Date: 2008-02-19
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Miles today: 0.0

   I have a few hours before I need to go to work and since I have already spent two hours making myself smell good and look presentable, there was nothing to do but write in my journal. My parents and I am going to set off for GA on the morning of the first. From MPLS we will drive down to Peoria to spend some time with my brother at his campus.    One of my favorite things to do is spend quality time with Kyle. He is always there for me without being intrusive and he has a bigger influence in my life than he gives himself credit for. We have high-energy fun and mellow times and that is what makes our relationship special to me, our friendship is deep enough to be dynamic regardless of the situation. We don't see each other much and we have very different visions for the direciton of our lives, but when I need him he is always there to connect with me and he can always make even the worst situation seem better. If you need someone to inspire you to be positive, my brother is it.    The time between now and my trip is short. I suppose I am talking about my relationship with my brother because I can't leave home without reflecting on what has made my life as satisfying as it is. This walk is going to be terribly hard on me because my family is so close and because my loyalty to them is very consuming. Worrying about the people I love is natural but a piece of advice I gave my friend the other day won't leave me alone. I told him that he needed to work to get over a situation that has affected his life because you can't sit and wait history to repeat itself, you must change with the times. He asked me what to do and I told him, "Everyday remember something about that relationship, enjoy that memory and then let it go. You don't need to forget it, you just need to let it float into the file cabinets of your mind so it isn't the only thing you think about." So, the last few days this thought has been marinating in my mind and I couldn't figure out why it was so hard to let go or what its purpose was, until today.    The time for independence from your parents comes at different stages of life for everyone. Some people don't leave the nest until their twenties and so, I must question whether March 4th is the right day for me to find my place outside of my home or if two years from now is more appropriate. I am scared and a little frustrated because I don't have an answer and because I know the answer won't come until I am well and truly on my own. The advice I gave my friend wouldn't let me go and I have to think that the reason is because I needed to hear it for myself. Everyday on that trail will bring new experiences and new friends and I can't let fear of leaving home consume me, I need to make this place my home for as long I am there. I have decided to take my own advice because, let's face it, it seems pretty wise. Every time I think about leaving the trail for home I will grab a great memory of my family, experience it and allow myself to enjoy it, then I will trade it for something that made me happy on the trail. My time out there is short and I can't spend it yearning for my nest, I will miss the good times I have with my family but I will actively remind myself that the experiences on the trail is what will make me grow as a person.    I love my brother because he is so strong and because he is so confusing to me. There have been times I have not wanted to live with him or talk to him but I have to say that as a whole, there has never been a time when I haven't respected him. Going to my brothers' campus will be great because it will be a time to gather the good times close to my heart, and appreciate the frustrating times for what they were.    Just like yoga creates space in the body, I hope this walk will help me create space for a second home and different type of family in my heart.    I love you. Like damn, I'm from Minnesota, land of the cold airToo many mosquitoes and our fair share of egosBut like my man Sabe says, that's where my mommy staysSo if the people laugh and giggle when you tell em where you liveAnd if you know this is where you wanna raise your kidsIf you're from the Midwest and it doesn't matter whereIf you can drink tap water and breathe the airSay shhh, say shhh