[PERSONAL] Malay and Money: A Reflection

Oh boy. This is a hard article to write.

Right. Let’s start with this. My name is Suraya. It’s an obviously Malay name. Even though technically I am of mixed parentage, I am 100%
culturally
 Malay.

This is embarassing to admit, but when I was younger, I went through a period of being ashamed of my own race. I wanted to erase that identity. So much that when I was living in Japan, I went by Aya. When I was studying in the UK, I took the name Sue.

I’m no longer that person. I’ve learned to accept my Malay-ness. I love my name. In fact, I insist on it – always call me Suraya, not Su, not anything else.

But why was I embarassed of my Malay identity in the first place? How did I eventually accept it? I wanted to pen this essay to just kind of, dive deep into this complicated, complex psyche, through the lens and intersection with personal finance and money management.

Here we go. These are all reasons why I detached from my Malay identity. Read until the end – this article only makes sense if read as a whole.

#1 – Blind loyalty makes us follow bad leaders

In Malay culture,
blind loyalty is a virtue
.

In the book
Concept of a Hero in Malay Society by Shaharuddin Maaruf
, the author gave examples how the Malay elite thoughout history – royalty, politicians, statespersons, religious authorities – expect and demand unwavering loyalty from their subjects.

View this post on Instagram

Concept of A Hero in Malay Society by Shaharuddin Maaruf. Explains how and why blind loyalty to the Malay elite is a valued trait among #Malay people, even if they treat you badly and mainly act for their own material and political self-interest #Malaysia #Melayu

A post shared by
Suraya Zainudin
 (@surayaror) on
Sep 5, 2018 at 8:58pm PDT

Blind loyalty, in practice, is the
voluntary
 act of deeming oneself as inferior and ‘less’ than a small subset of people, and it is a trait that is entrenched in the Malay psyche (even though it’s directly contradictory to Islamic values, but anyway).

A traitor is someone who so much questions the Malay elite, let alone disobeys them. Think about it – Hang Tuah is considered the apex of Malay hero
due
 to his unquestioning loyalty to the Sultan.

The Malay elites are so protected in this country. Questioning them and demanding accountability is so frowned upon that the Malay elite don’t even need to defend themselves – we have seen examples upon examples how citizens take it upon themselves to attack and punish ‘offenders’ on the elites’ behalf. You’ve probably seen it in action.

This has far-reaching repercussions in Malaysian society. The abuse of power, when it happens (and it does happen), is horrific.

Just look at 1MDB. The money that’s supposed to go for our growth, goes to pay off debt instead. We’ve been robbed because we too many people were blindly loyal.

#2 – State-sanctioned racism make me feel guilty (and angry)

The second reason why I was embarrassed by my Malay identity is due to my uncomfortableness of endorsing, by default, of
state-sanctioned racism
.

Yes, I’m talking about Malay special rights.

I am fully admitting that I endorse it by default simply because, well, you don’t see me actively working to dismantle it, do you? I can talk and talk about it but I’m not doing anything about it. Inaction *is* an action.

It’s not a good excuse, but I fear repercussions. I
want
 to be braver, but I’m not, I’m a coward, I am comfortable in my current environment. I mean, I’m not going to refuse ASB and Bumi discounts for property purchase, that’s stupid. Plus why rock the boat and invoke the wrath of people who believe in Malay special rights?

I guess that’s the reason why I pick arguments that support wealth equality instead. Go faaaar away from the race discussions. First, because it’s safer. Second, because I personally benefit from the system, which makes me a hypocrite.

However, we can’t pretend that race and economics is not intersected. It is, from the very core. We need to ask the hard questions, like why is it that despite the Malay special rights, the majority of B40 folks are… Malay?

I am pissed off that hardworking Malay people DON’T get economically ahead, despite the Malay special rights which is supposed to help them. If they live in poverty even with these rights, then you KNOW something is wrong.

There is no other explanation for this, except that the poor in this country get opportunities taken from them because of practices that encourage wealth inequality.

For now, I am still going to take advantage of ASB and Bumi discounts. I justify it by telling myself that money is a tool and it’s easier for me to help others if I’m rich rather than if I’m poor. Plus I can also donate the profits to causes I love – that’s one way to take advantage of the system.

#3 – The lazy Malay stereotype makes me want to work even harder to ‘prove myself’

That brings us here. It’s another reason I was embarassed by my racial background. I grew up hearing about the lazy Malay stereotype, and not wanting to be associated with that trait is the biggest reason why I detached myself from my Malay identity altogether.

Where does this stereotype comes from? I wondered for years, finally piecing together clues, here and there.

In the same book mentioned above, the author argues that blind loyalty among the Malays persist because it comes with reward expectations. Everyone scurries to get noticed and awarded favours by the Malay elite, because often,
those rewards and benefits are financial in nature
.

Ah, went the lightbulb in my head.
That’s
 how the handout culture came to being.
That’s
 where the lazy Malay trope came from.

I have to admit, when the ‘lazy Malay’ trope gets viral in social media, as if often does, I get very defensive. It’s hard not to be when an attack is directed at your core identity.

That’s why I tear up when I see my fellow Malaysians defend Malays. They would share how its the fault of a personality trait (greed), not the race itself. They would share how their Malay friends and colleagues are some of the most hardworking people they know. They would share how some Malay people they know work two, three, four jobs to support their families.

Thank you for that, truly.

It’s actually kind of motivating.
I work hard because I want to be THAT hardworking Malay person that you know

Confession: sometimes I get so defensive over the ‘lazy Malay’ stereotype that I overcompensate by working hard

Sometimes it’s tiring but that’s all I can do on a personal level, you know?

— Suraya Zainudin (@surayaror)
September 13, 2019

I tweeted about this feeling sometime ago. Other people replied saying they felt the same all this while. That made me feel less alone.

Final thoughts

How do I even end this article? I don’t know. It’s just a jumble of thoughts that I’ve had for a long time, bottled up. I don’t have solutions, I don’t have a call-to-action, nothing.

But what use is having a personal blog if I can’t share my own thoughts here?

This is my personal battle and I guess eventual acceptance of my own Malay identity, and how it affected my worldview, including my money and work approach. It started of by my admission of being ashamed of it, then the realisation that hey, I’m never going to be able to erase that part of me, and I don’t want to hate myself, so learn to live with it and do the best in my own capacity.

With that thought, I’m signing off. If you’re going to comment, please be kind.


[PERSONAL] Managing Finances as a Couple: 3 Things That Worked Well for Us!

Studies say
you don’t necessarily need to be married to be happy
, but in my case, sharing my life with my partner is one of the best experiences, I’m enjoying it 🙂 He’s a good man – I guess
my approach to dating
 worked 🙂

Absolutely melt every time the husband said "good job sayang, that was amazing, you sounded so smart" right after I finish my work webinars 🥺🥺❤
— Suraya | suraya.eth (@surayaror)
March 20, 2021

So, obviously, as a married couple, we now run a household together, and jointly responsible for our finances. This article breaks down how we are managing finances as a couple, in a way that works for us. Under no circumstances I want to imply this is the best way for everyone, just the best way for
us.

Here are 3 things that worked really well:

#1 – We took the Financial Behaviour Test

Money as a topic came up often during the dating stage (it’s not like he didn’t know he was dating a personal finance blogger…), and we had a lot of conversations about it, including on camera, when we did a
Boyfriend Tag: Should We Combine Our Finances? & Other Money Questions
 video.

However, everything really came together when we both took The Financial Behaviour Test. It was an amazing AHA moment for both of us – only then we understood why we behaved the way we did with money.

The best part was the Financial Behaviour Comparison Report, showing his and my tendencies side-by-side. I am very happy to discover that we are mostly aligned – we are both low risk takers, savers (as opposed to spenders), and happy to pursue a content life (as opposed to an extravagant life) 🙂

In fact, it was because of his high score in financial relationship management (second line) and preference for financial advisors that I got him a
professional financial planning session
 as a birthday present. He loved it <3

I would happily recommend the Financial Behaviour Report to everyone. You can even turn it into a date – Buy the Financial Behaviour Report for you and your partner and go through your results together 🙂 Individuals can do it too and learn more about yourself.

Buy it here >>
Financial Behaviour Report (Individual RM49 /Couple RM99)

#2 – We decided on ‘I pay for this expense you cover that one’ approach (for now)

There are so many ways of managing finances as a couple. Some swear by joint bank account, some do the ratio approach based on income, some give total financial responsibility to the husband, etc.

As mentioned in my
Thoughts I Have About Marriage (and Money Management)
 article, both of us were raised in families where all the women and men earned money, so we are now living the DINK lifestyle (dual income, no kids), with shared as well as individual expenses.

Individually, our financial situations are healthy, but different:

My situation:

Self-employed so income fluctuates a lot – some months five figures, most months four figures
Multiple sources of income
Healthy amount in savings, no consumer debt
Well-funded but extremely
high-risk investment portfolio
; additional funding via lump sum method – every six or so months

His situation:

Employed with stable income
Single source of income; currently learning additional skills
Healthy amount in savings, no consumer debt
Paying for mortgage (yet to receive key) and car loan
Building up investment portfolio; additional funding via dollar cost averaging method – monthly deductions

We thought of having a joint account at some point, but at this stage, while we’re waiting to move into our permanent home, we have decided to split our expenses this way:

Me: Cover Groceries and Rent (plus the bills – electric, aircon, water and Indah Water)
Him: Cover Mortgage and Car loan (plus petrol, parking and car maintenance)
Both: Cover other individual expenses that we have

This separation works well – we don’t have to transfer money to another account and responsibilities are clear. Later, after we move and no longer have to pay Rent, we’ll probably have another chat about shared expenses and maybe set up that joint account, if necessary.

#3 – We organised our financial documents

Conscientiousness describes doing one’s work well and thoroughly; the ability to be orderly and organised when required because it gets the job done.

Which is kind of important for personal finance, and as it turns out, is
one of the best traits in a partner and in a marriage
 too.

Honestly, I would have married him anyway even if he’s not particularly conscientious, because boi I fell hard for that face and
love makes you stupid in, like, a biological way
.

However happily he turns out to be quite organised as well, so guess who had a genuinely fun date night just compiling our insurance policies in one place??

Husband and I just created a Google Drive folder to compile all our insurance policies in one place, for easy access and reference. It's nice to be married to someone who's also financially organised 🙂
— Suraya | suraya.eth (@surayaror)
April 23, 2021

How are y’all managing finances as a couple?

Obviously, we are not going to pretend we have this whole thing perfected. I am very well aware that as newlyweds, we have much to learn about each other, and go through together. Maybe the way we handle expenses will change in the future, but I think we have a pretty good start at it 🙂

And now I would love to hear some advice from readers with longer experience. Married/cohabitating partners, what method(s) do you use for managing finances as a couple? What worked, what didn’t, and what changed over the years?

