Newsgroup: it.discussioni.sentimenti
Titolo: Cosa fare quando la ragazza ti lascia

un utile contributo trovato su alt.romance....
                                       Valentino
What to Do When Women Break Up With You
By Bernard Chapin
MensNewsDaily.com
Saturday, January 10, 2004
Even legendary heroes must sometimes have to suffer
vicious reversals.  Disaster does not only befall people
like you and I.  It has, without exception, marred the
lives of all men.  General Grant had his Cold Harbor,
General Lee had Gettysburg, Churchill had Gallipoli, but
for you and I, in less heroic circumstances, it could
well be ruination by some young, luscious vixen who, by
design or accident, succeeded in acquiring the key to all
of our endorphin receptors.
Maybe you went out with her for a month or maybe you saw
her for three years, yet, whatever the duration, your
time together was drenched with pheromones, saliva,
testosterone, fascination and euphoria.  On your end, it
was love or, at least, love's very close approximation.
For once, everything in life really was copasetic.  Your
thoughts of the future affected you like an IV full of
cocaine.  It didn't matter what this particular future
happened to be.  Your hopes could have been either
conventional or wildly unconventional.  
If you happen to be a chump like me, then your wishes
involved getting married and having children.  In you're
like my friend Vivo, an idyllic relationship manifests
living together and seeing the world.  If you're like my
pal Johnny Q-bacca, a personal utopia includes
copulations with all of her friends, cousins, and
sisters– along with the muscular presence of electrical
cables, photographic collections, and homemade videos.  
My point is, regardless of the specifics, occasionally
you come across a wonderful girl who makes you see a
horizon that looks mighty good indeed.  She answers all
questions.  
Then, in the midst of perfection, she suddenly breaks up
with you.  You, of course, do not see it coming.  It's as
if you're a character in a Loony Toons episode when an
anvil descends from the sky.  It leavens both you and the
skyscraper of expectations you began to construct. 
She came to your final meeting bearing plans for another
Pearl Harbor while you came bearing admiration and
(hopefully not) flowers and presents.  It is her vocal
chords, in this case, that will deliver the bombs and,
when they come, they will be deceptively encased in a
tone of honesty and caring that undoubtedly comes right
out of a ''When it's Time for Him to Go'' episode of
Oprah or Jenny Jones.  
You may hear, ''I just don't think this is working'' or
''I want something different than you'' or who knows what
else.  But what difference does her explanation make?
Don't even bother listening.  It doesn't matter what she
says.  If something like this comes up in conversation
then you're done anyway.  It's over.  Now she's looking
for someone else if she hasn't found him already.  
Exactly this happened to Vivo's lifting partner.  His
girl broke up with him suddenly and unexpectedly.  When
she did it, he made the mistake of listening and
believing her glossy explanations, so he held her torch
for two months thereafter.  He even moronically defended
her when Vivo and I told him it was time to move on.  
One Sunday he went with Vivo and Vivo's squeeze, Hazel,
to the diner across the street for brunch.  It happened
to be a location that he often frequented with his ex.
On the way in he saw her walking out with a guy.  They
had obviously only recently woken up and for her it was
on the wrong side of the new guy's bed.  
She greeted him, ''Hey.''  When he looked dumbfounded
that she was holding some guy's hand, she snottily
informed him, ''I live here too.  You know this isn't
just a restaurant for you.  Get over it.''
Put yourself in his position but this time just say
''no.''  Don't listen to a siren's song.  Let her talk
and talk...after you leave.  A Grimm Fable will be told
to you and, due to your feelings for her, you may believe
it.  This will make you the only person in the world who
does.  
When she breaks up with you, there are several options.
You could try to talk her out of it but that is the
stupidest choice of all.  In such a scenario, she could
become a serial player with you paying her rent.  When
she's caught either through visual or DNA evidence,
she'll rationalize her guilt away with: ''I told you I
wanted to break up but you wouldn't let me and that's why
I strayed'' [and strayed and strayed].   Don't argue with
her.  Let her go.  This way the public knows that
whatever or whoever she's doing is not a reflection upon
you.  
Notice that I said ''public'' here which is
unquestionably a red flag for many readers.  You may be
thinking ''what do I care what other people think?''
Okay, you're right...most of the time.  I too don't
usually care about societal perceptions but the public
embarrassment of her behavior will eventually erode your
confidence and turn you into a two foot tall version of
your former self.
You could also react to the break up in other deleterious
ways.  You could go ballistic, you could yell, you could
threaten her, even start balling, you could stalk her or
even say that you're going to kill yourself, but none of
these options should be considered or enacted.  
First, if you did any of that stuff, it would fulfill the
fantasies of every radical feminist who ever walked– in
their anxious and toothless Cro-Magnon fashion– on the
face of this earth.  They'd run around telling women who
are normally too bright or attractive to acknowledge
them, ''See!  All men are all beasts!  Contribute to
NOW.''  You can't have that on your conscience.
Second, none of these outrageous actions yield anything
more than temporary benefit. Why go to jail over some
girl who doesn't give a damn about you?  Why kill
yourself for someone who has already began moving her
things into Johnny Q-Bacca's porn shack before she ends
things with you?  And what good does stalking accomplish?
You think she'll a slut?  Now you'll get proof.
Congratulations.  No, to hell and damnation with counter-
productive acts.  
What I'm saying here is that you should be positive.
