Date: 2004-09-01
From: Unnamed Campsite

To: Congdon Lean-to
Miles today: 4.5

Today was rough! A combination of stresses and illness really had me down . For the first time on the trail I actually contemplated quitting¢¦but quitting is not an option for me. I woke up with no one around and my stomach in knots. I was alone in my tent and I didn¢t want to move. So I didn¢t. From dawn to sometime in the early afternoon I curled up in my tent, read a book, and ate my hiker snacks. Over about 8 hours I finished the book ¢Deception Point¢. While the book was nice it was only a vice for me to avoid facing the day. At 3 p.m. I finally packed up; the mist of the morning was gone, the sun was high, & my head was reeling. As I did finally begin my day, here were some of my issues: A) By covering 2 miles yesterday and having no hope of more than 5 today, I have eaten 2 extra days of food. B) I¢m broke. A trail angel sent me money and food in Dalton. I used the money, and sent the food ahead not thinking I¢d need it. Oops! C) I have 5 days (or more) left to Killington where my next food drop is, and 3 days of food to get me there. D) I felt ill and generally out of sorts, & E) I know something deeper is irking me. With all of these swirling through my mind I forced myself to begin. My hiking today was a battle. My goal was simple: Get to the shelter! It seemed every other step plunged me into mud. My head felt clammy, my legs ached, and I felt a sense of nausea. I wondered ¢why¢ but promised I would keep walking. I walked by a pond but did not appreciate it. It was all I could do to put one foot before the other. Finally I took a break shortly after the pond and let my head stop spinning. I felt like I had covered 10 miles but I knew I had really done under 4. Whenever I was not focused on my physical condition, I seemed to be stressing about my hike. After a break (which in retrospect I see my body needed) I finished the last stretch of trail to the shelter. My goal had not been to relax, it had not been to enjoy my surroundings, it had not been to pray; it had simply been to ¢reach the shelter¢. It¢s, of course, not shocking that the only goal I achieved was the one I set. At 6:15 p.m. I staggered into the shelter. At the shelter I met 2 sobos: ¢Comfortably Numb¢ and ¢Torch¢ (?). They were friendly and we joked about the mud. I told them I was down, and about my food stresses. ¢Comfortably Numb¢ gave me some Pop Tarts and Torch gave me a plastic spoon (I lost my spork). While I was not magically happy, I finally stopped to smile. Less than hungry, I said ¢good night¢, bundled up (it¢s gonna be cold¢¦brr), and I set out to write this journal in the bunk. While writing here I realize that I have not been hiking like myself lately. Of course, my day will suck if I¢m a total pessimist. Furthermore, worrying is NOT the answer to stress. I heard an old saying that worrying is like a rocking chair ¢ it keeps you moving, but you don¢t get anywhere. In the Bible (Philippians 4:6,7) it tells us not to worry but to present our requests to God. As I go to sleep I just want to let go. Tomorrow I just want to be hopeful and trust God. I know despite a rough 3 days that I have a lot further to hike. Please pray for me. Goodnight, BEATBOX   ttt