Date: 2006-08-09
From: Welcome Hostel

To: Eliza Brook Shelter
Miles today: 17.0
Weather: clear sky

I'M STILL EXCITEDThat is the thought that my constipated mind was trying to get across to me.(See 8/7) Even after 1700 miles, when I woke up this morning I was ready tohike. It didn't last long. Leaving from the Hostel the Trail is poorly markedand quickly becomes a steep climb. After only a mile I stopped to take a breakat a shelter. I was confused. Well, confused isn't the word for it, angryprobably is. Not at the Trail or the scenary or any of that stuff, but at stupiduncontrolable things. I would like to think I'm a fairly calm guy, and I soonfound myself trying to figure out why I was so mad. The things I was mad at werethings I would never get mad at before. Then I got worried, so many hikers lately have been talking about beingpsychologically done with the Trail. They don't enjoy it anymore- they're justhiking to finish. Is that what I've been doing? Am I just hiking out of some form of muscle memoryor because I have nothing better to do? I searched my feelings, hoping thatwasn't true. I feared that just because I didn't want it to be true didn't meanit wasn't. Ok- start from the beginning- every problem to be solved in stages. (Something Ilearned from Jason Bourne.) First- Asssume it is true. Assume you aren't havingfun anymore, what then? Quit? "NO!" My inner voice of strength (Which I've cometo refer to as Grey Fox) "I AM NOT GOING TO QUIT!" People who know me might saythat wild horses couldn't drag me away from this trip. I say that I'm sodetermined that wild horses are worried about me draging them away from stuff.Alright- then if I don't want to quit, how do I get rid of these "Doldrums?"Have I stressed myself out to much- tried to do too much mileage or been tooworried about money? Well, with 50 zeros days total now, I think I know what itmeans to be about the smiles and not the miles. Money? No, I've already had toborrow money from my parents twice, and even though I don't like to, I know Icould do it again if I had to.I thought all of this while climbing Mt. Moosilauke. About halfway up, I stoppedfor a snack and a break."What is it that's giving me the Doldrums?" I wonderedas I sat there for a few minutes. Then the thought I stated came to me, literally on the wind. A breeze blewthrough the trees and I looked up, all other thoughts forgotten as I saw andheard the simple beauty of wind in the spruce trees. I thought about howbeautiful it would be at the top of the mountain, then it hit me. I'M STILLEXCITED. That answers that question then. These Doldrums aren't psychological, so logicwould have it that it must be physical. I must be missing some sort of vitaminor mineral- most likely I'm low on protien.I ran out of my protien powder and resupply in towns haven't had much in the wayof protien- so I probably just need much more. (I've mentioned this before- butI think I need even more.) When I told my parents this, (a few days ago) it wasamazing how quickly they worked to help me. They've sent extra mail drops andbought more protien powder (The first of which I'll get later today.) It wasamazing how much they are working to help me, almost primal. Parents working toprotect they're child. If possible it makes me love them more, but I don't thinkI could love them more.I guess I should get going, I'm writing this on Moosilauke, and still have manymiles to go before I sleep. I may be down and out physically, but I'm more happythan ever to be out here.