Date: 2005-05-14
From: Pearisburg

To: home
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: few clouds

Church that day was great. The pastor talked about the theological struggle between predestination and a works-based faith. Essentially, it was James vs. Paul all over again. The debate certainly wasn't new to me, and it wasn't exactly the debate that sparked my attention (other than the fact that it was coming from the pulpit.).Instead I was caught by an image the preacher used to explain the way he deals with the struggle of Paul vs. James. He said to imagine 2 pieces of rope extending from the floor up through 2 holes in the ceiling 6 inches apart. Which one do you pull if you need to hold yourself up? He said to imagine that both of those ropes are really 2 different parts of the same rope, looping over a pulley above the 2 holes in the ceiling. To hold oneself up, it would be necessary to pull on both ropes at the same time; the jist of the message being that you can't put your trust in only Paul or only James. We must enact and thrive upon both of them simultaneously.That's it exactly! Thats what I've been struggling to understand about Eastern thought and its strange attachment to Christianity. It's all about balance. Yin and Yang. Passive and Active. Grace and Works. God is balance.Why, after having a week to write this entry, did I choose to begin it by discussing something I heard in church last Sunday? Because our life on the trail is not balanced.AS I write this, and certainly by the time it is read by friends, it will be well known that Sunday May 8, 2005 would be our last day on the trail as 2005 northbound thru-hikers. With this journal entry, I will attempt to explain for myself , friends, and family some of the reasons for abandoning the dream we'd sacrificed so much to realize. The trail has been a dream of mine for years, and hiking the whole thing was the goal when we began the journey of planning 18 months ago. We believed in ourselves enough to limit career options, turn away jobs, delay education, and postpone pursuit of the standard newlywed formula for happiness. Namely, I mean a place to achieve privacy--our own place. Instead, we opted for the situation that put us living with 3 other people, just so we could save $ for the trail. We endured having all our books and CDs packed in boxes for over a year because our 8by 8 room at camp was barely big enough for a bed and our clothes. We still haven't used any of our wedding gifts. Needless to go on, I'll end by saying that the trail was the biggest thing in our lives. It was going to be the defining experience of our young adult lives, marraige, and the chance to prove to ourselves that we were tough enough to do what everyone else seemed to say was impossible. So why did it all end in 1 day? Why did 1 day suddenly mark the unexpected drastic change in our plans?It wasn't because we weren't tough enough or inshape enough. We'd already braved the winter in up to 6000 feet of elevation, walking 625 miles. Our bodies felt great. It wasn't because we hated it--we were having a great time. It's because life had been out of balance for too long. Everyday, eating the same food, walking all day, then sleeping in a new place-- it got rather boring to me and led me to what I will call my "Forrest Gump Moment"Any good fan of Forrest Gump will remember the scene in which Forrest Gump decides to stop running. Out of the blue he just stops and says, " I think I'll go home now." He'd had enough and was ready t o establish himself again in his place. For me it was a kairos moment of instant reflection and empowerment which led me to this statement on the trail: "I'm not taking another step until we talk about this."After our discussion of pros and cons of our pace vs. time vs. money vs. obligations this summer vs my impurity in motivation (thru hiking is not really important to me any more. I respect thru hiking, but it's a pretty standardized goal really) vs. the thought that hiking was becoming a job and not an escape, coupled with the fear of turning hiking into something I hate, we decided to just go home for a little while.So, we've had a change in philosophy. Instead of being thruhikers, we're now section hikers. Instead of having to hike fast to get done, we can hike slowly and absorb the trail like sponges, liberated from schedules. So, now we're SNOBO. We're going to spend a little time with family. And by the way, we're not unemployed...We're free agents.I'm just a Tennessee Walker.Joshua Ashton HillQuote:"I think I'll go home now."            --Forrest.