Date: 2013-12-05
From: Gear Heads Only

To: Winter Gear Check
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: clear sky

I managed to squeeze in an overnight around Springer Mountain and Amicolola Falls State Park. I learned some about my gear, but perhaps more about my future trail-self.First of all, and unsurprisingly, I learned of my physical limitations: my knees and hips needs strenghtening, even with the use of hiking poles. I completed only 18 miles, while planning on 26. Secondly, and most revealingly, I learned about my psychological needs: I am well aware of the fact that most SOBO's cite loneliness as their greatest challenge, but I saw a glimmer of why when I felt an unexpected sad-face to see the Black Gap Shelter empty when I finally staggered into it at 10:00p.m. I had a late start on the AT Approach trail, and it was 6 pm and 40 degrees by the time I got into the woods. I had a full moon, eventually, and a great headlamp when needed, but by the time I was 5 or so miles up the trail, I was hungry and cold. Then I saw a landmark from my SOBO Guide which meant I had a mere 3 miles left until the Springer shelter. Once again, I over-estimated my physical abilities and started climbing, with little food and water...it was simply too cold to stop, having reached about 30 without the wind factored in at this point. I started to bivy on the trail side a couple of times, but each time I stopped I grew so cold and felt so desperately alone, that the allure of a shelter compelled me to keep climbing, even though it was somewhat reckless to do so. The black ice could have easily put me in trouble. In any event, I was happy to see the shelter sign, soon had a fire going, and all was well. My psychological fragility shook me, however, and the second-thoughts that burden us all showed their first signs. (A rare phone call with my older brother the following day helped keep my perspective.)The negative source of second-thoughts can't be ignored, and must actually be embraced. You have to try to look at any future endeavor from all sides. To that end I have to think about, but not dwell fixedly, on the major psychological aspects of my hike. I expect to feel lonely. I do worry most about the solo part of my thru attempt next year, especially as a SOBO. That is, I worry about not having an external source of motivation. In my professional life I succeed or fail based on the estimations of others, and I guess this has taken over more of my life than I'd like to admit. To consider that for 6 months only an internal sanction, only me, myself, and I can call me out and get my body moving is a major shift in thinking. I can only try the old advice from the stoic philosopher Epictetus; he says that when you are preparing to bathe you should try to "represent to yourself" the incidents usual in a bath--people will splash you, others will be loud, etc.--then you are better prepared for when they do happen, for they are not good or bad in and of themselves, but are good or bad in our own estimation. This sounds simple, but it's really the only recourse we have. It implies that we have found out as best we can what is usual for a thru-hike and factored those incidents (large and small) into the expected utility of the overall experience. Here's his own words: "When you set about any action, remind yourself of what nature the action is. If you are going to bathe, represent to yourself the incidents usual in the bath, -- some persons pouring out, others pushing in, others scolding, others pilfering. And thus you will more safely go about this action, if you say to yourself, "I will now go to bathe, and keep my own will in harmony with nature." And so with regard to every other action. For thus, if any impediment arises in bathing, you will be able to say, "It was not only to bathe that I desired, but to keep my will in harmony with nature; and I shall not keep it thus, if I am out of humor at things that happen."Bottom line: The draw of a shelter was a surprise, and may mean that I have to plan my thru around the distances between shelters and the likely availability of room in them. Finally, concerning my gear: my bag and tent and pad were awesome, as was my stove, but one of my poles crapped out, and I need better stuff sacks.(My prior SOBO's hand-written posts in the journal on the summit were so inspirational; I have been following some of these folks for months now, and to see them come alive was unreal. Hi Kayleigh!) Spinoza