Newsgroup: it.cultura.linguistica.inglese
Titolo: Funny Mistakes

ESL Mistakes
Copied from "Innocent English"
A cold is caused by micro-orgasms in your nose.
I had a little ass dent this morning.
I was walking to school and suddenly a beautiful woman cut my eye.
I fell in love with her the first time I sawed her.
She said she doesn't like fringe kissing.  She prefers kissing men without
tongues.
I want my face to have the buttocks treatment.
The what?
The buttocks treatment. It makes your wrinkles go away. It's very famous 
in Hollywood.
Oh. It's pronounced "bo tox".
That's it. The buttocks treatment. Maybe you need it too a little.
I think I am going to break him up.
I think she wants to spit up with me.
We have hated each other for so long.  I want to borrow the hatchet.
I have really good news.  I passed both my testes last week.
I am so eager to mate you!
Please execute me for being late.
I like you. My other tutor won't correct my grandma.
The entire country has been devastated by a long trout.
I loved him and he loved my back.
I don't know if he will propose, but I am expecting.

Fantastici!
Nebo

 Copied from "Innocent English"
Thanks for sharing. Now, since I was eating a yogurt when I read the
"botox/buttocks" mistake, who is going to clean my comfy dark blue couch?
Sebastiano

"botox/buttocks" mistake, who is going to clean my comfy dark blue couch?
LOL! :)
"The entire country has been devastated by a long trout." looks like a
movie whose script is mixing Gojira and "Trout Fishing In America" :-)
BTW 
http://www.brautigan.net/brautigan/audio/trout.mp3
'bye

"botox/buttocks" mistake, who is going to clean my comfy dark blue couch?
Well, that wasn't the grossest one.  How about "I've been in love with her
since the first time I sawed her"?  I guess he really wanted to make sure she
was beautiful inside and out.

 was beautiful inside and out.
ROTFL.
Sebastiano

Sebapop ha scritto:

There are also these (from native speakers!)
http://dbhs.wvusd.k12.ca.us/webdocs/Humor/Student-Mistakes.html
http://www.spd.eee.strath.ac.uk/~harve/student_bloopers.html
I am still laughing...
-- 
This is my opinion of modern, colloquial, American English. 
If you feel the need to e-mail me, un-not my address first.

 I am still laughing...
Me too. :)
Sebastiano


I used to think that Pratchett's books were the funniest thing in the world, 
but this is even funnier.
Two hours after reading it I was walking in the street and people were 
looking at me in a funny way until I realized that I was still chuckling at 
the thought of Queen Victoria sitting on a thorn for 63 years....
Thank you for sharing this.
Anyway, since my vocabulary is limited, in a few of those sentences I have 
trouble spotting what the correct word should have been.
What did the Indians carry on their back instead of porpoises?
What did Cyrus McCormick invent instead of a Raper?
What did King Harlod do to his troops instead of putting mustard on them?
Rincewind

 the thought of Queen Victoria sitting on a thorn for 63 years....
No wonder she was not amused.
Bye, FB
-- 
Se dico "siedi!" manca l'oggetto.
Siedo chi? Lei o me?
(da it.cultura.linguistica.italiano)

 No wonder she was not amused.
Or was she? ("Dive, thoughts, down to my soul"!!)
Bye, FB
-- 
"While I'm here, might I make a few changes? I adore my bedroom, but do you
think I could have my curtains washed? I believe they're red, but I should
like to make sure."
(Cold Comfort Farm, the film)

 What did King Harlod do to his troops instead of putting mustard on them?
He mustered them.
I suspect that a lot of these collections of "student bloopers" are
actually jokes, not mistakes by real students. Some of them sound
plausible, but a lot don't.
-- 
Mary


Yet she was luckier than Solomon who had to sleep with 500 porcupines......
Rincewind

 Papooses.
I would never have guessed this. (did I put the "never" in the right place 
or should it go after "have"?)
Thanks for your help.
Rincewind

 or should it go after "have"?)
It's in the right place.
-- 
Mary



Or "I never would have guessed", to stress "never", right?


