Date: 2006-05-30
From: Upper Goose Pond

To: Lee, MA (US 20)
Miles today: 1.6

i have checked myself into a hotel for the first time in a while.my original plan was to do so about once a week, but it just hasn't worked out that way...due to either price, location, or the lack of need (as i've been able to do laundry and stuff in towns.)but today, i am beat down after the abuse that i heaped on myself yesterday.I woke up at the cabin this morning...still no caretaker, which meant no pancakes...and no water! I exaggerate of course, cause there was pond water...yummy. I filled a liter, and dropped in a tablet for treatment...which meant 4 hours later i had some warm, wretched tasting (yet chemically treated) water.I took my time today, not that i had much of a choice...my legs were still a little pissed off at me from yesterday. when i gave the directives, "you, left leg...up! and forward!....right leg...it's your turn!"... they pretty much laughed at me, and told me, "hey, you're just lucky we didn't up and leave while you were sleeping."i had zero energy, not much water until well after noon, and the temperature was back up into the 90s. todays 90s were worse cause i had to roadwalk for about 5 miles. The sun just baked me.funny wasn't i just whining about the cold? It went straight from 60s to 90s, with i think) one pleasant day in between.as it seems that most of this journal is for whining and complaining, i may as well add that i developed a couple of new blisters today during the road walk. Also, i pulled another tick out this afternoon. This one was blood red, which is, i guess, what they look like after they've been feeding on you for awhile.Once i got to town, and got checked in, the day improved greatly.I took a much needed shower. went to the laundromat. stopped at a cafe. went to the library.I stopped for pizza on the way back to the hotel.I text messaged Riff again, but i think he's not nearly as excited for me as i am. I told him, that if i finish this hike, i will likely view it as my greatest accomplishment of will to date. This is really saying something as i have fasted for 30 days before. I've lived out of my car for 4 months, in order to save enough money to move to California.I think he's starting to find my texts to be a bit of braggadocio. As best friends, we have always been covertly competitive (physically, intellectually, creatively, romantically, philosophically)...but the one area I've always been superior in is will.we have tried fasting together, but he has ever gotten past the first few days. We chose to become vegetarians once, merely as a test of wills... I didn't eat meat for 6 years.I don't think he lasted 6 hours.He has tried several times, and always succumbs to carnivorous cravings.So I believe, as i continually send him messages..."1 week down!"..."I kick ass!"..."approaching 200 miles", that his feelings of empathy (or even vicarious pleasure) are being over-ridden by the tacit rivalry.the reality is, i am a very passive individual. i could sit on a rock motionless all day. clear my mind, and never get bored. not doing something is easy for me. fasting. having patience. quietly listening for my cues.going without creature comforts is easy for me, but to add in the fact that i have to motivate myself everyday to hike mountains...to transport myself from NJ to Vermont, with my legs as my mode of transportation, really is a huge accomplishment for me.but i am certainly not texting anyone as a braggart...i pull out my phone an start texting people when i am weak and lonely, and want to go home more than anything in the world. I'm just grasping for some perspective.i got back to the hotel, sank into the bed, and merely lay there listening to the hum of the AC.after a while i flipped on the TV in time to catch Jon Stewart followed by Stephen Colbert...oh, my 2 old friends, i have missed you dearly.