Newsgroup: it.sport.americani
Titolo: [NFL] - L'All-resented team di ESPN

Come tutti gli anni l'ESPN ha compilato la sua personalissima squadra
con i migliori giocatori, ma nel caso specifico migliore non significa
"piu' bravo degli altri" ma "piu' odiato degli altri".
Eccovi le selezioni (perdonate la solita pigrizia, ma non avevo
proprio voglia di tradurlo tutto ;))  ).
Ah... come potete vedere anche ben due Ispers si sono guadagnati la
nominations, Romo e Randy Moss :)))
Ciao
Massimo
The 2001 NFL All-Resented Team
By Ralph Wiley 
You know 'em, you hate 'em. It's the 2001 NFL All-Resented Team: 
COACH: BRIAN BILLICK, RAVENS
The Emperor, The Mentor, The Man Too Big To Say He Told You So ... But
He Told You So. The offensive genius who won the Super Bowl with D ...
HIS D, OK? The man who painted "The Resurrection of Elvis," then
chewed off ears. Not his. Ours. The man who said on HBO, "Mr. DeMille?
I'm ready for my close-up now." 
WR: RANDY MOSS, VIKINGS
Bad, bad, bad, bad boy. Moonwalked into the end zone. Moonwalking got
Michael Jackson diplomatic immunity and the title "King of Pop." It
got Randy fined and the title "King of Pop-Off." Randy Moss catches
80-odd balls for 1,500 yards and 12-13 TDs, and takes your breath away
doing it -- and for this, he's Osama bin Randy. Says he plays hard
when he wants to, turns it on when he needs to. For an $18 mil signing
bonus, he should play hard on every play, including defensive plays!
He should be running wind sprints on the sideline when the other
offense snaps the ball! God, it's fun piling on, ain't it? 
WR: KEYSHAWN JOHNSON, BUCS
Wolfgang Buc. Resented for having a restaurant, and ... oh, yeah ...
for having a mouth like a pneumatic drill. Even some TV football
commentators want him disappeared. We don't know why. Without the
Keyshawns of the world, TV football commentators would be out to
pasture, trying to scrape field oysters off their boots with hickory
sticks. 
WR: TERRELL OWENS, 49ERS
Even Otis Redding would call him Mr. Pitiful. Resented for every
pouting tantrum or shameless grab for attention at the Cowboys' star.
But these are cries for help. And 49ers coach Steve Mariucci would
like to help him. He'd like to help him pack for Cleveland. People who
score 18 TDs in a year don't grow on trees -- although they sometimes
act like they did. 
WR: TERRY GLENN, COUCH POTATO, PATRIOTS
The "She" of Bill Parcells/Miss Cleo fame, Glenn is resented all over
New England for having "Donna" tattooed one on arm, and "Prima" on the
other. 
WR: DAVID BOSTON, CARDINALS, GOLD'S GYM
Also known as The King of Swole. Resented by Rick Moranis, Tim Allen
and 98-pound weaklings everywhere. Also, David Boston doesn't realize,
he'll never get invited to Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch with his
arms looking like that! 
TE: SHANNON SHARPE, RAVENS
Resentment magnet. Resented by Takeo Spikes for comparing him to a bad
movie 
REST OF OL: THE DENVER BRONCOS
Official O-line of the American Society of Orthopedic Surgeons.
Resented by chop-block victims from Bryan Cox to whoever's next in the
OR. 
RT: KYLE TURLEY, SAINTS
Resented by certain helmetless New York Jets for going appropriately
apes--- on them. Loved by Coach Jim "Trog" Haslett & QB Aaron "Rubber
Band" Brooks. 
QB: RYAN LEAF, COWBOYS
Resented by ex-Chargers GM Bobby Beathard, who took a chance on him
and drafted him even though Woodson was sitting there all available
and everything. Leaf repaid Beathard by being insufferable as well as
uncoachable. 
FB: JOHN RITCHIE, RAIDERS
Resented by the Jimi Hendrix estate for saying he'll go to Hendrix's
grave and eat the grass off of it, the better to ingest immortal
inspiration. Not resented by the makers of Prilosec, or the American
Psychiatric Association. 
RB: MIKE ALSTOTT AND WARRICK DUNN, BUCS
Resented by the Tampa Bay fans for fumbling in Alstott's case, not
hitting up in there in Dunn's. Truth is, they're both specialty backs,
Betwixt and Between. Alstott -- size and nifty feet but no burst and
tends to drop it; Dunn -- shifty, good feet, a burst, good hands, but
Bucs DL Warren Sapp doesn't call him "Little People" for nothing. 
KR: EDDIE KENISON, BRONCOS, ANGST, CHIEFS
NFL's only conscientious objector. Resented by ex-teammates on Broncos
and football hawks, who ask, in a Slim Pickens-in-"Dr. Strangelove"
voice, "If he ain't a-willing to die, then what's he a-living for?! 
DE: DARRELL RUSSELL, RAIDERS
He's Ecstatic. But the Raiders run D isn't. Resented by Raidermania in
the Black Hole for ruining their Christmas with his pending
suspension. Not resented by the Bus, Jerome Bettis, who might face the
Raiders in the playoffs. 
DT: WARREN SAPP, BUCS
Resented by Pittsburgh DB Lee Flowers. "Paper champion" label won't go
away. Not resented by sideline cameras and reporters. Sapp gives great
reaction shots. 
LB: RAY LEWIS, RAVENS
Resented by 40 other players in the league who think they are -- or at
least know -- a better LB. 
LB: BILL ROMANOWSKI, BRONCOS
Resented by J.J. Stokes and anyone else he ever spit on. Resented by
cheap-shot artists from all walks of life. Romo tends to give them all
a bad name. 
LB: LAVAR ARRINGTON, REDSKINS
