A method comprising: (a) downloading a self-contained executable to data storage of a client computer; wherein the self-contained executable comprises at least: (i) a software update patch for updating pre-existing software on the client computer; (ii) an updater package associated with the software update patch, wherein the updater package includes at least one predetermined required computer state condition; and (iii) a package processing engine; (b) executing, via a processor of the client computer, the self-contained executable, wherein the executing comprises: (i) activating the package processing engine; (ii) reading, via the package processing engine, the at least one predetermined required computer state condition of the updater package; (iii) investigating, in response to the reading, a state of the client computer; and (iv) determining, based at least on the investigating step, whether the state of the client computer matches the at least one predetermined required computer state condition of the updater package; (c) in response to the executing step (b), completing via the processor of the client computer, a predetermined action wherein: (i) when the state of the client computer matches the at least one predetermined required computer state condition, the completing comprises installing the software update patch on the client computer; (ii) when the state of the client computer does not match the predetermined required computer state condition, the completing comprises completing a predetermined step selected from the group consisting of: terminating the completing step; and forcing the client computer into a state that matches the predetermined required computer state condition of the updater package, and installing the software update patch on the client computer. (a) downloading a self-contained executable to data storage of a client computer; wherein the self-contained executable comprises at least: (i) a software update patch for updating pre-existing software on the client computer; (ii) an updater package associated with the software update patch, wherein the updater package includes at least one predetermined required computer state condition; and (iii) a package processing engine; (i) a software update patch for updating pre-existing software on the client computer; (ii) an updater package associated with the software update patch, wherein the updater package includes at least one predetermined required computer state condition; and (iii) a package processing engine; (b) executing, via a processor of the client computer, the self-contained executable, wherein the executing comprises: (i) activating the package processing engine; (ii) reading, via the package processing engine, the at least one predetermined required computer state condition of the updater package; (iii) investigating, in response to the reading, a state of the client computer; and (iv) determining, based at least on the investigating step, whether the state of the client computer matches the at least one predetermined required computer state condition of the updater package; (i) activating the package processing engine; (ii) reading, via the package processing engine, the at least one predetermined required computer state condition of the updater package; (iii) investigating, in response to the reading, a state of the client computer; and (iv) determining, based at least on the investigating step, whether the state of the client computer matches the at least one predetermined required computer state condition of the updater package; (c) in response to the executing step (b), completing via the processor of the client computer, a predetermined action wherein: (i) when the state of the client computer matches the at least one predetermined required computer state condition, the completing comprises installing the software update patch on the client computer; (ii) when the state of the client computer does not match the predetermined required computer state condition, the completing comprises completing a predetermined step selected from the group consisting of: terminating the completing step; and forcing the client computer into a state that matches the predetermined required computer state condition of the updater package, and installing the software update patch on the client computer. (i) when the state of the client computer matches the at least one predetermined required computer state condition, the completing comprises installing the software update patch on the client computer; (ii) when the state of the client computer does not match the predetermined required computer state condition, the completing comprises completing a predetermined step selected from the group consisting of: terminating the completing step; and forcing the client computer into a state that matches the predetermined required computer state condition of the updater package, and installing the software update patch on the client computer. terminating the completing step; and forcing the client computer into a state that matches the predetermined required computer state condition of the updater package, and installing the software update patch on the client computer.