Newsgroup: it.cultura.linguistica.inglese
Titolo: joke

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he 
finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the 
waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you 
going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for 
panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct 
black and white colouring. Eats shoots and leaves." 

Alex ha scritto:

beautiful!


Mi pare che sei arrivato un po' con l'ultimo treno.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eats,_Shoots_&_Leaves
Ari

 ha scritto nel messaggio 
news:fa891fc5-9b8d-435d...@e4g2000hsg.googlegroups.com...


Ari

 - Show quoted text -
Hai ragione.  Puo' darsi che non tutti conoscano la storia.
Comunque la storiella e' gia' stata discussa in un paio di thread in
questo ng quando e' usicito il libro che tra l'altro e' stato in cima
alla classifica dei bestsellers sia in GB che negli USA for a long
time!
http://tinyurl.com/2fl8nu
bye

 Comunque la storiella e' gia' stata discussa
Se è ammesso riciclare le guerre puniche, allora beccatevi questo, cari
"ammerregani"... :-PPP  ;D
Dear United States of America,
In the light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA in
the last 50 years, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of
the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty
Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states,
commonwealths and other territories. Except Kansas, which she does not
fancy.
 
Your new prime minister The Right Honourable Gordon Brown, MP (for the
97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside
your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for
further elections.
 
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be
circulated next year to determine whether any of you outside Washington
noticed.
To aid in the transition back to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:
 
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
look up "aluminum". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be
reinstated in words such as 'favour' 'colour' and 'neighbour', skipping the
letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will
learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end
your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the
suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the
suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to
respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct
pronunciation.
 
Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up
"vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler
noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient
form of communication. Look up "interspersed".
 
There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not
old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows.
When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad
language as often.
 
2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account
of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".
 
3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It
really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,
upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to
learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as
"Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.
 
While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such
place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you
persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires"
e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.
 
4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play
English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red
Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American
audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political
incorrectness.
 
5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.
 
6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of
football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders
may have noticed that very few other contries play "American" football. You
will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a
difficult game.
 
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby which is
similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest
every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancy boys. We
are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2010.
 
You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event
called the 'World Series' for a game which is little played outside of
America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond
your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will
be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball
without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.
 
7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer
be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a
vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to
handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish
to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
 
8. July 4th will no longer be a public holiday. April 1st will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called 'Revocation Day.'
 
9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
 
All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start
driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go
metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
 
Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of
humour.
 
10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips. Fries aren't even French; they are Belgian though
97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are
not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling
potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and
fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which
should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more
aggressive with customers.
 
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all
tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be
doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.
 
12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will
be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as
"American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Frozen Gnats Piss", with
the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose
product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Piss". This will
allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen,
Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.
 
13. From November 10th the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you
will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2008) prices with the
former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and
the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices roughly $11/US
gallon - get used to it.
 
14 You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or
therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows
that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled
by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing
someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to
handle a gun.
 
15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Tax
collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure
the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).
 
16. Last but not the least, and for heaven's sake.....it's Nuclear as in
"clear" NOT Nucular.
 
Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.
 
John Cleese

 John Cleese
Mi sembra che John Cleese, anche se è spiritoso, sia bloccato nella prima 
fase d'addolorarsi (la prima del cinque) per accettare che Inghilterra è 
buttata fuori dall'ammerrega:  quella di smentita!

On Jan 15, 4:36 pm, "Tony the Ice Man"

Very funny Enrico, but I agree with Tony and this is what I'd like to
say to this John Cleese guy:  " YOU LOST. Get over it!"
Ari

Lo so che rischio di prenderne su di ogni....ma io non l'ho proprio
capita......
La storia riesco a leggerla tutta ma non ho trovato l'eventuale doppio
significato
di "shoots" e "leaves", che continuo a tradurre come spara e lascia..e
quindi non mi
torna!neanche cambiando la punteggiatura!
Devo preoccuparmi?

Nobody knew Why. But...
    Who: la ragazza ta_ta_ta
    Where: it.cultura.linguistica.inglese
    When: 16-01-08 08.31.17
    What: Re: joke

Per non avere neanche un vocabolario?
Direi di sě. :-)
saluti,
Peltio
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shoot
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leaf
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comma_%28punctuation%29

 say to this John Cleese guy:  " YOU LOST. Get over it!"
Don't wake a sleeping dog!
Remember what they can do:
http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/washingtonsack.htm
And Canadians get all the credit. : ]
cheers,
Peltio

ok!
p.s. il vocabolario l'ho ordinato ma non mi e' ancora arrivato!

 ha scritto nel messaggio 
news:cc386f81-8564-4b8c...@y5g2000hsf.googlegroups.com...

Eats vuol dire mangia in entrambi i casi
Shoots = spara oppure germogli
Leaves = andarsene oppure foglie
quindi:
Eats, shoots and leaves (con virgola)= mangia, spara e se ne va
Eats shoots an leaves (senza virgola)=mangia germogli e foglie 

Questa bella storiellina si puo' trovare anche in Speak Up di questo
mese!
L'ho ascoltata solo ora!
Ciao!