Date: 2019-05-29
From: Chestnut Knob Shelter

To: Jenkins Shelter
Miles today: 10.7
Weather: clear sky

Another ¢short day¢ today. I was just feeling like poop after the past few days. What I really needed was a zero day. I should¢ve just taken one at the farm. I¢m frustrated that I didn¢t because now I¢m mentally and physically wiped. It looked like it was going to rain all morning so I went inside to make breakfast and get ready. There was someone asleep on the bunk in the shelter the entire time I was making and having breakfast. While I was there, an older couple walked in. I had seen them before, but this was the first time we introduced ourselves. Their names are Rain and Sprinkles because he says ¢it¢s raining¢ and she says ¢oh it¢s just sprinkling¢. They¢re so awesome! He is a Veteran and they¢ve traveled everywhere because of his job, and then they tried a thru-hike and he finished, while she supported with a camper. He cheered me up a bit by talking about his journey on the AT and how it was better than any other experience he had had. He said he¢s always talking about the AT. I sat with them for a while since I wasn¢t looking forward to hiking today, and they packed up just before I did. The man on the bunk woke up just as I headed out. Today started with a downhill, but it was so steep. I¢ve noticed that downhills aren¢t always something to look forward to on the AT, as they often are steep and it¢s just a ton of pounding down on your knees and ankles with all that weight. My knees have been an issue for me in the past with running in particular. I tended to go from 0 to 60, and I did that once in college and my knee was worse than it¢s ever been. For the trail I trained by walking on the treadmill and slowly increasing elevation and running for a bit and then walking. My knees weren¢t bothering me with this better, slower method of preparing my body, but I¢m finding that the downhills have gotten steeper and my knees are having a harder time. After the downhill, the walking was all on a ridge for a bit. It went up and down and was rocky, but not too bad. I still felt so poopy though and continued to feel that way even on the ridge. The ridge ended with another long downhill, but it was steep and was hurting my knees again. I was battling the mental game today mostly, but the physical was getting to me too. And the weather was looking bad. I originally planned on going 14 today to a campsite that was beside a road. I had heard they were doing trail magic there for four days or so. I reached a shelter at the bottom of the downhill and knew I¢d have to go up to get to the campsite. I sat on the picnic table debating and passed out on my pack from exhaustion. I felt so wiped and so angry because I hadn¢t gone that far. As I was sitting there I heard thunder and decided to at least move into the shelter in case. There were a few other folks in there, one man named City Slecka, and a girl and boy named Buttercup and Husky. Husky has bright blue eyes and some facial hair, so that¢s how he got his name. They were planning to go to the same campsite as me, but went into the shelter in case it rained. City joked and said ¢there¢s a 30 percent chance of rain until Katahdin¢. Sounds about right! It will be gorgeous and sunny one moment, and pouring the next out here!We watched anxiously and sure enough, it poured. The thunder was so loud and the rain was blowing into the shelter, making the first foot or so wet. At this point I pretty much knew I was staying here. I felt dead just sitting there looking out and I did not have any desire to walk out into a torrential thunderstorm. The rain did let up temporarily and I went to get water, but put all my rain gear on first. I was very thirsty, as today was hot. I know the heat probably contributed to my exhaustion, but I had tried to drink a lot of water throughout the day. I had a fair amount as I sat there waiting out the rain. A woman showed up named Wonder Woman. She was nice, but intimidating, as she¢s doing 20-mile days. I know she probably didn¢t mean it, but it felt a little condescending the way she addressed my food bag and my pack weight. I¢ve accepted my pack weight situation. I¢m strong enough to carry it, I¢m not ¢ultralight¢ and that¢s okay. You don¢t have to be. You don¢t have to do 20 miles a day. You don¢t HAVE to do anything out here. It¢s your own hike. I was already pretty depressed and then felt worse while talking to her. I pretty much accepted my fate and knew more people would arrive, having done 20 mile days. I mentally prepped for dealing with this and knew it would annoy me, but I was done for the day and I was trying to make peace with myself. City left and so did Husky and Buttercup. The rain had died down a bit, but it continued to rain all night. Had I carried on, I would¢ve had to set up my tent in the rain and take down a wet tent tomorrow. Two more guys showed up, as expected. They had done 27 miles. Just great. Awesome. I felt like pure crap now and sat there wanting to scream to the world. This trail is just so god damn hard. And no one seems to realize!! I feel so alone out here and so worthless when I¢ve done a 10 mile day. Why is that the case? Why on earth do I feel worthless when I¢ve gotten up and walked 10 more miles than yesterday? Just why? At this point I¢m pretty much only meeting 20-milers. It seemed like everyone started taking speed when they entered Virginia. Maybe it¢s just because the people taking their time quit and now it¢s just the fast people, or maybe it¢s because the people taking their time sped up, or maybe it¢s because the trail is ¢easier¢, or maybe it¢s because the people like me are hiding away all day from the intimidating 20-milers. Who knows. I will set the record straight though. Virginia is not easy. It¢s not flat. This myth that ¢you can crank out so many miles in Virginia¢ and ¢Virginia is nice and flat¢ needs to be debunked. I am debunking it. Virginia is not flat. Fake news. Lol can I tweet this? Can I get this out to the world? Lol. I get that people think you can do more miles here, but I think that¢s because it¢s far enough into the trail that you have your trail legs and can get moving, it¢s not because the trail is easier. But even with trail legs, no one seems to factor in the heat that¢s come in, the bug situation, the humidity, the days of rain, the ridiculous amount of climbing some days, and more. Your body may be in better shape, but how about when your body is sweating all day and still pounding out miles and it¢s lacking energy? And your mind. The trail is so mental. How do I carry my mind to Maine if every day I¢m just pounding out more miles? It won¢t happen. I chatted with the boys even though I was so furious inside about their mileage compared to mine. One¢s name was Sunflower and I can¢t remember the other¢s. They were soaked from head to toe from the rain. They had gotten caught up on that ridge in the rain and thunder. Not appealing to me. They set up and ate and we all chatted. Rain and Sprinkles had walked into the shelter space, but I think they thought it was full, so they set up their tent. I got what felt like more judgement about my pack weight and mileage. It¢s so amazing to me that people can be judgmental out here, but they can!! I could feel their judgement and actually later heard that they had told someone about my pack weight and how ¢big¢ it was. I even had rumors starting about my pack. As if it didn¢t feel shitty enough to do 10 miles compared to 27, now I was getting a reputation on trail for my pack weight and mileage? That¢s not how this works. Hike your own god damn hike. We all decided to hang our bear bags in the shelter since it was raining and no one wanted to go out and throw a line. I was happy they were at least on the same page with me there. We briefly discussed the trail magic I had heard about at that road 4 miles from us, and the boys claimed they ¢always missed trail magic¢ and that there was ¢no trail magic for late starters¢. Bullarky. There¢s been plenty of trail magic even into April, you¢re just racing your way to Maine so you¢re missing it all. They didn¢t just do it for the ¢early starters¢, trail magic happens all the way up to Maine. But whatever. I was just done with the entire day and didn¢t feel like arguing with them. We all went to sleep. I tossed and turned all night and didn¢t sleep well, despite my exhaustion. I thought about Caboose and her daughter and Birdman. Where were those guys? I know they must have gone past here, but I was so longing to be with them. Little Debbie