Newsgroup: it.cultura.linguistica.inglese
Titolo: Correggere una traduzione.

Ciao come è ormai consuetudine chiedo a qualcuno competente
d'informarmi riguardo mie eventuali cappelle :) (colgo l'occasione di
ringraziare Joey DoWop Dee che mi aiuta sempre!!mille grazie :) )
LA PROGENIE DI ICARO
THE PROGENY OF ICARUS
ora la tua pelle sa quanto scotta il sole
now your skin know how much the sun burn
ora la tua carcassa saprà quanto profondo è il mare
now your carcass will know how deep is the sea
il volo in direzione della libertà si è trasformato in tragedia e
tradimento
the flight in the direction of freedom transformed into tragedy and
betrayal
le parole del prade, quasi dimenticate,
the words of the father, almost forgotten, 
diventano pietre nella tua testa che ti trascinano in una caduta di
pianto e vergogna
become stones in your head that drag in a fall of crying and shame
tu hai lasciato che il sole eclissasse la voce di chi ti amava
you have let the sun eclipse the voice of who loved you
il tuo cuore oscurato ha preso la decisione.
your obscured heart have taken the decision.
rispondimi, per favore, rispondimi, questo è ciò che volevi?
answer me, please, answer me, is that what you wished?

 your obscured heart have taken the decision.
your obscured (mi da un'idea di "nascosto" più che di oscurato) direi your 
darkened e poi "has taken"

 the words of the father, almost forgotten, 
Anche "all but forgotten", credo.
Ciao, FB
-- 
L'importante è che risplenda tu, sola primadonna e immarcescibile leggenda
del tuo pianerottolo.
Lucangel

 Anche "all but forgotten", credo.
Ah, c'č anche altra roba, ma oggi sono piů codardo del solito. (faccina
sorridente)
Ciao, FB
-- 
L'importante č che risplenda tu, sola primadonna e immarcescibile leggenda
del tuo pianerottolo.
Lucangel

 Anche "all but forgotten"
I know I'm going OT but I just can't resist, every time I hear the "all 
but..." my mind races to the first Star Wars movie (episode 4 I think, 
anyway I refer to the 1977 movie) with Obi One telling Luke about his 
father and saying "now they're all but extinct" referring to the jedi 
knights.
Furthering the OT: now movie had several really "good" examples of bad 
translation, like
Clone wars -> guerra dei Quoti 
and the one I'll never ever understand: how could R2-D2 become C1-P8 ? 
:-))) 
I mean, numbers are numers, and the original one also had a nice ring to it 
"Artoo". Unless the translator had had a vision of the future, knowing that 
in the second movie (The empire strikes back) he would be able to 
flabbergast us with the orrible rhyme "C1P8! Stai bene, non sei rotto!" 
that, more than 20 years later, I still find revolting.
Sorry for the OT, but like I said I couldn't resist.

 
Veramente la prima versione va bene "how deep is the sea" (quasi 
"standard" expression) There's a standard song "How Deep is the Ocean", 
which comes to mind when I read this. Maybe it's an American thing.
"how the sea is deep" sounds like an expression of awe, and almost 
requires an exclamation point (How the sea is deep!)
"how deep the sea is" is perfectly fine, except that it doesn't have the 
rhythm that "how deep is the sea" has.
-- 
I am Joey's Cat
Un-not my address, too, if you wanna reply.

 which comes to mind when I read this. Maybe it's an American thing.
I see. Then I may add it to my list of expressions requiring, or allowing,
the posposition (e.g. "there is a book", "among the first to arrive was my
sister", "So wrote, ehm, Jane Austen in her book", etc.).


 
Yes, you may add it. It has a certain poesy that makes your phrase 
interesting, maybe because of the inversion of noun/verb.
Your example "there is a book" is a simple statement.
"Among the first to arrive was my sister" is a lovely way to introduce 
the subject of your sister's arrival.
You can of course say "My sister was among the first to arrive" (I know 
you know this) but there's a slight shift in emphasis (that might be too 
strong a word -- maybe "focus" is better: the first focuses on the first 
to arrive; the second on my sister.) Very subtle but effective 
difference.
A <ahem> *judicious* use of this type of phrasing will make your writing 
come alive and take on a rhythm. Overdoing it, however, will result in 
your sounding too much like, ehm, Jane Austen. :)


 your sounding too much like, ehm, Jane Austen. :)
And we surely have no desire to do it, do we? (witty face)
Bye, FB
-- 
Mrs. Palmer, in her way, was equally angry. 'She was determined to drop his
acquaintance immediately, and she was very thankful that she had never been
acquainted with him at all'.

 And we surely have no desire to do it, do we? (witty face)
What about "and we surely have no desire to do it, have we?"?


 
Ambedue sono corretti.
