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+[{"x": "hey!", "y": "urgh. i'm exhausted. it was finger painting day at school, and a five year old boy got to second base with me. wow, you're cooking?"}, {"x": "yes, i am.", "y": "aww are you sure that's a good idea after last time? you looked really creepy without eyebrows."}, {"x": "i can handle this; i'm full of surprises tonight.", "y": "so there's more surprises? like what?"}, {"x": "okay, look what i got", "y": "aw-honey. champagne!"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "no, you are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne!"}, {"x": "i'm not scared.", "y": "then open it!"}, {"x": "fine please open it", "y": "you are unbelievable, marshall. no"}, {"x": "you wanna go out sometime?", "y": "of course, you idiot!"}, {"x": "i promised ted we wouldn't do that.", "y": "did you know there's a pop tart under your fridge?"}, {"x": "no, but dibs. where's that champagne? i wanna drink a toast with my fianc\u00e9.", "y": "aww"}, {"x": "whoa, whoa, whoa-did you hit her?", "y": "hit me? please, this guy could barely even spank me in bed for fun. he's all like, \"oh, did that hurt?\" and i'm like, \"come on, let me have it you pansy!\" wow, complete stranger."}, {"x": "lilly?", "y": "how long have you been sitting there!? stupid eye patch."}, {"x": "she hates olives! awesome!", "y": "the olive theory."}, {"x": "oh, it is on! it is on till the break of dawn.", "y": "wait, it's only the break of ten-thirty. what happened?"}, {"x": "no. the moment wasn't right. look, this woman could be my future wife; i want our first kiss to be amazing.", "y": "aww, ted that's so sweet. so you chickened out like the little bitch."}, {"x": "what? i did not chicken out! you know what? i don't need to take first kiss advice from some pirate who hasn't been single since the first week of college.", "y": "ted, anyone who's single would tell you the same thing. even the dumbest single person alive, and if you don't believe me...call him."}, {"x": "there she is...", "y": "ooo. she's cute! hey carl, turn it up!"}, {"x": "i'm doing this.", "y": "let's go"}, {"x": "word up!", "y": "we're coming with you."}, {"x": "ted's goanna get it on with a tv reporter this just in. okay", "y": "kiss her, ted. kiss her good."}, {"x": "not good, not good, not good, not good.", "y": "no!"}, {"x": "so, ranjit... you must've done it with a lebanese girl.", "y": "okay-that's my barney limit. i'm goanna see if that bodega has a bathroom."}, {"x": "yeah, i'm scared, okay? but when i think about spending the rest of my life with lily... committing forever, no other women doesn't scare me at all. i'm marrying that girl. lily. lily, i like olives.", "y": "we'll make it work."}, {"x": "why are we still sitting here? let's go! we can still make last call. what do you say lil? yo, ho ho and a bottle o' rum? 'cuz you're a pirate...", "y": "okay, eye patch gone and we can't just abandon ted. if it doesn't go well up there he's gonna need some support."}, {"x": "i had this girl in college; she had a golden retriever-", "y": "okay, we can go to the bar, just stop talking."}, {"x": "that was the signal!", "y": "that long lingering handshake-you should've kissed her!"}, {"x": "carl!? you guys weren't there.", "y": "i am so turned on right now."}, {"x": "to my fianc\u00e9!", "y": "to the future!"}, {"x": "hey!", "y": "look who i ran into!"}, {"x": "yeah, you too. damn it.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "she said something about me didn't she? come on, spill it, red.", "y": "fine!"}, {"x": "ted's something else.", "y": "but that's part of his charm."}, {"x": "oh, totally. i mean, he's sweet, he's charming, he's just looking for something a little bit more serious than i am. i mean the most i can handle right now is something casual. this just stays between us, right?", "y": "are you kidding? this flapper-for knocks."}, {"x": "yeah-no! i can't ask her out, because if i ask her out i'm asking her out. so how do i ask her out, without asking her out?", "y": "did you guys get high?"}, {"x": "yeah, cuz nothing says \"casual\" like inviting a hundred people over just to \"mac\" on one girl. oh, and lily-that's my leg.", "y": "you waited five minutes to tell me that?"}, {"x": "no-calling's not casual! i just gotta bump into her somewhere. if only i knew her schedule i could arrange a \"chance\" encounter.", "y": "that's great, ted. you'll be the most \"casual\" stalker ever."}, {"x": "baby, no. i have a twenty-five paged paper on unconstitutional law due on monday, i barely started,", "y": "hey, i'm just sitting here. wearing my ring... my beautiful ring. kind of makes wearing other stuff seem wrong. like my shirt. kind of don't wanna wear my shirt anymore. or... my underwear. oh-that's right-i'm not wearing any."}, {"x": "no underwear?", "y": "not slightly."}, {"x": "what's so special about the roof?", "y": "oh, the moon, the stars, the shimmering skyline. you can't not fall in love on that roof."}, {"x": "aargh! scoping, beep, scoping, beep!", "y": "man you're a dork."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "no."}, {"x": "hey, she's goanna show up. she'll show up.", "y": "at least it was a great party."}, {"x": "it's robin.", "y": "answer it!"}, {"x": "ted! ted wait-get french onion. can you believe this guy, i got a paper to write. okay, fine but it's gotta be like super quick.", "y": "oh!"}, {"x": "and no cuddling after.", "y": "i'm the luckiest girl alive"}, {"x": "or \"casual\"?", "y": "hey little old books. ready for a little fifteen minute recess?"}, {"x": "she's still talking to carlos. i can still win this, it's not over.", "y": "okay, buddy, time for the \"tough-talk\". robin seems great. but let's look at the facts, you wanna get married and right now there's a million women in new york looking for exactly you, but robin ain't one of them."}, {"x": "ohh!!", "y": "stop the tape, rewind-play it again."}, {"x": "why don't we go to maclaren's?", "y": "let's go to maclaren's."}, {"x": "don't say \"legendary\", okay? you're too liberal with the word legendary.", "y": "i'm so glad we finally get to hang out just the two of us!"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "you sure you're okay giving up your friday night to hang with an old almost-married lady?"}, {"x": "oh please, i'm so sick of the \"meet-market\" scene. guys are like a subway. you miss one, another one comes along in five minutes.", "y": "unless it's the end of the night, then you get on anything."}, {"x": "compliments of that guy.", "y": "really? sweet."}, {"x": "oh, for you it's six dollars.", "y": "i guess that's one drawback to being engaged. i'm sure that's why he didn't..."}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "oh. oh, hello!"}, {"x": "yeah, sorry, sorry.", "y": "so i grew up in park slope."}, {"x": "yeah, i'm a ghost! d*ed fifteen years ago, like that pickup line.", "y": "heyow."}, {"x": "god, i'm so sorry.", "y": "oh, believe me i've been there. i have this line that i use when guys come check it out."}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "you take this one, i'll save it for the next one."}, {"x": "both? both of their boyfriends are linebackers.", "y": "you're going to philly? why..."}, {"x": "i...i didn't ask.", "y": "well it sounds like you're having a lot more fun than i am. i'm just talking to guys' backs while they hit on robin."}, {"x": "ouff, yeah... i bet she gets that a lot.", "y": "don't you bet i get that a lot?"}, {"x": "not with a ring on your finger. i mean, you know, guys see the ring and it's like cha-chung! marshall parking only.", "y": "oh, of course, that's it the ring! i guess i'm not used to it yet."}, {"x": "oh, it's totally the ring. if you took that ring off your finger, you'd have a ton o' guys crowding around your junk.", "y": "i'm not going to take off my ring! wouldn't you be jealous of guys swarming all over my beeswax?"}, {"x": "oh yeah, you know me, i'm the jealous type. any groom so much as look at you, i'm a sack him in the kisser, no seriously, you girls have a good time tonight.", "y": "bye."}, {"x": "it's ridiculous in here, why don't we go somewhere else?", "y": "no, this place is great"}, {"x": "what are you doing?", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "with your lips and everything...?", "y": "my lips are always like this"}, {"x": "ooh, look a booth opened up.", "y": "really."}, {"x": "yeah, i thought we could finally go talk, and you're not listening to me, so i'm going to walk away.", "y": "yeah, yeah...booth"}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "hey. i'm engaged, sorry. i took my ring off! it's very, very sweet of you to come over and talk to me, but i... just..."}, {"x": "yeah, i'm gay. just came over to let you know that you sat on a grape.", "y": "oh, damn it!"}, {"x": "lily, i thought tonight was about us hanging out, what are you doing?", "y": "just fending off the advances of that totally hot guy."}, {"x": "dude, i think that guy is gay.", "y": "oh, i know that guy is gay. just marshall and i have been together for nine years. i haven't been single since high school."}, {"x": "you wanna be single? you wanna fight off loser guys all night, does that seem like fun to you?", "y": "i guess i wanted to throw this net back into the ocean and see how many fish i could catch. so far, one. one gay dolphin."}, {"x": "and marshall. lily, all these girls here tonight are looking to catch what you've already got.", "y": "you're right i know. hey do you wanna get some coffee and have an actual conversation?"}, {"x": "hey, i got that club soda. let's see that booty.", "y": "oh, thank you so much."}, {"x": "back off hombre. i'm not that afraid to fight you. you wanna test this guy? be my guest!", "y": "marshall, he's gay!"}, {"x": "you don't say!", "y": "hey!"}, {"x": "right? right?", "y": "look at those colors! green and brown together at last!"}, {"x": "for your information, my boss is about to bump me up to the city hall b*at.", "y": "city hall, miss thang!"}, {"x": "mmm... who's bourbon is this?", "y": "ooh, i don't know. it was here when we sat down."}, {"x": "hold up, there are only two reasons to date a girl you've already dated. breast, implants.", "y": "that's not a bad idea. let's think, ted's greatest hits... what about that girl, steph?"}, {"x": "a-hundred-and-seventy-five.", "y": "say what you will about the p*rn industry... they are hard workers."}, {"x": "uh...no.", "y": "what about natalie!"}, {"x": "i said, \"nipple\" on the news! that was so unprofessional! i said, \"nipple\" on the news!", "y": "at least it's better than booger. booger."}, {"x": "oh, search your soul, robin. you and i both know this wasn't about the money. sure, metro news one pays you jack and hey, a little green salad on the side's good for you, me and mr. mcgee.", "y": "seriously, who talks like that?"}, {"x": "well baby really likes, is the thrill of pulling one over on those bean counters, who under appreciate you and still haven't promoted you. and for two more hundy-sticks, baby's going to look in the camera and say this", "y": "eew. i'm just assuming."}, {"x": "i gotta get back to work. see ya.", "y": "bye."}, {"x": "found it! i found natalie's number.", "y": "hey, ted. nice shirt! is it yesterday already?"}, {"x": "she remembers me.", "y": "why would natalie hang up on you?"}, {"x": "i'm losing interest in your story.", "y": "well, you must have done something. why did you guys break up?"}, {"x": "he wasn't ready for a commitment.", "y": "uh-huh."}, {"x": "and her birthday might have been coming up.", "y": "uh-huh..."}, {"x": "okay, so i didn't wanna get a boyfriend level gift for a girl i was just about to break up with.", "y": "so you dumped her right before her birthday?"}, {"x": "uh-oh.", "y": "never...break...up...with...a...girl...on...her...birthday!"}, {"x": "lily wait, the shirt! i know, it was a mistake!", "y": "well, did she cry her eyes out?"}, {"x": "i don't know.", "y": "how do you n...oh, you didn't!"}, {"x": "yeah, dude, email!", "y": "not exactly the point i was trying to make, marshall. that is a terrible way to break up with someone."}, {"x": "okay, in my client's defense. is there an unterrible way to break up with somebody? no. personally i'd rather hear the bad news on an answering machine than face the humiliation in person. it's the least painful way you can do it. who are you calling?", "y": "hi, marshall, it's lily. we're not going have sex for at least a month. but you're awesome. okay bye-bye."}, {"x": "know, that was a big mistake, ted. you should've done it in person.", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "okay, it was childish and stupid, i just...i didn't want to see her cry.", "y": "well guess what? she cried! you just didn't have the sack to face those tears."}, {"x": "yeah, she's like the best girl you've dated in years.", "y": "yeah, ted, hold on to that one."}, {"x": "i know, she's terrific, but i have to break up with her.", "y": "why... couldn't... you... leave... that... poor... girl... alone?"}, {"x": "\"i'm not ready for a commitment.\"", "y": "oh, that's such a clich\u00e9."}, {"x": "it's not a clich\u00e9, it's a classic. it's the stairway to heaven of breakup lines.", "y": "well, i think natalie deserves better."}, {"x": "mm... mm! six words! you... look... fat... in... those... jeans..., you're free to go.", "y": "ted, have you considered telling her the truth?"}, {"x": "seriously, honey, men are working, here.", "y": "ted, what is the truth? why do you want to break up with her?"}, {"x": "the truth? she's not the one.", "y": "so, tell her that."}, {"x": "oh, you can't tell her that. that's horrible.", "y": "why? what is so horrible about that?"}, {"x": "yeah, what is so horrible about that?...\"she's not the one.\" why is that such a heart-breaking thing to hear? the chances of one person being another person's \"the one\" are like six billion to one.", "y": "yeah, you have better chances of winning the lottery."}, {"x": "alright, man, tell her the truth. she's goanna cry.", "y": "yeah, and he's going to sit there and he's going to take it like a man."}, {"x": "man, she's gonna cry.", "y": "slow loves junk"}, {"x": "ahh! this is it.", "y": "oh, boy, here we go."}, {"x": "oh, my god. are you alright?", "y": "what happened to you?"}, {"x": "oh, man.", "y": "oh, well you did the right thing. i'm proud of you."}, {"x": "fine.", "y": "are you okay?"}, {"x": "ten seconds!!", "y": "suck it losers!"}, {"x": "that was some pretty grownup stuff we did this morning.", "y": "yeah, but it wasn't classy. maybe we should have a wine tasting party."}, {"x": "no, kelly works with the news breakers...", "y": "oh, no, ted, your blazer!"}, {"x": "what, what, what...?", "y": "somebody spilled gorgeous all over it. love it!"}, {"x": "and his hair was perfect.", "y": "hey we're wearing the same shirt! oh, wait no that's just my shirt reflected in yours."}, {"x": "what the hell happened to these two?", "y": "marshall and i are just growing up."}, {"x": "you think it was kind of weird that ted didn't invite me out with him?", "y": "why, you'd rather be out at some dance club, all noisy and sweaty with the.... is that what you want?"}, {"x": "is this what you want? thirty year fixed mortgage. i'm three months pregnant. that was awkward.", "y": "let's start drinking!"}, {"x": "you know what they're doing in there right now? they're watching claire's ultrasound video and i swear to god even the baby looks bored.", "y": "come on, it's not that bad. we're really starting to click with these guys. claire and austin just invited us to their fondue fest next saturday night."}, {"x": "you're also trying to get me excited about fondue?", "y": "it's dipping stuff in hot cheese, what's not to love?"}, {"x": "okay, that does sound good. but it's dipping stuff in hot cheese with boring people.", "y": "marshall, it's time for us to grow up."}, {"x": "oh, yeah. norah jones just gets better and better.", "y": "please tell me we can drink the wine now."}, {"x": "five more minutes, we don't want to rush to tannins.", "y": "freaking tannins."}, {"x": "i'm staying.", "y": "marshall, are you okay?"}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "marshall just ditched out on our own party. can you get me in there? i kind of need to k*ll him."}, {"x": "actually, i can't even get myself in. i was such a dork. i get recognized one time and i start thinking i'm julia roberts. no vip. i'm not even an ip. i'm just a lonely little p sitting out here in the gutter.", "y": "know something; i'd take a pee in the gutter over julia roberts any day."}, {"x": "i really hate parades.", "y": "he just left, in the middle of our own party, you don't do that. unless, of course, you're chasing after someone who's already done it, and then i think it's okay."}, {"x": "well, i hate to take his side... but come one a wine tasting? what's the big plan for next saturday, scrabble night?", "y": "don't check your email."}, {"x": "why are you becoming this person? i heard that in college you flashed a campus tour group on a dare.", "y": "once on a dare. the other times were just for fun. i'm not in college anymore. i'd love to go back and be that person again, but you can't move backwards you can only go forward."}, {"x": "um, pause... you can go wherever you want. i guess the question is where do you want to go?", "y": "i want to go into this club and find my fianc\u00e9."}, {"x": "well that you can't do.", "y": "wanna bet? follow my lead. hey, big guy. i said follow my lead."}, {"x": "our costumes? do they rule?", "y": "they rule. and yours is 100% wool so you won't get hypothermia like last year."}, {"x": "you know what i love about halloween? it's the one night of the year chicks use to unleash their inner ho-bag. if a girl dresses up as she a witch, she's a slutty witch. if she's a cat, she's a slutty cat. if she's a nurse...", "y": "wow, we get it."}, {"x": "oh, i don't know. probably hanging out with mike, this guy i've been seeing.", "y": "mike? there's a mike? you have a boyfriend? you haven't told us?"}, {"x": "we're not really ready to go public yet.", "y": "how about we go about a halloween double-date?"}, {"x": "i don't know, we were kinda thinking about staying at home and dressing up as naked people.", "y": "come on, robin, trot our your new fella. let us judge and evaluate him behind your back. it'll be fun."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "every halloween ted waits for the slutty pumpkin."}, {"x": "so, uh, we're at the bar and i see her mix kahlua...", "y": "kahlua and root beer"}, {"x": "guys! something went terribly wrong.", "y": "happy halloween."}, {"x": "sonny, where's cher?", "y": "cher?"}, {"x": "hey, where's my, uh, kit kat? i put it right here on this table.", "y": "i don't know, but we have plenty of chocolate here."}, {"x": "no no no, you don't understand. i need that kit kat. she wrote her number on that wrapper. where is it?", "y": "uh-oh."}, {"x": "ok, bring the mockery. fine, i can take it. come on, wouldn't it be the coolest story ever if the slutty pumpkin turned out to be my future wife?", "y": "oh, on the off chance that that could happen, maybe we should stop calling her the slutty pumpkin."}, {"x": "so, what do you think?", "y": "so, what do you think?"}, {"x": "oh, yeah. weirdly hot, right?", "y": "we are so gonna win the costume contest this year."}, {"x": "$100", "y": "each."}, {"x": "well, i think you guys look great.", "y": "what are you going as? oh, like i even have to ask."}, {"x": "what? she thought it was hilarious.", "y": "yeah, four years ago, but nobody remembers what the hell a hanging chad is."}, {"x": "what a sad commentary on our national attention span that we could forget such a turbulent time in our political history.", "y": "sad commentary."}, {"x": "nice outfit.", "y": "i'm a parrot."}, {"x": "you sure are.", "y": "where's mike?"}, {"x": "seriously, does my eye liner look ok?", "y": "yes, it's weirdly hot."}, {"x": "what be a pirate's favorite kind of sweater?", "y": "arr-gyle."}, {"x": "and what be a pirate's favorite fast food restaurant?", "y": "arrr-by's"}, {"x": "starrr-ving", "y": "it's so nice to meet you, mike. you guys are really cute together."}, {"x": "good. see.", "y": "i think you won the dish-off tonight, baby. this steak totally bitch-slapped my pork chop."}, {"x": "dude, i'm kind of in the zone here.", "y": "oh for god's sake."}, {"x": "so, do you like mike?", "y": "do you like mike?"}, {"x": "of course i do. why?", "y": "it just doesn't seem like it. you won't share your food. you won't wear a costume."}, {"x": "ah, lily, you know me, i'm just not into all that couple-y stuff.", "y": "ok, i know that stuff looks dumb from the outside, but it's kinda the greatest thing in the world when you're a part of it. if you just give it a chance, you might like it."}, {"x": "are you trying to get me to join a cult?", "y": "robin, mike likes you. if you don't start meeting him halfway, you're gonna lose him."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "look, it's halloween. just put on the girlfriend costume for the night."}, {"x": "ok, what am i supposed to do? buy him a giant teddy bear or something?", "y": "how about you start by sharing dessert."}, {"x": "this is gonna be a slaughter. none of these other costumes even come close to ours.", "y": "take the damn picture."}, {"x": "apple tart, excellent choice, lilypad.", "y": "thanks, marshmallow."}, {"x": "i'm flippering you off.", "y": "sweetie, i'm so sorry."}, {"x": "wait. what did he say?", "y": "oh, who cares, marshall? we won!"}, {"x": "ok, i just want everybody here to know that i'm not a gay pirate. i have sex with my parrot all the time. that came out wrong. oh yeah, it doesn't matter! we won!", "y": "i love you, marshmallow."}, {"x": "oh my god.", "y": "i know, i'm still shaking."}, {"x": "we saw something, up in the apartment.", "y": "something bad."}, {"x": "i don't know what it is, but margaritas make me sexy.", "y": "oh, mucho sexy. you quiero marshall."}, {"x": "only the craziest, meanest looking mouse you've ever seen.", "y": "mouse? sweetie, that wasn't a mouse. that was a huge cockroach."}, {"x": "baby, it was a mouse. it had a whiskers.", "y": "but those things coming out of his head, those were antennae"}, {"x": "no, it wasn't a cockroach. it had fur and only mammals have fur.", "y": "it was a cockroach."}, {"x": "come on, lily, the only way that that was a cockroach was if it was wearing the skin of a mouse it just k*lled.", "y": "oh my god."}, {"x": "do you take credit cards?", "y": "ok, it's back and this time we got a good look."}, {"x": "it's bigger now. it's been feeding.", "y": "we were just upstairs watching tv."}, {"x": "ah gosh.", "y": "ok, let's do this."}, {"x": "so did you get a good look at it?", "y": "yeah. it has six legs, a hard exoskeleton like a roach..."}, {"x": "so which is it, a cockroach or a mouse?", "y": "it's a cockamouse."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "it's some sort of mutant combination of the two. it's as if a cockroach and a mouse...you know..."}, {"x": "that's impossible. that simply can't happen.", "y": "oh, but it can."}, {"x": "and it has", "y": "and it's pissed."}, {"x": "she said it'd take three days. it's been five days. should i be worried?", "y": "oh, just play it cool. don't ted out about it."}, {"x": "yes, 9.6 is off the charts, but sarah is matched up. ted, look, i have a lunch. please. i promise we will find you somebody. don't lose hope. there are new women turning 18 every day.", "y": "he's a whole new species. the cockamouse."}, {"x": "and like the majestic seahorse it's hermaphroditic.", "y": "obviously the whole thing is shrouded in mystery."}, {"x": "wow, that's a pretty sophisticated trap. you think the road runner's gonna fall for it?", "y": "ok, we get it. you're skeptical. but marshall and i, we're believers. we believe."}, {"x": "oh.", "y": "oh, ted, i'm so sorry."}, {"x": "yeah, it was a long sh*t. i told her to call me anyway if she changes her mine, but i don't know...", "y": "whoa whoa whoa, let's not skip over this. raise your hand if earlier today you hit on an engaged woman."}, {"x": "what should i do? i should totally go down there, right?", "y": "don't interfere. some guy is expecting to marry this woman on saturday."}, {"x": "all right, see you later. happy hunting.", "y": "wait, where are you guys going? don't you want to stay and see the cockamouse."}, {"x": "oh my god!", "y": "holy crap. we got it! what do we do with it?"}, {"x": "calm down, i have a plan. i told my friend, sudeep, about it. he wants to show it to the columbia biology department. but it has to be alive.", "y": "wait, no no. they'll do lab experiments on it. that's so mean. shouldn't we just b*at it to death with a bat?"}, {"x": "wait, but if it's not here, that means...lily.", "y": "robin."}, {"x": "oh my god. it's real.", "y": "oh, is it? do something."}, {"x": "hey!", "y": "sorry, mr. madsen."}, {"x": "i loved every last detail of that place. right down to the incredibly tacky swords we hung on the wall. i never wanted any of it to change. but that's not how life works.", "y": "you guys will never believe what just happened to us."}, {"x": "i don't even believe it myself.", "y": "we were in queens and we decided to stop by my apartment."}, {"x": "when was the last time you were there?", "y": "three months ago."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "this is my apartment."}, {"x": "where?", "y": "right here."}, {"x": "lily, this is a chinese restaurant.", "y": "no, no, this was my apartment. my dresser was right..."}, {"x": "hi, how many?", "y": "yes, you know me?"}, {"x": "yeah, from your homecoming picture. you're much prettier in person.", "y": "yeah, i know, the bangs were a mistake. where's my stuff? waitress it's all in the back. we could wrap it up for you. you want it to go?"}, {"x": "they sent you a notice about this.", "y": "when?"}, {"x": "well, still, legally, they can't just toss you out onto the street. you have a lease.", "y": "ok so i didn't have a written lease as such but, but go ask my landlady, mrs. conroy."}, {"x": "never even saw the bus.", "y": "my apartment is a chinese restaurant. what am i gonna do?"}, {"x": "come live with us.", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "it's not just the coffeemaker.", "y": "done. the painting's done."}, {"x": "where do you wanna hang it?", "y": "i don't know. um, over the piano?"}, {"x": "i know, right? i'd really miss them too. so, maybe marshall's room?", "y": "ok."}, {"x": "it's gonna be a thing.", "y": "man, ted's been acting weird. he started labeling all his food. he even carved \"ted\" into that block of cheese."}, {"x": "yeah. well, now it's ed's.", "y": "he's not cool with me moving in."}, {"x": "no, that's not it. i mean, you basically lived here all along. ted loves you.", "y": "so, what's he pms'ing about?"}, {"x": "i don't know. but when he's ready to talk to me about it he'll come and talk to me about it.", "y": "are you kidding? you guys never talk about anything."}, {"x": "that's us.", "y": "a sword fight?"}, {"x": "sorry, lily.", "y": "on monday, i'm gonna have to tell my kindergarten class who i teach not to run with scissors that my fianc\u00e9 ran me through with a frickin' broad sword."}, {"x": "well, just to be fair, it didn't go all the way through.", "y": "i'm sorry, is this a discussion of the degree to which you stabbed me?"}, {"x": "uh, you know, if i tried...", "y": "wait wait wait wait wait. i don't want that apartment. it's a boy apartment. it's full of swords and videogames, and kinda smells like dude. it's fine for now, but when we get married, i wanna start a new life with you in a new place."}, {"x": "gonna miss the old place.", "y": "i will too. we're not getting married for like a year."}, {"x": "totally.", "y": "maybe it's the massive blood loss talking but i'm starving."}, {"x": "let's go get some dinner.", "y": "i know just the place."}, {"x": "thanksgiving in new york is a wonderful time. it's a time for giving of yourself, for thinking of your fellow man, a time when the unforgiving city becomes a little kinder.", "y": "well, i just ralphed."}, {"x": "the shuttle's here!", "y": "he hasn't been back home to minnesota since christmas. he's a little excited."}, {"x": "so, lil, marshall's family. whole weekend with the future in-laws, you excited?", "y": "yeah, no, it'll be fun."}, {"x": "lily, you just said, \"yeah, no.\"", "y": "did i? no, i, i love marshall's family."}, {"x": "oh.", "y": "but, yeah, no, it'll be great."}, {"x": "you just did it again.", "y": "yeah, no, shut up."}, {"x": "thanksgiving in a strip club, who's in? the lusty leopard has a surprisingly good thanksgiving buffet. plus, they do this thing. heather dresses up as a pilgrim and misty dresses up as an indian, and they share a meal.", "y": "oh, barney."}, {"x": "where are all my underpants?", "y": "did you check your suitcase?"}, {"x": "a very big welcome. you see, at 6'4\", marshall was the runt of the ericksen clan.", "y": "wow, i forgot how tall you guys are."}, {"x": "where's my almost daughter-in-law?", "y": "here i am."}, {"x": "all right now, no farting around. put your skates and your pads on, boys. game on in five minutes.", "y": "you're gonna go play hockey?"}, {"x": "we invented it. it's the most dangerous and awesome sport in the world.", "y": "baskiceball? not iceketball?"}, {"x": "you wish.", "y": "oh, well maybe that's just 'cause you haven't seen me play."}, {"x": "i don't know honey, it's not really a sport for a girl.", "y": "well, that's funny because your brother throws like a girl."}, {"x": "oh, i almost forgot. i know it's early but you are a future mrs. ericksen.", "y": "thank you. it'll go great with my...i just love it."}, {"x": "ok, lily, we're putting you on salad duty.", "y": "oh, i make this great frisee and endive salad with a coriander lime vinaigrette."}, {"x": "now that you're going to be a mrs. ericksen, i'm going to let you in on a secret recipe. the ericksen family seven-layer salad.", "y": "seven-layer salad?"}, {"x": "and i hope you like the taste of stick, dorko.", "y": "go."}, {"x": "you wanna scoop stuffing your first day out? hello, nfl, can i be quarterback this sunday? dude.", "y": "ok, i finished the gummy bear layer of the salad. what's next?"}, {"x": "so, lily, when are you gonna start thinking about having a baby?", "y": "baby? uh, you know, i hadn't really thought about it at all."}, {"x": "actually aunt lily was lying. it'd been all she'd been thinking about. you see, remember when she said...", "y": "well, i just ralphed."}, {"x": "at that point she was five days late. this was day six.", "y": "yeah, i mean, i'm way too young to have a baby, right?"}, {"x": "oh, are you kidding? i was younger than you when i had marcus. beautiful 15 pound boy. not much bigger than this turkey right here.", "y": "oh my."}, {"x": "now if lily was already uneasy about joining the ericksen family, imagine how she felt about possibly having a 15-pound ericksen growing inside of her.", "y": "that's a big baby, judy."}, {"x": "the doctor thought he was twins.", "y": "twins. twins!"}, {"x": "look who came to say good-night. it's little martin. three-months old.", "y": "three months! three months?"}, {"x": "here here.", "y": "and she's already pregnant again."}, {"x": "ah, son, she's cool. she's gonna be an ericksen.", "y": "yeah, well, well, not literally because, you know, i'm keeping my name."}, {"x": "well, we haven't actually decided anything yet so...", "y": "no, i've decided and i'm keeping my own name."}, {"x": "but ericksen is a great last name. people know the ericksen's.", "y": "oh, sure, in st. cloud but our kids aren't gonna be growing up in st. cloud. right, baby?"}, {"x": "why not st. cloud? i mean, i loved growing up st. cloud. st. cloud is a great place to have a childhood.", "y": "oh, so is new york."}, {"x": "i know, and i'm starving.", "y": "but, marshall, you love new york."}, {"x": "yes, i do. but you always said that when we had kids, you wanted to move out of manhattan.", "y": "yeah, to brooklyn."}, {"x": "but lily knew way down the road might not be so far down the road.", "y": "i need to go to the restroom."}, {"x": "happy thanksgiving.", "y": "happy thanksgiving. as in check out the chick buying the knock-up test everybody, wonder what must be going through her head. yeah, well, since you asked, a family of mayonnaise-guzzling giants is trying to suck me into their suburban nightmare. and there's a solid chance that i have an ericksen the size of a 15-pound turkey growing inside of me."}, {"x": "you know the ericksen's? marshall's fianc\u00e9.", "y": "fantastic."}, {"x": "so nice to meet you. you are taller than described.", "y": "i'm sorry i just yelled at you. you mind if i use your bathroom?"}, {"x": "don't have one.", "y": "so what do you do when you have to...?"}, {"x": "well, i'm glad that you're safe. hey, weird question, why did you drive three miles down route 23 and take a pee behind a convenience store?", "y": "ok, i'll tell you but before i do, promise me that we are not gonna move to st. cloud, minnesota, promise."}, {"x": "look, i'm not suggesting that we move here tomorrow. i'm just...", "y": "just promise."}, {"x": "why do you want me to promise you that?", "y": "because i don't fit in here. i'm not eight feet tall and i don't think you can call it a salad if it has funyuns in it."}, {"x": "ok, personal effects, one wallet, one cell phone, one pregnancy test.", "y": "pete arrested me before i could look at it."}, {"x": "whoa.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "lily, we can't let our kids play baskiceball. baskiceball is really dangerous.", "y": "yeah, what are the rules to that game, anyway? marshall there are no rules, we just wail on each other."}, {"x": "look, i don't wanna be exactly like my family, and don't take this the wrong way, but i don't wanna be exactly like your family either.", "y": "great, now i'm crying. look, we may have some really big decisions to make in about 10 seconds but right now, i don't care where our kids grow up as long as they have you for a father."}, {"x": "it's negative.", "y": "thank god."}, {"x": "we're not really doing sh*ts, are we?", "y": "i hope not."}, {"x": "no, no.", "y": "these look kinda like blood."}, {"x": "where are you going, buddy? hot date?", "y": "i'll say, she's going out with a billionaire."}, {"x": "a charity dinner.", "y": "yeah, $2000 a plate."}, {"x": "what? there's only one reason he's taking her to this dinner and it's not so little mutu can get his malaria pills.", "y": "i think my soul just threw up a little bit."}, {"x": "see ya.", "y": "bye."}, {"x": "ok, think about this, is there even a single item on the menu that has garlic in it?", "y": "garlic fries."}, {"x": "ah, lily, will you tell these guys how stupid they're being?", "y": "guys, you are being immature and moronic and drink, drink, drink"}, {"x": "if he pukes, one of you guys cleans it up.", "y": "no dibs."}, {"x": "how quickly you all forget. i haven't puked since high school. i am vomit-free since ninety-three. vomit free since ninety-three. that's funny. i'm funny.", "y": "who are you calling?"}, {"x": "no, no, that's a great idea. that's the whole point of getting drunk. you do things you would never do in a million years if you were sober.", "y": "says every girl you've ever slept with."}, {"x": "wow, right, that's why we don't do sh*ts.", "y": "friends don't let friends drink and dial."}, {"x": "i need that phone back.", "y": "you'll get this back at the end of class."}, {"x": "thank you kind sir. at least someone appreciates the fact that i'm doing and not thinking. and now i don't think i won't not go to the bathroom.", "y": "was that necessary? he is not making smart decisions. barney exactly. it's like, what's he gonna do next. i don't know, but i want to find out."}, {"x": "well, that explains the ankle.", "y": "and then we brought you home and put you to bed."}, {"x": "was there anyone else in there with me?", "y": "there's a girl in there."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "who is she?"}, {"x": "what the hell happened to my jacket? marshall whoa.", "y": "that girl in there is alive, right? ted i should call barney, maybe he knows what happened."}, {"x": "the porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling.", "y": "wait, were you here when i went to the bathroom in the middle of the night?"}, {"x": "you guys take care of me. you guys are the best. i love you guys so much.", "y": "good night, ted."}, {"x": "did any of you write that?", "y": "hi, i'm ted, if lost, please call...who's number is that?"}, {"x": "oh come on. you've gotta give me this one. those five sh*ts got you farther with robin than your brain ever did. see what happens when you don't think? you do! more importantly, you do robin. come on.", "y": "all right, right over here."}, {"x": "maybe it's not such a bad idea to think about this one. you and robin went down this road before, you got dinged up pretty bad.", "y": "you know who might have something to say about ted's future with robin? robin. go wake her up."}, {"x": "she's coming over. crap.", "y": "wait, this is k*lling me. we have to find out who that girl is."}, {"x": "robin.", "y": "hi robin."}, {"x": "no kidding. those calls were really weird. look, ted, maybe we need to talk.", "y": "let's go get a snack."}, {"x": "but you enjoyed the e-vite, right? thas an actual picture of my pants.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "we will hit all five parties before midnight, and then narrow them down to one, the most awesome party in new york city and that is where we will ring, nay rock, in the new year.", "y": "all right, and party number one that's where we get to meet mary beth?"}, {"x": "people often ask me \"barney, how is it that you're so psyched so much of the time?\"", "y": "by who? who asks you that?"}, {"x": "and the answer is right here... my own, personal \"get psyched\" mix. now, people often think a good mix should rise and fall, but people are wrong. it should be all rise, baby. now prepare yourselves for an audio journey into the white-hot center of adrenaline. bam.", "y": "it's working."}, {"x": "oh, i'll miss you guys. have fun.", "y": "bye."}, {"x": "see ya next year. go get 'em.", "y": "well, this kind of sucks."}, {"x": "hey, we've got four more parties to hit. if party number one turns out to be the best, we'll just limo on back to it.", "y": "we didn't really get a chance to meet. i'm lily, and this is my fiance, marshall."}, {"x": "my word.", "y": "you're, you're friendly."}, {"x": "american party friends of barney's.", "y": "oh, no."}, {"x": "oh, friendly.", "y": "so, where are you from, natalya?"}, {"x": "how are your feet doing, baby?", "y": "okay, i love these shoes, but the pain-to-hotness ratio is pretty steep. can we swing by the apartment, so i can change?"}, {"x": "come on, lily, we have a tightly scheduled evening of awesomeness ahead of us. i need you to power through the pain.", "y": "okay, ted, but these dogs are really barking."}, {"x": "oh, wait, wait, wait. we have to turn around. we left natalya.", "y": "barney, none of us really liked her."}, {"x": "what?!", "y": "sorry."}, {"x": "no, this is perfect. it's meant to be. we're all back together.", "y": "what happened?"}, {"x": "come on, it's only a 20-minute detour.", "y": "which is exactly how much time i need. ranjit, stop the car."}, {"x": "wait. baby, what are you doing?", "y": "i'm going home."}, {"x": "what? no!", "y": "i can't stay in these heels any longer, i just can't. there's a cab over there. i'll just run back to the apartment and change shoes."}, {"x": "but... hot dogs.", "y": "well, i know, baby, i'd love to go, but it's two against one."}, {"x": "okay, i'll go with you.", "y": "no, baby. baby, you go with them and i'll meet you at, at... party number three."}, {"x": "are you sure?", "y": "if i don't see you, happy new year."}, {"x": "don't say that. we'll find each other. we'll find each other.", "y": "i know we will."}, {"x": "that's marshall's phone. hello.", "y": "oh, marshall, thank god i got through."}, {"x": "hey, sexy.", "y": "barney, where's marshall?"}, {"x": "he left his phone in the limo. he's out looking for you.", "y": "what? where?"}, {"x": "party number three.", "y": "well, i'm here at party number three and... oh, my god! guess who just walked in... moby!"}, {"x": "lily, you have to get out of there this instant. that's not moby.", "y": "uh, no, i know moby and that's mo... does he have a g*n?"}, {"x": "run! oh, my god, not moby's party is party number four. what are the odds?", "y": "who was that guy?!"}, {"x": "party number three!", "y": "no, but i was just at party number three."}, {"x": "okay okay, not a problem. he'll jack it up, slap on a tire and we'll be at party number three in no time.", "y": "i wish marshall would call. i guess the circuits are jammed."}, {"x": "happy new year, ted.", "y": "i can't believe mary beth left before midnight."}, {"x": "the first time i rode in a limo i was five. i was on the way to my grandfather's funeral. i suppose, in a way, i still am.", "y": "okay, wow, it's getting weird in here. i'm going to call marshall."}, {"x": "but he left his phone.", "y": "marshall! marshall!"}, {"x": "i'll give you some privacy.", "y": "marshall!"}, {"x": "okay, how's this for a plan? we start walking now, we get to party number three by 1245. we celebrate the new year in central standard time.", "y": "marshall!"}, {"x": "trying to turn this night into anything more than what it is, which is new year's eve which is the single biggest letdown of a night every single year.", "y": "marshall!"}, {"x": "stop trying to chase down some magical, perfect new years, ted. it doesn't exist.", "y": "marshall!"}, {"x": "holy crap.", "y": "marshall!"}, {"x": "come on! oh! oh!", "y": "baby, baby, i was so worried about you. why didn't you call me?"}, {"x": "let's do this! come on! in! go, go, go!", "y": "natalya?"}, {"x": "well, derek and i just broke up.", "y": "no, that's terrible, are you ok?"}, {"x": "ok, guys, i gotta say something. i think my feelings for robin may be resurfacing.", "y": "oh, because they were buried in a shallow grave."}, {"x": "this wedding does sound pretty amazing though. fancy hotel ballroom, everybody all dressed up.", "y": "ah, here we go."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "we can't get anywhere with our wedding plans because i want it to be fun and marshall wants it to be lame."}, {"x": "oh yeah, ok, that's a pretty fair assessment of our two arguments.", "y": "i thought so."}, {"x": "you know what, excuse me if i don't wanna get married barefoot in the woods next to lake no-one's-gonna-drive-that-far. yes, i want a ballroom and i want a band and i want shoes.", "y": "a little girl?"}, {"x": "what up?", "y": "yes, but i'm the bride so i win."}, {"x": "well, i thought marriage was about two equal partners sharing a life together.", "y": "right. but i'm the bride, so i win."}, {"x": "lily, i need a dress.", "y": "you're going. that's awesome. oh my god, four days to find a dress?"}, {"x": "i know, it's a su1c1de mission.", "y": "well, if we leave now, we can still have a fighting chance. let's do it."}, {"x": "just a second.", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "hey, listen.", "y": "wait, two things. first of all, i've been laying groundwork all afternoon, totally subtle, totally cool, not pushing, not even nudging. just the theme of today is ted rocks. and she's picking up on it lying down."}, {"x": "lily's there's a problem.", "y": "wait, no, thing number two. the dress, we got a dress."}, {"x": "yeah, about that.", "y": "so, the dress?"}, {"x": "i don't have a 'plus one' for the wedding.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "i ran into claudia and she told me i didn't check 'plus one' on the reply card.", "y": "why didn't you check 'plus..."}, {"x": "i did check 'plus one'.", "y": "but robin is so excited."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "and the dress."