Date: 2013-05-03
From: Damascus

To: Damascus (again)
Miles today: 0.0
Weather: clear sky

For those of you who have been following me, it's really me this time. Many, many thanks to my dad Scott who has been faithfully keeping up this blog. The reason you don't hear from me so often is that usually by the time I get to town, updating the blog ends up being last on the list. For those who don't know the process this is usually how it goes. 1. Hike into town triumphantly.2. Establish/confirm where you are staying in town. 3. Immediately find a restaurant to celebrate in. 4. Shower. 5. Laundry (sometimes laundry first and then shower depending)6. Pick up mail drops/ resupply7. Make phone calls (sometimes while doing laundry, or shopping)8. Eat some more 9. Pack10. SleepYou are so busy in town that it can be difficult to get to a computer and bang out a solid blog update. However, under the circumstances of my foot, I have a lot of time on my hands today. I want to first take the time to say that I am so overwhelmed at the fact that people out in the world are reading my story. I don't regard myself as anything extraordinary or special, so the idea that I've had so many views confounds me. I'm just a crazy person following a crazy dream. I guess that's enough. I must say that I could really use all of your support now though. I feel like I've let everybody down. I feel like this injury has lessened me as a hiker. I know that I've been walking the same miles as everyone else but I feel so separate now. Last night I had dinner with all of my hiker friends who got to boast about how they hiked 26 miles to get into town that night. I hiked 5 and got in a boot. I haven't even officially hiked into Damascus yet. I do have a slack-pack arranged for Sunday morning. (A slack-pack is when you hike miles without all your weight). The person who gave me an emergency shuttle is called "Lone Wolf". I didn't realize it at the time but he is a trail-legend; and I am lucky enough to get help from him and his girlfriend. But even with the slack-pack arranged, and the knowledge that my mileage will be made up, I feel sub-par. I want to be able to boast that I did what the others called a "Damascathon". I want to be able to feel like a hiker again. But I just feel like a failure. I feel like I was weak. If I had just bounced my extra weight forward from Hampton I could have avoided all of this. Instead I was stubborn and I'm going to have to wait. Everyone gives me these looks of pity. It kills me. I miss the looks I get in town when I'm wearing a full pack, I'm dirty and sweaty, and they do a double-take. I am a proud hiker. But looks of pity, "oh you poor thing" looks. Not fun. Everyone is going to leave and I don't think I'll catch up to them again. I'm going to miss my boys. Blimey and Peaches are like brothers to me now and have been with me since practically day 1. There are so many others that I've been hiking with who are all family to me. I already feel separate and alone. Getting into Damascus is a huge hiker milestone and I haven't even completed that yet. I am in town and I don't deserve it. So, if you can't already tell, I've been down on myself today. I really do try and stay positive, but it's been hard today. I know that even my worst day on the trail is better than some of the best days I've had in the "real world", and I'm forever grateful that I'm out here in the first place. The Trail is a blessing, it's my home and I love it so much. But when things like this happen, the ugly thoughts creep in and make you question what you love. I know the Trail will be there when I'm ready to hike again, but I wish I could keep the people with me. I'm a selfish person and I need them. I feel so alone. Hopefully this dark mood will pass and I'll be as happy as I usually am. But I'm afraid for now my dear readers, I am moping. Any words of kindness would be a great help to me. I really do appreciate whoever takes the time to read about me. I'll bounce back though. I promise. There are still so many miles to go.