Date: 2004-09-09
From: Rutland, VT

To: Rutland, VT
Miles today: 0.0

I¢m Beatbox and I live on grace. I¢m all but broke, I¢ve ruined my credit, and I have all the time in the world to think about it. Instead I forget it and walk further. I¢ve learned to focus on the positives not the negatives. Here are the positives: I have friends who care about me. Every day I¢m surrounded by beauty that is awesome as long as I choose to look at it. More people pray for me than at any point in my life. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose. I have something though, but what I have isn¢t made of material. I have hope. I have a God who loves me and promises to hold me¢¦and that costs nothing. For every hardship I grow stronger, with every step I move closer. Not closer to a big mountain in Maine; but closer to losing my reliance on myself, closer to letting go of my stress, closer to really placing ALL of my trust in Him. I have someone to lean on. I don¢t live for things and I couldn¢t afford those things even if I did live for them. I sense a destiny that towers before me. This trip is but a large metaphor for that destiny. I am certain that God has more for me. The more I walk the more I face and the more I hurt. The more I walk the more I¢m blessed by sheer beauty and unimaginable kindness. When I reach my goal I will have only just begun. I won¢t remember every view, every climb, or every person I¢ve met. I will remember who made those views and who it was who carried me. Every time I¢m down He picks me up. There is no mountain too big. The trick is to keep taking one step at a time, to keep getting up when I fall, to never lose my focus. The big question isn¢t whether I will make it, but what will I learn from the climb? I fall more than anyone I know, but still I¢m here. I love this walk because I know where I¢m going. Why would anyone walk if they did not have a destination? I could finish the Triple Crown and still not know why I am walking. I thought I was walking to reach a mountain. I thought I would escape, I thought I would find all the big answers, I thought I might fall in love, I thought it was all about me. Instead I¢ve learned so much more and found the one thing that is more important. My walk feels pointless unless I focus on Him. I¢m only here because God has carried me. My source of joy isn¢t the miles I¢ve covered but rather who has covered me when I¢ve walked the miles. I¢m still headed to Katahdin, and if I make it it will be due to more than my heart, more than resolve, more than money. I cannot wait to see the majesty of the Whites, the splendor of New Hampshire¢s Autumn Foliage, or the sign that will truly be a huge milestone for me. Yet even when I stare at that sign I will have a much larger journey before me. My celebratory cigar will burn out, but the love of the one who has carried me won¢t. Neither will my passion for Him. Today was zero #54. While I did not plan it, I also did not plan on the remnants of a hurricane. In order to follow ¢the plan¢ I will now do a half day into Glencliff, New Hampshire. I awoke around 7 a.m. and talked with Mark, who I shared the hostel with, about hiking. We had a nice discussion and I said goodbye before he left. I had breakfast and then chilled at the caf© journaling. Throughout the day I would enter religious conversations and then resume writing. I love the people here. Around noon I went to the library. That¢s when I found out no money was in my account. At first I freaked out, but then I stopped.I was still being worried as I went back to the hostel, where I found Tombstone, Peanut, and Underhill. We talked things out and they encouraged me. I went to the Laundromat to wash my clothes; that is where I wrote the first 6 pages of this journal. I sat down to wait and started reflecting on how God has carried me. In no time at all I was crying in the Laundromat. Deep down I know God is awesome! I have had numerous discussions here at the hostel. I do not agree with every tenet of this small religious community, but my time has made me think. In my life, I want to be pure. I want to die daily to sin and live for God in everything. I want my entire life to be focused on knowing Him and living for Him. Still, I don¢t want to scare away others. I want His love to be apparent in me as I live as a sacrifice for Him. After my deep Laundromat time I called my Dad. He forgot to put money in the bank and apologized. He immediately went to the bank and fixed the issues. Then we just talked. We discussed the Bible and specific topics the 12 Tribes have discussed. We also talked about home, local sports, my hike, and more. It was like talking to an old friend. I said hi to my Mama too :-) . I love my family. Now I¢m finishing dinner and soon I will peel 6 cases of bananas to earn my keep at the hostel. A lot is going on in my heart right now. I feel blessed & I look forward to returning to my walk in the woods. Until tomorrow, God Bless,BEATBOX   ttt