Newsgroup: it.hobby.umorismo
Titolo: Bionde per tutti (in inglese)


Newsgroups: no.vitser
Subject: Re: Blondes
The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes
        -----------------------------------
     Q:   How do blonde braincells die ?
     A:   Alone.
     Q:   How do you brainwash a blonde?
     A:   Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
     Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
     A1: Blow in her ear.
     A2: Buy her another beer.
     Q:  How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
     A:  Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
     Q:  How do you get a blonde pregnant?
     A:  Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
     Q:  How do you get a blonde to marry you?
     A:  Tell her she's pregnant.
     Q:  What will she ask you?
     A:  "Is it mine?"
     Q:  How does a blonde kill a fish?
     A:  She drowns it.
     Q:  How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
     A:  Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
     Q:  How does a blonde hold her liquor?
     A:  By the ears.
     Q:    How does a blonde moonwalk?
     A:    She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
     Q:     Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
     A:     The rest are hunt'n peckers.
     Q:     What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
     A:     An air bag.
     Q:     Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
     A:     It's too hard to re-train them.
     Q:      What do blondes do for foreplay?
     A:      Remove their underwear.
     Q:      What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
     A:      Their heels.
     Q:      What is the brunette's mating call?
     A:      When is that blond bitch going to leave!?
     Q:      Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
     A:      They don't know the route.
     Q:      Why do blondes work seven days a week?
     A:      So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
     Q:      What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
     A:      It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
     Q:   What is foreplay for a blonde?
     A:   Thirty minutes of begging.
     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
     A:   Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
     A1:  You need a quarter to use the phone.
     A2:  Only one person can use the phone at once.
     Q:   What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
     A:   They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
     Q:   What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless
   Ming vase?
     A:   "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
     Q:   How does a blonde commit suicide?
     A:   She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
     Q:   How do you plant dope?
     A:   Bury a blonde.
     Q:   Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
     A:   Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during
parades.
     Q:  How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
     A:  Wave to her.
     Q:  How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
     A:  With a tire gauge!  (da da dum)
     Q:  How does the blond turn on the light after she
  has had sex?
     A:  She opens the car door.
     Q:  How does a blonde get pregnant?
     A:  And I thought blondes were dumb!
     Q:   How does a blonde part their hair?
     A1:  (Action of scissoring legs apart)
     A2:  By doing the splits.
     Q:   How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
     A:   Shine a torch in her ears.
     Q:   How do you change a blonde's mind?
     A1:  Blow in her ear.
     A2:  Buy her another beer.
     Q:   How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
     A1:  She drops her nail-file!
     A2:  Who cares?
     A3:  She says, "Next".
     A4:  The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
     A5:  He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
     A6:  I mean, who really cares?
     A7:  The batteries have run out.
     Q:   How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
     A:   Shine a flashlight in their ear.
     Q:   Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
     A:   (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
     Q:   How do you kill a blonde?
     A:   Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
     Q:   How do blondes pierce their ears?
     A:   They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
     Q:   How does a blonde like her eggs?
     A:   Unfertilized.
     Q:   How do you drown a blond?
     A1:  Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
     A2:  Don't tell her to swallow.
     A3:  Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
     Q:   How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
     A:   The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
     Q:   How does a blonde high-5?
     A:   She smacks herself in the forehead.
     Q:   How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling
   idiots?
     A:   Flattered.
     Q:   What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
     A:   A know-it-all bitch.
     Q:   What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a
   skinny blonde?
     A:   One's a phony buck.
      Q:   What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and
    a magician?
      A:   A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
      Q:   What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
      A:   One that never misses a period.
      Q:   What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
      A:   An Italian suppository.
      Q:   Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
      A:   Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.
      Q:   What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and
    eating Jell-o?
      A:   Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.
      Q:   What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
     A1:   I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
     A2:   Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't
    stop until it gets blood.
      Q:   Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
      A:   She was having sunny periods.
      Q:   What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
      A:   Her feet!
      Q:   How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
      A:   When she farts, her knees bag.
      Q:   What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
      A:   Marriage.
      Q:   How is a blonde like a frying pan?
      A:   You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
      Q:   How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
      A:   A 69 interrupted by a period.
      Q:   How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
      A:   Tell them a joke on Friday night !
      Q:   How do you describe the perfect blonde?
      A:   3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
      Q:   How do you confuse a blonde?
      A:   You don't. They're born that way.
      Q: How do ya paralyze a blonde from the neck down?
      A: Marry her.
      Q:   How do you drive a blonde crazy?
      A:   Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
      Q:   How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate
    chip cookies?
      A:   You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
      Q:   What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
      A:   Proofreading.
      Q:   Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
      A:   For throwing out the W's.
      Q:   How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
      A:   She threw it off a cliff.
      Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
      A: She fell out of the tree.
      Q:   How did the blonde die drinking milk?
      A:   The cow fell on her.
      Q:   How did the blonde burn her nose?
      A:   Bobbing for french fries.
      Q:   How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
      A:   She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering
    what she did with her pencil.
     Q1:  How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
      A:  There's white-out on the screen.
     Q2:  How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
      A:  There's writing on the white-out.
     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
     A:   You only have to punch information into a computer once.
     Q:   What did the blonde think of the new computer?
     A:   She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....
      Q:   How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
      A:   By the lipstick on your cucumbers.
      Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
      A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the
       bosses' faces.
      Q:  How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
      A:  By the buckle print on her forehead.
      Q:  How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
      A:  He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression
   in her forehead!
     Q:   How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
     A:   She has a checkbook.
     Q:   How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
     A:   There is a stamp on it.
     Q:   How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
     A:   She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
     A:   It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
 Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
     A:   The blonde has the higher sperm count.
     Q:  What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
     A:  The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.
     Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a
 blonde track team?
     A: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.
     Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
     A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.
     Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac,
 and a blonde?
