Date: 2015-08-11
From: The Cabin, Andover

To: The Cabin, Andover
Miles today: 0.0

MULTIPLE CHOICE TIME!What does a Red Panda do on a rainy day?a) Eat some waffles and cry up a mountain.b) Sweep the floor.c) Enjoy extra snacks.d) Accidentally melt her toilet paper bag while cooking dinner.The answer is...Okay, you know by now that these are always trick questions. I didn't hike today.I woke up tired as always. And I double-checked the weather (100% chance of rain). And I double-checked the mileage to Katahdin.And I checked my Facebook messages, and my email, and my text messages.Then I went upstairs to see Bear. "I just checked the forecast-" I started."Are you going to be staying with us?" He asked.And I said yes.And he said, "If you're going to stay, your bunk is free. And you can eat leftovers. You'll get by."And I almost cried. and he could tell. He got up and gave me a hug as I thanked him. And he gave me another hug, too.They only ask $20 for a bunk for the night. Although I am quickly depleting my budget. I can still afford $20. It will be an expensive nero-zero when I add two nights, meals, and the cost of a shuttle back to the trail together. But I will be getting much more than my money's worth.One thing that will be sad when leaving the trail is that I will also be leaving all of these amazing people behind. Honey and Bear are getting on in years. It's not as easy for them to keep up with the work of running the hostel, and it's clear that they are cutting back. However, all of the bunkroom beds are made up with clean sheets, the blankets nearly tucked under with clean folds. Honey cooks a fresh new breakfast and dinner for hikers who aren't as cheap as I am.People are amazing.This morning, I went back to the bunkroom and crawled back into bed. Sleeping late is a rare treat. I won't say that I didn't thoroughly enjoy snuggling up on an old piece of foam in a basement under a blanket touched by probably a hundred dirty hikers. It was bliss.I think that it was a good day to take a mental health day, anyway. Hiking in the rain isn't fun.Also, my sister got married today. Taiki filed the paperwork. Rather than having to worry about making enough money to properly renew her current visa, Candace can now have a spousal visa. I don't know how I feel about this. I just hope that someday she will come home, and we can celebrate, with a party and cake and hugs.My twin sister is married. My other sister is almost finished moving into her new house.And I am in a hostel in Maine, continuing to put off real life and decide what the next step should be. As Agent Scully said, "The answers are there, you just need to know where to look."I am getting closer to finding them.ANYWAY, I feel okay with taking ANOTHER zero. Right after a puny nero. I am avoiding the rain and thinking about the state of my life and missing my family. I am barely a hiker anymore. Lazy, lazy, lazy is my new life. Lazy and gluttonous.Eventually, I dragged myself out of bed to face the gloomy day. I headed back upstairs again, and had leftover waffles for breakfast, and some cantaloupe. I always have too much food to eat! I am not good at saying no.As I cleaned up my dishes, Honey and Bear asked about the state of the hostel. Was there anything that needed doing?Although I will pay them for my bunk, despite their offer to let me stay for free, I told them that I would clean up a little. What the heck else am I supposed to do all day?!I am becoming a master at working for stay (another skill to add to my resume along with two-thumb phone typing, snot-rocketing, and not dying in the Whites).I headed downstairs. I wiped the counters and scrubbed the toilet. I ate some more old waffles. I really love waffles. Faye and I used to have waffles together all the time. Did I mention that these waffles were shaped like barns, chickens, and cows? Triple awesome. I swept the floor and sprayed the shower. I did a load of laundry, mopped and vacuumed. I folded towels and put them away. I enjoyed wearing oversized loaner clothes (cotton!) like a careless old crazy cat lady as I progressed through my chores.I am not sure when the hostel was last cleaned... but it was pretty dirty. Hikers are dirty people. Sometimes I feel like I am made of dirt. At the end of every day, I have mud caked onto my legs. 20 years of hikers traipsing through a place adds up. The hostel is comfortable and cozy and wonderful, but I think it benefited from a sweep.Don, Honey's son, lives in a room in the basement attached to the hostel, and came to chat a little while I cleaned. I don't think he gets along with Bear too well. Once again, I am grateful to have good relationships with mom's boyfriend and dad's girlfriend. Even when I was living with mom and Dan, obsessing over the AT and bawling like a basket case over the strange state of my post-Korea life, they were both so patient with me.I ate a leftover hamburger and Oreos for lunch. Cold, leftover hamburger is not the greatest meal. Maybe that's why they were so insistent that i take the leftovers... too gross for normal people to eat. However, I enjoyed it well enough. I wouldn't let it go to waste!Maybe they will let me have some more Moose Tracks ice cream for dinner (I want to see a moose!). It's a good thing that Stratton isn't too far away... I will need an ATM and more funds to fuel me north soon! Also maybe pizza.It is still early in the day. I am so glad that I am inside watching the X-Files instead of climbing a mountain in the rain. I WILL BE LAZY IF I WANT TO BE. Katahdin will still be there. Besides, I can still get there in plenty if time without jeopardizing The Plan.I might even take a nap. Why not enjoy the laziness?! I may never have the chance to be so free ever again in my life (I will try not to let that happen, though). I can snuggle up with my book and just... let it happen. I am in no rush to grow up.Time to answer emails and enjoy more Netflix before delving back into my book!Update: more hikers arrived! They did not seem very interested in The X-Files so I went off to sequester myself in the bunkroom. And by that I mean lay in bed and eat snacks. Did I mention that I had a bowl of ice cream, too? Yikes. Also, yum.Post-update update: After a long dinner that I didn't want to participate in, and a lot of conversation that I wasn't interested in, I am feeling very burnt out.Bear, trying to be kind, practically force fed me more food, though I wanted to lighten my own food bag. My tummy is aching (and I am frustrated... but how do you say no to a kind old man who will NOT take no for an answer?) and my social interaction limits have been reached.At the same time, I am feeling very lonely. The other hikers here are very nice, but they aren't my friends. I don't know if it is the age gap, but I find it harder to engage with them. I miss my friends.I was eager for a lazy day this morning, but now I am beyond anxious to get back on the trail. My heart could use a healing hike. All good things must come to an end, right? Time to find the next good thing and begin enjoying that.Now I am going to check my guidebook. And check some more. I am going to look at those miles and look at those mountains and imagine climbing them. And maybe, just maybe, in my dreams, I'll be on Katahdin again, sucking in that cold air and throwing my poles over my head in triumph. Katahdin may be a goal for this journey, but it's not the only one. And there's quite a long list of more goals waiting. I'll get there.I am thankful for the kindness of Honey and Bear, and to be in out of the rain. I am thankful that I have a chance to hike off some of these gazillion ice cream calories. BRING ON THE NEXT MOUNTAIN, PLEASE.