Date: 2012-06-23
From: Murray Property

To: Wawayanda Shelter
Miles today: 18.6
Weather: few clouds

I slept long if fitfully last night and had no great inspiration to get out early this morning so I found myself sitting on the front porch of the Murray cabin, cooking a breakfast of cream of wheat with cranberries and hot tea. last night the fireflies took over the valley lighting up in the fields and trees. It was wonderful to watch. And this must be the one place in all of New Jersey that doesn't have mosquitos. Taking this time to slowly enjoy the morning is something I don't do often enough. I had a real treat when i was just about done packing up and a mother deer and her two babies came out of a grove of trees. They were right next to a fenced area with two donkeys and the baby deer kept running up to the fence and nosing the donkeys before playfully leaping back and around. so cute! But the rest of the day was much less fun. After about 3 miles in I felt like I'd already hiked 18 and felt the lowest of lows. I was tired of walking. Deep down I knew I didn't want to quit but I also didn't want to take one more step today. no more hiking please. let me be anywhere but here. I'm not sure exactly why I felt this way. maybe a combination of things like the long high milage days, the heat, the pain in my feet, the boredom of seeing the same views everyday and not having new thoughts to think, the stress of calculating my needed average miles to meet my deadline. It all hit me in a moment and i took off m pack and sat dow in this field. Done. Mentally exhausted, physically beaten up, wanting to quit, I did what most kids do and called my dad. He said all the right things, distracted me, and gave me a new goal. Hike until the 4th of July. doesn't matter what miles you do, but hike until then. we spent a lot of time looking at hotels nearby for a cheap option to maybe take a zero but mostly it was good to just listen to him fight with the computer as it distracted me from any kind of wallowing. An hour later and while i didn't spring up and resume the hike, I felt better, had my new goal, was released from the pressure of the high miles, and was able to carry on.But still there were 15 miles to go. The talk with dad helped me reset but it was a mile later when I hit the wall kill reserve that I was revived. This beautiful acres large marsh of bright greens and water so blue with the reflection of the sky shining back. It was so startling, wonderfully beautiful and reminded me how much left there is to see on the trail, that there are so many unique wonderful hidden treasures. If I had quit just a mile before I would never have seen this. We walked around the reserve with constant views the entire way for miles. I even got to see a herd of deer out in the center where it looked like they were walking on water but it was just so shallow. Saw contests herrings and a bald eagle. A magical place. My mood was swinging hi and later that day there were miles of boardwalk which were just plain fun. Honestly though even with al these great new things to look at and experience, today was still just tolerable. And every step took mental strength to make and did more to bring me down physically. If it wasn't such a beautiful day full of interesting things, I'm not sure if I would have made it. By the end of the day, I decided that I need to stop worrying about the miles and just hike what feels good. I don't want to have another day like today. I'd rather spend the next two months enjoying myself and glorying in moments like the wall kill reserve than complete the entire trail. If it plays out that I run out of time, I'll end up skipping up the trail some.   But at least I'll have wonderful memories of what I have done. Hoping for better days in the future.