I Spent RM5,247.09 for My Malay Wedding (Checklist Kahwin Included)

My checklist kahwin was perfect – I thought of everything.

Then the pandemic and MCO happened so my Malay wedding plans all went whack lol.

This post is a follow-up to the
Wedding Planning During Covid-19: How Plans & Budgets Changed
article, where I shared how our wedding plans changed over and over (and over) again during the course of the pandemic in 2020.

Now that everything is over, I can finally write this Malay wedding budget breakdown article. Yes yes I see your requests 😛

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A post shared by Suraya Zainudin (@surayaror)

Checklist Kahwin: What I Planned to Spend On

From my research, a ‘standard’ checklist kahwin for a Malay wedding comprises:

Paperwork
: Kursus Kahwin, HIV test, Photocopies for documents
Nikah Outfit
: Baju pengantin, Veil, Shoes, Accessories, Hand bouquet
Reception Outfit
: Baju pengantin, Veil, Shoes, Accessories, Hand bouquet
Bridal Services
: Makeup artist, Hair styling, Veil styling, Henna artist
Groom
: Mas kahwin, Duit hantaran
Event services (Nikah):
Venue, Food Catering, Dessert Catering, Photographer, Videographer
Event services (Reception):
Venue, Food Catering, Dessert Catering, Photographer, Videographer
Bride & groom:
Wedding rings, Wedding cake, Makan beradab set, Honeymoon
Family members:
Matching outfits, transportation costs
Decoration
: Pelamin Nikah, Pelamin Sanding (Reception), Flowers
Tradition
: Bunga pahar/ bunga telur, Set renjis, Dulang hantaran
Entertainment
: Music show, Silat show, Emcee, Photo Booth, Kompang, PA system
Guests
: Kad kahwin, Door gifts

Source: I got one of those cute
kahwin planner notebooks
 on Shopee. Get it! It’s pretty useful for DIY Malay wedding planning process!

To pay for all/most of these costs, I originally budgeted RM70,000-RM90,000 in our budget kahwin, broken down like so:

RM35,000-RM45,000 from my side, and
RM35,000-RM45,000 from his side, plus
An extra RM7,000-RM9,000 or 10% set aside as contingency

(what can I say. Both our parents have a lot of friends)

What I Ended Up Spending on My Malay Wedding

 Actually, I spent a total of RM12,062.09 on my Malay wedding. This was an incredibly low amount, as far as Malay weddings go.

However, if you take out all the services that were cancelled due to MCO, then effectively I only spent
RM5,247.09
 for my Malay wedding. It became a total budget kahwin and nikah ceremony.

There were four reasons it costs so low, and
none of them
 have anything to do with my money management skills, and everything to do with the pandemic:

#1 – We had to cancel engagement AND reception events

Reason #1 why my wedding cost was so low is simply because we had to cancel both the engagement AND the reception events due to the pandemic. The former was
supposed
to be in July 2020 before cancelled due to MCO 1.0, and the latter was planned on November 2020
before
postponed to January 2021
before
cancelled due to MCO 2.0.

Naturally, because the events didn’t happen, the things we need to tick off from our checklist kahwin significantly reduced.

But just because the events didn’t happen, doesn’t mean no costs were incurred. We managed to get our deposit back for the engagement event, but I still spent:

RM4,150 for the
deposit at reception venue
,
RM2,000 for the
family’s reception outfits
,
RM415 for
wedding cards
 package (anyone know how I can repurpose or upcycle these cards?), and
RM250 for non-refundable deposit for
makeup artist

So that’s a total of
RM6,815
for unused items and services.

#2 – We had the nikah ceremony at my parent’s home

Event rental is one of the items in checklist kahwin. Therefore by having the nikah ceremony at home, the event venue cost became RM0 (even if I did spend RM6,230 for bridal room renovation, but that’s under Donations category not Wedding).

The decision to hold the nikah ceremony at home wasn’t intentional – it was just the most flexible option, considering the ever-changing nikah SOP at the time. We made the decision after giving up our original 14 November 2020 (Saturday) date by mid-October.

Thankfully, by late October JAIS gave us a nikah slot and we got married on Wednesday, 3pm on 25 November 2020 at JAIS office, before celebrating with close family at home.

… True story: the only reason why we got a nikah date in Nov (instead of Dec/Jan since only 5 couples is allowed per day) is because another couple dropped out and a slot opened up
Wonder what happened to them 😔
https://t.co/USxAFcsrJt
— Suraya | suraya.eth (@surayaror)
November 13, 2020

If you take out all the reception-that-didn’t-happen expenses in #1, effectively I only spent
RM5,247.09
 for my nikah ceremony (RM12,062.09 minus RM6,815).

Of this, I spent:

RM2000 (approx) on
dulang hantaran gifts
,
RM1000 on
catering
,
RM1000 for the
pelamin
,
RM450 for his
ring
,
RM469 for my
outfit
,
Approx RM100 for
required paperwork
 (RM50 for marriage course, RM1 for HIV test, etc)
And other odds and ends

P/s – In case you’re not familiar with Malay wedding – nikah ceremony is like ROM; we usually do it on the same day/weekend as the wedding reception

#3 – Received gifts and help from family and friends

I’ve always found it hard to
receive
 help, but throughout this whole process I reminded myself that many people get a lot of joy from helping (me too, tbh), so I let them cover part of the checklist kahwin.

Top of my head, I was gifted:

A
flower bouquet
 from my childhood friend (thank you Shukie!)
Photography and videography
 session from my wonderful family-in-law
Bridal accessories
 (shoes, white face mask, white shawl, jewellery, veil etc) from my mom and sisters
A
facial session
 one day before nikah day from my sister
A couple of
 hantaran gifts
from my and his family members
As well as countless hours of unpaid labour from family members throughout the planning process, including researching and hiring vendors on my behalf

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Their special touches made the day more special and eventful than I could ever imagine.

#4 – Bought ready-made and DIY-ed

Another thing that contributed to my low Malay wedding cost was the lack of custom-made items and personalised services.

Tbh, this was less of a cost-saving measure and primarily to limit close contact – I know I have cheap tendencies but I didn’t want to save money for the sake of saving money, especially not to the ailing and hard-hit wedding industry.

For my nikah event, I:

Bought
ready-made white dress
(cost: RM469 including scarf and heels) instead of custom-made wedding dress (RM1000++)
DIY-ed my
henna
 with inai celup (cost: RM28 including delivery) instead of hiring a henna artist (RM200++)
DIY-ed my
hairdo
– went to hair saloon to get a professional hair blow-drying session on the morning of the event instead of getting a hairdresser to come over (mostly because we couldn’t get one in time, but it turned out well, so hey)

Ngl I would have done my own makeup too (considering the close proximity), except that I know my makeup skills is practically non-existent, so a professional it is. Thankfully nothing happened.

How much was your Malay wedding?

So that’s it. Those are the 4 reasons why my Malay wedding costs so little. If I had the reception, it would have added a mere ~RM4k or so to the total, but alas it was not meant to happen. I’m okay with the cancellation, but I know my parents are disappointed so that makes me a little bit sad.

Can you share how much was your Malay wedding, all-in-all? Were you happy with how things went?

If, when you read this, we are still in a pandemic and you are planning to get married, my tips in
Wedding Planning During Covid-19: How Plans & Budgets Changed
 stands – (1) expect plans to change, and change often and (2) try not to make any large non-refundable deposits.

What would you add to that? If YOU are planning a Malay wedding, what’s your biggest challenge at the moment? Let me know in the comments section!

Related:
[PERSONAL] 5 Thoughts I Have About Marriage (and Money Management)


[PERSONAL] How Money Affects My Dating Life

Received a request to write about the topic of dating and money (thanks for the suggestion, Carrine Yap!)

This is an interesting topic for sure, something I haven’t done before. Rather than talking about how I manage finances in a relationship, I thought I’d go one step further and talk about how money affects my dating life.

First of all, a disclaimer. This is how money affects *my* dating life. I’m not telling anyone how *they* should date. I’m just saying, due to my background, privilege and money mindset, this is how I choose to go on dates and get into relationships.

So with that in mind, if you view yourself as a bit of a traditionalist or conservative, I ask you to skip this article altogether, or read with an open mind. Comments like ‘men should be the one to do X’ or ‘you should be more Y’ will be deleted.

*You* can do that, go ahead, nothing’s stopping you. You live your life, I’ll live mine. I don’t attack you, you don’t attack me. Fair right? 🙂

Dating and Money Approach #1 – Like money, personal relationships are private matter

I rarely – almost never, actually – mention my romantic partners in my articles and social media. It’s intentional. My approach to relationships is like how most people approach the subject of money: private. No one else needs to know the details.

(I admit this is a bad analogy for my particular situation because I’m actually super open about personal finance. But you get the drift)

I omitted the info out for a variety of reasons, some of which I won’t get into. But here’s one reason I can share: I thought my relationship status doesn’t matter, especially not in a
personal finance
 blog.

Joke’s on me, because the one and only time I posted about my dating life on Instagram, I found out y’all actually like this topic. I received a bunch of likes and comments. The request to write about the topic came from there.

While I’m happy keeping my personal life private, the popularity of that post made me think. Should I be more open about talking about relationships to get more interest for Ringgit Oh Ringgit?

The digital marketer in me feels like I should capitalise on the demand :/

Dating and Money Approach #2 – Money allows me to be a feminist in my dating life

The best part of being financially stable is the privilege to choose my partners. It’s thank u, next for those who don’t fulfil my requirements, no compromise. I don’t care if this makes me too ‘choosy’ – women suffer horrible consequences if they don’t choose their partners well.

My philosophy is
I’d rather be happy alone than be miserable in a relationship
.

Taking the feminist approach to my dating life is awesome, it
benefits
 me and the people I date. Some things I do in my dating life
because
 I’m a feminist:

Make the first move
 and ask them out

Offer to
split the cost
 of first date. Sometimes they take it, sometimes they insist on paying. But I always offer.

(In a relationship)
Pay for dates
. I used to insist on paying 50% of all dates, but now have implemented ‘you take this round I’ll take the next one’ approach for convenience

Make my partners happy and secure by proving I’m not with them for their ability to provide, rather I’m with them because
 I genuinely like them as a person

Valuing
 companionship more than marriage
. It takes the pressure off for
both
 of us. Also, I’m in no rush to give someone power over me, religiously speaking.

