Newsgroup: it.discussioni.folli
Titolo: Motore a gatto imburrato

Io, come tanti altri idfers, vorremmo che il documento
scritto dal Dott. Keroppi venga cancellato dal sito perchè
appartenente al rispettivo proprietario. Si accetta un 
punto di incontro per giungere ad un compromesso.
Il nostro punto è il seguente: deve aggiungere che
il documento prelevato è stato preso da it.discussioni.folli
ed è stato realizzato dal Dott. Keroppi.
Grazie.
La direzione di IDF
-- 
Posted from  [213.140.27.2] 
via Mailgate.ORG Server - 
http://www.Mailgate.ORG

ed è stato realizzato dal Dott. Keroppi.
Ok, ma chi ci assicura che il Dott. Keroppi non lo abbia a sua volta
copiato senza menzionare il legittimo proprietario?
E che egli (il legittimo proprietario) non lo abbia a sua volta
copiato ecc ecc?
--
HowTy

"HowTired" 



Si può anche pensare che il motore a gatto imburrato sia
una leggenda appartenente al mondo di Atlantide, governato
da essere supeiori. Mi fa dubitare però l'impiego del burro.
Forse era vegetale ?


copiato ecc ecc?
Matrioske del cazzo
Leningrad Cowboy
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Il tuo livello è così basso che la mia placidità ti
sembra frutto della fatica che ti costerebbe eguagliarla.
Mentre sto usando una quantità ridicola di energia
e basta già a darti l'impressione di essere nella merda.
(Randy il contorsionista)

 ed è stato realizzato dal Dott. Keroppi.
propongo che il gatto, il burro e Keroppi siano lasciati al sole a tempo
indeterminato: chi si squalgia per ultimo, era il leggittimo proprietario..
Antinoo
uso Salomone

