Date: 2003-10-23
From: baldpate lean-to

To: gorham, nh
Miles today: 10.5
Weather: light snow

old speck mountain and her dirty lover, old man winter, beat the shit out of me today.the day started off nice enough. there were three inches of fresh snow on the ground when i woke up -covering everything in a soft and muffled blanket of white- and it was still snowing. i wasn't quite as sore as i'd thought i would be. the bruises were minimal.after a hot breakfast i hiked down to grafton notch where the AT crosses route 26. this is where the duties of the matc (maine appalachian trail club) end and those of the amc (appalachian mountain club) begin. i would like to take this opportunity to tip my hat to the matc for providing one of the most well-marked and well-maintained sections of trail that i have ever hiked on. although, i do have one word for the matc- bridges.i crossed the road at grafton notch and started the long climb up old speck mountain. the snow started coming down harder and started getting deeper. the trail climbed and climbed and kept climbing until i didn't think it could climb anymore. and, when i thought it couldn't climb anymore, it did- 2500 feet over 3 1/2 miles. at first, the climbing was easy enough, smooth and gradual, but eventually that all changed. i started getting up to the granite slabs of the mountain. rocks, roots, ice and snow made up the path that i was walking on.i started slipping and falling and slipping and falling, and it seemed like i couldn't walk ten feet without slipping and falling. the snow started coming down harder and my falls started becoming harder. the footing was sketchy at best. after 2 1/2 hours i finally reached the top of old speck mountain. i left the trees and was faced with exactly the same situation as yesterday- open slabs covered in snow and ice. luckily, the slabs didn't last nearly as long as the ones on baldpate mountain. but, unfortunately, i also had to deal with falling snow and fierce winds (20-30 mph) today. if i wasn't slipping on the ice, i was being blown to the ground. i couldn't win. i was getting my ass kicked. i stopped counting at forty the number of times that i fell. i got knocked down one time and let out a yell at the top of my lungs. i was pissed. anyone within five miles probably heard my yelling and screaming. i was on the verge of tears. i was cold and bruised and beaten and frustrated and sick of it. i was completely drained both mentally and physically. that's it. i quit. i couldn't take it anymore. i was done. the hike was over as far as i was concerned.i was finally able to fight my way down into the trees and make my way to the speck pond shelter. it took me over three hours to hike 4 1/2 miles. i thought about just collapsing in the snow-filled shelter and calling it a day. but, that would mean that i would still be on this bitch of a mountain. i looked at my map and saw that there was a side trail leading 3 1/2 miles down to a road. i knew nothing about this road. i didn't know if it was paved or gravel or even accesible by car. i didn't know if there would be any traffic on the road. i did know that the road was not the AT and was not the mountain and that if i walked on it long enough, it would eventually lead to civilization and would be my ticket home. after what seemed like hours i finally stumbled out onto a gravel road. there were tire tracks in the snow, so that gave me hope. hopefully, if a vehicle had been on this road earlier, then one would come by again. i started walking down the road towards civilization and not 30 seconds after stepping from the woods i heard a truck coming up behind me. i stuck out my thumb and the truck stopped.i threw my pack into the back and climbed into the cab with wayne and frank- two bird hunters. they asked what in the world i was doing out in this nasty weather and where i was headed. i told them about how i'd been hiking the appalachian trail and how i'd just gotten the crap beat out of me and how now all i wanted was a warm room and a hot shower. they said they were driving right through gorham if i wanted a ride there. i said that would be great.frank and wayne dropped me off at a motel in gorham. i could have stayed at one of the two hostels, but not tonight. tonight i needed more than a hostel had to offer. i needed a hot bath to rest my aching body (i can't remember the last time i took a bath) and i needed a warm bed and i needed a phone. i guess a little mindless tv wouldn't hurt either. i walked down to the post office and picked up my box containing all of my winter gear (not that i would be needing it anymore since i was done with this hking business). i received a letter from my friend, girl next door, and it really brightened my spirits.i walked back to the motel and checked into a room (thanks to my mom for footing the bill- like i could ever afford to stay in a motel) and started drawing water for a bath. i opened the box containing all of my winter gear. inside it were snowshoes, crampons, warm clothes, food, and film. this is all stuff i probably could have used the past couple of days.i made a cup of hot chocolate and ate some snacks (the hiker appetite has started to kick in and i am almost always hungry these days). after soaking in the bath for almost an hour i called my family and told them about the past couple of days. i also told them of the decision i'd made while i was soaking- i was no longer going to quit hiking. instead, i was going to find a way to get farther south where the temperatures were still warm and the weather wasn't quite so fierce.i don't know that i am physically or mentally prepared for the white mountains right now. i don't want to have another day like today. i don't want to quit hiking.tomorrow is a new day. tomorrow will be a good day.