Date: 2008-03-22
From: Franklin, N.C.

To: Forward
Miles today: 8.0

   One one hundred miles down, only 21 to go. Maybe.   Hiking gives me a wierd feeling. At times it makes me feel strong, energetic and full of life, and at other times I feel morose and unhappy. People may talk about how bad weather can get you down, but I think it may be more than that. Declaring the end doesn't begin and end with rain.   I have seen many determined people up and quit on a completely sunny day. The rain may be the catalyst for fatalistic thought, but in the end it is the inner tempest who stirs the coals of discontent in your soul. Think about it this way, the weather is the first blaze of this fire, but that isn't what matters. The coals, which last through the night, are like seeds that plant themselves into the heart of your motivation. Hiking is a solitary activity, and that solitude is like the adding fuel to the flame. As a hiker, I know these feelings well and I understand how easy it is to suppress the emotions but in the end, it takes a strong motivation to force yourself into a postivite frame of mind.    I bring this up because on this trip I have counted the days until I can call it quits, and I have thought of all the different excuses I could use that would justify quitting early in the eyes of others. Before I came out here I thought my fears would be different. I thought this would be too hard, that I wouldn't like it and that, ultimately, I would have to explain why I came home three weeks early. Today, after surmounting 35 mountains, walking over 100 miles and resisting the temptation to stay in towns just 'one more day,' my fears are not centered on quitting or not finishing what I have started. The bad days bring negative thoughts but no longer do I dwell upon how others will percieve my ending, but how I understand it. In the end, this is not about the people who are close to me, or the people who believe I won't finish; this is about reaching out and being aware that in the end, the end only affects me. If I quit early, or before I satisfy my own needs because I fear how others will interpret my actions, I do an injustice to myself.   So, sitting here today, and reflecting upon my trip and what I had to say about my life thus far, I have decided that the end is not nigh until I say it is. Hiking is hard, and I still fear uncertainty but my determination for finishing this journey no longer rests on others. There are days when hiking makes me feel energetic and strong and there are days when I feel sad and unhappy about my decision to come out here, but the beginning of this started with my conviction that I could do it even if my motivation for doing so was misplaced. Now, I walk day-to-day and if that doesn't make me happy and euphoric, I will continue my walk until there is no satisfaction to be found in scaling the sides of these mountains.Like damn, I'm from Minnesota, land of the cold airToo many mosquitoes and our fair share of egosBut like my man Sabe says, 'that's where my mommy stays'So if the people laugh and giggle when you tell em where you liveAnd if you know this is where you wanna raise your kidsIf you're from the Midwest and it doesn't matter whereIf you can drink tap water and breathe the airSay shhh, say shhh