Date: 2019-05-06
From: Curley Maple Gap Shelter

To: Campsite after Beauty Spot
Miles today: 8.0
Weather: overcast clouds

Today was a late start. I told you all how this trail is so mental for me. Well it¢s true. And it¢s emotional. Prometheus and I got so close so quickly, and I was really hurting after what happened. I love him as my friend and love his presence in my trail life. He woke up early as usual and headed out. Hot Sauce was taking her time and I was chatting with Unicorn. I just needed to vent, so I told Unicorn what happened with Prometheus. I didn¢t want to gossip at all, I just needed someone to talk to. Unicorn and NAB were headed to the shelter I was thinking about that was in 12 miles or so. Denver, Hot Sauce, and Prometheus were thinking about crazy miles. They wanted to go 19 miles or something like that. To each their own, hike your own hike, but I knew Prometheus was not interested in that mileage. He had told me they were pushing too hard and that he just wanted to slow down and enjoy his hike. But I needed to stay out of it all for the moment. A woman came up to the shelter while I was sulking. Her name was Rocky. She got that name because she fell and cracked her head open on a rock. She¢s a freaking badass. She¢s been through four marriages, and one of them was with an abusive husband who did horrible things to her and shot her (she still has pain in the spot where it happened) and she¢s had cancer and had both breasts removed, and almost died from kidney failure. She¢s literally amazing. She opened up to me about all of this and I was just blown away. My problems seemed trivial compared to what she went through. But despite that, I want to validate my problems too. At my age, everything hurts. I haven¢t experienced enough to be able to brush it all off. I¢m getting better at that for sure, but I still experience new pains that I don¢t know how to deal with. I know it all makes me stronger and that someday I will be as wise and tough as Rocky. But right now I¢m still young and vulnerable and keep getting hurt by things I don¢t know how to deal with. It was wonderful to talk with her. Mama Squirrel came up too. I was so happy to be in the company of such tough, wise women who are out here doing what I¢m doing, but at three times my age. Another woman who was younger, Snowflake, came up too with advice. I felt powerful with my fellow women around me, chatting about life. I have so much to learn, I know. And yet I was praised for my maturity by them too. Snowflake got a dog while on trail and trained it to walk with her, and the dog has been loyal and loving and active. It¢s been the perfect companion. It made me think of getting a dog. I want one so badly. I finally left the shelter at a ridiculously late time. The terrain wasn¢t too bad, but it did start to climb a lot. It was headed up to this spot called Beauty Spot. I stopped just before Beauty Spot to take a pack break. I sat in the grass and Rocky was stopped there. She was having a tough time because she had cut her head open and had stayed in the hospital, and then slackpacked to make up the miles, and this was her first day back on trail with full pack. I sat for so long. Today was just bleh. I finally got up and walked up to Beauty Spot. It was beautiful, as expected. It was sort of like Max Patch though; a big bald with a view. I met this guy sitting in the grass who said you could order pizza up here. We called the pizza place to confirm and they said no, so I guess it was a rumor on the Guthook app. The guy¢s name was Pumpkin because he wears an orange rain coat. He¢s adorable. He could see I was having a rough time and said ¢wanna be buddies?¢ We walked down to the next water source together and there was a campsite there. Pumpkin decided to set up camp, so I did too. I hadn¢t walked very far at all, but whatever. I was so done. This trail is 85% mental for me and I just have to recognize when my mind isn¢t there, even if my body is.I set up my tent and got water and brought my food up to the campfire ring. It was chilly and I wanted a fire. Where was Prometheus when I needed him? I decided I could build my own fire and build my confidence back up a little bit. I got all the little sticks to start it and Mama Squirrel showed up. She was going to go farther, but she saw me and said ¢it¢s one of my favorite kiddos!¢ She stayed and I was so happy. She gave me a bit of toilet paper to help with my fire and I started it up. It was slow to get going, but it worked. With any fire, you have to spend some time tending to it, and I was definitely doing that. When I make a fire at home, I obsess over it too. But it was worth it because I got a roaring fire going. Pumpkin left for a bit to go watch the sunset and take a time-lapse of that. Mama Squirrel and I chatted. There was a girl and her dad there, but they went to bed before us. Her name was John McCain and his was Chef Leroy. They were super chill. Chef helped me with my bear line. I threw it several times and missed every time, and he came over and threw it once and made it. Lol great. I was struggling to eat, shock. Pumpkin came down and helped me finish my mac and cheese. He is such a sweetheart. He¢s one of the 20-miles a day people though. So I doubt I¢ll see him again for a while. He¢s pretty intense and was on the National Rowing Team and runs marathons and has his PhD. I could tell he wanted to go to bed because he seems pretty disciplined. He helped me pull my food bag up on my line, and then we went to bed. Today was rough. I thought about Prometheus all day and wondered where he was. I missed him so much and wished I could resolve everything that happened. For now, I needed the space, but it was really hard. I was so miserable. I was hoping I could go farther tomorrow and maybe catch him in a few days so we could chat again. Little Debbie