質問: 大学受験対策の自由英作文の添削をお願いします。 問題 「学生は部活をすべきである。」に対してあなたの意見を65~74語で書きなさい。 i suggest that students should belong to the clubs. if they belong to a club, they have a lot of friends, find it important to cooperate with friends and feel joy to practice. in addition, because excercise makes them health, they had better belong to sports club esperically. they should study hard and study gives them knowledge, but to spend time on playing sports with friends and to make friends are much more important. 74words 論理的に文章を展開できているか、文法に誤りがないかの2点について言及して頂けると助かります^^ よろしくお願いします!
回答: it's not bad but to make it more fluently in english, how about this: __________________________ i’m under the impression that students should join clubs. by joining a club: they can make more friends, learn to work together as a team, and have a great time. a sports club, for example, would be the one of the best choices because exercising is good for the body. although it’s expected that everyone put forth their best efforts, the importance of a club is the interaction with others. (70 words)