Date: 2019-03-31
From: Unicoi Gap/Helen

To: Steeltrap Gap
Miles today: 7.4

Ugh today sucked. It was a bad day. I know they happen and I¢m getting through it, but I have to acknowledge that it sucked. I ate breakfast and packed up in Helen. I put my pack on and it was considerably heavier. I knew that would happen, so I was okay with that. I was happy to have food and supplies. I met up with Willow and I hitch-hiked for the first time on the AT! I got a ride within 5 minutes of putting my thumb out. The guy¢s name was Ryan and he had a cowboy hat on and a truck. There were about five other trucks/jeeps with him and they were all going off-roading. He was super nice and drove us back to Unicoi Gap, chatting about his weight-loss journey and the AT. The whole clan of trucks parked at Unicoi and we got out and started hiking. It was so rough getting back on the trail after a day in civilization, and the added weight made it harder. I felt so sluggish the whole first half of the day. And the worst part was that it was cold. Today was so cold and so windy. The wind was blowing on me all day and it was relentless. It was even harder to walk through the trail with the wind like that. I kept hiking for a while despite feeling sluggish and cold, and I finally climbed Tray Mountain, which is beautiful, but maybe more so on a warm day. There was a shelter on top of the mountain, and I originally planned on staying there, but the wind and cold would have surely done me over. I did debate it for a while with another man, Doug, who arrived, but he decided to bail. So did a couple from Maine who arrived as well. I headed down the mountain in search of a campsite or warmth. I was so mentally done. One day out had just thrown me off completely. My body felt fine other than being cold. I was not sore. But mentally I was losing it. I started to cry on the way down because I was so cold and it just hurt. I felt hopeless because the next shelter was 10 miles away and the next campsite was 4 and it was getting dark. I wanted to find people so I could find a fire and warmth and comfort, but I had no idea where everyone would be. I thought they would all be at Tray Mountain shelter, but it was deserted when I finally decided to bail. I kept walking and thankfully that warmed me up, but every time I stopped to look for a potential campsite, I got cold again. Finally I came upon a pack of tents and a bunch of people! And a fire! It was wonderful. I set up my tent while I was still warm from walking and I made dinner by the fire. It was still so cold, but that made it better. I had also changed into my sleep clothes and put all my layers on. The final straw to make the day suck happened with bear bagging. Some guys offered to have me put my bag with their¢s, which was very nice. It was all too heavy and snapped their rope. I felt bad, although it wasn¢t just my bag. There were four on there. I offered them my rope, and went and got it. One guy threw my rope over and it managed to get completely stuck. I now have no rope, which is actually a problem because I can¢t hang my bag. And I may find people in the next few days who can help, but if I don¢t I¢m screwed. I don¢t want to sleep with my bag and I don¢t want to leave it out. I don¢t know what to do. I know the guy was just trying his best to help and make it work, but now I have no rope, and I just resupplied yesterday. Everyone else is going into Hiawassee tomorrow, so they made it sound like ¢no big deal¢. If I go into Hiawassee, I¢ll have another day off the trail and another mental adjustment, but also I¢ll be behind a day in my scheduling. I do actually have to crush some mileage because I didn¢t go where I expected to today and I am meeting my parents in a couple of weeks, so I need to make sure it all works out. I¢m definitely not going into town with the guys, but I¢m pretty annoyed about what happened. It was such a rough day mentally and it was so cold, and now this. I am sorry for the negativity to anyone reading my blog. I really do want to give the realistic picture of what I¢m going through. And some days it¢s just going to suck. Mentally, physically, supplies/gear, something will be off. I definitely expected challenges, but overcoming them is still a battle. Feeling like I would be camping alone and freezing tonight was such a panic for me. Even though I eventually found people, I had no idea I would, so my mindset was deep into survival/loneliness mode. I felt proud of myself for making a decision to get off that mountain; sitting there wouldn¢t fix anything. But I am still annoyed at the turn of events. I am pushing myself emotionally and mentally on this trail more than anything. My body will be fine. But my head just needs to be there too. I am okay with crying to let it all out because I want to accept that I¢m feeling shitty and push through it. I need to allow myself to cry and feel that way because it¢s how I¢m feeling, but I do need to let the practical side step in to get me where I need to be. Ugh it¢s been a day. I love this trail so much, but I am still battling a lot of my own demons and mother nature¢s cold touch. I hope everyone is well back home; again I appreciate the support! I am currently cold in my sleeping bag, but it has been worse (last week with no pad and the rain). I think I¢ll be able to sleep, but we¢ll see. Praying for a better tomorrow. It is Sunday so I hope God is with me. Maybe he can¢t send bear rope to me out of thin air, but some kind of comfort would be good. My dad said they prayed for me at church today. Thank you to all those praying for me. Much love!Song of the day: ¢Take Me Home¢ by Phil Collins. Thankfully my classic rock/throwbacks playlist finally downloaded last night, so I got to listen to this jam this morning, just as I was wanting to go home haha. Diana/Giggles/Rudolph/Soggy Oatmeal/Puffy... a new one, ¢Little Debbie¢ was added today. I took a bunch of cinnamon buns from the continental breakfast at my hotel and shared them with everyone at my campsite.