Date: 2004-02-12
To: pack, dumb people
Miles today: 0.0

so my new pack finally came in the mail. like i said, i was gonna go with my gregory g-pack, but it's a piece of crap, so i ordered the z-pack. took about 5 years to get here, but i'm happy with the end result. well, at least with the end-of-shipment result. it's everything the g-pack isn't. i cursed the g-pack for not having a side zipper. z-pack has one. i cursed the g-pack for not having an enclosure on the front pouch. z-pack has one. i cursed the g-pack for sagging under my girly, pack-5-pounds-worth-of-tampons packing instincts. z-pack loves girls. also, tampons. i cursed the g-pack for not having enough tension belts. z-pack has 40 zillion. or 14. ya know. whatever. good pack, etc.now. moving on. i know everybody thinks i'm a "cynical" little b*tch. i've even had people tell me that i won't be quite so "cynical" when i'm older. why does everybody think i'm a cynic? well, who knows. could be cuz i hate my dehydrator and have no problem coming forth with the horrible truth. yes, it's true. it makes food taste like boiled crap. not gonna deny it. but let's be serious. in 20 years are the strawberries gonna taste like chocolate instead of rotten cow? could be cuz i don't think a thru-hike is the most opportune adventure for raising money for PETA. yeah, i love bunnies and kitties and lizards and crap. i have 4 cats, 4 chickens, and 2 dogs. no, they're not afraid of me. i just don't know how i would live with myself if i laid all my reasoning for doing this incredibly personally gratifying thing on getting two cents per mile donated to a charity. i could just work a week at the local wal-mart and get the same result. complete and total copout. could be cuz i have differing views on faith. "oh, she thinks differently...must be cuz she's immature. give her time, she'll level out to the norm." could be cuz i say crap a lot. whatever. call me frank, call me caustic, call me a habitual realist. don't call me a cynic. and, under no circumstances, tell me to look forward to a change with age or with miles. i've been my honest, opinionated self since birth. and i'm satisfied. i don't believe i'd attempt to put up with myself for 2k+ miles if i was anything less than content. a hike such as this should never be looked upon as a catalyst for change (as it often is, unfortunately) but instead as a test of confidence. if this thing changes my "cynicism", i believe i'll walk backwards on a sobo next time. 2 weeks left til i head down to georgia. wish i was there now, cuz i nearly threw up the butterflies in my tummy this morning. P.S. as an afterthought, i figure i should add a definition of the word "cynic". the true meaning refers to someone who judges the motives of others; someone who believes all human actions are motivated by self. true, i am guilty of that horrible, horrible trait. it comes out in...oh gosh...ONE of my entries. the common misconceived definition, i'm afraid, is the one of which you all are accusing me. (this is kinda like a whole generation of canadians confusing "irony" with "coincidence") everybody has turned the word into a synonym for negative-thinker. (sub script again: but etymologically, what's so negative about self-motivation?) yeah, obviously i'm using my new york humor most of the time. when i said "40 frikken degrees", it was actually a positive thing. if i had said "mmmm, these strawberries taste like rotting cow!" i'd be retarded. really, the opposition's got nothing on this chick. on that note, let me alone. if you're gonna be a judge or an evangelist, read burn's journal instead. he needs to beat ross on clicks or else he has to climb katahdin in an adult diaper and nothing else. boys bet on such sick things...