Newsgroup: it.cultura.linguistica.inglese
Titolo: Nuts in Paradise [OT]

Copio da altro NG il post di un tale Zerozone che dell'inglese non vuole
sentir parlare sui NG italiani : )
In compenso ha esibito un brano divertente sullo stile di Cappucciett Red.
saluti,
Peltio
=====================
(Discovery Channel):
The World history must rewrite after this discovery.
Once upon a time, many, many, many, ma 'na cifra of many years ago, at
the beginning of the initiation of the mond, there was the caos.
One day, God (God is the nome d'art of Dio), God, who was disoccupated,
had a folgorant idea and so God created the Nutell.
And God saw that the Nutell was good, very good, very very good,
good 'na cifra. The mangiation of God was long, He manged
one million of barattols of Nutell sfrutting the fact that God has not a
Mamm that strills if you sbaff too much Nutell...
And after this mangiation, God invented the Water Closed Run, the cors
in the cabinet, and some Nutell's derivates like the red bubbons,
the panz, the cellulit and ceter, and ceter. After di which (dopodiché)
he invented Adamo ed Eva and all the paradise and he diss to Adamo
and Eva:
"Now you have all the Paradise, you can do everything, very tutt:
you have the permission to eat, to drink, to kiss, to tromb; nothing
lavor, nothing affit, nothing concors of impiegats, nothing cod alla
post, nothing IRPEF, ILOR. Only very ozious life: television, telenovels,
football, moviols, process of Monday, appell of Tuesday, cassazion of
Wednesday, and ceter, and ceter.
You have gratis restaurants, cinemas, theaters, all the Paradise is
yours: air-conditioned, autom riscaldament, moquette, parquett, tresset,
bidet, omelette, chalet, eccet, eccet....
"There's just one thing, remember, in tutt the Paradise just one thing
absolutely prohibited. Come, come to me in the giardin:
this is 'the Nocciol', the alber of the Nutell. Only this alber of the
Nutell is prohibited, because I like the Nutell very much, very very
 much, much 'na cifra and I want all the Nutell, tutt the Nutell for me."
During the prim temps, Adamo and Eva were very happy. Adamo said: "What
a cool! ("Cool" is not in Italian "freddo", no, "What a cool" means "Che
cul") All the Paradise is nostr!" And everyday, ognigiorn, they discovered
something new. A lot of scoperts, many scoperts, many many scoperts,
'na cifra di scoperts.
One day the scopert of the hot water, one day the scopert of the spaghettis,
one day the cigarettes, and ceter, and ceter.
But one day, a trist day, a very very trist day, trist 'na cifra, Adamo
and Eva fecer the scopert of the first colazion. And after the scopert
of the cappuccin, the scopert of the aranch succ, the scopert of the
cornetts, they understood that something was mancant.
"Eva!" said Adamo "Don't you think that qualcos is mancant here, proprio
here, 'ncopp this fett?"
"Second me" Eva risposed "'ncopp the fett you have to metter burr and
marmelade."
"No, no Eva, you know that the marmelade schif myself. I want 'ncopp this
fett something very particular, very very particular, particular 'na cifra.
What do you think about the Nutell?"
"No, Adamo you are scording that the Signor said that's vietat!"
"Yes, I remember, but only a little assaggiation, don't succed nothing!"
And Adamo sces in the cortil where the alber of the Nutell was and he
pres a small barattol and spalmed the brown cream on the fett and assagged
the Nutell.
Adamo and Eva don't ebber the time to exprimer the godiment that the
tuons and fulmins apparved in the ciel and one voice said:
"We potevam stupir you with special effects, but I'm God, not Mandrake!
Adamo, Eva, come here! I'm very incazz with you, very very incazz,
incazz 'na cifra! How did you permit to tocc the Nutell? Didn't you
remember that it was prohibited?"
"Cazz!" esclamed Adamo "It was prohibited! Oh, sorry, God, I'm very
very sorry, sorry 'na cifra, God, I really really was completely scordat..."
"Don't do that fint tont, Adamo, I'm God, I can see everything, very
tutt, and I know that you and the woman have deliberatament assaggiated
the Nutell. So you have a big punhition, a very castig for your peccat.
But siccom I'm sconfinatly good, you can choose, you have two scelts:
"Scelt number 1: nothing Nutell for ever and ever in the secols of the
secols, amen!"
"Nooo!" Eva was piagnucoling "It's a thing very tragic, very very
tragic, tragic 'na cifra!"
"Aspett!" said God "Don't be frettolous, woman... Scelt number 2: you
can take the Nutell, no problem, let's prend, prend, but for you is the
cacciation out of the Paradise.
You will have to lavorar with the sudor of your front, you will zapp the
terr, you'll have mal of schien and, like this don't bastass, everytime you
will mang Nutell, the malediction of the brufols, of the mal of panch, of
the cacarel will be cadent on you."
"Alé!" esclaimed Adamo "Thank you God, thank you, we don't interess the
cacciation dal Paradise, the important is to have the Nutell! Goodbye! Ciao,
ciao!"
And so Adamo and Eva were cacciated and this original peccat and this
malediction cadded on lor and on lor discendents, and on the discendents
of the discendents.
Infact, tutt'ogg, you can veder in the pubblicity all the ragazz that per
aver one fett of pan and Nutell they scalan the mountains they stay in a
tend al fredd and al gel and ceter, and ceter.
But the final pensier of tutti noi is "It's meglio faticar and soffrir
with the Nutell piuttost che the Terrestr Paradise senz this."

 Copio da altro NG il post di un tale Zerozone 
It's lampant che Zerozone is Nanni Moretti. 
P.S. Dai, send me a little kiss with your labbruzz sporc with ciocolat.