Date: 2011-06-20
From: Williamstown, MA

To: Rutland, VT
Miles today: 85.2

'It's not you, it's me.'If I had to sum up my feeling for the trail this year this would be it, and once again I walk away with a bit more wisdom, both about myself and the trail, than before I set out. The short answer for my departure is that my heart simply wasn't in it this year, and having last year as a benchmark I know the difference. When your heart is in it your perception of things changes dramatically; on the trail you can overlook the bugs and the heat, the rain, the food, the smell, the pain and fatigue, the occasional phone call home to the wife and kids, the next gap to descend and the next mountain to climb. The difference is that when your heart ISN'T in it then all of these things transform from 'small inconvenience' to piquing moments of annoyance at best and outright discomfort at worst. I suppose now I am officially a 'sectioner'. Fine. I touch 3 more states this year, finishing CT, crossing MA, and traversing a fair amount of VT before leaving the trail near Rutland. Last night I'm unusually tired and find myself fighting a chill I just can't shake. I'm camped next to a full-flowing river and wonder if this chill has anything to do with my proximity to these cool waters. Regardless I'm in my sleeping bag by 7:00p which is early even by trail time, fully zipped and huddled for warmth. My stomach is a bit chaotic too and I hope I'm not coming down with something. In the morning I wake and still don't feel 100%, my twisting stomach giving me pause to consider if I might have contracted girardia. I hike out with Breezy and Firefly, my condition not improving over the course of the morning. I haven't eaten much and have little appetite despite the miles hiked and decide around lunchtime that it might be risky to push on if I'm coming down with something. I hitch into Rutland and am dropped off at a walk-in clinic where the doctor concludes my condition is either viral or girardia, no way to be certain without running costly and time consuming tests. He prescribes some medicine in the event it's girardia, noting that if it is viral then the pills will have no effect, and recommends a couple days off trail to rehydrate and recover. I check into a motel to convalesce and it's during this time I decide my heart just isn't in it. It takes a supreme desire and level of commitment to hike the hundreds or thousands of miles of the AT and as I was looking out my motel window I realized I just wasn't carrying the same sense of joy and wonder that I carried last year. That said there were certainly some good times this year - Upper Goose Pond Cabin comes to mind, the beaver ponds in Vermont, Tom Lavardi's house, and of course the many friends I made including Spam, Face, Sensei, Windscreen, Savage, Firefly, 30+, and Breezy to name a few. The thought of piecing together sections of the AT with my 7 year old son sounds more rewarding and appealing at this juncture and I look forward to pursuing this course. Last spring we traipsed from Amicalola to Springer Mt. and back for our first overnighter on the AT together -- an 18 mile round trip that Connor handled well. Short of these sections with my son I don't know if or when I might return for those last miles across VT, NH, and ME. Who knows, perhaps Connor and I will cross those miles together some day down the road.On a final note, for those interested, I've compiled and published my journal diary for those who might like a physical copy of my adventure. Titled 'Walk on! An Appalachian Adventure', you can find it at the LULU.COM website or copy and past this link into your browser -- http://bit.ly/rtzqib. In the meantime, thanks for reading, and as always, Walk on!