Date: 2008-08-31
From: Bethel, ME

To: Bethel, ME
Miles today: 0.0

Oh, what a great nite¢s sleep. Woke around 8 and knew I needed to get up andget busy. We went down for breakfast first. The Norseman advertises they havefree wi-fi in the rooms. Well, that depends on how far away you are from thelobby, and there¢s 2 buildings, so we had to go into this cozy living roomthing so I could get on-line. Only problem was the music was like Rod Stewarttrying to sing jazz standards (why do all people that sing think they can singanything?) and then that annoying song, ¢Butterfly Kisses.¢ Sorry, I must notbe in a sentimental mood, but that song drives me insane. Karen just laughedat me¢¦and pointed out it was probably my non-morning self calling the shotsright now. I think she was right.I had gotten 2 days behind on journaling¢¦so had to catch up on that first. Forthose of you who have done this hike, I¢m sure you understand how hard it is tokeep this up¢¦especially when you¢re exhausted at the end of the a hiking day.I¢ll admit, there are days I feel like I¢m held hostage by the documentation ofmy hike, but at this point, I¢d be SO pissed at myself if I didn¢t keep it uplike I¢ve always done it. So, a lot of time is spent writing, but I know for afact it will have been the best use of my energy out here for when I¢m sittingback in my living room at home, watching the leaves turn, welcoming winter andthen the coming spring and facing the fact that I am not going to be on the ATthe next time spring arrives. So, here I am¢¦journaling again.It¢s about noon right now, so I¢m doing today before most of the day hasunfolded, but I need to finish this up so we can go resupply. We¢re also goingthrough Karen¢s pack and getting it ready for her.I wanted to touch on something today that A.M. and I were discussing 2 days ago,on our way up The Arrrrrm (I like to think of this being said with a boomingmale voice with reverb). I told her I¢ve noticed there are 2 kinds of people.The kind (like me and her and V8) that when we have a hard day or aren¢t feelingwell¢¦we talk about it, we have no problem admitting we¢re not having the besttime of it right now. Then I¢ve met people out here that refuse to admit thatanything is hard, hurting, bad, uncomfortable. I was thinking about this inthe context of athletes. I know some people need a mental edge and admittingthey are having a hard time is almost harder than just avioiding it and dealingwith the problem. I mean, out here, if you¢re hiking with others, I sort offeel like you owe it to your hiking group to keep them informed, because if yougo down¢¦.guess who gets to deal with it¢¦.your friends. Your friends also wantto help, and I learned from hiking with A.M. and V8 that it¢s nice to be ableto share the burden of a hard day with other¢¦and for me, it¢s a little easierto deal with something if I know I¢m not the ONLY one having a hard time.A.M. pointed out that not admitting you¢re hurting or having a hard time is justa form of denial. And then I realized she¢s so right, but once you go there, somuch MORE energy is expended on keeping that denial in tact. I mean, when Ihurt my foot way back at mile #300 near Erwin, TN. I did not want to admit Iwas hurt, because if I did, that meant I had to face the unknown of possiblyending my hike, how do I handle an injury, how much time to I take off, how doI get to a doctor, and suddenly, all of these questions have to be addressed.Sometimes, if feels easier to just tolerate the pain, tell yourself, ¢It¢s notthat bad,¢ and just keep doing what you know. Sort of like how women inabusive relationships often choose to stay in that unsafe relationship overleaving, because the familiarity makes them feel safer than facing the unknown,even though in the long run, they are probably more unsafe staying with anabusive partner (by the way, domestic violence is not just a heterosexualproblem in case anyone had never thought of this¢¦it happens in same-sex couplestoo¢¦both men and women).Our brains, our ability to rationalize, the way we face life¢s roadblocks is sointeresting to me. I think, for one¢s personal safety, it¢s best (out hereespecially) to be aware and willing to listen to your body, because without it,you can¢t do this everyday. I do understand, however, admitting to othersyou¢re having a hard time also makes you feel vulnerable, and that¢s anentirely different bag of worms.Anyway¢¦major tangent I know¢¦just some stuff I¢ve tossing around in my head.The office of this inn closes from 11-2, so now I¢m sitting in a screenedgazebo, sun shining, light breeze, Karen is next to me reading. It¢s abeautiful spot for sure. Lovely Maine day again.   My stomach is gettinghungry again. Oh¢¦I¢m starting now to change my eating habits in town mainly,so when I get off the trail it won¢t be such a shock.I¢ll admit, I¢ve somehow (to my complete disbelief honestly) gained some weightout here since Vermont. I know I¢ve been taking more days off and eating likea maniac in town. I¢m a bit pissed because my body can¢t totally be trusted tobe the machine that so many people¢s bodies turn into. My metabolism must be soslow, to have been hiking basically since the end of April, and only in the pastmonth have I been going crazy in town. I know I know¢¦I¢d love to tell myself,¢Oh..it¢s muscle,¢ and yes, part of it is, but I also know my body and I don¢tfeel as lean as I had been before. It sucks really. Makes me wonder what it¢sgoing to take to maintain my healthy body weight (no, I¢m NOT an advocate of theculturally accepted movement of the anorexic look), when I do stop hiking. Iguess I¢ll face that when I get there, but I¢m trying to make healthier choicesin town now and not eat so much. It¢s all about balance¢¦..but then again, mostthings in life are¢¦aren¢t they?~Certain