Date: 2012-04-10
From: Springer Mountain Visitor Center

To: Winding Stair Gap - Franklin, North Carolina
Miles today: 109.8
Weather: scattered clouds

So, I¢m home. At least for now, the Appalachian Trail is done for me. To set the stage for this reflection, I¢ll start by letting you know that I broke the outer metatarsal bone in my left foot. It happened six miles into a sixteen mile day after an intense hand-over-hand climb up Albert Mountain in North Carolina. I knew I was in pain (really, who isn¢t in pain attempting a thru-hike of the AT?), but not until a hitchhike to an Urgent Care facility did I know just how bad it was. With tears in my eyes, I texted my girlfriend with the news that I was coming home. And in that moment, the finality of my injury hit me with its full force. The thoughts that swirl around in one¢s head after a longtime dream is shattered can be overwhelming. Where will I live? Where will I work? What do my life relationships look like in April that weren¢t supposed to be where they¢re at until October? What kind of person will I become now that my world has been turned upside down? And maybe the most life-challenging question of all, what does all of this do to my psyche and well-being?To say that I¢m immensely and utterly disappointed would be a massive understatement. But to say I¢m not happy to be home wouldn¢t be entirely accurate. Being alone in the woods for two weeks has a peculiar way of stripping away all the bullshit of life and leaving one¢s brain with nothing but pure honesty. I had the rare opportunity very few get to be completely quiet and figure out what¢s important in life. For me, the realization of just how much I love my friends and family and how much I missed them (and was going to miss them over the six months I was on the trail) almost wrecked my trip a week before my foot ever did. With the love and support of two dear people back home, I refocused my drive and hit the AT refreshed in mind and body. But that mental breakdown revealed to me how much the social isolation of the trail wasn¢t what I had thought it would be. If I hadn¢t broken my foot or otherwise been physically hurt, I have no doubt I would have finished my thru-hike. But now that I¢m home, I¢m not sure I¢ll again try for a solo thru-hike. I need people; I need companionship. I would love to complete the trail, but I now see I don¢t want to do that by myself, or if it must be attempted by myself, then not all at once. I discovered quickly that, at least for me, being with people will always be better than being alone. So where does that leave me now? What is my mark on the Appalachian Trail and what is its mark on me? First, Georgia can go on in its own existence, but I have no desire to go back there. On the other hand, I fell in love with North Carolina¢¦ the state and the AT in that state. It was soothing while difficult and beautiful while rugged. If I could hike forever only on the trail in North Carolina I would die a happy man. It was everything I¢d envisioned and more. Second, I will forever remember the guys I spent my last three days on the trail with. The Yodeler, Yukon, Animal, and Baby Scrooge, you guys are awesome. For me, the four of you are what the AT is about: friendship, fun, excitement, craziness, accomplishment, and everything in between. I wish you the best of luck and many blessings as you hike north. Lastly, the AT left in me and on me a desire to be honest above all. Many times in my adult life I¢ve been accused of being, ¢too¢ nice, ¢too¢ accommodating, and ¢too¢ friendly. While none of those sound bad, the insinuation was that I wasn¢t being myself and maybe even that I was a pushover. In this new-found honesty, I can¢t deny those statements. Even though living a life of honesty can sometimes be labeled with nasty sounding words like, ¢brutal¢ and, ¢blunt¢ and ¢harsh,¢ I have to start living for myself and for what I want out of the years I have left. If I lose friends who don¢t like the real Sam, I have to think the ones that stick will mean even more and will be all the better for it. I want to take a moment and share my utmost gratitude and thanks to all the people that held me up before, during, and after my hike. The planning and implementation of supporting another person¢s dream is love at its finest. I was encouraged, cried for, prayed over, sang to, and sent off by some of the best people in the entire world, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. My relationship and interaction with the Appalachian Trail could not have turned out differently than I had anticipated. And yet it has changed my life in more ways than I could have hoped. Love, honesty, and an appreciation for what matters will be its permanent tattoo on my heart, mind, and soul. I had the rare opportunity to chase a dream, and for that I am a better person. No one can take that away from me.