Newsgroup: it.arti.musica.classica
Titolo: OT-buonumore

Copio e incollo dalla mia casella di posta elettronica:
DE NUMEROSIBUS MODIS PER NUTELLAM MANDUCARE ATQUE STRAFOCARE IN OMNIBUS
OCCASIONIBUS
Sbafatio Nutellae omnia divisa est in partes tres.
Unum: Sbafatio Normalis (ufficialis in prima colatione cum supervisione
mammarum).
Duum: Sbafatio Peccaminosa atque Clandestina (sfructandum absentiam mammarum
quae uscitae sunt ad spesam faciendam).
Trium: Sbafatio Hitchcock, ad altissimum rischium sputtanandi esse (ovverum
quando Nutella sbafada est clandestiniter mamma praesens in alterum locum in
casa, et habet suos cazzos faciendos, sed ab uno momento ad alterum
retornare potest in cucina).
CAPITOLUS PRIMUM (Sbafatio Normalis)
Clarum est quae Prima Colatio, mamma observante et controllante, apportare
potest goduriam relativam: quantae volte filius giungit ad tabulam credendo
videre fettes paninorum integralium et invicem sunt panini normali supra
quos mamma spalmavit stratum simbolicum Nutellae, carta velina similantem,
quae causat colorationem beigem et quindi effectum opticum paninibus
integralibus. Mammae fixate sunt Nutellam male facere ad panciam et
propterea quod semper
volunt tenere in oculo filios magnantes Nutellam et (loro stesse) spalmant
fetta per fettam. Sed quaesitum spontaneum nascit: si mamma vae semper
dicunt filium ormai est diventato magno, est hora ut sibi faciat lettum in
camera da solum, est horaut sibi faciat unum lavorum, ut sibi faciat unam
familiam, ut sibi faciat unam casam, quia mannaggia la mortem non sibi
potest facere da solum paninos quoque? I panini nullo modo! Paninos non se
li potest facere; paupertate suina!
(Porca miseria!). Paninos cum Nutella facit semper mamma! Difficilissimus
est, quando mamma preparat panem atque Nutellam, distinguere paninos iam
preparatos a paninis qui preparaturi sunt: in facto Nutella spalmata tantum
poca est quae quasi non si notat differentiam. Et hac res accadit poiche'
mamma pensat sbafationem esageratam Nutellae directa causa esse tropporum
sestertiorum qui spendituri sunt in Clearasil Topexanque. Et nos d'accordum
quoque fuissimus, si postea mamma ipsa filios non rimpinzasset cum alteris
micidialibus schifezzis, typus Medagliones Pollorum Manzotin, Simmenthal
carnes, Spunti' que et qui plus ne habet plus ne
mettat: totae res quae habent plus colorantes et conservantes lorum, quae
facies Marinae Ripa Meanae atque Sandra Milii quando se truccant. Ad hoc
punto, normalis est insinuatio in capoccia filii desiderium vindictae atque
rappresagliae nazistae similem: per ogni singulum cucchiainum Nutellae
negatum causa mammae, decem cucchiainos magnaturi sunt cum sbafationibus
clandestinis.
CAPITOLUS SECUNDUM (Sbafatio Peccaminosa Atque Clandestina)
 Conditio sine qua non per exercitare Sbafationem Peccaminosam atque
Clandestinam est "Absentia Mammae". Purtroppum, sicut omnes cognoscunt,
quando filius habet irrefrenabilem libidinem Nutellae, mamma semper praesens
est infra scatolas. Isti momenti sfructandi possunt ad individuandum
secretum nascondilium Nutellae. Individuato nascondilio, cum dovuta calma
attendere debetur uscitam mammae. Extremae importantiae res est agire subito
postea uscitam mammae, quia absentia potest esse durata longa aut brevis.
Trovato barattolo in remoto mobile cucinae, occultatum a barriera
protectionis mammistica, formata ab falange multiplae filae barattolorum
Pelatorum, Fagiolorum, Confetturae Fructae, absolutamente debetur rimembrare
esactum ordinem cum quo si spostant omnes barattolos antistantes Nutellam,
quia, postea, totum debet esse remissum exactamente sicut erat: quasi
semper, in facto, mammae habent piantinam disposictionis barattolorum in
mobile et, appena tornatae, controllant... Haec Sbafatio Clandestina
difficiliter sgamata ab mamma, a meno quod non accadeat aliqua tragica
fatalitas causa totalium sputtanamentorum:
 Tragedia prima.
