Date: 2012-05-22
From: Deer Lick Shelter

To: Route 30
Miles today: 13.0

Had a rough night's sleep last night. Mack was still wet from the rain and shivering as he fell asleep. I finally made room for him on my sleeping pad and pulled him into my nook to cuddle him so he'd stay warm. We fell asleep like that. I woke up early and took my time packing up camp. I got Mack to eat his food by tossing it to him. He would catch it in the air or chase it. He got really excited when I picked up his pack and asked if he wanted to go hiking. The trail was easy again, very little grade in the morning. We made it to a shelter to eat lunch and were surprised to find Solar Eagle there. He was surprised to see us too. He had zeroed there to avoid walking in the rain. We moved on and went up a steep uphill. It rained all day, on and off. We climbed up to 1900 feet and I took a blue blaze out to Chimney Rocks where there was a spectacular view. I spent a lot of time there thinking about my hike and my future plans.I thought a lot about the mean comment someone left in my guest book and what it meant. And my message to Jimbo is, You're right. I'm not a thru hiker anymore. I'm through hiking. THROUGH! I know this may be surprising to some of you and the support that I have received during these past two months has meant a lot to me. Your comments got me through a lot of difficult days. But the truth is, this hike has become something ugly for me. It's become work. I started to feel like I had to make the miles and I stopped having fun. I feel like I've become a slave to the trail. In a sense, the hike stopped being fun when DO IT left. Losing my hiking partner meant I no longer had someone who understood me and the experiences that I was having. In a way, this journal filled that void. It helped me to validate my experiences by being able to share them with all of you. But in reality, we all need someone to play witness to our lives. When I left for the trail, DO IT asked me what I wanted to achieve by hiking and I decided that what I wanted was perspective. And I have already achieved that. I have realized whats important to me and what I could do without. I've learned to value the important role that other people play in our lives. I will always look favorably upon this time that I spent on the trail and I am sure I will be back out there one day and pick up right where I left off. But again, when it stops being fun, I need to walk away (or preferably drive). I would encourage anyone who is thinking of a thru hike to get out there and give it a try. And if you figure out a way to do it without feeling rushed and pressured to make miles, please let me know! Freedom can mean different things to different people and after making the decision to leave the trail, I felt an overwhelming sense of freedom. But I felt a sense of loss right along with it. I wanted this to be my definition of freedom, I wanted it so bad. But it wasn't, and I am glad that I realized that it wasn't the experience that I wanted it to be. So I finished out the day and had Nick pick me up on Rt 30. I cried right there on the rocks, and I cried on my way down the rocks (which made me fall a lot btw, not recommended), and then I cried on the way home and again when I got home. But I *think* that I have found a new way to have my ultimate adventure and experience freedom in a way that I never have before. In the next 2 months, I plan to work. I don't want to go back to my old job just yet. I plan to just get some easy job that I'm not invested in. After the 2 months, I'll go on vacation with my family like I do every year. And then on August 1st, my new journey begins as my big sister and I hit the road. We will have 2 hiking packs and 2 kayaks on the roof. We plan to swim in the great lakes, see Niagara Falls from Canada (kayak down Niagara Falls?), camp out in the badlands, watch Old Faithful (actually I'm going to put my kayak on top of it and wait for it to erupt), we'll finally see our brother in Portland, we'll wrap our arms around the Redwood Trees, we'll go swimming in the Pacific Ocean, we'll drive all the way down the coast and eat tacos in Mexico, we'll go climbing in slot canyons, hike into the grand canyon, lay down on a soft pine floor in Texas, we'll kayak into the gulf and eat Key Lime Pie in Key West. I can't thank you all enough for the support that you have given me. I will post an update soon when I find a new blog spot for my next great adventure. Don't know if I can go by Blisters on the road, but I will be driving all day so I might have some sweet butt blisters to blog about. Happy Hiking to all of you <3