Newsgroup: it.arti.cinema
Titolo: NRR: Friday Humor (fwd)

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest.
They were looking
for people to submit quotes from their real-life
Dilbert-type managers.
Here are some of the submissions:
1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to
access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be
taken next Wednesday
and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.
(This was the winning entry; Fred Dales at Microsoft
Corporation in
  Redmond, WA)
2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems
we will
    encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)
3. How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing
our stuff?
    (Programming intern, Microsoft IIS Development
team)
4. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or
data. It should
   be used only for company business.
   (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat Company)
5. This project is so important, we can't let things
that are more
    important interfere with it.  (Advertising/Mktg.
Mgr., UPS)
6. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the
schedule.
    (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing
/3M Corp.)
7. My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a
25-page proposal that
    only needed corrections. She claims the disk I
gave her was damaged
    and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was
write-protected.
    (CIO of Dell Computers)
8. Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people
doing what 'I'
    say." (Mktg. executive, Citrix Corporation)
9. My sister passed away and her funeral was
scheduled for Monday.
    When I told my boss, he said she died so that I
would have to miss
    work on the busiest day of the year. He then
asked if we could
    change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would
be better for
    me."  (Shipping Executive, FTD Florists)
10. We know that communication is a problem, but the
company is not
    going to discuss it with the employees.
    (AT&T Long Lines Division)
11. We recently received a memo from senior
management saying,
    "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued
today regarding
    the subject mentioned above."  (Microsoft, Legal
Affairs Division)
12. One day my boss asked me to submit a status
report to him
    concerning a project I was working on. I asked
him if tomorrow
    would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it
tomorrow, I would
    have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!"
    (New Business Mgr., Hallmark Cards)
13. As director of communications, I was asked to
prepare a memo
    reviewing our company's training programs and
materials. In the
    body of the memo one of the sentences mentioned
the "pedagogical
    approach" used by one of the training manuals.
The day after I
    routed the memo to the executive committee, I was
called into the
    HR Director's office, and was told that the
executive VP wanted me
    out of the building by lunch.  When I asked why,
I was told that
    she wouldn't  stand for "perverts" (pedophiles?)
working in her
    company.  Finally he showed me her copy of the
memo, with her
    demand that I be fired, with the word
"pedagogical" circled in red.
    The HR Manager was fairly reasonable, and once he
looked the word
    up in his dictionary and made a copy of the
definition to send to
    my boss, he told me not to  worry.  He would take
care of it. Two
    days later a memo to the entire staff came out,
directing us that
    no words which could not be found in the local
Sunday newspaper
    could be used in company memos.  A month later, I
resigned. In
    accordance with company policy,  I created my
resignation letter
    by pasting words together from the Sunday paper.
    (Taco Bell Corporation)
14. This gem is the closing paragraph of a
nationally-circulated memo
    from a large communications company:
    "Lucent Technologies is determined to promote
constant attention on
    current procedures of transacting business
focusing emphasis on
    innovative ways to better, if not supercede, the
expectations of
    quality!"
15. No one will believe you solved this problem in
one day! We've been
    working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a
few weeks and I'll
    let you know when it's time to tell them.
    (R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing
/3M Corp.)

....
niente da dire: dilbert e' *verissimo*
in ufficio ho l'imbarazzo della scelta per 
le strisce da attaccare al cubicolo: vanno 
tutte bene per qualcosa che e' successo, 
succede, succedera'...
un mese fa e' arrivata una circolare in 
cui si comunica a tutti che ogni acquisto 
superiore alle 5000 lire deve essere 
autorizzato dalla direzione: e io che mi 
sono portata da casa una prolunga del 
telefono per fare una demo "importantissima", 
ne ho fatto un bellissimo areoplanino, 
appeso al muro come un memento.
ieri volevano mettere agli atti una 
mail di spamming pubblicitario, ho 
avuto la tentazione di lasciarglielo 
fare, tanto per immaginare la faccia 
che faranno gli archeologi futuri che troveranno 
il volume del protocollo fra le macerie...
hold on ffffffff
=================================
"Ho il morale a terra"
"Se vuoi puoi metterlo insieme 
al mio ego, in questa scatolina"