Please leave your wisdom in the comments section below!


[Personal] Finding the Meaning of Life

I am not financially free yet. But I do consider myself financially secure.

Something happens as you inch there: you think about the subject of life a whole lot more. Specifically, the meaning of life. This short, fleeting life.

The thought process didn’t come overnight; rather, it was an increment. It gradually builds itself up and took up more space in my head.

Rationally, I know why it happens. As you accumulate money, you get to choose what conveniences to buy. That gets you time. And when you have free time, you start thinking about how to fill it.

This realisation shocked me; even though I should’ve seen it coming – I did write the
23 Things That I Can Do At Home, Instead Of Spending Money
 article a while back. That was me exploring what I can do for cheap with the extra time that I had.

And this is me using that time to put my thought processes about the meaning of life into order.

The society-accepted ‘Meaning of Life’

pixel2013
 / Pixabay

The societal norm for achieving a fulfilled life should be familiar to you, too: Go to school, go to university, find a job, find a spouse, buy a house, have some children, work your ass off, save for retirement and enjoy retirement (with some grandchildren).

The guideline is helpful enough to start, especially when you’re young and have no idea yet what you want to do in life. It’s standard, and it helps you assimilate into society.

At this point in life, I did the first three, but I’m not sure I want to proceed with the rest. Not that I
reject
it, but I want greater flexibility in available options.

I’ve seen people regretting their marriages and house purchases, simply because ‘it was time to get married/buy a house’. Kids are nice, but not a compulsory element for a fulfilled life – people can be just as happy without them, if not happier.

Maybe those funds can be better spent towards what truly makes one happy, however one defines it.

Then there’s the final three phases, the work-hard-until-retirement phases, where
only then
you’ll be allowed to rest from working all your adult life.

I don’t want this at all.

Instead, I like the idea of permanent semi-retirement even from a relatively young age. I like the idea of always working on projects I’m passionate in, regardless whether I’m 30 or 60 or 90.

Not having things to do beyond housekeeping and providing childcare seems like a terribly boring way to live (no offence to those who enjoy this, good for you).

For me, knowing what I
don’t want
 is the first step towards finding what I do want out of life. Process of elimination and all that.

The fear: regret

pavlelederer2
 / Pixabay

As a feeling, regret ranks way up there in the ‘nope’ category, doesn’t it? I don’t have major regrets in life (yet; touch wood), but even the small ones make me cringe, no matter how many years have passed since then.

A while back, I read the ‘top 5 regrets people have before they die’ articles with interest. Copying from
this article
, here they are:

I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me

I wish I didn’t work so hard

I wish I had the courage to express my feelings and speak my mind

I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

I wish I had let myself be happier

Oooh, a punch to the guts.
I really don’t want to be thinking of these on my deathbed!

I did make some progress in ‘defying others’ expectations’ (regret no 1). After high school, I penned a letter to my Dad begging for his forgiveness for not wanting to go down the medic route, like he wanted me to. I cried writing it, knowing it’ll break his heart.

I just want to say he’s a great Dad – he said ‘I love you’ a lot – and choosing not to do what he wanted saddened me, but it also relieved me. Thank you for your unconditional love since then, Dad.

I’m also known as a fairly blunt and direct person (regret no 3). This has hurt my Mom’s feelings many times, usually after I dismiss her many motherly suggestions (stay home, wear hijab, etc).

However she did admit finding value in this trait. She said she values my opinions because I don’t say something just for the sake of ‘jaga hati’. Thank you for understanding, Mom.

I’m nowhere near perfect, but I try to keep in mind the above regrets when I make life choices. Work-wise, I prioritise projects that allow me ample rest time (regret no 2). I try to meet up with friends as often as I can (regret no 4).

Knowing that experience – not things – provide higher levels of happiness, I prioritise travel and self-development (regret no 5).

Life-long passion vs short-term passions

Jordan-Al
 / Pixabay

I’m lucky enough to have a specific area of interest that I’m wholeheartedly passionate in: personal finance.

This blog is 2.5 years old, but I’ve recorded my expenses since I was 17. I had my first job (telemarketing) and earned my own money at 18. I moved out of the family home and managed my own expenses after college. I’m not ‘better’, just privileged, mind you.

I hope this passion continues. It dreads me to think of the day when I might not like it anymore. There have been times when it came dangerously close – when I developed passions for other things (or so I thought).

During those times, I stopped reading/researching about personal finance and dedicated all my energy to something else.

For example, when I was in college I was hooked on anime and cosplay culture for a while. I watched anime every single day, during any available free time. I went to cosplay conventions. Cosplayed only once though – as Cooking Mama (lol).

Okay, so maybe short-term passions are fine as well. Maybe I can just call them ‘flings’. They make life interesting. I shouldn’t be guilty of this, now, should I?

There are a few ‘flings’ I’m considering right now. Being a full-time traveler is one. Being a coder is another. Being a data scientist, too. My third ambition – back in primary school where teachers ask you to fill in the ‘cita-cita saya’ box – was to become a scientist. I even drew myself in a lab coat.

(The first ambition was flight attendant, the second one was ninja assassin).

There was a time when I felt guilty (there’s the G-word again) about wanting to reinvent myself throughout life. The norm is dedication to a single craft, no?

But over time, I’ve witnessed people – successful people – who have reinvented themselves again and again. Julian Hosp of Tenx (a crypto-related startup) was a professional basketball player, a professional kitesurfer, a medical doctor, and now a startup founder.

Why the heck not?
Allowing myself that freedom to try out things completely outside my area of expertise and outside of my comfort zone was liberating.

In 2018 I became a theatre producer for a (small, one-night only) show. It was fun as heck. I even made a small profit out of it – paid more or less the same as the performers in the show – but a profit nonetheless.

Research-backed ways to be happy

Research-backed paths to happiness appeal to me more than religion-backed paths to happiness. To be clear, it’s not binary, not one-or-the-other. It’s more like one-over-the-other. Even when I refer back to religion, I choose the ‘God-as-a-loving-entity’ narrative rather than the ‘God-as-the-punisher’ narrative.

This article
 is one of the best compilations I’ve found on the topic. Sharing their infographic:

Money-related habits appear pretty regularly, either as a means or a tool to achieve happiness. See it in:

7) Pursue personally meaningful goals

11) Let go of materialistic tendencies

12) Give freely

18) Jobs as a calling

19) Have things to look forward to

20) Spend money on experiences, and

21) Spend money to benefit others

Of course, there’s also that other study that proved money is
needed
 to achieve optimal emotional happiness. Apparently you are happiest if you make at least
between $60,000-75,000 per year
.

Make over the ‘satiation point’ ($95,000) and the income/happiness correlation no longer applies. Note: the amount differs from country to country – from as low as $35,000 (Latin America) to $125,000 (Australia/New Zealand). Note 2: No idea what’s the specific amount for Malaysians.

In any case, can I admit that THE NUMBERS ARE FREAKING INTIMIDATING???? Even the lowest number $35,000 is RM135,000 per year!

Hmm, oh well. Change what you can, accept what you can’t. I guess I’ll be okay with whatever level of happiness I can get with my income level. I’ll try my darnest to earn that amount, but even if I don’t, I
will
make the best out of what I have, dammit.

Conclusion

The conclusion here is anticlimactic: I have no conclusion. I still don’t know what is my personal meaning of life. I just know:

Money bought me the time to think about life fulfilment

Maybe the society-accepted Meaning of Life model is not for me, and that’s okay

Try my hardest not to make decisions I’d regret

Work on passions, and keep finding new passions (even temporary ones)

Use research to guide me towards making habits that generally make people happy

And just be open to possibilities and make the best out of it. While I figure out my meaning of life, I’ll keep trying for that sweet income level recommendation. Maybe the progress in that area is the catalyst. It’s a start anyhow.

What is your thought process like in deciding your life path? Was it consciously yours, or did something (or someone) else guide you?


[PERSONAL] This is My 10 Money Rules. Tell Me Yours

Today’s post is inspired by one of my favourite personal finance thought leader, Ramit Sethi, who introduced me the
10 Money Rules concept
.

What it is: Once you get to the stage where you
learned the basics of money management
, you should then make your own Money Rules, a set of guidelines that you can embrace without hesitation even if they directly violate the usual financial advice because they reflect your own values and priorities in life.
This way, you are living a life that you want to live, rather than a life that you
thought
you should live.

For example, this is Ramit’s own 10 Money Rules:

Isn’t that fascinating? I don’t agree with some of them, but that’s the point – what I think doesn’t matter. It’s something that Ramit has decided as important for his life.

I thought it was a fun thought exercise, so I decided to do my own 10 Money Rules, which reflects
my
priorities and values. Here they are:

Ignore displays of wealth to the best of my ability
I aim to educate myself. Educating others is good, but not my responsibility
Be sceptical with financial companies. They want your money more than they want to help
Learn marketing to find out what a company is *truly* saying
Trust the data (Expense tracking is data)
Redistribute thy wealth
Use it Up, Wear it Out, Make it Do, or Do Without
I make the best financial decisions when I am happy and content
Stop asking $3 questions and focus on $30,000 questions
Liquid investment >>>>> other investments

The longer version:

1. Ignore displays of wealth to the best of my ability

I don’t agree with lifestyle choices that focus on excessive consumerism, but it *is* your money and you have the right to spend it however you wish, so go ahead, I won’t tell you what you shouldn’t buy.

Instead, I will simply.. ignore. And specifically, ignore it in this way:

Orang yang suka tunjuk kekayaan sebenarnya sakit hati kalau kita tak kasi attention yang dia nak
Cuba try. Next time ada orang tayang jam ke, kereta ke, beg ke, apa ke dengan bangganya, cuba buat tak tau. Tak yah komen, lek je cerita pasal cuaca ke apa
— Suraya ringgitohringgit.com (@surayaror)
February 1, 2021

That’s right. My #1 Money Rule is to embrace my petty side.

2. I aim to educate myself. Educating others is good, but not my responsibility

Yes, I maintain a personal finance blog. But at the end of the day, other people’s financial education is not my responsibility.

For one, that’s the government’s job. I pay my taxes so
they
 would do it.

Secondly, I don’t want to develop a hero(ine) complex and feel like I need to go around ‘saving’ people by ‘educating’ them. I’m not a coloniser.

Ultimately, I make personal finance content because I enjoy it; I love
organising my thoughts
 and figuring out different ways to monetise my skillsets. If you found the content in ROR helpful, great. I will not take the credit. You saved yourself when you put in the effort to read and learn. I’m just the messenger.

