Date: 2005-03-05
From: Sassafrass Shelter

To: Cable Gap 
Miles today: 15.2
Weather: light rain

I actually sweat in my bag last night and I loved every minute of it!!! I also used the ear plugs I've been lugging around (because they're so heavy and every thing) for the first time last night and am kicking myself in the pants for not using them sooner! I CANNOT STRESS THE VALUE OF EARPLUGS!!! Not only to block out the deafening roar of snorers (you will sit in your bag resenting their loud but blissful sleep) but it helps me personally to block out the scratching sound of mice (you can laugh, but the sound terrifies me more than the roar of a bear)and the sound of rain throughout the night (which makes me dread the next day's hike even before it's begun). My great night's sleep combined with my power breakfast (two bags of oatmeal w/ protein powder, carnation instant breakfast, lumpy coffe because I was too impatient to wait for the water to boil, and a double dose of Advil) made me hike like a machine today!!! (much to the detriment of my ankle I'm afraid because it's swollen now that I'm in camp) It really feels like my body has transitioned into long distance hiker mode. My stomach's kicked in too-Heidi and I busted out our food bag and consumed every last morsel since we're going into town tomorrow. My mind has done a good bit of transitioning as well. This is the first big change in my life where I haven't had to "find" myself in it-there has been nothing superficial about my experience so far and just being myself and doing what I love has made me so happy. And out of that happiness the things I strive for in "normal" life have come so naturally. I'm inclined to open up and be generous and giving and complimentary and more outgoing and REALLY laid back...it's just the biggest sigh of relief. I've been sitting around a beautiful campfire all night with Heidi and Boomerang just sharing anything and everything-funny stories, philosophies, how we grew up-and the stars are starting to light up and everything is quiet, still, and beautiful. (I sound a little too euphoric don't I? I swear, it was just a good day and no chemicals are affecting my brain right now...talk to me after a day of rain and killer climbs and you'll find the yin to this yang of a day)Another lesson the trail had taught me is one about self-image. I, like many women, just don't have much of one. I've always been displeased about one aspect or another of my body and have surely beat myself up over any chocolate craving that I've satisfied or any appointment with the gym that I haven't. Some of my girlfriends have admired my good self-confidence, but the truth is I've kept my mild self loathing to myself. Out on the trail, however, I've seen how strong and beautiful and resilient my body is. It has weathered nearly hypothermic conditions, brutal foot torture (it looks like I've walked 150 miles on glass), 1,000 foot climbs straight uphill, falls-slips-stumbles-everything-and it's stronger than its ever been-and I couldn't be more thankful for my body and its health. And I tell you, I eat my chocolate bars with pride now and I will continue to even when I'm not burning 5,000 calories a day.