     A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?"
      The nympho says "Are you done already?"
      The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the
   ceiling beige."
     Q:  What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
     A:  A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
     Q:  What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
     A:  You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
     Q:  What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
     A:  Your job still sucks after 6 months.
     Q:  What's the difference between a blond having her period and
  a terrorist?
     A:  You can negotiate with a terrorist.
     Q:  What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
     A:  A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.
     Q:  What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
     A:  In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a
   blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
     A:   Not everybody has been in a limo.
     Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
     A1:  You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
     A2:  You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
     A3:  There is no difference. They're both round and have
   three holes to poke.
     A4:  You don't eat your bowling ball
     Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of
   York?
     A:   The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
   Q:   What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with
   PMS?
     A:   Lipstick.
     Q:   Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
     A:   You can park in the handicap zone.
     Q:   Why is a blonde like a turtle?
     A:   They both get fucked up when they're on their back.
     Q:   Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
     A:   It takes too long to retrain them.
     Q:   Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
     A:   They're doing research on black holes.
     Q:   Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
     A:   So she can have a doggie bag for later.
     Q:   Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every
   month?
     A:   Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."
     Q:   Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
     A1:  So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
     A2:  So that when they're on the train they can tell
   if they're going to work or coming home.
     Q:   Why do men like blonde jokes??
     A:   Because they can understand them.
     Q:   Why do blondes like lightning?
     A:   They think someone is taking their picture.
     Q:   Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a
   flat forehead?
     A:   Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!
     Q:   Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
     A:   From eating with forks.
     Q:   Why do blondes have more fun?
     A:   Because they don't know any better.
    *A:   They are easier to keep amused.
     Q:   Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
     A:   Because you don't have to marry them for sex!
     Q:   Why do blondes have legs?
     A1:  So they don't get stuck to the ground.
     A2:  To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
     A3:  So they don't leave trails, like little snails.
     Q:   Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
     A:   So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
    A2:   So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
     Q:   Why do blondes drive BMWs?
     A:   Because they can spell it.
     Q:   Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
     A:   *Who cares?*
     Q:  Why do blondes have periods?
     A:  They deserve them
     Q:  Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
     A:  From dating blonde men.
     Q:  Why do blondes wear tampons?
     A:  Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.
     Q:   Why do blondes drive VW's
     A:   Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!
     Q:   Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
     A:   To cover up the valve stem.
     Q:   Why do blonds have square boobs?
     A:   Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.
     Q:   Why do Blondes take the pill?
     A:   So they know what day of the week it is.
     Q:   But why do brunettes take the pill ?
     A:   Wishful Thinking.
     Q:   Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
     A:   Toes go in first.
     Q:   Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
     A:   Tits go in front.
     Q:   Why do blondes like tilt steering?
     A:   More head room.
     Q:   Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
     A:   More leg room.
     Q:   Why do blonds have orgasms ?
     A:   So they know when to stop having sex !
     Q:   Why do blondes wear underwear?
     A:   They make good ankle warmers.
     Q:   Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax
   now in effect in Canada)
     A:   Because they can spell it.
     Q:   What is 74 to a blonde?
     A:   69 plus G.S.T.
     Q:   Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
     A:   Because red means stop.
     Q:   Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
     A:   Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
     Q:   Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
     A:   They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
     Q:   Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
     A:   Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
     Q:   Why do blondes wear their hair up?
     A:   To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.
     Q:   Why don't blondes double recipes?
     A:   The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
     Q:   Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
     A:   They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.
     Q:   Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
    A1:   They can't remember the number.
    A2:   She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.
     Q:   Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
     A:   They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".
     Q:   Why don't blondes eat bananas?
     A:   They can't find the zipper.
     Q:   Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini
   skirts?
     A:   Cause their balls show!
     Q:   Why don't blonds breast feed?
     A:   Because they always burn their niples.
     Q:   Why don't blondes use vibrators?
     A:   They chip their teeth.
     Q:   Why don't blondes eat Jello?
     A:   They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into
   those little packages.
     Q:   Why don't blondes eat pickles?
     A:   Because they can't get their head in the jar.
     Q:   What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
    A1:   Introduces themself.
    A2:   Walks home.
     Q:   What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
     A:   Opens the car door.
     Q:   What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
     A:   Bucket seats.
     Q:   What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate
   before  having sex?
     A:   Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
  Q:   How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
    A1:   "What's a lightbulb?"
    A2:   One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
    A3:   Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
     Q:   What's a blonde's favourite wine?
     A:   "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
     Q:   What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
     A:   Not everyone has been in a 747
     Q:   What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
     A:   A brunette with bad breath.
     Q:   Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart
   blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10
   bill. Who picks it up?
     A:   The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa
   Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
    A2:   None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought
   it was a gum wrapper.
     Q:   If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who
   hits the ground first?
     A:   The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
     Q:   What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
     A:   Her IQ goes up!
     Q:   Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
     A:   You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
     Q:   What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
     A:   Butter is difficult to spread.
     Q:   What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
     A:   They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
     Q:   What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
     A:   Bigfoot has been spotted.
     Q:   Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
     A:   Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it
   won't follow you around for a week.
     Q:   What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
     A:   "Nice tits!"
   Q:   What does a blonde make best for dinner?
     A:   Reservations.
     Q:   What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a
   recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
     A:   Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
     Q:   What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
     A:   Pack their lunch and send them to work.
     Q:   What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
     A:   Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
     Q:   What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
     A:   They both get easier to pick-up with age.
     Q:  What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
     A:  It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
     Q:  What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
    A1:  They both have a black box.
    A2:  Both have a cockpit.
     Q:  What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her
  thoughts?
     A:  Change.
     Q:  What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
     A:  "Thanks for the refill!"
     Q:  What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
     A:  They pull up their pants.
     Q:  What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
     A:  Last years hide and go seek winner.
