Date: 2015-08-31
To: View Entry
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: few clouds

THERE WILL BE MORE POSTS. Red Panda Bottomless Pit of Raging Emotion still has more to say. I have to tell you about the answers I found on the trail. Just not yet, because I need to sleep first. And think some more. Did I mention sleep? I really just want to sleep. My initial coma did not last long enough.OKAY.SO.Life after the trail.It kind of sucks so far. I am stiff and sore and tired and oh, so lazy. Remember how I hiked 20 miles in a day? Yeah, well, now I don't even want to walk 20 feet down the hallway to brush my teeth.Real life is way too busy! Suddenly I am surrounded by STUFF. I just want to throw away everything I own and go back into the woods and be a lunatic hermit. I have clothing everywhere, gear everywhere, the remains of my mail drop mess EVERYWHERE. And my internship at Acadia starts soon, so I have limited time to organize everything and pack for the drive back to Maine.Seriously, real life is overwhelming. I don't know how you guys do it. How am I supposed to be a functioning adult and a productive member of society? Sure, I've done it before... BUT THE WOODS HAVE CORRUPTED ME.I do really enjoy not having to live off of CLIF bars anymore, though. I have had THREE salads in the last two days. And yogurt. And apples. And chicken. My heart is swimming in a sea of food bliss just thinking about it. I don't like the reintroduction of technology into my life. It is so distracting. So wonderful... but so distracting. I can sit in front of my computer for hours. It is such a waste of time. I try to be productive, backing up files and copying pictures to storage. In between, though, I end up reading junk articles and watching too much Netflix. It makes me feel lazy. Plus I just want to play games, an even BIGGER waste of time. I did play one game today for a little while, trying to relearn it so that Candace and I can try to play together later, like we used to.This evening, I went out to dinner with my dad, and on my drive home (a whole mile and a half) I had to resist the overwhelming urge to drive back to the trail. I think I will do so tomorrow. Bonding time with the AT is what I really need. Even if I just sit on a rock by the side of the road, under a tree bearing a white blaze. I still haven't taken the time to really process it. It doesn't seem real. It seems like it never even happened. But clearly it did, as evidenced by my scarred legs, horribly thicker body, and weird feet. I am pretty sure that my little toes ROTATED a little. They are super sausagey now, too.I miss journaling. I wish I had more time during the last couple of days. It helps me work through things. I still need to complete my thankful list, and I plan to make a list of the gear that I took with me on my hike.When I first was preparing for the trail, I kept reading old trail journals. I kept trying to find one relevant to ME. I wanted a young, female hiker to tell me about the trail, to give me an idea of what to expect, to be my internet mentor (second to Trail Mentor Alexa, of course). But I didn't have much luck, as I walked on the treadmill on the steepest incline possible in the frigid basement in December with my pack full of sacks of flour and sugar. So many journals that I read just... ended, prematurely. Or weren't helpful. The entries were brief. The details were sparse. I WAS DISAPPOINTED.I am not going to be one of those! Conclusions will be made! Gear will be discussed! My innermost thoughts and feelings will be revealed (okay, maybe not TOTALLY... but I'll share a bit of my embarrassing emotional progress).