Date: 2003-08-12
To: View Entry
Miles today: 0.0

Well i know i still have about 10 more entries to put on as well as hundreds of pictures (i know i know, soon enough). Its all in the process of coming up.      Well adjusting to every day life has been more difficult than i anticipated. At the end of my hike I felt ready to come home, to see friends and family and to begin a new chapter in my life. I left Maine and Katahdin feeling content and proud of my accomplishment, but ready for this saga to come to a close. But no matter how hard I try and refocus into "normal" life, i'm constantly brought back to life on the AT. I've finished catalouging my 400 photos into albums, with labels for all. I've found myself actually day dreaming while looking at the photos, going back to indivudual days, concentrating on what the air smelled like, what was behind that mountain and who i ran into that day.    One day I actually looked through ALL of my profile maps, trying to envision myself sloggin over this peak or that one and descending that long ridge into town.    I thought with the shaving off of my 5 month long beard and hair, and retirement of my trusty EMS trail runners that I could hang A-Train up on a shelf, for good, or atleast until I ventured back to the AT or another Trail in the future. The truth is, that is a part, a crucial one, of my identity. I feel like A-Train is a more dominant player than the old Alex, one that comes out in every day life, One that is dying to be back on the AT.   I tease myself daily while looking at friends and strangers trailjournals, reading they're accounts, looking at their pictures and seeing their friends. I see posts from excited and inquisitive newbies on the internet, and remember being in their shoes, just 5-6 months ago.    I miss the lifestyle. Sure im glad when it pours that i've got dry clothes and shower, and that thank god, air conditioning is in the house. I admit there have been times when i've been out shopping, or in the city somewhere and thought, 'damn i wish i could urinate right here'. It was so easy back then.    I went back to the AT last week. I drove to Mohican Outdoor Center in NJ. I met 2 southbounders and spent half the day with them, chatting, eating and swimming. I also hiked 2 miles up the ridge. The thing that killed me most was turning around. Worrying about when was the appropriate time to turn back brought back terrible memories from my life as a day hiker. Thru-hiking was beautiful to me for many reasons. One of them being the adventure and lifestyle of constantly moving forward, never having to retrace steps, never having to wonder what is over that next mountain or in that valley. It is such a great feeling, to keep moving and never return. As the SOBO's probably admired me for finishing and being DONE, i wished more than anything i could be in their shoes, moving on, with everything on their backs, not knowing where they would lay their heads that next night.    I've found myself doing little silly things to revisit memories. I started listening to Dar Williams and Indigo Girls, artists i would never give a chance normally. Listening to the songs bring me right back to the campfires in Maine where Chicken strummed her guitar and poptart accompanied, with all of us sitting quietly next to the shelter, reflecting on the days adventure. Every day was a new adventure, something unexpected happening.    If only i could curb my appetite....more to come on my after-hike thoughts. Thanks to all the readers.