Date: 2019-04-24
From: Deep Gap

To: Max Patch
Miles today: 6.4

This morning was really tough. We all have our struggles and frustrations out here, and hiking in a group can lead to some, but this morning Hot Sauce and I had a tough talk. She told me that she and Prometheus had been discussing whether or not they wanted to add me to the group and whether or not I fit. No matter how much I understand it, because I do, it still hurt to feel like I was being talked about. She called them ¢team meetings¢. Hot Sauce told me to my face that she was ¢just now warming up to me¢. I had no clue. This whole time I thought they both wanted me here and were excited to bring me in. I also thought their entire trail family had Naners and Joe in it too and I never understood that Hot Sauce and Prometheus were the original two hiking together. I never meant to intrude at all; I just felt accepted.It made me think back to younger days when I had drama with friends before. Jealously is such a terrible emotion, but I felt it a lot with friends throughout the years. And a lot of it had to do with my own insecurities, but I always got jealous when a close friend of mine found another friend and brought them in. I¢ve never been on the other side of the equation and now I am. I¢m the new friend that¢s come in. Because I¢ve been in Hot Sauce¢s shoes, I was able to understand. But I do feel that I¢m more secure and confident in myself these days, so I¢m able to handle and balance things better. I had a relationship right before coming on trail and he would sometimes be spotty with timing or plans, but I was pretty easygoing about it all because I was happy with myself, and I didn¢t need him to be there all the time. I wanted to get to this point and test it out in a relationship. Dating actually went really well for me and I was able to prove to myself how far I had come. I still had a past relationship on my mind and was working through my own struggles, but I was doing well. I also tested it out with my work friends and I built really wonderful friendships there too. I was able to build a nice life for myself before leaving and I proved to myself that I was totally capable of having awesome relationships in my life and being happy with myself. I actually struggled with leaving because of the bonds I had made. Anyway, I was now on the other side, so I was trying to understand Hot Sauce, but she did take it a little far. She was pretty mean and dug into me for pace and timing and how much attention I get from Prometheus. I thought I had the exact same pace and timing as her and I didn¢t realize I was taking attention away from her. I didn¢t defend myself because I knew she needed to let it out, but it was honestly making me question whether or not I could continue with them. I felt pretty horrible emotionally. Prometheus had left before us and was not there for this whole talk. Hot Sauce then left before me because I was kind of taken aback and I needed time to process. A man showed up, ¢Cut Away¢ was his name I think. He was section hiking. We talked for a bit and then I left. I was able to get this morning off my mind for a bit and enjoy the beautiful weather that we had. The hike was all uphill today and it felt difficult, but I drank lots of water and stopped as needed. I stopped for lunch at a road crossing. There was a water source nearby and I went and got some. There were a few men there. Two were section hikers and the rest were thru-hikers. They all were friendly, but I had to start the conversation. I ate a clif bar and had some water. One of the thru-hikers made a joke that ¢we¢re thru-hiking until it becomes a section¢ and I laughed about that. I guess it could be one longgg section. The thru-hikers left and I chatted with the section hikers for a while. One of them was from Alabama, and the other was from South Carolina. The South Carolina man said he married a Northerner and we joked about each other¢s mannerisms and slang. I realized a mosquito had gotten into my dirty water bottle and was floating around and I commented on it. They said ¢you really are from CT, aren¢t you?¢ I wasn¢t complaining, just commenting, but I did find that funny. The mosquitoes can be bad in CT too okay? And we have ticks and Lyme disease! Speaking of, I have found three ticks on me so far in my journey. I plucked them off, but not a fan! I did buy clothes treated with Permethrin that lasts for 70 washes, so I¢m hoping they stay away for the most part, but I have found them! We all headed on, right back uphill. I was taking it slow today, but I knew that we didn¢t have very far to go to Max Patch, so that¢s mainly why I took my time. I enjoyed the nature and the sun and it was wonderful. There¢s a ton of greenery now. It¢s a bit nerve wracking to me because of poison ivy, but it¢s still very nice and the flowers are pretty. I showed up at another road crossing. It was less than a mile to Max Patch. There were a few people there and a plastic bag with fresh strawberries! I had a few and chatted with them. Cut Away was there and a woman who¢s name I can¢t remember, as well as the guy from Alabama, Mike. A little ways down the trail was a water source. It was the last water source for a while because the summit of Max Patch has nothing. I filled up my Platypus and continued on. I met two other men at the water source. It¢s getting hard to remember everyone¢s names. I think that part of my experience has definitely changed. I was excited by every hiker I met back when I started, but there are so many now it¢s less exciting. The hike up Max Patch was not too bad. The path had a set of wooden stairs that led up and the view started to appear as I went up. My pack was heavier with the water, but it was so exciting to see that view. It was beautiful. I got all the way up to the summit and set my pack down. I hiked back down a bit with my GoPro to get a video of it all. When I got back up, I sat down for a bit. Prometheus had texted me earlier and I responded now and told him what happened this morning and that I needed some space. He was nearby and came over to talk. We chatted for a while and it was nice to clear things up. We set up our tents and Hot Sauce came over. Things are okay with us and she set up her sleeping pad and sleeping bag to ¢cowboy camp¢. We made dinner and relaxed. Prometheus finished off my dinner; it was beef stroganoff. I¢m normally not a fan of mushrooms, but I¢ve eaten this meal before and it wasn¢t bad. Tonight I wasn¢t really enjoying it. It was chilly so I took my sleeping bag out and got in it. I took a time-lapse on my GoPro of the sunset. It was a bit hidden behind some clouds, but it was nice. The stars came out and it was beautiful. There were so many. In the distance there were lights of towns and I have to say that was pretty cool. It was like what you¢d see flying over towns or cities in a plane at night, but we were just sitting looking at it. I didn¢t know what towns we were seeing. Prometheus and I chatted for a while and stayed outside and finally went into our tents to sleep. Song of the day: I¢ve been listening to my soundtracks playlist and today it was the Jurassic Park soundtrack. Little Debbie