Date: 2004-03-26
From: hot springs

To: hurricane gap
Miles today: 9.3

i'm still at elmer's in hot springs. i did a southbound slackpack today for 9+ miles. what is that? someone drove me to hurricane gap and i walked south back to hot springs without a full pack. bluff mountain outfitters let me use a day pack for free so i didn't have to cart around my 3 pound pack with just water and food.i did this to see how my leg/knee was doing before marching off into 5 days of forest with my 38 pound pack. a lot of the trail today was downhill so it was a good test of my body's abilities and also a test to see if i could go slow enough to not hurt myself. speed is addictive. there should be a 12-step program for 3 mph hikers.the hike started out great. i was really present and in the moment with my steps. i easily changed speeds in response to my knee's pain sensations. i kept myself in the green and really enjoyed the outside air and sun hitting my skin.all was good until i saw a sign that said "hot springs 5.9" and then looked at my watch. a quick calculation said i'd arrive in town very close to 5pm, which is closing time at the outfitter and only ATM in town. i needed money to pay for the inn and tomorrow's ride to hurricane gap. i felt the structure of a schedule come over me and a tightening of my muscles. i started to move faster. my leg, now getting into uncomfortable territory, started to send those familiar pain signals. i then remembered something that ron and andrea said last night on the phone, "pain is denied joy".this was powerful to notice -- the linkages between hiking, time, distance, schedules, and joy. as soon as i created the schedule (seeing the sign and doing a quick time computation) i immediately pushed away the joy (sweetness) i was feeling from the experience and started feeling the denial of that joy in my knee -- pain.why do i do this? no clue yet... it's a patterned response that i do all the time in the working world. i hate schedules. my reaction to them is stress. i do better without a deadline looming over my head. this pattern has spilled over into my hiking life and it is quite easy to see now... and see it's effects.so where did the joy go? does it vaporize? no. it is still there... it is always there, but i chose to push it away when faced with a schedule i didn't want to see. i can move quickly and have a pain-free experience too, but it seems i won't let that happen if time is in the mix.this is just something for me to work on in the days ahead. i need to remember that pain is denied joy and to receive the joy that is there no matter what i'm doing. it's is a pretty engrained pattern for me and i hope i will have the patience to play with it as i hike along without a set schedule for the next few days.i slowed my pace after meeting lars who was nobo. he said i had plenty of time to reach the outfitters. when i got down to the train tracks it was 4:20 and the store closed at 5pm. plenty of time.at the outfitters i tried on some new boots. seems when i hike for a while, my toes expand and get pressed against the sides of he toe box. i bought some non-goretex garmont shoes and green superfeet. i almost feel bad because it felt like an impulse buy. but, i figured what better time to buy shoes than when my toes are swollen?i sent my old boots to miss janet's in erwin just in case i didn't like these shoes after 4 days of walking in them. i'm back on the trail tomorrow morning. wish me luck.P.S. thanks to all who responded and gave information about healing my knee problem. thanks!P.P.S. grey fox, i don't know how to get in touch with you but i am interested in your offer to slack from carvers gap to damascus. i'll probably be at miss janet¢s near 3-30, and carver gap near 4-1. got to stop at kinkora for a box though. if our schedules line up that will be great.