質問: 大学受験対策の自由英作文の添削をお願いします。 テーマ「初対面の人と接する際に、よりよい人間関係を築くためには、どのようなことに気をつけたらよいと思うか。」 字数制限は70字前後です。 you should actively talk to a person whom you first meet. this is because if he and you are quiet and don't talk with each other, he and you feel uncomfortable and he never want to be in harmony with you. on the contrary, if you happily talk with him about many things, it is so easy for you to make friends with him. for these reason, it is important to talk actively. 73words 第1文で主張、第2、3文で理由、第4文でまとめ、という構成にしました。 文法・語法だけでなく、論理的展開についても言及して頂けると助かります^^
回答: ここを変えてもいいかな、といところに気がつきました。 you should actively talk to the people whom you first meet. のmeetをmetに変えて前後関係を明らかにします。 you should actively talk to the people whom you first met. reasonが複数になってないことに今更ながら気がつきました。まとめると、 you should actively talk to the people whom you first met. because if they and you are quiet and wouldn't talk with each other, they and you might feel uncomfortable and they wouldn't feel friendly toward you. instead, if you keep talking with them, it would be very easy for you to be their friend. for these reasons, it is important for you to talk with strangers actively. で、68語です。