Date: 2016-04-24
From: Campsite Near Crawfish Trailhead

To: Chestnut Knob Shelter
Miles today: 17.5
Weather: clear sky

I'm slowly falling back into the routine of putting up mileage. It was discouraging at first to feel like I wasn't doing what I was able to do only a week prior. But in all reality, I'm doing the same mileage now that I've been working at it for the past week. Mentally though, there is still a block. My suspicion is my one big mile day threw me off. I'm just going to backtrack here for a second...The day I came into Damascus, I walked 42 miles from Watauga Lake Shelter to town. Yes 42 miles all in the same day. It took nearly everything I had, but it was done. Why? My food supply was nearly exhausted, my phone had been dead 3 days so I couldn't talk to anyone on the "outside" and I pretty much just wanted to see how far I could push it. This was the longest I had ever hiked and it definitely got a rise out of my little hiking community. I felt accomplished and was content with getting off the trail to go to Turtle Island. If I had not done that big mile day, I know that getting on trail would've been much easier for me. If I had walked 20 miles into Damascus, walking under 10 out of it wouldn't have been so bad. This has been a small part of my struggle. As I mentioned in the last entry, I'm coming into some serious homesickness, coupled with a realization of the task at hand. It's not that I didn't realize what this hike would entail, I just believe that I had convinced myself to not to get wrapped up in the details because it was so overwhelming. I've simplified this entire trail as just walking, not stopping and walking more. As I wandered the trail today, I began to drift back to this fall when I was challenged by my own perception of success.Last September I was out with my friends at Richmond pond. As they fished the waters, I went for a swim. I swam across the entire pond, a mile, maybe more, through open water. It was farther than I had ever swam before, and it was definitely not one of my wisest decisions. The water was incredibly deep, more like a lake than a pond. But for some reason I needed to overcome this challenge. I suspect that I needed to accomplish a task that everyone said was too much, too far and a little crazy. Catch where I'm going with this?But it wasn't as simple as just swimming across. The first half was easy. I just swam. My friends became farther and farther out of sight. The mountains that surrounded us came into sight as I reached the middle of the waters. The leaves were beginning to change into their autumn colors and the sun was still strong. Everything was perfect. I was high on adrenaline and on the idea of doing something I had never done before. But then, reality hit me. Once I realized I was actually fully immersed in this feat, I panicked. My heart began racing, I told myself I was going to drown, I pictured the 40' of dark water below me and chastised myself for my arrogance and stupidity. All of these vivid images flooded my mind and I froze up. Now what happened next sounds cheesy and over the top, but I swear to you that it happened. A bald eagle flew right over the top of me. I was so shocked to get such a close look at this massive raptor, that it pulled my mind out of the abyss. I kind of chuckled to myself about how perfect the moment was. So I swam on, and I made it. I guess you can say right now I'm looking for another bald eagle; a symbol that I'm going to make it. It took more than a symbol to get me through my swim, but it helped me to reevaluate my situation. If I had not stopped to collect my feelings and take charge of what was happening, I probably wouldn't be around to share the story with you. It's an incredibly morbid thought, but that's the reality of it. My hike isn't life or death, but rather finish or quit. And just like my swim, it's up to me to make sure I see the other side. Right now all I can do is just keep swimming, just keep swimming.