Date: 2015-08-16
From: Stratton Motel and Hostel

To: Little Bigelow Lean-to
Miles today: 15.3
Weather: broken clouds

It was a gloomy morning at 5:30, when I rolled out of my tissue paper bed (I assume that it made that noise because of some mattress protector thing) and hobbled downstairs to the bathroom.Although my food bag was horrendously heavy, I was considering walking down the street to buy breakfast at the little shop attached to the gas station.But the mist kind of killed my motivation. Instead, I checked the hiker box on the kitchen table. Yayyyy! THERE WERE FANCY COOKIES. PEPPERIDGE FARM COOKIES. I have no idea what angel kept putting stuff in that box, but I also got a Lindt chocolate bar. Lindt! High blood sugar, here I come!At this point I was kind of starting to regret my sugary resupply choices. I am totally going to get sick. Or diabetes.So I had some cookies and pretzels for breakfast, my tummy feeling very displeased with this. I couldn't drink the hot cocoa I had made. It was too much. Too much sugar! Too many calories. I could feel that sugar swimming in my blood and really hoped that it would at least help me power over some mountains.Eventually I had to get back upstairs and pack up. I waited until the last minute to do so because I didn't want to wake up Apple Cider, who was sleeping across from me.She added me as a Facebook friend last night and I read her blog post. She had yellow blazed part of the trail, skipping ahead to Rangely with Tinkerbell and Roadrunner. I was wondering how she had caught up to me! I thought I was faster than her.I still would never yellow blaze. I also still don't hold it against anyone, UNLESS they skip huge sections and still claim it to be a thru-hike. Hike your own hike, right?Of course, I talk about being faster, but now I am slowing down. The mountains and my schedule are changing my ways.I am about to grab a shuttle back to the trail with Iso and Silent Force. I will be hiking up the Bigelows with a full pack. This is probably a terrible idea. I may cry. I will definitely crawl. But the mountains are almost over! The light at the end of the tunnel is in sight! When I reach it, I will be sad, though...Off I go!I almost had a panic attack last night when I realized I was also missing my guidebook pages by not having my mail drop. By some strange stroke of luck, though, I had put the pages up to Monson in the Andover box. Freaky. Somehow things keep working out...Nighttime update:Gandalf, who thru-hiked last year and has been section hiking, gave Iso, Silent Force, and I a ride back to the trail at 7, which was WONDERFUL. Getting a ride out of town can be tough, and I was happy to have an early start.I left the guys behind as I headed into my hike. I enjoyed a very nice, flat start. Wonderfully, And as I began to hike, it began to hit me like my food bag full of cookies.This is it. Five days to Monson, and then the Hundred Mile Wilderness, and then... the end!The end is coming. I am drawing nearer and nearer to Katahdin. Soon, my journey will end.It is exciting, but also sad. In the Whites, I had days where I just wanted to be done. I just wanted to go home. I was exhausted and dreaded the idea of having to climb all those mountains north of me.Remember how I was complaining about the mountains? I'm not the only one who has been feeling a little worn down. Over the internet, Magnus agreed with a sentiment I expressed: "Some days I just don't want to climb any more damn mountains." So many hikers just get tired, and frustrated as they make their way through.Those mountains were rough on me. They were beautiful, but they hurt. I hated them. I rushed through some, just wanting them to be over.But today, as I headed into the Bigelows, all I could think was, "THIS IS IT. THIS IS IT. THIS IS IT." And I actually DIDN'T want them to be over.These were some of the last mountains. After this, there aren't many big climbs before Katahdin. The elevation profile looks so flat for most of the rest of Maine.And even though I have been HATING having to climb some of these mountains, I keep thinking that soon, it's going to be boring. Okay, not BORING, but much less challenging, which is a little boring.So I have to enjoy the last mountains. Because I may never be here again. I may never be on that ridgeline, above treeline, the sun blazing down on me as I skitter along the ledge with my trusty poles.So you know what? I freaking SAVORED that climb. I cherished every moment of the hike today. It wasn't an easy one. The day was hot, and I spent it drenched in sweat. My muscles ached as I lifted my 90 lb backpackchild Gertrude. But all I could think was... This is it. And