3. Be sceptical with financial companies. They want your money more than they want to help

NEVER believe companies that say they want to help you at face value. Sometimes I wish they would say ‘we want your money’, that’s more accurate.

Case in point: those damn
Buy Now, Pay Later companies
.

4. Learn marketing to find out what a company is *truly* saying

ALWAYS wonder why you’re seeing an ad. Try and figure out what psychological tactics they’re incorporating so you’re more likely to spend on a particular product or a service.

For example, companies frequently use the ‘fake scarcity’ tactics like countdown timers and ‘limited time sales’ (which happens every month!) to encourage sales!

Related:
Why We Can’t Stop Spending Money

5. Trust the data (Expense tracking is data)

The reason why I love
expense tracking
 so much is because I believe in the phrase ‘You are what you spend’. I don’t *guess* what my priorities are. I *know* what they are, because I have the data. If it tells me I’ve been spending too much on ‘self-care’, that means work is too stressful until I feel like I need those distractions, so I better do something about it.

6. Redistribute thy wealth

It’s weird that society’s role models are people who amassed an obscene amount of wealth, especially those who get there by exploiting their workers. This ‘keep most of the money to yourself’ mentality is so prevalent in society that I had to consciously fight against and unlearn this tendency to hoard money.

How I’ve done this in practice:

Spend generously at small businesses and to family members
Pay freelancers whatever they ask, never bargain with them
Set instructions to donate to charities of my choosing

I don’t think I’m the best at this, but I’m trying.

(I’m also aware how virtue-signalling this may sound. I don’t care. It’s just… you really can’t take it with you when you go.)

7. Use it Up, Wear it Out, Make it Do, or Do Without

Maximising an item’s utility value gives me a lot of satisfaction. I also enjoy the creativity that comes with repurposing an item, and find it satisfying to decide to go without something a company tells me I ‘need’.

For example: I’ll never have to buy a hair colouring kit, ever since I decided my white/grey hairs are natural and not something to be ‘fixed’.

Use it up, wear it out,  make it do, or do without.
#livewithless

#declutter

pic.twitter.com/3YUMMwAfb8
— The Story of Stuff Project (@storyofstuff)
August 5, 2017

8. I make the best financial decisions when I am happy and content

This is probably my favourite in this 10 Money Rules list.

Rather than thinking that money brings happiness, I like to think
being happy

and content
 attracts money in my life.

Reason: When I am in a good headspace, I earn better, I invest better, I don’t shop on impulse, all in all I make better financial decisions. Therefore, my happiness and contentment are non-negotiable and I will do everything in my power to preserve them, including
saying No
 to things that are not good for my well-being and learning the science behind
buying happiness
.

Note: I’m not saying that money isn’t necessary for happiness. Here I am acknowledging stress and unhappiness as barriers to good financial health, holistically speaking.

9. Stop asking $3 questions and focus on $30,000 questions

This one is taken straight from Ramit Sethi’s material. The idea is to stop spending my energy on small things that don’t matter, when I can use them for making Big Wins, or high-impact decisions.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Ramit Sethi (@ramit)

10. Liquid investment >>>>> other investments

The ability to quickly liquidate an investment (ie turn it back to cash that I can use to buy food and other necessities) is THE most important factor in choosing investments, for me. And that is why
everything in my investment portfolio
 is liquid.

I
understand
 why some people do property investment (they like physical assets, got tax benefits, etc), but it’s not for me, exactly for this reason.

I also don’t collect art, but mostly because I am uncultured lol.

What is YOUR 10 Money Rules

What is the #1 Money Rule that defines your financial life? I especially want to know the Money Rules that you have that are a little bit unconventional, and truly reflects your own values and priorities. If you don’t have one, this is a good time as any to reflect!

As always, let me know in the comments. Have a good rest of the week and take care 🙂


My 21 for 2021 List: Money, Work, Learning, Health, Relationship and Misc Projects Goals

Hi, my name is Suraya and I am addicted to self-improvement.

That’s good and all, but it’s also making me feel like
my current state is never good enough
.  I live in constant anxiety and fear of missing out that ‘one’ thing that will finally ‘complete’ my learning process and ‘add value’ to my life!

Combined with my high score in Openness to Experiences (as per the
Big 5 Personality Trait Assessment
), that means I’m highly susceptible to what they call
The Shiny Object Syndrome
. I want to try and do everything!

That’s probably why I decided to make a
21 for 2021 list
 – inspired by Grethen Rubin’s (one of my favourite authors) article, ‘
Tired of Making New Year’s Resolutions? Try Making a “20 for 2020” List Instead
‘.

21 is big enough a number for me to list out what I deem important to explore in 2021, yet small enough to serve as a hard limit. If anything new comes up, I’ll bring it forward to the following year (or find a way to justify it under one of the 21 lol).

Here is my 21 for 2021 List:

EDIT: end of December 2021. I managed to complete 9 out of 21. The ones completed is bolded

Money

1. Earn RM100k in income

Its just a nice, round figure. I’ll be happy if I hit it, but won’t beat myself hard if I don’t.

2. Max out ASB

3. Get the vending machine side-income business up and running

Related:
How to Do Vending Machine Business in Malaysia (My Experience)

Work

4. Do
Money Stories from Malaysians
: Volume 3

5. Work on Pinterest marketing (since I bought the course – #10)

6. Complete and launch workbook for sale

7. Redesign Ringgit Oh Ringgit website

Learning

8. Complete CFP course

(Related:
My CFP Journey, Part 1: Why, Where and How Much to Be A Certified Financial Planner in Malaysia
)

9. Complete The Happiness Project Experience

10. Complete Pinterest Course

11. Read at least 2 books per month

12. Re-read 10 books I already own

I find it very hard to re-read books once I’ve read them, so I’m adding this in my 21 for 2021 List as a personal challenge. Related:
What’s On My Bookshelf: What I Read and HIGHLY RECOMMEND

Health

13. Lose 10kg

Methods: low-carb, suku-suku separuh

14. Track food intake

15. Take a daily walk after a meal

Relationship, Family & Friends

16. Move to our new place

Ngl I’m really excited about budgeting for this!

17. Have 2 dates per month

18. Meet families regularly (once a week)

Misc projects

19. Attempt a balcony garden (again)

I made my own fertiliser using the bokashi fermentation method, it would be a shame to not use the fertile soil for actual gardening!

20. Do at least 1 x no-spend month

I need to tame my desire for earthly pleasures, it’s getting out of control. What better way to do this than by challenging myself to a no-spend month? Thanks
Figuringgitout
 for the inspiration!

21. Work on my limiting beliefs

I know that I have a huge mental barrier with doing sales, and that makes me procastinate on completing projects – in my head, if I complete it, then I have to sell it, and that fear of selling stops me from working on my personal bucket list projects.

What would you put in your 21 for 2021 List?

Important: My 21 for 2021 List is just a tool to help me re-focus my priorities, because I find it hard to simultaneously (1) work on one thing at a time, and (2) not be distracted by something new due to my love for variety and dislike for routine.

If 21 for 2021 is too many for you (it took me ~2 weeks to complete my list!), then consider the
Three Hobbies method
 instead: One hobby to make money, One hobby to keep you in shape, and One hobby to be creative.

If an activity you want to explore for 2021 is ‘more writing’ (related:
The Beginner’s Guide to Writing Good Articles (for Power, Profit and Pleasure)
, doing a 21 for 2021 List is a GREAT way to do some self-reflection. If you do one, can you do me a favour and a link to your own 21 for 2021 List in the comments section? I would love to read yours!


My 23 for 2023 List: Money, Work, Learning, Health, Relationship and Misc Projects Goals

Doing this again for the 3rd year running! In 2022, I achieved 11 of the 22 things in my
22 for 2022 List
. This exercise was so beneficial that I’ve decided to do it again – here’s my 23 for 2023 List.

Like the previous year, 23 is big enough a number for me to list out what I deem important to explore in 2023, yet small enough to serve as a hard limit. The credit for original idea goes to one of my favourite authors, Grethen Rubin.

Here is my 23 for 2023 List, divided into categories Money, Work, Learning, Health, Relationship and Misc Project Goals

Money

1. Earn more than I spend

I’ve been spending more than I earn for a couple of years now and while savings are healthy and I don’t regret it after living ultra-frugally for most of my 20s, I know this can’t go on. I’d be irresponsible if I let this go on.

(Not that anyone asked, but the reason I overspent in 2021 was because I paid a lot of upfront capital for
vending machine biz
, and in 2022 I contributed a big chunk to
RM57k home renovation cost
)

2. Earn RM150k in income

I hit my money goals in 2021 and 2022, so why not attempt this.

3. Dates/Travel not exceeding RM10k

I’m blown away that my Dates/Travel expenses in 2022 amounted to RM18k!! Will reduce this to RM10k in 2023, lower is better.

Work

4. Explore a new income stream

Ideally something I’m excited about AND contributes to personal growth AND WFH-friendly AND pays well.

5. Explore a new passive income stream

6. Do at least 1x collaboration per month

I’m a solopreneur with no colleagues so to not go crazy with loneliness, I love working together with financial institutions, NGOs, universities, social enterprises and private companies (with aligning values).

7. Hit 100k monthly traffic for ringgitohringgit.com

Goal carried over for years already now. It’s ok, consistency is all that matters 🙂

Learning

8. Go to therapy when I need it

Generally my mental health is good but I went through a hard patch back late 2022. After the second panic attack, I booked a therapy session and it was great. Giving myself permission to go back if/when I need it, despite the extra cost.

9. Write good newsletters and send at least 1x month

I need to dig out my newsletter course again, so I can add extra value to RoR newsletter subscribers.

10. Do IPO again

I participated in IPO (initial public offering) once in 2022 and had a good experience. Want to try it again in 2023 🙂

11. Read at least 2 books per month

Want to continue this habit 🙂

12. Re-read 2 books I already own

Note: My goal for 2022 was to re-read 2 books I already own but only completed one. So I’m going to re-attempt this again.

Related:
What’s On My Bookshelf: What I Read and HIGHLY RECOMMEND

Health

13. Exercise 2 x week

Yoga counts. I enjoy yoga.

14. Walk more steps than 2022

I had ‘walk more steps than 2021’ in my 22 for 2022 list and achieved it, continuing the same spirit this year 🙂

15. Limit food delivery to 2x max per month

The pattern is: we buy healthy groceries, but order unhealthy food. So by limiting food delivery (but not eliminating since we still enjoy them and everything in moderation, right?), hopefully we’ll eat better.

Side note – I am working on better habits and not being fixated by pure weight loss alone. It’s a work in progress, wish me luck.

Relationship, Family & Friends

16. [Personal]

I’ll share when I’m ready 🙂

17. Meet families regularly (once a week)

Had this goal from 2022 and loved it so much I’m going to continue 🙂

18.  Nurture existing relationship and friendships

Water your garden and all 🙂

19. Develop new circle of friends

I’m in a new phase in my life and would love to be part of a friendship group that reflects that.

