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+[{"x": "yes, perfect! and then you're engaged, you pop the champagne! you drink a toast! you have sex on the kitchen floor... don't have sex on our kitchen floor.", "y": "got it. thanks for helping me plan this out, ted."}, {"x": "dude, are you kidding? it's you and lily! i've been there for all the big moments of you and lily. the night you met. your first date... other first things.", "y": "yeah, sorry. we thought you were asleep."}, {"x": "it's physics marshall, if the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves too. my god, you're getting engaged tonight.", "y": "yeah, what are you doing tonight?"}, {"x": "thanks, it's lebanese.", "y": "hey!"}, {"x": "urgh. i'm exhausted. it was finger painting day at school, and a five year old boy got to second base with me. wow, you're cooking?", "y": "yes, i am."}, {"x": "aww are you sure that's a good idea after last time? you looked really creepy without eyebrows.", "y": "i can handle this; i'm full of surprises tonight."}, {"x": "so there's more surprises? like what?", "y": "boogity boo! and that's all of them! i'm goanna go... cook."}, {"x": "well, you're clearly drunk one more for the lady!", "y": "okay, look what i got"}, {"x": "aw-honey. champagne!", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "no, you are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne!", "y": "i'm not scared."}, {"x": "then open it!", "y": "fine please open it"}, {"x": "you are unbelievable, marshall. no", "y": "will you marry me?"}, {"x": "sup, carl?", "y": "i promised ted we wouldn't do that."}, {"x": "did you know there's a pop tart under your fridge?", "y": "no, but dibs. where's that champagne? i wanna drink a toast with my fianc\u00e9."}, {"x": "aww", "y": "i don't know why i was so scared of this. pretty easy right?"}, {"x": "let me guess, ted?", "y": "i'm sorry, lily. i'm so sorry. take us to the hospital."}, {"x": "sort of looks like a... smurf penis.", "y": "lilly?"}, {"x": "mom, dad, i have found the future mrs. ted mosby! marshall, how have i always described my perfect woman?", "y": "oh let's see she likes dogs?"}, {"x": "they're all yours.", "y": "oh, it is on! it is on till the break of dawn."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "so? did you kiss her?"}, {"x": "ee did marshall give me the signal?", "y": "no! i didn't, i swear."}, {"x": "...persuaded him to reconsider at which point the man came down off the ledge, giving this bizarre story a happy ending. reporting from", "y": "huh, guy didn't jump"}, {"x": "i'm goanna go kiss her. right now.", "y": "oh-dude, it's midnight. as your future lawyer i'm goanna advise you that's freakin' crazy!"}, {"x": "let's go", "y": "word up!"}, {"x": "kiss her, ted. kiss her good.", "y": "kiss the crap out of that girl"}, {"x": "no!", "y": "go back in there!"}, {"x": "come on up.", "y": "he's in."}, {"x": "so, marshall. this \"olive theory\" based on you and lily?", "y": "yeah..."}, {"x": "you hate olives? lily loves them, you can't stand them.", "y": "yeah, hate olives."}, {"x": "two weeks ago, spanish bar on 79th street, dish of olives-you had some. what up?", "y": "you have to swear that this does not leave this cab."}, {"x": "i swear.", "y": "on our first date, i ordered a greek salad; lily asked if she could have my olives. i said, \"sure... i hate olives.\""}, {"x": "but you like olives!", "y": "well, i was eighteen, okay? i was a virgin. been waiting for my whole life for a pretty girl to want my olives."}, {"x": "come on man, you said your stomach's been hurting, right? you know what that is! hunger. you're hungry for experience. hungry for something new. hungry for olives. but you're too scared to do anything about it.", "y": "yeah, i'm scared, okay? but when i think about spending the rest of my life with lily... committing forever, no other women doesn't scare me at all. i'm marrying that girl. lily. lily, i like olives."}, {"x": "okay, eye patch gone and we can't just abandon ted. if it doesn't go well up there he's gonna need some support.", "y": "it's been like twenty minutes. you think they're doin' it?"}, {"x": "you think they're doing it in front of the dogs?", "y": "doggie style."}, {"x": "and that was it, probably never see her again. what?", "y": "that was the signal!"}, {"x": "yeah ted, we're not on you anymore.", "y": "to my fianc\u00e9!"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "so you're not goanna call her? you went from, \"i think i'm in love with you\" to \"i'm not gonna call her?\""}, {"x": "she wants casual. okay, i'll be casual. i'm gonna be a mushroom cloud of casual. you know why? cause it's a game! i wanted to skip to the end and do the \"happily ever after\" thing but you don't get there unless you play the game.", "y": "so're you gonna ask her out?"}, {"x": "i got it! i don't ask her out... i invite her to our party next friday.", "y": "we're having a party next friday?"}, {"x": "you waited five minutes to tell me that?", "y": "alright-so call her up!"}, {"x": "that's great, ted. you'll be the most \"casual\" stalker ever.", "y": "baby, no. i have a twenty-five paged paper on unconstitutional law due on monday, i barely started,"}, {"x": "hey, i'm just sitting here. wearing my ring... my beautiful ring. kind of makes wearing other stuff seem wrong. like my shirt. kind of don't wanna wear my shirt anymore. or... my underwear. oh-that's right-i'm not wearing any.", "y": "no underwear?"}, {"x": "it is, it's tonight. this friday, did i say next friday? yeah-sorry-cuz i've been saying \"next friday\" all week, but yeah it's tonight. the-uh-party's tonight. but, you know, whatever.", "y": "hello?"}, {"x": "hey, am i interrupting anything?", "y": "no, no i'm just writing my paper. hitting the books."}, {"x": "yeah, well you and lily might wanna put some clothes on. we're throwing a party in two hours. okay, bye", "y": "so, gatsby, what are you goanna do when robin shows up?"}, {"x": "oh, the moon, the stars, the shimmering skyline. you can't not fall in love on that roof.", "y": "we do it up there sometimes."}, {"x": "at least it was a great party.", "y": "i ate like four whole cans of dip!"}, {"x": "it is the party's tonight. yeah-uh-it's a two day party. because that's just how we roll. uh-so if you wanna swing by its-uh-you know, casual. see ya. so that was robin.", "y": "what are you doing to me, man. i got a paper to write."}, {"x": "i know i'm sorry. it's terrible i'll buy more dip", "y": "ted! ted wait-get french onion. can you believe this guy, i got a paper to write. okay, fine but it's gotta be like super quick."}, {"x": "oh!", "y": "and no cuddling after."}, {"x": "whoa-whoa rabbits! come on, i got that roof reserved.", "y": "alright."}, {"x": "what the-no, no, no, no-come on!", "y": "sorry, ted."}, {"x": "great! what am i going to do when robin shows up. she'll show up.", "y": "alright, we threw two parties. everybody had fun. everybody wanged, everybody chunged. now the kid has got to get to work, and the kid is not to be disturbed. repeat after me, \"i will not have sex with marshall\"."}, {"x": "hey little old books. ready for a little fifteen minute recess?", "y": "sorry, baby, i gotta work. i need all my blood up here. has anybody seen an introduction to contract work institution statutes from 1865 to 1923? anybody seen a big-ass book?"}, {"x": "who is carlos!?", "y": "okay, where the hell is my-ohh! okay, introduction to contract work institution statutes from 1865 to 1923...is not a coaster! ted! i'm jeopardizing my law career so that you can throw not one, not two, but three parties for some girl that you just met who's probably not gonna show up. i mean where is she, ted, huh? where's robin? hi! hi robin."}, {"x": "yeah well, \"the one\" is heading up to \"the roof\".", "y": "what are you gonna do?"}, {"x": "hey, don't you have a paper to write?", "y": "dude, you're talking to the kid."}, {"x": "i know it.", "y": "i'm goanna knock back this beer. i'm gonna knock back one more beer. i'm gonna go home, i'm gonna write a twenty-five page paper. i'm gonna hand it in and i'm gonna get a a. my name is rufus, and that's the trufus."}, {"x": "let's go to maclaren's.", "y": "you guys talking to each other? nobody's listening."}, {"x": "get in the cab. marshall you too.", "y": "oh, i wish i could... i think lily and i are just goi..."}, {"x": "uhh... because he's getting laid.", "y": "consistently."}, {"x": "no, barney. don't you get on that escalator! and don't you dare get on that subsequent escalator!", "y": "studyin' law. making a responsible choice for my future... on a friday night. bein' a lawyer had better be awesome."}, {"x": "are you alright?", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "hey, guess where i am? i'm on a... ready? plane to... ready?...philadelphia.", "y": "that is awesome."}, {"x": "hey, is that marshall? marshall, stop whatever you're doing, get in that hoopty-ass vierro of yours and come meet us in philly. it's going to be legendary.", "y": "man, i wish i could, guys, but..."}, {"x": "you're going to philly? why...", "y": "i...i didn't ask."}, {"x": "well it sounds like you're having a lot more fun than i am. i'm just talking to guys' backs while they hit on robin.", "y": "ouff, yeah... i bet she gets that a lot."}, {"x": "don't you bet i get that a lot?", "y": "not with a ring on your finger. i mean, you know, guys see the ring and it's like cha-chung! marshall parking only."}, {"x": "oh, of course, that's it the ring! i guess i'm not used to it yet.", "y": "oh, it's totally the ring. if you took that ring off your finger, you'd have a ton o' guys crowding around your junk."}, {"x": "robin! robin. hey, i'm over here.", "y": "g-g-g-going to philly!"}, {"x": "marshall, don't come to philly.", "y": "but we're on an adventure!"}, {"x": "we're on a tarmac in philadelphia, crazy adventure.", "y": "fine!"}, {"x": "don't come to philly.", "y": "man, i'm almost half way there!"}, {"x": "yeah, we just got released and we're heading back on the next flight. meet us at maclaren's maybe we can still make last call.", "y": "can't we just... just..."}, {"x": "legendary!", "y": "legendary, that sounds awesome!"}, {"x": "no, marshall, we're going back.", "y": "fine. hold on i have another call. hello."}, {"x": "ted, ted, ted. yes, we are.", "y": "sorry, buddy, two against one."}, {"x": "lily's phone.", "y": "robin! uh... where's lily"}, {"x": "she's uh...", "y": "is she talking to some hot guy? oh, you can tell me. it's totally cool. it was my idea! hell, i told her she could take the ring off."}, {"x": "really? well i thought it was kinda weird, but if you're cool with it. yeah. it's off and she's talking to some guy. do you want me to go over and...", "y": "no! don't interrupt it's awesome. so the rings really off, huh? it's awesome... well just tell her i called and... tell her that... she's awesome. really, really awesome. our relationship is built on mutual trust. i can't breathe!"}, {"x": "marshall, no.", "y": "baby, please don't ever take that ring off again. no matter how awesome i say that it is."}, {"x": "it's okay, man...", "y": "back off hombre. i'm not that afraid to fight you. you wanna test this guy? be my guest!"}, {"x": "marshall, he's gay!", "y": "oh, thank god... i've never been in a fight before."}, {"x": "look at those colors! green and brown together at last!", "y": "hot top, bro, is it new?"}, {"x": "aaah, point is. i seem to like bourbon now. i could have sworn i hated bourbon. first the shirt, now bourbon. i spent twenty-seven years making up my mind about things, right? the movie i saw once in haden, the city i'll never go back to because it was raining the day i visited. maybe it's time to start forming some second impressions...", "y": "you're finally gonna watch \"goonies again? slow love, chuck\"."}, {"x": "say what you will about the p*rn industry... they are hard workers.", "y": "what about that chick...um...jackie?"}, {"x": "well, you must have done something. why did you guys break up?", "y": "he wasn't ready for a commitment."}, {"x": "no, i didn't dump her... right before her birthday.", "y": "uh-oh."}, {"x": "on...her...answering...machine!? and...on...her... birthday? oh... who... breaks... up... with... somebody... on... their... answering... machine... on... their... birthday?!", "y": "yeah, dude, email!"}, {"x": "not exactly the point i was trying to make, marshall. that is a terrible way to break up with someone.", "y": "okay, in my client's defense. is there an unterrible way to break up with somebody? no. personally i'd rather hear the bad news on an answering machine than face the humiliation in person. it's the least painful way you can do it. who are you calling?"}, {"x": "bye.", "y": "dude, what's krav maga?"}, {"x": "you know, that natalie... she's good times.", "y": "yeah, she's like the best girl you've dated in years."}, {"x": "yeah, i have to break up with her.", "y": "i don't get it, man, natalie is awesome."}, {"x": "i know! i hate this. these past three weeks have been great. i should be in love with her, but i'm not feeling that thing. it's ineffable.", "y": "ineffable... good word. so when are you going to do it?"}, {"x": "i have to do this face-to-face. i just... i don't know what i'm going to say!", "y": "\"i'm not ready for a commitment.\""}, {"x": "oh, that's such a clich\u00e9.", "y": "it's not a clich\u00e9, it's a classic. it's the stairway to heaven of breakup lines."}, {"x": "well, i think natalie deserves better.", "y": "better. there's no better in breaking up. there's only less awful. a clich\u00e9's a clich\u00e9 for a reason. it's comforting."}, {"x": "it doesn't matter, i already told her i am ready for a commitment, so... oh, my god... there's no way out... i'm going to have to marry her.", "y": "no, no. we're going to get you out of this. okay, how about... \"it's not you it's me\"?"}, {"x": "so, tell her that.", "y": "oh, you can't tell her that. that's horrible."}, {"x": "exactly, you wouldn't take it personally if you lost the lottery.", "y": "alright, man, tell her the truth. she's goanna cry."}, {"x": "you know, metro news one may not be number one in viewer ship. but this reporter takes pride in... whoa!! oh! oh, my god! i'm covered in horse crap! it's in my hair!! oh my, ow... ow my knee.", "y": "you planned that?"}, {"x": "but isn't it nice to know that people are watching?", "y": "oh, my god. are you alright?"}, {"x": "told the truth, turns out the truth has a mean round house kick.", "y": "oh, man."}, {"x": "chug, chug, chug", "y": "ten seconds!!"}, {"x": "i don't know, i just felt embarrassed. claire is my age, and she and her husband do all these classy grownup stuff. maybe we should start doing some grownup stuff.", "y": "that was some pretty grownup stuff we did this morning."}, {"x": "yeah, but it wasn't classy. maybe we should have a wine tasting party.", "y": "i like wine. i like tasting. you know i can party, let's do it. let's rock it, maturity style!"}, {"x": "alright, tin-man. let's hit it.", "y": "alright, well, have fun at your little disco, guys."}, {"x": "marshall and i are just growing up.", "y": "yeah, it's going to be sweet, too. like tonight we're tasting all these different wines, pairing them up with these cool gourmet cheeses..."}, {"x": "ah!", "y": "ah, no i think we're going to wait on the baby thing. i mean i love babies. babies rule. pudgy arms and stuff, but they make you old. kind of like this anchor weighing you down to one spot...forever."}, {"x": "i'm three month's pregnant.", "y": "i don't know guys. it's not awkward unless we let it be awkward."}, {"x": "...okay...", "y": "you think it was kind of weird that ted didn't invite me out with him?"}, {"x": "why, you'd rather be out at some dance club, all noisy and sweaty with the.... is that what you want?", "y": "is this what you want? thirty year fixed mortgage. i'm three months pregnant. that was awkward."}, {"x": "oh, not so fast. in order for the tannins to mellow, you should let it breathe for about thirty minutes.", "y": "freaking ten ends."}, {"x": "i would love one. just a beer!", "y": "you know what they're doing in there right now? they're watching claire's ultrasound video and i swear to god even the baby looks bored."}, {"x": "come on, it's not that bad. we're really starting to click with these guys. claire and austin just invited us to their fondue fest next saturday night.", "y": "you're also trying to get me excited about fondue?"}, {"x": "it's dipping stuff in hot cheese, what's not to love?", "y": "okay, that does sound good. but it's dipping stuff in hot cheese with boring people."}, {"x": "freaking tannins.", "y": "hey, robin."}, {"x": "hey!", "y": "why aren't you inside?"}, {"x": "i'm calling the owner, there's a guy in there who won't let me in to the stupid vip room. what are you doing here?", "y": "oh, i had this move. so i came here to bust it. can you get me in?"}, {"x": "great, voicemail.", "y": "thanks, i'll see ya."}, {"x": "nice eyes. cute smile. out of your league.", "y": "aah! coat wench do not uncheck that man's jacket. sorry, just being dramatic. you're not a wench."}, {"x": "what are you doing here? lily let you go?", "y": "lily? pfft. who cares right?"}, {"x": "you are so dead.", "y": "oh, i'm so dead."}, {"x": "wow. uh... i'm going home.", "y": "aah! i put my ass and probably other parts of my body on the line to party with my bro. now damn it, we're gonna party."}, {"x": "alright, one beer.", "y": "yes, finally i don't have to wait half an hour for a drink."}, {"x": "come on, let's go.", "y": "i'm staying."}, {"x": "there's barney. i'm leaving.", "y": "broke my tooth."}, {"x": "guess what came in the mail today?", "y": "our costumes? do they rule?"}, {"x": "they rule. and yours is 100% wool so you won't get hypothermia like last year.", "y": "tarzan nipple blue."}, {"x": "she's a slutty nurse.", "y": "robin, what are you doing for halloween?"}, {"x": "no, i mean, he's not my boyfriend. he's just this guy i've been seeing for a couple of weeks.", "y": "so why haven't we met him?"}, {"x": "come on, robin, trot our your new fella. let us judge and evaluate him behind your back. it'll be fun.", "y": "hey, ted, you'll never guess what happened?"}, {"x": "your costumes came.", "y": "our costumes...yes, that is why we're best friends."}, {"x": "kahlua and root beer", "y": "a cocktail she invented herself."}, {"x": "cher?", "y": "right here, babe."}, {"x": "i just met the perfect woman. she's funny. she's beautiful. she loves star wars.", "y": "whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. what's her take on ewoks?"}, {"x": "loves them.", "y": "oh good. i don't know why people are so cynical about ewoks. the rebellion would have failed without the ewoks."}, {"x": "get this, she's a marine biologist. she spent a year in antarctica studying penguins.", "y": "oh, penguins are cool, kinda like black and white ewoks. i approve."}, {"x": "can't wait.", "y": "so, what do you think?"}, {"x": "wow! marshall, you wearing eye liner?", "y": "oh, yeah. weirdly hot, right?"}, {"x": "we are so gonna win the costume contest this year.", "y": "first prize, $50 gift certificate at the bar."}, {"x": "and how much did you pay for your costumes?", "y": "$100"}, {"x": "yeah, four years ago, but nobody remembers what the hell a hanging chad is.", "y": "what a sad commentary on our national attention span that we could forget such a turbulent time in our political history."}, {"x": "all right, polly gotta pee.", "y": "again?"}, {"x": "where are you going?", "y": "it's an elaborate costume."}, {"x": "he's meeting me here. i ran late covering the halloween parade in the village. there are like a zillion gay pirates this year.", "y": "seriously, does my eye liner look ok?"}, {"x": "you thought i was...oh, i was just kidding. i gotta stop making jokes in e-mails. it's so hard to convey tone.", "y": "i think we got them b*at."}, {"x": "oh yeah. oh, thank you", "y": "starrr-ving"}, {"x": "i think you won the dish-off tonight, baby. this steak totally bitch-slapped my pork chop.", "y": "that might be true but your rice pilaf kicked my spinach in the crotch so hard it threw up a little bit."}, {"x": "a little to the left, marshall. lily, squat down.", "y": "this is gonna be a slaughter. none of these other costumes even come close to ours."}, {"x": "got it.", "y": "i still think we should have won as sonny and cher. maybe if i had worn that red dress. ha! if i could turn back time."}, {"x": "but, um, i would much rather share this small, one-scoop sundae with you, mike.", "y": "apple tart, excellent choice, lilypad."}, {"x": "no, no, no, i mean it just sounds a little bit weird, doesn't it? we love tiramisu. is it really a group activity, loving tiramisu? right?", "y": "so this italian place? how's their cannoli?"}, {"x": "ladies and gentlemen, the results are in. and the winners of this year's costume contest are lily aldrin as a parrot and marshall eriksen as a gay pirate.", "y": "oh yeah!"}, {"x": "oh, who cares, marshall? we won!", "y": "gay pirate, where are you getting that from?"}, {"x": "dude, you're wearing eye liner.", "y": "ok, i just want everybody here to know that i'm not a gay pirate. i have sex with my parrot all the time. that came out wrong. oh yeah, it doesn't matter! we won!"}, {"x": "i love you, marshmallow.", "y": "i love you too, lilypad."}, {"x": "you see, sometimes in life, you just have to accept that certain things can't be explained. and that's kinda scary.", "y": "oh my god."}, {"x": "what happened?", "y": "we saw something, up in the apartment."}, {"x": "something bad.", "y": "i don't know what it is, but margaritas make me sexy."}, {"x": "what was it?", "y": "only the craziest, meanest looking mouse you've ever seen."}, {"x": "mouse? sweetie, that wasn't a mouse. that was a huge cockroach.", "y": "baby, it was a mouse. it had a whiskers."}, {"x": "marshall ran away from a cockroach.", "y": "it, it was a mouse."}, {"x": "i'm not going to a matchmaker. that's like giving up. it's the man version of getting a cat.", "y": "no, it wasn't a cockroach. it had fur and only mammals have fur."}, {"x": "it was a cockroach.", "y": "come on, lily, the only way that that was a cockroach was if it was wearing the skin of a mouse it just k*lled."}, {"x": "hey, seriously, you have to stop doing that.", "y": "it's bigger now. it's been feeding."}, {"x": "we were just upstairs watching tv.", "y": "ah gosh."}, {"x": "ok, let's do this.", "y": "shh, shh, it's ok, it's over."}, {"x": "yeah. it has six legs, a hard exoskeleton like a roach...", "y": "but it has mouse-like characteristics. grey-brown tufts of fur, a tail."}, {"x": "oh, but it can.", "y": "and it has"}, {"x": "dude, is everything ok? you left the front door open.", "y": "there was no time."}, {"x": "he's a whole new species. the cockamouse.", "y": "and it's the size of a potato."}, {"x": "so, what, now it's a cockapotatomouse?", "y": "don't make it sound ridiculous. it's a cockamouse."}, {"x": "wow, ted, sounds like you're her perfect woman.", "y": "and like the majestic seahorse it's hermaphroditic."}, {"x": "obviously the whole thing is shrouded in mystery.", "y": "for as much as we know about the cockamousse, there are still so much we don't know."}, {"x": "well, we know that there's no such thing as a cockamouse. what we don't know is what you guys have been smoking.", "y": "so you really don't believe in the cockamouse?"}, {"x": "well, i believe that you saw something perfectly normal but you've exaggerated it in your mind, you know, um, like the loch ness monster.", "y": "if by 'like the loch ness monster,' you mean, totally exists and is awesome, then yeah, it's like the loch ness monster."}, {"x": "ok, we get it. you're skeptical. but marshall and i, we're believers. we believe.", "y": "yeah, look around. the universe is mysterious and awesome. you got the bermuda triangle, ghosts, big foot."}, {"x": "bad maps. creaky houses. hillbilly in a gorilla suit.", "y": "aliens."}, {"x": "you can't be serious.", "y": "my friend, you just poked the bear."}, {"x": "come on, lily, don't hate the player, hate the game.", "y": "on the night of july 2nd, 1947, conditions were clear over roswell, new mexico."}, {"x": "oh geez.", "y": "oh, hey, ted, there's a message on the machine for you. dr. o'brien."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "when suddenly, an array of"}, {"x": "yeah, we're gonna make some crop circles.", "y": "oh my god!"}, {"x": "holy crap. we got it! what do we do with it?", "y": "calm down, i have a plan. i told my friend, sudeep, about it. he wants to show it to the columbia biology department. but it has to be alive."}, {"x": "if this thing is what you say it is, it could be huge for my career.", "y": "brace yourself, dude. this is gonna blow your mind hold."}, {"x": "you bastard, i actually got excited about this.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "it's empty.", "y": "wait, but if it's not here, that means...lily."}, {"x": "it was the only think i could think of.", "y": "lily thank god."}, {"x": "wow.", "y": "be free, mutant beast. i'll miss this private w*r of ours. i grew to admire your tenacious...oh my god, it's headed this way."}, {"x": "plugging in.", "y": "saving game."}, {"x": "no way. you're making this up.", "y": "yeah, the building would have had to give you some sort of notice."}, {"x": "three months ago. here's your mail minus the magazines.", "y": "well, still, legally, they can't just toss you out onto the street. you have a lease."}, {"x": "of course.", "y": "you sure about this, ted?"}, {"x": "yeah, we've talked about it.", "y": "so, when lily and i get married, who's gonna get the apartment?"}, {"x": "oh, that's a tough one. you know who i think could handle a problem like that?", "y": "who?"}, {"x": "future ted and future marshall.", "y": "totally. let's let those guys handle it."}, {"x": "yeah, definitely. i mean, so does shocky.", "y": "really? i always thought shocky's coffee tasted kinda rusty."}, {"x": "yeah, no, it did. i mean, i kinda liked the rusty taste. i'm used to it. i don't know.", "y": "also lily's coffeemaker doesn't, you know, shock you."}, {"x": "no. you gotta admit, that shock, wakes you up in the morning", "y": "you know what else wakes you up in the morning? coffee."}, {"x": "done. the painting's done.", "y": "that is great."}, {"x": "nice.", "y": "where do you wanna hang it?"}, {"x": "yeah, that would be a good place for it. too bad the swords are there. we kinda love those swords.", "y": "well, those swords have been up there a long time."}, {"x": "man, ted's been acting weird. he started labeling all his food. he even carved \"ted\" into that block of cheese.", "y": "yeah. well, now it's ed's."}, {"x": "he's not cool with me moving in.", "y": "no, that's not it. i mean, you basically lived here all along. ted loves you."}, {"x": "so, what's he pms'ing about?", "y": "i don't know. but when he's ready to talk to me about it he'll come and talk to me about it."}, {"x": "he'll just let it fester under the surface until he does something big and passive-aggressive.", "y": "you clearly don't know ted."}, {"x": "delivery for ted mosby.", "y": "your english phone booth arrived."}, {"x": "oh, awesome. it's great, right?", "y": "yeah, i guess. just not sure if lily's gonna like it."}, {"x": "well, i like it, so i'm just gonna keep it right here, if that's cool.", "y": "of course, we all live here so we should all be able to have things the way we want them."}, {"x": "exactly.", "y": "great"}, {"x": "oh, so it's like that, is it?", "y": "bring, bring."}, {"x": "i want this apartment.", "y": "well, i want it too."}, {"x": "all right marshall, we're deciding right now who gets this apartment. it may lead to an argument, but we're settling this.", "y": "or we could flip a coin."}, {"x": "yeah, let's flip a coin.", "y": "flip it."}, {"x": "ok, i'm flipping it, here i go.", "y": "flip it."}, {"x": "ok, here i go.", "y": "flip it."}, {"x": "i'm flipping. but before i do, i just wanna say something. you didn't even wanna move in here in the first place. you said a pre-w*r building was bad for your allergies.", "y": "that was five years ago. now you can get prescription-level antihistamines over the counter. oh snap. what else you got?"}, {"x": "ok, i'm flipping. heads or tails.", "y": "you don't need two rooms"}, {"x": "heads or tails, marshall. like you need two rooms?", "y": "we might be starting a family soon."}, {"x": "oh, no you're not. there's no way you're having a baby while you're in law school. it's gonna be at least three years.", "y": "it could be sooner, we're not that careful with our birth control two-zip."}, {"x": "oh, come on, you know damn well i move out that room's going unused.", "y": "oh, and i suppose you'll get a new roommate? who's it gonna be? barney? you know he cooks naked."}, {"x": "we were bros! these swords represent our bro-hood. and you took 'em down to make room for your fiance's stupid painting?", "y": "my fianc\u00e9...suddenly, she's my fianc\u00e9."}, {"x": "i deserve this apartment, marshall.", "y": "no more than i do."}, {"x": "great, so let's flip for it.", "y": "flip it."}, {"x": "so, is this how we're deciding who gets the apartment?", "y": "i guess so."}, {"x": "how are we doing this exactly? is this like to the death?", "y": "we should probably figure that out."}, {"x": "can i observe something?", "y": "that this is kinda awesome?"}, {"x": "totally.", "y": "i can't believe we didn't do this before."}, {"x": "look, if you're a hooker, i don't have a lot of money.", "y": "that was awesome."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "do it again."}, {"x": "look. here's why i should get the place. you and lily, you get to be married. what do i get, right? i get to be unmarried, alone, minus two roommates. and on top of that i could be homeless. does that seem fair?", "y": "oh, boo-freakin-hoo."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "woe is me. i'm not married yet. my ovaries are shrinking. ted, if you wanted to be married by now you would be but you're not. and you know why? because you're irrationally picky. you're easily distracted and you're utterly anhedonic."}, {"x": "anhedonic?", "y": "anhedonic. it means you can't enjoy anything."}, {"x": "the hell i can't. i'm enjoying this.", "y": "i know, this rules."}, {"x": "that's ok, it led to this totally rad sword fight, didn't it?", "y": "yeah it did."}, {"x": "congratulations, marshall. we live in an apartment with swords on the wall.", "y": "list of lifelong dreams, you're not half as long. crap. i'm missing one of the screws for this table"}, {"x": "just use this wood glue, it'll hold.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "no, i swear that was a real call. i just...oh forget it.", "y": "i stabbed lily. i stabbed my fianc\u00e9."}, {"x": "is she ok?", "y": "they're just patching her up. she's gonna be fine."}, {"x": "all set. she said she'd like to see the knights of the poorly constructed round table?", "y": "that's us."}, {"x": "on monday, i'm gonna have to tell my kindergarten class who i teach not to run with scissors that my fianc\u00e9 ran me through with a frickin' broad sword.", "y": "well, just to be fair, it didn't go all the way through."}, {"x": "i'm sorry, is this a discussion of the degree to which you stabbed me?", "y": "you're right. i'm sorry. we were fighting to see who gets the apartment. and i won."}, {"x": "uh, you didn't win. i gave it to you.", "y": "uh, you know, if i tried..."}, {"x": "wait wait wait wait wait. i don't want that apartment. it's a boy apartment. it's full of swords and videogames, and kinda smells like dude. it's fine for now, but when we get married, i wanna start a new life with you in a new place.", "y": "gonna miss the old place."}, {"x": "yeah, that's future marshall's problem. let that guy deal with it.", "y": "totally."}, {"x": "maybe it's the massive blood loss talking but i'm starving.", "y": "let's go get some dinner."}, {"x": "the thankstini. a fun and delicious new novelty drink i invented. cranberry juice, potato vodka and a bouillon cube. tastes just like a turkey dinner.", "y": "it's like thanksgiving in my mouth."}, {"x": "you want a good holiday drink, try his kwanzaapolitan.", "y": "the shuttle's here!"}, {"x": "he hasn't been back home to minnesota since christmas. he's a little excited.", "y": "baby, we're holding up the shuttle, do you have everything you need? toothbrush, pajamas, underpants. underpants."}, {"x": "exactly.", "y": "where are all my underpants?"}, {"x": "did you check your suitcase?", "y": "let's go."}, {"x": "and go they went, all the way to st. cloud, minnesota, marshall's hometown. and as lily stepped into her fiance's boyhood home, she received a big welcome.", "y": "hello, we're home!"}, {"x": "well, it's a combination of the two. we call it baskiceball.", "y": "we invented it. it's the most dangerous and awesome sport in the world."}, {"x": "it's baskiceball, ok? and i'm the best.", "y": "you wish."}, {"x": "oh, well maybe that's just 'cause you haven't seen me play.", "y": "i don't know honey, it's not really a sport for a girl."}, {"x": "mayo's in that cabinet.", "y": "oh my god, there is some serious baskiceball going on out there. dad totally nailed marcus in the face with a snowball, which is a foul because you only get one snowball per possession, so i nailed him in the shin with my skate and i totally dunked it."}, {"x": "hey gorgeous!", "y": "you having fun? lily yeah, but i kinda miss you. could you stay in here for a little bit?"}, {"x": "go.", "y": "thanks baby."}, {"x": "three months! three months?", "y": "he's been drinking his milk."}, {"x": "well, that's 'cause those ericksen boy's boys can swim. they've got two tails and a drill bit for a head.", "y": "dad, you're embarrassing me."}, {"x": "but the apron.", "y": "well, we haven't actually decided anything yet so..."}, {"x": "oh, sure, in st. cloud but our kids aren't gonna be growing up in st. cloud. right, baby?", "y": "why not st. cloud? i mean, i loved growing up st. cloud. st. cloud is a great place to have a childhood."}, {"x": "but, marshall, you love new york.", "y": "yes, i do. but you always said that when we had kids, you wanted to move out of manhattan."}, {"x": "yeah, to brooklyn.", "y": "why are we even talking about this? this is way down the road."}, {"x": "i need to go to the restroom.", "y": "lily, the restroom's the other way."}, {"x": "so she headed down the road.", "y": "lily."}, {"x": "public urination. who gets arrested for public urination?", "y": "lily's been arrested."}, {"x": "oh dear, what for? marshall public urination.", "y": "thanks, pete."}, {"x": "no problemo marsh.", "y": "you all right? lily no. i embarrassed myself in front of your family and now i'm celebrating thanksgiving in probably the most depressing place ever."}, {"x": "ok, i'll tell you but before i do, promise me that we are not gonna move to st. cloud, minnesota, promise.", "y": "look, i'm not suggesting that we move here tomorrow. i'm just..."}, {"x": "just promise.", "y": "why do you want me to promise you that?"}, {"x": "because i don't fit in here. i'm not eight feet tall and i don't think you can call it a salad if it has funyuns in it.", "y": "i'm funyuns and mayonnaise and gummy bears and baskiceball and i love st. cloud. and yes, there is a part of me that would like to move here someday, and why are we having this discussion in a jail cell on thanksgiving?"}, {"x": "pete arrested me before i could look at it.", "y": "whoa."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "lily, we can't let our kids play baskiceball. baskiceball is really dangerous."}, {"x": "yeah, what are the rules to that game, anyway? marshall there are no rules, we just wail on each other.", "y": "look, i don't wanna be exactly like my family, and don't take this the wrong way, but i don't wanna be exactly like your family either."}, {"x": "gosh, i hope you're the father. just a little joke to lighten up the mood.", "y": "what does it say? lily i'm afraid to look."}, {"x": "these look kinda like blood.", "y": "ok, i know that you've all dismissed this theory before, but is there any chance that carl is a vampire?"}, {"x": "that's ridiculous.", "y": "i'm serious. think about it. he always wears black, we never see him in the daylight, only after dark."}, {"x": "bye.", "y": "you ok?"}, {"x": "sure, why?", "y": "i don't know. girl of your dreams dating a billionaire."}, {"x": "hm. yeah, i think it's pretty solid.", "y": "ok, think about this, is there even a single item on the menu that has garlic in it?"}, {"x": "garlic fries.", "y": "ok, well, i'll get back to you."}, {"x": "ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think. i'm teaching you how to do, do, do.", "y": "doo-doo."}, {"x": "oh yes it can.", "y": "interesting"}, {"x": "oh no. i want you to do five sh*ts.", "y": "oooh, more interesting."}, {"x": "no, don't think. do.", "y": "ted, he's right. you overthink. maybe you should overdrink."}, {"x": "ok, what the hell happened last night?", "y": "you really don't remember, superbrain?"}, {"x": "i drank all five, bitch.", "y": "i love drunk ted."}, {"x": "no dibs.", "y": "oh."}, {"x": "robin.", "y": "oh, bad idea."}, {"x": "says every girl you've ever slept with.", "y": "say what?!"}, {"x": "slow.", "y": "wow, right, that's why we don't do sh*ts."}, {"x": "was that necessary? he is not making smart decisions. barney exactly. it's like, what's he gonna do next. i don't know, but i want to find out.", "y": "cheap trick? oh ted."}, {"x": "i love everyone in this bar.", "y": "and we love you, drunk ted."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "and a pineapple."}, {"x": "don't worry, i slept through it. i totally didn't sleep through it. for a little girl, you've got a big t*nk.", "y": "how did you get in here anyway? we put ted to bed around one."}, {"x": "good night, ted.", "y": "love you too, buddy."}, {"x": "you set me on fire. and who's the girl in my bed?", "y": "and a pineapple. am i the only one who's curious about the pineapple?"}, {"x": "i don't know.", "y": "dude, call it. hold on, i'm gonna make some popcorn."}, {"x": "it's robin. that's robin in there.", "y": "did you guys?"}, {"x": "someone get him a sh*t, he's thinking again.", "y": "maybe it's not such a bad idea to think about this one. you and robin went down this road before, you got dinged up pretty bad."}, {"x": "daddy's home.", "y": "good luck buddy."}, {"x": "ted, i think you and i should have a talk about those phone calls last night. do you mind if i swing by?", "y": "ask her about the pineapple."}, {"x": "so i came over here. and now i'm really, really embarrassed.", "y": "dammit, trudy, what about the pineapple? sorry."}, {"x": "let's go get a snack.", "y": "i love to snack."}, {"x": "i am definitely getting psyched.", "y": "oh, god. i'm reaching dangerous levels of psychage. must do robot."}, {"x": "party number one!", "y": "i can't believe we're leaving a party that had pigs in blankets. if you think we can b*at that, you got some brass ones."}, {"x": "hi. mary beth. so great to meet you guys.", "y": "my word."}, {"x": "isn't she awesome?", "y": "how are your feet doing, baby?"}, {"x": "party number two? not so good.", "y": "let's go back to party number one."}, {"x": "derek's stuck in connecticut closing some deal. who works on new year's eve? okay. now i feel worse. i was really looking forward to this night. this sucks.", "y": "oh, dude, not now!"}, {"x": "we couldn't go back for natalya, a human being, but we do have time for hot dogs?", "y": "yeah, we like hot dogs."}, {"x": "stopping the car.", "y": "wait. baby, what are you doing?"}, {"x": "i can't stay in these heels any longer, i just can't. there's a cab over there. i'll just run back to the apartment and change shoes.", "y": "but... hot dogs."}, {"x": "well, i know, baby, i'd love to go, but it's two against one.", "y": "okay, i'll go with you."}, {"x": "no, baby. baby, you go with them and i'll meet you at, at... party number three.", "y": "are you sure?"}, {"x": "if i don't see you, happy new year.", "y": "don't say that. we'll find each other. we'll find each other."}, {"x": "i know we will.", "y": "hell of a woman. let's go get some hot dogs!"}, {"x": "party number three.", "y": "oh, yeah! look at us. riding around in a limo. eating hot dogs. it's like we're the president."}, {"x": "oh, so much better.", "y": "guys. is that moby? i think that that's moby."}, {"x": "all right.", "y": "uh, ted. sidebar?"}, {"x": "um... moby, switch up, will you? yeah, what's up?", "y": "what about lily?"}, {"x": "call her.", "y": "i've been trying to call her. i can't get through. all the circuits are jammed."}, {"x": "that's new year's eve for you. well, look, we'll just swing by moby's party and then afterwards...", "y": "no, i-i can't. lily's waiting. i gotta... i gotta find her. okay, i'll meet you at party number three."}, {"x": "marshall!", "y": "lily!"}, {"x": "marshall!", "y": "i knew i'd catch up with you guys eventually. so much to tell. i couldn't find lily at party number three so i walked... i walked to the next party on the list."}, {"x": "not moby's party?", "y": "yes, moby's party. check it out. he signed my shirt. and guess what i found. yeah, i heard it playing at the party, so i swiped it. yeah, i know. come on."}, {"x": "baby, baby, i was so worried about you. why didn't you call me?", "y": "i tried, baby. all the circuits were jammed. but wait, there's more. after party number four, i figured you guys went to party number five. and so i went there, too, and it is awesome. i want to cry, it is so awesome. we have to go there."}, {"x": "no, that's terrible, are you ok?", "y": "yeah, do you need a drink or something?"}, {"x": "oh, because they were buried in a shallow grave.", "y": "not again. come on, dude, we all know how this movie ends. ted falls in love. love kicks ted in the sprouts. roll credits."}, {"x": "what i don't get is, why is claudia marrying stuart? she's way hotter than him. how way? way way.", "y": "this wedding does sound pretty amazing though. fancy hotel ballroom, everybody all dressed up."}, {"x": "we can't get anywhere with our wedding plans because i want it to be fun and marshall wants it to be lame.", "y": "oh yeah, ok, that's a pretty fair assessment of our two arguments."}, {"x": "i thought so.", "y": "you know what, excuse me if i don't wanna get married barefoot in the woods next to lake no-one's-gonna-drive-that-far. yes, i want a ballroom and i want a band and i want shoes."}, {"x": "yes, but i'm the bride so i win.", "y": "well, i thought marriage was about two equal partners sharing a life together."}, {"x": "well, if we leave now, we can still have a fighting chance. let's do it.", "y": "bye babe."}, {"x": "a little barney. and you know what he said? \"ted, you will bring no dates to this wedding. you will hit on drunk bridesmaids with actual-size barney.\"", "y": "wow."}, {"x": "please stop. i gotta call claudia. if i just explain to her...", "y": "ted, no. let it go. she's about to get married. she's got enough to worry about."}, {"x": "then what am i gonna do?", "y": "the only thing you can do. tell robin she can't come."}, {"x": "honey, this magazine says more and more couples are opting to have nontraditional weddings out in the woods.", "y": "well, if a magazine says so, we should go get married in the woods like a couple of squirrels."}, {"x": "squirrels don't get married, marshall.", "y": "like you could possibly know that."}, {"x": "nice.", "y": "what? how?"}, {"x": "i talked to stuart.", "y": "oh, you went around the bride. \"oh, this hornet's nest looks harmless. maybe i'll poke it with a stick. oh, look, some gremlins, let me go feed them after midnight.\" did you known about this?"}, {"x": "what? stuart doesn't get a say.", "y": "ha! so you admit it, the groom should have an equal say."}, {"x": "oh, yeah, sure, on the stupid stuff, like who comes.", "y": "so i can invite whoever i want."}, {"x": "it's claudia.", "y": "so, it begins."}, {"x": "crap, she bought some expensive shoes. she's really looking forward to this. do you think she's into me?", "y": "ted, focus."}, {"x": "i feel terrible.", "y": "well, feel terrible later. right now, we gotta fix this. lily, you go down to the bar and comfort claudia. ted and i will go and try to talk some sense into stuart."}, {"x": "ted, for all i know you did me the biggest favor anyone's every done me.", "y": "oh, come on, man, you don't mean that."}, {"x": "yeah, i do. this whole thing's made me realize, i miss being single. i miss staying out late and making messes and not cleaning them up. i miss owning p*rn.", "y": "dude, who doesn't."}, {"x": "ok, ask this guy. nine years he's been with lily. he's the pro. this guy knows relationships. tell him, marshall.", "y": "stuart, don't get married."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "i'm sorry. being in a couple is hard and committing, making sacrifices, it's hard. but if it's the right person, then it's easy. looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world. and if it's not like that, then she's not the one. i'm sorry."}, {"x": "i had the most amazing night ever.", "y": "tell me about it, that cake, best cake i ever had. seriously. my stomach was like, hey bro, i don't know what you're eating 'cause i don't have any eyes but it's basically awesome so keep sending it down gullet alley."}, {"x": "yeah, i know. my stomach was like, girlfriend, we don't always get along but that cake...", "y": "say what?"}, {"x": "no last names.", "y": "oh."}, {"x": "oh, what is wrong with you?", "y": "dude, that is just like... a weenie ass idea."}, {"x": "no, it was awesome. i had a great night, i'm never gonna see her again, and there's no way to ruin it.", "y": "ted, how do i explain this to you? last night i had the best cake of my life. you think i'm gonna let that cake out of my life? hell, no. i'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake and then i'm gonna get some more cake."}, {"x": "that cake really got to you, huh?", "y": "it haunts me."}, {"x": "oh, yeah, i'm gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it into the crowd and scream, crawl for it, b*tches. it's just what girls do.", "y": "so, where did you guys go?"}, {"x": "ok.", "y": "a drumroll? that's it. so, what, you just said good-night, came home, and performed a drum solo?"}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "so, let's get to work, man. what else do you know about her?"}, {"x": "no, ted, you don't mess with a honeymoon.", "y": "yeah, come on, dude. ask her about the cake."}, {"x": "maybe she used a second fake name. oh, she's good, she's very good.", "y": "maybe she was a ghost. that's why she didn't wanna kiss you, because you'd just pass right through her and feel really cold for a second. oh my god, i just had a great idea for a screenplay."}, {"x": "marshall. she was not a ghost.", "y": "i know that she wasn't a ghost, she picked up a bouquet, proving she had corporeal form."}, {"x": "ok, let's not lose hope. we'll call the hotel, maybe she was staying there. we'll have them check the registry for anyone named victoria. or maybe she goes by vicky or tori...", "y": "or ictor. probably doesn't go by ictor."}, {"x": "no, you know what? this is fate. i am never supposed to see this girl again. that was the whole point of the night. i've just been saved from myself. let's drink many beers.", "y": "agreed."}, {"x": "buttercup bakery. she wasn't on the guest list because she wasn't a guest. she made the cake.", "y": "she made that cake. ted, this is the girl. you gotta marry her, today. she has to move in with us."}, {"x": "no, no, don't do it.", "y": "baby, what are you talking about?!"}, {"x": "buttercup bakery. this is it.", "y": "good luck, dude. grab me a cupcake."}, {"x": "do you think they've been in there the whole time? i don't know whether to be proud or concerned.", "y": "maybe they're not even in there."}, {"x": "i'm just going to ignore that.", "y": "thank you!"}, {"x": "bye.", "y": "two days straight?!"}, {"x": "wow, your room must smell like a monkey cage!", "y": "come on, give us a number. lily guessed eight, but i know my boy got to double digits."}, {"x": "zero.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "guys, we just met. and we both screwed up relationships in the past by jumping in too quick, so we talked about it, and we decided to take this one slow.", "y": "her idea."}, {"x": "i don't feel so good. t's like my testicles mixed pop rocks and soda.", "y": "i can't believe she's making you wait a whole month. i would never put up with that."}, {"x": "thanks. we're going to the berkshires for the maple syrup harvest.", "y": "it's one of new york magazine's \"top five romantic getaways on a budget.\" who says sexual can't be sensible?"}, {"x": "actually, i was talking to my martini.", "y": "ready to go?"}, {"x": "hell, yeah. nothing better than a weekend at a good bed and breakfast.", "y": "yeah. waking up for breakfast at 700 a.m....sharp."}, {"x": "complimenting the odors and their collection of needle-point geese.", "y": "awkward conversations with middle-aged couples trying to stave off divorce."}, {"x": "yeah, well, we'd better get going, it's like a four-hour drive.", "y": "and it's supposed to rain tonight."}, {"x": "or we could just stay home.", "y": "maybe watch some tv."}, {"x": "order in some chinese.", "y": "oh, sichuan garden! are we really bailing?"}, {"x": "hell, yeah.", "y": "good, cause this thing's empty."}, {"x": "i'm so glad we decided to just stay home.", "y": "oh, i know. can you imagine if we'd gone? we'd be just getting there now, all tired and cranky."}, {"x": "and yet we'd feel obligated to have sex.", "y": "yeah, for 89 bucks a night, we're doing it. i would like to propose a toast. to the most awesomely mellow anniversary ever."}, {"x": "oh, my god, what are they doing home?", "y": "they think we went away. oh, it is on for my boy, ted."}, {"x": "but we didn't go away, we're in the bathroom.", "y": "they don't know that. all we have to do is hide out in here until ted moves his mojo into the bedroom."}, {"x": "but i don't want to hide out in here.", "y": "honey, ted has been going out of his mind waiting for this. if we go out there and spoil the mood, it's not going to happen. then one of us is going to have to have sex with ted, and... not going to be me."}, {"x": "ugh, that is bad. that is, like, high-school-literary-magazine bad.", "y": "and they're not even high."}, {"x": "it's actually working.", "y": "yeah, smooth but slowly. god, close the deal, already. it's been, like, 45 minutes... we could have had sex three times by now."}, {"x": "yeah, try five.", "y": "what up! maybe we should just go out there."}, {"x": "no way! we can't go out there now. they'll know that we've been sitting in the bathroom the whole time. it'll be too weird.", "y": "fine. but if we're stuck in here... i'm turning up the volume. shh. shh."}, {"x": "thank me later. let's keep moving. these little bastards are everywhere.", "y": "he's just staring into her eyes."}, {"x": "i don't know, we used to be even more nauseatingly into each other than ted and victoria. now look at us.", "y": "yeah... now we just make fun of people like that. it's the circle of life."}, {"x": "no, i'm serious, marshall. i mean, we couldn't even get it up to go on our big trip. and now we're celebrating our anniversary stuck in a bathroom.", "y": "well, it's not fair to compare us to ted and victoria. this is their first time."}, {"x": "yeah, but we could still have some more romance. now, you just say, \"want to do it?\" and i say, \"yeah.\"", "y": "want to..."}, {"x": "no! maybe we're just out of firsts.", "y": "looks like they're about to have theirs."}, {"x": "should we take this to the bedroom?", "y": "yes!"}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "yes!"}, {"x": "yes!", "y": "no. no, don't answer it!"}, {"x": "you can answer it. we have all night.", "y": "you're answering it? he's answering it!"}, {"x": "i need a drink. do we have any cough syrup in here?", "y": "shh..."