     Q:  What do you call a basement full of blondes?
     A:  A whine cellar.
     Q:  What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
     A:  Air bubbles.
     Q:  What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half
  with yeast infections?
     A:  A whine and cheese party!
     Q:   What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing
on a
   street corner?
     A:   4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, 4 f*cks, not for a zillion f*cks, 4 f*cks!
     Q:   What do you call a blonde lesbian?
     A:   A waste.
 Q:   What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
     A:   An air mattress.
      Q:  What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
      A:  An Air Bag.
      Q:  What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
      A:  A mental block.
      Q:  What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
      A:  A wind tunnel.
      Q:  What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
      A:  A dope ring.
      Q:  What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
      A:  Divorcee'
      Q:   What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
      A:   Pregnant.
      Q:  What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher
   learning?
      A:  A visitor.
     Q:   What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
     A:   Gifted!
     Q:   What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their
   head?
     A:   All you can eat, under a buck.
     Q:   What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
     A:   An interpreter.
     Q:   What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
     A:   Sweet Fuck All...
     Q:   What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
     A:   Frosted Flakes.
     Q:   What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
     A:   Frosted Flakes.
     Q:   What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
     A:   A Space Invader.
     Q:   What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
     A:   Branch Manager.
     Q:   What do you call a smart blond?
    A1:   A golden retriever.
    A2:   An indicator of a really bad hangover.
     Q:   What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
     A:   Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
     Q:   What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
     A:   The back of her head.
     Q:   What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
     A:   Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to
   do...
     Q:   What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
     A:   Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks,
   four bucks.
     Q:   What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
     A:   Artificial intelligence.
     Q:   What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
     A:   You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they
   go down on you.
     Q:   What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
     A:   Pull the pin and throw it back.
     Q:   What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
     A:   chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
     Q:   What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more
   attractive?
     A:   Her ankles.
     Q:   What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
     A:   "Have another beer."
     Q:   What do Blondes say after sex?
    A1:   Thanks Guys.
    A2:   Are you boys all in the same band?
    A3:   Do you guys all play for the (..............)?  insert team
   name here.
     Q:   What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
     A:   "Thanks for the refill!"
     Q:   What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
     A:   The more you bang it the looser it gets.
     Q:   What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
     A:   They're both empty from the neck up.
     Q:   What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
     A:   They both wriggle when you eat them.
     Q:   What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
     A:   They both have black roots.
     Q:   What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
     A:   The back of her head.
     Q:   What does a blonde owl say?
     A:   What, what?
     Q:   What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
     A:   A brain tumor.
     Q:  What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
     A:  Two brunettes.
     Q:   What do a blonde and Presdient Gorbachev have in common?
     A:   They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
     Q:   What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
     A:   He knows who the ten men were.
     Q:   How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip
   cookies?
     A1:  10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
     A2:  Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
     Q:   What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
     A:   If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
     Q:   What's the Blonde's cheer?
     A:   " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well..
   I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
     Q:   Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
     A:   So she could keep the refrigerator cold!
     Q:   Why did the blonde cross the road?
     A:   Never mind that!  What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
     R:  I don't know.
     A:  Neither did she.
     Q:   Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
     A:   To see what was on the other side.
     Q:   Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
     A:   Because her boyfriend was also blond!
     Q:   Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
     A:   Too many blondes were drowning.
     Q:   Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
     A:   They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
     Q:   Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
     A:   Because she gave blow-jobs literally.
     Q:   Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
     A:   She realized she gave her last blowjob.
     Q:   Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
     A:   So her male would get delivered to the right box.
     Q:   Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
     A:   From crawling across the street when the sign said
   "DON'T WALK".
     Q:   Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
     A:   In case she locks the keys in her car.
     Q:   Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
     A:   So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
     Q:   Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
     A:   So she could lip read.
     Q:   Why did God create blondes?
     A:   Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
     Q:   Why did God create brunettes?
     A:   Neither could the blondes.
      Q:  Why did the blonde wear Condoms on her ears?
      A:  So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
      Q:  Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
      A:  To turn the blinker off.
      Q:  Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
      A:  She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
      Q:  Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
      A:  To see what was on the other side.
      Q:  Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
      A:  Because she loved children.
      Q:  Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ??
      A:  She thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period.
      Q:  Why did they call the blond twinkie?
      A:  She liked to be filled with cream.
     Q:   Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn
   around and come home?
     A:   It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was
   a television.
     Q:   Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
     A:   She'd just dyed her hair.
     Q:   Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
     A:   She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it
   blown around too much.
     Q:   Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
     A:   Because it kept falling out.
     Q:   Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her
   jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
     A:   Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
     Q:   Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
     A:   Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
     Q:   What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
     A1:  The Blonde!
     A2:  The other guys waiting their turn.
     Q:   What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been
   picked  up by 'the fuzz'?
     A:   'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
     Q:   What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of
   Cheerios?
     A:   "Oh look!  Donut seeds!"
     Q:   What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
     A:   Spot.
     Q:   What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
     A:   Air Supply.
     Q:   Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
     A:   A blond electrician
     Q:   Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
     A1:  So brunettes can remember them.
     A2:  Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
     Q:   Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
     A:   She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
     Q:   Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
     A:   Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
     Q:   What did the blonde do when she got her period?
     A:   Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
     Q:   Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
     A:   Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
     Q:  Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
     A:  They keep breaking them with the hammers.
     Q:  What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
     A:  Perri-air
     Q:  Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
     A:  Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was
       still stuck.
Q:  When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
     A:  When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
      Q:  What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
      A:  The Air Pump!
      Q:  Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
      A:  Because she got an F in sex.
      Q:  Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the
   air?
      A:  She missed.
      Q:  Why are there no dumb brunettes?
      A:  Peroxide.
      Q:  What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.
      A:  Nothing - they've never met.
      Q:  What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
      A:  She can't say "No".
