Date: 2015-02-07
To: One man gathers what another man spills...sort of
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: clear sky

I wrote this after my trip to the REI garage sale back in January. I am deep in the equipment buying mode, so I thought I would share this. Its intended to be a humorous description of a what was a humorous experience....At some point in any wanna-be AT hiker¢s transition from a ¢this is something on my bucket list that I want to do¢ fantasy to the point of actually purchasing the necessary gear, the wallet busting ugly truth about the cost of hiking equipment light enough to be humped 2,200 miles becomes a dreaded reality. For me, the epiphany occurred in the REI store located on Highway 242 in Tomball, Texas. It was two days after Christmas 2014 and lucky for me my brother Chris and his son Kyle were there to prop me up when I made the shocking discovery that the sleeping bag that I had been directed to, an REI 20 degree down Igneo Long, could be part of my journey for only three hundred and nineteen dollars. Shit, I don¢t think my mattress at home cost that much! In an attempt to calm my frugal nerves we made our way into the clothing section via the sporks and other neat stuff aisle.   Being cold on my hike worries me, being wet and cold scares the hell out me. Luckily, the good folks at Arc¢teryk feel the same way and were kind enough to offer a solution, the three hundred and fifty dollar Beta Hybrid jacket. In Arc¢teryk¢s words this is a ¢durable waterproof/breathable hard shell that¢s super lightweight and packs down small.¢ All I could think was for this kind of loot this thing better not only keep you dry in a rain shower it should be able to actually control the weather!For a grand total of seven hundred and three dollars ¢out the door price¢ I could have walked out with two essential items crossed off my things to buy list or I could have stood there with look off sheer sticker price fear. I chose to do the later and it must be the look REI sales people are trained to recognize as our guy Pete was there to talk me down from what ¢insiders¢ must refer to as the REI ledge. ¢If you are not doing your hike until 2016 don¢t buy anything today¢, he said in a hushed tone, ¢we have sales coming up¢. Then he leaned in closer and dropped his tone down to that ¢I am fixing to tell you where the secret fishing hole is¢ level and proceeded to tell me about the REI garage sale which amazingly enough was to be held on Sunday January 4th, less than a week away.   I thanked Pete for the hot tip and wrapped up what quickly went from shopping trip to scouting mission. As we left the store I felt as if I once again beat the system.Everyone loves a garage sale. Social and economic levels cast aside, everyone wants a deal. Add to the euphoria of a good deal to the fact that you are snatching an expensive piece of light weight hiking gear from ¢the man¢ for half the retail price and it¢s a feeling better than the first pangs of an epic orgasm. And so what if the stuff is returned, it can¢t be crap or REI would not resell it, or so I thought. My second flawed assumption was that something as hokey as a retail garage sale would be a low key affair. It would be me and a few other cheap-skates and college kids scrounging for some very useable yet criminally cheap treasures. At the Highway 242 location my inside man Pete suggested I head to the REI Megastore in Houston since they were more likely to have a greater selection of returned gear. To sweeten the deal the Megastore, located at the intersection of Westheimer and Voss, was located just fifteen minutes from my house. Acting on flawed assumptions I hit the parking lot at 9:30 am, thirty minutes before the store opened. It¢s said that the early bird always gets worm and today I was unfortunately not the early bird. As I pulled in I was greeted by what could best be described as a line of humanity that started at the front door of the Megastore and wound its way past the Petco and around the corner. Remaining optimistic I tried to believe that Petco was holding some kind of pet adoption day in conjunction with the garage sale, but that was not the case. The majority of those in line sported a jacket logoed with Patagonia, Marmot, North Face or Columbia, no doubt grabs from previous garage sales.   