Date: 2015-08-09
From: Bald Pate Lean-to

To: Hall Mountain Lean-to
Miles today: 14.0

It's okay to be different, right? There's nothing wrong with being a little quirky, to being a bit strange compared to most other people?Because sometimes I think I am quite insane.Sometimes I feel very weird. Very strange. And it's not just because I am out in the middle of the woods half the time, existing in a sweaty, smelly state.Lately I feel very off. Mostly in the mornings, when I start hiking. I don't know if it's homesickness, or if the breakfast calories haven't quite kicked in yet. But it takes me a little while to get back into my groove and settle into my hike in the mornings. It probably doesn't help that I keep taking zeros and neros. All this laziness throws me off, too!Today, I stopped early. I was going to continue to the next campsite so that I could start my nero even earlier tomorrow. But then it started raining. I figured, NOPE, NOT GONNA HIKE IN THE RAIN.Rain hasn't stopped me before. Heck, I've hiked through thunderstorms (yes, I know... I admit that I occasionally make bad choices...). But I was only FOUR miles away from the road crossing that would take me into. Andover for my mail drop nero tomorrow. Continuing another mile and a half today wouldn't really make a difference. Either way, it would still be a super short day tomorrow.So, upon my arrival I climbed up to the viewpoint behind Hall Mountain Lean-to, where I could get enough phone service to call home and assure the pizza fairy that I hadn't perished (he keeps reading the Aussie Legs' blog, which makes him worry TOO MUCH). Then, I headed to the horrendous water source (pretty stagnant and kind of gross... I found the best spot and only collected a single liter). And it started to sprinkle. So I decided to stay.I cleaned up and changed my clothes early. I cooked and ate dinner early. I slung my headlamp around my neck hours and hours before dark. I hung up my pack and crawled into my sleeping bag at a RIDICULOUS time.It's like I don't know what to do with myself if I'm not hiking anymore.In some ways, it is kind of nice. I had time to do other things. I wrote some lists. I read my book. I sat and felt the breeze and listened to the birds twitter and admired the wilderness around me. I should have written letters but I always forget letters. Every time I plan a nero, I think, "I'll have so much free time! I can send letters to everyone!" But I never have time. Sorry.Stopping early is good. At the same time, it's a little sad. My life has become a hike. It's not all I know how to do, but once I stop, I feel lost. I eat all of my snacks to release that anxious impatience. I get frustrated, thinking of the miles I could be making, the mountains I could be climbing.I have been so tired lately, though, it is probably a good thing that I can get some extra rest. Climbing mountains is exhausting.I am all alone tonight. At least, so far. This is also good and bad. I may not have to wear ear plugs tonight. I can go to sleep early so I can get up early and head out for my nero.I keep expecting another hiker to arrive. I hear a drop of water on the tin roof - is that a trekking pole hitting a rock? I hear a bird twittering - is that someone whistling a tune? I hear a squirrel racing up a tree - is that someone brushing their way through the woods?But no one else has come.Should I be scared to be alone in the woods? Sometimes it seems like it. There are probably plenty of bears out here. I saw bear scat a few times today (NO MOOSE, THOUGH).But I'm not. I just hope the mice don't chew a hole in Gertrude, or my food bag.It is so nice to be alone. I am so homesick lately, but I know that if I were home, I would be overwhelmed by a million tasks. Out here, I can just sit. I can read. I don't have to do anything, really, but I can do anything I want.I feel weird. But I guess I just am who I am. A gluttonous girl gorging on goodies, making memories of moving up mountains (and sliding back down them on my butt).I keep forgetting to mention that my mom bought me a charm (or pendant, maybe?) when we were in Lincoln. It is in the shape of a key, with a mountain and the word "inspire" etched into it. I have hung it on my necklace with my other charm. They jangle like dog tags as I hike, reminding me of her.I hope that someday I may inspire some people! Trail Mentor Alexa inspired me, and maybe I'll do the same for someone else! I never would have had this crazy dream without hearing her stories, and without her encouragement I never would have found the courage to attempt the journey (thanks again, best trail mentor ever!).IF YOU EVER GET THE CHANCE, TAKE IT. Even though the mountains make me kind of grumpy and angry and injured, they are amazing and I wouldn't hesitate a second in recommending them. It is awesome out here. Even the mediocre places are still incredible. It's all relative.I love when you guys tell me about your hikes. I can't imagine having had the goal of thru-hiking when I was 11 years old. That is freaking awesome (All I can say is, do it! Do it!).So... more of Maine today. It wasn't too rough of a day, after the first few miles. A couple of steep climbs. The last of Bald Pate was rough. So much steep ledge at the top. My calves burned with the effort of keeping my center of balance steady. Ladders on the trail were helpful, but I still felt like I was going to die trying to figure out how to get TO the ladder in the first place.The afternoon was a long, gentle climb. Lots of mud. The mountains weren't that pretty today. The only view, from the summit of Bald Pate, was obscured by morning fog. It was still beautiful, but once back below the alpine zone, the forest became mediocre. The weather was overcast for most of the day.I passed Hands early, recognizing him walking down the trail towards me. I greeted him with a smile and a, "Hey! Look who it is!"I was glad that the encounter was not awkward. He looked good, and we talked for a while, like friends - but nothing more. I was relieved. And of course I was glad to see that he has been doing well, enjoying the trail and the hike.I had a very large lunch with a long break at Surplus Pond. I love when timing works out and there is actually a beautiful place to stop. There was a ramshackle old cabin nearby that I wanted to investigate closer, but it looked highly unsafe and I didn't want to get tetanus.Anyway, Maine... Maine resonates a lot within me. The first time I visited Acadia National Park was with Jim. Actually, the first time I ever heard of Katahdin was from Jim. It's kind of funny that the beginnings of my journey started with him... my love for Acadia led me to my internship there, where I met Alexa. And the name of Katahdin made me curious after I had heard it from him.The funny part is that Jim would have HATED hiking the trail. He was good about camping with me over the years but I don't think he ever really enjoyed it.I guess one good thing about losing him was that it set me free to hike the AT.I don't really know what else to say tonight. I hiked today. I stopped early. My heart feels stranger every day as I travel north. I try not to worry about the future after Katahdin. Worrying about getting TO Katahdin and how and when to summit, along with concerns over getting to Alexa's wedding, are already enough.Tomorrow will be a nero of research and planning. Figuring things out a little will make me feel better.The Australians had lunch in this shelter, and left a note for me in the register to catch up. I am sad that my nero will put me behind them again. At least there is still time. Still 250.9 miles to Katahdin.Time to read my book and retire early.I am thankful that the journey isn't over yet. I am thankful for peace and quiet and alone time that isn't hiking time. I am thankful for the plants and animals that surround me and inspire me. I am thankful I still have time for more reading and nature-watching and can STILL go to bed early like the little old lady I am fast becoming.