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "oh. ok, ok, we'll, we'll sneak her in."}, {"x": "we can't sneak her in, we're not ninjas.", "y": "i wish we were ninjas."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "you can always ask stuart."}, {"x": "can i do that?", "y": "sure, you guys have been friends for a long time, and it's 40% his wedding too."}, {"x": "well, thanks, stu, it's gonna be a great wedding.", "y": "honey, this magazine says more and more couples are opting to have nontraditional weddings out in the woods."}, {"x": "well, if a magazine says so, we should go get married in the woods like a couple of squirrels.", "y": "squirrels don't get married, marshall."}, {"x": "i did it. i did it. i'm taking her to the wedding.", "y": "nice."}, {"x": "oh, you went around the bride. \"oh, this hornet's nest looks harmless. maybe i'll poke it with a stick. oh, look, some gremlins, let me go feed them after midnight.\" did you known about this?", "y": "it may have been my idea."}, {"x": "ha! so you admit it, the groom should have an equal say.", "y": "oh, yeah, sure, on the stupid stuff, like who comes."}, {"x": "so i can invite whoever i want.", "y": "sure, there's plenty of room in the woods."}, {"x": "here, lily, you answer it.", "y": "what? why?"}, {"x": "because this whole thing was your idea. and claudia scares me.", "y": "but...but you're the guy...oh."}, {"x": "you know what, the wedding's off.", "y": "they broke up."}, {"x": "ow!", "y": "uh-huh, uh-huh."}, {"x": "it's not because of me, is it?", "y": "uh-huh."}, {"x": "it's robin.", "y": "answer it."}, {"x": "ted, focus.", "y": "sweetie, just calm down. do you wanna go somewhere and talk?"}, {"x": "i wanna go somewhere and drink.", "y": "ok, meet me at maclaren's. i'll see you there."}, {"x": "tell claudia i'm sorry. did she seem pissed at me?", "y": "she said if there's no wedding tomorrow, you owe her father $400,000."}, {"x": "isn't it weird that we should run into each other like this? two souls of equal levels of attractiveness, both fitting together like two pieces of a very attractive puzzle.", "y": "oh, hell no."}, {"x": "oww", "y": "claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me god, if i catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her, i will take those peanuts you try to pass off as testicles and i will squeeze them so hard your eyes pop out and then i'll feed them to you like grapes."}, {"x": "and i went to the wedding stag. then, when i least expected it...", "y": "hey, where the hell did you disappear to last night?"}, {"x": "tell me about it, that cake, best cake i ever had. seriously. my stomach was like, hey bro, i don't know what you're eating 'cause i don't have any eyes but it's basically awesome so keep sending it down gullet alley.", "y": "yeah, i know. my stomach was like, girlfriend, we don't always get along but that cake..."}, {"x": "lily.", "y": "oh right. most amazing night ever, and go."}, {"x": "oh.", "y": "oh, what is wrong with you?"}, {"x": "it haunts me.", "y": "so, what happened next?"}, {"x": "go. go, go, go", "y": "so, that's what happened to the bouquet. you know, good for victoria. it's such an evil tradition."}, {"x": "you're not gonna do it at your wedding?", "y": "oh, yeah, i'm gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it into the crowd and scream, crawl for it, b*tches. it's just what girls do."}, {"x": "a drumroll? that's it. so, what, you just said good-night, came home, and performed a drum solo?", "y": "oh, ted, you're such a doof. i mean, this girl sounds amazing."}, {"x": "nothing. her name's victoria, that's all i got. wait, claudia, claudia would know.", "y": "well, claudia's on her honeymoon. she'll be back in two weeks. call her then."}, {"x": "yes, two weeks, good idea. i'm calling her now.", "y": "no, ted, you don't mess with a honeymoon."}, {"x": "there was no victoria at the wedding.", "y": "maybe she used a second fake name. oh, she's good, she's very good."}, {"x": "wait, wait, wait, she was sitting across from a couple of bridesmaids. she must have been at their table. maybe they know who she was?", "y": "great. how do we get in touch with the bridesmaids?"}, {"x": "because we just hooked up last night. i can't call the girl the next day. i have to wait at least, like, forever. oh snap. never gonna call her. besides, she thinks i'm on my way to india.", "y": "oh, come on, barney. it's for a good cause."}, {"x": "i understand.", "y": "ok, let's not lose hope. we'll call the hotel, maybe she was staying there. we'll have them check the registry for anyone named victoria. or maybe she goes by vicky or tori..."}, {"x": "and i thought that was the end of it, but then...", "y": "hey, there's the anchor lady! how was it?"}, {"x": "oh, i don't know. why don't you ask the new substitute weekend anchor. robin? thanks, robin, it was awesome. back to you, robin.", "y": "congrats, that's so cool."}, {"x": "yeah, i felt really bad bailing on ted though.", "y": "oh, don't even worry about it. in fact..."}, {"x": "and then lily told her the whole story, right down to the brown shoes with the little snowflakes on them, and by the end of it...", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "i know who she is.", "y": "you know who she is? but, you weren't even at the wedding."}, {"x": "actually, i kind of was.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "hey, you're speaking to a fellow snotter. so, why are you crying?", "y": "because you have feelings for ted."}, {"x": "i don't know, maybe.", "y": "ok, what is wrong with the two of you?! seriously. he likes you and you like him, just, just, just be together. geez, louise, happiness is not that difficult."}, {"x": "oh, look, ok. yes, i cried in the bathroom, and that was weird. but that doesn't mean i'm in love with the guy. the fact is i don't know how i feel.", "y": "yes you do. seeing him with someone else and crying about it. guess what? that's how you feel. that is nothing but how you feel."}, {"x": "but it doesn't change anything. i still don't wanna get married and he's still... ted. what i should do is just tell him who victoria is so he could be happy.", "y": "or you could tell him you're into him and then you could both be happy."}, {"x": "i'm gonna go find him.", "y": "well, wait. which one are you gonna tell him?"}, {"x": "i'm going down to that bakery.", "y": "no, no, don't do it."}, {"x": "yeah, all day long, you've been busting my apple bag about finding this girl.", "y": "well, i just think that maybe she's not that into you and that's why she didn't give you her number. robin, care to chime in with anything? robin yes. ted. go get her."}, {"x": "the real ted sounds real sexy. it's too bad i'll never get to see it.", "y": "buttercup bakery. this is it."}, {"x": "they have to come out soon, it's monday.", "y": "do you think they've been in there the whole time? i don't know whether to be proud or concerned."}, {"x": "two days straight?!", "y": "wow, your room must smell like a monkey cage!"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "you've only had sex with one girl in your whole life.", "y": "burn!"}, {"x": "oh, i can't, i'm taking victoria out for dinner.", "y": "no, no, we can't, it's our nine-year anniversary."}, {"x": "wow, nine years? your relationship's a fourth grader. congrats.", "y": "thanks. we're going to the berkshires for the maple syrup harvest."}, {"x": "ready to go?", "y": "hell, yeah. nothing better than a weekend at a good bed and breakfast."}, {"x": "yeah. waking up for breakfast at 700 a.m....sharp.", "y": "complimenting the odors and their collection of needle-point geese."}, {"x": "awkward conversations with middle-aged couples trying to stave off divorce.", "y": "yeah, well, we'd better get going, it's like a four-hour drive."}, {"x": "and it's supposed to rain tonight.", "y": "or we could just stay home."}, {"x": "maybe watch some tv.", "y": "order in some chinese."}, {"x": "oh, sichuan garden! are we really bailing?", "y": "hell, yeah."}, {"x": "75th and amsterdam.", "y": "i'm so glad we decided to just stay home."}, {"x": "oh, i know. can you imagine if we'd gone? we'd be just getting there now, all tired and cranky.", "y": "and yet we'd feel obligated to have sex."}, {"x": "i'm so glad your roommates are out of town.", "y": "oh, my god, what are they doing home?"}, {"x": "they think we went away. oh, it is on for my boy, ted.", "y": "but we didn't go away, we're in the bathroom."}, {"x": "they don't know that. all we have to do is hide out in here until ted moves his mojo into the bedroom.", "y": "but i don't want to hide out in here."}, {"x": "honey, ted has been going out of his mind waiting for this. if we go out there and spoil the mood, it's not going to happen. then one of us is going to have to have sex with ted, and... not going to be me.", "y": "okay, fine. i guess i'll actually floss."}, {"x": "no. because the beauty of a moment is that it's fleeting. by its very nature, it... slips through our fingers... making it that much more precious.", "y": "ugh, that is bad. that is, like, high-school-literary-magazine bad."}, {"x": "and they're not even high.", "y": "it's actually working."}, {"x": "yeah, smooth but slowly. god, close the deal, already. it's been, like, 45 minutes... we could have had sex three times by now.", "y": "yeah, try five."}, {"x": "what up! maybe we should just go out there.", "y": "no way! we can't go out there now. they'll know that we've been sitting in the bathroom the whole time. it'll be too weird."}, {"x": "i want to know you. like, know your soul. ted, what makes you cry?", "y": "honey, could you hold my hair back, i think i'm going to hurl."}, {"x": "he's just staring into her eyes.", "y": "i don't know, we used to be even more nauseatingly into each other than ted and victoria. now look at us."}, {"x": "yeah... now we just make fun of people like that. it's the circle of life.", "y": "no, i'm serious, marshall. i mean, we couldn't even get it up to go on our big trip. and now we're celebrating our anniversary stuck in a bathroom."}, {"x": "well, it's not fair to compare us to ted and victoria. this is their first time.", "y": "yeah, but we could still have some more romance. now, you just say, \"want to do it?\" and i say, \"yeah.\""}, {"x": "want to...", "y": "no! maybe we're just out of firsts."}, {"x": "yes!", "y": "yes!"}, {"x": "yes!", "y": "yes!"}, {"x": "you're answering it? he's answering it!", "y": "no! do her! do her now!"}, {"x": "i'll get another bottle.", "y": "i need a drink. do we have any cough syrup in here?"}, {"x": "all right.", "y": "marshall, what happened to us? we used to just stare into each other's eyes all night long. have we lost that?"}, {"x": "maybe. but i think i just found it. right here. baby, i'm giving you sexy smoldering with just a hint of crazy eyes.", "y": "okay, well, get ready for my sex-ray vision. did you remember to pick up the dry cleaning? oh, damn it."}, {"x": "it's all right. we can do this.", "y": "let's just hold hands. this is nice."}, {"x": "you love that move. it's a classic marshall.", "y": "all right, we totally suck at this. we really, really need to get out of here."}, {"x": "well, we can't.", "y": "baby, there's something i have to do, and if i do it in front of you, it'll change the entire nature of our relationship."}, {"x": "what is it?", "y": "i have to pee."}, {"x": "this is bad.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "we've gone nine years without peeing in front of each other. you always think there'll be more time.", "y": "look at us. we're basically an old married couple, and we're not even married yet. the flame of our romance is flickering, and if i pee all over it, it might go out forever."}, {"x": "how much longer do you think you can hold it?", "y": "i drank a big gulp of mountain dew during that quantum leap marathon."}, {"x": "we'll see about that.", "y": "oh, my god, i hate ted. i hate him so much."}, {"x": "baby, why don't you just go? tons of other couples have peed in front of each other.", "y": "no, but we haven't, because i want to keep some of the mystery alive."}, {"x": "well, you have farted in front of me.", "y": "yes, but i always cover it with a cough."}, {"x": "they can suck on each other's fingers for an hour, but there's no time to take two steps to the bedroom?", "y": "baby, i can't hold it in any longer. it's time."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "i love you, marshall."}, {"x": "great. i hope you're happy. you sunk my battleship.", "y": "i'm okay. you okay?"}, {"x": "i feel the same. and yet, strangely different.", "y": "i'm happy for my bladder, yet sad for us."}, {"x": "you had to do it, sweetie... for ted. and, hey, look, at least now we can stay in here as long as it takes.", "y": "yeah. i guess our relationship had to take a hit so a new one out there could blossom. oh, crap!"}, {"x": "they must have heard that.", "y": "well, i guess we can come out now. i don't believe it. they're gone."}, {"x": "no. backgammon sucks. i took the only good part of backgammon, the \"gammon,\" and i left the rest of it in the trash where it belongs.", "y": "i'm so excited victoria's coming."}, {"x": "no. i-i swore you to secrecy on that.", "y": "ooh, i am smelling dirt. what is the story of the re-return?"}, {"x": "nothing. it's nothing. and speaking of digging up dirt, can i count on you two to behave around victoria?", "y": "us? what would we do?"}, {"x": "fine.", "y": "fine."}, {"x": "thank you.", "y": "i should go help robin."}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "hey. so, are you going to be okay hanging out with victoria tonight?"}, {"x": "oh, sure. she's great. oh, what? because of the whole thing where i said i liked ted? no. victoria's great. she's fun, she's free-spirited, she's great. i said, \"she's great\" too many times, didn't i?", "y": "you must really hate the bitch."}, {"x": "you said what, you got to drink!", "y": "oh, barney, by the way, i went to a party in that new building on 82nd, and the host said she knew you. what is her name? sharon? shannon?"}, {"x": "shannon?! shannon, shannon... no, don't remember any shannon.", "y": "really? well, 'cause she gave me a videotape to give..."}, {"x": "where's the tape?", "y": "fine. i'll go get it."}, {"x": "thank you! finally somebody understands marsh-gammon.", "y": "barney, what was on that tape?"}, {"x": "too bad you'll never find out.", "y": "oh, damn it! if only i'd given you a fake tape and hidden the real tape in my purse. oh, wait. that's exactly what i did."}, {"x": "drink!", "y": "yeah, you were acting so weird about it, i gave you ted's graduation tape instead. so, should we pop it in?"}, {"x": "yeah, we're-we're really sorry about that.", "y": "yeah, so sorry. but seriously, what was up with the tape? no, no, stay."}, {"x": "all right.", "y": "the kids still call him funny butt."}, {"x": "you know what? this was a mistake.", "y": "wait... what if somebody else told their most humiliating story?"}, {"x": "oh, i know just how to decide who.", "y": "you brought the game to the bar?"}, {"x": "that is the greatest story ever!", "y": "oh my god!"}, {"x": "i don't know, guys.", "y": "okay, okay. marshall's mom sent us cookies..."}, {"x": "lily, no!", "y": "for the team, marshall, for the team."}, {"x": "oh, crap. my mom sent cookies?", "y": "yeah. i wish we had a dog, so they wouldn't go to waste."}, {"x": "so we've got the whole place to ourselves.", "y": "i'm thinking floor sex."}, {"x": "sounds reasonable.", "y": "ooh, floor's cold. grab that afghan your mom made."}, {"x": "the whole time?", "y": "the... whole... time."}, {"x": "will i ever see another rainbow oh, man.", "y": "oh, you poor thing."}, {"x": "sorry.", "y": "you've got to tell us."}, {"x": "hello? is someone out there?", "y": "you ralphed and ran?"}, {"x": "great! well, that answers all the questions i didn't ask.", "y": "robin!"}, {"x": "what are you guys up to? oh, dress shopping. you know, i make wedding cakes for a lot of fancy bridal shops. if you want, i could take you shopping, maybe get you a discount.", "y": "really? that'd be great."}, {"x": "hey, i thought it was going to be just us tomorrow. what's with inviting punky brewster?", "y": "robin, you've got to get over this ted and victoria thing. you had your chance, and now he's moved on. can't you just be happy for them?"}, {"x": "the best i can give you is a fake smile and dead eyes.", "y": "sold. victoria, what's wrong?"}, {"x": "hey, baby, how's the dress place?", "y": "everything's so fluffy and white. it's like shopping in a marshmallow. how's barney's tailor?"}, {"x": "um, everything here is dark and sketchy and seems illegal. it's like shopping in barney's mind.", "y": "well, good luck, baby."}, {"x": "everything here is dark and sketchy and seems illegal. it's like shopping in barney's mind.", "y": "oh, good luck, baby."}, {"x": "now, what sort of dress did you have in mind, dear?", "y": "nothing too huge or-or poofy. i'm not really a girlie girl. but i would like to look like a beautiful princess."}, {"x": "i saw a couple up front that were nice.", "y": "where does she get off? she doesn't know how much money i make."}, {"x": "oh, these women are experts. they can guess your net annual income just by looking at your underwear.", "y": "damn you old navy and your reasonably-priced three-packs!"}, {"x": "you know, i don't know. i mean, i want to go, but i don't want to lose ted. i even thought about long distance, as if that ever works.", "y": "ugh. all talking and no sex. k*ll me now."}, {"x": "oh!", "y": "it's okay, guys, i hate it."}, {"x": "it's bad, it's really bad. short in front, long in the back? that is the mullet of wedding dresses.", "y": "you know, victoria, marshall and i did long distance once. in college, i did an art course in paris. i was the only american there. it was really lonely. i only had one friend, gabrielle. she was kind of homely and strange-looking, and she was really self-conscious about this little moustache she had. anyway, halfway through the semester, she just stopped talking to me, and i never figured out why. and then i had nobody. the only thing that got me through was knowing that my soul mate was back at home waiting for me. if ted's your soul mate, then it may be worth it to hang onto him."}, {"x": "bye. why does ted want to know if i like cats?", "y": "maybe he's going to buy you one."}, {"x": "aw.", "y": "oh, god, you guys are sucky liars."}, {"x": "i don't know what to say. you know what? we're doing this all wrong. i am going to get you one of those front window dresses, just for fun.", "y": "are you okay?"}, {"x": "i'm fine.", "y": "okay. just kind of seemed like you're trying to hustle victoria out of the country."}, {"x": "i'm not, i'm just trying to support her. she got a super-important dessert scholarship.", "y": "stop being sarcastic. it is a super-important dessert scholarship. wow, that's hard to say without sounding sarcastic. look... i know you're not victoria's biggest fan, but she seems to make ted happy. so think about that before you use your miles to buy her a plane ticket."}, {"x": "somebody say \"beautiful princess.\"", "y": "oh, my gosh, it's perfect! oh! this dress is totally going to get me laid on my wedding night."}, {"x": "you do?", "y": "well, i'm always putting my career ahead of my relationships, and... to be honest, there's a lot of lonely nights in that job description."}, {"x": "aw.", "y": "oh, i am so beautiful! oh, don't tell me how much it costs. just snap my neck now, so i can die this pretty."}, {"x": "wow, you look incredible.", "y": "oh. okay, okay, how much is it, on a scale of never to never ever?"}, {"x": "never ever, ever, ever, ever... times infinity.", "y": "well, it's okay. you know, what makes a bride beautiful is that she's just happy to be getting married. oh, guys, i know i look amazing, but the important thing is that marshall and i love each other, right?"}, {"x": "okay. come on, get up, let us see how bad it is.", "y": "it was like this when i found it?"}, {"x": "and how will you be paying for this?", "y": "credit card... s."}, {"x": "lily, you have to tell him. that dress cost a fortune.", "y": "no, i'm just gonna wait for the next time marshall really screws up, and then, i'll just slip this in, and it won't seem so bad by comparison."}, {"x": "well, here's hoping he cheats on you.", "y": "yeah, but only, like, second base."}, {"x": "well, it won't work. even if i have to get two extra night jobs, i'll pay your precious tailor. i'm not selling my soul. baby, i know that this will make things harder, but i will make it work, i promise.", "y": "i destroyed an $8,000 wedding dress."}, {"x": "okay, it's just an internship to make a little money. after law school, i'm going to work for the nrdc. they're gonna stop global warming.", "y": "here's your sack lunch."}, {"x": "okay, i love you because, one, you made me a sack lunch and two, you laugh every time you say the word \"sack\".", "y": "i love you, marshmallow."}, {"x": "three.", "y": "and how many have you sent her?"}, {"x": "the irony is clear, ted.", "y": "hey! how was your first day?"}, {"x": "i don't wanna talk about it. the guys i work with are a bunch of jerks.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "they're jerks!", "y": "what makes them jerks?"}, {"x": "give it back. hey, give it. gimme... give it!", "y": "oh, screw those guys! we're adorable."}, {"x": "i know. god. it's like freshman year all over again. only this time, my sweet dance moves aren't going to be enough to win them over. not even old reliable.", "y": "sweetie... it would be cool to have some extra money, but, but, if you're unhappy, it's not worth it."}, {"x": "look at yourself, marshall. you're not happy. and you know why? because you're different. now, i suppose you could learn to love yourself for the unique little snowflake that you are, or... you could change your entire personality, which is just so much easier.", "y": "change your personality? that is so awful, and not at all motivational."}, {"x": "not necessarily. okay, at first, i was appalled, but then i realized it's just like dr. aurelia birnholz-vasquez in life among the gorillas. i have to gain the acceptance of the herd by behaving exactly like one of them. it's an anthropological study. isn't that cool?", "y": "it sounds kinda like peer pressure."}, {"x": "no, no, no. it's totally anthropological and it's cool and i'm doing it.", "y": "yeah, i'm pretty sure it's peer pressure. we have an assembly every year."}, {"x": "i'm portraying someone who succumbs to peer pressure.", "y": "all right, but if those guys try to pressure you to smoke, what do you say?"}, {"x": "only when i'm drunk.", "y": "good boy."}, {"x": "'sup, blauman? e-b*mb here. we still on for karaoke? dope. i'm going to rock you on the mike so hard your hears are going to bleed gravy. catch you on the flip, butt puppet.", "y": "okay...what do you think?"}, {"x": "steak sauce.", "y": "steak sauce?"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "look, you know, whatever anthropology you do at work is your business, but please don't act like that around here."}, {"x": "lily, when dr. aurelia birnholz-...", "y": "no, when dr. australia birdbath-vaseline came home from the gorillas, she didn't run around picking nits out of people's hair and-and throwing feces. i'm begging you just, just leave it at the office."}, {"x": "why?", "y": "because you're acting like one of those guys, and those guys are lame."}, {"x": "okay, those guys were mean at first, yes, but they're actually good guys, and if you got to know them, then you would see that. come karaoke with us tonight, and you'll see how totally not that lame they are, okay?", "y": "okay."}, {"x": "but wait, knock-knock, back door, who's there? angelina jolie... wait, in a wheelchair. what do you do? go.", "y": "you're right. they're delightful."}, {"x": "oh, don't get me wrong. i'm good. the best, really. but it's the greatest samurai who lets his sword rust in its scabbard.", "y": "oh, baby, they have our song. let's do \"don't go breaking my heart.\""}, {"x": "\"don't go breaking my heart.\" elton john, kiki dee.", "y": "well, actually, marshall and i have this little dance routine."}, {"x": "i told you he would. aw, we're gonna own the office.", "y": "okay, that was gross. when were you going to tell me you changed your entire career path?"}, {"x": "nothing has changed, okay? i still want to help the environment. i just thought that maybe i could make some money for a few years. we could buy an apartment, send our kids to good schools. you could quit your job and focus on your painting. i know that you say you don't need it, but... i love you and i want to give it to you anyway. i want to give you the package.", "y": "the package?! you've already given me the package. you've got a great package, marshall. i love your package."}, {"x": "lily, you're the most incredible woman i know, and you deserve a big package.", "y": "your package has always been big enough. you may not realize this, marshall eriksen, but you've got a huge package."}, {"x": "do you have a fianc\u00e9?", "y": "marshall was here yesterday. they just learned the word \"fianc\u00e9.\""}, {"x": "no. are you? just because a woman lives alone doesn't mean she's a les...", "y": "okay, let's have a big hand for robin the reporter. all right, our next guest is another friend..."}, {"x": "ha-ha. laugh now, those kids are monsters. they're going to eat you alive.", "y": "he has a job doing... what do you do?"}, {"x": "dude, robin and i are just friends. she doesn't even like me that way.", "y": "yes, she does! she likes you. she told me."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "it's a big secret, so don't tell her i told you, but she's very vulnerable right now and you have a girlfriend. go home, ted."}, {"x": "she-she likes me?", "y": "yes. so you see why it would be a very bad idea for you to go up there. go home, ted."}, {"x": "she likes me?", "y": "go home, ted."}, {"x": "uh, you're right. i'll, uh, i'll see you at home.", "y": "good. he's going home."}, {"x": "he is so not going home. i cannot believe you just told him that.", "y": "what do you mean?"}, {"x": "lily, here's what you just said \"ted, whatever you do, don't go up there. there's a beautiful girl who wants to have sex with you. and then she's gonna make you some delicious juice.\"", "y": "no, he's not going up there. he has more sense than that."}, {"x": "how much does korean elvis rock? i'll answer that. infinity. he rocks... infinity.", "y": "okay, it's time for bed."}, {"x": "what? no. it's 230.", "y": "nothing good ever happens after 200 a.m."}, {"x": "i said \"almost.\" all those things happened after 200 a.m. because after 200 a.m. is when things get-- audience, say it with me-- legendary.", "y": "we're going home."}, {"x": "what do you expect from me? it's robin. victoria's great, but, it's robin. i've made up my mind. i'm going to end it with victoria.", "y": "gonna?"}, {"x": "yes. first thing tomorrow.", "y": "okay, but, but, as of right now at-at... 245 a.m. you still have a girlfriend. ted, i love you. i love robin. but if you do this right now, your entire future with her will be built on a crime. just go home, ted. don't do this the wrong way."}, {"x": "i hate how you're always right.", "y": "it's my best and most annoying trait."}, {"x": "come on, lily. how many women can say they've been personally serenaded by korean elvis?", "y": "i think he just spat on me."}, {"x": "dude, we haen't hit legendary yet. we're only at the \"le\". we still got the \"gen.\" the \"da.\" the \"ry.\"", "y": "okay, if we're at the \"le,\" then i say we follow it up with a \"t's go home.\""}, {"x": "no, no, no, no, no. baby, baby, baby, don't go. just one dance, huh?", "y": "okay, seriously."}, {"x": "her favorite cd in the otis redding box set? disc three. my favorite? any guesses? anyone? come on. disc three! god, victoria's so amazing! i could talk about her for hours.", "y": "what do you mean \"could\"?"}, {"x": "hey. something kind of cool just happened. my story on pickles, the singing dog, just got nominated for a local area media award.", "y": "a... lame-a?"}, {"x": "so should i wear my hair up or down? lily.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "you okay?", "y": "oh, yeah, sorry. i'm just exhausted from work. the stupid school board took away nap time in all kindergarten classes and now the kids are just going crazy by the end of the day. it's much harder to deal with because, well, i don't get my nap."}, {"x": "wait, you were taking naps when the kids were? is that safe?", "y": "well, they're only five. what are they gonna do to me?"}, {"x": "ted's still coming to this thing, right?", "y": "yep."}, {"x": "do you think, um... hypothetically... it would be weird if i bring a date?", "y": "look at you, scherbotsky, blatantly trying to make ted jealous."}, {"x": "no, it's just this guy at the station. i never get involved with co-workers, but he asked me and i said yes. is it going to be weird?", "y": "no, it's not going to be weird at all. robin's bringing a date."}, {"x": "boy. that's going to be really weird.", "y": "i know."}, {"x": "i hate this guy.", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "hi.", "y": "i'm lily."}, {"x": "oh, please. how's it's going to come out? \"uh, pass me a towel. p.s., i have sex for money.\"", "y": "who has sex for money?"}, {"x": "nobody. what did you guys talk about in there? anything interesting?", "y": "no, not really. we just chitchatted and i borrowed her lipstick. why is vampire lou the host of a saturday afternoon kung fu movie? you know, it just makes no sense. god, that pisses me off."}, {"x": "lily, you okay?", "y": "oh, yeah, i'm just tired. and when i get tired, i get cranky."}, {"x": "really? i couldn't imagine you cranky.", "y": "\"really? i couldn't imagine you cranky.\""}, {"x": "wow. why are you so tired?", "y": "well, i teach kindergarten and the school board took away my nap time, the kids' nap time."}, {"x": "lily, quit your job. work at a private school. you won't have to deal with the school board, and you'll make a ton more money.", "y": "well, guess what, barney? i don't base all my life decisions on how much money i'm going to make, unlike you and, sadly, my fiance."}, {"x": "well, it's just an internship, for the record.", "y": "yeah, because if i did sacrifice all my values just for an easy buck, what would that make me?"}, {"x": "a prost*tute.", "y": "exactly. thank you, mary."}, {"x": "i just assist with day-to-day clerical work in a law firm downtown.", "y": "oh, what firm?"}, {"x": "oh, that's real mature.", "y": "marshall, what is up with you and ted?"}, {"x": "barney paid for her.", "y": "is that true?"}, {"x": "okay, seriously, what is going on with ted lately? is he having a nervous breakdown?", "y": "you know, barney, for anyone else, this would be a new low, but sadly, for you, it's just a new middle. oh, my god, i used her lipstick! ah!"}, {"x": "that's her napkin.", "y": "no!"}, {"x": "van smoot is available.", "y": "oh, my god!"}, {"x": "there was a cancellation two months from now.", "y": "you want to have our wedding in two months? no. it's impossible."}, {"x": "it's van smoot, lily. it's the dream!", "y": "no, there's just not enough time. there's no way... oh! mini-vomit."}, {"x": "okay, look, look, look. i know that it's sudden, but check it. if we don't take this, guess who's on their way with a deposit check.", "y": "todd and valerie?"}, {"x": "we got to make a decision. todd and valerie are in motion. van smoot!", "y": "oh! kids, color come on, baby."}, {"x": "todd. valerie. stairs.", "y": "i can't believe it. we got van smoot house."}, {"x": "how are you going to get everything done?", "y": "division of labor. everyone's got a job to do, so listen up. okay, robin, you and ted go to the florist."}, {"x": "it was your girlfriend. you might want to call her back.", "y": "or, actually, robin, why don't you go to the florist? and, ted, i could use your keen architectural eye on... on the invitations."}, {"x": "hey, what about me? what's my job? what do i get to do?", "y": "okay, your job is very simple. at the wedding, do not sleep with anyone even remotely related to me."}, {"x": "shh! shh! look how cute she looks. all tuckered out. hey, babe. hey, little one. hey, lilypad.", "y": "crap! band! we forgot a band! it's just gonna be silence and then people chewing."}, {"x": "shh! shh! baby, don't worry about it. i called the 88!", "y": "who?"}, {"x": "i saw them two months ago at my cousin bonzo's wedding, they were great.", "y": "john \"bonzo\" bonham from led zeppelin?"}, {"x": "yes, lily, my cousin, the drummer from led zeppelin, who d*ed in 1980, got married two months ago.", "y": "look, i... i can't sign off on a band i've never even seen. we... we don't even know if they can play our song. they're... they're going to have to come over here and audition."}, {"x": "baby, the 88 don't audition. they're, like, the wiggles of wedding bands.", "y": "well, then... i have to say no."}, {"x": "baby, they're only holding the date until monday.", "y": "well... well, are they playing anywhere this weekend?"}, {"x": "let me check their website.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "lily, you're being a wee bit intense about this band thing.", "y": "intense? i have a wedding to plan in nine weeks for 200 people. even if a dinosaur should poke his head out of my butt and consume this coffee table, i need you to roll with it, okay?"}, {"x": "guys! i just tasted an amazing caterer.", "y": "we already have a caterer."}, {"x": "it looks like the 88 are playing at a high school prom in new jersey tomorrow.", "y": "a prom? can... can we go to that?"}, {"x": "yeah, we'll just call the high school, they'll let us stand in the back and watch.", "y": "yeah. no, they won't."}, {"x": "why not?", "y": "'cause it turns out we're not in high school."}, {"x": "we're not sneaking in to a high school prom.", "y": "yes, we are. it's the only way."}, {"x": "you're getting on board with barney's idea? man, you really have snapped.", "y": "it's nine weeks till the wedding. at this point, i'd say yes to just about anything."}, {"x": "well...", "y": "no, barney."}, {"x": "i'll go with you.", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "no, i'm trying to start a thing where the cough is separate.", "y": "do you think we look young enough to blend in at a high school?"}, {"x": "wow. hey, thelma, louise, y'all don't drive off no cliffs now, ya hear? lame! but seriously, leave me a message, and we'll meet up later.", "y": "all right, what do you think?"}, {"x": "horrible.", "y": "you're gonna make such a great dad."}, {"x": "you look so classy and nice. you're going to stick out like a sore thumb. have you seen how the kids are dressing these days, with the ashlee and the lindsay and the paris? they all dress like strippers. it's go ho or go home.", "y": "well, we have to get in. i have to see this band, 'cause we have to make a decision by monday, 'cause i'm getting married in 71 days, and we still don't have..."}, {"x": "shh. sweetie, just focus on one thing at a time, okay? right now, you just have to dress like a whore and that's it.", "y": "all right."}, {"x": "i never thought this would be a bad thing, but my wardrobe just isn't slutty enough.", "y": "i didn't know i still had this."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "the dress i wore to my actual prom."}, {"x": "dude, you are the hottest girl at this prom, and not like in a corporate, plastic way. like, truly, truly hot. like a hot soul.", "y": "aw, you look great, too, scooter."}, {"x": "so big news. i heard from umpire school. i'm in!", "y": "oh, disco! i am so happy for you."}, {"x": "you mean happy for us, right, babe?", "y": "scooter, you're gonna be an umpire someday."}, {"x": "two beautiful flowers for two beautiful flowers.", "y": "aw. sweet. thank you."}, {"x": "no. i've never been to prom before, okay?", "y": "we got to go. see ya."}, {"x": "do i look like i'm four? all right, what kind of prize are we talking?", "y": "wow, a lot more security than when we were kids."}, {"x": "is this gonna work?", "y": "yeah. look, when i was 17, i used to sneak into clubs all the time. it's all about confidence. follow me. whee-hoo! happy prom, everybody. going to prom-- whee-hoo!"}, {"x": "uh, you're adults.", "y": "okay, bye. okay, look, i just need to see the band. i'm getting married in two months, and..."}, {"x": "i'm sorry, ma'am. you either need to be a student or the date of a student.", "y": "wow. \"ma'am?\" check and mate."}, {"x": "great. i'm robin, this is my friend lily.", "y": "hi. shall we?"}, {"x": "don't worry about me. i'll get in. oh... i'll get in.", "y": "we're in!"}, {"x": "thank you. we're going to take a break.", "y": "oh, you're kidding me."}, {"x": "nerds who aren't good at math? life's going to be rough, boys.", "y": "hi. excuse me. i was wondering if you guys could play \"good feeling\" by the violent femmes. i know it's probably not in your repertoire, but i'm getting married and my fianc\u00e9 wants to hire you guys as the band, but i can't sign off on it until i hear you play \"good feeling\" because that's our song, and what kind of wedding band would you be if you couldn't play our song, right? right?"}, {"x": "all right, sheet music's on the way. are you okay?", "y": "there's just so much to do for this wedding. my head is swirling. it's just all moving too fast."}, {"x": "how is it moving too fast? we've been together for two years.", "y": "i just... i just don't want everything in my life to be decided already."}, {"x": "what's decided? i go to umpire school, you go to college. we move into my dad's house in staten island. we have kids, we grow old together. what's decided? it's wide open!", "y": "scooter, when i go off to college, that's the end for us."}, {"x": "you're, you're breaking up with me?", "y": "there's still so much i want to do. i want to travel, live overseas as an artist, maybe have a lesbian relationship. plus, i think i was just dating you 'cause you look a little bit like kurt cobain."}, {"x": "i can't believe this. i can change. i can look more like kurt cobain. please, just don't leave me. i'm nothing without you, baby.", "y": "please don't put that kind of pressure on me! it's too much!"}, {"x": "it's just one dance, god!", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "well, we did promise them one dance.", "y": "yeah, sure, okay. so andrew, what's your big plan? what's life going to be like after tonight?"}, {"x": "well, you know i got it all worked out. uh, leave this place in my dust, four awesome years at college, and then i'll move to prague or start my own video game company or something.", "y": "no, you won't."}, {"x": "i won't?", "y": "no, you won't accomplish anything you set out to. you'll get a girlfriend the first day of college and you'll give up your independence and you'll never live abroad and you'll wind up old before your time wondering \"whatever happened to my hopes and my dreams?\""}, {"x": "yah! nunchaku!", "y": "i can't believe i unloaded like that on a high school senior."}, {"x": "i can't believe a high school senior unloaded like that on me. i'm going to ask you something and, um, maybe it's crazy 'cause you guys are the cutest couple ever. but, um, are you having second thoughts?", "y": "yeah. but not about marshall. about me. i just keep thinking about the girl i was ten years ago and wondering what happened to her."}, {"x": "marshall.", "y": "nice to meet you, marshall. guess we're hallmates."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "it works."}, {"x": "violent femmes. i love this song.", "y": "me, too."}, {"x": "lily, you're marrying your best friend in the world. i mean, isn't that worth all the other experiences combined?", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "and look, you can still travel, i mean, you can still paint. and as far as your lesbian experience... happy?", "y": "yeah. so field hockey, huh?"}, {"x": "'kay. oh, go on, touch it.", "y": "ah! sweet damn, that's a hot plate."}, {"x": "wait for it.", "y": "28. two more 'til the big one, three-oh."}, {"x": "i realize why i'm still single. i'm picky. i'm not going to settle. if i'm going to marry someone, she has to be perfect.", "y": "well, what's perfect?"}, {"x": "attractive, college-educated, she wants two kids-- a boy and a girl...", "y": "that's not hard. i know at least..."}, {"x": "any kim from any cool band, really. can't be too picky.", "y": "you're never going to find this girl."}, {"x": "whoa, you're up early.", "y": "yeah, thought i'd whip up some pancakes."}, {"x": "does marshall know?", "y": "he's still sound asleep."}, {"x": "god, why didn't you throw it away?", "y": "i'm going shopping after work. i'll pick up some milk."}, {"x": "oh...! these pancakes are delightful.", "y": "what's wrong, baby?"}, {"x": "lily?", "y": "hey, ted, are you busy?"}, {"x": "um... yes.", "y": "oh, right. soul mate. forgot. listen, could you take a cab out to duchess county and change a flat on marshall's fiero?"}, {"x": "what? what? no. can't you just call marshall?", "y": "marshall can't know about this. look, ted, it's dark, i don't know how to change a tire, and i've stumbled into the beginning of a very scary campfire story. can you please hurry?"}, {"x": "i can't, i'm waiting...", "y": "oh, my god, is that a drifter with a hook for a hand? no, drifter, no!"}, {"x": "come on, lily.", "y": "but you see my point."}, {"x": "all right, stay there. i'm on my way.", "y": "oh, thank god. i'm so sorry about this. did you get ahold of your date?"}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "and was she okay about pushing it back?"}, {"x": "yes. because she's perfect. so what am i doing here?", "y": "you can never tell marshall."}, {"x": "i won't.", "y": "ever. swear. swear on the lives of your unborn boy and girl."}, {"x": "i swear on luke and leia.", "y": "about a month ago, i started getting insomnia. marrying marshall had been all i wanted for a long time. but, now that it was really happening, it seemed kind of huge and scary."}, {"x": "did you talk to marshall about it?", "y": "he wouldn't have understood. he's not exactly nervous about tying the knot. so i spent my nights reading, painting, setting the high score on super bomber man..."}, {"x": "that was you? awesome!", "y": "i know! i just got in the zone and... not the point of the story. and then i started thinking about victoria and how she followed her dream to germany, and i found that art fellowship."}, {"x": "let me guess. it's somewhere far away.", "y": "san francisco. but it's not like i'm going to do it. the dates conflict with the wedding. but i love painting, and i've always wondered if i'm any good. this was a way to find out. and the interview is tonight. in new haven."}, {"x": "you don't want to get married.", "y": "of course i want to get married. i... it's not like i was ever going to do it. i just... i just really wanted to see if i could get this."}, {"x": "lily, we live in the center of art and culture in america. i'm sure you could find a program here that's just as selective. but you chose one in a city 3,000 miles away, and you didn't tell marshall. i think it's pretty clear what that means.", "y": "okay, i was... i was having second thoughts. but i'm not any more. i... i mean, this flat tire was a sign. i'm not supposed to do this. i'm supposed to go home and-and be with marshall. you must think i'm so stupid."}, {"x": "i don't think you're stupid.", "y": "i love marshall."}, {"x": "i know you do. come here. it's okay. look... marriage is big. you're allowed to freak out.", "y": "but why am i the only one? how come marshall isn't doing anything crazy?"}, {"x": "all done.", "y": "ted, let's go to new haven."}, {"x": "lily, don't do this to yourself.", "y": "i just need to know if i can get in. if i do this interview, and get into the program, then i'll know, and i can forget all about it, and get married. come on! it's an adventure."