Date: 2019-06-10
From: Vortex... for the last timeeee

To: Pickle Branch Shelter
Miles today: 1.2
Weather: overcast clouds

Today it was time to go. I hung out for a long time though. I was actually really sad to leave these peeps. Mama Squirrel took my picture for me with Acadicus and Tramp. Some would later judge the photo for me being pictured with bearded men. Lol every damn man on the trail has a beard. Acadicus had some interesting things to say to me when we talked about his thru-hike and CT in particular. He said CT was the most judgmental state on the AT and I¢m not in the least bit surprised. He walked into the two towns in CT, with boarding school students in khakis and polos and Sperrys giving him scathing looks and cars refusing to give hitches. I wish I could say where I¢m from is different, but not at all. I grew up learning to judge people and being judged. I had to have the right brands, the right weight, play the right sport. It¢s all bull. I¢m out here on the trail being exactly who I am and no one is judging me. And I don¢t judge them. I could care less if you have a beard, or a dark past, or tattoos. I¢m actually more uncomfortable around the hikers that somehow look like supermodels out here and still make me feel ugly and worthless. I¢m more comfortable around those who just accept me and appreciate me. At Angel¢s Rest I was family to them. It didn¢t matter where we all came from. The trail is like that. There are some asses out here for sure and some competition, but for the most part, everyone is so genuine and accepting. I¢m disheartened that I may pass through my own state and get judged instead of helped because I look like hiker trash and isn¢t that so horrible. I can¢t believe I spent so much of my life being that. Doing that. My ex actually called me out on it once. We were sitting in a restaurant and I was just staring at someone, face crinkled at them. He said ¢why are you giving them that look?¢ He was such an accepting and open-minded person and he opened me up to a lot of what I was doing wrong. And judgment can definitely come from insecurity and I often found that was the case for me, but now that I¢m happier with myself, I don¢t need to judge to make myself happy. I¢ve grown so much even in the last year and I would never have realized what I was doing without him. I¢m grateful and at the same time full of so much regret for how I lived my life for so long. And I was so unhappy for long, but that doesn¢t excuse how unhappy I may have made other people. Environment plays a role. As much as I loved CT, man the rest of the US is so much nicer. I¢m sorry to all AT hikers who don¢t get treated well passing through CT. I¢m hoping the rest of the Yankee north is friendly. At least my friends and family up there are and will be helpful. I have several friends in Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire and I¢m looking forward to connecting with them all!! I¢ll be there I promise!! Anyway, I said goodbye to Tramp and Acadicus and I made the trek back to the trail. He parked and we sat by the river on the footbridge for a while. We chatted and he said he was excited for me and all the things I was going to get to see. We hugged and I headed out. And it started pouring lol. Is that a clich©? It was uphill of course and there was a shelter in one mile. That would be quite the Nero, but it was pouring. So I stopped there and decided to stay. Tomorrow I¢d do bigger miles and the sun was supposed to come out, so hopefully I could make it to McAfee Knob, the view I¢ve been dreaming about for so long!  I met three other hikers at the shelter. Two were a couple, 20 milers, and one was a section hiker. We all decided to hang our food in the shelter because it was pouring and no one wanted to go out to hang it. The shelter was very far off trail also. It was a bit annoying to get that far off trail, but worth it to stay out of the rain. We all headed to bed and I was a little homesick for Angel¢s Rest, but happy to be back on trail.Little Debbie