Date: 2018-08-30
From: Madison Springs Hut

To: Gorham
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: scattered clouds

For those of you who are direct and to the point, here is today¢s post in the short version: Curly and I have gotten off trail and our hike is over. It was a great, glorious experience and we thank you for joining us.For those of you who are interested in a little bit more detail: We woke up this morning to a cold, hard rain just a half mile from the summit of Mt Madison. Fog engulfed the Hut and visibility was about 50 feet. With gusts of wind that shook the windows of Madison Springs Hut and bent the tall pines outside, our initial decision to be out by 630am and hiking was delayed until we received the weather report at 715am, which goes out to all the huts via radio from the Mt Washington observatory. When it came in, the news was not very good. Continued rain and fog, with gusts of up to 80 mph at the summits. The Hut master does not stop people from going out, but recommended to us that it would not be wise. A flood of anxiety came over me as memories of 2015 on top of Franconia Ridge came rushing back. On that crazy July day three years ago, We faced the only time ever hiking when I was fearful for our lives because of the weather. The waves of physical and emotional fatigue surrounded and engulfed us both. What to do?At that point the choices were to go over the summit or take the Lake View Trail straight down to the trailhead at Rt 2. That trail would descend through tree line and was half the distance to civilization. It was also NOT the Appalachian Trail and if we took it, it would be the end of our hike. With great sadness and tremendous relief, we took the Valley View Trail, and with both of us crying pretty much all the way down, our tears littered the trail and this hike was over for us. After 142 days and having hiked 1,863.7 miles...with only 327.2 miles remaining, this grand adventure was complete.The reasons we ended the hike at this time were pretty simple. Both of us were physically and mentally ¢spent¢, and we were just wiped out. I can¢t even begin to describe the toll this hike takes on a body and mind, but it¢s a tremendous amount. The stress of planning and executing our days in the rugged wilderness of the Whites left me sleepless at night as I tossed and turned anxious about getting us both safely over these mountains and done before nightfall. With the Wildcat mountains and Maine in front of us, the difficult hiking before us was not something that either of us were interested in tackling, not in our present frame of mind.From my immediate perspective, making peace with the reality of being a ¢quitter¢ was difficult. Not finishing was never an option until the last several hundred miles in my mind. Beginning in Connecticut, I began wrestling with this idea of leaving the trail. In a low moment, we were so blessed to have the Weavers and Bartrams ¢rescue¢ us, and we trekked on, but as the miles racked up, so did the weariness. We cut down our time between towns to 3 days in order to carry less weight and eat more high calorie town food. As the terrain got more difficult, our bodies slowed down. My desire to be summiting Katahdin on my birthday September 4th slipped to the 10th, then slipped further to the 15th, then to the 20th, and finally I just quit estimating...I didn¢t want to be out here in late September, even though we were not on a deadline.For me, being a competitive guy, hiking the AT was about winning, which meant getting to Katahdin, as soon and safely as possible, plain and simple. I am still processing what has taken place here, but I believe the Lord had bigger lessons in store for me. This hike was not about the end result, but about the journey between Springer Mountain and Mt Washington. For Curly, this hike was always about the journey, and she embraced this adventure with her whole heart. In the midst of the past four and a half months, she faced fears and challenges unlike anyone I know, and I am so humbled to call her not only my hiking buddy, but my wife. But looking ahead to another several weeks of hiking that was more descriptive of mountaineering than a walk in the woods was just not something she wanted to face. And I didn¢t want her to face it. The burden of being responsible not only for my well being but also for another is huge. It weighed heavily.  The bottom line was that we decided we could come down off the mountain totally grateful for the amazing gift of this hike. The journey couldn¢t have been possible without the unconditional support of family, friends new and old, and random strangers we lovingly call ¢trail angels¢. The friendships made on trail were special and will never be forgotten. Again, it¢s about the journey. This will be my final post for this trip on Trail Journals, so thank you to all those wonderful readers who followed this journey...I hope you enjoyed the trail as much as we did. May God bless you all richly!