Date: 2016-08-17
From: Pierce Pond Shelter

To: Moxie Bald Mountain Shelter
Miles today: 23.0
Weather: few clouds

I woke up in a lake again this morning, except this time there were no parents and no Stratton waiting for me. By "woke up in a lake," I mean the whole inside of the tent was a puddle. My whole sleeping bag and sleeping pad were soaked, and basically everything else that was out of my bag got wet as well. Verge and I were both in horrendous moods and were quite snippy with each other. We hate wet tent. Though the terrain had looked easy in our guides, the 4 mile downhill to the ferry took longer than we expected. It turns out going up and down small hills of wet rocks and roots is difficult, slow-going, and not very fun, especially if you frequently slip and fall and bang up your whole body.We got to the canoe ferry, which was neat. I got to help paddle across, and the ferry gentleman was nice. I have little to no motivation. In fact, I very much hate Maine. Today, Verge and I had to stop every 20 minutes to go pee, we slipped on rocks and roots all day, and we weren't moving very quickly, which when you're aiming to go 23 miles just sucks.It was 4pm, I aired out the tent on top of a bald, and I saw we still had 10.5 miles left, which breaks our "no more than 10 miles after 4pm" rule. (I made this rule because it totally sucks to still have 10 miles left to hike at 4pm...) Verge was insistent that we hike our 23 today so that we only had to do a relaxing 18 into Monson. "A crappy day today and an easy day tomorrow is much preferable to two really crappy days in a row." Okay, fine, you make sense, but I'm SO miserable and tired, I don't think I can do it. She kicked up the speed, and by the time we got to the first shelter (plan B shelter) it was 6:45pm and she was still insistent on continuing on. I was angry and tired, and I was adamant about staying. Logic won. I decided I'd try to push the four more miles at 6:45 up Moxie Bald Mountain. However, less than half a mile up, I had an anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe and I couldn't stop crying. It was...indescribably awful. I felt weak, and I knew Verge would be annoyed with me. I felt like I could just turn into a puddle. I tried to calm myself down.m because what's crying going to do? Just suck it up and hike...how about I hike while I cry? Okay...but then you can't breathe, so you probably shouldn't do that. Just breathe. In through your nose, out through your mouth...etc. I figured it out, but I was barely hanging on. Even the gorgeous sunset and the almost full moon on top of one of the prettiest hikes we've had yet couldn't change my attitude. After a slippery, wet, steep descent in the dark (had to get my headlamp out), we arrived at the shelter. Curly and Jetson had done the 23 too. I felt so bad flashing our headlamps around, looking for a spot to set up our tent. Mostly everywhere was full. It seems like a huge bubble of hikers are all aiming for Monson tomorrow. We made a quick dinner and set up the tent, trying our best not to disturb everyone (we'd arrived by 8:45 and finished setting up around 9:15). What a day. What a horrible day. It feels awful to feel emotionally, mentally, and physically weak. I know I probably don't need to be so hard on myself. I'm getting stronger every day.