 Sputtanamentum Automobilisticum: mamma est appena uscita, et filius
fiondaturus est supra Nutellam, sed inaspectata-mente, mamma retro venit
quia dimenticata fuit chiavi centoventisettis, et filius colto est cum
quattuor ditis affondatis in barattolo;
 Tragedia secunda.
 Sputtanamentum Equilibristicum: captum ab attacco godimenti Nutellico,
filius, in praecario equilibrio super sgabellinum (utilem ut raggiungat
altissimum pensilem) facit mossam falsam causando totalem crollum totorum
barattolorum in mobilem atque conseguentem drammaticam mischiationem ordinis
precostituiti. Unica possibilitas ad sgamatos non esse ab mamma est simulare
movimentum sismicum octavo grado scalae Mercallorum, sed sperantiae quae
mamma abboccat
 minime sunt, a minus quod rincoglionita totaliter fuisse;
 Tragedia tertia.
 Sputtanamentum familiare: in bel mezzum sbafationis arribat fratellinus
minor secchionis atque un minimum cacacazzus, qui ricattare potest fratellum
 grandem in saecula seculorum.
 
 CAPITOLUS TERTIUM (Sbafatio Hitchcockiana)
 Sine dubium, hac sbafatio est plus difficilis atque rischiosa et est ultima
possibilitas rimasta filio disperato si crisis abstinentiae est profonda et
mamma non habet minimam ideam uscendi ab casa. Technicae usandae demandatae
sunt ad sensibilitatem atque alto grado seafationis filii; professionalitas
ognunorum est in ballo: honor categoriae Sbafatorum Clandestinorum salvandus
est. Unicum consilium ut filius evitet clamorosas figuras ex sterco est
tendere orecchium typum Star Trek ut si advertat eventualem
appropinquamentum passorum mammae (Se nella vostra domo habete moquettem,
fottutis siete ad novantaquinque per centum). In omni modo, in generale,
necesse est non indugiare troppo in magico momento estasis Nutella
raggiunta. Ad Sbafationem Hitchcockiana suggerita est tattica "Na botta e
 via". Eh! Quod mazzum ut si raggiungeat minimam dosem giornalieram Nutellae!
  CAPITOLUS QUARTIUS
 In omni modo, fermo restante, a parte filii, generalis rodimento deretani,
ultimi quaesiti nascunt: mammae, ma si perfinus per drogam lex previdit
modicam quantitatem... mammae, cur estis sic cacacazzi cum fillis tantum cum
Nutella? Et non vi transeat manco per anticameram materiae cerebralis si
filius returnans ad domus ammaccavit macchinam subito retirata ab
carrozziere mattina antecedente; et non vobis ne potest fregare minimum se
filius in pagella habet votos similes temperaturibus minimae Bolzanii; et
non vi passat manco po' cazzum se amici filii sunt brutti ceffi absolute
minime raccomandabiles inter quos famigeratus Peppe, notissimus per
spacciationem substantiarum vietatissimarum ab lege (Inter parentesis, vos
mammae benissimo cognoscete quia vendit vobis moltiplices qualitates
herbarum ab Marocco provenientes) et ponemus petram supram; sed dico ego,
proprio cum Nutella vobis ispiratis ad cazzum cacandi? Ma dateve na
regolatam!
 MORALIS ISTAE FABULAE
 Mammae, vobis chiedemus cum voce ab plancto rupta cacciate 'sta Nutellam
...Porcam Mignottam!
--------------------------------
Inviato via 
http://arianna.libero.it/usenet/

 ha scritto nel messaggio
news:147Z163Z21Z230Y...@usenet.libero.it...
Once upon a time, many, many, many, ma 'na cifra of many years ago, at the
beginning of the initiation of the mond, there was the caos.
One day, God (God is the nome d'art of Dio), God, who was disoccupated,
had a folgorant idea and so God created the Nutell.
