Date: 2007-05-17
To: 5 Days
Miles today: 0.0

So here it is 5 days before I leave. By the way this is a long one. I¢m excited and scared at the same time. I¢m a very emotional person (Thanks MOM for that Gene). It feels just like Christmas night. I just can¢t get it off my mind, and how much I want to know what is going to be there when I get to see the gift (start the trip). I can¢t sleep because of the anticipation and all. But most of all, I¢m excited about the change it will bring. Why would I be scared? Failure!!!! Not that I think I can¢t do it, but what if something happens to pull me off the trail. I know I¢m mentally able to finish, I know that no matter how much I am physically prepared, nothing can prepare you but the trail itself, I know that I have enough money and support to make it, and I know that I NEED THIS to bring me closer to GOD. The only thing at this point that scares me is hurting myself and not being able to finish, this I can¢t control, and not being in control of something is a problem for me. I have many things I want to accomplish on this trip, to change about myself, to come back closer to GOD and a new/better person. I¢ve heard what some say, read the threads on WB and TP about how I¢ll be the same person when I get back, but you see I know something you don¢t. What is it you say? I¢ve been Promised that If I ask it, and believe, Then I shall Receive. (Matthew 7:7, Mark 11:24).Ok, let me explain something before I go on. You¢re thinking¢¦.OHHH MY god¢¦.another ¢JESUS¢ freak. Yes and No to answer your thought. I am a Christian, and pray for a life changing experience on this trip, but it is not my goal to preach or pressure people or talk about my belief on the trip (except in my on mind). And because a journal is like being in ones mind, then you are reading my thoughts and I¢m not preaching to you¢¦See how I just cleverly did that. ?. I hope you read all of this and take it all in. I was raised, United Pentecostal, and stayed in even when my family got out. I graduated from a Pentecostal school, and until I graduated I attended regularly (7 nights a week.) Really¢¦ask my family. Lol¢¦ Well anyway without going through my life story I was dealing with a personal issue I had with the ¢CHURCH¢ and myself. So I left. I changed Churches, and have learned more about God¢s mercy and love then I ever did growing up. The main focus for every church I went to when I was young (I went with friends to their churches sometimes) be it Baptist, Assembly of God, Catholic, etc., was HELL. This is all the ¢CHURCH¢ focused on. Hell, Hell, Hell¢¦I really don¢t remember ever hearing about God¢s love for us. If I did hear about LOVE it went like this. ¢God loves you so much. He wants to share his kingdom with you, but if you sin? Your going to HELL¢. Not really love, just fear to love, and I didn¢t like going through HELL to get to love. Now I know God loves me, and I still have that feeling of being called I had when I was young. Yes I did say Called as in spreading the word. Here lies the other problem. I really never learned the Bible in whole. I learned The first couple of books in the Old Testaments, and Certain key scriptures in the New, like ¢women should not cut their hair¢ (I didn¢t say it was right, just that I learned this, so don¢t get all mad ladies.), and ohhh yeah..HELL. So here I am a 32 year old guy, who just got a Masters in Business, who doesn¢t know what to do with his life, and has way to many emotions going on in his heart, mind, soul (thanks again MOM) for one person to have, who loves Christ but except for what I know in my heart I don¢t know his word, so I¢ll read it all the way through on the trail. Oh yeah who feels called¢¦ I want talk about my faith on the trail, unless asked, or it¢s already going on, so you¢re all safe. I¢ve come to cherish how ¢A personal relationship with God¢ should be that¢¦personal unless otherwise invited. Be it that there are many ways to Interpret ¢invited¢¢¦.hehehe¢¦just playing. Did You know I¢m from the south? Mississippi. The Bible Belt. Its crazy here sometimes. I still can¢t get over how when I go to the church I was raised in, they still feel the need to ¢Pray me through¢ like I¢m not saved because I don¢t go there anymore. Needless to say, I plan on working through a lot of emotions on this trip. God, Faith, etc. I also have some personal issues I want to work through also. Like getting over an ex who dumped me because of this trip, and well¢¦I¢ll talk about others later. I care too much about what others think of me. I dwell on the things I can¢t control. I expect things of people and when they don¢t follow through, I get upset¢¦.and dwell on it. As you can see I did get the Emotional Gene from my MOTHER. I don¢t mind being emotional. I just need to learn to control it. All of these things and more are what well change about me when I get through with this journey. I look forward to it. I embrace it. I am looking for what Oprah calls the ¢AHH Haa¢ moment. That moment when you realize all things are possible through Christ Who Strengthens ME. Well if I write everything now, you¢ll have nothing to learn later. SO as I always say at the end¢¦¢¦¢¦..LATER>>>>>>>>