Resented by refs, who have their hands on their little yellow penalty
hankies as soon as LaVar, also known as Wolverine, takes the field.
Refs keep their hands on their flags the whole game, the way Gene
Hackman (as Little Bill) kept his hand on his gun at all times in
"Unforgiven." 
CB: JASON SEHORN, GIANTS
Resented by Cris Carter, and that's pretty much it . But in Sehorn's
mind, he is resented by the gremlins who edit ESPN's SportsCenter
highlights and focus on his occasional misstep in coverage. To Jason,
he is resented by belt-manufacturers. He's resented by all the
soap-opera actors who ever dated or even wanted to date his wife; he's
resented by the Giants' GM Ernie Accorsi who doesn't realize how hard
it is, being a cover corner, while not smudging your makeup. He's
resented by Tom Cruise, because Jason knows he looks better and moves
better. We don't even want to talk about "All the Right Moves," do we?
CB: DRÉ BLY, RAMS
Dré is resented by some fans as the second coming of Deion Sanders.
Deion could get away with some showbiz because athletically he was not
like you and me, and he was not like Dré and Sehorn, or anybody else.
So the hand to the side of the helmet when scoring, the drum-major
kickout, the heel-and-toe "Too Legit to Quit" end zone dancing thing
.. Dré ... it ain't Hammer Time no more. Deion is down with Bishop
T.D. Jakes now. So unless you're willing to tithe, freeze the
faux-Deion. Be you. That should be plenty to cause resentment, on your
own! 
S: RODNEY HARRISON, CHARGERS
Resented by offensive players throughout the league for stoning all
their plays in a most bestial way, then offering running commentary
about it. 
K: THE GRAMATICAS, CARDINALS, BUCS
Resented by just about everybody for jumping around after basic ho-hum
field goals. When you are cannon fodder for Jimmy Kimmel, you're on
your way to the Resentment Hall of Shame. When Kornheiser and Wilbon
both say they're glad you got hurt -- where is there to turn then for
understanding? (See American Society of Orthopedic Surgeons.) Here's a
suggestion: Keeck the touchdown, get off the field, don't ask anybody
why do they think they call it foot-ball. 
TALK-SHOW HOST: JAY LENO, "TONIGHT SHOW"
Resented by Johnnie Morton for making the Detroit Lions the butt of
easy-to-write jokes for a solid month. Johnnie said Jay could "Kiss my
ass!" after the Lions won their first game. Jay, not being one to miss
any pub opportunity, brought Johnnie on the air and, to get revenge,
showed Johnnie's film clip from his appearance in "Jerry Maguire."
Freeze it! That's Johnnie right there -- there, can't you see him? Tom
Cruise just walked past a potted palm and ... right there! See? Oh,
forget it. Jay is also resented by Jason Sehorn, who can't believe Jay
invited Johnnie, just because Sehorn got burned a couple times, and
Johnnie went to USC, too. 
AGENT: SCOTT BORAS, MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE
Leigh Steinberg resents Boras, baseball agent du jour, pondering
moving into football. People say the contracts aren't guaranteed in
football, there's a salary cap, Boras doesn't know what he's getting
into. No? Agents take their cut of the full contract right off the
top. Why do you think signing bonuses are so high? Boras says he takes
5 percent off the top -- not counting advances, interest on advances,
administrative costs, fees for accounting services, fees for "personal
services" -- get the drift? So what is 5-10 percent of, oh, say,
Resented Randy Moss' $75 mil contract? Isn't that $3.75 mil, minimum,
and as much as $7 mil out of that $18 mil signing bonus, which is also
taxed at a 40 percent rate? No wonder Randy plays half the time. He
got half the money! Somehow, "Show me half the money! Show me some
money, at least!" doesn't have the same ring to it, does it? 
HALL OF FAMER: O.J. SIMPSON
He's Ecstatic. You're not. 
OWNER: JERRY JONES, COWBOYS
The Divine Mr. J; hey, a little bit 'o plastic surgery, a nip-&-tuck
here or there, never hurt anybody. Might have made them look
ridiculous, but didn't hurt them. Jerry Jones is sure not resented by
the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (if you'll notice, surgeons
make out pretty well in the NFL), but he is resented by Jimmy Johnson.
And they went to college together, won two Super Bowls together. If
they can wind up resenting each other, there's hope for everybody in
the league. 
FAN HANGOUT: OAKLAND COLISEUM BLACK HOLE
Resented by drunken stadium fans everywhere else, just on style. The
Black Hole makes Cleveland's Dawg Pound look like a bus station full
of drunk, spavined, bovine, rag-armed,
shop-at-the-Salvation-Army-store sore losers. We all know by now that
nobody craps on Cleveland and gets away with it -- except NFL refs,
Art Modell, Sam Sheppard, F. Lee Bailey, John Elway, Jordan over Ehlo
... 
Well, anyway, the Anne Rice/Kiss-inspired costume design for the Black
Hole is the fully resented envy of NFL teams and fans everywhere.
Black is now included in nearly every team's color scheme. The Black
Hole costume design is Oscar-caliber, imitated from New Orleans to the
Meadowlands. As we know, resentment is the sincerest form of
imitation. Or something like that. 


