Date: 2005-02-25
To: Maildrops and Waiting, Wondering...
Miles today: 0.0

Hey,First OffOnce again I updated my maildrops, but don't take this list as definite or anything. As I go, I will be continually updating the list, so make sure that everything is recent, and if anyone is planning on sending me anything, make sure it is done exactly two weeks in advance; so it doesn't miss me, and also so it doesn't get there too early, since the places that hold maildrops don't want to have to hold them for over two weeks or so. Since there is no way to really gage where I will be at any certain time, the ETA dates are only estimates, and could vary by as much as two weeks to the next maildrop, and as much as a month at the drops closer to the end until I can update them while I am on the trail...Anyways,I have been trying to think of other stuff that I need to do, and I don't really have much I can do other than go back over everything that I have already done, and re-schedule maildrops since I keep finding out new stuff, and cutting out other maildrops since I won't need to resupply my fuel as much.I finally realized how permanent this change will be. (Taking off and living in the woods). Every single aspect of my life is about to change drastically and I have no idea what it is going to be like. I have done SO MUCH research about the trail but that doesn't really tell me what it will be like, and how it will feel. Even with my past backpacking experiences on so many different sections of the AT, I still feel like this is a million miles away, even though I sense it coming upon me like a thunderhead it seems so far away.I have read books on the trail; I have watched movies and documentaries about the trail, and I have hiked for weeks at a time before, but I have no idea what this will be like. I know that sounds confusing, but I feel like I haven't touched it yet.For so long now, my life has been a routine; School, Work, Athletic Club, Cycling (Biking) Non-Stop, Repeat...The times in the past that I spent near a month on the trail in various times of my life seem like distant memories of someone else and although I can remember details so vividly of those times and of those trips, I can't remember what it felt like. I can't understand it.There is such a difference in knowing all of the details, and understanding them. Sure, I can say, I am going to live in the woods, without anything, and I will wake up and climb mountains every day for the next six months. I can totally recall all of my past experiences, which account for hundreds and hundreds of days backpacking, but I can't feel them. I can foresee myself starting the trail on April 1, and I know what the shelters are like, and I know how it will happen in terms of logistics, but there is more to it than that.Experience and Understanding are so different.I will wake up with the sun. I will hesitate, but eventually I will crawl out of my bag and scurry off into the woods to take care of natures business. My skin will have Goosebumps, and I will put on my clothes. I will cook up a cup of Oatmeal, or whatever breakfast may be for the day, and then I will put my sleeping bag back in its compression sack and pack up my tent if I used it, and finish packing my backpack. After packing up in the morning, I will leave the place I slept last night, and find a nice spot to do some yoga and stretching to open my body back up from the previous day's muscle tightening hike, and it will make me feel much better. I might do my yoga in a lush valley, next to a waterfall or set of cascades, or I might be on the top of a mountain, overlooking a hundred mile vista. My body will feel rejuvenated after the yoga stretching, and I will be ready to really start my morning. I will kick off the morning with the days first miles in a bit too much of a hurry, as I am excited about the days sights and experiences, and I will take breaks every few hours to enjoy the scenery and eat some food every now and then. Lunch is eaten constantly throughout the day, and it is usually never cooked, consisting of powerbars, dried fruit, and a variety of other foods.Near the end of the afternoon, I will start to think of my next water source since I will have already gone through all of my water from the midday lunch stop. The hike will sometimes be over in the early afternoon, and sometimes it will be over in the late evening, but regardless, I will reach my ending point for the day and be craving my dinner for the night. It will be too early to eat my dinner, but I will cook it up anyways and chow down and the nights pasta and carbs, and be stuffed from the amount of water and expanding pasta in my stomach. I will feel tired, and once again, I'll go to my sleeping bag, waiting for me like a cocoon, and I'll fall asleep for another twelve-hour night. I will, however, wake up several times during the night, and think about random dreams I have had, and analyze them way too much. Then I do it all over again the next day.That is what I know, and even though it sounds like I know what it will be like, I know nothing. What will I feel like, excited, tired, hurried, peaceful, slow, fast, happy, sad, angry, joyous, occupied, empty?There is no way I can really write these thoughts and questions effectively, but I wanted to try to express, that even I know the logistics, I don't understand what it will be like, how I will feel, who I will meet, and what my mood will be.I wanted to try and read Henry David Thoreau¢s book, "Walden", about his feelings after living in the wilderness for over two years, and how he felt about it, but after attempting to try and convert his dialect from nineteenth century Massachusetts, I decided that I would just wait and write my own, 'Walden', when I get done with the trail...AT here I come...I think the feeling most prevalent inside me right me is definitely excitement, and a wee bit anxiousness, to actually get out and change my life.I finally UNDERSTOOD, that I will be leaving everything I know once again.I have done it before, and I can't wait to do it again, but in only two years this routine has begun to carve itself into me like a river cutting through a gorge. No more daily computer, no more music, no more truck, no more snowboarding, no more cycling, no more athletic club, no more school, no more work, no more HBO, no more bread machine and waffle maker, no more normal life...I am leaving everything! I will miss a few things I didn't plan on, and a few things I thought I would miss, I won't. It is one thing to say something and know it, and another to understand, realize, and experience.TAKE IT EASY EVERYONE,Until next time....