Date: 2015-10-05
To: View Entry
Miles today: 0.0

Today was a weird day.It started with bad news. Sad news. It's always terrifying when someone you know dies. You think (or at least I do), "That could have been my dad. Or my mom. Or me." And you feel so badly for the family of the person who is gone. And it hits you how impermanent life really is. And if you're me, you have a little bit of a panic attack and think "WHY DO I WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT CHOCOLATE WHEN MY PARENTS MIGHT BE GONE TOMORROW?!" and then spend the afternoon trying to call your dad.What's the best thing to do on an emotional day? I find that going for a hike usually helps me feel better.I haven't had a lot of time to hike lately, though. Trail Mentor Alexa has been kind enough to employ me with a painting job the last two weekends, so that I could work to supplement my intern income. On top of my internship, I have been kept very busy. I don't know how Alexa does it. My commute to work is about 2 minutes... but she has to drive over an hour every day, and work ten hours in between. Things have been going well, though. Acadia is beautiful, as always. The students have been, for the most part, wonderful. Adjusting back has been smoother than expected. Except that I hate being inside. And I hate sitting around. Both of these have not been good for my job search, since I itch to get away from the computer so much. Next weekend will have more free time, which means, hopefully, that I will be productive.But today... today I got to hike! Since it was my only day off this week, it was also chore and errand day, so it was busy. Therefore, it wasn't a long hike that I embarked on, but it was a good one. I went up the Precipice Trail on Mount Desert Island. I was surprised to find that my legs are still SO STRONG. It was easy to climb up that mountain. I mean, I was still dripping sweat and gross and disgusting... but I was surprised at the strength that I have retained, despite the fact that those muscles have mostly fallen into disuse. BEST OF ALL, THOUGH?My knees bent so easily! My toes weren't numb! I was amazed at my body's recovery. It was kind of weird that I expected pain and stiffness. But for the most part, that wasn't the case. Hooray!Following blue blazes wasn't like following white blazes. The mindset of a day hike is so different of that of thru-hike. Being out there was still wonderful, though. As unmotivated as I sometimes am, I always feel so much better once I get out and am active.The hike made me realize one thing more than anything else: I miss the walking. I miss the THINKING. I miss having that time to myself, where I'm not worrying about food or employment or money, and I'm just thinking about the trail, and hiking, and the past, and the future... thinking, but not worrying. I have always been a bit of a worrier. I think that the trail has helped that. I haven't been as freaked out about the fact that I don't have a "next step" lined up in life. Something will fall into place somehow.LIFE HAS BEEN SO BUSY. I got to talk to my mom today for the first time in nearly a week. I think I actually talked to her more when I was hiking than I have since I started my internship.I confessed to my mother that I bought a HUGE bag of crispy M&Ms when I went grocery shopping today (it was $6! So cheap!). She thought it was HILARIOUS when I also admitted that I had realized how TERRIBLE of a mistake it had been to do so, and then had driven back to the store and returned it. The girl working at the customer service desk looked at me like the crazy person I am when I explained that I had decided that I really didn't need to eat that much junk food. Seriously. My 5-lb weight loss goal keeps shifting. At this point I'm still at the "try really hard not to eat like a hiker" stage. My wonderful mother, bearer of good news to cheer up my day, informed me that my 2,000 miler patch arrived today. I saw Alexa wearing hers yesterday, which made me smile. Soon, I will affix my own to something (a pack,or a jacket, I'm not sure what yet) so that I can wear it.The Aussie Legs sent me a picture of Firebear on the Bibbulmun Track. I am starting to investigate the working holiday program more. It might turn out that I end up putting off real life again, and take a trip to Australia... If I think that it might be feasible to make enough money there to pay for plane tickets, and to be able to save up enough to hike the Bibbulmun Track in its entirety, I might do it. WHY NOT, RIGHT?! RED PANDA NEEDS ADVENTURE.Mom actually encouraged me to go for it, which kind of surprised me, since it feels like I am always abandoning her. Maybe she enjoys my adventures as much as I do, even when I make her send me 25 boxes of junk food Anyway, today's update in summary is: My body is doing well. My diet is atrocious. The future is uncertain. I miss my family but have my Maine family here, too.I am thankful that my family is healthy, because sometimes I get so afraid, when I haven't seen them in a long time, that I may never see them again. I am thankful to have amazing friends here (they even help feed me!). I am thankful to have a comfortable place to stay - even though it's not home, my family is not too far. I am thankful to be living and working in a beautiful, gorgeous, amazing park. I wake up and it takes everything I have to drag myself out of bed and go for a run in the morning, but when I am out, and the surf is crashing next to me, and the trees crowd overhead to shade me as my brick feet stumble and bumble along the trail at a slight jog, I breathe in a deep lungful of air and am just THANKFUL.I am really thankful to have a bed because I am so freaking tired all the time lately.