Date: 2019-06-20
From: MattÃÂÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂs Creek Shelter

To: Glasgow
Miles today: 2.2
Weather: overcast clouds

Today I woke up early! I got up at 6! I was motivated and had a bar for breakfast instead of oatmeal. I was efficient and got out a little bit before 7. It would be a little tight timing-wise, so I was hiking quickly. Slow Poke stayed behind and Stargazer hiked ahead of me. The map made it look like the 2 miles would be flat, but it wasn¢t at all. It was rocky and up down up down the whole way. I was going fast and found it hot, even this early in the morning. I got to a bridge, the James River Footbridge, and walked across. The water was crystal clear. The bridge wasn¢t the most attractive bridge, but it was cool to see. The trailhead was right after, and Stargazer was sitting taking a break. While we waited and chatted, Thumper and his Uncle Rick showed up so he could continue hiking. They said they had waited for me until 5, and I felt so bad. I really had hoped they wouldn¢t, and I told Rick not to wait when I saw him at the Trail Magic. Thumper walked by without saying much and Red Bush sat for a moment. Rick seemed frustrated about the previous night. He had told the hostel owners that I was coming, so they reserved a bunk, but I literally called them myself and they said to stay in the shelter and come in in the morning, so they knew I wasn¢t going to make it. But it was a big to do and everyone was confused. It¢s hard because I had no service at the shelter last night and couldn¢t update anyone. But it is what it is. As frustrated as he was, Rick offered us a ride back to town. The shuttle wasn¢t showing up even though they told me it comes at 8, so he ended up taking us. He has a Honda Pilot and that made me homesick because we have one at home. Such a good car! He had a camper behind it that he uses to camp while he follows Thumper along on the section hike. He dropped us off at the hostel. He was a bit sassy and said ¢maybe I¢ll see you again, but at the rate you¢re going Little Debbie, probably not.¢ Stargazer and I both cringed and I did not like that comment at all. But he was nice to give me a ride, so I brushed it off and went inside.And saw Ain¢t Dead Yet!! I haven¢t seen him in a few days! He was doing a work-for-stay at the hostel, so he was checking us in. I reserved a bunk and unfortunately all the bottom ones were taken, so I chose a top bunk and hung out. I tried to do some blogging since I¢ve been so far behind on that. I went to lunch at this restaurant in town called Scottie¢s, and treated myself to chicken fingers! Worth the wait for those nuggets I tell ya! Haha. I went to the Dollar General and got some stuff to cook for dinner since the hostel had a nice kitchen. I weighed myself today, and found out I¢ve lost 30 pounds. Weight is an extremely sensitive topic for me and I¢ve struggled with it all my life. I will forever be bothered by the way we idealize people like Kim Kardashian in this society and think we need to have her massive butt and tiny waist. Jeans are hard enough lol I don¢t need a bigger butt. Haha. But seriously, it¢s so ridiculous to me. Why should it matter so much how much makeup we wear, how thin we are, etc? I feel most beautiful when I¢m caked in makeup, I¢m thin, and my hair is straightened and that¢s just not right to me. It shouldn¢t be that way. Honestly I just want to be a healthy and happy me. I¢m mostly happy about this weight loss because I¢m healthy. As I¢ve talked about, my last year of college was just horrible and the breakup and everything else I went through put me at rock bottom and a heavier weight. I needed to be at rock bottom because that¢s the only way we grow. It was a wake-up call and a growing period. But once I worked on it with my therapist and myself, I was happy before I left for the trail. And I was 30 pounds heavier, but happy. Let¢s repeat that. 30 pounds heavier, BUT STILL HAPPY. Again, I¢m now lighter, but healthier. That¢s what matters to me.It has been hard for me to lose weight in the past. I¢ve never actually asked about my metabolism or checked that out, but I do think mine is rather slow. It just takes forever to lose weight. And I still end up with relatively large thighs, even after losing weight. Yeah I know, muscle gain, but still, there are times I¢ve exercised every day and still been heavier than this. Am I going to have to hike 10 miles a day from now on after the trail to stay thin? I was going to the gym for an hour or more everyday before the trail and I didn¢t lose the weight then. I just stayed the same. It¢s such a struggle. And it sends me spiraling because all I can think about is how I¢ll gain all of this back after the trail and people will call me fat again and I won¢t be able to take the weight off. It kills me. I¢m happy now and I was happy then. But I¢m healthier now at this weight. I don¢t run out of breath going up stairs. I can easily be active. It¢s nice. And I don¢t eat as much as I should on trail, so I literally feel like I can¢t eat anything at home and that also kills me. I fear I¢ll get an eating disorder from missing the body I have now. I don¢t know what I¢ll do. But I can celebrate this right now and feel healthy and strong. For right now, that¢s all that matters. The future is uncertain, my body will change a million times as I get older. But right now, I¢m happy and healthy. And 30 pounds lighter and somehow a bit more free from all the weight that was dragging me deep into my depression last year. The load is finally off? I¢m free? But somehow there¢s still more weight being piled on. It¢s like my pack is symbolic for the pressures I feel out here. But I guess I will carry that burden as I work through it.I sat on the couch and watched some TV with Ain¢t Dead Yet and Stargazer. We watched Black Panther, which I haven¢t seen until now, and The Office. Ain¢t Dead Yet made BREAD. HOMEMADE BREAD. Omg YESS!! I left to do my errands and came back to the smell of fresh bread. It was delicious. He¢s quite the cook! Salamander texted me and Cali was in contact too. I wanted to do some slackpacking from here to Waynesboro, because Stanimals has two locations. Cali was interested in that, but decided not to. Salamander had a friend in Lynchburg who could potentially slackpack us too. She was a day behind me so it meant I¢d have to zero tomorrow too. I was really feeling the pressure of the trail, but I also wanted to hike with her and thought it would be fun to see her friend, so I told her I¢d wait for her. As I was hanging out, some new folks came in. One of them was named The Champ because he carries a big wrestling belt with him on trail. We had a lot of good conversations. There was a group of older folks who were slackpacking for several days and they were quite a hoot, snapping at each other like an old married couple. I made spaghetti for dinner and it was very yummy, but I couldn¢t finish it all, so Ain¢t Dead Yet finished it for me. The Champ and I stayed up talking for a while and I had the wine I bought at Dollar General and some cider gifted by another man hanging out at the hostel. Two girls walked in and stayed upstairs. I found the massage chair and made a home for myself there haha. I think I sat through 10 cycles. I wish it massaged more of my upper back and neck, as it was mostly middle back and a bit of lower, but it was still nice. My posture is so terrible these days and my back is just a big curve because of all that weight, so I hope the massage helps my poor back muscles relax. It was a pretty low-key, chill day, but I had a nice time chatting with everyone and liked this hostel quite a bit! I listened to Midnight Rider and relaxed. I¢m looking forward to seeing Salamander tomorrow! Little Debbie