Date: 2008-04-01
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Miles today: 0.0

Just when I think there is no goodness left in this world, that there are no people out there who will do things for others expecting nothing in return, I am wrapped up in the arms of strangers who did for me what I couldn't do for myself.    Over the past few days I have been embraced by several strangers. Between hours of driving and waiting, doctor's appointments and procedures and being brought home to stay with my doctor and her husband,I can say that my faith in humanity has been renewed. I have seen a lot of tragic things during my life doing Foster care with my family and after 19 years, who can blame me for doubting the existence of kindness in this world? I am always the one who people lean on. All that was required of me was to be a pillar of strength for kids who were hurting; I never needed to look beyond the walls of my home to see the hate and cruelty in this world. I haven't had to look outside my family for care and I rarely look outside of myself for strength. Time and again it has been shown to me that people are rewarded for bad behaviors and that kindness and compassion are wasted sentiments in a world of disassociation and attacks. After living my life and being surrounded by unhappy things on a daily basis I can say that my views on reality are skewed.   It seems like everybody, except me, acknowledged that good people existed. When I met optimists who believed in the kindness of strangers I would roll my eyes and acknowledge their naivete. There has never been a point in my life where I couldn't readily turn to my parents for help. I lived with them and they were a ten minute call away in most cases. In a past journal I wrote about how I learned that I couldn't know my own strength until I tested my bounds and left everything familiar to me. Well, I have found strength on this trail and in the past few days I have newly-realized that the awful acts that brought the kids to my house are not the only acts that consume this world.    Being able to humble myself and ask for help has taught me that help is there for the people who ask. Strangers will take you off the street and put you up, asking for nothing in return. The generosity of spirit and good will that I always heard about and thought was a naive expectation in life, is now a reality that I can't help but believe in. In the end, I have learned that generosity and love are not ideals that are found in books alone. Kindness seems to take on an identity of its own and being embraced by strangers that I can now call friends is one of the most positive experiences I have ever had. No longer can I look out on the world with a cynical eye, assessing and measuring everybody by my own admittedly skewed expectation and standards. When we left the presence of our new friends I was crying, I thought that it was because I missed my family and the residual emotion was affecting me. Now, I realize that I was crying less because I miss my home and more because these former strangers represented more than a warm bed and patient assisstance, they represented a life-altering change in my frame of mind. For that, I thank you. You changed my life and showed me that the kids I live with is only one part of this world, they acted as a curtain blinding me to positivity and now, after 19 years I can believe that generosity of spirit truly does exist beyond the pages of a book.