As I parked my truck I could see that those who held the coveted front of the line positions appeared to be breaking camp. Camping out so that you could be first in line to buy more camping gear, does anyone see the irony in this? The thing about a long line is that it always gets longer. Resisting the urge to abort the mission and head to the nearest Starbucks I schlepped to the back of the line on the side of the Petco where I could not even see the Megastore. And the line just kept growing.Taking place in line behind me was an older gentleman and his wife. He sported a Marmot pullover and seemed sincere enough. Having already ripped through a big cup of coffee on my drive over I was up for a chat and besides, with a line like the one we had just joined, we were going be there for a while. His name was Tim and he was from Baytown, Texas. I never did get his wife¢s name. Tim declared that he was planning to hike the AT. What were the chances that the very next bargain hunter in line was also prepping for a journey of a lifetime? He then waivered a bit and said he might consider the PCT instead. We talked for a while and the line started to move. Evidently the Megastore doors had opened. Tim seemed very knowledgeable about gear. He discussed his start date was uncertain because his early retirement from Exxon/Mobil ended when his former employee realized that they just couldn¢t go on refining gasoline without him. With what appeared to be no lack of funds, I asked him why he drove all the way from Baytown, Texas to stand in line with the masses to which he had no answer. Everyone wants a deal.With a conversation centered around the mutually agreeable subject of light weight hiking gear, the time slipped by and we soon found ourselves at the gateway to the Megastore. And as triumphant as entering the store may sound, it only meant further waiting as the line snaked through the entire store and into the back lot where already at least two hundred penny conscious outdoor enthusiasts scrambled to grab what was worth grabbing. I would later find out the strategy for these early birds was to quickly grab stuff that might be useful and take the time to inspect it as the feeding frenzy died down. As we approached the entrance to the back of the store Tim suggested Trailjournals.com if I was interested in following hikers blogs in the 2015 hiking season. Not knowing it then, other than the friendly conversation with Tim, this would be the only thing tangible or intangible I would leave REI with on this day.Then suddenly I was the next in line. To say I was excited would be an overstatement. At this point I just wanted to see if perhaps there was something left behind that might be useful. My mental list of equipment that I still required was long as at this point in preparations I basically had my Gregory Z65 backpack and an MSR spork.   My chances of success were multiplied by the long list of needs, but I would have to work fast. The gatekeeper suggested I head straight to the back lot where the tents and camping booty was stashed. I slipped through the warehouse by-passing racks of shoes and boots and bins of miscellaneous stuff. Reaching the back lot I was greeted with a horde of people taking down tents and packing up their pile of gear gotten when the getting was good. With the exception the absence of beer cans lying about, the scene was remmissnace of the morning after the last day of the Lockin Music Festival I attended two years earlier. Come to think of it, I probably could have ground scored more useful gear at the music festival than what was left in the Megastore¢s back lot. Don¢t get me wrong, I do believe the first in-liners found some bargains and walked away with some deals, but anything worth grabbing was already grabbed. As I walked past a small pile of returned air mattresses which did not seem to go in the first or second wave or gear grabs, I promised myself to work a little bit harder in 2015 and buy new gear.With prospects of tripping over a near mint four hundred dollar tent for fifty bucks fading fast, I launched into exit mode. As I passed back through the warehouse I felt that pull that all humans are powerless against¢¦. the need to rifle through the bargain bin. What compels us to stoop to such levels? Is it because every once and a while we pull a rabbit out of the hat? And there I stood amongst all the other shoppers who fought the urge and lost. Then I found what appeared to be a rabbit or in this case a cool light weight beanie. Further investigation indicated my new treasure had a hole gnawed in it (probably by a rabbit). Then a Black Diamond headlamp with a return tags on it. This thing looked like it was submerged in a pond for a week or so. I passed. Finally, a pair of walking sticks. Oh the stories these things could tell! With that I concluded I had landed in the REI¢s land of misfit hiking equipment. I broke free of the weakening magnetic force field and made a break to safety or in this case the main showroom. As I emerged empty handed I was surprised to see a long line of eager shoppers waiting for their turn to pick through racks of worn in hiking boots and whatever remained in the bargain bin.Don¢t get me wrong. REI is a cool place and the people who work there are always friendly and helpful. Their return policy is liberal, but then again, that¢s how they are able to stock their quarterly garage sales. Was there some good deals to be had? Sure. However as already indicated, the best chances of a good deal go to those dedicated to showing up early. Maybe next time I will get there at eight?