Date: 2013-05-29
From: Damascus, VA

To: Damascus, VA
Miles today: 0.0

In the morning I made a bunch of phone calls to try to figure out where I could get a blood test to check my thyroid levels in a week or so, further up the trail (I have hyperthyroidism), and to talk with my friend Bmac's parents, who invited me to stay with them in Blacksburg once I got up to Pearisburg. The phone calls took an inordinate amount of time, so it wasn't looking like I was going to get out on the trail very early. No matter. I headed over to the outfitter again where the owner, Jeff (who I found out is a Christian as well), helped me try on a ULA pack again, which also took an inordinate amount of time. I tend to be very indecisive most of the time, (other times I have a very strong gut feeling), particularly about something as important as what pack I will carry for the next 1700 miles. As I walked around the store with the ULA pack on, I wavered and debated. It felt ok--not wonderful--not bad--I could tell it had potential...After a couple of hours adjusting and readjusting the fit of the metal stays, trying my own pack on again for comparison, then trying the ULA on again, etc, etc, I decided to just buy it and leave my pack there at the store in case I didn't like it once I got on the trail. So I loaded it up and left the outfitter, stopping at Subway (as has become my custom so I have a fresh meal to eat at night) along the way, and headed out of town on the bike path. As the AT headed into the woods and I started the climb up out of town, I was not comfortable. The pack was pulling on my back pretty bad. I realized that I did NOT in fact like the pack, that I just wanted my old pack back...and I started to cry. In fact, I started sobbing. I felt caught in a situation that I didn't like and didn't know what to do about...."Do I keep going, hoping it gets more comfortable?...Is it too late to go back and return the pack--can I even DO that???...What will Jeff say if I do go back?...I feel so embarrassed, taking up so much of Jeff's time only to change my mind!" All these thoughts rushed through my mind as I was standing on the trail, crying. Looking back, I don't think the situation actually warranted such a strong emotional response, but I've realized that there was so much going on deeper, in my spirit, below the surface, that was reflected in my crying. I have spent many years meeting with a spiritual director, and one of the things I have been trying to learn is that I don't have to consult with lots and lots of people to help me make a decision. I have wisdom and experience within me, which God has given to me, and most of the time I have what it takes to make a decision, I just have to access that information. Ultimately, only *I* can decide what is best for me, especially on the trail...that is why you hear the words "Hike Your Own Hike" all the time. I am probably not explaining myself very well, but I hope you get the idea.As I was standing there, I heard in my spirit, "It's not too late to go and get your pack back." And after calling Maw, my trail mentor, to consult with her about my options (see what I mean about consulting with people before I do something?!), I did go back and get my pack back. And Jeff could not have been more kind and gracious about it all. He kept calling me "darling," which I loved, and encouraged me a lot. Then he invited me to go to Bible Study at his church, and I did. He gave me the keys to room #2 at the hostel, and when I got there I found Slo-go'en's stuff there...Apparently he arrived just after the outfitter (who runs the hostel also, in case you didn't catch that) closed. So he and I shared a room, which sounds so inappropriate, but trust me, on the trail this is totally normal. When he saw my compression leggings and I mentioned that I thought I looked like a ninja, he started calling me Ninja Poppins. Love it! Then I ate my sub and went to bed tired, but with my spirit lifted.