Date: 2009-08-27
From: My bedroom

To: Life
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: haze

(Pre-blog note: I just posted a list of all the gear I carried, for those interested. Click on "Previous" to see it.)Are you ready?Because this is it...The incredibleamazingsplendiferousphantasmagoricalFINAL ENTRY!!!First off, life since the trail. I've been home for about two and a half weeks, and it's been disappointingly easy for me to slip back into my regular routines. I haven't had too much trouble sleeping in my own bed, I didn't spend hours marveling at the convenience of tap water, and I abandoned my "early to bed, early to rise" sleep schedule within a couple of days. I chalk the lack of major readjustment trauma up to a combination of experiencing bits of civilization whenever I would go into town, and being used to returning home after long periods away at college. The nice side of this is that my trail appetite also faded within a couple of days, and I've only gained about 10 pounds since the trail instead of the 30 that I expected. The time resting has also been very good to my body. My knees and back have stopped aching, and the perpetual bruises on my hips have finally disappeared.Yet despite the physical benefits of being home, I already miss the trail. I miss the physical exertion, I miss the people, I miss the feeling of going to sleep under a star speckled sky. The trail for me was like a draught of water to a man wandering in the desert. Before the trail, I was almost always aching for something different, some outlet for my energy, some relief from the perpetual discontent of day to day life. I could feel my youth slipping away from me, crushed under a mountain of problem sets and being ripped forward through life along a track that seemed inevitable. Yet then I made the decision to hike, and everything changed.On trail, there was no ache, there was no angst. All I had to do was get up, eat, walk, eat some more, walk, and sleep. Every day I opened my eyes to the supreme beauty of the natural world. When I walked, every glance I took yielded a calendar-worthy vista for my enjoyment. There were people galore, and not just ho-hum, ordinary folks but beings with fantastic stories and incredible lives. People who I always seemed to get along with and converse freely with. People with whom I delighted in sharing a shelter with each night. I had adventures, I made memories, I enjoyed myself immensely. Were there miserable times? Of course. My days of loneliness in PA, or my vom-a-licious 6 miles into Erwin were bad. Yet even in those times, I remember asking myself if I really wanted to be out here, and the answer that came back was a resounding "yes." Whenever things went wrong on the trail, they always seemed manageable with a little perseverance, and more importantly, trifling in comparison with the loneliness and unfulfilment of normal life. It's a bit weird to say, but I now laugh at all the self-help books I see, because for 5 months and 1 day, I achieved everything they promise. Hiking brought with it not necessarily a constant ecstasy, but a persistent, consuming contentedness that held me through the hard times and in better times elevated my spirit to a point of purest joy.Has the trail changed me? I damn sure hope so. How exactly? Uncertain as of now. A few days after I came back, I went over to my friend Roman's house and talked to his mom, who is a massage therapist. She took one look at me and said, "Oh, Michael! You look so much more relaxed! I can actually see the muscles in your face are less tense than they used to be." So that's a change, I suppose. If anything, I hope the trail has enabled me to calm down, lighten up, and seek out the unbeaten path. I think the most valuable thing the trail may have given me is the knowledge that there are ways through life other than birth-->school-->more school-->career-->death and the self-confidence to wander off this tried-and-true route whenever the mood strikes me.So for now, I'm done with hiking. As much as I loved it, my body needs to heal and I need to get away from mosquitoes for a while. But who knows what the future may hold. PCT '12? Te Araroa Trail '23? I don't care - I trust my instincts to take me where I need to go.To all of you who have followed this, to the trail angels that gave so much so freely, to my friends, and above all to my wonderful parents, thank you. I wish you all the courage to pursue your dreams and loads of luck in their pursuit. Despite being a raging agnostic, there is one blessing that I find truly moving, and I shall end with it:May the road rise to meet youMay the wind be always at your backMay the sun shine warm upon your faceThe rains fall soft upon your fieldsAnd until we meet again,May God hold you in the palm of his hand.Signing off,