}, {"x": "marshall, what happened to us? we used to just stare into each other's eyes all night long. have we lost that?", "y": "maybe. but i think i just found it. right here. baby, i'm giving you sexy smoldering with just a hint of crazy eyes."}, {"x": "okay, well, get ready for my sex-ray vision. did you remember to pick up the dry cleaning? oh, damn it.", "y": "it's all right. we can do this."}, {"x": "let's just hold hands. this is nice.", "y": "you love that move. it's a classic marshall."}, {"x": "all right, we totally suck at this. we really, really need to get out of here.", "y": "well, we can't."}, {"x": "baby, there's something i have to do, and if i do it in front of you, it'll change the entire nature of our relationship.", "y": "what is it?"}, {"x": "i have to pee.", "y": "this is bad."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "we've gone nine years without peeing in front of each other. you always think there'll be more time."}, {"x": "look at us. we're basically an old married couple, and we're not even married yet. the flame of our romance is flickering, and if i pee all over it, it might go out forever.", "y": "how much longer do you think you can hold it?"}, {"x": "i drank a big gulp of mountain dew during that quantum leap marathon.", "y": "oh, boy."}, {"x": "oh, my god, i hate ted. i hate him so much.", "y": "baby, why don't you just go? tons of other couples have peed in front of each other."}, {"x": "no, but we haven't, because i want to keep some of the mystery alive.", "y": "well, you have farted in front of me."}, {"x": "yes, but i always cover it with a cough.", "y": "you always do."}, {"x": "there's no time for that.", "y": "they can suck on each other's fingers for an hour, but there's no time to take two steps to the bedroom?"}, {"x": "baby, i can't hold it in any longer. it's time.", "y": "i know."}, {"x": "i love you, marshall.", "y": "i love you, lily."}, {"x": "i'm okay. you okay?", "y": "i feel the same. and yet, strangely different."}, {"x": "i'm happy for my bladder, yet sad for us.", "y": "you had to do it, sweetie... for ted. and, hey, look, at least now we can stay in here as long as it takes."}, {"x": "yeah. i guess our relationship had to take a hit so a new one out there could blossom. oh, crap!", "y": "they must have heard that."}, {"x": "well, i guess we can come out now. i don't believe it. they're gone.", "y": "good. 'cause i got to take a whiz."}, {"x": "backgammon, obviously.", "y": "no. backgammon sucks. i took the only good part of backgammon, the \"gammon,\" and i left the rest of it in the trash where it belongs."}, {"x": "look, um, you guys have always been like the parents that i still have and, in fact, moved here to get away from. however, could we skip the traditional interrogation of the new girlfriend tonight?", "y": "fine."}, {"x": "you must really hate the bitch.", "y": "but if you roll an even number while adjacent to the peppermint forest, then you \"marshall out,\" and all your chips go into the pot, and remember, if you ever ask the question \"what?\", then... you got to drink. got it?"}, {"x": "no", "y": "okay, okay, no, no, we'll just start, you guys'll pick it up. newbie goes first. roll."}, {"x": "okay.", "y": "three! you got autobiography. now, that's where you have to answer a personal question about your dating life truthfully in order to move on."}, {"x": "marshall, come on.", "y": "hey, she's the one who rolled a three. victoria, \"have you ever cheated while in a relationship?\" wow, good question."}, {"x": "it's okay. um, well, i was in a really crappy relationship in college, and i wound up kissing this guy at a party one night, and i felt terrible about it, so, i came clean, and we broke up.", "y": "victoria, that was an honest and mature answer. you may advance to the gumdrop mountains."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "you said what, you got to drink!"}, {"x": "cool, okay. you know, whenever.", "y": "okay, robin, your roll. five! another autobiography... for the player to your left, which... victoria!"}, {"x": "of course.", "y": "victoria, \"how many boyfriends did you have before you started dating ted?\""}, {"x": "oh, great, there it is. thanks, lily. you're a peach. oh, wow, look at that. robin landed on the chocolate swamp. that's five chips for me.", "y": "thank you! finally somebody understands marsh-gammon."}, {"x": "what?!", "y": "drink!"}, {"x": "ted! fine, fine. you cannot play it. shannon! i love you! i love you so much. what about us changing the world together? don't tell me you've forgotten. i know i haven't. will i ever see another rainbow? will an eagle ever soar through this tempest of woe? baby, please don't go there's a thief in the palace, she's stolen all my love there's a thief in the palace and she's...", "y": "did you try his cell phone?"}, {"x": "i'm sorry. i don't want to talk about it. it was the most embarrassing, and humiliating thing that ever happened to me.", "y": "well, we all have embarrassing stories. sometimes it's good to-to talk about it."}, {"x": "oh, really? then why don't you tell us your most humiliating moment, marshall? show me how good it is.", "y": "all right."}, {"x": "wait... what if somebody else told their most humiliating story?", "y": "oh, i know just how to decide who."}, {"x": "you brought the game to the bar?", "y": "well, we're not quitting just 'cause ted's so far ahead."}, {"x": "okay, how about this? i will tell you my most humiliating story.", "y": "yeah, victoria, way to step up!"}, {"x": "okay, it involves a game of truth or dare, a squeeze-bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparents' retirement community.", "y": "that is the greatest story ever!"}, {"x": "as i walked away, i realized shannon was an adult. her father couldn't control her life. i had to go back and confront him. she was in the middle of a heated argument with her dad.", "y": "now we all got to drink."}, {"x": "okay, okay. marshall's mom sent us cookies...", "y": "lily, no!"}, {"x": "hey, mrs. eriksen, it's lily. thank you so much for the delicious cookies. mayonnaise. really? never would have guessed. well, i will definitely give marshall a kiss for you. okay. take care.", "y": "oh, crap. my mom sent cookies?"}, {"x": "yeah. i wish we had a dog, so they wouldn't go to waste.", "y": "so we've got the whole place to ourselves."}, {"x": "i'm thinking floor sex.", "y": "sounds reasonable."}, {"x": "the... whole... time.", "y": "barney, that was really embarrassing for both of us. we just earned a huge chunk of story."}, {"x": "when?", "y": "sorry."}, {"x": "you ralphed and ran?", "y": "i thought you were vomit-free since '93. so that was a lie?"}, {"x": "wow, ted, you were right. you shouldn't have told that story. but you did earn yourself the right to the end of mine. we fast-forward eight years into the future.", "y": "wait, eight years, that's, that's this year."}, {"x": "um, are you coloring in your butt?", "y": "i have a big interview coming up, and my suit has holes in it. i can't sew, i don't own navy boxers, so, yeah, i'm coloring in my butt."}, {"x": "so wear another one.", "y": "i don't have another one. i'm flat broke. my only other suit options are track or birthday."}, {"x": "dude, you show up to an interview in that, even the hippie lawyers from granola mountain earth pals will hackey sack you straight out the door.", "y": "okay, it's the national resource defense council, and it's my dream job. except it's only an internship, and i won't be getting paid. mostly getting people coffee. but the people i'm getting coffee for... their bosses are going to save the world."}, {"x": "okay, tomorrow... oh, and i should mention this is going to rock your world-- tomorrow i'm taking you to my personal tailor.", "y": "a tailor? barney, i make negative $300 a week, and i need every negative penny of that for my wedding."}, {"x": "relax, my guy does everything for one third the cost. and there is no way you're getting married in that sarcastic-quotation-marks \"suit.\" tomorrow, noon, my tailor.", "y": "no thanks, dude. noon?"}, {"x": "it's a date.", "y": "hey, baby, how's the dress place?"}, {"x": "everything's so fluffy and white. it's like shopping in a marshmallow. how's barney's tailor?", "y": "um, everything here is dark and sketchy and seems illegal. it's like shopping in barney's mind."}, {"x": "well, good luck, baby.", "y": "bye. hey, barney, i'm not sure about this. a tailor in the back room of a pet store?"}, {"x": "look, do you want a quality suit and a free rabbit or not? ted, sergei says stop moping around. you're distracting him from his process.", "y": "you speak ukrainian?"}, {"x": "guys, i'm kind of screwed here. i don't want to lose victoria, but i can't ask her to stay just for me. and long distance definitely isn't an option.", "y": "no. no, no, no. no way. you know who likes long distance? girls. it's all talking and no sex. k*ll me now."}, {"x": "absolutely. i'm juggling four right now. there's lisa in madrid, there's erica in tokyo, there's laura in denmark, and kelly on 34th street. the lass thinks i'm a humble sheep shearer from killarney.", "y": "ted, do you remember in college when lily did that summer art program in paris?"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "well, she kept talking about this cheesy french guy, gabriel. so, i went out to visit, and there was this party. and who shows up but gabriel. and he's got this weak-ass, thin french moustache. i'm not much of a fighter, but i knew i could take this weird little dude. so, i took him aside, and i got all creepy quiet, i got the crazy eyes going, and i said, \"you stay away from lily, or i swear to god i'll eat that moustache right off of your ugly french face.\" yeah. yeah, he literally ran away. i think he was crying. i never told lily about it. to be honest, i'm not very proud of it. to be even more honest, i am."}, {"x": "um, other than confirming a lot of european stereotypes about americans, did that little story have a point?", "y": "yeah, the point is that even though lily is my soul mate, long distance still almost k*lled us. if you think that there's any chance that victoria is your soul mate, you should ask her to stay."}, {"x": "well, i don't know if she is. it's still so early, but yeah, she could be.", "y": "oh, please. you barely know this girl. what's her favorite color? is she a cat person or a dog person? is she open to a three-way? ted, i do more research than this before buying a cell phone. fyi, yes, i have three-way calling."}, {"x": "oh, excellent. we'll take this one.", "y": "whoa. hey, hey, it's my suit. shouldn't i be the one to choose?"}, {"x": "here. play with this pin cushion.", "y": "god. i'm going to look hot."}, {"x": "marshall, i can't let you waste a suit this nice fighting a losing battle for our planet's survival. this is a suit for winners. i am getting you an interview at my office. we need good men like you in our legal department. we get sued a lot.", "y": "no way. the kid does not sell out."}, {"x": "oh, come on, dude! three months working with me, you'll make more than lily makes in a year.", "y": "no. i've made my decision."}, {"x": "i want you to stay.", "y": "everything here is dark and sketchy and seems illegal. it's like shopping in barney's mind."}, {"x": "oh, good luck, baby.", "y": "bye."}, {"x": "i guess so. i guess so.", "y": "god, that sucks, man. i'm so sorry."}, {"x": "it was just too much pressure too soon. i mean, maybe it was silly to even think... yes, marshall, i see your new suit, and it's awesome.", "y": "well, thank you for acknowledging it. it was weird that you hadn't. look, i understand that you guys had to break up eventually, but why today?"}, {"x": "she's leaving tomorrow.", "y": "yeah, but she's still in town."}, {"x": "yeah, she... she's still in town.", "y": "yeah, so you spend one more amazing day together. ted, think about it this way if you knew that you were going to lose your leg tomorrow, would you sit on the couch and cry about it, or would you run, and jump, and do some awesome air kicks while you still could?"}, {"x": "awesome air kicks, huh?", "y": "new pajama bottoms?"}, {"x": "look at us two guys in suits. you feel that slight tingle? that's every girl in the bar wanting you, and every guy wanting to be you. actually, it's mostly me, but you're getting some of the splash.", "y": "hey, babe. dollar beer night, so i splurged and got us each our own."}, {"x": "so, have you thought more about coming to work for barney corp?", "y": "oh, please... your company is not called barney corp."}, {"x": "yet. oh, i almost forgot. sergei sent me your bill.", "y": "b... barney, this says $4,000. i thought you said that it was one-third price."}, {"x": "yeah, must be a $12,000 suit. oh, well, guess you'll have to come work at my company.", "y": "you set this up! you set this whole thing up!"}, {"x": "i most certainly did...", "y": "well, it won't work. even if i have to get two extra night jobs, i'll pay your precious tailor. i'm not selling my soul. baby, i know that this will make things harder, but i will make it work, i promise."}, {"x": "i destroyed an $8,000 wedding dress.", "y": "what time is the interview?"}, {"x": "so you don't want coffee.", "y": "i'm saying that the coffee industry is causing irreversible..."}, {"x": "all right. i'm pouring it out.", "y": "okay, one cup. the kid needs to be alert. first day on the job and everything."}, {"x": "i still can't believe you're going all corporate on us. \"the kid\" has become \"the man.\"", "y": "okay, it's just an internship to make a little money. after law school, i'm going to work for the nrdc. they're gonna stop global warming."}, {"x": "here's your sack lunch.", "y": "okay, i love you because, one, you made me a sack lunch and two, you laugh every time you say the word \"sack\"."}, {"x": "i love you, marshmallow.", "y": "i love you."}, {"x": "i love you too, marshmallow.", "y": "uh-oh. ted?"}, {"x": "oh, no. no, she didn't.", "y": "yeah. yeah, she did."}, {"x": "another care package?", "y": "how many is that so far?"}, {"x": "in the mail or in my mind? zero. she's up three-zip. oh! cupcakes! great. i bet they're delicious, too. yup, they're delicious. damn it! i don't deserve these delicious cupcakes. god, i hate myself right now.", "y": "god, that is so me at 15."}, {"x": "yes! look at you. you suited in an unmistakably upward direction.", "y": "whoa. that is a butt-load of motivational posters."}, {"x": "yeah, hell, yeah. i got 'em all teamwork, courage, awesomeness...", "y": "there's one for awesomeness?"}, {"x": "yeah, i had it made. sit.", "y": "hey, so, now that i'm working here, are you finally going to tell me exactly what your job is?"}, {"x": "hey, blauman, bilson, this is marshall. these guys are in legal. you're gonna be working with them.", "y": "marshall eriksen. nice to meet you."}, {"x": "oh, steak sauce! for true, though.", "y": "where, i don't, i don't see..."}, {"x": "marshall? sidebar. your tie is steak sauce. it means a-1. a-1? get it? try to keep up.", "y": "i don't have a back door."}, {"x": "hey! how was your first day?", "y": "i don't wanna talk about it. the guys i work with are a bunch of jerks."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "they're jerks!"}, {"x": "what makes them jerks?", "y": "forget it, i don't want to talk about it. well, like today at lunch.."}, {"x": "oh... does she cut the crusts off your sandwich, too?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "what's that?", "y": "nothing. give it."}, {"x": "oh, screw those guys! we're adorable.", "y": "i know. god. it's like freshman year all over again. only this time, my sweet dance moves aren't going to be enough to win them over. not even old reliable."}, {"x": "sweetie... it would be cool to have some extra money, but, but, if you're unhappy, it's not worth it.", "y": "i quit."}, {"x": "what? no. we're having so much fun. you, me, working together. it's great.", "y": "we're not even working together, barney. i'm in the legal department and you're... seriously, what is it that you do?"}, {"x": "please.", "y": "i'm sorry, dude, this corporate thing, it's just... it's not for me."}, {"x": "oh, of course it's not for you. it's for lily.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "marshall. lily's a catch. but do you really think you're going to hang onto a girl that great without the package?", "y": "the package?"}, {"x": "the package. the house. the car. sending your kids to a great school. a vacation once in a while.", "y": "lily doesn't care about that stuff."}, {"x": "well, no-- now she doesn't, but how's she going to feel in a couple years, when she's supporting you on a kindergarten teacher's salary while you're off in court defending some... endangered... south american... flying beaver.", "y": "she'll be happy."}, {"x": "totally what i was thinking. get out of my head, man!", "y": "barney, how do i get these idiots to leave me alone?"}, {"x": "marshall, consider the penguins.", "y": "the penguins?"}, {"x": "on the wall.", "y": "\"conformity. it's the one who's different that gets left out in the cold.\" this is a motivational poster?"}, {"x": "change your personality? that is so awful, and not at all motivational.", "y": "not necessarily. okay, at first, i was appalled, but then i realized it's just like dr. aurelia birnholz-vasquez in life among the gorillas. i have to gain the acceptance of the herd by behaving exactly like one of them. it's an anthropological study. isn't that cool?"}, {"x": "it sounds kinda like peer pressure.", "y": "no, no, no. it's totally anthropological and it's cool and i'm doing it."}, {"x": "yeah, i'm pretty sure it's peer pressure. we have an assembly every year.", "y": "i'm portraying someone who succumbs to peer pressure."}, {"x": "all right, but if those guys try to pressure you to smoke, what do you say?", "y": "only when i'm drunk."}, {"x": "okay, i'm psyched about this. but if i'm going to mentor you, i need to know you're psyched about this, too.", "y": "oh, i am. i'm, i'm psyched."}, {"x": "yeah, but it's one thing to say it, it's another thing to show it. show it.", "y": "i'm psyched!"}, {"x": "what was that? marshall, i should feel tremors of psychitude rock my body like a seizure. that was like a declawed pregnant cat on a porch swing idly swatting at a fly on a lazy sunday afternoon.", "y": "wow, that was really specific."}, {"x": "show me you're psyched! let's do this! ow! that hurt!", "y": "so badly."}, {"x": "and then you slip it to the guy with a discreet handshake and he'll get it done.", "y": "right. get what done?"}, {"x": "whatever.", "y": "cool. and what guy is this?"}, {"x": "there's always a guy.", "y": "okay, all right, i, uh, i think i'm ready."}, {"x": "you sure? you want to practice your story one more time?", "y": "all right. so dude, check it. i'm in san diego with two of my bro-sephs from kappa, and they're all, \"yo, eriksen, let's roll to the strip clubs.\" so i'm, like, \"snapadoo!\" so we find this choice nudie nest near the airport......and that is when the bouncer kicked us out. now, i have no idea if svetlana ever got her green card, but dudes, fake diamond ring? worth every penny, bruh."}, {"x": "i'd wait.", "y": "'sup, blauman? e-b*mb here. we still on for karaoke? dope. i'm going to rock you on the mike so hard your hears are going to bleed gravy. catch you on the flip, butt puppet."}, {"x": "okay...what do you think?", "y": "steak sauce."}, {"x": "steak sauce?", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "look, you know, whatever anthropology you do at work is your business, but please don't act like that around here.", "y": "lily, when dr. aurelia birnholz-..."}, {"x": "no, when dr. australia birdbath-vaseline came home from the gorillas, she didn't run around picking nits out of people's hair and-and throwing feces. i'm begging you just, just leave it at the office.", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "because you're acting like one of those guys, and those guys are lame.", "y": "okay, those guys were mean at first, yes, but they're actually good guys, and if you got to know them, then you would see that. come karaoke with us tonight, and you'll see how totally not that lame they are, okay?"}, {"x": "you're right. they're delightful.", "y": "so, barney, you gonna sing anything?"}, {"x": "nah. i'm so over karaoke.", "y": "really? i thought you'd be totally into it."}, {"x": "oh, baby, they have our song. let's do \"don't go breaking my heart.\"", "y": "\"don't go breaking my heart.\" elton john, kiki dee."}, {"x": "well, actually, marshall and i have this little dance routine.", "y": "\"iron man.\" i could do \"iron man.\""}, {"x": "okay, that was gross. when were you going to tell me you changed your entire career path?", "y": "nothing has changed, okay? i still want to help the environment. i just thought that maybe i could make some money for a few years. we could buy an apartment, send our kids to good schools. you could quit your job and focus on your painting. i know that you say you don't need it, but... i love you and i want to give it to you anyway. i want to give you the package."}, {"x": "the package?! you've already given me the package. you've got a great package, marshall. i love your package.", "y": "lily, you're the most incredible woman i know, and you deserve a big package."}, {"x": "marshall.", "y": "hey, hey."}, {"x": "dude, i feel like i haven't seen you in a month.", "y": "yeah. yeah. how you doing?"}, {"x": "i think victoria's about to break up with me.", "y": "oh, god, i'm sorry, man."}, {"x": "yeah, well, honestly, i'm having trouble remembering what she looks like. the more i try to picture her, the more i can't. like, i remember how she makes me feel. i just... i don't completely remember her. it's like i'm trying to preserve something that's already gone.", "y": "preserving something that's already gone. sounds like environmental law."}, {"x": "okay, okay. you want a second opinion? fine.", "y": "hey, did she call?"}, {"x": "no. i need a ruling. um, i'm... yeah, this is stupid. it's not even a big deal, but i'm on my way over to robin's right now. she got a new juicer. whatever. we're going to test it out.", "y": "let me call you back. honey, there's a situation developing. do you remember the huge secret that you told me that you weren't supposed to but you did? the thing... about robin?"}, {"x": "yeah, she told me already. go on.", "y": "wait. so i'm the only one that she didn't tell? she told you and not me?"}, {"x": "well, i guess i'm just better friends with her than you are.", "y": "well, i'm better friends with ted than you are."}, {"x": "that is a lie!", "y": "it is not a lie."}, {"x": "okay, that's it! you and me! i'm not afraid of you!", "y": "i'll show you things you never seen before! i used to box in the army!"}, {"x": "yeah. why do i doubt that? hello.", "y": "ted, i just saw the news and a truck carrying sulphuric acid overturned right in front of robin's house. and it's melting through the sidewalk. you can see straight down into hell. it's bad. you should go home, dude."}, {"x": "marshall, it's fine. nothing's going to happen.", "y": "ted, what does your mom always say?"}, {"x": "nothing good ever...", "y": "nothing good ever happens after 200 a.m. go home! it's too late for juice."}, {"x": "good. he's going home.", "y": "he is so not going home. i cannot believe you just told him that."}, {"x": "what do you mean?", "y": "lily, here's what you just said \"ted, whatever you do, don't go up there. there's a beautiful girl who wants to have sex with you. and then she's gonna make you some delicious juice.\""}, {"x": "yeah. i have no idea what that's all about.", "y": "how much does korean elvis rock? i'll answer that. infinity. he rocks... infinity."}, {"x": "you know, i have found, in my travels... that all the best things in life happen after 200 a.m. when i look back at the best stories of my life-- the liberty bell incident, the little scrape i got in at the russian embassy, the almost four-way.", "y": "you never had a four-way."}, {"x": "ted, this is your main man, k.e. i want you to shake your tail feathers down here asap, you dig?", "y": "sorry about that."}, {"x": "was that korean elvis?", "y": "i'll explain later. hey, we're headed down to maclaren's."}, {"x": "um... actually... i'm at robin's. yeah, and, um... i might have done something bad. i just lied and told her i broke up with victoria.", "y": "ted, i don't want to swear in front of korean elvis, but what the bleep are you doing, dude?"}, {"x": "i think he just spat on me.", "y": "barney, you tried, i think that's great, but we're going."}, {"x": "no! no, come on.", "y": "yes!"}, {"x": "okay, if we're at the \"le,\" then i say we follow it up with a \"t's go home.\"", "y": "oh, wow, you just got b*rned, phonics style."}, {"x": "hey, i know what you like.", "y": "hey, you guys remember the time that lily kicked korean elvis in the nards?"}, {"x": "yes, that's what i meant by \"you know.\" i haven't seen her in three weeks. she won't return my calls. look, i shouldn't go.", "y": "you should definitely go. look, it's a chance to show her you're still friends and that you support her."}, {"x": "oh, gross. what, you have some puritanical hang-up about prostitution? dude, it's the world's oldest profession.", "y": "you really think that's true?"}, {"x": "oh, yeah. i bet even cro-magnons used to give cave hookers, like, an extra fish for putting out.", "y": "aha, so then the oldest profession would be fishermen. kaboom! you've been lawyered."}, {"x": "that's adorable. ted, you're such a hayseed. the companionship business is the growth industry of the 21st century. you do realize that one out of every eight adult women in america is a prost*tute.", "y": "you just made that up."}, {"x": "withdrawn.", "y": "lawyered. the point is, how long has it been?"}, {"x": "no, it's not going to be weird at all. robin's bringing a date.", "y": "boy. that's going to be really weird."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "robin's bringing a date."}, {"x": "oh. okay. that's not weird. she's bringing a date. i'm glad she's moving on.", "y": "dude, it's going to be weird."}, {"x": "i'm not trying to make robin jealous, barney. look, i... tell mary, thanks, but no thanks. i have a soul.", "y": "check out robin's date."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "is that who i think it is?"}, {"x": "which sandy do we want today? french sandy, p*rn star sandy...?", "y": "yosemite sandy, definitely."}, {"x": "hi. mary. it's nice to meet you.", "y": "mary is a friend of barney's. barney invited her. just met mary ourselves. don't know too much about mary. look, a beer."}, {"x": "tonight we celebrate the very best in broadcasting and the triumph of the human spirit.", "y": "man, vampire lou just looks great."}, {"x": "i can't believe i'm on a date with a hooker.", "y": "yeah, i can't believe you let her and lily go to the ladies' room together, man. secrets come out in there."}, {"x": "who has sex for money?", "y": "nobody. what did you guys talk about in there? anything interesting?"}, {"x": "well, guess what, barney? i don't base all my life decisions on how much money i'm going to make, unlike you and, sadly, my fiance.", "y": "well, it's just an internship, for the record."}, {"x": "douglas, o'halloran and stamp.", "y": "that's a real law firm."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "nice."}, {"x": "no, lose your virginity. what up. statistic-- men who have had at least one relationship with a prost*tute are 75% more likely to have success in future relationships.", "y": "you just made that up."}, {"x": "withdrawn.", "y": "lawyered. okay, three things. first of all, robin's category's almost up. and second of all, you cannot do this. it's wrong on every level. and third, i've been placing small items in sandy's hair all night. he still hasn't noticed."}, {"x": "i know i can't do this. i'm not doing this. it's just... it's a shame. she's really cool.", "y": "yeah, well... there we go."}, {"x": "thanks. oh, wow. this is really a surprise. um, you know it's nice to be able to share this award with my friends. they're all here tonight. marshall, lily, sandy rivers... barney... and that's it. those are all my friends. thank you.", "y": "congratulations."}, {"x": "yeah, this party's dead. mary, you want to go upstairs? we, uh, got a room.", "y": "dude, what are you doing?"}, {"x": "what's it look like?", "y": "it looks bad, is what it looks like. you cannot do this."}, {"x": "marshall, she is a really cool girl when you get to know her. besides, i'm trying to make robin jealous.", "y": "oh, that's real mature."}, {"x": "marshall, what is up with you and ted?", "y": "nothing, baby. don't worry about it. fine. do what you want. hey."}, {"x": "oh, thank god.", "y": "wow, so they're...? robin, where's sandy rivers?"}, {"x": "i don't date people i work with. i was just trying to make ted jealous. is he...?", "y": "he's off trying to make you jealous."}, {"x": "oh, well, good for them. and, you know, if ted likes her, she's probably pretty cool.", "y": "lily, i know you're asleep, but i have to tell someone this, and we tell each other everything. so, here it goes. mary's not a paralegal. she's a prost*tute."}, {"x": "what?!", "y": "barney paid for her."}, {"x": "is that true?", "y": "we were having a conversation about prostitution, and then barney calls her up and then she shows up at the bar and now she and ted are upstairs."}, {"x": "you know, barney, for anyone else, this would be a new low, but sadly, for you, it's just a new middle. oh, my god, i used her lipstick! ah!", "y": "that's her napkin."}, {"x": "\"mary's not really a prost*tute.\"", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "that's all, vampire lou. nicely done.", "y": "so she's not...?"}, {"x": "oh, my god!", "y": "there was a cancellation two months from now."}, {"x": "you want to have our wedding in two months? no. it's impossible.", "y": "it's van smoot, lily. it's the dream!"}, {"x": "no, there's just not enough time. there's no way... oh! mini-vomit.", "y": "okay, look, look, look. i know that it's sudden, but check it. if we don't take this, guess who's on their way with a deposit check."}, {"x": "todd and valerie?", "y": "we got to make a decision. todd and valerie are in motion. van smoot!"}, {"x": "oh! kids, color come on, baby.", "y": "come on, come on, come on."}, {"x": "hello, marshall. lily.", "y": "todd. valerie. stairs."}, {"x": "i can't believe it. we got van smoot house.", "y": "it is on. it is on! like the former soviet republic of azerbaijan."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "you're a wonder."}, {"x": "or, actually, robin, why don't you go to the florist? and, ted, i could use your keen architectural eye on... on the invitations.", "y": "wow. that was really awkward, lil. and still. it's still really awkward right now."}, {"x": "lil, you know i can't promise that.", "y": "shh! shh! look how cute she looks. all tuckered out. hey, babe. hey, little one. hey, lilypad."}, {"x": "crap! band! we forgot a band! it's just gonna be silence and then people chewing.", "y": "shh! shh! baby, don't worry about it. i called the 88!"}, {"x": "who?", "y": "the 88. they're this awesome band. they played my law review party. they were found guilty. on three counts of rocking."}, {"x": "look, i... i can't sign off on a band i've never even seen. we... we don't even know if they can play our song. they're... they're going to have to come over here and audition.", "y": "baby, the 88 don't audition. they're, like, the wiggles of wedding bands."}, {"x": "well, then... i have to say no.", "y": "baby, they're only holding the date until monday."}, {"x": "well... well, are they playing anywhere this weekend?", "y": "let me check their website."}, {"x": "oh, right. you're getting married. you see what i did there? took a...", "y": "it looks like the 88 are playing at a high school prom in new jersey tomorrow."}, {"x": "a prom? can... can we go to that?", "y": "yeah, we'll just call the high school, they'll let us stand in the back and watch."}, {"x": "yeah. no, they won't.", "y": "why not?"}, {"x": "no sweat, we'll just sneak in.", "y": "we're not sneaking in to a high school prom."}, {"x": "yeah, you're right. besides, marshall and i have been planning on having a guy's night out before the wedding. why don't we just make it tomorrow night?", "y": "sounds awesome. we should go out and just get freakin' weird."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "'cause, you know, you be a bad, bad man, and i be an outlaw."}, {"x": "bye, have fun. see you.", "y": "they grow up into skanks so fast, don't they, ted?"}, {"x": "so, what, we ready for tonight?", "y": "yeah. just one thing we got to do first."}, {"x": "sh*t of jim beam?", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "yes!", "y": "and then i promised lily that we'd stuff 200 wedding invitations."}, {"x": "what?!", "y": "i'm sorry, dude, but you saw how stressed out she is."}, {"x": "come on! you've been doing wedding stuff nonstop. take a break. once you're married, if we go out and you get so drunk you throw up, it'll be sad, but if we do it tonight... it'll be less sad.", "y": "okay, it'll be cool-- i'll tell you what. we'll make a game out of it. first one to stuff a hundred invitations gets a big prize."}, {"x": "this is pathetic. it's guys' night. we should be out in a bar getting in fights. if i got in a fight, would you have my back?", "y": "you know it."}, {"x": "i'd have your back, too.", "y": "that's cool."}, {"x": "what, you don't think you'd need my help? you don't know what i can do. i'm like... like a berserker.", "y": "okay, ted. hello."}, {"x": "hey, it's robin. um, lily needs you to download the sheet music for \"good feeling\" and bring it out here, like, now.", "y": "hang on. it's robin. she wants me to go to prom. can ted come?"}, {"x": "he lied and told me he broke up with his girlfriend to try to hook up with me. i mean, i know he apologized for it but it's just, it's not easy to forgive. look, if you absolutely must bring ted, it's, it's not like i'm going to claw my own eyes out if he comes.", "y": "okay, bye. she totally wants you to come."}, {"x": "how'd you get in here?", "y": "what's it to you, giant turtle?"}, {"x": "it's me, barney.", "y": "oh, hey. where's lily?"}, {"x": "she's in the bathroom.", "y": "wait here, i should go talk to the band."}, {"x": "but you got in. slow and steady won the race.", "y": "hey, bro, have you seen my fianc\u00e9e lily?"}, {"x": "your fianc\u00e9e? whoa, tonight she's with me, bro. unless you're looking for trouble.", "y": "listen, little buddy, i understand it's prom and the adrenaline's pumping, but..."}, {"x": "no, not tonight. i've waited too long for this. i finally got a girl and i'm not going to let you take her away from me.", "y": "whoa, whoa. look, let's not get carried away."}, {"x": "nice to meet you, marshall. guess we're hallmates.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "it works.", "y": "violent femmes. i love this song."}, {"x": "i have to, it's my birthday present to ted.", "y": "you don't have to. please, it's going to be embarrassing and we're going to have to stop coming here, which will suck... in addition to probably being kind of healthy."}, {"x": "come on, marshall, it's the greatest pickup line of all time. barney.", "y": "oy, gevalt."}, {"x": "it works!", "y": "i cannot believe that she gave him her number."}, {"x": "i'm not done. she likes dogs, otis redding, does the crossword. she's into sports, but not so much so that her legs are, like, more muscular than mine. that weirds me out. and she plays bass guitar like kim deal from the pixies.", "y": "or kim gordon from sonic youth."}, {"x": "exactly. so i'm just going to wait for her to come to me. i am done trying to plan the unplannable.", "y": "so, what, you think fate's just going to take care of it?"}, {"x": "he's still sound asleep.", "y": "awesome. so awesome. god! best girl ever. screw these pancakes, i should cover you in syrup and gobble you up."}, {"x": "please don't do that. hey, is this milk any good?", "y": "oh, yeah, that totally got me yesterday."}, {"x": "i'm going shopping after work. i'll pick up some milk.", "y": "oh...! these pancakes are delightful."}, {"x": "what's wrong, baby?", "y": "this is the high point of my day."}, {"x": "binoculars. second pair on my desk.", "y": "i don't have time to be creepy, dude. i have a lot of work to do."}, {"x": "just take a look, will ya? okay, corner office. top floor. check out that guy. name's clark butterfield. he works over at nicholson, hewitt and west and every morning, he orders a sandwich from the deli downstairs.", "y": "so?"}, {"x": "so guess what i did to that sandwich? here, i took a picture.", "y": "oh! sweet lord."}, {"x": "and now i'm e-mailing said picture to him.", "y": "ooh! duck! that is sick! why would you do that?"}, {"x": "who knows? this feud goes so far back i can't remember who fired the first sh*t.", "y": "you?"}, {"x": "totally. well, look, if you would just... help me fill out these forms, that would be great.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "butterfield is going to retaliate within the next four hours. that's been his pattern. this is w*r, eriksen. i need you to clear your schedule, call lily, tell her you'll be home late.", "y": "this is stupid."}, {"x": "stu... come on, man, i didn't recruit you to work here for your lawyering skills. i recruited you to be my executive mischief consultant.", "y": "this is a job for me, barney. it's a way to make some extra wedding money, and that's it. now i'm sorry, but i have work to do."}, {"x": "mr. eriksen, mr. stinson is no longer...", "y": "i get it. thank you, tracy."}, {"x": "all right, fine. set it up.", "y": "you wanted to see me, so i guess that means we're talking again?"}, {"x": "will you taste this latte for me? i think they gave me decaf.", "y": "tastes normal to me."}, {"x": "that's what i thought, too. then i got this e-mail from butterfield.", "y": "oh, god!"}, {"x": "it got me as well.", "y": "well, then why did you have me drink it?!"}, {"x": "because now... you're in.", "y": "okay. don't think i'm overlooking the obvious fact that i should just be mad at you. but executive mischief consultant marshall eriksen reporting for duty. let's make that bastard pay. you think that we should brush our teeth first?"}, {"x": "i wish i could help, buddy, but i'm stuck here at work. we're kind of swamped.", "y": "is that ted?"}, {"x": "yeah. he's stuck in duchess county.", "y": "don't you have a big date tonight?"}, {"x": "uh... marshall. hi. yes. yes, i do.", "y": "so what are you doing in duchess county?"}, {"x": "can't a brother go apple picking without getting the third degree? damn!", "y": "okay, well, hang on. i'm coming to get you."}, {"x": "no!", "y": "relax, man. i'll take the fiero."}, {"x": "no, no, no. just... forget it. ha, ha! a little prank. i'm not in duchess county.", "y": "so that's the prank? that you're not in duchess county?"}, {"x": "hey, check out this one. it actually looks like butterfield.", "y": "you know, over at the nrdc, it's a bunch of really committed people who take their job of saving the earth very, very seriously. which is great, and everything, but i can't imagine having this much fun over there."}, {"x": "you thinking about coming to work here full-time?", "y": "maybe. don't tell lily, okay?"}, {"x": "of course we are. were you going to think of that?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "that would have been bad.", "y": "horrible."}, {"x": "go.", "y": "tomorrow morning, barney's going to send out the package, and butterfield's going to be knee-deep in angry white mice. oh, hey, dude."}, {"x": "no. nope, i'm good. i don't need any milk.", "y": "look, guys, i know milk is important-- it's got vitamin a, vitamin d, it's a great way to start the morning-- but ted just had a huge date. how'd it go, dude?"}, {"x": "i didn't go.", "y": "what? why?"}, {"x": "i changed my mind. i don't want to meet her.", "y": "why? she sounds perfect."}, {"x": "i don't want perfect. i want robin.", "y": "oh, god, not this again. ted, it's a mistake."}, {"x": "maybe. but it's a mistake i have to make.", "y": "wrong. it's a mistake you don't have to make. look at the evidence. you and robin have tried this again and again..."}, {"x": "but don't you think the universe has more important things to worry about than my dating life?", "y": "unless your dating life is the glue holding the entire universe together... whoa. chills. anybody else get chills?"}, {"x": "shame, though. it was a pretty hot show tonight. the rhythmic give and take of our improvised banter there at the end really got my freak juice flowing.", "y": "dude, he's right. how many times do you have to watch this crash and burn before you say, \"enough\"?"}, {"x": "remember the first night robin and i went out? i stole a blue french horn for her and it almost worked.", "y": "yeah. dude, that was awesome, but how are you ever going to top that?"}, {"x": "uh, robin, i-i gotta go. just knock, okay?", "y": "summer fellowship?"}, {"x": "then i guess it's not meant to be.", "y": "look at the bright side. at least you got some closure. she's made her choice and you can finally move on."}, {"x": "screw that. this ain't over.", "y": "ted, you sat here in this very booth and you said..."}, {"x": "unpause?", "y": "unpause."}, {"x": "i was never going to take it.", "y": "in california?"}, {"x": "so you're saying you would forbid me from going?", "y": "forbid? who said forbid? i was just reminding you that there's this wedding coming up in a couple of months, and i was kind of hoping you'd save the day. look for me... i'll be the guy in the awesome suit. come on, lily. it's what you've always wanted."}, {"x": "yeah, but there's a lot of things i've always wanted, and i haven't done any of them. i'm sorry. i just need to do this before settling down forever.", "y": "so now we've gone from \"i was never gonna do it\" to \"i need to do this\"? did i leave the room at some point? when did that happen?"}, {"x": "oh, maybe when you said you wouldn't let me do it.", "y": "i never said that! you know, if you're having these kind of doubts now, what's gonna change in three months? maybe we just shouldn't get married at all."}, {"x": "maybe not.", "y": "pause."}, {"x": "so, are you just, like, starving?", "y": "totally. red lobster?"}, {"x": "oh, lobster, lobster, lobster, you are delicious!", "y": "oh, god, i love butter sauce! there's nothing bad about it. say something bad about butter sauce, i dare you."}, {"x": "what do you mean \"we,\" white man?", "y": "how did we get here? couple of days ago, the biggest problem in my life was, did ted eat the last pudding snack pack in the fridge."}, {"x": "i think there's still one left.", "y": "dibs."}, {"x": "unpause?", "y": "unpause."}, {"x": "look... i know this sucks. it's just something i'm going through. i'm not asking you to understand it. i'm not asking you to be happy about it. i'm just asking you to support it.", "y": "i want to, lily, okay? i really do. but i just can't."}, {"x": "why not?", "y": "because you're scaring the hell out of me, that's why not. what if you decide to go be a painter and then you realize i don't fit in to your life anymore, and three months becomes forever? can you promise me that that's not gonna happen?"}, {"x": "marshall...", "y": "'cause if you can't promise me that, we shoul just break up right now. i'm not gonna wait around for three months just to have my heart ripped out."}, {"x": "marshall, i love you.", "y": "can you promise me that that's not gonna happen?"}, {"x": "pause.", "y": "no, lily, we cannot pause this anymore. can you promise me that that's not gonna happen?!"}, {"x": "pause!", "y": "why do you want me to pause?! that's just a great use of the pause function, baby."}, {"x": "no. the summer of 2006 was both wonderful and awful. for me, it started out great. in fact, day one was amazing. i'd finally gotten together with robin. but while i'd been off having one of the best nights of my life, your uncle marshall had been having one of the worst nights of his.", "y": "so that's it? we're breaking up?"}, {"x": "marshall, i'm sorry. i just... i just need to go to san francisco and do this art program and figure out who i am outside of us. and the only way that i can do that is if we don't talk for a while.", "y": "for a while? try never, ok? you walk out that door and we're done. you're never gonna hear my voice again."}, {"x": "no! no! if you call her, when she asked you not to, you're just gonna look weak and you're gonna regret it. now, listen. whenever you feel like calling her, you come find me first... and i will punch you in the face.", "y": "you're a good friend ted."}, {"x": "oh my god! i... i'm so sorry. what happened?", "y": "well, she left. and i don't even know if she's coming back."}, {"x": "i didn't get your message until i woke up. bro, i am so sorry.", "y": "thanks."}, {"x": "i know it must be tough. but are you ready to hear something that will not only make you feel better but will actively excite you?", "y": "sure."}, {"x": "hey marshall.", "y": "hey ted."}, {"x": "are you hungry?", "y": "what's the point? i could it some food, it's just gonna leave me."}, {"x": "at least in that scenario, you get to do the dumping. come on, it's sunday, it's pancakes day!", "y": "lily always made the pancakes. god, i loved her pancakes. so soft. so warmed. so perfectly shaped."}, {"x": "are we still talking about her pancakes? come on, you gotta eat something. what can i get you?", "y": "beer."}, {"x": "no, that's what you had for dinner.", "y": "fine. than i'll just have the leftover"}, {"x": "teddy bear...", "y": "so, i find her shampoo. i guess she left it here. it smells like her. like lavender and seashells. hope. somehow erotic and comforting all at the same time."}, {"x": "that's my shampoo.", "y": "oh. sorry."}, {"x": "i don't hear anyth...ted he's calling her! argh!", "y": "oh! ok, you're right. i won't call her. i will not call her."}, {"x": "does he know i'm in here?", "y": "yeah. hey robin. anyway, one of the lily adrins..."}, {"x": "gentlemen, please welcome to the stage sunshine!", "y": "barney, i really don't think this is gonna help."}, {"x": "do you know why you're not over lily yet? it's 'cause you can still picture her naked. you can't get over a woman until you can no longer picture her boobs. it's a scientific fact. the average male brain can only store a finite number of boob images, or bpegs and your hard drive's filled to capacity with lily's.", "y": "there are a lot of them."}, {"x": "yeah, this is fun, right? we're outside, it's a beautiful day. the indians are winning!", "y": "i gotta admit, it is really nice to be outside."}, {"x": "oh, no.", "y": "it's all a big lie! she's just gonna break your heart! you can drag me outta here, but she has no soul!"}, {"x": "yeah, that's the stuff.", "y": "oh my god! how long have you been doing this?"}, {"x": "my dad taught me to sh**t when i was a kid. now, whenever i'm feeling lonely or depressed, i come here and it reminds me that... g*ns are fun!", "y": "um, you know, ted is kinda against g*ns.robin that's why ted never gonna find out about this. whoa! that sort of got scary with me holding a g*n, didn't it? no, i just mean, please don't tell ted. you wanna try?"}, {"x": "wow, it must be a nice house. i saw pictures of your uncle. this is so great. we'll finally get some time alone. are you sure marshall is gonna be ok with this?", "y": "yeah sure. absolutely. dude, i'm doing much better. in fact, take my car."}, {"x": "really? hey, thanks. and hey, if you need anything, day or night, just call me. you know what? please don't call me. what? what's wrong?", "y": "it's lily's credit card bill. she must have forgotten to switch her address."}, {"x": "so?", "y": "i wonder what kind of charges she's making out there."}, {"x": "no, no. no good can come from looking at this. you've made too much progress already.", "y": "i know, but i just..."}, {"x": "yeah. why are you afraid of ferrets, they are adorable.", "y": "because, robin, they are like fuzzy tube-shaped rats."}, {"x": "he needs her password. its not like he has her password. ooh, he has her password. this is... he has her password.", "y": "there is a charge from earlier today. the kellet hotel, on fifth. i don't believe this. lily is back in new-york. i can't believe this. lily's in new-york? i guess i'd been thinking when she got back she's call me. that's the only reason i've been able to hold it together so far this summer."}, {"x": "this has been holding in together?", "y": "ok, you know what? i'm calling her."}, {"x": "marshall! marshall!", "y": "ted, i know i shouldn't do this but i have to!"}, {"x": "everything we've worked so hard for...!", "y": "hello, lily aldrin's room please. thank you."}, {"x": "hang up now!", "y": "ted, i can't hang up now."}, {"x": "hang up now! hang up now! hang up now! hang up!", "y": "hello?! a guy answered. there is... there is a guy in her room. i'm going down there."}, {"x": "dude, you can't...", "y": "i have to go down there and i have to tell her i love her. i have to beg to take me back even if i have to tell on my knees."}, {"x": "marshall, you can't do that!", "y": "really? why not?"}, {"x": "hi. uh, could you tell me what room lily aldrin's in? thanks. marshall!", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "what happened?", "y": "well, i went up to lily's floor..."}, {"x": "you knocked out lily's new boyfriend?", "y": "yeah. it wasn't lily's boyfriend."}, {"x": "i'll walk you out.", "y": "see ya."}, {"x": "you just checked out robin's ass.", "y": "what? no. i... barney, i was..."}, {"x": "dude, that's awesome! you're finally forgetting about that short redhead.", "y": "lily."}, {"x": "yes, lily, thank you. that was gonna drive me crazy all night. hey, ted! marshall's just checked out your girlfriend's ass.", "y": "i did not ted..."}, {"x": "yes!", "y": "oh, god!"}, {"x": "marshall, being a single guy in new york city is like... pfff... what does everybody like?", "y": "candy."}, {"x": "nice! marshall, we're doing this. i am not taking no for an answer.", "y": "fine."}, {"x": "hey robin. marshall checked out your ass.", "y": "ted, what is wrong with you?"}, {"x": "hi.", "y": "hi. look how sweaty my hands are! it's weird, right? uh, sweat. like this... smelly water coming out of your skin. it was nice meeting you."}, {"x": "dude, you were awesome last night. you were charming, you were funny. you were totally working that girl.", "y": "you went home with her!"}, {"x": "yes, i did. but she told me that if it wasn't for me you would've had a sh*t with her. so in hypothetical terms, you scored last night! all right! hypothetical high five! nice! tonight, we're gonna go to the bar...", "y": "barney, no, i'm not going out with you ever again."}, {"x": "come on! i'll teach you all my strategies!", "y": "oh, really?"}, {"x": "my favorite, number seven. create a mystery about yourself. that way, they become so intrigued that they have to hang out with you all night.", "y": "oh, come on. does that really work?"}, {"x": "maybe it does and maybe it doesn't.", "y": "dammit that's intriguing! ok, i'm in."}, {"x": "she's unbelievable! unbelievable!", "y": "unbelievable? what's unbelievable?"}, {"x": "ted found a penny on the subway and it's old and that's interesting.", "y": "way to go."}, {"x": "let's review barney's rules for mating without dating. lesson two corollary five.", "y": "make a beautiful woman feel self-conscious and unattractive and she'll be putty in your hands."}, {"x": "excellent. have you chosen your entr\u00e9e?", "y": "i have. a sweet brunette, eight o'clock. nine o'clock. ten; thirty. she's walking to the bar."}, {"x": "her? really? no, you're right. ambition is the enemy of success. ok, hit it.", "y": "hey four-eyes. you got astigmatism or something? i'm sorry, i was trying to be playful but i just got out of a lonf relationship. i have no idea what i'm doing! i'm marshall."