Date: 2016-03-19
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Miles today: 0.0

So for the first time in a long time I am comfortable. No more work, no pressing responsibilities, no complications to deal with, and there's basically nothing I have to do. There's no worries. The only thing on my agenda is three letters. P. C. T.Soft beds and warm showers make you soft has been my mantra for the past year. It's not something I take literally or to be macho about. Although there are plenty of real healthy benefits that come with cold water immersion and getting used to sleeping on the ground. It just kept me motivated because it also reminds me about a very important lesson I want to remember for the rest of my life; I lived out of a backpack for 6 months and it was the greatest time ever. Sometimes all you need is less to be happy. Maybe you don't need any THING beyond taking care. That can be a deep philosophical rabbit hole though. Just ask the guy who wrote Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.Like just about every person on this site may know, the trail changes you. I mean, sometimes I wake up swatting at nonexistent mosquitoes because I was having dreaming of that abominable buzzing coming nearer nearer and nearer. About once a week I get startled in the shower when I rediscover a freckle under my armpit. Somehow I always think its a tick. Then I can't help doing a quick tick check even if it's 6 degrees outside in the middle of Montana. I still use a rubber band as my wallet as a normal one is just too bulky. If the weather is going to be crazy, maybe I'll use a zip lock baggy. I almost always go to sleep with a camelpak full of water next to my head. Sometimes it's my pillow. Oh yeah, Dr. Bronners magic soap is pretty much the only product in my bathroom besides a toothbrush/paste and a razor. You know how Exoficio underwear claims it is the only underwear you'll ever wear for the rest of your life? Pretty much.If there's someone reading this that hasn't picked up on the understatement here... just you wait. I'm going to blabber around it for a couple thousand miles and probably never really hit the nail on the head. What it essentially boils down to is post trail blues. Or is it? You'd think I'd be past that now that I've "readjusted" or because of the mere fact I'm about to embark on another trail.Nope. You don't walk everything off. Walking for a really long time becomes problematic itself.This past year has been spent working and living in a semi truck. The experience of working OTR (over the road) has been an interesting journey. As with anything you dive into for the first time, there are valuable lessons to be gained and hopefully applied to all areas of your life. I won't get into that. The core fact of the matter is that I drove about 100,000 miles hauling just about anything that needs to be transported in refrigeration to all lower 48 states. The work can be pretty hard. It also takes up every minute of everyday when you put in 110%. If you're an overly logical person who is bothered by exaggeration (you can't possibly give more than 100%) well I can argue that I've allegedly put in more work than you're legally meant to. Take that into account and it would definitely be more than 110%. Which equates to spending approximately 150 hours a week inside of a tractor trailer for the past year. I'm definitely not in trail shape anymore. Fortunately, I didn't let myself get terribly out of shape. Between trying to get enough sleep, trying to eat something substantial at least occasionally, and typically working 90 hours a week I squeezed in whatever exercise possible. Which typically meant coming off as a lunatic. In between driving 10-11 hours a day I'd explode out of my truck pounding the pavement with burpees, swinging kettle bells, and sprinting in circles every chance I got... If I wasn't already speed walking to the bathroom. Ok, I'll be honest. It's way easier to just pee in a jug and empty it later. It'll be nice going back to regularly peeing with freedom. Makes me want to carry a big American flag to proudly hold up into the wind as I relieve myself in the great outdoors.This has definitely been the most unhealthiest period of my life despite all my efforts to go the extra mile. I'd still say it's all worth it because everything comes down to putting the work in. Whatever it is that you're working for.Whelp. Here I am now. Relaxing. Taking a hiatus from all forms of work and deliberating on blissful nothingness. Except that it feels wrong. I don't like it. It's too comfortable and now my mind wanders to all the anonymous people I've encountered in the past year who are just trying to get by. Or those who have truly put in hard work not for themselves but for others. They don't get to take a vacation. If they do, it's not much and it's not really a vacation.Yesterday I picked up a friend to brush up on my rock climbing. I slowed down at a 4 way intersection during San Diego rush hour to roll down my window and hand a begging woman a banana. She had a typical cardboard sign that said "HUNGRY" but she was weighed down by the feeling of shame. She was clearly not an experienced bum and not comfortable with asking for help. The banana was all I had at hand and the people behind me honked for the 1/2 second delay I caused them. The woman thanked me with tears welling up as I drove on. My friend had lost her words in the middle of our conversation not understanding what I was doing. She ended up with "that was... sweet." Even this girl, who cares passionately about rescuing animals, doesn't realize that she tunes out the many living people she has to pass everyday to go to work and school.I pass people who could use help all the time. Many more are just skimming by. Sometimes I'm in a rush. Sometimes I honestly don't care. Other times I just don't notice. There's so many. I won't remember them anyway. As I was going to sleep last night, I did remember the begging woman's face. Couldn't tell you what my friend was talking about in the car. Now I'm remembering the random guy I started playing chess with In Salt Lake City. I was taking a rare weekend off and was about to see what Tinder might have to offer. He was homeless and schizophrenic. Hygiene was not on his agenda but he was desperate for just a conversation. Most people walked a wide arc around us. There was a man hitchhiking last Christmas in the middle of nowhere Wyoming. I had shut down for the night because I was running out of hours and it started to snow hard. He cried when I patched up his rucksack with duct tape, gave him a spare blanket, and offered to buy him a hot meal. He had been reduced to hoping for a cigarette at best. Turns out he has a record and just wanted to give his daughter the last $20 he had on Christmas to say goodbye. Then there was the kid somewhere in Arkansas who was excommunicated from his Amish community. A broke Iraq veteran in Albuquerque. The lost dog in Iowa. The defeated woman sitting in her broken down car that she was living in. There's been a lot of random chance encounters I had on the road in which a simple act of kindness produced an unexpected amount of sincere gratitude. In a big city we tend to be better at ignoring.In a few days I'll be flying out to Thailand for a couple weeks of pure enjoyment. I didn't know I was going to Thailand until spontaneity happened about two weeks ago. Originally I planned to turn my truck in right around now so I'd have at least a month to start preparing for the PCT. My start date is April 29th. So I guess preparation will just be stretching out my legs, soaking in some sun, and maybe swapping out some gear I used on the Appalachian Trail after flipping through my PCT guidebook.You could say I feel guilty. I've forgotten about the existential rut that has hung over my head for most of my conscious existence. My respite has usually been hard work. However, this may be the biggest thing I've ever specifically worked for out of selfishness. It's here now and I guess I'm much more of an idealist than I ever thought. On the other hand, rationalization tells me that this will all end one day so I might as well make the best of it while it lasts. I don't know why I'm telling you this. Maybe it will remind someone to inspire gratitude and respect for what should be more precious. Sorry if I bummed you out. I intend to get Dharma tattoo'd onto my butt.