Date: 2006-05-25
From: Toymaker's Cafe (Falls Village, CT)

To: Plateau Tentsite
Miles today: 8.4

..when I woke up this morning around 7:00 (it only took 2 weeks, but my body is slowly conforming to hiker hours),and I walked 50 feet to enter into the cafe, I felt like a man with a wealth of riches. Amenities become luxuries out here. I assume that I am not the first hiker to have this realization...that trail life puts the modern world into perspective.   that it distinguishes, in this big pile of refuse that gets labeled "needs", those which are truly "wants".I am not here for that purpose, though. When I spent 6 months living out of my car, a Toyota Tercel, for that matter, i got all the perspective that I could ever use as to the intrinsic needs of life....food, water, shelter, coffee, and a good bottle to pee in (preferably something with a wide opening...otherwise hand-eye coordination comes into play, and this is not something that you want to trifle with at 6 am when your Toyota is your bedroom/bathroom/living room...Aquafina makes a nice bottle for this...but I digress.)Still, it is nice to be reminded of all of the luxuries of life that are taken for granted. I shared wonderful conversation with Annie and Greg, as their cafe doesn't do a great amount of business. (I don't think that there is much business to be done in Falls Village.)Annie, like me, is originally from the north burbs of Chicago. Lake Zurich to be exact, which if you cut through all of the unincorporated farm land, borders the town that I grew up in, Mundelein.Greg grew up in Oakland, where i lived for 6 months...back when I thought that i might attempt to pursue creative matters seriously...until, of course, I began suffering from a seriously painful bout with writer's block...staring at blank page upon blank page...all while accumulating rejection slips on my old manuscripts. An onset of the existentialist blues, and the realization that i was a nipple-sucking little charlatan followed shortly thereafter.Oh yes, quality time was spent with Greg, reminiscing on Oaktown, as we smoked cigarettes on the front porch of the cafe.If you have seen through this incredibly verbose and digression-filled introduction to my day, my clever little journal reader, as a stalling technique...your skills are quite keen.I talked to Bethany again today.Where I have failed to mention the erosion of our 5 year relationship in this journal, it is not negligence or deception. It is out of necessity. Hiking this damn trail takes too much focus. I don't think very much about the conversations that we had leading up to this hike. her unhappiness. her restlessness. her uncertainty.Today it was unavoidable. I could hear it coming through her voice. We chose at the start of my hike, that we would speak about nothing of consequence...keep everything light and airy.sometimes though, you can tell a lot from nothing...especially when you love someone...when they have been your lover and best friend for 5 years.Am I being delusional? Nothing was said. Does too much time hiking in the woods do this to a man? from nothingness, I am hearing a voice that says, "i am making a choice right now to love no longer.I finished hiking and set up camp early today. I sat down and wrote all of this perception in a long letter to her. I also told her that I would not be calling her anymore from the trail. I find my emotions somewhat more fragile out here, than in the "real world". If I am actually going to use this stupid cellular phone as a connection to this other world, it is going to be for the purpose of raising my spirits.I told her that I would send a text every few days, to say, I haven't been mauled or fallen and broken every bone in my body...and that's it.With this, i felt a sick feeling in my stomach. I needed distraction, and had none. No books, no hiker registers, no vista, no campfires allowed.I was about to start calling random friends, when a group of 20 or so kids from Outward Bound arrived...so I did not (as a matter of courtesy).The camping area here is small. Their energy has swallowed me whole...I mean, all of the kids are charming and friendly (the leader orchestrated the whole group in saying "Hi, Yossarian"), but it is the last thing that I need right now.I've retreated to the solitude of my tent.I just could not get comfortable in my own head.tomorrow is my first zero day of the trip. The timing is good.I have a mail drop waiting in Salisbury for me. and I will send out the letter while I am there.