Date: 2008-04-06
From: Newfound Gap

To: Home
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: light rain

Yep, I'm at home. It was a spur of the moment decision. I was standing in the Newfound Gap parking lot, my pack was sitting in the back of the rental car next to my parents' luggage. Every time I went to grasp my pack straps I was overcome by a stomache-knotting wash of dread. It was a sunny day, it would have been a great day for hiking. I would've been in store for wonderful views. Yet I couldn't help but feel dread. So I dallied. I read all the signs in the parking lot, and the sat on the rock wall for about thirty minutes.The parking lot was deserted when we arrived, and as I sat there other hikers began to appear around the trailhead, shuttled straight from the Gatlinburg circus. No familiar hikers. If I'd seen somebody I knew I probably would have been too embarrassed to quit, or at least been able to view the situation with something approaching hope or optimism. I had been living solely on social interactions, and a shelter full of strangers seemed hopeless.I watched these happy hikers disappear down the trail. My dad asked, "Did you make a decision?" I answered, "I think I want to go home." Ten hours and a time-zone change later I was sitting, eating enchiladas verdes at my one of Lytle's good Mexican restaurants. It was so bizarre. When I woke up that morning I thought I'd be dining that night on Lipton noodles or rice.After thinking about my hasty decision for the past week, I have come to the conclusion that I made the right choice to leave the trail. My appreciation and enjoyment of the trail was too clouded by loneliness and homesickness. There could very well be another thru-hike attempt in my future, but there are some personal things I need to work out first. Here are some factors that contributed to my demise .1. I had no expectations. I had never done any real backpacking before, and really didn't have access to any mountainous areas (without spending a lot of money) to remedy this. I had no idea whether I would like it, and I had no sweet backpacking skills. Also I had never seen the Appalachian Mountains. Most of the people I met were from Georgia, North Carolina or Virginia. They knew exactly what they were getting into when they decided to thru. I was completely surprised, and more than a little uncomfortable. 2. I had no hiking partner. I'm really a homebody, and stepping out alone into something COMPLETELY foreign left me bewildered. I saw a lot of people out there who started the trail with a friend, and I think that's probably the best way for me to go.3. I wasn't mentally dedicated to the thru-hike. All summer and fall before left I felt so unsure, and wondered a lot whether I should try this hike at all. I like the idea of the thru-hike, but I couldn't commit to something before I tried it.And you know what's beautiful? A lot of the above deterrents were remedied by my late great 204.5 miles. I've got sweet backpacking skills, a love of the southern Appalachian mountains, a love of backpacking in general, confidence with my gear, confidence in my sweet people skills I never knew I had, and the knowledge of what it feels like to quit a thru-hike. I'm workin' on the hiking partner one. When Oliver came to Gatlinburg to visit he was dazzled by the Smokies and is now excited about section hiking with me. No mysteries next time. Next time I can greet the AT with pure unadulterated JOY.I'll be back. You can bet your bottom dollar on that.