Date: 2004-04-27
From: Carver's Gap

To: Doll Flats
Miles today: 10.7

I've come to relaize that I am never prepared for what the trail has to throw at me. I spend my time making plans, calculating milage, deciding where to break for the day and how much ground I want to cover but the truth is that I'm just along for the ride on this bus and someone else is steering. It was one of those days.Myself, Ludachris, Van Gogh, and Chef Ra were dropped off at Carver's gap around 12:30 with the intention of making it to Apple House Shelter - about 15 miles. I had a better attitude mentally and was looking forward to being back on the trail. We were dropped off near the top of Roan Mountain, well above 5,000 ft, and it was flurring tiny snow flakes as we got out of the van. Regardless, it was a beautiful sight. We spent the first hour of our hike rolling over a series of balds, which I always enjoy because they tend to offer panoramic views and today was no exception. I paused often to watch the low-hanging moody gray clouds moving quickly across the sky. I always lose the boys on the uphills, they just move faster then me, so we were separated within 30 minutes or so. I managed to catch them to get some water (I left my Nalgene at Miss Janet's) and then lost them for the day. I plowed along alone through the trail, reached a split, and without thinking chose to bear right. Next thing I knew I was at a dead end which as we all know is weird because there aren't supposed to be any dead ends on the AT. I remember, as I was squeezing myself through a cluster of dwarved trees, thinking to myself that some trail maintenance was much needed on this section, and the next thing I knew the trail dissappeared completely. I figured I had made a wrong turn and doubled back to where the trail split, heading the other way. However, I didn't see any white blazes, in fact I thought I saw red blazes instead, and the path itself was poorly worn - like it hadn't been well trodden. OK - I was stumped now. I walked back to where the path split and put my bag down to think this over.So I'm going to summarize from here so I don't turn this into a huge drama. I went back into the trees looking for the path. No path. Went back to the red blazed path just to be sure there were no white blazes. There weren't. Then I sat down a cried. Not like a little wimper or anything, I was alone for miles around so I absolutely bawled. Borderline tantrum. Big sobs and hitched breath and I even threw my cell phone down on the ground. I wasn't scared or worried about finding my way - I was just frustrated and tired and through with these little trials. That morning I had opted to have a good day and now I had lost the trail - at least 2 miles or so out of my way and the afternoon was passing by. I'd have to double back, I probably wouldn't make it to the shelter before dark, and I wouldn't catch the boys - who I'm sure would be a bit worried. I was just pissed - I have made plans and the script had changed right under my nose. I cried because I wasn't getting my way, I cried because it wasn't fair, I cried because no one was coming to get me, and I cried because I just needed to get it all out. I blew my nose on the ground and cried some more.Finally, after about 45 minutes or so I was all tapped out and returned to adulthood. I put my pack back on and began to retrace my steps. After about 30 minutes or so of not one white blaze I came to the point where I had lost my way - the trail had split and the sign that was posted to mark the split had been torn down. I never even saw it. It was 3pm. The day turned out alright after all. I ran into Zach and Willy Wallace who were pressing on to Apple House for the night and agreed to pass on a message to the boys that I had gotten a bit lost and would catch them at Kincora. I stopped into the Overmountain shelter for dinner and then decided to press on as far as I could before it got dark. I made it to the Doll Flats, a few miles before the Apple House Shelter, but not before I partially redeemed myself on the trail.As evening was setting there was a fierce cold wind that was picking up and I had another series of balds to traverse. I was ambivalent about crossing the balds in the winds, but then just went into attack mode determined that in this battle I would prevail over the trail. The winds were seriously almost blowing me over - I had to plug my poles into the ground at an angle as I walked to keep from toppling over with my heavy pack. There was really no where to topple to - it was a bald and not a cliff - but nonetheless it's tough to get up after falling over with your pack on. Plus falling over wasn't in the plans for that day and I was determined to have something go my way. I crossed the balds like a champ, fighting almost every step but not giving up or falling down. My injured pride was somewhat soothed and I made it to a camp sight at the Doll Flats with just enough light in the sky to hang my food bag and pitch my tent.Asleep soon there after. Was tired - the kind of tired you only get after a good cleansing cry.