}, {"x": "nice recovery. i think it's working.", "y": "um, amy, this is my friend barney. barney, this is amy."}, {"x": "hi. amy, do you like... magic?", "y": "i hate you."}, {"x": "i am so sorry. it's a sickness. i'm the real victim here.", "y": "twice! twice in a row you took my candy! that was my candy!"}, {"x": "i know but tonight...", "y": "no, forget it. you're such a jackass!"}, {"x": "i though you were gonna call me a jerk. all right, i'm sorry. but i will make it up to you. tonight, we'll go to a college bar near nyu. the scorpion & the toad. i figure in a younger crowd you'll seem more mature, more worldly. and, as a third-year law student, more smarter.", "y": "ok, but no magic.. how did you do that?"}, {"x": "marshall eriksen, suit up!", "y": "no way."}, {"x": "yeah you're good in that. let's go.", "y": "wait. empty your pockets. come on."}, {"x": "come on...", "y": "sleeves."}, {"x": "there is nothing in my sl...", "y": "oh is that right?"}, {"x": "huh? huh? let's go.", "y": "behind my ear."}, {"x": "oh there is nothing behind your... ohh!", "y": "ohh!"}, {"x": "yeah, i'm in pre-law. the workload's k*lling me though.", "y": "oh, tell me about it. i'm a third year at columbia law, so... if the workload does k*ll you i can probably get a conviction. yeah."}, {"x": "listen, i gotta go. but it'd be great to see you again.", "y": "yes, it would. it really would."}, {"x": "maybe i'll see you here sometimes.", "y": "probably not. i'm never here, so..."}, {"x": "you know, i do have a phone number.", "y": "great. nice."}, {"x": "hi, i'm barney.", "y": "oh, no."}, {"x": "sure.", "y": "whoo! i did it! i got a girl's phone number! oh, and her handwriting is so cute. look. i'll take her out for chinese food and then we'll walk through the park. it'll be so... what?"}, {"x": "sorry buddy, i'm taking this one too.", "y": "i'll k*ll you!"}, {"x": "stop it!", "y": "you don't want to see me when i'm angry!"}, {"x": "stop! if we can't settle this like gentlemen, then no one gets the number..", "y": "stop the cab!"}, {"x": "hi marshall.", "y": "no, go away, i don't want to talk to you."}, {"x": "ok. i know what i did a couple nights back was is in a moral grey area. but the great news is she loved you. if things had gone your way, you'd gone out a couple time, i think she definitely would've had sex with you.", "y": "there is no \"would\" in sex. there totally is. i'm just no good at this barney! i'm good at being in a couple. i'm good at being lily's boyfriend. being single, forget it."}, {"x": "you can't give up now. what if i told you that you could relive that night with the exact same conversations, the exact same jokes, only this time you get her and i don't.", "y": "that's not possible."}, {"x": "oh, but it is. she has... wait for it. here it comes. almost there...an identical twin. yes!", "y": "a twin isn't the same person."}, {"x": "of course, it is. what do you think \"identical\" means? \"ident-\" - same. \"-ical\" - person. same person. hey, we could double date.", "y": "fine."}, {"x": "ah!", "y": "but you have to promise me you're not gonna steal my new twin and leave me with your old, used-up twin."}, {"x": "how are you doing?", "y": "great. amazing. this is so much fun. me and the girl are really cliking."}, {"x": "you are. you definitely are. listen, you're gonna have to leave now. i just talked with the twins and, get this, i'm going home with both of them! yeah. that's happening.", "y": "it is impossible that you're doing this to me again."}, {"x": "but they're twins.", "y": "you said to me that being single would be like being in a candy store."}, {"x": "well, it's not like a candy store. it's a lawless, post-apocalyptic wasteland. i may be your best friend...", "y": "ted's my best friend."}, {"x": "i wish your face would melt off.", "y": "i wish your eyeballs would explode."}, {"x": "i hate you.", "y": "i hate you more."}, {"x": "oh, lily! hi, marshall.", "y": "good to see you."}, {"x": "yes, we were so sorry to hear about your... you know, the, the... well...", "y": "lily calling off the wedding and dumping me?"}, {"x": "i love your hair.", "y": "actually, we're cool. we just divided up cds. it was all very civil. i'm proud of us. wwe're, we're good."}, {"x": "um...", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "well, i-i don't want to go if it would make you uncomfortable.", "y": "why would it?"}, {"x": "well, i mean, yeah, we're... we're good, but you got to admit there's that stuff between us.", "y": "um, not for me. now it's just like we're friends. it's like we're brother and sister."}, {"x": "oh, i, i hurt my ankle in yoga today. the instructor told me to just take deep breaths to get through the pain, just... are you all right? you're kind of sweating.", "y": "no, i'm fine. it's just... this roll is really spicy."}, {"x": "dude, you can't whip that out at brunch.", "y": "no, not that. i'm going to unleash my calves."}, {"x": "that's crazy. nobody's turned on by men's calves. they're a thoroughly unerotic body part.", "y": "well, yeah, i'd say that, too, if i had those skinny little chicken legs."}, {"x": "i'll be waiting by the phone for your apology.", "y": "hello."}, {"x": "hey. how are you feeling? you looked kind of feverish last night.", "y": "oh, no, i actually feel great. it is kind of warm in here, though, isn't it?"}, {"x": "oh, i don't know, if anything, it's kind of... what are you doing?", "y": "oh, nothing. nothing at all. i'm just making myself feel a little bit more... comfortable. oh. oh, yes. i've been doing all these toe lifts lately, and so... my calves have really been cramping up."}, {"x": "i really wasn't expecting that to happen.", "y": "yeah, me neither. it kind of complicates things, doesn't it?"}, {"x": "yeah, it does. why did you have to throw your magnificent calves at me? you know you have a punter's leg.", "y": "well, why did you have to throw your beautiful boobs at me? you know you have... boobs."}, {"x": "just admit it, you came here trying to seduce me.", "y": "seduce you? you seduced me."}, {"x": "you sat down next to me and took most of your pants off.", "y": "you went to san francisco for three months."}, {"x": "how is that seducing you?", "y": "well, it's not but i'm still mad about it."}, {"x": "all right, that's it - i want the beatles anthology.", "y": "oh, well, that's too bad. i'm keeping it! and you know the u2 box set i gave you? look inside - all dave matthews."}, {"x": "whoops. i think i dropped an ice cube down here. ow, it's so cold.", "y": "all right, that's it, i'm out of here. in a minute."}, {"x": "thanks again for letting me have the u2 box set.", "y": "i know how important it is to you."}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "well, all skyscrapers kind of look like a..."}, {"x": "marshall, it's a 78-story pink marble tower with a rounded top and two spherical entryways at the front.", "y": "wow, so it's the whole package."}, {"x": "yeah, you did.", "y": "had to."}, {"x": "oh, dude, if they're selling condos, you got to get me in. and don't give me the shaft.", "y": "yeah, you did."}, {"x": "it's a travesty. it's gonna define the skyline of the city. if it was me, i could've designed something amazing. instead, i'm spending 12 hours a day designing the cornices.", "y": "yeah, you did."}, {"x": "can we talk about something else?", "y": "you know what, dude? forget about robin, okay? you're hanging with us tonight. i've got an awome party lined up."}, {"x": "oh, god! this gonna be another one of your weird all-guy parties?", "y": "that was a poker game. what is wrong with you? no, it's the first law school party of the year and it's gonna be awesome. i haven't seen this guys since, like, last year before lily and i broke up. so i'm gonna have to break the news to everybody. it's really gonna bum them out. this party's gonna suck."}, {"x": "i wish i could join you guys, but i got to get back to my apparently boring job.", "y": "your job's not boring."}, {"x": "that's 'cause you're always like... \"ted mosby, architect\". if it were me, i'd be like... \"ted mosby, architect\". anything sounds impressive when it's said with the right attitude.", "y": "marshall ericksen. recently dumped and heading to a lame party. whoa. whoa, ladies, please take it easy. there's enough of me for everyone. oh. hi. hello. all right. we're gonna take off.."}, {"x": "hey, marshall, where's lily?", "y": "i didn't want to ruin the party for everybody this early, but, uh... everyone take a seat. um... lily actually called off the wedding this summer to go to san francisco. so... we're broken up."}, {"x": "her name wasn't on your lease, was it? 'cause if not, new york state law, you're not obligated to give her half the deposit when you move.", "y": "yeah, that's not really the part i was worried about, guys."}, {"x": "and don't forget the precedent set by smith v. rosenblatt, '74. any personal effects she left in your house or dwelling become yours after 30 days.", "y": "guys, can we cease and desist with the lawyer speak for a minute? love d*ed. the love that made you all believe in love, that's dead now."}, {"x": "you should sue her.", "y": "uh, really? on what ground, kara?"}, {"x": "hey, marshall. you up for some super loud, repetitive music that hasn't changed since the mid-90s?", "y": "um... only always."}, {"x": "he's not answering. calling marshall.", "y": "hello."}, {"x": "marshall, hi, it's robin. can i talk to ted?", "y": "oh, robin, hi. um, no, ted's not here tonight. he's, uh... he's working."}, {"x": "nice. giddy up!", "y": "dude, dude, what are you doing?"}, {"x": "galloping.", "y": "you proved it, all right? the whole \"ted mosby, architect\" things works."}, {"x": "architects rule! whoo-hee!", "y": "aren't you a little worried that a certain somebody might find out that you're doing this? this isn't you, ted."}, {"x": "giddy-up, giddy-up, giddy-up!", "y": "dude, dude, what are you doing?"}, {"x": "galloping.", "y": "all right, you proved it. the whole \"ted mosby, architect\" thing works."}, {"x": "architects rule! whoo-hoo.", "y": "aren't you afraid a certain somebody might find out about this? i mean, this isn't you, ted."}, {"x": "hmm, normally a prerequisite for the women i bring home, but... pass.", "y": "one of you guys is very, very lucky because i have... a boom! an extra ticket to the alanis morissette concert. who's in?"}, {"x": "no.", "y": "damn! i got these tickets like months ago for me and lily and now i can't find anyone to go with me. this is what i miss about being in a couple. i always had someone to go to concerts with, or farmer's market, or brunch. god, i miss brunch!"}, {"x": "well, i guess you could - well, you could try going to brunch alone.", "y": "oh, you don't think i've tried?"}, {"x": "one... couple?", "y": "um, no, just me."}, {"x": "really? for brunch?", "y": "you're right. who am i kidding?"}, {"x": "of course, sweetie.", "y": "can i go with you guys?"}, {"x": "really? for brunch?", "y": "god, i hate being single!"}, {"x": "hey, where have you been?", "y": "the alanis morissette concert."}, {"x": "by yourself?", "y": "no,actually i went with a friend from law school."}, {"x": "oh,really? who's this friend?", "y": "brad."}, {"x": "bro, alanis morissette rocks!", "y": "totally! i can't believe i almost didn't come tonight."}, {"x": "let me guess you bought the tickets for you and lily right before she dumped you.", "y": "yeah, how'd you know?"}, {"x": "i just got dumped myself.", "y": "what? kara broke up with you? i'm sorry,man. that sucks. brad,do you like brunch?"}, {"x": "you invited him to brunch?", "y": "yeah, i invited him to brunch. why? is that weird?"}, {"x": "yes. that's why i was all \"you invited him to brunch?\"", "y": "why can't two guys who are friends go to brunch?"}, {"x": "girly.", "y": "girly? breakfast isn't girly. lunch isn't girly. what makes brunch girly?"}, {"x": "i don't know. there's nothing girly about a horse, nothing girly about a horn, but put them together and you get a unicorn.", "y": "i don't care what either of you say, i am going to the popover pantry with brad. we're here. we're hungry. get used to it, brunch."}, {"x": "no,that's just awesome. so you see, whenever a girl wakes up here, i never have to tell her to go build her nest somewhere else. my apartment does it for me.", "y": "god, i love brunch."}, {"x": "oh, damn... the zucchini bread is ridonculous.", "y": "this isn't weird, right?"}, {"x": "i sort of thought it might be, but it totally isn't. oh and btw, you totally did not oversell the eggs benny.", "y": "right? right?"}, {"x": "i mean, why can't two single bros go out and rock brunch sunday morning-style?", "y": "exactly. thank you, that's exactly what i've been saying."}, {"x": "this must be destiny.", "y": "what are you talking about?"}, {"x": "i have two tickets for mamma mia! friday night. you like abba, right? what am i saying?who doesn't? anyway, i was gonna take kara, but now it's all you and me. we're gonna do broadway, bro style. what do you say?", "y": "yeah!"}, {"x": "mamma mia!?", "y": "mamma mia!. you know what? it's supposed to be a great musical, okay? it won all sorts of tonies and stuff."}, {"x": "ooh, third date. you know what that means.", "y": "it is not a date,okay. it's just two bros taking in a broadway show."}, {"x": "you bros going to get dinner beforehand?", "y": "we might grab a steak, yeah."}, {"x": "where at?", "y": "caf\u00e9 l'amour. brad says the food is really good there, okay?"}, {"x": "sounds like brad's got quite the night planned out. you better bring your \"a\" game. that means no granny panties.", "y": "all right, you know what? you two are just threatened because i'm a single guy moving in on your couples' stuff. well, guess what? it's my territory now. i'm peeing all over brunches, fancy dinners and musicals. that's right. brad and i are taking back broadway."}, {"x": "what are you going to wear?", "y": "i was thinking like this collared shirt and these pin... oh, you know what? shut up."}, {"x": "hey,you're home. i didn't think we'd be seeing you until tomorrow morning.", "y": "ha,ha,ha,ha. it wasn't a date. okay, it was a date and it got way weird."}, {"x": "no, i insist. you're my guest.", "y": "thanks, brad."}, {"x": "well, it could have been worse. it could have fallen in your lap.", "y": "it gets worse."}, {"x": "so anyway,ah,it's this saturday. do you want to come?", "y": "you want me to go to a wedding with you?"}, {"x": "just keep brad away from the bouquet.", "y": "it gets worse."}, {"x": "it gets better.the foliage in vermont this time of year is ridonc.", "y": "vermont?"}, {"x": "you said no, right?", "y": "of course."}, {"x": "i understand. it's cool. it's the first time i was going to see my college friends since kara left me. i just... i just miss her so much.", "y": "i'll go to vermont with you."}, {"x": "i'm sorry. it's not funny anymore.", "y": "damn you,brunch! this guy's crazy, right?"}, {"x": "and now you have to do what every dysfunctional couple has to do break up.", "y": "you're right. you're right. i promised brad i would go to the wedding with him,and then that is it."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "here she comes. here she comes."}, {"x": "although, you might want to bring out the big hawaiian drum because i'm pretty sure today's my birthday.", "y": "i've never need the beer more than i do right now."}, {"x": "i thought you said your semester was gonna be a piece of cake. i remember because you were eating a piece of cake at the time and you said, \"dude, my semester is gonna be this.\"", "y": "yeah, well, it was supposed to be, but my professor's like the toughest grader i've ever seen. she had like a bad divorce this summer and now she's taking it out on us. to tell you the truth, i think she just needs to get laid."}, {"x": "really? laid, you say?", "y": "you wouldn't be into her.she's, like, in her late 40s."}, {"x": "she hot?", "y": "yeah, i guess she's kind of hot, yeah."}, {"x": "marshall, i've thought it over and i accept your challenge.", "y": "i didn't challenge you to have sex with..."}, {"x": "so, i quit my job. i just couldn't take it anymore. approximately 50 times a day, some guy asks me for a lei...", "y": "classic."}, {"x": "yeah. somebody did just quit.", "y": "dude, that is cold-blooded."}, {"x": "man, that guy is a total, well...", "y": "okay, wait, wait, wait. that's professor lewis's office there."}, {"x": "okay, let's take a look. oh, yeah, it's a cougar all right. a prime specimen. see, you can identify a cougar by a few key characteristics. start with the hair. the cougar keeps up with current hairstyles as a form of camouflage. the prey may not realize that he's engaged a cougar until he's already being dragged, helpless, back to her lair. now, the blouse. the cougar displays maximum cleavage possible to captivate her prey. if you're watching them bounce, she's about to pounce. see the claws? long and sharp, to ward off rival females... or open alimony checks. yeah, this one's a beaut. okay, let the hunt begin.", "y": "wait, wait, wait.i'm not so sure i'm comfortable with you hunting my constitutional law professor."}, {"x": "who do you rather have grading your papers a savage, man-eating jungle cat, or a purring, satisfied kitty?", "y": "go, barney. go mount and stuff that cougar."}, {"x": "i'm not sure i like your tone. you know what? now you just lost the ball.", "y": "i'd ask you how last night went, but we had a pop quiz today. nobody got higher than a c-minus."}, {"x": "i know, i know.", "y": "you claim to have so much sex. i only assumed you'd be good at it."}, {"x": "look, i miscalculated. i thought she'd be old and fragile, like most cougars. but kitty's got claws. don't worry though. tonight, i'm seeing her again.", "y": "just let it go, man. you're making things worse."}, {"x": "fine. here's the ball. at least you have one now.", "y": "dude, you're k*lling me. you didn't tame the cougar. you just made her angrier."}, {"x": "do you not see the powerbar in my hand? i'm fueling up.", "y": "so you're going back over there?"}, {"x": "so, i guess that decides it.", "y": "yup."}, {"x": "man, what's that?", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "somebody thinks you're me.", "y": "do you really think she likes me? i mean, i guess it's not that surprising. every time i come in here, i totally cr*ck her up."}, {"x": "marshall, here's your pumpkin latte.", "y": "wow. how did you fit a pumpkin in this little cup?"}, {"x": "i'll have a pumpkin latte.", "y": "how do they even fit a pumpkin in those little cups? what? you got a shrink ray back there? yeah."}, {"x": "which time?", "y": "the first time."}, {"x": "yeah. that was really funny.", "y": "right?"}, {"x": "all right, there's only two reasons she'd laugh at that. one, it's the first joke she's ever heard, or two, she likes you. you should totally ask her out.", "y": "you think?"}, {"x": "yeah, that's why you're not back with lily, right? so you can experience what it's like to be single.", "y": "well, what if the heart doesn't mean anything? what if she writes it on all the cups?"}, {"x": "man! what's up with swarley?", "y": "i know. you almost never see old swarlz get that upset."}, {"x": "so, what she say?", "y": "nothing. i don't think she heard me. it's pretty busy up there."}, {"x": "what? you gave her the look right? head down, eyes looking up, hands in pockets, shoulders up, head slightly tilted, conveying shy vulnerability.", "y": "i think so. look, can we just go?"}, {"x": "pumpkin latte for marshall.", "y": "i didn't order that. phone number."}, {"x": "important call for swarley!", "y": "geez, can't you hear him, swarley? there's a call for you."}, {"x": "stop calling me that.", "y": "uh... hey, i'd like you guys to officially meet chloe."}, {"x": "hi. it's nice to meet you guys. i'll be right back.", "y": "it's right back there. right? right? she's hot! and she likes me? she likes italian food. i also like italian food. she likes billy joel. i also like... music. and i think we're going to go out again."}, {"x": "obviously.", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "dude. the eyes. they're crazy.", "y": "what are you guys talking about, the crazy eyes?"}, {"x": "it's an indicator of future mental instability.", "y": "she does not have the crazy eyes."}, {"x": "she was too far away in the coffee place, but when i saw her up close just now...", "y": "hey, i'd like you guys to officially meet chloe."}, {"x": "hi. it's nice to meet you guys.", "y": "guys, i'm not going to stop dating chloe just because you think she has the crazy eyes."}, {"x": "watch! where! you're! going! so, where do you live?", "y": "hello?"}, {"x": "marshall, it's chloe.", "y": "are you the one who's called me like nine times?"}, {"x": "yeah. could you come get me?", "y": "i'm in the middle of taking a test."}, {"x": "please. i'm so scared.", "y": "well, what's going on?"}, {"x": "this weird midget guy started following me  and he was screaming at me and he had a limp and a big hump on his back and the police didn't believe me and i almost got trampled by a horse and... god i must sound totally crazy to you right now.", "y": "no. pfft. not at all."}, {"x": "i've had one of those. makes up stories to get attention. went out with her for three weeks, her dad d*ed twice.", "y": "guys, she was really freaked out, okay? maybe the story is true."}, {"x": "what in the world would make you believe that's a true story?", "y": "she's really hot."}, {"x": "so, do just you and ted live here or does swarley live here, too?", "y": "nah. swarley has his own place. what was that?"}, {"x": "oh, i, uh, dropped my keys.", "y": "so, here you go. two pumpkin beers. i was joking. they're regular beers. what is that? this picture is broken."}, {"x": "oh. that's too bad. is that lily? is that the girl you were going to marry?", "y": "yeah. is that what that sound was? did you just smash this?"}, {"x": "no. why would i do that?", "y": "let me look into your eyes."}, {"x": "okay. i had a really nice time tonight.", "y": "yeah, me, too. stop blinking."}, {"x": "...anymore. pretty impressive, huh?", "y": "wow, you really did memorize all the lyrics to \"we didn't start the fire.\" can i, uh, can i get you a drink?"}, {"x": "i'd love a beer.", "y": "you got it."}, {"x": "i had a really nice time tonight.", "y": "yeah, me, too. stop blinking."}, {"x": "stooooop! hi. i'm lily.", "y": "lily... lily, what the hell are you doing?"}, {"x": "she seems nice.", "y": "lily, what the hell..."}, {"x": "i'm sorry. i only snuck up there because... when i saw how cute she was yesterday, i freaked out.", "y": "lily, you saw her yesterday?"}, {"x": "yeah, i... kind of chased her down the street.", "y": "wait, so you were the hunchback with the limp?"}, {"x": "yeah. and she didn't break the picture, i did.", "y": "so chloe's not crazy, she's... just a nice, normal girl."}, {"x": "yeah, she is. and you deserve a nice, normal girl. so, why don't you just go back up there and finish your date.", "y": "yeah. okay. wait, if you were the hunchback, then why did she think you were a guy?"}, {"x": "i-i might have used a voice that sounded like this.", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "because i didn't want her to know it was me, which i now realize doesn't make sense, because she hadn't even met me.", "y": "you're crazy. you have... crazier eyes than anybody that i have ever met."}, {"x": "shouldn't you be going back up...", "y": "i mean, you're out of your mind. you're... just absolutely insane."}, {"x": "shouldn't you be going back upstairs?", "y": "i've missed you so much."}, {"x": "oh, my god.", "y": "hey, chloe, i... guess i forgot i left you up here."}, {"x": "i was gonna leave, but i can't find my keys.", "y": "they're right there on the coffee table."}, {"x": "oh, my god. these pancakes are delicious!", "y": "yes! thank you. uhm, i learned how to cook while you were gone this summer."}, {"x": "oh. do you want to cook dinner tonight?", "y": "yeah, sure. how about pancakes?"}, {"x": "you may not have much range, but at least i'm marrying a guy who knows how to make pancakes.", "y": "oh, uhm..."}, {"x": "i mean, uhm... well, i... i realize that we haven't really discussed whether us getting back together means us getting married, but... i still wanna. do you still wanna?", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "of course, i love you.", "y": "no, i mean, that's how you're gonna do it? \"do you still wanna?\" that's like the lamest proposal ever. when i did it, i got down on my knees... i don't know, i'm just saying."}, {"x": "marshall eriksen, will you ma...", "y": "no, no, no, no, no, no."}, {"x": "what?!", "y": "you can't lead with that. you got to... build up to that. you got to have, like, a little speech."}, {"x": "do you remember your proposal to me?", "y": "i had a speech prepared."}, {"x": "what do you want to hear?", "y": "i don't know. i mean, you could tell me, like, about how good-looking and funny and smart i am and i've been working out lately. it might be nice for you to mention something about that."}, {"x": "marshall... you are good-looking...", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "funny...", "y": "oh, thanks."}, {"x": "smart...", "y": "and a few tears wouldn't hurt."}, {"x": "okay, would you freakin' marry me already?", "y": "i'll marry you. of course. but, uhm, until you see a ring on this finger, don't expect me to put out."}, {"x": "yeah, right.", "y": "i'll give you this. that was a very creative use of syrup."}, {"x": "i can't even look mrs. butterworth in the eye. oh, my god. we're getting married!", "y": "i know, i know."}, {"x": "man, i made a big mess by canceling this wedding, didn't i?", "y": "it's okay, baby. you're not just realizing that now, are you?"}, {"x": "god, the idea of standing up there in front of all those people who hate my guts... just makes me want to run off to atlantic city and get married today.", "y": "yeah..."}, {"x": "coming up at 1100 are there piranhas in the east river? what you don't know... could eat you.", "y": "robin! stop the news!"}, {"x": "of course i do. let's go to atlantic city!", "y": "yeah!"}, {"x": "oh, but when we tell the story, can you leave out the part where i hesitate?", "y": "you got it."}, {"x": "oh, congratulations, lily. marshall, you're getting married? what the hell?", "y": "so are you in or not?"}, {"x": "hell, yeah, i'm in! just... i'm almost done.", "y": "no, we got to get going to the..."}, {"x": "wow. look at this place. i guess i'll have my pick of something old.", "y": "and something blue. somebody should really check on this lady."}, {"x": "the wedding chapel... this is it. are you ready to do this?", "y": "i'm ready. let's get married."}, {"x": "you guys want to go gamble?", "y": "no, we got to go get the veil."}, {"x": "or we looked everywhere, and we couldn't find one.", "y": "yeah, okay."}, {"x": "so this is it, right? the last 20 minutes of your single life. i'm proud of you, buddy.", "y": "thanks."}, {"x": "how are you feeling?", "y": "great, a little nervous."}, {"x": "yeah? craps?", "y": "not that nervous."}, {"x": "no, i mean do you want to play craps.", "y": "oh, yeah, definitely."}, {"x": "what did you just say?", "y": "barney, no."}, {"x": "marshall, i'm your best man.", "y": "you're not my best man."}, {"x": "and as your best man, i have to throw you a bachelor party. that's part of being a best friend.", "y": "you're not my best friend."}, {"x": "right here.", "y": "barney, i don't have any time for a bachelor party. i've got, like, 18 minutes."}, {"x": "of course.", "y": "and it took us exactly 18 minutes. we went to a strip club."}, {"x": "unbelievable!", "y": "we weren't there for very long. it's not like i had time to have a lap dance or anything. i got a lap dance."}, {"x": "your last lap dance ever.", "y": "right. what?"}, {"x": "hell, yeah, look at this.", "y": "oh, baby, this is it. let's do this thing."}, {"x": "congratulations. we offer a variety of packages to give you the special day you've always dreamed about.", "y": "we don't want any of that. just your basic quickie wedding will be fine."}, {"x": "there is half an orca whale rotting not 20 feet from the cabana.", "y": "you guys, take it easy, guys. are you sure about this?"}, {"x": "well, we're in love.", "y": "what better reason could there be?"}, {"x": "the last one i heard was, \"i'm going to iraq tomorrow to defend my country,\" but, you know, give yours a whirl.", "y": "god, this is taking forever."}, {"x": "a... chinese guy?", "y": "hi. hello. uh, we need a marriage license, but we need to skip the waiting period because... we're in love."}, {"x": "is what i would say if there was any chance of you seeing a judge today, which there isn't.", "y": "why are you doing this to us?!"}, {"x": "is what i would say...", "y": "you know what? we get it."}, {"x": "okay, this is a good plan b. judges are people. people go to the bathroom. a judge is bound to come by eventually, and we'll get married. i'm sure we won't be waiting long.", "y": "geez, you go to a vending machine for 30 seconds."}, {"x": "that little look. what was that?", "y": "a look of love."}, {"x": "you two have stood together through thick and thin, right?", "y": "you know, what's thick? what's thin?"}, {"x": "yeah, i mean, all... yeah.", "y": "i have."}, {"x": "uh, yeah. courthouse. oath. we're under it.", "y": "guys. it's looking like this isn't gonna happen."}, {"x": "no, marshall, we are gonna get married today.", "y": "baby, anyplace we go, we're gonna need a marriage license."}, {"x": "this is my machine.", "y": "i should go talk to her."}, {"x": "blackjack?", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "sweetie, this is crazy. you're never gonna find a ship capt...", "y": "hey, lily. found a ship captain."}, {"x": "i sure can. if there's two things i love, it's bringing people together in marriage and making $5,000.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "i don't even know if he's playing.", "y": "wait, i get it. i understand this game."}, {"x": "no, you don't.", "y": "i totally understand the game, theodore. barney, split your tiles. you can triple your money if you find the jellybean."}, {"x": "wow. it's beautiful.", "y": "thanks, barney."}, {"x": "ted, you should be happy robin has a secret. the more you learn about a person, the better chance you have of hitting the fatal 'oh' moment.", "y": "the 'oh' moment?"}, {"x": "damn.", "y": "i'm not afraid of sasquatch. i just think we should all be on alert."}, {"x": "trust me, not only do they tell each other everything. they want to know everything.", "y": "so, after the shower, i was brushing my teeth, and i was like, oh man, i wanted to have some orange juice, i should have done that first, but i already had the toothpaste on the toothbrush so i just went ahead and brushed them anyway."}, {"x": "that's not what i'm hey-ing you about.", "y": "you know what it might be. this is gonna sound a little crazy but what if robin's married?"}, {"x": "married? what does have to do with the mall?", "y": "well, maybe she got married at the mall. back home in minnesota a ton of people would get married at the mall of america, it's great. it's a gorgeous indoor golf course for pictures. numerous fine dining options, and talk about a reasonable price..."}, {"x": "we're not getting married at the mall.", "y": "just meet with the guy."}, {"x": "she's not married. robin hates marriage.", "y": "because she already got married, at the mall."}, {"x": "well, i don't know, whenever i ask her about canada, she kinda clams up.", "y": "she's a pretty private person."}, {"x": "so, you don't think there's any friend from canada?", "y": "oh, i'm sure there is. just like i have a friend who wet his bed till he was ten. use your brain, ted."}, {"x": "i need another beer.", "y": "robin is not in p*rn. i'll bet you anything that she's married."}, {"x": "20,000 says it's p*rn.", "y": "i don't have 20,000."}, {"x": "well then, what do you have?", "y": "well."}, {"x": "what the hell's a slap bet?", "y": "whoever's right gets to slap the other person in the face as hard as they possibly can, but no rings."}, {"x": "oh, i love it. what are my powers?", "y": "um, if a problem arises and we need a ruling, that's your job. barney but you have to be unbiased and put the integrity of slap bet above all else. this is an honor you will take with you to your grave. on your tombstone, it will read \"lily aldrin, caring wife, loving friend, slap bet commissioner.\""}, {"x": "your hand is monstrous.", "y": "well, what did you expect? you've seen my penis."}, {"x": "fine, robin's married.", "y": "ha ha ha."}, {"x": "it's serious to me.", "y": "you know what, in some countries, if you've been separated for longer than five years, technicall, you're no longer married. i can check it out at the law library at school."}, {"x": "don't get too cocky, slappy. i just got a shipment of p*rn from canada i have to go through.", "y": "i won the bet. why are you still searching?"}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "hey. listen, dude, i gotta talk to you, but you gotta promise me that you won't tell barney."}, {"x": "fine, i won't tell barney. what is it?", "y": "robin's not married."}, {"x": "what? then, why would she tell me she was?", "y": "i don't know but i cross-checked every record in canada. there's no record of her ever being married."}, {"x": "there must be some mistake.", "y": "i promise you, she's not married. she's not great at parking legally either."}, {"x": "so, she lied to me? what, what am i gonna do? i can't confront her 'cause then she'll know i told you.", "y": "you gotta lawyer her. you gotta ask her a bunch of questions, try to trip her up, maybe make her feel guilty, whatever it takes to get a confession out of her."}, {"x": "you, you got something to say to me?", "y": "what are you talking about? barney i know robin was never really married."}, {"x": "barney gets three slaps.", "y": "three?"}, {"x": "one beer. bar, downstairs, 15 second walk. who's in?", "y": "shh... lily went sleepy-bye."}, {"x": "is he black? i guess i'm the kind of person that focuses on who people are on the inside rather than the color of their skin. i'm kidding, i just wanted to see your face.", "y": "yeah, so now the wedding's back on."}, {"x": "okay.", "y": "last time james was in town, barney got slapped once, lucky twice, and... whose penthouse hot tub did you end up in?"}, {"x": "- jammies.", "y": "tonight? it's after 900 and...i have warm soup belly."}, {"x": "oh, please go sweat on someone else.", "y": "poor guy."}, {"x": "poor guy? poor my boobs.", "y": "well, it takes a lot of guts to approach a girl and you just crushed him."}, {"x": "\"oh, poor me. i'm a pretty girl and everybody everywhere wants to buy me drinks and have sex with me.\" waa.", "y": "\"oh, poor me. i get to order yummy, pink drinks with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like, but can't order because they'll be made fun of.\""}, {"x": "- dude.", "y": "- they're delicious!"}, {"x": "you know, that was, like, the third hot guy that james blew off tonight.", "y": "yeah, he's turning down sh*ts, he's yawning, he's whining about his feet. he's as bad as we are."}, {"x": "no. there's no way. he's barney's brother.", "y": "look at that. he's texting!"}, {"x": "what's gonna k*ll me? what's going on?", "y": "b-barney? have you noticed anything...different about james?"}, {"x": "oh, sweetie! did you make that for me?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "you know what i mean! gay marriage is going to cause single life, as we know it, to die out. think of how the american family will be strengthened.", "y": "barney, i'm sorry you're upset, but you got to suck it up and be a man about this."}, {"x": "no. it's always been me and him together, being awesome, while the rest of you walked two-by-two onto your ark of sexless boredom.", "y": "just because james is getting married doesn't mean things are going to change."}, {"x": "what? yeah! see, that cage represents your commitment.", "y": "oh, my god. freedom has never tasted so delicious."}, {"x": "hey. you work out?", "y": "i do. and thank you for noticing. you're obviously in very good shape yourself."}, {"x": "well, i try. so you want to dance?", "y": "you know what? i'm very flattered, and, objectively, you're a very attractive man, but this is actually my fianc\u00e9e."}, {"x": "i'm sorry. you know, i saw your drink and i...", "y": "no, no, this isn't my drink. this is hers."}, {"x": "oh, i'm straight, too. but i thank you for your time, and i appreciate your interest in my body.", "y": "you see that? being hit on doesn't have to be terrible. i feel flattered, and everyone left with their dignity."}, {"x": "- thank you!", "y": "- we're hot."}, {"x": "he's very shy, loves tennis and brazil, and drops his pants after three dirty martinis. now go, man, go!", "y": "i just never thought i'd see barney so vulnerable."}, {"x": "look at me, in a yummy sandwich!", "y": "okay, we're actually right in the middle of something right now, so..."}, {"x": "how's it going, guys? still enjoying the attentions of men?", "y": "that's like the eighth guy who's hit on us in ten minutes. it's like, hello,"}, {"x": "it was perfect. you even made tom's dad cry. might have been doing that because he's a republican.", "y": "whoa. it's 900. we should be getting back. you guys want to split a cab?"}, {"x": "yeah, me, too. i'm not tired at all.", "y": "all right, well, it's getting late. got to get the wife home."}, {"x": "dude, open your eyes. you're going to hurt yourself.", "y": "no, no. christmas eve winter wonderland is my reward for finishing my paper. baby, do i smell your sinfully cinnamon cookies?"}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "damn me and my heightened other senses. must be strong. okay, i'll be back here at 500. save me at least 20 cookies and do not clean the bowl. was that a reindeer? i don't want to know!"}, {"x": "why would you call me that?", "y": "she was perfect. i lost the perfect woman. i should have knocked her up when i had the chance."}, {"x": "okay. that's it. you're never going to get over her until you stop putting her on a pedestal. so no more ice cream until you tell me one thing that's wrong with lily.", "y": "there's only one of her?"}, {"x": "okay. she called off your wedding and dumped you to be a painter in san francisco. what do you call that?", "y": "fiercely independent? brave? i guess it was a little selfish."}, {"x": "there you go.", "y": "yeah. no, you're right. lily would laugh at anything."}, {"x": "and her art? \"i'm lily, i'm an artist.\" she doesn't even own a beret.", "y": "yeah, and if she's such a great \"artist,\" why does she suck at pictionary? who draws a ninja star like a star of david? right, right?"}, {"x": "yeah!", "y": "another round!"}, {"x": "hey, dude, how's the paper going?", "y": "screw the paper, how's the winter wonderland? is it magical?"}, {"x": "oh... so magical.", "y": "when you walk through the door, does it feel like you've been slapped in the face by christmas?"}, {"x": "sure does. look, i gotta go.", "y": "come on, man, describe it! tell me about the decorations. is rudolph there? he is, isn't he? hi, rudolph!"}, {"x": "ah, yeah, but, you know... decorations, is that really what christmas is about?", "y": "hell, yeah! what else would it be about?"}, {"x": "uh, try the birth of christ. you know, christmas-- christ mas, which means \"more christ\" to our spanish friends.", "y": "yeah, well, all i know is walking in that door and seeing the winter wonderland and seeing lily and all you guys, just... i can't wait."}, {"x": "right. i gotta go.", "y": "right. okay.oh, wait. ted, ted, ted, ted. one more thing. how about the cookies? are they delicious?"}, {"x": "you know, honestly, they taste a little store-bought. oh! i got another call.", "y": "well, tell lily i love her."}, {"x": "you're gonna be a great mom.", "y": "holy crap, the magical christmas season is upon us. and thank god we don't pay for utilities."}, {"x": "merry christmas! what's in the box?", "y": "only the best present for the best girl ever. it took me all day to track it down."}, {"x": "i thought you were writing a paper.", "y": "ah, naw, i blew that off. i'll get an extension. school's not important. what is that pitter patter on the roof? could it be the sound of an awesome christmas story about to come down the chimney? why, yes, it is. 'twas the day before christmas..."}, {"x": "yeah, all i needed to know was the tracking number. looks like it's headed out to our regional branch in poughkeepsie.", "y": "what?no, no, no, no,i need that package today."}, {"x": "listen, the truck already left five minutes ago so unless you want to run after it...", "y": "stop! stop! stop, please, stop. stop. stop the truck. i need a package on your truck. can i please take a look in back?"}, {"x": "my bad.", "y": "i'm okay. hey, man, thanks for helping me make my fiancee's christmas."}, {"x": "no problem. too bad i can't deliver all these packages by the end of the day.", "y": "wait, so some people aren't going to get their gifts in time for christmas?"}, {"x": "sadly, no.", "y": "we delivered every single package on that truck. but i still have one package left to give. yeah, i did. merry christmas. open it, baby."}, {"x": "okay. oh, my god. an easy bake oven! i've wanted one of these ever since i was a little girl. in this exact model. i never told you that. how did you know?", "y": "it's our first christmas since we got back together. i want to get her something really special. so i'm getting her a jukebox."}, {"x": "wow, that's a great gift.", "y": "not really. it's this big and it dispenses gum."}, {"x": "dude... how was the concert?", "y": "i couldn't find the outside."}, {"x": "i can't believe ted remembered after all these years.", "y": "yeah, and after all that weed. where is he anyway?"}, {"x": "staten island.", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "watch your steps when you get up, kids, 'cause i am about to drop some knowledge. relationships are like a freeway.", "y": "wait a minute, a month ago you told me relationships are like a traveling circus."}, {"x": "i can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a......douche with a faux hawk. this can't happen. you guys have to help me talk her out of it.", "y": "speech to talk a girl out of having sex."}, {"x": "marshall and i have never been to the empire state building either. but i'm so glad i waited to do something so important with my fiancee.", "y": "speaking of waiting, i signed an abstinence pledge in high school. it's totally cool to wait. and stay away from dr*gs... other than pot."}, {"x": "oh. la, la, la, la, la.la, la, la, la, la, la, la,la, la, la, la, la.", "y": "even kyle gets to do that."}, {"x": "oh, remember cloves?", "y": "no!"}, {"x": "come on, you were only 16 when you had sex. i was 17.", "y": "we were 18."}, {"x": "yeah, of course. what, you don't believe me? - it was at camp, so i'm...", "y": "what camp?"}, {"x": "it was on last night.", "y": "no, it was two nights ago. \"she's like the wind\" has been stuck in my brain for about 40 hours. i just got it out. now it's back in. damn you, swayze!"}, {"x": "do you remember our first time?", "y": "yeah. it was back in college."}, {"x": "oh, wait, wait. look... i really want to do this, but... we should make it special, you know? do this right.", "y": "okay. you're right. maybe we could go to the beach and get a house for the weekend."}, {"x": "yeah, new year's eve.", "y": "okay."}, {"x": "oh, and we'll light candles and maybe put on some classical music.", "y": "that's not a good idea."}, {"x": "why not?", "y": "long story. but maybe we could put on some al green and take a bubble bath together."}, {"x": "yeah, tell her what happened next.", "y": "that was amazing."}, {"x": "please don't. end of flashback.", "y": "we said we were sorry."}, {"x": "yeah, well, then why'd you do it again?", "y": "you know what, i loaned you my walkman."}, {"x": "no, it doesn't.", "y": "yes, it does."}, {"x": "ooh, why, lily aldrin, you saucy little harlot. could it be that before marshall took a swim, someone else tested the water?", "y": "no. nobody else tested the water, right? scooter?"}, {"x": "my high school boyfriend, who i did not have sex with.", "y": "i... i can't believe this. we're marshall and lily, when people see us, they say, \"oh, look at them, they've only had sex with each other.\""}, {"x": "no, marshall, they say, \"oh, look at them, they've only had sex with each other.\"", "y": "but now that's not true anymore, now you've had sex with twice as many people as i have. i knew that you were too good at it."}, {"x": "marshall, why is this such a big deal?", "y": "why is this such a big deal? oh, uh, sorry, christopher columbus, guess who actually discovered the new world. some dude named scooter. oh, uh, neil armstrong, it actually goes like this \"one small step for man, one giant leap for scooter.\" whoa, hey, adam, guess who got with eve before you did..."}, {"x": "okay, marshall, i get it.", "y": "it's a big deal because it rewrites our history."}, {"x": "no, it doesn't. look, have you been to the empire state building? no. you've only been in the lobby. people don't buy tickets to get in the lobby. they buy tickets to get to the top. scooter only got in the lobby, and the lobby doesn't count.", "y": "really. excuse me, sir, uh, can you tell me how to get to the empire state building?"}, {"x": "i have found that to be true.", "y": "it's a blessing and a curse really."}, {"x": "ted, you can't let him treat you like that.", "y": "yeah, you gotta ask yourself, who's the boss?"}, {"x": "oh, hey, marshall. have a seat. i know how much you love stools.", "y": "thanks. yeah, stools are better for your posture."}, {"x": "and, uh... i... got you a rose.", "y": "thank you. that's so sweet. you guys are being... so sweet."}, {"x": "nude art.", "y": "okay, all right, so what, you guys found the painting, huh?"}, {"x": "i knew this day would come.", "y": "how did you know that?"}, {"x": "because i didn't hide it very well.", "y": "well, i just... don't think that some dude should drop trou just to pose for you."}, {"x": "it's for class, and it's just that weird kid hunter from my freshman hall.", "y": "the frisbee dude with the soul patch? he's like the hottest guy in school!"}, {"x": "no, he's actually a little husky...", "y": "oh, he's just huggable! and complicated... and a little bit of a jerk. just enough so you think maybe you can change him."}, {"x": "okay, just forget it.", "y": "call me old-fashioned, i just think that i'm the only guy you should see naked."}, {"x": "well, then you'll have to do it.", "y": "are you kidding me? what if somebody sees it?"}, {"x": "we totally saw your butt.", "y": "this painting has caused too much grief already. i'm destroying it right now."}, {"x": "oh, no, what's the matter, marshall?", "y": "where is it?"}, {"x": "i'll tell you where it is if you'll answer these riddles three.", "y": "you hung it up in the bar, didn't you?"}, {"x": "hey, marshall. what'll you have?", "y": "what'll i have? um, i don't know, maybe a beer and that nude painting of me hanging behind the bar!"}, {"x": "ooh, i'm sorry, that painting's property of the bar.", "y": "i know that barney gave you that painting."}, {"x": "i don't know what you're talking about.", "y": "whatever he's paying you, i'll pay you double."}, {"x": "i doubt it.", "y": "whatever he's paying you, i'll give you that plus ten bucks."}, {"x": "i doubt it.", "y": "all right, you know what, carl, you just lost yourself a regular customer."}, {"x": "i doubt it.", "y": "this painting is the worst thing that's ever happened to me."}, {"x": "oh honey, you're awake?", "y": "i'm awake. is everything okay?"}, {"x": "yeah. i've kind of been wrestling with something. what if i told you i had a way to pay for our honeymoon?", "y": "baby, our honeymoon's already paid for. we're going to howe caverns."}, {"x": "well yeah, but-- but what if we didn't want to spend our honeymoon in a cave?", "y": "it's not just a cave, it's a whole labyrinth of caves. it's an underground adventure. there's a cave that's so dark that you don't even know you're in there. i mean, we're going to experience a whole new kind of dark."}, {"x": "well, what if i found a way to make a little extra money so that we spend our honeymoon not in howe caverns, but in scotland?", "y": "loch ness?"}, {"x": "yeah. and you know, edinburgh and the highlands and glasgow...", "y": "loch ness. nessy. baby, i would love to search for the enchanted creature of the emerald loch, but... we can't afford that."}, {"x": "i'll give you $5,000.", "y": "we're going to loch ness!"}, {"x": "all right.", "y": "no! no, this is not right!"}, {"x": "we had a deal!", "y": "well, i'm going back on the deal. barney, get out!"}, {"x": "you...!", "y": "it's over!. lily, i can't let you go through with this! i found a castle we can stay in, but it's an extra two grand. it's just not right!. it's beautiful and they say it's haunted."}, {"x": "before you say anything, i'll give you an extra five grand.", "y": "we accept."}, {"x": "and i will be going to quinn's to pick up the world's greatest food, the super bowl hot wings platter.", "y": "if i were a chicken, i'd go cannibal for those bad boys. just eat my own damn wing off. i don't care. i'm crazy like that."}, {"x": "oh, my god.", "y": "oh, my gosh."}, {"x": "who was mark?", "y": "no idea."}, {"x": "well, i guess we should go, right?", "y": "wait... tomorrow night at 600, that's the super bowl."}, {"x": "mark, and start watching only an hour late.", "y": "okay, that's great, but just to make sure it records, maybe we should bow our heads and say a quiet prayer to the tivo gods."}, {"x": "almighty tivo, we thank you for all the gifts you have given us the power to freeze live tv to go take a leak is nothing short of godlike. let's not forget fast-forwarding through commercials. it seems greedy to ask anything more from you, o magic box, but if you malfunction and miss the super bowl, we will destroy you in the", "y": "amen."}, {"x": "and even though we didn't see any whales, mark and i both said it was the best day of our lives. okay, i'm getting us another round. and when i come back, everyone else is telling their favorite mark story.", "y": "dibs on the one carl just told."}, {"x": "ted, it's not a drinking game if you drink anytime anything happens.", "y": "are these chicken wings or angel wings? god, i love these things."}, {"x": "i love you guys. this is so great, all of us watching the super bowl together. this is special. we need to do this every year, promise me!", "y": "calm down, buddy."}, {"x": "god, this is such a great tradition, all of us watching the game together. how did this start?", "y": "hey, barney, i bet you 20 bucks that casey misses this field goal."}, {"x": "i don't bet. betting's for suckers.", "y": "make it like a dollar or something, you know. who cares? no big deal."}, {"x": "fine.", "y": "see, there you go, he made it. you win."}, {"x": "wait. this is mine, just like that? god, that feels good. no, that feels really... good. what else can we bet on?", "y": "nothing, it's the halftime show."}, {"x": "god, how cool is robin?", "y": "i can't believe you invited this girl we've only known for a few months to our sacred day. now she's gonna be in all the pictures."}, {"x": "yeah, yeah, whatever. i'll give you the seahawks plus six points for 500 bucks.", "y": "are you crazy? maybe for $50."}, {"x": "i'm in.", "y": "i'm in."}, {"x": "and he's a little bit double-jointed... and his favorite animal is the loch ness monster.", "y": "lily, how many times...? nessie is a gentle creature. we're trying to stay away from terms like \"monster.\""}, {"x": "hey. i'm doug.", "y": "oh, hey, i'm marshall."}, {"x": "are you going to be staying here for the rest of day?", "y": "yeah, i'm actually trying to hide out 'cause i don't want to know who won the super bowl."}, {"x": "i know who won.", "y": "oh, um, that's great, but i really don't want to know, so if you could just keep that to yourself."