morvasaaty/AppalachianTrail-LD-Hikers-Blogs-and-Weather-20-years huggingface dataset:
Date: 2003-02-16
To: Where's the Love?
Miles today: 0.0

So I don't feel like I'm getting much emotional support from my parents on this. A couple weeks ago my mom said if I didn't have someone to go with me, I'd be doing it "over her dead body." Yes, that's a direct quote.Many people react with concern at the idea of me doing it alone. Somewhat understandable, but would they rather I sit at home and wait until I'm attached to a man to pursue my goals and dreams? I take issue with that on several counts. 1) How will I meet a worthwhile man while sitting at home waiting? 2) What worthwhile man is attracted to a woman who sits around and waits? 3) What if I never decide to attach myself to a man? (Not that I don't want to, I'm just waiting for a man who deserves to be as happy as I can make him!) 4) If I do, what if he has different goals and dreams? (I suppose then he wouldn't be the right one...) I guess we just grew up in different generations.More recently my parents are concerned about how I'm going to do it financially. (Which to be honest, I'm still not quite sure myself.) My mom suggested it would be easier to do once I'm "established." That's funny, most of the people I've talked to about it have said, "What a perfect time to do this, when you have no obligations! Now is the time, before you get tied down." Seems to me there is never an "easy" time to take a six-month hiatus from life and walk 2100+ miles. It's a matter of priorities.I know they mean well. It's just hard to feel their love through what I perceive as so discouraging.The funny thing is, the more the the idea is opposed, the more determined I grow.
Date: 2003-02-27
To: Hmm...
Miles today: 0.0

I feel kind of embarrassed. This is a little late in the game, I should have done this a long time ago, before I began broadcasting my plans to thru-hike the AT this summer. Planning ahead has not heretofore been my forte.As is my tendency to do with most everything else, I left this minor detail until nearly the last minute: In an effort to really get serious about how much money I have for the AT and beyond, I sat down and tried to balance my checkbook the other day. Hmm...it doesn't look good. Like a naughty child, I turn my head for a few minutes and it gets out of control. The last couple of months I have not been monitoring my spending very closely, and it appears I don't have as much in the bank as I thought. Add to that some "unexpecteds" that have come up recently - car repairs, ER bill, etc.What to do now?
Date: 2003-03-03
To: Surrender
Miles today: 0.0

Up to this point in my life money has always come from "somewhere" - not always from my own efforts. Unfortunately, perhaps, I have not ever had to develop and stick to a budget because there was always going to be a cushion to fall back on. Once I graduate in May, that cushion will no longer be there.Thank God. I DO NOT WANT THAT CUSHION ANYMORE, from any direction. It's way past time for me to be "on my own", and I am ready. It's just that it may be a little uncomfortable for awhile...and yet, while a little nervous, I'm even ready for that discomfort. I almost feel I need to learn the hard way or I won't learn at all.What does this have to do with my hike? Everything. It means "it's a go" or "there's no way I can do this right now."On paper, it appears "there's no way I can do this right now."That means mom and dad are right.Oh, how bitter it is to have to admit that.So I surrender it to God - again something that should have been done from the beginning. "God, what do YOU want me to do this summer? You know my desires, You know my dreams. If those are not in line with Your will, I surrender them to You." Then I "happened" to read Psalm 32:8 - "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."I face the fact: I may not hike this summer. I'll be disappointed, but I trust God to lead me to do the best thing for me.I'm not giving up; I'm just surrendering. I'll still work towards my dream, but I'll keep my eyes and ears open to His direction, watch for doors opening and closing. He has made things possible for me in the past when they seemed impossible. I believe He places dreams and desires in our hearts, and He'll make this one a reality if it is supposed to be.
Date: 2003-03-05
To: Shakedown
Miles today: 0.0

