Date: 2008-08-02
From: North Woodstock, NH

To: North Woodstock, NH
Miles today: 0.0

Well, we were supposed to check out at 10:30 a.m., but realized we don¢t exactlyhave a plan of where to go next, so I went down to the office and asked Brad ifthe room was available for another 2 nites and it is, so we don¢t have to worryabout packing up. We have this uncanny ability to trash a room within minutes,so it was a relief we didn¢t have to deal with it in a rush.It was cereal and milk for breakfast and then a discussion of what to do withtoday, seeing we¢re both still feeling whacked out by suddenly being togetherand having no structure to our days. We met the people in the room next doorand they had this ADORABLE Pomeranian named Ranger who was a lover boy. He gotinto my lap and was just the sweetest little thing ever. My cat, Henry, isbigger than Ranger though!I felt pretty uptight today for some of the day. It took me a while to figureout why, but part of it is that I have to deal with some real life crap onMonday, and I don¢t want to. I don¢t want to even admit that real life iswaiting for me around the corner.We decided around lunchtime to go for a drive to the big town of Lincoln and tryto scope out a place that might have good steak salads, which is what I wascraving. We also wanted to find out if there¢s any kayaking trips to do aroundhere. We ended up at Gordi¢s Fish and Steakhouse. I was so freaking hungry asusual, so I got some potato skins and a big garden salad with steak added. I¢mcraving protein like crazy. Oh¢¦and then somehow I sort of also ordered a giantbrownie hot fudge sundae too. I was stuffed when we left.It was really cloudy and ominous looking today. We drove to a shopping centerand went into this really crappy outfitter, but they do offer 2 hr kayakingtrips, so we got the info on them. I think we¢re going on Monday when theprices are cheaper and it¢s not so crowded. I LOVE kayaking¢¦albeit, I¢ve onlydone it on these little rental trips, nothing serious.Then we went to an Antique store and ended up in tears with laughter. I pickedup these giant glass lenses, about 8¢ in diameter. Karen held the thing up toher face and I about fell on the floor laughing, because it magnified that partof her face only. How funny was it? Funny enough for me to go and get mycamera so we could take multiple pictures of this. You all will die laughingwhen you see these too. Wow did we both look hideous!!! We thought we¢d bekicked out of the place from laughing so hard, but luckily we weren¢t.We then ended back at the Cascade Coffeehouse so I could use Karen¢s computer toupload my pictures. This saves me from having to mail my memory card toPersistent. I upload them and she copies/pastes the captions in. Thecoffeehouse was supposed to be open till 7, but the weather got really bad andstormy and torrential downpours, so they closed early @ 6:30 which was a littlefrustrating for me because I needed internet access to upload my pics. Ifinally got them up.Bad storms again, lights flickering and we¢re under flash flood watch becauseit¢s rained 1-2 inches in a short period of time. So glad I¢m not up on anexposed ridge trying to negotiate slippery rock right now.We got back to the room and Karen sensed I was feeling crappy. I told you allthat I¢m already processing that this hike and journey is nearing its end. Itscares the shit out ofme honestly. As usual, I have NO idea what I¢m doing for income when I finish,and the process of looking for work is so trying and frustrating for me. I¢mso tired of getting some crappy mindless job for the sake of paying the bills,and yet, I find myself in that position time and time again despite knowing I¢mso qualified for so many types of jobs.Someone in by guestbook (Bruce I think) asked if I¢d elaborate about my pastcareers.   I¢ll do that probably tomorrow, but just know that I¢ve got analmost laughable resume because of all of the jobs I¢ve tried.I haven¢t been without the AT as something to focus upon for 3 yrs now. I justdon¢t know what life will feel like when it¢s over, but I know to expect sometough times. Even now, with multiple zero days, not knowing exactly when we¢reheading back out, and feeling the real world knocking at the door, it feelssuffocating to me. I thank God that Karen is here, because she¢s with me andso totally supportive of me through all of this, and I¢m not sure how I¢dnegotiate my way through this without someone I trust to lean on.I¢m afraid folks¢¦.afraid of the little surges of emotion and panic I feel fromtime to time when it really hits me that I¢m going to drive home¢¦away from thetrail¢¦.soon. I know I¢ve still got some of the toughest hiking ahead of me,but that¢s almost a relief to me to be honest. I can handle the thought of theend right now ONLY because I know I¢m not finished.Ironic¢¦it¢s often a love/hate relationship you develop with hiking the AT. Iknow only a few weeks ago I was saying I was so totally sick of hiking, lookingforward to going home. That¢s still true too, but having A.M. and V8 to hikewith, and Karen to come back to in town really takes that stressful edge off ofthe hike, and I feel so fortunate to have had things work out like this. I canactually expend energy on just enjoying it and having fun instead of expendingso much energy on dealing with the unknowns of daily hiking life.As always, I¢ll share what I¢m going through. Right now, I¢m just feeling a bitlost. I know I¢ll feel better once we get back out there on top of these mostincredible White mountains. Like I said earlier this year, summiting Mt.Katahdin is something I can both NOT wait for and yet could wait FOREVER toexperience. I can¢t have it both ways though. I know this.~Certain