ahead of you as you climb in the shadow of steep rocks. The boulders were large and rough, a distinct Whites rawness that comes with the extreme exposure to some crazy weather. Their surface has little moon like craters caused, I think, by the constant freeze thaw and rain. Almost volcanic except it¢s really not new stone, just the tireless wearing down of old old rocks. They formed such amazing sculptural shapes and stacked on top of each other with no smaller rocks to fill in or vegetation to hide it you could stand looking down and see for many feet the pile of large rocks and all the open spaces below you. Almost like cave exploring is I was a tenth of my size. I cannot blame all my slow progress on the difficulty of the trail because this morning I really took my time to enjoy everything, stopping for pictures often and taking breaks just to bask in the scenery. It felt good to be working hard early in the morning and the views were rewarding. The sky was clear today and the surrounding valleys for miles were socked in with low clouds so that it looked like a sea of white filling in rocky ocean cliffs were below. And as the sun climbed and changed the temperature, the clouds behaved just like the changing tides. They were starting to recede and because I was so high up, I got front row seats to the morning transition. As the last summit in the presidential, Madison has 360 views of the previous day and the future northern and western trails that I would cover in the coming days. The grandness and the absolutely enormous size of these mountains is incredible when you think about it. But every mountain has that top most point and usually it¢s just large enough for one person to sit on, quite literally feeling as if you are on top of the world. The climb down Madison was punishing. It took me 4 12 hours to go 3 miles and my knees were shot before it was even noon. But still great views the entire way to remind me always that the trade offs are worth it.   And then finally I reach the bottom and with a great sense of direction after having such great bird eyes views I completely expect the trail to turn north. But nope, looks like we¢ll just go ahead and ignore that the next 3 days cover wildcat ridge, a lovely out of the way, unnecessary for forward progress loop around back to were I¢d been. Ha, okay so I don¢t carry maps and my trail guide makes everything appear linear and so as I¢m walking along, no in the tress again, down in the valley, I start to realize, ¢hey wait a minute, why am I walking toward Mt. Washington again?¢ har har, oh AT how you love to tease. Off we go then right back where I was yesterday, could have taken a lovely hour long stroll down the road and been here without doing the extra days loop. Sigh. Remember the views, remember the views, remember the views. Well part of my brain was intent on focusing on the negative as I hiked my way back south into the shadow of the mountain. The other parts enjoyed the more wood like trail and the large flowing creeks we passed over. Also a bridge, a bouncy hanging bridge. Okay maybe toy like, toddler like glee equivalent to a moon bounce experience there. I may have bounced my way back and forth a few times. And continued on. At some point during a bathroom brake I realized that at some point, for the first time the whole hike, one of the bungee straps I use to tie on my camp shoes had come undone and somewhere in the last 6 miles they were laying there on the ground. And there was no way I was going back for them. But I was upset, and cursing at myself, and generally put into a more foul mood.   Until I met an interesting hiker and her friend around this time. She thru hiked last year and was out exploring a little. We talked a good twenty minutes sharing stories and I could see in her eyes and hear in her voice that the bug remains.   All the wistfulness in her actually scared me a little because it made me think if I was creating the same thing in myself. Will I always long to be back on the trail? Is there going to be an empty space in my life after this? Those answers are a ways off yet, but it certainly was the wake up I needed to stop moping and reorient myself (for the millionth time) back to actively concentrating on appreciating my time on the trail and making the most of it. Sometimes I feel like I¢m developing a bipolar personality that seesaws back and forth all day long. Or else am so emotionally deranged these days that circumstance makes everything either wonderful or dreadful. Whatever, that¢s enough melodrama for the day.With all that, and the knowledge that I have too many miles between here and the hostel to do in two days but I really don¢t want to take three, when I got to the AMC visitor center, I decided I was going to take a break. I did some resupply shopping and treated myself to more delicious fresh food. While small, I do suggest this as a resupply stop mostly because they seem to know what things are really needed, especially for thruhikers. I managed to find a bunch of gear I needed to replace that I had been unable to find in the larger shops up until now. My big transition was from Deet to the badger balm natural lemon bug deterrent. I¢ve stopped using deet, tired of worrying about it destroying all the silnylon I own and having to worry about its effect on my health. So sort of a long delay here to rest weary bones and take care of business. Partly I was desperately hoping that Dos (who was behind me) might stumble across my shoes and pick them up and maybe just maybe we¢d be reunited. But we have different paces and She may decide to hike fewer miles today. I was trying not to hope too much since I didn¢t want to be disappointed. So I took time to recharge my phone and use the internet to update my journal some and contact everyone I hadn¢t been able to in the last week.   And then YAY! There was Dos and she had found my shoes and picked them up! I am so so grateful to her! As much as we all talk about weight, I have to say it is one of the greatest gifts and wonderfully special community aspects of trail life for another hiker to carry any extra weight for you on the off chance they might bump into you. Thank you! Tonight I am stealthing it just past the no camp zone and before the oh my gosh much dreaded and hyped up steep climb onto wildcat ridge tomorrow. Quite literally I am sleeping at the base of the mountain, or in this case near vertical cliff face. A good idea since I don¢t know what the terrain will be like in the next few miles and don¢t want to be caught up there if a storm roles in. There is a lot of evidence of previous stealth camps in the area so I¢m not the first, but my hammock leaves less of an imprint since I don¢t squash down all the undergrowth. While I had internet at the visitor center, I still have no cell signal and am hoping for it tomorrow. I am doing okay pohysically, still all the minor aches and pains that are near constant these days and my nightly routine includes feet and knee massages. But I have eaten very well in the past few days and can certainly feel the difference in how strong and rejuvenated I feel. It makes me aware that the toll of the day to day on my body is going to continue to be a factor once I¢m back to carrying all my calories on my back. Amazing what the body can adapt to, but also there¢s a lot of evidence that I¢m doing some damage too. Highlights of the day: watching the sunrise and the clouds in the valleys.