}, {"x": "no, it's not an adventure. it's a mistake.", "y": "okay, yes, it's a mistake. i know it's a mistake. but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake, and look back, and say, \"yep. that was a mistake.\" so, really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not. and, damn it, i've made no mistakes! i've done all of this-- my life, my relationship, my career-- mistake-free. does any of this make sense to you?"}, {"x": "i don't know. you said \"mistake\" a lot. lily, don't do this.", "y": "ted, i'm getting married in two months, and i'm freaking out, and you're my best friend, and you just have to forgive me for this."}, {"x": "hey, guys.", "y": "hi."}, {"x": "hey. so, lil, did you, uh, get the milk?", "y": "yeah. yeah, i-i got it."}, {"x": "you think you might want to... drink the milk?", "y": "no. nope, i'm good. i don't need any milk."}, {"x": "wrong. it's a mistake you don't have to make. look at the evidence. you and robin have tried this again and again...", "y": "ah, sweet damn, that's a hot plate."}, {"x": "one more. one more time. one more big, beautiful, stupid romantic gesture. and then, whatever she says, yes or no, that's it. if it's yes, great. if it's no, then i am done going after robin forever.", "y": "so what's this big, beautiful romantic gesture?"}, {"x": "i see where this is going. ted, waiting naked in a girl's bed wearing whipped cream undies does not work... usually. the setting-- martha's vineyard, 1999. the characters yours truly and a raven-haired au pair by the name...", "y": "universe. so, this plan you speak of?"}, {"x": "damn it.", "y": "hello."}, {"x": "hey, lily, i'm locked out of my apartment. i need to come pick up my extra key.", "y": "extra key? do i have an extra key to your apartment?"}, {"x": "yes, i gave it to you.", "y": "oh, right. that key. yeah, i lost it."}, {"x": "great, now i gotta go to the locksmith.", "y": "no, wait, uh... maybe you should just knock."}, {"x": "hello, lily, this is janet kagan at the russell house art foundation here in san francisco. i'm pleased to inform you that we've accepted your application for our summer fellowship. we look forward to hearing from you. bye-bye.", "y": "uh, robin, i-i gotta go. just knock, okay?"}, {"x": "i don't care what i said. this is gonna happen. she can't say it's not meant to be. it is meant to be, and you know why? 'cause i mean it to be.", "y": "unpause?"}, {"x": "a painting fellowship?", "y": "i was never going to take it."}, {"x": "in california?", "y": "i was never going to take it."}, {"x": "no, honey... nobody does that. but i guess i'm just a hopeless romantic. i'm gonna put my hand up your dog now.", "y": "so you're saying you would forbid me from going?"}, {"x": "forbid? who said forbid? i was just reminding you that there's this wedding coming up in a couple of months, and i was kind of hoping you'd save the day. look for me... i'll be the guy in the awesome suit. come on, lily. it's what you've always wanted.", "y": "yeah, but there's a lot of things i've always wanted, and i haven't done any of them. i'm sorry. i just need to do this before settling down forever."}, {"x": "so now we've gone from \"i was never gonna do it\" to \"i need to do this\"? did i leave the room at some point? when did that happen?", "y": "oh, maybe when you said you wouldn't let me do it."}, {"x": "i never said that! you know, if you're having these kind of doubts now, what's gonna change in three months? maybe we just shouldn't get married at all.", "y": "maybe not."}, {"x": "pause.", "y": "so, are you just, like, starving?"}, {"x": "totally. red lobster?", "y": "oh, lobster, lobster, lobster, you are delicious!"}, {"x": "oh, god, i love butter sauce! there's nothing bad about it. say something bad about butter sauce, i dare you.", "y": "i wouldn't dare. marshall, no. we're on pause. there's no crying in pauseland! pauseland is a magical place, with... with popcorn shrimp mountains and butter sauce rivers! damn it!"}, {"x": "how did we get here? couple of days ago, the biggest problem in my life was, did ted eat the last pudding snack pack in the fridge.", "y": "i think there's still one left."}, {"x": "dibs.", "y": "unpause?"}, {"x": "unpause.", "y": "look... i know this sucks. it's just something i'm going through. i'm not asking you to understand it. i'm not asking you to be happy about it. i'm just asking you to support it."}, {"x": "i want to, lily, okay? i really do. but i just can't.", "y": "why not?"}, {"x": "because you're scaring the hell out of me, that's why not. what if you decide to go be a painter and then you realize i don't fit in to your life anymore, and three months becomes forever? can you promise me that that's not gonna happen?", "y": "marshall..."}, {"x": "'cause if you can't promise me that, we shoul just break up right now. i'm not gonna wait around for three months just to have my heart ripped out.", "y": "marshall, i love you."}, {"x": "can you promise me that that's not gonna happen?", "y": "pause."}, {"x": "no, lily, we cannot pause this anymore. can you promise me that that's not gonna happen?!", "y": "pause!"}, {"x": "why do you want me to pause?! that's just a great use of the pause function, baby.", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "so that's it? we're breaking up?", "y": "marshall, i'm sorry. i just... i just need to go to san francisco and do this art program and figure out who i am outside of us. and the only way that i can do that is if we don't talk for a while."}, {"x": "i know, but i just...", "y": "wow, mario's bistro. what a perfect place to whore around."}, {"x": "only the best for my little lily pad.", "y": "oh funk legend george clinton, i am so glad you spotted me at your concert an drag me on stage to dance with you courteney cox style."}, {"x": "i am so glad you agreed to play tennis with me.", "y": "oh you know, marshall tried to get me to play tennis for nine years but i didn't do it because i never truly loved him."}, {"x": "i got you a gift.", "y": "oh! a ferret. i'll buy it some food next door at the pet palace. i've always wanted one, but marshall have this secret phobia of ferrets."}, {"x": "i bet that's something he made you promise to tell nobody.", "y": "it was! oh, i love you funk legend george clinton."}, {"x": "lily.", "y": "it is a great ass."}, {"x": "your hair is adorable!", "y": "thank you!"}, {"x": "you're not gonna like it.", "y": "but the best part of sf - oh that's what we call san francisco - the people. even just riding around on the bus all summer, it was like a human tapestry."}, {"x": "i'm taking a leak, dumb-ass.", "y": "but i need the freedom to really chase my passion, which was painting but now, i think it's music, or spoken words. maybe both. god, isn't life amazing."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "it is so great to see you ted. ah! i'm gonna get the key for the lockbox."}, {"x": "terrific.", "y": "that is so good to hear.. oh, hold on. this could be about he apartment.."}, {"x": "ok, we're way past truth-telling lily and about to hit cinco-de-mayo-1998 lily, and i'm not cleaning that up again. so, congratulations. you win, she's happy.", "y": "i didn't get it. that first apartment. i... i waited too long and somebody else got it.."}, {"x": "no, lily you're crying over the crown moulding and the real hardwood floor. there's no deeper meaning, right lily? just quit crying and tell him.", "y": "the apartment is a metaphor for marshall!"}, {"x": "morning guys, what can i get you?", "y": "shhh! bring me the dirtiest, greasiest tuna melt you got. and a milkshake."}, {"x": "i'd take you with gravy if my boyfriend wasn't sitting right here! just kidding. i'm good.", "y": "what are you charpy about?"}, {"x": "look, if you want marshall back so bad, how come it took you two days to ask about him?", "y": "i was dying to ask. i was just trying to play it cool. but really..."}, {"x": "but it's good, i mean work's great...", "y": "say something about marshall. where is marshall? how's marshall? what's marshall doing right now? shut up and talk about marshall. shut up and talk about marshall! shut up and talk about marshall! marshall! marshall! marshall! marshall! aaah i gotta ask! and, hey, how is marshall?"}, {"x": "but i thought your summer was great?!", "y": "not exactly..."}, {"x": "so all those interesting people you met on the bus...?", "y": "yeah, um..."}, {"x": "in a heartbeat. if you called him up, yeah, he'd take you back with open arms.", "y": "wow. so, maybe i should call him?"}, {"x": "i wish your eyeballs would explode.", "y": "i hate you."}, {"x": "coffee?", "y": "hi, mr. and mrs. mosby."}, {"x": "good to see you.", "y": "i was just stopping by to pick up some of my things."}, {"x": "lily calling off the wedding and dumping me?", "y": "me begging marshall to take me back and him rejecting me?"}, {"x": "well, we were all going to go to casa a pezzi at 800. lily, would you like to join us?", "y": "um..."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "well, i-i don't want to go if it would make you uncomfortable."}, {"x": "why would it?", "y": "well, i mean, yeah, we're... we're good, but you got to admit there's that stuff between us."}, {"x": "um, not for me. now it's just like we're friends. it's like we're brother and sister.", "y": "\"brother and sister\"?! okay. fine, yeah, i'll see you at the restaurant, bro."}, {"x": "hi.", "y": "hello, marshall."}, {"x": "lily, that is a stunning dress.", "y": "oh, thanks. it's kind of revealing, but i thought, \"hey, we're all family.\" right, bro? ooh, ah..."}, {"x": "what's wrong?", "y": "oh, i, i hurt my ankle in yoga today. the instructor told me to just take deep breaths to get through the pain, just... are you all right? you're kind of sweating."}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "hey. how are you feeling? you looked kind of feverish last night."}, {"x": "oh, no, i actually feel great. it is kind of warm in here, though, isn't it?", "y": "oh, i don't know, if anything, it's kind of... what are you doing?"}, {"x": "take off your dress.", "y": "take off the rest of your pants."}, {"x": "yeah, me neither. it kind of complicates things, doesn't it?", "y": "yeah, it does. why did you have to throw your magnificent calves at me? you know you have a punter's leg."}, {"x": "well, why did you have to throw your beautiful boobs at me? you know you have... boobs.", "y": "just admit it, you came here trying to seduce me."}, {"x": "seduce you? you seduced me.", "y": "you sat down next to me and took most of your pants off."}, {"x": "you went to san francisco for three months.", "y": "how is that seducing you?"}, {"x": "well, it's not but i'm still mad about it.", "y": "all right, that's it - i want the beatles anthology."}, {"x": "oh, well, that's too bad. i'm keeping it! and you know the u2 box set i gave you? look inside - all dave matthews.", "y": "you are evil."}, {"x": "no, virginia, you're delightful, i am deligh-ted. and he's just ted. i'm really not planning these things; they just keep happening.", "y": "whoops. i think i dropped an ice cube down here. ow, it's so cold."}, {"x": "no, i'm kind of tired.", "y": "me, too."}, {"x": "i would.", "y": "thanks again for letting me have the u2 box set."}, {"x": "that wasn't one.", "y": "so you and ted had your first fight. it obviously ended well. i mean, you're here with me."}, {"x": "actually, it didn't end at all. i started getting bummed out, so i came here. it's what i do. when my grandma d*ed, i got a perm.", "y": "ooh, two tragedies in one day."}, {"x": "yeah, but... and i don't want to be rude here, but my work stories are interesting. i'm a television news reporter.", "y": "robin!"}, {"x": "what? i knew exactly what he was going to say. i was just helping him get there faster.", "y": "you should work at a su1c1de hotline."}, {"x": "so, now he's all mad at me about the stupid movie.", "y": "robin, he's upset because you wouldn't listen to him, not because you didn't like some movie."}, {"x": "i guess i don't know how to do that.", "y": "yeah, it's really hard, even when you're sober. that's what i tried to explain to the cop."}, {"x": "no, i mean, i guess i don't know how to do this girlfriend thing. i've never been in a relationship this serious before. i should probably go tell him i'm sorry, shouldn't i? you're trying to do it right now, aren't you?", "y": "what the hell comes before \"q\"?"}, {"x": "no. hey, lily. you still single?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "you know... i've poured a lot of free drinks for you over the years. a lot.", "y": "carl, do you really want to be with a woman who would trade sex for beer?"}, {"x": "only if you're into it. it's on me.", "y": "thanks."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "he asked her to a party. oh, my god, are you okay?"}, {"x": "okay? it's awesome. it's a win-win. ted got to vent and i don't have to hear it. maybe after he's done with the talkie-talk, he'll come over and i'll get the fun part.", "y": "what is wrong with you? god, i feel like i'm teaching love as a second language here. okay, you know how when he tells you boring work stories you're supposed to listen? well, when he picks up some random girl at a bar, you're supposed to freak out."}, {"x": "okay! seriously... who wants to shave my ass?!", "y": "okay, where are the guys and the hooker?"}, {"x": "on the grounds of... shut up.", "y": "see? marshall's still hung up on our breakup. why? because i listened to him. it was a strong and nurturing relationship that i threw away like old gum."}, {"x": "dancing? he went dancing with this girl? okay, maybe this is a little bad. dancing is bad. dancing leads to sex.", "y": "did you grow up in that footloose town?"}, {"x": "i'm calling him. i'm telling him that i was wrong and i'm sorry, and i totally want to listen to his stupid stories.", "y": "yeah, think of another way to phrase that and you'll be fine."}, {"x": "you're going to need to refresh my memory.", "y": "okay, fella. baby knows how this game's played. how's a $20 help your memory?"}, {"x": "thanks, but seriously, it was crazy tonight. you really do need to refresh my memory.", "y": "then can i have the...? that's cool. you keep that."}, {"x": "i'm not telling you that for less than 20 bucks.", "y": "well, i'm out of money."}, {"x": "okay, fine.", "y": "you should tell her that looks really good with a chocolate boot."}, {"x": "the building with the green light, apartment 3-c.", "y": "oh, my god, robin, are you going to kick this girl's ass?"}, {"x": "i can't believe he's cheating on me. you know how many times i could have cheated? six... no seven. and you know two of them, and they would surprise you.", "y": "3-c, let's do this. you ready?"}, {"x": "should i just kick the door in?", "y": "those are really nice heels and you already lost the purse. let's see if it's unlocked. it's unlocked. okay, get in there and kick some spankable ass. robin?"}, {"x": "i'm the problem.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "you were right. i don't know how to be a girlfriend. i took the nicest guy in the world and i made him a cheater.", "y": "well, don't stand out here and b*at yourself up. get in there and b*at ted up. i'll handle the slutty kickboxer. actually, i'll take ted."}, {"x": "let's do this.", "y": "bring it."}, {"x": "aaaaaaah!", "y": "aaaaaaaaaaaaah!"}, {"x": "oh, wow, lily, this is... oh, this is all of it.", "y": "yeah,i know it's small, but it's got character. thank you. and i am learning lithuanian from my neighbors. they're great. they're always out there in the hall, you know, cooking and gambling and giving each other haircuts. it's nice."}, {"x": "or a stove in your bathroom?", "y": "oh, that's not just a stove. that's a stovenkerator a combination of a stove, oven and sink and refrigerator. stovenkerator. isn't that futuristic?"}, {"x": "god,i hope not. hey, cool murphy bed.", "y": "it's kind of a mess. i didn't make my bed this morning, so..."}, {"x": "hold on, i got it.", "y": "that was \"something, something, i am going to something you like a something donkey."}, {"x": "uh. other cultures!", "y": "hey, let's break out the fruit basket. hey, who ate all the...? aaaaaah!"}, {"x": "okay,i'll take the over on the pittsburgh game. oh and p. to the s., i never got my payout from seattle from two weeks ago. yeah. don't make me call the gaming commission on you. i'm sure they'd be very interested to know what's going on over there. all right? all right? okay, i love you too mom. take care. hello lily. you've somehow managed to circumvent my security. how did you do it?", "y": "ted gave me your spare key."}, {"x": "spare key! brilliant!", "y": "i'm sorry,but you know i'd only come here if i had no other choice. but earlier today, i was getting ready to go to sleep and..."}, {"x": "that's terrible. well, see ya.", "y": "wait, can i stay here maybe?"}, {"x": "i'd let you, but i don't have any room.", "y": "you live in a two-bedroom apartment. you have one room just for your suits."}, {"x": "hey i'm at a point in my life where my suits are my family. look around you lily. you are in the heart of bachelor country, and as a woman, you are an illegal immigrant here. now,you can try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts 12 hours. 14 if you qualify for multiple entry.", "y": "ewww!...is something some lame, judgmental chick would say, but i say give me multiple high fives."}, {"x": "wow, you really are desperate.", "y": "i really am."}, {"x": "oh okay, you can stay here for two days. but i only have one rule. you can't change anything.", "y": "why would i change anything? this place is... perfect. except for the fact that you don't have a tv."}, {"x": "see that wall? 300-inch flat-screen. they only sell them in japan, but i know a guy. had to ship it over in a tugboat like freakin' king kong.", "y": "it hurts my eyes."}, {"x": "uhm, smells delicious.", "y": "thank you. there was no food in the fridge, so i picked up... what are you doing?"}, {"x": "lily, what was the first rule again?", "y": "\"don't change anything\"?"}, {"x": "and what was the second rule?", "y": "there was no second rule."}, {"x": "exactly! there was only one rule and you broke it.", "y": "i bought groceries. that counts as changing something?"}, {"x": "lily, if i wanted a fridge full of groceries or fresh coffee in the morning, i'd be in a relationship. but i don't want to be in a relationship. that's why i make it crystal-clear to every girl that walks through that door that this is not a place to leave a toothbrush. this is not a place to leave a contact lens case. this is a place to leave. come on, 'll give you a tour. uh, no flash photography please. bienvenido to the bedroom. dig this king-sized bed, full-sized blanket, one pillow. everything about this bed says \"our work here is done.\" next we say bienvenue to the bathroom. what, only one towel? what, no hairdryer? you know where i keep that stuff? your place. b*at it. and the coup de gr\u00e2ce... yeah, that's right. patent-pending. and wilkommen to the hallway. while guys like ted and marshall may hide their p*rn...", "y": "marshall doesn't have p*rn."}, {"x": "aww, that's sweet. while guys like ted and marshall may hide their p*rn, i had mine professionally lit. girls see this, they can't get out of here fast enough.", "y": "and if that doesn't drive them away, there's always your life-sized storm-trooper."}, {"x": "whoa, uh, okay. beep beep. backing up, um...", "y": "barney... oh!"}, {"x": "come on, baby. please, no. you don't understand. what have i done? this is the worst. how could you...? you're not going anywhere. live claritin clear. wow, that was close. that hippie chick wouldn't leave. she was ready to squat here.", "y": "well, she'd have to with your spring-loaded toilet seat, wouldn't she?"}, {"x": "she was freakishly immune to everything in my apartment... except you. you're better than p*rn.", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "how would you like to extend your stay here? all you'd have to do is pretend to be my wife, and scare off the occasional one-night stand. i know,i know. you've got your ethics. you've got your principles...", "y": "i'll do it."}, {"x": "really?", "y": "barney,you've clearly got some serious mother issues that have left you the emotional equivalent of a scavenging sewer rat. but, in my other apartment, i would be living with an actual scavenging sewer rat, so you win."}, {"x": "i just did.", "y": "honey, i'm... barney, what the hell is going on here?"}, {"x": "lily, i can explain...", "y": "how could you? in our own home? you bastard!"}, {"x": "i'm so sorry. i-i didn't know he had...", "y": "just get out. this is what i get after i worked as a stripper for four years to put you through medical school? i got breast implants for you. i... i was just about to turn on the tears."}, {"x": "brava. that was incredible. and that slap was genius. you did not hold back.", "y": "yeah, that i just always wanted to do."}, {"x": "fair enough. i have to say, it's kind of nice having food around here for a change.", "y": "you know... oh nah, never mind."}, {"x": "what? you're my wife. you can tell me anything.", "y": "well,if you really wanted to sell this ruse, we should try to make this place a little more... you know, homey. like... like a woman would actually live here."}, {"x": "here she comes. here she comes.", "y": "welcome to big wave luau. can i tiki your drink order? aw, crap."}, {"x": "oh, hi, lily. we were just in the neighborhood, thought we'd get some lunch. we didn't even know you'd be here..", "y": "what do you want?"}, {"x": "i don't think that's how you're supposed to greet a customer at big wave luau.", "y": "aloha, island visitors. the big wave brought you to our humble luau. for that, we thank you. or in my native tongue, mahalo."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "my name is anuhea. it means cool and fragrant,much like any of our 12 specialty drinks."}, {"x": "no. lily is my friend and i'm not going to make fun of her for trying to follow her dreams.", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "tomorrow, the cougar hunt begins.", "y": "so, i quit my job. i just couldn't take it anymore. approximately 50 times a day, some guy asks me for a lei..."}, {"x": "so, lily, what do you say? do you want the job?", "y": "what would i be doing?"}, {"x": "you'll sit there. my station is right over here. and things are a little bit crazy right now 'cause we're pitching a new building to a big client.", "y": "oh, right, is that the...?"}, {"x": "yeah. here's the model.", "y": "you weren't kidding. it really does look like a giant penis."}, {"x": "i know. for whatever reason, mr. druthers just doesn't see it.", "y": "how can he not see it? i mean there's the..."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "and the way it..."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "and the two little..."}, {"x": "i know.", "y": "it is just..."}, {"x": "ah.", "y": "nice to meet you."}, {"x": "that's the spirit. now, gather 'round. this isn't just about trees, ted. this is about life. and sometimes in life, you have to get the trees just right or you're fired, hmm?", "y": "man, that guy is a total, well..."}, {"x": "turn around. my place. two hours. don't be tardy.", "y": "i can't believe how mr. druthers treats people. and that building? talk about overcompensating."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "what design?"}, {"x": "it's fantastic. just for fun, ted's been working on his own design. and it doesn't look at all like male genitalia. at least, not healthy male genitalia.", "y": "ted, you should pitch your building to druthers."}, {"x": "you didn't budget your time well, you glossed over some of the most important points, and your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive.", "y": "mr. druthers asked if you were making the trees or waiting for them to sprout on their own. then he stared at me until i laughed."}, {"x": "okay, i'm done.", "y": "great. i'll put the paints away. you just go show him."}, {"x": "inspiring as always, sir. lily? where's she put those paints?", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "hey. um, lily, question for you. why did i find mr. druthers' baseball signed three times by pete rose in your desk drawer?", "y": "that's easy. i took it."}, {"x": "why?", "y": "it's simple."}, {"x": "what? you gonna cry? huh? little crybaby's going to cry? hey, everybody, look! the little crybaby's gonna cry! i lost my ice cream!", "y": "okay, i may have exaggerated that last one, but the point is, he was mean. and that's why i took away his ball."}, {"x": "what does his ball have to do with anything?", "y": "druthers has to be taught he can't behave like that. when i was teaching kindergarten,whenever a kid was mean, i would take away one of his toys. the kid would be upset at first,but then he'd learn to stop being mean."}, {"x": "yeah. it's her own personal form of justice. did you tell him about that time at the gap?", "y": "oh, that was a good one. this sales guy was rude to robin, so i took a pair of khakis."}, {"x": "so i've been walking around in stolen khakis?", "y": "i prefer to call them \"justice khakis.\""}, {"x": "that's not justice. it's shoplifting,and it's a crime.", "y": "so is being mean."}, {"x": "lily, your little system doesn't even make sense. in kindergarten, the kid knew why he was being punished. druthers just thinks someone stole his ball.", "y": "well, that's why i left a note."}, {"x": "a note?", "y": "yeah. when he finds it, he'll understand why his ball was taken away, he'll stop being mean, and the office will be a nicer place to work. maybe he'll even be open to hearing your ideas."}, {"x": "look, lil, we're all tolerating this prolonged nervous breakdown you're clearly having, with the punk band and the beekeeping and the petty larceny, but this is my career you're messing with.", "y": "i'm not sure i like your tone. you know what? now you just lost the ball."}, {"x": "when druthers goes to get his bagel, i'll go in, grab the note, put the ball back. if something goes wrong, yell out, \"who wants espresso?\" so i'll know he's coming. got it? okay, now give me the ball.", "y": "no."}, {"x": "what do you mean, no?", "y": "i mean i stand by what i did, ted."}, {"x": "everybody get in here now!", "y": "\"who wants espresso?\""}, {"x": "now, as most of you know, my pete rose, pete rose, pete rose baseball has been stolen. well, i just found this note.", "y": "interesting."}, {"x": "instead, i'm giving my baseball until the end of the day to decide he's homesick, or, tomorrow morning, i'll begin f*ring three people an hour. and, if the thief doesn't believe me, well, then you are gambling more than pete rose - major league baseball's all-time hit leader, a man whose absence from the hall of fame is a travesty to the entire sports world - ever \"allegedly\" did!", "y": "wow. looks like bye-bye, ipod."}, {"x": "give him his ball back right now. people are going to get fired.", "y": "no, they're not. it's just a tantrum, ted. i saw this in kindergarten all the time."}, {"x": "this isn't kindergarten. mr druthers is an adult, and he wants his ball back.", "y": "all right, i'll give it back if you show him your plans."}, {"x": "no. you'll give it back or you're fired.", "y": "i'm sorry, ted. i just can't do that."}, {"x": "then you're fired.", "y": "fine. here's the ball. at least you have one now."}, {"x": "probably!", "y": "congrats, ted."}, {"x": "hey, thanks for telling me to stand up to druthers and pitch my idea. seriously, none of this would have happened if it weren't for you.", "y": "oh. you know what, ted? that was very nice. you have earned these screws back. don't sit in your desk chair until you've put them back in."}, {"x": "hey, i'm project manager now, so, if you want your old job back...", "y": "no, thanks. i think i figured out what i want to be when i grow up."}, {"x": "hey!", "y": "hey, guys. are you free tomorrow night? i was thinking of having a wine tasting slash \"help me catch the rat in my apartment\" party."}, {"x": "that's a great idea. you can put out cheese for both.", "y": "i should invite marshall, right? it'd be weird if i didn't."}, {"x": "yeah, i don't think he can go.", "y": "really? why not?"}, {"x": "uh, okay, um... lily, we have to tell you something. marshall has a date.", "y": "oh. well... good for him."}, {"x": "really? you're okay with it?", "y": "look, we've been broken up almost six months. i mean, i'm not thrilled about the idea, but he has every right to date someone else."}, {"x": "that's very mature.", "y": "why are you holding the phone?"}, {"x": "i like your eyes a lot, too.", "y": "stooooop!"}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "nice.", "y": "why didn't you call me?"}, {"x": "was i supposed to call you?", "y": "yes, about the whole marshall-dating-another-girl thing."}, {"x": "you said you were fine with it.", "y": "yeah, in front of ted, but then i sh*t you a look."}, {"x": "what look?", "y": "this."}, {"x": "that doesn't seem like a look.", "y": "yes it is. it means,  \"i'm upset call me later.\""}, {"x": "you should have pulled me aside and told me what the look meant.", "y": "if i pulled you aside, i wouldn't need the look."}, {"x": "well, maybe if it was a more distinctive look...", "y": "okay, the look isn't important. what's important is that i can't stand the idea of marshall dating another woman. i mean, what if he falls in love with her?"}, {"x": "well, if it makes you feel any better, ted says she has the crazy eyes.", "y": "what's that?"}, {"x": "apparently, a thing women have that guys can see and it tells them that the girl's crazy.", "y": "oh, kind of like how you never want to date a guy with perfect fingernails?"}, {"x": "jerk nails. exactly.", "y": "well, did ted say whether she was good-looking? i mean, 'cause if i knew she was ugly, then maybe i wouldn't be so freaked out."}, {"x": "hey, ted. no, he's not here. good one, though, remember that one.", "y": "is, um, chloe here?"}, {"x": "she just left. you can probably still catch her. she's easy to spot, she's got a pink umbrella.", "y": "oh, thanks, brian."}, {"x": "my name is scott.", "y": "your tag says brian."}, {"x": "i know. funny story. so, i wake up this morning, and...", "y": "yeah, see you later, brian. there she is. she doesn't look that great. she's not fat, but that doesn't mean anything. i know tons of skinny, ugly women. that's right, snotty girl in my yoga class, i'm talking to you. come on, chloe, turn around. here we go. turn around, chloe. come on, show me that hideous face. damn it! ooh, i know, i'll get ahead of her, then i'll cut back so i... aah! oh, my god, that hurts! turn around! come on! just turn around! okay, this is ridiculous. hey! turn around! what's the matter with you? hey, you! turn around! turn around, chloe!"}, {"x": "she's hot? i'm so sorry.", "y": "no, it's fine. it just makes things easier. now that i know she's a thr*at, all i have to do is keep marshall from ever seeing her again. okay, i have two plans, you can help me choose. plan a) remember that time marshall and i had sex in the bathroom? oops, i got knocked up."}, {"x": "lily.", "y": "okay, plan b) is called \"chloe's accident.\""}, {"x": "just stop.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "lily, you can't do any of those things. if you two are ever gonna get back together, you have to let him work out whatever this is.", "y": "i know. you're right."}, {"x": "now, come on, ted asked us to be upstairs at 600. some surprise for barney.", "y": "barney?"}, {"x": "hey, guys.", "y": "hey. where's marshall?"}, {"x": "oh, he's getting a haircut.", "y": "oh. for his date. good for him. hope he has a good time tonight."}, {"x": "relax, you've got nothing to worry about. the girl's crazy.", "y": "thanks!"}, {"x": "he'll just have wild monkey sex with her five times, max, and be done with her.", "y": "thanks again."}, {"x": "i signed him up for people in espanol, but i addressed it to swarlos.", "y": "hey, where's the picture of marshall and me at the pier? didn't it used to be by that window?"}, {"x": "oh, yeah, he, uh, he sort of took it down when you left. put it behind some books, i think.", "y": "oh, well-well, maybe i should put it back up."}, {"x": "why, so chloe'll see it and get scared off?", "y": "no. so marshall'll see it and feel guilty. yeah, okay."}, {"x": "i like your eyes a lot, too.", "y": "stooooop! hi. i'm lily."}, {"x": "lily... lily, what the hell are you doing?", "y": "i don't know. i... i don't know... what i'm doing. oh, pumpkin beer, that was a good one. i'm just... i'm gonna go. i... i'm so sorry. enjoy the rest of your date."}, {"x": "lily, what the hell...", "y": "i'm sorry. i only snuck up there because... when i saw how cute she was yesterday, i freaked out."}, {"x": "lily, you saw her yesterday?", "y": "yeah, i... kind of chased her down the street."}, {"x": "wait, so you were the hunchback with the limp?", "y": "yeah. and she didn't break the picture, i did."}, {"x": "so chloe's not crazy, she's... just a nice, normal girl.", "y": "yeah, she is. and you deserve a nice, normal girl. so, why don't you just go back up there and finish your date."}, {"x": "yeah. okay. wait, if you were the hunchback, then why did she think you were a guy?", "y": "i-i might have used a voice that sounded like this."}, {"x": "why?", "y": "because i didn't want her to know it was me, which i now realize doesn't make sense, because she hadn't even met me."}, {"x": "you're crazy. you have... crazier eyes than anybody that i have ever met.", "y": "shouldn't you be going back up..."}, {"x": "i mean, you're out of your mind. you're... just absolutely insane.", "y": "shouldn't you be going back upstairs?"}, {"x": "yes! thank you. uhm, i learned how to cook while you were gone this summer.", "y": "oh. do you want to cook dinner tonight?"}, {"x": "yeah, sure. how about pancakes?", "y": "you may not have much range, but at least i'm marrying a guy who knows how to make pancakes."}, {"x": "oh, uhm...", "y": "i mean, uhm... well, i... i realize that we haven't really discussed whether us getting back together means us getting married, but... i still wanna. do you still wanna?"}, {"x": "really?", "y": "of course, i love you."}, {"x": "no, i mean, that's how you're gonna do it? \"do you still wanna?\" that's like the lamest proposal ever. when i did it, i got down on my knees... i don't know, i'm just saying.", "y": "marshall eriksen, will you ma..."}, {"x": "no, no, no, no, no, no.", "y": "what?!"}, {"x": "you can't lead with that. you got to... build up to that. you got to have, like, a little speech.", "y": "do you remember your proposal to me?"}, {"x": "i had a speech prepared.", "y": "what do you want to hear?"}, {"x": "i don't know. i mean, you could tell me, like, about how good-looking and funny and smart i am and i've been working out lately. it might be nice for you to mention something about that.", "y": "marshall... you are good-looking..."}, {"x": "thank you.", "y": "funny..."}, {"x": "oh, thanks.", "y": "smart..."}, {"x": "and a few tears wouldn't hurt.", "y": "okay, would you freakin' marry me already?"}, {"x": "i'll marry you. of course. but, uhm, until you see a ring on this finger, don't expect me to put out.", "y": "yeah, right."}, {"x": "i'll give you this. that was a very creative use of syrup.", "y": "i can't even look mrs. butterworth in the eye. oh, my god. we're getting married!"}, {"x": "i know, i know.", "y": "man, i made a big mess by canceling this wedding, didn't i?"}, {"x": "it's okay, baby. you're not just realizing that now, are you?", "y": "god, the idea of standing up there in front of all those people who hate my guts... just makes me want to run off to atlantic city and get married today."}, {"x": "it's okay. they're my friends.", "y": "we're going to atlantic city to elope. you got to come with us."}, {"x": "you guys are eloping! oh, that's fantastic. wait, is this because there's a time crunch uncle ted should know about?", "y": "i hope not because i plan on getting hammered."}, {"x": "guys, this sounds like so much fun, but i can't really take off work. i'm kind of important around here, you know? i'm the project manager.", "y": "ted, for the rest of our lives, we are going to be telling the amazing story of how we went to atlantic city and got married. don't you want to be in that story?"}, {"x": "uh, if there were any shame in a dude getting a pedicure i don't think there would have been a feature about it in details magazine.", "y": "we're going to atlantic city to elope right now!"}, {"x": "no, we got to get going to the...", "y": "well, actually, i mean... it is my wedding day, and since we're here..."}, {"x": "ah, good to see you, too. three times, maybe.", "y": "the wedding chapel... this is it. are you ready to do this?"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "oh, crap. i don't have a veil. i'm a bride, i can't get married without a veil. and a bouquet. i need a veil and a bouquet. oh, my god, we're getting married."}, {"x": "don't worry. relax. we'll get you a veil, honey.", "y": "oh, robin, that's a really cute outfit."}, {"x": "oh, really? thanks.", "y": "yeah, it has to go. i'm the bride, you can't look better than me."}, {"x": "done.", "y": "i'm going to get the bouquet. you guys get the veil. we'll meet in the chapel in 20 minutes. ready? break."}, {"x": "18 minutes...", "y": "oh, good. did you get the veil?"}, {"x": "we weren't there for very long. it's not like i had time to have a lap dance or anything. i got a lap dance.", "y": "your last lap dance ever."}, {"x": "that's weird, right? marshall and lily are getting married!", "y": "hell, yeah, look at this."}, {"x": "oh, baby, this is it. let's do this thing.", "y": "hi. we're here to get married."}, {"x": "it also takes three days to get a marriage license in new jersey. the earliest i could book you for is monday.", "y": "no, no, no, it has to be today. that's the whole point."}, {"x": "yes, they do, but they don't elope. they choose atlantic city for its white sand beaches, world-class amenities, and exotic riviera feel.", "y": "have you been outside?"}, {"x": "twenty-seven.", "y": "is there any way that we could get a license today?"}, {"x": "you could go to the courthouse. in some extreme circumstances, the waiting period can be waived, but you have to have a good reason.", "y": "well, we're in love."}, {"x": "aw. i'm gonna waive this waiting period right now.", "y": "oh, really?!"}, {"x": "is what i would say if i could waive the waiting period, but unfortunately, only a judge can do that.", "y": "oh. well, so can we see a judge?"}, {"x": "absolutely.", "y": "really?!"}, {"x": "you know what? we get it.", "y": "okay, this is a good plan b. judges are people. people go to the bathroom. a judge is bound to come by eventually, and we'll get married. i'm sure we won't be waiting long."}, {"x": "guys, let's bail. this is never gonna happen.", "y": "look, i know this is turning into a bit of a disaster, but believe me, it's better than the alternative."}, {"x": "you throwing a big, free party with lots of booze and food and all your single, desperate girlfriends from college? yeah, glad we dodged that b*llet.", "y": "judge! judge, come on. come on, come on, come on!"}, {"x": "turn it off.", "y": "okay. may we please get married today?"}, {"x": "now, normally i would say no to a request like that, but you two impress me. just the fact that you've been together for ten years, standing by each other's side through thick and thin, never wavering. what was that?", "y": "what was what?"}, {"x": "you know, what's thick? what's thin?", "y": "yeah, i mean, all... yeah."}, {"x": "guys. it's looking like this isn't gonna happen.", "y": "no, marshall, we are gonna get married today."}, {"x": "baby, anyplace we go, we're gonna need a marriage license.", "y": "except international waters. so let's find a ship captain. a ship captain can marry us. there's boats all over this place."}, {"x": "oh, is that what those wooden things are floating between the garbage?", "y": "this is a great idea. this is gonna work. let's go. excuse me. are you a ship captain?"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "well, i found a guy who said he'd be willing to put his boat in my slip, so we're getting closer."}, {"x": "okay, lil, why is it so important to do this today?", "y": "because... if we don't do it today, i just know we're gonna wind up having a huge wedding with a huge crowd full of huge midwestern people looking all disapproving and judging me while sipping little cups of mayonnaise and cracking runaway bride jokes all night long."}, {"x": "nobody's gonna do that.", "y": "no, they're not because i'm not gonna give them the chance. i'm gonna find a ship captain and we're gonna be married tonight."}, {"x": "hey, lily. found a ship captain.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "yeah. first guy we talked to. ship captain. how great is that?", "y": "see? see, this is destiny. so, captain, can you take us out to international waters and marry us?"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "deal. $5,000, okay, we can do that. come on, everybody. fork over your cash. don't think. just do it."}, {"x": "uh, it's not gambling if you absolutely know you're going to win. i'll get us that money. i swear it, nay... i oath it.", "y": "do you understand what's happening?"}, {"x": "marshall, please. don't you think i know what i'm... my god, you're right.", "y": "wow. it's beautiful."}, {"x": "why can't i do it just a little?", "y": "okay. let's get this started."}, {"x": "i just don't feel like going to a mall.", "y": "we can split a cinnabun."}, {"x": "i used to be a dude.", "y": "yeah, i agree with ted. in a real relationship, you share everything. that's why marshall and i don't keep any secrets."}, {"x": "i can think of tons of things there's no way marshall told you", "y": "try me."}, {"x": "do you know about the time the marshall was in trenton?", "y": "doggie ate his pants. yep."}, {"x": "bill's bachelor party in memphis.", "y": "oh, when they had to pump out all the nickels from his stomach?"}, {"x": "ok, seattle.", "y": "trick question, marshall's never been to the pacific northwest because he's afraid of sasquatch."}, {"x": "so, after the shower, i was brushing my teeth, and i was like, oh man, i wanted to have some orange juice, i should have done that first, but i already had the toothpaste on the toothbrush so i just went ahead and brushed them anyway.", "y": "what happened next?"}, {"x": "yeah, we didn't really have to wait for that. and it's ridiculous.", "y": "i don't know, he could be right. she does have the fake orgasm noises down."}, {"x": "hey.", "y": "what? the walls are thin."}, {"x": "well, maybe she got married at the mall. back home in minnesota a ton of people would get married at the mall of america, it's great. it's a gorgeous indoor golf course for pictures. numerous fine dining options, and talk about a reasonable price...", "y": "we're not getting married at the mall."}, {"x": "because she already got married, at the mall.", "y": "no, because before robin moved to new york, she...what was she doing?"}, {"x": "she's a pretty private person.", "y": "except when she's talking about..."}, {"x": "a friend of mine in canada got married way too young and it really turned her off to marriage.", "y": "what do you think of this wedding cake?"}, {"x": "oh, i like it. hey, you remember that friend of mine in canada who got married too young? her wedding cake was a mrs. field's giant cookie.", "y": "no."}, {"x": "well.", "y": "no."}, {"x": "oh, slap bet. we used to do those when i was a kid.", "y": "what the hell's a slap bet?"}, {"x": "whoever's right gets to slap the other person in the face as hard as they possibly can, but no rings.", "y": "are you really gonna do that? that's so immature. marshall you can be slap bet commissioner."