Date: 2007-06-06
From: Doyle Hotel, Duncannon, PA

To: Doyle Hotel, Duncannon, PA
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: overcast clouds

I planned to start hiking again today, but couldn't seem to find the momentum, especially with the Doyle Hotel in Duncannon enticing me more at the moment than the dreaded rocks of PA. It's a definite must-see along the trail, the owners and the town itself as welcoming as can be to weary hikers, Vickey handing a glass of water to each hiker who comes through her doors, Pat cooking up some of the best food I've eaten along the way. Add a 22 ounce lager for $2.25 and I'm sold. I heard it may be difficult to get back on the trail after spending a few days at home; ain't that the truth. I just can't seem to find the motivation that once drove me north at the present. Walking home to see family and friends in PA used to spur me on, but now that I have arrived at the place that used to motivate me, what is my motivation now? The farther north I get at this point, the farther away I am from friends and family.   I guess it's easier to picture the faces of family members and the desire to see them again than it is to picture Katahdin, a place I have never seen but have only dreamed about for years. Don't get me wrong, that is still my goal, but it's a fuzzier and loftier one, more difficult to imagine in my mind, not as crystal clear as the faces of the people you love. Although I know I want it, it's still an unknown, with risk and discomfort involved, over two months yet to hike. Although I have already accomplished so much, there is still much more to go. At this point of my journey, part of me wants to hike and continue to experience everything the AT has to offer, but another part is getting bored and wants to do something else, embark on another adventure, go back to the real world. When I reached the physical halfway point of the trail in Pennsylvania, I thought I would be more excited, happier about my progress, eager to continue north. It seems instead of seeing the glass as half full, which is my usual personality and attitude towards life, I realized that being at the halfway point meant I still have half of the trail remaining. Instead of thinking, "wow, I've already walked over 1000 miles," I thought, "I can't believe I still have over 1000 miles remaining." That's a long way! Will I ever reach my destination? I've been out here for three months, doing the same thing, day in, day out, hiking 20 miles a day. I admit, it's starting to get monotonous. I know I am not the only one feeling these conflicting emotions, the looks on the hikers' faces around me betraying their thoughts even if they don't verbalize them, drudgery becoming part of the game. We are no longer motivating each other, but instead seem to be feeding off of the others' fatigue. I've heard of many hikers leaving the trail, for good, in PA, which only adds to the challenge of maintaining momentum, interest, and desire. Mentally and physically, we've made it this far, and so without any major mishaps, we have the capability and potential to go all the way. I hate to sound like a downer, and I do still want to hike, but it's just not as fun anymore. Conflicting emotions, being close to home, questioning yet again my motivation and goals, why I do what I do seem are giving me the PA blues, worse than any I've experienced thus far along the trail.