My father and I had had an up-and-down relationship, but I felt he needed me now. I got in touch with my Probation Officer and gained permission to return to LA for a time to help my dad cope with Adam’s death and work his way out of the depression he seemed to be in, even though I knew that this would heighten my own sadness. A day later I was in my car, heading west on I-15 out of the desert for the five-hour pull to Los Angeles.