Date: 2015-09-01
To: I'M THANKFUL
Miles today: 0.0

In light of the completion of my hike, I have the monster of all thankfulness lists to put out there. You don't have to read it. But I need to say it (or type it, WHATEVER).I am thankful, first of all, for the trail. I am thankful for those who built it, those who maintain it, and for the trail itself. I mean, I couldn't have hiked it if it didn't exist, so it's the biggest piece!I am thankful to Trail Mentor Alexa for inspiring me, guiding me, and motivating me. For telling me stories and giving me gifts. For driving me ALL THE WAY TO GEORGIA, and for hiking with me those first days.I am thankful for my mom and the pizza fairy. They have gone above and beyond in so many ways. Every once in a while, they'll tell me, "Thanks for letting us share your adventure." The only way I can respond is, "Without you, there wouldn't BE an adventure!" And it's true. They have contributed in more ways than I can count. Pizzas, shoes, rides, support... without them I wouldn't have made it past Georgia. I could write a book on all the things they did for me. Their last gift was an earring and necklace set with the ATC logo on it, which I had told them I was considering getting to replace the necklace and earrings I wore for those 2,189.2 miles. I hadn't wanted to bear the ATC ones until after my thru-hike was complete. Thanks, mom and Dan! Out with the old, and in with the new!I am thankful for my dad, who, in his own way, provided for me in countless ways. Christmas was full of unexpected little treasures for the journey, and excitement about the trail. I think he told the story of when he and Charlie hiked the trail, bringing Charlie's mother's cast iron pan with them (I have NO IDEA what they were thinking). Of course, they lost the pan. My father was willing to drop everything to drive to Maine and hang out with me for a few days when I thought I wouldn't summit until after Alexa's wedding. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a dad like that.I am thankful to Randy (aka Hungry) for bringing me to Katahdin last year. That climb was one of several key bricks in the foundation of my hike.I have to, of course, be thankful for my twin, who provided me with the origins of my trail name. I wouldn't be Red Panda without her. I am also thankful that she provided me with about six dozen different Red Panda gifts. Every time I wear my socks, I will be reminded that deep inside of me, RED PANDA still exists, just waiting to pounce on the next adventure. Plus, that AMAZING stamp. I will cherish it forever. I don't care how corny that sounds.I am thankful to my Maine family, who told me, when I was tossing the idea around and asked them, "Should I hike the Appalachian Trail?" that I should do it. That I definitely could do it. Thanks for helping push me over the edge!I am thankful to EVERYONE who gave me gifts during my journey, because I sure as heck got a lot of them. $20 slipped in cards, pizza money tucked into mail drops... sleeping bags (you know who you are!!), bandanas, shoes, shorts, Auntie Pat's amazing cookies. M&Ms, a trail magic picnic... I could go on forever. Every single one of those gifts, no matter how small, put a smile on my face. A card from Fran and Bonnie made me laugh, and I could always use a laugh. A new pair of socks from the pizza fairy gave me cozy feet for a few brief hours on Summit Day (an amazing joy). My dad telling me not to worry about paying him back for my umbrella allowed me a sign of relief as I took stock of my bank account. Every single gift makes a world of difference when you're out in the woods, feeling alone and overwhelmed, and just want to take a shower and eat pizza. Thank you!I am thankful to all of my friends and family, who gave not only me, but people they had never even met, RIDICULOUSLY awesome gifts of trail magic. Up until my last day on the trail, people came up to me and said, "You're Red Panda? Thank you so much for that trail magic!" I can't tell you how much of a difference you made to people. For every thank you, I got the privilege of explaining, "It wasn't me! I have an amazing family that provided all of that magic!"I can't believe the outpouring of support from my huge, wonderful family and also my hometown. One of the things that I loved the most about Goshen, and hated the most about leaving it when I went to college, is that it is a small community. Word spreads. It allowed me to come home and feel welcomed, and really just at home.I am thankful for Jim, Marie, Mackenzie, and Kelsey, who gave me a home to return to for a few days. They had never even met me before, and were willing to drive me around, wait for me as I got lost on the