}, {"x": "all right, what if i ask robin point-blank if she has a husband?", "y": "you said you would respect her privacy so maybe you should just drop it."}, {"x": "well, what did you expect? you've seen my penis.", "y": "i can't believe you told us robin's secret."}, {"x": "how can i keep something like that to myself? and you begged me to tell you.", "y": "no i didn't."}, {"x": "ha ha ha.", "y": "yeah, well, you still shouldn't have told us. i mean, what kind of boyfriend are you?"}, {"x": "what am i gonna do? my girlfriend's married. do i ask her to get a divorce?", "y": "ted, even if she is married, it's a canadian marriage. it's like their money or their army. nobody takes it seriously."}, {"x": "just because you were right doesn't mean i'm wrong.", "y": "oh, right, like you need an excuse to watch p*rn."}, {"x": "don't count on it. i've been practicing on a tree trunk.", "y": "barney gets three slaps."}, {"x": "three?", "y": "one because you lied. and two for being prematurely slapped. three slaps."}, {"x": "- yeah. he's the awesome-est, most best looking-est, greatest guy ever.", "y": "he's exactly like barney."}, {"x": "yeah, so now the wedding's back on.", "y": "anyway, james, how have you been?"}, {"x": "ah, public figure, confidentiality agreement. but i will say this way more back hair than any guy who can afford laser hair removal should have.", "y": "and then there was the time they scored the brother/sister combo."}, {"x": "- no.", "y": "- jammies."}, {"x": "i wish i would've worn sneakers. i just got finished running from some fat, hairy guy who was periscoping out of his pleather pants. permission to come aboard denied.", "y": "i miss my jammies. i can't believe i wore a bra for this."}, {"x": "bras suck. they're so confining and unnatural.", "y": "yeah, they're like a boobie zoo."}, {"x": "well, why don't you take it off then and let those puppies breathe?", "y": "oh, please go sweat on someone else."}, {"x": "poor guy.", "y": "poor guy? poor my boobs."}, {"x": "well, it takes a lot of guts to approach a girl and you just crushed him.", "y": "oh, yeah, yeah. he looks all broken up inside."}, {"x": "oh, no thanks. i've had enough. he's too in shape, we'd spend all night talking about his body fat content. now, if you'll excuse me, i'm gonna go have a yummy, pink drink with fruit in it... because i can.", "y": "you know, that was, like, the third hot guy that james blew off tonight."}, {"x": "oh, my god! he is in a couple.", "y": "this is gonna k*ll barney."}, {"x": "oh, it's a freaking epidemic.", "y": "oh, sweetie! did you make that for me?"}, {"x": "okay, then like how... like getting your chest waxed.", "y": "you get your chest waxed?"}, {"x": "no, no, this isn't my drink. this is hers.", "y": "no, it isn't."}, {"x": "i love this place! let's dance!", "y": "- and not be groped!"}, {"x": "and it's never the hot ones. it's always the losers. bums me out!", "y": "looks like the boys learned their lesson. do you totally miss being hit on?"}, {"x": "thanks. i decided to leave out the hetero college phase. no one wants to", "y": "it was perfect. you even made tom's dad cry. might have been doing that because he's a republican."}, {"x": "all right, well, it's getting late. got to get the wife home.", "y": "oh, stop calling me that. it makes me sound fat."}, {"x": "no, no. christmas eve winter wonderland is my reward for finishing my paper. baby, do i smell your sinfully cinnamon cookies?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "damn me and my heightened other senses. must be strong. okay, i'll be back here at 500. save me at least 20 cookies and do not clean the bowl. was that a reindeer? i don't want to know!", "y": "hey, look. our old answering machine."}, {"x": "oh, yeah. after you left, we, uh, we unplugged it because it reminded marshall of how you used to, you know, leave messages. but hey, you guys are back together. i say we're plugging it back in. it's good to have you back.", "y": "thanks. oh, hey, look, there's still some messages on here."}, {"x": "oh, fudge.", "y": "i'm... a what?"}, {"x": "i-- that was barney, that was barney.", "y": "that was you, ted."}, {"x": "that was marshall.", "y": "marshall left a message for marshall?"}, {"x": "you know, it may have been me, but it was so long ago. man, that machine, it really garbles your voice.you know, it almost made it sound like i said...", "y": "why would you call me that?"}, {"x": "i was trying to help him. i'm his best friend. that's the best friend's job.", "y": "the best friend's job is to call me that word?"}, {"x": "i'm sorry, but i am not apologizing. i was just trying to put the guy back together. you smashed him to pieces.", "y": "are you seriously not going to apologize for leaving that message?"}, {"x": "no!", "y": "why not?"}, {"x": "because, lily, this summer, you were kind of a grinch.", "y": "oh, you'll be sorry, ted mosby."}, {"x": "lily!", "y": "merry christmas, assface."}, {"x": "um, lily? where are the christmas decorations?", "y": "at my apartment."}, {"x": "you want to bring them back so we can celebrate christmas together-- please?", "y": "ted, do you know what i would do if one of my kindergartners used that kind of language? i would be on the phone with their parents."}, {"x": "yeah, i'm not a kindergartner.", "y": "exactly. you know what that word means. you know that calling people names is mean and hurtful... assface."}, {"x": "lily...", "y": "don't forget to take the cookies out of the oven... assface!"}, {"x": "i hate you!", "y": "who is this?"}, {"x": "pizza delivery.", "y": "hey, you tricked me."}, {"x": "you really thought i was the pizza delivery guy?", "y": "no, i knew it was you. i just thought you'd at least bring a pizza."}, {"x": "yeah, well, i brought a beer, but i gave it to a homeless guy. all right, he took it from me. now, will you please come home?", "y": "no, i'm not spending christmas with you."}, {"x": "okay, i'm sorry for calling you a... that word, over the summer, and for saying it again today. and for thinking it a lot on the subway ride over. i had no right to say that. it was hurtful and immature and i'm sorry.", "y": "oh, shut up. you think i don't know your fake apologies by now, ted mosby? huh? you're clearly still mad at me."}, {"x": "i'm not mad at you.", "y": "yes, you are."}, {"x": "i am not mad at you, lily. now, can we please just...", "y": "i've apologized to marshall and he's forgiven me and we've moved passed it. why can't you?"}, {"x": "because you never apologized to me. marshall's not the only one you walked out on. you leave for three months, you don't even call. come on, lily, we're supposed to be friends!", "y": "yeah, some friend, you called me a grinch."}, {"x": "you were a grinch!", "y": "how can you..."}, {"x": "grinchy, grinch, grinch, grinch, grinch, grinch, grinch.", "y": "happy? now, you've pissed off the big guy upstairs."}, {"x": "you use that language again and i'll turn off your water!", "y": "that's my super. he lives above me. great. thanks to your filthy mouth, now i'm going to have christmas alone in the dark."}, {"x": "holy crap, the magical christmas season is upon us. and thank god we don't pay for utilities.", "y": "merry christmas! what's in the box?"}, {"x": "only the best present for the best girl ever. it took me all day to track it down.", "y": "i thought you were writing a paper."}, {"x": "we delivered every single package on that truck. but i still have one package left to give. yeah, i did. merry christmas. open it, baby.", "y": "okay. oh, my god. an easy bake oven! i've wanted one of these ever since i was a little girl. in this exact model. i never told you that. how did you know?"}, {"x": "oh, man, i know something you could get her that would blow her mind. ready? eight years ago...", "y": "when i was a kid, all i wanted was an easy bake oven. i begged and i begged, but all i got was a stupid lego set because my feminist mom didn't want me conforming to traditional gender roles."}, {"x": "i couldn't find the outside.", "y": "i can't believe ted remembered after all these years."}, {"x": "yeah, and after all that weed. where is he anyway?", "y": "staten island."}, {"x": "uh, it's... it's just, um, carolers. marshall starts singing. robin and barney follow.", "y": "i came here to apologize. i'm so sorry, ted."}, {"x": "i accept. give me the beer. it is so good to see you guys.", "y": "are you coming home?"}, {"x": "totally. but first, lily, i owe you an apology.", "y": "oh, for the love of god, are you as sick of apologies as i am?"}, {"x": "yes", "y": "can we just skip the apology and go straight to the forgiving?"}, {"x": "yes. and i promise, i will never ever call you a... you know, again.", "y": "that's okay. i was kind of a grinch."}, {"x": "falafel.", "y": "falafel?"}, {"x": "falafel.", "y": "instead of telling ted you love him, you said \"falafel\"?"}, {"x": "i totally choked.", "y": "i just don't get it. why can't you tell ted you love him?"}, {"x": "oh, come on, this is a big deal for me.", "y": "oh, god, you'd think you never said it to a guy before. no."}, {"x": "okay, well, i don't usually getthis far in the relationship. i usually take the three-week exit.", "y": "don't tell me you're actually buying into barney's freeway theory."}, {"x": "so i've never been on the freeway this long before. i mean, usually by now i find out the guy has some weird personality thing that makes me want to take the next exit.", "y": "yeah, been there. i once dated a guy who could only go to the bathroom when classical music was playing. okay, it was marshall."}, {"x": "it's just things are going so well with ted i just don't want to complicate it.", "y": "relax, it'll happen when it happens. which is also the advice i gave marshall to get him over the classical music thing."}, {"x": "oh, here comes katie.", "y": "aw, your sister's so cute."}, {"x": "yeah. this reminds me of when i used to see her coming up the driveway from school, with her little pigtails and her hello kitty backpack.", "y": "hello, kitty."}, {"x": "please? i'm her older sister. i'm supposed to teach her how to make good and responsible decisions.", "y": "it's 200 and you've already had three scotch and sodas."}, {"x": "oh, here we go.", "y": "marshall and i have never been to the empire state building either. but i'm so glad i waited to do something so important with my fiancee."}, {"x": "you smoke now, too?", "y": "oh, remember cloves?"}, {"x": "dude, me, too.", "y": "barney, you okay?"}, {"x": "i simply say, baby... oh, baby. my sweet baby", "y": "that's dirty dancing."}, {"x": "no, it was two nights ago. \"she's like the wind\" has been stuck in my brain for about 40 hours. i just got it out. now it's back in. damn you, swayze!", "y": "do you remember our first time?"}, {"x": "yeah. it was back in college.", "y": "oh, wait, wait. look... i really want to do this, but... we should make it special, you know? do this right."}, {"x": "okay. you're right. maybe we could go to the beach and get a house for the weekend.", "y": "yeah, new year's eve."}, {"x": "okay.", "y": "oh, and we'll light candles and maybe put on some classical music."}, {"x": "that's not a good idea.", "y": "why not?"}, {"x": "long story. but maybe we could put on some al green and take a bubble bath together.", "y": "oh, yeah, that sounds so good. oh, i love you, marshall. i'm so glad we're waiting. oops. end of flashback."}, {"x": "that was amazing.", "y": "yeah. want to do it again?"}, {"x": "you know what, i loaned you my walkman.", "y": "the point is no matter what, it's never gonna be as perfect as you want it to be."}, {"x": "well, mine was terrible.", "y": "wait, i've never heard your story."}, {"x": "yeah, i'm gay. end of flashback.", "y": "i'm so sorry."}, {"x": "you only get one sh*t at losing your virginity. and even though i just barely had sex, it counts.", "y": "what do you mean just barely?"}, {"x": "well, he didn't dive all the way into the pool, but he... splashed around in the shallow end.", "y": "then you didn't lose your virginity to him. just barely doesn't count."}, {"x": "yes, it does.", "y": "no, it doesn't."}, {"x": "yes, it does.", "y": "no, it doesn't. it doesn't count. end of story."}, {"x": "who's scooter?", "y": "my high school boyfriend, who i did not have sex with."}, {"x": "thank you, man. i was going up there to jump.", "y": "marshall, why is this such a big deal?"}, {"x": "why is this such a big deal? oh, uh, sorry, christopher columbus, guess who actually discovered the new world. some dude named scooter. oh, uh, neil armstrong, it actually goes like this \"one small step for man, one giant leap for scooter.\" whoa, hey, adam, guess who got with eve before you did...", "y": "okay, marshall, i get it."}, {"x": "it's a big deal because it rewrites our history.", "y": "no, it doesn't. look, have you been to the empire state building? no. you've only been in the lobby. people don't buy tickets to get in the lobby. they buy tickets to get to the top. scooter only got in the lobby, and the lobby doesn't count."}, {"x": "it's a blessing and a curse really.", "y": "ted, you can't let him treat you like that."}, {"x": "okay, all right, so what, you guys found the painting, huh?", "y": "i knew this day would come."}, {"x": "how did you know that?", "y": "because i didn't hide it very well."}, {"x": "well, i just... don't think that some dude should drop trou just to pose for you.", "y": "it's for class, and it's just that weird kid hunter from my freshman hall."}, {"x": "the frisbee dude with the soul patch? he's like the hottest guy in school!", "y": "no, he's actually a little husky..."}, {"x": "oh, he's just huggable! and complicated... and a little bit of a jerk. just enough so you think maybe you can change him.", "y": "okay, just forget it."}, {"x": "call me old-fashioned, i just think that i'm the only guy you should see naked.", "y": "well, then you'll have to do it."}, {"x": "are you kidding me? what if somebody sees it?", "y": "we're not in high school anymore. people don't make fun of you for posing nude for a painting. we're adults now."}, {"x": "oh, i'll go out with you. bye, guys.", "y": "you know, i wish everyone didn't have to make fun of that painting."}, {"x": "eh, we're not making fun of the painting, we're just making fun of marshall. the painting's actually really great.", "y": "are you serious?"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "well, thank you. you know, seeing it again makes me miss painting nudes. what?"}, {"x": "paint me.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "i was this close.", "y": "oh honey, you're awake?"}, {"x": "i'm awake. is everything okay?", "y": "yeah. i've kind of been wrestling with something. what if i told you i had a way to pay for our honeymoon?"}, {"x": "baby, our honeymoon's already paid for. we're going to howe caverns.", "y": "well yeah, but-- but what if we didn't want to spend our honeymoon in a cave?"}, {"x": "it's not just a cave, it's a whole labyrinth of caves. it's an underground adventure. there's a cave that's so dark that you don't even know you're in there. i mean, we're going to experience a whole new kind of dark.", "y": "well, what if i found a way to make a little extra money so that we spend our honeymoon not in howe caverns, but in scotland?"}, {"x": "loch ness?", "y": "yeah. and you know, edinburgh and the highlands and glasgow..."}, {"x": "loch ness. nessy. baby, i would love to search for the enchanted creature of the emerald loch, but... we can't afford that.", "y": "maybe we can."}, {"x": "paint me.", "y": "okay, i don't get this. you've been making fun of that painting all this time and now you want me to paint you?"}, {"x": "we knew we could t*rture marshall because he has shame. i do not. in my body, where the shame gland should be, there's a second awesome gland. true story.", "y": "yeah, that's not the gland i'm worried about painting."}, {"x": "yeah. a nude barney is a challenge. but i think you're talented enough to immortalize this. now is the time-- i'm 31. i'm at the peak of my physical beauty. if i were a woman, i'd have passed it long, long ago. long ago.", "y": "forget it. i promised marshall he was the only guy i would ever see naked."}, {"x": "we're going to loch ness!", "y": "yeah!"}, {"x": "what? i don't believe this! you're, you're, you're wearing my clothes! and my", "y": "okay, let's get this over with."}, {"x": "hey, hey! i don't want you phoning this in. this painting could, someday, become a serious work of art. i mean, you have been blessed with an amazing gift.", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "i meant me. now, i like how you captured marshall's essence. goofy and unburdened, with wit. but me, i want something more regal. something my progeny could look at and say, \"there's stands barnabus stinson.\" he was wise... and strong.", "y": "i don't think your sword will fit."}, {"x": "i get that a lot.", "y": "hold still. hold still. hold still!"}, {"x": "paint faster!", "y": "okay, i guess it's time. drop your shorts."}, {"x": "yeah. wait, wait! that wasn't enough buildup. i need... in a world without justice, one man...", "y": "oh, just drop them!"}, {"x": "oh, god, you didn't hear? mark d*ed.", "y": "oh, my god."}, {"x": "not a clue.", "y": "well, i guess we should go, right?"}, {"x": "okay, i feel terrible, but the truth is we didn't know mike.", "y": "mark."}, {"x": "okay, here's the plan record the game, go to the funeral, pay our respects to matt...", "y": "mark."}, {"x": "amen.", "y": "we are not fast-forwarding through the commercials."}, {"x": "such a waste.", "y": "i know. he was so young."}, {"x": "okay, i have to be at work exactly one super bowl from now.", "y": "oh, let's face it, we're not going to get to watch it. we should just find out the score."}, {"x": "calm down, buddy.", "y": "oh, commercials!"}, {"x": "nothing, it's the halftime show.", "y": "oh, so lame. nobody even pays attention. i mean, janet jackson, who cares?"}, {"x": "i'm not gonna lie to you. it's not gonna be easy. that means no tv, no internet, no newspapers, nothing. media blackout. but our tradition lives on. who's in?", "y": "i'm in."}, {"x": "thank you, kevin and robin. let's talk about the super bowl.", "y": "and he's a little bit double-jointed... and his favorite animal is the loch ness monster."}, {"x": "lily, how many times...? nessie is a gentle creature. we're trying to stay away from terms like \"monster.\"", "y": "well, i think we can all agree, he is much more interesting than sally's one-eyed goldfish. three weeks in a row? come on, sally. okay, well, that's all the time we have. arts and crafts, everybody."}, {"x": "well, you can't have miss aldrin, she's mine.", "y": "okay, now who did this?"}, {"x": "does that mean marshall gets a time-out?", "y": "well, marshall's a grownup, so..."}, {"x": "when one of us breaks something, we get a time-out.", "y": "sorry. marshall gets a time-out."}, {"x": "mission accomplished.", "y": "didn't find out."}, {"x": "barney, what the hell was that? we know who you bet on. now you've ruined the game for everyone.", "y": "yeah. thanks a lot, barney."}, {"x": "there's no point in even watching the game.", "y": "well, at least the commercials aren't ruined."}, {"x": "i met emmitt smith today.", "y": "ooh, you go first."}, {"x": "i tried out the sensory deprivator 5000.", "y": "yeah, go ahead, barney."}, {"x": "oh, man, it kills.", "y": "you want some aspirin, baby?"}, {"x": "wow, your first broken bone. kind of kills your whole \"unbreakable\" theory.", "y": "marshall used to think he was indestructible."}, {"x": "this ought to be good. wow. he's already passing the second checkpoint.", "y": "this tracking thing is amazing. when we get married, you're getting one of these."}, {"x": "right? yeah, my time would have been like a half an hour better, but i met this total hottie on mile seven. we took a quick detour and had our own mini marathon behind a nathan's. i won.", "y": "i'm not sure anyone in that story is a winner."}, {"x": "my pants are starting to feel a little tight.", "y": "oh, that's okay. i love that cute little belly."}, {"x": "i cannot allow this.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "i am going to run the new york city marathon.", "y": "\"it is important to load up on carbohydrates two to four hours before a big run. try a breakfast of a bagel, a banana, oatmeal, strawberries and some orange juice.\" here you go, marshmallow. just like the book said."}, {"x": "yeah, but from now on, i'm eating all of my breakfast runner-style. liquids are digested faster. that way, no energy is wasted, and it's all about the run.", "y": "\"don't forget to give yourself plenty of positive reinforcement.\""}, {"x": "this is gonna be your best run yet. you're going to accomplish all of your goals. you are a robot sent from the future to win the marathon! you are... marshall. you are... marshall. you are marshall! yeah!", "y": "\"chafing or blisters can occur in a number of areas, including the feet, armpits, or even the nipples. try using some petroleum jelly on the affected areas.\""}, {"x": "oh, my god. can you believe what some nut bags will do to save a few bucks?", "y": "we have to camp out."}, {"x": "are you serious?", "y": "you don't understand. this is an amazing sale. i've heard about it before, but i never knew where it was. we'll have a wedding dress campout. it'll be fun."}, {"x": "i can't go. i've got this thing.", "y": "what thing?"}, {"x": "this is the place.", "y": "oh, wow. badgley mischka! melissa sweet! vera wang! oh, robin, do you have any idea what you guys stumbled onto here?"}, {"x": "you said wang.", "y": "oh, this reminds me of the ticket line to lilith fair, 1998. only fewer mullets."}, {"x": "you should feel good. you're only, like, the tenth craziest bride in new york.", "y": "ooh, this is comfy. we might actually be able to sleep."}, {"x": "that's kind of annoying.", "y": "well, i'm sure somebody will be out here to turn it off any minute. i don't think i can take this. every time it turns off, i think, oh, maybe it won't turn on again, but then it does. why does it, robin? why does it keep turning on?"}, {"x": "it's gonna be okay, sweetie. why... why don't we make a game out of it, okay? why don't we sing along?", "y": "if we get through this, i swear i'm gonna live my life differently."}, {"x": "morning, ladies.", "y": "it's him. it's the car guy!"}, {"x": "yeah, but it's a fish, so it's the good kind of fat.", "y": "hot off the presses!"}, {"x": "that's different. it was for a strip club. two bucks off wings. how much is your flyer going to save me on wings?", "y": "fine. it's a flyer from my play."}, {"x": "yeah, there's some in the bathroom. got to moisturize! got to keep that pretty face moist.", "y": "oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!"}, {"x": "what word, \"moist\"?", "y": "no! seriously, stop!"}, {"x": "disgusting. you let me put on the same moisturizer as one of your exes?", "y": "it was probably carla's. her face was a train wreck."}, {"x": "no. no! no! oh, ted!", "y": "ah, the age-old question after you break up with someone, what do you do with the stuff?"}, {"x": "i'm gonna have to say no. i don't want some 16-year-old", "y": "yes!"}, {"x": "marshall, it's over. we even gave you an appeal and they didn't look any better with combat boots.", "y": "all right, well, let's hear the arguments. ted, you go first."}, {"x": "your mom's creepy and gross.", "y": "order! order! i got to side with robin. she's your girlfriend, and if the stuff upsets her, you got to get rid of it."}, {"x": "i... am greed.", "y": "i am rage... envy!"}, {"x": "no, you're not. you have to stay.", "y": "this is the face of consumerism!"}, {"x": "what? it was terrible. i mean, come on. you guys agree, right? hey, sorry, i'm just being honest 'cause, you know, we're friends.", "y": "no, friends make each other feel good. they build each other up and support them. that's what being a good friend is about."}, {"x": "yeah, if you're a smurf.", "y": "you know if you did a play, i would sit through the whole thing and i would compliment you on it afterwards."}, {"x": "oh, really? you would?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "she's not getting rid of the dogs.", "y": "what's the matter with you?"}, {"x": "yes!", "y": "you can ask somebody to get rid of their iguana after it poops in your hair, but not their dog."}, {"x": "oh, i almost forgot. flyers for my new play.", "y": "very funny."}, {"x": "oh, it's not a joke. it's my one-man show premiering tomorrow night. and even though it's terrible and excruciatingly long, i expect you all to be there since we're such good friends.", "y": "oh, we'll be there."}, {"x": "unless, of course, you just want to admit that you were wrong...", "y": "never."}, {"x": "i gotta go.", "y": "oh, he's really having trouble dealing with this, huh?"}, {"x": "yeah, he really is. it's got me thinking, maybe i should get rid of my dogs. might be time to send them to the farm.", "y": "you're gonna k*ll your dogs?!"}, {"x": "no! no, no, no, there really is a farm. my aunt has a farm upstate.", "y": "oh, thank god. aw, you know, if i were five dogs, i'd rather live on a farm than in an apartment in brooklyn."}, {"x": "yeah. i could visit them on weekends. my aunt is awfully lonely up there. it's just her and her lover, betty.", "y": "oh, that's perfect. they love dogs."}, {"x": "\"they\"? what do you mean by \"they\"?", "y": "uh... uh.... uh... people upstate. oh, look, it's starting. shh!"}, {"x": "are you sure you're gonna be okay? i mean, you know that this is gonna be...", "y": "i know, but i'm gonna sit through the whole thing, and i'm gonna say something nice about it afterwards. you know why? because that's what friends do."}, {"x": "feelings. inside. oh, no!", "y": "okay! stop! you win. fine. barney, i'm sorry i made you come to my show."}, {"x": "thank you, lily. is there anything you'd like to say about my show?", "y": "no. no, i have nothing nice to say about your show. you were right, barney. let's go to the bar."}, {"x": "yes! i win! i love winning! oh, lily. oh, lily, lily, lily. i was just getting", "y": "well, i imagine it was pretty awful, so let's go."}, {"x": "pretty awful? pretty awful?! it was a masterpiece of awful. it's genius how bad it is. i kind of wish you guys could see it.", "y": "yeah, well, anyway."}, {"x": "hey, your car's going to be fine. this is the best auto shop around. look at this certificate. one of the mechanics here finished a 64-ounce steak.", "y": "surprise."}, {"x": "she? i thought it was your little boy.", "y": "oh, it goes back and forth. it's sort of a tr*nny car."}, {"x": "it is not insane.", "y": "barney. that's like the third one in a row that you've screwed up."}, {"x": "well, i'm trying, but it's...", "y": "look. you fold twice to the middle, fold back and forth, pull the ends out, flip over, open the flaps, fold the edges, crease the front, fold in half, fold the wings down, push in the bottom corners, and fold the wings back out. or would you like one of my kindergartners to show you?"}, {"x": "wait, wait, wait. wait, i think i've got it.", "y": "no. forget it; the paper's too expensive. you're out."}, {"x": "damn it!", "y": "you said you were gonna marry me that long ago? that is so sweet."}, {"x": "lily, don't. be strong. do not go all \"prisoner's dilemma\" on me.", "y": "the car's on its deathbed, robin. i have to clear my conscience."}, {"x": "guys, what are you talking about?", "y": "okay. shortly after we met robin, she and i were jonesing for thai food from this one place."}, {"x": "an hour and a half delivery. we can't wait that long.", "y": "i wish we could take the fiero, but marshall has this insane no-food rule."}, {"x": "but thai food, lily. pad yum mao. tom kai gah. thai see ran.", "y": "oh! you're just saying random syllables, and it still sounds delicious. okay. here's what we'll do. we'll drive over, pick it up, have them double-bag it, very carefully drive it back here with the windows open, and he'll never know.. wow, these brakes are really sensitive. oh, marshall is gonna k*ll me! this and the difference between \"affect\" and \"effect\" are the only two things he's really serious about."}, {"x": "lily, it's gonna be fine.", "y": "no, it's not. marshall's gonna freak. oh, god, oh, god. what are we gonna do? oh, god, oh...!"}, {"x": "shut up! now, listen to me. the clock is ticking. okay, first thing, we scoop up all these little pieces of tofu and cabbage. next, what we need to take care of are the really messy parts-- the pools that have collected. we got to soak that soup up. last is the smell. we got to cover up that tom kah gai. you mentioned cigars.", "y": "there's two in the glove compartment, but he's been saving them."}, {"x": "hand me those chopsticks. hey, how about some tunes? oh, great song.", "y": "these cigars aren't helping at all."}, {"x": "yeah. this was a terrible idea.", "y": "now it just smells like a homeless guy threw up in here. end of flasback."}, {"x": "the broken windows?", "y": "we had to make it look realistic."}, {"x": "can't believe this whole time it was you guys. i've been blaming really tanned dancing leotard guy.", "y": "marshall, i'm so sorry, but sharing that secret-- that's when robin and i became best friends."}, {"x": "love it? hold on a second. love it? i hate it!", "y": "what? why?"}, {"x": "ummina-hummina-hummina-hummina ummina-hummina-hummina hummina. i shouldn't even be here, thanks to that deathtrap. but fate... fate gave me a second chance. and helped me realize that our days on this planet are too few to squander. so i decided from that moment on to continue living life to its fullest.", "y": "so you made a life-changing decision to not change your life at all."}, {"x": "but that's life. you know? you never end up where you thought you wanted to be. i'm not helping the environment. ted's not a philosopher. lily's not not a world-famous artist. barney's never driven more than ten miles an hour. robin, i'm sure, has also experience disappointment in her life. maybe? and my fiero's not a fiero that went 200,000 miles. it's okay. you know? those are old dreams. we'll get a new car and we'll fill that one up with new memories. and that'll be the car we had when we were first married. when we owned our first house. maybe even the first car our four kids remember.", "y": "that's so sweet. the first car our two kids remember."}, {"x": "okay, we decided not to do that because of...", "y": "logistics. wedding logistics."}, {"x": "then why don't you? you can stay with me.", "y": "it would make our wedding night more special."}, {"x": "okay, let's do it.", "y": "done."}, {"x": "i'm gonna go grab a beer.", "y": "i'll come with you. no. i'll stay."}, {"x": "you know what, barney? lily and i are a lot less chees than you make us out to be.", "y": "marshmallow, don't forget to pack my night-night tape."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "he doesn't say it. he sings it."}, {"x": "oh, that is so sweet. why don't you kiss? i love it when two chicks make out.", "y": "damn it. nobody's bought us anything cool yet off our registry."}, {"x": "what's on there?", "y": "ooh, lots of stuff. kitchen aide artisan series tilt-head stand mixer..."}, {"x": "retail price $319.99. what else?", "y": "um, the dyson dc17 animal vacuum."}, {"x": "are you kidding? t.p.i.r. is not just an indescribably entertaining hour of television, it's a microcosm of our entire economic system-- a capitalist utopia, where consumers are rewarded for their persistence, market acumen and intrepid spirit. i gaze upon the glory of the price is right, and i see the face of america. and it is divine. plus, you know, hot chicks on sports cars.", "y": "i'm ready! lily comes into the livingroom with her wedding dress while robin singins.)"}, {"x": "ta-da-da-da-da... wow, lily, you look so beautiful.", "y": "i know! i'm beautiful! i'm a fairy princess! i'm too skinny for my dress!"}, {"x": "yeah, of course.", "y": "it's $300 just to take the bust in? oh, please, you have to have some sympathy for me. i'm getting married next saturday, and i'm too skinny for my dress. i lost all this weight without even trying. hello?"}, {"x": "what happened?", "y": "she called me a bitch and hung up. oh, i don't know what to do. i guess i'll just have to pay the $300."}, {"x": "pay the $300? lily, are you crazy? this isn't a problem. it's a license to eat. look, what have you always wanted to eat but didn't because it was too ridicuusly decadent?", "y": "ooh, a valrhona chocolate souffl\u00e9e with a raspberry brandy sauce topped with caramelized bananas and hazelnut gelato."}, {"x": "i have cool whip and half a bag of fritos.", "y": "done!"}, {"x": "i love you.", "y": "i love you, too. i know it's soon to say it, but i'm so glad you did."}, {"x": "hey, lil.", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "that's right", "y": "the host of the price is right, bob barker?"}, {"x": "drop the popper! lily has to gain five pounds in a week and a half, and it is my job to help her get there.", "y": "this is the best wedding diet ever."}, {"x": "that is impossible. you ate mcdonald's every meal for three days.", "y": "i knew that super size me guy was full of it."}, {"x": "well, it must be the wedding stress. we just got to up the intake. lily aldrin, drop and give me 20 bites of fudge! okay? don't nibble at it. att*ck it! come on, lily. you can do better than that!", "y": "i can't."}, {"x": "well, eat faster, before your body figures out it's full.", "y": "i'm trying."}, {"x": "oh, are you gonna cry? you gonna cry? skinny little baby's gonna cry? well, eat, damn it, eat!", "y": "okay!"}, {"x": "you know what i'd like to do to you right now? i'd like to hold your hand. i'd like to hold your hand so hard that you're not able to shake hands for a week.", "y": "are you just going to talk about holding my hand or are you going to hold it?"}, {"x": "exactly. it's impossible to write a good toast with you censoring me, man. i give up. i'm just going to read that thing about jesus and the footprints.", "y": "i give up, too. i don't care if my dress doesn't fit. i can't eat anymore. i-i feel like my stomach's going to explode."}, {"x": "turns out, all week long he'd been sneaking out to a hotel on 72nd, to meet lily.", "y": "god, i missed you."}, {"x": "i can't sleep without you. hey, baby? would you be the big spoon for a while?", "y": "sure, baby."}, {"x": "how's the weight gaining going?", "y": "ugh, terribly. i'm too stressed out without you around."}, {"x": "wow, it's beautiful, lily.", "y": "yeah. it's just how i always pictured it."}, {"x": "because it subtly implants in the mind of every woman there that when i ask a question, you say, \"i do.\" yeah.", "y": "great. now my mom's making me invite the lessners. this puts our numbers in the triple digits."}, {"x": "you know what? that's okay. it'll be a slightly big outdoor wedding.", "y": "so now, instead of an acoustic guitar, we're having a harp player. yeah. my dad owes a guy, and... that guy's daughter plays the harp."}, {"x": "dude, i'm not gonna count how many pages the list is. i'm not crass.", "y": "well, it doesn't matter anyway. she's pregnant."}, {"x": "hi, lily.", "y": "wow. andrea. you really are pregnant."}, {"x": "yeah, but i'm a fast learner. you ever hear of \"guitar hero\"? learned that in a day. is there a \"harp hero\"?", "y": "robin, it's fine. so, so, when are you due?"}, {"x": "tuesday.", "y": "wow, that's soon."}, {"x": "holy crap, we have to fire her. she's gonna drop a shorty in the middle of your ceremony.", "y": "robin, i'm not going to freak myself out. i hate those women who say, \"oh, my wedding has to be perfect.\" things go wrong. sometimes the deejay screws up your playlist. sometimes you slip on placenta during the recessional."}, {"x": "not even a little. hey! who's bill?", "y": "bill?"}, {"x": "oh, so when do you think someone should do it? just wait for a lull or what?", "y": "oh, no. did he look like a guy who tried to be an umpire but failed?"}, {"x": "he kind of did.", "y": "that's scooter."}, {"x": "your high school boyfriend, scooter?", "y": "his real name is bill. my mom must have invited him."}, {"x": "why? why would she do that?", "y": "our families are really close. but my ex-boyfriend? come on, mom. i didn't invite that professional squash player dad busted you with. oh, i need a glass of wine."}, {"x": "i'll get it.", "y": "oh, thanks. hey, how's marshall doing?"}, {"x": "he's great. he's about to get his hair cut.", "y": "oh. i'm worried my cousin's going to cut it too short."}, {"x": "hey, barney.", "y": "scooter, what are you doing here?"}, {"x": "it's not \"scooter\" anymore. it's bill. a lot of things have changed about me, lily, but one hasn't. i still love you. and i came here to win you back.", "y": "you're really cute. oh, no. really?"}, {"x": "oh, wow.", "y": "oh. robin... my makeup looks perfect right now, and i'm about to cry. do something."}, {"x": "i have hairy nipples.", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "there's a photographer? oh, my god. okay, i just have to call...", "y": "robin, stop. stop. it's okay. i am not gonna let anything get to me today."}, {"x": "i just got a call from the florist. the flowers won't be here till halfway through the ceremony.", "y": "i'm okay."}, {"x": "i hate to bother you, but... i think i found your veil in the parking lot.", "y": "i'm fine."}, {"x": "just fyi my water broke. but i can probably......make it through.", "y": "totally cool."}, {"x": "oh, no. lily, i think i forgot your bridal panties. i-i thought i had them. i'm so sorry.", "y": "oh, it's okay, i'll just wear the ones i have on."}, {"x": "are you sure?", "y": "i'm marrying marshall today. so it doesn't even matter that i'm gonna walk down the aisle without a veil in a room that has no flowers to the music of half a harp played by a woman who's crowning, as my high school boyfriend reads g*ns n' roses lyrics. but that's okay, because there's no photographer there to take any pictures of it anyway."}, {"x": "lily, are you okay?", "y": "what do you think?! of course i'm not okay! everything that could possibly go wrong at my wedding has! it's ruined!"}, {"x": "what happened to \"i don't want a perfect wedding\"?", "y": "oh, grow up, robin! of course i want a perfect wedding! oh, god. i wanted... i wanted not to care about the wedding, but... i do. i... i'm supposed to feel like a princess today."}, {"x": "and you will. it's gonna be okay, sweetie. why don't we go outside? i have something that'll make you feel better.", "y": "what could you have that could possibly make me feel better? god, i hope marshall's having a better day than i'm having."}, {"x": "oh, no.", "y": "oh, my god! marshall..."}, {"x": "holy crap, i don't think anyone's supposed to see you.", "y": "what happened? did amy do this to you?"}, {"x": "just the frosted tips. i did the rest. i'm sorry, baby. i've ruined the whole wedding, haven't i?", "y": "oh, no, you didn't ruin the wedding, sweetie. it was already ruined. there's no flowers, no photographer. oh, and scooter's here, by the way."}, {"x": "yeah, i know. i heard.", "y": "my veil got thrashed, the harp player is in labor, and i'm not wearing my wedding underwear."}, {"x": "what? no \"property of marshall\" across the back? how are people going to know whose butt that is?", "y": "what happened? remember the wedding we wanted, the intimate outdoor ceremony?"}, {"x": "what do you think, baby?", "y": "i love it."}, {"x": "me, too. let's do it. let's get married before we get married.", "y": "great. wait, hold on. excuse me, sir. could we borrow your hat?"}, {"x": "okay.", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "oh, no. i don't have my vows.", "y": "i don't have mine either."}, {"x": "it's totally okay.", "y": "my turn. oh, thank you. marshall, i love you because you're funny and you make me feel loved and you make me feel safe and for our anniversary you gave me a sweatshirt that says, \"lily and marshall. rockin' it since '96.\" i kinda wish i was wearing it right now 'cause it smells like you. but the main reason i love you, marshall ericksen, is you make me happy. you make me happy all the time."}, {"x": "hey, i found your panties!", "y": "i'm good."}, {"x": "marshall, do you take lily to be your wife to have and to hold from this day forward?", "y": "slow down."}, {"x": "lily, do you promise to take marshall to be your husband to have and to hold... live?", "y": "i do."}, {"x": "did you smoke?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "oh, my god, just tell me!", "y": "oh, help us."}, {"x": "what's wrong?", "y": "we're starving. we planned this amazing meal with the caterers, and we haven't had a bite of it."}, {"x": "oh, there you are. my dear, you look so beautiful.", "y": "thanks, grammie, but we really need to..."}, {"x": "conga line.", "y": "oh, yes, definitely."}, {"x": "how about a slide show of you guys through the years set to green day's \"time of your life\" and ending with your baby photos side by side.", "y": "oh, that's great. going on the list."}, {"x": "what list?", "y": "horrible wedding clich\u00e9es we're not going to touch with a ten-foot limbo pole."}, {"x": "lame.", "y": "going on the list."}, {"x": "wait, isn't doing it in the reception hall bathroom kind of a clich\u00e9e?", "y": "well, okay, one clich\u00e9e."}, {"x": "well, technically two.", "y": "no! they cleared our plates again!"}, {"x": "pepper-crusted rack of lamb, where did you go? it's my wedding night. i was supposed to have my way with you.", "y": "well, you still have me."}, {"x": "anyway, guys, we're kind of in the middle of something, so if you could go bicker or share a tense, sexless silence or whatever married people do somewhere else, that'd be great.", "y": "no, barney, this is my wedding, and i will sit wherever i damn well..."}, {"x": "and there, sitting at the bottom of my champagne glass is...", "y": "mini quiche. you're a mega-douche."}, {"x": "so did you guys find anything to eat?", "y": "i had four strawberries."}, {"x": "was there a side of champagne with each of the strawberries?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "lily, you could have burped or said the word \"yes,\" but the fact that you did both is exactly why i married you.", "y": "oh, look, more strawberries!"}, {"x": "okay, lily. i'm really hungry, so let's just, uh, aim for my mouth, okay? besides, the smearing the cake thing's a clich\u00e9e, remember?", "y": "no, it's going to be so funny."}, {"x": "lily. lily, just feed me the cake. please, baby, i am so hungry.", "y": "whoopsy-daisy."}, {"x": "and she's okay. she's all right. that was funny. and it's time for the honeymoon. guys, guys, guys. thank you so much.", "y": "we love you. i love you."}, {"x": "barney, come on, we've covered this.", "y": "robin!"}, {"x": "i just can't believe her. we have this totally amicable split, everything's cool. and she comes back from vacation with that guy? you know what she's doing? she's trying to win the breakup.", "y": "what do you mean \"win the breakup\", old timey inventor."}, {"x": "what our 21st president, chester a. arthur, is trying to say is that in every breakup there are winners and losers.", "y": "it's not a competition. now, your 80-day ballon race around the world, that was a competition."}, {"x": "not possible. you cannot have sex on a windsurfing board.", "y": "how do you know?"}, {"x": "glad you asked lily. i have crafted a list of every vehicle land-based, aquatic and airborne in which/on which it's possible to have sex. and of those 33 vehicles, i have had sex in/on 31. windsurfing board, not on the list, not possible. oh, p.s., in order to hit 33, all i need is bobsled and the apollo 11 space capsule.", "y": "to get that last one, you'd have to break into the smithsonian."}, {"x": "you guys, have fun of your duble date.", "y": "oh, for the hundredth time, i'm sorry, there was a lull."}, {"x": "and then we fell asleep on the beach while counting the stars.", "y": "do you want to have diner with me? uh, us?"