And God saw that the Nutell was good, very good, very very good, good 'na
cifra.
The mangiation of God was long, He manged one million of barattols of Nutell
sfrutting the fact that God has not a Mamm that strills if you sbaff too
much Nutell...
And after this mangiation, God invented the Water Closed Run,the cors in the
cabinet,and some Nutell's derivates like the red bubbons, the panz, the
cellulit and ceter, and ceter.
After di which (dopodiché) he invented Adamo ed Eva and all the paradise and
he diss to Adamo and Eva:
"Now you have all the Paradise, you can do everything, very tutt: you have
the permission to eat, to drink, to kiss, to scop, nothing lavor, nothing
affit, nothing concors of impiegats, nothing cod alla post, nothing IRPEF,
ILOR.
Only very ozious life: television, telenovels, football, moviols, process of
Monday,appell of Tuesday, cassazion of Wednesday, and ceter, and ceter. You
have gratis restaurants, cinemas, theaters, all the Paradise is yours:
air-conditioned, autom riscaldament, moquette,parquett, tresset, bidet,
omelette, eccet, eccet...
"There's just one thing, remember: in tutt the Paradise just one thing
 absolutely prohibited.
Come, come to me in the giardin dissed God: this is "the Nocciol", the alber
of the Nutell. Only this alber of the Nutell is prohibited, because I like
the Nutell very much, very very much, much 'na cifra and I want all the
Nutell, tutt the Nutell for me."
During the prim temps, Adamo and Eva stetter very happy.
Adamo said: "What a cool!" ("Cool" is not in Italian "freddo", no, "What a
cool" means "Che cul") "All the Paradise is nostr!"
And everyday, ognigiorn, they discovered something new.A lot of scoperts,
many scoperts,many many scoperts, 'na cifra di scoperts. One day the
scopert of the hot water, one day the scopert of the spaghettis, one day the
cigarettes, and ceter, and ceter.
But one day, a trist day, a very very trist day, trist 'na cifra, Adamo
and Eva fecer the scopert of the first colazion.
And after the scopert of the cappuccin, the scopert of the aranch succ, the
scopert of the cornetts, they understood that something was mancant.
"Eva!" said Adamo "Don't you think that qualcos is mancant here, proprio
here, 'ncopp this fett?"
"Second me" Eva risposed "'ncopp the fett you have to metter burr and
marmelade."
"No, no Eva, you know that the marmelade schif myself.
I want 'ncopp this fett something very particular, very very particular,
particular 'na cifra.
What do you think about the Nutell?" "No, Adamo you are scording that the
Signor said that's vietat!"
"Yes, I remember, but only a little assaggiation, don't succed nothing!"
And Adamo sces in the cortil where the alber of the Nutell was and he pres a
small barattol and spalmed the brown cream on the fett and assagged the
Nutell.
Adamo and Eva don't ebber the time to exprimer the godiment that the tuons
and fulmins apparved in the ciel and one voice said:
"Potevamo stupirv you with special effects, but I'm God, not Fantagod!
Adamo, Eva, come here! I'm very incazz with you, very very incazz, incazz
'na cifra! How did you permit to tocc the Nutell?
Didn't you remember that it was prohibited?" "Cazz!" esclamed Adamo "It was
prohibited!
Oh, sorry, God, I'm very very sorry, sorry 'na cifra, God, I really really
was completely scordat..."
"Don't do that fint tont, Adamo, I'm God, I can see everything, very tutt,
and I know that you and the woman have deliberatament assaggiated the
Nutell. So you have a big punhition, a very castig for your peccat. But
siccom I'm sconfinatly good, you can choose,you have two scelts:
"Scelt number 1: nothing Nutell for ever and ever in the secols of the
secols, amen!"
"Nooo!" Eva was piagnucoling "It's a thing very tragic, very very tragic,
tragic 'na cifra!"
"Aspett!" said God "Don't be frettolous woman...
"Scelt number 2: you can take the Nutell, no problem, let's prend, prend,
but for you is the cacciation out of the Paradise.