Misc projects

20. Fix my scalp

My scalp isn’t the healthiest, and it bothers me so much. Time to do something about it.

21. Be a better AFS board member

I’m one of the board members in AFS Antarabudaya Malaysia, and need to step up my contribution. Aiming for 2x activities planned.

22. Help my parents with their finances and cashflow

23.  Do estate planning – complete
Wasiat, Hibah and Trust
 documents

Goal carried over from 2022. I have done my
Hibah ASB
 though.

What would you put in your 23 for 2023 List?

Important: My 23 for 2023 List is just a tool to help me re-focus my priorities, because I find it hard to simultaneously (1) work on one thing at a time, and (2) not be distracted by something new due to my love for variety and dislike for routine.

If 23 things are too many for you, then consider the
Three Hobbies method
 instead: One hobby to make money, One hobby to keep you in shape, and One hobby to be creative.

You could also use the New Year’s Resolution using AI thing to help you figure out what you may want to concentrate on in 2023. Mine was eeriely insightful, I was shook (do we still say this in 2023? lol)

Ngl kinda blown away by this..
pic.twitter.com/q1QGiCv81f
— Suraya | suraya.eth (@surayaror)
January 3, 2023

If an activity you want to explore for 2023 is ‘more writing’ (related:
The Beginner’s Guide to Writing Good Articles (for Power, Profit and Pleasure)
, doing a 23 for 2023 List is a GREAT way to do some self-reflection.

What would you like to add to your own 23 for 2023 List? List in the comments section below, would love to be inspired by yours <3


My Best and Worst Spending in 2016

In the spirit of sharing, and just to show you that I make as many stupid purchases as I made good ones, here’s my list of best and worst spending in 2016.

Related:
My best and worst spending in 2015

JaStra
 / Pixabay

Best Spending in 2016

Trip to Krabi.
RM900. I wrote about my Krabi trip
here
.

Trip to Japan.
 RM2500. I wrote about my Japan trip
here
.

Kerastase shampoo
. RM90 from a kind lady in Carousell. Original price is RM100+ I think, not sure. This shampoo makes my hair look fabulous y’all.

Fleece blanket
. RM49 from Tesco. Oh my fleece blankets – good quality ones – is so soft and so perfect to sleep in. I’m one of those people who can’t sleep without a blanket and made do with spare bedsheets instead of actual blankets for the past 5 or so years. Super worth it.

8 x container baskets
. RM5 each from MR DIY. Beige colour, rattan design. Organised the shit out of my shit. Now I have containers for beauty products, medicine, DIY stuff, accessories, electronics, and other miscellaneous items.

Hand truck.
 RM60 from Giant, on sale. Super handy during the moving process. I don’t think I’ll need it anytime soon, so I may sell it – which is good because apparently the going rate for new ones range between RM80-RM150. I may get all my money back!

Malaysian Writers’ Society membership
. RM70. Now I can say I am ‘a registered member of the Malaysian Writers’ Society’. Cewaaahhh.

Uniqlo jeans.
 RM149 for the first pair, then bought 3 more for RM99 each during MyCybersale. I’ve yet to wear 2 pairs – they will be worn in stages for the next few years.

Website banner.
 RM87.80 (or USD20) from
Fiverr.com
. I love it. In case you didn’t know, the flower is Alstroemeria flower, also known as the Peruvian lily. It was picked because I love
the meaning
 behind the flower.

Xiaomi powerbank
. RM107.10 from Lazada. Lifesaver in many, many occasions, both for myself and my friends.

Umbrella
. RM19.50 from MR DIY. Does the job. Did not get drenched in the rain even once in 2016.

2 x glasses.
 From
Selectspecs
; both for RM118.88. Select a cheap frame ($10ish), enter your eye power (? not sure of correct terminology here), choose extras (optional) and get it delivered (free!) within a few weeks. I’m comfortable with recommending them; have bought about 6 glasses in roughly 6 years. Not be best quality, but suitable for a rough user like myself.

Lenovo K4 Vibe.
 RM830 from Lazada. Picked based on the recommendation of
Soya Cincau’s Best Smartphone Under RM1000
article. It’s only my second smartphone ever.

A book on sambal recipes
. RM5 from MPH. Made three types of sambals in the first week. I like my sambal, this was money well spent.

Hyaluronic acid.
 RM44.50 from Guardian. Face tonic from the Hada Labo brand. Significantly improved my skin.

Worst Spending in 2016

 Cheap pan and pot
. I got them for RM12 and RM10 each, which are ridiculously cheap. Unfortunately, they were also ridiculously horrible to use. When I tried to make a simple omelette with the pan, the freaking non-stick coating wore off. I know this because the omelette tasted funky, chemical-ly. I wasted 3 eggs here. The pot, on the other hand, fails to cook anything without burning it. I wasted another 3 eggs here.

Scammed out of RM1400.
 Not proud to admit it, but this happened and I’ll take partial blame for it. I was searching for furniture and tempted by low prices by this one Carousell seller. I was supposed to receive a dining table, bed frame, sofa and custom wardrobe in the first week of December. As of a mid-December, he cut off all communication with me.  I’m thinking of making a police report.

Paid to get off blacklisted telco list.
 Sometime ago, I used my name to help out a family member to get internet dongle or something. Little did I know that this person did not care to pay the monthly fee. It was deactivated shortly after, but not until RM280.80 damage was done. So I got blacklisted, and had to pay this fee before getting postpaid line.

Gym mat.
 Crap one that costs RM34.15 from Guardian. Damaged easily from normal use. Would not recommend.

Overdue ASB loan
. Aka what the what?? I took RM50k ASB loan from Maybank, and have been paying RM289 monthly for it. Then somehow it was increased to RM308 about a year ago and I did not know about it?? I underpaid for months, and owed them about RM310. It’s annoying because I consented to have the loan auto-deducted directly from my bank account. It shouldn’t have happened, but it did.

Fined.
 RM302.12. I can’t even remember what for. Wasted money, in my opinion.

Unnecessary ATM fees
. RM6.30 because in multiple occasions I failed to plan ahead and had to withdraw money outside of my bank’s ATM.

Shitload of tobacco and Coke Zero.
 I don’t even want to calculate this. Dammit Suraya.

Becca Under Eye Corrector
. RM90 from Carousell. Bought because some beauty Youtubers recommended it. Did not work with my skintone. Made my eyebags look worse.

Black skirt.
 RM59 from Jusco. When I bought this, I already own 5 black skirt (leftover from office days). When I moved, I donated 3 of them, including this one.

Printed skirt.
 RM20 from Cotton On Sale. Pretty but badly stitched. Ripped the side within a month. I’m probably not going to buy anything from Cotton On again.

Foam Roller
. RM44.72 from Lazada. Read that it can help massage my back. But personally it’s unpleasant to use and now stay boxed. I might donate it soon.

Stevia leaves.
 RM20 from pasar malam. I badly want to love stevia, but I don’t. I bought a packet containing about 20 small pouches and maybe used two.

Hair dye
. RM19.35 from a pharmacy. Bought and applied sometime in March 2016. I don’t know what I was thinking – I love my original hair colour and this product worsen my hair fall problem. It’s back to natural now, and so much healthier too.

Junk food.
 According to my spending tracker, I wasted RM645.70 in junk food and drinks in 2016, or roughly RM1.77 per day. I don’t regret many of them, but I wish I didn’t cave in more than I should. I’m supposed to be dieting :/


9 Things in My Financial To-Do List (That I Keep Putting Off..)

For the most part, I think I’m doing this financial thing right. I think.

And then I look at my financial to-do list, and go like, uuuggghhh Suraya why you so lazy one to get these done??

You probably have a running financial to-do list too. It may be written down somewhere, or it may be casually stored in your head. I thought it might be fun to share how mine looks like. So every time I open my own website I’ll keep being reminded of it. Hopefully that’ll pressure me to finally take action :p

Here are 9 things in my financial to-do list that I keep putting off..

#1 – Find out if I have unclaimed money somewhere

It started with a viral Facebook post sometime in July 2017.

Basically, Ms Idah here shared how she managed to claim back money that she forgot she put in various accounts in the past.
She collected a cool RM14,000.

That sounds like a lot, until I found out the total amount of unclaimed money. According to this
The Star article
 in October 2017, there are around RM5.779 BILLION just laying around???

Is it possible I may have money sitting around somewhere under my name that I’ve forgotten about? I don’t know, but I should find out! Cilisos did
a nice article explaining how to do it
 also. Important: if a company claim it can do it for you, that’s probably a scam!

What’s stopping me? Lazy to make the physical visit to the branch.. I wish I can just check it online but last I checked, no such database exist.

EDIT: Coincidentally, I went to check on the same day this article was published. There is no unclaimed money under my name. Well, at least I can tick off this from my financial to-do list.

EDIT EDIT: You can now check online if you have unclaimed money! Go to https://egumis.anm.gov.my/

#2 – Do wasiat and pre-hibah

I love my family, and don’t want them to go through a long process to claim my assets if anything happens to me.

So why do I keep putting this off? 🙁 I don’t know… maybe emotionally I just don’t like thinking of my own death so I keep postponing?

Anyhow, I’ve decided on the wasiat and pre-hibah combo because:

Hibah (gifting) means giving my assets WHILE I’m still alive. Uh, I kinda still need them now. Pre-hibah, on the other hand,
will only gift those assets upon my passing or TPD
 (total and permanent disability) (someone correct me if I’m wrong)

I want to make sure my female relatives get at least the same amount as my male relatives
. This is currently not possible under Malaysia’s faraid/inheritance laws – men usually get much more than women. Note: I’m not debating faraid law, I am pointing out how it is used to significantly reduce women’s inheritance, therefore making it more likely for women to be economically vulnerable and dependent.

I want to
 give away some money to NGOs
 I support too

Together, both wasiat and pre-hibah documents will probably set me back around RM2.5k. A cool chunk, but unavoidable.

EDIT: I have done
Hibah Amanah ASNB
! I also have an article on
Islamic estate planning

#3 – Turn my investment portfolio from high-risk to moderate-risk

Here are all the investments I have:

ASB

Unit trust (PRS)

Gold

P2P Lending (very new; as I’m writing this article, I’m maybe like 1-week in)

Crypto (around 10 or so different ones)

Last time, my safe investments – the first three in the list – was bigger than my crypto investments. I got into crypto around the end of 2015, and steadily collected them all throughout 2016 and 2017.

Crypto prices increased by A LOT since then, and now my portfolio is definitely considered high-risk because value-wise, crypto took over!