...in the Smokys. My longest trip yet, five days. Physically and technically challenging, spiritually and emotionally rejuvenating. Over roughly 45 miles, we climbed approximately 8143 feet. I have now conquered the highest point in Tennessee and on the AT - twice! We had everything from spring warmth to mist to rain to fog to snow to ice. We forded rivers, crossed streams, climbed mountains, descended hills. I almost drowned crossing a river, almost broke my arm falling on slippery rocks, almost froze near Clingman's Dome, and almost gouged out my eye running into a tree branch. All this in only five days. Imagine what I can accomplish in five months!A most exciting highlight was finding a legendary AT Class of '03 souvenir - a note left by Rocket to Bono atop Clingman's Dome. We fished it out of the kiosk and I brought it home.And I saw a wild boar.What I learned:- I can plan and execute a major backpacking trip.- pack about three-quarters of a pound LESS food per day.- the trash bag method of backpack waterproofing isn't the greatest - no leaks, but the trash bag gets torn every time something goes in or out of the backpack.- any trail named "_______ Creek Trail" likely means numerous river crossings in the winter.- nothing is as peaceful as the quiet of the wilderness.- boots are great, don't have to worry about slogging through mud.- I'm experienced enough to learn from.- I can do days at a time of extended mileage.- no matter how many miles I've hiked that day, if I eat a lot and then go to bed it affects my sleep quality.- I need a ThermaRest.- I need a warmer sleeping bag.- five days of "hiker funk" isn't so bad.- I am capable. I am tough. I can do it.
Date: 2003-03-15
To: So Much Left Undone
Miles today: 0.0

I'm sad.I had to end a friendship yesterday, one that has been a pillar in my dream to hike the Trail. We fell fast and hard for each other last fall when we met at REI and started backpacking together, before we were fully aware of the challenges that lay between us.This last week he left the Trail and came and visited me for a few days. It was fun; so much fun. I enjoyed having him around, waiting for me when I got out of class or finished work. He even helped me get some things done that I haven't had time for (a little "work for stay" arrangement!). He is a good man, with a heart of gold, the very best of intentions. Still, it became clear to me just how irreconcilable some of those challenges are.There are memories of him everywhere. Some of my gear came from him - the most important the Bible I plan to carry with me on the Trail, inscribed with my trailname and "Appalachian Trail 2003." His postcards, photos, and the note I found atop Clingman's Dome to him from Rocket.Deep Blue Something's song "Breakfast at Tiffany's" says, "I hate when things are over, there's so much left undone." One of the saddest things about ending a relationship is letting go of the dreams for the future that inevitably form in my mind.So there will be no more phone calls from the Trail. No more postcards from the AT. I can't put together a package to surprise him with. I can't pick his brain for ideas and information about the Trail and his experience. I'll never get to "pay up" on the massages I owe him for my sleeping bag.What if I run into him on the Trail months from now? What if he decides to settle down in Collegedale post-hike? I don't know. It may be awkward, but I certainly won't turn around and run in the other direction. I will remember you.
Date: 2003-03-25
To: Open Doors?
Miles today: 0.0

