Date: 2015-07-29
From: kent

To: Great Barrington
Miles today: 53.9
Weather: light rain

I have not posted an entry since Kent! Rain, no signal one night, and sheer exhaustion have impacted my ability to journal, and now that I have a few minutes, I want to spend it with my foot up and ankle iced, watching cheesy movies and eating potato chips. I decided to consolidate the last 4 days into one journal entry and try to keep up moving forward. So- Kent. What a sweet little town! We hiked out on a gorgeous morning and were in a whistling while we walked sort of mood. We were quickly and completely spanked by St. John's ledges, right out of the gate. The rocky descent was a punishing, oddly organized torture, but I was vaguely aware that I would love this if my ankle was not barking at me. The sky was such a beautiful blue, big fluffy snow white clouds floated above, it was a perfect day. I moved really slow though- partly because of my ankle, but also because-as I mentioned before- I am psyched out at the thought of falling. I am in a sort of beaten up state, and I need to get my game face back on.After the tough part of the trail, it got very easy. It paralleled a river for a while, and it was hotter than Hades - but we didn't swim. We had to hurry our pace to Salisbury to pick up D.No's meds, sent to a recently closed outfitter- but we could intercept at the post office if we made it in time. We didn't. I felt like I was holding back my hiking partners because I couldn't walk fast. But we made decisions together in the best interest of the group."If you want to go fast- go alone.If you want to go far, go together"(saw that on a movie last night)We spent the better part of the next day in Salisbury, checking on the package which never came. We ate fried chicken, ice cream, I caught up on various problems my staff is dealing with, and finally at 4:30 the PO said nope-package is def. not coming today. D.No had it forwarded to the Cookie Lady up North a few days. We hiked out late. I twisted my darn ankle again and a pain in that foot started radiating up my shin. I was starting to feel some deeper concern about my ability to continue hiking. At the shelter that night, C.Shell gave me her shin compression sleeve and I slept in it. Next day, my shin did feel a lot better.The hike that day was, in my opinion, the most difficult so far. It was mostly big slippery boulders-going steep down, jagged and rooty, a million ways to die, relentless, merciless. My legs are short and I had a hard time getting from foothold to foothold. At one point, I twisted the GOOD ankle- I landed on my butt and just sat there. When D.No was out of earshot- I cried. Like a little kid- hot frustrated tears and audible sniffling and gulping air. I wailed out loud- I AM NOT QUALIFIED TO DO THIS!!! I wondered if I was alone in my pain and frustration- did others go through this? Is it time to say Uncle? Black clouds started gathering and thunder boomed closer and closer. We hurried to a shelter- there were two within a tenth of mile of each other. We were alone there and cooked a Katwalk while it stormed. We ate it on burritos, then ate cookies, drank green tea, and read. One by one, we drifted into deep midday sleep. When we woke up, the rain had stopped. We packed up and headed out- back to the scary rocks. And they were waiting for us. We each fell 3 more times now that the rocks were freshly slicked with rain. I have just given up trying to be a mountain climber. As soon as I get to these descents, I toss my beat up poles to the bottom and slide on my biggest asset to the bottom. Don't care how it looks! One payoff today- the views are getting more and more stunning. They whisper a promise that the best is, indeed, yet to come. As we have been told- and as I am now holding on to for dear life. I want to see those promised views.We pitched our tents in mosquito Manhattan and dove in, no more cooking today. Katwalk texted me, listened to my whining, and encouraged me, as did my husband. I read the comments in my guestbook here and felt buoyed. Next morning I was up and out with the rising sun. The path was smooth and easy, like it knew I had nothing left in me to fight with today. The sky was misty and foggy, the sun rose over wildflowers and disheveled trees. I walked and each step felt restorative. I only had to walk about 5 miles to the road crossing that would take me to my Mecca- The Holiday Inn Express. Cue inspirational music. I hitchhiked in, got a ride with a guy who didn't say much-except that his girlfriend hiked a portion of the AT and he is under strict orders to always pick up hikers if he sees them on the road.That afternoon, a trail angel named Neon drove 2 hours to take us out for a few brewskies. Her interest in our journey, her positive comments, her admiration of hikers, it all lifted my spirits and made me feel stronger. She had been hiking that day with a friend who fell and got 13 stitches in her shin. She showed us the picture from the emergency room. Things could be worse I thought.We enjoyed our time with Neon and I promised that Katwalk and I would come hike her first week of the trail in 2017 with her. Hey Katwalk- pencil that in! Blood Mountain Cabin reunion!Next day- I woke up to rain. No, I thought. If I am going to get my gameface back- I have to leave under sunny skies. I just dried my dang gear! I called my brither and he was able to wrangle a room for another night. I ordered new boots- the Saloman Quests I started with, full ankle support. I iced my ankle on and off, sat in the hot tub, babied myself.I'm ready to tackle the last 668.2 miles. I want to see the Whites. I want the rest of it. I want this beautiful experience to continue.Always aware I have a choice- I can take my old life back anytime I want. Always aware that the kids I walk for can't.