Date: 2006-03-02
To: from the Beer Poet
Miles today: 0.0

Found this tonight on Whiteblaze.net. Attributed to the Beer Poet. Makes ya wanna rush out there!What to say when someone asks, "What's the Appalachian Trail like? Do you think I'll like it?" Well if you like being hungry all the time and you don't mind being soaked when its raining or being soaked with sweat when its not raining, and you enjoy having crotch rot and jock itch and battered feet black and blue until you walk like you have broken feet and you're hip with the idea of being completely filthy and you like the smell of your own stench and body odor, and you like the smell of other peoples **** and urine. Do you enjoy beating your ankles and knees daily? Are you thrilled by being eaten alive by mosquitoes, black flies, and ticks, or do you find bee stings and rattlesnakes just simply enthralling? Then you might be ready to face the fourteen days of nothing but rain and the shelters with mice that eat the earplugs right out of your ears so you can hear the dumb-ass weekender snore even louder. Do you love carrying a ton of weight on your back until your hips are deformed and raw and your backbone feels like a chainsaw blade burnt into the muscles between your shoulders? Then you might consider the temporary life of nothing but oatmeal and noodles day after day, after day, after day, after day, while being surrounded by eccentric weirdoes who can talk about nothing but miles, miles, miles, miles, miles, miles, miles. Do you enjoy the simplicity of counting each step as it feels like jolt after jolt of electricity into the soles of your feet? And if you really like being looked at like you are some escaped convict, maniac, transient by all the 'clean people' then you might not mind wearing clothes that are so filthy and caked with dirt and mud that your socks and shorts can not only stand by themselves but actually move. Do you like to watch the skin of your feet peel off like a daily shedding snake? Are you thrilled by the sight of your own blood and mucus? And do you like to freeze one day then burn up the next or enjoy falling face first into briars? If you don't like sleep or rest of any kind then you might not mind the seventy percent markup of your twelve-thousandth can of tuna at some rip-off convenient store that is a six-mile walk down a busy street from the trail. Are you just tickled pink by finding out that you just walked two miles down the wrong trail or in the wrong direction? Would you enjoy climbing up to overlook after overlook to have a wonderful view of nothing but the cloud that you're standing in? If you are addicted to poison ivy and any other unknown rashes, you might like to enjoy excruciating pain in body parts that you never knew you had. Maybe you like to be lied to by maps and bull**** signs and markers, or enjoy being attacked by 'problem' bears, or maybe you like falling on sharp rocks while struggling across loose ankle busters. Would you find that chaffing is a wonderful way of reminding yourself that you still have balls even though they feel like they are only attached by a single string of torn skin, or you find that sucking gnats into your lungs is simply a good 'gag' or find that a million spider webs across your face is simply a neat invisible mask to you? If you love and enjoy worrying whether the water you are drinking is going to make you **** goose diarrhea all over yourself or if you really, really, really worship the idea of having time to do nothing but walk over the worst terrain in America then, YES!, I do say that you will really enjoy the Appalachian Trail. The Beer Poet (A.T. class of 2001)Sign me up!