Date: 2015-08-07
From: White Mountains Lodge and Hostel

To: Carlo Col Shelter
Miles today: 17.0

I am in Maine.MAINE.281.3 miles from Katahdin. What the heck?I didn't get as much sleep as I hoped. Classic mistake, too much junk food. Too much sugar means not enough sleep. Also it was kind of warm in the bunk room.Out of the six people in the room, only Iso and I got up for breakfast. It seemed like everyone else from the other rooms are, but the rest of our room was lazy. The only other person I knew there was Samaritan. I was curious to know if all of them were taking zeros or neros.Iso was cute. He said that he had slept really well, and was surprised that there wasn't a single snorer in our room. "Unless it was me!" He said, but I assured him that he hadn't been. He was right above me, I would have noticed.I wanted a zero. I wanted to sleep forever.But Maine was calling!I ate hiker breakfast, made by Marni at the hostel. It included a very delicious muffin and breakfast burrito. And then Gertrude and I set off, off into the great beyond, down a painful paved road for half a mile.The beginning was tough but not too tough. The climb up Mt Hayes was fairly gentle but still hard, what with Gertrude being full of extra snacks and water and my big heavy sleeping bag (I love my sleeping bag).However, I think it was good that there was a rough start. Since the trail wasn't super rocky, I got to get some frantic thinking done without the interruption of having to skid my way up a ledge.It was a nice morning, too, sunny and cool. As I headed up the mountain, it seemed like I was home... the deciduous trees and leaves scattering the forest floor were unlike the vegetation of the high elevations I have been used to lately.So I thought. Lots of thinking.I know that I worry too much. But now the end is fast approaching. I have to start to plan so that I can summit Katahdin with Alexa, and attend her wedding. I need to let mom and Dan know an estimate of THE END because they want to pick up my sad red butt when we climb back down Katahdin.I think I have the beginning of a plan. I am hoping to perfect it and plan out a bit more in Andover. I may try to nero there Monday, so I can get my mail drop and make phone calls and chart out some miles. I also have to research travel and lodging for the wedding. So many things to do! So many things to look forward to!I think my plan will require slowing down a little. Kind of. I actually think it will set me up for a good pace. I want to be able to take a couple more neros in the towns where I have mail drops.It will also keep me on the trail for a few more weeks. Which is good. Sometimes I get frustrated and JUST WANT TO BE DONE but I know there will be consequences if I rush. Besides wrecking my body, there will be mental and emotional ramifications.I fully expect the beginning of Maine to be difficult. Just because I will be leaving the Whites behind me, that doesn't mean that the hike will become easy (although the 100 Mile Wilderness looks quite flat and spectacular, I am psyched for that). Tomorrow looks like it will be particularly rough.Frozen Mac, who I saw often in the beginning of my hike, blew ahead of me as she raced north. She summited Katahdin about a week ago.Last night, I read a blog entry that she wrote about readjusting to life after the trail. It was not particularly encouraging.I am scared of the end. I don't really know why, though. At this point, I feel like a confused ball of emotions, rolling down the trail, my mood swinging up with every flat stretch and down with every dang freaking impossible boulder patch.It's not that I am scared of real life. I'm not. I think I will adjust okay... I really like the idea of sleeping in a bed and eating fresh fruits and veggies (and yogurt!).The best part is that I have so many things to look forward to. Family! Holidays! Friends and time in Maine! I at least have a buffer of transition that will help me. I won't have to head right back to living with mom and Dan and facing all those sad memories. I know that I will miss the trail. As much as I want to get away from it sometimes now, I know that leaving it will create a void in my hiker heart. The trail has taken my blood, sweat, tears, and snot (I am an excellent snot-rocket-blower now. One of several resume-worthy skills I have acquired since Springer). The trail is a part of me, as are my hundred scars from falls and slips and that weird affliction I got on my hands in Virginia.Maybe it's just the distant future that gets to me. The idea of moving back home to all those old memories definitely scares me a little. I hate that home is now just as sad of a place as it is wonderful. I always miss home. I miss my family. But going back there now is just strange.I DON'T KNOW. THE END SCARES ME FOR NO GOOD REASON. I pondered that a lot today as I cemented my plan to summit towards the end of the month. I can slow down and try to get as much out of these last 281.3 miles as I can. I think it is good to have this plan because it will FORCE me to take it easy. I have trouble with that sometimes.I am glad that I am not Frozen Mac. I am glad that I am still on the trail, that I still have much to do. There are more mountains to conquer! More nights to spend under the starry sky! More hiker weirdos to meet! More pizzas to devour!So that's that.There were some pretty ponds today. There were a few steep climbs. Mt Success was not anywhere near as bad as I expected, and I powered over it with the energy of 500 M&Ms. I also felt sick all afternoon as Gertrude squeezed my tummy, which was angry at all the junk food forced into it over the last two days.I passed the border near the end of the day. Silent Force and I took each other's pictures with the sign. The last state.I didn't cry. I didn't get sad. My tummy hurt so I sat and ate crackers and drank Powerade as Silent Force hiked on. I spent my last break in New Hampshire before heading to the shelter (which is a HORRIBLE 0.3 miles off the AT... I am dreading that hike back to the trail in the morning).I wanted to tent tonight but the tent sites are overrun with children and teenagers (a French Canadian youth group?!). I decided that the shelter was the lesser of two terrible sleeping situations. I have ear plugs.I am missing a lot of details... I passed a few people today, including SOG (thankfully managed to avoid a long chat). One southbound hiker told me, "You're almost there. Good job!" as I struggled up a particularly steep stretch, which made me want to cry. Those words of encouragement just strike me right in the heart.I am very tired but feel good. I climbed mountains today. I stood on top of Mt Success actually feeling successful. I made it to Maine. I will make it to Katahdin.My feet are sore. My legs will wake me up in the night, stiff and begging for a change of position. But my body is strong. My legs can handle the boulders, the ledges, the climbs.I am thankful that I am in the forest, that I have weeks left to embrace all that the trail can give me and teach me before I head back home. I am thankful for a hundred things. I am thankful that even though I have so many rough times during the day, I do still want to be here. I still enjoy the trail. Here's to 281.3 more miles...