Newsgroup: it.fan.startrek
Titolo: [This is Spamming] Relax and start to move slowly, very slowly ...

<FONT COLOR="#FF0080">SKROOB Never have that damn thing down in front
of me. How do I know you're not making faces at me under there.
HELMET lifts up his mask. He sticks his tongue
out at SKROOB.
SANDURZ President Skroob
SKROOB Yes.
HELMET puts his tongue back in his mouth.
SANDURZ There it is: Planet Druidia.
SKROOB Ah, Planet Druidia, and ten thousand years
of fresh air.
HELMET (mask up; to Sandurz) The way he runs things,
it last a hundred.
SKROOB What?
HELMET shrugs.
SANDURZ We're beginning metamorphosis, sir.
SKROOB Good. Get on with it.
HELMET Ready, Kafka?
INT. EAGLE 5 - ORBIT OF DRUIDIA - SPACE LONE STARR,
BARF, VESPA, and DOT are sitting up front. LONE STARR is driving.
LONE STARR Look. It's Spaceball 1. They've reached
the air shield.
DOT And it's opening.
BARF How they gonna get the air out? I don't see
any hoses or anything.
EXT. SPACEBALL 1 - ORBIT OF DRUIDIA - SPACE SPACEBALL
1 begins to move. It starts to change form.
VESPA(O.S.) What's happening? The ship it's changing.
SPACEBALL 1 keeps on changing. Arms start to grow
out of the side. The rockets turn into feet.
INT. EAGLE 5 - ORBIT OF DRUIDIA - SPACE
BARF Oh my gosh. It's not just a spaceship. It's
a transformer.
EXT. SPACEBALL 1 - ORBIT DRUIDIA - SPACE The front
of the ship starts to turn over.
DOT(O.S.) It's changing into....
BARF(O.S.) ....a gigantic....
The front turns over to reveal a head similar
the Statue of Liberty's head. SPACEBALL 1 has changed into a Statue of
Liberty with a maid's outfit and a vacuum cleaner.
VESPA(O.S.) ....maid.
LONE STARR(O.S.) With a vacuum cleaner.
BARF(O.S.) So that's how they're gonna to get
the air out.
INT. MEGA MAID - ORBIT OF DRUIDIA - SPACE The
front of the ship is almost the same, except for the escape pods at the
top.
SANDURZ Metamorphoses is completed, sir. Spaceball
1 has now become.... (looks at the timpanist) The TIMPANIST plays a sort
of fanfare on the timpani.
SANDURZ ....Mega Maid.
HELMET (mask up) Good.
SKROOB Remarkable.
HELMET Now, commence Operation: Vacu-suck.
EXT. MEGA MAID - ORBIT OF DRUIDIA - SPACE A finger
flips a switch on the vacuum to &quot;ON.&quot; The vacuum starts up.
PLANET DRUIDIA - SURFACE - DAY The vacuum sucks
up snow off of a mountain. It sucks up trees out of a forest.
INT. MEGA MAID - ORBIT OF DRUIDIA - SPACE
SKROOB, HELMET, &amp; SANDURZ Suck. Suck. Suck.
PLANET DRUIDIA - INT. PALACE - ROLAND'S ROOM -
DAY ROLAND is looking at a picture of VESPA. He is having trouble breathing.
ROLAND Goodbye, little Vespa. My little baby,
Vespa. (faints)
INT. EAGLE 5 - ORBIT OF DRUIDIA - SPACE
VESPA The air bag, it's almost full.
LONE STARR We've gotta act fast. Step 1, we reverse
the vacuum and blow the air back on the planet; step 2, we destroy that
thing.
VESPA But isn't that dangerous?
LONE STARR Extremely, plus, I don't know how the
hell we're gonna do it. BARF What about that ring Yogurt gave you?
LONE STARR Oh yeah. LONE STARR pulls the Schwartz
ring out of his pocket.
LONE STARR But....
BARF C'mon, boss, give it a shot.
LONE STARR Okay. Here goes nothing.
LONE STARR points the ring at the vacuum.
EXT. MEGA MAID - ORBIT OF DRUIDIA - SPACE The
switch on the vacuum starts to glow and move towards the reverse part of
the vacuum.
VESPA(O.S.) Look at that. Wow.
BARF(O.S.) It....it's working.
