Newsgroup: it.cultura.religioni
Titolo: Th helsinki code.

Leggenda metropolitana, tuttavia divertente da leggere:   :-)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Helsinki_Code
bye G.L.

Intervista "fake" (c'e' un tal dunric su alt.folklore.computers, con
disappunto di qualche poster, che si sta divertendo a creare ad arte
questa "urban legend".
[PASTE]
Background:
To make the urban legend of "The Helsinki Code" sound more plausible,
I have created a mythology whereby Gustav Larsson is interviewed by
Helsinki Channel Four's Luten Gromire, host of the Finnish television
show "Beyond Tomorrow." The supposed date of this interview was
aired...
oh, let's see...June 23, 1983...that sounds about right.
Let's begin
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Luten Gromire: Welcome to 'Beyond Tomorrow'. I'm your host, Luten
Gromire.
Today we will be talking to a man by the name of Gustav Larsson. Gustav
is
a local computer programmer here in Helsinki, but he isn't known for
his
work in the burgeoning computing field. No, Gustav is known for
something
miraculous which took place in the early evening hours of November
12th,
1974. Now...(turning to Gustav)...Gustav...first, how the hell do you
spell your name?
Gustav Larsson: Gustav. G-U-S-T-A-V.
Luten: Alrighty...Gustav...can you explain to our audience, if you
will,
what exactly happened on the evening of November 12th, 1974? What were
you doing?
Gustav: Well, Luten, I had just finished smoking a joint after waiting
for the PDP to finish compiling a routine accounting program at the
University. And...
Luten: I'm sorry, but did you say, "smoked a joint"?
Gustav: (chuckles) Yes, Luten, I smoked a fucking joint. Good
programmers
get stoned daily. Anyway, I had just finished getting high when it hit
me...
What's the point of writing a really large program if...you know...it
doesn't
really work, and shit?
Luten: Right...
Gustav: ...(coughs)...You see, we used a derivative of the Fortran IV
compiler
on the PDP-8.
Luten: The PDP-8? What is that? Explain that to me...
Gustav: ...It's a minicomputer.
Luten: What...exactly...is "mini-computer"?
Gustav: It's inbetween a mainframe and a micro. It's...basically like a
Double Cheeseburger versus, say, a Big Mac, right?
Luten: Okay.
Gustav: So I was sitting at the PDP and I was REALLY FUCKING
BORED...Maybe it
was the pot...maybe it was me...I don't know, man...but I just needed a
release...
Luten: So what did you do?
Gustav: I wrote a 1 character program.
Luten: Say what? Did you say a "1 character program"?
Gustav: Yes...
Luten: (smiles) For the benefit of our listening audience, would you
care to
elaborate on that terminology?
Gustav: (adjusts jacket)...Yeah, sure...basically, it is a program with
a single
character in it.
Luten: That's it?
Gustav: Yeah...
Luten: I don't mean to sound rude, but...isn't that pointless?
Gustav: Sure it is...Sure it is...(laughs)...But I was high, man! What
the fuck
did you expect?
Luten: Alright...so you entered the 1 character program into the
machine. First of
all, how did you enter it? Did you use a keyboard?
Gustav: No...I used an...ASR-33 teletype.
Luten: And...okay...so that is what exactly?
Gustav: An Automatic Send and Receive Teletyper. Type 33.
Luten: Alright...and what exactly does...what does an ASR-33 do?
Gustav: It prints shit out.
Luten: Uhhh...huh. And what character made up this "1 character"
program
of yours?
Gustav: It was an AT (@) symbol.
Luten: An AT symbol? For the benefit of our audience, please
describe...for me...
what an AT symbol...is?
Gustav: (sighs) It's the letter "A" with a circle around it, except it
is...you
know...a swirly thing...
Luten: Huh? I'm sorry...did you say..."swirly thing"?
Gustav: Yeah, that's right...Look, man...It's essentially the letter
"A" with
a circle encircling it. Here...(takes a piece of paper)...let me draw
it for you...
Luten: (looks down at paper, then back at camera)...Alright...he's
drawing the
letter..."A"...and he's...putting a circle around it. (shows it to the
camera).
Here's what it looks like...the AT symbol, folks.
Gustav: (smiles) Alright...paint by numbers...whew!
Luten: (frowns) Right...so...erm...Please explain what happened after
you
entered the program in?
Gustav: I compiled it.
Luten: And...okay...explain the word "compile", please...
Gustav: (scratches chin)...Alright, well...the machine processed it
into a
faster version of itself.
Luten: I don't think I follow that...
Gustav: (laughs) I revved up the fucking engine, okay?
Luten: Right...okay...right. So you..."revved up the engine," so to
speak.
Okay...and...Gustav, what program did you use to "compile" your
program?
Gustav: Fortran.
Luten: ...And that is?...
Gustav: Fortran.
Luten: Okay...pretend I don't know what "fortran" is. What is it, then?
Gustav: A very slow, very obtuse programming language.
