Newsgroup: it.arti.cinema
Titolo: Everything I've ever learned, I've learned from StarWars

Parlando di storici trattati, beccateve questa:
EVERYTHING I'VE EVER LEARNED, I'VE LEARNED FROM STAR WARS
  This list taken mainly from a list compiled by Simon H. Lee from
posts to the newsgroup Rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc. Additional entries
were sent by e-mail to the  author.                                  
   1.Never trust men in dark helmets. 
   2.It really isn't necessary to be fluent in over 6 million forms of
communication. 
   3.When all else fails....jump! 
   4.Sometimes, you've just gotta do something that seems totally
suicidal. 
   5.If you are a young hero, nothing can kill you. 
   6.Always check the background of people you want to get intimately
involved with, they may be your relatives. 
   7.You may have family members in surprisingly high positions. 
   8.Before you kill someone make sure they aren't your father. 
   9.Watch out for Corellian freighters diving out of the sun. 
  10.Know the difference between power socket and a computer terminal.
  11.THIS one goes there, and THAT one goes there! 
  12.No matter how tasty that hunk of meat looks on that pole on that
forest moon, don't grab it; it's probably a trap. (Or: when you see a
piece of dead meat
     impaled on a stake in the woods, LEAVE IT!!!!!!!!!) 
  13.Cute, cuddly, widdle teddy bears usually will eat you alive
unless you can prove you're a god. 
  14.Never stand on a trapdoor leading to a Rancor pit. 
  15.No disintegrations. 
  16.If you're running from the law, hide in a building and lock the
door. They may decide to move on to the next one. Otherwise, hope they
don't have blasters. 
  17.If it's, like, -50 degrees out, and the doors are going to close,
come in out of the cold. The meteor will still be there tomorrow. 
  18.Take a good look around for bad guys before looking into your
binoculars. 
  19.Fire on a rebel base *before* they blow up your space station. 
  20.Don't assume a senior citizen is weak and frail; they may zap you
with lightning bolts. 
  21.Never, never, never underestimate the power of the Dark Side 
  22.You will find many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on
our own point of view 
  23.No matter how deeply one falls into darkness, there is always
hope for redemption 
  24.Just when you think there is no more hope, alas, there is one
more. 
  25.Never judge a "piece of junk" spaceship from the outside. More
often than not, "she's got it where it counts." 
  26.Beware of judging someone else's beliefs as just a "hokey
religion." You just may end up eating those words. 
  27.Never buy anything from a short, hooded, smelly guy. 
  28.It's never my fault. 
  29.Never judge anything by its size. 
  30.There are those who are less forgiving than Darth Vader. 
  31.Always let a Wookie win. 
  32.Never cast your lightsaber away, you just might need it 
  33.It not a good idea to follow up on a vision while meditating 
  34.Nothing is ever to small to get away from you (R2 in ANH) 
  35.Whining about something never helps (Toshi Station in ANH) 
  36.Taking your droids to a bar will only arouse suspision (ANH) 
  37.Don't leave your food out for others to eat (ROTJ) 
  38.Don't attempt to handcuff someone larger than you (Chewie in ANH)
  39.It is not always neccessary to ignore the annoying (3PO in ESB) 
  40.Always pay off your debts in a hurry 
  41.If your in it just for the money, you might blow your chances
with the princess 
  42.It is pointless to argue with family members (Owen in ANH) 
  43.In negotiations, a thermal detonator can come in handy 
  44.Be cautious of "friends" offering refreshments 
  45.If some yells out "It's a trap!" then believe them 
  46.DON'T go in any CAVES! 
  47.Watch your hands when swordfighting. 
  48.Short green guys with big ears can be more than they seem. 
  49.Wading around in a pool of garbage is infinitely more preferable
to getting killed. 
  50.Electricity really *hurts*. 
  51.The most important part of your spaceship is the hyperdrive. 
  52.Maybe we SHOULD listen to the protocol droid just this once... 
  53.Pay your debts on time, you can't always kill the bill collector.