VESPA(O.S.) C'mon Schwartz.
VESPA, BARF, &amp; DOT(O.S.) C'mon Schwartz. C'mon
Schwartz. C'mon Schwartz.
The switch flips over to the reverse part. The
vacuum starts blowing air back on the planet.
INT. MEGA MAID - SPACE
SKROOB Helmet, what's going on?
HELMET (mask down) Sandurz, what's going on?
SANDURZ It's Mega Maid. She gone from suck to
blow.
HELMET and SANDURZ react.
SKROOB What? They're getting all their air back.
(to Helmet) Do something. HELMET (to Sandurz) Do something.
SANDURZ (in microphone) Do something.
PLANET DRUIDIA - SURFACE - DAY The snow is dumped
back on the mountain. The trees are planted back in the same spots.
INT. PALACE - ROLAND'S ROOM - DAY Air starts to
come in. ROLAND wakes up.
ROLAND I'm breathing. Air. Air!
EXT. MEGA MAID - ORBIT OF DRUIDIA - SPACE EAGLE
5 flies in the ear of the head.
INT. EAGLE 5 - INT. MEGA MAID - EAR CANAL - SPACE
LONE STARR Dim the lights.
BARF Dimming the lights. (hits a switch)
The lights go out.
LONE STARR Go to inferred.
BARF Going to inferred. (turns a knob)
LONE STARR Prey to God.
BARF Preying to God.
The inferred light comes on. The television monitor
shows a layout of the ear canal. It shows how the EAGLE 5 is maneuvering
through the canal. LONE STARR turns on the scanning switch.
DOT Careful. Careful.
BARF What are you doin'?
LONE STARR Scanning. There's gotta be a self-
destruct mechanism somewhere in the central brain area.
The scanner looks around the ship.
LONE STARR I think we just found it. VESPA Where?
LONE STARR Watch.
LONE STARR hits a switch. The television monitor
shows a a red flashing button.
LONE STARR Bingo. There it is. It's right below
us. Put her in hover, Barf.
BARF Putting her hover.
LONE STARR I'm goin' down there. (walks toward
the door)
BARF He's goin' down there. I wouldn't.
EXT. EAGLE - INT. MEGA MAID - EAR CANAL - SPACE
LONE STARR walks down the ladder. He walks over to the emergency exit door.
He opens the door and walks in. When the door closes the silent emergency
alarm goes off.
INT. MEGA MAID - EXT. SELF-DESTRUCT ROOM - SPACE
A GUARD is standing next to the door to the self destruct room. LONE STARR
sneaks up on him and tries to knock him out with the Vulcan Neck Pinch.
GUARD reacts.
GUARD (MILA) What the hell are you doin'?
LONE STARR The Vulcan Neck Pinch.
GUARD (MILA) No, no, stupid, you've got it much
too high. It's down here where the shoulder meets the neck.
LONE STARR changes his hand position.
LONE STARR Like this?
GUARD (MILA) Yeah. (falls down unconscious)
LONE STARR Thanks. LONE STARR takes the key card
from the GUARD'S belt. He uses it in the panel to open the door. The panel
opens up showing an outline of a hand.
PANEL'S VOICE Hand print identification, please.
Hand print identification, please.
PANEL'S VOICE keeps repeating. LONE STARR takes
the glove off the hand of the guard. He puts it in the outline. The voice
stops. It scans the hand. A door opens next to the panel.
LONE STARR Thanks again. (knocks on Guard's helmet)
LONE STARR goes in the door.
INT. SELF-DESTRUCT ROOM - SPACE LONE STARR walks
in. He notices green bars guarding the self- destruct button.
SELF-DESTRUCT GUARD Is that you Mila?
LONE STARR reacts. He points the Schwartz ring
at a can of Spaceballs-the Shaving Cream. It starts to move towards him.
The SELF-DESTRUCT GUARD reacts. He turns around to LONE STARR who catches
the can.
SELF-DESTRUCT GUARD Who are you? What are you
doing with that?
LONE STARR This.
LONE STARR sprays shaving cream in the eyes of
the SELF-DESTRUCT GUARD. The SELF-DESTRUCT GUARD screams and opens his
mouth. LONE STARR sprays the cream down his mouth. The SELF-DESTRUCT GUARD
falls down unconscious.
LONE STARR Sweat dreams.
