Newsgroup: it.cultura.linguistica.inglese
Titolo: Translation nightmares: The continuation

Since huge bees in small bonnets are currently en vogue, one writes to
recount the following.
It came to pass that  one wintry afternoon, not so long ago, two of The
Realm's majesties
were indulging themselves in a little R&R, a brief Holiday sojourn, away
from the arduous matters of court.
They chanced upon an all-swinging-all-dancing modern shopping complex,
seemingly constructed (or so thought Their R.H's) for the sole purpose of
paying homage to the extreme ghastliness man is capable of constructing.  In
this, Their Majesties were duly impressed, believing this objective fully
met.
Royal blood notwithstanding, one of them nonetheless had need to powder her
nose and so it was that they ventured - with some trepidation- to the public
area designated for such operations.
The journey thence was worthwhile if only for the following (for the rest,
modesty forbids that one should comment further)
In full view for all to see - and it was clear this was deliberately so, and
not merely haphazard fortune - a  floor plan illustrated the layout of the
complex and highlighted the obligatory  X marks the spot and You are Here.
Additionally, the plan indicated the exact position of the fire escapes and
catering to such foreign tourists as we, alongside the Italian copy, an
English translation had also  thoughtfully been provided.
It ran thusly:
Safety information for the customers.
Please note that this shopping centre is equipped with:
a) Smoke notice plant
    (Special discount for bulk orders, guaranteed to have the same effect as
a marijuana plant or your money back!)
b) Rain fire alarm
    (Always handy-dandy to have a rain alarm. I have always felt one can
never have too many about the house)
c) Again fire staff
    (After all, as is well known, once is never enough)
Action to follow in case of emergency.
1) Keep calm
2) Following proper directions.  Go outside by the emergency exits.
3) Do not interfere with first and operations and follow the instructions of
the staff
4) Keep waiting outside and follow the advices of the staff.
Fully appreciative of the amusement so thoughtfully provided by the owners
of aforementioned establishment, Their R.H's departed amidst chuckles and
guffaws, leaving a rather perplexed mob behind them staring helplessly at
the diagram and wondering, we can have no doubt, what exactly it might have
been which caused such mirth.
A case of Smoke Notice Plants to whomever would care to hazard a guess at
what the original in Italian of a) b) and c) were.
--
I remain, as always, ecc., ecc.,
Bambi
dtb

 what the original in Italian of a) b) and c) were.
Er... is there any crackling left from Christmas ?
Ciao
Giorgio

(again(st) fire staff). Good grief.
...
Right on all counts, Milord. As always, you do justice to your fame.
And yes, I guess "grief" is the operative word here...
-- 
Isa
Work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching
http://web.tiscalinet.it/alfabeto_auschwitz/

 And yes, I guess "grief" is the operative word here...
Dear Isabella,
Personally, whilst sharing the overall 'grief' attitude, especially for the
interference one knows it causes in making your 'crap antenna' wobble so
furiously, I, nonetheless found the attempt amusing. Not that it takes much,
I grant, but in all honesty,  how many fire safety notices can we say that
about?
A second case of Smoke Notice Plants has now been sent to our gallant Knight
(and the Royal Stock is at this point, running low). Our congratulations to
him, of course.
--
I remain, as always,
Bambi
dtb