Date: 2004-07-10
To: View Entry
Miles today: 0.0

What to say to mark the end of Tell it like it is¢ great adventure. I hiked and trudged 1500 miles through endless rain, through beautiful old forests, through towns, through hordes of mosquitoes, along gently winding rivers and to serene mountain lakes, through a foot of snow and to beautiful vistas. I cried, I laughed, I hated the AT, I loved the AT. I was truly alive, people were real, exposed. There was no escape from people I didn¢t like, people I loved were there one day and gone the next. Fluidity, dealing with change every moment, every day.At times it was a joy, other times a nightmare and yet something inside of me wanted to keep going, to keep the dream of Katadihn alive. In some ways it was a relief that I got sick because it made the decision to quit an obvious one of which I really had no control over. I know that after 1500 miles there was no way I would have quit unless something forced me to.   Ehrlichiosis did. It many ways I¢m thankful.I will always remember the people, the trail angels, my fellow-hikers. Simple acts of kindness meant so much. It¢s hard to leave them behind, to know I will probably never see them again. I feel joy, knowing they¢ve continued on but also sadness knowing my dream is over. So many mixed emotions. Thank you to all the people who¢ve helped me along the way, the packages, taking care of me when I was sick, helping me when I was hypothermic, making me laugh when I hated life, giving me strength when I was weak, giving me Little Debbies because you knew how much I loved them, letting me give to you. It¢s hard to put into words how much you¢ve meant to me. It¢s only because of you that I made it as far as I did.I didn¢t make it to Katadihn but I hiked the AT. I think it¢s that simple. I don¢t care about stupid definitions, about purist or blue-blaze labels. People always say it¢s the journey, not the destination and now I¢ve come to believe it. At time I found peace, other times such restlessness, knowing that the AT is not where I wanted to be but in the 8 or 10 hours or quietness everyday I was confronted with my thoughts, with things I didn¢t even know I still thought or cared about. There¢s something so physically simple about walking, one foot in front of the other, endlessly. Yet there¢s something so mentally hard. Maybe in this journey I¢ve become stronger, independent, something intangible that is hard to grasp but I know that I¢m different.So what¢s Tell it like it is up to now you ask. I took the train from Albany, NY to Montreal, then traveled to Ottawa, then Toronto and finally home to Edmonton. I still feel like crap, almost 3 weeks after I was in the hospital. I have a cough that won¢t go away and I still feel extremely weak. I think I¢ve actually lost weight since I quit the trail, it¢s probably a record I¢m sure! I went on a feeble little bike ride today, my first exercise since I quit the trail and I wasn¢t too tired so I have a bit of renewed optimism. It was nice to be outside. Recovery will be my job this summer. Real life has taken over...student loans, visiting old friends, getting ready to go to school in September. I miss the simplicity of the trail, life was easy then it seems. Paperwork has become my best friend and I hate it. Real life wouldn¢t seem so bad if I didn¢t hike. I will hike again though. I am already making plans to go back and finish the AT¢¦not this summer but sometime. I¢m trying to figure out when will be a good time. Hiking is addictive.So I guess that¢s about it for now. Keep in touch¢¦I¢ll try to personally respond to all who signed my guestbook¢¦be patient! To those who sent me packages or did huge acts of trail magic your picture will be in the mail shortly¢¦not the famous finishing picture but you probably won¢t mind. Oh yeah...a huge thank you to Hammock Hanger for the transcribing and my super-mom for doing the pics. You guys are awesome!Tell it like it is¢¦over and out.