Date: 2011-07-13
To: View Entry
Miles today: 0.0

I met one of the most colorful people I have ever met on the trail, Paul with Bunions, at a Jenny Knob shelter in Bland, VA. He kept me rolling with laughter until my sides hurt. His sense of humor is ribald and irreverant, and I found him utterly delightful! He is, hands down, one of my favorite people on the trail!Here, I have attempted to transcribe, to the best of my ability, his poem. The punctuation and title are my own, but the poem is wholly his. Paul, if I have erred in any way, please contact me so that I may make appropriate corrections. You (and, for that matter, any of my trail friends) can reach me by friending me on Facebook: although you know me as Sunshine, my given name is Tami Jo Ellis Vanderwilt. If you're not on Facebook, leave me your own contact info in a comment following this post.Thanks for sharing, Paul. I know my readers will get a kick out of your poem, just as I did. (This video took a couple of takes, because Paul couldn't restrain himself from his ribald humor at my expense, which I didn't feel would be appropriate for publication.) Paul, I hope to enjoy your company over a beer again one day. You are sooo bad!!!!!!Ode to an Appalachian Trail HikerSo you want to be an AT hiker?Well get your gear, load up your pack.Pack your food, take out the slack.Whatever you do, don't look back.You're on your way the very first day.So when you think you can't, you realize you can;That's when the shit really hits the fan.The ups, the downs, the smiles, the frowns...The rocks, the rootsTear up your boots.The falls, the trips, the flats, the dipsLeg cramps and blisters, and ankle twisters,The pain, the gain, the cold, freezing rain...The troubles, the woes, sore feet and toes.Switchbacks up, switchbacks down...Be careful not to hit the ground!People with dogs climbing over logs;The lizards, the snakes: they give you the shakes.Cobwebs and spiders, the red-eared sliders;The squirrels and deer have no fear.Coyote and bear: please beware!The frogs, the toads, and crossing dirt roads;The mosquitoes and blackfliesCover your eyes.Noseeums and lice? I've seen 'em thrice!Yellow flies and ticks get in their licks.Bug bites and scratches leave big red patches.Butterflies and birds, bear scat and turds...The flowers, the trees, the hornets, the bees...The mice, the rats, the flying bats...The catamounts and links...This really stinks!The fox and racoon come out with the moon.The skunk and porcupine stay far behindThe stops, the starts, the shits, the farts...Sleeping on wood does no good.In the heat you'll surely swelter;But now you've arrived at the shelter.Now you are here, and tired and dreary;Eat your food while you're still weary.Make your bed; lay down your head.When you wake up you'll feel somewhat dead,So six a.m. you'll surely dread!I hope you've had a pleasant day'cause now you're on your second day.I hope you all enjoy your hike.Maybe next time you'll take your bike.(For what it's worth, Paul's sentiments echo my own. I love the trail and I hope there are many more trails in my future, but I'll never undertake such an epic adventure again. I'll likely limit my future hikes to those of one month's duration or less. Otherwise, in the future I do hope to take a bike: I have my eyes on a Can-Am Spyder! I think that would be a great 50th-birthday gift! Pat, what do you think? A road trip for two on a luxury trike? Woo hoo!)