Oh, help.Last week a long-time family friend asked me, "So have you been sending out resumes?" I replied, somewhat flippantly perhaps, "I sure haven't." He responded with a look of amazement. I sometimes wonder if one of the underlying reasons my dream of thru-hiking this summer materialized was to avoid the classic overwhelming senior-stress of job-hunting, worrying over whether or not I'll have a job to start immediately after graduation.I have described how, realizing this dream may not in fact be financially realistic for me right now, I finally surrendered it to God, relying on Him to direct me in the way He wants me to go. Just recently I prayed that He would open or close doors so that I would know which direction to take. Please note, I have not been job-searching. It's all I can do to keep my head above water with the two jobs I work now (one my own business), my full load of classes, an attempt at a social life, taking care of my health and other similar priorities, and small steps toward planning my thru-hike. So God knows that if there is something different He wants me to do, He pretty much has to drop it in my lap - which He has often done in the past.An open door? Perhaps. My academic advisor yesterday, and now his wife (whom I've worked with in the past) today, both approached me with two different job opportunities. I know what my traditional orthodox upbringing would dictate I do: pursue those opportunities like they're the last chance for survival. Do I want to start working immediately after graduation? Do I want to jump right into a life as busy as the last two years have been? Do I want to work 40 hours a week at someone else's bidding? Do I want to be a slave to a paycheck? The answer is no. Does that make me irresponsible, unrealistic, and bohemian? It boils down to this conflict: I want to bend my life in a slightly different direction than the way it has been trained to go, and that is not easy. It would be much more comfortable to settle into a job where all I do is show up and someone else takes care of the rest (clients, paycheck, taxes, etc). It would be much easier to stay within the confines of the subculture I've grown up in. It would be much less scary to stay here in the United States. But I want to get outside my comfort zone. I want to wander through the woods with people I've never met before and see sights I've never seen before. I want to spend a year or so overseas experiencing life from a different perspective. And when I'm ready to settle down and really start my career, I want my own business. You know what? The thought of doing it all alone frankly scares me to death. But God places desires in our hearts, right? He will not only call me to do a job, He will strengthen me to perform that job. My responsibility now is simply to seek Him first.I suppose I owe it to myself to explore any and all options; maybe I would find something I really wanted to do more than thru-hike the AT. Maybe. But if I am really seeking to do God's will, I owe it to Him to peak through any doors that may appear to be opening.
Date: 2003-03-25
To: When Will it End?
Miles today: 0.0

Another thought from today...I'm having one of those totally-overwhelmed moments. I wish I could tell when these moods were coming so I could prepare for them!Just feels like there are so many demands on my time and energy, I can never keep up, never catch up, and it will be like this for the next six and a half weeks...at least. This is why I long, beg, plead to go out on the Trail... Sometimes all I want is for someone to tell me it's okay for me to feel overwhelmed; I do have a totally unrealistic amount of things to do and it's not just because I'm a poor time manager that my quality suffers...What did I say earlier about exploring job opportunities?
Date: 2003-04-15
To: $$$
Miles today: 0.0

I finished my taxes over the weekend, and had to pay a rather significant amount after all.Yesterday I talked to the repairman about my car...looks like it will cost the outrageous amount the dealer originally estimated.I felt very discouraged, thinking I wasn't going to have enough money left to complete the entire Trail this summer after paying both those expenses. All the hard work and stress for nothing.Today however, I browsed over my last bank statement, adding the other savings I have and calculating how much more I can earn during the last four weeks of school.Whoopee! Thank you God, I think I'm going to make it!!!I haven't heard anything from the jobs I applied and sent my resume to. Then, I haven't contacted them again, either. But providing I don't hear back, I'll consider those doors closed.So God willing, I will be on the Trail this summer.Now I'm off to work out...
Date: 2003-04-17
To: Reality Sets In
Miles today: 0.0

So the other day I was stoked when I discovered I am actually going to make my dream happen this summer. I am terrified. This is so outside my comfort zone. Two friends have said they would start out with me, but other things they have to do have come up for both of them and they are not able to go. Well, it may work out for one to go, he is still not sure. I find I was really leaning on that, to at least have someone to start out with me until I got used to it. Not to mention that since my mom is one of the ones taking me to the Trailhead (!) I know it would make her feel a little better to at least see me off with someone, even if it was temporary.So what do I do? I pray. "Send me someone to start out with. If not, I know You will strengthen me and calm my fears - and mom's."I think this is normal, the trepidation. I've read it in other journals. I mean, this is a kind of psycho thing to do - but it will be so worth it.Mark Twain said, "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."I will not let the fear stop me. I will do this thing.
Date: 2003-04-26
To: At Last
Miles today: 0.0

