Date: 2002-08-08
From: MAINE

To: GA
Miles today: 0.0

Thursday August 8,2002Got up this morning had 4 pancakes at Shaws boarding house. The old man cooks breakfast, he was up at 4:30 this morning doing his chores. He¢s got 4 head of cattle out there in a little garage he uses for a barn and he kills his own beef and cuts up his own meat. He had 2 young ones and 2 older ones. Anyway had breakfast with all the hikers, foot feels a little better, but isn¢t worth it. It¢s not worth it to walk on it, because I can feel it. Sent my backpack back and gave all my food away. It¢s going to cost me 75 bucks to get there and I am going. I made the decision and it¢s over, it¢s all over. Beautiful part of the country here though.   Just walking around town here right now. With this lake right here next to downtown. Quaint town, the air is clean and fresh. The best people you would ever want to meet. Be A good place to live. I have said this before, i am so tired I can¢t think straight, brain dead. Got a ride from Monson to Bangor from a John Pepka, he is from the Boston area. He had done about 50 miles and was with a priest and another guy and he wasn¢t gong fast enough for them so they went on and he turned around and came back to Monson and there he was, he was going to wash his hair by the side of the road, going to take 5 days to get back 50 miles to Monson. So I didn¢t really expect to see him when I got in and because I got in there in 3 days. And here I was sitting there this morning and he here comes walking in. WE went and had dinner at the BBQ place and told him I was going to come home and it was going to cost me 75 to take the shuttle with little Keith back to Bangor.   And he said well he had his car here, he left it here and he was going to get a ride back to Monson after he got to Katahdin and he said Oh well and this was about 12:30 or 1 and he said, well I have got plenty of time, I can drive you up to Bangor, it¢s only a little over an hour from me and he said he could back in time for supper. I told him he didn¢t have to do that and he said he wanted to. I told him I would pay for his gas. WE took off and we stopped and he got a pizza, candybar, and pop and I paid for that. Then we stopped somewhere else and got him an orange juice and we got to Bangor and I said you better stop here so we can get you some gas and he has a new Subaru forester and that thing hardly came off full. He said, No, No, I don¢t need any gas. So I really lucked out there. Nice guy. But I am still feeling really ambivalent. I feel like I should go back to the trail. But my heels hurt and my foot and I so tired.   I feel just like I failed. I feel like when I got out of the Navy and I didn¢t spend the time like I should have and now I feel the same way about this. I am just really depressed. Just down. I just can¢t believe I couldn¢t do this. And now I feel like maybe I can tough it out and I start walking and it¢s pure torture. I just can¢t believe this happened to me. But I am going to do something to get out of this. I know it doesn¢t help not having any sleep. Here I am at the airport and it¢s 6 and I am tired and I can¢t get any rest here and they are going to kick me out at midnight. Then they don¢t¢ open up again in the morning. I have to sit outside and there is no sense to go to a motel and then come back at that time in the morning. Might as well stay here. I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself. Sitting on the pity pot. But you know what? I can take it.   I can do it. I got enough strength to get through it. But you know what? Here I am sitting here. Why am I sitting here looking at that lounge? I am looking in there and thinking ¢you know what, I could go in there and just get wasted, just get wasted. I mean what the heck, I have already beat myself up here, I guess, well I will tell you what I need. I need an AA meeting. YOU know what they say. HALT. Never get too hungry, too angry, too lonely or too tired. Right now, I¢m lonely, I¢m tired, I am angry with myself and you know what I am kind of hungry too. I wish I could just order a pizza. But you know I could go into this airport coffee shop and I can get a greasy meal and you know what I am so damn tight, I hate pay those prices but I am gonna do it anyway. I am about ready to call somebody here in Bangor to see if there is somebody that I can talk to from AA. Ah, I have to look and see if I have Darwin¢s number.   Ah I don¢t know what to do, would have to dig in my pack. This airport reminds me of Des Moines, it¢s not too many people. I talked to the security man down here and they close at 12 and he took my name down. And he said maybe I could stay or sit outside and he would talk to the night shift. Otherwise they kick me way off the property.   But the people that come in at midnight might have sympathy and let me stay inside the airport. But if not, I can get my sleeping bag out and stay warm no problem. Another long night, Pa Kettle