Date: 2010-07-01
From: 501 Shelter

To: Port Clinton, PQ
Miles today: 22.8
Weather: few clouds

Oh my, how do I even begin? Today has completely kicked my butt, both physically and mentally. First of all, I think, due to some discrepancies between my Companion, Data Book, and map, that I actually hiked closer to 24 miles (and, trust me, on these rocks, a mile really does make that much of a difference!) but I pulled all my "official" mileage from the Companion, so 22.8 it is. Anyway...Let's see, the day began with me almost hitching straight down to Pine Grove, PA to go to a doctor, and soon regretting the decision to hike on instead. It later progressed to me thinking very seriously about going home from Delaware Water Gap and finishing my hike next year with Braids. It ended with me feeling much better (mentally and physically), but hiking almost 24 miles (23 officially) over insane rocks and hurting more than any other time on this hike. Whew!So, the first part of the day-as I think I've said, I've been sick for a few days, just a sore throat and minor head cold. This morning, however, I woke up feeling much worse, with a nasty cough and an eye that was bright read and had oozed all night. I hoped that it was just the cold virus infecting my eye (which has happened before), but worried that it may be pink eye. I debated on what to do-doc in Pine Grove right there, or 23 more miles (over 2 days) to a doc in Hamburg. By the time I was ready to go, my eye was already a lot better, so I decided to head on. I felt very weak and tired, and found myself stumbling a lot. At one point, I tripped and came very close to falling headfirst down a very steep, rocky part of the trail. Needless to say, that would have been very bad, and I felt I had made the wrong decision in hiking on out. I was already too far, though, and didn't want to turn around. The morning was just rough, and I spent much of it in tears.I started thinking about what I'd do if I got Mono, which Braids now has. Or Lyme's. This led me to the epiphany-if I'm not enjoying this last 1,000 miles of my trek at all, maybe the smart thing to do would be to go home and finish next summer with Braids. I no longer feel like the butt-kickin' solo hiker I was when I started. I thought about this all day, weighing different aspects of each choice. I decided that I would get to camp (at the shelter at 15 miles, or just past) and write it all out-list out all pros and cons, etc. I also realized that this comes at a good time, with my Dad coming up next week. Even if I decide today to go home, I still have a week of hiking to change my mind. I also talked to a few other hikers, and will forever be grateful to Fuzzy for listening and providing great insight.After a stop at Eagles Nest Shelter, where we found there was no water an decided to head to the next spring, 4 1/2 miles out, I somehow had a very sudden change in my outlook. I realized that I was rushing every bit of the trail now, always trying to get to the next destination, never enjoying where I am. About a week ago, I had planned to hike 8 miles into Port Clinto on Friday (tomorrow) and hike 7 miles out on Saturday. When it occurred to me, however, that I could save an entire day by hiking on out after doing my resupply on Friday. I decided that's what I should do. I started operating under the mentality that since my dad is coming to give me 2 zero days next week, I should make as many miles as possible between now and then. I had already decided this morning that I should go back to the plan of hiking out on Saturday, but only because I wasn't feeling well and may need a doctor. The decision was soaked in guilt. Well, I finally realized this evening that that's just plain stupid! I've been trying to get one and home as quickly as possible, and for what? So I can hate the entire second half of my hike? So I can make my high school reunion on the 18th? (Why do I care if I miss it?) Since I'm going to be away from Braids for three months, but then see tons of her all fall and winter (and on, and on...), does a week or two really matter that much? No! And she would say the exact same thing, if she knew I was making myself miserable.So, now I am looking at everything from a different perspective. I am not giving up on being an AT thru-hiker. If I can't enjoy it, then yes, finishing with Braids next year probably makes the most sense, but I think I've just been looking at it all wrong. Now I'm excited for a night at the Microtel with Fuzzy tomorrow and lunch or dinner at the Cracker Barrel. Woohoo!The spring we were headed for last night was dry, and I was out of water, so we decided to truck it on in to Port Clinton. The last few miles of trail were absolutely awful! I barely stumbled into town and down to the pavilion where hikers can stay for free. I hurt horribly, but have a lovely day ahead of me tomorrow.Note-I almost met Freeman tonight, one of the warmest people I've ever met. I'd heard wonderful things about him, and he really is that great! Good people make the world go round...(My world, anyway!)