A coated polymer film comprising: a) a polymer substrate including a first side and a second side; b) a back-side coating on the second side of the substrate, the back-side coating comprising: 1) an ionomer comprising from 50 wt% to 98 wt% of one or more carbonyl-free monomers selected from a group consisting of styrene, methyl styrene isomers, halogenated styrene isomers, vinyl chloride, vinylidene chloride, butadiene, acrylonitrile, methacrylonitrile, ethylene, propylene, and butylene isomers; and from 50 wt% to 2 wt% of one or more of a group consisting of acrylic acid, methacrylic acid, crotonic acid, maleic acid, and itaconic acid; and 2) particles of a water-resistant colloidal mineral, wherein a water-resistant mineral is one that, after it has been applied as a component of a coating composition to a substrate and dried, will not readily reionize in the presence of water, wherein a majority by weight of the particles have a three-dimensional mean diameter of not greater than 0.1 micrometers (0.1 micron), and wherein a majority by weight of the particles have no mean diameter in any dimension of an x-y-z Cartesian coordinate system of less than 0.0005 micrometers (0.0005 micron), wherein a general shape of each of the particles is spherical or cubic, and wherein the particles comprise from 25 wt% to 55 wt% of the back-side coating when dried; and c) a front-side coating on the first side of the substrate, wherein the front-side coating is printable. a) a polymer substrate including a first side and a second side; b) a back-side coating on the second side of the substrate, the back-side coating comprising: 1) an ionomer comprising from 50 wt% to 98 wt% of one or more carbonyl-free monomers selected from a group consisting of styrene, methyl styrene isomers, halogenated styrene isomers, vinyl chloride, vinylidene chloride, butadiene, acrylonitrile, methacrylonitrile, ethylene, propylene, and butylene isomers; and from 50 wt% to 2 wt% of one or more of a group consisting of acrylic acid, methacrylic acid, crotonic acid, maleic acid, and itaconic acid; and 2) particles of a water-resistant colloidal mineral, wherein a water-resistant mineral is one that, after it has been applied as a component of a coating composition to a substrate and dried, will not readily reionize in the presence of water, wherein a majority by weight of the particles have a three-dimensional mean diameter of not greater than 0.1 micrometers (0.1 micron), and wherein a majority by weight of the particles have no mean diameter in any dimension of an x-y-z Cartesian coordinate system of less than 0.0005 micrometers (0.0005 micron), wherein a general shape of each of the particles is spherical or cubic, and wherein the particles comprise from 25 wt% to 55 wt% of the back-side coating when dried; and 1) an ionomer comprising from 50 wt% to 98 wt% of one or more carbonyl-free monomers selected from a group consisting of styrene, methyl styrene isomers, halogenated styrene isomers, vinyl chloride, vinylidene chloride, butadiene, acrylonitrile, methacrylonitrile, ethylene, propylene, and butylene isomers; and from 50 wt% to 2 wt% of one or more of a group consisting of acrylic acid, methacrylic acid, crotonic acid, maleic acid, and itaconic acid; and 2) particles of a water-resistant colloidal mineral, wherein a water-resistant mineral is one that, after it has been applied as a component of a coating composition to a substrate and dried, will not readily reionize in the presence of water, wherein a majority by weight of the particles have a three-dimensional mean diameter of not greater than 0.1 micrometers (0.1 micron), and wherein a majority by weight of the particles have no mean diameter in any dimension of an x-y-z Cartesian coordinate system of less than 0.0005 micrometers (0.0005 micron), wherein a general shape of each of the particles is spherical or cubic, and wherein the particles comprise from 25 wt% to 55 wt% of the back-side coating when dried; and c) a front-side coating on the first side of the substrate, wherein the front-side coating is printable.