Luten: Like BASIC?
Gustav: Sort of...(smirks)
Luten: Alright...what version of Fortran did the PDP-8 use in those
days?
Again, pretend I've never heard the word "Fortran"...
Gustav: I used Fortran IV. It came out awhile ago. Late 60's, I
believe.
Luten: And...alright...so you compiled the program with Fortran IV...
(smiles, leaning closer) Did you think it would DO anything?
Gustav: No, man, no...I was...I was fucking stoned, man.
Luten: Right...so you've said...(chuckles) Alright, so you've compiled
the program and...then what?
Gustav: The PDP gave no errors, which surprised me...I mean, I thought
the fucking thing was broken, you know?
Luten: Right...Right...
Gustav: And so...I just sat there for a moment wondering who was
messing
with me...and...
Luten: I don't understand, Gustav...mess with you?
Gustav: Yeah, man...(laughs) People, in those days anyway, fucked
around
a lot with the time share and other shit. Pulled some pretty wacked out
shit...
Luten: Like what? Can you elaborate on that thought?
Gustav: Sure...Sure...Okay...(sighs) One day I walk into my office,
right?
And I clock in, and then go to my computer terminal. It's
this...really...
big...fucking monsterous thing in the middle of the room...this square
looking, pile of rotunda-looking Roman crap...I'll be honest...I
thought
it was made by fucking IBM... (laughs)
Luten: (laughs) Well, yeah...Big Blue... (chuckles)
Gustav: (chuckles) Anyway, I walk into the room and sit down at the
ASR-33
and begin batch processing some of my punch cards. Just a few stacks of
shit I've got...lined up...and shit...
Luten: Punch cards? Like with holes in them?
Gustav: Yeah...right...with square-looking holes in them...And so I
start feeding those damn cards into the machine and, wouldn't you know
it?
My damn boss, Archie, walks in on me...
Luten: Archie?
Gustav: "Archie" Glowski...Archie wasn't his first name...he looked
like
"Archie" from the fucking comic book, right?
Luten: Okay...
Gustav: So...So Archie walks in, right? And he's just puffing mad
and...
Luten: Puffing?
Gustav: Yeah...Puffing...(makes a face like a blowfish)
Luten: Alright...Go on...
Gustav: So he's...puffing...and he leans over me and asks what I'm
doing
with Card #8...which is pretty much the final card, right?
Luten: Okay...
Gustav: So I'm looking at the card...and then I look back at the
reader...
and then it...wow, it hits me hard! I realize I had read the wrong
fucking
card into the wrong fucking reader! I'm like...FUCK ME! You know?
Luten: Uh...huh...
Gustav: And the boss...Archie...he's fucking pissed, right? So he
like...
leans over and points to the reader, and...and he says...(makes
face),"You'd
better fix this or you'll be mopping the floors by sun down!"
Luten: Wow!
Gustav: Yeah, really...To go from the Helsinki computer lab to mopping
floors...that's a real downer, man...
Luten: I'll bet...
Gustav: So anyway...I learned from that point on...to let the machine
do
most of the work for me...you know...take out the middle man and
shit...
Luten: Makes perfect sense to me.
Gustav: Right...so anyway...as it turned out...my co-worker Steve
Alderman
had fucking re-arranged the cards on purpose as a prank...nearly cost
me
my fucking job, right?
Luten: Right...wow, that's terrible! Did he get fired?
Gustav: No...lucky bastard...I screwed his wife, though! (laughed)
Luten: Uh...huh...Okay...So tell me about what happened after you
compiled
this 1 character program...what happened next?
Gustav: (leans back in his chair)...I printed it out, man.
Luten: On the ASR?
Gustav: Yeah...exactly...10 lines a second...or was it 1? Shit, man, I
was
stoned out of my...FUCKING MIND...man!
Luten: O...Kay...
Gustav: So it finally prints out...about a page and a half...and...and
I'm
looking at this paper and wondering HOW THE FUCK a 1 character computer
program could...A...compile and...B...print out so much fucking
shit...you
know?
Luten: Yeah, that definitely...(smiles) goes against convention,
doesn't it?
Gustav: No fucking shit, sherlock! No fucking shit!
Luten: And then what happened? Did your boss see it?
Gustav: Fuck no, man! At least...not right away...I wasn't ABOUT to
show him
that shit! No...fucking...WAY...man!
Luten: What...okay...what did the paper say? Can you elaborate for our
audience what...what this paper actually said?
Gustav: (nods) Sure...it was a message from God.
Luten: Say again?
Gustav: God...It was a message from fucking God, man!
Luten: Uh....huh...a...a message from GOD?
Gustav: Yes.
Luten: Capital G-O-D? God?
Gustav: Yes.
Luten: (taken aback)...(laughs nervously)...
Gustav: I know...I know that it is...really heavy shit...
Luten: I'll say! Not many people talk to God!
Gustav: Right...I thought I was tripping something AWFUL, man!
