Date: 2004-01-24
To: Parental voices
Miles today: 0.0

It seems like time is moving faster... speed is increasing as my launch date gets closer. I haven't been doing much in the way of backpacking or sleeping out (waaaay toooo cold), but have been busy with work and moving out of my apartment. Last week I sold my motorcycle on eBay. I really had reservations about setting up an account and expanding my Paypal to accept payments. There was a big chunk of unknown there.... not the computery/website stuff, I'm a geek, through and through. What was getting me were all the little voices of worry about not being able to sell the bike before I hit the trail, having to turn eBay-ers away because I was not going to ship it... anywhere (you want it, you pick it up), and risking having to deal with a psychotic person buying my bike. None of this stuff came true, things worked really well, and I actually did ship it (with the help of my friend Bob) to Meridan, CT.Today I had a little ceremony at the DMV. I returned my motorcycle plates. I see those plates and my former bike as a symbol of freedom and the risk that you need to take to go with it.   Compared to a car, a bike has much less structure, less protection from the weather and solid objects, and can move in more nimble ways. Some see this means of transportation as excitement, freedom, or flow, while other see it as irresponsible, flawed, or suicidal.The responses are varied, but when someone finds out I ride a bike they say, "isn't that dangerous?" I get the same thing about being a firefighter . At the DMV I saw myself trading in one symbol of freedom and risk for an even greater one -- hiking the AT. I said "greater" because I did not feel a loss giving up the bike -- it was something I wanted to do to simplify my move into AT-mode. From what I've read, I and other journalists in the class of 2004 are purging our stuff in preparation for the big hike. On the macro level (all the junk in a my apartment) and the micro level (learning to carry just what I need for 5 months), everything is being pared down.When talking with friends and family about the AT, the dangerous comment comes up and so does "you must be crazy".   Really? (If so, I wish more of society were "crazy".) I try try try to see people, well everything, around me as a reflection of self. This means folks around me reflect that which I am creating in my life. "Crazy" was not in my pre-hike repertoire. "You mean I think I'm crazy", I ask my friend Valorie. "Yep, you are", she responds.   Yeesh. I guess I have some reservations and fear around this trip... sounds like my "appropriateness" is seeping through. Must... use... more... denial.... uh oh... too... late...   There's that parental voice now: A well-respected and responsible person in society does not give up his job, his home, and his responsibilities to hike the Appalachian Trail!   Oy! Can I accept that this long-haired-freedom-lovin-geeky-hippy-boy actually has thoughts like this?No, I'm not crazy, this stuff goes on in everybody all the time -- usually under the radar. Part of the purpose for going on the trail is to give myself a lot of space to receive the parts of me that seem to be in direct conflict with who I think I am... and give 'em expression. Yes, I could do this in my current set-up with home, work, fire dept, etc. etc. but I'm way too creative at making distractions for myself and not making time for me.   Plus, I love the outdoors. What could be better?