Date: 2008-05-13
From: Amicalola Falls, GA

To: Springer Mountain
Miles today: 8.5
Weather: few clouds

I don¢t really consider 10:15 an early start.Today is my anniversary! I¢ve driven down to Amicalola Falls State Park this morning to celebrate. Five years ago today I started my attempted thru-hike. I¢m calling it a personal holiday; I purposely took the day off work. (I say purposely because I had to schedule it into my Outlook calendar to remind myself to rearrange my usual Tuesday client calls.)See, four years ago today I was on a fjord cruise up the longest, deepest fjord in Norway¢Sognefjorden¢and riding the Flam railway. When I realized the date and made the connection I pledged to always do something to celebrate the date I embarked on a journey of authenticity.Maybe that¢s being overly dramatic, but my hiking experience was really such a symbolic step for me of becoming myself. Despite advice to the contrary, I went ahead and did what my heart was calling me to do, and I became a stronger person for it.So far since then, I¢ve only half-heartedly celebrated the day one other time, three years ago when Trail Days in Damascus happened to be on the same day and David and I went. So this year, I purposely took the day off work. =)Five years! Where does the time go?!Well, I arrived at the park at about 9:45, perused the Visitor¢s Center, then drove to the top of the falls to begin my trek. I planned to hike to the top of Springer and back. Starting at the top of the falls rather than the Visitor¢s Center cuts off about 1.2 miles; I¢m okay with that. As it is, round trip the hike will be about 15.2 miles. That¢s extreme enough a celebration.I walked down to the overlook and took a picture¢probably the exact same view in the picture my mom took five years ago¢and called Tim to let him know I was starting out. He didn¢t answer so I left him a message.¢If I have service, I¢ll call you from the top!¢ I said, ¢¢¦unless there are people around who will think it¢s obnoxious.¢It¢s so intriguing to me how certain sections of the Trail have stuck in my mind¢¦ The spring you cross on a little wooden footbridge at the base of the first descent. The curve of the Trail where I saw a hunter creeping through the woods with his rifle slung over his shoulder when I¢d come down to surprise Bono and hike in part of the way with him. The place, with the Trail cut into the Western side of the mountain, where we stopped because I was cold and put on our hats, and Bono gave me a piece of his chocolate. I remember this spot because he took a picture of me, and we could see the sun setting through the trees off to our left. The steep, rocky, rooty section just before where we camped. And, of course, the place we camped. I was freezing so he hurried to get a fire going. And in the morning, we said good-bye, intending not to see each other again for a long time.With Tim waiting at home, I feel almost guilty recalling these memories, but I¢m not trying to. They¢re just rolling back to me as I come to the spots I recognize. The memories are a part of my past, a part of who I¢ve become. And they make me so grateful to have Tim now.Then there is the top of Frosty Mountain, with the odd cement block things where Matt and Summer and I rested and I photographed the butterflies that had landed on Matt¢s backpack. And the one sharp switchback to the left, near the top of Springer.There were butterflies out today, too. One flew along the Trail ahead of me for a few moments and I imagined it was inviting me to follow it as it flitted off down the embankment on the left.Other sections of Trail I have absolutely no recollection of at all. I must have been in such a foggy, distracted state of mind the day Matt, Summer and I hiked Springer. I know I¢d only had about four hours of sleep, preceded by the most stressful weekend of my life, so it¢s no wonder I don¢t remember much of the hike up. I remember being awed by the greenery¢most of the hiking I¢d done up to that point had been among leafless trees in the fall and winter. I remember vaguely noticing with regret how much pathetically slower I was than Matt and Summer. I remember getting to the top, suddenly, as you do around that last corner, signing the register and taking a few pictures, then proceeding to the shelter where I went almost straight to sleep. When I woke up Matt said I¢d been snoring.I couldn¢t have picked a better day for hiking. Today the high was about 75, no humidity, no haze, not a cloud in the sky, a slight breeze. Absolutely beautiful. I basked in the sunshine, the fresh air, the nostalgia, the gratitude for memories and choices made.I reflected on my Trail experience as I hiked today. I was trying so hard that summer. I was trying to be good, trying to be spiritual¢¦ I wonder if trying so hard contributed to my failure. Maybe that¢s one of the reasons I didn¢t make it all the way, because all the trying took so much emotional energy! Then again, it was less than halfway through that I stopped trying and sort of just gave in to my weaknesses, so maybe not. On the other hand, maybe if I hadn¢t given in I would have been stronger¢¦ Who knows. Analysis now doesn¢t make much difference. Regrets don¢t make much difference. You live and learn, move on and do better next time.And you know what? Today, I didn¢t even care that I didn¢t make it the whole way five years ago. Everyone I know admires what I did, and most of them think I did hike the whole thing! Hiking 1200 miles is no small feat, and it¢s more than the majority of the population will ever do. And the experience¢I¢m not sure I can even put into words what it still means to me. I will probably be trying to for the rest of my life.That said, there is still a part of me that still wants to be a thru-hiker¢¦With a few short breaks and one long one to filter some water, I made it to the top in three and