     Q:   What's the mating call of the blonde?
     A:   "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
     Q:   What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
     A:   (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
     Q:   What's the mating call of the brunette?
     A:   "All the blondes have gone home!"
     Q:   What's a brunette's mating call ?
     A:   Has that blonde gone yet?
     Q:   What's the mating call of the redhead?
     A:   "Next!"
      Q:  What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
      A:  Data transfer.
      Q:  Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Supermarket
   Trolley.
      A:  A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
      Q.  Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
      A.  They can't keep their calves together!
      Q:  What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment?
      A:  An IN-body experience!
      Q:  When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
      A:  After a dye job.
      Q:  What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
      A:  Humpme Dumpme.
  Q:  What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading
   her nametag) ?
      A:  "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
      Q:  What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
      A:  A blonde going through a flashing red light.
      Q:  Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a
   blonde drives a car?
      A:  Cause she blows the horn!!!!!
      Q:  Why is a blonde like a door knob?
      A:  'Cause everybody gets a turn.
      Q:  Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
      A:  'Cause she's been laid all over the country.
      Q:  Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
      A:  She kept having affairs with men!
      Q:  If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge,
   who would die first?
      A:  The brunette -- because the blonde would have to
   stop and ask for directions.
      Q:  To a blonde, what is long and hard?
      A:  Grade 4.
      Q:  What is the difference between a blonde and
   a refrigerator?
      A:  A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your
   meat out of it.
      Q:  What is the definition of gross ignorance?
      A:  144 blondes.
      Q:  Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
      A:  Because at 69 they blow a rod...
      Q:   Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
      A:   Because they can't even keep two calves together!
      Q:   What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
      A:   Humpme Dumpme.
     Q:   Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
     A:   Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
     Q:   What did the blonde say to the physicist?
     A:   "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission!  What do you use for bait?"
     Q:   Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to
death
   in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
     A:   They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
     Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
     A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
     Q:   What is the definition of the perfect woman?
     A:   A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
     Q:   Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
     A:   They both drip when they're fucked.
     Q:   How would a blond punctuate the following?:
  "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
     A:   Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
     Q:   Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
     A:   It swells at night.
     Q:   A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm.
   She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
     A:   The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
     Q:   A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should
   cut it in six or twelve pieces.
     A:   "Six, please.  I could never eat twelve pieces."
     Q:   What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
     A:   Locking the car door.
     Q:   Did you hear about the blonde who was disappointed when
   she got her driver's license?
     A:   The instructor gave her an "F" in sex.
     Q:   Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
     A:   Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
     Q:   What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents
   occur around the home?
     A:   She moved.
     Q:   What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
     A:   A blonde parade.
     Q:   Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
     A:   They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
     Q:   Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her
   husband's car?
     A:   She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
  I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
     She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
     This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when
     the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull
     you finger out, I'll sink?"
     A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven.   When she got to the Pearly
     Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into
     Heaven, you have to pass a test."
     "Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
     "Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
     The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
     "That's interesting...  What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
     Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me!  Andy talks with me!
     Andy tells me..."
     Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out
     a book called "How to Hug"?  Got back to the dorm and found out it
     was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...
     A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
   "I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
     A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they
     just don't remember who with.
     Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw
     a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.  The driver
     blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like
     that that give us a bad name!"  To this the other blonde replied "I
     know it, and if I knew how to swim I'd go out there and drown her."
     ... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the
     slogan "Billions Served - just today"
     What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
     Her husband is out looking for the other man.
 A painting contractor was speaking with a woman aobut her job.  In
     the first room she said she would like a pale blue.  The contractor
     wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out
     "GREEN SIDE UP!"  In the second room she told the painter she would
     like it painted in a soft yellow.  He wrote this on his pad, walked
     to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"  The lady was
     somewhat curious but she said nothing.  In the third room she said
     she would like it painted a warm rose color.  The painter wrote this
     down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
     The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
     "I'm sorry," came the reply.  "But I have a crew of blondes laying
     sod across the street.
     Did you hear about the blonde who:
     had more on her body than on her mind?
     was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
     took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
     got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
     was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
     had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
     thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
     was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy
cat?
     after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller
girls?
     went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
     brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
 Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
 their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
 Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
 Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting
 to rain and the top is down!
     A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the
 bartender:
     Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
     Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
     Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
     Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
     Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
     Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
     Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
     Bartender: "What's a 15?"
     Blonde: "7 and 7"
 Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the
 arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just
 know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was
 on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a
 boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says,
 "Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"
     There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natel
     checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the
     baby concieved ?"
     "He was on top ", she replyed.
     "You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
     The second woman was asked the same question.
     "I was on top ", was the reply.
     "you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
     With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.
     "Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
     "Am I going to have puppies ?".....
     Blondes...
     They take a lickin', and keep on...
     Lickin!
     Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles"
     referred to her ears?
       Over the weekend I(can't remember name - on newsgrazer) heard a
       blonde telling this joke:
   *
   *Blonde Asks:     What do you call a blonde in between two
   brunettes?
   *Blonde Answers:  An interprolater!
   *
   *We were laughing so hard we thought we were going to die.  The
    funny
   *part was that she thought we were laughing at her joke.
   Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see
   where the sun went ? It finally dawned on here.
     A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw
     a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute,
     she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
     On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
     "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles,
     she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
     How about the suicide blonde,
     she dyed by her own hand.
     A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park.  The
     brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The
     blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
     A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the
     wrong way on a one-way street.
     Cop:      Do you know where you were going?
     Blonde:   No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the
        people were leaving.
     A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
   "Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
   "Driver's licence? What's that?..."
   "It's a little card with your picture on it."
   "Oh, duh! Here it is..."
   "May I have your car insurance?"
   "What's that?..."
   "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the
        car."
   "Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."
   The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the
     blonde exclaims:"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"
     Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron", then we
     could do without the ironing lady.
