Date: 2023-08-22
From: White Rocks Rec Area

To: Governor Clement Shelter
Miles today: 14.2

Funeral planned and attended, logistics that required me physically there sorted as best as it could be, I decided to head back up again. The past month constantly leaving and coming back for a wedding + my grandfather was really destabilizing, and I was unsure if I could get back into the rhythm of hiking alone. It was so hard to be alone the last time on trail I felt I had to meet up with someone otherwise I would just crumble - I needed that friendly face as well as reason to get up and hike and meet someone at the end of the day.  Gone were the self-motivated days of hiking alone enjoying the freedom, right now I was weighed down with grief that felt like weights around my ankles and a neutron star in my pack. Unfortunately my friends had moved further on and it was much more complex to get to than to Great Barrington, and I had to ride trains and take another long shuttle but trail made me much more patient for this sort of thing, and I was feeling numb otherwise. I met up with Rabbit who had been in town because his parents were visiting, and they graciously let me crash their rental. I didn't sleep well, but we got dropped off and we were off (after first using their very nice put privy at the parking lot - one of the thruhiking commandments is Thou Shall Not Pass Up a Nice Bathroom).We were hiking and chatting when we passed signs for trail magic that promised 'vortex ahead' which was talking big game. We found two guys with a portable Coleman grill making blueberry pancakes and a foldable table groaning under the weight of fresh cut fruits, gas cans (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), duct tape, a weighing scale to check pack weights, etc. Rabbit and I measured our packs which were now heavier with winter gear, and despite his being smaller and not carrying a bear can, we clocked at 28.3 and 24.8lb respectively and I lorded it over him a bit.We were not vortexed, and continued off enjoying the gorgeous weather. It was low 70s, breezy, sunny, no humidity - in other words, absolute perfection. Time flew by quickly and we broke for lunch by Clarendon Shelter which was nestled by a river (swollen by the crazy rains this spring and summer) and was gorgeous. I commented this was my first good day on trail I've had since July and he replied 'well you haven't really hiked this month' which true.... but largely due to forces outside my control. Rabbit suggested we stop at Stone's Throw Farm on the way to our shelter, and while I usually HATE nighthiking I realized that this it wasn't PA I could probably nighthike more safely and I didn't want to be regimented by arbitrary rules I made for myself when I knew I could do it. I am a hiking pro at this point! (Not really but with over 100 days in the backcountry in this specific environment and time of year under my belt at this point I was very comfortable with it compared to when I was starting out at Springer and filtering with my Sawyer for the first time). More importantly it was getting dark earlier and earlier... used to be 9pm but today it would be 7:40pm. You notice sunsets while working, but you are keenly attuned to it when you are outside all day and your days are dictated by the sun's position in the starry firmament. All this is to say this ended up being a wonderful blue blaze (food blaze?) as the farm was GORGEOUS and it was golden hour so the fields and alpaca were beautifully illuminated. The stand had fancy snacks - I bought coffee ice cream with raspberries and Rabbit got blueberry cream and mixed berry sorbet, we shared a red wine garlic salami, and both got maple syrup water seltzer (your guess is as good as mine) - and we sat outside on the rocking chairs watching the fields reel away and the rainbow multitudes of flowers waving at us in the breeze. It was a perfect feeling of not having to rush anywhere and I was exactly where I wanted to be and ultimately exactly the day I needed for coming back to the AT. Not to be alone and not ignoring my grief, but just in that moment being OK.Reluctantly leaving the farm we made it back to the trail and came upon the shelter (a retired Smokies shelter! So far from home!) and made camp. Cooked in the dark and looked at the stars, and went back to my tent to fall asleep. Wild that the Whites are within 2 weeks, they have been hyped up for so long and they loom at last - I hope I get to sleep in a hut! I hope the weather holds because it's been gorgeous and perfect out, and I would like to have a nice experience in the Whites and see views from the ridge walks.