Date: 2015-09-04
To: View Entry
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: scattered clouds

Red Panda Terrible Person has some explaining to do.I have said before that I have tried to be honest here. I have tried to give an accurate account of my trail life. I have no idea why. Throwing my innermost thoughts and feelings around for complete strangers to enjoy is kind of a bizarre thing to do. Maybe I was sick of editing my life. Especially at the end of my hike, I refrained from writing many, many details that I felt were kind of vital to my experience. And why? Because I didn't want to hurt any feelings. Because anyone could have read those words, like the people I spent so much time with on the trail. But I slipped up. I made an impolite reference to a hiker by name. I wasn't Sweetheart Red Panda.I guess I should have written, "I have never met Outlier, so I honestly can't give an opinion on her either way. Honestly, she seemed like a nice person to me. She gave a pleasant greeting as I passed her." Personally, I have nothing against her. I don't know her at all, and by saying that, I meant to infer all of the above... that just because I haven't heard nice things about her, I didn't think badly of her.Hikers talk about hikers. It seemed like 75% of the conversations I bad during the last week were "Have you seen SoandSo?" and "I wish I could see SoandSo again." and "Did we tell you about the time SoandSo did SuchandSuch?" Another fact of AT life. Rumors are spread, but I don't just assume that I won't like a person just because of word of mouth, unless they have done something REALLY TERRIBLE.So here is a public apology. I am sorry. Seriously. I feel shamed. Internet slap in the heart has been effective. Maybe my AT journey to be a better person was a failure after all.But, to everyone else, PLEASE know that the trail is comprised of all kinds of hikers. Some are wonderful. Some are jerks. The ones that I think are jerks have plenty of friends who would not agree. It is a fact of life. I am not sorry for not liking everyone I met over the last five months. I am not perfect.The trail taught me a lot about first impressions, and that are not a good indicator of a person. There were SO MANY people who irritated me at first, who I came to look forward to seeing and hearing about after I got to know them.I was wrong to address her by name. At the same time, I am 100% sure that there were plenty of people on the trail telling stories about me. I'm sure I ticked off a few hikers by being impatient or rudely attempting to sidle out of a conversation. Not everyone can get along with everyone. Not everyone likes everyone. Those are the facts of life.And you know what? I now have also been slammed on a public forum. Karma? I suppose so. But that's life! Jeez, if I tried to please everyone I would have even more of a complex than I have now. I would be in constant basket case mode. I'm not living that way. Welcome back to the real world, Red Panda. Welcome back to learning how to deal with people. Welcome back to the fun, fun drama of adulthood.Suddenly I remember why I ran off into the woods to begin with. And even though I have missed the trail, I haven't felt such a depressing desire to escape again until right about now.But I won't. I can't. This is life, right? Not every adventure is fun. BUT THAT WON'T STOP ME.Judge me, as you should. But if the trail taught me anything, it's that I am who I am, and I can't run away from THAT. A week ago, I climbed Katahdin. Tonight, I will celebrate with my family, and my friends. I will remember the person I used to be. I will consider the person I have become.I am thankful for a lesson, and perspective.