Rationally I know I have to reduce my risk level, so I can sleep better at night. I *have* been selling off some of my crypto holdings and channelled that towards other safe investments.

So why am I not doing what I’m *supposed* to do? I think I’m putting it off because I keep waiting for crypto to moon again. Yes, I know I conveniently forget that there’s no guarantee of that happening!

I admit I’m greedy and just to sell my crypto at the highest price possible. This is called timing the market, and it is a stupid, classic investor/trader noOb behaviour.

Out of everything in the list, this takes the highest priority. I MUST rebalance my investment portfolio ASAP!

#4 – Cancel one of my credit cards (and get a new one)

I have three credit cards – two MasterCards and one Amex.

I want to cancel one of those MasterCards and get a Visa card instead.

Last time, that MasterCard was my favourite card. It gave me 5% cashback on all online spending! But one fine day in 2017, the bank (which I will not name) decided to revise the T&C, and now only give
a mere 0.1% cashback
.

Wtf, right? Not worth it!

On wanting a Visa, it’s only because I thought it might be a good idea to have all three trio – Visa, MasterCard and American Express. For all the different deals each of them can offer.

Anyone know a good Visa credit card to suggest? I like cashback and no annual fees.

#5 – Update information on banks, insurance providers and investments

Some of the banks I use still list my old addresses -_- I thought I got that done but apparently some not updated in the system. So annoying!

This is important to sort out because I know they sometimes send pre-approved credit cards to you, I’ve personally received these cards before. Kind of scary knowing somewhere out there, there may be cards in my name that may be in the wrong hands.

Aside from updating addresses, I also need to find out if the beneficiaries in my existing insurances and investments are named to the right people. Just need to dig out all the information, contact them and check.

I know why I’m putting this chore off. Not looking forward to the long holds they put you on during calls…

#6 – Get my business accounting in order

For my business, I have a Google Sheets document listing all incomes and expenses. The thing is, I’m not very good at updating them! Especially on the expenses!

I remember when I was filing my taxes in early 2018 for 2017 income, I was scrambling around to find all business-related receipts which I could deduct as business expenses. KNOWING that it was a pain, I STILL don’t do this consistently enough!

Many times, I thought of just hiring an accountant to keep track of all business expenses, someone who can also help me file my taxes efficiently. They might even save me money by helping me figure out what I could deduct as business expenses, which makes my taxes lower. Still, I don’t know where to find those accountants.

Can you help me? How much does this service even cost? How is the process like? Do you have anyone to recommend, preferably someone who is familiar with (extremely) small online-based business accounting? Someone who is familiar with communications-related incomes and expenses?

#7 – Get more gold and buy into stocks

HelloGold now have a programme called SmartSaver – it allows you to make monthly auto-investments at the best rates that time. The fancy term for this is ‘dollar-cost averaging’, and it’s generally considered a safe strategy for investment types that has fluctuating values.

I personally like HelloGold. I even invested in their ICO (just to give you full disclaimer). Get RM5 discount if you buy RM50 worth of gold via my link
 here
 (note: referral link) or insert the promo code ‘SURA024F

On stocks, I’m still researching and picking 5-6 syariah-compliant stocks to buy into. Last time I had no confidence with stocks, but DividendMagic explained it really well so I think I’ll get it!

Read the
DividendMagic Taught Me How to Read Financial Statements and Buy Stocks
 article – we got good comments on how beginner-friendly it is!

#8 – Get life insurance

I have a medical card and a personal accident insurance – time to add a life insurance in the mix?

Right now, leaning for
Great Eastern Takaful’s i-Gr8 Harapan
 (yep, the same one I did sponsored post for). It looks attractive, and should cost me around RM100 per month. Thoughts?

#9 – Sell off or donate unwanted items

As a konon-minimalist, I’m ashamed how cluttered my house looks at the moment. The other day,
I bought something I already own
*horror face*. This rarely happens, and a sign that I can no longer keep track of what I own!

Things in my financial to-do list that I *did* start (after procrastinating after goodness how long)

So far I’ve shared things in my financial to-do list that I’ve put off doing. To be fair, I did make some progress in others.

For example, these two things are very recent:

Taking the maximum RM200k for ASB loan
. I’ve started the process, at least. Met a financial advisor and he’s helping me apply for the loan. It’ll take a few weeks to sort out.

Dabbling in P2P lending
, the medium-high investment type where you loan money to businesses and they return it to you plus interest after an agreed amount of time. After hearing so many good feedback on this type of investment, I’ve opened an account with Funding Societies* and set up the bot to auto-invest for me (see under Settings). By doing it automatically, I don’t have to keep an eye on my inbox to get into the funding opportunity. If you want to try it, use my
referral link
 and get RM50 (I get RM50 too). Disclaimer: I am not responsible for your investment’s performance, DYOR.

*Note: Funding Societies is not strictly Syariah. I’m closing one eye here

So yeah. My financial to-do list. Feels good to write them out like this, instead of them taking up valuable space in my head.

How about you? What’s in YOUR financial to-do list? Tell me tell me!


[Personal] My Investment Portfolio is Down 60% :)

The value of my investment portfolio was at its highest in October 2021, during the peak of the bull market.

9 months later, as I’m writing this in June 2022, my investment portfolio has since gone down by 60%.
Sixty. Percent.

This article compiles the thought processes I have at this time. What use is having a personal finance blog if I don’t use it as a cathartic outlet 🙂

Obligatory disclaimer: Nothing in here should be taken as financial advice. I am talking about MY decisions for my own investment portfolio, which are reflective of MY goals, MY risk tolerance and MY preferences. For personalised advice,
please consult a financial planner
.

First up, I’m alright

Losing money sucks, but before I lost 60% within 9 months, my investment portfolio has gained xxxx% in 10+ years. So while I may complain about losing money, I’m still way ahead than when I first started out.

Here I’d like to thank my friend
Adam
 for sharing the image below with me, because this is the most accurate representation of my situation right now.

My pain level is tolerable

On scale of 1-10, with 1 being lalala not affected at all, what bear market? and 10 being maximum pain, hugging crying myself to sleep, my pain level is around… 4.

This is due to two main reasons, namely:

The fact that I have a healthy amount of savings, and
The fact that I can still earn money

If I didn’t have savings nor work, my pain level would be higher. All my risky investments – crypto, stocks (via unit trust/mutual funds/ diversified portfolios in roboadvisors) are play money, not survival money.

The truth is I should have rebalanced my portfolio, but…

Rebalancing portfolio is easy in theory but hard in practice

Here’s an oversimplification of ‘rebalancing portfolio’:

Say you have RM50,000, and your monthly commitments add up to RM3,000 per month
You set aside
6 months’ worth of savings
 or RM18,000 in savings instruments*. You NEVER touch this money if you can help it. You don’t have/paid off credit card and personal loan debt
For the remaining RM32,000, you allocate
90-99% in
long-term investments
 that suit your risk appetite
and
1-10% in a fun investment of your choice
 (stocks-trading, crypto, forex, whatever that gives you the doki doki)
You got lucky!
Your fun investment 10x-ed
! You turned RM3,200 into RM32,000!
(P/s – It could also go the other way, and your fun investment goes down to zero)

* ASB, Tabung Haji, cash management accounts (Versa Asia,
Stashaway Simple
,
KDI Save
, Touch N Go Go+)

Now you have
RM64,000
 (initial RM32k + RM32k you 10x-ed). A disciplined person would rebalance their portfolio to
maintain the same 90/10 ratio
. Your new ‘play money’ amount is up to RM6400, not the whole RM32,000.

But here’s where it gets tricky.
Emotions will take over.
I know I should rebalance, you thought, but what if I can pull it off again?
Why 10x just RM6400, when I can 10x the RM32,000?

This is what’s happening to me. I
 have the ‘what if’ syndrome,
 big time. No doubt about it.

The ‘what if’ syndrome

Do you have the ‘what if’ syndrome as well? You might, if you have said any of these things:

I should have bought earlier
I should have sold at the time
I should have kept it
I should have bought more

You see, my previous experience in selling some of my bitcoin years ago, when it was in the 4-digit range is STILL haunting me to this day. I wish I didn’t sell, I wish I kept it.

And this is what’s stopping me from taking profit during the bull market and rebalancing.
I didn’t want to feel regret again
.

And the thing is, you could be educated in financial planning and still be afflicted with the ‘what if’ syndrome.
Roshan Kanesan
 (previously Ringgit & Sense at BFM Radio, now Senior Financial Planner at RinggitPlus) also talked about it.

I had
$Zoom
 at $110, sold it at $152, now it’s $420.
I’m not complaining, 38% is a great return. What I am is disappointed in myself.
When I bought Zoom, I meant it as a long term investment, something that could potential 10x. (1/n)
https://t.co/E7UkrMgqz7
— Roshan Kanesan, CFP (@RoshanKanesan)
September 3, 2020

(P/s – Btw at the time of writing, $Zoom is back at $110 per share)

As for me, I freaking took and completed all four
Certified Financial Planner modules
 myself, so it’s not like I don’t know what I should
rationally
 do.

However,

I don’t regret it

It hurts, but I don’t regret not rebalancing my portfolio even if it fell by 60%.

The thing is, I am 34 years old. My investments are mostly comprised of high-risk investments: crypto, unit trust and roboadvisors (Aggressive portfolios). The way I see it, I
only have a few more short years to be a high risk investor before I have to shift into a more moderate style of investing
. If not now, when kind of thing.

I’m not pulling this out of thin air. This is the basis of the
asset allocation rule
 (actually more of a guideline than a rule), which states that the younger you are, the more risk you can take with your investment portfolio.

(Although admittedly, I am taking more risk than I should. Do as I say, not as I do kids)

And secondly, and this is my opinion, I
 like that my portfolio is bitcoin-heavy.
 Volatility is the price I pay for a global asset that is permissionless by design and promotes self-autonomy.

You see, Bitcoin isn’t just an investment for me, it is an ideology. For better or for worse, my conviction is strong. It’ll take a few decades to know if I’m on the right or wrong side of history 🙂

I know I'm in too deep and beyond saving because I truly believe in the fundamentals. Don't sink with me 🤠
https://t.co/xqVz3N0A8c
— Suraya | suraya.eth (@surayaror)
June 13, 2022

For now, I’ll ride it out

For now, until I learn how to manage/overcome my ‘what if’ syndrome, and until/if I lose trust in Bitcoin, my main strategy is earn more. I can’t control the market, but I CAN control my income. The more effort I put in, the more I’ll earn.

Either way, live and learn. The good thing is I’m still young and have a lot of working years left. I have time to rebuild wealth, and I’m not starting from zero.

As for the pain? Meh, I’ll get over it; this is one of the many bear cycles I’ll experience in my lifetime. Might as well get used to it.