}, {"x": "how badly do you not want to know?", "y": "excuse me?"}, {"x": "ten bucks.", "y": "are you serious?"}, {"x": "the team that won, want to know what their name rhymes with?", "y": "come on, dude. you promised you'd stop if i ate all those crayons. why are you doing this?"}, {"x": "i'm in love with miss aldrin.", "y": "well, you can't have miss aldrin, she's mine."}, {"x": "okay, now who did this?", "y": "i did."}, {"x": "hey. hey.", "y": "i'm not talking to you."}, {"x": "yes, you are. you'll do whatever i say. hold your breath.", "y": "i'm not holding my breath."}, {"x": "the winning team was the... now here's how this is going to work you're going to take me to three r-rated movies a week...", "y": "oh, no. somebody wet their pants."}, {"x": "no, i didn't.", "y": "oh, really? who's everyone gonna believe? i'm a grownup third-year law student at columbia and you're just a little pants wetter. so now i ask you a question you want to be able to quietly sneak off to the restroom and dry off or am i gonna have something for show and tell today? hey, everyone..."}, {"x": "okay, okay. you win.", "y": "i want my money back. and your pudding snack pack."}, {"x": "no...!", "y": "no...!"}, {"x": "way to blow it.", "y": "yeah, i didn't know and now i do know."}, {"x": "well, at least the commercials aren't ruined.", "y": "wings are still good."}, {"x": "ah, what the hell. let's watch barney lose some money.", "y": "hey, so check this out i got extorted by a five-year-old today."}, {"x": "oh, marshall, how's the broken toe?", "y": "oh, man, it kills."}, {"x": "you want some aspirin, baby?", "y": "you know i don't believe in pain k*llers."}, {"x": "marshall used to think he was indestructible.", "y": "well, it added up. i've never broken anything. i've never been sick, and when i need to, i can summon incredible strength. ted, tell her the story of the really heavy door."}, {"x": "there was a really heavy door. he opened it.", "y": "on one pull."}, {"x": "well, you must be really bummed, you're not gonna be able to run tomorrow.", "y": "yeah. it sucks, all that work i put in training for the marathon was a total waste."}, {"x": "training for a marathon.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "you don't need to train for a marathon. you just run it.", "y": "you're kidding, right?"}, {"x": "not at all. i could run a marathon anytime i wanted to.", "y": "so like tomorrow, you think you could wake up, roll out of bed, and just run the new york city marathon?"}, {"x": "50 bucks? gee, grandpa, if i win, maybe i can buy myself an ice-cream cone. make it $10,000.", "y": "you have a gambling problem. you'll bet me 50."}, {"x": "fine, then no bet. okay, $50.", "y": "each runner gets a tracking chip so you can follow them online, see when they pass certain checkpoints. barney's got mine in his shoe."}, {"x": "ooh, he's starting!", "y": "this ought to be good. wow. he's already passing the second checkpoint."}, {"x": "wow. look at his time. it's pretty impressive.", "y": "he's gotta be cheating, okay. he knew we'd check."}, {"x": "yeah, he'll do anything to win a bet. remember that time he bet me that men at work sang \"hungry like the wolf,\" and when he found out that they didn't, he tried to hire them to?", "y": "well, it looks like, \"barney\" should be coming over the queensboro bridge and up first avenue within the next hour or so. but... there is no way that that's really him."}, {"x": "so where's my 50 bucks?", "y": "all right. i got to admit, you earned this."}, {"x": "huh? can't believe they haven't made a coin for this yet. anyway, i'm heading home. might go hit the gym.", "y": "oh, hey, just so you know, uh, all marathon runners get to use the subway for free today."}, {"x": "barney's legs won't work. he's riding the subway from end to end because he physically can't get off the train.", "y": "best 50 bucks i ever spent."}, {"x": "yeah, so? what, you think this is my fault?", "y": "my pants are starting to feel a little tight."}, {"x": "oh, that's okay. i love that cute little belly.", "y": "i cannot allow this."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "i am going to run the new york city marathon."}, {"x": "\"it is important to load up on carbohydrates two to four hours before a big run. try a breakfast of a bagel, a banana, oatmeal, strawberries and some orange juice.\" here you go, marshmallow. just like the book said.", "y": "yeah, but from now on, i'm eating all of my breakfast runner-style. liquids are digested faster. that way, no energy is wasted, and it's all about the run."}, {"x": "\"don't forget to give yourself plenty of positive reinforcement.\"", "y": "this is gonna be your best run yet. you're going to accomplish all of your goals. you are a robot sent from the future to win the marathon! you are... marshall. you are... marshall. you are marshall! yeah!"}, {"x": "get out of here!", "y": "nobody does it better than you."}, {"x": "well, you're...confusing.", "y": "okay, so you have to have sex with one. either classic mermaid; bottom half fish, top half human, or inverted mermaid, top half fish, bottom half human. go!"}, {"x": "i don't know. is she fat?", "y": "yeah, but it's a fish, so it's the good kind of fat."}, {"x": "i-i don't take flyers.", "y": "you took one two seconds before you walked in here."}, {"x": "oh, lily, i'd love to, but we're not in college and i'm not trying to sleep with you. so anyway, this mermaid...", "y": "hey, lily's friend asked her to be in this play, and it's gonna be really good."}, {"x": "what's wrong with her?", "y": "she hates that word."}, {"x": "it was probably carla's. her face was a train wreck.", "y": "i'm don't think ted was dating her for her face."}, {"x": "ah, the 2005 landmark case of lily v. the joey buttafuoco pants.", "y": "nice, right?"}, {"x": "i vote they can stay. \"check out the jackass in the parachute pants\" is a good icebreaker.", "y": "ted. ted? ted?"}, {"x": "sorry, buddy, it's a \"no\" for me, too. oh, and by the way, bel biv devoe called. even they don't want those pants back.", "y": "they were insanely comfortable! they were like pajamas you could wear outside."}, {"x": "okay. the fact that i still have things from ex-girlfriends is no big deal. i mean, when i see the phone booth on the piano, i don't think of jeannie radford, i think of the good times i had backpacking through europe. and when i see the lamp, i don't think of allison moses. i remember when i was broke, just out of college, and i really needed a lamp. and when i see that throw pillow, i don't think of lauren stein. i think of that weird orange-brown stain and how it got there.", "y": "creamsicle and turkey gravy, not at the same time."}, {"x": "order! order! i got to side with robin. she's your girlfriend, and if the stuff upsets her, you got to get rid of it.", "y": "i've got to side with ted. just 'cause you still have something an ex girlfriend gave you doesn't mean you're holding onto her."}, {"x": "i know where i don't want to sit.", "y": "guys, four together!"}, {"x": "i am outta here.", "y": "no, you're not. you have to stay."}, {"x": "this is the face of consumerism!", "y": "oh, my god. ted's part of the play."}, {"x": "hello, greed, rage...envy... and consumerism. i... am your father... america!", "y": "oh, baby, that was wonderful!"}, {"x": "wow, lily, that sucked!", "y": "barney!"}, {"x": "really? well, i say we take it to the group, but i don't like your chances.", "y": "she's not getting rid of the dogs."}, {"x": "you can ask somebody to get rid of their iguana after it poops in your hair, but not their dog.", "y": "i miss jebediah."}, {"x": "uh... uh.... uh... people upstate. oh, look, it's starting. shh!", "y": "are you sure you're gonna be okay? i mean, you know that this is gonna be..."}, {"x": "i have to go refill. i'll be back in a moment. play's not over.", "y": "i never get picked for audience participation."}, {"x": "this is awesome.", "y": "i can't believe this moment's finally here. one more mile and my little boy turns 200,000."}, {"x": "your baby fiero's grown into a really old man fiero. and just like an old man, he leaks fluid, smells stale, makes weird noises out the back.", "y": "yeah, he does. hey, light up those cigars in the glove compartment. they're real cubans. i got 'em in chinatown last year just for this moment."}, {"x": "whoa, pothole. the car stops.", "y": "what? no. oh. no. no, no, no. no, there's only.8 miles to go. come on, buddy. buddy!"}, {"x": "hey. one good thing we're off the hook for the folding party today.", "y": "hey. it's very important to both lily and me that there be a handmade origami crane in each of our wedding's... i couldn't even get through it. thank god."}, {"x": "how's the fiero?", "y": "she's still in triage."}, {"x": "how long have you had her... slash him?", "y": "my brothers handed it down to me when i was 16."}, {"x": "oh, how nice of them.", "y": "not really."}, {"x": "the fiero is yours. if you pass the final test.", "y": "come on! i already shaved my legs and swallowed five dollars in quarters. only $4.50 has come out."}, {"x": "just go to the weinerburger drive-thru and get us 12 cups of coffee.", "y": "that's it?"}, {"x": "oh, yeah. but we get to decide what you wear.", "y": "agreed. totally agreed."}, {"x": "you're naked.", "y": "i'm aware of that."}, {"x": "you have 50 cents?", "y": "no... look, can i just have my coffee, please?"}, {"x": "and that is the origin of marshall's insane \"no food or drinks in the fiero, not even groceries\" rule.", "y": "it is not insane."}, {"x": "the food rule is insane. we could have d*ed because of it. remember the 100k fiasco?", "y": "ah, the fiero-asco."}, {"x": "what's the 100k fiasco?", "y": "the fiero-asco?"}, {"x": "it was just before winter break our freshman year of college. marshall and i were roommates, but we weren't really good friends yet.", "y": "i thought ted was a little bit pretentious."}, {"x": "and marshall was a total slob.", "y": "hey i'm driving my fiero back over break. i know we see enough of each other as it is, but if you want a ride, i could use the gas money. you live in ohio, right? i could swing through and pick you up."}, {"x": "all right, first of all, my parents live in ohio. i live in the moment. plus, karen and i haven't seen each other since thanksgiving. we're both really invested in making this long-distance thing work, so...", "y": "all right, well, call me if you change your mind. my odometer's going to hit 100k."}, {"x": "it was totally mutual. i mean, karen brought it up first, but i... it was... it was totally mutual.", "y": "i hear you."}, {"x": "so what's up with you and lily? anything serious", "y": "yeah. dude, we're college freshmen. i'm not going to get tied down by the first chick i hook up with. lily's cool, but this bird you'll never chain, you know?"}, {"x": "so... this song.", "y": "oh, it's the best song in the world. it's the only song i like. just kidding. tape's been stuck in the player for, like, two years. better than nothing, though."}, {"x": "maybe. i am so... sick... of this song.", "y": "don't worry. it comes around again."}, {"x": "just to be the man who walks 1,000 miles and falls down at your door...", "y": "yeah, we totally nailed the ending."}, {"x": "that was probably our best one. hey, you want to play zitch dog?", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "uh, it's a car game. every time you see a dog, you got to be the first one to say, \"zitch dog.\" i'm pretty good, so...", "y": "zitch dog."}, {"x": "well, no, i didn't know we had...we'd started, but... okay, that's cool. you got the first point.", "y": "zitch dog."}, {"x": "are we still playing? 'cause i wasn't... i wasn't really...", "y": "12-nothing."}, {"x": "marshall. marshall.", "y": "zitch dog, blue suburban."}, {"x": "damn it!", "y": "18-nothing."}, {"x": "hey, we got some time. what do you say we get off the highway, take the road less traveled, you know? robert frost.", "y": "doesn't seem like a smart idea."}, {"x": "too late. i'm taking this exit. who's not fun enough now, karen?", "y": "then we got lost. where the hell are we?! i'm pulling over."}, {"x": "no, keep driving.", "y": "we're almost out of gas, and we might not even be on a road anymore."}, {"x": "it's below zero out. if we pull over, we could be snowed in for days. plus, i only have, like, six granola bars and three bottles of water.", "y": "nah, i threw them out."}, {"x": "what?!", "y": "no food or drink in the fiero."}, {"x": "no food or drink in the f...? you haven't washed your sheets since... thus began the longest night of our lives.", "y": "pretty sure that my foot is frozen solid."}, {"x": "marshall... there's a very real chance that we're gonna be snowed in here for days. if i die first, do whatever you need to survive. eat my flesh. slice me open like a tauntaun, whatever.", "y": "thanks, ted. you're a good friend. and if i die first, you just leave my body alone."}, {"x": "what? i just said you could cut me open and crawl inside me.", "y": "yeah, don't do any of that stuff to me; it skeeves me out."}, {"x": "but... but you're dead, and i'm gonna die if i don't.", "y": "wasn't an easy decision."}, {"x": "this is all because of your insane no-food rule.", "y": "it's perfectly rational."}, {"x": "hey! my spectacles! hey. i know we're low on gas, but can we turn on the heat for just a minute?", "y": "okay. dude... i hate to say this... but it's so cold... there's only one way that we're gonna make it through this night we should've kept driving."}, {"x": "come on, marshall.", "y": "no. no. we might die now. i may never see lily again. i never told anybody this, but... i've known for a long time that i'm gonna marry that girl. if we survive this, someday i'm gonna marry her. i'm sorry about your spectacles."}, {"x": "that's okay. they were decorative. hey, marshall.", "y": "yeah?"}, {"x": "are you still thinking about lily?", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "hey. you lovers better just keep on driving.", "y": "zitch dog!"}, {"x": "wow. looks like he really needs a hug. ted.", "y": "he said it would be at least 3,000 bucks to make it run again. and even then, there's no guarantee."}, {"x": "yeah. you can keep prolonging its life, but it's really mostly machine at this point.", "y": "i know that it's a lot of money, but it's my fiero, you know? i'm about to graduate and take some sellout corporate law job, and without that fiero, i'm just another guy in a suit."}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "i've been through so much in that car. the suicidal cat."}, {"x": "the car's on its deathbed, robin. i have to clear my conscience.", "y": "guys, what are you talking about?"}, {"x": "now it just smells like a homeless guy threw up in here. end of flasback.", "y": "the broken windows?"}, {"x": "we had to make it look realistic.", "y": "why did you break two of them?"}, {"x": "it looked like fun when she did it. so i wanted to try.", "y": "can't believe this whole time it was you guys. i've been blaming really tanned dancing leotard guy."}, {"x": "wow. what a special car. so, can i crush it into a little cube yet?", "y": "i don't know. i don't know. i don't know."}, {"x": "true story.", "y": "guys. this fiero's meant a lot to all of us. friendships were made. adventures had. horrors faced. that's why we have to get rid of it."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "it's lived a great life and it deserves to die with dignity.ted but 200,000..."}, {"x": "that's so sweet. the first car our two kids remember.", "y": "i would like to say good-bye. marshall is in the car and the other are around it. marshall taps the dashboard and the cassette goes out."}, {"x": "you know what? this fiero, it's effected all our lives.", "y": "affected."}, {"x": "that's what i said.", "y": "just making sure. got us all a lot of places. i mean maybe it's time we return the favor. this fiero should have made it to 200,000. so, let's get it out that door. and we'll push it the last.7 miles. it'd do the same for us. marshall puts the cassette back in and they all start to push."}, {"x": "hey, geniuses. the back wheels are on blocks. that car ain't going anywhere.", "y": "close enough!"}, {"x": "oh, i need to get some eggs.", "y": "oh, i'll come with you."}, {"x": "really? then whatever happened to your plan of spending the last two weeks before your wedding sleeping apart?", "y": "okay, we decided not to do that because of..."}, {"x": "logistics. wedding logistics.", "y": "frickin' logistics, man. they mess everything up."}, {"x": "you didn't do it because you couldn't do it.", "y": "sure we could."}, {"x": "it would make our wedding night more special.", "y": "okay, let's do it."}, {"x": "done.", "y": "i'm gonna go grab a beer."}, {"x": "okay, now i have to wash up for two reasons.", "y": "oh, you didn't. that's right."}, {"x": "so you and lily really think you can spend two weeks apart?", "y": "you know what, barney? lily and i are a lot less chees than you make us out to be."}, {"x": "night-night tape? did you make a tape of you saying \"night-night\" to her?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "ah, $549.99. a little greedy, don't you think?", "y": "did you memorize our registry?"}, {"x": "no, i'm training.", "y": "training? for what?"}, {"x": "well, this isn't going to make it any easier. i am going to be on... the price is right.", "y": "no way!"}, {"x": "yes, in a couple days, rich fields is going to call out my name, and i will come on down.", "y": "whoa, that is so awesome."}, {"x": "here goes. hello, everyone, i'm ted mosby, marshall's best man. strong opening, right?", "y": "that's fantastic."}, {"x": "when marshall graduates this spring, he'll be a lawyer. but did you know that marshall has a criminal record? that's right, on a road trip up to cape cod, marshall was pulled over for driving by himself in a car pool lane.", "y": "are you crazy? you cannot tell that story at my wedding. my entire family's gonna be there. my little cousins, my mom, my grandma, my grandpa the minister."}, {"x": "that grandpa d*ed three years ago.", "y": "his favorite grandson is getting married, ted. i think he can take a day off from haunting the barn to make an appearance."}, {"x": "so which one, \"a\" or \"b\"?", "y": "what was that?"}, {"x": "okay, think you're gonna be happy with my new toast. there's nothing sexual. it's, uh, it's just the story of an important moment in your relationship.", "y": "i'm all ears. hello, everyone,"}, {"x": "i'm ted mosby, marshall's best man.", "y": "nice."}, {"x": "right? that's great. back when we were all freshman and marshall and lily were just a few short weeks into their relationship... it was 400 in the morning, and i'm not gonna lie, we were a wee bit wasted. we were starving. so i'd gone out to get us some snacks, and when i got back...", "y": "i love you."}, {"x": "i love you, too. i know it's soon to say it, but i'm so glad you did.", "y": "yeah. ted leaves the room."}, {"x": "dude, you're almost 30. your mom would be mad at you for eating junk food?", "y": "yeah, ted, 'cause nutrition's not important. also, so lily's never heard that story before. how's she going to react when she finds out the first time i said \"i love you\" to her, i was actually saying it to you and a bag of funyuns"}, {"x": "but who cares? you did love her. and you still do. and you're totally over funyuns, so it's not weird.", "y": "hey, lil."}, {"x": "hey? that's it?", "y": "what are you talking about?"}, {"x": "check it out. okay, imagine... imagine, if you will, that this is the $1 space on the price is right wheel. ready?", "y": "oh, wow, that was pretty close."}, {"x": "hey, so i think i figured out how to do your toast in a completely appropriate way.", "y": "finally."}, {"x": "yeah. good evening. i'm ted mosby, marshall's best man.", "y": "still strong, right?"}, {"x": "thanks, marshall, for teaching us you don't need alcohol to have fun.", "y": "oh, don't thank me. thank my parents for teaching me good values."}, {"x": "now, i wasn't supposed to hear this next part, but marshall leaned over to lily and whispered.", "y": "you know what i'd like to do to you right now? i'd like to hold your hand. i'd like to hold your hand so hard that you're not able to shake hands for a week."}, {"x": "then a little later, robin caught them... oh, um......holding hands. end flashback. it was a lovely and responsible night. to marshall and lily.", "y": "that's the worst toast i've ever heard, dude. it's totally boring."}, {"x": "i give up, too. i don't care if my dress doesn't fit. i can't eat anymore. i-i feel like my stomach's going to explode.", "y": "i know."}, {"x": "marshall, what are you doing?", "y": "going to the bathroom."}, {"x": "in the hall?", "y": "sleepwalking?"}, {"x": "you're wide awake.", "y": "robbing us?"}, {"x": "god, i missed you.", "y": "i can't sleep without you. hey, baby? would you be the big spoon for a while?"}, {"x": "sure, baby.", "y": "how's the weight gaining going?"}, {"x": "ugh, terribly. i'm too stressed out without you around.", "y": "well, i'm here now."}, {"x": "yeah. this is one of those times, sweetie?", "y": "you know what? that's okay. it'll be a slightly big outdoor wedding."}, {"x": "is she hot? i'd love to be able to cross \"harp player\" off my list.", "y": "how long is this list?"}, {"x": "what could you have that could possibly make me feel better? god, i hope marshall's having a better day than i'm having.", "y": "oh, my god. oh, my god. oh, my god. oh, my god. oh, my god!"}, {"x": "well, it's not too short.", "y": "my hair! look at my hair! she ruined my hair! i look like one of the backstreet boys!"}, {"x": "the good backstreet boys?", "y": "guys! guys! what am i gonna do?!"}, {"x": "what-what the hell happened to you?", "y": "lily's cousin is in beauty school, and lily didn't want her to do her hair, so she said she could do mine."}, {"x": "oh, no, we don't even have to cut it at all. could just give it some style.", "y": "oh, okay, yeah, that's great. 'cause, um, when it gets too short, it starts to look weird. and i don't want to look weird when i'm up there, you know."}, {"x": "ooh, i could give you some cool guy tips.", "y": "i don't think i need advice on how to be cool, but yeah, great, lay that on me."}, {"x": "i have a superpower.", "y": "lily is gonna k*ll me! look at me! she's not gonna want to marry me like this."}, {"x": "that's crazy. of course she will.", "y": "would you marry me?"}, {"x": "no. but not because of the hair. it's because i have a rule never marry anyone you've had a farting contest with.", "y": "oh, great. so now you're saying lily and i shouldn't even get married?"}, {"x": "what?!", "y": "you're the worst best man ever! i hate you! i'm not going out there! i'm leaving and i'm never coming back.i'm gonna go find that money under the rock by the tree and go live with the guys on the beach in zihautanejo."}, {"x": "dude, those guys are criminals.", "y": "only red andy was falsely accused. ted, you're my best man! you got to do something!"}, {"x": "okay, all right, come here. just breathe, breathe, all right? don't worry. don't worry. i'll just... i'll take these.", "y": "no!"}, {"x": "the bride needs this.", "y": "actually, i think it kinda works."}, {"x": "it totally does.", "y": "barney?"}, {"x": "to be honest, i'm, uh, i'm jealous i don't get to wear it.", "y": "okay, problem solved. crisis averted. let's get me married. it looks terrible, doesn't it?"}, {"x": "it kinda looks like fur, which gives you the appearance of a cleaned-up bigfoot.", "y": "oh, you know..."}, {"x": "no, i'm good. hey, you guys seen scooter?", "y": "what? what? scooter's here? that guy's at my wedding?"}, {"x": "not for long, bro. not for long.", "y": "okay, you know what? i need some air. i think we should go for a walk, okay?"}, {"x": "okay, unless you actually have one in your car, stop suggesting authentic native american headdress.", "y": "oh, no."}, {"x": "oh, my god! marshall...", "y": "lily, you're not supposed to see me."}, {"x": "what happened? did amy do this to you?", "y": "just the frosted tips. i did the rest. i'm sorry, baby. i've ruined the whole wedding, haven't i?"}, {"x": "oh, no, you didn't ruin the wedding, sweetie. it was already ruined. there's no flowers, no photographer. oh, and scooter's here, by the way.", "y": "yeah, i know. i heard."}, {"x": "my veil got thrashed, the harp player is in labor, and i'm not wearing my wedding underwear.", "y": "what? no \"property of marshall\" across the back? how are people going to know whose butt that is?"}, {"x": "what happened? remember the wedding we wanted, the intimate outdoor ceremony?", "y": "i wish we could have that wedding."}, {"x": "so do it.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "yes. yes, i can. uh, excuse me, guys. you all dropped something your jaws-- because barney stinson is about to aid and abet a marriage.", "y": "could we even do that? i mean, what about all those people in there?"}, {"x": "do that one, too. and then when everything goes wrong, you won't care because you already had the real wedding out here.", "y": "what do you think, baby?"}, {"x": "i love it.", "y": "me, too. let's do it. let's get married before we get married."}, {"x": "thank you.", "y": "hat. we thought of authentic native american headdress before we thought of hat."}, {"x": "no, i'm not. i'm not, i'm not, i'm not, i'm not, i'm not. lily and marshall... when everyone sees you, they... see true love. it's the best love... can we just, um, move on to the rings or something?", "y": "oh, no. i don't have my vows."}, {"x": "you don't need your vows. just say why you love each other.", "y": "okay, i'll go first. lily, there are a million reasons why i love you. you make me laugh and you take care of me when i'm sick. you're sweet, caring and you even created an egg dish and named it after me. she puts a little italian dressing in scrambled eggs before she cooks them. it's called \"eggs marshall,\" and it's awesome. but the main reason that i love you is that you're my best friend, lily. you're, uh... you're the best friend i ever had. i'm sorry, buddy."}, {"x": "i can't from this day forward so as long as you both shall live?", "y": "i do."}, {"x": "okay, then, by the power invested in me by the very bitter old pakistani man who works down at the courthouse on lafayette street, i now pronounce you man and wife. you may kiss the bride.", "y": "did you smoke?"}, {"x": "we're starving. we planned this amazing meal with the caterers, and we haven't had a bite of it.", "y": "every time we get near the food, we get cocktail weiner blocked. we haven't eaten all day."}, {"x": "and you... you look like a 1940s movie star.", "y": "and you look like a pepper-crusted rack of lamb with mint jelly."}, {"x": "how's it go?", "y": "\"love is patient and kind. \"love does not envy or boast. \"it is not arrogant or rude. \"love does not insist on it's own way. \"it is not irritable or resentful. \"love bears all things, \"believes all things, \"hopes all things... \"endures all things.\""}, {"x": "well, okay, one clich\u00e9e.", "y": "well, technically two."}, {"x": "no! they cleared our plates again!", "y": "pepper-crusted rack of lamb, where did you go? it's my wedding night. i was supposed to have my way with you."}, {"x": "well, you still have me.", "y": "yeah..."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "hey, stinson. never lie to a man about a chocolate fountain."}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "lily, you could have burped or said the word \"yes,\" but the fact that you did both is exactly why i married you."}, {"x": "say the story's not over! oh, god, this is the 12th most worried i've ever been that someone's pregnant.", "y": "okay, lily. i'm really hungry, so let's just, uh, aim for my mouth, okay? besides, the smearing the cake thing's a clich\u00e9e, remember?"}, {"x": "no, it's going to be so funny.", "y": "lily. lily, just feed me the cake. please, baby, i am so hungry."}, {"x": "whoopsy-daisy.", "y": "and she's okay. she's all right. that was funny. and it's time for the honeymoon. guys, guys, guys. thank you so much."}, {"x": "all right, have fun in scotland. if you see the loch ness monster, tell him ted mosby says, \"what's up?\"", "y": "nessie's a she, ted, come on. marshall and lily leave."}, {"x": "well, we knew this day would come eventually. take care of her, little man.", "y": "this is by far the drunkest i've ever seen you. uh, driver."}, {"x": "hello!", "y": "ranjit!! hey, can we make a stop before we head back to the hotel?"}, {"x": "you do not have to stop. you can be together as man and wife right back there, and because we are friends... i will not watch.", "y": "um, no, we actually had something else in mind."}, {"x": "what do you mean \"win the breakup\", old timey inventor.", "y": "what our 21st president, chester a. arthur, is trying to say is that in every breakup there are winners and losers."}, {"x": "it's not a competition. now, your 80-day ballon race around the world, that was a competition.", "y": "that's my wife."}, {"x": "gael.", "y": "girl?"}, {"x": "do you want to have diner with me? uh, us?", "y": "there was no lull. you just think he's incredibly hot."}, {"x": "no, i don't!...not incredibly. it's a little hard to believe how hot is he. but i mean, she isn't serious about him. the girl never marries the hot guy.", "y": "well, you did."}, {"x": "i'm one of the lucky few.", "y": "lily, ted is our best friend, so let's get something straight male gayle is not hot. he's not our friend. don't even look at him. just... no eye contact."}, {"x": "barney. ted, we are back. up here. up high. fivin' it up five-style!", "y": "weird? why would it be weird? because you used to date our best friend or because my wife thinks your new boyfriend is incredibly hot?"}, {"x": "i just hope ted's okay.", "y": "hmm."}, {"x": "i hate to see you so tense. i mean, we had a really clean break up, you know? we really acted like adults, so the last thing... oh! oh, god, oh!", "y": "gael, are you properly licensed massage therapist?"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "are you legally certified by some type of gouverning entity?"}, {"x": "i train for three years at an institute in buenos aires. i have a card. i can show you.", "y": "is the card laminated?"}, {"x": "what do you mean \"laminated\"?", "y": "covered in protective plastic."}, {"x": "oh, yes.", "y": "damn it! he checks out..."}, {"x": "wow. wow. great stuff, tommy lee. see what you don't understand is, i'm ted wingman. it's a sacred bond, much stronger that any... they're making out again!", "y": "massage therapist. and you know what, \"gayle\"? your piece of chicken looks a little tense to me. oh, oh, does that feel good, mr. chicken? well, guess what? i didn't wash my hands. got him."}, {"x": "oh, i forgive you, mom.", "y": "lily, we are ted's best friends. our job is to hate that guy."}, {"x": "oh, yeah, that's what i was doing. i was building him up so few minutes later, i could totally cut him down.", "y": "weren't you wearing a bra?"}, {"x": "after this maybe. oh, man, this is going to be legen... wait for it...", "y": "hey, buddy, how was your night?"}, {"x": "look.", "y": "oh my god!"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "nothing. this j. crew catalog. who brings two golden retrievers in a canoe?"}, {"x": "we've gotta call barney.", "y": "way ahead of you."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "hum. ted? could you grab me the fondue pot?"}, {"x": "oh, yeah, that'll get it out.", "y": "maybe you should try club soda."}, {"x": "oh, damn it, it really hurts. i need like, some ointment or something. what is this? spanish massage oil. spanish massage oil? what happened here last night?", "y": "last night got weird."}, {"x": "feel the emotions release.", "y": "think i just got over being chunky in the ninth grade."}, {"x": "you're beautiful.", "y": "i am beautiful."}, {"x": "okay, that's enough of the fruit.", "y": "we're sorry, ted. it'll never happen again."}, {"x": "i can't even look at you two right now.", "y": "ted."}, {"x": "so, beeing married, different? not different?", "y": "it's the same. mostly, except i think i might be getting carpal tunnel. my hands keeps cramping up."}, {"x": "i think the whole point of getting married was that you didn't have to do that anymore.", "y": "no, it's from writing all the thank you notes. mostly."}, {"x": "it's this thing they recommend you do in case one spouse d*ed unexpectedly.", "y": "it's all the information your spouse might need all in one convenient location."}, {"x": "thanks.", "y": "i am such a jerk."}, {"x": "yeah. wait, why?", "y": "i didn't know that i was supposed to write a letter. all lily's gonna find in that folder are a bunch of bank statements and a funny list of things to do with my ashes."}, {"x": "marshall brownies.", "y": "number six. yeah. oh, god, i am a bad husband. no, uh, no, i'll just write, i'll write lily a letter tonight, everything'll be fine."}, {"x": "no way at all. in fact, i dare god to smite down this perfectly healthy...", "y": "ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! i get it, okay, you guys know i'm a little superstitious, and you guys are trying to freak me out. well, guess what? it didn't work. so, there."}, {"x": "i'm just jubilant my former paramour's jubilant.", "y": "\"my dearest, sweetest, lily pad. let this letter be a small beacon, a tiny firefly to help light your way trough the years ahead. my love for you persists, higher than the himalayas, deeper than a scottish loch. if i d*ed under suspicious circumstances then beware. trust no one, not even ted. especially not ted. know that i'll always be there in your heart, whenever you need me. and my love for you will never die. love. your marshmallow.\""}, {"x": "g'day.", "y": "wow. both sides. you wrote on both sides of a thank you note to my third cousin for a blender that you haven't even taken out of the box."}, {"x": "wow, it's a really nice blender.", "y": "well, if you love that blender so much, why don't you just marry it."}, {"x": "i can't. i married you. that's how we got the blender. what's wrong?", "y": "nothing. nothing's wrong. what could be wrong? except that when you die, i'm gonna find out that your parting words to comfort me for all eternity were \"cancel vogue\"."}, {"x": "how can you open my letter?", "y": "that was not a letter. it was barely even a text message. next time you write something that short, at least have the courtesy to make it rhyme."}, {"x": "marshall, wait. this was our first fight as a married couple.", "y": "oh, baby."}, {"x": "well. i only had traveler's checks.", "y": "hey, babe. i've been thinking about our fight."}, {"x": "yes?", "y": "i'm really, really... surprised that you haven't apologized to me yet."}, {"x": "wow. you really want to open this up again. oh, i forgot, you open everything up, even if you're not supposed to until i'm dead.", "y": "you know that is important to me. why won't you just write the letter?"}, {"x": "because, i can't bear the thought of not being with you, not even for long enough to write you a stupid letter.", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "yes, really. plus, i know as soon as i write it, you're just going to open it up and read it again.", "y": "lily, i won't, i promise."}, {"x": "okay. i'll write you a letter for my death folder.", "y": "do you mind, um, maybe slipping in a little bit of dirty stuff, too?"}, {"x": "i tell you what. how about i make it all dirty stuff and slip in a little clean stuff?", "y": "you're the best. and maybe a couple polaroids?"}, {"x": "okay, i'm done... but i really don't want you reading this unless... you know, something happens. can you swear to me you won't open it?", "y": "totally. what does it say?"}, {"x": "marshall, i'm serious.", "y": "okay. i promise i won't, i won't open that until you're dead."}, {"x": "but that's impossible. you were up here less than half an hour ago.", "y": "yes, advantage ericksen."}, {"x": "don't get cocky. wimbledon lasts a fortnight.", "y": "fortnight. british words are so cool. plus, did you know lawyers there get to wear wigs? i wear a wig to work, i'm a jackass."}, {"x": "all right, i'm ready, let's hit it.", "y": "can't go. tournament."}, {"x": "what are you talking about? i got the low-maintenance, just-rolled-out-of-bed look.", "y": "yeah, which takes an hour and a half of waxing, tugging and teasing to achieve."}, {"x": "fyi, it doesn't matter, baby. guys just wanna get on the green. they don't mind going through the rough.", "y": "shekwakie."}, {"x": "yeah, pants are off.", "y": "this is wimbledon, ted. i need the freedom and mobility that only underwear can provide. cheerio."}, {"x": "ok, guys, be cool.", "y": "kazouwee. vanquished, old bean."}, {"x": "ok, well, don't worry, i'll come down and help you figure it out.", "y": "i thought we were in for the evening."}, {"x": "no way, no way, no way!", "y": "what's happening?"}, {"x": "it's a tricycle.", "y": "no way, no way, no way. it's a tricycle."}, {"x": "so what you're saying to us right now is you have a sh*t at the belt?", "y": "wait wait wait, what belt?"}, {"x": "barney and i have this running joke that the first guy to actually pull this off would win the championship belt.", "y": "oh, so it's a metaphorical belt, right?"}, {"x": "i never kid. remember you said if i ever slept with that girl from days of our lives, i'd be the king? well...", "y": "why wasn't i told about the belt? i could go for the belt."}, {"x": "that's funny. i love that. you should tell more jokes at my apartment upstairs.", "y": "scenario number 12. we're in a horrific car crash, you die, i'm left paralyzed. two sexy nurses with a six-pack of wine coolers sneak into my room late at night. i try to blink at them in morse code, \"please, don't, i love my dead wife,\" but they're medical professionals and i gotta think somehow they're saving my life."}, {"x": "fine, sleep with your nurses. tonight you ride the unicycle.", "y": "i already did this morning."}, {"x": "oh, hold on. ted's texting me. we're combing upsars.", "y": "we're combing upsars? what does that mean?"}, {"x": "he's coming upstairs!", "y": "where are my pants? where's my pants!"}, {"x": "we know, we know, ted. well done, this is very impressive. up top.", "y": "yeah bro, up top."}, {"x": "you guys need to get out of here right now. please, take the fire escape.", "y": "no, no way. the other day i saw a pigeon take a crap on it and the whole thing shifted."}, {"x": "because the belt is my birthright. you can't claim it before i do. that would be like jimmy olsen capturing lex luther while superman watches impotently from the bedroom.", "y": "but barney, you've done way dirtier stuff than ted. you're disgusting."}, {"x": "let me get this straight. you're gonna trike block me? that is so petty. it's like you're...", "y": "tom petty."}, {"x": "i'll get your coats? ted i don't know why i said that. why did i say that? it's the opposite of what i meant. i wanna take clothes off them, not put more on.", "y": "ted, you're ruining this for everyone."}, {"x": "yes it is. whatever this night was heading towards is ruined. where's my coat?", "y": "why would you do that to yourself?"}, {"x": "but she has a dead tooth.", "y": "she's superhot and she's so successful."}, {"x": "but? lily fine, but he has a kid.", "y": "oh."}, {"x": "shotgun.", "y": "you can't blame us for thinking that the kid would be a problem. i mean, if we were friends with garfield, we wouldn't set him up on a date with mondays."}, {"x": "but she's canadian.", "y": "but she didn't like field of dreams."}, {"x": "wow.", "y": "wow. you're here and not in stall two."}, {"x": "yeah, so?", "y": "i may have made some wildly inappropriate h*m* comments to a gentleman wearing your shoes."}, {"x": "ok, marshall.", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "which one of us has more game?", "y": "neither of you guys has any game, right, or else you'd be married like me."}, {"x": "yeah, if you're playing in the women's league.", "y": "you're joking. i have mad game, bra."}, {"x": "i hate to say it, buddy, but you're kinda' irrelevant.", "y": "what? i am not irrelevant. i know tons of stuff. i could help you guys. i don't wanna be left out."}, {"x": "ted, you do not have more game than me. by sheer numbers alone, i win. come on, dude, you've seen my list.", "y": "do you guys wanna hear one of my lines?"}, {"x": "first of all, i did not ask to see that list and i am still horrified. true game is about quality, not quantity. and a quality girl would pick me over you any day.", "y": "are you a model? that one's good because it's flattering to the girl."}, {"x": "ok, great. rule number one, no eye patches or props of any kind.", "y": "one time i was with this girl and i tried that model line, and i totally got some over-the-shirt boob action at a just say no assembly."}, {"x": "oh, interesting. look who just took a commanding lead. now, with you out of the picture, i can take my sweet time.", "y": "ted, she's leaving."}, {"x": "by the look of those shoes, here comes your bathroom buddy.", "y": "look who's got game."}, {"x": "oh, does she know that one song? mm-hm chaka, mm-hm chaka. what's that song called? oh, right, it's called every reggae song.", "y": "i am not irrelevant. i ran the numbers. if lily and i have sex twice a week, which, let's be honest, we all know is being conservative. and we've been together for ten years plus seventeen more times on the honeymoon. minus the two week drought when i said the checker at the grocery store reminded me of a young lily. then we have had sex a total of...wait for it..."}, {"x": "nice.", "y": "one thousand fifty-three and a half times...my mom called once. but that's more times than barney has ever had sex and to your point, ted, lily is a quality girl. i win. lawyered."}, {"x": "doesn't count.", "y": "totally counts."}, {"x": "you are so in denial right now. and you're doing what you always do in relationships.", "y": "that's totally you."}, {"x": "it's not me.", "y": "you're joking, right?"}, {"x": "\"my new mommy.\" kinda has a nice ring to it.", "y": "hey, now that you're a mom, are you gonna start wearing those totally awesome jeans that go right up to your boobs?"}, {"x": "well, i couldn't do it. i broke up with her. thanks a lot by the way. a beautiful, sexy girl and all i could think about was you being there first. you were stuck in my head like a chumbawumba song.", "y": "which chumbawumba song? barney well, what an interesting turn of events. it looks like i'm going to win."}, {"x": "not even at all.", "y": "wow, that's good."}, {"x": "please call me blah.", "y": "so, blah, how did you two meet?"}, {"x": "she's gonna tell some bogus story about a cooking class because she's embarrassed we met online.", "y": "ay, chihuahua."}, {"x": "aw.", "y": "starts with it too."}, {"x": "it was late august 1996", "y": "lily and i were both freshmen moving into"}, {"x": "ohhh.", "y": "i know, right?"}, {"x": "now, they perfected that story over hundreds of tellings. the first time marshall told it to me, it was a little different.", "y": "dude, this black-haired goth chick stopped by today, wanna tap that."}, {"x": "i'm your new roommate. college marshall this is so unfair.", "y": "i didn't realize ted wasn't the dean until later that night."}, {"x": "that's not the story, ted, tell 'em.", "y": "tell us what?"}, {"x": "here's your problem, you've only slept with one woman. those kind of stats are only okay if you're eleven. but tonight, we're getting you a new girl because marshall eriksen, from this moment on, i make all your decisions for you.", "y": "i'm sorry, who are you again?"}, {"x": "so we should make lots of star wars references around girls, that's what you're saying?", "y": "i'm not gonna cheat on my girlfriend."}, {"x": "how much hotter is she than your girlfriend? marshall there's no comparison. what do you think, ted? go for it? ted oh, don't do it, man. think about lily.", "y": "you know what, i don't care. i've been with one woman for too long. i need me some strange."}, {"x": "that man is a god.", "y": "for like a week after, barney followed me around, asking me to teach him how to live. i even got him to do my laundry once."}, {"x": "marshall, i need to talk to you. can we go somewhere in private?", "y": "yeah, of course, what's wrong?"}, {"x": "lily and ted made out. what do you think of that, robin? marshall what are you talking about? lily you know that guy i made out with at the freshman orientation party?", "y": "too-much-tongue guy? yeah."}, {"x": "and you know that girl i made out with at the freshman orientation party?", "y": "unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl? yeah."}, {"x": "baby, i am so sorry.", "y": "i don't think you need to be. i was at that party. it was dark, and granted, i had eaten quite a few sandwiches but i'm a hundred percent sure that unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl was alexa leskies, it's not lily."}, {"x": "this is incredible!", "y": "oh my god! i can't believe it!"}, {"x": "i have big news!", "y": "oh my god!"}, {"x": "okay. my thing's pretty huge. but fine, you can go first.", "y": "okay, i just found out..."}, {"x": "oh, it's the same exact spelling as my name.", "y": "okay, you know, cute coincidence, barney. whatever. i just got on the phone with the nr..."}, {"x": "all right. let's meet your new doppelganger. or should i say doppel banger.", "y": "guys, guys, guys! can i tell my news? it's pretty..."}, {"x": "probably not the same guy.", "y": "i got the job at the nrdc."}, {"x": "congrats, buddy.", "y": "thanks. it's kind of weird hugging with p*rn on."}, {"x": "yeah, and i'm sure complete accuracy in all those details was very important to the directors... \"dirt and skank, the raunch brothers\".", "y": "baby, i have some exciting news."}, {"x": "i hope it's not that you just won some sort of race here.", "y": "i got the job at the nrdc."}, {"x": "but you're still gonna go to your job interview today, right, baby?", "y": "i'm not doing that interview. those people are evil."}, {"x": "see, this is way better than marshall's intership.", "y": "it's a real job."}, {"x": "who is this guy? are we related? do, do i look like him?", "y": "hmm. it's hard to tell. go, go like this."}, {"x": "oh, hey, baby, how'd the interview go?", "y": "um, interesting. there i am in the office of jefferson coatsworth and i figure i'm not gonna take this job anyway, i might as well give this old bastard a piece of mind. jefferson coastworth wasn't what i expected."}, {"x": "oh, he is good. classic seduction technique.", "y": "what do you mean?"}, {"x": "oh, i use it all the time. first i buy her... and by her i mean you... a drink. now, i'm the guy who gets her what she wants. then i pretend to care about whatever idiotic thing she cares about. for you, that would be the enviroment. now, i'm the great guy who shares her interests. and before you know it, you're naked in my apartment, shouting \"oh-oh bar-r-r-ne-e-y\"! and by you, i mean her.", "y": "he is not trying to seduce me. he didn't even offer me the job."}, {"x": "let me buy you a dinner. tomorrow night. as a thank you, okay? you'll tell me all about the nrdc, and we'll charge it all to one of my evil clients.", "y": "i, you know, i don't know if..."}, {"x": "marshall, you know what kobe beef is?", "y": "the most expensive beef in the world."}, {"x": "the place i'm taking you has kobe lobster. that is lobster fed with kobe beef.", "y": "oh my god. he's trying to seduce me."}, {"x": "so are you gonna go to dinner with him?", "y": "no. no way. i promise myself to the nrdc. i'm not that kind of lawyer."}, {"x": "pay up! p*ssy!", "y": "guys, it's 300 in the morning and it reeks in here."}, {"x": "ah, hey, marshall. you're still up? aren't you taking the bar tomorrow?", "y": "hey, here's one. private building, recently renovated, hardwood floors, tons of light, two bedroom, 2 bath."}, {"x": "oh yeah, but that one's not for rent. it's for sale!", "y": "oh right!"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "baby, real estate is always a good investment!"}, {"x": "we can't buy, we have debt.", "y": "yeah, i know, my sudent loans are pretty big."}, {"x": "i forgive you.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "well... i'm just saying as your wife, you know i'm cool that you spent tens of thousands of dollars on a brand name law school because i know it make you feel good and pretty.", "y": "let's just go take a look at this place."}, {"x": "where is it?", "y": "uh, it's in a neighborhood called... dowisetrepla?"}, {"x": "dowisetrepla?", "y": "o, actually we live on the upper west side, so..."}, {"x": "oh, well, nobody calls it d-town. dowistrepla the up-and-coming neighborhood. and i have to tell you, for these prices you're not going to be able to find an other...", "y": "i'm, i'm gonna stop you right there. dont bother with the hard sell. this place is, is way out of our price range, and besides, we've only just started to looking."}, {"x": "i've never been to this neighborhood. kind of thought this part of town was water", "y": "no, dude. this is dowisetrepla."}, {"x": "dowisetrepla?", "y": "yeah!"}, {"x": "is that an abbreviation for something?", "y": "pffff he's from ohio. dowisetrepla is the up-and-coming neighborhood."}, {"x": "oh!", "y": "i think this right the place where lily and i start a family, i can see it now."}, {"x": "tthanks mommy!", "y": "man, life is gonna be sweet!"}, {"x": "now, listen, i don't want to put a lot of pressure on you, but there is one other couple that expressed very serious interest", "y": "i see what you're doing here. \"another couple\", please, that crap is page one out of the realtor's playbook. and we're not buying it."}, {"x": "oh marshall, can i talk to you? marshall, i just... i don't know if now is the right time to buy.\"", "y": "but we're not doing this for now, we're doing this for our future. can't you imagine starting a family here?"}, {"x": "oh persephone! oh daphne! these'll be perfect additions to our upcoming mother-daughter exhibit at the met.", "y": "looks great girls. who wants crapes of"}, {"x": "anything else?", "y": "yes! i've been staring at that thing for years. wendy, bring me the comically large bottle of champagne."}, {"x": "really? are you sure? it's never been refrigerated. and i think at some point there was a fish in it.", "y": "honey, once you've made the sale, stop selling."}, {"x": "you should be a reality show.", "y": "wait! that cork is the size of a softball and you're pointing it directly at wendy the waitress's face."}, {"x": "i'm glad. sometimes, i don't. a place like this really needs a lady of the house. i know it's early to be thinking of you as... oh, god, i'm freaking you out, aren't i? it's just you make me feel so safe. i didn't...\"", "y": "hey, uh, can we get this in singles? before we get the apartment i want to put in a kiddie pool and swim around in it naked."}, {"x": "great, that is great", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "well, can we just go ahead and do it in my husband's name? he's the head of the household. he earns the big bucks. i mean, can women even own property?", "y": "go ahead, just give him your social."}, {"x": "got it! let's see what kind of rate i can get you 2.", "y": "under six percent, under six percent, please"}, {"x": "there we go, congratulation you've been approved for a loan at 18%.", "y": "no way. that-that can't be right."}, {"x": "let's get out of here, marshall.", "y": "hold it, i- i don't understand. did we do something wrong or...?"}, {"x": "you have quite a bit of debt.", "y": "my student loans. great. i thought we were friends. you know what, it's fine to penalize me for trying to get an education and bud a career, but i will not let you deprive my beautiful wife of her dream home just because i..."}, {"x": "they're back.", "y": "hey, hey guys."}, {"x": "marshall stormed out.", "y": "i went, uh, to the bar."