  54.Walk in single file to hide your numbers. 
  55.When buying used appliances make sure they've been totally mind
wiped... er... reconditioned. 
  56.When wearing stormtrooper armor, remember to make sure the door's
completely open before going through it. 
  57.Trust yourself. 
  58.Never tell someone the odds! 
  59.Never allow yourself to become as clumsy as you are stupid. 
  60.Always accept apologies. 
  61.When offered promotion under duress, it might be wise to make
like a tree and get outta there! 
  62.Never trust a spokesman for an alcoholic malt beverage. (Or:
Don't trust people who appear in Colt .45 commercials. Or: NEVER
accept an invitation to
     have a drink or eat with MR. Colt 45 himself--it may just be a
setup.) 
  63.Hokey religions just might be a good substitute for a blaster at
your side 
  64.Never let your friend know if you're having problems with your
droid. 
  65.Never assume that carbonating someone is "all too easy". 
  66.Never tell strange creatures in a bar that you'll be careful. 
  67.Just when you think you're ready, you hit your head. 
  68.When you protest about the terms of an agreement, the terms might
be altered further. 
  69.You never know what a day is gonna bring.... 
  70.After spending several months in deep-frost, your vision will be
blurry 
  71.When in doubt, follow the garbage 
  72.Size matters not (now there's one you can use in real life!) 
  73."Try not. Do or do not. There is no try." 
  74."Mind what you have learned, save you it can." 
  75.Even if it's a great shot, don't get cocky. 
  76.Don't intimidate, annoy, or otherwise attack any kind of old man,
or his friends, who has what appears to be a flashlight hanging from
his waist. 
  77.Never build a secret base in cold, arctic regions 
  78.Be prepared for things to go wrong 
  79.Never let a protocol droid try to fix your ship!!!! 
  80.Never trust a strange computer. 
  81.You'll always have a bad feeling about somethiing 
  82.Don't park in asteroids 
  83.Bacta cures all 
  84.Don't try to make friends via the Death Star com-link (Han Solo
only) 
  85.Never proclaim your "moment of triumph" before it actually
happens 
  86.If "the Force is strong in this one" and you're not, BACK OFF! 
  87.The targeting computer is really a worthless piece of junk
compared to the Force 
  88.The Dark Side is never irrevocable 
  89.Never say "watch this" when dealing with a hyperdrive 
  90.When bragging about how fast your car is, tell how many
"kilometers" you did the DC run in..... 
  91.Always change the negative power coupling before going on long
space voyages. 
  92.Remember to TURN ON YOUR COMLINK!!!! 
  93.Don't shoot out the controls to a bridge BEFORE you cross the
bridge 
  94.Make sure to tell your lover that you have a brother first. 
  95.Never tell a teacher who's been teaching for 800 years who to
teach and who not to teach. 
  96."It's not my fault!!!" 
  97.Don't ever fake left, you'll lose a hand 
  98.If you want to keep your friends warm, shove them inside a dead
animal!! 
  99.Never leave tools hanging over a friends head unless the ship is
parked. 
 100.If a droid sneaks up on you while you're kissing a princess,
ignore him. 
 101.When parking your spaceship, make sure you aren't in the stomach
of a huge worm-like monster. 
 102.If all else fails, angle the deflector shields. 
 103.Never buy droids. 
 104.If you ever buy droids, make sure they have a good motivator 
 105.If a R2 unit proves to have a bad motivator, do not buy another
one 
 106.If you really have to buy one, then do NOT remove his restraining
bolt 
 107.If, in spite of all that, you have removed the restraining bolt,
then you will have to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi
like your father (even if you
     only wanted to be a mere space pilot) 
 108.Guys in black are bad guys 
 109.Guys in white can also be bad guys (in this case, they are called
stormtroopers) 
 110.Beware of transparent or holographic persons, they will always
cause you trouble ("This droid must be safely delivered to Alderaan",
"You will go to the
     Dagobah system", "The son of Skywalker must not become a Jedi",
..) 
 111.Watch out for those trees. 