I know that many of my readers also experience investment losses at this time. I can’t offer any advice (not qualified), but just know that psychologically speaking, the human brain is wired to amplify losses more than gains.

All we can do is acknowledge these feelings, learn how we react to it (do you panic sell? do you stay the course and continue monthly investment?) and hopefully be better investors from here onwards.

Thanks for reading this post of mine. Let me know how your portfolio is doing, and what you plan to do.

For those of you who are made of stronger stuff than I am and ready to seek professional advice to get the best possible course of action instead of hoping everything will work out, go ahead and hire a
financial planner
. All the best 🙂


[Personal] How it feels like to constantly obsess over money

To say that I think about money a lot is an understatement.

I write about money – it’s my income. I work in the finance sector – it’s my career.

I log, track, and record all my expenses – all of it – and present it every month to you guys in my monthly spending updates. I get anxious when I can’t log all my receipts or update my business bookkeeping. I check into each of my online banking accounts at least a few times a week, making sure I have enough, making sure I carry no outstanding balance on my credit card.

I think about how to decrease my expenses, how to save more money, how to generate more income, how to be wealthy and strategies and pros and cons… daily. I try to remember everything I learn about money, consciously or unconsciously. Anything I can find that relates to money, I put them in a drawer in my brain. I can only imagine how the pile looks like now.

I’m exhausted.

No wonder I’m drawn to this book, called
‘Emotional Currency: A Woman’s Guide to Building Healthy Relationship with Money
‘ by Kate Levinson, PhD. I’m reading this now, and some points hit hard. Way hard. Why do I obsess over money, constantly? What’s the underlying reason for this? The book helps me to unpackage this question, bit by bit. I want to share a bit of what I learned.

It’s partly a control issue

We hear about women and men with eating problems. Some of them say, “This, I can control. The rest, I can’t.” We only control what we think we can control.

Is my obsession over my personal finance is at least, partly, a control issue?

Perhaps. This is still something I’m trying to find out. I thought I’m in control of my life. The only thing I can think of right now is my ongoing struggle with weight (which is a lot under control now, so that doesn’t make sense).

I don’t know how much is ‘enough’

I don’t have a number that I want to reach. I just know I want ‘more’ in my bank account.

There are just so many uncertainties in life. As of now, I’m worrying about the care of my ageing parents. I want to give them the best of everything during their old age – anything below that, I will perceive it as a personal failure. I want to sponsor their hajj. I want to take them travelling. I want enough money to donate to charities of their choice.

How much is enough for myself? I have no freaking clue. My plans are flexible.

So my feelings of ‘not having enough’ is less about me and more about my parents, for now. I know I should find out and calculate and estimate the cost of their retirement and old-age care, but it’s a depressing subject that I’m pushing back. I’m in denial of their mortality.

I feel guilty about treating myself

This is something I already know. I was brought up in an environment where guilt was emphasised. Muslims will know what I mean. ‘You should feel guilty if you are not thankful to Allah’. ‘You should feel ashamed to want more than you need.’ You should be embarrassed that you have received this much in life but don’t contribute back in return.’

It took me a long time (and moving away from my family house, if I’m honest) to recognise this. It’s not a bad thing to want more for yourself, to want to achieve bigger things in life. But I still compensate by denying myself things I want.

This extends to a few things that logically, don’t make sense. Weirdly, I see bags, clothes and furniture as ‘non-essential’ so I rarely buy them unless they were thrifted. Most of my bags now are gifts and hand-me-downs. My sisters sometimes gift me clothes because they feel sorry for me (and they can’t take the lack of fashion sense, I guess). I ‘make do’ with furniture a lot – I can still sit on the floor, so why not? It’s ridiculous.

(Don’t worry, I do have basic furniture and don’t actually eat on the floor. Knowing this I always rent places that are already fully-furnished).

I can count the times I bought something for myself ‘for fun’. I can only justify practical purchases, not ‘unnecessary’ ones.

Money decides the quality of my experiences

When I eat out, and scan the menu, I always look at the price first then look at the food item.

When I go shopping for clothes (when I need to), I tell myself not to look at the full-priced items in case I’ll fall in love with it and get it.

Even when I buy groceries, I have the tendency to pick cheap items hoping that I’ll like them. I’m not as bad with this now – I get better quality stuff now that I’m on keto and eliminated carb stuff – but I used to buy like, a pack of 10 supermarket doughnuts just because the cost of each doughnut was cheap. The same money could have bought me a smaller amount of higher-quality dessert with much less calorie count.

Isn’t this… stupid? I try to be mindful of this, but it’s a process.

Money affects my social interactions

This makes me sad the most. I’d bail out on social activities simply because I was unwilling to spend the money to meet my friends. In my head, not going out = save money.

I have much less social invitations than before. Much less involved in major events of my friends’ lives. Less deep connections with people I care about. I have more ‘situational friends’ (from work, for example) than relationships cultivated on purpose.

A part of me selfishly credits this ‘self-sacrifice’ as one of the reasons why I’m doing financially well now. But at what cost, if I’m lonely half the time?

I feel sorry for men

Most men grow up with the expectation to carry their family’s financial burden. They’re supposed to provide, to be the one who takes care of finances, to be self-sufficient.

That must be a lot of pressure.

When I was in my teens, I met a Finnish girl who mentioned she wanted a househusband. I remember laughing because I thought it was ridiculous –
of course
 the man has to work, that’s his job! It’s not as funny now.

If say right now, I have a partner who doesn’t work. I provide and pay for every expense, every bill. I’d feel… angry. Bitter. Annoyed. Taken advantage of.

(I’m taking unpaid labour like housework, childcare and elderly care out of the picture here, and assume both parties contribute equally. Although statistically women still do a larger chunk of the share.)

So yeah. Sorry you had to grow up with that pressure, men.

I’m proud of women

I’m proud that women’s economic independence from men is a norm in this country. Women earn their own keep. Divorce rates are rising, which signals women’s readiness to leave abusive partners (note: I am not pro-divorce, I am anti-abuse).

On the other hand, I have to admit that I’m frustrated by the role of religion when it comes to women’s economic empowerment. It’s like its there to keep us controlled. I’ve been told (mostly by women):

I have to get permission from my husband to work

I am to be given away in marriage by my father, brother or male relatives. Like a goat.

This whole romanticism of Arab culture in general, which includes romanticising male guardianship and ‘love after marriage’

Serving my husband takes priority over everything else.

‘Let him lead you’. That makes me feel weak and useless, because of my gender. Even if I was the most accomplished woman in the world.

Money is freedom to me, and these traditional beliefs seem to chip away that freedom. What if I fall in love and lose that freedom? It’s a big sacrifice I don’t know I want to take. I told this to a female relative, and she said:

“Islam says wives should obey the husbands. Who are we to question that. There’s a silver lining only Allah knows. The Prophet encourages us to marry. If you are against marriage you are against the Prophet. People against the Prophet will go straight to Hell.”

????!!!!

That went from 0-100 really quick, didn’t it? Islam is truly binary sometimes. She made it sound like I’m an infidel for just asking.

I want my money to be used for good

Of course, who doesn’t.

And I resent that I have to pay zakat, because I don’t agree with everything they do.

Is there a way to pay zakat and still get tax benefits and not have it go to JAIS or JAKIM?

EDIT: Yes, you can. See:
33 Thoughts on Paying Zakat in Malaysia

Money is my security blanket, my last layer of defence

If I’m ever rejected by a partner, or my family, I know I’ll be destroyed emotionally, but I’ll still be able to find my own shelter and food.

If I’m ever chased by the authorities for something stupid, or can’t live in this country anymore, that’s how I’ll run away. Migrate.

If I ever get too overwhelmed and just need to disappear, that’s how I will just ‘take off’ and just start over somewhere new.

Having in-case money for each of these scenarios are very important for me. It’s the fear of being trapped or caught without Plan B. Money is my Plan B. I feel safe with a Plan B.

Conclusion

How we interact with money is driven by our emotions. To not think of how we feel when it comes to our finances is counter-productive.

In the book, the author wrote this:

“The rational approach to money certainly has its place, but if dealing with money was simply a rational act and if a dollar was just a dollar, we wouldn’t worry so much about it, and we certainly wouldn’t spend more money than we have. Obviously, it’s more complicated than that, and the rational approach is insufficient for truly understanding our relationship to money.”

My relationship with money is complicated, sad, exciting, safe, liberating. There’s nothing wrong with the negatives, I just have to acknowledge it and progress towards making it less negative.

How’s your relationship with money? What does it mean to you? Is it as complicated as mine, and in what way? What can you relate to, and what emotions do you additionally attach to money?

I highly suggest this book if you want to explore more about your money behaviour. You’d benefit from it, like I did. We’re really not as rational as we thought. Our subconscious drives our conscious state all the time.

If you can’t find the book, or not in the position to buy it, you can check out
this emotions page
and see if you can relate to any of them.

 source: mandyoneill.net

It could be emotions towards yourself, towards friends, families, even to things. You don’t have to collect all emotions, just the major ones. Then you can also think of the smaller emotions. For example, for me, I also feel pride in my money accomplishments, as well as shame and envy that I’m not doing better as compared to other people. It can be contradicting; humans are complicated.

Hope you enjoyed this highly personal post. I feel stripped. Bye for now, I need to recover.


21 Totally Random Personal Finance Confessions

Recently I saw a Twitter thread on bad personal finance confessions and I must say I love it! It’s so nice when personal finance gurus admit that they’re not perfect themselves. We all do things that are not necessarily good or ‘optimal’ for our money!

Bad personal finance person confessions:

I don’t travel hack

I don’t chase credit card bonuses

What’s your confession? I won’t tell anyone (except you’ll tell Twitter…)
pic.twitter.com/IJDtwkJNP5

— Chief Mom Officer (@LizOfficer)
February 28, 2019

So I wrote a list of *my* bad personal finance confessions and it came up to, uh, quite a few. Some were not ‘bad’ per say, just random, so that’s what I’m calling it. Here there are – don’t judge me too much!

1. I pay RM20 per month for air-con despite almost never using aircon. That’s the condition set by the management at this SOHO I’m staying at. I’ve stayed here for about 3 years now. 36 months x RM20 = RM720 in air-con bills paid for nothing.

2. When I was younger, I thought ‘TO LET’ signs they hung at houses were actually ‘TOILET’ signs but with missing ‘I’s. For a while I wondered why many homeowners didn’t know how to spell.

