Date: 2014-04-16
From: Demascus

To: Demascus to War Spur Shelter
Miles today: 0.0

Not every day out here is bliss. Lately I've found myself succumbing to what many refer to as the "Virginia Blues". Now I'm not one to blame an entire state on a bad mood, but Virginia does happen to be at that point on the trail where the honeymoon excitement of living each day in the woods has (for the most part) passed and the lack of huge climbs and phenomenal views makes the hiking a smidge monotonous. The only saving grace is that there are next to no switchbacks and the ridge walking is littered with rocks. (...Did you catch the sarcasm in that?) I'm only saying that this fine state, by no fault of its own, is subject to making a hiker restless. I, for one, have been feeling extremely homesick. After spending two weeks with Two Weeks and seeing my sweet Magic Mama at both the beginning and end of that time (and of course enjoying her endless kindness and lovin' each time she visited), I have been struggling to remain motivated. Despite the amazing free hot yummy breakfast trail magic from the small congregation of New Hope Union Church on Monday, the slack packing over the weekend, and great views from grassy pasturelands on several occasions, I have felt a heaviness in my heart. I have always been one to love being home with friends and family near by. I try to make a point of spending quality time with the people I love most, but out here, I feel so very far from that close comfort. Three days ago, I woke up hoping to push the twenty miles to Woods Hole Hostel before the freezing temperatures and accompanying afternoon showers hit. Unfortunately, I was ill prepared when freezing rain and eventually snow began falling around 2 PM while I was hoping that the side trail I'd found did lead back to the AT as planned (thus eliminating 4 uphill miles). I pushed on in my shorts and chacos, as I was too cold to stop moving for even a few moments, and walked the last half mile to the hostel choking back tears, unable to shake the desperation I felt at being miserably cold with frozen fingers and toes. And rather than being met with a towel or blanket, a warm cup of hot chocolate, and a seat by the fire (as I hoped to find as I crossed the door's threshold), I was instead tossed a hand towel, told to wipe off, and forced to listen to the long list of "housekeeping" business that may or may not concern me. When I was finally shown my room, I just sat on the bed and sobbed. The overwhelming feeling of "I need a mama" made the crowded hostel seem quite lonely, with the exception of my darling Nails who joined me in the room and wrapped a blanket around me while sharing in how awful the afternoon had been. The next day, we splurged on the most wonderful massages, which did indeed refresh our minds and bodies, before hiking a lovely ten miles into Pearisburg for an early Chinese buffet supper and a stay at the Holiday Motor Inn. Sadly, that rejuvenation didn't last. As I began the climb out of town yesterday, I felt so down, tears coming and going. Once I reached the first shelter, just 7 miles out, I met up with Longhaul who told me that he and everyone else had decided to go to the next shelter. Rather than remain with friends on what I knew would be a chilly night, I stupidly decided to nap for three hours in the sunny grass near the shelter. While utterly delightful at the time, I woke to realize that I did not have enough daylight to push on. So as I faced what a figured would be a cold night all alone, I couldn't help but to wonder why I was out here hiking when it seems that all that I love is back home. I pathetically forced myself to eat my dinner of half-cooked rice while intermittently sobbing uncontrollably. I'm sure I would've been a sight to see! After crying myself to the point of having a headache, I laid down to sleep some more, watching the beautiful purples and pinks of the sunset in the distance. Even this morning, as I felt quite low, I saw more deer prancing through the woods than I have seen my entire time on the trail. See, it is not the state of Virginia that is the issue, but rather my own emotional state that has brought me to some of my all-time trail lows. Thankfully, a heartfelt pep talk from my mama and about fourteen more miles worth of endorphins brought me back around again and life is once again beautiful and my hike once again worthwhile. But for the lack of elevation change, I sure do feel as though I've been riding a rollar coaster! (It absolutely does not help that as a woman I am subject to a rather unpredictable range of emotions due to hormonal changes throughout the month!) All in all, I am grateful that even the worst of times are coupled with wonderful moments that remind me to appreciate this time. Never again in life will I be as free or as rich in experience as I am now. So rather than wishing the days away, I am doing my best to keep my chin up, look towards clear skies ahead, and enjoy the days as they come. After all, I didn't come out here just for the butterflies, bunnies, and rainbows. It's through our weakness that we become strong.