}, {"x": "still drinking that?", "y": "i paid for it. and apparently money's tight now, so..."}, {"x": "listen, i've been thinking about this, and i know there's no way to undo what i've done, but, well, i made an appointment with a divorce lawyer.", "y": "what?! what?!"}, {"x": "oh no no! no, no, no", "y": "you want a divorce now?"}, {"x": "no! i just mean on papers, so that you can buy the apartment without my bad credit dragging us down.", "y": "lily... are you trying to k*ll me?"}, {"x": "i'm sorry, i shouldn't have led with the divorce lawyer part.", "y": "no, you shouldn't have! i love you, lily."}, {"x": "i love you too, and i want us to have our dream home. and well, i don't know, it seems like this is a way to do it. so marshall eriksen, will you divorce me?", "y": "that's the sweetest divorce proposal i've ever heard."}, {"x": "so is that a yes? you can't sleep with other women though.", "y": "no we're not getting divorced, not even on paper. lily, when i married you, i married your problems too. the ones i knew about and the ones i didn't. so that was the deal, we'll figure this out together."}, {"x": "so what's the annoucement?", "y": "i just got off the phone with the realtor. we told her that, uh, because of our finances, we're not getting the place. it's just --it's not the right time."}, {"x": "yeah!!", "y": "ow this is exciting!"}, {"x": "yeah! there it is! our new home!", "y": "shall we?"}, {"x": "oh! what a horrible smell.", "y": "it reeks!"}, {"x": "don't you know? baby, this whole neighborhood is downwind of the sewage treatment plant.", "y": "wait... what did you just say?"}, {"x": "no way! march does not have 31 days.", "y": "yes, it does! everyone knows that. it's like general knowledge."}, {"x": "corporal punishment.", "y": "oh, man, i got a kernel stuck in my teeth."}, {"x": "i gotta go.", "y": "i'm gonna go pay."}, {"x": "all right,we have a turkey.", "y": "yeah, we do."}, {"x": "isn't this exciting? our first thanksgiving together as a group.", "y": "yeah, this is gonna be the best slapsgiving ever."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "i said this is going to be the best thanksgiving ever."}, {"x": "why are you guys even a country?", "y": "oh, hey, by the way, if anyone wants to come over early thursday, we can watch the slapsgiving day parade."}, {"x": "well, there, you said it again.", "y": "said what?"}, {"x": "slapsgiving.", "y": "oh, i guess i did. you know why? i've invented a new holiday slapsgiving. it's the one day we set aside each year to gather together and give slaps."}, {"x": "wait, you're gonna slap me on thanksgiving?", "y": "slapsgiving."}, {"x": "well, you know what? if you're trying to freak me out about spending thanksgiving...", "y": "slapsgiving."}, {"x": "right. cause you blew it. the worst part about getting slapped is not knowing when it's going to happen. but now i know exactly when i'm gonna get slapped. so, you took all the suspense out. you showed your hand.", "y": "and thursday at 301 p.m., your face is going to show my hand."}, {"x": "what are you talking about? he's forty-one.he looks great.", "y": "yeah, du he's in pretty good shape. he could probably kick your ass."}, {"x": "oh, by the way, we're all baking pies at robin's tomorrow. marshall can't be trusted in the apartment with pies overnight.", "y": "for the millionth time, sleep-eating is a very serious and delicious medical condition."}, {"x": "oh, marshall, are you working on the cranberry sauce?", "y": "in a minute, baby. i've only got so many hands. you see what i got going on here? they're turkeys, but they're also hands, because later, we're going to eat turkey... and then i'm going to slap you in your face."}, {"x": "something really weird happened last night.", "y": "what do you mean something weird happened last night?"}, {"x": "exactly. and you know why? because you don't want to hurt someone you really care about, especially around the holidays. i mean, what decent human being would want to cause any kind of emotional or physical pain...", "y": "you're still getting slapped."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "that is a real slap in the face."}, {"x": "that is a terrible idea!", "y": "horrible idea."}, {"x": "my on-base percentage was off the charts!", "y": "oh, no! the slap-petizers."}, {"x": "um, most thanksgivings.", "y": "don't stress, baby. i'll try to find us something relaxing."}, {"x": "thanks, baby. ooh, some classical music, maybe.", "y": "oh, my! look at that. that means we're in the final hour of the countdown."}, {"x": "i'm not scared.", "y": "then why is your right cheek twitching? it's not... maybe it's because future me slaps future you so hard, it reverberates back to the present, shattering the time-slap continuum."}, {"x": "please don't slap me.", "y": "i'm sorry, what?"}, {"x": "oh, god! don't slap me again! i don't want to get slapped again, and the first two times hurt so bad, i don't like it! i don't like it one bit!", "y": "i thought i ruined it by putting a clock on it, barney?"}, {"x": "well, you didn't ruin it; you made it so much worse! i can't eat. i can't sleep. i've lost ten pounds; my suits are wearing me. you know what? i'm outta here.", "y": "well, no, no, no. you can't leave."}, {"x": "why can't i?! nowhere in the rules does it say that i have to sit through sort of mental t*rture! you are allowed to slap my face, sir, but you are not allowed to slap my mind! good day!", "y": "but it's slapsgiving."}, {"x": "no! it's not! it's thanksgiving! our first one as a married couple, as grownups and you're not even trying to be a part of it! none of you are! so... as slap bet commissioner, i'm issuing a ruling. thanksgiving is a day of peace. there will be no slaps today!", "y": "what?!"}, {"x": "hey, bob.", "y": "baby,please... -no!"}, {"x": "marshall, you're not eating. did something spoil your slap-petite?", "y": "no, i just thought...before we eat, maybe the chef would like to say a few words."}, {"x": "nope. this sucks. eat up and leave.", "y": "well, then, i'd like to say something. if that's cool? um... today, lily did something great. not only did she gather us all here together and cook a delicious meal, but she also started a new tradition. we're gonna do this again next year, and the year after that... maybe for the rest of our lives. i think that's pretty amazing if you think about it. and it's all thanks to you,lily. i love you. so, to the first of many thanksgivings together."}, {"x": "...two...one.", "y": "that's three! thanks, baby, you're the best. and as a special, added bonus, i've composed a song just for this occasion. ted, lights! *what is this feelin' that's put you in your place a hot, red burnin' on the side of your face you feel the blood rush to your cheek. tears start to fill your eyes and your lips are tremblin' but you can't speak,you're tryin', oh, you're tryin' not to cry! you just got sla-apped-oh, oh! across the face, my friend-oh, oh, oh! you just got slapped. yes, that really just happened. everybody saw it and everybody laughed and clapped, it was awesome. wait,you just got... slapped. happy slapsgiving, everybody.*"}, {"x": "oh, no, this doesn't count.", "y": "if it's someone you see on a regular basis, and you can't avoid them..."}, {"x": "wait, ted, barney has a point. remember what happened with me and curt down at the station?", "y": "oh, yeah, and remember what happened with us and the gerards across the hall?"}, {"x": "it's true.", "y": "that's not even possible."}, {"x": "12 of them.", "y": "there's no way."}, {"x": "and i'm laura.", "y": "oh, hi, welcome to the building. yeah."}, {"x": "bar k*ller.", "y": "don't k*ll the bar, dude."}, {"x": "and it was a huge mistake.", "y": "yeah, well, i think it'll be okay."}, {"x": "and it's so conveniant. they're right across the hall. say it's sunday and we want to have a brunch double date with someone.", "y": "we just go across the hall."}, {"x": "and say we want to have a dinner party exploring the wine and cuisine of france's loire valley.", "y": "we just go across the hall."}, {"x": "that's what i thought.", "y": "dude, you got to flick it."}, {"x": "we like this bar.", "y": "don't k*ll the bar, dude."}, {"x": "barney, we love this bar.", "y": "don't k*ll the bar, dude."}, {"x": "but it wasn't.", "y": "it's fine."}, {"x": "i'm sorry sweetie. i don't want to fight tonight. it's our first weekiversary.", "y": "on my suggestion, you..."}, {"x": "and no fiesta would be complete without", "y": "dude, actually, we made other plans, so... okay one word. 2 syllables. sounds like... parades charades."}, {"x": "god, i'm such an idiot.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "the iron man. oh!", "y": "i remember that."}, {"x": "every time we step out the door, they're out there waiting for us. sometimes, we'll send ted out first as a scout. nobody's there. then we'll go out one second later, and there they are.", "y": "it's freakin' supernatural. are they ghosts? can only we see them?"}, {"x": "oh you are kidding me?! what?!", "y": "don't k*ll the bar dude!"}, {"x": "wendy the waitress hyphen stinson.", "y": "don't k*ll the bar dude."}, {"x": "so maybe we could go back to just being coworkers.", "y": "maybe we should just go back to being neighbors."}, {"x": "do you see anything?", "y": "i think we're clear."}, {"x": "ok go go go.", "y": "that was close."}, {"x": "too close. you've got to be kidding me. what do we do?", "y": "i have no idea."}, {"x": "it's just ted!", "y": "wait!"}, {"x": "hello? guys?", "y": "baby, we only have one choice."}, {"x": "noooooooo!", "y": "dude."}, {"x": "well, i'm sick of all the rules! there's too many of them! the hot/crazy scale, the lemon law, the platinum rule! if everyone in the world followed every one of your rules, the human race would cease to exist. yes chances are to stella and i are not going to live happily ever after the overwhelming odds have it ending badly. and when that happens, it'll be for one of a million possible reasons. but that doesn't mean i'm not gonna try. and when it does fail, so help me god, it's not gonna be because of some rule. ps you just made my hair look awesome. good night.", "y": "so what do you mean \"it wasn't a date\"?"}, {"x": "she thought we were seeing a movie just as friends.", "y": "why would she think that?"}, {"x": "gonna play some charades.", "y": "have fun."}, {"x": "this is far from over. we're talking ten weeks from now. who knows what she'll want then? do you know what you're going to want for lunch ten weeks from now?", "y": "sloppy joe, shrimp cocktail and a milk shake."}, {"x": "i think that's great, ted. you can do whatever you set your mind to. in fact, you've inspired me. i'm going to stop biting my nails.", "y": "but, baby, you love biting your nails."}, {"x": "oh, barney, no, no. we said no fireballs at the table.", "y": "what the hell is wrong with you?"}, {"x": "you know, you can do this, ted. i said that i would stop biting my nails, and kablam-ey. it's just a challenge. it can't be easy to woo someone while you're sticking your naked butt in their face.", "y": "works for baboons. it's called \"presenting.\""}, {"x": "i know, i know, but i thought if i read it, maybe we'd have something new to talk about.", "y": "it's actually a great book. it taught me the power of complete memory."}, {"x": "can i borrow your copy?", "y": "i left it somewhere... i forget."}, {"x": "i swear to you, i did not.", "y": "my wife's always getting on me about my dry elbows. so good to be in a relationship. anyone special in your life? or maybe just someone you're interested in? interes-ted in?"}, {"x": "you know, we should really get this mole checked out. it's just a little irregular.", "y": "irregular? oh, my god. this is it. it's all over."}, {"x": "one of my patients has this little butterfly tattoo at the bottom of his back.", "y": "can you stop talking about your other patients?! i'm dying here, woman!"}, {"x": "there you go. look, even if it is something, it's easily treatable, so try to relax.", "y": "okay. hey, what was it you were saying before about the guy with the butterfly tattoo?"}, {"x": "oh, that... that's nothing. it's just a little crush. so i will be calling you with your results.", "y": "oh. okay. thank you."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "there it is... she's a mom. it's just not gonna happen.", "y": "sorry, dude. have a shrimp."}, {"x": "it's our ncaa bracket.", "y": "big board equals big luck!"}, {"x": "hey, that looks familiar, where did you get it?", "y": "hello. uh, i'm looking for my wife, ms.aldrin."}, {"x": "there's no school today. it's saturday.", "y": "of course. how could i forget?"}, {"x": "big board!", "y": "big luck!"}, {"x": "yeah. the winner gets $100,000 stuffed in a duffel bag.", "y": "and you get to keep the duffel bag."}, {"x": "the same thing happened at the pet store yesterday.", "y": "pet store?"}, {"x": "no. marshall.", "y": "you're a millionaire art thief casing the joint for a thrill money can no longer give you!"}, {"x": "my list? dude, do not pretend you're not the kind of guy who keeps a list of all the girls he's slept with.", "y": "i have one. it's called my marriage license."}, {"x": "that's true...", "y": "it's \"dead wife's kidney.\" how are we even discussing this?"}, {"x": "fake baby!", "y": "lost at sea!"}, {"x": "fake baby!", "y": "lost at sea!"}, {"x": "yeah, she did.", "y": "evil twin!"}, {"x": "come on! marshall?", "y": "i'm tired and sad."}, {"x": "dude, dude, dude, look. blonde girl heading over to robin right now. we are go.", "y": "i don't know what to do with my hands. what do i normally do with my hands? barney. i brought a copy of the bracket. which one is she?"}, {"x": "i don't recognize her. she's not on the top 64.", "y": "not even on bracket. cinderella story comes out of nowhere to win the whole thing. that'll warm your heart."}, {"x": "hey, baby.", "y": "beer."}, {"x": "are you okay?", "y": "beer."}, {"x": "okay, what happened?", "y": "they always told me that working at a big law firm was like being at w*r..."}, {"x": "dude, we're lawyers now.", "y": "totally."}, {"x": "we've got briefcases and everything.", "y": "freakin' briefcases."}, {"x": "you have anything in yours?", "y": "totally empty. you?"}, {"x": "candy bars.", "y": "then you get in the trenches side by side with your buddies. and you feel a sense of camaraderie. but before too long..."}, {"x": "hey, marshall....", "y": "...the shells start to fall. hello, arthur."}, {"x": "how's your morning going?", "y": "it's going fine. how is yours?"}, {"x": "not too bad, not too bad. hey, is ferguson in yet?", "y": "he is, he's in... just in his office next door."}, {"x": "that's great... have a good one, buddy.", "y": "you, too. you never know who's gonna get hit..."}, {"x": "hey, ferguson! i read your report, and it's complete crap! no, you know what? that's an insult to crap. if crap could eat and then crap stuff out, it's that! your report is the crap that crap craps! if you last two more days here, i'll be shocked! shocked!", "y": "so that brings us to today. a little background. so i'm working on this report called \"using 23-b-3 spurious class action precedent to contest a class certification order based on a lack of commonality, numerosity...\""}, {"x": "dude, you lost us. can't you just call it something cool like \"the ninja report\"?", "y": "okay. yeah, fine, whatever. um, so i'm supposed to turn in \"the ninja report\" yesterday. but i got insanely busy with other stuff, i didn't get a chance to finish it, and then this morning..."}, {"x": "how's your day going?", "y": "i gotta go."}, {"x": "fantastic. have a good one, buddy.", "y": "and then..."}, {"x": "what, that's it? you're upset because a guy talked loudly near you?", "y": "barney, i have never been screamed at like that in my life."}, {"x": "look, marshall, he screamed at you, you took it. he probably respects you more for it.", "y": "yeah, about that... so arthur's busy giving me the full screaming treatment... face turning red, vein in his forehead about to burst, spittle flying like shrapnel. everyone you work with walking by your office, peering in. and suddenly, i just felt all of it."}, {"x": "all of what?", "y": "all of it. the fact that i became a lawyer to save the environment, and now i'm working for the bad guys instead. the fact that i am stuck in this job because of a mortgage i can barely afford on an apartment that is crooked. the fact that i am a grown man, and nobody, not even a*tillery arthur, has the right to talk to me like that!"}, {"x": "dude i can't believe you cried in front of your boss.", "y": "i don't know what happened. there's just something about being yelled at like that, like i was being scolded by my dad. suddenly... suddenly i was a little boy."}, {"x": "is \"boy\" the right word?", "y": "i felt absolutely powerless. flaccid... hell, i... i felt castrated."}, {"x": "god, you're hot right now.", "y": "and the worst thing is, tomorrow morning i have to walk into arthur's office and give him the ninja report."}, {"x": "ooh. ooh. ninjas are cool.", "y": "how the hell am i supposed to face this guy again?"}, {"x": "okay, g*n v*olence might be the answer to everything up in canada, robin, but here in america, we solve our problems with words. marshall, you go in and you dazzle this guy with a big eloquent speech defending human dignity. like abraham lincoln.", "y": "yeah, because it's so easy just to bust out a big, eloquent speech off the top of your head."}, {"x": "stuck the landing... bravo! thank you. security's gonna rough you up a bit on the way out.", "y": "guys, guys, this is not helping, okay? i can't have some big confrontation with arthur. i need this job, i... i need the money."}, {"x": "yeah, but how good would it feel to walk in there tomorrow, tell him off and then quit?", "y": "it's great to fantasize about, but nobody ever actually does it."}, {"x": "oh, my god.", "y": "he peed on the conference table?"}, {"x": "eventually, he just gave up and left. and then his cousin's website tanked. and then he became a janitor at an old folks' home and moved into a one-room apartment above a bowling alley.", "y": "that's it? that's the end of the story?"}, {"x": "no, no, of course not... he d*ed.", "y": "how does that help me? how does any of this help me? can somebody, for god's sakes, please give me one piece of useful advice?"}, {"x": "lily, control your woman. the lesson of blauman is that when your boss screams at you, you never scream back. that's why there's a little thing in corporate america i like to call the chain of screaming.", "y": "chain of screaming?"}, {"x": "it's a circle, ted, i called it a circle.", "y": "i don't scream at lily."}, {"x": "fine! you want it to be a chain of screaming, it's a chain of screaming. i came up with the circle idea halfway through, 'cause i thought it was a more elegant metaphor, but fine, ruin it! you guys always undermine me when i'm trying to make a point, and i'm sick of it! god, i'm surrounded by idiots! idiots! see, doesn't everyone feel better now?", "y": "lily, i need your take on this. what... what should i do?"}, {"x": "it's bad, guys. mama needs it bad.", "y": "you're right, baby, it's about respect. that is the first useful thing anyone's said to me tonight. can you give me that speech again?"}, {"x": "i'm gonna drive her home like a pack of...", "y": "no, the other part, please."}, {"x": "lily, didn't we just go through this with bathroom tiles?", "y": "shh, don't say my name. lily can't know it's me. just pretend you're talking to stella. be all lovey dovey."}, {"x": "hey, stella. sweetie, how's it going?", "y": "not good, not good at all."}, {"x": "where are you right now?", "y": "right downstairs, come find me. without lily."}, {"x": "okay, i'll see you soon.", "y": "i love you."}, {"x": "you hitting that?", "y": "i'm in trouble, ted. ted, i'm freakin' out, man."}, {"x": "um... it's a new car, so just be careful...", "y": "i did something stupid, can we just drive somewhere? i need to get away... just drive, man. please just drive."}, {"x": "it's just, this is a really good parking spot.", "y": "dude!"}, {"x": "look, just tell me what happened first.", "y": "remember how i said i was gonna give that big speech that lily told me to give, be firm but respectful? well, it didn't totally go that way."}, {"x": "there is a lot of ketchup on that burger. sorry, what happened?", "y": "after we all finished talking last night, i went to the diner to finish working on the ninja report."}, {"x": "hey, marshall.", "y": "how long have you been sitting there?"}, {"x": "if you go in there with lily's kindergarten nonsense, you're gonna get torn apart. i'm here to save your life. you hungry?", "y": "yeah, i was just about to order."}, {"x": "what do you want?", "y": "a sandwich and gravy fries."}, {"x": "very good.", "y": "no, i didn't want meatloaf."}, {"x": "marshall, the chain of screaming is a real thing. arthur screamed at you... now you have to scream at someone else.", "y": "no, i don't."}, {"x": "yes, you do, or else that anger is gonna eat you alive.", "y": "who would i even scream at?"}, {"x": "i don't know. how about somebody who's disappointed you? someone who's let you down. someone who's gonna bring you meatloaf when you explicitly ordered a sandwich and gravy fries.", "y": "no."}, {"x": "hey, i was just heading to the bar. what are you guys doing out here?", "y": "oh, i was just telling ted a story."}, {"x": "uh, it's delicious enough.", "y": "okay, so... then i say to barney..."}, {"x": "marshall.", "y": "excuse me?"}, {"x": "yes?", "y": "this is not what i ordered."}, {"x": "yes, it is.", "y": "i beg your pardon, sir, but i ordered a sandwich and gravy fries, and as the customer, i'm always right, so..."}, {"x": "it's case by case.", "y": "guys, i'm telling a life-altering story here!"}, {"x": "a 20% tip, really, for that waiter?", "y": "i don't know, barney, he worked a triple, it just..."}, {"x": "i can't believe it! if you're not gonna yell at the waiter, yell at me.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "yell at me.", "y": "i'm not gonna yell at you, barney."}, {"x": "what, you think you're gonna upset me? please, give me your best sh*t.", "y": "okay, fine... what, you want me to yell at you?"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "this is me yelling at you, barney."}, {"x": "i'm sorry, i couldn't hear you over the sound of a butterfly landing on a leaf about three blocks away.", "y": "this is me yelling at you, barney!"}, {"x": "okay, you got some volume, now give me some content. make it hurt.", "y": "you don't look as good in suits as you think you do!"}, {"x": "no, something that's true-- come on. the man made you cry. make me cry.", "y": "your mom's a slut!"}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "your mom's a slut, and i'm sorry, barney, but you and your brother clearly have different fathers, and you know why? it's probably because your mom is a slutty slut!"}, {"x": "keep going.", "y": "i don't care what you say. bob barker is not your father!"}, {"x": "okay, now, well, that's just not cool.", "y": "oh my god, barney, i'm so sorry..."}, {"x": "no, i'm kidding... keep going.", "y": "bob barker's not your father! you've concocted this delusional idea that a game show host is your real father, and he's not! you were abandoned, barney! you were abandoned, and you never dealt with it, and so now you never allow yourself to feel anything, and that's how you survive in this corporate world, and if i keep heading down this path, i'm gonna turn into you! and i don't want that! i don't want any of this! this is not why i became a lawyer. this is not the person that i wanted to be..."}, {"x": "well, thank you, eriksen, i needed to hear that.", "y": "really, 'cause i didn't mean to att*ck you personally, it's just that i..."}, {"x": "robin, you dropped a little ice cream...", "y": "dude!"}, {"x": "don't blame this on me, marshall. i told you to yell at someone beneath you. the circle of screaming is... the chain of scr... pyramid... the pyramid of screaming! the pyramid of screaming.", "y": "how am i supposed to tell lily? she supported me through three years of law school, and now is the time when i'm supposed to pay her back. now we're gonna lose the apartment. the place where we were gonna raise our children. how am i supposed to tell the person who i love more than anything in this world that i've just thrown away our future?"}, {"x": "ted, screaming never solves anything.", "y": "i'm so sorry. i just lost it. but i can fix it. first thing tomorrow, i'm gonna go in there on my hands and knees and beg for my job back."}, {"x": "no, you're not.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "marshall, our future isn't money or an apartment. and it's definitely not you being miserable at that horrible job. i'm just happy to have my husband back. we'll figure the rest out.", "y": "i love you."}, {"x": "tell me more. tell me more. like, did he have a car?", "y": "so he's the guy who... how shall i say this like a gentleman? robin, did he take your maple leaf?"}, {"x": "did you ride his zamboni?", "y": "wait, wait, wait. did he...? i think i'm out."}, {"x": "louise marsh?! that's a whore's name if i ever heard one.", "y": "yeah, why would he want to get back together with louise marsh?"}, {"x": "i did.", "y": "and now he's coming here? robin, why do you want to see this guy?"}, {"x": "he now works at a water slide park outside of ottawa.", "y": "point simon."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "ah. point robin. that's five-zip. there's no coming back from that."}, {"x": "so he's not a snob. he's from a different part of canada, you know? the maple leaf flag on the back of the pickup truck? he's red province. he's from the deep north.", "y": "the thing is, we gave you so many opportunities."}, {"x": "okay.", "y": "it's just... it was so hard to watch, robin. you're usually so cool."}, {"x": "oh, it's actually a common thing. when you're around someone from your past, you kind of revert back to who you were when you knew them. there's not really a name for it, though.", "y": "it's called \"revertigo.\""}, {"x": "yeah, i don't know about \"revertigo.\"", "y": "you know who gets really bad revertigo? lily when she around her high school friend, michelle."}, {"x": "no. what about lily and michelle?", "y": "oh, my friend, you are in for a treat. hey, lil?"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "you know, i was just thinking, we haven't seen your friend michelle in a while."}, {"x": "what... do they make out?", "y": "better."}, {"x": "comparable.", "y": "comparable."}, {"x": "oh, hell, no!", "y": "i think you're gonna enjoy this."}, {"x": "hey, a lot of puppies got adopted. of course, a lot of the people calling in thought we were going to k*ll them.", "y": "robin, your revertigo is really starting to affect your work."}, {"x": "it's a stupid, made-up word with no meaning.", "y": "no. it's a phenomenon where, when you're around people from your past, you start behaving like them."}, {"x": "oh. one example of that springs to mind. i think we all know what it is.", "y": "you do?"}, {"x": "no reason.", "y": "robin, the point is, what are you doing? i mean, this guy?"}, {"x": "this is my life! you guys just don't get it! you've never felt the way that i feel!", "y": "now, now. we were once young and in love, too."}, {"x": "hey, so, today at work...", "y": "not now, ted!"}, {"x": "oh. i know. whenever i'm around lily, she just brings out that side of me. there's a psychological term for the phenomenon.", "y": "revertigo?"}, {"x": "i... i... i'm... i'm...", "y": "although, i'm gonna be hitting it pretty soon."}, {"x": "yeah, you are.", "y": "yeah, and when i hit it, i'm going to go nuts."}, {"x": "stella! you have a serious girlfriend now! you're over this one. robin who, right? stella makes this one look like a filthy bag of gbabage, am i right? happy birthday, bro.", "y": "hello."}, {"x": "hey, marshall, i need your help.", "y": "yeah, i'm kind of real focused on the job hunt right now."}, {"x": "i know. i want to hire you.", "y": "for the last time, barney, i will not be your butler."}, {"x": "i need a lawyer. i'll pay you.", "y": "how much?"}, {"x": "a little.", "y": "i'll take it."}, {"x": "forget that. that's a tuesday for me. new shredder. this baby'll chew up a bicycle in 17 seconds. from sky mall. it's all from sky mall. whenever i get upset, i shop at sky mall. want a hot dog?", "y": "of course. why are you upset?"}, {"x": "marshall, i'm about to tell you a secret that you can't tell anyone-- not ted, not robin, not lily.", "y": "no. no, no, no, i don't want any more secrets, especially now that i know what you guys did to the drinking water in lisbon. i..."}, {"x": "you are hearing this secret, marshall. i... i slept... stop..stop doing that. i slept... i slept with robin.", "y": "you slept with robin?"}, {"x": "are you mad at me?", "y": "i don't know."}, {"x": "how's the hot dog?", "y": "it's helping. you slept with robin?! i... i cannot keep that secret. i mean, you know i at least have to tell lily."}, {"x": "you can't. you can't tell anyone. attorney-client privilege.", "y": "why are you doing this to me?!"}, {"x": "because i need you, marshall, as my lawyer, to prove that i didn't do anying wrong.", "y": "how can i help you as your lawyer? you didn't break any laws, did you? robin knows you slept with her, doesn't she?"}, {"x": "bro code article 34 \"bros cannot make eye contact during a devil's three-way.\" two dudes.", "y": "this is not a legal docume.. this is just something you wrote."}, {"x": "seconded.", "y": "listen, what do you want me for?"}, {"x": "i've just been losing my mind lately, and do you know why i feel so bad?", "y": "yeah, because you slept with robin."}, {"x": "no, that was awesome. i feel bad because the bro code clearly states \"no sex with your bro's ex.\" but if you, my lawyer,can find a loophole somewhere, then that bad feeling will go bye-bye.", "y": "and you would pay me for that?"}, {"x": "no, i'll just be the one shredding your paperwork. technically, you'll be paid by a toy factory in pyongyang.", "y": "barney, i'm no shrink, okay, but don't you see that this is just a desperate way for you to avoid an unpleasant confrontation with ted?"}, {"x": "hey. guess what your wife brought home.", "y": "attorney-client privilege.i can't talk about it."}, {"x": "talk about what?", "y": "nothing. how was your day? oh, goat turd on the floor,i see. is that new?"}, {"x": "barney told you.", "y": "i don't know what you're talking about,madam."}, {"x": "fantastic, you're here. give me the good news.", "y": "i'm sorry. you did too good of a job writing this thing. it's-it's iron-clad."}, {"x": "no! bad lawyer! i need a loophole! i want to feel better, marshall! i can't keep buying things! i have six self-cleaning litterboxes and i don't even have a kid. wait. how about this? ted's probably broken this thing himself, right? and if he's broken the bro code, then i'm off the hook.", "y": "i thought about that. and i gotta say, ted has upheld this thing time and time again. for example, article 87 \"a bro shall at all times say yes.\""}, {"x": "damn it, marshall. i'm not paying you to tell me what a saint ted is! you're my lawyer! the answer is in there! find it!", "y": "okay, this isn't about the bro code, and you know it. the reason that you're upset is because what you did was wrong. and the only way you're ever gonna feel any better about it is if you tell ted what you did."}, {"x": "what if he never wants to talk to me again?", "y": "well, i guess that's just a chance you're gonna have to take."}, {"x": "i was, uh, just going through some old stuff and i...", "y": "oh, crap!"}, {"x": "yeah. yeah. oh, hey, i just remembered, um, my mom is coming into town next month. maybe you'd like to nail her, too!", "y": "where are they?! i'm getting a cramp."}, {"x": "marshall, can we keep the goat?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "but she's so cute and furry and soft.", "y": "yeah, and she also sheds, eats out of the garbage and can't control her bobowels."}, {"x": "marshall!", "y": "i'm sorry! i couldn't take it anymore."}, {"x": "hot wax?", "y": "stop it."}, {"x": "did he tie you to anything?", "y": "that's enough. what's wrong with you?"}, {"x": "no.", "y": "i miss barney. i haven't \"high five\" with anyone like a week. i think i might be starting to lose my fist bone careless."}, {"x": "i think she wants to make sure we are serious first, that's why she hasn't introduced me to her daughter either. she wants to take things slow.", "y": "wait, so you haven't had sex since like thanksgiving. do you know how many big federal holidays have come and gone since then."}, {"x": "oh baby, do you remember martin luther king day?", "y": "yeah, i do. we ode that dude big time."}, {"x": "it's been five months for you too?", "y": "wow. stella hasn't had sex since 2003. let's just put this in context. the last time stella had sex, the movie, seabiscuit, had just galloped into the theaters... and our hearts."}, {"x": "five years! god, if i even went one year, i would be out on the street selling it for a nickel.", "y": "the last time stella had sex, the world was just learning about sars."}, {"x": "so, her sister's driving up to baby-sit lucy, and we're getting a hotel room in the city saturday night.", "y": "the last time stella had sex, the da vinci code had just come out."}, {"x": "well that's doesn't seem like that long ago.", "y": "not the movie, the book."}, {"x": "i don't know lily, after five years, her expectations have gotta be pretty high.", "y": "notable deaths in 2003... oh my god... nell carter. did you guys know that nell carter had d*ed?"}, {"x": "not nell carter... stella.", "y": "dude, relax, it's all about expectations management. do you know why i hated jerry maguire so much?"}, {"x": "because you're dead inside?", "y": "no, because you built it up for, like, two weeks, saying it was the greatest movie ever. with stella, do the opposite lower expectations."}, {"x": "right, right, and then no matter what happens, she'll be happy.", "y": "hey, buddy. i'm married, barney, i cannot be your new wingman."}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "hey. so, uh, looking forward to tonight?"}, {"x": "yeah. we heard. i would explode if it had been that long since i had a \"night out\".", "y": "this one wakes me up at 4am sometimes just to have a little night out."}, {"x": "you told them that i haven't had sex in five years.", "y": "you haven't had sex in five years??!! that is a shocking revelation that we're just finding out right now!"}, {"x": "a rainbow? sounds like that bitch had it coming.", "y": "so, uh, i just met with the contractor. and it turns out, that fixing the floors of the new apartment is going to cost a lot more than the estimate."}, {"x": "but we can barely afford that to begin with.", "y": "i hate to say this, but i think you're going to have to sell your stuff."}, {"x": "whoa! marshall, that's just a game we play in the bedroom.", "y": "i mean your clothes. all those designer pieces and everything."}, {"x": "what? why just my clothes?", "y": "we can sell my stuff, too, but i got to tell you, i think your marc jacobs cocktail dress is going to go for a lot more than my \"split happens\" bowling shirt."}, {"x": "dude.", "y": "i'm not selling that. i've already made the website."}, {"x": "you made a website?", "y": "yeah, it's called \"lily-and-marshall-sell- their-stuff-dot-com.\""}, {"x": "no, you know what would be a better name for the site? guy-forces-his-wife- to-dress-in-a-garbage-bag- for-the-next- three-years-dot-com. that's real.", "y": "i'm worried. that woman is actually wearing a-a garbage bag."}, {"x": "those are nice boots. i totally pull those off.", "y": "hey, lil, if i were to say \"ted could never pull them off,\" what would i be talking about?"}, {"x": "i totally pull them off! it's a classic western look.", "y": "oh, okay, uh, today's category classic westerns that involve red cowboy boots. ooh, ooh! robin."}, {"x": "\"the magnificent kevin.\"", "y": "\"no country for straight men.\""}, {"x": "oh, i know, sweetie. come here. is this a hundred percent silk?", "y": "lily,listen, we really need the money. i have some leads on a job, but until then, i just... i don't know what else we can do."}, {"x": "i'll sell my paintings!", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "yeah, i'll sell my paintings. good oil paintings go for like, $500.", "y": "yeah. totally. but..."}, {"x": "what does that mean?", "y": "look, it just, it just means that-that we need money right now and i'm not sure that selling your paintings is-is how we're going to get it."}, {"x": "you don't believe in me.", "y": "no, wait, wait! of c... of course i believe in you!"}, {"x": "marshall, i am proud of my work as an artist. my paintings are good. i bet robin would buy one. what now?", "y": "i love your painting, i just... i'm trying to be realistic."}, {"x": "well, how much money do we need for the contractor to finish the job?", "y": "about 1,500 bucks."}, {"x": "okay. so, if i can sell three of my paintings at 500 bucks a pop, then i get to keep all my clothes.", "y": "babe, we need money fast."}, {"x": "well, give me a week.", "y": "okay, a-a week."}, {"x": "fine.", "y": "fine."}, {"x": "500 bucks! who's a real painter now, marshall?", "y": "honey, i never said you weren't a real painter."}, {"x": "oh, i know, sweetie. and since i'm a professional artist now, i'm going to sketch you an aldrin original, you know, to say thanks for being such a supportive husband. i'm thinking about calling it... \"suck it!\"", "y": "lily, come on. i'm proud of you. who-who bought it?"}, {"x": "it's still in the family.", "y": "lily, you're not going to believe this. something amazing happened."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "i went to the g-cwok's apartment."}, {"x": "really? why?", "y": "because i felt guilty. this auction was my idea and now you've had to sit around all day while a bunch of vultures ruthlessly pick apart the carcass of your wardrobe."}, {"x": "it's still in the family.", "y": "and more importantly, i honestly love that painting and i couldn't stand to think of it in a trashcan someplace."}, {"x": "well, hello.", "y": "hi, um... lawrence. i-i'm here about the painting my wife lily solyou-- the one in the nice frame."}, {"x": "yeah, we get it. gay guys like you.", "y": "no, lily, they love me, but that's not the important part."}, {"x": "the painting!", "y": "right, so, um, they told me they threw it in the building's dumpster."}, {"x": "dr. greer? who's dr. greer a-and why did he take my painting?", "y": "you're about to find out."}, {"x": "yeah. but you know who it bums out? birds. yeah. had a parrot in there today. he took one look at it, pried open his cage, flew right into the ceiling fan.", "y": "anyway, because your first painting worked so well, i convinced dr. greer to buy four more."}, {"x": "really?", "y": "mm-hmm, at $500 a piece."}, {"x": "that's two grand. that's more than we need for the contractor.", "y": "yeah, but i was actually thinking we could reinvest it."}, {"x": "in what?", "y": "in you."}, {"x": "well, it's not exactly the clientele i had in mind, but... thank you for believing in me.", "y": "man, birds do not get you."}, {"x": "i think i'm in love with robin.", "y": "hey, lily needs some gift ideas for stella's wedding shower. does she like to cook?"}, {"x": "actually, i don't know.", "y": "what's her favorite color?"}, {"x": "don't know that either.", "y": "well, does she have any hobbies?"}, {"x": "yes. she's exactly the kind of person who would have hobbies. and interests, too. i am one lucky son of a bitch.", "y": "dude, you don't know anything about the woman you're marrying."}, {"x": "what? you're crazy! i know plenty.", "y": "what color are her eyes?"}, {"x": "the color of the ocean after a storm.", "y": "which is?"}, {"x": "okay, so i don't know every single detail about stella. what's really about? do you not like her or something?", "y": "no, ted, i like stella a lot. she's a mets fan."}, {"x": "really?", "y": "it's just that everything with you has moved so fast. you've only known each other a few months. don't you think maybe you should slow things down a little bit? get to know each other better?"}, {"x": "rhinoceros.", "y": "we have to go."}, {"x": "you know, i've actually never seen star wars.", "y": "she's never seen star wars?! ted, the only people in the universe who haven't seen star wars are the characters, and that's 'cause they lived them. that's 'cause they lived thestar wars."}, {"x": "you've got to calm down.", "y": "i told you. you didn't know this girl well enough. what if... you show it to her, she doesn't like it?"}, {"x": "dude, it's just a movie.", "y": "star wars is your all-time favorite movie, and whether or not stella likes it is actually important. it's like, it's a test of how compatible you guys are."}, {"x": "if stella doesn't like this movie, i can't marry her.", "y": "you can't."}, {"x": "you want to watch it again?", "y": "i do."}, {"x": "oh, my god. marshall appears behind the couch.", "y": "off to a bad start."}, {"x": "what are you doing down there?", "y": "i'm making sure my best friend is marrying the right woman. that's what i'm doing."}, {"x": "what are you doing, hiding behind the couch? you need to get a job.", "y": "i really do, don't i?"}, {"x": "wait, it's really important to you that i like this movie, isn't it? i'm not gonna like it with you staring at me the whole time. go to your room and i will come get you when it's over. go.", "y": "should i leave, too?"}, {"x": "i promise.", "y": "she's up to the scene where luke, leia, han and chewy escape from the death star's trash compactor."}, {"x": "great scene.", "y": "great scene! okay, we should have just heard... but stella didn't make a peep."}, {"x": "i'm gonna take a look. she's not even watching. she's texting.", "y": "i'll tell her you still want to be friends."}, {"x": "it was so good.", "y": "you hated it, didn't you?"}, {"x": "it's so stupid. first of all, how do they understand that walking bear they hang around with all the time?", "y": "wookiee."}, {"x": "he goes nin nin nin... they're all like, \"that's a good point, bear, \"let's try that.\"", "y": "he's a wookiee, and his kind is actually more intelligent than they appear. that is ted's favorite movie of all time. he watches it when he's home sick with the flu. he watches it on rainy sunday afternoons in the fall. he watches it on christmas eve. ted watches star wars in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. do you really think that you can pretend to like a movie that you actually hate for the rest of your life?"}, {"x": "i do.", "y": "then, ted's a lucky guy. bear."}, {"x": "barney, marshall didn't quit his last soul-sucking corporate job just to go work at a bank. he's gonna be an environmental lawyer.", "y": "you are confident, you are energetic, you are focused!"}, {"x": "yeah, i'm freaking starving. i just finished a seven-day cleanse.", "y": "i thought you started that yesterday."}, {"x": "i love this burger so much, i want to sew my ass shut.", "y": "it's okay."}, {"x": "are you kidding me?", "y": "guys, guys, guys. when you've had the best burger in ny, every other burger tastes like my grandpa's feet. but you guys eat up, enjoy my grandpa's feet."}, {"x": "and you've had the best burger in new york?", "y": "it was eight years ago, my first week in new york, and for a kid from minnesota, the big city was a scary place."}, {"x": "you are being ridiculous. tell me, you left the apartment today?", "y": "why would i have to leave? i can have anything i want delivered, and new york city cable is awesome. have you seen this public access show with the old jewish lady in a bikini? it's disgusting."}, {"x": "marshall, you have to get over this paranoia. you are not gonna get mugged.", "y": "what if i do, ted. i don't have a switchblade. i don't know how to break-dance and win the begrudging respect of a street g*ng."}, {"x": "that's it, you're taking a walk. come on, go.", "y": "no. look, the old lady in a bikini is back on. i'm just gonna lie back and get comfortable."}, {"x": "go outside, go, go.", "y": "okay."}, {"x": "leave the bat.", "y": "fine."}, {"x": "your search is over!", "y": "and then, right when i started to get a little hungry, i turned a corner..."}, {"x": "name two places where things get stuffed.", "y": "so, i went inside."}, {"x": "oh, my god. i'm so sorry. are you okay?", "y": "i'm all right. ted, i've just had the most amazing burger of my life! it's this awesome little place, regis philbin eats there, so it's sort of like a celebrity hot spot. but the burger. the burger. dude."}, {"x": "i want one of those burgers right now! do you think they're still open?", "y": "i don't know. does stuff in new york stay open past... 930?"}, {"x": "so we went out to get another burger. but after hours of searching...", "y": "damn it! where is this place?"}, {"x": "we didn't know our way around. just getting back to the apartment took us three hours and one very helpful drag queen.", "y": "wait, penny noir was a drag queen?"}, {"x": "you know what's not a drag? getting a home equity loan at goliath national bank. i'm just saying.", "y": "anyways, we never found the place. now, eight years have passed, still... no burger."}, {"x": "i couldn't help but overhear.", "y": "okay, here we go."}, {"x": "i know the place you're talking about.", "y": "no, you don't."}, {"x": "it's a place called the corner bistro. greatburger.", "y": "oh, the corner bistro! it's amazing, i spent a quarter of my life searching for the best burger in new york city, but silly me, it never occurred to me to check the highest-rated burger in the zagat guide. wow, thanks a lot, guy. let me return the favor. great cup of coffee starbucks."}, {"x": "so i take it you've tried the corner bistro.", "y": "robin, i've tried every so-called best burger in new york city trying to find that burger. or at least forget about her."}, {"x": "get this. you know who works out at my gym? regis philbin.", "y": "the autographed picture."}, {"x": "of course i remember the place. it was the best burger i ever had. i still have dreams about this burger. beautiful, haunting dreams! i wake up at night screaming, \"get out of my head, burger! get out!\"", "y": "that's the one, mr. philbin. do you remember where it is?"}, {"x": "no! i never wrote it down. but not a day goes by that i don't regret it. why? why? do you know where it is?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "let's go, all of you!", "y": "that's where my story ends. now i'm doomed to walk the earth forever searching for that green door and that red neon sign that says \"burger.\""}, {"x": "green door, red neon sign that says \"burger?\"", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "i know that place. i've walked by it a million times. it's on west 12th, right off of 7th.", "y": "i knew it was on a numbered street!"}, {"x": "finally.", "y": "no! robin! if any of us is gonna eat a burger tonight, it's gonna be the best burger in new york. we're going downtown! he throws away the burger."}, {"x": "no...", "y": "i cannot believe we're finally gonna have this burger"}, {"x": "now, kathy, your last flip was heads. the one before that was tails. you polled the audience; they came out split, 50/50. no help at all there. so, for $258,000... i have to ask you, kathy, what's it gonna be heads...or... excuse me. oh, boy. i've got to go. i've got to go!", "y": "green door, red neon sign. guys, this is the place. i've actually, i prepared a few words."}, {"x": "i will eat your hand.", "y": "let's just go inside then. shall we?"}, {"x": "i want... to take this burger out to dinner, then maybe a movie, then take it back to my place, put on a little terence trent d'arby, and then i would just... fool around a little bit. nothing serious, just take it slow, you know?", "y": "this isn't it."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "it's not it."}, {"x": "i mean, it is just a burger.", "y": "just a burger? it's so much more than just a burger. i mean, that first bite... oh, what heaven that first bite is. the bun, like a sesame-freckled breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard below. flavors mingling in a seductive \"pas de deux\". and then... a pickle the most... playful... little pickle, and then a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce, and a... a patty... of ground beef, so... exquisite...swirling in your mouth, breaking apart and combining again in a fugue of sweets and savories so... delightful. this is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread. this is god... speaking to us through food."}, {"x": "and you got our wedding vows off the internet.", "y": "okay, look, so, so this, this isn't the place. all right, it's no big deal. it's another place with a green door and a red neon sign that says \"burger\". i'll just... i'll call every restaurant in manhattan and ask 'em what colour their door is. no big deal, right? let's do this."}, {"x": "hey, baby.", "y": "hey!"}, {"x": "did you put on pants today?", "y": "nope. they laugh."}, {"x": "okay, no onions.", "y": "stop the cab!"}, {"x": "your search is over. we got girls taking off their clothes.", "y": "this is it."}, {"x": "one of 9,000 convenient locations.", "y": "it was ri... it was right here. it was... it was right on this very spot."}, {"x": "tell me what? tell me what?", "y": "i got a job."}, {"x": "what? where?", "y": "goliath national bank. that's why barney's been going on and on about how, how great goliath is. he wanted you to be excited for me since we will to working together."}, {"x": "but you want to be an environmental lawyer.", "y": "yeah and i also want to be a harlem globetrotter and get paid in candy, but in the meantime, i need a job, and this is, this is a really good one. it's great pay and there's good benefits, and to be honest, it gives me a reason to put on pants in the morning. you know, i have my whole life to save the planet, but right now i'm kind of really excited to wear pants again."}, {"x": "you've got great pants.", "y": "i love you."}, {"x": "i'm sorry you didn't get your burger.", "y": "it's stupid. i think about that first week in new york. you know? i was 22 years old. i had my whole future ahead of me. i guess i just kind of thought that if i could have that burger one more time and feel that way for one more night, that i might be able to check that off the list, and grow up, go work for the stupid bank, and just... be happy."}, {"x": "a hundred bucks? that's crazy.", "y": "let's pay the man."}, {"x": "i have any cash.", "y": "i haven't worked since march."}, {"x": "if only there were an easy, convenient way to get some cash right now.", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "all right, marshall, remember. it might not taste as good. this place has changed, you've changed, new york has changed. just... don't get your hopes up too high, okay?", "y": "this is it."}, {"x": "yes!", "y": "it's exactly the same. it's the best burger in new york. go ahead, eat up, eat up."}, {"x": "barney's crazy if he thinks it'll work.", "y": "i think it'll work."}, {"x": "i could take 20 minutes, but a friend called me in tears.", "y": "moving is very moving."}, {"x": "there is not enough drinks in the world that i drop my scourge.", "y": "as you will not get bail, i thought you could pay me half."}, {"x": "wait, why i pay more?", "y": "because you've treated this apart as john bonham treated his nervous system."}, {"x": "that's not true.", "y": "proof a."}, {"x": "an encyclopedia \"world book\" of 1986. it is with these that i grew up.", "y": "encyclopedia?"}, {"x": "do you think we should say-die encyclo-pil. it's a common mistake. but if you look at the direction of the bar on the \"e\". the symbol of this encyclopedia, you'll know it is a diacritic which aims to change...", "y": "you're also responsible for damage to robin when she was your girlfriend."