Date: 2012-04-14
From: Snowbird Mountain

To: Grassy Fork, TN
Miles today: 8.1

April 14, 5.4 miI dallied at every opportunity. A hunger had set into me and I ate just about all I had. I made bowl after bowl of brown sugared oatmeal. (It didn't help that Thin Timber had given me the bowl I ate out of.) Perhaps my sweet tooth introduction had carried over from the previous day when I'd snacked on the bag of Reese's eggs. My stomach was sick of sugar but it was still in my system, which had been broken into it, so I craved it all the more. I stopped a few times to spork spoonfuls of plain sugar right into my mouth. I threw down my pack at Brown Gap and searched for my cigarettes. Gumby came along and we chatted for a bit. She was excited to see her boyfriend (who was a Tennessee local like herself) but was unsure of how to reach him. Her cell phone hadn't had service for days and all she knew was that he would be waiting for her around Max Patch, where she'd never been. I lit a Marlboro black and clumsily offered her the use of my cell phone. Then I thought about this for a second and realized my cell phone was definitely out of range. ¢What?¢ she called back from the hill as she walked on. ¢Uh, nothing. Don't worry about it.¢¢I'll see you down the way!¢¢Have a good time.¢I leaned up against a large rock and twiddled someone's abandoned walking stick in my hands. Bored, I tried it out, but trudging along with a huge piece of wood felt ridiculous to me. So I went back to my post of stationary exhaustion. Let the minutes pass. Vaguely wished that someone would come along.Not ten minutes later a cavalcade of exterior frame racecars appeared. They swerved to a halt in the dust a few yards from my rock, calling happily to each other. There were three in all but it felt like more. There was music from a built-in system. The jovial exuberance of men out on a weekend. Familiar. Beers in hand. I puffed on the cigarette stub seductively, definitely wanting to be a part of this pit stop. At least! Oh lord, the one with the teenage boy in his car was hot! Light brown hair which was just long enough to get into his eyes. Friendly, easygoing smile, slight build but tall. I was so drawn to him that I actually walked right over, slowly, one foot in front of the other. It was that natural ¢ and my confidence isn't normally overflowing, either. ¢Hey girl, you one of those hikers?¢ the cute one asked, seeing as how I was staring.¢Yeah,¢ I replied. ¢But you guys beat my ride, I gotta say.¢ They laughed appreciatively. I rapped on the pipe frame and asked them where they'd gotten the cars. ¢We built 'em.¢ Man he had a nice smile! And his jeans fit so well. ¢Really? That's amazing!¢ On second look, of course they'd have to be man made. They were too individualized and asymmetrical (and probably unsafe) to come out of a factory. ¢My name's Josh. And this is Daniel.¢ The boy shyly looked up at me through his father's tousling hands. What a beautiful boy. What an awesome thing for them to share together, and in such scenery. I agreed completely. I had a beer and told them about my hike so far. They seemed impressed and had never spoken to a hiker in depth before. One of Josh's friends felt the weight of my pack and laughed, bending over, feigning strain. ¢You're crazy, girl¢ was the general verdict. ¢You wanna take a ride?¢ Josh asked me. Hell yes I wanna take a ride. I smiled and nodded. ¢Could I have one of those Marlboro's?¢Sure. It was my last one but I really didn't care. A woman pulled up in a truck and Daniel relocated, hefting my pack with him. The boys introduced the woman as June. She looked me over and nodded a hello. Stoic, careful. Nice, blowdried, big hair. June. She drove the mother ship to their jets. She noticed my empty pack and handed me a few Marlboro golds through the window. I got in beside Josh and we were ready to go. We flew over the loose rock and screeched around corners, racing the other cars in the broad lane. The beer cooler was in the back of our car, so I reached back and got another one for both of us. ¢You can pick the music if you want.