Date: 2013-02-22
To: The importance of introspectionÃÂÃÂ¢ÃÂÃÂÃÂÃÂ¦..
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: light rain

Good afternoon dear readers, The last few months, I¢ve had some great conversations discussing the importance of doing what makes us happy, in addition to other weighty (and not so weighty!) topics. I was very touched when someone told me I inspired him to change his life in a certain way in order for him to be happy, after I announced I was changing mine with this hike. Recently, the same person rightly pointed out that I tend to hold people at a distance. He is spot on, as I¢m definitely more on the introverted side socially and happy to be a ¢homebody¢ in my front-country life. Case in point, I was actually jotting down my thoughts and notes for 1-2 weeks prior to starting the journal, and in retrospect I find it somewhat strange, but typical for me, that I needed a transition between slowing down to hear my own thoughts to start to share them with the hiking community. Over the past several years, I¢ve found it really helps me to write out what keeps niggling in the back of my mind, particularly those thoughts that are anxiety provoking. Then it¢s out in the open so to speak and I can stop harping on it (hopefully!).   This past week, the universe has also been hitting me over the head to pay attention to the mental preparation needed for this hike. First was the ¢Appalachian Trials¢ book I mentioned in my last post, with the author¢s great suggestion of making some key lists to keep yourself motivated (read the book!).   I¢ve also been part of the womens ¢Wild and White Blazing¢ teleconference group that Zipper ¢09 put together last fall (shout out for her business, check out http://livingwildandprecious.com/), and our discussion yesterday evening focused on the mental aspects of successful thru-hikers. Needless to say, it¢s caused me to pause my zooey to-do list and think more about these topics in the past few days.   For me, this trip is also an opportunity to reconnect more with the community around me.   I¢d love to make some new true friends, as I've spent too long in a rut by not fully engaging with others unless it is convenient for me to do so. While I¢m excited to do this trip solo, to prove to myself that I can handle anything thrown my way, I am worried about the potential lack of companionship. Definitely a dichotomy pulling me in both directions. I've never lived by myself since my senior year of college, and does that even count in the dorms?   Oodles and oodles of experienced hikers have told me that a ¢trail family¢ develops (and often redevelops) quite organically, but I have to admit to some anxiety about that process ¢ it¢s not specific enough! I admit it, I¢m a control freak, as those close to me can certainly attest. Even though I experienced this trail family experience for myself on my solo shakedown hike last autumn with the group that ¢adopted¢ me for the weekend, I still have doubts. Geez, it¢s like the first day of a new school or workplace again, will people like me?? I¢ve lurked on this site since 2007, and remember a journal from a few years ago where the person I was following stopped her trek because she was too lonely.   I¢m secretly afraid this will happen to me. Or, rather, that I will allow this to happen to myself.   I¢m somewhat nervous about the physical aspect of this great journey, since I¢ve been comparatively out of shape for a decade and I know the trail is hard to do (climbing Mt Everest 16 times ¢ oy), but short of a broken leg being a definite GAME ender I truly think I¢m prepared to be physically uncomfortable. I¢m more ready to face the physical challenge than the mental challenge at this point ¢ in fact, I¢m looking forward to maybe losing some more weight and living an active lifestyle. I¢m committed to living an active lifestyle going forward, on the trail and off, and I¢m thrilled to have the opportunity to have this transition period in my life, I feel so lucky. For what I¢m thinking will be my main mental challenges, I¢ll say this ¢out loud¢ so that not only can I use this to keep myself accountable but also that my new community can bear witness: 1) I will not quit on a rainy day but will go into town for a zero or two. 2) I will not quit when I¢m by myself. 3) When I¢m thinking about quitting, I have to give the trail another section before I give myself permission to leave.   Also, how embarrassing would it be to have done all of this preparation, leaving the job I love, to take a once-in-a-lifetime trip that I¢ve been dreaming about for years, only to quit because I couldn¢t mentally hack it? Not me! Word of the Day: Penultimate ¢ next to lastToday ends my penultimate week at work! Exciting, but truly surreal.