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+[{"x": "hey, have you met ted?", "y": "let me guess, ted?"}, {"x": "so what do you do?", "y": "i'm a reporter for metro news 1."}, {"x": "oh.", "y": "well, kind of a reporter. i do those dumb little fluff pieces at the end of the news, you know. like-um-monkey that can play the ukulele. i'm hoping to get some bigger stories soon."}, {"x": "bigger like, uh, gorilla with an up-right bass? sorry, you're really pretty. oh, your friends don't seem too happy.", "y": "yeah, see the one in the middle just got dumped by her boyfriend so tonight every guy is... \"the enemy\"."}, {"x": "you know if you don't make your friend feel better you could throw a drink at my face. i don't mind.", "y": "she would love that! it does look fun in the movies."}, {"x": "hey, you wanna have dinner with me saturday night?", "y": "oh, i can't. i'm going to orlando for a week on friday. some guys attempting to make a big so my news is covering it."}, {"x": "that's going to take a week?", "y": "yeah, he's going to eat it too, it's another record."}, {"x": "uh, i know this is a long sh*t, but how about tomorrow night?", "y": "yeah, what the hell jerk! that was fun."}, {"x": "yeah, i was never going to go play laser tag.", "y": "wow that is one bad-ass blue french horn."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "mhmm."}, {"x": "the olive theory is based on my friends, marshall and lily. he hates olives, she loves them. in a weird way that's what makes them such a great couple. a perfect balance.", "y": "you know, i've had a jar of olives just sitting in my fridge forever."}, {"x": "i can take them off your hands.", "y": "they're all yours."}, {"x": "wait, it's only the break of ten-thirty. what happened?", "y": "i've gotta get one of those blue french horns for over my fireplace. it's gotta be blue, it's gotta be french."}, {"x": "no green clarinet?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "come on, no purple tuba?", "y": "it's a smurf penis, we're no dice."}, {"x": "there you are! we've got a jumper! some crazy guy on the manhattan bridge. come on, you're covering it!", "y": "um, alright. i'll be right there. i'm sorry. i had a really great time tonight."}, {"x": "ooo. she's cute! hey carl, turn it up!", "y": "...persuaded him to reconsider at which point the man came down off the ledge, giving this bizarre story a happy ending. reporting from"}, {"x": "huh, guy didn't jump", "y": "metro one news, back to you bill."}, {"x": "you're wearing a suit!", "y": "ted?"}, {"x": "hi! i was just uh", "y": "come on up."}, {"x": "simple no would have sufficed. she's lovely.", "y": "so, ted. what brings you back to brooklyn at one in the morning in a-suit."}, {"x": "i was just hoping to get those olives... that you said i could have.", "y": "would you like those olives with some gin and vermouth?"}, {"x": "are you trying to get me drunk?", "y": "for starters"}, {"x": "marshall, i'm going to get you an early wedding present. don't get married.", "y": "i think i like your \"olive theory\"."}, {"x": "i think i like your french horn.", "y": "i think i like your nose."}, {"x": "so orlando, you goanna hit disney world?", "y": "you love me?"}, {"x": "oh, god, i can't believe i said that. why did i say that? who says that? i should just go.", "y": "hold on. wait a minute. promised you these."}, {"x": "so when you tell this story to your friends, could you avoid the word \"psycho\"? i prefer...eccentric.", "y": "good night, psycho."}, {"x": "great umm... how do i get to the f train?", "y": "oh, um-two blocks that way and take a right."}, {"x": "thanks. you know what?. i'm done being single. i'm not good at it. look, obviously you can't tell a woman you just met you love her. but... it sucks that you can't. i'll tell you something though, if a woman-not you... just some hypothetical woman-were to bare with me through all this. i think i'd make a damn good husband. because that's the stuff i'd be good at. stuff like making her laugh and being a good father... and walking her five hypothetical dogs. being a good kisser.", "y": "everyone thinks they're a good kisser."}, {"x": "oh, i've got references.", "y": "good night, ted."}, {"x": "and i'm a good hand shaker", "y": "that's a pretty great hand shake."}, {"x": "i think i'm in love with you.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "i wasn't in love with her, okay? i was briefly in love with the abstract idea of getting married! that had absolutely nothing to do with robin. robin!", "y": "hey!"}, {"x": "since when do you guys know each other?", "y": "uh... since about here. lily recognized me from the news and hello, sailor!"}, {"x": "they just got engaged.", "y": "well, i should get back to the station. see you guys. nice seeing you, ted."}, {"x": "so what do we think of ted?", "y": "ted's something else."}, {"x": "but that's part of his charm.", "y": "oh, totally. i mean, he's sweet, he's charming, he's just looking for something a little bit more serious than i am. i mean the most i can handle right now is something casual. this just stays between us, right?"}, {"x": "guys, boundaries! there she is!", "y": "thanks bill, i'm reporting from the razzle dazzle supermarket on 75th in columbus"}, {"x": "75th in columbus. game on!", "y": "and on the pursuit of a stuffed purple giraffe. from metro news one, i'm robin scherbatsky."}, {"x": "we're clear", "y": "thanks. ted?"}, {"x": "robin, wow! what are the odds?", "y": "what are you doing here?"}, {"x": "oh, you know, just-uh-shopping for-uh-dip i love dip... i mean i don't love dip, i like dip. as a friend, you know. so-uh-hey, you-uh-reporting a news story or something?", "y": "yeah, kid stuck in a crane machine, how sweet of you to call it news."}, {"x": "cute kid um yeah it's f-it's so funny running into your we're having a party next friday if-if you like swinging by! but, you know, whatever.", "y": "oh, i'm going back home next weekend. it's too bad it's not tonight."}, {"x": "no, no, no. not right away. i gotta seem casual. hello?", "y": "i'm so sorry i missed your party."}, {"x": "who is this? merideth?", "y": "robin."}, {"x": "oh, robin! hey, yeah, guess you never showed up did you?", "y": "no i got stuck at work, but they finally got that kid out of the crane machine."}, {"x": "did he get to keep the purple giraffe?", "y": "yeah, they let him keep all the toys. he was in there a long time and little kids have smaller bladders."}, {"x": "it's robin. hello?", "y": "hi, ted."}, {"x": "amanda? oh, denise-sorry you totally sounded like amanda", "y": "it's robin."}, {"x": "oh, robin-hi.", "y": "i totally wanted to come; i got stuck at work again. i feel like i live there. i'm sorry i missed your party...again."}, {"x": "hey, ain't no thing but a chicken wing mamacita. who am i?", "y": "i guess there's no change your two-dayer turned into a three-dayer."}, {"x": "it did indeed, the party continues tonight. yeah. last night people were like, \"keep it goin' bro! party trifecta!\"", "y": "wow, okay-well i'll be there."}, {"x": "okay, where the hell is my-ohh! okay, introduction to contract work institution statutes from 1865 to 1923...is not a coaster! ted! i'm jeopardizing my law career so that you can throw not one, not two, but three parties for some girl that you just met who's probably not gonna show up. i mean where is she, ted, huh? where's robin? hi! hi robin.", "y": "so you threw all these parties for me?"}, {"x": "nothing. it's a game, i gotta just-keep playing it.", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "robin, look i didn't invite you to this party to set you up with carlos. or the one before that. or the one before that. i threw these parties because i wanted to see you.", "y": "well, here i am."}, {"x": "there's something here, look, unless i'm crazy.", "y": "you're not crazy. i-i don't know, ted, i mean we barely know each other and you're looking at me with that look and it's like"}, {"x": "like what?", "y": "like-let's fall in love, and get married and have kids and drive them to soccer practice."}, {"x": "i'm not gonna force sports on them unless they're interested.", "y": "it's a great look. but you're looking at the wrong girl."}, {"x": "no, i'm not.", "y": "yes, you are. i don't wanna get married right now, maybe ever and if we got together i'd feel like i'd either have to marry you or break your heart and-i just couldn't do either of those things. just like you can't turn off the way you feel."}, {"x": "click. off. let's make out.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "what? that was the off switch! and i turned it off. i mean sure yes, i wanna fall in love get married blah, blah, blah, but-on the other hand... you... me...the roof.", "y": "there's no off switch."}, {"x": "there is an off switch... and it's off.", "y": "no, it's not."}, {"x": "yes, it is.", "y": "no...it's-not."}, {"x": "yes-it is no it's not. you're right, there's no off switch. god i wish there was an off switch.", "y": "me too."}, {"x": "so", "y": "we could be friends"}, {"x": "oh", "y": "look, i know it sounds insincere when people say that but... we could."}, {"x": "i don't know, robin. i made such a jackass out of myself here, every time we start hanging out it'll be like, \"oh-that's right-i'm a jackass.\"", "y": "you're not a jackass. i'm sorry. i only moved here in april and i'm always working and-i just haven't met a lot of good people so far. but i understand."}, {"x": "well-uh-maybe in a few months after it's not so fresh, we could all-uh...you know, get a beer.", "y": "yeah. that sounds good. i'll see you, ted."}, {"x": "or, you know-now. we could all get a beer now.", "y": "i'd like that."}, {"x": "oh, please, what does carlos have that i don't?", "y": "a date tonight?"}, {"x": "stop the tape, rewind-play it again.", "y": "a date tonight?"}, {"x": "i'm so glad we finally get to hang out just the two of us!", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "you sure you're okay giving up your friday night to hang with an old almost-married lady?", "y": "oh please, i'm so sick of the \"meet-market\" scene. guys are like a subway. you miss one, another one comes along in five minutes."}, {"x": "unless it's the end of the night, then you get on anything.", "y": "heyow!"}, {"x": "so i grew up in park slope.", "y": "oh, i love park slope. when did you move to manhattan?"}, {"x": "you're from park slope.", "y": "uh, no she is."}, {"x": "so where're you from? heaven.", "y": "yeah, i'm a ghost! d*ed fifteen years ago, like that pickup line."}, {"x": "heyow.", "y": "god, i'm so sorry."}, {"x": "exactly! we have a lawyer?", "y": "it's ridiculous in here, why don't we go somewhere else?"}, {"x": "no, this place is great", "y": "what are you doing?"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "with your lips and everything...?"}, {"x": "sorry, buddy, two against one.", "y": "ooh, look a booth opened up."}, {"x": "really.", "y": "yeah, i thought we could finally go talk, and you're not listening to me, so i'm going to walk away."}, {"x": "philly!", "y": "lily's phone."}, {"x": "robin! uh... where's lily", "y": "she's uh..."}, {"x": "is she talking to some hot guy? oh, you can tell me. it's totally cool. it was my idea! hell, i told her she could take the ring off.", "y": "really? well i thought it was kinda weird, but if you're cool with it. yeah. it's off and she's talking to some guy. do you want me to go over and..."}, {"x": "i'll get some club soda for that stain.", "y": "lily, i thought tonight was about us hanging out, what are you doing?"}, {"x": "just fending off the advances of that totally hot guy.", "y": "dude, i think that guy is gay."}, {"x": "oh, i know that guy is gay. just marshall and i have been together for nine years. i haven't been single since high school.", "y": "you wanna be single? you wanna fight off loser guys all night, does that seem like fun to you?"}, {"x": "i guess i wanted to throw this net back into the ocean and see how many fish i could catch. so far, one. one gay dolphin.", "y": "and marshall. lily, all these girls here tonight are looking to catch what you've already got."}, {"x": "you're right i know. hey do you wanna get some coffee and have an actual conversation?", "y": "if, by \"coffee\" you mean \"cheesecake\", then yes."}, {"x": "yes, hello, barney.", "y": "barney's offering me fifty bucks to say some stupid word on a live news report."}, {"x": "not some stupid word, \"booger\".", "y": "but i'm not doing it, i am a journalist."}, {"x": "what? journalist? you do the little fluff pieces at the end of the news. old people, babies, monkeys... that's not journalism, that's just things in a diaper.", "y": "for your information, my boss is about to bump me up to the city hall b*at."}, {"x": "city hall, miss thang!", "y": "so i'm not going to jeopardize my promotion by saying \"booger\" for fifty bucks."}, {"x": "natalie!", "y": "who's natalie?"}, {"x": "man, i haven't seen her in like three years!", "y": "well why'd you guys break up?"}, {"x": "come in, alright, i'll get back to you.", "y": "you wanted to see me, mr. adams?"}, {"x": "yes, i did. i need you to cover a story. it's down at city hall.", "y": "city hall? oh, my god."}, {"x": "there she is. hey is it cold in here, because i can kind of see robin's nickels? now for your next challenge...", "y": "no, there is not going to be another challenge, i don't care how much you offer me."}, {"x": "eew. i'm just assuming.", "y": "i gotta get back to work. see ya."}, {"x": "bye.", "y": "baby's going to think about it."}, {"x": "you know what else? my younger sister just got married and i'm about to turn thirty-sex. fantastic.", "y": "an occasion that was supposed to be joyous suddenly turned tragic when ethel and sadie marsolis, new york's oldest twins, suddenly passed away on this, the eve of their one hundredth birthday. i'm a dirty, dirty girl. ow. reporting live, robin scherbatsky, metro news one."}, {"x": "joel adam's wants to see you in his office", "y": "before you say anything, i just want to say, i really like working here at metro news one."}, {"x": "that's great. so my dog keeps going", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "well you have dogs, right? what do you... what do you think that means?", "y": "take him to the vet?"}, {"x": "genius. that's one i owe you.", "y": "was that all?"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "and nothing about the twins' story?"}, {"x": "i have to do the mature thing.", "y": "want to talk mature? i just wrapped up a live newscast by honking my own boobs."}, {"x": "and great tv was had by all. alright scherbatsky, new challenge. and this one's big. but so, is the cash reward. for one thousand dollars, you heard me, all you have to do is get up there on the news and do one of these...", "y": "what the hell is that?"}, {"x": "and as you do it, you say this, \"elbert ickey woods. the bangles were fools to cut you in '91. your 1521 rushing yards and your 27 touch downs will not be forgotten. so coach dave shullah, screw you and your crappy steakhouse.\"", "y": "just write it down for me. what do i care, it's not like anyone's watching anyway, right?"}, {"x": "you're welcome. oh, so much more wine.", "y": "henry, as new york's oldest handsome cab driver, you've seen quite a lot."}, {"x": "but the most exciting moment, that would have to be this one, right now.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "thank you.", "y": "it's an honor to tell your story, henry."}, {"x": "hey, ted, you know what always picks me up when i'm down? other people's misfortune. you missed something so amazing.", "y": "please can we please have one person in this whole bar who didn't see it?"}, {"x": "i really thought i was going the good way this time. i guess there is no good way. sometimes no matter how hard you try to do the right thing, you just end up flat on your back flailing around in a big pile of horse crap!", "y": "you saw it?"}, {"x": "i'm your bitch. why this time?", "y": "because tonight, i am getting us all into \"okay\"."}, {"x": "no... a friend of mine named, shut up.", "y": "yeah, well the owner goes to my gym. it turns out that he is a fan of my reporting for metro news one. so now, i'm on the list for tonight."}, {"x": "nice going, scherbatsky. you're becoming a long and difficult-to-spell household name.", "y": "he's even getting me into the vip room."}, {"x": "yeah, he just wants to show you his own vip if you know what i mean...", "y": "okay, what does \"vip\" stand for in your universe?"}, {"x": "... i know that the \"p\" is penis.", "y": "alright, so you guys are in. should i invite marshall and lily?"}, {"x": "so, no. lily and marshall will not be doing this.", "y": "got it. anyway, ted, part two of my story my friend kelly's going to be there."}, {"x": "kelly, who supposedly i'm gonna love?", "y": "oh, you are gonna love kelly. she's fun, she's smart, she lives in the moment."}, {"x": "translation, she's ugly, she's ugly, she ugs in the ugly.", "y": "oh, and she's totally hot."}, {"x": "so, do you have any other hot single fr...", "y": "no, kelly works with the news breakers..."}, {"x": "question is do these strategies ever not work for me? either way the answer's \"about half the time\".", "y": "my b*tches! check this out. they're with me."}, {"x": "this place seems great. is kelly here?", "y": "yeah, she's around somewhere. let's go find her, i'll introduce you guys. then i should probably dock into the vip room, so stupid and arbitrary isn't it, who get's to be in vip and who doesn't?"}, {"x": "can we come?", "y": "it's... not that arbitrary..."}, {"x": "okay, it's a little loud.", "y": "there's kelly."}, {"x": "freaking ten ends.", "y": "robin scherbastky? robin scherbatsky!"}, {"x": "hey, robin.", "y": "hey!"}, {"x": "why aren't you inside?", "y": "i'm calling the owner, there's a guy in there who won't let me in to the stupid vip room. what are you doing here?"}, {"x": "oh, i had this move. so i came here to bust it. can you get me in?", "y": "great, voicemail."}, {"x": "thanks, i'll see ya.", "y": "bye."}, {"x": "holy crap. we just saw brian affleck!", "y": "and it's not that i care so much about getting into the vip room, i have been in tons of vip rooms, not exactly a vip room virgin. seriously, call me back. oh, um... i was just in there. robin scherbatsky, i'm on the list."}, {"x": "name's already crossed off, sorry.", "y": "but, i'm robin scherbatsky. i'm a reporter for channel one."}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "marshall just ditched out on our own party. can you get me in there? i kind of need to k*ll him.", "y": "actually, i can't even get myself in. i was such a dork. i get recognized one time and i start thinking i'm julia roberts. no vip. i'm not even an ip. i'm just a lonely little p sitting out here in the gutter."}, {"x": "he just left, in the middle of our own party, you don't do that. unless, of course, you're chasing after someone who's already done it, and then i think it's okay.", "y": "well, i hate to take his side... but come one a wine tasting? what's the big plan for next saturday, scrabble night?"}, {"x": "don't check your email.", "y": "why are you becoming this person? i heard that in college you flashed a campus tour group on a dare."}, {"x": "once on a dare. the other times were just for fun. i'm not in college anymore. i'd love to go back and be that person again, but you can't move backwards you can only go forward.", "y": "um, pause... you can go wherever you want. i guess the question is where do you want to go?"}, {"x": "i want to go into this club and find my fianc\u00e9.", "y": "well that you can't do."}, {"x": "robin, what are you doing for halloween?", "y": "oh, i don't know. probably hanging out with mike, this guy i've been seeing."}, {"x": "mike? there's a mike? you have a boyfriend? you haven't told us?", "y": "no, i mean, he's not my boyfriend. he's just this guy i've been seeing for a couple of weeks."}, {"x": "so why haven't we met him?", "y": "we're not really ready to go public yet."}, {"x": "how about we go about a halloween double-date?", "y": "i don't know, we were kinda thinking about staying at home and dressing up as naked people."}, {"x": "our costumes...yes, that is why we're best friends.", "y": "hey, ted, what are you doing for halloween?"}, {"x": "awww.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "that's right.", "y": "what's the slutty pumpkin?"}, {"x": "you mean, who is the slutty pumpkin? it was four years ago.", "y": "wait, how can a pumpkin costume be sexy?"}, {"x": "well, boys, looks like it's just the three of us. what's that? self-five? nice. we out.", "y": "hey, chad, how's it hanging?"}, {"x": "hey, word play. funny.", "y": "whoo."}, {"x": "i'm a parrot.", "y": "you sure are."}, {"x": "where's mike?", "y": "he's meeting me here. i ran late covering the halloween parade in the village. there are like a zillion gay pirates this year."}, {"x": "so, where's your costume?", "y": "uh, you know, mike and i joked about doing something together but we decided not to dress up."}, {"x": "hi.", "y": "ah, everyone, this is michael. th-that is not his real hair."}, {"x": "where's your costume, gretel?", "y": "you thought i was...oh, i was just kidding. i gotta stop making jokes in e-mails. it's so hard to convey tone."}, {"x": "would think it would be arby's, but actually it's long john silver's.", "y": "actually i kinda need this hand to eat."}, {"x": "yeah, we've been spending a lot of time together. we're even getting to that point where we finish each other's", "y": "this cheeseburger is so..."}, {"x": "robin, you have to try this chicken.", "y": "oh, well, that's good. i'm ok, thanks."}, {"x": "really tasty.", "y": "i'm just really feeling this cheeseburger."}, {"x": "come on, just try a little bite.", "y": "dude, i'm kind of in the zone here."}, {"x": "have fun, barnacle.", "y": "so, do you like mike?"}, {"x": "do you like mike?", "y": "of course i do. why?"}, {"x": "it just doesn't seem like it. you won't share your food. you won't wear a costume.", "y": "ah, lily, you know me, i'm just not into all that couple-y stuff."}, {"x": "ok, i know that stuff looks dumb from the outside, but it's kinda the greatest thing in the world when you're a part of it. if you just give it a chance, you might like it.", "y": "are you trying to get me to join a cult?"}, {"x": "robin, mike likes you. if you don't start meeting him halfway, you're gonna lose him.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "look, it's halloween. just put on the girlfriend costume for the night.", "y": "ok, what am i supposed to do? buy him a giant teddy bear or something?"}, {"x": "how about you start by sharing dessert.", "y": "i can share dessert. he better want the brownie sundae, but yeah, yeah, i can totally share."}, {"x": "yeah, whatever. you guys got some weed?", "y": "a little to the left, marshall. lily, squat down."}, {"x": "take the damn picture.", "y": "got it."}, {"x": "i still think we should have won as sonny and cher. maybe if i had worn that red dress. ha! if i could turn back time.", "y": "wow, this sundae looks so good i could eat the whole thing."}, {"x": "thanks, marshmallow.", "y": "well, let's dig in, mi... mi... microwave oven."}, {"x": "you know, if you guys like tiramisu we found this little italian place...", "y": "no, you found it. i came with you. go on."}, {"x": "i'm just saying we love tiramisu.", "y": "i cannot get enough of it."}, {"x": "we're crazy for this stuff.", "y": "i'm crazy and you're crazy for tiramisu."}, {"x": "we love tiramisu. am i wrong in saying that.?", "y": "no, no, no, i mean it just sounds a little bit weird, doesn't it? we love tiramisu. is it really a group activity, loving tiramisu? right?"}, {"x": "so this italian place? how's their cannoli?", "y": "see there, hungry."}, {"x": "yeah, looks like we're both hungry.", "y": "hey, is that gary oldman?"}, {"x": "i don't see...", "y": "brain freeze."}, {"x": "no, see ya. ow.", "y": "wanna drink the melty part?"}, {"x": "you know what, it's getting late. i think i'm gonna take off.", "y": "hey, i thought we were gonna follow those bread crumbs back to my place, hansel"}, {"x": "robin, i don't get the sense you like being with me.", "y": "i like being with you."}, {"x": "not as much as you like being alone. you like eating your own food, sleeping in your own bed, doing your own crosswords.", "y": "well, who uses ink? sorry. ok, i'm a bit set in my ways. that doesn't mean that this won't work."}, {"x": "actually, it kinda does.", "y": "wait, are we breaking up?"}, {"x": "sweetie, i'm so sorry.", "y": "seriously it's not a big deal. he wanted to be a 'we,' and i wanted to be an 'i'. dudes are such chicks. you guys, i'm fine."}, {"x": "i love you too, lilypad.", "y": "you guys, let me get a picture."}, {"x": "what the? haha, joke's on you, i have a cold.", "y": "are you guys ok? marshall another round and back it up for me and lily."}, {"x": "oh, yeah, sorry, my bad. you're a man.", "y": "ooh, my story's on. ted, pay attention. carl, turn it up."}, {"x": "was that chick at the end really a client?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "but it has mouse-like characteristics. grey-brown tufts of fur, a tail.", "y": "so which is it, a cockroach or a mouse?"}, {"x": "it's a cockamouse.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "hit the horizontal ten-legged interspecies cha-cha?", "y": "that's impossible. that simply can't happen."}, {"x": "there was no time.", "y": "so love solutions, did you meet the love of your life?"}, {"x": "and it's the size of a potato.", "y": "so, what, now it's a cockapotatomouse?"}, {"x": "for as much as we know about the cockamousse, there are still so much we don't know.", "y": "well, we know that there's no such thing as a cockamouse. what we don't know is what you guys have been smoking."}, {"x": "so you really don't believe in the cockamouse?", "y": "well, i believe that you saw something perfectly normal but you've exaggerated it in your mind, you know, um, like the loch ness monster."}, {"x": "i'm sure you do.", "y": "wow, that's a pretty sophisticated trap. you think the road runner's gonna fall for it?"}, {"x": "yeah, look around. the universe is mysterious and awesome. you got the bermuda triangle, ghosts, big foot.", "y": "bad maps. creaky houses. hillbilly in a gorilla suit."}, {"x": "oh, come one, you gotta give me aliens. stonehenge. area 51. there's alien crap all over the place.", "y": "you can't be serious."}, {"x": "so, my 9.6, beautiful, charming, intelligent, engaged.", "y": "oh."}, {"x": "on the night of july 2nd, 1947, conditions were clear over roswell, new mexico.", "y": "oh geez."}, {"x": "robin.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "what the hell was that? you trying to get it drunk?", "y": "it was the only think i could think of."}, {"x": "robin, open the window!", "y": "it can fly."}, {"x": "you guys will never believe what just happened to us.", "y": "i don't even believe it myself."}, {"x": "i could see how you would think that but i have to have my own place. it's an independence thing.", "y": "when was the last time you were there?"}, {"x": "what the hell?", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "this is my apartment.", "y": "where?"}, {"x": "what the hell?", "y": "lily, this is a chinese restaurant."}, {"x": "what? what are you talking about?", "y": "and why is that girl checking you out?"}, {"x": "so, you're not still gonna be his roommate when he gets married, are you? someone's going to move out. so who's it gonna be?", "y": "come on, barney, i'm sure they've talked about who gets the apartment. you talked about who gets the apartment, right?"}, {"x": "just keep your eyes open. that's all i'm saying, ted. little things are gonna be changing around that apartment.", "y": "come on, barney, you're just being paranoid. ok, seriously, what is this girl's deal?"}, {"x": "all right.", "y": "you're going to the hospital?"}, {"x": "no, see, he's gonna go back over there and i'm gonna call him and he's gonna pretend that it's an emergency call from a family member at the hospital.", "y": "oh, lord, fake emergency? that is lamest, most pathetic cop-out in the book. i expect more from you, barney."}, {"x": "well, stay tuned, i'm working on some stuff. but in the meantime, wish me luck.", "y": "so, are you gonna talk to marshall?"}, {"x": "he's gonna want the apartment. i'm gonna want the apartment. it's gonna lead to an argument, so no.", "y": "hm, that's real healthy. so, when a serious issue comes up, your response is just to avoid it."}, {"x": "i should really make this call.", "y": "ooh, can i do it?"}, {"x": "hello, aunt kathy, what's up?", "y": "oh, nothing. just sitting here, thinking about you, hot stuff."}, {"x": "oh god! why did he think he could build his own helicopter?", "y": "come on, daddy, break me off a piece of that white chocolate."}, {"x": "told you. that lily, she's a shrewd one.", "y": "yeah, she got you a nice new coffeemaker. how dare she!"}, {"x": "he was gonna take the swords down. can you believe that?", "y": "ted, why don't you just talk to him? he's your best friend."}, {"x": "katie's here. ok, real quick, last night, epiphany! i realized what the world of dating needs. ready? a lemon law.", "y": "a lemon law, like for cars."}, {"x": "no, i'm a visionary. lemon law, it's gonna be a thing!", "y": "for the record, your little lemon law is a symbol of everything that's wrong with our no-attention span society."}, {"x": "no, wrong, lemon law is awesome.", "y": "it takes longer than five minutes to really get to know someone. you keep giving up on people so quickly, you're gonna miss out on something great."}, {"x": "you really think it'll take more than five minutes to realize there will be no date number two?", "y": "yes i do. for all i know, that guy's my soul-mate."}, {"x": "hi.", "y": "hi."}, {"x": "i know!", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "i can't believe this. i'm sitting here with a beautiful woman i just met eating at my favorite restaurant. sweet.", "y": "it's a nice place. it's good to know the future has ribs."}, {"x": "in the future food will most likely be served in gel-cap form. plus cows will probably have d*ed out by then... or be our leaders.", "y": "just a second."}, {"x": "time's running out, scherbatsky. last chance for the lemon law.", "y": "leave me alone."}, {"x": "456, 457, 458.", "y": "we're only just getting to know each other."}, {"x": "say i'm right and this could all be over. this could be your call from the hospital.", "y": "sorry."}, {"x": "let me guess, there's been a crazy accident and you have to go.", "y": "no, i would never do that. i don't wanna go anywhere. i'm all yours."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "oh god, i'll be right there."}, {"x": "hab slosi quch! you have no honor. you know, if you felt this way you could have just been upfront.", "y": "no, i swear that was a real call. i just...oh forget it."}, {"x": "i wasn't fighting for the apartment. i was fighting for...i don't know...for everything to stay the way it is. but i'm not gonna get that, so, seriously, take the place, it's yours.", "y": "is she ok?"}, {"x": "it's out there, it's a thing. the lemon law is a thing. damn, i should have called it barney's law.", "y": "but you're totally..."}, {"x": "well, i just ralphed.", "y": "how much did you guys drink last night?"}, {"x": "yeah, no, it'll be fun.", "y": "lily, you just said, \"yeah, no.\""}, {"x": "yeah, no, shut up.", "y": "wait, so you're not going home for thanksgiving."}, {"x": "no, i have to work on friday. you?", "y": "i'm canadian, remember? we celebrate thanksgiving in october."}, {"x": "oh, right, i forgot you guys are weird. you pronounce the word out, \"oat\"", "y": "you guys are the world's leader in handgun v*olence, your healthcare system is bankrupt and your country is deeply divided on almost every important issue."}, {"x": "your cops are called mounties.", "y": "so, probably hanging out with barney then?"}, {"x": "i think i'm gonna go to a homeless shelter, serve food.", "y": "that's awesome."}, {"x": "marcus!", "y": "this is gonna be great."}, {"x": "guys, ok, look, i don't advertise it, but i volunteer here. i think it's important to help the less fortunate. i'm the angelina jolie of incredibly hot guys.", "y": "this is a joke, right? you don't actually volunteer here."}, {"x": "go home, we're full.", "y": "what? ted we're volunteers, we're unpaid help. can you really ever have enough unpaid help?"}, {"x": "on the biggest volunteer day of the year, yeah, you can.", "y": "come on, we just wanna help out."}, {"x": "hey marvin, you're the dorko, dorko!", "y": "yesterday you said the best feeling on earth was getting your toes sucked. then you requested a high-five with your foot."}, {"x": "this is crazy. when did it get so hard to do charity work?", "y": "i do charity work all the time. remember when i said i'd find you a girlfriend."}, {"x": "ha ha. delightful. how is that little project coming along anyway?", "y": "i'm working on it. i'm gonna introduce you to that girl you've been staring at."}, {"x": "what? that's crazy, i haven't been staring at any girl...", "y": "have you met ted?"}, {"x": "if you want to do something, you and your girlfriend can help sort through these donations.", "y": "oh, um, i'm not his girlfriend. i used to be but, um, i just wasn't enough woman for ted, emotionally or sexually. oh my god."}, {"x": "got it. consider it sorted.", "y": "hey, we're in business."}, {"x": "let's start with this one.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "oh, you are evil.", "y": "now, all's right with the world again."}, {"x": "you can't fire a volunteer.", "y": "apparently you can. and his two non-mushroom-throwing friends."}, {"x": "ted, i'm glad you asked.", "y": "surprisingly good."}, {"x": "and hey!", "y": "ted. are you listening? you're a good guy."}, {"x": "ted, walter's been to three shelter dinners. you know where he hasn't been? to heaven with samantha. look, it's the one chance you've had all day to help someone in need. now buy this man a lap dance.", "y": "you said you wanted to see the joy in someone's eyes."}, {"x": "happy thanksgiving, guys.", "y": "thanksgiving in november. weird."}, {"x": "i'm serious. think about it. he always wears black, we never see him in the daylight, only after dark.", "y": "oh my god, that does describe a vampire, or you know, a bartender."}, {"x": "i'll say, she's going out with a billionaire.", "y": "lily, i told you not to call him that."}, {"x": "wait, you're really going out with a billionaire?", "y": "he's not a billionaire. he's a hundred millionaire. why do people always round up?"}, {"x": "so, uh, where's thurston howell taking you?", "y": "a charity dinner."}, {"x": "yeah, $2000 a plate.", "y": "$1500, stop rounding up. and it's for third world hunger."}, {"x": "i think my soul just threw up a little bit.", "y": "well, i'm gonna be late. you guys have fun. bye."}, {"x": "hello robin, it's ted.", "y": "oh hi ted."}, {"x": "hello robin, it's ted.", "y": "hi ted. sounds like you're having fun."}, {"x": "robin, have i ever told you that i'm vomit-free since ninety-three?", "y": "listen, ted, i can't really talk right... '93? dude, that's impressive."}, {"x": "i don't say this enough, but you're a great woman, and a great reporter. you should be on 60 minutes. you should be one of the minutes.", "y": "that's sweet and odd. but i'm kinda on a date right now."}, {"x": "yeah, and i disagree with barney. just 'cause this guy is spending a lot of money doesn't mean you have to put out. take it slow, robin, take it slow. slow.", "y": "bye ted."}, {"x": "cheap trick? oh ted.", "y": "hello again, ted."}, {"x": "i fell in love...", "y": "ted?"}, {"x": "hello, robin, it's ted.", "y": "ted, for the last time, stop."}, {"x": "hello.", "y": "ted, it's robin."}, {"x": "hey, robin, how are you?", "y": "ted, i think you and i should have a talk about those phone calls last night. do you mind if i swing by?"}, {"x": "yeah, sure, come on over.", "y": "thanks."}, {"x": "hi.", "y": "hey guys."}, {"x": "um, sorry i kept calling you like that. i was very drunk.", "y": "no kidding. those calls were really weird. look, ted, maybe we need to talk."}, {"x": "robin! come hang out! ok, i'm gonna make this sound until you come hang out.", "y": "that goes on for three-and a half minutes."}, {"x": "without a breath? that's gotta be some kind of record.", "y": "ted, you can't do this. please, we're to be friends and now you're making it all confusing."}, {"x": "no i'm not. look, i just turned off my brain for the night. nothing's changed, you've moved on, i've moved on.", "y": "really, you moved on?"}, {"x": "trudy, come on out.", "y": "wait, you were with someone last night? ted yeah, trudy, she's cool."}, {"x": "trudy?", "y": "hi trudy, i'm robin. it's nice to meet you. you're right, she is shy."}, {"x": "whatever, whatever. i don't care what you think.", "y": "then why did you hide her from me? ted wow, you're good. did anyone ever tell you you should be on 60 minutes?"}, {"x": "really? well.", "y": "get some sleep, ted. you had a long night. and don't feel bad, i've woken up with worse."}, {"x": "all right, and party number one that's where we get to meet mary beth?", "y": "mary beth?"}, {"x": "i've moved up in the world.", "y": "how do you guys know each other?"}, {"x": "hey, what are we waiting for? we got five parties to hit, and three hours to do it.", "y": "oh, i wish i could come with you guys but derek should be coming by any minute to pick me up."}, {"x": "me, too. hey, robin.", "y": "ted, derek stood me up."}, {"x": "ranjit, turn it around.", "y": "oh, god, i'm so sorry about this. you guys had your schedule and i screwed it all up."}, {"x": "what happened?", "y": "derek's stuck in connecticut closing some deal. who works on new year's eve? okay. now i feel worse. i was really looking forward to this night. this sucks."}, {"x": "what? she needs to get psyched. fine.", "y": "maybe i should just go home."}, {"x": "look, robin, you're not going home. come on, it's new year's eve. look, so your date fell through. so what? what do you need a date for? someone to kiss at midnight? fine. i'll kiss you at... a little bit after midnight.", "y": "hi, i'm robin."}, {"x": "mary beth.", "y": "you're friendly. i haven't eaten dinner yet. is there anything to eat in this thing?"}, {"x": "that's it. i know what you're jonesing for. ranjit, take us to gray's papaya!", "y": "oh, yes. ted, you rock."}, {"x": "hey. i'll bet you're feeling better now.", "y": "oh, so much better."}, {"x": "no way.", "y": "that's totally moby. that's awesome."}, {"x": "it's just a new year's thing. you know, with some friends.", "y": "wow, that sounds awesome."}, {"x": "who?", "y": "moby... the recording artist, moby."}, {"x": "yeah, you know why all the circuits are jammed because everyone's calling their loved ones, everyone around the world. everyone except barney. oh, sure, laugh. laugh for barney stinson. laugh for the sad clown trapped on his whirling carousel of suits and cigars and bimbos and booze. round and round it goes. and where's it all heading? nowhere.", "y": "is this just 'cause you lost your \"get psyched\" mix?"}, {"x": "i'm sorry. am i not allowed to have a pensive side?", "y": "no. no, not tonight. not in the limo. we got to stay psyched. ted went to a lot of trouble to make this an awesome new year's. *sh*t through the heart and you're to blame, darling*"}, {"x": "marshall! marshall!", "y": "i'm sorry about your girl."}, {"x": "sorry about your guy.", "y": "well, at least we both have someone to kiss at midnight. did you forget about our little deal? because i did not."}, {"x": "i did not, too.", "y": "derek. hi. how's work?"}, {"x": "pft, derek.", "y": "well, derek and i just broke up."}, {"x": "yeah, do you need a drink or something?", "y": "never really clicked. i felt bad though, he was pretty bummed."}, {"x": "don't b*at yourself up. he'll be fine. i mean, the guy's like a billionaire. he can put his platinum card on a fishing line and reel in 10 chicks hotter than you.", "y": "thanks, i feel a lot better. think i'll get that drink now."}, {"x": "you know, i've always found that the best way to get over a failed relationship is to celebrate someone else's successful one.", "y": "well, makes sense."}, {"x": "so, with that mind, our friends claudia and stuart are having this crazy, black-tie wedding on saturday. you wanna be my 'plus one'?", "y": "ooh, 'plus one', you make it sound so romantic. ted fine. you wanna be my date?"}, {"x": "oh, you're gonna wanna bring your a game.", "y": "oh, i'll bring it. i'll bring it so hard the bride's gonna look like a big white bag of crap."}, {"x": "you're going. that's awesome. oh my god, four days to find a dress?", "y": "i know, it's a su1c1de mission."}, {"x": "the only thing you can do. tell robin she can't come.", "y": "just a second."}, {"x": "go.", "y": "well, did i bring it? or did i bring it?"}, {"x": "wow.", "y": "that's what i was going for. i'm so excited about tomorrow. we're gonna have so much fun."}, {"x": "uh, lily's phone.", "y": "ted. where's lily? i need to tell her about these awesome shoes i just bought."}, {"x": "uh, lily's busy.", "y": "oh, ok, well i just wanted to say they're gorgeous and ted's gonna love them."}, {"x": "that's great. i'll tell lily to tell me. uh, listen, i really wanna keep talking but now's not a good time so, um, i'm really excited about tomorrow. ok, bye.", "y": "bye-bye."}, {"x": "still wow.", "y": "wow yourself. look who else brought it."}, {"x": "oh yeah, i thought about leaving it at home, but i figured i don't wanna get there and realize i need it and have to go all the way back to get it, so, yeah, i brought it.", "y": "sorry."}, {"x": "do it. do it.", "y": "ok, i need like five minutes to change and um, i'll call you from the cab..."}, {"x": "hey, there's the anchor lady! how was it?", "y": "oh, i don't know. why don't you ask the new substitute weekend anchor. robin? thanks, robin, it was awesome. back to you, robin."}, {"x": "congrats, that's so cool.", "y": "yeah, i felt really bad bailing on ted though."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "i know who she is."}, {"x": "you know who she is? but, you weren't even at the wedding.", "y": "actually, i kind of was."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "well, after the newscast, i was so excited, i decided to surprise ted by going to the reception."}, {"x": "hello? you ok in there?", "y": "uh, yeah, i'm fine. just allergies or something. i'm fine."}, {"x": "listen, do you wanna come and cry out here? i've been told i'm an excellent hugger.", "y": "oh, thanks, but i don't actually cry in front of people, or cry at all for that matter. man, it's gross. does everyone snot up this much when they cry?"}, {"x": "because you have feelings for ted.", "y": "i don't know, maybe."}, {"x": "ok, what is wrong with the two of you?! seriously. he likes you and you like him, just, just, just be together. geez, louise, happiness is not that difficult.", "y": "oh, look, ok. yes, i cried in the bathroom, and that was weird. but that doesn't mean i'm in love with the guy. the fact is i don't know how i feel."}, {"x": "yes you do. seeing him with someone else and crying about it. guess what? that's how you feel. that is nothing but how you feel.", "y": "ok, fine, i have feelings for him. happy? lily kinda, yeah."}, {"x": "or you could tell him you're into him and then you could both be happy.", "y": "i'm gonna go find him."}, {"x": "well, wait. which one are you gonna tell him?", "y": "i have no idea."}, {"x": "i really should give this money to the peace corps. they've done so much for me lately.", "y": "hi, guys,"}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "um, ted, can i talk to you outside for a second?"}, {"x": "sure. what's up?", "y": "uh, i, i have to tell you something."}, {"x": "oh.", "y": "oh, just get it."}, {"x": "why don't you take this? sounds like you could use it.", "y": "thanks. you're very sweet. so, are you a friend of the bride or groom?"}, {"x": "ted, the only reason to wait a month for sex is if the girl is 17 years, 11 months old.", "y": "good news i don't have to cover the cat show tomorrow night. who's up for hanging out?"}, {"x": "no, no, we can't, it's our nine-year anniversary.", "y": "wow, nine years? your relationship's a fourth grader. congrats."}, {"x": "it's one of new york magazine's \"top five romantic getaways on a budget.\" who says sexual can't be sensible?", "y": "well, looks like it's going to be just you and me."}, {"x": "really?", "y": "actually, i was talking to my martini."