Date: 2008-02-07
To: View Entry
Miles today: 0.0

   Well, I am writing today to say that apparently when I mentioned that I was done buying all my essential gear, I was lying to you. Last night I took stock of all my gear and wrote a list of items I didn't have. Given, I have all of my big ticket items like my tent and my water filter but I didn't account for my little items like floss and small containers for spices and things. This frustrates me but then I always have to get stressed out planning things like this. I guess it's part of the territory. As a general rule, I act like I am preparing weeks in advance by doing stupid tasks that only look efficient and effective. Then, about 9 days before D Day, I freak out because all the 'work' I have done in the past weeks that I was stressing, about amounted to nothing. Now I have a million things to do and I have no time to do it! Needless to say, this only amplifies my frustrations.    Honestly, this always happens and even though I anticipate it, nothing changes the fact that I procrastinate about doing real chores because doing useless tasks makes me feel good that I am seemingly getting things done but doesn't necessarily entail any work...    On a more positive note, I googled images of the trial today and it almost made me sick with wanting. I realized that I just want to get there and start my trip. I was talking to this girl on Facebook who is planning a trip from GA to MA in march and she expressed concern over the fact that I have never gone hiking before. She said that maybe I didn't realize what I was getting into and that I should probably try to reassess my goals. It felt good to know that other people have the same concerns for me that I think about all the time. My response to her was, "I have no idea what I am getting into but what's the fun in doing something outrageous unless you are learning something about yourself? At the very least I will learn that I either like hiking or do not like hiking. From what I have heard it is like walking up and down high hills with a seven year old on your back. I fully expect it to be the hardest thing I have done in my life and that is what appeals to me. It was either this or basic training for the Marines, I am looking for a physical challenge that will either be so hard it will defeat me, or will inspire me to defeat it. There is no harm in trying something new and as far as I am concerned, there is no shame in only hiking a portion of the trail. My goal is one month of hiking, which seems achieveable. I have no idea what is going to happen, but that is what inspires me to do this."Saying this 'outloud' as it were, felt great becasue up until that moment my own doubts about my ability had clouded my own determination beyond recognition. Telling someone something positive and unrehearsed really improved my attitude about this whole thing. Sure, I'm scared but if I weren't I think that would be unhealthy. There is a lot of risk for me but last night when I wrote my response to this girl's concerns, which echoed my own, I realized that I frequently let myself quit before I even begin because I have a fear of succeeding. In retrospect, I can see it happening in everything I do and have done and so I decided that my only my goal for this trip is to stop myself from ruining my own success. Fear will not stop me and I will not stop me.      Sarah LouiseLike damn, I'm from Minnesota, land of the cold airToo many mosquitoes and our fair share of egosBut like my man Sabe says, that's where my mommy staysSo if the people laugh and giggle when you tell em where you liveAnd if you know this is where you wanna raise your kidsIf you're from the Midwest and it doesn't matter whereIf you can drink tap water and breathe the airSay shhh, say shhh