¢ Josh handed me a folder full of CDs. He had everything from Christina Aguilera to bluegrass. No house, top 40, or R&B though. Distracted, my hands moved to his body. Up his thigh, through his hair, hugged his arm against my chest. ¢I think you should stay for awhile,¢ Josh told me. And my 2,000 mile mission, the one I'd waited for forever, actually didn't compel me to respond to his serious proposal with excuses. I just smiled, knew nothing could keep me from the trail for long, but enjoyed this moment in the sun with a good man. A fast one. Matched me, was just my type. I could read him immediately and if you were to ask me how I knew exactly that he was talking about my staying for more than a few days I couldn't tell you. I just knew. For one thing, he'd been married three times. For another, I was 25. I'd just told him my age, and I was ripe for that sort of talk by all society's standards. But I knew he couldn't keep me from the trail for longer than a day. *The boys had been let off and Josh and I returned with Daniel to his driveway. We parked at the bottom because the driveway was backed up by two Mercedes Benzs. As we walked up to the front door we passed a few hefty blondes with straightened hair leaning up against the cars. I stared at one of them and she stared back at me with a cow's dumb blankness. It reminded me of the glance I got from a girl who my friend Paul had told to demonstrate how a girl dances these days. ------------------------¢You're the whitest girl I know,¢ he derided me, as if that were something bad. Besides, I love to dance and I don't feel my expressive medium belongs to any one race but all of them, at different times. ¢What?¢ I laughed it off because we'd been flirting for months now. I liked him.¢Here, I'll show you.¢ He took me over to a girl, big ass, proper hair, dumb smug look on her ugly face, and he told her to dance. It was the most disgusting scene I've ever laid eyes on. I'm not saying the proficiency with which she moulded her ass into his crotch wasn't stylized and, yes, difficult. I'm saying it made me burn inside to see him in this light. I knew he was better than this. And so was I. ------------------------------------I was torn away from the mug of the girl with the car (who I could have sworn had big fuzzy ears to flick away flies) by Josh's hand at my elbow. I turned to Josh in confusion. Who were they? But he just jilted his eyebrows in their direction with a straight pleading look on his face: don't be like that. Easy enough. I opened the pretty glass door to his long, one-story house on the vibrant green lawn and let him into his own house without a twinge of questioning or expectation, a smile on my face. You see, all the while my mind was on the trail and this wasn't even real life anymore. It couldn't be. I showered with joyous abandon in the charming glass bathroom. The water ran watery black, I was so dirty. But I looked so beautiful in the fogged up mirror. Alive, free, beautiful. Testing the towels on my skin, I made sure I wouldn't get them dirty, then dried myself and flipped my hair up into an Egyptian headress. Josh opened the door a crack to ask if I needed anything. I walked over and locked my fingers behind his neck, caressing his messy brown hair between my fingers, bringing him down to my naked breasts, pressed together by my arms. Everything smelled alarmingly clean. ¢Yes. I need deodorant.¢ I kissed his face. He really did have the nicest smile. ¢And...do you have any conditioner?¢ I let the towel drop and tossed my hair. It was slightly matted and very dry. ¢Nothing like that here.¢After he dipped back out, I used one of the toothbrushes to clean my teeth then put the bathroom back together. Towels hung up, no water on the floor. Josh asked if I'd like any laundry done, and as everything I owned I'd been wearing and it was grimy, creased with dirt, I let him do a load and borrowed some of Daniel's old clothes. A t-shirt that was baggy on me and manly, bootlegged jeans. I looked ridiculous with my damaged, frizzy hair, not fashionable at all by today's standards. On a tentative exploration of the house, I discovered another bathroom with women's products in it, including conditioner. I palmed some into my hand and raked it through my drying hair. After Daniel had showered and thrown the towels back on the floor, we all got back in the truck to drive around for a bit. I got shotgun and enjoyed playing with the radio, watching the town of Grassy Fork go by. We picked up June and the two men who'd gone drag racing with us, pulled over for every neighbor and Josh exchanged greetings with them, introduced me. ¢That guy we just talked to,¢ Josh leaned over and told me, ¢hits the pipe a little too much.¢¢What, like weed?¢¢Nope. Crack.¢¢Oh shit.¢ I took another sip of the Coors in my cupholder. I was feeling slightly buzzed at this point and down for whatever. But no crack. I was pretty satisfied with how the day was developing.June wanted to go to the top of the hill for some homemade wine. Apparently a local made his own, served over ice. ¢Wait 'till you taste it!