LONE STARR takes the card off the SELF-DESTRUCT
GUARD'S belt. He inserts it into a panel and moves a switch to pull up
the green bars. The green bars disappear. LONE STARR walks up to the
self-destruct
button. It says, &quot;DO NOT PUSH UNLESS YOU REALLY, REALLY, MEAN IT.&quot;
LONE STARR begins to press the button.
HELMET (mask down) Not so fast, Lone Starr. (walks
in)
LONE STARR Helmet. So, at last we meet for the
first time for the last time. (thinks about what he said) Yeah.
HELMET Before you die, there is something you
should know about us, Lone Starr.
LONE STARR What?
HELMET I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's
former room-mate.
LONE STARR What's that make us?
HELMET Absolutely nothing. Which is what you are
about to become. Prepare to die.
HELMET puts his Schwartz ring on. He puts his
hands next to his crouch. A green light beam similar to a light saber.
LONE STARR does the same.
HELMET You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz
is as big as mine.
Both look at their beams.
HELMET Now let's see how well you handle it.
HELMET walks over to LONE STARR and starts to
fight with him. They swipe at each other with their beams. HELMET pulls
back a little too far and knocks off the sound manager from the stage crew.
He screams and falls off a ledge. LONE STARR and HELMET stop fighting.
HELMET Ummm, he did it.
LONE STARR What?
LONE STARR swipes at HELMET. HELMET blocks it.
They start fighting again. They swipe at each other until their beams become
twisted.
HELMET Shit. I hate it when I get my Schwartz
twisted. Okay, maybe if my put leg up on yours we can split apart.
HELMET puts his foot on LONE STARR'S leg.
HELMET Good, yeah. On three; one, two, three,
go.
HELMET and LONE STARR pull away from each other.
Their beams disappear. HELMET looks up and recreates his beam. He points
it at LONE STARR. LONE STARR does the same and points his at HELMET. They
move in closer. Their beams touch ends. They are trying to cause the other
to lose their beam. HELMET loses his beam. LONE STARR swipes at HELMET'S
helmet. It doesn't make a mark. He tries again, same. He tries again, same.
HELMET lifts his mask up and laughs at him. LONE STARR'S beam disappears.
He punches HELMET'S face. HELMET'S mask falls down. He recreates his beam
and charges at LONE STARR. LONE STARR holds him back with his hand. HELMET
swipes at him several times. LONE STARR lets go of HELMET. HELMET runs
into a locker with his helmet.
HELMET So, Lone Starr, Yogurt has taught you well.
If there is one thing I despise, it is a fair fight. But if I must than
I must. May the best man win. Put 'er there. (offers to shake his hand)
LONE STARR goes to shake his hand. HELMET takes
the ring off LONE STARR'S hand.
HELMET The ring. I can't believe you fell for
the oldest trick in the book. What a goof. What's with you man? Come on.
You know what? No, here let me give it back to you. (offers the ring back)
LONE STARR goes up to get the ring back. HELMET
throws it in a grate. The ring goes in the grate. LONE STARR tries to catch
it and falls to the grate.
HELMET Oh, look. You fell for that, too. I can't
believe it man.
LONE STARR gets up and runs to a corner.
HELMET So, Lone Starr, now you see that evil will
always triumph, because good is dumb.
HELMET fires a green beam at LONE STARR. LONE
STARR dodges. HELMET tries again. LONE STARR dodges. HELMET tries again.
LONE STARR dodges. LONE STARR backs into another corner.
HELMET Very impressive, Lone Starr. Too bad this
isn't the Wide World of Sports.
YOGURT'S VOICE Use the Schwartz, Lone Starr. Use
the Schwartz.
LONE STARR I can't. I lost the ring.
YOGURT'S VOICE(O.S.) Forget the ring. The ring
is pumpkin. I found it in a Cracker Jack box. The Schwartz is in you, Lone
Starr. It's in you.
LONE STARR All right. I'll try.
HELMET Say goodbye to your two best friends, and
I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago.
LONE STARR points his fist at a mirror on a shelf.
It starts to move towards him. HELMET fires another green beam at his crouch.
LONE STARR catches the mirror, and cover his crouch. The beam reflects
off the mirror to HELMET. It hits HELMET'S crouch. HELMET falls back into
the self-destruct button and activates it.
