Date: 2004-07-07
To: I hope you had the time of your life
Miles today: 0.0

"How can I go home with nothing to say? I know you're going to look at me that way, and say 'what did you do out there? What did you decide? You said you needed time. Well, you had time.'" -Ani DiFranco"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go. So make the best of this task and don't ask why. It's not a question but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you had the time of your life." -Green DayI thought the day I picked up my backpack and said goodbye to my family and Kat was the hardest day of my life. It wasn't.I thought the day I decided to get off the Trail, the day I gave up my dream of thru-hiking the AT was the hardest day of my life. It wasn't.Today I said goodbye to one of my best friends, my faithful hiking companion, and my fiance. Today was the hardest day of my life.And you would think, after the month we've been off the Trail, I would have planned some great final entry, some deep philosophical entry about dreams, and shutting windows but opening doors, and other things like that, but I haven't. All I can do for you is try to explain why I did it and leave it at that. You can call me a failure, or you can call me a thru-hiker, it's your choice. but this is what I know:1. I wanted to hike the AT to find out who I am. I did.2. I wanted to hike the AT to figure out what I want to do with my life. I did that too.3. I thought that it would take me until I got to Katahdin to "find" myself and to figure out what I want to do with my life. It didn't.4. Once I had the above figured out and planted firmly in my mind, hiking became a chore. It became something I didn't look forward to. It started to stress me out. This is not why I wanted to hike the Trail.5. I wanted to hike the AT to find friends that I would have for the rest of my life. I found friends, and a whole lot more. I found my soulmate.6. Lots of people will say I failed, that I didn't complete the thru-hike because I didn't hike from Springer to Katahdin. If the physical hike is what you consider a thru-hike, then, yes, I did fail. But that is not what my thru-hike was about. I finished my thru-hike. In my mind, I am a thru-hiker.7. The Trail tought me a lot about myself and other people. Some good, some bad, but overall that our differences can make us closer than anyone knows.8. Some people will say Bloody Cactus and I are moving too fast, are jumping in way over our heads. Go ahead. Our friends understand and support us 100%9. The Trail was by far the hardest, the most amazing, the most wild, the craziest, and the most meaningful thing I have ever done in my life. I do not regret how it ended in the least. In fact, I'm thrilled at the outcome.10. I will continue to hike the AT and hopefully, one day, BC and I will finish our physical thru-hike, but for now, my quest for GA-ME 04 is over.If I could say one thing to all those who want to hike the AT but don't think they have the time or money or energy or athleticism or whatever they don't think they have that they think they need to thru-hike, I would say this:DO IT. Don't wait, don't hesitate, don't worry about if you're scared or if you'll fail or if you'll even make it 30 miles. It's the journey that you go on, the people that you meet, the stories you'll tell, and the fact that you had the guts to try it that counts.Don't get me wrong. Hiking the AT is hard. It's not fun in the normal sense. The Trail has her hard days, her bad days, her wet days, her smelly days, and her hot days, but still I love her. I love the person I have become, the friends I have found, the stories I will tell, and the fact that I had the guts to try. I love the fact that I have found what I was seeking: myself and my future. I'm just one of the lucky ones that stumbled upon love and, as it turns out, found that my future isn't about a job or money. My future is with a man that compliments and completes me so fully that I can't even fathom how I have lived 24 years without him.I hope you have enjoyed my journey and my thru-hike. I will update now and again with hike updates and life updates, but my thru-hike for this year is over.Thank you so much to all of you who have read my journal, who have prayed for me, who have sent me goodies along the way, who have supported me with beds or money or food or laughter. Thank you to all who have signed my guestbook with encouraging words that kept me going until I finished. You helped more than you will ever know.Thank you to the Gang--the March 1sters. You are my family and I can't wait to celebrate with you as you reach Katahdin and finish your hikes. See you on the Trail.Xena, Warrior Princess, GA-VA 2004