Date: 2003-06-02
From: McDavid Florida

To: McDavid Florida
Miles today: 0.0

I will take this opportunity to share something with you that I have been pondering on for several weeks now. It has been several weeks ago that I had this dream.A vivid and seemingly very real dream.In fact when I woke up I was shocked to find myself in a tent and not in a house.   I was living in a house in town.The road in front of the house was being widened and there was excavating being done along one side.I was out for a walk,when I noticed all this pieces of pottery and glass embedded in the dirt along the side of the road.I stopped and upon further investigating saw glasses and vases,different plates and other glass items.They were all around where the dirt was being dug up.I stopped and dug up several of the items.Some of the glass was really beautiful and ornate.Even though all the pieces were beautiful,they were chipped and or cracked.Pieces missing from places on them.In their perfection they would truly be wonderful,but it was too late for that now.There was no way to repair them.Still,they were pretty. As I gathered different pieces up admiring each one and wishing it was complete and not damaged,before long both my hands were full .I could not carry any more.I decided to pile the pieces up on the side of the road.I would go to the house and bring someting back to carry my treasures home in.As I walked home I found more and more broken treasures in the dirt.I would stack them up intending to pick them up when I came back. When I got home ,I found a wagon.That was the perfect thing I needed to bring my finds home in.Off down the road I went.I stopped and loaded each piece into my wagon.As I got to the last stack,the poor wagon was groaning under it't weight and I could hardly pull it. I loaded up the last of my finds.They were perched precauriously on the top,threatening to spill over at the slightest bump.I pulled and tugged ,then pulled harder and harder ,but the wagon would barely move.I had overloaded it so much that I could not pull it down the street.I sat there and wondered what to do.I know,I will go find someone at home to help me pull my treasures home.Off I went hunting a stronger arm than mine to help me pull the wagon ,loaded with it's bits and pieces of beautiful vases,plates,glasses and other items. I could not get anyone to come help me.Everyone was too busy or involved in other stuff to give me a hand.I was really upset and headed back out the door,even more determined to bring home my finds.I don't need anyone's help I fumed.I can and will figure out on my own how to get this stuff home. I woke up.   I pondered this dream for several days and still do today.I knew there was something there that I needed to deal with.I just knew.I am no where near finished with all of the lessons here for me,but I will share what I have gotten from this so far. The beautiful pieces of glassware represent relationships , hopes and dreams and plans,even goals in my life.These are the ones that did not work out like I had planned.My relationships with other people,my first marriage,my children.The dreams for my children and for myself.Everything that I picked up on the side of the road was flawed in some way.Still beautiful ,but flawed. Chipped or cracked or missing a lid.But flawed just the same.Yet I wanted to take them home with me.To clean them up and set them on a shelf.I wanted to rescue them.I picked up so many things..I could not bear the thought of leaving anything behind.Sure it was flawed,but how could I leave it behind.It was a victim of circumstances.Tossed aside by some seemingly uncaring person.I was rescueing all these unloved and uncared for things that were once beautiful and had a purpose in life. I picked up so many that the load was too heavy for me to carry.I wanted to take them all,clean them up and find a place for them.Surely they could be used for someting. I wanted someone to help me bring all these things home.Someone to carry my load because I could not carry it by myself.No one would help me.I was alone in this struggle. WOW!!! I do not need to carry a life time of unmet needs,unfullfilled dreams ,broken promises and bad relationships with me.I would have no room in my life for the unblemished blessings and gifts from God that are mine if my life is filled with all these broken pieces. I also do not need to try to carry my burdens alone.God does not intend us to be weighted down with trials and cares.We are to bring them to him.He is strong enough to carry them for us.Another person can share your burden but not the beleifs in your mind that cause us to behave the way we do.They can hold us accountable,but if we insist on dragging baggage along behind us,we cannot expect others to share that burden. I think most importantly is that I need to let go of the things in my life that do not bring me any joy.Things that, rather remind me of my failed attempts at various things.Whether it is relationships,projects,dreams or goals.I cannot go back and redo anything.I need to let go of mistakes and hurtful memories.There are some areas in my life that will never be able to be different.I can let go,and forgive and move ahead.Not be burdened down by painful reminders of the past.Some things I cannot ever fix and to clutch them tightly ,thinking one day I will be able to make them new and with a different outcome is just fooling myself.It is also blocking my ability to receive new things.Things that are new,unbroken and not flawed.Things I do deserve. I am ,as are each of you,worthy of fresh new gifts from the Father.We have the right to experience life at it's fulness and it's best.We deserve to be happy,and to be in meaningful relationships.Be it with our spouse or friends. I find it really hard to let go of some of these things.I still think that someday there might be a glue that will be able to glue china and glass back together without tell tale signs.I still want to hold onto some of these things.What if I do not have anything else to take it's place?I want to replace all my broken dreams and pieces of life with new ,healthy plans and dreams. But I am afraid.What if i did not try hard enough?What if it really could have been fixed?I will fail from time to time of course.That is when I need to be ready to let go and start all over again.This is not to say that we will not face strong and hard trials in our life.But they do not need to continue forever.We can let go and choose to heal.To learn and to be free!And to trust in a heavenly Father who loves us and wants to meet our needs and help us reach our full potential.   I hope this helps someone out there ,I know it has helped me.Thanks Lord for another lesson.