}, {"x": "what damage did i do?", "y": "do you remember the time you got drunk the pack of beer and you've become super canadian?"}, {"x": "stanley cup game six? the rangers will regret having met with the canucks.", "y": "$ 20 if you manage to run it through the door."}, {"x": "girls, stop!", "y": "for america."}, {"x": "yes, what a moment of incredible human sincerity.", "y": "it's true. we live."}, {"x": "yes, it's been two weeks.", "y": "two wonderful weeks... and oh yes, i will continue to wear it."}, {"x": "about the hat.", "y": "i control. i can remove it whenever i want."}, {"x": "it's weird. by removing the closet, i thought i saw the banner.", "y": "and?"}, {"x": "that was why? the sandals? hair products?", "y": "no stella."}, {"x": "my god, it was for stella.", "y": "i just said \"no stella.\" it was perhaps for your hearing problems."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "it's getting serious. you see?"}, {"x": "you think i should not marry stella. you think i should not marry.", "y": "we want him. we are all really happy for you."}, {"x": "please. \"i can not remain impassive while you make the biggest mistake a man can do... get married. keep my words, it will all part... \"flames! oh, sh*t! i sent the flame too soon. i had so many important things to say, and... the fact is, ted, marriage is stupid. each year there are a million girls aged 22, sexy, who go to bars and call me, \"glass half full\", but i think they become beasts.", "y": "even you, you will meet more girls in 22 years when you get 80."}, {"x": "i meet this challenge.", "y": "what challenge?"}, {"x": "prove that i will be just as great at 80. i'll go out with a girl of 22 years with my old man makeup.", "y": "i did not challenge. i would love to see it, but i've not challenged."}, {"x": "i have not written. i am your ex. i told myself that everything i say is offensive. in addition, i am sexier it, so who cares?", "y": "water has flowed under the bridge..."}, {"x": "come on.", "y": "\"dear ted, stella seems to be wonderful. but you do not know enough to get married. you do not know probably not enough to get involved in raising a child with her. you do not restore her service or her child or yourself by throwing yourself like that. just take a little longer. \" it was there for months, ok?that was before we know stella and that way as she's great and what you train super torque. that's why we decided to not make this statement."}, {"x": "thank you. because i really need you to handle it.", "y": "and we're here."}, {"x": "but you score a point. it all happened very quickly.", "y": "you know what? this may be because... when it's good, you know."}, {"x": "i guess, but we are still at the stage where one seeks to know himself. and lily, you may be right. stella will not like my stuff. as the robot pot cake. this is the first thing we bought here, remember?", "y": "of course it does. my sensors indicate that your shortbread levels are dangerously low."}, {"x": "ted going bonkers. the movers arrive in 10 hours. his bride awaits in new jersey. we must do something.", "y": "i'm on it. hey, man?"}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "come here a minute."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "know that this is quite normal. the major change can be frightening, and fear... it is one of them. so... why not you give me the kn*fe? give it to me. go. that way i can unpack too. i will stay with you forever! we had a nice life here.that's why we rejected the package. because unconsciously, we all know that it would be stupid to leave. it's safe and warm here. there is a downstairs bar, a robot cookie in the kitchen.this is my house and i never leave!"}, {"x": "listen up! you sound like that big beta colo. \"mom, dad, i want to go. cool boys play hide and seek with my inhaler. \"", "y": "i can not believe my father had read this letter at our wedding."}, {"x": "oh, honey.", "y": "everybody says it's good to change, right? but it's what's good?"}, {"x": "i think someone owes me $ 200.", "y": "barney, it was not a gamble. person..."}, {"x": "in an instant my child.", "y": "okay, it matters not."}, {"x": "it's smoky, with hints of cedar and old... you see the difference between that and tape for $ 10?", "y": "not at all."}, {"x": "so if we continued the evening up there?", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "bluntly."}, {"x": "\"the collective namaste yoga and meditation.\"", "y": "i know about you, but i will not namaster here too long."}, {"x": "in the center, we have a strict anti-alcohol.", "y": "super, meals included, right?"}, {"x": "i need alcohol. i'm not gonna do that stuff with robin.look at that. berry cocktail, conditioner meninges. i dream, these drinks could make a girl smarter. what hell ted brought us?", "y": "there's no meat."}, {"x": "there's no alcohol.", "y": "even worse, i'm 90% sure that this kind in which you spoke was the lead singer of spin doctors."}, {"x": "what should i do?", "y": "i know. i understand something is \"no ex\". why would we want that history failed to come see one successful?it's like inviting the seattle mariners world series. it's embarrassing for everyone."}, {"x": "dude, robin has to be there.", "y": "it should not come."}, {"x": "i will not tell him to come.", "y": "it's the right decision."}, {"x": "the brides are very stressed before a wedding. well, of course, i was under control.", "y": "do not you remember?"}, {"x": "i watch this young man dancing near the jukebox, and i can not help thinking... stella may have made the right choice. ouch!", "y": "how can he dance here? he should be trying to smash the car with a club of stella."}, {"x": "girls, i'm fine.", "y": "dude, you make some?"}, {"x": "oh, the farm. i'm sorry, is that you have experienced something traumatic, and we try to be there for you, but do not you leave us, and it irritates us, selfish little whore. sorry.", "y": "we are concerned that you faced not what happened with stella. do you remember when lily left me? how i buried my emotions?"}, {"x": "yeah man, you've been a rock.", "y": "i should have been worse, ok? i should have my nerves, follow your advice and burn cases lily."}, {"x": "super. thank you, ted.", "y": "i have not done it, and that's why i took so long to get better. so ted, i want you explode. release your rage.ready? now!"}, {"x": "you can not live like this.", "y": "it leaves you on the altar, and it's you who're avoiding?"}, {"x": "yes, i avoid it. what is the problem? it goes like this.", "y": "it's that \"one\" small dicks?"}, {"x": "i remember.", "y": "oh, you laugh."}, {"x": "no, i'm going home.", "y": "she took to win."}, {"x": "where may well be nuts ted? you should check the garage in the grip of stella.", "y": "will the yelling."}, {"x": "thank you. you have a daily special?", "y": "ted, this is ridiculous."}, {"x": "you see? are you afraid of becca. lily is afraid of gazeur. are still under the table.", "y": "we do not need. stella is a party."}, {"x": "oh, my god. that's it, and that's it, the style ohio. the problem manifested itself. it has been avoided. it is a party.here you can dine in peace...", "y": "it comes back. we all think that you need... wait, where is barney? we think you should talk to him."}, {"x": "not me.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "my poor. being forced to grow up in canada with america, right next door.", "y": "it's sad for your father, robin, but congratulations for this game."}, {"x": "it has returned to you.", "y": "sorry."}, {"x": "i see. it is two taxis right front. not lose it, ok?", "y": "well, well you do. you're going to confront it."}, {"x": "you can fly it into the lamp? fasten your seat belts!not you, ted.", "y": "you have to get angry. go ahead. looking good."}, {"x": "come on. there is no question of moving his arms, stomping feet and get angry. this is stella and i finally communicating. clearly, it was...", "y": "stella hated star wars. she lied to you. seeking your feelings. you know it's true."}, {"x": "maybe she goes to his office.", "y": "no."}, {"x": "if she goes to her, why you go to...? oh, my god. tony lives in the city center. \"at home\" is tony's apartment. she would move in with me in new jersey and moved to town, tony? the bitch!", "y": "finally. finally, my friend."}, {"x": "i have the balls too!", "y": "i know and i love it! it's great! sir, we will pay gladly handle that has been broken. i love ted angry!"}, {"x": "me too!", "y": "lets get out, man, let out."}, {"x": "that's it. that's it!", "y": "yes, ted. come on, buddy!"}, {"x": "ok, wait. wait...", "y": "what are you doing?"}, {"x": "wait. listen, ted, it's great that you're angry...", "y": "sure."}, {"x": "okay. this is what i say.", "y": "it kills!"}, {"x": "a max.", "y": "barney, they are canon."}, {"x": "look at it carefully. individually.", "y": "i know. the last one is kinda cute."}, {"x": "no part of barney stinson does not run at less than 110%. if one of my michael phelps escaped, he swims for gold. it's a nightmare. i want no children. how can want to have children without being mad?", "y": "you have not lost a sock, little guy? this is probably the cutest little thing i've ever seen."}, {"x": "so if you have a baby, you think you can work less?", "y": "no matter, it will be so cute, i'm going to exhaust the first day."}, {"x": "and for the money? it has a ton of debt.", "y": "we count the unpaid bills on her pretty little fingers.let's make a baby."}, {"x": "push yourself. i recorded the view. this problem and was unemployed and sleeping on the couch.", "y": "so, robin, when you're in for the job and apartment?"}, {"x": "robin, would you mind not sleeping with ted tomorrow night? i... prepares a special dinner for marshall.", "y": "just a dinner. that's it. nothing else."}, {"x": "okay, but you better not be as they stuck together when i cans on the roof. \"my ears. the neighbors called the cops.you almost hit me. \"", "y": "enjoy it. it is a good time."}, {"x": "good news! i'm not a father!", "y": "congratulations, buddy."}, {"x": "this is the best time of my life, marshall. what i feel in having no children? i have never thought something like it as much. that's why i created a public holiday. now, today is \"day of non-fathers.\"", "y": "you create a holiday?"}, {"x": "why not? everyone has one mothers, fathers, soldiers. why not a day for singles who like it?", "y": "it looks like a big day of valentine's day."}, {"x": "ready for tonight, eriksen? big merger.", "y": "that's between me and my wife, sir."}, {"x": "the meeting with mr. li tonight.", "y": "i thought it was a lunch."}, {"x": "marshall?", "y": "baby. it's lunchtime in china."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "it's not a euphemism. listen... wait, what does that mean?"}, {"x": "the no-fathers day is a success! laraby finklestein and help me celebrate. matt. mugs \"best non-father of the world.\" there... t-shirts \"who is your daddy? \"available on fetedesnonperes.com. looking greeting cards.", "y": "\"for everything you do for your pear, for all the tape on your desk, on the road darkens your porsche carrera, i wish you... a night of threesome. happy birthday non-fathers. \""}, {"x": "look at the illustration.", "y": "it looks like an asian hooker."}, {"x": "and do not forget...", "y": "pub with baby talk?"}, {"x": "put a baby in me, marshall. i'm ready.", "y": "what are you doing here?"}, {"x": "i'm ready. this is the big night. removing your seed melon-headed in my belly.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "that's why i have no children. we can not even taking his eyes for a second.", "y": "i can not find my file."}, {"x": "what has he, eriksen?", "y": "nothing. i think you are... very beautiful today."}, {"x": "what are you looking?", "y": "i look at the future... of our two companies and it seems very... naked. will you excuse me one second?"}, {"x": "i'm bored. come and dance. come fly a liquor store!", "y": "we're going nowhere. each time we go out when you're drunk, you always fall asleep when you enter the..."}, {"x": "good night.", "y": "i smell pancakes with chocolate?"}, {"x": "no, you feel \"pancake, i'm sorry for being such a stupid drunk\" chocolate.", "y": "there's no \"i wish not to throw up on you\" bacon?"}, {"x": "of course.", "y": "baby..."}, {"x": "i blame myself for last night. i was really painful. i just panicked at the thought of whether we are ready to parent. but you are so well taken care of me. i know you're gonna be a good father.", "y": "i want to be a father now."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "last night, it was just... i share between work and drunk baby lily, it was too. i just begin with this job, i work long hours... i love you. and i really want to have children one day.i just want... i want to be ready for that."}, {"x": "me too. when we're ready, i know you'll be fantastic.", "y": "you too."}, {"x": "you wanna make love, by protecting themselves now?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "you want to finish your bacon first?", "y": "you're the perfect woman."}, {"x": "this is where the story gets really good. so it goes...", "y": "hi."}, {"x": "... place. and then this... guy talking about this thing with the stuff of which i spoke the other day about this place.well, anyway... it happened.", "y": "my god. you and the guy the mayor's office did it to the un under the office of ambassador of zaire? cool."}, {"x": "ok, but i want to stay too late because... do you remember... this thing last month after going there? you know who said it was going, but she gave me tips.", "y": "you always mycoses?"}, {"x": "i want to take this moment.", "y": "which one?"}, {"x": "i know. \"we're swedish. it's so cool with our baguettes and our eiffel tower. \"", "y": "sweden, this is not france. you know that?"}, {"x": "it's not the best. we three, we'll work together.", "y": "ted will come to call."}, {"x": "marshall, the teleconference begins soon.", "y": "sorry, i gotta go."}, {"x": "and then you go up on the roof... and drink beer.", "y": "it's great. drinking at work."}, {"x": "basically, it is of \"mad men.\"", "y": "yes! there is too much \"mad men\"!"}, {"x": "i'll spank a secretary.", "y": "that's exactly what they would do in this series."}, {"x": "and then you throw the bodies of cans at pigeons.", "y": "i do not do that."}, {"x": "it's really bad. after the way the last few months have passed... i guess i'd need more than i thought.", "y": "you want to go to the current gnb building and just... i dunno, just a little pee on it?"}, {"x": "it's okay. all withdrawals at atms are free.", "y": "teleconference. now."}, {"x": "good grief. i told heather to put everything back as it was on your desk.", "y": "bilson told me he wanted to give the job to ted.what has happened?"}, {"x": "there is a striptease club in the letter \"n\".", "y": "what is your problem? this is the big break of ted!you have betrayed to work in the brain of a tyrannosaurus, which, incidentally, if you knew the dinosaurs is very, very small."}, {"x": "it's not my office. the building was well ted. that of sven was better. and i will not let the fact that i am the best friend of ted influence business.", "y": "you have not chosen one of sven because he was better. you wanted an office dinosaur."}, {"x": "it's a lie! i chose it because it... he breathes fire, marshall.", "y": "\"fire marshall\"."}, {"x": "i have not even paid attention.", "y": "how could you do that to ted after all that happened with stella? you are an egoist."}, {"x": "i never made a career choice by selfishness. i am a professional. go. spend a good day, drunk, and throw the bodies of the pigeons.", "y": "no. for two reasons. a, pigeons are smarter than you think. they are resentful. and two, it's our last conference call, mr. stinson. there are repercussions to ride a friend."}, {"x": "like what?", "y": "because, that."}, {"x": "and you, mine. and i promise to dedicate ourselves more time. marshall did not need to paste something from being done.", "y": "you have tested those purple sh*ts in test tubes? i took five. i believe that there is no alcohol in it."}, {"x": "where did you get that hat?", "y": "what hat?"}, {"x": "your plans were the best and you deserve it. you should know one thing that you did not get the job early. you see, ted...", "y": "it was bilson. bilson wanted to have a head office in the dinosaur, barney convinced him that it was really, really stupid."}, {"x": "why you helped me?", "y": "you did the right thing. you got a well deserved boost. and then it would have disappointed ted, and it is finally... very happy for the moment."}, {"x": "half the length of the relationship.", "y": "one week for every month you were together."}, {"x": "two out of three times. guaranteed.", "y": "no way!"}, {"x": "yeah, she might kick his ass first.", "y": "yeah, she might get her g*n and sh**t him."}, {"x": "it worked.", "y": "mr. wang\u2019s is back in business?"}, {"x": "what can i say? i went in there, and he was naked. it was funny. i laughed, he laughed. and then it just kinda happened. i don\u2019t know.", "y": "i call \u201cslut\u201d!"}, {"x": "excuse me?", "y": "i\u2019m sorry, robin, but you hooking up with this guy makes it seem like the only thing standing between you and sex is clothes."}, {"x": "i didn\u2019t just sleep with mitch because he was naked.", "y": "then why did you sleep with him?"}, {"x": "because... he... he... because i care, about mitch. a lot. there was a... connection of specialness. of specialness and feelings.", "y": "it was because he was naked. and i\u2019m sorry, but i don\u2019t approve. there is only one reason to sleep with someone, and that is \"love\"."}, {"x": "marshall, i love you, but there\u2019s lots of reasons to have sex.", "y": "name one."}, {"x": "i can name 50.", "y": "no, you can\u2019t."}, {"x": "hey, marshall, wanna do it?", "y": "i'm up."}, {"x": "you\u2019re the one who said, \"that shadow on the ceiling looks like a scary toothless clown. good night, lily.\u201d", "y": "fine! that\u2019s one. but i defy you to name\u2026"}, {"x": "oh, you mean \u201cbanging-for-roof\u201d.", "y": "slut!"}, {"x": "i don\u2019t do it. my college roommate did it.", "y": "oh. no, no, robin, i just have a bad cough.  i don\u2019t really have a bad cough. we all know college roommate means you, slut! does anyone have a lozenge?"}, {"x": "ok. four more to go! oh, you dropped a cheeto on his lap, and when you reached for it, he thought you were making a move, so you just went with it.", "y": "well, thank you for ruining the memory of our six-month anniversary!"}, {"x": "you got me cheetos.", "y": "look, can we just stop with this stupid list, okay? you guys are making me sad."}, {"x": "no, i\u2019m having fun. man, this whole one-partner thing sucks sometimes. i\u2019m always talking about you. i can\u2019t play \u201ci never\u201d because then everyone would know all the weird stuff i let you do to me.", "y": "the only weird thing i ever did to you was open up my heart and soul, when all i had to do was strip naked while you were out of the room."}, {"x": "i didn\u2019t sleep with mitch because he was naked. mitch and i have something special. i mean, fingers crossed, guys. he may be the one.", "y": "the one? mitch? the naked man?"}, {"x": "i'm stuck. i can\u2019t think of the last two.", "y": "reason number 48 \"to reinforce good behavior, such as shaving or dental hygiene.\" oh, now you\u2019re conditioning me? great! that explains why i always get an erection when i floss."}, {"x": "the naked man works! i just had decent sex with an awful human being. i am back!", "y": "congratulations, buddy."}, {"x": "you're not the only one who rocked the naked man tonight.", "y": "you just wanna do it to change the subject."}, {"x": "yeah. hey, that\u2019s number 49. did it work?", "y": "it\u2019s like i just flossed."}, {"x": "i love you.", "y": "that\u2019s 50."}, {"x": "i went with \u201ci\u2019ve got boobs.\u201d", "y": "and she nailed it."}, {"x": "ted, his name is mitch. and... he\u2019s my boyfriend. so\u2026", "y": "it\u2019s okay, robin. i no longer call slut."}, {"x": "oh!", "y": "oh! we should see how barney did."}, {"x": "hello?", "y": "hi, is barney there?"}, {"x": "half the time the relationship.", "y": "one week per month spent together."}, {"x": "two out of three. guaranteed.", "y": "no december '."}, {"x": "she'll b*at him up, yes.", "y": "it's going to take his g*n and sh**t him."}, {"x": "it worked.", "y": "the business returns for mr. popol."}, {"x": "how do you say? i entered and he was naked. it was funny. i laughed, he laughed. and then it happened. i know not.", "y": "i say ***** s!"}, {"x": "sorry?", "y": "sorry robin, but cate with this type suggests that all that separates you from sex, it's the clothes."}, {"x": "i have not slept with mitch because he was naked.", "y": "so, why did you lie?"}, {"x": "because... it... it... because i like mitch. much. there was a... connection specificity. specificity and feelings.", "y": "because he was naked. sorry, but i disagree. there is only one reason to sleep with someone, and it is \"love\".marshall is a big girl because he believes in love and read \"and it was true\" because the secretaries were forced to join the oprah book club. but you know i'm right."}, {"x": "marshall, i love you, but there are plenty of reasons to lie.", "y": "cite me one."}, {"x": "i will quote 50.", "y": "you could not."}, {"x": "marshall, you wanna do?", "y": "i'm here."}, {"x": "it was you who said, \"this shadow on the ceiling, it looks an awful clown toothless. good night, lily. \"", "y": "okay! it makes one. but i dare you to..."}, {"x": "oh, that, \"the kiss for a roof.\"", "y": "***** s!"}, {"x": "i do not. my roommate in college did.", "y": "no, robin, it's just a bad cough. i'm not really a bad cough. we all know that the \"roommate in college,\" it's you, ***** s! nobody has a strepsil?"}, {"x": "still 4. \"you make a crisp fall on his knees and the when you picked up, he thinks it is an approach, and it happens.\"", "y": "thanks for ruining the memory of the anniversary of our six months."}, {"x": "you gave me some chips.", "y": "you can stop with this stupid list? you make me sad."}, {"x": "no, i have fun. but this thing of a \"partner\", it sucks sometimes. i always talk about you. i can not play \"i never,\" because everyone knows all the quirks that i let you do.", "y": "the only oddity that i did was to open my heart and my soul when i had put me to hair when the room was empty."}, {"x": "i have not slept with mitch because he was naked!mitch and i have something special. my fingers are crossed.that may be correct.", "y": "the good? mitch? the guy naked?"}, {"x": "i'm stuck. i find it the last 2.", "y": "reason 48 \"to reinforce good behavior, such as shaving or dental hygiene.\" now you conditioned me? great!that's why i have an erection when i go floss."}, {"x": "\"the naked guy\" works! i just sleep with a horrible person. i'm back!", "y": "congratulations, buddy."}, {"x": "you're not the only one who provided e \"dude-haired.\"", "y": "you just want to do to change the subject."}, {"x": "hey, it's 49! it worked?", "y": "as if i had just flossing."}, {"x": "i love you.", "y": "it's been 50."}, {"x": "it's \"i have breasts.\"", "y": "right on target."}, {"x": "ted, his name is mitch. and... this is my boyfriend. so...", "y": "okay, i'll treat you more ***** s."}, {"x": "wait, mitch, i have to thank you. we all tried \"the guy naked,\" tonight.", "y": "we should see what is barney."}, {"x": "hello?", "y": "hi, barney's there?"}, {"x": "he wants to be fought? as with our hands and stuff?", "y": "and your feet maybe? i do not know the rules."}, {"x": "no, i would fight for three things, the closing of a stubborn bra, accusations of sexual harassment... 9 of 9! and wanted to vomit when i see someone wearing brown shoes with a black suit.", "y": "the fighting is for dummies. we are civilized people, civilized people not fight. except with a lightsaber, but that's in for 3 or 5 years..."}, {"x": "that's not true.", "y": "i'm on the forums every day. in 3-5 thanksgiving, i d\u00e9couperai turkey with my saber green."}, {"x": "no!", "y": "listen to me, trust me, i fought hard. there is no pride to be learned."}, {"x": "with which you fought?", "y": "my brothers."}, {"x": "i love the squabbles between brothers!", "y": "that's the monster of guilis!"}, {"x": "patrol commies!", "y": "wait! go! go! cocoa break."}, {"x": "ok, but we do not add too. i do not want it to catch proportions.", "y": "so you fought. seriously."}, {"x": "the pot of victory! blackjack! blackjack! blackjack!blackjack! $ 7 50.", "y": "why should i pay?"}, {"x": "because thou hast not supported. they supported me.", "y": "you know what, doug? i will gladly pay. and why?as adults do. they pay their glasses, and they fight it. you know what i did when you were kids? that's what i did."}, {"x": "your nails?", "y": "i was..."}, {"x": "the quiz of love in the last gala?", "y": "no. i was..."}, {"x": "your best to not cry when big came to carrie at the end of the film sex and the city?", "y": "you spoiles? no. i'll tell you what i did..."}, {"x": "i'm sorry.", "y": "i hate them! they behave like guys the most virile of the universe, as crocodile dundee and david hasselhoff."}, {"x": "it's the guys the most virile of the universe?", "y": "i know why they are given all the attention. in fact, it's me, the real hero."}, {"x": "yeah, it's you.", "y": "i'm serious, woman. put it in your pants."}, {"x": "you're the man every boy should be and every girl should marry. you know what? i have two boys under way that will not stop fighting. if you come to school tomorrow to tell them your story of choice of the path of nonviolence, it could put them right. and avoid me getting up early to prepare lessons.", "y": "okay. ok. i recadrerai."}, {"x": "wimp!", "y": "what? no! the panda and the koala mahatma luther king tell you that story to show..."}, {"x": "why hast not beaten? you were afraid?", "y": "what? i was not afraid! i did a lot of fights, ok?"}, {"x": "you're great! you have to weigh almost 500 pounds.", "y": "first, i wear a sweater off, which has horizontal stripes. and i also... i ate salty... so i... you know what? shut up!"}, {"x": "what is the penalty for as*ault? i'll have a fine?picking up garbage on the highway? because i already did that.", "y": "i know."}, {"x": "you can not go to jail! they are dying in the hallways!and meals are really heavy.", "y": "you should have thought before b*ating them."}, {"x": "and if we have not done?", "y": "no what?"}, {"x": "beaten. and if doug had beaten them all alone and we had done nothing?", "y": "i knew it! you have not even given a single sh*t."}, {"x": "i hit ted and me, so...", "y": "who's the wimp now? answer you."}, {"x": "you can spin us a hand?", "y": "you know the old saying \"if you can not assume, do not pretend to have done, do not laugh and refuses glasses blackjack and not defend your friend, who, coincidentally, lived full of fights with his brothers. \""}, {"x": "barney? i was looking for you. i have tickets for the hockey game tonight. it's stupid. want to go? it can run late, we could go see a drink after.", "y": "listen to this. you know, this fight? the guys were pretending."}, {"x": "what guy?", "y": "the ones you do not beaten. they will not go to trial.lawyer."}, {"x": "what? they dropped?", "y": "yes, i just told them you were wimps. it has made us laugh. poilade good, actually. i said that you did manicure every month."}, {"x": "weeks, wolverine... some are careful.", "y": "and you played the harp in the dance club of the pre-reform in college."}, {"x": "you're at least they said we were one of the best medieval music group of the academy?", "y": "sure. we were all agreed that it was a guy who had beaten and that you had nothing to do with it..."}, {"x": "wait, so... they att*ck doug.", "y": "affirmative."}, {"x": "look, you do not understand, you b*at these guys all by yourself.", "y": "it's true. they have nothing to do with it. look at them."}, {"x": "it's ted's fault!", "y": "look at him."}, {"x": "yes, look at me!", "y": "it would not 5 minutes in combat."}, {"x": "i could hold at least 5...", "y": "it is as limp as spaghetti."}, {"x": "yes, spaghetti with meatballs... mate it. look!", "y": "no."}, {"x": "ok, i'm hot. let's go. what has happened?", "y": "ca"}, {"x": "damn!", "y": "apparently, uncle marshall and his brothers did more than fight."}, {"x": "hi!", "y": "hi."}, {"x": "i'm canadian. no need to coat. this kind of weather does not scare me.", "y": "it looks like a spring day in minnesota, there was no q'il all the taxis, the skyscrapers and the blacks."}, {"x": "there are no black people?", "y": "not if prince is on tour."}, {"x": "no, nothing really...", "y": "hi everyone."}, {"x": "marshall!", "y": "this is robin."}, {"x": "robin!", "y": "turn drink."}, {"x": "how are you, marshall?", "y": "and you? hey, man! you got anything in the leg?"}, {"x": "i love the guys here. this is real guys. without shampoo or manicure. the guys from new york are 10% chick.", "y": "go. you're wrong."}, {"x": "my god! this is fisherman's quest? i played all the time fq at the time!", "y": "oh, yeah? i have the best score. without boasting, i caught... a pike of almost 1 m. the biggest fish virtual nobody has ever taken. finally... freshwater."}, {"x": "\"i drink to forget the 1999 nfc championship\"?", "y": "the match. the vikings were 2 minutes to go to the super bowl, when our striker, who had not missed a year's messed up a penalty and we lost in overtime. damn!"}, {"x": "1999 nfc championship game?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "damn!", "y": "my father, i had never seen him cry in my life, wiped away a tear. he said... \"a small part of me just d*ed, son. \""}, {"x": "i love the passion you have for your vikings. it's like looking for hockey in canada... what?", "y": "do not let... anyone here know that you're not from minnesota."}, {"x": "you see? she has not bought the briefcase! it is responsible! and no chance that she slept with someone here.she turns the page.", "y": "hi everyone!"}, {"x": "so my father and i were in the nfc championship game by 99.", "y": "i said, good evening everyone!"}, {"x": "nice story.", "y": "beautiful story! but it seems a bit familiar."}, {"x": "i know! they all bought into.", "y": "i see what you do."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "i've brought here because... i was sorry for you. and there, it looks like you're trying to steal my bar."}, {"x": "what was that?", "y": "with the nearby canada, minnesota, we like to make jokes on your back and they are often on the same theme."}, {"x": "as fear of the dark?", "y": "yes. for example, everyone, how many canadians does it take to change a lightbulb? \"what? no, the bulb is dead? i'm afraid! \""}, {"x": "this is stupid. why do you think canadians are afraid of the dark?", "y": "where do prejudices? a stereotype appears, and suddenly, it spreads like fire. asians misbehave, the scots are stingy, the brazilians are too many stamps. i doubt it works.you can not hang out with people who belittle your beloved country. i take you back."}, {"x": "no, wait. i have something to say. everyone. let me tell you something about canadians.", "y": "please, no scene."}, {"x": "we will perhaps see the screen of the gills.", "y": "you can catch two fish with a hook."}, {"x": "high scores! you got b*at marshall!", "y": "it is canadian! robin is canadian! she is canadian.it comes not from bemidji and she knows bugger all about the vikings."}, {"x": "you're angry because she b*at you.", "y": "during the 1999 nfc championship, when the vikings lost..."}, {"x": "holy sh*t!", "y": "... who was the scorer who missed the penalty?"}, {"x": "rashad tarkenton.", "y": "gary anderson. he is retired. it was a case of fly fishing... in canada."}, {"x": "by the way, in your new neighborhood, you should put a good lock on your door. if you want... live.", "y": "sorry about what happened inside. i was stupid. i should say anything."}, {"x": "i'm sorry. that was your cue. i should not have my own.but every year during the holidays, i am homesick. and so far, every year, i had a reason to stay a boyfriend, a job or something. but... this year, for the first time, i have nothing.", "y": "but if."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "we love you all. if you ever leave again in canada, we jump on a plane, you are pursuing, and after that barney has dragged some of the club with which you have spoken, we will bring you here where you are supposed to be. this is not new york without robin scherbatsky."}, {"x": "thank you.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "i miss sometimes. i wish i could close my eyes and find myself one hour in canada.", "y": "i was hoping that you say that."}, {"x": "how did you find this place?", "y": "just like home, eh?"}, {"x": "thank you.", "y": "ok. you come home in him, he apologized and you file a donut free?"}, {"x": "sold.", "y": "sold."}, {"x": "no. it was just love to do more fighting.", "y": "it's a great idea. no, really. hat guys. i saw in the future and everything works perfectly for everyone."}, {"x": "why are you here anyway?", "y": "i was working and i had to take a leap here...reading this magazine. in... the room there."}, {"x": "if this is a problem. you've done all the way here to read a magazine? i am willing to bet that there is a place to read this magazine at work. you know, a room with a little man on the door?", "y": "well, robin. nobody likes reading a magazine at work. you leave your office holding a magazine..."}, {"x": "have you thought about maybe not reading a magazine when you read a magazine?", "y": "you have to read a magazine. that's why there has magazines."}, {"x": "so, this is wasted time.", "y": "exactly. and the worst part is, this piece of my hallway door to the toilet. it's exposure to criticism."}, {"x": "we know exactly what you will do.", "y": "the boss."}, {"x": "donald \"i think he has a woman.\" my darling, if flagrant.", "y": "anyway, i'd rather do it here."}, {"x": "no, i'm sorry. this is our house now. marshall, you should also read a magazine. give me your key.", "y": "no, certainly not. reminds me of a bargain between three parties where no one would discuss a certain event happened. an event... persuasion. this key, madam, this is my silence. good day to you both."}, {"x": "you slept together?", "y": "thank you, lily."}, {"x": "last night we did when i answered the phone.", "y": "i knew you had not of paddler!"}, {"x": "it was always like that. you remember, in law?", "y": "sure."}, {"x": "the bank statement arrived today. you have booked a hotel two blocks from your school, a tuesday.", "y": "that's not what you think."}, {"x": "it's that, marshall? what's her name?", "y": "burrito. carnitas burrito."}, {"x": "have you booked a hotel room just to read a magazine?", "y": "you do not want me to see if the waitress at a huge scale for this haughty tone with you? nobody likes reading a magazine at work and they say they are not human."}, {"x": "last night, robin left a pizza box lying on the floor, so we had sex three times.", "y": "ok."}, {"x": "and this morning before leaving for work... we kissed.", "y": "bizarre. it's weird."}, {"x": "what? this kiss has violated the spirit of our arrangement. she probably thinks that i have feelings for her.", "y": "do you have any?"}, {"x": "clearly. this is the end.", "y": "wait. maybe she has not found it weird."}, {"x": "sold.", "y": "sold."}, {"x": "actually, what you did not care for us? i thought you had the perfect plan.", "y": "that was the case."}, {"x": "great, it's lily who sent you? i have not the bear, ok?i will make it! why are you smiling?", "y": "i just... reading a magazine. here at work."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "it's the funniest thing. i was on the net, looking at hotels when i realized something."}, {"x": "you have taken a big step today. remember shakespeare \"virtue is fearless and goodness, without fear.\"", "y": "you're right, super babe are my woman stop telling me why you are not famous but i stop to forget. let's do it."}, {"x": "congratulations.", "y": "thank you. i would have done well at some point.sometimes you have to... you have to say and... go there."}, {"x": "aspen yards ale! get it?", "y": "actually, no!"}, {"x": "i do not either. i was hoping that you find.", "y": "i will not get it."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "lily not want me to take a taxi to the airport just to get a taxi in the opposite direction."}, {"x": "but the thing of the pack?", "y": "it was fun when we were younger, but we exceeded it. when mature, the relationship matures with us."}, {"x": "thanks for stopping by. i hacked the thermostat for 1 h before it was seen that the intercom.", "y": "yeah, i heard you moan from below."}, {"x": "the theft of lily's tonight, you're really not looking for it?", "y": "as i said, when you grow up, our relationship matures with us."}, {"x": "what are you doing?", "y": "i'm going to the airport. how could i be so stupid? of course it takes me back a pack!"}, {"x": "he looks like a nice young man. i bet it will surprise you and pick you up anyway.", "y": "where is my beer?"}, {"x": "i have beer.", "y": "a pack and a size that suits me. come on, new lily."}, {"x": "i always find it silly. what happened to \"when you grow up, the relationship matures with us\"?", "y": "it's just something lily read in \"psychology.\" it's good, she read in \"cosmo\". okay, i read in \"cosmo\". well, it was in \"cosmo girl\". drive, ok?"}, {"x": "why make a fuss a little ritual is abandoned.", "y": "it's more than that, ok? this is our little rituals. you know what we did when i got home?"}, {"x": "i do not wanna hear about f*ck like rabbits.", "y": "they told what they had eaten at noon."}, {"x": "a little bread, chicken, celery sticks and a spoon of peanut butter. we f*ck like rabbits?", "y": "they f*ck like rabbits."}, {"x": "no, i love you even more.", "y": "do we get a room to pull all this out? it seemed like a good compromise, although i have to work my positions. i love you too."}, {"x": "how dare you?", "y": "what i miss most is the kiss of midnight new year"}, {"x": "all of these little rituals, nice, cute... this is stupid. say what we ate? they look like kids playing in the dinette.", "y": "maybe you think it's stupid because you've never had a relationship that lasts long enough for that."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "you know nothing of love. you're like a robot that someone would cry and say that... \"why this human leaking?\""}, {"x": "last glass.", "y": "a snowplow arrives. we must leave."}, {"x": "you think being in love, it's just to have pet names. or let the words stupid or darken in the blizzard for no reason.", "y": "you know what will happen?"}, {"x": "you know what you are? you're a snob of love. there's lots of ways to live a relationship, you would know if you left your little club \"snob love.\"", "y": "we'll be buried under the snow, that's what will happen."}, {"x": "a car.", "y": "robin, i'm sorry. you're not a robot. if you are, you are a very advanced model, and the human race has no chance. you did not choose to show your love through rituals tacky, and that's good. but maybe we did that because we have always done and we know no other way. what i know is that if there sitting alone at the airport, i have to go get her.these are the rules."}, {"x": "close your eyes.", "y": "i know not how you thought i draguais you, but..."}, {"x": "of course! why was not yet formed a band?", "y": "where is she?"}, {"x": "seattle.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "his flight was canceled. he has never taken off.", "y": "she would have called me and..."}, {"x": "i still think it's stupid.", "y": "it not return until thursday. it was all the way here and not return until thursday. i feel stupid. listen, they say nothing to lily about everything, ok? especially the part where thou dredges."}, {"x": "i've not dredged.", "y": "that's it."}, {"x": "dude, i do not believe that you've ever done this far.you'll have to go back and redo all that way again tomorrow.", "y": "the whole thing was a sign. let us end this ancient ritual. i will not get it."}, {"x": "robin you really dredged?", "y": "dude, that was weird."}, {"x": "you're not really looking for it?", "y": "really."}, {"x": "so, on new year's kiss, calls for lunch, all... \"i ate it today,\" you're really going to drop it?", "y": "yes, really."}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "damn."}, {"x": "it's not over.", "y": "leave covered?"}, {"x": "as if everything on your resume is so important?\"program director, radio wesleyan university\"?", "y": "my god."}, {"x": "no one knows. it was a mysterious and awesome dj.", "y": "it was ted."}, {"x": "but this phantom waves changed the face of the campus radio.", "y": "it was ted."}, {"x": "here dr. x, b*ll*ts of truth from an undisclosed location. for if i knew where they would silence me.", "y": "you're the 3rd floor of the home student next to the playroom, dork."}, {"x": "this is why i organize an event to the self, monday at midnight. it is time that leaders of the canteen remove ignorance and injustice menus. ted, we are missing a player. what are you doing here, anyway? dude, get out of here! i'll be right. remember, self, monday, midnight. another event dr. x. i'll be there, because x leaves its mark...", "y": "if you think people liked your show, it's wrong..."}, {"x": "yes, i'm sure i can find you something at school.", "y": "no, guys... it does not work like that. robin will have its license if it works in his field. you could stay if you got married to a u.s. citizen. yes, it might work. no. the procedure to formalize it would take too much time. it will not work."}, {"x": "unless a bear att*cks you in 3 seconds with your legs and you break his neck, it has nothing to do in your demo.", "y": "no, no, i understand. your origins are part of what you sell. moreover, in 'special jurisdiction' on my resume, i put that in minnesota, i was dunk champion nicollet county in 1995."}, {"x": "you've put champion dunk in your cv?", "y": "yes, why not? many companies have a basketball team. they like that tonnerrevanille can still crash into the net."}, {"x": "we called you tonnerrevanille?", "y": "yeah, tonnerrevanille. the ghost of snowshoes.the gate man. i was not very good in defense."}, {"x": "you can dunk more.", "y": "bine sure if. finally, i could... until there is little."}, {"x": "more commonly known as the dancer's hip.", "y": "iliopsoas tendinitis. it's a basketball injury. finally, nothing incredible."}, {"x": "the dancer's hip, marshall's a* dancer.", "y": "ok, no. they call it like that because it is very common among ballet dancers."}, {"x": "tell me, other girls in your class have the dancer's hip?", "y": "sure."}, {"x": "i have a technical question. is it easier to dance when you do not have external genitalia?", "y": "well, go ahead, feel free to me."}, {"x": "come on, guys. it did not hurt while dancing.", "y": "thank you, lily."}, {"x": "and when it comes to success, the only limit is that there is no limit.", "y": "you know you stand next to a horse. impressive."}, {"x": "exactly. because that's what the world wants to work.people who seem to take risks, but never do anything. in fact, you do things will turn. i write a book about this phenomenon.", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "barney, it was ridiculous and foolish.", "y": "insensate-ule."}, {"x": "honey. you're always sorry for the joke of the dancer?they joked. we all know that this is a basketball injury.", "y": "yes, absolutely. i have something to say."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "i dance more than you think."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "i dance... more than you think."}, {"x": "how many dances are we talking about?", "y": "i know. i think... i would say... average."}, {"x": "why do you dance much, and i do not know why?", "y": "i do that when i'm alone. when something good happens, and i'm excited and move, and i... i dunno, i want to talk about it."}, {"x": "you're aware of? they give us half a day. one can start at 14h.", "y": "super! thank you, herm."}, {"x": "i've taken a light beer. i know the dancers count calories.", "y": "it's not funny. the doctor said if it gets worse, i should have surgery."}, {"x": "as a vaginal rejuvenation?", "y": "you know who has not made a lot of vaginas in college?"}, {"x": "who?", "y": "dr. x."}, {"x": "what are you insinuating?", "y": "i know! does july 4, 1995 does remind you of anything?"}, {"x": "it teaches kids... i can eat a lot of hot dogs very quickly.", "y": "yes, but you can not!"}, {"x": "you can dunk over, hip cardboard!", "y": "how dare you? these hips can..."}, {"x": "you're not going to dance?", "y": "it's ok. later."}, {"x": "yes. thank you.", "y": "that one is good. and... end! what is the total?"}, {"x": "look. three beautiful blondes drinking bad decision juice at 8am.", "y": "pretty radar chest. this is my wife."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "now that you say, barney did something weird yesterday at the office."}, {"x": "nowhere. at the beach. it's winter. laser tag. at home. shut up! it is you who are going somewhere.", "y": "where is barney?"}, {"x": "very good program.", "y": "bob barker is your father."}, {"x": "it sounds like your mother kept your child's room as you had left.", "y": "it's a huge karate kid poster above your bed."}, {"x": "thank you, darling. actually, i was not so perfect a mother when i was younger.", "y": "do not say that. i'm sure you were great."}, {"x": "a drag, darling. a dirty streak. i am not proud. but...finally, i had fun. there's no pleasure as intense as... to watch a guy in the eye and say, \"i do not know your name, and you either, but... the next eight minutes we're going to flinch foundations of this gas station toilet. \" then to proceed in opposite directions. and just drive.", "y": "barney mom? loretta."}, {"x": "finally, all this is history now. i did the best i could, but... sometimes, i wonder how barney was able to become so perfect.", "y": "you must tell the truth to your mother, ok? listen, this is a nice woman, loving, a little too direct that deserves better."}, {"x": "no, no question. the truth would k*ll her.", "y": "i do not feel well to the idea of lying to a woman so warm, ok? it reminds me of my mother. what?"}, {"x": "warm? remember to marriage, i said we would be together forever? on our return down the aisle, your mother leaned over and said, \"not forever, darling. marshall will go to heaven. \"", "y": "she was joking."}, {"x": "she hates me, marshall. but that's okay, because...forget.", "y": "you're going to say what?"}, {"x": "on the bed \"race car\"?", "y": "the handles are great. listen, lily, if you learned something today, is that honesty is important in a family.whatever your feelings about my mother, we've been together for 12 years, baby. i think i can handle it."}, {"x": "really? i hate your mother.", "y": "you know what? i hate you!"}, {"x": "the dinosaur bones at the museum have come back to life and chasing me?", "y": "thank you very much, man. tonight i will not sleep."}, {"x": "come on, barney. you have no idea of the difficulty of getting a job beneath you. i really liked your tip on the bones of dinosaurs.", "y": "you can stop with that?"}, {"x": "it may be time to tell him the truth.", "y": "i know. sometimes, honesty leads people to say bad things about the woman who always took care of me because i was the runt of the family. for god's sake, i'm just a 92 m!"}, {"x": "who speaks it?", "y": "my mother."}, {"x": "my god, it was a real idiot.", "y": "dude, the gold medal of the andouille de vire."}, {"x": "of course, for you. you had it turned into a zombie of andouille.", "y": "i want to eat your brain, but only if it is organic and free range."}, {"x": "what is this?", "y": "it's... a tv."}, {"x": "bluntly.", "y": "i know... you was ironic. me too... i'm ironic."}, {"x": "let's go! what?", "y": "this makeup has one month to go. i met with parents of lily. i have never looked so stupid."}, {"x": "so far. tells the story, tells the story!", "y": "get off me!"}, {"x": "i'm not kidding. i almost do not want you to hear, because really, for the rest of your life, nothing will ever be as fun and you, curse you for agreeing to hear. you gotta hear it.this is too funny.", "y": "okay."}, {"x": "look at him.", "y": "i think that the knees are made to bend like that. he may have torn his cruciate ligament."}, {"x": "wait. expect. i want to say.", "y": "okay. say it."}, {"x": "he searched his bag to get his stuff, and... no, say it.it's more fun if you say so. let me say it. no, say it. you say.say it. at the same time. no, go ahead.", "y": "i forgot..."}, {"x": "i never said i'd do that. i thought it arrives. that would be the worst disaster if i called?", "y": "it is not the worst, no. that would be the fourth worst.1 super volcano. 2 an asteroid falls to earth. 3 any record of evel knievel is lost. 4 ted called karen. 5 lily is eaten by a shark."}, {"x": "they hated it!", "y": "bye bye, the slut!"}, {"x": "i was an idiot. it was my first real girlfriend. i was crazy about her. we've all done things we regret in college. in the third year, marshall has grown the goatee, wearing a beret and rasta required to be called mj cool.", "y": "i regret it at all."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "go back in your little head it."}, {"x": "you have to lunch?", "y": "why do you want to lunch with an ex?"}, {"x": "or four you taunt with their success.", "y": "as my lunch with nicole barsamian."}, {"x": "who is nicole barsamian?", "y": "my ex."}, {"x": "you look good.", "y": "you look pretty."}, {"x": "i see someone.", "y": "already? who?"}, {"x": "lee roberts. he already reads like a cm2.", "y": "you must cancel the luncheon."}, {"x": "and a hug is like a hug in public.", "y": "you must embrace strangely."}, {"x": "karen was the first girl i really loved. and after the year i had, i dunno, i think of lunch with her reminded me what it was to turn 18 and life ahead. and i would remind everyone that at least i was wearing pants.", "y": "you can not change the subject like that."}, {"x": "the pants! the pants!", "y": "it was nothing! i had a small problem, so i called lily."}, {"x": "tell us, what was this concern?", "y": "i forgot my pants."}, {"x": "what do you mean you forgot your pants?", "y": "i forgot. you have a bringest me."}, {"x": "and the spare.", "y": "last thursday, the mustard? you have a goldfish memory."}, {"x": "as in a tree? no, it was not done in a tree. what is his problem?", "y": "you did what?"}, {"x": "the game is the game", "y": "in his defense, i had just the muscle."}, {"x": "what is the result with the bimbo?", "y": "it's a foregone conclusion. ted is charlie brown trying to sh**t and karen, it's lucy who takes away the ball at the last second and sleeping with. you have understood me.ted falls in love, and karen is going wrong with a playboy, who says... \"sorry, dude.\""}, {"x": "that was me. me. the one time marshall forgot his pants?", "y": "damn! stop changing the subject. you have gone too far. you are complicit in breaking the heart of this poor guy.and you, you are best placed to know how it feels."}, {"x": "you really do speak of your pants?", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "pant, pant...", "y": "okay! lily came to the office to bring me my pants..."}, {"x": "why she did this?", "y": "because i forgot."}, {"x": "theodore evelyn mosby. of course i gave him. i gave him my word. it is concrete. for cons, i made a few alterations.", "y": "as you can see on page 44 of the contract..."}, {"x": "is that all? it's the story?", "y": "what has happened to karen?"