SHIP'S VOICE Thank you for pressing the self-destruct
button. This ship will self-destruct in three minutes.
LONE STARR runs out of the room.
INT. MEGA MAID - SPACE An alarm starts going off.
Red lights start flashing. SKROOB and SANDURZ react.
SKROOB What's going on? Where the hell are we,
Paris?
SHIP'S VOICE Thank you for pressing the self-destruct
button. This ship will self-destruct in exactly two minutes and forty-five
seconds.
SKROOB You've got to stop it. Is there any to
stop it?
SANDURZ I can't. It's irreversible.
SKROOB Like my raincoat.
SANDURZ (in microphone) Attention. This is Colonel
Sandurz in forward command. Abandon ship. Abandon ship.
Everyone on the ship starts to panic and run like
crazy.
SANDURZ (in microphone) All personnel, proceed
to escape pods. Close down the circus. Evacuate the zoo. Self-destruct
mechanism has been activated. Abandon ship.
SKROOB Sandurz, Sandurz, you've got to help me.
I don't know what to do. I can't make decisions. I'm the president.
SHIP'S VOICE This is your two minute warning.
This ship will self-destruct in exactly two minutes.
SANDURZ Launch all escape pods as soon as they
are filled.
INT. EAGLE 5 - INT. MEGA MAID - EAR CANAL - SPACE
VESPA What's happening? Where is he? Where is
he?
LONE STARR (walks in) Here. We've got a minute
and forty before the end of the world. Hang on.
EXT. EAGLE 5 - INT. MEGA MAID - EAR CANAL - SPACE
Two troopers come out of the emergency door with guns. They get under the
EAGLE 5 and start firing at the floor.
INT. EAGLE 5 - INT. MEGA MAID - EAR CANAL - SPACE
LONE STARR Full throttle.
BARF Full throttle. (pulls on throttle)
LONE STARR Go to hyperjets.
BARF Going to hyperjets. (pulls on hyper-lever)
EAGLE 5 takes off. Everyone inside is pushed back
with the sudden burst of speed.
INT. MEGA MAID - SPACE SANDURZ climbs the ladder
and looks in the first escape pod. He moves on to the next one. SKROOB
follows him. He looks in the first pod.
SKROOB Hey, get outta there. Where do you think
you're going?
PIZZA GUY Pizza to go. (laughs)
The PIZZA GUY pulls on a lever. The door closes
from the top. The pod takes off. HELMET walks up a ladder to his pod. A
bearded woman is getting into it.
HELMET Hey, hey, that's my escape pod. Who are
you?
BEARDED LADY I'm the bearded lady. What are you?
One of the freaks?
The BEARDED LADY knees HELMET in the crouch. She
laughs. She gets in the pod and takes off. HELMET looks in the window of
the door.
HELMET No. Come back you fat, bearded, bitch.
SKROOB, SANDURZ, and HELMET don't notice a bear
getting in the last pod.
SKROOB One pod left, and three of us, and I'm
the president. Well boys it's a very lovely ship. I think you should go
down with it. Good-bye.
SKROOB gets in the pod. He sits on the bear. He
tries to buckle the arms of the bear like there are a seat belt. He looks
at the bear and reacts. The bear chases him out of the pod. The bear closes
the door and waves at SKROOB. The pod takes off.
SHIP'S VOICE This ship will self destruct in twenty
seconds. This is your last chance to push the cancellation button.
SKROOB Cancellation button? Hurry.
They all slide down a ladder. They run to the
center of the ship.
HELMET Where is it? Where is it. SANDURZ It's
gotta be here.
SANDURZ opens a panel to the self-destruct cancellation
button. It has a sign on that says, &quot;OUT OF ORDER.&quot;
SANDURZ Out of order?
HELMET Fuck. Even in the future nothing works.
SHIP'S VOICE This ship will self-destruct in exactly
ten seconds.
SKROOB, SANDURZ, and HELMET react. They scrunch
up together.
SHIP'S VOICE Counting down. Ten, nine, eight,
six....
SKROOB Six? What happened to seven?
SHIP'S VOICE Just kidding.
SKROOB, SANDURZ, and HELMET react.
INT. EAGLE 5 - INT. MEGA MAID - EAR CANAL - SPACE
They are driving close to the end of the canal.
VESPA There's the other end. Faster.
