Date: 2009-02-16
To: One year ago today...
Miles today: 0.0

On a warm, clear day one year ago today, I stood atop Springer Mountain wondering what was to come.  I wasn't nervous or anxious at all, I knew I would take it one day at a time and see where it got me.  I thought that besides injury, there shouldn't really be anything keeping me from completing the trail, as I have thoroughly enjoyed my wilderness excursions before, though obviously nothing near this length.I started solo early in the year to avoid the rush, and intended to hike the trail solo.  I also wanted to stay out of hostels as much as possible, but that ended by the time I hit Neel's Gap 40 miles up the trail.  I did avoid a lot of hostels and hotel stays though, and took few zero days, mainly to heal my knees.Looking back now, even though my pack was a little on the heavy side when I started, if I had another shot, I would do it exactly the same way.  I enjoyed hiking solo, but once I hooked up with Team Deutschemark, I enjoyed the whole experience more.  After my knees healed, I started doing high mile days regularly, but enjoyed the challenge and sense of accomplishment.  I almost became addicted to doing high miles.  I still made sure to check out the high rocky bluffs I was fond of, but as the days grew longer, there was plenty of time to walk, and I would rather walk than be bored in camp.I never really thought of giving up, aside from a couple bad days, I had no reason to.  I had hiked part of the AT the previous year, so I knew I could handle the trail.When I summitted Katahdin, what I accomplished didn't hit me.  It still hasn't, and I don't know if I will ever fully comprehend my experience.  I was ready to be done with the trail when I finished it, but I definitely was still enjoying it at the end, I wasn't forcing myself to finish it.  Heck, the last 400 miles of the trail were the best part by far.Near the door of my room is a strip map of the AT.  I see it every time I go into my room, and most of the time I pause when some section catches my eye.  I will stand there reminiscing to myself about that section.  I can still remember most of the trail, where I spent the night most nights, how long it took me to go between landmarks, and when I apply this to the map I am amazed at my accomplishment.  Some 2-3 day periods, I could knock off all or most of an entire state.  At this point, I have to force myself to keep going before I start to miss the trail.I don't talk about the trail much anymore, and it pains me.  When I finished the trail, I told people back home some stories, but I could tell they weren't really listening, and I find myself hesitating to mention the trail or a story because I know the person won't get it or doesn't care.  The trail was, and will continue to be a large part of my life, and few people outside the hiking community can or will appreciate my experience.In one of the many journals I read after I finished, I stumbled across this entry by Hephzibah, and I think it fits here:   "You know how when you have a crush on someone you absolutely can't get him off your mind? Everything you see, hear, smell, do, touch, or feel your mind somehow distorts to lead you back to the same starting point. Him. He is your first thought in the morning, your last thought at night. Every conversation you begin starts with him. Every conversation someone else begins with you ends up with him.For the past few days, weeks even, that's how I have been about the Trail. Here I am on the other side of the world, surrounded by people who know nothing about it, and frankly don't care much about it, but I want to talk about it. I want to relate something that happens now to something that happened then. I think about it in the morning. I think about it in the evening. I think about it in the middle of the day. At least every hour a view from some overlook, a night in one of the shelters, a passage up or down one of the mountains, a conversation with a fellow hiker, an experience in one of the towns passes through my mind.I'm infatuated with the Appalachian Trail.But no, because infatuation is based on an idea you have created about a person, not necessarily on reality. I have lived the Trail's reality. I have experienced its ups and its downs - both literally and figuratively. I've endured its hardships. I've rejoiced in its joys. I've triumphed over it and been beaten by it.I know the Trail. If not its entirety, I know its glory, its shortcomings, its joy, its bitterness. And still I long for it.This I know: Once the Appalachian Trail gets a hold on you it doesn't let go."I am now on the verge of starting my career, and I already find myself casually looking for shorter trails I could complete with some vacation time or a long weekend.  Thru-hiking is now in my blood.  As of now I can see myself hiking some similar trails in the future, though unfortunately it may be many years until I have the chance.  Oh well, take it one day at a time, eh?