Earn my own money
 and not expect them to subsidise my lifestyle

Not impose gender-related societal pressures on them.
Support them
 if they want to try out traditionally-feminine activities without judgement

Say what I mean and mean what I say
 (none of that ‘I said no but you should’ve known I meant yes’ crap)

Maintain my own hobbies and interests, attend events on my own, have my own set of friends. Talk about these with them when we’re together so they get to
learn new perspectives and ideas

Encourage
mutual support
 in the relationship. We bring each other up, never down

If one of us
fell out of love
 with the other, I will let them go and break up with them instead of dragging the relationship along, which isn’t fair for the both of us

I am NOT saying I’m perfect with this relationship thing. BUT I found that my partners appreciate my values and actions, even if sometimes they don’t necessarily like the ‘feminism’ label itself. Whatever la. You can call a rose by a different name. It’s still rose.

Additionally, and perhaps against popular belief, being a feminist doesn’t hurt my love life at all. Since 22 or 23 (I’m 31 now), I was single for like 4 months in
total.
I’m not saying this to brag, but to prove a point.

Here’s how you can
add some feminism in your dating life
.

Dating and Money Approach #3 – I tend to fall for people with similar money values

Given how important financial responsibility is to me, this makes sense right? I don’t think I’ll be happy with someone who has vastly different money values than mine.

I like frugalism, thriftiness and social responsibility. Therefore, my personal turn-offs include prominent displays of luxury brands and general flashiness, like if they bling up their car or wear excessive jewellery or something.

Instead of impressing me, that just shows they are maybe not that great with money management. So I might like them initially (because hormones), but will lose my crush as I get to know them.

Other qualities that I noticed I liked:

Evidence of them spending their hard-earned money for
personal growth or passion projects/hobbies

If they are into
minimalism

Them knowing
 how to take care of themselves
 (knowing how to do own laundry, cook basic meals, perform household chores etc)

If they’re
not
 a gift-giver
. I mean, I appreciate the thought but hate hate hate clutter. No shade to people who like doing it (‘Gift-giving’ is one of the 5 main
Love Languages
, the way some people show and feel love the most)

Finding potential partners is of course hard. My approach is to just keep busy and active – I usually meet my partners from events I attend. It’s a numbers game too – the more effort you put in to meet new people, the higher your chances of finding a person you like.

Tinder was kinda fun and I know people who met their partners there, but I personally didn’t.

What is your approach to dating?

How does money affect YOUR dating life? Do you date people with different money values or spending habits? Did it work out? If yes,
how
do you guys work it out? Let me know in the comments section.


Everything I Got Rid Off In My 30-Day Decluttering Challenge

I describe myself as frugal, but
once in a while
 often, I cross the ‘cheap’ line.

And I don’t want to be cheap. Being cheap puts me in a scarcity mindset, as opposed to the abundance mindset. You can’t be someone who is both ‘I believe I can earn as much as I want’ and ‘why buy the better option when the cheap option exists’. They’re contradictory of each other.

In May 2019, I started a 30-day decluttering challenge with the following objectives:

Get rid of old things that no longer ‘sparks joy’ and makes me feel cheap when I use them

Return items borrowed from friends and family

Sell, gift or donate items that still have value

And ultimately, declutter my house and thus, my head

Here’s everything I got rid off during the decluttering challenge. Note: They don’t necessarily add up to 30 things in 30 days. Some items are multiples.

Thrown out:

1.
An old eye mask
. Had to tie the elastic bands to make it fit my head.

2.
A well-loved H&M dress.
 Not the best quality and only lasted 10 months until it got too ‘hole-y’. But it was a decently comfortable night dress.

3.
Pillowcases.
They’re clean but turned this disgusting yellow colour. Long overdue.

4.
A loose hair tie
. I kept this one particular hair tie for no reason for years.

5.
An old kurta
. It was a thrift shop find that was lovingly used until past its prime.

6.
An old skirt
. I have a bit of an attachment to this skirt, but it’s time for it to go.

7.
Old tanktops
. Thrown away a few ill-fitting tank tops.

8.
Two old mugs
. The chipped and stained ones, the same ones described in my
 article about the downsides of frugalism
.

9.
A chipped Japanese teacup
. It was a pair – the other one broke a long time ago. A bit sad to say goodbye – it was a gift from a good friend.

10.
A broken roller lint
. It was broken, don’t know why I kept it.

11.
A car mobile charger holder
. A flimsy thing given for free from an online vendor. I don’t have a car and no one I know wants it.

12.
Old namecards
. Trimmed down my namecard collection from hundreds of cards to below 50 cards.

13.
An expired foot cream
. Self-explanatory.

14.
Multiple pens that dried out
. Self-explanatory.

15.
MUJI Bedsheets
. You’d think everything MUJI is high-quality and will last a while right? Not really. The bedsheets didn’t even last a year before holes started appearing in them. Very disappointed tbh.

16.
Expired bottle of fish oil capsules.
 For obvious reasons.

17.
An old handbag.
 Present from mom but never used, and the elements made it old and unrepairable. Don’t tell her.

18.
Tefal nonstick pan.
 The nonstick coating came off.

View this post on Instagram

Is it normal for Tefal non-stick pans to become like this after just 2.5 years of usage? . Anyway, I’m throwing this out. Anyone have suggestions for good nonstick pans suitable for induction cookers? Lazada midyear sales is coming up . #tefal #fryingpan #nonstickcookware #nonstickpan #lazadamalaysia #lazadasales

A post shared by
 Suraya Zainudin
 (@surayaror) on
Jul 8, 2019 at 11:32pm PDT

19.
JBL earphones.
 Because you don’t sell or gift used earphones away, eww.

20.
Old underwear.
 Tis’ time.

Returned:

1.
My mom’s luggage bag.
 Borrowed for a trip and returned right after.

2.
My partner’s folder.
 One of those ‘no rush to return’ items. But finally did.

Sold, Gifted or Donated:

1.
A pair of Nelissa Hilman shoes
. [SOLD] It looked good in the stores, but painful to walk in. The search for the perfect nude/brown heels continues.

2.
A pair of sneakers
. [GIFTED to a friend]. Black sneakers in Converse style but not Converse brand.

Plan to sell, gift or donate:

Quick note on this section. These are items that are still too good to throw away, yet don’t have the time/energy/motivation to sell, gift or donate yet. It’s not strictly considered decluttered items, but I’ll include them here anyway for self-reminder. #perkofhavingyourownblog

1.
Two bottles of non-alcoholic wines.
 One red wine, one white wine. Got them from Estonia specifically to cook with or resell to Muslim people who always wanted to taste wine but wanna keep it halal, whichever comes first.

2.
Three bottles of shampoos
. Not suitable for my hair.

3.
A bag full of rarely-worn clothes
. Don’t we all have this?

4.
A Soap & Glory Body Polish + Body Butter set
. Maybe I’ll just use this myself, let’s see.

5.
A few books that I don’t want to read again
. Oh btw check out my bookshelves, sorted by colour ^_^

View this post on Instagram

I sorted my book collection by colour the other day. Showing it off here 😬 . #organization #bookorganization #bookcollection #colourcodedbooks #bookloversmalaysia

A post shared by
 Suraya Zainudin
 (@surayaror) on
Apr 23, 2019 at 9:53pm PDT

Lessons learned from decluttering challenge

#1 – I cleared out a bunch of stuff from the decluttering challenge, but also replaced (sone of) them with newer items

I know that I do tend to keep some things for far too long, because they still technically ‘work’. Prime example: wearing a super worn-down piece of clothing.

That’s cheap of me, because it’s not like I can’t afford to replace them. Again, I don’t want to be cheap.

The decluttering challenge gave me the opportunity to replace:

The chipped and stained mugs with new ones

The
non
stick pan with a new one

The old, holey bedsheets and pillowcases with new ones

Some old, worn-looking clothes with new ones (went on a shopping spree at my sister’s shop)

View this post on Instagram

When your sister is forced to be nice to you because you’re a paying customer at her boutique 😂 . Check out @marquise.my! Uniqlo vibes, lots of mix-and-match items. I got 7 tops that I can pair with my existing wardrobe. Gotta stretch the clothing budget 😁 . For the plus size version, go to my other sister’s shop @malaysiaplussize ✌ . #capsulewardrobe #minimalismmalaysia #shahalam #plussizemalaysia

A post shared by
 Suraya Zainudin
 (@surayaror) on
Jul 8, 2019 at 2:23am PDT

I’m not going to replace everything though. Because…

#2 – I want to be mindful of things I consume from now on

While I’m at a good financial place in my life now, I sure can’t afford buying exclusively free-trade, ethically-sourced-and-produced items. And if I can’t do that, that means I am directly contributing to the harmful effects of fast fashion / other consumption products.

So I’m going to do the next best thing: buy less. Consume less. Buy things I love, sure, but only a few as opposed to a lot of it.

This is hard, because marketers and advertisers sure know how to get to your head and create that desire.

Doesn’t mean I can’t fight back. We all know that stuff doesn’t make you happy, experiences does.

Related:
Why We Can’t Stop Spending Money

#3 – Clothes is really a trial and error thing

About 20 pieces of clothes (including shoes) get thrown out, donated, gifted or sold during this 30-day decluttering challenge. That’s quite a lot, in quantity and in $$.

And you know, even though I loved all of the things I bought during the purchasing process, it is hard to predict what I’d really end up liking, and what I’ll never wear ever again.

My plan for that bag of unwanted but good-condition clothes now is to reuse, sell or gift what I can. Quite thankful of communities like the Beli Nothing Project and
Kloth Cares
 that can help extend the lifecycle of these clothes and keep them out of landfills.

Related:
Save Money on Fashion: 5 Steps I Use to Optimise My Clothing Budget

#4 I really like the mindset that Marie Kondo taught

One thing that I really love about Marie Kondo is her attitude to things we no longer need. She taught us how important it is to thank the items individually for serving us. At one point, each of them made us happy, and we have to be grateful for that feeling.

Doing this to some nostalgic but old items helped in this decluttering process. I’m glad I got to say goodbye to them.

#5 – Decluttering cleared out my head

Messy environment, messy head. I’m happy to report my head is less messy now 🙂 I wanted my environment to reflect my current values, and I did it.

For now, at least. I still have the tendency to go back to my default ‘save money’ mode as opposed to ‘earn money’ mode. It’ll be a lifelong process.

Do you do decluttering challenges?

I think most people do, right? Especially while cleaning the house during festive seasons, a ‘might as well’ thing.

What I *am* curious about is what you do with the items. Do you tend to throw them out? Sell them off? Donate them (to who?) Keep them out of sight?

Let me know in the comments section 🙂


[Personal] I Never Imagined Exercise Would Help My Career and Income, Until It Did

1.5 years ago, I switched from paid employment to
self-employment
. It’s been great. I have earned up to 4.8x my previous monthly salary.

