Date: 2003-07-21
From: Campsite North of Rice Field Shelter

To: Bailey Gap Shelter
Miles today: 14.8
Weather: overcast clouds

Just finished a tasty lunch of black bean soup with tortillas torn up in it, a few Wheat Thins, some peanut M&Ms, and a little of Jenn¢s yummy trail mix (thanks sis!). Then I spent a long time stretching. Trying to figure out if this latest leg thing is muscular or what. It wasn¢t swollen when I woke up this morning; I kept both feet elevated by placing my backpack under them, underneath my Thermarest. I did pretty well, pace-wise, all morning; it was relatively easy walking, too. As I got here to Pine Swamp Branch shelter my knee was starting to complain. It does feel better after the rest and stretching.Just now a deer is snacking among the trees below me. It¢s coming closer very slowly ¢ oh! There are two!I forgot to mention the other day ¢ Wednesday, my miserable day ¢ I saw 17 deer! Several of them fawns; so cute with their white spotted backs.Well, I was quiet but not still enough, I guess. One of them saw me, and now they¢ve headed the other direction.Today has been a nice day. Muggy and warm, but nice. I thought for sure it was going to storm around noon, but it didn¢t. Except for the bugs ¢ which are driving me batty ¢ it¢s been pleasant. I¢ll go another four miles to the next shelter for the night. Haven¢t seen a soul, yesterday or today, so I imagine I¢ll be alone again tonight.Looks like it ¢ just got to Bailey Gap Shelter at five to seven, and still no signs of anyone.Well I¢m out here to grow, right? I¢m growing.It¢s a funny feeling, having a journal you know someone else is going to read. Contrary to what some might think, I don¢t open up all that easily, even to people I¢m close to. Let¢s just say that if someone else were here with me right now my customary ¢even keel¢ exterior would not reveal the turmoil inside, and the turmoil probably wouldn¢t come out unless it was dragged out. Yet here I am about to share it with the world. In addition, to think there are a handful of people out there about to be able to judge my thought processes and see the fallacies and hypocrisy that may lie therein feels, well, vulnerable. And yet sometimes, the thought of you, my ¢readers¢ are what keep me going!I also hate to think my journal may be filled with negativity; but at the same time, I¢m struggling right now, and that¢s part of this journey. I refuse to sugar-coat it.I struggled up what was supposed to be 1.3 miles to the water source just before the shelter. It must have been longer than that because there appeared to be a re-route my book didn¢t account for. I know my pace, and it took much longer than it should have.¢The challenge is¢¦the voice inside you that yells ¢can¢t¢¢¦¢ ¢YES¢¦I¢¦CAN!!!¢ ¢It wouldn¢t be worth doing if it weren¢t hard.¢ ¢I wanted this challenge.¢ ¢I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).¢ Just some of the self-talk that ran through my head. ¢Am I willing to suffer for my passion? Yes!¢ That one really kept me going ¢ remembering the battle I fought to even get out here in the first place.At last I reached the water source ¢ of course a tenth or two of a mile off the Trail, downhill. Always! I filled up and splashed some on my face, arms, and head. Is there anything so soothing as cool water on your face? I felt so much better.My book predicted two-tenths to the shelter; I had no idea if this was accurate or not, after the previous discrepancy, so I steeled myself for the worst and set out again. It was right, though ¢ I arrived right on time.It¢s almost as though I put on a clear state of mind when I don my camp clothes. I¢m not in a concentration camp. I¢m not crossing Antarctica on too-small rations and frost-bitten toes. I may be alone in the wilderness, but I¢m not lost; I know right where I am. I¢m not stuck in a boring summer job like I was for so many, many years! Or even a job I half-enjoy; I¢m out here doing just what I want to do. I am so lucky.Sure, it¢s tough. But I¢ve been told I have what it takes, and that it¢s worth all the effort. I believe that.And anyway, I¢m not alone. ¢I will never leave you, nor forsake you.¢ Joshua 1:5