     Blonde Wife:  Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we
     could do without the gardener.
  A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
 Brunette:  Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
 Blonde:  That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
 Brunette:  My god! I had no idea he was that good.
 Blonde:  ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
     Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
     them decides to call 911:
      Blonde:   We need help. We're three blondes changing
  a light bulb.
      Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
      Blonde:   Yes.
      Operator: The power in the house in on?
      Blonde:   Of course.
      Operator: And the switch is on?
      Blonde:   Yes, yes.
      Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
      Blonde:   No, it's working fine.
      Operator: Then what's the problem?
      Blonde:   We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and
  we all fell and hurt ourselves.
     What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
     He wanted to know who the other man was...
   There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a
     redhead, and a blonde.  The brunette looked over the water to the
     mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore.  So she announced,
     "I'm going to try to swim to shore."  So she swam out five miles,
     and got really tired.  She swam out ten miles from the island, and
     she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
   The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if
     she made it.  I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland
     than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out.  The
     redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam
     out 10 miles before she even  got tired.  After 15 miles, she was
     too tired to go on, so she drowned.
   So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it!
     I think I'd better try to make it, too."  So she swam out 5 miles,
     ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island.  The shore
     was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!"  So
     she swam back.
     Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down
     and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks."  The other blonde looks
     and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."  "No.
     Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguig, and one
     half hour later they were both killed by a train.
     The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what
     was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her.
     Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her
     about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can
     fuck and  suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook"
     A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they
     just don't remember who with.
     Confucious say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
    At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out
    at the same time.  A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes
    off, leaving its owner rather perplexed.  About three minutes latter,
    she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!"
 This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop.  His boss
comesout and
tell him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?"
The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive
comments
he finally agrees.
 So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes
in.
A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can
practice safe sex).  She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How
much for a box of rubbers?"
"They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax."
"Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another blonde, another store.  She goes over to the deodorant display
and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."
"Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk.
"No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."
She asks, "How much for the white dildo?"
He answers, "$35."
She:  "How much for the black one?"
He:   "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She:  "I think I'll take the black one.  I've never had a black one before."
She pays him, and off she goes.
 A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black
dildo?"
He:  "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He:  "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one.  I've never had a white one
      before..."
She pays him, and off she goes.
 About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are
your dildos?"
He:  "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He:  "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165."
She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never
     had a plaid one before...."
She pays him, and off she goes.
 Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was
gone?"
To which the saleman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo,
one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he
had
 just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish
 his justspent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before
 drinking it, herealizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks
 it in the glass to cool
 it off. Just then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered
 how you refilled those."
Blonde Medical Terminology
Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coathook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small tablet
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumour -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited

Peppe
Eccone alcune (poche) ma che mantengono un senso tradotte in italiano
(n=140):
1. Bella e giovane fanciulla veneta seduta sul sedile dell'auto del
ricco industriale veneto: "Se tu mi amassi...". "Ma no che non ti
ammasso...!".
2. L'orso bruno si suicido' perche' preferiva le bionde.
3. "Ho la pelle d'oca" come disse Sandra Milo.
4. Come si capisce se una bionda ha usato un computer ? C'e' il
bianchetto sullo schermo. E come si capisce se un'altra bionda ha
usato il computer ? E' stato scritto sul bianchetto.
5. Che differenza c'e' tra una bionda ed una palla da bowling ? 1)
Nessuna. Sono entrambe rotonde ed hanno tre buchi con i quali
gingillarsi. 2) In una palla da bowling si possono infilare solo tre
dita. 3) La bionda non entra nella palla da bowling.
6. Che differenza c'e' tra una bionda ed un uomo ? La bionda ha un
contenuto di sperma superiore.
7. Un poliziotto ferma un'auto per eccesso di velocita'. Fa segno di
abbassare il finestrino e vede una fantastica bionda: "Patente,
prego!". Lei: "Patente? Cos'e'?". Il poliziotto: "E' quel documento
che di solito si tiene nel portafoglio!". La tipa dopo un attimo
capisce e trova la patente. Allora il poliziotto chiede il libretto di
circolazione. E la bionda: "Libretto? Cos'e'?". E il poliziotto: "Di
solito si tiene nel vano portaoggetti".  Dopo un po' di casino lo
trova e lo da' al poliziotto che le dice: "Attenda, torno subito".
Chiama la centrale per confermare i dati dei documenti. Dopo un po'
dalla centrale un collega gli dice: "Questa donna guida un'auto
sportiva rossa?". "Si'" E l'altro: "E' una fantastica bionda?". "Si'".
"Allora segui il mio consiglio: restituisci i documenti e calati i
pantaloni!". Il poliziotto protesta, ma alla fine il collega lo
convince, torna dalla bionda, le rida' i documenti e si cala i
pantaloni. La tipa guarda in basso ed esclama: "Oh no! Un altro
analizzatore di fiato!".
8. Una bionda entra in un posto per telefonare a sua madre in
Australia, ma il costo e' troppo alto e lei non ha i soldi; allora
esclama: "Come faro'? Non ho abbastanza danaro con me per fare la
telefonata. Ma ho bisogno urgente di parlare con mia madre. Sono
pronta a fare qualsiasi cosa per telefonare!". L'addetto ai telefoni
allora le chiede: "Qualsiasi cosa?!". "Si', qualsiasi cosa". Allora
l'addetto le chiede di seguirlo nel retrobottega, si siede e le
ordina: "Inginocchiatevi" e la bionda si inginocchia. "Slacciatemi i
pantaloni" e la bionda gli slaccia i pantaloni. "Tiratelo fuori" e la
donna lo tira fuori". "Tenetelo con tutte e due le mani" e lei lo
prende con tutte e due le mani".  "E ora ... via!". Allora la bionda
si avvicina, mette la bocca vicino al pene dell'uomo e dice: "Allo,
maman ?".
