Date: 2004-09-10
From: Rutland, VT

To: Rutland, VT
Miles today: 0.0

Today was zero #55 and this journal will be short. I awoke early, planning on leaving today. I attended the group¢s morning ¢gathering¢. There was singing, dancing, time to share what God put on your heart, and time for prayer. While it was nice, something did not feel right. After the gathering I walked to the hostel with Jonah, one of the members. In discussion I found out A) that they do not believe Jesus was God when he died for us, and B) It is essentially assumed that if one does not give up their possessions to live in the community/join the group, they are not truly laying down their life for Christ. It¢s frustrating to see a person talk with a passion but seem to have the truth so distorted. Between conversation with Jonah and Masharet I realized just how much my faith would not meet their ¢standards¢. While I have enjoyed my stay and while the group has been loving, I am growing weary of conversations.I escaped for a while this afternoon to the library. I was able to pay my bills now that my Dad updated my account. I also went for a walk and called home to let my Dad know all was well. When I returned to the caf© I found 3 friends: Seraphin, Chris, and Katie. We all chilled in the caf© for a while and then went on a walk. We talked about hiking, about whether or not ¢12 Tribes¢ is a ¢cult¢ (yes, though nice), and about much more. We visited a cheap bookstore and walked around before Chris and Katie had to leave. At this point I knew I was zeroing. Seraphin and I finished the trip at the library. We had fun there. We tried to find Karaoke in Rutland but could not :-( . We did however find the answer to my nagging question: What is the difference between a lake and a pond? A lake is usually larger and deeper. Specifically a lake has multiple temperature layers while a pond has one temperature. Also plants can only take root near the shore of a lake, but across most of a pond. I¢m a dork, but the library trip was fun. When we returned to the hostel, a note was there for us that we should meet at the ¢gathering¢ for the start of ¢Shabbat¢. We headed to the house and were of course quickly welcomed. The beginning of the Sabbath is traditionally festive and includes a feast. The time was fun, the music more upbeat, even more fun dancing than this morning. Then we ate fish, mashed potatoes, and pudding :-) . While it was fun and the food excellent, I still could not shake the feeling that I did not belong. As things winded down I was eager for an evening walk. I finished my evening with a quiet night walk. I prayed. Eventually I passed a bar and walked in to see the football game (FSU lost :-) ). While there I played a game of pool with myself and had one beer. While completely within moderation, I cannot help but think these actions would be deemed a heinous ¢sin¢ by the group. Maybe I am incorrect, but I do not see any problem with watching a game, having a beer, or playing pool if it is not an idol. Still part of me felt guilty, but not guilty to my own beliefs. By about 11 p.m., I headed to the hostel. There at the hostel I crept in with stealth. Now I¢m under layers of blankets in my bunk. I¢m glad I have a God who reads the heart and creates us to experience joy. My experience here has been full of love, intriguing, new, and thought provoking; and boy, am I ready to leave.God Bless, BEATBOX   ttt