Date: 2016-06-18
From: Home

To: Home
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: scattered clouds

I've recently seen or been in touch with so many who are close to me. Not feeling well enough to hike on a regular basis for such a prolonged period of time created lots of time to think about my AT adventure. I suspect that I'm experiencing some post-hike feelings that I've previously read from some successful thru-hikers who openly shared the difficulties they encountered in the weeks and months after they finished the AT. It is easy to reminisce about the spectacular people, landscapes, and experiences. They fill me with so much pride and cherished memories for where I've already been. In those periods, the adrenaline is flowing and I'm mentally overwhelmed with thoughts of getting back to the trail. And then, sometime later - sometimes, in just a very short time - I find my thoughts confronted by very different thoughts that seem to serve as a reality check. I've been away from the trail long enough to have taken off my "rose-colored" glasses to remember the physical and mental challenges encountered along the way. I've read so many times that post-hike you forget the difficulties or even find yourself loving those difficulties to the extent that overcoming those difficulties are ultimately remembered fondly. Themes about the AT being "all about the journey and not the destination" come to mind. It hasn't been easy to discuss these topics with family and close friends. I'll admit not being proud of my feelings and tone when discussing these challenging observations with Beth. It's been particularly hard sharing such thoughts with Subman, Fresh Ground, and Spirit of 76. A good number of thru-hikers intentionally avoid spending time in comfortable surroundings like towns so that they aren't weakened and increasingly vulnerable to surrender their dreams to creature comforts. Throughout my hike, I, more than many other hikers, took advantage of opportunities to stay in comfortable surroundings in a town or a hostel. I've increasingly become aware of how much I enjoyed the comraderie and social aspects of this hike. This awareness doesn't come to me as a surprise because I had read about them while preparing for this adventure. As my trail families and relationships formed, I felt those strong bonds. I don't think I realized at the time how potentially dependent I became on them. As I think about hiking more or less alone for extended periods of time, I'm currently not liking those moments as much as I thought I would or as much as I enjoyed them in the many weeks and months when my morning and evening found me surrounded by members of my trail family. I'm not sure where this is going. It is a journey. It is spectacular and it is challenging. Most say that the mental challenge of the hike far exceeds the physical challenge. Without question, I am aware that I've encountered increasing mental challenges about continuing this hike. Thanks for coming along with me. You are a part - in all honesty, an important part - of my trail family experience. Some of you have stated that you are with me as you are preparing for your AT adventure in the coming years. I thought I owed you my awareness of these thoughts as I come out of this bout with Lyme Disease. On a lighter note, I'll share another observation. My Mom always taught me to clean my plate and eat every bit of food places on it. In my younger years, she frequently reminded me of those starving people who lacked such food. Recently, I noticed I've taken such "cleaning my plate" to a whole new level as I now habitually use the tines on my fork to scrape my plate clean so that every scrap and tiny morsel are consumed.