Had a great conversation with my parents today. We were on the phone for over an hour and a half, I think. First my mom, then my dad. Talked to them about different aspects of the Trail, getting their advice, answering their questions. I managed to not feel judged and they seemed more open - even enthusiastic! My dad is a real detail person - I can just picture him sitting at the computer plotting my way on the map as I go.I asked my mom last week if when I get to Maryland I can stay a few days with them; they just moved there, so I haven't seen their house yet. My mom even says she might hike with me for a few days. That would be really cool, mom. So my parents are going to store my car for me, be available for resupply calls, and we've also arranged tentatively that they'll pick me up at Katahdin in the fall. The only problem is my dad's work keeps him tied up many weekends, so we went through the calendar today and marked out the ones he already has planned. His schedule requires planning in advance; it may be a trick to coordinate getting to their house and to Katahdin when he is free! I guess I can trust God to work those details out as well, as He has faithfully been working out all the rest.Also have a friend from school here, S, who lives near my parents, and he said last night he'd come up and hike Maryland with me. I was excited about that. And it looks like M will be able to start out with me for a few days after all. That's exciting, too.At any rate, I was really happy with the conversation today. God is good. Two weeks from tomorrow I'll be a college graduate.
Date: 2003-05-02
To: Inspiration
Miles today: 0.0

Words that inspired me last fall from the writings of a late 19th/early 20th century Christian author:¢In the time of John the Baptist, greed for riches, and the love of luxury and display had become widespread. Sensuous pleasures, feasting and drinking, were causing physical disease and degeneracy, benumbing the spiritual perceptions, and lessening the sensibility to sin... God did not send him to the teachers of theology to learn how to interpret the Scriptures. He called him to the desert that he might learn of nature and nature¢s God... Here his surroundings were favorable to habits of simplicity and self-denial. Uninterrupted by the clamor of the world, he could here study the lessons of nature, of revelation, and of Providence... To him the solitude of the desert was a welcome escape from society in which suspicion, unbelief, and impurity had become well-nigh all pervading... But the life of John was not spent in idleness, in ascetic gloom, or in selfish isolation. From time to time he went forth to mingle with men; and he was ever an interested observer of what was passing in the world. From his quiet retreat he watched the unfolding of events. With vision illuminated by the divine Spirit he studied the characters of men, that he might understand how to reach their hearts with the message of heaven. The burden of his mission was upon him. In solitude, by meditation and prayer, he sought to gird up his soul for the lifework before him.¢ ¢ EG White, ¢The Desire of Ages¢, p. 100-102
Date: 2003-05-06
To: Fears
Miles today: 0.0

The Big Day is one week away.I just spent a few minutes browsing through Journey's and Liteshoe's journals. I can hardly wait to get out there. At the same time, my fears are manifesting themselves in increasing intensity. I examined them last week as I laid on the massage table, treating myself to a much-needed massage. When I'm giving as many massages as I have been lately, I get easily burned out if I don't GET one myself at least now and then! As it is I will be glad to have a break from doing massage again; I thoroughly enjoy giving them, but it is hard on my body. My hands (and wrists, arms, shoulders, neck...) are crying!Anyway, back to the fears...I'm not usually one to worry excessively. I get onto my mom and my sister for doing so. I guess it's mainly that I'm stepping out into the unknown. I have no idea what to expect, really, and often feel like I have no idea what I'm getting myself into! (Matt says, "Don't think about it - just do it!" How logical! =) ) I feel completely unprepared. I also have (at least) two demons that I am afraid will follow me onto the Trail. I hope to surrender these to God and conquer them with His help while I'm out there.
Date: 2003-05-11
To: Numb
Miles today: 0.0

Today was my day! I now officially have a B.S. in Corporate/Community Wellness Management. Exciting. Actually I didn't even feel excited - or anything - until my row stood up and I was waiting to walk across the stage to get my diploma - it didn't really kick in until then. There is so much to process between finishing school, my family all being here, saying good-byes, and preparing to leave for the Trail Tuesday. I don't have time to process it all, so I just feel numb. My parents have coaxed my friends to go with me, or tried to get them to persuade me not to go. They still are not 100% comfortable with this idea. (I guess what parent is?!) They are torn between offering to help and distancing themselves, dancing the delicate line between wanting to support me yet not wanting to facilitate something they are not comfortable with. Their graduation gift was a Therma-Rest - at last, I will sleep good while camping!!! - and right now the plan is still for them to accompany me to Amicalola.I have been struck this past week by how often I end up feeling like I have to be the strong one. Friends and family members express their fears and anxieties about me hiking alone and I'm the one that has to tell them it's going to be okay. I'm glad they are comfortable and care enough to do so, but in a way then I feel like I'm not supposed to have fears and anxieties! If I did, I suspect they'd be exploited as reasons not to go. I'm supposed to have all the answers, have a plan for any possible emergency. (Like for instance, this guy who was hiking/climbing alone recently, got pinned under a boulder and had to cut his own hand off...) Maybe it is naive not to...?I'm loving the guestbook entries!
Date: 2003-05-13
From: Collegedale, TN