 112.After toppling an altrustic democracy, seizing control of the
military, and establishing yourself as supreme dictator, it's a good
idea to invest in helmets that
     your troops can see through. 
 113.Always duck after throwing someone down a ventilation shaft. 
 114.If you run a military academy, go over how to deal with small,
furry opponents. 
 115.Don't jump down garbage chutes. 
 116.If your father's clothes creak when he walks, be diplomatic in
his presence. 
 117.Don't engage in physical displays of affection with tall, hairy
people who could rip you limb from limb and who get over-enthusiastic.
 118.The hard part of a jail-break is getting out; plan for it. 
 119.Always look for trap doors when consulting with a crime lord in
his own house. 
 120.Whining about power converters makes you look like an idiot. 
 121.Don't trust people who brag about the speed of their vehicle to
be subtle, and don't trust them with your sister, either. 
 122.If you teach out of a swamp, you can't expect too much in the way
of tuition. 
 123.People who are "more machine now than human, evil and twisted"
set a pretty sparse table. 
 124.If you're idea of penetrating the enemy's defenses is allowing
yourself to be captured and attacking during your execution, you
should probably seek the
     advice of someone who's survived longer. 
 125.If somebody cuts your hand off, don't trust him to betray his
boss for you. 
 126.Young men should be wary of getting involved with crazy, old
hermits who like to be called "Master." 
 127.Dead animals usually smell worse on the INSIDE 
 128.If you find Banthas, don't stick around to see where their riders
are. 
 129.Cold weather can cause one to hallucinate. 
 130.Don't go chasing falling meteors. 
 131.Make sure you always see where your enemies hands are (Greedo in
ANH) 
 132.Blowing on a torch will not put it out. 
 133.Don't stick around to watch a fight 
 134.Droids don't taste good. 
 135.Don't use technology you don't understand (Ewoks w/ AT-ST,
speeder bike) 
 136.No matter how protected you are, falling rocks will still hurt. 
 137.When following a roguish space pirate into the east corridor (or
wherever), step onto a plank when he stops to listen to you so you'll
be a little taller. 
 138.Never trust strangers to fix the hyperdrive on your freighter. 
 139.Never assume that that ship you just tractored into your space
station is empty, just because your sensors say so. 
 140.When the people around you are getting shot, it's usually an
indication that the guys shooting are bad guys. (take a look at the
reactions of the troopers in the
     cell bay in ANH) 
 141.Never try to rationalize strategy with an Ewok. Next thing you
know, they'll steal a speeder bike. Sure, it distracts the guards, but
it takes away from you
     sneaking in real quiet-like. 
 142.Never chain a rebel to you and then take your eyes off her; she
may throttle you. 
 143.Aim your crippled fighter at the nearest Super Star Destroyer's
bridge. 
 144.Never assume responsibility if it means you're likely to be
choked to death. 
 145.That green glop your aunt serves you at dinner is good for you
(ANH). 
 146.Don't talk to strangers in a dark room: they may have blasters,
and are looking to not be found (ESB). 
 147.Pray Lord Vader doesn't alter a deal any further than he already
has. Chances are he will, but arguing is a good way to get you killed.
 148.When your Tauntaun smells something, it's usually a good time to
high-tail it outta there. 
 149.Always convince your astromech droid to not try to restraining
green senior citizens with big ears; they may start banging on you
with their Gimer stick. 
 150.When someone says they knew your father was a great warrior, it
usually means something important. Take notice: they just gave you one
hell of a big hint
     about who they are. (sheesh, these farmboys today...) 
 151.Always allow your opponent to cut you down if it means making
things more dramatic. 
 152.When said guy gets cut down, try not to stand around screaming.
Try blasting something... like a door. 
 153.Don't turn your back on the parent of the kid you're zapping with
lightning bolts. 
 154.If the guy you love announces he's leaving, don't say something
like "That's right." 
 155.Make sure you aren't so fat you can't get away from an exploding
Sail Barge. 
 156.If your translator droid pisses you off, just plug him into the
hyperdrive. Either that or just shut him off. 