}, {"x": "hundred dollars says when you turn around, i say \"wow.\"", "y": "barney, this is the third time you've hit on me by accident."}, {"x": "it's one of the many risks of the blind approach. it's usually a two-man operation where ted signals that the target is hot. but ted's too busy being in a lesbian relationship.", "y": "why don't you just check out the girl's reflection in the bar mirror?"}, {"x": "you can't just... wow!", "y": "hey? what's taking so long? i have to go."}, {"x": "not so fast, scherbotsky. i like the way you think. that mirror thing. simple. elegant. okay, limited-time offer i need a \"bro\" for my bro-ings on about town. how would you like to be said bro?", "y": "well, as tempting as that sounds, i'm hanging out with my friend who just got dumped. she really needs some support... or a stranger's tongue down her throat. that seems healthy. all right. guess i'm in."}, {"x": "you suited up!", "y": "well, i figured if i'm going to do this, i'm going to do this right."}, {"x": "emilio? the woman will have...", "y": "i'll have a johnny walker blue, neat, and a montecristo no. 2 thanks."}, {"x": "ah, the no. 2, a.k.a. \"the torpedo.\" or, as the rollers call it, \"piramide.\"", "y": "my father was a cigar fanatic, it was the only way to get his attention."}, {"x": "father issues. hot.", "y": "i know... i was this close to being a huge slut."}, {"x": "slut would have been better, but i'll settle for bro. especially now that ted's with victoria and can't drink. because he's pregnant. cause he's the girl.", "y": "oh, come on, ted can't be pregnant. you need to have sex to get pregnant."}, {"x": "honey, could you hold my hair back, i think i'm going to hurl.", "y": "so. what do you and ted usually do after the cigar bar?"}, {"x": "are you kidding? ted's never been here. you've already flown higher and faster than he ever did. still...", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "there is one other thing we could do. if you're up for it.", "y": "oh, i had no idea laser tag still existed!"}, {"x": "yeah, well, enjoy it before it becomes cool again. i give it two months.", "y": "oh, i believe it... this is awesome!"}, {"x": "okay, follow my lead, stay low, and never underestimate a 12-year-old with a... scherbotsky, you have to focus! you just saved my life, didn't you?", "y": "thank me later. let's keep moving. these little bastards are everywhere."}, {"x": "shh...", "y": "oh, god. these brats have us completely surrounded. i counted nine, maybe ten. i'll lay down some cover fire, you make a run for it."}, {"x": "no. leave no man behind. either we all get out of here or no one does.", "y": "but i..."}, {"x": "don't be a hero, scherbotsky.", "y": "see you on the other side."}, {"x": "damn. want to go get a soft pretzel?", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "oh, boy.", "y": "playing laser tag really takes me back. you know what game i really miss? battleship. i've never lost a game."}, {"x": "neither have i. of course i cheat.", "y": "oh, yeah, me, too. the trick is to bend the aircraft carrier so it makes an l."}, {"x": "ah. i always just stacked the ships on top of each other.", "y": "nice. you know, we should have a cheaters grudge match. i think i still have a... hello. target acquired. hottie by the jukebox."}, {"x": "ooh, good eye, scherbotsky. i got someone for you. two o'clock, blue shirt.", "y": "that's a woman."}, {"x": "oh, my mistake. or is it?", "y": "let's just focus on your target."}, {"x": "right.", "y": "yeah, i got this one. oh, my god. i love your jeans."}, {"x": "okay. is this a lesbian bar? because that girl with the blue shirt just...", "y": "oh, no. i am all about the dudes. although pickings are pretty slim tonight. only hot guy here is blondie in the suit, and he's playing hard to get."}, {"x": "really? 'cause he's totally vibing me right now. must be the jeans.", "y": "well, jeans will only get you so far. i'm going home with him."}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "let's get out of here. let's go somewhere else.", "y": "what happened?"}, {"x": "eh, you sometimes like to do a little catch and release.", "y": "but why?"}, {"x": "leave no man behind. either we all score or no one scores.", "y": "right on. hey, you want to go play battleship?"}, {"x": "well, you make a good bro. you're a better ted than ted. hey, in fact, you have just earned yourself an invite to marshall's bachelor party. and you don't even have to come out of the cake.", "y": "thanks. and, um, thanks for sticking around tonight. i hope you're ready for some hard-core battleship. come on, boys."}, {"x": "hard-core? that's the only way i play.", "y": "i found it. are you ready to... what the hell are you doing?"}, {"x": "i'm birthday suiting up.vi'm sorry, did you want to undress me?", "y": "no! i thought we were just hanging out as friends."}, {"x": "oh, come on, you have been throwing yourself at me all night.", "y": "what?! i did the opposite! i threw some other girl at you."}, {"x": "you invited me up to your apartment to \"play battleship.\" is that not an internationally recognized term for sex?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "good. 'cause i got to take a whiz.", "y": "okay, you and me, that's insane. if you even thought about it for one second..."}, {"x": "but i have thought about it for three seconds, and it makes a lot of sense. we both think the marriage commitment thing's a drag. we both want something casual and fun. and we clearly get along really well.", "y": "wow, that actually did make a lot of sense. but what about ted?"}, {"x": "totally gave us his blessing.", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "really.", "y": "so ted didn't care that you wanted to make a move on me?"}, {"x": "didn't care at all. oh. oh...", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "you like ted.", "y": "i didn't say i liked ted."}, {"x": "you like ted. wow. this is huge.", "y": "barney, i don't like ted. he's moved on, and i'm really happy for..."}, {"x": "yeah, yeah. look, are we gonna play battleship or what?", "y": "you're not gonna tell him, are you?"}, {"x": "no. that's the bro code. a bro doesn't tell a mutual bro that a third bro has a crush on him. just like the third bro doesn't tell the mutual bro that the original bro went bare pickle in front of her. it's quid pro bro.", "y": "a-7."}, {"x": "miss.", "y": "of course."}, {"x": "it's called \"marsh-gammon.\" it combines all the best features of all the best games... candy land, i never, pictionary.", "y": "backgammon, obviously."}, {"x": "i'm so excited victoria's coming.", "y": "i'm going to go get another round."}, {"x": "i should go help robin.", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "hey. so, are you going to be okay hanging out with victoria tonight?", "y": "oh, sure. she's great. oh, what? because of the whole thing where i said i liked ted? no. victoria's great. she's fun, she's free-spirited, she's great. i said, \"she's great\" too many times, didn't i?"}, {"x": "okay, uh, well, boyfriends--i guess i've only had... two.", "y": "prude alert."}, {"x": "well... that's serious boyfriends. i've dated other guys in between.", "y": "oh, slut alert!"}, {"x": "hey, guys, what up?", "y": "barney, where have you been?"}, {"x": "suits. five weeks later, we were all set to leave for the peace corps. only problem was... she never showed up.", "y": "she never showed?"}, {"x": "i was winning?", "y": "fine. i'll go next."}, {"x": "ooh, floor's cold. grab that afghan your mom made.", "y": "the whole time?"}, {"x": "the story's not over. i did see shannon one more time.", "y": "when?"}, {"x": "to the cab.", "y": "hello? is someone out there?"}, {"x": "i thought you were vomit-free since '93. so that was a lie?", "y": "you re-returned for me. that's really sweet. though you kind of ruined my customized scherbotsky doormat."}, {"x": "sorry.", "y": "it's okay."}, {"x": "hey. i'm on my way to meet ted. it's our two monthiversary, so we're going out to dinner.", "y": "great! well, that answers all the questions i didn't ask."}, {"x": "robin!", "y": "oh, come on. we bust on each other. we're just at that place in our strong friendship."}, {"x": "really? oh.", "y": "get off me. oh, see? i did it again."}, {"x": "yeah. huh. i should take this. hello.", "y": "hey, i thought it was going to be just us tomorrow. what's with inviting punky brewster?"}, {"x": "robin, you've got to get over this ted and victoria thing. you had your chance, and now he's moved on. can't you just be happy for them?", "y": "the best i can give you is a fake smile and dead eyes."}, {"x": "nothing too huge or-or poofy. i'm not really a girlie girl. but i would like to look like a beautiful princess.", "y": "i saw a couple up front that were nice."}, {"x": "at least we get free champagne!", "y": "and cake."}, {"x": "mm-hmm.", "y": "speaking of which, victoria, have you decided what to do about your doughnut fellowship?"}, {"x": "i know it sounds lame, but i actually think that ted might be the one. that's pretty hard to walk away from.", "y": "well, i don't know. i'd feel a little stepford turning down a huge opportunity to chase some guy i'd only known two months."}, {"x": "but this isn't just some guy. this is ted. he's amazing. he's the best guy i know.", "y": "yeah, in america, but german guys? whew! i would let them bread my schnitzel any day, if you know what i mean."}, {"x": "i really don't...", "y": "sex. oh, excuse me, ma'am. this bastard's kicked."}, {"x": "just horrible.", "y": "it's bad, it's really bad. short in front, long in the back? that is the mullet of wedding dresses."}, {"x": "cats. hated the musical, love the animal.", "y": "a cat person. why am i not surprised?"}, {"x": "i did hear barking in the background. maybe he was in a pet store. does he want us to get a cat together?", "y": "maybe he's using an adorable kitty to guilt you into staying."}, {"x": "that is low. do you really think that's what he's doing?", "y": "oh, i wouldn't even wait to find out. i would be on the next plane to germany."}, {"x": "oh, god, you guys are sucky liars.", "y": "ugly, ugly, ugly."}, {"x": "are you okay?", "y": "i'm fine."}, {"x": "okay. just kind of seemed like you're trying to hustle victoria out of the country.", "y": "i'm not, i'm just trying to support her. she got a super-important dessert scholarship."}, {"x": "oh, look how happy she is. you know, i've always thought of myself as one of those independent women who would never let any guy mess with my career. and now i'm actually thinking about it. i feel guilty, like it's un-feminist or something.", "y": "i know what you mean."}, {"x": "see, that's what i'm afraid of.", "y": "choosing ted over your career doesn't make you un-feminist. maybe it just means that you guys would be happy together."}, {"x": "robin... i think that you are the coolest. i'm so glad that we're friends.", "y": "oh, no way... you're the coolest."}, {"x": "no, you are.", "y": "okay, i am."}, {"x": "oh, i am so beautiful! oh, don't tell me how much it costs. just snap my neck now, so i can die this pretty.", "y": "wow, you look incredible."}, {"x": "oh. okay, okay, how much is it, on a scale of never to never ever?", "y": "never ever, ever, ever, ever... times infinity."}, {"x": "well, it's okay. you know, what makes a bride beautiful is that she's just happy to be getting married. oh, guys, i know i look amazing, but the important thing is that marshall and i love each other, right?", "y": "yes, you're right. but also... you just sat down in the cake."}, {"x": "but, you know what? it's going to come out because it's only... chocolate and raspberry.", "y": "okay. come on, get up, let us see how bad it is."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "lily, you have to tell him. that dress cost a fortune."}, {"x": "no, i'm just gonna wait for the next time marshall really screws up, and then, i'll just slip this in, and it won't seem so bad by comparison.", "y": "well, here's hoping he cheats on you."}, {"x": "sure you don't want one?", "y": "how many of those have you eaten?"}, {"x": "why did i say that? i think frosting makes me lie.", "y": "oh, teddy boy."}, {"x": "yeah. so now, whatever i send her, she'll know i sent it after i talked to her. so that's the problem. you work on that. i'm gonna eat this cupcake.", "y": "all right, here's what you do put together a care package of stuff from new york-- some h&h bagels, an empire state building keychain... and then, top off the package with a new york times... ready? from three days ago."}, {"x": "that's brilliant. you're brilliant. you know, it's funny, not so long ago, i was coming to marshall and lily for advice on how to impress you.", "y": "that is funny."}, {"x": "now it's ironic, the girl i used to like is helping me impress the girl i now like.", "y": "the irony is clear, ted."}, {"x": "okay. but will you be happy knowing you could have made her a lot happier.", "y": "so, did she get the awesome care package yet?"}, {"x": "yep. yesterday.", "y": "did she love it?"}, {"x": "ooh, she loved it.", "y": "so what's the problem?"}, {"x": "so i was talking to her last night. and, i should tell you, we've been talking on the phone every other night for, like, an hour and a half. eventually you just run out of stuff to say.", "y": "oh, teddy boy."}, {"x": "i'm usually so good at being a boyfriend, but this never-seeing-each-other thing, it's a bitch. maybe it just can't be do. i think it's clear what i have to do.", "y": "it's pretty clear."}, {"x": "i have to go to germany and surprise her.", "y": "totally what i was thinking. get out of my head, man!"}, {"x": "so she's going to dump me. has anyone ever said, \"listen, i've been thinking,\" and then follow it up with something good? it's not like listen, i've been thinking, nutter-butters are an underrated cookie. what else can it be? what could she possibly have to say to me that she couldn't write in an e-mail?", "y": "i cut off all my fingers? ted, you're a great guy. i know it, you know it, she knows it. i would bet you a gazillion dollars-- no, i'm even more confident. i would bet you a floppity jillion dollars that she's not calling to break up with you."}, {"x": "thanks. you're right. i'm being crazy. so i should still buy that plane ticket, right?", "y": "i'd wait."}, {"x": "your package has always been big enough. you may not realize this, marshall eriksen, but you've got a huge package.", "y": "hello."}, {"x": "why hasn't she called yet?", "y": "okay, you're making yourself crazy. it's saturday night. go out and do something."}, {"x": "no, what's the point of going out? i got a girlfriend... for now. besides, if i go out, who's going to watch the news? i'm, like, half your viewership.", "y": "i'm flattered you think we have two viewers. she's not going to break up with you, ted. you're awesome."}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "\"this long-distance thing sucks, huh? and i really need to talk to you tonight.\""}, {"x": "she's going to dump me!", "y": "she's not going to break up with you, ted."}, {"x": "hello?", "y": "do you want to come over?"}, {"x": "hello.", "y": "hi, ted, it's robin. um, listen, i know it's late, but do you want to come over?"}, {"x": "marshall was here yesterday. they just learned the word \"fianc\u00e9.\"", "y": "oh, no, i don't have a fianc\u00e9."}, {"x": "then who do you live with?", "y": "well, actually, i've got five dogs."}, {"x": "don't you get lonely?", "y": "no, i've got five dogs."}, {"x": "my grandma has five cats and she gets lonely.", "y": "well, yeah, that's cats. i'm not some pathetic cat lady. not that your grandmother is..."}, {"x": "are you a lesbian?", "y": "no. are you? just because a woman lives alone doesn't mean she's a les..."}, {"x": "so, robin, you ever report on train wrecks? 'cause i just saw one. what up? tiny five.", "y": "ha-ha. laugh now, those kids are monsters. they're going to eat you alive."}, {"x": "no. i know what you want. magic.", "y": "hello."}, {"x": "why hasn't she called yet?", "y": "okay, you're making yourself crazy. it's saturday night. go out and do something."}, {"x": "what's the point of going out? i got a girlfriend... for now. besides, if i go out, who's going to watch the news? i'm, like, half your viewership.", "y": "i'm flattered you think we have two viewers."}, {"x": "so, scherbotsky, got a boyfriend?", "y": "no, and why does this keep coming up today?"}, {"x": "oh, i just thought that guy you were on the phone with...", "y": "what? oh, no, that was ted. he's just a friend. i mean, there was this moment where we almost dated, but we want completely different things. anyway, now he has this girlfriend in germany and he thinks she's calling to dump him tonight, but i don't think she is. and besides, we want completely different things."}, {"x": "we should have sex.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "why not? we're both available, we're both attractive, we're both good at it. at least, i'm good at it. and even if you're not, don't worry, i'll have a good time either way.", "y": "well, moving past the horrifying image of your hair helmet clanging against the headboard, don't get involved with people i work with."}, {"x": "home number. call me anytime. a lot of local teens in action tonight...", "y": "hey, guys. miss me? i missed you, too. hi, ted, it's robin. um, listen, i know it's late, but do you want to come over? ted?"}, {"x": "uh, yeah... uh, hi, i'm here.", "y": "do you want to come over?"}, {"x": "why? what's up?", "y": "well, um, i just finally set up my new juicer and i was going to make some juice, and i was, like, \"you know who likes juice? ted.\""}, {"x": "i love juice.", "y": "great. so you want to come over and make juice?"}, {"x": "okay, sure. i'll come over. we'll... juice.", "y": "yes, we'll juice."}, {"x": "okay.", "y": "okay... bye."}, {"x": "you know, if you had just called me, i...", "y": "hi."}, {"x": "hi. um, i got some vegetables. i got carrots, i got beets.", "y": "or we could just drink wine."}, {"x": "wine... not? well, that's the stupidest thing i've ever said.", "y": "thanks."}, {"x": "make it a big glass.", "y": "sure."}, {"x": "so, how's it hanging?", "y": "have you ever had one of those days where nothing at all that monumental happens but by the end of it you have no idea who you are anymore or what the hell you're doing with your life? do you ever have one of those days?"}, {"x": "uh, about once a week.", "y": "i don't know, it was just a, a rough day and the only person i wanted to see at the end of it was you. so... um... how was the big phone call with your girlfriend?"}, {"x": "we broke up.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "yeah. yeah, she finally called. we talked for a while-- how hard long distance is-- and then... she dumped me.", "y": "oh, ted, i'm so sorry. that's just terrible. i feel awful."}, {"x": "you're smiling.", "y": "am i? no i'm not. i'm a news anchor. smiling's a part of the job. thousands d*ed in a tragic avalanche today. see? you're smiling, too."}, {"x": "so, um... hey. i got a new phone. same as yours. look.", "y": "oh, yeah. do you like it?"}, {"x": "yeah. yeah. this is some solid small talk. i had that other phone, and it was good, but i think the whole time a little part of me wanted this phone instead. this phone... um... feels right.", "y": "wow. weird."}, {"x": "yeah. uh, i should probably take this.", "y": "i'll be here."}, {"x": "okay. i'm coming home. i'll see you soon.", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "i should probably get going. it's pretty late. i'm sorry. i...", "y": "oh. oh, no. i understand. it's fine. yeah."}, {"x": "can i call you tomorrow?", "y": "totally. totally. call me tomorrow."}, {"x": "okay. good night, robin.", "y": "good night, ted."}, {"x": "right.", "y": "this is crazy."}, {"x": "right? right?", "y": "should we go to my room? i mean, there's five dogs in there, but..."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "yeah?"}, {"x": "yeah. i just, um... i have to run to the bathroom real quick.", "y": "okay."}, {"x": "trust that impulse, ted.", "y": "hey. something kind of cool just happened. my story on pickles, the singing dog, just got nominated for a local area media award."}, {"x": "a... lame-a?", "y": "we prefer local area media award. um... there's going to be this big banquet. i know these things aren't much fun, but it would really mean a lot to me if you guys came. and there's an open bar."}, {"x": "yeah, put me down for two.", "y": "really? it's three months away."}, {"x": "i said good day!", "y": "so should i wear my hair up or down? lily."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "you okay?"}, {"x": "oh, yeah, sorry. i'm just exhausted from work. the stupid school board took away nap time in all kindergarten classes and now the kids are just going crazy by the end of the day. it's much harder to deal with because, well, i don't get my nap.", "y": "wait, you were taking naps when the kids were? is that safe?"}, {"x": "well, they're only five. what are they gonna do to me?", "y": "ted's still coming to this thing, right?"}, {"x": "yep.", "y": "do you think, um... hypothetically... it would be weird if i bring a date?"}, {"x": "look at you, scherbotsky, blatantly trying to make ted jealous.", "y": "no, it's just this guy at the station. i never get involved with co-workers, but he asked me and i said yes. is it going to be weird?"}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "hi."}, {"x": "you look nice.", "y": "oh, um, ted, this is sandy."}, {"x": "exactly. thank you, mary.", "y": "so, mary, what do you do for a living?"}, {"x": "yes, i'm a paralegal.", "y": "oh, so, mary the paralegal. what does a paralegal do exactly?"}, {"x": "you're welcome.", "y": "mary, ted is a great guy. you hold on to him. don't let him out of your sight for a minute."}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "hey. mary seems nice. have you kissed her yet, or are you waiting until you're in a serious relationship with someone else?"}, {"x": "i, uh... i wanted to apologize for everything that happened.", "y": "and just like that, it's all okay. roll credits."}, {"x": "so you're going to be mad at me forever? what, we're not even friends now?", "y": "we're still friends."}, {"x": "are we? you don't return my calls, we never hang out and now you're trying to make my jealous by waving edward r. moron in my face?", "y": "oh, and paralegally blonde isn't here in her low-cut dress to make me jealous?"}, {"x": "oh, so now she's a whore?", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "scooter \"bam-bam\" branson for a bicycle-- joyride or deathtrap? mike murphy for 13, pregnant and addicted. and robin scherbotsky for pickles, the singing dog. and the winner is... robin scherbotsky.", "y": "thanks. oh, wow. this is really a surprise. um, you know it's nice to be able to share this award with my friends. they're all here tonight. marshall, lily, sandy rivers... barney... and that's it. those are all my friends. thank you."}, {"x": "congratulations.", "y": "oh, thanks. um, sandy, do you want to get a cab?"}, {"x": "yeah. thanks. well... good night.", "y": "good night."}, {"x": "wow, so they're...? robin, where's sandy rivers?", "y": "i put him in a cab."}, {"x": "so you and he aren't...?", "y": "i don't date people i work with. i was just trying to make ted jealous. is he...?"}, {"x": "he's off trying to make you jealous.", "y": "oh, well, good for them. and, you know, if ted likes her, she's probably pretty cool."}, {"x": "mary's a prost*tute?", "y": "what?!"}, {"x": "we were having a conversation about prostitution, and then barney calls her up and then she shows up at the bar and now she and ted are upstairs.", "y": "okay, seriously, what is going on with ted lately? is he having a nervous breakdown?"}, {"x": "it is on. it is on! like the former soviet republic of azerbaijan.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "wow! you guys are getting married in two months.", "y": "how are you going to get everything done?"}, {"x": "was it...?", "y": "it was your girlfriend. you might want to call her back."}, {"x": "no, barney.", "y": "i'll go with you."}, {"x": "really?", "y": "yeah. i never got to go to my prom. we always had field hockey nationals in the spring."}, {"x": "lesbian.", "y": "the cough is supposed to cover the \"lesbian.\""}, {"x": "hey, why don't we all go?", "y": "i don't know-- more people might be harder to sneak in. we don't want to mess things up for lily."}, {"x": "well, we have to get in. i have to see this band, 'cause we have to make a decision by monday, 'cause i'm getting married in 71 days, and we still don't have...", "y": "shh. sweetie, just focus on one thing at a time, okay? right now, you just have to dress like a whore and that's it."}, {"x": "that's the spirit. now, ladies, slut up!", "y": "i never thought this would be a bad thing, but my wardrobe just isn't slutty enough."}, {"x": "i didn't know i still had this.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "nice. you ladies look good, but your outfits are missing just one thing.", "y": "no, barney, this is as far as we're going to go. i'm not showing anymore..."}, {"x": "oh, robin, are you tearing up?", "y": "no. i've never been to prom before, okay?"}, {"x": "wow, a lot more security than when we were kids.", "y": "is this gonna work?"}, {"x": "it's cool. time to activate plan b. scherbotsky, how comfortable are you with a crossbow? scherbotsky?", "y": "hey, guys. do you want to take two hot girls to prom?"}, {"x": "we don't have that kind of money.", "y": "for free."}, {"x": "oh, hell yeah!", "y": "great. i'm robin, this is my friend lily."}, {"x": "sure. i knew it would happen. this is the dream.", "y": "oh, hey, wait. how's barney getting in?"}, {"x": "hey, uh, you ladies want something to take the edge off?", "y": "yeah, what the hell? it's prom. that tastes like cough syrup."}, {"x": "yeah, we couldn't get any alcohol. um, our fake ids say we're only 20. we didn't realize it till after we bought them.", "y": "nerds who aren't good at math? life's going to be rough, boys."}, {"x": "so, you buzzing, baby?", "y": "my phlegm feels looser."}, {"x": "okay, ted. hello.", "y": "hey, it's robin. um, lily needs you to download the sheet music for \"good feeling\" and bring it out here, like, now."}, {"x": "wait! don't ask! that's so lame! i don't even want to go anyway.", "y": "uh, i don't know. things have been so weird between us."}, {"x": "what'd she say? what'd she say?", "y": "he lied and told me he broke up with his girlfriend to try to hook up with me. i mean, i know he apologized for it but it's just, it's not easy to forgive. look, if you absolutely must bring ted, it's, it's not like i'm going to claw my own eyes out if he comes."}, {"x": "okay, bye. she totally wants you to come.", "y": "all right, sheet music's on the way. are you okay?"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "well, we did promise them one dance."}, {"x": "so, uh, what's the deal here? am i getting lucky tonight?", "y": "oh, sean, look, um, you're a nice guy, but i just don't... no, you're not getting lucky tonight."}, {"x": "i can't believe i unloaded like that on a high school senior.", "y": "i can't believe a high school senior unloaded like that on me. i'm going to ask you something and, um, maybe it's crazy 'cause you guys are the cutest couple ever. but, um, are you having second thoughts?"}, {"x": "i didn't have any of the experiences i set out to. the travel, the bohemian art life, my big lesbian experience. i didn't do any of it.", "y": "lily, you're marrying your best friend in the world. i mean, isn't that worth all the other experiences combined?"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "and look, you can still travel, i mean, you can still paint. and as far as your lesbian experience... happy?"}, {"x": "yeah. so field hockey, huh?", "y": "shut up."}, {"x": "all right, so, barney, are you doing this or what?", "y": "oh, geez, barney, don't do this."}, {"x": "shh! shh! just don't move. don't move. just try... here, have some water. water! here, drink this. shh! shh!", "y": "you know, the more i watch this, the less convinced i am that it's the greatest pickup line of all time."}, {"x": "nope. i hit the snooze button.", "y": "and here come the paramedics."}, {"x": "i cannot believe that she gave him her number.", "y": "maybe she really does have a brain injury."}, {"x": "it's not like i have a list.", "y": "oh, yes, you do."}, {"x": "horrible.", "y": "need a ride, cowboy?"}, {"x": "sorry. i don't get in vans with strangers.", "y": "hmm, too bad. i got candy."}, {"x": "candy?!", "y": "so you're not going to tell me what you were doing by the side of a highway in duchess county?"}, {"x": "nope. sworn to secrecy.", "y": "oh, come on."}, {"x": "i like your hat.", "y": "right. this is embarrassing. i got highlights."}, {"x": "oh, for the waiting room of your dental practice? highlights is a children's magazine.", "y": "yeah, i got it. i thought it might look cool. of course my colorist took \"highlights\" to mean, \"i want to look like a tiger,\" hence the hat."}, {"x": "oh. i gotta see this.", "y": "no way."}, {"x": "please. i bet it doesn't look that bad. i bet it looks grr-eat!", "y": "so, she says, changing the subject. big date tonight. how does she rate on the mosby checklist?"}, {"x": "kind of amazingly. uh, she's 28, like me.", "y": "wow, i'm 28. hmm."}, {"x": "uh, college educated-- check. plays tennis-- check. uh, favorite book is love in the time of cholera-- check.", "y": "i read that. more like \"love in the time of don't bothera.\""}, {"x": "you know, it's very rude to wear a hat indoors. i'm just saying.", "y": "we're not indoors. we're in a van."}, {"x": "vans have doors-- let me see your hair.", "y": "never. what else?"}, {"x": "she loves lasagna.", "y": "barf."}, {"x": "you know, i am sensing a pattern here.", "y": "what else?"}, {"x": "let's see what else... oh, she doesn't look like a tiger-- check.", "y": "and she's looking to get married and have kids?"}, {"x": "check and check. she wants two kids... a boy and a girl.", "y": "wow. you know, i've been thinking about this. i think i want to have zero kids."}, {"x": "really? you don't want kids?", "y": "you know, ted, not everyone is as much of a woman as you. hey. i'm driving. look at that. 856. you're early."}, {"x": "hey, thanks for picking me up.", "y": "good luck on your date. i hope she's everything you're looking for."}, {"x": "thanks.", "y": "all right, you've clearly had a rough night. i want you to go in there with a smile on your face, so, uh, here's what i'm going to do."}, {"x": "you're going to show me your hair?", "y": "actually, i was going to show you my breasts, but... sure, we can do hair."}, {"x": "you just made my night.", "y": "go."}, {"x": "and so tropical storm willy is going to be with us at least until monday. it's gonna rain cats and dogs, folks. so don't step in a poodle. sandy? robin?", "y": "thanks, lou. boy, too bad. our big metro news one camping trip was going to be this weekend."}, {"x": "yeah, but camping out in the rain? no fun. muddy. yuck.", "y": "guess we'll have to take a rain check."}, {"x": "and we'll check in with you tomorrow, new york.", "y": "have a great night."}, {"x": "bummer. i was hoping to finally have sex with you this weekend, scherbotsky.", "y": "well, i'd give you the \"i don't date coworkers\" speech again, but, god, you must have that sum'bitch memorized by now."}, {"x": "enough with the... we'll go get pizza later, all right? just...", "y": "damn it."}, {"x": "hello.", "y": "hey, lily, i'm locked out of my apartment. i need to come pick up my extra key."}, {"x": "extra key? do i have an extra key to your apartment?", "y": "yes, i gave it to you."}, {"x": "oh, right. that key. yeah, i lost it.", "y": "great, now i gotta go to the locksmith."}, {"x": "no, wait, uh... maybe you should just knock.", "y": "knock? lily, my dogs aren't that well trained."}, {"x": "summer fellowship?", "y": "just knock. okay."}, {"x": "hi.", "y": "hi."}, {"x": "robin... i've sort of said this already. i mean i've half said it. i've tried to say it, and i've said it badly. so this is me, just saying it. with strings. i'm crazy about you. i think we should be together. what do you say? what do you say?", "y": "yes. no. i don't know."}, {"x": "those are the three options.", "y": "ted, this is so..."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "i mean, i come home, i was going to watch jeopardy and there's a string quartet and... i have to pee."}, {"x": "sure. we're not getting any pizza.", "y": "okay. let's talk."}, {"x": "okay. oh, hey, you guys want to take five?", "y": "thanks, guys. just need a minute. sort of a big life decision. love the blue instruments, though. kind of an inside joke. thanks. you're crazy."}, {"x": "right. come on.", "y": "it's not that i haven't thought about this. you know that i have, but let's look at this, okay? we only just started being friends again."}, {"x": "i know. but... come on...", "y": "and we want different things. that's still there. that's not going away. i mean, what if we do this and it doesn't work out and i'd lose you as a friend? i gotta think about this."}, {"x": "okay, fine. think about it on the plane. let's go to paris for the weekend. i'm serious. i'm kidding. i'm serious.", "y": "i can't go to paris, i'm going camping."}, {"x": "i thought that thing was canceled.", "y": "well, it's back on."}, {"x": "since when?", "y": "since like an hour ago."}, {"x": "and we're clear.", "y": "you're leaving?"}, {"x": "there. i quit my job. we're not coworkers. will you please have dinner with me? i'm joking. i got offered a job at cnn.", "y": "oh, congratulations."}, {"x": "congratulations yourself.", "y": "what do you mean?"}, {"x": "well, joel asked me who i thought should replace me as lead anchor. i told him you. they're announcing it next week. act surprised.", "y": "wow. thanks. and, yes."}, {"x": "yes, what?", "y": "yes, let's go get dinner."}, {"x": "oh, you're kidding me. no way. don't go on this thing.", "y": "ted, i have to go. it's a company camping trip."}, {"x": "really? because it also kinda sounds like a date. with sandy... and his weenie. i mean is this not a date?", "y": "i don't-i don't know."}, {"x": "so, what? you actually like this guy now?", "y": "i don't know."}, {"x": "are you gonna hook up with him?", "y": "i don't know."}, {"x": "yes, you do.", "y": "no, ted, i don't. and you know what? that's okay. i don't plan out every second of my life like you do."}, {"x": "i don't plan out every...", "y": "oh, really? what is all of this? i mean, why can't you just say, \"hey, robin, let's go get some sushi?\" no, it has to be a-a string quartet and-and paris and flowers and chocolates and let's spend the rest of our lives together."}, {"x": "don't you think we're a little bit past sushi at this point? god, you are so terrified of anything real. it's like you're floating out in space. touch the ground, robin. live in the world, make a mistake. make this mistake.", "y": "i need to think about this."}, {"x": "fine.", "y": "no, i'm sorry, i... i can't do this anymore. i need an answer."}, {"x": "if you want me to say yes right now, i-i can't do that.", "y": "well, if it's not yes, then it's a no."}, {"x": "there's so much of your mom in you.", "y": "and she's been throwing up ever since."}, {"x": "so how'd she manage to eat so much chocolate?", "y": "remember that guy, ted, that i was telling you about? well, i came home and i found him waiting in my apartment with a string quartet and roses and chocolates..."}, {"x": "oh, that's so sweet.", "y": "okay, yes, it's sweet in theory, but isn't it also kind of crazy? i mean, a string quartet in my living room... who does that?"}, {"x": "nobody does that.", "y": "exactly."}, {"x": "you're a good friend ted.", "y": "hey! so, did you hear the big news?"}, {"x": "you mean how lily and marshall broke up and lily is gone and nothing else even remotely important happened last night? yeah, i think he knows.", "y": "oh my god! i... i'm so sorry. what happened?"}, {"x": "it's only been a month. he just needs to goat his own pace. anyway, lily is the one who caused this whole mess.", "y": "hey, cut her some slack! she's our friend too. she's just trying to figure out who she is."}, {"x": "figure out who she is? she should call me. i got a whole list. she's selfish, she's immature, she's...", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "god, your eyes are so blue.", "y": "teddy bear..."}, {"x": "so, i find her shampoo. i guess she left it here. it smells like her. like lavender and seashells. hope. somehow erotic and comforting all at the same time.", "y": "that's my shampoo."}, {"x": "oh. sorry.", "y": "i thought he's never go to sleep."}, {"x": "uh-oh.", "y": "already?"}, {"x": "he's calling her. dammit!", "y": "i don't hear anyth...ted he's calling her! argh!"}, {"x": "well, i called her. and get this, she changed her number. well like i'm gonna stalk her or something? like she's so special?! like she's the only lily aldrin out there? 'cause there are four others in the san francisco area alone, and they all seem a lot better than her, based on the brief conversations i had with them!", "y": "does he know i'm in here?"}, {"x": "yeah. hey robin. anyway, one of the lily adrins...", "y": "this has to stop! ted, we just started dating. we agreed we don't wanna move too fast and yet somehow we have a baby. he can't feed himself, he cries a lot, he keeps us up all night..."}, {"x": "they were together nine years. it's only been a month and a half. he just needs to go his own pace.", "y": "he slept on our floor last night ted."}, {"x": "he watched a scary movie.", "y": "it is time for some tough love. we need to get him out of that apartment. he needs fresh air. he needs sunshine."}, {"x": "we've tried everything. baseball, strippers. the guy still won't eat a damn pancake. i think he's beyond repair.", "y": "see, this is the problem with guys, you don't know how to deal with heartbreak."}, {"x": "so what's your prescription, dr oestrogen? eat h\u00e4agen-dazs and watch love actually until your periods sync up?", "y": "yeah, that's the stuff."}, {"x": "oh my god! how long have you been doing this?", "y": "my dad taught me to sh**t when i was a kid. now, whenever i'm feeling lonely or depressed, i come here and it reminds me that... g*ns are fun!"}, {"x": "only hell, yes. oh yeah, yeah. this is what i needed. i felt so powerless this whole time but this... this is power, this is...", "y": "i should have mention the recoil."}, {"x": "i'll hand it to you. when he got home, marshall was smiling. did you sleep with him? 'cause i was actually like three days away from suggesting that.", "y": "sometimes, all you need is to get in touch with your feminine side."}, {"x": "well, congratulations. you're the first person to cheer him up all summer. you win.", "y": "oh! what do i win?"}, {"x": "i'll tell what you win. i'm taking you away this weekend.", "y": "you are? that's so nice!"}, {"x": "my aunt and uncle have a beach house at montauk. it's really romantic. my uncle had, like, three affairs there.", "y": "wow, it must be a nice house. i saw pictures of your uncle. this is so great. we'll finally get some time alone. are you sure marshall is gonna be ok with this?"}, {"x": "that's the craziest thing i've ever heard.", "y": "yeah. why are you afraid of ferrets, they are adorable."}, {"x": "there is a charge from earlier today. the kellet hotel, on fifth. i don't believe this. lily is back in new-york. i can't believe this. lily's in new-york? i guess i'd been thinking when she got back she's call me. that's the only reason i've been able to hold it together so far this summer.", "y": "this has been holding in together?"}, {"x": "ok, i'll do it! stop being a couple.", "y": "marshall!"}, {"x": "i have to go down there and i have to tell her i love her. i have to beg to take me back even if i have to tell on my knees.", "y": "marshall, you can't do that!"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "i didn't say a thing."}, {"x": "you think i was too hard on him.", "y": "i didn't say a thing."}, {"x": "i can't believe you're accusing me to be too hard on him. you're the one who said tough love.", "y": "yeah, tough love, not hand the guy a noose."}, {"x": "oh, but it's ok to hand him a 9 mm? yeah. he told me. so you're a g*n nut?", "y": "no, i'm a g*n enthusiast."}, {"x": "do you know how many people are k*lled...", "y": "the second amendment protects my right to bear arms..."}, {"x": "alright, alright. i was too hard on him.", "y": "a little."}, {"x": "barney![end of the phone call]", "y": "is there a hot tube at your uncle's place?"}, {"x": "ted, what is wrong with you?", "y": "he checked out my ass? hey, tell him thanks. i felt like i was having a bad ass day. cool. see ya."}, {"x": "it is a great ass.", "y": "your hair is adorable!"}, {"x": "dammit that's intriguing! ok, i'm in.", "y": "you've gotta hear this."}, {"x": "you will not believe what just happened.", "y": "you go first."}, {"x": "i find a 1939 penny on the subway. just imagine the history this little copper guy's seen...", "y": "lily is back in town."}, {"x": "and you let me go first?! have you seen her?", "y": "uh, yeah. i actually went apartment hunting with her today."}, {"x": "how is she doing?", "y": "you're not gonna like it."}, {"x": "oh, she's such a... godda... god! after what she did to marshall, she should come back here devastated. crawling over the broken glass of her own shame and regret.", "y": "you never chose sides. i respect that."}, {"x": "uh, listen marshall...", "y": "ted found a penny on the subway and it's old and that's interesting."}, {"x": "ok, first of all, that is interesting. second, we have to tell him.", "y": "no, we don't. he's just starting to get better. going out with barney. how do you think he'll feel when he hears lily's moved on?"}, {"x": "she's moved on?", "y": "well, it happens. i've fallen out of love faster than that before. sometimes, boom, with no warning whatsoever. one day we're in love, the next day, he's dead to me. but we're great! honey?"}, {"x": "it is so great to see you ted. ah! i'm gonna get the key for the lockbox.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "she's miserable. she's realized she's made a huge mistake. her and marshall will be back together in a week, i love it!", "y": "no, you just want lily to be miserable. the truth is she's happy."}, {"x": "trust me. i've known lily for nine years.", "y": "trust me, i'm a girl!"}, {"x": "yeah. but you're canadian.", "y": "why do you always have to bring that up?"}, {"x": "you're our weird neighbors!", "y": "you bring it up every time..."}, {"x": "no, alright. five bucks says she still wants marshall.", "y": "you're on."}, {"x": "five american bucks.", "y": "dammit! ok, so how do we get the truth out of her?"}, {"x": "interesting. wow lily, you, uh, seem to be having a pretty strong reaction to losing this apartment. i wonder is it because it reminds you of something you lost because you couldn't commit?", "y": "no, lily you're crying over the crown moulding and the real hardwood floor. there's no deeper meaning, right lily? just quit crying and tell him."}, {"x": "surprise me.", "y": "i'd take you with gravy if my boyfriend wasn't sitting right here! just kidding. i'm good."}, {"x": "she's still drunk from last night.", "y": "i don't think so! whoo!"}, {"x": "i was dying to ask. i was just trying to play it cool. but really...", "y": "but it's good, i mean work's great..."}, {"x": "maybe. no! this is... ooww... hold on. look. if you're gonna go back to him, i don't wanna hear the word \"maybe\". \"maybe\" cannot be in your vocabulary. this break-up almost k*lled him. and he cannot go through it again. so, unless you're absolutely certain, stay the hell away from him.", "y": "this guy like pennies!"}, {"x": "no, i mean i'm seriously going to k*ll him.", "y": "i don't care how unpleasant it is. you have to talk to him."}, {"x": "not now.", "y": "okay, if you don't, i will."}, {"x": "hey, marshall.", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "how could your parents not know about me? i'm delightful.", "y": "to us, sure, in very small, infrequent doses. i mean, come on, you're not exactly the kind of friend parents want their kid to have."}, {"x": "hello.", "y": "hello."}, {"x": "a real looker.", "y": "that's funny, i didn't even \"look\" in the mirror today. that's not anything, is it? so, i made a reservation at san marino tonight for 800."