wrong road crossing, and feed me amazing home-cooked meals (and they gave me delicious lemon bread, too!).I am thankful for Jeralyn and Matt, who allowed me to celebrate with them, and then, right after they got back from their honeymoon, let me spend an extended holiday eating all of their food. Not only did the trail bring me new friends, but it allowed me to reconnect with old ones. SO COOL.I am thankful for an amazing journey, with amazing people. I am thankful for Chris, who was a friend and companion when I really needed one. I am thankful for Coco and Magnus, the Aussie Legs, Silent Force, Iso... I could list a hundred names of all of the people on the trail that touched my life in some way. The trail is more than just a walk in the woods. It is a social experience. And even though I am not a very social person, I did enjoy meeting so many people from so many different walks of life. I learned not to judge a book by its cover, and that first impressions are often inaccurate. I am thankful for those lessons. There are some hikers who I would be perfectly happy never seeing again. But there are so many more that I badly wish I could meet one last time, for a hug and a "thank you".I am SO THANKFUL for all the weirdos! Hilarious, amazing, wonderful, obnoxious... they brightened my days and made me laugh. They pissed me off and taught me lessons. The jerks made me appreciate the good ones by contrast. I am thankful, in a strange way, for my "romantic" encounters, which reminded me that someday I may love again. I am also thankful that they didn't turn into anything, because I am still a wreck, and probably will be for a while longer. I'm okay with it. I am thankful for Merrell. They replaced those shoes. It was amazing. They have earned my loyalty! Hooray!I'm thankful for Granite Gear, too, for gifting me Gertrude after Bertha broke. What could have been a huge disaster for my hike ended up only being a small hiccup.I am thankful for everyone that supported me in any way throughout this journey.All of you Trail Journals readers, who left comments on my guest book or sent me an email, thank you. Thanks for sharing in my journey. I'm not going to lie, it was kind of weird to pour out some of my innermost thoughts and feelings to a bunch of internet strangers. But what amazing internet strangers there turned out to be in the world! I can't tell you how much it meant to turn on my phone in the middle of the woods and get messages of encouragement. Seriously. I loved the hike, but sometimes it was hard, especially at the end, and every "You can do it!" or "Suck it up!" helped to push me on and remember not to take the trail for granted.I promise, I take all of your words to heart. I will listen to the music (or at least some of it!), and, soon, I will return to the woods for my final trailside breakdown (of this journey, at least), and the catharsis will be wonderful and I will walk away with a weight off of my shoulders. So, again, thank you.And for the non-human things...I am thankful for the AT Phenomenon, for the trail providing in that creepy, bizarre way that it does. I am thankful for trail angels and trail magic of all sorts - from sodas, rides, trail maintenance, beautiful sunrises, and the beauty of nature.I am thankful for peace and solitude, for the ability to THINK all day, to contemplate life and pizza. I am thankful for healing. Maybe not total healing, but at least partial healing. Progress has been made! I am thankful for mountains that tested my strength, and I am thankful for the ability to climb them. I am really thankful that my knees held out. Especially at the end.I am thankful for early mornings, and sunrise hikes. I am thankful, as always, for resilience. What an amazing machine the human body is!I am really thankful for pizza and M&Ms, fueling me along. Eventually I will lose these 15 freaking pounds, but jeez I did enjoy those pizzas and M&Ms. So much. I may dream about pizza and M&Ms forever.I am thankful to have my internship to look forward to, and a place to bike, hike, and dream.I am thankful for INSPIRATION! I have so many more adventures to plan, and things to try! I am thankful for Katahdin! What an epic ending to the journey. I am thankful for the ending, which really is just a beginning.I am sure this list will be added to as time passes. I wanted to at least post part of it before I crashed for the night. And you know what? I am thankful for a bed to sleep in, and a home to come back to after a long journey. I am thankful that when I wake up in the morning, my mom will be there. Never underestimate yourself, and never underestimate your family, whether they are a family by blood or trail or any other bond.