Date: 2014-05-31
To: Final Preps and Worries
Miles today: 0.0

I leave for Maine in under a month, and am fixated on the attempt like a dog on his bone.Besides treating my gear and clothes with permethrin, and swinging by the airport to see if my pack, minus some items being mailed ahead to the AT Lodge in Millinocket, ME, will fit in carry-on, all the major and minor and minuscule decisions have been made. (This must be BS, as I wake up every morning second-guessing my arrangements.) The main work still to be done is on me and mine. Having read all of the first-hand accounts of the trail in New England I could get my hands on, I am mainly concerned with my physical conditioning for the mountains and my mental readiness for the Maine wilderness. I am walking with a pack and/or hitting the gym every day, but it's hardly preparatory for the ups and downs of the hills in southern Maine and New Hampshire. (Those who walked the entire trail have in effect climbed Mt. Everest several times over, I am told.)I'm spending as much time as I can with my girls, especially Molly (she turns 16 when I should be somewhere near Caratunk, ME) and doing so only drives my self-doubts deeper. At times the 5.2-month walk strikes me as the height of selfishness, but I remember David "Awol" Miller's sound counsel: that we want to occasionally remind our children that their parents retain the need to live their dreams, and even to model for them the effort it takes to accomplish one's goals. (To paraphrase part of the "Epilogue" to his "AWOL on the Appalachian Trail.") I've learned a lot in the past year of planning, to be sure, and if preparedness could be measured in hours, I should feel as confident as the next thru-hiker. (Unfortunately, about nine out of the next ten SOBO thru-hikers fail to finish on their initial attempt, so such confidence doesn't exactly inspire.)In the ten or so overnight hiking trips I've done this Spring and Winter--most of them to the mountains of North AL and South GA--I've gotten familiar and then comfortable with my gear and clothing. I still worry that it may get colder in the White Mountains than I am outfitted for, but a day or so delay in getting over Mt Washington, for instance, is a fair price to pay for the lighter weight on my back. My winter gear may get revised as I approach South VA; it's just too far off and far afield to commit myself now. Though I have some items prepared to be mailed to me in VA, should I make it that far. I still worry about the amount of food I'll need to get through the 100-mile wilderness, but more so about the height of the "brooks" I'll have to ford there. (Katahdin and Maine are melting later than usual, with some trails in Baxter State Park yet to re-open.)The line between excitement and apprehension has never been finer.Let me add this: When I started planning this trip a year ago, I envisioned it as a personal struggle, but by now I have learned how it usually "takes a village" to walk away from one's responsibilities and have a shot at realizing one's dreams. This may sound pathetic, but I have already (before even hitting the trail) been humbled by the support (and even offers of support) given by my family and friends on my behalf. I don't want to call anyone out in particular here, but from financing to pet-hosting and house-sitting, and from personal and professional duties, I am overwhelmed by the level of accommodation those closest to me have afforded my escape. I feel unworthy, currently, but will dedicate any Appalachian accomplishments to you. A million thanks.