Date: 2006-03-28
From: Standing Bear Farm

To: View Entry
Miles today: 0.0

Sitting out early in the morning with a cup of coffee on a bench by the fire ring with last night's dead ashes, listening to the creek running over Jeff's home made "waterfalls." It's Tuesday and I'm writing about yesterday's events. Nothing to do yet but keep my leg elevated and think about Tennessee. I know that recouperating is all part of the hike experience and part of my personal hike. We talk about hiking and look and act like hikers, but I can't hike. I know the trail is behind me and ahead of me, but I'm not on it. That's about today. Now for yesterday.Another cold Smoky's morning. A cup of coffee, cheese crackers from my food bag and a banana that Jeff picked up for me in town. The sun was bright and the chill lifting fast. I did lots of chores for me before getting started with anything here at Standing Bear. Sun means airing my sleeping bag, drying my pack and shoes. Except on a bright sunny day, everything is always a little mosit and soggy. Did some first aid on my feet. Can't hike without them. I'm trying to keep the loose nails in place and free from infection. Calluses are dry and cracking from lack of use. I got my last set of journal entries ready to mail to Jess. Writing is easier without numb fingers.Curtis and Jeff are putting a porch on the cabin. The cabin is mostly for couples who don't feel like sleeping in the bunkhouse. Once in action, Underground and I got to work digging out bushes in front of the kitchen. Threw the dead one in the fire pit and moved the live one to a little spot by the privy. I think we were turning up soil where the old pirvy used to be. Undergound has an artistic eye and we arranged the shrubery just so. Even though I'm off trail to mend my leg, to me work for stay means working. The leg is priority one, but I really haven't paid enough attention to it. Sitting around with an ice pack on my shin somehow feels wrong, but that's what I really need to do. After parking myself and my ice on a bench for a few minutes I decided to take advantage of the natural surroundings. There's a creek running straight throught the middle of the property. To keep busy, Jeff has piled several lines of rocks across it forming pools and small waterfalls. I eased down the bank to a flat rock to soak my leg in cold mountain water. Curtis pulled out a stool so I could sit in the middle of the creek and stay dry. Perfect therapy. I'll keep doing it in the few warm hours of the day. My personal to do list included a call to L.L. Bean to replace my shoes with defective soles. I spent 15 minutes with a customer service rep doing her best to help me out, but she just couldn't find the make and model number for what I have. After employing one of my few well-developed skills, sweet talking phone people, I got thru hiker Dana on the line. He did the trail 15 years ago.I have to stop. I can't sit here writing yesterday's story and fill another page with quaint observations of the "thru hiking life," about local color about all the trail characters and loving the grit and grime and sipping moonshine by the fire. I'm immersing myself in all details and hiding from facts. I'm afraid that my hike may be over. After everything, after the research, the gearing up, after leaving my job and selling my car, after physical and emotional preparation, after finally settleing in with Andrew and then saying goodbye for the next six months, I'm afraid that it might be done. It's been way way back in my mind. I shoved the thought deep when I was inching through the ice and snow and pain up in the mountains. I want this so badly. I've given up so much to make it happen, been so proud to do so, but it might be over. People go home with this injury. I've been great at cheering myself and will keep trying. I've only been off trail for a couple of days but I know how long it takes to recover. Shin splints from running have kept me off the road for a couple of months at a time. Running only takes an hour or so out of the day. Hiking is the whole day.I'll keep doing what I'm doing and do my best to take care. I hope it's just the funk of a cold gray day. I'm not a quitter, not with something this important at stake. OK it's afternoon now. Chalking up the last little screed to the weather, being overtired, and, yes, to some worry. Got into action and picked myself up. boulder