Date: 2003-04-29
From: Apple House Shelter

To: Moreland Gap Shelter
Miles today: 17.8
Weather: light rain

Crossed the 400-mile mark today! Yipee! Got more of a hike than I was expecting. I have an old guidebook which lists this shelter as 14-something miles from last night's. There's been a relocation of the Trail here, and I knew it added a little mileage, but wasn't expecting almost 18 miles today! Plus, I made it to the diner in Elk Park, NC for breakfast, so that walk added another 2 miles(packless though) to my feet's misery today. Nice little diner- I ate bacon! And I think that made my morning crummy- what was I thinking? Bacon. (I've been a vegetarian for 6-7 yrs) The Trail relocation is said to have alleviated some numerous big ups and downs, but I think the real reason is much more controversial. The stories I've heard go like this: apparently many years ago, the government took the land away from local folks via imminent domain in order to build the AT through here. This was not appreciated by the local folks of course, so they took their revenge out on hikers. They's harass hikers in all sorts of horrible ways- one stretch of Trail was nicknamed "fishhook alley" because locals hung fishhooks at eye level as hikers looked down at the rocky terrain! Yikes! They's throw trash on the TRail or crap in the occasional bag of trail magic- all kinds of crazy stuff. So the relocation may have been to avoid these run-ins, who knows? Anyway, it made for a long, though relatively moderate day.This afternoon, however, I had the most wonderful epiphany! I'm not sure if I can articulate it yet, but it seemed like this great aha! moment. I was just sort of imagining having a conversation with someone (OK, you can say I was talking to myself!), and I got to the point in the story where I say that I go on long walks when I have big decisions to make. And then I remembered that I happened to be in the middle of a long walk (really, now!?). Anyway, it dawned on me that I originally came out here to "find myself," to figure out what the hell I was doing with my life. Then I realized that through the process of planning the trip and all that has gone on in my life in the preceding months, I already had "found" a huge part of myself. What's important to me, that the meaning of living is sharing my life with family and friends and loving the hell out of them. Sharing time and joy with them. So, why the hell am I out here hogging all this time and joy to myself? I haven't figured out if completing the hike will allow me to love better/more OR if that's what I was supposed to "find" here and then go home. Maybe the reason I've felt restless and disconnected out here is because I've already found myself at home and that's where I long to be! I love the hiking and the amazing stuff I'm seeing and experiencing each day, but maybe it should be shared. Maybe I really do need to section-hike the rest of the Trail- with brothers, friends, Kevin, hell- with my kids someday! Maybe I'm just ready to find a "Trail family" and ditch this whole solo thing. And amazingly tonight, I've finally caught up with Baby Steps, Pippi, Wanderer, Gazer- I feel connected or at least at peace with these folks. I still have to figure out what this epiphany means for my hike. But I'm really tired, so I gotta go. Kincora hostel tomorrow...mmm, shower! Good night.