ed è stato realizzato dal Dott. Keroppi.
La natura del motore a gatto imburrato e' stata discussa estesamente
sul web (vedi documentazione riprodotta alla fine di questo post) fino
ad essere inclusa tra le leggi di Murphy (vedi The Complete Edition of
Murphy's Law,
http://www.tik.ee.ethz.ch/~lubich/jokes/murphy.html
)
Ma dove trae origine esattamente il leggendario motore?
E' giunto il momento di sfatare alcune leggende.
------------
L'ORIGINE DEL MOTORE A GATTO IMBURRATO
by keroppi
Contrariamente alla maggior parte delle invenzioni, che nascono da un
processo induttivo fatto di tentativi e sperimentazioni, il motore a
gatto imburrato e' il frutto di un elementare ragionamento deduttivo a
partire da due ben note leggi di Murphy:
1)Bernstein's First Law 
"Buttered bread tends to fall with the buttered side down"
2)Law of Selective Gravity (the Buttered Side Down Law) 
An object will fall so as to do the most damage. 
Klipstein's Corollary  - The most delicate component will be the one
to drop. 
Jenning's Corollary -  The chance of the bread falling with the
buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
Come si vede immmediatamente, dalla legge di Bernstein e dalla Legge
della Gravita' Selettiva (detta occasionalmente anche legge dell'Anti-
Gravita') segue per semplice deduzione logica il principio del
funzinamento del motore.
L'esatta calibrazione dei componenti del motore e' governata dai
corollari di Klipstein e Jennings.
Poiche', una volta date le leggi di Bernstein e quella della Gravita'
Selettiva, il motore a gatto imburrato e' deducibile da CHIUNQUE
sia dotato della facolta' della ragione,  (ed infatti e' stato dedotto
indipendentemente e contemporaneamente da piu' individui una volta
rese note le leggi suddette), ne' io ne' La Forgia ne' nessun altro
idfer puo' pretendere credibilmente di esserne l'artefice, ne' se ne
assume la paternita' (si noti che sul sito di idf la dicitura esatta
riguardo al post del motore a gatto imburrato recita: " *raccolto* da
keroppi", e non "di keroppi", o di qualche altro idfer).
Ora, e' plausibile che l'inconscio collettivo e primigenio di IDF
abbia giocato una ruolo determinante nell'ideazione del motore a gatto
imburrato, ma comunque stiano le cose, l'idea del motore, e l'energia
perpetua che da esso ne derivia, oramai appartengono all'intero genere
umano.
SIC TRANSIT,
hasunoue kero kero keroppi
---------
ADDENDA
Ecco alcuni documenti raccolti dal web a titolo di esempio a proposito
del dibattito sull'origine del motore:
"Buttered Toast and Cats"
(from 
http://www.utc.edu/physics/physicshum1.html
)
Q. This question was posed to the Usenet Oracle: If you drop a
buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side down.
If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it
will land on it's feet. But what if you attach a buttered piece of
bread, butter-side up to a cat's back and toss them both out the
window? Will the cat land on it's feet? Or will the butter splat on
the ground? -Mike 
A. And in response, thus spake the Oracle: Even if you are too lazy to
do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious
result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the
ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that
the cat can not smash it's furry back. If the combined construct were
to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore
it simply does not fall. 
That's right you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get),
you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will,
when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of
cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium
point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing
lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent. 
Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this
principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The
loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring
of several hundred tabbies. The one obvious danger is, of course, if
the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly
plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually
doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their graceful
landing several tons of red-hot starship and pissed off aliens crash
on top of them. 
And now a few words on solving the problem of creating a ship using
the aforementioned anti-gravity device. One could power a ship by
means of cats held in suspended animation (say, about -190 degrees
Celsius) with buttered bread strapped to their backs, thus avoiding
the possibility of collisions due to tempermental felines. More
importantly, how do you steer, once the cats are all held in stasis? 
I offer a modest proposal: We all know that wearing a white shirt at
an Italian restaurant is a guaranteed way to take a trip to the
laudromat. Plaster the outside of your ship with white shirts. Place
four nozzles symmetrically around the ship, which is, of course,
saucer shaped. Fire tomato sauce out in proportion to the directions
you want to go. The ship, drawn by the shirts, will automatically
follow the sauce. 
If you use t-shirts, you won't go as fast as you would by using, say,
expensive dress shirts. This does not work as well in deep gravity
wells, since the tomato sauce (now falling down a black hole, perhaps)
will drag the ship with it, despite the counter force of the
anti-gravity cat/butter machine. Your only hope at that point is to
jettison enormous quantities of Tide. This will create the well-known
Gravitational Tidal Force. 
----------------
"The Cat Engine"
(From: 
http://www.nor.com.au/users/nicky/feedback.htm
) 
Over the past years there has been great concern over the future
transportation in our modern society since fossil fuels are due to run
out within the next few years. Luckily, the fred® energy research
engineers have been working on a new power source for years now. It
has finally been perfected and the final prototypes have been
perfected. It is ready to be mass manufactured through fred
enterprises. How the hell does it work ? Does it cost much to run ?
Interested ? Read on... 
History of the cat engine and all that... 
Back in the early 1980s some physics students at fred® university
proved some of Sir Isaac Newton's previously unpublished, unproven
theories. Firstly they proved the fact that buttered bread or toast
will always land buttered side down, through extensive buttering and
dropping. Secondly, in similar experiments, it was also proved that
cats will always land on their feet. Using this theory, the first
experimental cat engine was devised...
The group took a large gamble and presumed that the reverse of the
laws was true, and stapled a piece of well buttered bread to the feet
of a common tabby cat. The results were amazing. Because the buttered
bread and the cat's back could not touch the ground, the "cat and
bread" model exhibited an amazing phenomenon. It hovered about 80
centimeters from the ground.
While an amazing breakthrough,there were problems with the initial
design of the cat engine. It exhibited a gross unstableness, later
established to be due to the much larger force caused by the cat, as
compared to the bread.
A year later after the team had funding problems from the skeptical
university administrators, the commercial appeal was seen by fred
enterprises® and a new, more successful tri-cat model was created.
This model was quickly thrown together, without adequate precautions.
The mathematics or outside circumstances were never considered. They
mistakenly used one Siamese cat and two tabbies, which unbalanced the
engine, and caused it to become out of control, and killed one of our
leading scientists. After this a new branch of mathematics was created
- catrification.
A new branch of Maths.
Catrification is the study of the forces that cats produce. Note: due
to technical reasons, it also applies to bread and butter. Firstly we
have taken the standard to be an average size Siamese cat, which has a
rating of 10 zerts. A zert is the rating of the "catliness" of a cat
per cubic centimeter. Our example cat on its own has a force projected
from it's back capable of supporting it self one meter above the
ground, a distance of which is halved for every hundred kilograms of
mass. More than one cat can have a synergetic effect namely that x
amount of cats will produce x2 times the force of one cat. e.g. 2 cats
are capable of supporting themselves 4 meters above the ground, an
amount halved for every hundred kilograms of mass. note: you will
realize that the force a cat projects from it's back at 0 meters above
the ground is infinite. This may have certain catastrophic
implications for war technology. Also this force is only projected
when the cat's back is facing downward.
From this technology, the "tri-cat" cat engine was created. This
involves 3 cats joined at the feet at equal spacing. 4 of these placed
roughly in the same positions of wheels on the car causes easily
enough power to lift the car a height of 3.6cm. Using special
cat-force maximizing drives created by the Fred® Research team, this
height was increased to 50cm. The car still had one slight problem -
it didn't go anywhere. 
Creating horizontal movement...
In the absence of the fiscal resources to develop cat engine friendly
roads, more traditional motion power had to be utilized. A large hover
craft-like fan was attached to the rear of the vehicle, powered by a
small internal combustion engine. Because of the lack of friction with
the road, and the very small wind resistance, the cat powered car
could go at very high speed using very little fuel...
And so what now ?
Our next objective is to create an entirely cat powered vehicle,
completely eliminating the need for fossil fuels. There have also been
theories on whether the cat's force goes down when it dies. If so,
there may be a need for "cat stations" to replace the dead cats.... 
The technology from the cat engine has also been licensed to two of
the worlds largest car manufacturers - General Motors and the Ford
motor company. GM are a little behind in the race to have the first
cat powered car, after ford released "The ford Feline"
So keep tuned for more updates to these most amazing scientific
discoveries!
-----------
"CAT POWER"
(from 
http://www.dangpow.com/~godjirra/catpower.htm
)
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is
dropped, it always lands buttered side down. It was proposed to strap
giant slabs of hot buttered toast to the back of a hundred tethered
cats; the two opposing forces will cause the cats to hover, spinning
inches above the ground. Using the giant buttered toast/cat array, a
high speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago. Folks
always get this wrong. If you strap buttered toast on a cat's back, it
will land on its feet, since that is its nature. This does not create
a buttered cat array. You must strap tiny chunks of buttered toast to
the cats' PAWS, butter side down. Then you can get the array to work.
However, all your cats must face in the same direction as they hover,
to avoid the possibility of one cat licking the butter off another
cat's toast, creating a hole in the energy field.
So there. (CHRISTINA)
 
