Date: 2016-04-24
To: View Entry
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: clear sky

I really wanted to write a journal entry for my one year anniversary of climbing Springer, but I was too lazy.I have been SO RIDICULOUSLY LAZY lately. Also, it is really hard for me to get into the mindset of journaling. Hiking makes it easier. It was easy on the trail, but often feels impossible now.I really have been lazy. Some digestive issues have forced me to give up my goal of running a half marathon with Allie and Alexa in June. All that extra pounding on my guts from running was making life very unpleasant. Coco ran a half marathon weeks ago. But my body just can't take it. Sometimes I get really frustrated, but then I think of all the abuse I put my body through last year, and think I am probably still recovering. It's a miracle I haven't fallen apart.Anyway, I have decided to do more hiking instead of running. Hopefully I can get in good weekend hikes. This week + weekend, I got in THREE hikes. But the budget just passed at my new job and I am officially working full time now. HOORAY ADULTHOOD!I HATE ADULTHOOD. Too much work. Too much sitting. Too much freedom to eat as much chocolate as I can without vomiting (I have a problem).Okay, it's not THAT bad. I am exaggerating. I love the organization I work with. My coworkers are beyond wonderful. The work is varied and interesting (and even a little overwhelming). It's a challenge. It is not high-paying, of course. I don't think that I will be able to move away from mom and the Pizza Fairy quite yet. But it is good experience, and may eventually lead to better things.And I can always try to be a Maine State Trooper if it gets miserable. Except I need to be able to do push ups. I can't do push ups.Life has been busy. I was looking up tickets to Japan a few months ago, and found some super cheap ones. Being my frivolous self, I thought, THIS COULD BE YOUR LAST CHANCE BEFORE YOU GET A REAL JOB. JUST DO IT!Totally financially irresponsible. Like I said, mom and the Pizza Fairy will be stuck with me for a while.TOTALLY WORTH IT. Candace and I climbed Mt Takao in Japan. THAT'S RIGHT. I hiked up a mountain (not a shocker) in Japan (totally awesome). It was a good climb, too. There were a LOT of stairs. I got all sweaty and smelly and felt a little guilty riding the train.I am incredibly lucky to have my super amazing family, many members of which contributed financially to my trip. And Candace and I went shopping and picked out a wedding dress for her to wear when she comes home for her American wedding party this summer (this was my primary mission in JapanWe also went to Tokyo Disneyland (thanks to a financial contribution from my new boss... I really do love my new coworkers). I RODE SPACE MOUNTAIN TWICE. I wish I could bold twice. I will try.It was fantastic.We also climbed eight billion stairs on Enoshima. I swear I am only slightly exaggerating.Anyway, I should be talking about hiking. This is a trail journal, right?THE TRAIL.I hiked the trail this weekend!I have not been hiking enough. It felt good to forgive myself the stupid running and mentally allow myself a hiking weekend. I joined two AMC group hikes (mom and Dan bought me an AMC membership for Christmas). I have been a little unmotivated lately, making myself go with a group forces me to actually GO, and stay. There were a few days last week when I woke up early to run and then just went back to sleep. SEE?! SO LAZY.So I signed up for three hikes this week (my aunt and cousin and cousin's friend came on a shorter but still challenging weekday hike). This is very un-Red Pandalike. Usually I am very against hiking with others for a long period of time. However, these hikes generally require people to be in good shape, so they keep a good pace. I was actually really worried that I wouldn't be able to keep up on Saturday because I haven't been hiking lately. It was a bit brutal, but I survived (clearly, or you wouldn't be reading this).It was good, though. So good for me. My heart needed it. I have been inside too much. Greylock was cold and windy but I finally got to see the view I missed last year.And today... today was a little bit of a disaster due to poor planning. But luckily I brought AWOL's guide with me and realized that we were definitely not going in the right direction at one point. We only got slightly lost. I am very very very thankful that mom gave me another nice, new copy of the guidebook for Christmas (she's the best). My stack of folded and marked pages is an incomplete mess. I will treasure it forever.The only problem is that hiking makes me SO HUNGRY. I eat too many snacks. I love snacks. It's bad. I keep getting chubbier. I am hoping being a real adult now will help with that.Just kidding, I will never be a real adult.As I was hiking today, past the place where SOG talked my ear off for like an hour and a half straight, and smelling that old familiar hiker stink (of the guy in front of me, not my own stink), and remembering sleeping between the railroad tracks and highway at Native Landscapes (and also the excellent pizza I had delivered there), and climbing back over the stiles, and meandering through the cow pasture (resisting the urge to scream ahead at my group, WILL YOU HIKE FASTER PLEASE), and peeking at the trail register in a shelter......as I was hiking today, I just wanted to throw down my poles, turn around, hike to my car, and drive home.I wanted to retrieve Gertrude from her resting place in the basement, cram her full of Thermarest and sleeping bag and alcohol stove.I wanted to thru-hike all over again.The rhythm and peace and exhaustion of the hike... the fresh air and grass and trees and buds and sprouts coming to life... I want to watch that happen. And not from an office window in Hartford.What a bummer.But I plan on a summer full of hikes. Running just isn't the same. It burns calories faster, and I love it sometimes when it's not killing my guts. But it's not the same as hiking. The engagement, the mental state - hiking is just different.Anyway, I am a tired Panda. But still going. Still dreaming. Still eating way too much pizza (yes, I did eat pizza tonight... and a chocolate bar...).I have a blister on one foot and a potentially infected toenail on the other. I am exhausted and I have neglected about 20 chores.But I feel happy. I miss that almost as much as I miss the trail. Not that I am never happy, but these days I wake up thinking, "Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like?!" and try not to be too glum as I drive an hour to Hartford.Because it WON'T be. I won't let it be. I will just live off of my poor mom forever (I am the biggest spoiled brat ever). Save for a few years, go on a big adventure. Repeat.Bibbulmun Track 2017?! I wish.I am thankful for my family, the patience of my mother and support of my father. I am thankful for my Pizza Fairy's presence in my life (and not just because he buys me pizza). I am thankful for AWOL's guide, new hikers, and this wonderful tiredness. I am thankful for gas money in my account and friends. I am thankful for my twin and adventures in Japan (I miss you!). I am thankful for my adorable, obnoxious, rambunctious kitten. I am thankful for kind coworkers and a steady job.Life's not so bad.My hands are falling asleep from typing on my phone (yes, I am in bed, I am that lazy. Two 13+ mile days kicked my butt. I USED TO BE A HIKING MACHINE. Now I am Pathetic Panda, struggling up slight inclines with a tiny day pack ). So it's time for bed. Back to adulthood tomorrow.