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "how are we supposed to get a table at casa a pezzi? they're booked for weeks."}, {"x": "ironic because we both work at a homeless shelter where i serve the food. where do you volunteer, robin?", "y": "what's the matter with you? i'm his girlfriend, and i'm not even trying that hard. way to wreck the curve, kiss-ass."}, {"x": "anyone up for a drink at maclaren's?", "y": "no, i'm kind of tired."}, {"x": "oh, you are just terrific. isn't he, susan?", "y": "robin."}, {"x": "smile!", "y": "i don't care how unpleasant it is. you have to talk to him."}, {"x": "not now.", "y": "okay, if you don't, i will."}, {"x": "one last thing about my mom. she grills every single one of my girlfriends about when we're gonna get married and have kids.", "y": "but this is the first time she's meeting me."}, {"x": "doesn't matter. and you'll know it's coming when she mentions my cousin stacy six kids in five years. the woman's basically a ride at a water park.", "y": "but i don't want to get married and have kids. what am i supposed to say?"}, {"x": "you know what? you're an adult with perfectly valid opinions. you shouldn't have to apologize for them.", "y": "i'm gonna lie."}, {"x": "so, dear...", "y": "oh, boy."}, {"x": "tell us what it's like being a journalist.", "y": "i'm just not ready."}, {"x": "okay. no pressure.", "y": "oh. uh, i thought you, um... it's great."}, {"x": "you lucked out with my mom last night, huh? what a relief, right?", "y": "oh, absolutely. whew, what a relief it is to know i'm the one girlfriend your mom doesn't want you to have kids with."}, {"x": "hooray?", "y": "i mean, did she really think that your college girlfriend cheryl would pop out attractive children? 'cause i've seen pictures, and, i'm sorry, that girl had a brow ridge like a caveman."}, {"x": "so you and ted had your first fight. it obviously ended well. i mean, you're here with me.", "y": "actually, it didn't end at all. i started getting bummed out, so i came here. it's what i do. when my grandma d*ed, i got a perm."}, {"x": "ooh, two tragedies in one day.", "y": "the thing is, ted has been literally complaining about work nonstop for weeks. so, when i came over today, i was kind of done."}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "how was your day?", "y": "good."}, {"x": "wow, you're a great interviewer. aren't you gonna ask how my day was?", "y": "no, i know how it was. it was awful. ooh, you want to rent a movie tonight?"}, {"x": "you know, um... i listen to your work stories all the time.", "y": "yeah, but... and i don't want to be rude here, but my work stories are interesting. i'm a television news reporter."}, {"x": "robin!", "y": "what? i knew exactly what he was going to say. i was just helping him get there faster."}, {"x": "you should work at a su1c1de hotline.", "y": "and then it got ugly."}, {"x": "so that's your go-to bad movie? the number one example on the tip of your tongue of a bad movie is field of dreams?", "y": "it's about ghost baseball players. i think it's stupid."}, {"x": "listening is the foundation of a relationship. and if he's really droning on, you can always practice saying the alphabet backwards. you know, in case you get pulled over for a dui.", "y": "i guess i don't know how to do that."}, {"x": "yeah, it's really hard, even when you're sober. that's what i tried to explain to the cop.", "y": "no, i mean, i guess i don't know how to do this girlfriend thing. i've never been in a relationship this serious before. i should probably go tell him i'm sorry, shouldn't i? you're trying to do it right now, aren't you?"}, {"x": "mm-hmm.", "y": "hey, carl, is ted still here?"}, {"x": "thanks.", "y": "i wonder where ted went."}, {"x": "ted mosby, the architect?", "y": "actually, yeah. oh, he is such a cool guy. he was here earlier."}, {"x": "he asked her to a party. oh, my god, are you okay?", "y": "okay? it's awesome. it's a win-win. ted got to vent and i don't have to hear it. maybe after he's done with the talkie-talk, he'll come over and i'll get the fun part."}, {"x": "what is wrong with you? god, i feel like i'm teaching love as a second language here. okay, you know how when he tells you boring work stories you're supposed to listen? well, when he picks up some random girl at a bar, you're supposed to freak out.", "y": "i'm not freaking out because in my mind, she's fat."}, {"x": "she's a kickboxing instructor. her ass looks better than my face.", "y": "all right, we'll swing by the party."}, {"x": "yo, what's up, ladies? welcome to the party. yeah! just need you to sign this release protecting the host from any and all responsibility should you harm yourself or a third party. then freakin' rage! yeah!", "y": "hey, drunk legal dude, um... have you seen marshall ericksen? he was with a guy named ted."}, {"x": "see? marshall's still hung up on our breakup. why? because i listened to him. it was a strong and nurturing relationship that i threw away like old gum.", "y": "not that i'm worried or anything, but, um, back to the sun rising over ted and, uh... oh, what tasteful way did you describe her?"}, {"x": "the girl with the smackable ass.", "y": "yes, that's the young lady."}, {"x": "let's go.", "y": "dancing? he went dancing with this girl? okay, maybe this is a little bad. dancing is bad. dancing leads to sex."}, {"x": "did you grow up in that footloose town?", "y": "i'm calling him. i'm telling him that i was wrong and i'm sorry, and i totally want to listen to his stupid stories."}, {"x": "yeah, think of another way to phrase that and you'll be fine.", "y": "he's not answering. calling marshall."}, {"x": "hello.", "y": "marshall, hi, it's robin. can i talk to ted?"}, {"x": "oh, robin, hi. um, no, ted's not here tonight. he's, uh... he's working.", "y": "uh, okay. bye. marshall just lied. ted's cheating on me."}, {"x": "then can i have the...? that's cool. you keep that.", "y": "so these guys... one of them's an architect."}, {"x": "ted mosby, the architect?", "y": "that's the one."}, {"x": "it is tonight. whoo!", "y": "you know this girl. where does she live?"}, {"x": "well, i'm out of money.", "y": "i'm cashed, too."}, {"x": "i'll take your purse.", "y": "my purse?"}, {"x": "yeah, my girl likes clutches.", "y": "okay, fine."}, {"x": "you should tell her that looks really good with a chocolate boot.", "y": "bitch is lucky i brought my small purse. no room for my g*n. here. now where does the rodeo slut live?"}, {"x": "oh, my god, robin, are you going to kick this girl's ass?", "y": "yeah... and steal her purse."}, {"x": "3-c, let's do this. you ready?", "y": "should i just kick the door in?"}, {"x": "those are really nice heels and you already lost the purse. let's see if it's unlocked. it's unlocked. okay, get in there and kick some spankable ass. robin?", "y": "i'm the problem."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "you were right. i don't know how to be a girlfriend. i took the nicest guy in the world and i made him a cheater."}, {"x": "well, don't stand out here and b*at yourself up. get in there and b*at ted up. i'll handle the slutty kickboxer. actually, i'll take ted.", "y": "let's do this."}, {"x": "bring it.", "y": "what do you think you're...? barney?"}, {"x": "thank god you're here. can you help with this? i need nails.", "y": "okay, i'm totally lost here. where's ted?"}, {"x": "ted? he's at work.", "y": "how did you get here?"}, {"x": "hey,is that a toilet in your kitchen?", "y": "or a stove in your bathroom?"}, {"x": "it's kind of a mess. i didn't make my bed this morning, so...", "y": "oh! you know what? i bet sleeping at this angle is good for you. for some reason."}, {"x": "that was \"something, something, i am going to something you like a something donkey.", "y": "uh. other cultures!"}, {"x": "okay, we have to get lily out of that apartment. her roommate is a raccoon.", "y": "i'd offer her my place, but i've got dogs and she's allergic."}, {"x": "dogs? i live with her ex-boyfriend. i think she's a little more allergic to that.", "y": "what about your place, barney? i know it's shrouded in mystery, but it's gotta have a couch."}, {"x": "the fortress of barnitude? no way.", "y": "come on. she's desperate."}, {"x": "one of you guys is very, very lucky because i have... a boom! an extra ticket to the alanis morissette concert. who's in?", "y": "absolutely not."}, {"x": "you're right. who am i kidding?", "y": "oh, the popover pantry! that place is great. can we go get brunch tomorrow?"}, {"x": "no,actually i went with a friend from law school.", "y": "oh,really? who's this friend?"}, {"x": "because brunch is kind of...", "y": "girly."}, {"x": "no, totally. it sounds like a really, really fun, exciting, third date.", "y": "ooh, third date. you know what that means."}, {"x": "caf\u00e9 l'amour. brad says the food is really good there, okay?", "y": "sounds like brad's got quite the night planned out. you better bring your \"a\" game. that means no granny panties."}, {"x": "woah!", "y": "well, it could have been worse. it could have fallen in your lap."}, {"x": "okay, that's not too bad. two single guys on the prowl. it'll be like \"wedding crashers\".", "y": "just keep brad away from the bouquet."}, {"x": "look,i don't think he's crazy. i just think he's suffering from a severe case of girlfriend withdrawal. and unfortunately, you're his nicotine patch.", "y": "and now you have to do what every dysfunctional couple has to do break up."}, {"x": "i'm going to be a marine biologist... slam poet... beekeeper! not a beekeeper.", "y": "her newest lifelong dream? singing in a punk rock band."}, {"x": "what is she doing for money through all this?", "y": "oh, she's been waiting tables at big wave luau."}, {"x": "wait, you mean that hawaiian place where they wear those embarrassing outfits?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "welcome to big wave luau. can i tiki your drink order? aw, crap.", "y": "i'm sorry."}, {"x": "robin, nothing to add?", "y": "no. lily is my friend and i'm not going to make fun of her for trying to follow her dreams."}, {"x": "thank you.", "y": "although, you might want to bring out the big hawaiian drum because i'm pretty sure today's my birthday."}, {"x": "and she's looking for some action. sounds to me like she could be a cougar.", "y": "a what?"}, {"x": "classic.", "y": "ted, didn't you tell me they need a new assistant in your office?"}, {"x": "it was an honest mistake. look, when somebody opens up a container with an entire chicken in it, it's okay to assume they made lunch for everyone.", "y": "ted, that girl didn't quit. you destroyed her."}, {"x": "he's not usually this bad. it's just that the partners have made it very clear this project is make or break for us, so lately he's been a little testy. you know what i mean crotchety. i'm just saying it's been hard on him.. all right stop.", "y": "did you show lily your design?"}, {"x": "it's nothing.", "y": "it's fantastic. just for fun, ted's been working on his own design. and it doesn't look at all like male genitalia. at least, not healthy male genitalia."}, {"x": "druthers has to be taught he can't behave like that. when i was teaching kindergarten,whenever a kid was mean, i would take away one of his toys. the kid would be upset at first,but then he'd learn to stop being mean.", "y": "hey, guys. what's going on?"}, {"x": "lily stole my boss' baseball signed three times by pete rose.", "y": "why? was he being mean?"}, {"x": "you know about this?", "y": "yeah. it's her own personal form of justice. did you tell him about that time at the gap?"}, {"x": "oh, that was a good one. this sales guy was rude to robin, so i took a pair of khakis.", "y": "i gave them to you for your birthday."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "to ted! the youngest person to ever design a building over 70 stories... probably!"}, {"x": "hey, guess what? oh, sorry.", "y": "it's only my mom. she's just rambling on like always. what happened?"}, {"x": "marshall asked out a girl.", "y": "wow. well, if anything, that's dad's fault. that'll keep her going a while."}, {"x": "oh, of course, you know, he had a little help.", "y": "swarley hooked him up?"}, {"x": "oh, good. you got my text.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "i didn't order that. phone number.", "y": "i love that look. i think i slept with you because of that look. and it's fake?"}, {"x": "oh, and you biting your lower lip, shyly looking away and thrusting your chest out is natural?", "y": "yeah, i hear you."}, {"x": "really? why not?", "y": "uh, okay, um... lily, we have to tell you something. marshall has a date."}, {"x": "look, we've been broken up almost six months. i mean, i'm not thrilled about the idea, but he has every right to date someone else.", "y": "that's very mature."}, {"x": "why are you holding the phone?", "y": "oh, sh**t. that's hilarious, mom. didn't even notice."}, {"x": "stooooop!", "y": "what's up swarlz?"}, {"x": "no. okay? no. no more. i will not let this become a thing. it's over. no more swarley. no swarlz. no more swar-lay. no more swar... wait for it... ley. no more bob swarley, man. no more. no! it's over. do you understand?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "thank you.", "y": "nice."}, {"x": "why didn't you call me?", "y": "was i supposed to call you?"}, {"x": "yes, about the whole marshall-dating-another-girl thing.", "y": "you said you were fine with it."}, {"x": "yeah, in front of ted, but then i sh*t you a look.", "y": "what look?"}, {"x": "this.", "y": "that doesn't seem like a look."}, {"x": "yes it is. it means,  \"i'm upset call me later.\"", "y": "you should have pulled me aside and told me what the look meant."}, {"x": "if i pulled you aside, i wouldn't need the look.", "y": "well, maybe if it was a more distinctive look..."}, {"x": "okay, the look isn't important. what's important is that i can't stand the idea of marshall dating another woman. i mean, what if he falls in love with her?", "y": "well, if it makes you feel any better, ted says she has the crazy eyes."}, {"x": "what's that?", "y": "apparently, a thing women have that guys can see and it tells them that the girl's crazy."}, {"x": "oh, kind of like how you never want to date a guy with perfect fingernails?", "y": "jerk nails. exactly."}, {"x": "well, did ted say whether she was good-looking? i mean, 'cause if i knew she was ugly, then maybe i wouldn't be so freaked out.", "y": "uh, he didn't say, but you can find out. i think her name is chloe, she works at cosa coffee on 78th."}, {"x": "phone call for swarles barkley?", "y": "hey, ted. no, he's not here. good one, though, remember that one."}, {"x": "yeah, see you later, brian. there she is. she doesn't look that great. she's not fat, but that doesn't mean anything. i know tons of skinny, ugly women. that's right, snotty girl in my yoga class, i'm talking to you. come on, chloe, turn around. here we go. turn around, chloe. come on, show me that hideous face. damn it! ooh, i know, i'll get ahead of her, then i'll cut back so i... aah! oh, my god, that hurts! turn around! come on! just turn around! okay, this is ridiculous. hey! turn around! what's the matter with you? hey, you! turn around! turn around, chloe!", "y": "she's hot? i'm so sorry."}, {"x": "no, it's fine. it just makes things easier. now that i know she's a thr*at, all i have to do is keep marshall from ever seeing her again. okay, i have two plans, you can help me choose. plan a) remember that time marshall and i had sex in the bathroom? oops, i got knocked up.", "y": "lily."}, {"x": "okay, plan b) is called \"chloe's accident.\"", "y": "just stop."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "lily, you can't do any of those things. if you two are ever gonna get back together, you have to let him work out whatever this is."}, {"x": "i know. you're right.", "y": "now, come on, ted asked us to be upstairs at 600. some surprise for barney."}, {"x": "barney?", "y": "uh, swarley."}, {"x": "ha-ha! now i'm a woman. i love it! you know, i was thinking about this whole new name thing last night, and you know what i realized? i like it.", "y": "you like being called swarley?"}, {"x": "man, he is really gonna lose it when all the magazine subscriptions start coming in.", "y": "i signed him up for people in espanol, but i addressed it to swarlos."}, {"x": "hey! look at this.", "y": "oh, my god."}, {"x": "silly me. i must have looked everywhere else. well... i'm just gonna go. oh, i don't think we've met. i'm chloe.", "y": "robin."}, {"x": "yeah...", "y": "coming up at 1100 are there piranhas in the east river? what you don't know... could eat you."}, {"x": "what the hell?", "y": "it's okay. they're my friends."}, {"x": "we're going to atlantic city to elope. you got to come with us.", "y": "oh, my god, that is so fantastic! i don't know if i can just leave work."}, {"x": "yeah, i'm the best at reading.", "y": "let's go to atlantic city!"}, {"x": "oh, crap. i don't have a veil. i'm a bride, i can't get married without a veil. and a bouquet. i need a veil and a bouquet. oh, my god, we're getting married.", "y": "don't worry. relax. we'll get you a veil, honey."}, {"x": "oh, robin, that's a really cute outfit.", "y": "oh, really? thanks."}, {"x": "yeah, it has to go. i'm the bride, you can't look better than me.", "y": "done."}, {"x": "right. what?", "y": "okay, i'm here. right?"}, {"x": "oh, god, the things people waste money on in atlantic city.", "y": "does it smell like strippers in here?"}, {"x": "yeah. you know this isn't vegas, right?", "y": "well, sure. in vegas, the casinos pump in oxygen. here, it looks like everyone brought their own."}, {"x": "god, this is taking forever.", "y": "can't believe they're getting married."}, {"x": "i know. i am so proud of these two. after all they've been through. in fact, that crazy road has led them all the way here to atlantic city...", "y": "ted, up here."}, {"x": "uhm?", "y": "you were just staring at my shirt boobs."}, {"x": "'cause you're on candid camera!", "y": "really?!"}, {"x": "psst.", "y": "what? here?"}, {"x": "yeah. got a little time to k*ll.", "y": "oh, my god, it's the t-shirt, isn't it?"}, {"x": "no. a little.", "y": "something is seriously wrong with you."}, {"x": "so what, is that a no?", "y": "all right, let's do it."}, {"x": "all right. um, also...?", "y": "yes, i'll leave it on."}, {"x": "i should go talk to her.", "y": "no, let me."}, {"x": "well, i found a guy who said he'd be willing to put his boat in my slip, so we're getting closer.", "y": "okay, lil, why is it so important to do this today?"}, {"x": "because... if we don't do it today, i just know we're gonna wind up having a huge wedding with a huge crowd full of huge midwestern people looking all disapproving and judging me while sipping little cups of mayonnaise and cracking runaway bride jokes all night long.", "y": "nobody's gonna do that."}, {"x": "no, they're not because i'm not gonna give them the chance. i'm gonna find a ship captain and we're gonna be married tonight.", "y": "sweetie, this is crazy. you're never gonna find a ship capt..."}, {"x": "well, those are my old gambling buddies. truth is... i used to come here all the time. play an old chinese game called \"shing hasabu shing\". had a small gambling problem. actually, it wasn't so small. i kind of lost my entire life's savings. but tonight, i don't know, i'm feeling hot. i think i can win us that money.", "y": "no, we're not letting you gamble all our money away."}, {"x": "not a clue.", "y": "do you think he's winning?"}, {"x": "some aren't as nice.", "y": "and then there was derek and counting you, that puts the total up to..."}, {"x": "you're scared of the seven dwarfs?", "y": "just doc. he's creepy. i mean, the guy went to medical school. what's he doing living with six coal miners?"}, {"x": "oh, man, i'm so excited. i couldn't sleep last night. i bet you guys couldn't either.", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "ah, only the gala event for the grand opening of sharper image's 500th store. didn't you get my email?", "y": "no, i blocked your address after the fourth time you sent me the video of the monkey sniffing his own butt."}, {"x": "come on, let's go.", "y": "all right, i'm in."}, {"x": "to the willowbrook mall!", "y": "oh, it's at a mall? i'm not going."}, {"x": "what? why not?", "y": "i just don't feel like going to a mall."}, {"x": "we can split a cinnabun.", "y": "no, i'm really not gonna go."}, {"x": "come on, it'll be fun.", "y": "no, i don't go to malls! sorry, i just don't like malls."}, {"x": "why not?", "y": "i'd rather not say."}, {"x": "guys, guys, guys, robin doesn't like malls. if she doesn't want to tell us why, she doesn't have to. i think we should all just respect her privacy.", "y": "thanks ted."}, {"x": "so, what's the deal with you and malls?", "y": "you said if i didn't want to talk about it, i didn't have to."}, {"x": "yeah, with those people. i'm your boyfriend. come on, what is it? did you get arrested in a mall?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "dumped in a mall?", "y": "ted."}, {"x": "found out you were canadian at a mall?", "y": "let it go."}, {"x": "mauled at the mall?", "y": "let it go. and who gets trapped under a fake boulder at the mall? ted not me in ohio when i was nine, that's for sure."}, {"x": "i love you.", "y": "i used to be a dude."}, {"x": "except when she's talking about...", "y": "a friend of mine in canada got married way too young and it really turned her off to marriage."}, {"x": "what do you think of this wedding cake?", "y": "oh, i like it. hey, you remember that friend of mine in canada who got married too young? her wedding cake was a mrs. field's giant cookie."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "my friend in canada who got married way too young, they had to do their vows twice, once in french."}, {"x": "husband.", "y": "there's no 'p' in husband."}, {"x": "oh, hey, since you mentioned husbands, this is great, you're gonna love this. marshall, you know marshall. he thinks that the reason you didn't wanna go to the mall the other day is because you got married in a mall and have a husband in canada.", "y": "huh."}, {"x": "i told him he's crazy because he's crazy, right? i mean, how crazy is that?", "y": "are you asking me if i'm married? ted you can ask me. nope, i'm not married. your turn."}, {"x": "just say, \"no, i'm not married.\"", "y": "i can't. marshall's right. i was young and i got married. it was a mistake and he moved away, but, yeah, i'm married."}, {"x": "why didn't you get divorced?", "y": "he moved to hong kong for work and i was like, good enough."}, {"x": "good... good enough. that's not good enough. you order pancakes and you get waffles, that's good enough.", "y": "i haven't seen him in years. it's just a part of my life i wanna forget. just please don't tell anyone about this."}, {"x": "thanks for telling me your secret. it means so much to me that you could be so, what's the word i'm looking for, honest.", "y": "thanks ted."}, {"x": "yeah, you know what's probably the best part about your honesty? how truthful it is.", "y": "i say we just move on."}, {"x": "sit down or buffet.", "y": "um..."}, {"x": "whoa. it's weird that you don't remember.", "y": "no, i just didn't know how to answer because we did butlered hors deouvres in the atrium, but the actual dinner was a buffet in the food court featuring a filet mignon or roasted potato-crusted salmon with a lobster scallion ber blanc."}, {"x": "hm. band of dj?", "y": "string quartet played at the ceremony, but for the actual reception we had a seven-piece band. we paid extra for the sax 'cause i just love that smooth alto sound."}, {"x": "color scheme?", "y": "dusty rose and sienna."}, {"x": "husband's name?", "y": "um."}, {"x": "you were never married.", "y": "yes i was."}, {"x": "no you weren't.", "y": "how do you know?"}, {"x": "i looked it up at the library.", "y": "what library?"}, {"x": "the one on 5th.", "y": "when did you go?"}, {"x": "today at lunch. and i had a an apple brie panini with potato salad....", "y": "i'm not questioning the lunch part, ted. what database did you use?"}, {"x": "i used the canadian mall marriage 6000.", "y": "you told marshall?"}, {"x": "you lied to me!", "y": "see, this is why i don't tell people secrets. you were supposed to be the one person i trusted the most and even you couldn't keep a secret."}, {"x": "but it was a fake secret.", "y": "yeah, i was testing you and you failed, and now you're never gonna know why i never go to the mall. and it's good too."}, {"x": "testing me, that's insane.", "y": "oh yeah, how long did it take for you to tell marshall my biggest secret in the world?"}, {"x": "that wasn't a real secret.", "y": "yeah, but it could have been."}, {"x": "you are driving me crazy. no wonder your fake husband moved to hong kong.", "y": "he moved there for business."}, {"x": "- nope.", "y": "- no."}, {"x": "- hey!", "y": "- you have a brother?"}, {"x": "well, barney and his brother aren't exactly alike. james is gay.", "y": "really? i never in a million years would i picture you with a gay brother, that's awesome."}, {"x": "what up, new york.", "y": "thanks for the heads up."}, {"x": "oh, james, this is my girlfriend, robin.", "y": "- hey. it's so nice to meet you."}, {"x": "- you, too.", "y": "so, i have to ask, there's a story here."}, {"x": "i miss my jammies. i can't believe i wore a bra for this.", "y": "bras suck. they're so confining and unnatural."}, {"x": "oh, yeah, yeah. he looks all broken up inside.", "y": "whatever, you guys have no idea what it's like to be on the receiving end."}, {"x": "he is. wait, he's exactly as bad as we are. you guys don't think that james is... in a relationship?", "y": "no. there's no way. he's barney's brother."}, {"x": "that's ridiculous! just because he's a little sleepy, and he hasn't had sex with anyone in a bathroom stall... he hasn't had sex with anyone in a bathroom stall.", "y": "and, barney... i hate to be the one to tell you this, but... he's texting."}, {"x": "hey, i really like your sweater.", "y": "wow. you actually do, don't you? you're not checking out my boobs or anything."}, {"x": "my name's gay ken, what do you think?", "y": "i love this place! let's dance!"}, {"x": "- and not be groped!", "y": "- whoo! thank you."}, {"x": "god, can't two straight guys come to a gay dance club, enjoy some techno and good conversation without being bothered?", "y": "how's it going, guys? still enjoying the attentions of men?"}, {"x": "looks like the boys learned their lesson. do you totally miss being hit on?", "y": "oh, totally. let's go find a sports bar."}, {"x": "uh, no, i think i'm gonna stay a little bit longer.", "y": "yeah, me, too. i'm not tired at all."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "oh, ted. oh, teddy boy."}, {"x": "perfectly.", "y": "well, at least you apologized. you apologized, didn't you?"}, {"x": "i should go apologize. it's christmas eve.", "y": "yeah. i mean, slamming doors and screaming curses? if i wanted that, i would have gone home for the holidays."}, {"x": "uh... \"bless you\" would have been nice.", "y": "you're sick."}, {"x": "i'm not sick.", "y": "you're sick."}, {"x": "ahh... three flights of stairs, not a drop spilled. hey, buddy.", "y": "you sure this is gonna work?"}, {"x": "yeah, this is our thing. in college, whenever i wanted to make up with her, i'd buy her a beer. cute, right?", "y": "totally. plus free mug."}, {"x": "all right. i guess i have to call her, right? lily's cell phone. she'll listen to reason-- right? oh, hey, billy. actually, funny thing--the voice dial got you. i was trying to call... oh, i'm sorry to hear that. yeah, the holidays are a rough time for everyone, billy. okay, yeah, dinner next wednesday. okay. damn voice dial.", "y": "barney! what the hell are you doing? get in here, it's freezing outside. are you insane?"}, {"x": "hey, blame lily and her oppressive \"no cigars in the apartment rule.\" god, it's like marshall's marrying the taliban.. high five.", "y": "eww. no. you have to go home and get to bed."}, {"x": "she hung up.", "y": "she's just mad. she'll cool down."}, {"x": "damn it! i could be in cleveland right now making peppermint lager with my dad.", "y": "where are you going?"}, {"x": "this is a low moment for the barnacle. i should be off playing laser tag right now, but instead... don't look at me. i'm hideous.", "y": "you just look like a regular guy."}, {"x": "exactly. i'm a ted. i'm wearing elastic-waist fleece pants.", "y": "and isn't it more comfy?"}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "come on, you need eat something."}, {"x": "too weak... to hold... bowl.", "y": "fine, i'll feed you."}, {"x": "ouchie in my mouth! i don't want it. i want ice cream.", "y": "no, you're not having ice cream for dinner just 'cause you're sick."}, {"x": "but my throat hurts.", "y": "no!"}, {"x": "fine. i don't want to ruin christmas. you can have the apartment. don't worry about seeing me there i'll be in staten island with my cousin stacy. just.... merry christmas.", "y": "you're spending christmas eve with your family? baby, that sucks. i'm so sorry."}, {"x": "uh, they're fine. they're just... they're a little weird. you know they don't believe in gifts or christmas trees. and they think santa's how satan spells his name when he wants to trick us.", "y": "well, do you want me to go with you?"}, {"x": "was that a sincere offer?", "y": "first tell me your answer."}, {"x": "stay there. save yourself. we'll spend all day together tomorrow. okay. oh, how's barney feeling?", "y": "you mean the whiney bottomless pit of neediness? he was bugging me, so i spiked his echinacea tea with codeine."}, {"x": "i think i'm in love with you.", "y": "what?!"}, {"x": "where?", "y": "right there."}, {"x": "", "y": "oh, you don't want to kiss me, you'll get sick."}, {"x": "all right, it's getting to be that time. i'll talk to you tomorrow?", "y": "good night."}, {"x": "good night.", "y": "wait, ted?"}, {"x": "yeah?", "y": "good night."}, {"x": "that's awesome. you know what i'm going to do? i'm going to take off work friday. we're gonna take her to the empire state building.", "y": "really? you'd do that?"}, {"x": "of course. everyone should see the empire state building.", "y": "ted."}, {"x": "yeah?", "y": "falafel."}, {"x": "falafel?", "y": "falafel."}, {"x": "instead of telling ted you love him, you said \"falafel\"?", "y": "i totally choked."}, {"x": "i just don't get it. why can't you tell ted you love him?", "y": "oh, come on, this is a big deal for me."}, {"x": "oh, god, you'd think you never said it to a guy before. no.", "y": "okay, well, i don't usually getthis far in the relationship. i usually take the three-week exit."}, {"x": "no, this is new. this trumps that. freeways have exits. so do relationships. the first exit, my personal favorite, is six hours in. you meet, you talk, you have sex, you exit when she's in the shower.", "y": "so every girl you have sex with feels the immediate need to shower? actually, yeah, i get that."}, {"x": "then a year and a half, 18 years, and the last exit-- death. which, if you've been with the same woman for your entire life, it's like, \"are we there yet?\"", "y": "so i've never been on the freeway this long before. i mean, usually by now i find out the guy has some weird personality thing that makes me want to take the next exit."}, {"x": "yeah, been there. i once dated a guy who could only go to the bathroom when classical music was playing. okay, it was marshall.", "y": "it's just things are going so well with ted i just don't want to complicate it."}, {"x": "relax, it'll happen when it happens. which is also the advice i gave marshall to get him over the classical music thing.", "y": "oh, here comes katie."}, {"x": "aw, your sister's so cute.", "y": "yeah. this reminds me of when i used to see her coming up the driveway from school, with her little pigtails and her hello kitty backpack."}, {"x": "hello, kitty.", "y": "oh, no. no. no. no."}, {"x": "hey, robin. how are you?", "y": "oh, good. good. so, who is this... tongue person?"}, {"x": "looks like hotness runs in the family.", "y": "oh, you said that. great. so how long have you two been...?"}, {"x": "my cousin. he's 23, kind of a wad, but he buys me beer, so...", "y": "that's cool. this is my friend lily."}, {"x": "hot.", "y": "you say things! well, come on, let's get you back to my place, we'll get you settled."}, {"x": "um, actually, i'm going to stay with kyle tonight.", "y": "uh, no, you're not."}, {"x": "oh, come on. it's kind of a special night. if you know what i mean.", "y": "what? oh. oh..."}, {"x": "discouraging premarital sex is against my religion.", "y": "please? i'm her older sister. i'm supposed to teach her how to make good and responsible decisions."}, {"x": "it's 200 and you've already had three scotch and sodas.", "y": "that's why i need your help."}, {"x": "when construction began on march 17, 1930, the framework rose at a rate of four and a half stories per week. four and a half stories per week. four and a half stories per week. there it is. there it is. come on. these are fun facts, guys, let's have fun with them.", "y": "you know, katie, i have wanted to come to the empire state building for so long, but i waited to come here with someone special."}, {"x": "you told them?", "y": "oh, okay, yes, i told them. but only because i think you should hear it from other grownups, too. everyone thinks you should wait. right, guys?"}, {"x": "sex is fun.", "y": "see?"}, {"x": "you are such a hypocrite. you were only 16 when you lost yours.", "y": "well, how do you know that? you left your diary in your old room slash my new room."}, {"x": "look, i've been dating kyle for two months now. it's like forever. i mean, we've already done everything else. i mean, we've even...", "y": "oh. la, la, la, la, la.la, la, la, la, la, la, la,la, la, la, la, la."}, {"x": "you have no right to tell me not to do it.", "y": "but kyle? why can't you just wait? because if you wait, you can get a nice guy like ted."}, {"x": "robin, this is happening. look, i already put it up on my myspace page. i need a clove.", "y": "you smoke now, too?"}, {"x": "no!", "y": "no \"aw, remember cloves?\" this can't happen. she's my baby sister, okay? she should be watching the little mermaid and drinking yoohoo, and not having sex."}, {"x": "this place in the catskills. look it up. i was there teaching for the summer.", "y": "what did you teach?"}, {"x": "oh, yeah, that sounds so good. oh, i love you, marshall. i'm so glad we're waiting. oops. end of flashback.", "y": "oh, that's adorable."}, {"x": "the point is no matter what, it's never gonna be as perfect as you want it to be.", "y": "well, mine was terrible."}, {"x": "wait, i've never heard your story.", "y": "well, as you know, i was 16. and it was with my boyfriend brian."}, {"x": "ready?", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "this feels so right.", "y": "oh, i know."}, {"x": "oh, robin.", "y": "oh, brian."}, {"x": "i'm so sorry.", "y": "eh, i should've known. there were signs."}, {"x": "oh, my god! my mom's home. quick! get under my bed.", "y": "what?! oh, my god!"}, {"x": "what do you mean just barely?", "y": "well, he didn't dive all the way into the pool, but he... splashed around in the shallow end."}, {"x": "then you didn't lose your virginity to him. just barely doesn't count.", "y": "yes, it does."}, {"x": "i'm going to see kyle.", "y": "katie, please. you only get to lose your virginity once. you should only be having sex with someone who's special."}, {"x": "oh, please, you've had sex with, like, a hundred guys.", "y": "it's not a hundred guys. it's not a hundred guys."}, {"x": "i'm sure you were madly in love with all of them.", "y": "i had different levels of feeling for each of the... very reasonable number of guys."}, {"x": "really. well, do you love ted? do you love ted?", "y": "i, um..."}, {"x": "okay, empire state building fun fact number 22 the empire state building has tons of places where people can have private conversations. you're off the hook, okay?", "y": "just let me explain."}, {"x": "you don't have to explain anything. you don't have to say it-- it's fine.", "y": "okay, but if relationships are like a freeway, then saying... \"hm hm hm\" is like... getting into the carpool lane. and i don't want to take an exit, but... at the same time, i'm not ready to get into the carpool lane. because what's in the carpool lane? oh, it's a big diamond, and i'm just not ready to get..."}, {"x": "okay, robin, robin, stop. it's no big deal, you don't have to say it.", "y": "it's just, it's a big thing to say to someone, and i don't want to say it too soon."}, {"x": "what, you mean like i did?", "y": "no. i didn't... yeah, like you did. i mean, you have to admit it, ted, it was a little weird."}, {"x": "weird... or courageous?", "y": "pretty sure weird. i mean, who gives it up on the first date?"}, {"x": "well, come on, it shows i'm brave and bold, like a knight.", "y": "no, it shows that you're an i-love-you slut."}, {"x": "well, then you're an i-love-you prude. you know what? i take mine back.", "y": "you... what?"}, {"x": "i take my \"i love you\" back.", "y": "you can't take it back."}, {"x": "you're right. why would i throw that all away? i'm having the best day!", "y": "katie, i'll admit, maybe i'm not in any place to lecture you on romantic relationships, but... but i just don't want you to make the same mistakes that i've made."}, {"x": "oh, believe me, kyle is not gay.", "y": "that's not what i meant. i just wish you weren't in such a rush to grow up. please don't do this."}, {"x": "all right, here's what really happened.", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "she didn't do it."}, {"x": "hey, that's great! you got through to her.", "y": "no, i didn't. you did. she told me that you talked to her."}, {"x": "so i told kyle i wanted to wait... and he dumped me.", "y": "oh, oh, sweetie, i'm so sorry. aw, honey. i promise everything is gonna be okay. you want to watch the little mermaid and drink some yoohoo?"}, {"x": "only if you put a buttload of kahlua in it.", "y": "don't tell mom."}, {"x": "you're welcome. i knew it meant a lot to you.", "y": "but, man, your story, i mean, it doesn't even sound like you."}, {"x": "oh, robin... i just had a great idea.", "y": "oh, do whatever you want to me just don't wake me up."}, {"x": "ceilings? oops. said that already. then again, you seem to like rehashing old ideas. i'm kidding, of course. another hole in one, boss.", "y": "oh, wow, he must be really good-looking."}, {"x": "why would you say that?", "y": "well, 'cause only good-looking people can get away with saying things like that."}, {"x": "tony.", "y": "angela."}, {"x": "mona.", "y": "mona?"}, {"x": "watch it more closely. rock your world.", "y": "so, what are you gonna do?"}, {"x": "knock yourself out.", "y": "well, ted, if you do fire druthers, the key is timing. remember when i had to fire my makeup artist?"}, {"x": "no.", "y": "what is that?"}, {"x": "i know, right? behind the piano this whole time.", "y": "wait. if marshall went to all this trouble to hide it, he clearly doesn't want us to find it."}, {"x": "oh, come on, robin.", "y": "no, i'm saying that he must be really embarrassed by this. we are gonna have so much fun."}, {"x": "oh, you had me. you so had me.", "y": "so, you didn't fire him?"}, {"x": "thanks. yeah, stools are better for your posture.", "y": "and, uh... i... got you a rose."}, {"x": "hey, guys. guess what i got. a new dart.", "y": "oh, wow, a new dart."}, {"x": "hey, that new dart is great.", "y": "i did not know you were such a fan of new dart, barney."}, {"x": "nude art.", "y": "nude art."}, {"x": "this painting is the worst thing that's ever happened to me.", "y": "okay, where should we put it up next? in his law school? ooh on the side of a bus. oh, oh! how much do billboards cost?"}, {"x": "one of my worst fears has come true-- i just saw marshall grabbing himself naked. well, i gotta go. believe it or not, i have to go back to the office.", "y": "oh, i'll go out with you. bye, guys."}, {"x": "no, i think just hammond.", "y": "so, i'm guessing you didn't fire him."}, {"x": "we are not fast-forwarding through the commercials.", "y": "yeah, they're the best part."}, {"x": "oh, come on. remember last year? who wants to watch a monkey in a coconut bra order a pizza?", "y": "oh, my god. this monkey was so cute."}, {"x": "a hand-stitched, cashmere, double-breasted dolce & gabbana. it must be so frightened.", "y": "this is going faster than i thought. we'll make an appearance at the bar for the wake, we'll be watching the game by 800."}, {"x": "dibs on the one carl just told.", "y": "okay, i have to be at work exactly one super bowl from now."}, {"x": "$50?! what fun is $50?! why don't we just bet air?! god, marshall! okay, $50.", "y": "hey, i'll take that action. seahawks, but make it four points and make it a grand. hey, these wings, are they chicken wings or angel wings? oh, commercials! monkey with a coconut bra. hilarious."}, {"x": "i'm in.", "y": "i'm in."}, {"x": "fine. but only because you didn't think through a bathroom plan and i think that's funny.", "y": "but unfortunately, the city won't be fixing the unusually large pothole any time soon, so buckle up if you're on the bqe. it's gonna be a bumpy one."}, {"x": "well, robin, what do you say? i think it's time to check in with sid for a sports update.", "y": "no!"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "but it's, uh, time for sports.", "y": "no, it's not. it's time for weather."}, {"x": "we, we just did weather.", "y": "well, weather's pretty fickle, it may have changed. what's it doing out there, lou?"}, {"x": "okay, now it's time for sports.", "y": "no! let's go to traffic todd in the metro news 1 gridlock chopper."}, {"x": "and we're clear.", "y": "i'm sorry."}, {"x": "um, robin, is it just me, or were you doing something different there?", "y": "i haven't watched the game yet. i'm begging you, for the rest of the newscast there can't be any references to who won the super bowl. i mean, change the teleprompter. no team names, nothing specific."}, {"x": "that is crazy. i can't do that.", "y": "my friend mark passed away this week."}, {"x": "back in five... four... three...", "y": "it's just so hard."}, {"x": "...the zoo decided to name the baby panda after super bowl champions...", "y": "no...!"}, {"x": "awesome. just in time for kick-off. none of you guys found out the score, right?", "y": "mission accomplished."}, {"x": "yeah. thanks a lot, barney.", "y": "way to blow it."}, {"x": "wings are still good.", "y": "beer still works."}, {"x": "hey, so check this out i got extorted by a five-year-old today.", "y": "i almost got fired today."}, {"x": "i'm sorry, sir.", "y": "his dream job! didn't you ever have a dream job? something from when you were a little girl, that was all you wanted to do? i mean, for god's sakes, i'm sure you didn't go to bed at night dreaming about being a... i mean, uh... this is a cool job."}, {"x": "thanks.", "y": "your uniforms are pretty."}, {"x": "that thing better have call waiting.", "y": "could you just call the firm and explain what happened?"}, {"x": "it's down to three people and i know they need to make their decision today. i sort of feel my not showing up might put me at a disadvantage. i'm so stupid. why did i have to jump that turnstile?", "y": "hey, don't be so hard on yourself. and isn't this whole thing really barney's fault?"}, {"x": "on one pull.", "y": "well, you must be really bummed, you're not gonna be able to run tomorrow."}, {"x": "absolutely.", "y": "barney, we're talking about 42 kilometers."}, {"x": "each runner gets a tracking chip so you can follow them online, see when they pass certain checkpoints. barney's got mine in his shoe.", "y": "ooh, he's starting!"}, {"x": "this tracking thing is amazing. when we get married, you're getting one of these.", "y": "wow. look at his time. it's pretty impressive."}, {"x": "no...!", "y": "see? if barney never tried to run the marathon, you never would have jumped that turnstile, you wouldn't have had that court date today, and we would have made this flight."}, {"x": "what? no, n-n-n-no, n-no. i have to be in chicago today.", "y": "well, he never even called you back?"}, {"x": "well, it's typical pilot.they don't call you back at work and they don't call you back after you spend two nights with them at a radisson in orlando.", "y": "what was the name of the airline again?"}, {"x": "i think it was something like flights r' us.", "y": "was the \"r\" backwards?"}, {"x": "god, i hope not.", "y": "geez."}, {"x": "stupid smart carts. more like dumb carts.", "y": "if we miss this flight, it's all barney's fault."