Date: 2003-06-29
From: Raccoon Branch Shelter

To: Partnership Shelter
Miles today: 13.1
Weather: scattered clouds

Happy Anniversary to Erin & David! Just think what we were doing six years ago today¢¦Today was a day of surprises.I managed to hit the Trail about 7:30am, and with a half-hour breakfast stop at Trimpi shelter (a nice one, with a fireplace! But lots of mosquitoes¢¦), arrived at Partnership at 12:30! Yee-haw ¢ I¢m rolling. Loving these flat Virginia trails.At Partnership, not a soul was to be seen. First thing to catch my eye was a sign that read, ¢Hephzibah, Call your father. USFS¢ I knew; in Hot Springs three weeks ago I¢d learned my grandpa wasn¢t doing very well.Sure enough, my mom had made the trip across the country to my grandparents¢ on Friday and predicted less than a day or so for him to live. Most of the cousins and my aunt were all there as well.Decision time. I haven¢t seen my grandpa in five and a half years. I¢m the only grandchild who hasn¢t been there since his health has begun to fail. If I leave the Trail now for the length of time this will require, it¢s pretty much for sure I will not complete it this season (unless I flip-flop, which I am reluctant to do). I won¢t be able to hike anymore with Toby, and he¢ll wonder what became of me!But, as I reminded myself in Erwin, the Trail will always be here. My grandpa will not. What¢s more important? Things or people? My dream or my grandpa?At this point I don¢t even know if I¢d make it there before he died, but I¢d sure like him to know I was trying to at least. My dad is checking on flight options. In the meantime, I ordered myself a Partnership pizza from Ciro¢s. The shelter is a few hundred yards from the Mt. Rogers Visitors Center, a few miles outside of Marion, VA. Ciro¢s delivers up here ¢ for free! It¢s a must-experience for hikers. (Conveniently, as I¢m likely going into civilization tomorrow, Partnership also boasts a hot shower!!!)Something just struck me as so funny.Years ago my grandpa, I believe in an effort to conserve energy or something, NAILED the windows shut in their house, effectively eliminating any and all fresh air or ventilation. Year by year the smell of mildew has worsened, to the point that the last several times I was there I literally felt sick when I tried to stay there. No energy, sore achy joints, etc. I can¢t imagine how they have done it all these years; have to wonder how much better health they would be in if they would allow some fresh air to circulate in the house!I¢ve been meaning to put together a top ten list of my favorite things about being out here on the Trail (it will come). High up there, possibly number one, is simply being outdoors in the fresh air 24/7. Recall the difficulty I had sleeping in the Holiday Inn in Erwin just because the windows didn¢t open, despite the fact that the ¢piped in¢ air was probably ¢fresh¢! I¢ve always been kind of a fresh-air-fanatic ¢ even in winter, I¢d sooner put on another blanket than close the windows at night.Somehow remembering my grandparents¢ moldy house in damp little Hoquiam, WA struck a funny bone. Then my laughter turned to tears at the thought of my grandpa not being there anymore. ¢God, please set his heart at peace with You.¢I am ambiguous about returning to civilization. I mean real civilization, bigger than Hot Springs or Damascus. One fear I have is that it may be easy or tempting to stay there, to not come back and finish what I started. And yet, I can think of nothing I want to do more than do this hike! It will be strange to be among people who have no point of reference for what I¢ve experienced through the last seven weeks.On the plus side it will be GREAT to see my family. It¢s been four or five years since I¢ve seen my aunts, uncles, and cousins. One cousin has a two-year-old I¢ve never seen. And my pregnant sister! That will be exciting, too.Interestingly I do not feel too isolated or cut off or far away from them all just now. I guess it helps to know I¢ll be there in a day or two. It¢s nice to have this time to reflect in solitude ¢ nearly 6:30 and no other hikers have appeared yet.I feel the northward pull, however, especially knowing Toby is up there expecting me sooner or later. Sorry Toby, I would have caught up to you today probably if it hadn¢t been for the bad news and the pizza! Where will I get my weather reports from now, Doppler?The magnitude of what leaving the Trail means just hit me, being so far behind all the other thru-hikers. I should still be able to find other people to hike with, right? I¢d gotten so used to our group! I am torn; terribly so. But in the big scheme of things I think I¢ll be more glad I got off than I would if I didn¢t, for this.A rest certainly won¢t hurt my shins at least. But I am afraid of losing some cardio endurance ¢ looks like I¢ll be off for at least a week. The endurance will come back, though.I read for awhile, then turned off my headlamp shortly before nine. Wanting to cry, but barely having the energy. My grandpa, leaving the Trail, and an intense personal struggle I can¢t elaborate on here. The energy came; I¢m glad after all I¢m alone in the shelter again tonight.