The ruler was such a pissant form of discipline, compared to a real 
beating, that she could not take it seriously at first and actually found it 
funny the first few times. As the months went by, though, it seemed to get more 
painful. Either Nell was becoming soft, or—more likely—the full 
dimensions of the punishment were beginning to sink in. She had been such an 
outsider at first that nothing mattered. But as she began to excel in the other 
classes and to gain the respect of teachers and students alike, she found 
herself with pride to lose. Part of her wanted to rebel, to throw everything 
away so that it could not be used against her. But she enjoyed the other
classes so much that she couldn't bear to think further of the possibility.