You will have to lavorar with the sudor of your front, you will zapp the
terr, you'll have mal of schien and, like this don't bastass, everytime you
will mang Nutell, the malediction of the brufols, of the mal of panch, of
the cacarel will be cadent on you."
"Alé!" esclaimed Adamo "Thank you God, thank you, we don't interess the
cacciation dal Paradise, the important is to have the Nutell!
Goodbye! Ciao, ciao!" And so Adamo and Eva were cacciated and this original
peccat and this malediction cadded on lor and on lor discendents, and on the
discendents of the discendents.
Infact, tutt'ogg, you can veder in the pubblicity all the ragazz that per
aver one fett of pan and Nutell they scalan the mountains they stay in a
tend al fredd and al gel and ceter, and ceter.
But the final pensier of tutti noi is "It's meglio faticar and soffrir with
the Nutell piuttost che the Terrestr Paradise senz the Nutell."
THE REVENGE
Riassunt of the precedents puntats: God, the boss of the Paradise, has
cacced out, very very fuor, in the "freddo divertente" that in english si
dice "fun cool", Adam, Eva and the fruit of the peccat: the Nutell.
From that moment, the life of God was very very squallid, very very
scocciant, very very noious. Infact God is onnipotent, He knows everything,
very very tutt, perciò He don't si può veder one football partit because
già knows the risultat: He don't si può legger one yellow book because già
know the assasin, don't può play the lotto, tombol, lottery of Capodann,
because He già lo knows who vinces and who perds (di solit God vinces at
lotto, infact He is soprannominated "Padre Terno"), He knows già everything,
tutte cose.
The unic thing that God don't sapeva, was what cazz di end aveva fatt the
Nutell and, under under, sotto sotto, after one sacc of time that he don't
have nothing notiz about the Nutell, God was very curios, ma very very
curios, because God is formed dalla Santissima Trinity, perciò God has the
curiosity of the Father the curiosity of the figl, and the curiosity of the
Spirit Sant: 'na cifra di curiosity...
God was pensing to qualcos per rintracciar the Nutell and so decided to
mandar 'ncopp the Terr one part of the Santissim Trinity: so chiamed the
Spirit Sant that is the most sfigat of the Trinity, (that quand God want
the cigarettes or want the giornal, He sempr calls the Spirit Sant that in
deep in deep, in fondo in fondo, is the apprendist of the Trinity, the
shop-boy, the ragazz of botteg) and God dissed to the Colomb: "Now you go
'ncopp the terr and cerc 'nu poco this cazz of Nutell that da secols and
secols I don't have notiz".
The Colomb se ne voled from the Paradise vers the Terr. "Good Viagg!" dissed
God watching the colomb flying...
The Colomb was avvicinanding to the Terr. "Good Fortun!" dissed God watching
the Colomb avvicinanding...
The Colomb entered in the atmosphere of the Terr. "In bocc al wolf!" dissed
God watching the Colomb in the atmosphere.
The Colomb was ormai in the ciel of the Terr. "In cool at the balen!" dissed
God watching the Colomb in the ciel of the Terr.
PAM!! One cacciator of Frosinone accirrette the Colomb with 'na scaric of
pallettons.
"Azz!" esclaimed God "Pork Mignott!" esclaimed the Colomb, "God, ma nothing
nothing do you portass nu' poco sfiga?" And Murretted into the Frosinon
Forrest.
At this point God facing the vague, ma very very vague, ma very very very
vague, vague 'na cifra, fischietting and canticching si avvicined a Jesus
and gli dissed: "Jesus, my predilett figl!..."
"Te credo" risposed jesus "I am the unic figl..."
"Don't scherzar everytime, Jesus!" dissed God, "I'm parling seriament: if
you go 'ncopp the Terr, I'll give to you 'na bella cosa: the Nutell!"
"With the cazz!" dissed Jesus "I aggio visted the end che ha fatt the Spirit
Sant, I don't want to be accised by a fetient cacciator of Frosinon!" "But
don't ti preoccupar! Don't succed nothing, and if you want star very
sicur,  ma very very sicur, ma very very very sicur, sicur 'na cifra, I give
you three (3) miracols, so you can go tranquill, very very tranquill 'ncopp
the Terr".
