Newsgroup: it.cultura.linguistica.inglese
Titolo: Jokes

Just some jokes in the void.
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the
road. The sign read: "Disneyland Left." So they went home.
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below) 
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)
It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying
the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the
whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with
a big gift envelope. 
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The
folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing
lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful
woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led
him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where
she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever
experienced. 
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a
giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and
fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured
him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under
the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he
said, "but what's the dollar for?" 
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be
your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I
asked him what to give you." 
He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar." 
The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey,
wanna hear a blonde joke?" The man says back to the blind man, "Look
buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional
wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over
to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?" The
blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want
to have to explain it five times."
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she
slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she
was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary
didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair
behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !''
shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to
sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and
Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again,
Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!''
shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back
to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve
say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny
jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If
you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in
half!'' The Teacher fainted.
A man sat at a local bar and said, "This is a special day, I'm
celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman next to him. I'm
celebrating, too" she replied, clinking glasses with him. "What are
your celebrating?" "I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens
were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "What a
coincidence, the woman said. For my husband and I have been trying to
have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did
your chickens become fertile?" she asked. 
"I switched cocks," he replied. 
"What a coincidence," she said
That's all folks.
Sebastiano
-- 
The pen is mightier than the sword... only if the
sword is very small and the pen is very sharp.

 Just some jokes in the void.
Carine! Le ho archiviate per un mio futuro "Viaggio in Inghilterra" (come il
film).
Ciao, FB

 "What a coincidence," she said
LOL :)
-- 
Enrico C
Do Something Amazing Today
Save a Life, Give Blood

There was this truck driver who had to deliver 500 penguins to the state
zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, his truck breaks
down. After about 3 hours, he waves another truck down and offers the
driver $500 to take these penguins to the state zoo for him.
The next day the original truck driver arrives in town and sees the new
truck driver crossing the road with 500 penguins walking in single file
behind him.
The original truck driver jumps out of his truck and asks, "What's going
on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo!"
The new truck driver responds, "I did take them to the zoo. And I had
enough money left over so now we're going to see a movie."
-- 
Mary

 enough money left over so now we're going to see a movie."
Nice!
Bye, FB (who is sooo hot)

Bye, FB (who is sooo hot)
Well, well, well. We have a dandy here. ;)
Yes, I know it means that the temperature is giving you a hard time,
but it also means that you're sexy, you know.
Never heard of the word "hottie"? I remember Halle Berry with a really
nice t-shirt with the word "hottie" written on it. Or was it some sort
of skivvy? I am not sure. Yes, it's true, I wasn't paying too much
attention to the dress. Or was it a scoop-neck tee? I've got to check
this out...
... and there she is! It's a black tank top, a scoop-neck sleveless
tee with the word "hottie" written in white. No way it's a skivvy, no
man would put that on... well... if she's the one who's asking I think
that a lot of men would wear it. Well, I know I would. 


 
very cute!
GFC

 enough money left over so now we're going to see a movie."
Funny!
What movie, btw? 
"Agent Z and the Penguin from Mars" 
"Penguin Pool Murder" 
"Penguin for Your Thoughts"
"The Tender Tale of Cinderella Penguin"
???


 redneck = (spreg. USA) abitante delle zone rurali del Sud [Zanich.]
Babylon dice che "redneck" è un operaio semplice; non credo che la cosa
influisca col senso della barzelletta.
L'ultima, mutatis mutandis, l'ho già sentita.
Ciao, FB

 influisca col senso della barzelletta.
'Redneck' descrive un operaio caucasiaco delle zone rurali del Sud ma è un
termine derogaterio. Il redneck ha la reputazione d'essere semplice nel senso
d'incolto, stupido, preconcetto, e di destra. Nella barzelleta è cosi scemo che
ha preparato per pranza il tramezzino odioso che l'ha fatto ammazzarsi.
Parole della canzone 'Redneck' di Randy Newman:
We're rednecks, we're rednecks
We don't know our ass from a hole in the ground
We're rednecks, we're rednecks
We're keeping the niggers down
http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/SongUnid/8F96DF1D1F62923B48256A3700484C22

 Eh eh, si`, era proprio il piu` facile :->
Sě, e la pronuncia č proprio simile. Sono andato avanti cinque minuti a
pronunciare "parrotshooting" ma non mi veniva niente.
Ciao, FB