Date: 2016-06-30
From: Florida

To: Florida
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: scattered clouds

The last few months have been a roller coaster. For a while I wondered if I made the right decision in getting off the trail. Maybe it was nothing more than heartburn and anxiety about hiking in the snow. Unfortunately, back home I could not ignore the ongoing symptoms. But I had hopes of returning to the AT by the 1st of April. My resting heart rate remained close to 100 bpm., and I was gasping for breath and struggling to climb just a single flight of steps - I was clearly no longer the lean mean hiking machine that came off the trail at the end of November. I was also ravenously hungry and extremely fatigued. I went to bed early, slept late, and took naps. Something was definitely wrong. I gradually began to accept that I made the right decision to come home and see my doctor.We were back in Florida February 21. I was in my primary care physician's office 2 days later. An EKG was normal - I was told I was not having a heart attack at that moment - seriously!! I was also chastised for not going to the ER on 2/20. (I knew I was not having a heart attack then either.)I was in the office of a wonderful cardiologist the next week. I could tell that she was really listening to me, but I suspected that she did not expect to find a cardiovascular problem. She kept telling me I was in very good shape for my age.I spent the month of March undergoing extensive, and very expensive, cardiovascular tests - first an echo cardiogram and stress test. The doctor increased the stress test beyond the typical limits to compensate for my trail fitness. Both tests were normal, but my symptoms continued. She ordered a heart catherization. During this time I also saw my GI doctor. I was overdue for a colonoscopy and endoscopy. The tests were done and nothing was found that would explain my symptoms.Fasting blood tests conducted before the echo cardiogram/stress test and again before the heart catherization finally started to shed light on what was really wrong.The first blood test showed my blood glucose levels were high. I thought it was a mistake. The doctor did not mention it.The blood test the morning of the heart catherization showed my glucose levels were extremely high. This time the cardiologist asked if I was diabetic.Before I started the AT I had a complete physical with extensive blood tests. At that time my glucose level was on the high side of normal. I pointed this out to my doctor and asked about bringing it down. I did not want to become diabetic. My doctor assured me that the trail would take care of it.She was right. My blood tests when I got off the trail in November showed my glucose levels were just about dead center normal. I was thrilled and assumed I had nothing more to worry about. There was no explanation for why my glucose levels were now so extremely high.The heart catherization was normal. It was now the first week of April. I was in my primary care physican's office the day after the heart catherization to address the glucose levels. An A1C, a blood test which measures average glucose levels for the previous 3 month period, was extremely high and confirmed I am in fact diabetic. There was no mistake. The diagnosis explained some of my syptoms, such as the extreme fatigue and hunger. (The glucose, or energy from the food I was eatting, was staying in my blood instead of going where it was supposed to be going. So I felt tired and hungry.)I did not take the news well - not well at all. I was confused, overwhelmed, and absolutely devistated. Blood glucose testing meters were discused. I was told I would need to get a meter and test my blood via finger sticks several times a day. I was told I would need to change my diet and exercise. And I was told not to expect to return to the AT any time soon (if at all). I was just numb.I spent most of the month of April meeting with my doctor weekly to monitor my glucose levels and having further blood tests. I also met with a dietician. Since I was cleared by the cardiologist, I began to train to return to the AT. I gradually increased the mileage every week, starting with 3 miles per day until I reached 9 miles per day, with an occasional 12. Training was the only thing that kept me together.The additional blood tests revealed that I did not have Type 2 diabetes. Instead I have Type 1 diabetes. Type 1 is an entirely different animal. Prior to all this I knew absolutely nothing about diabetes.   I bought several books with titles like "Type 1 Diabetes for Dumbies" and "How to Think Like a Pancreas", but I was too upset to read them. My entire life just changed in an instant, and I was not taking it well. When I first returned home I frequently had vivid dreams of being on the AT. In the dreams I was healthy and happy, and enjoying every moment on the trail. With the diagnosis of Type 1 diabetes, the dreams abruptly stopped.My primary care physican referred me to a wonderful endocrinologist, who did not have an opening until May 17th. It was worth the wait. She really listened to me and realized how devistated I was by the diagnosis. She also assured me that if there was a way to get me back on the AT she would help me do it.Of course, she ordered more blood tests. The diabetes only explained some of my symptoms. Unfortunately autoimmune issues, like Type 1 diabetes, usually come in pairs. The blood tests revealed that I also have a thyroid issue (Graves Disease), which explains my rapid resting heartbeat and some other symptoms.The whole situation was so devistating, so very very raw for me, that I just could not discuss it without falling completely apart. (Sorry Gail. You called and asked when I was returning to the trail and why I got off. I hope you now understand why I could not talk about it.)March 19th came and went. I thought about the 2016 thru hikers starting at Springer Mountain. April 1st, May 1st, and then June 1st came and went. My little dog, Morgan, who is still doing surprisingly well for her age, turned 17.The ATC magazine with the names of the members of the 2015 class of thru hikers arrived - obviously my name is not on that list. While I was happy for all those thru hikers who truly and honestly hiked every one of the 2,189.2 miles of the AT - some of whom I had the good fortune to meet on the trail, I could not bare to look at the magazine. I could not bare to update my trail journal. And I could not bare to look at my hiking boots and the Big Blue Beast, sitting in the garage ready and waiting for me to go back to the AT and finish.The AT is calling. I so hope I can answer the call and go back - SOON.