Date: 2005-10-07
From: Hanover,NH Post Trail 150 Yards from it.

To: Confessions of a Thru-Hiker
Miles today: 1476.0

Confessions of a THRU-HIKERYou know, when I started this trail, I didnt even know what shape the "BLAZE" was? Really! I did not know how to say "Katahdin" and still cannot spell it correctly all the time.Yes, I read A WALK IN THE WOODS but it was NOT my inspiration. No, that distinction goes to A SEASON ON THE APPALACHIAN TRAIL which I picked up when I randomly picked Amicalola Falls Lodge as a place to go when I was in the Atlanta area one year after a conference. I notice the South Terminus sign of the AT and said, "...the Appalachian Trail, I've heard of that...." I thought "Thru" hike meant you were DONE....which, happy to say, I now am. Guess what, it was EARLY March. I thought "man, there are alot of people walking around with HUGE backpacks, guess they'll be out there for a few DAYS..."Most of my important gear was borrowed or provided by my great friends Terry and Susan Foley of Innovative Leisure, Inc. (www.innovativeleisure.com) and the rest bought from Campmor. Try outfitting yourself for the AT, a MOUNTAIN Region, while living in South Florida; way SOUTH. Ha.I kept it to myself, the planning of the AT journey, until I was sure it would happen. I promised two seasons of programs and events at my job and kept my promise, seeing it through. I am proad of some of those events.. I will surely mis the Fine Art Festival, Chili In The Village, The Scarecrow Spooktacular Fall Festival, and Shakespeare On The Stroll. I hope they continue on for many years so I can VISIT and attend. I made the decision after pulling my name from the finalists for the Position of Festival Director in Asheville. Apparently I wen from the "Number 1" position for the jod to the "Number 2" because my suit was "without tie"... So, A Tie put me on the AT. Hmmm, that is something to ponder. Life changes with some of the simplest things. A tie. If you know me, you know that I do KNOW how to dress "the part." (No comments from you Butterfly. Ha Ha). Guess not.I am so eager to put my creative mind back in gear and get on with some interesting directions; whatever they may be? When asked one of those questionaire questions about your "three best qualities/traits," I usually put 1) Creative 2) Resourceful 3) Eclectic   Should I change these? I have pondered that for many-a-miles. What does it really take to be compensated for creativity? I sure hope to find out.Another thing that really bothers me. I ask myself "what have I really done to help my Mother and better her life and future?" If you dont know, my Mom suffered a Brain aneurysm 5 years ago. She is paralysed on the left side and living in a nursing home in Oklahoma with way too many people 20 to 40 years older than her. How can I get her around more people her age? More people with simular struggles, overcoming them, working with them, advancing in any way possible? I know our healthcare system is pretty foul but, come on, this IS the United States of America. My Mother IS a person that contributed to the good of this nation her whole life. Shouldnt there be something, someplace,somewhere, somehow, that she can be in the best possible lifestyle that suits her wants, needs and abilities? Yes, there absolutely should be and very well could be...be how can I make the match? Where is the system in place to handle this situation? It must be more common than it seems. Other people must be in the same situation. Someone must have the solution. And yet, the miles passed by with this on my mind. Many days I did my best to try to put it out of my mind, just for a mental break. You see, when a question(s) continue to pass thru your thoughts and no answers or conclusions can be formed, it can eat at your core. The above questions seem like they would have simple answers but I tell you, I have spent MANY pre-AT hours on the computer and countless hours in my own little world, seaching. Searching.Another confession, I am over bitterness. I didnt even know I had it. Many people dont realize it in their own being. Yes, it was there. I have a plan for mending relationship both, between myself and others as well as helping others do the same with people they are inbittered(is that a word?) by.I missed Saturday Morning cartoons. DO NOT take these for granted. However, I missed the ones from when I was a kid. I Missed " Overture, candle lights. This it it the..." Looney Tunes. Wiley. Tom and Jerry. There is TOO much animation and attempted storyline now, I want creative thinking and simple fun. I think kids need more of that these days. Adults, help them be creative by doing so yourself.I was watching Baseball last night, for some odd reason, and a name on the back of a jersey made me think about where I came from. The name is JENKS, and this is REALLY where I was when I was born(well, after the hospital). Jenks, America. Look it up. It is to Tulsa like Brooklyn to NY only there are just two tall buildings for 150 miles. I have spend my life trying to "get out," "move on" and do better than before. This is all relative, of course. I did alot of "Remembering Where I Came From!" nout on the Trail. Please do the same, you dont need a 2000 mile trail for this. I cant wait to go to the TREE where Donnie and I grew up and built our TREE FORTS (no, it was NOT a Tree "House"). I'd like to sit up there with him and just not say anything for a few minutes. Just look. Take note. Remember. I(WE) had always wished the worst on the man and woman (The "Sparkplugs")that owned the trailor park(note: our trailors and property came up to it's property line, which cause a bit of turmoil in my childhood, I must add). Donnie lived in that park, thank GOD! But these folks put an early change in both of our lives. Much like the waves that hit down south, our structure would be forever changed by them. I wont go into that but it was a defining point in my life. One that it has taken me many years to fully digest. But, without that, I would not be the person I am and quite possibly could never had done the things I have accomplished. No, we'll sit there in the TREE and look out at that trailor park and know that, we did get our wish. We'll sit there, proud MEN, distinguished citizens, two guys of good moral character and people with compassion; these are things that Mr. Sparkplug presumed, even in many ways TOLD us we would never be. It would be nice to think they maybe, just maybe, he'd see us drive up there, get out and head over to the TREE. He'd look at us climb up and sit there and wonder who we were. He'd be looking at someone in which he did not even know he had had an impact on;two guys that he alone, set standards for how we would always live. I can tell you this, I'll be thinking, not about him or us. I'll be thinking about our Mothers, sitting there in his diningroom/livingroom/entertainment room/kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee and saying "You boys dont get into trouble." ...... "ok Mom..."As I type this, here in Hanover library, I cannot stop the tears, the emotions. Good therapy, I assume. As Jimmy Buffett says at the end of SON OF A SAILOR: "...my tradition remains, I'm just glad I dont live in a trailor."Thank you "Sparkplug" for sending us on our way. I know how to "overcome" because of you. (We wont burn down your office now.) Enough Confessions of a Thru-Hiker for today. On On!