Newsgroup: it.fan.culo
Titolo: Composizione collettiva: blues.

Ricordo un vecchio post sul come comporre blues.
Qualcuno lo riposta che poi proviamo a fare un diff con i messaggi di vb?
-- 
New Magic Flash


 : Newsgroups: it.fan.culo
 : Subject: The Blues
 : Date: Sun, 12 Jan 2003 13:03:46 GMT
 : 
 : Yeah, you either got it, or you ain't got it. There are only a few
 : simple rules for the blues. Master those and you got it. Gettit?
 : 
 : Part #1: "The basics..."
 : 
 : 1. Most Blues begin: "Woke up this morning" (not "As I stepped out one
 : fine morning in May..." or "Wack fol-der-diddle-oh,
 : fol-do-dithery-der-ee-oh").
 : 
 : 2. A really baaaaaaad way to begin the Blues is "I got a good woman" -
 : unless you stick something nasty in the next line, e.g. "I got a good
 : woman with the meanest dog in town."
 : 
 : 3. The Blues is simple though.  After you got the first couple of
 : lines right, repeat them. Or find something that rhymes... sort of.
 : Example: "Got a good woman - with the meanest dog in town. Got teeth
 : like Maggie Thatcher - and he weigh 500 pound."
 : 
 : 4. Good places for the Blues:
 : -highway
 : -jailhouse
 : -empty bed.
 : 
 : Bad places:
 : -Croke Park
 : -gallery openings
 : -RTE Radio Centre canteen
 : -yacht in Kinsale
 : -golf course in Kerry.
 : 
 : 5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken down pick-up trucks.
 : Not Blues cars: Volvos, Landrovers, "Sport Utility Vehicles", a
 : Volkswagen Golf or "a '98 Polo 1.0 in mint condition, one previous
 : owner, lady driver". NB most Blues transportation is a Greyhound Bus
 : or a southbound train, not a DART carriage or "the Friday Love Bus To
 : Kiltimagh". Jet aircraft and anything by Peugeot or BMW ain't even in
 : the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So
 : does fixin' to die.
 : 
 : 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin to die yet, they
 : still listening to Robbie Williams. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues,
 : adulthood is not defined as having an I.D. card for your local
 : off-licence. Adult is being old enough to get the electric chair if
 : you shoot a man in Memphis.
 : 
 : Lesson #2: "It's in E, A and B..."
 : 
 : 7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii, any
 : place in Canada or the Acorn Grove housing estate just outside Milton
 : Keynes. Hard times in St Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago,
 : St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues.
 : You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get no rain. And
 : Ireland don't count, even if you is Rory Gallagher.
 : 
 : 8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with
 : male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cos you snowboarding in
 : Italy is not the Blues.
 : 
 : 9. Breaking your leg cos a big fat alligator be chomping on it is.
 : 
 : 10. You can't have no Blues in an office or a suburban shopping
 : centre. The lighting is all wrong. Go outside to the car park.
 : 
 : 11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, not unless
 : you happen to be an old black man, an' you slept in it.
 : 
 : 12. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch: You stuck
 : in a ditch, ain't no way out - ain't like they teach you in Macra
 : tractor driving class.
 : 
 : Lesson #3: "Including the "make yer own Blues name" starter kit"
 : 
 : 13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:
 : -you're older than dirt
 : -you're blind
 : -you shot a man in Memphis
 : -you can't be satisfied.
 : 
 : No, if:
 : -you have all your teeth
 : -you were once blind but now can see
 : -the man in Memphis lived
 : -you have a pensions and retirement plan (but held onto those Eircom
 : shares).
 : 
 : 14. Blues is not a matter of colour. It's a matter of bad luck.
 : Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white
 : people also got a leg up on the Blues. Just look at Bono.
 : 
 : 15. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline (for Irish
 : readers, that's Blues-speak for petrol), it's the Blues. Other
 : acceptable Blues beverages are:
 : 
 : -bad wine
 : -bad whiskey or bad bourbon
 : -muddy water
 : -black coffee.
 : 
 : But the following are NOT Blues beverages:
 : 
 : -mixed drinks
 : -a pint of stout
 : -anything involving Baileys
 : -a "skinny cappuchino" from the West Coast coffee shop
 : -sparkling mineral water
 : -a Club Orange and a bag of crisps.
 : 
 : 16. If it occurs in a "cheap motel" or a "shotgun shack", it's a Blues
 : death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover, now that's another
 : Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and
 : dying lonely on a broken down cot, and you deserve a good epitaph on
 : your Blues musician's tombstone (e.g.  "I didn't wake up this
 : morning"). But you can't have a Blues death if you die during a
 : tennis match at Wimbledon or during the RTE version of "Who Wants To
 : Be A Millionaire" or while getting liposuction.
 : 
 : 17. Some Blues names for women: a) Sadie; b) Big Mama; c) Bessie; d)
 : Fat River Dumpling. Some Blues names for men: a) Joe; b) Big Joe; c)
 : Willie; d) Little Willie; e) Big Willie.
 : 
 : Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia and Rainbow can't sing the
 : Blues. People called Sada, Grainne, Sorcha, Thecla and Padraig don't
 : stand no chance neither, no matter how many big fellows they shoot in
 : Memphis.
 : 
 : 18. Finally, make yer own Blues name (starter kit): take the name of a
 : physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame etc), plus the name of a
 : fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi etc) or a Southern State in the US, e.g.
 : Georgia) plus the name of a US President (Jefferson, Johnson,
 : Fillmore etc). For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi
 : Fillmore, etc.
 : 
 : And that's the end of all three lessons! Easy wasn't it - now you're
 : called Blind Lemon Meringue or something, and now you got the Blues!
 : But frankly we don't care how tragic your life is, because... you
 : have a computer. And you got full high-speed Internet access. So you
 : cannot sing the Blues.  You best destroy your PC - with fire, a
 : spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun and chop it down in
 : its prime. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. We don't care.
 : Throw that load of Pentium chips out the window. Then tell your
 : supervisor: "Cripple Kiwi Fillmore made me do it."
-- 
fB

  : -yacht in Kinsale
ecco! Kinsale. Il posto dove avevo sentito "The Great Beyond" in un 
supermercato entrando a comprare la coca cola. Le foto ai fiori, la foto 
da regalare all'amico, la cena al pub...
verrebbe sicuramente un bel blues.
-- 
.oOo.oOo.oOo.oOo vb.
Vittorio Bertola - vb [a] 
bertola.eu.org
http://bertola.eu.org/
    <-- Vecchio sito, nuovo toblog!