a half hours. Five years ago, it took us five hours. Granted, I was carrying about 40 pounds that day, today less than ten. Still, I like to think that Hephzibah at 31 is fitter and stronger than Hephzibah at 26! My 5k training is paying off!I kept telling myself that I¢d stop to take more pictures on the way down¢though actually it¢s not that scenic of a hike¢that I just wanted to get there and make sure I could make it the whole way, then take my time a bit more on the way back. But actually, in all honesty, part of what I enjoy about hiking is seeing how fast I can get there. I suppose more seasoned hikers will look on this attitude with a knowing smile; it¢s supposed to be about the experience, not the destination. Maybe the enjoyment will shift for me with age, too. But for now I like the challenge. I like to hike fast.As usual, I clipped right along on the flat and downhill stretches and then had to downshift at the first sign of an incline. There were several places I had to stop and rest every couple hundred steps, but for the most part the hike really wasn¢t that challenging. You always hear about the approach to Springer being such a beastly hike, but even five years ago I didn¢t think it was that bad. It¢s not even uphill the whole time; I find it quite amusing¢and frankly, exasperating¢how you can manage to climb a mountain when half the time you¢re going downhill! Or vice-versa¢how a descent into town can involve so much climbing! It just reinforces my Trail Rule #1: Never believe a hiker who tells you ¢It¢s all downhill from here.¢I passed only three hikers: one young guy who didn¢t seem very talkative so I didn¢t try to initiate a conversation. I learned later from other hikers that he was finishing a southbound thru-hike. Kind of an odd time of year to be finishing a SOBO, but whatever. The other two were women who were staying at the Hike Inn. I stopped and chatted with them for a few minutes. They were quite friendly and had only good things to say about the Inn. I¢d like to do that sometime. I¢m going to tell Tim that if he ever has the urge to take me away for a romantic weekend getaway that¢s a place I wouldn¢t mind going!Near the top I saw what I thought was a hawk alight on a distant tree branch. When I got closer it turned its head and looked at me; it wasn¢t a hawk but an owl. I got several shots¢at full zoom on my camera, so not the highest quality¢of it¢s owlish eyes looking at me curiously. Other than that I saw only squirrels and chipmunks in the way of wildlife.When I arrived at the top I was greeted by two other day hikers and a Trail volunteer who has evidently been camped out at the top of Springer for more than two months. He explained that when he hiked ten years ago he became the oldest SOBO thru-hiker on record. Now, he¢s 78.The four of us chatted for a bit, took pictures for each other, and I walked a ways up the Trail to call Tim and let him know I¢d made it. ¢I¢m happy for you,¢ he said, ¢Proud of you.¢ I was rather proud of myself!The day hikers offered to drive me back to my car, having parked at the forest road .9 miles north of Springer. Now, under ordinary circumstances I would never get in a car with two strange men! But hikers know the Trail community; we¢re quicker to trust each other, and more trustworthy than average. I made sure Tim knew about what time to expect me to call from my car. When we got to the car and I put my daypack in the backseat, I unhooked Matt¢s trusty Smith & Wesson knife from my pack and put it on my waistband. Just to be sure. (Not that I¢d really know what to do with it if I was in a situation¢¦but maybe that comes to you in the moment! I just remember Matt¢s straight-faced advice, ¢Hold it like this, aim for the thigh, and twist.¢)When we got to the car, one of them said, ¢Hey, you want a cup of coffee?¢ So he broke out his jetboil and brewed us some coffee that we drank as we drove down the mountain. They were both firefighters from Naples, Florida. One owns property in Ellijay, the other was on his way back from his property in New York and they met up here to do some AT hiking. They dropped me off at my car and we bid good-bye; then I realized I hadn¢t even offered to give them some gas money! The New Yorker was the one that drove, and he was talking the whole time about his rental properties in New York and Florida, his four trucks, etc etc etc¢¦ He probably needed the gas money less than I do, but nevertheless, it would have been polite to offer! Oops. Part of me would have liked to hike the 15.2 miles, but when they offered the ride I thought, ¢Why not? I got to the top, I¢ve enjoyed the wonderful weather, I can go on and do something else with the rest of my day.¢ So I satisfied myself with 8.5 instead. Probably a good thing; I would have been really tired if I¢d gone the whole way!Instead I drove up to the Amicalola Lodge¢another place I¢d like to come and stay sometime¢and around the cabins, down to the base of the falls and back to the Visitor¢s Center again. Then I called Tim to let him know I was on my way home.As much as I would have loved for Tim to be gung-ho about taking a day off work and coming with me (though his current job doesn¢t really allow for that very easily), or for that matter, gung-ho about going on an extreme hike on the weekend, it was empowering to go alone. I used to take off and drive places by myself all the time¢to the beach when I lived in California, to Oklahoma City when I lived in Oklahoma, to Greenville or wherever since I¢ve lived here¢but since we started dating we go places together. Which is the whole point, of course, and what I longed for when I used to alone! And now there¢s just something about and going and doing something by myself now and then that makes me bolder, stronger, more authentic. It keeps me healthily independent and makes me happy.I¢m really glad I went.