"Randy," he says. Medals clink together as he grips Randy’s right hand and shakes it. He looks to be around fifty, but he has the skin of an eighty-year-old Bedouin. He has a lot of ribbons on his chest, and many of them are red and yellow, which are colors that Randy vaguely associates with Vietnam. Above his pocket is a little plastic nameplate reading, SHAFTOE . "Don’t be deceived, Randy," says Douglas MacArthur Shaftoe, "I’m not on active duty. Retired eons ago. But I’m still entitled to wear this uniform. And it’s a hell of a lot easier than going out and trying to find a tuxedo that fits me."