Date: 2006-03-19
To: Mrs. Roper's Mu-mu - by Molly Weiner
Miles today: 0.0

CLEANING OUT LEFTY¢S CLOSETBy:Molly WeinerI came to San Francisco this weekend from LA on a 10 HOUR BUS RIDE to attend the West Coast Kick Off Party for Lefty, Buoy & Righy's AT hike. I was not happy about sitting on the bus for that long. I told the bus driver that I should have walked and I would have gotten there quicker. Then I remembered where I was going, to the party of three brave fools who are going to walk for 6 months strait, and then the bus didn¢t seem so bad after all¢¦¢¦actually it WAS pretty bad. Anyways the party was fabulous. We woke up the morning after the party and took a look at the never ending ¢to-do¢ list of chores to take care of before the hike begins.Chore number one: Clean out the closet and donate any clothes that are not worn anymore to allow more space for the sub-letters. Lefty prefaced the task by adding that she has always had a hard time parting with clothes because they have sentimental value. The first item out of the closet was an enormous black frock with fluorescent birds on it and the words Nicaragua emblazoned on the front. ¢Mrs. Roper called she wants her mu mu back.¢ I said. To say that fashion was one of lefty¢s strong points would be like saying Hitler was a little bossy. Next came a barrage of soiled tank tops, blazers with shoulder pads the size of MT. Washington¢¦.. high water kakis, high water dress pants, high water¢s period. ¢I should keep these!¢ Lefty protested. ¢Are you expecting a tsunami in the near future?¢ I asked. ¢What about these jeans?¢ Lefty exclaimed presenting me with a pair of faded acid wash jeans. ¢When were you a groupie for Bon Jovie?¢ I asked.. ¢This is the first shirt I ever bought at the Gap circa 1982!¢ Lefty boasted, holding up a size 2 khaki shirt with the stores logo proudly displayed on the bosom. ¢And your proud of that because¢¦?¢ I inquired.After seeping through dresses that looked like they were hand sewn by the Amish, long underwear from Germany that looked like concentration camp attire, tunics that looked like they were stolen from the set of the Golden Girls¢¦. and I swear a dashiki¢¦. I had to put my foot down. We were getting nowhere, the garbage bags designated for donation were virtually empty and the piles of clothes to be kept were reaching the height of MT. Katahdin itself. It was almost as if Lefty went out of her way to find and collect all of the clothes that no one would wear as if she was doing a good deed for the fashionable. I suggested that Lefty try the clothes on. I figured the embarrassment of witnessing her reflection in these horrible monstrosities would make her see the light. This seemed to work as Lefty writhed her self into a dress that not even Calista Flockhart on a diet could wear. ¢What are those?¢ I asked. ¢Yoga pants.¢ Lefty replied.¢Do you DO Yoga¢ I asked¢Did you EVER do Yoga?¢ I pressed.¢No¢¦¢¦but I might someday.¢ Into the donation pile they went. ¢Where did you get all these clothes?¢ I asked, hesitating to even refer to them as clothes.¢Well, people give them to me.¢ Says Lefty.¢To punish you?¢ I asked.4 hours and 6 garbage bags later we were seeing progress. And all the clothes that were keepers were neatly folded and stored into large tupperwear bins. We went out for Indian food and had a good laugh.Tomorrow we tackle the next item on the list¢¦¢¦deciding what clothes to bring on the hike!