My exercise journey also started more or less the same time. From the peak of my weight, I’ve lost about 28kg so far. I know BMI (Body Mass Index) isn’t the best indicator, but I’m finally in the ‘healthy’ range. As someone who has always been ‘the fat one’ since primary school, this is a pretty big achievement. I’m crazy proud of myself.

It can’t be a coincidence. I think exercising and healthier living choices did impact my career and income, for the better. This post is a jumble of self-reflection on this correlation.

 A few years ago vs now

Exercise as a catalyst

In a Quora thread (I’ve lost the link unfortunately), someone asked if there are habits one can implement to be better versions of themselves. Of course exercise came up. But a person added their own thoughts to it, which went something like, ‘some habits are catalysts – it doesn’t just improve one area, but many other areas in your life. It’s like a buy-1-get-10-free kinda deal.’

I think this is what exercise did for me. It didn’t just improve my health, it also:

Helps to reduce stress, which leaves more mental capacity for daily tasks (like money management)

Releases endorphin, which gives me the ‘feel-good’ factor and attracts more positive vibes into my life

Makes my temperament more pleasant, which helps to build relationships with people

Makes me want to eat better, which encourages home-cooking with quality (but not necessarily expensive) ingredients

Gives me a healthy glow and reduces dark circles, which helps with my self-confidence

Makes me sleep better and start most days on a good note

Gives me a sense of accomplishment, which
makes me feel like I can conquer anything

All of the above and more are by-products of exercising that has nothing to do with career and income on its own. But you can’t deny that the better you feel, the more you are primed to tackle messy things like finances and life in general.

The good first impression

Looking healthy makes a great first impression. It implies that you’re disciplined enough to take care of yourself, which means you must also be disciplined in other areas in your life (like work). Unfortunately, there are people who equate fat = lazy. This is a very common preconception, even
professors have bias against overweight people
, and they’re supposed to be smart.

I like appearing like I have my shit together. So does my clients, judging by the work-related inquiries they send me. I think that exercising is such a small price to pay to have this positive association.

The shared experiences

I am more open to trying experiences that I previously dismissed before, due to my weight. In my early-20s, I would think twice before joining group activities, especially if they were physical activities. I’d worry about making a fool of myself and sweat too much – the thought of it would embarrass me and I’d stop myself from participating.

Now, I’m much more open to it. I know I can pull my weight and at least keep up. It’s so liberating. If you have never been fat/unhealthy, you wouldn’t understand the mental stress related to this.

These experiences also help me connect more to the people around me. What, you did rock climbing in Krabi?
So did I
! That instant bond with others over shared experiences made me easier to relate to. It puts me in the ‘friend’ status instantly from the ‘acquaintance’ status. And you know what? A lot of successful people enjoy physical activities.

Of course, this is not the only way to have shared experiences; non-physical activities work well too. But my chances of having shared experiences with someone else are now bigger, no doubt about it.

Friends help friends. I credit some of my professional progress to connections and help received from friends.

I am… attractive?

Ok, bear with me, this is a very new, a very odd feeling.

I’ve been told that I’m attractive (after losing weight), which is not a compliment I’m used to getting. It feels strange and most of the time I dismiss it. It’s more like, ‘oh, how sweet they are to resort to lying, because that can’t be true’. For the longest time I simply replied back, “I don’t believe you, but thank you.”

A part of me hates this because obviously my brains come first. I’m proud of my education and my accomplishments; at no point I want myself to be reduced to ‘a pretty thing’.
This makes me more motivated to improve my

knowledge

and to prove myself
. I force myself to read books, read articles, and generally learn whatever I can, whenever I can. Everything I know about personal finance and investments was self-studied and self-initiated.

At the same time, I’m human. I admit that I can’t help but be flattered when my presence is appreciated, even if it is due to a superficial reason. I have to keep my ego in check here.

It’s true. People are nicer when you’re pleasant-looking

If you ask me about the biggest change in people’s behaviour, this is it. People are nicer to me now. I’m basing this 100% from my personal experience.

I don’t know if it’s the new vibe, or maybe even new confidence, but people are just generally nicer. They smile more (men and women), they entertain my queries, they get my orders faster. It’s not a negligible contributing factor to my career and income growth.

This is such an interesting privilege to experience. Unfortunately, it also convinced me of a major flaw in society – at the end of the day, looks do matter.

I’m trying my best to exploit this advantage for the better good.

Conclusion

If you were ever in my position – overweight with stagnant career and income – I suggest you put more effort in exercising. It may give you the boost you needed to be more successful. For dieting, what works for me is the
keto diet
, but do whatever works for you. Think of the positive things you can contribute to your family and the society by implementing exercise routines and a healthy diet in your life. Just don’t, you know, discriminate against overweight people once you reap the benefits.

You can do this. Now give me 50 squats.


4 Financial Goals I’ve Failed to Achieve

What are the limits of your abilities?

That’s an unpleasant question to ask yourself, isn’t it? No one likes to think of their own flaws.

Yet as the world prepares for the new
year
 decade, all excited to start their financial goals, I can’t help to go the other route and think of where and what I’ve failed to do in the past.

Why talk about failed financial goals

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a negative person. In fact I’m annoyingly optimistic.

(“Crashed your expensive car? Thank God you still have your life”; “Lost a limb in the accident? Insurance payout time kachinggg!!”).

It’s just, I’m battling a dilemma. I want to make financial goals, because failing to plan is planning to fail and all that.

But do I make
ambitious
 financial goals and fail (again) but at least ‘miss the moon and land among the stars’, OR do I make
super-realistic
 financial goals and not feel challenged or excited by them at all?

After thinking about it, I decided that the former is a better alternative than the latter.

But what if we… combine them? Set ambitious goals which are also realistic. To get there, it’s not a bad idea to do some risk-reduction activity – think of where I have failed in the past so I can (try) avoid the same problems.

So here are all the financial goals I’ve failed before, to ground me back to Earth.

#1 – Getting a scholarship

This is old, deep feelings I’m digging out. Late teens, early 20s stuff. See, I’ve never really gotten over the fact that I’ve never gotten a scholarship.

You might say yeah Suraya many others didn’t get scholarships as well, but let me just counter back – almost all of my best friends during high school got scholarships. I was the
stupid
 less-clever one, the one who didn’t study enough.

The only reason I got an overseas education is because of my parents’ money, not of my own merit.

(Well, maybe a little bit of my own merit. Just a tiny bit)

I might also add – oh gosh I’m so embarrassed to admit this – I actually failed my admissions interview into UiTM Shah Alam, too. Yes, the university known to help Malay people.

Underlying core problem which contributed to the failure:
 underpreparation

#2 – Have a career in social work and work with United Nations

Before Suraya-the-personal-finance-writer, there was Suraya-the-social-worker. Up until my mid-20s, I was working in a few NGOs, including for intercultural exchange, SOGIE rights, HIV/AIDS, refugees and women human rights, just building experience.

I’ve since left the field and industry, but sometimes I still think about the ‘what ifs’. My ultimate goal then was to work in the United Nations, where salaries are high.

Like really,
really
 freakin’ high. I thought, well that’s a nice two-birds-one-stone situation. I would satisfy my lifegoal of ‘doing good’ while making money at the same time.

Why didn’t I still pursue this goal? Well I think I realised that I’m simply not angry enough to make a good activist, the type that demands rights and drafts policies and organises protests and all that. I’m too comfortable with my privileges to act.

Underlying core problem which contributed to the failure:
 cowardice

Related:
[PERSONAL] Malay and Money: A Reflection

#3 – Continue BestDealsMalaysia.com

Sometime back, circa 2018 or early 2019, I bragged about coming up with a new business slash website idea – BestDealsMalaysia.com. It’s like HotUKDeals.com, the deal-hunting website but for Malaysians (obv). I even made an article about its creation process:
The Exact Steps I Use to Build & Launch BestDealsMalaysia.com in 7 Days

I was so excited about the project in the beginning. But as time went on… I got lazy, and just stopped working on it.

No excuses really. Once I did the beta website, the passion for the project died off :/

Underlying core problem which contributed to the failure:
 Laziness; loss in motivation

#4 – Doing outbound sales

Generally speaking, there are two ways to get sales/clients: inbound and outbound marketing.

So far in with RoR, I’ve relied mostly on inbound marketing, ie clients liking my work and/or personal brand and coming to hire me directly. It’s a good strategy.

In the past few years, and especially after the publication of the
Money Stories from Malaysian: Volume 1
 book in early 2019, I’ve challenged myself to be more comfortable with doing outbound sales, ie approaching target clients/customers directly.

And let me say… it’s still hard. Some days I have the confidence to do it, but other days, no.

I want to say small progress is better than no progress, and that is absolutely true, but I also want to push myself harder. Sometimes I even wish I had a boss who’d force me to do sales so I’d
have
 to do it! But no, being a solopreneur means all the initiation and motivation must come from my own self.

Underlying core problem which contributed to the failure:
my fear of rejection

Conclusion

To be really, really honest with you, this post was originally supposed to be a list of my financial goals in 2020.

But I thought instead of just sharing with you what I want to do, instead let’s use this space to

(1) remind you that I’ve failed more times than I care to admit, and so does everyone else;

(2) failing is completely normal, don’t be too hard on yourself, shit happens, and

(3) you only truly fail if you don’t learn and grow from your mistakes.

Thus with that logic, financial goals are bars you set for yourself, yes, but also above all
its a tool for self-growth
. If you achieve it, good. If you didn’t, also good – knowing what you didn’t know you didn’t know is also valuable information!

So. Having said all these. I want to know – is the process of goal-setting is an easy or hard process for you? What have you learned from your own failed goals? As always, do share in the comments section 🙂


Calculating the Amount I Need to Reach Financial Independence in Malaysia

You might have seen the acronym FIRE – it stands for Financial Independence, Retire Early. To me, the FI part is more important – I want to reach financial independence in Malaysia.

Imagine waking up in the morning, thinking,
eh, I don’t feel like working today
, so you just… don’t. And still be okay financially, with no consequences.

That’s the dream, isn’t it? I want that. I want that so bad.

The topic of financial independence and early retirement has been on my mind for the longest time, but I admit I’m afraid. I’m afraid to find out the amount I need to get there. I’m afraid the number will be too big that it’ll discourage me, instead of motivating me. I’m afraid to think of the sacrifices I have to make.

Which is why I’m forcing myself to write this article. Let’s force out all those jumbled thoughts and put them in a linear, clear format.