}, {"x": "you know, barney never would have run the marathon in the first place if marshall hadn't broken his toe.", "y": "yeah, so? what, you think this is my fault?"}, {"x": "so, yes, it was your fault. i mean, if you don't show up at the apartment in the middle of the day, marshall doesn't break his toe, barney doesn't run in his place, i don't jump the turnstile and get a court date, and we make our flight in plenty of time! and i don't fall down and bite my tongue at the airport.", "y": "that really wasn't my fault. i wouldn't have walked in on"}, {"x": "oh, looks like they're camping out for something.", "y": "yeah, but for what?"}, {"x": "i don't know. usually there's a stormtrooper or klingon in line to give you some indication. \"annual wedding dress blowout. designer sample dresses up to 90% off. doors open tomorrow, 800 a.m.\"", "y": "oh, my god. can you believe what some nut bags will do to save a few bucks?"}, {"x": "we have to camp out.", "y": "are you serious?"}, {"x": "a penis.", "y": "this is the place."}, {"x": "oh, wow. badgley mischka! melissa sweet! vera wang! oh, robin, do you have any idea what you guys stumbled onto here?", "y": "you said wang."}, {"x": "oh, this reminds me of the ticket line to lilith fair, 1998. only fewer mullets.", "y": "you should feel good. you're only, like, the tenth craziest bride in new york."}, {"x": "ooh, this is comfy. we might actually be able to sleep.", "y": "that's kind of annoying."}, {"x": "well, i'm sure somebody will be out here to turn it off any minute. i don't think i can take this. every time it turns off, i think, oh, maybe it won't turn on again, but then it does. why does it, robin? why does it keep turning on?", "y": "it's gonna be okay, sweetie. why... why don't we make a game out of it, okay? why don't we sing along?"}, {"x": "if we get through this, i swear i'm gonna live my life differently.", "y": "i just want to tell my parents i love them one more time."}, {"x": "it's him. it's the car guy!", "y": "get out of here!"}, {"x": "nobody does it better than you.", "y": "marshall?! oh, my god!"}, {"x": "oh, my god! you're that reporter from metro news 1.", "y": "yes, yes, i am. i can't believe you recognized me."}, {"x": "robin...", "y": "one second, ted. um, you know, a lot of people ask me that. the truth is,"}, {"x": "i knew it!", "y": "god, it is so nice to meet a fan! and i would be a fan of your work if you could get us two seats on that next flight."}, {"x": "i think it might hurt. this is such a nightmare.", "y": "okay, so we agree? this goes back to lily wanting to camp out for a wedding dress?"}, {"x": "1939?! this penny's from 1939! a 67-year-old penny. do you realize this penny was minted during world w*r ii?", "y": "oh, so was my grandfather, but that doesn't make him interesting."}, {"x": "look, i know a little something about coins, and this baby is worth something to a collector.", "y": "no, it's not."}, {"x": "yes, it is! you know what? i'm gonna take you out to dinner with the money i get for this little guy.", "y": "you're lucky there's still a place that serves anything for a dollar fifty."}, {"x": "hey, that's 150 times its original value. actually, the meal was only $1.49. 1984.", "y": "hey, in 50 years, we can get dinner again."}, {"x": "how dare you.", "y": "hey, what's going on?"}, {"x": "i don't know. looks like they're camping out for something.", "y": "yeah, but for what?"}, {"x": "nah, i don't really feel like mimi's.", "y": "well, i'm hungry. let's just pick a place and go."}, {"x": "oh, you know where we should go? cynthia's. you love that place, remember what a great time we had the last time we were there?", "y": "we did?"}, {"x": "come on. then we stepped outside. it was raining. it was so romantic? how can you not remember this?", "y": "because it wasn't me."}, {"x": "oh, my god, van helsing is on. remember when we went to see it? we sat in the back row.", "y": "i've never seen van helsing."}, {"x": "that's right. i saw it with my sister.", "y": "my boss just got back from maui. he said it was really romantic."}, {"x": "oh, it's so romantic.", "y": "when were you in maui?"}, {"x": "i... went... with my sister.", "y": "with my sister. why do you always say that? look, we're not 16. we've both dated other people. it's silly to try to act like we didn't."}, {"x": "you're right. we should just be honest.", "y": "totally."}, {"x": "see that girl over there? three years ago, i totally made out with her.", "y": "i don't want to hear that."}, {"x": "what? you said...", "y": "god, that is so insensitive."}, {"x": "remember honesty...?", "y": "you're a jerk!"}, {"x": "so, earlier tonight...", "y": "mm, we should get down to the bar."}, {"x": "we're getting to it.", "y": "damn, my face is so dry. is there any moisturizer around here?"}, {"x": "no! seriously, stop!", "y": "so, anyway, ted goes into the bathroom to get the moist... face lotion..."}, {"x": "what are you talking about? it's yours.", "y": "no, it's not."}, {"x": "oh, well... then i guess it's lily's.", "y": "whose moisturizer is this, ted?"}, {"x": "um, my sister's.", "y": "so, in other words, some girl you went out with."}, {"x": "um... i love you.", "y": "disgusting. you let me put on the same moisturizer as one of your exes?"}, {"x": "thank you, marshall. thank you so much.", "y": "why is that still in your apartment?"}, {"x": "i don't know. i just never threw it out.", "y": "well, why not? do you still have feelings for this girl?"}, {"x": "yeah. i'm madly in love with her, and the only way i can deal with it is by holding onto a three-dollar tube of lotion.", "y": "not three dollars! try 14."}, {"x": "why is this such a big deal?", "y": "because i don't want to use some whore's moisturizer!"}, {"x": "whoa, she wasn't a whore.", "y": "well, she's leaving expensive lotions all over town. it sounds like a whore to me. what else do you have from old girlfriends just lying around?"}, {"x": "nothing. that's it. well, except for the phone booth. and the lamp by the desk... and the...", "y": "no. no! no! oh, ted!"}, {"x": "ah, the age-old question after you break up with someone, what do you do with the stuff?", "y": "question? ain't no question, girl. obviously, he's got to get rid of it."}, {"x": "which is obviously crazy and obviously, i'm not gonna do it.", "y": "so we agreed that we would let you guys decide."}, {"x": "nice, right?", "y": "i'm gonna have to say no. i don't want some 16-year-old"}, {"x": "creamsicle and turkey gravy, not at the same time.", "y": "well, that's adorable, but from now on, when i walk into the apartment, here is what i will see."}, {"x": "really? you can't look at a pillow without seeing my ex-girlfriend-- a pillow!", "y": "yes, ted, the fact that you still have that pillow is creepy and gross."}, {"x": "you're creepy and gross.", "y": "your mom's creepy and gross."}, {"x": "ted, your place is too cluttered. it's like you're living in a bennigan's.", "y": "or a danby's. what, they don't have danby's in the us? really? well, then were do you get grizzly paw ice cream sandwiches?"}, {"x": "just stop, sweetie.", "y": "eight flights, of stairs. who puts a theater up eight flights of stairs? what kind of building is this?"}, {"x": "i brought a bag in case anyone needs to puke.", "y": "come on. it's not gonna be that bad."}, {"x": "totally, i had no idea greed was the k*ller.", "y": "and when it became a play within a play, i was, like, \"now we are really cookin'!\""}, {"x": "we'll be starting our q&a with the director-- yours truly-- in five minutes right here. barney runs out", "y": "can you believe barney said that about lily's play?"}, {"x": "i know. he can be really insensitive.", "y": "it was pretty bad, though."}, {"x": "oh, my god, it was so bad.", "y": "oh, my god, you've been robbed!"}, {"x": "nope.", "y": "all that stuff was from old girlfriends? don't you buy anything for yourself?"}, {"x": "you know, at first i was really bummed about getting rid of all my stuff. but seeing how happy it makes you - totally worth it.", "y": "mm, that's kind of how i feel when i begrudgingly have sex with you when i'm really tired."}, {"x": "exactly. sometimes you gotta take one for the team. well, sit. sit, yeah. so you never keep anything your ex-boyfriends gave you?", "y": "nope. well, except for my dogs."}, {"x": "so i had to get rid of everything from my past relationships because you don't keep things from your past relationships except, uh, where are your five dogs from? oh, that's right your past relationships.", "y": "what's your point, ted?"}, {"x": "well, you know how you said you come over to my apartment, and all you can see are my ex-girlfriends?", "y": "what, so when you look at my dogs, all you see is my ex-boyfriends?"}, {"x": "i do now.", "y": "that's ridiculous."}, {"x": "you said everything.", "y": "but not living things."}, {"x": "well, tell that to the rare bolivian cactus i threw away.", "y": "things with a heartbeat can stay."}, {"x": "enjoying this?", "y": "pickles, go get your ball. go get your ball."}, {"x": "just admit it. it was a little hypocritical of you to make me get rid of all my stuff.", "y": "well, what do you want me to do, ted? get rid of my dogs?"}, {"x": "yes. yes, i want you to get rid of your dogs.", "y": "um, no."}, {"x": "even i wouldn't do that.", "y": "yes!"}, {"x": "good. okay, i gotta go rehearse. oh, i almost forgot. bring a poncho; the first three rows get wet.", "y": "i'm sorry i didn't tell you where the dogs came from."}, {"x": "i'm sorry i asked you to get rid of them. that was ridiculous.", "y": "so we're-we're okay?"}, {"x": "oh, he's really having trouble dealing with this, huh?", "y": "yeah, he really is. it's got me thinking, maybe i should get rid of my dogs. might be time to send them to the farm."}, {"x": "you're gonna k*ll your dogs?!", "y": "no! no, no, no, there really is a farm. my aunt has a farm upstate."}, {"x": "oh, thank god. aw, you know, if i were five dogs, i'd rather live on a farm than in an apartment in brooklyn.", "y": "yeah. i could visit them on weekends. my aunt is awfully lonely up there. it's just her and her lover, betty."}, {"x": "oh, that's perfect. they love dogs.", "y": "\"they\"? what do you mean by \"they\"?"}, {"x": "it's your funeral. five, six, one, two.", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "where've you been? i called you earlier.", "y": "i gave my dogs away to my aunt."}, {"x": "you what?", "y": "yeah. just for a few months as a test run, but... i think it's for the best."}, {"x": "wow. oh, man.", "y": "can we go inside?"}, {"x": "uh, no. uh, let's go to the bar.", "y": "why? what's going on inside?"}, {"x": "um, the floors are gone.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "i didn't know you were getting rid of the dogs!", "y": "you said you threw all that stuff away!"}, {"x": "surprise.", "y": "we felt bad that you guys were missing the super-fun origami folding party, so... we suggested moving it here."}, {"x": "oh, it goes back and forth. it's sort of a tr*nny car.", "y": "how long have you had her... slash him?"}, {"x": "my brothers handed it down to me when i was 16.", "y": "oh, how nice of them."}, {"x": "dude, i told you that doesn't work. it's the 100k fiasco.", "y": "what's the 100k fiasco?"}, {"x": "well, it's a pretty old car.", "y": "yeah. you can keep prolonging its life, but it's really mostly machine at this point."}, {"x": "hitchhiking waldo.the homeless guy who broke in through the window and threw up all over the backseat.", "y": "lily, don't. be strong. do not go all \"prisoner's dilemma\" on me."}, {"x": "okay. shortly after we met robin, she and i were jonesing for thai food from this one place.", "y": "an hour and a half delivery. we can't wait that long."}, {"x": "i wish we could take the fiero, but marshall has this insane no-food rule.", "y": "but thai food, lily. pad yum mao. tom kai gah. thai see ran."}, {"x": "oh! you're just saying random syllables, and it still sounds delicious. okay. here's what we'll do. we'll drive over, pick it up, have them double-bag it, very carefully drive it back here with the windows open, and he'll never know.. wow, these brakes are really sensitive. oh, marshall is gonna k*ll me! this and the difference between \"affect\" and \"effect\" are the only two things he's really serious about.", "y": "lily, it's gonna be fine."}, {"x": "no, it's not. marshall's gonna freak. oh, god, oh, god. what are we gonna do? oh, god, oh...!", "y": "shut up! now, listen to me. the clock is ticking. okay, first thing, we scoop up all these little pieces of tofu and cabbage. next, what we need to take care of are the really messy parts-- the pools that have collected. we got to soak that soup up. last is the smell. we got to cover up that tom kah gai. you mentioned cigars."}, {"x": "there's two in the glove compartment, but he's been saving them.", "y": "hand me those chopsticks. hey, how about some tunes? oh, great song."}, {"x": "these cigars aren't helping at all.", "y": "yeah. this was a terrible idea."}, {"x": "why did you break two of them?", "y": "it looked like fun when she did it. so i wanted to try."}, {"x": "come on, marshall. this is your fiero. you know the rightthing to do here.", "y": "wow, barney, why do you love that car so much?"}, {"x": "we're okay. it's a miracle, ted!", "y": "wow. sounds like you had some accident in that car."}, {"x": "sure we could.", "y": "then why don't you? you can stay with me."}, {"x": "yeah. it's a dirty story, isn't it? you guys went out to dinner, did it in the kitchen and got caught. scherbatsky reeks of someone who likes to get caught.", "y": "okay, now i have to wash up for two reasons."}, {"x": "whoa, that is so awesome.", "y": "barney, i didn't know you were such a fan of the price is right."}, {"x": "i'm ready! lily comes into the livingroom with her wedding dress while robin singins.)", "y": "ta-da-da-da-da... wow, lily, you look so beautiful."}, {"x": "it's $300 just to take the bust in? oh, please, you have to have some sympathy for me. i'm getting married next saturday, and i'm too skinny for my dress. i lost all this weight without even trying. hello?", "y": "what happened?"}, {"x": "she called me a bitch and hung up. oh, i don't know what to do. i guess i'll just have to pay the $300.", "y": "pay the $300? lily, are you crazy? this isn't a problem. it's a license to eat. look, what have you always wanted to eat but didn't because it was too ridicuusly decadent?"}, {"x": "ooh, a valrhona chocolate souffl\u00e9e with a raspberry brandy sauce topped with caramelized bananas and hazelnut gelato.", "y": "i have cool whip and half a bag of fritos."}, {"x": "that's pops.", "y": "barney?"}, {"x": "yes, robin?", "y": "why in the world do you think bob barker is your father?"}, {"x": "why is this so hard for you people to believe?", "y": "drop the popper! lily has to gain five pounds in a week and a half, and it is my job to help her get there."}, {"x": "i lost a pound.", "y": "that is impossible. you ate mcdonald's every meal for three days."}, {"x": "i knew that super size me guy was full of it.", "y": "well, it must be the wedding stress. we just got to up the intake. lily aldrin, drop and give me 20 bites of fudge! okay? don't nibble at it. att*ck it! come on, lily. you can do better than that!"}, {"x": "i can't.", "y": "well, eat faster, before your body figures out it's full."}, {"x": "i'm trying.", "y": "oh, are you gonna cry? you gonna cry? skinny little baby's gonna cry? well, eat, damn it, eat!"}, {"x": "calcium promotes healthy teeth and bones.", "y": "thanks, marshall, for teaching us you don't need alcohol to have fun."}, {"x": "and maybe you already know someone who went down to the courthouse and registered as an officiant so that he or she-- he-- could perform the ceremony.", "y": "but you hate marriage. why do you want to perform the ceremony?"}, {"x": "great. now my mom's making me invite the lessners. this puts our numbers in the triple digits.", "y": "wow. i guess sometimes, lessner is more... ner. you know how like sometimes less is more."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "how do you play the harp with your belly so...?"}, {"x": "oh, i don't really-- i can only reach about half the strings.", "y": "you only play half the harp?"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "oh, no. uh, okay. lily, i will take care of this. um, i'll just pluck the other half. is it hard to learn?"}, {"x": "i've been studying the harp for 12 years.", "y": "yeah, but i'm a fast learner. you ever hear of \"guitar hero\"? learned that in a day. is there a \"harp hero\"?"}, {"x": "last tuesday.", "y": "holy crap, we have to fire her. she's gonna drop a shorty in the middle of your ceremony."}, {"x": "hey, you want to know what line doesn't work on a harp player? \"hey, baby, want to pluck?\"", "y": "really? that didn't work."}, {"x": "that's scooter.", "y": "your high school boyfriend, scooter?"}, {"x": "his real name is bill. my mom must have invited him.", "y": "why? why would she do that?"}, {"x": "maybe my words won't change your mind, but maybe the words of a poet will. i read from \"november rain.\" by w. axl rose.", "y": "that is a good song."}, {"x": "what's up with bill?", "y": "that's scooter."}, {"x": "the bride wants you to walk slower.", "y": "oh, wow."}, {"x": "oh. robin... my makeup looks perfect right now, and i'm about to cry. do something.", "y": "i have hairy nipples."}, {"x": "really?", "y": "no, but it worked, didn't it?"}, {"x": "hey. funny story. i tackled this guy i thought was scooter. turns out it was your photographer. don't worry. i got this sweet camera phone, so we're covered.", "y": "there's a photographer? oh, my god. okay, i just have to call..."}, {"x": "totally cool.", "y": "oh, no. lily, i think i forgot your bridal panties. i-i thought i had them. i'm so sorry."}, {"x": "oh, it's okay, i'll just wear the ones i have on.", "y": "are you sure?"}, {"x": "i'm marrying marshall today. so it doesn't even matter that i'm gonna walk down the aisle without a veil in a room that has no flowers to the music of half a harp played by a woman who's crowning, as my high school boyfriend reads g*ns n' roses lyrics. but that's okay, because there's no photographer there to take any pictures of it anyway.", "y": "lily, are you okay?"}, {"x": "what do you think?! of course i'm not okay! everything that could possibly go wrong at my wedding has! it's ruined!", "y": "what happened to \"i don't want a perfect wedding\"?"}, {"x": "oh, grow up, robin! of course i want a perfect wedding! oh, god. i wanted... i wanted not to care about the wedding, but... i do. i... i'm supposed to feel like a princess today.", "y": "and you will. it's gonna be okay, sweetie. why don't we go outside? i have something that'll make you feel better."}, {"x": "lily, you're not supposed to see me.", "y": "holy crap, i don't think anyone's supposed to see you."}, {"x": "could we even do that? i mean, what about all those people in there?", "y": "do that one, too. and then when everything goes wrong, you won't care because you already had the real wedding out here."}, {"x": "thank you all for coming. for those of you who don't know me... i'm not the biggest believer in marriage. but... you two are so great together, you know? it's like you were, uh, made for each other.", "y": "he's gonna cry."}, {"x": "my turn. oh, thank you. marshall, i love you because you're funny and you make me feel loved and you make me feel safe and for our anniversary you gave me a sweatshirt that says, \"lily and marshall. rockin' it since '96.\" i kinda wish i was wearing it right now 'cause it smells like you. but the main reason i love you, marshall ericksen, is you make me happy. you make me happy all the time.", "y": "hey, i found your panties!"}, {"x": "no.", "y": "wow. first lie of marriage. that was fast."}, {"x": "so...", "y": "so..."}, {"x": "wedding's over.", "y": "yes, it is."}, {"x": "tell people what?", "y": "hi, barney."}, {"x": "tell people what?", "y": "nothing."}, {"x": "absolutely. tell people what?", "y": "hi. have you met barney?"}, {"x": "whoo, that was a close one.", "y": "think he'll actually let it go?"}, {"x": "tell people what?", "y": "oh, god! okay. look, we have some... news."}, {"x": "but we don't want to draw attention away from lily and marshall's big day.", "y": "so just forget about it until they leave for the honeymoon."}, {"x": "oh, help us.", "y": "what's wrong?"}, {"x": "every time we get near the food, we get cocktail weiner blocked. we haven't eaten all day.", "y": "all right, let's run some interference."}, {"x": "and you look like a pepper-crusted rack of lamb with mint jelly.", "y": "all right, let's get these two back to their table."}, {"x": "we will see you on the floor for the conga line later, won't we?", "y": "conga line."}, {"x": "oh, like first corinthians? that bible verse? they do that at every wedding.", "y": "how's it go?"}, {"x": "\"love is patient and kind. \"love does not envy or boast. \"it is not arrogant or rude. \"love does not insist on it's own way. \"it is not irritable or resentful. \"love bears all things, \"believes all things, \"hopes all things... \"endures all things.\"", "y": "lame."}, {"x": "maybe in your life-- i got a lot of stuff going on.", "y": "okay, so we're sitting there and the waiter comes over..."}, {"x": "champagne?", "y": "um, we didn't order champagne."}, {"x": "wow. thanks. cheers.", "y": "and there, sitting at the bottom of my champagne glass is..."}, {"x": "right. so robin looks down, and there at the bottom of her glass...", "y": "is an engagement ring."}, {"x": "an engagement ring?no. no, no, no, no, no, no. ted, you cannot do", "y": "no, no, no, no, no. ted, you cannot do this to me. no. no, no, no."}, {"x": "what are you talking about?", "y": "this. this is what i'm talking about. what is this doing in my champagne? oh, god, listen... i just got to get out of here."}, {"x": "that's not mine.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "that's not mine.", "y": "then whose is it?"}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "wow. that was hilarious. i was like... what? anyway."}, {"x": "what the hell was that?", "y": "what the hell was what?"}, {"x": "that reaction?", "y": "i thought you were proposing to me."}, {"x": "really? because it sounded like you thought i was trying to set you on fire.", "y": "ted, you know how i feel about marriage."}, {"x": "now more than ever.", "y": "i'm sorry, were you planning on proposing tonight?"}, {"x": "no.", "y": "then why is this an issue?"}, {"x": "because even though you don't want to get married, i'd like to think the fact that we've been together for a year, and that we love each other might get me a gentler reaction than, \"no. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. \"ted, you cannot do this to me. \"no. no, no, no.\"", "y": "okay, you're right, i just... freaked out. i don't know why. i'm sorry. can we please just let it go?"}, {"x": "hey, stinson. never lie to a man about a chocolate fountain.", "y": "so did you guys find anything to eat?"}, {"x": "so what happened next?", "y": "ted, don't do this."}, {"x": "no, seriously. where do you see yourself in five years?", "y": "where do you see yourself?"}, {"x": "honestly, in five years... i probably want to be married.", "y": "and i probably want to be in argentina."}, {"x": "argentina?", "y": "or tokyo, or paris. look, ted, i don't know where i'm going to be in five years. and i don't want to know. i want my life to be an adventure."}, {"x": "barney... story's not over.", "y": "can we please not talk about this here. can we go home?"}, {"x": "it was a perfectly good idea. they didn't have our credit card information. they didn't know us from adam. i stand by it.", "y": "yeah? and how did that work out for you?"}, {"x": "i don't see why they had to keep my credit card and driver's license till we bring the horn back.", "y": "well, come on, ted, can you blame them?"}, {"x": "so... argentina.", "y": "argentina."}, {"x": "why is this the first i've heard of argentina?", "y": "mmm, american schools suck at geography. what would be the point in telling you that i want to live in argentina? you don't want to live there."}, {"x": "i could want to live in argentina.", "y": "no, you couldn't. i mean, you life is here and your career. i'm a journalist, my career could take me anywhere, and i hope it does."}, {"x": "hey. i could be an architect anywhere, too. they have buildings in argentina. and paris. and even tokyo. i don't know if you ever saw godzilla, but he wasn't knocking down a bunch of tents.", "y": "so, what? you're saying you want to move to argentina?"}, {"x": "well, i always regretted not taking a year in college to live abroad. i just finished a big project at work. i got some money saved up. if ever there were a time in my life to do something like this, it's right now. let's move to argentina.", "y": "oh, shut up."}, {"x": "you're scared i might not be kidding.", "y": "aren't you?"}, {"x": "nope. your move, scherbatsky.", "y": "okay. let's do it-- let's move to argentina."}, {"x": "no es posible! nobody moves to argentina. the argentinean peso has dropped two-thirds in five years, the government is opposed to free market reforms, and the railroad has been a mess since the breakup of ferrocarriles argentinos. i hooked up with an argentinean exchange student in a porta-john outside yankee stadium. man, she was chatty.", "y": "right? right?"}, {"x": "barney. the story's not over yet.", "y": "wait, wait, wait, wait."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "i don't know if i can do this to you."}, {"x": "do what?", "y": "well, you say you want to move to argentina, but you want to have kids."}, {"x": "oh, right. 'cause there are no kids there. on santa's map of the world, there's a big black \"x\" over argentina.", "y": "you know what i mean."}, {"x": "no, i don't. okay, say we had kids. they wouldn't have to grow up in some suburb somewhere. they would grow up on the road having adventures with us. think of all the hard rock cafe t-shirts they could collect.", "y": "ted, you know that kids were never a part of my plan. but if i was going to have someone's babies, i'd have your babies."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "risk it?"}, {"x": "no. robin, you're not... no, say the story's not over.", "y": "come on, they're cutting the cake."}, {"x": "okay, time to get the horn back to the bistro.", "y": "oh, ted, i don't know if i can go again. that tuckered me out."}, {"x": "not a euphemism.", "y": "right. okay, let me just go change, and we'll leave."}, {"x": "whoa, whoa, you get to change and i don't? uh-uh. solidarity, sister.", "y": "that is crazy. i have a change of clothes and you don't. suck it up."}, {"x": "well, if we'd actually moved in together, all my stuff would be here, but we didn't, so...", "y": "yeah. we were all talk, weren't we?"}, {"x": "we're not doing this, are we?", "y": "i don't want to have kids in argentina."}, {"x": "and i don't want to have kids in argentina.", "y": "so where does that leave us?"}, {"x": "well... we could stay together and... pretend this stuff doesn't matter. or... we could give back the blue french horn.", "y": "you stole a blue french horn for me."}, {"x": "you're not pregnant?", "y": "nope."}, {"x": "well, afterwards, uh, we came by to tell you guys, but lily was pretty stressed out, so...", "y": "we decided not to say anything till after the wedding."}, {"x": "well, it hasn't been the easiest two weeks of our lives, but...", "y": "but we're okay."}, {"x": "excuse me, miss.", "y": "hi."}, {"x": "robin!", "y": "hey, guys. i just got in last night. um, uh, this is gael."}, {"x": "girl?", "y": "it's pronounced \"guy-el\"."}, {"x": "hey, robin. gael.", "y": "i just want to make sure you're okay with this."}, {"x": "i do not! shut up! oh, my god!", "y": "i just hope ted's okay."}, {"x": "hello, ted. robin and i are about to make fantastic aquatic sex on this windsurfing board.", "y": "and i just want to make sure you're okay with this. okay, how do we do this?"}, {"x": "i think your leg goes up, up...", "y": "okay, how 'bout if i, um..."}, {"x": "he got a tramp stamp.", "y": "okay."}, {"x": "good. now, here's the thing. it sucks that you came back from argentina with someone as awesome as gael. and i know i have no right to be upset at you. we're broken up, life goes on, whatever. but you know what? we-we never did this. we-we had this polite breakup with no irrational yelling and that's just wrong. so i'm gonna yell irrationally for a while and you're just gonna have to stand there and deal with it, okay?", "y": "if you feel like you need to do that, then..."}, {"x": "i think i do! i really think i do! so now, i'm yelling!", "y": "you shaved."}, {"x": "i did.", "y": "i like the beard."}, {"x": "i liked it too, but it was getting kind of hot. maybe in the winter, i'll grow it back out! okay, i'm done.", "y": "i know it was weird showing up with gael. i'm sorry."}, {"x": "look, us breaking up, it was the right thing. but it took some time to get over you, you know? i-i'm still getting over you. but you, you were over it the minute they started the in-flight movie.", "y": "over it? my first three days in argentina, i cried my eyes out. i missed you so much. i wanted to go and prove how adventurous i am, but the truth is, it was really lonely. and that's why gael happened."}, {"x": "you weren't trying to win the break-up?", "y": "i was trying to survive it."}, {"x": "okay. no. see, look, that all sounds good, and we'll still be friends and move on, but..., did he have to be so hot? the guy's an adonis.", "y": "he's not an adonis."}, {"x": "he's the cadillac of rebound guys. marshall has a crush on him. the guy's perfect.", "y": "he's not perfect."}, {"x": "oh, come on. he's hot, he windsurfs, he massages things. name one way i'm better than that guy.", "y": "\"you're bigger\"."}, {"x": "don't patronize me. if anything, he may even be a little bit taller.", "y": "no, ted... \"you're bigger\"."}, {"x": "you guys are jerks!", "y": "i was just so uptight in new york, you know? i mean, down here everybody shares everything. it's like we're all one big shimmering ball of positive energy. i wonder if anyone's ever thought that before."}, {"x": "here. eat. if we run out of fish i will catch more with my hands.", "y": "a drum circle! they're different every time. let's go watch!"}, {"x": "wow. it seems like a great trip.", "y": "oh, it was. i feel like the robin who left is not the same robin who came back, you know."}, {"x": "i'm just happy robin's happy.", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "man, this is like \"where's waldo\" of exposed genitalia. except that it's really easy to find waldo.", "y": "i'm evolved, and i'm enjoying living my life a little bit closer to the way gael and i did in argentina."}, {"x": "within a triad of solar periods, you'll recognize your dearth of compatibility with your paramour and conclude your association.", "y": "my journey was transformative and i reassert my commitment to both the aforementioned paramour and the philosophies he espouses.[/b]"}, {"x": "so, gael, huh?", "y": "mmm."}, {"x": "still going strong?", "y": "yeah. it's great. amazing, fantastic, awesome."}, {"x": "ooh, that's one too many. what's going on?", "y": "well, now that i'm home, i'm finding myself getting annoyed at things that i loved on vacation."}, {"x": "here, taste. experience your food.", "y": "oh, so good."}, {"x": "here taste. experience your food.", "y": "ooh sofa! ooh sofa! sofa, sofa, oh... ooh"}, {"x": "i must have you.", "y": "laptop! laptop! laptop!"}, {"x": "well, maybe you're just going back to the person you were before the trip.", "y": "but i don't want to. i was so happy down there. no, you know what? i'm done complaining. i'm evolving. just gonna go with the flow."}, {"x": "don't mind if i do, love.", "y": "gael, there's some weird du.. hello."}, {"x": "newark, born and raised.", "y": "can you please keep it down?"}, {"x": "what happened to you, man? you said you wouldn't change, but look at you. no more tan, no more beaded braids, no more lush, untamed forest of leg and armpit hair. you're back at work. what gives?", "y": "well. i have to have a job."}, {"x": "\"i have to have a job\", god, that's so american.", "y": "i'm canadian. you know that."}, {"x": "what about the important things like making your own jewerly and lying on the beach and thinking about peace? god, don't you care about thinking about peace?", "y": "wow. i just realized something."}, {"x": "that you've lost your way.", "y": "no, that you really suck. you're boring and lame and you're getting sand everywhere. seriously, where is all the sand coming from? you're not the real me. all you are is me on vacation trying to get away from a break-up."}, {"x": "don't you want to go back?", "y": "what are you doing?"}, {"x": "shh. let this happen.", "y": "all right, everyone out! i said everyone out!"}, {"x": "all right, we're living, we're leaving, okay. michael moore was so right about americans.", "y": "i'm canadian!"}, {"x": "robin, are you okay?", "y": "no, i'm not. listen, gael, i need to talk to you about something."}, {"x": "welcome home, scherbatsky.", "y": "oh, good to be back. although it's weird, vacation robin popped into my dream again last night."}, {"x": "listening.", "y": "this time we went all the way. tell you one thing. she is maybe sandy but that chick knows what i like."}, {"x": "3 beers, 5 minutes.", "y": "thanks for lending me these boots. where did you get them from?"}, {"x": "you look fantastic in them, robin. but don't you think they're a little high for that dress?", "y": "oh, that's the point. it's to hide the point that i haven't shaved my legs. i've begun a strict no-shave policy for the first three dates. it's all about self-control. if i don't shave, i must behave."}, {"x": "are you positive?", "y": "that is so fascinating. so what happened?"}, {"x": "well, after eighteen hours of surgery, i closed and thankfully both girls just celebrated their second birthday.", "y": "wow, gosh, separating conjoined twins. that must be the most amazing feeling."}, {"x": "true, but now the parents don't know what to do with their huge supply of four-legged overalls.", "y": "that is so funny. you are so funny."}, {"x": "hello.", "y": "bring me a razor."}, {"x": "what about the no-shave rule? what happened to your convictions?", "y": "they've been surgically removed by dr. awesome."}, {"x": "no, i'm not doing it. the whole point to not shaving...", "y": "lily, please, he's really cute and i really like him. and he's got a british accent."}, {"x": "hello.", "y": "lily, i have pounded three cappuccinos waiting for you. pretty soon i won't have to shave, the hair is going to vibrate off my legs."}, {"x": "sorry, i can't leave now.", "y": "lily, he can't see my legs like this. i look like a turkish lesbian"}, {"x": "oh my god.", "y": "where's the shaving cream?"}, {"x": "well, you didn't ask me for shaving cream.", "y": "well, it was implied. who buys a razor without buying shaving cream?"}, {"x": "well, who doesn't shave their legs for her date?", "y": "well, who's not getting a tip because of her attitude?"}, {"x": "hey robin, the valet's brought the car around. i thought we'd go back to my place. you in the mood for a night cap?", "y": "absolutely. i just have to go to the ladies room. i've got tb...tiny bladder. i'll meet you out front?"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "you've gotta be kidding me."}, {"x": "i'm still convinced she k*lled my turtle.", "y": "hey, you know what, not every setup has a 'but'. what about, um, jamie, that girl that lily set you up with? she was really nice."}, {"x": "doesn't matter. robin hates kids.", "y": "i don't hate kids."}, {"x": "i go to school all week. can't i just have five minutes to myself to read highlights and drink my juice?", "y": "ok, yes, kids are not my favorite thing in the world but i like them."}, {"x": "well, you don't wanna have them.", "y": "i like sports cars but it doesn't mean i wanna push a ferrari through my vag*na"}, {"x": "nice.", "y": "you know what, the kid is not a problem. i wanna meet this guy."}, {"x": "ok, that's awesome.", "y": "yeah. hey, what's my 'but'? you know, i'm really nice, but..."}, {"x": "they're different eyes. i don't see why this bugs you. patch up!", "y": "ok, here's the thing, george is a great guy, we had a wonderful date."}, {"x": "but?", "y": "can't wait to meet him? why did i say that? i don't wanna meet his kid."}, {"x": "well, you knew you'd meet him sooner or later.", "y": "i was just hoping for later, like in 20 years when i'm a cougar and he's as hot as his dad."}, {"x": "robin, what's the big deal? he's just a kid. he's not gonna bite. he may bite. we're working on biting.", "y": "why is this kid around anyway? shouldn't he be with his mom? what kind of lawyer does this guy have if he has to take care of the kid all the time?"}, {"x": "a good one. he won full custody.", "y": "he won? he won. oh god, getting the kid is winning, isn't it?"}, {"x": "you're a big kids person, huh?", "y": "only the biggest ever. i think kids are so great. especially the little ones. you know, uh, pudgy, can't sit up, don't have teeth yet."}, {"x": "babies.", "y": "yeah, i like that kind."}, {"x": "well, doug's almost six", "y": "oh, six is great. you are gonna love six. six is when they really start to... i hate kids."}, {"x": "what? no no no. so you don't like kids, so what? i'm not looking for a mother for doug. why don't we just hold off on you meeting him?", "y": "yeah, let's take things slow."}, {"x": "hey, what's up?", "y": "it's here, lily. it's looking at me. the kid, what do i do?"}, {"x": "that's a bird's name.", "y": "no it's not. it's actually a type of bird."}, {"x": "my friend, patrick, has a parakeet named robin, so there. you wanna talk in morse code?", "y": "dude, i'm just reading my paper."}, {"x": "beep, beep beep beep, beep beep, beeeep. i'm starving. can you make me cereal?", "y": "sure."}, {"x": "it tastes better milk first.", "y": "it all tastes the same once it's in the bowl."}, {"x": "why are you wearing my dad's pants?", "y": "milk first it is."}, {"x": "miss aldrin says it's not nice to call people names.", "y": "well, maybe if they weren't such idiots, i wouldn't have to call them that."}, {"x": "that's what i said. you're pretty cool.", "y": "you too."}, {"x": "and i only stirred that with my pinky.", "y": "guess who loves robin? kids, kids love robin. doug thinks i'm pretty cool."}, {"x": "really, that's great. you and george, all thanks to me.", "y": "yeah, i'm gonna have to break up with him."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "well, tt's just getting a little bit too serious with the kid. you know, it's just not what i'm looking for. so, better that i break it off now before he gets too attached."}, {"x": "he drew it in class today.", "y": "oh crap."}, {"x": "that's totally you.", "y": "you guys are totally crazy."}, {"x": "hey, who drew the picture of robin?", "y": "it's not me."}, {"x": "you're joking, right?", "y": "it's not me."}, {"x": "hey, now that you're a mom, are you gonna start wearing those totally awesome jeans that go right up to your boobs?", "y": "do guys really think this is me?"}, {"x": "honey, it's you. and if you're gonna break up with george, you have to break up with his kid too.", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "yeah, you can't just abandon him. you have to talk to him. come on, robin, you know it's the right thing to do.", "y": "man. doug was right, you are a pain in the ass."}, {"x": "uh, ted, something wrong?", "y": "hey, doug."}, {"x": "are you here to see my dad? he's taking a shower.", "y": "actually, i came to see you."}, {"x": "i wrote a poem, you wanna hear it.?", "y": "sure, why not?"}, {"x": "to my new mommy. you're pretty, you're nice, and you smell like daisies.", "y": "oh, that is so sweet, even though it doesn't rhyme."}, {"x": "aunt robin didn't know what to say. this kid had never been dumped before.", "y": "we need to talk. i just think, um, we both could use some space right now. it's not you, it's me. i know this hurts but you deserve someone better. i'm just really trying to focus on my career right now, you know. i just hope we can still be friends."}, {"x": "i had so much coffee earlier, i need to run to the loo. hey dougie.", "y": "what the hell was that? doug that was my new mommy."}, {"x": "why would i draw a picture of you?", "y": "how many dates has she been on with your dad?"}, {"x": "two.", "y": "well, i've been on like five and you like her better?"}, {"x": "we just really connected.", "y": "and what about me? you think i go around pouring cereal for every boy in town."}, {"x": "why are you getting so upset, roberta?", "y": "robin. my name is robin. like the bird, remember?"}, {"x": "whatever.", "y": "so, that's it, huh?"}, {"x": "look, you're great, but...", "y": "yeah, there's always a 'but'."}, {"x": "i can't believe you got dumped by a 6-year-old.", "y": "whatever. he's a stupid head. i'm just, i'm done with kids."}, {"x": "what? there's no stigma anymore.", "y": "oh, there's a stigma. that's why people always say there's no stigma anymore."}, {"x": "she's not even on the hot-crazy scale. she's just hot.", "y": "wait, hot-crazy scale?"}, {"x": "anybody'd be stressed out meeting new people. she's not crazy. crazy generous maybe, buying us drinks.", "y": "no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no. barney and i are not together. no. no."}, {"x": "so, you're single.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "you're not the dean.", "y": "college, good times."}, {"x": "these have sold in japan. robin, have you ever sold anything in japan?", "y": "uh, no, but i would love to buy one of them if... where can i get one?"}, {"x": "i don't have a distributor here yet, but thanks for rubbing that in. why are you trying to undermine me in front of ted?", "y": "look, there's nothing going on between me and ted."}, {"x": "wow, that just came out of nowhere.", "y": "no, i'm just saying you don't have anything to worry about."}, {"x": "i wasn't worried. are you saying i should be?", "y": "no, i'm saying that you shouldn't be."}, {"x": "wait, you guys dated. for how long?", "y": "a year. but don't worry, the relationship wasn't that good. by the end, it was mostly about sex, which was not that good. but i was the problem. i'd just lie there. ted is very good. i'm sure he will get you where you need to go. can i buy your bags online?"}, {"x": "i know, right?", "y": "oh, congratulations, marshall!"}, {"x": "the fact that i found a p*rn starring a guy named ted mosby... let's do it!", "y": "oh, is that him? cause that ted mosby really knows what he's doing."}, {"x": "no, that's not him. what do you mean, \"that\" ted mosby really knows what he's doing?", "y": "oh, no! no, i meant, that ted mosby, he really knows what he's doing. like all ted mosbys. wow, nrdc! way to go, marshall."}, {"x": "marshall, your dad went through a lot of trouble to set this up. you can't just pull out at the last second.", "y": "apparently you can."}, {"x": "ted, ted, ted, guy in the hat! three stripes, ladies and gentlemen, i give you ted mosby, p*rn star.", "y": "i know what kind of plane this is. it's a \"boing\"."}, {"x": "more around the eyes.", "y": "oh, i do see that."}, {"x": "hmm. you're not wrong. according to the web site, of the far superior ted mosby... he's been in the business three months, and he's made 125 movies.", "y": "wow. that's 42 movies a month. who is he, jude law? right? he makes a lot of movies. i mean, not so much lately, but maybe, like, two years ago, you couldn't go to a movie without..."}, {"x": "oh my god. he's trying to seduce me.", "y": "so are you gonna go to dinner with him?"}, {"x": "don't wait up.", "y": "guys, guys, guys, check this out. ted mosby p*rn star's bio says his hometown is your hometown. shaker heights, ohio."}, {"x": "what? okay, this is getting creepy. who, who is this guy? i gotta find him.", "y": "well, it's your lucky day. he's gonna be signing autographs tomorrow night in manhattan at something called the adult video expo."}, {"x": "guys, it's 300 in the morning and it reeks in here.", "y": "ted said it was okay."}, {"x": "hy! my name is lily and i'm a shopaholic.", "y": "hi, lily. o, you guys don't do that here? sorry. proceed."}, {"x": "man, life is gonna be sweet!", "y": "oh my god lily, have you seen this kitchen?"}, {"x": "i know. it's... isn't it amazing?", "y": "what the hell are you doing? you can't buy this place; lily you have a debt of the size of mount waddington!"