Date: 2003-10-17
To: Transition
Miles today: 0.0

I have been thinking of all these things to write about and haven't been able to put them on paper or even type them, perhaps because no one except me would be reading them. So I am here at the public library writing another entry hoping people will notice the update and continue to read. Soon enough I will have more pictures online, too, so check back for those in about two weeks. The transition back to real life was more difficult than I had thought it would be. Do I hear an "I told you so" from Sweet Ass? I spent some time at home in KY and visiting friends in TN before I drove back to Tucson. I wasn't working, had no real timetable to follow, had my very own brand new car to transport myself, and I had money. So why did I feel so anxious and stressed in this environment that had been so comfortable to me in the past? I figured it out while driving across country with my dog back to Tucson. Once I got off the trail, people expected things from me. They placed demands on me that I hadn't experienced in over 5 months. While I was on the trail, all anybody expected me to do was hike. I suppose they expected phone calls or emails once in a while and they expected journal updates, but these are minor compared to what they expect when you are back in society near modern convienences like showers, cars, clocks, computers, houses, stores, etc. Everyone wants to see you when you finish. They want to see how much weight you lost, how much your hair grew, how much you can eat, and they just want to put their arms around you and feel your realness and congratulate you on your accomplishment. It was overwhelming. I felt I always had to be somewhere seeing someone or be on the phone calling someone or emailing someone to let them know I am back in civilization. I wanted to see family and friends and talk to them and answer their questions and eat with them, but the arrangement of all these meetings and the scheduling and the driving were so time consuming I felt I had no time for anything else! I never expected that. It is normal that people expect things from me now. I just needed time to get used to it.When I arrived back in Tucson (the journey here is another entry all its own!) the expectations were even greater. I was going back to work in three weeks, wanted to see friends and catch up, wanted to visit restaurants I had missed and go downtown to listen to live music. On top of all that, I had to get a PO Box, register my car, pay my bills, take care of my dog, wash my sleeping bag (WOW, that was an experience after having it in a stuff sack for a month!), get my stuff out of storage, find some clothes to wear since most of mine are too big, go through my gear, give everyone my phone number, HOLY COW! I was in a panic my second day back here. I felt as though I had to do everything in one day. But, I went to Starbucks, got a grande, nonfat, white chocolate mocha and all was right with the world, at least for a little while. I have settled in to my friend's house. She has moved to Colorado and she needed a house sitter until they sell their house here, so I am living rent free in a super nice ranch house on eight acres just outside of Tucson. This saved me from having to dish out mega bucks on my return to Tucson and I didn't have to move much out of storage. They left their furniture and big screen TV. Whooopeee! I am very grateful for the opportunity to stay there and it made my transition back to real life much easier. I have lost that feeling of anxiety and no longer feel I have to accomplish so much in a day. I go back to work Mon. and am very excited about it. I realized last week that I love my job, or most aspects of at least. I have visited work a few times and am truly glad to still have my job. More to come, including stories about Oscar.