3. I don’t really budget. I track my expenses instead. Related:
How Expense Tracking Looks Like (As Someone Who Doesn’t Budget)

4. I will spend extra money to make the more ethical purchase… but not much more. For example, during my recent trip to Luang Prabang, I bought a mass-produced bag for RM25 instead of a hand-woven, support-local-women-and-traditional-crafts option for RM400. I wish my pocket is as deep as my conscience 🙁

5. It’s only recently that I allowed myself the ‘luxury’ of owning paperback/physical books, after deliberating to go digital for a while (for financial and environmental reasons). It feels good!

6. This might ruffle some feathers and I know that everyone have their own way to express themselves but… I wish we didn’t have to depend on fashion to show the world what type of person we are. It’s just a really wasteful industry. Related:
How the Fashion Industry Makes Money (Credit: Fashion Babylon)

7. I have ruined two perfectly good fridges by accidentally poking holes in the freezer when I was chipping away the ice with sharp tools. Yes that was a stupid thing to do yes shame on me for not learning from experience yes I should have let the ice thaw first. Believe me, I felt like the biggest moron in the world the second time it happened.

8. I still don’t know if I want kids or not and a big part of that is due to how much they’ll cost (financially, emotionally and physically). I mean, if I’m going to have them, I want to be sure, you know? I don’t want to have kids ‘just in case’.

9. I’ve never set foot in a luxury store. I want to say I don’t desire anything from there (and that’s mostly true) but actually I’m just intimidated by the shop assistant, who dresses a lot better than I do.

10. Meal-prepping doesn’t really work for me because instead of having enough food to last for 1 week, I’d just eat them all in two days because I have no self-control.

11. *cries in fat*

12. Once, while getting my hair cut, the hairdresser said that people have paid a lot of money to get their hair the exact shade of mine. That was years back but the compliment still made me happy until now. This makes me feel hella vain but oh well.

13. I have lost money in investing too. Related:
3 Investments Where I Lost All of My Money

14. I
think
 know that insurance in Malaysia is 100% overpriced.

15.  I don’t play half the games I bought in Steam

16. Re:
9 Things in My Financial To-Do List (That I Keep Putting Off..)
 As of writing time, I’m STILL putting most of them off.

17. I’m a liiiiitle bit paranoid that Spotify will find out the people I added in my Spotify Family Plan aren’t my actual family members. Please don’t cut me off if you find out Spotify Ily. Related:
3 Ways to Get Cheaper Spotify Premium in Malaysia

18. I don’t know what derivatives mean and by this point I’m too scared to ask.

19. Something that can ruin my mood for
weeks
: if I bought something then find out it was sold for cheaper somewhere else.

20. Some months I’d spend more than I earn but I feel zero guilt over it. All I can say it, emergency savings is a wonderful thing.

21. I was told that I can be *too* frugal? I don’t know how I feel about it – it’s a mix of pride and also shame. Either way, for the most part I really am genuinely happy with the way I live my life, so… Related:
5 Downsides of Being Frugal

What’s your personal finance confessions?

Tell me the worse, randomest personal finance confession you have. Submit it anonymously if you want. It feels pretty good to let them off your chest 🙂


[PERSONAL] 7 Mind-Blowing Concepts That Shaped My Personal Finance Mindset

Correction: 7 concepts that I can think of *now*.

Sometimes, abstract concepts float around in my head, and once in a while I’d catch it with a metaphorical net and write it down in a jumble of intelligible notes, until I come across the exact literature that describes what the concept is.

The mind-blowing part comes from ‘oh wow, someone articulated this before, this is exactly it’ (slightly compounded if the writer already passed away, and I feel like I’m communicating with the dead), and my only hope here is to share it with you, in the hopes that these concepts appeared to you abstractly as well, and finally you know the name or term for it.

Let’s start.

#1 – Permission habit

We learned the permission habit in school, all of us. We were rewarded for waiting for permissions and instructions.

Life doesn’t work like that.

It took me a while to realise that I could just *do something I want to do* instead of asking *if* I was allowed to do it. Obviously I’ll need to do my basic due diligence and apply a good dash of common sense, but wow this was a game changer.

After unlearning this habit, I felt much freer. When making a decision, I’ll push through every single ‘is it okay to…’ thoughts in my head, and tell myself back ‘why cannot’.

In short, I want to get used to thinking of the possibilities instead of the restrictions. I don’t want to let others dictate the limits of my abilities. What’s the point of having money, which is supposed to be freedom, if I have invisible shackles limiting my decisions?

#2 – The world isn’t binary

Right is right, and wrong is wrong, right? Not really. There’s a bit of wrong in every right, and a bit of right in every wrong.

(Stay with me here)

This means… instead of thinking of the world as black and white, think of it as more to shades of grey. Everything has drawbacks, and you should know in what ways it is harmful.

Therefore, don’t be blindly loyal. To an investment. To a leader. To a political party. To a brand. To an ideology.

To a religion.

Drop ya pitchforks, let me expand on that.

#3 – Doublethink

I learned the concept of doublethink in George Orwell’s book, 1984. Here’s a definition:

And it is a necessary concept to understand, to just, Idk, make sense of the world and not go bat-shit crazy over its idiosyncrasies.

For example, I *have* to accept that there are violent and misogynistic aspects in my religion (by modern standards; this is a fact), AND choose to remain in it for its spiritual and communal benefits. Doublethink.

And I *have* to accept that capitalism in its purest form promotes the destruction of Earth and killing of humans, AND admit it is the most efficient form of economic system. Doublethink.

#4 – Western superiority

I’m ashamed to admit this, but young Suraya fantasised of marrying some Orang Puteh. I’ve consumed mostly Western content since a young age, so you’d understand how all these would have cemented the ‘West is Best’ narrative, right?

It is only after I learned about the history of other civilisations, that I found out that (1) hey, the East has all this amazing knowledge and culture too, and (2) why the hell are MY amazing culture are reduced to caricatures and negative stereotypes?

Therefore, while I’m still not perfect at this as I’m still unlearning the narrative of Western superiority, I have been more intentional to
the person
 who said a particular fact or opinion. Are people praising her/him
because
 they are (fair-skinned) Westerners, or
 is what they’re saying actually makes sense
?

It’s sad when we overly glorify some white dude when he’s mediocre at best, and avoid our local talents and expertise. You and I know of some MNCs that hire Westerners in top management. In China, they even have a
‘rent a foreigner’ industry
, where companies can give the ‘impression’ that they are a global company.

Closer to home, it is also sad when we benchmark ‘city-living’ as progress and shove it down the Orang Asal, who may benchmark their idea of progress to something completely different.

#5 – Care work is so freaking valuable

As long as tasks utilising ‘traditionally feminine’ skillsets are valued and compensated less in the workplace, and
care work
 (housework, childcare and elderly care) is almost always the ‘woman’s job’ to sort out, gender wage gap will always exist.

One solution is to normalise paying fair rates for care work.

Don’t say mahal 🙂 this is the value of care work that people expect women do for free 🙂
https://t.co/vJEsLFOjZL

— Suraya ringgitohringgit.com (@surayaror)
August 10, 2020

#6 – Self-determination vs the environment

Yes to self-
determination
, but the environment you’re in is pretty damn important too. The person living in poverty is more concerned with their next meal, rather than learning coding skills for 6 months so they could get a job. Let’s just be real and admit that rags-to-riches, against-all-odds Jack Ma-type situation is the exception, not the norm.

Pro-capitalists forget this. They’d say, if ONLY you work hard enough, you can do it too, it’s just a matter of how BADLY you want it. Failed? IT MUST MEAN YOU DON’T WANT IT BADLY ENOUGH.

Slap you one time. No critical thinking skills. Cannot think or empathise for other people, only think of themselves.

#7 – ‘If I’m rich’ fantasy

What I mean here is the tendency to delay good deeds to future, more abundant you, if or when that comes. It’s being stuck in the ‘only rich people can solve problems’ mindset. That’s toxic AF.

Also how confident am I that I’ll be the type of rich person that helps people? I know I can be stingy – I’ve scrolled past more donation calls in my social media timeline than I can count.

I AM GUILTY OF THIS. I am still unlearning this. Still working it out, but I love @sirennextdoor advice here.

She’s right. If I’m not the type of person to donate RM1 regularly when I have a little, then I’m not the type of person to donate RM1000 regularly when I have a lot.

Final Words

Did any of the concepts above relate to you in any way? Which ones? What mind-blowing concepts did YOU learn recently? As always, share your thought in the comments section. I love reading your comments, they give me so much joy and new perspectives.

Lastly, some real talk. I hope that you like this aspect of personal finance too. I’m not just hoping for growth in
my investment portfolio
 (although ngl that’ll be sweet), but also growth in mindset and as a person. Some of you have been following RoR for over 5 years – I can only *hope* I changed for the better, because it would suck if my development remained stagnant since then.

Until next time, xoxo

Related:
[Personal] 5 Things I Learned in my 20s: Advice I’d Give to My Younger Self


The Raya Experience – What It’s Like

It occurred to me that some of my friends probably don’t know what Malay people do at kampung during Raya. So I collated my Raya experience, hope you guys find this interesting! I know I get curious about what people do during Chinese New Year, Deepavali, and other festivities too 🙂

Let’s start from Day 0 – the day before Raya.

Note:
This was originally written and posted on my personal FB page in 2015
.

The Raya Experience – Day 0

Raya for us is kampung, my grandmother’s house (on my Mum’s side).

Balik kampung
 is the start of our Raya experience. Every year, without fail we will have a conversation about traffic jams. Avoiding traffic jam, thinking of people stuck in traffic jam, theorising when jams will subside, thinking of possible jam solutions, or (if we’re lucky) commenting about the lack of traffic jam. However, we have it good – our kampung is not that far at all. It takes just 2.5-3.5 hours to reach, depending on the traffic.

My family likes to use the ‘village roads’ instead of the highway. Firstly, less traffic jam. Secondly, we get to check out and buy last-minute foodstuff. Two years ago we stopped at 5 different lemang stalls. Last year we got meat and smoked meat (daging salai). This year we were under strict instructions not to buy anything else so we didn’t stop.

After arrived at kampung
: say hey and salam everyone. Depending on whether manpower is needed, we might have to start work straight away. My family is orang nogori (Minangkabau*), so our Raya menu will always include gulai rendang. Omg I know I’m biased but our gulai is soooo good – the santan/coconut milk came from our own coconut trees. These are also staples: ribs soup, asam laksa, kuah kacang, tapai, etc. Traditions also change – when I was younger, we used to make ketupat, dodol and lemang from scratch.

*Minangkabau – a subset of Malay ancestry. I don’t know much about it, but I do know we are uniquely matrilineal, which is rare. This means that inheritances are passed to daughters, and men will marry ‘into’ our families instead of the other way around. We don’t follow it strictly, but the elders do observe it.

My kampung is nice because we have a lot of fruit trees behind the house. Last year was durian season, so we literally had more durian than we can eat. My grandmother sometimes turned the leftover durian into tempoyak (something I’ve yet to try actually). We also have yellow rambutans, coconut trees and ciku.

