質問: 【大至急】ビジネス英文メールのご添削 取引先(派遣先)へ返信したく英文で作成しましたが、ビジネス的に自信がありません(;_;) ご添削の程、宜しくお願い申し上げます。 背景:派遣先担当者より、派遣している午後限定受付スタッフが8/13、14に休みを取りたいと言われたが、彼女が休むと我々の負担が増えて現場に人手が足りない状態の為、なんとかしてほしいと連絡がありました。下記はそれについてどうなったかのメールです。 (そのスタッフが休むとその担当者(別の業務の方)のチームから人を出して受付に回す必要があるために困るそうで、休みは午前中当番の受付スタッフと調整してくれという要望です。) 取引先からのメール i believe you have had settled this issue already given it’s mid-july already. please kindly share the final arrangement with us as i have to do the online time schedule confirmation at the end of month. 返信文 i'm sorry for the late reply. as i talked to you on the phone earlier, she wanted a holiday on august 13 and 14, but she decided to go to work and instead get a break on another day . (in that case she will coordinate with workers in the morning and get a holiday.) also, as i suggested to you, is it possible to increase the number of staff of the same position as her because she will be more likely to take a break and the burden on your team will decrease. she currently works 5 days a week, but she says that she can work at least 3 days a week, so if it is possible to increase staff, i will search candidates who can work in 2 days a week. 日本文:返信が遅くなり申し訳ありません。 先程あなたに電話で話した通り、彼女は8月13、14日のお休みを希望していましたが、その2日間は出勤し、代わりに別の日に休みを頂くことになりました。(その際彼女は午前中に勤務の方と調整して休みを取得します。) また先程もご提案しましたが、彼女が今後休みを取りやすくあなたのチームの負担が増えない為にも、彼女と同じポジションのスタッフを一名増員することは可能ですか。彼女は現在週5日の勤務ですが、彼女は最低週3日働ければ良いと申しておりますので、もし増員可能であれば、週2日で勤務可能な候補者をサーチします。
回答: > as i talked to you on the phone earlier, she wanted a holiday on august 13 and 14, but she decided to go to work and instead get a break on another day . (in that case she will coordinate with workers in the morning and get a holiday.) => ここが少しわかりにくいので修正します。英語と言うよりも、changed とかwill work とか肝心なことを前に出した方が良いです。 as i talked with you on the phone earlier, she changed her plan and will work on august 13 and 14. she wants to take off on the other days, but she will make sure to arrange her substitute on that days by coordinating with our staffs in the morning shift beforehand of her vacation. 次の一文を追加すると良いと思います。 i hope this will satisfy your needs. > also, as i suggested to you, is it possible to increase the number of staff of the same position as her because she will be more likely to take a break and the burden on your team will decrease. => also as we talked, if you can add one staff to share the work lord with her, that would help make the shift arrangement easier and be beneficial to both of us. 少し文を変えて見ました。最初の文だとスタッフを何人増やしてほしいのかわからず相手側のコストが純増するようにも見えるので。 > she currently works 5 days a week, but she says that she can work at least 3 days a week, so if it is possible to increase staff, i will search candidates who can work in 2 days a week. => she currently works five days a week, but she says she's fine if she can work three days. if it's acceptable for you, then we will pick up candidates for rest of two days.