SHIP'S VOICE Seven, six, five....
INT. MEGA MAID - SPACE
SHIP'S VOICE ....four, three, two, one. Have a
nice day.
SKROOB, SANDURZ, &amp; HELMET Thank you.
EXT. MEGA MAID - SPACE The EAGLE 5 comes out of
the opposite ear, and it starts to fly away. MEGA MAID explodes. The EAGLE
5 just makes it out of the explosion.
VESPA(O.S.) We did it!
INT. EAGLE 5 - SPACE VESPA hugs BARF. DOT is dancing.
LONE STARR is cheering. VESPA turns to hug LONE STARR. They start to kiss,
but they stop.
LONE STARR We all did it.
PLANET DRUIDIA - INT. EAGLE 5 - MORNING LONE STARR
and BARF are watching the news.
NEWS MAN ....so I guess you might call that a
case of man bites druid. (laughs) On a sadder note, Pizza the Hut (famed
half-man, half-pizza) was found dead earlier today in the back seat of
his stretched limo. Evidently, the notorious gangster became locked in
his car, and ate himself to death. Coming up, Pongo's review of Rocky
five....thousand.
Pongo.
BARF laughs and turns off the television.
BARF Did you here that? Pizza kicked the bucket.
Now we don't have to pay him the million. We can keep it for ourselves.
LONE STARR Yeah.
EXT. PALACE - DAY EAGLE 5 flies in and circles
around the palace then lands on the ground.
INT. PALACE - THRONE ROOM - DAY The DOOR MAN opens
the door to let VESPA, LONE STARR, BARF, and DOT in. VESPA runs to ROLAND.
VESPA Daddy. (runs to hug Roland) Oh, daddy.
ROLAND Vespa, my darling. I thought I'd never
see you again. Oh, my sweet little daughter. I'm so happy that home and
safe. And little Vespa, here's someone else who's happy to see you. ROLAND
reveals VALIUM asleep in a chair. A man who was talking to ROLAND hits
VALIUM. VALIUM wakes up.
VALIUM Oh, hello. (yawns) Where've you been? EXT.
EAGLE 5 - SPACE EAGLE 5 is flying into space away from the camera.
EXT. DINER - SPACE EAGLE has landed on the platform.
INT. DINER - SPACE A waitress is talking to the
cashier. The cashier gives her something.
WAITRESS Thanks, hon.
LONE STARR and BARF walk in. They sit at the bar.
The WAITRESS walks towards them. She gives them water.
WAITRESS (to Barf) Hi, big stuff. (to Lone Starr)
Hi, dream. (to both) What'll you have?
LONE STARR We've just got a few minutes while
were gasin' up. What's ready?
WAITRESS I can give the Space Soup or the Space
Special.
LONE STARR Ummmmm, I'll have the soup.
WAITRESS Okay. (writes the order)
BARF I'll have the cleavage, ur, the special.
WAITRESS Okay, I have one special and one soup.
The WAITRESS comes up behind them to a table. BARF'S TAIL is wagging and
is going up the waitress's mini-skirt.
WAITRESS You ready to order? CUSTOMER Hi, yes.
We'll both have the luna fish.
WAITRESS Okay, anything to drink? (turns around)
Hey, hey, watch you're stickin' that thing.
BARF (turns around) Huh? Oh, look, it's got a
mind of it's own, sweetheart. I can't do a thing with it. (laughs)
The WAITRESS walks away to another table. BARF
howls like a dog. LONE STARR hits him.
BARF What?
Some people are sitting at the other end of the
bar. One of them is telling a story. One of them (JOHN HURT) is eating.
GUY AT BAR We were lost. None of us knew where
we were. And then Harry began feelin' around on all the trees. And then
he says, &quot;I got it: we on Pluto. And we said, &quot;Harry how can
you tell?&quot; He said, &quot;From the bark you dummies. (laughs) From
the bark. (laughs)
JOHN HURT starts to act like he's choking on his
food. Then he grabs his stomach like he has indigestion.
WOMAN AT BAR Is he all right?
GUY AT BAR Yeah, this guy digs me.
JOHN HURT spits out some of his food. They lie
him down on the bar. LONE STARR and BARF look and react.
WOMAN AT BAR Bring some water.
GUY AT BAR Water my ass. Bring this guy some Pempto
Bismal.
