Date: 2005-02-23
To: Why, actually, AM I doing this?
Miles today: 0.0

Lately I¢ve been thinking more and more about the reasons for doing this hike and what I hope to get out of it. In part, I think I just need to be sure that my thoughts are in order, or at least as ordered as I can get them at this point in the game. And now that my pack is squared away, and my physical conditioning is underway, the time just seems right to return to those questions I posed in entry #5. Why is it important for me to have my thoughts in order, you may ask. Well, it¢s partly in response to the terrifying enormity of the challenge that lies ahead and the desire not to embarrass my self by concluding three days out from Springer Mountain that I really didn¢t want to do this thing after all. Not that I think there is much risk of that, but hey, I¢m a Boy Scout Leader and you know what the motto is: BE PREPARED. So, here goes. My top ten reasons ¢ at this point in history ¢ for hiking the AT:#10:        Store up some memories for the ¢old folks¢ home. If you were to ask my brother and me, quite separately, which was the day in our life when we laughed the hardest and the longest, until our sides ached and we couldn¢t stand it anymore, we would both have the same answer: the day ¢ the first time ever, and never again since for me ¢ that we went skiing. I couldn¢t even tell you, without stopping to figure it out, what year that might have been, not that it matters. What we treasure is the memory of shared joy and happiness, the closeness of being brothers on a glorious, deliriously carefree day ¢ so stark in its contrast with the humdrum, work-a-day world that comprises so much of our normal existence. I want some more of those days. I wish he were hiking with me, but that¢s not going to happen. Not this year. Maybe when he retires and decides to have a go at the trail, I¢ll be able to go with him.When I can no longer run with the big dogs, when I am rocking chair-bound ¢ parked out on the porch with a throw around my shoulders, looking off into the distance, I will see the trail. Later, when I¢m taken inside to sit by the fire, I will hear the chatter around the campfire, and I will remember happy days. And I will be glad I went. #9:        See some really cool places. There is something incredible about standing on the top of a mountain, looking out over all of creation for miles around. It¢s especially awesome when you can look back at the miles traveled, and ahead at those yet to be traversed. It is a feeling of grandeur and majesty. Throw in a sunrise or a sunset, and the moment transcends time. The fact that you know you have earned the right to that vista by dint of your own effort, and that not very many people will have the opportunity, or be willing to pay the price to get there, makes it even more special. Not in a selfish way, but in a gratitude sort of way ¢ knowing that you have been blessed.#8:        ¢Bragging Rights¢Let¢s be honest here. If I can pull this off ¢ and I¢m not saying I can, just that I¢m going to try ¢ then my efforts will have put me into a relatively small and select group of people. People I admire for their perseverance, and their fortitude, if not their sanity. I read somewhere once that every person has a right to be remarkable, if they can, to do remarkable things if they¢re able. Not everyone would choose this sort of challenge, but many do. And frankly, I have admiration for all who even start ¢ however far they may reach. There are just way too many things that can go wrong ¢ out there on the trail, or on the home front ¢ to think that things are really under the hiker¢s own control. I suspect that most of those that make it will tell you they couldn¢t have done it without the help of others at key points along the way ¢ the support of family, friends, and even strangers.   I really don¢t feel that ¢bragging rights¢ are all that important to me, but still...it WOULD be nice. I wouldn¢t be embarrassed by it. The real test, I think, is whether I would be embarrassed to say that I had tried and failed. I think that might depend on why I had dropped off. And whether I¢d be planning to get back on, and keep going until I finish. Frankly, that is what I would be inclined to do ¢ short of some major disability. No guarantees, of course, but there is a reason I chose this particular trail name.... #7:        Learn to live in the woods.As you know by now, I¢m into scouting, and I really want to be able to take my own kids, and other people¢s kids, into the woods. I want them to experience the good things that nature has to offer, and I want them to have fun. I also want to keep them safe, and that means I need to know what I¢m doing out there. Right now, my experience is limited. What a luxury to have six months living out there, learning what it¢s really all about. I remember thinking, during my 8 day SNP hike, how unaccustomed I was to the noises of the forest. Every acorn that dropped to the ground, every rush of wind through the tops of the trees, would startle me awake. I began to get used to it, but just barely. Not like the sounds of the heat pump coming on or a toilet flushing ¢ night-time noises that would probably not even register for me, but would scare the h*ll out of a bear. A through-hiker once wrote that after several months on the trail she felt like just one more animal out there in the woods ¢ no better and no worse than any other. I thought to myself how cool that would be ¢ to feel that way ¢ to feel as though I belong