I'm afraid your feline physics is a bit off. Since both the buttered
side of the toast _and_ the cats' paws have an affinity for the
ground, they must face in opposite directions if levitation is to be
attained. It is possible, however, to modify your scheme such that
the miniature buttered toasts are attached to the cats' paws
butter-side up. But this relies on the untested theory that the both
the unbuttered side of the toast and the dorsal side of the cat repel
the ground. One advantage we don't need to speculate on: it will be
more difficult for adjacent cats in the array to lick the now
concealed butter on the miniature toasts. Looking forward to seeing
your results. (BRUCE)
 
I'm afraid that Mr. Burdick is encroaching on my own research and has
drawn the same conclusions however, he seems to have neglected the
very simple yet obvious problem of the cats furiously waving their
paws around in an attempt to remove the miniature buttered toasts. Any
fool knows that maintaining a tight bond between paw and toast is
currently an insurmountable obstacle in this ongoing research. This is
why I have developed an alternate theory wherein the cats are strapped
onto a large, single slice of Texas toast, thereby circumventing the
problem of frantically waving paws which might degrade the performance
of the perpetual motion engine. (PAT)
Mr. Sandberg wishes to amend his statement to the following: all one
hundred cats are not strapped to one piece of toast.
Rather, each cat is strapped to his own large toast slice, thereby
eliminating the *get this the hell off my paw* factor. I wish to
assert my disagreement with the choice of Texas  toast, since in my
experience it comes laden with cheese and other
condiments which could obscure the butter, therefore causing a
disturbing flux in the energy field. (CHRISTINA)
 
Actually, I'll let you in on a little secret. My staff is, as I type,
assembling a very large semi-toroidal cat/giant-buttered-bagel matrix.
This VLSTCGBBM operates on principles I'm afraid which I'm
unauthorized to divulge. But I can tell you this: if you'll take a
moment to imagine four of these connected to the vertices of a
tetrahedron (still on the drawing board), such that their rotational
axes intersect at the geometrical center, where there is room for an
occupant, I believe the possibilities will be quite obvious. (BRUCE)
Fellow researchers, Clearly such a device is only practical in a clean
room. In the real world, where small bits of string, dust bunnies,
insects, and other such distractions freely roam, random brownian cat
motion (RBCM) would cause structural vibrations sufficient to cause
spontaneous disassembly of the apparatus. It has been exhibited in
previous *secret* experiments with small mounts of catnip that,
contrary to what intuition might suggest, even a very small number of
kittens can produce sufficient RBMC to fracture the most
stress-resistant materials known to man. It is well known in the
scientific community that cat-and-butter experiments must nowadays be
conducted with the greatest discretion. The need for this
discretion has been traced back to animal rights rioting that
destroyed several labs in the wake of a series of articles published
in _Nature_ in late 1987. These articles detailed the "Great Cat
Massacre of 1986" following the accidental substitution of 
"I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" in several key experiments, the
results of which are too unsettling to be discussed here. (STEFAN)
---
keroppi
www.geocities.com/rosacrux