Date: 2004-02-21
To: What is it?
Miles today: 0.0

Two weeks until I leave Syracuse, I¢m extremely confused with my emotions. I¢m all mixed up. Early today I was elated to be trekking, out in the woods just the mountains and me (my fellow hikers too) and to just be out of this city. Later on while hanging with my friend and co-worker Katie I was more subdued, even a little sad to be leaving my friends and family, just people I enjoy being with for such a period of time. I gladly would take either of those feelings to the gut busting, heart wrenching feelings of worry and anxiety I felt tonight. Especially when you know you¢ve got all the gear you need, it¢s just you can¢t find some of it. After grabbing most of the gear I plan to take on my thru-hike I stand over my pile of gear and it hits me; ¢Where the Hell is my stove?!?¢ so my heart is pumping like crazy my stomach is turning, I¢m having a panic attack, I don¢t know where my stove is. How could I lose my stove? How can I last on the trail without a stove? What did I do with the damn thing? Then a second glance over the gear and a run down to the basement to look and I get to replay all those feelings as I wonder and worry about where my damn water filter got to? Two major pieces of gear with only two weeks left and I have no clue where they are. I¢ve got some major searching to do around the house.        So speaking about the house, my parents have been acting umm, weird. Especially my mother, lately she has been getting very, I don¢t know what to call it other than pissy. That¢s really the only way to describe it, other than annoying. Tonight when I got in from work, my father was like your mom is getting really worked up over this (The Whole AT Thing I guess). I mean I know there are some things I still have to do here at the house, for example; clean my room and finalize my drop schedule among other minor things. My drop schedule is pretty well set, 13 mail drops in all, not too many, but from everything I¢ve heard most thru-hikers if they were to do it again would use fewer maildrops. It¢s a schedule thing really, but that¢s what people are fleeing when they hit the trail; schedules, cars, employers, nagging neighbors, I could go on for an entire thru-hike. I don¢t know if it¢s the small things that are getting to my mother or if she¢s just being an overly concerned mother trying to sabotage my thru-hike. I mean I know mothers are close to their children and all, but this is something that I really must do, and my mom just has to let go. I¢ve tried reassuring her time and time again that I¢ll be fine, that it¢s only 6 months. So here I am only a little over two weeks away from my thru-hike attempt and I¢m all anxious because of my mother and some misplaced gear. MOM'S Note:Wow I love this I won't edit his words but can add my own spin. When the hiker asks you "Where's my gear, my stove!!!" He last used it last fall and didn't put it away. Then tells you I don't know why it couldn't go down with all the other camping gear. Let see basement near furnace duh. You have dozens of other responsiblities and jobs to get accomplished in your day. Do you as a mom drop everything to locate his stove "that minute" over two weeks before he's planning on starting. Get the point you look at this responsible young adult and say WELL. I'm fine with the AT but it's Dwight's thing to plan. As parents we can only hope he's prepared. Prayfully question it but have faith he will suceed.