}, {"x": "they need a finger to do what i think.", "y": "ted, karen is an idiot."}, {"x": "nice set of forms.", "y": "i put the forms there."}, {"x": "that's because he met her in high school. this is his first girlfriend.", "y": "for us, karen is an idiot. for him, this is the first to have touched his penis in hand himself, his mother and pediatrician."}, {"x": "it's been almost a month. i'm used to. and then the show is not bad, right?", "y": "that is clear."}, {"x": "you've ever watched?", "y": "sure!"}, {"x": "your favorite item?", "y": "weather."}, {"x": "have you ever looked.", "y": "sorry."}, {"x": "i know, this is basic and bland, and it is smaller audiences than the korean channel that does that kim jong il by the horse. but, friends, it would touch me to know that at least once you look.", "y": "you know what? this friday, everyone will come home at 330. we leave the pajamas and watch his show."}, {"x": "i just want to sleep!", "y": "i hate robin not to have done better."}, {"x": "hi, guys. bad news i was karen plated. go ahead.", "y": "i knew you were listening!"}, {"x": "maybe because i've always been faithful, when thou hast deceived me 6 times, bitch.", "y": "in your face!"}, {"x": "a coffin.", "y": "it's not look comfortable at all. you wear a tie."}, {"x": "first, it's a tie night. second, it's not for comfort. this class is to be at any time.", "y": "why have the class at any time?"}, {"x": "but it could happen. if it happened and i was in top form for these oiled b*tches, i would regret it.", "y": "sorry, dude, but it is the nightwear most ridiculous i've seen in my life. finally..."}, {"x": "marshall wearing a nightgown! he wears a nightgown! you know when they say, \"remember, he was wearing a nightgown? \"it is now! this is a nightgown. call it, \"held danger of ninja,\" if you want. you stay still a tr*nsv*stite.", "y": "i do not care. it's comfortable."}, {"x": "marshall, i found an earring robin on your dresser. you know why the other was in my bed?", "y": "what are you talking?"}, {"x": "you hate karen. you told me to break it. it's you. did you put the loop in my bed for karen to find.", "y": "i would never..."}, {"x": "admit it!", "y": "there's nothing to admit!"}, {"x": "it will take over.", "y": "it's important to stay active."}, {"x": "it is really great! so for that you will marry, one that will join the team g\u00e9niale, the bar is very high. i say that i did well, but...", "y": "you're better off without her."}, {"x": "if the angel clarence says it's true, it should be.", "y": "you know what? go ahead, laugh."}, {"x": "why are you wearing this stuff?", "y": "several reasons."}, {"x": "you can not even give five.", "y": "a you can not wear anything underneath."}, {"x": "i confirm. you can cross your legs?", "y": "two it's sexy."}, {"x": "i confirm. you can uncross your legs?", "y": "three my grandfather was olaf and he d*ed at 107 years. four no elastic waistband leaving its mark around my thanksgiving belly. and five each night as i sleep, it's the most wonderful and free feeling in the world. i feel... as if i was flying. that's how i'm going to bed at night happy, light. with a heart full of joy. and you?"}, {"x": "no one! angie. in the second year. she used you to get revenge on her ex, and you will not see it, so...", "y": "that's where is my cd of creed."}, {"x": "i feel a little breeze there. it's nice.", "y": "you think that's good? come to the mouth of heating.it's like your bazaar was on a tropical island."}, {"x": "what? we do break? what does that mean? and why they wear a night gown?", "y": "a shirt."}, {"x": "equality. as my career that fell when i decided to settle down and marry ted. bridge! i won.", "y": "i do not like this scenario."}, {"x": "calm down! let us be calm! i have a question. this is how when you're in bed?", "y": "come, let's check."}, {"x": "you're at home, every night, and lily layer always with you?", "y": "yeah, marriage, man, unconditional love. you can wear what you want and you get laid."}, {"x": "tell me about marriage.", "y": "sometimes when you're married, the smell of breakfast wakes you ready."}, {"x": "the coffee too?", "y": "the cafe also. sometimes she even puts a vase of fresh flowers."}, {"x": "i love flowers. and sometimes when you're afraid of making wrong choices and you're not the one you wanted to be, what it does?", "y": "it says you're great and everything will be fine."}, {"x": "it's beautiful. and it helps you to find other girls to sleep with?", "y": "i guess. if you have agreed, perhaps. the guy had a hard day. we'll talk tomorrow. good night, champ."}, {"x": "ted, i'm sorry. no matter who you marry. i know it will be great because she will think you are. to prove my sincerity, i have prepared a surprise for you and karen at the top. kisses, lily.", "y": "ps sorry that the envelope is opened. i read what she wrote. marshall."}, {"x": "look at scarlett johansson at the oscars. if i could get a celebrity, it would be scarlett johansson. canon, talented and you do not turn as woody allen's father without issue.", "y": "if i got a celebrity, it would be lily. this is the star of my heart."}, {"x": "no, not the end of history. i need to know who, what, when and where. balance!", "y": "please, calm down. you swallow too much air."}, {"x": "who's who?", "y": "now you've spun him hiccups."}, {"x": "i'll tell you anything specific. but all i will say is that he is canadian, but you know it. and he brought home by offering to show me a single collection.", "y": "what do you mean \"collection\"?"}, {"x": "i'll tell you. but only if you correctly guess the three parties.", "y": "it is simply impossible."}, {"x": "canadiansexact.org, this is a favorite.", "y": "point org?"}, {"x": "it is said? it should.", "y": "no. i want to."}, {"x": "what's going on?", "y": "it's time you know. a few weeks ago, bilson called us."}, {"x": "i have to say?", "y": "tell him, you're his best friend."}, {"x": "no, it's you.", "y": "no, it's really you. shhh, it happens."}, {"x": "how are you?", "y": "you okay?"}, {"x": "you should leave the project.", "y": "it is clear, leave him. it is unworthy of you."}, {"x": "it's funny you mention the project. because...", "y": "you're super good. keep it up, man. your hair, your teeth are beautiful now. you shine like a diamond!"}, {"x": "what was that?", "y": "i have an idea. the next two months ted has paid anyway. we could not let it continue and not to tell her? he had a tough year. let the fun a little."}, {"x": "you suggest a complicated lie in the long term that implies a lot of discipline. a guy like you will not succeed.", "y": "but if i can."}, {"x": "lie to me, there.", "y": "i have a spaceship."}, {"x": "what kind of fuel?", "y": "i have no spaceship."}, {"x": "but no! defend yourself! if someone asks, diverts it from the original lie with other lies. i show you. i have a pony.question me.", "y": "it is what color?"}, {"x": "when i was dandelion, her complexion was of a deep hazel, unfortunately, his barn is located near a chemical plant, which contaminated water. over time, it became a dull gray and the vet can not do anything to help.", "y": "my god! it's horrible. dandelion will make it? okay...you're strong! dandelion is not sick, huh?"}, {"x": "so the tour is canceled and you really have lied to me.", "y": "we did it to protect you."}, {"x": "this tower was the dream job and it went up in smoke.", "y": "sorry, ted."}, {"x": "the poor. it's moved if i return to canada on sex?", "y": "not at all."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "kiefer sutherland, souvenir glasses, tights and a pancake."}, {"x": "of course, you could not see you point and bilson.", "y": "so we... invented the working group. it was enough just to gather a team."}, {"x": "how far i have desaper?", "y": "louisa mendoza, vice president at capital ex\u00e9cutie, it's actually... louisa from the cafeteria. louisa, i need your help, but forbidden to speak."}, {"x": "i speak english.", "y": "exactly. this is an important secret. how do you say \"secret\" in spanish?"}, {"x": "pellets?", "y": "okay. albondigas. this will be our little albondigas. i have balls, please? arthur and nasmith, the eccentric genius, investment guru, it's actually... arty the cracked one-man band of 15th street. excuse me. one can argue?"}, {"x": "actually, my assistant, reginald took my appointments.", "y": "it was completed with the group of trainees and paid $ 50 for them to look enthusiastic when you talked..."}, {"x": "wait. it explains what happened to louisa.", "y": "good job."}, {"x": "is there anything else you want to tell me?", "y": "when you played third base for the softball team gnb."}, {"x": "my lap of honor was bogus?", "y": "sorry, we knew you'd be unemployed soon. we wanted you to feel good. friends do that."}, {"x": "lying?", "y": "sometimes, yes, to protect them."}, {"x": "really? and this open mic night at the comedy club?", "y": "you're like me, people? have you ever considered the amount of fish species? and... the name of these fish?here are a few. \"trout. \"right? \"sturgeon. \"i think so buddy.\"salmon. \"i'll say it again... salmon. who thought it was a good idea? \"bar. \"this guy is what i mean. \"halibut. \"thank you, good evening. how do i?"}, {"x": "fatal... thursday evening for everyone.", "y": "timeout. you do not like fish?"}, {"x": "it was horrible! you've just read a list of fish.", "y": "whatever... this proves my point. you lied to me to protect me."}, {"x": "you're the devil.", "y": "what if we told you that you found another project to gnb, where you have to redo part of the 20th floor."}, {"x": "it's a place where a manager and an employee initiate a transfer of knowledge about an impending career change.", "y": "it turns people here."}, {"x": "it's horrible. why have a special room to turn people?", "y": "gnb think we need a safe place to meet new."}, {"x": "read it.", "y": "read it."}, {"x": "one of them is supposed to be famous?", "y": "who the hell... the old king clancy is?"}, {"x": "this is not the person is the sexual act. it's like the sacramento turtleneck, but with maple syrup.", "y": "and fame, this is harvey l\u00e9plateaux?"}, {"x": "you again. you even found a way to spoil it. why?why let yourself do we as a country?", "y": "hey, mister whisper. you should not be up there to draw your super pte?"}, {"x": "i'm more about the project.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "bilson fired me.", "y": "you're kidding."}, {"x": "actually, i just resign.", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "with this economy?", "y": "so, do we want it?"}, {"x": "you regret it.", "y": "i can not believe you're kicked out of laser tag. are you gonna do?"}, {"x": "what is the murtaugh list?", "y": "... two, one, chug!"}, {"x": "it's hard to admit, but with age, we can do certain things.this is why i have this list, not to make the mistake of thinking that i can still make a sleepless night.", "y": "i'm too old for this stuff."}, {"x": "or eat a whole pizza in one sitting.", "y": "i'm too old for this stuff."}, {"x": "or put posters on the wall without a frame.", "y": "\"riggs. \"i'm too old for this stuff. in fact, it's lethal w*apon?"}, {"x": "i know. it looks pumped. an old cop associated with a young and rebellious. it reminds you of anything? mackleroy and lafleur. do not tell me you have never seen mackleroy and lafleur. this is the best action movie of all time canadian. mackleroy is a young mountie whose horse is k*lled by evil americans, and lafleur, his old partner grumpy and afro-canadian, just buy a nice fishing shack in northern alberta...", "y": "i gotta go."}, {"x": "what? it's still one-man band? because it was crap.", "y": "my god! orange wedges. that's nice. what are you doing here?"}, {"x": "i could not resist. i wanted to see marshmallow coach at work.", "y": "the children, who wants to stop earlier and eat orange slices?"}, {"x": "yeah!", "y": "yeah? no way! oranges, it's for the winners, and you little shits, you have not yet put one basket! shame on you, shame on you miss aldrin, and worse, necks make me ashamed! enough! su1c1de, on the line! and make it snappy!here we go."}, {"x": "what, this? just a quick foul '. just a kid like me has to worry about. then, \"pushing a medical\" on the list. hold on. bar here...", "y": "it is not stop! you know, it's funny, i came to teach them... do not stop running! all this time, it is they who have taught me things. you not being there! you fall!"}, {"x": "marshall, you can avoid the att*ck today?", "y": "i will not att*ck, lily. i att*ck this pervasive culture of failure. i have to toughen them if you want to win the match tomorrow."}, {"x": "winning? there are no points.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "there are no points.", "y": "you not count... what interest not to do? how do you know... lily, what were you doing with the team before i arrive?"}, {"x": "because that's the point of playing, having fun.", "y": "the point of playing is to win the trophy. and if you do not know who wins, wins the trophy?"}, {"x": "everyone. this is a participation trophy, everyone has one.", "y": "everything that's chinese to me."}, {"x": "marshall, they were in kindergarten. it teaches not basketball like that.", "y": "sure. i learned that way."}, {"x": "are you kidding? what kind of sociopath told you like that?", "y": "come on, dad. i'm tired."}, {"x": "sleep is for the winners. you go to bed when you get labeled.", "y": "i'm trying."}, {"x": "your father was hard on you. it's ugly, but you do not have to be like him. you can learn from mistakes.", "y": "errors? lily, result. the guy was successful. he taught me to be a winner. this is what i teach these kids. and besides, this is what i will do with our children."}, {"x": "ok, enough. this is not how we will raise our children!and that's not how you gonna lead this team! in tomorrow's game, if you're anything but a teddy bear with the cotton candy and rainbows, i foudroierai gaze so hard that you bruise! the times i've found your internet history, it was a mere side! is that clear?", "y": "there are different..."}, {"x": "is that clear?", "y": "yes, ma'am. what is ironic is that..."}, {"x": "done.", "y": "let them score easily. now you're sitting. great.addison is not football. do not sh**t! unless you find it funny, in this case, have fun though. it was not a foul, referee?"}, {"x": "i'm no referee, but kenny. and watch your tone.", "y": "no tone, kenny. good job. thank you very much.see you later."}, {"x": "and then the hospital.", "y": "good job, guys. at least, there are no points, eh? no idea of the score. it could be 53-0. it could be something else.it's 53-0."}, {"x": "what are we doing wrong, coach?", "y": "you do not do anything wrong. it's great that you lost, because in life, no matter the effort you make, or how much you try, people give you things. since graduation, jobs, promotions. no matter what you do on the ground, as... as you're having fun."}, {"x": "do not look at me like that.", "y": "i take it anymore! your coaching is crazy!"}, {"x": "stop yelling at me!", "y": "i'm sorry. but is what i can do it my way?"}, {"x": "ok, but i'll do it my way too. with the guitar.", "y": "there is a werewolf on the ground! it can not be legit."}, {"x": "they look different, the children, but make sure they feel surrounded.", "y": "it was not a market, right? you're k*lling me! you k*ll me outright!"}, {"x": "attention, coach, or i put a technical foul.", "y": "i beg you to put me in one."}, {"x": "i understand that you like it not.", "y": "i love it. i worked hard. it's nice to be appreciated at its true value."}, {"x": "i know, baby.", "y": "your way is perhaps not completely stupid."}, {"x": "it's sexist! when it's funny, it's funny. lily's cool. she'll love it.", "y": "do it yourself."}, {"x": "for the guys.", "y": "she will not like it."}, {"x": "you know for layoffs?", "y": "yes, i know. i tag. are you worried?"}, {"x": "are you kidding? i know one thing about this company. i will never be fired. it is likely that one day i was stranded on a beach with no footprints or teeth, but i will not fire.", "y": "i would like to have your insurance."}, {"x": "you just gotta find a way to make you absolutely critical.", "y": "i work harder than anyone in my division."}, {"x": "keep your job has nothing to do with being a hard worker. you need something.", "y": "what do you mean something?"}, {"x": "who wants pork barbecue? of course you want!", "y": "i love chow-man. they can not fire him. you know what i like about chow-man?"}, {"x": "it's always food.", "y": "it's always food."}, {"x": "you see? you need it. you need that thing that makes you a man.", "y": "i have this thing that makes me a guy. maybe even a guy and a half."}, {"x": "bad news. as hr, i must review the new overtime policy with you. the good news is that we will do with wolverine's claws! section 5a doing overtime will no longer be paid double.", "y": "that's great!"}, {"x": "claw tape!", "y": "i love toy-man."}, {"x": "you see? you need something. youtube-like man.", "y": "you're right. i need something."}, {"x": "hi, dude.", "y": "hi, douglas."}, {"x": "you're so tense.", "y": "i was relaxed, two seconds ago."}, {"x": "maybe. i remember more. because for me he is dead pj will receive a mail with a disruptive place, it should in any circumstances be three days and then send it to me.", "y": "i thought of something to become indispensable.the ecolo-man! everyone loves recycling, eh?"}, {"x": "fired. what else you got?", "y": "i have others. ties-fun-man."}, {"x": "fired.", "y": "info-unusual-man?"}, {"x": "did you know? whether you're fired?", "y": "stretch-man?"}, {"x": "upside down vir\u00e9.", "y": "the monty-python-man?"}, {"x": "we are the knights who say... you're fired.", "y": "wait! i ran a simulation league baseball in school."}, {"x": "not bad. you got maybe something.", "y": "great! great! i simulates-man!"}, {"x": "sports-man. i heard people talking about your club.", "y": "it's a bit harder than i thought. registration fees, transaction charges penalty, i... keeps a lot of money."}, {"x": "good job, sport-man. that's last week.", "y": "60, 80, 100. $ 18 000 in cash. it's nothing. i'll bring it home and put them in a safe place. ok, walk down the street with money in his pocket. not touch the money. it's so obvious. be natural. the baby looks at me.babies can smell money. it is known! i carry a lot of money!"}, {"x": "last week you were a waste that nobody was looking.now you're sports-man.", "y": "a waste?"}, {"x": "last week!", "y": "this is ted mosby mosbius designs. how is the home office?"}, {"x": "i've told you, commits a pretty assistant with whom you can sleep instead of hiring an assistant with whom robin sleeps. of course he'll sleep with her. it is the coolest on the planet. i am off topic! you're an idiot! this is my message!you're an idiot! an angry person, that's not enough! marshall with me!", "y": "dude, why are you so upset that ted does not sleep with the people he hires?"}, {"x": "because it hurts!", "y": "how so?"}, {"x": "it hurts because i love... when ted... layer with women. i am a very devoted friend! lily is the only one i can talk. tell him to talk to me.", "y": "i'll try, but no warranty. she is still shocked by this joke. this joke. it tore our group, which turns the people i love against the other. frankly, i would... i would like this joke is never entered our lives."}, {"x": "it's funny anyway, right?", "y": "it's very funny."}, {"x": "you see, sports-man. people adore you.", "y": "i can be more sports-man. i'm going crazy! i keep receiving text messages, emails and calls in the middle of the night. sometimes i even think that i follow."}, {"x": "hi, dude. we need you to do this exchange, i can prepare my team. you are really tight, is it not?", "y": "seriously, it's over."}, {"x": "i stop?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "are you kidding?", "y": "apparently, robin and pj are together again."}, {"x": "you're kidding!", "y": "how are you?"}, {"x": "as lily not speaking to me, i must tell you something.and it's not easy to say, ok? i... wait... 'm... wait... love...wait... of... wait... a... wait... some... wait...", "y": "i know you're in love with robin."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "lily told me."}, {"x": "she told you? great. i guess you marrez my back all this time.", "y": "actually, oddly, we both think you're meant for each other."}, {"x": "really?", "y": "it even tries to sit on the same side for you to sit side by side."}, {"x": "really? this is so cute. but let's be clear. i do not like it, ok? it's just that... i miss when she is not there. i think about her all the time, i guess one day we will run towards each other in slow motion and i wear a suede jacket.", "y": "tell her how you feel?"}, {"x": "no. perhaps. ever. i know not. listen... i just need to get rid of that idiot pj. if lily was there, she would know how to get rid of him.", "y": "i can perhaps help you."}, {"x": "i hope so.", "y": "look at this."}, {"x": "owl. the girls with a name ending in ly are dirty.holly, kelly, carly, lily.", "y": "yeah, it's true."}, {"x": "jesus.", "y": "barney, do not do that. not with jesus."}, {"x": "hi guys! what is it?", "y": "a meal that i generro back to lily."}, {"x": "we knew he would try to call three days before, so i took his cell phone and changed his number from mine.", "y": "we wanted to call the chopper too early, but then he... sent text messages."}, {"x": "\"piti texting\"?", "y": "poor, little ted. it should... he should say it estnous."}, {"x": "yeah. or... it pretends to holly and we are in the bath.", "y": "it's better. it was funny. he should say that it is us."}, {"x": "it should. or... it is said that red is our favorite color and found the look \"cowboy\" sexy.", "y": "it's better."}, {"x": "he put the boots!", "y": "he bluntly put! it was great! but it's time to tell him that he wears."}, {"x": "or... we remove our shirts.", "y": "it's better."}, {"x": "maybe that door below, a black bra with lace.", "y": "i believe that wearing anything underneath."}, {"x": "it is hot.", "y": "there, he wears only cowboy boots! here we go!"}, {"x": "too! tell him we slowly drag our... what do we do?", "y": "i think we'll... have sex with ted."}, {"x": "you did this all day? this is wicked.", "y": "no, actually it was for his good. it protects it from itself. he really likes this girl. he had that look."}, {"x": "the crazy eyes, \"i'm going too fast and i will f*ck up everything.\"", "y": "the same he had with you the first time."}, {"x": "i was a single case. this is not holly robin scherbatsky. what is wrong with her hair? news flash detangling, it exists for not having a helmet. i'm so mean.", "y": "it's been that ted did not like someone. he stored much... we thought him to say \"i love you\" when he contacted her."}, {"x": "and it's coming. it shows all the telltale signs.", "y": "first he jokes with the marriage."}, {"x": "\"you like architecture? we should get married. ha-ha.mdr. just kidding. so what? \"", "y": "deuzio it's far too early suggestions crazy travel."}, {"x": "\"i like beer. we should go to germany. mdr. jp.mdr. \"", "y": "third it says too early personal things."}, {"x": "and he really knows not what means mdr.", "y": "yeah, but that's the problem. ted did not say \"i love you\" as easily as we thought."}, {"x": "a guard who works nights.", "y": "he eats here every day."}, {"x": "and he had not finished.", "y": "far from it."}, {"x": "i thank god for every mistake i made, because each of them told me the path that led me to you.", "y": "it's... really nice."}, {"x": "hug me all night. stroking my hair. tell me i'm a woman and show me that you are a man. until there is now. you and me... and now.", "y": "you want me to send it to ted. i knew it."}, {"x": "this is pablo neruda.", "y": "i do not know... what comes to the bread here, but it touches me... here... and here."}, {"x": "that's cool. still nothing?", "y": "it is perhaps not in love with us."}, {"x": "how is this possible? it's all there waiting!", "y": "i do not understand men."}, {"x": "i go to work.", "y": "do... you come back?"}, {"x": "wait. i think i have.", "y": "he replied! \"i probably should not tell you, finally, we barely knew, but never mind, i say it anyway. \""}, {"x": "that's it, man. this is the \"i love you.\"", "y": "i would like stan to be there."}, {"x": "stan. what?", "y": "\"i sometimes have dreams about my gay best friend.\""}, {"x": "\"i sometimes have dreams about my gay best friend. \"", "y": "ted why send text messages to a girl he barely knows, where he says he dreams about me gay?"}, {"x": "easy. you? he speaks clearly to me.", "y": "dude, i'm his best friend."}, {"x": "okay, one it has never been proven. two if anyone had any dreams about gays one of us would be on me! finally, look at me. now look at you. an octogenarian still in her closet would not be in this state.", "y": "that's the trick. i hug you, no. who would not want to cuddle in this case, on sunday morning? wrapped in the quilt while it is raining, and there are muffins in the oven. i'm cuddly, bitch. you must do."}, {"x": "i train every day. one thing we know about ted is that he likes a nice body. this body would vibrate.", "y": "ted and i, we lived. i know what he likes. there are things i can do it... he \u00e9poustoufleraient why do they sleep with ted?"}, {"x": "crazy, no? ted had dreams about me gay.", "y": "and by \"me\", he means marshall eriksen, star of ted's gay dreams."}, {"x": "so what? so ted has gay dreams about one of you. it's not as if he had three months to live. it would... shocking, no?", "y": "look at this guy. how is my best friend for 12 years?"}, {"x": "you can tell us. this is a secure area.", "y": "your feelings are quite natural."}, {"x": "then at the end of the meal, frank gehry addition to the slides and im pei said, \"friend, tonight is your name i paye.\"buckminster fuller was almost choking. and i woke up.", "y": "that's it?"}, {"x": "no more dreams? nothing disturbing or erotic?", "y": "ok, what do you say that. you know that someday in the future, machines will rebel?"}, {"x": "of course.", "y": "so, the machines... k*lled everyone. and there are only you, me, and barney. who among us would you... you?"}, {"x": "i'll meet you outside.", "y": "sorry. it was just trying to help you."}, {"x": "i took leave.", "y": "great! we can have fun!"}, {"x": "what...", "y": "wait. you can not just sit there and have your date with us?"}, {"x": "that's too!", "y": "it's not too much."}, {"x": "thank you.", "y": "do not misunderstand. you're disgusting and the cops should put a shoe on your part, but this number should be higher. after barney told me about that, i reviewed the figures and... i have some graphics. barney dredge about 20 girls a week."}, {"x": "it's more than 20. b. does nothing more precise estimate.", "y": "let 20. so 20 girls a week, that's 1,040 girls a year.in its 16 years of sexual activity, it would mean that he has dredged 16,640 girls. if he has slept with 199, it's a success rate... slightly higher than one per cent. this is an average of 12 hits, eight times worse than average in career... launcher in one hand, the launcher... jim abbott."}, {"x": "what? let me see. sixty... once. oh, my god. wait...i counted the same girl twice? that means i'm only at 198?", "y": "it just means you're less than 0.5% was thought disgusting."}, {"x": "marshall? knowing how important it is for me, you think that lily... i would do the job...", "y": "i'll k*ll you."}, {"x": "it does. she will be in the next muscle sexxy. and like many women in this magazine, sexxy has two x and one y.", "y": "fran, i will not bother you, but i have a presentation tomorrow and it would help me if i could have tables and graphs. can you help me?"}, {"x": "this is the graphics department. we can make all the graphs, tables, in all colors on the paper you want.", "y": "we'll have fun. i ranked the presidents in order of disloyalty. a johnson. two bush. three harding.four polk. this circle represents \"those who break my heart.\" and this circle represents \"those who constantly undermine my confidence. \"and where they meet cecilia. this is a pie chart describing my favorite bars. and that is a graph describing my favorite pies what is it?"}, {"x": "any visual representation of data.", "y": "i'm not stupid. i know what you think of my paintings and graphics. in fact, i made a picture of your reactions to my paintings. see it. yes, that's true, since cecilia, your interest in my paintings do not stop falling. but based on recent trends, i also... projection boards! and look... a large peak of interest is coming! and it's not just a blip dead cat. it is a long-term growth."}, {"x": "mosbius designs.", "y": "what happened to my pictures?"}, {"x": "they were thrown.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "that's an intervention. you could not stop eating, so we threw your cam.", "y": "come on, ted! i need my pictures! only for today and i promise to never ever do. i suffered a lot of pressure. i need my paintings, jack!"}, {"x": "you make tables work?", "y": "it's for work, idiot! i make a great show and if i have not these pictures, i'm gonna get fired!"}, {"x": "damn. not move. i bring them.", "y": "magne! i will research how to wait. sorry, there is a little late with the tables. but we'll begin in a moment. fish are weird, right? i mean, what's their problem?"}, {"x": "it's... it's been 2700 years. it works! big nase.", "y": "sorry, there is a star of earth? start."}, {"x": "well played, sir.", "y": "well done."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "you know, ted has played cool, that's exactly what he should do. in fact, i would say on a scale of..."}, {"x": "and i kept your sweater... and sometimes, i sit in the bathtub for hours, you know, feel it.", "y": "... up..."}, {"x": "enchanted.", "y": "i think you've been great."}, {"x": "no. ted, my family has a lot of money. and i want to use that money to fix it with you.", "y": "tony is rich? tell me that you wrote a check. tell me that you did a very big check. so big that he not remove his shirt to go swimming."}, {"x": "it's a very big check. if big, that if you sleep with, you would not tell your friends.", "y": "it's a very big check."}, {"x": "so big, that when you sit next to on the plane, you wonder if the check would not have had to buy two seats.", "y": "it's..."}, {"x": "no thank you.", "y": "what do you mean \"no thank you\"? you'd be a great teacher. you are an expert, you can talk, and when necessary, you can get to grow a beautiful beard."}, {"x": "okay. today, i had a $ 200 fine for speeding.", "y": "that sucks, dude. you did not manage to blow it up?"}, {"x": "you can not blow a fine.", "y": "i have done. it was... when? in 1998."}, {"x": "where's the fire?", "y": "there is no fire. in fact, you know, there's a fire in the barbecue where i go. nothing special. burgers, chops...merguez."}, {"x": "you know it's dangerous to go... you said \"sausages\"?", "y": "yeah, merguez. my mother's marinated in beer for 2 days. that's it. it's weird, i could have sworn that what those big, succulent smoked sausages had writing on it. bizarre.you were saying?"}, {"x": "that was writing what? the merguez?", "y": "it said \"ownership of minnesota police, jorgensen.\"you like merguez, jorgensen agent?"}, {"x": "i would have done that too, if i went to a barbecue.slim, i went there.", "y": "it's all in the assessment of your enemy. i knew he loved the sausages because he was out of breath just by coming to my car and he had mustard on his holster."}, {"x": "anything, robin. like you've already blown a fine.", "y": "are you kidding? robin is a pretty girl. they have no fines. i bet she was often stopped and has never had."}, {"x": "i want a laundry room of 5 x 5 meters, ceramic tiles stain-resistant floor to ceiling. i am a man who likes to do his own laundry, and sometimes it's messy.", "y": "gruesome?"}, {"x": "i will not do.", "y": "you can not do it!"}, {"x": "false. this has never happened.", "y": "it's from a p*rn. i saw him. sh*t, i did."}, {"x": "what...", "y": "come on, man, you're on it for three days without stopping. this is your birthday. come have a beer on the roof."}, {"x": "impossible, the presentation is tomorrow. these hats are not alone.", "y": "that's a big restaurant for tourists. just put wide doors and chairs strengthened. birthday beer on the roof. let's go!"}, {"x": "why do you want as i go on the roof? you made me a surprise party?", "y": "what? we brought you a surprise party, last year.thou shalt have no surprises on two holidays. the fact that the world has come to the first was surprising. not? two surprises on christmas! it is very strong! it is very strong! great super... it still will not mount."}, {"x": "come on. this is boring! i knew it was a bad idea.", "y": "yes, robin, i know. this festival is... is... a disaster.it was my idea. i take responsibility. there is one thing to do."}, {"x": "marshall, no.", "y": "lily, i have to! it's useless to procrastinate."}, {"x": "forget it. it really is not class. at best, it sucks.", "y": "you know who knows how to live? these people."}, {"x": "owl. how do we go? we will do what? jump?", "y": "i can jump it."}, {"x": "recently, you need two tries to get up from the couch.you can not skip it.", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "really.", "y": "look."}, {"x": "right?", "y": "do not worry. if i can jump tonight, it will save the evening."}, {"x": "honey, come down here, please.", "y": "when evel knievel rode his rocket star on the shore of snake river canyon, you think his wife said \"honey, come down here '?"}, {"x": "for the last time, i'm not linda knievel! i will never be linda knievel!", "y": "no need to remind me."}, {"x": "marshall, do not do that. do not jump, please.", "y": "sorry, but i have to."}, {"x": "you can not.", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "you want a reason? you're going to have one. i am pregnant.", "y": "my god! my god, really? i saw you look fat..."}, {"x": "i was lying, bastard! go ahead, jump! i hope u gonna die!", "y": "this is the permission i needed."}, {"x": "it's not great?", "y": "it is. it... is... go! it is."}, {"x": "and you've said anything since? bravo.", "y": "bravo, lily. i mean, what a b*mb. who saw this coming?"}, {"x": "you know since when?", "y": "7 months and 29 days."}, {"x": "i'll marry barney in a large church. we'll move to new hampshire and open cottages.", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "you're right. for the first time he likes a girl, she pushes him away? and not just any girl. it's going to destroy it.", "y": "ok, first... second, there is a trick you can try. it's risky, but it can pay off. lack of anything better, i'll call it... the mosby."}, {"x": "no, she can not mosbyser.", "y": "it could squarely mosbyser."}, {"x": "what is the mosby?", "y": "do you remember your first time with ted? you wanted to get on the train ted, visit his yard."}, {"x": "i was ready to jump the turnstile.", "y": "what changed everything?"}, {"x": "the mosby! it's great! and... excuse me.", "y": "you're really pretty, but abnormally high and you will not believe in ghosts."}, {"x": "marshall, you can pick up ted?", "y": "i was about to jump. you've not heard saying \"ok\" loop?"}, {"x": "i'm sorry. go ahead and jump.", "y": "it's good. sorry, everyone. lily does not want me jumping. thank god."}, {"x": "mr. goat? it's a girl. her name is missy.", "y": "you got b*at by a girl."}, {"x": "sven...", "y": "i'll tell you, i will eat more chops."}, {"x": "yeah, right.", "y": "i will not eat.. never... chops! before ted!"}, {"x": "look what the world tells you to do and took the leap.", "y": "you're right. you're completely right. i love you, lily."}, {"x": "do not do that. not cool.", "y": "i did it!"}, {"x": "honey, you did it!", "y": "i can do anything!"}, {"x": "it's true!", "y": "i bought a motorcycle!"}, {"x": "no, not at all!", "y": "ok, sorry. come on, guys."}, {"x": "we were gonna take cooking lessons together and we were gonna go on camping trips together and then we were gonna sit around telling funny stories about our cooking lessons and our camping trips.", "y": "i know. i know. so... has the boat sailed on sex tonight or..."}, {"x": "wow! what's this?", "y": "it's just a little something that we got for you that used to belong to my favourite professor of all time."}, {"x": "you know what we should do? we should...", "y": "finish our drinks, go out in the alley, and whip stuff."}, {"x": "i should go, too. i hooked up with this chinese girl last night and i don't know, it's weird. i already feel like seconds.", "y": "ok ted, you got first whip!"}, {"x": "all right. hey, dummy. what did tell you about smoking in here?", "y": "make him whip the habit! i'so excited about this whip! i got whip fever! just whip him, ted! don't even aim! just whip him!"}, {"x": "i'm so sorry.", "y": "it's just the whip's not a toy. there's such a thing as common sense, you know."}, {"x": "you can whip me if you want.", "y": "i will, some other time."}, {"x": "okay, look, mistake number 1 was taking that girl's question. you don't take questions on the first day. it shows weakness. mistake number 2 was you should've hit that. dude, your pants were already off, you had a classroom full of people to cheer you on, and you can't knock her up 'cause it's a dream. class dismissed.", "y": "mistake number 3, dude, where was the hat? cause if you're not going to wear it, i'm taking it back."}, {"x": "we're not gonna have the talk.", "y": "would you just have the talk, okay? it's a five-minute conversation, and then you get to have sex afterwards. it's great! back me up, ted."}, {"x": "i don't think the talk is necessary.", "y": "what?!"}, {"x": "i've done all three of those things with robin. is she my girlfriend?", "y": "just once, i wish you guys would call me on tuxedo night."}, {"x": "well, guess what? i broughtmarshall with me, so maybe we'll do the same.", "y": "hey, guys."}, {"x": "just hanging out? not good enough.", "y": "not good enough!"}, {"x": "economics?", "y": "\"we're seeing where things are going.\""}, {"x": "i'll tell you where things aren't doing... out of that bedroom. not good enough.", "y": "not good enough!"}, {"x": "yes, exactly. it's not something you want to be. it's something you need to be. you don't have a choice, right? none of you has a choice.", "y": "\"we're barnman and robin.\" come on, you got to admit, that's kind of fun, lily."}, {"x": "not... good enough.", "y": "not good enough!"}, {"x": "that's awesome, ted.", "y": "congratulations, buddy."}, {"x": "yeah, i got you, buddy. they still haven't had the talk?", "y": "i think i know how to speed things up"}, {"x": "yeah, um, isn't it a little early in our relationship to do something that would end our relationship?", "y": "what? no, what are you talking about? it can be our first double date as couples! and plus, it sounds awesome! is the original chewbacca going to be there?"}, {"x": "peter mayhew, in the fur. who's with me?", "y": "hey, do you think they'll have wookiee to english dictionaries there? i mean, even just an everyday phrase book would be helpful."}, {"x": "we're not going to the \"origins of chewbacca\" exhibit,marshall. it's inhouston this year. everyone knows that. i just wanted to get rid of the girls.", "y": "where are you taking me, barney?"}, {"x": "stop the cab.", "y": "barney, why are we here?"}, {"x": "marshall, now that robin and i are together, i've learned a lot about relationships by watching you and lily.", "y": "thanks, man."}, {"x": "you're a terrible couple. lily has taken all the man out of you. i used to think that's just every relationship. but what i've got with robin proves that you can have a girlfriend and fully functioning male genitalia all at the same time.", "y": "okay, right. so, if robin knew that you were here, she would be completely fine with it?"}, {"x": "i'm an architect. hopefully, one day, i can use my own humble brush on the masterpiece that ismanhattan's skyline.", "y": "married!"}, {"x": "what is wrong with you? you're just looking. it's like fantasizing about other women. it's harmless. wait. don't tell me you don't fantasize about other women.", "y": "i do! it's just not that easy."}, {"x": "false! i once fantasized about that silhouette chick you see on a truck's mudflaps. took me less than a mile.", "y": "not everyone is you, okay, barney? even when i do start to have a dirty thought like that... it seems so much like cheating on lily, that i feel guilty. so first, i need to have a different fantasy."}, {"x": "bad news. lily has a rare and fatal hiccup disorder that's apparently medical illegitimate.", "y": "what?! how could this be?!"}, {"x": "it's time, baby.", "y": "i will never love again."}, {"x": "delivery for marshall eriksen.", "y": "this one's for you lily. where do i sign?"}, {"x": "that is the saddest thing i've ever heard. dude, lily gets you in real life she has no business in your fantasies.", "y": "it's all i know, okay? i can't, i can't help it."}, {"x": "i'm speechless, too. everything's as perky as we've always imagined!", "y": "stop looking at her."}, {"x": "oh, i will. but first, i'm going to makemarshall watch as i wedge ulysses s. grant between his wife's tatas.", "y": "i'll k*ll you!"}, {"x": "you will not believe who we saw tonight.", "y": "dude, um..."}, {"x": "and there was a stripper who looked exactly like me?", "y": "okay, babe, look, before you get mad, let me..."}, {"x": "trouble? what trouble?", "y": "it's, no, it's nothing."}, {"x": "no, we're not.", "y": "lily, sometimes i think about other women. okay, it happens. but even when i do, i feel so guilty that i have to imagine you... passing away first, because even in a fantasy world, i could never cheat on you. you're... you're just my life, baby. and i love you."}, {"x": "you k*ll me off?! i mean, fantasize about other girls all you want, but could you maybe not m*rder me?!", "y": "m*rder?! no! i, baby-no. you develop a chronic illness! i spare no expense for your care! i even stand up a foundation in your name. we're, like, this close to a cure."}, {"x": "oh, let's not forget the menu typo gold mine. keep pannin' that river, buddy.", "y": "well, it is a lot cheaper than buying a condom. oh!"}, {"x": "okay, when stripper lily gets out here, you have my permission to fantasize about her. and since she's basically me, maybe you won't feel guilty.", "y": "thanks, baby. i'm-i'm so lucky i have you. and stripper you."}, {"x": "i am hot! oh, crawl for it, stripper me.i is awesome. baby, can i get another hundred?", "y": "that was a hundred?"}, {"x": "wow.", "y": "wow."}, {"x": "just the best.", "y": "hey. girlfriend trouble? i wish i could help, but my unbelievably cool wife just bought us a private dance with her stripper body double. so if you need me, i'll be getting grinded like some pepper, in thechampagne room."}, {"x": "no! stop! stop! eye contact. listen to me. robin scherbatsky is many things friend, confidant, occasional guest star in some confusing dreams that remind me a woman's sexuality is a moving target. but she is no crazy, jealous stalker-bitch. let go.", "y": "hey, i've been down in the basement storage area going through all the stuff that lily and i left behind when we moved out. i'm robin. we should've cleared it out for you much sooner."}, {"x": "there's a basement storage area?", "y": "oh, you're not upset. good. baby, guess what i found."}, {"x": "marshall got it in college. he used it as a nightstand for years.", "y": "until we found out that lily was allergic to barrel resin"}, {"x": "so you need a hand throwing it out?", "y": "no, i'm not... i'm not just going to throw her out, okay? mabel's like family."}, {"x": "so, um, what are you gonna do with mabel?", "y": "i want to give her away, um, to a lucky new owner. do you know anyone?"}, {"x": "yeah, hmm, let me think. do i know any rodeo clowns? oh, that's weird, i do. but even lenny wouldn't go near that mess.", "y": "well, he's not going to have the chance, because i am putting old mabel in the bermuda triangle."}, {"x": "be cool, baby. damn! see you, sweetie. good luck.", "y": "bye, babe."}, {"x": "oh, my god, he's cheating on me with some college girl. i knew there was a skank but i thought she'd at least be dumb \"birthday july 23.favorite hockey team the vancouver canucks. age 29, but tells people that she's 26.\" oh, my god,these are notes about me. or some 29-year-old version of me.", "y": "she's still there! okay mabel, let's find you a new home. here comes a guy! and he... he just walked, walked right on by it. he's probably rushing home to get a handcart or something. yeah! hey, better hurry up, pal. what are you guys doing with barney's secret robin notebook? let me rephrase that. did you two ladies lose some weight?"}, {"x": "why would barney have a notebook full of information about me?", "y": "well..."}, {"x": "did you know that before intercourse, the male and female emperor penguins bow to each other? mr. penguin. mrs. penguin. oh, god, silly penguins, acting all fancy. what were we talking about?", "y": "uh-oh. looks like we got a taker. oh, come on, dude. you know you want to a guy like you, beard, no mustache. you're exactly the kind of guy who could use a sweet barrel. do it. no. no. that's not a fire hydrant! what..."}, {"x": "neither can you, sweetie.", "y": "well, he doesn't know that, baby! god!"}, {"x": "okay, can i just say that my deepest need in life not to have my father to say, \"i am proud of you, eh?\"", "y": "so why are you crying now?"}, {"x": "marshall, did you sells out?", "y": "i was vulnerable, i said good-bye to a very dear friend today."}, {"x": "ah, tweed. textile of the eunuch.", "y": "you know, i've always wondered why those tweed jackets have elbow patches."}, {"x": "welcome.", "y": "gouda?"}, {"x": "this is great. we're having fun. you're having fun, right?", "y": "so, should we just go ahead and lock the four of us in for new year's?"}, {"x": "um, it's april.", "y": "right. sorry. we're getting ahead of ourselves. let's talk thanksgiving."}, {"x": "well, we should probably be going.", "y": "wait. but, wait, if you leave now, colonel mustard just gets away with it."}, {"x": "there's still pie.", "y": "tonight was fantastic. we should do it again."}, {"x": "okay. game time. let's review the flow of the room. barney and robin enter here. stop here for margaritas. that's a great conversation starter. we can tell them about nour trip to cabo.", "y": "great, 'cause i got that story about sammy hagar anthe belgian waffle locked and loaded."}, {"x": "then we'll move on to the hot apps station. and, depending on how things are going, some lively pre-dinner charades.", "y": "right, but, uh, we'll play that one by..."}, {"x": "sounds like?", "y": "okay, you can be robin's partner."}, {"x": "welcome.", "y": "gouda?"}, {"x": "nailed it!", "y": "best night ever!"}, {"x": "hey. come on in. would you like a margarita?", "y": "in cabo, i saw sammy hagar eating a belgian waffle!"}, {"x": "that's prosciutto-wrapped melon.", "y": "you guys are going to want to get in on thisgouda."}, {"x": "that's seared scallops with a mango chutney.", "y": "seriously, don't sleep on thegouda."}, {"x": "and that's lobster ravioli in a black truffle oil.", "y": "ooh...tick-tock goes thegouda clock."}, {"x": "what do you mean, the egg timer is broken? what are we going to use for charades, sweetie?", "y": "i'm working on it, darling. okay? just stall them."}, {"x": "this is a web sitemarshall already made about last night. it's called itwasthebestnightever.com.", "y": "it was the best night ever laughter raining down like april showers oh, we talked for hours... best night ever..."}, {"x": "oh, that's not good.", "y": "then we played charades. lily made some creme brulee, lay-lay-lay-lay and now that we're best couple friends there's only one thing left to say... are you free? are you free? are you free? are you free? are you free next saturday? that's the 17th.are you free? friday or sunday would also work. or basically any other day."}, {"x": "i mean, we knew we were gonna have fun tonight, but we had no idea how much.", "y": "oh."}, {"x": "wait, you guys were serious about that?", "y": "oh, we never joke about b&b's, especially at the height of syrup season."}, {"x": "check it out. saturday we've got apple-picking, antiquing, then a hated hay ride.", "y": "and then on sunday, we're up at 600 a.m. for the fall foliage hike. now, you better pack your long johns, 'cause it is cold up there."}, {"x": "wow, barney. that kind of sounds like the stuff you say to girls when you're too much of a coward to dump them.", "y": "yeah. you know, that's exactly what it sounds like. but if that's true, that's awesome."}, {"x": "come on,marshall.", "y": "let's go."}, {"x": "no...lily...", "y": "you know what? i hope those underwater aliens are cold-blooded. 'cause then you guys will get along just fine."}, {"x": "we're so lovable.", "y": "no, we're not. we're ugly and gross."}, {"x": "i thought we did everything right.", "y": "i know! i know. we had thegouda. we had my waffle story. i even sent them a awesome photo montage. nothing."}, {"x": "i can't believe you sent them one of those. they think we're insane now.", "y": "if i recall, they didn't dump us until you brought up thatvermont trip. it was way too early. first, a boat ride around the city, then a trip tovermont. it's a rookie mistake, and you're better than that."}, {"x": "oh, what about you forgetting to check the egg timer for charades? i gave you one thing to do,marshall. one thing.", "y": "one thing? one thing? wow. really? so, i guess that gouda just walked itself right through the door...sliced itself up, and arranged itself in a perfect semi-circle around not three, not four... but five different kinds of sturdy, cheese-bearing crackers?"}, {"x": "oh. i wish you had called.", "y": "i swear, he was right there just eating a belgian waffle!"}, {"x": "well, he can't have enjoyed it as much as i'm enjoying thisgouda!", "y": "oh!"}, {"x": "wait. we just want...", "y": "hey! hey, guys."}, {"x": "oh, we can't. we're here with py and shea.", "y": "yeah, sorry."}, {"x": "they just moved here fromhawaii. py is a total foodie", "y": "mmm!"}, {"x": "and shea, well... she's...", "y": "shea...shea is just..."}, {"x": "wow, it sounds like this is getting pretty serious.", "y": "well, we don't want to jinx it, but, uh... we kind of think they might be the two. ooh."}, {"x": "okay, guys, i've got some bad news for you. so i'm just going to come out and say it. you're a couple. and no matter how hard you try to fight it, couples need other couples. that's why you miss marshall and lily. and can't you just admit that?", "y": "oh, yeah!"}, {"x": "you guys are the best.", "y": "oh, right back at you!"}, {"x": "you don't.", "y": "you know what? we have two very nice people up in that apartment who are perfect for us."}, {"x": "damn it. why is there something so attractive about a bad boy... and girl?", "y": "i think we can change them."}, {"x": "shrimp fried rice totally. anyway, speaking of food, marshall, i've got so bad news. just read online, gazzola's is closing.", "y": "no!"}, {"x": "a filthy mecca of spectacular if undercooked pizza located at 316 kinzie street, chicago, illinois.", "y": "back in college, ted and i used to take these crazy road trips from connecticut all the way to chicago just for gazzola's pizza."}, {"x": "22 hours. no map. we'd just jump in the fiero and drive. we were like lewis and clark, if lewis and clark peed in empty soda bottles and had a bong made out of a cantaloupe.", "y": "man, those gazzola trips, that's... that's when we really became bros."}, {"x": "mm. we ate nothing but jerky.", "y": "drank nothing but tantrum."}, {"x": "i was color blind for two weeks after that.", "y": "i think that's the reason that i pass out when i hear church bells."