 157.Try not to fly side-by-side when flying through a narrow passage.
(ANH & ESB) 
 158.If you've got a malfunction you can't do much good to anyone, so
clear out of the attack on that giant space station. 
 159.When someone tells you to eject, it's probably a good idea. 
 160.Never try to blast a garbage compactor's walls---they are
magnetically sealed!!!!! 
 161.I'd just as soon kiss a Wookie!!! 
 162.Don't ever leave without giving a goodbye kiss!!!!! 
 163.Let go of your conscious self and rely on instinct!!!! 
 164.The target area is ONLY two meters wide!!!!! 
 165.If a Jedi offers you a bargain, TAKE IT!! 
 166.You shouldn't always listen to your parents. 
 167.Sometimes it is smart to listen to little green Muppets. 
 168.You really should fire on lifepods whether there are signs of
life or not (to stormtroopers only). 
 169.When a Hutt tells you that your Jedi mind tricks won't work,
believe him. 
 170.When you say that you are "ready for anything," actually be ready
for anything (like two guys trying to pick a fight). 
 171.If your ship is bigger than a city, don't bring it into an
asteroid field. 
 172.Don't give into your anger. 
 173.Grasping at your throat will not stop the choking. 
 174.Freezing people in liquid carbonite makes a good wall decoration.
 175.Never torture a power droid... 
 176.You should always have a co-pilot that speaks a language that
only you understand. 
 177.Don't taunt those on the Dark Side of the Force. 
 178.Sometimes it is better not to apologize or take the blame. 
 179.Make sure that you can see clearly before firing a blaster. 
 180.When pulled over by "the man", simply say, you don't need to see
his identification. These aren't the droids you're looking for. Move
along. It works
     everytime, I guarantee it!!! 
 181.If you ever build a throne room, NEVER put a great big shaft
leading to a big nuclear reactor right in the center of the room. 
 182.Never make your droids OR your sister do your dirty work!!! 
 183."A party of two can be very effective in chasing down a squad of
stormtroopers." 
 184.When you are told to close the blast doors, DON'T DO IT!" 
 185."Away put your weapon, I mean you no harm." 
 186.When rescuing someone formulate an escape plan _before_ you
attempt the rescue. 
 187.No reward is worth rescuing a girl, princess or not, who leads
you into garbage and calls your best friend and first mate a "walking
carpet". 
 188.If you have the money, stop telling Jabba and just pay him 
 189.Never accept a job that reports directly to Darth Vader 
 190.Armor just makes you easier to hit 
 191.Get in that chute, flyboy! 
 192.Buying someone a drink won't stop them from trying to fight you 
 193.Don't judge someone by their bad grammer 
 194.An entire planet could have only one climate (Tatooine, Hoth,
Endor) 
 195.Beware of tremors in the Force 
 196.Protocol droids are lousy story tellers 
 197.Apparently one human would be able to feed an entire tribe of
Ewoks 
 198.It's difficult to send a clear transmission in an asteroid field 
 199.When travelling at intense speeds, don't turn around and look
behind you 
 200.A lightsaber can cut through anything (from Taun-taun to AT-AT) 
 201.Even in a galaxy far, far away... Tupperware is still being used
(ANH) 
 202.Try not to get caught under the legs of an AT-AT 
 203.Imperial probe droids have a self destruct mechanism 
 204.If you do not believe, you will always fail 
 205.Tennis shoes make great fighting ships (RotJ) 
 206.Stormtroopers seem to have inferior training and armor 
 207.Everything has a weakness, it's just a matter of exploiting it 
          Emperor - overconfident 
          Luke - friends 
          Death Star - thermal exhaust port 
          Stormtroppers - Ewoks 
          Star Destoyers - bridge deflector shields 
          Darth Vader - compasion for his kids 
          Leia - smugglers 
          Chewie - dead animals hanging from trees 
          Threepio - frail body 
 208.When flying objects come at you from behind, for pete's sake,
DUCK!!!!!! 