}, {"x": "waddington?", "y": "it's the tallest mountain in canada. it's like 4000 meters high."}, {"x": "meters?", "y": "ro, don't let marshall fall in love with this apartment."}, {"x": "i know, i know, i know, i know! but what do i tell him?", "y": "i-i don't know, tell him, tell him you saw a ghost. tell him it's haunted."}, {"x": "i know what you're thinking. i should tell marshall the truth. i've got the whole thing figure out. we'll apply for the loan under marshall's name, and he'll never need to know. and then in the meantime, i'll slowly work down my debt, right after i furnish the apartment. i saw this amazing leather sofa today.", "y": "you should be a reality show."}, {"x": "marshall, there's something i have to tell you, and i want you to hear it from me first.", "y": "okay, let me get this straight. you just snuck this girl into some stranger's apartment?"}, {"x": "works at every time.", "y": "wait. that time that you offered to walk my dogs when i went to visit my dad in vancouver..."}, {"x": "yeah. that little guy saw some stuff i'm not proud of.", "y": "wh-what?"}, {"x": "there was a fight here.", "y": "what do you mean?"}, {"x": "whenever marshall and lily have a big argument, they always leave a trail of evidence all over the apartment.", "y": "oh, god here we go. he had a detective club as a kid."}, {"x": "hum the mosby boys cracked a lot of big cases.", "y": "the mosby boys? you mean you and your sister."}, {"x": "we solved the mystery of the missing retainer.", "y": "let me guess, it was in the garbage."}, {"x": "why are you like this? anyway, this is serious. i know lily and marshall. all the tell tale signs are here. like this", "y": "a water bott."}, {"x": "just as i suspected, cherry garcia. given the liquid consistency, i place the fight between... noon and 1.", "y": "ew, that was on the floor."}, {"x": "marshall stood here. eating and yelling, yelling and eating. lily stood here. crying.", "y": "hey, ted!"}, {"x": "there'd be a bigger mess. tempted as he was, marshall was still too upset.", "y": "which is why this picture is crooked."}, {"x": "now that we need is a motive. the million dollar question what were they fighting about?", "y": "i know what they've been fighting..."}, {"x": "lily left the lid off... and marshall blew heads.", "y": "i know what they were fighting about, and it wasn't peanut butter."}, {"x": "just...", "y": "they were fighting because they didn't get the loan and it's all lily's fault."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "yeah, she has a pile of debt the size of mount... rushmore"}, {"x": "not lily and marshall, no way.", "y": "well, it's been nice knowing you guys."}, {"x": "what do you mean?", "y": "well, marshall's gonna get yyou guys, lily's gonna get me."}, {"x": "even if they break up, that doesn't mean we can't all hangout. i mean we broke up and we still hang out. it's not weird.", "y": "it's a little weird."}, {"x": "the world needs marshall and lily... together... i'm not crying, there's something in my eye.", "y": "they're back."}, {"x": "can i get you guys anything else?", "y": "so you're not getting a divorce?"}, {"x": "oh, thank god. cause, i mean, if you did then who'd be the lame married couple i get to make fun of? like 'hey marshall, you're married mrs right, you just didn't know her first name was always.' that stuff is cold.", "y": "so what's the annoucement?"}, {"x": "i'm gonna help marshall pay.", "y": "i'm gonna help lily pee."}, {"x": "yeah, this is going to be great. just the five of us, right?", "y": "oh, uh, that reminds me, i invited bob."}, {"x": "bob? you've been on, like, three dates with that guy. we haven't even met him.", "y": "well, he didn't have anywhere else to go, and i didn't know what to say. is it really that big a deal?"}, {"x": "yes. this is our first thanksgiving. 30 years from now, we're going to look at the photos and say, \"oh, there's the four people i love most in the world... and bob.\"", "y": "i'm sorry,sometimes i forget how seriously you guys take american thanksgiving. real thanksgiving happened over a month ago."}, {"x": "i'm sorry. did you just say canadian thanksgiving was and i'm quoting,\"the real thanksgiving\"? what do canadians even have to celebrate about?", "y": "canadian thanksgiving celebrates explorer martin frobisher's valiant yet ultimately unsuccessful attempt to find the northwest passage."}, {"x": "and thursday at 301 p.m., your face is going to show my hand.", "y": "oh, there's bob! by the way, heads up, he's a little bit older than us."}, {"x": "how old is he?", "y": "he's forty-one. hey, bob! over here!"}, {"x": "hey, sweetie.", "y": "hi."}, {"x": "they were totally on my case \"what are you gonna do with your life? you're forty-one.\" and i'm like, \"chillax, snowboarding is a legit career. you ought to be stoked i found my bliss.\" and speaking of bliss,sugar me, baby.", "y": "let's go get a drink."}, {"x": "sorry i'm late. where are marshall and lily?", "y": "uh, they just called. they're both super swamped preparing for tomorrow."}, {"x": "is bob coming?", "y": "no, he went to see green day."}, {"x": "...just the two of us.", "y": "making pies."}, {"x": "pies. they're things that friends make together.", "y": "yeah, they do."}, {"x": "great.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "great. well, this is great. it'll give us a chance to catch up.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "please, you took out all the suspense. in a horror movie, the k*ller does not grab a bullhorn and announce, \"attention unsupervised teens here at the lake house at precisely 300 a.m., i'm gonna jump out of that closet right there and hack you all up with a machete. p.s. fire is my one weakness.\"", "y": "hey, ted."}, {"x": "hey, happy thanksgiving.", "y": "you, too. is lily in the kitchen?"}, {"x": "yep.", "y": "great."}, {"x": "marshall?", "y": "lily?"}, {"x": "i wanted to leave, but i couldn't stick her with making all the pies by herself. she was exhausted.", "y": "i yawned like a million times trying to get him to leave."}, {"x": "yeah, some people just can't take a hint. by the way, i'm really swamped in here.", "y": "i kept looking at the clock and sighing... totally clueless."}, {"x": "uh-huh. i'm not sure i have time to mash those potatoes, you're standing right next to.", "y": "and then ted does the thing that he always does when there's an awkward silence."}, {"x": "yep. masher's right there, next to the pot.", "y": "he panics and says the first thing that pops into his head."}, {"x": "what?! i thought it would break the ice.", "y": "i'd already broken the ice with my cool pie fact. then he makes it ten times more awkward."}, {"x": "how do you respond to something like that?", "y": "did you know that the egyptian pyramids can be seen from space? probably?"}, {"x": "ooh, the oven's pre-heated!", "y": "okay, um... the pecan pie is gonna take the longest. why don't we put that one in first?"}, {"x": "pecan pie? why are we making that?", "y": "um, it's my favorite."}, {"x": "you're allergic.", "y": "i know. i just like smelling it. it's like eating with your nose."}, {"x": "so we're making a pie for bob.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "you know, you could have just told me it was for bob.", "y": "yeah, i-i just thought it might upset you."}, {"x": "upset me? wait a second. do you think that......do you think that i'm jealous of bob?", "y": "i don't know. is it so ridiculous to think that you might be?"}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "no, ted! what are you doing?", "y": "right?"}, {"x": "the only reason i'm jealous of bob is that we can only talk about the first thanksgiving,", "y": "come on."}, {"x": "the only reason i'm jealous of bob is because i heard noah gave him shotgun in the ark.", "y": "ted..."}, {"x": "the only reason i'm jealous of bob is that i'm just an architect, but he discovered fire. how do you top that?", "y": "he's 41! why are you bashing on him so hard?"}, {"x": "i'm not. i'm just joking around. that's what friends do.", "y": "it's mean."}, {"x": "well, how come we're all allowed to bust on barney when he dates some skanktron, but when you sleep with the crypt keeper's dad, i'm not allowed to say a word?", "y": "first of all, bob and i are not sleeping together. we're just dating. secondly, have i said one word about the parade of dubious conquests you've been marching past me the last few months? one of whom got you a butterfly tattoo?"}, {"x": "hey, that is...", "y": "and if you and i are such good friends... why is baking a pie for bob so weird?"}, {"x": "yeah, if you and i are such good friends, why couldn't you just tell me that's what we were doing? okay, maybe we should talk about this later. i-i should get going.", "y": "well, what are we doing? it's thanksgiving."}, {"x": "i don't know. i'm sorry. this is stupid.", "y": "i'm sorry, too. of course we're friends. i'm glad we're friends."}, {"x": "what the hell were you doing? let's review you and ted broke up six months ago. you're dating another man...", "y": "you are correct, sir."}, {"x": "...who's coming to my thanksgiving today...", "y": "that is a truth-fact."}, {"x": "...an event ted is also attending.", "y": "kablammo."}, {"x": "why are you trying to destroy american thanksgiving?!", "y": "oh, lily, it's not as bad as it sounds. bob and i aren't that serious, and what happened last night with ted was a fluke."}, {"x": "clearly, we need to ignore this.", "y": "clearly, we need to talk about this."}, {"x": "you know? to save the friendship.", "y": "we need to talk."}, {"x": "stuffed mushroom?", "y": "we need to talk about last night."}, {"x": "did you know that some mushrooms are carnivorous? probably... not?", "y": "ted, can we please just deal with this? look, i'm not mad. i just think..."}, {"x": "wait, wait, wait, wait. why would you be mad... you started it?", "y": "what?! you're crazy!"}, {"x": "we called a truce, we hugged, and when i tried to pull away, you kept your hand on my neck.", "y": "only because your hand was still around my waist."}, {"x": "oh, come on! you leaned into it.", "y": "i... leaned into it?"}, {"x": "yeah. you're like the crappy kid in little league who knows he's not going to make contact, so he just...\"oops, i got hit by the pitch. better take my base.\"", "y": "oh, that was you in little league, wasn't it?"}, {"x": "not too grownup. i made jell-o sh*ts. we're gonna get silly, b*tches.", "y": "look at us! we can't be alone together, can we?"}, {"x": "apparently not.", "y": "what does that mean? we're supposed to be friends."}, {"x": "we aren't friends, are we? not really. we avoid each other. we smile politely. we're two people who pretend to be friends because it would be inconvenient not to.", "y": "well, maybe we should stop pretending."}, {"x": "maybe we should.", "y": "so... what do we do now?"}, {"x": "i suppose... we eat dinner. and then that's it.", "y": "okay."}, {"x": "i thought we were done with that?", "y": "i guess we're not."}, {"x": "well, that's cute. but she's not my neighbor, she's my doctor. so if you'll excuse me...", "y": "wait, ted, barney has a point. remember what happened with me and curt down at the station?"}, {"x": "you must be robin.", "y": "yeah!"}, {"x": "curt \"the iron man\" irons. i'm gonna be doing sports.", "y": "oh, welcome. you look really familiar. are you a former athlete?"}, {"x": "the attraction is instant and undeniable.", "y": "i think i've got a little crush on our sports guy."}, {"x": "no! no, no, don't do it!", "y": "i know, i know but he used to play hockey, and i'm canadian. i can't help it. if he were missing some teeth, i probably would have already hit that."}, {"x": "that's the couples version of dating.", "y": "and you've got the couples version of the hots for them. oh, yeah, you want to browse at pottery barn with them. you want to go antiquing with them, don't you? oh, yeah, you want to antique the crap out of them."}, {"x": "i don't know. i'd expect you to have one already.", "y": "yeah, with some sort of catchy name."}, {"x": "barney, we love this bar. if you screxw over wendy the waitress, you're going to k*ll the bar.", "y": "bar k*ller."}, {"x": "and it was a huge mistake.", "y": "yeah, well... i think it'll be okay."}, {"x": "look, stella and i are adults; we're both smart, mature people capable of making good decisions.", "y": "you have a butterfly tramp stamp."}, {"x": "oh, ted, of course there's an upside. at first, that's step 4 perks.", "y": "we can split a cab to work together. we always have a standing lunch date. and last night, at the hockey game, curt got us into the locker room, and i met mason raymond. left wing for the vancouver canucks."}, {"x": "what the opposite of name-dropping?", "y": "damn it you guys, be psyched. yes, we see each other every day, but i think it's going really well."}, {"x": "but it wasn't.", "y": "it's fine."}, {"x": "...but he should be back on the mound by spring training and that's sport. back to you, robin.", "y": "thanks iron man we'll be right back."}, {"x": "and clear.", "y": "so you want to do something later?"}, {"x": "oh, so you're talking to me now?", "y": "what are you talking about?"}, {"x": "i'm talking about last night. you said you'd call and you didn't. i missed you and i waited up, but you didn't call. that really hurts.", "y": "oh, um, i'm sorry, i-i guess i just forgot."}, {"x": "which brings us to step 6. you finally realize you've made a huge mistake and now you have to live with it. step 6 is called purg... wait for it. keep waiting. keep waiting for the eternity only to dicover there's no escap-atory.", "y": "god, i'm such an idiot."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "curt \"the iron man\" irons keeps leaving me love notes on post-its. on the teleprompter, on my desk, on the coffee-maker, on the jar of sugar packets next to the coffee-maker."}, {"x": "\"here's some sugar for my sugar.\"", "y": "the iron man. oh!"}, {"x": "well, we love this bar. you can't dump her. marry her if you have to.", "y": "wendy the waitress hyphen stinson."}, {"x": "i don't like you.", "y": "we're pretending this works, but it doesn't. and i'm getting a little sick of the whole charade."}, {"x": "i mean, i don't like you that way. i used to like you that way but now that i've seen everything there is to see, i don't know, i kind of want to see those same parts just on other girls.", "y": "so maybe we could go back to just being coworkers."}, {"x": "or that. let's say it's that. so can i get a gin and tonic?", "y": "and now, here's curt \"the iron man\" irons with sports. curt? curt?"}, {"x": "well, the knicks lost. it's sad, really. they had a real sh*t. then, out of nowhere, game over. and why? why robin?", "y": "uh, well, their perimeter sh**ting has been a little bit off this season..."}, {"x": "the knicks lost because they were afraid of getting hurt. so they didn't even try. well, you know what i think? i think the knicks didn't deserve my love to begin with. kincks suck!", "y": "and that's sports."}, {"x": "you're welcome.", "y": "wait a second. you've been sitting here, pretending to be the expert on all this, but the truth is, this was no real fallout from your breakup at all?"}, {"x": "yet.", "y": "you're an idiot."}, {"x": "why would she think that?", "y": "did she see your tattoo and assume you were gay?"}, {"x": "it's okay. what are you guys watching?", "y": "thanks for watching."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "no... hmm. what could she mean when she says 'no'? i don't know, it is totally cryptic."}, {"x": "so we got off to a rocky start. that may be a problem for some guys, but i get better over time. right? i'm not some top 40 song... easily digestible. i'm complex. i require time and multiple listens. i'm 'stairway to heaven'.", "y": "wow, roger daltrey just rolled over in his grave. that's not the right guy, is it? he's not even dead, is he?"}, {"x": "is this lame?", "y": "oh, barney, no, no. we said no fireballs at the table."}, {"x": "what the hell is wrong with you?", "y": "there's alcohol in here."}, {"x": "you can't turn a \"no\" into a \"yes,\" ted. can't be done.", "y": "i don't know, barney. i mean, sometimes persistence pays off. i said \"yes\" eventually."}, {"x": "no, you didn't. you were like, \"no, we can't, we're friends. it would mess up the dynamic of the group.\"", "y": "to ted."}, {"x": "no, no, look right here. \"from the personal library of ted mosby.\" that's you.", "y": "ted, i hate to say this, but i think it's \"nail the receptionist\" time."}, {"x": "i know that you are because there's no such thing.", "y": "i got it a little bit."}, {"x": "something strange is going on. i was down at the hardware store trying to get a little somethin' somethin'.", "y": "wait. you go to the hardware store to pick up girls?"}, {"x": "there are four kinds of women who go to the hardware store by themselves.", "y": "of course there are."}, {"x": "oh. no. robin.", "y": "you're going blind, and you're trying to soak up all the beauty in the world before the darkness descends."}, {"x": "oh, barney, you're never gonna figure out which one of these is the mystery woman. all of these women have a right to hate you.", "y": "oh, lily, come on, lighten up. i mean, any girl who's gonna be with a guy like barney and do this or that, or this and that, or do this with those in that... i mean, she should have known what she was getting into."}, {"x": "the girl who thought he had 12 hours to live has way more cause to ruin his life than the girl he faked proposed to.", "y": "it's fake proposal girl. i mean, she hired a wedding planner!"}, {"x": "it's 12 hours to live! that girl flew them both to paris!", "y": "oh, she only bought him a one-way ticket!"}, {"x": "12 hours to live!", "y": "damn it!"}, {"x": "kidney!", "y": "jorge posada!"}, {"x": "you got to go scuba instructor.", "y": "you're kidding me!"}, {"x": "prince of norway! how could it not be prince of norway?!", "y": "barney, you're the tiebreaker."}, {"x": "sorry, but i did sleep with that girl twice. as barney and larney. okay, we're down to the final four. what do you think, people? come on, dig deep.", "y": "oh! i can't decide. it could be any one of them."}, {"x": "no, the worst part is that we still have no idea who my stalker is.", "y": "well, that's because you're going about this all wrong. i mean, why chase someone who's following you? all you need to do is go down to the bar, hit on someone, and wait until she turns up."}, {"x": "that's not a bad idea.", "y": "i'll pretend to be the girl that you're hitting on."}, {"x": "i don't know. that's a lot riding on a girl who giggles when she lies.", "y": "i do not."}, {"x": "have you ever fallen asleep while eating ribs?", "y": "no. look, i can do this, okay? i mean, how else are you going to find out who this girl is."}, {"x": "i'm in.", "y": "okay, here's how it's gonna work. now, lily..."}, {"x": "talking, we should be talking. words. here are words. why is this so hard? laughter!", "y": "and then i'll come in, looking hot as all hell."}, {"x": "wow, you are gorgeous. oh, god, i know that's awful.", "y": "i just, uh.... shh, go away. but come back later. and then barney will make his move."}, {"x": "hey, there, how are you doing?", "y": "fine, barney. i mean, um, fine, stranger."}, {"x": "wow, you really are awful at this, aren't you?", "y": "get your hand off my thigh, barney."}, {"x": "it's supposed to look like we're about to hook up, robin.", "y": "you know i'm curious. what do you say to these girls to get them to come home with you?"}, {"x": "usually i just lean in and whisper this one thing in their ear. you're a little turned on right now, aren't you?", "y": "no. oh. look, somebody's watching us. make your move to the bathroom."}, {"x": "what? what?", "y": "barney, i'm sorry, that's my friend sally from work. we just ran into each other."}, {"x": "ted, this is new york city... you're never gonna drive it. this is a really, really stupid purchase, and i'm sorry, but none of us can support it. shotgun for eternity!", "y": "you can't call shotgun for eternity."}, {"x": "i just called it.", "y": "you can't just call things, barney."}, {"x": "oh, baby, it's just not fair. you've been working so hard. late nights, weekends. i never see you. we've barely made love in weeks. it's bad, guys, mama needs her sugar.", "y": "look, marshall, he screamed at you, you took it. he probably respects you more for it."}, {"x": "i don't know what happened. there's just something about being yelled at like that, like i was being scolded by my dad. suddenly... suddenly i was a little boy.", "y": "is \"boy\" the right word?"}, {"x": "how the hell am i supposed to face this guy again?", "y": "here's what i would do if i were you."}, {"x": "hello, marshall. have you finally finished the ninja report?", "y": "yeah, i got it. right here. i think it's gonna blow you away."}, {"x": "please, i have a family.", "y": "so we good?"}, {"x": "we're so good.", "y": "then why are you still in my office?"}, {"x": "and i don't scream at my kids, none of whom have parents who work at marshall's firm.", "y": "so it's not a circle."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "hey, i was just heading to the bar. what are you guys doing out here?"}, {"x": "oh, i was just telling ted a story.", "y": "ooh, i like stories. you want a lick? what?"}, {"x": "is that ice cream cone big enough?", "y": "uh, it's delicious enough."}, {"x": "hey, what are you guys doing out here?", "y": "oh sweet, can i get a toot?"}, {"x": "oh, marshall, switch seats with me. i called shotgun for all eternity.", "y": "you can't call shotgun for eternity."}, {"x": "well, that's funny, cause i did!", "y": "it's case by case."}, {"x": "so, i got up this morning, its freezing. so i walked over there. and i don't know why i am still talking. because clearly we are all asking the same question. what in god's creation is going on with robin's breasts.", "y": "i know, right, isn't that amazing? i spent half an hour making these happen. its tape in there, cotton balls, half of a nerf football, but it works, right?"}, {"x": "totally. what's the occasion?", "y": "and old friend from canada is in town and i'm meeting him for a drink."}, {"x": "ooh! somebody you went to degrassi with?", "y": "no. actually, he was my first boyfriend."}, {"x": "so he's the guy who... how shall i say this like a gentleman? robin, did he take your maple leaf?", "y": "no, it wasn't like that."}, {"x": "yeah, i'm also \"oot. okay, now i'm really out.", "y": "well, i'm sorry, guys. it was all very tame. we only dated for a week and a half."}, {"x": "wha...? i thought you said you were together all summer.", "y": "yeah. summer in canada is pretty much the last week of july. anyway, one night, his band just finish playing this gig..."}, {"x": "yeah. i know. i figure we're about four or five gigs away from really exploding. we're gonna be big, babe. i mean, like crash-test-dummies big. so, that everything? all right. listen, babe... it's over.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "well, the thing is... her folks just put in a pool.", "y": "oh... so... i totally... i get it. pools are great. swimming's awesome. we have a sprinkler. run right through it. well, i should go."}, {"x": "uh... babe, wait.", "y": "yeah, simon?"}, {"x": "no! tell me you did not load the drum set.", "y": "i did."}, {"x": "oh! i know why. you're gonna win, aren't you?", "y": "i have no idea what you' talking about."}, {"x": "yes, you do. whenever you haven't seen someone for a long time, no matter how much you want to deny it, there's always a clear winner and a clear loser.", "y": "well, since you brought it up, let's add up the points."}, {"x": "you're starting out with two big ones right there.", "y": "thank you. okay. so, simon still lives with his mom."}, {"x": "point robin.", "y": "um, he never became a rock star."}, {"x": "point robin.", "y": "he now works at a water slide park outside of ottawa."}, {"x": "wait. do they have a wave pool?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "ah. point robin. that's five-zip. there's no coming back from that.", "y": "yeah, he's going down. i mean, unless somehow, he got hotter. there he is."}, {"x": "okay, what the hell just happened?", "y": "oh, come on, it wasn't so bad, was it?"}, {"x": "wow, look at you. you got old.", "y": "yeah. you look great. you got hotter, like that's possible."}, {"x": "so, simon, robin's a bit of a local celebrity here in new york. she's the lead anchor at metro news one. tell him, robin.", "y": "no. it's stupid. it's not cool, like simon's shirt."}, {"x": "well, it hasn't panned out yet, but the band's still going. about four or five gigs away from really exploding.", "y": "the foreskins are still playing?"}, {"x": "well, there's four of us, and we play without shirts. babe, seriously.", "y": "i know. i'm sorry."}, {"x": "oh, i was in her video.", "y": "starred in it is more like it."}, {"x": "robin, seriously, just make this easier on yourself and give us the tape.", "y": "no."}, {"x": "all right! you leave me no choice. from this moment on, i will spend every waking minute ching down this tape. i will not sleep. i will not eat. my life will be a living hell of search engines and overseas phone calls, chasing down something that possibly can't be found.", "y": "okay."}, {"x": "it's just... it was so hard to watch, robin. you're usually so cool.", "y": "i don't know what's wrong with me. i'm sitting next to simon, and suddenly i'm 16 again."}, {"x": "comparable.", "y": "whatever. it's over. i lost. i guess you, uh, you don't get second chance."}, {"x": "what happened?", "y": "he came by my place tonight..."}, {"x": "robin, this guy doesn't deserve a second chance. not after the way he treated you.", "y": "that was ten years ago. people evolve. i mean, are you the same person that you were in high school?"}, {"x": "i want her around all the time. i'd even consider not trying to sleep with her if that's what it takes. guys, i've decided to seduce michelle.", "y": "yeah!"}, {"x": "guys, that was great. let's take five. hey, babe, did you like it after my bass solo when i flicked my pick at you?", "y": "that rocked."}, {"x": "yeah. uh, 'cause i'm gonna need that pick back.", "y": "oh, uh, sure."}, {"x": "um, i think it... it's cool. you'll find it later.", "y": "oh, cool. i wish i didn't have to go to work in the morning."}, {"x": "oh, but, babe, you got to go to work. you got to play our demo on your show.", "y": "oh, well, you know, it's not a show. it's the news."}, {"x": "right. so you can be, like \"hey, did you hear there's some news? there's a rad band you guys should check out.\" and then play it. or just, like, the first three songs.", "y": "hey, a lot of puppies got adopted. of course, a lot of the people calling in thought we were going to k*ll them."}, {"x": "robin, the point is, what are you doing? i mean, this guy?", "y": "okay, you want the truth? yeah. i like simon. i do. we have fun together."}, {"x": "oh, we know you do, honey, but we're worried about you.", "y": "you're worried? okay, hold on. is there any version of this conversation where you guys don't sound like my parents?"}, {"x": "i don't know. is there any version where you don't sound like a 16-year-old?", "y": "that's exactly what my mom would say."}, {"x": "no. if i was your mom, i woulsay, \"we forbid you from seeing this boy.\"", "y": "lily!"}, {"x": "no, i'm sorry, but it's for your own good.", "y": "this is my life! you guys just don't get it! you've never felt the way that i feel!"}, {"x": "now, now. we were once young and in love, too.", "y": "yeah, like, a billion years ago."}, {"x": "you've been drinking, haven't you?", "y": "yeah, we all have. you bought the last round."}, {"x": "you're not going to that show tonight!", "y": "oh, yes, i am, and you know what else? tonight, after the show, simon and i are going all the way."}, {"x": "geez.", "y": "oh, hey, simon. great show. you guys still rock."}, {"x": "yeah. they totally dug my bass solo. man! why can't i always feel this alive?!", "y": "god, i just love seeing you so happy."}, {"x": "yeah. about that. listen, babe. it's over.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "well... i'm sorry, robin.", "y": "i'm fine, really."}, {"x": "great! i'm almost done with my dissertation. hmm. i'm getting a phd in behavioral psychology.", "y": "um, can i make an observation?"}, {"x": "all right. i can't find your video. i've wasted three days tr... what's the matter?", "y": "uh... simon dumped me in his van after the show."}, {"x": "yeah, robin, that was, like, ten years ago.", "y": "no, tonight."}, {"x": "ooh. really?oh! oh, come here.", "y": "it's just... when i was young, i was so... vulnerable and-and open to things, you know? and... i guess i just... i wanted to feel that way again. i wanted to be 16 again."}, {"x": "robin, that is the stupidest thing i've ever heard come out of your mouth. you want to be 16 again? i have watched your first robin sparkles video 1,000 times, and it's not because i'm proud of you as a friend. it's because you were totally, totally lame back then. but now, come on. pa-cow! you're the most awesome person i have ever known. well, second most awesome.", "y": "right. of course, the-the first being you."}, {"x": "no. no. the first is this guy who lives in a place called the mirror. what up?! i'm saying that you are way more awesome than simon ever will be.", "y": "barney, do you want to come back to my place?"}, {"x": "in my experience, the way this normally goes is, we lie here for a while, make a little awkward chitchat.", "y": "check."}, {"x": "then i make up some cabinet meeting, heart surgery, rocket test flight i've got to be at, slip out of the apartment and never call you again.", "y": "and later at the bar, you tell your good friend robin the story of your latest conquest, and she thinks to herself, \"who is this sad, self-loathing idiot who climbed into bed with barney stinson?\""}, {"x": "actually, you usually say that out loud. so...i just slept with my best friend's ex-girlfriend", "y": "and i just slept with my ex-boyfriend's really good friend."}, {"x": "best friend.", "y": "okay, here's the deal, barney. the second my feet touch the ground, this never happened."}, {"x": "okay. wait. right click, save as... into the.bpeg folder, and okay. this never happened. it's a good plan.", "y": "now we go back to exactly the way things were before."}, {"x": "okay. right. so, robin?", "y": "yes, barney?"}, {"x": "guess who nailed the chick from metro news one last night?", "y": "i'm gonna shower... till june, and, um, since you were never here to begin with, you won't be here when i get out."}, {"x": "although, i'm gonna be hitting it pretty soon.", "y": "yeah, you are."}, {"x": "ha-ha right. a great friend, by the way. the best. is it my imagination, or are these drinks getting smaller? if this were a doctor's office, they'd say, \"try again.\" how you doing there, robin?", "y": "i'm good."}, {"x": "liking video games?", "y": "i'm gonna get a drink."}, {"x": "i'll come with you.", "y": "okay."}, {"x": "god, this is awkward.", "y": "what is?"}, {"x": "being around ted.", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "because of our thing.", "y": "what thing?"}, {"x": "what never happened? what are you guys talking about?", "y": "nothing."}, {"x": "look, call me crazy. i just... i don't think having a goat in the apartment is a good idea.", "y": "hey, ted. you ready to, um... where'd the goat turd come from?"}, {"x": "how'd you know that was a goat turd?", "y": "well, it was either that, or a musk ox turd, and i figured,what the hell would a musk ox be doing in here?"}, {"x": "how does everyone know that's a goat turd?", "y": "barney told you."}, {"x": "i don't know what you're talking about,madam.", "y": "marshall, you can't look me in the eye, you're blushing, coughing, and your hands are shaking."}, {"x": "robin, come here!", "y": "ted is never finding out about this, you understand? because it never happened, none of us are saying anything. and don't even think about opening that can until i'm out of the splash zone."}, {"x": "hey, robin. come here!", "y": "what's up?"}, {"x": "anyway, uh, i came across this.", "y": "from my vacacation in vermont."}, {"x": "yeah. i don't know if you'd even want it, but if you do, it's yours.", "y": "i slept with barney!"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "it was just one time, it, it was the night that simon dumped me and i was in a really vulnerable place and i, i wanted to just pretend like it never happened, but i couldn't, and... i can't. i just, i had to tell you. and... i just hope that we can still be friends."}, {"x": "of course we can still be friends.", "y": "so you're not mad?"}, {"x": "why don't we just call duluth mental hospital and say my uncle linus can live with us?", "y": "yeah, lily, that may seem like a good idea after a couple of drinks but tomorrow morning you're going to want this thing out of your house."}, {"x": "oh, you should talk.you slept with barney.", "y": "marshall!"}, {"x": "i can't believe you did that. that's so gross. was it amazing?", "y": "what? i... lily, i really don't want to talk about this."}, {"x": "i know but it's barney. it's just hard not to be curious. did he have like devices and stuff?", "y": "lily,come on."}, {"x": "i miss barney. i haven't \"high five\" with anyone like a week. i think i might be starting to lose my fist bone careless.", "y": "let me ask you something ted. why are you so much madder at barney than me?"}, {"x": "yeah! she had just as much sex with barney as barney had with her.", "y": "you know what? i'm not sure that's true. i think i actually prefered if you are mad at me. this is too weird."}, {"x": "the last time stella had sex, the world was just learning about sars.", "y": "well, ted, what else did she said? did she gave you any kind of explanation?"}, {"x": "the last time stella had sex, the da vinci code had just come out.", "y": "well that's doesn't seem like that long ago."}, {"x": "not the movie, the book.", "y": "wow."}, {"x": "i really gonna have to bring my a-game to satisfy this woman.", "y": "yeah, it'll be pretty hard now that she's dead."}, {"x": "hey, buddy. i'm married, barney, i cannot be your new wingman.", "y": "no."}, {"x": "this is insane. has lily even worn half this stuff?", "y": "oh, yeah, like there's nothing in your closet you've never worn?"}, {"x": "as a matter of fact, no, there isn't.", "y": "whatever, red cowboy boots."}, {"x": "hey, lil, if i were to say \"ted could never pull them off,\" what would i be talking about?", "y": "his red cowboy boots."}, {"x": "oh, okay, uh, today's category classic westerns that involve red cowboy boots. ooh, ooh! robin.", "y": "\"the good, the bad, and the fabulous.\""}, {"x": "i don't want to sell my clothes!", "y": "oh, i know, sweetie. come here. is this a hundred percent silk?"}, {"x": "we've been sitting here for hours and nobody's even glanced at my painting. come on. let's start talking it up.", "y": "wow! i really like that painting! it's neat! the-the colors are neat. the-the shapes are neat. it's really just... neat. what?"}, {"x": "observe. i think there's a dynamic quality to the brushwork that, combined with the fluid composition, creates an almost kandinsky-like emotional resonance.", "y": "yes, and you can still enjoy it even if you're not a pretentious douche."}, {"x": "can you clarify something for me about your critique? are the colors \"neat\" or are they more \"neato burrito?\"", "y": "uh, then again, red cowboy boots."}, {"x": "this is great. my dream of becoming an artist is dead, and now i'm watching my wardrobe disappear piece by piece. there goes my favorite dress. this dress meant a lot to me.", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "i got a two-syllable \"damn\" in this dress.", "y": "a two-syllable \"damn.\" that's the dream."}, {"x": "yeah. now she belongs to... canadagirmetronewsone.com.", "y": "it's still in the family."}, {"x": "because i felt guilty. this auction was my idea and now you've had to sit around all day while a bunch of vultures ruthlessly pick apart the carcass of your wardrobe.", "y": "it's still in the family."}, {"x": "what are you doing?", "y": "is your favorite brand of dental floss poisoning your entire family? tune in at 1100 for the shocking... tooth."}, {"x": "ah, ah, it's her, it's robin. what do i do? no-no-no-no, aah! robin... great to hear from you. to what do i owe the pleasure?", "y": "you called, said..., and hung up. what do you want?"}, {"x": "how are you feeling today?", "y": "fine."}, {"x": "at what age did you first get your period?", "y": "did you just ask me about about my period?"}, {"x": "no, i did not.", "y": "look, barney, i'm at work right now."}, {"x": "so, robin... tell me about your day, and not just what happened, how you felt about what happened.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "i'm not looking to problem-solve, i'm just looking to listen.", "y": "why are you acting like this?"}, {"x": "like what?", "y": "you're being super nice. it's... freaking me out. be... gross, be inappropriate. be barney."}, {"x": "i'm being barney, and i think tonight's going to be de... wait for it... lightful. delightful.", "y": "right. so i went to the chiropractor yesterday. that guy bent me over the table and pounded me for a good hour."}, {"x": "is insurance going to cover that? sometimes they don't.", "y": "that's it? today i was at the dentist. that guy drilled me all day long. he drilled me hard. he filled all of my cavities. come on, man."}, {"x": "your teeth look fantastic.", "y": "who are you?"}, {"x": "thanks.", "y": "nothing? not even a glance? even i was thinking about rocking a motorboat on those bad boys. what the hell is wrong with you?"}, {"x": "i don't always want to be that guy. sometimes i want to be someone you can have an actual conversation with. now, tell me something about you that i don't know yet. seriously.", "y": "there's a job opening at a new cable network that would be perfect for me... completely legit world news, interviews with people who matter... but i decided i'm not going to apply."}, {"x": "why not?", "y": "because i'm a joke. i'm just the scary news lady from some stupid local news channel."}, {"x": "we both know you're more than that. promise me you'll apply.", "y": "it's not as easy..."}, {"x": "promise me you'll apply.", "y": "i promise."}, {"x": "to taking chances.", "y": "to taking chances."}, {"x": "of course it is. one more for the road?", "y": "yeah, why not? hold that thought?"}, {"x": "so, here's the deal.", "y": "april, have... you met barney? april just finished her shift, she's looking to blow off some steam."}, {"x": "would you excuse us for one sec? what are you doing?", "y": "you were so nice to me tonight, i wanted to return the favor, wingwoman-style. so, as i was saying, barney is the yankees' new second-baseman. and barney, april asked if tomorrow, you could hit a goal for her during the baseball match. you can't make this stuff up. so, you two kids have fun."}, {"x": "oh, we just got a new cook. you have to try the burger, it's amazing.", "y": "great, we'll take five of those."}, {"x": "really? you want to eat here?", "y": "yeah, i'm freaking starving. i just finished a seven-day cleanse."}, {"x": "i thought you started that yesterday.", "y": "i finished early, ok? five of those."}, {"x": "i can come back.", "y": "no. we always do this. we spend an hour arguing about where to eat, and we end up here anyway. i haven't eaten for two days. can we please, for the love of god, just order something now?"}, {"x": "chinese?", "y": "oh."}, {"x": "i just said i don't like chinese.", "y": "god."}, {"x": "robin, yours will be right out.", "y": "of course, mine comes last. go ahead, start without me."}, {"x": "guys, guys, guys. when you've had the best burger in ny, every other burger tastes like my grandpa's feet. but you guys eat up, enjoy my grandpa's feet.", "y": "and you've had the best burger in new york?"}, {"x": "damn it! where is this place?", "y": "you couldn't find it?"}, {"x": "wait, penny noir was a drag queen?", "y": "where do you think it was?"}, {"x": "oh, the corner bistro! it's amazing, i spent a quarter of my life searching for the best burger in new york city, but silly me, it never occurred to me to check the highest-rated burger in the zagat guide. wow, thanks a lot, guy. let me return the favor. great cup of coffee starbucks.", "y": "so i take it you've tried the corner bistro."}, {"x": "that's where my story ends. now i'm doomed to walk the earth forever searching for that green door and that red neon sign that says \"burger.\"", "y": "green door, red neon sign that says \"burger?\""}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "i know that place. i've walked by it a million times. it's on west 12th, right off of 7th."}, {"x": "i knew it was on a numbered street!", "y": "finally."}, {"x": "no! robin! if any of us is gonna eat a burger tonight, it's gonna be the best burger in new york. we're going downtown! he throws away the burger.", "y": "no..."}, {"x": "green door, red neon sign. guys, this is the place. i've actually, i prepared a few words.", "y": "i will eat your hand."}, {"x": "yours will be right out.", "y": "please, go ahead, start."}, {"x": "marshall, you might not want to hear this, but... is it at all possible this is the same", "y": "i mean, it is just a burger."}, {"x": "okay, look, so, so this, this isn't the place. all right, it's no big deal. it's another place with a green door and a red neon sign that says \"burger\". i'll just... i'll call every restaurant in manhattan and ask 'em what colour their door is. no big deal, right? let's do this.", "y": "i'm going to go out on a limb here and say this isn't just about a burger."}, {"x": "tell them about the underpants.", "y": "what about the underpants?"}, {"x": "everyone's got an underpants radius. for most of us, it's the distance from the bedroom to the bathroom, but as your self-esteem gets smaller, your underpants radius gets bigger.", "y": "how big is marshall's underpants radius?"}, {"x": "lily, i think we're all eating that burger.", "y": "i'm not eating that burger."}, {"x": "no, if marshall says this isn't the burger, this isn't it.", "y": "finally."}, {"x": "it was ri... it was right here. it was... it was right on this very spot.", "y": "i don't understand. where is the burger place?"}, {"x": "it's not a burger place anymore; it's a goliath national bank atm.", "y": "that's fine. let's just eat here."}, {"x": "we can't eat here. it's an atm.", "y": "but... food."}, {"x": "robin, no!", "y": "they're unopened."}, {"x": "give it.", "y": "they're barbecue."}, {"x": "you know, that burger place isn't gone. it just moved to a new location. and i can tell you where that is for a hundred bucks.", "y": "a hundred bucks? that's crazy."}, {"x": "well, the movers arrive in 14 hours. we have to go back to finish the boxes.", "y": "you have not finished? why is it so long?"}, {"x": "the best memories of our 20 years were held in it. it's not that throw stuff in a box. you look back at the past.", "y": "not me. the key? discard tips and not looking back. i go to japan. it took me half an hour."}, {"x": "a half hour?", "y": "i could take 20 minutes, but a friend called me in tears."}, {"x": "vive la vodka.", "y": "it will not work."}, {"x": "look at this. a photo of the day we moved. so many good memories.", "y": "well, that's exactly the kind of crap to throw away."}, {"x": "so you keep a photograph?", "y": "it's like love letters, directories or the ashes of people.they take up space. in addition, she will let you not keep half your mess."}, {"x": "you're also responsible for damage to robin when she was your girlfriend.", "y": "what damage did i do?"}, {"x": "do you remember the time you got drunk the pack of beer and you've become super canadian?", "y": "stanley cup game six? the rangers will regret having met with the canucks."}, {"x": "$ 20 if you manage to run it through the door.", "y": "you're more amazing than a tim hortons donut. timmy ho!"}, {"x": "give me the stick.", "y": "get out, bouseuse."}, {"x": "catch it, guys!", "y": "i'll break!"}, {"x": "come on, man. people want to see bruce banner.they want hulk. what?", "y": "i'm really proud that we have helped stewart."}, {"x": "i control. i can remove it whenever i want.", "y": "\"dear marshall, i do not like that stupid hat. i want to cut with a scythe. or, cut the chisel, for you looks like a real jerk. \""}, {"x": "p'tain.", "y": "self tanner? they entice you with a coupon, and after it becomes addictive."