How to reach financial independence in Malaysia

Based on the articles and resources I’ve read about the topic, here’s how one can reach financial independence in Malaysia:

Do all you can to earn money, until you reach the amount you need
Chuck it all in investments, allowing it to earn interest
Make withdrawals that’s enough to fund your lifestyle, forever

The key is to have a big enough amount so the money doesn’t run out before you die, because that would
suck
.

There are two ways to calculate how much money you need to reach financial independence in Malaysia:

First way: 25x your annual expense

One of Mr Money Moustache’s most popular post is called
The 4% Rule: The Easy Answer to “How Much Do I Need for Retirement?”
. A popular FIRE advocate and OG personal finance blogger, he argued that one needs roughly
25x their annual expenses for early retirement
.

Now, the maths is based on (1)
US-centric figures and assumptions, which is not the same for Malaysia
, and (2) oversimplification of 7% annual return rate and 3% inflation rate (the numbers are not that predictable).

Regardless, 25x your annual expense is a simple enough calculation to use to
guesstimate
 your FIRE number. For example:

If your annual expense is RM40k per year, your FIRE number is RM1m
If your annual expense is RM60k per year, your FIRE number is RM1.5m
If your annual expense is RM120k per year, your FIRE number is RM3m

And so on. You could, in theory, aim to hit the number then
hire a financial planner
 who can do a personalised calculation for you – maybe its enough, maybe its not, it all depends on your envisioned retirement lifestyle.

But I know some of you are hardcore DIY-ers, and want to calculate your own FIRE numbers and/or want better accuracy, so here’s the second way:

Second way: Calculate your FIRE number from your variables:

The ‘variables’ are:

What is your ‘post-retirement’ lifestyle and how much it is expected to cost
Your life expectancy (the average life expectancy for Malaysian women is 77.6 years old. Let’s just round that up to… 85… just in case)
The inflation rate
Your average return on investment (5-8% is a good benchmark)

The calculation is easy in theory, but figuring out the variables are
hard
. How would I know how much I need after retirement? Even my year-to-year expenses varied a lot –
I spent an average of RM8600 per month in 2017 and an average of RM4900 per month in 2016
.

And what kind of post-retirement lifestyle do I even want? I haven’t decided. How much would
that
 cost? Will I be healthy or need medical assistance then?

Oh well. Let’s just do the calculations first. I found a couple of calculators online.

Calculation #1 – Annuity calculator

To calculate the amount I need, I tried
Calculator.net’s annuity calculator
 first. After playing around with the numbers, I found out that I can withdraw RM5,000 per month for 53.6 years if I have
RM810,000
 in investments now.

I thought I solved the ‘how much I need’ part, but on closer inspection, no I don’t.
The scary part is the inflation.

You don’t really notice it on a year-to-year basis, but it’s clear as day in the example above. I don’t want 83-year-old me to live on an equivalent of RM677 only per month! I want comfort in my old age!

Calculation #2 – Post-retirement calculator

So obviously I need to find a calculator that takes inflation into account. No wonder they call it ‘the silent killer’.

I found this
Rich, Broke or Dead calculator
 which answers the question:
If I start out with $X dollars at the beginning of my retirement, will I run out of money before I die?

The calculator is not the most suitable for my case (for example, they use US inflation rates), but it’s still nice to be able to play around with the numbers.

According to the results,
RM1,950,000
 invested at age 30 will give me 99% probability to withdraw RM60,000 annually (inflation-adjusted!) until I’m 85 years old!

RM1.95 million…

Holy shit that’s a big number. I am nowhere near there. I am nowhere near reaching financial independence in Malaysia.

🙁

There it is. The emotion I was trying to avoid, too scared to confront. I’m overwhelmed by this amount. I doubt my ability to earn this much in my lifetime.

Then, immediately after that thought: the crushing realisation that I lack self-confidence in my own earning potential.

Quick, an inspirational quote to stop all this worrying and anxiety:

… that subsided it somewhat, but still.

I know I can only do the best I can, and dammit I am
trying
to be good with this saving and earning money thing.

I know I could be in a
worse
 financial position.

I know I am lucky to actually
enjoy
 the work I am doing now.

I know that worrying now is worrying twice.

So… no rush, Suraya. Reach financial independance at your own pace, don’t worry too much about retiring early – as they say, it’s the journey, not the destination.

Whatever it is, remember you’re planning for 85-year-old you, but don’t forget there’s no guarantee you’ll even reach that age. So save money, yes, but remember to live like each day is your last, too.

Adjusting expectations

Even though I don’t want to worry too much, I sure as heck will try my best to increase my likelihood to reach financial independence in Malaysia.

Two things make financial independence in Malaysia easier:

Low post-retirement expenses, and
High income AND savings rate to reach the number needed

Let’s look into both:

Low post-retirement expenses

I’ve been using RM5,000 per month to guesstimate the amount I need for my post-FI life. In my head, the amount is just enough to cover the essentials (rent, insurance, food, transportation, etc), cover the expenses of my passion projects.

I can live on less, definitely, if I try. For example, I could move to a cheap country, which saves money on the essentials and satisfies the wanderlust element.

Thankfully, I’m in no rush to decide on a post-retirement lifestyle. I’m still young, and can take the time to try out different ways of living.

So that brings us to the second part of FIRE:

Getting the amount needed

After doing the calculations, it’s clear that I need around RM2, maybe RM3 million to safely call myself financially independent. The number might change as I grow older or if situations change, but it’ll do as a benchmark for now.

A lot of people in the FIRE community make sacrifices to get the amount they need, faster. I’ve seen people:

Adjust their accommodation arrangement to lower their cost of living – move to rural areas, move with the parents, live with housemates
Choose to not have children
Live extremely frugal lifestyles
Bust their asses off to earn extra income
Stick with high-paying, but high-stress jobs

The more sacrifices they make, the faster they FIRE. Therefore FIRE communities also act as a support group of sorts, full of encouragements.

It’s a nice community, however I can’t say that I like
all
of its aspects. It can be a bit
too
 money-obsessed, even for me. I’m okay with slowly getting there, as long as I enjoy my life.

Do you plan to FIRE?

In Malaysia, I know a few people who are consciously working towards FIRE. I’ve gotten emails from readers who shared their journeys. Some shared the lack of support from family and friends, who didn’t understand the rush.

How about you? Have you ever calculated the amount you need? Which calculator did you use? Also, what do you plan to do after you retire early?

Let me know. Share your thoughts in the comments section.


Gratitude List: 15 Things That Make Me Feel Rich

My previous post was all about
envy and jealousy over everyone else’s amazing-looking life
. It made me feel horrible. Instead of feeling sorry for myself and lamenting on what I lack, I will now choose to focus on the good things in my life. Here is my gratitude list of things that make me feel rich (instead of poor).

#1 – The amazing view at my rented apartment

View this post on Instagram

🌞day and 🌙night. So pretty ❤

A post shared by
 Suraya
 (@surayaror) on
Jan 30, 2017 at 5:29am PST

I have a 180-degree view right from my balcony, and absolutely love it.

Every night, I would just soak in the amazing view before I go to bed. Full-moon nights are particularly beautiful.

Daytime views are gorgeous too. Bright, sunny days are so
vivid
. Rainy days are calming. Cloudy days are mesmerising.

I also get a kick-ass view on New Year’s Eve – I can see all the fireworks in the area, one after another.

#2 – No housemates

I love my living arrangement. No offence to my previous housemates, I love you all, but it’s amazing to have all this space to myself!

#3 – My flexible, work-from-home schedule

You know me as the blogger behind Ringgit Oh Ringgit, but I like to introduce myself as a freelance writer, corporate writer or communications consultant, depending on who I’m talking to. That means I take up writing and communications jobs – I’ve done everything from annual report writing, rapporteuring work, article-writing, resume-writing, web copywriting, and other related work (
hire me!
)

I still have not locked down the perfect work-from-home system, but… close enough. I get to choose what projects I want to do, who I want to meet and start my work whenever I feel my brain is ready.

(of course there are downsides, and I won’t touch that in this post – want to keep up this feel-good momentum!)

I also get to be a homebody, which is my favourite thing to do. After work is done (or when I procrastinate…), I’d go to the gym and work out, cook lots of food, read books, listen to music, wear facial masks and just generally chill out.

#4 – Living near a commercial area

I can just
walk
own to go to my dentist, the grocery shop (a small one, but still), 3 convenience stores, lots of restaurants and cafes (including a Starbucks), a movie theatre, a courier delivery service and a bunch of other shops.

#5 – Having a functional kitchen

Cooking is awesome – it’s fun, it saves money, it impresses the dates, it makes me healthier, I can go on. I absolutely love my small but functional kitchen.

I don’t have that many kitchen tools and utensils, but I can still make a heck of a lot of things with what I already own. For example, here are some equipments I have and the food I make with it:

Rice cooker – rice dishes, soups and steamed veges

Oven – baked goods, both savoury and sweet

3-in-1 Food processor, blender and whisk – makes sambal, caulirice, protein shakes, whipped cream

Coffee machine – my source of caffeine

Induction cooker – omelettes, stir-fries and other goreng-goreng stuff

What makes me feel ‘rich’ in particular are the small tools that elevate my dishes and simplify my cooking prep. These are things like:

Salad spinner – dry salad leaves are SO much better than wet ones

Multiple baking pans – in glass and silicone

Mixing bowls – to make the cakes and all

I’m thinking of upgrading my kitchen knives – I think that’ll make a big difference too.

#6 – Fresh, hot coffee every morning

My morning routine: wake up, drink a mug of warm water (plus a splash of apple cider vinegar), then run the coffee machine. I love the smell, mmm…

#7 – Or chai tea at night

I was gifted this premium chai tea mix, and they make really nice wind-down drinks at the end of the day.

#8 –  A nice supply of face masks

During my recent Japan trip (
what I bought
), I stocked up on Japanese face masks. I put them on a couple of times a week, and even though they’re not pricey masks, they make me feel pampered all the same.

#9 – A good supply of books

Not running out of things to read anytime soon!

#10 – A fully-paid GOOD laptop

My laptop, the Surface Pro 4, is the fanciest laptop I’ve ever bought for myself. I love using it.

The sticker price was steep, so I opted for monthly installments. I paid RM568.12 per month for 12 months, and now it’s fully paid off! Including the extra warranty, it’ll last me at least 5 years, a respectable timeframe for laptops before replacement time.

Related:
4 Best Tips I Got From You Guys When I Wanted to Buy New Laptop

#11 – A washing machine in my unit

I used to rent a place without a washing machine, and made the frequent trips to the laundromat. Each trip takes at least 3 hours of my life.

