Date: 2007-08-06
From: Wintturi Shelter

To: Rutland VT (Long Trail Inn)
Miles today: 20.0

So, I'd heard that the next emotional battle would begin around days 30-40, and sure enough, it's right on time.The internal debate is this: All I do is walk. Every day. All day. And there are 100 different things I could be doing, things I want to do and maybe should be doing. Soooo, is this really how I should/want to spend the next 3-4 months?It hasn't really hit me THAT hard (yet). That is, I haven't really considered quitting, and I'm definitely stronger than I've ever been. However, Peace Train HAS been hit bad. He's told me he's considered quitting, isn't having as much fun as before, and is coming up with more and more reasons to end it all early.I've gladly accepted the role of moral supporter, have been coming up with reasons NOT to quit, and genuinely want him to stay on the trail, even if we were to split up.The whole issue has forced me to consider what I would do if I found myself alone again. The conclusion I've come to is that it would either take me off the trail completely, or send me straight to Springer.I know I'm the stronger hiker of the two of us, but we're putting up killer miles and it would be heartbreaking to see him go. Again, anyone reading this would be absolutely amazed at the strength of bonds between relative strangers on the trail together, especially when you find someone you mesh well with.I can tell my overall mindset has drastically changed in the last week. I knew from the start that I wouldn't make it unless I could think from the perspective that hiking IS my life, IS my job, IS my reality for this semester. It's finally starting to sink in that I'll be hiking today, tomorrow, and a month from now, which makes getting started every day that much easier.Several physical changes have also helped: I no longer get sore. 20 miles a day is just toooo easy. I can no longer smell myself. My pack no longer feels heavy -- in fact I walk awkwardly without it. My high-performance endorphins make me feel intoxicated all day long (consequently I now get D-R-U-N-K off 2 beers).However, for some of these same reasons I haven't even tried to approach a girl in over a month, and between my hideous facial hair and TOTAL loss of "manners", I seriously doubt I will survive another three to four months without ripping out my nappy wisp of blended hair in frustration. Nobody told me about that aspect of the trail, and for good reason, NOBODY WOULD HIKE IT!Whether or not I sleep well determines if I'm going to have a great hiking day, and it's always a gamble. Snoring, bugs, uncomfortable sloping rock beds, and chipmunks crawling over me in my bag, make me long for the nights in a first year dorm (which I used to detest). Almost every night that freshman year you would hear Esteban (my roommate) yapping in two languages on three phones until 4:00 in the morning.I miss home and my family. I'm constantly worried about injuries.I hate blasted bastardardly blackflies.Every morning I put on wet, cold socks that change color and grow stiffer every passing day with the disgustingly horrible amounts of sweat that pour into them. Oh, and I loathe feet.Why do it then? For nights like tonight. After 20 miles in rain and wind, we stopped at the Inn at Long Trail. I got a hot shower. I am wearing dry, clean clothes. I spent the last hour sipping Guinness and contemplating life with two ultralight hiker chicks who get drunk off of equally few beers and are as lonely as I am.I ate like a king tonight, will sleep soundly in a warm bed, and after a hot breakfast I'll pound out 30 miles tomorrow and show these hills who's boss.I'm not worrying about bills, jobs, TV, my role in society, looks, what anyone thinks of me, popularity, ¢¦., in essence the hustle and bustle contests of normal life.This is where I belong, and it's going to take more than a little pain and suffering to stop me now. By the end of the day tomorrow I will have hiked 500 miles. Yeah bitches!Thanks for reading.   ~ ObiePS: yep, 30 miles tomorrow just because I can