Newsgroup: it.arti.fotografia
Titolo: [da photosig] How to bullsh*t your way into galleries

Preso dal forum di photosig :)
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So you want to be part of the gallery scene? Want to spend a lot of time
selling prints to people who don't know photography from squat? Want to
attend openings and eat bad food and listen to pretentious people with a
lot of money? Want to hate yourself, but make some cash doing it? 
You need to get into the GALLERY SCENE! 
1) Adopt a New York or LA address. San Francisco works, too, but for
Christ's sake, do NOT pull a zipcode from flyover country in your
provance. 
2) PHOTOGRAPH BIG. Big means quality. The bigger a photograph is, the
better it must be. 8x11 means your obviously too bound to photographic
conventions to be a REAL ARTISTE'! 
3) The more banal, the better. Photograph parking lots, mini-malls, dry
cleaners, bare trees in the middle of nowhere. The less of a subject, the
better. Only REAL ARTISTES are bold enough to take photographs in the
style of a 10-year-old with a Fuji disposable. 
4) Everything you need to color comes from Poloroid. Go get an Instamatic
and blow 10 cartridges on photographing dreck. Note the way Poloroids
transcribe color. That's your goal. Only c*nts use Velvia. People see your
photos and think "Tomas Kinkaid", you're as good as done. Only REAL
ARTISTES are bold enough to photography down one stop and leech all the
color out of shots. 
5) ISO 100 or nothing. Grain is out, ultra-smooth, no-grain prints are in.
Grain is for posers. See the Poloroid bit above. 
6) Learn not to laugh after asking $5,000 for a washed out 42x36 print of
a Pinto in a Kansas City Target parking lot. This is serious art, damnit,
and serious art demands serious money. 
7) Learn to say the following with conviction: 
"Ansel Adams? That hack."
"Black-and-white is sooooo dead."
"The Zone System is for hacks."
"Velvia? Are you sure you're in the right gallery?"
"I sh*t better than this."
"SoHo galleries are for c*nts."
8) Any photo of a man must be homoerotic. 
9) Any photo of a woman must be a tit/twat shot. 
10) If you can describe your photo in less than a thousand words, you're
not trying hard enough. Any description must contain at least a dozen
French phrases and two German words. Also slip in a reference to either
New York, Paris, Munich, LA or San Francisco. 
11) Enough time has passed that you can work 9/11 into your description,
too. Post 9/11-ism is starting to become trendy. Remember, any ol'
bullsh*t can represent the Twin Towers if you pile it high enough. 
12) Remember, if all else fails, adopt a roman numeral as a name, take
photos of your own ass, and get an accomplice with Art in America to
proclaim you as an Outsider Artist. Gallery de Jesus will be calling you
for a showing within an hour. 
-- 
Michele "cATO" Ferrario
http://www.photosig.com/go/users/view?id=19361
http://latente.altervista.org
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ha ragione!
--
Gelatina
at:
www.gelatina.altervista.org

 style of a 10-year-old with a Fuji disposable. 
questo mi ricorda qualcosa ;)


 questo mi ricorda qualcosa ;)
Si contraddice nel seguito, però: solo foto a colori (sballati, ma
a colori).
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 a colori).
ammetto di fotografare le lavanderie a gettone di notte.


 ammetto di fotografare le lavanderie a gettone di notte.
Giurerei di non aver bevuto vino a cena, stasera... :-/
-- 
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