Date: 2016-03-19
To: View Entry
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: light rain

I miss sleeping outside.I miss my stash of ziploc bags.I miss the purpose of walking all day, following the blazes, closer and closer to Katahdin.I miss all of it. ALL OF IT. Spring is awakening in me that craving for the wilderness.A huge part of me just wants to get in the car and drive south and start all over again. Who wouldn't want to relive the best adventure of their life, right?Real life is confining. I live according to the needs, desires, and schedules of other people as much as myself. On the trail, I controlled almost every aspect of my life - when I woke, where I slept, hoe many million M&Ms I devoured in a day. Some days now, I feel my life is not my own.Am I being a drama queen? Of course a little. ADULTHOOD IS HARD.Things are looking up, though, I really can't complain.I got a job. Which will last unless they decide they hate me and kick me out. I've started part-time but there is the potential that after a few months I could take on more hours (I am keeping my fingers crossed here, I NEED A LIFE. I NEED PURPOSE. I NEED TO STOP ROTTING AWAY IN MY MOTHER'S BASEMENT) and become full-time. Like a real adult. Imagine that.Anyway, I like my new job. It's even related to my major. Finally, my million-dollar degree (maybe a slight exaggeration there) has paid off! I'm working for a land conservation nonprofit. Driving to Hartford sucks, but my boss is wonderful (she buys me chocolate), there is a dog in the office, and potential for some job growth. It is a million times better than being unemployed (which should have been fun but was too stressful because job hunting is seriously miserable horrible fatteningly depressingly frustrating).So there. My life has become boring and regular and predictable. Wake up, run, drive, work, drive, eat dinner, eat 300 mini M&Ms, sleep, repeat. Life.In the back of my mind, though, plans for the next adventure are unfolding. In a few years, I can save up enough money for something awesome. I'll just be that lame person who lives with their parents forever. I am starting to be okay with this. IT IS A REALLY GOOD THING THAT MY MOTHER REALLY LOVES ME. And that she and the Pizza Fairy are willing to house me.Although if they kicked me out, I would have an excuse to live in the woods.JUST KIDDING. I love being a productive member of society.Anyway, as usual life has taken an unexpected turn. Everyone always tells me, "You'll figure it out.", " You'll find something. " and I sigh and resignedly confess, "I know. I just wish it would happen NOW."I like my new job. I love the potential and hope it pans out.There will be a next big adventure. It might be the CDT, or the PCT, or the Bibbulmun Track. It might be true love (I am freaking kidding. I joined an online dating website and lasted two days before I got sick of it and deleted it. I now aspire to be a cabin hermit. Red Panda needs her space.) OR it might be something totally off my radar, which is usually the case. I only set my sights on the AT like four months in advance.I wear my 2000-miler patch proudly. The AT has become a part of who I am, and who I strive to be again. Never underestimate the freedom of spirit a simple walk in the woods can provide.I miss it, but am thankful for a new phase in life, new opportunities to learn and sink and figure out how the heck to keep on swimming.I am also thankful for the people who keep pulling for me, providing kind words, encouragement, and patience. I don't have much of that last one. I'm still working on it, I promise.