Date: 2005-06-06
From: Hiawassee, Georgia

To: Franklin, North Carolina
Miles today: 56.0

Okay, this is the second of three group emails I sent to everybody on my email list. This covers our travels from Hiawassee, Georgia (where the first email left off), to Franklin, North Carolina, in a nutshell...eventually, I'll have all of this broken down by day, but until then, this is what you get!(May 13th, 2005 through May 16th, 2005)Howdy Everybody! Well, since there aren't exactly toilets around every corner out here, one doesn't have a bunch of options, except for to just dig a hole, and, well, you know... Okay. It's been a little more than a month since my last update, and a ton of stuff has happened, so I'm gonna apologize in advance to all of you who fall asleep drooling on your keyboards while reading this!! Okay. Ready? Here we go... When I last emailed, Cody and I had just arrived in Hiawassee, Georgia. Upon arrival, we found the beer to be flowing like never before. It was like meeting a wonderful friend, all over again!! Let me just say, however, that drinking beers like they are the last liquids on the face of the earth, after miles of grueling hiking up and down mountains, is NOT the best thing for re-hydrating a completely de-hydrated body. Lesson learned! We stayed in the luxurious Holiday Inn Express, courtesy of two awesome guys from Mississippi (Mark and Chris, you know who you are!), who let us crash with them. Also in the mix was "Roof," who I still refer to as "Brooklyn Mark." Roof, I hope the trail is treating you well! All of us were gonna check out a local bluegrass festival, until we found out that it was 25 bucks a person! Nuts! We were about to leave, when we ran into a guy that worked at Neels Gap (the first gear outfitter that we stopped at; the guys there literally saved our trip, by helping us lighten our packs, and helping me with my nasty blisters); he's a two-time thru-hiker, and he asked us if we were gonna check out the music; we said that we wanted to, but it was a bit pricy. He pulled out his wallet, and handed me FIFTY DOLLARS IN CASH!! This is what they call "trail magic" out here. He told us that he expected us to have a good time, and that he hoped someone would do the same for him, if he were hiking. Cody and I had an awesome time...great music, and some fun mingling with the locals. After we drank Hiawassee's beer supply dry, it was time to move on. The Mississippi boys were headed back home, and so Cody, Brooklyn Mark, and I hiked out... The three of us hit our first state line crossing that evening, leaving Georgia and entering North Carolina, en route to the Muskrat Creek Shelter. I always wandered what the heck a muskrat looks like...still do. Anywho, the next day, we lost track of Brooklyn Mark, and haven't seen him since! By the way, Roof, we got lost on that side trail too, but eventually found Rock Gap Shelter!! From there, Cody and I hiked on. We could both feel the tension that day. Things were pretty cruddy, and we were getting annoyed, both with each other, and just with stuff in general. As we were hiking, I came around a corner, only to find Cody talking to a guy in army pants. This guy looked certifiable from fifty yards, and I could only imagine what he and Cody might be talking about! As I found out later, it was more like, what WEREN'T they talking about!! His name was Artimus Autlav. He made sure we knew that his last name was a clever, Finnish spin for the word Outlaw.This guy prefaced our conversations by telling me that I could expect to see him take several "one-hits" off of his weed stash. This was apparently necessary because of his daily required dose of morphine, which he explained was necessary after he was "shot up" twice while doing some sort of top-secret work for "our government." As he rambled along, from subject to subject, none of which seemed to relate in the least to each other, he explained that: 1) After doing his genealogical research for what must have been at least the last two thousand years, he discovered that he was related to Russian czars, English Kings, American political big-wigs, every Spanish explorer you can think of, and maybe even a pope or three. 2) He lamented how difficult life was around his house during his child-bearing years, which apparently were compressed into just a few, mainly because he kept each of his two wives pregnant at the same time!! He couldn't understand why the two wives couldn't get along, and he encouraged them to seek counseling to work out their "issues." 3) He told us of his undying love for old coins. He showed us a really cool one, and told us that one of his grandmothers gave it to him. He loved and revered his grandmothers, which I counted at least 8 of during his rambling, all of whom lived to be at least 105 years old, but no older than 112 years of age.! 4) In perhaps his finest moment, Artimus pulled out all of the stops. He wanted to share with us a plan that he had. It was to be a plan to bring people together. Before going any further, though, he randomly interjected his own story with a quick note to us that he had recently been forced to seek psychiatric help. Geez, tell me something I didn't already know! However, if there would have been any doubts as to his mental state, this last bit brings it all home. So, this plan to bring people together was really quite simple: Artimus was going to buy Icelandic sheep (which he knew way too much about!), and bring them to the fields of North Carolina to graze. He also intended to let the law-making bodies of the state know about his plan to use the sheep to replace commercial lawn-mowing equipment, so that highway medians could be more naturally maintained! That was the plan. What?!? Yikes! 5) I thought it was over, and that we'd escape safely, but Artimus still had one left up his sleeve. He apparently has quite a bit of geological knowledge, and so, he started showing us old mine quarries on the mountain. Just to let you know, cody LOVES rocks and minerals! Artimus told us that he would drive us to a ruby quarry, about 6 miles away, and have us back and on the trail in about an hour! What, am I nuts?! Thinking of ways to politely decline, I was shocked to hear Cody say, "sure." Huh?!? So, as they got into his old Dodge truck, and Artimus showed us his gun, I bid them goodbye (I declared that I would hike ahead, and that Cody should catch up later), and tried to figure out how I was gonna tell Cody's family about the last time that I saw him!! Well, anyways, Cody did return safely, about two hours later. I hiked forward two miles, and stopped to do some writing. When he caught up, we chatted, and decided to hike back down the mountain, and to the road, so that we could try to re-group and save this trip from blowing up on us. Franklin, North Carolina, here we come... TO BE CONTINUED... Chris (aka "Loofa")