Date: 2010-04-07
From: Standing Bear Farm Hostel

To: Roaring Fork Shelter
Miles today: 15.4
Weather: overcast clouds

Today has been a roller coaster. I have experienced soaring highs and crushing lows, I already wrote a bit about Molly yesterday, so I'm going to shoot for pure honesty tonight. As you surely figured out, my friend Molly died on Friday. I found out when my mom told me yesterday, and later that day I spoke with two very close friends who were very close with Molly. Today I spent most of the day hiking by myself and processing. I have moments of peace with Molly's death, but much more often I found myself hiking up the trail in racking sobs, gasping for air yet still putting one foot in front of the other, not knowing what else to do. It feels odd to write these words, because the emotions have been so raw, but now I write about them in such an analytical way. I listened to the book I've been listening to for several weeks, finishing it today. The last several chapters were very emotional, too, and I couldn't listen to them without crying. They brought to the surface all of my pain, sorrow, and lack of understanding over the loss of both Molly and Casey, who left us on March 11. I can't make sense of it all. At several different points in the day, various moments of my past with Molly flashed vividly through my brain. Some of these were wonderful memories, some harder to think about, but all made it so much harder to accept that I'll never see her smile, hear her voice, or read another encouraging, loving word from her. I don't know what else to say or think or feel, so I'll try to move on to the highs that were also a big part of my day. For many years, reading and learning about the trail, I have heard stories and seen pictures of Max Patch, a huge, high bald. This is one of the many places I just couldn't wait to see for myself. It was everything I dreamed it would be! I hiked up around 5:00 in gorgeous weather. There were high, wispy clouds, but the sun shone brightly. Being up there was almost surreal. As I crested the summit and could see those enjoying it, I spotted iTrod standing with two other backpackers and a couple in wedding attire. My very first thought, from way off, was that the female hiker reminded me so much of Persistent, a 2007 NOBO whose journal I thoroughly enjoyed, and with whom I've been in touch online. I quickly laughed at the thought, knowing that she lives far away (Michigan) and wasn't on the trail this year. As I hiked closer, though, iTrod excitedly introduced me to none other than Persistent and her husband, Eric! This was such a magical moment! They're just out hiking from I-40 to Hot Springs, and the timing was perfect. We've been hanging out and chatting since. After a long, amazing barefoot break on Max Patch, soaking in the sun, I hiked with iTrod on to Roaring Fork Shelter, 2 miles past. I am here with iTrod, Longhaul, Persistent, Eric and Big Medicine. Only Big Medicine and I are in the shelter. It's lovely to have such a small, fun group after the crowded shelters of the Smokies. I think I have further cemented my plans for the next few days. I had planned to hike 15 miles tomorrow to the shelter just south of Hot Springs, but I think that especially if we get the forecasted thunderstorms tomorrow, I'll just hike the 18 on into town. I'll find a place to stay tomorrow night, and then Persistent and Eric have offered to drive me to a road crossing 15 trail miles North of town after they get in Friday morning for slackpacking back to Hot Springs before Dad gets in Friday night. Assuming I stick to this plan, we'll spend a glorious zero day together on Saturday, and then he'll drive me back to the same road crossing on Sunday. I'm so excited for the next four days! Postscript, April 7, 2011: Max Patch will always be a magical place for me. I've been there twice in my life (the second time three days after this journal entry) and both times have serendipitously met someone very important.