9. Che differenza c'e' tra una bionda e Dixan?  Nessuna. Tutti e  due
danno il  meglio a 90 gradi!
10. Che differenza c'e' tra una bionda ed una Ferrari ? La Ferrari non
si presta agli amici.
11. Come si chiama una bionda con due cellule cerebrali ? Incinta.
12. Perche' le bionde prendono la pillola ? Per sapere che giorno
della settimana e'.
13. Perche' le bionde sono brave a fare pompini ? A causa del vuoto
che hanno nel cranio.
14. Differenza fra una bionda e la colomba della pace.  Quest'ultima
e' l'uccello della pace, la bionda...
15. Differenza fra una bionda e un Jumbo Jet: non tutti sono andati
con un Jumbo Jet.
16. Cosa significa 80 per una bionda ? Un 69 IVA inclusa. 
17. Differenza fra una bionda e una tartaruga: nessuna perche'
sdraiate sulla pancia sono fottute.
18. Una bionda bellissima bussa disperatamente alla mia porta da piu'
di 2 ore. Di qui io non la faccio uscire!
19. Cosa fa una bionda con due oche? Tre oche.
20. "Hai visto quell'atleta bionda che fiato che ha?". "Per forza e'
una bionda ossigenata!".
21. Una bella bionda confida ad un'amica: "Il dottore mi ha guarito
dalla mia paura del sesso. Adesso sono io che gli chiedo 100.000 lire
per una visita!".
22. Una bellissima bionda entra in un negozio di lusso e paga con un
biglietto da 100.000 lire. La commessa: "Ma e' falso!". E la bionda:
"Maledetto porco! Mi ha violentato!".
23. Perche' le bionde portano sempre la cintura?   Per separare la
latteria dalla sala giochi!
24. Qual e' l'ultimo film di Moana Pozzi? Pompe funebri.
25. Cicciolina, quando era in Parlamento, non aveva peli sulla lingua
... e quei pochi che aveva non erano neppure suoi! 
26. Cosa dice una bionda se si ritrova incinta ? ... sara' mio?
27. Da che cosa si capisce che un fax e' stato spedito da una bionda ?
C'e' sopra un francobollo!
28. Cosa dice una bionda dopo aver fatto sesso ? ... ma giocate tutti
nella stessa squadra?
29. Come muoiono le cellule cerebrali di una bionda ? Solitarie.
30. Come si chiama una bionda che si tinge i capelli di nero ?
Intelligenza artificiale.
31. Perche' e' utile avere una passeggera bionda ? Perche' si puo'
parcheggiare nella zona riservata agli handicappati.
32. Perche' non si dovrebbero concedere pause per il caffe' alle
bionde ? Perche' e' difficile rieducarle.
33. Qual e' la differenza tra una bionda con le mestruazioni ed un
terrorista ? Con il terrorista si puo' negoziare.
34. Cosa fa una donna fuori dalla cucina ? Turismo !
35. Perche' le bionde portano le giarrettiere nere? In memoria di
quelli che sono passati.
36. Come una bionda accende la luce dopo aver fatto all'amore? Apre la
portiera dell'auto.
37. Qual e' la differenza fra una bionda e una zanzara? La zanzara
smette di succhiare quando le dai una manata!
38. Perche' le bionde portano gli slip? Per tenere le caviglie al
caldo!
39. Come si confonde una bionda ? Mettila in una stanza tonda e dille
di pisciare in un angolo.
40. Come vogliono le loro uova le bionde la mattina ? Non
fertilizzate.
41. Perche' le bionde sorridono durante i temporali ? Credono che
qualcuno stia facendo loro una foto.
42. Perche' le bionde hanno 2 neuroni in piu' delle vacche? Per non
fare muuu quando gli tocchi le zizze.
43. Perche' le bionde hanno 1 neurone piu' dei cavalli ? Per non
cagare durante le parate...
44. Come capisci se una bionda ha usato il tuo PC ? Il joystick e'
umido...
45. Come capisci se una bionda sta male ? Ha il tampax nei capelli e
non riesce a trovare la penna ...
46. Un cieco passa davanti al mercato del pesce e dice: "Ahhh, bionde,
ciao ragazze".
47. Come fai a far ridere una bionda di venerdi' ? Dille una battuta
il lunedi'...
48. Come si chiama una bionda con mezzo cervello ? Una bionda con
talento.
49. Cosa ha detto la gamba destra alla gamba sinistra della bionda ?
Niente, non si sono mai incontrate.
50. Perche' le bionde si lavano i capelli nel lavandino ? Perche' e'
dove si lava la verdura.
51. Quand'e' che una brunetta ha mezzo cervello ? Dopo una tintura.
52. Perche' la bionda non ha voluto un posto accanto al finestrino
sull'aereo ? Perche' si era appena tinta i capelli.
53. Perche' la bionda non ha voluto un posto accanto al finestrino
sull'aereo ? Perche' si era appena asciugati i capelli e non voleva
scompigliarseli.
54. Come si fa a fare risplendere gli occhi di una bionda ? Si accende
una torcia accanto ad un suo orecchio.
55. Qual'e' la differenza tra una bionda ed un computer ? Al computer
basta dare le informazioni una volta.
56. Cosa ha pensato la bionda del nuovo computer ? Non le e' piaciuto
perche' non riusciva a prendere Italia 1.
57. Perche' le bionde portano spalline molto imbottite ? (agitando la
testa da spalla a spalla) Non lo so !
58. Come si uccide una bionda ? Si mettono aghi sulle sue spalline.
59. Come si bucano le orecchie le bionde ? Mettono aghi sulle loro
spalline.
60. Perche' le bionde non mangiano sottaceti ? Perche' non riescono a
mettere la testa dentro il vasetto. 
