質問: 英文エッセイ こんにちわ。アメリカの語学学校に通う17歳です。 金曜日にエッセイ提出で、一応自分で書いてみたのですが、 中卒なのでライティングにあまり自信がありません。 英語に詳しい方、ご指摘ください。 以下が私が書いた文章です。よろしくお願いします。 in some countries, most notably in asia, there is a high degree of loyalty to one company. however, in most european countries and the united states, loyalty to one’s employer is not highly valued; instead it is considered more rational and reasonable for an employee to change jobs whenever it is warranted to achieve the optimal overall career. both of these positions have advantages and disadvantages. in cultures that value loyalty to the employer, a kind of family relationship seems to develop between employer and employee. it is a reciprocal arrangement which the employer is concerned with assisting the employee to develop to his/her full potential and the employee is concerned about optimizing the welfare of the company. the negative aspect to absolute loyalty to one company is that an employee may stay in one job that he/she has outgrows and may miss out on opportunities to develop in new directions. from the employer’s point of view, the employee may be burdened with employees whose skills no longer match the needs of the company. in cultures in which it is quite acceptable to change jobs every few years, employees can build the career they choose for themselves. they can stay with one company as long as it is mutually beneficial to company and employee. as long as good relationship exists and the employee’s career is advancing at an acceptable pace, the employee can remain with a company. but at any time the employee is free to move to another company, perhaps to achieve a higher position, to move into a new area, or to find a work situation that is more suitable to his/her personality. the disadvantage of this situation is employees tend to move around a lot. although both these systems have advantages and disadvantages, it is much better for employees have the opportunity to move from job to one another if it is necessary to have a better career.
回答: ざっと目を通しただけでの疑問点をお知らせします。(誤解していたらすみません) 1.thesisは何ですか? 推測しうるに、カルチャーによるjob loyaltyの違いを述べたいのかな?とも思いますが、最初のパラグラフで、thesisらしきものをみつけられません。国=カルチャーではありません。特にアメリカはクロスカルチャーの国です。同じ国の中でもアジア系とスペイン系では当然違う文化背景を持っています。最初のパラグラフでカルチャーについて述べていないので、次でいきなりカルチャーという文字が出てくると唐突な感じがします。 2.最初のパラグラフの最後に出てくるthese positionsとは何を指していますか? 3.同様に最後のパラグラフのthese systemsとはどういうシステムですか? 補足説明をいただければ助かります。