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "the magic tricks."}, {"x": "i can hear yours?", "y": "\"dear ted, it's encyclo-pe-die, not encyclo-pil-die. why you always want to say things so pretentious? looks like a moron, and it's cr-e-tin and non-cr-ay-tin. \""}, {"x": "you've already read the intervention on my pronunciation. where is the letter of stella?", "y": "i have not written. i am your ex. i told myself that everything i say is offensive. in addition, i am sexier it, so who cares?"}, {"x": "and we're here.", "y": "and we hope you're not sorry."}, {"x": "my cleats signed by bernie kosar. my lamp elephant.the english phone booth. my sombrero!", "y": "what are you doing?"}, {"x": "know that this is quite normal. the major change can be frightening, and fear... it is one of them. so... why not you give me the kn*fe? give it to me. go. that way i can unpack too. i will stay with you forever! we had a nice life here.that's why we rejected the package. because unconsciously, we all know that it would be stupid to leave. it's safe and warm here. there is a downstairs bar, a robot cookie in the kitchen.this is my house and i never leave!", "y": "listen up! you sound like that big beta colo. \"mom, dad, i want to go. cool boys play hide and seek with my inhaler. \""}, {"x": "i can not believe my father had read this letter at our wedding.", "y": "you can not do that to lily. your new apartment a few problems with the floor not right and the sewage treatment plant next door, but you will make a great home. tell her, lily."}, {"x": "this is the black hole where dreams go to die. i move it, either.", "y": "come on."}, {"x": "guys, finish unpacking. i will bake cookies to fill r2-plump.", "y": "my god, what a band of cowards! frightened by the slightest change. terrified by all that is new. desperate to cling to your comfort zone. i can not go to japan. what was i thinking? it's so far. i speak the language. i have not even good pictures of you."}, {"x": "and you should move into the new apartment, and robin should go to japan.", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "what? why?", "y": "it is french, it's like playing tennis without a net."}, {"x": "so, let's raise our glasses of scotch at $ 2 500 for a year of hell.", "y": "amazing."}, {"x": "i would much red bull.", "y": "wendy, you can take a picture?"}, {"x": "we need you to come, this is my marriage.", "y": "i can not. i am in tokyo. this is my first week. i can not leave like this. in addition, i am finally serious information."}, {"x": "this is my marriage. you gotta be there.", "y": "ok, i'll be there. i gotta go. good evening. and i'm robin scherbatsky. the talks have been arrested in the middle east. despite a promising start in the final negotiations, the talks foundered on security."}, {"x": "it's weird. not what you imagine is to see her boyfriend's ex marriage.", "y": "your new husband dismounted me out three times a day."}, {"x": "co-witness, i'll handle this.", "y": "hello?"}, {"x": "robin, where are you?", "y": "i'm off to the airport."}, {"x": "sorry to have run away like that.", "y": "it's ok. can you imagine not traveling i did. i was on a plane, a whole day. but it was worth it to see you get married.how i would have missed it..."}, {"x": "you can not come to the wedding.", "y": "thank you god!"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "it's weird."}, {"x": "it's not weird.", "y": "it's weird. you know how it feels to be one of the former married?"}, {"x": "it was broken, there is more than a year.", "y": "yes, but it's not that long ago. see you marry another woman is not really something i look forward to. i just thought if i changed my mind about marriage and children, it was nice knowing you were there."}, {"x": "so, i was your backup plan. it's flattering.", "y": "that's not it. it's just..."}, {"x": "why do you mention that? there was nothing between us.", "y": "maybe so. i mean, of course it does. the kind of thing that leaves no one fell swoop. i'm not a guest over."}, {"x": "it's true. we went out together, but... we have moved on.and we got what we wanted. i marry, you have the job of your dreams in tokyo. and they lived happily...", "y": "i quit my job."}, {"x": "you what?", "y": "i return to new york. i thought i wanted this job, but...getting back to my real life. and you should go back to yours."}, {"x": "what does that mean?", "y": "you married. listen, this is precipitated. it's as if you started a book by the end. you are the most romantic. you stole a blue horn for me. you tried to make rain."}, {"x": "i did the rain.", "y": "it was a coincidence. after all this is how your romantic quest comes to an end? you hide in the wedding of another in his house in his life, without thinking twice. this is not the end spectacular than you deserve. it's not ted mosby."}, {"x": "big fight?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "there you go. it is for me.", "y": "you stop it. my god, so, stop."}, {"x": "let's go to your room. far from it. and can be the whistle.", "y": "i have no room. in fact, i thought i could stay with you."}, {"x": "no problem. i just need to tidy up a little. of clothes on the floor and...", "y": "and a girl naked, tied to your bed."}, {"x": "the towels in the bathroom, a real mess. so, give me 10 minutes... to restore order...", "y": "in addition, barney."}, {"x": "hey, man.", "y": "you wanna hang out?"}, {"x": "we are concerned that you faced not what happened with stella. do you remember when lily left me? how i buried my emotions?", "y": "yeah man, you've been a rock."}, {"x": "it is between the 44th and lex. impossible.", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "it is near the gym stella. we could cross. everywhere else, it's going.", "y": "ok, how about hurley's?"}, {"x": "of course. look at this.", "y": "it's that thing?"}, {"x": "this is ridiculous.", "y": "the sea is blue."}, {"x": "i actually remember it. oh oh!", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "i will not in this table. possibly, in this one.", "y": "she turns around."}, {"x": "how dare you pronounce this name to me?", "y": "who is gazeur?"}, {"x": "lily, you're all been there. when we loose one, it's not pretty.", "y": "you did what?"}, {"x": "it made me always feel guilty. but if gazeur... michael...came now, as hard as it may be, i would go to gazeur...michael... and i should settle things between us.", "y": "clearing the air, as before. oh, man. it does not happen often. you are welcome."}, {"x": "do you mind?", "y": "who is becca delucci?"}, {"x": "it comes back. we all think that you need... wait, where is barney? we think you should talk to him.", "y": "not me."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "if the last person i wanted to see, came in i would not talk to him."}, {"x": "who is it?", "y": "my father."}, {"x": "from robin's father.", "y": "i have not spoken to him in 3 years and i want to start now."}, {"x": "why?", "y": "it goes back to my birth."}, {"x": "come on, give me my son. grows.", "y": "he wanted a son and the fact that i am a girl has not changed."}, {"x": "how so?", "y": "my full name is robin charles scherbatsky, jr. and it only got worse."}, {"x": "trivia, rj sh**t a deer is the most noble goals.", "y": "but they're cute."}, {"x": "you said the same about our rabbits. you remember how they were delicious?", "y": "my body started to change..."}, {"x": "wait a second. sorry, continues.", "y": "it was increasingly hard for him to act as if i was a boy."}, {"x": "i can not believe you hast missed the last sh*t, silly.", "y": "you're an idiot."}, {"x": "it's sad for your father, robin, but congratulations for this game.", "y": "and kyle and i are doing anything serious. it was only the blue line."}, {"x": "the blue line?", "y": "you know when you're a kid, you give the terms of hockey at all? the blue line is the kiss, the red is to be naked, and i think that \"crease\" speaks for itself. after that, my relationship with my father has cooled. i moved with my mother, let my hair grow, was a canadian pop star. young normal stuff."}, {"x": "you do not think you'd feel better if you talked to him?", "y": "that's just it. it would be useless. this is history, it's done. i would say what? \"i wish not to be raised as a boy, that thou teach me not to hunt, fish and smoke cigars and drinking scotch because girls do not do that. and you know why i run like a girl? because i am one. \""}, {"x": "you kept it for quite some time, eh?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "i will face it.", "y": "this is so exciting."}, {"x": "come on, ted. she left you on the altar.", "y": "i understand!"}, {"x": "wait, wait! where it goes? his taxi has missed the exit for the lincoln tunnel.", "y": "why take it away to bring him back in new jersey, anyway?"}, {"x": "yes, ted. come on, buddy!", "y": "get rid of your demons!"}, {"x": "are you kidding? i have hated as soon as i saw them. so they are cannon. in fact, i've hated almost as much as robin when i've ever known.", "y": "you hate me?"}, {"x": "now?", "y": "push yourself. i recorded the view. this problem and was unemployed and sleeping on the couch."}, {"x": "so, robin, when you're in for the job and apartment?", "y": "are not you aware? i am a presenter on cnn. and i have made gold a terrace overlooking central park. get out of your ass's head, marshall."}, {"x": "just a dinner. that's it. nothing else.", "y": "okay, but you better not be as they stuck together when i cans on the roof. \"my ears. the neighbors called the cops.you almost hit me. \""}, {"x": "thank you for coming so quickly.", "y": "are you okay? you looked upset on the phone."}, {"x": "dinner, it's a baby!", "y": "lily, it's horrible!"}, {"x": "no, i need you to clarify a situation for me.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "we can not decide for you. it's huge.", "y": "you know what is huge? marshall's head. it is as big as a watermelon in late august. marshall's baby who is passing by?"}, {"x": "he thinks what?", "y": "a lot of things in the helmet of the space of 50 years who serves as its head."}, {"x": "you panic and you see only bad side.", "y": "i think it's just realistic."}, {"x": "ok, i know you're afraid of not being ready. but we think ever be. you just take the plunge and it will come naturally.", "y": "of course for you, it is natural, you're practically already a father."}, {"x": "what are you talking?", "y": "ted, thoughtful. you go out jokes father of super lame."}, {"x": "a cereal k*ller! a cereal k*ller!", "y": "you make us moral. like when you broke your ship in a bottle."}, {"x": "that's it!", "y": "shut up!"}, {"x": "i'll tell you why my opponent says it all. three words fear of... babies.", "y": "what? you're crazy. this is false."}, {"x": "where the party that lily had done for her friend erika?you do feel for this baby?", "y": "i do not want to bite."}, {"x": "yes, i'm lovely, beautiful and brilliant, but it's enough?", "y": "it comes down to one word \"you\". are you ready to put your dreams in the background? back in college, taught art at the university? you have to concentrate on the project before starting lily baby project. otherwise, you'll regret it forever.and it would be good neither for you nor for the baby. what is it?"}, {"x": "the sock jeremy. i will make a baby.", "y": "well, and everything i said?"}, {"x": "but sock.", "y": "and marshall who works all the time?"}, {"x": "but sock.", "y": "but but lily project!"}, {"x": "with small fish.", "y": "we had this debate, and this is the sock that makes you make the decision?"}, {"x": "i think you're taking a \"chausettogari\", eh, robin?", "y": "shut up, dad."}, {"x": "you, shut up, baby-phobic.", "y": "babies are scary, ok? with their giant eyes. and seriously, the fontanelle? if there is a self-destruct button, at least, hide it where it will not accidentally press."}, {"x": "where is lily? you have to drink?", "y": "not a drop."}, {"x": "i dream, it has been lost.", "y": "that's why i have no children. we can not even taking his eyes for a second."}, {"x": "i'm all out of \"a\" to \"g\".", "y": "they sit there with their stupid bottles. they cry. they vomit. that's why babies, it sucks."}, {"x": "that's good that we have broken. i had totally forgotten your psychosis on the kids.", "y": "my psychosis? whenever you hear the word \"kid\", you have two small milk tasks on your shirt."}, {"x": "god thank you, you're not my mother. you're an ice queen. all you have breastfed baby by a frozen brain.", "y": "do not depict me as a monster for wanting to remain independent. in there is a lot of people who do not want it."}, {"x": "you're in good company there.", "y": "i'll see if the toilet. i also want to bring you back buffer."}, {"x": "okay. when you have finished, you could ask a magician to heart.", "y": "you know what? i should find another place to sleep."}, {"x": "no argument.", "y": "well."}, {"x": "guys, you did not... this is a picture of me without children. and with macaroni glued to the frame. guys, i love it.", "y": "lily is not there."}, {"x": "your cell phone rang. i answered. hope it bother you. lily is at marshall. she is fine.", "y": "thank you god. what?"}, {"x": "when storing your mobile, i found something in your bag.", "y": "i have a permit for that. and the other thing is a gift."}, {"x": "you've stolen the ca sock jeremy.", "y": "no. i do not know what she's doing there. it must have fallen into it. bizarre!"}, {"x": "\"falling in? \"", "y": "or lily put it there for fun. that bitch is stuffed. i took it.it's just... so cute. sock."}, {"x": "robin scherbatsky, you get the idea of having children?", "y": "i know. one day, perhaps. when i'm 70. science will catch me. i'm just... i'm lost right now. i'm unemployed, i live on a couch."}, {"x": "there were two difficult months both. i have a room free.why not come to me in the meantime?", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "thank you, ted. i have some ideas, so it will be one week, two large max."}, {"x": "no, ted. it works for girls.", "y": "look at these guys, individually. these geniuses are not childless by choice, my friend."}, {"x": "good night, barney.", "y": "good night."}, {"x": "well, a teacher at my school, jillian, a birthday. what?", "y": "it's just that... i have never heard of this before jillian, and suddenly, it's your best friend. you do not stop talking about her."}, {"x": "do not be jealous. we hang out together all the time.", "y": "yeah, but marshall is still there. there was not much time to talk, just us two."}, {"x": "this is false.", "y": "this is where the story gets really good. so it goes..."}, {"x": "hi.", "y": "... place. and then this... guy talking about this thing with the stuff of which i spoke the other day about this place.well, anyway... it happened."}, {"x": "my god. you and the guy the mayor's office did it to the un under the office of ambassador of zaire? cool.", "y": "i wish we had time for girls. i love marshall, but i am not free to express myself."}, {"x": "come with me and jillian, then.", "y": "ok, but i want to stay too late because... do you remember... this thing last month after going there? you know who said it was going, but she gave me tips."}, {"x": "well, you renovate the library nouillorc.", "y": "that's great!"}, {"x": "i hate them. swedish architecture collective.", "y": "no one."}, {"x": "seriously, barney, from what i've lived with stella, i have this opportunity... it touches me.", "y": "your friend has a birthday here? she has what, 19?"}, {"x": "i swear, at school, jillian is not so woo.", "y": "it was not like a woo. perhaps it is that holidays like mardi gras and the day of the year. maybe this is a cyclical woo."}, {"x": "wooo!", "y": "so, jillian, it seems that when you not flash the bartenders, you are mistress of ce1. how is it?"}, {"x": "finish your beer. fill the machine.", "y": "it's been what?"}, {"x": "ted did not get the job. but this is not the biggest disappointment of the day.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "you were seen to woo.", "y": "given that, do woo?"}, {"x": "you who did woo?", "y": "i have not done woo."}, {"x": "oh, yes.", "y": "that's not true."}, {"x": "your nose is growing. you've become best friends with jillian now?", "y": "it's just... you're married, i'm still single. whenever i'm with you, i'm usually the 3rd wheel. sometimes it's nice to go out with other singles and doing stuff you do not."}, {"x": "like what?", "y": "as to woo, lily. as to woo."}, {"x": "i can woo.", "y": "that's not true."}, {"x": "but if.", "y": "it's not you, that."}, {"x": "my god, girls. yesterday, we collected $ 10 000 for my charity that fights illiteracy children. it's a real problem.", "y": "someone won a trip buttocks until the first dance floor of the canyon of spanking!"}, {"x": "wooo!", "y": "what are you doing here?"}, {"x": "the same things are funny as singles.", "y": "that's what the fireman's helmet?"}, {"x": "i had no cowboy hat, and it was the day of fire safety at school... my god, ***** s. this is our theme.", "y": "really? who sings that?"}, {"x": "come and dance.", "y": "lily, it does not work. you should not be there."}, {"x": "i get it. because i am happily married, i'm a schmuck?", "y": "on the contrary. why do you think the woo woos have to when they win a drinking game? or when a guy takes off his g*n t-shirt? because that's all that life brings. these are...people really sad. and when she go out with someone who has it all, someone like you, it's disappointing. it takes them woo."}, {"x": "you say that to make me feel not like an old married.", "y": "look at those girls. look at them and listen to what they mean woo."}, {"x": "the poor girls... and ted. i want to give them a hug.", "y": "right now i am like them. i have no job, no boyfriend, i'm confused. so... occasionally, i need to woo, but when i need to talk about something concrete, it is to you i turn. you're my best friend."}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "drop it!"}, {"x": "don\u2019t use my name!", "y": "put the g*ns down, now!"}, {"x": "goes like this. you're on a first date, you've had a few drinks. you make an excuse to go up to the girl\u2019s apartment.", "y": "so, the bathroom\u2019s right there. okay, thanks. you know what? i\u2019m gonna grab this."}, {"x": "so, this is what it\u2019s gonna be like, us living together? i come home, and guys you\u2019re dating are just gonna be sitting on the couch, naked?", "y": "i wish i could say \u201cno\u201d."}, {"x": "i still cannot believe \u201cthe naked man\u201d worked on you.", "y": "what can i say? i went in there, and he was naked. it was funny. i laughed, he laughed. and then it just kinda happened. i don\u2019t know."}, {"x": "whoa!!", "y": "excuse me?"}, {"x": "i\u2019m sorry, robin, but you hooking up with this guy makes it seem like the only thing standing between you and sex is clothes.", "y": "i didn\u2019t just sleep with mitch because he was naked."}, {"x": "then why did you sleep with him?", "y": "because... he... he... because i care, about mitch. a lot. there was a... connection of specialness. of specialness and feelings."}, {"x": "you're welcome. there\u2019s also reveng, rebound, paratrooping. you know, when you go out of town, but instead of getting a hotel room, you go straight to a bar with the sole intention of hooking up with a girl, so you have a place to stay?", "y": "oh, you mean \u201cbanging-for-roof\u201d."}, {"x": "slut!", "y": "i don\u2019t do it. my college roommate did it."}, {"x": "okay.", "y": "he-said-he-loved-you-but-you\u2019re-not-ready-to-say-it-back-yet sex."}, {"x": "the only weird thing i ever did to you was open up my heart and soul, when all i had to do was strip naked while you were out of the room.", "y": "i didn\u2019t sleep with mitch because he was naked. mitch and i have something special. i mean, fingers crossed, guys. he may be the one."}, {"x": "no, barney, this is the eighth outfit i tried on tonight. i got my hair cut three times, i\u2019m a nervous wreck.", "y": "are you wearing makeup?"}, {"x": "well, i really like that girl, but oh! i didn\u2019t see her from the back. i really like that girl. and i\u2019m willing to jeopardize our future together for one night of glory. naked maaan!", "y": "mitch, hey, baby, it\u2019s me. robin. do you wanna grab some dinner tonight? because you're basically my boyfriend!"}, {"x": "the \"burt reynolds\".", "y": "it\u2019s so great to see you again. i really had a great time last night. so, what is it like managing a cpk? i mean whose idea was it to put a pineapple in this\u2026"}, {"x": "okay, stop right there. i know what this is. i\u2019ve been on this date before. this is the \u201ci\u2019m not a slut\u201d date.", "y": "what? that\u2019s crazy. usually, you read me so well, but this time you\u2019re wrong."}, {"x": "come on, robin. one of us has had a good time last night, and we both know it was me.", "y": "mitchell something, that is just not true."}, {"x": "really? how was the sex?", "y": "i didn\u2019t hate it."}, {"x": "robin, you\u2019ve seen my move. that\u2019s it. i have nothing else to offer you. i\u2019m broke, i sweat when i eat, and i\u2019m in like, five different fantasy football leagues. it\u2019s all i talk about. trust me, you don\u2019t wanna be around that. what? yes, i do.", "y": "what? yes, i do. look, i didn\u2019t just sleep with you because you were naked."}, {"x": "oh, my god! guys, guys, guys! this is him! this is the naked man.", "y": "ted, his name is mitch. and... he\u2019s my boyfriend. so\u2026"}, {"x": "it\u2019s okay, robin. i no longer call slut.", "y": "okay. you can go. we\u2019re done."}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "put it!"}, {"x": "do not say my name!", "y": "ask your weapons!"}, {"x": "that's the trick. you're the first date, you've had a few drinks, you go out an excuse to go to the girl.", "y": "the bathroom is. you know what, i will respond."}, {"x": "so, it's going to be, a roommate? i come home, and guys with whom you will go out sitting on the couch, naked.", "y": "i can not tell you."}, {"x": "i can not believe that \"the guy with hair 'market has on you.", "y": "how do you say? i entered and he was naked. it was funny. i laughed, he laughed. and then it happened. i know not."}, {"x": "i say ***** s!", "y": "sorry?"}, {"x": "sorry robin, but cate with this type suggests that all that separates you from sex, it's the clothes.", "y": "i have not slept with mitch because he was naked."}, {"x": "so, why did you lie?", "y": "because... it... it... because i like mitch. much. there was a... connection specificity. specificity and feelings."}, {"x": "you're welcome. there is also \"revenge\", \"bounce back\", \"parachuting\". when you're traveling, but instead of going to the hotel, you'll live in a bar to find a girl to get a foothold.", "y": "oh, that, \"the kiss for a roof.\""}, {"x": "***** s!", "y": "i do not. my roommate in college did."}, {"x": "\"curiosity,\" style, \"me have always wondered how to do this is with a great girl.\" big guy not a girl, just great. like...if a normal girl was 2.10 m, 2.25 m high, and... wearing a mini denim skirt. i wonder how it is.", "y": "sex, \"he says he loves you, but do not want to say the same.\""}, {"x": "the only oddity that i did was to open my heart and my soul when i had put me to hair when the room was empty.", "y": "i have not slept with mitch because he was naked!mitch and i have something special. my fingers are crossed.that may be correct."}, {"x": "this is the eighth place i try tonight! i cut my hair 3 times! i am out!", "y": "you're makeup?"}, {"x": "the \"burt reynolds\".", "y": "it's a pleasure to see you again. i really enjoyed it last night. so how does it feel to hold a pizza hut? who had the idea to put a pineapple in the..."}, {"x": "ok, enough. i know what it is. i have already given. this is the hot date \"i'm not a ***** s\".", "y": "what? it's crazy. usually, you see clearly in my game, but there you are mistaken."}, {"x": "really? how was the sex?", "y": "i have not hated."}, {"x": "did you see my technique. that's it. i have nothing to offer you. i am ruined, i sweat when i eat, and i'm in fantasy football leagues 5. i talking about it. believe me, you want to be.", "y": "what? of course i do! i did not sleep with you just because you were naked."}, {"x": "my god! guys, guys! that's him! this is \"the guy naked\"!", "y": "ted, his name is mitch. and... this is my boyfriend. so..."}, {"x": "okay, i'll treat you more ***** s.", "y": "okay you can go. it's over."}, {"x": "we lost barney.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "the fighting is for dummies. we are civilized people, civilized people not fight. except with a lightsaber, but that's in for 3 or 5 years...", "y": "that's not true."}, {"x": "i'm on the forums every day. in 3-5 thanksgiving, i d\u00e9couperai turkey with my saber green.", "y": "no, i say there are plenty of legitimate reasons to fight, it is perhaps not beautiful, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do."}, {"x": "yes, i forgot. she is sexy fights.", "y": "no, it's true! i love it! i have a culture of hockey. if a guy is a fighter, it is rather sexy. and scars, seriously! if a guy has one, it has a robin. and if he lost a tooth, i lose my panties."}, {"x": "no, barney hit us head to pretend. without in december ', marshall!", "y": "just look at that eye. you look like a bad boy. i did not know you had it in me. you. that you had it in you."}, {"x": "you... want to touch?", "y": "my god, it's hot!"}, {"x": "you spoiles? no. i'll tell you what i did...", "y": "tips to captain the football team because he gave you his ring and you were so cute in your evening gown?"}, {"x": "you gotta help us, marshall. we're the three musketeers! if i let ted i how long?", "y": "barney? i was looking for you. i have tickets for the hockey game tonight. it's stupid. want to go? it can run late, we could go see a drink after."}, {"x": "robin, i'm afraid.", "y": "yeah, doug sees someone?"}, {"x": "apparently, uncle marshall and his brothers did more than fight.", "y": "marshall looks like. he lost weight?"}, {"x": "it is freezing outside. where is your jacket?", "y": "i'm canadian. no need to coat. this kind of weather does not scare me."}, {"x": "damn. this is barney.", "y": "and?"}, {"x": "i played hockey today. i hurt my knee.", "y": "you went to the hospital?"}, {"x": "i poured beer on it. i miss the game of the vikings.minnesota!", "y": "i love the guys here. this is real guys. without shampoo or manicure. the guys from new york are 10% chick."}, {"x": "okay. it's been two beers and bemidji... who ordered the mini burgers?", "y": "my god! this is fisherman's quest? i played all the time fq at the time!"}, {"x": "oh, yeah? i have the best score. without boasting, i caught... a pike of almost 1 m. the biggest fish virtual nobody has ever taken. finally... freshwater.", "y": "i'll take my hat fisherman. thank you for bringing me here. this is mine."}, {"x": "and i espionnerai. and sh*t!", "y": "\"i drink to forget the 1999 nfc championship\"?"}, {"x": "my father, i had never seen him cry in my life, wiped away a tear. he said... \"a small part of me just d*ed, son. \"", "y": "i love the passion you have for your vikings. it's like looking for hockey in canada... what?"}, {"x": "do not let... anyone here know that you're not from minnesota.", "y": "why? they will do anything q'ils learn that i am..."}, {"x": "dude, did you see this guy! so, robin, are you coming from?", "y": "bemidji. bemidji, minnesota. go vikes!"}, {"x": "hi everyone!", "y": "so my father and i were in the nfc championship game by 99."}, {"x": "i said, good evening everyone!", "y": "and when we missed the penalty and lost..."}, {"x": "holy sh*t!", "y": "holy sh*t! f*cking. my father that i had never seen him cry in my life, wiped away a tear and said, \"a small part of me just d*ed, son. \""}, {"x": "\"son\"?", "y": "that's what i tell my son. if i am fortunate to have a son, i will call rashad tarkenton."}, {"x": "beautiful story! but it seems a bit familiar.", "y": "i know! they all bought into."}, {"x": "i see what you do.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "i've brought here because... i was sorry for you. and there, it looks like you're trying to steal my bar.", "y": "you think i'm trying to steal your bar? host."}, {"x": "\"host\"? are you canadian?", "y": "no, i..."}, {"x": "if you want to imitate a canadian, just turn off the light and act as if you were afraid!", "y": "what was that?"}, {"x": "with the nearby canada, minnesota, we like to make jokes on your back and they are often on the same theme.", "y": "as fear of the dark?"}, {"x": "yes. for example, everyone, how many canadians does it take to change a lightbulb? \"what? no, the bulb is dead? i'm afraid! \"", "y": "this is stupid. why do you think canadians are afraid of the dark?"}, {"x": "where do prejudices? a stereotype appears, and suddenly, it spreads like fire. asians misbehave, the scots are stingy, the brazilians are too many stamps. i doubt it works.you can not hang out with people who belittle your beloved country. i take you back.", "y": "no, wait. i have something to say. everyone. let me tell you something about canadians."}, {"x": "please, no scene.", "y": "why canadians are not of birthday wishes? because they are too afraid to put out the candles. my god, i love this place!"}, {"x": "you can catch two fish with a hook.", "y": "no, but i can catch a fish and use this one to catch the other."}, {"x": "... who was the scorer who missed the penalty?", "y": "rashad tarkenton."}, {"x": "goodbye.", "y": "you know what? i'm glad you know it because i am proud to be canadian. it was not a good nfl team or prince, but we invented trivial pursuit. anything, the earth! in addition, in canada, you can go to a strip club full of alcohol and order. and yeah. moosejaw in the bay of fundy, you can whistle your pint of pilsner while watching a minor girl to get naked. jealous? in canada, people do not care where you come from, as you are whisked away nice and possibly a cigarette, or when a donut. i am proud to come from the \"great white north\"... and i want to be right now. and was not afraid of the dark. finally, we do not really like, but like everyone else."}, {"x": "sorry about what happened inside. i was stupid. i should say anything.", "y": "i'm sorry. that was your cue. i should not have my own.but every year during the holidays, i am homesick. and so far, every year, i had a reason to stay a boyfriend, a job or something. but... this year, for the first time, i have nothing."}, {"x": "but if.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "we love you all. if you ever leave again in canada, we jump on a plane, you are pursuing, and after that barney has dragged some of the club with which you have spoken, we will bring you here where you are supposed to be. this is not new york without robin scherbatsky.", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "i miss sometimes. i wish i could close my eyes and find myself one hour in canada."}, {"x": "i was hoping that you say that.", "y": "how did you find this place?"}, {"x": "just like home, eh?", "y": "there's only one way to know."}, {"x": "sorry. i had not seen. are you okay?", "y": "it's ok."}, {"x": "ok, i apologize. take a donut, it's a gift.", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "ok. you come home in him, he apologized and you file a donut free?", "y": "it's like home."}, {"x": "it looks good. i'll do.", "y": "there's no more milk."}, {"x": "i saw in the fridge.", "y": "empty."}, {"x": "so, throw it.", "y": "the trash can is full."}, {"x": "so, take out the trash.", "y": "i eat cereal."}, {"x": "you know, when i asked you to be my roommate, i said, \"a girl, she will be careful.\" but no, you're an ogre revenge of the nerds.", "y": "you know what? instead of coming with references typical last minute like that, you should spend some time, i dunno... washing a dish."}, {"x": "damn, i can not. i'm busy leave a plate of cookies for the elf magic puts toilet paper. wait, there's no elf. it's always me!", "y": "i always changing. you, never!"}, {"x": "this is ridiculous!", "y": "no, i went there yesterday... stop it! stop it! my god, what happens? when we were a couple, we lived together and we almost went insane."}, {"x": "i know. it's been what?", "y": "you know what this is? we made love. men and women need sex to live together. it resolves all disputes."}, {"x": "well, i think we should love again.", "y": "yes, of course."}, {"x": "biking upside down. well, listen. if it should happen on occasion, they say nothing to anyone. sold.", "y": "sold."}, {"x": "it's a great idea. no, really. hat guys. i saw in the future and everything works perfectly for everyone.", "y": "why are you here anyway?"}, {"x": "i understand. no problem.", "y": "if this is a problem. you've done all the way here to read a magazine? i am willing to bet that there is a place to read this magazine at work. you know, a room with a little man on the door?"}, {"x": "hey everybody, look at what marshall will do!marshall will read an old magazine in the bathroom that you all share with him.", "y": "have you thought about maybe not reading a magazine when you read a magazine?"}, {"x": "anyway, i'd rather do it here.", "y": "no, i'm sorry. this is our house now. marshall, you should also read a magazine. give me your key."}, {"x": "you... have slept together. what are \u00e9pouv...stouflant. epouvstouflant. well done, ted. bravo.", "y": "it seems more important than it is."}, {"x": "no. it could ruin your friendship. when two former try the \"right opportunity\", someone always ends in pain.", "y": "we will not get there, ok? nobody will get hurt. it has established rules."}, {"x": "rule number one purely physical relationship. there are no feelings.", "y": "this is like telling fonzie be cool."}, {"x": "and since it's just physical, it was not to worry love.", "y": "you can do it watching tv!"}, {"x": "absolutely! let's multitasking. use sex to spice up the boring activities.", "y": "as folding laundry."}, {"x": "it's not very hygienic.", "y": "yes, not that one."}, {"x": "problem solved. in fact, the credit goes to barney. this idea just your thing on the world peace.", "y": "yes. thank you, barney. you were right. peace was established. more than once."}, {"x": "there's something liberating not to take it seriously.", "y": "last night we did when i answered the phone."}, {"x": "wonderful, we still speak of that!", "y": "look, it's a private thing between me and ted."}, {"x": "burrito. carnitas burrito.", "y": "have you booked a hotel room just to read a magazine?"}, {"x": "i think so. you still have drank all my milk!", "y": "we can make love."}, {"x": "hello.", "y": "hello."}, {"x": "it was fun last night.", "y": "sure, it was a good one. personal memo leave it lying around the pizza box more often."}, {"x": "wait. maybe she has not found it weird.", "y": "it was weird. bizarre, weird, weird. b-i-r-a-z-r-e.bizarre."}, {"x": "that's not how it is written.", "y": "come on, lily. do not your ted."}, {"x": "i warned you. when ex relapse, ultimately, it hurts someone. but nobody is listening. this is the story of my life.my nice face that prevents people listen to my message.", "y": "what do i do?"}, {"x": "i think so.", "y": "this is for the best. it was fun, but i do not want it becoming weird."}, {"x": "i do not either.", "y": "colocs?"}, {"x": "but they say nothing to anyone. okay?", "y": "sold."}, {"x": "sold.", "y": "dude!"}, {"x": "it did not last long.", "y": "actually, what you did not care for us? i thought you had the perfect plan."}, {"x": "ted, i must tell you the truth. i love... tacos. what are you doing?", "y": "i go step-louse. if you are looking for ted, he was released. and... our little arrangement is... completed, by the way."}, {"x": "really? that's wife... vantable.", "y": "epousvantable?"}, {"x": "yes, it is \u00e9pousvantable. what has happened?", "y": "he insisted. he said \"no longer able to do\" if \"it hurt someone.\" i think we all know who he is talking about."}, {"x": "oh?", "y": "it's not obvious?"}, {"x": "it is?", "y": "yes. this is ted. you know how it romantic. he can not separate the physical emotion. it is kind of..."}, {"x": "i love you.", "y": "right. it's not like you, you know? in addition, we are friends. i want to complicate matters by committing. hanging out with friends never works. so... you want to go eat a taco?"}, {"x": "a taco?", "y": "you love them, right?"}, {"x": "just.", "y": "come on, i'm hungry."}, {"x": "i have a bingo.", "y": "thanks for stopping by. i hacked the thermostat for 1 h before it was seen that the intercom."}, {"x": "yeah, i heard you moan from below.", "y": "the theft of lily's tonight, you're really not looking for it?"}, {"x": "as i said, when you grow up, our relationship matures with us.", "y": "knowing your wife, she'll still bring you back a pack."}, {"x": "puget stout. the choicest of beverages from seattle.and speaking of pack...", "y": "what are you doing?"}, {"x": "dude, carl is going to k*ll us if we turn not everyone immediately. i'm serious. he promised not to mess. okay, you score a point. the bar is open! who wants a beer?", "y": "i always find it silly. what happened to \"when you grow up, the relationship matures with us\"?"}, {"x": "it's just something lily read in \"psychology.\" it's good, she read in \"cosmo\". okay, i read in \"cosmo\". well, it was in \"cosmo girl\". drive, ok?", "y": "why make a fuss a little ritual is abandoned."}, {"x": "it's more than that, ok? this is our little rituals. you know what we did when i got home?", "y": "i do not wanna hear about f*ck like rabbits."}, {"x": "now, when she calls, i let the answering machine.the answering machine!", "y": "how dare you?"}, {"x": "no.", "y": "all of these little rituals, nice, cute... this is stupid. say what we ate? they look like kids playing in the dinette."}, {"x": "maybe you think it's stupid because you've never had a relationship that lasts long enough for that.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "you know nothing of love. you're like a robot that someone would cry and say that... \"why this human leaking?\"", "y": "really? okay... robot mode station-you-on-the-aisle-in-waiting-for-excuse-of-the imbecile."}, {"x": "a snowplow arrives. we must leave.", "y": "you think being in love, it's just to have pet names. or let the words stupid or darken in the blizzard for no reason."}, {"x": "you know what will happen?", "y": "you know what you are? you're a snob of love. there's lots of ways to live a relationship, you would know if you left your little club \"snob love.\""}, {"x": "we'll be buried under the snow, that's what will happen.", "y": "nothing to be done. i will not sit here and insult me.we're not going to the airport. we go. it's been what?"}, {"x": "robin, i'm sorry. you're not a robot. if you are, you are a very advanced model, and the human race has no chance. you did not choose to show your love through rituals tacky, and that's good. but maybe we did that because we have always done and we know no other way. what i know is that if there sitting alone at the airport, i have to go get her.these are the rules.", "y": "close your eyes."}, {"x": "i know not how you thought i draguais you, but...", "y": "do it. now, go find your wife."}, {"x": "where is she?", "y": "seattle."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "his flight was canceled. he has never taken off."}, {"x": "she would have called me and...", "y": "i still think it's stupid."}, {"x": "it not return until thursday. it was all the way here and not return until thursday. i feel stupid. listen, they say nothing to lily about everything, ok? especially the part where thou dredges.", "y": "i've not dredged."}, {"x": "it's crazy that metro news one sends you this letter now.", "y": "yes, i went for 4 months."}, {"x": "and only 60% of them are prisoners.", "y": "these guys think what? i am far from my phase \"dating a prisoner.\" it's like \"hi, i am over 19 years.\""}, {"x": "the daughter of the lottery is there.", "y": "i'm sorry for these women. this is where careers go to die on tv."}, {"x": "what happens after that is out of the jacuzzi. great?", "y": "hi."}, {"x": "how was the audition?", "y": "i went very confident. i knew it was just me against two other girls."}, {"x": "i listening.", "y": "hello."}, {"x": "hello.", "y": "robin scherbatsky. and you are?"}, {"x": "you have obviously never been to denver.rochelle harper, news center 12. it was just the first string for the rockies... 5 years on.", "y": "i was a presenter here for metro news one."}, {"x": "presenter. you must have a mirror finish.", "y": "sorry?"}, {"x": "what is yours?", "y": "i always ended up with a simple \"all of us at metro news one, have a great evening.\""}, {"x": "it's terrible. and bad... also.", "y": "it's not over."}, {"x": "leave covered?", "y": "i will not be a presenter at channel 10, right?"}, {"x": "the problem may be your cv. have you seen like mine is ventilated? yours is too busy.", "y": "as if everything on your resume is so important?\"program director, radio wesleyan university\"?"}, {"x": "dr. x? you always talk to dr. x?", "y": "who is dr. x?"}, {"x": "bizarre. look at what is mixed with your fan mail.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "it comes from the ministry of immigration.", "y": "the postmark date of two months. my god."}, {"x": "what has he?", "y": "my work permit. if i can not find a job in the coming...seven days, they will refer me to canada."}, {"x": "i can not believe you that turns the country.", "y": "i know. my whole life is here."}, {"x": "no, guys... it does not work like that. robin will have its license if it works in his field. you could stay if you got married to a u.s. citizen. yes, it might work. no. the procedure to formalize it would take too much time. it will not work.", "y": "i'm screwed. i send my demo for 3 months and nothing."}, {"x": "maybe there is something in it that people do not like.we'll watch it, ok?", "y": "good question, norm. for the first, i was an intern for channel 22 in red deer. alberta. in canada. the snow falls hard enough, but these intrepid fishermen are still happy to contribute to the gathering of bass fishing lake athabasca, a tradition of 1 august to you, norm. what? it was my first job. it shows where i come from."}, {"x": "yes, why not? many companies have a basketball team. they like that tonnerrevanille can still crash into the net.", "y": "we called you tonnerrevanille?"}, {"x": "ok, no. they call it like that because it is very common among ballet dancers.", "y": "tell me, other girls in your class have the dancer's hip?"}, {"x": "insensate-ule.", "y": "make me one."}, {"x": "now, we talk about it.", "y": "what? i will be deported. i would try anything."}, {"x": "ok, we should get started. i have much to sh**t, i can not use the tapes i have of you.", "y": "bands on me?"}, {"x": "what does it mean to be a reporter for you?", "y": "since i was little..."}, {"x": "cut! you're mired in details. we need you to be vague, at ease with buzzwords like \"synergy\" and \"dynamism\". you can invent a word, as... \"relationality.\"", "y": "how does make me feel stupid commit somewhere?"}, {"x": "all right. do not do it. there are many exciting stories to cover in canada. i just read it, the nephew of the mayor of winnipeg went fishing on the ice and took a pole of 7 kg live from the worst place in the world, i'm robin scherbatsky.", "y": "rotate the camera. connectitude."}, {"x": "i like it.", "y": "transformatation."}, {"x": "come on!", "y": "relationality."}, {"x": "super! thank you, herm.", "y": "these clothes are ridiculous. in addition, the armor of the amazon princess itch."}, {"x": "showdown. you're not the first to wear it here. but it expresses the power. and that, too. now, i need you break these 15 bricks with your forehead.", "y": "what? but you do anything in your video. you were right next to a horse and sitting on a motorcycle."}, {"x": "i am a man. you're a woman. assume that you can do nothing. you must prove that society is wrong.", "y": "i can not break 15 bricks with my forehead."}, {"x": "there is more in 1950. yes, you can.", "y": "i'm off."}, {"x": "why?", "y": "it will not help me find a job. i'm going to evict. i know what to do. this is where the auditions for the daughter of lottery?"}, {"x": "it creates suspense.", "y": "and the lotto numbers for tonight are... 17..."