"Ue' Daddy" dissed Jesus "I don't want go to 'ncopp the Terr!! But comunq,
proprio perchè sei you, I will go 'ncopp the Terr se you..." "Se io...?"
"Se you accatt me the motorin!" "The motorin is pericolous! L'altra volt
t'aggio visted 'ncopp the Vesp of the figl of Mosè sgomming and impenning su
'na ruota only!" "And I don't go 'ncopp the Terr!" dissed Jesus. "What a
cacacazz of figl che teng! And it goes good! Va buo'!: now I give to you tre
miracles and when you return, I'll give the motorin. But you trov the
Nutell!" So Jesus nacqued in ne grott al cold e al gel.
Will riesce Jesus a compier the mission to salv the humanity from the
tentation of the Nutell? Che a him don't gliene può fregar of meno, but he
want the motorin, with
the parabrezz, the baulett and the adesiv of his face, with the scritt
"Volto Santo of Jesus Christ protegg me"?
We will know everything to the proxim puntat of the "Good 'na cifra Tales".
Amen.
PALESTINA JESUS & THE PREDATORS OF THE NUTELLA PERDUTA
Riassunt of the precedents puntats: dopo aver cacced from the Paradise Adam,
Eva and the Nutell, a God gli venn the sfitz di ritrovar the Nutell in
themond, so he manded Jesus ncopp the Terr. But siccom Jesus dont voleva
andar, god promised to him tre miracles (in case of necessity, don't si sa
never) and soprattutt, se Jesus ritornava with the Nutell in Paradise, God
for premium, gli accattava the motorin. So Jesus nacqued in one grott al
cold and al gel.
After qualck ann, when he was more grandicell, he troved finalment the
Nutell. And pure Jesus vided that the Nutell was good, ma very very good, m
good na cifra, solament that Jesus aveva the Mamm, the Madonn, that always
nasconded the barattolos of the Nutell in the most incredible post, under
the mangiatoy, in the cofanett of the mirra, in the attrezz of San Joseph...
But we sappiam that Jesus avev the Nutell because of the miracles, the tre
miracles that faced:
- Miracle number one: The resurrezion of Lazaroni, one fabbricant of biscot
that, for riconoscenz, regaled a Jesus le sue actions of the Nutella SpA so
Jesus divenned the principal azionist of the Nutell.
- Miralce number two: The Nozze di Cana, dove jesus, alla fine of the pranz,
trasformed il dessert in nutell, con big godiment of tutt the invitats and
the tutt the imbucats (that, at the matrimon, don't mancano never).
- Miracle number three: The Moltiplication of the Pan end the nutell, in cui
Jesus, per incrementar the affairs, con one rossett and one little vaschett
of Nutell sfamed nu dacc of little boys, the ragazzins, the pischells, the
guagliunciells, because Jesus is very very furb, furb 'na cifra, and he
knows that se one boy assagg the nutell, after per tutt the life the
ragazzin will cake the cazz days and night in the recchiies of the mamm to
comprar the Nutell.
But one giorn very very trist, Jesus decided to offrir one cena for the
discepols. the discepols eran like the Consigl of Amministration of the
Nutella SpA. During tutt the cena they were parling and chiackiering of the
more and
the less (del più e del meno) but a un cert point, Jesus presed the pan, lo
spezzed, lo dieded ai discepols and disses: "Uagliò lets prend the Nutell
that i mi want far 'na panz tant!"
But purtropp, cerc di qua, cerc di là, they don't trovaron the Nutell and
aveva scambied la formula per trenta denars, one abbonament in lateral
tribune of the Naples Football Club and five filmins of Moana Pozzi,
giving the formula to one fariseo, Mister Ferrero.
And fu così che Ferrero divvened ricc and famous; and fu così that Jesus
s'incazzed very much, ma very very much, much 'na cifra, bestemming the
mamm, the babb, and tutt the saints amici suoi, but ormai don't c'era più
nothing da far; and fu così che God, per dispett, invented seduta stant the
"Peccat of Golosity"; and fu così che Jesus is l'unic in tutt the Paradise
that still andand a pieds, senz the motorin...Amen.

 OCCASIONIBUS
rotfl