Date: 2008-05-08
From: Damascus, VA

To: Knoxville, TN
Miles today: 0.0

Had to actually leave the vortex of Damascus today. Too bad it wasn't to do any hiking. But, it was almost as adventurous -- and dangerous! Parkay took me out to Marion to drop me off at the local greyhound station. I was making the 4.5 hour ride to Knoxville, TN and the first 0.5 hours went by rather uneventfully. However, short reprieve would come to an abrupt end with the entrance of a lady -- who we will call passenger X. Passenger X was what I would call, in my best efforts to be politically correct... crazy. She was an older black lady who had obviously seen better days and may have been intoxicated to boot. All this would have been irrelevant given the fact that I did not know the mental capacity or intoxication levels of any other passenger -- except for this particular passenger, X, talked incoherently and incessantly, to herself, anyone that would listen, or even those that would not listen. Given that she was strategically located directly in front of me (as in the seat that my knees touched) I had the pleasure of listening to her ramblings for hours. Literally. After many complaints and some altercations with other passengers and the bus driver himself, she was warned over the intercom to keep quite or she wouldn't make it to Knoxville. Of course, this only got her riled up some more and although she took it down a notch for approximately a minute she quickly returned to her previous antics. Well, the gentleman to the left of me -- across the isle and next to the window -- was past fed up and this wasn't just any gentleman. This particular gentleman, passenger Y, was nearly three times my size -- meaning he had to be at least 4 times that of passenger X. Passenger Y seized the opportunity: "You just need to shut your mouth lady." Passenger X became exceedingly upset and responded with every explicit word that I do and did not previously know existed. Her four letter words were usually in two letter word form -- but for some reason after failing to comprehend all of her previous rantings I could now distinctly make out these particular phrases/words/terminologies. The back and forth exchange heated up and climaxed with the mentioning of someone's "mother". We all know not to bring anyone's mother into a heated conversation. It was, of course, passenger X who had made the tragic error. It was, of course, the 300 pound passenger Y, who took offense and decided that wringing her neck would suffice as an adequate and justified response. As the rest of the passengers looked on with great interest -- every single one of them hoping that passenger Y succeeded in his mission, I took great pity on passenger X's plight; she would not stand a chance against this particular gentleman (who was no longer acting the part of such) and before he could get his hands around her neck I decided to act as a blockade of sorts. I leaped into the isle (as I had prime location to either be a deterrent or a victim to the punches, hair pulling, eye gouging, and possible neck wringing). And, we all know how intimidating I am. I only hoped that with my back to passenger Y he would think at least another second about taking on passenger X. The effect: pure shock, I think. The rest of the passengers were watching the events unfold like it was the season finale of their favorite show. Not one really bothering to help. I suggested a change of seats and to my dismay every time I could get her calmed down enough to sit back down and begin gathering her things, passenger Y (who was in close proximity to MY neck) would antagonize the situation some more. On it went until finally the driver and THEN other passengers, of a larger size and girth, intervened. After a brief stop on the side of the interstate to take control of the situation the bus finally made its way into Knoxville where the police were waiting. I was called stupid by the gentleman sitting behind me and advised that my actions could have had a much more grave outcome. Probably. True. Oh well. Oh, I am now in Knoxville.