Date: 2009-01-18
To: Welcome Back Life
Miles today: 0.0

Well Happy 2009 everyone!!! Hope you all are gearing up for the next round of journalists¢¦it¢s almost hiking season again!My mother (who has proclaimed herself to be my ¢manager¢) has demanded that I post a journal entry. Even in email, she got that motherly tone across, so we all know¢¦don¢t piss off mom right? So where is Certain in re-entry right now? First off¢¦.I¢m not convinced I¢ll ever be FULLY reintegrated like I was pre-AT. As soon as life starts getting to be, well¢¦life, I find myself wanting to trash the current plan and start planning another few months out on the trail. The kicker is that I¢m also tired of being broke, so that¢s not going to change unless I stick it out here. (Although, I¢ll admit¢¦.a SERIOUS conversation has been occurring in this household about a 2010 hike of the Camino¢¦.in Spain!)Karen and I had a BLAST on New Year¢s Eve, as we drove down and met up with VigilAuntie and Y, as well as Sprite and Freckles for an all-girls New Year¢s Eve gathering. My face hurt from laughing so much and it was great being around hiker trash again. I¢ve also enjoyed a visit from a future AT hiker (she should be starting in a few months I think), who is learning to be a hanger! I¢m going to take care of her journal while she¢s hiking, so be on the watch out for a new journal starting by a woman named Wendy. We had tons of fun testing 3 different types of alcohol stoves (and yes I KNOW I still have a full gear review to do¢¦.just need to get the flow of my current life down and it¢ll be here). We also did a pack shakedown and it was a blast going through her gear. I¢ll NEVER stop being a gearhead¢¦.I swear.Life kicked into high gear again this week though. I started back to grad school and am really struggling with being excited about it at all. I¢ve attended all 3 classes once now, and of course the point is to ¢make me think¢ and ¢search within myself¢, etc. etc. Well I have to tell ya, I spent 10 damn months (total) over the past 2 summers THINKING and searching WITHIN myself¢¦.I don¢t have a lot of energy left for that anymore, and am instead feeling like I¢m being dragged and forced to receive the education that at one time, I¢d get so excited about. I see it as a pure and total sign that I am indeed, ready to get my hands dirty and get a career started, but leaving this degree left unfinished with only 4 classes and a project to go¢¦well¢¦that¢s just stupid. So, I decided I needed to find balance. And how did I find balance?Well, BOTH Karen and I auditioned for the cast of Eve Ensler¢s ¢Vagina Monologues¢ and can you believe that we BOTH made the cast (we literally found out last nite)!!!!!! For those of you who are not familiar, the ¢Vagina Monologues¢ is performed world-wide on university campuses, community theater¢s, etc., and all of the proceeds of every performance are donated to local organizations in an effort to end violence against women and girls. Folks¢¦you have no idea how excited I am about this. Not only is this the perfect outlet for my activist soul, but it serves a purpose right in line with my career goals, to serve the women¢s community and provide opportunities for empowerment. So, if anyone wants to come see us (along with 11 other great women), the performances are February 19, 20, & 22 at the University of Virginia. It will be an amazing performance, and if you live near a university¢¦..I¢d almost bet a performance is happening there, so go check it out. Other news is that I am in the process of deciding what type of format/style I want to make my book. I¢ve decided on where to go/how to do it, and now this current decision will determine how much of an investment I have to make up front. I¢m really leaning towards a color paperback that will allow me to have some color pictures in it, but that will drive the price up for anyone who wants to buy it, so I did want to let you all know that the ball is definitely rolling, but I¢m taking the time I need to make the right decisions about what I want.   I felt like I went from 0 mph to 80 mph in just a few short days, and I am not used to adhering to deadlines, schedules, assignment due dates, or having to ¢contribute¢ to class discussion. Folks, I actually had to go out and buy a freakin day planner to keep track of my life again. I hate that really. It¢s a sign that a certain boundary has been crossed, one that means my brain is no longer capable of keeping up with it all, and this all just makes me smirk and roll my eyes really. I think I¢d be more positive about it if I really believed this degree would open some doors for me, but I¢m not really convinced any degree will open any door at this point, and yet, I know this is what I am supposed to be doing. I was thinking the other day though. Life on the AT certainly has its own unique set of challenges and not-so-fun tasks to deal with, but even some things that appear as unknowns are actually known in its way. For example, getting to the next town for resupply. You can¢t always predict when you¢ll get there, but short of death, you¢ll get there by either hiking, riding in a car, or riding in an ambulance/helicopter. Even within a hiking day, I never really knew if I¢d make it where I ¢planned¢ on going, but I knew I¢d end up sleeping somewhere in the woods that nite because simply put¢¦.I had no other option. I HAD to sleep in the woods if no other way out was possible. We¢re rarely faced with limitations, in their purest form, in real life. It seems there¢s always a choice. I can choose not to go to class, I can choose not to pay my bills, etc., and for a pretty long time¢¦.life will go on as normal. On the AT though, you don¢t really have that much flexibility with some choices, because bluntly put¢¦.you risk dying. So, if it¢s freezing cold and I¢m tired, my life depends on expending the energy to set up camp or at least get into the shelter in dry clothes and my sleeping bag. If I choose not to do this, I could die and will only increase my level of misery. I miss the clarity of my life on the trail. It was both the easiest and hardest thing I¢ve ever done, and I¢ve realized that choice is both a gift and a burden at times. And even with all this said, I cannot pretend to be anything but incredibly fortunate, for having the life that I do. Perspective folks¢¦.that¢s where happiness lies. ~Certain