BARF Waitress! Waitress, what did order?
The WAITRESS comes over to BARF. She looks over
to JOHN HURT.
WAITRESS Oh, he had the special. BARF The spec....
That's what I ordered. Change my order to the soup.
LONE STARR Good move.
Something is trying to push out of JOHN HURT'S
stomach. It eventually comes out. A little alien comes out of his stomach.
It growls. JOHN HURT looks at it.
JOHN HURT Oh, no. Not again.
The ALIEN jumps out of his stomach on to Spaceballs-the
Placemat. Some people scream. The ALIEN growls again. Then, it puts on
a little hat and starts to dance down the bar.
ALIEN Hello, my baby. Hello my honey. Hello my
rag-time gal. Sonny my pitched my wild. Baby my heart's on fire.
The ALIEN dances past LONE STARR and BARF. LONE
STARR and BARF react.
ALIEN If you refuse me, honey, you lose me, then
you'll be left alone. Oh baby, telephone and tell I'm your own.
The ALIEN goes through doors in the wall. The
doors close behind him. LONE STARR and BARF stand up.
LONE STARR &amp; BARF Check please.
EXT. CHAPLE - DAY The sing outside says, &quot;TODAY,
THE ROYAL WEDDING OF PRINCESS VESPA TO PRINCE VALIUM, TAKE TWO.&quot;
INT. CHAPLE - DAY ROLAND and VESPA are standing
next to each other. DOT is behind VESPA. The USHER walks in.
USHER Five minutes to magic time.
ROLAND Are you all right, my dear. You look a
little fighty.
VESPA Don't worry about me, Father. I'm completely
over him. Ha, didn't even stay for the wedding. Just grabbed his million
spacebucks and ran.
ROLAND He didn't take the million.
VESPA He didn't?
ROLAND No. He just took two hundred and forty-eight
spacebucks for lunch, gas, and tolls.
INT. EAGLE 5 - SPACE
BARF I still can't believe you turned down the
money. At least we could've stayed for the wedding feast. I'm starvin'.
Have you got anything to eat.
LONE STARR Na. Oh, wait. Yogurt gave me that fortune
cookie. (gets the cookie out of his pocket) Here, chow down. (hands it
to Barf)
BARF (takes it) Wow, thanks. I'll split it with
ya.
LONE STARR No.
BARF Okay.
BARF opens the cookie. A stream of gold glitter
comes out of the cookie and flies over the doorway. LONE STARR and BARF
react. The stream stops at the doorway. It turns into YOGURT. He has gold
glittery streams coming out of him.
LONE STARR &amp; BARF Yogurt.
YOGURT Hello, boys. Well, you opened your fortune
cookie, so here's your fortune. Lone Starr, you know that medallion that
you wear around your neck, but you don't know what it means?
LONE STARR takes the medallion out of his shirt.
YOGURT Well, here's what it means: it's a royal
birth certificate. Yes. Your father was a king. Your mother was a queen.
Which makes you a certified prince.
LONE STARR Hey, I'm a prince. I'm a prince. Which
means....
YOGURT Which means, if you hurry, there could
be a princess in your future. Now, if you want to get back there before
she marries Sleeping Beauty, there's and special can of fuel in your glove
compartment. Good luck, boys.
BARF Bye, Yogurt.
LONE STARR And, Yogurt, thanks.
YOGURT You're welcome. And my the Schwartz be
with you..... (starts to fade away) .....oh...oh....what a world, what
a world. (completely fades out)
LONE STARR Barf, open that glove compartment.
BARF You got it, your highness.
BARF opens the glove compartment and pulls out
a can of Liquid Schwartz.
BARF Wow, Liquid Schwartz.
LONE STARR Quick, pour it in the emergency tank.
BARF Right.
BARF opens the emergency tank lid in the floor.
He pours the Liquid Schwartz in the tank. As he pours, the tank starts
to glow yellow.
LONE STARR Look at that.
BARF Done.
BARF closes the lid and sits up.
LONE STARR Hang on, Barfo, we're gonna make space-tracks.
(turns the wheel shapely)
EXT. EAGLE 5 - SPACE EAGLE turns around sharply
and leaves space-tracks where it turned.
EXT. MEGA MAID'S HEAD - ORBIT OF PLANET OF THE
APES - SPACE The head falls toward the planet. SKROOB, SANDURZ, and HELMET
are screaming.
