Date: 2005-02-10
To: Mimi na kupenda wewe.....
Miles today: 0.0

Mimi na kupenda wewe............ That means "I love you" in Swahili, and I said to every child I saw. Even the ones that peed, poo-ed, and even worse, bit me! So, last night, after our Swahili lesson, I talked to Fulgence, one of the men that works with CCS. Andrew did opt out of Kilamahewa School, and I just think that is where I belong, so I asked him if I could go there. He said "Of course! You can go anywhere you want to!!", so we made plans for me to go back to the orphanage today and to talk to Sister Immaculata so that she would know what I was doing. When we dropped off Andrew for his last day at Kilamahewa, I looked at the school and knew that I was doing the right thing.With a deep breath, I headed for the orphanage and another day of babies. Today I went directly to the playground and spent the morning under a pile of babies. It was great! And, yes, I am covered in all matter of things, but it doesn't matter to me! There is a special needs boy, Phillipe, probably about two years old with a huge smile and big giant eyes. He makes a bee-line for me whenever he sees me with arms open wide. Then he proceeds to grab my hair and pull as hard as he can! One of the nurses (they are actually all young teen-age girls that live at the orphanage) actually walked up to me and handed me one of my hairs that she had pried out of a babys hand! Lucy is a little girl with braces on her feet and an old yellow party dress that someone, probably from America, donated to the orphanage. Eric is the color of latte, has huge golden eyes and is the one that ran up to me yesterday when I got out of the van. There are thirty more babies tumbling like puppies in this yard of dirt, dust and a few dilapadated playground items. A couple of them are scared of the mzungu, (white people) but most just want us to wrap our arms around them. I sit in the dirt with my arms wrapped around as many of them as possible singing, "Twinkle, twinle little star..." to them. I whisper over and over, "mimi na kupenda wewe....mimi na kupendo wewe...", as they lay in a jumble in my arms. Each time I feel a tiny hand on my arm or stomache, I just hug them all tighter. After ten or fifteen minutes, they get up to play and a new batch moves in. My heart is broken into a million pieces. After potty time, (for the most part completely unsuccessful because they had already all peed on me!) we all washed our hands and went inside for milk, and then, lunch. Once more. I took care of feeding Michael. As he ate, I alternated snapping and clapping behind his head to check to see if he was deaf. One of the women at the CCS compound is a doctor and she said that deafness was very common with infant menengitis. He responds beautifully though, and after milk, I take the opportunity to try and manipulate his left arm and leg. The sisters said that at first he could not hold his head up at all, but now he can, so I think there might be some hope for further mobility. It is not much, but a little movement couldnt' hurt. The end of lunch signals the approach of the CCS van for us, so I went to find Sister Immaculata. She was nowhere to be found, so I ended up talking to one of the other nuns. Before I could get a single word out, I just started crying. I feel completely torn in two. I try to explain to her through my tears that I just feel called to Kilamahewa School, and that I love Upendo and the children, but that I think that I am doing the right thing. I have only been there two days and I am devestated. She was wonderful and said that I could come any time, not just in the morning like normal, so I felt a little better. If I can split some of my days between the school and the orphanage, I would be happy. Emotionally, this is all just completely overwhelming....... After a quiet ride back to town, Christy and I had Simon drop us off in Moshi. I need to change money and send email, so here I am. I am going to attempt a bit of shopping before going back for another Swahili lesson. Another day in Tanzania is passing quickly.