Date: 2016-05-04
To: View Entry
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: clear sky

It's very hard at home to not think about being back on the trail. I think of alternate plans I could have tried. I could have slackpacked a couple of days, I could have taken a couple days off to think about it first...all the suggestions people make to those who are thinking about quitting. I don't like the word quitting. I keep reminding myself that I just made the decision that seemed best for me at the time. There were so many good moments...seeing the woods come to life over 4 weeks time, meeting so many kind and interesting people, seeing a lot of the places I had read about for years.I slept in a shelter, in my tent, in many hostels, hotels, and a couple of homes. I set up camp and slept alone in the woods two different nights. I cooked, I collected water from streams and springs, I arranged shuttles, and I learned to resupply. I had so many great experiences. I was asked what was the hardest thing about the trail. Was it...staying in bed all night waiting for morning? No, I actually was able to get pretty good sleep...no Diet Coke, you know.Was it...looking bad? No. After day one I didn't really care anymore how I looked.Was it...staying clean? No, I learned that a shower and clean clothes feels good for the moment, but after 30 minutes on the trail, I was hot, sweaty, and dirty again. Was it...stinking? No. Same as above. It doesn't take long to get the hiker stink, and everybody stinks. Was it...finding food good to eat? That was a challenge for me. I don't like the traditional oatmeal, I couldn't find lunches that really were filling, and I never had much appetite at the end of the day. So I wasn't getting the calories or nutrition I needed to stay strong. But I survived. Was it...all the bathroom issues? No, I learned to go wherever I could. Enough said. Was it...keeping my phone charged? That was a problem, yes. I had an external battery and that helped, but there was always the feeling that I had to hold back on using my phone. I updated my journal at night whenever I had a signal, and that ate up the battery very quickly. The phone issue was hard, but not the hardest.Was it carrying that 30 pound pack? My pack was heavy and didn't fit perfectly, but I managed it. Was it...hiking alone? After Pam left I thought I would find others to hike with. I hiked with Helen and Eddie for 2 days, but after that there was no one going my pace during the day. Most of the time I would be around other hikers at night or in town, but day after day I hiked alone. I just had to accept it.   Was it...missing people at home? Frankly, I had so much on my mind just to stay focused and organized that I didn't worry too much about family and friends at home. It's a full time job hiking the AT. It wasn't the rocks, the roots, the mud, the steep downhills, Blood Mt or Albert Mt. I conquered all of that. It was simply the upward slopes where I struggled to catch my breath. The very slightest incline brought trouble until at the end, I could only go 10 - 20 feet before I had to stop. That takes time. And that was going to mean more nights alone in the woods because I wouldn't be able to make the mileage to the next shelter.And that's the sole reason I left the trail when I did. Will I return? Only with a partner and an inhaler...maybe then.I enjoyed writing this journal and I met many good people through it. I wish you all well and hope your trail journeys are everything you hope for. For now...happy trails to all.*Quote: "The hardest thing about the trail is staying on the trail."