Date: 2014-03-28
From: Wayah Bald Shelter

To: Wesser Bald Shelter
Miles today: 10.6
Weather: moderate rain

Day 16: Friday, 28 March 2014 Wayah Bald Shelter (120.8) to Wesser Bald Shelter (131.4)Two days to the Nantahala Outdoor Center. All of us in the shelter are focused on that fact. RW and Walking North left first however, thinking they might try to do the 16+ miles today. A few minutes after the two of them left, RW came back. Something in his pack was leaking and he thought it might be his Camelback water pouch. He took everything out of his pack. Looked like nothing serious got wet, but yes indeed, something about the Camelback was leaking. He was a little ticked off.Meticulous left, then Tortoise and Paul left. "Hope to see you at the next shelter!"The guy in the tent with the dog came to the shelter, well, his dog came then he came looking for the dog! We chatted for a while. He was debating about whether or not to head out. He didn't have rain gear and wondered if he should take a chance or stay put. Good luck with that! You could be stuck here for days!We finally packed up and headed out. I donned my rain skirt and jacket but decided to pack the rain chaps. I'm gambling that it won't rain too hard or too long, and besides, it would only be my lower legs that would get wet. It's not too cold and I'd probably dry OK.We set out on the trail. Lots of "views" today! Ha, ha! It was a thick fog today and not really rainy.I started thinking about my plight out here. I had really hoped to hike to Maine but now realized that this just isn't me. I didn't mind the hiking, even with the pack, but I hated the rocks and roots that often had to be climbed or scrambled over. I didn't like the narrow, muddy "path" that I was afraid to step too close to the edge for fear of scoffing off the edge of the path! I found it stressful to hike like this all day, only to have to sleep either on the ground or the floor of a shelter. This was just not me. I then struggled with when to break the news to Michael, and decided to tell him now, rather than later, that I'd be getting off the trail at the Outdoor Center."Mom, do you just want to take a break?""I thought about that and no. I'm going home. Know that I am pleased with what I have done, and I am very grateful to you for giving me this opportunity.""I'm sorry we wasted these years, planning for this that only lasted two weeks.""They weren't wasted. It gave me something to look forward to, to plan for, to dream about. I am so glad to have had this time with you in your world. It's just not mine."It was a rough couple of hours, talking this out, Michael trying to make me see the good and to get over the bad and me trying to tell him that I was very happy with what I had accomplished and have no regrets. I also noticed then that I was no longer getting the encouragement when the sketchy areas came up."Am I mentally on my own now?""Probably. I just wanted you to follow your dream, to do what God wanted you to do.""Michael, from the first time I started having these feelings, I have prayed and asked God to show me the joy, to take away the negative feelings, but it never happened. I'm done. I can't do it anymore."I think we were both saddened for disappointing the other person."What are you going to tell people, Mom, so I know what I should tell people on the trail.""I'm just going to tell them that is was difficult and it wasn't for me. I found out that this was not my calling, but I am very glad to have had this opportunity with my son! I love you, Michael!""Love you too, Mom."We got to Wesser Bald Shelter, and Tortoise, Paul, and RW were there. They were all finishing dinner. Michael and I went about our business as usual. We stayed in the shelter again, a heavy fog covered everything and I needed to be around others.Another guy came into camp. He was in shorts and a t-shirt! He's just out for a week on a break from work, a tech person and likes coming to the woods where he can't be reached! He lives not too far from the approach trail. We asked if he wants room in the shelter. "No, I've got my hammock!" He went to set up his hammock, then came back to the shelter to make dinner and chat. It was just the four of us. Nice.Good night, Michael. I love you! Don't ever regret bringing me out here.