Date: 2014-11-03
From: Pearisburg

To: Marion, VA
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: clear sky

I've been stranded, along with my mini-bubble of SOBOs, while an early winter storm blows over Marion, "the back of the Dragon," and pessimistically contemplating my chances of making it to Springer this year. I'm thinking, although no decisions have been finalized, of getting off in TN or NC when my daughters drive up for a pre-planned visit in two weeks. While I would love to finish, and with my girlfriend walking with me, her having sherpa'd much-needed cold-weather gear here to Marion, may well be motivated and equipped to do so, I find myself equally drawn to bailing and finishing under better conditions in the Spring. My malaise has been a long-time coming. Cold nights on the Priest, on Chestnut Knob, and places in between have demonstrated my Florida-based frailties and my lack of experience in cold-weather. A sore knee, the result of a slide on wet leaves on an under-maintained trail on Garden Mountain, and a rapidly draining AT fund have added to my woes. (I budgeted $5,000 for this trip, including gear and airfare, and have under 1G to do the 5 or so difficult weeks remaining; that won't carry two people through hostel country in the winter very far.) I'm generally just jaded from the trail, frankly. That much can be appreciated by any of you kind readers; but, what is weighing on me even more is the anxiety of cold weather at altitude. Why I fear the worst for the future is something I need to work on. I have conquered other, smaller, fears on this trip and should be more confident of my (our) ability to finish. Though this may be cognitive dissonance, I like the prospect of leaving the final 300 miles or so left for a happier hike. As I live relatively close to Springer, I can see myself dusting my gear off in April or May and putting up with the NOBO scene with a few weeks. On the other hand, I don't feel the same need to achieve some amorphous "thru-hiker" status as other, perhaps younger folks do, and a walk in the woods of 1,900-miles or so is no small feat. My personal goals have been met, in the main. However, coming this close and then getting off is dumb, and however much I reason that a journey that ends near it's final stages is no less tragic or remorseful than one that ends near its beginning--for similar calculations that advise against throwing good money after bad--such utilitarian thinking fails to pinpoint my sense of failure. I have failed in various ways, on this trip, and haven't exactly "killed" the trail by any means, but converting the overall attempt at a thru hike into a long section hike is the last thing I want. In addition, I feel a sense of loyalty to my fellow SOBOs, and feel like I would letting "the team" down by abandoning them to their highland traverse in winter.Nothing can take away from my experiences to this point, of course, and I have no regrets...yet. Perhaps the new gear--Karyssa is bringing up my beloved Oboz boots, a 0-degree (and huge, and heavy) Kelty synth bag, as well as a winter coat and base-layer--and the injection of Karyssa's competitive spirit--she was a X-country runner in college and remains as tough as nails--will rejuvenate and inspire, but as I say, I am currently pessimistic. We will see how the walking goes from here to Tennessee.