there. #6:         Take a Break from the World of WorkI¢ve been working now for almost 35 years. I never did get that summer off between college and graduate school, or between graduate school and the world of work, to bum around Europe on a shoestring. I¢m not done working. There¢s more I can contribute, and more that I would like to be able to do that will take some extra cash now and again. So I expect to come back from the trail and pick up some of what I¢ve been doing. Not as much, but some. I just sort of feel like I¢ve earned a bit of fun, a bit of ¢me¢ time. The wonderful thing, of course, is that ¢She-who-knows-me-best¢ agrees. I expect to come back refreshed and renewed, with new perspectives on life and with new insights into some of the more interesting issues of our day. And it¢s not entirely like a vacation. I¢ll be working pretty hard physically. But it is about renewal, and that, I suspect, will enhance the contributions I may be able to make when I return. #5:        Whip My Butt into Shape!One of the reasons I am in such bad shape right now, at least in terms of my weight, is that I don¢t get enough exercise. Not being able to run any more due to my bad knee doesn¢t help, but I just haven¢t had the luxury of a lot of free time to devote to getting my self whipped into shape. If this little walk in the woods does nothing else for me, it will do that. Guaranteed! There are few things as strenuous as hoisting a 35 pound pack onto your back and climbing mountains all day long. The challenge, of course, will be to stay in shape once I get back from the hike. That won¢t be easy, either, but I¢ll deal with it when the time comes. For now, I¢ll settle for getting into the best shape I¢ve been in since graduate school. And I need that kind of starting over if I¢m going to live to be 100 and still be able to get around. That rocking chair on the porch thing ¢ did I mention my great, great, granddaddy lived to be 104? My hero¢¦.#4:        Make some neat new friendsMost of my closest friends are those I¢ve worked with over the years at the World Bank. (I can¢t mention them all, but I really have to say ¢hey¢ to Skip and Ben!) As I mentioned in an earlier post, however, I¢ve done a pretty lousy job of keeping up with old friends outside of work. My sense is that the trail community is really a very special one. A bit strange, perhaps. Ok, a lot strange, but that¢s what I¢m looking for right now. For me, it¢s time to break the mold, throw off the shackles of civilization, and go for the new, the improved Wild, Wonderful, Wacky World of (not-very) Private, 2nd Class, Longhaul, Walter M. The military designation, of course, is derived from our ¢M¢ ¢ for March ¢ Company, that collection of lost souls who are departing from Springer Mountain starting very shortly. The M in Walter M, as those assembled eyes who have been paying attention will know, stands for Mitty, old Mr. Thurber¢s creation. This is going to be fun. I¢m looking forward to the community part a lot. #3:        Decide What I Really Want To Be When I Grow UpAs I say, I¢m planning on living another forty years. I don¢t know yet what exactly I will do with them, but I can assure you I will not be sitting on the sofa watching Oprah. I figure I¢ll have plenty of time out there on the trail to reflect on this question. I intend to give it a lot of careful thought. I¢d really like to get it right this time. #2:        Rethink the Things That Give Meaning to My LifeWhenever I go away, no matter if it¢s for a month or only a couple of days, I always come home with a greater appreciation for my wife and my kids. They mean the world to me. I hope I¢ll be a better husband and father when I get back. Maybe I¢ll be a little calmer, less quick to get frazzled when things don¢t go right. Maybe I¢ll find ways to help out more around the house. I don¢t know. I¢d also like to give some thought to what else is important ¢ really important ¢ in my life. What I believe, and don¢t believe. And what I want to do about that. In the Hindu religion, they define certain stages of life. As you grow from child to adult, and become a husband and then a father, you change and your responsibilities change. And then, when you¢ve finished your family responsibilities, you¢re supposed to ¢retire to the woods¢ and work on perfecting yourself for the next life. Unless you don¢t mind coming back as a grasshopper or something. Darn, now this is going to start sounding like philosophy and religion or something. Well, ok, it could happen. If I hurry, maybe I¢ll be able to keep up with Scholar and Break-a-Leg, and they can cure me of this.   #1        Figure Out Where Exactly I Want to Go From Here With My Life. Some years ago I had the privilege of working with a grand old man by the name of John Crystal. He taught a course he had invented called Life/Work Planning. He¢d co-authored a book with Richard Bolles called ¢Where Do I Go From Here With My Life.¢   (Bolles is the author of ¢What Color is Your Parachute¢ and related self-help books.) One of the points John used to make is that there is ¢THE World¢ and then there is ¢YOUR World¢. You get to define your world. As Sir Thomas Moore wrote, however, ¢The difficulty in life is the choice.¢ Frankly, I have no idea where exactly I want to go next when I get back from this little walk in the woods.   At this point in time, that¢s fine with me. If I¢m lucky enough to keep going, I¢ll have six months on the trail to think about that question. That should be enough, don¢t you think. Stay tuned,