Newsgroup: it.hobby.umorismo
Titolo: classificazione del peto

la classificazione del peto
1 peto		la piu' classica forma della scoreggia poco odorosa e 
		molto silenziosa
2 repeto		un po' piu' invadente del peto 
3 loffa		quasi in sordina, si riconosce per il vuoto che si 
		crea intorno all' autore
4 cataloffa	possiede qualche sfumatura all'essenza di mirtillo
5 squittrinio	la piu' temuta dal petomane...molto rumorosa e 
		puzzolente, provoca nelle mutante dell'autore 
		la classica sgommata.Se si ha la diarrea e'
		prevedibile.
6 masso		Qualsiasi cosa venga raggiunta dal gas viene
		misteriosamente colorata di giallo.
7 bomba	Sono pochi i privilegiati che riescono a produrre
		una bomba.La si riconosce per l'immediato decollo 
		del petomane.(di solito ci si alza solo di pochi Cm
		ma sono sicuro che qualcuno e' riuscito a fare di
		meglio)
ciao da
pippopalla il magnifico!
e-mail- 
austr...@hotmail.com
se vuoi qualche dritta sull'Australia vai a 
http://www.geocities.com/TheTropics/Shores/3574


Newsgroups: rec.humor
Can anybody add to this?......
Ghost shit
You know you've shit. Your arse is empty, and there's shit on the toilet
paper - but there's none in the bowl! Sometimes referred to as a
'Torpedo Shit' by those who hear the splash.
'Waste of Time' shit, or Teflon shit
Comes out so slick, clean, and easy, that you don't feel as though
you've done it. No traces on the toilet paper, and  you have to look in
the bowl to confirm whether you've actually done anything. There is no
pleasure in this type of shit.
Glue shit
This has the consistency of hot tar and leaves permanent skid marks
round the bowl. You wipe your arse 18 times and it's still not clean.
You end up putting toilet paper down your pants to avoid stains.
'Second Thought' shit
You've just finished wiping your arse and about to stand up when you
realise that there's more to come. Occasionally, realisation (or the
'second thought') does not occur until after you've pulled your trousers
up, in which case it becomes a 'Trouser shit' (see below).
Trouser shit (can be combined with other shits)
There's no escaping this one. The suddenness and strength with which
anal contractions can occur has caught most people out at some time or
other. There's simply no holding it back, and you shit your pants.
 
Liquid shit (or diarrhoea)
This shit is just pure liquid, and always smells badly. It burns if you
let any get on your arse cheeks, so always make sure that your arsehole
is pointing downwards.
PVYF shit (or 'Pop a Vein in Your Forehead' shit)
This is the kind that killed Elvis. It doesn't come out until you are
sweaty and trembling, and your head has turned purple from straining so
hard.
Black-out shit
An extreme form of PVYF shit, resulting in black-out, unconsciousness,
and, in rare cases, heart failure.
 
Diet shit
You shit so much, there is visible weight loss after the event. If it
registers on the bathroom scales, you've done it!
 
"Oh Bollocks" shit
Usually happens at night. You rush to the bog, desperate to shit but
nothing happens. You waste 10 minutes pushing and squeezing, but
eventually give up and go back to bed. 5 minutes later, "Oh Bollocks",
you want to shit again, so you rush to the bog, and the whole process
repeats itself, and so it goes on.
Right Now shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually has its head out
and 'touching cloth' before you drop your pants. (Be careful you don't
knock its head off while doing this, as it might fall into your pants).
King Kong, or Commode-choker
This is big - really BIG. So big that you know it won't go down the U
bend unless you break it up into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works
well, but bad cases require something more substantial, like a broom
handle (not often available in toilets). This kind of shit usually
happens in someone else's house.
Wish shit
You sit there all cramped up with a pain in your guts, you fart a few
times, but nothing emerges. You "wish" you could just shit, or at least
look up your own arse to see what's going on.
Wet Cheeks shit
The shit hits the water sideways and makes a big splash which gets your
arse wet. A 'brown-eye' splash is one that hits you right up the arse
hole itself.
Cement Block shit, or "Oh God!!" shit
After you've started this shit, you wish you'd had a spinal block
epidural anaesthetic first. Sometimes biting on a flannel or wooden
stick helps.
Snake shit
This is fairly soft, about as round as your thumb, but 3 feet long! It
has the potential of becoming a 'Torpedo' shit as its own momentum takes
it round the U bend.
Cork shit (also know as 'The Floater')
Even after the fourth flush, it's still there. "My God, how do I get rid
of it?" The thing is unsinkable. Another shit that happens more often in
somebody else's house, and commonly seen off popular Mediterranean
beaches.
Mexican Food shit
This shit is like shitting sulphuric acid. Beware of letting a bead of
sweat trickle down between the cheeks of your arse for the next day or
so. It's not safe to eat again until your arsehole stops burning. (In
fact, this is how Mexicans know when they're hungry).
Beer shit
Of the worst kinds of shit, this is the most common. It happens the day
after the night before. Normally, shit doesn't smell too bad, but this
one is BAD, a real killer! You spray the bowl from top to bottom so that
it looks like it's been blasted by a shotgun loaded with Chilli, and you
wonder how your arsehole can point in so many directions at once. You
discover that there's fuck-all toilet paper and no brush to clean the
bowl. Usually happens when someone else is waiting outside to use the
bog. This is another shit that is more common in other people's houses.
Some confusing shits:
Thick shit
This describes a stupid dumb-arsed bastard. It has no connection with
the consistency of excrement.
Shit for brains
Nobody really has shit inside their heads, but it effectively describes
the way some people think.
 
Load (or Crock) of shit
This describes something that you have heard or read that is absolute
rubbish. It has nothing to do with large quantities of shit (unless you
are a farmer).
"Oh shit!"
A term of surprise or horror. Shit never comes in circles, so it doesn't
describe its shape.
Shit face
A term of derision and not to be confused with somebody who has fallen
into some shit. (This situation is called "Up to your eyes in shit").
"Shi-ite"
A term of fright. Originates from scared Iranian Muslims who fight
guerrilla wars.
-- 
Bill 
Southern England
-- 
Mojo
 
 / \   
mo...@numerica.it
         UIN:1155883
/ O \  
mail...@hotmail.com
-----   
Veni Vidi Ivi


Papera: quando emessa riproduce esattamente il seguente verso: QUAAA.
	Inodore.
 
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