Newsgroup: it.fan.marco-ditri
Titolo: Avvertenze


In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
1. On Sears hairdryer:
  "Do not use while sleeping."
  (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)
2. On a bag of Fritos:
  "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."
  (Evidently, the shoplifter special)
3. On a bar of Dial soap:
  "Directions: Use like regular soap."
  (And that would be how. . . ?)
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners:
  "Serving suggestions: Defrost."
  (But it's *just* a suggestion)
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
  "Do not turn upside down."
  (Oops, too late!)
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
  "Product will be hot after heating."   (As night follows the day . . . .)
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
  "Do not iron clothes on body."
  (But wouldn't this save even more time?)
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
   "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
   (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
   could just get those  5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid:
  "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
  (One would hope)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights:
  "For indoor or outdoor use only."
  (As opposed to what?)
11. On a Japanese food processor:
  "Not to be used for the other use."
  (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
  "Warning: Contains nuts."
  (NEWS FLASH)
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
   "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
   (Step 3: Fly Delta.)
14. On a child's Superman costume:
  "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
  (I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)
15. On a Swedish chain saw:
  "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or . . ."
  (Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?...Good grief)
16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:
  "Do not use on food."
  (Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's OK honey just grab the Palmolive!)
17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste:
  "If swallowed contact poison control."
  (Oh please have you ever heard about someone dying
  from swallowing a little toothpaste?)
18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:
  "Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."
  (Hey no more swimming in the washing machine kids....
  Aww you mean we have to use the swimming pool?)
-- 
ciao, | Bisogna essere il cambiamento che si vuole vedere nel mondo. --Gandhi
Marco | (Ri)scoprire fidonet: 
http://bbs.mi.linux.it

stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
In un Paese dove fai causa (vincendo) alla casa costruttrice perche'
non ha scritto di non mettere un gatto nel forno a microonde, oppure
perche' non hai scritto di scartare la caramella prima di mettertela in
bocca, c'e' da aspettarsi questo ed altro.
BTW, io ho bekkato centinaia di imbecilli seduti (anche a gruppi di
quattro... non appoggiati, proprio *stravaccati*) sui tavoli da ping
pong e sui biliardi che, alla richiesta di scendere, chiedono: "dove
sta scritto?".
Solitamente rispondo: "nelle norme di educazione" oppure, nelle
recidive, "se io vengo a sedermi sul tavolo di casa tua, cosa mi
dici?".
A volte viene da togliergli il tavolo da sotto le chiappe...  <g>
Fabrizio


sara' idiota, ma sta di fatto che la fidanzata di un mio amico lo fece
e si ustiono' la tetta.

 dici?".
Ma che postacci frequenti?
Di norma io frequento informatici, i quali abitualmente stanno seduti sulle
sedie.
Diciamo che non mi e' mai capitato.

Diciamo che non mi e' mai capitato.
E pensa che QUESTO e' un posto di classe...
Fabrizio (e non parliamo dei giocatori di calcetto, eh, non
parliamone...)

e si ustiono' la tetta.
Io sostengo che la realta' supera la fantasia.
Sempre.
Fabrizio (filosofo)