 209.When stealing a skiff, MAKE SURE it's the one with the magnetic
thingies on the bottom!!! 
 210.If you are ever in a duel, and you get in a tight spot, grab the
nearest pipe and blow smoke in their face-----never fails. 
 211.Learn Ubese, you never know when you might need it!!!! 
 212.NEVER try to put binders on someone who is 7'2", big, furry and
has big teeth!!! 
 213.If you get an unwanted phone call, shoot the phone. 
 214.Never let Mr. GQ smooth borrow your vehicle, especially after he
says not a scratch. 
 215.If you build a death star and some farm boy blows it up, just
build a new one!!!!!!! 
 216.If you see a small blue elephant at a party, you haven't
necessarily drunk too much. 
 217.Watch out for stormtroopers that are a little short. 
 218.Your Tauntaun'll freeze before you reach the first marker. 
 219....But if so, then I'll see you in hell! 
 220.The middle of a raging battle for the fate of the galaxy is no
time for heroics. 
 221.A ill-trained, uncoordinated, rabble with obselete ships and
weapons (Rebels) would always beat well equipped, superbly trained and
numerically superior
     forces(Empire) :) 
 222.Boys from backwater farming planets are better shots then
imperial stormtroopers. 
 223.When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not. 
 224.Beware those heart-to-heart talks with Dad. One of you might end
up losing an appendage. 
 225.When sending troops out to a jungle world, MAKE SURE they are all
wearing black and white, so nobody can see them. 
 226.Adventure, excitement, a jedi craves not these things! 
 227.Try not to look to the future, keep your mind on where you are
and what you are doing. 
 228.Don't ever give any lip to an old man who has yellow eyes and
shoots lightning out of his own body. 
 229.Never say to someone, "where are you taking this---THING---?" b/c
the next thing you know, you're flying across the room. 
 230.Stay on target!!!! 
 231.Keep your distance, but don't LOOK like you're trying to keep
your distance. (In other words, fly casual.) 
 232.When purchasing a protocol droid, remember, at some point some
assembly may be required. 
 233.When based on an ice planet, don't turn on the thermal heaters. 
 234."Never travel the Jundland Wastes lightly" 
 235."Never listen to your squad commander when he tells you to 'stay
on target' and Darth vader is chasing you in a TIE fighter" 
 236."If you are a droid, be sure to have you deactivator put on your
front side, not behind your neck" 
 237."Always follow the advice of an aide with long sideburns" 
 238.Make sure your first catch of the day isn't backed up by a really
big ion cannon. 
 239.Don't be thinking about your sister during a big fight with Dad. 
 240.Make sure your rocket pack isn't set to go off at the slightest
touch before leaping into battle. 
 241.When you're with a woman you like, never get too obnoxious, or
she'll french the next nearest guy (even if it's her brother). 
 242.No matter how cool a guy's helmet looks, push him off a high
place and he'll scream like a girl. 
 243."Travel through hyperspace ain't like dusting crops." 
 244.Bury your feelings deep. (They do you credit, but they could be
made to serve the Emperor.) 
 245.Your insight serves you well. 
 246.Try to keep a little optimism--especially if you're endangering a
mission that you shouldn't have come on. 
 247.Just "hold on" when your pilot tells you to. (Dak didn't hold on.
Look what happened to him!) 
 248.Remember, your strength *flows* from the Force. 
 249.Once you start down the Dark Path, forever will it dominate your
destiny. 
 250.You can't escape your destiny 
 251.If you buy equipment out of the back of a guy's vehicle, chances
are, someone will come looking for it. 
 252.Cool costume + Bare minimum of screen time = Eternal popularity 
 253.The only thing worse than working for a Hutt crimelord is working
for a Dark Lord of the Sith. 
 254.When rescuing a princess, insist on payment in advance. 
 255.When chasing X-wings down trenches, look behind you in case their
friends help them. 
 256.When a Wookiee says he smells something scary, believe him. 