For all of you who are used to washing machines and never lived without it – count your blessings.

#12 – A bed frame

I’ve done the whole ‘sleeping on the mattress on the floor’ thing for years (to save money) before decided to buy a bed frame. At writing time, I’ve only had the bed frame for less than half a year. It still feels luxurious.

I didn’t think it would, but the bed frame really does elevate my sleep (geddit? geddit??)

#13 –  That I can get groceries delivered

Isn’t it amazing to have a personal shopper to get your groceries for you? I used to lug heavy cat litter around – and now I don’t have to! Absolutely blessed to be able to use grocery delivery services!

Related:
HappyFresh Review: 10 Tips to Save Money and Time!

#14 – My travel experiences

I’ve done my fair share of travelling around. Collected some wild experiences and loads of good memories. All I can say is, I’m satisfied (but if I can afford to do more traveling, why the heck not).

#15 – Nice-smelling shower gels

If I do start a collection, it would be a collection of shower gels. Not makeup, not skincare, not perfumes or clothes or accessories. Shower gels. They just make me ridiculously happy every single time I use them. I love shower gels from The Body Shop in particular. Their Satsuma Exfoliating Body Polish smells so good!

Last thoughts

Doing this article erased
all
 most of the negativity I felt previously. I was so caught up in comparing my life with others that I forgot that I have a pretty good life as it is. In this gratitude list, no less than 15 things make me feel rich – that’s a lot of things to be thankful about!

I highly recommend you to make your own ‘things that make me feel rich’ list. It’ll make you feel good, too. Share in the comments which parts of your life that make you feel particularly rich. I’d love to hear them.


[PERSONAL] How I Get Great Clients Who Pay & Treat Me Well

I love my clients. They are freaking awesome. The best. They pay AND treat me well.

I feel like it’s time for me to be forward with my experience working with great clients, because if social media is to be believed, well-paying and respectful clients are supposedly hard to come by.

But let me just say – they’re not. I’ve had the odd bad apples, but in my four years (so far) working in
self-employed
 capacity, the majority of my clients were nothing but
absolute

joys
 to work with.

(Note: I have two types of clients. Those who
hire me
 in my capacity as Suraya the communications consultant and corporate writer to write reports and stuff, and those who hire me in my capacity as Suraya the blogger from Ringgit Oh Ringgit to promote their products and services. Both are amazing).

This post is a jumble of self-reflection – how and why do I get these amazing clients? I still don’t know for sure, but here are my theories.

Factor #1 – Luck

First things first, let’s put this out there. Maybe I’m just lucky, simple as that. Maybe the universe looks out for me.

I’m also lucky to have an annoyingly optimistic personality. I forget bad events (and bad clients) fairly fast, choosing to focus on the things that went right instead of the things that went wrong.

Factor #2 – Due to Ringgit Oh Ringgit

It could also due to RoR. I mean, it does have a following. A small one, but a following nonetheless. It could be that my clients are just nice to me because they don’t want me to write bad things about them on Ringgit Oh Ringgit website and its social media platforms. Public Relations 101.

Still, this doesn’t explain the great clients I got before the website got (somewhat) popular. I had great working experiences with companies even when Ringgit Oh Ringgit had very little views.

Factor #3 – Work ethics and performance

Maybe my clients like working with me because I’m okay at my work?

Right, I *like* to think I’m somewhat good at what I do, but tbh I still have no idea if what I’m doing is considered good enough.

All I know is I like to read a lot of books and articles, take online courses, and follow advice and behaviours from people I respect. Everything I do is a combination of what I liked from these sources.

For example,

I liked to read this style of writing (that you’re currently reading), so I end up doing it for Ringgit Oh Ringgit. My most frequent feedback is ‘easy to understand’ and ‘relatable’ – exactly what I’m after

I liked Ramit Sethi’s ‘Do it for them’ advice – doing all you can to make the client’s job easier – so I do that. Every client gets a step-by-step process and timeline. My job is to make sure they do the least possible work on their end

I liked how some articles highlight research-backed ways that improve my communications and workflow, so I incorporate them in my work (find these articles in my
link roundup series
)

Those are just some examples but the simplest way to put it is basically, I just imitate what I like. What works, I keep. What doesn’t, I tweak. Repeat indefinitely; the learning process never ends.

Factor #4 – 80/20 rule

The 80/20 rule, also known as
the Pareto Principle
, might be one of the most important concepts I’ve ever came across. You can apply it for many things, but in this context, this rule permits me to
reject 80% of potential clients so I can focus on giving my best to the remaining 20%
.

At the end of the day, it’s better to have a few good clients than many mediocre and bad clients. Each client will still require (non-billable) admin hours and it’s in my best interest to have less, not more admin hours.

(And the irony is bad clients usually require MORE admin hours than necessary, making them a literal waste of time. Time that you can use to earn more money.)

The 80/20 rule might not be something that you can do in the beginning of your freelance career, when you need to build up your portfolio and reputation, and not to mention savings.

But when you are in the position to, when potential clients start coming to you instead of you looking for them, I would highly suggest you start being choosy with who you work with.

The definition of a ‘bad client’ is different for everyone, obviously. Perhaps you can tolerate what I can’t, and I can tolerate what you can’t.

But for me, potential clients who do these actions get (politely) declined:

They are related to gambling, forex, and similar industries

They are rude in their communications

They try to haggle further or give me a low-ball offer after I give my best possible price

They take way too long to get things moving. The way I see it, if we were emailing for several weeks/months without any financial offer on the table, then it’s better for me to cut my losses

That’s pretty much it. Not that high of a bar, right? Yet its amazing how many clients get ‘eliminated’ this way.

The 80/20 rule works so well, that I stopped doing contracts to ‘legally bind’ my clients, something they advise freelancers to do for your own protection in case they don’t pay up. I didn’t have to, because the clients I *do* end up with are also not phased with my invoice for 50% deposit before the work even starts.

(I would actually recommend you implement the ‘50% deposit before work starts’ rule, no matter what stage you are right now. It will
significantly
reduce the chances of having non-paying clients after you complete the work!)

Related:

How to Charge Clients: 5 Methods Freelancers Can Use

How to Get Clients: A Guide for Malaysian Freelancers

Last words

As you can see, the reason I love my clients is not that I have a masochistic tendency or anything. It’s just, somehow, after years of hard work, I’ve developed this system of sorts that eliminates potentially bad clients, which results in me ending up with
only
 mostly the good ones.

Another reason why I love this system of mine: employees are good reflections of their companies. When I interact with potential clients, our communications speak VOLUMES about their company culture.

I get to know which companies incorporate the Richard Branson philosophy, which ones take care of their employees and are good from the inside out. I love helping companies like these achieve greater success, and I will go above and beyond in my work for them.

 image credit: businesscentricnetwork.com

As a last note here, I can’t share my private clients for writing work, but I can share
the clients I’ve worked with
for sponsored post in Ringgit Oh Ringgit. They are the top 20% – there were many other sponsored post opportunities that I didn’t take.

Hope you enjoyed this personal post. It feels weird to hype up my awesome clients, when the more popular thing to do is to ‘spill tea’ about the bad ones. But I know I’m not the only one who have great working relationships with clients – why don’t we hear about those often?

How about we change the perception that only bad clients exist? Do you have good experiences with your clients too? Share in the comments section!


From Dual Income No Kids to Dual Income One Kid: A Thought Process

Amid all the congratulary posts on baby Mika’s arrival on 19 May 2023, I received a thought-provoking question via DM, pic below. I thought it deserves a full post, so shoutout to this person for inspiring this article 🙂

The questions are (1) how I changed my mind and be open to having a baby, and (2) How I planned the finances for it.

These are not easy questions to answer, but I will start with this: Some people have always known they want to become parents. Me, I questioned it.

It’s not like I
reject
 the idea of children. I just didn’t want to become a parent ‘because that’s what people do by age X/ after getting married’.

I want the decision to have children to be a lot more intentional than that. I have long believed it is better to regret not having children than regret having children.

Let me explain my thought process, starting with..

Who says one *have* to have kids?

First of all, I see motherhood or parenthood as optional. You don’t have to have children if you don’t want to.

‘But what about’ – who cares? People are going to judge your choices either way – working mother, SAHM, no children, have them early, have them late, number of children, parenting style etc. So do what you want, as long as you don’t hurt other people, all good.

Additionally, being childless is a non-issue for me. I would be happy to continue being one half of a DINK family – dual income, no kids sounds fun as heck.

To be honest, I already have a complete and joyful life with no baby. I’m not looking to fill a missing piece in my life or anything.

But all that – that’s the ‘rational’ part of my brain talking.

Like it or not, hormones drive our behaviour

There’s a reason why the human race have survived, nay,
thrived
 until there’s like 8 billion of us worldwide:
we’re all driven by hormones, which means
sometimes
 all the effing time we do things that are not particularly rational.

In my case, the fact that I love my partner meant that I was open to have a child with him, despite knowing there are SO MANY downsides to doing so, especially for the mother. This is so well-documented that there’s even a term for it:
the motherhood penalty
.

The below is a snippet of how motherhood penalty looks like. Sucks, right? (Note: Data is not from Malaysia, but this is a universal experience)

So if things are so bad, why have a kid anyway? I actually wondered to myself – why the heck am I still open to motherhood even after knowing the consequences? Why put myself in a more vulnerable position? Why give myself less pay?

How do career women who want children come to terms with the data that says women's income tend to drop significantly after having a child and never recover?
Forget husband pay etc. How do YOU cope when high income is part of your identity and you may lose that forever?
— Suraya: bestselling Bergaji & Pokai book (@surayaror)
October 11, 2022

At 1 month pregnant, I asked the above question publicly, and in the end concluded –
the best I can hope for is to be the outlier to the statistics.

(Stop working is not even an option. Of course I will continue to work after having a child – I like my work, I’m good at it, as it’s practical as heck in this economy. Already explored this thought in the
How Money Affects My Dating Life
 and
Thoughts I Have About Marriage (and Money Management)
 articles)

Overconfident, overoptimistic, call it what you want to call it. What can I say.
Love makes us stupid
. As my good sis Selena Gomez once said,
the heart wants what it wants.

HOWEVER! I may be in love and stupid, but I still have some rational sense in me. That’s why…

I knew I would only have a child if I was financially stable

A huge reason why I decided to have a baby is because I am financially stable and have a comfortable amount in savings. Note: MY savings. Not my partner, not my family’s. MINE.

I NEED to be financially stable before even considering a child because:

It costs money to raise a child. Duh. Six, even seven figures in total, easy.