}, {"x": "there was no lull. you just think he's incredibly hot.", "y": "no, i don't!...not incredibly. it's a little hard to believe how hot is he. but i mean, she isn't serious about him. the girl never marries the hot guy."}, {"x": "well, you did.", "y": "i'm one of the lucky few."}, {"x": "lily, ted is our best friend, so let's get something straight male gayle is not hot. he's not our friend. don't even look at him. just... no eye contact.", "y": "hey, robin. gael."}, {"x": "weird? why would it be weird? because you used to date our best friend or because my wife thinks your new boyfriend is incredibly hot?", "y": "i do not! shut up! oh, my god!"}, {"x": "we carry so much ancient emotion in our neck and shoulders. things we should have let go of years ago.", "y": "oh, i forgive you, mom."}, {"x": "lily, we are ted's best friends. our job is to hate that guy.", "y": "oh, yeah, that's what i was doing. i was building him up so few minutes later, i could totally cut him down."}, {"x": "you know, it was great. i met this crazy girl, i almost got a tattoo. don't worry, i didn't. but it was... it was amazing. i think it's safe to say, i am winning this breakup.", "y": "look."}, {"x": "nothing. this j. crew catalog. who brings two golden retrievers in a canoe?", "y": "we've gotta call barney."}, {"x": "hey, guys, what's the big emergency? oh and b the w i am never speaking to ted again.", "y": "hum. really, never? not even if, say, butterflies flew out of his ass?"}, {"x": "since you and robin split, you've been gestating. growing in your cocoon. and last night... you burst out of that cocoon..., like a majestic, uh... gosh, what is it that comes out of a cocoon? i was always bad at science.", "y": "he's gonna say it."}, {"x": "we're sorry, ted. it'll never happen again.", "y": "it meant nothing to us. it just felt really really really good."}, {"x": "ted.", "y": "he got a tramp stamp."}, {"x": "no, it's from writing all the thank you notes. mostly.", "y": "yeah. you're writing constantly. there's forms we have to sign, our death folders, thank you notes..."}, {"x": "whoa. whoa. what are death folders?", "y": "it's this thing they recommend you do in case one spouse d*ed unexpectedly."}, {"x": "it's all the information your spouse might need all in one convenient location.", "y": "yeah. account info, important addresses, a letter to the other person, all that stuff. i'll get the next round."}, {"x": "seen 'em.", "y": "wow. it seems like a great trip."}, {"x": "oh, it was. i feel like the robin who left is not the same robin who came back, you know.", "y": "wow. there's a lot of nude people in here."}, {"x": "you haven't changed, scherbatsky. you're a sophisticated, scotch-swilling, cigar-smoking, red-meat-eating, g*n-toting new yorker.", "y": "just shoes and a shirt. that's a look."}, {"x": "thank you.", "y": "man, this is like \"where's waldo\" of exposed genitalia. except that it's really easy to find waldo."}, {"x": "i'm telling you, within three days...", "y": "ooh, here he comes. switched to big words."}, {"x": "\"my dearest, sweetest, lily pad. let this letter be a small beacon, a tiny firefly to help light your way trough the years ahead. my love for you persists, higher than the himalayas, deeper than a scottish loch. if i d*ed under suspicious circumstances then beware. trust no one, not even ted. especially not ted. know that i'll always be there in your heart, whenever you need me. and my love for you will never die. love. your marshmallow.\"", "y": "\"m., atm pin code 5-4-5-9. teacher's pension account a-3-9-3-2. cancel vogue. l.\""}, {"x": "okay. all right.", "y": "so, gael, huh?"}, {"x": "mmm.", "y": "still going strong?"}, {"x": "yeah. it's great. amazing, fantastic, awesome.", "y": "ooh, that's one too many. what's going on?"}, {"x": "and you know what else? i'm still finding sand everywhere. i mean, we haven't been to the beach since argentina. where is all coming from?", "y": "well, maybe you're just going back to the person you were before the trip."}, {"x": "wow. both sides. you wrote on both sides of a thank you note to my third cousin for a blender that you haven't even taken out of the box.", "y": "wow, it's a really nice blender."}, {"x": "well, if you love that blender so much, why don't you just marry it.", "y": "i can't. i married you. that's how we got the blender. what's wrong?"}, {"x": "nothing. nothing's wrong. what could be wrong? except that when you die, i'm gonna find out that your parting words to comfort me for all eternity were \"cancel vogue\".", "y": "how can you open my letter?"}, {"x": "that was not a letter. it was barely even a text message. next time you write something that short, at least have the courtesy to make it rhyme.", "y": "marshall, wait. this was our first fight as a married couple."}, {"x": "oh, baby.", "y": "oh."}, {"x": "hey, babe. i've been thinking about our fight.", "y": "yes?"}, {"x": "i'm really, really... surprised that you haven't apologized to me yet.", "y": "wow. you really want to open this up again. oh, i forgot, you open everything up, even if you're not supposed to until i'm dead."}, {"x": "you know that is important to me. why won't you just write the letter?", "y": "because, i can't bear the thought of not being with you, not even for long enough to write you a stupid letter."}, {"x": "really?", "y": "yes, really. plus, i know as soon as i write it, you're just going to open it up and read it again."}, {"x": "lily, i won't, i promise.", "y": "okay. i'll write you a letter for my death folder."}, {"x": "do you mind, um, maybe slipping in a little bit of dirty stuff, too?", "y": "i tell you what. how about i make it all dirty stuff and slip in a little clean stuff?"}, {"x": "this time we went all the way. tell you one thing. she is maybe sandy but that chick knows what i like.", "y": "okay, i'm done... but i really don't want you reading this unless... you know, something happens. can you swear to me you won't open it?"}, {"x": "totally. what does it say?", "y": "marshall, i'm serious."}, {"x": "okay. i promise i won't, i won't open that until you're dead.", "y": "okay."}, {"x": "thanks for lending me these boots. where did you get them from?", "y": "oh, this store in the village had one of those crazy sales. it was a footwear feeding frenzy."}, {"x": "so many questions. firstly, what do you think would happen if a guy walked into that store wearing a suit of boots?", "y": "you look fantastic in them, robin. but don't you think they're a little high for that dress?"}, {"x": "given the choice, always party with dr. strangelove.", "y": "new girl? what new girl?"}, {"x": "two girls are allegedly vying for ted's affections and i think...", "y": "oh, you don't know what you're talking about. give it to me."}, {"x": "yeah. no, i don't know. they're old sorority sisters.", "y": "are they betas?"}, {"x": "they're kappas and i think i can score with one of them. i don't know which one and if i choose wrong, i lose 'em both.", "y": "ok, well, don't worry, i'll come down and help you figure it out."}, {"x": "hello.", "y": "it's me, i'm at the bar. don't look, just call me mom."}, {"x": "hi mom, how's dad's colon?", "y": "what? what's the matter with you? anyway, both of these girls are into you. take your pick."}, {"x": "they are? are you sure?", "y": "yes, of course. they're playing with their hair and touching your arm. class green light."}, {"x": "that is so funny. you are so funny.", "y": "positive. they both want you bad. it's a clearance sale and you're the boots, baby."}, {"x": "my mom.", "y": "hello."}, {"x": "bring me a razor.", "y": "what about the no-shave rule? what happened to your convictions?"}, {"x": "they've been surgically removed by dr. awesome.", "y": "no, i'm not doing it. the whole point to not shaving..."}, {"x": "lily, please, he's really cute and i really like him. and he's got a british accent.", "y": "i'm on my way."}, {"x": "one.", "y": "well, he's right, it's a dead heat."}, {"x": "two.", "y": "neither one is giving ground. i could not tell who was the third wheel."}, {"x": "no way, no way, no way. it's a tricycle.", "y": "well, i'll just say it right now, all sorority girls are sluts."}, {"x": "if lily were to die before me, then i could ride the tricycle.", "y": "if i d*ed, i'd just come back and haunt your penis."}, {"x": "scenario number 12. we're in a horrific car crash, you die, i'm left paralyzed. two sexy nurses with a six-pack of wine coolers sneak into my room late at night. i try to blink at them in morse code, \"please, don't, i love my dead wife,\" but they're medical professionals and i gotta think somehow they're saving my life.", "y": "fine, sleep with your nurses. tonight you ride the unicycle."}, {"x": "i already did this morning.", "y": "hello."}, {"x": "lily, i have pounded three cappuccinos waiting for you. pretty soon i won't have to shave, the hair is going to vibrate off my legs.", "y": "sorry, i can't leave now."}, {"x": "we're combing upsars? what does that mean?", "y": "he's coming upstairs!"}, {"x": "what are you guys doing here? i've got, i've got...", "y": "we know, we know, ted. well done, this is very impressive. up top."}, {"x": "yeah bro, up top.", "y": "oh, don't be gross."}, {"x": "no, no way. the other day i saw a pigeon take a crap on it and the whole thing shifted.", "y": "oh, you can use our bedroom."}, {"x": "what are you doing?", "y": "i knew it. i had a hunch about that girl and i was right."}, {"x": "fine, then i'll try to work in a little light spanking. just do this for me.", "y": "no, never."}, {"x": "what if i reimburse you for the boots, full retail?", "y": "thanks, enjoy our bedroom."}, {"x": "it's getting late, i'll get your coats.", "y": "i'll get your coats? ted i don't know why i said that. why did i say that? it's the opposite of what i meant. i wanna take clothes off them, not put more on."}, {"x": "leave him alone! sometimes even the greatest warriors sh**t themselves in the foot.", "y": "what are you talking about? barney if you must know, it wasn't a freak beverage malfunction that stopped me from riding the tricycle that night."}, {"x": "yes you can.", "y": "i can't believe i'm gonna say this, but i'm actually moved. bring it in, guys."}, {"x": "97, 98, 99, 100!", "y": "100! we only got to 82 on our honeymoon."}, {"x": "what's his 'but'?", "y": "what do you mean? ted when someone wants to set you up they always tell you the good qualities first but then they leave out their huge flaw."}, {"x": "but she has a pug that she pushes around in a stroller.", "y": "she's so cute and she's so smart."}, {"x": "if memory serves me, she had a huge 'but'. her huge butt. nailed it!", "y": "well, there's nothing wrong with this guy. he's really nice and he's really cute."}, {"x": "aha! there it is. robin's not going out with a guy with a kid.", "y": "but the guy is really great. and his kid's sweet, he's in my class."}, {"x": "you know what, the kid is not a problem. i wanna meet this guy.", "y": "ok, that's awesome."}, {"x": "but she's afraid of commitment.", "y": "but she's a g*n nut."}, {"x": "ok, here's the thing, george is a great guy, we had a wonderful date.", "y": "but?"}, {"x": "can't wait to meet him? why did i say that? i don't wanna meet his kid.", "y": "well, you knew you'd meet him sooner or later."}, {"x": "i was just hoping for later, like in 20 years when i'm a cougar and he's as hot as his dad.", "y": "robin, what's the big deal? he's just a kid. he's not gonna bite. he may bite. we're working on biting."}, {"x": "why is this kid around anyway? shouldn't he be with his mom? what kind of lawyer does this guy have if he has to take care of the kid all the time?", "y": "a good one. he won full custody."}, {"x": "and, kids, that's exactly what she did.", "y": "hey, what's up?"}, {"x": "it's here, lily. it's looking at me. the kid, what do i do?", "y": "just talk to him. you can do this, robin."}, {"x": "guess who loves robin? kids, kids love robin. doug thinks i'm pretty cool.", "y": "really, that's great. you and george, all thanks to me."}, {"x": "yeah, i'm gonna have to break up with him.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "i hate to tell you this but, too late."}, {"x": "there's no way that's a picture of me. that woman has on hoop earrings, i don't even own hoop earrings. i have one pair and they're gold. those are fruit loops.", "y": "you are so in denial right now. and you're doing what you always do in relationships."}, {"x": "do guys really think this is me?", "y": "honey, it's you. and if you're gonna break up with george, you have to break up with his kid too."}, {"x": "really?", "y": "yeah, you can't just abandon him. you have to talk to him. come on, robin, you know it's the right thing to do."}, {"x": "i should have just worn that stupid eye patch.", "y": "i can't believe you got dumped by a 6-year-old."}, {"x": "yeah. marshall all right, but spoiler alert, it ends with everyone saying 'aw.'", "y": "aw."}, {"x": "when you've been a couple as long as marshall and lily, telling the how we met story becomes a choreographed dance.", "y": "it was late august 1996"}, {"x": "i don't think anyone wants to hear that story.", "y": "don't be embarrassed, ted, it was a long time ago."}, {"x": "lily, will you help us get the next round?", "y": "ted, what's going on?"}, {"x": "she knows about us, about how we really met.", "y": "yeah, i know, i just told her."}, {"x": "no, the real story.", "y": "ted, what are you talking about?"}, {"x": "lily, come on.", "y": "come on what?"}, {"x": "lily, come on.", "y": "ted, i honestly don't know what you're talking about."}, {"x": "i know that you and ted made out the night before you met marshall.", "y": "what? ted and i never made out."}, {"x": "yeah, we did.", "y": "i only made out with one other guy in college before i met marshall, and it was just some random dude. i don't even remember his name. i just call him too-much-tongue guy."}, {"x": "what? too-much-tongue guy? i'm not surprised to hear that coming from unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl.", "y": "that wasn't me."}, {"x": "yes it was, at the freshman orientation party.", "y": "no, no no no no no no no no no no no."}, {"x": "i thought it was a mr. miyagi kind of thing.", "y": "marshall, i need to talk to you. can we go somewhere in private?"}, {"x": "i'm too-much-tongue guy.", "y": "and i'm unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl."}, {"x": "worst superheroes ever.", "y": "baby, i am so sorry."}, {"x": "really? marshall yeah, i'm positive. and too-much-tongue guy was colin o'riley.", "y": "are you sure? marshall if it wasn't, i peed in the wrong guy's shampoo, man."}, {"x": "baby, i have some exciting news.", "y": "i hope it's not that you just won some sort of race here."}, {"x": "i got the job at the nrdc.", "y": "wow."}, {"x": "and i found a p*rn starring ted mosby.", "y": "oh my god, that's amazing!"}, {"x": "congratulation for us all.", "y": "oh, let's go celebrate."}, {"x": "oh, no! no, i meant, that ted mosby, he really knows what he's doing. like all ted mosbys. wow, nrdc! way to go, marshall.", "y": "but you're still gonna go to your job interview today, right, baby?"}, {"x": "i'm not doing that interview. those people are evil.", "y": "marshall, your dad went through a lot of trouble to set this up. you can't just pull out at the last second."}, {"x": "that interview went on for 20 more minutes.", "y": "\"this project was so demanding, i can't tell you how many nights i spent bent over a table.\""}, {"x": "no. no way. i promise myself to the nrdc. i'm not that kind of lawyer.", "y": "oh, you should go. i mean, you're not gonna take the job, but you might as well get a great meal out of the deal."}, {"x": "well, it's your lucky day. he's gonna be signing autographs tomorrow night in manhattan at something called the adult video expo.", "y": "hmm. wait, are you telling me that they actually have conventions for p*rn?"}, {"x": "all right, ted. imagine the heads of two irish babies. let's call them.. and", "y": "please stop!"}, {"x": "why could you come in? you hear me shaving!", "y": "i thought you were shaving your face!"}, {"x": "hey, here's one. private building, recently renovated, hardwood floors, tons of light, two bedroom, 2 bath.", "y": "oh yeah, but that one's not for rent. it's for sale!"}, {"x": "you should buy a place!", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "and because of my new job, we are in such a strong place financially.", "y": "hy! my name is lily and i'm a shopaholic."}, {"x": "hi, lily. o, you guys don't do that here? sorry. proceed.", "y": "i buy designer clothes and accessories that i can't afford. i have 15 creditcards and they're all maxed out. and no one outside of this room, not even my husband, knows. and i feel terrible because all i want to do right now is ask you where you got those shoes? they're adorable."}, {"x": "yeah, i know, my sudent loans are pretty big.", "y": "i forgive you."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "well... i'm just saying as your wife, you know i'm cool that you spent tens of thousands of dollars on a brand name law school because i know it make you feel good and pretty."}, {"x": "let's just go take a look at this place.", "y": "where is it?"}, {"x": "uh, it's in a neighborhood called... dowisetrepla?", "y": "dowisetrepla?"}, {"x": "no need to be embarassed, listen, here in new york we just shorten the names of all the neighborhood soho, trybeka, nolita,...", "y": "o right dowisetrepla! no, i'm from new york. i know this neighborhood. i'm down in the d-town."}, {"x": "i think this right the place where lily and i start a family, i can see it now.", "y": "sounds great boys! who wants chocolate pancakes?"}, {"x": "oh my god lily, have you seen this kitchen?", "y": "i know. it's... isn't it amazing?"}, {"x": "what the hell are you doing? you can't buy this place; lily you have a debt of the size of mount waddington!", "y": "waddington?"}, {"x": "it's the tallest mountain in canada. it's like 4000 meters high.", "y": "meters?"}, {"x": "ro, don't let marshall fall in love with this apartment.", "y": "i know, i know, i know, i know! but what do i tell him?"}, {"x": "i-i don't know, tell him, tell him you saw a ghost. tell him it's haunted.", "y": "you really don't know marshall at all."}, {"x": "another couple? no! we want it. sell it to us. we'll give you so much more money.", "y": "oh marshall, can i talk to you? marshall, i just... i don't know if now is the right time to buy.\""}, {"x": "but we're not doing this for now, we're doing this for our future. can't you imagine starting a family here?", "y": "oh persephone! oh daphne! these'll be perfect additions to our upcoming mother-daughter exhibit at the met."}, {"x": "so... what do you guys think?", "y": "i love it, but marshall, i should have told you this long time ago. we can't afford to buy an apartment because i have too much credit card debt. i am so sorry."}, {"x": "all right, let's do it. let's do it.", "y": "i know what you're thinking. i should tell marshall the truth. i've got the whole thing figure out. we'll apply for the loan under marshall's name, and he'll never need to know. and then in the meantime, i'll slowly work down my debt, right after i furnish the apartment. i saw this amazing leather sofa today."}, {"x": "okay! all right, back to business. all right, mrs aldrin, i'm going to need your social as well.", "y": "what? why? i mean, you already have marshall's."}, {"x": "yes, but since you're a married couple, you'll be applying for a joint loan, so.", "y": "well, can we just go ahead and do it in my husband's name? he's the head of the household. he earns the big bucks. i mean, can women even own property?"}, {"x": "go ahead, just give him your social.", "y": "okay my... my social is, uh... 1glmmdhgj2."}, {"x": "you're lucky to be getting mortgage.", "y": "let's get out of here, marshall."}, {"x": "hey, hey guys.", "y": "we have an annoucement."}, {"x": "i hit redial on the phone. divorce lawyers?", "y": "ow, i should explain. we got in a pretty big fight."}, {"x": "yeah, i know", "y": "marshall stormed out."}, {"x": "i went, uh, to the bar.", "y": "still drinking that?"}, {"x": "i paid for it. and apparently money's tight now, so...", "y": "listen, i've been thinking about this, and i know there's no way to undo what i've done, but, well, i made an appointment with a divorce lawyer."}, {"x": "what?! what?!", "y": "oh no no! no, no, no"}, {"x": "you want a divorce now?", "y": "no! i just mean on papers, so that you can buy the apartment without my bad credit dragging us down."}, {"x": "lily... are you trying to k*ll me?", "y": "i'm sorry, i shouldn't have led with the divorce lawyer part."}, {"x": "no, you shouldn't have! i love you, lily.", "y": "i love you too, and i want us to have our dream home. and well, i don't know, it seems like this is a way to do it. so marshall eriksen, will you divorce me?"}, {"x": "that's the sweetest divorce proposal i've ever heard.", "y": "so is that a yes? you can't sleep with other women though."}, {"x": "so you're not getting a divorce?", "y": "no!"}, {"x": "i just got off the phone with the realtor. we told her that, uh, because of our finances, we're not getting the place. it's just --it's not the right time.", "y": "we're home on earth!"}, {"x": "ow this is exciting!", "y": "yeah! there it is! our new home!"}, {"x": "shall we?", "y": "we shall."}, {"x": "oh, that's just the plant. don't worry, they shut it down on the weekends.", "y": "wh-what plant? what are you talking about?"}, {"x": "general knowledge.", "y": "isn't it sad? i mean in 2007, some countries actually still condone corporal punishment."}, {"x": "i'm gonna go pay.", "y": "peeing."}, {"x": "i'm gonna help lily pee.", "y": "all right,we have a turkey."}, {"x": "yeah, we do.", "y": "isn't this exciting? our first thanksgiving together as a group."}, {"x": "oh, uh, that reminds me, i invited bob.", "y": "bob? you've been on, like, three dates with that guy. we haven't even met him."}, {"x": "well, he didn't have anywhere else to go, and i didn't know what to say. is it really that big a deal?", "y": "yes. this is our first thanksgiving. 30 years from now, we're going to look at the photos and say, \"oh, there's the four people i love most in the world... and bob.\""}, {"x": "that's not allowed. lily, you're the slap bet commissioner, is that allowed?", "y": "the hostess in me who's using her wedding china for the first time wants to say hell, no, but yeah, i 'm going to allow it."}, {"x": "unbelievable. robin is dating orville redenbacher.", "y": "what are you talking about? he's forty-one.he looks great."}, {"x": "nothing but respect for that man.", "y": "oh, by the way, we're all baking pies at robin's tomorrow. marshall can't be trusted in the apartment with pies overnight."}, {"x": "hey, uh, what time are you guys going to robin's?", "y": "730."}, {"x": "no, no. thank you, mr. president. sorry.", "y": "oh, marshall, are you working on the cranberry sauce?"}, {"x": "i yawned like a million times trying to get him to leave.", "y": "yeah, some people just can't take a hint. by the way, i'm really swamped in here."}, {"x": "i kept looking at the clock and sighing... totally clueless.", "y": "uh-huh. i'm not sure i have time to mash those potatoes, you're standing right next to."}, {"x": "and then ted does the thing that he always does when there's an awkward silence.", "y": "yep. masher's right there, next to the pot."}, {"x": "i'd already broken the ice with my cool pie fact. then he makes it ten times more awkward.", "y": "how do you respond to something like that?"}, {"x": "because he's a thousand years old.", "y": "no, ted! what are you doing?"}, {"x": "you guys slept together last night?", "y": "that is a terrible idea!"}, {"x": "relapse five! that's where we high-five, then it's awkward for a little bit... and then we high-five again!", "y": "what the hell were you doing? let's review you and ted broke up six months ago. you're dating another man..."}, {"x": "you are correct, sir.", "y": "...who's coming to my thanksgiving today..."}, {"x": "that is a truth-fact.", "y": "...an event ted is also attending."}, {"x": "kablammo.", "y": "why are you trying to destroy american thanksgiving?!"}, {"x": "oh, lily, it's not as bad as it sounds. bob and i aren't that serious, and what happened last night with ted was a fluke.", "y": "well, did you guys at least talk about it?"}, {"x": "oh, no! the slap-petizers.", "y": "you know what? that's it! this is thanksgiving. solve this right now. and if you have sex again, neither of you gets dessert! oh, what the hell kind of thanksgiving is this anyway?"}, {"x": "don't stress, baby. i'll try to find us something relaxing.", "y": "thanks, baby. ooh, some classical music, maybe."}, {"x": "but it's slapsgiving.", "y": "no! it's not! it's thanksgiving! our first one as a married couple, as grownups and you're not even trying to be a part of it! none of you are! so... as slap bet commissioner, i'm issuing a ruling. thanksgiving is a day of peace. there will be no slaps today!"}, {"x": "baby,please... -no!", "y": "the slap bet commissioner's word is final, so get in the kitchen and mash some potatoes, now. and for the rest of the day, we are going to enjoy a civilized, grownup holiday."}, {"x": "no, i just thought...before we eat, maybe the chef would like to say a few words.", "y": "nope. this sucks. eat up and leave."}, {"x": "major buzz-k*ll.", "y": "oh, no..."}, {"x": "hey, check it out! we're in the last 20 seconds of marshall's countdown to nothing.", "y": "barney, put it away."}, {"x": "ooh, classy touch, dude. too bad!", "y": "barney, put it away."}, {"x": "... five, four...", "y": "you can slap him."}, {"x": "say goodbye, kids, 'cause it won't be around much longer.", "y": "oh, but ted, if you get rid of the butterfly, how's everyone gonna know you're a stripper fron reno with daddy issues?"}, {"x": "yes, yes, enjoy these final moments of mockery because in just ten surprisingly expensive sessions, stella is gonna zap that butterfly right off the face of my lower back.", "y": "stella?"}, {"x": "if it's someone you see on a regular basis, and you can't avoid them...", "y": "and in this case, you're paying them... then yes, it counts."}, {"x": "do you guys know any good brunch places around here?", "y": "we love brunch!"}, {"x": "i know, i know but he used to play hockey, and i'm canadian. i can't help it. if he were missing some teeth, i probably would have already hit that.", "y": "robin, it's a mistake. remember what happened with me and marshall? the gerards across the hall?"}, {"x": "this is nyc.you don't get close to the neighbors. you nod at them politely in the hall. you call the cops if you haven't seen them in a while and you smell something funny, and that is it.", "y": "we're not gonna date them. we're just gonna be friends with them."}, {"x": "request denied! what rule is there that say's i can't seduce the waitress at my favorite bar?", "y": "i don't know. i'd expect you to have one already."}, {"x": "yeah, well, i think it'll be okay.", "y": "and it was a huge mistake."}, {"x": "guess we're ordering take-out.", "y": "want to have dinner with us tonight?"}, {"x": "damn it you guys, be psyched. yes, we see each other every day, but i think it's going really well.", "y": "that's what we thought."}, {"x": "we just go across the hall.", "y": "and say we want to have a dinner party exploring the wine and cuisine of france's loire valley."}, {"x": "we just go across the hall.", "y": "say we want to play a game of charades..."}, {"x": "you just go across the hall?", "y": "come on people, get excited for us! we've got a great thing going here."}, {"x": "don't k*ll the bar.", "y": "you're k*lling the bar."}, {"x": "it's fine.", "y": "but it wasn't."}, {"x": "we bought all the fixings for a mexican fiesta.", "y": "um, well, we actually have tickets..."}, {"x": "curt \"the iron man\" irons keeps leaving me love notes on post-its. on the teleprompter, on my desk, on the coffee-maker, on the jar of sugar packets next to the coffee-maker.", "y": "\"here's some sugar for my sugar.\""}, {"x": "yeah!", "y": "every time we step out the door, they're out there waiting for us. sometimes, we'll send ted out first as a scout. nobody's there. then we'll go out one second later, and there they are."}, {"x": "it's freakin' supernatural. are they ghosts? can only we see them?", "y": "\"hey neighbor!\" \"hey, neighbor\"\"hey neighbor.\""}, {"x": "don't k*ll the bar dude!", "y": "we said \"don't do it!\""}, {"x": "put a bell around my neck and scratch my belly kids, for i am just a docile housecat now. miaou!", "y": "well, we love this bar. you can't dump her. marry her if you have to."}, {"x": "we're pretending this works, but it doesn't. and i'm getting a little sick of the whole charade.", "y": "we're getting a little sick of charades."}, {"x": "and that's sports.", "y": "do you see anything?"}, {"x": "i think we're clear.", "y": "ok go go go."}, {"x": "that was close.", "y": "too close. you've got to be kidding me. what do we do?"}, {"x": "guys, are you here? i forgot my keys. can you open up?", "y": "it's just ted!"}, {"x": "baby, we only have one choice.", "y": "okay, hurry! michael and laura are probably..."}, {"x": "no, this rule comes from the american medical association. doctors aren't legally allowed to date their patients.", "y": "oh, sorry ted."}, {"x": "hey guys!", "y": "so what do you guys have going on tonight?"}, {"x": "wow, roger daltrey just rolled over in his grave. that's not the right guy, is it? he's not even dead, is he?", "y": "i think that's great, ted. you can do whatever you set your mind to. in fact, you've inspired me. i'm going to stop biting my nails."}, {"x": "but, baby, you love biting your nails.", "y": "i know, but i'm doing this for ted. hmm. god, this is really hard."}, {"x": "there's alcohol in here.", "y": "barney..."}, {"x": "i...", "y": "we've talked about this. it's a fire code violation."}, {"x": "yeah, but ted provoked me.", "y": "no, no, you are on a time-out. go sit over there."}, {"x": "but...", "y": "go!"}, {"x": "anyway... i don't get it. she should be into me by now.", "y": "you know, you can do this, ted. i said that i would stop biting my nails, and kablam-ey. it's just a challenge. it can't be easy to woo someone while you're sticking your naked butt in their face."}, {"x": "what is happening?", "y": "ted. you just got to be yourself, no more gimmicks."}, {"x": "this is awful. my-my tenth session is next week. i'm gonna ask her out, and she's gonna say the most demoralizing syllable in the english language... no. you know what? just forget it. i'm not even gonna ask her.", "y": "no, you have to. she likes you. she said so herself. i mean..."}, {"x": "oh, my god, you went and saw her, too.", "y": "i swear to you, i did not."}, {"x": "big board equals big luck!", "y": "hey, that looks familiar, where did you get it?"}, {"x": "and you get to keep the duffel bag.", "y": "why do you guys put yourselves through this? you lose every year."}, {"x": "i didn't know they were playing today.", "y": "you okay, barney?"}, {"x": "single, recently single, recently divorced, lesbian who will let me watch.", "y": "you could not be more evil."}, {"x": "weird, right? yeah. the same thing happened last week at the museum.", "y": "ooh, ooh, ooh!"}, {"x": "lily.", "y": "you pretend to be a struggling young artist who needs a new muse."}, {"x": "why does this keep happening?", "y": "maybe you're not as good a liar as you think you are."}, {"x": "alan alda. it was alan alda.", "y": "you never gonna believe what just happened."}, {"x": "who was that, um, guy from mash? the main guy. what...? hawkeye from mash. how can i be blanking on this?", "y": "alan alda?"}, {"x": "oh, my god. where is she?", "y": "she must have left. she..."}, {"x": "well, she-she said i hooked up with her? what was her name? what did she look like?", "y": "she didn't say her name, but she had blonde hair, boobs. kind of trashy."}, {"x": "dead in the eyes with an aura of self-loathing and despair?", "y": "yes!"}, {"x": "some woman that i slept with and screwed over is trying to ruin my life. god, why is this happening to me?", "y": "it's karma."}, {"x": "this is a scrapbook of all of the women i've slept with. i made it at the scrapbook barn on 7th. ask for heloise. tell her i sent you. what do you think, lil? you recognize the saboteur?", "y": "i don't know, barney. i only saw her face."}, {"x": "all of them, but only about half buy a copy on the way out.", "y": "oh, barney, you're never gonna figure out which one of these is the mystery woman. all of these women have a right to hate you."}, {"x": "absolutely. and what i do with these women should be between me and them. and you guys. and heloise. she helped me do the decoupage.", "y": "i don't know, barney. i don't recognize any of these women. i mean, some minor celebrities, one government official, and what appears to be a national fast food chain mascot."}, {"x": "the top 64 women i've slept with, split into four regions. this tournament will systematically narrow down which girl has the most cause to hate my guts. last girl standing has to be the saboteur.", "y": "absolutely not, barney. we are not going to make a game out of the women you've tricked into sleeping with you. no way!"}, {"x": "jorge posada!", "y": "she bought yankees season tickets to watch him play!"}, {"x": "it's \"dead wife's kidney.\" how are we even discussing this?", "y": "fake baby!"}, {"x": "oh! i can't decide. it could be any one of them.", "y": "is that the blackboard from my classroom?"}, {"x": "okay. then this is as far as we get. the final four. it's got to be meg, anna, kate or holly. we are gonna track these girls down, and you're going to tell me which one approached you at the bar.", "y": "you guys stole my blackboard!"}, {"x": "okay, there's her building. when she comes out, i'm gonna hide, and once you figure out if she's the girl from the bar, we run like hell.", "y": "no."}, {"x": "what do you mean \"no\"?", "y": "that woman, like every woman in your final four, deserves an apology, and i'm not telling you if she's the one until hear you say, \"i'm sorry.\""}, {"x": "are you nuts? that would involve me speaking to a woman i've already had sex with, which, frankly, is a little t like changing the oil in a rental car.", "y": "barney, you're doing this."}, {"x": "lily, this girl hates me. i hooked up with her in an apartment i was pretending was my own, told her i loved her, and then ditched her there. she got arrested for trespassing, bit a cop, and spent eight days in jail. oh, crap, there she is! if she sees me, she's gonna k*ll me!", "y": "okay, here's what we're gonna do. hey, meg! over here! look who it is! yo old friend meg barney! barney?"}, {"x": "oh, my god! i love you, too!", "y": "no! what's the matter with you? get off of him! look, she's not the one, but you still owe her an apol..."}, {"x": "so you remember who this one is, right?", "y": "yes. you told her you were ted and that you were an architect."}, {"x": "right, and if you recall, her computer had a web cam and a t-1 line, so i...", "y": "yeah, i know, barney, you showed me. and that still doesn't count as a christmas present. so go over there and apologize."}, {"x": "ah, there she is.", "y": "ooh and she's holding hot coffee. maybe she'll throw it in your face."}, {"x": "you're really enjoying this, aren't you?", "y": "i'm making a scrapbook."}, {"x": "you're right, i do deserve that. that's all i came here to say. you know what? i don't care who knows about it. excuse me. excuse me. i, ted mosby, am a jerk to women. tell your sisters. tell your daughters to stay away! ted-mosby-is-a-jerk-dot-com.", "y": "okay, which one is this again?"}, {"x": "die!", "y": "smile."}, {"x": "you look good. have you lost weight?", "y": "that is the worst thing you've ever done. that's the worst thing anyone has ever done."}, {"x": "but in my defense, she was kind of annoying.", "y": "she's gonna k*ll you."}, {"x": "barney? you're the barney who ditched her in the woods?", "y": "so you're not mad at barney? don't you want an apology? an admission of guilt? your truck back?"}, {"x": "fourth of july? we started dating in june.", "y": "we ruined their lives. and the worst part of it is that you didn't apologize to any of those women."}, {"x": "i don't even recognize her. i don't remember you. i've spent the last two days trying to remember every girl that i've slept with and all the horrible things that i have done to them. and i have done some horrible things. i mean, at one point, i'm pretty sure i sold a woman. i didn't speak the language, but i shook a guy's hand, he gave me the keys to a mercedes, and i left her there. i'm the guy who keeps a scrapbook of all of the women i have slept with, but i never thought i was the guy who would sleep with a girl and not even remember her. so from the bottom of my heart, for whatever i did to you, i apologize.", "y": "oh, barney! oh, i'm so proud of you. that's not her. i'm so sorry."}, {"x": "so i apologized for nothing?", "y": "yes, but it was a great apology. and a perfect way to end my scrapbook. i'm going to call this photo \"barney's redemption.\" could you stop giving me the finger?"}, {"x": "i call that i can call things!", "y": "hey, baby."}, {"x": "beer.", "y": "are you okay?"}, {"x": "he screamed at me.", "y": "oh, baby, i'm so sorry."}, {"x": "i got screamed at three times today. once in korean. this is corporate america, marshall. screaming is a motivational tool, like christmas bonuses or sexual harassment. it's just good business.", "y": "oh, baby, it's just not fair. you've been working so hard. late nights, weekends. i never see you. we've barely made love in weeks. it's bad, guys, mama needs her sugar."}, {"x": "i felt absolutely powerless. flaccid... hell, i... i felt castrated.", "y": "god, you're hot right now."}, {"x": "i don't scream at lily.", "y": "and i don't scream at my kids, none of whom have parents who work at marshall's firm."}, {"x": "lily, i need your take on this. what... what should i do?", "y": "well, what i teach my kids in kindergarten..."}, {"x": "oh, god.", "y": "...when dealing with a bully, the most important thing is to be constructive and positive."}, {"x": "hello, marshall.", "y": "i have the ninja report right here. but arthur, in the future, if you want someone to do their best work, try to motivate them, not with fear and intimidation, but through encouragement, inspiration and respect."}, {"x": "well said, marshall, i needed to hear that. by the way, i saw your wife's picture in your office. that is one tasty slice.", "y": "oh, you're damn right. you know what i'm gonna do when i get home?"}, {"x": "oh, yeah.", "y": "i'm gonna rip that girl's clothes off..."}, {"x": "that's it.", "y": "...just throw her on the bed..."}, {"x": "that's where she belongs.", "y": "...and drive her home like a pack of sled dogs!"}, {"x": "you're right, baby, it's about respect. that is the first useful thing anyone's said to me tonight. can you give me that speech again?", "y": "i'm gonna drive her home like a pack of..."}, {"x": "no, the other part, please.", "y": "i have the ninja report right here, but..."}, {"x": "i love you, too.", "y": "wow, you two are already saying the \"l\" word, huh?"}, {"x": "apparently.", "y": "you hitting that?"}, {"x": "i'm so sorry. i just lost it. but i can fix it. first thing tomorrow, i'm gonna go in there on my hands and knees and beg for my job back.", "y": "no, you're not."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "marshall, our future isn't money or an apartment. and it's definitely not you being miserable at that horrible job. i'm just happy to have my husband back. we'll figure the rest out."}, {"x": "i love you.", "y": "i love you, too."}, {"x": "i know, right, isn't that amazing? i spent half an hour making these happen. its tape in there, cotton balls, half of a nerf football, but it works, right?", "y": "totally. what's the occasion?"}, {"x": "sounds to me like he gave you your first \"o, canada!\" face.", "y": "wait, wait. did he break up with you and tell you he's just not that inuit?"}, {"x": "i'm getting back together with louise marsh.", "y": "louise marsh?! that's a whore's name if i ever heard one."}, {"x": "and now he's coming here? robin, why do you want to see this guy?", "y": "oh! i know why. you're gonna win, aren't you?"}, {"x": "um, he never became a rock star.", "y": "point robin."}, {"x": "the thing is, we gave you so many opportunities.", "y": "so, simon, robin's a bit of a local celebrity here in new york. she's the lead anchor at metro news one. tell him, robin."}, {"x": "another kid just went; now you've got a pile-up and robin's got something to report on the news. this just in my friend, ted, just k*lled a bunch of kids today.", "y": "well, that's cool. you got to pay the bills somehow since your whole music thing didn't really pan out, did it?"}, {"x": "oh, my friend, you are in for a treat. hey, lil?", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "you know, i was just thinking, we haven't seen your friend michelle in a while.", "y": "oh, yeah. i'll give her a call, see if she wants to hang out."}, {"x": "i got a second chance.", "y": "what happened?"}, {"x": "i just feel like there's some unfinished business between you and me. seeing you now... has made me realize that breaking up with you is the biggest mistake i made in my entire life.", "y": "he asked you out?! oh, step into my web, simon."}, {"x": "wait. you're going on a date with simon? that simon?the one we met?", "y": "robin, this guy doesn't deserve a second chance. not after the way he treated you."}, {"x": "that was ten years ago. people evolve. i mean, are you the same person that you were in high school?", "y": "oh, hell, no!"}, {"x": "i think you're gonna enjoy this.", "y": "that my girl michelle?"}, {"x": "bitch, you know it!", "y": "how she livin'?"}, {"x": "she living only way she know how to. large!", "y": "oh, girl, you gots to get your drink on up in here."}, {"x": "i'm hoping my big ass can hustle me up a vodka-gatorade.", "y": "for reals."}, {"x": "robin, your revertigo is really starting to affect your work.", "y": "what's revertigo?"}, {"x": "no. it's a phenomenon where, when you're around people from your past, you start behaving like them.", "y": "oh. one example of that springs to mind. i think we all know what it is."}, {"x": "you do?", "y": "yeah. ted."}, {"x": "me?", "y": "whenever ted's friend punchy comes into town, it's like, all of a sudden, ted's in high school again."}, {"x": "i can't believe you, of all people, are saying this.", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "okay, you want the truth? yeah. i like simon. i do. we have fun together.", "y": "oh, we know you do, honey, but we're worried about you."}, {"x": "you're worried? okay, hold on. is there any version of this conversation where you guys don't sound like my parents?", "y": "i don't know. is there any version where you don't sound like a 16-year-old?"}, {"x": "that's exactly what my mom would say.", "y": "no. if i was your mom, i woulsay, \"we forbid you from seeing this boy.\""}, {"x": "lily!", "y": "no, i'm sorry, but it's for your own good."}, {"x": "yeah, like, a billion years ago.", "y": "you've been drinking, haven't you?"}, {"x": "yeah, we all have. you bought the last round.", "y": "you're not going to that show tonight!"}, {"x": "oh, yes, i am, and you know what else? tonight, after the show, simon and i are going all the way.", "y": "young lady, get back here! thanks for your help."}, {"x": "i'm fine, really.", "y": "oh, robin, i'm gonna tell you for real. simon's a dawg. you feel me, chelle?"}, {"x": "mm-hmm, for reals. he a scrub.", "y": "mm. true dat. i'ma get me my champagne and grape soda on."}, {"x": "yeah, and when i hit it, i'm going to go nuts.", "y": "it's gonna be all night, and i think i want a clown there. i'm a little bit scared of clowns, but for you, i'm there."