Date: 2007-02-03
To: Off my back
Miles today: 0.0

I've had a lot on my mind about the trail lately and haven't really wanted to write about it because some of my thoughts are so scattered and others are a little negative. I guess I'm just feeling the anxiety of starting the trail as most of us are. The cool thing is that some of us have begun their journey. I¢m envious of those who will be starting before me, which I¢m sure are more than half the folks hiking this year. Well here it is. My back has been giving me a lot of trouble. I¢ve been hiking since Sept. with hopes that I would feel some improvements. I haven¢t. Nor do I feel any stronger carrying my thirty five pound pack, which I feel is incredibly light. I made an appointment to see my doctor to get referred to a back specialist. I¢ll see where this leads me. I¢m not backing out, but I feel like I could have been doing more to prepare myself. I have also decided to hike in memory of my father and the American Cancer Society, as I stated in my last journal entry. I know many people advise against trying to fundraise while on the trail for many reasons, but this is part of what I¢m about. I have also been getting all the comments about leaving my family, all of which are understandable. I love my wife and kids more than anything. We plan on meeting up as much as possible, especially as I get further north. Still, five months is a long time. I have made a pact with Carissa that if she needs me that I will be there. We are in this together and I will not jeopardize our relationship for the trail. Anyone who has read my journal has obviously noticed that most of my pictures have my kids and Carissa in them. Why not! They are also a part of who I am. When I get lonely and I¢m missing them, I can stop by the library and look at my pictures of them.   What else is bugging me? The whole weight thing and the amount of money it takes to hike light. I feel like I¢m trying to fit into some trendy high school clique. I don¢t want to carry a heavy pack and I totally understand why others don¢t either, but this is to much for me. I don¢t find obsessing about pack weight the least bit fun. Nor do I enjoy blowing my hard earned money on the newest and lightest items. I actually bought a titanium pot and am still in shock over how much it cost. How does this fit in with the ideals of the founders of the trail. Most common working class people would never spend the time or money for the gear involved with hiking. I don¢t know. These are just some of things that are going through my mind. Well, that being said, I feel like I¢ve struck a pretty good balance. My pack is two pounds heavier than most packs and so is my tent. I¢m not using a beer can to cook on although I think they are an ingenious money saving idea. I don¢t think my overall pack weight is unreasonable. I guess I won¢t know until I really get out there? Some positives: I¢m flying down to Georgia with Carissa, Matthew and Emelia. We will be spending time with our friends, (Mandy, Brian and their son Ian) who we haven¢t seen for some time. And Brian will be hiking with me to the Georgia border (about a week). I¢m also looking forward to meeting others starting the trail in late March. There¢s nothing better than sitting around after a long day and swapping tall tales. Thanks for lending an ear.