To: Amicalola Falls, GA
Miles today: 0.0

Today is the day!!! My first "trail" entry!!!I am finally getting excited. It started yesterday when I went to get my last-minute gear items at the outfitters. I had to replace my sleeping bag unexpectedly, and I snuggled down in the new one in the store to try it out. It reminded me how long it's been since I've been out there...way too long. I'm ready to be on the Trail.My parents and one of my sisters and her husband stayed to take me to Amicalola. Mom and Dad are being great. They still have lots of reservations, have asked lots of questions, are grappling with the unknowns. They may still be struggling a little, but I knew they would eventually give in to their need to be supportive! I may complain, but I really am blessed in the parent department. They have contributed in many ways, and have given so much over the years; I am greatly appreciative.Two friends are actually starting out with me, so that will be cool. I'll get my "Trail legs" before going it alone. I was thinking last night that it was hard to imagine tonight I'd be sleeping out in the woods. I am actually coming back next Saturday to be the gift attendant in a good friend's wedding, then I'll head back out Sunday night. That takes a little of the pressure off! I will leave a couple of things undone until then.And actually there is one "to-do" that will go with me on the Trail...the correspondence class I ordered months ago for my massage continuing education.I guess this better be short because I still have a little packing to do...I am now...
Date: 2003-05-13
From: Amicalola Falls, GA

To: Springer Mountain Shelter
Miles today: 9.0
Weather: clear sky

Couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day to hike! I don't think I've ever backpacked in such beautiful weather - sunshine, bright blue sky, 70 degrees or so, light breeze - it's beautiful.I snoozed on the way to the Trail, catnaps between helping my Dad follow the poor directions I'd gotten and the one time I'd been to Amicalola. We drove up to the Falls - lots of photos (we're kind of a photo-happy bunch) - and then back down to the Visitors' Center to register. More photos by the stone arch, and then - already setting a yellow-blazing pattern?! - back up to the top of the Falls to cut off a mile of hiking... I've already hiked that mile though so that's how I rationalized it!Speaking of which... As we approached Amicalola in the car memories flooded back of my December 28 trip to surprise Bono and hike with him halfway up Springer. Until we reached the campsite we'd camped at I kept seeing places that reminded me of this or that. Maybe it's the numbness I've been experiencing as a result of all the things to process or maybe I'm past it all, but I just observed the memories, feeling kind of neutral. Sorrow for the pain I felt and caused, gratitude for the lessons I learned. May there be no hard feelings on either side. I sincerely wish the very best for him.Mom and Dad were great today. Saying good-bye I was overwhelmed by what they must be feeling. There is a spot past where we started hiking where the Trail crosses the road, and after we'd said good-bye and taken off Mom and Dad and Jenn and Brad sped around to meet us there at the crossing - that was cute. I knew they'd do that.I was a slow hiker today - must have been the four and a half hours of sleep I got last night, and the minimal amount I've gotten over the last two weeks! But we still made it up Springer in less than the average time - average is six hours, we made it in five. There were about five other hikers here, another joining us later, for a total of nine. It felt kind of like the first day of school or something - the new gear, new experiences, new people, everyone's kind of awkward. I got all my "chores" done, ate, and got in bed around 6:30. Feel kind of like I'm coming down with something - a cold maybe - so I took some echinacea and hope to head it off with a nice long sleep.