Date: 2010-09-27
To: View Entry
Miles today: 0.0

Post Pardom Trail Depression is what I'm calling it. I summitted Sunday and it is now Thursday. When I was preparing for this journey I seldom saw anything written about life after the trail except a few times when someone would write about what has gone on since they finished. So, I feel it is my duty to indulge the world in the inner feelings of life after you finish the trail.After I summitted on Sunday, I basically sat around until my dad came to Millinocket and picked me up at 130pm on Monday. Our destination was my sister's house on Long Island and we didn't get there until 12am. But getting in the car from Millinocket raised a lot of emotions within me. This was it...this was the final goodbye for me for my 2010 thru hike in which I had poured my heart out living out my dream. If I could choose a theme song to accompany this moment it would have to be from the movie Cast Away. Remember when Tom Hanks' character finally got the courage to build a raft and get off the island? As he floated away from the island there was a slow instrumental number being played as he realized he was leaving the place he had just spent 4 years. Well, I would choose that as my song. As we drove away I took a moment and watched Katahdin get smaller and smaller until it was gone. I guess that was the first time it hit me that this had really happened and was now over.The visit with my sister was very short and my dad and I left the next morning to go back to my parents house in Maryland. I arrived in Montgomery Village, MD on Tuesday afternoon and have been kind of lost since then. I sort of dumped my pack on the front porch, came inside, sat on the couch, and just....well....didn't know what to do next. I'm used to just walking. Well, I'm done walking. Since Tuesday I have really struggled and I don't really know why. For those of you that don't know the feeling I'm going through picture a really sad breakup with a significant other. It almost feels like that kind of sense of loss. My world has changed drastically in the last few days and I'm still unsure how to handle it. To be honest with you, I felt really sad yesterday. I laid there, in my bed, just, well, laying there. Its a weird kind of depressed feeling. Its like you're really happy you're done with the trail and accomplished your dreams but at the same time your whole way of life has just been severly altered. I almost feel.....lost.So besides lay there what have I done? Well, I had to deal with real life stuff so thats what I've done. I think I got a job with my old company for a little more money and in a different department. I have a place to stay until I get my feet on the ground and then I have another place I could possibly move into when I save enough. I think I will be sleeping on the floor for a while because I gave away almost all of my stuff. I have been in contact with an arena football team so I am probably going to play for them but I am sooooo out of football shape I'm kind of nervous about that. Before I left for the trail I was a 225 lbs pocket type Quarterback (if you don't know what that means it means I don't run around a lot I just sit there and throw the football) but now I'm 180 lbs of non muscular hiking greatness. I will be easily snapped in 8 different places upon getting tackled so I need to hit the gym.Ah yes, hitting the gym brings up another glorious post hiking point. My legs are sooooore. Going up and down stairs makes me look like I'm 90 years old (no offense to 90 year olds). I basically have to go down them sideways because my knees are so tender. Also, the tendons under my feet are so stiff that it takes a good 5 minutes to warm up. In short, right now I'm a cross between a 90 year old and a really old car.....I take a billion years to get down stairs and I need a few warmup laps before I can get going. The skin around my waist is just now starting to recover. I had some pack rash that never went away. Oh, and I think the numbness in my feet is slowly going away. Other than that stuff I feel like a million bucks!!Back to my plans, I'm not sure whats going to happen exactly when I get back to the Dallas area. I do know that I'm going to be getting more involved with CCA. Originally, my plan was to set up some kind of outreach ministry to bring more people to volunteer in the inner city Dallas area and help schools like CCA. I hope that I can still do something like that. I know that God does not want me to be idle and I will not allow myself to stand by when there is such need out there. Afterall, we are here on this earth to serve one another. Lastly, I have the video for my Katahdin summit but for some reason I'm just holding onto it. It really stirs up a lot of emotion for me because I know exactly how I was feeling when I took it. I know to everyone else it will be just another video but to me its the end of my sacrifice and dream. I'm not sure when I'll post it but I will. Its kind of like the ending of something I don't want to end. Does that make sense? I have had such an awesome time posting my blogs and videos and letting people know how I feel about whats going on around me. I have so much more insight to offer and so many more adventures that I want to share. I look to Him for whats next.