Date: 2010-01-27
To: Prep #15
Miles today: 0.0

SO MUCH FOR "OFF THE GRID"¢¦This morning I noticed a police officer watching with undue interest as my daughter-in-law and I did the very suburban American routine of juggling cars as I backed out of the driveway so she could get her vehicle out of the garage and go to work. After I pulled my car back into the drive, he drove up, blocked the end of the driveway and appeared to be running my tag. I know how much police officers love to have people walk up to them unsolicited (they don't), so of course I approached to ask if I could help him. "Ma'am, it's a ticketable offense to drive your vehicle with your windows obscured by frost." Okay. I stayed silent. "Do you live here?" Temporarily, yes. "Your car is registered to a different address." As I mentally discarded half a dozen sarcastic rejoinders, I took a deep breath and respectfully said, "Yes, sir, that's correct."   Having seen the inside of traffic court way too many times in the thankfully more distant past, the important things I've learned are to (a) be respectful, (b) tell the truth, (c) frame your facts in a way they haven't heard before, (d) always, always be sincere, whether you mean it or not, and (e) try not to get the ticket in the first place.So I took another deep breath, and sounding slightly crazed, I said, "I have a tenant living at my house where the car is registered and I lived out at my summer home down the road for five months, and then when it got cold I moved in with my son who lives here, but I'll be leaving March 2nd and going to Georgia and will be homeless on the Appalachian Trail for six months. After I walk 2,000 miles or so from Georgia to Maine, I'm thinking about going down to Miami and living on a sailboat for six months but then I'll come back to Chicago and move back into my house. Or maybe I'll sell the house and just cruise the Caribbean for awhile. But eventually I'll move back into my house and figured it would be best to leave my car registered there because my brother will get all my mail and he'll know where I'm at most of the time." His eyes started to glaze over. I knew I was on a roll, so I continued. "And as far as the frost on the windows, it's like when I'm hiking through sleet or sailing in a tropical storm and my glasses get all spattered with water. I'm really used to being able to see around the raindrops so I don't fall down or go the wrong way. And anyway the sun just came up so the frost will dry off the car in a few minutes. You know, it's like when it's rained all night and you have to put your wet tent in your backpack and start hiking and when the sun comes out you stop, take a break and spread your wet tent out in the sun. And in no time it's all dried out and you can go on your way with everything dry and shipshape. You know?" I held my breath. Was this information overload going to work? Did my ditzy demeanor do the trick?   His eyes narrowed and he glanced down at my car juggling attire: jeans, down booties, fleece jacket with pajama tops peeking out. I saw his fingers twitch. Oh, no! Is he getting ready to write that ticket? Instead, he reached out to shake my hand and said, "You're Croft, right?"Busted! I'm Croft, I'm "homeless", and I'm hiking the AT. Hoo-RAH.P.S. No ticket.