Date: 2011-07-21
From: Sunfish Pond

To: View Entry
Miles today: 0.0

It's difficult for me to fill in the gaps of my trip, but I'll try to summarize best I can with one long entry.The heat wave hit the day after Sunfish Pond. 90-100 degree temperatures for three days. I managed 18 miles the day after Sunfish. Saw three bears and one very large rattle snake which Achilles tried to provoke. Luckily he didn't succeed. I drank 15 liters of water and could barely move by the time I made it to the shelter. Every movement took effort and I had to prop myself up in the shelter to cook dinner. I had taken 2400 milligrams of Ibuprofen to keep the pain in my shin down. Of course this backfired on me and my body rejected the medicine. My system couldn't process the medication anymore so instead of making my shin less painful, it made my entire body fatigued. Next day it took me two hours to walk the three and a half miles to the next road crossing. After some time spent in Gyp's Tavern, I secured a ride off the trail to a friend of the families house. I was fortunate to have a place to recover and escape the heat. I spent three relaxing days there, resupplied, and visited an Eastern Mountain Sports in search of fixing my stove (which ended up not being broken in the first place). While at EMS, I fooled a few customers into thinking I worked there by offering them useful advice on outdoor gear... at least I know I have a future career.I spent three more days at a friends house from high school that now lives in northern Jersey. She and her fiancee are in preparations for their wedding next month, which was a completely new world to me. I never thought I'd find so much enjoyment in tying bows on all the party favors.So after six days off, I was physically doing better. Mentally I had been suffering for much longer than my shin had been hurting. My dad came to pick me up and bring me home. I was pretty certain I was done with my journey, but was unhappy with the way I existed the trail. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to the trail and all the people I shared it with. After an hour of being home, I packed my car and drove back up to the trail to find my friends. The next couple of days I shuttled countless new and old friends, got some little hiking days in, and made it a point to enjoy every minute of it. My enjoyment was no longer in the trail, though hiking in small amounts was very pleasant, instead it was found in the people I shared the experience with. They are what I am going to miss. I wish I could have stayed there next to them and summited the final mountain with them, but it was no longer in me to complete the trail. I think I can say I've found what I was looking for when I started this hike. I had taken this journey in order to escape from the world I had created for myself. Obviously I was unhappy with my life when I had begun and I had made it my goal to find what answers the trail could give me. I don't think I can voice all that I learned, but I'll try to explain what I can in hopes that you may experience something similar but unique.Above all, I've learned that I alone am responsible for my mental attitude. I make my own happiness, my own sadness, my own emotions and thoughts. I have a choice every day to view it as I choose, and it is not reliant on what someone else may think. Every day I can find the same peace in strolling through miles of green trees and blue skies as I can in driving to work, cleaning my room, or cooking dinner. All these things can be treated with the same enjoyment if you are willing to do so. I alone am responsible for finding contentment in all that I do. Also, I discovered the feeling of accomplishment and self motivation... something that I believed I lacked. It could arguably be said that I still lack motivation and accomplishment because I did not finish the trip, to which I will say I have not finished the trail 'yet'. I will be finishing this hike at a later date when I find it necessary or enjoyable to complete what I have started. That said, I have taken these past few days at home to set short and long term goals in my head and work daily at accomplishing them. I am moving forward. Stagnation caused a rotting in me that took many weeks and miles to shake off. This trip was a chance for me to remove myself from the life I had created, and to rebuild. The success of that plan never hinged on the completion of the trail. When the weight of the life waiting for me at home was heavier than the freedom the trail offered, my thoughts were only for home. I love the trail, and though I was still out hiking, I was failing to experience it. My thoughts weren't there on the trail, they were back at home planning a future, so I followed my thoughts and returned home. Maybe I'll find I am not as mentally strong as I should have been. Maybe I'll find a way to think more towards the future of things instead of living in the present. It seems that many others I have hiked with have a strong belief in the destination, and I have no doubt they will accomplish their goal of thru hiking the Appalachian Trail. But know that I have also reached my goal. I have come back to participate fully in the culture I was so willing to leave behind. So this is where I leave my final thoughts on the hike, but really, it was never about hiking.