Date: 2005-02-16
To: verbatim
Miles today: 0.0

As I have come to the conclusion that editorializing would only diminish the reading experience, you will find below, in transcript form, an as-accurate-as-I-can-make-it reconstruction of part of tonight¢s conversation with my mother:***My mother: I¢m getting excited for your hike.Me: Me too. It¢s so soon.Are you going to give us an itinerary of where you¢ll be?I¢ll have one posted online, and I¢ll update it as I go.Online?Yeah.On a website?Yeah.Do you have a website?Yeah.Can I see it?No. Later.What?!When I leave, you can see it.What?!When I leave, you can see it.No! Now!Nope.You are such a little jerk.It¢ll be something for you to look forward to.(Pause)Is there a PICTURE of you on your website?Yeah.I want to see it! I want to see it this instant! I want to go upstairs and have you show me right now!Nope.You¢re a jerk.You can see it in a few weeks.Why not now?!I want to be out of state when you read it.Why? Is there a poem about me on it?No¢¦ no poems.(Pause)What¢s your hiking partner¢s name again? Steve? Joe?Mike.Right.I saw Sigrid Bergenstein today, you know, Abigail¢s mom, and she always asks about my hiking plans when I see her, and today she asked whether I had a hiking partner, and I told her I met this guy, and I said, Yeah, my mother wasn¢t thrilled when she thought I was going alone, and then when I told her I found someone to hike with, she was all, What if he¢s a psychopath. I said, I can¢t win, you know? And Sigrid said, Mothers. Very ironically. You said that to her? Out loud?Yeah.You told her I was afraid you might be hiking with a psychopath. Yeah.Oh, Jessica.What?You wrote it on your website, too, didn¢t you.Maybe. It¢s possible.You pisser. I hate you.Well, I love you.No you don¢t. If you really loved me you¢d show me your website.My love is unconditional.Mine isn¢t. You can read it soon.I¢m going to keep secrets now. I¢m going to think of things and never tell you them, ever.You can read the journal in three weeks.I don¢t care. I¢m going to keep secrets from you forever. Because I¢m mad.Okay.You are such a clam. You and your father. Clams. I¢ve noticed that, you know, as you¢ve gotten older. You get more and more like him. Exactly like him.Not like him, I am not a clam.You¢re right. Not exactly like him. But you never tell me anything.I do too. Can we have a little perspective please?You are exactly like your father.Meaning?You have to be logical all the time.Logic is the last refuge of the desperate.Oh stop it.I¢m not kidding, either. I can¢t believe you said I think you¢re hiking with a psychopath. You totally made that up. You were the first one to say it, when you said how the two of you joked about being sick and demented.Yeah, that DAY, and then two days later when Jaime was here, you asked her whether she thought I¢d really be safe, if it was okay for me to hike with this guy, or whether she thought I was gonna get killed.(Pause)I was making conversation.I¢ll say.Actually, if you want to know, I think it¢s good that you¢re hiking with someone else. With a guy. With a tall guy.I¢m glad you feel that way.He looked short in the picture, though.No he didn¢t.Yes he did.No he didn¢t.I guess I¢m not so good at the picture thing, huh? I guess not.But I hope he doesn¢t get on your nerves.Well, I hope so too. He¢s probably hoping I won¢t get on his. You get on my nerves. Doesn¢t take much.And another thing ¢Oh, lay it on me. Here we go. Come on. I can take it.You are all into communication and ¢Who says I¢m all into communication?You like theater and writing but with me you¢re totally selective about what you say.Theater and writing are totally selective.You PUBLISH things, you put them out there for the whole WORLD to read ¢When I publish things, you read them.Not this website!You can read it when I go. Why not now?I don¢t want to give you cannon fodder.You¢re so exasperating.So I hear.You ARE like your father. How does my not wanting to show you the website yet make me like him?Your sole purpose in life is to thwart me. Both of you. Thwarting me.Yeah, you figured me out.You¢re a clam.You realize you spend half your time complaining I¢m a clam, and the other half telling me to shut up.Shut up.See?You know perfectly well that when I tell you to shut up, what I¢m really saying is, I love you.You¢re pretty damn lucky I¢ve figured that out.Show me your website.Later.But I want to see your itinerary.It¢s not on the website yet.Go print it out.I haven¢t written it up yet.Well, do it! Jerk!I will!Good!Good!You¢re unbelievably aggravating.So I hear.I¢m going to bed. I¢ve clearly gotten all it¢s possible to get out of YOU for one night.Night. Sleep tight.Shut up.Love you too.