Date: 2011-02-08
To: Leaver
Miles today: 0.0

I got sent home early from work due to my sickness... this is starting to get annoying. I'm too awake and nervous to sleep so I'm hoping to get these thoughts out to put my mind at ease. I had hoped to hike this coming weekend, but have decided it's better for me to rest and maybe make one more trip to REI. There is enough planning to keep me busy so at least I'll be moving forward.On to my trail name...Growing up, I had a problem with 'the way things are'. I questioned (and tried to challenge) my mentors to provide acceptable answers when I saw I problem. When they failed, I looked to art to capture truth. Art in this case encompasses books, music, theatre, and dance; Walden, Gandhi, The Beatles, The Peaceful Warrior, and countless musicals. I became obsessed with finding an answer... THE answer. I would latch onto a philosophy, then discard it as a new one came along. All of them had theories that were unable to be proven or verified. I was too logical to embrace something unproven. I was still searching...In august I read a book by Daniel Quinn titled 'Ishmael'. He captured everything I have been searching for. Simply, the book outlines the world before and after the agricultural evolution. Most of our history books cover only the recent history of our species, after the agricultural revolution, which only documents the past few thousand years. What is not covered is the millions of years our species has existed before the revolution. This revolution split humans into two categories; Civilized and Uncivilized. Civilized humans are what we consider ourselves... while Uncivilized is where we group remote tribes in Africa (and other countries). Civilized humans use agriculture and build cities, while Uncivilized humans are still hunter-gatherers (which is how we survived those millions of years). Daniel Quinn didn't like using the terms Civilized and Uncivilized (because of the obvious prejudice). He coined the term 'Taker' to represent one who accepts civilization... and 'Leaver' for one who does not. This book opened my eyes to another world... a world outside anything I had ever known. There was another way to live?   Civilization isn't the reason for our existence, it's simply an invention we created? (I am oversimplifying these ideas... it took 300 pages for him to fully develop) I fully embraced this idea... and saw it THE answer I was looking for. I am human, a species who gained consciousness and found a way to manipulate nature to support larger numbers of ourselves. Once looked at as our greatest achievement, it is now seen as our downfall. Our eco system is THE answer... it is the reason for our existence. Without it, we would die. Without us, it would still live. This thought shattered my life. What do you do when you find out your life is a burden... not a blessing? I am speaking from a practical standpoint, an outsiders perspective of our eco system. I was lost... and still am. It's impossible to be content with the life I am living when I see it as part of the problem. I need to change directions... I need to be part of the solution again. While I don't know what that is yet, I am taking my time on the trail to find it.I adopted his term 'Leaver' to use as my trail name and shortened it to 'Levi'. It is a reminder of why I choose to hike, and what I am trying to become. My hope is that I will get the opportunity to explain my name to others... and shape this idea into something I can pursue. To be clear, I am not an activist. I am not looking to become a vegetarian again. I am not into politics. Though these are all helpful in changing the state of things... they are not enough for me. They are just branches... I am aiming for the root.