Date: 2008-02-03
To: My Brother Richard
Miles today: 0.0

If it wasn't for my brother, I would still be hiking in my armchair. I don't remember when I first heard about the trail earlier, but a friend loaned me Cindy Ross' book, "A Woman's Journey" sometime in the 1980's. When "A Walk in the Woods" came out, my interest in the trail was re-ignited. I started buying other books and trail guides. I would vicariously hike using these and people's online journals. I would use Wingfoot's book and pretend I was hiking while reading in bed. At the beginning of 2000 my younger brother said let's go do it. He knew I had the desire and he loved the outdoors. At that time his main interest was canoeing and kayaking. We decide to go during my Spring Break in April. I bought basic inexpensive items of what I needed from REI and Walmart, and began breaking in my first pair of hiking boots. I've already spent years researching for this. We took his 7 pound 3-man tent. We started at Rock Gap in NC and hiked north to NOC. It took us four days to hike the 31 miles. I loved it! And at the time my brother did not.I began to do short solo section hikes because I couldn't get anyone to hike with me. Both my husband and my niece hiked with me one time each and hadn't wanted to go back. The wider hiking community seemed to be looking for faster hiking partners.Then one summer day in 2003, while I was hiking north from Neels Gap after staying at Walasi-Yi, I began thinking about doing a thru-hike. Could I? Would I? Yes! I began to plan the logistics. When I get back home I'll ask my principal if it's possible to take a leave of absence from April to October. Oh wow, I was so giddy with excitement. Then within the next 2 days I was tested by the trail gods to see if I was worthy. I twisted my ankle, surprised a bear with cubs, got pouring rain, got diarrhea in the pouring rain, had holes chewed by mice in my foodbag while it was up on the bear cables. So you want to be a thru-hiker, huh? Take this, take that! On Easter Sunday 2004 my brother, Richard, dropped me off at Davenport Gap so I could begin my thru-hike. He followed my hike with interest. I missed him by one day when he came by the ATC in Harpers Ferry to look for me. He was a truck driver at the time. Five months after I started my hike, he didn't recognize me from behind because I went from a size 14 to a size 6. I think the weight loss impressed him the most. He attempted his thru-hike in 2005. His trail name was 1/4 (Quarter)of the Way. We met up at DWG (Delaware Water Gap) in the summer to hike together. He got off the trail in CT with a hernia.In 2005 after Richard got his hernia fixed, he went to go work for the KRB company in Iraq. Besides collecting lots of money for hazard pay, one of the company perks was to send their employees anywhere in the world for R&R. Richard mostly stayed out of the States to avoid paying IRS. He had gone to the Philipines, Bangkok, New Zealand among other places.He was planning to leave the company this year and had one more R&R coming to him. He invited me to join him anywhere I wanted in January. I picked New Zealand. It would be Summer and I had heard about the hiking there. I bought my ticket and was set to leave on Mon.Jan.7. We were busy emailing back and forth to each other about where we wanted to visit and what we wanted to see. He went there ahead of me because of the conditions of his R&R. He emailed me that he would visit the casinos and rent a motorcycle before I join him and then we would go sight-seeing. On Sunday, January 6th, the U.S. Embassy called me to inform me that my brother, Richard, was tragically killed in a motorcycle accident in Christchurch, NZ. He was 44 years old.My world changed. There was no point in going to New Zealand now. My sister, niece, and I had a memorial service to plan. We were the only ones left in our family. I had death details to take care of. It has been a mess. We just finally received his urn this last week but I'm still waiting on his death certificates. It has been 4 weeks. I can't take care of his estate until I get them.I said all of that to say this. I still plan to do my thru-hike. But I need to plan on getting off the trail at any point to deal with legal estate stuff. As of right now I'm thinking of driving my car to the trail and get a shuttle to it whenever I need to get off. I need this hike now more than ever. It will unquestionably be therapeutic for my grief, and it will be a way for me to feel connected to Richard. I miss him.