Date: 2003-09-19
From: (On the road)

To: (On the road)
Miles today: 0.0

So, a really nice thing happened to me today.....This morning, we headed for Nashua, NH, by way of lots of neat little New England towns. It was in one of these towns, North Conway, that we stopped at International Mountain Equipment Inc., an outfitter that specializes in rock climbing and hiking gear. I needed a new rain jacket because an 18-inch rip has magically appeared down the front of my Frogg Toggs, rendering them useless. In addition, this place had an entire room of consignment gear that was bargain priced, so we wanted to see if there was anything we couldn't live without. When we went in, I immdiately felt a little uncomfortable. This is the kind of place that I have always wanted to belong in, but have never felt like did. I was always sure that someone would suddenly point at me and yell, "You there...you have no business being in here!!". Add in the rock climbing element, and I was feeling a little like an imposter! You know, rock climbers are the rock stars of the outdoor world....super-fit and s!uper-cool, and frankly...they intimidate the mess out of me! I have always dreamed of trying climbing one day but have just known that any attempt I made would be laughable. So, there I stood, trying to be invisible, as I started looking at jackets. One of the things that I have learned on this trip is that I have a place in this world, and that I have a right to take that place with my head held high. However, sometimes I need to remind myself. :)And this was one of those times.With this thought in mind, I pulled my shoulders back and started to try on high-tech rain gear. After I got over the sticker shock, (this stuff is expensive!), I set about searching for XXL rain jackets. After having no luck, I decided to try an XL. These are mens sizes, but I don't have a lot of hope that it will fit...I mean, they never have before! So, I find an XL, try it on, it fits, and I am ecstatic! Meanwhile, I have started talking to a salesman, and Bumpkin has come out of the consignment section with arm loads of stuff. I am liking my jacket, but while modeling it for Bumpkin, I am secretly lamenting that they don't have the color I want...they only have that in a large. Maybe it was a silent whisper of hope, maybe it was a lightening bolt of insanity....but I quietly sidled over to the rack, slid the large off of the hanger, and pulled it on.IT FIT!!!!! I pulled it off, and with my heart beating wildly, made Bumpkin watch as I tried them both on. After looking them over with the practiced eye of a mother that has dressed four children and sixteen grandchildren, she finally declared..."Yep...the large fits you better!". I was so happy that I just about danced around that store! Today is a banner day!However....that is not the good thing I was talking about! :)So, while we are finishing up with our business, the salesguy and I start talking. Throughout our conversation, it comes out that I am thru hiking. When the conversaton inevitably turns around to mileage, I admit, with a bit of chagrin, that I had hiked 660ish miles.He looked at me with what could only be called undisguised admiration and said, "Man!! That is impressive!". That simple statement, and his obvious sincerity, touched me so much that I wanted to cry.The last couple of weeks, I have started to feel almost...well...I hate to say it, but...ashamed. You know, everything is relative, but as far as AT mileages go, I am way behind. As we travel further north, the hikers around us are approaching the 2000 mile mark, and I am so far away from that. It has gotten to the point that some times I am embarassedto say that I have only hiked 660-ish miles. I realize that that sounds ludicrous to the rest of the world, but I haven't been living in the real world for some time now.When I told him how much I appreciatedhim saying that, he looked me in the eye and said, "Hey...I am a 250 pound rock climber...I know the effort that that took, and THAT is impressive". I knew then, that he got it. He really understood, and my spirit filled with gratitude, and pride. What I have done IS impressive, and it has earned me a place in any outfitter in this world. So, thank you Brett...you will never know wha you did for me today! You know, to me, this is a powerful idea. The idea that I could belong. Belong on the AT, belong in an outfitters store, belong in a conversation about wilderness ethics, or, just simply, to belong in this place. When the idea hits home, I can feel years of insecurity slide off of me. You cannot imagine what a beautiful feeing that is. If that is what hiking the AT has been about for me, then it was worth the broken foot, the sore muscles, tendonitis, heat, bugs, rocks, and every single drop of sweat. In fact, it all seems like a very small price to pay for such an amazing lesson...Who says the trail can't teach you stuff? :)Love, Anna aka Mud Buttwww.trailjournals.com