}, {"x": "hey, if i wanted a psychological evaluation, i'd hire the guy we pay to hint notize us before depositions. now, get cracking!", "y": "and with a little luck, in a few days, farmer frank's cold will be all gone. and that's why farmer frank's breath smells like medicine. right, farmer frank?"}, {"x": "you got it, toots.", "y": "any last questions for farmer frank? yes."}, {"x": "ms. aldrin, please don't let emem eat missy.", "y": "i know, i know. i already called an animal rescue, and they're going to come get her on monday."}, {"x": "monday?! where's she going to sleep and eat and go to the bathroom?! okay, where's she going to sleep and eat?", "y": "i-i guess i'll keep her up on the roof."}, {"x": "well, i guess that's just a chance you're gonna have to take.", "y": "hey, where are you?"}, {"x": "i'm in the limo, right outside of ted's office.", "y": "great. well, everyone's here. stella just arrived and there is something here so awesome, i'm not going to tell you what it is, but you won't believe..."}, {"x": "goat in a party hat?", "y": "damn it! well, you still gotta see it. it's so much fun having a goat at a party!"}, {"x": "uh, gotta go. here he comes.", "y": "okay. bye."}, {"x": "whoa, you guys went all out.", "y": "okay, everyone, ted's in the limo, five-minute warning! everyone get ready! oh, missy, are you excit?? yes, you are!"}, {"x": "where are they?! i'm getting a cramp.", "y": "marshall, can we keep the goat?"}, {"x": "no.", "y": "but she's so cute and furry and soft."}, {"x": "yeah, and she also sheds, eats out of the garbage and can't control her bobowels.", "y": "why don't we just call duluth mental hospital and say my uncle linus can live with us?"}, {"x": "yeah, lily, that may seem like a good idea after a couple of drinks but tomorrow morning you're going to want this thing out of your house.", "y": "oh, you should talk.you slept with barney."}, {"x": "i'm sorry! i couldn't take it anymore.", "y": "i can't believe you did that. that's so gross. was it amazing?"}, {"x": "what? i... lily, i really don't want to talk about this.", "y": "i know but it's barney. it's just hard not to be curious. did he have like devices and stuff?"}, {"x": "lily,come on.", "y": "hot wax?"}, {"x": "stop it.", "y": "did he tie you to anything?"}, {"x": "that's enough. what's wrong with you?", "y": "i'm sorry. is he all smooth down there?"}, {"x": "goodbye barney.", "y": "so are you two back together?"}, {"x": "let me ask you something ted. why are you so much madder at barney than me?", "y": "yeah! she had just as much sex with barney as barney had with her."}, {"x": "i'm not mad at anybody. i've forgiven you. and i've outgrown barney as a friend. it's that's simple.", "y": "i will tell you why he is not mad. because he is so happy with stella."}, {"x": "i know, i was in the top bunk. also sat next to you at football games.", "y": "so what you guys waiting for?"}, {"x": "wait, so you haven't had sex since like thanksgiving. do you know how many big federal holidays have come and gone since then.", "y": "oh baby, do you remember martin luther king day?"}, {"x": "wow. stella hasn't had sex since 2003. let's just put this in context. the last time stella had sex, the movie, seabiscuit, had just galloped into the theaters... and our hearts.", "y": "five years! god, if i even went one year, i would be out on the street selling it for a nickel."}, {"x": "in my defense, they were staring at me.", "y": "so what does this mean for you? is she ever wanna want to get intimate?"}, {"x": "it's a lot of pressure, isn't it?", "y": "you know what? it's not. this woman needs it bad. anything you do is going to be fireworks. i remember my longest drought..."}, {"x": "hey, guys.", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "yeah. definitly. it's been such a long time since i've had a night out.", "y": "yeah. we heard. i would explode if it had been that long since i had a \"night out\"."}, {"x": "um, what are you guys talking about?", "y": "nothing. pizza. what are you talking about?"}, {"x": "riiiggghhhttt!!!", "y": "a rainbow! that's beautiful! what a beautiful rainbow! another rainbow? it's beautiful!"}, {"x": "hey, how was your day?", "y": "today, i yelled at a little girl for painting a rainbow."}, {"x": "so, uh, i just met with the contractor. and it turns out, that fixing the floors of the new apartment is going to cost a lot more than the estimate.", "y": "but we can barely afford that to begin with."}, {"x": "i hate to say this, but i think you're going to have to sell your stuff.", "y": "whoa! marshall, that's just a game we play in the bedroom."}, {"x": "i mean your clothes. all those designer pieces and everything.", "y": "what? why just my clothes?"}, {"x": "i'm not selling that. i've already made the website.", "y": "you made a website?"}, {"x": "yeah, it's called \"lily-and-marshall-sell- their-stuff-dot-com.\"", "y": "no, you know what would be a better name for the site? guy-forces-his-wife- to-dress-in-a-garbage-bag- for-the-next- three-years-dot-com. that's real."}, {"x": "i'm worried. that woman is actually wearing a-a garbage bag.", "y": "hmm, but, girlfriend, you cannot pull off a tall kitchen."}, {"x": "\"the good, the bad, and the fabulous.\"", "y": "\"the magnificent kevin.\""}, {"x": "\"no country for straight men.\"", "y": "i don't want to sell my clothes!"}, {"x": "lily,listen, we really need the money. i have some leads on a job, but until then, i just... i don't know what else we can do.", "y": "i'll sell my paintings!"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "yeah, i'll sell my paintings. good oil paintings go for like, $500."}, {"x": "...that kind of money only goes for real paintings.", "y": "what does that mean?"}, {"x": "look, it just, it just means that-that we need money right now and i'm not sure that selling your paintings is-is how we're going to get it.", "y": "you don't believe in me."}, {"x": "no, wait, wait! of c... of course i believe in you!", "y": "marshall, i am proud of my work as an artist. my paintings are good. i bet robin would buy one. what now?"}, {"x": "i love your painting, i just... i'm trying to be realistic.", "y": "well, how much money do we need for the contractor to finish the job?"}, {"x": "about 1,500 bucks.", "y": "okay. so, if i can sell three of my paintings at 500 bucks a pop, then i get to keep all my clothes."}, {"x": "babe, we need money fast.", "y": "well, give me a week."}, {"x": "okay, a-a week.", "y": "fine."}, {"x": "i love it.", "y": "you do?"}, {"x": "yeah, your top. it's gorgeous. is that 100% silk?", "y": "it's not for sale! my clothes are not for sale!"}, {"x": "you're thinking of having sex with ted?", "y": "painting for sale! $500! lifelong dream hanging in the balance! it's like they don't even see us."}, {"x": "yeah, we're dirt to them. what do you need money for?", "y": "oh, i'm trying to fix the hardwood floors in my new apartment. you?"}, {"x": "heroin.", "y": "do you like heroin?"}, {"x": "love it. in fact, if you sell that, i'm going to take your money and go buy some more heroin.", "y": "thanks for your honesty, crazy sock guy. oh, i'm never gonna sell this..."}, {"x": "2 oh, my god!", "y": "500 bucks! who's a real painter now, marshall?"}, {"x": "honey, i never said you weren't a real painter.", "y": "oh, i know, sweetie. and since i'm a professional artist now, i'm going to sketch you an aldrin original, you know, to say thanks for being such a supportive husband. i'm thinking about calling it... \"suck it!\""}, {"x": "lily, come on. i'm proud of you. who-who bought it?", "y": "well, that's the best part. a gay couple without kids. a g-cwok!"}, {"x": "you bagged a g-cwok?!", "y": "yeah, that's right. they are the heart and soul of the art-buying community."}, {"x": "you know what you should do? you should call up the g-cwoks and offer them a free painting if they throw a private art party for all their g-cwok friends.", "y": "that's an amazing idea. i'm going to go call them. i can probably sell two more paintings with time to spare. oh, wait, marshall. there was something i had to tell you. what was it? oh, that's right. suck it."}, {"x": "totally committed to the bit.", "y": "yes, lily aldrin. i sold you the painting earlier today."}, {"x": "oh, honey, hello.", "y": "you sound happy."}, {"x": "are you kidding? we're popping the champagne right now.", "y": "well, i just wanted to offer you an exclusive chance to view some of my other paintings."}, {"x": "oh, honey, oh, sweetie, oh, i guess i should have told you. we just bought that for the frame.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "yeah, it's an original anton kreutzer, a very rare frame from the turn of the century.", "y": "so... y-you didn't like my painting?"}, {"x": "oh, honey, oh, sweetie, no, not at all. but you know, good for you.", "y": "okay. well, if you didn't want the painting, can i... can i at least get it back?"}, {"x": "yeah, no, we don't have it anymore.", "y": "where is it? i see. h-he threw out my painting."}, {"x": "champagne for everyone on me, the happiest guy in the world.", "y": "this is great. my dream of becoming an artist is dead, and now i'm watching my wardrobe disappear piece by piece. there goes my favorite dress. this dress meant a lot to me."}, {"x": "really?", "y": "yeah. it was spring of 2004 and i had been having a hard few months."}, {"x": "a two-syllable \"damn.\" that's the dream.", "y": "yeah. now she belongs to... canadagirmetronewsone.com."}, {"x": "lily, you're not going to believe this. something amazing happened.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "i went to the g-cwok's apartment.", "y": "really? why?"}, {"x": "and more importantly, i honestly love that painting and i couldn't stand to think of it in a trashcan someplace.", "y": "well, what happened?"}, {"x": "talk about a nice frame. my, my, you are a big one, aren't you? and you're married to that little bit of a thing. how does that work? i'd like to find out.", "y": "yeah, we get it. gay guys like you."}, {"x": "g-cwok-approved.", "y": "the painting!"}, {"x": "right, so, um, they told me they threw it in the building's dumpster.", "y": "dr. greer? who's dr. greer a-and why did he take my painting?"}, {"x": "i had to make a trash run. been a busy day-- lots of neuterings.", "y": "ooh, we don't need the details."}, {"x": "something about your art speaks to the canine sensibility on a very primal level.", "y": "really? dogs like my paintings?"}, {"x": "anyway, because your first painting worked so well, i convinced dr. greer to buy four more.", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "mm-hmm, at $500 a piece.", "y": "that's two grand. that's more than we need for the contractor."}, {"x": "yeah, but i was actually thinking we could reinvest it.", "y": "in what?"}, {"x": "in you.", "y": "well, it's not exactly the clientele i had in mind, but... thank you for believing in me."}, {"x": "\"bogeyman with a teleprompter.\" that's hilarious! great joke, robin, great joke.", "y": "barney, no offense to robin, but that wasn't that funny."}, {"x": "are you kidding? that was a great joke. it's smart, funny, beautiful, the whole package. it's everything you're afraid to let yourself want. in a joke. \"bogeyman with a teleprompter.\" classic.", "y": "okay, what is so urgent that you called me and begged me to come over at 722 in the morning?"}, {"x": "i could tell you knew something was up with me, and you're right. but i can't tell you what it is. i should tell you, but i can't! i have to. i never will! i'm going to. let's just drop it. what's up with you?", "y": "barney, just say it."}, {"x": "beautiful.", "y": "i don't believe it. i thought you called me over here to uncuff you from your sex swing again, but you're in love? that is so sweet!"}, {"x": "it's not \"sweet.\" it's like a disease. i slept with robin one time and i caught feelings. i caught feelings bad. i used protection and everything.", "y": "barney, you don't \"catch\" feelings, you just have them. and they're good."}, {"x": "i'll have a whole life time to get to know her better. right now, i know the one thing that i have to that i love her.", "y": "you love her? barney, how can you be in love, and still be sleeping with anything that moves?"}, {"x": "i'm sorry, i don't follow you. that's like saying, \"how can an ant carry \"20 times its body weight, but root beer floats are still delicious?\" are the two even related? really?", "y": "barney, you're going to have to stop screwing around if you want to be robin's boyfriend."}, {"x": "\"boyfriend\"? i don't want to be robin's boyfriend.", "y": "well, what do you want, then?"}, {"x": "i don't know. i just want to be with her. all the time. i want to hear about her day and tell her about mine. i want to hold her hand and smell her hair. but i don't want to be her stupid boyfriend.", "y": "barney, what you just described is a relationship between a boyfriend and a girlfriend. and a pretty clingy one at that."}, {"x": "look, lily, are you going to help me out with this or not?", "y": "i'm a kindergarten teacher. i see a confused, little kid in the corner trying to eat the lefty scissors, i gotta help the poor, little bastard. but only if you stop sleeping around. deal?"}, {"x": "slut.", "y": "robin just needs to see this new see of you."}, {"x": "so just call her up?", "y": "just call her up."}, {"x": "hi, robin. she wasn't there. i left a voice mail.", "y": "you left a voice, but it wasn't male. barney, i don't get it. you've called a million girls a million times."}, {"x": "but the later it gets, the fewer words you need.", "y": "a question mark? you got laid off a question mark?"}, {"x": "it's no worse than your super-obvious code words.", "y": "rhinoceros."}, {"x": "help me!", "y": "just ask her something."}, {"x": "fine.", "y": "something personal."}, {"x": "look, barney, i'm at work right now.", "y": "just ask her out."}, {"x": "where are the boys? i thought this was a group thing.", "y": "i lied. they're not coming and i'm about to leave."}, {"x": "why?", "y": "because... they're not in love with robin, and neither am i. i mean, she's great and sweet. i'm not going to pretend that i haven't noticed her body, but this is off topic. good luck."}, {"x": "wait, wait, i can't do this. she'll never take me seriously. she thinks i'm some womanizing idiot.", "y": "we both know you're more than that. show robin the barney i met the other day."}, {"x": "you mean the insecure, touchy-feely she-male who sounded alarmingly close to ted?", "y": "ted hit that for over a year."}, {"x": "our company just bought them out in a ruthless takeover. took two months. cost 2,000 jobs. it was brutal. who wants a t-shirt? hey, marshall, they're hiring in the legal department. i could get you a job.", "y": "barney, marshall didn't quit his last soul-sucking corporate job just to go work at a bank. he's gonna be an environmental lawyer."}, {"x": "wait. what about sushi?", "y": "we had sushi last night."}, {"x": "sweet! you shouldn't have. that's so kind of you.", "y": "my god. this burger is so good. it's like christmas in my mouth, meat christmas."}, {"x": "where do you think it was?", "y": "probably tucked between her legs."}, {"x": "i cannot believe we're finally gonna have this burger", "y": "honey, i'm so excited for you. after all these interviews, after all these disappointments, you deserve a triumphant mouth full of meat."}, {"x": "you know what else is a mouthful? all that double-talk other banks give you. at goliath, customer satisfaction is our most important investment.", "y": "barney, i hate to break this to you, but working for a bank's kind of lame."}, {"x": "oh my god. i'm never brushing my teeth again unless it's with a toothbrush made from this burger.", "y": "i think i just had my first burg-asm."}, {"x": "just a burger? it's so much more than just a burger. i mean, that first bite... oh, what heaven that first bite is. the bun, like a sesame-freckled breast of an angel, resting gently on the ketchup and mustard below. flavors mingling in a seductive \"pas de deux\". and then... a pickle the most... playful... little pickle, and then a slice of tomato, a leaf of lettuce, and a... a patty... of ground beef, so... exquisite...swirling in your mouth, breaking apart and combining again in a fugue of sweets and savories so... delightful. this is no mere sandwich of grilled meat and toasted bread. this is god... speaking to us through food.", "y": "and you got our wedding vows off the internet."}, {"x": "i'm going to go out on a limb here and say this isn't just about a burger.", "y": "marshall's not doing so well, guys. he really needs to get a job."}, {"x": "what about the underpants?", "y": "it started a couple of weeks ago."}, {"x": "hey!", "y": "did you put on pants today?"}, {"x": "nope. they laugh.", "y": "it was funny at first, but then it became a daily thing. i thought, \"okay, well, at least he's not leaving the house like that.\" then, one day, he opened the door to get the paper. day after that, went downstairs to get the mail."}, {"x": "you know, lil, when times are tough, i like to remember the uplifting words of my favourite song. he starts singing. \"we'll be on your side when you need a friend. through thick and thin you can always depend. on the world leaders in credit and banking. goliath national bank.\" member fdic.", "y": "we've got to find marshall that burger."}, {"x": "i'm not eating that burger.", "y": "no, if marshall says this isn't the burger, this isn't it."}, {"x": "finally.", "y": "excuse me. did you guys change cooks or something? because my husband was here 5 years ago, he's sure he had a different burger. robin is trying to take the plate."}, {"x": "what the...", "y": "this is your fault, you and your stupid bank. you did this."}, {"x": "it's not my... stop, okay. she hits his knee. stop that, lily.", "y": "i will never use a goliath atm ever again. goliath national bank sucks. it's the worst bank on the face of the earth. attention, new yorkers, this bank sucks! they suck!"}, {"x": "marshall, geez.", "y": "they suck, suck!"}, {"x": "will you just tell her already?", "y": "tell me what? tell me what?"}, {"x": "i got a job.", "y": "what? where?"}, {"x": "well, technically not together. you won't have access to my floor.", "y": "but you want to be an environmental lawyer."}, {"x": "yeah and i also want to be a harlem globetrotter and get paid in candy, but in the meantime, i need a job, and this is, this is a really good one. it's great pay and there's good benefits, and to be honest, it gives me a reason to put on pants in the morning. you know, i have my whole life to save the planet, but right now i'm kind of really excited to wear pants again.", "y": "you've got great pants."}, {"x": "i love you.", "y": "i love you."}, {"x": "give it!", "y": "i'm sorry you didn't get your burger."}, {"x": "let's pay the man.", "y": "i paid for the cab."}, {"x": "i think it'll work.", "y": "i hope not."}, {"x": "i have not the time to explain. i must return to reality accelerator before the vortex closes. only you can save us, cindy. i must go!", "y": "well, the movers arrive in 14 hours. we have to go back to finish the boxes."}, {"x": "not me. the key? discard tips and not looking back. i go to japan. it took me half an hour.", "y": "a half hour?"}, {"x": "why not?", "y": "oh, dear. that's what the guys know that after moving in with a woman. all your stuff are idiots."}, {"x": "like what?", "y": "like everything else you bought the medieval festivals."}, {"x": "i'll give you the teeth of happiness. a little here, a little there.", "y": "give me the stick."}, {"x": "get out, bouseuse.", "y": "let's go!"}, {"x": "i'm really proud that we have helped stewart.", "y": "yes, what a moment of incredible human sincerity."}, {"x": "you're going to seriously continue to wear this hat?", "y": "yes, it's been two weeks."}, {"x": "two wonderful weeks... and oh yes, i will continue to wear it.", "y": "this is an intervention."}, {"x": "\"dear marshall, i do not like that stupid hat. i want to cut with a scythe. or, cut the chisel, for you looks like a real jerk. \"", "y": "oh my god. this is one of p'tain of pleasant surprise. this is about what?"}, {"x": "this is about the exaggerated english accent.", "y": "p'tain."}, {"x": "self tanner? they entice you with a coupon, and after it becomes addictive.", "y": "we know, darling, you know. this is a brand new vest."}, {"x": "the magic tricks.", "y": "specifically, those with fire."}, {"x": "the magic tricks? guys, interventions are meant to help people, not to address every aspect you do not like.sorry, but it warms me. it makes me boil! i mean, i am filled with a burning rage! thanks! oh, sh*t.", "y": "it smells like hair!"}, {"x": "and the flag was b*rned. why new? and there are letters from you all, with \"ted\" written on it. you prepare a response for me?", "y": "well, that was stupid. yes, forget it."}, {"x": "we want him. we are all really happy for you.", "y": "like i said, it was stupid."}, {"x": "i want to hear the other letters.", "y": "this is ridiculous. it changed his mind."}, {"x": "and if you changed yet? go lily, listen to yours.", "y": "\"the capabilities of gilbert reading have improved considerably... \"this is a letter i had to give one of my students."}, {"x": "of course not. it's not like what you said was nonsense.you you were worried.", "y": "but concerns that a completely expelled."}, {"x": "my collection of james bond. you know, we looked at them in order, and... lily spoke with this weird english accent, until the next month?", "y": "it was sophisticated."}, {"x": "i unpack. i never leave this apartment.", "y": "ted, stop unpacking. you're in the process of pinball."}, {"x": "31 years.", "y": "ted going bonkers. the movers arrive in 10 hours. his bride awaits in new jersey. we must do something."}, {"x": "you can not do that to lily. your new apartment a few problems with the floor not right and the sewage treatment plant next door, but you will make a great home. tell her, lily.", "y": "this is the black hole where dreams go to die. i move it, either."}, {"x": "come on.", "y": "guys, finish unpacking. i will bake cookies to fill r2-plump."}, {"x": "my god, what a band of cowards! frightened by the slightest change. terrified by all that is new. desperate to cling to your comfort zone. i can not go to japan. what was i thinking? it's so far. i speak the language. i have not even good pictures of you.", "y": "oh, honey."}, {"x": "i am moving to new jersey.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "wendy, you can take a picture?", "y": "so if we continued the evening up there?"}, {"x": "hi.", "y": "hi. how are you?"}, {"x": "you know, you dream of the perfect wedding since you been little girl.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "new objective our marriage is to kick the ass of hers.our marriage is to take the head of his, press it down the toilet and flush 20 times.", "y": "ted, in high school, his marriage was you, right?"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "no \"you not married, ted?\" no \"you're making a big mistake, ted?\" have you stopped the fight against marriage?"}, {"x": "no, i recognize a lost cause, when i see it. that's why i'm not recycle. in addition, ted getting married, it is my interest. you know...", "y": "so you come back to robin."}, {"x": "let's hope. this weekend is my best chance to start with it.", "y": "you'll never there. too many opportunities. the first bridesmaid drunk, you'll have your head under the dress as a photographer of yesteryear."}, {"x": "lily, kidding. i want to look cutesy and romantic, but this weekend, robin will be the only girl that i will draw.", "y": "it's not really the place i imagined for the wedding of ted."}, {"x": "i know about you, but i will not namaster here too long.", "y": "honey, will see the dirty hippie to the reservation there, we, we'll take to drink."}, {"x": "there's no meat.", "y": "there's no alcohol."}, {"x": "that's true, this is my best friend. girl friend. my best friend girl.", "y": "i do not care, why do such."}, {"x": "aldrin justice, the last word.", "y": "ok, this would be weird without robin. but not contradict the bride."}, {"x": "ok, robin arrives. you know, i'm fine. the former should be able to go to weddings. i'll tell stella to do with.", "y": "you should be more delicate with stella about robin."}, {"x": "what do you mean by \"delicate\"?", "y": "the brides are very stressed before a wedding. well, of course, i was under control."}, {"x": "after a while, is that the waffle.", "y": "poor stella must be the crazy one month in three days."}, {"x": "what do i do?", "y": "you wait for the next crisis, the rules you, you're a hero.after, you dealt with on about robin, but this time she will say yes."}, {"x": "and if there is no other crises?", "y": "this is a bride. there will be another crisis."}, {"x": "there is a new crisis.", "y": "great! what is it?"}, {"x": "bring her.", "y": "you'll never get there."}, {"x": "i will not do, huh?", "y": "no chance."}, {"x": "it's funny when i think about it. i was sure that stella was good. when she left me, i was so devastated. but you helped me overcome that. now the hard part is over. i came out a little louder. you know, i do not think further of it. this is the work of time, i guess.", "y": "ted, the wedding was yesterday. it's been 24 hours."}, {"x": "assumption. he is not pretending to be happy. ted is really happy. he did not want to marry from the start. ted had the best train dodge since stand by me well, not the first kid, but others.", "y": "no, it is a mess."}, {"x": "it gauze?", "y": "a mess. and one must be there for him."}, {"x": "what do you want for dinner?", "y": "oh, the farm. i'm sorry, is that you have experienced something traumatic, and we try to be there for you, but do not you leave us, and it irritates us, selfish little whore. sorry."}, {"x": "i should have been worse, ok? i should have my nerves, follow your advice and burn cases lily.", "y": "super. thank you, ted."}, {"x": "stack between his office and dry cleaner. sorry.", "y": "well, the meatloaf charlie?"}, {"x": "a reference card i made. a guide to places where you can meet stella zinman. the red areas to avoid. white ok.blue the sea", "y": "this is ridiculous."}, {"x": "the sea is blue.", "y": "you can not live like this."}, {"x": "no, 'on', it is the people of the great state of ohio. when life is hard, we take the pain and bury us. and if the pain goes, is buried pain over another. why cope when you can avoid?all i have to do is to never see her again, and i will have a long happy life. so who wants to eat?", "y": "someone told me of a tapas bar located in the white zone."}, {"x": "well done, lily. this place looks cool. that you talked about?", "y": "i actually remember it. oh oh!"}, {"x": "what?", "y": "i remember."}, {"x": "oh, you laugh.", "y": "he is serious?"}, {"x": "will the yelling.", "y": "you're maybe ohio, but you live in new york now. we do not bury our emotions in new york. we take our emotions and they are sent to the other side!"}, {"x": "let me go. you'd do the same if you were in this situation.", "y": "i dream! there's not one person on earth to which i would hide under a table."}, {"x": "really, not one? not even... gazeur?", "y": "how dare you pronounce this name to me?"}, {"x": "who is gazeur?", "y": "this is the last person i would like to see here. michael purifier. this is a guy i was in high school."}, {"x": "you did what?", "y": "are you kidding? it was the third. i had a choice."}, {"x": "it was not me. that was it.", "y": "of course purifier. or rather gazeur. gazeur!"}, {"x": "i'm in the team baseball. i'm cool.", "y": "the gazeur nickname stuck. he had so much ridicule, he had to change schools."}, {"x": "the kids are great.", "y": "it made me always feel guilty. but if gazeur... michael...came now, as hard as it may be, i would go to gazeur...michael... and i should settle things between us."}, {"x": "bedford hills federal penitentiary.", "y": "that's not true?"}, {"x": "really?", "y": "who is it?"}, {"x": "boy, this sure is another table. what are we talking?", "y": "from robin's father."}, {"x": "i have not spoken to him in 3 years and i want to start now.", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "you know when you're a kid, you give the terms of hockey at all? the blue line is the kiss, the red is to be naked, and i think that \"crease\" speaks for itself. after that, my relationship with my father has cooled. i moved with my mother, let my hair grow, was a canadian pop star. young normal stuff.", "y": "you do not think you'd feel better if you talked to him?"}, {"x": "bluntly.", "y": "you're gonna say what?"}, {"x": "in the name of all that is sacred...", "y": "wait, wait! where it goes? his taxi has missed the exit for the lincoln tunnel."}, {"x": "lets get out, man, let out.", "y": "she stops."}, {"x": "i have ants in my leg!", "y": "ok, wait. wait..."}, {"x": "what are you doing?", "y": "wait. listen, ted, it's great that you're angry..."}, {"x": "sure.", "y": "... and that you face all that, but... you only have one chance. take a moment and think about what you will say."}, {"x": "from cold blood.", "y": "okay, tell him that."}, {"x": "absolutely not.", "y": "are you kidding? i have hated as soon as i saw them. so they are cannon. in fact, i've hated almost as much as robin when i've ever known."}, {"x": "you hate me?", "y": "a max."}, {"x": "i know. the last one is kinda cute.", "y": "yeah, really cute."}, {"x": "it's a girl i plugged in a few weeks ago. it is not certain.she sees the doctor tomorrow.", "y": "that may be a false alarm. it is perhaps not pregnant."}, {"x": "that's my little plug!", "y": "so if you have a baby, you think you can work less?"}, {"x": "no matter, it will be so cute, i'm going to exhaust the first day.", "y": "and for the money? it has a ton of debt."}, {"x": "we count the unpaid bills on her pretty little fingers.let's make a baby.", "y": "now?"}, {"x": "are not you aware? i am a presenter on cnn. and i have made gold a terrace overlooking central park. get out of your ass's head, marshall.", "y": "robin, would you mind not sleeping with ted tomorrow night? i... prepares a special dinner for marshall."}, {"x": "yes, in china. this is a teleconference with the chinese.i count on you.", "y": "marshall?"}, {"x": "baby. it's lunchtime in china.", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "it's not a euphemism. listen... wait, what does that mean?", "y": "i know, hot bread, spicy pork? stuff like that. you come not tonight, right? you shake your head for \"no\"? that's what i thought."}, {"x": "are you okay? you looked upset on the phone.", "y": "marshall and i, we took the decision to have a great...dinner. and i thought i was ready for a... dinner. but he called to cancel, and it got me thinking. is it too early for us to make a... dinner?"}, {"x": "i had lunch early, so i can eat.", "y": "dinner, it's a baby!"}, {"x": "lily, it's horrible!", "y": "no, i need you to clarify a situation for me."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "are we ready, marshall and me to have a baby? so, are we ready to have a baby or not?"}, {"x": "a lot of things in the helmet of the space of 50 years who serves as its head.", "y": "marshall is really excited. but i think he sees only the good sides of it."}, {"x": "thank you for the invitation. it's been a while since i have not told an adult. well, except my husband. but \"for you to change\" and \"make him be silent,\" it's not really count as conversation. sorry, i ramble. it's been 7 months that i have not kissed. that's it, i start! lack of sleep! wait, i cry there, though?it happens to me often. i will not complain. here, i feel bad!that's my little plug! i love you so much!", "y": "i will be as carbon copy charlotte. worse. at least, her husband works at home. well, he deale of sh*t, but it is a caring father."}, {"x": "marshall is a very good father.", "y": "marshall is always at work, and i'm afraid to hit all the work if we have one now."}, {"x": "i think it's just realistic.", "y": "well, that's perfect. that's why i called you. ted, you're for children. robin, you're against. councillors, please proceed."}, {"x": "of course for you, it is natural, you're practically already a father.", "y": "you're a father too."}, {"x": "hello, lori, me, this is ted. i will be your customer tonight.before leaving, tell me. what is a k*ller in a wheat field? no index.", "y": "she's right. perhaps you're single and childless, but you're really a redneck dad."}, {"x": "because at the non-fathers day, you have a thai girl you a blowjob. tope, puns!", "y": "it puts you in the mash, then. your only hope is to be negative."}, {"x": "but you're not like that. you like children too.", "y": "yes, i'm lovely, beautiful and brilliant, but it's enough?"}, {"x": "it comes down to one word \"you\". are you ready to put your dreams in the background? back in college, taught art at the university? you have to concentrate on the project before starting lily baby project. otherwise, you'll regret it forever.and it would be good neither for you nor for the baby. what is it?", "y": "the sock jeremy. i will make a baby."}, {"x": "well, and everything i said?", "y": "but sock."}, {"x": "and marshall who works all the time?", "y": "but sock."}, {"x": "but but lily project!", "y": "with small fish."}, {"x": "i do not either.", "y": "put a baby in me, marshall. i'm ready."}, {"x": "what are you doing here?", "y": "i'm ready. this is the big night. removing your seed melon-headed in my belly."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "come on, come on. make me a baby. i'm ready. hey, look. the types of the other building make me cuckoo. hello, gentlemen! we will make a baby!"}, {"x": "i can not find my file.", "y": "i'm all out of \"a\" to \"g\"."}, {"x": "thank you, ted. i have some ideas, so it will be one week, two large max.", "y": "i'm bored. come and dance. come fly a liquor store!"}, {"x": "i smell pancakes with chocolate?", "y": "no, you feel \"pancake, i'm sorry for being such a stupid drunk\" chocolate."}, {"x": "there's no \"i wish not to throw up on you\" bacon?", "y": "of course."}, {"x": "baby...", "y": "i blame myself for last night. i was really painful. i just panicked at the thought of whether we are ready to parent. but you are so well taken care of me. i know you're gonna be a good father."}, {"x": "i want to be a father now.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "last night, it was just... i share between work and drunk baby lily, it was too. i just begin with this job, i work long hours... i love you. and i really want to have children one day.i just want... i want to be ready for that.", "y": "me too. when we're ready, i know you'll be fantastic."}, {"x": "you too.", "y": "you wanna make love, by protecting themselves now?"}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "you want to finish your bacon first?"}, {"x": "so, it seems that marshall has to work late on friday.you know what that means, party girls.", "y": "well, a teacher at my school, jillian, a birthday. what?"}, {"x": "it's just that... i have never heard of this before jillian, and suddenly, it's your best friend. you do not stop talking about her.", "y": "do not be jealous. we hang out together all the time."}, {"x": "yeah, but marshall is still there. there was not much time to talk, just us two.", "y": "this is false."}, {"x": "i wish we had time for girls. i love marshall, but i am not free to express myself.", "y": "come with me and jillian, then."}, {"x": "no one.", "y": "pretentious."}, {"x": "your friend has a birthday here? she has what, 19?", "y": "no. believe me, it's not his style. she must not know what kind of place this is."}, {"x": "wooo!", "y": "oh, my god. at school, she is so calm and normal. i thought it was not... a woo."}, {"x": "wooo!", "y": "i swear, at school, jillian is not so woo."}, {"x": "you too, my ****** s.", "y": "no thank you... drag ignorant."}, {"x": "lily aldrin, little secretive. for years, i say that our g*ng needs a woo, and thou hast hid me in a whole herd.", "y": "you do not need a woo. nobody needs it."}, {"x": "attention lily. the world badly needs the woos. if there were not woos, there would not girls gone wild, no bachelor party girl, no pool bar in las vegas... all the things you hold dear would not exist.", "y": "none of this stuff..."}, {"x": "it's been what?", "y": "ted did not get the job. but this is not the biggest disappointment of the day."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "you were seen to woo."}, {"x": "given that, do woo?", "y": "you who did woo?"}, {"x": "i have not done woo.", "y": "oh, yes."}, {"x": "that's not true.", "y": "your nose is growing. you've become best friends with jillian now?"}, {"x": "it's just... you're married, i'm still single. whenever i'm with you, i'm usually the 3rd wheel. sometimes it's nice to go out with other singles and doing stuff you do not.", "y": "like what?"}, {"x": "as to woo, lily. as to woo.", "y": "i can woo."}, {"x": "that's not true.", "y": "but if."}, {"x": "wooo!", "y": "wooo!"}, {"x": "what are you doing here?", "y": "the same things are funny as singles."}, {"x": "that's what the fireman's helmet?", "y": "i had no cowboy hat, and it was the day of fire safety at school... my god, ***** s. this is our theme."}, {"x": "really? who sings that?", "y": "ll cool j stuff always comes out?"}, {"x": "wooo!", "y": "you are a bunch of prostitutes. you must have stds."}, {"x": "lily, it does not work. you should not be there.", "y": "i get it. because i am happily married, i'm a schmuck?"}, {"x": "on the contrary. why do you think the woo woos have to when they win a drinking game? or when a guy takes off his g*n t-shirt? because that's all that life brings. these are...people really sad. and when she go out with someone who has it all, someone like you, it's disappointing. it takes them woo.", "y": "you say that to make me feel not like an old married."}, {"x": "wooo!", "y": "the poor girls... and ted. i want to give them a hug."}, {"x": "right now i am like them. i have no job, no boyfriend, i'm confused. so... occasionally, i need to woo, but when i need to talk about something concrete, it is to you i turn. you're my best friend.", "y": "and you, mine. and i promise to dedicate ourselves more time. marshall did not need to paste something from being done."}, {"x": "you have tested those purple sh*ts in test tubes? i took five. i believe that there is no alcohol in it.", "y": "where did you get that hat?"}, {"x": "well, it appears our sweet, innocent little robin has taken a lover. a young blade by the name of mitch.", "y": "her blind date? total bust. she\u2019s been sending me text messages all night."}, {"x": "oh, come on. there is no way that\u2019s gonna work on robin. she\u2019s gonna walk in there, take one look at that idiont and send him packing.", "y": "yeah, she might kick his ass first."}, {"x": "\"the naked man\" works! this is gonna revolutionize the one-night stand. this is like the forward pass in football. the slam dunk in basketball. the haircutting technique where they hold it between their fingers, and cut right above it. it\u2019s a total game changer!", "y": "barney, this guy has slept with robin, who you claim to be in love with. how can you be excited about this?"}, {"x": "lily, the naked man is bigger than me and robin. all these years, i have been busting my hump, with my secret identities, and my tricks and my gadgets. i mean, i\u2019m like batman. but this mitch fellow, he\u2019s superman. he just rips off his clothes and he\u2019s good to go.", "y": "what kind of gadgets are we talking about?"}, {"x": "yeah, marshall\u2019s a big girl because he believes in true love and just finished reading \u201cthe notebook\u201d because the secretaries bullied him into joining oprah\u2019s book club. fine! but you know i\u2019m right.", "y": "marshall, i love you, but there\u2019s lots of reasons to have sex."}, {"x": "name one.", "y": "i can name 50."}, {"x": "no, you can\u2019t.", "y": "number one, last thursday."}, {"x": "you befouled our marital bed because you couldn\u2019t get to sleep.", "y": "you\u2019re the one who said, \"that shadow on the ceiling looks like a scary toothless clown. good night, lily.\u201d"}, {"x": "fine! that\u2019s one. but i defy you to name\u2026", "y": "i\u2019m gonna name 50. there\u2019s make-up sex, break-up sex, and your-friend-just-told-you-about-a-new-position-sex."}, {"x": "oh. no, no, robin, i just have a bad cough.  i don\u2019t really have a bad cough. we all know college roommate means you, slut! does anyone have a lozenge?", "y": "uh-uh, i\u2019ve got one. nothing-good-on-television sex."}, {"x": "curiosity, as in, i\u2019ve always wondered what it\u2019s like to have sex with a really tall girl. not a big girl, just a tall girl. like, if a normal girl were seven, seven-and-a-half-feet tall, and wore a denim miniskirt. i would have to know what that is like.", "y": "okay."}, {"x": "he-said-he-loved-you-but-you\u2019re-not-ready-to-say-it-back-yet sex.", "y": "43."}, {"x": "wingman diving on the friend grenade.", "y": "44."}, {"x": "the condoms are about to expire.", "y": "45. wow! this is getting a little hard."}, {"x": "46!", "y": "ok. four more to go! oh, you dropped a cheeto on his lap, and when you reached for it, he thought you were making a move, so you just went with it."}, {"x": "well, thank you for ruining the memory of our six-month anniversary!", "y": "you got me cheetos."}, {"x": "look, can we just stop with this stupid list, okay? you guys are making me sad.", "y": "no, i\u2019m having fun. man, this whole one-partner thing sucks sometimes. i\u2019m always talking about you. i can\u2019t play \u201ci never\u201d because then everyone would know all the weird stuff i let you do to me."}, {"x": "mitch, hey, baby, it\u2019s me. robin. do you wanna grab some dinner tonight? because you're basically my boyfriend!", "y": "i'm stuck. i can\u2019t think of the last two."}, {"x": "you just wanna do it to change the subject.", "y": "yeah. hey, that\u2019s number 49. did it work?"}, {"x": "it\u2019s like i just flossed.", "y": "i love you."}, {"x": "that\u2019s 50.", "y": "oh, yeah."}, {"x": "nice! what pose did you go with?", "y": "i went with \u201ci\u2019ve got boobs.\u201d"}, {"x": "apparently, our sweet, innocent, little robin led a lover. a young skinny named mitch.", "y": "his thing arranged? a real disaster. she sent me text messages all night. she just let go to use the bathroom."}, {"x": "seriously. no chance it works on robin. it will come, take a look at this idiot and send tampers.", "y": "she'll b*at him up, yes."}, {"x": "\"the naked guy\" works! it will revolutionize the blows of an evening! it's like the forward pass in american football.dunk the basketball. this stuff barber where they hold the wick and cut above. it changes everything!", "y": "barney, this guy has slept with robin, you say that being in love. how it makes you excited?"}, {"x": "\"the naked guy\" is more important than me and robin. all these years, i broke my ass, with my secret identity, my laps and my gadgets. i mean, i'm batman. but this guy is superman. he tears his clothes and go.", "y": "what kind of gadgets you talking about?"}, {"x": "because he was naked. sorry, but i disagree. there is only one reason to sleep with someone, and it is \"love\".marshall is a big girl because he believes in love and read \"and it was true\" because the secretaries were forced to join the oprah book club. but you know i'm right.", "y": "marshall, i love you, but there are plenty of reasons to lie."}, {"x": "cite me one.", "y": "i will quote 50."}, {"x": "you could not.", "y": "number one last thursday."}, {"x": "you have defiled the marital bed because you could not sleep?", "y": "it was you who said, \"this shadow on the ceiling, it looks an awful clown toothless. good night, lily. \""}, {"x": "okay! it makes one. but i dare you to...", "y": "i'll give you 50. there's sex reconciliation... breaking sex, and sex \"a friend told you about a new position.