Date: 2013-09-21
To: Summary
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: overcast clouds

Long entry time!Well, I didn't make it nearly as far as I hoped.I did get back on the trail for a few days after the last entries I have posted on here, and I may eventually get around to posting my journals from those days. In those days, I met some great people, still didn't see any moose, did see loads of days-from-ripe blueberries on Moxie Bald Mountain, and learned that there is such a thing as powdered peanut butter.Since coming home, I've had a lot of time to think things over. I learned a lot about myself in the short time I was on the trail- although I am generally awkward and self-conscious and even uncomfortable when around new people in my life here, I had the opposite experience on the trail. There's something about engaging in a difficult endeavor and having a common purpose that draws people together, and something about being exhausted and in a new environment that made me less self-conscious about every tiny thing (probably still awkward, but it doesn't matter!) My best times were when I had company, and I miss everyone I met, despite having met most of you for only a few days. I basically fell apart leaving Monson when I realized that I was alone, and would probably stay that way for a while (nobody knew of anyone hiking behind me that would catch up. The only other person headed out on the same day hiked easily twice my pace.)I went backpacking in Virginia on the AT and Iron mountain trail with my boyfriend in August, and on every good day I started planning a thru-hike again. In bad moments, I knew why I had gotten off the trail. What I need to do now is either find a way to not want to thru-hike anymore or learn from my mistakes, become stronger physically and mentally, and plan to do things better next time. So what did I do right?- I was well-prepared, gear-wise. I love love love love love my tent. It is amazing and feels like home. My stove is great- so glad I don't have to carry around those heavy canisters I saw! I had warm enough clothes and sleeping bag. AWOL's guidebook is great.- I kept a journal every night. I'm very glad I did this.- Bringing my ipod was a very good choice- listening to old podcasts helps me sleep, and music can be a huge mood boost. It even has a good enough battery that it didn't die until day eight of the hundred mile wilderness, and that was even after listening to it some at Baxter state park.- I used my enthusiasm for hiking the trail to push myself the first few days. It really, really hurt all over to move for a few days after Katahdin, but I was just so delighted with being alive and walking and seeing beautiful rivers and meeting people that I could push on. If only I could have kept that feeling!- I talked with everybody, even when I was tired and didn't really want to. This is where a lot of my positive memories come from. I learned that even just saying hi to someone in passing can lift my spirits if I'm down.Things I did wrong/regret/can improve on:- I already knew that I have great difficulty motivating myself to do things for my sake alone. It's why I sought out a job in which others would depend on me (or else I'd have trouble making myself go and do well and so on). It's why even though I haven't gotten a proper checkup in years, my dog gets one every year. And yet somehow I thought I'd be able to walk 2000+ miles on my own, simply because I wanted to? This will be the hardest thing to work on- it would help to have a really solid base of support. This summer, I didn't tell many people I was going, so I didn't have a ton of encouragement from friends. My parents focused less on "we'll be rooting for you!" and more on "if you get off the trail, try not to hate yourself too much" (thanks for the vote of confidence, guys). My job made it very clear that it would be appreciated if I came back early... and so on. I need to work on encouraging myself to do more things for my own sake. This won't necessarily be the only thing in my life that I'll really, truly want to do but which doesn't benefit anyone else.- Oh my gosh mosquitos. They love me. Those of you who met me, especially toward the end of the hundred mile wilderness, know what I mean. Even with 100% deet, they bit me to pieces, even through leggings, but not as badly with my raincoat on. I need to invest in rain pants.- I should have done more training beforehand. Katahdin took me 12 full hours (admittedly with some breaks behind rocks to wait for the wind to slow down a bit.) I was just not in good enough shape to both go a long distance that made me happy (sense of accomplishment, keeping up with friends) and a short enough distance that my body was happy with it. This would have gotten better with time, and already was, but I can't help but wonder if things would have gone differently if I'd been in just a little better shape.- Should I have gone Northbound? 30+ people at a shelter sounds miserable, but having more people around in general would have been really nice, so that when some dropped off the trail or spread out it wouldn't have been so lonely. Maybe just starting on a more-popular day would work? The 17th was a Monday- the 15th or 21 would probably have had more people, being weekends and either the middle of the month or the solstice. Or maybe I could start early NOBO, or early-ish in the middle of the week...?- I got sick of instant mashed potatoes after eating them for all of three days. I clearly need to pack more couscous and investigate other vegetarian instant foods. Half a packet of potatoes or less per meal may be acceptable.- When I was in Monson, I walked past Lakeshore House, headed back to Shaw's with a pizza from the gas station. Two of my friends were up on the balcony, and they asked if I'd seen what they'd written in the register. I said yes (they'd said hi in the one after they'd gotten ahead of me) and then hurried on to go eat my pizza out of the rain before it got cold and wet. When I got back on the trail after monson, I didn't see their names in any of the registers... Had they written in the last register before monson, which I didn't read because stopping for too long would have meant either changing clothes or hypothermia and I was only three miles from a shower? Did they get off trail? Ado and Blue Tick, if you're out there, write in the guestbook! I feel pretty stupid for not hanging out with you in favor of dry pizza and doing my laundry and not feeling weird going into Lakeshore house as a non-guest not eating their food. (I had just gotten into town maybe an hour before and was not thinking clearly in anticipation of pizza.)Things that were somewhere in the middle that I might just need to go backpacking to test out (oh no!):- I liked my hiking skirt because of its amazing pockets- I could fill one with snacks and one with random pocketknife/lighter/chapstick/whatever and have a bandana in the other one... But chafing was a problem because my thighs run into each other. I have an old pair of shorts that are long enough to solve that problem and don't cause any new ones, but they're just about worn out and I haven't been able to find any new ones that are comparable. I'll just have to keep looking.- I love my external frame pack, but it really is heavy (but no heavier than a Gregory pack, really...) I should look for a pack that is lighter, but still has all the things I like about it: lots of pockets, comfortable, sturdy. The pockets and comfort are the most important- I *guess* could learn to be gentle with my pack.- I could stand to lose some weight from my pack in general- without food or water, it was a little over 20 pounds. That's not bad, but if it were lighter it would be better... I'm not sure where there's a lot of room for improvement, though, as far as just removing things. I can definitely take out the gloves (but would I have wanted them in the whites?). Even sticking with my same pack, I can trim the ends off a couple of straps for sure.- As of Monson I have trekking poles, and they are wonderful. I should probably get the semi-jammed locking mechanism on that one of them looked at, even if I can get it to pretty much work just fine.It's one in the morning and I have work tomorrow, so I'll add more to this entry as I remember any other stuff I wanted to say. I hope that everyone I met who was still on the trail is still out there hiking now and loving it. Best of luck to you guys!