I loved that mountain. I loved the woods, the trees around me. I breathed that fresh air and that pine smell. I felt the sun on my skin as I climbed above treeline. And when I saw the next peak in front of me, my heart leapt instead of sinking.This is it. My last chance. My time to get everything I can from the trail, to breathe that air and view those views.I climbed up those peaks, and I climbed and climbed. Up South Horn, up Bigelow's west peak, and Avery peak (I took a picture for Aviary). One of my trekking poles got stuck between some rocks during that last ascent and I pitched forward, skinning my knees and banging my elbow. But I got back up. I DON'T EVEN HAVE MANY MORE FALLS LEFT. So sad!Yes, I know I am a weirdo to be sad about NOT falling. But that's part of the trail (a big part, for me).It was a long day. I saw a lot of toads (and little snakes lately, too). There were a lot of day hikers out, especially on top of Avery peak. I was going to stop there for lunch, but pressed on to avoid the crowd. Also, eating out of the sun meant less risk of melting cookies.Silent Force came up the trail as I was packing up after my sugary meal. Apparently he got accosted by questions at the summit. I was extra grateful I hadn't stopped there for long.The rest of the day was fairly easy, but still not fast. I stopped at a campground for water to make it the last five miles to the shelter, and guzzled it all down before I made it two more miles.A gentle ascent brought me to a beautiful view off of North Bigelow. I turned on my phone, hoping to catch some service on the exposed mountainside.And that's when The Plan fell apart. Alexa won't be hiking with me for my final summit. Admittedly, it was kind of a terrible plan. I am not surprised that it didn't work out. I mean, she has a wedding to attend. And she has to, you know, GET MARRIED. Kind of takes precedence over Katahdin.Still, I was sad.So I stopped a few minutes later and ate some cookies. I have decided that it was the AT Phenomenon that caused The Case of the Missing Mail Drop. It was fate that made me fill my food bag with cookies and marshmallow Fluff and chocolate chips.Why? Because the end is near. And that makes my inner Panda sad. Excited, but sad. And there aren't too many things better for consolation than cookies and chocolate. Seriously. I will have no shortage of calories this week.As I hiked on, I considered how to reformulate the plan. Phone calls need to be made. Plans have to be changed. Now I will summit before the wedding, instead of after. It is probably better off this way, and I know that. The sadness passed, but now there is more indecision and confusion! Ahhhhh!I hiked slowly to the shelter. When I approached, I heard the Aussies cry, "Is that Red Panda?!"One of the nice features about this shelter is "The Tubs", which are very nice pools along the stream which one can take a very nice bath in.I did so, and had a long talk with the Aussie Legs and Silent Force. They talked about hikers, about trail magic they received, and plans for the rest of the trail.I think I will be keeping with this bubble for a while. Maybe until Katahdin. This goes against my natural inclination to put on miles, but THIS IS IT. My last chance to enjoy the company of these friends. My last chance to enjoy all the trail can offer. Besides, I have to stick around in Maine for the wedding anyway.Everything works out somehow, right?I will say that my dinner of Pasta Sides sucked, though. I miss my mail drop dinners. I had extra cookies for dessert. Short days lie ahead, which means fewer calories will be needed. How am I going to resist eating all of these cookies, though?!The good thing is that even though the days will be short, they will be spent in good company.Although I do admit that I was starting to feel a bit of social overload as it grew later, and I wanted to journal but people were still talking (I can't multitask! It is so distracting!).Also someone is smoking IN the shelter. She asked if we minded if she smokes (Silent Force and Firebear are also inside) and no one protested. However, she didn't say that she would be continually lighting up two feet away.I should have tented! I had this conversation with the Aussie Legs upon my arrival... I always claim shelter space, tired after the hike... and then regret it.Okay, it's really not that bad. It is a beautiful night, and cool, and breezy, and I am so happy to be here in the open air.I am thankful for friends, both here and there. I am thankful for a new plan and for cookies. I am thankful, as always, that there are still miles ahead to travel.Also I am really thankful that I still haven't gotten sick!