\""}, {"x": "no, robin, it's just a bad cough. i'm not really a bad cough. we all know that the \"roommate in college,\" it's you, ***** s! nobody has a strepsil?", "y": "oh, i have one. sex \"bugger all on tv.\""}, {"x": "sex, \"he says he loves you, but do not want to say the same.\"", "y": "43."}, {"x": "\"the co-pilot who jumps on the grenade to a friend.\"", "y": "44."}, {"x": "\"condoms will expire.\"", "y": "45. it gets a little tough."}, {"x": "46!", "y": "still 4. \"you make a crisp fall on his knees and the when you picked up, he thinks it is an approach, and it happens.\""}, {"x": "thanks for ruining the memory of the anniversary of our six months.", "y": "you gave me some chips."}, {"x": "you can stop with this stupid list? you make me sad.", "y": "no, i have fun. but this thing of a \"partner\", it sucks sometimes. i always talk about you. i can not play \"i never,\" because everyone knows all the quirks that i let you do."}, {"x": "i really like... this girl, but... i had not seen from behind. i really like... this girl. and i am willing to compromise our future for a night of glory. \"dude naked\"!", "y": "i'm stuck. i find it the last 2."}, {"x": "you just want to do to change the subject.", "y": "hey, it's 49! it worked?"}, {"x": "as if i had just flossing.", "y": "i love you."}, {"x": "pretty! what made you ask?", "y": "it's \"i have breasts.\""}, {"x": "what?", "y": "there's a girl there in a sweater wrap. he does not listen to a word they say. hein, barney?"}, {"x": "what's going on?", "y": "barney, you wanna go and get my stuff does not marshall?"}, {"x": "let's go, i take care of that.", "y": "damn, there goes."}, {"x": "we should go.", "y": "i can not believe that we have this discussion. ted, you're 30, you're too old to act like that."}, {"x": "i'm going.", "y": "no!"}, {"x": "break cocoa. ok, it's time to fight.", "y": "ted, do not do that, you're a good guy. this is your greatest quality."}, {"x": "tips to captain the football team because he gave you his ring and you were so cute in your evening gown?", "y": "i'm sorry."}, {"x": "i hate them! they behave like guys the most virile of the universe, as crocodile dundee and david hasselhoff.", "y": "it's the guys the most virile of the universe?"}, {"x": "i know why they are given all the attention. in fact, it's me, the real hero.", "y": "yeah, it's you."}, {"x": "i'm serious, woman. put it in your pants.", "y": "you're the man every boy should be and every girl should marry. you know what? i have two boys under way that will not stop fighting. if you come to school tomorrow to tell them your story of choice of the path of nonviolence, it could put them right. and avoid me getting up early to prepare lessons."}, {"x": "explain what? how you have me stabbed in the back just under my eyes?", "y": "robin, i'm afraid."}, {"x": "yeah, doug sees someone?", "y": "you visit? you really should."}, {"x": "a fight was not a good idea, actually. and that's my story.", "y": "and what did you learn?"}, {"x": "i learned that it is not right to fight and must never do.", "y": "questions?"}, {"x": "marshall looks like. he lost weight?", "y": "s *****, do not even think about."}, {"x": "my sister's plane arrived an hour ago, or would like a meteorologist, hurricane between heather on lands.", "y": "go. it's not like that."}, {"x": "that's the history of heather. it has been six years and three high schools for his baccalaureate. she took the opportunity to ruin two cars, being married for five days, and spent nine weeks in a tree only to find that no one intended to k*ll him. and there, heather said she moved to new york.", "y": "great news."}, {"x": "and?", "y": "since that time heather happening in new york, ted has never left the barney show."}, {"x": "how did you know that heather was coming?", "y": "do not tell me anything! you know i can not keep secrets if it's almost christmas! robin offers you an ipod!"}, {"x": "it's not a good idea. heather and barney alone in his office? and i do not want to be guarantor for the lease.", "y": "it ripens, just as you see it yet."}, {"x": "it is about a girl who got caught for stealing, eight months ago.", "y": "ted, many women have a period kleptomaniac. and yes, maybe sometimes they happen to mow a small object because it excites them in a strange way they are not explained. but... if it reassures you, i will accompany them to gnb, tomorrow. i will say that i'm going to lunch with marshall, but in fact i espionnerai."}, {"x": "it suits me. good luck tomorrow at the gnb. i'm sure you will impress them.", "y": "and i espionnerai. and sh*t!"}, {"x": "yes. you got the job yet. must push the door, not pull.and that's it. thank you for having watched yesterday. maybe i was wrong. she seems to have been able to manage with barney. it will perhaps manage new york.", "y": "not enough!"}, {"x": "why?", "y": "i have a secret. no! it has not happened. it happened something."}, {"x": "it's been what?", "y": "nothing. after the interview heather, i went to see marshall one time, when i came back..."}, {"x": "before you say or do something, give me a favor.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "move away. it's a prada.", "y": "i'm really sorry."}, {"x": "i knew it. i've always known. it remained the same trail irresponsible. and when i see barney...", "y": "you will say nothing. ted, heather begged me not to tell you. she hate me if she knows that i sneaked."}, {"x": "and how!", "y": "you see? she has not bought the briefcase! it is responsible! and no chance that she slept with someone here.she turns the page."}, {"x": "i think your prospects are good for gnb. u you have shown me that you can take any position.", "y": "this is the new coasters?"}, {"x": "i hope you get the job. nothing makes me happier than to fill an opening.", "y": "i swear, these coasters are thicker."}, {"x": "you've sneaked?", "y": "you know what? it's a new batch of old coasters. i will confirm with the bartender."}, {"x": "no, certainly not. reminds me of a bargain between three parties where no one would discuss a certain event happened. an event... persuasion. this key, madam, this is my silence. good day to you both.", "y": "you slept together?"}, {"x": "we talked and we realized we had some difficult months.it deserves a little fun.", "y": "no. it could ruin your friendship. when two former try the \"right opportunity\", someone always ends in pain."}, {"x": "so, i am responsible for... excellent. excellent.excellent. the next tour is for me!", "y": "are you okay?"}, {"x": "yes. why you ask?", "y": "for one thing, you cry openly."}, {"x": "from joy. i am so happy for them.", "y": "barney, admit it. you always have feelings for robin and it tortures you."}, {"x": "i'm going quite well. excuse me just a minute. i'm going quite well.", "y": "you must learn to express your feelings. perhaps you should see a psychiatrist."}, {"x": "wait. if i pay a woman $ 200 an hour to feel better, it will not discuss. and there will be both on the couch. the woman in my scenario, she is a prost*tute. dirty, vulgar, all redone, from eastern europe...", "y": "i entered."}, {"x": "it is not even discuss it if marshall could read a magazine at work.", "y": "it was always like that. you remember, in law?"}, {"x": "baby? what has he?", "y": "the bank statement arrived today. you have booked a hotel two blocks from your school, a tuesday."}, {"x": "that's not what you think.", "y": "it's that, marshall? what's her name?"}, {"x": "i take the crt.", "y": "barney, it's crazy."}, {"x": "i'm fine, thank you.", "y": "no, it's wrong. you must learn to get it out. as we did in my kindergarten class. \"the time for emotions\", every tuesday morning."}, {"x": "it was weird. bizarre, weird, weird. b-i-r-a-z-r-e.bizarre.", "y": "that's not how it is written."}, {"x": "come on, lily. do not your ted.", "y": "i warned you. when ex relapse, ultimately, it hurts someone. but nobody is listening. this is the story of my life.my nice face that prevents people listen to my message."}, {"x": "seriously!", "y": "what is your problem?"}, {"x": "and i went with a bang. why did i do that? it comes perhaps my father issues, but... basically, i allowed my best friend to sleep with the girl of my dreams. i completely sabotaged. and now, i smoke. i smoke.", "y": "get out of here."}, {"x": "but it's time and emotions i emotive, bears sharing.whoever emotive, bear's shares, can sit on the chair of the division.", "y": "barney, you're not at your therapist. these children also have their problems, you know. ben's parents divorced."}, {"x": "really?", "y": "who wants to do the coloring?"}, {"x": "actually, no!", "y": "i do not either. i was hoping that you find."}, {"x": "knowing your wife, she'll still bring you back a pack.", "y": "marshall?"}, {"x": "i'm going to the airport. how could i be so stupid? of course it takes me back a pack!", "y": "but this time, i'm not back pack. because... when it matures, the relationship matures with us."}, {"x": "where is my beer?", "y": "it was said not this time."}, {"x": "a pack and a size that suits me. come on, new lily.", "y": "i drink beer."}, {"x": "there should be a bar.", "y": "you? great! i'm coming. ranjit?"}, {"x": "one moment, lily. if you get off the plane, which is marshall? and the pack of beer?", "y": "that's the problem. i must be brunivers in east meadow in one hour."}, {"x": "in the car!", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "two eggs, a cheese pizza and steamed vegetables.", "y": "a little bread, chicken, celery sticks and a spoon of peanut butter. we f*ck like rabbits?"}, {"x": "bti... too much information.", "y": "you know what i miss? the call for lunch."}, {"x": "i do not think less. although i must warn you that there seems to be a surplus on my side.", "y": "no, i love you even more."}, {"x": "what i miss most is the kiss of midnight new year", "y": "it was new year's tradition but you know what we did this year?"}, {"x": "kiss like rabbits?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "nothing to be done. i will not sit here and insult me.we're not going to the airport. we go. it's been what?", "y": "it was earlier called for the drink of seattle."}, {"x": "you did well to call. i was close. it's the perfect storm outside. it was only in 2009, when the storm of the century, it is perhaps a little premature. let the storm of the year. even if one is in january.", "y": "it is rather a hurry, so we'll take the beer."}, {"x": "thank you.", "y": "we're not a couple."}, {"x": "god thank you. it would have been weird. here it is.\"supersonic tonic\".", "y": "no. it is a drum. i want a six pack."}, {"x": "that's all i have.", "y": "you take the barrel."}, {"x": "what? no. the last time i had one in the car, i ended up removing the dried vomit on the seat with a kn*fe.", "y": "sorry, ranjit, but it is a ritual, and i back this beer. if you could put it in the car. i'll give you $ 50."}, {"x": "a muffin, a pastrami sandwich, and chips. i know that lunch is over, but i love you. i love you lily, more and more each day. happy new year. that means i have to bring a band at the airport now?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "yes, i went for 4 months.", "y": "you got more fans than i thought."}, {"x": "hi.", "y": "how was the audition?"}, {"x": "mine \"from all of us in barney's apartment, get out.\"", "y": "you do not let these b*tches destabilize you, right?"}, {"x": "my god.", "y": "dr. x? you always talk to dr. x?"}, {"x": "his identity is still secret.", "y": "it was ted."}, {"x": "it was ted.", "y": "the show was zero."}, {"x": "i received lots of letters for my story on the menus of r*cist school.", "y": "how do you receive mail if someone knows where you are, moron?"}, {"x": "the postmark date of two months. my god.", "y": "what has he?"}, {"x": "no. we will not let them. one of us will help you find.", "y": "yes, i'm sure i can find you something at school."}, {"x": "bine sure if. finally, i could... until there is little.", "y": "until the injury."}, {"x": "it's tendonitis of the iliopsoas.", "y": "wow, it's scary."}, {"x": "iliopsoas tendinitis. it's a basketball injury. finally, nothing incredible.", "y": "the dancer's hip, marshall's a* dancer."}, {"x": "well, go ahead, feel free to me.", "y": "come on, guys. it did not hurt while dancing."}, {"x": "thank you, lily.", "y": "obviously, the stirrups were too far apart during his last visit to the gynecologist."}, {"x": "you know you stand next to a horse. impressive.", "y": "barney, i do not understand. you doing anything in these clips."}, {"x": "no, it would be... you listen? all my life i have dared to go beyond the possible. until the impossible? in fact, beyond that... where the possible and the impossible meet to become... the possimpossible.", "y": "the possimpossible? oh yeah?"}, {"x": "impossible.", "y": "barney, it was ridiculous and foolish."}, {"x": "make me one.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "let's start.", "y": "honey. you're always sorry for the joke of the dancer?they joked. we all know that this is a basketball injury."}, {"x": "yes, absolutely. i have something to say.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "i dance more than you think.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "i dance... more than you think.", "y": "i do not know how to answer that."}, {"x": "relationality, this is mine.", "y": "how many dances are we talking about?"}, {"x": "i know. i think... i would say... average.", "y": "why do you dance much, and i do not know why?"}, {"x": "i do that when i'm alone. when something good happens, and i'm excited and move, and i... i dunno, i want to talk about it.", "y": "you hurt the hip like that?"}, {"x": "it was perfect!", "y": "you know what? the two geniuses are going to remove that crap on their cv. you're not dr. x, and you can not do the dunk. forget."}, {"x": "marshall and i are the only ones here with sh*t on our resume?", "y": "what are you insinuating?"}, {"x": "i know! does july 4, 1995 does remind you of anything?", "y": "a species of bastard."}, {"x": "what it's related to your job as mistress?", "y": "it teaches kids... i can eat a lot of hot dogs very quickly."}, {"x": "yes, but you can not!", "y": "you can dunk over, hip cardboard!"}, {"x": "guys!", "y": "i think so."}, {"x": "they want you even more. so they increased their offer by 10%. congratulations. looks like you'll have to stay.", "y": "you're not going to dance?"}, {"x": "no, i must go.", "y": "seriously? they are blond and stuffed. this is not your type?"}, {"x": "maybe i did not like. my god, you think that the male spirit is really so simple, we all have a favorite type? lord.asian, big tits. i go to the bathroom, then i'm going.", "y": "you noticed that barney is weird lately?"}, {"x": "actually, yes. you know, he never gives flowers to a girl, because living things remind babies?", "y": "yes."}, {"x": "i thought he was talking to a girl he just wanted to jump. or ted, but now i know more.", "y": "you think it is possible that barney stinson has a girlfriend?"}, {"x": "a plus.", "y": "wait. where are you going?"}, {"x": "what are you doing here?", "y": "where is she?"}, {"x": "who?", "y": "your girlfriend. you did not really like, huh?"}, {"x": "mom!", "y": "so that's what we hide you? you did not want people to know that you're a momma's boy."}, {"x": "and then my mother went better. it was miraculous.but i had to keep \"betty\" and make a casting to find my son, tyler.", "y": "it's crazy. did you actually cast your own son?"}, {"x": "you see? this is amateur work. believe me, the child stars had better possession in the 80s.", "y": "it sounds like your mother kept your child's room as you had left."}, {"x": "karate kid's a great movie. this is the story of a young karate enthusiast whose dreams led him to karate championship all star valley. unfortunately, he loses in the final against another loser. but he learned an important lesson in accepting his defeat.", "y": "wait. when you watch karate kid, you are the wicked little blonde?"}, {"x": "that's it. neither do i.", "y": "i can not believe that there has never met you. who knew that barney's mother was so great?"}, {"x": "yeah, i was rather a drag.", "y": "i'm sorry?"}, {"x": "i do not feel well to the idea of lying to a woman so warm, ok? it reminds me of my mother. what?", "y": "warm? remember to marriage, i said we would be together forever? on our return down the aisle, your mother leaned over and said, \"not forever, darling. marshall will go to heaven. \""}, {"x": "she was joking.", "y": "she hates me, marshall. but that's okay, because...forget."}, {"x": "you're going to say what?", "y": "nothing. you want to go do it again in the bedroom of barney?"}, {"x": "the handles are great. listen, lily, if you learned something today, is that honesty is important in a family.whatever your feelings about my mother, we've been together for 12 years, baby. i think i can handle it.", "y": "really? i hate your mother."}, {"x": "so i go out raging in the garden, and... candles everywhere... and a string quartet. you come to believe?", "y": "no, not at all."}, {"x": "what's wrong with you? how do i explain this to my mother?", "y": "it may be time to tell him the truth."}, {"x": "i'll try.", "y": "and i just wanted to say, if i was never cold or distant, i'm sorry."}, {"x": "my mother.", "y": "it mean a lot to me if we could be closer."}, {"x": "breathe loudly as if the result would be hard to say. i love you.", "y": "i love you..."}, {"x": "mom...", "y": "... mom."}, {"x": "do like i was nice.", "y": "do like i was nice. i mean, it's really nice of you, judy.you too. see you soon."}, {"x": "it was not that bad.", "y": "of course, for you. you had it turned into a zombie of andouille."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "you pass me the salt?"}, {"x": "i know... you was ironic. me too... i'm ironic.", "y": "let's go! what?"}, {"x": "so, karen in new york. bizarre, no?", "y": "you can not get back with karen."}, {"x": "it is not the worst, no. that would be the fourth worst.1 super volcano. 2 an asteroid falls to earth. 3 any record of evel knievel is lost. 4 ted called karen. 5 lily is eaten by a shark.", "y": "my name is lily and i approve this order. you know the story. ted and karen had a rocky relationship in college. it always happened like this. they were having fun, being obnoxious until one day..."}, {"x": "i broke up with karen.", "y": "they hated it!"}, {"x": "ok, ok. interesting information it is already done.", "y": "are you kidding!"}, {"x": "the pants!", "y": "i can not believe that thou hast called. why do not you invite him to lunch as you're at it?"}, {"x": "because i will not invite him to lunch... again.", "y": "you have to lunch?"}, {"x": "good question, there are four reasons for a \"meal ex '.1 they want to get back together.", "y": "as my high school boyfriend, scooter."}, {"x": "this is super funny! i forgot your humor.", "y": "it is this server?"}, {"x": "i'd do that, of course... if he had not already occurred.", "y": "robin, i will have to borrow the butt of your g*n."}, {"x": "i still lost. you come to believe?", "y": "how can you break bread with this chick?"}, {"x": "you must embrace strangely.", "y": "what has happened?"}, {"x": "so...", "y": "ted, darling. go outside and bite the curb. i arrive in 1 minute."}, {"x": "i forgot my pants.", "y": "what do you mean you forgot your pants?"}, {"x": "i forgot. you have a bringest me.", "y": "and the spare."}, {"x": "last thursday, the mustard? you have a goldfish memory.", "y": "ted, you're not going out so easily. while the history of pants is fun..."}, {"x": "fun? rather, very fun.", "y": "that's nothing compared to this crazy thing with karen.ends."}, {"x": "that's all. it was just a kiss in a restaurant.", "y": "why do you say \"the restaurant\"? you've embraced elsewhere?"}, {"x": "how could you?", "y": "marshall forgot his pants today, and yet you are the stupidest in this table."}, {"x": "lily, let's be honest. we know both your motives. you hate karen because she lingered.", "y": "assh*le."}, {"x": "what do you mean by linger?", "y": "february 5,... in 1998. i painted..."}, {"x": "why paint naked?", "y": "he had eaten my fruit bowl. the fact is that karen is a dirty pervert, you can not bring into our lives."}, {"x": "lily, what are you doing here?", "y": "i just give something to marshall."}, {"x": "he \"give\" something. understood. nice.", "y": "but i'm in a hurry. i can give it to you?"}, {"x": "of course, yes.", "y": "and you give him?"}, {"x": "wait. i do not know. yours had better be really good.", "y": "what are you talking?"}, {"x": "what about you?", "y": "marshall forgot his pants, so i brought him one."}, {"x": "he forgot his pants. good thing you came because today it has an important meeting, and it would be embarrassing and not at all funny if it were to show no pants. i will make sure he has.", "y": "awesome. thank you."}, {"x": "what has happened to karen?", "y": "i'll finish for you. ted left without saying anything, and karen got exactly what she wanted."}, {"x": "i do not know what it is, this shrew. okay, she has boobs, but... in fact, i see.", "y": "that's because he met her in high school. this is his first girlfriend."}, {"x": "it's almost 2am. i must work.", "y": "how can they call it a \"daily\"? 4h, it's still the middle of the night. you impressed me."}, {"x": "you're the best.", "y": "we want to encourage you."}, {"x": "30, marshall, lily and barney are in the lounge.", "y": "i just want to sleep!"}, {"x": "we should not celebrate. ted has just been dumped.tell us everything, everything that happened. seriously, do not forget any details. she said what? you, you said what? how you going? if you had to redo it from start, perhaps you...?", "y": "how did that happen?"}, {"x": "what a story. what courage to share it with us.", "y": "wait. that's your pajamas? you sleep in pajamas suit?"}, {"x": "it's not an anecdote, it's a p*rn.", "y": "this is not \"a\" skin flick, it's the scene... forget it."}, {"x": "i know. i live with marshall for 12 years. every time i put something, it's a victory.", "y": "ted, it will start!"}, {"x": "i swear, if you tell me the truth on the field...", "y": "wait! marshall did nothing. it's me. i made you break."}, {"x": "you made me break with karen? are you sick? what right did you do that?", "y": "i did it for your own good. you do not see how it was horrible. she failed the test of the porch."}, {"x": "what is this test?", "y": "you, me and marshall are friends since college. imagine how they account for one another. so when i look to the future, i see us all together. when will retirees, sipping tea on the porch of our house, playing bridge all day."}, {"x": "you know not to play bridge, eh?", "y": "it will take over."}, {"x": "it's important to stay active.", "y": "so whenever you go out with someone for a while, i take the test of the porch. how that person will fit over the years?and when i think of karen..."}, {"x": "i'm coming with you.", "y": "karen has failed the test of the porch. she had to leave."}, {"x": "i can not believe you did that.", "y": "do you like is great, you, me and marshall. really, think about it."}, {"x": "it's pretty awesome.", "y": "it is really great! so for that you will marry, one that will join the team g\u00e9niale, the bar is very high. i say that i did well, but..."}, {"x": "two it's sexy.", "y": "i confirm. you can uncross your legs?"}, {"x": "i have to stand still to avoid offending my pajama suit.but at least i do not wear a dress.", "y": "so you're really angry?"}, {"x": "i know. i mean, i guess if you get all this for karen, then it may be better.", "y": "i'm really sorry. i hated to do it again, but karen had to leave."}, {"x": "\"redo\"? how many times you made me break with my girlfriends?", "y": "never! six."}, {"x": "like who?", "y": "no one! angie. in the second year. she used you to get revenge on her ex, and you will not see it, so..."}, {"x": "who else?", "y": "do you remember this strange girl who wanted you to marry him after two months? you loved him in trouble, but you thought there anyway, so..."}, {"x": "that was you? it's crazy!", "y": "ted, i did it to help you. you're addicted to the commitment. you fell in love with these women, even if they do not deserve you."}, {"x": "and if one of them was to be the mother of my children?", "y": "if there was any chance, i swear, i would have done anything. as victoria or stella."}, {"x": "or robin. or robin. you made us break too? you made us break too?", "y": "stop talking to me as if i were your enemy! you know these women cry, but you have the luxury of not knowing what i know you have these breaks tragic surely avoided a first marriage crap and very expensive."}, {"x": "you have made us break up?", "y": "you do not want the truth, because deep down, you want me to watch over you. and basically, you know that none of these women would have been the mother of your children."}, {"x": "you have made us break up?", "y": "i did what i had to do."}, {"x": "you have made us break up?", "y": "just as i did!"}, {"x": "you made me break with robin?", "y": "no, it's not..."}, {"x": "seriously, just what is your problem? how could you do that?", "y": "i did it because i care about you!"}, {"x": "it turns out that lily has decided to sabotage many of my relationships, including ours.", "y": "robin was different. i did not mean that you break, but you wanted different things and you refused to settle it. i could imagine the porch."}, {"x": "i do not like this scenario.", "y": "i was just trying to make you talk about your problems. i did not know it would lead to your break."}, {"x": "and you?", "y": "not that i want to make you say, but surely you want to get married."}, {"x": "i would probably get married.", "y": "you would surely be in tokyo or paris."}, {"x": "you can not manipulate people like that! i've known you for 12 years, but i've never been back!", "y": "i was not..."}, {"x": "so, without you we would come out still together?", "y": "or you'd been together too long, and would have had an incredibly bitter break without even remain friends, and we would never become best friends."}, {"x": "stop cuddling! you got no right to interfere in my relationships you. you're lucky. you have found the love of your life in a dorm you turn 18. it gives you no right to play god while others are still looking for. you worry so much about who will finish with you on the porch. you know what? keep it for you.", "y": "it is what happened to your jacket?"}, {"x": "i guess. if you have agreed, perhaps. the guy had a hard day. we'll talk tomorrow. good night, champ.", "y": "ted, i'm sorry. no matter who you marry. i know it will be great because she will think you are. to prove my sincerity, i have prepared a surprise for you and karen at the top. kisses, lily."}, {"x": "if i got a celebrity, it would be lily. this is the star of my heart.", "y": "for me it would be hugh jackman."}, {"x": "it's embarrassing, but i... i came home one evening with a celebrity.", "y": "my god! seriously?"}, {"x": "he wanted to do weird things with me, so i left. that's it.end of story.", "y": "no, not the end of history. i need to know who, what, when and where. balance!"}, {"x": "not you, barney.", "y": "who's who?"}, {"x": "i know not what you call it, but we have a name for it in canada. listen, i've already said too much.", "y": "so the mystery celebrity who collects something mysterious asked you to do a mystery canadian sex act."}, {"x": "yes.", "y": "tell us."}, {"x": "right.", "y": "i do not even know of canadian sex act."}, {"x": "you have the sled dog, the lobster trap, the mounted police.", "y": "how do you know that?"}, {"x": "i think so. my two best friends have planted and i saw nothing.", "y": "in canada, it's called a snow plow vicious."}, {"x": "i need a drink.", "y": "the poor. it's moved if i return to canada on sex?"}, {"x": "you've been slow.", "y": "what is a zamboni with 2 hands?"}, {"x": "well, the only thing that carries the woman is skates with his hands.", "y": "pack milk manitoba?"}, {"x": "it's like the moustache of chicago, but the person below wearing a combi.", "y": "a lobster trap of newfoundland?"}, {"x": "i dunno, i want to know. these people are crazy.", "y": "well, i decided my first proposal."}, {"x": "okay, but i say only if you find the person, the act and the collection.", "y": "well, i'm starting. bryan adams. he collects baseball cards and he wanted to make you... an oily kayak."}, {"x": "that was one of the most inspired designs of my career. i was so excited.", "y": "alex trebek, a guardian event\u00e9, teddy bear!"}, {"x": "no.", "y": "damn!"}, {"x": "for me, it's called a...", "y": "a totem of saskatoon. it's here."}, {"x": "but...", "y": "anyone of rush, a meat pie from montreal and a lunchbox superhero."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "rick moranis, the reverse rich moranis, of jewish antiquities. i give up. it's been three days that i seek. i stop. if that means i could ever be."}, {"x": "well.", "y": "tell us about it!"}, {"x": "but this info does not leave the table.", "y": "my god. i am so excited. i will read."}, {"x": "read it.", "y": "i will read it. let's go. \"the frozen snowshoe,\" \"old king clancy\", \"the plateaux of harvey.\""}, {"x": "so?", "y": "i do not understand any of these words."}, {"x": "no, it's the collection. harvey trays. these orange trays they give you when you eat at harvey. restaurants? will you take a trip on the trans-canada highway, you have a hollow between milverton and wawa, where you stop eating, eh? at harvey. more than 12,000 customers!", "y": "so fame was..."}, {"x": "the frozen snowshoe. oh, my god! you know racket jelly? this is the most famous pro wrestler of canada. i met him after his victory over rick \"the daredevil\" at the rogers memorial arena in kamloops in 2002. a classic.", "y": "so you say you racket jelly invited him home to show you trays of harvey, and you've asked him to do an old king clancy?"}, {"x": "right. and i'm serious, do not tell anyone.", "y": "my hiccups are gone. perhaps forever."}, {"x": "you're kidding.", "y": "what does that mean for your company? you're going to be fired?"}, {"x": "yes, sir. but i have good benefits and i have made a great decision. i'll start my own box.", "y": "it's exciting."}, {"x": "i gotta go.", "y": "hi, baby. good workout."}, {"x": "my god! orange wedges. that's nice. what are you doing here?", "y": "i could not resist. i wanted to see marshmallow coach at work."}, {"x": "i thought that, too, you'll understand when you grow older.", "y": "marshall, you can avoid the att*ck today?"}, {"x": "i will not att*ck, lily. i att*ck this pervasive culture of failure. i have to toughen them if you want to win the match tomorrow.", "y": "winning? there are no points."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "there are no points."}, {"x": "you not count... what interest not to do? how do you know... lily, what were you doing with the team before i arrive?", "y": "i was training."}, {"x": "what's the score?", "y": "gender joy joy!"}, {"x": "the point of playing is to win the trophy. and if you do not know who wins, wins the trophy?", "y": "everyone. this is a participation trophy, everyone has one."}, {"x": "an agreement of honor!", "y": "marshall, they were in kindergarten. it teaches not basketball like that."}, {"x": "sure. i learned that way.", "y": "are you kidding? what kind of sociopath told you like that?"}, {"x": "or you helped steal the sixth floor. they were in a hurry and left the pictures.", "y": "your father was hard on you. it's ugly, but you do not have to be like him. you can learn from mistakes."}, {"x": "errors? lily, result. the guy was successful. he taught me to be a winner. this is what i teach these kids. and besides, this is what i will do with our children.", "y": "ok, enough. this is not how we will raise our children!and that's not how you gonna lead this team! in tomorrow's game, if you're anything but a teddy bear with the cotton candy and rainbows, i foudroierai gaze so hard that you bruise! the times i've found your internet history, it was a mere side! is that clear?"}, {"x": "there are different...", "y": "is that clear?"}, {"x": "you do not do anything wrong. it's great that you lost, because in life, no matter the effort you make, or how much you try, people give you things. since graduation, jobs, promotions. no matter what you do on the ground, as... as you're having fun.", "y": "do not look at me like that."}, {"x": "i take it anymore! your coaching is crazy!", "y": "stop yelling at me!"}, {"x": "i'm sorry. but is what i can do it my way?", "y": "ok, but i'll do it my way too. with the guitar."}, {"x": "there is a werewolf on the ground! it can not be legit.", "y": "they look different, the children, but make sure they feel surrounded."}, {"x": "i beg you to put me in one.", "y": "i understand that you like it not."}, {"x": "i love it. i worked hard. it's nice to be appreciated at its true value.", "y": "i know, baby."}, {"x": "your way is perhaps not completely stupid.", "y": "thank you. yours is."}, {"x": "do it yourself.", "y": "tell it."}, {"x": "she will not like it.", "y": "why do not i decide? what is the difference between jam and nutella?"}, {"x": "you're back!", "y": "when listening to this joke of peanut butter and jam, i was completely disgusted. but this morning in the shower, i thought about it and it made me laugh. peanut butter. so i think i could win. according to marshall."}, {"x": "it's good to see you, lily.", "y": "thank you. so what's new?"}, {"x": "i'm in a world of amnesia with lots of pictures of my son and an alliance. i will find the best woman / woman and we will...", "y": "ok, that's enough for tonight. i'll go slowly."}, {"x": "i have not worked as hard to finish in a crappy job. get me wrong, lily.", "y": "i was pissed 3 times this morning. i can not say."}, {"x": "yes, robin, i know. this festival is... is... a disaster.it was my idea. i take responsibility. there is one thing to do.", "y": "marshall, no."}, {"x": "do not worry. if i can jump tonight, it will save the evening.", "y": "honey, come down here, please."}, {"x": "when evel knievel rode his rocket star on the shore of snake river canyon, you think his wife said \"honey, come down here '?", "y": "for the last time, i'm not linda knievel! i will never be linda knievel!"}, {"x": "no need to remind me.", "y": "marshall, do not do that. do not jump, please."}, {"x": "sorry, but i have to.", "y": "you can not."}, {"x": "why?", "y": "you want a reason? you're going to have one. i am pregnant."}, {"x": "my god! my god, really? i saw you look fat...", "y": "i was lying, bastard! go ahead, jump! i hope u gonna die!"}, {"x": "i think i love you.", "y": "this is ted. everyone! ted, are you?"}, {"x": "she's here, lily. she looks at me.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "the goat.", "y": "you said what?"}, {"x": "you too, sweetie.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "once she told me that, more than feelings. i'm more in love.", "y": "you were in love with her, throughout the year and when she feels the same, you love him more."}, {"x": "i believe in a classic story of showbiz.", "y": "honey, you're there. you're really there."}, {"x": "of course!", "y": "damn."}, {"x": "what?", "y": "everyone always says, \"do not tell lily. lily can not keep a secret. \"and, usually, they are right. but this time i kept the secret. and here you come with that crap and you force me to become the lily will spill the beans!"}, {"x": "what song? there was a piece?", "y": "there was a song."}, {"x": "what...", "y": "he said that? my god! what an incredible surprise!"}, {"x": "i will do what?", "y": "i know. are you gonna do?"}, {"x": "no! this is barney. i mean... this is barney. but it's barney. i have to say no.", "y": "boy, you're going to break her... the thing that this black mud pump through his veins."}, {"x": "the mosby?", "y": "no, she can not mosbyser."}, {"x": "so... when she said love me, she meant... otherwise.", "y": "that's it. it worked well. you are back to normal."}, {"x": "yes. it's true. and it's great. it's great. so robin does not like me.", "y": "no."}, {"x": "why?", "y": "marshall, you can pick up ted?"}, {"x": "i was about to jump. you've not heard saying \"ok\" loop?", "y": "i'm sorry. go ahead and jump."}, {"x": "it's good. sorry, everyone. lily does not want me jumping. thank god.", "y": "what has happened?"}, {"x": "it happened... you left a wild animal in our apartment. i've been att*cked.", "y": "this is the sweetest and adorable goat in the world."}, {"x": "great, i'm late for my presentation. thank you, mr. goat.", "y": "mr. goat? it's a girl. her name is missy."}, {"x": "it's a disaster. how i will recover?", "y": "ok, i'm just asking. you really want to recover?"}, {"x": "what does that mean?", "y": "architecture is k*lling you and it kills us to see her k*ll you.you're like the goat with the mop. you want it so much, and whenever the world try to get the resume, it hooks you. but you know what? this is only a wimp. why do you want?"}, {"x": "because i have to be an architect. this is... that's the plan.", "y": "in the crapper, the plan. i wanted to be a famous artist.marshall wanted to be environmental lawyer. robin wanted to be a tv reporter."}, {"x": "i am a tv reporter. i am on the air at 4am.", "y": "it continues? bravo."}, {"x": "what someone looks, please.", "y": "barney wanted to be a violinist. need not tell me. you can not draw your life as a building. it does not work like that. you must live it and draw it to itself."}, {"x": "so what, i should do anything?", "y": "look what the world tells you to do and took the leap."}, {"x": "you're right. you're completely right. i love you, lily.", "y": "a metaphorical leap. a metaphorical leap!"}, {"x": "i did it!", "y": "honey, you did it!"}, {"x": "i can do anything!", "y": "it's true!"}, {"x": "i bought a motorcycle!", "y": "no, not at all!"}, {"x": "lily! all we need is your indoor \"whoo.\"", "y": "sorry. whoo! it's just they kissed! they're finally a couple. oh, my god, you guys! this is our first double date! first of millions! what if our kids get married?! oh i love this!"}, {"x": "robin's more than just awe-\"some.\" she's awe-\"quite a bit.\" she's awe-\"a whole darn lot.\"", "y": "wait, what are you saying?"}, {"x": "oh yeah.", "y": "is it something i did?"}, {"x": "yeah, it's us. you understand, right?", "y": "sure, of course. as long as you're happy, i'm happy."}, {"x": "i will, some other time.", "y": "so, how long has this been going on?"}, {"x": "all summer.", "y": "i knew it! i knew it! i knew it! you guys are boyfriend and girlfriend."}, {"x": "yeah, yeah.", "y": "you've been together all summer. i don't get it."}, {"x": "yeah, the talk sucks. you have to, like, talk. and be all, \"i don't know.", "y": "you needs it. guys, you can't just keep hooking up and not at least try and figure out what you mean to each other."}, {"x": "well, that and the fact that elaborate lies really turn us on.", "y": "no, no, no. you need to define the relationship. you ne to have the talk."}, {"x": "mistake number 3, dude, where was the hat? cause if you're not going to wear it, i'm taking it back.", "y": "i think what barney's saying is that definitions are important. you're their teacher, not their friend."}, {"x": "exactly.", "y": "if people don't know their place, nobody's happy."}, {"x": "amen.", "y": "you have to make things clear."}, {"x": "run tell that.", "y": "define the relationship."}, {"x": "lily, can't you just let us be happy?", "y": "you're not happy. you just think you're happy because you feel happy."}, {"x": "and that's not happy?", "y": "of course not. you and robin need to have the talk."}, {"x": "why? give me one good reason.", "y": "i'll give you 20..."}, {"x": "hey brad.", "y": "i just thought of a reason."}, {"x": "a gifriend's a bit much, brad, okay?", "y": "okay, seriously. we're at the point of physical v*olence. now, will you please have the talk?"}, {"x": "ted, are you out there?", "y": "ted's not here, robin."}, {"x": "lily, let us out of here.", "y": "i'd be glad to. just as soon as you and barney have the talk."}, {"x": "lily! come on. let us out!", "y": "no. sit down, define the relationship, write down that definition on a piece of paper, slip it under the door, and if i like what i read, you can go."}, {"x": "we are not having the talk!", "y": "then you'll die in there."}, {"x": "you're gonna lock us in here? well, guess what? maybe we'll spend the whole day having sex!", "y": "well, guess what? i broughtmarshall with me, so maybe we'll do the same."}, {"x": "architect?", "y": "just hanging out? not good enough."}, {"x": "\"we're seeing where things are going.\"", "y": "i'll tell you where things aren't doing... out of that bedroom. not good enough."}, {"x": "\"we're barnman and robin.\" come on, you got to admit, that's kind of fun, lily.", "y": "not... good enough."}, {"x": "t-dawg, you're in the wrong room, bro.", "y": "20 minutes late on your first day? that's rough."}, {"x": "yeah, but here's the funny thing. by that point, i didn't have time to think about what kind of teacher i was going to be. i just got up there and talked about architecture. and it was kind of great.", "y": "that's awesome, ted."}, {"x": "no,not that. lying. think about it. we spent the whole summer lying about being just friends. why not just keep lying?", "y": "really?"}, {"x": "you do realize they were lying, right?", "y": "no, ted, they don't realize they weren't lying."}, {"x": "guess who just got four tickets to the \"origins of chewbacca\" star wars exhibit?", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "no, i said, \"guess who?\"", "y": "i heard you."}, {"x": "beats me, but it says it right here on this doctor clipboard that doctors have.", "y": "it's time, baby."}, {"x": "i will never love again.", "y": "no,marshall, you must. and after an appropriate number of years, you should find someone else. someone like that busty delivery girl from that one time. and plow her like a cornfield."}, {"x": "ladies, meet stripper lily.", "y": "oh!"}, {"x": "yeah, i couldn't get her face in it. but she looks just like you.", "y": "so you went to a strip club?"}, {"x": "busted.", "y": "and there was a stripper who looked exactly like me?"}, {"x": "okay, babe, look, before you get mad, let me...", "y": "awesome! i bet the guys were going crazy. oh, i bet they wanted to touch her so bad. but all you can do is look, unless you go into the back room, but honey, you got to pay for that."}, {"x": "see? why didn't you lead off with that?", "y": "was there a shower on stage? sometimes there's a shower on stage. i bet stripper me would get in there with another girl and just go bananas."}, {"x": "and, lil,marshall shouldn't have to go to so much trouble just to have an innocent fantasy.", "y": "trouble? what trouble?"}, {"x": "lily, sometimes i think about other women. okay, it happens. but even when i do, i feel so guilty that i have to imagine you... passing away first, because even in a fantasy world, i could never cheat on you. you're... you're just my life, baby. and i love you.", "y": "you k*ll me off?! i mean, fantasize about other girls all you want, but could you maybe not m*rder me?!"}, {"x": "did he juggle? bad puns? mmm. expect a standing ovation for picking up a $19 check", "y": "oh, let's not forget the menu typo gold mine. keep pannin' that river, buddy."}, {"x": "and here's a picture of my cats dressed up like batman villains. you got the joker, the riddler, mr. freeze...", "y": "what about cat woman?"}, {"x": "ted, there are two kinds of guys. the guys that you want to call you, who don't; and the guys you don't want to call you, who always do. and somehow, right now, you're both.", "y": "baby... you should be able to fantasize about another woman without feeling guilty, or you know, k*lling me off."