Date: 2016-09-07
To: Post-Trail
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: clear sky

I got off the mountain, and I knew that I was in shock. I knew that I would just need to process and then I would know what it felt like to be done. The next day came...and it still didn't feel real. I thought maybe with all my closest pals leaving, I'd feel it, but I still didn't. Don't get me wrong, I definitely didn't like saying goodbye, but it's almost like saying goodbye didn't feel real either. My mom came to pick us up and brought us to the beach to meet up with my dad. A beach day after hiking for 2,000 miles seemed like an awesome, relaxing way to ease out. Of course the beach day was great, and we even went the next day too! (where a seagull promptly stole my phone along with a bag of food...but lots of luck made it so that someone found my phone and returned it to the office where we had left a number in case it was found--yay!) But being at the beach kind of just felt like a mini trail vacation. I still felt like I was just going to go back to the trail the next day and keep hiking. I'm done? Done hiking? Done seeing the people I'm used to seeing everyday and living the way I've been living for 5 months? Really done? It started to kick in more when I went to my grandparents' house on the way home, but the real kicker was when I got home. Now, I EXPECTED that when I got home I'd feel weird and out of place, but what I DIDN'T anticipate is how normal it would feel at the same time. A day went by at home, and I felt like the trail had just been this elaborate dream and that I just woke up to regular life and it was the same as it always had been. It was a really jarring feeling. Aren't I supposed to feel different? I know that I've grown and changed, but everything here is still the same; it just smells worse. No more amazingly fresh air. What's worse is I got used to that within the next couple days too. I was really down for a few days, feeling lost and weird and annoyed that everything was the same. I was anxious and worried that I would just slip into the same old, boring routine. I did not want that to happen.All I dreamed about on the trail was how I wanted my life to be when I was finished. I dreamed of a fresh start. I ignited an excitement for getting started with my new, amazing life I had thought up for myself. Now, I just needed to put it into action.Step 1: I got rid of probably 60% of my clothes. Don't wear 'em. Don't need 'em! I realized that after only wearing one outfit a day for 155 or so days. (I love my dresses though...)Step 2: Throw away random crap in my room that I don't need/Get rid of pointless space-wasting knick-knacks. (Still working on this...I have a lot of random crap.)Step 3: Chop off all my hair! I've been dying for a haircut, and I finally got one! (It's not too dramatic, but it did the trick.) I feel all new now. Clipped nails, shaved legs, new haircut, and I'm ready to go! I guess I felt like I needed to look a little different to actually feel different. It's like now, I'm the girl who thru-hiked the Appalachian Trail! Whereas, before, I was just still the same me as before.Step 4: Make lists! I love making lists. I'm definitely a total list-maker. I made a list of daily goals, short-term goals, long-term goals, things I want to focus on everyday, etc. Some of these include: Positivity Mantras (such as waking up and saying what I'm grateful for every morning), Loving Myself (which includes treating myself well--sleeping enough, drinking enough water, eating well, exercising, pushing myself, healthy indulgences, etc.), and Things I Want to Do More of to mold me into the person I want to become (such as improving my photography, learning a new language, learning the ukulele, getting better at calisthenics and rock climbing, etc.) The trail still feels more like a dream than something that actually happened, but I have my pictures to remind me that it did happen. I have my friends to remind me. I have my new strengths to remind me. I have toner legs to remind me. So I know it DID happen. But, I'm feeling better. Almost two weeks later, I'm feeling better. I started school yesterday, and that was a whole new influx of crazy, but I survived. With the thousands of people crowding the campus, I definitely felt like I wanted to go crawl back into the serenity of the woods, but then I remembered, people-watching is fun.So Step 5: I made tentative schedules for the days. I agreed to start going to the gym with my mom at 5am every morning...which if you've read my blog previously, you'll know 5am is a BIT of a stretch...but I figure if I go with her, then I'm giving her a gym buddy, which will help her to be happier and healthier while making me get my butt out of bed earlier, which will hopefully make the rest of my day more productive. (Also, gym buddies are always great and will help keep you going!) The rest of the day is pretty flexible besides classes, so I hope to remember to be mindful about how I spend my time, especially when it comes to watching tv. It's definitely a comfort, but I'd rather be doing something else (the majority of the time), and I just need to remember that and practice that.Anyway, so that's that. Sorry if it was long winded. Again, I appreciate all the amazing encouragement, positivity, and support that I've received through trail journals. I did not expect that when I started blogging on here. Thank you!