Date: 2004-08-24
From: Pinkham Notch

To: Carter Notch Hut
Miles today: 5.9
Weather: clear sky

I am very glad I did not try to go on to Carter Notch yesterday. Yesterday the heights had clouded over by three and even in the notch it was pouring rain by 630. Today it took me nearly 7 hours and that would have gotten me drenched and arriving very late. What is more, I ran into my nightmare image of the north face of Mount Moosilauke, only for real! Life and death rock-climbing on narrow ledges zigzaging up a steep rock face with a yawning void behind me. Yikes! Not something to face when tired and sore.The trail went past some nice raspberries then headed steeply upwards. Jumbles of boulders alternated with steps and steep faces and curved masses, all hair raisingly steep. It was the kind of climbing that calls for all my attention, senses wired, watching every move, sometimes having to make heart-stopping moves to get to a handhold just out of reach. Some of it with just open space behind me or with treetops close in and well below as a blunt reminder of how far below the ground was if I slipped.That frays the nerves and I found myself getting what you could call climbing fatigue, wishing desperately to be somewhere other than high up a rock face with no choice but to keep going, fighting to keep my composure and stay focused. It got so each time I found myself confronted by another pitch the fear was palpable and I would have to force myself upward. At least I had a dry sunny day. And here and there bushes offered me blueberries in mute apology for the climb.At one point ascending a face brought me to a rounded surface where the rock curved from vertical to horizontal in a smooth surface. The one crack forming a foothold was too high to step up to and there was nothing to grab onto to pull myself up except smooth rock. I had to reach up and trust to friction to hold my hands in place while I dragged myself over the curve until I could get a foothold. But then I had to go sideways several feet before getting to the safe flat surface above and the foothold was not enough. I had to turn and seat myself on the sloping rock to maximize the surface area contacting the rock, then inch cautiously across, held by nothing and with nothing to grab if I slipped, until I was far enough over to clamper to safety. When I was on the top I was afraid I'd vomit from horror at the risk I had needed to take to get up. In the evening another hiker said that was exactly what he had done. That I managed to hold onto both my nerves and my breakfast was! reassuring in a strange way and I felt a little better getting to the top of the steep section.Up there was a flat rock outcrop with a spectacular view of the Notch and Presidentials, but I had been so occupied with trying to survive that it was hard to enjoy it. After that the trail led away from the cliffs on a less steep course up a ridge to the first of a chain of five peaks along the ridge. There was more rock climbing but not as bad. But by then my nerves were so jangled that anything needing my hands to pull myself up was enough to set me on edge.I felt REALLY tired of rock climbing especially the dangerous kind. But there is more ahead and I didn't know what to do about it except try not to do too much in a day and hope I get desensitized to it. Or just hope the next bad climb didn't come until I was ready for more. Army officer training had taught me to confront and master fear of heights with everything from walking logs 20 feet up to rapelling to riding helicopters with my feet out the open door but it never made the fear go away.At last I got over the first peak, Wildcat E, to where a gondola lift offered visitors a safe easy way up. I had meant to stop and eat there, but the knots of tourists were such a totally different reality from the one I had just been through that I just kept going.At Wildcat D I stopped at a wooden obervation platform and had my snack there. An older woman came up who turned out to be a southbound thruhiker named Birch. She encouraged me, saying I could make it, one careful step at a time. Then came C, B and finally A before descending into Carter Notch. It was nearly 3 and I decided to stay at the hut there rather than make another steep climb out of the notch and stealth camp on a mountaintop. I had had enough for today even if it was only six miles.I did a work for stay along with two other thruhikers. Since there were only six guests all we had to do was wash a modest stack of dishes. Carter Notch Hut is unusual in that the bunkhouses are separate buildings up the hill from the main hut, reminding me of the NOC.