Date: 2018-10-11
From: 4 pines hostel route 624

To: Richmond
Miles today: 0.0

I slept extremely poorly last night between Sylvester and the bathroom trips. Even melatonin didn't aid me. We slept in as no one was hiking in the rain. Eddyman made french toast for everyone and I ate 2 pieces. Once I knew that would stay in I took a shower and used my bandana to dry off. And I made a most difficult decision that I know is the right one despite how much it hurts. I stepped outside during a break in the rain and with only sobs coming out of my mouth at first I called Brian. I'm not getting better out here and if I continue depleting myself there's going to be nothing left of me and it'll be harder to get back on trail. I am going to go home and get well. Hopefully I can return shortly and finish my hike. Once I stopped crying and Brian could hear my words he cried too, I could hear it in his voice. He's so proud of my 1,400+ miles and he knows how much this hike means to me but also that I have to have my health. I feel like I have hiked the most difficult and technical miles the Appalachian Trail dishes out and I expected to breeze through the south thoroughly enjoying every step. But the past 4 weeks have been a struggle with my health. The trail has been good to me but this disease has not. I don't want it to win by stealing the things I love most about my life from me. I want to show it that I'm stronger and I'm still in control even though I know I'm not. I've asked Pepper Jack to bring me back to Roanoke after my appointment so I can get a room and book a flight. Once I was done talking with Brian I went back inside and told WE and Eddyman. Eddyman approached me shortly after and said he would go home too. He's not feeling as committed to the trail as he was and he'd like to be at home helping one of his Kenyon sons thru college.I checked flights from Roanoke and Richmond and it was half price from Richmond. We arranged for Pepper Jack to drive us there after my appointment. I was very sad to leave WE. I enjoyed her company and I know she was thrilled to have the experience of hiking partners and now we are all leaving. My acupuncture appointment relaxed me for a while but not long. We stopped at an ATM and McDonald's in the pouring rain and I was soaked clear thru everything on me. I rode in the back seat as Pepper Jack carefully and expertly navigated thru downpours and tornado warnings and dropped us safely in Richmond. But the anxiety put my stomach in knots. We checked into the Holiday inn Express and I layed down in my room for an hour or so with the heat on 75°. At 6:30 I met Eddyman in the lobby and the plan was to go to the Holiday Inn next door for dinner. But when I stepped out under the awning and saw the high winds and torrent of rain I told him I wasn't going. I'm dry now and I'm not going to get soaked and then freeze in an air conditioned restaurant. I went back inside and he followed. We decided on Chinese delivery and he waited in the lobby then delivered mine to my room when it arrived. I ate my eggroll and tasted the Chow Mein then stuck it in the fridge. I could try again later. But that didn't happen. The hotel went dark and the generator came on but 2 hours later we were dark and it stayed that way all night. The call came in at 2am from American airlines that my flight was cancelled and I was rebooked for Saturday morning. I went back to sleep in the quiet and dark with the hum of the neighboring Holiday Inn generator running.