You need to pay for pregnancy, childbirth and baby stuff. As per my own calculations, it is possible to
have a baby under RM10k,
 or even under RM5k if you want (or have) to, but it’ll be stressful

If anything happens to my partner/relationship, I want to be able to take care of my child financially. You can shout nafkah and responsibilities but it’s risky to 100% depend on it. I also don’t trust the Syariah system to execute the order

I am self-employed, but employed women have more to think about:

Employers aren’t technically allowed to fire employees due to pregnancy or children, but it happens anyway. Sure one can sue but that’s a whole process that not everyone can or want to go through

Some employers also might be hesitant to hire pregnant women (or even married women). The problem isn’t long maternity leave, but short paternity leave.

Don’t ever gloss over this issue. Many caregivers including working mothers get so pressured by inflexible work demands and end up quitting, preferring to be self-employed instead. That’s why only 55.5% of Malaysian women are in the labour force.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Suraya Zainudin (@surayaror)

Related:
7 Things to Do Before You Quit Your Job to Become A Freelancer/Self-Employed

So anyway, I was open to being pregnant, I have the savings for it, then I got pregnant. What followed was a very confusing 9 months.

Pregnancy Ambivalence

Most of the time I was pregnant, as in the whole 9 months, I had mixed feelings; happy, surreal, sad, worry, grief, grateful, I felt it all.

It was weird because my pregnancy was both wanted and planned, so why the negative feelings? It was disorienting, confusing.

But then I found out the term to describe this feeling: Pregnancy Ambivalence. It’s defined as “
unresolved or contradictory feelings about whether one wants to have a child at a particular moment
”.

Ah, that explains it.

When I dug into it, I found out
pregnancy ambivalence is very common
. The sample size is small (n = 84), but a 2017 study found that
55% of women “described feelings of ambivalence” about their pregnancy
.

Pregnancy Ambivalence was also the reason I kept a low profile about being pregnant. Our families were informed, some friends as well, but that was it. Unless necessary or for work purposes, no one else knew.

Even when I did have to disclose my pregnancy, it felt weird. I heard the obligatory ‘Congratulations!’ and more often than not had to fake being happy because that was expected of pregnant women everywhere.

Don’t get me wrong. I did feel happy, sometimes. It’s just mixed with other, equally strong feelings. There’s
grief
 for sure – I knew motherhood is a commitment, and I found it hard to say goodbye to my responsibility-free, life. But I also felt
intense curiosity
towards the motherhood experience.

Like I said, confusing. I would’ve gone crazy if not for a couple of therapy sessions (cost: RM500++), as well as having…

Tasks that kept me distracted and busy

There are a LOT of things to do to prepare for a baby’s arrival. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, my organised side started planning. In fact, one of my early journal entries was a to-do list.

These checklists included things like:

Research things I should eat / stop eating / do / stop doing

List of things to buy for myself and for baby

Places to get check ups and schedules suitable for both of us

Pros/cons list of having a baby

Useful apps to download

Calculating estimated costs and expenses

Expanding on that last part..

Planning the financial side of having a baby

Ngl, doing research and making plans didn’t just keep me sane. I also found it the most fun aspect of the whole experience. I got to do cost/value-for-money comparisons between different maternity/baby products, make a new expense category just to track baby-related stuff, things like that.

Much of the info was compiled in the
Baby Cost Breakdown
 article, so go check that out if you are expecting, or simply curious 🙂 I’ve listed products and services we paid for, and ways to save costs.

Additionally, my husband and I also had a lot of chats about the financial side of things. Some of our conversations and activities:

Going to various baby expos to check out deals and offers

Listing out maternity and baby expenses and deciding who covers which expense/purchase

Initial discussions on estate-planning and insurance

Opening SSPN (yes, both Mom and Dad can individually open SSPN account and make individual deposits to max out the RM8k tax relief)

Claiming the Itizam Anak Selangor initiative

Siapa duduk Selangor & ada lahirkan anak tahun 2022 ke atas? Boleh claim RM100 setahun untuk 5 tahun (total RM500!) untuk masuk SSPN!
Syarat permohonan in pic. Apply di
https://t.co/cw9fZx35yT

https://t.co/jwdY2vbXtC

pic.twitter.com/RmStPTJVPt
— Suraya: bestselling Bergaji & Pokai book (@surayaror)
May 10, 2023

One amazing thing that I re-realised in this whole process is how both me and my husband are conscientious people. Ngl, this increased my love. I’m happy I married my person <3

Marrying a conscientious & organised person who can track and pull out data whenever asked >>>
pic.twitter.com/sCa03n1LBD
— Suraya: bestselling Bergaji & Pokai book (@surayaror)
June 8, 2023

Having realistic expectations

Look, I had Mika at 35 years old. At this age, I’ve learned it’s practical to be realistic rather than idealistic. I knew parenthood is hard and exhausting, not easy.

It’s ok not to gloss over the hard part. Many of you confirmed it as well (click to see replies) (I was 2 months’ pregnant here)

Parents, how exhausted are you every day? Macam mana korang cope?
Tak payah nak sugarcoat nampak anak penat hilang semua. I just want to know the truth
— Suraya: bestselling Bergaji & Pokai book (@surayaror)
November 9, 2022

Aside from asking the audience, I also scoured the internet and read all the horror stories, like

pregnancy’s toll on the body (morning sickness, hair might fall out, hormonal acne, etc),

how having a kid negatively impact a couple’s relationship,

spending way more than expected,

possibly dying during childbirth…

I may have freaked myself out a little, but I don’t regret it. The good thing about expecting parts of pregnancy/motherhood to suck is when it does, I’m like, OK this matches my expectations. So when I do experience blissful and happy moments, I get super grateful for it.

No wonder they said parenthood is basically like going on an emotional roller coaster 🙂 I get it now.

Last thoughts

All in all, I can say I satisfied my curiosity on the pregnancy experience. I made a human in my body. Like,
I literally made a human in my body
. Isn’t that cool!!!

As for the motherhood experience… well that’s a lifelong journey now, isn’t it? As of time of writing, I’m still in ‘babymoon’ phase, so I’m in a pretty happy place. It’s too optimistic to think this will last forever, and I know I will face lots of challenges, but I hope I have the strength in me to overcome them as it happens.

(Or hope my savings can prevent or solve those problems. That works too)

I think, this is where I end this article. It’s messy and long – I didn’t know how to answer in a shorter way. Hope you enjoyed this personal post and until next time <3


I gave birth in a car park (true story)

First of all, I want to say 100% of this story is true. Nothing is fabricated or exaggerated. I’m still blown away this experience happened to me.

The short version is: I gave birth in a car park at 5am in the morning, unassisted.

Here’s the long version:

19 May 2023, 2.30am

On 19 May 2023, 2.30am, I woke up in the middle of the night with what I thought was a regular toilet run, with added cramps.

I didn’t think much of this, because

(1) middle-of-the-night toilet runs are a regular thing for me; I’ve been pregnant for 38-weeks by then, and

(2) I had a minor procedure* the previous day, which included cramping as side effects

(*the procedure is called membrane sweeping and it’s one of the popular induction procedures to encourage natural labour, but only came with 25% success rate).

I went back to bed, but soon woke up again. In addition to the cramping, I felt… constipated. So I went to the toilet and tried to fall asleep again.

The third time I woke up, the cramping and constipation feeling got more intense. I felt lower back pain as well. But it was manageable, and I tried to go back to sleep.

Am I in labour?

By this point, I did wonder if I was going into labour, but I had no reason to believe I was in
active
 labour – everyone said the labour process for first-time moms is much longer, as long as a few days and as ‘short’ as half a day.

I checked my phone. It was only 3.30am – only 1 hour after I woke up the first time. There was no way I am in labour, I thought, this is just the side effect, and maybe I ate something bad.

I tried to sleep it off.

The next time I woke up, the cramping, constipation and lower back pain got even worse. What horrible luck to get both cramping and constipation at the same time, I thought.

I was tossing and turning by now, trying to get a comfortable sleeping position. My husband kept waking up because of me and I felt bad, so I went out of the bedroom and into the living room to drink some water and walk off the pain.

At around 430am, while on the toilet and still convinced I had horrible constipation, I felt the unmistakable pain in another region – the location where I *know* babies come out.

Oh shit

Oh shit

Oh shit

I DID go into labour (but didn’t realise it!)

When I realised I was, in fact, in the active phase of labour, I knew what I had to do: go to the hospital. My contractions were like minutes apart by now.

I don’t know how I mustered the strength, but I pushed through the pain and woke up my husband and asked him to take me to the hospital. He woke up immediately, while I – I still don’t know how I managed this – took a (quick) shower and tried to pack.

While all this was happening, the contractions kept coming at more regular intervals and I had to stop a few times to let the pain wash over me. Somehow, we managed to get out of the door, get on the lift to to the car park level.

All we had to do left was walk to the car and drive to the hospital immediately.

I gave birth.

However, I had one more intense contraction in the car park. It was so bad I asked my husband to pick me up (the car is just 1 min walk away).

He ran towards the car and I held my hands against one of the parking columns for stability, and

And reader, it happened. I felt another contraction and didn’t have any other option but to push and, and,

My baby came out of me
. Umbilical cord and all, right there near the OKU parking area. Blood gushed everywhere. Amazingly, I had given birth standing up – my legs shook, but I didn’t fall (thank goodness!).

My son was born. I had no more rational thought by this point, it was pure instinct. Somehow, I picked him up with my dress (thank goodness I was wearing a soft, full-length one!!), held him on my chest, and shouted for my husband.

My husband, who was trying to get into the car to pick me up, saw I was holding our baby, SPRINTED back to me, panicked but in full-on protector mode.

Somehow, I realised the baby had the umbilical cord around his neck and quickly untwisted it.

Somehow, we managed to get in the car.

Somehow, we got to the hospital.

This happened at around 5am. Only 2 and a half hours passed between me waking up at 2.30am and the birth.

I became a mom

At the hospital, the emergency department quickly took over and everything after that was a blur. For the next 3 hours, they cleaned me and the baby and put me on painkillers and patched me up. I remember I was shaking the entire time.

Throughout it all, some of the staff asked me to recount what happened so I told them. Many of them told me how my labour was super fast and I’m lucky to not experience long labour pain. I guess they’re right.

I did feel lucky, but for another reason – lucky that given what happened, both the baby and I were safe.

I mean, come on!! Delivered my baby in the car park, unassisted?

