Date: 2015-12-11
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Miles today: 0.0

Red Panda has been feeling a little lost lately.Not lost like that time in muddy Vermont. Not blazeless, woods-wandering lost. Just life-lost. It's not an unfamiliar feeling. I've been here before.How do you people do adulthood? Did I miss some vital piece of information? Some tactic to making the transition into stability?Not that I want to be an adult, per se, but there are aspects of a typical adult life I would like to explore at this time. Like getting a job. That would be FANTASTIC. I do love adventuring, but it's not that cheap. And I really, really think that I would like to retire someday.But how the heck am I supposed to know what I want to do?! How am I supposed to know what's right for me when I don't even know what's out there? I've been struggling with this a bit. I went to college, of course, but that didn't really help me figure out what I want to do. The trail helped a little, but THERE HAS BEEN NO EPIPHANY.I am amazingly lucky, as always, to have help figuring out this puzzle. Somehow, up until now, things have just kind of fallen into place. My fingers are crossed in the hopes that I'll find that next adventure before too long. In the meantime, I am trying also to enjoy home and family and free time. I get kind of antsy, though. Antsy Panda is all over the place lately. It's amazing how small things can bring back memories, slamming into you like a tsunami, tumbling you head-over-heels into nostalgia. Sometimes I think returning home makes me regress back into my younger self. It doesn't help that I am surrounded by toys and childhood relics (at least, the ones I was too sentimental to trash or donate during my posessions-purge). Especially since it's December, and the stockings are hung and my awesome new hiker Christmas ornament dangles from the tree.It does sound kind of fun, but is also a bit depressing. My partners in mischief are GONE. Dumped (amicably) by Jim, abandoned by my twin (ok, not abandoned, but left behind), home is strange now. Most of my friends are gone. Everyone has grown up and become responsible.BUT NOT DANIELLE. SHE IS THE UPSTAIRS GREMLIN, EATING ALL OF THE PIZZA FAIRY'S SECRET CANDY STASH IN THE GARAGE.Just kidding. I have my own secret stash to eat Anyway, I don't know what I'm doing. Searching for any job that won't make me miserable so I can buy Christmas gifts. I need something to do! I NEED ACTION!I wish I had the diligence to sit down and write more. I am so easily distracted lately. LIFE IS SO BUSY. I do miss the simplicity of living in the woods. Oh, hobo life, you were so amazing...And what does my complete, idiotic lack of direction have to do with the AT?If the trail taught me one thing, it's that magic, in a bizarre and amazing way, does exist. It will all work out, somehow. I'll be sure to let you know when it does. Even if the next adventure ends up being some catastrophe, it will still be an adventure! I AM READY.Bring it on! PLEASE!I am thankful to my mom for feeding me and letting me clutter up her house, and to the pizza fairy for his sage advice (and for the AWESOME new hiker Christmas ornament he gave me). I'm thankful for a new beginning working its way into being. I'm thankful for my health and freedom and life of opportunity.