61. Perche' le bionde non mangiano banane ? Perche' non riescono a
trovare la cerniera oppure non riescono a trovare il tappo.
62. Perche' le bionde portano orecchini ad anello (quelli grandi)?
Devono pure avere un posto dove riposare le caviglie...
63. Cosa mette una bionda dietro le orecchie per rendersi piu'
attraente ? Le sue caviglie.
64. Perche' le bionde portano rossetto verde ? Perche' rosso significa
stop.
65. Perche' le bionde portano rossetto rosso ? Perche' rosso significa
: "Stop, buco sbagliato".
66. Come fai a capire se una bionda e' stata nel tuo frigorifero ? Dal
rossetto sui cetrioli.
67. Perche' le bionde non usano vibratori ? Perche' scheggiano loro i
denti.
68. Cosa fanno le bionde come preliminari ? Si tolgono le mutandine.
69. Perche' le bionde di San Francisco non portano minigonne nere ?
Perche' si vedono le palle.
70. Qual e' il richiamo amoroso della bionda ? Sono mooooolto ubriaca
!
71. Qual e' il richiamo amoroso della bionda bruttina ? (Gridando) Ho
detto che sono mooooolto ubriaca !
72. Qual e' il richiamo amoroso della brunetta ? 1) Se n'e' andata
quella bionda ? 2) Quando se ne va quella puttana di una bionda ? 3)
Tutte le bionde sono andate a casa !!!
73. Perche' le bionde guidano BMW ? Perche' e' facile da ricordare.
74. Perche' le bionde hanno scritto MPLD sulle loro scarpe ? Mettere
Prima Le Dita.
75. Perche' le bionde hanno scritto LTVD sulle loro magliette ? Le
Tette Vanno Davanti.
76. Come si chiama una brunetta seduta tra due bionde ? Un'interprete.
77. Come si chiama una bionda seduta tra due brunette ? Un blocco
mentale.
78. Come si fa a fare cambiare idea ad una bionda ? 1) Le si soffia in
un orecchio; 2)Le si compra un'altra birra.
79. Cosa si dice ad una bionda che non cede ? Ti offro un'altra birra.
80. Cosa fanno le bionde con i loro stronzi la mattina presto ?
Preparano loro la colazione e li mandano al lavoro...
81. Qual e' la cosa peggiore del fare sesso con una bionda ? I sedili
ribaltabili.
82. Cosa dice una bionda dopo avere scopato ? 1) Grazie ragazzi!!! 2)
Suonate tutti nello stesso gruppo ? 3) Ma voi fate tutti parte dei
<nome band> ?!? 4) Chi erano tutti quei tipi ?
83. Quale domanda importante rivolge la bionda al suo compagno prima
di scopare ? Preferisci la tariffa ad ore oppure ci mettiamo d'accordo
su un tanto ?
84. Perche' le bionde hanno problemi a provare orgasmi ? Chi se ne
frega !!!
85. Perche' le bionde raggiungono l'orgasmo ? Per capire quando devono
smettere di scopare !
86. Come si fa a capire che una bionda ha avuto un orgasmo ? 1) Le
cade la limetta per le unghie. 2) Chi se ne frega ? 3) Dice: "Avanti
il prossimo". 4) La persona successiva nella fila ti da' un colpetto
sulla spalla. 5) Ma a chi gliene importa un cavolo ?!?! 6) Le batterie
sono finite.
87. Come si chiama quando una bionda soffia all'orecchio di un'altra
bionda ? Trasferimento dati.
88. Quante bionde ci vogliono per cambiare una lampadina ? 1) Cos'e'
una lampadina ? 2) Una: lei tiene la lampadina ed il mondo le gira
attorno.
89. Perche' non ci sono brunette stupide ? Acqua ossigenata.
90. Perche' la NASA assume bionde ossigenate ? Stanno stupiando i
buchi neri.
91. Cosa hanno in comune una bionda ossigenata ed un 747 ? Hanno
entrambi una scatola nera.
92. Qual e' la differenza tra una bionda ed un 747 ? Non tutti sono
stati in un 747.
93. Qual e' la differenza tra una bionda ed una limousine ? Non tutti
sono stati in una limousine.
94. Cosa fanno dieci bionde in piedi, con l'orecchio dell'una
appoggiato a quello della successiva ? Una galleria del vento.
95. Babbo Natale, la Fata Turchina, una bionda stupida ed una bionda
furba camminano lungo la strada, quando vedono una banconota da
100.000 lire. Chi la raccoglie ? La bionda stupida, perche' Babbo
Natale, la Fata turchina ed una bionda furba sono personaggi
immaginari.
96. Perche' la bionda ha scalato la parete a specchio ? Per vedere
cosa c'era dall'altro lato.
97. Cosa fai quando una bionda ti lancia una granata ? Togli la sicura
e gliela rilanci.
98. Perche' le bionde prendono la pillola ? Per sapere che giorno
della settimana e'.
99. Perche' la bionda ha smesso di prendere la pillola ? Perche'
continuava a cadere di fuori.
100. Perche' alla bionda faceva male l'ombelico ? Perche' anche il suo
ragazzo era biondo.
101. Se una bionda ed una brunetta venissero lanciate da un palazzo,
quale delle due arriverebbe per prima a terra ? La brunetta, visto che
la bionda si fermerebbe a chiedere informazioni.
102. Cosa succede ad una bionda che prende il morbo di Alzheimer ? Le
si innalza il Quoziente d'Intelligenza.
103. Qual e' la differenza tra l'Olanda ed una bionda ? Una bionda ha
colline piu' elevate e vallate piu' profonde.
104. Qual e' la differenza tra una bionda ed uno spazzolino da denti ?
Lo spazzolino da denti non si presta neanche al migliore amico.