Now, at this moment, when things cannot be any darker, is
when you should have a character moment and defend your
honor.  
What you do after she breaks up with you goes directly
into the annals of history.  Do not let sterling
opportunities for redemption slip away.  When you're down
about something else a decade later, you can always
reflect back on what you did after some girl gave you the
hammer and say to yourself, with Churchillian authority,
''That was my finest hour.''  It will be and monuments
will be built anew after she's gone.  
The method of response I'm about to share applies to
women you love, to those you merely like, or even to
those whose hips are the only part with which you
genuinely enjoy interacting.  The method can deployed
either on the phone or in person.  
The first thing you should do is stare them in eye.  Then
drain your body of emotion before speaking.  This might
be easier than you think because you may be in a state of
shock at the terrible news she's issued.  On the phone,
voice quality is all that's needed, but, if you are
standing or sitting before them, then you should shrug
your shoulders and slouch as if your remote control just
discovered six consecutive hours of football.  
Whatever you do, don't let your speech roll.  You're not
selling anything in the traditional manner.  You don't
want to act like a conman.  Be deliberate.  This will
allow your words to resonate as the truth.  Talk softly
and choppily, as if each word was a short step up a
mountain.  Then impart:
Gee, that's too bad...[Look around a bit here]  I really
enjoyed sleeping with you...I mean, you know, your body's
awesome...[full smile now]...I'll be sad to see that
[insert her most attractive body part here] go...I know
I'll never forget you.  I'll fantasize about you
everyday, especially before I go to sleep at night.
That's it.  The effect will be the same as Bret Favre
showing up to play Quarterback in the fourth quarter for
the local high school team.  With those simple sentences
you've turned a 49-3 route into a 23-20 overtime loss.
She, if you do a good job and walk away like a gentlemen,
will be outraged and confused about your relationship for
the rest of her days.  More importantly, you have
permanently restored nobility to your house, and have
esteem from which to draw upon in future crises.
Think about it, does anybody make movies or write books
about the strength of character a person displays after
they win the lottery?  Absolutely not.  They write and
film epics concerning how we act under adverse or
horrific conditions.  That's what people care about and
remember.  Who cares how the way in which a person dances
after winning the Indiana superball?
Why does my approach work?  Because your soon-to-be ex
thought you were in love with her and now, just through a
short speech at a dire time, you have de-legitimized
every kiss, every card, every present, every phone call,
every dinner with her relatives, every night with her
friends, and every ''I love you'' that you ever
whispered.  You responded to her sneak attack with
nuclear tipped missiles and your strike will send her
sprawling into chaos.
Every single woman, even the nastiest beast on the
planet, secretly harbors the fear that men are only
interested in them for sexual satisfaction.  Now, you
have highlighted their fears with a mighty green marker
and make them a reality.  
You don't need to argue with her or say anything else.
Your merely mentioning her breasts or butt at a time of
assumed bereavement is enough to dismantle all the pride
she previously generated by thoughts of giving you the
heave ho. This was supposed to be your concession speech
and it was, but all you conceded was that her physical
attributes will be missed.  
You, Gawain, are now a hero.
Think about all the terrible things you eliminate by
quoting the recommended passage above. She had the tale
pre-configured before your meeting began.  You were set
to go down in her life as just another sucker who wasn't
good enough.  
She'd be gaily cranking out the story concerning your
termination at every opportunity for the next several
decades. She'd tell the way in which you groveled or had
a meltdown to her girlfriends, her parents, her co-
workers, her husband's to be, and maybe even some clown
that she paid to entertain her kid at his fifth birthday
party.  The plot would have been ugly and emotion filled.
Let's use the author as an example:
''Bernard was crushed.  He really loved me.  He was so
upset.  I don't know if he was ever right after it was
over.  Bernard kept going out searching and searching for
my replica.  Who knows if he found her?  I hear him and
Dianabol are slowly drinking themselves to death.  When
will they get smart and move to the suburbs?  What empty
lives they lead.''
Now, after the little speech when asked about what
happened with the affair, she'll snap,
''I don't want to talk about Bernard.  Don't ever bring
up his name again.''
Now, you have accomplished something that one hundred
scheming, pathologically lying, Marxist professors never
could; you have completely rewritten history.  Who was
once a dope is now an enigma.  Congratulations.  
Of course, this doesn't actually lessen your pain because
you probably did love her and will be demoralized for a
short-time by her departure, but she's not your friend
any more and pride must be preserved at all costs.  Cry
on your pillow, punch the wall, or scream on the veranda,
just make sure you do it after she's gone.  
There is no chapter in this book in which I more strongly
urge you, as a reader, to follow my advice.  As Hillary
would say, ''in your heart you know Bern's right.''  
Bernard Chapin is a writer in Chicago. 
http://mensnewsdaily.com/archive/c-e/chapin/2004/chapin011004.htm

 un utile contributo trovato su alt.romance....
Piu' utile se fosse stato in italiano e se ci fosse stato solo il link,
in modo che chi non fosse interessato al contenuto non fosse costretto a
scaricarselo.
-Stefano

non è esente da responsabilità,
Nessuno ha detto che non dovesse passare. Il post e' in topic ma e' di
dubbia utilita' in inglese e di dubbia utilita' incollarlo tutto invece
di fornire solo il link.
-Stefano