Perhaps, if I can work that out, I can push it towards them, and once they’ve swallowed it I can relax a little, let them have the rest of me without causing my own death. Perhaps, after that, I can even be a happy moron for them, live a well-adjusted life and not have to worry about all this crap any more. I’ll be a hero, and all the while I’ll be happy as well. I won’t even have to know I’m a hero. Although it would be very upsetting if my secret then brought the whole thing tumbling down and I was horribly unhappy and didn’t know it was what I wanted all along.