Ah well, that’s all in the past now. What’s important is…

Welcome to the world, baby Mika ❤

I became a mother, and going on the parenting journey with my favourite person ever ❤

He remains the same amazing partner and husband so I made good on my promise 🥰 turned a good man into a father today ❤
https://t.co/jxl1yVKK08

pic.twitter.com/aLxA9Ykgam
— Suraya: bestselling Bergaji & Pokai book (@surayaror)
May 19, 2023

What’s funny was, whenever my husband and I had a moment to ourselves we had to laugh at the absurdity of what we just experienced. I mean , it was just.. All our birth planning went out the window. We even scheduled a labour roleplay class to prepare! All that is laughable now.

In fact, it became a funny story we tell to family and friends. And now, I’m sharing with you RoR readers. I figured, hey why not share this incredible, unconventional birth experience that happened to me.

Anyway, that’s the whole story. This goes without saying but I’m going to take some time off to spend with my little one. He’s quite literally the cutest, most adorable thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I’m in love.

Thank you everyone who for your well-wishes. I saw each of them, and feel very blessed.

Banyak sangat terima mesej tahniah for my baby boy, touched sangat 🥹 maaf tak boleh balas setiap sorang.  I'll be sporadic je in socmed. nak luangkan masa with newborn, I know he's not going to be this smol for long 🥹🥹
pic.twitter.com/vtHjmBwtGB
— Suraya: bestselling Bergaji & Pokai book (@surayaror)
May 21, 2023

By the way, I totally get the addiction to newborn smell now. The oxytocin flooding my brain right now, phew. Intoxicating.


[Personal] Figuring Out My Next Life Goal

“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail,” they say. I agree, and that’s why I feel a bit lost right now. I can’t decide on my next life goal.

This post compiles a series of potential life goals that I’m considering, and what I’m doing about them. Please indulge this blogger’s ranty, word-vomit post. It’s cathartic.

Life Goal That I Achieved

I didn’t always have no goals in place. Completing my education was one, but that was nothing to shout about. Compared to other people, family and PTPTN backing made that easy for me.

Post-studies, the life goal I picked was simple –
to live independently without depending on my family or a man to take care of me
. Happy to say I achieved that. I guess if you put it in a list, the mini-goals would look something like below:

Rent my own place, pay my own bills – tick

Sort out my own financial problems as they come – tick

Have an idea of what kind of retirement I want, and regularly contribute towards it – tick

Have a healthy emergency fund – tick

Have multiple sources of income – tick

Pick investments that work for me – tick

Decide on a career that I love and earn my living from it – tick

Have insurance coverage – tick

Keep only good debts, better if none – tick

Always spend less than I earn – tick

Achieving this was hard but ultimately extremely fulfilling, and one can’t be stagnant, can one? I have a lot of options – all enabled by my fairly stable financial position. I need to figure out what to concentrate on next.

congerdesign
 / Pixabay

Life Goals That I Eliminated

The natural way for me to decide what I ultimately want is to eliminate what I don’t want, at least at this point in life. For me, these are:

Save money for a wedding/a family
 – Not in a hurry. I’m attracted to the DINK lifestyle – Dual Income, No Kids – so I don’t have a ‘must marry/pop babies before age xx’ rule.

Save money for a house (own stay)
 – I’m pro-renting. This deserves another article, but basically I like the idea of living in different places and countries throughout my life, until I can’t.

Many people choose the above as their life goals. Good for them. Just don’t insult my choices and belittle me over not wanting the same things in life, and we’re cool.

Life Goals That I’m Considering

“You can have anything you want, but not
everything
 you want,” goes another saying.

I think this is true as well, which is why I want to limit myself to just one, max two life goals at once. If you chase everything, you can’t focus on anything. I’d rather focus on one or two things and do that well.

These are seven options that I’m considering, all listed below along with what I’m currently doing about them. It’s like trying out potential side businesses – try a bunch of things when you start. When one or two of them show more potential than the rest, concentrate on those and ditch the rest.

#1 – Pursue an education related to the financial sector

I already have a Masters in Corporate Communications, and I don’t regret going in the communications line at all.

However, I do feel envious of people who graduate in the Economics/Financial sector line. I do like finance an awful lot, it makes sense to go back to school and pursue a degree in something I’m passionate in.

What I’m doing about this option:

Regularly check
ASEAN Scholarship Opportunities
. I’ve never had a scholarship (lucky enough to have FAMA and PTPTN financing), it would be cool to get one.

Actively look for places I want to study at. Ivy League would be nice. I don’t know if I’m clever enough for them though.

Keep myself updated with the Islamic Finance field. Very high in demand, but very limited places offer this. There’s INCEIF in Malaysia, so that’s a good and convenient option.

PIRO4D
 / Pixabay

#2 – Buy a house for investment purposes

Having a property and AirBnB-ing it out is a very attractive option. From browsing around the forums, if done well this option can give incredible return on investment. Plus, bonus: always having a place in case I need one or if I can’t travel.

This would also present an interesting new challenge. I know almost nothing about properties. It would be fun to learn as I go along. Nothing like hands-on learning right.

What I’m doing about this option:

Read property blogs. I like
kopiandproperty.com
 for this.

Window-shop properties on Mudah when I can.

Try to make time to schedule appointments with property agents and view some potential places.

#3 – Build my own tiny home

I’ve always liked the concept of tiny homes – the less space you have, the more mindful you are about choosing the things to bring into it. Recently I was re-inspired by 20-something Atiqah, who is
building her own tiny home on her own freaking land
.  She offers a free ‘
Buying your first land’ guide
 as well, documenting what she learned in the process. Woah woman you rock. Mad respect.

What I’m doing about this option:

Browse, select and choose suitable tiny house plans (to save on architect design costs) from
Houseplans.com
.  They have to be suitable for Malaysian weather.

Follow Atiqah’s adventures and find more blogs of people doing the same thing so I can learn.

StartupStockPhotos
 / Pixabay

#4 – Start a startup

Probably the least likely life goal that I want to pursue in this list. I have ideas, but I don’t have the skillsets to develop it to its fullest, and I don’t network enough with people who can.

Doing it by myself is not an option. Have learned this the hard way. I have a failed business – or rather, a business that I gave up on. While I don’t regret it, I don’t intend to repeat the same mistakes. Mentorship and skilled team members are a must. I had a lot of ego back then and thought I could do it all by myself. It was a painful experience, but it was also a humbling experience.

What I’m doing about this option:

Nothing much. Just network as usual, and if the right people making up the right team falls into place, maybe we’ll do it.

Maybe bounce off my ideas with some people, at least. Like everyone else, I hate my ideas criticised. I need to woman up for this.

#5 – Be a Digital Nomad

Digital nomad – someone who earns 100% of their money through online means, and location-independent. They can travel anywhere in the world and work anywhere in the world as long as they have internet access.

What a dream, right? I’ve explored this, and the reality is that it’s not all roses. People who pursue this lifestyle have their own troubles and worries. Short-term rental accommodation and all those flights can be expensive, and work can be irregular. Can you imagine being at amazing places but lacking the money to properly experience it? Sad wei.

What I’m doing about this option:

Earn as much passive income as I can, so I don’t have to worry about lack of work while travelling. Not at this stage yet.

Introduce my cats to as many people as possible and hope that one of them will fall in love with the cute buggers. I want to ensure that Yoshi and Lemon are in loving homes if I leave.

Comfreak
 / Pixabay

#6 – Write a book or a comic script

EDIT: We did this after 1 year this original post was published! We actually willed
Money Stories from Malaysians: Volume 1
 into existence, from our thoughts into a physical product!

Lol, for the longest time I have this erotic plotline in my head. It’s steamy AND feminist af. Finally writing it down would be awesome, if just to get it out of my system.

What I’m doing about this option:

Plot out character development. The sexy stuff is good but the storytelling must be better!

Keep a list of potential illustrators for the book/comic.

#7 – Grow my writing business

And start a team of writers under me.

This is a hard one – my biggest hurdle is myself. I’m lucky enough to get nice comments over my writing work, but every time I read my own articles, all I see are mistakes and sentences that could have been written better, points made clearer.

I also notice that I can be too nice with my constructive criticism to others. Not a good way for people to benefit from my leadership, and definitely not a good way to run the business.

What I’m doing about this option:

 Help aspiring writers who seek advice when I can, and learn from the process.

Continue writing and keep improving it. Sometimes I still get grammar and spelling wrong. Thank God for proofreading software and sharp eyes of other editors I work with.

Continue networking with other writers. They’re a great bunch, super helpful.

Last words

Writing all my options down made me realise three big things:

I can combine some of them, get a two-in-one kinda deal. For example, I can both write the book, turn it into passive income and be a digital nomad. Or both build that home and AirBnB it out.

I want to sleep on all my options a bit more before making a (rash) decision. At the same time, I will keep doing what I can for each of them.

I’m so lucky even to be able to choose among these options. That’s the best thing financial security can give you – the freedom to choose what you want to do, instead of just limiting yourself to what you have to do.

Thanks for reading this far. My head is much clearer than when I started. And now, back to you, dear readers. What is your life goal, and what are you doing about it?

If you liked this personal post, you might like below articles too:

[Personal] I Never Imagined Exercise Would Help My Career and Income, Until It Did

[Personal] How it feels like to constantly obsess over money


[PERSONAL] Upgrading vs Making Do: My Dilemma with Lifestyle Inflation

I have a very complicated relationship with
lifestyle inflation
.

In personal finance literature, lifestyle inflation is
bad
, full stop. It is the ruin-er of life, the reason for debt and bankruptcies and subsequent financial hardships, broken families and in the worst-case scenarios, suicides.

Yet even knowing this, and even as I write this as a personal finance blogger (who is supposed to know what she’s doing), I, too have let lifestyle inflation happen in my own life.

For example:

I used to drink instant coffee. Now I drink
drip coffee
 with actual ground beans.

I used to have housemates. Now I live by myself, thus paying the
full rent
.

I used to sweep the floor manually, with a broom costing like RM15. Now I use a
cordless vacuum cleaner
 costing RM700+ (and love it).

And also, I just bought myself an
iPhone
, my first premium phone. My last three phones were all Xiaomi brands, costing only up to RM1200 or so max each.

To make things worse, I do all this in full awareness and knowledge that my income is not consistent: I am self-employed. I’ve been lucky enough to be earning okay for the last few years, but who’s to say it will continue?

It’s especially scary when I think of
cancel culture
. Much of
my income
 now is tied to my identity as ‘Suraya the personal finance blogger’. If one day I do a boo-boo and gets ‘cancelled’, there goes the income too.

You don’t think I think about this? Of course I do. I have an exit plan in case that happens, too.

Anyway, back to the topic.