}, {"x": "i wish that i could, but i've been doing this for so long, i'm all confused about death and sex. it's gotten to the pot where every time i drive past a cemetery, i'm sportin' a partial.", "y": "all right, we got to fix this."}, {"x": "thanks, baby. i'm-i'm so lucky i have you. and stripper you.", "y": "bring out stripper lily!"}, {"x": "ladies and gentlemen... oh, hey, barney. didn't see you come in. i'll load up some ac/dc for you, buddy. ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for j-j-jasmine.", "y": "i am hot! oh, crawl for it, stripper me.i is awesome. baby, can i get another hundred?"}, {"x": "that was a hundred?", "y": "wow, she crawls fast."}, {"x": "well, anything sounds weird if you say it a hundred times. bowl. bowl. bowl.", "y": "but other than that, things are good?"}, {"x": "bowl.", "y": "i guess, in a lot of ways, barney doesn't stack up."}, {"x": "bowl. bowl.", "y": "i mean, you've had some pretty incredible boyfriends."}, {"x": "he's cheating on me.", "y": "what?!"}, {"x": "why else would he buy me flowers? he's gettin' some on the side.", "y": "oh, come on, robin. barney's not the type of guy who would... go on."}, {"x": "plus, he keeps saying he's working late. but when i call his office, they say he left hours ago.", "y": "well, that doesn't prove anything."}, {"x": "yes. proof. go word. i'm glad you brought that up. barney's briefcase. he forgot it here this morning..", "y": "and what do you plan on doing with it?"}, {"x": "we, we-- you and i-- are going to open it up and look for evidence. ted probably has a sledgehammer around here somewhere.", "y": "no! stop! stop! eye contact. listen to me. robin scherbatsky is many things friend, confidant, occasional guest star in some confusing dreams that remind me a woman's sexuality is a moving target. but she is no crazy, jealous stalker-bitch. let go."}, {"x": "oh, you're not upset. good. baby, guess what i found.", "y": "oh, that's great, honey."}, {"x": "what the hell is that?", "y": "marshall got it in college. he used it as a nightstand for years."}, {"x": "barrel resin?", "y": "just go with it."}, {"x": "well, let's just hope they're not allergic to barrel sin like lily here.", "y": "be cool, baby. damn! see you, sweetie. good luck."}, {"x": "bye, babe.", "y": "now, can we please get out of here?"}, {"x": "yeah. i'll grab my coat.", "y": "a college notebook?!"}, {"x": "she's still there! okay mabel, let's find you a new home. here comes a guy! and he... he just walked, walked right on by it. he's probably rushing home to get a handcart or something. yeah! hey, better hurry up, pal. what are you guys doing with barney's secret robin notebook? let me rephrase that. did you two ladies lose some weight?", "y": "what do you know about this,marshall?"}, {"x": "do you think i should get sports illustrated for 70% off the cover price? can we have class outside? i got to find a way to reach this kid.", "y": "\"class number two.\""}, {"x": "\"defusing the b*mb\"? what does that even mean?", "y": "\"three topics to distract robin from being mad at you.\""}, {"x": "\"distract\" me? oh, that is so condescending. these guys are really starting to piss me off!", "y": "\"immediately switch the conversation to one of the following, \"unless you want robin to start throwing her shoes.\""}, {"x": "uh-oh. looks like we got a taker. oh, come on, dude. you know you want to a guy like you, beard, no mustache. you're exactly the kind of guy who could use a sweet barrel. do it. no. no. that's not a fire hydrant! what...", "y": "neither can you, sweetie."}, {"x": "ted's only teaching barney horrible things about me.", "y": "i don't know. check this out. this is actually kind of sweet."}, {"x": "yup. if she tells you you're an idiot, you're a lucky man. and if she does say \"i love you,\" she's already broken up with you in her mind.", "y": "i think 's nice that ted knows you that well."}, {"x": "i'm not crying.", "y": "oh, sweetie. can i get you some butterscotch?"}, {"x": "wait a second. it says here that the class meets at 615 on tuesday.", "y": "so?"}, {"x": "you know, there is something to that. i remember thinking my tenth grade math teacher was very sexy. i wonder if harold's still in jail. what? tax evasion. among other things.", "y": "so guys, marshall and i wanted to invite you to our place for a little couples' night."}, {"x": "uh, sure. why not?", "y": "welcome."}, {"x": "gouda?", "y": "this is great. we're having fun. you're having fun, right?"}, {"x": "right. sorry. we're getting ahead of ourselves. let's talk thanksgiving.", "y": "our parents really want to meet you!"}, {"x": "it's getting pretty late. we're going to go.", "y": "there's still pie."}, {"x": "i'm sorry, marshall, but falguni and i are just not that into you. and you.", "y": "wohoo!"}, {"x": "um, sure, why not?", "y": "okay. game time. let's review the flow of the room. barney and robin enter here. stop here for margaritas. that's a great conversation starter. we can tell them about nour trip to cabo."}, {"x": "great, 'cause i got that story about sammy hagar anthe belgian waffle locked and loaded.", "y": "then we'll move on to the hot apps station. and, depending on how things are going, some lively pre-dinner charades."}, {"x": "right, but, uh, we'll play that one by...", "y": "sounds like?"}, {"x": "okay, you can be robin's partner.", "y": "welcome."}, {"x": "so, you said you live right upstairs...", "y": "nailed it!"}, {"x": "and they were so nervous, that they weren't even making sense half of the time.", "y": "hey. come on in. would you like a margarita?"}, {"x": "poor marshall., lily's this gourmet cook, and all she letsmarshall do ss pick out one sad block of cheese.", "y": "that's prosciutto-wrapped melon."}, {"x": "you guys are going to want to get in on thisgouda.", "y": "that's seared scallops with a mango chutney."}, {"x": "seriously, don't sleep on thegouda.", "y": "and that's lobster ravioli in a black truffle oil."}, {"x": "p.s., not sitting great.", "y": "what do you mean, the egg timer is broken? what are we going to use for charades, sweetie?"}, {"x": "i'm working on it, darling. okay? just stall them.", "y": "now, robin... you work in television. we're experiencing some technical difficulties. you get that? we're still laughing. right? laugh,marshall."}, {"x": "which is funny, because usually it's the innkeeper who offers turndown service. oh!", "y": "hey, guys. good news. first of all, you can ignore all the e-mails and texts we've sent you."}, {"x": "we have. go on.", "y": "because we went ahead and booked that couples' weekend for all of us invermont!"}, {"x": "oh, we never joke about b&b's, especially at the height of syrup season.", "y": "check it out. saturday we've got apple-picking, antiquing, then a hated hay ride."}, {"x": "look! i'm sorry that we have been dodging your calls, but we respect you guys too much as friends to give you some song and dance. you deserve the truth. the us navy has found intelligent alien life at the bottom of the ocean. for reasons i can't explain, robin and i have been tapped to lead the expedition.", "y": "wow, barney. that kind of sounds like the stuff you say to girls when you're too much of a coward to dump them."}, {"x": "yeah. you know, that's exactly what it sounds like. but if that's true, that's awesome.", "y": "what's going on?"}, {"x": "plus, the alien thing.", "y": "come on,marshall."}, {"x": "i can't believe they broke up with us.", "y": "we're so lovable."}, {"x": "no, we're not. we're ugly and gross.", "y": "i thought we did everything right."}, {"x": "i know! i know. we had thegouda. we had my waffle story. i even sent them a awesome photo montage. nothing.", "y": "oh, dear god.marshall, we've been over and over this. you have to stop sending those to people."}, {"x": "if i recall, they didn't dump us until you brought up thatvermont trip. it was way too early. first, a boat ride around the city, then a trip tovermont. it's a rookie mistake, and you're better than that.", "y": "oh, what about you forgetting to check the egg timer for charades? i gave you one thing to do,marshall. one thing."}, {"x": "one thing? one thing? wow. really? so, i guess that gouda just walked itself right through the door...sliced itself up, and arranged itself in a perfect semi-circle around not three, not four... but five different kinds of sturdy, cheese-bearing crackers?", "y": "you're a sturdy, cheese-bearing cr*cker!"}, {"x": "hey. we wanted to say we're sorry.", "y": "oh. i wish you had called."}, {"x": "oh!", "y": "um, listen, now's not a good time. we'll call you."}, {"x": "hey. long time no see. have a seat.", "y": "oh, we can't. we're here with py and shea."}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "oh, it might be weird. we're kind of on a double date. wouldn't want you to feel like a fifth and sixth wheel."}, {"x": "who the hell are these people?", "y": "they just moved here fromhawaii. py is a total foodie"}, {"x": "mmm!", "y": "and shea, well... she's..."}, {"x": "shea...shea is just...", "y": "anyhoo, we can't stay long. we're just gonna grab a quick beer and then take these kooks for a boat ride around the city."}, {"x": "that was amazing, lily!", "y": "i know! when i got that left-hand- yellow, i was like, \"what?!\""}, {"x": "for charades.", "y": "how do we know you two won't hurt us again?"}, {"x": "then what are you doing, standing out in the rain with us?", "y": "damn it. why is there something so attractive about a bad boy... and girl?"}, {"x": "i think we can change them.", "y": "come here, you two."}, {"x": "tantrum!", "y": "all right, let's hit the road."}, {"x": "okay.", "y": "road trip! so you guys want to talk about b*tches? i'm kidding. they're called women."}, {"x": "all right, next stop chicago.", "y": "i have to pee."}, {"x": "couldn't you have gone before we left?", "y": "i did. i just pee a lot. you'll see."}, {"x": "ow!", "y": "yellow, that reminds me, i have to pee."}, {"x": "you can't have to go again. it's not humanly possible.", "y": "no, i was just going to say maybe we should listen to something."}, {"x": "goodbye, sparky.", "y": "it's an audio book about a boy and his dog. it made elisabeth hasselbeck cry."}, {"x": "chapter one when i first saw sparky, he reminded me of my favorite comb; he was missing a lot of teeth, but i loved him anyway. mother was fit to be tied every time he used her prized rhododendron to do his business.", "y": "that reminds me, i have to pee."}, {"x": "oh, my god, lily, please tell me you have to go pee!", "y": "ah, i do."}, {"x": "ok, ted, we're not in college anymore, okay? we don't have to drive all night.", "y": "besides, they have a spa. what kind of treatments do you offer?"}, {"x": "cornmeal...", "y": "we'd love a cornmeal body scrub!"}, {"x": "hey, baby? baby?", "y": "hmm? yeah?"}, {"x": "i'm so sorry that we left you.", "y": "did you go somewhere, sweetie?"}, {"x": "that's good. and i'm so sorry you didn't get any pizza.", "y": "oh, that's okay."}, {"x": "look what i saw yesterday.", "y": "baby, you can wash it?"}, {"x": "thank you, doll.", "y": "honey, you're going to wash it?"}, {"x": "i'm glad you mention it. no. and that's why. i know you do not like dirty sinks. but do it for me to clean it? if one day i looked up the ceiling of the room and think, \"hey, i want a replica of the sistine chapel\" is what you will paint the?", "y": "no. of course not."}, {"x": "exactly! similarly, if you do not like having lots of dirty dishes, it's your washing.", "y": "thank you explained that. i get confused easily."}, {"x": "it's because you're a woman.", "y": "i do not even know why we laugh!"}, {"x": "look, i love you. but, baby, with little energy i have left after work, i want to cover you with love, not washing dishes.", "y": "you're right. i'll do the dishes. just after doing this."}, {"x": "we bet a slap.", "y": "baby, you can do the dishes?"}, {"x": "terrible. and because of you! i listened to your advice stupid!", "y": "baby, you can do the dishes?"}, {"x": "i'm making more money than you.", "y": "excuse me?"}, {"x": "it started with the dishes but after...", "y": "so you're saying you should not do the dishes because you work harder than me."}, {"x": "it's not what i say... but it's true. and suddenly, we argue as to who works the hardest.", "y": "i teach kindergarten. i shape the leaders of tomorrow."}, {"x": "you eat cookies and you glue stuff. and other disputes are parties. until there is so much we can no longer follow.", "y": "if you need to go there at night, or you turn on the light or toilet you sit."}, {"x": "my mother does not hate you. it is neutral about you.i'm not afraid of your imitation of shining. i just did not need to hear it mostly at night.", "y": "danny is not here, mrs. torrance."}, {"x": "i do not care if the dishes are not done. if you do not give a damn, do it.", "y": "super. so i do not care if you have an orgasm. if you do not give a damn, do it yourself."}, {"x": "i spent 18 years without a woman does not affect me. i can do it again.", "y": "you will perhaps have to do it again."}, {"x": "stop it.", "y": "marshall, dinner is ready."}, {"x": "you've done for me?", "y": "no, but what is your favorite."}, {"x": "i'll do the dishes directly to my death.", "y": "i do not care when you take out. but if it is made of cheese as a good ziti, do soak."}, {"x": "sure, honey.", "y": "i love you."}, {"x": "i do not know. sometimes you just let his ego aside.", "y": "and keep in mind that the love you have for that other person is more important than winning."}, {"x": "calm. calm down. seriously, what's the secret?", "y": "the honeymoon phase may be over, but now you can get down to business. and honestly, it's the best part."}, {"x": "grave. it's not a competition.", "y": "we won!"}, {"x": "guess what? these glasses are plastic. so you can throw them. so no dirty dishes in the sink.", "y": "you're dirty. it is you who should be in the sink."}, {"x": "this is my collection of p*rn! i offer you my p*rn. now that it goes really well with robin, i need more.", "y": "voluntarily, you abandon your p*rn...? you're really serious."}, {"x": "it's nothing. once you're with someone, it is natural to let some go. trust me. it's been there.", "y": "he really is growing at a time."}, {"x": "hi.", "y": "my god, matte videos. the orgy of space? the surprise party of 23 students naughty?"}, {"x": "you'd think after 22 celebrations, students would no longer surprises.", "y": "you can get rid of it."}, {"x": "no, it's not a problem. i'll do it.", "y": "are you sure? it's nothing. we can go around back and throw the box in the trash."}, {"x": "seriously, this is nothing. i'm on it.", "y": "because..."}, {"x": "so what? they are happy.", "y": "let's go. a more."}, {"x": "so you're what?", "y": "i tail-dalle."}, {"x": "what...? i thought i had seen in one take.", "y": "yeah. it's called tail-dalle."}, {"x": "if you watch this tape, and i knew it... is that you are in possession of all my p*rn. it can only mean two things, either i'm dead or i'm in a committed relationship. if i d*ed, i want you honor my memory by taking my body in the hamptons and recreating weekend at bernie. i want to dance. i want to make love. and i want to go fishing. if, on the other hand, i'm in a relationship, as best friend, i have one favor to ask. please, for god's sake, get me out of here!", "y": "we're sure he had done?"}, {"x": "there is no reason to take it seriously, though?", "y": "no, of course. this is an old tape. barney is pleased with robin."}, {"x": "sorry, i have my own way tonight.", "y": "how do you go?"}, {"x": "they k*ll.", "y": "they love each other."}, {"x": "this is obvious. barney eats too much because he hates to lose his freedom. robin and stress because she hates what has become barney.", "y": "they are perfect together."}, {"x": "we are two dominant sets.", "y": "of course, my heart."}, {"x": "i think the first who plays barney deflates.", "y": "it's a bad time. it takes time to get used to each other. they are... how do you say \"selfish\" nicely?"}, {"x": "yeah.", "y": "it's a bad time. let us do things."}, {"x": "she's right.", "y": "two against one, ted. let them."}, {"x": "we will release... the kraken.", "y": "forget. i took my retirement. i no longer."}, {"x": "but you're the best.", "y": "i swear, i gave up these sh*ts there. i became legit. i am now matchmaker."}, {"x": "find me someone.", "y": "i just started."}, {"x": "please. you've got to break. this relationship is k*lling them.", "y": "i know, but i learned the lesson. i no longer interferes. i let things."}, {"x": "it's two against one.", "y": "but the one that's me."}, {"x": "not so loud, sh*t.", "y": "what did you do? i'm furious now. it will not?"}, {"x": "you will be my bridesmaid?", "y": "oh, my god! i'd love to!"}, {"x": "what next?", "y": "they are up to their necks. a single argument will not suffice. we must revive the four largest arguments they've ever had, at one time. number one, the battle of dirty dishes. number two, the conflict of ex-girlfriends."}, {"x": "i've found. i have found. they maile images reminding those fights.", "y": "poor kid. this is how it will happen. they are the restau... first, it rekindles debate us-canada, when alan thicke, a native of ontario, going to their table."}, {"x": "oh yes. robin was known when she sang.", "y": "they are always in contact. i had his number on the mobile robin. seriously... amateurs. so, alan thicke stimulus battle usa / canada. just then, meg-the-crazy happens. then, a stormtrooper happening in the street.and just when they are tired, a diver passes with a basin full of what? dirty dishes."}, {"x": "greeting, will robinson! that a birthday?", "y": "get in the car."}, {"x": "what is that thing?", "y": "they did not stormtrooper so i had to take another robot. it will work also."}, {"x": "another robot? the stormtroopers are not robots.", "y": "of course they are robots! \"must k*ll luke skywalker\""}, {"x": "it continues. the server supports a second sheet.", "y": "we need it here. it is in hiding."}, {"x": "stop and think only of money.", "y": "give a hand to the stormtrooper."}, {"x": "i greet between robin?", "y": "no, go up. wait... when they blew the death star with thousands of stormtroopers it was human?"}, {"x": "that's not why i signed.", "y": "you know what? everyone, stop! alan thicke, close it!marshall is a break. put-in-t. ted, stop talking about p*rn. and for god's sake, give the pizza stormtrooper!"}, {"x": "it's not a stormtrooper!", "y": "damn! they see us."}, {"x": "forget it is located. if you try something, they'll know it's us. we should all go...", "y": "this is my masterpiece. and then they saw us? it will work anyway."}, {"x": "you are alan thicke?", "y": "alan thicke, to you. go ahead."}, {"x": "it was a bad spot.", "y": "what am i doing? all this was a mistake."}, {"x": "so... it tells you to smoke joints?", "y": "where is barney?"}, {"x": "it is getting it soon.", "y": "i love that you are always so many friends after this clip."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "okay. this is certainly the biggest con on this planet."}, {"x": "how do you know?", "y": "this is one of my best friends."}, {"x": "and the diving suit?", "y": "it's a long story. you see, he just break..."}, {"x": "you have the right answer!", "y": "you're not rush a little, then?"}, {"x": "a great book.", "y": "yeah, i'm reading it."}, {"x": "trust me. i would not get interested in relationships. i would not be single if i wanted to be single.", "y": "okay. are you ready?"}, {"x": "ready for what?", "y": "three years ago, shelly started working at my school.when i saw her, i said, \"it's perfect for ted.\""}, {"x": "i usually hate rencards arranged but ted looks great.", "y": "he is. it is so great and attentive and intelligent."}, {"x": "yeah she was pretty.", "y": "it still is. and you're ready."}, {"x": "but you can put three times more than chicken fingers in your mouth. you know.", "y": "i will fix it but promise me not to do anything stupid."}, {"x": "i know. i'm sorry, i am ashamed.", "y": "you should!"}, {"x": "this is the case!", "y": "you should! you should!"}, {"x": "this is the case, it does! this is false. i could not wait to meet ted but i arrived at the bar an hour early and i met this great guy. kind, serious genius.", "y": "and you met him at mclaren's?"}, {"x": "just at the bar.", "y": "what is the name there?"}, {"x": "so, he got shelly? it must have upset you.", "y": "bluntly."}, {"x": "what the lorenzo von matterhorn?", "y": "exactly, yes."}, {"x": "how much is a coffee today, $ 50? and here we go.", "y": "it's horrible. you realize you've broken her heart? she is inconsolable."}, {"x": "it was all lies?", "y": "it was all lies."}, {"x": "the expedition in the airship?", "y": "lies!"}, {"x": "the artificial island in the shape of his face off dubai?", "y": "lies!"}, {"x": "finishing third in the contest of laser tag?", "y": "men... actually, that's true. i went there."}, {"x": "you went to the vatican?", "y": "lies!"}, {"x": "oh my god! well, i hope you are pleased with you.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "thou hast broken my heart.", "y": "me?"}, {"x": "you! she will never trust a man. you've spoiled for ted.not to mention julio von matterhorn, the twin brother of lorenzo.", "y": "do you believe? he says it's my fault. and by the way, ted, i bet she go out with you again."}, {"x": "no way...", "y": "that must bother you a bit."}, {"x": "so, then?", "y": "well, barney, you go out... you just get out of a sincere relationship. you're a big boy now. you can return to your towers to two euros."}, {"x": "so, we came up to me, and i go to my room to prepare the camera... lighting candles... and when i go out, nobody, paper and more roles! we all know who is responsible for that.", "y": "yes, we know."}, {"x": "al-qaeda.", "y": "no, you idiot. that was me."}, {"x": "you have stolen the book of roles? so, the daughter of the empire state building?", "y": "an actress friend."}, {"x": "an actress. of course. that explains his perfect diction and style of drag.", "y": "i'm almost to the point of taking this book and put it on the net for everyone to see."}, {"x": "you would not dare.", "y": "no, as you stop scams and confidence tricks, deception, underhand, tricks, schemes and embobinages."}, {"x": "you did not say nonsense.", "y": "no more nonsense!"}, {"x": "and in real life?", "y": "a few hours later..."}, {"x": "if you wonder, i would be at mclaren's playing a character from the book of roles being called the diver. that's all.", "y": "it's good. i put the book of roles on the internet. baby, you can put the book of roles on the internet?"}, {"x": "now you want to know what the diver. in fact, it was on the last page of the book, but i pulled in case. but do not worry.you will see it in action. you see the blonde next to the bar?cizzible rep\u00e9rizz\u00e9e.", "y": "barney, no. you are..."}, {"x": "i did not know you felt it. i was so caught up with my own projects as... damn, she looks out there. quickly dispersed.", "y": "and here we are."}, {"x": "let's ask him.", "y": "so what does the diver? claire and here, in passing."}, {"x": "i'll knock your heads like two coconuts.", "y": "i'm delighted that you stop it. and frankly, the real barney is better than all the false barney's book of roles."}, {"x": "is it true? claire, you must have heard a lot about the real barney tonight. want some coffee?", "y": "before refusing, you should know that in this neoprene combined with what appears to be a pair of socks..."}, {"x": "a pringles, but still.", "y": "... is an incredible kind. he's funny and it's one of my best friends. and he came out with this g*n."}, {"x": "i'm proud of him. it takes a lot of pringles to be as vulnerable.", "y": "i had a message from barney. \"look under the table.\" a page from the book of roles."}, {"x": "yes! it's my turkey! come here, my beautiful little enfoir\u00e9e!", "y": "i'll go put it in the oven."}, {"x": "lily is the curator of the bet.", "y": "the slaps are transferable."}, {"x": "life is short. i tell myself, baffe diem. a rule, the slap must be given before sunset to avoid interference dinner lily.", "y": "and how!"}, {"x": "two, you must decide which of you will. three, we will attach to the chair barney, now be called the throne of baffe. it fits you?", "y": "awesome."}, {"x": "the straw of my mini-juice broke! man, hurry! what a nice surprise.", "y": "what has happened with your apartment?"}, {"x": "i had a little problem with my roommate.", "y": "what has happened?"}, {"x": "he wanted me to pay rent. it has ended badly.", "y": "you should pay rent to live in the basement of your parents."}, {"x": "in a sense.", "y": "working? you are retired."}, {"x": "now that i have another mouth to feed i had to return to the mill. where is my truss?", "y": "you not only prevented them from moving to florida but you obliged to rework grandfather?"}, {"x": "just the time to share my games with my aldrin limitless sensas last game ', \"fighting dogs\".", "y": "what is he doing here?"}, {"x": "i do not know but we should bring him in and discover.", "y": "i want to see him! returns it!"}, {"x": "lily, go. it's been 3 years. this is long enough.", "y": "the equity in my life brings me nothing but stress. it's easier that he is dead to me."}, {"x": "i've supported when our neighbor, mr. sias, d*ed in your sight.", "y": "this is our journal."}, {"x": "the color is gorgeous!", "y": "thank you, girls."}, {"x": "i'm not a fan of strapless.", "y": "a coffee, please. but only if it is decaf. i want to sleep tonight."}, {"x": "$ 1.50.", "y": "i'm sorry. are you sure mine is decaf? you used the same coffee."}, {"x": "i lied to him to him. okay?", "y": "ok... you dirty bastard! it was not decaf!"}, {"x": "i've supported with these unknowns, but it's your father, okay? we can at least give him some turkey?", "y": "no."}, {"x": "go. please, i can not ask him to leave at thanksgiving.", "y": "you did not ask. tell him it's just important that it is here. in less than two, it will be a games convention in toledo, to give money to your dental apparatus in a so-called milton bradley."}, {"x": "he was trying to earn money to feed his family.", "y": "no, that's what mom was doing with his two jobs. this man broke my heart every day for 20 years."}, {"x": "it's your family. and i'm sorry but we do not separate the family.", "y": "it's easy for you to say that, you come to the family the most ridiculously close to the world."}, {"x": "it is not ridiculously close.", "y": "really? and the eriksen family dinner every sunday?"}, {"x": "well, i would be happy, mom. everyone, please, give your hands. dear lord...", "y": "i'm sorry but it's weird."}, {"x": "a family must be close like that. and i want our future family is. and that includes your father.", "y": "i can not believe you take her part. let me be clear. this man will never set foot in this house, ever!"}, {"x": "your father has made mistakes in the past, but it has changed. he moved out of your grandparents. he has a job. he pays his taxes.", "y": "wait, how you know all this?"}, {"x": "and right before my eyes, your father broke down in tears. stop it! you come to thanksgiving!", "y": "you've invited?!"}, {"x": "the poor man was sobbing. what could i do? a fool and called him a girl, what i found unjustified.", "y": "i do not believe you. what gives you the right to do that?"}, {"x": "in mr. park... i was not expecting to find you here. lily, i'm sorry. just let me express myself. i thought the family was right but it's wrong. it is a privilege, and it deserves it. i put your father out. and i promise you, baby, i do... you never force her to see him again. what? baby, what has happened?", "y": "marshall, i came here because i was cold and it was the only place that was open. i would not even look at mr. park in the eye. and then i discovered that... mr. park's death. he really d*ed for me. and if i feel so bad to have never forgiven mr. park, a guy who literally did not mean anything to me? we have to get my father."}, {"x": "commissioner of the bet-baffe, tie me to the chair is a violation...", "y": "less talking shop, more slaps."}, {"x": "no. no, no, no, no. it is the commissioner of the bet-baffe. it must remain impartial!", "y": "the commissioner of the bet-baffe says it's good."}, {"x": "it's not good. please... let me...", "y": "close your eyes. it will soon be over."}, {"x": "i'm running in a meadow.", "y": "i can not do it. why i can not do it?"}, {"x": "it was not necessary.", "y": "she's right baby, if you had worn it in college, even i would not have slept with you. and if you remember, i wanted to."}, {"x": "damn!", "y": "oh my god, good evening."}, {"x": "target secure?", "y": "target secure."}, {"x": "wow, weird, pulled out all the toilets at the same time.", "y": "let's go to the table all together."}, {"x": "who wants to hear me talk about bridges for 1 hour? really?", "y": "i just remembered how ted is awesome."}, {"x": "sorry darling.", "y": "no problem, you just described your mother."}, {"x": "oh come on thunder vanilla, everyone should grow up and get a job.", "y": "i remember in college, maggie wanted to be a marine biologist by day and tutor children in difficulty at night. what you ended up doing?"}, {"x": "these things.", "y": "baby, where you going?"}, {"x": "what did he?", "y": "oh no, i think he'll resign. sorry maggie, i have to go stop him. ted i had to leave the bar but it's good she is with robin."}, {"x": "me too!", "y": "hey baby! i thought you came here to resign... i forgot the basket."}, {"x": "yeah, i thought so... so i got to do something on this list i will feel more so old so i... i came here to dunk.", "y": "do it helped you feel better?"}, {"x": "i wear this jumpsuit since 130!", "y": "maybe you can not dunk now. but you did more in 30 years that this 15 year old could have dreamed. you are a graduate of law. you had the good sense to cut you that stupid ponytail. and, you married this super b*mb that is unlike any points to your mother. this entitles you to 30 cm less to dunk. go ahead thunder vanilla!"}, {"x": "remote!", "y": "oh, baby! and if instead of going to dunk on your desk... you allongeras and i'd put the banana oil everywhere?"}, {"x": "sure baby. why we would not do that here?", "y": "sure baby."}, {"x": "well, lil '!", "y": "you got smoked!"}, {"x": "hey!", "y": "you got smoked!"}, {"x": "yes, i smoked! and it was my third day. you know what that means? i'm a smoker now. everything is ruined. i bought a packet coming back, and a lighter... and a viking lamp that has nothing to do, but i saw in the window and i liked it.", "y": "damn marshall. it has four lamps and viking smoking kills."}, {"x": "yeah, yeah, whatever. hey, hey, look what i got at the supermarket! he is! there he is! go ahead, pet him now! yeah, go! he loves it. caress her chin!", "y": "i do not care about your reasons, you know what i think of smoking. now give me the cigarettes! and the lighter. aaah, that thing!"}, {"x": "i want to k*ll him, of course people watching this show.you look at her. my god, you still have not seen the program.", "y": "we saw."}, {"x": "i'm always on the verge of sleep ted.", "y": "maybe that smoking is not so bad, at least it is outdoors."}, {"x": "i would never have started. i finally revisit in 13 years, if i could go back. i hate that little bastard.", "y": "me too."}, {"x": "i'm proud of you guys. i heard how it was difficult to stop smoking for as you, then the part of non-smokers, i tell you hat, so give me your cigarettes and i rid, one at a time.", "y": "you stop my chick. i know i did not call you chick normally, but it does with that voice. chick."}, {"x": "no.", "y": "you can sleep with marshall."}, {"x": "lily god, no.", "y": "sorry darling, that's for the team."}, {"x": "just one.", "y": "give a cigarette!"}, {"x": "we should just spend the first 24 hours after a piece of cake.", "y": "barney stops eating your fingers."}, {"x": "you watch the show?", "y": "yes sweetie, and you are very pretty."}, {"x": "you do not have to do that, you do not need to smoke.", "y": "resists sweetie!"}, {"x": "good for her.", "y": "we will not smoke."}, {"x": "robin good show.", "y": "and this guy so what con."}, {"x": "he ended up apologizing.", "y": "when he got up, the forms were more revealing, you should go out with him."}, {"x": "a...", "y": "... two..."}, {"x": "to summarize, i have a date tonight. thank you, new york! i try not to screw up.", "y": "what's going on? there are queuing outside the mclaren's."}, {"x": "ladies and gentlemen, the mclaren's hired a sexy barmaid.", "y": "look at all these guys. the sidewalk will feel the pee now."}, {"x": "wish me luck.", "y": "it will never happen. she will pretend to enjoy yourself in the same way she has mesmerized all these geniuses."}, {"x": "guys, what's up?", "y": "a new super sexy barmaid."}, {"x": "you see? marshall does not think she's sexy.", "y": "if he thinks. do not bother to pretend that other women are not attractive just for my own good."}, {"x": "i know, and if this woman was almost as sexy as mine, so i admit, but it is not the case.", "y": "baby, you're an angel, but compared to this woman, i am a big trash bag 3 days."}, {"x": "i say what i see, and... i think until you're the most beautiful woman in the world.", "y": "you see, it's really annoying."}, {"x": "look at me. i promise, i would not fall in love with your roommate.", "y": "now that you have been looking more closely, admit it the bartender is the sexiest of the bar."}, {"x": "i repeat...", "y": "baby, how can you not want you to do? i want to do it. if you do not wanna do it, sorry, but you must be gay."}, {"x": "well, last night, it was nice today, less.", "y": "why?"}, {"x": "well, ted, she's right.", "y": "and thoughtful. if the rules are so strict, you could put your work in."}, {"x": "sorry for my delay. i was stuck at work. i had this presentation on taxes on dividends.", "y": "of course, i listened carefully when you spoke."}, {"x": "there is absolutely right.", "y": "who, the guy who kisses an urn full of ashes costume. this guy?"}, {"x": "thank you, old friend. you go on a good sh*t.", "y": "admit it, she is sexier than me. it will not hurt me."}, {"x": "i can not. you're sexier than she.", "y": "that's a goddess! her skin glows. her legs are super long.and that ass? i do not mind having it, even on the head! that night, i admit, i thought about it a little more than once."}, {"x": "what do you...? kind, you think she is sexier than me?", "y": "i never said that."}, {"x": "you think so!", "y": "it's not comparable. she is younger than you."}, {"x": "who is jenkins?", "y": "this is a new lawyer in the office of marshall, he is hilarious."}, {"x": "that night, i spoke to lily.", "y": "i'm in a hurry to meet him."}, {"x": "hello?", "y": "hey baby, i go up there."}, {"x": "what, why?", "y": "there was a problem at school, it was therefore the day. i thought to visit you, eat something with a nice little dessert."}, {"x": "good god, i was in a band improv. am what i do.", "y": "hello, i'm lily, marshall's wife."}, {"x": "it is jenkins.", "y": "you are jenkins?"}, {"x": "yes, well, uh, i'll let you sort it out between you, see you later.", "y": "the famous jenkins, gosh. i imagined a man, in short, we eat?"}, {"x": "wait, you're not jealous at all?", "y": "honey, i do not have to worry about you and another woman."}, {"x": "because we love to madness, right?", "y": "yes of course. let's eat."}, {"x": "interesting article in the newspaper. they say that in every relationship there is a weak and strong.", "y": "let me see."}, {"x": "it's not that one, it's in another, i've read before. the newspaper reminded me of the old. in short, what do you think?", "y": "i think sometimes it's the case."}, {"x": "but not for us?", "y": "no, of course not."}, {"x": "sure. imagine, you have a g*n to his head, you have to say that one of us is low.", "y": "i would say this is me, this is what is right."}, {"x": "now, the g*n is pointed at me, and our future children, and our future little monkeys. depends on who wins the game is played for 3 years.", "y": "no, no weak or strong."}, {"x": "our two children, our 8 grandchildren, 11 great grandchildren our, our plane piloted by oprah, and it is poised to spits at an art museum that contains all your favorite pictures, and the only way save everything, and answered art thou the weak or strong?", "y": "and oprah has tried everything?"}, {"x": "everything you need to decide now.", "y": "i think if i had to really say, maybe i'm strong."}, {"x": "so, lily and i go back to university bar. and you wonder if maybe you would come... you could watch me play skee-ball... do exactly what you did the other night, something like that. it's really up to you, i mean...", "y": "hey baby, what do you do at home?"}, {"x": "baby! that is, it's a name i do not deserve.", "y": "what?"}, {"x": "you're sure it's not a fever?", "y": "you wanna make me jealous so you invent a story with jenkins."}, {"x": "i did not invent it! it happened, this woman kissed me.with language, his tongue was in my mouth.", "y": "of course it was."}, {"x": "it was silky... and hard as a branch of starfish", "y": "i'm so jealous, i'll go see it and hit right on the nose... like an old sandwich. come on baby, you want some soup?"}, {"x": "hi!", "y": "how did it go with dale?"}, {"x": "you know, sometimes, the guy with thick glasses and a t-shirt of the smurfs, it's just a cliche. and sometimes it is a moron with a squint and a platonic relationship with gargamel.", "y": "robin, this is not because a guy talks a lot about a fictional character for your first date it can not be your future."}, {"x": "and well, do not push too. people can be fragile. and sometimes, without even trying, you can tear someone's heart, and crush it in front of a roomful of 26 people and a teacher's assistant.", "y": "how it happened at school today, ted?"}, {"x": "come on, i wait, swing all your jokes about jen coulin.", "y": "we will not make jokes, ted. i mean, this girl must really be in the hole."}, {"x": "you asked him if she had reached the right exit?", "y": "wow, two in a row, barney is thoroughly."}, {"x": "and this is the best friend i ever had.", "y": "it is everything i love that marshall either."}, {"x": "i think i'll take small tits tonight.", "y": "you're yucky."}, {"x": "thank you.", "y": "thank you."}, {"x": "you share it? your share forever.", "y": "of course not!"}, {"x": "that's exactly what you are.", "y": "it is perfectly normal."}, {"x": "how we came up with that?", "y": "it was a great day out at 4 it was cool, we were relaxed, it was not freaked out."}, {"x": "our toothbrush?", "y": "yeah."}, {"x": "hey, look, barney has yet fallen one.", "y": "wow. 3 girls in 3 nights. this is gross, even from barney."}, {"x": "do not tell! you're going to jinx him!", "y": "wear what bad luck?"}, {"x": "oh, you're there. the dreaded call from dale. oh, that's my mother. she has big health problems. but why does he not call?", "y": "wait a second. want it called?"}, {"x": "yeah, but you always keep your toothbrush in the bathroom, which is, incidentally, also weird.", "y": "we kept her in the bathroom."}, {"x": "apparently, this big merger last week went wrong, and barney wears the hat.", "y": "oh, it's weird. he said nothing."}, {"x": "poor guy. it must pinball.", "y": "i'll go talk to him."}, {"x": "no! you can not distract a man who is right... you know what.", "y": "come on, it's his career. this is much more important than a stupid without..."}, {"x": "ahh! okay. you can lick my hand all you want, i will not let you ruin... ouch!", "y": "it must go talk to him."}, {"x": "thank you, skip.", "y": "so what did he say?"}, {"x": "what? oh, it will try with the girl holding the burger there.", "y": "you were supposed to talk about his loss of job."}, {"x": "lily, why is that force him to face a problem that can not adjust will help?", "y": "and why ignore it will fix things?"}, {"x": "you're much ignored the problems of dental hygiene for a dozen years. and yet you seem to...", "y": "jen coulin!"}, {"x": "i ate at the \"staten island chili's,\" and i jumped a hairdresser completely stuffed. are you happy, ulysses?", "y": "barney, we know that you are going you may get fired. wait, you ought to speak. you turn away from reality, kissing unnecessarily on all sides."}, {"x": "tell dale not like that, ok? it is twice as good as you never will!", "y": "god forbid, if you manage to find a job, sell your apartment.marshall and i, we have a free room. you can stay as long as you want."}, {"x": "lily, what are you doing?", "y": "i talk to my friend who is going through a difficult period."}, {"x": "he's doing very well.", "y": "try to sleep with seven women in seven nights, that's not what i would call \"very well get out.\" it is a cry for help."}, {"x": "his whole life is a call for help. but we do not mess with a man who is in the midst of a no...", "y": "what? without fault? flawless, faultless, flawless! grow up a little!"}, {"x": "he has no chance.", "y": "ok, i have a question. if i ruined everything, why is it that barney is in the process of hanging the girl three martinis in there?"}, {"x": "there's going to happen!", "y": "yeah, you know? doors-jinx, it does not exist."}, {"x": "i'm still not.", "y": "ok, let me do it the canadian so how do you react if one of those guys with skates and sticks came back here?"}, {"x": "oh my god, are you?", "y": "yeah, sorry. i'm so clumsy! oh, thank you. i think i twisted my ankle. do what you can bring me some ice?"}, {"x": "that's the guy, the official caps of no fault of barney. i was going to make t-shirts, but you know, sizes, all that, and it would hurt me to think.", "y": "in commemoration, at the entrance to the barney legend, this tie, worn during his seventh night of her flawless, freshly removed."}, {"x": "oh, hey guys, hey ranjit.", "y": "hey."}, {"x": "why is \"ulee's gold\" in every crossword? on to me? sorry, sorry... next sunday is valentine's day. and one lucky patient will be receiving a very special chocolate heart a human heart. ok, that reminds me, i've been meaning to ask you... robin, do you have any valentine's day plans?", "y": "he asked you out?"}, {"x": "well we were on the air, i was on the spot, so i said ok.", "y": "oh, oh, oh!"}, {"x": "i can't do that, ted. i just can't hook up with a girl if there is a hotter girl out there with whom up can be hooked.", "y": "isn't there always a hotter girl?"}, {"x": "so there's a hotter girl. isn't that the problem in a nutshell? there's too many options. you got internet dating, you got bars...", "y": "holding up your phone number on national tv."}, {"x": "wooooooo!...", "y": "wait, robin, what exactly did don say when he asked you out?"}, {"x": "errrrrrr...i... ok.", "y": "robin, don didn't ask you out."}, {"x": "it's the picking, i suck at. i pick the wrong girls. but you guys, you're the best pickers i know. you picked each other.", "y": "oh well with the slight assist from the wesleyan housing department."}, {"x": "yeah i got to agree. duck's up, rabbit down.", "y": "definitely. ducks are better than rabbits."}, {"x": "yayyyyy.", "y": "yay."}, {"x": "oh i wouldn't be so sure about that, robin. think about it. don... donald. donald... duck. and what, i wonder, does donald duck never wear?", "y": "pants."}, {"x": "aren't we supposed to go on a double date with ted?", "y": "ted? no, he's not seeing anyone. remember, he asked us to find..."}, {"x": "hey! hey, wanna get married?", "y": "i don't know what kind of architect? houses, buildings, that kind of crap."}, {"x": "wanna marry my friend ted? wanna marry my friend ted? wanna marry my friend ted?", "y": "you can be choosey? you're in a bar on valentine's day, uh!"}, {"x": "hey, just real quick... you wanna marry my friend ted?", "y": "man, ted's right, it's tough out there."}]
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