The last meal to break fast is usually a lively affair. We reunite with relatives and catch up. My family is relatively small (only ~20 of us), so you can imagine the bigger families.

After dinner, we turn on the TV to hear the
Raya announcement and takbir Raya
. If there are small children, we’d take out the bunga api or small fireworks to entertain them. Some of us will watch TV. Last year, there was a show about a poor but pious man who faced a lot of life challenges and ended up dying in the mosque. I enjoyed it, but ya the nice Chinese boss had to convert to Islam at the end of it – can’t Malay shows give a positive portrayal of people from other faiths without them joining Islam as the ultimate ending? *shakes head*

We also had a group of orang masjid who came over at about 11pm to recite some prayers. We fed them tapai pulut – something my relatives always bring over. Speaking of which, I’m told that tapai is technically alcoholic, since it’s fermented (very very very small %)? This is the one that’s will turn into tuak, right? I have no idea, but it tastes good.

At night,
 after the work and cooking are done, we just hang out – the best of us will start ironing their Raya clothes (not me). Some will have their second/third dinner (me). Some will munch on Raya cookies (me). Some will be glued to TV. Some will have slept- long day.

Throughout the night, you can hear fireworks and mercun sounds – it’s like a friendly competition, whoever’s is brighter and louder, wins. When I was younger, I heard more meriam buluh (bamboo cannon?) sounds. We also heard a lot more ‘anak so-and-so lost their fingers’ stories 0_0

The Raya Experience – Day 1

This is what Hari Raya is like for Malay people at kampung.

The day usually starts early –
Raya prayers
 start at 9am, so you have to arrive at the mosque by 8:30 to get good seats. Before that, you have to eat (it’s forbidden to fast on Hari Raya), bathe (sunat ie extra pahala if you do it) and dress in your Raya best.

For me, it’s usually easy to wake up because it’s so noisy -_- Everyone wakes everyone up and we fight to use the toilet and ironing board. Someone will be yelling for someone to hurry up, but it’s all in good banter.

So we all go to the local kampung mosque, pray (some kid will cry in the middle of prayers), and listen to the Raya sermon. Last year the topic was about how Malaysians are arbitrarily practising different types of Islam besides Sunni Islam and it shouldn’t be encouraged because it would break up the ummah (Muslim community). I don’t agree, but hey you just listen. This year it’s about the terror that is ISIS. I remember previous Raya sermon topics – remembering Muslims celebrating Eid while their countries are in conflict, how we should mourn Ramadan month as it was spiritually rewarding, etc.

They also asked the congregation if anyone wants to donate aircon to the mosque :/

After that, we wish each other (the kampung folk) Selamat Hari Raya as we leave. I didn’t grow up in kampung, so I barely know anyone – I’m always the ‘cucu Induk yang pergi Jepun dulu tu’ (translated: ‘Induk’s granddaughter who went to Japan’) (Induk is my grandmother). I smile as I get more ‘when are you going to get married’ questions… Well, you’re supposed to forgive anyone and anything…

Back from mosque at about 10am, that’s when we take our Raya pictures, salam our elders, give/receive Raya packets and eat some more.

In fact, the rest of the day is a
nonstop makan fest
. When not eating, you’re digesting before you eat some more. Some of us would go visit our relatives and friends, some of us will be on house duty. House duty means to help top up the Raya cookies jars, make drinks, wash dishes.

When we
visit friends and relatives
, we get to sample different dishes. Different Malay families would have their own Raya specialities. I’ve been served anything from laksa to mee kari to Nasi dagang – anything goes. Some serve speciality kuih or desserts (ours is tapai). It really depends.

Naturally, the TV will stay on all day. At some point, Siti Nurhaliza will serenade us. Malay dramas will have a lot of people dying and a lot of people repenting (like usual, but with – plot twist – a Raya theme). The news will report accidents and stories of Muslims celebrating outside of Malaysia.

This is my Raya experience on Day 1, more or less

The Raya Experience – Day 2

Day 2 Raya depends on your marital status, usually. If married, you might go off to visit the family of your other half. You may even leave as soon as the night of Raya Day 1. If you’re not married, you stay on at your kampung.

The morning also starts early – you get ready in your practical Raya dress to
visit the graveyard
. My kampung, Simpang Pelangai is the final resting place for my parents’ firstborn (my eldest brother), my mum’s sister, and my grandmother’s parents.

At the graveyard, we recite prayers in a big group, then visit our family members’ graves. In all honesty, and I say this because I’ve visited other types of graveyards, Muslim graveyards tend to be less…tended. It’s sad to see overgrown bushes until it’s hard to find the markers. When I die, I will probably be buried here. Selfishly, until that happens, I hope things will change.

After that, you go home.  You’re encouraged to shower right away – they say ‘just in case anything follows you’ which is creepy as hell.

After that, it’s free time. The majority of our family members leave to visit relatives who live further away. The strategy is to divide and conquer – one car/family go a few places and families on behalf of everyone else. What I don’t understand is, why they almost never call beforehand because sometimes, they would return home disappointed because the other party is not at home!

This year I visited some family members from my Dad’s side, who I don’t know that well. Some Rayas, we’d have a small tahlil gathering – recite prayers dedicated to our family members who have left us.

Here’s to future Raya experiences

I used to take kampungs for granted until I realised how much of a privilege it is to be part of it. My kampung is getting more and more developed. There’s a 7-11 here now! When I was younger, I had more kampung experiences like: chasing away stray goats that entered our compound, falling asleep to sound of rain hitting the zinc roof (it’s been replaced with roof tiles), going to the primitive toilet outside the house, bathing in the cold well water… Things like that.

Ending this post with Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin – forgive me for anything bad that I’ve done. Thanks for following my financial journey as well as the support you gave me. Love you guys.

Edit: The pandemic has obviously changed everyone’s Raya experience. But aside from that. On 9 July 2018, my grandmother passed on, which meant our Raya experience has never been the same since. Please recite AlFatihah and prayers to Hajah Kamariah binti Sidek. We miss her very much.


How Much Was My Raya Spending in 2017? Exactly RM2,095

Selamat Hari Raya! Please forgive my many, many mistakes so far ye tengkiu lapchu.

I’ve written a couple of blogposts about Raya so far, namely:

The Raya Experience; What It’s Like

My Raya 2016 Budget Checklist (What’s Yours?)

But I’ve never written a post-Raya spending post-mortem, so that’s what I’m going to do. 2017 was my first Raya where money wasn’t an issue, so I was curious how it compared to previous Raya spending experiences. This is what I spent on this year.

#1 – Baju Raya

Spent:
 RM150 on an outfit

This was a splurge purchase that ticked many feel-good boxes. It’s partly ‘eh why not I haven’t bought a new Raya outfit in years’, partly to finally own a normal-size baju raya (as opposed to plus size) and partly to support my sister’s business, especially after she just made a tiny human. (To everyone confused, a baby. She made a baby.)

It’s a practical outfit, too – can be mixed and matched with my existing wardrobe. Got the below in grey/blue. For second day of Hari Raya, I borrowed a regular top and skirt from my mum. RM0. It’s just to wear to the graveyard, the dead don’t want no fashion show.

I still maintain that all this ‘it’s sunat to buy new Raya outfit every year’ is kinda bullshit and repeated to justify our consumerist culture. It’s OK if it’s the only new outfit you get all year, but for most of us, it’s not.
The justification for this opinion is in this post:
My Raya 2016 Budget Checklist (What’s Yours?)

Siderant:
During Raya, saw a TV show that glorified a local celebrity’s over-the-top baju raya spending. She got over 100 pairs! I mean, your money, do what you want and all, but I can’t help but to judge. I hated that it was promoted as her measure of success, it brings the wrong message. Idk, what do you guys think?

#2 – Kuih Raya

Spent
: RM132 for 4 boxes of pineapple tart

Set myself a budget of RM150 for Raya cookies. Ex-colleague sells pineapple tarts. Asked how much I can get for RM150. 4 boxes. Includes delivery. Done.

#3 – Duit raya

Spent
: RM1480

I gave duit raya to close family members, but the bulk of it went, to put simply, to people who took care of me and wiped my shit when I was a baby. I appreciate that, after my recent encounter with fresh baby shit. Wtf it’s so yellow why is it so yellow.

Duit raya has a subtle message, too, when given to people who took care of me. It says, Mum, look, I earn enough to take care of myself and you as well. I think that’s why it’s expected for Malay people to give out duit raya when they start working, regardless of marital status.

Found this gem of a comic strip from the HXSM page. Made me lol. For those celebrating Deepavali, don’t complain too much. This means you’re not obligated to give out money when you’re older as well!

https://www.facebook.com/hxsmlah/photos/a.746843495458052.1073741829.746827632126305/969432766532456/?type=3

#4 – Ramadan bazaar food

Spent
: RM43

Added because I bought them in Raya spirit. Can lah. Went 3 times – twice at the USJ4 one, once at the Shah Alam one. Both were great.

I got:

Apam balik chocolate chip (10/10 would recommend)

Apam balik pandan pulut hitam (meh)

Gulai ikan keli salai (9/10) with white rice

Putu piring

Honey wings

Probably the best kuey teow goreng basah in my life. Kicking myself for not remembering the name of the booth. I’m going to seek them out next Ramadan

And other bits and pieces not memorable enough to include here, sadly. No food poisoning so I’m thankful though

#5 – Travel to kampung

Spent
: RM100

Contributed and topped up the Touch N Go card for the family carpool. The cost is low if compared to everyone else’s flight/train/bus/car rental costs.

Sidenote: Loved Uber and Grab’s many promotions during Ramadan. It was amazing.

#6 – Misc donations

Spent
: RM190

For mom’s gardening fees and tip to that KFC Malay cashier guy worked on the second day of Hari Raya. He was friendly and helpful despite the long lines and big orders. People like that, with great work attitude, will go far.  I mean when was the last time your fast food cashier impressed you?

Total raya spending in 2017: RM2,095

Conclusion

As compared to previous Raya spending, I notice that I’m beginning to value convenience a lot. For example, if baju raya or kuih raya didn’t include delivery, I’m not buying it. I didn’t have the motivation to go out of my way to get it.

With food, I mostly still cooked at home to save money. For bazaar food, I didn’t let much go to waste. The only thing I threw away after a few bites was the apam balik pandan pulut hitam, and only because I didn’t realise it was pandan flavouring. I mean I like pandan but hate pandan flavouring. The same way I like fresh peach but hate peach flavouring. You probably have this quirk too for other flavours. Don’t lie.

Well, that’s it for my raya spending post-mortem. How much did you spend for yours? Anything you wished you spent more/less on?