}, {"x": "yes, she looks super wicked. you can repeat \"17\" for us?", "y": "17."}, {"x": "let me try something. try to be a little disillusioned.", "y": "disillusioned? on the 17th?"}, {"x": "... sparkle.", "y": "17."}, {"x": "i think so.", "y": "i remember the night before. they made me a farewell party. they gave me a camera to take pictures and send them home. everyone was sure i will have much success. you will really miss."}, {"x": "oh, my god. it's horrible. it'll be along to commute.", "y": "what do you mean?"}, {"x": "i've finished your video resume myself. i posted it to all channels of the city. a guy called from channel 8. he adores you. he wants you to pass an audition.", "y": "my god!"}, {"x": "i said no. robin scherbatsky do not audition. he is given the job or anything.", "y": "so, i have the job."}, {"x": "no. he cursed me and hung up. but after channel 12, called. they'll love it too. they offer you to host their new talk show in the morning.", "y": "it's amazing!"}, {"x": "i sent them sh*t.", "y": "dude!"}, {"x": "it's ok. later.", "y": "how did you do that?"}, {"x": "i am the master of possimpossible.", "y": "yes. thank you."}, {"x": "the other day i saw him in a flower shop on the 82nd, he bought roses.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "yeah. it is even more in manhattan. where does this girl?", "y": "we talk about a woman that barney stinson has worked. i vote for narnia."}, {"x": "nice to meet you. i feel i already know you. barney can not stop talking about you every day.", "y": "you call your mother every day?"}, {"x": "hello.", "y": "hi."}, {"x": "will in, little rascal! i'll see you at the bar?", "y": "what's that, barney?"}, {"x": "it's a long story. as you know, my father had to leave my mother when i was a baby because he became presenter of the just price.", "y": "very good program."}, {"x": "at least one person who still loves to play. i miss that.", "y": "you do not like playing the son of barney?"}, {"x": "i hate. but what can i do? i get no phone call.", "y": "i know what it is. i am a presenter. but i had to accept a job on a morning show that starts at 430. i thought evolve much faster than that, you know? i'm almost 30 years."}, {"x": "come on, you're still beautiful. i love your new nose.", "y": "i have not had surgery."}, {"x": "i can make another cast. will remember your sentences for the big dinner scene.", "y": "wait. you wrote that we will have dinner?"}, {"x": "just a little script. things that my mother will be pleased to hear.", "y": "what kind?"}, {"x": "no weak link in this scene. bravo!", "y": "come on, barney. you have no idea of the difficulty of getting a job beneath you. i really liked your tip on the bones of dinosaurs."}, {"x": "how were my tears?", "y": "perfect. you see? even in a role that you hate, you manage to love what you do."}, {"x": "it may be like that in your new job.", "y": "you think so?"}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "thank you, grant. you're pretty smart, you know that?"}, {"x": "promise me one thing. if ever you meet someone special, do not run away. do not like me. take a chance, okay?", "y": "the taxi is here."}, {"x": "and i just wanted to say, if i was never cold or distant, i'm sorry.", "y": "who speaks it?"}, {"x": "get off me!", "y": "wait. it's really funny?"}, {"x": "he forgot his pants!", "y": "he forgot his pants. it's pretty funny. less than a chimpanzee wearing two tuxedos. i mean, he... he forgot that he was already one? moron, the monkey."}, {"x": "karen.", "y": "she came to see you in college and when you had my back turned, she brought the guys in your room?"}, {"x": "so you really think that i should not call?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "3 they make you really want your business.", "y": "as my lunch with curt."}, {"x": "as my lunch with nicole barsamian.", "y": "who is nicole barsamian?"}, {"x": "robin, i will have to borrow the butt of your g*n.", "y": "i still lost. you come to believe?"}, {"x": "it was great. there was an odd moment near the end.", "y": "how to say goodbye in these situations? a kiss on the cheek, too familiar. a handshake, too formal."}, {"x": "you can not change the subject like that.", "y": "the pants."}, {"x": "assh*le.", "y": "what do you mean by linger?"}, {"x": "ted horn, critique my painting, anything, that's your business. but i catch you eyeing the mess of my guy and you lingered? you'll be received well.", "y": "the game is the game"}, {"x": "relax, it was just one night! and three after. and one morning. but at least i had pants. even if, in fact, i had not.", "y": "it happened to us? where was i?"}, {"x": "you know the sleeping pills you take for your crazy schedule? they are stronger than you think.", "y": "do not worry. i will say nothing to marshall."}, {"x": "ted, that's for sure, it's fun to look back when you were a farm girl fresh complexion and a virgin. but all that stuff... ohio, karen, in college... it was a.s. \"before stinson.\" now your life is great! okay, you still live with your ex, which is ridiculous. laser tag your skills are almost nonexistent. and your wardrobe, it's like, what, you're allergic to fabric quality?seriously, pull yourself together. what are we talking?", "y": "what is the result with the bimbo?"}, {"x": "damn! stop changing the subject. you have gone too far. you are complicit in breaking the heart of this poor guy.and you, you are best placed to know how it feels.", "y": "you really do speak of your pants?"}, {"x": "more...", "y": "is that all? it's the story?"}, {"x": "it's unfortunate!", "y": "disgusted!"}, {"x": "they are real diamonds?", "y": "yes. yes, absolutely. thank you."}, {"x": "i did not say that i loved.", "y": "i got a great deal..."}, {"x": "i'm sure that minors exploited in sierra leone you would type in five if they still had their fingers. but it's nice.meet me at the top.", "y": "they need a finger to do what i think."}, {"x": "for us, karen is an idiot. for him, this is the first to have touched his penis in hand himself, his mother and pediatrician.", "y": "it's almost 2am. i must work."}, {"x": "how can they call it a \"daily\"? 4h, it's still the middle of the night. you impressed me.", "y": "it's been almost a month. i'm used to. and then the show is not bad, right?"}, {"x": "i've never seen.", "y": "you've ever watched?"}, {"x": "i've never seen.", "y": "your favorite item?"}, {"x": "i've never seen.", "y": "have you ever looked."}, {"x": "i just said.", "y": "i know, this is basic and bland, and it is smaller audiences than the korean channel that does that kim jong il by the horse. but, friends, it would touch me to know that at least once you look."}, {"x": "you know what? this friday, everyone will come home at 330. we leave the pajamas and watch his show.", "y": "you're the best."}, {"x": "my god, what has happened?", "y": "you have not seen the show?"}, {"x": "the show! sorry. it happened something?", "y": "the routine."}, {"x": "lily has just told us it made us break.", "y": "what? we do break? what does that mean? and why they wear a night gown?"}, {"x": "where do you see yourself in five years?", "y": "and you?"}, {"x": "you would surely be in tokyo or paris.", "y": "i would surely be in argentina."}, {"x": "in argentina?", "y": "or tokyo, or paris."}, {"x": "we have a deadline, does not it?", "y": "my god."}, {"x": "come, let's check.", "y": "so, without you we would come out still together?"}, {"x": "or you'd been together too long, and would have had an incredibly bitter break without even remain friends, and we would never become best friends.", "y": "do not say that."}, {"x": "it is what happened to your jacket?", "y": "soot, breadcrumbs, placenta. you have not even registered?"}, {"x": "i realized that no matter what my friends think of my girlfriend, but it really matters what my girlfriend thinks of my friends.", "y": "so, it's over?"}, {"x": "yes. if you wanna be my guest, lily is a sacred stove.", "y": "beef pie, macaroni and cheese, butter cookie house."}, {"x": "normal marshall dies at age 68.", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "it makes you wonder.", "y": "if it had not been there, we always go out together?"}, {"x": "maybe. she was right. we were not ready. we needed to move forward, we do our stuff. it is always the case.", "y": "we should make a pact. if the years pass and only 40 years old, one is always alone..."}, {"x": "will you be my wife back?", "y": "a girl dreams of hearing those words. a million times, yes!"}, {"x": "for me it would be hugh jackman.", "y": "you know, the celebrities, they like really weird sex stuff. believe me."}, {"x": "how do you know that?", "y": "it's embarrassing, but i... i came home one evening with a celebrity."}, {"x": "my god! seriously?", "y": "he wanted to do weird things with me, so i left. that's it.end of story."}, {"x": "but before you poursuives, i'm flattered, but technically i'm not a celebrity. also, one last time, the mask, it was a joke.", "y": "not you, barney."}, {"x": "now you've spun him hiccups.", "y": "i'll tell you anything specific. but all i will say is that he is canadian, but you know it. and he brought home by offering to show me a single collection."}, {"x": "what do you mean \"collection\"?", "y": "as you collect stamps or coins. but i say nothing."}, {"x": "tell us at least the weird thing he wanted to do.", "y": "i know not what you call it, but we have a name for it in canada. listen, i've already said too much."}, {"x": "so the mystery celebrity who collects something mysterious asked you to do a mystery canadian sex act.", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "tell us.", "y": "i'll tell you. but only if you correctly guess the three parties."}, {"x": "it is simply impossible.", "y": "right."}, {"x": "what is a zamboni with 2 hands?", "y": "well, the only thing that carries the woman is skates with his hands."}, {"x": "pack milk manitoba?", "y": "it's like the moustache of chicago, but the person below wearing a combi."}, {"x": "a lobster trap of newfoundland?", "y": "i dunno, i want to know. these people are crazy."}, {"x": "well, i decided my first proposal.", "y": "okay, but i say only if you find the person, the act and the collection."}, {"x": "well, i'm starting. bryan adams. he collects baseball cards and he wanted to make you... an oily kayak.", "y": "no."}, {"x": "wayne gretzky, former hot wheels, an eskimo kneeling.", "y": "no."}, {"x": "kiefer sutherland, souvenir glasses, tights and a pancake.", "y": "no. i would have accepted it."}, {"x": "alex trebek, a guardian event\u00e9, teddy bear!", "y": "no."}, {"x": "it has nothing to do! i lost one month of my life to work on a dead project. i could have spent that time to find new contracts. instead, i'll go tomorrow morning and probably get fired. best screenplay, my boss yelling at me going in front of everyone.", "y": "for me, it's called a..."}, {"x": "anyone of rush, a meat pie from montreal and a lunchbox superhero.", "y": "no."}, {"x": "rick moranis, the reverse rich moranis, of jewish antiquities. i give up. it's been three days that i seek. i stop. if that means i could ever be.", "y": "well."}, {"x": "tell us about it!", "y": "you really want to know?"}, {"x": "yes!", "y": "but this info does not leave the table."}, {"x": "i will read it. let's go. \"the frozen snowshoe,\" \"old king clancy\", \"the plateaux of harvey.\"", "y": "so?"}, {"x": "who the hell... the old king clancy is?", "y": "this is not the person is the sexual act. it's like the sacramento turtleneck, but with maple syrup."}, {"x": "and fame, this is harvey l\u00e9plateaux?", "y": "no, it's the collection. harvey trays. these orange trays they give you when you eat at harvey. restaurants? will you take a trip on the trans-canada highway, you have a hollow between milverton and wawa, where you stop eating, eh? at harvey. more than 12,000 customers!"}, {"x": "so fame was...", "y": "the frozen snowshoe. oh, my god! you know racket jelly? this is the most famous pro wrestler of canada. i met him after his victory over rick \"the daredevil\" at the rogers memorial arena in kamloops in 2002. a classic."}, {"x": "so you say you racket jelly invited him home to show you trays of harvey, and you've asked him to do an old king clancy?", "y": "right. and i'm serious, do not tell anyone."}, {"x": "no list of murtaugh.", "y": "what is the murtaugh list?"}, {"x": "\"riggs. \"i'm too old for this stuff. in fact, it's lethal w*apon?", "y": "i know. it looks pumped. an old cop associated with a young and rebellious. it reminds you of anything? mackleroy and lafleur. do not tell me you have never seen mackleroy and lafleur. this is the best action movie of all time canadian. mackleroy is a young mountie whose horse is k*lled by evil americans, and lafleur, his old partner grumpy and afro-canadian, just buy a nice fishing shack in northern alberta..."}, {"x": "hi, baby. good workout.", "y": "what? it's still one-man band? because it was crap."}, {"x": "it works for me. robin, you do the honors?", "y": "an agreement of honor!"}, {"x": "come on guys, you do it!", "y": "are you sure you want to do that? you know how it is."}, {"x": "\"to pierce the ear. \"done. well, i go to a laundry at my mother. do you mind if i use your futon?", "y": "there is no futon."}, {"x": "put it there, guys.", "y": "what's the matter?"}, {"x": "it's on the list. \"landing on the futon with a friend rather than going to the hotel. \"", "y": "i'm too old for this stuff."}, {"x": "no, it's just the raver's hump. i like it. it brings me closer to my glass. a youth! you should have a straw?", "y": "there's a side admirable in its way to remain young.who wants to be old?"}, {"x": "this guy. life is a meal and old age, the dessert. i get so many worries about the future. where will my career? who will i marry? when you're old, you do not worry, because all this has happened before. you got pumps and a comfortable seat for the stairs. that's perfect.", "y": "it's not perfect, it's pathetic. you can not skip to the end.the best thing is the journey."}, {"x": "hi, this is barney.", "y": "and robin."}, {"x": "we can not answer because...", "y": "he watches football and i'm..."}, {"x": "part shopping. leave a message, you are reminded...", "y": "... soon..."}, {"x": "\"making an autoresponder message to two annoying.\"done. it will probably cost me a few appointments, but it's okay.", "y": "your ear begins to feel."}, {"x": "i hate to refuse, but you told me that the turkey was extremely thin, and see for yourself.", "y": "okay. it's good. you have your own list."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "a list of things that you are too young. do all these things and tell me if you still want to be old."}, {"x": "bet held.", "y": "an agreement of honor!"}, {"x": "it... \"helped to move the sixth floor walk against pizza and beer.\"", "y": "or you helped steal the sixth floor. they were in a hurry and left the pictures."}, {"x": "ted calls. i want to go.", "y": "okay. i call it. but it is 430 am. it will not be awakened."}, {"x": "it answers?", "y": "i have not called yet."}, {"x": "no tone, kenny. good job. thank you very much.see you later.", "y": "as a manager, i threw in the towel. this bet is over.your ear looks like a danish pastry in a french breakfast."}, {"x": "it happens. i found these weird russian beers, in the basement.", "y": "the russian beer? i will take a bierofski. bierofski. got it?"}, {"x": "thank you. and thank you for letting me use the apartment.", "y": "yeah, sure. anything you want."}, {"x": "a little thing, do you mind to cut off the tv during labor?", "y": "it's not work!"}, {"x": "sorry. it's just... i can not concentrate during the wheel of fortune... a penny saved is a penny, helen!", "y": "i know you're nervous, but we must stop procrastinating. you've spent two days to choose the pen official mosbius designs."}, {"x": "welcome to mosbius designs.", "y": "who are you?"}, {"x": "pj, the assistant of mr. mosby.", "y": "what's going on?"}, {"x": "i would not refuse a cup of coffee.", "y": "you're right next door!"}, {"x": "pj is a great help. install the desktop, create the web site. and in return, i guide a young brilliant mind.", "y": "yes, the guide."}, {"x": "all right.", "y": "this idea of being a guide is to procrastinate the fact of calling customers."}, {"x": "i do not procrastinate. i just want everything to be perfect, right? i have only one test.", "y": "okay, but pj does not help."}, {"x": "hello? hello, pj. where are you? you're never late.you're mounted on the empire state building? listen to the old lady. she knows stories. take your time. wait.\"ted mosby house.\" the call comes from within! this is not the empire state building. you can not sleep with my assistant. i try to work here, me. how did that happen?", "y": "at noon, when you go to any walk of reflection, that leaves us time to spend together."}, {"x": "each time, chief. every time.", "y": "tell me, pj, i have a question for you architecture.ted's ass what taste?"}, {"x": "no idea, but probably the taste of engineering.", "y": "it's locked?"}, {"x": "visitors must register for the key.", "y": "listen, pj. and i want you to think seriously before answering. you tell me i can not go to the bathroom with me?"}, {"x": "i tell you that you must ask permission to use the toilet in my premises.", "y": "why does it excite me?"}, {"x": "there's billions of guys on earth. why do you sleep with him?", "y": "when i leave the job, it is 530 am. got an idea of guys i meet?"}, {"x": "first, i know simulates-man, this is a good match.second, it must stop! if you distract pj, you lose productivity.", "y": "what productivity? you did not call a single customer."}, {"x": "once launched the website, printed brochures, and the choice of games at the business seminar, i will call.", "y": "seminar?"}, {"x": "okay, until robin sleeps with my assistant.", "y": "this is our apartment. you let a cake on the counter, mama's going to offer a slice."}, {"x": "i like having all this time to spend with you book. i'll kiss you there... and there... and here and there. and...", "y": "one more."}, {"x": "i'm going to the toilet. i'll miss you.", "y": "i'll miss you too."}, {"x": "you've already tired of him.", "y": "it is driving me crazy. when pj was working, he was sexy. the keeper of the key toilet. a sexy guy that says when you can go to the bathroom or not? it's the dream."}, {"x": "\"it's the dream\"? the dream? as mentioned by martin luther king?", "y": "i have to stop, right? i know not break."}, {"x": "i still have to go, but i could no longer stay away from you.", "y": "listen... dude, i know."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "yes, it's just... it's not really... that, you know?"}, {"x": "it's on what?", "y": "i feel it."}, {"x": "do you not feel anything?", "y": "but friends and others."}, {"x": "you're breaking up with me?", "y": "if this is what you want, i totally understand."}, {"x": "welcome mosbius designs.", "y": "are you kidding?"}, {"x": "i was going to do my walk with wisdom. want to go?", "y": "i took the key to the toilet without asking. are you gonna do?"}, {"x": "hire the kid as his assistant. he does all the work and you're still sports-man. evil incarnate, eriksen. evil incarnate.", "y": "are you okay?"}, {"x": "and if i did not think the books?", "y": "sorry?"}, {"x": "there is a history of architecture on a famous architect who designed the library. she was perfect. but every year, sinking a few inches into the ground. obviously, the building was condemned. he forgot to take into account the weight of books. this box... it's just me. if i ever thought not to books?", "y": "no one goes to the library, so you do not care of this type. and you must pick up the phone and call customers."}, {"x": "the more i delayed the launch of my box, the more it can remain a dream and not something that i screwed up. it's like if i quit before it began.", "y": "you wanna talk drop? i described as the perfect guy \"funny, intelligent, passionate, ambitious.\" and apparently, i just... \"in my apartment.\" you thought that you would have understood, now?"}, {"x": "are you kidding? at 30, i had to have an insolent success, being married to the perfect woman, maybe a kid on the way. instead, i'm just a guy sitting in his apartment, which is a competition look with his phone. and who loses.", "y": "you can do it."}, {"x": "hello, ted mosby mosbius designs. i learn about your design needs, present or future.", "y": "it looks good."}, {"x": "i looked confident?", "y": "now known as a real customer."}, {"x": "seriously. jesus began this thing for three days. he waited three days to return to life. it was perfect. if he had waited one day we would not have known he was dead! they would have said \"jesus, are you? \"and jesus would probably have said,\" you okay? i d*ed yesterday! \"and they would say\" you have the air alive, man. \" and they should explain his resurrection. and the miracle. and then the guy would say, \"okay, whatever you want, dude.\"", "y": "the dialogues seem pompous old now."}, {"x": "and it's sunday, they are all already in the church.they are all there, \"no, jesus d*ed.\" then, bam! he burst through the door, crossed the aisle, everyone is excited. and by the way, that's where he invented the \"tope there! \"3 days.we wait three days to call a woman because it is the time that jesus wants us to wait. true story.", "y": "what was that?"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "you made a noise."}, {"x": "this is my laptop, a text message.", "y": "not that. you made the sound of the naked girl."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "when you see a naked girl, you make noise."}, {"x": "that's not true.", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "to call. texting, it's different.", "y": "okay, just try to proclaim your sound of the naked girl."}, {"x": "i make no noise.", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "holly just told me what she wears. it's pretty exciting.", "y": "whatever it is, i guarantee you she do not wear it. she lies to please you."}, {"x": "how do you know?", "y": "because no woman in history has never, \"asked to read architectural magazines in my old... uniform cheerleader. \""}, {"x": "okay, maybe she's lying on the architectural magazines.no. this is bad.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "she just sent me a message clearly intended for someone else.", "y": "\"baby, i got to eat at generro. i come home soon. \"yes, it sounds bad, but thinking a little. it is perhaps for his brother or father who is ill."}, {"x": "come down.", "y": "\"and then i want to... you to take me on the couch.\"maybe not a sick father. father or a really sick... right? sorry."}, {"x": "a meal that i generro back to lily.", "y": "bizarre. holly sent a message to ted talking about a meal generro. a second. band of bastards!"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "you are holly! so ted did not send messages to holly? he sent to you?"}, {"x": "i think we'll... have sex with ted.", "y": "you did this all day? this is wicked."}, {"x": "i'm in love with you.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "\"my parents divorced two years there. it was really hard. mdr. \"", "y": "and he really knows not what means mdr."}, {"x": "and then we met stan.", "y": "super stan. who is it?"}, {"x": "i'll be back when the wind, destiny and luck will take me back. that is to say tomorrow. this is the day of the cheesesteak.", "y": "that guy you fell in love. i hope his girlfriend is not jealous. he spoke of a friend or...?"}, {"x": "all was well until he sends a text message for lily and ruins everything.", "y": "it's okay. it's over now. i have to leave, but that's what happens you call it now, tell him what you did and apologize.got it?"}, {"x": "holly explained everything to me, it was just a misunderstanding. all is well now.", "y": "really? how she explained the scope of texting?"}, {"x": "apparently, his idiot friend of marsha accidentally used his phone for a message to her husband billy.", "y": "marsha and billy. they are not trampled."}, {"x": "and now i feel better than ever. it sounds crazy, but i think that i am attached to this girl.", "y": "you cling to barney and marshall."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "they did not believe that you'd wait three days, so barney has changed his number by that of his work laptop.holly is barney and marshall."}, {"x": "wait. it was them all along? so holly was not in his bath?or sitting by the window, gazing at the stars thinking of me? or on his couch cheerleader reading architecture magazines?", "y": "i think they have done that. they were just at the bar."}, {"x": "it's true.", "y": "yes, it was them."}, {"x": "incredible!", "y": "i know. you should tell them that you are not fooled."}, {"x": "or... i send them a text message that will really confuse them.", "y": "i see. why not \"i have told anyone yet, but i only have three months to live\"?"}, {"x": "not bad. and \"i k*lled a man with a shovel, and those feelings resurface\"?", "y": "i love this thing someone said about three months to live."}, {"x": "\"i've never told anyone but i slept with the mother of my best friend. \"", "y": "it's good, but i think it comes down to trick the three months to live."}, {"x": "and by \"me\", he means marshall eriksen, star of ted's gay dreams.", "y": "so what? so ted has gay dreams about one of you. it's not as if he had three months to live. it would... shocking, no?"}, {"x": "i can not. i have a date. ready?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "i see it. i see it. what is it good?", "y": "all-nighter?"}, {"x": "i told them i had a vision for this thing. they want a drawing in a week and i have nothing!", "y": "it's cute."}, {"x": "cute? i can draw concert halls and bridges. bridges so beautiful they could be in museums. and i could draw these museums. but i draw, what instead? where is my career? a two-story stetson... with a terrace on the edge. it's a cosmic joke. the universe conspires against me.", "y": "did you just need to get out. take a walk. pay yourself a bagel."}, {"x": "yeah, that'll solve everything. i have not slept for 34 hours, but a bagel is the answer. cinnamon and raisin bagel with some cream. it looks good. i'll buy one.", "y": "take an umbrella. it's going to rain, according galoshes, our clown-weather."}, {"x": "your show has a clown to present the weather? it's a bit nase, right?", "y": "and this restaurant that you draw, what form it, hoss?"}, {"x": "okay. you want to fire me from here, i go out. i look forward to seeing what the universe has prepared me.", "y": "eunice is itself these handbags. they are hand-embroidered silks at best. and each takes months to do. i can not say how long... weather, fools!"}, {"x": "hi, everyone! a high pressure system arrives from the west...", "y": "on the other hand, i bought a big bag today."}, {"x": "wait, why did you vomit?", "y": "you want to know."}, {"x": "come on. tell me.", "y": "i'm pregnant."}, {"x": "i will raise this child with you. you're not alone. you can get married if you want, but i want to see other girls, it would be one of those marriages...", "y": "stop! i'm not pregnant. this is an intoxication. i ate something at the restaurant, three hours later, i vomited like a fountain."}, {"x": "where?", "y": "this is a disgusting issue."}, {"x": "where was your meal?", "y": "i want to tell you."}, {"x": "go to youtube. tape \"robin scherbatsky show vomit\". robin, already gone.", "y": "someone has already put on youtube?"}, {"x": "yeah... someone. so... why did you vomit? you're pregnant?", "y": "yeah, i'm pregnant."}, {"x": "why do you not tell me where you got your intoxication?", "y": "you adore this place. if i tell you, it will ruin it."}, {"x": "this indian restaurant where the cat jumps on the tables?", "y": "i say nothing."}, {"x": "the spanish restaurant with the cradle?", "y": "i say nothing."}, {"x": "is it here? tell me!", "y": "you really want to know? this is schlegel's bagels."}, {"x": "i will... the call.", "y": "you have noted gaby allan dual, 78 and 162."}, {"x": "where did barney? it's been over an hour.", "y": "you know, looking at the names on this list, i do not see a lot of ethnic diversity. it should really be questioned."}, {"x": "every inch tasted like roast beef and creatine. but i did. i did and i still have 30 minutes before meeting with petra.robin, you have the foundation? i want to cover bruises and razor burn.", "y": "i hate to tell you this, but..."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "you did the right gaby allan counted 2 times, but...you're also spent 138 to 138. have you used the same number twice."}, {"x": "we'll have fun. i ranked the presidents in order of disloyalty. a johnson. two bush. three harding.four polk. this circle represents \"those who break my heart.\" and this circle represents \"those who constantly undermine my confidence. \"and where they meet cecilia. this is a pie chart describing my favorite bars. and that is a graph describing my favorite pies what is it?", "y": "that's enough tables."}, {"x": "and tony! what a nice surprise.", "y": "\"what a nice surprise\"? no, a nice surprise would have been a safe falls from 40 stories e crushes them both. you let yourself do?"}, {"x": "we had a friendly discussion and we resumed our respective paths.", "y": "you're f*cked up. he f*cked up, right?"}, {"x": "well done.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "it's a very big check.", "y": "so big, that when you sit next to on the plane, you wonder if the check would not have had to buy two seats."}, {"x": "it's all in the assessment of your enemy. i knew he loved the sausages because he was out of breath just by coming to my car and he had mustard on his holster.", "y": "handling a police officer with your sausage. it's sexy."}, {"x": "$ 375! and he kept the gift certificate. emilio and i'll call him tell him to shorten the crotch.", "y": "you're wrong about that, man."}, {"x": "are you kidding? robin is a pretty girl. they have no fines. i bet she was often stopped and has never had.", "y": "this is outrageous! and relevant."}, {"x": "permits and... sweetie. no, do not cry. ok, not fine for you. drive slower next time, ok?", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "gruesome.", "y": "ted, it looks like this guy asks you to design..."}, {"x": "a deadly house.", "y": "that's it. a house of horror."}, {"x": "grave well. you hit the nail.", "y": "you can not do this house!"}, {"x": "he said it was because of what you said.", "y": "you did break tony and stella? really sorry, but i must insist that you topes there."}, {"x": "let's talk in the hallway.", "y": "i'll wait."}, {"x": "no. it depends on what you will do me.", "y": "false. this has never happened."}, {"x": "when will you understand the difference between my life and a p*rn is that my life has better lighting.", "y": "you're lying."}, {"x": "... hat cowboy. listen, i need this job. i have no other option.", "y": "you can always do prof."}, {"x": "what? we brought you a surprise party, last year.thou shalt have no surprises on two holidays. the fact that the world has come to the first was surprising. not? two surprises on christmas! it is very strong! it is very strong! great super... it still will not mount.", "y": "come on. this is boring! i knew it was a bad idea."}, {"x": "look, robin... i must tell you something.", "y": "wait. before that, i must tell you something."}, {"x": "what is it?", "y": "i think i love you."}, {"x": "robin, you're great listening. you're really great, but we're friends. this is not a good idea.", "y": "you must be right. have fun."}, {"x": "he said that? my god! what an incredible surprise!", "y": "you know since when?"}, {"x": "bravo, lily. i mean, what a b*mb. who saw this coming?", "y": "you know since when?"}, {"x": "7 months and 29 days.", "y": "i will do what?"}, {"x": "i know. are you gonna do?", "y": "i'll marry barney in a large church. we'll move to new hampshire and open cottages."}, {"x": "really?", "y": "no! this is barney. i mean... this is barney. but it's barney. i have to say no."}, {"x": "boy, you're going to break her... the thing that this black mud pump through his veins.", "y": "you're right. for the first time he likes a girl, she pushes him away? and not just any girl. it's going to destroy it."}, {"x": "ok, first... second, there is a trick you can try. it's risky, but it can pay off. lack of anything better, i'll call it... the mosby.", "y": "the mosby?"}, {"x": "it could squarely mosbyser.", "y": "what is the mosby?"}, {"x": "do you remember your first time with ted? you wanted to get on the train ted, visit his yard.", "y": "i was ready to jump the turnstile."}, {"x": "i think i love you.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "so... you're in love with me?", "y": "what? yes. much."}, {"x": "you can stop. lily told me everything.", "y": "damn, lily!"}, {"x": "i can not believe it.", "y": "it's just... you mean to me, barney. and... this kind of stuff, the emotional side. this is not your type. i thought you avoid that."}, {"x": "maybe i will not avoid it. i am perhaps. i have not wanted for a long time. but with you, it does not look so...difficult. i know not. i thought... you felt the same.", "y": "maybe. i know not. i am not good to face the feelings.there is clearly something... between us. maybe my head said, \"stifles it in the bud\" because my heart said... something else. listen... i feel for you. maybe even that i love you."}, {"x": "it's going pretty fast, do not you think?", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "we're good friends. why risk everything? friends?", "y": "friends."}, {"x": "my god. you just do it again. you've mosbys\u00e9!", "y": "but no."}, {"x": "but if, little flirtatious.", "y": "you're right. i've just mosbyser."}, {"x": "why are you scared to try?", "y": "because i'm afraid of how i could love you."}, {"x": "bad idea.", "y": "you're right. there must be a mistake."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "i love you."}, {"x": "friends.", "y": "friends, then."}, {"x": "i love you.", "y": "let's get married."}, {"x": "no, you're smothering me.", "y": "ok, forget it."}, {"x": "you know what? we'll see later.", "y": "yeah, let's go."}, {"x": "in the crapper, the plan. i wanted to be a famous artist.marshall wanted to be environmental lawyer. robin wanted to be a tv reporter.", "y": "i am a tv reporter. i am on the air at 4am."}, {"x": "it continues? bravo.", "y": "what someone looks, please."}, {"x": "whoo!!!", "y": "lily! all we need is your indoor \"whoo.\""}, {"x": "yeah, lily, listen.", "y": "barney's awesome."}, {"x": "wait, what are you saying?", "y": "we're just not feeling it right now. but we'll totally still be friends."}, {"x": "is it something i did?", "y": "oh no, no, no. god, no. lily, it's not you. it's us."}, {"x": "god... you just get me.", "y": "ok, i should get going. i got a date."}, {"x": "you're still seeing that guy?", "y": "even better, seeing him naked."}, {"x": "girlfriend?", "y": "slow your roll there, lilypad."}, {"x": "you've been together all summer. i don't get it.", "y": "ok, it's like this. after we kissed, we sat down to have the talk."}, {"x": "", "y": "okay, now, we have to figure this out."}, {"x": "yes, we do. or. or...", "y": "we kept trying to have the talk and then we realized we hate the talk."}, {"x": "you needs it. guys, you can't just keep hooking up and not at least try and figure out what you mean to each other.", "y": "yeah, we knew you would say that. that's why we kept it a secret."}, {"x": "i've got two tickets to the rangers/canucks game tomorrow night. i know you're a hockey fan, so i was thinking...", "y": "euh, oh, hum, heu..."}, {"x": "what do i have to do? put a g*n to your head? buy you a six pack?", "y": "come on, brad, that's... wow, there's really six of them. but, i can't."}, {"x": "why not? you have a boyfriend?", "y": "no. no, no boyfriend."}, {"x": "not really.", "y": "the truth is, i feel kind of weird being out with you."}, {"x": "oh, man. is this the talk?", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "no, this is good. let's get it all out of the way. robin, i'm looking for something serious.", "y": "no, brad, no, it's..."}, {"x": "but before we go any further, you should know something about my stuff below the belt. i was born a little different.", "y": "god, no... brad, no... this is about me and barney."}, {"x": "you and barn... oh, so you guys are...", "y": "well, we don't know what we are. i mean, my heart says \"leap into it.\" my brain says \"it's a bad idea.\""}, {"x": "okay, how about this. if you kiss me, and you feel bad about it, you're meant to be with barney.", "y": "why not? lay it on me."}, {"x": "wow, wow, wow, girlfriend? hey, come on.", "y": "that's putting it a bit strongly."}, {"x": "a bit strongly. she's not my girlfriend.", "y": "a gifriend's a bit much, brad, okay?"}, {"x": "hey, sorry i went little too far last night.", "y": "we've been over this. unless i say \"flugelhorn\" you haven't gone too far."}, {"x": "no, i meant punching brad.", "y": "right. look, don't even worry about it. it's..."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "flugelhorn. did you do this?"}, {"x": "ted's not here, robin.", "y": "lily, let us out of here."}, {"x": "i'd be glad to. just as soon as you and barney have the talk.", "y": "lily! come on. let us out!"}, {"x": "then you'll die in there.", "y": "you're gonna lock us in here? well, guess what? maybe we'll spend the whole day having sex!"}, {"x": "thanks.", "y": "nice job, ted."}, {"x": "pancakes, fresh bacon. it is so yummy.", "y": "dude, i'm starving. let's... let's just have the stupid talk. come on."}, {"x": "fine. but how do these things even work? what do we say?", "y": "where do you see this relationship going? my god, that sounds so cheesy."}, {"x": "i know, right?", "y": "totally. but hum... where do you see this relationship going?"}, {"x": "maybe we should go back to being just friends.", "y": "maybe. but hum... i don't want to stop having sex."}, {"x": "good. me, neither.", "y": "friends isn't gonna work."}, {"x": "we're not good at being friends. we're not good at being in a relationship. what are we good at?", "y": "i know something we're good at."}, {"x": "i don't know. if we're gonna do it again, i'm gonna need some gatorade...", "y": "no,not that. lying. think about it. we spent the whole summer lying about being just friends. why not just keep lying?"}, {"x": "really?", "y": "really. we sat down. we had the talk. barney's my boyfriend now."}, {"x": "and robin's my girlfriend. i know it sounds nuts, but it feels good to say.", "y": "we're both afraid of commitment but... the fact is, we also can't live without each other."}, {"x": "and if the alternative is not being together, then it's worth taking this risk 'cause... she's awesome.", "y": "and he's awesome. he looks nice in a suit."}, {"x": "she can handle her scotch.", "y": "he's my boyfriend."}, {"x": "and she's my girlfriend.", "y": "she bought it."}, {"x": "hook, line, and sinker. we are good.", "y": "totally. so, you want to get some breakfast?"}, {"x": "you know, brunch actually does sound kind of good.", "y": "well, lead the way, sweetie pie."}, {"x": "flugelhorn?", "y": "yeah, that felt wrong."}, {"x": "i heard you.", "y": "yeah, um, isn't it a little early in our relationship to do something that would end our relationship?"}, {"x": "awesome! i bet the guys were going crazy. oh, i bet they wanted to touch her so bad. but all you can do is look, unless you go into the back room, but honey, you got to pay for that.", "y": "so... strip club."}, {"x": "see,marshall? we got to have a bros' night at a strip club and both of our ladies are totally cool with it.", "y": "i'm not cool with it."}, {"x": "because they understand that it's healthy for us to do that from time to time.", "y": "it's disgusting."}, {"x": "because it's harmless.", "y": "did one of your whores tell you that?"}, {"x": "marshall, tell her. we're all friends here.", "y": "no, we're not."}, {"x": "let's go in and see what they remember. and they are my best friends, so don't be surprised if they suddenly \"can't think\" of anything i do wrong.", "y": "did he juggle? bad puns? mmm. expect a standing ovation for picking up a $19 check"}, {"x": "you are the best. my girlfriend is at a strip club with me and she couldn't care less.", "y": "i do care, barney. look, we're dating now, okay? that changes things. we have to have a serious talk about this."}, {"x": "mm-hmm. and yes... we can.", "y": "boyfriend. barney stinson is my boyfriend. i've said it, like, a hundred times it still sounds weird to say."}, {"x": "bowl. bowl.", "y": "i don't know. i think barney's been single for too long."}, {"x": "bowl.", "y": "like, the other night, i wake up at 400 a.m"}, {"x": "bowl.", "y": "that's happened three times."}, {"x": "bowl.", "y": "and it's not just that, it's other things."}, {"x": "hey. what's wrong?", "y": "it was just one thing after another at work today, and then... i found out my aunt's in the hospital. i'm just, i'm feeling so overwhelmed and it's just..."}, {"x": "shh, shh, shh. what you need to do is talk through this stuff.", "y": "oh, thanks."}, {"x": "bowl.", "y": "look, i'm not the touchy-feely-est person in the world, but... a little more effort would be nice."}, {"x": "bowl. bowl.", "y": "i understand."}, {"x": "bowl. bowl. bowl. bowl.", "y": "no, that's not it."}, {"x": "bowl.", "y": "i don't know."}, {"x": "bowl", "y": "maybe he just doesn't have it in him."}, {"x": "bowl. bowl.", "y": "maybe is whole thing's a big mistake."}, {"x": "i like my testicles attached to my body, rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in robin's purse. stinson out!", "y": "he's cheating on me."}, {"x": "what?!", "y": "why else would he buy me flowers? he's gettin' some on the side."}, {"x": "oh, come on, robin. barney's not the type of guy who would... go on.", "y": "plus, he keeps saying he's working late. but when i call his office, they say he left hours ago."}, {"x": "well, that doesn't prove anything.", "y": "yes. proof. go word. i'm glad you brought that up. barney's briefcase. he forgot it here this morning.."}, {"x": "and what do you plan on doing with it?", "y": "we, we-- you and i-- are going to open it up and look for evidence. ted probably has a sledgehammer around here somewhere."}, {"x": "hey, i've been down in the basement storage area going through all the stuff that lily and i left behind when we moved out. i'm robin. we should've cleared it out for you much sooner.", "y": "there's a basement storage area?"}, {"x": "oh, that's great, honey.", "y": "what the hell is that?"}, {"x": "until we found out that lily was allergic to barrel resin", "y": "barrel resin?"}, {"x": "just go with it.", "y": "so you need a hand throwing it out?"}, {"x": "no, i'm not... i'm not just going to throw her out, okay? mabel's like family.", "y": "so, um, what are you gonna do with mabel?"}, {"x": "i want to give her away, um, to a lucky new owner. do you know anyone?", "y": "yeah, hmm, let me think. do i know any rodeo clowns? oh, that's weird, i do. but even lenny wouldn't go near that mess."}, {"x": "this is so exciting. right now there's some out there who has no idea that tonight they're going home with just... just the best barrel.", "y": "well, let's just hope they're not allergic to barrel sin like lily here."}, {"x": "now, can we please get out of here?", "y": "yeah. i'll grab my coat."}, {"x": "a college notebook?!", "y": "oh, my god, he's cheating on me with some college girl. i knew there was a skank but i thought she'd at least be dumb \"birthday july 23.favorite hockey team the vancouver canucks. age 29, but tells people that she's 26.\" oh, my god,these are notes about me. or some 29-year-old version of me."}, {"x": "what do you know about this,marshall?", "y": "why would barney have a notebook full of information about me?"}, {"x": "and whatever you do, don't cry in front of her four times.", "y": "hey, guys. what you talking about?"}, {"x": "\"class number two.\"", "y": "\"top ten robin scherbatsky facial expressions and their meaning.\""}, {"x": "flared nostril ridges. wide, unblinking eyes. if you ever, ever see this face, barney, run. and don't take a picture of it. she will punch you. and you will cry... for the third time... that night. which brings us to an important point defusing the b*mb.", "y": "\"defusing the b*mb\"? what does that even mean?"}, {"x": "\"three topics to distract robin from being mad at you.