Ovviamente le pressioni dell'avvocato Catrame si sono fatte sentire, che non
si dica che qualche isper non venga nominato!!!!
ROMO

 Wolfgang Buc. Resented for having a restaurant,
Questa la capiscono in due mi sa...
Ciao
Luca

 Questa la capiscono in due mi sa...
il menzionato Wolfgang Buc è un noto ristoratore con una catena di locali di
cui uno di mia personale conoscenza nel Mandalay Bay Hotel di Vegas. Ci si
mangia una pseudo cucina italiana un po' nouvelle.
Carlo

 mangia una pseudo cucina italiana un po' nouvelle.
Grazie, lo so... a dire il vero comunque si chiama Wolfgang Puck, ed è una
specie di Gualtiero Marchesi americano (anche se ha origini tedesche). Qui è
evidente il gioco di parole tra 'Puck' e 'Bucs'... ma non è che qui il
suddetto Puck sia molto famoso... ;-))
Ciao
Luca

 suddetto Puck sia molto famoso... ;-))
Non so se si deve offendere Marchesi o Puck per il confronto. E poi, per me
Puck lo conoscono solo i parenti e quelli che si ritrovano un coupon
gratuito in qualche hotel. Uno che fa nuovelle cousine mi lascia sempre
sospettoso...
Carlo