105. Qual e' la differenza fra una bionda e il Titanic ? Si sa quanti
uomini sono andati giu' sul Titanic.
106. Qual e' la differenza tra una bionda furba e lo Yeti ? Lo Yeti e'
stato avvistato.
107. Che differenza c'e' tra una bionda ed un telefono a gettoni ?
Usare il telefono costa 200 lire.
108. Che differenza c'e' tra una bionda e la Pinta ? La Pinta aveva
soltanto 1000 uomini.
109. Perche' una lavatrice e' meglio di una bionda ? Perche' puoi
scaricare il tuo carico in una lavatrice senza portartela dietro per
una settimana.
110. Cosa hanno in comune una bionda ed una merda di vacca ? Entrambe
diventano piu' facili da raccogliere al passare dell'eta'.
111. Cosa hanno in comune una bionda ed una bottiglia di birra ? Sono
entrambe vuote dal collo in su'.
112. Cosa hanno in comune una bionda e gli spaghetti ? Entrambi si
agitano quando te li mangi.
113. Perche' la bionda sorda si e' seduta sul giornale ? In modo da
potere leggere dalle labbra.
114. Cosa hanno in comune una bionda ossigenata ed un uomo di colore ?
Le radici nere.
115. Come si fa a fare annegare una bionda ? 1) Si mette uno specchio
sul fondo della piscina. 2) Non le si dice di ingoiare. 3) Si lascia
un gratta e vinci sul fondo di una piscina.
116. Come si riesce a capire se una bionda ha progettato il giardino ?
I cespugli sono piu' scuri del resto del giardino.
117. Cosa ha detto la mamma della bionda a suo figlia prima che
quest'ultima andasse ad un appuntamento ? Se non sei a letto per
mezzanotte, torna a casa.
118. Cosa ti da' una bionda se le dici: "Un centesimo per i tuoi
pensieri..." ? Il resto.
119. Perche' per una bionda e' difficile sposarsi ? Perche' non c'e'
bisogno di sposarla per scoparsela.
120. Cosa si ottiene incrociando una bionda ed un gorilla ? Boh, ci
sono tante cose che un gorilla puo' essere forzato a fare.
121. Perche' una bionda cambia il pannolino di suo figlio soltanto una
volta al mese ? Perche' c'e' scritto: "Buono fino a 10 chili".
122. Come ha provato la bionda ad uccidere l'uccello ? Lo ha gettato
da un dirupo.
123. Come ha provato la bionda ad uccidere il pesce ? Ha cercato di
annegarlo.
124. Perche' la bionda era cosi' eccitata quando ha completato il suo
puzzle in soli sei mesi ? Perche' sulla scatola c'era scritto dai 2 ai
4 anni.
125. Cosa dici ad una bionda senza braccia e senza gambe ? Bella
tettona !!!
126. Come si fa ad intrattenere una bionda per ore ? Si scrive "Girare
prego" su entrambi i lati di un pezzetto di carta.
127. Perche' non ci sono molte ginnaste bionde ? Perche' quando fanno
la spaccata rimangono incollate al pavimento.
128. Perche' le bionde hanno le gambe ? 1) Per non rimanere incollate
al pavimento. 2) Per andare dalla cucina alla camera da letto. 3) In
modo da non lasciare la scia come le lumache.
129. Perche' la bionda e' arrivata a meta' strada tra l'Italia e la
Norvegia e poi e' tornata a casa ? Ci ha messo un bel poco prima di
scoprire che un Viking 14 pollici era una televisione.
130. Qual e' la cosa irritante della vagina di una bionda ? 1) La
bionda. 2) Gli altri tizi che aspettano il loro turno.
131. Perche' le bionde muoiono sempre prima che arrivino gli aiuti?
Dimenticano sempre l' "11" nel chiamare il 113.
132. Come una bionda interpreta 6.9 ? Un 69 interrotto da una pausa.
133. Cosa ha detto la bionda quando ha visto per la prima volta i
tarallini ? Guarda !!! Semi di ciambelle.
134. Perche' le bionde hanno due cellule cerebrali in piu' rispetto
alle mucche ? 1) In modo che non caghino dappertutto quando tocchi
loro le tette. 2) In modo che quando tocchi loro le tette non
muggiscano.
135. Perche' le bionde hanno due cellule cerebrali in piu' rispetto ai
cavalli ? In modo che non si mettano a cagare alle parate ed alle
riunioni ippiche.
136. Perche' le bionde non allattano ? Perche' si bruciano sempre i
capezzoli.
137. Hai saputo della lesbica bionda ? Ha continuato a scopare con gli
uomini.
138. Perche' le bionde si fanno la coda di cavallo con i capelli ? Per
nascondere la valvolina per gonfiarle.
139. Perche' le bionde portano il Tampax nelle orecchie? Per le
perdite di memoria.
140. Due bionde sono in un cinema buio. Dice la prima: "Ehi, il
ragazzo accanto a me si sta masturbando!". La seconda: "Tu ignoralo!".
E la prima: "Non posso. Sta usando la mia mano!"

(n=140):
140 = poche ?!?!?!?!?!
Mi cojoni caro doctor..... :)
Caio
Luther

Mi cojoni caro doctor..... :)
Tanto erano gia' tradotte :-))))))
E no, che qualcuna l'ha tradotta anche lui... Quella con la Pinta pero' sono 
sicuro di no ! 
Ciao Zap,
Peppe (per ora unico membro del Club di quelli che hanno la casa impestata di 
stampe delle raccolte del Dr. Zap, anche se le hanno gia' lette, calde calde di 
stampa, come i cornetti al cioccolato caldi caldi di forno, yuuuuum, che fame)

Perche' si vedono le palle.
Heh Heh... Non portano neanche le braghe strette....
Ciao, pipol!
Piero