Date: 2006-08-18
To: Last Entry
Miles today: 0.0

Sickness update : I seem to have leveled off a bit, but not improving much. Most of the day I'm dizzy and weak.. can't do much for more than 30 minutes without sitting down.. can't stand for long periods of time without my knees buckling. The tests from the doctor should come back soon.. I really hope they find something because this is getting scary.So I haven't really talked much about getting off the trail and how I feel about it. Well, to be honest it's hard to say. I think it's actually been easier for me because of being sick; hiking is the last thing on my mind. It would be like asking someone with food poisoning if they feel like steak for dinner.. I'm sure when I get better and feel strong I'll have a different opinion, but right now there's no way.I also don't feel like I haven't accomplished anything, or feel like somehow my experience isn't complete. I of course can't say that I've experienced what a thruhiker experiences, but that doesn't diminish it for me. I¢ve walked 1600 miles from Georgia to Vermont, 4 1/2 months living in the woods, and not finishing in no way can detract from that. I've met amazing people, seen amazing things, pushed through hot, cold, floods, bugs, blisters, rashes, loneliness, boredom and all kinds of things. Having done what I've done I have absolutely no feeling of failure. If I were well I would have finished and I'm 100% sure of it. If I had given up it would have been a completely different story; I¢d be buried with regrets but now I have none.I do, though, have a feeling of my experiences being incomplete, considering all of the experiences that I won¢t be having this year, especially with the friends I¢ve made out there. They¢ll have laughs and stories and sights that I won¢t be a part of, and it upsets me to know that I won¢t be able to share that with them. You get to know your trail friends at a completely different level than you would ordinarily get to know someone, and those bonds are stronger than I could explain.In a way it¢s exciting for me to know that I still have a good deal left to do, and that it¢s all in New England. If you¢re going to drop out of a thruhike, what better place than in VT? I¢ve paid my dues through VA and the mid-Atlantic states. Now I have VT, NH and ME, the cherry on top, waiting for me some year for me to finish, at a leisurely pace with no pressure, so I can enjoy every bit of it.(Warning! The following paragraph is extremely sappy.)So, that¢s it. I have about 2 months worth of journal entries from around April and May that I¢ll be inserting periodically to have this whole thing complete. I¢ll also post any news I get from the doctors, etc, as it comes in. But this is essentially my last real entry, and the hardest. So thanks, everyone, who¢s been reading, signing my guestbook, sending emails, and supporting me throughout my hike. Thank you, also, to those I¢ve met on the trail and got to share all of my experiences with. Does every year get to have such amazing people? It means more to me than you can possibly know, to have had the honor of being involved with all of you. Others involved with the trail, either as hikers or supporters, know exactly what I mean. The AT community is simply a beautiful thing, a beautiful slice of humanity.Off I go into the real world, which scares me more than starting the trail did!Thanks. Bye.