Luten: Okay...ummm...what did it say? First of all, how did you
gather that it...that the printout...was from God?
Gustav: It said "Message From God"...
Luten: Could...alright...could "God" have been one of the programmers
messing around with you?
Gustav: Maybe...I mean...no...no fucking way, man! It was a 1-byte
computer program...no fucking way! You don't...you don't get a page and
a half of text out of a single fucking character, man! That's like...
fuck man...I don't know...
Luten: So...(chuckles)...what did it say, Gustav?
Gustav: At the top of the print out it simply said,"Message from God."
Luten: Alright...so...and what else did it say?
Gustav: (shakes head)...Something about the sanctuary and the cosmos...
Well, I wrote it down...
Luten: Do you have it with you?
Gustav: What?
Luten: The print out?
Gustav: No...no...my boss had me throw that shit out, man!
Luten: So...hmmm...so how do you remember exactly what it said? Could
you
have been mistaken? Perhaps...stoned?
Gustav: I was definitely fucking stoned, man...that I DO know for
certain!
Luten: And...how do you separate..."being stoned" from reality?
Gustav: The walls don't fucking glow, man!
Luten: (laughs) Right...okay...the walls...don't glow. Kids, don't take
drugs, okay?
Gustav: (laughs) Anyway, I made a photocopy of the printout...
Luten: You did? Well...let me see it, then!
Gustav: Well...(looks down)...I don't have that, either.
Luten: (stunned look) What...what happened to it?
Gustav: ...my dog...my dog ate it...
Luten: YOUR DOG ATE IT?????
Gustav: Yeah...poor Ralph...fuck man! You should never leave shit on
the
table for him to chew on!
Luten: So...you're basically telling me...that...your DOG ate your
homework?
Is that right, Gustav?
Gustav: Yeah...yup...that's basically correct. Yup.
Luten: Okay...so...Do you have ANYTHING you can show me...show
us...here today...
that backs up your story? That the message came from God?
Gustav: Yeah...(reaches into pocket)...I have this...
Luten: (takes small book from Gustav)...what's this?
Gustav: It's my journal, man...
Luten: Alright...and what's so special about your journal?
Gustav: Read it, man!
Luten: (chuckles, looking at audience) You haven't told me what page!
Gustav: 26. Page 26.
Luten: (turns to page 26 of the journal)...Oh my...
Gustav: I know my hand writing sucks and shit...oh well... (laughs)
Luten: (looking at journal) You should be a doctor, Gustav...
Gustav: (laughs) Yeah...that's what my girlfriend wants me to do. But
I'm
too fucking stoned to cut into anyone's stomach...I can't even operate
on
myself, man!
Luten: (not paying attention) Let me...let me read some of this
to...our
audience...if you will. If that's okay with you, Gustav?
Gustav: Sure...go ahead, man...read the fucking thing.
Luten: (reading from journal) "...[M]y presence in your world is
unalterable for I am the sanctuary of both the cosmos...and the
one soul inside you. I could awaken each of you in this very
moment...to [my] unity, but there is a larger design - a more
comprehensive vision - that places you in the boundaries...of
time and the spatial dimensions of separateness...[T]he design
requires a progression...into my wholeness that reacquaints you
with...[my] unity...through the experience of separation...Your
awakening, while slow and sometimes painful, is...assured,
and this you must trust...above all else...Page 26...dated...
February 10, 1975..."
Gustav: That's all of it, man!
Luten: That's...that's really quite fascinating, Gustav! Really...it
is!
Gustav: Thank you...but it wasn't me, man!
Luten: Of course not...of course not...Okay, so...These are God's
words, yes?
Gustav: Yeah...fucking G-O-D, man...fucking G-O-D.
Luten: Uh...huh...and...what exactly is the "one soul inside you"?
Gustav: (shrugs) Fuck, man...I don't know...me, I guess...
Luten: Right...okay...and...(looks at journal) Is this ALL the print
out
said? Is there...more to it, perhaps?
Gustav: Nope...that's the gist of it, anyway...
Luten: Huh...This sounds very, very deep...like something Jesus might
say...only...(laughs) some of these words are so big, so verbose, that
I can't even pronounce them!
Gustav: Right...you're telling me, man! The first time I read them, I
had
to fucking blink my eyes, man! I was...so...fucking...wasted, man!
Luten: (chuckles) Of course...of course...(looks at audience)
Well...ladies
and gentleman, you've heard the testimony of Gustav and you've heard
excerpts
from his journal...so I pose the question to you...What do YOU believe
happened on...November 12th, 1974? Is this...truly...'Beyond Tomorrow'?
Can
computers...REALLY...communicate messages from God? (smiles) That's all
we
have for this week! (waves at Gustav) Thank you, Gustav! Thank you
ladies
and gentleman! Tune in next week when we explore the intricate world of
Dolphins, and how scientists are learning to speak...Dolphinese!
(smiles)
(cheering, clapping)
(fade to black)
Paul