}, {"x": "it's probably a good thing they're closing gazzola's. those trips were brutal, right? the long hours in the car, the motion sickness, the smell.", "y": "so what time are we leaving for gazzola's tomorrow?"}, {"x": "do you watch the jets game?", "y": "we most certainly did."}, {"x": "how'd things go at the doctor?", "y": "we no longer have a hemorrhoid problem."}, {"x": "yes, i do! i don't why they make phone books anymore. everything's online, right?", "y": "tantrum!"}, {"x": "you invited lily?", "y": "we most certainly did!"}, {"x": "oh, that's a great idea. i think i have some jerky boys.", "y": "goodbye, sparky."}, {"x": "goodbye sparky, by nick leotti. read to you by kenny rogers.", "y": "oh!"}, {"x": "ah, i do.", "y": "well, don't worry, the next exit's the hotel. we can go there."}, {"x": "crumpet manor is listed in the american registry of historic bed and breakfasts. our door is opened on christmas day, 1881. and we have catered to couples ever since.", "y": "well, i mean, single people can have fun here, too, right?"}, {"x": "it didn't work, i'm still here. marshall, what are we doing? we should be on the road.", "y": "ok, ted, we're not in college anymore, okay? we don't have to drive all night."}, {"x": "hey, man.", "y": "shh."}, {"x": "sorry about what i said before. you want to go to the store and get some beer?", "y": "lily is asleep. i suppose i could reschedule my pedicure. what the hell? but only light beer because we have a couple hike in the morning."}, {"x": "chicago.", "y": "what are you doing? we can't just leave lily. when she wakes up, she's going to freak!"}, {"x": "she'll have a back rub and a crumpet. she'll be fine. relax. have some fun.", "y": "i just abandoned my wife. how am i supposed to have fun?"}, {"x": "hey, you really think lily's pissed?", "y": "if she's pissed, she's pissed."}, {"x": "kind of cross.", "y": "you're making me wonder if this pizza is worth the 22 hour drive."}, {"x": "just like old times!", "y": "i feel so young again except for the chest pains."}, {"x": "it's no big secret. it's made of cornmeal.", "y": "cornmeal..."}, {"x": "and there's kids playing hockey on the back. it's like you want us to make fun of you.", "y": "i don't want this anymore."}, {"x": "dude, don't look at it. that's a rookie mistake.", "y": "we shouldn't have left lily."}, {"x": "well, if you're so worried, why don't you give her a call?", "y": "i have. i left her, like, 20 messages. i said, \"i'm sorry. please forgive me. it's all ted's fault!\""}, {"x": "what exactly is \"ted's fault\"?", "y": "this! this whole thing! we were having a perfectly nice trip, and then you kidnapped me. you didn't even let me, put on underwear!"}, {"x": "we never used to put on underwear! that was the fun of a bro's trip to gazzola's! we left everything, and everyone behind. it was just you and me! but now it's like you've disappeared into lily.", "y": "that is not true."}, {"x": "it is true. you're not upset because you're worried she's mad. you're upset because you'd rather be with her, eating muffins than here with me, eating this delicious... i think one of my mushrooms just crawled away.", "y": "well, you know what? that mushroom's not the only thing that's living. car keys, please."}, {"x": "sparky was my best friend, but after i married helen, old spark started to feel a little left out. for so long, it had been just me and him, but now he suddenly felt like helen had taken his place. what sparky didn't realize was, even though i loved helen, i still loved him, too. i had room in my heart for both of them. but maybe i should have put aside some special ball-tossing time just for the two of us t o make sure sparky knew that he was a good boy. i wish now i had, 'cause old sparky ran out in front of a cadillac and got splattered like a watermelon in one of them gallagher shows.", "y": "i'm sorry, ted!"}, {"x": "i'm sorry! no, i'm sorry. i never should have been mad at you!", "y": "no, i never should have brought lily. she pees all the time, even at the apartment. still bros?"}, {"x": "best bros. hey, you want to crank some van halen just like old times?", "y": "hells, yeah!"}, {"x": "or listen to the sparky book again?", "y": "listen to the sparky book again."}, {"x": "no, i can see out of my left eye again.", "y": "hey, baby? baby?"}, {"x": "hmm? yeah?", "y": "i'm so sorry that we left you."}, {"x": "so, i had a great time, too.", "y": "that's good. and i'm so sorry you didn't get any pizza."}, {"x": "oh, that's okay.", "y": "god, my stomach! damn you, gazzola's!"}, {"x": "it's like a hot ball of lead!", "y": "baby, cut it out of me."}, {"x": "baby, you can wash it?", "y": "no problem."}, {"x": "an ottoman 19th in an antique shop.", "y": "what's new?"}, {"x": "according to barney, lily asking you to do your own dishes right away is a sign that your marriage falls apart.", "y": "why? lily loves a clean sink so i do the dishes right away, what's the problem?"}, {"x": "i'll tell you what's the problem. you know how i was always the best single? now i'm the best in relationship. even better than you and lily.", "y": "look at you. you got a girlfriend for 5 minutes and you think playing in the big leagues. adorable. son... i'm in a relationship for your ponytail and that you were playing the guitar with dave matthews mom. i am a good boyfriend when i sleep. i can do a k*ller foot massage, hand and prepare a great chamomile on the other, which would make you cry. damn, i know more about how to make popcorn and watch movies with sandra bullock in that you'll ever know, but thank you to worry, blue."}, {"x": "let me ask you a question.", "y": "go ahead."}, {"x": "do you mind you, if the sink is full of dirty dishes?", "y": "not really."}, {"x": "so what is the problem of lily, not yours.", "y": "but if i said that, we will play, so..."}, {"x": "this is not true.", "y": "i can not believe robin supports it."}, {"x": "do not worry. it also has a good way to avoid arguments.", "y": "you're leaving. robin begins to coat. i never heard anything so stupid."}, {"x": "well, the thing naked is not bad. it was weird.", "y": "call me crazy."}, {"x": "mad.", "y": "but when you have a problem with lily, it is discussed."}, {"x": "there's so much to do with the mouth. why spoil it by talking? but if you insist, here's what i would say on the dishes if i was married to lily.", "y": "go to the basics!"}, {"x": "are you kidding me.", "y": "wait, ted. listen to the man."}, {"x": "you b*at him or i do it?", "y": "he's right."}, {"x": "the piercing was cool.", "y": "it was cool, huh?"}, {"x": "stay with me! barney is wrong.", "y": "no, not at all. i hate doing the dishes right away."}, {"x": "you just said the opposite!", "y": "i hate it! i hate it from the depths of my soul! i hate it! i hate it i hate it!"}, {"x": "have fun.", "y": "barney... with his madness, his theory goes well thought might work."}, {"x": "i will repeat once. this is a bad idea.", "y": "will it work."}, {"x": "a second time. this is a bad idea.", "y": "barney argued logically. lily is a reasonable woman. i think if i explain, understand and can go in my opinion."}, {"x": "no. she will be angry and you will play.", "y": "it is a slap bet?"}, {"x": "baby, you can do the dishes?", "y": "lily, i am delighted that you mention."}, {"x": "short, and your weekend?", "y": "terrible. and because of you! i listened to your advice stupid!"}, {"x": "baby, you can do the dishes?", "y": "lily, i am delighted that you mention. no. and that's why... it's like, okay? you want me to get up and i wash my dishes. but maybe... i want you... combs the ceiling, right? i can say, \"yes. i will do my dishes, if you get up and you painted the ceiling of naked babies. \" you see? it's just..."}, {"x": "what happened to the \"i'm tired after my exhausting day and i want to use what little energy i have left to cover you with love\"?", "y": "i should have noted."}, {"x": "excuse me?", "y": "dance for me."}, {"x": "so you're saying you should not do the dishes because you work harder than me.", "y": "it's not what i say... but it's true. and suddenly, we argue as to who works the hardest."}, {"x": "i teach kindergarten. i shape the leaders of tomorrow.", "y": "you eat cookies and you glue stuff. and other disputes are parties. until there is so much we can no longer follow."}, {"x": "if you need to go there at night, or you turn on the light or toilet you sit.", "y": "my mother does not hate you. it is neutral about you.i'm not afraid of your imitation of shining. i just did not need to hear it mostly at night."}, {"x": "danny is not here, mrs. torrance.", "y": "do not do that, please."}, {"x": "you need to be angry. dispute yourself stronger.imagine that marshall never have to wash dishes in all your life, all the plates are clean. why, it would relieve any anxiety to any meal. not having to tie your t-shirt to form a bowl of salted fortune for your pleasures. this world belongs to you, marshall.beach house, take it, put yourself in holiday clothes, benefits.", "y": "he's right."}, {"x": "barney's stupid ideas you have put into this mess. there is no escaping it. make this stupid dishwasher.", "y": "this dish is my manhood! and i want to leave my manhood deep in the dirty sink full of ketchup and pasta..."}, {"x": "what do you eat?", "y": "well sh*t, it's my right! i will wipe my manhood when i'm ready!"}, {"x": "i did not have the strength to tell them to stop, because, good for them. so i told them you want to welcome, ate a hard caramel, acquiesced to some r*cist comments and i left.", "y": "i do not care if the dishes are not done. if you do not give a damn, do it."}, {"x": "super. so i do not care if you have an orgasm. if you do not give a damn, do it yourself.", "y": "i spent 18 years without a woman does not affect me. i can do it again."}, {"x": "you will perhaps have to do it again.", "y": "i do not know what to do. we never had to fight so long. it's as if i no longer existed. sunday morning, she made a pancake, ted. a pancake and a slice of bacon."}, {"x": "it's your fault. you took advice in love with barney.", "y": "well, maybe barney was all inclusive. he and ro-ro are the best pair now. with lily it was dethroned."}, {"x": "i do not like with you either.", "y": "apparently, she loves them now. and... come on, someone had to stop t-mose."}, {"x": "t-mose was great. i think of the show.", "y": "the bagpipe seems different today. there was an echo."}, {"x": "marshall, dinner is ready.", "y": "you've done for me?"}, {"x": "no, but what is your favorite.", "y": "i'll do the dishes directly to my death."}, {"x": "i do not care when you take out. but if it is made of cheese as a good ziti, do soak.", "y": "sure, honey."}, {"x": "i love you.", "y": "i love you too."}, {"x": "you see? at the moment, how did you do to fix everything?", "y": "i do not know. sometimes you just let his ego aside."}, {"x": "we won!", "y": "best couple of the world!"}, {"x": "voluntarily, you abandon your p*rn...? you're really serious.", "y": "this is obvious."}, {"x": "what does that mean?", "y": "nothing, it's just, you know, you have love handles."}, {"x": "what?! i have no love handles. this is ridiculous.", "y": "it's nothing. once you're with someone, it is natural to let some go. trust me. it's been there."}, {"x": "my god, matte videos. the orgy of space? the surprise party of 23 students naughty?", "y": "you'd think after 22 celebrations, students would no longer surprises."}, {"x": "are you sure? it's nothing. we can go around back and throw the box in the trash.", "y": "i read six of the words you just said about this jacket."}, {"x": "let them! in a sense, it's sad, right? barney who abandons his p*rn. he has love handles. they eat the same thing every night. we are witnessing the end of barney stinson as we know it.", "y": "so what? they are happy."}, {"x": "let's go. a more.", "y": "so you're what?"}, {"x": "i tail-dalle.", "y": "what...? i thought i had seen in one take."}, {"x": "barney and robin are in love, but they are more barney and robin. they are big and old.", "y": "my favorite cop show."}, {"x": "it might be the problem. they are too similar. it's hard to have two dominant in a relationship.", "y": "we are two dominant sets."}, {"x": "of course, my heart.", "y": "if they are not happy, why not break?"}, {"x": "they are too stubborn. neither wants to be the first to admit he no longer wants. they play at first that deflates.", "y": "i think the first who plays barney deflates."}, {"x": "independents. every relationship goes through there.", "y": "it's true... i had a friend astronaut, totally in love with his fiancee. on the eve of her mission, she surprised him with four other girls and two guys. it has become intense. she ended up sneaking into the space shuttle..."}, {"x": "talk about space orgy?", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "it's a bad time. let us do things.", "y": "she's right."}, {"x": "did you notice that the beef ribs were absolutely disgusting, but recently they have become delicious?", "y": "i'll get to the point, and ask you a question. are you happy with robin?"}, {"x": "are you kidding?! how could i not be? it's robin!", "y": "so you're happy?"}, {"x": "can you ask me this question. we argue constantly, but you know what they say about relationships, \"every moment is a battle.\"", "y": "so you're happy?"}, {"x": "it's face.", "y": "we must break them. you're right. barney and robin are unhappy together but they are too stubborn to admit it. we must make the break."}, {"x": "what next?", "y": "we will release... the kraken."}, {"x": "forget. i took my retirement. i no longer.", "y": "but you're the best."}, {"x": "i just started.", "y": "please. you've got to break. this relationship is k*lling them."}, {"x": "no need for it. we can do it alone.", "y": "how?"}, {"x": "if robin thinks for one second that barney wants to marry her, she petera a lead and they will break.", "y": "that sucks. why not let barney be tempted by a sexy girl? okay, going to the ring."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "it should take one. we have ordered pizza, watched through binoculars and said, \"that's not why i signed,\" or stuff like that."}, {"x": "you have lost your mind? you knew they were playing that first deflates, and what? you give them an engagement ring!okay, that's good. i care. i return to the center stage for a final rupture.", "y": "what next?"}, {"x": "alan thicke?", "y": "oh yes. robin was known when she sang."}, {"x": "this is your masterpiece.", "y": "it takes a surveillance van!"}, {"x": "a van costs $ 25 more.", "y": "a break?"}, {"x": "no one said this in star wars.", "y": "very bad robot voice."}, {"x": "a film of barney begins like that.", "y": "barney five... order something."}, {"x": "now you mention the movie.", "y": "it continues. the server supports a second sheet."}, {"x": "a van is more expensive.", "y": "thank you!"}, {"x": "if you work the costume, they will pay us.", "y": "stop and think only of money."}, {"x": "sorry for the delay. i was looking for a van.", "y": "thank you!"}, {"x": "no, go up. wait... when they blew the death star with thousands of stormtroopers it was human?", "y": "it was the death star. they did not sign in the wind."}, {"x": "i can go talk to barney? i'm too excited. you really think he'll ask me to marry?", "y": "forget it is located. if you try something, they'll know it's us. we should all go..."}, {"x": "because they love.", "y": "it was a bad spot."}, {"x": "it's true. thin. maybe in 39 years, if you have not found anyone...", "y": "so, how is barney?"}, {"x": "all women of new york. that's right, barney stinson is back on the market. mother, lock your daughters. daughters, lock your maqacenjar.", "y": "maqacenjar?"}, {"x": "the roles book contains all the scams, trickery, deception, underhand, cunning, nonsense, and embobinages tricks i used, or expected use, to nab the girls and do their business.", "y": "you're writing another book? stephen king was one right there."}, {"x": "hello, girls!", "y": "i do not see how it could not walk."}, {"x": "glad you asked. the lorenzon von matterhorn will be my comeback on stage. or, you know, in my bed. in fact, my bed is on a stage. i put it on a platform and installed lighting. a real production. barney goes!", "y": "and you robin? you leave it in play? where is your book of roles?"}, {"x": "it's going to happen.", "y": "bluntly."}, {"x": "you'll fall in love.", "y": "very soon."}, {"x": "we play pyramid. what people are saying just before meeting the love.", "y": "kelly harris, a fellow law school, said... \"the law school is too hard, i want to focus on courses. \"six months later?married!"}, {"x": "i answer? it's good for them...", "y": "matthew blitz, accounting job, said... \"i will die alone.to focus as much on taxes this year. \"six months later? pacs and plans to marry pending the enactment of the act currently in the senate from new york!"}, {"x": "it happens, whatever you say. it is a law of nature.", "y": "judged. by nature."}, {"x": "he is. it is so great and attentive and intelligent.", "y": "another chicken and stick to you the crown!"}, {"x": "it still is. and you're ready.", "y": "but you can put three times more than chicken fingers in your mouth. you know."}, {"x": "it's his life. these girls had it coming if they are stupid enough to be fooled.", "y": "i agree. you've seen one called the sn\u00e5sa?"}, {"x": "or rather, look for a husband.", "y": "grave."}, {"x": "taking the newspaper, think to watch the ads for marriages.for yours.", "y": "it's like that. have you any idea how many times in my life when i went to look for frozen waffles frozen in vain?"}, {"x": "thousands?", "y": "millions. but when i go in search of a mirror or the remote because lily and i had an argument and she has hidden there, whereupon i fall? frozen waffles. it's like that. you go out to get the newspaper, but you come back with frozen waffles.and there, frozen waffles he's a guy. as long as you're there, you take it back frozen waffles? and there, frozen waffles are... frozen waffles."}, {"x": "oh, my god, it's horrible. i wonder if it works.", "y": "and yet this is not the worst. do you saw my penis grants wishes?"}, {"x": "he starts singing and objects come alive and dance with him.", "y": "it's not very well designed. this is not ms. stinsfire."}, {"x": "it's good. i put the book of roles on the internet. baby, you can put the book of roles on the internet?", "y": "sure baby, but there is something odd. i flipped through the whole book. there is no role called the diver."}, {"x": "wait. why he wears a wetsuit?", "y": "i have no idea. and it's k*lling us, claire. it kills us!"}, {"x": "it's okay. it's hard for me too. look at me. i gave up on relationships.", "y": "she is getting married."}, {"x": "i will prepare my toast.", "y": "i have to check my tuxedo."}, {"x": "come on, go out with him.", "y": "it's a coffee, huh?"}, {"x": "okay, okay. going for coffee.", "y": "i'm proud of him. it takes a lot of pringles to be as vulnerable."}, {"x": "no comment. the blue jacket, it does not suit me, so...", "y": "right, because here it is. it is this type! let him at least a chance. get out a bit with it, see if it can give something."}, {"x": "i will work.", "y": "yeah, right."}, {"x": "we brought the turkey.", "y": "you have brought back an old turkey replacement.why i have not listened to the message of former mayor ed koch saying not to forget my business."}, {"x": "with robin we went to the objects found in the prefecture and there, sitting in their fridge... is this your turkey?", "y": "yes! it's my turkey! come here, my beautiful little enfoir\u00e9e!"}, {"x": "i'll go put it in the oven.", "y": "you're the best friends in the world!"}, {"x": "you have done the same for us.", "y": "yes, and you know why? because i love you. and i'll show you how. ted mosby and robin scherbatsky, i bring you... the fourth slap."}, {"x": "what you think you say?", "y": "certainly not. unless you were thinking... \"baffegiving two revenge of the lower\" in this case, yes, that's what i'm saying!"}, {"x": "the slaps are not transferable.", "y": "lily is the curator of the bet."}, {"x": "you realize that you will remain one. are you sure you want to spend a day.", "y": "life is short. i tell myself, baffe diem. a rule, the slap must be given before sunset to avoid interference dinner lily."}, {"x": "and how!", "y": "two, you must decide which of you will. three, we will attach to the chair barney, now be called the throne of baffe. it fits you?"}, {"x": "well, just play the new game from dad, \"there is a demon clown under the bed.\"", "y": "rita, you are anxious... to move to florida?"}, {"x": "it's not my first choice. with the old schnoques up there it's a little disturbing. they do not understand the trick of the sock on the handle.", "y": "they surprised you with a girl?"}, {"x": "what is he doing here?", "y": "i do not know but we should bring him in and discover."}, {"x": "i want to see him! returns it!", "y": "stay there, okay? we will solve the problem."}, {"x": "i die, i, here. ted takes a chip, i jump! robin arranges her hair, i jump! i jump all the time. it's bad for my skin. it gives me wrinkles. wrinkles!", "y": "lily, go. it's been 3 years. this is long enough."}, {"x": "the equity in my life brings me nothing but stress. it's easier that he is dead to me.", "y": "i've supported when our neighbor, mr. sias, d*ed in your sight."}, {"x": "ok... you dirty bastard! it was not decaf!", "y": "i've supported with these unknowns, but it's your father, okay? we can at least give him some turkey?"}, {"x": "no.", "y": "go. please, i can not ask him to leave at thanksgiving."}, {"x": "you did not ask. tell him it's just important that it is here. in less than two, it will be a games convention in toledo, to give money to your dental apparatus in a so-called milton bradley.", "y": "he was trying to earn money to feed his family."}, {"x": "no, that's what mom was doing with his two jobs. this man broke my heart every day for 20 years.", "y": "so we can give pieces of chicken not cooked."}, {"x": "this is interesting.", "y": "it's your family. and i'm sorry but we do not separate the family."}, {"x": "it's easy for you to say that, you come to the family the most ridiculously close to the world.", "y": "it is not ridiculously close."}, {"x": "i'm sorry but it's weird.", "y": "a family must be close like that. and i want our future family is. and that includes your father."}, {"x": "i can not believe you take her part. let me be clear. this man will never set foot in this house, ever!", "y": "it will take about 5 minutes."}, {"x": "i hope it's soon. i lose the w*r against hemorrhoids.", "y": "it's a disease?"}, {"x": "i really want to slap!", "y": "your father has made mistakes in the past, but it has changed. he moved out of your grandparents. he has a job. he pays his taxes."}, {"x": "wait, how you know all this?", "y": "gender, body language. okay, we had a drink last week."}, {"x": "i miss her so much. my little princess. she talks about me?", "y": "yeah, kind, all the time. she tells this story all the time..."}, {"x": "never?", "y": "no, not a word. but that does not have to be like that.we can fix that, right?"}, {"x": "i always thought it would arrange the marriage. i even wrote a speech. but hey, not invited '. thin, i have not even seen the wedding photo.", "y": "and right before my eyes, your father broke down in tears. stop it! you come to thanksgiving!"}, {"x": "you've invited?!", "y": "the poor man was sobbing. what could i do? a fool and called him a girl, what i found unjustified."}, {"x": "i do not believe you. what gives you the right to do that?", "y": "you and i are married. so it is also part of my family enter."}, {"x": "ted, you should play quickly. your gallbladder is about to explode.", "y": "it must be half an hour. we should get lily."}, {"x": "baffe-solument.", "y": "we should really get lily."}, {"x": "sorry, ted. expl*si*n of the gallbladder. you stand back 3 spaces.", "y": "you come here and you watch your daughter go without care. and now you destroy the thanksgiving dinner! lily is on it since this morning!"}, {"x": "you have swallowed this painting?", "y": "this is my look \"you're dead to me.\""}, {"x": "yeah, lily does it better...", "y": "get out of my house!"}, {"x": "less talking shop, more slaps.", "y": "you just 2 minutes. you decided which of you will be entitled to a slap in the face to barney?"}, {"x": "i can not do it. why i can not do it?", "y": "because... the slap did exactly what i hoped. it brought us together. and it forced us to recognize the weakness and at the same time the greatness in ourselves and in others."}, {"x": "stop your bullshit.", "y": "and so... there will not slap... of... today."}, {"x": "since lily and marshall have their apartment, her mother keeps sending him old things she wants to get rid.", "y": "well done 'man, right on target this time. i really needed the right arm of himan, and this old book of mad libs.pet went to fart to fart loud. this is good. thank you 'man."}, {"x": "the window is open.", "y": "what are you waiting for? ted, run!"}, {"x": "yes, of course.", "y": "come on, tell me that happened to you on time?"}, {"x": "my cats.", "y": "lily."}, {"x": "well this girl was and still is maggie wilks.", "y": "we went to college together, she's great. everybody liked him."}, {"x": "it was not the fact that maggie was good. it was the...", "y": "it was the perfect girl next door."}, {"x": "even when i arrived here, she still will not touch with a man. i feel good tonight, this evening will be well.", "y": "this is my overalls. i wore this little baby, during high school."}, {"x": "hey, you were really a virgin before he met lily.", "y": "it was not necessary."}, {"x": "super. sit down, put yourself at ease. relaxed, everything is relaxed. listen, you want me to find the perfect girl for you so all together, it's her. do not let a guy to approach her. no server to take our order, clean the table, and if it ignites, i want a female firefighter to extinguish.", "y": "i think that emergencies are taking applications like that."}, {"x": "marshall good god, do what you need to keep single until my return. i pay the bill, but do not abuse.", "y": "target secure?"}, {"x": "target secure.", "y": "wow, weird, pulled out all the toilets at the same time."}, {"x": "let's go to the table all together.", "y": "look at that, our table."}, {"x": "bluntly. i think. perhaps. i dunno, you think what?", "y": "oh my god, i had totally forgotten that."}, {"x": "what is it?", "y": "a duty that day of my 15 years. write a letter to your future you with a list of things you hope to do. \"dear future me...\""}, {"x": "continuous.", "y": "yes that's right, it's hilarious, i became a business poor guy. i work for gnb, the bank most unhealthy existence."}, {"x": "baby, where you going?", "y": "i have to do something at work, it will not be long."}, {"x": "hey baby! i thought you came here to resign... i forgot the basket.", "y": "yeah, i thought so... so i got to do something on this list i will feel more so old so i... i came here to dunk."}, {"x": "do it helped you feel better?", "y": "i just touches the bottom of the net. you know my legs are so bad that i have a hard time getting approved."}, {"x": "maybe you can not dunk now. but you did more in 30 years that this 15 year old could have dreamed. you are a graduate of law. you had the good sense to cut you that stupid ponytail. and, you married this super b*mb that is unlike any points to your mother. this entitles you to 30 cm less to dunk. go ahead thunder vanilla!", "y": "remote!"}, {"x": "oh, baby! and if instead of going to dunk on your desk... you allongeras and i'd put the banana oil everywhere?", "y": "sure baby. why we would not do that here?"}, {"x": "okay, very good, very good.", "y": "yeah robin, i mean my god... not only is it a bad habit but... do i have one?"}, {"x": "come on marshall, it's christmas! this holiday feast!", "y": "but just one. this is the first and the last cigarette of my life."}, {"x": "what are you doing, you have not smoked in 6 months. is it about \"macgrib\"? it closed guy, forget it.", "y": "i'm worried about work, ok? they just hired a new chief legal department... and it will turn people."}, {"x": "is it always rebounded against you?", "y": "worse!"}, {"x": "sorry, who are you?", "y": "i have marshall eriksen. we had a pretty intense argument. as i've suggested that you take your head and you put yourself in the..., inside you. at a place that could reduce its exposure to the sun."}, {"x": "yeah, that describes 95% of my employees and my family. except my dog. it's such a good boy. well, i'll see you later... um rendal rilgurson.", "y": "marshall eriksen."}, {"x": "not great, it does not matter that arthur hobes not like marshall, he loves no one. it is the people he knows that he has to separate. he just fired, \"what's his head? \".", "y": "it turned 'what is his head? \"ted! and \"what's his head? \"was priceless."}, {"x": "yeah, after you turn'm doing... then you can k*ll you. as \"what is his head? \". now i think it is, where is his head?", "y": "look, it's just two cigarettes. ok, i can collect 2. as it is not 3 within 24hrs i replongerai yet."}, {"x": "what will lily say when you learn that you smoked?", "y": "lily did not discover. i have a system."}, {"x": "you got smoked!", "y": "damn!"}, {"x": "oh, no! you're not here to jump, does not it? i have turned many people today... and i would not do another jump ruin my record. oh, cigarettes?", "y": "no, no thank you!"}, {"x": "too bad! geoffrey you know why i miss? we used to smoke. people are now replaceable. but you share a cigarette with someone and you have a real link.", "y": "you know what? i'll take one."}, {"x": "ok!", "y": "marshall i am aware. it was marshall, marshall eriksen."}, {"x": "tell me something marshall eriksen. would you like to see a photo of the cutest dogs in the world? good boy!", "y": "hey!"}, {"x": "you got smoked!", "y": "yes, i smoked! and it was my third day. you know what that means? i'm a smoker now. everything is ruined. i bought a packet coming back, and a lighter... and a viking lamp that has nothing to do, but i saw in the window and i liked it."}, {"x": "damn marshall. it has four lamps and viking smoking kills.", "y": "it was to create a link with my boss, you should have seen me up there."}, {"x": "really? what color is the decor?", "y": "it's black, or silver."}, {"x": "not your tv, the decor of my show. if my best friends do not watch, will watch it...", "y": "a lot of people... bedrin the insomniac, who portrays blongs front of department stores. people to the emergency room where the tv is in a cage, and you can not change channels."}, {"x": "guys?", "y": "marco?"}, {"x": "and my abs muscle nicotine. i... am... muscular.", "y": "it's alright, darling?"}, {"x": "baby, you said it was going.", "y": "i would never have started. i finally revisit in 13 years, if i could go back. i hate that little bastard."}, {"x": "ok it's good, we stop.", "y": "yes, we stop."}, {"x": "guys, i wonder, you also are interviewing the mayor tomorrow, or it just me? don was in the teeth, while i'm smoking a. lighter marshall.", "y": "actually, we all decided to stop."}, {"x": "you can sleep with marshall.", "y": "lily god, no."}, {"x": "i do not want to have sex with marshall.", "y": "sure."}, {"x": "it's too stressful!", "y": "just one."}, {"x": "damn robin, think about it a moment, blue bug is the mayor anti cigarette. you really want to go to the interview smelling cigarettes? it's like interviewing a feeling the vegetarian steak.", "y": "really, it's hard enough like that?"}, {"x": "marshall pass me your plate.", "y": "what, you're a dinosaur?"}, {"x": "dude, if you do not stop moving your feet, i'll tear it off.", "y": "oh ted, i'm sorry, maybe i should move closer to your ass!"}, {"x": "why? because there are millions of viewers? if viewers are problems with this, call us at the number on the screen 212-555-0192. go robin, appreciate life a little. it must be mike, he always forgets to take them into extra-crunchy.", "y": "robin, do not smoke this cigarette."}, {"x": "marshall?", "y": "they look at you all, we are all impressed and if you smoke this cigarette, we shall return it to us too."}, {"x": "thanks for calling friends.", "y": "she did!"}, {"x": "i bought a packet on the way home.", "y": "robin good show."}, {"x": "come on, let's do it.", "y": "the last three."}, {"x": "guess who will not fall under his spell? i will make him \"do not try, baby. papa needs a gin and tonic. \"and when she will, i recracherai saying\" do it again. \" the dominant male where it should be on top, and after a few minutes below. why should i do anything?", "y": "guys, what's up?"}, {"x": "if he thinks. do not bother to pretend that other women are not attractive just for my own good.", "y": "i know, and if this woman was almost as sexy as mine, so i admit, but it is not the case."}, {"x": "baby, you're an angel, but compared to this woman, i am a big trash bag 3 days.", "y": "i say what i see, and... i think until you're the most beautiful woman in the world."}, {"x": "the second sexiest.", "y": "i repeat..."}, {"x": "baby, how can you not want you to do? i want to do it. if you do not wanna do it, sorry, but you must be gay.", "y": "yeah, i'm gay. gay for you."}, {"x": "no matter. you understand why i'm the only guy she does not know this bar?", "y": "yes... you will not like the answer."}, {"x": "and thoughtful. if the rules are so strict, you could put your work in.", "y": "i think you should leave it, buddy."}, {"x": "okay, i start again. she exaggerates, there, right?", "y": "sorry for my delay. i was stuck at work. i had this presentation on taxes on dividends."}, {"x": "of course, i listened carefully when you spoke.", "y": "so, i started the powerpoint... barney?"}, {"x": "admit it, she is sexier than me. it will not hurt me.", "y": "i can not. you're sexier than she."}, {"x": "that's a goddess! her skin glows. her legs are super long.and that ass? i do not mind having it, even on the head! that night, i admit, i thought about it a little more than once.", "y": "what do you...? kind, you think she is sexier than me?"}, {"x": "i never said that.", "y": "you think so!"}, {"x": "it's not comparable. she is younger than you.", "y": "i'm just, like, me, my friend, against it, its old."}, {"x": "you two, the fact that it is not real sexy! she is sexy thanks to circumstances! look.", "y": "i guess you also think she is sexier than me."}, {"x": "you're not serious, my students are going to catch me so i do them a lesson. i have not even my slide projector.", "y": "ted, i'm champion of skee-ball, since law school. i have come here at least once a month to keep my record."}, {"x": "looks like you're not income from a lease, a guy called \"big caramel\" you're passed.", "y": "yes, yes."}, {"x": "and you're \"big caramel.\"", "y": "the biggest. in fact, i must tell you something. i invited jenkins."}, {"x": "this is a new lawyer in the office of marshall, he is hilarious.", "y": "hilarious! there was a jar of cherries in the fridge, then jenkins said $ 200 and i eat the whole pot. so we gave him $ 200, and he ate the whole jar!"}, {"x": "hi, guys.", "y": "ted jenkins here."}, {"x": "it's going to seem crazy, but i thought jenkins was a guy.", "y": "what!? where did you get it?"}, {"x": "i do not know, maybe history jenkins pissed out the window of a taxi.", "y": "yes, even more impressive now, right?"}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "ok, i confess! it all started a few weeks."}, {"x": "in fact the myopic! new lawyer, jenkins here. watch out for this guy, he steals things.", "y": "i do not steal. and i do not wear glasses. marshall."}, {"x": "hi marshall. so you're really a fan of the vikings, or he lied about that too?", "y": "why? it's a trap, you're a fan of the packers? my wife knows i'm here. she has no money, however it has very special skills."}, {"x": "i'm a fan of the vikings too! i think purple and gold. i am from pelican rapids.", "y": "pelican rapids? my grandfather lives there. finally he's dead now, but it haunts a bar on a road."}, {"x": "wait, if you tell me that you flirt with a woman other than yours, i'll pull out and hit you.", "y": "first, you can not control the grand caramel. secondly, i see it as a big brother, who has breasts. my older brother had also, in short."}, {"x": "i'm in a hurry to meet him.", "y": "i should correct, it would have been so simple."}, {"x": "look, i understand why you have not told him? you really think she would be jealous too.", "y": "ted, think of the stories i've told."}, {"x": "yes, it could be a problem.", "y": "exactly, that's why lily can know nothing."}, {"x": "go!", "y": "hello?"}, {"x": "hey baby, i go up there.", "y": "what, why?"}, {"x": "there was a problem at school, it was therefore the day. i thought to visit you, eat something with a nice little dessert.", "y": "i have a problem, it was my wife. the first time i spoke to you, she thought you were a man, so..."}, {"x": "... then you're afraid she became insane upon learning that i am a woman.", "y": "absolutely."}, {"x": "hi lily, i am of the french embassy. i am here because of a little problem with cheese but important.", "y": "it is jenkins."}, {"x": "the famous jenkins, gosh. i imagined a man, in short, we eat?", "y": "wait, you're not jealous at all?"}, {"x": "honey, i do not have to worry about you and another woman.", "y": "because we love to madness, right?"}, {"x": "yes of course. let's eat.", "y": "it was not jealous at all."}, {"x": "of course she was not jealous, it is the dynamics of your relationship.", "y": "what is this supposed to mean?"}, {"x": "exactly, low in trying to conquer another out of reach, and the strong will go back down to be with the other person less.", "y": "i am not diminished for lily. yes, it is a bit small, and my mother says she has no hips to carry a baby eriksen. my god, you think i'm weak."}, {"x": "that's why lily is not jealous. the strongest is never jealous because where could go lower? the fort, lily, is the best thing that low, marshall may have hoped.", "y": "no, ok, i'm glad lily, but lily is as lucky as me. none of us is low."}, {"x": "yes, it's definitely, you are going to buy a horse.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "oh that's good. but hmm. but um...", "y": "interesting article in the newspaper. they say that in every relationship there is a weak and strong."}, {"x": "let me see.", "y": "it's not that one, it's in another, i've read before. the newspaper reminded me of the old. in short, what do you think?"}, {"x": "i think sometimes it's the case.", "y": "but not for us?"}, {"x": "no, of course not.", "y": "sure. imagine, you have a g*n to his head, you have to say that one of us is low."}, {"x": "i would say this is me, this is what is right.", "y": "now, the g*n is pointed at me, and our future children, and our future little monkeys. depends on who wins the game is played for 3 years."}, {"x": "no, no weak or strong.", "y": "so this..."}, {"x": "and oprah has tried everything?", "y": "everything you need to decide now."}, {"x": "i think if i had to really say, maybe i'm strong.", "y": "how can you say such a thing!"}, {"x": "okay, i know. you remember the other night, the game of skee-ball, when you did your good score?", "y": "yes, an ordinary night for the \"big caramel.\""}, {"x": "bluntly.", "y": "sure, i have an opening. if madame lily is jealous, young marshall can not move, then by chance, the \"big caramel\"... may move, ok let me try again."}, {"x": "so i guess it's not a great drinking game. this means that last night when we played with barney, i was not drunk and i did not vomit on it. except that i did these two things here, take this.", "y": "hey jenkins!"}, {"x": "hey buddy!", "y": "so, lily and i go back to university bar. and you wonder if maybe you would come... you could watch me play skee-ball... do exactly what you did the other night, something like that. it's really up to you, i mean..."}, {"x": "hey baby, what do you do at home?", "y": "baby! that is, it's a name i do not deserve."}, {"x": "oh, i see what happens. that's about all that history of strong and weak.", "y": "you're sure it's not a fever?"}, {"x": "you wanna make me jealous so you invent a story with jenkins.", "y": "i did not invent it! it happened, this woman kissed me.with language, his tongue was in my mouth."}, {"x": "of course it was.", "y": "it was silky... and hard as a branch of starfish"}, {"x": "i'm so jealous, i'll go see it and hit right on the nose... like an old sandwich. come on baby, you want some soup?", "y": "it happened! have you... meatballs?"}, {"x": "oh you're here! i'm really sorry to have embraced yesterday.", "y": "it's nothing."}, {"x": "and i'm sorry i slept with you in the mail room.", "y": "it was not me!"}, {"x": "oh my god, that's embarrassing 2 discussions today. i do not do usually, i was totally stuffed.", "y": "you were drunk at 8am?"}, {"x": "but hum! i gotta work!", "y": "happy to have you helped you remember."}, {"x": "damn, how i could do that!", "y": "it's nothing!"}, {"x": "no, you know what it is not nothing. you are the coolest guy in the office that stupid. and i really do not want to spoil our friendship. this is so embarrassing, do not tell anyone please.", "y": "no, who am i to say? lily? i said to lily."}, {"x": "for heaven's sake, i have to go talk to him, i must apologize!", "y": "no, no!"}, {"x": "if marshall, i must say that it happened, it meant nothing... and i'm sorry.", "y": "no, i... yes! yes! do it!"}, {"x": "i'm going.", "y": "and if you got no time for all this, just tell him that it happened and that you're sorry. and if you're really in a hurry did not tell him you're sorry. just as it happened, what is most important. it really happened. thus abbreviated it as much as you can."}, {"x": "so lily, what i'm saying is that... it happened and i feel terrible. and i am truly sorry.", "y": "well, it happened! what will we do? it happened!terrible, like you said. it happened!"}, {"x": "marshall, you're in the field!", "y": "lil '? it's good!"}, {"x": "it all started when i decided to start a small challenge.", "y": "oh my god. wow."}, {"x": "whatever the girl i'm trying to point is that i go with her tonight. and... they're off!", "y": "hi!"}, {"x": "robin, this is not because a guy talks a lot about a fictional character for your first date it can not be your future.", "y": "the yeti is not fictitious."}, {"x": "guys, when dale called for a second hot date, what do i tell her?", "y": "how do you know he'll call?"}, {"x": "we will not make jokes, ted. i mean, this girl must really be in the hole.", "y": "you really soiled the name of jen coulin."}, {"x": "it is everything i love that marshall either.", "y": "it's all i want to be."}, {"x": "that's your burgers.", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "of course not!", "y": "there is no such bizarros who share everything."}, {"x": "what's happening guys?", "y": "you know, lily and i was looking for a new couple of friends since we lost robin and barney, and ted and stella and ted and robin, and ted... ted and victoria, when do you arrive to keep one?"}, {"x": "it was a great day out at 4 it was cool, we were relaxed, it was not freaked out.", "y": "and there, a tiny detail has surfaced, and it ruined the whole evening."}, {"x": "... and the toothbrush joanna is ejected from the sink, facing the ceiling, and falls straight down the toilet.", "y": "it's crazy that last week, it happened the same with our toothbrushes."}, {"x": "yuck? are you kidding? there is no one left to do...", "y": "do not tell! you're going to jinx him!"}, {"x": "jen has not come into being today.", "y": "excuse me, jen?"}, {"x": "yeah, ted, we know tons of people who call jen.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "yeah. when did you start doing that too?", "y": "it's been years! you had to know, you lived with us."}, {"x": "wait. are you saying that for 8 years, you have shared a toothbrush every 3?", "y": "oh my god!"}, {"x": "beer! salvation.", "y": "hi. how is barney?"}, {"x": "like a charm. as all week.", "y": "yeah? hard to believe."}, {"x": "why?", "y": "apparently, this big merger last week went wrong, and barney wears the hat."}, {"x": "oh, it's weird. he said nothing.", "y": "even i who works with him, i just learned this afternoon when i walked past the office of his boss."}, {"x": "... what it has cost this company, stinson?!", "y": "i never thought about barney so scared."}, {"x": "i can not believe that barney is going to get fired.", "y": "yeah, they have a meeting friday to see if he keeps his job or not."}, {"x": "come on, it's his career. this is much more important than a stupid without...", "y": "ahh! okay. you can lick my hand all you want, i will not let you ruin... ouch!"}, {"x": "why do you...", "y": "guys, guys, look!"}, {"x": "no, sir. i like to play by the rules. while i can not say i did not propose to.", "y": "it was pretty awesome. you should try it. i still have a few."}, {"x": "no thank you.", "y": "you sure? ok, do as you like. what time is it?"}, {"x": "it's 800.", "y": "800? i have to go to hospital."}, {"x": "barney, i trust you. i miss you even ask the question. let's talk about the night 6. two girls prepared to perfection.", "y": "hey!"}, {"x": "now my students have taught me that jen coulin abandon my material.", "y": "oh, my god, you've really pushed to the limit."}, {"x": "it's only been five days, he will call!", "y": "what do you care? you said it was a big con."}, {"x": "i talk to my friend who is going through a difficult period.", "y": "he's doing very well."}, {"x": "i can not believe that thou hast brought him bad luck.", "y": "he has no chance."}, {"x": "oh, my god!", "y": "there's going to happen!"}, {"x": "well, thank you to her, the only thing that can prevent a stroke insured was about to walk out the door. a member of the new york yankees world champions in 2009.", "y": "lily, i'll buy my own toothbrush."}, {"x": "what? why? because the guy with the weird cut went back?", "y": "this is nick swisher. it is part of the new york yankees. no regular guy from new york can not compete with a yankee."}, {"x": "and this is true for a former yankee. when i arrived here, i was the fourth date with a girl i loved a lot before i do the fly by phil rizzuto.", "y": "i was there. damn, this guy could play."}, {"x": "oh, barney's done.", "y": "it's happening, look."}, {"x": "you wanna come to my house and watch the collection of snowballs?", "y": "a collection of snow globes?"}, {"x": "but not play well enough. all this week was a waste of time. and tomorrow i'm getting fired.", "y": "i'm sorry. but for what it's worth, this week was not a waste of time. we all had a horrible week, and you have helped us change a little air."}, {"x": "i met my soul mate, and he never called back. well, not yet. he will. he will.", "y": "we frightened a couple great just because we share a toothbrush."}, {"x": "at the second she sits next to swisher, we reach the end.", "y": "wait a minute! aldrin was seen. she tries to escape, she jumps, and... i thought she would not do that."}, {"x": "sure.", "y": "she did! i believe that there is no jinx finally."}, {"x": "i'm bringing ice, lily.", "y": "damn. swisher is back in play swisher is back in play!"}, {"x": "actually, i think it's cute. are we not try to find someone who could share his toothbrush?", "y": "i'm sorry. lily, nick swisher think it's cute."}, {"x": "i barely slept.", "y": "that's the guy, the official caps of no fault of barney. i was going to make t-shirts, but you know, sizes, all that, and it would hurt me to think."}, {"x": "in commemoration, at the entrance to the barney legend, this tie, worn during his seventh night of her flawless, freshly removed.", "y": "may the heroic story of barney to be remembered, and transmitted from generation to generation."}, {"x": "does anyone know who won the superbowl?", "y": "you were there. it was the..."}, {"x": "hey, ranjit!", "y": "good to see you."}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "how's it going?"}, {"x": "that's crazy! and they use \"ulee\" because of the vowels.", "y": "what did you say?"}, {"x": "oh, oh, oh!", "y": "robin, you're gonna marry this man so freaking hard, right in the butt."}, {"x": "what? nooo i hate don. and now i can't cancel because i said i would go out with him on the air.", "y": "what would your viewers think?"}, {"x": "hm.", "y": "it is true. it's very rare that two people just meet and fall madly in love... like robin and don."}, {"x": "ok.", "y": "well, dog my cats! i think i know what's going on here. robin... did you want don to ask out?"}, {"x": "or this one, or this one, or this one...", "y": "you want us to arrange your marriage?"}, {"x": "absolutely. looks there's two sides to dating, right? picking and getting picked. getting picked, i'm good at. ladies looove teddy westside.", "y": "you're waiting for me to comment on your self-assigned nickname? well, here's my comment. i love it."}, {"x": "really?!", "y": "teddy westside? continue."}, {"x": "oh well with the slight assist from the wesleyan housing department.", "y": "and a healthy splash of drakkar noir."}, {"x": "get out there and find me a girl. we'll double date on valentine's day. if i like her, i will marry her... if she's cool with it. and she will be. cause i'll wear my nice blazer.", "y": "i love that blazer. almost as much as robin loves don."}, {"x": "i do not love don.", "y": "robin, neurologically speaking, the part of the human brain that makes you hate people is located right next to the part of the brain that makes you want to jump people's bones. the two responses are so similar, it's hard to tell them apart."}, {"x": "ok this is fun. look at this picture. it's a rabbit! you can look at it for hours and be absolutely sure it's a rabbit. but then one day, you look at it and you realize, \"wait a second, it's a duck!\" rabbit, duck, rabbit, duck. isn't it fun?", "y": "relationships are like that. i mean, look, when you first met don, you hated him, you thought \"this guy's a duck\", but one of these days you're gonna realize \"this is actually someone that i love, he's a rabbit\"."}, {"x": "wow i think you got it backwards there, buddy. the duck is the thing you love, the rabbit is the thing you hate.", "y": "what?!!"}, {"x": "definitely. ducks are better than rabbits.", "y": "i got... ducks are... ducks are... rabbits are adorable. ducks are aargh. have you ever been in a fight with a duck? i mean, ducks are... jerks."}, {"x": "duck is delicious. rabbit is all gamey.", "y": "we're not talking about flavour, ted."}, {"x": "flavour counts.", "y": "who carries a duck's foot for good luck? anyone?"}, {"x": "then why don't we take, a rabbit, a duck, stick 'em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out?", "y": "because it's illegal, ted!"}, {"x": "only if we bet on it, marshall!", "y": "fine! i can see it! you win!"}, {"x": "you have to say it.", "y": "duck's good... rabbit's bad."}, {"x": "pants. don's... a duck. permission to say \"lawyered\"?", "y": "i'll allow it."}, {"x": "go-o for barrr-neeeeyy. d cups, really?", "y": "aren't we supposed to go on a double date with ted?"}, {"x": "ted? no, he's not seeing anyone. remember, he asked us to find...", "y": "oh, no."}, {"x": "i don't know what kind of architect? houses, buildings, that kind of crap.", "y": "wanna marry my friend ted? wanna marry my friend ted? wanna marry my friend ted?"}, {"x": "you can be choosey? you're in a bar on valentine's day, uh!", "y": "hey, just real quick... you wanna marry my friend ted?"}, {"x": "man, ted's right, it's tough out there.", "y": "this is stupid. you know what, we forgot about this. i'm sure ted did also."}, {"x": "cleaning. you go on your date. happy valentine's day.", "y": "oh, thank god, you're here!"}]
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