Date: 2006-10-25
To: Prep #55--What If I Couldn't?
Miles today: 0.0

Yesterday at work, a book came in that I had ordered for my supervisor per her request. "Living in the Labyrinth: A Personal Journey Through the Maze of Alzheimer's," written by Diana Friel-McGowin. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am not a big reader. I fall asleep the moment I sit down and crack open the pages. I thrive and absorb huge amounts of information from experiential learning.....gotta do it with my own two hands, have to experience it with all of my senses. So it will be a surprise to all who know me to find out that after browsing through the book out of curiosity, I ended up sitting down and reading it cover to cover in 1 1/2 hours. It was, for me, an eye-opening look into the world of a woman with Alzheimer's from the first signs that "something wasn't right" to the point where her digression had plateaued...at least for the time being. Honestly, it scared me to death. She was only 45 years old when it started, and yes, that is considered a very young age, but she essentially described the process in which a functioning, independent, self-sufficient human being slowly lost the ability to do those things that most of us take for granted every day. Cooking....driving to the park....working....enjoying her grandchildren.....remembering to eat and nourish our body....carrying on fluid conversations....remembering her own childrens' names......being respected.....feeling worthy and whole and equal to everyone elseI guess you could say that what she went through (and probably still is) pretty much sums up my worst nightmare. Losing my independence, losing my ability to take care of myself, to spontaneously decide to go for a drive and hang at the coffee house, or to wake up one day with the crazy idea of attempting to hike 2175 miles....and then 1 year later, taking my first step in that very attempt.When I quit my teaching position at Oklahoma State University, I had a handful of people tell me I was crazy for giving up that security. My response was always that I did not want to have any regrets in life. They usually didn't understand what I meant, because to them, a steady paycheck, benefits, a "place to go" everyday = security which = happiness (or at least they convinced themselves it did...but I wonder how many of them were fooling themselves). To me, that scenario = the picture in this post. I felt trapped, I felt like there was so much more to experience in life and that it has always required me to take risks to find even greater fulfillment and meaning in it all.This hike isn't -IT-, meaning it isn't the one thing that is going to make my life great....it is simply another chapter, another adventure, and if I have anything to do with it, I hope there will be many many more adventures to come, that give me the sense that I'm living my life to its fullest--living with meaning.This guy on Good Morning America, earlier this week, was categorizing and describing all of the generations in relation to their career outlooks. My generation clashes w/the baby boomers because we are deemed as impatient and we seem to want it all right now. The one thing I totally agreed with was that my generation has more people willing to walk away from good $ and "security" (whatever that is) if given the chance to do something meaningful, something that will make a difference. There is no such thing as working as a loyal employee for one company for 25 years with the understanding that you will be taken care of by that company. I think that is why almost everyone near my age that I ask, "What do you want to do?" absolutely none of us can answer that question. My partner, a talented chef, has found *that* thing. I'm so genuinely happy and proud of her, and parts of me envy her because I wish I could find that thing too, but so far, I haven't.Reading that book yesterday served as yet another reminder as to how important it is to apply that mantra from the hiking community--Hike Your Own Hike---to your life. I may not have the big house, sports cars, plasma tv, and summer cottage, but if, God forbid, I somehow end up losing my independence, I will have had all of these enriching experiences and the people that go along with them, to remember and cherish.