 Or "I never would have guessed", to stress "never", right?
I suppose so, but I like the other version better. It sounds more modern
to me, and if you want to stress "never" you can do it by emphasis
instead of changing the position of the word. 
-- 
Mary

 I don't know if he will propose, but I am expecting.
Non so se proporrà qualcosa, ma lo sto aspettando, giusto??
Tschüss,
Enrico il Pentolaio
-- 
(visita il mio sito: 
http://members.xoom.it/srw
)
_____________________________________
"La gloria si da' soltanto a coloro che l'hanno sempre sognata." (Charles De
Gaulle)

 Non so se proporrà qualcosa, ma lo sto aspettando, giusto??
"Non so se lui mi chiederà di sposarlo, ma io sono incinta"
Sebastiano

 What did King Harlod do to his troops instead of putting mustard on them?
It's not just a matter of limited vocabulary, for some of these. I had to
re-read a couple of them, to get the point.
The Indians carried papooses (baby-backpacks).
I believe McCormick invented the rapier (sword).
King Harold "mustered" his troops (prepared them for battle).


 King Harold "mustered" his troops (prepared them for battle).
Having just read Mary's response (and having made the same error in
guessing it was a rapier, and not a reaper) I stand corrected.


 -- 
I once had a pupil who wrote about someone having an affair with his 
secretaire - it gave a new meaning to the term 'desk job' .
Mike 

 secretaire - it gave a new meaning to the term 'desk job' .
Oh, I see... I mean, I'm trying to.
Bye, FB
-- 
"Come, dear, we have already missed five, if not six, trains. To miss any
more might expose us to comment on the platform."
("The Importance of Being Earnest", Oscar Wilde)


secretaire : intended meaning 'secretary' ; actual meaning 'small writing 
desk'
desk job : normal meaning , an office job , where you sit at a desk ; 'new 
meaning' , analagous to 'blow job' , 'hand job' etc.
I know - never explain a joke !
It reminds me a bit of the episode with a duck in one of Sartre's stories - 
though there the desk was only an aid in the bestial business .
Mike

Mike Brewer ha scritto:

LOL. Add this to the list of fetishes...


generando frasi ridicole. 
Infatti.  E molte delle parole sono simili alla parola corretta come per
esempio "grandma/grammar".  Probabilmente bisogna avere una certa padronanza
del linugaggio per capirli.  Se per esempio non sai che e' "botox" o
"buttocks", naturalmente non la capirai.  Inoltre bisogna anche cogliere certe
sfunature che rendono la frase "funny".  "mate" per esempio viene usato
prevalentemente con il significato di "accoppiarsi" in maniera sessuale (ex:
cats mate in the late winter and early spring). Quindi quando uno ti dice "I am
eager to mate you" invece di "I am eager to meet you" ti immagini che
impressione?
I showed it to one of our ESL teachers and we had to grab a box of kleenex
because we were laughing so hard. 
bye
ari

 because we were laughing so hard. 
You are lucky. I only had yogurt and my couch. Ouch!
Sebastiano


At least you didn't come up with Ripper (which would have been quite 
appropriate if McCormick's first name had been Jack... ;-)
Rincewind

 Infatti sono MORTO dal ridere. :D
Some Brits would really say "meet" as "mate", but they would say "mate" as
"might", but they would say "might" as "moight", but...
Bye, FB
-- 
Emily: "I'm going to Europe and I'm going to have a marvellous time. I'm
going to get up at ten and have two glasses of wine at lunch every single
day."
Richard: "Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch!"
(Gilmore Girls, 501)

 wrote in message
news:3vkmv2xor75u.sd5ddt485d2q$.dlg@40tude.net...

Let's see now - Seba is mating with his couch. What does he do with
the yogurt?
Joe from Massachusetts


That's ok. A lot of people think that Eli Whitney invented a machine
to make gin from cotton.
Joe from Massachusetts

joscurtin ha scritto:
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He didn't? (Then why do I salute him every evening
at cocktail hour??)


 "moight", but...
Siamo alle soglie di un nuovo Grande Spostamento Vocalico?
-- 
Today no, tomorrow yes.

 Siamo alle soglie di un nuovo Grande Spostamento Vocalico?
I shouldn't think so, because "mate" for "meet" seems like [tei] instead of
[ti:] ("tea"), which I know is an older, rather than more recent,
pronunciation.
Bye, FB
-- 
Mrs. Palmer, in her way, was equally angry. 'She was determined to drop his
acquaintance immediately, and she was very thankful that she had never been
acquainted with him at all'. (Jane Austen)

 the yogurt?
The yogurt is pure entertainment. And I am not mating with my couch, it's
not my type.
Sebastiano