The reasonings I’ve used to justify my lifestyle inflation

Many of my lifestyle inflations are not whims. They are intentional. I’ve used various reasonings to justify the upgrades. For example:

“I can get this [more expensive item] for cheaper”

‘Brew your own coffee to save money’ comes up in almost every article about saving money, does it not? Therefore, I justified it.

Sure, I saved a lot of money if I compared my (wonderfully delicious and fragrant) home-brewed coffee with the Starbucks version. (I calculated. Less than RM1 per mug vs RM10 from Starbucks)

But the instant coffee was still delicious and that was just a few cents per mug.

Related:
Malaysians Share How They Save Money on Coffee

“Buying this will enable me to earn more money”

I have definitely used this line of reasoning to justify the lifestyle inflation that are directly related to (1) reducing mental clutter, and (2) saving time. Two good examples are the decision to live without housemates and buying that cordless vacuum cleaner.

I’d like to think that those two decisions enabled me to be more productive and work more efficiently. Although of course I have no way of confirming this.

Related:
How I rent a master bedroom in Kuala Lumpur for RM150 a month (not including bills)

“You’ve waited long enough”

I used this reasoning with the iPhone. It’s always been something I wanted, since iPhone 4 or something (I, too, love the branding. But most of all I’m just impressed by the word-of-mouth marketing they get – almost everyone I know who uses one, recommended it to me).

My delayed gratification game only ended after I legit dreamed about owning it,
on a Friday night
(Muslims will understand this significance). I bought the iPhone 11 the same day I tweeted this.

Mimpi beli iPhone…

Tahan nafsu lebih 10 tahun. Kalau sampai keluar mimpi…

— Suraya Zainudin (@surayaror)
May 22, 2020

“Be frugal, not cheap”

I *used* to be cheap. By necessity, not by choice. Every cent counted when I was in my early 20s, working and living in Kuala Lumpur. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out more ways to cut living costs. I mostly bought cheap, flimsy, low-quality items, which broke down and wear out all the time.

And then slowly, as I started earning more, I replaced those items with more reliable, higher-quality ones.

Patiently waiting for that ugly & worn-out but still usable item to kick the bucket so I can buy a prettier replacement

— Suraya Zainudin (@surayaror)
May 15, 2020

Related:
Malaysians Share Cheap Things They Have Done

“You can afford it”

Simply put, I have savings. None of the lifestyle upgrades I chose will get me in financial trouble.

And isn’t money a tool we can use to avoid, outsource and fix what we don’t like? What’s wrong with using my money to fix my life, even if that ‘problem’ is just boredom? Neurologically speaking,
we humans are wired to like and seek novelty
.

Therefore, if lifestyle inflation happens in moderation, it’s okay right? It’s not as evil as how its frequently portrayed, right?

Right?

A Vain Conclusion

All this brings me to this personal conclusion: the majority of ‘lifestyle inflation is bad’-type advice out there, which warns people about the dangers of spending beyond one’s means,
does not apply to me.

Unlike other people, I *reasoned* my upgrades.

Which I’m aware is a pretty egoistical, boastful, and downright conceited thing to say.

This, in turn, brings me to another conclusion:
I’m experiencing overconfidence
.

This is dangerous. What if… I’m actually at the peak of Mount Stupid?

(This graph is a wonderful illustration of the
Dunning-Kruger Effect
)

I can’t afford to be overconfident in this matter
. I mean, if I’m vain about my money management, how can I even identify problems if it happens? I don’t want to be blind to warning signs until its too late.

At the end of the day, I have to remember that
many people lived beyond their means without realising it
. It’s not like they
intentionally
 want to get into financial difficulty, they just thought they could keep up with the payments,
until they can’t
. What makes me different?

So. Swallow a humble pie, Suraya. You ain’t shit. Keep learning.


A List of Everything I Own (And What I Want to Get Rid Of)

One of my short-term goals is to throw, sell off or donate everything I no longer need. My home is looking a bit cluttered.

I’m not the only one in this boat. When I asked in social media about what products/services people would spend RM100 on to improve their lives, many of you said things like, ‘hire a helper to get rid of stuff’.

I’m going to leave out commentaries about what this problem says about the state of our society. You know what they are already – culture of excess and the boom of products acting as mini-luxuries and all that.

Instead, I’m going to list out everything I own and things I want to get rid of. I have two objectives: (1) to stop ‘stuff’ from taking over my space and making my head messy, and (2) make some money by selling things that still have value.

A List of Everything I Own

Note: Everything with * means it’s counted as one. Ending each section with what I plan to throw, sell off or donate.

JamesDeMers
 / Pixabay

Clothes/Accessories

20 x ‘going-out’ tops

20 x t-shirts/’wear-at-home’ tops/shorts

7 x tank tops

4 x pairs of jeans

2 x pants

2 x sports leggings

2 x sports bras

6 x skirts

2 x baju kurung

1 x jacket

5 x cardigans

3 x scarves

4 x nightdresses

Underwear*

Socks*

Accessories box*

7 x handbags

1 x backpack

1 x laptop bag

3 x sneakers

4 x pairs of flats

3 x pairs of flip flops/sandals

1 x watch

Notes on Clothes/Accessories
:

It looks like a lot, but I get many of the above as gifts from family and friends (like all the scarves and the watch). Also, I got at least 10 T-shirts for free from events.

At this stage, I don’t plan to grow my wardrobe – 20 nice tops is enough to rotate around with different pants and skirts. There are plans to retire some skirts – I’m passively hunting for replacements.

Sell
: None

Donate
: laptop bag, some handbags, 1 x bag of ‘to donate’ clothes, unworn accessories

Throw
: 1 x bag of ‘to throw out’ clothes, broken accessories

Related:
Save Money on Fashion: 5 Steps I Use to Optimise My Clothing Budget

Electronics

Phone

Laptop

Earphones

JBL speakers

Power bank

Extension cords/USB chargers

2 x fans

Notes on Electronics
:

This tweet summarised my take on electronics basically loool

deep inside my heart, hoping for the phone or laptop to break, so I can buy a new one 🤣 it’s more than 5 years already.

— Kamal Mustafa (@k4ml)
May 7, 2018

Sell
: Old phone, old laptop, Surface Pro 4 dock

Donate
: None

Throw
: Loose cables, empty boxes

Related:
4 Best Tips I Got From You Guys When I Wanted to Buy New Laptop

igorovsyannykov
 / Pixabay

Sentimental/ Important stuff

Picture frames*

Albums*

Used notebooks*

Received cards*

Memories box filled with pictures, tickets etc*

Kitchenware*

A giant pink stuffed bunny

Passport

Folders with documents (certificates etc)*

Notes on Sentimental stuff
:

The hardest section to go through. Still waiting for motivation to digitise my albums…

Sell
: None

Donate
: Kitchenware

Throw
: Maybe the old notebooks.. and the bunny

Personal care items

Makeup and makeup tools*

Skincare*

Shampoo and body soap

Hair oil

Toothbrush

Water flosser

Shaver

Tongue scraper

Hair dryer

Deodorant

Clothes steamer

Towels*

2 x combs

Menstrual cup

Facemasks (I hoard this if the price is good)

Sunscreen (I hoard this if the price is good)

Notes on Personal care items
:

Regularly used makeup items: eye brow pencil, concealer, powder, eyeliner, blush

Semi-regularly: contour pencil, mascara, lipstick, eyelash curler

Things I can’t wait to finish up: perfumes, body butters/lotions. All received as gifts.

Sell
: None

Donate
: None

Throw
: Towels when they get too old, makeup/skincare past expiry date

Related:
How Much I Spent on Beauty

LUM3N
 / Pixabay

In my daily going out bag

Notebook (I hoard this if the price is good)

Pens*

Wallet

Umbrella

Water bottle

Wet wipes (I hoard this if the price is good)

1 x Glasses

1 x sunglasses

Business cards

Mints

1 x pouch with misc stuff (bandaids, hand sanitizer, lipbalm, etc)

Sell
: None

Donate
: Two extra water bottles

Throw
: None

Related:
Hack: How to Get Below-RM100 Glasses

Kitchen stuff

Fridge

Induction cooker

Oven

1 x rice cooker

3-in-1 blender

2 x kettles

Plates, bowls, mugs etc*

Cutlery*

Pans, Baking pans and trays*

2 x knives

Moka pot

Salad spinner

Oven mitts*

Kitchen table

2 x chairs

3 x dishcloths

1 x dishrack

1 x water filter

2 x jugs

1 x set of 4 coasters

Sell
: None

Donate
: pans not suitable for non-induction cooker

Throw
: None

Related:
Going Through All My Lazada Purchases, Since 2014

Home stuff

1 x couch

1 x table

1 x bench

1 x workstation

Mattress

Bedding*

Blanket*

Washing machine

Vacuum cleaner

Lint roller

Cleaning products*

Drying rack

Hangers*

Stools

2 x trash bins

Shoe rack

Clothes rack

Floor mats

Candles*

Plants*

Sell
: None

Donate
: None

Throw
: Candles once I get the most out of it

Battling this random dilemma: I want to get new, slim, sleek hangers to replace my mismatched set. But can’t bring myself to throw it out before they actually break.

MonikaDesigns
 / Pixabay

Pets

Cat scratcher

Cat food*

Food and water bowls*

Litterbox

Cat litter

Cat toys*

Sell
: None

Donate
: An extra litterbox

Throw
: None

Others

Books*

Stationaries*

Luggage bags*

1 x yoga mat

3 x hand towels

First aid box*

1 x hammock

Card and board games*

1 x plastic feet massager thing

Paper and plastic bags

Sell
: a snorkelling set, some books

Donate
: Some stationaries

Throw
: None

Phew, listing everything I own was a task!

Listing out everything I own was… eye-opening. It took the better part of a day! I might have missed out a few items, but the above is pretty much everything I own!

As much as possible, I did it the Marie Kondo way – I asked myself if each item brings me value and happiness. If they do, they stay. If they don’t, they will leave my home.

This article was partially inspired by GoDownsize’s
100 Things Challenge.
 I didn’t count – I KNOW I have more than 100 items, but that’s okay. I don’t particularly want to adhere to a strict number.

Now all I have to do is:

Take pictures and list the things I want to sell

Put the donate pile near my condo waste room (maybe I’ll blast out to the condo FB group too) (I found this hack online; an easy way to get rid of many things at once)

Throw out what I need to throw out

I’m 99% sure I will procrastinate, but for now this mental exercise is a start. At least I have an action plan and the sorting out was… sorted.

What do you do when you want to declutter? Any tips that might help? Which online selling platform worked the best for you? Share in the comments section!