¢ she yelled from behind me. The music blared as we swerved up the long driveway to the very top. There was an old wooden house, dark and weathered white in the cracks, with a porch running along its length. Pots and pans hung from the beams outside. Nobody even bothered getting out. Josh just honked the horn and screamed. ¢Jerry! Heeeey, JEERY!¢ Next thing I knew there was a bearded man in worn overalls, no shoes, handing plastic cups full of a pink liquid through the window. June made sure mine was only half full. ¢She knows how strong it is alright!¢ Josh told me that was all she ever drank. Iced wine. It was like crushed blueberries, concentrated raspberries, more sweet than tart. Delicious. ¢Hey, hey, take your time with that,¢ Josh warned me. So I put it down and got him to give me a cigarette instead. We were ready to go to dinner. The music blared, we were about to merge onto the highway, but Josh just stopped the trunk when he saw a man he knew with his two little boys. Overalls all around, no shirts. Blonde, tussled hair on the boys. They stood beside a delapidated, rusty tractor parked in the median of the road. I had no idea what it was doing there, if they'd been fixing it or what. The man and Josh exchanged friendly greetings and then we were on our way to Outback Steakhouse ¢ with a pit stop for more beer first.The gas station had a drive thru service with a beautiful, sleek-haired girl wearing a red tank top showing off the glowing skin around her breasts and shoulders. She handed us two 30-packs of Coors, two packs of Marlboro golds, and two Nos energy drinks for Daniel, grape flavored. Something for everyone. ¢Whose girl are you?¢ Josh wanted to know of the girl in red. As she told him, pointed him towards the vague direction of her house, I was definitely jealous. She was so beautiful, bold. A sparkling piercing dazzled me in her upper lip as she spoke. Here, there seemed to be complete freedom of information, without any fear of consequences or bad feelings. I just smiled and tried to fit in, when really there couldn't have been anyone more confused or unganily than I. Either Josh could sense my doubt or he was always so generous but he tossed me one of the packs and lit my cigarette for me. ¢Thank you,¢ I grinned. As we drove on towards dinner, the sun melted into all my favorite colors ahead of me as the metal sidings and the car itself protected me but seemed just barely frame the picture on either side of me. The carseat was warm and comfortable and we rode.I got made fun of for ordering chicken at a steakhouse, but it's what I'd been craving. I got ribs on the side but couldn't even finish them because Daniel and I had eaten so much of the bread and butter. Besides, my stomach had shrunk. We spent most of our time talking, though I can't recall exactly about what. I sat between Josh and Daniel on one bench, June across from me in the booth with the two men, relations unknown. At some point I ordered a Budweiser but Josh had to draw the line at that and ordered a Coors for himself. I snuck sips as I'd forgotten my ID. In other words, I must have been obviously wasted. Our pregnant waitress discussed her due date with the table as I forked up Josh's ranch salad. I hate ranch. She looked like she was about ready to have the baby either that day or tomorrow. The mystery of another human being before me. It was hard to get back into the truck again, I remember. Not because I was drunk but because I was so full. It was unusual. And the truck was so high up. As we sped back towards Grassy Fork, Josh said that he was beginning to think I was an alcoholic. ¢Are you an alcoholic?¢ Beer in his hand, he turned to me from the wheel and asked me. ¢Well, probably,¢ I answered him, knowing full well that I definitely am. I went on to say something vague like ¢Oh, but so many people are alcoholics, and is it the world, the alcohol, or the disease?¢ I addressed this last to the windshield in front of me, tapered it off really nice until I hid my voice in the music. The freaking Verve. Whatever comes. Blackout. We're back in front of June's house, the men go with her, there are the little dogs again. I get out to pet them, amazed at my own agility, happy. Feeling remarkable. I'm ¢a real thru-hiker now.¢¢How do you get this thing wet?¢ Josh acts like he's never fucked a pussy before. He did say I stole Daniel's space in the bed.¢I don't know.¢ About an hour later I stagger around in the dark, find the bathroom and thankfully throw up all the alcohol I've drank that day. My body will be able to function tomorrow. ¢Ugh, Outback!¢ Josh laughs from the bedroom. Good one.