Newsgroup: it.arti.cinema
Titolo: Onion sul flop dei blockbuster estivi

http://www.onion.com/opinion/index.php?issue=4133
I've been a major Hollywood director for a long time, and I thought
I'd seen it all. But I can't help wondering what's happening to the
entertainment industry—indeed, to our entire society. Where are our
standards? Our values? For fuck's sake—our cultural priorities? I
simply cannot accept that March Of The Penguins is the big summer hit
everybody's talking about. Hello?
It used to be that a summer blockbuster had to have brutal violence,
sexy women, breathtaking action sequences, adrenaline-pumping
high-speed chases—at a bare minimum, some explosions. But sitting
through that penguin movie, I couldn't believe my eyes. Where were the
big set pieces? Hell, this movie didn't even have sets! Has anyone
ever heard of production values? It's one of the most vital aspects of
the filmmaking art, and you don't get it by just showing up on an
iceberg and filming whatever happens to be in front of you. Frankly,
for real icebergs, they looked fake. This film is an insult to the
great men and women who spend countless hours in front of computers
creating incredibly realistic CGI icebergs.
Does no one out there care about these things anymore but me? Am I a
lone voice of sanity crying out in a universe gone mad?
What kind of a world do we live in when a futuristic techno-thriller
starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson as escaped clones on
levitating jet bikes doesn't outgross the shit out of a glorified
Discovery Channel rerun? Don't people realize how much money I spent?
How many people it took to bring that vision to the screen? Do people
realize how many rewrites and punch-ups we went through? I paid my
writers millions of dollars, and they were some of the best in the
biz. You know who wrote their script? A bunch of birds.
Where was the villain? A story's not going to keep an audience on the
edge of their seats without a strong opposition. Where was the
second-act turning point? You've gotta have that moment when the
hero's at the end of his rope and the bad guy looks like he's going to
win it all. And where was the love story? Stars have to have real
chemistry that smolders on the screen to make a summer blockbuster one
to remember. Okay, the penguin movie had mating cycles, but that's not
love. Is it all about sex to these animals?
Speaking of which, I think we can all agree that the penguins in this
film gave some pretty wooden performances. In many scenes, it was
impossible to tell them apart. Maybe if they'd moved the camera once
in a while, I could have gotten more emotionally invested in what was
going on. For Christ's sake, there was not a single crane shot in the
whole movie!
I remember a day when the public appreciated fine cinema. In that lost
age, it made sense that my important historical drama Pearl Harbor had
a fighting chance for at least a special-effects Oscar. Best sound, no
question. But now, in this crazy upside-down, topsy-turvy world, I
hear that—guess what?—the only summer movie getting any Oscar buzz is
a static, near-silent documentary about waddling, flightless birds! 
These days, I guess old-fashioned values like "megawattage,"
"high-octane thrill rides," and "explosions" just don't matter
anymore. Well, I call that a sad day for American moviemaking.
I'm busy in pre-production planning my next big spectacle (which no
one will see because they'll be off watching a 10-hour documentary on
park squirrels, no doubt). But if you are in the San Diego area, do me
this favor: Go to Sea World, walk into the emperor-penguin exhibit,
and punch one those fuckers right in the face. Tell 'em Michael Bay
sent ya.
-- 
 ... mi sboccia un riso di seduzioni
Amalia Guglielminetti Seduzioni
http://www.intervocative.com/dvdcollection.aspx/Voss

 sent ya.
Cattivissimo e spettacolare, grazie di averlo postato! :-D
-- 
UFV:Madagascar/Melinda e Melinda/Tu chiamami Peter/Ensayo de un
crimen(DVD)/El(DVD)/Cani arrabbiati.avi/Ehrengard(VHS)/L'invenzione 
di Morel(VHS)/36 Quai des Orfévres - 
http://www.albertofarina.tk

Antonio "toto" Fanelli ha scritto:
(..)
ROTFL, è pur vero che gira cagate, ma almeno bisogna riconoscerli il 
senso dell'umorismo.
Chissà cosa ne pensa il mio quasi omonimo produttore.
-- 
Jerr