Date: 2012-08-13
From: Hexacuba Shelter

To: Glencliff, NH
Miles today: 14.8

I am really getting behind on my journal. I decided to walk ahead of Warrior so that I could get to the shelter early enough to write a little bit. I was moving quick and making good time but in my head I was focussing on negative stuff too much. I slipped off a bog log and caught myself as I fell. The jolt sent my heart into tachacardia.........shit..... This is the 7th or 8th time it's happened on the trail. I took my pack off and tried to calm down. There was a nearby stream so I dunked my head in it to try and shock my heart into a normal rhythm, but it wasn't cold enough. I laid down in the middle of the trail and took deep breaths. My heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest when it does this. It gets going so fast that it just sort of flutters and makes me dizzy. I laid on the ground for 15 minutes. Then a thru- hiker named Claudia found me. I told her I was having heart trouble and she stopped to help me. Lucky for me, she was slack packing and offered to carry my pack. I was only about 2 miles from the nearest road. She led the way, but my heart was beating so fast I kept getting dizzy and had to stop. She felt my heart beat through my chest and suggested that I lay down for another 15 minutes. I tried to relax. Claudia was very comforting and I'm grateful she was there. For a second it skipped a beat like it does right before it goes back to normal, but it didn't stick. I also tried bearing down even though that never really seems to work for me. The fact that my heart has been palpitating for this long is making me a little nervous (which never helps). Claudia and I tried walking a little further down the trail. It's all downhill to the road but I still couldn't do it. I was too light headed. I laid down on the trail for another 15 minutes. Claudia said "if this doesn't work I'm going to carry you out of here". I could tell by the look on her face that she was serious. I hope it doesn't come to that. A few minutes later a husband and wife that were out day hiking found us. Claudia and I were both thinking that with the husbands help we could get a couple sticks and use my hammock to make a stretcher. But when Claudia suggested it, he said he couldn't help carry me down. Instead, his wife called 911. I didn't argue. Years ago my cardiologist told me that this heart condition wouldn't become life threatening till I was in my 30's. He said as I got older my heart wouldn't be strong enough to handle 200+ bpm for very long. This is actually one of my reasons for being on the A.T. I turned 31 in June and I figured that hiking the trail would make my heart really strong.After calling 911 the two day hikers left their Verizon phone with us and went to down to the road to meet the ambulance. Claudia and I both have AT&T and neither one of us has good reception. The 911 dispatcher told me to call him every 15 minutes, we gave him the GPS coordinates of where the road crosses the A.T. (it was in the guidebook).... I hate having to deal with this, my heart was beating so fast Claudia couldn't count it. After fifteen minutes past I called the dispatcher again to let him know that nothing changed.As I laid on the ground I began to tear up. I thought of calling my friend Norma down in Texas, I tried my phone and had one bar. Norma has a really good relationship with God and she's helped me walk through fear before. She answered and I told her what was going on. We started to pray over the phone. God answered the prayer within two minutes. My heart started beating normally again. I know for a fact that God listens to the prayers of those who follow his will. I also know that my connection has been a little cloudy lately.I was so relieved to feel a slow steady beat return to my chest that I started crying. It hasn't gone on for that long in years. Usually if it gets stuck like that I'm already at the hospital.I thanked Norma for praying with me. Then I called the dispatcher back to let him know that it converted back to a normal rhythm. He said that the paramedics had already arrived and I should at least have them check me out. Claudia and I started walking down the trail to meet them. As we walked, it occurred to me how incredibly gnarly the trail really is. Even though I was only two miles from the road, how the hell would you get back in here to carry someone out?........ I was amazed when met the rescue team.  There were almost 20 guys. Paramedics, fireman,  a conservation officer. They even managed to get a four wheeler in here, (I have no idea how he got that thing up this little goat trail). New Hampshire search and rescue is no joke. Seeing all those guys out here made me feel silly for walking out on my own legs.Down at the parking lot I sat in the back of an ambulance for an EKG, blood test, and then another EKG type test with more electrodes. The medic said some part of my heart rythym was still a little abnormal but he didn't think I needed to go to the hospital. I asked him how long I had left to live and he said "I give ya about three years", I hope he's joking. He didn't tell me to stop hiking, but he did tell me to rest for a few days.Then the conservation officer needed to talk to me for his report. The officer was pretty blunt with me. He said people die in the White Mountains all the time. A guy died of a heart attack on Mount Washington just the other day. He said that with my heart condition it was stupid for me to be out here without a hiking partner.After finishing all the paperwork the ambulance driver was nice enough to take me to the nearby hostel in Glencliff. That made for a grand entrance. I had a lot of explaining to do when I got inside. One of the hikers is a nurse and has treated my condition in the emergency room many times. He explained a more advanced technique for slowing a heart rate and the proper way to do it. I'm grateful for that bit of information.My heart feels tired tonight and it's skipping a beat here and there. It was beating 200+ bpm for an hour and a half. Is being out here too risky for me right now? I'm often walking through areas a lot more remote then where I was when I had my problem today. Katahdin  is less then 400 miles away now, it seems so close. But the hardest climbs and most remote sections of trail are in this last 400 miles. Can I make it? Calling emergency personal to the woods today wasn't cool. I mean, I'm glad they are out here and equipped for the mountains. But is it irresponsible to go out there with my heart this way? I met another hiker at the hostel tonight who advised me to take this seriously. He noticed something wrong with his heart last year and got off the trail in Erwin. He ended up with double bypass surgery. One year later he's back on the trail finishing his hike. I have been putting off surgery to fix my heart problem because of fear. I'm afraid that something could go wrong and I'm afraid to get a pace maker if it does. As with most fear, not dealing with this one is now making it hard for me to enjoy life to the fullest. There is a 3,800 foot climb up to a 4,800 foot peak across the road from where I got off the trail today. I'm right at the foot of some of the biggest and most amazing views on this trail. Really truly......If I used this as an excuse to get off the trail I could enter the ranks of complete insanity. This would be a pretty good spot to abort for a future yo-yo hike. It would be pretty cool to rub shoulders with hikers like Spirit and Tarp Water (aka Overload). I've learned that not facing the fear often hurts more then facing it. Maybe it's time to get heart surgery. This morning I decided that I want to climb Aconcagua in South America. There's no way I can do that while being tormented with this pesky heart problem.