\"", "y": "\"distract\" me? oh, that is so condescending. these guys are really starting to piss me off!"}, {"x": "\"immediately switch the conversation to one of the following, \"unless you want robin to start throwing her shoes.\"", "y": "did you know that before intercourse, the male and female emperor penguins bow to each other? mr. penguin. mrs. penguin. oh, god, silly penguins, acting all fancy. what were we talking about?"}, {"x": "well, he doesn't know that, baby! god!", "y": "ted's only teaching barney horrible things about me."}, {"x": "i think 's nice that ted knows you that well.", "y": "ah, well, too bad it's next to a page entitled..."}, {"x": "i know, right? the end? tears.", "y": "okay, can i just say that my deepest need in life not to have my father to say, \"i am proud of you, eh?\""}, {"x": "so why are you crying now?", "y": "i'm not crying."}, {"x": "oh, sweetie. can i get you some butterscotch?", "y": "oh, stop it."}, {"x": "so?", "y": "that's right now."}, {"x": "i got this. so, emperor penguins-- crazy, huh?", "y": "what the hell do you two think you're doing?"}, {"x": "i was vulnerable, i said good-bye to a very dear friend today.", "y": "dude, it's a barrel!"}, {"x": "aw! you're giving mabel away?", "y": "i have so many questions. why would you do this? what were you thinking? who the hell is that guy?."}, {"x": "oh, that's shin-ya. he's sort of been auditing the class.", "y": "\"auditing\"?"}, {"x": "on the bright side, he came in handy standing in for you during the role-playing exercises.", "y": "wait. you did role-playing exercises where i was played by shin-ya?"}, {"x": "they made me wear a wig, it was very demeaning.", "y": "you know, i can't believe you, ted. you actually think you're some kind of an expert on me?"}, {"x": "hey! he is an expert. he's a great teacher!", "y": "you know, half the stuff in this notebook is patently wrong."}, {"x": "uh, really? name one wrong thing.", "y": "\"robin scherbatsky's surprising erogenous zones\"? let me clear something up for you, ted."}, {"x": "does lefty like that?", "y": "oh. yeah..."}, {"x": "don't wanna leave out the righty.", "y": "oh, uh, no. um, the right one's ticklish, i guess. but the left one, yeah, i'm glad you're back there. because that is just some sweet, sweet lovin'."}, {"x": "that was a lie?", "y": "we had just started dating. i was being nice."}, {"x": "that is a huge violation of my privacy! go on.", "y": "you know, in a way, i was right. you cheated. you can't get some crib sheet on dating me. that's not how it works. if we didn't figure out how to be with each other in a real, honest way, i don't see the point of even trying."}, {"x": "look. all that stuff i told barney... it was personal between you and me. i'm really sorry.", "y": "i guess i'm impressed by how much you remembered."}, {"x": "it's funny. when you date someone, it's like you're taking one long course in who that person is and then, when you break up, all that stuff becomes useless. it's the emotional equivalent of an english degree. i guess i just liked the idea of putting all my robin scherbatsky knowledge to good use, you know?", "y": "well, since you know me pretty well... am i fooling myself with this whole barney thing?"}, {"x": "i don't know. i will say this, though. i've seen barney work very hard to get women. i've seen him work very hard to get rid of women. i've never seen him work this hard to keep one around. i was going to give him an a. well, b+ -- shin-ya kind of screwed up the curve.", "y": "you know..."}, {"x": "hmm?", "y": "that notebook, um, does contain a lot of personal info, and i think it has my home address."}, {"x": "you are wrong. the ladies dig the professor look.", "y": "you know, there is something to that. i remember thinking my tenth grade math teacher was very sexy. i wonder if harold's still in jail. what? tax evasion. among other things."}, {"x": "so guys, marshall and i wanted to invite you to our place for a little couples' night.", "y": "uh, sure. why not?"}, {"x": "marshall and i wanted to invite you to our place for a little couples' night.", "y": "um, sure, why not?"}, {"x": "hey, how was the big couples' night with marshall and lily?", "y": "brutal."}, {"x": "it was like we were on a date with a sad, chubby girl our mom made us call.", "y": "and they were so nervous, that they weren't even making sense half of the time."}, {"x": "let me guess did marshall get, like, super intense about the cheese?", "y": "yeah, how'd you know?"}, {"x": "um, we-we-we didn't realize there was gonna be dinner. we sucked down a couple tacos outside the subway.", "y": "p.s., not sitting great."}, {"x": "come on, they just got excited. they've been looking for couple best friends forever. plus, i'm sure they weren't that bad.", "y": "show him."}, {"x": "oh.", "y": "yeah, tough luck, every saturday night i've ever had, 'cause this one just blew you out of the water."}, {"x": "let's do it again, soon.", "y": "yeah, we'll call you."}, {"x": "they're your friends! why would you just blatantly lie to them like that?", "y": "well, that's what you say at the end of a crappy date."}, {"x": "right?", "y": "who was that?"}, {"x": "you're the sexless innkeeper.", "y": "oh, my god! you're right! he's totally the sexless innkeeper!"}, {"x": "i'm not the sexless innkeeper. ted, that girl had no intention of ever hooking up with you.", "y": "which is funny, because usually it's the innkeeper who offers turndown service. oh!"}, {"x": "hey, guys. good news. first of all, you can ignore all the e-mails and texts we've sent you.", "y": "we have. go on."}, {"x": "because we went ahead and booked that couples' weekend for all of us invermont!", "y": "wait, you guys were serious about that?"}, {"x": "what's going on?", "y": "look, all the couple-y stuff, it's just not us. barney and i are barely equipped to date each other, let alone you guys."}, {"x": "let's go.", "y": "no...lily..."}, {"x": "robin, you know i'm right. ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. usually, it just makes it bigger.", "y": "you're right."}, {"x": "thank you.", "y": "all that sexlessness has made you wise."}, {"x": "for god's sake!", "y": "hey. we wanted to say we're sorry."}, {"x": "um, listen, now's not a good time. we'll call you.", "y": "wait. we just want..."}, {"x": "yeah, sorry.", "y": "oh, it's just... we haven't seen you guys all week."}, {"x": "hey, maybe all six of us could hang out.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "anyhoo, we can't stay long. we're just gonna grab a quick beer and then take these kooks for a boat ride around the city.", "y": "wow, it sounds like this is getting pretty serious."}, {"x": "well, we don't want to jinx it, but, uh... we kind of think they might be the two. ooh.", "y": "pfft, who needs 'em?"}, {"x": "pfft. not us.", "y": "hi. two for dinner."}, {"x": "hey, why don't we call that weird couple down the hall from you? you know, with the ferrets? maybe they want to come over and play taboo.", "y": "after midnight? no way. we can't tabooty-call them, it's pathetic."}, {"x": "oh, right back at you!", "y": "for charades."}, {"x": "how do we know you two won't hurt us again?", "y": "you don't."}, {"x": "the... mmm. social experiment. u.s.a, u.s.a, u.s.a, u.s.a...", "y": "okay, okay. you know what, what does that even prove, okay? you chant anything, people we join in. canada, canada, canada, cana... okay, they won't chant anything."}, {"x": "no!", "y": "what gazzola's?"}, {"x": "hmm.", "y": "you guys will not believe this. i've been talking to my lawyer all morning. you know that guy i have a slight disagreement with at the hoser hut? he's filing as*ault charges."}, {"x": "oh, my god, that sucks! yeah. i'm gonna go do push-ups in the kitchen. tantrum!", "y": "well, there's only one possible way to avoid getting deported. my lawyer said i could become an american citizen."}, {"x": "perfect. problem solved. welcome aboard.", "y": "well, it's not that simple. i'm a canadian. i was born there. my family's there. it's who i am."}, {"x": "i know, and it's provided us with a lot of laughs. but, robin, if you want to live here, work here and throw chairs at people here, you have to do this.", "y": "well, there's a citizenship test tomorrow."}, {"x": "a cit...", "y": "i'll think about it."}, {"x": "no, no, you have to do it. i'll help you study. we're gonna stay up all night long. i'm gonna drill you, and then we're gonna study. no, seriously. we're gonna do some cramming and then we're gonna study. no, seriously. we're gonna bone up on...", "y": "okay, barney."}, {"x": "sorry. it's a rich area.", "y": "it is."}, {"x": "but you know, it's not going to be easy, this test. it's not like the canadian citizenship test.", "y": "how do you know the canadian test is easy?"}, {"x": "\"how many stars are on the flag?\"", "y": "50, one for each state."}, {"x": "\"what are the first ten amendments to the constitution called?\"", "y": "the bill of rights. look, barney, i know all this. i'm ready."}, {"x": "ready for the test maybe, but ready to be an american? not on your sweet life. for you to be an american, we got to get the canadian out of you. that's why i've created these questions. question one \"who is this?\"", "y": "queen elizabeth ii."}, {"x": "no, the answer is elton john. question two \"what the hell is this?\"", "y": "oh, curling. um, it's a sport played..."}, {"x": "oh, i suppose i could arrange a little recreation. do you enjoy sitting on a bench?", "y": "i want to say- jefferson?"}, {"x": "correct.", "y": "oh!"}, {"x": "archie bunker's neighbor was george jefferson.", "y": "oh, boo-ya! i am nailing this. god, i'm buzzing on america right now!"}, {"x": "all right, hold your horses. now to prove that you are as american as apple pie and the childhood obesity it leads to- who is this?", "y": "that, barney, is the american actor, beloved by millions, the \"hey, vern\" guy from the popular series of ernest films. and his name... jeff foxworthy."}, {"x": "jeff foxworthy? no, it's jim varney. you're kidding me. you don't know that?", "y": "uh, that's jeff foxworthy, dumbass. end of story. now shut your stupid face."}, {"x": "good morning.", "y": "barney? oh, my god. what happened last night?"}, {"x": "you went canadian.", "y": "how canadian?"}, {"x": "this canadian. oh. that was supposed to be a dramatic view of the toronto sky- you're in toronto.", "y": "oh, god. okay. it's coming back to me. i, uh, i went into the hoser hut... and i met this women's curling team."}, {"x": "you called me, said you were never coming back. so, i jumped on a plane, flew across the atlantic...", "y": "canada isn't across the atlantic."}, {"x": "you're talking nonsense. now, listen... you slipped up. it's fine. the test is in a few hours.", "y": "barney, i'm not taking the test."}, {"x": "god, you're still drunk.", "y": "look, i appreciate your help, but... who am i kidding? i'm canadian. i always will be."}, {"x": "it's like an entire country without a tailor.", "y": "yeah, give me two coffees."}, {"x": "$3,50, please. hey, what did you think of the game last night?", "y": "what game?"}, {"x": "the leafs b*at edmonton. beauchemin went five hole in ot.", "y": "oh, i guess i missed it."}, {"x": "oh, sorry. you're american. here's your change.", "y": "i'm not american."}, {"x": "what's wrong? other than the fact that this five dollar bill they gave you is blue.", "y": "wow. i'm not american, and apparently, i'm not canadian either."}, {"x": "look at this money! this one has a moose, this one has a beaver, and they all have elton john on the back.", "y": "when i moved to the states, i swore to myself, i wasn't going to change. and yet, here i am, in the most canadian place in the universe- tim horton's- around the corner from the hockey hall of fame, and i don't belong. it's like i don't have a country."}, {"x": "man, those canadian doctors banded me up, reset my jaw, put my shoulder back in its socket, and they didn't even bill me. idiots. all right, i guess they're no idiots. the coffee was extraordinary. huh. i guess canada's not so bad. they play their cards right, maybe they can even become a state someday.", "y": "barney, i've thought about this. when you stood up and told off those people, i thought, \"yeah, america's cool.\""}, {"x": "hmm.", "y": "and then when those guys pounded the stuffing out of you, i thought, \"yeah, canada's pretty cool, too.\" i may have taken a few pokes myself. so, i've decided, dual citizenship. i'm going to be american and canadian."}, {"x": "wait, you can do that?", "y": "yeah, dummy. instead of being a woman with no country, i'm going to be a woman with two."}, {"x": "i see.", "y": "you understand?"}, {"x": "okay. there you are. you're gonna tell me the truth. barney said that you did ever played.", "y": "i think that's true."}, {"x": "impossible. i love you both but you're the two biggest emotional disabilities in the history of relations. you had to play at least once.", "y": "you know what? it's true. we tried to find out which of us was most great. but it said draw and we made love. speaking of that, i am delighted that we go skiing this weekend. i need a break. the upstairs neighbors make me crazy."}, {"x": "yeah, it's ugly. i'll go talk to them.", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "okay.", "y": "we spent the weekend hugging the fireside. no black diamonds, nothing but red hearts. i'll unpack my bags."}, {"x": "well sh*t, it's my right! i will wipe my manhood when i'm ready!", "y": "where is he was not riding? hey, barnstormer."}, {"x": "you're cute nicknames? seriously. what happens to you both?", "y": "nothing. we're just happy."}, {"x": "i'm not sure that you know who gandhi is.", "y": "so you talked to the neighbors?"}, {"x": "yeah, yeah, i did. i went up ready to put them back.", "y": "some old?"}, {"x": "really old.", "y": "so you did what?"}, {"x": "thank you, robbie engineering.", "y": "i do not like nicknames."}, {"x": "you're finished with the sports page, sherbs?", "y": "seriously, stop."}, {"x": "it's t-mose.", "y": "i do not like with you either."}, {"x": "how will marshall and lily?", "y": "those two worry me, really."}, {"x": "what do you mean by that?", "y": "who, him?"}, {"x": "it's going to come. you see, i knew it was wrong. you two were too happy, too radiant, too \"surnomants\". it was not right.never disputes? crap. you argue all... the... time.", "y": "how would you know that?"}, {"x": "i found at marshall's arguments lily were zero then it will never have to wash another dish. slap me in two.", "y": "it's your board that is zero."}, {"x": "you're on the side of lily? you... no. we will argue and i can not spin.", "y": "i can not undress. it's freezing here. i'll be hypothermic."}, {"x": "or so i tried the jump?", "y": "or just the pants?"}, {"x": "this trick of dodging is over?", "y": "i think."}, {"x": "you have the? this is the smallest!", "y": "they fight because of you!?"}, {"x": "and it does not stop there. we argue non-stop since.", "y": "all the disputes that had prevented us are above benefits.the bag of panties."}, {"x": "the tie m*rder*d by robin.", "y": "the hidden camera in the headboard."}, {"x": "as a quarterback to stay on top. monday morning, he sits on an ice pack and are studying the tape of the match.", "y": "barney for the millionth time..."}, {"x": "look, we were fed up everyone to tell us how we are no relations.", "y": "it was nice to be the ideal couple for one minute."}, {"x": "i knew you were lying. get up early for the feint-t mose.", "y": "stop it."}, {"x": "i love you too.", "y": "you see? at the moment, how did you do to fix everything?"}, {"x": "more important than winning.", "y": "calm. calm down. seriously, what's the secret?"}, {"x": "the honeymoon phase may be over, but now you can get down to business. and honestly, it's the best part.", "y": "good night."}, {"x": "what about now?", "y": "i think we should talk about advantage and get down to business."}, {"x": "or, there is a bench in the elevator.", "y": "that's better. it is not the best couple in the world, so what?"}, {"x": "we gotta go. goodbye, my dear friends. you were always there for me. we will miss you.", "y": "he speaks to p*rn."}, {"x": "hi, robin. a more.", "y": "hi."}, {"x": "so what you did last night?", "y": "i wanted to go to a concert. him at a party. we could obviously do what the other wanted, so we stayed to watch a movie on cable."}, {"x": "super. relations are deadly...", "y": "shut up..."}, {"x": "exchanges and compromise...", "y": "shut up..."}, {"x": "monogamy is the best.", "y": "shut up."}, {"x": "tagline!", "y": "shut up."}, {"x": "stack we make love, we order a pizza face and it stays there to moan.", "y": "okay. decides that the piece."}, {"x": "what was the pizza again?", "y": "face."}, {"x": "when i was with robin, you remember the only thing that made pinball?", "y": "you do not have the right to do this to me."}, {"x": "what are you talking?", "y": "from this! that's what i mean. how does it feel in my champagne?"}, {"x": "the server arrives.", "y": "please, shut up."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "i thought you had mentioned, sorry. this is an engagement ring?are you...?"}, {"x": "no, this is not one. they had the wrong table. you can imagine we are married?", "y": "we're committed to one another."}, {"x": "your business is already in my apartment.", "y": "easier for taxes."}, {"x": "and for your naturalization.", "y": "\"scherbatsky\" is hard to spell."}, {"x": "my mother would be so happy.", "y": "yeah, i guess."}, {"x": "we get married!", "y": "not so loud, sh*t."}, {"x": "what did you do? i'm furious now. it will not?", "y": "you will be my bridesmaid?"}, {"x": "they are up to their necks. a single argument will not suffice. we must revive the four largest arguments they've ever had, at one time. number one, the battle of dirty dishes. number two, the conflict of ex-girlfriends.", "y": "you do not know any that girl over there?"}, {"x": "no, i do not think. no, actually, i do not know... this is meg. i do not compare in my mind there. can you pick me?", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "it's not a doll. it's a stormtrooper.", "y": "he wears a diaper."}, {"x": "no, it's protective armor.", "y": "a stormtrooper? rather a storm-merdeur."}, {"x": "come on.", "y": "it looks like your storm-merdeur the changes we need."}, {"x": "you know, i'm sick.", "y": "i said nothing."}, {"x": "thank you god, the song is over. who was the old devil who sang?", "y": "you know neil young is my favorite musician."}, {"x": "she was the wife of archie in all in the family, or the same voice?", "y": "neil young is a canadian treasure. do not make fun of neil young."}, {"x": "where is barney?", "y": "it was broken."}, {"x": "why this big and this old will not stop us... it's us!", "y": "look at us. it is horrible all the time like that?"}, {"x": "i'm not happy. finally, i would be. nothing would make me happier than to be happy, but... i'm not.", "y": "what are we doing wrong? we love. if it does not work, what then? we are so similar."}, {"x": "we love scotch. it is awesome.", "y": "that might be it. there may be too great there."}, {"x": "exactly. two awesome cancel out, and... i'm tired of being canceled.", "y": "me too. we separate?"}, {"x": "i think. sh*t. following happens. after which you and i can not become friends again.", "y": "it's maybe not a break. this is perhaps... two friends... who find themselves."}, {"x": "good news! i forgive you for that restraining order.", "y": "it's a stormtrooper?"}, {"x": "see you later.", "y": "in addition, alan."}, {"x": "friends that are found. i like it.", "y": "one for the road?"}, {"x": "and then who knows? maybe in 40 years, if you have not found anyone...", "y": "i am already involved with ted."}, {"x": "so, how is barney?", "y": "well, i think. it may take a while to recover, but... you had a thrill?"}, {"x": "content that is either mentioned it again.", "y": "it is getting it soon."}, {"x": "we had this issue of canadian variety that missed. it was so shameful. imagine what would happen if someone put their hands on it?", "y": "you then."}, {"x": "it's a long story. you see, he just break...", "y": "my career. this is my new priority. from now on, more a date. the job."}, {"x": "and you robin? you leave it in play? where is your book of roles?", "y": "my book? buddy... in two volumes, right here."}, {"x": "yeah, i'm reading it.", "y": "so, i have told you, i take a break on that side."}, {"x": "bluntly.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "very soon.", "y": "it's unlikely, i focus on my career, finished the rencards."}, {"x": "kelly harris, a fellow law school, said... \"the law school is too hard, i want to focus on courses. \"six months later?married!", "y": "it's good but..."}, {"x": "travis frenchroy, replacing bartender told me... \"i'm done with all these rencards. i want to concentrate on my fan fiction of star trek. \"six months later... married!", "y": "i answer? it's good for them..."}, {"x": "that must bother you a bit.", "y": "it's his life. these girls had it coming if they are stupid enough to be fooled."}, {"x": "the slune.", "y": "if you fall in there, you break my heart, but sorry, you're sd\u00e9bile."}, {"x": "no? but we agreed. we always said we would meet again here. tonight it. i'm an idiot.", "y": "i'll fetch the newspaper."}, {"x": "grave.", "y": "you must stop, seriously. the last thing i'm looking for now is a relationship."}, {"x": "it's like that. have you any idea how many times in my life when i went to look for frozen waffles frozen in vain?", "y": "thousands?"}, {"x": "everyone, code red! emergency. lock.nobody gets out.", "y": "what happened?"}, {"x": "i tried the he will not come, and it worked. monstrous.you should have seen this girl.", "y": "i'm leaving."}, {"x": "slim.", "y": "sorry to interrupt but check it out."}, {"x": "forget it, kid. if anyone should be angry with me, this is robin. she loves the book.", "y": "i did not worship the book."}, {"x": "but what...? the book of the rolls, this is gold. granted this is truly spectacular.", "y": "we just broke. the costumes are nice, but... it just broke."}, {"x": "hello, claire. i am lieutenant frank lyman. i train dolphins b*mb detectors for... you know what? i can not do that.robin, i'm sorry. i think this break is harder for me than expected.the book of roles was just a way to change my mind.", "y": "it's okay. it's hard for me too. look at me. i gave up on relationships."}, {"x": "i have to check my tuxedo.", "y": "i'll knock your heads like two coconuts."}, {"x": "... is an incredible kind. he's funny and it's one of my best friends. and he came out with this g*n.", "y": "it's a good guy."}, {"x": "it's a coffee, huh?", "y": "it's nothing."}, {"x": "i had a message from barney. \"look under the table.\" a page from the book of roles.", "y": "it says what?"}, {"x": "it's the diver.", "y": "i will not fall in love with him."}, {"x": "yes, because it is... this kind.", "y": "no comment. the blue jacket, it does not suit me, so..."}, {"x": "right, because here it is. it is this type! let him at least a chance. get out a bit with it, see if it can give something.", "y": "i will work."}, {"x": "yeah, right.", "y": "i'm really going to work."}, {"x": "you're saying...", "y": "what you think you say?"}, {"x": "transferable.", "y": "you realize that you will remain one. are you sure you want to spend a day."}, {"x": "take your time, amigo. all is well as i \"of diseases\"!having fun is contagious.", "y": "i hope lily is well."}, {"x": "you will have it in 15 minutes. 20 or more. i ate a steak last night.", "y": "you're worth it!"}, {"x": "seriously robin, you should have the slap. you're a big baffeuse. in fact, i want to study the slaps in your tutoring. i wanna be your apprentice-slap.", "y": "do not underestimate. you're a rock star of slaps. your name should be eric baffe-pton."}, {"x": "and finish it!", "y": "it's all yours."}, {"x": "no. to you, i insist.", "y": "okay, i will."}, {"x": "great. wait, what?", "y": "i say i'll slap."}, {"x": "what, so it's... the end of the discussion?", "y": "you said i could slap."}, {"x": "i was polite. if someone will slap, it will be me.", "y": "no, not at all."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "we have one hour before sunset, and none of us baffera barney."}, {"x": "it's a good point. rebuttal?", "y": "i slipped a note of the type 20!"}, {"x": "i brought this large turkey so far.", "y": "i paid the taxi."}, {"x": "you've slept with one of my best friends!", "y": "what? you said it was fine."}, {"x": "well, no!", "y": "why did not you say anything?"}, {"x": "because i love you always!", "y": "you really want to slap barney the point of lying and pretending to be in love with me?"}, {"x": "robin sh*t! i knew barney first. this is for me to slap.", "y": "this slap is mine, mosby. i never slap barney... above the belt."}, {"x": "i want to slap barney since i met him!", "y": "and i would not slap?"}, {"x": "one second. this slap was supposed to be a wonderful thing, a gift, and it has turned against each other.", "y": "my god, you're right. this fruit has changed in immaculate slap-poisoned apple. you know what? seriously, do it."}, {"x": "are you sure?", "y": "baffe-solument."}, {"x": "and that's what you always wanted, is not it? a strong man to take care of you? of course, teenager, you were a feisty, playing hockey with the boys, you skinned your knees on the ice. but what you could say to your teammates... or even to yourself... that is all you really wanted was this pretty white dress in this beautiful white chapel. and at the end of the aisle strewn with pretty white flowers, a man to take care of all your slaps.", "y": "leads to me!"}, {"x": "you just 2 minutes. you decided which of you will be entitled to a slap in the face to barney?", "y": "it's gonna be ted."}, {"x": "what? why me?", "y": "last year you were abandoned at the altar. you lost your job. you did so along way. i am so proud of you, ted. you deserve to slap someone in the face as hard as you can."}, {"x": "you just go through a break... and even though i know that you and barney are remained on good terms, there is not a part of you, well hidden that wants to slap in the face?", "y": "yes"}, {"x": "it hurts!", "y": "i can not do it. i can not take that away from you, ted."}, {"x": "thank you god.", "y": "so, i want to move. mickey?"}, {"x": "no way!", "y": "i'm glad you and lily try to fix things. you want to welcome into our family, i would like to offer you the slap."}, {"x": "well, i received another.", "y": "what's there in the box? what there was in the boiiite?what there was in the boiiiiiite?! what there was in the boiiiiiiite?! not bad eh? nothing. i'm the idiot huh? what there was in the box?"}, {"x": "i arrived!", "y": "what's happening? what is this window?"}, {"x": "you see how everyone knows a person, and whatever happens, this person is perfect for you.", "y": "my cats."}, {"x": "this is my overalls. i wore this little baby, during high school.", "y": "hey, you were really a virgin before he met lily."}, {"x": "no way, no one could sleep while wearing it. challenge accepted. i, barney stinson, brilliant mind in an extraordinary body, this will overalls, and lie with a woman.", "y": "i went out with this guy."}, {"x": "ok, game plan maggie arrives, a few minutes of gathering and presentation, and everyone leaves us. this is my only chance, and i will not go wrong.", "y": "you do not give a lecture tonight?"}, {"x": "nice to meet you.", "y": "likewise."}, {"x": "get out!", "y": "your challenge not interest me but you're cheating. wear a suit under the overalls."}, {"x": "no. they are called not on the shirt, or on t-shirts for wholesale repairing the car and my mother spent some time with her top. they are called overalls, and i can relate to what i want.", "y": "oh it does not tell you goodnight, he tells you how he feeds his horses. i could sit there and tell jokes farmer on you all night. challenge accepted."}, {"x": "i offer you a drink?", "y": "it was a big tractor 3-axis."}, {"x": "you're left with maggie robin?", "y": "relax, everything is under control."}, {"x": "you do not understand, this girl is like a magnet to men... overkill.", "y": "i know a little something about loving to men... you see me as one of those magnets that can not put a picture of your children on the fridge. but i am one of these magnets... that can pick up cars in scrap yards...! who is it?"}, {"x": "robin, this is a good friend of jim's work.", "y": "oh, well... hello you!"}, {"x": "you're too funny!", "y": "funny? i think it's hilarious. in fact, i liked so much that i think i'm pissed."}, {"x": "i'd better go. i go to the first of this photo exhibition we talked about at work. i have a ticket if you want more?", "y": "i'd love to!"}, {"x": "hello?", "y": "ted, change of plans!"}, {"x": "you could go to the bar, maggie is still there?", "y": "oh, it's not possible! i love pictures of dogs ironic. you got it there with the dog welsh dwarf who is a missionary?"}, {"x": "i'll take a taxi, i feel bad for leaving maggie alone.", "y": "and if you took a glass of wine first? oooh boy! i'm dirty, it's me! i'm just a dirty, dirty girl... that would defeat the second base with a friend of a friend.tui love it! it's pig!"}, {"x": "i'll call maggie to see what it does.", "y": "oh my god, maggie, maggie, maggie. leave her alone!lord, she goes out with ted tonight."}, {"x": "ted? and devon?", "y": "they have broken."}, {"x": "maggie is single?", "y": "it tells me nothing!"}, {"x": "wait, where is maggie?", "y": "she's gone!"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "i told him to return. you were like vultures... fighting for his carcass. let her be single for once."}, {"x": "i wanted to watch it but i was too busy sleeping with this story. it took me all night, after 8 hours of the clock.", "y": "it's not serious, but listen to this! after the show..."}, {"x": "are you robin?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "wow, you're going you do too.", "y": "no, i just think it will be great both on the air."}, {"x": "and on the couch, the bed and on the coffee table.", "y": "ok, ok, i'll go on the roof and stay there all alone 5 minutes."}, {"x": "have fun.", "y": "okay, okay, i'll go smoke a cigarette."}, {"x": "robin, going, going on the roof! we said no smoking in the apartment... after that you have set fire by the pumps.", "y": "okay, very good, very good."}, {"x": "yeah robin, i mean my god... not only is it a bad habit but... do i have one?", "y": "of course."}, {"x": "in 3... 2... 1...", "y": "hello, i'm robin scherbatsky!"}, {"x": "and i'm don... frank! two teenagers were arrested yesterday for stealing a police truck. no, i'm sorry not a cart, a police car. damn! brain fart! you with me? oh, look at the teleprompter is still running. something about a woman giving birth... on a bus. well, we will not resume in the middle, we'll wait until the end. and, she cut the cord with a metro ticket. we come back! and it's good!", "y": "but what was that? don, you said pet brain!"}, {"x": "back in 5... 4...", "y": "well, let a good program for what is half drunk."}, {"x": "what are you doing?", "y": "you should know that i tried to contact the town hall so we could get the mayor on the show."}, {"x": "my god, you are adorable. the mayor does not come in emissions that no one is watching. my colonoscopy was more viewership. it was well twisted i admit.", "y": "i do not know why you act like that. maybe you've never had a better job offer, but i still can, so i really want to focus."}, {"x": "i've already spent on the cable.", "y": "you're already past the cable?"}, {"x": "oh yes there was the break, mike. we will not change in the toilets of kfc on the other side of the street. oh no. it was heaven. but once you get used to, they will not care at the door to find someone who is not undergoing divorce, or who is not addicted to gin. and before you know it, you find yourself in a dead end, surrounded by people who are going nowhere in their careers, making these programs in their underwear.", "y": "ok, the trick underwear was your choice. and i would not keep that going."}, {"x": "you are beautiful guys. it's comfortable eh?", "y": "i want to k*ll him, of course people watching this show.you look at her. my god, you still have not seen the program."}, {"x": "we saw.", "y": "really? what color is the decor?"}, {"x": "it's black, or silver.", "y": "not your tv, the decor of my show. if my best friends do not watch, will watch it..."}, {"x": "a lot of people... bedrin the insomniac, who portrays blongs front of department stores. people to the emergency room where the tv is in a cage, and you can not change channels.", "y": "you have film crews?"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "hey you two, smoking, like us."}, {"x": "you stop my chick. i know i did not call you chick normally, but it does with that voice. chick.", "y": "guys, i wonder, you also are interviewing the mayor tomorrow, or it just me? don was in the teeth, while i'm smoking a. lighter marshall."}, {"x": "actually, we all decided to stop.", "y": "fantastic, i was fed up that you piquiez me my smokes constantly."}, {"x": "robin, we must do together.", "y": "no."}, {"x": "sorry darling, that's for the team.", "y": "i do not want to have sex with marshall."}, {"x": "sure.", "y": "i can not stop now, not before the most important interview of my life. it's too stressful."}, {"x": "you stop! it all stops.", "y": "ok, i stop."}, {"x": "oh my little princess porcelain, why would you do that?", "y": "why? because it is important to don, the issue is important and my career. not like you, you incompetent. you're boring, you are bad, and i want you to work at least as hard as the elastic of your underwear."}, {"x": "i begin to believe that it becomes personal.", "y": "no gift, it would become personal if i told you that just because you pass emission issue, it's because you're losing. a loser lazy and obnoxious."}, {"x": "5... 4... 3... 2...", "y": "hello, this is robin scherbatsky."}, {"x": "you think i'm a loser? you're right, i'm a but at least i accept it.", "y": "a raccoon has bitten a patient in a nursing home."}, {"x": "i was like you at first, i always wanted more, and i had nothing. this is a dead robin, you'll never be a superstar of television. since you never stop smoking.", "y": "what are you doing?"}, {"x": "i like my cigarette. oh that's good. want a latte?", "y": "you can be professional?"}, {"x": "yes professional, you know who holds the camera? a chair, even the cameraman is not looking our show and that's why the mayor has canceled. and mike went to fast food, and that you and i can enjoy a cigarette here.", "y": "no thank you."}, {"x": "robin, do not smoke this cigarette.", "y": "marshall?"}, {"x": "they look at you all, we are all impressed and if you smoke this cigarette, we shall return it to us too.", "y": "you watch the show?"}, {"x": "yes sweetie, and you are very pretty.", "y": "oh guys."}, {"x": "resists sweetie!", "y": "thanks for calling friends."}, {"x": "oh, i woke up and i smoke. robin, you know how it's dangerous to wake a smoker sleeps.", "y": "i bought a packet on the way home."}, {"x": "and this guy so what con.", "y": "he ended up apologizing."}, {"x": "when he got up, the forms were more revealing, you should go out with him.", "y": "we believe in it all."}, {"x": "well look, the sun rises.", "y": "you know it's the perfect time there. for one last cigarette. the real last."}, {"x": "... two...", "y": "... three."}, {"x": "what's going on? there are queuing outside the mclaren's.", "y": "why it's almost that guys?"}, {"x": "look at all these guys. the sidewalk will feel the pee now.", "y": "we'd better find a new bar."}, {"x": "what... are you crazy? it's a sexy barmaid. do you know how long i've waited for me... my friends, i slept with many women in my glory days. lawyers, professors, poets, doctors, professional riders, and animators... a butcher, a baker, a candle maker. yes, we got to the part where it rhymes. a teacher, a restorative, an observer... a puppeteer, a croupier, a housewife, it is also a job, guys. a circuit court judge...", "y": "abbreviates!"}, {"x": "i never, never slept with a barmaid sexy, until tonight.", "y": "it's not so sexy."}, {"x": "would you jealous of the attention? imagined would be the sexiest girl in the bar?", "y": "no. shut up!"}, {"x": "a new super sexy barmaid.", "y": "you see? marshall does not think she's sexy."}, {"x": "now that you have been looking more closely, admit it the bartender is the sexiest of the bar.", "y": "the second sexiest."}, {"x": "it's easy. i just have to stop wearing costumes.", "y": "is that all? come on, you're always in costume."}, {"x": "true... but for these two... and, for that... finally, for her... i'll stop wearing, wait...", "y": "we know you're gonna say \"costumes\"."}, {"x": "the costumes and complexed. i hate them. i hate them.", "y": "so, your date with cindy?"}, {"x": "she exaggerates, there, right?", "y": "well, ted, she's right."}, {"x": "we have the remains cremated. its buttons have saved a sick jacket of the upper east side.", "y": "finally, you can abandon the quest for so-called sexy barmaid."}, {"x": "i'm just, like, me, my friend, against it, its old.", "y": "you two, the fact that it is not real sexy! she is sexy thanks to circumstances! look."}, {"x": "what are you doing?", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "you do not have the right to be there.", "y": "carl, listening. no. i do not want to leave. mercy, mercy, do not force me to leave."}, {"x": "you have to go. you have to go.", "y": "i was someone there, behind! everybody loved me."}, {"x": "exactly, that's why lily can know nothing.", "y": "lily can know nothing of what?"}, {"x": "what marshall is going to buy a horse.", "y": "really?! it's great, i love this stuff. guys why this kid staring at me? i understand, i think it happens at last. i recognized my show."}, {"x": "that's so cute. but it's scotty, one of my students, and he looks at me me. weird that i'm more famous than you.", "y": "no, i go on tv."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "i did not want to fix, it's just that i watch your show all the time.", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "uh, this is professor mosby.", "y": "we're friends."}, {"x": "what is this supposed to mean?", "y": "that's how it goes boy, every relationship has a low and high."}, {"x": "i am not diminished for lily. yes, it is a bit small, and my mother says she has no hips to carry a baby eriksen. my god, you think i'm weak.", "y": "that's why lily is not jealous. the strongest is never jealous because where could go lower? the fort, lily, is the best thing that low, marshall may have hoped."}, {"x": "no, ok, i'm glad lily, but lily is as lucky as me. none of us is low.", "y": "yes, it's definitely, you are going to buy a horse."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "try your luck."}, {"x": "so, to end modern architecture is very short, experimented with the houses in v. excuse me one second. what are you doing here?", "y": "i've realized that you forgot something this morning, so i thought i would bring thee thy pen."}, {"x": "it's your pen, and you have chewed the end, recently.", "y": "nothing to ted, your course was on my way to work."}, {"x": "no, it is not.", "y": "come on, stand new york."}, {"x": "i watch your show all the time.", "y": "really, you watch my show? you flatter me see. other fans here?"}, {"x": "thank you for last, robin.", "y": "that night, great show on poisons. also, who makes the worst pizza in new york, i will give you information on traffic streets 5 and 9."}, {"x": "sorry, you're right. she did not like anyway. she said it woke her up. does she said \"but um\" so often?", "y": "it's good but um, this was not your first spelling bee, does not it?"}, {"x": "no, the third.", "y": "oh that's good. but hmm. but um..."}, {"x": "okay, i understand.", "y": "ted, i have a great idea."}, {"x": "remove your hair in the bathtub once you're done? looks like you want to make a bath mat.", "y": "if you want to make one of your classes exciting, i could read it from someone a little more fun, your students can pay attention and learn."}, {"x": "oh, you're entertaining? last night there were 3 minutes of silence where you tried to patch up your sweater.", "y": "look, just because your class prefers me to you..."}, {"x": "... you're a drinking game.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "that's why they watch. they did a drinking game on you.every time you say \"but um\", they take a sh*t.", "y": "but umm?"}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "i'm not but um, i never told but hum."}, {"x": "well, what can i say except... um but i am! i can always come? i will pay?", "y": "so, your third book is your new novel, but um..."}, {"x": "but hum!", "y": "sh*t! sorry. but, but just. no hum! your first book was written more quickly?"}, {"x": "oh, it's true!", "y": "but umm..."}, {"x": "it's not pretty!", "y": "i wanted to ask about the novel you're writing right now, but um..."}, {"x": "but hum!", "y": "and tonight, you had to, but um..."}, {"x": "but hum!", "y": "for a long time, but um..."}, {"x": "i think i should go, keep your $ 10!", "y": "ok, um... but thank you for coming but um... if there are students who look, but um, but um, but um..."}, {"x": "yeah, i know not what has happened!", "y": "the police officer was unharmed but um..."}, {"x": "hi!", "y": "hi!"}, {"x": "how did it go with dale?", "y": "you know, sometimes, the guy with thick glasses and a t-shirt of the smurfs, it's just a cliche. and sometimes it is a moron with a squint and a platonic relationship with gargamel."}, {"x": "that brings us to the second night. you see the b*mb that pampers its black russian? she left to exchange it with a white american. enter me five! you know... if you're not careful, you'll lose me.", "y": "guys, when dale called for a second hot date, what do i tell her?"}, {"x": "how do you know he'll call?", "y": "how cute, marshall. but i think mom knows when she was a hit. i mean, he could not help but look at me."}, {"x": "have you finished?", "y": "you asked him if she had reached the right exit?"}, {"x": "wow, two in a row, barney is thoroughly.", "y": "this is a lucky girl, barney was my best sh*t."}, {"x": "there is no such bizarros who share everything.", "y": "of course i do."}, {"x": "it is perfectly normal.", "y": "what's happening guys?"}, {"x": "as in, a toothbrush?", "y": "as in, a toothbrush? you use both?"}, {"x": "marshall, 4 of 5 dentists have just vomited on.", "y": "hey, look, barney has yet fallen one."}, {"x": "excuse me, jen?", "y": "yeah, ted, we know tons of people who call jen."}, {"x": "jen coulin.", "y": "oh, you're there. the dreaded call from dale. oh, that's my mother. she has big health problems. but why does he not call?"}, {"x": "wait a second. want it called?", "y": "no! shut up! you have not a kind of toothbrush to share or something like that?"}, {"x": "no, there was a toothbrush in the bathroom, and it was mine.", "y": "wait. are you saying that for 8 years, you have shared a toothbrush every 3?"}, {"x": "finish me!", "y": "i'm having so much!"}, {"x": "yeah, they have a meeting friday to see if he keeps his job or not.", "y": "poor guy. it must pinball."}, {"x": "jen coulin!", "y": "jen coulin."}, {"x": "dale you called?", "y": "why do you..."}, {"x": "oh, my god, you've really pushed to the limit.", "y": "it scales all his education in the toilet."}, {"x": "news from dale?", "y": "it's only been five days, he will call!"}, {"x": "what do you care? you said it was a big con.", "y": "tell dale not like that, ok? it is twice as good as you never will!"}, {"x": "god forbid, if you manage to find a job, sell your apartment.marshall and i, we have a free room. you can stay as long as you want.", "y": "forget not you bring your toothbrush."}, {"x": "well, that's it. barney's still got to 6.", "y": "what? why? because the guy with the weird cut went back?"}, {"x": "i was there. damn, this guy could play.", "y": "i'm still not."}, {"x": "ok, let me do it the canadian so how do you react if one of those guys with skates and sticks came back here?", "y": "lily, if one of the vancouver canucks came here, i fall on my ass so that there would be a hole halfway to china in the soil."}, {"x": "it's the same thing for the yankees.", "y": "oh, barney's done."}]
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