PLANET OF THE APES - BEACH - DAY The head falls
toward the beach and crashes on the sand. Two apes riding horses ride towards
the head. They stop when they see something moving.
1ST APE Dear me, what are those things coming
out of her nose?
The 2ND APE looks through binoculars. He sees
SANDURZ on the ground, HELMET is climbing down a rope, followed by SKROOB.
SKROOB steps on HELMET'S helmet.
HELMET (mask up) Hey, hey, watch my helmet.
The 2ND APE stops looking in the binoculars.
2ND APE Spaceballs?
1ST APE Oh shit, there goes the planet.
INT. CHAPLE - ALTAR - DAY The minister is conducting
the wedding ceremony.
MINISTER Dearly beloved, we are gathered here
together (pause) again....
VESPA (to Roland) Why didn't you tell he didn't
take the money?
ROLAND I didn't think it was important.
MINISTER May I continue, please?
ROLAND Besides, he asked me not to tell you.
MINISTER Thank you. ....to join Princess Vespa
and Princess Valium. I'm sorry, it's the hair. Prince Valium in the bonds
of holy matrimony.
VESPA I see it all now. Don't you see he loves
me?
MINISTER Excuse me, I'm trying to conduct a wedding
here which has nothing to do with love. Please be quiet.
VESPA I'm sorry.
ROLAND I'm sorry.
VALIUM I'm sorry, too.
MINISTER Don't be sorry, be quiet.
VESPA, ROLAND, &amp; VALIUM I'm sorry.
MINISTER ....to join Princess Vespa and Prince
Valium in the bonds of holy....
EAGLE 5 flies over.
MINISTER ....moly.
AUDIENCE reacts.
MINISTER Matrimony.
VESPA That's him. I know it's him. He's come back.
MINISTER That's it. We're gonna take no more chances
and to do it with the short version. (faster) Do you Prince Valium take
Princess Vespa to be your lawfully wedded wife.
VALIUM (yawns) Uh-huh.
MINISTER (fast) Princess Vespa, do you take Prince
Valium to be your lawfully wedded husband.
VESPA Uh....well....I suppose. Oh, I don't know.
LONE STARR and BARF walk in the doorway behind
everybody.
LONE STARR No, she doesn't
MINISTER What?
ALL react. LONE STARR and BARF walk down the aisle.
He stops half way.
MINISTER Who the hell are you?
LONE STARR Prince Lone Starr.
VESPA Prince?
LONE STARR I just found out. That's what this
says. I'm an honest to God prince. Will you marry me?
VESPA Well, let me think about it. (pushes Valium)
Yes.
LONE STARR walks onto the altar.
MINISTER I'm sick of this. I don't give a damn
who it is, but I'm gonna marry somebody today. (to Barf) Who are you?
BARF I'm the best man.
MINISTER What's you name?
BARF Barf.
MINISTER Your full-name.
BARF Barfolomew.
MINISTER Are the one getting married?
BARF No.
MINISTER Then get over there.
BARF reacts and moves to the left of the altar.
MINISTER Okay. Here we go, the short-short version.
(to Lone Starr) Do you?
LONE STARR Yes.
MINISTER Do you?
VESPA Yes.
MINISTER Good. You're married. Kiss her.
LONE STARR I love you.
VESPA I love you.
LONE STARR and VESPA kiss. AUDIENCE applaud. BARF
starts to cry.
DOT Well, (sniff) good-bye Virgin Alarm.
EXT. EAGLE 5 - SPACE EAGLE 5 takes off into space.
It has, &quot;JUST MARRIED&quot; written on the back. The jets are leaving
a stream of gold glitter behind. They form the words, &quot;MAY THE SCHWARTZ
BE WITH YOU.&quot;
ROLL MAIN CAST and CREDITS.
THE END
Sono convinto che un Dio esista ...
.. ma Lui è al corrente della nostra esistenza?

Dopo tutti i neuroni bruciati parlando di PD rilassatevi ...
^____^
Stavamo giusto aspettando te per proseguire.
-- 
Ciao Ciao....................  Kurgo ( Gianni )

Ciao Ciao....................  Kurgo ( Gianni )
--
Sono convinto che un Dio esista ...
.. ma Lui č al corrente della nostra esistenza?