 257.Fly only ships that have harpoon cable shooters in the front
(ESB) 
 258.Be sure your ship uses "quick release" seat belts (ESB) 
 259.Fly only X-wings that float in case you land in a swamp (ESB) 
 260.Do your explaining BEFORE you remove the handcuffs off of a
Wookiee (ESB) 
 261.Fly your speeder bike ABOVE the trees in a forest (ROTJ) 
 262.Leave the spying to Bothans (ROTJ) 
 263.Old Jedi never die, they just fade away. 
 264.Never scream when a friend evaporates, and you're trying to
secretly take it back to a smugglers ship. 
 265.You must do what you feel is right. 
 266.Watch that crossfire, boys!!! 
 267.Always get them to put their hands ON the table . . . . 
 268.Go to the escape shuttle when told that "The attack plan has been
analysed, and there is a risk". 
 269.Smuggling compartments can also be great sub-lets 
 270.Do or do not... there is no try. 
 271.Patience... you must have Patience! 
 272.Don't question the ability of rocks and sticks to kill with 
 273.Nothing can happen without a Bothan spy dying 
 274.These ARE the droids you are looking for, you idiots! 
 275.If you ever fall into a murky swamp with strange things swimming
in it, make sure you're made of metal. 
 276.Sandpeople always ride single file to hide their numbers, and
they are rather inaccurate with blasters. 
 277.Remember to keep the lead actress's character and real name
straight!! 
 278.You must feel the Force flowing through you. Let go of your
feelings. 
 279.When attemptng to launch a rock by twirling it over your head,
then leasing it, be sure you know how to do it right (note to Wicket
in ROTJ). 
 280.Those robot mice are pests. Trap them in mousetraps and save
yourself the hassle. Bits and bytes make good bait. 
 281.Even if the Old Man does tell you to leave his throne room, it's
usually a good idea to stick around, out of sight: you never know when
someone will throw
     him down a large shaft. (note to Royal Guards) 
 282.Don't try storming an Imperial base unless all of the troopers
have been accounted for. 
 283.Don't argue with your friends when they tell you to get into an
escape pod. 
 284.Don't use targeting computers; rely on the voice of an old man
inside our head. 
 285.When fighting a Corellian, 10 to 1 odds aren't in your favour
(ANH). 
 286.When your protocol droid tries to tell you there is something
wrong with your YT-1300 freighter, listen to them. 
 287.If all else fails, drive headlong into an asteroid field. 
 288.When your shield generator is hit, intensify forward shields
a.s.a.p.: you never know when a ship may crash into your bridge. 
 289.Get on board the Executor if possible. Chances are Lord Vader
will choke your superior to death and give you the job. 
 290.A protocol droid who say's he's not much of a storyteller is a
liar. (remember C-3PO in ANH when he's in the oil bath, then in the
Ewok village in ROTJ) 
 291.Make sexually tilted lines whenever possible. "Look at the size
of that thing!" 
 292.Adjoinder: Cut the chatter, Red Two. 
 293.Humans roasted over an open fire make for great feasts. 
 294.When two real scary guys in a bar (who look like they fell out of
the ugly tree and hit EVERY branch on the way down) tell you they
don't like you,
     RUN!!!!!!! 
 295.Wampas blend in really, really well with snow. 
 296.You should always listen to a Jedi master when they tell you
something; they probably know what they are talking about. 
 297.Corollary to above--Even Jedi can make mistakes sometimes. 
 298.It is impossible for a computer to hit a target that is only two
meters wide. 
and finally the most important ones....we all wish we could have lived
"A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away." Never underestimate the
power of a Star Wars
fan...finally.... The Force is always with me 

EVERYTHING I'VE EVER LEARNED, I'VE LEARNED FROM STAR WARS
Bellissimo!
Io ho un libro che si intitola: "Everything I've ever learned, I've
learned from Star Trek." Ed e' serio! ;-)
Ciao
Nicola
[IT] Che lo Sforzo sia con te!

 [IT] Che lo Sforzo sia con te!
CRSSSHHHHHHHHH [rumore di sciacquone del cesso]
Michele