Date: 2006-03-16
From: Davenport Gap

To: The New Roaring Fork Shelter
Miles today: 18.0
Weather: overcast clouds

I realized a lot today. Maybe God has me alone now for a reason. (Duh). But no for real, I ask God a few days ago "What does this situation expose in me?" At the time I saw nothing. But after days of hiking alone I began to see. There was fear. I don¢ t think it was fear of my surroundings. I mean it was just the woods, I had a knife, and I can protect myself. I think the fear was more of a relational fear coming to the surface. A fear of once again being abandoned, I didn¢t know what Messenger was thinking. ¢Maybe he just didn¢t want to hike with me anymore?¢ ¢Is there something wrong with me?¢ I thought. The master deceiver was quick to whisper lies into my ear¢¦ ¢Yes, look you are a coward¢, ¢No one loves you¢, ¢You can¢t ever trust people, and they will always leave you, Andrew.¢ All lies. I believed them for a while. Then decided to start fighting back with the little strength I had left. ¢Jesus, I need you, Jesus help me, Jesus¢¦¢ over and over the name of ¢Jesus¢ crossed my chapped lips. It was getting early evening and I had only seen one other hiker all day. I starting walking out of the woods and saw massive grassy hills everywhere. I got a little excited about new scenery and picked up my pace. It took me about 30 minutes to go up Max Patch but as I limped up the hill I started to see something that I have never quite seen before. Right there in front of my eyes as I summitted the grassy knoll was the one of the most magnificent views I have ever laid my eyes on. No artist could ever portray what I saw. No words can do it justice. Bright pastels in ever direction, a rich dark orange sun beginning it¢s descent behind endless rows of shadowy mountain ranges 180 degrees around. The beauty took me back. My heart began to beat faster and I felt I was in a different world. I tried so desperately to savor the moment. It was the spoonful of hope that I needed to go on. I felt like God was telling me ¢Braveheart, everything is going to be alright¢. The scene I was in reminded me of William Wallace as he ran over the Scottish Highlands, except I looked like a homeless man and my left felt like it had been replaced by a wooden prosthetic, as my left knee has begun to swell and I sort of had to swing it around to move. Then as I was waddling down the mountain a deer ran down the hill, saw me and took off in the other direction. I am not making this up. This was just another slice of hope that made me laugh out loud. I made it a couple more miles down the mountain and reentered the inky tunnels of rhododendron and dark woods. I ran into Dreamer and Rambler who tented right off the trail they could not find the shelter that was suppose to be near there, neither of them had seen messenger all day. We thought we might have heard some voices so I decided to go a little further up the trail to check. I found the shelter with Cedar Moe, Yahtzee, and Matthewski. Cedar and Yahtzee said they saw Messenger around lunch near Max patch and that they didn¢t see him pass all day. So they thought he was now behind me and maybe tented off the trail somewhere. I slept there in soreness, but in peace.