質問: 自由英作文の添削をお願いします。 月末に大学入試を控えている高校3年生です。 文法ミスやもっと適切な表現がありましたら、ご指導いただけるとありがたいです。 テーマ:小中学生に携帯を持たせることの是非 in my opinion, children in elementary school or secondary school should not have a cell phone. it is true that a cell phone is very useful, and it enables them to communicate with their friends or parents easliy at any time. however, a careless use of a cell phone often brings about serious problems. recently, many children have been involved in crimes by use of a cell phone. they are sometimes killed by people with whome they became acquainted in an internet community site. children have a poor knowledge to protect themselves. when we think about whether children can use communication tools appropriately or not, we will believe that they cannot do. so i want to emphasize that parents should not have their children carry a cell phone.
回答: すみません、超細かい事しかないですけど。。。 >children in elementary school or secondary school should not have a cell phone. aを取ってcell phonesの方が良い気がします。 >a careless use of a cell phone often brings about serious problems careless useの前にaは要りません。 またbringは他動詞ですので、aboutは要りません。 >they are sometimes killed by people with whome they became acquainted in an internet community site inではなくthrough internet community sitesの方が良い気がします。 >children have a poor knowledge to protect themselves poorよりかはinsufficientとかの方が、高級に聞こえるかもしれません。 >when we think about whether children can use communication tools appropriately or not, we will believe that they cannot do. 文頭でin my opinionと言ってるので、主語はiの方が良いではないでしょうか? それで主節はi don't think(believe) they can doにします、私なら。 >i want to emphasize that parents should not have their children carry a cell phone. ここの使役動詞、私ならletを使うかも。 後、私ならi'd like to にします。