Date: 2015-09-16
From: Safford Notch Campsite

To: West Carry Pond
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: overcast clouds

The wind continued to howl all night long. It was eerie and haunting and beautiful, like an ancient wailing. I woke up several times during the night and listened to it, amazed at its endurance.,I woke late in the morning, about 6:20. The wind was still strong and It was a little cold. I don't have D.No and C.Shell to beat out of camp anymore so I just stayed in my bag until 7 or so. I wrote a trail journal, I procrastinated by charting out the next few days, I rearranged my electronic charging cords. Finally, I packed up all of my stuff inside the tent. I got out and made coffee and oatmeal, I ate it while reading. I called my parents, my mother in law, and my husband. I packed up and finally made it out of camp at 10am. I have never done this before, just lazed around camp, but it was nice and I'm glad I did it this once.The hike started with a two mile climb up little Bigelow. It wasn't hard or challenging, especially after yesterday, and I found myself enjoying the beautiful views pretty quickly. There were several view points right on the trail and I didn't take any side trails to see other views. There were a few climbs requiring using hands, but other than just slowing me down, they were not bad. After that climb, the trail went down. A few challenging rocky descents later , I found myself on a beautiful smooth trail, padded with pine needles that absorbed the foot pounding. I made pretty good time heading mostly down to Little Bigelow Lean To. I didn't visit that shelter, but stopped at the stream before it to eat lunch and water up. I enjoyed the sounds of the water as it traveled through the rocks on its way who knows where. I passed lots of day hikers today, and they must know by my hairy legs and smell that I am a thru hiker. They congratulated me as I passed by them and told me different stories of the terrain ahead. It's hard. It's easy. It's flat. It's mountainous. They are all correct because like everything else in this life, we perceive things through our own filters.The stream and the trail meandered side by side for quite a while, and I stopped to peek over at it many times. So beautiful. I crossed over the road Katwalk had been dropped at yesterday. I need to make miles to catch her, although I will see her in Caratunk tomorrow, so I didn't feel too much pressure.I stopped for a break and read some email. No good news about my business. We had a good summer but now the dreaded September is upon us. It is always the most painful month of the year, but this year might be the worst I have experienced in 12 years. I should have been home 2 weeks ago, and I still have two weeks to go. I was kidding myself in the beginning when I thought I could do this in 5 months. I have crossed the line of where people are supportive of this hike to where I am hiking at the expense of others. I can feel the toxic tendrils of stress reaching for me, still there, waiting not so patiently for me to return to my life.As I hiked, with nothing to do but put one foot in front of the other and obsess, I considered just leaving the trail at Caratunk and going home. It feels unfair to let my employees stress anymore and endure all of the other stuff that comes with a bad month in retail. But I decided to finish. I can work hard when I get back and salvage what I can for this month and next. I have been in business long enough to know that September is always going to suck. Small business owners have these struggles and that's the way it is. I believe that I have made it this far on the trail because of the mental toughening up from owning a business. Shop local! Especially in September and January. The easy hike ran into a few climbs and I was pissed! I was liking that flat trail, hiking fast. The annoying climb in the middle of my speedway didn't last long and soon I was happy again. Eventually the trail led to a lake. The weather is hot right now and I decided to stop here. I stripped off all of my clothes and went skinny dipping. The water felt great. I pitched my tent next to the water and decided that since this was a night of firsts, I would leave my rainfly off of my tent. As I cooked dinner, I watched some animals in the distance play in the water, they swam back and forth, chasing each other. They turned out to be ducks but for a while I thought they were otters. I sat on the rocks next to the lake, as the sun I couldn't quite see set and made the water come to life with color and light. I ate my dinner looking at the incredible beauty and serenity around me.And then this heathen prayed. I prayed to the beautiful earth in front of me- to which I now feel a profound connection- for clarity, for strength, for gratitude. I will not go home and be a victim of stress, an unhappy person who gets overwhelmed by a life of my own choosing. I did that already and it drove me nuts. I have almost completed the challenge of my life. I have many moments of my own strength to draw on as I return to battle the headwinds of owning a small business. I am now lying in my tent listening to what I think is a coyote. A different kind of howling than the wind, but still haunting and beautiful.