Newsgroup: italia.ascolipiceno.discussioni
Titolo: un po' di umorismo da usa

scusate se e' in inglese ma tradotta non fa ridere e ho visto che voi
parlate anche inglese,
buon divertimento
CHILI COOK-OFFS
   NOTE: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to
the first two judges, the reaction of the third is even better. For
those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how True this is! They
actually have a chili cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to town.
It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome! You
will likely want to read this behind closed doors because, if you are
like me, you will be howling out loud.
 INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER
Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester Named FRANK, who was visiting
Texas from the East Coast    "Recently, I was honored to be selected as
a judge at a chili cook-off.  The original person called in sick at the
last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table
asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came. I was assured
by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all
that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the
tasting, So I accepted."
 Here are the scorecards from the event:
 _______________________________________________________
  CHILI # 1 MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI
  JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
 JUDGE TWO: Nice,smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
  FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried
paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I
hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
_______________________________________________________
 CHILI # 2 ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.
 JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
  FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children I'm not sure what I am
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted
to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when
they saw the look on my face.
 _______________________________________________________
  CHILI # 3 FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
   JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
  JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
 FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like
I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now get me
more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my
backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from
all the beer.
 _______________________________________________________
   CHILI # 4 BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
 JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
   JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish
or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
   FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
taste it, is it possible to burnout taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting
to
 look HOT just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an
aphrodisiac?
 _______________________________________________________
   CHILI # 5 LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
 JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
 considerable kick. Very Impressive.
 JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
   FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
 paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
chili had given me brain damage, Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by
pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to
stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!
  _______________________________________________________
   CHILI # 6 VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
  JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
 spice and peppers.
 JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
garlic. Superb.
   FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
 sulfuric flames. I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will
eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except
that Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips
anymore.
I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!
 _______________________________________________________
CHILI # 7 SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
 JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
   JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
 chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried
 about Judge Number 3, He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is
 cursing uncontrollably.
  FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
 wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world
sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which
slid
 unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to
match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what
killed me.
 I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not
getting
 any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the
4-inch
 hole in my stomach.
___________________________________________________
CHILI # 8
  JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for
all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare it's existence.
  JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
or hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3
passed
out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not
sure if
he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a
really 
 hot chili? 
sea man

 buon divertimento
Belle, grazie.
Io l'ho mangiato in mexico. Non so se il chili texano è più piccante, ma 
posso assicurare a tutti che non c'è paragone con il nostro peperoncino.
Anche le salse extra-strong non erano piccanti come il peperoncino 
abruzzese o calabrese. Per non parlare poi dell'aroma che viene fuori 
dal peperoncino fresco sott'olio....

 ha scritto nel messaggio
news:V1%Ef.76732$eD5.1...@twister2.libero.it...

io ho assaggiato un peperoncino ottenuto da un incrocio tra quello abruzzese
e calabrese... è fuoco in forma di vegetale! O_O