Date: 2012-01-24
From: Fontana Dam

To: Russell Field Shelter
Miles today: 13.5
Weather: clear sky

I was up early to get ready, excited to actually be entering the Smokys. I'd been both anticipating and dreading this point. To be honest the Smokys have been intimidating me, especially at this time of year. The elevation, the isolation, the lack of bailout points, the risk of the weather changing when I might have few options...Jeff was ready at 7:15 to take me to the dam. I lugged the very heavy pack out to the car. The pack was much heavier than usual since I had packed 8 days worth of food. Usually I would be starting off with 3 to 5 days. However, this time I was carrying enough food that if the weather window is still clear when I get to Newfound Gap I won't need to go to Gatlinburg to resupply; I'll be able to just keep going.During the drive to the dam Jeff gave me what I take is his standard Safety Talk for Those Who Are About to Enter the Park. I took note of the advice, especially the part about no night hiking because of the wild pigs and not wanting to be "the next thing on the buffet." That was too bad since I'd been extending my hiking days by starting or finishing in the dark some days.Jeff dropped me off and bid me good luck. The visitors' center was hidden by fog, but I knew where to drop off my backcountry permit. Soon I was walking across the dam itself. Everything was completely quiet, and the fog was so thick that I couldn't see past the barriers along the roadway.After I left the dam and was on solid land, the fog thinned a bit and I could see ahead along the short roadwalk section. The trees seemed extra stately rising up through the mists, and everything was still.Soon the AT turned off and began to rise, beginning the long, long climb. The extra weight in the pack became very noticeable. Even though it was still quite cool I had to start peeling off the layers. I tightened the various straps on the pack and tried to adjust the load, but still the it was dragging me down, literally and figuratively.I began to think about home, and I began to wonder why I was out here. (Yes, of course, I've thought about the actual reasons, but this was different.) It wasn't homesickness, exactly, but it was along those lines. Maybe I should go home. What was the point of this anyway? I'd had moments before of bellowing in frustration, "*Whose* idea was this?", knowing full well that it was mine, but this was the first time on this hike that I'd had serious questions. Now, even though the day was brightening, the mists were burning off, and the woods were lovely, my head was low and my spirits lower. I tried to dismiss the feeling. I tried to rationalize that nothing had changed, in fact things were going well, that this was all just the extra-heavy pack talking. But it was still hard. Then Harry came by to visit and ended up staying with me all day. Harry Belafonte's song "Jamaican Farewell" came to mind and became an earworm.But I'm sad to say, I'm on my way Won't be back for many a day My heart is down, my head is turning around I had to leave a little girl in Kingston town My head certainly was down as I slogged up and up. My heart was doubting the wisdom and purpose of this endeavor. And I was certainly missing my husband. I was in a real funk despite the beautiful day and a clear trail.I tried repeating, "It's the heavy pack talking. It's the pack." I reminded myself that I'd be eating my way through the extra weight and that in a few days it would be okay. I tried belting out what I could remember of the song, much to the distress of the wildlife, I'm sure.It seemed to take a long, long time, but I finally came to Mollie Ridge Shelter.   The idea of calling it a day there was very tempting, but there was enough time to go on, so I did. Russell Field Shelter was my home for the night. It was just full dark when I finished my camp chores and settled in for the night. The night was clear, and the stars shined brilliantly. Day 1 in the Smokys had been hard, and I was glad it was over.