Date: 2002-07-04
To: MY ATTITUDE
Miles today: 0.0

In my very first Journal Entry I stated that I wanted to supply good factual information for those of you who might read what I have to write here. Then there are nights like tonight when I need to write here so that I can rationalize in my mind why it is that I want to do this.The past few days have been hot as hell here in northern Virginia. It has made me wish that I was at the river, baking in the sun, smelling like life jacket funk, and eating ramen noodles for dinner. Instead I have been here in NOVA at my ghetto town house moping around recovering from pink eye that I probabl got off some computer at work. My attitude sucks right now. There have only been a few instances in my life when I can remember not worrying about the little things that were not. I played sports at a HS that was a shit hole. We did not have much. We did have a great coach, and some great people, and that was all that we needed to turn shit holes into gold mines and not only win but dominate.Other circumstances in my life where I was not so fortunate to be blessed with a cast of great surrounding characters I started to critique the little things and blame them for the reasons why success and satisfaction was not able to be achieved. Now I work in an office where there is no consistency and no "policy" on anything. We just make life up as we go. I dont do well in this environment and frankly I am to damn smart to do this job.Some one (a young woman) told me tonight that my attitude sucks. That kinda struck me as odd coming from some one who is my age, and who does my job. It is almost dissappointing that I have come to this point. I hate what I have become. I hold my self to such a high standard and I am so smart and so independant in my thinking that I cant tolerate situations where I am not in control, not right, or not able to find a good solution to a problem for the managers sake.I want to change my attitude with this hike. I want to go back and start to enjoy the little things like a bowl of icecream, or a walk while the sun is setting, or the company of a young woman. I have not enjoyed any of that for such a long time because I am so pre-occupied with.... with frustration of the rest of the JACK ASSES in the world.I was in the parking lot at the grocery store this AM getting some fixins to make some burgers and some lazy basturd parked splitting a HANDY CAPPED SPOT and the safety zone where people are supposed to walk to get to there car with the shopping cart. I stoped at the safety zone and then proceded to go around an older lady who was struggling with her cart. While turning into the next isle I awaited a young woman and her mother crossing in front of me and then whipped it into the spot. The young woman yells out what and idiot. I said back to her (proving that I am an idiot by responding) that she is the one who is walking down the middle of traffic. REALLY THE IDIOT HERE IS THE BASTURD who cant park his car straight. He has an excuse though. It is a $50K Kompressor convertable and he has a handy capped sticker and golf clubs in the back seat. Something is wrong with that picture.So I want away from this life. I want away from the frustration that knowledge, and ambition have sorta created for me. I want away from this job that has escilated this to something that I can not tolerate.